Chapter Text
When he has something to think about, he goes for a walk.
When Seokjin has something specific that he can't stop thinking about in his head, he goes for a walk. He walks until his legs burn, until he can't feel them anymore, but until his head hasn't reached a conclusion he likes, he doesn't stop walking.
Right now, he's been walking for more than 4 hours, and the issue in his head is still swirling around, so he doesn't think he's going to stop anytime soon.
Luckily, Seokjin has a long way to go. This morning, as soon as he woke up, his head was a mess of thoughts. He jumped out of bed, took a hot shower, brushed his teeth, pulled up a bag, and put on the warmest clothes in his closet to go through the house. The hallways of the house are clogged with boxes crammed with his own stuff. Soon, there will be the last time coming out of this house, when he moves out as soon as he finishes packing all his things.
The freezing air of the coldest winter the city has seen in years did not bother him at all the whole way from the place which will no longer be his home very soon up to the highest mountain peak in the country, The Nevada Ridge.
Now, it's not that he lives near said mountain, not too far either, but it certainly has been a long, icy, complicated, tedious walk. Mostly because of the snow sinking his feet, the deep steepness of the mountain, the icy breeze traveling through the towering white-covered pines, and the repetitive image of the same rutted and frosted road.
But Seokjin hasn't stopped for a moment because what's in his head is far more complicated than the road, and his heart feels more frozen than his body could ever feel exposed to so many hours of cold.
Walking helps him to clear his mind. The cold forces him to keep his jaw clenched, which prevents him from breaking into screams and crying.
Normally he walks aimlessly; but today since he woke up, he already knew that the end of his path would be the highest peak of that mountain he can see every day from his window. It is not the first time he climbs after all. For someone whose walking helps him to think, climbing is an essential activity for his free time. But this will be the first in a long time that he is taking the whole route in order to reach the top exhausted, panting breathlessly, flushed, and numb from the cold.
The view is indeed beautiful, all covered in the whitish magic of snow. It's worth it, to find so much immensity in front of your eyes. Rows of other smaller mountains and beyond all that, the small town as if it were a colony of ants, almost hidden between pieces of clouds and mist, because the top of the peak makes you feel that you are touching the sky.
After 4 hours of walking, Seokjin, finding himself alone at the end of this route -that almost no one takes because it is the longest- shouts to the void the conclusions that his head has reached in so many hours of walking.
"I-I NEVER WANTED IT TO END THIS WAY! "
He shouts at the top of his lungs, words that he knows no one else will hear, words that only become an echo and only the mountains will hear, because no one else has wanted to hear them, not even the person for whom they are.
"BUT YOU CAN TAKE THE BLUEST SKY AND TURN IT GREY-" Seokjin closes his eyes tightly and takes a breath before continuing, "AND I SWORE TO YOU THAT I WOULD DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO CHANGE, BUT YOU SAID IT DIDN'T MATTER."
Tears sting his eyes, so Seokjin doesn't open them to keep them from spilling out.
"I SEE YOU FROM ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW NOW AND I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU. I WISH NO ONE WILL EVER FEEL THE WAY I FEEL NOW."
Seokjin swallows a sob, his throat burns with a tight knot piercing through, and his voice sounds pummeled, but he keeps ranting, "I'M BETTER WITHOUT YOU SO YOU CAN GO AWAY AND DON'T DARE COME BACK AND TRY TO DO THINGS RIGHT BECAUSE I'LL BE READY TO FIGHT!"
'I wish I could protect my heart,' Seokjin brushes away unruly tears from his eyes with his hands roughly as he opens them, 'In case I fall and break...' he tightens the handles of his backpack at his shoulders. 'If there's a next time- from now on... I'll bubble wrap my heart...'
He sniffles through his nose and promises himself,
'This is the last time I give up my heart'.
"I don't know how on earth I fell in love with you!" He bites his lower lip to make it stop trembling, and the next thing he says he tries to shout it out, but it comes out more like a whisper, "You damaged my heart.... I don't believe in love anymore. Now I am worse because of you..."
"AND I'M TELLING YOU ONE MORE TIME-"
Seokjin jumps at the sound of a voice behind him, rasp, deep, rumbling, and a bit breathless, also echoing through the mountains, but in a much more powerful way than his own.
"WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER AGAIN MR.YOU-LOOKED-ME-IN-THE-EYE-AND-TOLD-ME-YOU'D-NEVER-LEAVE."
Seokjin squints his eyes in order to locate the true source of the shouting, without his contact lenses he can't see much far, but somehow manages to focus that, a few meters away from him, coming from another of the paths leading to the top, the figure of a boy.
In a second of madness, he thinks he is seeing himself, like some kind of hallucinogenic reflection caused by his miserable state of mind, but in reality, it is because the boy is as tall as he is and is wearing backpack and clothes similar to his own.
However, as the boy approaches, Seokjin can figure that the boy, unlike him, is wearing a nice light-colored headband around his head, covering his ears, -which is wise in this cold- and the moment they are both side by side, Seokjin looks at his smile.
It's a square, adorable smile that shows up right after he shouts into the void in front of them, making a circle around his mouth with his palms to intensify his voice even more, "OR RATHER MR.YOU-LEFT-ME-ALL-ALONE. MR. LIES!"
The boy's smile is what makes Seokjin forget his last words as he tries to process how -really- cute the boy next to him is, how his cheekbones are so round when he smiles, how his eyes hold an innocent mischief in their sparkle, how his caramel-colored skin seems to glow in this light.
Then, the echo of his voice makes the boy's words cross his mind again, and Seokjin frowns, "Are you making fun of me?"
The boy merely covers his mouth now completely to muffle a small chuckle.
Seokjin brings his hands to his waist in an automatic action, "Are you making fun of me?" He repeats the question, a dangerous edge in his voice.
"You mean the shouting thing?" The boy cocks his head to one side with a half-smile plastered on his lips, "In that case the mountains are making fun of you too, for they shout back at you."
Seokjin opens and closes his mouth a couple of times before turning to stare into the void as if offended.
"When I was coming up, I thought your shouts were my thoughts." The boy touches his temple with a finger and lets out another chuckle, "I thought I was thinking too hard."
In the absence of a response from Seokjin, who just looks at him, the boy introduces himself after saying, "It's okay to cry. I've been there too, I've had my heart broken too," He holds out his hand, "I'm Kim Taehyung."
Despite the cold, Seokjin's ears burn. Annoyed, he lifts his chin. "Who says I was crying?"
Without a second's hesitation, the boy takes a step to approach him and frames Seokjin's face between his hands, brushing away with his thumbs legitimate tears that Seokjin didn't know were still rolling down his cheeks. "There you are," Taehyung says, pulling his hands away, "Now you actually aren’t crying."
Seokjin is somewhat stunned, taken by surprise, and is not sure whether his cheeks are now warm from the brief warmth provided by the boy's gloves or from the flush of his ears reaching his face.
"Do you want hot chocolate?" Taehyung asks, pulling a thermos from the back of his backpack, "I brought just for myself, but I can share it with you."
"Uhh..." What's the point of lying? Seokjin actually searches in his head for a way out, an excuse. "Actually... I came here to be alone, so.... I'll go now..." he points back the way he came before making a strange gesture with his body and turning around.
"It's just chocolate..." Taehyung mutters, as if he can't believe anyone could refuse chocolate.
Seokjin snaps, turning only his neck to look at him, his brow furrowed, "I don't want chocolate." He did not intend to snap, but he may start to feel irritated, after such an interruption in the middle of his explosion.
"You don't have to be so grumpy," Taehyung says as if to suggest, "It's natural to be sad about being abandoned." He shrugs and adds with a teasing tone, "I also brought strawberries in syrup. That way you will sweeten up a bit."
Seokjin turns completely around to face him, so maybe he can figure out what the heck this guy is talking about. Besides, he wonders what tells this boy that he's the one who got dumped and not the other way around or something mutually agreed upon? He's definitely irritated now. "Are you really this nosy or are you just trying to pull my leg?”
Taehyung tilts his head, "Are you really this unfriendly or are you just trying to scare me away?"
"Both," Seokjin immediately replies, not thinking twice about the answer.
They stare into each other's eyes for a couple of defiantly silent seconds until the mischievous glint in Taehyung's causes a little tug at the corner of Seokjin's lips, which slowly widen into a smile.
Right at the next moment, Taehyung is laughing, loudly. "Well yes, the truth is that I'm actually really nosy all the time." He stretches out a glass of steaming chocolate in his hand. "And insistent."
Seokjin laughs then, finally lets out a laugh he can no longer contain and reaches out to take the glass with chocolate. "Did you say something about strawberries in syrup?"
Taehyung's smile grows impossibly wider. He rummages through his backpack as he walks to the bench on the mountain overlook. As he takes a seat, he too is reaching out with a container full of the promised strawberries in syrup.
Seokjin walks over to him and takes a seat next to him, not bothering about soiling his gloves with the sticky strawberries as he takes one, "I'm not unfriendly, really... I didn't mean to scare you off either." He pops the strawberry into his mouth, "I've just been having a bad day...a bad week..." He swallows the strawberry, forcing it down his throat with a tight gulp. "A bad year, actually."
Maybe a bad life.
"Mm..." Taehyung has no problem picking up a strawberry, his gloves leave his fingers bare, it's just his fingers that get sticky. "We've all had those. But I don't think refusing hot chocolate was going to make things better, on the contrary."
"Who knows what could be in this," Despite saying this, Seokjin takes a sip casually, admiring the scenery in front of him.
"Do you think I could hurt you?" Taehyung laughs, flashing a boxy smile in his direction.
His smile shines brighter than the sun at this time of the morning, amidst the white and frosty snow, even so, Taehyung's smile shines brighter. Seokjin recognizes it; he can't contain his own smile again as he looks at him.
"Who knows..." Seokjin shrugs off one shoulder, his voice lowered to a soft volume, "Even the cutest little bears have their claws."
"It’s only for self-defense," Taehyung places his hands on either side of his face like claws, "Like thorns on roses."
The smile remains on Seokjin's face but he looks away. He decides not to say anything, but he does think about how the innocence of appearance isn't exclusive of the fact that someone can hurt you, unintentionally or not. I don't trust appearance; he thinks and his smile slowly fades.
"Self-defense doesn't always work, though. In the end, they always find a way to hurt us."
Seokjin glances at him but Taehyung is no longer looking at him, instead he’s looking at his lap and his glass with chocolate that is now no longer steaming.
Seokjin quietly finishes his chocolate before it cools completely.
"Sometimes it's not being unfriendly that can scare people away... but being as pushy as me, don't you think?" Taehyung's gaze has lost its brightness as he lifts his face, searching Seokjin's eyes. His eyebrows raised, a small upward arch almost joining them. "You almost ran off... I guess... I push too hard." He sighs, "That's why he broke up with me... and ran away."
Seokjin really doesn't know what to tell him but the urge to give comfort to his sad voice and expression is bigger than himself and the words come out on their own,
"Don't say it like it's a bad thing. Yes, I almost ran off, but if you insisted it's because you had something good to offer." Seokjin smiles a little at him, lifting a strawberry between his fingers, "If you hadn't insisted, I wouldn't be enjoying this. It would have been my loss... as I bet it is for him."
He's not sure why he said the last sentence, but it felt like the right thing to say. Most of all, he confirms it because he managed to get Taehyung to smile a little bit again too.
"Do you come here often?" Seokjin asks him, just for the sake of conversation.
"Mm," Taehyung nods once, swallowing a strawberry. "At least three times a month... I like to come and watch the scenery." He smiles at the white void in front of them. "What about you?" He asks without looking at him yet.
"I used to come here before, a lot... but over time..." Seokjin swallows. Where does this urge for honesty come from? Not just for the first time in front of someone, but in front of a stranger no less. It comes from the heart to be honest, "It's been a long time since I've enjoyed things like this scenery."
"The best parts of any scenery like these are the stories they bring with them." Taehyung says with a small, convinced smile.
"What do you mean?" genuine curiosity prompts Seokjin to ask. He could already tell that understanding Taehyung is not easy.
Taehyung frames the landscape in a square with his fingers, then moves his arms towards Seokjin's direction, framing him as the landscape. "Like today, you and your story are part of this beautiful scenery."
Again, Seokjin finds himself like a fish in water.
Taehyung lowers his arms and states with a smile, "A beautiful scenery can also be a person and all they have to tell."
Seokjin is thankful that Taehyung has gone back to looking at the real and literal scenery so that he could escape from being seen, now that he couldn't stop himself from blushing. He's not even sure why he's blushing if he barely understood Taehyung's words. Taehyung's words may be easier to understand in the heart than using reason. Because of the honesty they hold.
Seokjin stares at his profile. "It's... it's indeed a beautiful scenery."
Clueless as to what Seokjin really meant by that, Taehyung nods once, more to himself.
It is impossible to deny that from the very first instant, they made a connection, either as two short fuses about to explode with different hidden surprises, or as two lost souls destined to bump into each other on the way to find themselves, or as two individuals who really, without knowing it, were in need of each other.
Be that as it may, they made a connection, above all, because they both wanted to give each other the opportunity to do so the moment they took a seat on the same bench, at the top of that mountain.
Kim Taehyung and Kim Seokjin are very different, they discover it from this first meeting. Seokjin little manages to make sense of the way Taehyung looks at the world, and Taehyung little understands Seokjin's way of being. But, oddly enough, it is their differences that make them most curious about each other. It is all this that tightens the first fragile connection they made, making it stronger as they like magnets seem more drawn to each other. Curiously, although in their heads they fail to understand each other, in trying to figure each other out, they discover that they admire everything that is different from them in each other.
It's easy when you try with your heart.
That morning, in the blink of an eye, they get to know each other.
Kim Taehyung shares that he is 25 years old, a recent museum graduate with a cushy job at a local museum that he can't complain about at all. He has had a simple, quiet life, which he himself describes as wonderful and full of love. He has a sister and a brother. His parents are still married and are a happy married couple. And he has a group of four friends whom he loves like blood brothers.
Some would say it is a life that is too simple, therefore boring. Others would call it simple and ordinary. For Seokjin, it is perfect; he is amazed, he wishes he could have had one like it.
Kim Seokjin shares, for the first time with anyone, his story, his whole story from his perspective with honest comments. He is 28 years old, graduated from what he defines as the worst career in the world, accounting. Typical career he chose because of his father's pressure just to be able to work in the family business. He has a job he could write a whole bible of complaints about, except for the pay, which is good. He has had a tumultuous and pressure filled life, which he himself describes living it as seeing it through a glass without really connecting with his surroundings. He has a younger brother whom he never sees, because since his brother came of age, he left home without explanation. His parents are still married, but they are the unhappiest married couple in the country. He has no close friends.
"This talking thing... I'm not really good at it," Seokjin confesses, playing with his own fingers on his lap, "Was there really nothing in that chocolate?"
"It was the strawberries," Taehyung replies seriously.
Seokjin smiles, showing his teeth. "Whatever..." He stops smiling, "I have a hard time connecting with people... the only person who manages to get the occasional conversation out of me is...well was-" He scratches the back of his neck, uncomfortable, and clears his throat, "Well, also that guy, Hoseok... he works at the gym I go to... he brightens my days, I can't deny it."
"Hobi!" Taehyung exclaims, almost jumping up and down in the seat, "I think you could be talking about him. He's one of my best friends! Of course, he's all sunshine!"
Seokjin smiles again, "He really is. From the way you called him sunshine, I can tell we're talking about the same Hoseok, there's no better way to call him. How do you know him?"
"He and another one of my best friends, also my soulmate, Jimin, take dance classes together."
"Oh, Jimin," Seokjin nods, "I've seen him with Hoseok a couple of times..." He raises an inquisitive eyebrow, "Soulmate?"
"Entirely platonic," Taehyung puts a hand to his heart, "But the bond is entirely real."
Rather than understanding, Seokjin can only smile.
And so, the conversation flows in so many directions that time becomes non-existent. As if they were in an alternate reality, in another dimension, or on another planet, nothing else distracts them from just continuing to talk.
It’s surprising when they discover they have similar musical tastes, some similarities in hobbies, but they are not surprised when in terms of talent, they have nothing in common as it has been since the beginning. Except for singing, they can both sing, though like them, their voices are very different.
Seokjin sings to him a little, receiving as a reward that beautiful boxy, beaming smile he has treasured every time it has made an appearance during the afternoon. But when Seokjin asks Taehyung to sing for him, Taehyung refuses, embarrassed and shy, he refuses to do so.
"Come on, I sang for you," Seokjin complains. "I want to listen to you too."
Taehyung just shakes his head, his smile unaffected, "Maybe another day... if we meet again..."
It is the thought of seeing him again that makes Seokjin smile back and settle for that answer. Maybe another day he'll hear him sing.
By the time they reach the food topic, -where they do not coincide either- they realize the afternoon is upon them. The area of the mountain where they are, although the sun is still high, is about to go dark, turning purple and orange. And although they do not agree on their favorite dishes, they could surely manage to share a meal together, all this and the fact that their stomachs begin to growl at the mention of so much food, forces them to end their talk to leave.
"Mm, yeah," Taehyung agrees with him, picking up his water bottle to return it to his backpack. "Whew, lucky we noticed the time because I was warned before I came up that there's going to be a snowstorm later this afternoon... we'd better be down by then." He stands up, hitching his backpack to his back, "First snowfall this year!" He announces excitedly then pouts his lips, "Although one storm is too much..."
Seokjin has not heard anything Taehyung has said, as he has been too focused on a way to put into words that he likes and that he himself can accept what he means, "Should we go down together?"
"Sure, of course!" Taehyung smiles, as warmly as he has all day. "Let's use the route I took, it's shorter."
Nodding, Seokjin finally stands up, putting on his backpack as well. They start walking down the path where Taehyung appeared earlier.
As Seokjin faces a small internal struggle, Taehyung begins to babble animatedly, "It would be so much better if we could go down the ski ramp, wouldn't it?" Without waiting for an answer, he continues, "Too bad I don't know how to ski. I've always wanted to learn. Wow, I'm so envious of you, Jin... you told me you're really good on the board and now I want to try. But I can't even stand up on skates, I don't want to imagine what I'm like on snow. I'd probably sweep all the snow off the mountain with my butt with every fall..." He kicks a small rock out of the way, "But you must have such good balance! You are good at so many sports and you can ski too... wow..."
Seokjin got used very quickly to the way Taehyung can talk even without stopping to take a breath. He also got used to the times when Taehyung just shuts up to listen, inspiring Seokjin unwittingly to talk more.
"Balance can be learned to master?" Taehyung prances a little, "Maybe you could teach me! That would be so much fun, you know... to come here again and have you teach me how to ski... And I could bring a sled too! That would be great!" He pictures the scene in his head, smiling really big, "Oh, that would be so much fun, Jin... I can already hear that wonderful laugh of yours watching me fall just by putting one foot in the snow."
But suddenly, Taehyung's smile is wiped off and he stops dead in his tracks to look at Seokjin with very big eyes.
Seokjin also stops in his tracks, surprised by the sudden action.
"I'm pushing again, aren't I?" Taehyung ducks his head, shaking it from side to side, "Don't feel pressured to accept. I'm not doing it on purpose... It's not right to assume that you'll just say yes, you're a busy man, and who knows if you want to see again-"
"Yes," Seokjin blurts out, then adds more calmly, "I mean yes, I'll teach you how to ski, whatever you want." He feels his ears burning and he looks away from Taehyung to keep walking and save himself more embarrassment. "I do want to see you again..." He admits quietly.
Taehyung is quickly walking beside him, "Fantastic, Jin!"
And just like that, he then starts talking about something else that has caught his attention: the colors of the sunset reflected on the mountain.
Seokjin is much less aware of what Taehyung says. He feels his whole body burning despite the cold; he feels like a huge swollen tomato. And all that without mentioning he still doesn't even say what he really wants to say to Taehyung. He continues to struggle internally until Taehyung suddenly stops again, placing a hand on Seokjin's chest for brief seconds in which Seokjin begs for him not to notice how fast his heart is beating. He has no way to even explain why he feels so anxious.
"Look at the sunset, Seokjin!"
The point where Taehyung points in the distance takes away Seokjin's anxiety while stealing his breath. It is the most beautiful sunset he has ever seen in his life, colors he has never seen before that can only be admired from the top of a mountain, warm and cool colors blending in harmony in the sky, a yellow and green stripe on the horizon, the stars are already visible above them in the purple sky. It is a wonderful spectacle just for them as an audience.
Again, suddenly, Taehyung takes action. He grabs Seokjin's hands with his own, squeezing them lightly and pulling him closer, closing the little distance between their chests and Seokjin fears that Taehyung will feel his thundering heart beating only in his fingers. But he seems, fortunately, focused on something else,
"Let's make a wish!" Taehyung says excitedly.
Seokjin just looks at him in disorientation.
And as if he could already read him perfectly, without the need for Seokjin to say anything, Taehyung rolls his eyes, refuting any argument Seokjin may have as a reason not to make a wish when explaining his own theory,
"When one is lucky enough to be in front of such a beautiful phenomenon, one should make a wish."
Seokjin returns the grip on his hands a little tighter, licks his lips, and nods, though still out of orbit.
“Let's wish for what we most want to happen at this moment.”
Having said this, Taehyung closes his eyes. Seokjin leaves them open, watching his face, wondering what Taehyung wants so much. He already knows what he wants the most at this moment. And the next moment that Taehyung's eyes are back looking directly at him, at last Seokjin has gathered the courage to say what he has wanted to say since they began to descend,
"Tae... if you don't mind, if- since we're both hungry and... if you don't have something else to do after here," He is intensely embarrassed at the mess he is making of himself because of his strange nerves. "And since you've shared your strawberries and chocolate with me..." He clears his throat slightly, "Can I- would you let me buy you dinner?"
"Now?"
"Yes, now," Seokjin nods, his eyes as big as the ones in front of him. "Well, that is, as soon as we get out of here."
The boxy smile lights up the whole forest so beautifully, "Yes, of course I do! You see? As skeptical as you are, my wish did come true."
Seokjin only has time to smile... and blush, before the terrifying and powerful sound of thunder makes them jump, releasing each other's hands in the process. Followed by this, a bolt of lightning streaks across the sky, a long line that they see almost in three dimensions because it's heading their way.
And even though their hands have been released, Seokjin wraps both arms around Taehyung in an embrace to roll down the mountain just as they hear an explosion behind them, pieces of a tree flying everywhere, and the forest lights up in a painfully blinding way. They roll through the snow in what seems like a fall that will not end, they go at a speed that does not let them stop and they try to shield each other without success, both taking the same number of blows.
They only stop because their heads collide with the trunk of an old fallen pine tree. Both are breathing heavily; Taehyung is trembling under Seokjin, clinging to the older man's arms, he cries out in despair, perhaps still confused by what just happened,
"Seokjin, S-Seokjin! Ji-Jin!"
"It's okay, it's okay," Seokjin squeezes him tighter against his body. "I-It's okay." He repeats to believe it too because he keeps questioning it, "We're fine. It- It was just scary."
Taehyung's face contorts in pain, tears gathering in his eyes, "Jin... the snow..."
Seokjin looks at the sky; before, no one would believe that there would be a snowstorm, because before there was a clear sky that let them see the stars. Where did all those clouds covering the sky come from? They can't see a patch of sky. And the snow begins to fall... to fall with fearful force.
Seokjin stands up, with the strength he doesn't feel, he also helps Taehyung stand up with one hand. Their hands are joined together.
Taehyung asks him explicitly, "Don't let go of me."
Seokjin is about to assure him that he won't when another strange noise catches his ear, which he tunes in, his heart in his throat from the worst and most unpleasant sensation. For what he hears, in the distance, is the faint sound of snow sliding down.
He drags Taehyung out of the row of trees, pulling his hand to stop in a clearing so he can look up at the top of the mountain. Huge mounds of snow crumbling.
Seokjin gasps, running out of air, "Taehyung, the road! Where is the road!"
It was a question to himself as well, because the two begin to look around in despair. Where is the road? How could they have gotten off the road? They only rolled in one direction and suddenly the road is gone. The roar of the avalanche coming towards them becomes more evident and the thick snowflakes falling at full speed one after the other in endless amounts makes it impossible to see where they are going as they inevitably start running, clutching each other's hand like a life preserver, fleeing from the mountain of snow rushing after them, covering trees in their path. They run zigzagging down the steep descent. The snow under their feet buries their shoes, sometimes as if trying to keep one of them behind, but their hands are clasped tightly together. Going down is the only option they have.
Seokjin does not know if they will find any shelter, but they can only go down. However, despite their efforts, the ever-faster avalanche of snow catches up with them. Seokjin squeezes Taehyung's hand with all his might, and tries to make himself heard,
"Keep yourself on the top, Tae! Take a lot of air, now! As if you were swimming!"
Taehyung just shakes his head with his eyes closed. Seokjin doesn't know if he heard it, but, anyway, he can't repeat it to him because the snow covers them. Seokjin wants to tell him, I won't let go of you. He wants to tell him, he wants to show him. But the density and power of the snow only lets him continue to hold Taehyung's hand for short seconds. From one moment to the next, he no longer feels Taehyung's hand. And that's when the real panic takes hold of him.
Seokjin has always been good at staying alert and aware during emergencies, luckily. And with the sole purpose of being able to find Taehyung again in mind, he tries hard not to let the snow bury him, holding his breath.
Amidst the chaos, he manages to hit a tree, climbs it, and manages to stay on top. The avalanche miraculously stops and Seokjin manages to pull his head out of the snow, desperately gasping for air as his eyes search for Taehyung. The snowflakes continue to fall mercilessly and from what little he can see, there is no trace of the younger man.
Seokjin screams in despair and then locates the cause of the snow stopping: a river. The current is not strong, he can barely hear it as if it were a stream, but it must be deep because it is large.
As if to save his own life, Seokjin breaks free from the snow that kept him buried. He begins to cry in an agony he had never felt before and to pray with a faith he didn't know he had within himself. He has to find Taehyung. He has to save him. And when he feels that his chest is going to ignite in fire burning him completely, he sees a flash of a beige headband.
He doesn't know how he saw it, he can't even see far, and with this snow it was impossible. But Seokjin was blessed at this moment, and now he has more reason to fight despite the pain infused throughout his body. He notices that the headband is moving. It is moving with the flow of the river, appearing and disappearing with the waves, so, Seokjin starts chasing the river once he reaches the river's edge without even knowing how he did it. He doesn't lose hope, even when he remembers that Taehyung mentioned not knowing how to swim.
"HOLD ON TO THAT BRANCH!" He shouts anxiously, just trying to make himself heard as he keeps running. He beckons to the tree at the edge of the river, its branches thick and brushing the surface of the water. "TAE, TAKE THE BRANCH!" He doesn't even know if Taehyung hears him. But he can confirm it when he sees Taehyung raise his arms, stretching them as far as he can in a lousy attempt to stay afloat.
In another miracle, he manages to grab the branch. Seokjin catches up and climbs the tree. Taehyung is squeezing the branch tightly, but he keeps swallowing water, icy, moreover; it's probably like swallowing ice chunks. Seokjin can clearly see him losing consciousness, but just then, he grabs his forearm and starts pulling on it. He never imagined that -because of his build- Taehyung would be so light that he could be able to pull him out of the water. Perhaps, in reality, it's just the adrenaline.
Seokjin has never practiced mouth-to-mouth breathing, which is rather inconvenient. But he has seen movies, and at least he has the basic idea. He must give it a try. He pinches Taehyung's nose with his fingers and brings his lips to the younger one's, bringing them together to breathe his own air into his mouth, watching his rib cage swell. He repeats this 4 times and then Taehyung is vomiting water.
Only then, Seokjin allows himself to truly breathe and to breathe for himself in relief.
However, Taehyung is drenched in ice water. He himself is cold, but what Taehyung must be going through must be hell, his body is spasming uncontrollably, and he is babbling gibberish in which he can just make out the name of Seokjin, who keeps talking to him to try to keep him as conscious as possible.
Seokjin quickly takes Taehyung in his arms and again begins to run aimlessly. His legs seem to give out at some point, but they need a roof over his head, he needs to keep Taehyung warm. He needs to get him to safety.
He locates a small opening in the mountain, a sort of cave deeper into the forest, away from the river and far from where the avalanche stopped. He doesn't think twice about heading there. It is indeed a cave, very small, but with a high ceiling.
Upon entering, the first thing he does is to sit Taehyung on the ground with his back to the rocky wall. Without losing his head and without wasting another second, he searches in his backpack for something to place on the floor.
In the rush and desperation of the moment, he has no idea what he is doing, pulling out everything in his backpack without really inspecting what it is, as he is focused on finding something he can use.
It's only when he touches it that he remembers he's brought it: a sleeping bag for two. It's exactly what he needs, plus the cover of a tent he didn't bring with him. Who would have thought that the cotton roof covering, even without a tent, would be necessary?
Seokjin quickly spreads the sleeping bag next to Taehyung to carefully put him onto it, so that he is no longer in contact with the cold surfaces of the cave.
"I have to take your clothes off, Tae... I’m sorry."
Taehyung barely emits a faint grunt, still trembling and with drooping eyelids, absent gaze. It is Taehyung's pallor and lack of response that drives Seokjin to be more methodical and quicker in his actions. He heard it once on TV, on one of those survival programs: if someone falls into freezing water, you have to get rid of the wet clothes as quickly as possible.
And that's what Seokjin does, sending any sense of embarrassment or hesitation to the back of his mind, although he doesn't know if the shivering in his hands is from the cold or from having to undress a boy he's only known for a couple of hours.
Seokjin strips Taehyung of all his layers of soaked clothes, even his underwear, tossing them away without importance. And immediately covers him with the cotton overcoat to dry his body. He takes off his own coat; it is long, almost reaching his knees, so it suits Taehyung well when he himself slips Taehyung’s arms inside the dry coat, which preserves Seokjin's little body heat.
Then, Seokjin helps him into the sleeping bag, rolling it up completely with the whole quilt.
"You're going to be fine. Okay?" Seokjin finally removes the wet headband from his head, "It's going to be okay."
He squeezes the water left by the headband out of his locks, and in the process, realizes he has blood on his palm.
Seokjin then glances at the forgotten headband and sees that it also has a bloodstain that he did not see because he was concentrating on Taehyung's expressionless face.
"Oh, shit." He swears. "You're..." He wipes the blood with the inside of his own shirt to cup Taehyung's cheeks in his hands, forcing him to look at him, "You're going to be fine! You understand me?"
Taehyung only moves his lips a little, but his eyes, now a little wider, are fixed on Seokjin's, who starts blowing warm air over Taehyung's icy cheeks as he covers him up to his head inside the sleeping bag.
The snow does not stop falling heavily outside the cave and the cold is inclement. But Seokjin pays no attention to the pain in his bones, nor to the cold enveloping him, nor to the multiple wounds he must have on his body, because all his concentration is on warming his hands on top of Taehyung's cheeks and checking his breathing, every second watching his chest rise and fall very slowly, afraid that from one second to the next he will no longer see him move.
And when he's not looking at his chest, he's looking at his eyes, silently asking him to stay with him, unable to make a verbal request just to not even consider the possibility that Taehyung might not stay with him. Like so, passes perhaps half an hour, perhaps a full hour. But after this time, Taehyung finally speaks,
"Jin... t-thank you..."
Then Seokjin, finally, sobs, joining his forehead to Taehyung's.
"You saved my life..."
Taehyung is no longer shaking like before. In fact, Seokjin is shaking more than he is, and with the sobs that keep coming out of him, he shakes more intensely.
"You have a bump on your head," Seokjin manages to say.
"My backpack... Yoongi... he m-makes me always bring... first aid."
"I don't know him, but I love him for making you bring it..." Seokjin calms his crying to smile bitterly, "However, you lost your backpack."
"Damn."
That's right. Now, Seokjin feels the security of being able to detach from him, sitting beside him.
Taehyung now looks better.
"It doesn't matter," Taehyung assures, huddling and cowering inside the sleeping bag in short movements. "It doesn't hurt that much."
At least it doesn't bleed anymore either.
"I think I dislocated my shoulder." Seokjin informs him. "It hurts like hell."
"H-how did you bring me here?"
"I don't know," Seokjin answers honestly. "But we won't be able to leave until the storm passes at the very least."
"We need to call Emergencies. Let them know we're stuck here."
Seokjin is immersed in shame that shows on his face. He had been so worried about Taehyung and so committed to keeping him alive that he completely forgot about trying to contact civilization. Taehyung was his priority. "Do you think your phone survived?" he asks the younger man.
"It was in my pants," Taehyung provides, his voice indicating little hope.
Seokjin reaches into Taehyung's pants to feel his pockets. There is no trace of a phone.
"What about yours?" Taehyung asks.
Again, Seokjin's expression dips in embarrassment. He stands up and searches through the things he pulled out of his backpack in his haste to find something to cover Taehyung. His phone was thrown a few meters away from them. Seokjin checks the life out of it,
"It's low on battery," He comments to Taehyung. He hasn't charged it since the day before. It has 5%. He curses to himself all the times he has left his phone with such low battery. But most of all, he curses not having charged it the day before. He gulps to deliver more bad news, "The real problem is..." Seokjin takes a seat across from Taehyung again, "I have the worst phone service in the country."
"Don't you have coverage?"
Seokjin shows him the phone screen, where an active signal bar is clearly visible. So when Taehyung questions him with his eyes, Seokjin explains,
"When I say I have the worst one, it's because my ex was the one who got me the service, which only has calls for numbers that are under this same phone company. If I don't have credit-which I don't have because I was planning to get rid of this number- I can't call emergencies either."
"That doesn't make sense," Taehyung frowns.
"Right?" Seokjin says with a completely dry throat.
"Anyway... You can call-"
"I haven't told you the worst," Seokjin sounds like he's being strung up.
"It gets worse?!"
"I only have thirty seconds of call time left this month."
Taehyung closes his eyes. "Anyway..."
"That's not the worst of it."
Taehyung purses his lips. "Say it already, Jin."
"There are only two numbers in my contact list that I can call because they have the same phone company."
Taehyung opens his eyes questioningly.
"The first one is the plumber who repaired my sink two weeks ago." Seokjin squeezes the phone in his hand, "The second is my ex, who literally hates my guts."
Taehyung takes a breath, for the first time completely voluntarily since he came out of that icy water, he takes a deep breath of air. "Okay, only two choices, only two minutes. You choose well who you will call and what you will say to them."
"The plumber..." Seokjin quickly decides, "I think his name was Juan."
"Jin!"
Seokjin almost jumps in his seat.
"You will call the plumber?!" Taehyung has regained his raspy, deep voice. "In 27 seconds, you're going to explain to him that you're that guy whose toilet he fixed TWO weeks ago and that you're lost in the Nevada Ridge with another guy you met a few hours ago and you need him to call emergency so they can find us?"
"It seems to me that 27 seconds is enough and to spare."
"Call your ex! Tell them to call you back! The plumber will probably answer, listen to you, and then proceed to think it's a joke and tell you not to call back and then hang up on you. And you won't even have battery anymore, even if you still have two useless seconds left on the call."
Seokjin bites his lower lip hard. "She hates me, Taehyung! She literally sent me to hell yesterday." He points to a recent small wound on his eyebrow, "See this? She threw a hair dryer at my head. It's been weeks since we broke up, but while we've both been packing up to leave the house we shared for five years, we've just been fighting. She'd rather want me dead, I'll tell you that much."
"Don't be ridiculous. No one would do something like that." Taehyung reasons. "I'm sure if you call her and explain, she'll be able to put the grudge aside momentarily and send someone... at least for those five years."
Seokjin snorts, "I'd rather have the plumber tell me, 'don't call me anymore, prostitute' than have to ask Misuk for help."
"Your ex’s name is Misuk?" Taehyung asks with genuine curiosity before his expression turns confused, "Wait, why would the plumber call you a prostitute?"
"I don't know! It was the first thing that came to my mind. But I prefer that hypothetical, absurd scenario to calling Misuk."
"You're being irrational, Seokjin! Look at the situation we're in."
Seokjin keeps his eyes fixed on Taehyung's for a few tense seconds, then, he looks at his colorless lips, notices the pallor of his skin and the slight trembling of his body. Then he makes the best decision,
"Okay... I have 30 seconds, low battery, I have to be quick... Okay..."
He dials the number on his phone, taking a breath to hold it in his lungs.
The phone rings 5 times before Misuk's voice is heard over the loudspeaker, "What do you want?"
Seokjin speaks very fast, "I am lost in the snowy mountains, I have no battery in my phone, I have no credit, I need you to call me urgently." He hangs up, releasing the air.
He and Taehyung wait for the call in silence. Five minutes pass and the battery goes to 4%. Seokjin dials his ex again after receiving a pleading and encouraging look from Taehyung.
This time, the phone rings only twice,
"What the fuck do you want, Seokjin? What's wrong with you? I'm not in the mood for stupid jokes."
Seokjin speaks more slowly this time, seriously. This is his last chance. "Misuk, a boy named Kim Taehyung and I are lost and trapped in the snowstorm in the Nevada Ridge. I'm being completely serious. I have no battery in my phone, no credit for more calls. If you don't call me, this boy and I are going to die here. I need you to call me urgently," He closes his eyes, "I'm begging you." He hangs up.
Within two minutes, he receives a call from Misuk, demanding explanations.
Even under these circumstances, without even knowing how, from one moment to the other, Seokjin finds himself arguing with her ceaselessly. She complains to him about a thousand things and he tries to make himself heard over her complaints and claims about how his immaturity is probably the reason why he is in this situation now.
In the end, he fails to explain anything to her, and she hangs up.
Taehyung stares at him, having heard the whole conversation due to the echo inside the cave. Seokjin does not return his gaze and, since he stood up to calm his nerves during the call, pacing back and forth, he sits back down on the cold floor of the cave, feeling terrible.
Ten minutes pass, the phone's battery is down to 2%, and neither of them can think of what to do. Even calling the plumber is not an option now because there is only five seconds left on the call.
Just as Taehyung goes to apologize for suggesting to call his ex, Seokjin receives a call. A bored voice says through the phone,
"We are calling you from The Nevada Ridge Rescue Service, we were informed by a girl that Kim Seokjin and Kim Taehyung are lost in this park, are you Kim Seokjin?"
Seokjin hurriedly replies, "Y-yes! I-"
" Where exactly are you two lost?"
At the question, Taehyung hits his forehead on the cave floor on purpose.
"I-I-"
"If we knew we wouldn't be lost!" Taehyung exclaims in frustration. "Tell them we're at Jiri Peak."
Seokjin repeats what Taehyung has said and adds, "Sheltered in a c-"
"Okay, we're on our way. Keep yourselves in a visible place. See you."
"B-but-" Seokjin doesn't know if the man hung up on him or if he ran out of battery, or maybe both at the same time because the call cuts off and the next thing he sees is the black screen of his phone.
He feels not so much haunted by the fact that his battery is dead, but more haunted by how ambiguous the rescuer's words were. What the hell does it mean, we're on our way? To where? Visible in a storm? And, see you? Is this a goddamn date?
They fall silent again. Taehyung stares at the dark ceiling of the cave, Seokjin looks out, and the only noise is the occasional wind that sneaks inside.
"I had a friend named Misuk," Taehyung comments absently. "We would do yoga together every Friday and then go for drinks for a whole year until she suddenly stopped going and I realized I never asked for her number."
Seokjin briefly thinks back to that time when Misuk went to yoga last year, how on Fridays she would disappear for hours and Seokjin found it somewhat hypocritical of her when she claimed that he went out all the time by himself and he never took her, but she did the same. Seokjin only went to work; she had thousands of activities that did not include him.
Instead of saying this, Seokjin deflects the topic, "With this storm... and at night... it will be impossible to find the road without freezing to death trying." He says hopelessly. It's obvious they have to spend the night in that cave.
"I'm hungry..." Taehyung says after a while.
"I was going to take you to a great place of good food, but this cave seemed more accommodating."
This makes Taehyung smile a little.
Seokjin then remembers that he didn't eat his breakfast, he just threw it into the backpack when improvising this morning. There are two cold tuna sandwiches somewhere in the cave. The darkness begins to take over more quickly inside the cave, so it takes Seokjin a while to find the sandwiches' packaging, having carelessly thrown them away.
He finds them and pulls one out, chopping it in half. He gives the larger part to Taehyung and keeps the other. He suggests saving the other sandwich for the morning.
By the time they finish the sandwich, it is completely dark. Only the moonlight sneaks in from some hole the cave has to let it in, illuminating the place very faintly. But their eyes have adapted to the darkness and at least they can make out each other's figure and even their faces.
Seokjin stays close to Taehyung, unconsciously actually, maybe he does it as a form of survival to keep warm, or because he doesn't want to get too detached from the boy after the scariest experience of his life, thinking he would lose him. And unlike their previous hours together, they are now very quiet, each contemplating and wondering what will become of their future.
The snowstorm begins to subside when it is already very dark, turning to a light snowfall. Perhaps an hour and a half have passed on this when Taehyung suggests,
"Let's share the sleeping bag."
Seokjin shakes his head. Taehyung can see the movement.
"You need it more than I do. I wrapped you with two layers.”
"I'm fine," Taehyung assures, "besides, being together will make us feel better. We'll stay warmer."
Despite having a good point, Seokjin shakes his head again.
"Jin, I have your jacket... I hear you shivering and panting, and the temperature will continue to drop all night."
"I-I'll be fine." The involuntary wheeze in his breath caused by the cold says otherwise.
Taehyung sighs, "You won't let me sleep with the noises you make shaking like that."
He has another good point. Seokjin doesn't even feel his body anymore, only the excruciating pain in his shoulder. Otherwise, he is completely numb.
"At least let me pass you your jacket."
Seokjin stands up, unrolls Taehyung one layer of the sleeping bag, and without another word, he climbs into it. They are both big so the sleeping bag can barely contain them both.
The upside of this is that the relief is greater, the cold can hardly be felt being inside the sleeping bag and so close to Taehyung, both conserving and consuming the heat generated by the other.
On the other hand, they both have to position themselves on their sides so that they can both get into the bag. Seokjin can only sleep on the shoulder that doesn't hurt, which leaves Taehyung the choice of turning his back to him or sleeping while breathing the same air.
When Seokjin entered the bag, Taehyung had already turned around, before realizing that Seokjin can only sleep facing that direction, and it was too late to turn his back to him. So, they end up facing each other, with only inches between their noses.
"You sure are pushy," Seokjin comments amused, not a hint of malice at all.
"I don't want you to be cold." Taehyung holds his hands over his lips, blowing hot air over them.
Neither of them is sleepy, though of course they are exhausted; it is the uncertainty that keeps them awake. And since they can't move, the result is that they simply look into each other's eyes. At least it's not uncomfortable, though not that it's pleasant either. But it causes something weird in Seokjin's stomach, and after so much today, Seokjin doesn't want to think about anything.
After a silent while, Taehyung asks, "Do you think they'll come after us?"
"They wouldn't leave us here."
"But they're going to wait for the storm to pass? Do you think it will pass by tomorrow?"
"I don't know."
Another silence falls over them.
"If the storm passes," Seokjin proposes, "We'll go exploring tomorrow, maybe we'll find back one of the routes."
"Okay..."
Silence again, longer. Taehyung breaks it, "Why did you bring with you a sleeping bag for two?"
Seokjin closes his eyes, pretending to be sleepy with a fake little yawn, trying to evade an answer he still gives, "Misuk and I bought it, just like a tent. We once put together some bags to go camping, but we ended up having an argument. I don't even remember what it was about. But the bags were ready. I took one today without really paying attention to its contents."
"I understand," Taehyung lets out a small, weak laugh, "I bet you never thought you'd use it like this for the first time."
"Certainly not," Seokjin opens his eyes and questions something that seems important to him, "Are you cold?"
"I just feel my hands and feet numb and sore... And my nose."
Seokjin takes his hands and guides his fingers into his gloves, sharing them. He intertwines their legs shyly, and his stocking-clad feet hesitantly touch the soles of Taehyung's, who rubs his against Seokjin’s in search of warmth.
Finally, in a careless impulse that he doesn't even understand where it came from, Seokjin brings their faces even closer, leaving his nose covering Taehyung's, so that he is breathing on his cheek.
Seokjin feels Taehyung's eyelashes flutter, colliding with his own, and they both close their eyes.
"We should sleep," Seokjin suggests in a whisper.
"At least try," Taehyung agrees in a much softer voice.
Seokjin does not add more, surrendering to the exhaustion caused by the number of emotions and physical exertion he was forced to undergo in a very short time.
"Jin..."
"Hmm..."
"Thank you, again."
"Thank you."
Taehyung doesn't ask why he thanks him. Seokjin thanks him again - inwardly - for not asking.
Neither says another word for the rest of the night and at some point, sleep overcomes them.