Chapter Text
The Loud House was in a buzz as usual as Lincoln and his sisters were all getting ready for a huge event. The camera zooms into Lincoln's room as he was busy filling his backpack.
"Let's see. Thermos for the chocolate waterfall? Check! Ziplock bag for the Cheeto-Puff bushes? Oh yeah, definitely check!" He smiled before he noticed the camera. "Oh! Sorry about this, but I'm in a bit of a rush for an awesome trip me and my family are going to."
He moved to grab some towels for any mess and tossed them in, pushing down to make them all fit.
"Ya see, we’re going to Sweetsopolis! The brand new sweet snack shop being opened up downtown by the legendary candy entrepreneur; Reginald Q. Upchukk! His snacks and desserts are famous world wide, so much so he gets offers from every snack food corp on Earth just so they can have their products sold in his stores! He has at least 3 dozen built worldwide, but now he's opening one here in Royal Woods! I've heard awesome things about them: a big rock candy mountain with a river made of soda, a massive chocolate waterfall as big as Niagara Falls! Heck, there's even lollipop trees and a lemonade sea!" He exclaimed happily as Lisa walked by his open door.
"Doesn't sound very good to me!" Lisa chimed in with her own pack full of snack gathering previsions on hand.
He rolled his eyes while looking back at the viewers. "Everyone in the family is jumping around for the trip, and it's a once in a lifetime deal, so I gotta make sure I've got everything I need." He said as he placed the pack of ziplock bags inside and was able to zip it up. "Alright! Time to make history, 'cause this is gonna be the best day ever!"
He rushed out of his room, nearly crashing into Luna and Luan as they were hefting their own bags down the stairs. "Oops! Sorry guys! Just excited to get down to the new shop!" He chuckled as Luan gave a smile.
"Heck yeah! I know the feeling Lincoln, this is gonna b-“
"Luan…remember what we talked about?" Luna frowned as Luan rolled her eyes.
"Ugh fine! This is gonna be fun!" She grumbled as Lincoln gave a confused look to Luna.
"I made a bet with Luan that she couldn't go twenty four hours without saying a single pun, and if she loses she owes me fifty bucks!" The rocker smirked.
"Dang, that's gotta sting. Especially with ALL those sweet and salty snacks we'll get to eat. Boy, who wouldn't wanna make puns on those." He feigned concern while giving a smug grin.
Luan felt her eye twitch as she gave a strained smile. "Lincoln, sweetheart, DEAR LITTLE BROTHER……if you would be so kind as to take my bag to the car please?" She spoke through gritted teeth.
"I don't know sis…I wouldn't want to bag you down.” He quipped as Luna snickered.
"DO. IT. NOW." She let out, her eye twitching as she started grinding her teeth together.
"Hmmmm, what's the magic word?" He teased as Luna covered her mouth, trying not to laugh.
"...Magic word? Okay, how's this?...Scorpions in the underwear drawer!?" She growled slightly as she restrained herself from strangling him.
"Hmmmmmm, Nah! See ya later, Luan, love you!' He spoke quickly as he ran downstairs, all whole Luna fell over laughing.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"Oh sure, KEEP on laughing Luna, enjoy it while you can…" Luan growled, crossing her arms.
Lincoln had made his way to the kitchen table where he saw Lori and Leni texting on their phones and Rita was finishing up feeding Lily. "Aren't you gonna get your bags ready?"
"Oh! Hey, Lincy! We already have our bags packed up there in the car right now!" Leni chimed in sweetly.
"Sigh!" Lucy spoke, appearing from nowhere, making them jump.
"Oh! Hey Lucy." Lincoln said while Lori patted her chest to make sure her heart was still beating. "Are you excited for the trip?"
"No, not at all Lincoln, in fact, I think I might just stay here." She sighed as Leni placed her phone in her pocket.
"What's wrong, Lucy? Why don't you wanna go?" She asked.
"The Mortician's Club has a field trip to Transylvania going on, the greatest of all morbid and dark places to see of all time, but I can't go because I forgot my permission slip."
"Don't worry, Lucy, you can have fun with us! After all, Upchukk has a room filled with Transylvanian chocolate and apparently the room is horror themed!" Lincoln exclaimed.
"Hmmm…I suppose that would help a little bit. I've always wondered if the chocolate from there can make one feel as though they're being swallowed up by true darkness. At least that's what I read from the internet." She remarked.
"That's the spirit, Lucy! Now, go get packed and let’s get ready!" He smiled as Lucy gave a small nod. He watched her walk out before turning to see Leni smiling.
"Aww, that was sweet, Lincoln."
"What can I say? It comes with being a big brother." He boasted with his chest out.
"C’mon, C’mon family! We gotta get going! We're gonna be late for the opening tour!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed, rushing downstairs. "Oh boy, oh boy! Can't wait to try those pretzel cars!" He exclaimed excitedly.
"Kids! Everyone downstairs and in the van!" Rita called out while picking Lily up.
"FIRST ONE IN GETS THE SWEET SPOT!" Lola shouted as all rushed to Vanzilla. The kids all dove into the back, squirming and trying to get inside first.
"HAHAHAHA! SUCKERS! I GOT IT!" Lynn shouted as she quickly strapped in the sweet spot as her siblings all groaned.
"Great, we won't hear the end of this for a while, will we?" Luna frowned.
"Boy, Luan, this sure sounds like something you'd make a crack about, isn't it?" Leni spoke innocently as Luan's eye twitched.
'...24 hours Lu, TWENTY FOUR HELLISH HOURS!' Luan thought in rage.
The rest got in and got situated before Lynn Sr got it started and nearly barreled down the road, if not for Rita giving him a look that said 'Crash the van with the kids inside and you WILL be in the hospital'.
"Oh boy! This is gonna be great! I wonder what we should go for first?" Lincoln said as he pulled out his brochure map for the store.
"The chocolate falls! I'm dying to go over them and get covered all over." Lana piped up.
"I agree! Although the white chocolate lagoon is where I shall be spending my time at!" Lisa smiled, wiping her mouth of the drool going down her chin.
"Now kids, we don't want you to over indulge on too many sweets after all." Rita said as Lynn Sr. snickered.
"Honey, are you sure you're not saying that because you have plans on diving head first into the cherry pie hills?" He chuckled as Rita gave an embarrassed blush.
"Well…..I mean it's not like it'd be too much sugar." She spoke as they all laughed.
"I'm going to take my time and enjoy some of their lollipops. No sense in getting my dress dirty." Lola said as Lana rolled her eyes.
"Is that why I saw you trying to stuff 5 gallon jugs into your bag so you can scoop up some Caramel?" She chuckled.
"I-I did NOT do that!"
"Oh yeah? Prove it, open your bag." Lynn challenged as Lola looked nervous.
"Uhhhhhh…never mind."
All of them burst out laughing as the camera panned away to show the van getting farther away from the neighborhood, with a large building up ahead down the road.
Vanzilla pulled up in a large parking lot as the Louds saw a huge crowd of people standing outside the door of the shop.
"Whoa! Guess when word gets out about a famous dessert maker, almost everyone in town shows up, huh?"
"Aww man, they'll get all the good stuff before us." Lynn groaned irritably.
"Don't worry, LJ, I doubt we'll miss anything!" Lynn Sr. spoke as the doors were flung open by a man wearing fake glasses, a fake nose and a fake mustache over a red tribal mask. He also wore a blue and white sweater vest and a graduation cap on his head.
"HELLO PEOPLE OF ROYAL WOODS! I AM REGINALD Q. UPCHUKK, AND I AM HERE TO ANNOUNCE THAT SWEETSOPOLIS IS NOW OPEN FOR BUSINESS!" He shouted happily as the crowd quickly ran in…
"Oof! Ow! Yeow! Ouch! Watch the-OW!"
…and accidentally trampled him. "Oh…why did I do this to myself?” He groaned in pain as he pulled himself up and dusted himself off just as the Loud’s walked up to him.
"Oh, Mister Upchukk, let me just say it's an honor to finally be able to tour one of your amazing shops!” Lynn Sr. spoke, shaking his hand. "My family and I are really excited to see everything that's…IN-STORE!" He quipped as Luan started to slam her head against the wall.
"...Uhhh, is she okay?"
"Yeah, just trying to get her head in the game." Luna smirked
"Ooooookay….Now then follow me and we shall begin the tour!" Reginald exclaimed as he led the Louds inside.
Luan gave Luna a death glare while the rest of their sibs were trying to contain themselves. "Yuck it up, Luna." Luan muttered under her breath as they followed Upchukk into the building
As soon as the doors opened up and the group entered, immediately the family's eyes widened with their noses assaulted by all sorts of tasty junk food.
"WHOA! GUYS, LOOK! A NACHO WATERFALL!" Lana shouted with stars in her eyes. The large waterfall of melted cheese came down and filled a pond with numerous large nachos floating around it.
"A MARSHMALLOW TEDDY BEAR GARDEN!" Leni exclaimed as she saw a huge botanical garden filled with marshmallow teddy bears.
"A CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRY FOREST!" Lola squealed with some drool at the numerous strawberries hanging on the branches from the trees, each one coated in fresh chocolate ranging from dark to white.
The entire crowd of people awed at the sights before them as Reg gave a chuckle. "Go ahead my friends, eat as much as you want to your heart's content!" All of them didn't need to be told twice and immediately bolted for the nearest salty or sweet junk food with their bags at the ready.
Seeing the people go crazy in his entire room made Reg a tad bit nervous. "Uhhhh people, be sure not to eat ALL of my delectable treats! An-" He was cut off by a large piece of pretzel hitting him and knocking him over. "...Ugh, maybe I should check on the production room.” He groaned.
Lana immediately dunked her head in the cheese, trying to slurp up as much as possible with Lynn helping herself to the nachos, stuffing her mouth with handful after handful.
Lincoln watched as Lisa and Lola dove headfirst into a Pond filled with chocolate cream as Lori and Leni were enjoying the strawberries from the trees. He rubbed his hands and went over to a tiny pond of what looked like brightly colored ducks, before snatching one out and biting into it, revealing a caramel center with the outer part made of white chocolate.
"Mmmmmm! These candy ducks are the best!" He sighed happily just as his stomach began to growl and cramp. "...Uh oh…number 2 emergency!"
Dropping the duck, he held his stomach and looked around desperately for a bathroom.
Lincoln began to panic until he saw a sign that read ‘bathrooms this way’ near the entrance to the room. "Mom! I have to use the bathroom!" He spoke quickly as he ran off.
"Don't be too long, sweetie!" Rita called out as she and Lynn Sr. dove into the nacho cheese river and hitched a ride on a floating Dorito.
Lincoln followed the sign and spotted a door up ahead. He bolted inside and looked around desperately. "Where's the bathroom!?" He muttered until he heard something off in the distance.
"WORK HARDER, YOU BUMBLING DUNDERPATES! THIS SPARKLIUM MUST BE STIRRED INTO THE MIXTURE HARDER!" An angry voice exclaimed.
Lincoln's head turned towards the sound, noting a slightly ajar set of double doors at the far side of the hallway next to the doors of the entrance.
”...That…wasn't there when we came in." He muttered to himself as he slowly made his way to the doors and poked his head inside, where he saw numerous massive glass vats with red and black liquid being stirred by the machinery, but what really freaked him out was the presence of green gas emitting from the tops of said vats. "What the-"
"FASTER! FASTER, YOU NIMRODS! IF YOU SLACK OFF, IT'LL BE YOU GETTING STIRRED!" The angry voice shouted again as Lincoln noticed four small tiki like beings peddling on exercise bikes that were powering the machines.
"What the?" He whispered as he slowly snuck his way in and pulled out his phone so he could film everything he was seeing.
’Ok, all of this is suspicious as heck!' He thought in a panic as he noticed a medium tall man (about as tall as Bobby) holding a red helmet-like thing under his arm, Lincoln also noticed said man also had weird tribal tattoos all across his arms and was wearing a red cardigan and cargo pants as his ash gray hair swayed in the air, but what freaked him out the most was the man also had toxic and poisonous green eyes, a face that was somewhat half scarred and a mouth filled with razor sharp teeth. "...Is that…Reg Upchukk?" Lincoln muttered softly.
"Soon, very soon, my plan will be ready and all of Royal Woods will be bowing before me!" He chuckled deviously, rubbing his hands together.
"Uhhhh Boss?...Can we take a break? The mixture's getting too thick to stir!" One of his minions asked with a tired pant as the man rolled his eyes.
"Ugh fine, all of you take your 45 minute breaks. In the meantime, I'll make sure the Souronious is completed! Wait, you can talk?!” He exclaimed as he put his helmet onto his head, making Lincoln gasp.
"He is Reg Upchuckk!" He whisper-shouted as he took a few steps back, only to bump into the fire alarm, causing it to go off.
"Huh? What's going on?!" The man cried out in confusion while Lincoln facepalmed.
'Damn it, Lincoln!' Lincoln thought in a panic as the man began to look around.
"WHO DARES TO SPY ON THE ILLUSTRIOUS PROFESSOR PESTER WHILE HE'S PLOTTING WORLD DOMINATION!?" The man now known as Professor Pester shouted in rage as Lincoln gulped nervously and took off running, only to trip over a cord as Pester noticed him.
"An Intruder!? Ruffians! Assemble!" Pester exclaimed as his four minions from before, now known as Ruffians, all ran up to him and crashed into each other, the sight of which made Pester facepalm. “Well…better than last time.” He droned before turning his attention back to Lincoln. "Ruffians! GET THAT BOY! HE HAS SEEN TOO MUCH!"
They all saluted and let out gibberish grumbles before running after Lincoln who bolted for the door.
"I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" Lincoln exclaimed, only for Pester to pull out a remote and use it to lock Lincoln inside.
"Oh, I don't think so! You aren't going anywhere!" He chuckled as Lincoln tried to open the doors, but failed. Quickly looking around, Lincoln noticed a nearby ladder and ran over to it just as the Ruffians tried (and failed) to dogpile him. He started climbing with the four getting separated and began following, albeit slower due to their smaller legs.
"Grrrrrr! After him you fools!" Pester shouted, unable to do anything because he wasn't anywhere near Lincoln while said boy kept on climbing, reaching the catwalk above as he started running across it as the Ruffians finally made it to the top and gave chase.
"Hahahahaha! Now we gotcha cornered, kid!" One them snarled with a demented grin as they chased Lincoln to a dead-end.
”Oh no!" Lincoln gulped as he looked around for a way out.
"Excellent work! Now keep him there, I'll deal with him myself!" Pester exclaimed as he jumped from his spot and started to run over to the ladder, all while Lincoln began to panic until he came up with a plan.
"Uhhhh…. HEY LOOK, A …UHHHHH…A DISTRACTION!" Lincoln shouted, pointing behind the Ruffians.
"WHERE!?" The Ruffians all shouted as Lincoln jumped over the railing and grabbed the lip of the nearest vat.
'I cannot believe that actually worked!' He thought, shimmying his way across the edge of the vat the opposite way.
"Hold it right there, boy!" Pester shouted from above him. "You have nowhere else to go! Surrender yourself and I promise to only partially hurt you!" Pester spoke, crossing his arms.
Hearing this made Lincoln boll his eyes. "Yeah, no! I'm not stupid! And you're no entrepreneur, you're just some weirdo who wants to be a tyrant!" Lincoln frowned as he felt his hands losing grip, but noticed the vat shook a little when one of his hands fell to the wayside, which gave him an idea.
"Ha! What would an insignificant little brat like you know? All you care about is stuffing your face with all the sugary junk food you want! My plan for this little town is more than you can imagine." Pester growled, upset that a meer child was mocking him.
"Oh? And what plan is that? Give everyone Type-1 Diabetes? Newsflash! Flip does that with his flippee machine on a daily basis!" Lincoln mocked as Pester clenched his teeth.
"Grrrrr, that fat oarfish slop wouldn't know quality snacks if the recipe was taped to his eyelids!"
"Oh, and YOU know what a quality snack is? Yeah, I doubt that. And what exactly are you a ‘professor’ of anyway? Mediocrity?" He quipped as Pester felt his blood boil as the Ruffians all laughed at him.
"WHAT ARE YOU FOOLS LAUGHING AT!?" Pester growled as the Ruffians instantly shut up, all while Lincoln smirked.
'Just one more push!' Lincoln thought, as he knew just one more insult would send Pester over the edge. "Well, there's one thing to say about your snacks."
"What's that?"
"Oh sure, they're good, but they're also so stale after one day that it'd be easier to bite through jawbreakers. For someone who thinks he's a great snack maker, you sure suck at making actual FRESH food."
"Ooooooooooooh!" The Ruffians hissed at the sick burn delivered towards their boss as Pester could feel his eye twitch and his fist clenching in rage.
"THAT'S IT! NOW YOU DIE!" Pester roared as he jumped towards Lincoln…only to miss entirely and smash into the vat causing it to tip over and domino the other vats into crashing and spilling their liquid contents.
"WOAH!" Lincoln let go and rolled across the floor, as the liquid surged across the room and broke down the door alerting the tour group in the massive snack room who heard the huge crash.
"What was that?!" Lana asked, mouth full of gummy worms.
"I don't know dudes, but it came from the lobby!" Luna shouted, sticking her head out of a giant lemon meringue pie as Rita suddenly remembered something.
"Where's Lincoln!? He said he had to use the bathroom!" She said in a panicked tone as The rest of the Loud’s and tour group all ran into the lobby just as Lincoln came sliding out the room covered head to toe in the weird red and black gunk.
"Yuck! Too sour!" He grimaced as he spat some out.
"Lincoln!" His family shouted.
"Lincoln, are you okay!?" Rita asked as she helped him to his foot.
"Yeah I'm okay…on the plus side, I don't have to use the bathroom anymore" He groaned.
"What the heck happened?" Lori asked
"And what are you covered in?" Lola said, holding her nose shut from the foul smell coming off of him.
"Honestly?...I don't even know, but I have to tell you guys something! Reg Upchukk is a fraud! He's a mad scientist called Professor Pester! And I have proof!" Lincoln exclaimed pulling his phone out…only to see it had been short circuited due to the incident.
"Uh….say what?" Luan questioned.
"It's true! He's got these weird tiki minions and they were mixing up this goo stuff! Said he had a plan for Royal Woods! I barely escaped from them!"
"And you said he's a mad scientist?" Lori asked with a raised eyebrow clearly not buying this.
"It's the truth! I recorded it all!" Lincoln tried to explain…only for Reg himself to walk up to the group.
"Oh dear what happened here?" He asked innocently as Lincoln frowned.
"You!" Lincoln snapped as he ran over and tried to attack Reg, only for Luna and Luan to hold him back.
"Whoa! Settle down there, bro!" Luna said.
"He's crazy! He needs to be stopped before he tries something!" Lincoln exclaimed as Reg patted his head.
"Nonsense, young man!...Mr. and Mrs. Loud your son here found his way into my production facility and caused an accident, but luckily no one was hurt…however due to this major financial setback I'm afraid I'll have to leave Royal Woods." Reg spoke in a 'sad' tone as the tour group began to murmur in shock and sadness at this information.
"WHAT?!" The Loud family let out in shock as all of them, except for Lynn Jr., glared at their only son/brother.
"Lincoln Albert Loud! I can't believe you caused this man so much trouble now the town has lost its best benefactor!" Lynn Sr. spoke as Lincoln gulped.
"But Dad! I'm telling the truth!" Lincoln tried to say. "And besides, the town can get another benefactor right?" He asked as Lisa cleared her throat.
"Negative, older brother, Royal Woods has not had a better benefactor since Mr. Eugene H. Slabs during the 1980's." She explained.
"Well… the goo! Check it! It's probably some weird concoction he made to poison everyone!" Lincoln said, scooping some up into his hand as Lana sniffed the goo and happily ate it.
"Hmmmmmm Kinda sour and yet also very very very sweet!" Lana said, gulping it down.
"Yeah Lincoln, real poisonous." Lori remarked, rolling her eyes.
"But Bu-" Lincoln stammered as Reg cleared his throat.
"Now now, no need to be upset, accidents will happen. I'm just glad no one was hurt, after all I may consider staying here in town if you promise to keep this young lad out of trouble." He spoke with a smile as Rita and Lynn Sr. looked at each other and nodded.
"We will, Mr. Upchukk… Lincoln! You're grounded until further notice!" Rita said, crossing her arms.
"What?! But you can't listen to him! He's up to no good!" Lincoln said as Lori began to push him towards the exit.
"Yeah yeah, sure he is and then you slayed the jabberwocky and went off to save Narnia!" Lori responded with an eyeroll.
"You all have to believe me! He's not a good guy! He's some crazy wackjob who's out to cause trouble!" Lincoln exclaimed as he and his family walked into the house, shocked no one was believing him when he told them that a guy who makes candy was really a mad scientist hellbent on world domination…..wait a sec.
"Dude, you messed up, just drop it." Luna groaned angrily while shaking her head laying on the couch and watching TV.
"Yeah, Lincoln! We heard you a thousand times!" Lola spoke, rolling her eyes in annoyance.
"It's the truth! I swear!" sadly no one was listening as all the louds went their separate ways, all while he collapsed into the armchair.
"Ugh! Seriously, why won't anyone believe me?" He sighed as he stared at the TV Luna had left on until Rita stood in front of it.
"I thought I told you that you were grounded until further notice?” She said in a stern tone crossing her arms.
"But mom, I-“
"No buts young man, up those stairs!" Rita pointed.
He let out an annoyed groan before getting up and made his way up the stairs with a grumble. "Not fair…" Lincoln trudged down the hall and towards his room, upset that not a single one of his sisters or his parents wanted to actually listen to him.
"Well, at least it can't get any worse." He mumbled. Before he entered his room, he heard the TV's volume in the living room go up as he could hear a news report happening.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hilly Burford here and this is Royal Woods world news live with Katherine Mulligan and Dimmsdale's own Chet Ubetcha! Reporting live at the Sweetsopolis Store in downtown Royal Woods!"
"That's right, Hilly, and I am here at this amazing store where a sad tragedy happened. It would seem a small accident has caused damage to some of the machinery to where part of the tasty snacks being made will have to be replaced and be out of commission for a bit. This has led to local residents getting quite rowdy." Chet exclaimed as Katherine gave a nod.
"That's right, Chet! Local candy entrepreneur and now brand new benefactor of Royal Woods, Reg Upchukk, has confirmed that one Lincoln Loud has caused quite the scene in his production factory, and has gone on record to say and I quote 'I don't blame the innocence of a young curious child! However I will not tolerate the actions of a misbehaving brat!'” Katherine quoted as Lincoln could be seen sneaking his way to the top of the stairs and watching the broadcast.
"That son of a bitch." He muttered, clenching his fists tightly and feeling anger rising back up as the news anchors continued their job.
"However to make things worse, Mr. Upchukk has confirmed that he's willing to stay the town's benefactor if Lincoln Loud is kept under proper lock and key!" Katherine said as Chet placed a finger to his earpiece.
"What's that?...HE SAID WHAT!?...People of Royal Woods and people in my hometown of Dimmsdale, California, be prepared for some good and bad news. The good news is Mr. Upchukk has indeed confirmed that he'll be opening a brand new Sweetsopolis in downtown Dimmsdale, starting next month!" Chet exclaimed before his face took on a grim look. "However, for the people of Royal Woods, the bad news is that Sweetsopolis is now officially closed until further notice, so now no one is allowed at the entrance to eat those delectable treats that Mr. Upchukk is known for making. Boy, I'd hate to be the reason why the store is temporary shut down, and I'm so glad I'm not a pariah kid that's set to be endlessly tormented and bullied all for doing something stupid! Back to you, Hilly!" Chet exclaimed.
"THAT'S BULLSHIT!" He snapped at the TV, now really fuming. "HE'S TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY! HE'S THE-"
"LINCOLN! BACK IN YOUR ROOM! NOW!" Rita snapped, making him jump.
"IT'S THE TRUTH!" He snapped back before stamping to his room. Lincoln scowled and face planted onto his bed.
”Grrrr! Stupid Professor Pester! I can't believe he's fooled everyone into thinking I'm the bad guy here!...there's gotta be a way I can expose him, but how?"
He gave his pillow several hard punches to try and get some of the anger out, before hearing a knock at his door. "Hmmm?...Come in?" he said as Lynn poked her head inside.
"Hey bro…you got a minute?"
He frowned and turned away from her, crossing his arms. "What do you want? Gonna complain like the rest? Because right now I'm NOT in a good mood. Athlete or not, don't push me right now, Lynn."
Hearing him say this made Lynn sigh and roll her eyes as she shut the door. "No, Lincoln. Look, I'm gonna cut the shit and just say it….I believe you."
He turned his head to look at her before letting out a snort and chuckled. "Good one, maybe you're taking notes from Luan."
"I'm serious, Lincoln! I've seen the way you panic before, and I can tell the difference between you overreacting and you being actually panicked by something. And besides, that Upchukk guy always rubbed me the wrong way anyways!" She said, cracking her knuckles all while Lincoln gave a surprised look.
"Wait you…you're actually being serious?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm serious! So I don't know what that weirdo is planning next, but I’ll be there to back you up!" she smiled, placing an arm around his shoulder.
"Hold on, if you believe me, then why don't you tell the others?"
Lynn gave a sigh and looked away. "Lincoln, be honest with me…after the ‘Incident’ last year, do you actually think anyone's gonna believe what I say?" She asked as Lincoln looked down.
"Oh…yeah…I…I guess you have a point."
"Besides, without any hard proof, people will figure it's just part of our family. We cause issues or break something because we're rowdy or klutzy, and people go ahead and think it's all the same. Even if we told this over the news, they'd think it was some prank. Meaning it's just the two of us." Lynn said, holding out her fist for a bump as Lincoln smiled and delivered a fistbump. "Alrighty then, ‘Man with a plan’! What's our next move?"
"That mad man was up to something with the stuff he was mixing in the factory. If we could figure out what it was and what his plan is, then maybe we can figure out how to stop and prove to everyone he's not the good guy around town." Lincoln as Lynn gave a nod.
"Alright! We'll start Monday after school given mom and dad grounded you, but until then Linc, make some more plans! We'll need all we can get!" Lynn said as she quickly rushed out of Lincoln's room as he turned around to look out the window.
"It might just be Lynn, but at least I've got someone on my side. Whatever that mad man's got in mind, we're gonna figure it out and stop him, and then I can clear my name… THIS I SWEAR!" Lincoln shouted heroically as he heard a fist banging on his wall.
"LINCOLN! GO TO BED ALREADY!" Lola shouted.
"I AM GOING TO BED!"
In the closed Sweetsopolis, Pester was in his office cleaning on his hands while watching the Ruffians down below cleaning and mopping the floor of his production facility. "To think an insufferable brat would cause me to have to push my plans back, and right when everything was going so well, too!" He grumbled as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "...But still, nevertheless, that Loud brat may prove to be a thorn in my side in the future, so for now my slander campaign should keep him at bay long enough for Project: Cappellaio to come into fruition" He smirked as he pressed a button on his desk.
"Ruffians! Inform Agents Tunaghost, Mothman, and Dark-Booty that I'll be late for our nightly meeting of the minds. I have something cooking up and do not wish to disturbed!” He informed as all four of the Ruffians saluted and were about to run off until they heard the intercom come back on. "Do it AFTER you finish cleaning, you Nincompoops!"
The four all saluted and bumped into each other again, making two fall on their backs with the other two scrambling to grab their mops, only to slip on the wet floor and land on their faces.
"Oi, so hard to find evil help these days!" Pester groaned before he stood up and left the office. He made his way over to a picture of a jawbreaker, pushing it to the side before pulling a hidden lever behind it. A door slid open to the side, revealing a secret elevator that he entered before he was carried down, deeper into the factory.
Pester got off the elevator as it stopped and walked up to a keypad and typed in: 22-9-22-1-16-9-14-1-20-1. A door opened up, revealing a harsh ethereal green glow and he walked inside locking the door behind him. He stood in front of a large tank that had a green liquid inside with various bubbles rising up to the top with a creepy look to it.
"All according to Keikaku!" He smirked. "It may take some time, but my plan WILL come to fruition, and then VICTORY IS MINE! AHAHAHAHAHA!”
Notes:
Exactly what is Pester planning? anyway can you all guess the references in this episode? can anyone guess the Pin code Pester logged in? anyway Guys in the Next Episode Lincoln and his sisters go back to school and face some issues with Lincoln's new notoriety and Leni learns her favorite cartoon from the 90's is being rebooted and gains a crush on the young Stunt double! anyone who correctly guesses who he is gets to pick the villain for episode 3! here's a hint to his identity: He shares a Voice actor with a 90's cartoon character.
Chapter 2: Mall of the Haunted
Summary:
While Lincoln deals with issues at school. Lori Luna Luan and Leni go to the Mall and learn their favorite show from the 90s is being rebooted! only for trouble to be unleashed which shakes up the Loud family forever.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"I can't believe this!" Lincoln groaned angrily in his bedroom. It had only been a day since his encounter with Professor Pester and was turned into the town pariah by him.
'At least Lynn believes me…but we need to find a way to expose that phony for the fake he is!' Lincoln thought angrily while balling his fists, desperately wanting to take his anger out on something. "All I can do now is hope school won't be terrible." He muttered as he punched the wall. 'I just jinxed myself, didn't I?'
Lincoln and Lynn hopped out of Vanzilla. "Have fun at school kids…and Lincoln?" Rita spoke.
"Yes, mom?"
"...try to keep a…low profile." She told him uneasily before quickly driving away, just barely keeping the van's speed low enough to avoid a ticket.
Lincoln rolled his eyes and gave an annoyed sigh as Lynn grabbed his shoulder.
"You okay, bro?"
"No. Everyone's definitely gonna hate me." He said, looking down.
"…"
"What, you're not gonna say they won't?" He asked as Lynn gave him an uneasy look.
"And jinx it to probably make it worse?" She responded as he started to look sad.
"…*Sigh*…fair point…let's just get this over with." He said as they walked into the school seeing a hoard of students in the hallway who all stopped talking and saw them.
Lincoln had never felt more like a deer caught in headlights in his life as he felt everyone's eyes on him.
Before Lincoln could even open his mouth everyone present immediately started to point and laugh at him, making him try to make himself look smaller.
"What a freakin' loser!" He heard someone who had greasy looking black hair say, standing next to Chandler and Trent, both of whom were also mocking him.
"You wouldn't see me do something that crazy!" Another voice said, making Lincoln facepalm.
"I heard he tried to ruin the place on purpose!" A snobby girl voice stated as Lynn clutched her fist and turned to the voice who said.
"Alright, Vana! Shut your mouth my brother did not ruin anything on purpose!" She growled at the popular girl with long red hair and wearing a pink shirt and skirt, who just looked at them smugly.
"Oh please! Lynn, your brother is obviously a problem. I mean, he ruined the greatest store ever!" Vana smirked. "And besides as far as I know he's just a mindless brute like you!" She said, getting all up in Lynn's face.
"At least he never got plastic surgery. What 12 year old has a chest that big?" Lynn jabbed back as Vana started glaring at her.
"Oh please! At least I don't look like some gross out jock that takes steroids!" Vana smirked as Lynn saw red and was about to jump the girl, only for Lincoln to hold her back.
"Lynn! Stop! She's not worth it!" He told her as Lynn calmed down and walked off. "You got lucky, Glamma!" Lynn shouted as she and lincoln made their way down the hall.
"Don't worry, Lynn, at least it can't get any worst" Lincoln sighed as he began to hear music and saw Rusty pushing a cart which had a small tv on top which played a video of him dressed as a bug eyed clown doing a stupid dance.
"Crazy boy, crazy boy
Hey Look it's the crazy boy
Jumpng up, Jumping down
And he's dressed as a funny clown!
Wacky, goony, goofy, spoony
High as a plane or a balloon-y
Crazy boy, not a ploy!
As he ride, ride, ride, ride, ride
It's a crazy boy, not a schmazy boy
He'll eat your toys, then punch Roy
Sloppy, sloopy, gloppy, gloopy
Happy-happy, hoopy-hoopy
Dopey, doffy, screwy, blue-y
Gooey, chewy, fooey, dewey
Absolutely bus-a-looey
Crazy, lazy, crazy, crazy boy!
A flat tire is no problem
Because it's only flat on the bottom
A flat tire is no problem
Because it's only flat on the bottom
So let's go!
Let's go!
Let's go!
Wacky, goony, goofy, spoony
High as a plane or a balloon-y
Sloppy, sloopy, gloppy, gloopy
Hoola-hoopa, hoppy-hoopy
Dopey, doffy, screwy, blue-y
Gooey, chewy, fooey, dewey
Absolutely bus-a-looey
Crazy, lazy, crazy, crazy boy!
Crazy!
Boy!
Crazy!"
The song played as Lincoln’s mouth was dropped onto the ground as he had a horrified look on his face.
"‘Crazy Boy’ T-shirts, mugs and merch! Get your ‘Crazy Boy’ merch right here, folks, fresh off the press! I made these overnight so get 'em while ya can!" Rusty exclaimed as he rewound the song and played it again, all while kids throughout the hallway ran up to him with their cash and wallets in their hands.
"…" Lincoln said nothing as he was too shocked and disgusted at the fact that Rusty would capitalize on his situation. '…Actually considering how he normally is, I really should've seen this coming.' He thought while snapping out of his stupor and glaring at his 'friend'.
"I got this one, bro." Lynn spoke as she walked off screen while rolling up her sleeves and in the span of three seconds-
*WACK PUNCH! SMASH! CRASH! BOOM!*
-Lynn walked back to Lincoln, dusting off her hands.
"There we go! You better head off to class bro before the bell rings." She told him. "Lynn yo-"
"Off. To. Class." She said, ignoring the massive scene of non-fatal carnage behind her.
"Uhhhhh, okay?" He said uneasily as he hurried along.
"Ugh, everything hurts." Rusty groaned as Lynn threw one of his Lincoln mugs at him like a baseball. "Now everything hurts worse!"
"This is completely unbelievable!" Lola complained as Lana ignored her as she read her magazine.
"Yeah sure, sis." Lana said uninterested in Lola's numerous complaints.
"This attitude towards us is entirely unacceptable! And it's all Lincoln's fault!"
"Actually wierd-la! It's perfectly acceptable!" An obnoxious voice exclaimed as a cupcake was thrown at Lola's head.
"YEEEEEEAH!" An equally obnoxious group of brats exclaimed.
"Oh go take a dive in a dumpster, Mertle!" Lola growled as her rival and her cronies sauntered up to her.
"Oh please! As far as I'm concerned, you're just as crazy and as bad as your weirdo brother!" Mertle said as Lana closed her magazine and stepped in front of her.
"Say that about our bro again and you'll be sorry!" Lana snarled, making Mertle and her cronies flinch and run off scared, whining for her mommy.
"Stuck up brat." Lana grumbled as she grabbed the cupcake from Lola's head and happily ate it.
"Mmmm boysenberry!" She smiled as Lola sighed.
”I can't believe this, Lana! This is all Lincoln's fault for ruining Mr. Upchukk's shop and now everyone thinks we're just as nuts as he is!" Lola frowned placing her bag in her locker as she saw Lana reading the magazine again.
"Ugh! Lana, are you listening to me!?" She snapped.
"HUh? Oh sorry, Lola, I'm just reading about the monster sightings on Lake Eddy!" Lana said, showing her sister the article she was reading. "See? It talks all about the Lake Eddy monsters! They're calling the ‘terrorpins’!"
"Lana, that's more ridiculous than Lincoln's claims!" Lola scoffed in disbelief
"But the magazine says they're real, Lola! And since Mom and Dad are taking us to Lake Eddy next month, I bet you twenty bucks I'll find them!" Lana said with a high level of confidence.
"HA! Deal!" Lola said as they shook hands only to hear the sound of thunder strike outside and the sounds of someone banging on a window the twins looked over and saw Lucy standing outside soaking wet.
"What the heck are you doing out there?!" Lola exclaimed as she opened the window and pulled Lucy inside, almost immediately gagging from the smell around her.
"I was thrown into the trash and locked outside." Lucy sighed with noticeable tear stains on her cheeks.
"Who did this to you?" Lola asked, cracking her knuckles.
"It was Eugene and his jerk friends…" Lucy spoke as Lana handed her a few paper towels she kept under her hat and used them to dry her faceoff.
"Aren't they high schoolers?"
"Lana, that moron's failed the fifth grade for 9 years in a row. He makes the special ed students look like Lisa." Lola told her twin.
"…This is all Lincoln's fault." Lucy growled as the twins jumped when they heard the rain speed up and a bolt of lightning struck the school, knocking out the power and engulfing them in darkness. "…Does this mean school is canceled?" Lana said hopefully as the lights flickered back on. "Aw, dang it!"
Lori, Leni, Luan and Luna were all on their way to the mall. After what had happened with Lincoln and the 'Sweetsopolis' incident, the eldest Loud sisters decided instead of going to school, they would spend most of the day at the mall.
"I literally can't believe that little twerp ruined possibly the best day of our lives!" Lori growled at her phone as she saw people constantly mocking them on social media.
"Yeah, of all the times for the little dude to lose his marbles." Luna chimed in bitterly.
"I'm just glad I can make puns again." Luan said with a hefty sigh while also thinking of how to pay back her siblings and father for the egging on that occurred that day.
"Don't you think people are kind of being totally a bit harsh on him?" Leni asked.
"No, not really." Luna yawned
"Don't care enough right now." Luan sighed while still in her thoughts.
"They should be harsher on the twerp." Lori growled while blocking people who were mocking her online.
Leni gave a sad sigh and began to browse on her phone until she saw some amazing news.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” She screamed in joy, making her sisters cringe as Lori hid her phone to avoid it possibly cracking from the high tone.
"LENI! WHAT THE HELL!?" Lori exclaimed as she nearly swerved off the road and into an 18-wheeler.
"There is ringing in my ear." Luan said, completely dazed and staring off into space.
"What the hell was that for, brah?!" Luna shouted angrily.
"Oops! Sorry guys but I have some great news, they're rebooting that old 90's show 'Phantom Knight'!" Leni exclaimed.
"Wasn't that show canceled 'cause the star was arrested for sleeping with a 15 year old?" Luna asked.
"That was a false conviction, the teen admitted she lied for money and his popularity skyrocketed after. But whatever, are you literally serious?!" Lori asked.
"Yeah! The director, Mr. Bumm B. Shoun is making it along with the original star Vlad Masters!"
"I thought it was 'Vladimir Masterson'." Luan spoke after shaking her head for a good minute to stop the ringing.
"He shortened it. That's totally a mouthful. Anyway, it says they're gonna be at the mall today looking for extras for the show!" Leni smiled as Lori rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"Let me guess, you want to try and get a role?" She asked.
”Lori, we all know you're totally gonna go down there and do the exact same thing."
"*Gasp* Leni, how could you say such a thing? Do you really think I have such an ego I'd try to upst-"
"Lori, just drive. You're not fooling anyone here." Luan said with a glare. "Ugh, fine. Don't see me interrupting your pity monologues."
"Yes you do. To everyone. And besides, we all know you had a silly school girl crush on Vlad when you were a kid."
"I was literally six!" she argued with a red face.
"Lori, I know people say I'm the stupid one, but you were thirteen." Leni said with an innocent, yet smug look.
Lori said nothing as she just simply sped up in embarrassment and anger.
The sisters had pulled up into the mall parking lot and saw a mob the size of a small town was swarming the place.
"I guess Phantom Knight was more popular than I thought." Lori said with wide eyes
"Oooh I wonder where we can go to see the director?" Leni asked as Luan and Luna both made their way through the crowd and into the mall as Leni was trying to see around it.
"Ugh! Can't see!" Leni groaned as Lori sat on the nearby bench texting Bobby all while Leni tried to push through the crowd only to nearly crash into someone. "Sorry." Leni said as she looked down at the young teen she had bumped into. He had messy black hair and somewhat pale skin, and was wearing a blue hoodie with a white shirt, some blue jeans and a pair of black and white sneakers.
"Uhhhhhh…" Leni spoke, feeling her cheeks slowly turning red as the boy held out his hand for her to take. "Sorry about that." He chuckled nervously with his own face turning a little red as he looked up at her. "S-Sorry, I wasn't really paying attention." Leni said.
"It's uhhhh…It's fine." He said, looking away from her.
"LENI!" She heard Lori cry out for her
"Over here, Lori!" Leni called back as she turned back to the boy and smiled.
"Gotta go, see ya around!" She said before running off to her older sister.
"Leni, where were you?" Lori asked, crossing her arms.
”Trying to get to the front, why?" She asked as Lori facepalmed.
"No I mean….ugh forget it let's just get this over with." She groaned while grabbing Leni's wrist.
”Mean what?" Leni asked, genuinely confused.
Lori and Leni finally managed to squeeze their way to the front of the crowd where Leni saw the boy she bumped into earlier on the stage along with the director……who was literally just Professor Pester wearing Groucho Marx glasses and a blonde toupee with a black sweater vest and beret.
"Welcome! Welcome!" He said in a very cheesy french accent as the crowd began to clap and cheer.
"I am zhe great director Bumm B. Shoun! And I am here to reveal to all of you zhe cast of zhe new Phantom Knight reboot! Vith zhe help of zhe original ztar! Mizter Vlad Mazterz!" He announced, his accent sounding more Getman than French in some places, as he gestured to an open doorway where a rather tall man in a suit with neatly combed graying hair tied back into a ponytail stepped out.
"The director kind of looks familiar, don't you think?" Leni said to her older sister.
"Not really, why?" Lori spoke not even looking at the stage as Leni squinted at him.
"He does! He kind of looks like that candy guy!"
"They're probably cousins or whatever." Lori said, still texting on her phone.
"Now zhen mizter Mazterz, if you vould?" The director said, handing the microphone to the former star, who cleared his throat and took it from the OBVIOUSLY masked man.
"Thank you, Mr. Shoun. Now then, ever since the original Phantom Knight show was canceled in the late nineties my life had… hit a snag, if you willbut when Mr. Shoun here gave me a chance to get back my former gl…. I mean, bring back this glorious show, I took it because his reboot is near and dear to my heart and after all the previous attempts to bring the show back resulted in a few…tragic accidents…and lawsuits… this time we aim to make sure everything happens on schedule." He declared, prompting people to clap at his speech
"Yez! Now zhen let uz introduze zhe new Phantom Knight himzelf! Everyone zay ello to…Danny Fenton!" The director exclaimed as Danny stood up and gave a shy wave to the crowd who clapped for him.
”Ooh, I bumped into him earlier!" Leni said as Danny spotted her and slowly blushed as she waved at him.
"Now zhen, young Fenton, tell zhe crowd what zhis role meanz to you!" Bumm said, holding the mic to Danny's face. "Uhhh-"
"Vonderful!" He said, cutting the young boy off before he could even finish his first word. "Now zhen everyone muzt go avay vhile ve begin to film! Ve vill be opening up zhe extras auditions later in zhe day!" The 'director' told everyone who groaned in disappointment and began to disperse, aside from those who wanted autographs.
"Ugh finally those insipid fools are gone!" Pester growled, removing his wig as he went over to a wall and pulled a lever revealing a massive tub of glowing green liquid. "You really need to work on that accent, were you supposed to be a French director or a German schultz?" His movie star scoffed at him
"Oh please! As long as those fools think I'm a real director, then our plan will go off without a hitch! All you need to do is make sure your little understudy has an… ‘accident', just like all the others." Pester told Vlad who simply rolled his eyes.
”Are you certain we need to do this dance again? If we go through with this reboot and it proves a success, we could use the earnings to fund your little…'projects'." He said as Pester pressed a button on the console causing the massive tube to glow.
"Of course we do! After all, if it wasn't for me, everyone would know you were responsible for all of those ‘accidents’. You just play your part, Vladimir, and I shall play mine!… And besides, I noticed a few of that annoying brat's sisters were here, and I don't need ANOTHER child discovering my plans. I'm just lucky almost everyone in this state is a fucking moron!” Pester spat out before clearing his throat and fixing the groucho marx glasses to his mask.
"Now zhen shall ve?" He said as Vlad facepalmed.
“… Very well, just unleash the damn things when I give the signal." He told him while leaving the 'director' to put on the rest of his costume.
"Soon!" Pester said looking at the tube as a skeletal hand touched the glass, longing for escape.
Lincoln groaned as he tried to eat his sandwich in quiet only to be pelted with a rotten orange.
"Hey crazy boy! Look out, the sky is falling!" Chandler laughed as he threw another orange at Lincoln's head as Lincoln tried to ignore him.
'If one more person throws something at me…' He thought just as a certain clown haired ginger decided to toss a grapefruit at him
"Get your crazy boy grapefruits! Ripe for throwing!" Rusty shouted, holding up a grapefruit as Lincoln took a deep breath, packed his stuff up and walked towards him. "Hey, Crazy Boy, how's it go-hey, what're you doing?" He asked as Lincoln grabbed him by the collar and dragged him out into the empty hallway, not once even slowing down from his weight being dragging behind him.
*Bang! Crash! Boom! Crash! Smash blingbling! Boom BANG!*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Rusty screamed in pain as Lincoln casually walked back inside dusting his hands off, leaving the entire room more silent than a funeral as he sat down and pulled his lunch back out as if nothing happened. Everyone then turned their heads to the cafeteria doors as Rusty very shakily poked his head inside.
"Whoevers mom is the owner of the black Honda Civic, she’s getting towed." Rusty spoke as he walked back inside…now shoved into a vending machine, his head sticking out of broken glass and his legs dangling out from the little flap at the bottom as he waddled/limped his way into the cafeteria.
Rusty sat down on a bench and began to cough up bags of Doritos and a Snickers bar, making everyone around him leave for other tables. "I think I need to call my parents."
*30 minutes later with Leni*
Leni was standing in line for auditions after Lori and the others had all gone off to do their own thing, Lori obviously to chat with Bobby, the other two Leni didn't have a clue.
"I totally hope I can get that part!" Leni exclaimed happily as she stepped onto the stage.
"Alright now, young lady, why don't you tell us your name?" The director spoke with a fake, cheesy grin.
"Hi, my name's Leni!" She said excitedly as she tripped over the microphone cable, sending it flying as it bounced atop the heads of a few people, ricocheted off the nearby wall, smacked poor old Mrs. Cramdilly across her forehead sending her flying out through the window and landing on top of the car of the Spokes family, the impact of which launched Rusty(who was checked out of school by his father), now free of the vending machine, into a fire hydrant however as Rusty stood up on shaky legs his father's car rammed into him and the fire hydrant which then proceeded to explode and causing the nearby telephone pole to fall on top of the car causing another explosion as Rusty pulled himself out of the pile he noticed poor old Mrs. Cramdilly being helped up by another driver, only for the old woman to be sent flying into him when Flip's truck sped by and rammed into her, the high projectile old lady slammed into Rusty, making them both tumble down the street and into a garbage truck which then proceeded to crush both of them as it turned a corner and fell off a randomly placed cliff and fell into a massive gorge filled with cactus which then proceeded to get hit by a large asteroid and then explode in a fiery explosion before being struck by lightning.
"...We're….okay." Poor old Mrs. Cramdilly weakly called out in intense pain as the microphone cable broke and allowed the microphone to slowly roll over the cliff and down to them, resulting in a mushroom cloud explosion covering the sky.
"…Less… okay." Poor old Mrs. Cramdilly called out weakly as the camera zoomed back to the mall as everyone had shocked, surprised and horrified looks on their faces.
"...zat…was…INCREDIBLE!" The director shouted as he shook Leni's hand. "You got ze job!" He declared at the top of his lungs for everyone to hear, making the crowd gasp and cheer loudly for Leni who gave a confused look.
"But…what about poor old Mrs. Cramdilly?"
"Ehhhhh she'll be fine." The director waved off, not even caring to fake sympathy for her as he snapped his fingers. "Get this girl to her trailer, I am going to make her a star!" Bumm B. Shoun exclaimed as his midget assistants (really the Ruffians wearing wigs) all carried her off on their heads away from the stage.
*1 hour later with Lincoln*
Lincoln gave an annoyed sigh as he was covered in trash after Chandler and his goons threw him in a dumpster after lunch ended.
"You okay, Lincoln?" He heard Liam ask him as he saw him, Zach, Clyde and Stella all walk up to him concerned for him.
"Do I LOOK ok?" He snapped as he rubbed the back of his head. "Ugh seriously, all of this just because no one wants to believe I tried to stop some weirdo from taking over the town!" He sighed as Clyde, Stella, Zach and Liam all gave uneasy looks.
”You guys don't believe me either, do you?" He asked as they looked away.
"Well…..you gotta admit, Lincoln, it DOES sound kinda…… crazy." Clyde told him nervously as Lincoln rolled his eyes just as Lynn ran out of the school and locked eyes with him.
”LINCOLN! MOM CALLEDMe ! SHE SAID THERE’S A FIRE AT THE MALL!" Lynn shouted.
"What?! Wait, why is she calling about a fire at the mall?" He asked as Lynn gave a terrified look.
"...Lori, Leni, Luna and Luan all skipped school and went there!" She said as she noticed Lincoln clenching his fist with wide eyes as he took off running for the mall.
"Lincoln, wait!" Clyde shouted as they ran after him.
'PESTER! HE’S BEHIND THIS I KNOW IT!' Lincoln thought angrily.
*30 minutes prior*
We return back to the mall where Leni was now sitting in an actor trailer. "Wow! This is totally exciting, I never thought I'd be chosen to be in a tv show!" Leni smiled as she heard a knock at her door and saw it was the boy from earlier that she bumped into.
”Hey, what're you doing here?" She asked.
”Just coming to see my new co-star." he chuckled nervously as he held out his hand.
"I'm uhhhh…I'm Danny, Danny Fenton!" He smiled as she took it and shook.
"I'm Leni Loud." Leni smiled, missing the faint blush appearing on Danny's cheeks. "So did you watch Phantom Knight when you were a kid too?" She asked, snapping him out of his stupor.
"Huh? Yeah! I did. Seriously, I'm surprised I was picked to be the new star of the reboot!" Danny smiled. "Though, it's not going quite like I thought it would. We haven't even started recording episodes and I'm already getting fan mail AND hate mail…mostly hate mail, though." he said meekly.
"Why would people send you hate mail?"Leni asked as Danny gave a sigh and rubbed the back of his head.
"Apparently they're upset that this reboot is gonna take another highly popular show's time slot on the channel and that it might replace it for good." He spoke crossing his arms.
"…That…that's stupid." Leni spoke as Danny shrugged.
”Yeah, I know, but hey, it is what it is." He chuckled… until he felt a chill go down his spine and a faint blue puff wafted from his mouth. 'Uh oh.' Danny thought.
"Uhhhh Leni? My phone is vibrating. I gotta go!" He said quickly as Leni waved him off.
"Okay bye Danny, see you at rehearsal!" Leni smiled as she saw him running away and felt her stomach grumble.
"I wonder if this place has a mini fridge." She said to herself as she looked out the window and saw Vlad looking at a nearby wall and pressing a brick in causing a door to appear.
'What the heck?' She thought with a look of surprise as she left her trailer and went over to where he disappeared and felt the wall trying to find the brick.
"Which one was it?" She muttered before pushing one in and opening the door and making her way inside an abandoned storage room in the mall.
"Whoa!" Leni whispered as she went down the darkened hallway and could hear Vlad speaking.
"Excellent, the plan is underway. Come tomorrow the world will know my name once more!" She heard him say as she saw him typing away on a laptop.
"Things should go smoothly if that stupid 'director' does his part." He grumbled while balling his hands into fists before taking a deep breath as Leni tried to back away only to knock something over as Vlad immediately looked in the direction the noise came from and snapped his fingers all while Leni found herself being bound by a massive see through octopus who pulled her over to Vlad.
"Well, it looks like my little bird has flown too close to the sun!" He smirked as Leni gave a terrified look and was struggling to escape as Vlad looked at the monster.
"Take her to the balcony and keep her out of the way!" He ordered as it gripped her tightly and shot towards the ceiling just as Vlad's phone rang. "Our new star saw too much and is being dealt with." He said, answering the call.
"Very well, I have also released the specimen. This mall will very soon be rendered an unhabitable wasteland after experiencing his unholy might! MWAHAHAHAHA"
"Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap." Danny whispered to himself as he looked for a secluded spot as he could hear people screaming in fear as he closed his eyes and a white ring flickered into existence around his waist before slowly engulfing him, his eyes turning a deathly green, his skin gaining a much more pale complexion and his black hair turning a phantasmal white all while wearing a helmetless black hazmat suit with white lining, gloves and boots.
"Time to get…Uhhhhhh…Ummmmmm…forget it, work on the catchphrase later!" He grumbled as he turned invisible and flew off through the mall, following the trail of screams that got louder through each floor of the mall until he saw a horde of flying crates.
"…O…K I was expecting something…actually scary.” Danny said as the crates were slammed into the ground and a large hulking figure appeared before him from the large shadows, with a pair of menacing red eyes glaring at him as the figure stepped out…
"BEWAAAAARE!"
…only to reveal a fat bum in a beanie and overalls that was floating with a shoebox under his arm.
"...What?" Danny said flatly.
"I AM THE ALMIGHTY BOX GHOST! FEAR ME AND MY SHOEBOXES OF UNFATHOMABLE TERROR!" He shouted as he tossed a few empty shoeboxes at Danny, who very easily dodged each and every one of them.
"What…What the fuck is this?" Danny said flatly and with an overall dumbfounded look.
"IMPOSSIBLE! YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO AVOID MY SHOEBOXES OF UNFATHOMABLE TERROR!" He shouted overdramatically as Danny rolled his eyes and punched him in his face, instantly sending him flying out of the mall.
"That…was a complete disappointment." Danny sighed as ‘Box Ghost’ growled and flew off, forcing Danny to follow him.
"C'mon, Tubby, give it up before you hurt yourself!" Danny called out as the spectral attacker came to a complete stop in a clothing store.
"Tu-Tubby?" He said with tears in his eyes
"Oh great…." Danny sighed as the Box Ghost turned to him with pure anger with his teeth bared
"NOBODY CALLS ME TUBBY!" He screamed as he zapped a nearby electrical box and threw it at Danny, electrocuting the young boy who didn't dodge in time and subsequently fell to the floor.
"HAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT!" Box Ghost shouted as a few sparks popped out of the wall and landed on a nearby clothes rack, setting it ablaze.
"WHOA!...Hold on there!" Danny said as he held his hands up. "Question, have you heard of…..uhhhhh the 'Face Punch' syndrome?"
"THE WHAT?"
"Why are you still yelling?!"
"THIS IS JUST HOW I TALK!”
"…Anyway…it's where you beat yourself up by…thinking about it?" Danny said, unsure if his opponent would be stupid enough to believe the utter bullshit he was spewing.
"REALLY!? IS THAT ACTUALLY A THING!?" He exclaimed as the Box Ghost found himself being punched in the face…by his own fist. 'Oh my God, he is.' Danny thought as the Box Ghost recoiled from his own fist punching him in the stomach, followed by his other fist uppercutting his jaw and chopping himself in the throat as he spun himself around and slammed himself against the burning walls before diving headfirst into the floor, crashing into the store below where he somehow grabbed his own foot and swung his body back and forth across the floor over and over.
Box Ghost slowly stood up as he felt his arms giving himself an atomic wedgie that tore his overalls and revealed his undies.
"NO PLEASE…HAVE MERCY!" He begged as his lef literally detached from his body and kicked his own ass, sending him crashing through the entire building and through the air all the way to Lake Michigan…where he immediately exploded in a mushroom cloud.
"...Well! That was easy, and that's one problem solved!" Danny said, pocketing his recording phone as he then noticed the fire was spreading to the rest of the mall. "Oh yeah…forgot about that…" He said as he heard a screech from the roof.
”I'll let the fire department deal with this when they get here." He said as he noticed the roof was falling apart as he heard a loud scream.
"That sounded like Leni!" He exclaimed before zipping upwards.
"Let me out of here!" Leni exclaimed as she was now tied up in an old metal school chair as she looked around the dark room and only saw a large TV monitor in front of her that flickered to life and revealed Vlad Masters with a sinister grin. "I'm so sorry this had to happen so early, my dear."
"...Mr. Masters?...what's going on?" Leni asked, terrified for her life.
"Well. my dear, you see, after that scandal back in '98 my life hasn't been exactly….the same, if you will. I lost my endorsements, my money and my home, my friends…my family. Even after that bitch admitted she lied, none of them still wanted anything to do with me…not even my children." He admitted with a sigh. "But you see, I figured the best way to regain both my fame and what was left of my vast wealth, I decided to reboot my old show. However…every time I did so…THEY would upstage me!" He growled as Danny phased into the room while invisible and stood near the back wall.
"...Wait, they?" Leni said, raising an eyebrow. "Those understudies! All those brats wanted what was rightfully mine!" Vlad growled, balling his fists and slamming them onto a table on his end of the screen meanwhile Pester and the ruffians were the ones who were filming everything.
"Vlad! Wrap it up! The mall is on fire and we need to leave!" Pester whisper-shouted as Vlad ignored him. "All of those false replacements wanted to take the fame and respect I deserved after all the shit that damn bitch put me through!" Vlad yelled before he calmed down.
"...So I did the only reasonable thing anyone could think of…I made sure they…faced the proper consequences." He spoke with a wicked smile as Leni paled in fear.
"You….you killed them?" She gulped.
"Oh my dear, 'killed' is such a strong word. I prefer the term….'murdered'."
"That means the same thing!" Pester growled at him before starting to cough from the smoke as the Ruffian’s began to panic and opened the nearby window. "Ugh! This plan was a bust when that lousy ghost set the place on fire!" Pester said as the ruffians all jumped out the window and pulled his dark pinkish purple cadillac out of the bushes. "Jump in, boss!" One shouted as Pester climbed onto the windowsill and jumped out the window….only to land face first onto the concrete.
"...uuuggghhh…." He groaned as he pulled himself off the ground and climbed into the car as it quickly sped off. "Wait, you can talk?!"
'I've got to get her out of here!' Danny thought as he could feel the heat and smoke rising from under the door.
*10 mins earlier with Lori*
Lori was in the food court texting on her phone when she could smell the faint smell of smoke. "Luna, do you smell that?" She asked as Luna stopped angrily eating her fries and sniffed the air.
"Yeah….it kinda smells like smoke.." She said as Luan sat down next to her and smelled it as well.
"Ok, which one of you farted?" She said, making Lori growl until she saw a cloud of smoke in the air.
"Uhhh girls?...I THINK THERE'S A FIRE!" Lori yelled with wide eyes as the other two looked in the same direction as her just as fire alarms went off, shortly followed by the sprinkler system.
Soon everyone began to panic and tried to make their way outside, with many trampling others in their race to get out.
"Leni? Where's Leni!?" Lori exclaimed looking around as a small explosion was heard from the back as the fire began to spread even more.
"LENI!" Lori yelled as Luna grabbed her arm.
”Lori, we gotta go! Leni's probably outside!"
"Leni gets lost on her way to the bathroom, do you HONESTLY think she managed to get out?"
"…Yeah, I got nothing to say to that." Luna said as she and her sisters were being pushed out by the crowd.
*Now*
'There has to be a way to do this. But first I gotta deal with that spectral sushi.' Danny thought as he aimed for the fire hydrant on the wall and zapped it, causing it to ricochet off the wall and hit the ghostly octopus as Danny grabbed it and pummeled it into the ground knocking it out as it sank down through the building.
'Well, that took care of that now to save Leni!' Danny thought as he listened to Vlad's monologue go on for a few minutes longer.
Leni was struggling in her chair as Vlad gave a chuckle. "Struggle all you want, but when the fire engulfs the entire mall, you will be nothing but a memory!" He smirked as Danny hid behind a corner and saw a button labeled 'intercom'. Reversing his transformation, Danny slowly made his way to the button and pressed it, turning the intercom on for everyone outside to hear (unaware that the fire damaged the wires) before he went back to his hiding spot and kicked down a nearby crate with all of his strength.
"LENI! YOU IN HERE?!" He shouted.
”Danny!" She cried out in response as Vlad's face in the TV turned to face the box.
"WHAT!? HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE!?" He growled as Danny gave a smirk and shrugged.
"Fuck you, that's how." He said smugly as part of the ceiling fell down next to him as the flames got more erratic as Danny ran over and untied Leni.
"Don't worry, Leni! I'll get you out of here!" He said Leni gasped.
”DANNY, WATCH OUT!" She screamed as she tackled him to the ground as Vlad tried to swing at them with a fire axe.
"THIS BURNING BUILDING WILL BE YOUR TOMB!“ Vlad screamed, his face covered in black splotches and his eyes bloodshot from the volume of ash and smoke in the air. Danny managed to push himself up and dragged Leni to the nearest door.
"HURRY LENI, RUN BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE!" He screamed while slamming the door behind him.
Danny just barely was able to dodge the ax that was thrown at his head.
"YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Vlad roared as Danny took off running the other direction as Vlad followed all while Leni was trying to make her way out the mall but the heavy smoke and fire was blocking her path and making it near impossible to see.
"I gotta get out of here!" Leni cried as she tried to make her way to the exit only for a pile of debris to land itself on top of her, making her scream in pain and agony which was heard by anyone else still inside, including Danny from the upper levels.
"Leni?" He said in a worried tone as he ducked under another axe swing by Vlad as Danny ran towards the large tube the ‘director’ had left behind, the green liquid inside violently boiling over and burning through the floor around it.
"Why won't you just DIE ALREADY!" Vlad yelled as he swung the axe right into Danny and was shocked when he turned invisible and the ax slammed into the tube.
"What!?" He gasped as the liquid inside the tube exploded and splattered all over Vlad and coated the floor around him. Vlad screamed in agony as the liquid ate away at his skin and clothes while the floor began dissolving into goo as Danny took off into the air just as more debris fell on top of Vlad and buried him alive as the tube fell through the floor.
"...LENI!" Danny shouted as he quickly flew down and blasted away the debris and picked up Leni and carried her outside.
The crowd of people had managed to get outside safely, aside from those who had tragically been trampled in the panic or those still trapped inside. "I don't see Leni anywhere!" Lori exclaimed as Luna held her hand.
"It'll be okay, sis! Leni's…..she…she she just has to be fine!" She reassured as Leni gasped and pointed to the side of the building.
"Guys look!" She said as several people saw Danny (now in his human form) running out of the mall with Leni on his back, looking heavily injured and covered in gashes and soot.
"CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
"Holy…holy crap!" Lincoln panted with a look of horror as he stared at the half collapsed mall.
The firemen had managed to put out the fire and many ambulances were able to take those who were injured from the fire while others took those who hadn't been fortunate enough to keep their lives that's when he noticed Lori, Luan and Luna as they gave Leni to the paramedics and they loaded her into an ambulance.
Before he could say anything he saw Vanzilla pull up and Rita immediately jumped out and ran over to Lori and the others. "Where are they taking Leni?! What happened?!"
"Mom! We don't know…..we…we just don't know…." Luna said as she noticed Lincoln running over.
"Guys!" He shouted as he immediately hugged Luan, who didn't say anything and just instinctively hugged back tightly.
"...Loreli Marie Loud! You still didn't answer my question about what happened to your sister!?" Rita asked again in a panic as they heard Danny clear his throat.
"Ummm I-I think I can explain that ma'am…it was Vlad Masters, he snapped and tried to kill everyone in the mall so he can 'save people' all so you can get his fame back." He explained as Lori gave a smile.
"Mom, this is Danny, he….he carried her out…he saved her…I hope." Luna said…not sure of the extent of the damage that had been done to her older sister.
Before Rita could thank him, the media news team had arrived to cover the accident.
"This is Katherine Mulligan, reporting live from the Royal Woods Mall with the latest scoop!" She said before shoving her microphone in Lincoln's face.
"So tell the viewers at home, crazy boy Lincoln Loud, how do you plead to your now recent arsonist charges because the viewing public are already blaming you?" She said as Lincoln's eyes twitched.
"Oh come on! I LITERALLY JUST GOT HERE!" He screamed angrily, making her step back from his high tone of rage as she looked back at the camera. "Well folks, we can also add emotional unstable to that list of charges as well, anything you'd like to say?" She said as Lincoln, without any hesitation, snatched the mic from her hands and squeezed the mic tightly, making her cameraman throw his headphones off, as well as the people recording in the van from the intense screech of audio feedback until the ball looked more like a crumpled ball of tinfoil.
Lincoln then casually threw the now destroyed Mic at her feet and dusted off his hands. "Uhhhhh…back to you…Hilly." Katherine said as she and her crew sulked off back to their news van at a very fast fear fueled pace.
*1 hour later*
The Louds and Danny were at the hospital waiting room wanting to know more about Leni's condition. "So, you saved my sister…you think she'll be ok?" Lincoln asked Danny.
"…When I found her, most of her body was crushed by the ceiling…I don't know." Danny sighed as two doctors walked out of the ER.
"Doctor Princess! Doctor Palmer! Will Leni be alright?" Luan asked them as they both looked at each other and gave the family grim looks.
”Your daughter has a few ruptured organs, several broken bones throughout her entire body…and…"
"What? What happened to my baby?" Rita asked fearfully.
"…I'd recommend making your house wheelchair accessible for if and when she returns home." Doctor Palmer said as Lynn Sr. fainted and fell into Lori's arms and Rita began to cry.
"...However, there is ‘some’ good news…if the surgeons are able to help repair any damage, with a few months of therapy Leni might be able to walk again, but….I'm afraid at the moment it's impossible to tell, we're still not through with going over the extent of damage done to her body." Doctor Princess explained as a nurse called them back inside the ER as Danny sighed.
"...I should've been faster." He grumbled as Lori placed a hand on his shoulder.
"No it's not, you did your best and you still saved my sister's life!" She smiled.
"That's right, son…we're eternally grateful for what you did." Rita said, wiping her tears as Lisa held some smelling salts under her fathers nose, waking him back up.
"...Ugh, my head, I had the strangest nightmare…my sweet little Leni-bean was in the hospital and we were told she was gonna be crippled for life." He said.
"Not a nightmare dad, that just happened," Luan told him, making him go wide eyed and start hyperventilating as he fainted once again this time into Lynn Jr.’s arms.
"...It's going to be a long night." Rita sighed before she looked at her three older childrenZ ”But as for you three! I can't believe you would skip school and then THIS happened!...you're grounded, all three of you, for 2 months!"
"What?!"
"Oh come on!"
"Isn't going through this punishment enough?"
"...no…because if you didn't skip school…then Leni might not be fighting for her life right now!" Rita exclaimed as she started to cry again as she stormed off outside to Vanzilla as Lori looked down in disappointment and regret.
"...Guys…she's right, we shouldn't have skipped school just because we were afraid of people mocking us." Lori spoke as Luna crossed her arms.
"Well, we wouldn't have had to if SOMEONE didn't make u-" She began to say only to be cut off by a loud gravel like cracking noise as they all saw it came from their brother, more specifically, his clenched hand.
"Luna, I swear to GOD! If you try to blame me for what happened to Leni!" Lincoln snapped, still angry from the reporters as he squeezed the armrest of the chair he was sitting in.
"...whatever." Luna grumbled as he stormed outside as Lori gave a sigh and looked at Danny.
”Sorry you had to see that, we've been…going through it lately. If you want, when my dad wakes up, we can give you a ride home." She offered as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.
"Uhhh sure, I'd like that." Danny chuckled nervously.
Lori briefly smiled before her face turned back into a frown.
Pester and the Ruffians were back in their lair as the good doctor was holding an ice pack to his head.
"Oh, that moron, Vlad! Seriously, everyone knows that the first rule of Villainy 101 is to never monologue, it's how your plans get ruined! Seriously you'd never catch me doing that!" He grumbled. "I mean, look at him. He started monologuing and BAM! The moron is six feet under and burned to a crisp!" He ranted to the Ruffians
"Uhhhh, boss, would a nice cup of tea and a hoagie make you feel better?" One asked as he held up a tray of the stuff he mentioned as Pester sighed and rubbed his temples.
"Ya know what? Sure I could eat, and besides, I already have my next evil plan in the making…but first, nourishment! Wait, you talk too?"
"Well yeah, we all talk, you just keep forgetting we can!"
"Oh…..yes I suppose I do." Pester said as he reached into his desk and pulled out his phone and dialed a new number.
"Yes, hello, operator?...get me Bibster Stiffmanson! And tell him…it's time!" Pester smirked as he pulled out a folder labeled: Project: T.U.F.F.
The smoldering half destroyed mall was still somewhat smoking, but the fire was all but put out camera zoomed it close to show the base of the massive tube Pester had brought was now dented and burnt while firefighters were still rummaging through the debris, looking for any more bodies.
"Such a waste of life." One firefighter muttered morbidly as he rummaged his hands through the charred rubble and ashes close to the destroyed tube.
"What's that?" He muttered as he saw a small flash of light.
"Hmmm… what's this?" He muttered as he reached down and was about to grab it, only for a skeletal hand, barely held together my sinew, to shoot up and grip his throat tightly. The firefighter gasped for air as a charred skeleton rose up from below and dug the pointed ends of its bony hand into his throat, coating it in blood as the mans struggling grew worse.
"What the Hell?!" Another other firefighter said as he pointed at the skeleton currently holding his co-worker. The sinew covered skull turned to him and suddenly its empty sockets lit up with two crimson dots.
The firefighter in his grip soon stopped struggling as his body started to shrivel up and crumble to dust, leaving only his clothes and belongings. "What the hell? What the fuck?!" The second fireman picked up a fire axe and swung at the skeleton.
Only for the blade to shatter against the skull as the skeleton grabbed him by the neck and lifted him off his feet. The firefighter screamed in fear and pain as he felt his entire body being slowly and painfully drained all while the skeleton holding him appeared to be regenerating more sinew and muscle tissue.
The skeleton released the firefighters dust filled clothes and just stared at his hands as his scarred skin soon slowly. began to reform.
"...so….this is the true power….of Pester's…ectoranium?" He muttered in a dry, gravel-like voice as he felt his face, noticing that it hadn't regenerated completely.
"...That…boy." He growled as he thought back to his fight with Danny and the shock at seeing him turn invisible.
"He… did this to me…he made me…into a FREAK!" He growled as he felt his skin qslowly reforming across his body.
"They…want a reboot?...hehe….well who am I to deny what the fans want?!" He growled as the clouds in the sky moved allowing the moon to shine down onto him revealing his partially regenerated body. His muscles glowed an eerie emerald color while his skin regrew as white as the moon itself, and his hair partially formed back, as dark as the shadows beneath him.
The half regenerated corpse began to float upwards and let out a deep menacing laugh as numerous other skeletal hands shot out from the rubble and began to glow the same eerie green color.
Notes:
Vlad masters is now Vlad Plasmius! will Leni be okay? and what exactly is Project T.U.F.F? that Pester is planning to unleash with Bibster stiffmanson? find out next time!
Chapter 3: Cut of your Dib
Summary:
When Loud meets Membrane, things get weird and wild!
Notes:
Yo guys Geo here and Welcome back to Loud House '23! so I know a few of you didn't take to episode 2. Granted, I do like how some of you did enjoy it but for those of you who didn't just know episode 3 is going to be better also I’ve been watching a lot of Hazbin Hotel and it's making my gears turn for One Helluva Loud House! but anyways a few of you have been asking me,why isn't Professor Pester alot more dangerous if he's meant to be the main Villain and it's because he's meant to Homage AOSTH Robotnik in terms of how goofy he is (given Pester's own origins from the series he comes from this shouldn't be a shock) but rest assured as Season 1 continues Pester will slowly start to shift from AOSTH Robotnik to Archie Eggman levels of dangerous in fact you'll get a small glimsp of that here in this chapter so without any more delay here is Episode 3: Cut of Your Dib
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“I can’t believe what happened at the mall.” Lori sighed as she just laid on her bed and was worried about Leni, turning to face her now empty bed on the other side of the room as it had been 3 days since that horrible incident.
Lincoln and Lynn were inside Lincoln’s room discussing their next move.
“Okay so…we don’t know why Pester burned the mall down, but it almost cost Leni her life!” Lincoln said, tightly clenching his fist as Lynn shuddered and unconsciously squeezed her own leg.
“I know you’re angry, Linc, but before we can even do something about that loser we need a gameplan.” Lynn told him, regaining a bit of her composure as she put a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it.
“…Yeah… I know but… I just wish it didn’t have to go THIS far…” He spoke solemnly.
“Hey, don’t worry. Leni’s gonna be alright. She’ll be out of the hospital in a few weeks, so right now we need to focus on him while she rests.” She told him reassuringly
*Knock knock*
“Lincoln?....Lynn? Dad said dinner’s ready.” Luna said in a somewhat bitter tone, still upset that she was grounded.
“Whatever, we'll be down soon.” Lynn said, not giving Lincoln a chance to answer as she held a finger up to his mouth as Luna walked off making Lincoln roll his eyes.
“Seriously? She still blames me for what happened?” He grumbled.
“Don’t be too miffed with her. Some people just can’t handle rejection.”
“What do you mean?” He asked as Lynn gave a chuckle.
“……Oh, you don’t know?” Lynn asked, prompting Lincoln to give her a confused look. “You know how Luna has that huge crush on that blonde chick at her school?”
“Sam? Yeah, I think I’ve had gym with her brother.”
“Lori told me that when they were at the mall, Luna went to confess to her…while she was on the phone with her boyfriend.” Lynn told him, making him wince.
“Ooooooh. Yeah, that’s gotta hurt…… Are you sure it was actually a boyfriend? ‘Cause you girls tend to always jump to conclusions.” He asked
“Luna said she straight up called him her boyfriend.” Lynn responded as she and Lincoln left the room. “Just try and….not let them bother you, bro. And if they do, just let me know.” She added on, rolling up her sleeve and waving her fist.
”Hehe…Thanks Lynn.” He said as they made their way downstairs.
Dinner was…awkward…for lack of a better word, what with the missing family member and the…tension in the air.
Lincoln was picking at his food using his fork as Lori side-eyed him and Luna just glared at him in anger and annoyance, Luan was feeding Lily, the twins were quiet and tried to eat their food but found it hard to do so and Lucy was just staring at her plate, uninterested in the meal before her.
“………………”
“…………So-“
“Dad, it’s better we just stay quiet right now or else someone will say something they can’t take back.” Lori said, bitterly stabbing her food with her fork and bringing it to her mouth.
“Take back, huh? Yeah, like all the time we’re going to miss, all because of Snowball over there.” Luna grumbled, as Lincoln took Lynn’s advice and ignored her, choosing to focus on his food rather than her attempts to get a rise out of him.
“Luna, drop it!” Lori hissed as Luna rolled her eyes. “What? It’s true! Because of him, you’re not gonna get to see your precious ‘BooBoo Bear’ for a good month!”
“I can see him at school!” Lori retorted back.
“Yeah, for the 45 minutes of the one class you both share.” Luna shot back sarcastically.
Lincoln stopped eating and began to tighten the grip on his fork. “Seriously, Lori, I don't get how you’re not pissed off at that little snot!” She exclaimed angrily as Lynn reached under the table and held her brother's arm.
‘Come on, bro. Tough it out.’ Lynn thought.
“Lunella Janet Loud! Your sister said to drop it!” Rita said as Luna crossed her arms.
“No way! That little bastard and his crazy ramblings have made all our lives miserable! If it wasn’t for him going crazy and attacking that guy, we wouldn't have skipped school and Leni wouldn’t even be in the hospital!!” Luna exclaimed. Lincoln grinded his teeth as Lucy then spoke up while Luan was berating Luna.
“....Honestly?....I don't blame Lincoln for what happened to Leni…but his delusions have made our lives worse. The twins and I are being bullied in school and Lori and the others have taken to just ditching school altogether. Plus, Mother, you can’t tell Luna to drop it when I’m sure the other adults in the neighborhood have given you and father flack for what Lincoln did.” She said as Rita tried to say something, but realized neither she nor her husband actually could.
‘Luce, what the fuck are you doing?!’ Lynn thought in disbelief from her roommates AWFUL timing to voice out her thoughts as she noticed the veins in Lincoln’s forehead were starting to bulge out, a sight that, for once, made Lynn TERRIFIED of her brother.
’That summer he spent at pop-pop’s really helped him out.’ Lynn thought as Lucy kept speaking, prompting her to increase her grip on his arm to keep him down.
“Seriously, Lincoln….I’ve been thrown in the trash more times than I can count, shoved in lockers, locked outside of the school and beaten up mercilessly, and for what, because My only brother is losing his mind?....It’s like you don't even care about us anymore.”
Suddenly the house shook alongside a rather loud sound as everyone turned to see Lincoln had punched a hole clean through the wall and shattered one of the wooden beams inside.
Everyone was silent as Lincoln stood up. “....I’m going to bed.” He grumbled as Luna rolled her eyes, unimpressed by what he did.
“Oh boo-hoo, so the runt threw a temper tantrum!” She said as Lincoln growled and was about to stomp over to her until Lynn grabbed his wrist as tightly as she could.
“Nonononononono!! Go calm down bro, it’ll be fine.” She said until Luna opened her mouth again…much to everyone's horror.
“If you ask me, the only fine thing would’ve been Mom swallowing the little bastard!” She grumbled as the family all gasped and looked horrified by her words. Even Lily had her mouth open, flabbergasted by the insult.
“LUNA!!!” Rita exclaimed, beyond pissed off she even dared to say that.
Lincoln gave Lynn an angry and enraged Look as Lynn looked down at his wrist and shrugged. “You know what, go loose, bro.” She spoke, moving her hands up and backing away as he stepped on his chair and lunged over the table at Luna, tackling her with his fists first striking her face, the resulting assault causing the table to flip over and getting food everywhere as Luan picked up Lily and handed her off to Lisa.
“Take Lily upstairs.” She told her as Luan pulled out her phone to film the fight before her.
“I’d shout ‘WorldStar’ but our reading audience wouldn't get the reference, so Imma just put this on TikTok!” Luan chuckled as she recorded the bloody, one-sided fight, not feeling so much as a speck of sympathy for her sister.
*45 mins of one cathartic, bloody ass beating later*
Lincoln was walking upstairs, both of his hand covered in blood and his face only sporting a black-eye, bloody nose, scratched face and a heavily chipped front tooth (and yes, for those of you wondering, Lincoln never had his iconic chipped tooth until now), as he just breathed heavily and went to the bathroom to grab bandages for his hands as The camera went back downstairs to Luna who was being patched up by Lori and their Mother.
“I’d say he should be grounded for life for that, but you literally deserved that.” Lori said, applying a bandage wrap around Luna’s left eye and ‘accidentally’ making it just a little too tight all while Rita was tying Luna’s right arm in a makeshift sling.
“Honestly, we’re not sure if we should ground HER even longer for that comment after what just happened.” Lynn Sr. said, coming in with another bag of medical supplies before stepping up to Luna and resetting her nose.
“Little bastard just got lucky, that’s all!” Luna grumbled, spitting out a few teeth before rubbing her somewhat broken jaw.
“Luna, you just spent almost an hour on the kitchen floor with your 12 year old brother beating your face in, and not once were you able to get up. He only stopped after he realized you were unconscious for those last 5 minutes! YOU’RE the one who got lucky!” Her father told her, dumbfounded by her stubbornness and refusal to admit fault.
“Okay now look I understand this whole situation with Leni and Lincoln’s…..odd mental state has gotten us all on edge. So for now Lori, I want you to help your father and I clean up, and Luan, you get your sisters to bed.” Rita spoke.
“Alright, mom.”
“Fine. But Luna’s not sleeping in our room until she gets her act together.” Luan said nonchalantly.
”What?! Where am I supposed to sleep?!”
“Sleep on the couch, make room in the attic or basement, move in that tree house out. back for all I care but you’re not coming back in the room until you apologize to Lincoln for that disgusting thing you said.” Luan spoke, crossing her arms. “And people say I’m the crazy sister.”
“...I’ll apologize when turtles start talking! Or when pigs fly!” She grumbled as Lori ‘accidentally’ re-broke her nose while reaching up for another roll of bandages.
Lincoln was still in the bathroom wrapping up his cut up hands when Lucy poked her head inside. “...Lincoln…are you done?” She asked, but Lincoln simply ignored her and didn’t say a single word as he took the bandages with him and walked out, making her stumble as he walked past her with his shoulder hitting her.
“...Lincoln, wait…..don’t you think you’re….you know…overreacting to this whole ‘mad scientist’ thing?” Lucy asked as she walked up to his room but found the door being slammed in her face, just barely not hitting her nose.
“...Sigh…my brother’s insane.” She sighed as she went to her room, only to see Lynn blocking the door.
“Where do you think you’re going, spooky?” She asked, crossing her arms and keeping her voice low. “You really think I’m gonna let you in here after the shit you pulled down there?”
“......Lynn, be honest with me…you don't really believe in what Lincoln said, do you?” She asked as Lynn rolled her eyes.
“I’d be a terrible sister if I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, after all. Or even so much as a chance to prove himself.” Lynn spoke.
“..But it’s just so weird, remember when we had those new neighbors and Lincoln went to spy on them? He kept invading their privacy and that freaked them out. He does this with every new neighbor we get, Lynn!”
“And we don’t do stuff that’s just as bad? Or do you not remember Sadie Hawkins? Or that YouTube video crap? Or when we were all simping over Lincoln’s tutor? Or god forbid that retarded ‘Protocol’ Lisa thought up that excluded Lincoln and ONLY Lincoln?” Lynn said, listing off more and more incidents that made Lucy want to disappear from the constant negativity her sister was forcing upon her.
“Lynn….I-“ She tried to say only for Lynn to hold up her hand.
“Let’s not forget…the time he….’covered’ for you?” She spoke as Lucy froze.
“....how….how did yo-“
“Lucy, I'm your sister AND your roomate. You think I wouldn’t notice that poster you have ‘hidden’ behind another poster?” She said, making Lucy go red with embarrassment.
“Look, the point is, I’m not mad at your blatant refusal to give the one guy who’s always had your back even a chance to prove he isn’t crazy. I’m pissed you had the balls to question if he even CARED ABOUT YOU!!… What you AND Luna said really hurt him, Luce… even more-so than the ‘Incident’. And you know me, I had to jump through Hell and high-water for months just to get him to look at me again, let alone speak!” She ranted, not realizing she had started to cry some time ago and was shaking a little as she turned around and walked back in the room.
“...Look Lucy, I’ve read your diary and if you really care about my brother THAT much, then you should know to have his back more often.” She said with a sniff as she went to move, only for Lucy to grab her wrist and hug her from behind, making the tomboy sniffle and hold the hands wrapping around her.
“....Don’t tell him…” She asked, sounding weaker than intended as Lynn turned her body around and hugged back, crying into her sister's hair.
“I won’t….I promise.” She told her softly.
“I really messed up, didn’t I?”
“…Yeah…you kinda did.” Lynn chuckled.
“Do you think it’s gonna be bad?”
“Considering how he was with me after the ‘Incident’, it might be just as bad.” Lynn admitted with a somber tone as both sisters unknowingly were now on their knees hugging. “But, hey. Look on the bright side.”
“I’ve possibly ruined my relationship with my brother forever by saying he doesn’t care about us, how could there even BE a bright side?”
“You’ll have an easier time earning his trust back than Luna.”
“……It’s scary when you’re right.”
“Hey!” Lynn said with mock offense before giving Lucy a small noogie. “*Sigh* Come on, let’s go to bed.” She said, bringing Lucy inside their shared room. “Did you say you were being bullied earlier?”
*The Next day at school, Lincoln and Lynn went to my house for french toast! Ahaha! Just kidding, no they didn't!.....I’m very Lonely!*
“Ok, hopefully Thursday will be better than Monday.” Lincoln said to himself as he sat down in class hoping to get the day over with… until……
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH EVERYONE COME QUICK!!!!! THE ROACHES ARE COMING!!!!!!” A Loud voice yelled throughout the hallway as Lincoln’s, Miss Teets, rolled her eyes. “Ugh great…Mr. Membrane’s back.” She grumbled, already wishing she had called in sick as a boy wearing a black lab coat jacket, with a dark blue t-shirt and his jet black hair oddly enough fashioned with a scythe shaped cowlick kicked down the door. “EVERYONE OUT!! THE ROACHES ARE COMING!!!” He screamed like a mad-man. “Yeah yeah, now sit down and shut up.” Miss Teets told him with an eyeroll.
“But Miss Teets! The roaches the-they...” He stammered as she opened a bag of family sized Cool Ranch Doritos, the worst chip flavor alongside Sour Cream & Onion.
“Yeah yeah, take your seat, Dib.” She spoke, uncaring as Dib gave an annoyed sigh and sat down next to Lincoln.
“Sooooooooo… What was this about roaches?” Lincoln asked in an uneasy tone from the other boys…’intensity’. “Also…who are you?” He asked as Dub cleaned off his glasses.
“The name’s Dib Membrane; son of the legendary scientist Professor Rodger Membrane, nice to meet you!” He smiled, holding out his hand for Lincoln to shake. Said white haired boy thought about it, and ultimately decided to take it, coincidentally while thunder struck outside.
“...Uh oh……Someone pissed off my sister.” Dib said in a worried tone. “Either that or there is an alarming amount of metal close to the surface.” He spoke as Lincoln gave a confused look as the door was kicked open again, followed by another strike of lightning as both boys turned their heads to the doorway to see a pale girl with purple hair(that Lincoln noticed kind of looked like an open mouthed snake) wearing blue t-shirt with what looked like some 8-bit game sprite, a black skirt with leggings and VERY heavy looking combat boots as she had her face buried in a PS-Vita.
“You’re late, Gaz.” Miss Teets spoke as Gaz rolled her eyes.
”Yeah so? You don't care.”
“You’re absolutely right, now take your seat.” She ordered while stuffing her throat with more chips.
Gaz ignored her and sat in the desk behind Lincoln and next to Chandler.
Seeing a cute girl next to him made Chandler smirk as he decided to shoot his shot….oh the poor dipshit.
“So, what brings a girl like you i-“
“I’m not into guys with vaginas.” She said bluntly before deciding to move one seat ahead to get further away from him, putting her directly to Lincoln’s side and leaving Chandler completely flabbergasted, not even noticing the weird chuckling coming from seemingly nowhere.
“Uhhhhhhh….” Lincoln said as Gaz placed her feet on his desk. “Gaz, can you put your feet down? You’re bothering this guy.” Dib told her. “Does he look bothered?”
“Actually he looks more dumbfounded tha-“
“Then it’s not my problem. He got an issue, he can say so himself.” She spoke not even looking up from her game as Dib gave an annoyed sigh.
“Sorry about her, Lincoln…This is my sister, Gaz.” Dib spoke as Gaz shot up a peace sign. “Sup?”
“Is that short for something?”
“Yes, and the last person who learned what her full first name was still hasn’t woken up, so for your own health, please drop it.” Dib spoke in a slight panicked tone as the bell rang.
“That’s lunch! Everyone out and enjoy.” Miss Teets exclaimed.
“But that was for the start of first period.”
“Do I look like I care enough to want to care? Get lost and let me eat in peace.” She told him before grabbing a tuna sandwich from her desk and taking a huge bite out of it.
*Three Hours later*
Lincoln was sitting at the lunch table with his friends when Dib walked up with a tray and sat down next to them. “Why’s the weird kid coming over here?” Rusty complained.
”You came into school yesterday singing a song, how is he weirder than you?” Stella said, not understanding why he had just insulted him.
“Yeah dude, and besides……..Dib’s my….cousin so go easy on him.” Zach spoke uneasily.
“You’re related? But you look nothing alike.” Stella spoke.
“He’s a fourth cousin.” Zach explained as they noticed Gaz walking in… with a large potato sack…where she got it, even we don’t know.
Seeing her made Chandler angry for her rejecting him and so he did the most reasonable and smart thing a boy his age could do…he decided to force her to date him… yeah, this kid has no sense of self preservation whatsoever.
“Hey!! Emo chick!!” Chandler yelled as Gaz ignored him and made her way to a nearby vending machine.
“Nobody says ‘no’ to Chandler Mccann! Seriously, I’m the most popular kid in town!”
“A’hem!”
He turned his head to see Kevin and Vana glaring at him.
“Ok THIRD most popular kid in town! And those that say no to me tend to…disappear if you catch my drift so if you know what's good for you and your stupid brother! Then you’ll date me!” He demanded as while he was ranting Gaz was putting in coins in the vending machine and getting a bunch of soda cans out and placing them in the potato sack until it could just barely be closed before she stopped and walked over to him. “That’s what I-“
*THWACK!*
Gaz then suddenly smacked him with the sack of cans like it was a foam bat, making him lose quite a few teeth as she then smacked all of his friends with the sack and even smacked Kevin with it, giving him a black eye and used the sack to bust Vana in her jaw before she dropped it on Chandler’s head. Stopping her assault, she picked his head up by the hair and, rather loudly, spat a huge snot-filled loogie into his open mouth before dropping him back on the table and leaving to sit in between Lincoln and her brother with the sack of cans behind her.
“…”
“…”
“…”
“So, anyone want a soda?” She asked, pulling one out as if she didn’t just make the popular kids her bitches.
“So… are we just gonna ignore that?” Clyde asked.
“Ignore what?” Zach said quickly.
“I didn’t see anything.” Lincoln spoke up.
“All I saw was Chandler beating himself up.” Liam responded immediately.
Lincoln and Dib were sitting on a bench as Dib was explaining the issue from this morning.
“… So let me get this straight, you accidentally created a hoard of giant genetically modified roaches, and you accidentally set them loose into the reservoir because you thought the water would drown them?” Lincoln asked, trying to wrap his head around everything he just said.
“Yeah……”
“…… You’ve clearly never seen or heard of Terraformars if you even remotely thought that was a good idea.” Lincoln said with a deadpan expression as Dib covered his face.
“Look, I know it sounds crazy and I know we JUST met, but I could use some help with-”
“I’m in.” Lincoln said instantly.
“What, what?”
“You heard me, I said I was in!… Wait, why can’t Zach help you?”
“He’s allergic to roaches, so he’s no help at all…but why DO you want to help me? I mean, whenever weird stuff like this happens nobody believes me, not even Zach.” Dib explained.
“Firstly, because I know what it’s like to have nobody believe me, so I’m more than willing to help someone going through the same issue. Secondly, how the heck is someone allergic to cockroaches?! You sure he’s not just afraid of them?”
“I’m……… 85% sure!” Lincoln then raised his eyebrow at that.
“…… 50… I’m… 50 percent sure… he was honest about a… roach allergy.”
“…… Anyway… so, where do you think the cockroaches are now if they left the reservoir?”
“Hmmmm, well according to my seismographs, it detected unusual movements underneath the town and the central location is near the old bowtie pasta factory.” Dib spoke, pulling out his tablet and showing Lincoln what data and information he had collected so far.
”This is… disturbingly thorough.”
“I’m just gonna take that as a compliment.” Dib said as he placed it back in his backpack. “Look, all we need to do is meet up near here at around 9pm tonight! I’ll pack some anti-insect weaponry my dad made! Amazing blasters filled with a special spray that can take down any insect in a 20 mile radius! He made them to help farmers deal with pests! But then he got sued cause they ended up making the ground infertile so he shelved them…but we can use them on the roaches!”
“And what if they’ve gone all Terraformars roaches on us by the time we find them?”
“Ok I’m good at genetic experiments, but not THAT good.” Dib explained as he pulled out a watch and placed it in Lincoln’s hand.
“Here, it’s a comm watch we can use to communicate with each other. “Also, I forgot to ask this morning, why are your hands covered in bandages?”
“Oh, uh…… let’s just say I’m having some family problems……” Lincoln said uneasily as the bell rang.
“That’s the last bell! Alright Lincoln, remember the plan?”
“Yeah, we meet up at nine tonight don't worry, I’ll be there! Even if it's a little late, I’ll be there.” He said, determined to see this through.
“Great!” Dib said as he quickly ran off just as Clyde and the others walked into the courtyard.
”Uhhh Lincoln, my dads say they can give you a lift home, but… are you sure this is a good idea?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, don’t you know why he and his sister weren’t in school last year?” Liam asked.
“Uhhhhh should I?” He asked as Stella looked at them, just as out of the loop as Lincoln.
Zach then took a deep breath. “Yeah, my cousin accidentally killed about a few… thousand people in his hometown.” He spoke bluntly.
“WAIT WHAT!?” Both Lincoln and Stella exclaimed. “How do you ACCIDENTALLY kill more than ONE person, let alone more than a thousand?!?!” Lincoln yelled in shock.
“He said something about a milkshake ghost and a baby bigfoot sighting was the reason why… yeah, I uhhh… I don't know either, but it was so bad it forced Uncle Rodger to move him and Gaz here until the heat died down back home.” Zach explained.
“.... Whoa, that’s……that is a LOT to take in.” Lincoln said with very wide eyes.
“Look Lincoln, the point is we want you to be careful about all this. It’s bad enough the town thinks you’re crazier than a rattlesnake in a pickle barrel. We don't want everything to get worse for ya!” Liam said as Lincoln sighed.
“I appreciate it, guys, even though you don't believe me about Pester, I’m just glad you all still have my back.” He said before looking up… to see Rusty had already left and was already selling more of his ‘Crazy Boy’ merch.
“… Well, most of you, at least…” He deadpanned as he and Clyde walked back into the school and made their way to the McBride car but. had Lincoln been paying attention he would’ve noticed someone listening in on the whole conversation and smirking in the process.
Lincoln was currently in his room, waiting for everyone to go to sleep while he thought of how to sneak out without being found out. ‘At least mom drew the line at Lisa wanting to put tracking chips in us.’ He thought, shuddering at the thought of his 5 year old sister knowing his every move.
*Knock Knock*
“Lincoln, can I come in?” He heard Lynn ask. “Huh? Uh, sure.” He said loud enough for her to hear as she walked inside and closed the door and crossed her arms. “Alright bro, spill it… you’ve been awfully quiet ever since we came home from school.” She said.
“… I’m just trying to steer clear of everyone after… last night.” He said, which was actually partially the truth.
“Lincoln…” She said sternly, making him sigh.
“Okay fine look I met this kid today and he may or may not have doomed everyone with a stupid stunt he pulled and he needs my help to fix it and for that I need to sneak out without any of the others following me. Cause after all that’s happened, they’re more than likely just gonna blame everything that’ll possibly happen on me just cause they’re pissed!” He said sitting on his bed as Lynn raised an eyebrow.
“…… What time do you need to be there?” She asked.
“Nine, why?” He spoke as she pulled out her phone and saw it was almost 8:20. “… Go on, get out of here. I’ll cover you.”
“What? Why?”
“You’d do the same for me.” She chuckled. “Go on, Linc. It’s cool, and if anyone finds out about this, I'll take the fall. And if Luna tries to make a fuss, I’ll give her another black eye for you.” She said proudly as Lincoln smiled and hugged her.
“Thanks, Lynn!” He smiled as he reached under his bed and pulled out the rope he had stashed away from the shed, tossed it out the window and climbed down it.
“I’ll be back in a while.” He told her as she closed his door.
“He should be here by now.” Dib said while impatiently tapping his foot.
“Dib!!” Lincoln exclaimed as he ran up to him.
“Sorry I was almost late.” He said tiredly while bending over and breathing heavily. “I had to cut through a few alleyways.” He chuckled while rubbing the sole of his shoe in a patch of grass as Dib pulled out his tablet.
“It’s fine, now look here! I managed to detect a weird amount of energy readings coming from the factory basement oh man I hope those roaches aren’t mutating!” He said morbidly while envisioning the horrors they could unleash upon the world.
”Here, I brought a few things to help take care of these oversized pests.” Dib spoke, pulling out two large super soaker like guns out of a duffel bag. “These should help get rid of them!”
“Hey, Dib, what’s this weird gauntlet thing?”
“That’s just one of my dads spare arms.” He said a little too casually.
“I’m sorry, spare what?”
“ANYWAY. We need to take care of those roaches as soon as possible!” He said with urgency as Dib noticed a vehicle coming forward and tackled Lincoln into the alleyway.
“Hey! Wha-”
“Shhh!...Look!!” Dib said, pointing to the car as a group of numerous people in trench coats came out and made their way inside the factory.
“Who were they?”
“I don’t know, they could be anyone. Cultists, feds, serial killers, hackers, drug dealers. All that matters right now is making sure no roach survives.” Dib said as he and Lincoln made their way into the door.
We move onto a vent opening where the two boys fell out of after crawling through for a good half hour. “Dib, get your butt off my head!” Lincoln grunted, pushing him off.
“Okay, so where do you think the roaches could be?” He asked as Dib dusted himself off.
“Most likely on the factory floor eating moldy pasta left behind after it was shut down.” He said as they made their way through the factory as they could hear some distant chattering and bangs.
“Get that gun ready!” Dib whispered as Lincoln nodded. The boy stepped forward and felt his foot land in….something crunchy and wet. “……Please don’t be homeless poop.” He begged quietly as he shined his flashlight down and saw it was a giant dead cockroach the size of a large dog.
“……Now I wish it HAD been homeless poop. Also, Jesus Christ on a Cross. Dib, what the heck did you put in these things, steroids?!” He exclaimed as Dib covered his mouth.
“Shhhhh!!!!...and yes I…I did, but that's besides the point! One might be dead, but the others might still be alive!” He told him as he helped Lincoln pull his foot out of the carcass and they continued forward and could hear the sounds of voices, with one particular voice sticking out to Lincoln.
‘...No way, it can’t be!!’ He thought as he followed the sounds and hid behind a large crate and gave a shocked gasp as he saw it was Professor Pester, conversing with the trench coated people from up top on a metal walkway with no ‘elaborate’ disguise on.
As the two boys got closer, Lincoln realized ‘people’ in question were green skinned creatures wearing blue robes, and he saw their heads were floating over their mouth and that they had two eyes, one in the center of their face and the other was on a stalk.
“Ahh, my wonderful floaty headed friends! So nice of you to join me here!” Pester smiled down at them from his spot on the walkway as the Ruffians approached him from the right(his left).
“Human known as ‘Pester’! We have delivered the object you have requested!!” the Leader said as he snapped his….tentacle and his allies pulled out a box with a small pink glowing orb on a cushion as Pester gave a villainous smile at the sight of it.
While this was going on Dib approached Lincoln and gave a soft gasp. “What the hell?… What are those guys?” He whispered as Lincoln frowned.
”The guy in red is Professor Pester! Ever since he showed up with that damn Willy Wonka ripoff, people have been thinking I’m crazy, as for the creatures that are most likely aliens?...I'm not sure but, Pester called them ‘Floaty Headed friends’.” He explained quietly as the camera went back to Pester.
“Ahhh, Glarqtonium! Excellent! Now we can continue on Project T.U.F.F! Tell Doctor Jookiba he has my regards!” He said, sounding to Lincoln like his words actually had some genuine respect in them.
’Is that someone he actually trusts?’ He thought as Dib brought out his phone and began to record them.
“We have provided you with the object now you shall give us what WE desire; the sip that makes one flip!!” The leader boomed in an over dramatic fashion. “The what that makes one what?” Both boys whispered in confusion while looking at each other.
“Oh yes, of course, how could I forget?” Pester spoke as he snapped his fingers and the ruffians brought out a dust covered crate with biohazard stickers……that contained packs of ‘Smile Dip’.
“What the heck?”
“Wasn’t that stuff discontinued cause it had 50 times the legal amount of sugar and was 25% cocaine?” Dib asked as Lincoln gave a shrug.
“Yes! The dip that makes one flip! It is finally ours!!!” the leader exclaimed with an evil laugh as Dib dropped his phone, causing it to clatter on the concrete floor.
“Uh oh!” Lincoln said as the aliens and Pester all saw them.
“…YOU!!!!!” Pester growled as his eyes focused on Lincoln. “How did you even find out about this meeting?!”
“…… I actually didn’t, I was honestly just here to kill the roaches.” Lincoln spoke like it was obvious.
“Oh… well no need, we took care of that for you… but, since you’re here anyway… DESTROY THE BOY AND I’LL CALL THIS DEAL SEALED!!!!!” Pester yelled as the aliens seemed to agree with this new term, not thinking it would be that difficult as they whipped out very sci-fi looking blasters and they blasted at Lincoln.
“Look out!!” Dib shouted as he pushed Lincoln, aimed his anti-roach his roach gun and shot the liquid at the Floaty Heads… who were completely unaffected by it… almost.
”This strange liquid smells quite badly… like gasoline… and fecal matter.” The leader spoke in disgust as Lincoln shot a look at Dib.
“Ok, I did NOT fill these with gas and poop.” He said, genuinely offended by the silent accusation as he was brought out of his thoughts.
“DIIIIIIB!!!!!” Lincoln shouted as he jumped out the way of Pester trying to smash him… by dropping a sledge hammer on his head, which crushed the ground where he was once standing.
“You are getting on my nerves, boy!! I’m sick of you ruining my wonderfully awful plans!!” Pester growled as he raised the hammer to smash him only for Lincoln to slid under his legs and deliver a nasty punch to his groin.
“AAAAAHH!!! Not the 49!!!” Pester whined while holding his junk as Lincoln hopped off the ground and delivered a punch to Pester’s face sending him tumbling into the crates.
“Ruffians attack!!” He growled angrily before picking one up by the head and throwing it at Lincoln teeth first.
Lincoln however ducked and dodged the thrown minions, unaware that they were being thrown into a pile of rope behind him. “Ha! You missed!”
“Hmmmmm did I?” Pester said like a smug smartass with his arms crossed and a smug ass grin on his face.
“Huh?...WHOA!!!” Lincoln as he found himself tackled and tied up by the Ruffians who then proceeded to knock him out as Dib stopped his battle with the floaty heads.
“Lincoln!!” He exclaimed as he was zapped by the aliens and tripped over his own foot, falling down a staircase leading to a break room in the lower levels.
“Ugh…good thing this duffel bag broke my fall……at least this can’t get any worse than dying.” He groaned just as his phone started ringing. Weakly, he pulled it out of his pocket and saw that his sister was calling him.
“……Never mind, there are worse things than death.” He whimpered as he contemplated picking up to get chewed out by his sister or letting the aliens kill him.
“Ugh…what happened?” Lincoln groaned as he slowly opened his eyes and saw he was now upside down hanging from the ceiling of the room they were in by a chain. “Pester, I don’t know what you’re planning on doing with that ball, but I won’t let you do it! And what did you do with my friend?!”
“Oh your friend?...he’s right next to you!” Pester chuckled as Lincoln quickly realized that Dib was tied to his back and that his head was causing a large amount of strain on the chain.
“In a matter of minutes, your friends oversized head will cause the chain to break from the hook holding it, causing you to plummet at a dangerous speed, causing you to fall to the floor and break your necks! And there’s no one who can save you, and once you are finally gone, I shall hunt down that ghost boy and when he falls, VICTORY WILL BE MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-HACK!!” He laughed maniacally before choking violently on his own spit.
“Ghost boy?” Dib asked while glancing over at Lincoln who just shrugged. “Well, I never expected to die like this?”
“Me either. How did you see yourself going out, Lincoln?” Dib asked.
“Either the hands of my little sisters crazy experiments honestly or one of my other sisters snapping and deciding to kill me and the rest of our family.” He sighed as the sound of straining metal filled their ears, along with what sounded like stone slowly breaking as the floor seemed to zoom out as they looked at the drop. “How about you?”
“I honestly expected my sister to rip my organs out and get my corpse stuffed to use as a TV mount.” Dib spoke as Pester gave them a disturbed look.
“……You two have issues.”
“WE KNOW.” They both said irritably at the evil scientist when the chain started to vibrate.
“Well, it looks like this is the end. I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess.” Dib sighed. “Honestly I can’t believe I’m going to die without having made a single friend ever in my life.”
“In your LIFE?”
“Kind of hard with ADHD and a sister that genuinely hates everything and everyone.” Dib sighed.
“… Well… aren’t I your friend? Even Pester said you were my friend.” Lincoln smiled.
“… Huh. Ya know, I never thought of that honestly.” He said as Lincoln rolled his eyes.
“Gee, thanks for thinking so highly of me.” Lincoln jokingly said in a sarcastic tone.
“Ugh, you two are disgusting, that chain can’t break fast enough!” Pester grumbled as he rolled his eyes. “Maybe it needs a bit of assistance.” He said while rummaging through Dib’s duffel bag. “Let’s see here. Piss filled super soakers. Cyborg prosthetic arm. Miniature megaphone……kid, why do you have this?” Pester said while pulling out an M1911 with a full clip.
Before Dib could even answer, the chain broke from the roof as both of them were sent plummeting as Pester eagerly watched the two falling to their doom.
“I wish I didn’t have such a big head!”
“Pester, if I survive this, you better pray I don’t take that gun from you!” Lincoln screamed as both boys closed their eyes, waiting for their painful death… which never came.
“… Are we dead?” Dib asked as he opened his eyes and saw what was quite literally a black and yellow 3 foot robot with a very large yellow crest on its head with two very small blue eyes.
“…… Uhhhhhhh, Lincoln?” Dib said as the robot gently lowered them on the ground as Pester growled. “What the!?… OH THAT DOES IT!!” Pester roared, aiming the pistol and firing it at the robots head, making it ricochet off and end up grazing Pesters arm and embedding in a brick wall.
The robot turned its head as if it was cracking its neck as it sped forward towards Pester and grabbed him and threw him towards a large piece of machinery, causing it to tip over and start sparking, a few of which landed on some puddles of the liquid that was in Dib’s anti-roach weapons, resulting in an explosion which got the attention of everyone in town.
The entire police force and fire department was soon swarming around the factory as it was now up in flames. As the firefighters pushed the flames back, some of the police saw what looked like a small rocket shooting away from the factory too fast for them to see where it went. In reality, it was the robot, carrying the two boys who were still wrapped up in the chain.
However, Pester also managed to escape the explosion via an underground passage that led into the sewer pipes, where he hopped in an ATV and started driving with the Ruffians running after and trying to jump in with him.
‘That stupid kid!… What did that big head say his name was again?… Lincoln! Well then, Lincoln Loud! I swear on my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great Grandmummzy’s grave I shall have my revenge!!’ He thought with rage. ‘And where did that robot come from?! Just another target for me to take out.’ Pester thought as he drove off in a rush.
“My stomach feels like it went through a blender.” Lincoln groaned as the robot set them down behind Flip’s and began to undo their chains.
“Ugh… thanks… weird robot thing.” Dib said, uneasily as the robot slapped him upside his big head before dumping the duffel bag in front of him and flying off. “Well… that just happened. Sorry for getting you wrapped up in all that.”
“It’s fine, Dib, honestly. Stopping… whatever it is that Pester had planned with those aliens was worth the craziness and hey, at least now I finally have proof to the town that I’m not crazy!”
“You do?” Dib asked him.
“Yeah… you filmed the whole thing.” Lincoln told him.
“That’s right! It nearly slipped my…” Dib said as he reached into his pocket and pulled it out, only for his grin to fall. “…Uh oh… oh no! Where is it! I know I was recording!!”
“Don’t tell me those things deleted it!”
“I think it might’ve stopped recording altogether when I dropped it!”
“Damn it, Dib!” Lincoln said, facepalming.
“Sorry Lincoln.”
“No… it’s not your fault, Dib…well at least we stopped Pester. I hope. Let’s just head back to our homes, it’s almost midnight.” He said as the two high-fived and went their separate ways.
Lincoln climbed up the rope that led to his room and slowly snuck in… just as Lori turned the lights on, making him stumble and fall inside. “And just where have you been, mister?”
Now normally, Lincoln would be very nervous and uncomfortable lying to one of his sisters about something this big, however, Lincoln was currently very, VERY tired, so lying was NOT that big of a concern at the moment. “I went to hang out with a new friend.”
“And you literally climbed through your window?”
“Gee, it’s almost like I nearly beat someone into a coma last night after they said I shouldn’t have been born.” He said, sounding a lot more venomous than intended as Lori winced, remembering Luna’s words from the previous night.
“… Lincoln, that doesn’t matter, you still snuck out! Plus we were freaking out when that explosion went off!!”
“I saw that, too. Let me guess, someone wants to blame that on me, too?” He said sarcastically.
“Lincoln, I’m being serious right now, so tell me where you were.” She said him as he sighed and began to think.
’Ok, she's obviously not going to believe me if I tell her where I really was so…here goes nothing!’
I was buying pornography at a pornography store." He told her as she raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying as he gave an irritated sigh.
“Look Lori, I’m tired and crabby, please just leave.” He said with half-open eyes.
“Yeah, well…… fine.” She sighed as she turned to leave his room. “And for the record, nobody blamed you for the explosion….at least I hope not.” She said, muttering the last bit to herself.
Lori closed her door and was about to go off to her room until she saw Lisa standing in front of her. “… Lori, I would like a word with you and Lynn.” She said with a serious expression and tone.
”Can’t it wait until tomorrow afternoon?”
“No, now get moving.”
Lori and Lynn were now gathered in Lisa’s room looking at her computer.
“So what’s the deal, brainiac?” Lynn asked with a yawn as Lisa sighed while cleaning her glasses. “Sisters… I believe we owe Lincoln a massive apology.”
“What are you talking about?” Lori asked as Lisa began to type away at her computer and showed off footage of what had happened inside the factory and much to Lori’s shock it was Lincoln and some fat headed kid fighting off weird looking aliens and Reg Upchukk wearing some weird getup.
“Lisa, what the heck is this?”
“… Proof that our brother’s ‘delusions’ have more truth to them than we believed.”
“See!! Lincoln told you guys, but nobody wanted to believe him!” Lynn said, crossing her arms, shocking Lori.
”Wait…Lynn you believed him?”
“I mean, at the very least, I gave him the chance to prove he was telling the truth instead of, oh I don’t know, immediately dismissing him as insane.” She spoke as Lori and Lisa both gave guilty looks.
“Anyway, Lisa, how did you get this anyway?” The jock asked.
“Honestly, I’m unsure of where it came from. I just simply got an email from an anonymous source.” She explained with a shrug.
”Well, why don’t we just show this to everyone around town?”
“Lori, be logical. With what happened when all this started, what makes you think people won’t just accuse Lincoln of using CGI and AI to fake the recording? It's also because of that reason why we can't show the others they'll think it's fake as well and besides I need MORE evidence in order to properly help him.”
Lori wanted to respond, but she knew Lisa was right. “… Alright, first things first, Lisa, you and I are going to apologize to Lincoln.” Lori said as the small genius gave a nod.
“Secondly… can you find literally any way to get more proof to help him?”
“… I can try Lori. I can't promise anything, but I will try.” She spoke with determination.
Lincoln was lying in bed asleep when his phone gave a vibration which woke him up. “Ugh, Clyde I swear to Rubiner, if you woke me up again because you had the Brothers Flub dream again!” He grumbled under his breath as he checked his phone and saw it was a text from an unlisted number. “Huh?”
‘You owe me one, Snow White.’
-MF
‘Who’s MF?’ He thought, realizing they must have been the one behind the robot that saved them.
‘… Oh well, that’s tomorrow’s issue.’ Lincoln thought as he put his phone down and fell back in his bed and drifted to sleep when he heard a gentle knock at his door.
”Ugh! Yes?” He groaned as Lori gently opened the door with Lisa beside her. “Hey… can we talk?”
The Loud parents were in bed with Lynn Sr. trying to watch TV and Rita was reading a book.
“… Lynn?… Are we bad parents?” Rita asked her husband.
“Well honey… I know we aren't the best, but we do indeed try.” He sighed.
Rita just gave a sad look. “I'm just concerned Lynn, one of our daughter's is in the hospital, our kids are starting to hate each other and the entire town thinks our only son is crazy.”
Lynn Sr. gave a tired sigh as he laid back on his pillow.
“… Iknow…” He spoke before getting an idea..
“Hey…what do you say we change our plans for the vacation on Lake Eddy from next month to in, say, two weeks? The kids can get out and have some fresh air plus being away from the media might calm everyone down a bit.” He suggested as Rita smiled.
“…I think that's a great idea, plus it's been awhile since we've even been to Lake Eddy.” Rita said as the two shared a kiss and went to bed.
Notes:
Looks like the Loud Parents are considering taing the kids to Lake Eddy and trust when I saw that's when the flood gates will OPEN n terms of world building anyways Lincoln FINALLY gets more allies! with Dib Membrane joining his crusade alongside Lori and Lisa! and The floatyheads from The secret Show have made their debut! (and if you've seen the show then chances are you know who else has a high chane of showing up and i don't just mean the heroes) but who was the strange Robot who saved Lincoln and Dib? who is this...Doctor Jookiba that Pester mentioned? (if you know who he is then expect a certain someone to appear in Season 3) What's Pester planning with Project T.U.F.F? and more importanly what's Lisa and Lori going to do to Help Lincoln now that they know the truth? find out next time on Loud House '23!
Chapter 4: Collision College: Part 1
Summary:
Lincoln and Dib meet up to plan their next move, meanwhile the Louds take a day off from school to partake in a tour at where Lisa works.
Notes:
Red: Hello, everyone. Red here. I’m gonna be uploading this chapter due to a…mishap…the last time Geo tried to post on both Ao3 and FFN that essentially erased all of the edits we made. Not to mention he has to attend a family issue soon and won’t be able to write or post for a while. While I have this opportunity, I’d like to announce that I will be helping him write the next chapter for One Helluva Loud House after he gets back. And with that. Love, Luck & Lemons. Leave a comment, and enjoy. Also before he goes, Geo has one thing to say.
Geo: Thanks, man. heavy5commando. Next time you try to message me on FFN, make sure you actually unblock me so I can actually see it.
Red: I also have a special announcement at the end note.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
*The next day*
The Louds drove down the road as the sisters were eagerly talking amongst one another. Lincoln was reading a comic book until Vanzilla came to a stop.
“Lincoln, we’re here.” Rita said as Lincoln hopped out and saw the house of Dib and his sister.
“Thanks mom, I’ll see you guys later.” He said.
“Sure you wouldn’t want to come with us on the tour, Lincoln? Not that often we get to see where Lisa works.” Lynn Sr. spoke with a smile.
“And be blamed again for something I wasn’t even involved in? Thanks, but no thanks. Maybe some other time.” He said bitterly, making his parents sigh.
“Well…… okay, we’ll call you and let you know when we’re on our way back.” Rita told him with a frown.
“See ya later, sport.” His dad said before driving off, leaving their son alone on the sidewalk.
“Lynn, are you sure it’s a good idea to leave Lincoln alone with some stranger he only met yesterday?” His wife asked in a quiet whisper while their daughters talked amongst themselves. “What if someone tries to hurt him? He’s not exactly the most popular person around town right now.”
“He’ll be fine, Rita… I hope.” Lynn Sr. responded with a nervous gulp.
‘Honestly, after the incident with Luna, I think I’m more worried about whoever decides to pick a fight with him.’ He thought to himself as he drove off, making Lincoln sigh.
“Finally, they’re gone.” He said, slowly forming a smile as he walked up the pathway and knocked on the front door and waited for someone to answer.
’Should I ring the doorbell? No. If I do, his sister will probably kick my ass for irritating her, and I don’t need what happened to the popular kids to happen to me.’ He thought.
The door then, much to his surprise, opened via sliding inside the frame and revealed Dib on the other side.
“Hey, Lincoln, glad you could make it! Come on in!” He smiled, stepping to the side to let the white haired boy walk in.
“Alright Dib! Let’s discuss our game plan. We don't know what Pester’s planning next, or what those weird aliens want with expired candy, but we need to be ready!” Lincoln declared as Dib gave a nod.
”Yeah! And I told Zach about everything that went down!”
“He called you batshit insane, didn’t he?”
“No… well, about Pester, yes, but at least he believed me when I mentioned the Floaty Heads so… I guess he’s… kinda on our side?” Dib shrugged as Lincoln sighed and facepalmed.
“Seriously, what's it gonna take for someone to believe me? An actual alien showing up and posing as a human? And how the hell does he believe ALIENS over someone trying to take over the town disguised as a legitimate businessman?!” Lincoln exclaimed.
“He told me it’s because there’s been proof of aliens, just no proof of Pester, but he did say if we ever need help with the Floaty Heads, should they ever come back, he’ll help us so… that’s a plus, I guess.” Dib spoke while rubbing the back of his neck.
Lincoln, however, facepalmed. At least things couldn’t get any worse for the poor kid. ‘I KNOW the author didn’t just say that!’
“Anyway Dib, any luck on finding that weird robot who saved us?”
“Nada. I don’t think robotics have even advanced to the point that the robot was at. I even checked my dad’s robotic database and not even that was any help when… ya know. My dad’s a super genius and all.”
“Why does your dad ha-“
“Don’t ask. At this point I’ve given up questioning his reasons for building the things he makes. But that’s besides the point, whoever controls that robot could be a very strong ally to stopping that tiki wearing madman.” Dib warned as Lincoln sat down on the nearby couch next to an open window.
”Yeah, but how can we find out who sent the robot in the first place?” Lincoln asked as Dib sat next to him as they began to think all while Gaz walked past the window with a soldering kit and a gamecube.
“First things first. We need to find the owner of the phone that sent you that text. You have the phone number?” Dib asked as Lincoln pulled his phone and showed Dib the unknown number.
“I tried to call it but every time I do it just leads me to… well… ” Lincoln blushed as Dib raised an eyebrow.
“Leads to where?” He asked as Lincoln cleared his throat.
“……Big Titty Japanese Whore House in Detroit.” He spoke, embarrassed as Dib began to immediately copy the number down into his own phone.
“Yeeeeeeah… gonna need this for…… scientific… research purposes…” Dib said, absolutely with no shame in his voice as Lincoln gave him a deadpanned glare.
“……”
“Don’t give me that look, I know for a fact you probably did the same thing!”
“… Touché.”
“Anyway, we got off track right there. There has to be a way to figure out how the text came from there, and who actually sent it.” Lincoln said as Gaz was seen carrying a box of scraps into the garage with a welding torch.
“Could you use your advanced science tech to see who was texting at that time?”
“Yes, but do you know how many people in the world have phones?” Dib said as Lincoln face-planted on the table.
”It would take maybe a month or two to go through all of them!”
“We don't have that long! There has to be something we can do.” Lincoln grumbled, all while Gaz could be seen hefting a huge tank of rocket fuel over her shoulder with an additional blowtorch in her mouth.
“Wait! Why don’t you copy every message at once into a word doc and search for the specific message!”
“Lincoln, that… that…… FUCK! Why didn’t I think of that?!” Dib groaned angrily while spacking his forehead.
“That’ll still take a long time to go through all the messages, even with that idea, maybe two weeks?”
“……*Sigh* Well, that’s better than two months.” Lincoln sighed in near defeat.
“Either way, we’ll know the identity of the one who sent that robot, and when we do, we can thank them face to face!” Lincoln smiled… as Gaz wheeled the very same robot from the night before on a dolly.
“Those two are fucking morons.” Gaz said while facing the camera and shaking her head before disappearing into the garage.
“Wow, Lisa. You work HERE?” Lana exclaimed with Stars in her eyes making her younger sister chuckle.
“Yes, indeed I do, Lana.” Lisa smiled with pride as she watched her siblings and parents stare in awe at the massive 60 story building.
”Amazing! The campus of the most renowned college in all of Michigan!” Luan gasped, reading the brochure.
“Meh, not that impressive.” Luna said with a bored shrug, making her sisters ignore her.
“If you all would follow me, I shall give you all a guided tour.” Lisa smiled as she walked forward and her family eagerly followed her inside the massive structure.
Lisa was leading her family through the halls as the louds marveled at the pictures that adorned the hallways.
“Wow, I never knew so many famous people went here.” Lola said, looking at a picture of Weird Al.
“Yes indeed, Lola, however some who graduate here aren’t worth mentioning.” Lisa spoke as she stared at a picture of the last three US Presidents.
“Plus, not everyone who graduates from here does so with flying colors…some barely scrape the bottom of the barrel.” She said, turning her attention to a frame containing a photo of Elon Musk.
“Ahem, anyway!” Lisa said, clearing her throat.
“Vell Vell Vhat iz going on here?” A voice spoke as the Louds saw an old man with gray hair and two metal claws for hands.
“Oh! Hello, Professor. Family unit, allow me to introduce my superior; Professor von Slopsink.” She said, gesturing to the balding man.
“Oh! Vell hello zere I muzt say, Lisa is one our brightest minds we have here zhe haz helped zo many ztudents zucceced in vays never before zeen!” the professor exclaimed as Lynn Sr. shook his….claw…very uncomfortably. “Uh, thank you…” He said to the professor.
“Anyway, Professor, I hope you don't mind that I take my family on a tour of the facility.” Lisa spoke.
“Oh not at all, Lisa, juzt, remember that classes start in 2 hours!” He said, holding one hand sideways to emphasize the time.
”Of course.” Lisa spoke as she led her family deeper into the building.
“And this is the dining hall.” Lisa said as the Louds marveled at the massive eating room.
“This place is three times bigger than my restaurant!” Lynn Sr. exclaimed as they all went inside and looked in awe at the selection of breakfast foods.
“Apple cinnamon muffins, turkey bacon, beef bacon, and….THEY EVEN HAVE FISH BACON!!!!” Lana yelled in excitement as everyone else groaned in disgust.
“Ugh Lana, that sounds grosser than Lincoln’s peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwiches!!” Lola gagged.
“Hmmm, I don't know, I rather enjoy it every now and then myself…” A deep, suave, seductive-sounding voice spoke behind them as they girls turned around and locked eyes with a 6’06” hunk of a man in a lab coat and dress shirt and pants, with a slick, full head of jet black hair that contrasted with his smooth, milky skin, and a square, chiseled jawline that had the faintest of stubble peppered all over.
“Ah! Hello, Professor Utonium, I see you’re enjoying your pre-afternoon meal time.” Lisa smiled. “I assume you overslept again.”
“Em…Yes, I unfortunately did.” She said sheepishly rubbing the back of his head as Lisa kept a hand in her pocket.
“Professor, this is my family. I am giving them a tour of the facility.”
“Oh so you’re the famous family I’ve so much about?” He chuckled, unaware of their now uncomfortable looks.
“Yeah….ummm so Mr. Utonium, was it? What do you teach here at the school?” Rita asked, wanting to change the subject. “I teach our students the wonders of science! Ranging from geology to the more advanced stuff like sub-atomic nuclear fusion.” He said as if the second part wasn’t that big of a deal. “I’m also a child psychologist with numerous awards and degrees under my belt.” He said, garnering the parents attention.
“Wow with that much experience, I bet you have a hard time beating off the ladies with a stick huh?” Luan chuckled…as poor Utonium began to comically sulk. “...not exactly…most women see me as a boring square.” He said in a dower tone as the Louds all gave a sweatdrop. ‘That’s hard to believe.’ The girls collectively thought as a watch beeped, making Professor Utonium quickly stand perk. “Sweet mother of Terrence McBird! I forgot I left a burner on!!” He exclaimed before running off.
“Well….that was….ummmm…interesting.” Rita said as she heard the sounds of grumbling stomachs. “Hmmm, perhaps we can eat lunch before continuing the tour.” Lisa said as her sisters eagerly rushed to the buffet line.
“While my laptop goes through those messages, let’s hang out somewhere.” Dib suggested
“Like?” Lincoln asked. “Hmm, you know any good arcades?”
Before Lincoln could say anything, a brick was thrown through the window, shattering it as the brick hit Dib in the leg.
“HEY BIG HEAD, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!!!” They heard Chandler yell from outside. “MY head's not big!!” Dib exclaimed angrily while holding his leg in pain.
Lincoln looked out the window and saw Chandler, Vana and Kevin surrounded by several of their lackeys, all holding weapons of varying size like pipes and bars of wood, one even looked like he had a knife.
“Uh oh….we’re outnumbered!” Lincoln said as Dib gave a grimace. “Damn, I knew I forgot something! I forgot to activate the security systems this morning, it takes 30 minutes for them to warm up.”
“You think we can stall them for that long?” Lincoln asked.
“…Well they don’t look that smart, so maybe.” Dib shrugged.
“If you aren’t out here in 5 seconds, then we storm the place faster than the Capital Riots!” Kevin yelled, slapping a crowbar in his hand.
“Try anything and my dad will have the cops on you in less than half an hour!” Dib threatened as they all soon heard a voice.
“HEY, NUMBNUTS!!!” The popular kids looked up and saw Gaz, now wearing a black dress with gray striped sleeves and purple striped leggings, standingon the rooftop. “Gaz?” Dib said as he hopped his way to the window as he and Lincoln saw her jump from the roof in front of the group and land with a roll.
“Well well, if it ain’t the emo. Finally decided to date me?” Chandler smirked as Vana grimaced beside him at the thought of any girl dating him.
“Like I said, I’m not into guys with vaginas.” Gaz said as a few of Chandler's lackeys, Vana and Kevin were heard snickering.
“Grrrrrr, you’ll pay for what you did to us the other day!!” Chandler growled.
“Aw, is someone still mad they got snot in their mouth?”
The ginger boy saw red and snapped his fingers as Gaz found herself surrounded by a hoard of lackeys.
“Oh….ganging up on a little girl, huh?.....alright.” Gaz smirked as she cracked her knuckles and got into a fighting stance. “Your funeral.”
“They’re dead.” Dib said, not worried for her at all, confusing Lincoln. He knew Gaz was far stronger than she looked, but he didn’t know she knew how to fight. ‘Alright, let’s see how this goes.’ He thought as one of the lackeys rushed Gaz, who simply shifted her foot and her weight and leaned in to make a nasty punch to his face, sending him flying all while three others came in, swinging their weapons as Gaz ducked under a few and sweep kicked two of them, forcing them to drop their weapons as Gaz slammed both of her feet into ones chest, she grabbed the board he had and flung it into three more of the lackeys and watched as it bounced against their heads, knocking them out while while she jumped over the head of another one and grabbed him by the collar and threw him like a ragdoll into his friends the one with the knife came charging in, only for Gaz to slap the knife from his hand and kicked his leg so hard it snapped. She then grabbed his arm and chopped it four times and broke it in several places as he was screaming in pain Gaz grabbed him by the broken arm and started to sling him around, hitting more of the lackeys before throwing him into Chandler as two more charged her Gaz jumped out the way and slammed her boots into their shoulders knocking them both out while she back flipped off the chest of another and slammed her knees into ones face as she grabbed a wooden bar and threw it, knocking out the one she jumped off of as the last two tried to attack her with baseball bats, only for Gaz to kick one in the nuts grabbing his bat, knocking him out and shoving said bat up his ass as she grabbed and tossed him at his friend who then slammed into a tree unconscious.
“....That all you got?” Gaz, who wasn’t the least bit tired, asked Kevin and Vana, both of whom growled.
“Kevin, we should go!” Vana said as he scoffed at the redhead. “You wanna run away like a pussy, be my guest.” he said. “Just make sure that Sleeping Beauty back there doesn’t bleed on himself.” He said, making a gesture towards the unconscious Chandler. Vana grimaced at the thought of helping him, but caved in under the weight of Kevin’s glare and went to drag Chandler away.
Kevin stepped up and cracked his knuckles before touching a nearby tree and, much to Lincoln and dib’s disbelief, his entire arm and body began to take on a wooden texture, all while Gaz raised an eyebrow. ‘So…he’s an osmosian?...this just got more fun.’ She thought while cracking her own knuckles.
Kevin charged forward fist drawn back and hit Gaz who simply blocked, while Dib was shocked when she was pushed back towards the wall. “Ok, maybe she’s a little boned.” He admitted as Lincoln gave a scowl.
“Dib…stay here, I’m gonna give her a hand.” He said, prompting Dib to give him a dumbfounded look. “Did you NOT just see him become part tree?!” Dib exclaimed.
“Eh, just means he can burn more easily.” Lincoln shrugged as Dib gave him a look of disbelief.
“……Pester was right, we DO have issues.” He said as Lincoln quickly jumped through the broken window and ran over to punch Kevin in his face, which caused him to skid across the ground, much to the greasy pricks shock. “What the?.....How the hell did you hit me that hard with those noodle arms?!” Kevin growled as he felt the wood on his skin cracking where he was hit.
Lincoln glared at him as he cracked his knuckles. “My grandpa taught me some things from his time in the service.” Lincoln said casually. “The fuck kinda service makes you strong enough to crack a tree with your fist?!?!” Kevin exclaimed as Lincoln tried to punch him again, only for him to narrowly dodge his next attempt.
However, he didn't see Gaz swing her leg into the path his head was moving in and ended up getting roundhouse kicked, which sent him to the ground, only for Kevin to slam his hands into the ground and summon massive wooden pikes from the ground as he tried to skewer both of them. Unfortunately, both of them were faster than he anticipated and only ended up getting their clothes caught on and torn from his wood attack.
“Stay the fuck still!!” Kevin growled as he buried his hands in the ground and grabbed a piece of pipe. and used it to coat his body in rusty metal while he formed his fingers into what looked like razor blades.
“Shit!” Gaz grumbled as she broke off a piece of wood and threw it at Kevin who caught it and shredded it into pieces with his razor fingers.
“Nice try, emo!!” Kevin smirked as Lincoln scowled and smashed the pikes his now torn shirt was caught on with his elbow. “You know. There’s one part of him that doesn’t have any metal.” He said in a low tone to Gaz while keeping direct eye contact with Kevin. She gave a smirk and followed the white haired boys gaze. “I see what you mean now.” She said with a malicious grin forming on her face.
“Oh, I don’t like that look.” Dib said with a gulp.
Gaz broke off more of the wood and ran towards Kevin, her fist drawn back with a wooden pike in hand.
“Please! Like that shit can hurt me!!” Kevin growled as Gaz tried to stab him, only for Kevin to swing his hands down and just barely manage to cut the front of her dress, only to see a growing blur out of the corner of his right eye, followed by darkness…then extreme pain. “Forget about me, asshole?” Lincoln growled as his pike stabbed Kevin in the eye, his metal eyelids being the only thing stopping it from going further than his eye.
“AAAAAAAAAAAA!HHHHH!!!! YOU ALBINO FUCKER!!!” Kevin growled as Gaz delivered another roundhouse kick to the back of his head and Lincoln landed a haymaker into his stomach, sending him to the ground in pain as his body slowly turned back to normal.
“...Just leave, Kevin, it’s over.” Lincoln growled, looking at his now torn shirt as Gaz gave her knuckles another crack, making Kevin growl as he stood up and walked off, holding onto his now bloody eye socket as he pulled the pike out and threw it on the ground.
“This ain’t over, Loud!” Kevin growled as he limped off while Gaz looked down at her dress, the cuts exposing some parts of her bare chest. ‘Well that’s not gonna do.’ Gaz thought before she walked back inside of the house and approached Dib who was kinda worried what she would do to him. “W-What’re you doing?” He asked nervously as without saying a word Gaz grabbed her brother’s cowlick and yanked it out of his head and walked back outside.
Looking up through the fourth wall, she glared at the Teen rating and used the big ass cowlick as a whip to strike the ‘Teen And Up Audiences’ into ‘Explicit’ while Dib cried out in pain.
‘There, problem solved.’ She thought casually as she walked back inside and tossed the cowlick back into Dib’s hands.
“...My hair!” Dib whined.
“It’ll grow back and stop being such a whiner!” Gaz called out while pulling her torn dress over her head and slamming the door to her bedroom behind her.
Lincoln gave a sigh and walked back over to the couch and collapsed. “...Ugh…that was crazy.”
“Did you stab Kevin’s eye out?!”
“Eh…he’ll get better. How’s your head?”
“In pain.” Dib groaned. “You can grow it back, right?”
“Yeah, but it’s gonna be really painful to get it to grow back in time for the next chapter.”
“And with this, we end this tour at the best place in the entire school; the main lab!” Lisa declared showing off the main lab which, like the other rooms in the building, was massive and filled with expensive equipment. “Pfft, what’s the big deal about some dumb lab?” Luna scoffed while crossing her arms, making Lisa gasp, insulted by her attitude.
“The ‘big deal’ is that the world's most important scientific breakthroughs of the last 50 years were made in these very halls, brat.” A rather bitter voice with a thick German accent spoke, startling Luna and the rest of Lisa’s family as said genius girl looked up and saw a balding old man that looked like a bootleg Albert Einstein.
“Oh hello, Albert.” Lisa said, rolling her eyes while managing to hide the feelings of insult from her rocker sister's lack of interest. “Everyone allow me to introduce you to Doctor Albert Q. Wily.” Lisa introduced.
“A pleasure.” Dr. Wily spoke, giving a short bow and stifling his bitter tone for at least a moment. “So, I take it you’re entering the contest as usual?” Lisa asked as Wily rolled his eyes. “Of course I plan too! And this time, I plan on winning…Thomas will not claim victory over me this time!” He said with a growl while balling his fist.
“Yes, I’m sure you will,just like last year. Need I remind you of your so-called great creation?” Lisa taunted, making his forehead throb. “The Double Gear was sabotaged!” Wily exclaimed in a grouchy tone. “Sure it was, just like the time you tried to create a half robotic tank.”
“That did not have sufficient power from lack of funding!”
“Regardless, I don’t believe you will be successful this year.” Lisa said as Dr. Wily began to fume before he calmed down.
“Grrrrrrr regardless, I WILL have a victory this day, even if I have to steal it!” He declared, still fuming as he walked off leaving a very confused Loud family.
“...Uhhhh Lisa what did he mean by contest?” Lynn Sr. asked. “Simple, father. Every year the university holds a contest amongst the teachers and students to create the next great invention of the century. If it's not me winning, it is either Professor Utomium, my colleague Mr. McPhearson or Doctors’ Light and Wakeman.”
“But this year the winner will be me, Elizabeth!” A nasally voice shouted from behind the Louds, who turned around and saw a tall, lanky boy about Lincoln’s age, yet a head taller than him, with pale skin and a very greasy looking bowl cut, wearing a pair of knee high socks, brown dress shoes, a white dress shirt with an ugly ass brown and black tie, a pair of shorts, and quite possibly the thickest pair of nerd glasses to ever exist.
“Oh yes hello there…Astronomanov.” Lisa said as Lynn Sr. walked up and shook his hand. “A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Astronommynip!” He smiled as the boy shook his hand and cleared his throat.
“...Please sir call me by my REAL name….Mandark!”
*KRAKOTOWA!*
“…Well that was weird.” The now named Mandark spoke as he fixed his glasses. “Mr. Loud I will admit your daughter is indeed one of the brightest minds I have ever met, but today she shall know defeat at my hands!” He declared overdramatically.
“Yes I’m sure you will……Susan.” Lisa smirked, immediately making his face go red as he heard her sisters start snickering.
“I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT!!!” He whined, fire in his eyes as Lisa herself snickered.
“Anyways, Mandark, if you hope to win this year you better hope that-“
“-I don't win again!”
The Louds heard a young, Russian sounding voice speak loudly before turning once again and seeing a boy about as tall as Lisa, with thick glasses and curly orange hair.
“Ahh hello there, Dexter.” Lisa smiled as the boy took her hand and gently shook it, making her blush. “A Pleasure as always, my dear Elizabeth.” He said.
“Awwwwwwww!!” Rita and most of the Loud sisters all cooed, noticing the blush on the 5 year olds face, which only grew from their reactions.
“Sooooooooo, Lisa, aren’t you gonna introduce us?” Lori teased. “Unfortunately no. I’m not.” Lisa spoke in an embarrassed tone as Dexter who was also blushing a storm cleared his throat.
“I am Dexter McPhearson, the greatest scientific boy genius in the world, though another fights me for such a title. It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Loud family.” Dexter spoke, shaking each of their hands.
“So Dexter, how long have you and and my sister been dating?” Lynn asked, teasing the smaller boy and girl, who both went red.
“He is not my boyfriend, we're just colleagues!” Lisa said as her face burned brighter, making Mandark roll his eyes.
“If you two lovebirds are done, I need to go and finish my invention for the contest later in the evening!” He told before walking off, and doing quite possibly the stupidest laugh in all of fiction.
“AH HAHA! HA HAHA HA!!!!!” He laughed as Dexter facepalmed. “I have no idea what we are going to do with him.” He grumbled while shaking his head. “Anyway so…Dexter was it? What are you entering in the contest?” Luan asked him.
“That is a secret that shall only be revealed during the competition!” Dexter declared dramatically as his watch began to beep. “Oh, speaking of which that’s my alarm, I will see you later, Elizabeth!” Dexter smiled as he walked off making Lisa give a dreamy sigh. “Soo-“
“Shut up.” Lisa immediately said, spraying her female family members with a spray bottle. “Where did you even get that from?” Luna grumbled.
“That’s not important.” Lisa exclaimed as she led them to a nearby seating area. “The contest will begin soon so you all just wait here. I have some business to attend to, in the meantime.” Lisa told them before walking away to the exit.
Lisa entered another room on the sixth floor of the college and quietly closed the door behind her. “I see you finally made it, my dear.”
“Ah, Dr. Wakeman.” Lisa smiled at a woman with long white hair wearing red tinted glasses and wearing a yellow lab coat with black buttons.
“Now, we all know why we’re here, correct?’ Professor Utonium spoke while munching on a cereal bar. “Yes, an…wait, we’re one short.”
“If you are referring to Dr. Heinz, he fell asleep in the chair over there.” Lisa heard a deep British voice and turned to face a rather large, muscular wall of a man with long white hair and a huge white beard wearing a large pair of brown shoes, blue jeans and a red button up shirt, with a lab coat that had rolled up sleeves.
“No, Dr. Light. I’m referring to our…unstable…colleague.”
“Ah, Dr. Sanchez…he’s…not with us anymore.”
“He’s dead?!”
“No! I mean, he’s been institutionalized.” He exclaimed with wide eyes.
Hearing this made Lisa take off her glasses to clean them. “Hmm, yes I suppose it was only a matter of time before he was locked away. Now then, let’s all get to business.” She said, cracking her neck as she climbed up on a chair.
“So….which of us do we think is going to win this year’s competition?” Lisa said. “Ahem…I believe Dr. Light may have this one in the bag.” Utonium said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Oh, I’m not so sure.” Dr. Light spoke sheepishly. “Oh nonsense, Thomas! Your inventions are amazing!” Dr. Wakeman said, prompting him to blush. “Well, your robotics are nothing to ignore.” He said, flustered by the compliment. “How have they been going for you?”
“Eh, it’s a work in progress. You know what they say, ‘Ninth times the charm’.” She said with a chuckle.
While they were chatting far off in another room Mandark and Dr. Wily were holding their own meeting in the basement. “We must not fail this year!”
“Agreed. At this point, I’m willing to take third place just to get SOMETHING!” Mandark exclaimed before he gained an idea.
“...Albert? What If I told you I had an idea that’ll cement our victory?” He spoke with a wicked grin.
“Hmm…I am listening.” Dr. Wily spoke as Mandark formed a very malicious grin.
“Well that was a…very interesting day, to say the least.” Lincoln said while riding his bike. He had left Dib’s for his house and had been riding his bike to the next town over where the nearest hospital was. Ever since the fire, Lincoln was worried about his big sister and so he was going to visit her. And after half an hour of non-stop pedaling, he arrived outside the building.
“Alright, here I go.” He said as he locked his bike and went inside after asking the receptionist he made his way to the elevator to Leni’s room numbered: 23-19.
‘…What do I even say to her?’ Lincoln thought with a sad look, wondering if Leni was angry at him like Luna was, or worse, whether or not she blamed him for the fire like the media did. ‘Stupid Katherine! I thought you were cool!’ He thought, beginning to cry a little as he wiped his eyes and knocked on the door.
“....Come in.” He heard Leni say in a sad tone. Hesitantly, Lincoln pushed the door open and saw her room was filled with flowers and ‘get well soon’ balloons, he also saw that Leni was sitting on the side of her hospital bed with her arms behind her, keeping her upright, her back facing the door so she couldn’t see him. “Leni…it-it’s me.”
“Oh…hey, Linc.” She said, not even trying to turn around as Lincoln saw the corner of her eyes were dim.
“....Leni….I……I’m sorry I wasn't there to help you.” He said nervously, fighting back the urge to start crying.
Leni however said nothing, all she did was let out a heavy sigh and sniffle
“...Leni….please I know you’re upset because you probably blame me for what hap-“
“NO I DON'T!!!” She suddenly screamed, startling Lincoln, who took a step back in shock.
“.....Lincoln that guy you told us about…what was his name?” She asked, surprising her already shocked brother with the question. “…Pe…Pester…his name was Professor Pester…why?”
“.....I saw him…when Vlad captured me I saw him jumping out a window before the fire engulfed the mall. I also heard him, he and Vlad were in league with each other.” She said in a low tone.
“...you….You saw Pester?” Lincoln asked in a quiet and shocked tone as he saw her gently nod.
“....Lincoln.” Leni spoke as Lincoln saw she was crying. “I…I’m sorry I didn't believe you…i’m a terrible sister!...but……” Leni cried loudly as she turned her body to face her brother. Lincoln’s heart dropped as he saw his older sisters condition. Her blonde hair was a complete mess, her tan was long gone and he could even see from just her face she was far more thin than she should have been, but the worst part of her condition…were the two heavily bandaged stumps where her legs should have been.
“I guess I got what I deserve.” She sobbed lightly. “The doctors did more X-Rays and said there was nothing that could be done to fix it, so…they had to do this.”
“What!? No! Leni what happened to you was a complete accident if it wasn’t for Danny you would’ve died!....I would never want something like…like THIS to be a punishment for you! Plus, even if you didn’t believe me, you were the only one not to mock or even make fun of me this whole time!” He exclaimed, no longer hiding his tears as his eyes refused to look away from her bandaged thighs.
“But…” She said as Lincoln hugged her. “No ‘buts’ Leni..I love you! And I’m just glad you’re alive!” He told her as Leni began to tear up and hugged him back, trying her best not to start wailing her lungs out. “I’m so sorry.” He told her as the two stayed in that hug and Lincoln’s resolve was more clear than ever now. He knew that Pester had to be stopped from whatever he was planning and now he knew that Leni would support him, regardless of what came next.
Notes:
Red: So yeah, Gaz is a badass and, as a result, has made the story rating go up from Teens to Explicit. As a result, the story will have much darker moments, such as the last scene in the chapter. And with that, our announcement. Geo has officially decided that The Loud House ‘23 WILL include lemons! But only on Ao3 so people on the other site don’t whine about him posting smut involving these characters. Anyway, next time we see Dr. Wily and Mandark work together to sabotage Lisa and the other scientists.
Chapter 5: Collision College: Part 2
Notes:
Yo guys, Geo and Red here, and welcome back to Loud House ‘23! This time around we have part 2 of Collision College and at the very end something BIG is teased for the future and sets the ground work for both seasons 2 and 3! Because, yes. we are indeed in talks of prepping season 3. So with that out of the way here’s more LH23!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The Louds were making their way through a crowd of students and making their way to the VIP seats near the front row that Lisa had set them up with.
“I can’t believe our little girl managed to get a job that pays hundreds of times more than us!”
“I know! It’s hard to believe she’s only five!”
While their parents bickered amongst themselves, the 8 other sisters took their seats…with Luan making it a point to sit on the complete opposite end of where Luna was sitting.
“She’s really serious about that whole ‘cold shoulder’ thing, isn’t she?” Lana said to Lola as they both sat side by side.
“Yeah, seriously, I don’t get her issue? So what if Lincoln’s gone a bit nuts.” Lola said with a shrug, unaware of Lynn scowling at her.
“Lola, don’t you remember what Luna said about him? She basically said she wished he wasn’t born.” Lana said with a frown as the lights dimmed and they all saw Professor Von Slopsink walking on stage.
“Ladies and gentlemen! Velcome to the annual Scientific advancements Contest!” he said as a weak fanfare played and a few bits of confetti were shot out as he cleared his throat.
Now zhen…allow me to introduze our firzt conteztant! Doctor Thomas Light!” He announced as Dr. Light walked onto the stage while wheeling something covered by a massive tarp next to him.
“Ladies and gentlemen, in this day and age, the elderly, and in some unfortunate cases the younger generations, are finding it harder and harder to do the things they need to do day in and day out wouldn’t it be easier if they had help 24/7? Allow me to introduce you all to my latest inventions!” He exclaimed as he pulled the tarp off the wheeled platform, revealing a set of 3 children, one of whom was a boy who had metallic blue legs, another was a girl in a very bright red dress with a slick metallic forearm, and the third was a teenager with tired looking bags under his eyes wearing a purple T-shirt and dark green short with blackish purple legs and…wearing in a hot pink bathrobe. “What the?!” Light exclaimed as everyone in the audience snickered at the sight of the robe.
“Hehe, how did that get there?” He said uneasily, trying to play it off as he tossed the robe aside.
Dr. Light then cleared his throat. “Allow me to introduce my children and the future of robotic assistance. Rock, Roll…and Bass!” He said as Bass flinched. “...Bass, doctor. my name is Bass(Pronounced Base)!” He spoke as Dr. Light gave another uneasy chuckle. “Right my apologies..Bass!”
“…Oi vey…”
Under the stage, Dr. Wily and Mandark were busy setting up a few more preparations of their own.
“Is it ready yet?” Mandark asked as Wily typed away at his laptop pulling up numerous files of the contestants. “Ahhh! Here we are! Light’s project, as well as the projects of the others!” He smirked as Mandark looked on the screen and saw that Dr. Wakeman had a project labeled: XJ-9 and Professor Utonium’s project was for a new substance he labeled ‘Chemical: X’.
“This Chemical: X that Utonium has looks promising.”
“I’ll take it along with whatever Dexter’s making!” Mandark said as he scowled at Dexter’s project, which resembled a pink atom with white rings and yellow neutrons floating around it, while Dr. Wily pressed a few keys on his laptop. “We’re in. Get in place, Mandark, it's showtime!!” Wily said as Mandark gave a nod.
“Anywho……” Dr. Light said. “These three, as well as many others, have been created to help those in need in ways normal people are unable too” he explained as the audience was intrigued at what he was saying all while he showed off screenshots of various robots helping people.
‘Well done, Thomas.’ Lisa thought with a smirk as the girl stepped forward and gave a small bow.
“My name is Roll. I was created to be the perfect and ultimate housekeeper!” She said, turning her metallic hand into a vacuum as Rock stepped up next. “My name is Rock. I was created to be the ultimate friend and babysitter for young children.” He smiled before stepping back and allowing the teenager to step up. “My name is Bass, and I was created to be…the…ultimate…retail worker……” He spoke in a disgruntled tone as people either chuckled or showed him pity, making his eye twitch in annoyance.
“My company hopes to produce several thousand just like them within the next year.” Dr. Light said as he ended his presentation as the crowd began to clap…..
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!”
…at least until Bass dropped to his knees screaming.
“Bass?! What’s wrong!?” Rock exclaimed as he bent down to try and help his brother up, only for Bass to push him away with enough force to send him flying across the stage.
“Rock!!” Roll screamed as Bass grabbed her by the throat and threw her into the wall when the massive screen behind Dr. Light started to flash red and a massive Skull with a W on its forehead appeared.
All while Bass grabbed Dr. Light and restrained him.
“Bass what’s gotten into you!?” He exclaimed as a familiar voice ran out throught out the theater.
“Well Well Well! It would seem like Thomas’ little ‘inventions’ have malfunctioned. How sad!”
“Albert?” Lisa muttered with wide eyes, recognizing him by the thick German accent that played on the speakers.
“Everyone exit, stage left!!!” Slopsink shouted as the crowd tried to run away, only for the emergency shutters to slam down and lock everyone inside.
“Oh no you don’t! All of you plebs are staying right here!!!” Lisa tensed up as she heard Mandark laugh over the intercom. ‘Susan!’ She thought with a growl.
“Mommy, daddy! I’m scared!!” Lola said as Lynn Sr. picked her up. “It’s okay, sweetie, we’ll be…okay…I hope.” He said as Lisa pressed a small button on her glasses and started to scan the area.
‘Let’s see, there are several vents leading out of the room, but they are all too small to get into…not to mention the security camera, which is most likely how they can see and hear us………the only logical method of escape is destruction of school property.’
“....Lucy? Lynn? I require your assistance.” She told her sisters quietly, prompting both of them to look down at her.
Lincoln was making his way to the Hospital’s cafeteria to get something to eat for him and Leni, while still constantly rubbing his eyes. “She believes me…but why did that have to cost her legs?” He muttered sadly to himself as he walked by the lobby…and noticed Sam playing guitar for the kids alongside another teen with a gap in his front teeth that had brown hair, blue eyes, jeans and an off-white t-shirt with both a red stripe and green stripe going around it on top of a long sleeve shirt.
“Sam?” Lincoln spoke as she noticed him. “Oh! Hey Linc! Why’re you here?”
“My…My sister was at the mall…they had to amputate her legs…”
“Oh My God!” Sam gasped. “I’m so sorry!”
“It’s fine…Leni’s trying not t-“
“It was LENI?!” Sam exclaimed in shock as the boy with her placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.
“So…who’s this? Your cousin…or a new bandmate?” Lincoln asked.
“Oh! Lincoln, this is Cody, my boyfriend!”
“Oh, co…wait BOYFRIEND?!?!” He exclaimed in absolute shock.
“.....Yeah, why?”
“..I uhhhh…I thought you were…you know……………………gay?”
“Oh, for the love of…why does everyone I tell think that?! Just because I dye my hair blue and wear guys' clothes DOESN’T MEAN I’M INTO GIRLS!” Sam exclaimed, sounding very much annoyed.
“You, uhhhhh… gonna be okay babe?” Cody spoke.
“I’m fine! I’m fine…just…gotta breathe……”
“……”
“……”
“Anyway! Leni got hurt at the mall?” Sam asked as Lincoln gave a nod. “Yeah some jackhole set the place on fire and she got caught in it, but she was saved, thankfully.”
“I’m sorry about that…and about that little outburst…” She said, embarrassed by herself. “Is…is that something that happens a lot?”
“Well, when even your parents start to think it, it gets to be a bit much.”
“…Ok then…anyway…how did you two meet?”
“Oh, Cody was on this ‘reality’ show in Canada and was hitting on my cousin, Gwen, who gave me his number since she realized he was…well he’s kind of my type. What can I say? I like the nerdy ones.” She chuckled, making him blush. “So how’s your brother doing?””
“…What’re you talking about? Sam, I don’t have a brother. Believe me, I WISH I had a brother.” Lincoln said as he was currently unaware of the massive glowing word FORESHADOWING that quickly blipped above his head.
“Uhhhh, yeah you do…your brother’s that femboy in our band…Luna?” She said, tilting her head in confusion. “…Sam……She’s……not a femboy. Luna’s just a tomboy.”
‘A bitchy tomboy, but a tomboy nonetheless.’
“......oh……my God…” Sam spoke, covering her now pure red face in embarrassment.
At this point, Lincoln was completely flabbergasted. “Sam, I thought you two met in gym class…didn’t you both have to change in the locker room? How did you not know she was a girl?!”
“Well, with how self conscious she was….I uhhh well…..didn’t really see much…”
“……*Giggle*…”
“Don’t snicker at me!” Sam yelled in embarrassment.
“I’m not laughing at you…I’m laughing at Luna!” Lincoln said, no longer able to hold in his laughter. “I guess living with our sisters really did a number on her self esteem!” He chuckled as Sam blushed, making Cody snicker.
“Dude seriously? She thought your sister was a guy?” He laughed as Sam punched his shoulder. “It was a simple mistake, Cody!!”
“Sam, I think it stops being simple when you know her for over a year.”
“……*Snicker*……”
“Don’t join in with him!” Sam whined as her boyfriend tried and failed to stifle his laughter too.
“.....I should apologize to her…” Sam groaned as Lincoln wiped his eyes. “Yeah….maybe wait till she…calms down…”
“Calms down?”
“Yeah……that whole thing combined with how the whole town is treating us like pariahs……yeeaaah……probably gonna take a long while.” He said uneasily as Cody raised an eyebrow.
“Wait? What why’s that?” He asked. “Yeah, no. If I told you you probably won’t believe me.” Lincoln said as Cody chuckled.
“Dude, one of my friends turned into a feral weirdo and another one of my friends is engaged to a 10 ft. kaiju fashioned model, try me!” He said, putting on a tough face.
“Ok…ok…a psychotic scientist disguised himself as a candy maker to fill everyone with mind controlling sweets, turned everyone in this town against me and my family after I tried exposing him, burnt a mall down and killed over 20 people because my sisters were inside, caused my second oldest sister to be hospitalized and amputated, and possibly engaged in an intergalactic drug deal with aliens with disembodied floating heads.” Lincoln said all in one breath.
“...Wow… and here I thought the shit Chris put us through on Total Drama was batshit insane!”
“Told you.” Lincoln said as Sam was gobsmacked. “Damn Linc, I never knew you went through all that.” Sam spoke. “Well, at this point it feels like everyone either refuses to believe it, or is too stupid and ignorant to believe it. Seriously, the amount of people who I know believe me I can literally count on one hand.” Lincoln sighed as Sam placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t worry little buddy, we believe you! And if you need some backup lets us know, right Cody?” She said as Cody pulled out a piece of paper and wrote down his phone number. “Yeah! Here it’s my number. If you need some help, let us know!” He said, just as an ominous bolt of thunder tore through the sky.
“Uh oh, looks like rain! Better get home before it pours!” Lincoln said. “We’ll give you a ride home, Linc c’mon!” Sam spoke as she and Cody led Lincoln outside.
Lisa, Lynn and Lucy were huddled together among the crowd of panicking guests, temporarily hidden from the camera's view. “Okay you two know the plan?” Lisa said as her sisters both gave a nod. “Yeah! Let’s smash these nerds!” Lynn said, cracking her knuckles.
“Alright, Lynn, let’s go.” Lucy said as Lynn quickly stood up and made a beeline for the stage.
“HEY MAN-DORK!!!! IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A SCIENCE PROJECT!?” Lynn taunted as Mandark growled. “Hey! This plan we made is awesome! And how dare you mock me!?” He shouted over the intercom speakers angrily.
“Oh, I’m gonna mock you, Drippyhead!” Lynn taunted as she grabbed a random person's glasses and started doing a nasally, high pitch impression of him.
“Oh, I’m Mandark and I compensate for having a ballgina by being smart!!” She mocked as a few people (Dr. Wily included) started snickering.
“Ballg-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” Mandark yelled as Lucy snuck her way under the stage and stole the access card that was in Mandark’s back pocket.
‘Gotcha!’ She thought as she quickly and quietly crawled her way back out under everyone's legs and crouched next to Lisa. “Here.” She whispered, passing the card to Lisa as Lynn kept going.
“Thank you.” Lisa said as she made her way to the door and slowly slid the card into the reader which unlocked the door, allowing Lisa to quickly make her way out of the theater before running at full speed down the hall.
“Now to find a way to stop those two!” She said, panting heavily as she ran as fast as her tiny legs could go
Sam and Cody had dropped Lincoln off back at Dib and Gaz’s house at the young boys request. ‘I wonder if they really believe me, or were just trying to make me feel better about Leni.’ He thought with a frown as he walked up to the front door and gave a heavy knock, prompting Dib to open it for him. “Back already?” The big headed boy asked.
“Yeah… I am.” Lincoln said as he walked in and sat down and sighed. “Leni’s doing okay…..I just….I just wish she didn’t blame herself.” he said. “Wait, what the heck do mean ‘blame herself’?” Dib asked.
“...Leni told me she saw Pester when the mall burned down and ...now she thinks losing her legs is a punishment for not believing me.” He spoke sadly as he sat on the couch.
“Don’t worry Lincoln, I'm sure you’ll find a way to make her feel better.” Dib spoke…..as Gaz walked into the living room dripping wet and wearing only a towel and holding her phone.
“Yo Dib, I’m ordering a pizza, watcha want on it?” She spoke with zero shame as she took notice of Lincoln's blushing face.
“Knowing you, you’re just gonna put pineapple on it regardless of what I say……also PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, WE STILL HAVE A GUEST!!!!” He exclaimed while covering the white haired boy's eyes.
“Oh please, Dib, Snow White here just knows a sexy piece of ass when he sees one.” She said, rolling her eyes as Dib gagged.
“GAZ!!!!” He yelled in embarrassment, his hands unknowingly shifting just enough for Lincoln to see again. “Alright alright, just quit whining, bitch boy.” She said, stomping on Dib’s foot which caused him to let go of Lincoln’s eyes entirely as Gaz turned around and quickly flipped up the back of her towel, allowing him to quickly see her small smooth butt.
“YOW!” Dib exclaimed in pain while holding his now sore foot when he noticed a dark splotch on his pant leg. Looking up, he saw what his sister had done…and how Lincoln’s nose was gushing blood, his face was completely red and his eyes were practically seeing stars.
“GAZ!!!!” Dib shouted as she gave a chuckle and walked off with a teasing sway in her hips.
“...Dib?......would it be possible for me to sl-”
“Don’t even think about it!” Dib shouted, immediately following the boys train of thought before Lincoln fell face first into the table, his nose gushing more blood. ‘So…this is what it’s like for Clyde with Lori......wait did she just call me….Snow White?’ Lincoln thought as he quicly pulled out his phone and looked at what the text message said. ‘wait……the text…” He thought as his brain finally finished processing what he just saw, allowing him to realize Dib was frantically shaking him back to reality.
“LINCOLN, BUDDY! SPEAK TO ME!”
“………She sent that robot……”
“What?” Lincoln brushed Dib’s arms off his shoulders and wiped his nose. “Gaz…she sent that robot…” Lincoln said, confusing Dib.
“Wait, Gaz?.....dude, are you serious? She’s just a little girl.”
“A little girl who’s strong enough to rip out a tree by the roots… ’and possibly wants to jump my bones’ …and whose brother accidentally murdered thousands of people, created super roaches and tried to fend off aliens with detached heads.”
“Seriously! It was an accident! How was I supposed to know that pancake mix and rocket fuel would cause an explosion equal to that of a hydrogen bomb!?” Dib exclaimed while burying his face into his hands.
“Either way, Gaz was the one who sent that robot…only questions are where is it and why she did it?” Lincoln said as Dib shrugged. “Who knows…sure my sister is….scary… like REALLY scary, but she loves me…in her own way…I think.” Dib chuckled, nervously rubbing the back of his head.
“…Dude, if you don’t know if your own flesh and blood sister loves you, maybe that’s a sign you need family therapy of some sort.”
“Oh, we already tried that…the, uh…the therapist jumped out the window…” Dip spoke, embarrassed when they were suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door. “Great, hope he didn’t come back for round two.” Dib groaned he got up and slid the door open, revealing a tall buff guy in a delivery uniform with a small puffy afro under his hat and a black shirt with a star under his open delivery vest.
“Special delivery from Fish Stew Pizza! My name is Steven, your delivery boy! And as a special surprise for ordering our one millionth pizza, I’m required to sing a song!” He said as he handed Dib the pizza.
“You, you really don’t have to si-“
“All I wanna do is see you turn into a giant woman! A giant woman!” He sang, pulling a ukulele out of nowhere as Dib facepalmed all while Lincoln decided to go and find Gaz.
Lisa was running through the hallway trying to find a door that wasn’t locked.
“If I can just find a lab, I can make something to stop those two!” she said…until she heard an odd noise…the sound of several fists banging on a nearby closet door.
“....odd…” She muttered as she walked over and knocked on it. “Hello?” She called out as she tried to open the door. “Hmmmmm locked.” She muttered as she looked up, only to see Utonium’s face squished against the window of the door.
“Professor Utonium!” Lisa exclaimed as she tried to use the keycard to unlock the door, only for it to fail. “Blasted thing! What’re you doing in there?!” She questioned as Utonium slowly peeled his face off the glass. “It was Mandark! He had this machine with him and used it to throw us in here, literally!”
“Wait, ‘us’?” Lisa questioned as he gave a nod.
“Dexter, Noreen and I are all stuck inside of here, Lisa, you need to get us out of here!”
“I couldn’t! The card reader won’t register!”
“This door hasn’t been connected to the reader yet, you need to find the physical key!”
“Lift me up!”
Utonium looked down and vanished for a brief second before rising back up, holding Dexter up to the glass. “Elizabeth, I last remember seeing the facility keys in the room on the sixth floor we all met up in earlier today, though I do not remember exactly where in the room as I was late to arrive, but they are most likely still there!” Dexter exclaimed.
“All of you have nothing to worry about, I’ll retrieve those keys!” Lisa said as she quickly ran off.
“……She knows the stairwell was the other way, right?”
“Give it a minute.” Dr. Wakeman said off screen as Lisa reappeared and ran in the opposite direction. “You didn’t see that!” She quickly called out.
Lisa had made her way back to the meeting room she and the others had met up in after running up several flights of stairs. “Damn these accursed tiny legs! Puberty cannot arrive any faster!” She panted angrily as she entered the room and looked around for the keys. “Hmmm now, if I were a set of keys, were would I be?” Lisa mused as she then heard a yawn.
“Man! How long was I asleep for? I hope I didn’t miss the contest again!” A loud, scratchy Druselsteinian voice said as she saw a man with a mop of brown hair rise from a recliner and stretch, his back popping loudly several times before he hunched over.
“Doctor Heinz!” Lisa exclaimed as he looked down. “Oh hello Lisa!...where is everyone?” He asked as Lisa pinched the bridge of her nose and explained everything.
“What!? You mean to tell me….that jerky kid with the big head is named Susan!? And he’s not a crocodile!?” He exclaimed in pure shock.
“......Yes…anyway you think you can assist me in stopping Wily and Mandark before things get worse?”
“Of course I can, hands down, and I can use my newest invention to do so!” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a medium sized raygun with a pillow sticker on the side of it.. “BEHOLD MY SLEEP-INATOR RAY 45.99!” He declared loudly and somewhat maniacally as dramatic music played, seemingly out of nowhere.
“...What does it do?”
“Simple! One zap and it’ll make anyone fall asleep!.....hey look, a key!” He said, bending over and picking up the key Lisa needed to find. “Why was it under your chair?”
“I…I don’t know.” Doof said with a shrug. “Either way here, now let’s go and stop those two!”
“They shut down the elevator, so TO THE STAIRS!” Lisa exclaimed as Doof picked her up and started running to the door when they heard a strange sound, a sort of metallic hum. “Crap! They must’ve realized the auditorium door was unlocked!” Lisa exclaimed as the vents on the ceiling burst open and small robots covered in yellow hardhats flooded out armed with pick axes on their heads.
“What the heck are these, toys?!”
“I think Dr. Light was mass producing these for mining operations!” Lisa said as one threw a pickaxe at them, lodging it in the wall behind them as Doof just barely sidestepped it.
“Whoa!!”
“Either they’ve been enhanced by Dr. Wily, or Dr. Light made them too strong. Either way, RUN!” Lisa shouted as Doof took off running with the small girl under his arm like a football as the whore of small robots chased after them throwing pickaxes.
Lisa and Doof ran for their lives and soon saw the doorway leading to the stairwell. “We’re almost there! Just a few more seconds!” Lisa exclaimed as another pickaxe flew past them. “I think we need to have a word with Tom about his production of robots!” Doof panted tiredly as he wiped his brow. “Hmmm, Heiz, if we catch one of those robots we can use it to bust down the doors to free others possibly trapped in the building.”
“I don’t think they’re gonna give us a chance!” Doof said as he threw his shoulder against the stairwell door, throwing it open as he and Lisa hid behind it, completely obscured in the corner as they saw the robots start coming in…and immediately start tumbling down the stairs, many of them breaking either from the repeated falling or being impaled by a pickaxe during their fall. “…Well thank goodness for whoever installed this door to open towards the stairs.” Lisa sighed as she picked up a nearby pickaxe. “Heinz, take the key and get the others free! I’ll distract those robots!” Lisa said, handing him back the key.
“Alright! You just leave this to me!” Doof said as they pushed the door back closed. “They’re locked in a storage room somewhere on the second floor, Wily and Mandark are down in the auditorium, hopefully they haven’t decided to make examples out of their hostages.” She said under her breath as he handed her his Sleep-INATOR.
“Here take my Sleep-inator! You never know when it’l come in handy!” he smiled before slowly maneuvering around the now broken robots.
Lincoln made his way upstairs in the membrane household and saw a door with a sign hanging on it.
[Gaz’s room]
[Enter at your risk]
Lincoln could hear the sounds of loud music on the other side of the door and breathed a sigh and knocked on the door and after about 30 seconds, he heard the music turning down and saw the door opening.
“What’s up, dude?” Gaz spoke wearing a slightly oversized purple T shirt and pink panties, the sight of which made him blush.
“Uhhhhhhh….Gaz…..so….that robot and that message….why’d you send it?” Lincoln asked as he saw her walking over to him with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk. “So you’re not as dumb as my brother.” She said while walking back into her room over to a nearby treadmill and stretching her leg, prompting Lincoln to look away in embarrassment. ‘Don’t look, Lincoln, you are NOT a pervert!’ He told himself mentally. “To answer your question as to why I sent that robot, it’s simple….I didn’t want to see you and him get killed.” She said simply as she dropped her leg and sauntered over to him. “Get the picture?” She asked as the neck hole of his shirt slowly slid down her shoulder, making his blush deeper.
“Uhhhhhh… I should go…” He stammered as she quickly closed the door. “What’s the rush?” She asked, her normally monotone-like voice bearing a teasing edge to it as she sauntered closer to him, prompting him to back up until he was up against the wall with only a foot of space between him and Gaz as she placed an arm on either side of his head, preventing him from moving to the side as she smirked and slowly closed the gap, roughly pressing her lips against the white haired boys as she slowly unzipped his pants and began to slowly rub his dick.
“Heh not bad, Snow White.” She smirked while giving him a small squeeze, making him freeze up as his brain went into overdrive trying to process what the actual fuck was happening right now
‘Okay, calm down, Loud, you’re probably about to lose your V card to a cute yet terrifying emo girl you’ve known for two days, so calm the fuck down!!’ Lincoln thought as he saw Gaz get on her knees and pull his pants down a bit while fishing out his decent sized rod. “Not bad for a guy your age.” She teased him with a grin as she began gently kissing his shaft before giving it a slow teasing lick, making him let out a soft moan from the new sensation he was now feeling for the first time.
“Oh yeah, get ready for the main event!” She told him with a smirk as she started to slowly suck his tip, swirling her tongue around it in a counter-clockwise direction
“Ugh…Gaz!...” Lincoln moaned, feeling his limit reach as without warning he busted inside of her mouth. Gaz slowly pulled away as she swallowed down her mouthful of his load and smirked. “A minute man, huh? No worries, we’ll work on that.” She chuckled as she wiped her mouth and stood up. “Ok…..time for me to go…” He said as she grabbed him by his shirt. “I don’t think so!” She exclaimed as she pulled him onto her bed, his shirt, pants, underwear and shoes flying across the room, along with her shirt and panties.
“Alright, Loud, you can do this.” Lisa said to herself as she stood in front of the auditorium doors, a pickaxe in one hand and the Sleep-INATOR in the other.
Raising her foot, Lisa kicked down the door.
“ALRIGHT WILY, HANDS UP!!!” She shouted….as she saw Doofenshmirtz was standing on top of a pile of robots and a tied up Wily and Mandark.
“Hey everyone! Lisa’s here!!” He shouted as they all cheered happily. “How…How the heck did you get here before me?!” She said in absolute disbelief. “And where are the other doctors?”
“Oh that’s simple!” He said, creating a ripple dissolve….
“Uhhhh Lisa, he does know we can’t see that right?” Lynn Sr. asked, referring to the flashback Doof was having. “And that’s how I swooped in to save the day!” He smiled. “……anyways…where are the other doctors?” Lisa asked.
.“Oh right! I nearly forgot to free them!” He chuckled as he quickly ran out of the auditorium, but not before turning around and explaining everything.
“So yeah all of this was Lisa’s plan! She told me the plan to stop these two while she freed the others so you all have her to thank!” Heinz announced to the crowd, who then started clapping for her making Lisa blush.
“Yeah!!!”
“Alright!!”
“That’s my sister right there!!” Lana shouted happily as they all stood up and gave Lisa a standing ovation all the while Dr. Light was untied by Rock and Roll, the former looking over to the third robot currently lying on the ground with his legs crossed and his arm hanging behind his back.
“LISA! LISA! LISA!!” The crowd cheered happily as the doors to the auditorium were flung open and Dexter and the others, along with Professor Slopsink all walked up onto the stage. “Zhank you, young lady!” Slopsink said with a bow to the small child as he took the microphone and tapped on it.
“Everyone, I zink ve can alree on who zhould be zhis yearz vinner?” He said as the crowd cheered louder for Lisa. “Dezxter, if you vould?” He spoke to the smaller boy genius who pulled a remote out of his pocket and pressed a button, causing a small hole to open in the middle of the stage and a huge trophy to slowly rise up from the ground. “I believe this years trophy is yours.” The ginger scientist said with respect in his voice as he kissed Lisa’s hand…something Lori managed to take a picture of.
“Oh my!” Lisa spoke, blushing harder as Slopsink turned to Mandark and Wily.
“Az for you two? You are both fired!!” He yelled, making their ears ring. “Ze polize are currently on zeir vay.” He spoke, crossing his arms as he glared at Wily and Mandark.
“Oh please, the cops can’t catch me!!!” Wily exclaimed as he lifted his foot, showing a red button in the heel, and slammed his foot down on it as a loud VERY VERY annoying whirring noise was heard as the back wall was crashed down as a massive blue UFO was shown floating inside as a huge mechanical hand grabbed both Wily and Mandark, the latter of which was only because they were tied together.
“WILY-CAPSULE, AWAY!!!” He screamed as it pulled them inside and closed itself up, letting out a series of ear bleeding sounds, disorienting everybody as it flew away.
“....huh…..well that just happened.” Dr. Wakeman spoke, uncovering her ears which were still ringing from that awful sound.
*4 Hours later*
The Louds were getting ready to go home as Lynn and Luan were placing Lisa’s massive trophy in the cargo hold of Vanzilla.
“Al….most got it!!”
“I’m telling you…it’s too…frickin’…big!”
“As long as you…believe…it’ll fit!”
“Nggh! That’s…what…she said!” Lynn said with a grin.
While this was going on Lisa was talking with professor Slopsink as well as three other people.
“LIza allow me to introduze to you our new teacherz! Zusan und Mary Tezt! Zhey are former ztudentz from my time in univerzity!” He said proudly as he jestured to two teenagers. The first one was taller and thinner than her sister by a few inches and had thin lips, pale skin and long, bright red hair that was brushed completely straight and had a star shaped hair clip on the side of her head. She wore the standard labcoat of any self respecting scientist, thick black square shaped glasses, a blue shirt with a matching star emblem on the chest, a black skirt, knee high socks and black dress shoes. Her sister was a bit shorter but a bit more filled out in certain ‘areas’, had more full lips and a deep tan. Her hair was more a darker crimson compared to her sisters neon red, and was more stylized, with the back being pulled into a long wavy ponytail held by a crescent shaped hair clip. She wore a labcoat, much like her sister, and wore a shirt with an emblem on the chest, albeit hers was yellow with a moon emblem. Her glasses were thinner and crescent-shaped, and instead of a skirt and dress shoes, she opted to wear boys jeans and green converse shows instead.
“A pleasure to meet you both!” Lisa smiled, shaking their hands. “Likewise, Miss Lisa, we're happy to be here!” Mary smiled sweetly.
Lisa then turned to the taller man with short length black hair wearing a white suit with a red tie and yellow undershirt.
“Und this iz former talk show hozt and currently vorld class scientist; Mizter Thaddeus bach!” Slopsink spoke as the taller man had to crouch and shake Lisa’s hand. “Well hello there, young lady.” He said in an unintentionally seductive, deep, masculine voice with a friendly smile.
“It’s a pleasure, Mr. Bach.” She said as she heard the horn honk for Vanzilla. “Lisa c’mon!! Mom and dad are treating us to Nasty Burger!!” Lana shouted. “I’ll be there in a minute!” She called out. “Apologies. But I must take my leave.” Lisa said, giving a short bow and rushing over to her family’s van.
Lincoln’s hair was messy, his face was covered in dark purple lipstick kiss marks and he zipped his pants back up as he made his way downstairs……...only to see Dib now singing with the pizza delivery guy who was jamming out on a ukulele.
“STROOOONG IN THE REAL WAY!!!!” Dib sang as Lincoln gave a confused look. “STRONG IN…the…..reaaaal….way…” He said as he and Steven both stared at Lincoln.
“Oops! Hehehehe I…uhhhhh guess we got lost in the groove.” Steven chuckled embarrassed while Dib stared at Lincoln with wide eyes. “I…I should just…go…” Steven said as he handed Dib the pizza box as well as three other boxes of pizza. “Yeah, given I was here for longer than 30 minutes, take these next few pies for free….soooo see ya!” He said, sensing the awkward tension in the air while closing the door behind him.
“.....Lincoln?.....did you fuck my sister?” Dib asked with an annoyed eye twitch.
“Dib…….did you know the camera in the corner of the living room caught everything you two did and Gaz can upload it all to the internet any time she wants?” Lincoln spoke after a while with an overly cocky smirk.
“........Let’s never speak of this again.”
“Never speak of what again?”
“Exactly.” Dib said with a nod.
“I think I need to lie down for a while. I…can’t really feel my legs that well……” Lincoln said with a hefty sigh
Professor Pester was shown walking towards a bookshelf in his office with his Ruffians by his side.
“Ruffians! The time has come to check up on Project T.U.F.F!” He exclaimed as he pulled out a book, which opened a secret door which led to massive dark room Pester took a step into the darkness as a path of lights began to appear with each step as he made his way downward into a massive underground facility and passed numerous containment cages filled with what looked like people…at a glance.
Pester had nothing but a look of cold indifference towards several of them as most backed away in fear of him while others just glared in hatred.
The first that he passed by was a rather skinny man with long, thick, matted black-grey hair and a beard in just as bad condition, wearing the remnants of a suit, and with a bulky copper/golden machine replacing his right forearm.
“Well now, Van Kleiss…what did we learn from the other day?” Pester smirked as the man gave a frown and refused to answer as Pester scowled. “I said what did we learn from the other day!?” Pester yelled pulling a lever which caused the cage he was in to violently electrocute him, making him scream in pain as the others in each of the cages all flinched and backed away in fear.
“....al…ways…..follow….orders!” He growled in agony.
“Good boy!....now then, next time I tell you to make sure the police aren’t suspicious of me…do it!” Pester spoke as he walked past the next containment cage.
The second one was a rather short pale Asian girl who, despite being at least 15, was only 4’07”. Her hair was black and stringy, obscuring her eyes as she struggled to break free from the chains latched to her arms and covering her hands, of which she had four, with her primary pair being much larger in the forearm area, while moths slowly ate away at her tattered schoolgirl uniform.
Pester pulled another lever, allowing the girl to fall to the floor and pushed a button which made a bowl of oatmeal fall in front of her. The girl gasped and crawled over and began to shovel the food into her mouth with the only hand she was allowed to have free..
The third was just about the opposite of the second girl, nearly 6 feet tall and with an unnaturally natural tan complexion despite her living conditions. Her white hair, unlike the others, was completely clean and well maintained, kept completely out of her bright pink eyes, and her clothes, consisting of a large thick nightgown, were in completely perfect condition. Even her cell was in far better conditions than the others, with a carpet and a neatly made bed, it even had a small TV on a dresser and a shutter on the other side of the bars to block out sound from the outside.
As Pester walked past her, he gave a rather genuine smile and waved to her, smiling even more as she waved back.
The fourth that he passed, instead of a regular cell, was a massive aquarium filled with salt water with a singular figure inside, chained to the floor of the tank. She was completely nude, and had an extremely feminine figure, the majority of her smooth-looking skin was a bright red, with the front of her body, her face, and inner thighs being a stark white. Her hands and feet were webbed and clawed, and her head had a massive tail that grew out from the back of it. She flinched when she saw Pester and the Ruffian’s walk back, worried that she would be electrocuted next, but she gave a sigh of relief when he simply passed her.
Pester continued his walked as he came across a massive containment cage and inside was a boy who looked to be in his mid teens with long blonde hair and piercing yellow eyes with soulless black pupils ripping into a hunk of rotting bloody meat with shark like teeth as he snarled and devoured the food.
“Hey! Stop all that noise and eat like you have some manners!!” Pester chastised as the boy turned to him with a growl his body, although skinny and frail like, was a stark contrast to his brute strength as the deep gashes along the metal walls would show the boy stood up his exposed ribcage actually a massive set of gills let out a frustrated breath as he clenched his clawed hands in rage at the man in his sights.
“Now now, young Viral….there’s no need for attitude. I wouldn’t want to have to get the duct tape again, now would I?” Pester smirked as the now named VIral flinched and looked away with annoyance making Pester smirk.
“That’s a good boy. Now, be sure to eat your food quietly or else!” The cruel doctor spoke as he kept walking and passed another containment cage and inside was a smaller, younger boy, no older than eight, with ash colored hair wearing a dark blue shirt and khaki shorts, his eyes fully whited out as he sat huddled in a corner fearing for his life.
“So…how is my little decayer today?” Pester spoke as the boy said nothing. “Awwww, no speaking, huh? Very well then…no dinner for you for the next three weeks. Maybe a little starvation will teach you better than to disrespect me!” He said as he and the Ruffians walked off, leaving the boy alone as he began to cry and grip his shirt as it started to briefly flake off.
The last containment cage contained what looked to be a grown that was nine feet taller then Pester himself as he was punching a training dummy covered in claw marks.
“Well well well…I see you’re getting in some exercise.” Pester smirked as the man-like figure turned to him and stared at him with sharp yellow eyes and hellfire red pupils. “One must keep their strength up after all..Master.” He spoke in a deep voice as Pester smirked. “Indeed keep up the good work and you’ll be prompted to be my bodyguard.” Pester said with a cruel, yet proud grin.
Pester continued his walk until he came across a wide open space filled with numerous large vats and he saw a black man with a high top fade wearing a labcoat, a business suit and thin glasses typing away at a computer.
“Bibster my old friend!” Pester exclaimed, prompting him to ball his hand into a fist.
“It’s…Baxter…” He said through gritted teeth before taking in a deep breath and turning to the masked man.
“Right, what did I say? Whatever so….how is our little project?” Pester asked as he watched a massive blob in a tube. “It’s almost ready, I just need the D.N.A. from a great pyrenees as well as a pitbull terrier!” Baxter exclaimed as Pester noticed the D.N.A. list of every dog species on earth…as well as one other thing.
“Uhhhh Buster?....what is..THAT?” Pester asked, pointing to the one red square amongst the sea of green ones.
“One: it's…Baxter! And two…yeah goat DNA…it stabilizes the mixture…I honestly don’t know why.” He admitted in embarrassment.
Before Pester could ask any more, a loud alarm siren went off as he and Baxter looked at the screen and saw that one of the containment cages was opened and a lone woman was seen running down the halls.
“Ugh, seriously? Another escapee?” Pester sighed as he pulled out a remote that had a speaker in it, and pressed another button, slowly opening a singular cell and simultaneously closing the shutter on the silver haired girls ‘cell’. “Tai Lung? Be a sport and hunt down that woman, and bring her to us, would you?” He spoke to the man from earlier, who stepped into the light as the door to his cage fully opened revealing a massive snow leopard in baggy brown pants.
“It would be my pleasure.” He smirked as he cracked his knuckles and got on all fours before running through the building like a bullet, his nose guiding him to his target as he let out a loud prideful roar.
The woman from the footage was shown running for her life as she held something in her arms. ‘Need to find the exit!!’ She thought as she gasped when Tai Lung jumped down in front of her, causing her to fall backwards onto the floor.
“Going somewhere?” He smirked as he grabbed her by the hair and painfully dragged her to Pester and Stockman.
“Here she is, as you requested.” He said, throwing her down. “Excellent work, Tai Lung! You’ll have free reign of the lab for the next 3 days as your reward.” Pester spoke as the snow leopard gave a small bow. “A great honor.” He said as Pester took more notice of the woman who had dark tan skin and tiger like stripes going up her arms and legs as well as the feline ear on top of her jet black hair and the striped tail on her backside and smirked.
“Now Now….Sienna……You really should know better.” Pester said as he shook his head. “...You can’t treat us like this! You monster!! We deserve to be free!!” She shouted as Pester ignored her and noticed the moving bundle in her arms. “Oh, what’s this?” He said snapping his fingers as Tai Lung snatched the bundle and saw it was…a baby. “Master…she has a child!” He said as Pester shook his head. “Oh my, someone’s had too much fun with their cagemate, I see…oh well, Tai Lung…toss it in with the others.” Pester said as the snow leopard took the crying child and tossed it into a nearby vat as Pester forced Sienna to watch as her child slowly dissolved into a skeleton, and then nothingness.
“...no…you….you….” She said as flexed her hands pushing out razor thin claws. “YOU MONSTER!!!!!!” She roared as she found herself getting knocked out by Tai Lung.
“Hmmmm now, what to do with her?” Baxter spoke as they all heard the sounds of more footsteps entering the room.
“Allow me to have her.” A cold voice rang out as a woman with ghost white skin with black cracks all over her face and body, snow white hair tied up in a bun, deathly black eyes with blood red pupils wearing a lab coat and white heels and teal surgical gloves approached them.
“Doctor Salem! So nice of you to join us” Pester said as he gave Tai Lung a nod and he handed off Sienna to the woman.
“She will be perfect for my experiments.” She spoke with a small, but very cold smile that sent shivers through everyone's spines.
Salem walked off with her new victim in tow as Tai Lung left Pester and Stockman alone. “Now then Boobstink!”
“BAXTER!!!”
“Let us commence phase 2 of our plan, shall we?” Pester smirked as Baxter typed away at his computer and pulled up a picture of a familiar looking Boston Terrier napping on the stairs of a very familiar looking house.
Notes:
Geo: So……Nobody expected to see Salem from RWBY, huh?...yes, in this story, she’s not the same Mommy Salami we all know and love, instead she’s a cold hearted mad scientist who works for Pester…yes, you read that right, SHE WORKS FOR PESTER and not the other way around! And yes, the only reason the issue with Mandark and Wily was rushed was because we(Red: He means himself) couldn’t think of a proper way to end it. So yeah, Doof saved the day! Now, I bet you’re wondering why we did all this at the end with Pester, right? Well, it was to show despite bing goofy, he’s the Main Villain for a reason! And I know what you’re gonna say ‘if Pester has access to Tai Lung, why doesn’t he use him to go after Lincoln?’ Easy; Pester is like Dr. Eggman, he’d rather make a show out of superiority before ending his enemies off, those he sees beneath him he’ll get rid of instantly, after all I did tell you all that Pester was most similar to the Archie Version of Dr. Eggman in terms of personality, didn’t I? So yeah, he’s starting to show that side of himself off now! Anyways, next time, well you saw the episode list(Red: If you’re on FFN) Lincoln Luan and Benny go the Jester festival! Oh ,before we go leave in the comments who you think each of Pester’s victims ,we didn’t namedrop are some of them seem familiar some not so much also try and guess who Thaddeus is.
Chapter 6: The Fool’s Accord
Notes:
Yo Guys Geo here and Welcome back to Loud House'23! In this Chaoter we FINALLY getbsome much needed Lore about the world and even get a rather.....dark Hint at what's to come oh yeah Trust me when I say.....Things are gonna get REAL.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
*2 weeks after the previous chapter*
“Hmmmmm, let’s see…whoopie cushions? Check. Joy buzzer? Check! I wonder if I’m missing anything?” Luan muttered as she stuffed her stuff in a duffel bag as she hefted it over her shoulder.
“Oh well, I guess I can leave without it then.” She smiled while turning to the door with a smile on her face. ‘I have a good feeling about today.’ She thought while opening the door, only to catch sight of a short figure covered in black ooze and white feathers waddling to the bathroom.
“Lincoln! What happened to you!?” Luan exclaimed as Lincoln gave a sigh.
“Ugh…Chandler and his asskissing lackeys jumped me and then slathered me in tar and feathers! Ugh all because I ‘ruined’ the food truck venue at school yesterday!” Lincoln exclaimed annoyedd while suddenly coughing as he pulled a long wet feather out of his mouth, shuddering as he rubbed his throat. “Well, you did kind of ruin it by taking the blocks out from in front of the wheels of that one truck…” Luan said while looking away as he glared at her.
“Oh come on, Luan! I had to do it, Pester was going to place gunpowder in the nacho sauce and I had to make sure he didn’t get anyone sick, or worse killed! Plus it’s not my fault he didn’t put the truck in stop.” Lincoln defended as he looked through the bathroom cabinet to try and find something to remove the tar.
Luan could only pinch the bridge of her nose. “Ugh…Lincoln please, I can’t deal with your craziness today.”
“I am NOT crazy!” He exclaimed angrily as his movements started to get more stiff with each second. “Whoop, tar’s hardening! Nevermind that. Like I said, I’m not crazy, Luan! I wish more than just two people in my family would believe me! Seriously, I would’ve thought you of all people would have my back with this!” He said with a glare before waddling over to the stairs. “I think I might need a knife to get this stuff off.” He grumbled bitterly.
“*Sigh* Don’t worry, Lincoln, I have some Tar-B-Gone under my bed” Luan said, shaking her head as she pulled out a large black bottle out from a box beneath the bunk bed. Grabbing his now completely stiffened arm, she pulled him into her room and ripped off as much feathers as she could from his shoulder before ripping the cork out with her teeth and gently pouring it on his shoulder, causing the almost solidified tar to become more liquified as she quickly put a used towel beneath him as it ran off his arm with a loud wet plop.
“Thanks, Luan….wait a sec…why do you even have that?”
“Duh! The tar and feather thing was one of my first pranks, of course I’d have this.” Luan said like it was obvious as she gently started pulling feathers off of his head, scattering them all over the floor as she gently poured more of the bottle on his head. “You may need a shower or three after this, this stuff is gonna stain everything.” She told him as she grabbed at the tar on the top of his head and gently pulled down, making Lincoln yelp in pain as it came off with a lot of resistance, clinging to his face as she threw it on the towel, looking at his now red face and dark gray hair. “Maybe five showers…”
Lincoln grumbled as he noticed the duffle bag. “Hey Luan what’s with the bag?”
“Hmm? Oh, I’m going out of town for the day with Benny to a festival. We’re competing in a ‘Jester Fest.’”
“A what fest?”
“Jester Fest! Or a Jester’s Festival! It’s a bi-annual event held in Hazeltuckey, where some of the best pranksters and comedians come and go!” She exclaimed happily. “It’s gonna be my first time being at one! First place gets a cash reward and front row tickets to a new comedy show, and Benny and I are aiming for it!” Luan exclaimed as Lincoln sighed.
“Any chance I can go with you? After what happened yesterday, I could use a break.” He said as Luan thought it over.
“Well…okay but you need to promise none of that crazy Pester doohickey stuff, okay?” She said, sounding more serious that he’d ever heard her be in his life. “Uh-“
“I’m serious, Lincoln. This is really important to me, I don’t want this stuff going on with you to ruin what I have with Benny…I’ve never had someone like him in my life…”
“I……I promise Luan.” He sighed as she kissed his forehead. “Thanks, little bro!”
“……Can you keep using that stuff? I can’t move my legs anymore…” He said while slowly falling backwards motionless, save for his one arm which had been freed at the shoulder.
*A few hours later*
“Lincoln? You ok in there?” Luan asked from outside the bathroom as the door opened just a little and he poked his head out, his hair wet and still gray. “Nothing’s working, that tar and the remover won’t come out.”
“Hmm…well, you could always just grow it out and cut it?” She suggested as he pulled his head back in and closed the door. “It really doesn’t look that bad.” She told him as she heard the shower shut off. A few seconds later, Lincoln exited the bathroom with a towel around his waist, his forearms, neck and face still red like they’d been rubbed raw. “I’m being for real, I think the gray hair looks nice.” She told him with a tone that conveyed genuinity.
“Yeah…I guess…” He sighed as she followed him to his room, once again waiting outside as he looked for something to wear. ‘When she said that stuff stains, she really meant it.’ He thought as he looked at his orange polo, jeans and shoes, all of which had been permanently stained gray or black from the tar. ‘At least my shoes look new.’ He thought somewhat optimistically. Shaking his head, he rummaged through his dresser for something new to wear. Reaching the bottom, he raised an eyebrow. ‘I think I saw Pop Pop wear this in an old photo in our family album.’ He thought while pulling out the shirt. ‘It looks about my size, maybe a bit bigger…eh, what the heck.’
Luan waited outside her brother's bedroom when she heard the door open. Turning around, she saw Lincoln was now wearing a buttoned up orange and gray checkered long sleeved flannel, instead of his usual polo, that had its sleeves rolled up and was tucked into a slightly baggy pair of gray cargo pants, along with his now gray shoes.
“Oooh Nice outfit, Lincoln” Luan smiled, making him blush a little as she ran a hand through his gray hair. ‘Dang, it even got on his eyebrows!’ She thought. “Come on, Benny’s parents will be here in a few minutes.” She told him as she grabbed her bag and headed downstairs as Lincoln followed her.
Lincoln and Luan were in front of their house waiting for Benny's parents to pick them up. “Hey wait….shouldn’t you tell mom and dad you're going with me?” Luan asked as Lincoln sighed. “Nah after what happened last week in that waffle house, I’m fine with NOT telling them anything.” He said with an unpleasant shudder. “I can’t believe it got closed down for a month.”
“After what happened, I’m surprised it’s only for a month.” Luan said while looking down the road expectantly.
“....Luan?...Why is it so hard for you to believe me?” Lincoln asked her with a frown as Luan looked down. “…I just…It just seems a bit…outlandish…you know?”
“Luan…we live with a five year old child who is in kindergarten, yet also is a Harvard graduate that has several dozen PhD’s and has a literal science lab for a bedroom.” Lincoln explained as Luan sighed.
“Look, Lincoln, all those things are stuff we see on a daily basis, and this whole ‘Pester’ delusion sounds way too crazy to actually be real. Plus this isn’t the first time you said something was weird about someone and it turned out wrong. Remember when Mr. Sipple moved in last week and you thought he was a homicidal ax murderer?”
“Hey, you can’t fault me for that one, Luan. You saw that mugshot on the news, too, and he looked just like it!!”
“My point still stands, Lincoln.” Luan said as Lincoln frowned. “Please, just try and keep your craziness to yourself today.” Luan said as the steins pulled up in their car, prompting both siblings to stand up. “Do NOT call me crazy!” He said with a sudden growl that took her by surprise. “I already get enough of that crap at school, I don’t need it from you guys, too.” He muttered, turning away as he descended the porch steps.
Lincoln was in the back seat with Luan and Benny…who were immensely making out, like REALLY sucking face, with drool and saliva dripping down their chins as they very vocally engaged in deep tongue french kissing. The sight and sound of which……made Lincoln uncomfortable, even moreso was the fact that Benny’s parents weren’t even reacting to the noises the two were making.
‘Why me?...why always me?’ Lincoln thought as they finally stopped making out. “So Lincoln, what made you decide to join us?” Benny’s mother asked him. “Oh, you know…just wanted some time away from my family for a bit…it gets a bit…suffocating at times…” He said with a shudder as he realized the two of them were frenching now.
“Oh well…I suppose everyone needs a break from their family every once and a while.” she chuckled as Lincoln noticed that Benny was a brunette while his dad was blonde and his mom had black hair. He opened his mouth to ask about it when the car came to a stop in a filled parking lot.
“We’re here, kids!” his dad as Benny and Luan stopped kissing and hopped out the car.
“Hey Benny?....Don’t answer this if it’s too personal but...why do your parents have different hair from you? Do you dye your hair?” He asked him as he ran a hand through his hair. “Well, my grandpa had brown hair when he was younger, I probably got it passed down from him.” Benny explained as he and Luan carried their stuff into the venue and made their way to a tent filled with others who were happily chatting away.
“Wow, so this is the Jester Fest huh?” Lincoln said looking around and seeing rides and carnival games for all the guests and food trucks scattered across the area. “They have a roller coaster! And a ferris wheel!!” Luan exclaimed, wide eyed and excited like a little kid getting a puppy.
“I wonder what we should do first?” Lincoln said as he heard a loud girl scream….that came from Benny who was standing in front of a trophy that was literally as tall as him with sparkles in his eyes.
“The great golden whoopie cushion! Every prankster here dreams of earning it through their own merits!” Luan said as she and Lincoln walked over.
“Yes! And today that victory shall belong to me!!!” A voice shouted behind them as Luan saw it was a boy with reddish black hair wearing black-red tinted sunglasses and wearing a black T-shirt with a red stripe on the side and blue jeans.
“Ugh what do you want Obknotnik?” Luan grumbed as the boy frowned. “That’s Robotnik!!” he growled as Luan smirked.
“Lincoln, this is-“
“Please, I am perfectly capable of introducing myself to the one I assume is your younger brother…My name is Ivo J. Robotnik, the youngest pranking genius in the world!” He said with a great deal of pride in his voice as he took an overdramatic bow.
“It’s..ummm…nice to meet you” Lincoln said as they shook hands. “I admit, your sister's pathetic pranks are impressive, but this time I shall be the one to take the gold, and she and her prissy boyfriend-
“Hey!”
“- will be the ones to taste defeat or my name isn’t-”
“Ivy sweetie, where are you?” A sweet voice chimed out as Ivo facepalmed. “Oh crack me like an egg…” He grumbled under his voice and balled his fist before taking a deep breath and turning around. “I’m here, grandmother!” He sighed as a woman with short cut platinum blonde hair pale yet also tanned skin as well as a…..very pointy nose wearing a blue tank top and pink skirt walked up to him and hugged him tightly. “Oh, sweetie, I’m glad I found you!...Oh, who’re your friends?”
“Grandmother, they are not my friends, they are my nemesiseseses…and one girl’s brother.” He said with a growl, followed by a deadpan expression as he referred to Lincoln like he didn’t matter.
“Oh nonesense, Ivy, enemies are just friends you haven’t met!” She smiled, shaking Luan’s hand. “Nice to meet you, I'm Fifi Robotnik.” She smiled in a sweet tone that felt like it’d give her Diabetes. “Uh…I’m Luan…” She responded a bit uncomfortably as a phone went off. “Oops! That’s the office, come along Ivy, you can play with your friends later!” Fifi smiled as Ivo felt his eye twitch as he looked at Luan. “This is not over!”
“Yeah sure it isn’t, Robuttnik.” Luan quipped with a snicker as he marched away from them angrily, grumbling under his breath.
“Sheesh what’s his deal?” Lincoln asked as Luan snickered. “Don’t mind him, Lincoln, he’s just mad that he’ll lose the annual prankster contest this year. He probably wasn’t expecting to run into us here since we’ve never been at Jester Fest before.”
“How do you even know him?”
“Oh, we go to school together, I think he sort of sees me as a prank rival…even though I’m totally on a whole other level than him.” Luan said with a hint of pride in her voice
Ivo was sulking around the fairgrounds with a massive corndog in his hand as his grandmother was checking out the booths. ‘Damn it, Loud! This is supposed to be MY big event this year!! I won’t let you or your fat buck teeth one up me again!’ He thought, grinding his teeth as he bit into his corndog…that is, until he noticed something from behind a nearby stage.
“Hmmm?” He mused as he walked over and looked under the stage and saw someone.
“Hey!” He shouted as the person gasped. “Who are you and how did you find me!?” They growled as Ivo rolled his eyes. “I could see you..” He spoke as the person facepalmed. “I figured as much…wait a sec…you’re Ivo Robotnik, one of the contestants!” They said as Ivo smirked. “Ahh so my reputation precedes me?”
“No, I know you cause you’re the five year long loser of this event.” They spoke in a deadpan tone as Ivo deflated bitterly
“Did you have to word it that way?” He asked sadly as the person rolled their eyes. “Hmmm, perhaps we can help each other… what if I told you I was the guest speaker for this event and in exchange for helping you win…you owe me a favor?”
Ivo paused and considered the pros and cons. On the one hand, he detested having to resort to cheating just to win…but on the other hand, he would finally have something to rub in Luan Loud’s face…
“……I’m listening……”
Lincoln, Luan and Benny were having a great time riding rides eating snacks and puking out said snacks in the process.
“I told you it was a bad idea to go on a spinning ride after eating all that food, Luan.” Lincoln groaned, his face green as he gargled and then spat a mouthful of water into a trash can. “…but… it was still pretty awesome!” He groaned with a chuckle before holding back another gag, clinging to the rim if the can in case he blew as Luan and Benny sat down on a bench to breathe and rest
“So…excited for the contest?” Benny chuckled, holding her hand. “Of course! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us to show off what we did last week! The people are gonna love it!” Luan laughed as she and Benny watched as a massive food truck wheeled in numerous cream pies. “Ooh, who wants to go for more food?” Luan said excitedly and Lincoln held his uneasy stomach. “Ugh…I don’t think I can eat any more…”
“Easy there, tiger, just go sit down while Benny and I go on the love boats!” She said while giving her boyfriend a sly grin as they held hands and walked away from Lincoln, who still hadn’t moved from the trash can.
“Ugh why me?” He groaned as he kept throwing up.
“Here, take a few of these!” A friendly voice said as a pale hand popped out to his right holding some white gummies in front of him. “Their antacids, I always keep some in case my stomach acts up!” He heard her say as he turned around to see an asian girl, around the same age as him, wearing a blue sweater and black leggings under her small shorts, with pale skin and long blonde hair with a few strands of black peppered around that also covered one of her bright blue eyes, with the other side kept free with a rainbow colored hair clip and the top covered with a white beanie and a pair of headphones around her neck that had a sticker of a chibi bunny head on the right speaker.
“Oh!......thanks” Lincoln spoke with a small blush on his face as he took the tablets. “They’re chewy so no water needed.” She said with a smile as he chewed on some and swallowed while taking a deep breath. “Have I…seen you somewhere before?” He asked, taking a small breath. “I feel like I’ve seen you in Royal Woods before.”
“No, I’m from here, actually. My folks run a small knick knack shop here in Hazeltuckey. I’m Fynn.” She said, holding out a hand as he pulled her sweater sleeve back a little, showing her hand which had a black fingerless silicone glove that looked covered in ringed ridges as he took it and shook. “I’m…Lincoln.” He got out, still breathing uneasily as he felt slightly better than before.
“So, Lincoln, are you here to join in the contest?” she asked with a smile. “Well, no. I’m here to support my sister. She’s entering with her boyfriend…plus I kind of just needed a chance to get out of the house for a bit…” He said
“Oh…that’s cool, so did I, honestly. Mom and dad are having an argument again and they suggested I come to the carnival.” She chuckled as Lincoln finally stopped holding onto the trash can, feeling good enough to not need to hover over it anymore. “Again?”
“Yeah…they kinda argue over dumb little things, ya know?” Fynn said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Anyway….so you wanna go on a roller coaster?” There aren’t a lot of people heading for it and it’s more fun having someone screaming next to you.”
“…Eh, why not? It’s the only thing I haven't been on yet.” He chuckled. “Well, aside from that love tunnel thing.”
“Let’s go!” Fynn said as Lincoln followed closely behind his new friend.
“I’m so sorry, Leni…I’ll try to come back and visit when school lets out on Monday.” Leni heard Dana say faintly, lost in her own thoughts as she stared out her hospital room’s window as her friend looked at her with a frown and hesitantly left the room, gently closing the door behind her as water gently trickled down her eyes.
“...Alone again.” Leni sighed as he stared at the flowers her mother brought her earlier in the day, already starting to wilt, even in the small vase they were left in. Her eyes drifted down to the stumps where her legs had once been, and she felt a heavy weight inside her start forming. “I should’ve believed you……” She whispered as her hand balled into fist. ‘Yeah, you should’ve.’ Leni heard as she turned to the tv screen across from her bed, looking at her own reflection which was glaring hatefully at her, making her look down in shame. ‘Look at you. You wouldn’t be in this mess if you weren’t such a gullible frickin’ IDIOT!!’ Her reflection snapped angrily, making Leni flinch and look away at the window. “…I know…”
‘You know? You KNOW?! Gee, that’s a first! How many times have you said that in your life!’
“Please stop…”
‘You deserve this for being such a stupid airhead! You’re seventeen and you can’t even tie your own god damn shoes yourself! Well, I guess you won’t need to worry about that again, at least.’ The reflection said smugly with crossed arms. Leni tried to cover her ears as she started to cry. ‘You wanna cry just cause I hurt your little feeings?! You’re in no position to cry after all the shit you’ve done to our brother, you retarded little freak!’
“I SAID STOP!” Leni screamed, grabbing the vase and throwing it at the wall under the tv, shattering glass and splattering water everywhere as she grabbed a pillow and covered her head and ears with it, her tears now freely flowing with no restraint.
*Knock knock*
“Is everything alright?” A high pitched voice said as Leni hesitantly looked up and saw a rather young looking man with chestnut brown hair and blue eyes and wearing a red doctor’s coat with an X in the center.
“...Yea Dr. Chopper…I’m fine…” She sighed. “I….just had a night terror is all, and it freaked me out.” She muttered quietly.
“Well…okay… if you need any assistance feel free to use the call button… oh, and you have a visitor.” He said as Danny poked his head into the room. “I’ll call for someone to clean this up.” The doctor said as he vacated the room, allowing for Danny to enter and gently close the door behind him. “Um…Hi, Leni…” He said nervously while rubbing the back of his neck.
“...hey Danny…” She said softly as he slowly approached the bed, taking in the sight of her current condition. Her skin had lost the tan complexion it had when they first met and looked incredibly pale, he had dark bags under her eyes and her hair was a complete mess with a few parts even looking a bit matted.
“I came to check on you…see if you were okay…” He said as she turned away from him and looked out the window.
“……I’m fine…” She said slowly, pausing for a few seconds before saying it as he took a small hop to get over all the water and glass and then sat on the left corner of her bed.
“Leni…..talk to me.” He said, gently patting her hand as she flinched from his lukewarm touch. “I…I don’t know how to…” He heard her mutter as another tear dropped from her chin.
Danny sighed and reached down onto the floor revealing he had brought a small guitar and started strumming the strings.
They call me the kid with a cardboard face
Pencil a smile, a frown, then erase
Make me a monster with paper mâché
I'm the kid with a cardboard face
The first verse he spoke struck a cord in Leni, as she faintly remembered hearing the song before on her 9th birthday.
I drew on a hat with some black sunglasses
A girl took my shades, then sharpie eyelashes
A boy stole my snapback and burned my hair straight
I'm the kid with a cardboard face
As he continued the to the second part, she saw his eyes had begun to tear up a bit.
But I met a girl with a porcelain name
Easy to talk to but hard to explain
What do I do when I'm…falling for you
She saw his hesitation to say the last three words, and the look on his face that said he had forced himself to get it out.
The girl with the porcelain name
Meets a boy with a cardboard face
“…Danny……you don’t have to sing……not if it hurts you…”
She said, gently pulling his hand away from the strings as she wiped the tears from his eyes. “S…Sorry……I thought playing that song would help cheer you up like it……nevermind……” He said, shaking his head as Leni frowned. “……Was she special?” She asked softly
“Huh?”
“You’re thinking about a girl……was she special to you?” Leni asked as he closed his eyes, forcing himself to be calm. “…Yes, she was……she was the best friend I could’ve ever asked for……”
“…What happened?”
“……She………she’s gone…” He trailed off, with a tone that explicitly said ‘please don’t ask further’, which she picked up on.
“……I’m…sorry…I’m just…not in a good place right now…” Leni muttered, looking away from him as her head started hurting, making her wince. “You alright?”
“Yes…just some headaches, I’ve been getting them since the mall.” She said with a small groan.
Before Danny could say anything else, a knock was heard at the door. “Come in.” She said as she saw it was Dr Light.
“Hello there, you must be Leni.” He smiled as Leni gave a gasp and a smile. “OmGosh! It’s Santa Claus!!” Leni exclaimed as Danny gently facepalmed and Dr. Light gave a chuckle.
“Well, that’s certainly the first time I’ve heard a teenager be the one to say that to me.” He laughed softly with a smile. “Leni, this is Dr. Light, he’s a famous mechanical scientist. My parents worked with him on a few projects.” Danny said
“And I vaguely remember you trying to help with your parents' inventions without their knowledge, young Daniel.” Dr. Light said, remembering the young teen boy.
“So…what brings you by?” Leni asked as Dr Light took a seat in a nearby chair. “Your sister asked me if I could possibly help with your current condition, so I came here for your approval before submitting requests for x-rays and CAT-scans.” He told her softly with a warm smile
“Oh!....what does that mean?” She said while wincing from another headache. “Heh, it means I need your permission to do scans on your brain and legs to see the damage, my dear.”
“Oh!....wil….will you be able to help me walk again?” She asked a bit hesitantly. “I can try, but only if you allow me.” He told her as Danny held her hand and she gave a sigh.
“Alright…do it.” Leni spoke with confidence as Dr. Light smiled and stood up. “Ok, I’ll go ahead and submit those scan requests, dear.”
Lincoln was puking his guts out in a trash can again as Fynn rubbed his back. “Yeah, I think the spleen puncher was a biiiiit too much for you.” She chuckled as he gasped for air and panted rapidly. “Why did I let you talk me into going on it?” Lincoln groaned.
“Because you wanted to prove you have and I quote ‘a cast iron stomach’.” Fynn chuckled as Lincoln kept throwing up, making her wince as tears started filling his eyes. “I hate myself…” Lincoln groaned in pain
“Lincoln, where are you??” He heard Luan shouting.
“Over here, Luan.” He called back as she quickly walked over to him. “Lincoln! There you are…oh? Who’s your friend? A new girlfriend?” She teased, making them both blush as Lincoln gagged again, but managed to keep it down with a shudder. “No, never met her before today.”
“I’m Fynn.” She smiled as she shook Luan’s hand as said jokester saw the gloves. “Arthritis?”
“Not exactly, they just help when my hands cramp from gaming.” She said pretty quickly with a shrug, like she’d said it numerous times before.
“C’mon Lincoln they’re gonna start the judging soon!” Luan said as Fynn felt her phone vibrate. “Chances are that’s my dad, so I better head home.” She said before pulling a sharpie and a sticky note out of her pocket and scribbling on it before putting it in his hand. “See ya!” She said before running off.
“…Where did she get those 'cause her pockets looked too small for those to fit?”
“Nevermind that, come on!” Luan exclaimed as she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the stage where Benny and his parents were waiting.
“Hey, you found Lincoln, that’s great! I heard the judge this year is gonna be Art Slaphappy!” Benny said as Luan gasped and gained stars in her eyes. “You mean THE Art Slaphappy? The legendary comedian who’s so funny it’s said Charlie Chaplin himself went to HIM for comedy advice in his late years!?” she exclaimed.
“Please tell me that’s a stage name…” Lincoln said. “Also wasn’t Chaplin born in, like, 1890?”
“Be quiet, Lincoln.” Luan said, not listening to him as the host of the event, one Beau Handsome, stepped out onto the stage clearing his throat as he raised a microphone.
“Hello there, ladies and gentlemen ,and welcome to the forty ninth annual Hazeltuckey Jester’s Festival! I’m your host, Beau Handsome, and here with me today is our very special guest and the judge of this year's best prank contest is none other than Mr. Artabald Slaphappy!!” He announced as Lincoln began to drink from a large soda he got at a concession stand.
“Hello everyone!!” Art said as…outstepped an unmasked Professor Pester…wearing a Bill Cosby sweater and Mr. Rogers slacks and loafers. Upon seeing him, Lincoln immediately choked on his soda so hard some of it shot out of his nose like rocket thrusters, startling Luan and Benny as he violently coughed while everyone else in the tent clapped, drowning it out. “Lincoln! Are you ok?!”
Lincoln opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated as he remembered what he had promised her. “I…I’m fine, Luan…just went down the wrong pipe is all…” He coughed while rubbing his throat.
“Tell us, Mr. Slaphappy, are you excited to be here?”
“Why yes, yes I am, Mr. Handsome, I have never seen such wondrous and bright young pranksters in all my…..” ‘Art’ said aid as he spotted Lincoln in the crowd, who was narrowing his eyes. ‘…Oh poop…’ He thought as he cleared his throat. “Ummm, let’s get down to the judging, shall we?” He said while handing the microphone back to Beau.
“Alrighty folks, you heard him, let's start with our first contestant, one Benjamin Stein!” Beau said holding up a remote and bringing down a massive screen showcasing a video.
“It’s Benny's prank he calls ‘the Tuba knows best’!” Beuae pressed the button and the video played, showing a huge fat guy walking and Benny emerging from a bush playing a few notes on his tuba while following him.
“Stop it!………Cut it out!…………I have glandular problem!” The fat guy said as he then tripped and fell on his face with his left leg crossed over his right one and his left arm behind his back as Benny played an embarrassing tuba noise as he did so. “That’ll be sixty dollars.” He said in a low, deadpan tone, making everyone watching laugh their asses off. “Ok, that was pretty funny…a little mean, but still funny.” Lincoln commented as Lincoln noticed Benny was being hugged by his mom…and that’s when he felt something was off.
“hey…Luan…how can Benny be a brunette and his mom's hair is black and his dad’s a blonde?” He asked her once again, this time a bit quieter. “Benny said it was genetic from his grandpa, remember?” She said as for some reason Lincoln had a hard time believing that he wanted to ask more questions until he heard Beau speak up.
“Now it’s time for the prank of a newcomer; Luan Loud!” Beaue said as he hit the button.
“It’s a little something she called ‘Sign of the times’!” He said as he played the video which showed Luan standing in front of a restaurant that she had built called ‘Bust-ur-guts’.
“Luan? How’d you get the money to build that?” Lincoln asked.
“That’s easy, dad gave me some of his money and I used it to build the restaurant.” She replied as they kept watching the video as Luan placed a sign outside the restaurant that read ‘free burgers, pasta and booze’ this caused a huge surge of people to quickly run inside…only for them to gasp as they saw Luan leaning against another sign that read. ‘Dollar per footstep’ and in three minutes flat Luan was lounging in a huge pile of money as people complained about having to give out MORE money just to enjoy free food.
“Huh…that explains how we could afford that vacation last year.” Lincoln muttered as Luan grinned fondly.
“Dang, not bad for a first timer of the Jester’s Festival!” Beau complimented as even Pester had to agree her prank was genius, and made a mental note to steal the idea for his own future monetary gain.
Ivo, however, was fuming and grit his teeth, but he calmed himself as he pulled out a file he had recently ‘gotten’ from the Royal Woods medical records as he remembered how he came across it.
Ivo was outside the field the Jester Fest was being held and typing away on his laptop just like two weirdos writing a fanfic in two different parts of the country…ANYWAY he was busy hacking into the Royal Royal hospital database, thanks to his mysterious friend (whom I’m sure you all figured was Professor Pester) giving him the idea to do so. “Lousy stupid Luan, once I find this dirt! You’re going down!!” He growled as he tried to find some dirt relating to Luan’s birth ... .until he came across a medical file the contents of which made him smile as he opened another series of applications and started typing while laughing maniacally.
‘You won’t win this Jester Fest, Loud. I’ll make sure of that!’ He thought angrily as the crowd clapped and cheered for Luan as Ivo stood up.
“Now folks here we have Mr. Ivo Robugnik!”
“Robotnik!” Ivo growled as he made his way onto stage and placed his laptop on the podium and cleared his throat.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the crowd…I have brought to you, on this day, THE ULTIMATE PRANK!!!!” He declared loudly as many people leaned in closer as he pressed a button on his laptop showing videos and pictures of Luan and Benny.
“For you see my friends…our dear loving contestants, Luan Loud and Benny Stein…have…COMMITED INCEST!!!” He declared at the top of his lungs as the image switched to a legal document…listing one Lynn Loud as Benny’s biological father.
“WHAT!?” Lincoln shouted.
“WHAT!?” Luan and Benny screamed.
“WHAT!?” Beau shouted with bulging eyes.
”WHAT!?” The entirety of the stands shouted.
“WHAT!?” Pester exclaimed…yes, even HE was shocked by what he was seeing and even rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing it clearly.
Seeing this made Luan turn green as she rushed off to puke as Lincoln gave a growl and let his emotions take over, running up to the stage and tackling Pester with enough speed it took the shocked crowd several moments to realize what had happened as they ended up tumbling past the curtain to the backstage area.
“YOU!! YOU DID THIS!!!!” He exclaimed at the mad candymaker with gritted teeth as he tried to pummel his face as Pester dodged his fists which shook the entire stage and cracked the floor with each strike.
“Hey, don't look at me this isn’t my fault!....O…Ok, it kinda is but I did NOT plan for this! That was all on the greasy haired ginger!” Pester defended.
“Hey!” Ivo said as he charged backstage as Lincoln was flung off of Pester as he looked around and saw a cart of pies nearby.
“PIE FIGHT!!!!” Lincoln yelled at the top of his lungs as he grabbed two pies and threw one at Pester, only for him to duck and avoid it as it flew through the curtain and smacked into the back of Beau Handsome’s head.
“HA! YOU-“
*SPLAT*
The second one, on the other hand, landed straight on his face as Pester licked its contents and cringed.
“EUGH! KEY LIME!?!” He gagged. “What’s next? A peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich?!”
“OH THAT'S IT!!!!” He heard Lincoln shout as he threw more pies at Pester, who retaliated in kind as he ducked and flatened out one of the tin pie trays, carefully flattening out the edges before quickly rising up and violently throwing the aluminum disk at the preteen.
Soon the entire festival was in a pie throwing frenzy that soon erupted in a violent fist fight after Ivo, angry that his victory had essentially been ruined by Lincoln, got in close with a pie and threw it with his left, making Lincoln dodge directly into his right fist, resulting in a black eye and hitting the back of his head on a bar of wood.
“GAH!” Lincoln shouted as, before Ivo could hurt him more, he felt his grandmother grabbing his shoulder.
“Time to go.” She spoke in an oddly cold tone as Ivo gave a cringe and nodded and the two of them ran off towards a helicopter, which was only noticed by Luan who was walking out of the bathroom, looking much paler and holding her stomach.
“No…No way he forged that…just to get one over me…” She groaned weakly as she watched them fly off into the air. However Luan was snapped out of her stupor by the shouting from the Jester Fest main tent and a scream of pain.
“Lincoln?” She muttered with wide eyes, her big sister instincts kicking in as she rushed back into the tent to see the chaos unfolding in the tent.
There were pies everywhere and people were full on brawling in the stands and even on the ground. She saw Beau Handsome curled up on the ground hiding under an open part of the stage and couldn’t find Benny or his family anywhere. Looking around she saw her brother rolling out from backstage fighting Mr. Slaphappy.
“HAHAHAHAHAHA NOW I HAVE YOU!!!” He exclaimed as he strangled Lincoln in his arm growling. Instinctively and angrily, Luan ran over and delivered a nasty kick in between his legs.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!......yep……there go my candy corns!” He said in an extremely high pitched tone and he fell to his side holding his groin as he let go of Lincoln as the ground suddenly shook and the Ruffian’s crashed through the stage wall in their car.
“Don’t worry boss we got ya!” One said tossing pester a rope which tied around his arm.
“Wait, hold on!” Pester said but it was too late as the Ruffian’s quickly drove off…while dragging Pester behind.
“AAAAAHHHH!! YOU IGNORANT IMBECILES!.....I HAVE NO REGRETS, OR MY NAME ISN’T PROFESSOR PESTER!!!!” Pester shouted as another started to pull the chain closer as they drove off. “WAIT, YOU CAN TAAAAALLLLlllllk……” He exclaimed, getting quieter as he vanished off in the distance. Lincoln and Luan stood inside the tent as Lincoln panted tiredly, rubbing his now bruised throat..”
“You…you okay, Lincoln?” Luan asked him as he stared at the ground. “I’m…alright…” He spoke with a raspy tone.
“....Luan?” He heard Benny say as he shakily poked his head out from under a pile of pies. “Is…Is it almost over?” He asked in a low tone as he saw people were still fighting.
“Uhhhhh…lets find your….parents and leave while the getting’s good.” Luan suggested as the tension was now very awkward, all in part to Ivo’s prank.
“I…Do we-“
“NO!” Both Luan and Benny exclaimed almost immediately before Lincoln could even try to start his question. “He-He clearly forged a legal document and put dads name on it to humiliate us.” Luan said as the trio started to walk off.
“Yeah…that…that has to be it!” Benny said, his voice shaken as they saw his parents both covered in pie residue. “You two ok?”
“We could ask you three the same.” Benny’s mom said, catching sight of Lincoln’s swollen black eye and busted lip, along with a small bit of blood staining the hair on the back of his head.
“Mom…that jerk Ivo, can you believe him? He said my real dad is Luan’s.” He said, hoping that it wasn’t true.
“Yeah…..well sweetie…we….we have something to tell you…”
*4 hours later*
The Steins had dropped Lincoln and Luan off at their house. “...bye…Benny….I’ll… see you at school…” Luan droned, her pupils like dinner plates as she stared off into space.
“Yeah…school…….y…yeah.” Benny stammered his eyes ALSO the size of dinner plates as the Steins drove off in uncomfortable silence.
“………”
“………”
“………”
“………”
“………”
“………”
“………”
“………”
“...Luan?...are you gonna be okay?”
“……No!” She said before breaking down in tears.
“I just found out my boyfriend is my half-brother!!” She cried while burying her face into her hands.
Lincoln hugged Luan close to him and rubbed her back.
“Hey it’s okay, Luan.”
“It’s NEVER gonna be ok, Lincoln!!” She cried loudly as she hugged him tighter and sobbed into his hair.
“Yes it will I mean…all you guys did was make out”
“NO!!!...we did MORE than that…sometimes on a weekly basis……it’s a miracle I’m…not pregnant!”
“O……Ohhhhhhhhhhhh………” Lincoln said horrified and disturbed as he uncomfortably hugged her back.
“....Lincoln?....I……I’m sorry.” She said with a whimper as he gently patted her back.
“Sorry?...sorry for what?”
“For…For thinking you were crazy…..you were right that Pester guy is Nuts!...and here I was just mocking you. I was even considering partnering up with that friend of yours…what was his name again? Crusty?”
“…Luan, if you did that, I would genuinely consider disowning you because Rusty has lost the right to call himself my friend after all the crap he’s put me through at school capitalizing off of what happened.” Lincoln told her, completely seriously. “The point is Lincoln…I’m sorry…I don't know how you could even forgive me.”
“I mean, you never physically assaulted me and rarely went further than puns…so your chances were pretty high.” he chuckled.
“But….”
“No buts, Luan…look, I was hurt when none of my sisters…save for Lynn, believed me, but that doesn't matter now, I’m just glad YOU believe me and it didn’t take you getting crippled to do it.”
“Wait, what?”
“I’m just happy that’s over and someone else believes me.” Lincoln smiled as he opened the door to their house….only to get smashed in the face by a pickle jar. “LINCOLN!!!” Luan shouted as she ran over. “Are you alright?”
“More chilly fries for the kings table!” he babbled, seeing stars swirl around his head as she saw he had lost a few of his teeth and that his nose was now broken and bloody. Seeing red, Luan grabbed the intact jar and threw it with all her might back inside, hitting Lori right in the gut as she tumbled back into the stairs, groaning as her back hit the wooden steps.
“LINCOLN ALBERT LOUD!!!! YOUNG MAN, YOU ARE GROUNDED!!” Lynn Sr. shouted marching up to Lincoln…as Lincoln saw his father and mother both were wearing brass knuckles, their clothes were torn, their entire bodies were scuffed and their hands were bloody.
Looking at the rest of the house, Luan saw the entire place was in complete disarray and looked more like a condemned building in New York.
“Wait, why am I grounded? I was with Luan all day!” He exclaimed with some whistling thanks to the holes in his mouth.
“Stop making excuses, young man!!”
“But Mom, he’s not, he really was!!” Luan tried to say as they looked at her.
“Fine. you wanna speak up for him, then you're grounded too!” Lynn Sr. shouted, making Luan gasp and Lincoln scowl just as Lucy and the others also scuffed and dirty all came downstairs…except for Luna.
“LINCOLN!!!!!” Lola growled as she and Lana tried to tackle him, only for Luan to grab their collars.
“Mom, dad I swear to you guys, I’ve been with Luan all day! Pester was the festival and-“
“Ugh Lincoln for the last freaking time there’s no such thing! These crazy ramblings have got to stop, you’re embarrassing our family! It’s bad enough your antics made the entire town hate us!!” Lynn Sr. exclaimed.
“Dad, he’s telling the-“ Luan tried to say only for them to ignore her.
“Grrrrr I AM NOT LYING, YOU BALDING OLD FUCK!!!” Lincoln yelled, making them all gasp in shock as Lynn Sr. dropped him. “Balding?……” Lynn Sr. spoke in a sad tone as Rita frowned and walked up to Lincoln, slapping him hard across his face.
“Never in my life did I ever think my only son would turn into….into such a disrespectful brat that’s lost his mind!!” She said as Lincoln held his cheek as Lori, Lisa, Luan and Lynn all looked on with concern as they saw him shed a few tears. Lincoln’s hair shaded his eyes as he refused to lift his head.
“If your father said you and Luan are grounded, then you two are grounded! In fact, you two can stay here while the rest of us go on our trip to Lake Eddy this weekend! If you’re willing to do this to us, then Luna was right about what she said!” Rita said, stopping as she realized just what she had said with wide eyes as her older daughters and Lucy looked at her with shock as Lincoln slowly made his way to the stairs and only said one thing.
“...was I the crazy one when some mad housekeeper tried to kill our family with a fucking dragon?” He spoke in a low cold tone, making his parents and older sisters gasp…but his younger sisters looked on in confusion as Lola rolled her eyes.
“I knew he was crazy, now he's making up more stories!” She huffed, crossing her arms as Lana gave a nod. “Yeah, as cool as that sounds, he’s gotta be lying!”
“Oh really? If that’s a lie, how about this?” He said before turning to his father with an angry glare. “Hey Lynn, why don’t you tell them about your other son?”
“Othersonwhatotherson?” Lynn Sr. spoke quickly with his eyes darting left and right as broke out in a cold sweat
“You know exactly who I’m talking about.” He said with a glare as Luan helped him up and they both ascended the stairs, leaving everyone present to turn to their parents.
“Lynn?...what IS he talking about?” Rita asked as Lynn Sr. gave a nervous chuckle and knew he had some explaining to do, while questioning how Lincoln had found out.
Luan helped Lincoln to his room and kissed his forehead as he closed and locked his door and collapsed on his bed. Lincoln grabbed Bun-Bun and held him close to his chest as he fought back tears. Sadly, he failed as he allowed them to fall as he curled up on his bed as an emotional wreck. Meanwhile Luan was making her way into her and Luna’s room, Luan seriously did NOT wanna deal with Luna’s shit tonight, but after what just went down it was better than nothing. Going inside, Luan dropped her duffel bag and was surprised, shocked even, to see their entire room was a even more of a mess, there were numerous holes in the wall and their bunk bed was flipped over clothes scattered everywhere and their window and personal belongs were broken Luan slowly walked inside and heard the faintest of whimpering coming from her closet. Opening the door, there she saw Luna lying in a fetal position, her skin paler than Lucy's and blood slowly leaking from her mouth.
“Luna?” She said as Luna gasped and screamed.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH NO NO NO PLEASE NO MORE I……I….I’M SORRY JUST PLEASE NO MORE!!!!” She begged in pure fear this shocked Luan as she slowly approached her sister who covered her head and face, expecting the worst only for uan to hug her.
“...It’s okay, Luna….I’m here now.” Luan said. For the first time in what felt like a long time, her anger towards Luna was gone and in its place was worry…she had no idea what happened to their family while she and Lincoln were gone but she knew whatever it was…it changed their family forever…and not in a good way.
“Luna…what the hell happened? I was only at the Jester Fest less than a day.”
“No….no more….please….Lincoln…I….I’m sorry…” Luna whimpered, hugging her closer as Luan could tell Luna…was broken. Something made her this way and whatever it was she feared it was still out there.
‘She keeps saying Lincoln…did that…Pester guy do something?’
“Luna? Look at me. Are you saying Lincoln did this to you all?” She asked gently as Luna hesitantly looked up at her with tears in her sunken eyes.
“...please…no more…” Luna repeated as Luan could see pure terror in her eyes and noticed they were glazed over, almost glass-like. ‘I’ve seen Luna when she’s scared…but this isn’t scared, this is mortified.’ She thought while looking at her eyes and getting a dreadful thought. “Luna…Can……can you see me?”
For the first time, Luna didn’t repeat her words. Instead, much to Luan’s horror, she merely shook her head.
“Luna, did L…did he do this to you?” Luna gave a slow nod of her head as Luan looked more angry, but not at her. “Luna…that can’t be possible…Lincoln was at the Jester Fest all day with me and…Benny…”
Luna gave a shake of her head as she felt around the room and touched a fallen drum set before she pointed to Luan’s camera in the corner of the room. Pulling out her phone, Luan was able to go over the footage and much to her shock she saw….a second Lincoln was inside of their house. But before she could keep watching, the other Lincoln turned his head to the camera and gave an eerie smile, his eyes shining like a wolf’s at night. “..I know you’re watching me Luan….you’re next~” He said as his eyes turned black and red and her phone exploded in her hand, making her cry out as she held her burned palms.
Scowling, Luan picked up a nearby chair and used it to reach for the camera and opened up the side port to rewatch the footage from earlier just so she could see what happened. However, when she did she was greeted by Lincoln’s face.
“You will suffer the same way they have, Luan…I will pleasure myself to your horrified screams…God has abandoned you, the Devil fears me..your soul will never know rest, you will DIE!” He said as Luan gave a gasp, seeing her camera erupt into blue flames, the feeling of which caused Luna to scream.
“NO NO NO NO MOMMY DADDY NOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!” Luna screamed as her eyes rolled up into her head as she started to foam at the mouth as she passed out just as the fire started to grow larger.
“LUNA!!!!” Luan screamed as she and Luna were engulfed by the flames as their door was kicked in by Lori.
“WE HEARD SCREAMING, WHAT HAPPENED!?” Lori yelled as….the fires were gone as Luan stood by the wall, clenching her chest as, while the fire had vanished…it’s effects hadn’t as her arms were covered in deep burns, her shirt had burned through, exposing her body to the flames when they were present, causing her torso to also be covered in scattered burn marks and her hair was charred at the ponytail. A symbol was burnt into the floor, it was Lincoln’s smile, but it was burnt to a crisp and a blood red center color to it.
Luan looked down at Luna and saw she was still unconscious and her limbs were twitching as Luan looked at Lori.
“...Lori…tell…me…everything!” She demanded as Lori picked up Luna and gave a nod. “...alright ,come to Lisa’s room after I drop off Luna with Mom and dad….we’re going to tell you everything that happened to us…while you were gone.” She said with a horrified shudder.
Notes:
Ooooh Boy...Looks like the Louds went through something...Dark to the Point Luna was immensely traumatized and Yes In case you all are curious What happened to Luna is Indeed the start of her Redemption Arc and I'm gonna be honest with you guys...she's gonna be put through the wringer also Luan FINALLY sees that Lincoln was Right about Pester and Now Has another Sister on his Side we even got a Small Moment between Leni and Danny thanks to Dr Light wanting to help her and we got the Long awaited Introduction to Ivo Robotnik! Who's yet to become truly Rotten as an Egg and we even meet his Grandmother....Fifi.. .ya know Fifi...from the new Movie no time to spy....yeah....Thats....uhhh.....that's not hinting at anything at all and of course we got the Big one The events of First Loud House Movie happened Before the Story began! (Meaning You know who could show up later) and Benny is The Loud siblings Half-brother now there's 12 Loud kids! ...Oh dear...poor Luan ANYWAY...Next Time On The Loud House '23: The stories First ever Halloween Special!...THE LOUD GLITCH PROJECT.
Chapter 7: THE LOUD GLITCH PROTOCOL
Notes:
Geo: Happy Halloween, guys! We're finally giving you all the Loud House ‘23 halloween special...an hour before Halloween ends!...yeah, this would've been out sooner had we'd not been rammed up the snootwhacker but it's here now! also OFB has been updated so feel free t give that a look see when you guys can!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Oooh Nice outfit, Lincoln.” Luan smiled, making him blush a little as she ran a hand through his gray hair. ‘Dang, it even got on his eyebrows!’ She thought. “Come on, Benny’s parents will be here in a few minutes.” She told him as she grabbed her bag and headed downstairs as Lincoln followed her.
Unaware that two of their children had been preparing to leave for the day, Rita and Lynn Sr. had already left the house 30 minutes before them to go grocery shopping.
“Lynn? What’re we going to do about Lincoln?” Rita sighed as she started loading grocery bags into Vanzilla while her husband handed them to her. “I don’t know, dear. But this whole nonsense with him is getting out of hand.” He sighed as he closed the back hatch and dusted off his hands….only to see a crowd of angry people slowly approaching them.
“Uhhhh, Rita?...we may have some visitors on our hands.” He said uncomfortably while checking his pockets in a panic for the keys as Rita had already gotten into the passenger seat.
“LOUD!!! YOUR SON HAS BEEN A MENACE ALL THROUGHOUT TOWN!!!” A large, burly, bluish gray skinned man shouted, grabbing him by the top of his head. “Uhhhh….What are you talking about, Mr. Gross?” Lynn questioned nervously as the crowd started to scream their grievances at the parents. “Your boy sanded down my tires and made me wreck on Main Street!”
“He drove away all my customers by disgusting them with live roaches he put in my kitchen!” Flip shouted as two guys in biker outfits walked up holding burnt bags. “Yeah, then he charred our burgers and fries!!” One of them even pulled out a charred large soda cup. “He burnt my shake!” The bald one of the two sid as a heavily pregnant woman stumbled up to the van, crying heavily. “H-He made me experience the miracle of birth! Again and again and again!!” She wailed
“Yeah, birth!” One guy said as the entire crowd started to clamor as Mr. Gross dropped Lynn and cracked his knuckles. “Listen here, Loud, if you don’t control that boy of yours, then WE will, got it!?” He growled while getting all up in Lynn’s face as Rita slid into the drivers seat, grabbed her husband by the collar and pulled him in before starting the van, quickly driving off.
“Lynn, that doesn’t make any sense! How could he have done all that, he was in the shower when we left!” Rita exclaimed, not once stopping as it felt like all of Royal Woods had their eyes on them. “I-I don’t know, honey. But we need to find out, maybe he used something from Lisa’s room?” Lynn Sr. suggested as they pulled into their driveway as his wife looked at him. “It doesn’t matter, right now, we need to start being more stern with him and the girls, cause this is getting too out of hand.” She said with a hefty sigh as they both exited the vehicle and started grabbing grocery bags.
Rita and Lynn Sr. had called most of their daughters for a meeting in the living room save for Luan, who was gone, Leni, who was still at the hospital, and Lana, who was playing with Hops in the backyard.
“Alright, what’s the big deal?” Lynn Jr. groaned while spinning a basketball on her finger, wanting to leave so she could practice her shots.
“....Girls…we need to talk about your brother.” Rita sighed as Luna rolled her eyes. “Oh great, what did the little turd do THIS time?” She grumbled while Jr. shot her a glare when Lola let out a groan of her own. “Seriously? We were dragged down here because of that screw up?!” She exclaimed. “I have a pageant next week and I need all the time to train for it that I can get!”
“Big deal, you can live without one stupid pageant.” Jr. scoffed.
“What did you say, you smelly ape!?” Lola growledd. “Hey, better an ape than a howler monkey.” She shot back at the 7 year old.
“Why you!!” Lola growled as Lori grabbed her. “ENOUGH!.....Mom…dad… continue.” She said as Lola struggled in Lori’s grasp, only stopping in fear that her dress would tear.
“Thank you, Lori, now then…we need to discuss what we’re going to do about Lincoln. He’s caused all kinds of trouble across town due to this whole ‘Professor Proofus’ nonsense that started in Sweetsopolis.” Rita sighed as Luna gave a smirk. “I say we kick him out, for real this time, not just lock him out for a night to teach him a lesson.” She exclaimed, punching her palm.
“WHAT!?” Lynn Jr., Lisa and Lori all shouted.
“Luna! That’s literally too harsh!” Lori said as Luna rolled her eyes. “Please, the ‘man with the plan’ can handle it, so I suggest not only do we kick him out, we send his ass to military school.”
“Ahem.” Lisa cleared her throat. “As much as you’ve probably seen that done in the media, being sent to military school is an honor and privilege, NOT a punishment. Besides, neither of our parental units would even be able to afford the cost of military school, nor would any militaristic academy accept taking him for such a profoundly stupid reason.” She said with her arms crossed as Luna glared at her. “And since you brought that previous incident up, Lincoln is already aware that what we did, which in hindsight was BEYOND idiotic and pretty darn evil, is extremely illegal. So do you really think providing him with a chance to go to the police and get us arrested and sent to prison and a juvenile detention center is the smartest idea?” Lisa added, with a rather sarcastic edge to her tone. “That little punk deserves to be kicked out after all the crap he’s caused us!”
“Pfft. Oh please, do you really mean that? Or are you just still being a salty, stuck up bitch cause your crush wasn’t into chicks?” Lynn Jr. scoffed, surprising her parents with her sudden vulgar language. “Junior!” Their father exclaimed as Luna shot towards her younger sister, only for Lori to step in front of her. “Get outta my-“
“No! Her words were…rough…but Lynn’s literally right. You’ve been treating him like complete crap ever since the mall. And for what? Cause the girl you like already had a boyfriend? Big freaking deal! Get over it and move on!” She snapped as Luna balled her fists tightly, a sight which made Jr. stop spinning her ball and sit up with a serious look. “Go on, swing first. Give me a reason.” She threatened Luna, who glared at her and then back at Lori.
“Screw you.” She spat out before angrily storming back upstairs, the sight of which made Rita sigh and pinch the bridge of her nose. “Did you really need to egg her on, girls?”
“Don’t try to defend her, mom. She deserved it, she's been treating Lincoln like crap for the past 4 months!” Lynn Jr. exclaimed. “Or have you already forgotten she broke his teeth?”
“Junior, we’re not defending her, we’re ju-“
“Then what ARE you doing?! Ganging up on Lincoln AGAIN? I’ll admit, we suck ass at being sisters when it comes to treating him right. But you two are just as bad as us, heck, you’re probably worse than us!” She said, pointing at the two adults, who suddenly looked flabbergasted at having the topic now be directed at them. “Wh-What?? Junior, we are not bad parents!”
“……The ‘luck’ incident would beg to differ…” They heard Lucy mutter quietly, trying to not have things turn to her.
“What?” Lynn Sr. said as Lucy sighed and repeated what she said. “I said the ‘Luck’ incident would beg to differ……or did you forget you approved it and actively participated in it with us?”
Rita and Lynn Sr. were speechless as they wracked their minds for something to say but realized they had nothing to say.
“Yeah, that's what I thought.” Lucy grumbled.
“But he’s so obviously going crazy! He accused a sweet candy maker of being a super criminal and made US into public enemy number one!” Lola cried as Lori sighed.
“That shouldn't matter, the point is we’ve let Lincoln down before too many times in the past and now…all we did was just make things worse for him AND ourselves…like we always do…” She trailed off, starting to reflect and cringe internally at all the times she tried to ‘persuade’ him into dating her boyfriends little sister. ‘……In hindsight, I literally should’ve realized it’d be weird for my brother to date his future sister-in-law.’ She thought with a shudder
“Wel….but…we…..” Lynn Sr. stammered as he gave a sigh, all while neither he nor Rita had anything to say about the situation.
Lana was in the backyard playing in a mud puddle she had made with the hose with Hops sitting on her head.
“Alright! This mud pie’s gonna be great, right Hops?” Lana said with a smile, looking at her frog who croaked happily…only to let out a deep growling croak much to Lana’s confusion as she saw what or rather who he was growling at which was Lincoln, who was making his way inside the house.
“What’s wrong, Hops? It’s just Lincoln.” She said as a small rumble of thunder was heard.
“Oooh! Rain! We can make more mud!” Lana smiled as it started to rain, only for it to be shortly followed by small flecks of hail, but Lana just ignored them in favor of her mud when she heard a loud splash from the front yard
“Huh?” Lana picked Hops up and walked over to the gate on the side of the house, noticing that it was starting to get dark as she opened the gate and walked into the front yard, looking around but not seeing anything that could’ve made the splash.
Hops gave a deep croak as if he was trying to warn Lana, but she paid him no mind as Lana saw a small girl around her age standing in the road, aimlessly stomping barefoot in deep puddles as the rain grew thicker.
“Hey, get out of the road!” Lana called out as the girl giggled without a care in the world as Lana saw a massive semi-truck barreling towards her.
“HEY!!!” Lana shouted as she ran forward into the road and tried to grab her, only for the girl to vanish and the truck to just barely miss her, instead scraping the brim of her hat and sending it flying away. Lana screamed falling backwards as she was splashed with rain water feeling her heart pounding like a steam engine as her entire body was violently shaking as Hops gave another croak in concern.
“I….I…..I…….I’m…o…okay buddy.” She stammered as she slowly stood up and nearly lost her balance as another truck roared past and vanished into the thick rain as Lana looked around desperately for her hat, realizing she was now on the other side of the street.
“W…what the heck?” She muttered as she quickly made her way back across the street and into her backyard before another truck could come when she suddenly heard a loud scream coming from the backdoor. “L-Lola?!” She cried out before sprinting to the back door, which was evidently locked as it refused to turn when she grabbed it. Looking down, Lana set Hops down and got on her knees before forcing her head through the doggy door.
“Mom?...Dad?” Lana called out as she made her way into the kitchen and saw that the whole area was dark and she could hear the sounds of wet dripping coming from her footsteps as, off in the distance, she could see the silhouette of her twin illuminated by the TV static. Pulling Hops inside through the doggy door, she set him on the kitchen counter. “Stay here.” She whispered to her froggy friend as she very slowly walked to the dining room, the light from the TV showing a splatter stain across the table that sent chills down her spine as she peeked around the corner and saw her twin standing in front of the TV.
“....L….Lola?....is…is that you?” Lana asked softly with a gulp as Lola slowly turned her head around, making Lana pale as she saw her twin, drenched in blood.
“...You’re next, Lana.” She spoke in an eerie low tone that seemed to echo off the walls as she started to slowly walk towards Lana, brandishing a bloody knife.
Lana was frozen in fear, however, as Lola found herself being hit by Hops’ tongue as he let out a loud screech trying to protect Lana, Lola scowled and threw the knife at the bullfrog, only for Lana to grab her little friend and take off running
“No use in running, Lana…I’ll find you.” She said, pulling the knife out of the wall and following her.
The front door opening drew the attention of everyone inside as they saw Lincoln coming in, a storm starting to form outside as he closed the door behind him.
“Lincoln! Young man, where have you been!?” Rita frowned, crossing her arms as Lincoln acted like none of them even existed as he walked upstairs, not once acknowledging any of them.
“Lincoln, get back here!” Rita shouted as Lynn Sr. frowned. “Lincoln, don't ignore your mother, get back down here, young man!” He exclaimed as Lori sighed. “I got this, I’ll go and see what his deal is.” She said, following Lincoln upstairs and seeing him close the door to his room. “Lincoln, you literally can’t just ignore our parents when they’re talking to you.” She said, shaking her head as she grabbed the handle and opened the door.
What she expected was to see Lincoln on his bed… what she got was the desiccated and rotting body of her boyfriend Bobby Santiago.
“AHHHHHH!!!” Lori screamed, stumbling back as Bobby grabbed her ankle. “...L…..L….Lori….h….help….meeeeeee…” He groaned as he started to melt into a puddle of black liquid that started to slowly engulf Lori who fell to the floor as it slowly spread up her body as the door slammed shut.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS STUFF!?” She screamed as she tried to rip it off her body.
“Lori….” the ooze groaned in Bobby's voice.
“Lori”
“Lori”
“Lori”
“Lori”
“Lori”
“Lori”
“Lori”
“Lori”
“Lori”
It droned over and over as she covered her ears.
“STOP IT!!!” She yelled as she kicked Lincoln’s door down and saw Lincoln…making out with Ronnie-Anne, whose skin was pale and bore a thick cut across her throat.
“Hey! A little privacy here?!” He snapped as she paled and threw up in digust at the sight she was seeing before realizing she was still sinking into the ground
“AHHH NO, SOMEONE HELP ME!!” She shouted as Lincoln walked over and slammed his foot into her hand causing her to sink into the floor as Lori fell for what felt like hours into a dark abyss and landed in a deep pool of water. Panicking, she frantically swam up and gasped for air, looking around to see nothing but darkness
“Hello?”.....Anyone!?” She shouted as her voice echoed throughout the area.
“YOU STUPID LITTLE TWERP!!!!” Lori heard as she looked around for the source of the yelling.
“I always thought she was raised by trolls.” Another voice spoke out as Lori gasped recognizing the voice.
“Li-Lincoln?” She questioned, trying to stay afloat as her brothers voice echoed out around her.
“YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! BECAUSE OF YOU, BOBBY BROKE UP WITH ME!!!” Her voice echoed as Lori started to feel guilty as she remembered that she almost broke a table over Lincoln’s head, all because Bobby dumped her for him insulting his little sister. ‘She…she really was a bit harsh on him…and so was I…’ She thought with a frown before Lori could say anything she felt a hand dragging her beneath the water.
Lucy and Lynn were worried, Lori had been upstairs for awhile and she had yet to come back down.
“...Lynn…I……I don't know why, but…I’m worried about Lincoln…I can’t help but feel like…like something horrible will happen to him in the near future.” Lucy hesitantly said, rubbing her shoulder.
“Relax sis, i’m sure everything’s fine. Lincoln’s just having an off day is all” Lynn said as she patted Lucy’s other shoulder.
“...Lucy?....” They heard Lincoln speak. “I need to talk to you, it’s…important…” He said as Lynn Sr. frowned. “Now wait just a minute, young man! Come down here now!” He said sternly, only to get no response from his son. Getting angry, the patriarch of the family took a step towards the stairs when Lucy let out a loud exaggerated sigh as she got up from the couch. “It’s fine, dad.” She said as Lucy made her way to the stairs and climbed up them. “Lincoln?”
“I’m in here.” She heard him speak and raised a hidden eyebrow. ‘Why is he in my bedroom?’ She thought as she turned the doorknob and started to enter when she tripped on something and fell forward into the room, smacking her forehead on the floor as she curled up and groaned in pain, holding her head tightly as she suddenly felt the temperature around her drastically drop and reached out to push herself up, only to jerk her arm back as it made contact not with the floor, but with snow.
“Huh?” Lucy looked confused as she lifted her head, only to find herself in a seemingly endless field of snow, a thick blizzard obscuring her vision. “Wh-What the heck?” She said, taken aback by the sudden shift in her surroundings. “Hello?”
She called out, her voice muffled by the surrounding storm as she shielded her face from the snow.
Lowering them for a moment, Lucy made out a faint orange blur in the distance. “Lincoln?!” She called out, her voice drowned out as snow and wind screamed past her.
Lucy struggled as she forced her way to the blur, the snow around her reaching up to below her knees and rising as the blur got closer in her vision and took on her brother's familiar outline. “Lincoln! What’s going-“
Suddenly, she was cut off as her brother turned around and hugged her tightly. “-on?”
“Lucy…” He spoke, but his voice sounded…off to her, like there was an echo. “Ever so loyal, until it inconveniences you or you join in from group mentality.”
Suddenly, Lucy’s head rang out in pain as images of past memories shot through her head, ranging from the sweet spot incident to the toilet clogging.
“Truthfully, I want to be completely mad at you for siding with them when they were against me…”
Pain shot through Lucy’s back as she felt a force strike her back, like a blade cutting it open. She tried to scream but Lincoln merely held her head and pressed it into his shoulder, muffling any cries she released. Her eyes darted around frantically as she saw what appeared to be several of their sisters gathering around them, each one holding an object in their hands, with one appearing to be holding a 2x4 with a broken jagged end tipped in red. “But now I understand what things would’ve happened if you did…”
Pain wracked through Lucy’s body once more, like slivers of glass carving trails across her skin and hot coals being raked across those same pathways., as she felt something warm start seeping from all over her body. “And now, I need to help you understand.” He said softly, yet with a cold edge as Lucy suddenly felt a large amount of force strike the back of her neck, causing her to fall and convulse violently while Lincoln stood over her, watching calmly with a smile. “You need to understand…I need you to learn…” He said in a cold tone as Lucy found herself being buried under layers of snow and ice. Each snowflake that fell on her body felt like a thousand blades of razors slicing at her veins one by one, staining the snow crimson.
Lynn sat on the couch, her body a bit stiff ever since Lucy had gone upstairs. ‘Something’s not right. She should’ve been back down by now……and so should Lori.’ She thought as another thing was gnawing in her mind, though she couldn’t quite figure out what it was.
“I’m, uh, gonna use the bathroom.” She said before jumping up and rushing up the stairs before either of her parents could say a word. “Alright, now I gotta find them…qu…ick?” Lynn said, looking around before sounding confused as she looked at the door to her room and seeing snow build up along the bottom crack. “What the hell?” She said before turning the knob and pushing, only for it to not budge. “What the hell?” She repeated, slamming her shoulder against the door. Getting angry, she rushed to the twins room and pulled out a tool belt from under Lana’s bed. Grabbing a crowbar, she rushed back to her door and jimmied it between the door and frame.
“Lucy!” She exclaimed as she broke the door open…and found herself amongst a scorching hot desert. “What. The fuck?” She said as sand got into her eyes and she saw a mirage of herself bludgeoning Lincoln with her hockey stick. ‘What is……wait……’ She thought as the mirage Lynn raised the hockey stick again. She tried to grab it, only for her hand to phase through it as it struck Lincoln again, making him yelp in pain.
“Does it hurt, Lynn?” A voice whispered in the wind as hot sand filled her shoes and got caught in her clothes as it kicked up a sandstorm.
“What the hell is going on!?” She exclaimed as the sand cut into her skin.
“You will all die by my hands, each and every one of you.” The voice said, echoing through the sandstorm as Lynn shielded her eyes. ‘That voice……it’s tone is higher, but…it sounds…like……oh, no…’ She thought as a look of horror formed on her face.
”You can’t stop me from killing them all, Lynn. Not this time, not ever again!”
The sandstorm grew more violent as Lynn saw a tornado forming above her, and much to her horror the tornado was in the shape of Lincoln’s face as she was sucked into his mouth. Lynn screamed as she spun around in the twister of sand, choking on the grains as they forcefully entered her throat when she was suddenly thrown out of the tornado straight into the sky. “Shit shit shit shit SHIT!” Lynn screamed repeatedly as her ascension slowed down before she began rapidly descending. Fear filled her heart as she closed her eyes and braced herself for the upcoming impact when a scream tore through the high velocity winds. “Lucy?!” She exclaimed as she was suddenly flung to her side by what felt and sounded like an explosion as she slightly opened her eyes and saw a bright blue wave of energy wash over the desert and sky, transforming the area into a pitch black field of snow as Lynn crashed into a small mound.
Picking herself up, Lynn spat out some snow and saw a trail of small footsteps. “Shit! I’m coming, Lucy!” Lynn screamed as she marched through the thick layers of snow, following the trail of steps until she stopped, her heart dropping as she saw, amongst the endless field of white, a singular mound of snow colored in red.
“LUCY!” She screamed as she scrambled for the mound and started clawing away at it, staining both her hands and clothes in blood as saw a small bit of black and white stripes. “I got you, sis!” Lynn cried as she grabbed the stripes and pulled Lucy out by her arm, her heart dropping once more as she took in her sisters bloodied and battered form. Large portions of her dress had been shredded away, revealing a plethora of dark purple bruises, massive gashes and charred cuts, with most of her body bearing freshly healed scars that seem to have been made by sharpened blades. One of her shoes were missing and both stockings were torn, showing her legs had suffered a similar fate to the rest of her, with a ring shaped scar completely around her right knee and both thighs seemed to have been violently sliced by a razor blade. “Holy shit. Nonononono. Lucy, can you hear me? I’m here!” Lynn panicked, trying to get Lucy’s attention when her heart dropped once more as she looked at her younger sisters neck and saw a dark black bruise along the right side of her neck. “No. Nononononononono…” Lynn muttered, horrified as she unconsciously reached out and gently touched the wound. Suddenly, Lucy violently shook in her arms, screaming and flailing her head around trying to break free. “GET AWAY FROM ME!!”
“LUCY! LUCY, IT’S ME, LYNN!!!” The sporty girl screamed as the snow shot up into pillars, melting back into water and refreezing as ice towers that were already starting to crack. “Shit! Sorry about this.” Lynn told her still struggling sister as she raised her right arm and smacked Lucy’s left cheek as hard as she could, the force of which sent Lucy on her side as the ice towers started rapidly melting, along with the snow, until both sisters were in a black empty void, until thin cracks started forming in the space around them as the sound of glass shattering filled Lynn’s ears and she found herself and Lucy back in their room. “It’s over……thank fuck, it’s…” Lynn sighed in relief before turning back to the floor “Lucy!” She exclaimed as her younger sister slowly picked herself up off the ground. “Ugh…L-Lynn…” She groaned weakly as she looked up, her hair a complete knotted mess as she looked at her sister with half open eyes. “It’s ok, Lucy…I’m right here.” Lynn said shakily, wrapping her arms around her as she gently fixed her bangs, covering both eyes once more. “Lynn…ev…everything…hurts…” Lucy said slowly, her voice raspy and tired. “I know, sis. It’ll be alright……I need to find Lori. She’s probably going through the same thing we just did…are you ok with staying here for a bit, or do you want to come with me to save her?” She asked as her little sister suddenly held her hand tightly. “I-I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“Alright.” Lynn nodded as she helped Lucy stand, her bloody legs trembling. “I'm gonna find Lori, you go see if anyone downstairs is going through the same thing. If something happens, scream. I’ll come right to you.” She told Lucy as she nervously nodded and both walked through the empty doorframe.
Luna slammed her door shut behind her, pissed off from Lynn’s confrontation and Lori backing her up. “No good backstabbing fucks. That little shit doesn’t deserve to be part of this family after all he’s done to us.” Luna growled as she sat down in her beanbag…..only to fall backwards into a field of dried dead grass.
“Ugh…..what the hell?” She muttered as she saw she was now in a massive empty field save for a Lone tree off in the distance. Going closer to the tree Luna saw a little girl with messy red hair sitting under the tree crying as Luna wanted to say something until she heard the voice of someone….familiar from behind her as Luna turned around and saw it was a younger version of her.
“Are you okay?” The child Luna asked the girl walking through the older one, as if she were a ghost., sending chills through her body. “Wh-What the hell is this?” She shuddered as the younger version of her crouched down to the crying redheads level. Luna could see that she had a black eye and was holding a bruised shoulder.
“Was someone picking on you?” The younger Luna asked, her voice echoing as the redhead raised her head to look at her, her blue eyes red and stained with tears. Looking closer, Luna could see a rather expensive looking flute in her hand that appeared to have taken quite a beating, given its heavily dented appearance. “I…I just wanted to play some music…” The girl whimpered with a small shudder as she watched the younger her sit next to the crying child. “I’m sorry. No one should pick on someone for playing music.” Her echoey voice rang out as she gently laid a hand on top of the other girls. “I’m Luna.” She introduced as the older Luna started to feel a heavy weight start forming in her chest. ‘Is…Is this…’ She thought as the redhead wiped one of her eyes and gave a weak attempt at a smile. “A-Amber…Amber-Lynn.” The redhead introduced as the scene dissolved into sand. A gush of wind suddenly kicked up the dead grass, sending it spiraling around Luna like a hurricane until each blade vanished, revealing her surroundings had changed to the middle school.
“What the hell is this?” Luna said, shuddering as another chill ran down her spine, more intense than the previous one.
“Do you remember her?”
A voice rang through her head like a migraine as she fell to her knees, clutching the sides of her skull.
“She was your first friend, and you hers.”
“Luna!”
Another voice cut off the one in her head, causing the pain to briefly cease as she turned around and saw a young teen with pale skin peppered with freckles, wearing a white short sleeved shirt and a frilly black skirt with blue sneakers. But what caught her attention the most was her hair, now died red and tied into pigtails. “Hey, A.L.!” Luna heard herself speak as another spectral version of herself walked through her, this one only a head shorter than the real one and wearing a pair of black shorts and her current shirt, oversized on her shorter stature and before she cut the long sleeves off. She also noticed the very fresh red bandages around her ear lobes. ‘Was this when…’
“Luna, I had…what did you do to your ears?” Amber-Lynn asked as Luna leaned against her locker and scoffed it off, trying to look cool. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just a little accident is all.”
“On both ears?” Amber-Lynn questioned with a smirk and a raised eyebrow as the younger Luna looked at her blankly. “……Ok, I MAAAAY have met this girl Mazzy and…kinda took her up on an offer to…pierce my ears?” She said uneasily. “Luna, for real?! Do your parents know about this?!”
“……I MAAAAY have also just finished getting the holes done a few minutes ago?” She said with an innocent smile as Amber-Lynn facepalmed. “What am I gonna do with you?” She said with a sigh. “Nevermind that. I had an idea last night.” She said before pulling out a notebook with a logo that was all too familiar to the older Luna.
“‘Moon Goats’? This some of that wiccan crap I heard about?”
“No, dummy. It’s a band name. I was thinking…maybe we could start one, you and I.” Amber-Lynn said sheepishly, trying to hide a blush that went unnoticed by the younger Luna, but very much was by the older one.
“Hmm……we’d need more than just two people to start a band…” The younger Luna muttered. “Hey…I think that Mazzy girl said she practiced with drums while she was doing my ears!” She said, her face lighting up. “I think the band thing could take us places, A.L.! Nice thinkin’!” She said, patting Amber-Lynn on the shoulder as her blush deepened, almost matching the red color of her hair. “Th-Thanks, Luna…” She said with a nervous smile as the younger Luna pulled away. “I’m gonna go and ask her if she’s up for it! I’ll see you in class!” She said before turning and running off through the older Luna back the way she came. “…Sigh God, she’s so cute.” Luna stiffened as she heard Amber-Lynn’s voice. ‘Wh-What did she say?’ She thought as she saw the redhead dissolve into sand
“And when you fulfilled her idea…”
The building suddenly shifted around her as she found herself in the gym of her old middle school, surrounded by shadowy figures standing in front of a stage, containing Mazzy, Sully and herself rocking out for the crowd, which was shouting in excitement. Luna squinted and could make out Amber-Lynn behind a stage curtain, holding a journal to her chest with a smile and blush on her face.
“…you wanted more…and more…”
A hole suddenly formed beneath Luna as she fell into a classroom. Groaning, she picked herself up and realized she was in her first classroom from high school. Hearing some rustling she turned her head and saw her now 15 year old self rummaging through a backpack before pulling out Amber-Lynn’s journal and quickly pulling out her phone, frantically flipping pages and snapping photos of each one.
“You abused her trust and stole from her.”
“N-no! I-I just needed to practice some songs we went over!” Luna denied as her younger self suddenly froze and turned her head to the older one, her eye sockets black and empty. “LIAR!” She screamed, her voice seeming to overlap with another. “You stole her songs and passed them off as your own! Then you gaslit her with her own metal issues to make her think that she did!” She roared, standing up and marching towards the older Luna as the desks shook and slid across the floor to the walls as she marched towards her. “No! I-I just needed to get in some more pract-“
“Stop LYING!” The younger Luna screamed, punching her older self and sending her into the wall behind her. “Lincoln was right to treat you like shit.” The other Luna snapped, cutting her off and shocking her. “You act like some guardian angel who does anything to protect the one the love, but you’re really just some spoiled little bitch who throws a fit and makes it everyones problem when you can’t get your way. Clearly you’re where Lola got it from.”
“No I’m not! And he has no right acting like he’s the one who’s been wronged after-“
“There you go again. Blaming everyone else for your own shit! So what if he got you kicked out of a candy factory? You all got your family banned from every store in the town! You used to be so close to him, so why the hell did you start treating him like your personal punching bag like the rest of them?!” The younger Luna snapped as images flashed in the older one's head, starting with the image of a 7 year old Lincoln with a scraped cheek and a bloody knee, with an 11 year old version of herself bandaging him up with a sweet smile. It was then followed by an image of 4 year old Lincoln clinging to the back of a large lizard with wings flying in the air with an 8 year old Luna and a 6 year old Lynn clinging onto its tail with looks of fear. Finally, a third image took over her mind, this time of her, aged 6, giving a sleeping 2 year old Lincoln a small stuffed bunny.
“All you’ve done since the mall is throw a temper tantrum and take it out on him. You’re a disgusting excuse of a person, and an even worse excuse of a sister!” She roared as Luna flinched from her tone.
“And you wonder why no one likes you. All you do is blame others, you NEVER admit when you screw up!” She yelled, trails of black and red rolling down from her tear ducts.
“No, I-“
“We need to talk about Luna.” She suddenly heard behind her as she found herself outside Flip’s Food & Fuel, where she saw Mazzy, Sully and Sam all conversing with food around them. “I don’t know ‘bout you two, but…screw it. I can’t freakin’ stand her anymore!” Sully snapped, making the other two girls stare at him quietly. “Ever since her bro had that episode, her attitude’s taken a massive drop, even for her standards. I even heard she tried beating up the little dude ‘cause of what happened!”
“……I gotta agree…” Mazzy spoke up, hesitating a bit to say it as Sam looked at her. “Sam, I know you haven’t been part of the band long enough to fully know her, but Luna’s been a bit…let’s say ‘fame hungry’…ever since our third gig. Don’t tell anyone yet cause nothing’s fully official…but give her attitude the past few years…and how Sully said she’s been treating her little bro…we think it might be best if she…parts ways with the Moon Goats.” Mazzy said, making Luna freeze up and gasp as the younger Luna walked around her, a cold, smug look on her face. “Even your own friends can’t stand you. You’re so toxic, you just drove everyone who cares about you away.”
“Th…They can’t…” Luna whispered with tears trailing down her cheeks as Sam looked down at her drink with a somber expression. “…Maybe you guys are right…” She muttered, shattering what already fragile bonds had been holding Luna’s heart together. “We’re gonna need to replace her, too.” Sully added. “A new guitar player should be easy, but a new singer is the problem since Luna did all that, too, even if she sucked at it.”
“Wh-What?” Luna then turned her head to the sole male member of the band, as did the other two girls. “Look, I’m sorry, but it HAD to be said. The girl sounds like she smokes a pack a day and her voice COULD work, if we were a freakin’ death metal band.” He said, raising his arms up defensively. “…Well, he’s not entirely wrong about that……hey, how about that friend of hers… Am-something.” Mazzy said, snapping her fingers as Luna noticed Sam stiffen.
“Amber-Lynn. And…I kinda like that, she’s down to Earth, got a nice voice,…and given who her uncle is, she’d be bound to bring us attention.” Sully said, leaning back while taking a bite out of a chili dog. “She might not be all that into it, though, given she’s got a few mental issues… and is a bit head over heels for the chick.” She said casually as Luna felt a chill down her spine. ‘Head over…’
“You noticed that, too?”
Sully then let out a chuckle. “Maz, that girl’s followed Luna around like a lost puppy since third grade, I’d have to be mental not to see that she loves her!” He laughed as Luna replayed the previous moments in her head. “Amber…loves me?” She questioned as the younger Luna let out a giggle with a sarcastic giggle. “Don’t get your hopes up, bitch. Keep watching.”
“Guys…I don’t think that’s gonna be possible……” Sam interrupted as Sully wiped his mouth. “Oh, come on! Surely you’ve met the girl, she'd be great!”
“No…it’s not that…” Sam muttered as she reached into her bag and pulled out a page of paper that made Luna’s already broken heart drop and fracture further. It was filled with text on the lower half, a picture of Amber-Lynn square in the center…and the word ‘MISSING’ in bold at the top.
“She’s been missing for a few weeks…” Sam said, her voice starting to echo as her skin started turning into sand. “No one’s seen her and her parents are freaking out……” She said before dissolving completely, leaving behind only the missing persons poster, which Luna hesitantly grabbed with a shaky hand. “Mi…Missing?”
“Oh, don’t look so shocked, Luna. After all, you should’ve expected this after what you did to her.” The younger Luna said as the scenery shifted once more. “Oh, that reminds me… that leads right into your biggest sin.” She said gleefully as the dust settled and Luna found herself…at the mall? Looking around, she saw herself, Lori and Luan sorting at a table in the food court, with Lori texting on her phone, Luan looking tired and rubbing her ears, and Luna herself looking mildly annoyed. “I can’t believe the little dude did that to us, we’re friggin’ pariahs all over town.”
“Tell me about it.” Lori said with an eyeroll. “I’m literally considering asking mom and dad if I can do online schooling for the rest of the year.”
“Doesn’t that *Yawn* mean less time with your ‘boo-boo bear’?” Luan teased tiredly as Lori rolled her eyes again. “Please, it means more time for me to facetime him while he’s going to classes. By the way, you doing ok, you look a little pale?”
“…No…I’m gonna go to the bathroom in case I throw up.” Luan said as she picked herself up and walked off.
“……Hey, Luna, isn’t that the blonde girl in your band?” Lori said, looking past Luna as she turned around and saw Sam walking out of the food court with her phone up to her ear.
“You should literally go and ask her out.” Lori encouraged as Luna turned back around and blushed. “I-I dunno, man. What if she says no? What if she’s already heard about what went down at Sweetsopolis?” She asked nervously
“Then you try again after everything’s cooled down. We’re Loud’s, Luna, and Loud women never back down!”
“…You…You’re right.”
“Naturally.” Lori said smugly as Luna got out of the chair and speed walked down the path that she had seen Sam walk down as the actual Luna saw a dull orange head of hair turn and follow her as the floor beneath her started to move, pulling her along behind her past self as she came to a stop behind a corner where she saw Sam still talking on the phone. “You can do this, Lunes. Just walk up to her an-“
“Luna?”
Her past self stopped talking and looked up to see Amber-Lynn, her bright orange hair now flowing to her waist as she wore a blue dress with a black hoodie, with a pair of dress shoes and a pair of glasses with a thick frame. “Amber? What’re you doing here?” The past Luna said, questioning her as Amber-Lynn nervously walked up to her. As a spectator, the real Luna could now see she was holding a note behind her back, along with a tulip…her favorite flower. “I-I was hoping we could talk…you we-weren’t at school, but I saw you…you and your sister on the livestream for the Phantom Knight auditions…” She admitted, her face flustered. “A.L., could it…possibly wait a few, I’m trying to do something here.” Past Luna said before taking a deep breath and beginning to turn the corner when Amber-Lynn suddenly grabbed her wrist.
“And so it begins, your greatest sin.” The voice of the young Luna said, laughing in her head as past Luna tried to pull her arm out. “Please, it’s important!”
“Let go, Amber! It can wait!” She said, her already grouchy mood rising as her struggling began to increase.
“Luna, please, just five mi-“
“I said LET GO!” Luna snapped as she rather forcefully slammed her open palm into Amber-Lynn’s chest, pushing her back a few inches as she let go of her wrist and fell back on the floor, coughing violently. “Just leave me alone! All you ever do is follow the band and stalk me! You haven’t even tried to make any other friends since we were kids!” She snapped angrily as the real Luna saw black stained tears starting to stream down Amber-Lynn’s cheeks. “The only thing your mental ass has been good for is songwriting and even then it’s barely good enough for the Moon Goats to get gigs, all you’re doing is dragging us down!”
“Bu-But I try as hard as I can to write songs, I helped make the Moon Goats, so I have to he-“
“I made the Moon Goats! I’M the one everyone recognizes from the band, no one even knows who you are!” Past Luna snapped, jabbing a finger in her direction.
“No, I…I didn’t mean that, I…I was just…so angry…” The real Luna said softly, tears starting to form in her eyes as she watched herself tear into her childhood friend.
“But you said it. Oh, and look at that, we’re getting to the best part!” The voice of young Luna said as she watched her past self take a deep breath and glare at Amber-Lynn. “No one would even remember you if you disappeared, so why don’t you get lost and put yourself in a psych ward like that monster uncle of yours!”
*CRACK*
Pain shot through the real Luna’s cheek and head as she saw Amber-Lynn smack her past self so hard her head hit the wall. She could see the trails of mascara running down her face as she ran off crying, the tulip lying on the floor forgotten, crushed by her fall.
Luna watched as her past self took a deep breath and rubbed her cheek before making up her mind and turning the corner, dissolving into sand as Luna stared at the crushed flower. “And we both know what happened next, don’t we?” Her younger self said smugly. “I…I made her run away…” Luna said, now crying herself when her younger self started laughing hysterically. “Ru-Run away?!?! OH-HO NOPE! You thought THAT was your sin?! That was just the buildup!” She yelled as a door formed in front of Luna, who hesitantly opened it and saw it was just a women's restroom, the sound of crying echoing throughout the room as she hesitantly followed it to a locked stall when the door itself went transparent, revealing Amber-Lynn crying her heart out, clutching the paper in her fist tightly as her blackened tears stained it. “I gave my everything for you! I poured my heart out for you…an-and you turned out just like the rest of them!” She cried, her voice growing hoarse as she occasionally coughed. Luna felt her heart practically dissolve into nothingness as she felt the hand of her younger self gripping onto her shoulder. “You broke her. You broke her in ways one should never be broken. Out of all the sisters, you’re definitely the worst.” She told the real Luna, a sickeningly sweet smile formed on her face as Amber-Lynn’s coughing became more frequent. “I’m serious. Lori, Lynn and Lola are narccicistic control freaks, Lisa and Luan are sociopaths, Lucy’s a coward with a spine so weak she’ll go along with anything as long as she doesn’t get hurt, Lana’s a pig who’s probably gonna die from food poisoning. But you, you’re the worst of them all! You’re a narccistic sociopath who only cares about yourself and what others can do for you!” Younger Luna snapped, her yells covering up the frequent coughing. “Ooh, we’re here!”
“Here?” The real Luna questioned before coughing and seeing that the bathroom had filled with thick smoke and that Amber-Lynn was now wheezing, struggling to open the stall door. “No……not that…” Luna said with fear as the ceiling started to crack and fall apart as Amber-Lynn threw the stall door open and scrambled for the exit through the smoke…only for her foot to catch on a fall piece of the ceiling and trip. Landing on her stomach, Luna watched in horror as what looked like a large machine of metal and glass tore through the ceiling and crashed down to possibly a sub-level, but not before impaling Amber-Lynn in the stomach with a metal pipe and several long shards of glass. “No. NononononononoNONONO!” Luna screamed repeatedly as she fell to her knees beside Amber-Lynn, watching as she vomited blood as weakly grabbed at one of the glass shards inside of her stomach before her arm went limp. “Lu……” Her final words were silenced as her once bright eyes turned dull and empty as flaming pieces of rubble fell around her, igniting parts of her dress as younger Luna appeared before them. “THIS is you sin, Luna. YOU killed her. I doubt anyone would’ve loved you as much as her, and you threw it away, all for a girl you didn’t know was straight!”
Luna said nothing, instead crying. “You’re nothing but a monster, Luna Loud. And you deserve to feel like one.” The younger Luna said coldly as she shoved her spectral hand in her chest, and she suddenly felt a massive weight around her heart. “You deserve to feel their pain for the rest of your life.” She whispered as Luna suddenly started seizing up as pain wracked every nerve of her body.
Lynn Sr. tapped his foot on the carpet as he stared at his watch wondering where his daughters went. “Rita, this is getting us nowhere! Seriously, how hard is it to talk to someone!?” He exclaimed as he looked up…and saw he was now in a dark void.
“...Rita?” He called out his voice echoing in the darkness. “Okay…this…this is freaky.” He gulped as, before he even took a step, he felt a quick and sharp pain going through his body, forcing him to keel over and grab his stomach when he noticed his entire midsection was bleeding out.
“WHAT THE HE-“ Lynn Sr. was cut off by a sharp force slashing him across the face, causing him to tumble backwards as he coughed up blood and it dripped from his mouth.
“W…..what’s going?” He groaned in pain.
“Lynn?” He heard as he gasped, turning his head. “Rita!?…Rita, where are you!?” He called out as he stumbled forward and bumped into Rita who appeared in front of him.
“Lynn!!” She cried as he noticed his wife was covered in the same bruises and cuts as him.
“Rita…what happened to you!?” He asked as Rita nearly fell forward.
“I…I don't know…Lynn, I’m scared.” She said as the two of them heard some dark laughter.
“You will die….both of you will die.” The voice said as Lynn Sr. stood in front of his wife. “Get behind me, Rita…” He said as the two of them started to hear heavy footsteps approaching them. Clenching his fist, Lynn Sr. gave a loud scream as he ran forward fist drawn back ready to fight until a bright light and the sound of a wet explosion encompassed them, forcing both Rita and Lynn Sr. to cover their eyes.
The Loud parents both opened their eyes slowly as their vision started to clear.
“I…is it over?” Rita asked as she and Lynn noticed that a water pipe in the wall next to them had burst open… but also that a group of creatures with darkish red skin that looked like it was patched and stitched up with cloth with razor sharp teeth and bladed hands that resembled rusty machetes were also present, and in the middle of these creatures was Lincoln, staring dead at his parents with cold black eyes.
“KILL THEM!!!!” Lincoln ordered pointing at them as the creatures gave a roar and ran towards them. Time seemed to slow down as one of the creatures jumped at Lynn Sr., claws drawn out and ready to end his life. However, what nobody expected was for Lynn Sr. to scowl and grab the long floor lamp and use it to stab the creature dead, the sight of which made Lincoln raise an eyebrow. “So…this incel has some fight to him?” He said in a cold unamused tone as he watched another of the creatures jumping on Lynn Sr.’s back, only for Rita to smash its head using Lori’s golf club.
Lynn Sr. tossed the corpse away as Rita tossed him Lynn Jr’s baseball bat.
“Lincoln! You’re grounded!!” Lynn Sr. growled as Lincoln rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers as more of the creatures appeared before them.
Lynn Sr. gave a roar of defiance as he charged the creatures and swung the bat, breaking the jaw of one and knocking the head off of another as one tried to jump on his back, when Rita used the golf club to knock it away as one bit the end off the club, only for Rita to stab it in its throat, causing it to gush out blood as she pulled out the broken golf club and used it to slice the throats of two of the monsters.
A larger monster with a long pointy nose used its claws to slash Lynn Sr. across his back only for the father of 11 to turn around and kill the beast, decapitating it with a swing of the bat.
“You’re only delaying the inevitable.” Lincoln smirked as he watched Lynn Sr. get dogpiled by the creatures as they started to slice and cut into his body. “Soon you and your family will die.” He spoke in a cold tone, the sound of which made Lynn Sr. see red as the pile of creatures started to shake.
“NO! I WON’T LET YOU KILL MY FAMILY!!!!!!” The patriarch roared as he burst out of the pile and smashed the bat over the head of another monster, breaking it as one of the monster’s tried to slice off Lynn Sr.’s head, only for the Loud father to see it coming and delivered a nasty punch directly into the monster’s chest and through its heart, his hand covered in it’s oozing black blood as he was now shown wearing a pair of silver brass knuckles.
“ANYONE ELSE WANT A PIECE!?” He shouted as he and Rita slaughtered more and more of the creatures that came at them determined to protect their children by any means necessary.
Lucy and Lynn Jr. made their way to Lori's room and saw her lying on the floor in the hallway with her grasping at her throat choking herself.
“Lori!!” Lynn shouted as she rushed over and grabbed her hands and slapped her face hard in order to wake her as Lori gave a loud gasp and quickly sat up.
“Lynn!?....Lucy!?....w….what happened!?” She asked as they heard the sound of glass breaking downstairs and demonic screeching. The three of them ran over to the stairs and gasped as they saw their parents fighting off an army of monsters.
Lynn was about to say something, only for Lori to cover her mouth and look her sisters dead in the eyes.
“I’m gonna go help mom and dad, you two find the others and get to the basement.” Lori ordered as Lynn wanted to protest but knew this was no time.
“...Alright. C’mon Lucy, let’s go.” Lynn said, grabbing Lucy’s hand as they watched Lori jump from the top of the stairs and tackle one of the monsters and used a piece of broken glass nearby to stab it in its eye. As she did this, Lucy and Lynn quickly ran downstairs trying to find the others.
“Lori!?” Rita gasped as she threw a golf club into the eye socket of one of the monsters.
“Care to explain the fuck is going on!?” Lori asked, dodging a claw swipe and yanking the club out of the monster’s eye and using it to kill it.
“No time to explain, honey!!” Lynn Sr. shouted as he punched the heads off three more monsters back to back as Lori noticed Lincoln watching with a sadistic glee.
‘That CAN’T be Lincoln!....did….did that Pester guy do this?’ Lori thought as one of the monster's tried to slice off her head, only for Lori to duck and weave out of the way as another tried to attack. Using her golf club, she managed to crush both of their heads as she kicked them towards Rita, who stabbed them with the broken club. Lori stepped on the corpse of one and ripped off its arm and used it as a weapon, all while Lynn Sr. punched the heads off more and more creatures.
Lynn Jr. and Lucy were in the kitchen where they saw Lana unconscious on the floor. Lucy ran over and picked her up as Lynn started to scan the walls for something. “Lucy, which one of these activates Lisa’s secret elevator?” She asked as Lucy started to think.
“The cardamom.” Lucy said as Lynn pulled the bottle and caused the wall to open up.
“C’mon sis, let's get to Lisa’s room, stat!” Lynn said as Lucy carried Lana into the elevator as Lynn pulled the lever as it went up.
The living room of the Loud House looked more like a war zone as Rita, Lynn Sr. and Lori all were battered and bruised and more importantly tired.
“That's all you got!?” Lori growled as Lincoln snapped his fingers and summoned more creatures. “No, but it was nice of you to ask.” He smirked as Lynn Sr. growled as he ran forward and fought them using whatever else he could grab.
“LORI!!” Lori heard Lynn Jr. shout from the stairs as she gave her big sister a thumbs up.
“LORI, YOU AND YOUR SISTERS GET DOWN TO THE BASEMENT, YOUR FATHER AND I CAN DEAL WITH THE REST OF THEM!” Rita exclaimed as Lori gave a horrified look.
“Mom! There’s no way you and dad can-“ Lori tried to say as Rita gave her daughter an angry look. “I SAID NOW, LORELI!!”
Lori wanted to keep helping but she knew she had no choice. Lori gave her mother a nod as he watched as her parents, although dead tired, fought off more and more of the monsters that Lincoln kept summoning.
“Everyone in the basement now!!” Lori said as Lynn Jr. and Lucy carried their unconscious sisters into the basement with Lori trailing close behind them.
Lori, Lucy and Lynn placed Lisa, Lily, Lana and Lola all onto the old couch as Lola slowly opened her eyes and let out a horrified scream.
“AAAAAAAAAAHHH NO NO STOP PLEASE!! GET IT OFF ME!!!!” Lola screamed in pure fear as they watched her rip off her dress and threw her tiara away tiara and scrambled into Lynn’s arms shaking like a leaf. “Shhh shhh it’s okay sis it’s okay…it’s all over.” Lynn said, comforting Lola who started to catch her breath and calm down. “Better?”
“Y….yeah…a…a little…” Lola stammered as Lori heard the sound of more things being broken and scowled.
“Lynn? Stay here with the others. I'm gonna go back for mom and dad.” Lori said as Lucy looked around the basement. “Wait…where’s Luna?” She asked as she and Lynn gasped. “Shit, I forgot her!”
“I’ll go back for Luna after I make sure mom and dad are still alive, just stay down here, okay?” Lori said as she ran back up the stairs and saw Lynn Sr. kill the last of the monsters and a pickle jar rolled by her feet.
“Well now…time to make my exit.” Lincoln smirked as he took a step backwards towards the front door as Lori scowled and picked up the pickle jar and threw it but just as she did, the front door opened and he faded away, the jar instead crashing into the face of another Lincoln, this one with gray hair and a flannel, sending him to the floor as Luan screamed at her.
“And well…you know the rest.” Lori said, finishing her explanation of what happened to her and what she went through, followed by her rescue and the events after. Luan stared at her blankly, her eyes like saucers as she stared at her sister. “Lori, Lincoln was with me that whole time. He-He couldn’t have done all that. Hell, he CAN’T have done that! Lincoln can be petty, sure…but that…the dragon at Loch Loud was one thing, you and I saw it with our own eyes, but that…Lincoln’s not capable of being that…evil…” She muttered, her gaze drifting to Luna, who was now curled in Luan’s lower bunk with tears staining her puffy cheeks.
“I don’t know what the fuck happened or what did that shit to us, but it looked like Lincoln, felt like Lincoln and sounded…sounded…now that I think of it, his voice WAS a bit higher pitched than Lincoln’s…nevermind that. The point is, everyone downstairs aside from Lynn and Lisa probably think Lincoln is some eldritch horror and decided to get payback on us!” Lori exclaimed as she plopped herself into Luna’s beanbag chair with a sigh. “…So…What did Lincoln mean by dad’s ‘other son’?”
Suddenly, a pit tore open in Luan’s chest as she started to cry into her palms loudly, startling her. “Luan?! What’s wrong?!”
“BENNY’S OUR HALF BROTHER, THAT’S WHAT’S WRONG!!” She screamed, tears she had thought she had already shed now freely falling. “MY BOYFRIEND IS MY HALF BROTHER!! I HAD SEX WITH MY FUCKING HALF BROTHER!! THAT’S WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG!!” She screamed again before collapsing to her knees bawling her eyes out as Lori looked at her in horror. She could only stare at her sister and hesitantly reached out to hug her, only for Luan to cling to her and sob into her shoulder. “I feel like a sick freak.” She whimpered as Lori patted her back. “I…It’ll be alright, Luan…let’s…let’s leave Luna to rest and go back downstairs. I’m sure mom is literally tearing dad a new one right about now.” She said, helping her younger sister up as they walked into the hallway where they could hear yelling. “Why didn’t you two say anything?…If you believe Lincoln now, why not speak up?” She heard Luan mutter weakly and sighed sadly. “After what we just went through, convincing them is probably a near impossibility.” Lori said sadly as Luan unfortunately couldn’t do much but agree as they heard their father suddenly scream.
“I DID NOT CHEAT!”
“Hoo boy.” Lori sighed.
“Then how, Lynn?! How the hell could you have another son if you didn’t cheat on me?!” Rita snapped angrily as Lynn Sr. nervously looked away and muttered under his breath.
“What was that?!”
“…I may or may not have…donated sperm for cash a few times throughout the years…” He said in embarrassment as his wife and kids all stared at him with stupefied looks. “And you didn’t think to tell us?!” Lynn shouted at her dad, who just looked away with a red face. “Hey, it’s not exactly something a parent just talks to their kid about out of the blue.”
“Forget that. Why the hell didn’t you tell ME? Your WIFE?!” Rita snapped as he looked down at the ground. “I…thought you’d think less of me as a man for not being able to afford all of this…eleven kids takes a toll on a man's bank account and credit score…” He said shamefully as Rita glared at him for a few more moments before sighing. “Look, the point is. You should have told me. ‘Cause if you did, we could’ve avoided THAT!” She said, pointing at Luan and Lori, who had just turned the corner. “Ooh…you heard that, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I did, and Luan, we will be having a talk some time later about SAFE sex!”
“Please don’t talk about it…I don’t want to think about it for a long time…” Luan said, already starting to gag a bit.
“I…I think we should all get some rest…it’s been a long day for all of us, and we’re all running on empty.” Lori said with a sigh as Lola whimpered and clung to Rita’s leg tightly, making her sigh. “Alright, girls. You’re all sleeping in Lori’s room tonight.” She said as Lori, too tired to argue over it, simply nodded and led her siblings upstairs. “And YOU mister are sleeping down here tonight.” She said sternly to her husband before marching to their room and slamming the door behind her, making him sigh sadly as he sat on the couch.
“*Yawn* Hey, Luan.” Lincoln said, fully dressed in the same outfit as the day before as he kissed her cheek, making her smile a little bit. As he grabbed a slice of bread he took in the disturbed figures of his sisters, save for Leni, who was at the hospital, and Luna, who hadn’t come downstairs. Lucy was almost completely covered in gauze wrapping, Lola was wearing black sweats and had no tiara nor makeup, Lana was trying to keep her distance from her twin, Lisa was eerily silent and so was Lily, Lori looked traumatized and Lynn looked…disturbed…like she had seen a ghost.
Taking a sigh, Lincoln bit into his bread and walked out of the kitchen. “Where do you think you’re going, young man?” He heard his mother say as he balled his other hand in his pocket.
“…I’m going to my friends, Rita.” He said coldly before slamming the door shut behind him, making them all flinch as a few pictures fell from the wall.
“…Kids…about last night-“
“Please don’t bring up that we have god knows how many half siblings out there…my stomach can’t handle any more dry heaving…” Luan whimpered. “No, it's not that. It’s for the younger ones, about the other thing he said…that ‘dragon’ thing…he wasn’t making that up, girls.” Their father said nervously as the daughters younger than Jr. all looked at each other with uncertainty. “How come we don’t remember that, then?”
“I concur…we would’ve most definitely remembered something such as that occurring.”
“Well, girls…that’s because none of you were born yet. Except Lucy, of course, but she was barely one when it happened.” Rita said uneasily. “I know what we all just went through was…rough…but, we think that the trip to Lake Eddy could help everyone take their minds off of it.” Rita said uneasily as she heard Lori scoff. “You seriously think taking a vacation is a good idea?”
“Lori-“
“NO, mom!” She cut her off, glaring angrily at her mother. “A vacation isn’t going to just FIX this little fucked up family or its problems!” She snapped, her mind racing. Ever since yesterday’s revelation concerning their father, Lincoln being correct and Lynn calling their mom and dad out, Lori couldn’t help but focus on just how many times her parents had chosen to side with them over their own son, or when they had chosen to just let them walk over each other to ‘work out’ their own issues by themselves. She couldn't help but let whatever ounce of respect she had for her parents start swirling away like it had been flushed down the toilet.
“*Sigh* We know, Lori.” Lynn Sr. spoke up with a sigh. “After he brought up the Loch incident, your mother and I agreed that we should’ve at least given him the benefit of the doubt with what he was saying.”
“Took you long enough.” They heard Jr. mutter under her breath.
“But we also think that this vacation could be good for ALL of us. All of you, plus us, need a chance to get away and recover mentally from yesterday, and Lincoln…and possibly Luan…likely need some time away from us all given all that’s happened.” He said as Lori crossed her arms and glared at him. “It’ll only be for the weekend, Lori. I promise, it’ll be fine.
Dib yawned as he munched on his cereal when he heard a knock at the door. “I’m coming!” He said loudly with a tired groan as he dragged himself to the front door. Sliding it open, he immediately found himself being tightly hugged by Lincoln. “Dude! What the…heck?” He said, annoyed at first before realizing he was crying. “I…I can’t…” He heard him mutter in between sobs as Dib hesitantly hugged his friend back. “It's okay Lincoln, it's… C’mon you can tell me about it over breakfast, I'll get Foodio to make you something.” Dib spoke, patting his back as he led Lincoln inside the house.
Notes:
Poor Lincoln has reached his limit, and he's all but given up hope, and the Loud’s have seen through some pure hell. As for what happened to Lisa, Lily and Lola? Well...if Lola was being put through something that made her get rid of her pageant stuff, imagine what Lisa and Lily went through! But anyways, Luna's redemption arc is officially underway and we've also planted the seeds for what Lucy's future will have, any guesses? But yeah, Lori has lost respect for her parents and Lincoln?...well you saw how he took it.
Next Time On Loud House'23:
For whom the Stock-mans!:
In order to cheer up his friend, Dib decides to take Lincoln to his father's inventor investors meeting and it's here they run into not only Lincoln's friend Stella, but also the mad scientist Baxter Stockman! While this is going on, the Loud’s start preparing for their Lake Eddy vacation as Lori and Luan struggle to help Luna.
Chapter 8: For Whom the Stock-Man’s
Notes:
Red: Welcome back to Loud House ‘23.
Geo: And this time… STUFF…and lots of it!! So without any further ado, ENJOY!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lincoln gave a tired sigh as he poked at his scrambled eggs.
“Damn…Lincoln, I’m sorry you went through that.” Dib said. “It’s fine…it’s not like it’s the first time I’ve been blamed for stuff when I wasn’t even around.” He said dejectedly.
“Also what the heck happened to your hair?”
“Hmm? Oh, you weren’t at school yesterday, were you? I got covered in a tar chicken prank, and my sister gave me some stuff to get it off. It did, but now my hair is permanently gray until it grows out enough to cut it.”
“But what about your eyebrows?”
“……I have no idea what to do about that part.” Lincoln sighed.
While Lincoln was sulking, Gaz walked over and sat next to him eating a bowl of cereal while staring at a DS Lite. “Ya know, snow gray, our dad is having this weird contest for inventors, so why not go there and see some uber nerds blow shit up?” She suggested as Dib smiled. “Gaz, that's a great idea!”
“Snow gray?” Lincoln questioned briefly as Dib continued.
“You could come with me and dad there this afternoon to get your mind off things with your family!” He said with an excited grin as Lincoln considered the offer. “Hmmm…I don’t know, Dib. Last time I did that, this situation happened.”
“Pfft. Lincoln, what’s the worst that could happen, it happening twice?” Dib brushed off while eating some eggs.
“Well….okay.” He said finishing his food and Gaz wiped her mouth and kissed his cheek, making Dib do a massive spit take after drinking from his glass of milk as she walked back to her room, leaving the empty bowl at the counter as Dib stared at her dumbfounded while Lincoln did the same with a shudder.
“Did… Did my sister seriously just kiss you? GENTLY?! Did I fall into a portal and get sucked into some reverse dimension?” Dib said blankly. “First she sleeps with you, now she’s being gentle! Something’s got to be wrong with her!”
“I…..have no words…” Lincoln said, still dumbfounded from what just happened.
“I still can’t believe she slept with you. We’re not even 13 yet and she already took some guys' innocence! She barely even knows you!” Dib said as Lincoln looked a bit uncomfortable. “Yeah……she…didn’t actually…go THAT far with me.”
“...What?”
“Yeah… just a…… blowjob… and some body rubbing…really really REALLY sensual…and soft…and awesome…and amazin-“
“Dude!” Dib said, rolling his eyes.
“I’m sorry! She’s just…I didn’t think skin could be that soft…”
“If you keep talking about her like that in front of me, I’m tossing you out the window.” He said with a glare.
“You can’t blame me Dib…your sister IS hot ... .plus it’s not my fault, you try saying ‘no’ to her.” Lincoln said as Dib pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Note to self; talk with Gaz about this….…In a bomb defusal suit…with kevlar.” He sighed.
Lincoln and Dib had made it to the Royal Woods Convention center where they saw tons of cars and large trucks in the parking lot. “Huh, didn’t really realize so many smart people lived in Royal Woods.”
“Oh, no. A lot of the people here came in from out of state to attend.” Dib said.
Huh. Hey, why didn’t we go with your dad? His car was in the driveway.”
“Oh, he was already here when you showed up. And that car is just for decoration, he has a different vehicle for actually going places.” Dib explained casually much to Lincoln’s shock as he led him inside where they saw a huge crowd of people, most of whom were wearing white lab coats over business suits or dresses.
“So, where is your dad?” Lincoln asked his big headed friend, who was currently looking around the large open room.
“Hmm, he’s probably somewhere near the back working on something.” Dib said as he and Lincoln walked through the crowded area.
“Man, there are so many scientists.” Lincoln said, bumping into someone after accidentally getting pushed to the side. “Oops, sorry about…Stella?” He said with wide eyes as his female friend turned around irritably, only for her look to change after seeing just who it was that bumped into her.
“Lincoln? What’re you doing here?” She asked as she was also wearing her backpack.
“I could ask you the same thing.” He said as Stella chuckled.
“Oh, I’m here with Dr. Doofenshmirtz, he’s an old friend of my mom’s from college and he needed an assistant to help with his uhhhh…new inventions…” She explained, sounding a bit uneasy with the last few words.
“What’s wrong? Did he make a bomb or something?” Lincoln asked jokingly.
“Nonono, it’s…well…you’ll see when he unveils them…so…your hair’s gray now…”
“Yeah……thanks for standing by while it happened, by the way.” Lincoln said, a bit bitterly as Stella flinched a bit, remembering how she and the others had just stood on the side and watched the tar feather prank play out. “Sorry, Lincoln…”
“Sorry doesn’t excuse having my friends watch me get covered in tar in front of our entire grade and peers.” Lincoln said, making her flinch again and look down in shame.
“...I…I’m sorry.” She said softly as he gave a sigh. “Look, not believing me about Pester is one thing. But just standing by while I get bullied in front of our class? None of you spoke up when they did it or even after!”
“I…..I….I know…and….I’m really sorry, Lincoln….I… none of us…want to get bullied….and…” She tried to say only for him to cut her off.
“So you just let it happen to me?”
Stella said nothing, instead choosing to look down ashamed as Lincoln sighed. “...Look, Stella…at least you tried to give an apology…. and… I guess I can give you another chance…” He said, albeit a bit reluctantly as she looked away, uncomfortably rubbing her shoulder. “As for the others……I don’t know if I can even call them friends after this.” He said with a sigh.
“E…Even Clyde?”
“……”
His silence was enough to answer Stella and tell her things truly were getting serious.
“Stella? Oh, Stella, where are you?” A nasally/raspy voice called out, snapping them out of it. “Huh?” Stella said. “Oh, that’s the doctor…I really am sorry, Lincoln…” She said sadly before turning away and shooting him a sad glance before walking away towards the direction where the doctor's voice had come from.
Lincoln sighed as he could see Dib waving to him excitedly, prompting him to go over to him. “Lincoln, where’d you go?”
“Sorry, I…got a phone call and had to answer it.”
“Oh. Well, nevermind that. I want you to meet someone!” Dib said as Lincoln saw a man wearing a white lab whose collar covered up with mouth massive thick black lab gloves and blue goggles… as well as typing away at a keypad on his wrist.
“Dad, this is my friend, Lincoln!” Dib said as the tall scientist looked down at the two of them and spoke in a deep, masculine voice. “Ahh, so you’re the boy my children have befriended.”
“Uhhhhh…yeah?...it’s nice to meet you.” Lincoln said as he shook his hand.
“I hope my insane son hasn’t been driving you too crazy with his paranormal ramblings.” He spoke bluntly as Lincoln saw Dib deflate.
“They’re not ramblings, dad.”
“Well, son, when you go on and on every day about the same kind of thing, that’s called rambling. So yes, they are, in fact, ramblings.” Professor Membrane said as Dib sighed.
“Huh….and I thought I had it bad.” Lincoln muttered under his breath. “So…Dib, about this contest, who do you think is gonna win?” Lincoln asked his friend.
“My dad. And NO it’s not because of bias whatsoever. My dad once literally made a generator that ran off of a tuna sandwich.”
“…How does that even make sense?!”
“Somehow he MADE it make sense…seriously this contest is all about which inventor is going to impress my dad and convince him to sponsor them, but he always submits his own invention in the end!”
“That…That sounds against the rules.”
“I’m convinced he has some device that emits radio waves that automatically lower everyone else's IQ when he’s around, that is the only way I could ever see him getting away with that scot free and NO ONE trying to sue him over that.” Dib said.
“EVERYONE, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!” A voice called out over the speakers as a screech of feedback from a microphone made everyone cover their ears in pain as Lincoln saw a man in a suit and lab coat with black glasses and a high top fade holding said mic smack a machine, causing the screeching to stop. “Damn thing. Apologies for that, someone didn’t properly set this up. I was merely giving everyone a warning that our little competition will begin in 5 minutes as soon as the clock reads 2.” He spoke, no longer sounding like he was screaming every word as every person in a lab coat began to hurriedly move around. Five minutes later, like he said, a bell went off as everyone was now standing beside various tarp covered objects as the man in question walked towards one while Professor Membrane watched with a clipboard and pencil in hand.
“I’m sure all of you are aware of the recent sightings of the creatures in Lake Eddy, correct? Well, there has recently been a sighting of a new creature spotted around the area that screams of someone playing God. And I have created a solution to deal with the problem before it potentially destroys the local ecosystem or spreads any mutated diseases to anything or anyone.” He declared proudly as he pulled back two tarps violently, revealing a duo of chrome colored machines, one child-sized and bipedal with bowed legs, the other smaller and on four shorter mechanical legs, both of then sharing a unique egg-shaped head with a thin zig-zagged slit going across vertically.
“Behold ladies and gentleman, my creations; the Mouser drones!!” He declared dramatically as murmurs filled the crowd followed by pens writing on paper.
“With these drones you’ll be able to solve any pest problem you have in no time flat! Racoons in the trash? Mouser drone! Possums running amuck in your backyard? Mouser drone! Children ruining your petunias and the housing authority refuses to believe you because said children are the niece and nephew of the head of the HOA who’s your godforsaken ex who SELFISHLY DUMPED YOU AT THE ALTAR JUST BECAUSE SHE HATED YOUR OLD MUSTACHE AND YOU CAN’T WAIT TO USE THE DRONES ON THOSE BRATS AND LAUGH AS THEY DEVOUR THEIR BODIES AND SAVOR THEIR BLOOD AND USING THEIR TEARS AS FUEL!?.........Mouser drone.” He spoke, clearing his throat.
“…………”
“…………”
“…………”
“…………”
“…………”
“…………”
“…………”
“Jesus Christ, you have issues.” Lincoln muttered a bit louder than intended.
“.....Now then the starting price to purchase one of these beauties is a low two thousand dollars with no back tax!” He said, prompting dozens of people in the crowd to start holding fistfuls of money clamoring in front of him.
“Hmmm, two thousand dollars with no back tax? That sounds amazing, especially the part about using drones on annoying children!” Professor Membrane said, writing on his own clipboard as Stockman took a bow and left off the stage.
*3 hours of no name nobodies later*
“Finally we come to the final contestant Dr. Doofenshmirtz.” Professor Membrane said as the crowd moved to face the hunched over scientist standing next to three tarps who, as they remembered correctly, saved an entire college from a bratty teen and a German psycho. “A-hem! Ladies and gentlemen! I come before you, with my greatest creations yet! Behold!” He declared loudly as he pulled back the first tarp, revealing…a wooden boat…which immediately drew many ‘ooooooh’s’ from the crowd. “I give you, THE BO-AT!” He said as he grabbed the second and third tarps next to him. “But that’s not all! I also give you…” He then pulled them back, revealing……a canoe and a plastic kayak. “THE CA-NOE AND THE KAY-YAK!”
“Ooooooh!”
Lincoln slowly turned his head in Stella’s direction, the girl in question looking beyond embarrassed. “…Stella…… please tell me he’s joking…” He said, giving her a deadpan look.
“...No… he’s not… I tried to tell him, but he was just so excited….” She sighed while pinching the bridge of her nose.
“Is this really all he has?”
“………”
“……Stella, why aren’t you answering me?”
“And if you would please turn your attention to the windows outside, please!”
“Oh dear God, there's more…” Lincoln groaned while Stella awkwardly looked away from him as the crowd all shuffled to the window where two massive tarps stood above an artificial lake outside. The doctor pressed a button and the two tarps blew away, revealing……a cargo ship and a designer yacht.
“Behold the SHI-P! And the YA-CHT!”
“Oooooooooooooooh!” The group exclaimed while writing on their clipboards again as some of them even took photos of them.
“.......Stella....please for the love of God say sike…” Lincoln asked as she covered her face in embarrassment.
“I ……can’t really explain this one.” Stella mumbled into her hands.
“Does he seriously think he invented five different types of boats?!”
“……M…Maybe…” She said as the crowd around started to clap and cheer for him.
“Incredible!!” Professor Membrane exclaimed as he ran over and looked at the ‘new’ ‘inventions’. “So you’ve developed several new forms of water travel!? Amazing!!” He exclaimed as Dib facepalmed so hard he nearly left a bruise. He REALLY wanted to explain to his father that what he was seeing wasn’t really new but he knew how his father could get when it came to stuff like this. ‘It’s times like this where I question if I really am related to him…’ He thought to himself.
“Why didn’t you say something to him?” Lincoln continued asking Stella.
“I…I couldn’t bring myself to. The doctor’s just so nice and he looked so excited and I didn’t want to ruin that good mood for him.” Stella said as Professor Membrane cleared his throat.
“I believe we have a clear cut winner! But we need to put it to a vote!” he exclaimed as he snapped his fingers and voter cards dropped into everyone’s hands and clipboards.
“Everyone check off the box you want to win the contest! And we shall tally the votes on a computer!” He said loudly so everyone could hear him.
“Please! What purpose do votes have, we all know I am the clear cut winner.” Stockman bragged.
“Now, now Dr. Stickball, what good is declaring a winner without the suspense of a vote count?” Professor Membrane said dismissively
-”....I suppose you’re right.” He grumbled as he checked off his own card and placed it into a mechanical tower with a slot box attached that was connected to a TV screen.
“Now then it’s time for the final tally!!” Professor Membrane stated as the screen flashed for several seconds before showing off the votes…..which Doofenshmirtz won in a landslide as Stockman only had 1 percent of votes.
“………I’m sorry, what?” Both Lincoln and Stockman said simultaneously in disbelief.
“WE HAVE A WINNER!!!” Professor Membrane shouted as the crowd went wild as Stockman felt his eye twitch as he looked around and saw nobody watching him as he pulled out a small remote and pressed a few buttons on it before crushing it beneath his heel. Upon doing this, the yellow eyes of his drones started to light up just as Doofenshmirtz stepped onto the stage.
“Oh thank you thank you! You’re all too kind.” He said as Professor Membrane handed him a giant check with a large amount of money written on it as the large bipedal drone slowly turned its head in his direction.
“I’d like to thank my dearest old friend Balloony, my daughter Vanessa and…”
*ZAP!!*
“The giant robot that just blasted my check…..wait hold on…” He said as he looked down at the searing hole in the center of the check, just barely missing him as everyone turned to look at the bipedal drone, its left optical letting a trail of steam as it shuttered back closed.
“My Mouser!!” Stockman yelled as he took out a calculator that looked eerily similar to his previous remote.
“Oh no I can’t shut it off! It’s been hacked!!” He exclaimed in a panic a bit too overdramatically. Luckily nobody really noticed his acting as the smaller drone came online and lunged into the crowd, causing them to scream and run around in a frenzy.
“I can’t see it!”
“Where did it go?!”
“Why is it so fast?!”
Lincoln heard the faint sound of fabric tearing as turned his head to see a tarp being torn apart from the inside, revealing 6 identical copies of both Mouser drones that began to charge into the now panicking crowd that was rushing to the nearest exit. “Lincoln!” He heard Stella call out as he saw a glimpse of her getting violently shoved and dragged with the surging crowd through the doorway.
“Stella!!” Lincoln shouted as he tried to climb over the surging crowd, only for pain to shoot through his leg as he saw one of the bipedal Mousers had clamped its jaws down on his calve, tearing the fabric and piercing his flesh.
“Get off me!” He exclaimed with a yelp as he kicked at its head, leaving no damage to it except for a gray smudge on its chrome shell. “Dib! A little help here!”
“Don’t worry, pal, I gotcha!!” Dib shouted as he pressed a few buttons on his watch and launched a grappling hook towards Lincoln, who grabbed it and held on tightly as Dib grabbed onto the stage and reeled the boy towards him, dragging the drone along the floor with him with a loud scraping. “Come on, get off!” Lincoln exclaimed, feeling its jaws digging deeper with each second as it threatened to tear his leg off at the knee.
“Hang on!!” A heavily muffled voice said as the drone found its neck being severed by a sharp straight sword with a flat pointed.
“What the?!” Lincoln exclaimed as he fell to the floor and looked up in front of him to see someone wearing all black, save for a dark orange scarf around their neck.
“You okay?” He asked, holding his hand out.
“Uhhhhhhh…yeah thanks?” Lincoln said as he was helped up.
“You get somewhere safe….” He told him as the rest of the Mousers growled at the person who shut one of them down. “I got this one covered.” He said, twirling his sword a bit as, before Lincoln could try to argue, Dib started dragging him beneath the stage, leaving a smeared trail of blood in their place
“Dib! What the hell!?” Lincoln said.
“Gee, no need to thank me for saving you.” Dib snarked sarcastically as they both watched the newcomer fight off the Mousers.
“Take this! Ninja throwing stars!!” He exclaimed, jumping back while throwing three sharpened stars at two engaging drones, one breaking ones eyes and another leaving a scratch on its head while the third was caught in the second ones jaws and crushed by the pressure.
“Ninja…Ninja trippin’ balls!!” He shouted as he threw a series of marbles towards the feet of the two drones, causing them to slip as he twirled their sword in their hand, causing it to ignite in fire as he split it into two separate swords.
“Ninja boomerang fire swords!!” He shouted as he threw the swords at the two mouser drones, not only igniting them in fire but also causing them to explode as both blades flew back towards them and he turned the two swords back into one.
“Ok, I think he’s just making stuff up as he goes.” Dib commented off-handedly as he slowly pried the severed Mouser head’s jaws open, freeing Lincoln’s now bloodied leg.
“Who else wants some?!” He said, just as one of the crawling Mouser’s jumped them from behind and snagged onto his scarf, tightening it around his neck as it swung the ninja violently into a wall.
“....ahh…..a volunteer.” He said, his voice now a bit raspy on top of the muffledness. The mysterious ninja ripped his scarf from it’s mouth and jumped high into the air with their sword.
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHh!!!!!” The ninja yelled as they brought the sword down onto the robot’s head and struck for the gap in its vertical mouth. ‘Come on! Open up and say ‘ahhh’!’ He thought, smirking behind his mask as he saw its vertical slit start to open, only to go wide eyed as it jumped back and his sword only sliced through a plate of metal. Jumping back themselves, the ninja looked at the crawling Mouser…and saw it had a second set of jaws inside, this one horizontal and now sporting a missing section from the swing.. “Ok…I didn’t see that coming…” He said aloud as two more crawling drones zoomed towards the ninja, their double jaws open as the ninja side stepped one and thrusted towards the second one's mouth, watching as the jaws clamped down on the sword's tip violently.
“Hey! Let go!!” He growled as the Mouser swung the ninja around and threw him towards the back wall again, this time sending him tumbling through. With the ninja no longer present in the room, the remaining drones all turned their attention to Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Professor Membrane, who had elected to climb aboard one of the doctors ‘inventions’, and use another as a makeshift barrier in favor of getting trampled by the crowd.
“Great, death by giant rodent eating robots…..I always pictured me dying by vending machine.” Doof said as Professor Membrane looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
“Huh, you as well?...I KNEW vending machines were evil!” He exclaimed as the Mousers jumped on the ka-yak and started tearing into it as the two scientists crouched down and used the ka-yak as a cover for the bo-at.
“Hang on! I’ll save you!” The ninja shouted as he crawled back inside through the hole and sliced through two more crawling Mousers and ran towards the two and swung his sword, cutting through two more bipedal mousers and one crawling drone.
Meanwhile, Dib was wrapping up Lincoln’s leg with gauze. “Don’t worry, bud, that ninja guy will take care of everything…I hope”
“Hmm……hey, where did you get the gauze?” Lincoln asked.
“Don’t worry about it.” Dib said as he started to feel a cold and hot wind blowing.
“What in the name of Billy Joe Cobra?” Dib muttered as he and Lincoln watched as the ninja had jumped into the air with his legs crossed as dust and wind started to visibly swirl around him. The remaining Mousers all growled as they charged the ninja, only for him to open his eyes, his left blue and right red as he held open both hands.
“NINJA ICY-HOT AIR FISTS!!!!” He shouted as he launched two massive fists made of fire and ice-based energy which collided with the drones, destroying them for good as well as covering the entire room in melting ice rain.
“………I……have no scientific explanation for what the heck just happened in front of us…” Dib said, his eyes wide open and haw threatening to fall off just as the ninja landed in front of them.
“You two alright?” He asked as Dib propped Lincoln up on his shoulder.
“Yeah…thanks for the help…” Lincoln said…..just as the police arrived along with a news van outside.
“Well that’s just fan-fucking-tastic…” Lincoln grumbled as hordes of hordes of cops, cameras and paparazzi came barreling in, first and foremost NOT being Katherine Mulligan like he would’ve thought, but instead…a buff 3 foot tall man in a suit.
“I’m Dimmesdale's former news anchor and current news anchor for Royal Woods; Chet Ubetcha, here because local scientist Bailey Suckmeoff-
“OKAY, NOW YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST DOING IT ON PURPOSE!!”
“- claimed that someone has sabotaged his brand new invention!” Chet spoke as he shoved the microphone into Stockman’s face. “Mr. Snickerpoodle, please explain what happened.” He questioned, shoving the microphone in the scientists face and ignoring his twitching eye.
“....Yes…” He grumbled before clearing his throat. “I had discovered that my inventions, the Mouser drones, were sabotaged to attack the people in this fine establishment and I have yet to find out who would do such a thing,” He said, clearly lying through his teeth.
“Hmmmm, yes, whom indeed, Mr. Manstock-”
“……Okay, now THAT I’ll accept!"
“WHOM would be dumb enough to ruin something for the sake of being national TV?” Chet spoke….just as the Camera zoomed over to Lincoln.
“..............That’s it, I give up.” Lincoln said, throwing his hands up as he hobbled his way out the door just as the cameras turned over to the ninja.
“Oh? And whom might you be?” Chet spoke as the ninja gave a chuckle “Me? They call me! The ninja! Protector of the weak, hero to the innocent, someone that may or may not have watched waaaay too much anime, but who’s asking really?” He chuckled. “But before you ask anymore questions, Mr. Ubetcha, YES I was the one who stopped those crazy robots.” He said as Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat.
“Oh, yes, it’s true. This ninja guy swooped in like some secret agent platypus and saved us all!....I just hope my assistant is okay, she got carried away by the crowd when the Mousers attacked, I hope they didn’t hurt her..” He explained. “Also, why were you turning your camera to Lisa’s brother?”
“ANYWAY!” Chet exclaimed, avoiding the question entirely. “So Mr. ninja, take it you’re gonna be the hero of Royal Woods?” Chet asked.
”Oh yeah! You know I am in case crazy stuff like this happens again just know THE ninja WILL BE THERE!! SMOKE BOMB!!”
The ninja shouted as he violently threw a smoke bomb down at his feet, filling the area with red smoke and vanished into thin air as everyone present coughed.
“Heuuugh! This smoke smells like farts!”
Lincoln and Dib were sitting on the steps of Dib’s house as the boy genius gave a chuckle.
“Well….that was eventful huh?” he said as Lincoln sighed and just rested his head on his knees.
“That ninja… he just came out of nowhere moments after that Stackmonsoon guy ‘conveniently’ lost control of his robots!” Lincoln exclaimed.
“You caught on to that, too?”
“Dib, he tried to pass off a calculator as a remote control. I’d have to be blind to not see it.”
“…Well, look on the bright side, pal…at least you didn’t get blamed for this.” Dib spoke…as Rusty rode by on his bike tossing newspapers everywhere.
“Extra extra read all about it! Royal woods has a new ninja superhero. Local crazy boy Loco Lincoln is even crazier for sabotaging respected scientist Bobo Slapmoon!” He shouted delivering the papers as he happily rode off as Lincoln gave a small snarl and tossed a rock at his head, causing Rusty to be sent flying into the windshield of an oncoming car being driven by Mrs. Cramdilly, who screamed in fear as her car swerved off a nearby cliff and into the ocean which was then eaten by a giant sea monster who proceeded to explode and send the two of them into the air where they were hit by a jet plane as the pilot screamed and crashed said jet plane into the Royal Woods cactus farm, which then lit on fire and exploded before the Earth underneath it opened up a massive fissure and swallowed the entire thing, which then exploded again for good measure.
“...I’m okay.” Mrs. Cramdilly groaned out in pain with a long echo.
“Man, poor old Mrs. Cramdilly.” Dib said as Lincoln sat back down. “Dib?....maybe I should just…give up and let Pester win. Maybe then people will see I’m not crazy” Lincoln grumbled as Dib gave a smile and took a deep breath and began to sing while standing up.
“So things look bad, and your back's against the wall.”
“Why’re you singing?” Lincoln questioned.
“Your whole existence seems fuckin' hopeless.”
Dib began walking behind Lincoln while reaching into his pocket.
“You're feelin' lower than the Loud House Twitter blog.”
He pulled out his phone showing off the show’s official twitter page and the numerous hate comments it gets for just merely existing.
“Can't face the world sober and dopeless.”
He put his phone away and started curtling his gray haired friend.
“You've lost your way, you think your life is wrecked.”
Lincoln then took a deep sigh as Dib came to a stop and began to sport a smile.
“Well, let me just say you're…correct!”
Lincoln’s head then suddenly snapped over to Dib. “Wait, what?” He questioned as Dib poked his nose and began to start dancing.
“You're a loser, Lincoln.
A loser, and I’m thinkin that
You're a fucked up little whiny bitch!”
“Hey!” Lincoln snapped as Dib danced around him.
“You're a loser, just like me!”
“Wow. Thanks, asshole.” He muttered, flipping Dib off.
“You're a screws-loose hoser,
A whiny little poser!
You're a nerdy dope who's never heard-a soap!
But you got company!”
“This is supposed to make me feel better? And I bathe plenty thank you!” Lincoln exclaimed as Dib had his back to him, tapping his foot rhythmically.
“There was a time I thought that no one could relate,
To the gruesome ways in which my life’s wrought!
But lettin' walls down, it can sometimes set you straight!
We're both cut from the same shitty cloth!”
“The whole town thinks I'm just some crazy freak!”
Dib smirked, pulled out his phone and showed Lincoln the stuff HE had been in before his family moved to Royal Woods, such as the baby bigfoot incident. “HA! And you think that makes you unique? Get outta here, man!” He scoffed playfully, extending a hand out to Lincoln and pulling him up on his feet.
“We're both losers, baby
We're losers, it's okay to be-”
“Clearly the unfavorite in a family of 11?” Lincoln said a bit snarkily as Dib cringed. “Uhh, a little self-deprecating but hey, we can make it work!”
Hearing this, Lincoln shook his head and smiled as he took a deep breath.
“I'm a loser, buddy!
A lousey, fuddy-duddy,
But at least I know I'm not alone!”
“You're a loser,
Just like me!” Dib sang as he and Lincoln were now back to back. “I got an appetite for tinkerin'!”
“I got an appetite for thinkin’ up contingency plans for my crazy life!” Lincoln sang along, now feeling the rhythm with Dib.
“Go ahead buddy, sing that song, come on!”
“A Goth emo-chick almost took my flower!”
“I got a lot of strong brain power-“ Dib looked at his beeping watch as it cut him off. “Hey, our curfew’s almost up!”
“We’ll get grounded if we’re not home in an hour!” They both sang in unison as they sat back down on the porch.
“You're a loser, Lincoln.”
“A loser, and I’m thinkin if we-”
“Just stick together, things will end up differently.” They sang together before once again dancing as Dib took another breath
“It's time to lose your self-loathin'!
Excuse yourself, let hope in, buddy!
Play your card, be who you are!”
“A loser, just like-Ow!!” Dib shouted as Gaz had thrown a stapler at his head, ending their duet.
“If you two twinkies are done making out get your asses in the house it’s gonna rain soon!!” she called out as Dib gave a sigh and rubbed the sore spot on his head.
“Ugh. Gaz… that’s the third time she interrupted my music number!” he grumbled as Lincoln chuckled. “Hey, Dib?”
“Yeah?”
“...Thanks.” He said as Dib wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Any time buddy anytime” he said as they walked inside the house.
“...Lincoln.” He heard Gaz say as she walked up to him and grabbed his hands.
"Lincoln, quería que supieras que incluso si sientes que no tienes lugar en el mundo, debes saber que tienes uno aquí con mi hermano y conmigo, mi amor.” (*1) She spoke in Spanish with a small blush on her cheeks but that blush turned full on red Lincoln replied back. "Gracias Gaz, significa mucho para mí oírte decir eso.”(*2) He said, speaking verru fluently as he kissed her cheek.
“...Dude, you speak Spanish?” Dib asked in shock and disbelief as he watched his sister look like she was getting flustered and wished dearly he had a hidden camera to catch the moment.
“Yeah… I know a little thanks to an old friend of mine.” Lincoln chuckled.
Baxter Stockman was inside of his apartment pacing around in a circle.
“Those fools! How dare they award that… that… absolute buffoon Doofenshmirtz! He didn't even invent anything! He just made five fucking boats!!” He exclaimed in pure disbelief. “To make matters worse, that ninja destroyed my drones….UGH!! I swear if I ever see another ninja, I'm gonna scream!” He growled….just as a swirl of black smoke appeared behind him.
“Stockman.” A feminine voice spoke in a cold tone.
“IT’S FUCKING STOCKMAAAaaaaa…… oh…He-Hello, Karai……you uhhhhh… You look nice this evening.” He spoke with a nervous smile as he found his lab coat pinned to the wall by a ninja star.
“EEP!”
“Silence your tongue, you low-life insect.....We’re getting tired of waiting for you to deliver the goods after that disaster that was broadcasted on TV earlier today…If I had my way, I would have... relieved you of your duties.” She spoke as he gave a nervous gulp.
“....BUT….The Master still has use for you…so….he told me to inform you that our enemy was spotted amongst the shores of Lake Eddy….you are to rebuild your more efficient drone models and send them off to eliminate him…” She spoke as her deep purple eyes glared at him in shadows.
“Of course! Of course, I was going to rebuild the drones anyway so… you can count on me to get rid of him!!” He chuckled as sweat poured down his face.
“Good…..you have three days to rebuild the drones and one week to destroy him, we know a target such as the one we are hunting is nigh impossible to properly deal with so we’re going to give you an extension on this deadline… succeed and you keep all your limbs… fail and we take all your limbs…well not all of them… maybe we’ll just leave your head in a jar…” She spoke with a cold edge.
Stockman gave a terrified gulp as Karai snapped her fingers and vanished in a cloud of black smoke with the only thing she left behind being a bloody stain on the floor in the shape of a jagged 3 pronged emblem.
Notes:
Geo: Bet you guys weren't expecting a musical number in this, huh? Let alone one from Hazbin Hotel! And we got the introduction to a few new characters, one is Karai! (And I know what your’re thinking YES that means THEY will be showing up next) as well as.....The ninja......Yeah.... the ninja…
Red:…… Anyway guys… we’re planning on finally updating One Helluva Loud House next, so we hope you all look forward to that and also be sure to figure out all the shoutouts/references we added in the chapter.
(*1: Lincoln, I wanted to let you know that even if you feel that you have no place in the world, you should know that you have one here with my brother and I, my love.)
(*2: Thank you Gaz, it means a lot to me to hear you say that.)
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RedOnyx42 on Chapter 1 Thu 06 Mar 2025 09:48PM UTC
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