Chapter Text
The Justice League was having a meeting, this was normal. This wasn’t anything new. What was new though was that Batman wasn’t at the Hall of Justice for the meeting, but rather he’d joined the meeting through a video call.
He’d done this a few times over the years, whenever he’d gone through something that left him unable to leave Gotham unattended. Or when Alfred threatened him into staying home after an injury.
The other Leaguers didn’t mind much, sure not having Batman there always felt a bit off, but plenty of them had times where they’d joined via video call too. And hey, without Batman there they were allowed to snack during the meeting.
Today though, Batman wasn’t tired. He’d stayed up for most of the previous night chasing Penguin around Gotham, and a hard hit to the ribs from a goon that managed to land a surprise attack on him. And Christmas was two weeks away, this was vey important! It meant he had tons of things to get sorted out before the holidays came. Though the other Leagues were all oblivious to any of that.
“Is that everything” Batman asked after Superman was done going through the PowerPoint he’d prepared for the meeting.
Clark glanced from his presentation over to Batman on the screen. Batman was calling them from his computer in the Batcave, it have the league a perfect view of the Batcave from behind him. They could see several of his vehicles, some black leather couches in the corner, a wall filled with gadgets, and something that looked like a giant dinosaur?
“That’s everything B” Clark said cheerfully. Seeing the Batcave on screen made him a little upset, he’d always wanted to get an invite from Bats to visit. He’d taken B to the Fortress of Solitude several times and he wanted to see the base his best friend had created, and it definitely had nothing to do with his crush on the other hero. Nope, absolutely not so ever.
It had nothing to do with him wanting to know about the other man. Earn more of his trust, make him feel comfortable enough to reveal his identity, perhaps find out if he’s interested in dating Metahumans.
Batman hummed from the other side of the screen, “Very well, I have work to do. We’ll catch up at the next meeting. Goodbye…” he the pressed a button on his keyboard and began pulling a file from his hard drive.
“Bye B” Superman waved goodbye to the screen.
And all should have been fine…..
Everyone at the Hall of Justice should have also said their goodbyes and gone their separate ways. But they were all frozen in their seats, staring at the video screen they’d been speaking with. Because……
Batman didn’t hang up. They could still see him in the Batcave. Though he wasn’t looking at them anymore, rather, he was typing furiously on his keyboard while looking at one of his side monitors.
“Uhhh Batman?” Superman asked out loud. He thought I’d be weird for B to not hang up. But he just chalked it up to maybe B not pressing the computer key hard enough, honest mistake. He’d just let the vigilante know and then he’d hang up.
But Batman didn’t react at all..
“Hello?” Barry Allen called out.
“I think he just muted himself” Hal Jordan spoke up from his seat.
“Oh, how do we tell him?” Arthur asked the group.
Green Arrow blinked at his team mates, “Anybody got his number?”
“Nope” Barry said with extra emphasis on the ‘p’.
Hal raised an eyebrow, “He has a phone?”
Superman fumbled around the table, looking for the remote control to the video monitor in the meeting room. It was probably buried under a pile of papers he’d brought with notes on their topics and several bags of chips the team had snacked on during the meeting. “Let’s just cut the….”
Hal stopped Clark in his tracked when he suddenly slammed a fist on the tale, “Oh my fucking god he’s taking off the suit!”
Clark turned around instantly to look at the screen, “What!” His blue eyes were blown wide. Because up on the screen…..Batman was in fact, taking the suit off.
He started by simply pulling out his gauntlets, then he removed his utility belt and placed it onto the table. Then he removed his cape, carefully dripping it behind his chair. The dark knight then got up and removed the top of his armor. Everything came off, until Batman only remained in a grey body suit. But, as he’d been removing the layers of his getup, his undershirt had rolled up, revealing his stomach and part of his upper chest.
“He’s jacked!” Barry yelled in shock. They’d never seen so much of Batman’s skin before, except for times when he’d been injured. And all those times they were more focused on stopping any bleeding than getting a good look at the Bat’s body.
Hal snorted. “Like you couldn’t tell from the suit.”
“Okay I knew he was jacket, but my god look at how many scars he’s got” Oliver remarked. It was the first time they’d actually gotten a good look at Batman’s skin, and his stomach and upper body was littered with scars. They could even see a scar that had to be trailing up his arm when the bat had rolled up part of his under suit’s sleeve.
Barry felt a chill run down his spine, “Remind me not to get in his bad side.”
“Me too” Dinah agreed.
Because yeah, they all had scars. It was a normal thing for super heroes to have. But several of them had Metahumans superpowers, special healing powers. And Superman, and Wonder Woman were just straight up impenetrable. But Batman was a mere human.
Meanwhile, Clark’s mind had gone completely haywire. He was essentially watching his crush get out of his suit for the first time.
“He is taking removing his cowl” J’onn remarked as he gazed up once again at the screen. For even him, despite his super abilities did not know Batman’s true identity, as he’d never read the man’s mind. Batman had always treated his identity as a boundary, and J’onn was willing to respect it.
Hal threw his hands in the air frantically, “No way are we actually gonna see his face, this has to be a joke. He’s pranking us, there’s no way he doesn’t know that camera is on….”
But he was wrong. For Batman swiftly pulls his cowl back from his head. Clearly obvious to the fact that anyone was watching him.
Batman’s hair was black! This was a great discovery, because he’d never told them this. In fact, the league had a secret betting pool on what his hair color had to be. And right now everyone owed Diana and Barry a lot of money for being right. But they still couldn’t see Batman’s face.
“Of course he has a built in face filter” Allen barked out a laugh and fell into his chair. They could see Batman’s sweaty hair now, hit his face was completely blurred beyond recognition.
“Boooo, buss kill!” Hal protested.
Clark could feel his cheeks heating up. This was fine, he’d just found out Batman had black hair and that it looked soft and curly. It was clearly sweaty from being under the cowl, but man did Clark want to run his fingers through it just to see what it would be like. He’d been crushing on Batman for a couple years, two or three, he honestly couldn’t remember when his feelings for the other man had changed from just friendship to a crush. He’d been one to believe Batman had brown hair, but black hair was fine too. “Okay guys, I think we’ve seen enough. Let’s cut it here and..”
“Wait! Look, someone’s gonna attack him!” Diana finally spoke up. She pointed to a figure dressed in black who was in the Batcave, walking slowly behind Batman.
Clark raised an eyebrow in alarm, “Huh?” He’d memorized Batman’s heart beat years ago, and yes he may selfishly listen to it to fall asleep sometimes. But he’d never tried listening for it when in Gotham as he didn’t want to breach B’s trust. But he wasn’t above doing that right now in case B was in danger.
But as the figure drew closer the could get a better look at him. It was a man wearing a full body black and blue suit. And Diana’s eyes sparkled with recognition, “Isn’t that the warrior from Blüdhaven?”
They watched as Nightwing got closer and closer to Batman, who was still seated in his chair typing. But as he finally got right behind the bat, Batman finally spoke up.
“Don’t even think about it” he spoke in a low tone. But not in his usual scolding vigilante tone, more of a tired father tone.
The hero frowned and gripped at Batman’s shoulders, “Aw cmon I thoughtt I’d finally get you.” He then let go of the bat and leaned against the table, his back now in view of the Justice League.
“Is that Nightwing?” Barry asked.
“Yep it’s him” Dinah confirmed.
Oliver hummed. “I knew he worked with Batman, but I didnt know he knew who Batman is.”
Back on the screen, Batman let out a low hum. “You’ll have to do better than that if you want to scare me.”
The young man next to him groaned, “I liked it better when I was a kid and you’d at least pretend to be scared.” He then stood up straight and began pacing around the Batcave.
“Wait…” Hal said very loudly, “…that’s his kid!”
Diana gasped, “Nightwing is Batman’s child?” She was trying to put these pieces together. She’d seen how Batman had a soft spot for children, even carrying candy for them in his utility belt. But he’d never mentioned being a father.
Barry placed a hand under his chin, “I thought he was just a sidekick, but dam.”
“Wait, does that mean there’s a Mrs Batman?” Arthur was asking the real questions.
Clark felt his heart skip yet another beat at that. He met Nightwing before, he knew the boy had once been Robin. He’d went on countless missions with Batman and Robin years ago. But Batman had never answered when Clark would ask if Robin was his child or not. But now it was all but confirmed, even though Clark had just assumed the answer was yes. He’d thought that perhaps something had happened to the boy’s mother and that was why Batman didn’t like to talk about it.
Back when they were just friends Clark didn’t mind it. Batman was entitled to his privacy, and he was protective of Robin so it would make sense for the boy to be his son. But now that Clark harbored feelings for the other? Well he didn’t mind Batman being a father, he’d always seen Robin as a child he would protect and care for with all his life. So having that boy as his stepchild wouldn’t bother him, but the thought of Batman’s lover, Robin’s mother still being alive? That thought made his heart clench.
“You think someone would marry Spooky?” Hal said, as if marrying Batman would be the worse thing in the world. The man of steel and wanted to tell him off, but bit his tongue. The only people Clark had told about his crush were Diana, Lois, and his parents, and he wasn’t about to leave it in the open.
“Aren’t you supposed to be patrolling?” Batman asked the young man.
Nightwing shook his head, “Not right now. I actually want to ask you something.”
That made Batman stop typing. He even turned his chair, so now the League could only see part of his side profile and his back. “What is it?”
Nightwing took in a large breath, “Okay so. I know we bought the ring like a month ago but I don’t know when I should ask her…”
“Wait. He’s asking Batman for dating advice?” Dinah raised a questioning eyebrow.
“I have to hear this” Hal leaned a little forward onto the table. This had captured his full attention. Mr rain cloud party popper was about to give relationship advice.
“I agree” Arthur also leaned forward.
Meanwhile, Nightwing kept pacing and even scratched the back of his neck, “Like maybe I should give it to her during the Christmas party. But would that be too awkward? Like I know she’d probably like a proposal with all our friends there but still….”
Batman got up from his chair and walked over to the young man. He stopped right in front of Nightwing, and placed a hand on the other’s shoulder. “Look chum. You’d been together for years, you asked her to move in with you less than a minute before jumping out of a burning building. I know she’ll say yes no matter how of where you ask her.”
Nightwing hugged him, making the entire Justice League do a double take. “Thanks B.”
Batman ruffled the man’s hair affectionately, “Now you’ll have to tell me who’s staying for Christmas this year.” Because when Dick was still Robin, there was a year when Titan Tower got destroyed right before Christmas. Rather than letting the young heroes, several who had no family to go to. Bruce decided to simply let them stay at the manor, well the ones who didn’t have families anyway. And as the years came and went it became a tradition, and every year the manor would be filled with young heroes who’d stay for the holidays.
Batman then began walking back to his chair, and for a heartbeat the league thought he’d finally notice he hadn’t left the meeting.
Nightwing grinned, “Sure, thing. Well everyone who always comes is coming, but Donna said she’s try to come this year too.”
Diana perked up at that, “Donna?” Donna would always spent Christmas with her. Sometimes in her home island, sometimes in her home in Washington. Or even with other Justice League members.
“I’ll tell Alfred to arrange another guest room then” Batman took his seat again.
Superman swallowed thickly, trying not to think too hard about the implications that several heroes out there knew Batman’s identity while he didn’t. “I think we’re gonna run out of rooms.”
But Barry raised his hand, “So Batman is hosting a Christmas party?”
“How come we were never invited” Hal asked with a frown.
Superman clasped his hands together, “We can ask him later now I really think….”
He was cut off by the loud sound of an engine roaring.
They all saw as a motorcycle drove into the Batcave, with two figures sitting on it. One driving and one with his arms wrapped around the first figure.
“Is that fucking Red Hood!?” Hal shouted! Back when Red Hood had first appeared in Gotham, Batman had added him to his file of criminals. But he’d updated it years ago and changed his status to vigilante, though perhaps the other league members didn’t read his updated files.
Diana tilted her head in question, “The underworld criminal.”
“No way he’s working with Batman” Dinah said in full confidence.
They watched as the bike came to a stop and the first figure hopped off. And sure, it was Red Hood. He got up and then picked up the second figure up in a bridal carry. The second figure had a bandage wrapped around their shoulder, covered in red blotches….
Oliver squinted his eyes, “Wait hold up….is that Roy!” His old sidekick was currently being carried by a freaking crime lord. He wasn’t surprised by that honestly, he knew Roy had been involved in a new team…the Outlaws if he’s not mistaken. But the both of them had cut contact with one another long ago.
Arthur gazed a puzzled look, “Your kid knows who Batman is?”
“That’s rough” Hal patted the archer’s shoulder.
They watched as Nightwing approached the two new figures in the Batcave. “Hey Littlewing” he waved hello.
“Not now Dickhead!” Red Hood snarled.
“Ouch” Barry said.
Hal clicked his tongue, “Yep that’s totally Red Hood.”
“What happened?” Nightwing asked when he finally noticed the bleeding man in Jason’s arms.
“Roy got shot!” Red Hood started rushing towards the Batcave infirmary.
Both Batman and Oliver jumped off of their chairs. “What!” Batman got up in less than a second and began following both his sons. “Get him to the medical bay, I’ll call Alfred”
“How did this even happen?” Nightwing asked.
“I’ll explain later….” Red Hood growled.
Oliver was now standing his eyes blown bloodshot wide. “R-Roy got shot and he went to Batman?”
Dinah went to console him, “It’s alright Oliver, I’m sure there’s an explanation for this.”
“Yes. I Batman must have a reason to allow this Red Hood to come into his cave” J’onn agreed with the blonde.
They watched for a minute in full silence, until Batman and Red Hood returned. Red Hood had now taken off his helmet and jacket, but his face was blurry like Batman’s.
“He’ll be fine Jay” Batman assured the young man.
“Thanks” the young man sat down on one of the black leather couches in the cave.
Nightwing then returned to the screen and plopped down next to Red Hood. He tapped his knees in question, “Soooo, why did he kick you out of the room?”
Red Hood groaned and crossed his arms, tilting his head back over the couch, “Uh he said it my fault he go shot when it fucking wasn’t.”
Nightwing rolled his eyes under his mask, “Sure.”
Red Hood shoved him, but not hard enough for Nightwing to fall off the couch. “It’s true. I told him to duck and he didn’t, but at least I got the guy who shot him.”
“You didn’t kill him, right?” Batman asked as he looked over the two boys.
The league couldn’t see the smirk Jason had on his face behind the blur, “Maybe….”
“Oh so he lets that guy kill people?” Hal said in exasperation. He didn’t know if he’d be able to keep quiet about this when they saw Batman again.
“This is getting juicy” Barry said as he ran to the kitchen to grab a soda can. He’d already drank on during the meeting, but the show was just too good.
“So, what’s on schedule for today?” Red Hood asked the bat.
“I have to attend the Christmas Gala. So Nightwing is leading patrol” he said it casually.
The Justice League was about to lose it.
“Hold up, is he talking about the Wayne Gala tonight?” Oliver asked. Not even he was going to attend that.
The League always wondered where the heck Batman got so much money from. The man did own all their buildings, and funded the construction of the Watchtower in space. But now it made sense….
“So Batman really is a Gotham rich guy” Hal jumped the gun.
“He did mention having a job during the day. Perhaps he is a business man” Diana chimed in.
“You guys think he makes executives pee themselves in a board room outside of the suit too?” Barry asked with a laugh.
“Would that not bring suspicion to his identity?” J’onn challenged.
“Well there’s plenty of rich people in Gotham. And Batman is smart enough to blend in” Oliver countered.
Arthur laughed, “And your friend Bruce Wayne must make his life easier.”
Clark couldn’t argue. Bruce Wayne dominated the tabloids of Gotham, and even outside Gotham. A business man who’s strict and cunning with his board the same way Batman is with the Justice League….well that isn’t as interesting as one of the world’s richest men claiming the world is flat during an interview.
But he did wonder what Batman did in his day to day life outside the suit. He had to be a good father, at least he seemed to be to Nightwing. But also, if he was about to attend the Wayne Christmas….that means he’d be in the same room as Clark would be.
Lois was supposed to be the one going, but she got sick last week and was still recovering, so naturally Perry assigned it Clark. Clark had been to a lot of Bruce Wayne’s events over the years, and spoken to the man every single time. Bruce seemed like a nice person, though he always seemed to be a little tense and fidgety when speaking to Clark, but the Kryptonian though it has to a be a side effect of all the alcohol he drank.
But Wayne wasn’t the one rich person Clark knew. Sure he didn’t know all the Gotham elites, but he’s spoken to many over the years, gotten quotes, and one lady even asked if he was single. And if Batman was amongst them, it meant Clark has probably seen Batman outside the suit, had seen his face, maybe even spoken to him. Gosh, maybe he’d actually spoken to his crush in his day life and didn’t even know it! He clutched the projector’s remote, “Alright I think we’ve seen enough of this….”
“Is that a cow!” Diana pointed to the screen again. And sure enough, a cow showed up behind Red Hood and Nightwing. The elder one began to pet the cow, while the younger groaned again as Batcow sniffed his hair.
“I did not know Batman had pets” Diana remarked. But the cow seemed cute, she too loved animals, and vaguely wondered if Batman would let her pet his cow.
“Demon brat can’t you keep that cow in her stable!” Red Hood shouted to the cave.
“It’s not a stable. Batcow has every right to roam the cave!” A younger voice yelled back, from somewhere off screen.
Then suddenly!
A knife was thrown across the cave, the League saw it fly by. Batman had been on his way back to his computer and ducked so the knife wouldn’t hit him. And then came grunting and showing. Until two figures came in frame. A girl dressed in a black and purple suit, and younger boy dressed in a version of the Robin costume.
They landed on the ground with a thud, as the boy was on top of the girl. Both fighting the other.
“Do you yield Brown?” The boy shouted in her face.
The girl chuckled, “Never” then she wrapped her legs around him and flipped them. But the boy kicked her back and got on his feet. And so they simply kept fighting, punching and dodging. Until the young boy threw another knife.
“What are you both doing?” Batman asked the two kids, and then didn’t stop fighting as he did, “I still need to finish this report on my Justice League meeting.” Truly only Batman could be angry at not being able to get work done as two kids were actively fighting in front of him.
“Well Brown said her knife throwing skills are better than mine. I had to prove her wrong” the young boy said, as if that answers anything, though maybe it did to Batman.
The girl rolled her eyes and gave the boy a kick to the back of his legs, making him fall. “Whatever dork.”
Batman let out a tired sigh, more tired than the ones he let out after difficult missions. But this one also had a fondness to it. “I already told you kids no weapons throwing in the Batcave after the last incident.”
The girl lowered her gaze and let go of the boy. “Uhh, sorry B.”
The boy got back to his feet and brushed off his suit, “Apologies Father.”
Barry spit out his soda all over his best friend, “Father!”
Hal scowled in his seat, “Thank. You. Barry.” The speedster ran to get his friend some paper towels to wipe off the soda. “Thanks….and I can’t believe Spooky is a dad before me.”
“Wait, how old is Nightwing?” Dinah asked suddenly. No one had really thought about that until now.
“I think he’s Wally or Roy’s age” Oliver replied. It made sense, they’d all been Teen Titans around the same time and had all seemed to be the same age.
His wife hummed in though, “And how old is Batman?”
Hal began wiping soda from his lap, “No clue”
“Thirties or Forties give or take” said Arthur.
“So how old was he when he became a dad?”
“I didn’t take Spooky for the teen father type” Hal got up to throw the paper towels again.
“That’s ridiculous” Clark came to his friend’s defense.
“Batman is highly paranoid for every situation. He seems like an unlikely candidate to have children so early in life” J’onn back up Superman.
Kal nodded, “Exactly, thank you J’onn.”
Hal wiped his hands after throwing away the paper towels, “Okay but real talk. I can’t believe he’d put himself in all kinds of danger while having a toddler at home.”
“Perhaps he is married?” Was the only conclusion Diana could offer.
“Still, wouldn’t that make him a bad father” Green Lantern insisted.
Flash tapped his fingers on the desk, “Well…..I guess so. I did delegate a lot more work to Wally when Iris got pregnant.”
“See!”
“Also Batman has four kids, that’s crazy” Arthur spoke up again.
Clark got a little flustered, it was a good thing only he could heart everyone’s heart beats and they couldn’t hear his, well he hoped so anyway. Cause sure, if Nightwing was Batman’s son he could live with that, it’s not like he himself wasn’t a parent. But four kids? Thats was a lot more to take in,“Alright that’s enough guys, seriously…..”
“And I mean it. You and Roy are to stay here, and don’t touch my tires again” Batman scowled, apparently during their little conversation, Batman has gotten back in his chair and been speaking with Red Hood. Oh and another child showed up, another girl thought this one had black hair and wore a black suit with some orange highlights.
“No promises” Jason smirked again, making Batman sigh dramatically.
“You doing okay dad?” Came yet another voice.
“Another one?” Arthur asked out loud. This was getting ridiculous, four, five, no six kids!
Batman turned his head, giving his attention to whoever was walking into frame, “I thought you were at Mount Justice.”
“We were..” the same voice replied.
“We?” Great, so seven children.
But then two boys walked into frame. One who was wearing a green hoodie and sweatpants, his face blurred for privacy. But the other boy was wearing a black leather jacket and tight red leather pants, and his face wasn’t blurred.
“Hey Uncle B” the black haired boy waved.
And Superman dropped the remote from his hand, the sound of it falling to the ground echoing in the room. “Conner?!” His clone, no, his son was in the Batcave. With Batman, and his family. How did he even end up there??
“Hello Conner, didn’t know you were visiting” Batman said casually, as if having Conner over at his home was a normal occurrence.
The young man next to Conner sighed, “He asked me to pierce his eyebrow.”
Everyone looked to Superman with lots of questions.
“Your kid is over at Batman’s place?” Hal began.
“Isn’t he dating someone?” Dinah came in next.
Clark fumbled, “Y-Yeah he..he’s dating Red Robin.”
“So I’m guessing that’s the other boy” Barry pointed out. The two boys were holding hands for extra emphasis, it had to be him.
Not even Conner noticed they were being watched. He pulled his curls up a little to show off his new piercing, “And it looks awesome, don’t you think?”
Batman gave a soft smile, “It looks great.”
“Thanks” Kon has always gotten Tim to do his piercings. He couldn’t just go to a parlor, he needed Kryptonite to pierce his skin and thankfully his boyfriend’s dad had loads of it.
Tim squeezed his hand tightly, “I swear, it’s the last time I’m piercing you in bathroom”
“Why? I didnt do anything” Kon gave an innocent smile.
“You always puke afterwards!” It happed when he’d pierced Kon’s ears, the time he pierced his nose, his earlobe, the belly button one Kon had insisted on but took out later cause he didn’t like it under his suit.
Conner shrugged, “Kryptonite side effect, sue me!”
“And because I draw the line at piercing your tongue!” Tim added. He’d do a lot of things for Kon. He’d even pierced his own ear so they could wear the matching piercing set Kon gave him on Valentine’s Day. But he drew the line at his boyfriend’s tongue.
Conner cooed and laid his head on Tim’s shoulder affectionately, “But you love me anyway.”
Tim couldn’t hide his blush, though thankfully the burr effect hid it from the league as he ruffled Kon’s hair, “Guess I do.”
“Your kid is dating Batman’s kid?” Hal asked, absolutely perplexed.
Clark had his eyes glued to the screen, “I-I didn’t….I knew Conner was dating Red Robin. But I had no idea that was Batman’s actual son.” Again, it was never clear. And right now he kind of felt jealous of Conner, he wanted to be there too. He wanted to run his fingers through Batman’s hair like Tim was doing to Conner’s right now.
Hal perked up and looked between Oliver and Clark, a grin plastered on his face. “Wait, does that mean Batman is gonna be both your kid’s father in law? This is hilarious!”
Barry nearly spit out his soda again as he doubles over from laughter. Arthur and Dinah joined him, and even Diana let out a little chuckle. Meanwhile J’onn remained stoic as ever. Oliver glared at the Green Lantern and Superman looked to be somewhere between mortification and shock.
Batman finally got to his computer and went back to his reports. While all the kids were now lounging on the black couches behind them, all but the youngest one. He was lying down on the ground next to his cow.
The quiet didn’t last for long. As Nightwing leaned up with a shut eating grin and asked, “ So, B are you finally gonna ask your crush out?”
The silence was defeating after that. But Kal could hear Batman’s heartbeat speed up even all the way in Gotham.
“No way, B had a crush on someone” Hal said his brain deep fries at this point.
“I guess he is not married” Diana retracted her previous statement.
Batman didn’t deny it, “No. And I’ve told you to not call him that.” So basically admitting he had a crush on someone.
Superman felt a little hope at first. It meant B was in fact single. Even despite all this kids, maybe they could still get to know each other better. It’s not like Clark didn’t like kids, and Rao his kid was already there anyway. But B had a crush on someone. Who couldn’t be? They were best friends and he’d never noticed B’s heart beat go up around anyone, and he’d never spoken very highly of anyone. Well expect for some of the league members, but that was just complementing his coworkers.
Nightwing groaned loudly, “Why? You’ve been crushing on him since I was like twelve, the clocks ticking.”
Jason snickered, “At this rate we’re all getting married before you.”
Batman’s shoulders lowered a little, as if he’d told himself that countless times already. “It’s not a competition chum.”
“Cmon B, how hard is it to ask a guy out?” His son urged him up.
Tim threw a pillow at his brother, “You just want him to be your step dad!”
Nightwing grabbed the pillow and gave a face of mock offense, “How dare you. Of course I want Superman to be my stepdad!”
Flash spit out his drink again!
“Barry!” Hal yelled as he got sprayed with soda again.
“Sorry…”
“What the fuck!” Oliver yelled with all his breath.
“No way Spooky has a crush on…” they all turned to the man of steel.
“Superman?” J’onn spoke softly.
“Kal, are you alright?” Diana reached out to him.
Clark felt the air leave him, and which didn’t make that much sense since he didn’t really need air to breathe. But he’d just been told that, “Batman has a….”
“You’re just saying that cause he’s your favorite hero” Tim spoke up again.
“He is the best, obviously” Nightwing rolled his eyes.
“No, Wonder Woman is” Jason called back.
“I personally prefer Black Cannery” Damian said while stroking his cow.
“I like Green Arrow” Steph said.
“Wow, so none of my kids like me” Batman complained, though his voice held no venom. It was incredibly strange how calm all the vigilantes were, they were treating it like Batman having a crush on Superman was common knowledge.
“Hey you’re not my dad, I just crash here” Steph retorted. “Also you’re not blonde!”
“I like that kid” Oliver chuckled.
“Don’t worry B, Batman is my favorite superhero” Tim spoke up.
“Mine too” Cass said. First time she’s spoken up since showing up.
Batman smiled again, “Thank you.”
“But seriously B, it’s about time you ask him out” Nightwing circled back to it.
Batman sighed, like it cost him something. “I don’t have time to peruse a relationship.”
Nightwing scoffed, “Yeah right. You’ve just been single for too long, here I’ll show you.” He got up and circled around the couch, “I’ll be you and…Littlewing you’ll be Clark” he stretched out a hand to Jason.
“Oh so they do know you’re Clark” Hal said as he finished wiping himself clean again. And threw away Barry’s soda.
Superman was breathing heavier than usual, “Oh Rao.” Batman liked him, his kids knew about it. Conner knew about it. He’d been crushing on Batman for years wondering if the man would ever want to try anything and is hit with the train that Batman has supposedly been interested in him for much longer.
Nightwing pulled Jason up. “Okay so we’re at the Gala alright? Set the scene…” he took in a deep breath and then put on his best impression of the Brucie Wayne smile, “Hello Mr Kent.”
Jason presented to blabber his words like Clark does. “O-Oh Mr Emotionally Constipated, it’s nice to see you. Can I get a quote for my article?”
The other kids all died of laughed on the couch, but Batman made an unimpressed grunt, “Neither of us sound like that.”
Conner nodded, “Yeah your impression of Clark is awful, you didn’t even trip over your own foot yet.”
“Hey!” Clark yelled at the screen, as if Conner could hear him.
“You’re distracting us from the scene” Nightwing scolded them, but let out a little chuckle too. He when back to the scene, “Anyway. Mr Kent, we’ve seen each other at these events of years and I’d like to speak to you more privately.”
“You want to schedule an interview?” Jason laughed.
Dick shook his head, “Oh no. I wanted to invite you to dinner.”
“T-That’s not appropriate” Jason even mimicked the motion of fixing his glasses on his face.
“Sure it is. But for now, care for a dance?” Dick extended his hand to Jason again. Jay went along with it and so they began to dance in the middle of the Batcave.
Both the kids and the Justice League died of laughter. Barry and Hal even fell off their chairs as they laughed so hard.
“This is hilarious” Oliver said, nearly falling off his chair himself.
“I love those kids man” Hal braced himself on his chair to stand back up.
“This is the best meeting we’ve ever had” Arthur said in between laughs.
“Can I record this?” Tim said back in the Batcave.
“Like that’s ever gonna happen” Steph said sternly.
“That’s a better impression” Conner said gleefully.
Damian shook his head in disapproval, “Shouldn’t you be repulsed by the prospect of your father dating our father?”
Conner shrugged, “Hey, between Luthor or Batman. I pick Batman.”
“I agree with your kid” Barry said to Kal.
Kal’s face turned cold, “Not funny.”
“Sorry” the speedster apologized.
Kon kissed his boyfriend’s cheek, “Besides, since you’re adopted it doesn’t affect us at all.”
“Adopted kids still count!” Tim poked Kon’s chest.
Batman finally stopped typing. Giving up on the idea of actually getting work done, “You’re all my kids.”
“Thanks dad” Tim said.
“I suppose Superman would be an acceptable partner” Damian concluded, “Given your poor choices in women but not limited to my mother.”
Hal fall back on the floor, “Wow that kid just roasted Batman!” He wished he could dish it out on Spooky like that. But he felt vindicated knowing bats had six doing it to him.
Clark turned red as a tomato. “Oh Rao.”
Batman controlled his response. “Thank you for the constructive criticism.”
“You are welcome” the boy responded with full seriousness.
Batman gave up and stood from his chair, “I’ll finish this report later. I have to go get ready for the gala. If you need me at any moment I’ll leave the channel on, try not to get hurt.”
“No promises” Nightwing said.
“I’ll stay here with Roy” Jay informed him. No way he was leaving his boyfriend alone in the medbay.
“I can help with patrol” Conner offered.
“Thank you Conner.” Batman then turned away and headed to the staircase that led to the Batcave, which was offscreen for the League to see. “I’ll see you all later.”
“Bye dad” Tim and Dick said in unison.
Tim then got up and stretched out his arms, “Well guess I better get started on that software update for the Batcomputer.”
But before he could get far, Nightwing said, “We should help him.”
“With what?”
“We gotta help B ask him out” he said with full conviction.
“You want us to help him get laid?” Jason asked, as if the idea was completely absurd. “Sure when Batcow flies….owch” Damian hit the back of his head.
“Keep my cows name out of your mouth!”
Nigthwing sighed defeatedly, “I’m serious. It’s been what like ten years and he still hasn’t, I’m tired of this.”
“And what exactly are we supposed to do?” Damian asked.
“Do you even know if Superman is single?” Cass spoke up again.
The Justice League all turned to Superman again, too invested in this story now.
Clark was sweating, “Why are you starring at me?”
“He is” Conner replied for him.
Clark’s eyebrows shot up, “How?”
As did Tim’s, who asked, “How do you know that?”
“I sneak into his place all that time. Trust me he’d single.”
Clark was mortified yet again today, “How does he even? When?”
Tim laughed, “You’re unbelievable.”
“There’s gotta be a way to get them to go out” Nightwing scratched his head in frustration. He’d spent years listening to Bruce talk about Clark, it was obvious he liked him. Back in the day he didn’t do anything because Clark was dating Lois Lane. But ever since they broke up Dick had been pushing B to do something.
“We can strand them on a red sun planet?” Conner offered. Making Clark gulp, no way Batman’s kid would actually try to do that.
Dick shook his head, “No.”
Tim hummed in thought, “Got it. I’ll need some sedatives, Kryptonite, and a private island.”
“No.”
“Lock them in a closet?” Steph offered.
“They’ll figure a way out in five minutes tops.”
“Maybe we get Superman to ask B out” Tim thought out loud.
Jason gave an incredulous look, “And how would we do that?
The boy shrugged. “I don’t know, but it would probably be easier than getting B to do it.”
“We’ll come up with something” Dick reassured them.
Cass tilted her head, studying him. “Why are you so invested?”
Nighwing’s face fell and he lowered his gaze, “I’m worried. Like….Im getting married one day.” He looked up at Jason, “You and Roy are getting married one day.” He the glanced at Conner and Tim, “These two are attached at the hip.” Then he turned his attention back to Cass, “And you and Steph are gonna move in together soon. Who’s gonna stay with B when we all leave?” Alfred wouldn’t be there forever. Who’d be here with Bruce when they were all living their own lives, starting their own families?
“I’m here you know” Damian spat.
“I know” Dick ruffled his hair but Damian slapped his hand away. “But you go off on your own all the time. Or go spend time with the league. Who’s gonna stay here when you two fight?” What if Damian and Bruce had a fight like he himself had with Bruce when he first went to live on his own?
“And you really think Superman would want to?” Jason asked quietly.
Dick exhaled, “I don’t know but he’s the only one B showed interest in.” He’d dated Catwoman on and off and had a few flings but nothing lasted. But his crush on Clark never seemed to end.
“So we gotta try at least once” Steph spoke. Bruce might now be her dad but she’d help if she could.
“Well I’m in” Conner chimed in. “Clark’s been single for a long time too.” And Kal felt extremely called out for it.
Dick smiled again, “Alright, operation Superbat is a go then.”
Jain snorted, “Superbat? You’ve had way too much time to think about this.”
“I’ve been waiting for it since I was ten. Of course I’ve had time to think about it” his older brother shot back.
“Well right now we have work” Tim got up again.
“And we have patrol” Dick gestured to Damian. “We’ll come up with a plan later.”
“Cmon Kon, you can help me with computer maintenance” Tim pulled his boyfriend up.
“No thanks, I’m good” Con kissed him again.
“I’ll go check on Roy” Jason took off for the medical bay.
Tim then began walking towards the Batcomputer, though slightly distracted by Kon’s teasing.
“The kid is gonna see us!” Hal said in alarm. If Batman found out everything they’d seen he’d be so mad that they didn’t hang up. Probably cut their funding and hunt them down, beat them so bad til they forgot everything.
“Oh no” Barry said, his body going rigid.
“Kal, the remote” Dinah shouted at him.
Kal finally came back to his senses and picked the remote off the floor. “There!” He clicked on the button to end the call just as Tim sat down on the chair in front of the monitors.
“That was close” Oliver sighed in relief as the video screen went black.
“Phew.”
“Kal are you alright?” J’onn asked the Kryptonian, his voice laced with worry.
“Huh?” Clark turned, he’d been staring at the blank screen where the Batcave had been moments ago.
“I mean, you just found out Spooky’s apparently into you. You good?” Hal spoken hesitantly. Because while it had been quite funny, the fact was that Batman had a secret crush that wasn’t secret anymore. Crushing on a coworker wasn’t new, many league members and other heroes had relationships with one another, but Batman was Batman.
Clark tried to even his breathing, “Of course I’m…..I’m fine.”
Diana got up and started walking towards him, “Kal.”
“No really I’m fine. Actually, I have to go….” He used his super speed to bolt out of the room. He flew away, away from the meeting room, out of the Hall of Justice, flew all the way home and crashed onto his bed.
Oh Rao. He’d leaned that Batman had several kids. Leaned his son was dating one of Batman’s kids. But worse, or better depending on how he looked at it. Batman had a crush on him, him. He liked Superman and Clark Kent, and his kids knew about it.
But Batman had no idea that Clark had just leaned about his crush. And in less than two hours they’d both be attending a charity gala where the other would be. Kal was doomed! Oh Rao, help him.
————————————————————————-
-In the Batcave-
“Huh, weird” Tim said, clicking thought files on the Batcomputer.
“What?” Kon asked, handing his boyfriend a fresh cup of coffee.
“Says here B had a forty minute video call.”
“That’s weird.”
Tim shrugged, “Whatever. Let’s get this over with.” He then turned the computer off so it could reboot and be updated.