Chapter Text
Clint feels silly for being nervous.
Phil had asked for three days to prepare for their first official date. With the fallout from the Hydra base Clint had captured single-handedly, it’s actually the first night they haven’t spent wading through confiscated equipment and interrogation transcripts. Clint tells himself for the hundredth time that it’s just dinner, something they’ve done a million times on missions and HQ. It shouldn’t be any different - they’re still Clint and Phil - but there’s a newness to the entire situation that leaves Clint nervous and a little scared.
“You look nice,” Nat says as she enters the room and sees Clint standing in the living room.
Clint smooths a hand down his tie, waistcoat, and jacket. “Thanks.”
Phil had asked Clint to dress for a nice dinner, so he hopes that the suit he’d originally bought for the Stark Expo gala will fit the bill.
“Waiting for Coulson?” Nat asks.
“Yeah. Bruce wanted to talk to him, so we agreed to meet here,” Clint responds.
Natasha looks like she wants to say more and Clint braces himself for her next question.
“I know we don’t normally talk about this kind of thing, but you and Coulson?”
Clint looks down at his feet. “I know it’s a bit of a surprise for everyone,” he says with a shrug.
Natasha steps up and places a hand on Clint’s arm until he’s looking her in the eye. “Not like that,” she reprimands. “Don’t start getting insecure. I just...with Coulson...I wouldn’t have thought you’d keep it a secret.”
“It’s what he wanted,” Clint says and continues on before Nat can voice her displeasure. “and I agreed. At the time I didn’t see the harm - could actually see why it was a good idea. We’re both private people and I wasn’t expecting it to progress beyond just sex. I never expected to...”
Clint shrugs again, not willing say the words for the first time in front of Natasha, not when what he wants with Phil is so close.
“But you did?” Natasha prompts.
“Yeah, I did. Figured it out just before Loki,” Clint says and they both wince.
“What happened three months ago?” she asks. It’s not surprising that Natasha noticed more than she let on.
Clint just stops himself from running a hand through his hair in discomfort and settles for rubbing the back of neck instead. “I guess it was a fight? I’d finally decided that I wanted more than a secret relationship and Phil...uh...didn’t agree. I may have jumped to the wrong conclusion, but he didn’t really try and stop me either.”
“He hurt you,” Nat accuses.
“I don’t think he meant to,” Clint responds, not realizing the truth to his words until he says them out loud.
“And now Phil wants a second chance? For more than what you were before?” Natasha asks and Clint nods. “Do you believe him?”
Clint had heard Phil step into the hallway a second ago - he hadn’t been trying to be stealthy - and knows Phil has heard the last bit of Clint’s conversation with Natasha.
“I want to,” Clint says honestly and looks over to where Phil is now standing in the doorway. The happy smile on the older man’s face makes Clint’s heart swell and sets off another flutter of nerves in his stomach.
Natasha takes a slight step forward and Clint rolls his eyes as she glares at Phil. Phil doesn’t flinch, which is impressive because it’s Natasha, but holds up his hand when she opens her mouth to speak.
“While I appreciate the sentiment, Agent Romanoff,” Phil says. “I was just subjected to a very detailed and amazingly terrifying shovel talk from Dr. Banner. Perhaps it would be wise, for the sake of time, to confer with the other Avengers and come up with a common set of threats?”
“Awesome idea!” Tony says excitedly as he walks in from the kitchen. “Like a team building thing.”
“It’s a horrible idea,” Clint protests.
“We should probably wait for Thor,” Steve adds, entering the room with Bruce close behind.
“I think an Asgardian version of the talk would be very enlightening,” Natasha agrees.
Clint turns to Phil for help, but the agent looks more than willing to endure whatever the team is willing to dish out.
“No,” Clint says forcefully and walks forward to shove Phil towards the elevator before turning back around. “I appreciate it, but no.”
“We love you too, Katniss,” Tony replies, making Clint’s ears turn red.
“Seriously,” Clint pleads. “I can take care of myself.”
“We know, Clint,” Steve says gently. “We were just joking. I promise I won’t let them do anything else. Have a good night.”
Clint smiles his thanks - his team is kind of awesome - before jogging over to where Phil is holding the elevator.
“You look amazing in that suit,” Phil compliments as the doors close.
“You’re looking pretty amazing yourself,” Clint responds and bumps their shoulders together. Phil’s suit is also a three-piece and a finer cut than what he normally wears to work. “Sorry about them.”
“They mean well and I’m not afraid of the Avengers,” Phil says and Clint can’t help but grin. No, Clint thinks a little proudly, after facing down a god, he wouldn’t expect Phil to be intimidated by anyone, not even the assembled Avengers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dinner turns out to be at Thomas Keller’s Per Se. Thanks to Sitwell’s whining, Clint knows it’s nearly impossible to get a reservation at the restaurant with less than several months notice. Phil won’t say how they got in, only that he cashed in a favor. They’re pampered for hours and it’s easily the best food that Clint has ever tasted in his life.
Phil is an attentive date and the conversation flows naturally between them. But while it was Clint who demanded the need for them to date, it makes him uneasy at how much Phil is treating dinner like it really was their first date. Clint mostly wants things to go back to the way they were before Loki, except with less sneaking around.
When they get back to the Tower, Phil grabs Clint’s hand to keep him from choosing their floor and sends the elevator up to the roof instead. Laid out on the floor is a thick blanket with a thermos and two cups sitting in the center.
“Is this what you were really talking about with Bruce?” Clint asks.
“For part of the time, yes,” Phil admits, “but I wasn’t lying about the shovel talk. Dr. Banner can be very intimidating without turning green.”
Clint laughs as they settle down on the blanket and Phil pours them each Irish coffee.
“You know,” Clint finally says, “you really don’t have to try so hard just for me. I mean...we’re no different than we were before. I think I just wanted us to take things a little slower this time around. It doesn’t mean we have to start over.”
Phil sighs and looks a little pained. “That’s just it, Clint. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few days and I realized that I’ve never done right by you - starting with believing your reputation when you first joined SHIELD. The deeper I dug and the more I got to know you, the harder it was to ignore that I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in my life. I thought that maybe if I controlled it somehow, set my own terms, that I could have...”
Phil trails off and look out at the view of the city. “Have?” Clint prods.
“Everything,” Phil says finally, turning back to face Clint and the intensity in his gaze surprises the archer. “You, SHIELD, everything. I’m still worried that I can’t have it all, but I’m willing to try if you are.”
“Nobody is going to fault you for being human and we’ve already proven we can work together through both our ups and downs,” Clint argues. “And you’re not the only one at fault. Despite what I said in your office, I knew what I was agreeing to when we started. I never expected to want more than a fling. I never have - not with anyone else before you.”
Phil smiles and laces their fingers together. “If it helps,” he says softly, “I don’t think either of us ever treated this like a just-sex kind of relationship.”
“Are you basically saying that we’re both idiots?” Clint asks.
“Pretty much,” Phil shrugs and they grin at each other in agreement.
Clint leans his head on Phil’s shoulder and sighs happily when Phil wraps an arm around him. “So we start over? Pretend we don’t already have a history?”
“Not quite,” Phil says. “More like learning from our mistakes and letting them go. Not letting them weigh us down.”
He knows they still have a lot to talk about, but it seems less important to bring them up now. Clint is confident that they’ll have plenty of time - hopefully the rest of their lives - to figure out and fix everything they assumed and took for granted all these years. Clint snuggles a little deeper into Phil’s side and all his unease from earlier melts away.
“I think I’d like that,” Clint agrees.
It’s not about resurrecting what they once had, but building something new, something stronger from its ashes.
fin