blood stains on your soul and mine

by afflatus

Chapter 2: operation: thursday.

Summary:

Haunted by the memories of his time with Beomgyu, Yeonjun tries his best to find out more information about his husband's prison escape.

Notes:

hi!! chapter 2 being updated quite fast...? this is unlike me >< let's all thank mochi for making me feel excited to work on this chapter right away after chapter 1. this chapter was fun to write however, as usual, there are warnings to heed.

this chapter contains:

violence, gore, explicit sexual content, references to gun play and spanking.

if you're still here after the warnings, i hope you'll enjoy this chapter too :>

Yeonjun wakes up sweating and gasping for air as he sits up on the bed with his heart racing.

Last night’s dream was horrible, as usual. He remembers the fire, the blood, the running, the exhaustion and the desperation. He remembers the ringing in his ears as a gunshot could be heard. He remembers scrubbing the blood off his hands on the sink rigorously to ensure that all the blood would wash off and not a single spot remains stained. Even now, in reality, he can almost feel the ghost of the blood all over his hands.

For as long as Yeonjun remembers, his hands have always felt tainted.

His breathing stays laboured, but he tries his best to suck in a deep breath to calm his racing heart. His therapist told him that he should focus on making sure that he is breathing properly if the panic attack is about to hit right when he wakes up. It is vital to focus on something else entirely instead of the dreams. Let the details of the dream fade away into nothing and focus on the present.

A few moments later, his anxiety eases quite enough for his senses to finally take in the room. It is then he realises that the smell of cigarette is strong in the air while he regains his senses.

His eyes immediately find the culprit. Back then, way before he betrayed his own husband, waking up to the smell of cigarettes was not a rare occurrence. While Beomgyu was not particularly addicted to cigarettes, Yeonjun knew that his husband found it to be an immense stress relief when things got overwhelming. It was one among the many unhealthy forms of coping mechanism that Beomgyu had.

Right now, Beomgyu is sitting on his study chair once again with the window open and a cigarette hanging from his lips. He looks outside the window with an unreadable expression on his face. His husband is dressed in a pair of black pants and black tank top, leaving Yeonjun feeling embarrassed as he is still nude on the bed with only a blanket to cover his feet. He must have somehow kicked it down while sleeping.

“Bad dreams again?” Beomgyu asks without turning his head from the window.

Yeonjun chooses not to reply, refusing to allow Beomgyu to see his vulnerability. His dreams are never something that he likes to talk about, anyway. He prefers to pretend like they do not exist since the only time that they come alive is when he is asleep. It is never vivid enough until it replays in his mind over and over again to the point that he is unable to concentrate in the real world.

“You should buy a dreamcatcher,” his husband remarks casually, eyes still focused on whatever it is that he is looking at outside.

Immediately, Yeonjun snickers, feeling amused. “The one you bought for me back then didn’t even work,” he jests as he briefly remembers the pink dreamcatcher Beomgyu bought and hung in their room in hopes that it would get rid of all Yeonjun’s nightmares when he kept waking up in the middle of the night because of it. Unfortunately, the nightmares persist until today. Yeonjun has never believed in myths and legends, anyways.

“Yeah, well, journalling it down every day doesn’t seem to work for you, either,” Beomgyu shrugs as he takes a drag of his cigarette, exhaling the smoke. “What you remember so far from your dreams doesn’t even make any sense.”

Yeonjun stiffens when he hears the statement. His eyes dart towards his study table and notices that all his dream journals are scattered on top of it. There is a total of five journals altogether throughout the years that he has been keeping records of his dreams. It seems like Beomgyu has read every single entry that he wrote down. Even though his dreams have never been jotted down in detail due to him being unable to remember fully what happened, the thought of Beomgyu reading through everything makes his skin crawl. Every inch of his skin feels exposed as he fidgets nervously, hating that he feels like an open book now.

“Is it guilt?” Beomgyu inquires softly as the air between them turns heavy.

“What?”

“The feeling that got you trapped inside your nightmares; is it guilt?” his husband repeats, not once turning his head at all.

Unable to find the answer himself, Yeonjun shakes his head, although Beomgyu is unable to see it. He does not know, honestly. He has always had nightmares for as long as he could remember. Perhaps, it all began when he saw Beomgyu maim a man for the very first time. Or maybe, it started when Beomgyu carelessly shot a man right on his forehead in front of Yeonjun, causing the blood and brain to splatter all over Yeonjun’s body and shirt. Or maybe, just maybe, the nightmares began when Yeonjun willingly gave himself away in the name of his operation, sealing himself completely when he uttered the vows of forever.

“Ah, you don’t even know,” Beomgyu concludes when his question remains unanswered before he finally turns to look at Yeonjun meaningfully. His eyes are deep and piercing, as if he sees more than he lets on.

Immediately, Yeonjun scrambles to grab his blanket and covers himself up with it. He sees the twitch of Beomgyu’s lips as amusement fills his eyes, but Yeonjun is grateful that he does not comment on the panicked action. Knowing Beomgyu, the urge to tease must be right on the tip of his tongue, but he is holding himself back.

Instead, his husband asks, “Last night, when you said that no one else has ever fucked you since the time I was arrested, was it true or were you just saying it to get fucked?”

Yeonjun’s face flushes red, unable to believe his ears at the lewd question. While he is grateful that the subject has been changed, this is definitely not the direction he wants it to go. “What does it matter to you?” he replies, guarded.

“Because we’re still married,” Beomgyu responds nonchalantly. He takes a drag of his cigarette again. “Thursday’s Child has a strict code against cheating.”

It is true. From the time that they started dating to the time that they got married, everyone around him has always reminded him not to ever cheat on Beomgyu. It is a crime greater than anything else, they said. The consequences would be dire.

The origin of the code goes back to the time of Beomgyu’s parents, according to rumours. Apparently, his mother had an affair with the family driver. Needless to say, the affair did not end well.

Some of Beomgyu’s cousins, namely Soobin and Sooyoung, said that the driver ended up getting killed right in front of his mother’s eyes and his mother committed suicide afterwards. Beomgyu’s other cousin, Minho, told him that his mother was forced to kill the driver before getting killed herself by Beomgyu’s father.

When Yeonjun asked Beomgyu about it, the latter had laughed and waved him off, saying something about how everybody was too young to actually remember what happened. Even then, Beomgyu’s eyes darkened as he said that.

It does not matter, though, whether Yeonjun is seeing someone else or not now. It is not like the code of conduct is still enforced. So, Yeonjun jabs in return, “In case you forgot, Thursday’s Child is no more.”

Beomgyu laughs heartily in response as his eyes crinkle. “Oh, my sweet darling husband, is that really what you believe?” he asks, his tone dripping with heavy mockery.

“What do you mean?” Yeonjun demands to know as he frowns, feeling a pit of dread forming in his stomach.

“It means that there are still some things you should keep from your spouse and family, especially when you’re the head of a crime organisation,” Beomgyu answers, smiling. “You’re not the only one with secrets around here.”

Yeonjun’s blood runs cold at that as he looks at Beomgyu in horror. All this time, he thought that he managed to fool Beomgyu into trusting him with every single piece of information regarding his organisation. Hell, he even worked hard to collect all the data, not just from his husband, but from the whole of his family as well.

“Are you saying that you still have a secret business somewhere?” Yeonjun questions, attempting to get Beomgyu to divulge more on this.

“Now, why would I tell a spy that kind of information?” Beomgyu shoots back with the same shit-eating grin on his lips.

Fuck.

How could Yeonjun miss this little detail? Whatever this secret business is, it is big. It has to be. Beomgyu would not be able to escape from prison otherwise. This means that his operation is totally a massive failure. All that work for nothing. He spent five fucking years undercover for fucking nothing. He knew that if he did not destroy Beomgyu’s entire network, Thursday’s Child would not cease to exist. If Beomgyu alludes to the fact that Thursday’s Child is still around, it means that his network has not been completely destroyed.

Before he can get worked up over it, however, the subject is changed once again.

“So, did anyone fuck you while I was gone?” Beomgyu asks, taking another drag of his cigarette once again. His eyes are narrowed this time, indicating that he is truly serious about this question and Yeonjun should answer it seriously, or else.

But Yeonjun is not Yeonjun if he is not stubborn. “If Thursday’s Child still exists, you must’ve kept tabs on me, then. You’d know just like how you know where I live,” he points out, trying his best not to sound agitated as he is still feeling worked up over Beomgyu’s revelation. “They’d tell you if they’d seen anyone coming to my apartment late at night or if I brought anyone home.”

“You’re right,” Beomgyu nods in agreement. “They’d tell me. That’s why I came empty-handed. If they’d told me that someone else had touched you while I was gone, I would’ve cut their hands off and brought them to you as a gift to remind you that no one other than me should fucking touch you.”

The words cause chills to run down Yeonjun’s spine. See, most people would think that Beomgyu is saying this figuratively. Yeonjun knows better, though. He has seen much worse than what Beomgyu said. Hell, Beomgyu did much worse before, especially since he holds grudges against people for a very long time, even if he acts friendly towards them on some cases due to his working relationship with them. Based on Yeonjun’s firsthand witness account, these grudges never end well.

“Did you fuck anyone while you were in prison?” Yeonjun shoots back, changing the subject to his husband instead.

In all honesty, Yeonjun does not know if he even actually wants to know the answer to that question. It just seems like playing with fire and he will end up getting burnt. He would not be surprised if Beomgyu did, though. His husband is attractive enough to be able to pull anyone that he wants.

The answer he gets, however, is much worse than he imagines.

“Why would I do that when I already have a pretty husband who begs so prettily for my cock?” Beomgyu replies, smirking.

Yeonjun does not know that his face can get any redder than it already is at that moment.

 

 

Stepping inside the bathroom, the first thing Yeonjun does is to look at himself in the mirror.

Bruises and hickeys litter across his neck and shoulders, as if he has been mauled by an animal. He can see that the bruises on his neck have taken the shape of a hand. Slowly, he brings a finger up to press on the bruises lightly, wincing in pain when he makes contact.

It is far from the first time that he has ever had Beomgyu’s handprint around his neck. However, it is the first time that Beomgyu actually hurt him during sex with the intent to hurt, almost like a warning.

Or a reminder.

Yeonjun does not know, really.

Beomgyu has always been a hard person to read. His unpredictable nature makes it difficult for Yeonjun to fully understand what is on his mind. The thing about Beomgyu is, he barely shares his plans with people, mostly because he does not trust anyone. He has always preferred to keep things to himself and only reveal certain parts of his plan to the relevant people.

One thing is clear, though.

No matter the state of their marriage right now, he still regards Yeonjun as his possession. Beomgyu has always been a possessive man. Yeonjun has played into his possessiveness enough times to know that he means every single thing he says when it comes to the possibility of third parties. If someone got a little too close, Yeonjun had seen what Beomgyu meant by giving them a firm warning.

Frankly, during their five years together, Yeonjun’s skin had never been free from love bites. It was both refreshing and strange when the marks eventually faded away after Beomgyu was arrested. Afterwards, his skin stayed unmarred until now.

As much as Yeonjun hates to admit it, a part of himself feels pleased to see the current state of his neck and shoulders. His eyes flicker to his waist and the same pleased feeling fills him when he sees that bruises in the shape of Beomgyu’s hands have formed there as well.

What a dangerous feeling to have.

He knows that he should not be feeling this way. His marriage with Beomgyu was ultimately a sham, no matter how much he emotionally invested himself in the marriage to make it seem real. But Yeonjun cannot deny it. As terrifying as it is to have Beomgyu in his apartment after his massive betrayal, Yeonjun also cannot deny that, for the first time in a long time, he feels alive.

It is a problem that he discussed with his therapist before. He told Jisun that ever since the operation shut down, he has been feeling so empty. It is why he has been unable to return to work and chooses to go on a sabbatical leave for an unknown period. Nothing makes him feel alive like how being in the operation did as he was already too used to living in that environment.

The adrenaline, the fear, the anxiety of not knowing what was to come, the constant danger; everything has always given Yeonjun a rush and somehow, he has grown addicted to that feeling.

Jisun had told him that it was normal to feel that way, especially since he had spent five years in Thursday’s Child. She also told him that the reason why he has been feeling empty is because he has yet to figure out who he is outside the operation. Having a dual identity has messed with his mind and he needs to find himself and not let the experiences during the operation define him.

And for the longest time, Yeonjun has tried so hard to find other ways to discover himself. He has picked up new hobbies, experienced new things and even travelled to places he has never been to, yet to no avail.

His heart still feels so empty and lost even after all his efforts.

Until now.

Right now, he feels like that there is a purpose to his life. With Beomgyu right here, he can try to piece the mystery of his husband’s current resources together. It makes him more determined than ever, just so that his efforts of five years would not go to waste.

Usually, when Yeonjun stares at himself in the mirror after the operation ended, he cannot recognise himself anymore. His eyes always look dead, as if all sparks and hopes are gone.

Now, however, with the burning fire in his eyes and marks littered all over his neck and shoulders, Yeonjun sees the very person he recognises from before and finds that he likes this person much, much better. At the very least, this person has a purpose to fulfil.

At the very least, he feels alive.

 

 

Eight years ago, Yeonjun graduated from Royal Academy as the valedictorian.

Normal citizens think that Royal Academy is just a top academy for those who have been blessed with high intelligence. The acceptance rate is low as only the most elite will be accepted. While it has a prestigious status, not many people have actually heard of it so as not to draw unnecessary attention from the public. Or anyone, really.

Unbeknownst to most people, Royal Academy is an institution for spies and operatives. Every single graduate of the academy has been trained by the National Intelligence Service to go undercover, be it locally or internationally.

While the process to complete the training is not complicated, it is quite difficult to get through. Most people do four years of college, but students of Royal Academy are required to go through six years of education and training before graduating. Each year consists of a variety of tests, trainings and classes. The passing score for each subject is 90 and above only. Failure to reach the passing score will cause students to retain that year.  It is a tough system that allows only the most deserving to graduate due to the graveness of the job that they will be doing after graduation.

Right after graduation, everyone will go on their separate ways as they will begin their operation officially. Yeonjun’s cohort had a total of 7 people and, among them, Yeonjun was chosen to infiltrate Thursday’s Child, a crime organisation which had been on the rise lately. There were numerous reports that the organisation was involved in the rising of gang fights and the increase of drug distribution in certain districts. That was why an investigation needed to be launched to put a stop to it. Besides, Thursday’s Child was on the agency’s list of organisations to take down as the organisation had been running for four generations.

At the time, Yeonjun was happy to know that he would be staying right here in Seoul. He knew that the others might not be as lucky as him, especially since there had been rumours before they graduated that one of them would be sent to North Korea to gather intel. In fact, most of his former classmates were sent overseas and had to adapt to unfamiliar cultures and languages.

Looking back, Yeonjun knows that he was so naïve.

All those years that he spent training never prepared him for the pain of having his extended family so close yet so far. It never prepared him for the loneliness of never being able to contact his friends ever again. It never prepared him for the crushing grief of not having anyone to rant to about everything.

It was a tricky line to tread when the agency decided to use his real identity to infiltrate Thursday’s Child, though.

According to his supervisor, Seokjin, it was something that needed to be done. Thursday’s Child had enough connections to run accurate background checks so they had to use Yeonjun’s actual identity. It was why he was specifically chosen. Of all the others, Yeonjun’s family background came off as the most ordinary on papers. It would not raise any flags if one were to dive deep into his history.

Before Yeonjun began his operation, he was given a thick file to study. It was everything that the agency had found out thus far about Thursday’s Child. The head of the organisation during that time was Choi Beomsoo, Beomgyu’s father. It was going to be passed down to Beomgyu’s older brother, Beomseok, after Beomsoo’s death. Rumours had it that the leader of Thursday’s Child was gravely sick so it would not be long until Beomseok had to step into his birthright role.

The initial mission was for Yeonjun to get close with Beomseok and befriend him. He needed to be one of Beomseok’s trusted men and carry out whatever was needed. They had set it up perfectly with Yeonjun getting employed at Panic, a nightclub where Thursday’s Child frequented. There, he was supposed to make conversations with Beomseok and get him to invite Yeonjun to work for him.

Contrary to his expectations, during his first week, he saw no sign of Beomseok at all.

In fact, no one from Thursday’s Child came at all, for reasons unknown to him. Based on the reports he read, it was stated that this nightclub was their go-to spot and most of them hung out here every night. He forced himself to remain patient, though, even when he got nothing during his second week.

It was on his eighteenth day working as a bartender when he finally met a member of Thursday’s Child; Beomgyu.

According to the file, Beomgyu was the psycho younger brother of Beomseok. Yeonjun had read up all about the things he did, even if he was never charged for it. Apparently, when he needed to get things done, he would get it done, no matter what he needed to do.

One thing was undeniable, though.

Beomgyu was a handsome man with a kind of grace that only someone who had lived his life being used to getting everything they wanted had. He looked even better than in pictures, honestly. If anyone were to ever ask him, though, he would say that Beomgyu’s attractiveness was not the reason why he approached him in the first place. He was just desperate to build a connection to Thursday’s Child and have something to report about to Seokjin during their weekly meetings. It had been so embarrassing for him to say that there was no progress so far. When he saw Beomgyu, he figured that he should try to get to know the younger brother first.

On the first day that Yeonjun started working here, his manager, Taehyung, told him that if he ever saw anyone with a skull ring on their finger ask for a drink, whatever it was that they ordered would be on the house. He had been buzzing with anticipation since then to meet someone with a skull ring, but no one came until Beomgyu.

That was why when Beomgyu ordered a glass of whiskey, Yeonjun found himself saying, “Taehyung told me that any drinks ordered by someone with a skull ring is on the house.”

Beomgyu tilted his head slightly to the side, as if he was examining Yeonjun carefully. “He taught you well, then,” he remarked lightly, despite his piercing gaze.

Yeonjun let out a small chuckle in response, completely not expecting this. Well, honestly, he had no idea what kind of person he was expecting Beomgyu to be. Perhaps, someone more intimidating than this. Right here, Beomgyu looked like any ordinary pretty boy who was out to get a drink. The only thing that made him different from others was the ring on his finger.

“So, what does the ring mean?” Yeonjun asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

At that, Beomgyu shot him a warning look. “Clearly Taehyung didn’t teach you well enough. Didn’t he tell you not to ask questions and to get your customers the drink they asked for?”

“He told me to keep my head down and avoid talking to the people whose drinks are on the house, actually,” Yeonjun replied nonchalantly.

“But here you are,” Beomgyu pointed out, raising an eyebrow challengingly.

Yeonjun grinned and spread his arms out to show that he was far from afraid or intimidated. He needed Beomgyu to know that the mob lifestyle would not scare him. That would be how he got into Thursday’s Child. He knew that if he displayed any sign of fear or intimidation, it would ruin his chances of ever joining the organisation. In the underworld, respect needed to be earned. Fear would only bring disrespect.

Instead of getting a positive response, Beomgyu’s eyebrows creased. “Are you a whore?” he asked coldly.

Taken aback by the sudden question, Yeonjun blinked blankly as his arms dropped to his sides. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?” he croaked out, unable to believe his ears at the abrupt question. He did not know if he should be offended by the question. It was such a random thing to ask a bartender who was simply being friendly and taking orders.

“Some of the bartenders do that, you know,” Beomgyu clarified with a straight expression on his face, giving nothing away at all. “They talk to us to try and earn an extra wage at the end of the night.”

Yeonjun’s face flushed red, from anger or embarrassment, he did not know. He knew that he was irritated by this rude guy, though. He never had anyone talk to him this way before. Most people had the decency to maintain some semblance of respect while talking to him. He never expected to be treated so crassly. While he had an inkling that the mob lifestyle would be far from pretty, to actually experience only a bit of it was a whole different story.

“No, I’m not a whore,” he replied flatly as he moved to grab the bottle of whiskey Beomgyu asked for, no longer interested in continuing the conversation.

Whatever. He would wait for Beomseok to come around, instead. He was supposed to approach Beomseok instead of Beomgyu, anyway. He did not need to tolerate this shit. Beomgyu could go to hell for all he cared. He was not even his target in the first place.

Unexpectedly, Beomgyu laughed. His eyes shone with amusement as he watched Yeonjun pour the whiskey into a glass before sliding it over to him.

“You’re offended,” Beomgyu commented softly, eyes still twinkling with mirth.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Yeonjun deadpanned, clenching his jaw.

Beomgyu’s lips visibly twitched, but he did not say anything afterwards.

 

 

Beomseok was whom Yeonjun was supposed to approach.

Operation: Thursday was supposed to centre around Beomseok. Based on the information he received, Beomseok was the weakest link. Despite being the one who would inevitably inherit the organisation, he was the most impulsive Thursday’s Child member. He had a temper too and tended to get into a lot of fights, often coming out of it bruised and bleeding, but he had never lost once. He had made pretty questionable decisions too, making him even more likely to be fooled into letting Yeonjun into the organisation.

Unfortunately, Beomseok never showed up.

Yeonjun had been waiting night by night for his arrival. He even willingly offered to forgo his rest days just to ensure that he would not miss a single night at all, saying that he wanted to earn more money as an excuse. He even watched the door closely while working just to get a glimpse of Beomseok, but he did not appear at all.

Instead, it was Beomgyu who hung around the nightclub every night. He met with different people each time, going to the bar only to grab a drink before moving towards the VIP lounge or private room. Some of these people had the same skull ring on their finger, while others did not. Yeonjun wished that he could eavesdrop somehow, but those places were too far from the bar for him to leave his spot even briefly.

In all honesty, Yeonjun was beyond frustrated when he met Seokjin on the fourth week of his operation and he still had nothing new to report, aside from his brief conversation with Beomgyu. Much to his chagrin, apparently, Beomseok had been missing for a month before the start of his operation. The management had decided to proceed with the operation as they believed that he would come back sooner or later. The matter was kept hush-hush until his absence became too noticeable. Even then, no explanation was discovered as of now.

“There’s no choice, then,” Seokjin told him grimly when he still did not bear any productive results. “I didn’t want to put you under Beomgyu’s scrutiny because I’ve been told that that guy’s meticulous and detailed, compared to Beomseok, but since we haven’t had a single clue on where Beomseok is, you should try to get close to Beomgyu instead.”

As an operative of the agency, Yeonjun could only nod and obey orders.

At the time, he did not know better.

 

 

Unlike yesterday, Yeonjun chooses to get dressed outside the bathroom after his shower.

Dressed only in a bathrobe, he steps outside the bathroom and immediately makes eye contact with Beomgyu, who seems to be waiting for him from the way he perks up at the sound of the door opening. Trying his best to maintain his cool, Yeonjun walks over to his wardrobe and pulls the door open. His eyes rake over the choices of clothes, wanting to find something flattering to wear.

While showering, he has thought of all the ways that he can get Beomgyu to reveal more about Thursday’s Child’s secret business. That is his priority right now, which is funny because he knows that Taehyun will definitely yell at him if he ever finds out that Yeonjun is willingly allowing Beomgyu to keep him hostage just for the sake of ending his operation perfectly. Taehyun has always been someone who prioritises safety first before anything else.

It is the complete opposite of what Yeonjun believes, though. Taehyun would not understand. He did not graduate from Royal Academy, after all. It has been deeply ingrained in Yeonjun that his name would never be honoured and he would die nameless in service to this country. Information is the most important thing in an operation, safety comes second. Even if you die, the most important thing is to get the intel out.

He makes a promise to himself that he will tell Taehyun about it once he has managed to get the answers he seeks from Beomgyu, though, even if he might not be alive by the time Taehyun gets the information.

The first step that Yeonjun has thought of in the shower is a classic seduction technique. Having spent five years by Beomgyu’s side, he knows exactly what would make his husband drool and weak in the knees, which is why it is important that he finds the perfect clothes to wear. He cannot wear something too slutty, though, because it will make his intention too obvious and Beomgyu will catch on. Once Beomgyu catches on to something, he never lets it fool him.

Yeonjun is aware that Beomgyu’s eyes are still on him. That is why he takes his own sweet time to pick out his clothes, subtly shifting in a way that loosens the tie around his bathrobe to reveal a sliver of his skin. Finally, he settles on a pair of black shorts which will show off his long, delicate legs prettily and a white tank top with a loose black sweater over it. Once he is fully dressed, he combs his hair, deciding to let it down today.

“I should charge you for rent,” Yeonjun muses out loud, breaking the silence between them, as he shuts his wardrobe door. He turns to look at Beomgyu, who is blatantly checking him out, and fights back a smirk. It seems like his plan is working.

However, Beomgyu does not say anything that alludes to him being affected by what Yeonjun decides to wear. Instead, he simply replies, “You seem to forget that this is a hostage situation.”

“Hostages are usually brought to a different location instead of their own home,” Yeonjun jabs, rolling his eyes. “Would’ve saved them some money on bills.”

Beomgyu laughs as his eyes crinkle in amusement. “Would you rather I drug you and bring you to an unfamiliar place all tied up and blindfolded, then?” he questions, arching an eyebrow challengingly.

Now that Yeonjun thinks about it, that is exactly what Beomgyu should have done if he truly wants proper answers. Instead, Yeonjun is allowed the comfort of his own home and the freedom to move around. Beomgyu could have easily overpowered him when he got home two days ago and had his guard down. His husband could have knocked him out as soon as he entered his apartment. Yet, he did not.

Briefly, he wonders if it is because Beomgyu is still in love with him somehow.

But that could not be it, right? After everything Yeonjun has done, how could Beomgyu still be in love with him? Physical attraction still makes sense between them, since they have grown accustomed to each other’s touch for so many years. But love? Surely, Beomgyu must have abhorred him by now.

So, he asks softly, “Why didn’t you?”

“Why do you think?” Beomgyu shoots back as his lips curl into a mysterious smile.

Letting out a small sigh, Yeonjun figures that he will not be able to get any straight answers from Beomgyu. Not right now, at least. He needs to soften him up, just like he did back then when he was officially ordered to get close to him.

“What other questions do you have for me?” Yeonjun asks instead, changing his approach for now. The reciprocal method might work. If Yeonjun reveals some of the answers that Beomgyu seeks, maybe Beomgyu would do the same.

Without hesitation, Beomgyu grabs a book from Yeonjun’s table and holds it up. Yeonjun looks at what Beomgyu is showing him and almost scoffs when he sees that it is the Bible he keeps on his table.

“Are you a believer?” Beomgyu questions, eyes boring deep into Yeonjun’s ones.

“No,” Yeonjun answers without missing a beat.

All he gets in response is a raised eyebrow.

“It’s my mom’s,” Yeonjun explains quietly. He walks towards the bed and takes a seat opposite of where Beomgyu is sitting on the study chair. He purposely stretches his bare legs out in front of him. “It’s the only thing I have left of her.”

Unlike him, his mother is a believer, just like Beomgyu’s stepmother, Soojung. While Yeonjun believes in the existence of God, he does not necessarily subscribe to any particular religion. His mother has never imposed her belief on him, though, even if she reads the Bible daily during the rare times she was home back when Yeonjun still lived with her.

Beomgyu blinks, not paying any attention to Yeonjun’s display of his legs. “That night, when you were crying in my arms because your mom died, was it real?” he asks in a tentative tone.

Suddenly, Yeonjun feels a lump in his throat. His eyes are burning and he tries his best to fight back any tears from showing. He still remembers the night that Beomgyu was talking about vividly. The memory of his loss still hurts a lot until now. He averts his gaze from Beomgyu’s prying eyes as he responds in a hoarse voice, probably the most raw and honest he has ever been since Beomgyu first appeared in his bedroom, “It was the realest part of me you’ve ever seen.”

Silence envelops them for a few moments.

Yeonjun does not dare to look up to see what Beomgyu’s reaction is. He blinks his eyes fiercely, forcing the tears to go back to the way they come.

“Come here,” Beomgyu speaks up after some time.

Trying his best to hold his tears, Yeonjun meets Beomgyu’s eyes again. His husband is looking at him with concerned wide eyes and pursed lips. Amidst his concern, Yeonjun can tell that there is a mix of frustration and anger in it too. So, he does not budge from where he is sitting, dreading to find out what would happen if he actually gets in close proximity with his husband.

“You know, I came here to see what kind of person you are before I kill you. I wanted to know who is this person I married. I wanted to know how the fuck you managed to fool me for five years,” Beomgyu says with an edge to his voice when Yeonjun still does not move.

“And what do you see?” Yeonjun asks, looking at Beomgyu warily.

Beomgyu gestures towards the whole of Yeonjun’s studio apartment, causing the latter to look around him. He takes in the mess around him that has been left way before he even travelled to California. He looks at his luggage that has yet to be unpacked, although, to be fair, Beomgyu’s presence here is distracting him from the task. He looks at his dream journals scattered all over his table. He looks at the dirty clothes strewn all over the place. He looks at his own condition; pale, thin and exhausted.

“A fucking mess,” Beomgyu replies flatly when their eyes meet again. “I see a big fucking mess.”

Unable to stop himself this time around, the tears rush down Yeonjun’s cheeks relentlessly. All of a sudden, he feels a little too self-conscious of everything. While his apartment is decent, he knows that he is not maintaining it well in terms of cleanliness, never having the energy to actually do any cleaning since he moved in. His hands feel stained, like any amount of washing would never be able to get rid of the blood they are covered in. His whole body feels weak, like all the times he skipped his meals and did not get enough sleep are catching up to him right at this exact moment.

The truth is, ever since the operation came to an end, he has not felt like himself for a long while. Going to weekly therapy, which eventually turned into monthly therapy, has not helped much. Each session makes him feel worse than before he stepped into the room. But it is work-mandated therapy, so he forces himself to meet Jisun even if he hates it. He wishes that he could stop going altogether, but to continuously gain allowance from the agency, it is something that he needs to do.

His life has felt so bleak and empty since then, especially after the trials ended and a guilty verdict was issued. He has no idea what he is doing, really, aside from getting by day by day. Some days, he does not feel like getting up from his bed at all.

“After ruining my life, why are you a fucking mess?” Beomgyu asks sharply with his eyes narrow. “I’m faring better than you are and I was in one of the worst prisons in South Korea.”

Yeonjun wipes his tears away but it is no use. They keep cascading down his face as everything hits him at once; the pain, the confusion, the emptiness, the desperation, the longing. For the first time in forever, he welcomes all the feelings.

“Because you fucking ruined my life too,” Yeonjun whispers out loud the truth that he has always been afraid to face.

All those times in therapy, he has never once mentioned what it is that has been bothering him. He chooses to talk about things that he deems as safe enough not to raise any red flags because he does not trust Jisun not to open her mouth and let it slip to his superiors. He has never been able to admit to anyone that as much as he ruined Beomgyu’s life, Beomgyu ruined his life too in ways that no one could ever fathom.

“Me?” Beomgyu scoffs. “I ruined your life? All I ever did was love you, care for you, protect you, and you’re telling me that your life is ruined because of me?” A sharp bitter laugh escapes his lips as he stands up from the chair, putting the Bible down on the table.

“You made me watch,” Yeonjun replies feebly as Beomgyu steps forward, towering over him. “All those people you killed, all those people you hurt, maimed and cut, you made me watch.” The tears were blurring his vision now as the memories flashed in his mind.

“No, I didn’t,” Beomgyu responds in a cold tone, a complete contrast from his fiery words earlier. “I’ve never asked you to watch. I’ve never forced you to watch. You could’ve left the room, you could’ve closed your eyes, you could’ve looked away, but you didn’t and now you’re putting the blame on me for ruining your life when you purposely came into mine to destroy my family’s legacy. Whatever you experienced when you were in Thursday’s Child is all on you. So, don’t you fucking dare put the blame on me.”

It is scary, honestly. The way Beomgyu is able to switch up quickly from one emotion to another is scary. Previously, Beomgyu was obviously agitated and appalled by Yeonjun’s accusation. Now, he is back to being cold and calculative all over again by attempting to gaslight Yeonjun into believing that it was all his fault for all his traumas.

Hell, it is almost like Beomgyu can read his mind and feed on all the insecurities that he has been carrying on his own because those are the things that he tells himself when the nightmares keep him awake at night. He did it to himself. He was the one who married Beomgyu. He was the one who stepped into Beomgyu’s world willingly. He was the one who exposed himself to a lifestyle filled with danger and adrenaline. He chose that. He should bear the consequences of his choice.

Beomgyu was right.

It was all on him.

“I should kill you right now,” Beomgyu murmurs as he looks down at Yeonjun from where he is standing snapping the latter out of his spiralling.

Yeonjun clutches the bedsheets as he looks up to see if Beomgyu means it. The tears are still pouring down his cheeks with no sign of stopping. Even then, through his blurry vision, he can see that Beomgyu has schooled his expression into something akin to tenderness.

Shivers run down his spine when Beomgyu cups his face with gentle hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs. “I really should kill you,” Beomgyu says softly, almost lovingly, even. “But how could I do that when I still hate seeing you cry?”

Despite the circumstances, Yeonjun’s heart flutters at the words, reminding him of the years that they spent together and all the times Beomgyu took him in his arms as he cried.

 

 

Getting close to Beomgyu was not an easy task.

Although their first meeting did not particularly go well, Yeonjun forced himself to suck it up. So what if Beomgyu was incredibly rude? It should not hinder him from carrying out his operation. He was not a weakling who would be scared away by some crass words that were tossed carelessly. He needed to be professional. That was why he decided to drop light comments here and there whenever Beomgyu came into the nightclub in hopes that they would grow closer.

While Beomgyu was generally good at small talks, he never revealed much. It was obvious that he had his guard fully up. He teased a lot and was good-natured when Yeonjun teased him right back. It was not much of a progress, but Yeonjun forced himself to be patient. An opportunity was bound to arise somewhere along the way and he could immediately jump at the chance. Besides, the first thing that they learnt in Royal Academy was the importance of patience. Results could not be attained within a day.

Sure enough, the opportunity arrived two months after Yeonjun first started a conversation with Beomgyu.

The night it happened, Beomgyu was nowhere to be found at the nightclub. In fact, none of Thursday’s Child could be seen at all, which led Yeonjun to suspect that they either had a job to do or an important meeting. He thought that he could take a break for one night from pretending to be someone he was not. It would be nice to take a breather once in a while.

He was wrong.

As soon as Yeonjun got home from his shift at almost three in the morning, he found Beomgyu outside his door, clutching the side of his abdomen with blood all over his hands. His face was as pale as sheet and sweat glistened on his forehead. He looked like he was about to pass out as he leaned against the door to Yeonjun’s apartment.

Even then, Beomgyu greeted him with a weak grin, “Hey.”

“What the fuck,” Yeonjun muttered in panic, unable to believe his eyes.

Quickly, Yeonjun rushed to unlock his door and led Beomgyu, who was groaning in pain, inside. As Yeonjun shut the door, Beomgyu made his way to the sofa while dragging his feet as if every step he took was painful, causing blood to drip all over the floor and on the sofa.

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Yeonjun told Beomgyu as he took out his phone from his pocket.

“No,” Beomgyu gritted out even as his forehead creased in pain.

“Beomgyu, you need medical attention right away,” Yeonjun chided, tapping the numbers 119 on the dial pad.

At that, Beomgyu responded in a firm tone, “No. No hospitals. If you call an ambulance, I’ll leave your apartment and get help somewhere else.”

“Okay, what the fuck do you want me to do, then? Watch you bleed out all over my sofa and then get accused of killing you?” Yeonjun snapped as exasperation took over him. His finger hovered over the dial button, but Beomgyu’s eyes were glaring at him, a complete contrast to his usual light demeanour at the nightclub.

While Yeonjun understood why Beomgyu did not want the hospital involved, he could not just stand there and watch him die. He needed to do something.

“Call Soobin, instead,” Beomgyu replied, wincing. “He’ll grab some supplies and patch me right up.”

Yeonjun immediately recognised the name Beomgyu uttered. Of course, Beomgyu would call someone he trusted instead of an actual hospital personnel. Based on the files he read, Soobin was Beomgyu’s and Beomseok’s cousin. He even managed to get glimpses of Soobin here and there at the nightclub, though it was mostly when Beomgyu had meetings in VIP rooms.

“What happened?” Yeonjun asked quietly.

His eyes finally took in the dire situation that Beomgyu was in. Judging by the amount of blood he lost and his ability to still talk coherently, it seemed like it had not been that long since Beomgyu was wounded.

“Fuck, just call Soobin, please,” Beomgyu said in a gruff voice as his face contorted with pain.

“I don’t have his number,” Yeonjun deadpanned.

“My phone,” Beomgyu replied through clenched teeth as his back leaned against the headrest of the sofa. His legs curled up, as if they were trying to ease the pain. “Grab my phone from my pocket. He’s the first dial on my emergency contact.”

Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu again. It was the first time that he had seen him in this much pain. Beomgyu had always been composed and he always seemed untouchable. It was almost unbelievable that this was happening. It was obvious that he was on the verge of passing out, but he held on, for whatever reason.

“It’ll take too long,” Yeonjun muttered as he kept his phone back in his pocket, coming to a swift decision on what he needed to do.

Praying that Beomgyu would not ask too many questions about this, he walked over to his cabinet and pulled out his tactical trauma kit. With the kit in hand, he approached Beomgyu who was eyeing him warily.

“It’s either me or the hospital,” Yeonjun told him in a tone that did not allow any room for argument. He made sure to narrow his eyes at Beomgyu to show that he was deadly serious about this. If Beomgyu rejected his help, he would call for an ambulance immediately, consequences be damned. It was not like Yeonjun would be the one getting into trouble, anyway.

After a few moments, Beomgyu relented, “Fine.” He moved his hands away from the side of his abdomen, revealing his shirt splattered with blood and a hole right where the blood was gushing out.

Without hesitation, Yeonjun knelt next to the sofa from where Beomgyu was splayed out. He opened his kit and put on a pair of nitrite gloves. Then, he grabbed the emergency shears and cut open Beomgyu’s shirt swiftly. He rummaged through his kit before finally wrapping his hands around a morphine auto-injector.

“No,” Beomgyu immediately rejected when he saw what Yeonjun was holding. “No painkillers, fuck.”

“This is going to hurt like hell,” Yeonjun warned him. “You need it.”

“I’ve been through worse,” Beomgyu shrugged before wincing in pain once again.

Snorting to himself, Yeonjun put away the morphine. If Beomgyu had a death wish, so be it. It was literally none of his business that Beomgyu wanted to suffer instead of easing his own pain.

“Lie down,” he ordered.

Beomgyu slowly did as he was told, gritting his teeth each time he moved to finally lay flat on the sofa. Yeonjun tore his shirt even more to examine the wound properly. It seemed like the wound was quite superficial so he was certain that he could get the bullet out and stitch Beomgyu back up afterwards. He probably did not need to make an incision. He did not ace his medical training at Royal Academy for nothing, though the training was actually meant to be used either on himself or innocent civilians. Never had he thought that he would be using his skills on the very person whom he was targeting for this operation.

Tearing open the package of the sterilised tweezer, Yeonjun said, “Grab the pillow next to you and bite down on it, if you need to.”

Yeonjun did not bother to wait for a response before moving to remove the bullet. He tried his best to be gentle as he gripped the bullet with the tweezer, lips pursing in concentration. While pulling it out, he heard Beomgyu groan loudly with his hand clutching the sofa tightly. Once the bullet was out, the blood immediately gushed out.

“Fuck,” Beomgyu muttered under his breath.

Not wasting any time, Yeonjun grabbed a gauze and pressed on the open wound, causing Beomgyu to let out a sharp hiss.

“I need to clean and close the wound,” Yeonjun said, giving him a heads-up on what he was about to do next so that he would not cause the latter to be startled. “Are you sure you don’t want the morphine?”

A moment of silence ensued between them.

Yeonjun watched how Beomgyu’s face was still clamped up in pain. He could see that the latter was truly contemplating about it. It would have been comical how seriously Beomgyu was thinking about this, if not for the fact that he was literally losing more blood with every second that passed. No one was supposed to think this hard about getting painkillers.

“No morphine,” Beomgyu finally spoke up once he was done thinking about it.

Yeonjun almost snorted in response, but he decided not to press on the matter. It was not his fault that Beomgyu was paranoid, anyway. He had zero intention of harming him. However, given the fact that Beomgyu grew up in a dangerous lifestyle, it was probably a wise decision on his end.

Later, when Beomgyu was fully stitched up and Yeonjun had cleaned up all the bloody mess on the floor of his apartment and taken a shower, he found Beomgyu asleep on his sofa, still stained with blood. He looked so peaceful and innocent like this, almost as if he was not capable of any of the atrocious things that he reportedly did. He knew that looks could be deceiving, though.

That night, Yeonjun went to bed with his heart pulsating, anticipating what was to come the next day.

 

 

When Yeonjun woke up, it was almost noon.

Everything that happened before he fell asleep came rushing back to his mind and he immediately sat up. Quickly, he left his room to look for Beomgyu and found the latter lounging on the sofa with an arm over his eyes.

“How are you feeling?” Yeonjun asked tentatively, peering at Beomgyu in concern.

“Horrible,” came the short reply.

Well, that would be a given after getting shot. While Yeonjun had experienced injuries during his spy training at Royal Academy, he had never once gotten shot before. He could only imagine the amount of pain Beomgyu was enduring.

“Have you eaten?” Yeonjun asked. His own stomach was already rumbling as it had been probably more than twelve hours since his last meal.

“I can barely move from here, honestly,” Beomgyu replied as he uncovered his eyes, finally looking at Yeonjun. His face looked exhausted with dark circles rimming his eyes. His skin was still pale and he seemed like he was in massive pain.

Yeonjun was dying to know what happened last night and why Beomgyu got shot, but he kept his lips sealed. Considering the fact that he saved Beomgyu, he should be entitled to know what happened, really. However, he had a feeling that if he asked, he would not get any of the answers he sought. Beomgyu had a tendency of dodging questions easily and Yeonjun did not want to pry too much lest he raised any suspicions.

While the urge to ask was strong, Yeonjun forced himself to control his curiosity as of now. So, he said, “I’ll cook ramen for us, then.”

That earned him a weak, grateful smile from Beomgyu. “You’re a lifesaver.”

 

 

As soon as the ramen was ready, Yeonjun grabbed the pot and placed it on the coffee table along with two bowls, two pairs of chopsticks and two glasses of water. Seeing that Beomgyu probably did not have the strength to lean forward and serve himself, Yeonjun decided to scoop some of the ramen into the bowl for him.

“Where did you learn to stitch someone up?” Beomgyu asked when Yeonjun passed him the bowl.

Trying his best to maintain his cool, Yeonjun pretended like the question did not make him nervous. He steadily got his own serving of ramen as he contemplated on how to answer the question. He knew that the question was bound to come sooner or later. Not everybody had this skill, after all. If he were in Beomgyu’s shoes, he would have asked the same thing too.

Alas, he settled for, “I took an elective class with certification for first aid back in college.”

“Ah,” Beomgyu nodded. “Don’t those classes usually teach only the basics? Pretty sure stitching someone up isn’t a part of it, though.”

Yeonjun gulped as he racked his brain to make up an answer. Curse Beomgyu for not letting Yeonjun get away with his bullshit answer. Of course, the only time Beomgyu asked him about his background was something that had not been decided beforehand. He had his whole life story memorised when asked, with a few tweaks here and there, but he had zero explanation as to why he had knowledge in a medical procedure. Never had any of them thought that Yeonjun would need to expose his medical skills to his target.

“We had advanced classes,” Yeonjun lied shortly, refusing to elaborate further. Then, he purposely took a bite of his ramen in hopes that Beomgyu would not ask more questions.

“Right,” Beomgyu replied drily, hand still holding the bowl without eating as his eyes narrowed. Much to Yeonjun’s chagrin, he pressed further, “And why do you have a whole kit with suturing inside?”

Well, fuck.

Yeonjun knew that he needed to do or say something that would get Beomgyu off his back. Beomgyu was far from gullible or stupid. In fact, based on the background check, Beomgyu’s grades always soared in school, displaying his massive intelligence.

“Have you seen the neighbourhood I live in?” Yeonjun asked back in return, scoffing. This earned him a raised eyebrow from Beomgyu. “It’s a slum. You just got shot last night and I’m assuming that it happened nearby and that was why you came here, of all places. What if it happens to me next?”

Unexpectedly, Beomgyu burst into laughter at that, his whole body shaking before he winced in pain, clutching the side of his abdomen. “That likely won’t happen,” he replied as his lips curled into an amused grin. “You won’t get shot here.”

“The chances are never zero,” Yeonjun refuted as he took another bite of his ramen. “I mean, look at you. What were you even doing in the area, anyway?”

Beomgyu shook his head, still grinning. “I didn’t get shot by a random person,” he revealed. “I mean, yeah, it happened around this area, but it was certainly not random. So, trust me when I say that you won’t get shot here. The neighbourhood’s safer than you think.”

Yeonjun’s ears perked up, mentally patting himself on the back for getting Beomgyu to talk about what happened without asking him directly. He needed to play this right if he wanted to find out more information. This was the first time that he ever had the opportunity to gain proper intel.

“Who shot you, then?” Yeonjun asked, wide-eyed and curious.

“My ex-fiancée,” came the nonchalant answer.

Yeonjun sputtered, dropping his chopsticks into the bowl in surprise. Did he just hear that right? “You were engaged?” he asked, his voice a pitch higher than usual. If Yeonjun remembered correctly, the documents he received did not mention that at all. He had no absolute idea that Beomgyu was engaged to another person.

“Yeah,” Beomgyu affirmed before he finally tasted the ramen Yeonjun cooked for them. He chewed for a little while before continuing, “I broke off the engagement last night. She got mad and shot me. Aimed straight at my chest, actually, but I moved away quickly. Still got grazed, though.”

Yeonjun blinked blankly, having no idea what to say to that.

Well, if Beomgyu’s ex-fiancée had a gun, it meant that she probably belonged to another powerful organisation. It also meant that a war would happen very soon, considering how Beomgyu was shot and almost killed. Yeonjun was pretty sure that Beomgyu would not let this incident go just like that. It was a matter of pride for Thursday’s Child, just like it always was in the underworld. If it got out that he did not seek retribution for the gunshot, from his fiancée of all people, everyone would start saying that he was weak and attempt to overthrow his organisation.

That was how it worked in a dog-eats-dog world, after all.

“Why did you break the engagement off?” Yeonjun asked once he recovered from the shock, choosing to play on the safe side. If he acted interested in the romance instead of the actual root of the story, he might get what he wanted.

It seemed like his efforts paid off.

“Because she was planning to slit my throat in front of both of our families as soon as we exchange vows,” Beongyu replied absentmindedly, like he was talking about the weather, as he continued to take bites of his ramen.

This time around, Yeonjun’s jaw dropped open. He had always known that this life would be brutal, but hearing about its brutality from someone who experienced it firsthand was a whole different story. He had nothing to say, really.

It seemed like his reaction, or the lack of it, caused Beomgyu to feel amused because a chuckle could be heard from him while Yeonjun tried to process the words Beomgyu just said.

“Why are you so shocked?” Beomgyu asked teasingly. “You know what I do, don’t you? That’s why you weren’t shocked that I know where you live.”

Yeonjun immediately shook his head, denying whatever Beomgyu said, even if he knew what kind of things Beomgyu, or Thursday’s Child, was involved in. Drug trafficking, money laundering, tax evasion and illegal gambling were just among the few that he could name right off his head, but he could not possibly voice that out loud.

“I have my guesses, but I don’t know what it is that you do exactly,” he replied, feigning ignorance.

Beomgyu’s lips twitched at that. “Good,” he said. “You wouldn’t want to know.”

Little did Beomgyu know that Yeonjun actually desperately needed to know so that his operation could be carried out smoothly. So, he let mild disappointment show on his face as he pouted, “I’m curious, though.”

“Don’t be,” Beomgyu replied, waving him off. “Haven’t you heard? Curiosity kills the cat, they say. Besides, if I tell you, I’d have to kill you.”

Shivers ran down Yeonjun’s spine from the threat, although it was spoken with no malice in it. Even then, he did not appreciate the threat, though, especially since he was here as an operative. So, he retorted, “As if you’re strong enough to kill me right now. Look at yourself; you can barely even sit up straight.”

Beomgyu snorted in response, choosing to focus on his ramen instead of giving Yeonjun a reply.

Well, it did not seem like he would get any more answers about Thursday’s Child as of now. He could redirect back to a safer topic that Beomgyu might be more inclined to talk about.

“Are you okay, though?” Yeonjun asked in a soft tone, purposely widening his eyes in concern as he peered at Beomgyu cautiously.

Beomgyu blinked, looking at Yeonjun quizzically.

“Are you sad over the engagement ending?” Yeonjun reiterated, maintaining the concerned look on his face.

“No,” came the immediate answer.

Too quick, really.

Yeonjun studied Beomgyu for a few moments to see if he was lying. Perhaps, as a part of the mafia, Beomgyu felt like he had to pretend like he was strong and impenetrable. That was why he answered a little too quickly when it came to feelings. However, upon looking at Beomgyu’s blank face with no indication of any emotion, he realised that Beomgyu was truly unaffected by it.

“Did you even love her?” Yeonjun questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Beomgyu scoffed. “Not at all,” he answered as his lips curled in disgust. “It was supposed to be a merger marriage. My dad set it up a few months ago without asking me and I had no say in it.”

“And you have a say in it now?”

“Well, the old man had a stroke; he couldn’t stop me even if he wanted to,” Beomgyu answered in an aloof tone, shrugging.

Ah, so the rumours were right. Choi Beomsoo was indeed sick. In that case, it was supposed to be Beomseok who took over the organisation, though. Yet, it seemed like the older sibling was gone and everything was under Beomgyu’s control, based on Yeonjun’s observation for the past few weeks. He had witnessed how every member of Thursday’s Child treated Beomgyu with utmost respect. He wondered where Beomseok had gone and if this arrangement was temporary.

“Besides, La Vista already intended on betraying us from the start,” Beomgyu added, interrupting his thoughts. “I don’t want to get killed at my own wedding so I decided not to get married entirely.”

La Vista was also a familiar name. If Yeonjun remembered correctly, they were former mobs whose businesses turned legal. It seemed like they had not left the mob lifestyle despite putting on a front that they were clean, if they were getting involved with Thursday’s Child.

Huh.

Yeonjun tried his best to hide his glee as he shoved the noodles inside his mouth to cover his grin.

After weeks of nothing, he was finally getting something.

 

 

Somehow, Yeonjun ends up on Beomgyu’s chest with the latter’s arms wrapped around him tightly.

Both of them are lying down on the bed, tangled together like last night. Only difference is that nothing remotely sexual is happening at this moment. Instead, the moment almost seems sweet and tender between them, like their previous argument did not happen.

Yeonjun is still crying his eyes out. His heart aches so much and all the overwhelming feelings that he has been putting aside to deal with them later come crashing down on him. It is his own fault, really, for compartmentalising those feelings for two years. He feels Beomgyu stroke his hair tirelessly, even though it has been quite some time since they have been in this position.

The truth is, Yeonjun is exhausted.

It is not the kind of exhaustion that a simple rest can make it dissipate. It is not the kind of exhaustion that goes away after a good night sleep. It is not the kind of exhaustion that can be fixed by doing nothing. It is the kind of exhaustion that seeps into your bones and settles in your soul. It is the kind of exhaustion that drains your energy until all you have left is a half-alive body. It is the kind of exhaustion that makes it difficult for you to even breathe.

Yeonjun wishes that Beomgyu does not have this kind of effect on him. It is appalling to realise each time, especially now when the operation is already over. Somehow, Beomgyu always has the ability to bring out his vulnerable side. Yeonjun has tried so hard to bury it all inside him, never to be thought of again, but Beomgyu being here changes everything.

Beomgyu’s presence brings back too much memories, too much pain and too much feelings. Yeonjun feels his own nervous system going all haywire. Yet, for some reason, it is in Beomgyu’s arms that he feels the safest, like he could lay his armour down, like there is no need to fight any longer, like he is free to be himself.

For the past year, without Beomgyu in his life, Yeonjun has learnt to numb himself, to compartmentalise all his feelings and to pretend like he is perfectly fine, as if all the things that happened during his time in Thursday’s Child were not traumatic.

Truthfully, having Beomgyu here ruins the illusion he has delved his mind in, forcing him to face it all with nowhere to hide now. Well, of course there is nowhere to hide. The very person that he is hiding from is right here holding him so lovingly.

The thing is, as much as Yeonjun wishes he could deny it, his feelings for Beomgyu are indescribable. They are all mixed and he has so much conflicting feelings that he refuses to name.

Even then, he wonders.

A lot.

“Did you miss me?” Yeonjun finds the courage to ask when his tears slowly subside.

As much as he wants to drown himself in misery for all the negative feelings that are overwhelming him right at this moment, he still has a job to do. He needs to know if Beomgyu has any sort of lingering feelings for him, at the very least, for him to find the appropriate way to proceed with his self-assigned investigation. It is all for the sake of his unfinished operation; that is why he needs to know.

Beomgyu does not reply for quite some time, choosing to keep silent. The question hangs in the air between them. Feeling impatient, Yeonjun props himself up to make eye contact with his husband. He knows that his cheeks are still stained with tears and his eyes are probably red. He hopes that this would play into his advantage. In the past, whenever he cried, it instantly melted Beomgyu’s heart. Beomgyu’s words earlier make him think that the same effect will take place even until now, despite Yeonjun’s unforgivable betrayal.

Finally, after a few moments, Beomgyu murmurs hoarsely, like the truth pains him greatly, “Every single fucking moment of my life.”

And there it is; the answer to Yeonjun’s real question that he has been wondering inside his mind but never said aloud.

Yeonjun frankly does not know whether he should laugh or cry over the fact that Beomgyu is still in love with him, even after everything he did. The rage that Beomgyu feels towards him is unmistakable. Yeonjun felt it when his hand tightened around his windpipe last night and he struggled to breathe. Hell, Yeonjun knows that every single threat Beomgyu made about killing him is probably real too. Death is the punishment for traitors and it is non-negotiable.

Yet, in some fucked up twisted way, Beomgyu is irrevocably still in love with him. That is why he is not dead yet. That is why he is still breathing. That is why he is in Beomgyu’s arms, being held so tenderly, like he is still something precious to him.

Right here, staring into Beomgyu’s eyes, Yeonjun knows that a question lays on the tip of his husband’s tongue too. He waits for it to come, but silence still envelops them. Even then, the question is loud amidst the silence:

Did you miss me too?

The amount of self-control Beomgyu has not to ask that out loud is amazing, really. Perhaps, it is because Yeonjun told him yesterday not to ask questions that would only hurt him and he has learnt his lesson. The answer to that question, be it yes or no, is bound to hurt Beomgyu and it is best if it is left unasked.

But Yeonjun decides to answer him, anyway, by leaning down and capturing Beomgyu’s lips in a full kiss. Unlike last night, he does not feel the need to turn it into something rough. He simply moves his lips lightly against Beomgyu’s lips and relishes in how soft his husband’s lips feel against his own. It scares him, really, how easily he falls back into the same habits and routines even though they spent two years apart, but something about Beomgyu makes it all so easy.

Yeonjun feels Beomgyu’s hand begin to travel all over his body, touching him so gently from his chest to his sides before finally settling down on his bare thighs. He lets out a soft moan when Beomgyu fondles his thighs and spreads them apart so that Yeonjun is now straddling him.

Both of them pull away from the kiss to catch their breaths once they find themselves running out of breath. Beomgyu’s hands still rest on Yeonjun’s bare thighs as Yeonjun stares at his husband’s face from above. As usual, he is unable to read Beomgyu’s expression even as his eyes convey a mixture of feelings and desires.

Then, Yeonjun feels Beomgyu’s fingers run up his thighs to the waistband of his shorts. With nimble fingers, he slides the shorts off Yeonjun’s legs. Yeonjun shifts his legs to help him out, leaving his lower body bare. Unable to help himself, Yeonjun tugs on Beomgyu’s pants, indicating that he wants it off too. He grins when Beomgyu lifts his hips slightly to ease the process and kicks off both his pants and boxers, revealing his semi-hard cock.

Slowly, Yeonjun takes Beomgyu’s cock into his hands, stroking him to full hardness as Beomgyu lets out soft moans. Beomgyu grabs the hem of his tank top and takes it off swiftly.

“I want to ride you,” Yeonjun tells him as his hand continues to pump Beomgyu’s cock.

Beomgyu smirks and moves so that he can lean against the bedframe, placing both of his hands behind his head, looking at Yeonjun in a cocky way. His eyes darken as they give Yeonjun a once-over. “Go ahead, then,” he allows before looking at Yeonjun’s shirt pointedly.

Trying his best not to blush, Yeonjun lifts his sweater and tank top up before taking them off in one go, throwing it to the side, somewhere in his already messy studio apartment. He leans over to grab the bottle of lube from the bedside table and squeezes some onto his hand. He wraps his hand around Beomgyu’s cock once again, lubing him up fully.

Yeonjun positions himself on top of Beomgyu, knees bracketing his husband’s hips, as his hands hold on to Beomgyu’s biceps. He rubs his hole right on Beomgyu’s cock, moaning softly at the friction. Beomgyu remains unmoved from where he lays, simply observing with the same smirk on his face, leaving Yeonjun to do all the work.

With one of his hands, Yeonjun grabs Beomgyu’s cock to position the tip right against his entrance before sinking down slowly. He tosses his head back as he feels Beomgyu’s cock fill him up, loving the sensation of his length dragging against his walls as he controls the pace. Although Yeonjun is still loose from last night, Beomgyu’s cock is still a tight fit.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Beomgyu praises, causing Yeonjun to preen.

Wanting to look even prettier for his husband, Yeonjun places his hand back onto Beomgyu’s bicep and begins to lift himself up only to sink back down onto Beomgyu’s cock. The pace he sets is slow as he tries to adjust himself to Beomgyu’s size. He loves the way Beomgyu continues to look at him with the same smirk etched on his lips, as if daring him to do better.

“Is that the best you’ve got?” Beomgyu asks challengingly. “You used to ride me better than this. Perhaps, you were telling the truth when you said that no one else fucked you because you sure seem out of practice.”

The words cause Yeonjun to involuntarily clench around Beomgyu’s cock, causing the latter to emit a groan. For some reason, Beomgyu always knows the perfect buttons to push when it comes to Yeonjun because now he desperately wants to prove his skills to his husband.

With determination filling him up and hands on Beomgyu’s biceps for leverage, Yeonjun begins to pick up his pace. He knows how to use his hips well and he would be damned before he allows Beomgyu to insult or doubt his cock-riding skills. He tosses his head back each time Beomgyu’s cock enters him, letting out wanton moans of pleasure. Everything feels good and the fact that he has control over the pace makes it even more pleasurable.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight around me,” Beomgyu grunts as he brings his hands down to hold Yeonjun’s waist.

Grinning in satisfaction, Yeonjun slows down teasingly while rolling his hips. He watches the way Beomgyu moan so prettily underneath him, hands clutching his waist even tighter.

“Seems like I still have the same effect on you despite being out of practice,” Yeonjun teases.

Beomgyu laughs before his hand reaches over to smack Yeonjun’s thigh. “Turn around, baby.”

Upon hearing the command, Yeonjun gets off Beomgyu’s cock and turns around before sinking down once again, filling himself up. He arches his back while letting out a loud groan, knowing how much Beomgyu would love the view. Like this, Beomgyu’s cock is at the perfect angle to hit his prostate dead-on and he fully intends on taking advantage of this angle. Yeonjun places his hands on Beomgyu’s thighs to start riding him again only to freeze when he hears Beomgyu tut disapprovingly.

“Hands behind your back, baby,” Beomgyu orders.

Yeonjun lets out a small whine, earning a smack right on his ass. Fuck, he does not think that he can ride Beomgyu purely with his lower body strength. He needs something to hold on to and Beomgyu knows that. While Yeonjun’s lower body strength is good, his stamina weakens easily. Deciding not to listen, Yeonjun grips Beomgyu’s thighs even tighter, causing Beomgyu to spank his ass even harder.

“You’re so mean,” Yeonjun complains, earning another harsh slap on his ass.

Beomgyu laughs in response. “You should listen to me the first time, then,” he chastises. “Now, are you going to listen or do you need me to make you listen?”

While the thought of Beomgyu making him listen gets him all hot and bothered, Yeonjun does not feel like getting punished right now. Today, he simply wants to fuck himself on Beomgyu’s cock and make them both feel good. So, obediently, he puts his hands behind his back. Immediately, he feels Beomgyu’s hand gripping both of his wrists, keeping it behind his back with no way to move.

The urge to whine and complain is strong, but Yeonjun refuses to give Beomgyu any reason to be even meaner than he already is. He decides to suck it up and begins moving his hips. With the restriction, he is unable to go as fast and as deep as he likes, but he tries his best. It must have been a sight for Beomgyu, really, to see him struggling from behind.

Yeonjun shifts around quite a bit, to ensure that every time Beomgyu’s cock enters him, it would be deep enough to hit his prostate. With no leverage, he cannot move as much as he wants, forcing him to roll his hips to gain some friction each time. Unfortunately for him, every time he rolls his hips instead of bouncing on Beomgyu’s cock, Beomgyu smacks his ass as a warning.

With no other choice, Yeonjun forces every ounce of strength and energy he has left to ride Beomgyu’s cock. The pace is slow and excruciating, but Yeonjun is unable to go any faster. Tears of frustration fill his eyes as he desperately needs more.

“Beomgyu, please,” he begs in a whiny tone, on the verge of crying.

“Please what?” Beomgyu replies, acting like he does not know exactly what Yeonjun is begging for.

“It’s not enough,” Yeonjun whimpers as he drops himself down onto Beomgyu’s cock, deciding not to lift himself up anymore. “I need more, Beomgyu, please.” Beomgyu’s tip is pressed right against his prostate and it is causing him to slowly feel overstimulated since he is not moving, but he cannot find the energy to even shift the angle.

A chortle escapes Beomgyu’s lips. “Need more what, baby? You have to use your words or else I can’t understand what you’re asking from me.”

Fuck, sometimes, Yeonjun really hates Beomgyu for how much he likes playing with him. He hates that Beomgyu likes making him beg for his cock, being the little menace that he is. He hates that Beomgyu enjoys the humiliating burn that flushes across Yeonjun’s skin whenever he begs. He hates that Beomgyu relishes in his desperation and tears.

Most of all, he hates that as much as he hates it, he loves being put into his place by Beomgyu. He loves the heady feeling and he loves going under and releasing his control to Beomgyu.

“I need your cock, please,” Yeonjun finds himself pleading as tears begin to fall. “Fuck me, please, Beomgyu. I need you to fuck me until I can’t walk the next day. Please, Beomgyu, it hurts. I need your cock in me.”

At once, Yeonjun’s hands are released from Beomgyu’s grip. He knows that his wrists will bruise the next day, but he does not mind it. He just needs to be fucked properly.

He feels the bed shift and Beomgyu’s chest is right behind his back with his lips against his ear. “Didn’t I tell you?” Beomgyu whispers lowly into his ear. “I don’t find the need to fuck anyone else when I was in prison because I already have a pretty husband who begs so fucking prettily for my cock. Look at how desperate you are, baby. Can’t fuck yourself on my cock properly so now you want me to fuck you instead?”

Yeonjun nods vigorously in response. Yes, that is exactly what he wants. Although he feels a wave of shame, he chooses not to care. Right at this moment, he just wants to feel good.

“Beomgyu, please, don’t tease,” he whimpers again, finding the little strength he has left to roll his hips.

Suddenly, Yeonjun finds himself being pushed forward. His hands shoot out to place themselves flat on the bed to prevent himself from falling face-first. Beomgyu’s cock is still deep inside him, snugged against his prostate as Beomgyu manoeuvres him into all fours from behind.

“Pretty,” Beomgyu compliments as his hands spread on the expanse of Yeonjun’s waist. “Do you remember all the filthy things we did back then? Especially when you were in this exact position.”

Yeonjun shivers as his mind brings back the memories of all the times he spent in this position. He feels vulnerable like this, all exposed and bare to be completely at Beomgyu’s mercy. Back then, Beomgyu liked to tie him up in this position with no way to run. Sometimes, when Yeonjun felt safe enough, his eyes would be blindfolded too while Beomgyu fucked into him relentlessly from behind. There were so many unspoken memories that should never be revealed to anyone too.

“Judging from your silence, it seems like you remember,” Beomgyu drawls as he starts moving slowly.

Letting out a small whine, Yeonjun tries to move his hips along to signal Beomgyu to move faster, only to whine even louder when his ass is smacked again.

“Do I need to bring my gun here for you to fucking behave?” Beomgyu threatens in a low tone.

Yeonjun shakes his head. “No,” he whimpers, forcing himself to stay still. His whole body is shaking right now from anticipation, but he tries his best to listen.

“If you move again, I’ll pull out and fuck you with my gun instead,” Beomgyu utters firmly. “And unlike all those times back then, I can’t promise that I won’t pull the fucking trigger, baby.”

At that, Yeonjun’s whole body sags, submitting completely to Beomgyu. He still remembers the feeling of the cool barrel deep inside his ass and the excitement that ran through his whole body. Of course, the gun was void of bullets back then. Now is a different story. He does not want to risk it, even as the thought of it makes him feel all sorts of excited.

Beomgyu hums in approval. It is then that he begins to move just like how Yeonjun wants. The pace is swift, hard and brutal all at once. Yeonjun can only moan loudly when he feels his prostate being hit each time, hands clutching the bedsheets to hold himself up.

All Yeonjun can do at this moment is take how much Beomgyu wants to give him. One of Beomgyu’s hands reaches over to stroke Yeonjun’s cock along with his thrusts. Yeonjun sees white as he tries to fight his own orgasm, knowing that it would start being painful when he comes. Unable to control himself, his cock spurts out cum endlessly while he gets pounded from behind through his orgasm.

Beomgyu does not let up at all. Not even when Yeonjun has fully fallen on the bed with his head lolled to the side, eyes half-lidded and lips parted in exhaustion. Not even when Yeonjun’s arms lay flat on the bed with no more strength. Not even when tears stream down his cheeks from the overstimulation.

Yeonjun feels floaty right now. Beomgyu’s cock is still pressing against his prostate each time it enters his hole, causing his brain to go all mushy from both the pain and pleasure. His body does not feel like his own anymore, as if it has surrendered fully to Beomgyu for him to do as he pleases. He just lays there and takes it; every single perfectly-aimed thrust, every single touch, every single smack on his ass.

Soon enough, Beomgyu fills him up with his release. When Beomgyu pulls out, Yeonjun can feel the cum slipping out of his hole, trickling down his thighs. Beomgyu’s fingers scoop them up immediately. Before Yeonjun can even blink, the fingers are pressed against his lips.

Taking the digits in, Yeonjun lazily swirls his tongue around Beomgyu’s fingers to clean them up. When he is done, the fingers pull out and Yeonjun closes his eyes. He really wants a shower right now because everything feels sticky, but his limbs are too heavy to move. His eyes can barely even open as exhaustion settles deep into his bones.

It is alright, though.

Despite the current state of their marriage, Yeonjun knows that Beomgyu will take care of him, as always.

 

 

Getting married was never a part of the operation.

In fact, romance was not actually a part of the plan. The initial plan was to infiltrate Thursday’s Child through the weakest link, Beomseok. Based on observation and detailed analysis of his behaviour, Beomseok was not one to dive deep into people’s backgrounds before working with them. He had never done his due diligence in ensuring that his contacts were free from traitors or spies to minimise negative consequences. That was what led to many conflicts and fights whenever he was in charge.

Yeonjun was supposed to get close to Beomseok and work for him. This would allow him to take advantage of Beomseok’s carelessness and find out more about the organisation. He was supposed to rise in the ranks of Thursday’s Child until he became one of the most trusted members. Only then he could destroy the organisation completely from inside.

The plan was thwarted right from the start when Beomseok was nowhere to be found. Instead, Yeonjun caught Beomgyu’s attention. While it was undeniable that Beomgyu held a huge authority over the organisation, Yeonjun was uncertain to what extent his authority had influence over crucial decision-makings and to what extent his people’s loyalty was to him.

With Beomseok gone, Beomgyu was the only person that Yeonjun could establish connection with in order to get into Thursday’s Child. Although the Choi family was big, Beomgyu’s family was the main family of the organisation as the leadership was passed down from the oldest male heir to the next.

Ever since Beomgyu came to him when he got shot, something shifted in their dynamics. Beomgyu was softer with him somehow. He even made conversations here and there whenever he came around at the nightclub. Yeonjun always tried his best to build some sort of bond between them, in hopes that it would gain Beomgyu’s trust and find a way in to Thursday’s Child.

Yeonjun had never meant to turn their relationship into something romantic. He had never intended to make Beomgyu fall in love with him at all. He had never wanted to form a romantic relation with anyone from Thursday’s Child. It was supposed to be purely about work.

Yet, unbeknownst to him, Beomgyu had other plans.

Five months since the start of his operation, Yeonjun had barely found out anything about Thursday’s Child, aside from their ongoing war with La Vista. His meetings with his supervisor had been cut short to once every two weeks now since there was not much to update.

Things completely changed when Beomgyu asked him one night with his head tilted to the side and a glass of whiskey in hand, “You know, that night when we first met, why did you start a conversation with me?”

“I was curious,” Yeonjun answered as he wiped the glasses he just finished rinsing.

“Right,” Beomgyu said, nodding. “Me asking you if you were a whore didn’t scare you away, though. I thought you would’ve stopped talking to me the next time I came around, but you greeted me every now and then.”

Huh.

If only Beomgyu knew the real reason why Yeonjun had to put his pettiness aside.

But, in all honesty, Beomgyu was not that bad to talk to, really, once Yeonjun looked past his initial rudeness.

“Well, I certainly don’t want to be on your hitlist or something,” Yeonjun replied with a teasing grin.

Beomgyu burst into laughter at the statement. “Please. Why would I put you on my hitlist when you’ve never done anything that warranted it?” he snorted, amused. His eyes were filled with mirth and his lips were still smiling when he abruptly asked, “Do you want to go on a date with me?”

At the time, Yeonjun was desperate for any kind of connection to Thursday’s Child. So, he said yes without any hesitation. If he could not work for Thursday’s Child, he needed to find another way in, somehow, even if it meant dating Beomgyu. It was not like he had any other choice, anyway. Beomgyu refused to talk to him about his business. Perhaps, getting to know him on a completely different level might help to gain his trust.

So, Yeonjun went on a date with Beomgyu.

Their first date went well. Beomgyu brought him to a fancy restaurant before watching a movie together at a private theatre. Their second date went well too. So did their third one. And the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh. Each date was progressively more expensive than the previous one, as if Beomgyu was intentionally flaunting his wealth.

It was a strange feeling, really, to be courted.

Beomgyu was sweet and kind on every date, making sure to pay for all their meals and activities. He took the time to get to know Yeonjun by asking him questions and Yeonjun had his answers memorised on certain things. Yet, on other things, he let his guard down, growing comfortable with how attentive and caring Beomgyu was.

Yeonjun had never been chased like this. He had been on a few dates here and there back in high school and college. He even tried experimenting, sometimes, to find out what he liked and disliked only to discover that he did not like to be touched by someone he did not love. He only had one serious boyfriend back then. They broke up a year before Yeonjun graduated simply because Yeonjun did not want to hurt him once he had to go on his operation after his graduation. The boy had no absolute idea about the life Yeonjun signed up for at Royal Academy.

It was unrealistic for someone like him to fall in love, anyway. Nothing good would come out of it. Yeonjun would never be able to give his partner the time and love that they deserve due to his career choice.

Even then, he allowed Beomgyu to pursue him, to pick him up for dates, to walk him to his front door, to kiss him so gently and tenderly. He allowed Beomgyu to bring him to visit foreign places that he could only dream of visiting, relishing in the beautiful view of the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty and the Burj Khalifa. He allowed Beomgyu to lavish him with expensive gifts and clothes, looking away each time his eyes accidentally saw the price tags.

It was on their eighth date when Beomgyu brought him to a casino where he saw Beomgyu in his true violent, sadistic self for the very first time.

Yeonjun remembers being so shaken that he did not speak on the way back to his apartment as Beomgyu drove. The silence was suffocating, but he still chose not to say anything to break it as he was still horrified. He remembers feeling sick to his stomach as the image of the man with his eye stabbed replayed in his mind over and over again. At the time, he knew that the image would haunt him for the rest of his life. He remembers wondering if he made a mistake; getting involved with Beomgyu in the first place. While he had always known that Beomgyu was a dangerous man, witnessing it was entirely a different matter.

That night, before Beomgyu dropped Yeonjun off, he asked tentatively as soon as he parked his car right in front of the apartment building, “Did I scare you back there at the casino?”

“Yes,” Yeonjun admitted truthfully. There was no use in lying to Beomgyu, anyway. The fear was way too obvious on his face. Hell, his legs still felt like they could barely work. If not for the fact that his hands were resting on his lap, they would probably be shaking too.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“Yes.”

Silence enveloped them for a few moments as Yeonjun’s honest answer hung in the air between them. Yeonjun had always wanted to appear bold in front of Beomgyu because he wanted to prove that he was cut out for the mob lifestyle. Yet, right now, he wondered if he was even suitable to be the operative for this operation. There were probably better operatives out there who could stand to see the violence and gore that happened in the mafia world, unlike him.

The violence that Yeonjun was accustomed to did not involve maiming people. Sure, he had been prepared for deaths and physical fights. But maiming someone just like that without a second thought? No. Even if his job might involve him extracting information from his targets, the torture would not be done by him, but by someone else.

Maybe, just maybe, Yeonjun was not up for this task.

“You know what I am right from the start,” Beomgyu pointed out softly, finally breaking the silence between them.

That was true. Yeonjun knew. He had always known even before they actually met. But knowing was different from seeing. Witnessing it for himself was a whole other experience.

For the first time since it happened, Yeonjun turned to the driver’s seat and looked directly into Beomgyu’s eyes. He could tell that Beomgyu felt no remorse over what he did. Beomgyu was not even apologising for his act of violence, either. He did not feel sorry at all for scaring Yeonjun, for traumatising him, for allowing the image to be stuck behind his eyes for the rest of his life.

No, not at all.

Gore was normal in Beomgyu’s world. Hurting someone else was just another Tuesday for Beomgyu. It was Yeonjun who was sheltered. If they were actually dating, if Yeonjun was not an operative sent to infiltrate Thursday’s Child and he actually had any romantic feelings for Beomgyu, he would have broken up with him right away. Nothing good would come out of being with someone who was capable of committing a violent act with no hesitation or remorse. It would be the biggest red flag ever.

“I’m not going to force you to accept me,” Beomgyu spoke up again when Yeonjun said nothing at all, as he smiled almost sadly, as though this was something he was used to. “I won’t blame you too if you choose to walk away right now and never see me again. I just wanted to show you who I truly am before we proceed with our relationship any further.”

“Any further?” Yeonjun echoed questioningly.

“I’m in love with you, Yeonjun,” Beomgyu confessed sweetly, sincerely, a complete contrast to what he showed earlier. “I know we haven’t been dating for long, but I want to marry you. Only if you want to, of course. But I can’t do that without you seeing and accepting all sides of me.”

“What other sides are there?” Yeonjun asked warily.

“Stabbing that guy’s eye wasn’t the worst thing I’ve done. It won’t be the worst thing too, because I will do worse for the sake of my organisation,” Beomgyu informed him in a matter-of fact tone, like this was simply something that Yeonjun had to accept as if it was completely normal. “I’d love to have you by my side and shower you with affection like I’ve been doing all this time, but I need you to truly see the person you choose to be with, if you marry me.”

Yeonjun kept quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say. When he first accepted Beomgyu, he had no idea how far he was willing to go. Marriage was the last thing on his mind because he thought that they were simply having fun with each other. He never thought that Beomgyu was serious with him. He thought that Beomgyu would get bored of him someday and when that day came, Yeonjun would have found a way to join Thursday’s Child.

If Yeonjun rejected him, however, nothing could come back from this. The casino was the first time that Beomgyu had brought him into his world. It was what Yeonjun had been wanting all along. Hell, if the initial plan of working for Thursday’s Child was actually carried out, he would have probably seen more violence and gore. This was just a little bit of it.

Besides, it was the first time that an operative had gotten close to a Thursday’s Child member. He knew from Seokjin that all past operatives had been killed in their operation as they had gotten caught by Beomgyu. It was Beomgyu who was thorough and detailed about every person who joined the organisation, especially high-ranking ones. The fact that Beomgyu had yet to discover Yeonjun’s real identity meant that he passed Beomgyu’s background check.

What kind of operative would Yeonjun be if he backed out just because he was scared of a little bit of blood? He had trained for this and he needed to make sure that this operation was pulled off successfully, by hook or by crook. That was why he was sent to Royal Academy. He needed to do this for the sake of his country.

Even then, it did not erase the fact that he was still petrified. Beomgyu literally wanted to marry him. Could he even survive that? Being married to the mafia? If this was only a little bit of Beomgyu’s world, how much worse would it get? Could Yeonjun handle all of this?

Fuck. He could not come to a decision right now.

“Beomgyu,” Yeonjun called out softly. The way Beomgyu perked up immediately would have been adorable, if not for the blood on his cuff. He needed to play it safe, so he uttered as earnestly as he could, “I love you too. I just need some time to process what happened. Can you give me that?”

Beomgyu nodded. “Of course,” he agreed. “Will you call me once you’ve made your decision?”

“I will,” Yeonjun promised.

 

 

“Absolutely fucking not,” Seokjin snapped as his voice rose an octave higher than usual.

Yeonjun watched as his supervisor paced back and forth inside the warehouse where they agreed to meet. It was obvious that Seokjin was agitated and horrified by what Yeonjun just said. Well, it was to be expected, though. He had come to a crazy decision, after all.

“When I told you to get close to Beomgyu, I didn’t mean making him fall in love with you and marrying him,” Seokjin burst out as his eyes were wild with anxiety.

“Sorry,” Yeonjun apologised sheepishly, knowing that Operation: Thursday had taken an unexpected turn so far from what was initially planned. “He didn’t seem like he had any interest in me beyond romantic relations, though. I have no other choice.”

“You can’t marry him,” Seokjin said flatly, narrowing his eyes. “I won’t allow it. That’s an order from your superior.”

Yeonjun sighed quietly to himself. Although the reaction was expected, he did not feel like dealing with this outburst. Little did Seokjin know that he already agreed to the marriage proposal a few days ago. Regardless of what his supervisor said, his mind was made up and nothing could change it.

“You need to pull out of this operation. This has become too dangerous to continue,” Seokjin uttered, forehead frowning in worry.

“You were the one who assigned me this operation,” Yeonjun reminded him, crossing his arms over his chest. He felt like his ability was being doubted right now. Did Seokjin think that he could not pull off this operation just because it was too dangerous to proceed?

Sure, Yeonjun had his doubts over his abilities when he was thinking it over. However, he had come to the conclusion that he refused to be a coward. He needed to rise to the challenge and prove himself worthy as the valedictorian for his cohort. It would be embarrassing as fuck if he were to give up on his first ever operation.

“It was Beomseok you were supposed to get close to, not his crazy younger brother,” Seokjin shot back. “We have plenty valid reasons to drop this operation. We can regroup and make another plan. You can take on a new identity without marrying someone from the mob. You do realise that if you marry him, you’d actually marry him because we didn’t give you a fake identity for this operation, right?”

Taking in a deep breath, Yeonjun let it out slowly, wanting to calm himself down. There was no use in fighting fire with fire. If Seokjin was anxious about this, he needed to be calm and show that he was up for it. Lashing out would only result in distrust.

“Well, Beomseok’s nowhere to be found and Beomgyu’s the one who’s offering me a way in to Thursday’s Child,” Yeonjun said in a matter-of-fact tone, hoping Seokjin would see reason and logic over whatever sentiments his supervisor had. “You guys have been after Thursday’s Child for so many years now. They’re a four-generation mafia and it’s time to end them, isn’t it? This is our opportunity.”

Seokjin pursed his lips into a straight line. He still looked worried and anxious as he studied Yeonjun’s face.

“I just hate the thought of putting you in grave danger. Marrying Beomgyu means you’ll be surrounded by the enemy all the time. You’ll have to live with him. You won’t have time to recharge and come back another day when you feel tired of your curated identity. You’ll constantly have to put on your mask, even in your own bedroom. Not to mention all the other intimate aspects that you need to do when you marry him,” Seokjin said.

Ah, it was not like Yeonjun did not consider everything that Seokjin just uttered. It was his fears too, honestly. While he and Beomgyu had been touchy with each other, it was not particularly a pleasant experience, considering how he would rather be touched by someone he loved. However, he decided that he refused to let his discomfort get in the way of the operation. Too much was at stake. He would just need to find a way to grow comfortable with Beomgyu enough to establish physical intimacy with him, then.

“I’m confident that I can do it,” Yeonjun replied with conviction.

Seokjin did not say anything for a little while. “Fine,” he finally relented. “But any time you want to end the operation for whatever reason, you have to immediately let me know, especially if you’re in danger.”

Yeonjun nodded in response.

Back then, he had no idea that his decision to marry Beomgyu would bring about so much changes in his life. He did not know the things that he would have to go through over the course of five years. He was blissfully unaware of what was to come.

There are nights when he wonders, if he had known what he knows now back then, would he still make the same decision? Would he still choose to marry Beomgyu? Or would he choose to walk away, as Seokjin told him to?

If he had known the kind of person he would eventually become and the things he would eventually end up doing, would he choose differently?

 

 

While Yeonjun has become desensitised to the idea of actually dying, he still remembers the first time that he looked at death in the eye vividly.

It was three weeks after his wedding with Beomgyu. They had just returned from their honeymoon when Beomgyu told him that he needed a favour. As the supportive husband, Yeonjun willingly agreed without fully knowing what he was getting himself into.

The plan was simple enough and Yeonjun naively believed that everything would go well.

He was supposed to go inside a crack house at the end of the alley somewhere in Gwanak-gu and buy some cocaine. Beomgyu said that he needed it for an experiment, although he did not specify what kind of experiment it would be. Yeonjun had learnt not to ask questions because he knew that they would be unanswered.

The task seemed easy enough, anyway. It did not seem like it would bring any trouble. He did not think much of it because he knew that the place was populated by college students so he did not have much reason to believe that he would be in danger. He merely thought that the crack house was a place where these students got their stash of weed or whatever drugs they were looking for.

Boy, was he wrong.

The minute he stepped inside the crack house, he was immediately attacked and forced down to the floor with his right cheek pressing against the rough carpet. A foot was kept on his other cheek, making sure he stayed pressed right there without any means to get up.

“Now, what the fuck is a bastard from Thursday’s Child doing here?” the man who was stepping on his face sneered in a mocking tone. “Don’t you know that there are places you shouldn’t trespass?”

Fuck. He must have recognised him from the skull ring he wore on his finger. Now that he and Beomgyu were married, it meant that he was one of the high-rank members of Thursday’s Child who was allowed to wear the ring to signify his allegiance.

At the time, Yeonjun was too frightened to respond. His whole body was trembling as he had no idea what the fuck was going on. All he knew was that he was supposed to purchase some cocaine for Beomgyu. He wondered for a moment if Beomgyu accidentally gave him the wrong address.

“You know the price for trespassing is death, don’t you?” the man asked rhetorically, pressing his foot down on his cheek even harder.

If Yeonjun thought that he was scared before, he was wrong. He was beyond scared now. “It was a mistake,” he gritted out in pain and fear when the pressure on his left cheek intensified. “Please, I didn’t mean to.” Tears blurred his eyes as the thought of death caused his whole nervous system to shut down. He had yet to even uncover Thursday’s Child’s secrets properly. It was too soon to die.

The man snorted. Before Yeonjun knew it, the man removed his foot from his cheek and he was manhandled into standing. Then, he was shoved right into a wooden chair and a bunch of other men he did not know or recognise began tying him up.

At that moment, Yeonjun genuinely believed that he was going to die. He did not know what all these people were going to do to him, especially since he now knew that they probably belonged to a rival organisation. The crack house was not somewhere he was welcomed because it was not his husband’s or his husband’s contact’s territory.

Being undercover meant that his life was in constant danger, but the prospect of actually facing death was now dawning on him. He was not ready to die yet. There were still so many things that he wanted to do. It was so unfair that this was how he was going to die; in a crack house killed by a bunch of people he did not even recognise.

Yeonjun had no clue how long it took as he sat there trembling like crazy, but eventually Beomgyu arrived with a white cloth in hand. Next to him was Soobin. Both of them were dressed in all black and armed. The relief was palpable as soon as Yeonjun saw them because he knew that Beomgyu would do anything to ensure that he was safe like he always had.

Beomgyu tossed the white cloth on the ground to show that they came here to negotiate instead of going into a war.

“Your man shamelessly walked through this door like it was fucking nothing,” the man who had attacked Yeonjun said in a gruff voice. “Do you take me for a fool? Are you trying to fucking sabotage our negotiations?”

“Ah, Jinki, don’t take it to heart,” Beomgyu chided lightly as he smiled. He gestured towards Yeonjun with his hands. “That’s my husband right there, you know. We just got back from our honeymoon. Surely, you could cut us newlyweds some slack?”

The man, Jinki, scoffed.

“He’s new to the family,” Beomgyu went on as his eyes met Yeonjun’s. Yeonjun could only watch as Beomgyu used his silver tongue to get him out of this shit. “He has a bit of an… how do I put this delicately? Ah, addiction, you see. I forbade him from getting any of ours, so he must’ve gone out and tried to get it elsewhere. I apologise, really, but he’s new and still learning the ropes. He didn’t know any better.”

It was then that Yeonjun realised something crucial as he listened to Beomgyu’s words. An ugly feeling of betrayal began to fester inside him. Beomgyu deliberately sent him here. He did not give the wrong address at all. It was all a part of his plan.

“Keep your man in check, then,” Jinki snapped. “I’ll let it go just once, but I demand an increase in Red Dragon’s profits for our deal.”

“That can be arranged,” Beomgyu replied smoothly. “But first, you should untie my husband. Those ropes look like it hurts.”

With a nod, Jinki’s men immediately went to untie the ropes around Yeonjun’s whole body. Yeonjun could feel the rope burns around his wrists and ankles and tried his best not to wince even as his eyes were still filled with tears. This time around, it was tears of anger instead of fear.

It was Soobin who came to help him get up from the chair and leave the crack house. Meanwhile, Beomgyu and Jinki continued to talk business for quite some time, leaving the two of them in silence inside the car. When Beomgyu finally entered the car, Yeonjun refused to look at him, choosing to stare sullenly outside the window instead.

Later, when they finally arrived at the Choi’s mansion, Beomgyu called for a meeting, gathering every single high-ranking member of Thursday’s Child.

“We finally secured a deal with Red Dragon,” Beomgyu announced.

Cheers immediately filled the room as everyone was celebrating. They were excited to hear the announcement, as if it was something that they had been waiting for so long.

Yeonjun was the only one who shot his husband a menacing glare as he stood up. Unable to stop himself, he voiced out in fury, “You fucking used me. You purposely sent me to them and made it out like I’m some fucking drug addict who couldn’t have enough. That man you shook hands with to make that fucking deal stepped on my fucking face yet you’re proud of what you have now.”

At that, silence ensued as everyone stared at him.

“Yeonjun,” Beomgyu uttered softly. “We’ll talk about this later, okay?”

“Why not now?” Yeonjun demanded as he stood up from his chair. His wrists and ankles were still hurting from the rope, but he ignored it in favour of lashing out at Beomgyu. “Are you afraid to let your family know the length you went to, to fucking negotiate with the enemy?”

Sharp laughter rang out as soon as the words left Yeonjun’s lips. It came from Soojung, Beomgyu’s stepmother. “Oh, darling,” she said pityingly as her eyes darkened. “Is it your first time seeing the man you married as who he truly is? He’s done so much worse than sending the person he loves to a crack house to get a deal. So much fucking worse.”

The thing was, Yeonjun knew. He had seen a lot, even though they had only been married for three weeks. He just never thought that Beomgyu would use him, of all people, for the sake of business. It just felt cruel and heartless, like all of Beomgyu’s words of protecting him were lies.

It was right then that Yeonjun knew that he needed to get stronger if he wanted to survive in this world.

After the meeting, Beomgyu apologised when it was only the two of them in their bedroom, away from the others. He told him that he would have never sent him to that crack house if Yeonjun’s safety was not guaranteed. The only reason he did that was because he knew those people would not harm him at all. He just needed someone new yet important enough to him to enter the enemy’s territory so he could play it off as an accident. It was one of his hidden cards for negotiations.

Initially, Yeonjun remained stiff and unforgiving. While forgiveness was hard to give, he could not deny that Beomgyu was good at softening his heart. His husband kissed the marks around his wrists gently and held him so tightly, promising to keep him safe no matter what. He promised not to ever do that to Yeonjun again and vowed not to let Jinki go unpunished for stepping on his face.

So, three years later, when Red Dragon was no longer of any use to Thursday’s Child, Beomgyu brought Yeonjun down to the basement of the Choi’s mansion only for him to see Jinki tied up in a wooden chair, badly beaten up.

“Which foot did he use to step on your face, baby?” his husband asked, almost giggling, like the fact that he had Jinki tied up in the basement made him gleeful.

“I don’t remember,” Yeonjun replied, wary of what was going to happen as he looked at Jinki’s pitiful state. The guy looked too out of it to even beg for his life.

“Well, it just means that I’ll have to take both feet, then,” Beomgyu replied dismissively as he turned to cup Yeonjun’s face gently. He planted a small kiss on his lips before pulling away. “See, Yeonjun, I always keep my promises to you.”

This time around, Yeonjun did not flinch as he watched.

 

 

Notes:

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