Chapter Text
Time heals wounds and though some will leave scars it can still lessen the pain.
During the week Abel had stayed he and Cain reunited. At first things were tense, understandably so, but after a little nudge from their father they were crying and holding onto the other as they screamed apologies to the other.
Abel for not seeing his brother’s pain while alive.
Cain for bringing pain onto him.
By the end Ada was holding onto both of her children. Crying happily as they were a family restored. Much has happened since then, once every two weeks her second born would come down for a weekend trip with his father and step father.
Cain had taken to hanging out in Pride more. Though Wrath was still and always would be his home he wished to bond with his parent and brother again. It helped that his new girlfriend hung around pride a lot.
When Ada had heard her son had finally found someone after so many years alone she was over the moon ecstatic. It definitely helped that she also happened to be a famous pop star whose music Ada listed to quite often.
Things were definitely starting to look up for the Morningstar family. Charlie had even gotten a new resident named Baxter. He had heard of her idea of betterment and though she no longer held the promise of eventual ascension she would give a home to those in need.
As for Ada……Well she was no longer unhappy…..to an extent.
She had her boys back, she had the love of her life……and yet she was still pregnant. Not for long mind you since according to Bel she was due any day now.
But that only gave her the sense of dread. She was terrified of giving birth and just having this baby in general.
Even though Bel told her she could have an epidural which would take away most of her pain it was still scary. Luckily for her Lucifer assured his bride of any worries. “I'll be right there with you the whole time okay? You're not going through this alone.”
She really appreciated it.
When the time came, Bel induced Ada early to make it better and gave her the epidural.
It was nice, she didn't feel a thing.
What sucked was she couldn't eat anything other than ice chips, apparently if she ate normal food and pushed well..... Shit happens.
It took 6 hours of pushing on and off but soon the baby was born.
Baby Avery Willow Morningstar.
Lucifer cried as he cut the cord and was handed the baby girl in a bundle of blankets, she looked just like Ada. “Oh dove look, she's beautiful just like you.” He gently laid the baby on her mother’s chest and Ada could only stare at the pink wiggling creature for a few moments before something settled in.
She felt nothing.
No love, no warmth, she felt absolutely nothing for her daughter. It was almost as if she never gave birth to her at all and she was handed a strangers child. But no that wasn’t all she was beginning to feel something.
It was…
It was….
Resentment
With horrifying realization she had found herself resenting her own daughter for all that she had gone through.
For having to get pregnant with her, from having a hard pregnancy, then to having her paranoia and anxiety about becoming a mother manifest so that she can’t even feel like she’s a good parent.
Which all ultimately ended with her having a fearful though un painful birth it was still nerve wracking and left her shaking and still sore in the end.
She had gone through this because of this, this, this THING!!!
“Honey can you take her back please? My arms are tired.”
Lucifer tried not to frown, it hadn't even been a full minute. “Oh, uhh, sure.” He gently took his daughter back, he undid his shirt so they could have skin to skin and bond with each other. He sat in the chair by the hospital bed and gently rocked her.
Ada hated that she felt this way, this wasn't normal. She should love this baby girl...... It's a baby she had with the love of her life it didn't make sense.
Maybe...... Maybe she just needed some time. To heal, rest, get something real to eat.
Yeah..... She's hangry and tired. That's all it is.
A nurse came in and handed Lucifer a bottle to feed the baby with a tray of food for Ada when she was ready to eat it.
She could see the love shining in her husband's eyes as he gazed at their daughter, the love was clearly there.
Ada looked away from the tender scene.
Food and sleep...... That's all she needs.
The next day as it proved would not be easier, nor the next day after that, or the next day after that, or even the next day after that. Each day was spent taking care of a rather fussy newborn. Luckily enough Lucifer was there to help her.
Plus he simply couldn’t be away from his daughter for more than a few minutes. It had been so long since he had a baby. He almost forgotten how much he loved to take part of Charlie’s rearing during her childhood.
Normally she was taken under the watchful eye of her mother or her nanny. Due to…..reasons. But this time there were no reasons, no nanny and especially not a mother who wished to keep their child to themselves.
This time he was going to be there for his daughter twenty four seven, would never miss a thing. He may have failed his eldest but like hell would he fail his second. He supposed in a way that it helped that Ada let him be the one to take care of Avery mostly.
She barely held her daughter and when she did she could barely keep her there for a few minutes before she handed her off or set her down in her cradle.
Which as time went on it started to worry Lucifer....... It was like Ada didn't even like their baby.
Which was ridiculous!.......... Then again maybe not.
Don't get Lucifer wrong he loves being able to care for little Avery, but he doesn't want to be a single parent in a marriage.
They'll need to talk, enough time has passed that she's all healed now but she acts like the baby weighs 100 pounds.
So when little Avery was tucked away snug in her crib, with the baby monitor to keep an eye on her Lucifer had Ada sit down. “We need to talk.” Ada felt an uncertain feeling coil in her belly. “Okay.”
Lucifer breathed out before telling her. “It's about Avery.”
Oh.
Lucifer could see the look on her face and he pointed it out right away. “That.”
Ada blinked. “What?”
“That right there. That look on your face when I even just say her name, like you're disgusted with her very existence. I have already had one marriage be strained because we had a baby I'm not having another like that. I want the truth and I want it now Ada. You act like you......... You barely care for her or hold her or feed her. Do you even like her?”
Ada inhaled sharply. “I, I, I, I…………………”
With horror Lucifer watched as Ada burst into tears.
“I don’t!!!!”
Ada put her head in her hands and sobbed. She didn’t even like her own baby, let alone love. Of course after she finally has a semblance for normalcy and happiness it’s all gone because she can’t do the one thing she was made to do!
Care for her own child.
She couldn’t do this, she just couldn’t! Maybe that baby would be better off if she wasn’t even around. Lucifer was right, those infester demons were right, everyone was right!
She was a terrible parent.
“Woah! Hey, come here.” Lucifer pulled her into him and rubbed her back as she cried. He could hear her calling herself a terrible parent and that's when he stopped her.
“You are not a terrible parent Ada. Do you hear me?” She looked up at him with red bloodshot eyes. “B-But-
“No buts. There are no perfect parents in the world, did you make mistakes? Sure. But everyone has. And you were the VERY first parent so you had no one to ask if things were normal or if you were doing right. That's not your fault....... I-I-I could have been a better father to Charlie and I don't want to repeat my mistakes with Avery.”
He wiped away his wife's tears, Ada sniffled. She thought Charlie turned out great what was he talking about?
“What? But.... She's so good and you're so close.”
“.......... When she was growing up Lilith kept her away from me. If she wasn't home a nanny who was under her spell would do the same thing..... She used being able to my own daughter to get her way.”
Ada was horrified, with everything her and Eve went through....... They never did that to each other.
“So I missed a lot. I don't want to miss a thing with Avery I love her so much. And I know, even if you think you don't feel it, I know you love her too. I think you might have post partum.”
“What's that?”
“It's when you get depressed after having a baby. Some are worse than others. I'm gonna set you up with a therapist okay? I think you need it.”
Ada nodded and they both hugged once more.
Maybe…..maybe they can hope to move forward.
Together.
Ada anxiously bounced her knee up and down as she waited for her husband to return with the therapist he found. Apparently he was well known in the community of psychology professionals for working with none other than the sin of Wrath as a client. They had made tremendous progress and were even referred to Lucifer by both Bel and Satan separately.
Now Ada was waiting for him in the living room as they talked in the kitchen. She wouldn’t lie, she was down right terrified of what could happen. Never in her life has she ever gone to, talked about, or considered therapy.
Lucifer came in with a smile on his face and a little demon with a candle on his head. “Ada, this is Yogirt. He'll be your therapist.”
Yogirt flew over and shook her hand. “It's very nice to meet you your majesty, King Lucifer speaks very highly of you.”
Lucifer went over and placed a kiss on her head. “I'll give you two some privacy okay?” He left and Yogirt pulled out a little pen and paper, he got her to go over the basics of who she was and why she was here.
“I don't like my baby....” She admitted quietly but felt it echo across the room. Yogirt hummed. “Okay, why do you think you feel this way?”
“I don't know I just...... Pregnancy was hard, the labor while not painful, lasted hours.”
“What about the pregnancy was hard for you specifically?”
“Mmmm, definitely the part where I could barely do the simplest task because my belly was weighing me down. Then my breasts got bigger and they leak every time she cries, oh and not to mention that during the entire ordeal my fears of not being an adequate parent kept haunting my every waking moment!!!”
Ada felt her breathing grow heavier the more she spoke. By the time she finished her venting it took everything within her not to cry right then and there.
Yogirt hummed as he jotted away on his notepad. Taking in his queen’s words with deep consideration. “I see, King Lucifer told me that at the beginning of your pregnancy you two ran into a couple of infester demons.”
Ada slowly nodded. “Yes….do you think they are the reason I’m like this?”
“Well, they certainly enhanced your fears and insecurities but I have to know. Did you have doubts of being a good mother since the beginning?”
“The beginning?” She parroted in confusion.
“Yes, when you first became a parent.”
Ada shifted. “Yes....... Everyone does but..... It was a new concept back then and I thought I was doing okay. Then the rock thing happened with my boys...... I haven't felt adequate since.”
The therapist wrote more down. “That would be very hard. And Avery is your first baby since your time on Earth?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think that since this is the first child you birthed yourself that it makes things different?”
“Yeah..... Being created a man and changed into a woman to have babies is a bit of a culture shock.”
Yogirt didn’t doubt that one bit. “It would be. I'm going to ask you some harder questions okay? Have you ever had fantasies about harming or killing the child?”
“What!? No! Never! She's my baby!” Ada blinked as Yogirt smiled at her, how smart. “Good. You're not a bad parent your majesty. Being in the mother role instead of the father will be an adjustment. In fact, I think you're a great mother.”
“How so?”
“If you didn't love that little girl, you wouldn't be here talking to me right now.”
She grabbed a tissue and dabbed her eyes as they filled with tears while Yogirt continued.
“I'm going to book you an appointment for the same time next week okay? And in the meantime I have a little homework for you. Try taking of the baby. If she needs a bottle, at least try to be the one to feed her once a day. Same with a diaper, change it once a day. If you can, hold her for five minutes even if you're sitting. You're a great mother, you need to be kind to and believe in yourself.”
Ada pulled her eyes to the floor along with her head but she did have the faintest of smiles painting her lips. “Thank you….”
“I’ll see you till next week your majesty.” He got up and had the king show him the way out. As he did so the queen decided to get a head start on her task.
She went up to where her daughter lay resting in her bassinet near their bed. Avery had a peaceful expression on her face. Carefully Ada lowered her hand and with one finger stroked her child’s cheek.
Thankfully Avery didn’t stir but did use her own tiny hand to wrap around her mother’s finger. As if she sensed that it was her who was by her side. Ada couldn’t help but allow her smile to enlarge.
“I promise Avery, I’m going to do my best with you. I wont promise you I will be perfect because I won’t be. But I swear on all the souls in Hell that I will be a good mother to you.”
Her words nothing above a whisper as she watched over the sleeping babe. Ada may not know what will happen in the future relating her daughter or any other children that she might have with Lucifer but she will adapt and she will push through.
She had for thousands of years after all. This time around she had her first love to catch her if she should fall.