Chapter Text
In the morning Kevin found a note that had been slipped under his door that told him to take an additional exam in interrogation theory after dinner. He had already expected it so it wasn't a big surprise to him but he was still loath to take the test again. After breakfast he kicked Poptarts out of the room who immediately had offered his help but Kevin knew how much he needed the free time.
So he spent the day skimming through his papers, worrying about his most hated subject, sometimes glancing out of the window to watch the others playing soccer - and thinking about Connor.
Late in the afternoon someone knocked.
„Oh, I expected Arnold,“ Kevin said after he'd opened the door and earned a blank stare of Connor.
„Sorry for being me,“ he replied stiffly „I wanted to wish you good luck for your exam.“
„That's nice of you. Thanks. I thought you were busy with the party tonight.“
„Everything is already done and ready.“
„Oh, okay. Um. Do you want to come in?“ Kevin asked. He was sure Poptarts had talked to Connor about their thing and that was why the redhead was now standing in front of his door, tense and bugged.
„Chris talked to me this morning,“ he started and sat down on the bed. Here we go, Kevin thought, and tried to look all innocent.
„He already knew, I couldn't deny it,“ Kevin said and sat down on the other bed.
The Elder tilted his head. „I know, that's not what I meant.“ He hesitated. „He thinks we're a couple.“
„Oh,“ Kevin said. „Does he?“
„Yes.“ Connor's eyes were searching Kevin's face, but he didn't blink an eye. „Did you tell him we were?“
„No. I guess he must have assumed it.“ Kevin shrugged. At least it was the truth.
„And you didn't correct him?“
„Connor, I feel like I'm taking interrogation lessons again,“ Kevin groaned and buried his hand in his neck. „What did you expect me to say? No, I'm just having sex with my lead instructor, no biggie?“ Just to say these words made his heart ache. „And furthermore I thought his best friend could explain it a bit better than me.“
Connor stared at him, still as a statue.
„I didn't,“ he said.
„Didn't what?“
„I didn't correct him either,“ Connor repeated and looked at his hands. Kevin tried to hold his face in check. So Poptarts still thought they were a cute couple...? His stomach pulled in different directions and a warm tingling sensation went through his body up to his cheeks.
„Why not?“ Kevin breathed. He knew what he wished for. That it wasn't only sex. That it was more. Their talks, their touches, holding hands, their kiss. It had to mean more. It did for Kevin.
Connor looked up at him.
„Chris,“ he started, „he said some things.“ Kevin gave him a quizzical look and Connor shifted to the edge of the bed. „When we started this,“ he motioned his hand between them, „I told you I didn't want to be kissed because--“
The door opened and Poptarts stared at them in disbelief.
„Kevin, there you are, check the clock, man.“
It was close to 5 pm. In less than four minutes his interrogation exam would begin.
„Shit,“ Kevin said and leaped to his feet. „I gotta go, what do I need?“
Connor pushed his writing things into his hand, their fingers touched for a brief moment.
„There you go.“
„Okay!“ the recruit said all nervous, looking at Connor before he left the room, „I guess I see you at the party.“
–-
That evening Kevin finally learnt what Monson had meant when he'd told them about McKinley's famous parties on their first day. It was supposed to be an after exam and an early goodbye party – their last week before their missions, their last week of a semi-safe youth.
It was after dark when Kevin headed for the party room, as it was called. In fact it was just a soundproofed room without any windows in the middle of the District. There was even a double door system before entering it.
Kevin was quite late. His interrogation exam had been difficult, even more with Connor and their interrupted conversation in the back of his mind, but in the end they had let him pass.
When he entered the party room the noise hit him like a baton on his head.
It took a moment for him to realize it was music that he heard; actual music from the time before, playing loudly over speakers.
He could feel the music in his body and barely hear his own thoughts. But it was good and uplifting with a nice rhythm.
Kevin looked around. The room was almost as big as the main hall even though the ceiling wasn't that high. Colorful light chains illuminated the room, several disco balls were hanging down the ceiling, it was slightly dark but cozy and warm at the same time.
He spotted Arnold across the room and walked towards him.
„Hey buddy,“ his friend said and pushed a drink into his hand, „congratulations on your last exam! This is a cocktail by the way. With real alcohol!“
Kevin was more wondering at the little umbrella in the cup.
„Only a bit alcohol,“ Zelder commented next to him, „they don't want us to get proper drunk.“
Kevin sniffed at the drink and took a long sip.
„Gosh,“ he coughed, „people really like to drink this stuff?“ Arnold and Zelder laughed.
„Yeah, they do. You know alcohol is rare. I have no idea how McKinley got his hands on this stuff. Here, take mine.“ Zelder passed him his own cup. „It's only juice. I get another one.“
„Thanks.“
It tasted much better though he felt a bit warmer after the long sip of the alcoholic beverage he had before.
Kevin leaned against the wall, sipping at his juice. Some of the Elders, recruits and staff members were dancing in the middle of the room. Everyone was dressed differently which was strange to see but also exciting. Some wore shirts which seemed to be from their parents or other people before the outbreak – with logos from music bands, movies, random pattern or simply colorful - , some women from the staff wore dresses.
It was a welcome change after the last months of white shirts, ties and dark pants. Kevin looked down on him. He was wearing a blue plaid shirt and a pair of jeans he'd got from his father. Nothing special but he liked it.
His eyes scanned the room while the conversation between Arnold and Zelder drifted into the background. They tried to get all the references they spotted on the shirts of the people and if they didn't know anything, they made something up.
„Do or do not. There is no try.“ Arnold read aloud the logo of one of the shirts.
„Sounds like a sportswear ad if you ask me,“ Zelder said.
They made up a lot of things.
Where was Connor? Or Poptarts? Or the other dozen Elders of their unit? Half an hour passed and Kevin found himself sitting on the floor next to his friends. He'd just emptied his third cup of juice and felt quite good, moving in tact with the music with his upper body, listening to the meaningless and therefore wonderful conversation of his friends at his side.
Nothing about the exams, nothing about the training, nothing about the uncertainty of their lives in this world.
Then Kevin caught a glimpse of Connor. Apparently the D9 Elders just had a little party of their own in a smaller room next to the bigger one Kevin and the others were in. The redhead was surrounded by a dozen Elders and everyone was cheering happily at him. The music was too loud to hear what they were yelling but it was without a doubt directed at Connor.
When the group broke apart, either to dance or to hit the bar, he could finally see Connor in whole. He wore a black shirt and a pink tie and Kevin thought that he was the most beautiful being he'd ever seen. On his head a crown sparkled in the lights of a nearby disco ball, apparently a gift from his fellow mates.
Connor looked so flushed that Kevin couldn't help himself but to chuckle. Poptarts stood by his side, an arm around his shoulder, and talked to him.
Kevin had only eyes for the redhead. The hair under the crown was messy. Kevin could imagine too well how he had resisted wearing it at first and the others hadn't accepted his backtalk.
His cheeks were of a light red color and he seemed to be slightly tipsy – or simply overwhelmed by whatever the Elders had said to him. And boy, did he smile a lot. His face was almost as relaxed as when he was with Kevin – which made the latter a bit edgy but he swallowed his unnecessary jealousy.
He watched Connor roaming the room for something. Or someone.
Kevin resisted the urge to wave at him. Zelder and his other friends were still sitting next to him and he had promised Connor not to make any stupid hints when they were in public.
Finally their eyes met. Though Poptarts was talking to Connor, he left his friend wordlessly and walked straight up to Kevin. In the distance the blond man shook his head and laughed before he joined the other Elders at the bar.
Kevin was still sitting on the ground with his back against the wall when Connor appeared in front of him. From this close he could see that someone had inscribed 'DL' on his crown. District Leader.
Connor didn't say a single word but his eyes told a whole story. He put out both his hands to Kevin who accepted the offer and let himself get pulled up, both of them a bit wobbly on their legs. Connor put his hands on Kevin's waist and pulled him closer.
„Come with me?“
Kevin's heart was racing. They had never been that close in public. The tingling in his stomach was changing between a feeling of flying and falling. He didn't know whether Connor didn't care because the exams were over, because it was their last weeks or because he was too tipsy to realize what he was doing. Maybe all three.
„Are you drunk?“ Kevin asked, raising his voice to be heard against the loud music.
Connor chuckled. „No, I had to drink one shot but that's all. I'm just a bit psyched about everything right now. Did you see my crown? They got me a crown.“ He pointed at it.
Kevin noticed how Connor tried to hide the actual amount of excitement he was feeling but failed to a certain degree. He was chatty and energetic and it was intoxicating. Connor always tended to guard his feelings from others – now his hands clasped Kevin's waist like it was the most usual thing in the world.
„You look gorgeous,“ Kevin blurted and received a smile from him.
„Thank you.“ Connor’s eyes wandered down Kevin's body and Kevin could feel them almost like touches. „You look very handsome yourself.“
He pulled Kevin even closer, his mouth next to his ear.
„Will you come with me?“ he repeated.
Kevin wanted to say „yes“ but no word left his mouth. He could barely breathe. The tingling and the increasing heat he felt in every part of his body seemed to radiate from Connor. Softly he put his hands on the other's upper arms. It took all his strength not to kiss him right here and to say how much he felt for him.
„Yes or no?“ Connor breathed into his ear and goosebumps appeared on Kevin's arms.
„Always,“ Kevin finally managed to answer.
Connor took hold of his hand in a way that told Kevin he knew exactly what he wanted – or who. He led the way, almost dragging Kevin after him to a smaller chamber close to the exit. Connor didn't even turn around to make sure nobody saw them when they passed through the door.
It was a store room with some shelves, old exercise mats and technical instruments, low illuminated by a naked bulb.
„Was this a shortcut to the equipment room in the gym?“ Kevin joked and had barely locked the door when Connor was already onto him, undoing the buttons of his blue shirt.
Since they were still inside the soundproofed area, the muffled music could be heard through the door.
„I want you so badly,“ Connor mumbled. Kevin's stomach fluttered at these words and his hand found his way under the Elder's black shirt, almost automatically.
Gosh, it felt so good to touch him. When Connor had finished unbuttoning Kevin's shirt, he nibbled at Kevin's neck and fumbled impatiently on the zipper of his jeans.
Kevin's eyes widened when Connor crouched in front of him.
„Gosh, what are you doing?“ he breathed almost panicky.
Passionate and hasty make-out sessions weren't something new to them but first, it wasn't the most private setting, second, Kevin thoughts were still revolving around them both passing as a couple and third, Connor was bursting with energy like never before. A different kind of energy Kevin had never encountered before.
„What do you think? Celebrating your last exam. And something else I have to tell you later.“
Connor opened the zipper and slowly pulled down the jeans just enough to lick Kevin's hip bones, his tongue making its way towards--
„Woah, wait.“ He knew he wouldn't be able to think properly anymore as soon as Connor's lips would wander down to the part of his body that was currently still covered by his pants. Not that his thoughts were much clearer at this moment but at least he hadn't lost his words yet.
„Connor, wait!“ he said again and gently grabbed Connor's hair to stop him, accidentally pushing down his crown.
The redhead looked up and put his chin again Kevin's belly.
„You really want me to stop?“ he teased him with fluttering eyelashes.
Kevin affectionately stroked his head.
Instead of pulling Connor up, he crouched down as well and took his hands.
„Connor,“ Kevin said shakily, for he really wanted to do it with him, every fiber of his body wanted to have sex with the man in front of him, but he knew how much he would hate himself later. „I most certainly don’t want you to stop,“ he said, „but I think we should continue our conversation from before.“
Connor's facial expression changed. He closed his half-opened mouth, drew an inch back and stood up. Kevin followed him, buttoned his shirt and zipped up. The tension of Connor as well as the tension between them was back again.
„Right,“ Connor exhaled and lowered his head. „I'm sorry, you're right. I was a bit…overexcited.“
„Can we go somewhere else?“ Kevin didn't want to have the talk in a messy store room with loud music banging through the door and the whole District on the other side of the door. It didn't feel appropriate.
„Okay.“
Again Connor led the way. But he didn't hold Kevin's hand and he wasn't smiling. He was just – tense. They left the party room without looking back.
The cool air of an early autumn day bid them welcome. The quiet outside was a sharp contrast to the loud music inside of the party room; a full moon illuminated the grounds, barely any clouds in the sky. Without talking they walked away from the entrance, side by side.
On the other side of the party room Kevin stopped. No one would come that way at this time of the night. The pathway only led towards the training field and after the exams, no one would even think about coming this way.
Kevin leaned back against the wall of the building and took loosely hold of Connor's hand like it was a lifeline. Either this line was about to get cut or about to turn into something different. He couldn't tell. Not with Connor.
„You wanted to tell me why you didn't tell Chris that we're not a couple,“ he helped him to get back to the talk they had a few hours before. Connor looked at their locked fingers.
„I don't know,“ Connor said softly, obviously knowing exactly why. „He's a good talker. He said he hadn't expected us to...to fall for each other but now that he knew, he could see why.“ He blushed lightly and Kevin had to swallow hard. „He said some very nice things. About us.“ He looked up. „I kind of wished you had been there to hear it. I know how much you like things like this.“
Kevin nodded silently. He didn't want to stop Connor from talking.
„Everything he said, it made me think about some things.“
„What things?“
„About my no-kissing-rule, or rather why I had initiated it in the beginning. I was convinced of the idea that kissing would lead to feelings, to attachment. I'm not good with relationships. Attachment leads to detachment. I- I lost a lot of people in my life.“
His voice softened.
„My family, my foster family, friends. People I cared about. People I loved. And then I almost lost Chris.“
His fingers struggled in Kevin's but didn't let go.
„And I met you. And I liked you. And then I liked you even more. And I didn't want to admit how much you meant to me.“
„You said it wasn't the right time or place for relationships.“ Kevin remembered the words only too well.
„Yes, but...“ Connor raised his head with a look in his eyes as if he had to say something that was about to change everything. „When I said it wasn't the right time or place for emotional attachments, for falling in love, I really meant it. And I still do.“
Kevin was about to lower his head, not being able to look into Connor's eyes anymore.
„But I made a mistake in this equation.“
The redhead pressed his lips together and caught Kevin's gaze again.
„I didn't consider I might meet the right person.“
A nervous smile appeared on Connor's face but vanished when Kevin didn't say a word or moved either. So he straightened his posture, holding Kevin's hands with a firm grip, trying to make him stay with him.
„I was selfish and scared. And I'm sorry. Though I said I didn't want to get kissed, you kept asking me. Not on a daily basis but consistently. I'm not a fool, well, in fact I am, but after a while I knew how you felt about me. And then I started to feel the same about you. The night I almost lost Chris I realized that it wasn't working – to shield my feelings just by not kissing you. And then we kissed and....“ His voice faded.
Kevin couldn't react at all, he kept staring at Connor. A part of him still didn't want to believe what Connor was saying and he froze, not only his body but also his feelings, in fear of a trap.
„I tried not to feel anything but I was--, you already got me. And I wanted you to get me.“
„What...“ Kevin whispered in shock.
Connor pulled Kevin's hands against his chest and stepped closer.
„You got me.“
„Connor,“ Kevin said weary, „Please, what...does that mean? I-- I can't do this anymore. These ups and downs. I need to know what this is, what are we circling around?“
„I thought you knew by now.“
Kevin remembered the night when they had kissed and all the things he had wanted to tell Connor.
„I only know what I feel,“ he said, locking his fingers with Connor's.
They all came into his mind again. He took a deep breath and finally said the words he so desperately needed to say.
„If I lost you tomorrow, in two years, in two decades or at the end of time, right now it wouldn't make a difference. It would hurt the same. If we had kissed a thousand times or just this once, it wouldn't make a difference. I would love you the same.“
Connor came closer, his hands on Kevin's upper chest, and Kevin continued.
„I, I know we are young and we live in strange times but I don't want to deny myself to have feelings just because I might lose you, Connor. I just want to be with you, no matter how much time we will have. And if it's just tonight, I'd be happy.“
„But I want more than tonight.“
Kevin's breathing sped up when Connor's face was close to his. With a finger he softly touched Kevin's lips.
„You remember our kiss?“ How could Kevin ever forget this kiss?
„Of course.“
„I think that was the moment I knew that I had fallen in love with you.“
Without further ado Kevin pulled Connor closer and Connor himself urged forward to press his lips on Kevin's. For a very long moment they didn't move except their lips on each other's. Kevin was holding Connor's arm like he was scared he might leave and Connor's hands were holding onto Kevin's shoulders to pull him closer.
„Connor,“ Kevin breathed when they parted, still feeling the other's lips on his, „I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love--“
Connor shut him up by pressing another short kiss on Kevin's lips.
„I need to tell you something,“ he said. „I already got my mission location.“
„WHAT?“
„It's okay,“ Connor said and put a hand on Kevin's suddenly pale cheek. „It's why I was so thrilled today, it's...“
He took a deep breath and leaned his forehead against Kevin's, to keep his mouth close to his, to press small kisses in the side of Kevin's mouth when he told him the following things.
„The downside first. There's a District 9.“
Kevin thought he had lost all of his blood within a second. With sudden fear for Connor he pulled him in a tight embrace and pressed his nose in Connor's neck.
„There's a District 9 and I'm appointed to become the District Leader. Monson said there are already people living there, somehow. He made contact to a man called Mafala Hatimbi. They need help to make the area safer. They need guns, soldiers, food, a proper border, medical help.“
„I can't imagine there's an upside.“
Kevin felt a kiss on his cheek.
„There is, Kevin.“
Connor withdrew from their embrace to look him in the eyes.
„Monson told me there aren’t enough D9 approved Elders to join this mission. That’s why he gave me the authority to assemble my own team.“
„Do you mean--“
„I made a few suggestions and he checked if the people I named were at least qualified enough for a mission like that. They were.”
He took a deep breath.
“If you want to, I'd like you to be on my team. Because you are smart, you are one of the best recruits I've ever trained and because, well…”
Connor leaned forward and kissed him. Kevin put his hands on the redhead’s waist and pulled him closer.
“I’m with you, always,” he whispered. He couldn’t believe they had a chance to stay together. And more time, even it was in a District 9 far away from home.
“It’s up to you. It’s dangerous, as you know.”
“I feel pretty safe with you.” He put his forehead against Connor’s and smiled. “And I think the cute couple is ready to smash some zombie’s heads together.”
--
While the party was still going strong in the soundproofed room, Kevin and Connor sat down on the lawn next to the building, leaning against the wall. Connor's legs were spread over Kevin's thighs and he had nestled up to him. Shoulder to shoulder, head to head, their quiet talk was only interrupted by sweet kisses.
„Okay,“ Kevin summarized, „you, me, Poptarts, Arnold, Zelder, Church, Davis, Neeley and someone called Michaels and either Schrader or Widmar.“
„That's correct. The Elders already know. After your graduation, you and the others will get the official information and have the option to join us or to get transferred to a less dangerous District. Do you think everyone will join us?“
„I’m sure. Especially Arnold will be thrilled about it. I’m so glad he's coming with us.“
“I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I trust him with my life.”
Kevin wondered if Connor had thought of the night in the shower area. They had never talked about it but all four of them knew that it wasn’t off the table yet. But everything had its time and Poptarts wasn’t ready yet. Neither was Connor.
For a while Kevin and Connor simply enjoyed the silence and each other's company, holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes, getting lost in kisses.
„Do you think we'll stay there forever? In this new District 9?“ Kevin whispered.
Connor shrugged and leaned his head against his shoulder.
„I don't know. The mission is scheduled for two years. After that we're allowed to leave.“
„I thought,“ Kevin said hesitantly, „maybe one day we could live together. Somewhere safe.“
Connor huffed. „Somewhere safe. Like where?“
„There's a District with a security rate of zero.“
Connor looked at him and searched his eyes. „Zero? Do you believe in this?“
„I know how it sounds but Monson said so!“ With a few words he told him everything he had heard when he was a young boy and what had been written in the letter he had received.
„Kevin,“ Connor said carefully und cradled his face with his soft hands, „I'm sorry. There is no real District Orlando. It's not even a rumor. It's something different.“
„What do you mean? What is it then?“ Kevin asked irritated. His whole life he had believed in this District and suddenly he didn't exist? It couldn't be.
Connor heaved a sigh and kissed him softly.
„My love, District Orlando with a security rate of zero is a metaphor. Monson made it up when he was younger and he keeps using it whenever he talks about a new District.“
„A metaphor?” Kevin asked shocked. “What for?“
„It means that every District has the ability to become the perfect place it has once been; if everyone just works together, if everybody helps each other. If we don't forget what makes us human. And,“ he kissed Kevin once again, „if we don't forget why we're here and why we should stay here.“
Kevin didn't say anything for a while. He wouldn't get himself or his family to safety, not like he had hoped for. But then again they still had each other and in a few days he was allowed to contact them. Maybe he could even tell them about Connor.
Everything he had believed in began to shift into something different. So there was no District Orlando but he realized that he got the chance to make this new District 9 like he had wished the perfect District to be like.
Safe, secure and the happiest place on Earth. Not only for himself but for everyone who lived there. Everyone deserved a safe home.
Everyone deserved a home.
He looked at Connor.
„So it's a metaphor, okay, it doesn't make a difference.“
„Do you still believe in a District Orlando?“ Connor asked.
„If we're all together? Yes,” Kevin said, “I believe.”
- THE END -