Chapter Text
-1976-
-Japan, Chiba Prefecture, Funabashi-
-Nakayama Racecourse-
-Asahi Hai Futurity Stakes-
The roar of the crowd filled the air, shaking the stands beneath us yet somehow unable to compete with the thunder of a dozen cleats rampaging across the turf.
It was so, so loud, but I watched, wide-eyed in wonder as the runners flew down the track, their signature racewear resplendent in the wind and sun.
At the head of the pack was an Umamusume in bright red, a Frontrunner with all the power of a sports car tearing up the pavement. Her light brown hair streamed out behind her as with each stride her cleats dug into the earth and threw up clumps of grass and dirt.
As I saw the look of pure joy on her face, I could only think of one thing.
She was beautiful.
Could I be like that?
As the runner crossed the finish line, the announcer began shouting, the crowd going crazy. My parents shouted along too, a chant going of the winner's name.
I didn't understand much Japanese yet, but I recognized her name. Of course I did, we travelled here from our home country just to see her.
Maruzensky. The Front-running Supercar. Born in the States, dominating in Japan, so far undefeated and now with her first G1 under her belt.
From atop my father's shoulders, I saw her wave to the crowd. A bunch of us waved back, myself included, small arms flailing about above my head as I tried to get her attention. She didn't see me, of course. I was just one in a crowd.
Although I did see her single out someone down by the track; a blonde lady in a suit near the railing. Maruzensky blew her a kiss.
As the crowd cheered for her, she struck a victorious pose before turning to go talk to her fellow racers. Almost as if a spell was broken, the cheering began to die down as people all around us started to file out of the stands, some leaving while others broke out the glowsticks, ready for her Winning Live later.
“Alright kiddo, time to get down.” My father grunted as he shifted, looking to get me off of his shoulders, “We gotta hit the bathroom and then grab a good spot for the concert.”
My mother took my hand and helped me down, and I held onto her tightly as the crowd jostled us around.
What would it be like, I wondered, to be out there on the track, to be a shining example, to command the crowd…
If I was just as strong… if I was just as beautiful… if I were an Umamusume, could I feel that too?
A thrill went through me. I was excited. I… I wanted to be just like her.
Later, we watched and cheered as Maruzensky performed her victory concert, or as the Japanese liked to call it, her “Winning Live”. Groovy jazz boomed out across the audience as she sang the words to a song I had heard on the radio back home. I liked her version more. My mother and I tried to sing along, but I only knew the chorus.
I didn't care though. I was having the time of my life. I couldn't stop imagining myself up on the stage with her, wearing a dress just as pretty as hers.
That night, as my family had their last dinner before flying back to Japan, I finished sketching something in my notebook. It wasn't that good, but it was inspired by what he saw that day.
Turning the drawing to face my parents, I showed them what I made over their half-finished beef bowls.
I wanted to show them my new dream.
“Mommy, Daddy, look!” I grinned with excitement, “It's the Umamusume version of me!”
I wasn't an amazing artist, but it was clear enough. An Umamusume. She was pretty, with long hair and elegant racewear that evoked a sundress, much like what my mother wore from time to time.
I waited for them to smile, to say that it sounded nice, for anything to show that they were as excited for my new dream as I was, but they said nothing. Why weren't they saying anything? As I felt my confusion grow, they looked at each other for a second before my father looked at me.
“Tanner,” he finally spoke slowly, stern as always, “Don't do that, son. That's weird.”
“... Oh.” I lowered my notebook and sat back in the chair, “Okay.”
I was quiet as my parents began talking to each other about how amazing Maruzensky had been during the race, how much they enjoyed the concert, and about our flight in the morning, but I didn't hear any of it.
I was lost in my own head.
My parents had always been nice to me. They always encouraged me. They told me when I was right, and when I was wrong. Things always turned out better when I followed their advice.
My father thought that… this dream wasn't right?
I… I couldn't be an Umamusume? I… I suppose he was right. They were everything I wasn't. They were strong. They were beautiful. They were girls.
Wanting to be that, when I was what I was… was weird.
I looked down at what I drew, this bright vision of a dream that promised me happiness, yet I could never have… and I realized, dreams like this weren't meant for me.
So, I took my pencil, and crossed out the name I had written underneath the drawing.
Then I closed the book on the person I could never be.
-1995 (Present)-
-Japan, Tokyo Prefecture-
-Tracen Academy-
-Director Akikawa’s Office-
“Okay, I’m ready to wake up now.” I whimpered as I shrunk back from the rather intense stares of my boss, my supervisor, my colleague, and my childhood idol. The dream had been pretty nice up until this point, but it was outstaying its welcome by a wide margin.
“I assure you; this is no dream and you aren’t waking up.” Tazuna Hayakawa spoke sternly, “Who are you? What were you doing on Tracen grounds?”
What was I supposed to say to that? They wouldn’t believe me even if I told them the truth. I mean, this was a dream, yeah, but it had clearly veered into nightmare territory at this point. They’d likely just accuse me of lying even if I answered them.
At my silence, Eliyen held out a blue keychain with a few keys on the end that she’d confiscated from me when she and Maruzensky brought me here.
“We found this on your person.” She stated, “This keyring belongs to one of the Trainers who works here. How did you obtain it?”
I shrank even further into the chair. My ears had long since laid flat out of shame and fear, and my tail was wrapped around my leg. I wasn’t trying to hide my emotions, but my new Uma features made them obvious anyways.
“… I don’t like this dream anymore…” I muttered to myself, “I get it, I’d be a freak if I got what I wanted. Message received. I won’t be weird. Just let me wake up…”
Maruzensky’s frown deepened as she heard me.
“You keep saying that this is a dream,” She knelt down closer to me, “Why are you saying that? What makes you think that this isn’t real?”
I met her gaze for a moment. I… I guess I could tell her. It wasn’t like this was the real Maruzensky anyways.
“…This is a dream because I’m not an Umamusume,” I answered, grief creeping into my voice, “This isn’t real because this can’t possibly be real.”
“That doesn’t… why do you think that you’re not an Umamusume?” Maru asked, confusion apparent in her eyes, “You look like one. I ran with you, I know you’re one of us.”
I guess I should just say it. My brain let me have fun, now it needed me to acknowledge why my wish could never come true.
“…Because I’m Human.” I looked down at the ground, at the knotted hardwood floor, “I’m a Human man. I’m the farthest thing from an Umamusume as you can get.”
I saw them look at each other out of the corner of my eye. Yeah, they thought I was a freak for sure. They thought that I was weird.
Akikawa snapped her fan open, the word ‘Doubt’ written on it.
“Improbable!” She declared, “Who do you believe you are?”
“… I’m Tanner Liao.” I replied tiredly, “Not that I expect you to believe me.”
Akikawa and Tazuna whispered something to each other, and Maru looked at me incredulously.
“Liao-san? I don’t…” Her expression shifted, the doubt leaving it as she hummed thoughtfully, “…actually, no. I can see it.”
That gave Eli pause, and she scrutinized me a bit more, probably comparing me to the image in her head of my real self.
“…You’re right, Maru. She does look a little like him. Like he had a daughter with his Trainee.”
I blushed bright red at that.
“I w-would never-! W-With Rice?!”
At my outburst, Eliyen blushed along with me, finally realizing what she said.
“I didn’t mean to imply that you would! I was just saying that the resemblance-!”
Maru smiled, giggling to herself at her flustered wife.
“A Trainer having relations with their Trainee?” She teased Eli, “What devious teacher would take advantage of their charge like that~?”
I thought that I could see steam coming out of Eliyen’s ears.
“Rice already has a girlfriend, anyways.” I added, trying to calm down, “She’s with Mihono Bourbon. That, and there’s the age gap. I’m almost twice her age.”
“Back to the matter at hand,” Tazuna cut in, “There’s ways we can confirm your identity.”
She motioned me over, “Miss, if you could, would you please whisper to me some of Liao-san’s confidential information?”
“Such as?” I got up and walked over nervously.
“His Social Security number, the last four digits of his bank account, anything that the average person wouldn’t know.”
That’s right. Tracen had all that information on file. It would be easily verified! I leaned in and did just that. With a nod, she opened a file cabinet, thumbed through the contents, and pulled my employment file.
She thumbed through the pages and moved over to Akikawa. The two of them exchanged some words before looking back to me.
“The information checks out.” Tazuna confirmed hesitantly, “She could really be Liao-san, but…”
I nodded, “I get it. I might be a stalker who just knows way too much. That would track more than spontaneous transformation into an Umamusume.”
Having swapped her fan at some point, Akikawa snapped this new one open to reveal the word ‘Verify’.
“We should send someone to check his apartment! Also, send for his Trainee.”
Ah, that made sense, and I found myself nodding along with them. If anyone would recognize me, it’s Rice Shower. Still, this was just a dream, right? Why was it getting so elaborate?
Unless…
“Is… is this really a dream?” I asked the four of them, although Tazuna was preoccupied on the phone and unable to respond, “This isn’t… This isn’t how you should be reacting if you believe me. I’m a guy who turned into an Umamusume! That’s weird, right? I’m a freak!”
“Tanner,” Eliyen gently interjected, “if that’s really you in there, trust me. I’ve seen stranger things here at Tracen. While I’ve never heard of someone turning into an Uma, it would be one of the more mundane things to happen on campus.”
That gave me pause. I’d heard the stories, but…
“Eli is right.” Maru added, “Don’t worry, we’ll get to the bottom of this.”
I didn’t really have much of a choice. I just accepted that and waited.
Minutes passed as the dream dragged on and on… but what if this wasn’t a dream?
I pinched myself, wincing. That hurt… shouldn’t that have woken me up? Shouldn’t it have done anything?
I took a harder look around the room, trying to see if there was anything out of place, anything strange, anything that my brain couldn’t conjure up convincingly. Nothing stood out.
“May I see one of those books?” I gestured to Akikawa’s bookshelf, and Eli nodded, moving to pick one.
She spent a few seconds scanning the spines. I didn’t think that my request needed that much thought. I just needed any book, didn’t have to be a specific one.
Still, her eyes caught on one, and she pulled it out, moving to hand it to me before freezing, and her blush returned full force as she stared at it.
She stood unmoving for just long enough that I almost asked what was wrong, right before she shoved it into my hands. What was so odd about this one? It didn’t matter what book was-
Ah, it was this one. I remember this book, ‘Symboli Rudolf’s Back’. It was a… mysterious document, written by Rudolf’s Trainer back before they parted ways. Their relationship and the subsequent publication of the book was quite the scandal.
Wait, why did Akikawa have this?
“We purchased a copy for investigation purposes years ago!” The Director answered my unspoken question, perhaps picking up on my ears which had stood straight up.
Ah, right, the ethics investigation after it got out that Rudolf and her Trainer were dating, and he decided to publish an autobiography that got almost too detailed at times, that autobiography being this book. No wonder it didn’t work out between them.
I gave Eli a look as if to ask why she picked this one, and she just avoided my gaze.
She totally recognized the book without realizing it, didn’t she?
I bet she had a copy. I didn’t blame her; it was spicy stuff.
I opened it to a random page and began to scrutinize the text. If this was a dream, the contents of the book shouldn’t be coherent. I should not be able to truly read this.
Line by line, word by word, I read the book, and… it was whole. I didn’t see anything odd, it was just a normal book, strangely detailed description of skinship aside.
I could never read a book in my dreams.
“Oh my god…” I placed the book down on the table. This might be real. I felt a surge of elation in my core. This might be real! I might really be an Umamusume! I'd be able to run, to shine brightly like all those runners I'd looked up to!
This… This wasn't a dream!
Oh… but that meant… This wasn't a dream. This wasn't a nice, consequence-free dream.
“I… I don’t understand… what am I going to do?” I looked down at my hands, my new slender hands, “I can’t just… what am I going to say to-?! Th-This isn’t-!”
I couldn’t get down air fast enough. Everyone knew me as a man. If they knew that I had suddenly transformed, I’d be labeled a freak. My career, my social life, my everything would be ruined! And my parents…
Oh god, what was I going to tell my parents?!
Tazuna placed the handset back down on the receiver, “Security found Liao-san’s apartment empty, and gate security has no record of him leaving campus. His personal effects were found in his room.”
She glanced back at me, “Rice Shower is on her way. Are… Are you alright?”
I met her gaze and whined pitifully, my ears flat against my head, “I… I don’t know. Hayakawa-san, what am I going to do? I don't have any paperwork! I don't match my ID anymore! There's no way my Visa is still valid! I'm gonna get deported!”
Something in her expression changed. The doubt all but vanished, replaced with concern.
The sound of Akikawa's fan snapping open again cut through my panic as I read the word, ‘Contingency’.
“Do not worry! Tracen has many resources at our disposal! Creating documentation for you will be trivial!” She looked proud of herself at that, and I wasn't quite sure whether to be happy or horrified that Tracen apparently had channels to produce such forgeries.
Happy. I'd be happy about it.
The way everyone was looking at me had changed. I think they were sure of who I was. I think that they believed me. However, we were waiting on the judgement of the one person on campus who knew me best.
Rice Shower.
…
Wait. Last night…
“Rice is glad for your faith in her, but you deserve your dreams to be granted too, Trainer, whatever it might be.”
Oh my god. Or, I guess, Goddesses. I think I know what happened.
Were the Three Goddesses real? If you'd asked me that last night, I would have laughed. Politely. I was not a religious man, even though I had been raised as one. My family wasn't part of that religion, but I'd met plenty of Uma who were. I'd never put much stock in their beliefs. But now…
“...You know, Maruzensky…” I looked her in the eyes, “When I was little, I went to see one of your races. Your G1 win, the Asahi Futurity Stakes.”
There was a flash of recognition from her, and I continued, “I was inspired. I was younger, and I didn't know any better, but I thought that you were stunning. I thought that I wanted to be like you. I wanted to run like you. I wanted to shine like you.”
My cheeks were red as I looked away, embarrassed, “I'm saying this because… it might be relevant in a minute when Rice gets here.”
A knock at the door grabbed our attentions. Tazuna moved to open it, and I saw that distinct tall pair of Uma ears poke into the room. I knew them well.
“Rice is here.” My Trainee greeted everyone with a short bow, “Hayakawa-san wanted to see Rice?”
She nodded, “Yes, Rice Shower. Something has come up.”
She motioned for Rice to look at me, and I gave her an apologetic smile.
“Sorry to disturb your rest day, Rice.” I offered. She had just run a race yesterday, after all. I had told her to take today off, maybe hang out with that cheery junior she'd befriended recently. What was her name? Haru something?
Rice looked at me for a moment in confusion, before she noticed something and began to look closely at me, at my face.
“Does Rice know you?” She finally asked, as if she was on the verge of recognition.
“She is familiar, then?” Eliyen asked Rice, who nodded.
“She reminds Rice of Big Brother, but she also looks like Rice's mother… or sister?”
“I suppose I do look pretty different now.” I fidgeted under her curious gaze. Looks like I'd need to help things along.
“Last night, before the party, we stopped by the fountain. You made a prayer to the Three Goddesses.” I smiled at the memory, “You said you were praying for my dream to come true.”
I bet she didn't tell anyone about that. I could see the dots connecting in her mind. She'd probably needed a lot more convincing, though, it wasn't like someone else could have found out-why was she smelling me?!
I went rigid as Rice leaned in close, sniffing near my neck, my hair, my arms, almost like a cat that didn't quite recognize their owner. After a moment of this, she leaned back, eyes wide.
“... Big Br-!” She stopped, reconsidering her words, “... Big Sister?”
“Hi, Rice. It's me.”
I could feel the remaining tension in the room bleed out. There it was. The person who knew me best here at Tracen confirmed it.
Now came the hard part.
Rice was sitting next to me on the couch, holding my hands and looking at me with a worried gaze. Her concern was warranted, I was kind of a wreck.
The relief from being properly identified had worn off and now I needed to come to grips with how my whole life had been turned upside down.
“I… I shouldn't want this, though.” I moaned, voicing my doubts again, “What if it's a mistake? I'm not a real Umamusume. What if this is just to show me that I'm not worthy of being one of you?”
“Big Sister…” Rice squeezed my hands tighter, “The Goddesses wouldn't betray Big Sister like that. Big Sister helped Rice become a Hero, they wouldn't punish you for that!”
“Rice is right. Besides,” Maruzensky added, “I saw how happy you were when we ran together. That joy, that euphoria, that drive to Run… it can't be faked.”
She sat down next to me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“You were born to Run. You are one of us. You're an Umamusume.”
The corner of her mouth quirked up in a little smile as she almost seemed to be looking at something else for a second.
“Maruzensky…” I was speechless. My childhood idol, saying such things to me-! I didn't deserve it in the slightest, and I don't think that I believed it, but it made me feel warm inside and-Wait why was Rice Shower tearing up?!
“Big Sister…” My Trainee sniffled, “Big Sister ran with Maruzensky before Rice?”
Oh. Shit.
“I-! I didn't mean anything by it!” I sputtered as Rice was on the verge of tears, giving me the saddest puppy dog eyes I'd ever seen, “I thought it was a dream at the time, and I just wanted to run with her before I woke up! I knew it was your rest day and I didn't want to bother you-!”
Maru giggled at me. Hey, Supercar, a little help! You were the one who asked to run with me!
The door to Akikawa's office swung open again as the Director returned, Tazuna in tow. The latter had a stack of folders in one hand and a large white briefcase in the other.
Wait, no, that wasn't a briefcase. It was hard plastic and I saw ports…
With a mighty Clunk, Tazuna set the large thing on the desk and opened it… oh, this was one of those luggables I'd heard about! What was it called? A “laptop”?
“Tracen has many connections!” Akikawa declared as she plopped back down into her chair, with Tazuna plugging the computer in, “We can create a new identity for you, with the necessary documentation! It will all look legitimate to the Japanese government!”
Huh. It was like they'd done this sort of thing often.
“Approximately!” Akikawa answered. Ah, I said that out loud didn't I?
“It is my goal that all Umamusume should be able to Run to their heart's content, that those who would seek to ruin their aspirations are thwarted!”
She gestured to the laptop as it began to whirr and whine, “To that end, we have procured all the best tools, and fostered connections with important politicians, so that the students at Tracen can live the lives they deserve!”
I… wasn't quite sure what that meant.
“Abusive parents, domestic violence, prejudices, biases… and forbidden love.” Tazuna spoke up as she typed something into the computer, “A lot of doors open if you know where to push.”
Forbidden love? What did she mean by-?
Oh.
I looked at Maruzensky and Eli. They were married, that's right, but gay marriage was illegal in Japan. I mean, I knew that, but I never wondered how they pulled it off. I was just happy for them.
Akikawa noticed where I was looking, and beamed proudly.
“Yes, compared to them, fabricating an identity for you, Trainer Liao, shall be easy! However, there is the matter of your old identity.”
“Yeah.” I nodded grimly, “I would also wager that you can't fabricate papers for me on the US side of things.”
Akikawa's lack of a reply confirmed it. If I did this, I'd be trapped here, yet at the same time I couldn't return to the States as I was anyways.
Nothing to do about it… my old self would have to vanish for now.
“... We can say that ‘Tanner Liao’,” my old name felt bitter on my tongue, “went on vacation. Maybe I went hiking in the mountains or something…”
“Maybe…” I swallowed nervously, “Maybe I just walk off into the forest and never come back? You know, if I stay like this.”
Rice tugged on my hands, and I looked at her.
“Won't that make Big Sister's family sad?” She asked. Rice was right, it would, but…
“Look at me, Rice.” I gestured to my whole self. Emphasizing my two new eye-catching assets.
The ears, of course. I gestured to my ears.
“What father would want to see his son like this? What mother would? But you're… you're right, it would make them sad. I… I'll come up with something.”
I didn't want to make them think that I was dead, but… would they accept me?
What if they rejected me? I… I don't think I could take that. Better they love a version of me that wasn't a freak, even if it required faking my own death.
Tazuna looked uncomfortable by my suggestion, but still nodded, “Yes, we can arrange for Trainer Liao to take an extended vacation. You should send a letter to your relatives talking about it, to sell the story.”
“Will Big Sister still be Rice's Trainer?” My Trainee asked worriedly, “Rice doesn't want a new Trainer.”
Akikawa thought for a moment before proposing, “You can be a new Trainer who is filling in for Trainer Liao! Such an arrangement is not unheard of.”
That was good. I didn't want another Trainer to take over for me.
“I feel like we’re getting ahead of ourselves.” Eliyen gently cut in, “He…. She? Hasn't even thought of a new name yet. We can't… unless… you want to keep being called Liao?”
No. I needed a new name. A new name to go with this new body, this new life.
“I… I don’t want to be called that anymore.” I insisted firmly, “I need… no, I want to be called something else.”
“We can workshop it!” Maru said encouragingly, but I shook my head.
“Thank you, Maruzensky, but I already have a name in mind.”
Yes, it wasn't a new name, technically. It was a name I'd almost forgotten. A name that I'd written down in a small notebook when I was a child. A name that I scribbled out when I learned that to want that was to be ‘weird’.
“My name is Lilac Crown.”