Chapter Text
July 30, 2021
It has been exactly two weeks since we brought Alex home from the hospital. Funny story, actually. We got to bring her home on my birthday (best birthday gift ever). I have never been one to celebrate the day, but being able to bring my baby girl home that day changed my whole perspective. Waverly, god bless her heart, was a little upset we weren’t celebrating. Although she knew she was too beat and exhausted to do anything. It had only occurred to me that my baby and I share not only a birth month, but a birth week. The thought makes me smile.
The first few nights were a little rough. Alex didn’t really sleep well in the crib and ended up sleeping with us in the bed those nights. She normally woke up at least three times a night (every two to four hours). But in all honesty, I didn’t mind. In my mind, Waves had done enough. She literally just grew a human and birthed it. I made a point of letting her sleep at nights, knowing she was with the baby all day. So, I was always the one getting up and doing the diaper changes and the late night/early morning feedings (thank god for breast pumps). Waves insisted she didn’t mind, but I really felt like this was a way I could contribute.
We set up Wave’s old room into a nursery a few months before the birth, so we were excited when Alex took to sleeping in there during her naps in the day. Waverly has taken a liking to sitting in there and reading while Alex naps (although the baby still spends her nights in our room).
Yesterday was my first day back at work since Alex was born. And if I am being completely honest… it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. You would think that after all the crying, diaper changes and middle of the night wake up calls, that I would cherish the break from it all. But, I didn’t. All of that stuff is hard in the beginning because it is a learning process, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I spent the morning up early with Alex and her funky sleeping schedule to keep me company as I got ready. I swear, this baby is changing everything for me. I look at life completely different now. I mean, how can I not? She does this cute, gummy smile that makes it feel like the world has stopped spinning for a moment. But then it was time for me to leave for work and I almost cried when I had to hand her over to Waves.
Once I was at work, things went well. I was basically doing the Sherriff job months before Alex’s birth, so it was kinda just business as usual. Only difference is that now I have an office. I was reluctant to move into the office at first, because I didn’t think I could ever see it as anything except Nedley’s office. But then the man himself showed up and practically threw my stuff into the vacated office and watched me unpack it all for good measure.
Oh, and that’s another thing. Now that he has a lot more time on his hands, Nedley has taken to spending more time at the homestead. He has made a habit of stopping by at least three times a week to visit his granddaughter and always comes with some type of food for Waves and I to eat later. I’m normally not there when he comes over, but Waverly can’t say enough about his effort. Of course, we still keep up with the Saturday night family dinner tradition, so I do get to see him with her then. All I can say is, that girl loves him and he loves her. His gruff exterior visibly melts away when he has her in his arms. I wonder if he was that way with Chrissy?
Dolls and Doc have also taken it upon themselves to spend time with the baby. Dolls tends to enjoy taking her on afternoon strolls, talking to her as if she can understand god knows what he is talking to her about. He is always a big help to Waverly when she just needs five or ten minutes to shower or eat something. Doc, unsurprisingly, loves Alex. She seems a little fascinated by his mustache and I fear the day she gets her tiny fingers to tug on it.
But, I think the people that surprised me most are Gus and Wynonna. I had expected them to be great with her, but they went above and beyond my expectations. Gus is by almost every day to see her granddaughter, sometimes carpooling with Chrissy or Nedley from town. Gus didn’t raise Waverly as a baby, but seeing how she is with Alex, I know she would have done an amazing job if she had been given the opportunity. Gus is quiet and soothing and I can personally attest to how valuable those traits are. Wynonna was also a big surprise. She is still her snarky, sarcastic self, but things have definitely changed. She is more motivated and she has almost completely stopped the binge drinking. She gets up early and trains with Dolls and I before work and then continues to hunt down the remaining revenants through the day. But she is always home by dinnertime and is really making an effort to be helpful. I always make sure to ask her if she is okay. I can’t imagine how it must feel with Alex her and Alice still gone. She is honest with me. She admits it is hard sometimes and there isn’t a day that she doesn’t think about her girl. But Alex is just another motivator for her now. And honestly, I can see how much Wyn enjoys her time with her niece. It is heartwarming to see, but it also hurts a little. Wynonna is missing her baby growing up. Seeing how she is with my daughter… She would have been such a good mom and I feel awful that she was robbed of that opportunity. But, soon, Wynonna WILL break the curse and Alice will be able to come home.
I am doing my best to keep up with my journaling, and have actually managed to make an entry each day. But this is the last empty page of this journal so I had to buy a new one to start writing in tomorrow. It seems kinda symbolic and totally cliché, but the irony can’t be ignored. This isn’t a new chapter of my life. No. It’s a completely different book in the series of my life. I am flipping the final page of my old life. The one where I allowed my mental illness and my time in the service to destroy me. The one where I lived my life one day, one hour, one minute at a time. But it wasn’t all bad. It’s also the one where I met and married the love of my life, my soulmate. I got a great family, a family of choice, that is so imperfect that it’s perfect for me. But this new life… I live for my daughter, my wife, my family, but also for me. I have never lived my life for myself before and it is a little scary now. But for the first time, part of it is about me. I want to live to see my daughter grow up. I want to be there for her sporting events and class performances. I want to see her meet her cousin Alice and see how they will change through the years. I want to grow old with Waves and drink ice tea on the porch. I want to see Wynonna live her life, really live for once in her life, after she breaks the curse. I want to see us all free. I have so much that I look forward to and it is so scary at times because it all can be taken away so easily. One mistake, and it could all be gone. I think about it sometimes. When I have a flashback or a moment where the world of reality fades out and I can only hear the sound of the blood in my ears and the beat of my heart. I am not going to sit here and pretend my struggles are over. They are not. I still talk with Gus once a week and we still read from my old journals. We talk about my life before the Marines and the time after. I still wake up some nights drenched in sweat or have to take a few minutes to walk outside and clear my head. Although those moment are few and far between at this point. But I don’t think it will ever be something that will truly leave me. And honestly… part of me never wants it to. It serves as a reminder. Life is short and it can be so cruel. I have seen the worst humanity has to offer and a lot of shit that is more demonic than human. It all just goes to prove that life should be cherished and celebrated. Over the years, I have compiled a lot of photo memories. Most are candid shot taken by Gus or Dolls, some are posed and some are stills from a security camera. But these memories… they mean everything. I keep them in a separate journal. Whenever I have a rough day or just can’t pull myself out of a mood, I look at that book. I look at the photo of Wyn, Waves and myself huddled together in the backseat of Dolls’ SUV after coming home from my first deployment. I look at a photo Gus took of the team all in a group hug after Liz’s first visit to Purgatory. I look at a picture of Mike hanging out of a Super Huey helicopter or the still from the Shorty’s security camera that caught the moment I proposed to Waverly. There are about fifty photos in the book so far and the number continues to grow (adding more as my life and family continues to grow). I still keep those same photos in my uniform pocket, never leaving home without them (although I have added one of Alex in my arms). My life isn’t perfect, not by a long shot. But it is more than I deserve and there is nothing I would change about it. Life is just beginning for me… and I can’t wait to conquer it with my family by my side. Life is about more than surviving now… it’s about thriving.
Alexandra Whitney Haught
Born: July 12, 2021 at 9:18 pm
Weight: 7 pounds 5 ounces
Height: 19 inches
Eye: Green
Hair: Red
Parent: Waverly Earp Haught
Parent: Nicole Haught
