Chapter Text
When they were travelling the road, Wei Wuxian had once joked with Lan Wangji about how impossible Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen's marriage would be (not that there would ever be one hahaha ) since both of them were sect leaders.
Wei Wuxian had never thought it would happen and he had prided himself to be one who knew Jiang Cheng well. He thought he had figured Jiang Cheng out, knew what made the man tick and understood the motives behind his actions. All his life, Wei Wuxian had made his decisions on anything that related to Jiang Cheng based on those kinds of knowledge; from their childhood adolescence of him telling Jiang Cheng that no parents could ever hate their children, to transferring his core without Jiang Cheng’s consent because he just knew Jiang Cheng could never live a normal life, to running away from Jiang Cheng after he was resurrected because he was convinced Jiang Cheng would surely hurt/hate him out of pure spite and arrogance.
Not once had the thought that he might be wrong about Jiang Cheng ever crossed his mind.
Because he knew Jiang Cheng.
Because he grew up with Jiang Cheng.
Because he was Jiang Cheng’s shixiong.
Now that he was being sorely blindsided by Jiang Cheng’s marriage with a man, with Lan Xichen who was so different compared to Jiang Cheng as night and day - married to Lan Xichen with a child.
What if he was not only wrong about Jiang Cheng now , but he had always been wrong about him? What if he had only known Jiang Cheng on the surfaces that Jiang Cheng had allowed the world to see, but he had never had the privilege of knowing the inner part of Jiang Cheng – the one who had held his child so gently, with love shone brightly in his eyes and the one who had called upon Lan Qiren so softly with deep respect in his voice?
It took one month for Wei Wuxian to fully understand the schedule that both sect leaders adopted. They spent every two weeks alternately in Gusu and in Yunmeng. While they were in each other’s territory, they had left the affairs to their head disciple and second-in-command. When they travelled, they simply got on their swords, so light and fast that it suggested that they had everything they needed in both locations. The affairs were so well-oiled that Wei Wuxian knew it could only come from years accommodating each other’s needs and wants.
Lan Xichen had his home in Lotus Pier and Jiang Wanyin also had made a home here.
Wei Wuxian could also see Jiang Wanyin carving a significant part of himself and Yunmeng Jiang culture into this place. There were dashes of purple colours all over the usual blue and white Cloud Recesses. The first time Wei Wuxian saw the lilac banners hanging behind the usual white and blue tapestry in the reception hall, he was so surprised that he couldn’t help but feel the familiar ache of nostalgia of that colour. He could tell Lan Zhan, too, was stunned, because the usual stoic man stared at the lilac banners a bit too long.
Eventually, he realised Jiang Wanyin’s presence could be seen everywhere in Cloud Recesses.
There were now tall lavender and hyacinth flowers amongst blue gentians. There were purple ribbons on Zewu-Jun’s hair and purple tassels hanging on his waist. Lan Qiren took preference in wearing pale lilac or dark violet inner robes that strangely matched the pale blue outer robes that he was so fond of. Wei Wuxian had also come across small items strewn all over the space: brushes with purple handles, deep violet vases and porcelains, and purple and blue ombre screens and cushions. And whenever the Gusu Lan Sect disciples talked about Zewu-Jun, the name Sandu Shengshou was never far away from their mouths.
He wondered whether he would find traces of blue and white everywhere, too, if he went to Lotus Pier? Had Jiang Wanyin now planted the blue gentian along the lotus-filled lake? Had he put up blue banners in the reception hall too? Intermingling intimately and inseparably with the permeating purple banners and pink lotuses? Just like the men themselves?
For the last five years living on the road with Lan Zhan, Wei Wuxian was content with his life. He felt that he had everything he ever wanted: a spouse who loved him to utter distraction and the world for them to explore, free from responsibility and societal expectations. They never needed anyone.
But Wei Wuxian was wrong because Lan Zhan needed his family. He needed his home and his security. How could Wei Wuxian ever refuse that?
Here finally in Cloud Recesses, Lan Zhan had been spending more time with Zewu-Jun and Lan-Shifu, determined to make up the lost time, while Wei Wuxian had found himself spending more time by himself. Five-year of absence had made him a stranger in his husband’s home. Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi were now twenty-five years old and he had been gone longer in their lives than he had been in it that oftentimes, their conversations were cut short with awkward pauses. The haze of admiration was long gone in their eyes, only the ordinary respect for the elders remained. The other disciples only knew him as either the former Yiling Patriarch, exonerated from his crimes by his marriage to Hanguang-Jun, or the person who had eloped with Hanguang-Jun for five years.
Wei Wuxian tried not to begrudge Lan Zhan for deciding to come home. But he wished he was still on the road, and not tied to a sect that felt so foreign to him.
It wasn’t just the Cloud Recesses that felt foreign to him. Jiang Cheng felt foreign to him too, even more than when he was first resurrected and not knowing where he stood with Jiang Cheng. Now, Wei Wuxian couldn’t even find the first word to say the person who had stayed with him longer than anybody in this world. They had become strangers to each other.
Since that day they had returned to Cloud Recesses, Wei Wuxian didn’t get the chance to talk to Jiang Cheng. Zewu-Jun’s words still echoed loudly in his mind. He couldn’t accept that all that he thought he knew about Jiang Cheng was wrong, that it was him all along who didn’t see Jiang Cheng and not Jiang Cheng who didn’t see his family.
…if you had foolishly mistaken his grief for hatred, his relentlessness for competitiveness, his rage for vindictiveness and his insecurity for bitterness, then, you had never, ever known him at all… Zewu-Jun had said that day.
Wei Wuxian recalled their childhood and with Zewu-Jun’s words reverberating in his mind, he was seeing his memory in an entirely new light. Each of Jiang Cheng’s anger he remembered, now he could only see the hurt rather than hatred. Each of Jiang Cheng’s scowls every time Wei Wuxian beat him in any tests, training or competition, now he saw the relentless need to make his parents see him. And to make the matter worse, Wei Wuxian remembered the way he had dismissed Jiang Cheng at the rare times Jiang Cheng came to him, saying repetitively that no parents didn’t love their children.
It was weeks before Wei Wuxian finally admitted that he might don’t know Jiang Cheng at all. And his heart twisted painfully, finally realising how easily he had judged and cast away Jiang Cheng – the one who had amazingly loved Wei Wuxian despite the circumstances he was put in.
Five years.
It took five years. For the first time, Wei Wuxian wanted to go to Jiang Cheng. For the first time he wanted to stop running and hiding.
Heart resolved, he went to look for Jiang Cheng, only to come across Jiang Cheng holding A-Ju in his arms as Nie Huaisang making faces at the baby, A-Jun giggled – his pink cheeks puffed and his violet eyes twinkled.
Wei Wuxian stopped short at the first sight of Nie Huaisang in six years. The last time Wei Wuxian saw Nie Huaisang, he saw the glimpse of an incredibly clever mind in those feigning hazel eyes. The Headshaker was only a ruse to catch Lianfang-zun unaware and the long game played by Nie Huaisang paid off when Zewu-Jun stabbed his sword into Lianfang-zun’s body.
How did Zewu-Jun and Nie Huaisang get past such an event between them when Wei Wuxian couldn’t even talk to Jiang Cheng? The ache in his chest twisted further and more painful.He had missed out so much.
“Mingjue-er is so cute!” Nie Huaisang cooed as he tickled A-Ju’s ears and armpits, causing the baby to snort laughter. “Did you miss your xiao shushu? I know you did!” The small man laughed delightedly when A-Ju tried to wiggle out of his father’s arms to reach out for him. A-Ju might look like A-Cheng, but his tenacity reminded Nie Huaisang so much of his own brother. A-Ju did live up to his namesake.
Jiang Wanyin merely looked exasperated at Nie Huaisang’s antics. “Huaisang-ge, A-Ju couldn’t possibly play all the things you brought. You know that A-Ju is only going to tear apart the paper parchment and the ink set.”
Nie Huaisang clapped his hands to coax A-Ju into his arms and Jiang Wanyin let A-Ju go before he wailed. A-Ju immediately grabbed a handful of Nie Huaisang’s hair and buried his face into it. In return, Nie Huaisang nuzzled his nose into the baby’s soft hair and replied, “If that’s how A-Ju wants to play, why not?” He smiled gently.
“You spoiled him too much.” Jiang Wanyin groused with his hands on his hips. “If he threw his first tantrum, I’m blaming you!”
“Excuse me, but have you forgotten A-Ju’s one-month ceremony? Lan-Shifu forgot his 4000 rules and threw an extravagance party!” Nie Huaisang looked affronted. “
“And you also practically hauled that gold and silver gilded oak crib across the lake!” Jiang Wanyin reminded Nie Huaisang..
“The gold is Jin Lin’s idea!” Nie Huaisang sniffed. “Was I supposed to say no at such a good idea?”
Jiang Wanyin was about to pull his hair in frustration. “The point is not to compete! It’s for all of you to learn moderation!”
“A-Cheng… calm down. You’re going to have wrinkles on your pretty face if you keep getting irritated at every small thing,” Nie Huaisang patted Jiang Cheng’s head as if Jiang Cheng didn’t tower over him. Then, he bounced A-Ju in his hands as he whisked the baby away. “Come on, Mingjue-er, let your xiao shushu take you away from your temperamental baba. Do you want to go and see birds? Shushu knows a lot about birds!”
Jiang Wanyin merely shook his head as he watched his close friend baby-talk A-Ju as he walked away. While all these spoilings were making him annoyed, he was glad to see Nie Huaisang had come back to the one he knew before, without clueless masks and cold fury.
He was glad to see Nie Huaisang happy. Plus, A-Ju could never have too many people doting on him. Jiang Wanyin wanted A-Ju to be loved in the way Jiang Wanyin had never been before. He never wanted A-Ju to feel hungry for love that was never going to come.
Then, he stiffened when he felt someone approach him. He turned around and his eyes widened when he saw Wei Wuxian. For a while they just stared at each other.
“Um- I bought a blanket for A-Ju,” Wei Wuxian said.
“What are you doing here?” Jiang Wanyin said at the same time.
Both of them stared wordlessly at each other before Jiang Wanyin sighed quietly. “A blanket for A-Ju?” Wei Wuxian nodded his head.
A-Ju had too many blankets already – with doting grandfather like Lan-Shifu and indulging godfather like Nie Huaisang, Jiang Wanyin knew Lan Mingjue would never be lacking of anything ever. His son already had the backing of the powerful people from prominent sects. But still, he held out his hand tentatively for the piece of fabric. “Thank you,” Jiang Wanyin slowly folded the blanket and put it on the nearest table inside. Then he turned back towards the smaller man outside once again.
The silence that followed after was oppressing.
“H- how are you doing, Jiang Cheng?” Wei Wuxian said eventually. Sweat of nervousness began to bead at the back of his neck. He was beginning to think that this was a bad idea.
“I’m well.” Jiang Wanyin replied with an even voice.
Wei Wuxian searched for any sliver of emotion on Jiang Cheng’s face. Before, whenever they met, Wei Wuxian thought he could read the emotions so freely expressed on that honest face. He would know if Jiang Cheng was sad or angry or simply spiteful. But now, the five-year separation had changed Jiang Cheng to the point Wei Wuxian didn’t recognise him anymore. “So, you’re married to Zewu-Jun, huh?” He tried to grin, hoping his humour could dispel this uncomfortable air between them.
“Yes,” Jiang Wanyin said slowly, uncertain where Wei Wuxian was steering this conversation.
“Did it take long for Lan Qiren to agree?” He chuckled. Wei Wuxian remembered all of Lan Qiren’s disapproval faces directed to him before they left Cloud Recesses. The old man really hated cut-sleeves. It was hilarious sometimes. The deeper the disapproval was, the more Wei Wuxian wanted to flaunt himself to Lan Qiren. He wondered how Lan Qiren had reacted when he first knew both of his nephews were cut-sleeves.
“What do you mean?”
“When he first knew about Lan Zhan and I, Lan Qiren wasn’t thrilled. He kept throwing me looks of disapproval and disappointment as if I was the one who corrupted Lan Zhan. If only he knew Lan Zhan was the one who chased me down!” Wei Wuxian chortled.
Jiang Wanyin smiled in reminiscence. “He was the one who insisted Xichen-ge to go official courtship with me first before we were allowed to get married. He also the one demanding the Gusu Lan elders to accept our marriage. ”
Wei Wuxian’s eyes bulged out. “Truly? Doesn’t Lan Qiren hate cut-sleeves?!”
“Regardless of what you think about Lan-shifu,” Jiang Wanyin said with a slight frown. “He was never a bigot. You did have a reputation when we studied in Cloud Recesses during our youth. And then, you went down the route of demonic cultivation. You know how Lan-shifu feels about that.”
“I didn’t choose that route,” Wei Wuxian said sharply, all traces of his attempted humour was gone. “I didn’t have any choice.”
Jiang Wanyin’s jaw rippled. “I didn’t ask to be lied to, either. I didn’t ask for such violation to happen to me by the person I had trusted at my most vulnerable time.” He said quietly; Lan Xichen’s influence was tempering his rage and sharp tongue. “For a long time I felt so worthless, so bitter and enraged to be deceived so unsuspectingly. I had believed you, Wei Wuxian, that if you said that the stars are falling down, I would have run for cover.”
Wei Wuxian staggered a step back. This was the closest they had ever talked about the biggest elephant in the room and he began to feel the old age panic. The urge to run away intensified. Of all the things he had wanted to talk about with Jiang Cheng, the issue of the golden core was never one of them.
“You were my shixiong. The most talented of all. The one who saw the path even when the fog surrounded us. The one whom I had shared half of my life with. Why would I ever doubt your story?”
“Jiang Cheng…” Tears clogged in Wei Wuxian’s throat.
“But-“ Jiang Wanyin continued tiredly. “I have made my peace about it. It gave me A-Ju; the miracle I didn’t know I wanted, and there is nothing we could do to turn back the time.”
Wei Wuxian said pleadingly. “Jiang Cheng, whatever I did in the past, I did it because I think that is the best thing for you and the best route we could take at the situation we were in.”
Jiang Wanyin felt drained. It had been five years and he marvelled at how much Wei Wuxian could still hurt him. The knowledge that Wei Wuxian had never thought of waiting for him to process the trauma he went through and then talk to him upfront about the core showed how little Wei Wuxian regarded him. He had rather lied to Jiang Wanyin so blatantly, conspiring with the Wens and allowing the lie to stay with him for almost twenty years.
Whatever bond that they had when they were young was destroyed by this deception. And now, Wei Wuxian showed no remorse for lying, thinking that he was still in the right. Jiang Wanyin knew the time of reconciliation was over.
Jiang Wanyin was too burned to ever reach out for Wei Wuxian anymore.
“Whatever your reason is, it doesn’t erase the fact I was lied to. I was given something that I didn’t consent to,” Jiang Wanyin looked at Wei Wuxian. “Do you know the feeling of hating something so viscerally within you? I can’t take it out, I can’t run away from it and every pump of my blood feeds into this hateful thing inside of me.”
Wei Wuxian flinched so violently at the knowledge his core was hated by Jiang Wanyin. The one thing that he thought could repay all his debts to the Jiang family, was the only one thing Jiang Wanyin didn’t want.
“When I found out that I was pregnant because of the core, I was afraid at first. Afraid that my hatred to this core would somehow be translated to the A-Ju. There were times when I thought I couldn’t get through this pregnancy, fearing my baby would turn out like me. But Xichen-ge persisted. He loved me despite me being unable to love myself, teaching the ways out of this miserable state I was perpetually in.” Jiang Wanyin’s violet eyes glistened at the remembrance of Lan Xichen boundless patience and love. “And when A-Ju was finally put in my arms after hours of pain and suffering, I realised that I couldn’t live with this hate anymore. My husband and my son deserve my love more than my hate for the past that was filled with ghosts and demons.”
For the first time, Wei Wuxian finally saw the magnitude of his actions. The good intention that he thought he had was vastly outweighed by the pain he had put upon Jiang Wanyin. How could he ever think he had paid Jiang Wanyin his debts? He had betrayed Jiang Wanyin’s love and he had broken Jiang Wanyin’s trust. Nothing he said would ever undo his deeds.
“Jiang Cheng… what can I do to-“ To what? Wei Wuxian asked himself. To regain the trust? He had run away for five years.
“Nothing,” Jiang Wanyin said softly. “I’ve moved on from our brotherhood.”
“But-“ Strangers? Jiang Wanyin wanted them to be strangers ? Wei Wuxian’s heart ached and bled at the realisation he had lost his chance due to his own cowardice.
“Maybe it’s time for you to move on too.” Jiang Wanyin curved up a small sad smile before turning around and walked into Hanshi quietly.
-----
Three days after his confrontation with Jiang Wanyin, Wei Wuxian had been walking around the Cloud Recesses aimlessly. There was a deep hollow in his heart and it made him wonder. For five years they were in exile, Wei Wuxian rarely thought of Jiang Cheng, so why did Jiang Cheng’s words make his heart feel so empty? Was it because for five years, Wei Wuxian had subconsciously thought he could easily come back to Jiang Cheng; that he had all the time in the world; and that Jiang Cheng would always run after him if he was given half the chance?
If that was so, then how arrogant he had been, taking Jiang Cheng’s presence for granted. His self-grandeur was so big that he thought Jiang Cheng would wait for him forever. Now that he had lost Jiang Cheng, the invisible anchor that he didn’t know was grounding him was gone and Wei Wuxian was left weightless and restless.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
The sound of Lan Xichen’s deep voice got Wei Wuxian to stop in his musing and in his tracks. He looked up and he saw that Lan Xichen wasn’t talking to him, rather he was talking to someone else. Half-hidden behind a tree, Wei Wuxian’s presence remained unnoticed.
Under the falling leaves of cherry blossom, Jiang Wanyin sat on the blanket cross-legged with A-Ju laid asleep soundly in his father’s lap. In front of them was a spread of half-eaten food and books scattered around Jiang Wanyin.
At the sound of his husband’s voice, Jiang Wanyin raised his head up from the book that he was reading and the usual stern lines on his mouth softened into a sweet smile. His face was radiant and flushed pink from the cool Gusu sun. “Huan-ge..”
During the five-week duration, Wei Wuxian had seen Jiang Cheng interact with Zewu-Jun and Lan-shifu. Jiang Cheng wore expressions that he had never seen when he was growing up Jiang Cheng. And now, he saw Jiang Cheng smiling up at his husband, he still couldn’t get over that expression on Jiang Cheng’s face. He had never known Jiang Cheng could look that happy and so in love .
He had always thought Jiang Cheng had no love in his heart.
How wrong he had been!
Lan Xichen knelt beside him to press a lingering kiss on his forehead. “I missed you in Hanshi.” Lan Xichen murmured.
Jiang Wanyin chuckled. “A-Ju was restless. And I don’t want to bother fuqin. He’s been taking care of A-Ju too much recently with me being busy at Lotus Pier for the past week handling the problem with the disciples.”
“You do know shufu is ecstatic each time you come to him for assistance, right?”
“But it doesn’t mean I should take advantage of his kindness.” Jiang Wanyin protested.
“Wanyin, sometimes I think shufu loves you more than his nephews.” Lan Xichen teased. “I still remember the first time you called him fuqin. I swear I saw tears in his eyes.”
Jiang Wanyin looked down, abashed but the small smile on his face told Wei Wuxian just how much old man Lan meant to him.
Wei Wuxian couldn’t relate though; Lan Qiren hated him ever since he was a student here and until now, his presence was merely tolerated because he was married to Lan Wangji. He didn’t understand how Jiang Cheng could call Lan Qiren ‘fuqin’ and easily replace his own father.
Wasn’t that unfilial ?
See, Wei Wuxian had always cared for Jiang Fengmian. He was his benefactor and had sheltered him when he was left abandoned in the street. He had also cheered for Wei Wuxian’s smallest achievements and he had always made him feel like he belonged to the Jiang family. Wei Wuxian owed him an immeasurable debt, which was what spurred him to give his core to Jiang Cheng in the first place. Wei Wuxian couldn’t understand why Jiang Cheng didn’t feel the same towards his own father?
This wasn’t the first time he wondered how Jiang Cheng turned out so different from his gentle and kind father. A small smirk appeared on his face; perhaps that was why he could get along so well with Lan Qiren, considering he was too similar to him – stern, anal-retentive and so hard to please.
“Have you eaten, Huan-ge?” Jiang Wanyin asked, pulling Wei Wuxian from his musing. “I thought you would be too busy with your sect affairs, so I took an early lunch with A-Ju. If I knew you had time to have lunch with us, we would've waited for you.”
“It’s okay, my heart, I’ll have some later.” Lan Xichen lay down across the blanket to put his head in Wanyin’s lap, beside sleeping A-Ju. “Put A-Ju down, my heart,” he coaxed. “Come and tend your needy husband.”
Jiang Wanyin scoffed and rolled his eyes, but still, he obeyed. He gently put A-Ju in his bassinet, tucking extra blankets over so A-Ju didn’t get a cold draft. Then, he re-arranged himself so Lan Xichen could rest more comfortably in his lap.
Lan Xichen looked up. He raised his hand to caress Jiang Wanyin’s cheeks and lips. “You look tired. Is the situation at Lotus Pier that serious?”
“I’m okay,” Jiang Wanyin insisted. “This is nothing compared to when I was just starting to rebuild the Lotus Pier. Back then, I persisted even though half the time I felt like I was drowning, especially when with my sect’s ruined reputation and weak foundation from having a leader too young and a head disciple too unruly.”
Wei Wuxian blinked – Jiang Cheng felt like that? Drowning? Why hadn’t he seen it back then? Then, he paused before ruefully admitting that he wouldn’t be able to see anything beyond what was under his nose, not when he was so corrupted by the demonic cultivation that he insisted on practicing. Back then, Wei Wuxian only felt perpetually rage simmering under his skin, waiting to explode at the slightest provocation.
Jiang Cheng sighed. “Not to mention that horrible period after A-Jie died; I swore the reason I kept dragging on was just to spite those sects who looked down on Lotus Pier.”
“And to see Jin Ling grow up too, right?” Lan Xichen teased. “Because I would shudder to think that my husband is made up entirely out of spite and rage.”
“I was made up of spite,” Jiang Wanyin smiled widely. “And barbs and ten-feet wall and a moat. Literal moat .”
Lan Xichen laughed.
Jiang Wanyin’s eyes softened as he looked down at his husband. Wonder in his voice as he whispered low, “But you had loved me anyway.”
“I still do, my heart. I don’t think I can ever stop.” Lan Xichen replied gently. He, then, grinned when he saw the faint flushes painted on Jiang Cheng’s cheeks.
“Sap.” Jiang Cheng grumbled.
Oh- Wei Wuxian realised with a start. It wasn’t love that unearthed this unknown side of Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian had had Jiang Cheng’s love before. What he didn’t have now was Jiang Cheng’s trust . Not the shallow one, but the one that was deep, abiding and reciprocated.
The one that Wei Wuxian had lost a long, long time ago.
This unknown gentleness was the result of Jiang Cheng’s steadfast trust in Lan Xichen that could only come from years of facing the odds and obstacles together . Lan Xichen surely had stood by Jiang Cheng - a feat that Wei Wuxian couldn’t do. Lan Xichen had chosen Jiang Wanyin, had loved him, had supported him, had included him… and most of all, Lan Xichen had trusted Jiang Cheng.
Wei Wuxian didn’t trust Jiang Cheng enough – that was why he did the unforgivable behind Jiang Cheng’s back.
The ease of the conversation between Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng showed that nothing was hidden between them; there were no lies and no secrets lingered – unlike the relationship Wei Wuxian had with Jiang Cheng. Despite him claiming that he knew Jiang Cheng the best because he grew up with him, Wei Wuxian couldn’t imagine having this kind of conversation with Jiang Cheng.
Then, Wei Wuxian recalled that day Jiang Cheng had left to seek his revenge on the Wen. If Jiang Cheng had told him of his foolish plan, Wei Wuxian would have stopped him and he wouldn’t have needed to give his core to Jiang Cheng. Making rash, reckless decisions was Wei Wuxian’s forte; he still didn’t understand what spurred Jiang Cheng to go back to Lotus Pier that night. But Jiang Cheng did. And he lost his core. And Wei Wuxian had to be the one saving him by giving up his core. So, what was a bit of a little white lie compared to the fact that Wei Wuxian had saved his life and gave him the needed tool to restore his sect?
Wei Wuxian’s internal monologue halted when he heard Jiang Cheng’s laughter. He looked up and saw Jiang Cheng bend his head low to press a fond kiss on Lan Xichen’s forehead. Lan Xichen took the advantage to redirect the kiss to his own lips as he strained his neck upwards. But there was nothing lewd in that kiss; it was simply an act between a pair of cultivation partners who shared unfathomable depth of affection to each other.
The scenery in front of him was so intimate that Wei Wuxian almost felt like an intruder.
“It’s hard for me to recall how it had felt before all this. Now that I have you and fuqin, I don’t know how I got by all by myself all those years ago. Both of you give me a family I’d never known. I know I can always turn to both of you if I ever need anything.” Jiang Wanyin ran his fingers reverently along the white ribbon that had spilled forwards over his own shoulder.
“After years being adrift, I’d never thought I would ever have this kind of security.”
“You’re mine, Wanyin, and I keep what is mine very close to me.”
“A bit too close, sometimes,” Jiang Wanyin arched his eyebrows.
“But often not close enough,” Lan Xichen growled as he flipped Jiang Wanyin onto his back and loomed over him. Whatever protest Jiang Wanyin wanted to say was muffled by Lan Xichen as the taller man resumed their kiss while A-Ju lay sleeping obliviously in his bassinet. This time the sweetness was gone; the kiss was filled with such hunger and desire that it left Wei Wuxian hot and bothered.
He had never known how pretty and how precious Jiang Cheng looked, being caged between Lan Xichen’s strong arms.
Protected. Cherished. Treasured.
Underneath the rage and bitterness, Wei Wuxian had never known Jiang Cheng would be like this. If he hadn’t lied to Jiang Cheng, would he be where Lan Xichen was? Wei Wuxian blinked unshed tears away from his eyes. His chances had gone and he had no one to blame but himself. So, he slowly slinked away, heart aching.
Whatever the reason Jiang Cheng had to go back to Lotus Pier that day, Jiang Cheng was right. It doesn’t matter anymore because no matter who was right or wrong, the circumstances had brought them to this stage of their lives. They had fallen out. The bridge was burned beyond repair. He had made sure of that when he turned away from Jiang Cheng that night at Guanyin Temple.
He had thought he had everything he wanted; Lan Zhan and the wide expanse of the world for them to travel together. He thought all he needed to do was to leave the past to the past and unshackled himself from it. Only now he understood why Lan Zhan wanted to come to Cloud Recesses.
A bird was only the freest if it had a nest to come back to.
No matter how far Wei Wuxian ran away, or how fast he moved, or with whom he travelled, in the deepest part of his heart, he would always yearn for a family, a home and the security that came with it.
Lan Zhan came back looking for his family. He came back for the root that grounded him; the safety net to catch him whenever he was too exhausted.
Deep down, Wei Wuxian wanted that too.
He wanted his childhood home – the security that was Jiang Cheng; who, unlike Lan Zhan, had no qualm to call out his bullshit, his arrogance and his reckless plans. They might harbour lies and secrets from each other but Jiang Cheng – Wei Wuxian pushed down the throbbing ache in his heart – was his childhood home and his first taste of security.
All their lives, Jiang Cheng had never left him alone or let him go.
Not until he had made Jin Ling an orphan in the matter of days.
Not until he had forced him to accept a core that he hadn’t consented.
Not until he had said to leave everything in the past after Jiang Cheng had poured his heart out to him.
Looking back, Wei Wuxian morosely wondered if Jiang Cheng would ever want him in his life ever again? Just like before?
However, he knew that if he were in Jiang Cheng’s shoes… he didn’t think he could. Not when Jiang Cheng already had everything he wanted – a devoted spouse, a loving father-in-law, a miraculous son and a salvaged friendship with Nie Huaisang.
Jiang Cheng had a home. And Wei Wuxian didn’t.
He knew the past was already deeply buried in the past and there was nothing Wei Wuxian could do to change it anymore. He had buried their brotherhood when he walked away that night at Guanyin Temple.
Perhaps all chances of reconciliation were already gone.
THE END