Chapter Text
Gavin sits on the edge of his bed. He’s out of weed, cigarettes aren't helping right now, he’s ran out of pills, and he feels so, so sick.
Gavin hasn't taken any medication for a while. He got his last scheduled refill for his Saphris prescription but didn’t take it, upsetting Fowler. He couldn’t find it in him to care, he just wanted to lay down and sleep again. It was just over a week ago, and his emotions were already declining, and he doesn’t know if it’s related to his disorder or if it’s just that time of the year weighing down again. He wished he could’ve been there for Grace.
I swear if I had a clue how bad it was getting you would still be here. I could’ve changed her mind.
As he walks to the kitchen, he peeks into Isabella’s room. She wasn’t home, she was having a sleepover with the neighbor's daughter. No matter what time of the year, or what feelings he was having about Grace, he’d always love Isabella.
None of this was her fault, Gavin. You gotta remember this.
He gets cereal, sits on the couch, and turns on the TV. He’s going thru the motions.
“Repetition will help you”
Madison’s words echo in his head. The last time he saw her was 7 years ago when he made the choice to care for Isabella. He put Madison thru so much, and all she did was love him. It was a screaming match, you “ never knew when to quit ”, you’re “ in over your head ” and then they made the decision that he could do this on his own and she could live her life the way she wanted to. It wasn't a secret Madison didn't want kids, she never had and until Isabella came along, he was also on the fence about it. He felt like he shouldn’t think about her anymore, but in that short time she had stayed, she made a huge impact on his life.
And before he knew it, he was living with his best friend and they were in a relationship. She had no problem loving Isabella.
Mia was perfect. He knew when to quit. He was absolutely terrified and he loved her. He never thought the one he’d love like this was always so close. He relied on her a little too much, he was working on it. He just wanted a normal life, self-sustained and stable. He’s a mess. He wants Mia’s work trip to end early and he wants to cry into her arms.
Gavin’s been doing this up-and-down all his life.
He feels as fragile as a dragonfly. Was this how Gracie felt?
Healing isn’t linear.