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Snowflake.
No. No, I should call you by name. I don't exactly have the right to call you anything other than that, do I?
Don't really have the right to reach out to you like this either, but...
Jack, I'm sorry.
I know that's... Not what you want to hear. And I'm hoping that you don't just throw this away before reading it, but I can't... I won't blame you if you do.
I don't know why I'm like this Sno- Jack. Some days I can forgive everything and everyone. I'm happy. And some days...
You remember '68 right? Bloody hell, I'd be surprised if you didn't. Your powers, sure... But that was my fault. If I hadn't been so short tempered, if I hadn't shut you out when you tried to help, if I hadn't...
I knew how much you loved those maps of yours. The pride you felt when you planned and organized, how long you'd go without sleep to make sure they were perfect on the day, on my day...
I guess stubbornness is a trait we both share.
I knew how important they were to you, but when I messed it up, I could only think "I'll fix it later". You never had that thought.
I remember watching you struggle to repaint dozens of eggs after one of your accidents... You didn't moan, or whine... It was your mistake, and you manned up to fix it. Part of me wonders if that was because you knew I'd explode at you, even for a simple accident, but... No, that's just you Jack.
I woke up late that morning, and... I'm ashamed to say I forgot about ruining your hard work, like my day was so much more important. It was only afterwards, when I found one of your maps half buried in snow that I remembered and...
Oh Jackie...
I tore out my claws when I got back to the Warren. How couldn't I? I get mad, I say shit I don't mean, I'm petty and pathetic, but I've never... I had never struck out in anger like that.
I saw the scars. The hood and your pale skin may hide them from folk who don't know you, but I knew what to look for. You were... Perfect and pure and unsullied until you met me, and what do I do?
I broke you. Tore you. For a mistake that wasn't your own.
I don't blame you for running for all those years. Hell, if you came back with one of your icicles aimed at my throat, I would have willingly bared it for you.
The next time we met... I'd never have found you without Manny to show me the way you know. I think he knew what I did to you.
You ran again, and... I deserved that. It hurt, knowing you were so afraid of me, but I hurt you even more, right?
I'm kind of ashamed to say I fell in live with you all over again when your fear turned to rage. You're so carefree and full of laughter that I forget just how bloody powerful you are. You were the eye of a perfect storm of ice and wind, and I wilted before it, and you.
The yetis intervened when you pinned me, but... You're not me. You're not the kind to harm out of something as mere petty as rage.
I wish you were.
I wish you took that deceptively heavy staff and broke me. It was your right to, and I wouldn't have stopped you.
Then that whole ugliness on Easter would have been avoided.
I don't have any excuse. Pitch got to me. I was scared, unseen, and you... You were such an inviting, valid target.
I should have known better. You don't have a vindictive bone in your body Jack. You would have made my life hell, sure. But to harm the kids, however indirectly? That's not you.
North was the only one to see me lash out again, and things have become more... Strained between us. One more mistake on my shoulders. But there was no time to act on it, otherwise believe me, that old bandit would surely have regressed back to his old ways for a while.
We were dying. Pitch was winning. And then, like a miracle, you found that last light and made it shine brighter than ever.
You made him believe, in me of all people. I still don't know why. I don't deserve to be remembered. I'm just the living echo of a people long gone... Maybe that's why you kept me around. Continued existence as the last of my kind, alone for the rest of earth's lifespan. An eternity knowing I was alone and I drove away the only ray of light that gave me hope for the future...
Cruel Jackie. But fair.
I haven't seen you since you were swore in as Guardian, though I know you check in with the others frequently. That's why I left this letter with North, after he stopped glaring at me.
I miss you snowflake. I love you. And... I know, I don't deserve to ask... I just want us to meet up. Just to talk. I'm not expecting you to agree, or, hells help me, to actually still feel anything for me any more, but... Well, Hope is kind of my thing.
At least, I was hoping we could at least try to start things over. To be civil with each other. I'm not expecting you to be my friend. I know I have a long, long way to go before I could ever try to claim that title.
Please, think on it.
Edelweiss Aster Bunnymund