Work Text:
"Right." Kay finished the slipknot, then threaded the end of the rope through the headboard and placed it in Sebastian's hand. She could feel his fingers trembling slightly as she closed them around the end of the rope. "If you pull on this, the knot will open. Do you want to test it? I don't mind redoing the knot."
Sebastian hesitated, just for a moment, but then shook his head. "I — I trust you," he said, his voice hitching only a little despite the tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. "And you know your knots."
"That I do." She leaned in to catch a quick kiss from his lips, then at the corner of his eye. With anyone else, she might have been worried about the tears, but she knew by now that Sebastian processed more or less all emotions by crying. Of course, if this had been anyone else, she would not have been straddling them in her underwear, so it was kind of a moot point anyway. "Now, you remember the rules, right?"
"Right." Sebastian nodded a little. "Tell you if I want to stop or take a break, for any reason."
"That's right." She ran her fingertips along the side of his face, brushing at the tear-stained skin. "I'm definitely not going to be upset or disappointed or anything else. This is all about you. If you're not comfortable with continuing, or just need a moment, I want to know. And you can always just pull on the rope yourself, too." No need to complicate things with safewords or such things. The last thing Sebastian needed if he was feeling upset was trying to remember a particular word.
Sebastian nodded again. "R-right." He sniffled a little. "Kay…"
"Yes?" She stole another quick kiss, running her hands down his chest. It was a nice chest, for all that he wasn't perhaps the most well-built man she had ever met. His skin was warm under her hands and he gasped a little as she brushed against his nipples, and really, that was all she could ask for.
"I love you." His voice was so sincere, so full of trust and love and a fair number of other things Kay couldn't quite name, that for a moment Kay was the one blinking back tears.
"Love you, too." She smiled down at him. "Let's get started, shall we? Assuming you're fine."
"I'm all right." Which sounded true enough, so she wasn't going to push. That was trust, too, taking him at his word.
Kay moved away from Sebastian and knelt on the bed next to him, taking her time to appreciate the lovely sight stretched out before him. She'd kept things simple, just his arms stretched out towards the bed posts, with enough slack on the ropes that he wouldn't get strained. The position did give her a nice view, though, his body stretched out in front of her, entirely naked. Sebastian flushed under her gaze, and oh, that was adorable, how could he still be this adorable when they had been dating for nearly a year?
"I'm going to touch you," she informed him, trying to give her voice just the right amount of firmness to reassure him without scaring him. He was still jumpy enough just about regular sex, never mind bringing his past traumas into it.
Sebastian nodded, and she could see him swallowing, tears lingering in his eyes. She'd better start slow, then, settling herself between his legs and running her hands up and down them, ankles to knees to thighs and back down again. Kay steered clear of his feet, knowing they could be uncomfortably sensitive at times. Up and down, slow and steady, just letting him get used to her touch and making sure he could feel her being close.
As Sebastian relaxed under her hands, if only a little, Kay crawled up on the bed to caress his chest next. She bypassed his cock for now, not wanting to move too fast and startle him. He gave another surprised gasp as she brushed her fingers over a nipple, then actually moaned as she leaned down to close her mouth over the other and give it a little suck.
"You are so pretty like this," she murmured soothingly, running her hands along his sides, now. "So open and responsive. You are being so good for me, love." She kissed away a tear from his face, smiling down at him. "How are you doing?"
"I'm — I'm fine." Sebastian sniffled, his lips curving into a small, teary smile. "That… feels good."
"It's supposed to." Reassured by this, she moved up to his shoulders next, trying not to let her nerves show. If things failed, this was the most likely point. Sebastian could be conscious of his hands even on the best of days, never mind when he was like this, so open and vulnerable.
Kay massaged Sebastian's shoulders a little, running her hands along the side of his neck, sinking her fingers into the honey-shaded curls and massaging his scalp. Sebastian's eyes fell shut for a moment as he leaned into the touch, which Kay took as a good sign.
She lingered there for a moment, straddling his chest as she touched and kissed his neck, his hair, his face. It wasn't until he felt entirely relaxed under her that she moved her hands lower again, brushing her fingertips against his collarbones before bending over one arm. She kept her movements slow, predictable, starting from his shoulder and caressing up his arm.
Sebastian's reaction was immediately obvious. The tension was right back, his shoulders growing rigid, his arm stiff under her fingers. Kay paused, her fingers just short of the crook of his elbow, and looked over to his face. "You all right?"
"I — I think I need a moment." Sebastian's eyes were closed again, this time in tears. Kay immediately sat up straighter, cupping his face in her hands.
"Shh, Sebastian, it's all right." She pressed little kisses to his forehead, combing his hair with her fingers. "Really, it is. If you need time, then I'll give you time. And if you'd rather we just move to the fun stuff, that's fine too."
"N-no." Sebastian's voice hitched a little. "I can do this. I just — need a moment."
"Right." Kay ran her hands through his hair for another moment, then straightened up and reached behind herself for the clasps of her bra. "Maybe I should give you a little distraction?"
Sebastian still trembled a little under her touch, but at least he was watching her as she unhooked her bra and slid the straps down her arms before tossing the whole contraption to the side. For some reason Sebastian seemed to find that incredibly interesting, no matter how often he saw it. Kay rather preferred simple sports bras for her daily life, given how much jumping and running around she did on a regular basis, but she had acquired a couple of prettier things just for him to see her take them off.
Kay cupped her breasts, smiling a little as she saw him watching her, almost hypnotized. "You like this, don't you?" she all but purred, letting a nipple peek between her fingers as she bent forward. "You like seeing me touch myself like this. And of course you like touching, too."
Sebastian swallowed and nodded. "I like this better," he murmured. "Your hands are prettier."
"Oh, hush." Kay reached down to touch a finger to his lips, fully aware that this left one of her breasts entirely bare to his gaze. "I like your hands on me. They are warm and gentle and always make me feel good. There's nothing about them that I don't like."
Sebastian looked like he was going to protest, but then he fell silent. Smart man. She could argue about this for the whole night if need be, but that was hardly the goal here.
"So?" Kay settled both her hands on his chest as she leaned forward to look at him, fully aware of the way this pushed her breasts together right in his line of sight. "Are you ready to go on yet?"
"I… right." Sebastian took a deep breath. "I'm okay."
"Tell me if you change your mind." With that, she started working her way along his arm, short, brief caresses and light kisses traveling all the way up to his wrist, pausing just before she reached the rope wrapped there. Sebastian was shivering, she noticed, trembles running up and down his arms. "Sebastian?"
There was no response for a moment. As she moved her hand, her fingertips brushing at the border where the rope met his skin, Sebastian jolted. The small tears that had been trickling from his eyes formed into full-blown sobs, his fingers convulsing around the rope ends in his hands.
Kay didn't need to hear words to know that this was not the good kind of crying. She quickly pulled the knots open, running her hands soothingly along Sebastian's shoulders as he immediately drew his hands close to his chest, clutching them together as though to hide them. Kay pressed little kisses in his hair, murmuring soothing against his skin.
"S-sorry," Sebastian sobbed a few moments later, still visibly trembling. "I — I didn't mean to —"
"It's all right," she soothed him, wiping at his tears with her thumb. "I told you, didn't I? This is about you. We'll do no more than you are happy with." She stole a soft kiss from his lips, like the thief she was. "You were very brave, love."
"I don't feel brave."
"Of course you are." Kay lay down on the bed next to him so she could reach an arm around him, tangling one leg with his. "You didn't have to agree to this, but you did, even though you knew you would be scared. That's what bravery is all about."
"But… I ruined everything." Sebastian sniffled. "You agreed to do this for me, and then I ruined it…"
"You didn't ruin anything." Kay kissed his temple. "We're just taking a break so you can gather yourself. This isn't the first time we've done this, and probably not the last. Once you feel calmer I can give you something more pleasant to think about, or we can just jump straight to aftercare and cuddling." Perhaps she didn't have much experience with these things, or at all, really, but she had damn well done her research.
"You… you don't want to continue this?" She wasn't even sure if Sebastian sounded more disappointed or relieved.
"Not tonight, at least. Or at all, unless you want it." This was about Sebastian and helping him work through his fears, after all. "You've already pushed yourself past your limits, and that's amazingly brave. There's no reason to overwhelm yourself even further."
"And… that's okay?"
"Absolutely." Kay carefully settled her hand on his arm, not quite close enough to touch his hands. "It's not a bad thing to do things little by little. Or not at all, if need be. Your life isn't going to be ruined because you happen to have traumas about getting tied up."
"N-no." Sebastian's firm tone surprised her, though the effect was somewhat spoiled by his sniffles. "I — I want to work through this. He, he already ruined so many things for me… if I can at least fix this one thing, I want to do it."
"Then, we'll work on this more later. Not tonight, though." Kay tucked her head into the crook of his neck, humming quietly as she caressed his arm. Little by little Sebastian's sobs subsided, his trembling body calming until the only movement was that of his breaths.
"Kay?" Sebastian's voice was barely a whisper in the quiet bedroom.
"Yes?" Kay paused in her caresses, though she didn't take her hand away. Sebastian liked feeling her near when he was feeling overwhelmed.
"M-may I…" Sebastian paused, licking his lips, then tried again, "May I make love to you?"
Kay let out a slightly breathless chuckle. "Oh, it would be my absolute pleasure."
It was her turn to be touched, now, Sebastian moving slowly as always. Sometimes she wondered if he was trying to commit her body to memory every time, the way he seemed to study every inch of her skin with his hands and lips. Not that she was complaining, of course. She was very happy to be the focus of his attention, and Sebastian was the type to study hard whenever he decided something was important. Not that she was going to give him a quiz or anything, but considering she was all but panting by the time he rolled on a condom and settled between her legs he would have passed with flying colors, anyway.
Making love was really the only way Kay could describe this, with the slow, almost gentle way Sebastian moved inside her, his hands teasing her breasts like he so loved to do. She preferred to move faster when she was the one setting the pace, riding him hard until they were both sobbing with pleasure, but this was good, too. This was just so… Sebastian, all of it, the way he still seemed almost hesitant to be touching her no matter how many times they had shared a bed before.
Sebastian cried as he came, hiding his face against her throat, and Kay felt his tears mixing with the sweat on her skin as she panted in the aftermath of her own orgasm. That was fine, though, these were the good kind of tears, and while his hands might have trembled on her skin he was smiling through his tears as he finally lifted his face to look at her.
They had a slow, leisurely shower together, followed by curling up on the couch with ice cream and cartoons. Sebastian's head was in her lap, an arm curled possessively around her leg, and for all that Kay might have felt trapped by such a position all she did was card her hand through his hair. This, all of this, was all right.
She wasn't trapped if it was by choice.