Chapter Text
Something was wrong. Well, everything was wrong. That didn't really change the fact that anything could be done about it. Life was supposed to be great. Just forget about anything else.
"Tony, are you gonna eat that?" Natasha peered over her mug of tea, eyes round.
Truthfully, I was. But the thought of taking something else away from the team made me sick to my stomach, and I pushed the plate away, shaking my head. "All yours, Nat."
My stomach lurched again, painfully this time, and I stumbled up, walking as smoothly as I could to the elevator, punching the button to go to the workshop. Once inside, I fell to the ground immediately, breathing hard, heart pounding in my ears. I could feel the shield pounding into my chest, almost as if it was yesterday and not a year ago. "Boss, you're in the tower, you're safe, and I've frozen the elevator until you calm down." Friday's Irish lilt pierced the fog around my head.
Everything is okay. Everything is fine. I'm fine. I'm okay.
I reached up, raking my hands through my hair. " Thanks Fri, head down to the lab now?" Silently, the elevator resumed working. I sighed in relief. If anything would make me feel better, it was definitely going to be my machines, the one true family I had.
They don't know that I fucked everything up. They don't know that I ruined everything we had as a team. They don't know that I'm going crazy in my mind, slowly but surely, and then one day, I'll be gone.
With that thought, I reached out and punched the wall. Not yet. I stepped into the lab, waving casually at the bots, and then stalking over to my chair, pulling up schematics for a new suit for Bucky and Steve. They'd both needed new ones for a while, and I didn't want them getting hurt. Not that they asked, and not that what I thought mattered.
After a couple of hours, eyes drooping from exhaustion, I shuffled to the elevator, up to my own floor to head to bed. I figured if I didn't, I’d get an earful from someone, and I just didn't want to disappoint yet another person. I don’t think I could stand to see the disappoint in their eyes yet again.
Heading to the floor-to-ceiling mirror in my closet, I looked myself up and down. I hated the way I looked now. So tired and needy. The scars all over, some inflicted from fights, some from good old Pops, and more than a few from myself. There weren’t many “accidents”.
“Three weeks. Three weeks, Tony, is all you get to pull your shit together. Then it’s over.” I spoke the words out loud to myself, feeling foolish.
“What do you mean, three weeks?”
I jumped at the noise of Bucky, right behind me, and then faked a laugh. “It’s a calming technique.” I lied easily.
“Bullshit, Tony.” Bucky looked unamused and angry. “Tell me the truth.”
I flinched away from him, holding my hands up. “Nothing, Bucky, I’m fine.” I backed out of the closet, laying myself on his bed, Bucky in pursuit.
“Really?” Bucky glared. “Tony, that’s not a relaxation technique, and you’re anything but calm right now.” He raised his hand, and I involuntary flinched again, causing Bucky’s face to soften.
“Tony, please don’t be afraid of me.” Bucky dropped his voice to a whisper. “I’m here if you need anything.”
“Sure thing, soldier.” I made my voice light and airy, struggling to plaster a smile on my face. I knew if I played normal, he’d probably get bored and leave.
Bucky reached out with his flesh hand to pat me on my leg. “Let’s make this easy. The next time I see you, I’m expecting a list of what I can do to help Tony Stark.”
With a sigh and a small smile, the soldier stood up, and with the grace of something other-worldly, exited the room, leaving my heart racing.