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Richie Tozier wasn't expecting to see Eddie Kaspbrak in his dreams tonight. In fact, he doesn't even remember who Eddie is anymore. He doesn't remember how he was once the love of his life. He doesn't remember how he was gruesomely taken away from him. He doesn't remember how he was forced to leave his body behind in the sewers some years ago.
Today had just been another normal day for Richie; he just got home after another long day of work and he was exhausted, so he was expecting it to just be another normal night's sleep.
He sighs as he gets into bed, happy to finally be able to rest, rolls over and closes his eyes as sleep washes over him.
* * *
Richie finds himself in, what feels like to him, a familiar place, surrounded by trees and a cliff not too far away overlooking the water. He realizes that he is at the quarry—a place in Derry he would always visit back when he was a child. He liked to consider this place an escape from reality.
Speaking of when he was a child, Richie looks at his hands in front of him. They look a lot smaller and he suddenly notices that he’s a lot shorter. He raises a hand to his face to find that he is wearing his old glasses that made him look bug-eyed. He then notices his reflection in a nearby puddle and sees that he is thirteen years-old. Richie smiles to himself. Things seemed so much easier back then—even though they really weren’t at the time—like he was on top of the world and nothing else mattered; no adult responsibilities to worry about.
"Richie?"
Richie jumps and looks to where the voice had come from. In the direction of the cliff, standing there is none other than thirteen-year-old, Eddie Kaspbrak. Everything hits Richie at once (real life Richie stirs in his sleep). He feels like the wind has been knocked out of him, as though he's been punched.
He stands there in shock as every memory he has of Eddie comes flooding back at once, including the memory of when they went back to fight Pennywise those few years ago. Of Eddie jumping up to sacrifice his life to save Richie's and the other’s. Shoving his inhaler down Pennywise's throat and his arm getting ripped away. Him falling and Richie screaming.
"Eds! "
Richie running towards him. Grabbing onto him and holding him in his arms, staring at him desperately.
"Richie..."
"Eds..."
Eddie smiling. "Don't call me Eds." Raising his left hand slowly and touching Richie's cheek. Richie crying. "You know I... I..." Eddie dying in the middle of what he was about to say, and Richie’s heart breaking into a million pieces as Eddie took his final breath. Richie being forced to leave Eddie's body behind in the sewers. Crying about the dark and kissing Eddie's cheek with tears rolling down his own as he laid Eddie down. Kicking the door to Pennywise's lair shut and screaming, "Fuck you, Bitch! " at the unfairness of it all.
Richie falls to his knees as he looks at the boy in front of him. He realizes that they are both wearing what they wore the day they fought Pennywise the first time as kids; Eddie with his striped, red t-shirt, and jeans, and his cast that says 'Los(v)er'; Richie with his palm tree shirt.
"Richie."
"...Eddie..."
Free from his trance, Richie stands up and runs towards him. "Eddie! " He engulfs Eddie in his arms as he picks him up and spins him around before setting him down again, holding onto him tightly. They stand there for several moments, holding onto each other—they are both crying.
"I love you," Eddie says in a muffled voice, his face buried in Richie's shoulder.
Richie pulls back. "What...?"
"I love you. I never finished telling you what I wanted to say to you in the sewers, so I'm telling you now. I love you, Richie. I love you so much." His voice cracks on the last word, overcome with emotion.
Richie rests his forehead against Eddie's and lifts a hand to Eddie's cheek. He runs his thumb across the skin there. Eddie puts his hands on the sides of Richie's face. "I love you, too."
Eddie smiles—a teary-eyed smile—and closes the distance between them. The kiss is slow, but passionate, and filled with emotion. Richie can taste the salt from his tears. He wants to savour this moment forever. To never be separated from him again because if he were, surely, he would break. The love that passes between them feels like it is much more than them, as though they’re drowning in it.
They pull away after a moment and look at each other before wrapping their arms around each other once more. Richie buries his face in the crook of Eddie's neck and sobs. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Eds... It should've been me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"No, Richie, no, don't say that. Hey, look at me, Rich." Richie looks at Eddie. "I would give up my life a million times over, for you. Don’t ever be sorry."
Richie is at a loss for words. He feels a sudden surge of emotions for the boy who would give up his life—did give up his life—for him. He kisses his forehead. "I would, too. I would now."
Eddie smiles and kisses Richie's cheek. He grabs Richie by the hand and leads him to the edge of the cliff where they sit down together. Eddie rests his head on Richie's shoulder. "I missed you so fucking much, Eds."
"I thought I told you not to call me Eds."
Richie smirks. "And I thought I told you I don't care, Spaghetti." Eddie shoves him before snuggling closer. Richie kisses the top of his head and rests his on top of Eddie’s. “You know, I told myself I wouldn’t let me forget you this time. The first time, I felt like there was a part of me missing all those years, like I was looking for something that should’ve been obvious but I just couldn’t figure it out what it was. And then I saw you again. And I remembered. And suddenly that feeling was gone; I had finally found that missing part of me, what I was looking for.”
“I know the feeling,” Eddie says.
“And then you died. That feeling came back, but this time it was a thousand times worse, like my heart had been replaced by a black hole, sucking in every last bit of hope I had. I felt empty,” Richie starts to choke up.
“It’s okay,” Eddie whispers. He places his hand on top of Richie’s and draws small circles with his thumb to soothe him.
“The years went on and soon I began to forget again. Something I tried so hard not to do, but I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. The memories faded, but that empty feeling didn’t—if anything, with every year that passed, it worsened, and I didn’t understand what caused it. I did things, Eddie. I did anything I could to try to get rid of that feeling, things I’m not proud of. But nothing worked. Until now. Right now, that feeling is gone, because you’re here and everything feels right.”
Eddie squeezes his hand. “Wow. Who knew Richie Tozier was such a lovesick fool?”
“So what if I am? How can you blame me when my other half is the one and only Eddie Kaspbrak, the cutest boy in the world?” Richie scoffs. He moves to pinch Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie pushes him away.
“That is definitely something I didn’t miss about you.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Eds.”
“In all seriousness, though, I’m sorry I’ve put you through that. I hadn’t realized…” Eddie trails off. He starts to feel a little guilty, not knowing how much pain Richie has had to endure because of his death.
“It’s not your fault. You saved my life, remember? I have to pay the price somehow. You were just being your usual brave self, which I admire you so much for,” Richie says sincerely. He puts an arm around him and kisses his temple.
“Richie, you should know-”
Richie cuts him off. “And besides, you’re here now and that’s all that matters, right? No one can take my Eddie Spaghetti away from me ever again.” Richie hugs Eddie tightly from the side. He then glances at Eddie’s hand and notices that the cut from when they made the blood oath to return to Derry when Pennywise came back is there on his palm, only a scar. He takes Eddie’s hand and traces his lips across the scar, leaving gentle kisses, reminding himself of how they are bonded by blood. He entwines their hands together.
“I wish you were right, Richie.”
“What do you mean?”
“Rich, we can’t stay like this. This isn’t real.”
“I don’t understand,” Richie starts to feel scared. “Eds, what are you on about? This isn’t very chuckalicious of you,” he laughs nervously.
“Neither of us are actually here right now. This is a dream. I’m sorry, Richie, but I can’t stay.”
“No… no, Eddie, you can’t leave me, not again. I just got you back—I can’t live without you.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Eddie says with tears now filling his eyes.
Richie begins to cry. “Eddie, please, you can’t go. Not now. Not when I’ve finally found you.”
Eddie reaches up and places a hand on Richie’s cheek, caressing him, wiping away his tears with his thumb. Richie leans into the touch and closes his eyes. “Richie, I want you to know, that even if you can’t see me, I’ll always be with you. Watching over you, loving you. I will always love you, Richie. Don’t ever forget that.”
“Eds…” When Richie opens his eyes again, Eddie is gone. Panic washes over Richie. “Eds?! ” Richie gets to his feet. “No, he can’t be… Eds?! Eddie?!?!” Richie is screaming Eddie’s name, tears running down his face. “EDDIE!!! EDDIE, WHERE ARE YOU???”
* * *
“EDDIE!!!!! ” Richie sits up in bed with a jolt, breathing fast. He’s aware that he is sweating profusely, and that he’s been crying for some time. He continues to sob, repeating Eddie’s name over and over, that familiar empty feeling returning. “Eddie, no, Eddie… Eds…” He grabs a pillow and throws it across the room, letting out a loud scream. He puts his head in his hands. Why does life have to be so unfair? Why is it always the most wonderful people that have to go too soon? Why can’t I just be happy? Richie thinks.
He lays back down in bed and cries until he can’t no more—strangled sobs escaping his mouth—while whispering Eddie’s name, as if saying it enough will bring him back. Eddie is gone; Richie is still an adult, not a child. There is nothing he can do to change that. The reality of it all is like a hard slap to the face.
Richie’s cries eventually put him back to sleep. Later, when he awakes once more for another tiring day at work, he again forgets the boy who brought his life joy—the boy who once filled his now empty heart with love.