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I stood in front of the burned out remains of the Hale house, wringing my hands as I tried to build up the courage to knock on the door. I knew that Derek knew I was there, I wasn't exactly quiet especially considering his super-werewolf senses. I was there because Scott was now a part of Derek's pack and one of the conditions was that I was a member of the pack too. If that was going to work then there was some.. issues that we needed to sort out. That was why I was standing in front of his house with my heart trying to beat its way through my chest while trying to build up my nonexistent courage to finally tell him what was on my mind so we could clear the air and he could just get around to killing me. No awkwardness, that's what I was going for and I'm pretty sure there can't be awkwardness if one of us is dead.
“What are you doing here?” a voice growled behind me, scaring me enough that my heart sped up even more, to a rate that really couldn't be healthy. I spun around to face the owner of the voice, hands clutching my chest in hopes of keeping my heart from beating through it.
“What have I told you about doing that?!” I yelled at the grumpy werewolf who had snuck up behind me. I kept one hand on my chest as I bent in half, trying to get some semblance of calm back. Who was I kidding, I was never calm. “I think you gave me a heart attack, is this what a heart attack feels like?” I raised my eyes to look at Derek's face, grimacing as his lips thinned out in what could only be annoyance. I bit my lip to keep from jumping into a full blown ramble. I didn't think that annoying Derek more was an ideal way to start this conversation.
People were going to say I fell too fast and I wouldn't completely disagree. If it were anyone else in my position I would totally agree, especially considering I thought Derek was a killer at first. And kind of had him wrongly arrested. They're gonna say its never gonna last. I was worried about that to but I knew that I had to try. If I was going to have to spend a large amount of time in the company of Derek I couldn't keep hiding how I felt. So far that had only led to me rambling uncontrollably around him, becoming even more clumsy than I normally was, and my annoying the crap out of him. It wasn't beneficial to my continued health or for the already tense situations that we kept finding ourselves in.
I zoned back in from my mental pep talk to Derek right in my face and glaring at me, his green eyes level with my own eyes. “Stiles, what are you doing here?” he repeated, his voice coming out more of a growl than before.
I gulped before wiping my sweaty hands on my pants. “Uh.. About that.. Can we go in and talk, I really need to talk to you about something that I think is important and I thought it was best to get out of the way now that Scott decided to join you pack and I will probably be seeing you even more than before with all the life threatening stuff that will no doubt be going on. I figured its better to clear the air now before something happens and the awkwardness gets someone hurt or killed. Well it would most likely be me getting hurt or killed as I'm the only member of the super group who isn't, well, super.” I rambled as Derek stood up straight and started towards his door. I nodded my head as I muttered to myself “Right. Shut up Stiles” before I followed him into the house.
I followed Derek into his house and into his living room where he had recently put a couch, one of the only pieces of furniture in the house. He settled down into one corner before indicating I should sit down. I sat down for a moment on the opposite side of the couch than Derek before shooting up and pacing around in front of him. I rubbed my hands over my head, agitated with myself. Before it's too late I should just back away, back out of my stupid plan to confess.
I couldn't do that, I had to tell him. “Alright, so here's the thing Derek, and please don't kill me for this, or maim me, or injure me in any way. You can yell at me, you probably will but if we can ixnay the pain I would be grateful.” I was rambling again, I knew I was but I couldn't seem to stop. Derek was starting to get that stormy look on his face he seems to get whenever I annoyed him, which was always. “Let me just start by saying I don't expect anything to come from this except maybe you killing me but I have to do this. I have to get this out because I know that there will be an instance pretty soon where we are going to have to work together and I don't want anyone to get injured because of this.”
If people knew, if Scott knew how I felt about Derek he would probably call me an idiot before trying to explain that Derek's not the kind to hold my hand, he's not gonna try to understand because there's nothing under the surface and he's just looking for a pretty face. The Scott in my head was probably right to but when had that ever stopped me?
Derek was watching me pace with a look on his face that I would probably call worried if it were anyone else. “Get on with it.” He growled at me, his eyes flashing red for a moment in irritation.
“Alright, alright already Sourwolf.” I mumbled under my breath knowing full well he could hear me. I took a deep breath and sat beside Derek on the couch making sure to face him even though I couldn't meet his eyes. “Alright. So here's the thing Derek..” I took another deep breath to try to steel myself against not only what I was about to say but for the forthcoming rejection that was sure to follow. “I'm in love with you. I'm so unapologetically in love with you and no matter where it takes me, even if it breaks me I'm unapologetically all in. I know that you don't feel the same but I had to tell you on the off chance my trying to hide it from you caused issues when we need to work together for everyone's greater good. I couldn't risk Scott or you getting hurt because of me, because I'm trying to hide how I feel for you.”
I risked glancing up at Derek's face as I rambled on just to see it frozen in shock. A full minute of frozen silence passed before I started twisting my fingers together in my lap nervously as I waited for Derek to react. After the quiet went on for a solid 2 minutes I took another deep breath, probably the only thing keeping me from passing out as I waited with baited breaths, and stood up, trying my hardest to shove the hurt I was feeling away. I hadn't really been expecting anything else but it still hurt. I fought the tears burning my eyes as I headed towards the door.
I glanced back at Derek who was still frozen on the couch when I reached the door. “Don't worry about it though Derek, this won't make things awkward between us. Well, anymore awkward than it has been in the past. I just needed to tell you so that I no longer try to hide it. Its out in the open now, it doesn't matter, and you don't have to worry about it effecting you in any way.” I tried to put him at ease before leaving the house and hurrying to my jeep so I could head back to home to nurse my pain in private.
I was honestly surprised when I made it back to my house safely because I couldn't remember a second of the drive back. I was grateful that my dad was on shift so he wasn't home to see the tears threatening to escape as I hurried up to my room, swiping angrily at my burning eyes. I could care less that I was careless and I knew it would wreck me to be reckless about this but I also knew that I would rather fall apart than love half-hearted. Over the time I've spent with Derek I fell hard; he was brave, smart, and though he tried so hard to hide it he truly cared about the people around him, even me. It didn't hurt that he was so smoking hot.
A few tears escaped as I threw myself down on the bed with my face buried in the pillow. I couldn't find it in myself to wish I had never confessed, I was always the type to do what I thought was best no matter the consequences and potential pain. It didn't stop it from hurting like a bitch though, no matter how bravely stupid I was.
“God, I'm such an idiot. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Getting eaten by something would probably have been better than this.” I mumbled into the pillow before rolling over to stare at the ceiling, ignoring the tears falling down my face. With a muttered swear I rolled out of bed and turned on the first play list on my computer before throwing myself back down. I was allowed to wallow is self-pity at least for a little bit before I gathered up the tiny slivers of my heart and put myself back together.
I grimaced as the song changed to one that I may have stolen lines from when I confessed to Derek. I heard it for the first time when I had started contemplating confessing to Derek. It fit many parts of what was happening so well it kinda became my Derek song. I pulled the pillow out from under my head only to press it down over my face and ears. I was pretty sure I was cursed since out of every song in the world this one happened to have come on.
With the pillow over my head and the music playing I didn't hear the window opening. I didn't realize there was someone in the room with me until the bed dipped as they sat down beside me. I froze for a second before slowly lowering the pillow to see who was there though I knew since I was cursed it could only be one person.
Derek was sitting beside me on the bed, his head tilted slightly to the side as listened to the lyrics of the song still play.
'And I'm unapologetically in love
and I'm so unapologetically in love
no matter where it takes me
even if it breaks me
I'm unapologetically all in
From the second that I started falling
And it don't even phase me
When they call me crazy
I'm unapologetically in love
I'm unapologetically in love'
Derek looked at me with a raised eyebrow as he recognized some of the words in the song from when I confessed to him. I blushed a little before looking away and sitting up, hugging the pillow to my chest as if it could protect me.
“What are you doing here?” I muttered to Derek as I stared at his leg so I wouldn't have to see his face when he told me off or whatever he had come here to say.
“You annoy the hell out of me sometimes Stiles.” Derek started by saying. I couldn't stop myself from flinching away from him at that. I didn't really expect him to let me down easy but it didn't make it any less painful. I clenched the pillow tighter to my chest in a childish hope it would protect me from the coming pain. “You are loud, stubborn, obnoxious, and always getting into trouble; I honestly don't know how you've made it this far in life without someone strangling you.”
I couldn't stop the tears from escaping my eyes at that. I knew I wasn't a catch but no one wants their faults pointed out like that. I curled in around myself a little just hoping that Derek would get on with it so I could break down in private.
A gentle hand on my cheek turned my head so I was facing Derek. He was leaning forward, his green eyes full of a warmth I hadn't seen before as he brushed his thumb along my cheek to wipe away the tears. “You are all those things Stiles but I wouldn't change who you are for anything. You are brave, kind, loyal, and willing to do anything for the people around you.” He gently cupped my face as he gave me a small smile. “I actually enjoy the hyperactive, talkative, and sometimes obnoxious Stiles because when you find a diamond you can't keep it from shining and that's what you are. You are a diamond who I am unapologetically in love with.”
I stared at him in shock for a moment, not quite believing what I was hearing. Derek loved me.. He wasn't cruel enough to play with me about this, I was sure of that. My heart gave a happy skip which I'm sure he heard judging by his smile getting bigger.
I wanted nothing more than to throw myself at him and kiss the daylights out of him but before I did I just had to ask “You mean that right? You aren't just fucking with me?” Even though I knew in my heart he wasn't cruel I had to be sure. The way he froze scared me, I thought for sure it was because he didn't feel the same and didn't know how to react. I might normally charge forward into anything, especially things that scared me without a second thought but when it came to my heart I knew I had to be more careful.
“I do mean it.” He said quietly. And that was good enough for me. I threw the pillow out of the way before pressing forward to join our lips together in a gentle kiss. That was the extent of my knowledge of kissing but that was all I needed because Derek took control of the kiss after that. He gently tilted my head a little so that our noses brushed but didn't hit and then he gently licked at my lips. I gasped, my mouth opening enough that his tongue could slide in and start exploring my mouth. I groaned and pushed closer to him, my tongue bushing against his as I attempted to copy his technique.
Derek pulled away after a minute with a chuckle as I attempted to climb into his lap to chase his lips. He wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me still in his lap, a happy smile on his face. I had never seen him look so happy and I would love to see it more often, especially if I'm the one who put it there.
“Best first kiss ever.” I muttered with a sappy grin, leaning forward to brush our lips together again. “Does this mean we're dating? I would love to have a sourwolf as a boyfriend.”
I grinned as I leaned back to try and see his face better. He was looking speculative, like he was debating the question except for the smile turning up the corners of his mouth. “Boyfriend huh? I don't know, does that job come with benefits?” He asked, fighting a smile.
I raised my eyebrows at him even as I kept grinning. “The ability to kiss me to shut me up when I won't stop rambling?” I asked, tilting my head like I was considering if it that would be a benefit.
Derek laughed, his eyes dancing in happiness. “I will admit that is quite a benefit. Kissing you and shutting you up all at once? Consider me in.” He leaned forward for another kiss before pausing. “First kiss huh?” he asked quietly, his eyes flashing red for a moment showing his wolf's appreciation for being my first kiss. I nodded my head shyly, embarrassed a little that I hadn't kiss anyone before. “Good.” His voice came out as a purr which caused my stomach to flip and certain parts of my anatomy to stand at attention.
My cheeks went red even as I tried to ignore my body's reaction to Derek's possessiveness. “So when is our first date?” I asked, hoping to distract Derek.
“Now. We are going to dinner.” He answered, his voice still coming out as a purr.
I went to get off of Derek but I had to press in for one last kiss before separating from him. “I love you Derek.” I murmured against his lips before pulling away once again.
“Unapologetically.” He replied with a gentle smile.
I knew that people would say I fell to fast, that it was never going to last but as Derek took my hand as we went to go on our first date I also knew that I loved him wholeheartedly and I wouldn't regret it.