Work Text:
Everyone thinks they know Sunggyu enough to know what’s going through his mind, when in reality, Sunggyu doesn’t even know himself.
It’s his last time for a while.
The room is filled with howls, shrieks, whoops and laughter that will surely stay in Sunggyu’s mind the next years. Jungryoul is standing up, telling everyone to shut up and let himself explain between chuckles and nervous giggles, a bottle of beer in his hand. Sunggyu isn’t sure how much the other has had, since he’s been focusing on enjoying the single bottle he’ll have tonight.
Sungyeol is sitting besides him, laughing loudly and clapping with his hands as their manager tries to eat the biggest wrap of meat they both have ever seen. Sunggyu can’t help but laugh too, although his attention is fixed on lingering this moment in his memory.
Sungjong passes Sunggyu a little glass of soju, and even though Sunggyu didn’t plan on drinking much, he can’t say no to him. Not today. So without thinking it, he drinks it in one shot, suddenly noticing the cheering from around the table. Everyone’s eyes are on him, smiling, laughing. The alcohol burns Sunggyu’s throat deliciously and he smiles at the attention.
Jongwan is sitting at the foot of the table. Comfortable in his seat, he’s looking over at Sunggyu with a smirk. Sunggyu doesn’t dare to say it outloud, but sometimes he feels Jongwan like a 2nd father to him, and it’s in moments like these that he believes the older is proud of him. Proud of where he has gotten, of what he has achieved so far. A few days before they were both singing on stage with Tablo, and he still remembers the feeling, the excitement and thrill of a dream of his becoming truth.
Dongwoo’s big laugh takes Sunggyu off his mind, and he turns around in the exact moment to see when the younger drinks two soju shots in one gulp. Dongwoo is not a great drinker, so this, of course, makes him scowl at the end. But everyone is being loud, saying that he’s amazing or that he should drink even more. Dongwoo smiles at the end, and Sunggyu mirrors him right away when their eyes meet.
“Sunggyu” Tablo calls his attention. He’s standing up in front of him at the other side of the table, holding up two shots of soju. He’s looking down at Sunggyu, and the younger doesn’t think much before standing up too, taking one of the two. They both link their arms and drink the shot, and the burn is there again, lingering in his throat.
He doesn’t want to think much about what this party means, doesn’t want to believe there’s such thing as a last time. It’s stupid to believe he won’t be as happy as he is tonight, in this right moment. The jokes coming from his right and left are easy to blend his sour thoughts into more happy ones. Tonight is all about himself.
“Hyung” Sungyeol says, and although almost everyone here is older than him, no one but him reacts to the name. He’s holding up his phone, offering it to him. “It’s Myungsoo”
Sunggyu stands up, receiving the phone and making his way out of the room to hear Myungsoo better. He steps out of the restaurant altogether and stands by the sideway.
“Hyung” Myungsoo says from the other side of the line. “How’ve you been?”
Sunggyu smiles. “I’m fine, of course.”
Myungsoo sighs heavily, and Sunggyu can easily recognize the distress in his voice when he speaks, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there, hyung. I really--”
“Yah” Sunggyu interrupts him, “don’t apologize. I know you’re busy, that’s why I told you not to come to begin with.”
“But I could’ve--”
“--but you would’ve pushed your recording schedule. I can’t let you do that. It’s fine, really, I don’t mind.”
Myungsoo laughs, bitterly. “I hate it when you’re like this.”
“Huh?”
“You should be mad, hyung. You shouldn’t leave me off the hook this easily.”
Sunggyu chuckles. “You want me to get mad?”
“It would’ve been the logical reaction.”
“You’re not making much sense, though.” Sunggyu answers with a playful tone, and it’s only here when Myungsoo actually chuckles back, tired.
“I’m quite tired..”
Sunggyu would say something like ‘then go to sleep’ but he knows Myungsoo would only get mad, and a tiny part of him doesn’t want to hang up. He wants to stay here on the line with him, at least a minute more.
“How’s everyone? Are you having fun?”
“Yeah” Sunggyu sighs, “everyone’s having a blast. Sungyeol is back on telling old stories about me, y’know, so everyone can laugh at me. Sungjong is actually drinking, but he’s still early on his drinks, so all good. Dongwoo, well, with or without drinks, he’s quite the same.”
“Have you contacted Howon-hyung?” Myungsoo asks. There’s some fumbling in his side of the line, and then a placid sigh.
“You going to sleep?”
“Just lying down.”
“Mhm. Well, yeah, I talked over the phone with him last week, and we met the day before yesterday.”
“How is he?” Myungsoo asks, voice each time sounding softer.
Sunggyu snorts. “Call him yourself.”
“You think I have time for that? Or him? Heard he’s getting into another drama.”
He laughs. “Yeah, he’s doing okay. He’s busy, but not a lot, as of yet.”
“Glad to hear that.” Myungsoo yawns.
“You wanna hang up? You sound really tired.”
“Mhm. In a bit. How are you with Hyun?” He then asks.
Sunggyu stiffens. Woohyun.
“Uh, he’s good.”
“But, you two, I meant.”
To be quite honest, Sunggyu doesn’t have a clue. They’ve been fine, of course. Ever since Sunggyu finished his musical, they’ve been going out more and more, getting back on track on their relationship, little dates here and there that they actually missed having, even though neither of them said it outloud.
But then the letter came. And Woohyun had been getting ready for his own musical. And Sunggyu had been also busy, getting ready for his first ever solo concert. And it hadn't been the best way to say it, but Sunggyu told Woohyun the news over the phone. The moment Woohyun shut up for a minute, he knew he had screwed up, because--
“I’m fine.” Woohyun answered when Sunggyu asked him if everything’s alright. “I gotta go.”
Woohyun had hanged up, then called him back five minutes later.
“I’m not fine, hyung.” Woohyun breathed out. “Just give me a day to process this, okay?”
The day became two, then three, and by the fourth, everyone knew and decided to have a meal together. Woohyun had been the last one to arrive, so he had sat down at the foot of the table that afternoon. Sungyeol was besides him, saying they should all enlist together.
The idea was tempting for a single second, but then Sunggyu remembered Myungsoo’s drama and Woohyun’s upcoming musical and schedules, the mini album that has been on stand by the past months.
No. he couldn’t.
“But if we enlist together,” Sungyeol added with a mouthful of kimbap, “we have to go to the marines.”
Everyone laughed, including Woohyun, and Sunggyu decided to do it on his own, as scheduled.
After that, they hadn’t really spoke to each other. Woohyun was back doing his thing, and Sunggyu his own. Then the concert weekend came and they talked again, because Sunggyu wanted to have a duet with him and Dongwoo, and although they spent easily an hour texting each other, it felt like both were dancing around the idea.
“What do you want to sing together?” Woohyun asked over the phone, once he decided he was tired of texting.
“Well,” Sunggyu said, looking around for the concert setlist, “there’s a bunch of songs we could--”
“Can it be Between Me and You?”
His heart stopped for a second. “What?”
“The song.”
“Oh… oh!”
They had had dinner after that, along with Sunggyu’s closest friends and basically all the Woollim staff. So because it was basically Sunggyu’s night and everyone wanted to speak a little to him, wanted to wish him luck, advice him on this or that, they couldn’t really talk.
Woohyun had called him a day later, telling him he has some free time and if he wanted to go out. Sunggyu didn’t really know what that meant, if Woohyun would actually address the elephant in the room or if the invitation was even for that purpose.
In the end, they didn’t speak about it, not how Sunggyu wanted him to. Woohyun told him about his cousin, what the other had said when he was discharged, what Sunggyu should do once he’s there. He asked him when was he going to cut his hair and when was the exact date.
And that leaves us today, the little close-off dinner party he wanted to have, the one where Woohyun hasn’t really said anything to Sunggyu, nothing meaningful at least.
“I don’t know” Sunggyu answers at last, and hears a soft snoring in the other side of the line. He chuckles. “Good night, Myungsoo.”
Sunggyu turns around to go back inside, when sees Woohyun leaning against the frame of the door. The younger is looking at him with a faint smile on his lips.
“Came looking for you,” Woohyun says. “You were taking a lot of time.”
“Oh, okay. Then, let’s go back inside.”
Sunggyu gets closer to him, ready to go back to the party when-- “wait.” Woohyun grabs him by the forearm. “Let’s… stay here for a minute.”
They both walk to a little bench that’s on the side of the restaurant, and while Sunggyu sits with his knees pressed together, Woohyun sits with his hands in his pockets and his legs open, taking a lot of space.
Maybe this is the moment, Sunggyu thinks. Maybe they will finally talk about what will happen the next two years. Woohyun isn’t really the style to talk about the things that bother him, not like this, but maybe, just maybe.
“Do you remember the first time we went out drinking together, hyung?” Woohyun says, looking far ahead at the road. Sunggyu is looking at him.
“Yeah.” Sunggyu smiles. “I remember.”
“Sungjong was still a minor then, so he didn’t drink anything. Howon was looking after Myungsoo and Sungyeol who still were early on alcohol, and Dongwoo hyung was actually more interested in the food. But hyung,” he chuckles, “hyung was amazing.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were drinking a lot that night. But, it didn’t seem excessive, because hyung had already measured the quantity of what you were able to drink without going overboard. That’s the night I decided I was going to look up at you for the rest of my life.”
“Hyun..”
“Do you remember the day I was so fed up with practice?” Woohyun says, ignoring him. “Right now I can’t remember which song we were promoting…”
“Before The Dawn” Sunggyu answers. “We were practicing more than ever then.”
“Yeah” Woohyun chuckles. “That night I was so sure I was gonna quit. I didn’t want to do this anymore, and, well, of course it was just the spur of the moment, but you went white that day. You really thought I was talking seriously, so you took me out to get some fresh air, and we talked all night then.
“I don’t remember what we talked about, but when we came back, I realized.” Sunggyu stays quiet, looking at him. Woohyun turns back with a silly smile. “You wanna know what I realized?”
Sunggyu scoffs.
“That’s when I realized I like you, and will probably like you for the rest of my life.”
“Woohyun--”
“When we were in Hong Kong, after the concert. For a moment I thought life couldn’t be any better, I had it all. A great career, great members, but, there was something I didn’t have. You know what was that?”
Sunggyu’s eyes sting. They’re red but not watery just yet, as he’s fighting against the will to just cry. He nods.
“That’s when…”
“That’s when I confessed to you.” Woohyun finishes. “I don’t know what was I expecting from doing it, but you, reciprocating my feelings?” he chuckles, “that wasn’t it. But it happened, and I realized I won’t ever find someone better than you for me.”
Sunggyu gives up on trying to change the topic. Woohyun is a creature of thinking too much, about everything. And this too, he must’ve gathered a lot of courage to say it, must’ve thought it over and over for the past days.
“When did you realize that you love me?” He asks instead, and for his fortune, Woohyun answers.
“It was when I had my slump. Everything about those months are actually really blurry, but you were there for me. Well, everyone was, I can’t just ignore their efforts on cheering me up.” he laughs, “but you.” he turns, “you were there and-- it wasn’t that I realized it. I knew I loved you already, it’s just that… I really felt it then. That I love you and will love you for the rest of my life.
“Last month, when you told me over the phone that you were leaving me.” Woohyun continues after a minute of silence. Sunggyu loses it just now, with Woohyun looking at him, a sad smile in his face. “I was so mad at first. I couldn’t really focus on what I was doing and I really really wanted to punch you for telling it to me like that. I felt like I wasn’t worth enough for you to tell me in person.”
“Woohyun, I--” Sunggyu takes Woohyun’s hand in his, his face already stained with a few tears. Woohyun doesn’t back away, but he does continue.
“Then I realized, ‘Woohyun, this isn’t about you.’ It’s your duty, and your time. It’s… you. So in what universe do I have the right to get mad over something that isn’t related to me, in any way? It’s you who’s suffering it, you who will have to serve.”
“You wanna know why I told you over the phone?” Sunggyu rushes to interrupt him. Woohyun stays quiet, but looks at him with attention. “Because it’s you who I contacted first as soon as the letter arrived. I was going to call my mom first, then the company, and then you. But it was your number that ended up dialing first that day, because it was you, the person that was going to be the hardest to tell. I didn’t want to wait a minute longer, so I called you.”
Woohyun chuckles drily. “That’s good to know.”
Their hands are intertwined with each other, and they’re silent, enjoying the cold breezes.
"I know what you're thinking" Woohyun adds, "that how will I spend the next two years, how will I be without you. But mostly, how will you do?" Sunggyu nods a little, wondering how is it that Woohyun can read his mind just like that.
“I realized one last thing that day.” Woohyun continues. He takes up Sunggyu’s hands to his lips and kisses them slowly. Sunggyu doesn’t want to cry again, but he feels the tears threatening to accumulate in his eyes again. “I realized that, to be honest, two years are nothing.” Woohyun looks up. “Two years are nothing compared to the lifetime I prepared to spend with you.”
Sunggyu chuckles. Laughs. The tears are streaming down his eyes. He cries. Sobs. Hard. Woohyun scoots closer to him, kissing his tears away, embracing him with his arms and soft it'll be alrights, quieting him with more kisses that will definitely be the thing Sunggyu will remember most about this night, the thing he’ll come back to remember the next two years until he’s back to Woohyun.