Chapter Text
We only love once, but fiercely
The conversation between Underhill and Alec has been playing in my mind. What if the idea of “loving once” had a more profound meaning for nephilms? Now that Magnus has lost his powers, this scene appeared in my head, and from that, a short little story on how true love and sacrifices can bring the powers back to our favorite warlock
“Mom, hi,” Alec greets at the door to Magnus’ apartment. He hopes he doesn’t look as tired as he feels. Any time he wasn’t on a mission or at the Institute, he was here, wanting to make sure Magnus was safe from old enemies, and just wanting to spend time with him, and be there for him.
Magnus didn’t seem to care anymore. It was so frustrating. Alec knew his boyfriend was hurting. He knew his boyfriend was also very angry that Alec was often over because he felt the need to protect him. It was a fine line that Alec felt he continuously was crossing. And now the shadowhunter felt that Magnus was ignoring him.
“Thank you for seeing me in such short notice, I know you’ve been busy.” Maryse comments with a smile, and Alec can tell that she is nervous about something. Stepping inside, she looks around, “Where’s Magnus?”
“At the grocery store,” Alec answers. He doesn’t mention the thinly veiled argument they had moments before he left when Alec accused him of ignoring him.
Maryse huffs a soft laugh, “How mundane.” Walking deeper into the apartment, she turns to face her son, noting the dark circles under his eyes. “How is he doing?”
Shrugging, Alec closes the door behind him. “Fine.” He follows his mother into the living room. “I mean, the first week was more of a novelty for him…it’s been over a month now and…” he pauses. He isn’t sure how much to say.
Maryse sits down on one of the sofas, “The novelty has worn off, I suppose.” She watches her son sit down beside her.
Alec sighs. She was right. The first week was full of laughs and good humor. The second week was sarcasm and a bit of edge, especially with Lorenzo making a mess of things between the warlocks and seelies just days before. Last week Alec found Magnus in what seemed to be a rather calm state for outside eyes to witness, but Alec could see the sadness in his lover. And now, it seemed that his boyfriend was in a survival mode, barely smiling anymore, and mostly sleeping. Luckily the lack of food finally prompted Magnus to leave the apartment to buy some wine and crackers.
“I can see it in you,” Maryse adds, taking her son’s hand in hers. “Jace feels it too. He says it’s like a noose around your neck.”
Alec closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I’m trying.” It feels like cracks inside his soul. It often hurt him to even breathe.
She nods her head. “We love only once, and when we do, my son…”
“We do so fiercely,” Alec finishes for her.
“With our whole body and soul,” she adds.
He nods his head. “I know.” He was living proof.
“It’s why so many of us believe so strongly in arranged marriages, Alec. You know this. Emotions…”
“Cloud judgment,” Alec finishes the line. “It’s too late for me, mother. I love him. I’m in love with him.” Alec knows the consequences of falling in love as a nephilim. They take on the other’s pain, they breathe in the same rhythm as their true love, and they shatter when the love breaks.
“I know.” She says.
Alec nods his head. “And I know this is breaking him…and I can’t do anything to help him.” He looks over at the sympathy in his mother’s eyes. He knows that as much as she was initially against him being involved with Magnus, he knows that she supports him, and will always support him. She knows that Magnus loves him, and that he loves Magnus in return. But this hurdle has become too large to bear. The emptiness inside of Magnus is something Alec has been unable to fill, and that is killing him.
She smiles sadly at him, her own eyes watering. “What if there was a way?”
Smiling wistfully, Alec chuckles, “You know I’d take it.” He’d eat glass if that would help at this point. The pain was never-ending.
Maryse nods. “True love has always been a nephilim’s greatest risk. Many have died of broken hearts. If Magnus becomes so resentful—”
“He doesn’t blame me,” Alec interrupts. “He doesn’t blame anyone actually. To be honest…I don’t…” he sighs. “I don’t think he can feel anything at this moment.” And that hurt the most.
She nods her head, sitting there quietly for a few moments. Alec is about to ask her if she wants something to drink, when she suddenly speaks up again. “There might be a way.”
Quickly looking at her, Alec’s mouth goes very dry. He isn’t sure if he heard her correctly.
She speaks carefully, watching her son closely, “I told you that my involvement with The Circle was more elaborate than I had initially let on to you and your siblings.”
Alec nods his head, saying nothing, his mind still reeling over the idea that there might be a way to help Magnus.
“I…I knew about Valentine’s desire to experiment, and I used my knowledge of deoxyribonucleic acid and the organization of chromosomes to support Valentine in his research.” With a sigh, she stands up and walks towards the window. “I didn’t know he was experimenting with demon blood with his own son growing in Jocelyn’s womb. I didn’t think he would purposely expose his child to something like that.” Turning back to look at Alec, she smiles softly at him before continuing, “I had just announced my pregnancy. Robert was, of course, the first to know that was pregnant with you. And then I told Valentine.” She looks back at the window and Alec walks over to her, unsure what his mother is about to reveal.
She takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly before continuing. “He was so excited…Valentine, I mean. I mean, your father was as well, of course. But Valentine was excited for a different reason.”
“Why?” Alec frowns.
“I had no idea he had kidnapped an angel,” Maryse explains quickly. “All I knew was that he had come across pure angel grace.” She shakes her head, “Not angel blood, but grace. Pure and glowing and full of power.” She touches her own stomach, remembering. “He asked me…convinced me to try injecting the pure angel grace directly into my womb so you could absorb it as you grew and developed inside of me.” Turning to look at Alec, she continues with tears streaming down her face. “I wanted only the best for you, Alec, and this was my chance.”
He looks down at his hands. “No…this doesn’t make sense, Jace has---”
But Maryse continues, “The first shot nearly killed me…and you. I almost lost you.” She shakes her head. “The pain lasted for weeks. I was bedridden. Everyone thought I would miscarry.”
Alec slowly makes his way over to her, “I never heard this story before.” To his knowledge, his mothers’ pregnancies were all easy.
She nods her head. “I swore to never put you through that again, and the remainder of the pregnancy continued normally…when you your born…hours after you your born…Valentine came into the room with another injection. He didn’t tell me he gave it to you until after it happened. He assured me that no one saw anything and that you barely responded to the syringe.” She shakes her head, forcing a smile. “I was so angry at him, Alec. But you seemed perfectly fine…more than fine…you were a perfect child that learned skills quickly, adapted to your surroundings easier than others, and excelled in all your testing. Your father and I assumed that you simply absorbed the angel grace and it didn’t cause any abnormal affects.. Valentine moved on soon after your birth to studying the blood of angels instead of grace. I lost my focus…I stopped helping Valentine with his research as I was still so angry at him for giving you that second injection without my consent. Celine announced she was pregnant a few months before you were born, and I never even thought about Valentine attempting any other experiment on anyone else.”
“I’m okay though.” Alec thinks. He has never felt any differently. He knows the story of Celine. He knows what the angel blood did to Jace.
“After we learned about Jace and his increased levels of angel blood, your father and I began talking about the grace that was injected in you twice: once in-utero, and once again when you were only a few hours old.” She smiles sadly at him again, reaching out to cup his face in her hands. “It took some time, but I discovered what Valentine had wanted to use the grace for.”
“What?” Alec asks. He can’t imagine what Valentine would have done if whatever he wanted had happened.
“Wings.”
Alec blinks. “Wings?”
She nods her head. “Angel wings. Alec, a single feather from an angel has enough power to fuel an army of soldiers. A single feather can turn a regular demon into a knight of Edom….a single feather can solidify a warlock’s spell to cast upon generations….a feather from an angel---”
“Is dangerous.” Alec finishes for her.
She nods her head. “In the wrong hands, absolutely. Thankfully Valentine gave up and decided to focus on using angel blood instead. It’s nearly impossible to obtain an angel’s feather. Angel wings have a protective barrier over them. No one can pull a feather off an angel. Any attempt would be fatal….but an angel may gift a feather to someone. An angel may pull a feather off his or her own wing and let it fall into someone’s hand.”
“Why would an angel do that?” Alec asks. It seemed so dangerous.
“If the reason is strong enough.”
Alec nods his head. He has an idea of what a reason may be. “I don’t have wings, Mother.”
She smiles again, shaking her head. “You have soul wings, my love.”
Alec frowns, “Soul wings?”
“That is what the grace gave you,” she explains, “When a nephilim dies…if they are deemed worthy, the angels gift them with grace, creating wings to flow out through their soul and help navigate them through heaven. These special nephilim become known as seraphim warriors in heaven, with wings equal to pure angels, but created by their grace-infused souls.”
Alec has heard the story before. He knows of the tale of the bravest shadowhunters becoming seraph warriors in heaven, with wings carrying them through cities, battling demons and defending the angels from harm. They were known as the angels of justice.
“You think I have wings.” Alec confirms. He isn’t sure he is convinced. He thinks of Jace with Ithuriel’s blood running through him. Could he really have Ithuriel’s grace inside his soul?
She nods. “I know you have wings.”
“How?” He asks. Alec has to know.
“When The Owl stabbed you, and Catarina healed you…she told me that your soul was stronger than she had ever felt on a Shadowhunter. She commented how bright it was…and I knew. Alec, I know the grace infused in your soul.” She touches his cheek again, ignoring her own tears as she confesses this to her son, knowing what this will mean, but she cannot bear to see her son in so much pain.
Alec is quiet for a moment, absorbing the information. If what his mother is telling him is true, then he could quite possibly get Magnus his powers back.
Maryse begins to speak again. “Lilith was banished back to Edom, which means there is a war going on between her and Asmodeus for control.”
Alec looks back at his mother in surprise. “You think I should make a deal with Asmodeus to get Magnus’ powers back?” Obviously he was thinking that, but he didn’t imagine his own mother thinking the same. But they were always so alike in so many ways. And where she chose to keep her heart protected, he gave his heart freely.
Taking a deep breath, Maryse answers, “You are dying, Alec. I see it. Jace feels it. Magnus’ misery is drowning you and deep down you feel guilt, and that is killing you even quicker. I can’t stand here and watch my son die when I know there is a chance you can heal.”
“By giving a prince of hell a feather that I supposedly have.” Alec counters. Shaking his head, he can’t believe he is even considering it. It was dangerous at best, and absolutely stupid at worst. But if true, it could bring Magnus back to him.