Work Text:
She had to protect Jax and Thomas, she had to do what was the best for the club. If they had the money they could afford to treat her kids' health problems. It was not like she knew anything about medicine anyway. They needed a doctor. She had to do what was necessary even if it would mean tint her soul pitch black. And she was going to. Because John was not doing it. He was not thinking about his kids; not the way he should have. He was distracted. Thomas was not doing well, at all. He was in and out of the hospital more time than they could afford so she went to Clay Morrow. She knew what it meant to not have family around, well, she had a family once, and she was close to his dad, but that family was long gone. No for her, anymore. So she would have to hold into this family and the club, whatever it took.
So she went to Clay Morrow who wasn’t the devil. It was worse. One day, in the past, he was her husband’s best friend, but now, now he was scheming against him to take the club. Gemma couldn’t care less. Or more, if anything. Clay wanted to sell guns and weapons which was all around a bad idea. But a useful one. More money for the club, more money for the kids.
Clay Morrow had always been a lying bastard. She knew that, but he was also one of taking pleasure on stealing things from others, and with John always away, every day a little bit more into is own head, with his vision of peace and anarchy. It wasn’t difficult at all. Getting close to Clay with the promise of the throne of the club.
It happened a couple of days later. Like Gemma’s own punishment from a God, she didn’t even believe in. They were sleeping, and Jax was twelve and rebellious already. Deep into the club mentality.
He came running into the room, yelling like a madman, a mad boy. “Thomas,” he was saying, repeating, blabbering. John was frozen into place, Gemma jumped out of bed, made her way into the boys' room and Thomas was lying there, calm and peaceful. Gemma turned to Jax with an admonishing look. But he got closer to Thomas, wide eyes and terrified expression and Gemma knew. She pushed Jax out of the way and placed her ear near Thomas limp body. He wasn’t breathing, she couldn’t hear the heart beating. She yelled, screamed so hard John snapped out of his trance and entered the room, trying to wake Thomas. Jax was already crying, but Gemma was calling the ambulance.
Her baby boy was dead. Thomas was gone. She didn’t make in time. She couldn’t save him. He was gone. It was her fault. No matter what the doctor was telling them.
Thomas' heart was always too weak to keep him alive.
It was her fault. She gave Thomas her same heart defect. She had killed her own son. She had to make sure it would never happen again.
Days after, John was in Ireland and they were writing back and forth. Gemma had not changed her plans. She had a son to take care of, and John was useless and distant.
And it all went to shit.
No matter how many years have passed, Gemma still bear the thoughts of his baby boy. His poor Thomas. Jax is strong, and John is dead. She married Clay because it takes a dark soul to understand another turbid one. And then she comes back. Like nothing happened. Like she didn’t break her son fragile heart. Like she was still a club ol’ lady.
She is polished now. She is nothing like junkie Wendy. Gemma hates them both. They both tried to take her boy, Jax, from her. But Wendy is so dull and flawed, Gemma thinks Jax will never go back to her, with a son on the way.
But Wendy is a dirty junkie who can’t stay clean even during her pregnancy.
And that’s when Jax sees her again. Gemma already knows but and Wendy probably knew too. Junkie bitch.
Tara Knowles is nothing like them. She is nothing like she used to be either. She is stable, She’s clean and always so fucking kind is sickening. Gemma hates her. Again. Jax loves her, in a moment. Gemma knows. She’s gonna take Jax from her, and Abel too, if he survives.
And he does and Tara is a big part of the reason why he’s still kicking into this world. And Gemma hates her even more. And Jax is a goner.
Well, Jax never stopped loving her. Wendy be damned, he never really loved her. He knocked her up, they tried to marry and be merry, but she was just a junkie bitch and Gemma hated her guts. But Wendy is not Tara. Wendy was easy to manipulate. Tara is not.
And Gemma respects that, and she hates Tara even more.
She is a doctor, she knows shit Gemma doesn’t, she is useful. She saved Abel. And she is taking care of him when she has nothing better to do. Gemma knows.
Jax and Tara never fall out of love. It was just too much, at some point. And Tara wanted to be a doctor. It wasn’t a news. She had always been the smart one.
And she left.
And Jax was back with her mum, where he belonged. Heartbroken, awfully similar to his father. A thinker. And his heart is soft and his soul is kind, and Gemma loves him because he’s not her. He is pure, in a twisted way. He is loyal, kind and Gemma do canìt be prouder or more different.
She knows loyalty and she is loyal to his son only. The club be damned. Jax is her precious son. The only one she has left. She’s the one she didn’t betray.
Abel gets out of the hospital. Tara has some serious issues she is not talking about. A dirty little secret Gemma wants to expose, but he would alarm Jax and put him in danger. She is not going to let that happen.
A fucking stalker, Tara has. But Jax sticks with her. And Gemma knows when his boy loses his way. She can see the fear and the guilt in his eyes. She can see how everything melts away when Tara is around, and she wants to put a bullet into her head.
But she doesn't. Gemma knows Jax would turn his back on her if something bad will to happen to Tara. So, when it’s clear that Wendy is definitely out of the picture, she tries to get along with Tara and she brings back her sassy mouth and her fun side, which is cool. But Gemma still hates her. Because Tara is not Jax. Tara knows Gemma better than his son knows her.
Tara hates the club, but she loves Jax. She marries him.
Gemma loves Tara, sometimes, as much as she hates her. Tara is smart, brave, not because she’s not scared but because she faces things she is terrified of. She loves Tara because the woman knows how to care for people, for Jax, and she hates her for that, but she really, really love how much Tara loves people. She loves her sass, the way she put every rotten pussy into places. She enjoys her fun side, and her kind side, too. Gemma trust Tara, at some point, which is terrifying and weird and she hates her more for that. Because she can see so much of Jax into every little action Tara does. The kindness, the love, the feelings they both wear on their sleeves. She loves Tara because Gemma knows she’s been a bitch to her, still is, sometimes, but Tara keeps her secret. Tara understands how fragile Jax is. Tara love and Gemma love have the same burning intensity, Gemma loves that. Respect that. She hates that Tara knows how to manage her love in a healthier way she’ll ever be able to do.
She loves Tara making the hard choices, and hates her because she is the toxicity Tara is trying to escape, bringing the kids and Jax with her. Because, honestly, Tara is the best choice. The best future. And Gemma hates it. But she loves her so fucking much it hurts so much, later on.
Things start going to shit once again when Tara finds out all the bad Gamma has done. And no matter how close they had become. Tara is been framed and she is going to jail and she is doing everything in her power to take her grandchildren out of her life. And Gemma hates her even more. It’s a building rage it never seems to finish to pile up. But Gemma loves Jax and loves Tara, and she understands why she would see her as a threat.
Tara pretends to be pregnant, but they find out. Gemma is so happy when they tell her another kid is going to be a part of the family. And she loves her as much as she hates her when they find out it’s all fake. She’s hurt when Tara uses a fake pregnancy and a fake assault and a fake miscarriage to keep Gemma away from the kids.
And she really, really wants to kill her.
Tara tries to have the kids into Wendy clean ass custody. But Gemma has been playing this game longer.
Wendy is still easy to manipulate, even if she’s clean.
Jax is closer to her than before. Hurt by the love of his life. Gemma can take her place back. He’s gonna leave Tara.
She tried to take the kids away from Charming. Ol’ lady or not. She is dead.
She doesn’t know. Gemma. Or she knows. Her pitch-black soul never saw a brim of light.
Gemma hits Tara until her blood is soaking her own clothes. Gemma kills her.
She kills her because, again, death is the only way to keep her son close. It’s the only way to keep the kids.
But Tara wasn’t going to rat. She had made a deal with Jax. Because she still loved him more than she loved herself.
And now she is dead. Another body on her soul. Another death.
And she talks to her. Wherever she is. Gemma finds comforting, facking a conversation with Tara. They knew each other so well she almost can hear her voice. She loved her, and she didn’t understand how much Tara took from her as lessons to keep her kids safe. Gemma never got it before. She never did because being first for the family was the only important thing, for her.
Gemma wants to love so bad, she craves to be loved just as much. But she that’s what fucked her up. Still--
Jax must not know. Jax, his baby Jax. Her son. She just her son, again. But her son she is losing anyway. What she sees is her son shadow. But he will be okay. Mummy is here to take care of his son. She will not let him die.
Not until he kills her.
Guess he found out.
But Gemma is fine. Or she is not. She feels guilty because Tara just wanted to protect her kids from the nasty things in this world. And Gemma was nasty. She is a pitch-black soul. It’s kind of freeing. Death finally coming for her. Tara is coming for her soul. She just wants to know his son will be okay. But Jax will never be okay again, and she won’t be around to keep him alive. But Tara was what was keeping him alive.
His son is going to die. And it’s her fault, again.
She is Death.
But now she has touched every life, she has tried her best. She kept him close, impossibly close. Until death was the only option.
Both her and Tara are Death now, in the best possible way, now. In a place where the past is a blur and they can both hug Jax and keep him impossible close. And she is loved.
And she’s dead, and so is Thomas, and John, and Tara and Jax, and she loved all of them, probably too much. She loved them until death was the only option.
Gemma is Death.
Pitch-black soul.
Starving for love. Loved so much.