Fated

by avantaegarde

Summary:

"Taehyung, do you really believe you can..." Hoseok glanced around anxious, making sure yet again there was no one near. Still he lowered his voice even more, "Kill Jeongguk?"

Taehyung gulped, his eyes somber like Hoseok had never seen.

"Or I'll die trying."

Chapter 1

They came at night. No one expected it. They should have, after challenging them, but the problem with being a secluded, peaceful village is that you don't know what war is truly like.

The screams were burned into his memory, as were the images of death and destruction. The destruction of all he held dearest. He tried to avoid it, the Gods know he did. But no one ever listened to Taehyung. He never wished they would have more than when he was chained like an animal, dragged violently out of his house. They were dead, they were all dead.

Everything was noise and confusion, his brain could not process it. There was the smoke that made his eyes burn and the distinct smell of blood. He could still feel their rough touch at his skin, pulling him everywhere at once. He thought he was going to be dismembered. He had heard that was what they did. Savagery.

The horrifying image of Namjoon being run through by their dirty blades was vivid, his shout of Taehyung's name still echoed on the air as his body twisted with the gruesome wound. Taehyung remembered his pained howl like he was outside of his own body. Namjoon's limb figure was left on the floor in a poll of red as if it was nothing. He fought till his last breath for his brother. Taehyung wished no fighting was necessary though.

Only hours earlier they were together. Namjoon held him closely by his side, assuring the younger one everything would be fine. They were arguing, the threat of the Kogangs hanging over their heads like a dark cloud. The council was always loud and messy, but Namjoon managed to somehow make all of the participants shush and pay their full attention to his words, no matter what they were. It's the same ability their father had and Tae didn't share.

"We must resist!" He stated in his firm tone, the one he reserved for moments such as that. "These... Barbarians will not get the satisfaction of seeing us bow, we will not give them the land our ancestors conquered or the knowledge they passed on to us!"

A series of claps and approving yells followed his sentence.

"Hyung," Taehyung stood up as well, conscious of the scorning eyes on him, "They offer us a chance of survival, an agreement... We shouldn't spit on their mercy like this."

"Taehyung, an agreement is not forced upon one. They are trying to intimidate us into doing what they want! We won't stand for that!"

"You heard the emperor, the battle is won! At least like this no more lives need to be lost."

"It is precisely because of the lives that were lost that we cannot accept their proposal, my brother." Namjoon faced him solemnly, placing a hand over his shoulder. "All of ours who died, died so that we could be free, to protect us from this plague! If we bow to them now, we will be doing nothing but shame their memory. Our father's memory."

Namjoon squeezed Taehyung's shoulder, showing a faint smile. The younger one looked down, shaking his head.

"We would be protecting our people, all of us would live."

"There are things greater than our lives, Taehyung." He stepped away, turning back to the rest of the council. "Let's vote!"

As one by one they condemned their village to death, Taehyung could only watch, fighting his tears. As he was violently tossed on their caravans squeezed against the rest of the agonizing prisoners he let them flow profusely. Jeon Jeongguk's words populated his thoughts, like they probably played, tinted with regret, on all of the others' minds. "You will be subdued. You have until sundown to surrender and bow to your new ruler or face the consequences." They chose to fight one last time, hoping for a miracle that did not come.

When the sun kissed the higher mountain, beginning it's descent Taehyung was locked at the temple. The hard stone ground hurt his knees and his curved back ached after hours of praying. The air was thick, uneasy. Or maybe it was him. There was nothing. No warns, no horn, no second chance. When the last ray of sunshine was gone and there was no sign of an attack the more naive ones even dared to celebrate thinking maybe the Kogangs would give up and leave their community alone. Taehyung wanted to feel as optimistic as them but he couldn't shake the angst in his chest. He was right to be afraid.

They attacked when the people slept peacefully for one last night, when there was no chance to defend themselves. It was not a confrontation, but a massacre. They came that night and Taehyung was never the same.

Chapter 2

The tears dried on his bruised, dirty cheeks. The image of his home burning as the caravans took him away would forever haunt him. He thought about praying, but what was the point? Survive or not, he didn't care anymore. He was already dead.

The prisoners were taken to their camp, spread around like spoils of war, next to all they had ripped from his people. The iron cuffs that were tight around his neck and wrists irritated Taehyung's skin. He closed his eyes, waiting for his future to be decided. He did not want to look at any of those murderers, he did not want to see the blood that stained their clothes and wonder whom it belonged to.

People came and left frequently, selecting prisoners as if they were selecting objects. A large group of the strongest ones were separated. Taehyung recognized most of them, looking as devastated as he did.

"Congratulations, you will serve emperor Jeongguk as his soldiers. Feel honored," said a pale man with stone expression. He stood very straight, hands behind his back.

And then came the myth himself. Jeon Jeongguk seemed a lot smaller and less intimidating from up close, but Tae would not be fooled, he was the reason his brother died. His shoulders were down, like his heavy eyelids, unfitting to the gold that adorned his body and the warrior attire. The pale man bowed immediately, as did all the other soldiers.

"My lord, I have already chosen some men for you. There are still more possessions coming in."

The leader only nodded uninterested, evaluating what was brought to him. The pale man gave a positive sign to the other soldiers who began to pick their own prizes. A truculent one picked Taehyung up by his chains, raising the boy to his eyes. His breath hitched with the violent act.

"What do we have here? My lady will like you, boy," the man's rotten, hot breath made Taehyung sick, "Such soft skin, pretty eyes..."

His long nails caressed the boy's cheeks nauseating him. Tae twisted on his grasp, trying to move away.

"Don't touch me, pig!" He yelled trying to sway a kick at the giant that just laughed at his pathetic struggle.

"Aren't you feisty for someone so delicate?"

"You will see just how much when I rip your ugly face! Now let me go!"

"You have a lesson or two to learn about respect, I shall certify to teach you very well. You will be a nice toy in my house." He chuckled, reaching to touch Taehyung's shaking body.

The boy spit on his face, finally hitting a blow on his chest, unbalancing him. He contorted his slim, flexible body, desperate to escape his hold, and fell to the ground hard. Taehyung rolled to get on his feet and run for his escape, however the soldier was quicker. He pulled the chain back, suffocating him, bringing him back down. Tae gasped for air, but it escaped his lungs again when a kick hit his guts. A yelp escaped his lips when a another one came, that time at his ribs, strong enough to make his vision blur with pain. He curled on a ball, hugging his sides, and let out a soft whimper.

"Quieter now?"

"Let me go, monster!" Taehyung screamed, spitting the words unafraid. He preferred to just die right then and there than having to be with that man.

"What is happening here?" An assertive voice inquired, making the man stop his aggression at once.

Taehyung looked up, seeing Jeon Jeongguk to his confusion. His dark eyes were fixated on the soldier whose head went down, all pose gone.

"My lord."

"Why are you torturing this slave?"

"He spat on me, cussed, disrespected me..."

"Is he yours to owe you respect at all?" Jeongguk asked coldly, raising a sharp brow. The other gulped.

"I thought-"

"You thought wrong. Everything here is mine until I say otherwise. He is mine and you will not touch him again, was I clear?"

"My lord, I-"

"Was I clear?" He repeated slower, harsher. The other nodded, bowing. "Good. Min?" He turned back to the pale man that responded immediately, rushing to his ruler's side. The emperor's eyes lowered, focusing on Taehyung's. "I want to take this one with me."

"He is not fit-"

"What is it with you people today that I have to keep repeating myself?! I wish to take him with me, he can be part of my collection."

Min blinked surprised, pursing his lips. Taehyung still looked at Jeongguk, completely at loss.

"Very well then, I will arrange for him to be cleaned and assisted."

"And free him of these chains, he is not an animal."

Jeongguk turned his back on them, returning to his examination of the spoils. Tae's gaze followed him, unsure of what had just occurred.

"Come on, stand up." Min pulled his arm, catching his attention.

He freed Taehyung from the restrainers. Immediately the boy stepped away, suspicious of everyone.

"Follow me,” he ordered, turning around.

He headed out of the tent. Tae hesitated for a bit, but ended up going before they changed their minds, avoiding the eyes that were set on him. Walking was a struggle, as every muscle of his body ached, begging him to stop. Min led him to a different, fancier tent where another boy rested. He stood up quickly when the general entered, running to him.

"Yoongi, I was-" he chirped excited but then noticed the hunched ragged figure behind him. "Who is this, general?"

"Jimin, this is... What is your name?" Yoongi pushed Tae ahead, who remained quiet, refusing to speak. "This is how you want to do it? Alright. Jeongguk is taking him."

Jimin uttered an "oh" nodding respectfully, before directing a smile at him that Tae did not reciprocate.

"I hope he can stay with you for now. He needs to be cleaned and tended to. I trust you to help him."

"Yes, of course. I think he needs medical treatment, though."

"I will see to it, thank you, Jimin. And you," he glared at Tae, "behave. This your lucky day."

"My lucky day?" Taehyung murmured bitter, looking down, "After you barbarians destroyed my home?"

Yoongi ignored him, smirking to Jimin, before leaving the two alone. Taehyung let himself fall, his body finally succumbing to the exhaustion. Jimin rushed to him, helping him up and onto his comfortable bed. He could see the other boy's plump limps moving as if he was saying something, but he did not fathom it. Taehyung's mind was hazy, the hammer that pounded against his head made him want to vomit. His throat burned with thirst.

"Water, please," he asked in a shred of voice.

The other understood, quickly fetching him a cup that Tae chugged down in the blink of an eye. Jimin stood up calling someone. Tae closed his eyes, dozing off. He tried to fight the heaviness of his limbs, not wanting to sleep. He had to stay awake, alert. He wasn't safe. He had to... He... His body shut down into a much needed sleep.

A soft humming woke him. His head was spinning, and his body hurt all over.

"Namjoon..." he called in a husky sleepy voice.

"Sh... " someone said, a strange voice, "You are safe now."

"Namjoon... Where is Namjoon?" He mumbled. He needed his brother.

"I am Jimin, I will take care of you."

And then it all clicked. The horrid images of the attack swarmed Taehyung's thoughts pulling him out of his sleepy state, all the hurt taking him over again. His eyes shot open, meeting Jimin's. Tae tried to sit, immediately giving up because of the pain.

"Don't make much effort, you have been through a lot in the past day."

Jimin used a wet cloth to wipe his skin, cleaning the cuts that tainted it. He was beautiful and his voice was soft, matching his gaze, which made Taehyung feel at little more at ease despite the circumstances. He seemed to still be in the same tent where Min had left him. Even though the chains and cuffs were gone, their marks were still visible on him.

"How long did I sleep?" Taehyung asked, scratching his head.

"The whole day. I was becoming worried, but Jeongguk said to let you rest."

"Jeongguk?"

Jimin nodded, twisting the cloth.

"He came by to see how you were doing."

"Why?" Taehyung frowned.

"Well, he took you in. You are part of the collection now,” he said simply like that answered anything.

"What?"

"You don't know what that means, do you?" Jimin stopped, glancing at him. Tae shook his head. "Well, it is a great honor. The emperor chooses the most interesting people he meets on his travels to be part of his entourage im the capital."

"As what? Trophies?" He asked disgusted.

"Friends, entertainers, even advisors sometimes. I am one, in fact. You get to live in the palace like a royal if Jeongguk invites you to. It is a good life."

"I do not wish to be an object, Jimin. Especially not for him."

Taehyung would die before bowing to Jeongguk. Jimin sighed.

"I am sorry for what happened to you, I truly am, but I think you are not understanding your situation."

Taehyung narrowed his eyes.

"Enlighten me, then."

"Yoongi told me what happened, Jeongguk saved you from being taken as a slave by one of the most disgusting men I know. He gave you a good position, freedom! You should be relieved."

"He merely fixed an issue he caused. He ruined my life, Jimin."

"He is a good man. I promise. He will be kind to you if you are kind to him."

"I want him dead."

Jimin covered his mouth quickly, looking around the empty tent paranoid.

"Do not say something like that again! If someone heard, they would run you through where you are. I will let it pass, as I understand you are affected by grief."

Taehyung bit his tongue, looking away. He knew very well what he was saying. He wanted Jeongguk to pay for his crimes, he wanted to bring him down, he wanted to prevent anyone else from having to face what he faced. But, of course, he could not say that. Jimin cleaned his throat, standing.

"Now we need to get you ready for him..."

"What do you mean?" Taehyung's eyes widened in fear against his will.

"Jengguk will come to meet you later. You should be presentable."

"Why? I am not marrying him."

"Many people would kill for a chance to impress the emperor, Taehyung. It would be wise not to waste it."

Tae sulked, but he let himself be groomed, the humanity that was brutally ripped away from him, restored. What else could he do? Avenging his family and destroying Jeongguk seemed like the only path left to take. He admired the religious tattoos that decorated his hands and feet. He understood it now. That was his purpose, why he was left alive. Why him instead of Namjoon, a leader, a wise and respected man, with so much to offer? Why Taehyung? Now he knew. He was meant to make things right, to restore balance, avenge and honor all the lives lost. He was meant to rid the world of Jeon Jeongguk.

Notes:

Hello!
So Taekook's first meeting is coming! Tae already has a very strong impression of him. How do you think that's gonna go?

Chapter 3

Taehyung stared at the unfamiliar image in the looking glass. Those weren't his clothes, they were Jimin's. Sahwa, he claimed to be. He missed even the touch of the familiar fabric he used to wear. Jimin contoured his eyes with eyeliner, like his own, making them seem to glint mysteriously, and covered him in jewelry. He was washed and perfumed with a thousand different scents. The only aspect of his true self left were the tattoos etched on his skin. Underneath the pretty packaging, the bruises still hurt. Jimin was so worried about making sure Tae would impress the emperor, he didn't even bother to ask what he thought of all that. Taehyung supposed it didn't matter, there was no choice anyway.

When the athletic figure entered the tent the chuckles immediately died. All the servants and his care taker bowed automatically, but Taehyung remained turned back. He would not bow. Namjoon wouldn't.

"Good night," Jeongguk greeted, his voice much softer than earlier, "thank you for looking after our new guest. Would you give me a moment with him?"

"Of course." Jimin exchanged a glance with Taehyung one last time before he made his way out, accompanied by the servants.

Tae remained sat at his chair unbothered. If Jeongguk wanted to talk then he should talk.

"You look stunning,” he noted, stepping into the mirror view. Taehyung raised a brow, "Sahwa attire suits you well."

"I do not have any of my clothes to wear." He ignored the compliment uncomfortable in his presence. Jeongguk nodded, thinning his lips.

"I am sorry about that, I will ask them to find you some pieces." He showed a half smile to which Taehyung responded with cold eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Do not pretend you care about my wellbeing,” he asked tired of the fake concern already. He stood up, walking further to increase the distance between them.

"I do care, or else I would not have my people looking after you."

"It is the least you can do, when you are the reason I am hurt."

The bitterness got the best of him, causing Tae to ignore all the warnings in his mind. Jeongguk looked down, hands behind his back.

"You're right. There is no way to repair your loss, but I do wish to help you."

"I do not need your false sympathy."

"It is not sympathy, much less false. It is simply a man acknowledging the harm he did to another."

"It does not bring those people back," Taehyung murmured.

"No, it doesn't," he swallowed dry, voice lowering, "but in my culture we don't waste time thinking of the dead, only the living."

"And what of mine?" Taehyung raised his chin, retorting.

"I shall have the utmost pleasure learning it if you want to teach me."

He grinned faintly, not seeming at all displeased by Taehyung.

"As if my desire has any weight."

"It has more than you think. You are not a prisoner here; you may leave if you wish."

"You know I cannot. I do not have anywhere to go, you destroyed my home, my family..."

"And that is why I am offering you a chance at a new life." He took one step forward, towards him. "But it is your choice. My empire is made of lots different cultures and people. All are welcome, including you. Many find a way to begin again at the capital, I hope you would as well."

Taehyung clenched his fists, years of learning how to tame his emotions paying off.

"I have no choice."

"There is always a choice. Just make sure it is the right one."

Jeongguk stared at him with his cryptic eyes, those black dots seeming to pierce into his soul. Then he smiled, a gentle, sweet smile, Tae would say, if he did not know better.

"What is this? A threat?" He scorned.

"An advice,” he corrected. Taehyung wanted to slap that smirk off his face. "One I heard a long time ago."

"Save it."

Jeongguk chuckled, nodding.

"Alright. You haven't told me your name..."

"You haven't asked."

"Well, I am asking now."

Tae folded his arms, pursing his lips. Despite his calm and agreeable posture, he wouldn't let himself be fooled by Jengguk. There was blood in those hands, his blood. But if he wanted any chance to accomplish his mission, he would have to play the game.

"Kim Taehyung."

"Nice to meet you, Kim Taehyung. I am Jeon Jeongguk."

"I know who you are."

"No, you don't. You know the twisted image of a leader. I am introducing you to the real person, Jeon Jeongguk."

"Oh please!" He snarked, rolling his eyes, "Do not pin your actions on your title."

"I am not. I own my decisions, but there is more to me than just the conqueror."

"Is there?" Taehyung questioned in disbelief. "The image people have of you was your own doing."

Tae held his stare, daring.

"The tattoos in your hands..." Jeongguk looked down suddenly, pointing. "They are ritualistic right?"

"Yes..." Taehyung studied him, "How do you know?"

"I have seen similar. Well, then I assume you are a man of culture. So, you should know by now there are always two sides to every story."

"Sometimes. Sometimes not. I have no reason to believe you."

"Then you will have to trust me."

"Why would I ever trust you?"

"Perhaps because I saved you?"

"Do you see yourself as some hero? Is that why you intervened in my favor?"

Jeongguk threw his head back, eyes crinkling. He seemed almost amused. It profoundly annoyed Taehyung.

"You are bold, Kim Taehyung,” he observed, almost admired, "I intervened because I cannot stand injustice and oppression."

"That is ironic coming from a man like you."

"As I said, you don't know me. I fight battles, Taehyung, I do not abuse the weaker."

"What you did to us was not a fight." Taehyung raised his index finger, coming closer, completely losing sight of his situation.

"I gave you a choice and you made the wrong one. Believe me, I am very sorry about it too."

"Do not dare to blame us! We are the innocent ones."

"No one is innocent, Taehyung,” he muttered, coming nearer, “however, this is not about the battle. What that man was doing to you was pure humiliation and perversion. I do not stand for that. If you have heard of me as you claim, you should know how I rule my domains."

Taehyung noticed the tension on Jeongguk's sharp jaw, eyes moving to hold his gaze. Somehow, they had gotten close, close enough that Tae could attack him and possibly end it all.

"We depart tomorrow. I hope you decide to come with us."

He didn't wait for a comeback, turning around and leaving the tent.

Taehyung sat down on the chair, facing his pale image on the mirror. His breaths were hitched, the fear he had repressed surfaced once he was alone. He survived. He had Jeon Jeongguk face to face, he looked him in the eyes, and he survived. The emperor did not seem so almighty anymore. Clueless man, he had no idea what destiny awaited him, or else he wouldn't desire Taehyung's company.

Jimin returned once he had left, making many questions, wanting to know how their conversation went. Since he seemed knowledgeable about Jeongguk and all that concerned him, Tae decided it would be smart to keep him as an ally.

"Did he really say he hoped you would come along?" he had his palms joined over his lips, pacing around the room.

"Yes." Taehyung sighed bored, brushing his hair.

"That's great, Taehyung! Jeongguk is not one for frivolity, if he said it, then it is true. You did well.”

Tae couldn't even pretend to be happy about it. Jimin noticed, giving him a sympathetic look.

"You will see." He stood behind him, looking at Tae trough the mirror, "You will like it there, Jinse is wonderful, the perfect place for a fresh start."

Jimin's undying optimism irritated him. How could he say anything would be fine again? What did he know of Taehyung's pain to beam at him with that compassion? However, he did not want to argue, resigning to the role he would have to play.

"We should rest, tomorrow our journey starts early." He got up and headed to the bed that was improvised for him.

Jimin agreed, going to lie down as well. Taehyung knew he wouldn't be able to sleep despite being weary. The memories were too clear on his brain. He waited for Jimin to fall asleep, deciding he would pray. He needed guidance, he needed strength for what was to come.

Tae kneeled. Meditating used to be hard. When he was only a child, being introduced to art of priesthood, he whined a lot to his mentor. Being still was hard, not thinking was damn nearly impossible. But he learned to be in control of his own chaos. So, despite the hot rage that boiled on his chest, the mess of feelings that unsettled his soul, Taehyung prayed. He bowed to the gods, hoping they would once again favor him.

Chapter 4

When the first rays of light entered the tent, Taehyung's body was hardened. He breathed in profoundly, collecting himself. Jimin was still fast asleep. Tae didn't know what was his story, but he couldn't help being envious of his peace. He stepped out uncertain, having barely studied the camp the day before. Too much was happening at once to allow him to. He finally could see how vast it was, dozens of tents spread. They never stood a chance. A few soldiers were up, glaring at him suspiciously, but they didn't dare to confront. Maybe they had heard of what happened to the last one who did.

He made his way through the improvised residences, unsure of his path. He had learned with Namjoon to guide himself by the sun, but that was long ago. It hurt to think about Namjoon, his laughter, his kindness, his calm voice when he explained the world to him. The tears threatened to fall, but Taehyung fought them with all he had, it wasn't the moment.

He walked until the camp was behind him, following the river and the rising sun. It was a cool day, the breeze playing with his hair and the light fabric of his clothes. Jimin's clothes. Those were Jimin's clothes. His feet hurt. Taehyung didn't know how far his village, or what was left of it, was. The travel to the camp had seemed endless. Nevertheless he kept moving, going up the hills until he could glimpse it by the foot of the higher mountains that had been his cradle. It was a mere shadow now, a dark spot in the terrain. Burned houses, pieces of wood and bodies. So many bodies. His people. His cheeks were wet already but Taehyung didn't mind. There was no point in wiping them when they would only get stained again.

The sickening stench engulfed him. Taehyung took in the lifeless landscape horrified. What was once the most beautiful valley of the seven kingdoms was now converted to ruins. It was silent, except for the sickening crack under his feet. His stomach churned, dizziness slowing him down. It was impossible to associate the ashes with the grandiosity that used to be there. There was a noise coming from somewhere. It took him a second to realize it were his own anguished sobs escaping.

His tumbling steps tripped on a cadaver, causing him to drop to the ground, mixing with the decomposing corpses. The motionless eyeballs stared at him, screams still twisting their faces, asking for a help that never came. He was surrounded by destruction. Taehyung's body shook violently as he struggled to untangle himself from the deformed figures, only seeming to worsen the situation, being sucked by death. It was in him, crawling underneath his skin, in his thoughts, in his obnoxious heart that somehow insisted on beating.

Wails filled the air as he covered his head, rocking back and forth, in a pathetic attempt to hide, to block it out. The screams replayed in his mind, mixed with his own when he felt hands touch him. That was it, they were coming to collect him, they knew Taehyung was dead too.

His blurry vision focused on Jeongguk who kneeled before him, both hands gripping his shoulders. He could see his mouth moving, forming his name. Then he pulled him into a sudden embrace. Taehyung snapped out of his shock, pushing him away with all the strength he had.

"Don't touch me!"

"Taehyung..." he raised his hands in a peace offering, but Tae slapped them.

"This is all on you! Don't you see? All this disgrace is because of you!"

A sharp blade was placed at his neck. Only then Taehyung noticed the guards that accompanied the emperor.

"Stand down." Jeongguk demanded with stone cold voice, the same he had used when he saved Tae before. "Now."

The man that threatened him huffed, but obeyed, putting his sword away.

"What are you doing here?!" Taehyung yelled furious. "Came to gloat? To step on our ashes? Haven't you had enough?!"

"You are right, Taehyung." Jeongguk's pained eyes found his. His demeanor was different, not challenging like last night. He appeared genuinely upset, which boggled Tae. "That is why I am here. I know the lives that were lost had value, something I could never repair. I am here to remember this, to remember them."

"W-what?" He asked amidst hitched breaths.

"I know you don't believe me, but I take no pleasure in killing."

"Then why?!" Taehyung hushed, facing down. His fingers dug into the dust. "Why do you do this?"

Jeongguk held his chin, raising his head up to look at him as if he was a child.

"Because this is survival."

Taehyung turned away, releasing himself from Jeongguk's grip. The boy stood up, offering his calloused hand, too rough for those of an emperor.

"Walk with me, please."

"No." Taehyung didn't look at him.

"This is your home, Taehyung, and now it's mine, I would like for you to show me around." He insisted, but Tae refused to satisfy his wish.

"No."

"You may take anything you desire."

That made Tae glance at him doubtfully, but Jeongguk's eyes were sincere, no malice in them. Still he didn't take the hand, his knee burning with the effort to get up. He could feel his tunic wet with a hot, viscous liquid. Jeongguk stepped closer, but Tae's hand stopped him.

"You are bleeding." Jeongguk pointed, a hint of worry in his voice.

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

"But..."

"Come on."

Taehyung took off on his own, ignoring the pain, not wanting to show any weakness in front of him. Jeongguk sprinted to catch up and walk beside him. Tae mostly remained silent, pointing out the important spots here and there. The public square, the assembly building, the temples.

"You are a priest, aren't you?" Jeongguk questioned, with a half-smile.

"I was an apprentice. Now, I am nothing."

"That is not true. We can build a temple in Jinse, there are many already. You may continue with your beliefs. I have never seen a Shan ritual before..."

"Why do you want to?" Taehyung furrowed his brows, side eyeing him.

"Because I'm curious." He shrugged. "What is it like?"

Tae bit his lower lip. He did not know how many more had survived; maybe his religion would die with him. Suddenly he felt the need to share it, spread it, somehow bring it to life again.

"It is beautiful, cathartic, significant... There are many different rituals, festive and closed ones. I liked the festive more."

"Why?"

"There was dance and music, we kept the fire burning for the gods the entire night." He smiled faintly with the cherished memories.

"Could you show me?" He asked hopeful. Taehyung's smile faded, replaced by a censuring glare.

"You are not worthy."

Jeongguk looked down, nodding.

"I understand. I hope you will someday, though. I told you, Taehyung, I want to learn your culture."

"Then do not destroy it."

"I am not. I gave orders to preserve all we can. I am emperor of all the lands beyond the mountains, up until the western ridge, and I have good relations with all of them. There could have been peace between our people. We even have the same roots..."

"There would be no peace, only domination. That is all you barbarians can understand."

He saw Jeongguk tense next to him, hands turning into fists.

"Tell me, Taehyung," he halted, staring at him, "have you ever been beyond the mountains?"

Taehyung shook his head, stopping as well. Jeongguk's gaze lowered, leaving him.

"I thought so." He nodded, thinning his lips. "Do you have the faintest idea what is it like outside the valley?"

"I have read about it..."

"Oh, you read about it?" He raised his brow, ironic, even bitter he would say. Tae frowned, not understanding the sudden change in his tone. "Can words make your stomach ache with hunger, so much hunger that you are willing to eat anything? The kind of hunger so intense that you feel your body might just begin to feed in itself, with how hard your guts twist for food? Can they burn your skin with the scorching sun? And then freeze you in the harsh nights of winter?"

Taehyung stood silent, unable to answer.

"Tell me, Kim Taehyung, do words allow you to know, really know, how it feels to work until you break, to have to fight everyday to see the sun rising again, even though it will surely bring nothing but more misery? Can they surround you with death and violence?"

Tae observed him with his mouth agape, processing what he had heard and the somber look that made Jeongguk appear so much older for a moment. He gulped, turning away.

"No." His voice was nearly inaudible.

"I thought so." Jeongguk answered with what Tae thought to be scorn. "I understand your grief and your anger, I do, but you have no right to pass judgment on how we, the tribes that were outcasted centuries ago, made our living while you privileged people had fertile lands, abundant water and natural protection to allow you to flourish."

"I-I..." he began, but was cut off by Jeongguk.

"We are not barbarians as your books would call us, we are survivors."

Jeongguk's hard eyes pulled away from him, leaving Taehyung speechless. What had those eyes seen? He marched ahead, hands behind his back. Despite his young age, his posture was heavy, as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and for the first time Taehyung saw Jeongguk under a different light. There was no room for compassion though, he had a mission.

He watched Jeongguk's toned body move with ability. The boy was strong, built up like a warrior. There was no way Taehyung could possibly fight, Jeongguk would overrule him easily. The shadows of his guards following the two didn't help either. However, there was one thing that Taehyung could take advantage off, his curiosity. He recalled the first time his father took him along to hunt. Taehyung had absolutely hated it. How could one so easily inflict pain, kill? He remembered vividly his father setting the trap with food, a promise of safety, an inviting death. And remembered how the poor animal walked right into it unknowingly. Tae cried for days after that, even refused to eat. But he learned. If he played his cards right he could get Jeongguk to disarm, low his defenses, walk into his trap as nicely as the badger had done. And then it would be over for him.

As Taehyung was lost in his thoughts, his feet found the way to his house on their own. He froze at the end of the familiar journey, the image of what was left of his home was more than he could bear. He didn't want to go there, he could not even look at it. Taehyung forced himself to turn away, fighting those annoying tears again. He desperately tried not to think of Namjoon's dead body rotting in there or wonder if they had already taken it away, deposing it like trash. Jeongguk noticed what was happening, taking a few steps back to be next to his trembling body.

"This is your house, isn't it?" He inquired grave, already knowing the answer. Taehyung nodded.

"I cannot go in. C-could you send your men to retrieve my belongings? Or what is left of them, anyways..." He bit his lip, the words not wanting to leave, "P-Please?"

Jeongguk looked around, narrowing his eyes. He licked his lips and turned on his feet. Tae's jaw dropped slightly as he watched the emperor make his way into the wrecked house. Taehyung realized he felt somewhat better like that. If one of theirs had to go into his home, violate the place again he preferred it to be Jeongguk who he trusted more to not to be rudely disrespectful than one of his minions.

He awaited ecstatic in the same spot, trying his hardest not to look at the ruins. It felt like ages until the boy came out, carrying a bag, a beautifully tressed one, that he remembered used to be his brother's. Jeongguk handed it to Taehyung, who clung to the possessions like a life saver.

"What do I owe you now?" He mumbled, unable to face him.

"You don't owe me anything. These are yours, after all, Taehyung."

"I thought everything was yours." He reminisced provoking, eyes darting up to catch Jeongguk's sly smile.

"Not this." He shook his head. "I also want to know..." He hesitated, tilting his head, "What is the proper thing to do with the bodies? I mean, what are the rituals we should be aware of?"

"Bury them." He hushed, fixated on the few belongings he still had, "At sundown, please, so they can make their cross."

"Is this it?"

"You should throw a flower at the river for every parting soul, but I do not believe your soldiers will."

"I will certify they do."

Taehyung merely hummed in acknowledgement. He turned around, heart clenched as he left behind his old home, the only one he had ever known.

Chapter 5

They made their way back to the camp, Taehyung marching in front, as Jeongguk and his guards kept their distance. His leg throbbed, blood wetting the light fabric that involved his body, turning it sticky. In another life he would be preparing for summer festivities. The emptiness on his chest was suffocating, he could feel it growing, deforming him, slowly but surely.

Jimin wasn't in their shared tent, for what Taehyung was grateful. He sat over the bed, emptying the bag. A few pieces of clothing, some of his less valuable jewelry and a dagger. His father's dagger. Taehyung picked the weapon up carefully, admiring it with certain awe. He wasn't used to handling things as deadly. No, Taehyung had always condemned violence, hated it. Until now.
It was more practical than decorative, simple, unremarkable. But the blade was sharp, as Tae needed it to be, ripping the tip of his finger. He sucked on the droplets of blood, pensive. Those were the only things he had of his old self, the only connection to his family. His thumb brushed delicately the golden handle, cleaning the dust that encrusted it. He shut his eyes, tightening his grip around the cold metal, calling to whoever could hear him, calling Namjoon.

"Taehyung?" A hesitant voice echoed, bringing him back to the harsh reality.

Jeongguk entered the tent without invite, carrying a plain wooden box in his arms.

"What do you want now?" Tae questioned looking away.

"To see your knee."

"I am fine, I told you."

Jeongguk's eyes widened for a split second, going back to normal quickly.

"Were you intending not to take care of this?"

"I was going to. On my own."

"A bit more and it would get infected and you would be as good as dead."

"Are you a physician as well?" He ironized, receiving a reprehending glare from the other that he chose to ignore. "Give it to me."

He reached for the supplies, but Jeongguk was faster, picking it up and sitting on bed next to him.

"Be still, I'll take care of this."

"I do not want your scrapes of respect, stop with this act."

"Neither do I want to hear you being ungrateful, yet here we are..." Jeongguk muttered, opening the box and taking some items out. He embedded a piece of cloth in cleansing solution, "This is going to burn."

"Just do it." Taehyung said impatiently, turning his head away. Despite his dedication to keeping a brave face, the frown was inevitable.

"Are you alright?" Jeongguk questioned, the humorous glint in his eyes bothering Tae.

"I am perfectly fine, finish this and leave me."

"You have the emperor taking care of you, Kim Taehyung, show some respect, maybe."

"The emperor is nothing but an usurper."

"Oh yes?" Jeongguk raised his eyebrows, remaining focused on the wound, "Why do you say that?"

"Taking other people's lands, claiming ownership of what was never his..."

"Isn't that how humanity has always worked? Nothing belongs to anyone; you take what you can get. It is the natural law."

"Barbaric" Taehyung mumbled to himself.

He let out a small screech when Jeongguk dropped more of the solution on his bruise with no warning.

"Sorry, my hand slipped." He said lifeless, but Taehyung noticed he was containing a grin. "Have you decided yet? To come with us?"

"As I said, there is no choice."

"I love your enthusiasm."

"It is my fate to go. I merely accept it."

"You believe in these things?" Jeongguk gazed at him curious, "Fate, destiny?"

"Don't you?"

"I believe we make our own destiny."

"Why am I not surprised that you can't comprehend a higher force?"

"Well, what does my fate says then?" He pursed his lips, straightening his posture. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"I am not a seer, but if I had to guess I would say it is not good."

"Are you sure that this is not just your wishful thinking?"

Taehyung didn't respond, sick of giving in to his foolish game. Jeongguk took another piece of cloth, wrapping it tightly over the bruised skin.

"There," he stood up, wiping his hands, "make sure to rest this leg as much as possible. We have a long journey to face."

"So the emperor knows how to care for someone too..." Taehyung uttered from behind him, making Jeongguk stop.

"I have cared for many men in the battlefield."

"Battles you send them into."

"I do not make them fight, Taehyung," Jeongguk turned back to him, "they do it on their will. It is what you would call loyalty."

"They serve you." Taehyung argued, unconvinced.

"There is nothing wrong with serving a fair master." He protested, shrugging. "Fighting for something, or with someone, you believe in is noble."

"You consider yourself fair?" Tae furrowed his brows.

"In fact, I do. It is one of the things I take pride in. What about you?"

"I don't think you are fair, no." Taehyung shook his head, crossing his arms. Jungkook scoffed.

"No, what is something about yourself you are proud of?"

Taehyung looked away, running from his questioning gaze.

"I am a good servant to the gods. I am - was - a good member of my society... A good son, a-and brother... Or I tried to be at least..."

"Something tells me you were." Jeongguk gave him a crooked smile. "Anyway, make sure to change the bandages later today."

"Why are you looking after me?" Taehyung asked suddenly, raising his eyes to meet his, like not many would dare. "You could have anyone do this."

"I admire you, Kim Taehyung." He said, narrowing his eyes. Taehyung laughed humorless. "Truly, I do. You are strong."

Tae didn't feel the least bit strong, however, having someone like Jeongguk acknowledge that made a spark of new resolve surge in him.

"You're not going to thank me, are you?" Jeongguk teased.

"If you know why are you asking?"

The emperor laughed through his nose, shaking his head.

"I'm glad you are coming with us."

"You shouldn't be."

"Perhaps. But I still am."

Jeongguk waited for Tae to answer, however the boy remained with his head down, playing with the beads on his garment, until he left.

Jimin came back soon after, when they were beginning to raise camp. He looked flustered, red cheeks and hair messed.

"Where were you?" Taehyung questioned, scanning his less than perfect appearance.

"Me?" He asked, brushing his dark locks "I went to take a walk, explore..."

"You nearly got left behind."

"Yes, I know. I lost track of time. Are you ready to leave?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Tae hushed.

His few things weren't difficult to pack for the travel. Some of the soldiers stayed behind, to keep control of the land. Taehyung hated the fact that they got to lead their lives there, on his grounds, while he had to go.

The journey was long and slow, made difficult by the chain of mountains that had kept Tae safe for so long. By the end of the day they had only reached the top of the smaller one. As the sun was downing, Jeongguk called it a day, setting camp again. Taehyung sat distant from the rest, observing the colorful sky. At least the view was stunning. He thought about the first time he had got to the top to watch the sunrise with Namjoon. He had gone there more and more later with the priests. They should be getting buried. There was no way he could know for sure, the only thing he had was Jeongguk's less than trustworthy word. Still he closed his eyes making a silent prayer for them, and, for a moment, Taehyung could almost feel Namjoon's warm touch again.

"How's your leg?" Another body appeared next to him, sitting down as well.

Taehyung turned his head to look at Jimin with furrowed brows.

"Jeongguk mentioned you were hurt. He asked me to certify you were fine and that you changed the bandages."

Taehyung snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Did he now?"

"Why this tone?" He inquired, bringing his knees to his chest.

"I cannot stand his acting that's all."

"He is not acting," Jimin threw his head back, tired, "he is a good man."

"Do you have feelings for him?" Tae shot at the other boy watching his shocked expression analytically.

"I-I... Of course not!" Jimin looked away, shaking his head, "But he is a good friend of mine and I owe him a lot."

"You owe him?" Taehyung raised a brow. He wasn't sure if Jimin was too nice or too stupid. "He is not a savior, Jimin. If anything, this man brings destruction..."

"Taehyung! Stop this now." He hissed, placing a firm hand over his arm. "You know nothing of what you are talking about. You barely know him at all."

"I have seen enough." Taehyung pulled his arm away from his touch. Jimin looked at him sad.

"If that is what you think then you are not the type of person I took you for. I feel sorry for you."

Taehyung crinkled his face, turning away. Jimin sighed, standing up and leaving him alone as he wanted to be. Taehyung's eyes followed him to the midst of the high command. How predictable.

"Go, go kiss your emperor's feet." He mumbled to himself with contempt, watching the group.

Suddenly something snapped inside him. The rest of his people, what was made of them? The ones that weren't so lucky to be treated like actual human beings. He didn't even know who had survived. Taehyung had been so engrossed in his own pain, he forgot about the ones who were as much of victims as him. Namjoon wouldn't. Namjoon always had a gift for worrying about others, considering the bigger picture, the feelings of their people. That was one of the things that made him such a great leader, even better than their father, whenever they needed him to be one.

Tae got on his feet, his knee complaining about the weight. He wandered around the improvised camp, searching for the slaves. Slave. What a horrible word. That was what they were turned into, slaves, properties of someone else, objects. It made his stomach churn with disgust. It wasn't hard to find them, chains binding their pulses and hands together. What was the need? It's not like they were in any condition to fight anyway. But that was what men of power did; they liked to exert that condition over others. He walked closer cautiously, a few heads turning when he approached, whispering to each other.

"Taehyung?"

Tae turned around immediately, relief filling him upon seeing that cherished smile.

"Hoseok!" He threw his arms around the other boy's neck, a dozen emotions swaying him. Hoseok couldn't hold him back though. Taehyung let go of him, staring at the cuffs.

"It's fine." He said when he noticed Tae's gaze.

Taehyung smiled weakly at him.
Even at such circumstances Hoseok remained the good friend he was, wanting to spare Taehyung from the harsh reality.

"No, it's not." Tae shook his head. "None of this is fine. What they did to us, to you..."

"What happened to you, Tae?" He inquired grave, "I have been hearing all sorts of rumors."

Taehyung glanced around feeling the curious glares on them.

"Let's walk a bit... We need to talk."

"I cannot." He sighed, raising his restrained pulses up. "At least not until we get to Jinse."

"I will find a way." Taehyung took his hands. "Are you hurt? Do you need anything?"

"No. I am more worried about you actually... Namjoon?"

Taehyung looked down, shaking his head. Water welled up on his eyes. He could hear Hoseok sniff too, swallowing his cry.

"I am very sorry, Tae." Hoseok hushed, squeezing his cold hands. Tears threatened to fall from his bloodshot eyes too. "Namjoon... There are no words that could do justice..."

"He died fighting for me." Taehyung managed to say despite the lump that closed his throat. He breathed in several times, closing his eyes for a moment. "Yours?"

"My sister is fine. But I haven't heard anything about my parents yet, we were separated during the confusion."

"Hyung..." Taehyung started sorrowful, but was interrupted.

"I have hope that they are safe."

"I will see if I can find anything. And I will come back to talk to you, just wait."

"Alright." He nodded.

Taehyung smiled one last time at him before letting go of his hands. Hoseok had been part of his life since they were kids, their families being so close. He lived near, which meant most of Tae's childhood memories involved the three playing together. Somehow, despite all of their differences he felt as if he still had something of Namjoon left in him. Or maybe he was simply desperate to hold on to his brother, grasping at straws.

As much as it irritated him, he knew there was only one way he would get to speak to Hoseok in private. Taehyung marched to the middle of the camp, where the bigger tents laid. Where Jeongguk was.

Chapter 6

The young ruler sat by a cozy fire with some other men, eating while Hoseok and the rest of Taehyung's people were restrained and undernourished. Some of them chatted, but Jeongguk just laughed faintly, remaining quiet. When he saw the approaching figure, his smile changed a bit, interest piqued. Jimin checked what he was watching, getting surprised upon seeing Tae.

"I wish to speak to you," he announced, staring directly at Jeongguk, interrupting a loud man that glared at him.

"Yah! I was telling a story, impolite child! Who is this?"

"It's Taehyung." Jeongguk answered still fixated on him. His eyes gained new glimmer against the fire, the flames seeming to dance inside them. It disconcerted Taehyung.

"Can we speak?" He insisted.

"Speak." Jeongguk comanded calmly, looking down to take his chalice.

"On private." Taehyung hoped to sound stern. He clenched his fists, annoyance growing.

Jimin raised a brow at him, snarky, but Tae ignored his judgement.

"Please," he mumbled though his teeth.

Jeongguk looked up again, studying his face. If he thought Taehyung was gonna beg or ask again he was damn wrong.

"Alright." He stood up suddenly, with a slight nod. All the eyes turned to follow their emperor as he followed Taehyung.

Tae distanced from the others, not feeling comfortable in their presence. He crossed his arms, protecting himself from the chilly air of the higher altitudes. Jeongguk came closely behind him.

"Are you cold?" He asked, frowning at Tae's hunched body.

"I need a favor."

Jeongguk tilted his head, eyes becoming inquisitive, even ironical. Taehyung never had desired so much to hit someone.

"I thought you didn't want anything from me."

"Sadly this is something I think only you can give me."

"What is it?"

"Give me a moment to speak to my friend."

"What?" Jeongguk blinked, surprised at the simple request.

"In case you have forgotten already, Jeon Jeongguk, you have the remaining of my people chained up, prisoners. I went to speak to a dear friend, but I can't because he is cuffed."

Taehyung closed his fist even tighter, nails digging at the skin. It was dark, but he still made an effort to sustain Jeongguk's gaze.

"It is the least you can do for me," he pressed.

Jeongguk nodded, finally looking away.

"Alright. I can give you a few minutes. Is it enough?"

Tae widened his eyes shocked by how easy it was.

"Yes."

"Take me to where he is then." He reached his hand out.

Taehyung led the way for possibly the most powerful man in his land. He didn't expect Jungkook to agree so fast. Maybe he did have a case of heavy conscience.

Every head shot up upon his presence, excited hushes buzzing on the air. Hoseok stared at Taehyung at loss, his eyes urgent. Tae offered him a hand to get up. He exchanged a look with Jeongguk, who called the soldiers that were keeping guard. He whispered something Tae couldn't fathom, to which they agreed. Next thing he knew they were uncuffing Hoseok.

"You have five minutes. Make good use." His eyes darted from one to the other.

Taehyung nodded, uneasy. Jeongguk stalled a moment more before turning to leave. Taehyung observed him go, intrigued.

"Tae?" Hoseok touched his arm lightly, calling his attention back, "What was this about?"

Taehyung thinned his lips.

"Come with me."

He took Hoseok a few meters away from the crowd, where they couldn't be eavesdropped on.

The guards had their eyes glued on them, attentive to every out of the ordinary movement. What did they think Hoseok was gonna do? Those weren't exactly the best conditions to run.

"I heard Jeongguk had taken you... So it is true?" Hoseok muttered agitated.

"He gave me a better status, or something..." Tae scratched his head, "Be part of his court, I'm not sure."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing," Taehyung said defensive, "he is strange, I don't know what goes on in his head."

"Well, he did do what you asked."

"Only because he feels guilty."

"It did not prevent him from chaining the rest of us."

"He should have chained me," Taehyung whispered.

"What?"

"I have a plan, hyung," he continued, body tensing, "I have a chance to get close to him now."

"Why would you- Tae... You are not considering..."

Taehyung nodded, an obstinate sparkle in his eyes.

"I will kill him."

Hoseok looked all around anxious, scared even of the wind that passed by them.

"Taehyung, that's insane!" He hissed, "You cannot... That is impossible."

"It is not!"

"Look at you! He can crush you like it's nothing."

"I just need him to lower his defenses so I can attack."

"You make it sound so simple."

"Maybe not simple, but it is the best chance we have." Taehyung raised an arm, running his fingers through his hair, struggling to contain himself.

"Best chance at what, Tae?" Hoseok's brows went up, arms folded, "You think they will just let us go? That this will change anything? 'Oh here have your land and everything we stole back, we are very sorry'? You get rid of a tyrant, another one comes."

"We do not know that." Taehyung shook his head, pouting. "What I know is that there is a chance to end this horror, to make sure no one has to lose their lives at the hands of Jeongguk anymore. This is what the gods want, I am sure!"

"You really think so?" Hoseok side eyed him, uncertain.

"I can feel it." Taehyung placed a hand over his beating heart. "This is why I lived, it's what I am supposed to do."

The elder's leg shook, as he considered Tae's words.

"This is a dangerous game you're playing..."

"He started it the moment he came for us." Taehyung fended, "He sealed his fate, hyung, I am simply a tool. You have seen what he did to us, how much he took! No man can walk like a god, he must face his trial."

Hoseok chewed on his lip nervously.

"Taehyung, do you really believe you can..." Hoseok glanced around anxious, making sure yet again there was no one near. Still he lowered his voice even more "Kill Jeongguk?"

Taehyung gulped, his eyes somber like Hoseok had never seen.

"Or I'll die trying."

The guards began approaching and Taehyung and Hoseok immediately shushed, letting the secret die there. Before they could take his friend away again Taehyung embraced him, Hoseok finally able to reciprocate it.

"Be careful," he whispered by Tae's ear, holding him tight.

"You too."

The guards pulled at him, cutting the contact. They cuffed Hoseok again and dragged him back to the mass of prisoners as he and Taehyung held a last look that shared their grief and sorrow.

Taehyung walked slowly back to the tents, a mix of feelings storming in his chest. It had been a long time since he felt so out of balance. Though it had been warming seeing Hoseok, being reconnected to his roots, it also made things much more real and a lot heavier to bare. It went way beyond Taehyung, all of his kin were ripped apart and stripped of their dearest things. All those lives, those families, they counted on him to bring justice, peace. Suddenly it got harder to breathe.

The tent was empty, Jimin not back yet. It became even colder, the wind howled ominous outside. Taehyung went to his bed, curling up to warm himself. He hadn't noticed how exhausted and sore he actually was. Too much occupied his mind at once, the necessity of survival and the emotional distress shadowed the physical one. How much more time of travel did they have left? Would Taehyung even make it to Jinse like that?

He heard movement behind him, turning his head a bit to see Jimin come in, carrying a small blanket of fur in his arms. He came closer to toss the thick fabric over Taehyung's drained body. The boy inclined his head up, looking at him confused, but Jimin didn't say anything. Tae quickly unfolded it, pulling it over himself.

"Thank you." He uttered to Jimin who was out of his line of sight.

"It is not me you should be thanking."

Taehyung raised his torso up, leaning on his elbow.

"Then who?"

"You know who." Jimin replied, glaring at him as he took his jewelry off. Taehyung felt his blood boil.

"Who asked him?"

"He thought you might be cold."

Taehyung started pulling the blanket away. Jimin huffed.

"Think about yourself, Taehyung. It is just a blanket and you need it. Unless you want to get sick."

Jimin twisted his body in order to give him a reprehending look. Tae sighed crossed. As much as he truly didn't want to accept any of Jeongguk's aid he was right, Taehyung was cold and he did need the blanket. It was almost thoughtful, kind. However, he knew, of course, someone as cold blooded as Jeongguk wasn't capable of such thing.

He laid down again, wrapping himself in the comfortable cover. To his dismay it held a strong scent he imagined to be Jeongguk's that he found horribly delicious. Taehyung hated him even more.

Chapter 7

The next day they continued the complicated journey, going down the mountain. Taehyung felt an ounce of excitement flourishing in his chest as they strayed further from his known grounds. Few people outside of merchants had ventured beyond the mountains, into the savagery. Despite the fear that had become his constant companion he couldn't avoid a sting of curiosity too. He had heard from the travelers about the many cities and villages that awaited ahead, Jinse being the most spectacular one. It hadn't always been though. Not until Jeongguk took over it at least, like he had taken everything else, and started turning it into the mythic place Taehyung fantasized about. The stories mixed, made up more of imagination than fact, he was aware. From the grand festivals and buildings made of pure gold, to gruesome tales of bodies decorating the streets and baths of blood, even the absurd that you could see three moons there. In the end the city remained mysterious and intriguing didn't matter what you chose to believe. To see it for himself, though, he would first have to make it. The journey was a lot more exhausting than he had imagined, his already bad shape worsening.

"Tired already?" a man joined him. Taehyung recognized him as the chatty one, the one he had interrupted at the bonfire.

"It becomes hard to walk after you have been beaten."

"Yes, you have been through a lot, haven't you?" He smiled with compassion but it didn't reach his eyes. Tae refrained from answering.

"It's rare for someone to not surrender to Jeongguk, especially when he offers such a good deal. That was very..." He trailed off, pensive.

"Brave?" Taehyung suggested.

"I was going to say stupid, but sure, that too. Tell me, Taehyung, what did you do to get our Jeonggukie's attention?" His tone was inoffensive, even sweet, but Tae noticed how cold he actually was behind it.

"I don't know, ask him."

"Aren't you humble?" He chuckled, shaking his head. "I heard he even gave you time with another prisoner, what a privilege."

Taehyung had no idea what the man was hoping to squeeze out of him, but he was focused on his own plans, no interest in getting involved with pettiness.

"I am Seokjin, by the way. If you ever need any help, or someone to talk to..."

"I won't, thank you." Taehyung cut him, walking faster.

He didn't like the way Seokjin looked at him, calculating. Or maybe Taehyung was becoming paranoid. However, later in the day when they took a moment to rest and he saw both him and Min Yoongi whispering to each other with serious faces something told him he was not.

"Drink." Jeongguk came up to his side, distracting him. He offered a flask.

"No."

"Would you rather die than take something as simple as water from me?

"I don't want your pity."

"But you do want to live, correct? So drink, you need it."

Taehyung side eyed him, but took the flask abruptly, pouring it down his dry throat, a few droplets of water going down his sunkissed skin. Jeongguk seemed satisfied to his dismay. Tae wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, pushing the container back to him.

"Better?" He asked, drinking too.

Taehyung nodded, looking away. His eyes met Seokjin who observed them from the same place with Yoongi.

"That man..." Taehyung indicated with his chin. Jeongguk turned his head to see who he was referring to.

"Seokjin?" He furrowed his brows, looking back at Tae.

"Yes, is he one of yours?"

"Do you mean if he is a Kogang too? No. He was part of the first tribes, as soon as we were unified by my father."

"And Min?"

"I have known him since the dawn of my life. Why the curiosity?"

"No reason." Tae shook his head, trying to push away his worries. He recalled something. "Seokjin says we were one of the few that did not accept your dominion. Is it true?"

Jeongguk smirked, nodding.

"Yes. Most of the people we conquer choose to bow sooner or later. Sahwas, Jimin's people, didn't even try to resist. They welcomed us with open arms, ready to celebrate me as their emperor."

"Sounds like Jimin." Taehyung rolled his eyes, reminded of their conversation.

"And you are like your people." Jeongguk noted with a charmed grin.

Taehyung widened his eyes surprised, a smile creeping on his lips.

"I am?"

"Obstinate, strong, bold... You know what you believe in, Taehyung, how you see the world, and you fight for it. It's admirable, albeit dangerous."

"Then you should have spared us."

"I couldn't." He gulped, avoiding his glare. "If I did I would be showing weakness and then my people would face the consequences."

"Mercy is not weakness."

"I don't think so either. But going back on your word makes you appear vulnerable, it turns your pillars into sand and no kingdom can stand like that. I don't expect you to understand, but-"

"No, I do. I understand, but it does not change what you did and how horrible it was."

"We all do things we wish we didn't have to do."

"But you do not regret it, do you?" Tae inquired bitterly, knowing the answer.

"I don't regret any of my decisions. I do wish, though, that no more blood spill had been necessary."

"That is not enough." Taehyung thinned his lips, head going down.

The tingling feel of fingers against his skin startled him. He pulled away, his eyes darting up, narrowed in fury at Jeongguk who still had his hand in the air.

"What are you-"

"May I?" He asked, indicating his wrists. Taehyung had his arms crossed protectively.

"Why?"

"Your marks..." He muttered under his breath.

Unconsciously, Tae looked down to the bruises, a reminder of the cuffs that had been there. Reluctant, but intrigued, he unfolded his arms, cautiously offering them. Only the tips of Jeongguk's long fingers grazed him, holding the limb carefully. He placed one over it, tracing the mark. Despite being delicate, his touch scared Taehyung for reasons he could not comprehend

"I can not say that I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm not foolish to expect you to forgive me, or to have the audacity to even ask you to..." the words were hushed as Jeongguk remained fixated on the injuries. Then he looked up, finding Tae's gaze. "But I do hope you believe me when I say I wish no harm had come to you, Kim Taehyung."

Sincerity tinged his onyx eyes, unsettling Taehyung, who released himself from Jeongguk's grip as quick as he could. He didn't know how to respond. The emperor cleared his throat.

"We should keep moving."

"Yes, we should."

They exchanged a last glance before Jeongguk turned around, leaving him behind.

Their seemingly endless walk restarted. His skin burned under the harsh sun, even the blood in his veins seeming to boil. The ground under his feet became harder with every exhausted step.

After hours it was finally dark again, signalizing it was permitted for them to stop. Taehyung sat alone, hugging his knees. Jimin took him a plate of food, certifying that he was eating properly. He hid a loaf of bread for when he went to visit Hoseok later.

If Tae was in rags, Hoseok managed to look even worse. Tae kneeled by him, sparing his friend from the effort of having to stand, discretely passing him the food. However Hoseok didn't take it, instead he pleaded for Tae to find his sister, saying he would prefer her to have it. Taehyung convinced him to take some, promising to go to Dawon. She was chained a bit further down, curled on the soil pitifully.

"Noona?" He called softly, coming closer. She raised her head, turning it to face him.

"Taehyungie?" Her face illuminated, "Is it really you?"

"Yes," he smiled, crouching next to her, "And I brought something."

He moved his cape a bit, revealing the loaf. Ecstasy painted her features, as she looked from him to the bread.

"Hoseok asked me to bring it to you."

"How is Hobi? Is he alright?" She asked nervous. Taehyung faked calm the best he could.

"He is fine. Worried about you, that's all."

Dawon didn't seem convinced, but nodded. It's what they all needed to believe. She stretched her restrained hands to take the piece of bread from Tae. He stared at her tattooed and injured wrists, much like his own. It could have been him, those cuffs could still be around him. They should be. Their fingers brushed each other's, Dawon collecting hers back fast. Taehyung didn't understand what happened, looking at her suspicious eyes.

"What is it? Did you see something?"

"You are in the snakes lair, Taehyung, aren't you?" She stared at him hard, drilling into his soul. He bit his bottom lip.

"Noona... I am where I must be. I will speak to you about it soon."

"Be careful, Taehyung," she warned, "you are meddling with things beyond your understanding."

Tae gulped, every muscle stiffening.

"I will." He said, standing back up. She moved her stare from him, eyes unfocused. "I better go."

"Thank you." She smiled at him, munching on the scraps.

Tae went back to his tent, rubbing the spot where Jeongguk had touched him earlier. What did Dawon mean? He never liked when she got distant like that.The priests taught him about the importance of the oracles, but Taehyung always preferred to keep his distance from them, the future being a secret he preferred to keep unknown. He was probably the only one to pity the seers for the heavy burden they had to carry. Memories of the day Dawon went to live in a temple with the rest of the apprentices, how celebrated it was, were vivid. Hoseok's family was so proud, an oracle! Just like his father had been happy to push Taehyung into priesthood since he was so young. A chill ran down his spine. But he had nothing to fear. He was smarter than those people, he was being cautious.

That night his dreams were once more populated by warns, threats and violence that he couldn't prevent. It didn't matter what he did, every night Taehyung had to watch them die again.

"Taehyung! Taehyung!" Someone shook him aggressively.

Taehyung forced himself out of his own mind, sitting up gasping for the air that had escaped him. Tears flowed from his eyes as he looked around the tent terrified.

"Ji-Jimin?"

"I'm here." Jimin rubbed his back soothingly. "You are safe."

He hesitated for a moment before coming closer, wrapping his arms around the vulnerable Taehyung, that did not fight. Instead he clung to Jimin's tunic, crying silently.

"It was just a dream." Jimin murmured, trying to calm him down.

That only made Taehyung sob harder, the noise muffled by the embrace. If only those were dreams.

Chapter 8

It took a few grueling days of traveling until their arrival to Jinse. They went over the last hills, Taehyung's body threatening to fail, when he was finally rewarded, all the pain lifted for a blissful moment. At last after the hardships he could see the outlines of the city, behind tall stone walls. But even it's grandiosity was eclipsed by the immensity of blue beyond it. His breath was taken, exhaled in an enchanted sigh. Waves broke violently against the shore and Taehyung thought if there could ever be harmony in the universe, the beauty in destruction, that would be it.

"First time?" Seokjin questioned, his high horse passing next to Tae's ecstatic self. The boy only nodded, too mesmerized to speak.

So that was the sea.

The mood among the legion was uplifted the moment the gates were in sight, cheers echoing around him. Jeongguk rode his pale horse, presiding over the thousands of men. A group of soldiers accompanied him, the highest ranked ones, Tae presumed, Min among them. He imagined the two were probably close. It was not great, then, that Min looked at him with scorning eyes.

The fortified walls went far out of his view, contouring the vast territory. Horns were blown, startling Tae, when they came upon the gates that were beginning to move, cracking open to reveal the first traces of the city.

People ran out of their houses, gathering on the streets to see them pass, shouting and commemorating the return. Jeongguk waved at them proudly. Everywhere they passed there were subjects excited to welcome their sovereign back. The soldiers began to disperse, going to the embrace of their loved ones, what they had deprived Taehyung from ever being able to do again.

As they went deeper into the city the houses became richer and richer, the people that awaited them, well dressed. The streets were busy, normal commerce mixed to the festiveness. All of the population seemed to be out, celebrating, the bright sun matching their spirits.

When a set of stunning buildings, flowers, gold, color and the largest agglomeration up until then came to his sight, Tae thought they must have reached the heart of the city. Nothing did it justice. None of the accountings he had heard of that place came close to the palpitations that rushed over Taehyung, his mind buzzing overstimulated. He spun around, trying to take everything in at once. It pulsated with life he had never seen quite like before.

The procession halted at a center square in front of the walls of the palace. Though it seemed spacious, the area was rapidly filled, waves of people washing over. A line of soldiers awaited by the entrance, guarding a long set of stairs.

Jeongguk got off his horse, jumping to the ground with ability. The noise intensified as he went up the steps lonely. When he reached the last one, the man turned around to face the crowd, victorious aura around him and elevated posture. Horns sounded again and silence fell.

It took a moment for Taehyung to understand what was happening. All those in his surroundings fell to their knees, like one body. He looked around, not a single person standing, except for him, as far as the eye could see. But Taehyung wouldn't bow.

"People of Jinse!" He called smiling pleased, "We won again!"

An eruption of cheers echoed, revolting Taehyung. Those people had no idea what winning meant. Or maybe they did, they just did not care. Jeongguk simply raised his hand, making them to shush again.

"We have brought many riches back, to make our city an even better place, to share with you! Let the celebrations begin!"

Then the people truly went mad. Taehyung was pushed around as the masses grew agitated like a river cureent. He was overwhelmed at the their numbers, the deafening noise, the feeling of other bodies brushing against his. Someone touched his arm. Tae turned, finding Jimin to his relief.

"Come with me!" He shouted, signalizing the way.

Taehyung let himself be conducted through the crowd, trusting Jimin would know where to go. They countered the palace, coming to a side entrance that was heavily guarded. Jimin only smiled at the tall men, that nodded recognizingly, before stepping away to allow the two in.

Taehyung couldn't stop himself from gaping at the decorated hallway they entered. Delicate vases and refined tapestry adorned the thick stone walls. But there was no time to admire it, as his guide kept on the fast pace. The path led up large room, ocupied by chairs and sofas, probably for gatherings, he guessed. Strangely, Jeongguk didn't come across as someone who was particularly fond of social activities.

Taehyung held Jimin's wrist gently, making the other stop. He looked from his hand to his eyes, confused. Tae made an effort to smile.

"Thank you for taking me out of there."

"It's fine." He grinned, placing his hand over Taehyung's, "I figured it would be too much, specially for you."

"Is it always like this when they come back?"

"When they win, so most of the time, yes. Jeongguk orders for celebrations and feasts to be thrown, the people get quite excited."

"I see." He shifted the weight on his feet, studying the exquisite room. "So this is Jeongguk's home?"

"And mine. And yours now, I believe."

Taehyung darted his gaze back to him, widening his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"You can live here, Taehyung, if you wish, of course."

"What?" He questioned astonished, "I can? Jeongguk invited me?"

"I asked him to."

"Oh..."

"I thought this would be the best place for you and he said it was fine. Seokjin did offer his home, though, if you prefer."

"No." Taehyung shook his head quickly. "I would rather stay here, thank you."

"No problem. I do want you to feel home here."

Tae nodded, pursing his lips, sure that it would be impossible. Nevertheless he appreciated Jimin's kindness.

"Where are my chambers?" He asked sheepish, wondering if he could have one with an ocean view. "Or am I sharing one with you?"

"Jeongguk will pick a bedroom for you."

"He even chooses my room?" Tae pouted.

"This is his home, Taehyung." Jimin was stern, but he flashed a smile.

Tae shrunk. What did he expect? He was under Jeongguk's rule now.

"Yes, of course."

"Jimin...?" Yoongi appeared at the other end, coming from a different hallway. Jimin fixed his posture immediately.

"Yes?"

"Hello, Taehyung." He narrowed his eyes at the exhausted boy.

"Hello."

The two stared down at each other for a brief moment, too short for anything to be thought of it, but enough for Taehyung to feel that Min Yoongi didn't want him there.

"Jimin, I need some help, please. Can you come with me?"

Jimin looked from one to the other at loss, but agreed.

"Wait here, please, Taehyung-ssi. I shall be back soon."

Taehyung only hummed, too tired to protest. He twirled on his heels, observing the room again, taking his time to appreciate every gorgeous detail. However he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that came from being in that place. They must have gone quite far into the palace as it was quiet there, the outside euphoria just a buzz. But was his mind playing tricks on him or Tae could really distinguish the sound of the waves breaking? He wondered if he was right and the sea was where he thought or if his sense of direction had gotten confused on the walk there. There was only one way to find out.

Taehyung didn't feel the least bit ashamed for exploring Jeongguk's home since the emperor had done it first with his. Despite the sore muscles, he was far too intrigued with this new land to sit around and wait while Jimin was nowhere to be found. The entirety of the palace was decorated with art, to his surprise. It matched in nothing the stories of savagery he had heard for so long. Tae wandered around the corridors, not certain of his steps but as the noise grew louder, calling, he knew he was in the right direction.

He turned a last corner, coming out in a large balcony that towered over the cliff. The sea roared to him below, bringing a childish smile to his lips. Tae went closer, fear and thrill mixing inside as he tiptoed carefully to the edge. He leaned forward, breathing in the salty scent. Taehyung had read a lot about it, but, as Jeongguk had so fiercely told him, words can only offer so much. They couldn't reproduce that smell, the noise, the way the waves broke against the rock, the pure white of the foam or the blinding reflection of the sun over the water. They could never bring his heart to beat the way it was.

"Do you like the view?"

Tae nearly fell over, clinging to the balcony. He looked back, glaring annoyed at the owner of that voice. Jeongguk merely grinned, approaching. Taehyung ignored him, far more interested in the force in front of him than on the one by his side.

Jeongguk leaned over the porch next to him, observing the movement of the water as well.

"When I first came to Jinse, many years ago, I knew this was the place where I belonged. It's not the land that birthed me, but it is the one that makes my heart beat."

Taehyung looked at him confused, but Jeongguk was lost in the view and the memories.

"Seeing this... It was seeing the world for the first time, contemplating beauty and life."

"Why are you telling me this?" Taehyung's brows were furrowed.

The emperor tilted his head to stare at him, blinking awake.

"I don't know... It simply came to mind and I wanted to tell you."

Tae moved his eyes back to scenery.

"It is quite magical," he murmured, more to himself than Jeongguk.

"How did you end up here?"

Tae shrugged.

"I just kept on walking, searching for it."

"I thought you would be at your chambers after the long journey."

Taehyung bit his lip.

"I have not seen them yet. Jimin had to help Yoongi. He asked me to wait, but I..."

"You decided to wander around."

"I did, yes." He confirmed unfazed.

Jeongguk chuckled.

"I'll take that you are adjusting to this place fine, then."

"I adapt as necessary." He sighed, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

"I can take you to your bedroom if you'd like." Jeongguk offered.

Taehyung would like to stay more there, however his exhaustion spoke louder and he agreed, letting Jeongguk show him the way. The two walked in silence. It wasn't actually too far from the balcony, still, it did not hold the privileged view Taehyung had desired.

"How do you like it?" Jeongguk asked, standing by the door.

Tae analyzed it, sitting over the large bed.

"Not bad for a prisoner."

"You are not a prisoner, Taehyung," the other protested.

But he was. In ways Jeongguk could not even imagine.

"I will ask one of the servants to come to your aid. If you need anything simply ask."

"Alright."

"And Taehyung," he turned around, cleaning his throat, "I feel bad inviting, but your presence would be appreciated in the feast tonight."

"No."

"It is not what you think..."

"Isn't it a celebration of your domain over my people?"

"It is a celebration of prosperity."

"At our cost. I want nothing to do with that."

Jeongguk thinned his lips, nodding defeated.

"I understand."

At that he left Taehyung alone again. How did he dare to make such indecent proposal? Yes, Tae had to get closer to him to accomplish his mission, but not like that, not by spitting on the memory of his family.

As Jeongguk promised, a servant came to take care of him. After eating and a much needed bath, Tae let himself be swallowed by the covers, relaxing. It felt wrong, but he was too tired to argue with himself.

The sun had already gone down when Taehyung was awakened again by horrid nightmares, screams suffocated on his throat. He struggled to normalize his breathing, fisting the fine silk that involved him. Droplets of sweat wet his hair, making it stick to his forehead. He rubbed his eyes, desperate to erase those images. Would he ever be able to have a decent night of sleep again? He did not believe so. The last thing he wanted was to go back inside his dreams, so Tae decided to get up, pacing around.

He was hungry again, days of not eating properly seeming to have piled up. How late was it? He could hear faint noise in the distance so he assumed not too late. Taehyung was a ghost lurking in the palace, the sounds luring him. Light escaped through ajar wooden doors. He hid behind them, peaking at the grand party that went on. A considerable number of people seemed far too taken by alcohol, their loudness mixed with the music. The delicious smell of food was in the air, his mouth watering.

Seokjin was easy to spot as he seemed to rise above the rest, his large built prevailing over the others elegantly. He discoursed obnoxiously to whoever had the patience to hear it. Taehyung couldn't deny, though, how beautiful he looked. To his disappointment he also found Jimin there, decorated and giggly, surrounded by a group that seemed to be drunk in his presence only. Why was he not surprised to see Min among them? But not Jeongguk.

No, Jeongguk remained on his throne, self-important, sipping his wine and listening to some other men. Probably his own group of flatterers. He was insane if he expected Taehyung to be one of them. The fire of the torches reflected on the gold that covered him. Cover, though, was the wrong word, as his bare skin was very exposed underneath the jewelry. Taehyung forced his eyes away. He was glad he hadn't gone to that vanity fair. It was disgusting. He had completely lost the appetite.

Tae looked for refuge on the sea again, wishing for some peace before going back to bed. He gazed at the glowing bodies over his head. As he predicted, just one moon. At least the sky remained the same.

Chapter 9

Taehyung didn't want to get up early the next day, still recovering from the torturous travel, but a knock on the door frustrated his plans. Jimin stood on the other side, hands behind his back. Taehyung raised a brow.

"Yes?"

"Good morning." He smiled, puffy eyes disappearing in the form of crescents. "Can I come in?"

Taehyung didn't smile back. Nonetheless, he stepped away, letting the other pass. He stood by the door, folded arms, waiting for Jimin to talk.

"I came to see how you were. Yesterday a lot was happening. I'm sorry I abandoned you for Yoongi..."

"Jimin, stop." Taehyung demanded dryly.

Jimin's eyes grew wide, his lips in a pout, mid sentence.

"I'm sorry?"

"Thank you for convincing Jeongguk to let me stay in the palace, but it's fine now, you can stop pretending."

"Pretending?" He asked with a clueless frown. Taehyung was sick of the act.

"You were there last night. You were celebrating with him! Celebrating all that killing!"

"Taehyung, please, it is not..."

"You comforted me! You let me cry with you over a grief that suffocates me, a grief caused by him, by all of them, and I thought you were considerate and... And that you cared, but clearly I was wrong!"

"Stop this. I do want your well being, Taehyung, but Jeongguk is my friend and, frankly, the celebration is not about you. It is about a people that suffered mistreatment and oppression for centuries commemorating their thrive."

"Their thrive is our death!"

"I understand why you feel like that, but no one here wants to harm you. After everything Jeongguk has been doing for you, I expected you to have more considerarion. Yet you still seem to think so low of him, as if he is heartless. I understand you are hurt, but..."

"You don't understand a thing!" Taehyung blew up, tears welling up on his eyes, "You have no idea what I had to face! Your people spread their legs for Jeongguk when he came and that is what you have been doing ever since!"

Taehyung was shut by a slap. He gasped, taking his trembling hands to touch his cheek, unable to believe what had happened. Jimin seemed just as shocked at himself, looking from his red palm to Taehyung's appaled expression.

"Jimin, what-"

"Never say that again!" His chin quivered, as he tried to hold his ground, index finger up, "You are not the only one with scars, Taehyung, stop acting as such! You know nothing about me."

Jimin left with tears on his eyes, hard steps full of an anger Tae had never imagined seeing on someone like him.

Taehyung dropped down on the bed still rubbing his burning cheek. He had gone too far. What he said was incredibly rude and insensitive. Jimin was right, he and Tae had only just met, who was Taehyung to point fingers and throw accusations his way? When did he become so self centered and bitter? He had heard a hint of his story and thought himself to be in the position to judge. Shame dominated him. Jimin had been nothing but kind and, yes, they didn't see eye to eye, but still... That was no way to speak to him.

He was absorbed in his thoughts and self criticism, trying to find a good way to apologize, when there was another knock, a bit stronger. Tae ran to the door hopeful.

"Jimin, I am so-"

"What did you say to Jimin?"

Instead of the short figure Taehyung had expected, the image of an upset Jeongguk stared back at him. Oh no.
Taehyung gulped, cracking under his fierce gaze. Had Jimin already go running to him?

"W-What?"

"I asked you a question, Taehyung," he stepped into the room, forcing Tae back. Jeongguk had never been this intimidating, "What did you say to my friend Jimin?"

"We had an argument." He fended, faking serenity the best he could.

"Jimin barely shares his feelings to me, I have never seen him argue with anyone. Not to the point that gets him crying."

Taehyung folded his arms, looking away with what he hoped was an ubothered face.

"That was what happened. We argued, it happens, Jeongguk, you may go ask your lover if you don't believe me."

Jeongguk took Taehyung's wrist, the gentleness shown up until that point gone, bringing them face to face.

"Stop playing games with me, Kim Taehyung."

Taehyung's eyes were wide looking right into Jeongguk's anxious ones. His blood pumped harder.

"Let me go." He demanded.

Jeongguk loosened his grip, freeing Tae, who stepped back immediately, massaging the spot.

"I'm sorry." He murmured, looking down, "I am so worried. I don't think I have ever seen Jimin like that since... Since long ago."

"Well, since you asked so nicely..." Taehyung breathed in, easing himself, "I offended him. I was angry because he decided to go to your celebration."

"You were there?" Jeongguk's brows furrowed.

"Only for a moment to take a look. Nice garment, by the way."

"Taehyung." He warned impatient, but Tae could have sworn he saw the quick shadow of a grin in his eyes.

"Jimin has been a support to me in dealing with... Some problems."

"What kind of problems?"

"The kind that do not concern you. And I considerend him being there as a betrayal of sorts."

"That is ridiculous."

"Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?" Taehyung glared at him.

"Sorry." He muttered, thinning his lips

"He came to see me today, I was upset and we had a discussion."

"A discussion?"

"A mild one." He avoided Jeongguk's questioning stare. "And things escalated a bit when I... When I insinuated that he and his people were whores."

There was a moment of silence when Taehyung didn't dare to look up.

"You did what?" The emperor's tone was dangerously slow.

"Then he slapped me and left. That's it."

Taehyung breathed in, peeking at his expression. Jeongguk faced down too, gripping the bridge of his nose.

"Taehyung, why... Why would you say such vicious thing? Specially to someone as kind as Jimin?"

That annoyed Taehyung. Yes, Jimin was nice, but he was no saint. He slapped him, after all.

"As I said, I was upset. I regret it now. I did not think he would be that hurt."

"The world is really so simple to you, isn't it?" Jeongguk scowled.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you the only one with a past? Are you the only one who has to live with sorrow?"

"Well, no! But I did not-"

"Jimin was a prostitute, Taehyung." Jeongguk admitted through clenched teeth. It was another slap.

Taehyung lost his voice, mouth remaining open.

"Uh?"

"Yes, you know part of the story. The Sahwas were one of the first people I conquered on my own. And yes, it was pathetic, they didn't show any resistance at all. But I understood their choice, there were no losses, no deaths...They had a welcome feast for me and said they had a 'present' to offer, one of the city's jewels."

Taehyung felt his stomach turn in disgust.

"Don't tell me that..."

Jeongguk nodded bitterly.

"I did not know what it meant until later Jimin was pushed into my bedroom. They had him... Wrapped up, like a gift, an object. And for him to have gathered that reputation to be offered to me you can only imagine how many people must have abused him."

"Jeongguk." Taehyung pleaded, sick with the thought.

"He was terrified, it was pitiful really. You are not the only who had heard stories about us. I have no idea what was going through his mind, but for the fear in his eyes I am certain you can get an idea."

"I can." He murmured horrified.

The air was heavy around them, Jeongguk's expression somber.

"It took a while until I could convince him there was nothing to be scared of, that I wouldn't touch him. He started crying from relief after that. I asked him to tell me his story and I knew there was only one way to help him. I offered for him to come with me."

Taehyung observed his anguished expression intrigued.

"Why did you?"

Jeongguk looked up in confusion.

"How could I leave that poor scared boy to be used like that?"

"You couldn't!" Taehyung shook his head vehemently, "You did the right thing, Jeongguk. I didn't imagine that..."

"That I would care?" He raised a brow. Taehyung didn't answer which was already enough. "I reckon we already stablished that you don't know me. Or him."

"Yes, you are correct." Tae nodded, hugging himself. "What can I say? It is hard to break away from prejudice. But this, I confess, is admirable of you."

"It was the minimum any decent human should do. I was disgusted by it, how they put him through such suffering..."

"People can do most unspeakable things sometimes. And yet you out of all cared for him." Taehyung commented, dazed by the idea.

"Jimin was the first person I brought back with me. The beginning was hard, he was still so fragile, thinking at any moment someone would hurt him. I had to put protection for him at all times, an attempt to make him feel safe so he could heal in peace."

"Was it..." Taehyung bit his lips. Should he? It was an innocent question. "Was it Min Yoongi that you designated to look after him?"

Jeongguk furrowed his brows.

"Yes. How did you know?"

Taehyung contained a smirk. Would you look at that. He shrugged.

"They simply seem to be good friends."

"Yes, I suppose they are. Yoongi was a great help during this adaptation period. It was amazing seeing Jimin gaining his life and confidence back slowly, like a flower blooming." He smiled softly, "I do not entertain myself in the illusion that I'm a good man, Taehyung, but if there is one good thing that I did in my life it was taking Jimin out of there. However, some scars stay with you and what you so carelessly said..."

"I am deeply sorry! I had no idea..."

"No, you did not, yet you thought yourself in position to judge, as you have done for every one of us. We all have stories that deserve to be respected."

"You are right, Jeongguk, when it comes to Jimin, I will recognize that, but don't try to paint yourself as a victim to me."

"I am not painting myself as anything." Jeongguk protested. "It is you that has painted me so strongly in your colors that you see everything I do with suspicion. I do want you to make this your home, but this atitude does not suit a city as plural as Jinse."

"Thank you for your concern," he scorned, "I will definitely keep it in mind."

"Why?" He stomped closer, forcing Taehyung to move back tumbling on his feet. "Why must you defy me at all times?"

"Why do you let me?" He bit back, not backing down.

"Aren't you afraid of me?" He narrowed his eyes.

Jeongguk had cornered him. Taehyung felt his body bump against the bed, no space left.

"Should I be?"

Their breaths were mixed, as the two held a strange stare contest, refusing to let the other win. Jeongguk tilted his head, absorbed in the enigma. Taehyung was restless liked a hunted animal, heartbeat
racing. If the emperor wanted, he could end him right then and there. No one would say anything about it. Taehyung would be thrown at a common whole, like he was nothing. But something in Jeogguk's gaze told him that was the last thing to be going through his mind.

The tension was broken when he turned away, ending the eye contact. Taehyung let out the breath he didn't even realize he was holding.

"I want you to apologize to Jimin."

"We want the same thing. Where can I find him?"

Jeongguk pressed his tongue against his cheek.

"I don't know. I came looking for you right away once I saw his state."

"You mean to tell me you let your greatest best friend run around crying to come fight me?" Taehyung questioned, not knowing why the idea was so amusing.

He tensed his jaw, but didn't seem able to deny it.

"When he mumbled your name, I knew you must have done something to him. You are my guest here, don't forget, I needed to understand what happened."

"For someone who criticizes me so much you were quite quick to judge me as well, weren't you, Jeon Jeongguk?"

Jeongguk seemed frustrated, opening and closing his mouth without forming a sentence. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"Come, we need to find Jimin." Tae left him and his agape mouth behind, moving to the door. Jeongguk followed, still annoyed.

"Do you have any idea where he might be?" Tae asked.

"Maybe with Yoongi. As you said they are close friends."

"Yes, I'm sure."

Jeongguk led him to another room not distant from Taehyung's own. He knocked on the door multiple times, until an irritated Yoongi opened it.

"He doesn't want to talk to you now." Yoongi stated, rubbing his eyes.

"It is not me that wants to talk." Jeongguk said keen, pulling Taehyung to the front. Yoongi's expression immediately shifted from irritated to furious.

"No!"

"Yoongi..."

"Do you know what he said to Jiminie?!"

"Yes, but-"

"And you don't care?!"

"I do. That is why I brought Taehyung to apologize."

"I came to apologize." Taehyung corrected, receiving a death glare from Yoongi.

"Jeongguk, what is he still doing here? You were supposed to be Jimin's friend, his protector! Now you are harboring someone who hurt him here!"

"Enough! I am still your emperor, general Min, and if I have to order you to leave the two to talk, I will."

Yoongi seemed ready to fight his sovereign right then and there, veins popping as did Jeongguk's.

"Yoongi?" Jimin called softly behind him. Yoongi's body relaxed promptly. "It's fine. We should talk. I don't mind."

"But..."

"I will be fine."

Yoongi inhaled deeply, nodding. He let Tae pass, threats in his stare, before leaving. The door was shut. It was between them now. He had dealt with Jeongguk, but Taehyung still needed Jimin's forgiveness. Not only he craved it, he also knew he wouldn't last long there without it.

"Taehyung?"

Chapter 10

Jimin was sitting on Yoongi's bed, staring at his fingers that fiddled with the silk covers. Taehyung wasn't sure of how to act, opting for joining him cautiously. He was ready for his screams and scolds, but Jimin seemed distant, almost oblivious to him.

"Jimin-ssi," he called reluctant, leaning closer, "I am so incredibly sorry for my rude and insensitive behavior. I said something horrible to you and I hope you can forgive me. There is no excuse-"

"I forgive you." He interrupted, wiping away a lone tear. Taehyung was left with his mouth still open. "And I'm sorry for slapping you."

"It's alright," Taehyung affirmed, sighing relieved, "I hurt you first."

"No, Taehyung-ssi, I did. I am so sorry about what you have been going through. I was insensitive."

"It is not your fault, Jimin. Jeongguk... I hope you don't mind, but he told me how you two came together."

"He told you I was a whore?" The dryness in his voice was disturbing.

Tae side eyed him, however Jimin was looking away, concealing his emotions.

"He... He told me you were a prostitute, yes, and what he did for you. How did that happen to you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"What rules the hearts of men, Taehyung? What leads us to do horrible things? Money, power, passion..."

"Revenge."

Jimin nodded.

"This is one of those stories and, like the rest of them, it is best forgotten."

Taehyung didn't agree, no, but had no right to pressure Jimin after everything.

"I'm sorry. If you want to talk about it, I am here. I know it sounds strange coming from me, but now I can comprehend you better. Your loyalty towards him, and your affection... I probably would feel the same in these circumstances. I had no right to say anything about it."

"You couldn't have known. My reaction was exaggerated."

"No, Jimin. No. Do not apologize for your feelings."

Jimin chewed on his lip, holding his own hand to stop it from shaking.

"I... I thought that this was in the past..." he swallowed his tears, "I thought I was done suffering because of them, but..."

"But there are certain things you can not get past."

"No!" Jimin shook his head, finally facing Tae with his bloodshot eyes. "I need to! I don't want to hold on to this any longer, Taehyung. I don't want live carrying this hurt around, I want to be free!"

Jimin's words, the urge embedded in his voice, hit Taehyung strongly, more so than he would have imagined. Didn't he want that too? To stop waking up crying every night? Stop feeling this sickening anger all the time?

"I understand," he said sincerely, with a tight lipped smile, "let's put this behind us then, shall we?"

"Yes, please." Jimin sniffed. "It did bring back memories that I would like gone."

"Once again, I'm sorry for causing you pain. I am so very grateful for all you have been doing for me."

"It's not only me, you know?" He cleaned his throat, "Jeongguk is making an effort as well."

Taehyung licked his lips, crossed because he wouldn't dare arguing again.

"I can see."

"You can find happiness again here. If I could you can too," Jimin hesitated for a second before placing his warm hand over Tae's, "but for that you need to let go."

"What you ask... It is too much." Taehyung shut his eyes, shaking his head. "I can not, Jimin, I can not betray them."

"I'm not saying to forget them. No, they are your family. Cling to the memories and feelings of love, cherish the happy times. The rest, be done with it."

"I wish it were that simple."

"When is anything in life ever simple? Nevertheless we keep on trying, we keep on living. You lived, Taehyung, out of all of them you lived, honor that."

"I am trying!" He defended himself, throat closing, "I am."

"Are you really?" Jimin questioned looking into his eyes, "All I see you do is surrender yourself to bitterness, to resentment. I can't tell you what you should do, it is not my place, but these feelings, Taehyung, they are quick sand."

"You want me to stop fighting?"

"I was stuck too when I came here. I learned there were only two things I could do. I chose to keep living, to rebuild my life. You can choose it too or remain drowning in hatred and loneliness."

Taehyung left the bedroom carrying Jimin's words with him, a million thoughts on his mind. The moment he stepped out, Yoongi and Jeongguk's heads perked up.

"It's all resolved now," he announced with hoarse voice, "We are in good terms again."

"Get out of my way, "was all Yoongi had to say before shoving Taehyung to the side and getting back to his beloved Jimin.

"Taehyung?" Jeongguk asked, calling his attention, "Are you alright?"

"Yes." He nodded hazy. "Can I leave the palace?"

"Of course. I can find you an escort..."

"No. I wish to be alone."

Jeongguk frowned.

"But what if you get lost?"

The irony almost made him laugh.

The streets were busy and festive, decorations turning them colorful. Children ran around playing, nearly bumping into him. A nice smell of food filled the air, as did the laughters of the people and the offers of sellers. Perhaps Jimin was right, that wasn't a bad place to build a life. But could he build anything over his ruins?

"Taehyung!"

He turned around finding Hoseok waving at him from a few meters away, a smile on his lips despite the chains that bonded his ankles. They didn't get a chance to rebuild their lives, instead had it taken from them in a way worse than death. Why should Tae get that chance? He met Hoseok in the middle, hugging him tightly.

"It is good to see you, hyung."

"You too. Where are you staying?" Hoseok asked curious.

"At the palace, actually."

"What? This is great! I was put to work on the palace! In the kitchens more precisely."

Taehyung grinned.

"But you can't cook, hyung."

"I do not really need to. I can still do lower level chores, like coming to the fair for ingredients." He waved the empty basket. "What are you up to?"

Tae rubbed his sour neck, trying to smile.

"I needed air to clear my head."

"Did something happen?" He leaned closer evaluating the boy.

"It's this place, hyung, it is meddling with my mind, twisting me." Taehyung pressed his temples, a faint headache growing. "I risked my position, my opportunity, because I could not control myself."

"What do you mean?" His voice went down. "Is it related to that?"

"I can't keep my focus. Around him it's even worse. I tell myself what I must do, what I should say, how to behave, however he... He clouds my judgement."

Hoseok mouthed 'Jeongguk?'.

"Who else?" Tae rolled his eyes frustrated more at himself than the emperor. "He gets under my skin and I can not allow that. I must be as sharp as my blade. Or might as well give up. I don't understand... When it come to him my reason fails me and I act impulsively, stupidly."

"Maybe it's because you hate him so much," Hoseok whispered.

"It must be."

"You were always too emotional for your own good, Tae." The older remarked, with a reprehending look. "I don't know how your father thought of pushing you to priesthood."

"Because that was my fate. And I did my best, I learned control."

"You were the most difficult of the apprentices, everyone knew it. Our rebel Taehyungie."

Hoseok ruffled his hair. Tae pushed his hand away.

"Stop," he ordered annoyed, "I became a good servant. I worked hard on improving myself, you know it. Namjoon helped me."

"Perhaps that is what you are lacking now, aid."

"Perhaps..." nothing he could do about that though. Namjoon was irreplaceable. No one understood Taehyung like his brother did. He cleaned his throat, "What of Dawon? Is she fine?"

"Yes, she has been placed at some manor. She is still adapting."

"Aren't we all?" He studied the unfamiliar environment, "And your parents? Any news?"

Hoseok's smile faded.

"No. I keep asking around, someone must have seen something. I just want to know what happened."

"Don't." Tae warned him. "You are lucky to not have to live with that image. They are in the eternity gardens now, where all of us shall rest one day. Praying for them and paying your homages is the best you can do."

Hoseok nodded, bottom lip between his teeth.

"I should get to my task..."

"Visit me when you can."

Taehyung tried with some difficulty to explain to him where his chambers were located, both still unused to the palace, before letting him go about his job.

Tae walked around a bit more, however, after speaking to Hoseok the beauty of Jinse had become offensive, stained with blood. Despite his concerns, it wasn't hard finding the correct way back to the palace. Still he knew he had to work on his focus. There was no room for errors.

Taehyung went back to his bedroom standing on the balcony, taking the light breeze. It viewed the side of the property. There was a robust construction not far that he imagined to be a military centre, given that a group of boys wilded swords around, dueling the air. There was a knock on the door. Taehyung had grown to find the sound quite ominous in the last hours. He opened it, being taken by surprise by a violent blow at his neck.

Min Yoongi had a strong grip on him, throwing his back against the stone wall, his forearm trapping the boy by the neck. He was smaller than Tae, yet the sheer anger that fueled his action turned him terrifying. Taehyung struggled trying to free himself, clawing at his hands, but it was no use.

"You listen to me because I will tell you just once: I don't care what you have with Jeongguk, hurt Jimin and I will hurt you. Understood?"

Taehyung's heart was frantic as he searched desperately for a way out.

"Understood?!"

"Yes!" He yelped.

Yoongi finally let him go. Tae slid down, falling limp on the ground.

"Pathetic."

The general left, slamming the door behind him. Taehyung gasped loudly, catching his breath. For a moment he was convinced Yoongi would beat him up. And if he did what would Tae even do? Jeongguk himself told him the two had known each other since forever. And Jimin was in the middle, to make matters worse. He had no reason to think the emperor would protect him.

Taehyung ran his fingers through his hair, trying to force his brain to function properly despite the wild fear. What was happening with him? He would end up getting himself killed soon. There was only one thing he could do. At least for contingence until he found a more effective solution. He couldn't believe that was what it had come to. Tae calmed his breathing and stood up, straightening his clothes. No one would intimidate him. Much less a prick like Min Yoongi.

Taehyung marched the castle searching for anyone who could tell him where to find Jeongguk. He waited until the ruler was back from whatever it was that he did when he wasn't ordering massacres, sitting by his chambers's doors.

"Taehyung?"

Tae's eyes darted up, finding his. Jeongguk was sweaty, untidy. He carried a dirty sword next to him. Perfect. Taehyung got up, trying to stand as tall as he possibly could.

"Jeongguk, I need your help."

"What can I do for you?"

Taehyung clenched his fists. He could do it.

"Teach me to fight like you."

Chapter 11

Jeongguk's eyes narrowed at him.

"I thought you hated violence, where is this coming from?"

"I did - I do -, but... What you said about Jimin when he first got here made me realize I feel the same," Tae clenched his teeth, facing down, "I am scared all the time."

"Taehyung," Jeongguk's voice softened, as did his expression, "I told you there's nothing to be afraid of. Nothing bad will happen to you under my care."

"But I don't feel safe," he explained anxious, "I keep wondering when the next terrible thing will happen."

Jeongguk rubbed the back of his neck, pursing his lips. There were so many reasons why that was not a good idea.

"Have you ever fought anyone before?"

"No, but we all have to start from somewhere."

"You might get hurt."

"Jeongguk, please," Taehyung's big brown eyes drilled into his, "I want this."

The emperor bit his nails, eyes darting from one side to the other as if he held an internal debate. He huffed as Tae observed him expectant. Then he grabbed his arm, pulling him inside his chambers.

"What are you doing?" Taehyung yelled trying to push him away.

His body was pinned firmly against the closed door, the impact making him flinch. Jeongguk let go of him, raising his hands in a sign of peace. Taehyung hugged himself, confused by his actions.

"Listen, it's imperative that this stays between us. The law says only soldiers may wield weapons and use violence in Jinse's grounds. You are not one so nobody can know, alright?"

Taehyung blinked repeatedly in disbelief.

"You... You would break your own laws for me?"

Jeongguk gaped at him for a moment, before lowering his gaze.

"I owe you this much."

"This shall be our secret then." Taehyung agreed, as weird as it sounded. "How do we go about it?"

"At night," Jeongguk oriented, "the training centre will be empty. I will come to you and we'll go together if that's fine with you."

"Yes, yes, it is."

"Eat well today," he advised with a grin that Tae found suspicious, "you will need it."

"I... I'll see you later, then."

Jeongguk nodded, opening the door for him. Tae stepped out, his skin tingling with excitement and fear at the perspective.

"Jeongguk," he called turning around to look at him once more. The other raised his head, "Thank you."

The emperor's gaze lit up for a moment, followed by a genuine, boyish smile. Taehyung didn't know why he smiled too.

"Are you really thanking me?"

"Do not make me regret it." Taehyung smirked, pointing his finger.

He was grateful for having something else to occupy his mind. Nights were always worse, once the light and distractions were gone and Taehyung was left with his heavy heart. He didn't know exactly how the lessons would go, though. The only person he ever fought was Namjoon and that was hardly a fight. As a man of religion he wasn't supposed to hurt others. When he became an apprentice ond of the vows he made was to abdicate of violence. And now he was going back on it. He wasn't doing anything wrong, that was self defense. He was only looking out for himself, Taehyung couldn't fulfill his destiny if Yoongi killed him before. The gods would understand.

Jeongguk came to get him late at night when the city had quieted. The two moved closely with no sound, the emperor leading him through shortcuts and passageways.

"I thought this only existed in stories." Taehyung murmured behind him.

Jeongguk laughed through his nose.

"The stories had to come from somewhere. Call it a safety measure if you must."

"Aren't these supposed to be secret?"

Jeongguk looked back at him with a crooked smile. The torch in his hand was the only source of light in the tight tunnel.

"It's another secret we share then."

The path led straight into the military building. They went inside a large room, lighting the rest of the torches. The fire reflected on the metal of armors, axes, spears and swords that seemed sharp enough to cut him from a simple glance. There were targets and dolls to practice scattered around.

"So this is how you spend your time?" Tae asked, walking around doing his recognition of the new place.

"This is how I live, Taehyung. And if I am going to break the law for you I hope you take it seriously."

Tae halted looking back at him. Jeongguk could look so much older at times, so grave.

"I will." He pledged. "Where do we start?"

Jeongguk cracked his knuckles.

"By strengthening you."

"What do you mean?" Tae raised his brows.

"You are weak, Taehyung."

"Excuse me?" Tae snorted, "Didn't you say I was strong a few days ago?"

Jeongguk cocked his head back, eyes rolling.

"You are physically weak."

"Can't you simply show me some blows and be done with it?"

"Fine." He waved, giving up. He stood in the middle of the room, glaring at him defiantly. "Come at me."

"What?"

"Attack me."

"How?"

"However you want. Hit me." He provoked, opening his muscled arms. "We both know you want it and I am right here for you."

Tae studied his expression. Something was not right. But he really did want it badly.

"Is this a trick?"

"It's your first lesson. Come on, Taehyung."

Tae approached with caution, analyzing his body, how he stood, his weak spots, where his weight was. His father had taught him that, but Tae had never actually used it. Jeongguk was fixated on him, his smirk an invitation for Taehyung. Screw it. He swung at him with what he hoped was a strong punch. It was easily deflected. The warrior grabbed his fist, holding it immobilized. Taehyung tried to free himself, however Jeongguk didn't even seem to be struggling to hold him back. He tried to use his other hand, being stopped yet again. Tae was growing annoyed, specially because the other kept that mocking "I warned you" look. He tried to hit a kick on his leg, but the emperor was faster than he could even process and in a second he had Tae's back against the ground, trapped under his knees. Taehyung's eyes widened as his heartbeat quickened, chest going up and down with hard breaths.

"See?" Jeongguk questioned with low voice still on top of him, "Weak. We need to work on your body."

"Get of off me." He groaned, slapping his arm.

Jeongguk offered a hand to help him up, but Taehyung, of course, didn't take it, managing himself.

"Let's begin, then."

You could add training to the list of things in which Jeongguk was ruthless at. Taehyung had never felt so drained. He was worried he might start crying due to exhaustion.

"Tired already?" Jeongguk inquired, standing over Tae's weary figure with his hands on his knees.

Taehyung whined, puffy cheeks red and hair wet with sweat.

"I am not... Used... To this."

"I can see it."

"I am a man of... The soul and mind... Not the body."

"What a shame," Jeongguk commented evaluating him up and down, "you have a great build we could improve."

"I do?"

Taehyung pouted surprised, not knowing where that fluster was coming from. Jeongguk cleaned his throat.

"You can give up, you know?"

Tae shook his head determined.

"No. I want to do this."

Jeon folded his arms behind his back, nodding with a certain respect.

"This is enough exercising for today."

"What? Already?"

"You are still recovering from the last days, I don't want to overwork you."

"Jeon Jeongguk," Tae sat up, staring him with his smart eyes, "you are not stalling, are you?"

Jeongguk faked offense at the doubt, mouth dropping open.

"I would never."

"You will teach me?"

"I promise you." He placed a hand over his heart. "Just so you don't finish too disappointed, I will show you some things. Get up."

He turned his back on Tae, indicating a corner of the room with his head. Taehyung used all he had left of his energy to drag himself to where he was headed. The emperor picked up two wooden sticks, throwing one to Taehyung that he caught in the last second.

"You have good reflexes."

"What are these for?" Tae twirled the stick on his hands, looking curiously at his teacher.

"You did not expect me to let an amateur wield a sword, did you?"

Taehyung snorted, rolling his eyes.

"I will show you the amateur."

Jeongguk laughed, biting his lower lip, before taking his eyes back to Tae's.

"Confident for someone who has no experience fighting." He made his move with no warning whatsoever, quick like a snake attacking its prey.

Taehyung didn't have any time to consider his reaction, blocking the stick clumsily. Jeongguk snickered.

"Let's make it interesting?" He proposed.

Tae deflected another blow, twisting his body out of the way, before finally taking a sway against Jeongguk.

"What do you suggest?"

"A secret." He smirked devilish, defending himself with no problem. "The loser confesses to something."

He advanced, investing against the slimmer figure relentlessly. Yet Taehyung didn't cower, holding his stance the best he could. The sounds of their clash echoed on the walls.

"And the winner?"

"Is prized with knowledge."

"Doesn't sound too great."

"It can be," Jeongguk curved himself, dodging another of Taehyung's weak attempts, "depends on who you're fighting."

"If you want to get to know me, you could simply ask."

"Would you answer?"

Their wooden swords met in the middle with a loud bang, Jeongguk pressing Taehyung who refused to go down. He only grinned at the emperor, both knowing that no, he wouldn't.

Tae could barely defend himself from his fast and precise attacks, rapidly being cornered. In the blink of an eye he had been dominated, Jeongguk taking his stick away like a toy from a child. He held both against Taehyung with a satisfied grin.

"Guess I won."

Taehyung sulked which only seemed to amuse the other more. Jeongguk dropped the swords and sat down with his legs crossed.

"I am waiting, Kim Taehyung."

Taehyung puffed, folding his arms. He sat in front of Jeongguk, feeling his interested gaze over him. What could he possibly tell? He did want the boy to trust him, even if the feeling wasn't mutual. Of course he could lie, Taehyung was a pretty good liar. He had always managed to convince his father that he was ill when he wanted to scape doing chores or studying. He was also known as a great storyteller. However something about the glim in Jeongguk's expectant eyes, their childlike curiosity, made Tae want to tell a truth.

"I do feel uneasy here..." he began, pulling loose strings of his clothes, "And scared, as much as I hate to admit it. Mostly, I believe, because I can not forget. I have nightmares every night. Horrible nightmares. The worst part is that most of them already happened. They are images I wish I could erase, but I don't think I can."

There was moment of grieving silence in which the air around them seemed to grow heavier.

"I am sorry." Jeongguk whispered.

Taehyung looked up to see his melancholy, unsure of how to feel about it.

"Are you really?"

"For the pain I caused you, I will forever be."

"There is nothing to be done about that now." Taehyung lamented. He pushed his shoulders back, chin up, "So there you have it, I am not as... Strong as you thought."

"To my reckoning this only makes you stronger. Most people... They would not know how to keep on living. But you, Taehyung, you have a hunger."

He beamed captivated at Tae. The two exchanged a glance that for once was not filled with tension. Not the bad kind at least. But then Jeongguk looked down, hiding.

"I have nightmares too. They are not so frequent anymore, though."

"Any suggestions on how to deal with it?"

"Sage. My mom said it drove bad spirits and energy away. Just burn it and poof."

He snapped his fingers. Taehyung narrowed his eyes.

"Does it work?"

"Most of the time yes. She also used to sing this old lullaby that her mother sang to her and her mother's mother before her..."

And then, to Tae's astonishment, Jeongguk proceeded to sing a few ancient verses, tenderness and emotion etched into every word that left his lips. Taehyung's jaw dropped slightly at the striking beauty of his voice. It was enticing. He realized up until that point he had not considered Jeongguk capable of something as sublime. The emperor noticed his bewildered expression, becoming sheepish.

"Sorry."

"No, don't." Taehyung shook his head. He gulped, avoiding his confused stare. "Your voice is nice."

"Now you are being kind to me?" Jeongguk teased making Taehyung regret ever opening his mouth. "This is a night to remember. Thank you."

"Forget I said anything. Anyway, where is your mother now?"

Jeongguk's smile withered, a shadow passing his eyes. He stiffened, the relaxed posture of moments before gone. Taehyung immediately regretted asking.

"She... Died. Many years ago."

Taehyung nodded faintly, biting the inside of his cheek.

"My mother died too. At my birth. It was a difficult pregnancy, it was amazing she even got to labor. It led my father to believe my fate was to devote to religion, he thought I was a miracle."

Something in his tone and the gloom in his expression let Jeongguk know he didn't think it to be true.

"You don't agree?"

"Being born by death... It sounds like a curse to me, more than a miracle." He confessed, making his best effort to remain placid. "The priests said it was balance, though."

Jeongguk scoffed, intriguing Taehyung.

"There is no such thing. Only chaos."

"There must be an order to life, to the universe."

"Well, there isn't. It is random, unfair and senseless, inhabited by flawed people. In the end they all die and it means nothing."

"My family..." Taehyung pondered leaning closer as his voice went down, "Did they mean nothing? Does me living mean nothing?"

"Taehyung, that is not what I meant."

But Tae was not upset as Jeongguk's preoccupied eyes indicated he thought he was. No. As messy and pessimistic as it sounded, it was also almost... Relieving?

"It's fine." He assured, absorbed in the idea. "You gave me something to think about."

Jeongguk was taken by surprise by his response, a happy surprise at that. He had feared his insensitivity had ruined a pleasant moment with Taehyung, even if he was aware it would not last anyway.

"So did you. But then again, you always do."

At that Taehyung smiled sincerely. It was strangely nice. There they were, sitting by each other, with carefree smiles and shared secrets, and Taehyung could not help imagining how different things could be if not for fate. Suddenly he stood up, an uncomfortable feeling on his gut.

"We should go. I need to sleep."

"Yes, you're right." Jeongguk got up as well wiping his hands on one another. "No training for you tomorrow. You need to recover."

Taehyung nodded, he would not argue with that.

The idea of exhausting himself for a deep sleep did not work, though, seeing that he was still haunted by the gruesome images and strident screams. Perhaps he was going insane. Who wouldn't in his place?

The next day, the strain on his body was added to the rough night, making it hard to leave his bed. Every muscle of his body hurt. It was admirable that he even moved. However what he found at his door took his mind off of his pain, even if for a precious moment. There was small wrap of cloth with a note attached. Taehyung crouched down, taking the paper to his eyes to read the unfamiliar writing. "Bad spirits, I command thee, be gone!" Taehyung grinned involuntarily, unable to believe what was in front of him. He picked the delicate wrap up, bringing it to his nose. Sage.

Notes:

Tag yourself, I'm Taehyung because I hate exercising

Chapter 12

"Careful, Kim Taehyung..." Jeongguk warned circling around him, his voice waking Taehyung's senses.

"You should be."

Tae heard him giggle somewhere to his right. The emperor's smug face watching him prance around like a fool was almost visible. Taehyung swayed a punch at him, too late, only hitting air and almost falling.

"This is ridiculous!" He complained, twirling on his heels speaking to all directions at once, "Scared I might win if the fighting conditions are fair?"

"We both know you wouldn't anyway."

"I am improving! You know, I am."

"Alright, I shall recognize your efforts, but you are still a beginner, Taehyung. You can't even get me."

Taehyung rolled his eyes even though Jeongguk couldn't see them.

"Are you good at this? I doubt it."

"I could get you in my first try."

Taehyung listened with full attention before jumping like a cat, arms floudering in search for him and for a moment, for a brief moment, he actually grasped Jeongguk's skin, but it slipped through his fingers. Jeongguk whined.

"Are you trying to scar me?"

"This is not fair!" Taehyung pouted, folding his arms, "I caught you."

"Please, you merely touched me."

"I am starting to think there is no point to this at all and you are just having a laugh at my expanse."

"Is that so?" He asked. Taehyung spun around foolishly to follow his voice.

"Yes!"

Tae halted, trying to heighten his hearing to find his light footsteps, head cocking to the side. Not seeing was distressing, his other senses working twice as hard to guide him in the dark. He hated the feeling of no control. Blood rushed making his skin tingle, body hair going up all of a sudden. He felt a breath on his neck, near, very near, maybe only centimeters apart. That scent, the scent Taehyung had become familiar with, that was beginning to stick on him, sweat, herbs, sage - like a person who couldn't sleep, like Taehyung - and, now he knew, the sea.

"Maybe I like seeing you in a blindfold."

Jeongguk's voice was low and airy right by his ear. Taehyung could feel the proximity, the wild energy that emanated from Jeongguk's body. He stopped breathing, tensing his muscles. His elbow hit something soft with a thud, followed by a groan. He turned, waving his hands around aimlessly, trying to catch him. Tae closed his fingers around Jeongguk's forearm, this time clawing it tightly when the other made a hasty move to escape. Taehyung squealed as he lost his balance. His legs tangled with another's and he was pulled down, hitting something. His fingers cautiously moved against the strange surface, searching for the ground. But if he wasn't on the ground... Another heart beat fast against his own.

"Taehyung?" Jeongguk sounded timid, as if part of his voice got held back in his throat.

Tae's head perked up. His breaths hitched when he felt fingertips graze his cheeks, tickling him. Slowly, the blindfold was pulled up, his wide eyes finding a set of darker doe ones that reflected the faint light. Or maybe they held a light of their own, Taehyung wouldn't know. No, he wouldn't know for he had never stared into Jeongguk's eyes from so close before, so close that he could count the freckles around them and notice for the first time how they sparkled. He had never really looked at him to see the tiny scar on his cheek, matching the ones that marked his arms, and his discreet moles. Jeongguk's lips curled up slowly, the smile showing first on his gaze.

"You got me."

Taehyung relaxed a bit, letting a small grin form.

"I got you."

He moved away from the emperor, trying to push those thoughts to the back of his mind. Tae sat in front of him.

"Since I won, what do I get?" He asked mischievously, joining his palms.

"Well, what do you want?" Jeongguk sat up as well.

"What can you offer me?"

Taehyung watched him think, lips thinning in concentration. The emperor then smirked, snapping his fingers and startling him.

"Come with me." He jumped on his feet, waving.

Tae found it funny. Where would they go at that hour?

"Where?"

"Let me surprise you."

Jeongguk smirked, grabbing Taehyung's hand and taking him. Having no source of light, Taehyung had no other option than to let himself be led by the one who knew the building by heart. Jeongguk's silhouette was the only thing distinguishable to his eyes. His skin was warm, albeit rough and mistreated unlike Tae's own. Being in the dark wasn't the problem, Taehyung realized, at least not at that moment.

They halted and Jeongguk ran his hands on the wall. He opened a door, a gust of wind hitting their faces.

"Are we going out?" Taehyung hushed even if there was no need to.

"Yes." He walked forward, feeling up something large. "There's a stair here, be careful."

Taehyung nodded, then realizing the other wouldn't see, so he hummed agreeing. Jeongguk went up first, helping Taehyung move as well. Tae inhaled the night breeze, stepping into the terrace. His eyes were filled with the starry sky above. A stunned sigh left his lips.

"Do you like it?" Jeongguk inquired watching the delight in his face pleased.

There was something so mesmerizing about Taehyung's enchanted smile, he could not bring himself to look away.

"I love it."

The emperor laid down, sprawling his body before making a sign for Taehyung to join him. Tae hesitated, still not fully comfortable next to him, but the view was too irresistible to deny. Their breaths evened out in harmony as the two contemplated the sight.

"I think this is my favorite place in Jinse." Taehyung broke the silence, hands crossed over his tummy.

"I come here at night whenever I need to think."

"Does it not get lonely?"

"Loneliness is not a matter of having people with you or not. If only it was."

"Yes, you are right."

Despite the pulsing life of the city Taehyung felt desolate, out of touch with the world around him. He understood Jeongguk, there was something soothing about that particular spot. Or maybe it was that one night.

"At night..." Jeongguk continued, "It's comfortable being in the dark, specially alone. You don't need to have masks on. It is my favorite time."

"My people have this story..." Taehyung recalled, fixated on the glimmering bodies that dotted the dark sky, "About day and night."

"Tell me?"

Jeongguk turned his head to properly contemplate Taehyung. The bright full moon illuminated his skin faintly, the honey glow he usually showed turned silver. He forgot completely about the wonders above.

"Diantang, the sky, desired to make the most beautiful being in all of creation. From that wish Heyan, the night, was born. She reigned alone in her beauty, but for every force there must be a counter one and thus Minche, the day, came to be."

"Let me guess, balance?"

Taehyung chuckled softly.

"You learn fast. Diantang was furious, considering it an insult in his arrogance. He ordered Heyan to destroy Minche, so the night would be supreme again."

"And what happened?" Jeongguk was completely focused on Taehyung now.

"They fell in love." Tae smiled, tilting his head to the side to find the other staring at him. "There was no fight at all. It turns out that, they were not opposite forces, so much as complementary ones."

"I like that."

"So do I. But Diantang did not. He was outraged when Heyan refused to fight and in act of spite separated the two, creating what we now know as day and night. They were devastated, no sun, no stars, no moon. At last, in an act of pity, Diantang let them be together twice a day."

"Dawn and twilight?" Jeongguk guessed, folding his arm behind his head. Tae nodded.

"When they are one, a bit of night in day and..."

"A bit of day in night." He sighed content, looking back up. "That's lovely, Taehyung."

"I thought you might like it."

"Do you believe that?"

"What?" Now it was Taehyung's turn to study him.

"That where you come from does not dictate who you become. Like Heyan was supposed to fight, but she chose love."

He bit his bottom lip, the question troubled him. If Taehyung wasn't Shan and Jeongguk wasn't Kogang, if Jeongguk had not done what he did and Taehyung had not been given such hard burden to carry, would things be different? Would they even have met?

"I would like to." Yes, he would, but he couldn't. Taehyung was who he was and Jeongguk was... Who was he? "Where did you come from?"

Jeongguk's eyes locked with his, his lips were slightly parted, the question taking him off guard.

"You said Jinse is not where you were born," Taehyung remembered, "so where did you come from?"

"Nothing." He muttered under his breath, looking away. "We were drifters, going where food and work would lead us. It's a funny word, don't you think? Drifter. It means living in between, it's traveling, but not getting anywhere, coming from nowhere."

Taehyung took in those words trying to imagine Jeongguk without his gold, the opulent palace or the countless guards. The Jeongguk that lived on in his calloused hands and heavy heart.

"It must have been hard."

"It was no life. We were the perishing sheep and the bony cattle that follow their path not knowing where they are going, why they are going, simply trying not to die."

"And how does nothing becomes this?"

"How do you think?" He glanced at Tae somberly, "With violence. You take and you take or else it gets taken from you."

Taehyung's skin crawled at the way his tone shifted, stained with bitterness.

"I hate the sound of that."

"Can I tell you a secret, Taehyung?" His whisper caused a chill to run on Tae's spine. He nodded. "So do I. But I stopped fighting it a long time ago."

"I wish you didn't."

"I wish I didn't have to."

The two let silence prevail, breaking the eye contact. There was no need of imagining a different Jeongguk when the one by his side was already not what Taehyung had thought. Which reminded him:

"Thank you," he said, "for the sage. That was kind of you."

Jeongguk smiled faintly.

"Did it help?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I still have bad dreams, but they diminished."

"I'm glad. You can have as much as you wish."

Taehyung let out a little snort at himself. There Jungkook went, dazing him again.

"What?" He questioned glancing Tae curiously.

Taehyung shook his head, containing a grin. He stretched his arms out lazily.

"This moon and this night..."

Jeongguk laughed lightly, shaking his head as well. Taehyung liked the way it sounded wholesome.

"I actually wanted to ask you something..." the emperor said, leaning on his elbow, "The summer festivities are coming soon and, well, I was thinking you might want to participate."

Taehyung laid on his side.

"How is it?"

"It goes on for days, with feasts, and parades, and music... Since everyone has their own way of celebrating you could add yours as well."

"I would like that." Taehyung beamed, memories coming back, "Can I dance?"

Jeongguk's eyes widened a bit at the request.

"Yes, of course you can. Honestly I did not even think you would want to be a part of it."

"Well, what can I say?" Taehyung looked up feeling for once at ease, "I guess I am becoming a real citizen of Jinse."

Notes:

Hello, thank you for reading! Are you liking te story so far? Please if you are, give kudos. If you already have, then thank you. And I would love to read your thoughts if you want to comment :)

Chapter 13

That night Taehyung didn't have nightmares. Nor the nights after. He did cry when he woke up, though, but those were different tears, tears of relief, of joy, of someone who was getting what seemed impossible. He wasn't sure what was behind it. Jeongguk did gift him more sage and maybe the training was helping restore some of his focus back. Whatever it was, he appreciated it.

He had noticed, with a sting of guilt, he wasn't so miserable anymore in the latest days. There were moments he would even dare say he felt a little better about his new life. That was, of course, when he managed to take his mind away from why he was there. But it was a start he supposed.

"Hyung!" Tae used his hands to amplify the call when he saw Hoseok leaving the palace.

The older boy stopped on his tracks, wicker basket bouncing on his arm. He squinted his eyes to make out the familiar features.

"Oh! Taehyung-ah!"

Tae ran to his side, the side of his people, his clothes flying around him. He linked his arm around Hoseok's free one.

"Are you going to the fair? Can I go with you?"

"Of course." He smiled brightly studying Taehyung's face, "You look good."

"Thank you. I have been sleeping better. And you? How have you been?"

"Good, good..."

But the dirty cloth that was wrapped around his skin told Tae otherwise.

"What happened?" Taehyung frowned, indicating the bandaged arm.

"Oh nothing much, a simple work accident. Some hot water spilled on me."

"Hyung, I don't want to see you hurt, maybe you can ask to work elsewhere..."

"No," he shook his head, "I like where I am. I'm learning a lot and the people are nice. It's better than..."

Tae tilted his head when Hoseok pursed his lips, seeming to have caught himself before revealing too much.

"What? Better than what?"

"Better than some other options."

Taehyung halted, forcing his friend to stop as well. Hoseok looked down, twisting the basket handle.

"What are you not telling me?"

"I did not want you to worry..."

"Hyung."

Hoseok sighed.

"I think Dawon is scared of her master."

He was right, that did make Tae worry.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? Did she say anything?"

"No. I went to speak to her another day and she seemed strange. She had this terrified look in her eyes and when I asked her how things were she avoided answering. I don't know, maybe I am imagining things."

"But maybe you are not. We have to look after each other. If she needs our help we need to be there, hyung." Taehyung tapped his foot, dust raising from the ground, "Can you take me to where she is?"

"Yes, but I don't think she will want to talk about it."

"We have to try."

Hoseok nodded, biting his chipped lip. He walked Taehyung to a street filled with nice manors not far from the palace. Clearly whoever she was working for was important. That only made Taehyung's concerns grow. More often than not, those with power felt untouchable, superior, above basic human decency and he hoped for Dawon's sake that was not the case.

"Look at the mess you made! Stupid bitch! Can't you do one thing right?!"

A furious shout coming from one of the properties startled them. The sick paleness of Hoseok's complexion answered Tae's question.

"I-I am sorry! Please, I will clean it a-and fix it..." A familiar voicetrembled.

Taehyung bolted to the where the voices were.

"Shut up! You think this is something you can fix?! These are worth more than your whole life! And stop crying, it's disgusting!"

"P-please!"

Taehyung invaded the garden of an obnoxiously pompous house. His heart stopped. Dawon was curled on the ground, her shoulders shaking with anguished cries. Over her was none other than Kim Seokjin, fuming with anger. There was a silver platter and a few porcelain cups shattered on the ground.

"'P-p-p-please.'" He mocked, making her shrink. "Pathetic, I knew you were all imbeciles but I did not imagine it was this much. Look at me when I am speaking to you!"

She raised her watery bloodshot eyes, mumbling apologies, but Seokjin ignored it. He broke a bamboo stick off of one of his plants, rolling his sleeves up.

"Hands, come on. Since I am feeling merciful today, we will settle for ten."

Ten? Ten what? And then a snap resonated, followed by Dawon's cry. That woke Taehyung up from his shock, pushing him forward to stand between the two. A sharp burning pain irradiated from his shoulder, his skin on the verge of ripping.

"Stop!" He yelled, stretching his arms out protectively. His eyes were watering too. "Stop it now!"

Seokjin's jaw dropped, his hand still on the air ready for another blow.

"Taehyung?" He furrowed his brows in contempt, "What are doing in my house? Get out."

Taehyung only stood taller, huffing.

"What do you think you are doing?!"

"I am correcting my slave. Now leave."

"She is a person! You can not honestly think this is acceptable."

Seokjin scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"She is mine, I can do as I please.

"No, she is not! You can't..."

"Sorry to inform you, but I can."

"I will not let you!"

Taehyung expected Seokjin to try to fight. He expected him to yell or attack him, but he did something a lot more unnerving: he started laughing. Tae wavered, perturbed by the way the other seemed to find it all a joke.

"What do you plan on doing, child?" He scorned when his chuckles died down, "Tell Jeongguk? Do you think he will take your side because you have a pretty face?"

"No, I think he will take my side because it's what is right. Jeongguk does not condone abuse."

"Because you know him so well, do you?" Seokjin crossed his arms unafraid, "Try it, go to him, see how much he helps you."

"I will!" Taehyung affirmed, chin pointing up.

Seokjin did not even bat an eyelash. Dawon was still weeping silently. Blood stained her hands, flowing from what seemed to be a reopened wound. How could someone do that to another person? Taehyung helped her up as delicately as possible, taking her away from that awful place.

Hoseok was still stuck in terror in the same spot Taehyung was moments before. Tears streamed down his cheeks silently.

"Hyung." Tae called, but his gaze was frozen, disconnected from the present.

"Hobi," Dawon begged, nudging at his rags with her other hand, "Hobi, please."

That seemed to wake him. He blinked a few times.

"Noona..." He whispered taking her injured hand in his. She flinched at the movement. "Noona, what did he do to you?"

"We need to go." Taehyung tried to take the lead, seeing his friends were in no condition.

"Go?" Hoseok moved his glossy eyes to his. The light that still lingered on them despite everything was finally blown out. "Go where? What can we do? He has already hurt my sister. He has done the unspeakable to her. What can we possibly do now, Taehyung?"

Tae didn't know what to say, how to comfort him. Hoseok was right. It was too late. It was too late for all of them.

"We can prevent it from happening again." He gulped, trying to keep steady, "Jeongguk will help us..."

"Help us?" Dawon murmured bitterly, clenching her teeth, "That monster is the reason I am like this! He is the one who put chains on Hoseok and in case you have forgotten, Taehyung, he is the one that killed our families."

"I know!" The lump that was forming on his throat made it hard to speak, "I know. I have not forgotten, but he is our only hope now."

"Hope?" Hoseok sniffed, "What makes you think he will even listen to us?"

"I know he will. Trust me on this, please."

Defeated by the lack of a better option the two followed him displeased. Tae wasn't certain about where to find Jeongguk or what to even say when they were with him. But he knew, he was sure from everything he had seen of the emperor that he would want to help. There was one place he could think of where Jeongguk would likely be at that time of the day. The one that had somehow converted into their place for him without Taehyung realizing it.

The training centre seemed different from the outside, a lot more imposing and severe. Yet he did not hesitate to run up the stairs and push the large doors open. A few stranged glances were directed at him, bewildered by the sudden and unusual appearance. Hoseok and Dawon were on his heels, walking in quiet steps and curved postures.

"Jeon Jeongguk!" Taehyung screamed, startling the men around.

He kicked open the door of the main room - their room -, making a number of heads turn in search of the intruder. Jeongguk was at the other end, sword in hand and an upset frown.

"I must speak with the emperor now."

"You must?" Someone laughed on the corner, but Tae ignored them.

He was only focused on the emperor, whose sword swayed back and forth as he returned his stare at loss. Taehyung's armor was on the verge of cracking, the stress and sorrow weighing heavily over him. Jeongguk may have noticed it, as he abandoned the stern posture, walking up to him, brows tugged together.

"Taehyung, what is this?"

Tae imagined Jeongguk was probably wondering if he had gone insane over night. He wanted to keep his control, he wanted to pull himself together and dominate his emotions, but seemed to be failing miserably at doing so ever since he got there. And around Jeongguk it was even worse.

"Please," was what he managed to utter, finding his eyes, "I need you. Please, come with me."

Jeongguk's mouth went ajar. He knew whatever motivated Tae to act that way was important. And who was he to deny Taehyung's wish, specially when he asked like that? He dropped his sword.

"Fine."

Tae let out a relieved breath. Jeongguk signaled for Min Yoongi to take the lead and left. He was curious about what could have made the balanced Taehyung that nervous. The answer came in the form of two people huddled together.

"What is happening?" He questioned looking from the duo to Tae.

"We need to talk, somewhere private."

The four walked in silence to the palace, a mixture of emotions confusing each of them. Taehyung and Jeongguk marched in front, Hoseok and Dawon closely behind. The emperor could feel their hateful glares burning holes on his back. Jeongguk took them to an empty room where they would not be bothered.

"Well, can someone explain to me what is the matter?"

"We need your help." Taehyung began, holding his own hands to stop them from shaking, "Actually Dawon does."

He pulled the girl forward, showing Jeongguk her injuries. It was a stomach churning sight, a mess of dead tissue and blood.

"She was aggressed today."

"This is horrible, I'm very sorry. How did it happen?"

"My master," she lowered her head, "he was punishing me for a mistake I made."

Jeongguk tilted his head, eyes growing larger.

"Your master did this?"

Dawon nodded, moving back to Hoseok's side.

"I saw it." Taehyung added seeing the uneasiness in Jeongguk's face, "It was Kim Seokjin. He has no remorse at all. Completely despicable. He would have done even worse had I not intervened and, as you can see by the state her hands are in, it was not the first time either."

Jeongguk covered his mouth with a fist, nodding pensive.

"I see."

"You need to help her," Tae insisted, "he will keep doing this if you don't stop him."

"Taehyung, can we speak alone?"

Tae was confused by the request. Hoseok and his sister did not oppose, not wanting to be in the emperor's presence more than necessary.

"Were you hurt?" Was the first thing that left Jeongguk's lips once the other two were gone.

He could not help himself from stretching his hand out to touch the red mark Seokjin left on Taehyung's shoulder. His fingers brushed the hurt spot, a pain whine slipping Tae's mouth. He stepped out of his grasp, cleaning his throat.

"This is not about me. What are you going to do?"

Jeongguk looked away, fingers tapping his folded arms. Taehyung did not like his gloomy expression.

"Jeongguk?" He inquired, anxiety pressing his already clenched heart.

"What do you want me to do?" Jeongguk finally looked at him torn.

Taehyung's eyebrows went up. He was not expecting that response. He was not expecting Jeongguk to care so little.

"What do you mean? Do something! Do not simply stand there with your arms crossed as this happens! It's your fault she is in this situation after all."

"She is his slave," Jeongguk said with pity, the words as hard to be spoken as they were for Tae to hear, "I'm sorry, but he can do what he wants."

"That is absurd!" Taehyung's arms flew up in revolt, as he started pacing around the room.

"That is the law, Taehyung, what do you want me to do about it?"

Tae faced him disgusted.

"I don't care if it is law! It is not fair and you know it!"

"What did I tell you?" Jeongguk raised a brow, "This world is not fair. I am already breaking one law for you-"

"Then break another!" Taehyung demanded, not backing down.

"I cannot."

"Yes, you can, you are the emperor! You simply do not want to. At least have the decency to be honest."

"It is not that," he insisted frustrated, "I wish I could, but-"

"You keep telling me that, that you wish things were different, yet when you have the power to change them what do you do, Jeongguk?" Taehyung went up to him, drilling into his eyes fiercely, "Nothing. I thought you were better."

"And I, that we were beginning to understand each other. I fought very hard to build what I have here, a better place, not that you would know, being so stuck in your high horse and your perfect life."

"My life was not perfect!" Taehyung's index finger poked at his chest, "I may not have suffered the way you did, true, but like you love telling me, do not judge someone you don't know!"

Jeongguk breathed heavily, the room seeming to close around them.

"I cannot risk everything for one slave." He looked down, avoiding Taehyung's disappointed gaze that was so difficult to bare. "Please understand."

Taehyung chewed on his tongue, a sour taste on his mouth as he held back tears. He turned around, away from him.

"Oh I understand..." he retorted dry. Jeongguk's head darted up in hope, but it was short lived, "It was I who was foolish enough to believe you were different."

"Taehyung..." he pleaded, taking his wrist before he could leave, "I am."

Tae freed himself, head cocking over his shoulder.

"Stop, Jeongguk," he asked with a shred of voice, "stop preaching one thing and then doing another."

Jeongguk's heart sank as he watched Taehyung walk out, aware any sort of friendship that had been flourishing between the two of them had just been killed. But, even worse, aware Tae was correct in everything he said. Jeongguk was no more than a fake, a broken oath, a doll for the interests of others. Despite what he liked to tell himself, what had changed? After all that struggle, all his and his father's work, he was not the man he promised he would be. He was still being pushed around, subject to his fears. He was the most powerful man in that land, then why did he feel so much like a scared boy?

Taehyung felt even worse seeing the letdown on his friend's faces, that he was certain was reflected on his.

"We really are on our own."

That should be no novelty, no surprise. He was stupid to ever consider it wasn't the case. Stupid, stupid Taehyung, wandering where he should not go, playing with strangers, breaking his own rules. Let that be a lesson for him to stop seeing things that are not there.

Hoseok cared for his sister's wounds, it was what they could do. Not that it made a difference, they all knew it was only a matter of time until she was hurt again. But it was better than doing nothing.

Taehyung walked her back to her fancy cage since Hoseok had to work.

"We will find a way." He assured when it was time for her to go.

"We know the way, Taehyung," she whispered, pulling him closer, "Hobi told me about your plan."

His plan. Tae couldn't breath.

"Oh, yes..." he stared at the ground, "Yes, I will take care of everything."

"I am proud of you, Taetae."

Taehyung cocked his head back to see her weak smile.

"You are?"

"You know people back home doubted you. Especially at the temple. But not me. I always knew you had a great destiny ahead. And now you found it."

"Yes. I did, didn't I?" His brows furrowed. She cupped his cheeks.

"Be brave."

He nodded, wrapping her in a hug he was afraid of breaking. Taehyung had a mission. Nothing else should occupy his thoughts beside that. His dagger remained over the nightstand, untouched, immaculate. A constant reminder that Jeongguk still lived and breathed and walked around that palace as if he was a god. And everyday that happened Taehyung was failing. He did not feel proud or special. Far from it. That was the thing about great destinies, wasn't it? They were terribly miserable paths.

Notes:

Well, this was painful to write. I would love to hear your thoughts! Thank you for reading :)

Chapter 14

Jeongguk disappeared after the discussion, to Taehyung's relief. The last thing he wanted was to face the emperor. When the time came for his lessons, Taehyung didn't go. He sat on his bed, arms tight around his knees, crying silently. There were no knocks on the door whatsoever. He was afraid to sleep, refusing to use the sage, rejecting any symbol of Jeongguk's illusory kindness. Maybe he did have good intentions - who knows what was on his heart? - but actions spoke a lot louder than words. And it was tiring trying to interpret his when everything about Jeongguk seemed so contradictory. He must have realized that as he did not go after Tae at all on the next days. It was for the best, Taehyung was sick of hearing lies and excuses. And yet he couldn't avoid feeling even more disappointed.

"Yah! Taehyung!" A raspy voice called from behind him as he wandered around the hallways lost in himself.

Taehyung stopped on his tracks, looking around for who yelled. Jimin and Yoongi were whispering to each other a few meters away. He frowned, walking up to them, moved more by curiosity than genuine interest.

"Yes?"

"What happened to Jeongguk?" Yoongi asked wasting no time.

Taehyung blinked at loss.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me." He snarled, narrowing his eyes, "You were the last person to be with him, what happened?"

"Yoongi." Jimin placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. Nothing happened. He was perfectly fine when we spoke."

"He has not left his room in the past three days." Jimin hugged himself. "He is barely eating and won't let anyone in."

Taehyung was sure he must have heard it wrong.

"What?"

It made no sense. Did Jeongguk suddenly grow a conscience? Was he avoiding Taehyung as much as Tae was avoiding him?

"He hasn't even shown to the training centre. It is unlike him." Yoongi huffed. Concern was a new shade on him. "Still want to claim nothing happened?"

"It has nothing to do with me. Thus, not my problem."

Yoongi advanced against him, ready for a fight, but was held back by Jimin.

"Not your problem, you bastard? Jeongguk has given you a home, food, and clothes. Maybe try being a little grateful?"

"He is only repairing the mistakes he made."

"He did not have to repair shit! Your people lost, you are lucky you aren't all getting eaten by bugs now."

"Yoongi, stop!" Jimin stomped his foot, pulling at the general's arm. "I am so sorry, Taehyung."

"No, Jimin, it's fine. I expect no decency from his kind."

Taehyung ignored Yoongi's glare, not staying around to continue their silly quarrel. Truly, he was desperate for fresh air. Those walls were becoming constrictive, he could not breathe there anymore.

If Jeongguk was expecting him to care then he would rot alone in that room. But why would he worry about what Taehyung thought anyway? He was probably feeling guilty about how he handled the issue. Well, he should! Taehyung hoped he was feeling like the scum he was. If he never had to see him again it would be fine with him.

Loud horns disturbed his troubled thoughts. They sounded similar to the ones played on the day of their arrival, but less festive. The response was immediate, excited murmurs spreading amongst the people that began gathering on the square. Taehyung was pushed around not understanding what was happening. The horns were blown again and again, more people coming in, swaying him. A man Taehyung thought he had seen with Jeongguk before stepped out of the palace, staying on top of the long stairs. He carried a roll of paper under his arm. The horns sounded one last shorter time and the crowd fell silent, expectation was palpable. The man unfolded the roll carefully.

"In the name of our magnificent emperor I hereby declare that under Jeongguk's rule no violence towards slaves will be tolerated. Issues of disrespect and disobedience must be brought to our sovereign's judgement and then appropriate punishment will be administered. Any denounces of abuse made against owners will be analyzed and if proven true the offender will suffer consequences ranging from paying fines to loosing said slave. This decision is final. Long live Jeongguk."

There was an instant of dumbfounded stillness as the news were digested before the people erupted in cheers of "long live Jeongguk" that Taehyung would have found so ironic instants prior. At that moment, though, a thousand different thoughts occupied his mind. He had no idea what to make of that announcement. Was it true? Jeongguk... Had he actually changed the law?

The movement that surrounded him became a blur as Taehyung wrapped his mind around those words. He was so adamant when confronted, why changing now? Could it be that Tae really influenced him somehow? Or Jeongguk simply saw the error of his ways? Again and again the emperor didn't cease to bewilder him. He didn't know how to feel about it. Happy obviously, it meant that Dawon would be spared from all that pain. But there was also a twist on his stomach and he couldn't quite pinpoint the cause. It seemed petty and childish to be angry at him after what he just did and yet Tae was. Nothing made sense when it involved that man.

Word traveled quickly garnering varied reactions, mostly good, at least among the lower class people. When it came to the ones like Seokjin Tae sensed Jeongguk would have a storm incoming. He did not care though. Truly, he didn't. As he told Yoongi, it was not his problem. But if he really was in anyway responsible for Jeongguk's change of heart than perhaps it became.

Taehyung ran to Dawon wanting to be the first to tell her the news, however another slave was already speaking to her excitedly.

"So you have heard already?" He asked smiling widely.

Dawon looked from the other girl to Taehyung, throwing her arms around him.

"We did it!"

"I guess we did. Well, actually Jeongguk did."

She snorted, pushing him away.

"Don't mention him. He did no more than his obligation."

Taehyung rubbed his arm.

"I suppose."

"I wonder why he changed his mind..."

"I don't know," he shrugged, "I am not him."

"Yes, you are not." She muttered, cocking her head to the side, "Yet you seem to resonate with him."

"Hm?" Taehyung looked up.

"And you were so certain that he was the one we should go to. Where did that came from, Taehyung?"

"Oh," he swallowed dry. There was no reason to feel like a criminal caught red handed, "just something he mentioned once."

"I see. Well, his work was only halfway done. He should have ended this once and for all."

"Didn't your father used to have a few slaves back home too? From debt?"

"Two wrongs do not make a right, Taehyung, I expected you to know that."

"Well and what about... My destiny? Is that not the same reasoning?"

"No, dear," she cupped his cheeks, "your destiny is not wrong. It is what the gods want, how could it be wrong?"

"You are right, noona, of course." He smiled weakly, stepping away from her touch. "I should go."

"Go, now I can say I'll be fine."

Thanks to Jeongguk.

The palace was agitated once he got back, tension thick enough to be cut. Taehyung couldn't get rid of the concerns that creeped in on his chest.

"Please, do you know where Jeonggu-, I mean, the emperor is?" He asked a servant that passed by.

Her eyes widened a the mention of that name. It only confirmed his suspicions. When she said Jeongguk was in a meeting Taehyung had no doubt.

The large doors of the great hall were closed, but a buzz slipped through the cracks. A small figure was glued to it trying to eavesdrop.

"Jimin?" Taehyung asked, coming close to him.

Jimin jumped, surprised by the other. His hand clutched his chest.

"Aish!"

"Sorry."

"Be quiet." He ordered, waving for Taehyung to join him.

"What is happening?" He whispered, putting his ear against the wood, almost the same spot he took on the night of the feast.

"Soldiers, lots of them coming for Jeongguk's throat because of the new law."

"Already? They were fast."

"It meddled with an important structure of the kingdom, what did you expect?"

The voices were muffled, but the animosity was discernible. An argument was taking place and apparently things were quickly escalating.

"Will this bring him problems?" Tae inquired, observing Jimin's worried expression.

"I thought you did not care."

"Well, this might be my fault."

Jimin eyed him confused by the sudden confession. Taehyung ignored his stare, regretting bringing it up.

"What do you mean? What happened between you two?"

"Never mind. This is none of my business."

Jimin opened his mouth to question him further, but Taehyung was faster, leaving, not giving him a chance to. There were too many clouds on his mind for him to think clearly.

He fell dismantled on the bed, praying that Jeongguk would not let himself be intimidated. Worse than not having what you crave is having and then losing it. Perhaps he should have entered the room and stood with him. He should have argued with all those disgusting, arrogant pigs, told them what they needed to hear. Odds, though, were they would strike him right there. His blood would stain the floor of the great hall, running beneath the door up to Jimin's feet. Taehyung groaned, pressing his eyeballs. He needed to stop being so morbid. He was alive! Even if he couldn't feel it sometimes he was alive.

"What am I supposed to do, hyung?" He murmured to the pillow that was clutched to his chest, "Why are you not here when I need you the most?"

But Taehyung did not have to ask to know what his brother would say. He knew Namjoon like the back of his hand. Namjoon would tell him to live.

"Taehyung?" Jeongguk's voice echoed outside the door, surprising him. "It's me."

Tae sat up in a snap, baffled by that visit. He wasn't sure of how much time had passed while he was adrift in his own world. He jumped from the bed, tiptoeing closer.

"I know you are there," he sighed. The door shook a little, making Tae think he was probably leaning on it, "and I imagine you don't want to see me. I wouldn't want to see myself either."

"Is that why you did it?" Tae asked in a whim, "Were you feeling guilty?"

"I did it because you were right. About everything. When I... When I was younger I saw so much injustice, so much ugliness in this world and I couldn't understand why no one would stand against it, try to make things different... Everything I do, I do to protect what I built in this city, in my empire. I think along the way I forgot why. I made a promise to myself that I would be better than those before me. This is what I am doing, or trying to do, now.

"Dawon - that is her name, correct? - she is also free from Seokjin, to choose another place she wishes to work at."

Taehyung licked his lips, fingers running over the handle before finally pressing it. Jeongguk nearly fell inside his chambers. The emperor gathered himself quickly, cleaning his throat in a failed attempt to disguise his embarassement. A shy red painted his cheeks that he was quick to hide.

"Tell me." Tae folded his arms.

"What?" he looked up confused. Dark rings hang around his eyes.

"You wanted us to understand each other, then tell me, Jeongguk. Tell me why this place is so important to you to the point of making you forget your own morals."

He thought the man would deny it, that he would get defensive and criticize Taehyung for being nosy. But Jeongguk simply nodded.

"Fine. Tonight, at the training centre."

Tae's brows went up.

"Do I have to win you first?"

"No. No tricks, no stalling. Just you, me and the truth."

"I will be ready."

Chapter 15

Taehyung felt even more nervous that night than their first one. It was visible that Jeongguk was apprehensive, his shoulders rigid, tongue pressed against his cheek. Part of Tae was remorseful about having pressured him. Whatever it was clearly affected him deeply. But Taehyung was sick of guessing games. They were not children anymore.

"Well then, we are here," he had his hands on his hips, staring at the gulping Jeongguk, "tell me."

"I'll show you."

Taehyung was confused, to say the least, when Jeongguk started undoing his garment. His fingers fumbled with the fine fabric, yet he didn't lose Tae of his focus for even one moment. Despite the discomfort of the situation and the burning sensation on the pit of his stomach, Taehyung couldn't bring himself to look away either, eyes pulled to Jeongguk like a magnet.

"Jeongguk, what are you doing?" Tae grinned sheepishly, his cheeks were getting hot, "I have seen this before, you are not exactly shy about your body."

That made the emperor chuckle a bit, but not enough to dissolve the reluctance in his eyes.

"Not this, you haven't. This is something I always make sure to keep hidden."

"What-" but Taehyung lost his voice once he turned around.

Scars. So many scars, one etched over the other, ingrained in a twisted shape. It barely resembled skin anymore. Taehyung forgot how to speak. It did not go unnoticed to him the way Jeongguk's shoulders went up and down rapidly with his shaky breaths. He desperately wanted to soothe him, however had no idea how. He was not even sure he fully grasped the situation. Hesitantly, he moved closer. It was impossible to say how many times he had been hit. The skin was bumpy, completely deformed. Taehyung was drawn to him, raising his trembling fingers, touching Jeongguk as delicately as he could. Still, the emperor flinched.

"Jeongguk... I... How?"

"You asked me why this place is so important to me. Here is your answer. It is the first place I feel safe at." He pulled the fabric back up, covering the appalling sight. He turned around, unable to look him in the eyes. "Sorry you had to see this."

"No. Don't." Taehyung held his arm, the emperor looking surprised at his clasped hand.

Tae let it fall down, realizing he was invading the other's space. Jeongguk's gaze met his.

"What happened?"

"I told you we were drifters, but we were still in this land, still subject to the ones that commanded it mercilessly and if we wanted to survive we had to conform..." his arms were crossed protectively in front of his chest, "Some of these I got for lousy work. Others I got for making mistakes, like your friend. Some were granted by my ever so lovely father to toughen me. Most, though, I received when I was caught stealing food for my sister."

"You have a sister?" Tae's brows went up.

"I had a sister," he murmured, "she died very young. She was a weak child. Sick. We knew there was no place for her in this world and yet we desperately tried. I was a child myself. Around the thirtieth whip, I think, I blacked out."

"I am so sorry..."

"I don't want your pity, Taehyung." Jeongguk's night eyes stared at him, he swallowed dry, "I want you to understand where I come from. I want to remind myself. I cannot forget it, ever, or I will become like them. What you said took me back to this time, to the boy who wailed, begging for someone to help him..."

Jeongguk's voice broke. There was a strange twinge at Tae's heart. The emperor thinned his lips, composing himself.

"I promised I would make things different, create a safe place where everyone could feel at home and protected. Where no one would have to face what I faced. And for that I killed, for that I caused pain. I had to ensure loyalty so I gave my soldiers slaves and other spoils... It's ironic, isn't it? How power and self righteousness break us slowly. We get so obsessed with not losing what we got that we end up losing ourselves. So thank you, Taehyung, for reminding me of the man I want to be."

Taehyung was in shock, his mouth agape. He had never imagined Jeongguk to have such somber past. By then, though, Tae should have grown accustomed to being surprised by him. The more he got to know Jeongguk, the more Taehyung realized he didn't know him, if that even made sense. And the more he wanted to know.

More than that, he would never have expected Jeongguk to bare himself for him. To share such painful and intimate memories with Taehyung showed a level of trust Tae felt almost honored, if not puzzled, to have bestowed upon him.

"I... I am happy I could do that. Thank you for telling me." He smiled faintly, fidgeting. "And I don't think you should hide them, Jeongguk."

"You don't think they are a repulsive?" He raised a brow, tilting his head. "It's fine, I do too."

"No, I don't. I think they carved you into the man you are today. They tell your history of survival and thrive. My brother used to say that the path to greatness is filled with thorns. You should not feel ashamed of them."

Jeongguk beamed.

"Strangely, around you I don't."

Chapter 16

Taehyung hummed an old lullaby without much thought. It was one of those memories so deep and intrinsic that one forgets where exactly they come from. It was no specific moment or scene that played on his mind, only a song, Namjoon's voice and his own. Home. His brush danced with the black ink elegantly over the paper, creating the symbols he was used to painting. As an apprentice Taehyung always done so. It had been a long time since he painted himself, though. His abilities were not the best, but from all the things he had had to learn that seemed the simplest one. A loud noise startled him, making Tae jump slightly on his spot, almost falling down on the patio on the other side.

"Sorry." Jeongguk's head showed up behind a pillar. He crouched taking a metal vase he had dropped. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Taehyung's brows furrowed.

"How long have you been there?"

"Not long... I was passing and saw you and, well, I did not want to disturb."

"Then why didn't you leave?" Tae tilted his head, finding it funny.

"I was curious, actually." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't know you could paint."

"There are many things you don't know about me." Tae smiled at the paper, continuing his precise movements.

"True," Jeongguk sat over the stone balcony, facing him, "but I want to."

"Ask away. But I can't promise I will answer." He teased with a mischievous grin. Jeongguk snorted, hugging his knee.

"What are you painting?"

"Religious motives for tonight's celebrations. I needed some practice. Everyone painted their skin for the festivities in my city."

"Really? Why?"

"I... Don't know." Taehyung confessed, letting out a small chuckle. "It is tradition. I think that, like every symbol, it represents a bind."

"Of what?"

"The godly and the mundane; us as a people." Tae shrugged, pensive. "It became a way of expressing our culture, I suppose, to be united."

"Would you..." Jeongguk hesitated, wetting his lips, "Would you mark me? Please?"

Taehyung looked up surprised by the request. Jeongguk watched him attentively with his big eyes full of expectations. He seemed worried? As if he was afraid it might offend him. But Tae was not upset. If anything, he was intrigued.

"Do you want that?"

"I want to understand you, Taehyung. To be a part of your world."

If asked, Tae would not be able to explain the feeling that bloomed on his chest upon hearing that, or why he agreed to do it. But it felt right and, as much as he tried to deny it, Taehyung had always been more feeling than thought. He took Jeongguk's hand in his, running his fingers over the bumps of his skin. The tip of the brush was dipped once more in the dark liquid. Jeongguk flinched at the sensation, his teeth showing. Tae moved the brush fluidly, copying the pattern that was etched into his own hand.

"It tickles," Jeongguk muttered, laughter in his voice.

"At least it doesn't hurt like mine did."

"Why did you allow them to hurt you?"

"It was a bit of a test, or rite of passage. Like your battles. I'm glad I went through it, it made me..."

"Stronger." Jeongguk completed.

Taehyung met his gaze, nodding.

"Yes. Plus, as I said it's a symbol of my religion. Faith comes with sacrifice."

"I hate that." He looked away, pursing his lips, "If I am being honest, it surprises me that you were a priest, Taehyung. Or an apprentice." Jeongguk quickly added when Tae glanced at him.

"To be honest, it surprises me too." Taehyung sighed staring at the drawings, "It was more of my father's doing than mine. No one thought I could make a good priest. Not even me, to be honest."

"And you simply accepted it?" He furrowed his brows, "Kim Taehyung not fighting for what he believes in? What kind of terrible world would that be?"

Taehyung nudged him, the corners of his lips curling up.

"An easier one for you, that I'm sure of."

"I don't like easy, Taehyung. I like your spirit."

"You would be one of the first people to say so." Tae smiled, however Jeongguk caught the shade of sadness behind it. "I haven't gotten to be this way in a long time."

It was a strange feeling, not something he could properly describe. Perhaps the best way to word it would be a butterfly leaving its pod. But then again, his father used to say he romanticized things a bit too much.

"How can you be like that?" Jeongguk questioned suddenly, leaning closer, studying him as if Taehyung was a piece of art, "How can you have so much loyalty? And devotion and... And conviction?"

"I could ask you the same." Tae replied, holding him in his eyes. "How can you live with none of this? With no balance, or guidance? No certainty. Unpredictable and uncontrollable like fire."

"I live according to my own rules."

"And how does it feel?"

Jeongguk shrugged, going back to his original position.

"It does not matter. I learned the hard way that we truly only have ourselves to trust in this world."

"We both know that this is not true."

"You saw what happened the moment I displeased my soldiers with the slavery issue. They all turned against me. I fooled myself into believing they wouldn't, but..."

"Then their support was never real. True loyalty is about giving, trusting, understanding."

"And again, I admire you." Jeongguk rested his chin on the free hand. "Did the priests teach you this?"

"My brother." He beamed, "He also taught me to paint. But he liked to paint the scenery more."

"He seems to have been a great man. You always smile so fondly when speaking of him."

"He was," Tae murmured, looking down.

"When do you miss him the most?"

"All the time. Mostly, though, when I need someone to talk to. People did not look at me with good eyes back home. When I was younger I was a bit impetuous and foolish... They thought I was odd. But Namjoon never did. He always heard what I had to say, even the smallest, stupidest things." Taehyung chuckled, looking away. A wave of memories engulfed him, pulling at his heartstrings. For the first time, though, pain was not the prevalent feeling. It was still there, throbbing, but overshadowed by love and joy to have had someone like that in his life. "He believed in me, wholeheartedly. I reckon that it’s one of greatest things you can do for a person."

"I think he was right to."

"It meant a lot coming from him. Everyone respected Namjoon, he was brilliant, well spoken, charming... A born leader. Whenever I needed someone he would be there. He was my foundation. Our father was head of the council for a long time, he was devoted to his work in the city, another characteristic Namjoon inherited. He was always a greater politician than a parent. But he did his best with what he had to offer."

"I understand. My father too was not the man I wished him to be," Jeongguk confessed, "but, to be fair, I did not become what he expected either."

"What did he expect?"

"Someone like him? Tougher, respectable, ruthless... Unbreakable. He was... Stone. Imposing, even scary. Next to him, I am no more than a weak boy." Jeongguk stared at the the painting, trying to appear serene, but his clenched teeth gave him away. Taehyung watched him attentively. "I know he would have been disappointed."

"He shouldn't." The murmur escaped his lips before Tae could hold it.

"What?" Jeongguk's head darted up.

"There," Taehyung tapped his arm, satisfied with himself, "now you are ready."

Jeongguk gasped, his eyes sparkling as he tilted his hand, observing the drawing from all angles. The pattern was the same as the one burned on Tae's hand. At least for one night they were the same.

"Thank you." He smiled at Tae, "It's beautiful, Taehyung. You are very talented."

"I am not." He blushed. How funny to have someone tell him that. "It is not as difficult as it looks. Try it."

Taehyung extended his arm and offered Jeongguk the brush. The emperor raised his brows at him. Tae nodded encouragingly.

"Really?"

"Do it, before I change my mind."

Jeongguk clicked his tongue, growing excited. He studied the drawings on Tae's paper, eyes darting from them to his canvas. Taehyung was amused watching him frown, struggling with it.

"Perhaps... Is it like this?" Jeongguk showed him what he was able to reproduce in his arm.

Taehyung cackled, covering his mouth,

"It is a start, I suppose."

"Oh! I think it looks good."

"I am the teacher here, Jeon Jeongguk. I should be harsh with you as payback for my lessons."

"Do you have complaints now?" Jeongguk grimaced, crossing his arms. "I reckon you should be grateful."

"As a matter of fact I do. What are you going to do about it?"

Taehyung raised his thick brows, challenging him. Jeongguk leaned foward, the sudden movement taking Taehyung off guard. Before he could regain control over his body, though, the emperor's pointer finger bopped his nose gently, coloring it black. He laughed at Tae's shock, enjoying the opportunity to paint a line on his soft cheek. But Taehyung did not leave at that. He dipped his finger on the ink, coloring Jeongguk's face as well, giggling as the emperor's jaw dropped in fake outrage.

"Kim Taehyung!" His voice become softer with the laughter, the wide smile causing crinkles to appear around his eyes. It was strangely endearing. What? No. No. Jeon Jeongguk was most certainly not endearing, he was not-

"Jeongguk?!" Another voice called, surprising both.

Jeongguk fixed his posture at once, the chuckles dying.

"Oh, hello, Yoongi."

Tae avoided Yoongi's glare that moved back and forth between the two.

"You have sword practice now, did you forget?"

"I... Yes, I did."

"I thought so. What is that on your face?"

"It's ink," Taehyung replied, "we were painting."

"I asked the emperor, not you."

"Don't speak to Taehyung like that." Jeongguk interceded, standing up. Taehyung could not help smirking at the general's sour expression. "We should head to practice."

Jeongguk's shoulders went up, as did his chin. Taehyung recognized it. It was the look of someone who wanted to be respected, to be taken seriously. He had done the exact same thing to walk through his city more times than he could remember. It seemed even a man as powerful as Jeon Jeongguk had masks to wear. As he passed by, the paler man grabbed his wrist, taking it up to his eyes. Jeongguk, immediately pulled it back, glaring furiously at the other.

"What is this?" Yoongi scowled.

"Use your eyes, they are there for a reason after all."

"Are you one of them now?" Yoongi pointed at Tae, spitting the words as if they were a grave offense.

Taehyung knew it was dumb, he was aware of Yoongi's despise towards him, and yet he let it hit him. He let it hurt.

"I am the emperor." Jeongguk reminded as he walked closer, looking at him from above. "Now you may go practice with me or stand here like a fool."

Yoongi huffed, bowing his head. Jeongguk left with him on his trail.

Taehyung leaned back on the wall, processing what had happened. His heart was beating unusually fast. He placed a hand over it, wondering what was happening. Surely, it must have been Yoongi's unexpected appearance, how he made Taehyung uncomfortable. Surely. He observed the rudimentary drawings Jeongguk had done on him, tracing his fingers around it. He wasn't bad.

When the sun was downing, Tae went to back to his chambers to prepare himself. As much as he did not want to admit it, he was excited. It was good to feel that part of him was not damaged by the past events. As he perfumed and decorated himself beautifully, like it was so natural for him to do in nights like those, Tae could forget all that had happened. He could pretend things were as they had ever been. And yet, once he looked into the mirror, ready to leave, he noticed mesmerized he was not the same. No. He was so much more.

Notes:

So, I started posting this story on twitter as a thread fic. Up until chapter 15 everything was already written, i just had to revise, so that is why I overwhelmed you with updates. From now on the rhythm will slow down, but I will do my absolute best to update at least once a week. For all the lovelies that followed me here from twitter thank you so much for your continued support. To all the new readers, I appreciate you guys so much. Thank you for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts <3

Chapter 17

Taehyung was aware he looked stunning. The widened eyes gawking at him when he stepped into the embellished patio of the palace did not come as a surprise. What was unexpected, though, was the way Jeongguk's hands froze in the middle of taking his chalice to his lips upon his appearance. Taehyung was confused by the cryptic intense stare he directed at him from the other side. He didn't understand why his eyes grew even bigger, darker, swallowing him whole from meters apart. A shiver ran down Tae's spine. It was disconcerting. And yet he could not bring himself to move away.

"Taehyung?" Jimin touched his elbow, breaking Tae from the trance momentarily, "You look gorgeous!"

Tae smiled sheepishly, joining his hands in front of his body.

"Thank you, Jimin. So do you."

"Guk told me you will dance, is that right?"

"Guk?" Taehyung blinked, head tilting to the side.

"Jeongguk, silly." Jimin giggled, tapping his arm lightly, "We are all excited to watch you."

"Oh, yes..." Tae looked back, searching for "Guk", but he was already occupied speaking to someone else. "Hm... What about you? Anything planned?"

"I always sing at celebrations like this."

Jimin had a nice and warm voice, it made sense that he could sing.

"Something tells me you are great."

"I'm not sure, but I appreciate the support. I always get a bit nervous." Jimin ruffled his own hair, observing the guests, "What about you?"

"I'm nervous too," Tae confessed, "I don't know why, I used to dance all the time back home."

"I'm sure you will do well. Just pretend you are there."

Tae had his bottom lip between his teeth. Back home there were no people who wanted to kill him. Back home he would not have to worry about the impression he would cause. Back home no one looked at him the way Jeongguk did.

Tae followed Jimin around, as the crescent eyes boy was still the one he felt more comfortable with, being introduced to all the high profile members of Jeongguk's circle, soldiers, advisors, merchants. There was a lot of curiosity surrounding him, his tattoos, his garment, his city. Taehyung had never had any difficulty conversing or making friends. It was quite the contrary, actually, he had to be stopped from speaking too much for his own good. But alas a day came when he was not eager to mingle anymore. As polite as most of those people were all they did was remind him that, despite his attempt to relive his traditions, he was not home anymore. The feeling grew even worse once Hoseok passed him by with a plate of food in his arms, head down, not daring facing any of the guests.

"I have made business with some other Shan merchants before and..."

"Excuse me, please." Taehyung interrupted the man whose name he had already forgotten.

"Taehyung?" Jimin frowned, but Tae was already moving.

Hoseok's rags stood out in the middle of all that opulence, yet he seemed invisible. He joined the other slaves in setting the long table with more food than he probably had gotten to eat his whole time there.

"Hyung." Tae called softly, approaching him.

Hoseok turned around without the smile Tae hoped to see. Truly, he seemed emotionless.

"I can not speak right now."

"What? Hyung, I-"

But Hoseok ignored him, moving back to where he came from with the rest of the workers. Taehyung was left full of questions, watching as his friend faded.

"Are you alright?" A man asked noticing his desolated expression.

Tae cleaned his throat, getting his head back to the situation at hand. His company was unfamiliar.

"Yes, thank you."

He started to walk away but the man quickly spoke up, preventing him from.

"You are Kim Taehyung, aren't you? The Shan boy."

"I am."

"I'm Park Bogum, nice to finally meet you." He bowed slightly at him, grinning widely. "You are even more beautiful than word suggested."

Taehyung made an effort to smile.

"Again, thank you."

"How have you been liking Jinse?"

"It's nice." Taehyung shrugged not interested in the conversation.

He kept glancing around to see if Hoseok would show up again. Something was wrong, Tae could sense it.

"Is that all? Some would say it is the most beautiful city in this land. Don't you agree?"

"No, not really."

"Perhaps you didn't have a good guide then. I would love to show you the city."

"Taehyung."

He did not even have to check to know who that voice belonged to. The reverence Park Bogum made only confirmed it.

"Jeongguk." He turned, finding those two black dots piercing him.

Taehyung's lips parted in a gasp he couldn't suffocate as his eyes drifted to his naked torso. Jeongguk was not dressed that differently from him, golden chains the only thing involving his upper body. There was no cape, no fabric. Taehyung immediately worried about his scars, as if someone like Jeongguk needed his concern.

"I wish to speak with you, Taehyung," he glanced at Bogum, "alone."

The other man nodded, giving Tae one last longing glance before leaving. Jeongguk watched him go with a frown.

"Your back," were the first words Tae uttered, getting the emperor's attention back to himself, "you are not hiding it."

"No," Jeongguk beamed at the ground, "someone convinced me not to."

"Are you... Are you comfortable with it?" Taehyung's hands cupped his own cheeks, "I mean, how do you feel?"

"I cannot say it was an easy decision." He laughed through his nose, humorlessly. "Once you get used to hiding something it feels strange not to. But I also feel free. And brave, as silly as it may sound."

"It is not silly. I don't know if I can say this, but I think I am oddly proud of you." Taehyung chuckled.

"You can say whatever you want to me."

Tae's voice was stuck on his throat.

"Hm..." he coughed, "You wanted to speak to me?"

"I came to invite you to seat next to me."

"Me?" Taehyung asked, gaze moving back to his face, "Why?"

Jeongguk fought against a smile that threatened to take his lips.

"Because you are, undoubtedly, the most interesting person in this celebration."

"Well, we both agree on that." Taehyung smirked, licking his heart shaped lips. "Fine, I will."

"Good."

"Good."

Silence fell. The two man were absorbed in each other, dragging shamelessly on their study of the other's figure. Jeongguk was strong. Taehyung felt that in their training, in the way he yielded a sword easily, how he trapped him against the wall as if it was nothing. And he had seen it. Jeongguk was built like a sculpture, like art. He was marble, exposed to the highest temperature, carved, even cracked.

"Shall we?" The emperor said, indicating the table.

Taehyung gulped, nodding. What was happening with him that night? Something seemed to be taking over his reason.

Tae ate more then he believed he could, a variety of flavors and scents he had not known before waking his senses. Jeongguk watched him try every dish, laughing at his grimaces, questioning how he found the taste.

"This..." Taehyung sighed chewing, placing a hand over Jeongguk's arm, "This is so good!"

"I'm glad you liked it. It is one of my favorites too."

"I have never eaten anything quite like it. It makes me miss my food a little bit less."

"Then I'm glad." Jeongguk sipped his wine cockily. "I dare to say, Kim Taehyung, that you are actually enjoying this."

"I am not." Taehyung said before stuffing himself with more meat.

"It is alright to allow yourself to be happy again."

Taehyung went rigid, dropping his food. He swallowed hard.

"Please, don't."

Jeongguk's mouth went agape.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to overstep..."

But his words were cut short. Yoongi tapped at his shoulder, leaning down to whisper something on his ear. The emperor nodded. The creaking noise of his chair moving called the guests' attention, the conversation dying down as Jeongguk got up.

"Firstly, I would like to officially welcome all of you, I hope you enjoy the night. Now, may the celebrations truly begin."

Claps sounded, following his words. Jimin took the center of the hall, accompanied by a girl with a harp. His voice was the same as his smile. A voice of spring, of flowers and green meadow. Taehyung's grin was reflected on all the other faces around. It impressed him, particularly, the way Yoongi's eyes shone gazing at him, a charmed expression Taehyung was surprised to liken to love. Yes, it was love. The purest kind at that, the kind he never imagined to find there.

The night followed on with various displays of art. As the fire was consumed, Taehyung's heart beat quickened. He kept rearranging constantly on his chair, never getting more comfortable. When Jeongguk called for him to stand, all the eyes were fixated on him, dying to see the new "exotic" display. They wouldn't understand, Taehyung knew that. They wouldn't grasp the true meaning behind it, or what made his dance beautiful. It did not matter. He wasn't dancing for them, anyway.

His bare feet familiarized with the ground, toes curling. The crackling of the fire was the only noise heard. His hands went to their place on their own. Tae swallowed dry, inhaling one last sharp breath before the music involved him. His eyes shut. All thoughts vanished, weight lifted of him. Taehyung's body moved fluidly in its own accord, powered by a greater force. He had almost forgotten the euphoria that came with dancing, filling him up. He was in his natural element. The word sacred had never been so true.

Behind his closed lids, Jeongguk was in a trance of his own, enticed by the alluring flow, swayed. The glinting gold that played around Tae's honey skin hypnotized him. In that gracious dance were all the dazing impressions Kim Taehyung had made on him: strength and delicacy, charm and crudeness, rationality and passion, purity and undeniable sensuality. A rose with thorns so inviting Jeongguk was ready to bleed. Taehyung was a wave drawing him in, breaking him down. He was the ardent heat of the fire and the fresh breeze of the sea. Once more Jeongguk was completely taken, even if he wanted he could not tear his eyes away. If there was any doubt left that Taehyung had bewitched him, the dancer had just crushed it.

His feline eyes fluttered open, encountering Jeongguk's sparkling ones. Taehyung was taken aback by his intensity, tripping on himself. There was a pull on his lower stomach, the air getting sucked from him. He was on the verge of falling, finishing clumsily. Applauses resonated, however Taehyung was only focused on the emperor. Jeongguk stood up, holding him in his gaze. Tae's breath quickened in expectation, but Jeongguk walked away, leaving the astonished boy not knowing what to make of that moment.

Taehyung had, as Jimin said, "become the main attraction of the night", being the novelty he was. A number of people came to speak to him, treating him as their entertainment. He deflected every question, searching the whole area for any sign of Jeongguk, who seemed to have vanished.

"Who are you looking for?" Jimin asked in a murmur, noticing his restlessness.

"What?" Tae caught himself. He looked down, shaking his head, "No one."

"Taehyung, I know you enough to notice this is a lie."

He fiddled with his fingers.

"Have you seen Jeongguk?"

"Oh!" Jimin's brows went up, "Hm... Not after your performance, no. Why?"

Tae shrugged, attempting to seem uninterested.

"It simply seems strange. This is his feast and he is not here."

Jimin scoffed, crossing his arms.

"This is not his feast. Jeongguk hardly knows most of these people beyond official affairs."

"What?"

"He only organizes these to please the powerful players here. It's politics."

Of course. Taehyung should have realized it. It seemed that night was no more than an illusion.

"I see. I think I'll go as well."

"So soon?" Jimin pouted, "Everyone wants to see more of you."

"I have had enough. Jeongguk is right, there is no point in staying."

"If that is how you feel... Good night, then. You were truly fantastic, Taehyung."

"The same goes to you."

Tae escaped the last of his admirers, dashing back to his chambers. He pushed the door of the balcony open, gasping for air. He dropped down, hands running over his face, as he tried and failed to make sense of the mess he had become. Why did he even think of being part of such shallow event in the first place? All Taehyung got was missing his home more and palpitations he didn't know the origin of. He hugged his knees, breathing in and out profoundly. The stars glistened, soothing him. Tae busied himself with finding the constellations Namjoon had taught him, too agitated to sleep. There was a knock on his door so faint he wondered if he wasn't hearing things. His heart skipped a beat when he opened it. It was very real.

"Jeongguk?" Tae whispered, frowning. He could barely make out the other's figure in the pale light of the hallway's torches.

"Good night," he muttered, coming closer, "I'm sorry... Am I bothering?"

"Have you been drinking?" He questioned, the alcohol revealing itself on Jeongguk's breath and flushed cheeks.

"Only a bit." He admitted with hoarse voice. "Please, don't fear me. I would never hurt you, Taehyung."

"I know. I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I know. Why are you here?"

"Just..." he raised his hand, trying to organize his hectic mind, "Just let me look at you. Please."

"What?" Tae shrunk, "Why?"

"Because maybe then I can understand this fever that seems to have taken over me."

"Are you feeling sick?" Without thought Tae placed a hand over his hot forehead. Droplets of sweat stuck to his hair, wetting his skin. "Let me help you get back to your-"

"Who are you?" Jeongguk placed his shaky palm over Taehyung's cheek. Tae failed to breathe when his thumb began to caress him, so gently as if he might break. "Who are you who meddles with me inside and out? Who confuses my senses and my judgment? Who are you that I have never seen quite like in any land before?"

Taehyung was having trouble forming coherent sentences. He lowered his eyes, running from the other’s.

"Jeongguk..."

"I know I have nothing but your disdain, it is what I deserve, but, for one night, please, don't direct any harsh words at me."

"I was not going to."

"Look at me, Taehyung."

Tae leaned into the touch of his hand. He shouldn't. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't deny. He wanted to see Jeongguk as much as the emperor did him. Taehyung sucked on his bottom lip as he raised his gaze timidly.

"I... You... You." Jeongguk sighed mesmerized, "For a moment, let me admire you."

It seemed like a simple enough request, but not for Taehyung. Not when Jeongguk's stare made boil inside him sensations he wasn't familiar with, that he wasn't supposed to have. Jeongguk devoured him. No one had ever unraveled him that way, peeling his layers, undressing him of his defenses. No one had ever looked at him with lust and Taehyung didn't know how to feel about it. He only knew he did not want to move away. Or more like he couldn't. As much as his mind told him to, he was not in control of his own body anymore. Jeongguk's touch seemed to have drained him of all reason, weakening him, turning him into a mess. Taehyung was pulled towards him by an invisible force. He stared at his lips, wetting his own unconsciously. His features were shaded, but Tae knew the other was gazing at him just as intensely. He felt it in the way his skin crawled. Jeongguk studied him closely, lingering on his honey mouth, raising his other hand to cup his face. Slowly he ended the space that separated them. Taehyung had not yet taken notice of how breathtaking the emperor truly was. There was nothing threatening about his starry eyes. They were warm, inviting, their secrets calling to Taehyung. The ugly truth was Tae felt good next to him. And nothing was more hateful than that.

"Jeongguk." he hushed, not recognizing his own voice. Taehyung lowered his head. The emperor's breathing hit his hairline. "You should leave."

Jeongguk's hands slipped down, his skin losing contact with Taehyung's. He stepped back.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

"Taehyung, I..." he choked out, hiccupping softly.

Tae turned away, moving the door to stand between them.

"Please, go."

Jeongguk could not take his gaze away of him even as Taehyung closed the door on his face, finally freeing himself of his hold. He leaned against the wood breathing with difficulty. His heart thumped strongly against his ribs, wanting to burst out. A cold sweat made his hands slippery, heat waves going through his body. He was sick like Jeongguk. He must be going through the same. Yes, how could he not realize it before? There was something happening to him, unlike anything else before, that made his legs weak, his thoughts turve and his mouth dry. Taehyung had the fever.

 

 

Notes:

Hey cuties! This chapter gave me a lot of work, but i really love it. I hope you did too. Please let me know your thoughts, I love reading your comments.

You should know that my inspiration for their visuals on this chapter and what inspired me to actually start with the story in the first place were the beautiful fanarts @xxerru post on her insta and twitter. Check them out they are gorgeous!

The next one is coming later this week. Thank you for reading ♡

Chapter 18

Notes:

Uwu hello, sorry it took me so long, this week has been a little tough. Promise i'll try to deliver the next one faster. Enjoy ;)

Taehyung left the healer with curved shoulders, sulking like a petty child, failing to disguise his frustration at her negative diagnosis. It is not that he wanted to be ill per se, he simply wanted a rational explanation for his turmoil. And if he was not sick, then what? He jiggled the bag of herbs she had given him, smelling it, sure they wouldn't be as helpful as Jeongguk's sage. Maybe he should ask Jeongguk about his sickness, perhaps it would enlighten him, give him a clue of what was happening. But for that he would have to face him first. Since the emperor had gone to his chambers Tae had not had courage to do so, scared of what might happen when he finally did. The mere thought of standing close to the man was maddening enough. Not that he could avoid it for much longer, they were supposed to meet for training that night.

Jimin was leaned on a pillar, waiting for him to come back. That thoughtful boy, he had promptly taken him to see the healer after Tae mentioned his fever. Taehyung did not want to grow fond of him, but Jimin made it almost impossible not to. The small boy jumped upon seeing him, rushing to his side with widened eyes.

"What did she say?"

He observed Taehyung's sore expression with worry that was only intensified by the loud sigh that he let out before speaking.

"That I am fine."

Jimin blinked, frowning at him.

"Why do you look like that, then? This is great! Sora is hardly ever wrong."

"I don't know, Jimin." Tae played with his bracelet, spinning it around his wrist. The mark of his shackles was barely noticeable anymore.

"When did you notice these symptoms?"

"The feast night."

"Well, that was an intense night," he rubbed his chin, "maybe it's just your emotions."

"You think so?"

"Yes." He nodded confidently, linking his arm with Taehyung's. "You simply need to relax, enjoy the parade today."

"Honestly, I am not certain that I'll go."

"Please, Taehyung, you need to!" Jimin whined, shaking him, "Please, it's one of best parts of the festivities, you cannot miss it."

He side eyed Jimin's pleading pout, huffing.

"Fine, I will go then if it's so important."

"Good..." He smirked pleased, Tae imagined it wasn't hard for him to get what he wanted, "Oh, I forgot to ask, did Guk talk to you?"

Taehyung went rigid, memories of his words, his touch, his heat surged back, reddening his cheeks.

"Jeongguk? What?"

"He came looking for you after you left the celebration. Did he find you?"

"Ah, hm... No, he didn't."

"I see... Well, perhaps you should-"

"Jimin?" A pale figure showed up at the end of the hallway, hands behind his back.

Yoongi scrunched his nose upon seeing Tae next to the other boy, but didn't say a thing. Their childish feud wasn't enough to ruin his good mood. It was unusual to see him so cheerful, a sweet smile taking his lips. He even looked handsome, younger.

"Yoongi!" Jimin walked up to him, "Do you want to speak to me?"

"I... Hm..."

Taehyung crossed his arms, containing a wheeze at seeing him stumble around his words. Was the cold blooded Min Yoongi really softening because of a pretty boy?

"Yes?"

"The flowers were looking pretty today." He brought his hands forward, offering Jimin a luscious rose.

Tae couldn't hold it back, a chuckle escaped his lips a bit louder than he planned to. Yoongi glared at him with the typical scorn he reserved for Taehyung, but it dissolved the moment Jimin opened his mouth.

"Thank you, this is sweet of you. I love it!"

"Jimin, I have something to do..." Tae announced, but none of the two seemed to be really listening anymore.

Taehyung left laughing to himself. How surprising people can be sometimes. Especially when in love. He had no doubt about it anymore, Yoongi definitely nurtured feelings for Jimin as improbable as it may sound. Truly, appearances deceived.

Tae decided to spare Hoseok a visit, he hadn't been able to ask him about his behavior the other night and it had been troubling him ever since. He asked the servants the way to the kitchen, finding his friend hunched over a long table kneading dough

"Hyung!" Tae jumped over Hoseok, using his shoulders for support.

Hoseok cursed loudly, scared by the sudden appearance. Taehyung cackled seeing his state. He had always been so easy to frighten, Dawon's horror stories were enough to take his sleep away.

"Sorry..." he smiled innocently, batting his eyelashes.

Hoseok rolled his eyes, scowling at him.

"What do you want?"

Tae was at loss for how dry he sounded, far from his usual bright demeanor. He was probably tired, or had a bad day. It was definitely that.

"I thought I could come say hello. We haven't spoken in a few days." He rubbed his arm staring at the boy who seemed to care about his task only, "Did something happen?"

"I don't know, you tell me. How was the party?"

Tae pursed his lips, swaying on his heels. There was a certain acidness about Hoseok that was bothering him more and more.

"Terribly dull, to be honest. Nothing compared to ours."

"Oh really?" He raised his brows, finally turning to Tae, "You could have fooled me."

Taehyung looked into his narrowed eyes, sharper than daggers, not finding a trace of the fondness that was supposed to be there.

"What do you mean?"

"Why were you dressed like that?" He cornered Taehyung.

Tae gulped, taking a step back.

"I danced..."

"Yes, I figured. I simply cannot understand why. Why would you share such sacred, meaningful ritual with these people?"

Taehyung swallowed dry, lowering his head.

"I-I... You know..."

"And I saw you even painted him." Hoseok crushed him under his stare. Tae could not remember a moment he had been so scary. "How dare you, Taehyung?"

"I know what it looks like, but I promise you-"

"That is all you seem to do. Promise."

Tae's voice was a shred, shame and confusion polluted his thoughts, closing his throat.

"Hyung."

"I have work to do, please leave."

"Please don't act this way."

"We'll speak later, Taehyung. Now go."

Tae gazed at him hurt, not believing he was really turning his back on him that way, however Hoseok was back to ignoring his presence.

"Fine."

If he wanted to judge Taehyung and be unfair then let him. Tae stomped out of there, nearly drilling holes on the ground. They were supposed to care for each other, be allies. He was given the burden to bear, he was the one with a destiny to fulfill, yet Hoseok and Dawon were doing nothing to help, only pressuring him more and pointing their fingers. They were all Taehyung had left of his previous life, the closest he still had to a family. They would not understand, they still had each other, Taehyung had no one. Despite Hoseok's shaming attitude, he regretted nothing, not dancing, much less painting Jeongguk and the moments they shared. Perhaps his hyung was correct about him. Perhaps Tae was dishonoring his people. And perhaps he would only make matters worse by going to the parade. But for once, he wasn't worried about judgment or pride. Truly, Taehyung was exhausted of being a prisoner. As he glimpsed the decorations outside, the excitement that was starting to bubble, he realized how selfish he was for wanting to relish in it. And for once he didn't want to apologize for his feelings.

Jimin went to his chambers when it was time for them to head out. Red powder countered his eyelids, making them even more remarkable. Taehyung had only got time to greet him before Jimin grabbed his hand, ushering him to run mid laughter. They flew down the stairs of the palace, jumping two at once. Tae almost misstepped and rolled down, gripping Jimin's arm to steady himself. He chuckled at his own clumsiness.

The city was loud, bursting. Blasts of color and sound made him dizzy. A swarm of people covered the streets. Jimin and he mixed with them, losing themselves in the celebration. A group of girls went by distributing flowers, a rain of petals falling down on the crowd. One placed a crown of braided lilies over Taehyung's hair. His cheeks were starting to become sore from sustaining a wide grin.

A flash of bright yellow caught his attention, surprising him. There was a sunflower right under his nose. Taehyung turned around, heart pace picking up as he found the owner of those familiar fingers.

"I'm not quite sure I knew what summer was until now."

Tae smiled sheepishly at his feet. Jeongguk sighed at the way the sun kissed his skin. He was a vision, ethereal, even more than usual.

"This is for you." He beamed, offering Tae the gorgeous flower.

"For me?" His brows went up in disbelief.

"Yes... It's... It has become a bit of a tradition around here."

"Thank you," Tae accepted shyly, admiring his gift. Then something occurred to him, "Oh, but I have none to give to you."

"You don't need to."

"But-"

"Honestly, I am just happy that you accepted it. You have already given me so much the other day, painting me and letting me see something as cathartic as your dance, the flower is a simple way to give back."

Taehyung smiled in understanding.

"Alright. Thank you, I like it very much," he murmured, twirling the stem on his fingers.

"You deserve a lot more." Taehyung widened his eyes at him, a charming pout forming with the fluster. Jeongguk wanted more than anything to get closer to him, but it wasn't the time. Not yet. "I should go..."

He glanced at where his soldiers were organizing and then back at him. Tae cleaned his throat, nodding.

"Can we speak later perhaps?" The emperor asked, "There is something I have to talk to you about."

"Yes, of course."

"Good. I hope you have a nice time."

"You too."

Jeongguk peered at him a moment longer, his tongue running over his lips. Tae gulped, he wanted to say more, keep him there, but before he could utter anything that made sense the emperor was already gone, only his scent lingering in the air. Taehyung rubbed his nape, his chest going up and down fast. He took the sunflower to his nose, trying to dissipate Jeongguk's presence. It did not work. It never would.

"Guk gave you a flower?" Jimin came to stand next to him, gaze darting to where the aforementioned was.

"Yes, it seems that he did."

He laughed through his nose, shaking his head like he knew something Taehyung didn't. Maybe he did.

"What is it?" Tae nudged him.

"Nothing. I simply can't remember him giving a flower to anyone before."

"What?" He blinked, realizing what was behind Jimin's smirk, "He said it was a custom..."

"It is, just not one he takes part in. Never too late to start, it seems."

Tae couldn't see why Jeongguk would decide to gift him of all people, especially for his first flower. Nevertheless he was strangely happy to have been chosen. Jimin's demeanor was silly. Jeongguk was simply being grateful, returning Taehyung's previous courtesy, wasn't he? It did not really mean that much. Yet, looking at the sunflower - one of his favorites - Tae was in a summer of his own, flowers blooming inside.

Jeongguk rode his horse accompanied by the high members of the court. Soldiers escorted him from all sides, guarding their ruler as if he was a precious jewel. The boy, though, didn't seem to care about it, breaking away from his keepers constantly to tangle with the people around, diving into the celebration.

Taehyung walked not far from him, and as stunned and marveled as he was with the vibrant city and the joyous masses his eyes had a compass of their own, finding the way back to Jeongguk.

His entourage's annoyance seemed to grow, written all over the soldier faces as they had to chase down the emperor yet again. One could tell by the impatience in Min Yoongi's expression that he would hear complaints later. But as they moved on, it seemed that even the stern guard was melted by the hot atmosphere, letting go of the tiresome rigidness for a special moment to join the celebration. Something involved all of them, a certain spirit of life and liberation, echoing in the exhilarating music and the laughter, blowing in the breeze that played with his hair.

Taehyung halted, the crowd moved around him oblivious to the rhythm his heart danced at. Jeongguk was glowing, his large grin that let Tae see his slightly big teeth extended to his bright eyes as he was claimed by his people. Warmth radiated from him, seeming to be felt by the others around, pulling them closer. Pulling Taehyung.

A group of children ran by playing without a care in the world, still innocent to the division between men. A small girl tripped over the emperor, falling on the dirt. Jeongguk turned around to be met with her pitiful crying. Taehyung was afraid she had gotten hurt and perhaps so was he. Jeongguk kneeled down, helping her up carefully. He examined her little chubby legs, cleaning the dust that covered them gently. Tae watched as he tickled her until he got her to laugh, ruffling her hair. She took his face in her small hands whispering something in his ear. Jeongguk picked her up, like she weighed nothing, raising the small body above his head. He let her believe she was flying, spun her around, making her giggle. His eyes met Taehyung's, smile changing into an unreadable expression that caused Tae to vacillate, his balance threatened. What was happening? Taehyung turned away from him, desperate to distance himself from whatever it was that Jeon Jeongguk was doing to him.

He observed the assortment of faces that populated that patchwork city and realized with a sting of guilt that he didn't feel angry anymore. Another shackle was broken, one that had been pressing his neck, strangling him, a weight he dragged around. Tears formed, following his blurted out chuckles as he breathed relieved after what felt like ages, head thrown back to the intensely blue sky. Taehyung wanted to fall on his knees, weather to give thanks or to beg for forgiveness he could not decide.

A guttural scream cut the air, hitting him like a stone, violently pushing him out of the euphoria. His hair went up immediately. No. No, he had to be wrong. He knew what it was. He knew it more than he ever wished to. He had heard many of those screams. No joy in it, only sheer, blood-curdling horror. It couldn't be happening. No, no, no! Another followed, ripping his last shred of hope, a roar even harsher than the first. Taehyung turned on his spot (or maybe his head was spinning, he wasn't certain of anything anymore), as did the others searching for where it was coming from. One more howl and another and another in a dreadful symphony that rang through Taehyung's body, rattling his bones. And then he saw it. His vision blurred at the sight of the pool of red. A woman was weeping over a man. Not a man, a body. A limp piece of flesh that had been someone until a moment ago. Blood stained her clothes as it did the ground. It infected Taehyung's nostrils, wrapping around him, the bitter, metallic taste on his tongue. The smell of death. It couldn't be happening. Please, not again, not again! But it was and once more there was nothing he could do to prevent it. The dreadful words that he would give anything to never have to hear again were a blow:

"We are under attack!"

Notes:

So, this week one of my readers and friends posted an au (her name on ao3 is TaeTheGayDisaster hahaha) and dedicated it to me, because my stories inspire her. It made me think and I want to say that you all inspire me too. It makes me so happy to know you are on this journey with me and your kudos and comments really mean a lot and motivate me. Thank you guys. If you want to, come say hello on my twitter @bangthanos where a hype bts and have other aus. Kisses, see you next week ♡

Chapter 19

It was a house of cards. The delicate balance Tae was managing to find, the ground he was setting his feet on, everything crumbled right before his eyes. The crowd unhinged as the dreadful realization sank in. The vibrant energy gave place to senseless panic. Tae's head spun out of control, throbbing, threatening to explode. He was pushed around. People ran everywhere, an insane, desperate search for their families, their friends, a place to hide in. He only caught glimpses of their wild eyes, eyes of hunted animals, of primitive survival instincts. They shoved him out of the way, elbows hitting at his ribs. His stomach churned, guts threatening to spill out. Like Namjoon's did when the soldier ripped him open. More victims stumbled, succumbing to wounds, destiny, themselves. They squirmed, their faces contorted, begging for help, but Taehyung couldn't react. He was back. He never left. Flashes of his burning city intoxicated his mind. As much as he fought it with all he had, every scream, every running step transported him to the first moment his innocence was brutally ripped away. The first moment Taehyung's feeling of home and safety was crushed. The lines of reality blurred. He covered his ears, pressing strongly in a useless attempt to keep it out, but it was in him. It had only been sleeping, and now it was awake. He couldn't see anymore, not processing the commotion around him, choking on his tears. Taehyung was going to die. They would all die. Where was Namjoon? He needed Namjoon! He needed someone. His legs were mushy, wavering, barely sustaining him anymore. It was a miracle they did for so long. Someone rushed by him, bumping violently against his body. Taehyung hit the ground hard, the twinge on his head worsening, hammers smashing at it. The ground was quaking (or was it him?). A confusion of legs and feet surrounded him, kicking at him unintentionally, stepping on his remains. Taehyung screams mixed with the rest of them. He didn't even know why he was screaming anymore. He was out of his body, he simply couldn't stop.

"Taehyung!" A shadow caught his attention, bringing him to the present. Someone was running to him. It was real. They were coming for him, they were coming for him, they- "Taehyung!"

Hands involved his body, calling him back to the disfigured reality. Night. Night and stars, the first constellations he had found on his own. He was real, Taehyung felt it. The eyes he would recognize anywhere. Jeongguk cupped his cheeks with urgency, he studied Taehyung, looking for injuries.

"Are you alright? We need to leave! We need to-"

A howl left his throat followed by Taehyung's shriek as his skin was tore open, a sharp, bloody piece of steel coming out of it.

"Fuck!" He shouted, grimacing in pain. He bit his lip until blood was coming out of it. There was blood everywhere.

There was blood on Taehyung as Jeongguk's arms swept him up from the ground like a child. He panted, carrying the boy safe against his chest despite the sight blurring ache on his shoulder.

"Jeongguk!" Someone urged from another world.

Taehyung couldn't stop sobbing, hiding his face on Jeongguk's clothes and his familiar smell, as the other ran through the wall of people with him. His heart beat furiously, thumping against Taehyung's ear.

"Faster! Come on! Damn, come on!"

A loud bang and Jeongguk fell down, still clutching Tae firmly on his arms.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" A man growled, kicking something. "You could have died, you idiot!"

"You were injured?!" Another person screeched.

Jeongguk ignored them. His dirty hands caressed Taehyung's stained cheeks, wiping his profuse tears.

"Taehyung," he called softly, searching for his eyes, "you are safe now. You are safe. Shh, it is fine. Nothing bad is gonna happen to you, I promise."

Taehyung blinked slowly, taking in a sharp breath. He looked up to see his soothing smile.

"J-Jeongguk?"

"It's me," he nodded, making an effort to smile, "you are fine. Everything is going to be fine."

"W-what? What happened?"

"I will be back soon, alright? Stay here with Jimin."

"Don't go!" Taehyung clutched his garment, noticing the injure, "You are hurt!"

"Calm down, please. I'll be right back." He looked up, away from him, "Jimin, look after him. He hit his head, I think it's bleeding."

"Guk, please don't go out there!" Jimin cried.

Jeongguk made an effort to pick Taehyung up again, sitting him on a chair.

"I have to, it's my city, this was an attack against me. I can't sit around and do nothing."

"Jeongguk, you were injured, stay here, we can take care of it." Yoongi was there too, standing by the door.

"I am going. Now help me here."

"Jeongguk..."

"Yoongi, we don't have time to argue!"

Yoongi cursed walking up to the emperor. Taehyung stopped breathing as the smaller man closed his hands around the point of what he now saw was an arrow, peering at Jeongguk.

"Are you ready?"

"Do it!"

Jeongguk clenched his teeth, but couldn't help the groan that cut his throat when Yoongi broke the arrow inside him, pulling each side out. Taehyung was about to throw up. Jimin rushed to fetch a piece of cloth, which was lousily wrapped around Jeongguk's open wound.

"Be careful, you two," was all Jimin had time to say before the pair stormed out, right into the battlefield.

Taehyung's body swayed frail, almost slipping down the chair. Jimin was fast to hold him up, slapping his cheek lightly.

"Taehyung! Stay with me. What are you feeling?"

Tae tried to focus on him, but there was a buzz in his ears driving him mad.

"Where... Where are we?"

"I don't really know..." he looked around the elegant room, "Someone's house? Yoongi broke in, he brought me here, there was nowhere else to go. Let me see your wound."

Tae leaned forward, Jimin's fingers roamed through his hair. A yelp left his mouth when he touched the injured spot.

"So?"

"You will live." Jimin smiled faintly, brushing his hair. "I better find something to clean it with. Stay here."

"Where would I go?" Tae snarked, hiding his face on his palms.

He could hear the confusion outside, trying not to imagine the scenes of havoc. But he couldn't control the memories that were rushing back. Jimin returned with a wet piece of cloth, finding him on the verge of ripping his own hair out.

"Tae! Stop hurting yourself!" He pleaded, holding Taehyung's hands. "It will be over soon, hang on a little more."

"What is happening?" Tae asked, his voice was rough probably from all the yelling. He grimaced in pain as Jimin started to clean his bruise.

"I know as much as you. All I saw was the moment that poor man was hit. Never anything like this happened here before, not after Guk's dad took the city."

"Do you... Do you think they were aiming for Jeongguk?"

"Probably. Why do you ask?" He questioned, "Are you, perhaps, worried?"

"What? No," he shook his head, "no. I was just wondering. I... Why hurt those innocents? It seems unfair that-"

"Are you saying it is his fault?"

"I did not-"

"He could be here, safe." Jimin kneeled in front of him to meet his gaze. Tae shrunk. "He should be here. But he chose to fight for his kingdom, for his people. For you." He got up, voice lowering. "Jeongguk took an arrow for you, Taehyung, he risked his own life to save yours, show him the gratitude he deserves."

"I-I..." Tae frowned, a pout showing on his lips, "Why are you telling me this?"

"I am Jeongguk's family, the only one he has. I know you mean a lot him. He could have died saving you."

"Don't you think I know?" More tears prickled his eyes, guilt and affection torturing him, "I didn't ask for this! I never asked for him to be this way with me!"

"He cares about you. Answer me honestly," Jimin folded his arms, staring him down, "do you care about him too?"

Before Tae could answer, the door flew open again scaring both boys.

"It's over." Jeongguk announced gravely. Blood ran down his clothes, the improvised bandage soaked.

Jimin ran to him, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk despite being smaller. Taehyung stood up awkwardly, unable to look him in the eye.

"Were any of you hurt?" Jimin clutched his shoulders in angst, "Yoongi? Where is Yoongi?"

"Calm down, Minie. He is safe. It was a small group of rebels, archers... We caught them, they were taken to the dungeons, Yoongi is taking care of it." Then he looked to the anguished figure, "Taehyung?"

Jeongguk walked over, tilting his head to study him.

"Are you alright?" Tae asked so low it was almost inaudible.

"I have been better." Jeongguk snarked, shifting his weight. "What about you? How are you feeling?"

Taehyung simply shrugged, because words would not convey how broken he felt. Jeongguk nodded, understanding it. He turned around, leaving with no more words in heavy steps.

Tae was bewildered by his escape, things remaining unsaid between them, at least from his part.

"Jeongguk!" He bolted behind him, dodging the people around, but his hand could not reach him. "Jeongguk, wait !"

If the emperor heard his call he did not care, only quickening his pace. Tae slowed down, watching his figure become smaller and smaller, covered by others. After the intense moment they shared Taehyung was left only with his dust. Jimin reached him, Tae still in the same spot he lost Jeongguk. He led the way, taking inside streets, avoiding the rubble on the main road, for which Taehyung was grateful. He wasn't certain he could deal with seeing it again.

The square in front of the palace was swarmed, a group of guards attempting in vain to control and aid the panicked people that demanded answers, justice. Order was completely lost. The scenario wasn't much different inside. Rumble waited for Jeongguk, accusations and questions thrown at him the moment he stepped inside.

“What was this who did it this demands serious punishment it is outrageous I expect harsh measures to be taken completely outrageous tell us something we demand justice Jeongguk Jeongguk Jeongguk"

The strident voices rang on his mind, closing in on him making it hard to breathe. He could not let them see his weakness. Or else...

"Oh no." Jimin murmured when they joined the gathering, gripping Taehyung's wrist.

Tae's stare immediately found the emperor, observing the morbid paleness of his complexion. Jeongguk tried to respond to the fuss.

"The issue is being dealt with," he announced raising his hand, his voice was weak, "as soon as more is known you will be informed."

"This is absurd!" an elderly reprimanded, frowning at the younger. The flaccid skin of his chin trembled as he spoke making Tae scrunch his nose, "Never had I seen such high security breach!"

"I know."

"And instead of obeying your guards you go off on your own! Have you completely lost your mind, Jeon Jeongguk?!"

Jeongguk gulped. He was to blame, there was no use pretending he wasn't. He had failed. For the first time, Jeongguk had failed.

"I'm sorry."

"If we had lost our ruler with no heir imagine the chaos this kingdom would be in!"

"How could you be so childish?"

"You were supposed to protect his city!"

"Your father would have never let this happen..."

"You are the emperor, honor th-"

"Enough!" Taehyung ordered, stomping his foot down, surprised at how rough his own voice came out. All the heads turned to him in shock, processing the interference. "Are you so self-centered and dense that you do not see Jeongguk is wounded? Can't you vultures allow him a moment of peace to, at least, rest and recover before coming to pick him apart?! He said himself, the issue has been dealt with! Leave him now!"

There was an instant of astounded silence when Tae held his head high victorious, breathing in after releasing his frustration. It was long overdue. And also short lived. The group burst in offenses and outrage, Tae lightening the spark that was missing. Jeongguk only gazed at him in awe, the outside sounds little more than a murmur, made unimportant by his presence. Taehyung glowed. He was a fire.

"Jeon Jeongguk, will you allow your guest to speak to us like this?"

"This the last straw, I swear!

"What will you do about this?"

But Jeongguk did not answer. His body faltered, breaking down as he dropped to the ground limp. Taehyung yelled, running to him, too late to prevent it. He fell to his knees next to him and cupped his face, calling for him the same way Guk had done. He was shivering, the bleeding unstopped.

"Jeongguk!" Tae pleaded, "Jeongguk, wake up! You have to wake up!"

Hands wrapped around Taehyung's shoulders, pulling him away. He struggled to get free, but Jimin's hold was stronger than he had imagined. Two guards picked Jeongguk up, taking the emperor to his chambers. Tae stopped fighting, the grip loosening. He exchanged a dark look with Jimin, sharing his concerns. There was nothing they could do.

Taehyung dragged himself back to his room. He wanted it to stop. Please, he just wanted the feeling that devoured his chest to disappear. He should not care whether Jeongguk would live, whether he would be fine. No and he most definitely should not want to be by his side as desperately as he did. It was because Jeongguk saved his life. That was all. Taehyung felt guilty about his injure, he was overwhelmed by the events, how close he had come to death once again and it was confusing him. He was grateful for what Jeongguk did. Yes. Too much was happening at once, clouding his judgment. He was only feeling guilty, disoriented, it would go away, it would... Taehyung couldn't meditate. He couldn't do anything really, it was impressive that he even managed to maintain a train of thought with how distressed he was, a million voices contraposing, fighting, wreaking havoc. He curled on the balcony, biting his nails, a habit he thought was left in the past. The sun was downing when he finally decided to check on Jeongguk.

It was eerily quiet. The previous mess giving place to a chilling stillness. Two soldiers stood like statues watching over the door to the emperor. Taehyung moved towards the entrance, waiting for no authorization, but they held their swords over the knob. Tae stepped back, hands on his hips.

"I want to see him."

One of them - Tae recognized him as the same that had made the announcement regarding the slavery law - thinned his lips.

"We are under orders to not let you pass."

"Come again?" He frowned, "Why?"

"The emperor requested so, Taehyung-ssi."

"He is awake then?"

"Yes."

"Then let him know I am here and I want to see him."

"I am sorry, this were the orders."

"Jeongguk does not want to see me?" His pose tumbled down, "Why? Can't you at least ask him again?"

The door opened making him shush. Yoongi walked out, closing it quickly as Tae attempted to peak inside.

"Leave, Taehyung."

"Yoongi, what is happening?"

"They already told you. Jeongguk does not want to see you now, leave. He will go find you another time."

"I..." He bit his lip. It wasn't the moment to fight, "How is he?"

"Fine. The blood was stanched and the physician expects a full recovery soon."

Taehyung nodded, rubbing his arm.

"Alright, I'll leave then. But tell him I came by please."

"I will."

Tae walked away, knowing arguing would be pointless. Why would Jeongguk not want him there? Was he angry? Did he regret saving him? He got no answers. He had only caught a glimpse of the ruler when the funerary rituals took place and Jeongguk paid his homage to the victims, six total, was what they said. Six bodies put to the ground. Many more lives destroyed.

Tae barely knew anything of Jeongguk's state except what Jimin told him here and there. Not that he asked. If Jeongguk wanted distance from him, then fine, Tae would not beg. He had enough on his mind as it was, he was enduring his own pain. The attack made his nightmares return with full force, now even more detailed. Not even the sage seemed enough to end the tempest happening on his heart.

Slowly the resilient city was rebuilding itself, its people refusing to give in. They were survivors after all. Three men were blamed for the attack, caught red handed. Taehyung knew from eavesdropping during meals and what Yoongi let Jimin know that they were being questioned. He tried not to think about what that meant, but sometimes in the dead of night he swore he could hear their screams. The sun rose and died again bringing with every cycle a bit of healing. The universe followed it's course, they waited. Not for long though. Once the "questioning" finished and they saw no reason to delay it anymore, the execution was set. Justice.

Taehyung joined the rest of the court in a balcony that looked over to the square. He observed lonely in his corner as they chatted unfazed by the horror they were about to witness. They did have the capital penalty in his home, but Tae remembered of only one situation it had been used. And even if it was the case, it would never be done publicly like a twisted show. But he should not be so sensitive. Wasn't that what he was attempting to do after all? Solve death with more death? Those people were gone. Nothing would ever repair that. As much as they lied to themselves, it wasn't justice. It was revenge.

His feelings were all over the place. Taehyung knew he should want their death, he believed in revenge, he was on his own search for it. He should want to see them leave this world to never hurt anyone again. It was a simple as that, black and white, wasn't it? Were those men only murderers? Maybe they had children, wives, friends. Maybe Tae walked by them at the market and they offered him a smile. Shouldn't he die with them? He was a traitor, a conspirer too. And the crowd bellow claimed for blood over the drums. Jeongguk was right, no one was innocent.

A veil of expectation involved the audience. The moment the soldiers brought out three figures, already more cadaver than human he was sure that was a mistake. The men, or what was left of them, could barely stand on their own feet, much less walk. They were dragged to the top of the stairs under a rain of curses. Even from afar it was noticeable the bestial state they were left in, clothes and skin in rags after being beaten out of their wits. That would be him.

Jeongguk came out. He was ethereal, far away. A bandage covered his left shoulder, sword in his other hand. Taehyung knew he was weak, a bit of his altive posture cracked, yet he radiated power. The bows were immediate, instinctive. Once again Tae watched as they reverenced their ruler. This time though he was not the only outcast though. The three shadows did not bend either, mocking the emperor on his face. The soldiers clawed their necks, forcing their heads down, a humiliation, but Jeongguk raised his hand, ushering them to step back. Taehyung held his breath collectively with the people.

"You are here today to face punishment for your crimes." Jeongguk began, walking from one end of the line to the other, looking down on them. "You have been found guilty of high treason against your emperor and the organization of an attack that caused the death of six people and left countless more injured. Do you deny this accusation?"

"Yes," said one of them, returning his stare. Jeongguk stopped in front of him,

"What is your claim?"

"You are not my emperor, Jeon Jeongguk; you are nothing more than a usurper, a child king who knows nothing besides killing and putting your filthy hands on what does not belong you! Your only legacy is weakne-"

He was shut by a violent slap on his already ripped face, taking more blood out of it. Jeongguk cleaned his throat, wiping his hand on his garment coldly.

"This is your last chance, hand the names of your collaborators and your penalty might be reconsidered."

"I will die before I serve you," another uttered, spitting on his feet.

"Very well," Jeongguk nodded, "then die you shall."

He cocked his head, the guards unlocked the neck shamble of the first one. Taehyung watched in a trance as Jeongguk stepped behind the man, tensing his muscles. He raised his sword slowly, the thread so sharp Tae could sense it from there. The drums had turned into thunder. His arm went down in a precise blow, slicing the flesh like water. Taehyung shut his eyes, but the mournful sound of the severed head rolling down the stairs was enough to have him put everything in his stomach out. Some people cursed at him for the vomit, but he did not mind them. The first body had only hit the ground and Jeongguk was already beheading the other, blood spilling, washing the white stone. He left the one he hit for the end, the grand finale. Tae could see tears pooling on the man's eyes. Was he afraid? Did he repent? Was he proud? He wouldn't know. Not until he was the one feeling the cold kiss of the blade on his skin. Until he could feel nothing at all. And just like that the criminals were dead, the hunger for revenge was appeased. Nine dead now to what end?

Notes:

Hello dearies, how are you? Hope you liked the chapter, I look forward to reading your comments. Taekook really can't catch a break *sigh* why do you think Kook was being distant to Tae? Thank you for reading, see you next chapter ♡

Chapter 20

Taehyung jerked awake, his alert bells ringing madly. There was someone there. Someone was in his chambers. A hand slipped over his mouth, covering it shut. He tried to scream in vain, arms reaching in the dark for the attacker, scratching their skin. He kicked at the person's chest, a hard breath coming out of them. Taehyung jumped up ready to fight, blood pumping on his eardrums.

 

"Stop!" Someone urged in a half whisper.

 

"Taehyung!" A boy whined. It took Tae a moment to snap out of the shock and recognize that voice.

 

"Hoseok?" 

 

"Yes!" He huffed, struggling to breathe, "Since when are you this aggressive?"

 

"What were you thinking?" Tae smacked the back of his head, "My heart nearly stopped."

 

"I was trying to wake you up without causing a scene." He explained, accepting Tae's hand to stand back up, "Clearly it was the wrong approach."

 

"Clearly." A girl scoffed from a bit further. Tae squinted trying to make out her silhouette.

 

"Dawon? What are you doing here? How did you even get into the palace?"

 

"Did Hobi not tell you?" She walked into the faint light of the balcony, "Jeongguk gave me freedom to choose, after some considering I chose to work here."

 

Tae was taken by surprise, looking from Hoseok's grave face to her smirk.

 

"Why?"

 

"Someone has to look after my brother, he told me you have been... Busy. This way I can be closer to you kids. And to our target."

 

Tae fiddled with his fingers, picking the skin around his nails. Even in the shadows he felt their eyes drilling him full of antecipation as if he was the one to set up that meeting.

 

"Dawon, this is incredibly dangerous. If they suspect you..."

 

"They won't. Who would suspect a woman? Aren't we all docile, submissive?" Her voice softened with deceiving sweetness. "Isn't that what the elders told us? Here, there, somethings don't change. But I will make them change."

 

The conviction in her voice made his skin crawl. Tae's audition was focused, hearing for any sounds in the hallways, afraid someone might catch them. 

 

"Why are you here at this hour?" He questioned, crossing his arms.

 

"We need to talk, Tae," Hoseok threaded reluctant, "about Jeongguk."

 

"No, we do not." Taehyung declared emphatically. He had enough on his mind already. "Things are following their course. And we most definitely should not discuss this here where his army is surrounding us."

 

Dawon cursed under her breath.

 

"I am tired of waiting. You might be enjoying your royal life, but, in case it slipped your mind, Hoseok and I are slaves. I need to do something about it since you seem so entrailed in this little lie."

 

"I am working on it!" He hissed, patience thinning as they demanded more and more of him. Nevertheless Taehyung preferred for them to breathe on his neck instead of deciding to take the matters into their own hands and end up killed.

 

"We simply want to help, Tae." Hoseok affirmed, his voice a lot calmer than his sister's. 

 

"This attack made me think," Dawon continued, "there are more rebels, more like us."

 

"Yes and they are rotting as we speak."

 

"There are others." She insisted, not backing down, "There must be. I will find them and-"

 

"And what?" Taehyung threw his hands in the air, struggling to keep his voice to a minimum, "Have you lost your mind? Are you going to take down Jeongguk and his army with five other villagers and your makeshift arches and pitchforks? I have told you already, this must be conducted with caution for it to work."

 

"How long, huh? How long, Taehyung? You keep telling us to wait but you never give us any reassurance, any estimative. Lately all it seems is that you are stalling."

 

"I am not." He snarled, growing defensive.

 

"You think you are stealthy?" She provoked walking closer, "You are transparent to me, I know you are hesitating. What I don't know is why."

 

Sweat was forming on his hairline. He was glad they could not properly see the despair in his eyes.

 

"This is nonsense." 

 

"You think you are any different from us? That you are not barely more than an object to him? A pretty war trophy? I expected more from you, Taehyung, you were supposed to be wiser."

 

Her words burned him. Dawon was poison ivy growing right under their noses and Taehyung had been the one watering her.

 

"You are confusing things."

 

"No, you are. If he ever catches a glimpse of your true colors it will be your head rolling down the stairs." She was face to face with him, hand placed over his arm, squeezing it lightly, "I imagine you must be a bit disoriented, a lot has happened, so let me remind you: he is the enemy, Tae, that is all he will ever be."

 

Taehyung moved his shoulder, making her hand drop.

 

"I am not joining your little rebellion. I have control of the matter and I will go about it my way, you like it or not, Dawon."

 

She let out a disheartened sigh, putting distance between them.

 

"You are an embarrassment to all of us," her words were merciless, "Namjoon would be ashamed."

 

That was the harshest blow. Taehyung knew she was upset, she had a right to be. He knew he was failing and letting all of them down. Yet have it thrown on his face that way, the wound salted when it was barely starting to heal, was more than he could bare.

 

"Leave," he murmured icy, "now."

 

"Taehyung," Hoseok started sorrowful, but it was too late.

 

"Do it, before I call the guards."

 

He did not need to see Dawon's glare to feel its coldness. 

 

"Good to know where your loyalties lie. If you are not with us then you are against us."

 

"You have truly gone insane." He covered his mouth, speaking more to himself than to her.

 

"Come, Hoseok. We are finished here."

 

Taehyung broke down as soon as they closed the door, falling to the ground. His body trembled, the shaky breaths he had kept in finally escaping. They knew he was a traitor, a fraud, and a ridiculous one at that. Dawon said the truth, Taehyung was a disgrace. He was hesitating. Killing Jeongguk was the sole reason he was alive, he could not have second thoughts. It was his destiny, his people depended on him! Why did the gods place this burden of a task on his shoulders when they knew he was weak? When did Taehyung ever ask for greatness? He was fine with his life, he was ready to serve. What more did they want from him? It was unfair. It was so utterly unfair, he never wanted any of that. He wished he was like Jeongguk, free willed and untamed, owing nothing to no one. He wished he had power to be, but Taehyung was just a subject. More than that, he was prisoner.

 

He ran. He ran away pointlessly, like an animal roaming around its cage. It was an ineffective solution, Taehyung could never run from himself, nevertheless he would try. He suffocated his cry, turning it into strength to keep moving when all he wanted was to stop, in so many senses. His feet found the way unbeknownst to him. Tae only realized where he was going once the entrance to the secret passage was in front of him. It made sense, the training centre was the place he had felt safest in. Without Jeongguk, though, the vast and chilly building was not the same. He missed training.

Complete darkness surrounded him, Tae guided himself by his senses as he could not trust his feelings anymore. He used to be terrified of the dark and what hid on it. Oh, how naive he was. The real monsters were out in the sun. The silence was deafening, dense, pressure on his chest. He made the way to terrace, yearning for peace. He found none.

 

"Oh." 

 

Jeongguk snapped his head, only relaxing when he realized who was the intruder. 

 

"Taehyung? What are you doing here?"

 

The emperor sat a few meters away, yet he was a lot more distant. He probably had the same idea as him. Tae rubbed his arm.

 

"I needed to think and, well, this is one of places I have felt more comfortable at since I came here..."

 

Jeongguk nodded before going back to stargazing.

 

"I can leave if-"

 

"No." Tae was quick to say, becoming sheepish all of a sudden, "Stay. I don't mind."

 

Taehyung approached him, heart beating strong against his ribcage, threatening to break it. How ironic, the cause of his restlessness to be there when he searched for serenity. Maybe the gods were mocking him after all. However, he enjoyed the chance to better understand his feelings.

He took a seat next to Jeongguk, both diving into their own thoughts. The sea was calm, waves kissed the shore gently bellow, the moon reflected on the water. Taehyung could not say the same about himself. Yet, despite his pounding heart, next to Jeongguk he found solace that seemed unattainable before. It disconcerted him the pleasure he felt in listening to his soft breaths and studying his features. Jeongguk had such delicate features for someone so rough. Taehyung wanted to be by his side, to talk to him about anything and everything. The past days had been filled with a strange anxiety after he was informed the emperor refused to speak to him, not that Tae would never admit it. He was not even sure what it meant.

 

"Why are you avoiding me?" He asked on a whim, his thoughts slipping into words. 

 

Jeongguk choked on his saliva, eyes widening as they focused on him.

 

"I don't know what you mean."

 

Taehyung scoffed, "do not treat me as if I am dumb, Jeongguk."

 

"I would never!" He promised, seeing the grief Taehyung could not hide. He thinned his lips, gulping, "Alright. I have been avoiding you." 

 

There was a moment of unnerving quiet as both danced around their feelings, having trouble finding the words. Taehyung wanted to be angry, he did, but truly he was more than anything hurt. The annoyance he had suppressed surfaced. He chewed on his bottom lip.

 

"Do you understand how frustrating it was? I was lost. You saved my life and then you act as if that was a mistake."

 

"No, Taehyung." He shook his head vehemently. Jeongguk's hand reached out as if wanting to take his, but if that was the intention he gave up midway, withdrawing. He sighed, "I swear that thought did not cross my mind."

 

"Then why?" He asked incisive, peering at him. Jeongguk recoiled, looking at the ocean ahead.

"It was not your fault, not at all," he muttered, fingers drawing on the stone, "I am saying this because I suspect we both share a similar irrational guilt for others' mistakes, for not doing enough, for doing too much, for what we cannot do..."

 

Tae inhaled deeply, hugging his knees, chin resting over them. He hated that Jeongguk was correct. More than anything he hated that the emperor seemed to understand him so well. 

 

"Indeed."

 

"It was not your fault," he reaffirmed even lower, "I ran away because I was afraid."

 

Tae's brows furrowed as he processed those words. It was not the answer he expected. 

 

"Afraid of what? What could scare you after everything?"

 

"So much thats it's sad." He chuckled gloomily, cocking his head back. "I was afraid of facing the council and what they would say, I was afraid the people would think I'm weak, which they already do anyway, I was afraid of the possibility my kingdom might not be what I idealized, and... And I was afraid of myself." Jeongguk halted, shoulders curving in defeat, making him smaller, almost fragile, "I was going to kill. I knew it. The moment I understood what was happening I knew I would make whoever was behind it pay with their lives. The fury that took over me when I saw the bodies of the ones I have sworn to protect on the ground, when I saw you, is a venom. It intoxicated me. The levee broke, I was going to kill and it was ugly. I did not want you to see me for the monster that I am."

 

Taehyung softened, his walls crumbling. It was his turn to approach timidly, fingertips brushing over Jeongguk's bruised knuckles, exploring his skin, until they settled over them. The emperor gazed at him bewildered.

 

"You are not a monster, Jeongguk."

 

"Yes, I am," he murmured, "I am broken, taking a life does that to you. I can pretend as much as I want that this is not the case, but the truth always shows. I have blood in my hands that can never be washed off."

 

"What... What is it like to kill?" Tae questioned unable to contain himself, toes curling. 

 

He was fixated on the emperor, returning Jeongguk's dazed stare. He should know. If he was going to do it, he had to know. 

 

"It is..." he started, wetting his chapped lips, searching for the words to explain things he had long before stopped thinking about, "It has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Violence is the only language you truly learn to speak when you are raised the way I was. My father first taught me to kill animals. It was disturbing enough, but then he showed me how to kill other people. To fight. Important knowledge in his opinion. I would like to say that I was forced, that I was not cut out for it, but it's not true. I was sadly talented. 'Jeongguk is a warrior', some said. I thought he would be proud, but he never was. Now, I understand why. 

 

"I made some money with it in the cities, Jinse was a popular spot for fights. No one really minds seeing kids hurt each other when they are poor, I suppose. For a while I only watched my father finish off someone. One night this boy, maybe a bit younger than me, invaded our camp, he had been stealing chickens, I think, probably hungry like us. My father caught him. I thought he would deal with it like usual, but... Well, I guess I was old enough." Jeongguk trailed off, observing the lines on his free palm, before clenching it on a fist, "We fought. I killed that child with my bare hands. I watched his eyes still when I snapped his neck. I felt him stop breathing underneath my fingers. For more nights then I can remember he was all I saw when I closed my eyes. I wish I had died instead. I did, in a way. So believe me, Taehyung, you do not want to know what it feels like."

 

Tears streamed down Taehyung's cheeks, he had not even noticed them forming, too absorbed in his words. His thumb caressed Jeongguk's skin soothingly, hoping it conveyed what he meant to, as his throat was too tight to speak. The echo of the waves and the soft chirping of the cicadas were the only sounds to fill the heavy silence. Tae wished he could take some - any - of his pain away. He wished he could have met him before his life turned into war.

 

"I'm sorry," he whispered after what felt like an eternity, "you did what you had to, Jeongguk."

 

Jeongguk sniffed, clearing his throat, but his voice still came out hoarse with emotion, "I told you, there is always a choice. I made mine. I was too much of a coward to make any other. Even if there is anything such as fate, I am damned, Taehyung."

 

Taehyung's hold on his hand strengthened as he moved closer to him. He took his other shaky palm up and placed it over his wet cheek, turning him delicately.

 

"There is good in you, I know it."

 

Jeongguk's glossy eyes met his, lips curling in a sad smile.

 

"There is good in everyone. This doesn't make us good people."

 

"What if there is no such thing? How can we break the world into two categories as simplistic? Don't we all make mistakes? Aren't we all still loved the same?"

 

"It surprises me to hear you say so."

 

"It surprises me too, but... I have been seeing things that are making me question the order I thought ruled our universe. I have seen great people succumb to hatred, I have succumbed myself, and yet I can still find a beam of light in the most improbable places. There is good in you, Jeon Jeongguk, and you are not a monster. "

 

Jeongguk did not say anything. He simply gazed at Taehyung in pure wonder. Yes, wonder, admiration. He was marveled someone like him could exist in his world. He had long before stopped believing that to be possible. He had stopped believing he was capable, much less deserving, of nurturing such feelings. 

 

"What are you thinking about?" Tae asked, curious about his expression.

 

"My life has been a constant succession of pain and death and violence. And yet there is you."

 

"Me?" Tae let his hand fall back down, shying away. 

 

"Another reason that I avoided you, Taehyung, this one a lot more intimate and, to be honest, the one that terrified me the most, is how afraid I was of losing you."

 

Taehyung's heart skipped a beat. The world slowed down, time stretching endlessly around the two of them. The stars seemed to have been blown out, only Jeongguk's sparkling eyes left. Tae blinked once, twice and yet again, attempting to make sense of what he had heard. Long eyelashes batted on his cheeks and Jeongguk was hypnotized.

 

"What are you saying?"

 

"I was not prepared for how much the possibility would disturb me. When I saw you on the ground, in panic, everything else became unimportant. The commands, the screams, my soldiers, they all faded into the background. I did not care if saving you would put me at risk. I knew at that moment there was no one I would be more glad to lay down my life for than you and it terrified me."

 

"Jeongguk... Why are you telling me this?"

 

"I don't know," he shrugged, beaming at him, "you make me do things I do not really understand. Most of all, you make me wanna be a better person. I am not sure that I can, and I know it makes me even more unworthy of you."

 

He was right. No one was worthy of him, Taehyung was promised to the gods after all. Nobody even dared to entertain in the idea in his city. He had never considered himself as a man, in the carnal senses of the word. People did not touch him, not like Jeongguk touched him, waking every single nerve in his body, making his senses flourish. The flesh was imperfect, it impaired reason. He was taught to detach from it, refuse it, be in control. Nevertheless, Taehyung's hand was still over his, that contact seeming to be only thing real at the moment. Jeongguk's palm turned, capturing his fingers, intertwining them with his own. The act as simple as it was scared Taehyung beyond words.

 

"Say something." The emperor pleaded, anguish marking his airy voice. 

 

Tae's thoughts were disconnected, hindered by the heat that emanated from Jeongguk. He shook his head.

 

"I cannot." 

 

"Cannot what?" 

 

"Do this!" Tae raised their clasped hands, the confusion in Jeongguk's face growing, "I am not supposed to..."

 

"To hold my hand?"

 

"To feel this way." 

 

"So you feel it too?" A pure smile took his lips as he clutched Taehyung's hand between his, bringing it to his chest to feel his fast heartbeat. It made Tae dizzy. "Please tell me, Taehyung, if this more than only a delusion of mine. Tell me if... If I can have any hope, as faint as it may be."

 

"I cannot!" He emphasized, pulling his hand away from him. "What you said is true, Jeongguk, you are not worthy. And you will never be. No one will. I made a sacred vow before the gods, the priests and my community."

 

"What kind of promise is that?"

 

"I am a representative of the gods, a vessel, I should not be soiled or... Or distracted."

 

"Do you feel anything for me, Taehyung?" He pressed, "Anything at all?"

 

"I am not supposed to."

 

"This is not what I asked."

 

"Jeongguk, this can never be."

 

"So you do." 

 

"I don't know what I feel!" He cried out.

 

Taehyung gripped the bridge of his nose, eyelids shut. Jeongguk watched his distress, guilt creeping on his chest.

 

"Then give yourself a chance to find out." 

 

"It is not right," he insisted, side eyeing him.

 

"You told me yourself you are not a priest yet."

 

"But I was going to be. Had you not ravished my home, I would be."

 

That made Jeongguk shush. The two went quiet again. Too much weighed over them and their fragile bond. The emperor stood up, Tae's eyes following him. 

 

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable or offended you somehow. I will not bring this up again."

 

"Are you mad?"

 

"No." He denied with his head, playing with the fabric of his clothes, "I understand why you cannot reciprocate. It was foolish of me to expect you to. I will continue to care for you in silence."

 

Taehyung gulped.

 

"Thank you for understanding."

 

He hummed, lips pressed together.

 

"Good night, Taehyung."

 

"Good night, Guk."

 

And with that small spark Jeongguk's hope was rekindled.

Notes:

I am so so sorry it took me so long. My dear beta, Madstarlight, was busy this week so I hope there are no big mistakes. I promise I'm trying to be faster. What did you think of this chapter? Is there hope for taekook? Let me know in the comments, please ♡
See you next week uwu

Chapter 21

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Tae questioned as Jeongguk picked up a smaller sword, weighing it on his hands.

 

He smirked, side eying him cockily.

 

"I'm fine. I'm strong, in case you haven't noticed. Try this one."

 

"What?" Tae's wide eyes darted from him to the weapon.

 

"I reckon it's time you get familiar with the real thing, don't you?"

 

Tae grinned, nodding. He had feared Jeongguk didn't trust him enough to give him a real sword, but perhaps he was doing something right after all. Guk handed it to him carefully. Tae understood why he had not allowed it earlier. The moment he closed his fingers around the handle and Jeongguk let go of it, the blade hit the ground as if it was attracted by a magnet. Tae felt his cheeks heat up when he sighed.

 

"You see? This is precisely why I cannot rest."

 

"Because I can't pick up a sword?" Taehyung struggled to raise it above. It was much heavier than it looked.

 

Jeongguk stepped behind him, arms going over his, surrounding him. Tae went rigid with the proximity, he hoped his quickening heartbeat could not be felt by him. It was unnerving enough being near the emperor before, after their previous conversation and his confession things became even more awkward, tension palpable. Guk placed his hands next to his, helping Tae to get it up.

 

"Because you are not safe, Taehyung," he answered by his ear, causing a shiver to run down his spine. Tae gulped, tightening the hold on the sword. "I need to make sure you are."

 

"I'm fine," he shrugged, moving away from him so he could think properly again, "I can look after myself."

 

"I know, that is why I'm letting you use a sword. Go on, try to move it."

 

Tae inhaled, tensing his muscles. He prepared himself in position like he had observed Jeongguk do many times before. Holding the sword on the air was difficult enough, fighting with it seemed nearly impossible. But he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of him. He swung it, aiming for the practice doll, but the weight was too much. Tae lost his balance, twirling on his heels. Jeongguk yelled when he let go of the weapon, tumbling backwards. Two arms held him steady before he could hit the ground, clutching him safe. His head hit Jeongguk's chest. He blinked, looking up to see his doe eyes, a mix of amusement and worry in them.

 

"Are you alright?"

 

"Yes," Tae huffed, standing up flustered, "I was not prepared."

 

Jeongguk picked the sword up, putting it away where it could not hurt any of them.

 

"Maybe a little more practice would do you good."

 

Tae didn't argue, taking the wooden stick he offered. He was getting good at fighting with it, becoming an opponent more to the level of Jeongguk. Not enough to beat him, yet, but good. Tae was breathless, defending from all his attacks. It was a demanding activity, Jeongguk was astonishingly fast. Their clashes echoed on the walls as did Taehyung's huffs eveytime the emperor closed in on him. However, as much as he pretended to, Jeongguk wasn't in full health. After a rough movement, he let his stick drop, face contorting in pain. Taehyung stopped too, watching him with brows furrowed.

 

"Guk?" The nickname slipped out of his tongue naturally, "Are you feeling well?"

 

"Yes... Just need a moment." He shook his shoulder, holding it.

 

Tae dropped his weapon too, walking up to him.

 

"You look pale. Maybe we should stop for tonight."

 

"No, I'm fine."

 

"Jeongguk, we can continue at another time. Let me see your shoulder."

 

The emperor grimaced, but rolled up his sleeve to allow him to look. Taehyung breathed relieved seeing the stitches intact, no blood coming out. He met his gaze, a small pout appearing on his lips drawing Jeongguk's eyes to them.

 

"I don't want you to get hurt. Specially not because of me."

 

"I told you," he smiled with sadness, tilting his head, "if there is someone worthy getting hurt for, it is you."

 

Taehyung looked away afraid of his earnestness, letting his hands fall.

 

"Please, don't. You need rest, you are still in recovery..."

 

"Tae, I... I have to be well. There is no time for me to lay around while danger roams."

 

"There is no danger," he lied, knowing full well Jeongguk's safety had been threatened from the moment they met each other.

 

"We suffered an attack, an unexpected one at that. The council is watching me, I need to be in full strength."

 

"The people love you, Jeongguk, these rebels were an anomaly. The council knows this too." Tae placed his fingertips over Jeongguk's wrist pleadingly. "Rest, please."

 

Guk turned away, with a defeated sigh.

 

"Fine."

 

Tae helped him organize the mess they had made. There was an atmosphere surrounding them, an almost burning expectation, combusting in the pit of his stomach. It worsened the moment the two got back inside the narrow tunnel. Taehyung had never felt as conscious of how close they were. It was fine when he could ignore Jeongguk's feelings and his own. Now that the emperor had broken that wall it was as if the lines had blurred and Tae didn't know what else to expect.

 

They arrived at the quiet palace, Jeongguk checking if the path was clear first, before he offered Tae a hand to help him pass the small step.

 

"Good night..." Tae had a lingering smile on his lips.

 

"Taehyung, I would like to take you somewhere early tomorrow."

 

"Where?"

 

"It is a surprise. I promise you will like it though."

 

"How do you know?"

 

"I think I know you a bit, don't you?" He raised a brow. Tae grinned, waving his head.

 

"Alright, I'll go with you."

 

"See you tomorrow then."

 

They parted ways. Tae played with his necklace, considering Jeongguk's actions. He was such a mystery. He was fine with disregarding his own feelings as Tae had asked him to and yet, he seemed more eager then ever to prove them to him. Taehyung was not sure how he felt about that. In a way he was uncomfortable, every time Jeongguk wanted to come closer he was forced to take a step back to avoid the pull. Jeongguk confronted him with his own feelings and Tae was not ready for that. At the same time, how could he step away from him? Taehyung did not think it was possible, nor did he want that. He was not drowning in grief anymore and he could not help thinking his strange friendship with Guk was part of the reason why. In the most improbable way, he made him happy. But was he ready to be happy again?

 

Weird noises disturbed his thoughts. Tae was not used to hearing anything at that hour, so he was rightfully intrigued. It became louder the closer he got to his chambers. Someone was moaning, but it seemed to be muffled, as if their mouth was being covered. Tae rushed, searching for where it was coming from. It sounded like someone could be hurting.

The noises led him to a familiar path. Taehyung went cold at the end of it. He was by Jimin's door. The low whimpers were coming from his chambers. Gods, no, what if someone was hurting Jimin? What if someone had invaded his chambers? Taehyung could not let something bad happen to him. No, he had to protect the boy. Tae swung the door open, ready to fight whoever the vile attacker was, but what he saw shocked him a lot more. There was only the faint light of candle almost consumed, but it was enough for him to distinguish Jimin's figure over someone. He stopped his movement the moment Taehyung walked in, looking back with scared eyes.

 

"Taehyung?"

 

Tae was unable to speak. Jimin was naked. Jimin was really naked with someone else on the bed under him. When Min Yoongi's frowning face snapped up, Tae felt sick. He was going to die.

 

"What are you doing here, you brat?!"

 

Jimin fell down on the bed. Tae tried to make sense of what he was seeing and say something, but no sounds came out.

 

"Taehyung, please," Jimin started anguished, picking a robe from the ground, "you have to listen to me."

 

"I..." he uttered still in shock, "I am so sorry, I thought I heard you moan and... And..."

 

"He was moaning, you idiot, and you ruined it."

 

"Yoongi, be quiet," he hissed.

 

"I'm sorry, I thought you might be in pain or... Or suffering. I am so stupid, sorry."

 

Taehyung stumbled out of the room, tripping on himself. He ran the rest of the way to his chambers, trying desperately to erase that image from his head and get control of that heat that was running up his body. Someone gripped his arm, forcing him to stop. Tae gulped when he realized he was face to face with Jimin.

 

"Taehyung, we need to talk," he demanded, a lot more firm than Tae had ever seen him, "you absolutely cannot tell anyone what you saw."

 

"I... What was that? Are you two in a relationship?"

 

"I will explain, just please promise me you will not tell."

 

"Of course I won't."

 

Jimin nodded, his breaths slowing. He let go of Tae, hand going to his wild heart. He was slightly red, Tae didn't know if from embarrassment or running after him.

 

"Can we go to your room? I will tell you."

 

Tae agreed albeit reluctantly. Despite how uncomfortable and bothered he felt, he was far too curious to hear what Jimin had to say. He opened the door, allowing him to walk inside. There was a moment of silence in which Taehyung paced around, waiting for Jimin to start.

 

"Yes," he finally said after calming down, causing Tae to still, "Yoongi and I do love each other. We have for years now."

 

"I figured this much, Yoongi is quite obvious. Why the secret, though?"

 

"Because they would not accept it. I do not know how things worked in your city, but here in Jinse it is a not as simple as choosing who to love."

 

"Well, it was normal, people knew. I supposed it did not matter..." Tae rubbed his neck, uneasy with the subject. He was aware Namjoon and Hoseok had shared a special relationship years back. He had not found it strange at the time, he was under the impression no one really cared how one chose to live in their intimacy.

 

"They know it too here, they simply pretend they don't. You see, it's understood that soldiers might have... Needs, when they are away. It's considered acceptable as a replacement, to find some comfort and pleasure, but not for..."

 

"Not for a relationship," he completed with sorrow.

 

Jimin looked up at him, shaking his head. He appeared to be so much older. The usual glow had left him, replaced by a certainty of defeat.

 

"Yoongi is a general, he is in the high command, if it is known he prefers to... To lie with other men, he would be demoralized. It would impact his authority gravely, as if it made him less of a men, you understand? And nothing is more looked down upon than women."

 

Dawon's words replayed in his mind. She was right, somethings did not change.

 

"I understand."

 

"It is a political issue, Yoongi could be ostracized, he could lose his position."

 

"Jeongguk would not let that happen."

 

"No, he would not, but for that he would have to face harsh opposition from the council and most soldiers, he would have to deal with a severe rift and more weight would go on his shoulders. I don't want to put him in this position."

 

Taehyung could not help smiling despite the circumstances. Jimin truly was distinguished. He cared in a world most people lost notion of what it meant to.

 

"Is this what worries you?"

 

Jimin sat down on his bed, fingers brushing back his hair.

 

"Guk has had to deal with so much, I don't want to add to his burden. He is so dear to me, Taehyung, all I want is for him to be happy."

 

Tae sat beside him.

 

"Jimin, you deserve to be happy too."

 

"I am happy," he argued but the weakness of his voice transmitted no security, "it is not ideal, but it is better than nothing. We found a way for us."

 

"Why?" Tae questioned, "If you knew it would bring you this much trouble why even try it?"

 

Jimin smiled at him, an antithesis to the sadness hidden in his eyes. There was also an undertone to it, Taehyung thought, something close to pity.

 

"Because he loves me, and I love him. In the end it is really as simple as that."

 

"Is it worth risking everything for?"

 

"I danced too, you know?" He mentioned out of a sudden, confusing Taehyung, "A bit similar to you. Not religiously, but I danced at the festivals. Not to brag, but I was quite talented at it. I attracted this older man's attention in one of these occasions, I was barely more than a child. He started to chase me from then on. I refused him. I thought I had the right to."

 

"Of course you did!"

 

"No," Jimin wiped his tears clumsily, "no one has rights when it comes to men of power. They do as they please. I refused him so many times, but he was a storm and I no more than a leaf. There was only so much I could resist. I think at some point it turned into a power play for him. He destroyed my family, left us in poverty, he had the means to. He broke us down and I thought that was his revenge for me daring to defy him. But it was not enough. When we were left with nothing he came to my parents with a proposal and I was sold to him."

 

Taehyung caressed his back, attempting to comfort him even though he knew it was useless. Somethings could not be solved simply with love and care.

 

"Jimin, I am so sorry."

 

"It was a high sum at least." He shrugged, but Taehyung notice he was beginning to shake. "He abused of me in all the ways I think a person can be abused. He turned me into an object. And when he was tired of me he let others play too. It brought him rivers of money. I think I laid down with all the important people there. I was completely dehumanized. I was his bargaining token, his eyes and ears, his product. And then came Jeongguk. It is no exaggeration to call him my savior. He brought me here to safety, but I was still so afraid. I had lost the ability to trust anyone. Everyday I was scared he would turn out to be like him, that he would use me too. He put Yoongi to protect me, so I could feel a bit safer. And Yoongi..." Jimin sniffed, smiling at his lap, "Yoongi brought me back to life. We fell in love. It was so hard for me in the beginning. I could not stand being touched, I could not trust and he was so patient with me, so loving. He faced all my battles with me, he gave me strength when I needed it, he helped me heal and never asked for anything back. How could I not fall in love with him?"

 

He couldn't. Tae pursed his lips.

 

"Does Jeongguk know?"

 

"No, and you cannot tell him," Jimin asked, grabbing Tae's hand, "I know Guk, he will want to fight for us."

 

"Fine," he muttered, sadly adding another secret to his list, "but you should be more careful, Jimin."

 

"We will be. I'm sorry you had to witness that."

 

"I already forgot it. We shall pretend it never happened." Tae tapped his knee, "Go back to him now."

 

Jimin stood back up and squeezed his hands.

 

"Thank you, Taehyung."

 

Tae watched him leave, with his head spinning. He fell down on the bed, not caring he was sweaty. He never took Yoongi for the passionate kind, and yet he was willing to put everything at risk for a stolen moment with Jimin. The priests were right, emotion did clutter reason. It was a sad fate, having to live in the shadows, hiding your heart. But perhaps sadder was to live in loneliness. Taehyung had known the sorrows of emptiness too well. Unfair was the first word to come to his mind, however he was past the point of having hope in justice. No. Taehyung's skinny hope was walking on thin wire, struggling to keep going without falling and shattering. But somehow it continued and that in itself seemed an achievement in such world.

 

More than anything, he was confused by his own feelings, charting unexplored territory. Every new sensation the emperor awakened on him was unprecedented. Jeongguk was conquering him as skillfully and definitely as he did to his territories and Tae was terrified. There was a long list of reasons why he should not feel anything remotely close to fondness for him and yet he longed for his company. Had Taehyung gone mad too? It seemed to be happening to all of them. Perhaps insanity was the only way to survive. He could not stop thinking about Jeongguk's words, the way he held his hand. He was sincere, Taehyung wore masks. Tae was good at preaching, but practicing? That was another story. What was the point of his righteousness, if he was so easily corrupted?

 

He barely closed his eyes that night, the voices in his head fighting for hours. It didn't help that Taehyung's body seemed to have reacted to what he saw on its own. He was sensitive, without fully understanding what it meant, tingling. He got up and went up to the old mirror on the wall. The first rays of light creeped under the drapes. Tae let his gown fall down observing his naked figure. He pushed his shoulders back, turning to catch all his angles. His hands ran down his skin, feeling it's bumps and failures. Still, he was handsome, he supposed. He was human. Human. It seemed silly to confine them to a rule like balance when everything in their nature screamed against it. Tae got back under the covers, feeling the friction of the silk sheets against him.

His meeting with Jeongguk had almost slipped his mind. Almost. He thought about not going, but was too weak not to. A servant poured slightly cold water over him, calming the fever from the previous night. Tae observed the drops of water run down his arms, tracing their path down. Somethings were inevitable.

 

"Do they have to follow us?" Taehyung asked when he met the emperor, glancing uneasy at the soldiers that walked out of the palace behind them.

 

"I'm sorry," Jeongguk sighed, glaring at the shadows, "since the attack, security has been reinforced. Just pretend they are not there."

 

It was difficult to ignore their ominous presence when Tae felt they could kill him if he so much as looked wrong at Jeongguk. He focused on the way ahead, kicking at small stones.

 

"I prefer it when it is just us."

 

Jeongguk smiled fondly at that, however Tae did not see it. He never saw it.

 

"Me too. Once we are there though, they will leave us."

 

"Can't you at least give me a hint of where we are going?"

 

"You will have to wait and see."

 

Taehyung nudged him, annoyed by his smirk. Jeongguk's pace slowed when they reached a side street with simpler constructions, not far from the center square. He pointed to a low white building. It was pretty, but Taehyung knew it would not have caught his eye compared to others nearby.

 

"There."

 

"What is there?" Tae insisted like an impatient child.

 

"Close your eyes please."

 

"Why?"

 

Jeongguk rolled his eyes, holding himself back from grinning at his stubborness.

 

"Please."

 

Tae abided, falling into darkness. He flinched when Jeongguk's hands held his.

 

"It's just me," he reassured, "I'll take you inside."

 

The feeling was already familiar to Tae. He moved slowly following Jeongguk's instructions. A draft of air hit them when a door opened. It was silent, Taehyung knew they were alone.

 

"Alright..." Jeongguk halted, he observed Taehyung full of expectation, "You can look."

 

Tae opened his eyes. He let out a stunned gasp. Shelves holding books and rolls occupied the extension of the place. Long wooden tables were disposed in the middle. Light entered in through the high windows, clearing the hall. Tae walked closer to the volumes, picking a well conserved one. The tips of his finger ran over the leather cover. He beamed at Jeongguk.

 

"A library?"

 

The emperor nodded, smiling proudly at the shelves. He opened his arms wide.

 

"Jinse's first public library," Guk's eyes set on his, "inspired by you."

 

"Jeongguk..." Tae was having trouble finding the words, "This is amazing. Why didn't you tell me about it?"

 

"I wanted to keep it a surprise. Jimin has been coordinating the project. The books were being kept at the palace, why not let everyone enjoy them, like you do?"

 

"I thought you looked down on reading," Tae accused, walking around the shelves with Jeongguk behind him

 

"I don't," he fended, pulling a book out to stare at Tae through the gap, only catching a glimpse of his feline eyes before he moved on to the next one, "I simply think somethings are better lived than told. The building was empty and this seemed like a good use for it. It will be opened soon, but I wanted you to see it first. I know it's not that big yet, a lot smaller than what you are used to..."

 

Taehyung's head peaked out of a hallway, his square smile lighting the room more than the sun itself.

 

"I love it."

 

"Then I'm glad. There is something else I have to show you."

 

Jeongguk waved his head for Tae to accompany him. He led the boy to a corner shelf that held a set of familiar ones. Taehyung looked at him at loss, but Jeongguk simply incentived him to step closer, which he did. He raised his fingers, grazing the spines in wonder.

 

"Are these...?"

 

"I told you we would keep them safe. This is just some of what we got from your city, the rest is still to come. They are yours, Tae, for you to decide what to do."

 

"I want them here," Taehyung declared without doubt, "I want people to read them and to know there was a valley named Hareum, and a people called Shan who lived there. I want them to know about the most beautiful spot of this land, our religion and our history."

 

Jeongguk nodded, admiring the books as well.

 

"Then so they shall."

 

"Thank you," he murmured still entranced.

 

Guk observed Tae's sparkling gaze as he checked every copy, certifying they were just as he remembered.

 

"What is your favorite?"

 

"There are so many... It is hard to choose. Lady Murasaki's "Genji Monogatari" comes to mind, it is brilliant. And Confucius work obviously..."

 

"Obviously," Jeongguk said with false solemnity. Tae glared at him before a work picked his attention.

 

"Look at this gem..." he showed him the small book, "I love Li Bai's poetry. Do you like it?"

 

Jeongguk gulped ashamed.

 

"I am not familiar with it, no." He scratched the back of his head, looking away.

 

"Oh, Guk, it is wonderful, you should read it."

 

"Read one for me?" He asked.

 

Taehyung smiled, promptly agreeing to it. He sat down at one of the tables with Jeongguk, going through the pages before setting on one.

 

"The fields are calm, the sparse rain has stopped,

The colors of the spring bustle on every side

With leaping fish, the blue pond is full;

With singing thrushes, the green branches droop.

The flowers of the field have dabbled their powdered cheeks;

The mountain grasses are bent level at the waist

By the bamboo stream, the last fragment of cloud

Blown by the wind slowly scatters away."

 

Jeongguk sighed pleased, sharing Taehyung's joy.

 

"You were right, it is beautiful."

 

"This is 'Clearing at Dawn', one of my favorites."

 

"Why?" He leaned on his palm ready to listen Taehyung speak about whatever he wanted.

 

"I enjoy the feeling it evokes. Dawn is my favorite moment, when you are waiting for the sun to rise, night and day mingling, painting the sky purple... There is something so utterly peaceful about hearing the birds sing, signalizing the new day, it is a breath of life, a new cycle, a new chance to be alive. I hiked to the mountains to watch it with the priests and the rest of the apprentices, no better moment to pray and meditate. Namjoon liked to get up early to watch it too."

 

"You are impressive Kim Taehyung," Jeongguk murmured, loving the way Tae's eyes widened looking at him, "I mean it. I have never met anyone like you, how wise and thoughtful you are. How you extract the most beautiful part out of the simples things... You amaze me." Taehyung choked, hiding away his blushing cheeks. Luckily Jeongguk saved him from having to answer. "Read another one, please."

 

Tae cleared his throat, bringing his attention back to the pages beneath his eyes.

 

"Before my bed, moonlight

I think that it is frost upon the ground

I raise my head and look at the bright moon,

I lower my head and think of home."

 

There was a moment of silence as the last verse lingered on the air, both thinking the same thing. Taehyung shut the book, turning to Jeongguk.

 

"What is a favorite of yours?"

 

"Oh," Guk fiddled with his fingers as he stood up to search for it, "I guess it is this one."

 

He brought a thick book back to the table, making Taehyung curious.

 

"The images are pretty," he explained timid.

 

Indeed they were. Yet Tae was distracted by the big eyes next to him, watching the boy chew his lips.

 

"What is it about?"

 

"A love story, I think, but I don't really know. I, hm... I never properly learned how to read." He looked at Tae hesitant, unsure of his reaction. "I know it is a shame. Jimin reads for me when I need it. He tried teaching me, but I am very bad at it. Words are hard"

 

"No, Guk, I understand," Tae assured him, noticing his discomfort, "it's fine. Many people haven't learned. You said it yourself, I was privileged. You should not feel embarrassed about it. I can teach you, if you still want to learn."

 

"You would do that?"

 

"Of course. You have taught me so much as well."

 

Jeongguk was touched to say the least. He had wanted to study when he was younger, but never as much as he did when he spoke to Taehyung. He hadn't lied previously, he did wish, more than he was proud to admit, to be part of his world.

 

"Thank you, Taehyung. It is silly, but I feel like I can read the story through the images."

 

"I don't think it is silly... In fact, you are right, Guk, it is a love story. And you're right about more too," he turned on the chair to gaze at him, "somethings are better lived than told."

Notes:

Hello! This week has been hectic for me, my realtives are here and I had to sneak in some moments to write. Thank you for your patience and understanding and for reading, of course. So Taehyung is slowly starting to accept his feelings... What do you think about that? Maybe there is hope after all. Also yoonmin! Were you surprised to know they are in a relationship already? And Jimin's story... Please tell me what you thought about the chapter, I love reading the comments and they motivate me a lot. If you like it reccomend it to your friends, if you don't like it reccomend it to your enemies :)
See you next chapter uwu ♡♡♡

Chapter 22

"Jeon... Jeong... Guk." Taehyung said slowly, fingers pointing each symbol. He observed his starry eyes shine, lips curling into a smile when they moved up to look at his.

 

"It's amazing... Thank you, Tae. I know this may not seem much to you, but it is to me."

 

"I understand," he assured, holding Jeongguk's hand, "I'm happy to do this for you."

 

They were close, hunched over the parchment. Tae still held the brush with ink recently used. The emperor beamed, tracing the barely dry letters with his fingers, dirtying them.

 

"It looks very good."

 

"You are being cocky again." He waved his brush, grinning.

 

"Teach me yours," Guk nudged him, "I want see if it is prettier."

 

Taehyung huffed to tease him, but dipped the brush in ink again.

 

"Kim... Tae... Hyung."

 

He glanced at the emperor for his verdict. Jeongguk scratched his chin, pretending to be deep in thought.

 

"Ah yes, definitely prettier." Tae snorted, pushing him lightly, "What about sea?"

 

Taehyung drew the short word beneath their names. He offered Jeongguk the brush and the paper.

 

"Try it."

 

If Guk was hesitant he did not show, taking it at once. His lips were pursed in concentration, his small dimples showing, a frown on his forehead. He smirked at the result, covering it with his hand, so Taehyung couldn't peak.

 

"Here." He gave the paper back.

 

His calligraphy was tortuous, but the message was clear: "Jeon Jeongguk + Kim Taehyung -> sea"

 

Tae chuckled, looking up to see Jeongguk had turned slightly red, the sight only making his smile grow with endearment.

 

"What is this? An invitation?"

 

"A poor try at one." He smiled sheepishly, pulling a loose string from his garment, "Have you seen the sea from close yet?"

 

"No, just from the palace."

 

"I thought so." He nodded, tugging his lower lip between his big teeth, "We should go tonight then."

 

"Trading the torture you call practice for the ocean?" He raised an eyebrow, "It sound like a great idea."

 

"You like training!"

 

"I also like breathing properly."

 

"There are good ways to be breathless." He muttered.

 

Taehyung shied at the way Jeongguk stared intently, his palms sweating out of a sudden. Someone knocked on the door, interrupting them.

 

Jeongguk cleared his throat, "Come in."

 

The image of Seokjin was enough to crack Taehyung's serenity. The felling seemed to be mutual as his nose scrunched the moment he noticed Tae sitting on the floor next to the emperor, glaring at him. He looked from one to the other, the wheels spinning in his head were almost hearable.

 

"Am I interrupting something?"

 

"What brings you here, Seokjin?"

 

His eyes moved from Taehyung's stone expression to the emperor.

 

"Yugyeom's patrol has returned from the north. Apparently he brings grave news and the council has called an urgent meeting."

 

"Fine. I will be in the great hall soon."

 

"Good." He nodded, turning around to leave. However he halted with a hand over the handle, head tilting back, "Weren't you supposed to be in the training center, Jeongguk?"

 

"I was not aware you were taking care of my appointments as well."

 

He didn't seem intimidated, letting out a small chuckle.

 

"I am sure you found better things to do. I shall see you in a bit."

 

Taehyung had not even noticed how tightly his fists were shut before Jeongguk touched them once Seokjin had left. He jumped up, too agitated to remain seated, all the pleasant feelings from before shaded by his anger. His blood boiled as he worn out the soles of his shoes.

 

"Jeongguk, you should not trust him." Tae warned restless, "He is a snake here in your court. Do not trust him!"

 

Jeongguk got up as well, going to ease him. He took Taehyung's hands, making him stop his anxious pacing.

 

"Calm down," he soothed, "he won't hurt anyone else. There is nothing to worry about."

 

Tae sighed, gnawing the inside of cheek. Seokjin was cunning, people like him did not forget, much less forgive. He was simply taking a moment, preparing to attack. Taehyung knew from the way he looked at him that there was an underlying threat there and it did not matter how comforting Jeongguk's voice was he could not feel at peace. It worsened as he recognized behind his calm demeanor something bothered the emperor too.

 

"What did he mean?" He questioned, "Who is back?"

 

His hands let go of Taehyung, who suddenly missed his touch.

 

"I sent a group of soldiers to check on the border, we received word there was some unrest there... I suppose they found something wrong after all."

 

Jeongguk bit his already short nails, thoughts torturing him.

 

"You should go then," Tae said, hugging himself, "it sounds important."

 

"Would you like to accompany me?" He offered, surprising Taehyung.

 

"Me?" He blinked at loss, "Why?"

 

Jeongguk looked at him as if it was a silly question. Tae was sadly clueless of his own potential.

 

"Because you are wise, Taehyung, and I appreciate your world view. You have a lot to offer. Some of the guests I brought to Jinse with me also take part in it."

 

A dazed half smile formed on Taehyung's lips. Never in his city would anyone outside Namjoon, and maybe Hoseok, be interested in what he had to say. No, Taehyung was foolish and strange and impossible to understand. Yet in their differences it seemed Jeongguk and him were in the same world.

 

"Alright." He agreed proudly, "I cannot say I'm not interested."

 

The hall was bustling already, a chaos of discussions and arguments, not so different from the assemblies Tae was familiar with. Chairs were disposed along the space, most of the members seeming to be present, ready to demand Jeongguk his soul. Their eyes crushed him the moment he set foot inside, questions and accusations on the tip of their venomous tongues. He wished more than anything he could clutch Taehyung's hand and seek out his comfort, but showing weakness was not an option. He straightened his back, chest open to face whatever blows they wanted to use against him. An emperor never recoiled. The noise only intensified.

 

"I'm sorry, there's no chair for you." He told Tae, who shrugged.

 

"It's fine. Where should I stand?"

 

"Those are my other friends and guests." Jeongguk pointed a group of people who talked in a corner, "We have Jimin, of course, Jieun, Mingyu, Jonghyun..."

 

"You brought all those people here? Like me?"

 

Jeongguk smirked.

 

"No one is like you."

 

"May we start?" An elderly asked impatiently. Guk rolled his eyes before turning around.

 

"Yes, please."

 

The voices quieted as the members searched for their seats. Tae recognized some of them, not remembering their names though. A soldier stepped up, going to the middle of the hall. He got on his knees in reverence.

 

"My lord."

 

"Yugyeom, what news do you bring us?"

 

The boy stood up, brushing the dust off his clothes.

 

"You were right, there is enemy movement there. Li Yei's men roam near the limits. They have ravished the villages on their side. The situation is not good."

 

An instant of heavy silence followed his words before the members exploded in a fuss, accusations flying and fingers pointing everywhere indiscriminately.

 

"Silence. Silence!" Jeongguk demanded, voice going down a few pitches, "Continue, Yugyeom."

 

"There have been no attacks to the border yet, however they are taunting us."

 

"How many men?"

 

"A legion at least."

 

Jeongguk nodded with thinned lips, resting against the throne as he thought.

 

"We should attack preventively." Taehyung recognized Park Bogum when he spoke up.

 

"I agree," said another man, a merchant from what he remembered, "Li Yei should learn this is no game."

 

"At the expanse of whom?" Taehyung could not hold his tongue, the words spilling before he thought about them. He only realized he had spoken when all the glares were piercing him.

 

"And who are you?" Questioned one of them. Tae raised his eyebrows.

 

"Kim Taehyung. Who are you?"

 

There were some small snorts soon reprimanded by the man's cold eyes.

 

"Jeongguk, who is this insolent? What is he doing here?"

 

"He just told you, Kang, and he is here as my guest and personal advisor."

 

Kang scowled, crossing his arms discontent.

 

"Perhaps you should pick your friends better."

 

"Perhaps you should reflect on why it is so easy for you to condemn dozens of people to death as if it is nothing?" Taehyung retorted and then disorder was installed.

 

Other members had their own say in the matter and they definitely wanted to be heard, speaking over the other.

 

"Enough!" Jeongguk stomped his foot, pressing his temples were a poignant pain was starting, "Send more soldiers there, a legion. This is merely a prevention, for an eventuality. The order is to wait for an attack first. In case they dare making an attempt, slay them. If Li Yei wants blood, then blood he shall have."

 

Taehyung was perplexed at the coldness in Jeongguk's voice, far from the honey tone he had grown used to hearing. He told himself his Jeongguk was there somewhere behind the ruler mask, but there was no such thing as his Jeongguk. There was only one, one that condensed all the beauty Taehyung found in that place, the passion, the vigor, the dedication and strength of spirit and also some of the things he despised about it. Jeongguk had shown time and time again he wasn't simple black and white, maybe Tae didn't have to be too. His idealism, as beautiful as it was, could only lead him so far. Perhaps there was no space for it in a position as complex as the throne. At that moment Taehyung realized, a bit late, true, that despite his appearances the emperor was as much of a prisoner as him.

 

"But, Jeongguk..."

 

"This is the decision for now, unless someone has a serious argument on why it should be done differently let's move on." Silence prevailed as they looked around waiting for one of the others to speak up. When no sound came, Jeongguk smiled pleased, "Good, is there anything more?"

 

"What is this story about you founding a public library?" Seokjin inquired, chin resting on the tips of his long fingers, "When was this discussed or even informed to us?"

 

"It wasn't," Jeongguk answered calmly, "I thought it was a good idea. It is a library, not an act of war."

 

"Well, with the alteration to the slavery law this is the second time you make arbitrary decisions, Jeon." Kang noted, his forehead creased.

 

"I am the emperor after all."

 

"And you need us," Seokjin leaned forward on his chair, his eyes narrowing, "do not forget that. Continuing..."

 

"The marriage issue." An elderly mentioned, garnering a series of agreeing murmurs.

 

"Oh yes, we have been looking into options for your bride..."

 

"No."

 

"Jeongguk," started Bogum, but the emperor glared at him.

 

"No. I will not marry. Not now, at least. Next."

 

With generalized frustration, the subject was dropped. They moved on to discuss less pressing issues.

 

"Are we finished?" He asked tired, eyeing the members one by one.

 

"I suppose..."

 

"Great." He waited for no other word, leaving his throne, Taehyung and the group of leeches behind.

 

That night Tae was more excited than usual. He had begun longing for his private moments with Jeongguk in the normal, but the perspective of having a closer contact with the sea was what made his heart beat wild.

 

"How are we going to get down there?" He questioned in a hush even if there was no one to hear. The path behind the palace, alongside the cliff, was protected by the fields.

 

"I know a way a bit further. You will have to hold my hand, though, it is not very steady."

 

"Are you sure you are not just trying to hold my hand?"

 

Jeongguk turned his head to him with a grin, the wind blowing his raven hair. He was beautiful.

 

"And if I am?"

 

Tae did not reply, simply smiling back. After perhaps a couple of kilometers of walking and Taehyung already panting the cliff began to lower. He could finally visualize a small beach by the foot of it, his exhaustion giving place to wonder. It was quite simple, a narrow strip of sand hidden by the mountain. Taehyung's stomach churned at the height. Guk stopped by the edge, glancing at him.

 

"There is a path down, step where I step, alright?"

 

Tae gulped, twisting his fingers.

 

"Jeongguk, I am not sure about this."

 

"It's safe, I promise. I go down a lot. Do you trust me?"

 

Taehyung nodded, surprised at himself. Guk offered his palm.

 

"Then take my hand, it will be fine."

 

Tae was reluctant, nevertheless he intertwined his fingers with Jeongguk's, like a lifeline. Their hands were clasped as they made the way down, bits of stone rolling down and making Taehyung turn cold.

"It's alright," Jeongguk assured when Tae squeezed him, tightening his grip in response, "you are doing great, we are almost there."

"Guk..."

"Look at me, Tae, just me. We are close now."

 

Despite his initial fear, the nearer they got to the ocean, the more Taehyung's joy grew, heart accelerating. When his toes made the first contact with the rough, prickly sand he could not hold himself. He let go of Guk, dashing towards the water. The feeling of the sand against his skin was strange. Tae stopped at the limits of the ocean, the waves reaching his feet, kissing him in a gentle welcome. It wasn't as cold as he had expected it to be. Quite the contrary. Tae felt involved by a singular heat. The salty smell - Jeongguk's smell - was stronger than ever, satisfying his senses. He looked back for the emperor who walked in his direction with a charmed beam. Jeongguk could not help smiling like a fool at his delight. Taehyung glowed brighter than any star.

 

"Thank you." Tae said when he reached his side.

 

"Don't you want to go in?"

 

Taehyung smirked, eyes darting from him to the vast ocean ahead, waiting for him with arms open. He began to adventure further, sinking in the wet sand, toes curling to magnify the sensation. The water damped the hem of his clothes, to which he was oblivious. He squirmed at the contrast of temperature, getting used to it. Slowly, his muscles relaxed. The sea became one with him, embracing Tae, washing his fears away. It was as cathartic as a ritual, he let his eyes shut, living that moment with every sense, attentive to each feeling: the water moving softly around him, the shells and the sand, the breeze that played with him. And Jeongguk. Jeongguk was always there. Tae sunk, letting the ocean cover him in peace. No noise, no expectations or threats. He was free. He melted with the water. The ocean nursed him, carrying him with the rhythm of the waves. Perhaps there came a time to let go.

Tae surfaced, brushing his wet hair back with a breath of life. Jeongguk was beside him in trance. He had heard old stories about sirens that seduced unknowing sailors, drowning them. It did not seem absurd to him. He would follow Taehyung wherever, he was drowning in him already.

 

"You are the sea, Taehyung," he whispered, observing the water running down his skin, making him shine as a pearl, a precious treasure the water had given him.

 

Taehyung cupped his cheeks, gazing into the stars of his eyes, more compelling than any in the sky. His thumb caressed his cheek, Jeongguk was immobile. Tae painted every trace of him in his mind, lingering on every scar, every mole, every tiny characteristic that made Jeongguk who he was. Taehyung had feelings for him. He didn't know what those were, or how to explain it, but he knew they were there. They had been for a while, when he woke up and when he would go to sleep. It was pointless denying, Jeongguk had conquered his heart, even though he tried to fight it. He was tired of resisting. Eyes landed on his lips. Taehyung wondered how they would feel against his. Would they be rough? Or perhaps gentle as Jeongguk had been to him? Would they make him desire the man more? It became unbearable, the string that pulled them together almost hurt Taehyung with its strength, tied in his guts, wrapped around his throat, begging for a release that he was too scared to give. But Jeongguk was close, he was so close... They took in each other's air, hot breaths tingling their skin. Noses grazed one another, scenting, exploring. Taehyung's mouth hung over his, lips only brushing together in a teasing touch, eyes wide watching as Jeongguk let his shut slowly, his chest gluing to Taehyung's, rising up and down quickly. He closed his own eyes too, inhaling one last time before crashing against the emperor. It was a delicate kiss, simple, almost chaste, lips dancing together clumsily. Taehyung placed small unsure pecks, tasting him. It was enough to ignite a blaze.

Jeongguk was limp, he had surrendered, completely at the mercy of Taehyung. His hands rose to him, touching his arms, making the way up to his face, certifying he was real and not another of his fleeting dreams. He wanted nothing more than to take the boy right then and there and cease the wild fire he caused on him, but Taehyung was also like a butterfly. Jeongguk was afraid any rush, any step over his limits would make him fly away, and he would lose him. He couldn't lose Taehyung. Taehyung, his sun, his water. Taehyung who let go of him, moving away, leaving Jeongguk with a pout, begging for more of him. He opened his eyes catching sight of his beam. Tae was a bit shy, however he did not look away sustaining his gaze. Jeongguk wanted to ask him what that was, demand an explanation, but he was scared of the answer. He was scared again. Instead he preferred to cherish the tingling on his lips, and the violence with which his heart beat against his ribs. Tae smiled softly.

 

"I like it here." He said, studying the extension of the beach.

 

Jeongguk blinked his haze away.

 

"I like it too. More so when I'm with you. This moments when it is only the two of us... They mean a lot to me."

 

"To me as well."

 

It was true. Being with Jeongguk in privacy, discovering him was what Taehyung enjoyed most. He splashed the emperor with water to alleviate the ardent tension, giggling at his surprise. Jeongguk smirked, sweeping him up to throw him on the water. The two played, retrieving the lost youth. In its innocent simplicity it was a glorious moment.

 

When Taehyung's fingers were already soggy they swam back to the sand, twisting their soaked clothes, laughing at nothing. They sat down to enjoy the night. Taehyung lost his restrains. He moved closer to Jeongguk, to lie his head on his shoulder. The emperor was surprised, his wide eyes moving down to where Taehyung's wet hair tickled his neck. He smiled and let his arm to rest on his side, holding Tae close to him. It was sublime. He was afraid he would blink and that moment would fade.

 

"I want to go there." Jeongguk pointed to the horizon line where the sky combined with the ocean, "Beyond where the sun is born."

 

"I want to go everywhere." Taehyung sighed drowsy.

 

"When I was younger I dreamt of building a boat and discovering what lies ahead. My father said it was a dumb idea, that I would eventually fall down, like a waterfall."

 

"And fall where?"

 

Guk chuckled.

 

"That's a good question. I don't know. Someone told me it was round, though. If it's round, there is no end and no beginning, the back is front and the front is back and we are all the same, isn't that fascinating?"

Tae smiled contented.

 

"I guess it is, yes."

 

"I want to take a boat and sail and sail until the sea becomes land and I am somewhere else."

 

"Do you want to go with me?"

 

"Yes," he did not hesitate to answer, "just you and me."

 

"Good, I want to see it too."

 

Jeongguk's fingers caressed him uncertain, afraid Tae might shatter under his touch. He had never treated someone as tenderly before. He wasn't sure he had the capacity to. Taehyung closed his eyes, waves of feelings overflowing.

 

"I wish I could escape sometimes," he confessed in a murmur, making Tae look at him, "get rid of all these ties and invisible shackles."

 

"Stop being prisoner."

 

"Yes."

 

"Me too."

 

"Then let's go." Jeongguk moved back, causing Tae's head to snap up. He had a half smile.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"Let's find a new world if this one is not good enough." Tae chuckled, making him frown, "I mean it. Why are you laughing?"

 

"You... You are not what I thought you were." Jeongguk missed the pain hidden in Taehyung's voice. He laid on his shoulder again, "I wish we could go into the sea and never look back."

 

"We will, one day."

 

Taehyung sighed yearning.

 

"One day."

Notes:

Hello!
Thank you for reading and for your patience with me. So we finally got what we've been waiting for! Taekook rise! What did you think of their moment? And what are your bets for their future?
Please leave me a comment telling me how you feel about the story and this chapter, it really means a lot to me to know there is people reading it.
See you cuties ♡

Chapter 23

Jeongguk wrapped his hands around Taehyung's waist, pulling his body to mold with his, back to chest. Tae's hands rested over his, as he watched the sun rise over the sea line, the orange light reflecting over the water. Guk's lips traced the path down his neck, leaving kisses there, soft at first, but growing voracious as they lowered, pulling at his skin, making primitive noises leave Taehyung's throat.

"Jeongguk..." he moaned, knees weak, causing him to fall surrendered to the other.

"You're mine now." He murmured by his ear, making Tae squirm. He bit Taehyung's clavicle, "Tell me, tell me you're mine, only mine."

"What?" Tae breathed out, barely able to think.

"You left them for me," his kisses became more aggressive, marking Taehyung.

"What are you talking about?" Tae furrowed his brows. He tried to move away, but the hold was too strong.

"Don't you remember, Taehyung?" He lowered Tae's sleeve exposing his tan shoulder where he feigned his fangs, "Did you already forget? Was it so easy to corrupt you?"

Taehyung's heart beat wild, the grip over his tummy taking his breath away.

"Let me go!" He twisted his body to escape, stepping on Jeongguk's feet.

The emperor let him loose. Taehyung fell down, the sand scratching him. Someone walked on his direction, their feet sinking on the soft surface.

"You can't run, Taehyung," he looked up with a gasp, meeting Dawon's stone eyes, "you can never run from your past."

Taehyung shrieked as the deformed bodies appeared all around him, lost limbs, bashed heads, spilling guts, covering him in death. He tried pointlessly to fight, but he couldn't kill what was already dead. The gruesome army took him down, tearing him apart.

"Jeongguk!" He cried out, searching for his only hope, but he was nowhere to be seen, "Jeongguk! Please!"

Hoseok appeared instead, to pick up Taehyung's shredded body. Tae implored for forgiveness, begging to be left alone, however no one heard him. He was carried to the sea, screaming for a help that wouldn't come. The sky had gone black, no stars to witness his doom. The gods had left him.

"Please!" He sobbed, struggling to get free, "Please, l-let me go! I am sorry!"

Hoseok lowered him down, cold water coming in contact with him. Through his tears Taehyung saw a familiar figure walking his way. Hiccups were all to be heard, the wailing made it hard to speak.

"N-Namjoon?" He choked out with a shred of voice as the image of his brother was clear, "Hyung, tell them... Tell them to forgive me... I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to..."

Namjoon stopped in from of him, looking down at his contorting, crying younger brother.

"You betrayed us, Taehyung," tears streamed down his cheeks as well, "you betrayed me."

"No," he shook his head, gulping, "no, I swear, I never-"

But he couldn't finish. His brother grabbed a fist full of his hair, sinking his head into the ocean. Taehyung screamed, fighting uselessly to escape, the water entering his lungs, mercilessly claiming him.

Taehyung sat up, woken by his own howls, throat burning. He kicked the covers, clutching his heavy chest, heart beating forcefully against it. Cold sweat made his clothes stick to his trembling body. No bruises, no scars, no sign any of that ever happened. Tae hugged his knees, biting down on the collar of his garment to hold his cries back. The feeling of breathing was calming. It was not real.

He lost track of how long he stayed that way, listening to his own reassuring heartbeat, telling himself it was no more than a nightmare. Three nights since he kissed Jeongguk, three nights he could not sleep properly. The branch of sage over his dresser still burned feeble, yet panic had settled again.

He didn't care it was quite early and he hadn't had nearly enough sleep, Tae refused to get back into bed, afraid of his own mind. The palace was showing its first signs of life, waking up to the new day. He felt out of place in the peaceful, at least on the surface, setting. Streets were beginning to fill with the market, the rumble quiet to his ears compared to his own thoughts.

There was only silence in the library when he entered and the old lady who watched over it, like a guardian. Taehyung liked to think of her as Jishi, the goddess of wisdom. But the gods didn't look over him anymore. His usual smile faltered.

He hid between the big shelves, studying the rolls of book spines in a search for something to occupy his mind. His concentration seemed to be damaged, mind going a thousand different places at once. Whenever he closed his eyes he could retrieve almost perfectly his moment with Jeongguk, his lips, his touch that was becoming dangerously familiar to him. Taehyung didn't want to be that swayed, but the emperor was intoxicating, infiltrating his blood, his tongue, piercing in the corners of his soul where he had no business and he was breaking under his power. He kept looking for him in the faces in the crowd, in the knocks at his door, in the pages of the books he read, but as intense as he came, suddenly he left and Taehyung had not grabbed a moment of intimacy with the man since the night at the beach. Guilt flamed as hot as desire, speaking to him in the form of his haunting dreams. They were just figments of his imagination, his conscience. Namjoon would never hate him, he would never kill him, but maybe he should. Taehyung didn't know what to do. Even when he commanded himself to not think, to let go and simply leap, his restraints held him back. He would never be free. He jumped when someone pinched his sides, turning on his heels at once.

"Oh," he tried to cover his disappointment upon finding Jimin there, "it's you."

Jimin frowned with a half-smile.

"Who did you expect it to be?"

"No one," he muttered taking a thick book out of the shelf.

"Are you feeling well, Tae?"

"I'm fine, just had a bad night."

Tae turned his back on him, going to a table to read, but Jimin followed him anyway.

"I see..." He sat by his side, resting over his palm as he observed Tae, "What are your thoughts on the library? It gave me quite a lot of work."

"It is great," he nodded, still looking at the yellowed pages bellow, "thank you."

"Guk is so proud of it. He nearly drove me mad with the project, I guess he was set on impressing you."

Tae gripped the book.

"I don't want to talk about Jeongguk, please."

"Is something wrong?" Jimin questioned, tilting his head, some strands of hair fell over his widened eyes, "Why are you acting like this?"

Taehyung shut the book with a huff, head lowered with the weight he was carrying. Jimin waited patiently, nevertheless intrigued, giving him a moment. Taehyung hadn't known what was having a friend in a long time. He only had older brothers and sisters, leaders and authority figures. Not an equal. Not Jimin. And even if Tae told himself to not idealize it he could not avoid the urge to share. He wanted - no, he needed - someone to tell him it was fine, contraposing to his personal torturer. Jimin would not condemn him and indulgence was everything he craved. He glanced at their surroundings making sure there was no one else before looking at Jimin who already stared at him with a small frustrated pout.

"Jeongguk..." he gulped, the name sounding like an omen on his lips, "I have feelings for Jeongguk."

Jimin chuckled, confusing the anxious Taehyung.

"I cannot say I am surprised."

"You’re not?"

"No," he shook his head still laughing at Tae's innocence, "If anything, I am surprised you admit it. He has the deepest care for you, you know it."

Taehyung nodded, "I do."

"Then why do you look this miserable?"

"I cannot be with him."

"Taehyung..." he sighed. Tae hid his face in his hands.

"It is not right. I keep having horrible nightmares about my people being furious at me."

"It is not real."

"But it could be," he looked at the other boy, unable to hide his anguish, "it would be."

Jimin took his hand, showing him his comforting smile.

"Listen to me, you never asked for this, Taehyung. You never planned this. Life is complex and unpredictable, there is no way to conform it to absolute rules. You are still alive and you alone should decide how to live."

"I would be betraying them."

"And if you lie you would betray yourself."

He squeezed Tae's hand, letting him reflect on his words. There was nothing Taehyung wanted more than to do as Jimin said.

"I am standing on a crossroad."

"Let me offer you a path then, I am actually here because of Guk... He asked me to take you somewhere."

"What?" Tae turned to him, forgetting to cover his excitement, "Why? Does he want to see me?"

"I think he has a surprise for you." Jimin smiled cryptically, amused by Tae's curiosity, "If you want to go, of course. No one else needs to know about it..."

"I should not."

"Think of it this way, the wheel of fortune has placed you two together, maybe it is fate."

Taehyung looked down at his fiddling fingers.

"I know what my fate is."

"No man has that knowledge, Taehyung. We were not made to know, only to live." Jimin stood up, offering him a hand, "He is waiting, but it is your choice."

Taehyung thinned his lips, waging a war against himself that he would lose no matter what. He could not run anymore from Jeongguk and his own feelings. He wanted to dive into him, even if he was only tipping his toes for the moment. There was a number of motives to stay away, but it was stronger than him. He knew he would regret, he knew it would only intensify his own conflict, nevertheless he found himself yearning for the emperor, riding with Jimin to go to his encounter recklessly.

Jimin took him into the woods, outside the city. The shade the trees cast made him uneasy, but that lasted only until he heard him. Even in the dense forest Jeongguk's laughter was unmistakable, the mere sound enough to turn Taehyung giddy as well. Despite all he had faced, his laughter was pure as a child's. They stopped at a clearing where Jeongguk talked to Yoongi. His cackles ceased when they appeared, but the large smile remained on his face as he locked eyes with Taehyung.

Tae noticed a towel was spread on the grass, a large basket next to it. Jeongguk walked up to him helping him down. His hands closed around his waist, flashes of his nightmare haunting him. It was not real. Jeongguk was. His Jeongguk with the bright eyes, the sweet voice and the scars that made up his constellation that only Taehyung had the privilege to discover.

"What is this?" He questioned, indicating the arrangement with his head.

"Isn't it obvious?" Guk teased, not letting go of him, "A picnic."

"Yoongi," Jimin waved his hand, calling the soldier to walk away with him.

Taehyung wondered if they had their own picnic planned, their own little bubble of joy where reality could not catch up to them. Jeongguk sat over the towel, inviting Taehyung to be next to him.

"The poem you read to me, 'Clearing at Dawn', it remained on my mind. This was the closest way I could find to bring it to life. We lost a bit of the dawn moment, though."

"It is perfect, Guk," he said sincerely, holding his hand. He had made the right decision. "I cannot believe you got Yoongi to help with this."

He chuckled, "Why?"

"Because he hates me."

"He does not hate you..." Jeongguk argued, laughing at Taehyung's incredulous expression, "Fine maybe you started with the wrong foot, but he will fall for your charms too."

"Too?" Taehyung raised his brows suggestive, "Who is the other?"

Jeongguk looked away, biting back a smile.

"Park Bogum, of course." He poured Tae a glass of wine. Taehyung chuckled, shaking his head. "It's true. He could not tear his eyes away from you the other day at the council."

"Is that so?" Tae grinned into his glass, "I did not notice. What about you? What did you find of my participation?"

"Akin to you: intelligent, thoughtful and compassionate."

"The others were mad."

"I don't care," Jeongguk shrugged, but Tae saw a lingering reluctance in his eyes, "I'm sick of letting myself be intimidated."

"Well, I think you made the right decision if it is worth anything."

"It is worth more than you think."

"Are they always that tiresome?" Tae asked, playing with the little flowers on the ground.

"Worse," he took a sip, pursing his reddish lips, "I think my father scared them, which I seem to be failing to do."

Taehyung put his glass down, observing the man in front of him intently.

"Did he scare you?"

Jeongguk stared back for a moment before lowering his head.

"Yes. When... When he died, it was quite strange. I thought I would feel free or stronger, but I didn't. I felt alone. My mother and sister had already been dead for long when it happened, he was the last piece of my family."

Taehyung's fingertips caressed his arm.

"You never talk about your mother."

"Because it hurts."

Tae let his hand slip away.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Guk shrugged, taking his hand again. "If you want to know, she was lovable and patient. There was a time when she was even hopeful... " he gulped, smiling sadly at the ground, "I miss her, a lot more than I let myself admit. I thought forgetting was easier than living with it. That it could stay in the past and that this pain would be gone..."

"But it never really is."

He met Tae's gaze, shaking his head. He sighed, making an effort to lighten up.

"Well, what about you? What were you afraid of?"

"There was a time I wasn't afraid of anything." Tae beamed, cocking his head back, "I thought the world was mine to play."

"I wish I could give this back to you."

"You have already given me something though. As I grew older and self conscious I began fearing other's expectations. For years I let them oppress me. I have been conquering this fear as of late I think, with you."

"I'm glad to help you too," Guk grinned pleased, his sorrow relived by the boy next to him. He forced himself to stop staring, taking the basket. "Strawberries?"

Taehyung nodded, stretching his hand forward to receive one, but Jeongguk leaned closer instead, bringing the red plump fruit to his lips. Tae smirked, letting the emperor serve him, sucking on the sweet juice. Guk was fixated on his mouth, entranced.

"I love strawberries," Tae said, licking his lips, "I used to pick them at the woods."

"Alone?"

He nodded, observing as Jeongguk tasted one himself.

"Told you I wasn't afraid. Once I got distracted chasing a bunny and got out of my usual path. It took a day of search for them to find me, the whole city was involved, pure chaos. My father was quite upset."

He remembered his father’s frustration, the disappointment plastered on his face. There went Taehyung again making one of his messes, bringing him shame.

"What did he do to you?"

"No more strawberries, of course, and no leaving the house, but I didn't obey."

Guk snorted, offering Tae another strawberry that he ate gladly.

"Oh, you were a rebel? I'm not surprised."

Taehyung had a half smile.

"Namjoon said I made life more interesting, but I think for my father it was only difficult. I brought him problems... When I became an apprentice everything changed. I gained new purpose, new responsibilities, a new sense of my own self. I wanted to honor him, to honor the fate he had chosen for me, make him proud. But you take me back to who I used to be."

"Was I..." he licked his lips, hesitating with the question, "Was I the first person to kiss you?"

Tae frowned.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I simply do."

"Yes," he bit his bottom lip, "are you satisfied?"

"Only that you chose me. I guess we both are rediscovering life with each other then."

"I suppose." He smiled mischievously, leaning forward to steal a peck from Jeongguk's lips, leaving him flustered. Tae giggled, "Am I making the emperor blush?"

Jeongguk stared at the ground, embarrassed by his reaction. Taehyung infiltrated his armor more easily than any sword.

"I'm just glad you decided to join me." He beamed foolishly, ripping one of the little flowers to place it on his hair. "To be honest I thought you wouldn't after what happened."

"I almost didn't," he admitted, "I was afraid... I am."

"Of me?" Guk questioned. Tae denied with his head.

"Of whatever is happening between us, what it means. There is a lot at stake, for both of us. I'm not sure of what to do yet."

"What made you change your mind then?"

"Honestly, I don't know, I simply could not refuse. I cannot distance myself from you. This is what scares me."

"Then you aren't scared alone," he scooted closer, "Whatever is your wish, I will abide. Just, please, do not push me away."

Taehyung placed his soft palm over Jeongguk's cheek, making him stare into his abyssal brown eyes that drew him in, hiding all the secrets he longed to know.

"Don't do this," he whispered.

"What?" Tae asked, studying him.

"Don't look at me like that, or else I will begin to have hope you might truly reciprocate my feelings."

"I don't fully comprehend how I feel yet," Taehyung confessed, his thumb brushing his skin as Guk leaned into his comforting touch, "there is too much involved, but when it is only the two of us I believe this could be something good."

"Taehyung," Jeongguk ended the distance between them, lips grazing his skin, breathing near his ear, "let us not think about this and simply see how it goes. I promise not to ask anything of you. I understand the situation is too delicate. But let us at least try. Is this fine with you?"

Taehyung looked deep into the light of his eyes, taking in his air. He did not speak, instead sealing his lips with the emperor's. It was the only answer he could give, the only one Jeongguk needed. Guk laid him down gently on the grass, fingers running over his hair strands as he kissed him slowly, taking the lead that time. He opened the door to a world of new possibilities. Maybe they didn't need any boat for that after all. Taehyung sighed as Jeongguk licked his lips and explored the insides of his mouth. Strawberries had never tasted so good. Guk set every inch of him on fire, Tae succumbed and let him do as he pleased. Thoughts vanished, his mind was held captive by Jeongguk . His reluctant fingers explored beyond the limits of his cheeks, going around his neck, feeling down to his first vertebras underneath the light fabric of his clothes. Jeongguk let out an airy chuckle into the kiss as Taehyung tickled him. His head moved up to admire the man below.

"You are beautiful, Kim Taehyung," he sighed in reverence.

Tae kissed the scar on his cheek.

"So are you."

Guk moved off of him and Tae sat up, laying his head on his shoulder as he learned he loved to do. The two ate the small breakfast Jeongguk had packed for them, wasting all their time on each other. Birds serenaded, chirping blending with their conversation.

After eating, Taehyung stretched himself lazily over the grass. A large yawn made its way out. He laid on his side to gaze at Jeongguk, rubbing his dreary eyes.

"Sorry," he murmured sheepishly, fiddling with Guk's clothes, "I'm tired."

"Haven't you been sleeping?"

"You know how it is," he muttered, not wanting to think about the nightmares.

"Then you should rest if you feel at ease. I'll watch over you."

"You don't mind?"

Guk shook his head.

"Can you tell me a story, Guk?"

"About what?"

"Anything you want... Something that makes you happy."

Jeongguk grinned. Taehyung made him happy, but that was a story he already knew.

"I had a dog once."

"Oh yeah?" Tae inhaled his calming scent, shutting his eyes.

"Yes. There was this time we settled for a while in a rural village, nothing special to anyone. But it was to me. We built a shack over the hill, my first home. I was very young, my sister only a baby. It is fading now, every day it escapes my reach little by little. I try holding on to it, draw it sometimes, but the pieces don't connect anymore. I do remember running though, when running was a game instead of a way of living, with the other kids on the summer mornings, scaring the geese. Then we climbed on trees and played with our imaginations, simple joys. It was the most peaceful time I ever knew. That was when I got a dog, a stray one, followed me home one day. Somehow that was really defining for me. My father never let me keep any animals, it was a mouth more to feed, but things were different. We had something we had not known prior. Thank you for reminding me of it."

But Taehyung did not reply, already taken by a swift sleep. Guk brushed his hair away from his exquisite features. He was nature's most stunning work, rivaling any sunset. Jeongguk knew how good things ended, he remembered the way hunger came and they were forced to move out. He remembered his father's fights with the locals and with his mother. He remembered watching that mirage fade back into the rough desert of desolation. Yet he wanted to believe it wouldn't be always like that, he wanted to try again. Taehyung had instilled in him an astonishing, maybe even dumb, sense of hope he had imagined to be out of his reach.

Guk wondered what he was dreaming of that made his lips curl up. He made small noises sleeping, an adoring grin took Jeongguk's face, making his chest puff with bustling happiness and butterflies as beautiful as Taehyung himself. He evoked the very best on him. He was a breath of fresh air. But Jeongguk knew how good things ended.

He was startled when Yoongi and Jimin invaded the clearing with urgency, moving his hand away from Taehyung's face.

"What is it?" He hissed annoyed.

"You need to move," Yoongi stated, "now."

"What?"

"Soldiers." Jimin explained, cleaning any signs of the picnic, "They are probably looking for you. Two coming this way and few others taking different paths."

"Hm?" Tae whined, stirring in his sleep. It was not fair, nevertheless Guk rocked him, bringing out of his rare serenity.

"Tae, you have to get up."

"What?" He blinked hazy, focusing on him, "Why? Is something happening?"

"There are soldiers looking for me," he explained, "I have to go."

"Already?" He pouted, using his hands as support to propel himself up.

"Sadly yes." He took Taehyung's hands, bringing them to his lips, speaking in a hush for only him to hear, "Thank you for coming to see me, you have no idea how happy you made me."

"Jeongguk," Yoongi pressed, hand resting over his sword as he checked the path they had taken.

Guk cursed under his breath, jumping on his feet. He mounted on his horse, capturing the image of Taehyung sitting on the grass, tousled hair and honey skin, one last time before riding away with Yoongi. Tae was still processing the turn of events.

"Taehyung," Jimin called, finishing packing the basket, "we should go too. Something is happening at the palace for them to come searching for Guk like this."

"What could it be?" Tae asked, following his steps. Jimin shrugged.

"I have no idea, but let's be optimistic. Come on."

Tae got on the horse behind Jimin, carrying the basket on his lap. How could a morning as lovely end like that? They took a different route towards the city, distancing themselves from Yoongi and Jeongguk. A soldier spotted them on the way, dashing to intercept the two before they could escape.

"Damn it. Let me speak," Jimin murmured over his shoulder.

Tae nodded, clinging to him tighter.

"Aye!" The man halted before them, blocking the way.

"Choi." Jimin bowed, his tone as sweet and calm as usual, however Tae sensed the tension on his body.

"Park. And who do you have there with you?"

"My friend, Taehyung."

"Oh!" He nodded knowingly, "Jeongguk's Shan boy, is it?"

"Our guest," Jimin corrected.

"What are you up to?"

"Just taking Taehyung to see the scenery around."

"And the basket?"

"Our lunch." Jimin retorted, but he still looked suspicious, "What about you?"

"Looking for the emperor. Perhaps you have seen him?"

"Not since much earlier, no."

"What about you?" He glanced at Tae, "I heard you had quite the tongue, why so quiet now?"

Despite the cold feeling on his spine Tae did not avoid his stare, toughening his own expression.

"I haven't seen him, no."

"Well, you boys should head back to the city. A storm is coming."

Before they could ask what he meant the man had nudged his horse, trotting away. Jimin did the same, picking up speed to reach the gates faster.

"Why was he questioning us?" Taehyung asked, his heart beating on his eardrums.

"I don't know."

"You must have an idea, I realized how uneasy you were."

"I simply don't like him. He is friends with people I don't trust."

"Such as?"

"Kim Seokjin," he said through his teeth, eyeing Tae, "is that enough for you?"

Taehyung did not answer, a twinge on the pit of his stomach. It seemed an eternity before they finally passed by the tall walls. The city seemed unbothered, unaware of whatever cloud was forming over it. Even the central square outside the palace was as usual. For some reason it made Tae even more concerned.

The two ran inside the palace, Jimin leading the way to the Great Hall. There the change was felt. The chaos exceeded even Taehyung's expectations, being heard through the closed wooden door, diffuse words echoing in the hallway. Jimin stormed in, waiting for no permission from the guards that did not confront him either. He pulled Tae along, both sticking to the wall. The mess was such their entrance went almost unnoticed.

"Silence!" Jeongguk ordered, looking about to start a war right there, "Can someone step forward and give me a proper explanation?!"

"This is a delicate matter that should be discussed by council members only," a man said, indicating Taehyung and Jimin at the corner.

Jeongguk's nostrils flared, his jaw clenched with the growing irritation.

"They stay! Now someone better speak like a damn rational person before I lose my patience."

A soldier stepped forward, his condition pitiful, clothes ragged, a poor excuse of bandage on his thigh. Clearly he had not bathed or slept in a while.

"My lord," he kneeled, grimacing with the pain.

"Speak, Jisung."

"What they say is true, I have traveled here as fast as I could. Yangil died on the way to bring you this news. Li Yei has crossed the border."

Silence was heavy in the hall. A wave crashed against Jeongguk, unbalancing him.

"They made a surprise attack. We responded promptly, but they outnumbered us. Nevertheless we took many of his men."

Jeongguk glared at him with arrows.

"But he walks in my land."

The soldier swallowed dry, looking down.

"Yes. They are underprepared, though."

"What do you mean?"

"I believe Yugyeom has told you we assumed he was gathering forces to fight. Whatever his plan was, he could not conclude it. Our training excels theirs, and their weaponry is weak. Truthfully, it feels like a rushed attack, my lord."

Yoongi snorted in contempt, calling the attention his way.

"It is almost as if they knew it was their best chance before more troops arrived."

Jeongguk raised a brow, peering at him, "What are you saying?"

"Exactly what you think: we have a traitor in our midst."

Notes:

Hello sweeties!
So, again i'm sorry for the long time i take. I have exams through all of november so my schedule is difficult. But my vacation is near so yay!
What did you think of this chapter? Jimin is my president. I love some taekook fluff! Did I fool you with the dream sequence in the beginning? And what are your thoughts on the ending? I love reading your comments, they make me happy uwu.
I'll see you again next week, thank you for reading and for the patience. Hugs ♡

Chapter 24

Taehyung didn't know if it was his imagination, but all eyes seemed to set on him. The air was even thicker, heavy over his head.

"A traitor ?" Someone repeated frightened, kicking off the discussions.

"It seems reasonable."

"No. It cannot be."

"But it is."

"Well, it begs the question..." Kang interrupted, standing up from his seat, "What has changed as of late?"

And that time Taehyung was sure they were peering at him. The whispers were not in any way discreet. The stranger, the newcomer, the outspoken one. Of course they would blame him, he was an easy target. It was a field day for them.

"Is there something you want to say?" He crossed his arms, "Or do you simply like looking at me?"

Kang laughed humorlessly.

"It is interesting that after Jeongguk brought you inside the palace there have been happenings that didn't occur before. An inside attack, which we still haven't discovered the founding behind, and now an invasion of this proportions... It begs the question of wether it is all a coincidence."

The murmurs became an uproar. Tae's nails pierced his own arms. He would not give them more to talk about.

"If you want to accuse me of something then simply do it."

"You are the only stranger to have infiltrated the court as of late."

"I was invited," he corrected.

"Nevertheless, I believe at least an investigation is warranted."

"We cannot take any chances," Seokjin opinated. Tae glared at him. It was too late.

"I agree."

"It is a valid suggestion."

"If the boy is innocent then there is nothing to fear..."

Taehyung's scared eyes looked for Jeongguk, who was already on his feet.

"No one is conducting any investigations before I order it." He ruled, eyeing each of the members sharply. "I trust Taehyung."

"Something must be done," Yoongi muttered.

"And it will. However, the future decisions will be discussed only with a select few, as a preventive measure. Li Yei will meet our troops soon, let them slaughter as much of his army as they can, it will give us time. Meanwhile, do not spread it. I don't want panic."

Taehyung left the room in harsh steps running from the stares that bore into his soul to find out his secrets. His offense was unjustified, he was a traitor after all, he plotted to kill the emperor. He had at least. With every new moment by his side Taehyung's certainties crumbled before him. He had no idea what his purpose was anymore. He had had and wasted many opportunities to kill Jeongguk. If there was someone there who deserved to be beheaded it was him. He betrayed his people, he betrayed Guk. Then why did he find the accusation so hurtful?

He locked himself in his chambers where they could not reach him. The dagger was still hidden in his bedside table, polished, untouched. Every day he strayed further from it. What if Jimin was right? What if he had been wrong about his fate? Could it be there was a different reason for him to have lived? Taehyung picked the blade up, reflected on the gold. He used to be so different, no sorrow behind his gaze, no demons on his back. And yet there was a light somewhere, burning weak, but lit nevertheless. He felt more like himself than ever. If he was not meant to kill Jeongguk, if he admitted that he did not want to kill Jeongguk, what was the point of everything? Even if he couldn't hurt the emperor, Taehyung didn't think he could love him either. Loving a men that had brought him such pain, spending every sunrise together while missing the family he took away, it was too cruel. It was unnatural. Nevertheless he yearned for Jeongguk's presence, his touch, his warmth. Taehyung's very life was a crime. He was stuck in a crossroad and no path seemed right. He dropped the dagger down with a yelp. Blood stained the gold, dripping on his white clothes. Maybe that was his fate.

Strong knocks on the door startled him. Taehyung cleaned the blood quickly, hiding the dagger again.

"Tae," Jeongguk called softly from the outside, "it's me. Please open."

Taehyung wrapped up his ripped hand in a cloth, going to his encounter. Jeongguk walked inside the moment he opened the door.

"Sure, come in," Tae quipped, shutting it with a sly smirk.

"Sorry," he grinned apologetic, "I had to come to you."

"Thank you," Tae said sincerely, leaning against the door, "for standing by me against the council."

"I'm sorry for the way they treated you. They will come around. I will make them."

"I don't care what they think about me," he shrugged.

"What is that?" He frowned, pointing at his stained garment.

"Nothing." Tae hid his hand.

"Are you hurt?" Guk's doe eyes grew wide. He closed the distance between them, checking Taehyung, "Did someone hurt you? I swear-"

"I'm fine," Tae assured, placing his hands over his fast heart, "just an accident. I cut myself."

He showed the improvised bandage to Jeongguk. The emperor undid it to take a look at the minor injure.

"See?" He smiled faintly, "It is nothing."

Jeongguk nodded, running his fingers through his hair.

"My worries are torturing me."

"I know, but you don't need to protect me, Guk," he caressed his cheek with the back of his other hand, "I'm a big boy. There are more important things to be concerned about."

"I know." He looked down. Taehyung's heart clenched with how fragile that powerful man could look sometimes. "I know, I... Sorry, I simply care too much I think."

"I am fine. Believe me."

"I do. And I do believe you are innocent. You would never hurt anyone. But be careful nevertheless. They will be watching you like hawks."

"As long as you know I don't want to hurt you, it's fine."

"I know."

Jeongguk picked his wounded hand, placing a kiss on it. Taehyung's throat became tighter.

"Guk," he called, making him look back at him, "whatever happens I... I am grateful for having met you, the you most people don't get to contemplate. For getting to share something special..."

The fear in his eyes twisted a knife inside Tae.

"Why are you speaking like that?"

"I don't know," he lied, trying to smile it off, "I guess I am a bit uneasy with all that has taken place. It is a lot and so fast. I never imagined this," he looked between the two of them, "was a possibility and I want you to know that I... I do care about you genuinely, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"Nothing bad will happen to any of us," his fingers dug into Tae's hair, caressing him, "I won't let it."

"Somethings are out of control."

"I told you I don't believe in fate, didn't I?"

He joined their foreheads, nose rubbing against Taehyung's.

"Just promise you will believe in me then. In case anything happens."

"Yes. I promise. Everything will be alright, you'll see."

Taehyung passed his arms around Jeongguk's slim waist, enveloping him in an embrace.

"I feel like a storm is coming," he fisted the fabric of his clothes, hiding on his neck.

"We'll face it. We are survivors, Tae."

"I know."

"Is there anything I can do for you? Anything to help?"

Tae shook his head, holding him even closer to his body.

"I'm just a little sensitive, that's all."

"I understand. But we'll be fine."

Jeongguk moved back to gaze at him fondly.

"Come on," he pecked his chewed lips, "show me your beautiful smile."

Taehyung's mouth fell into a natural sheepish grin. He could get used to that. It could be a lovely life, if it was only him and Jeongguk.

"There you go. I must go now, but I'll come get you tonight for practice. It is more important than ever."

"I shall be waiting then."

Jeongguk left him to his thoughts, with a last kiss on his cheek that colored it red. Tae caressed the cherished spot, warmth radiating from it. They would be fine. He had to believe too.

Tired of hiding in his room and letting fear wear him out, Tae decided to take a walk on the city. He needed the distraction only Jinse's crowded streets and their mixtures of scents, voices and faces could provide.

"Taehyung."

The familiar voice made him halt in the hallway. He blinked, turning his head slightly back to confirm what he knew already. He ignored the call, starting moving again. Hoseok didn't give up, though. Tae could hear his rushed steps, before he materialized next to him.

“We have to talk."

Tae scoffed.

"I thought you were not supposed to talk to me."

"Please," he insisted, gripping Tae's arm to stop him. Taehyung stepped away from his hold.

"What do you want now?"

"Let's not fight. I just need you to tell me something... There are whispers about a threat going around."

He could not possibly know. The council was just informed, how had it already gotten to the servants' ears?

"What whispers?"

"That someone defies Jeongguk and a war is coming." He studied Taehyung, whose blood had gone cold. "Is it true?"

Tae did his best effort to remain unfazed.

"Everything is fine, as far as I know."

"Has it really become so easy for you to lie to me?"

"I am not lying," he said through his teeth, annoyed by the questionnaire, "and even if I was, I thought you and Dawon had made clear you don't trust me anymore."

"Dawon..." he sighed, "She is in a lot of pain."

"We all are."

"It is not the same. She still has nightmares about being beat up by that awful man."

"And I am sorry for that, truly, but in case you have forgotten I tried to help."

"You did and this is why I came to you now." Hoseok leaned closer, "Despite our disagreements we are still blood Taehyung, we come from the same people."

"Only when it interests you, is it?"

"Tae, please. I am sorry if I let my sister speak to you that way. I'm sorry if didn't give you the benefit of the doubt, but I ask you to understand how complicated our situation is. We are not living the same life as you are."

They had no idea what complicated meant. Everything was always about their wills, their wishes, no one would understand the civil war Taehyung was going through.

"What do you want, hyung?"

"To know if we should leave this place. I want to protect my sister... We have been through enough already, the last thing Dawon needs is to face another war."

"Have you talked about this to her?" Tae raised a brow, "She seems quite adamant about doing what she wants."

"She will come around. She needs peace to recover, to mend her heart. As do I. Please help us now."

Tae clenched his jaw, looking away.

"Nothing will happen, Guk won't let it."

"Guk?" Hoseok repeated with a grimace, "Are you two that close now?"

Taehyung sighed, rubbing his temples, "do you want help or not?"

"Sorry, I won't ask anymore."

"I have my reasons, just trust me will you?"

"I do hope you have some reasoning behind it. And that the gods still rule your decisions."

"Your concern is touching."

"I mean it, Tae." Hoseok placed his warm hand over his arm. "I care about you, you know it. I don't want to see you get hurt for trusting the wrong people."

"I won't. Jeongguk would never hurt me."

"He is not one of us. And you are not one of them, either, this will never change."

"Things are different here," he argued confidently, despising the pity with which Hoseok looked at him.

"Some things do not change. I know Dawon had no right to treat you the way she did, but she does have a point. If it comes a time to choose, it will be your head rolling down the stairs."

"I know what I'm doing. I'm not a child. And you are not my family."

Hoseok nodded and reatreated his hand back to his side, sensing Tae's hostility.

"True, but I owe your brother a lot. You know what Namjoon meant to me, I'm just trying to do what he would want."

"You don't know what he would want."

"For you to be safe, that is for sure, and you are not safe here, Tae," he wet his lips, "If we leave you should come with us."

"I won't," he replied, not caring what they would think about him anymore, "But I do wish you luck, in whatever you decide to do."

"How long have we known each other, Tae? And you are willing to throw it away?"

"I am not throwing anything away. It were you and your sister that decided to cut me off."

"Tae?" Jimin called from the end of the hallway, making the two look, "Is everything alright?"

"Yes."

"Think about what I said." Hoseok murmured before the other reached them.

He bowed politely to Jimin and left after having filled Taehyung with more doubts.

"Who was that?" Jimin asked.

"Just a ghost from the past."

"Someone from your city?"

"Someone I thought I knew."

There was legend that when Jisao, the origin, molded humans from the four elements, he gave them three faces, three layers protecting their heart. The first, the one they presented the world. The second, the one they presented their family, who they recognized as themselves. The third, the most resistant, forged in fire, the one not even they knew. One of the priests had told him, a long time ago, that tragedies had the power to reveal a person's most intimate layer, breaking them down to their rawest selves. They had lost more than they realized the night of the invasion. But if Taehyung was not what he thought, then who was he?

Notes:

Hello! Thank you for reading loves! I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. I've been dealing with some stuff but I'm good, I'm alive and I'll keep on writing this story that I love so much.

So what did you think of this chapter? My beta reader said Hoseok is a snake but I understand where he's coming from. At the same time I understand Taehyung. What is your opinion and your bets for what's coming? My schedule is better because most of my exams are over so I will update more. Again I'm sorry for taking so long. Love ya, see you next chapter uwu ♡

Chapter 25

"Come on!" Jeongguk growled, sword clashing against Taehyung's, "Faster, Tae!"

"I am as fast as I can!" He complained, rolling away from one of his attacks, "This thing is heavy!"

"You can do better than this, I know it."

No, he couldn't. Taehyung had no idea where Jeongguk's mind was when he decided to push the training with real swords. He had no idea what he himself was thinking when he had asked for it. Silly Tae thought he was becoming a warrior, but in a real battle he would go down in the blink of an eye, crushed like a pathetic insect.

"Don't leave your sides unprotected," Guk warned, blade going dangerously close to Tae's waist. Was it an enemy he would be bleeding on the ground.

Since the ominous news of Li Yei's attack and the traitor controversy Jeongguk had been taking him over the limit, insisting on practicing almost every day and Tae was starting to crumble.

"Stop," the emperor sighed, dropping his sword.

Tae let himself fall on the ground too, breathing with difficulty. His head pended back in defeat.

"I'm sorry."

"No, you don't need to apologize."

"I will do better."

He sat next to him, arms resting over his knees.

"Tae, what is bothering you? I can tell something is on your mind, you are not fully here."

"I am-" scared for his life, of his feelings, paranoid, guilty, conflicted, "I simply have a lot of concerns, you know it."

"I do."

"And I cannot sleep properly and I am exhausted, Guk, from your intensive training."

Jeongguk nodded, thinning his lips.

"I know, I'm sorry for demanding too much from you, but... Well, I'm concerned too," he confessed, twisting his fingers. They were covered in bandages, the skin ripping from the excessive work. "If I have to leave for battle I need to know you will be safe here, that you can protect yourself."

Taehyung smiled sadly at him.

"I understand and, believe me, I want to be stronger too, this is why I have been enduring it, but I don't think it is working the way we want to."

"You are improving."

"Maybe, but not at the pace I need to. I cannot breathe or even move properly anymore, everything hurts."

"I am sorry, Tae, truly." He placed his hand over Taehyung's. "I exaggerated, but I will stop demanding so much from you."

"It's fine," he reassured, seeing the sorrow in Jeongguk's expression, "just give me a moment to catch my breath and we can resume."

"No, Tae," he shook his head, "It's enough. You need more rest to fully recover."

"But-"

"When you feel better we can practice again. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt."

That was not something he would argue on. All he craved was a bed and a night of heavy sleep.

"Alright, I do need the rest."

"Where does it ache?" He asked, tilting his head to study Tae's limp body.

"My shoulders," he sighed, squeezing the sore area.

"Let me see..." Tae gulped as Jeongguk crawled behind him, knees closing in around his sides. "May I?"

Taehyung only nodded. Chills went through his body as Jeongguk grazed his skin. He carefully pressed his fingers over the throbbing spot, the pain becoming secondary to the sensations his touch provoked. There was twitch inside Taehyung, something clawing to be let out. Jeongguk's lips were near his ticklish neck as he bent him forward, breath making him squirm.

"Here?" He said with a low voice by his ear. Taehyung shut his eyes, gripping his garment.

"Yes."

A gush of pleasure invaded him as Guk massaged the area, turning him loose beneath his hands.

"Is it good?" He murmured, receiving a satisfied hum in agreement.

Fingers trailed the path of his shoulder blades, sneaking cautiously under the straps of his clothes, Taehyung's pulse fastening. Even though he was still he only seemed to struggle more to breath.

"You are so tense," Guk commented, rubbing his thumb near Tae's spine.

"Where did you learn to make massages?"

"In the battlefield, of course"

He leaned closer, using one hand to delicately stretch Tae's head to the side as the other manipulated his muscles ably like an instrument. Jeongguk was entranced at the sight of Taehyung's glistening honey neck, an urge to kiss it raging inside him. Tae gasped when his nose touched the sensitive spot, followed by his lips against his pumping veins. Bubbles burst.

"Did you learn this there too?" He teased. Guk let out a light chuckle.

"This I only do for you."

His hands slipped down, leaving Tae, who turned his head back to gaze at him. His hair was wet, sweat dripping from it, running down his flushed cheeks. There was a special glim in his constellation eyes. Did he dedicate that look only to him as well?

"What is on your mind?"

Tae shook his head with a faint grin, moving away from his lure.

"We should practice a little more, make the most of the night since you will give me a break after."

"Are you sure?" He raised his brows, "We have done enough. You should go to sleep."

"I can still do a little more. This is important after all."

Taehyung could not really tell him the reason he could not go to sleep was his hot blood rushing like a flooded river. The intimate moment seemed to distract the charmed Jeongguk and gave Taehyung his first advantage. He wilded his blade fiercely, putting all his frustration and confusion into blows as erratic as his heart. He wanted to exorcise his body of the irrational feelings that consumed him every time Jeongguk breathed his air. And maybe Guk was tired too, or maybe Taehyung was driven by a savage force he himself was unaware of, but somehow, for a miraculous second, he was stronger. Strong enough to disarm him, to corner the man that walked like gods. But not strong enough to contain himself.

Taehyung trapped him against the wall, the blade by his neck. Jeongguk stared into the flames of his eyes, adrenaline and desire burning on his. Tae peered at every detail of his features, deterring over his inviting mouth that offered things he could not have - that he should not have. He moved the blade slightly, letting it roam over his lips. Jeongguk's harsh breaths fogged the iron. He felt his heartbeat run through both of them. 

"Tae..." Jeongguk whined.

He pushed his hips forward to press against his. The movement scared Tae who moved the blade quickly in unthought reaction. Blood flowed out of Jeongguk's lower lip, the red liquid mixing with the sweat. Taehyung didn't know what possessed him to lean closer. All he knew was the next second he had licked Jeongguk's lips, wiping the blood away with his tongue. It was over. He dropped the blade, smashing his mouth against to emperor's replacing the salty metallic taste with him. Jeongguk responded just as hungrily, gripping his sides so strongly Tae knew his fingers would leave a mark there. He had been craving that touch, both of them had, and it only seemed to heighten every minimal sensation. Jeongguk threw him against the wall, the rough surface irritating Taehyung's skin, but he was too intoxicated to care as he was pressed harder and harder against it. The emperor grabbed his wrist and pinned his hands above his head, trapping him vulnerable underneath him. It was closer to an attack then a romance. Tae twisted his limbs free and pushed him back against the wall to regain control. Both were panting, chests moving in the same fast rhythm.

"Why do you love like you fight?" He questioned, fingertips brushing his fringe away.

Guk's smirk faded.

"I... It is the only thing I know." He gulped, loosening his hold on Tae's waist ashamed. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? Was I too eager?"

Taehyung studied him, trying to make sense of what was happening between them. It did not matter how much effort they put into exorcising it, the past kept haunting the two, not letting their flower bloom

"I'm alright." Tae assured him, playing with the collar of his clothes. "I was just surprised. Everything is still very new to me."

Jeongguk caressed him softly.

"Everything is new to me as well. I have never had anything this special. No one has ever been as precious to me as you, Taehyung. And I'm still learning. I will try to be better. To be more careful and... And gentle like you."

Taehyung found it endearing, albeit sad, how afraid he was to have scared him away. He kissed his cheek and took a step back, separating their bodies.

"Don't worry about it. I... Guk, I cannot do this."

"Don't you want it?" He pouted sheepish.

"You know the reason why." He lowered his head uncomfortable. "I took a vow, please understand."

Guk sighed, wetting his lips.

"I respect it, and I respect your choice, but I can't understand why you would be so cruel to yourself. Isn't it too much to give up your body and soul? This is not a vow, Taehyung, it is a cage."

"It is who I am. If you want me you should accept it."

"I do and I have been doing everything to not go over your limits..."

"And I appreciate it."

"...But you want me. I feel it. I taste it in your kiss.... Am I wrong?"

Tae huffed, folding his tired arms.

"Guk, this is not the point."

"I know, but don't think it's fair for you to prive yourself from the things you want because of orders given by others. You told me yourself going into priesthood was your father's choice not yours."

"It doesn't matter how it started, I was the one to make the promise. There are lines that simply should not be crossed. Goodnight, Jeongguk."

Taehyung left him behind, avoiding his feelings. He had been corrupted and broken, he was weak. If he was still at home one of the elderlies would punish him promptly. It wasn't anything new to him. Discipline was much more training than trait. Jeongguk did have a point, that had not been his original choice. But it was his fate. He was growing to hate that word. The fact was he had accepted that destiny, he made the vow, and there was no changing the past. And if Jeongguk was his future... If Jeongguk was his future Taehyung would give himself away to him and he would forever be a traitor to his religion, his people, his culture. Even though the possibility deeply scared him, he knew it was a matter of time until a choice would have to be made.

He was too heated to fall asleep, not even a cold bath able to help. His body begged for a release he could not provide. It hurt and the more he ignored it, the worse it would get. There was no escape, even his restless dreams were dominated by Jeongguk and his lips, his hands, his body, hot breaths hitting his skin. The fears that came along with it.

"Taehyung!" Someone called in another world. There was a loud banging, drumming on his head, " Taehyung, open the damn door!"

Tae was forced out of his sleep, rubbing his heavy eyes. There was someone knocking on the door furiously, as strong as his own heartbeat. The sun had not risen outside yet. What was happening?

"Taehyung!"

He jumped on his feet, rushing to the door. Hoseok was on the other side disheveled. Tears stormed his eyes, streaming down his red cheeks.

"Hyung?" Tae muttered in confusion. He had never seen Hoseok in such state. Never, he was a master at keeping a brave face, of soothing others' sorrows. He cupped his face, "What are you doing here.. what happened? "

"Please, Tae, " he sobbed clinging to him like a child, "please you have to help."

"What is happening?" Tae asked again, his anxiety growing with every cry that escaped Hoseok's lips. "Help with what?"

"I-it's Dawon..." he choked out, "I tried to stop her, I really did..."

Taehyung's breaths were cut short.

"Hoseok, tell me what is the matter."

"S-she... She made a mistake... She hurt a guard and-"

"Hurt a guard?!" He screeched, covering his mouth immediately. He checked the corridor, cursing himself for not being more cautious. Thankfully no one was near, not yet at least. Taehyung pulled him inside the bedroom locking the door. "Has she gone completely mad?" 

"I don't know..." Hoseok whispered, dropping to the floor limp, "I don't know what is happening with her anymore. I thought I had gotten through to her, that she was healing, but I failed."

His fingers pulled at his own hair in desolation. Tae kneeled by his side, Hoseok's despair starting to affect him as well. He brought his hands down.

"Calm yourself and talk to me," he pleaded, trying to steady his own voice, "where is she now?"

"I was too late. T-They took her, Tae... They will k-k-," he broke into hopeless sobs. Taehyung's heart sank to his stomach. No words seemed to go past the knot in his throat. All he could do was bring him to his chest, let him voice out his angst in the form of a pained wail. "You know what they do to criminals, you saw it! You cant l-let them! Please, Tae, you can't!"

Taehyung pursed his lips as he tried to conjure anything to say, his clothes soaked in the other's tears.

"Hyung, I am not sure I can-"

"No," he shook his head in denial, "no, you have to do something, please!"

"Hyung..." he said more stern, "Listen, I don't want to lie to you. This is grave, do you understand the dimension of this? What was Dawon thinking?"

"I told her we- we were going to leave, that... That we had to go... We have been fighting about it lately, but I thought I was getting through to her... I did everything wrong..."

He choked on the hiccups. Tae's palm caressed his back. He wasn't used to consoling others. It was always him undoing in tears, being cared for, being the youngest, the emotional one. Yet there was Hoseok, the closest thing he had to an older brother at the time, crying in his arms and begging for his aid. He had to do something.

"Hyung, you need to tell me exactly what happened, please."

Seok nodded, wet eyes focusing on Tae again. He breathed with difficult, trying to maintain a cohesive line of thought.

"I caught her leaving her bed, she- she said she was just going to the kitchen to get water... She has been having many nightmares lately - I mentioned it to you, remember? - it's normal for her to wake through the night, I didn't think much of it. I-I was dumb, I was so dumb, damn it!"

"It's not your fault," he reassured, "you could not have known."

"She... She took one of the knifes... I think she went after Jeongguk."

Tae's hands dropped from him, going cold.

"What? How do you know?"

"Why else would she do this? When she started taking too long something told me to check on her. And she was gone. I just knew, Tae, I knew something was wrong."

Taehyung gripped his shoulder, forcing Hoseok to look at his urgent eyes.

"Did she hurt Jeongguk? Did she get to him?"

Hoseok scoffed.

"You are worried about him?"

"Answer me, Hoseok."

"No," he spit bitterly, "a guard caught her before she could."

Tae nodded, letting out a relieved breath.

"And she attacked him?"

"She was afraid!" He defended, hugging his knees, "And desperate, you know it, we all are."

"How is he? Did you see the aftermath?"

"Another soldier got to them before me. From what I could see he was still alive. Which is more than I can say for her now."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yes, hyung, good. If he had died the problem would be even worse. For the love of the gods, what was she thinking?!"

"I don't know! She has been quite sensitive, she tells me our family comes to talk to her in her nightmares and they cry and beg for revenge... She wakes up crying every night, I didn't know what to do anymore."

"You should have come to me," Tae reprehended, frustration taking control of his words, "you should have explained the situation and let me help, instead of pushing me away. We were supposed to be allies, how many times have I told you this?"

"Dawon... We didn't think you sided with us anymore."

"Yet here you are now." He clenched his teeth, attempting to calm himself. He couldn't let pettiness poison him. There were more concerning matters at the moment than their fight. "Dawon has lost all notion of reality. She cannot have possibly believed she would kill Jeongguk like this."

"Please, help her, Tae. You know her, you know Dawon never hurt anyone in her life."

"She hurt someone now."

"She is confused! And scared and in pain!"

And Taehyung had no right to judge. She did what he had sworn to do. Had Jeongguk not reached his hand out for him, had he not laid new paths for him to trail, what would he be now? What state would he be left in? There was no way of knowing, maybe he would be the one clinging to delusional hopes and desperate measures. And she was still his friend. Turning his back on her was not an option.

"Hyung, I will be honest, I want to help, but I don't know how much I can do for her. Dawon committed a crime."

"I know, but please try. Please, I beg you. Jeongguk listens to you. Talk to him. I-I can't lose her. Not my sister too. You- Tae, you went through this, you know the pain that is to lose a sibling."

Tae bottled more tears inside of him, shunning away the persistent memories of the attack that took Namjoon away. He held Hoseok's icy hands.

"I promise you I will do everything I can to save her life."

Those words seem to play a calming effect on the other man as his breaths slowed down a little closer to a normal rhythm. It was astounding how much influence he believe Taehyung to have over Jeongguk when Tae himself had no idea how to approach the matter.

"Thank you. I truly appreciate it. Thank you so much, Taehyung," he bowed deeply, drying his tears with the back of his hand, "I have no words to express how sorry I am for the way me and my sister have treated you as of late."

Tae contained a scoff, aware it was not the time for immaturity. He walked Hoseok back to the kitchen, taking the shortcuts Jeongguk had shown him to avoid the night guards who he imagined were furious. He would be too late. When morning came the emperor would have already heard about the issue. He would have been surrounded by people who were eager to condemn Dawon, he would have his verdict almost decided. Tae decided to take his chances and try to speak to him first.

The closer he got to the royal chambers the clearer the distress became. Murmurs echoed in the halls, mixed with the pacing of concerned soldiers who awaited for their new commands.

"May I help you?" Someone grabbed his arm, pulling Tae out of the shadows. The flames partly shaded the man's scarred face as he evaluated his prey up and down.

"No, thank you," Tae tried to keep his voice as peaceful as he could, "I was justing heading back to my chambers."

"What are you doing outside at this hour?"

"I could not sleep."

"Let him go," someone else said. Taehyung relaxed recognizing Park Bogum.

"Don't you think it's suspicious for him to be walking around the palace now? Especially this night," the strange one inquired.

"This is Kim Taehyung," those four words were enough for the man to release his hold, "you can question him if you want, I doubt Jeongguk will let it slide though."

The aggressive attitude gave place to respect, almost fear, as he bowed.

"I'm sorry, I was not aware of who you were. I had been away for a while, I apologize, Taehyung-ssi."

"It's fine." He rubbed his freed arm, uncomfortable by the sudden change of demeanor of the other. Bogum waved his arm, calling to him.

"I will scort you back to your room, Taehyung."

"I need to talk to Jeongguk first."

"The emperor is busy now. Tomorrow you can see him."

Something in his expression told Tae not to insist. His plan of being early had failed. He walked with Bogum, distancing himself from the rumble that surrounded Guk.

"What was that?" He questioned once they were out of hearing range from the other.

"What?"

"The change in the soldier's behavior at the mere mention of my name as if I am some royalty."

Bogum laughed lightly.

"You have gathered a certain reputation among the soldiers as Jeongguk's favorite."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means they are afraid upsetting you will mean for them what it meant for Jaechan."

Tae frowned, trying to think back to who that was, but not finding any recollection.

"I don't know any Jaechans."

"It is said that Jeongguk met you after Jaechan tried to take you as slave and assaulted you."

He flinched at that memory, for a moment still able to feel the man's kicks on his ribs.

"So that is the monster's name. Well, what happened to him? I never heard anything again."

"The emperor stripped him and his wife of their possessions in Jinse, relocated him to a distant village to be part of the border patrols. I reckon you are not quite fond of it yet, but Jinse is by far the best place in the land to live in. No one wants to be banished."

"I did not know about this. But if you ask me it was well deserved."

"And this is why they fear you."

Even that small taste of power was addicting. Nevertheless Taehyung was not pleased to hear it. People were noticing Jeongguk's affection for him and that was the last thing they needed. They were in enough danger as it was.

"It's here," Tae pointed to his door when they entered the hall.

"I advise you to be more careful. Madness seems to have installed ever since the word traitor was pronounced."

Tae swallowed dry.

"Thank you, I shall keep it in mind."

He threw himself on the bed even if he knew any chances of having a good night of sleep were gone. Once again the burden had been placed over him. Perhaps it was his punishment. Dawon's fate rested on his hands. He could not let Hoseok lose his siter. It was a sorrow he would not wish upon his worst enemy. Every day Taehyung missed Namjoon, he would have given up all he had for a chance to save him. And, arguments and disagreements aside, Dawon was his friend, Tae could not let them kill her. He was responsible. It did not matter who executed it, the moment Hoseok knocked on his door to give him yet another mission he didn't know if he could fulfill, it became his problem. If he failed she would die and Taehyung would have yet another reason to kill Jeongguk. If Guk did as he asked and spared her he would have even more reason to love him. No matter the outcome he would still blame himself. If there was anything Taehyung learned was that he could not win. Didn't mean his stubborn self would be kept from fighting, no matter how heavy the sword might be.

As soon as the sun was visible in the sky, Taehyung marched to Jeongguk's chambers. Guards still surrounded the length of the corridors of his room like statues, peering at him as he walked to the door.

"Let me through," he demanded to the only ones that stood between him and the emperor.

"There is a crisis in place," one of them said, "please go back to your chambers."

"I will talk to the emperor first."

"The emperor is busy, orders are that he must not be interrupted."

"I shall wait then." Taehyung sat on the floor before their puzzled faces, getting a few chuckles from the others around.

"Go back to your chambers, Taehyung-ssi, please."

"You cannot make me. I live in the palace and as far as I am concerned the corridors are to be used by all its occupants. I will wait."

He seemed to want to argue, but gave up before anything could be articulated, perhaps knowing it would not change his mind. Tae didn't have to wait for long. Soon the doors flung open. Jeongguk's brows went up seeing the other on the floor in front of him. Taehyung jumped up, straightening his clothes.

"I need to talk to you."

"I have urgent matters to solve."

"I understand, but it will not take long. Please."

"He is busy now, Taehyung, what part didn't you hear?" Yoongi questioned annoyed. Dark circles around his eyes contrasted with his pale skin.

"I am not speaking to you." He glared at him, but quickly moved his his gaze back to Guk who looked just as exhausted, "Please, Jeongguk."

"Fine," he said, scratching his head, hair messier than usual, "I'll spare you a moment. Make sure to be quick."

"Thank you."

Yoongi looked at him censuring, however his warnings were ignored. Guk dismissed the commission that had been talking to him, letting the door hang open for Taehyung.

Tae gulped, walking inside his vast room, observing it more closely than the last time he had been there. There was nothing distinctive about it, almost no personal items or decoration. One could even doubt it belonged to him at all.

"If this is about last night," he started, calling Tae's attention back to him, "we can pretend it never happened."

"What?" He blinked confused. With the storm that was happening their previous meeting had been overshadowed. He shook his head, a foolish shyness making him look down as he recalled the kisses from the night before. "No, it's not about that."

"No?" He was relieved for a moment, before becoming serious again, "Well, what is it then?"

Tae gulped, twisting his fingers.

"I know about what happened," he confessed, heart thumping against his chest, "the reason your soldiers were here. About the girl who attacked a guard."

Jeongguk crossed his arm, brows tugged together.

"How do you know?"

"Because I know her. You do too. And her brother came to me desperate for help to save her life."

Tae watched tense as realization struck Guk.

"Seokjin's slave? Dawon?"

"Yes."

"Taehyung..." his shoulders went down in defeat, predicting what was coming next, "I know what you will ask..."

Tae bit his lips, eyes pleading at him.

"Will you do it?"

"This girl hurt a soldier," he sighed, "one of my own... I cannot let it go unpunished."

"I am not asking you to." Tae raised his hands, seeing him thin his lips, "All I ask is that you let her live."

"The law is clear."

"Do we need to have this discussion again?" He frowned, sure the trouble he saw on Jeongguk's face was reflected on his. "The soldier is alive. No irreversible damage was done, let it stay this way. Give her a proper, fair trial, listen to what she has to say and decide her punishment based in justice not revenge. That is my only request."

"And if her sentence is death?"

Jeongguk sustained his stare. Tae chewed his lips.

"The final word is yours."

"Tae-"

"Do the right thing, Guk," he insisted, "Dawon is in pain, as I have been and so have you. She would not be here if it wasn't for you invading our city in the first place. There are two sides to every story, you told me that, she deserves a chance."

"I agree with you, you know I do," he cupped Tae's cheeks, "but you also know everything that is at stake here, we have a war knocking on our doors, I need to show security to the people."

"Nothing is more secure than a king who is not afraid to make his own decisions, doesn't matter who it angers. It makes you stronger, Guk, not otherwise. Your men took my brother, we cannot let them take Hoseok's sister."

"You always ask too much of me."

"I am asking because I believe in your sense of justice and what is right, or else I wouldn't at all. She does not deserve to die for this. We both know it. Please, Jeongguk, please, don't let them kill her."

Notes:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope you guys had great holidays, and that you have an even better 2019! Ala Run BTS I decided to start the year with an update! Hope you enjoy it. I would like to thank all of you who have followed this journey in 2018 and hope you will continue with me this year as well. I have started posting my stories very recently and the whole experience has been amazing, thank you for all the comments and kudos and bookmarks. I truly appreciate it and you made my 2018 better. Come say hello in the comments and tell me what you thought of this chapter please. See you soon 💖

Chapter 26

"Alright," he said after what felt like an eternity. Tae let out a relieved breath. "I will give her a trial, but-"

"But?" He raised his brows.

"But, I cannot promise you anything about her destiny beyond that, Taehyung. I need to think on it."

"Jeongguk."

"Please, understand my side. I will access the facts on my own and reflect upon it. This is the best I can promise you."

Tae nodded, not wanting to fight him. It was good. It was a hope. And despite his concerns he trusted Guk.

"I understand. Thank you for listening to me."

"I will always listen to you," he said in a hush, almost inaudible. Tae looked up at him, but he had turned away, "I need to go now, Tae, the council awaits for me to explain this new problem."

"I know you, Jeongguk. Don't let them blind you. Do what you know it's right."

"Tae, please."

"I'll go," he raised his arms in a peace sign, "but I am counting on you."

"This is not fair."

"None of this is." He placed his hand over the door handle, not moving though. He wanted to do more than waiting. There was nothing Tae hated more than having his hands tied. He glanced back at Jeongguk. "Can I ask you one more thing?"

"What is it?"

"Can me and her brother go see her?"

The emperor seemed surprise, and relieved, by the simplicity of the request. He nodded.

"Of course. I'll arrange for someone to take you later today."

"Thank you, Guk."

"And, Tae..." he swallowed dry, averting his gaze when Taehyung stared, "You know how deep my feelings for you run. But now I need to be rational. Until this is over, it's best if we stay apart."

Tae thinned his lips, nodding. He should not be as upset about it as he was.

"I understand. Thank you again."

Jeongguk walked up to him to make a last drawn out study of him from close. Tae's eyes avoided his childishly. His feelings were tangled, not leading to any conclusions. Guk raised his hand meaning to touch his cheek, however he let it drop down again. Taehyung wished he didn't.

"I need to go, the council is waiting for me," he said more to himself than Taehyung, fingers running through his hair in a failed attempt to make himself more presentable.

"You look fine, Guk. You have nothing to prove to them."

Jeongguk blinked at him, but Tae didn't say anything more. Yoongi awaited by the hallway with some other soldiers who whispered to each other. They immediately shushed when Tae walked out. He wondered what they had been discussing. He did not care if they wanted to say bad things about him. It would not be the first time. He would prefer it than the other option. Guk did not need any more pressure. Maybe it was better for them to stay apart after all.

Hoseok stirred a pan of soup with a distant gaze when he got to the kitchen. The first thing Tae noticed was how pale he was, his usual glow completely gone.

"Hyung?" He asked hesitant. Hoseok blinked, eyes darting to his with curiosity. "Can we talk?"

He let go of the mindless task. The other servants and slaves directed them an annoyed glare as Hoseok followed him away from their prying eyes.

"I cannot stay long," he warned, arms crossed protectively over his chest, "or else the other will nag later."

"How are you?"

"How do you think?" He wiped the sweat from over his brow, "I got maybe an hour of sleep due to exhaustion. And even then all I could think of was Dawon."

"Please, you need to rest. The best thing you can do for your sister is to be wise and strong."

"I am trying, but fear is getting the best of me."

"I understand. More than anyone, I understand, but there is still hope," Tae made an effort to better his own complexion, showing a small smile, "Jeongguk agreed to give her a fair trial and only then decide her punishment."

"But... He is still thinking of killing her?"

"The fact that he is thinking about it at all is better than it could be," he insisted.

"And you believe him? You believe he will give her a genuine chance?"

"I do," he nodded, taking Hoseok's hands, "I truly do, or else I wouldn't have wasted my time. And there's more, he allowed us to visit her."

"Really?" His lips curled into a smile, closer to what he looked like in Taehyung's memories. "When can we go?"

"Later today. He said someone will take us."

Seok squeezed his hands, breathing a little better. That was enough for Taehyung at the moment. Dawon was still alive, the fight was not over.

"Thank you, Tae."

Taehyung let him go back to work, wishing he could have something to occupy his mind with as well. He could paint he knew, but painting would remind him of Namjoon and that was the last thing he needed that day. Hoseok's pain, Dawon's sacrifice, it was affecting him deeply. The memory of his lost brother began to ache like an old battle wound. He was aware it would never stop, yet it had not hurt that much in a long time. Taehyung hated to have that knife twisted on him again, he hated himself even more for letting it stop paining and most of all he hated that Jeongguk made him feel better. The irony was revolting, almost too cruel and senseless to be a fate. What had Jeongguk said? That the universe was chaos. He was closer to start believing it.

Park Bogum was the one who came to take them to the dungeons. Tae found it funny, to not say strange, that he was the one Guk chose. But he was glad it was not Yoongi. He had enough thorns prickling him already, no need to add his disdain and snark to it.

"How was the meeting?" He questioned as they accompanied the soldier. Bogum licked his lips, glancing at Tae who had rushed to walk by his side.

"I should not tell you."

"But you will," he grinned, batting his eyelashes at him. It was amusing seeing him break, pursing his lips divided.

"Why don't you ask the emperor?"

Tae stopped him, placing a hand over his naked arm. Bogum's eyes darted from the unexpected touch to his incisive expression.

"I am asking you, Bogum. Please."

He sighed, checking the surroundings before he moved closer to speak in a lower tone.

"The trial will be conducted in three days, restricted to council members."

"And what is the general mood?" Tae inquired, not letting go yet. He didn't like the way Bogum's mouth twitched. "Tell me, please."

"Some are less radical than others, but most want blood."

Tae scoffed. He should not be surprised, yet he still had a small, stupid, hope that things could be different. He heard Hoseok curse behind him.

"Of course they do."

"How is the soldier?"

"Recovering."

"Then what is the need for the demanding her death?" Hoseok insisted exasperated.

"Showing power, what else?" Tae said with contempt. He was sick of their games.

"There's more," Bogum warned grave, "Seokjin wants to question Jung Hoseok at the trial as well."

"What?" Tae furrowed his brows, dissecating the other's sorry expression, "Why?"

"Being related to the criminal and the closest one to her raises suspicions. Seokjin says it's a safety measure."

"I have done nothing," Seok protested, his breaths getting cut short.

"I know, but the majority agrees with him. You will have to speak. This was supposed to be unannounced as to not give you time to prepare, but I don't think it's fair. You are not the one on trial."

Maybe that was why Jeongguk chose him, he knew Bogum would spill at Taehyung's request.

"Fine," Tae said, reorganizing his thoughts, "if they want to waste time, then fine. They will achieve nothing with this. Hoseok hyung has nothing to hide."

The elder did not answer. Bogum led them through dark corridors, where no light beyond their torches seemed to touch. Tae felt it creep inside his lungs, suffocate him. It was irrational, he had gone through passages smaller than that with Jeongguk. Yet the walls seemed to close around him, ready to trap him as well.

At the end of a staircase they glimpsed other signs of life. Two ghostly soldiers sat by the entrance of a corridor of cells, the torches on the wall casting shadows over their faced. Bogum greeted them, his hand rested over his sword, maybe unconsciously. It seemed the place irked him as well.

"Can we please have some privacy?" Taehyung required before they took another step. "Please, this is a very delicate moment. We won't take long."

"I understand," Bogum said to his surprise, "I will wait for you here. Remember you have limited time."

As soon as he closed his mouth, Hoseok dashed in a frenetic search. Taehyung's back tingled as he followed his steps into the hallway. His stomach churned with the stench of sweat, mold and pee.

"Noona!" Hoseok yelped, holding on to the rusty bars of a cage as if he could break them apart.

Dawon snapped her head up, a little bit of the pain seeming to be eased upon seeing him.

"Hobi," she exhaled surprised, walking into the light, "what are you doing here? This is no place for you."

"Neither for you, noona. I came to visit."

"What is he doing here?" She grimaced at Taehyung who remained quiet a few steps away from the two.

"Stop it," Hoseok chided, "Taehyung has been doing everything he can to help you. He was the one to get us permission to come here and he even convinced Jeongguk to give you a trial."

"I wonder how he did that," she muttered, the despise in her voice tangible.

"A simple 'thank you' would be enough," Tae retorted, folding his arms.

Dawon huffed, letting her head pend to the side to get a better view of him.

"Thank you for your help, Taehyung, but whatever you think you have achieved is useless. I was dead the moment they caught me."

"Not true," he argued, moving closer, "Jeongguk said he will hear you, reflect on it and give you a fair punishment."

"A punishment he judges fair. But of course you are too blind to see that he is simply stalling before killing me."

"Please," Hoseok sighed, looking from one frown to the other, "it is not the time nor place for such arguments. We came with good news! To let you know there is hope, noona."

She shook her head at him.

"Don't tell me you believe this too, Seokie."

"I do. I really do. Tae got Jeongguk to save you from that monster once, why couldn't he get him to spare your life?"

"The circumstances are different."

"I have hope," he put his hand over her dirty fingers in the the void space between the bars, "you should too."

Dawon opened her mouth to argue, but something held her back. She nodded at last.

"I will, for you."

"You need to think of what to say on the trial," Tae warned, "they will want to know every thought you had that night."

"Why did you do it?" Hoseok whispered with a sulk, "Why did you put yourself in this much danger? Have you got any idea of how worried I am?"

"You know why. You would have done the same if you saw what I see. They come to me everynight, Hoseok, screaming, crying, begging to be heard, because someone else is covering his ears." Tae shrunk when she glared at him. "They need help."

"This is madness," Taehyung said, telling himself to not allow her venom to penetrate him, "you could not have been so reckless. There are too many risks."

"I am desperate. I don't expect you to understand."

"You are not the only one in pain, Dawon," he reminded coldly. He was tired of being treated as an asset, of having his feelings ignored and judged, of feeling trapped. "Or the only one with nightmares. What you did was incredibly stupid and now not only you, but also Hoseok, have to pay for it."

"This has nothing to do with Hoseok," she fended.

"Of course it does!" Tae whisper shouted, "He is your brother! Did you think about him at all? Did you think about how difficult it would be for him to lose you too? To be left alone to face a strange new world without the one he trusts most? To deal with his own pain?"

Before Taehyung noticed, tears were streaming down his face. He turned back on his heels to dry them with his knuckles quickly. His palms pressed at his eyeballs, as he took deep breaths.

"I was doing what I must," she retorted, "there are things greater than our lives. Your brother knew it, Taehyung, he taught me that. How come you forgot?"

"My brother would not have been this irresponsible."

"We don't know what we are truly capable of until our masks are ripped out. Leave your imaginary throne and remember who you are. One of us, a prisoner."

"I understand why you did it, Dawon," he faced her, "I understand your despair and your revolt, but this is was incredibly dumb. If you die it's hyung who is going to suffer because of it. He will carry your stigma. He already has to answer for your mistake."

"What do you mean?" She furrowed her brows, finally seeming concerned.

"They want to question me, as well," Hoseok explained.

"Why? You didn't do anything?"

"He is your brother, he lives with you, your actions affect him, Dawon. I will do everything I can to take you out of here alive, but for all that is sacred you need to think before you act. You are smarter than this."

"I am still older than you, Taehyung," she reprehended, annoyed by his tone.

"I do not care. You needed to hear it. Help me now if not ever to get you out of this mess."

Dawon gnawed at her tongue.

"I will."

Tae leaned against the bars to confide her his idea.

"I have been thinking about it and the best option is for you to say you were planning to run away."

"Are you insane? This will get me punished as well, I have no right to freedom you know it."

"Anything will get you punished at this point. This is the best way to explain why you had the knife and the aggressive reaction when the soldier stopped you. Pin it on despair, it will be easier to convince them to have mercy."

"Listen to Tae, noona," Hoseok pleaded, hugging himself.

Dawon nodded.

"Alright. I understand. And you at least keep Hoseok safe while I'm stuck here."

Taehyung held his words back, not wanting to make matters more difficult. He marched irritated back to where Bogum was, no patience left.

"Are you alright?" He asked, noticing the blood Tae had drawn from his chewed lips.

"I'm fine."

Hoseok came back soon after. Taehyung could not wait to leave that grave behind, shaking the deathly feeling away. The warm touch of the sun was a relief. He could breathe free. At least for a little longer.

The next days seemed endless, a thousand years between sunset and sunrise, driving him mad with anticipation. Jeongguk had kept his distance. Tae barely saw him anymore. He was probably busy, they both had a lot to think about. The longing was dreadful, irritating Taehyung profoundly, hurting his pride.

In the fateful morning he got up early. A good night of seep was almost unattainable . The increasing expectation of those final moments seemed even harder to bare. The brush and ink were his only sources of peace, despite the memories they brought. He stared at the stained paper. Soon he would have to go down to the great hall with those vultures. He hoped he had convinced Jeongguk, that the emperor would show compassion once again, but he did not dare to pray. He was tired of screaming into the void with no answers. The gods had left him. Namjoon had left him. Jeongguk had left him. Taehyung beat the brush against the table. The once elegant black lines were all crooked.

There was a gathering by the massive wooden doors, the snobish members of that pathetic ensemble chatted carefree. Whoever looked would never assume they were about to decide over the life of a person. Hoseok was there too, shrunk by the wall, certainly no more than a stain to them. Tae sat down with him, placing a comforting hand over his shoulder. The voices shushed for a moment. He snapped his head back not understanding the silence, but then he saw her. Dawon - or her ghost - was being dragged towards them. It was a pitiful sight. Hoseok trembled beside him, hand covering his mouth. She exchanged a last apologizing look with her brother before being taken inside.

Jeongguk appeared after her with Yoongi. Nothing majestic about him that day. Quite the contrary. The crown crushed him, too big, too heavy. His eyes immediately found Taehyung's pleading ones. A stare was all they had.

"It is time," he announced with hoarse voice, waving his hand to order the participants inside.

The doors closed on them. Tae wondered what they would ask her, if she would comply. Dawon was unpredictable. The sun stretched over the ground, rising outside. It reached them. Hoseok picked the skin around his nails.

"Remember Geshi?" His voice was stale, dry as a blank paper.

Tae peered at him. His head rested against the wall. Exhaustion was not enough to describe.

"Of course I remember," Tae laid his head back as well, "how could I ever forget it?"

He recalled the horrified screams, the fascination it exerted over the crowd and himself, the catharses of praying together util it was finished. Many nights he had spent awake wondering about it when he was younger. The perspective of facing the ritual both terrified and excited him.

"Doesn't this feel like Geshi? Or at least what we have been taught it is? Doesn't it feel that since our paths crossed with these barbarians we have constantly been tested and broken?"

"Yes," he admitted, "yes, it does."

"Have we angered the gods?" The older choked out, "Why do they seem to have abandoned us?"

Taehyung had asked himself that. He had asked why that tragedy happened, why he lived, why he felt the way he did.

"Maybe there are no gods, hyung," he concluded, at last, a profound desolation taking over him as soon as he voiced his fear, "only flawed people and power."

"You do not mean that!" Seok protested appalled, "Have you stopped believing? You of all people, Taehyung?"

"I do not know what to believe anymore. If this is a test like Geshi then I'm failing. And still I'd prefer it to be, so at least I would know for certain there is an end to this pain."

"Does Jeongguk aliaviates it?" He questioned suddenly, "Your pain, I mean. Is this why you care for him?"

"Hyung..." Tae lowered his head, hiding it on his knees. "Not now. This is not the time."

"I simply wan-"

The doors were pushed open, making him shush. Seokjin stuck his head out.

"Jung Hoseok? We need to ask some questions.

Taehyung observed his scared eyes, wishing he could have spared him from that. Namjoon said caring was a gift. It was beginning to feel like a curse.

His fingers tumbled against the ground impatiently. He was desperate to know what was happening behind the closed doors. Was it another way to torture them keeping them in the dark? The sound of steps caught his attention. Jimin walked towards him.

"What are you doing here?" Taehyung asked when the boy sat next to him.

"I thought you might need support. Sorry, I am a bit late."

Tae made an effort to smile in gratitude.

"It's fine. Thank you."

"Is she your friend, this girl?"

Tae shrugged.

"She was. We grew up together. Nowadays, though, I am not sure what we are."

"Yoongi told me you went to talk to Guk about her..."

"I can imagine what he told you," his eyes rolled.

"He is just worried. He grew up together with Jeongguk too."

"I know. It does not give him the right to meddle with his choices though."

"No, it does not. But you should understand his concern. You want to protect this girl and he wants to protect Guk. His exterior is tough, but he is very caring. And he goes over the line. but it is all to keep the ones he love safe."

"You have feelings for him, your judgement is impaired."

"How funny, he said the same thing about you and Guk." Jimin smirked. Tae turned away. "Did you ask him to spare her life?"

"Yes. And he asked me to stay away. Yoongi got what he wanted."

"Jeongguk is in a delicate position."

"We all have our battles."

"If he orders her execution, what will you do?"

"I don't know," he said sincerely, "I don't want to think about it."

Jimin did not insist, letting him indulge in peaceful ignorance for a little longer. Tae knew he could not simply watch Jeongguk kill one of his own. He would have to put end to any twisted fantasy he had with the emperor. Maybe he should have told him that. Manipulate him. Yet he wanted Guk to choose sincerely, not because of his threats. Not that he believed he mattered that much to Jeongguk. He couldn't afford to think that way. The doors opened again. Tae's heart quickened.

"Kim Taehyung," Seokjin had a devilish smirk, "we need to ask you questions."

Tae gulped.

"What?"

"The accused has mentioned your name, so we need to hear from you as well."

Even Jimin seemed to stiff beside him. Dawon had dragged him into it. Of course she had. And Seokjin was having so much fun with it. There was no denying the request. If he did perhaps it would mean Dawon's execution.

"Fine," he clenched his jaw.

Once more he put on a brave face. Taehyung and his masks. Only his steps could be heard in the lions' den, but the stares seemed a lot louder. Hoseok and Dawon watched from the side, hands clasped together. Tae sat down on the empty chair at the middle of the place, facing the throne. It seemed specially uncomfortable. Guk gripped the armrests, nails almost dug in it. Taehyung caught himself wanting to soothe him. By the look in his eyes he thought the felling to be mutual.

"Kim Taehyung," Seokjin started, his long garment wiping the floor as he circled him like a predator, "why is it that when there is trouble you always seem to be involved?"

Tae would not entertain him.

"I reckon the trial is not about me."

Jin chuckled.

"Indeed it is not. Well, can you tell us the nature of your relationship with the Jung siblings?"

"We are from the same city, grew up together. Our families were close."

"You have helped Jung Dawon in the past, correct?"

"Yes, when you abused her."

If the accusation bothered Seokjin, he didn't show.

"You went against the law at the time, overruling my authority as her owner. Why?"

"Because she is my friend."

"Is it far fetched to assume you would be willing to ignore another law for her? Say to help her escape Jinse and her slave condition?"

"Yes, it is. You have no evidence of such. I did not know of Dawon's intentions."

"But did you know Jung Dawon was found at the East wing?"

Tae felt his confidence cracking.

"No."

"Doesn't it sound strange to you? Why would a slave risk crossing the palace as she tried to escape? Especially when there is a much closer way out on the West wing where the slaves sleep... Why would she do that you think?"

"You have to ask her."

"I did and she said she went to you. To deliver a letter. Do you confirm the existance of this letter?"

He glanced at her, seeing her desperate expression.

"Yes, I do."

"What did it say?"

The wheels of Tehyung's mind turned at full speed, trying to come up with something. Such an important detail that he had failed to prepare for. If their words did not match the lie would be exposed and both would have a storm coming. Tae wet his lips, taking a chance.

"I do not know," he answered, hoping he wasn't shaking. Seokjin frowned unsatisfied.

"What? How can you not know?"

"I... The moment I read on it that she had ran away I decided to burn it."

"Why would you do that?!"

"Because..." his sweaty palms clutched his clothes, "Because I did not want to take part in her plans. I didn't want to lie to the emperor and I didn't want to betray my friend either, and put her in danger. Put both of us in danger. I decided it would be best to step away from all of it."

"But you would still lie to your sovereign, by not revealing what you knew about a crime happening right at the palace. Stepping away is not an option in a situation as grave as this."

"I never thought anyone would be hurt!"

"Excuse me," Park Bogum stood up, "the trial is not about Kim Taehyung, as he already reminded you, Seokjin. Please keep your focus on the matter."

Seokjin glared at the nosy man, his nostril flaring.

"Very well. After burning the letter what did you do, Taehyung?"

"I was planning to go speak to her brother, Hoseok hyung, but he found me first. He had already heard about what she had done."

"What did he want?"

"Comfort. He was, as you can imagine, devastated."

"And after it you went to speak to the emperor privately, correct?"

Taehyung's eyes found the aforementioned man. His expression was stone, hiding the fire beneath it.

"Yes."

"What did you want to talk to him about?"

"I went to ask if it was true what Hoseok had heard. He confirmed it."

"Was that all?"

"I also asked that he granted me and her brother permission to pay her a visit, which he did. Dawon noona was heartbroken when we saw her. Full of regret. She told us that the soldier tried to stop her from fleeing and it was an impulsive act, moved by fear. She was very happy to know he would recover."

"You paint her as a victim?" Seokjin provoked.

"No, I do not. Dawon hurt someone, which should have consequences, but no lives need to be destroyed here. Enough were disgraced already in the invasion of our city. She went from a prestigious member of our society to a slave, barely human, in one night. She lost part of her family and almost everyone and everything she knew. Endured trauma that you yourself know about, Kim Seokjin, and all she wanted was to be free again. To be her own person. Can you blame her?" He turned his head around, catching the stares of the other members. "For a moment imagine yourselves in the place of a young girl who had her life ripped away from her, left to despair, and saw an opportunity to escape."

"Are you justifying her crime?"

"No. All I am saying is that she does not deserve to die for an impulsive mistake, made from despair."

"This is enough," Jeongguk determined, raising his hand up. Seokjin pursed his lips, clearly not done. "It is time for the council to deliberate and discuss the punishment to be given to Jung Dawon. The three of you are dismissed."

The outsiders left the room. Hoseok held Dawon's hand, both praying together. Tae sat at a far away corner next to Jimin who for some reason was still there. He knew he should be with the siblings, but something made him feel like an intruder among his own people. They waited again. Waiting was the worst part. Taehyung could not take it anymore when the assembly finally stepped out. He stuck his neck out, searching for Guk, expecting him to say something with just a glance. But he didn't come out.

"Jung Dawon," Yoongi called by the door, "the emperor has decided your punishment."

Hoseok helped her stand, holding her tight once more. Taehyung thought he saw the glint of tears in her eyes, but it was gone the next second. Dawon exchanged a scared look with him, swallowing hard. Nevertheless she walked inside that hall with the bravery of a warrior, even if she was never meant to be one.

Notes:

Hello loves!!!
Scenery is out! I'm so happy and so so proud of Taehyung, go shower him with love please. The song is fantastic!

Moving on to the the story, what did you think of this chapter? Things are tense! What do you think will be Jeongguk's decision? Please talk to me, I love talking to you uwu.

Also! I got into university! My classes start in two weeks and I have to finish organizing my move and all, it's been a little chaotic hahaha

I hope you're loving the story as much as me, see you soon 💜

Chapter 27

Notes:

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Hoseok paced in front of him, hands clasped together in a desperate prayer. Jimin's hand found Taehyung's cold ones. His muscles hurt from sitting. He observed Hoseok's shadow move back and forth on the ground. Any moment now. Hope moved further from him with every breath. The doors opened for the last time that day.

For some reason Taehyung could simply not react. When Dawon stepped out of the hall, a few dried tears on her cheeks, no questions left his mouth. He saw his hyung trip on his feet, going to envelope his sister in a hug as she repeated to him time and time again that she would live. He watched them celebrate in awe, his back remained glued on the wall as Jimin smiled at him. Yoongi walked out huffing, clearly unsatisfied with the decision. The decision Jeongguk had made. That would allow Dawon to live. Guk came out right after. The hardest part was over, but he did not seem relieved at all. However he did look somewhat proud, standing a little higher. He offered Tae a weak smile. Why did he spare her?

Exile and forced labor. That was what he had called it. It rid Taehyung of a heavy weight. It did not seem too different to what she was already doing. Of course Dawon was not completely pleased with it, but it beat the other option. She would be sent to another village to work at the rice plantations. Satisfaction was not the right word to use. It was the best out of an awful situation.

For a moment he had doubted Jeongguk. Tae had thought he would have to relive his greatest pain as Hoseok struggled with it. But the emperor proved himself worthy of his affection once more. Taehyung was selfish. He was so selfish part of him had been happy that Guk had not disappointed him, that he had shown mercy. No need to make more difficult decisions. Dawon would not be his problem anymore. He was disgusted with himself.

He did not accompany the siblings when Dawon was taken back to her cell. It was a private moment. They weren't family, even if once Tae had wanted them to be. His family was dead. It was more comfortable to simply stay with Jimin. Still, he felt obligated to check on Hoseok later. He imagined the separation would be difficult for him. But at least Dawon was alive. He would get to see her again, to hug her and talk to her and do all the things Taehyung couldn't.

Hoseok was not working when he got to his station which concerned him. The night was falling and the kitchen was in full work, preparing their supper. Seok had not taken a break even when his sister's life was at stake.

The slaves and servants chambers were not far from the kitchen. Chamber, though, would be a kind way to describe it. The servants at least seemed to have decent rooming situations. The slaves had just been grouped into a small room together, putting their mats wherever there was space on the ground. Hoseok was the only one there, fixing the straps of his sandal. Taehyung blamed himself for not noticing how worn out it was. Of course he hadn't. He avoided looking down, to not see the chains that bound his ankles.

"I can find you new sandals," he offered, startling the elder whose hands dropped their task.

"Taehyung?" His eyes widened, "What are you doing here?"

Tae sat down over a mat in front of him.

"I wanted to see how you were doing."

Seok showed a smile.

"I am better now. Relieved, more than anything."

Taehyung nodded, happy about how positive he was being.

"I'm glad for the both of you."

"I was going to look for you as well," he shifted, changing his posture to a more serious one as Tae waited for him to continue, "first of all, I need to thank you for your help. I don't know how I can repay your support and kindness in this dark moment."

Taehyung force a smile, he did not feel deserving of the praise and gratitude at all.

"It was the least I could do, hyung. I know this is not ideal, but at least she will live and you might be able to visit her from time to time..."

"I really am grateful, Tae." Hoseok looked into his eyes. He nodded, deciding to accept it. "And there's also something I have to tell you..."

His head shot up, seeing that Hoseok's smile had faded, his own mouth going down in anticipation for bad news.

"What is it?"

"I went to talk to Jeongguk after the trial."

"You what?" Tae furrowed his brows, "Hyung, why? You know he can't do more for Dawon, he-"

"I do know," he raised a hand to stop Taehyung, "I went to ask him for something else."

"How did you even get to him? Why didn't you come to me first?"

"I did not want to bother you more. Besides, I wanted to try to see it..."

"See what?" His frown deepened.

"What you do."

It was an accusation. Taehyung gulped before he could stop himself.

"Well," he continued, his restless fingers contradicting his calm expression, "how did it go?"

"He was quite polite actually. I requested for an audience and he abided..." Tae was on the edge of his seat as Hoseok thinned his lips, "I asked him to let me go with noona."

Taehyung jerked back.

"Hyung! This is a bad idea-"

"I told him that I want to work besides her and he allowed."

"But it's better for you to stay here," he insisted.

"You know I have been thinking of leaving this place," he shrugged, "maybe this is the gods giving me an opportunity."

"Hyung, I know, but..." his voice decreased, realizing he had no arguments, "can I convince you to stay?"

"She is my only family, Taehyung. We are all we have left. I must honor that." There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as neither was sure of what to say. They were family. Of course they would stick together. Tae was alone after all. "You should go with us," he encouraged, making the younger look up, "leave this cursed place behind."

Tae shook his head, not even giving it a moment of thought.

"No, I can't."

"You can't or you won't?"

"I have things I must do here, you know it."

Hoseok tilted his head with a profound sadness.

"I know you like him, Taehyung."

Color left his complexion, the temperature dropping vertiginously.

"That is not... I do not-"

"Stop lying to me," his voice was rough, cutting, "I'm not dumb. We have known for a while now, Dawon noona noticed it even before me."

"Hyung, I-" he rubbed his arm, eyes down to avoid his judgement, "It is not what you think."

Hoseok sighed, walking to the door. He confirmed their privacy and closed it shut. Tae raised a brow, watching his movements.

"A while ago I asked you if you believed you could kill him," he started, coming closer again.

Taehyung nodded as he recalled what he had said while moved by fury.

"I remember."

"Now I ask you something else: do you believe he deserves to live?"

Tae raised his eyes to meet his.

"Why are you asking me that?"

"Because I need an explanation, Taehyung. I need to understand why you, who was willing to lay down your own life if it meant taking Jeongguk's, has seemed to forget your goal."

"I didn't forget," he mumbled.

"Then tell me, is Jeongguk's life worth it? Does the man that caused the massacre of our people deserve to live?"

Taehyung's mouth hung open. How did he get there? He never asked to rule over so much as a person, much less life or death. Hoseok stared him down, expectant, forcing him to confess his sin. He was sick of bearing lies. There was no reason to hide the truth, it was clear as day already.

"Yes," he confessed in a shaky breath, fixated on his clasped hands, "yes, to me he does. I don't expect you to understand it, quite frankly I am not sure I understand it either. But it is how I feel. Believe me when I say I wish it was not the case, that my heart didn't beat for him as it does." He looked up at Hoseok, hoping to find some compassion in him, only to be let down. "There are no excuses, I know. Every day when I remember how we met, why me and you are here, what he is guilty of, I hate myself for feeling the way I do. I have been consumed by guilt and torn between my desires every day of my life and I am tired, hyung. But when he comes to me, I don't feel out of place anymore. He has made many mistakes, that I cannot forgive. He is flawed, as am I, and there is nothing I can say about that, but he has many qualities too. As troubling as it is I admire him and he does make me happy in the most unexpected way. Perhaps I'm selfish, or desperate, or I have truly gone insane after that night, I don't know how to justify it, but this is how I feel. And, yes, I want him to live."

There was a moment of silence as Hoseok mourned for the loss of the friend who only moments ago stood before him. Any ray of light that used to emanate from him was clouded by grey disappointment.

"Taehyung..." he thinned his lips as if he had just said a bad word, "How... How can you betray us like this?"

"I'm sorry," he lowered his head, "I'm so sorry. I promise you I tried, I tried with all I had to stop myself, to get rid of this feelings, but it was stronger than me."

"How could you stray so far from what Namjoon taught?"

"Don't!"

"I just cannot understand, Taehyung. Joon lived his ideals, his values ruled his life, he died for them. He never-" his voice broke, "He never let any feelings impair his judgement or meddle with his fate. None. He never ran away from his duty, even after your father died."

"And it cost him," Taehyung replied with sadness for the life his brother could never have. "All his pain and sacrifice and abnegation for what? Was it worth it, hyung? Pushing you away to focus on his duty? Any of it?"

Hoseok brushed his hair back and placed his joined palms over his lips, eerily similar to the strict priests of their city

"I understand you cannot control your feelings, but it's time to make a choice, Taehyung. You are Namjoon's brother, I consider you like one too, I watched you grow and I do not want to lose you like this. Me and my sister are in debt with you, I want to help you too. Come with us."

Taehyung did not hesitate.

"No."

"Tae-"

"No," he said more firmly, "I am staying here."

Hoseok shook his head baffled.

"I don't know you anymore."

"Hyung-"

"The Taehyung I knew would have more respect to the memory of his people, to the memory of Namjoon."

"Do not dare to speak of things you don't know!" He fended, "I did not ask for this! It happened and you have no idea the struggle and guilt I face because of it every day."

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" He scoffed, "You should feel guilty! You are choosing a fantasy over your blood. You were raised to be better than this, Taehyung. How could you lose yourself this much?"

Tae focused on keeping his breaths steady, not daring opening his mouth to not break down. Hoseok stood up, turning away from him, no longer able to bare the sight of the traitor.

"Leave. I do not wish to hear your poor apologies. Our bond dies today."

He did not argue, too tired to do so. Tired and resigned. There was no point in arguing with someone who would not listen. Dawon and Hoseok were blind and deaf to the world before them, as he had been. The mountain separated their society from the barbarians, as they should be separated. You stood with them, or you were the enemy, it was simple as that. But the mountain was far behind. It was exhausting to live in extremes. And Taehyung was done trying to prove his worth, his loyalty, his values. It was all he seemed to have done in his life, proving he could be what people wanted of him. It never worked anyway.

However, Hoseok was right about something. Tae was indeed lost. He had just admitted he did not want to kill Jeongguk. He confessed it out loud, he shattered all the expectations that he had built for others and himself. He did not want any harm to come to Jeongguk, specially not from his hands.

His feet became sore as he paced around his chambers, unable to calm himself down. The mark of his nails began to show on his cheeks. What was he supposed to do now? He would not hurt Jeongguk. He could not forgive Jeongguk. His skin felt ready to reap and burst with the turmoil inside him. He should leave Jinse, he had to leave Jinse, why did he stay there?! What was his purpose, if he even had one at all? For so long Taehyung had leaned on the crutch that was his supposed fate, he had clung to the idea of revenge, to his stupid, self important mission to have a reason to keep on breathing after his life ended. He had lost who he was, the world he knew and since then he had filled the void in his soul with bitterness. That fragile structure was crumbling on itself as was his identity. The man that looked back at him in the mirror was deformed. A scream was trapped inside his throat, pressing against it to escape.

"Tae?" His heart punched his ribs at that voice and the knock that came after it. "It's Guk. Can we talk, please?"

Taehyung swallowed his cry, fiercely wiping the tears away, disguising the havoc he was in. Of course he had to show up at that moment, almost as if he had sensed his distress. As if he felt Tae needed him.

Jeongguk twisted his fingers on the other side, concerns evident on his features. Yet he smiled upon seeing him. His presence was disarming and for a moment Taehyung could stop struggling and simply give in to his feelings. It was infuriating.

"Yes?"

"I came to see how you are doing," he explained, "you didn't show after the trial and Jimin said you seemed sick."

Tae's fingers tumbled the handle as he considered if he should send the emperor away.

"I was not hungry, that's all."

"Are you alright, Tae?"

"Yes," but his lip quivered, "yes, I am fine. Why do you ask?"

Jeongguk stared at him, unraveling his feelings. Taehyung only shrunk and stepped back.

"I know you," Guk took his hands to keep him close, "I can tell something is bothering you, Tae. Talk to me."

"I said I'm fine, you should go-"

"You don't need to pretend with me," he insisted. His thumb brushed over his knuckles. "It's alright to need help. I want to help you."

"Why?" He choked on his repressed emotions, meeting his eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Jeongguk's brows furrowed, but Tae did not see him through the tears anymore.

"What?"

"Why do you make me care for you?! I don't want it, Jeongguk! I don't want to feel this way!"

It was untamable. A repressed river was freed, flooding Taehyung's eyes, the sort of desperate cry he was afraid he could not stop. That should not be seen by anyone. But Guk wasn't just anyone. And if Taehyung was honest, he was grateful for his presence. He was glad the emperor walked in and shut the door, responding to his needs immediately. Because, as much as he tried not to be, Taehyung was selfish and he craved Jeongguk's comfort, his touch. He plunged into the emperor's embrace and cried all of his tears against his chest. Guk's fingers threaded his hair, soothing him.

"It will be fine, Tae," he whispered, kissing his temple.

Taehyung shook his head, raising his watery eyes.

"No, it won't. It will never be fine. You are the reason I am hurting, yet you are the only one who can make me feel better. Don't you see? It will never be fine."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't know what I am living for anymore," the words fell off his mouth, "everyone hates me, your court, my people, I hate myself... All because of you. But I cannot hate you. I should hate you."

He regretted speaking the moment he saw the melancholy in Jeongguk's teary eyes. Nevertheless the emperor cupped his cheeks with a weak smile.

"That is not true. Your brother loved you with all he had, you told me that. And so did your father, in his manner. Everyone who meets you is charmed, Tae, don't you see? Bogum is at your service and Jimin cares so deeply and... And me. Do I not count?"

"Guk-"

"I- I love you," he whispered, "I love you, Taehyung. It has to be worth something."

A long silence followed. Jeongguk expected it. It ached nevertheless. He was not ashamed of his confession, even if Taehyung did not say it back. Even if he believed he never would.

Taehyung's voice was suffocated. He hid in Jeongguk's clothes, breaking down like waves crashed upon the rocks. Guk held him upright as he shook with the sobs, legs threatening to give away any moment. Before they failed him, Tae was laid down on his bed. He curled beneath the sheets Jeongguk pulled over him. The simple movement of his hands roaming over the emperor's, moving up his arms, was enough to convey what he desired.

Jeongguk sat next to him, caressing his disgruntled hair and red face. Taehyung scooted closer, raising the sheets to call him to join his body beneath them. He obeyed promptly. His toes found Taehyung's before anything else. Then his hand recognized the curve of his waist, making home there. Their foreheads touched at last. Taehyung liked the sensation of Jeongguk's breaths against his fringe, even if it meant he failed. He liked that Jeongguk was safe and that he made him feel safe too.

Guk cradled him in his arms and started singing softly by his ear. His honey voice played a calming effect on Taehyung. It was a shame he did not sing more. His voice was already converting into Tae's favorite. It was airy and involving, a gust of wind that took him out of his course, suspending him above ground. And he could not fight. Jeongguk loved him. Did those words mean the same to him as they did to Tae? Love was sacred, one of the gifts the gods had granted humanity, Namjoon told him. For Taehyung it was a bold act. The priests taught him that love when not tamed could lead to destruction. They walked hand in hand. To every force there had to be a counter one. He had never felt it as strongly as when he was next to Jeongguk.

Taehyung drifted off to the dream realm, feeling for once safe. There was no space for fear in Jeongguk's arms. Being in the dark was exactly what he craved for the moment. There were no nightmares to disturb him. No threats or ghouls. Only Jeongguk. Jeongguk who loved him. Who Taehyung could never love back.

Tae's eyes fluttered open. Feeling arms around him was startling at first. He recoiled, an instant necessary until the memories organized themselves, puzzle pieces fitting. Jeongguk snored lightly, nose buried into his neck, their bodies molded to one another. The sun had not risen yet, but something told Taehyung it would soon.

He met a peaceful, sleeping boy when he turned around. A smile formed on Tae's lips without consent. His fingers traced his features, in a careful study. They found the mole beneath his pouty lips, his cheek's scar, his nose that was slightly big in a way Tae didn't know exactly when he had come to find endearing. A chuckle escaped his lips as Guk scrunched it, feeling ticklish with the touch. He could not pinpoint the moment that he started to be consumed by the desire to kiss Jeongguk or that yearning strange feeling that compelled him to admire said man as he slept as if he was an intricate work of art. Maybe there was no specific moment. Just a feeling growing inside him, a shift as natural and gradual as the night turned into day. And suddenly it felt much stronger. Jeongguk loved him, when Tae had thought love to be gone.

It was intimate, to sleep with someone, expose yourself in such vulnerable state, undressed of all masks and disguises. It made him strangely content that Jeongguk trusted him, that he cared enough to be by his side even when everything told him not to. And Tae never wanted him to leave. It was warm and comfortable and apeasing staying with him like that. Echoed in his mind the old thoughts of a time when he had been eager for such chance, to get the emperor unprotected, unprepared. If only he knew how things would turn out, he would have never gone to Jinse. He wouldn't be gazing at him, dealing with all those feelings he did not understand. He wouldn't have found that singular happiness.

The dagger had left his thoughts. He had put his weapons down. Taehyung wished him well and he was not the only one. He thought about the love Jimin had for the emperor, rooted in friendship and trust. How Yoongi had shown he cared, protecting him. How the people adored Jeongguk. Despite all the petty political issues and disputes, they respected their sovereign. Guk had done something good there. Tae had seen it. He had no right to preside over life or death. It was arrogant to believe so, not to mention hypocritical when he had criticized that exact presumption of the king and his soldiers. Yet he could not, he simply could not put the past behind them, ignore the moments that led him to that bed, that brought Jeongguk into his life. He could not erase the war that took away his family. He could not love Jeongguk, without losing a part of himself.

Taehyung did grab the dagger. It seemed to have collected dust. He got up from the bed. The corridors were quiet, every step of his resounding. He made the last turn coming to the place he wanted. The sea always seemed to welcome him exultant. The metal on his hands was cold, but it had nothing to with his shivers. The sky was rosy, preluding the new day. Dawn, where the opposites met, where he wanted to be. There was beauty in that world, Taehyung knew. And life to be rediscovered like spring. There was life pulsing in him, in the waves bellow, in Jimin's laughter and Jeongguk's eyes. And he craved it.

The knife was thrown into the immense blue like a twisted offering, it's golden glow shining one last time before being swallowed. He drowned a fraction of his burden. His fate. He was free. Taehyung fell on his knees. He did not ask for help. Asking for forgiveness was too much already.

The road he had drawn for himself had just been erased and Taehyung was adrift. He had been broken down to his intimate, true self, someone he was still trying to comprehend. But perhaps that was the first step to build himself back up. It was another trial, even harder than the one before. But if he faced it... If he faced it, it would bring clearance, self awareness, enlightenment. He would become better. Like Geshi. He knew what he needed to do. It was time to go home.

Notes:

Hello! First of all, thank you so so much for over 200 kudos! I am sincerely grateful to all of you who have read my story and showed your support. I will continue to work hard to post good chapters 💜

I also want to thank you all for your patience and continued love. I promise you I am doing my absolute best when it comes to writing and updating. I'll try to be faster.

Now moving on to the chapter, what are your thoughts? This was a very important one and a turning point I feel. As you can imagine we are nearing the end. I love Fated so much and I'm very happy to read your opinions, theorys and comments. Come talk to me uwu.

This is it for now. I hope you got your Speak Yourself tickets! I'll be trying for mine in a few days. Hope we all get to see these amazing boys. Have a good week loves, see you soon 💜

Chapter 28

It was a starry night, the kind Taehyung loved to gaze at. A perfect night to go up to the roof of the training centre with Jeongguk to observe the constellations above and in his eyes. The thought made the tug at his heart worsen. Tae did not dare looking back, focused on the sound his horse's hoofs made when they violently hit the ground and the path ahead. He refused to see the palace become smaller and smaller until it faded behind the city walls. He didn't want to let his conflicting emotions paralize him, to remember the gloom in Jeongguk's eyes as he watched him leave. Ever since he had told him about his wish to go back home Guk looked at him with melancholy, as if every moment with Taehyung was the last. The decision had deeply affect him.

After separating himself from the dagger, Tae had gone from the balcony back to his spot besides the sleeping man, making plans for himself, wondering how he should tell him about them.

"Tae," Guk murmured with his first breath.

Taehyung looked over at him, a smile already on his lips. He couldn't help chuckling at his messy appearance, hair pointing at different sides. They enjoyed the other's presence, the feeling of waking up next to each other. Their fingers laced.

"Hey there."

Jeongguk beamed, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

"How are you? Have you been awake for too long?"

"I'm better. Thank you for staying with me, Guk," his lips grazed the emperor's knuckles, "won't you be in trouble, though? Won't someone come looking for you?"

"I don't care," he propelled himself up, leaning over one arm, the other hand sneaking behind Taehyung's neck to bring him towards his mouth, "you are more important, Tae."

Taehyung gave in, finding the way back to him. Jeongguk pulled him down, his lips refusing to separate from his. The salty taste of tears was felt. Guk moved away, thumb quickly catching the droplets of water. Tae thinned his lips.

"Jeongguk, I need to talk to you about something."

He nodded, becoming serious with a look at Taehyung's uneasy expression. He moved back to sit against the headboard. Tae settled between his knees, hands placed over them.

"I am listening."

"I... Please, don't understand this the wrong way, but I- I need to go home."

Jeongguk's glowing happiness faded.

"What?" His voice broke, straining a little higher, "You- You are leaving? For how long?"

That was the main question, wasn't it? When would Taehyung be back? Would he be able to make a quick decision to tell him at all?

"I need time for myself." He stroked Guk's tigh, attempting to soothe him. "I am not sure how much. Maybe I will be back before fall. Or-"

"Or you won't be back at all," he completed grim. Tae tilted his head.

"Don't say that," he pleaded, the idea paining him, "I will meet you again, it is a promise. Trust me."

"It is not that I don't trust you, Tae," Jeongguk explained defeated, "I have nothing to offer you. We both know it. You won't have any reason to come back. I don't blame you, I simply know it."

His hands cupped the emperor's soft cheeks, caressing his skin. He was fragile in his hands, in the verge of shattering. There was more fear in his glossy eyes than in Taehyung's. Tae had no doubts.

"You are my reason."

A snap of fingers called him back to reality. Yoongi was glaring his way impatiently.

"What?" He raised a brow.

"Stay focused. I know a different trail through the woods, pay attention or you will get lost."

Tae huffed, twisting the reins. He had been crazy to agree with that. When Guk asked him to allow a soldier to accompany him on the journey back to the valley, he was uncomfortable enough. Taehyung didn't like his soldiers, he didn't know most of them beyond looks and he was sure they didn't like him either. Last thing he wanted was to be alone in their presence. But Jeongguk insisted, pleading at him in deep concern. And he could not deny. Then Guk went and chose Min Yoongi of all the thousands of soldiers available. That possibility had not even crossed his mind, of course not, Yoongi would never agree to it. But he agreed and Tae had to agree as well. Truly, he was foolish to not see it coming, Yoongi was one of the few people Jeongguk trusted with his life. He trusted him with Taehyung's life, even if he shouldn't have. Maybe Tae should have told him about the time Yoongi threatened him. It would for sure have spared them from the awkward situation. Moreover, despite their differences, Tae recognized the soldier's loyalty to the emperor and his skill. He didn't feel right taking Jeongguk's most valuable fighter away in such delicate time. But the emperor was more worried about him.

Yoongi rode in front, sparing him a glance here and there to make sure he was alright, not saying a thing. He looked even more serious than usual.

"Can we take a moment?" Tae yelled when he was sick of the same position. The sun was scorching, high in the sky. Jinse was not even visible anymore. It seemed the right moment to stop.

He didn't wait for Yoongi's permission, pulling his horse to a break. The squalid trees around provided some shade, but it was not enough. They carried no fruits either. He wished he would have paid more attention to the trajectory the first time around to at least know where he was. But then again maybe Yoongi was taking another path, one that their large group wouldn't have taken. Tae jumped down of the horse and began to look for his cantil in the bag attached to it.

"What do you think you're doing?" Yoongi came closer, still on his horse.

"Taking a break. I want water."

"We take a break when I say to, Taehyung."

"I see, I must have been asleep in my room when the announcement of you as the new emperor was made. Is a reverence in place?"

"This is not a joke," he narrowed his eyes, "there are people who would be pleased if you never came back from this journey. Not to mention bandits. Or do you think Jeongguk asked me to come because he thought I would like the scenery? Come on, we should keep moving."

Taehyung did not reply, simply getting back on his horse. It would be better if Jeongguk himself had come with him. If he had, maybe they wouldn't come back. They could simply run away from all that tormented them, that kept their feelings suffocated.

When the sun had gone down and Tae was nearly falling of his horse Yoongi finally seemed to decide they were safe enough to rest. They set camp by a hill's steep, hiden behind some bushes. He made a small fire to warm them up, as Taehyung stretched a blanket over the dirt to lie on. Mosquitoes and the crackle of the blazes were the only sounds. Yoongi would be an excellent priest, it was almost as if Tae was back at the temple. He didn't seem bothered by the silence at all. For a warrior the man was actually surprisingly serene.

After what could barely be called a meal, Taehyung curled on his makeshift bed, missing the comfort of his chambers. Missing Jeongguk more than anything. After sleeping in his arms it felt too cold to be on his own. No position seemed as comfortable. No remedies were as helpful.

"Do you miss Jimin?" He asked without meaning to, taking Yoongi by surprise. His pale face snapped up to look at him.

"Why are you asking me that?"

Tae shrugged, fiddling with the blanket's hem.

"I don't know. I suppose it is because I miss Jeongguk ."

The answer had Yoongi rolling his eyes.

"You want us to what? Talk about feelings and bond?"

Tae scrunched his nose.

"Just wanted to make conversation."

"I do miss him," he mumbled, lying on his back, "even more now."

There was a moment of silence, before Tae asked what was on his mind since they left the city.

"Why did you agree to help me?"

"Because my emperor asked me to."

If there was one thing Tae could not criticize about Min Yoongi was his loyalty. He played with his own hair, trying to relax and feel a little more at ease.

"You and Jeongguk are childhood friends, right? Were you a drifter too?"

"Go to sleep."

"What if you kill me in my sleep?"

There was a loud sigh.

"I won't."

"You have threatened me before," he reminded, the violence with which the soldier had treated him was a disturbing memory, "and we both know you want to see me far from Guk."

"You are right about that, Taehyung, I don't like you, I don't trust you, but Jimin and Jeongguk seem quite fond of you, so I will do my absolute best to bring you back safe. For now I am protecting you. But the threat stands, hurt either of them, or this kingdom, and I will end you myself."

Tae gulped, crossing his fingers over his tummy.

"I am not the traitor. Hasn't it occurred to you that maybe there is a reason why both of them like me so much?"

"Jimin always sees the best in everyone," he said with a small voice.

"Jimin is not stupid."

"I know that," Yoongi retorted offended, leaning over his elbow, "but he is thrilled that Jeongguk is happy after a long time because of you."

"Shouldn't you be too? As his friend?"

"You do make Jeongguk happy, I'll give you that, and he clearly cares deeply for you, but the council does not and that means he shouldn't either."

"You are not in position to speak, are you?" He raised a brow, "I am sure the council would not be supportive of your relationship with Jimin either."

"Precisely why me and him are discreet."

Taehyung scoffed.

"I caught you, it could have been anyone."

"Well, Jimin doesn't walk all over the council as if he's the emperor, knowing he has got protection."

"I am giving my opinion," Tae argued, sitting up as well, "that is why Jeongguk asked me to go."

"You are there as one of his personal advisors, you are not a member," the general lectured, "your opinions and the blatant disrespect you show towards our hierarchy has put them against you and forced him to protect you, which makes him a target too."

"Jeongguk likes my opinions he told me so himself."

"He likes them because he likes you."

"Not true," he shook his head promptly, "he likes me because he admires me."

"You make him weak," Yoongi accused, looking right into his eyes. "If you truly cared about Jeongguk you would shut your mouth and support him as he needed, not make him risk everything for you."

"Jeongguk is not a child! He is a grown, wise men. He has been through more than anyone his age should have. He is perfectly capable of making his own decisions."

"When his decisions are a threat to himself, then someone has to intervene."

"Oh how kind of you," he snarked, "is this what you tell himself? That you are protecting him?

Yoongi clenched his jaw, letting out a strong breath. He turned away, avoiding Taehyung's drilling stare.

"When I met Jeongguk I had no family," he started, making Tae's expression crack in confusion, "I was a beggar, hanging on by dear life. His mother took pity on me, she let me eat their food and share their rags. His father was not as lenient. To be allowed on their camp I had to prove my worth. And so I did, my whole life. He saw I was useful and he kept me around for that sole reason. I had two missions," he reminisced, raising his fingers, "to get food and to help Jeongguk get it. I took him to fight at the cities, to hunt in the wild... We weren't allowed to come back empty handed. My permanence in the camp and, therefore, my survival were directly attached to his. If he failed, his punishment would be rough. Mine would be death. I dedicated my life to protecting his, Taehyung, I fought in the rebellion beside him and his father, I slaughtered his enemies, not for me, but because it's my responsibility, my debt. If it wasn't for Jeongguk's family I would not be here. I care about his well being and it concerns me to see him risk everything for you."

The flames cast a shade over Yoongi's face. Taehyung felt a little bit of his anger dissipate.

"I care about Jeongguk too," he assured in an candid murmur.

"Then stop destroying what he built." The general's eyes met his. "He made a choice, I don't know why, but he chose you, to protect you. And I don't see you choosing him back."

Taehyung choked outraged.

"You know nothing of what you speak," his voice trembled with fury, "I have let go of more than I can say to share one simple moment of tenderness with Jeongguk! You have no right to say this when you don't know what goes on between us."

"Then I must say your sacrifice has been in vain. I am sorry, but Jeongguk will marry a princess, Taehyung, someone to grant him armies and power and secure his position. That is the best for him. The sooner you understand that, the better."

Tae was baffled by his words.

"Don't you care about his happiness?"

"His safety comes first."

"For what?" He questioned in disbelief, "To live a miserable life?"

Yoongi sighed with a hint of sadness.

"To be the king I know he can be."

Taehyung didn't say anything else. His emotions were too boggled to give way to words. Not that he even had the energy to argue. Yoongi would not be convinced anyway. And despite his annoyance, part of Tae thought he had some points. What the future held for him and his relationship with Jeongguk was an enigma he himself had yet crack. He had promised to meet the emperor again, nothing else he could promise after that.

The journey was faster with only two people and light baggage. Still Tae almost counted the steps, telling himself constantly that he was closer than before. When the familiar shape of the mountain that once limited his world appeared in the horizon the joy was accompanied by nervousness. Nevertheless, he appreciated the familiarity of the terrain after traveling through paths he did not feel comfortable in. Finally they reached the top of the mountain, where he had said goodbye to his home.

A moment of contemplation was needed for recognition, to greet his cradle. The river looked the same as always. All around it crops flourished as they used to flourish. Small dots populated the water, fishing, planting, utilizing it in ways he knew well how. Yet he felt sadly estranged. His memories seemed blurry in comparison to what his eyes saw. The time that separated the Taehyung that had last seen that scenery from the one that looked down the valley at that moment was not as large as it felt. Maybe the time had passed him by differently. Maybe he was the different one.

The streets were, thankfully, not the same as his last memory. They were clean and quiet, no blood stains to be seen, almost no hint of what had passed. Except some buildings were not there anymore. Neither were some faces. It lacked a breath that used to be there, a laughter, a smile that greeted him in the market. New ones were in their places. The river kept on running. The temple was still there though, the library, the assembly, the theater... Taehyung. None unscathed. But they were still standing, which should be good enough in a fallen city.

He followed Yoongi to a house whose owner he vaguely remembered being an older widowed man that sometimes appeared at the assembly meetings. Not that it mattered, there was someone else living there already. A soldier walked out the door to welcome them.

"General Min, it is great to see you." His tone carried respect, same as the gaze directed at the Yoongi. Then his eyes moved right to where Tae stood, the solemnity replaced by curiosity. "And you must be Kim Taehyung."

Tae replied with a small nod.

"Nice to meet you."

"Taehyung, this is Cha Eunwoo," Yoongi presented, "he is one of the soldiers responsible for the administration of the city and will assist you during your stay with whatever you need."

"Thank you, but there's no-"

"Jeongguk designated him," Yoongi explained suggestive, cutting him short, "he wanted you to have someone you can trust here."

Tae thinned his lips. He felt a little better knowing at least Guk was the one behind that.

"I don't want to bother."

"I will be happy to help, Taehyung-ssi."

"Taehyung?" A female voice called from the inside of the house, making Tae look beyond his host's figure to see a small girl approach quickly, "Kim Taehyung, is it really you?"

He recognized that face.

"Yoona!"

The girl rushed past Eunwoo, opening her arms to welcome him. She looked better than he remembered, healthier, a bright smile making her rosy cheekbones go up.

"I cannot believe it! Eunwoo did not tell me you were the one coming!"

"You are alive!" Tae was bewildered, checking her up and down. She touched his features, drawing his contour beneath her fingers.

"I'm glad to know you are well too."

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you in Jinse?"

Yoona searched for his hand to grab.

"Come inside, we have a lot to talk about."

Tae glanced at Yoongi, who seemed to be craving a chance to speak to the other man alone, and let Yoona lead him inside. She walked slowly yet certainly, with a map of the house clear in her mind, he imagined. It was an elegant and comfortable place, nicer than anything a servant girl could own, at least in the city he knew.

"So the stories are true?" She asked as they entered the spacious kitchen. Water boiled over the fire, vapor filling the air. "You have been living in Jinse? And not as a slave?"

The question had Tae uneasy. He sat a the wooden table, watching her take the kettle away from the flames with a towel.

"Yes, I have," he replied simply, avoiding the details, "and you? How come you are still here?"

"They left the ones they thought were useless," she said unfazed, pouring the hot water on a porcelain teacup, then soaking leaves in it. "There was no interest in children and elders and the disabled, the weak ones as we are called. But I'm not complaining. I love staying here."

Taehyung had seen what Yoona could so ably do with one of her senses impaired. Remembering the cruel mistreatment she had suffered in the hands of their people made him sick.

"They have no idea what they are saying. You are stronger and more capacitated than any of us could dream."

She smiled at him, placing the delicate teacup before him.

"Oh, it is good to have you back, Taehyung-ssi. The city has been feeling a bit empty to be honest."

"I can imagine things must be a lot different..." He sipped his beverage, the heat burning his lips. It was just as bitter as he remembered. He never thought he would have missed it. "Have you been living here?"

"Yes, with Eunwoo. I work for him," she quickly added.

"I see... And has Eunwoo been good to you?"

"Yes," Yoona nodded, "yes, very much so."

"I'm glad then."

"He is not bothered by my condition, you know," she said with enthusiasm, "he doesn't think I'm cursed.

"You are not," Taehyung affirmed with conviction, "I am sorry I haven't said this earlier, but you are not. Ignore whoever says otherwise. The priests, the council, the townsfolk... They were all wrong. They were wrong about so many things."

The leaf at the bottom of his cup had started to dissolve.

"You surprise me," Yoona remarked stunned.

"Honestly, I have been surprising myself as well."

"Are you back for good?"

"No," he answered promptly even if he had not thought about where to go to next, "the world is far bigger than this valley and I have only just begun discovering it."

"I can imagine. You were always a curious one." She grinned, leaning forward on the table. "Tell me, what is Jinse like?"

Taehyung let his mind drift to the place that had sheltered him after his loss. Where he had faced challenge after challenge yet found treasures he would have nowhere else. Where part of his heart remained.

"It is beautiful. Fantastic really... Lively and colorful... And so different from what I had imagined. They all are in a way. The people, I mean. It is not like the priests told us."

"I know," Yoona said, making Tae curious, "when they took over I thought life was over, that we were doomed, but... Well to be sincere, it does not feel so. And the soldiers are not bad. A few have even been nice. Not everyone thinks so, though. Some are still fighting... Not that I blame them."

"You seem to have been dealing well."

She shrugged.

"If there is one thing I know is how to adapt. Life must go on."

Taehyung drank his tea, lost in thought.

"It does, doesn't it?"

That night, Taehyung could finally appease his needs after the rough journey. Spare rooms were offered for him and Yoongi to sleep properly again. After much insistence from Eunwoo, the general had agreed to spend the night there and make the journey back to Jinse well rested. Their doors were opposite from one another. The two walked side by side in silence, stomachs full of a real dinner after days of eating less than enough.

"I will leave tomorrow at dawn," Yoongi let him know, hand hanging over the doorknob, "in case you want me to take anything to him."

Tae's brows went up, disappearing beneath his fringe.

"You would do that?"

Yoongi moved his head almost imperceptibly.

"It will make him happy."

Before Taehyung could answer, he disappeared into the bedroom. Still processing the offer, he entered his own. It was smaller than the chambers he had in the palace and darker as well. Heavy velvet curtains covered the only window. No sign of a balcony. Unconsciously, he had began to think of the room he had in Jinse as his own. He had grown accustomed to the songs of the birds that enhabitaed the surroundings. His scent was all over those sheets, mixed with the smell of burning sage. He wished he could still hear the distant hush of the sea. His dreams took him back there. Back to him.

The next morning, Tae got up early to find himself some parchment and ink. Jeongguk would be overjoyed to have something of him, something to hold on to. He could imagine his smile. Yoongi would leave soon, he didn't have much time to think about it. He had considered writing the emperor a letter, but the idea of him having to ask Jimin to read it displeased Taehyung as he knew it would do Jeongguk. Then came a better idea with significance that would not be lost. Images could say a lot more than words. The pattern tattooed on his hand looked slightly different imprinted on the parchment, but the meaning was the same: bind. Symbols he was so familiar with, that he had presented to Guk, gifted to him.

Taehyung barely caught the rushing Yoongi before he left.

"Wait!" He screamed, running down the main hall and through the open door.

Yoongi was startled by his yells, dropping the bowl of water he had on his hands. The horse that was drinking from it moments prior neighed. His brows joined one another, watching Tae sprint towards him.

"Came to say goodbye?"

"Please... Please give this to him." Tae asked amid short breaths, handing him the folded piece of parchment with one hand, while the other pressed at the side of his torso.

Yoongi took the item, carefully putting it inside his bag.

"I will. A messenger from Jinse comes by from time to time, in case you want to send him or Jimin something. And if you need help here, Cha is the person to go to."

Taehyung nodded, straightening his posture.

"Thank you for the help on getting here. And look after him and Jimin for me, please."

Yoongi showed a hint of a smile.

"I won't let any harm come to them."

He put his foot on the stirrup of the saddle, propelling his body up on the horse. Tae stepped back, giving him space.

"I almost forgot..." he said, looking over his shoulder, "Jeongguk asked me to let you know your old house is still yours."

Taehyung's eyes became round.

"What?"

"You still own it. He gave orders for no one to take it, in case you wish to visit, or move back. It's yours as always." Taehyung didn't know what to say. Yoongi got hold of the reins, taking a last glance at him. "Until we meet again, Taehyung."

His heel kicked the side of the horse, making it move. In an instant he had vanished, leaving only dust behind. Taehyung was static. The thought of his old house haunted him. Memories of his happiest times were muddled with the ones from the night of the invasion, ruining any possibility of him ever feeling comfortable there again. It was disheartening that he could not erase those images, letting them stain the walls of his once beloved home. The idea of the soldiers that destroyed it leading happy lives over it's ruins was more than he could take. But that was not the case. Jeongguk had preserved it for him, as if it was a sacred place. It had not been maculated. It was empty.

Taehyung repeatedly watched the sun be born and die. The leaves began to stick to the ground as he was stuck in the same simple routine. It was almost possible to pretend nothing had changed. Almost. Whenever he met someone from his old life all they seemed to talk about was their sorrow, the loved ones lost and offer him condolences.

He spent most of his time at Eunwoo's house. Yoona always had some chore to do and he did not mind helping. It was a good way to stay busy. In the mornings he woke up early after a bad night of sleep, Tae went to walk around the city. He kept waiting for the moment it would all make sense, when the puzzle pieces would find their way back to each other and he would see the picture he was missing. He hoped he would feel the way he wanted to when he first decided to go back there.

At some point, he had decided to retrace his steps, hoping to meet the old Taehyung along a corner. He visited the weirdly silent assembly square and what was left of their library to read books he knew by heart, thinking about the one in Jinse that had come to hold so many stories he loved. He had just started reading the book Jeongguk had deemed his favorite before leaving.

However, of all the paths he used to know Taehyung was still too scared to face the most important one. He could not bring his feet to make the way down the hill left to the main square, where large properties occupied the opposite sides of a long street. The street he used to run around, where he had fallen and broken his arm, where he could yell at Hoseok and Dawon to come outside and play and for Namjoon to catch him if he could.

Taehyung had been avoiding that road, afraid the changes would be too much for him. He stood at the beginning of the path to his old house, like he had done many times in the previous days wondering if he was finally ready. If one was lost, they should make the way back home. Taehyung went back to the valley to find himself. Yet he had been wasting his time, cowering at the perspective. He needed to get through that challenge, to face what was left of his past, where had come from. What happened that night.

There were only echoes of distant chuckles and cries and shadows of what had been, making Taehyung more out of it. He stumbled past the other houses and froze by the last one, his old palace. The red and black entrance portico had fallen down, only the columns remained. The patio where he used to paint and dance and the water font where he sat by to practice meditation were eerily similar to what he remembered.

"If you want it back you have to catch it!" A fragment of a young Namjoon flashed before his eyes, running away with Tae's ball.

"Give it back, hyung!" His old self yelled, short legs struggling to keep up with the taller oner.

He jumped over Namjoon's back, taking him down. Their laughter was uncontrolled, the kind that made stomachs hurt, as the playfully fought for the toy. Taehyung blinked and the ghosts were gone.

His hand was shaky as he placed it over the small iron gate and pushed it open. The stillness profoundly bothered him. The flowers of the garden had succumbed too.

Dust irritated his nose when he walked inside. His father's harp sounded distant, coming from his office. It was the way he occupied his mind when there were too many problems concerning him. Tae should have asked to be taught to play when he had the chance. There was no sign of the debris he vaguely remembered from that night anymore, but it was far from being the home of his childhood. It was naked, characterless, no trace of his history. The curtains had been ripped, paintings and tapestry gone. His fingers dusted an ancient oak shelf, one of the few things that remained in its place. The sculptures that stood on it were gone too, probably broken in the confusion. Silence prevailed. Whatever that house had meant to him it was gone with his family. The home he knew only existed in his mind where it could not be taken away. All he saw before him was a mausoleum.

Taehyung walked away with dried tears after bidding it goodbye. He stole a flower from a neighboring garden, leaving it behind as a homages to the ones lost.

People were starting to crowd the sidewalks, bumping into him, however Tae did not acknowledge them. He drifted to the temple, wishing to make a prayer. He had been resisting visiting it, the self judgement keeping him away, but at the moment it seemed like the right place to go.

It was as cold and intimidating as he recalled. The big walls closed over him, reminding him of his insignificance. His uncertain steps disturbed the oppressive quietness. He did not feel worthy to be there. The images on the walls glared at him, knowing his secrets, his flaws he had tried to hide for years. They cursed at him, shunning him away. He walked to the golden altar with his head hanging low and kneeled before the gods.

"Taehyung?"

Tae snapped his head back startled by that voice, seeing what was left of his old mentor.

"Seonjoon sunbae," he mumbled, taking a moment to remember his position of inferiority, only then bowing.

The man was being swallowed by the tunic that once had glorified him, skin, bones and regret.

"So you are alive."

Tae nodded, hugging himself.

"I am happy to see you are well too."

The older man scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"I would not go so far as to say that."

"Are you the only one here?"

"Yes. A curse, a bless, you decide."

The last time Tae and him had met they were in that exact spot. It was just before the attack, when the council had decided to not submit to Jeongguk. He had spent the day praying. Looking back, he wished he had done more.

"I am sorry."

"What for?"

"I don't know. Everything. Failing. Not stopping this pain, not being a better servant..."

The elder shrugged.

"I had no expectations of you, anyway, so you did not fail me."

Taehyung could not help cackling at it. Somehow it was lot more relieving than offensive. Seojoon sat besides him, hands resting over his crossed legs as he let his eyes shut. Tae grew the courage to look ahead. He stared at the representation of Jiang, whose tears had formed the river that brought life to his people. His deep, stormy eyes seemed to defy the apprentice.

"I need answers," he said, still fixated on the painting.

"Ask away."

"Not from you. I... I want to go through Geshi."

Seojoon glared at him.

"No."

"But-"

"No," he repeated resolute, without giving his request so much as a thought, "It is a sacred ritual, one you are not ready for, Taehyung. I shouldn't even have to explain such thing to you."

"Please," he insisted, "I need it."

"Why?"

"I need to achieve clarity, to get in touch with myself. I am ready, sunbae, I know I am."

"No, you are not. You haven't finished your training, how could you be? If you want to so badly do it and disrespect our traditions, you know where the herbs are. But do not expect my help for it. You will achieve nothing with this, be warned."

Taehyung sighed, standing back up. He left the other in his meditations, conjuring a plan in his head. Seojoon was right, Tae didn't need him to do it. All he needed was the herbs, the knowledge he already possessed and someone to look after him. Yoona could assist him. He was determined to go through with it. It would help. It had to. And then perhaps he too, like Jiang, could take something good out of his pain.

Notes:

Hello, lovelies! I owe you some apologies. You probably thought I had abandoned the story. I assure you this will never ever happen. I will definetely finish it. University has been kicking my ass, hard, but I'm doing my beat to keep on writing as passionately as ever. This is what I love to do the most after all.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for reading and supporting me. I am truly grateful. Please come talk to me in the comment section and let me know your thoughts.

I have good news! I intended to make this a double update, but even my parents were criticizing me for taking so long, so I decided to post this one now and the other later this week. You can expect it by saturday! It's written already, I just need to polish it a bit and I will have time to do it after an annoying test I have this Wednesday passes.

Again, thank you for the support. Hope you all had a good time reading 💜

Chapter 29

Taehyung's hands clutched the bowl, nails scratching the wood. The smell burned his nostrils, eyes watering. He hoped he had prepared it correctly. After watching so many of those rituals it was impossible for him to not have learned. Taking the herbs was the easier part. They were kept in the same greenhouse Tae knew by heart. He had spent a lot of his time studying every plant there, every remedy and poison. From all his dull tasks that was one he actually enjoyed. He liked being among the flowers and unravelling their secrets. If there was one apprentice who would have learned how to make the holy tea before their time it was him. Nevertheless he had prepared more than enough to assure a few tries.

"Are you sure?" Yoona repeated the question for the third time. Despite being hesitant, she had been kind enough to agree to help him without judgement.

Traditionally only the priests and apprentices were allowed to watch it, the wide eyed students excited to come a step closer to their own ritual of consecration. The rest of their people waited outside, only hearing the effects of the trial, wondering what pain could be producing those poignant screams. But Taehyung had never been orthodox.

He decided to face his trial at Eunwoo's house. The soldier was on patrol till early morning. They picked the room with less furniture in the house. Tae pushed empty shelves to the wall, clearing space for himself. It was impossible to know what to expect, but he had seen how intense things could get. Thinking about it only made him more fidgety. He gulped, seeing the reflection of his face blur as the beverage danced over the edge of the bowl. He breathed out, teeth boring into his lips.

"I am ready."

It was simple. All he had to do was swallow it all at once. He could do it. He had to. Taehyung's eyes shut tight as he drank the bitter tea in one movement, a few droplets running down his chin and a wave rushing down his throat, burning it. The bowl fell empty on the ground, so did Taehyung. His knees absorbed most of the impact, nausea disguising the pain. He squirmed, body shaking with the rapid breaths. Seojoon was right, he was not strong enough. Before Tae could stop himself, his body was already pushing it all out, desperate to get rid of every trace of it. Dry coughs came out, throat still slightly closed. He wiped the vomit from his mouth amid curses. Yoona sighed with sympathy, walking towards him with a towel.

"Again," he ordered, reaching his hand out to ask for another bowl.

"Taehyung, you can give up."

"Again, please," he repeated with hoarse voice, "please. I can do it. I'll try harder."

Yoona cleaned him up, her lips were pursed, keeping her from speaking her mind. Taehyung would not listen.

She took the second bowl, closing his weak hands around it. Tae swallowed his fear. He prayed once more that it would work and poured it down his throat without giving way for second thoughts. His lips were thinned in a straight line, determined to not let anything out. He felt his body reject it, wanting to force the strange beverage out, but he wouldn't allow it. The ground was quaking or perhaps it was him. There was no way to know, his senses were failing him. His head fell towards his puffing chest, fingers cringed, pulling his hair out.

There was no air. Taehyung's lungs were filled with water. His eyes burned when he opened them. Nothing but dark vast ocean at every direction. He was shaking, the water too cold for a swim. He wasn't swimming at all. Instead, his legs and arms struggled pathetically against the current, growing heavier and heavier with every movement. There was a pressure in his head, someone keeping him down under, preventing him from getting to the surface. Bubbles were all that came out when he tried to scream. He was going to die and it hurt. His lungs were on fire, begging. And he screamed, he screamed until sound came out.

"Quiet!"

Tae blinked, water dripped from his heavy clothes. He inhaled again, relieved to be able to breathe. He was back in the living room of his old house. The details he remembered were still there. Thunders echoed outside.

"I cannot believe you, Taehyung!"

His father was so tall, a lot taller than he remembered. He had that deep frown, the vein popping one, the one that meant Taehyung had done something wrong again.

"I asked you one thing, to not wander around the woods anymore and you cannot even do that!" He yelled furious, making Tae flinch. "What is wrong with you? Your brother never caused me an inch of the shame you bring!"

"I- I am sorry, father."

"You always are, yet you keep letting us down. You are my son, you are supposed to be an example in this city. Our family has carried a name of generations of honor that you cannot stain! Because that is what you are. A stain. An embarrassment to this house and the gods know I have been trying to fix you!"

Taehyung remembered that day clearly. It was the day of the harvest celebrations. His father should do an important speech with him and Namjoon. Their model family. Of course Taehyung did not fit it. He had spent too much time at the woods playing again. He had lost his way. At a certain point he had given up, sitting by a large oak and waiting to be found. They did find him after an extensive search and many rumors were started, covered in mud and water. He brought trouble on himself.

"I will be better," he said in a small voice, "I promise you I will."

"I am tired of your empty promises. Your mother died so you could live, do not ever forget your debt, Taehyung. She gave her life for yours."

"I know."

"You were supposed to be our miracle," he murmured frustrated, "not a curse."

Taehyung's heart shrunk, cuffs closing around it.

"I know, father."

"You are lucky the priests have agreed to make you an apprentice because I don't know what else to do with you. I honestly don't. You need to mature, Taehyung! To have sense of responsibility!"

"I am truly sorry," thick tears ran down his cheeks. His father sighed exhausted, not looking at him.

"Swallow this cry, it will do nothing for you. And go to your chambers. I do not want to hear you so much as breath tonight."

Tae nodded and turned away, tripping on his little feet. He ran to his bedroom, the tears blinding his sight. He hit someone before he could reach the door.

"Hey now, don't listen to him." Namjoon had a tender smile when he kneeled down to wipe away his younger brother's tears. "Father is upset, he had a lot of pressure on his shoulders and he was incredibly worried about you. We both were."

"H-he's right," Tae hiccuped, "I a-am a burden to you."

"He is wrong, Tae. You are special, and wonderful and smart," Joon grabbed his chin, making him look up mid sniffs, "he thinks so too. Don't take anything he said to heart."

But it was too late. The words had already grown roots on Taehyung.

"Do not lie to me, hyung. I am not a child."

"And I am not lying," he protested, faking offense at the accusation, "did I ever lie to you?"

Taehyung pouted, wiping his running nose.

"No."

"Then believe what I say. You should not have wandered so far into the forest, yes, but it is alright. Next time you won't make the same mistake, right?"

"No!"

"Then that is enough. Now we have to get you cleaned up for bed, little tiger," he bopped his nose and picked the younger one up, "I will ask Hari to prepare you a warm bath, you will be lucky to not catch a cold."

"You know I never do."

"I know you are strong, but it is better not to risk it. What were you doing at the woods, anyways? Found anything interesting?"

"I was exploring and I lost track of time. I saw this really fluffy bunny, hyung! I had to catch him! But it was faster than me and I started running and running after and then when I looked back I realized I had chased it too far."

Joon grinned, shaking his head. Tae's finger poked his dimple.

"You should be more careful, Taehyungie. You can end up too far from home in one of these wild chases."

"I will be better," he murmured. Namjoon put him down on the floor of his bedroom. "I swear I will."

"You don't need to be better, Taehyung, you alre-" Namjoon frowned, his words getting cut.

"Hyung?"

The older boy let go of Taehyung, looking down. Tae howled when he followed his gaze. Blood gushed from the open wound on his stomach, the flesh sliced. It soaked Namjoon's clothes. He crumbled down. Taehyung fell with him, hands trying uselessly to cover the gruesome injure. His shrieks hurt his own ears, desperately asking for help, pleading for his brother to not leave him. But it was too late. He could not save him, he never could. Namjoon escaped from beneath his hands to where he could not be reached. He had no comforting words, no advices or hugs. Taehyung choked on his sobs, the pain was unbearable, physical, the sword that had took his brother ran through him as well. And then he saw it. The weapon that spilled Namjoon's blood - his blood -, blood that covered the hands that wilded it. Hands Taehyung recognized. That had caressed him, that had drawn paths over his body, that he had clutched in moments of pain.

"I'm sorry," Jeongguk whispered with tears in his own horrified eyes. The blade was dropped, "I didn't mean to, believe me. I am sorry, Taehyung."

And some part of Tae told him it was not real because he had already lived through that and Jeongguk wasn't there. He had not had the chance to hug his dying brother and to seek revenge on his murderer. But the rage and the hurt were too intense for it to not feel real. The blade had come to his hands somehow. He was holding it over his brother's injure as if he was his killer. Tae's gripped the handle and in an instant he was on his feet, closing in on his lover.

"What did you do?!" He marched up to Jeongguk who cried pathetically, shrunk against the wall

"Forgive me, please," he begged.

"You did this! You killed him! You took him away! You made me-" his voice broke down, the anger preventing him from speaking.

"Please, Taehyung," the emperor raised a hand to touch him, an attempt to make amends.

Tae was faster. Jeongguk cringed over the sword as it went through his chest mercilessly. Suddenly they were not at Taehyung's house anymore. Namjoon was gone. It was just the two of them in his chambers at the palace. And Guk was dying at his hands. Taehyung realized what he had done and pulled the sword back immediately. The emperor dropped to the ground, too weak to sustain himself. Color was fading from his face, contrasting to the dark red that covered him. Taehyung crawled to his side, holding him.

"No! No, please, Gukkie, stay with me." His head was throbbing with the excessive crying. "Please, stay with me, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Tears brimmed in Jungkook's eyes, the stars that used to be there blown out.

"I love you, Taehyung," he muttered, almost inaudible. Tae cupped his pale cheeks, bringing his face closer.

"Do not dare to do this to me! Not you too!"

"I'm sorry," he whimpered, not seeming to hear Taehyung's pleas. His body was limp on his arms, the vigor that he was familiar with gone.

"I did not want this! I do not want to hurt you! I swear, Guk! I- I cannot be without you," his confession was overdue. It could not end that way, it was not fair. "I don't want to. Don't leave me, please."

"Forgive me," was all he had to say. Taehyung cried convulsively, head falling over his fast pulsing pome. He heard Jeongguk's own breathless sobs, small hiccups that seemed followed by excruciating pain. "I want- I wanted to make you happy."

Tae's trembling dirty fingers covered his lips.

"Sh-sh. You did. Don't speak, Guk. Don't make anymore effort. You'll be alright. I will take care of you, I promise."

"Stay with me."

"I will. I won't leave again."

Jeongguk's lips seemed to try to curl perhaps to place one last kiss on his skin, but Taehyung could never be sure. He stopped shaking. The doors were busted open. In came the soldiers without a king. Tae paid them no mind, still clinging to the lifeless body as if his hold could keep the emperor there.

There was no moment to grieve. The warriors ripped him away from his lover, chaining him down as Taehyung brokenly called for the one who had left him. And he never responded. They dragged him across the palace's stone ground, getting him nearly skinned. And it was only the beginning.

He felt every ounce of pain as the soldiers picked him apart demanding answers, names he could not give, motivations he couldn't explain. The thought of the bowl of the bitter tea had completely vanished, reality was twisted around him, the agony was real. And then they finally stopped.

Shackles closed around Taehyung's neck and wrists, tight enough to hurt. He was thrown against the top of the stairs, a foot stepping on his back so he couldn't stand. The crowd demanded his head. Taehyung was dead already. He saw Seokjin approach, with a crown on his head. A malicious grin was on his lips, seeing the defeated boy. The sun reflected on the sharp sword he raised above his head. Taehyung lost the ability to pray. The blade was a breeze, lasting a mere second.

Pitch black darkness. Taehyung forced his sight, but he couldn't see anything. He attempted to run, however he hit a thick wall, falling on the floor with a thump. He got back on his feet, testing the other sides, but there was always a barrier to stop him from moving. He couldn't get anywhere. He wasn't sure there was somewhere to reach. All he heard was his own raspy voice. He called and called to no answer. Tae didn't need to see to know he was trapped in a cage and that it was shrinking around him. His feet confirmed his suspicions when they suddenly hit the side of the box as it became smaller and smaller. He threw useless punches at the solid structure, feeling himself be slowly crushed.

His eyes popped open. Taehyung once more felt the liquid coming up his throat. He rolled on his side, letting it out. He was burning up, body trembling. His thoughts were still turve, eyes slowly focusing on the ceiling. Was he alive? Even breathing was a challenge.

"Taehyung?"

He turned his head, finding Yoona on her knees where he last remembered seeing her. He pressed at his eyeballs, inhaling deeply.

"I am back."

"Oh, thank the gods," she relaxed, slouching next to him, "how are you feeling?"

"Strange," it was an euphemism, however Tae didn't have the energy to elaborate, "was it as quick as it felt?"

Yoona nodded, thinning her lips. They had the same in mind,

"But each ritual is singular," she tried to ease him, "you know that."

"Yes."

But Taehyung felt as if he had not reached anything. His fingers brushed through his hair as he tried to recover everything he saw, to make sense of the spiral of horrors he had experienced.

"What was it like?" Yoona asked.

"A nightmare. The realest one I have ever experienced."

"I was scared. Your screams... I had to hold you down at moments to prevent you from hurting yourself. It was anguishing to hear ."

Maybe he really was not ready for it after all.

"Thank you, for your help, Yoona."

The ground was not all too solid beneath him. It was quiet as he regained control of his body, reconstructing the blurry images in his head. Jeongguk and him and death. A small part of him still resented the emperor. It was not fair to his Jeongguk who had earnestly given him his heart, exposed his wounds and trusted him. Who loved him. Taehyung could not give all of him to the other. Perhaps the gods were telling him, as Yoongi also had, that they were better off apart.

Yoona and him cleaned the mess up. Well, she did more than him. Tae was still stumbling on his mushy legs. Nonetheless, he had trouble to sleep, taking long to succumb to exhaustion. Questions haunted him. Was it a divine message, a sign? Or were his fears talking, twisting his reality? Should he forget about Jeongguk? Or forget what he saw? Geshi was supposed to bring answers and clarity, not more doubts, he must have done something wrong. Maybe none of it should be taken into consideration.

Came morning and Yoona was at his door. She let herself in, a tray with a cup and fruits on her arms.

"Are you awake?"

"Yes," Tae yawned, stretching his arms, "had a rough night."

"I imagined it. Hope you are feeling better now, though. I brought you breakfast."

He hummed, not feeling the slightest hunger. She placed the tray on his bedside table and opened a crack between his curtains, allowing sunlight in.

"I appreciate it, but I'm still feeling a bit sick," he explained.

Tae noticed the bruises in his arms, results of the harsh ritual. There was dried blood on his hands from the injure his nails had done there. Yoona had not exaggerated.

"I wanted to check how you were doing."

"My head is a bit heavy and I'm still trying to understand it all," he brought his knees to his chest, "it was lot."

She nodded at the ground, hands on her waist.

"Can I sit?"

"Go ahead."

Yoona sat down on the spot over his covers he had left free, straightening her skirt. Tae took the glass of water from the tray, waiting for her to say whatever she had to.

"Taehyung, I... I heard a few things yesterday that had me thinking..."

"About?" He asked before sipping.

"I have been thinking that-" she leaned closer so only he could hear, "that you love him."

Taehyung's heart went to up to his throat, as did the water. He choked, coughing violently. What had he said?! He hadn't even thought about that possibility, it was dumb of him to not consider he might say more than he should. He blinked his wide eyes in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"Jeon Jeongguk." She knew it. Tae mouthed a curse, throwing his head back. "You love him, don't you?"

"No!" He huffed. It wasn't a lie, it really wasn't. "No, of course not."

"I heard you, Tae. You screamed for him. A lot."

"Well, I was under the effects of Geshi," he fended, "i-it tricks us. None of it was real, neither was whatever I said. You are confusing things."

"You don't need to lie to me," Yoona moved closer, grabbing his hands in a quick movement that startled him, "I understand you, Tae. I- I love Eunwoo," she confessed timid, "I thought it was mad of me to fall for him, he is one of them, but you are the same."

Taehyung let out a small "oh", mouth round like his eyes. Her hopeful smile ached in him. She just wanted someone to say her feelings were not wrong, that she should not blame herself. He understood it better than he ever wished to.

"We are not the same, Yoona, because I do not love Jeongguk," he explained, biting his lip, "I do not judge your feelings for Eunwoo, - if you love him and him you, then I wish you two the greatest happiness - but as far as mine are concerned you should forget whatever you think you heard."

"I think he might. Love me, I mean." She released her hands from his. "He kissed me, on the lips. No one in the city would have. You know what they thought of me... But Eunwoo is not like them."

The familiarity of that had Tae disconcerted.

"You should let him know how you feel."

She shook her head.

"I am just a servant."

"Believe me, if he loves you, he does not care."

"Did you tell Jeongguk about your feelings?" Yoona questioned incisive. She was convinced. "Does he reciprocate them?"

Taehyung sighed, slipping further under the blanket.

"It can never be. It is not the same as you and Eunwoo. Forget it."

"Why not?"

"Because he is the emperor."

"You just said this things do not matter-" she protested exasperated.

"There is a lot at stake. He must marry a princess who can give him heirs and secure his throne. That is his fate."

And Taehyung had no place in it. The words - Yoongi's words - tasted bad on his tongue. Yoona frowned.

"Are you conforming, Taehyung?"

"I am accepting the truth."

"So you are not as changed as I thought you were."

The disappointment in her voice was the same shown in Tae's own expression.

"It is hard to change," he mumbled, frustrated with himself, "but forget about me, you and Eunwoo have a chance, do not waste it."

"You do too. You have just decided not to fight for it."

"Then don't be like me."

Both crossed their arms like petty children.

"The gods put him in your life for reason."

Those words boggled Tae. He eyed her, expecting to see some trace of mockery, but Yoona was serious.

"You think they are behind this?"

"Don't you?"

"No," his frown became deeper as he considered the possibility, "no, Jeogguk subjugated our people."

"Isn't it a little selfish, not to mention immature, to think they would only ever favor us? They can see further and wider than us. I believe there must be a reason to all that has happened even if we cannot comprehend it. And I will not reject it. I do not want to reject my feelings. You shouldn't either."

His mouth hang agape. The more he reflected on it, the less absurd it sounded. It really was arrogant of them to deem themselves superior in the eyes of beings as powerful as the gods. It was ridiculous to presume they could know their reasons and judge them. Maybe it was not that the divinities did not care, as he had thought, maybe Taehyung was simply ignorant. He had traveled to find answers, but if anything that trip had made him more confused.

Taehyung was tired of questioning himself. He was growing tired of hiding too. A small voice in his head told him he was stalling. Yet in his den everything seemed a little simpler. There were no politics, threats or power play to worry about. No Jeongguk either. Running away was easier than dealing with his feelings. He kept expecting a sign, something to inspire him to move. The "little push" came a lot stronger than he desired.

It was not hard to notice something important was happening at the city when the people in the streets began to whisper to each other. Taehyung picked up on their change of behavior quickly, walking closer to a circle of old ladies that were passing the information on. The word "messenger" was enough to have him rush to the main street. The rumors were verified by the gallops of a dashing horse, a boy with war attire was curved on top of it, seeming near to faint. Tae imagined he had been on that horse for almost the entirety of the past days. The soldier seemed vaguely familiar or maybe he was seeing things he wished. But when he passed closer to Taehyung the details of his armor could be seen for a brief moment. Those he had definitely seen before. He ran to Eunwoo's house hoping it was the destination of whatever words were coming from the capital, wondering if they were to him.

The horse was already resting by Eunwoo's door, mouth dipped into a bucket of water, when Taehyung got there. He wiped the sweat of his forehead with his sleeve and walked inside with false serenity, rehearsing how he could ask for news without coming off too noisy. However, the boy was nowhere to be seen. Tae went to the kitchen, huffing with the wasted physical effort.

"He went straight to Eunwoo's office," Yoona informed when she heard him pacing, as if she had just read his mind.

"Ah," he wilted. So many scenarios created in his head and the soldier was probably there just to discuss taxes. He had been the one to ask Jeongguk for time. He shouldn't be waiting for him to send anything.

The kitchen smelled to the soup he was used to eating in days when the temperature dropped like that one. He sat on a creaky chair, listening to Yoona teach the new girl she was training to work in the house alongside her. It made him realize how long he had been there.

"I think the tea is ready," the apprentice informed, peaking at the kettle.

Yoona hummed in agreement. Tae watched her pour the tea into the delicate porcelain cups with perfection.

"How do you know when it's enough?" He questioned.

She shrugged, picking the platter up.

"Everything in life is a matter of practice."

It was, wasn't it? All that Taehyung had learned to be, the customs he had, the taste for certain foods he held, the beliefs he carried, it was all a matter of practice, the way he had been brought up. The only thing he didn't learn was Jeongguk. Yet he seemed to know him by heart. It was unexplainable. He thought a lot more about him when they were apart. He imagined how his day was going, if he was resting enough, if he had kept on practicing his writing, if he thought about him as well. It was a funny way to keep him close. The distance had not had the effect he had expected.

"Are you alright, unnie?"

Tae turned to where the other girl was looking at. Yoona was frozen at the door, hands empty. He hadn't even noticed she was back already. Her face was deathly pale.

"Yoona?"

She did not reply, going back to her spot by the oven in mechanical movements. Tae wrote it off as her probably spilling tea over Eunwoo and being embarrassed, but there was a sting in his gut that told him there was more to it. He grabbed a book to keep distracted, having read about 29 pages before the talk finally ended. Eunwoo and the unknown soldier came down the corridor, talking about administration matters and how the rice production was doing well.

"Kim Taehyung?" Someone called.

Taehyung's head snapped up from the boring story. The messenger waited outside the kitchen, rubbing his nape.

"It's me."

He approached and Tae could see his poor state, eyes red due to the lack of sleep. He took a letter out of his bag. There was a red seal keeping it closed. Taehyung's surprised gaze went from the paper to him.

"I was told to give you this."

Tae accepted the offering, the corners of his mouth curved upwards.

"Thank you."

He was absorbed in the fragile piece of paper in his hands, fingers roaming over it, searching for any clue of what was inside, for a confirmation it was from who he wanted it to be. Tae jumped up from his seat, deciding whatever it was it should be appreciated privately. He shut his bedroom door, leaning against it as he broke the seal with a movement as fast as his pounding heart. A beam lit up his face.

It was a graffiti drawing of him, a portrait of his profile. A little rough around the edges, some smudges here and there, but to Taehyung  it was certainly the most precious piece of art he had laid eyes on. In the image he was looking away, seeing something no one else could. Hand held his chin, fingertips between his teeth, lost in thought. There was a small signature beneath it. Tae touched the drawing of the word swayed by emotion. Jeongguk. His Guk. He had been thinking about him just as much, keeping his presence near, drawing him. Tae didn't know he could draw so well. There was so much he wanted to know about him. Jeongguk always had a surprise. The yearning was intensified, swelling
inside his chest. Nevertheless, he had a smile from ear to ear, making his cheeks hurt in the best way.

"Tae?" He heard Yoona call outside. Lunch was probably served.

He folded the paper again, putting it beneath a book on his drawer.

"Yes?" Tae went to the door, but before he could open it, Yoona was already barging inside. The action shocked him. "What happened? Are you feeling well?"

She shook her head, twisting her fingers.

"I think you were not supposed to hear about it, Tae, but I believe you have a right to know."

Taehyung's every muscles tensed.

"Tell me, please."

"You see, I am not entirely certain about it," she started, "Eunwoo hasn't told me anything, I only heard bits and pieces when I went to serve them tea-"

"Yoona," he cut her short, too anxious to wait.

She gulped, forcing herself to stop the nervous movement.

"Apparently there has been a new attack to our borders. "

"What?!" Tae gasped, the temperature dropping at an alarming rate.

"I could not hear the details!" She added, hearing his distress, "Just that a new troop was being organized and that Eunwoo should be prepared to fight."

Taehyung's head spun. He plopped down on his bed, massaging his aching neck, trying to dissolve the knots that were tight there even though he knew nothing could ease him.

"For the love of the gods..."

"I'm terrified, Tae," Yoona confessed amid shivers, "from what I could hear it sounds serious. Do you think there is more war coming to us?"

"I don't know. I honestly hope this is not the case." His nails were coming down to the flash as he bit them compulsively, "I must go."

"Go where?"

"Back to Jinse," he replied without thought, only realizing the meaning of those words after they had been said. Yes, that was right. There was somewhere he had to be. Someone he had to be with. "Jeongguk needs me. He must be dealing with a lot. He needs a friend, I mean," he fixed it quickly, realizing his slip up, "by his side."

Yoona had a knowing grin.

"You don't need to try to fool me, Taehyung. And you needn't worry either, your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you," he muttered, sick of the disguises.

"Don't mention it. And I agree that you should go to him."

Yoona helped him pack his light baggage. Neither of the two managed to speak, the new threat hanging over their heads, weighing them down. They had seen enough death for a lifetime. Tae was slightly bitter considering that Jeongguk wanted to keep him in the dark. He had thought their relationship - if it could even be called such - to be built on trust. Yet Guk treated him as if he was made of porcelain and could not deal with the hardships. Perhaps he didn't want it to influence Taehyung's decisions or he wished to keep him away from that chaos, but Yoona was correct, he had the right to know.

He refused every possible company Eunwoo offered him, sure he could find the way back on his own. He did not want to be delayed as he looked for an escort. Every step seemed longer than he remembered it being, the travel was endless. Taehyung did not want to rest. He did not want to stop and wonder what fearsome scenery he would meet back in the palace. Guk was pressured, he knew it. He could imagine the vultures circling him, wanting every last piece of the emperor. It was too much for someone to face alone. So Tae focused all his energy on getting back to his side as fast as he could.

The gates to the city were closed when he came upon them. It was unusual sight, which only heightened his concern. A group of soldiers set watch on the towers that were adjoined to it. Taehyung felt their glares on him, arches on position to strike any enemies. Nevertheless he rode closer, throwing his head back to face them.

"Open the gates!"

"Aye!" One of them yelled back, when Taehyung pulled his horse reins, stopping at the dead end, "Who are you? What is your purpose here?"

"I am Kim Taehyung," he yelled back, "now open the gates."

He squinted, raising his hand over his eyes to divert the sun and watch the group discuss, surely questioning his arrogance to make demands. They spared him a glance here and there. It took a few breaths before they resigned, letting him through. Maybe his name did carry weight.

The city seemed normal at surface, but Tae felt its fear, even if he could not see it. It wasn't as lively as he recalled. Beneath the masks of calm there was an affliction he was acquainted with, shared by all in quick murmurs and worried looks. His stomach churned the more he thought about it. He didn't stop until he was at the heavily guarded entrance of the palace.

Tae jumped off his horse, mustering the scrapes of energy he had left to run around the hallways he knew so well already, crossing from one wing to the other, to where Jeongguk called to him.

"Taehyung?!" He heard Jimin shout somewhere behind him, but Tae was a flash, sprinting past his friend with the goal that had kept him up at night in mind.

Where was he? Was he at the training centre? Maybe with the council? Maybe he had gone to the sea to contemplate? Was he at his chambers, perhaps? It was still quite early. The corridor of the royal chambers was empty. Perfect. No one to stop him anymore. Tae pushed the doors open, not bothering to ask for permission. His smile cracked. Guk wasn't there. His bed was perfectly made. He had probably been up for a long time. Maybe he didn't sleep at all. Of course he would be pushing himself to the limit. He was probably too anguished to sleep. Taehyung turned around, slightly disappointed, and closed the doors again. Jimin was coming towards him, face red as he puffed.

"Kim Taehyung! Can't you simply walk?"

"I'm sorry," he chuckled, but the days of poor rest were catching up to him, turning his limbs and lids heavy, "I came back as fast as I could. I heard the news..."

"You did?" He pouted, eyes going round, "How come? Guk asked-"

"I know he did, but he was wrong. I should be aware of it. It concerns me too, Jimin. And I found out."

Jimin nodded, putting his hands on his shoulders.

"I agree with you, but please understand his side. Don't be mad at him."

"I am not mad. I am here, aren't I?"

Jimin grinned, pulling him in for a hug,

"I am happy to have you back, Tae. I missed you. We both did."

"I'm happy to see you as well," he smiled softly, squeezing Jimin's hand, "we have a lot to talk about, but I need to speak to Guk first. Where is he?"

"Tae, he-"

"I bet he hasn't been resting properly-"

"Tae." Jimin's stern voice made him shush. The gloomy look in his eyes complemented it, making Taehyung queasy.

"Where is he?" He asked again out of breath.

"He... He had to go. I tried to stop him, to keep him here, but... Well, you know him."

"Jimin."

"He is at the battlefield, Tae."

Notes:

Aaaaa I really should stop making promises! But here is the chapter I had mentioned on my last end notes, albeit a little late. What did you think of it? What were your thoughts on Tae's hallucinations? And the cliffhanger? Come talk to me, please, I love talking to you! See you soon 💕

Chapter 30

Taehyung's legs faltered. The visions of Jeongguk perishing in his arms polluted his mind, fear clogging up his lungs. Despite not having had a decent meal in days he felt nauseous.

"What?"

"He left a few days ago with more soldiers," Jimin explained, stroking his arm soothingly, "he is fine, Tae, worry not."

"Worry not?!" Taehyung repeated aggrieved, "How can I not worry when he is risking his life? It is a battlefield, Jimin, people go and they don't come back. I need to go to him, I-"

"Jeongguk knows what he's doing," he insisted, keeping the forcibly calm tone, "you know him, how skilled he is. I wish he had stayed here safe too, but it is what it is. Trust him."

"Why didn't you go with him?"

Jimin's full lips faded into a thin line. His frustration to have been left behind was palpable.

"Guk asked me to be his regent. Things are tense... A few of his allies didn't answer his call to arms. It has been quite challenging lately, you know it. We agreed it was better for me to stay here presiding over the council."

"What do you mean they did not answer?" Tae frowned.

"They broke their oath, Taehyung." Anger surfaced on Jimin's usually soft features. "Refused to come to his aid when he needed, to serve."

"Why?"

"I have been trying to find out," he rubbed his neck, "Yoongi thinks someone has informed them about the problems at court, going behind Jeongguk's back. Letters have been sent and after the battle Guk will go speak to them and solve this, not much more that can be done now. We have a more pressing concern, Tae: you look terrible."

Taehyung hugged himself, recoiling at his evaluation.

"That was not nice."

"Have you eaten?" Jimin cupped his cheeks, "Have you even slept?"

He turned away.

"I was focused on getting back here as quickly as possible. And I still need to get to Jeongguk. Where are the troops?"

Jimin's hands went to his hips.

"You should stay."

"Jimin-"

"It is an active battlefield. Guk cannot protect you there. He won't want you to put yourself in such risk."

"I am not going to stay here with arms crossed while the man I- While Jeongguk is there, risking his life."

"I know, but-"

"Wouldn't you want to be next to Yoongi, if you had the choice?"

Jimin sulked.

"This is not fair."

"I am going, Jimin," he stated with unbreakable resolve, "you can be my friend and help me, or I will find another way, but I am going to him."

Taehyung's stubbornness had him visibly annoyed.

"Fine," he sighed crossed, "I promise I will tell you everything, but only after you eat something and rest, Taehyung. You will get there tomorrow night, I assure you. Take a moment to recover your strength."

"Alright," Tae abided, aware despiste his keenness he wouldn't last another day traveling the way he was.

Jimin indicated Jeongguk's bedroom with his chin.

"I'm sure he would not mind." He opened the door of the empty room for Tae. "Sleep a little, I'll have a meal prepared for you."

He watched him like a hawk, certifying he would actually go to bed before leaving. Tae sat over Guk's immaculate covers, smoothing the fur. It brought him strange comfort. It was the closest he had gotten to him in so long. He curled beneath the sheets, searching for a trace of him in it. His scent was embedded in the pillow. Or maybe it was just part of Taehyung already.

When he came back to his senses it had gone dark. The lack of sunshine startled the anxious Taehyung. Had he slept the whole day? And yet he still felt tired. The pause on his frenetic rhythm let the pain and the exhaustion catch up to him. There was a jar of water and a metal cup on the bedside table. Tae chugged the liquid down, easing his dry throat, hoping it would also help his head stop throbbing. He let himself rest for a little longer, not having the courage to move any further than that. He was late anyway and Jeongguk should be resting at the moment too. The next day he would be ready to go. After a while a servant came in to check his state. He helped Tae bathe and look closer to a human again. Jimin appeared later, bringing supper with him.

"You should not have let me sleep this much," Tae complained when the boy sat across from him.

"You needed it, Taehyung. Tomorrow you can leave early and you will reach the camp before sun rises again." He poured some wine for Tae. "How have you been doing? Guk said you went back to the valley of Ahreum."

Tae nodded, looking down at the full chalice. It reminded him of the ritual he had faced days prior.

"I wanted to go home... I thought it would bring me clarity on some matters. Did not work, though."

"Why not?"

"It is not the place it used to be," he shrugged, disguising his melancholy, "I am not the one I used to be as well. Going there showed me so."

Tae took a sip from his cup, enjoying the taste. Jimin drank it up in one swift movement.

"Have you..." Taehyung started, "Have you ever thought about going back to your city?"

The contour of a vein popped on Jimin's neck as he clenched his jaw. Tae reprehended himself for his carelessness.

"Why would I to go back? The circumstances are very different."

"Yes, I am sorry. I should not have asked."

"It is fine," he waved it off, "we all have different ways of dealing with our pain."

"Indeed. In that sense the trip was positive, it helped with the process of acceptance I think."

"I'm glad."

"And around here?" He raised a brow. That question had kept coming into his mind during the time apart. "What happened while I was away?"

"He missed you," Jimin confided, "a lot."

The yearn in his chest intensified, growing sizes, forcing his ribs.

"It was mutual," he assured with a low voice. "If I had come back-"

"You wouldn't have stopped him from going."

"I could have."

"There are things that cannot be prevented." Jimin insisted, putting a stone over his remorseful thoughts. "He would have made the same decision. Not everything depends on you, Taehyung, no need to feel guilty."

Tae accepted his words with a small nod, repeating them in his head. His hand grabbed Jimin's smaller one.

"I missed you as well. Talking to you..."

Smiles turned Jimin's eyes into crescent moons. Taehyung considered it a very charming feature. Jimin was a charming person, easy to feel comfortable around.

"We grew used to your presence. It is very remarkable. As soon as you were gone we felt the void, we missed you."

"I felt it too. I caught myself wanting to be back many times."

"Honestly, though, from an angle it was better to stay there. I told you the situation is delicate here. The political issues are a never ending source of concerns. This loss of allies was a harsh blow to Guk."

Taehyung sank, a weak sigh leaving his lips.

"I wish I could have been here for him."

"I have been so worried about him, Tae." It was a muttered confession, a fear the other had been suppressing. "And about the kingdom. I try to keep positive for him because I know this is what he needs, but it is difficult sometimes."

"I know. Do not put so much pressure on yourself, Jimin. You are a great friend, but you're also human. Guk is lucky to have you. And Yoongi."

"And you too."

"And me," Tae confirmed, smiling faintly. "We can help him overcome these difficulties. And when we win these traitors will come running to kiss Guk's feet for forgiveness."

"We have a struggle to face until then."

"There will always be a struggle. It is just the way life is."

The two finished eating, trying to divert the conversation to lighter subjects. After the meal, Jimin let him know about his upcoming journey, where he could find Jeongguk, what provisions he should take, how he would go to the camp.

Tae enjoyed the renovating night of sleep, wanting his full strength to face the challenges ahead. He was up with the sun the next morning. Jimin had almost everything he needed ready for him. He clung to Taehyung, one attempting to encourage the other.

"Thank you for the help."

Min brushed his hair and tightened the knot of his tunic.

"Anytime. I hope I can make two requests in return?"

"Of course."

"Please be careful there, Tae. And please deliver this to Yoongi."

Jimin slipped him an envelope, a cute bow tied around the paper. Tae put it inside his bag, next to the drawing Jeongguk had sent him. It felt appropriate.

"I will do both. We will all be back very soon."

"I know. Until then my thoughts will be with you. I am not religious like you, but believe me, I will be asking every possible entity to look after the three of you."

"I will be hoping things are fine here as well. Till we meet again, Jiminie."

"Till we meet again."

Tae exchanged one more grin with him, before getting on his horse to leave the palace once more. The exhaustive journey of the past days continued after the oasis.

Jimin was correct in his prediction, it only took Taehyung two days of traveling to get to the camp. Thick smoke, likely from a bonfire, was the first sign of the army he saw. They had set camp near a forest, trees casting a protective shade over their tents. Taehyung's lips curved up with the promise of a meal, a blanket and meeting Jeongguk. He fastened his pace, motivation renewed.

He jumped off his horse and quickly tied the animal to a branch. Fireflies illuminated the last steps of the way and if it wasn't for the circumstances Tae would be seduced to stop to appreciate the beautiful scenery. Some chatter could be heard from afar, but he imagined most of the men had gone to sleep already. Jeongguk had to be awake. Or else Tae would wake him up.

It was a vast collection of tents as far as his eyes could see in the weak light, not much different from what he remembered of the camp they had set on the valley. Only it seemed bigger. Taehyung snuck around, trying to find the fancier tent that would surely belong to the emperor. Someone gripped him before he could. Tae yelled instantly, punching the person in a hostile reflex. The soldier lost balance for a moment, stepping back. Another one invested against him, kicking Taehyung to the ground. He felt a boot on his spine when he tried to get up.

"It is an informer!" The one Taehyung fought accused. "Snoopping to tell them about us!"

"I am not!"

But he was ignored. The pair got hold of him as he tried to explain the situation in vain.

"I need to get to Jeongguk, he will tell you-"

"More respect when you speak of the emperor, vermin!"

"He knows me!" He protested, glaring at them. His head was smacked down.

"Sure he does. He will know what to do with you."

Taehyung was dragged towards the bonfire where the concentration of people seemed to be. The murmurs intensified the closer they got. The two unexpectedly pushed Taehyung. He fell down once more, the hood going over his eyes. Pain throbbed on his knees. Tae anticipated the bruise he would find there.

"What is happening?"

Seokjin's voice had his teeth gritting, curses going through his head. The humiliation was too much. Taehyung did not doubt he was capable of telling the others he was indeed an enemy

"We caught this invader trying to sneak inside the camp."

They pulled Taehyung's hood back, provoking a few gasps out of the watchers.

"It's Kim Taehyung!"

It fueled the talks. Kim Taehyung? Where did he come from? What was he doing there? The soldiers walked closer, moved by curiosity. Seokjin's eyes widened for a moment before they narrowed as he started laughing.

"Let him go."

No more orders were necessary. The voices quieted when his arms were freed from the hold of his guards. Heads lowered, but Taehyung immediately looked for him. A gust of emotion unbalanced him as he registered every striking trace of the man he had been longing to see. Jeongguk's eyes sparkled, just as he remembered, possibly even more, mesmerized by what they saw. Words hid in them, questions, warnings, confessions. The rest of him said nothing at all. He had a deep cut over his brow, jaw swollen, yellowing, a patch sticking out on his shoulder, just a few of his visible bruises. Taehyung felt the injuries in his own body. He had never been as desperate to reach out his hand.

"What are you doing here?" Guk asked flat. Tae gulped, heart clenching with the dry reception even if he knew there was nothing they could at the moment. "Were you hurt?

"I'm fine. Jimin sent me," he answered the first excuse to come to his mind, "from Jinse."

"Did he? What for?" Seokjin questioned.

Taehyung's fingers curled as he tried to conjure an answer. A light came to him.

"He- He asked me to deliver this to the emperor."

Tae searched his bag, taking the slightly crumpled piece of paper Jeongguk had sent him from inside it. His hands shook as he extended it to his lover, sharing a gaze that attempted to communicate all he had swallowed. Their fingers brushed for an instant. Guk slipped away. Tae brought his hand back to his chest, the air particularly cold.

"I see. Thank you."

Tae looked down, not standing the distant treatment as he urged to touch him.

"Then he can go now," another soldier stated, "no strangers should be allowed inside the camp."

"He is not a stranger," Jeongguk argued, fixated on Taehyung.

"He is not a soldier either. And he is still under suspicions..."

"Let him rest," a known voice replied. Park Bogum was there with a splint on his arm, "poor man has faced a long way."

"There is no space for him," another one meddled.

"We will find room," Jeongguk determined, "we should be grateful for his service."

"Well, where do you suggest putting him, sir?" A young one snickered. "Or are you offering your tent?"

Taehyung's blood boiled, the vile insinuations made him red against his will. He looked down, wanting the hood to hide him from the curios stares.

"Quit talking about me as if I am not here," he demanded, inhaling a deep breath, "I don't need a tent, I can perfectly sleep outside."

"He can stay in mine."

His eyes rounded when Yoongi stepped ahead, owning up to that offer.

"What?" Guk raised a brow, surprised too.

"I am not sharing, there is plenty of space. Find him a blanket and a mat and he will be fine."

"Very well," he stated before there could be more arguments, "Taehyung stays with general Min."

Tae couldn't tear his eyes away from Guk. Having him at his reach had his pulse fast enough to make him dizzy. Yet the emperor was untouchable. Yoongi startled him when he grabbed his shoulders to bring him back to his feet. Once the argument was over the observers began to disperse. Jeongguk however remained oblivious to the diaspora, overwhelmed by Taehyung's presence.

Tae kept glancing at him over his shoulders as Yoongi pushed him away, murmuring for him to move. The moment the two stepped inside the general had an interrogation at the tip of his tongue.

"What are you doing here? How did you even find us, Taehyung? Are you insane?!"

"I needed to see him. When Jimin told me-"

Yoongi huffed, brushing his hair back.

"Jimin shouldn't have let you come."

"He cannot control my actions. I would have ended up here one way or another."

"You should have known better." Taehyung already felt familiar with his frown, brows furrowed in frustration at his stubbornness. "People will talk."

"They are already talking, Yoongi. Thank you for helping us tonight, but if you do not want to help anymore let me know and I'll find somewhere else to sleep at, but I am not leaving without him."

"I have to help, someone has to keep both of you fools safe after all."

A chuckle cracked through Taehyung's angst. Yoongi was a good servant, the kind he had aimed to be.

"Thank you, really."

He shrugged.

"I am just looking after him. I will find a way for him to come meet you or else that boy will not sleep tonight. The two of you..."

"I know coming here was risky, you are right," Taehyung relaxed his posture, making that concession, "but I need to be by his side in moments like these. You understand it."

"You will not hear me condoning your stupidity, if that is what you hope for, Taehyung. But since you are already here you better do something good and give him strength."

"I will try."

"And though it seems quite hard for you, stay out of trouble. That means no defying others, no breaking rules, no attempts to change Guk's decisions. Just stay put and support him. This is war, Taehyung, he has enough in his mind without having to worry about you. Understood?"

Tae confirmed it with a nod.

"I am here to help him, I promise."

Taehyung imagined by the crease on his lips that Yoongi wasn't convinced. However he knew Tae enough to be sure he had made his mind up to stay with Jeongguk and it would not be changed.

"I won't waste my energy arguing with you. You want to stay, fine. But behave."

"I will. I need to see him."

"Be patient. You can go to him later."

Taehyung controlled his desire, listening to his instructions. A mat was brought for him to sleep on, like the general had asked. Taehyung refused to lie down, even if his muscles begged for it. He wouldn't go to sleep without meeting Guk. Instead he sat next to Yoongi outside the tent. The man had a lamp besides him, using the light to carve a drawing on a stick. Part of it was completed, a work of days. It was quite marveling that he could turn something as trivial into a piece of art. The camp went to sleep little by little. Tae peered over at the large tent Yoongi had told him to be Jeongguk's, thinking of all he had to say to him.

"I nearly forgot!" Tae jumped up, the thought of Jimin's letter popping into his mind.

Yoongi raised a brow at him. He didn't explain, opting to show it to the other. He rushed to get his bag, sticking his hand inside to fish the piece of paper. His attempt at smoothing it was in vain, but crumpled or not, it did not matter. Yoongi's eyes widened interested when Taehyung got back to him with the letter.

"Jimin asked me to deliver this."

That information had him nearly rip the paper out of Tae's hands, eager to open it. Pages and pages were pulled out of the envelope. Only then he seemed to remember he was not alone.

"Go now."

"What?"

"To Jeongguk's tent. There is no patrol around, the others went to sleep. Go now."

Tae didn't need to be told again. He left Yoongi alone to read with pleasure. The emperor's tent was just a few steps away, distance he rushed through as his blood rushed in his veins, making his cheeks pink. Taehyung opened a crack on the fabric and slipped inside before anyone else stopped him. Jeongguk's sharp hearing caught his sounds and he turned  around defensively with a breath he lost when he realized who was the intruder. Time stretched as both seemed unable to react, until Guk ended the distance in a pull that had his body clashing against Taehyung's. Arms locked around his waist, face buried into his neck. Tae dug his fingers into his hair. He molded to every contour of Jeongguk, every depression and bump, and yet he didn't feel close enough. It wasn't enough to appease his heart. Jeongguk cocked his head back, cupping his face as he left pecks all over it.

"I can't believe you are here," he whispered, voice threatening to break with the slightest push.

"I promised I would come back to you, didn't I?"

"You should have waited at the palace," Guk reprimanded.

"I could say the same to you. But that wouldn't be either of us."

"I have a commitment that compels me to be here, Tae. You don't."

"You are here," Taehyung justified. The weight of those words had him shy, but he did not dare to look away. "I had to be by your side, Guk. I know you didn't want me to-"

"I did not say that."

"You tried to hide it from me," he complained, still a little upset.

"I knew if you heard about it, you would want to come here, Tae. I didn't want you to feel obliged to, or to be distracted from your personal journey. Besides, it is safer far from me."

"Well, I am not leaving, unless you come along."

"It is dangerous here."

"Precisely why I'm staying. I don't feel obliged, Jeongguk. I want to be here with you. Even before I heard the news, when I saw your drawing, I wanted to be with you. I was taking the time to think, but it turned out to be quite simple. I am not letting you face this storm alone. Or any storms," he added almost inaudible.

Caution abandoned him, driven away by Jeongguk. Those timid confessions slipped out of his tongue without control. Guk's forehead rested against Taehyung's, eyes anchored onto his abyssal ones.

"There was not a day I didn't hope it would be the one when you would come back."

"I am here now."

Jeongguk's mouth was his own when they kissed. Against the odds, stars aligned when they found each other, the universe moved in an unique way. Taehyung put his weight over the emperor, leaning on his chest. A small yelp to escaped from him. Tae moved back, seeing the regret on his beloved's expression for having let that little weakness show. The back of his hand caressed Jeongguk's bruised cheekbone as delicately as a breeze. The emperor shut his eyelids, pome moving with a gulp.

"How are you feeling?" Tae questioned worried. He knew Jeongguk would not respect his own needs. He would not allow himself to be vulnerable at such time. Nevertheless he wished to be his support, to look after him. "Are you in too much pain?"

He shook his head with a beam.

"Not at the moment."

"I want to help you," Taehyung whispered, kissing his broken features. Jeongguk did not feel any discomfort where his lips touched.

"Stay with me," his nose ran down Taehyung's cheek. His skin was soft like he remembered, same herbal perfume. He was scared the boy would fade away. "Tonight, this war, for life... Stay with me, Taehyung."

"I will," Tae replied spontaneously. His future seemed obvious when Jeongguk held him.

"I wish you could sleep here with me where you belong."

"It is too dangerous," he lamented, playing with his ears, "you know it. Everyone is alert. When we get back to the palace we can find a way, Gukkie."

"Gukkie," he repeated grinning foolish, "that is very endearing."

"You are dear to me," Tae declared, "more than you think."

Their eyelashes fluttered together. Jeongguk relished in him, wanting to be reminded of the taste of his kiss again and again, to keep it in his tongue even when they had to part. Taehyung lowered the straps of his garment, letting his tanned shoulders be seen, be grazed by his lover's mouth. He slipped his hands beneath Jeongguk, going over to the bow of his tunic to untie it.

"Tae?" His voice was hoarse, uncertain of what to make of that action, of wether his desires were confusing him.

"I want to be closer to you," he hushed, dominated by his feelings.

Jeongguk let himself be undressed of his armor, be exposed for his lover. Taehyung placed a palm over his pulse, heart pounding on the same rhythm as his. The last layer of fabric that separated them fell down at his feet, as did the emperor. Though he had sworn never to do so again, Jeongguk got on his knees. For Taehyung only he was devout. The word divine had been created for him.

The fears Tae had were overcome with Jeongguk. The emperor worshipped every spot of his skin, crawling underneath it. His dark eyes did not leave his, guiding him to unknown lands as the stars inside them burst. Taehyung felt the explosions too. He felt every point of contact, every sensation was a wave washing over him. They intertwined. A voice in his head insisted it had always been that way. Somewhere in the seams of time, the lines of their lives had been tied together in a knot impossible to be undone. He was floating upon Jeongguk and the immensity of those feelings. Taehyung had never felt so alive. For one precious moment only the two existed. One filled the other, no space for anything else. Their only concern was ending the distance.

Jeongguk did not let go of him even after he fell asleep. His steady breaths tickled Taehyung's neck, a harmony with the blowing wind and the crickets. Taehyung hummed content, tracing the scars of Jeongguk's back with the tip of his fingers, drawings he was becoming familiar with. He wished he did not have to move, that they could live in that separate world forever. But Tae knew even if Jeongguk had forgotten, even if he himself wanted to forget, that was not a possibility. Yoongi warned him, he couldn't stay there, the risk of being caught was not worth it. It took all his willpower to step out of bed and gather his clothes.

Yoongi still seated at the same spot outside their tent, curved over his knees. The fire of his lamp had almost extinguished. Taehyung snapped his fingers a couple of times, calling his attention. It took a moment for him to notice it. He waved his hand for him to come.

Tae laid on his mat, soaking on the sensation of being loved, being cherished, of having Jeongguk all over him. The sky was not so far, Taehyung felt himself light enough to grasp it if he reached out. He hugged himself overjoyed, completely relaxed, at least until the sun came out and that singular night ended.

Horns violently woke him up. Tae rubbed his dormant face, struggling to remember where he was. Running steps echoed on his ears, unintelligible orders going around. The past night flooded back, causing him to grin despite the problems. The tent was empty.

Soldiers prepared for combat when he stepped out, even if the sun had just come out. Swords were being sharpened, the metallic noise made Taehyung cringe. The butterflies that had been fluttering their wings inside him fell dead. Yoongi was nowhere to be seen. The breeze was chilly, inducing him to fold arms. Glances followed his steps as Tae explored the camp, too agitated to stay still. Park Bogum observed the surroundings like him, seating in front of his tent. Tae guessed he would not take part into that fight due to his injured arm. Men fixed their patches and stretched. Silence reigned among them. What did one even talk about before going to battle?

Taehyung halted. Jeongguk discussed something with other peers a few meters away. His brows furrowed in complete focus as one of them explained something, hands moving over a piece of paper. The crown made him unattainable. Tae resigned to stare at him, hoping it would be loud enough to get his disputed attention. Coincidence or not, it worked. Jeongguk raised his head, Taehyung capturing him as soon their eyes met. A beam glimmered on his gaze. The breeze didn't bother Taehyung anymore. The emperor shied away to soon, however, called back to his matters. Taehyung's smile dissolved. It was disappointing for a night as intimate as the one they shared to be followed by such morning. Tae should lower his expectations. If he would be with Jeongguk he had to know their relationship would be built on shared glances and hidden touches, like Jimin and Yoongi's. Never by his side.

The troops organized to leave for battle, marching in unison, a well trained mass. Many of them carried wounds of the previous days, but the rule seemed to be as long as they could yield a weapon they could fight. Emotions were wiped off their faces, one could not tell what turmoil was happening behind those masks of bravery as they gripped their swords. How much blood they had spilled, how much they were about to, how they felt about destroying other families and possibly their own, nothing seemed to get to them. War was their religion. Death was simply another ritual.

Jeongguk took the front, ready to lead them. Tae's heart clenched, knowing he was not immune to the peril and the sins. The emperor found him once more after an eager search. Taehyung wished he had imagined the premature apologies on his expression.

His stomach burned. Young faces popped in the crowd, bumping against him as he ran away. Only boys. It was not fair. Taehyung refused to look at them. He knew what it would turn into, how it ended. The same scene probably happened just before the slaughtering of his people. He didn't want to be reminded of it, or to imagine what fate awaited the ones around. At the end of the day Guk would be back. At the end of the day what would he have done?

Tae had to keep himself busy to not rip his hair out. Moans and whines disturbed him. They all came from the same long tent. The stench his nostrils caught was enough to tell him what was there before he even peaked inside. Dozens of fallen soldiers laid on mats, dirty bandages keeping them together. The same older lady that had cared for Taehyung at Jinse before was there, a boy and a girl aiding her. They ran around, trying to attend all of the cries at once. They were terribly young, probably terrified themselves with the situation. Not an eyelash was batted when Taehyung walked inside.

"Have you tried giving him something for the pain?" Tae questioned, seeing the girl shake as she struggled to clean a wound while the patient's thorn out leg convulsed.

"What?" She frowned at him. "Who are you?"

"Taehyung."

"Please," the soldier begged through his teeth. The girl looked from him to Tae, a little suspicious, but, more than anything, anguished.

"Can you make something, please? We have our hands full as you can see..."

Tae agreed, glad to be useful. He ran to the woods, searching for any herbs that would work as opiates. The study sessions at the greenhouse proved valuable.

"Do you need help?"

Tae lost his balance, falling on the dirt. Bogum struggled to breathe behind him. The walk there seemed to have drained his little energy.

"Sorry if I scared you," he added, "it took me a while to reach you. You are surprisingly fast, Taehyung."

"It is fine," Tae waved it off, crouching next to the tree roots, "you should rest."

Bogum snorted.

"I can't. I expect you to understand it."

"I do. I'm not hurt though."

"It is not right for me to do nothing here while my companions are fighting with one less person."

"It is not your fault."

"Yet I still feel guilty," he lamented, sitting down next to Tae. Taehyung tilted his head at him, stopping digging. "If I have the time to reflect on all this, it becomes too much to bare. I need to do something. Being on the field is despairing, but being on the sidelines can be even worse. We are funny creatures, aren't we?"

"We should do better," he ripped a root out.

"What do you mean?"

"Killing as if it is a sport. Is this the best we can do?"

"You have a wrong interpretation, Taehyung," he protestes, seeming a little offended, "most of us are here not for the pleasure of violence, but because we believe this is the best we can do. To protect what we love."

Taehyung reflected on it, unsure how he felt about that explanation. If he even believed it.

"Why are you here if you find it all so revolting?" Bogum questioned.

"Because the other option is even more maddening. War is the child of chaos, it messes with us all, and you are right, waiting is the worst part. At least here I can pretend that I have any power over the situation. I can see it once they are back. The best that I can do is to help relieve someone's pain." He plucked some flowers from the ground, gathering them in a small bouquet. "Why are you? What are you protecting?"

"I came because Jinse is home to all of us. All who had no other home. It is in our blood to fight for survival. The other option doesn't exist. Bein impotent while someone tried to destroy the empire is torture."

Tae empathized with his distress. He too had felt insignificant when his home was destroyed. He let Bogum enter in his illusion of power, giving the herbs for him to carry. The two went back to the improvised infirmary and Taehyung began his attempts at making the remedy. If he could do good for those people things would be a little better. He could make something flourish in that mud.

A breath of relief left his lips when the tea seemed to work its magic, diminishing the agonizing wails of the patients. His chest inflated with pride of himself. He spent the day looking after others, cleaning their wounds, giving them remedy, trying to ease his own afflictions by easing theirs. It made the wait bearable until the words he had been longing to hear finally took a weight off his sore shoulders.

"They are back!"

Taehyung dropped what he was doing the moment he heard it, nearly twisting his ankle when he sprinted out. People occupied the main path between the tent rows. Tae stuck his neck out, pushing away all obstacles in a obstinate quest for Jeongguk. He only stopped when he saw an entourage coming his way, too large for him to push through, specially not the way they marched keen. Yoongi was right in the front. His face and neck were red with blood, but he seemed oblivious to it. The herd neared with quick steps and he could glimpse what bound the group close. Taehyung's throat was strangled. They carried a stretcher. Someone. They carried someone that could not walk for himself. He ran against the wall of soldiers, not caring if he would have to climb over them. Yoongi restrained him. Taehyung went limp when he recognized that body, heart stopping.

Notes:

Hello :D
How are you? I'm excited and proud of this work. On the 13th of this month it completed a year since I started posting it on twitter! It really flew by, this baby has been part od my life for so long already, it is like my child. I hope you love it as much as I do.

I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I missed my characters too. I kept listening to "King and Lionheart" by Of Monsters and Men while writing it (Madstarlight's fault for saying it fit with the story) and it made me emo lol.

Things are intense. What did you think of it? Taekook's relationship took a big step, but they are facing some difficult challenges. I hope the cliffhanger didn't hurt you too much. Hang in there, I'll be back with more soon! Come talk to me in the comment section please, it makes me really happy!

Till we meet again 💕

Chapter 31

The stretcher carried an unconscious Jeongguk, ripped open by someone's sword. He saw red. Red clothes, red hands, red trail left when he passed. A rock was dropped on him, crushed his organs, broke his bones. Taehyung screamed his agony.

"Let me through!" A beast had woken in his guts moved solely by instinct. It had a single thought, "Let me see him! I need to see Jeongguk!"

"He is fine," Yoongi affirmed through his teeth, holding Taehyung down.

Taehyung tried to claw out of his arms, skin getting under his nails. He kicked his knees repeatedly with unmeasured violence. If it took a fight to reach Jeongguk he would face it. However, the general refused defeat, only tightening the cage he had built.

"Let me be with him!" Taehyung begged distraught, words lost in hiccups and sobs.

The others around avoided his flooded eyes.

"Please!" His yells competed with the sound of his fists against Yoongi's metal armor. Pain was not registered by his frantic mind. "I need to know how he is!"

Yoongi picked him up and yielded the possessed boy away from the group, deaf to his anguished pleas. The laments had every head turning their way. Taehyung did not acknowledge anyone. Only Jeongguk existed in the moment. Home was shattering, its shards rained on him.

Every step Yoongi took was a journey when Taehyung didn't stop twisting and fighting to be freed. He only got his wish when they reached the woods. The moment the general let go, Taehyung immediately swayed at him, ready to crush his skull.

"You said you would protect him!" He howled, launching Yoongi against a tree. Branches rattled when his back hit it harshly.

"I tried!" He fended, voice raising for the first time. He breathed with difficulty, his injures did not seem to have been cared for. A string of blood ran down his face.

"Well, you failed!" Taehyung choked up, throwing the knives bored into his being at someone else. "You failed him! He should have never been in this state!"

Yoongi's chin trembled, Tae's blow hit a nerve.

"I know," he accepted it, voice going hoarse, "and once he is conscious I will apologize to him. But I will not have you reprehending my mistakes after the scene you caused, Taehyung. You need to calm down or people will talk-"

"I don't care!" Tae snapped exhausted. He was tired of being separated from Guk, of being treated like an invader, a stranger. "Jeongguk is all I care about and he is hurt now! Damn whoever wants to say something about me, I do not care! I need to be by his side!"

His legs gave in, not able to withstand the heaviness of his heart anymore. Harsh winds rustled the leaves, dried his copious tears. Taehyung curled into himself, hugging his sides in a weak attempt of console. Jeongguk had no one there for him. The pain he was probably in... Taehyung wished he could take it all upon himself. He refused to lose someone else. It wasn't fair. Whenever he tried to stand, another wave drowned him. Currents changed with no warning. Could him and Jeongguk never be truly happy? For a moment Yoongi passively observed him clutch his throbbing chest, sinking in the fear. Then he sat beside Tae, sharing his melancholy.

"He has an injure, he is not dead, Taehyung. Jeongguk will be fine. He only needs to recover-"

"He won't rest," Tae shook his head, sniffing, "you and I both know him. He will want to fight even if he can't. Even if it is to die."

"He needs to be evaluated by the physician first," Yoongi's insistence on remaining calm had Tae more aggrieved, "and then we will know in what condition he is in. If he cannot fight, I will not let him."

Taehyung's teeth dug into his own forearm, blocking the cries from coming out. The persistent images of the ritual tortured him, a new whip every time he shut his eyes. He repeatedly smacked his forehead to expel the dreadful thoughts. Jeongguk would not die. He would not. Taehyung raised his head, seeing sorrow twin to his. Even if Yoongi hid it better, worry lingered on his eyes.

"If you calm down, I will take you to his tent," he proposed, "I promise no one will take you from his side, but you need to get control of yourself first."

Tae's shaking fingers promptly wiped the river on his cheeks, accepting the offer without protest. Yoongi really would fit well with the priests. His self control was enviable. Taehyung appeased his internal storm, standing stiff and determined. He had trained for years to not let emotions rule over him.

They marched to the emperor's tent where a crowd had gathered. Silence fell when they walked through. For the first time no soldier questioned Taehyung's right to be there. The outside vanished once he stepped in. It was unnervingly quiet, the stillness made him restless. A candle provided light for the ambient. The old healer was leaned over Jeongguk, keeping the man from Taehyung's sight. A vaguely familiar soldier stood besides the bed, hand resting over his sword as if still in battle. They never truly left. Tae swallowed his anguish and approached the pale figure beneath the sheets. Jeongguk was unconscious, but the swift movement of his chest brought him overwhelming joy. Relief overflowed into new tears. Taehyung thanked each of the gods for his breaths. Despite the wounds, he seemed peaceful.

"Your remedy works wonders," the healer said, not taking her eyes off of Jeongguk.

"How is he?"

"Stable," she said as she finished the large bandage on his waist, "he has a lot of fortune for his sake. It might take a while, but with proper rest and care he should recover."

"Can he fight, Sora-ssi?" The soldier questioned. Taehyung glared at him in response.

"His thigh was slashed, which obviously limits his movements, he has a puncture on his torso and lost a bucket of blood. This is no condition for the battlefield. I advise you to take him back to the palace where he can be more comfortable and receive better care."

Tae studied the asleep man, certifying he was fine, that the fears were unjustified. But Jeongguk was far from fine. Bruises covered his skin like a macabre version of the tattoos Taehyung had on his palms. Small moans accompanied every few inhales.

"I need to tend to the others. I trust you can look after him, Taehyung-ssi? I will leave you supplies."

Tae blinked at her, it took more effort than it should to piece together a proper answer.

"Yes. Yes, I can take it from here."

Taehyung occupied her spot on the bed when she left. He paid no mind to presence of others, clutching Jeongguk's hand the moment he had the chance.

At some point Yoongi and the soldier left too. He hadn't noticed when. All his attention was devoted to Jeongguk. He stirred a little from time to time, but ultimately went back to the healing slumber. Being impotent killed Taehyung. All he could do was play with Guk's hair, sing lullabies and pray, hoping any of those would make him feel better. They were intertwined, Jeongguk's suffering was his. He kissed his cheeks and his lips as he had done the night before in that same spot, wishing to turn back time. The attempts went unnoticed. His hand became dormant after so much time squeezing his. His lids grew heavier and heavier, tempted to close, but Tae refused to allow them to. He didn't want to doze off.

"Tae?"

Taehyung jolted completely awake. Two shiny dots peered at him, all the stars still there. His heart started beating again.

"You're alright," he exhaled grateful to be able to say it.

"I suppose," Guk muttered groggy, scratching his scalp, "what happened?"

"You were injured in battle. I do not know details, I only found out when I saw you... They carried you back in a stretcher, Gukie. I thought-"

His voice failed, refusing to say it.

"I'm fine," Jeongguk assured, bringing Tae's face closer, "no need to be scared."

"There was so much blood..." He was still able to visualize it, smell it, the memory enough to make him shudder. "I had no idea what state you were in and they didn't let me take a good look at you, no one told me what happened, what your injuries were... I got desperate and lost all reason. I did so wrong, Guk."

Taehyung rested his forehead against his jaw, frustrated with the way he had acted. Jeongguk's fingers threaded his locks.

"You are human, Tae. You are loyal and caring and you pulse with energy and fire. These are some of the aspects of you I love most. Don't be so harsh on yourself."

"I was weak," he muttered, "and impulsive. I should have held it in until I was alone, not break down in front of them."

"It is not a matter of weakness. A situation like this would distress anyone. I would have done the same had the roles been reversed."

Taehyung moved back so he could gaze at him. Jeongguk resembled a cracked porcelain doll, fragile, a morbid paleness around his bruises. The last thing he needed was someone who brought him more trouble.

"I don't want to put you in danger."

"I am not afraid. If it means I get to be with you, I can face whatever danger."

"Does living in a fight not get tiring, Guk?"

"It does," he admitted, tucking a strand of Taehyung's hair behind his ear, "some days more than others. But there are moments when it is all worth it. Tonight it is."

Tae smiled faintly, putting the apprehensions aside. Being together was a victory indeed, something to be valued. Jeongguk pulled him out of abysms.

"How are you feeling?"

"Alright. In a little pain, but nothing I cannot bear," he played it off with a shrug.

Taehyung knew it to be true. Jeongguk had faced much worse, been pushed to the human limits before, his scars told so. After the thorns he had walked on, he deserved to only trail a flower road. The past could not be rewritten, but Tae was his present.

"I know you are strong, but I am here for you, Jeongguk. You can lean on me. Please tell me if you need anything, if you feel any discomfort."

"I do not deserve you," he murmured, thumb brushing Tae's chin. Taehyung held his hand.

"Do not say that," he urged, "we are together for a reason, Gukie."

Jeongguk traced the counter of his jaw with an admired breath.

"If I ever believe in miracles it will be because of you, Kim Taehyung."

Tae kissed his chapped lips in a gentle caress, not putting any weight over him.

"Can you give me water, please?" The emperor mumbled, nose pushing his playfully.

"Of course, your majesty."

A jar and a cup had been left in the tent along to both used and clean towels and cleansing solution. Tae helped him sip the liquid, raising his head delicately so he had to move as little as possible.

"Better?" He asked, fixing his pillow.

"A lot."

"Do you need anything else? Are you in pain? I can give you more medicine or call Sora to take a look on you."

Guk shook his head, tapping the empty space besides him. Taehyung took shelter with him underneath the sheets, cautious when snuggling closer. He cherished the heat Jeongguk emanated. The emperor pecked his forehead.

"Thank you for looking after me."

"I did so little-"

"You are the best medicine, Tae."

The irony disconcerted Taehyung. Months ago that would be the last thing he would expect or wish to hear. At that moment though, the sweet declaration had him pleased. Previously, he thought if he had known what Jeongguk would become to him he would have never allowed it to happen. Intertwining his finger with his, he erased such idea. He was glad he had chosen to go to Jinse instead of taking any other path he could have at the time.

"Do you remember when you treated my bruised knee in the camp back in my city? We had only just met."

"I do."

"Why did you do that?"

"I told you the truth back then, Tae, I did - and do - admire you. You faced us all with such courage and resolve. I was intrigued and a little marveled by your strength, felt compelled to get closer to you. You live with conviction. I wanted to be reminded of what that was like. More than anything, I wanted to help you and do something good for someone who deserved it."

For Taehyung, those memories only contained hatred and despair. Nothing similar to strength. The resolve Jeongguk mentioned was fueled by bitterness and his obsession with revenge.

"I am not that person anymore," he affirmed content. He wasn't consumed by grief and anger anymore. Revenge was not his reason to live. Yet he knew better than anyone what had fed that resentment, what it meant and how difficult it was to let go of it. "If I was I would not be here with you."

"Life is movement, Tae. We both learned and grew a lot since then. But even if some conceptions you had are different, you always act with your heart, that remains. You always have the people you care about in mind as your driving force."

It amazed Taehyung how correct he was. Going into priesthood to honor his family, wanting to avenge his people, wanting to be by Jeongguk's side and protect him, all sprung from the same place. His dilemma did too. Conflicting feelings inhabited him, his lover was at both sides of the coin.

"Jeongguk, I need to tell you something." The secret had been lumped in his throat. It left a bad taste in Taehyung's tongue. It held him back from embracing and confessing his feeling for the emperor. How could he invest into that relationship with it over his head? He had given up his plan, he wanted a chance with Jeongguk, being upfront with him seemed like a necessary step. "It is past now, and I take no pride in it, but I wish to be honest with you. When we met, I wanted- I planned to- to hurt you," Tae gulped, looking down, "to take revenge. Please, forgive me."

The air thickened with silence for a moment. Jeongguk's fingers stopped mid caress, but didn't leave his arm.

"I know," he said. Tae finally looked into his remorseful eyes, a shadow around them.

"You know?"

"I mean, I imagined it. I would have done it if I were you. I would have never even hesitated. That was one of Yoongi's biggest peeves with you. He warned me multiple times that it was too risky to bring you to the palace."

Putting himself into his position Tae could understand the general's rash attitude. He would have done the same to someone he considered a threat to his family. He had done the same to Jeongguk.

"He was right."

"No, he wasn't." Jeongguk lifted his face up. "You never hurt me. I understand your feelings, Tae, your resentment. And I will not forgive you because it is not something to be deemed forgiveness to. You are not to blame and I do not deserve you to feel guilty over me. It is I who can never stop asking for your forgiveness."

Tae brought the sheets up to his chin, curling underneath them. The dwindling flame reflected in Jeongguk's pupils as he expected Taehyung's next words.

"I will not pretend this is simple for me, because it is not," he started, deep voice barely audible, "you already know I hated you. I was angry everyday. The kinder you acted, the angrier I got, convinced you were trying to fool me. But you are nothing like what I had imagined and the more I got to know you, Guk, the more my affection grew. Unexpectedly, you helped me out of the darkness, you gave me a home, you brought me happiness. And because I could not hate you, I hated myself. Part of me still does and still resents," he confessed, knowing it would pain Jeongguk as it pained him, however to move forward he had to be honest to him. "I wanted a definite answer for this dilemma, but I am accepting I will always live in a perhaps with you, Guk. I don't know if I can ever completely forgive, but I know the way I feel for you and that I want to be by your side. You are part of me, Jeongguk, I cannot deny it or rip you out. I don't want to anymore. I'm sorry, I wish I could give you more, you gave yourself entirely to me, but this is my truth and I am giving you all I can. I love you the best I can."

Love. Yes, love. The word was undoubtedly love. It came out of his lips naturally, its significance only being recognized by Taehyung the moment it reached Jeongguk's ears and brought water to his wide eyes. He loved Jeongguk. Even if it should be impossible, he loved Jeongguk.

"This is all I need, Tae," he professed with a beam, palm resting on his cheek, "any part of you is more than enough to me. It is more than I deserve, than I ever hoped for. Do not apologize, you have given me so much already. You are the light of my life, Taehyung, being with you is enough."

Their relationship had rifts and bumps, far from flawless, but Tae was willing to appreciate it the way it was. He didn't need certainties, Jeongguk put sense to chaos. They could find a place for them in that mistake of an universe. They would love each other to the best of their capabilities. Jeongguk made him believe in miracles too. After many cold, uneasy nights, Taehyung was comfortable in his embrace. He blew the candle out.

Taehyung's placid dreams were disturbed by huffs. Something moved from beneath him. Still his weary eyes refused to open.

"Guk?" He mumbled, reaching out to an empty spot.

"It is still early," he murmured, "go back to sleep, love."

Taehyung heard the discomfort in his voice. Alert bells rang. He forced himself out of the drowse. In the shadows, he recognized Guk's silhouette at the edge of the bed moving away with cautiousness. He stood up amid curses.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," he hissed, "just rest, Tae."

Taehyung squinted, noticing the blur move. Jeongguk heaved.

"You shoul-"

A yelp cut him of. Jeongguk disappeared from his sight with a thud.

"Guk!" Taehyung jumped out of bed.

The emperor laid broken on the ground.

"I am fine." He used the left side of his body to propel himself back up. Tae aided him, taking on his weight. "Just misstepped."

His right leg didn't touch the ground. Anyone could tell a person with a deep cut on their thigh should not be walking around with no support. He wished Jeongguk would simply ask for help.

"This bandage is not here as an accessory, Guk. You can get even more hurt if you don't respect your body's time to heal. I will call Sora to take a look on you and you go back to bed and rest before you open these stitches."

Tae helped him sit, checking the patch for any blood. Thankfully it resisted. Jeongguk was eager to stand back up, but he blocked the way.

"I need to get ready."

"Get ready for what?" Taehyung frowned at him. "Take a look at yourself, Jeongguk. The only thing you need to be ready for is taking your medicine and sleeping."

"I am going to fight, Tae."

Taehyung stared at him in shock, telling himself he had heard it wrong, that Jeongguk would not be so stupid. But the determination he exuded proved it was not the case.

"No."

"Tae-"

"No!" He repeated more decisive. "No, Jeongguk. You can't. You are weak, can't you see? You nearly lost your life yesterday, a few pathetic stitches and this bandage are all that is keeping you from bleeding to death."

"I have fought in rough conditions and won before, I can do it again," he argumented unfazed.

Taehyung was incredulous he could consider going in that state. A poignant pain throbbed on his head. He pressed the spot between his brows, like his father used to do when he acted like a stubborn kid.

"You are struggling to stand, Jeongguk. How do you expect to lead and win like this?"

"I cannot cower and let others fight my battles for me, Tae."

"If you go you can die."

"I will not. And even if I did, I would proudly die fighting to protect what I love."

Taehyung wanted to slap him for neglecting something he considered so precious.

"How can you be so reckless? You know what you mean to me. To all this kingdom. If you do not comeback the rest of us will be thrown into a civil war. With no heir, it will be a bloody dispute to see who gets the throne. It is not worth the risk."

That point had Jeongguk recoil, wetting his lips.

"My soldiers have expectations of me. I cannot order then to die for the empire if I am not willing to die as well."

"Your soldiers are fighting their own battles. You're their leader, but they have their own reasons to fight too. Your sentiment is noble, Jeongguk, but we must be logic now. This is one battle. You have done enough. It is wise to know when to drop your weapons."

"It would be running away," he countered torn.

"No, Guk," Tae insisted, clutching his face, "it shows you are intelligent, that you care for our land and its future. Being the ruler brings you responsibilities. You have to take them into consideration."

"I know, it is exactly what I am trying to do."

"Losing you is a lot more harmful to all of us. There is another war happening with the council and we need our leader. You fought hard to get here, to build all you built, do not lose it now over pride. Stay and recover your strength."

Jeongguk gripped his wrist, thumb stroking a vein as he considered what Taehyung had said.

"Fine," he nodded, a small frown still visible, "your arguments are true. You are wise, Taehyung, I need to listen to you more."

Tae's shoulders relaxed.

"Thank you. I do not want to lose you, Gukie."

Jeongguk's mouth curved upwards in a small half grin.

"You won't. I will make the rational decision this time."

Jeongguk laid down again resigned. His lips remained pursed in frustration, no sounds leaving. He picked the corners of his nails. Taehyung hated to see him upset, but compared to the other option a little sulking was not bad. "There are things greater than our lives," Namjoon had said. Jeongguk's life was greater than itself. He could not simply bet it on a gamble. Tae had lost enough to that pretty honor speech before to know it was not worth it. If he was honest, he would admit he did not truly care for the empire's wellbeing and "being smart". He just wanted his love safe. But he knew his desires were not enough to keep the emperor from going. They were not enough to stop Namjoon before. He didn't say anything wrong or false though. All his arguments were valid concerns. They were simply not his concerns.

"Excuse me," Yoongi entered the tent with a reverence while Tae cleaned a cut on Jeongguk's brow. He carried a basket with fruits and bread in it. "Sora asked me to bring you these. How are you?"

"Thank you. As fine as possible," Guk informed, sitting up to look at him, "the pain is tolerable. And you?"

"Fine too." He cleaned his throat, standing high and wooden. "I am prepared to lead the troops, Jeongguk. You should not be at the battlefield today."

"I should be the one to decide that, shouldn't I?"

Yoongi did not seem at all intimidated by his highbrows. Of course not, he had seen that boy grow. Helped him grow, kept him safe. He had every right and reason to put sense into his hard head.

"It is not the moment to be dumb. You have wounds that will surely compromise your performance in a fight and possibly determine your death. There should not be a discussion here, going is too risky."

The more Taehyung knew of Yoongi, the more he realized they surprisingly agreed. Differences aside, at the end of the day both only desired the best for Jeongguk.

"Your speech is late," he retorted, sinking into his pillow, "Taehyung already said all this."

Tae nodded reassuringly when Yoongi glanced at him.

"And he was more effective, I hope."

"He was. I will stay behind today."

"Good. I promise we will honor you, Jeongguk."

"I should speak to the soldiers, though," he considered, "I know morale has taken a few hits and now with me staying I am worried they will feel betrayed."

"They know your life is more important, Jeongguk."

"It shouldn't be."

"But it is. There is no empire without emperor. We all know what is at stake here, what the bigger picture is."

"Still, I want to explain myself. I owe it to them."

"I think it is a good idea," Tae defended, "it's best if they see Jeongguk now, after the commotion of yesterday, it will pass security."

Yoongi didn't attempt to argue. He provided a cane for the emperor to walk. It would be an effort, but if it made Jeongguk feel better then Taehyung was all for it.

"I will look weak with this," Guk complained, leaning on Yoongi to stand.

"It would look worse if you fell in front of them." Tae brushed his fringe, fixing his bedhead. "This is only temporary, Guk, until you heal."

All stared when they stepped out, evaluating the emperor's condition. Taehyung understood Jeongguk's uneasiness in being seen that way. It certainly differed from the mythical image of an emperor, his mortality and fragility bared for everyone to see. The man who walked like a god could not even properly walk anymore.

"I am not dead," he mocked, noticing their expressions, "so you can wipe the funeral look off your faces." A few small chuckles eased the tension. Jeongguk peered at every tired face. "I wanted to come to speak to you and personally apologize. I am sorry, but today I will not lead you in battle." Whispers ran like sneaky rats, mouths twisted and covered, but nevertheless noticeable. "I regret having gotten too hurt to fight with you. As you can see my leg is not in its best condition and being on the field today would bring you more concern and risk than it is worth. I entrusted general Min to lead you, while I recover. Follow him and put an end to this. We have taken many of them down already. We are stronger and more capacitated and we are close to the victory. Do not lose sight of that. Fight for the ones who perished and the ones you wish to protect. Fight with honor. I hope to feast with all of you once we get home."

The soldiers cheered encouraged. Jeongguk proceeded to slowly make his way through the crowd, speaking to his army, checking their armor and bruises. His insistent and energetic presence despite being hurt seemed to motivate the troops.

"He is quite smart," Bogum commented, taking the spot next to Taehyung in the shade, "no one trusts a distant king."

"He cares," Tae corrected, observing as Jeongguk adjusted the helmet of a short boy. Bogum hummed in agreement.

"It is reassuring to know he won't be risking himself today, isn't it? I honestly thought he would ignore good sense and go."

"He is in no condition to fight." Tae folded his arms eyeing the man next to him. He had no gear on. "You're staying too, right?"

"Sadly my arm is in an awful state. But it is always good to have some soldiers left to protect the camp."

"Could you please get me some more of those herbs I showed you, then? Jeongguk must be in a lot of pain and the effort is not making it any better."

Underneath his relaxed grin, Guk twitched noticeably, fisting the fabric of Yoongi's clothes. However he would not stop until he reached his unreasonably high limit. The moment he was back inside the protection of the tent, he crumbled. Droplets of sweat glistened on his face.

"We shouldn't have moved so much," the general complained, arms folded as he stepped back to let Taehyung examine him.

"Please, I am not made of glass," Jeongguk grunted, "and it was important to speak to them."

"You did a great job, Gukie," Tae complimented while drying his face, "like a true leader. Now rest. I will make you some more medicine."

"Thank you," he caressed Taehyung's knuckles, then moved his gaze to Yoongi, "you as well, hyung."

Yoongi's eyes widened. Tae realized he hadn't heard Jeongguk call Yoongi hyung before, of course not, why would the emperor have to pay respect to anyone else no matter their age? But that day Jeongguk had no crown. It made the older's expression soften, the frown faded.

"This was nothing, Guk. I have to apologize for failing to protect you. You should have never been in this sit-

"No, stop," he interrupted, waving his hand, "this is not your fault, hyung. You know very well I would have died long ago without you. I was the one to try to take a step bigger than my leg and be stupid. I should have stuck to our plan and heard you."

Yoongi's expression was far, as if he had dug an old memory. He put his fist over his heart.

"I will make them pay for doing this to you."

"I trust you and the troops do too. Get back safely."

Yoongi bowed and left to join the outside rumble. Hooves troted and chants echoed as that legion of men moved into possibly their final moments. Taehyung imagined what it would be like to see death approach and run towards it, instead of away.

"Do you feel afraid?" He inquired, once things had quieted. "When you are getting ready for battle, I mean. Do you ever get scared of what is coming next?"

Jeongguk drew in a long breath, fingertips grazing his own chin.

"I feel scared for my companions, I fear disappointing them and to have them scarifice their lives for nothing... I fear losing," he admitted, ashamed, "I wish I were more mature about it, but I deeply fear being overruled. However, I have stopped fearing death a long time ago."

"Why?"

"Because it is coming, no matter what I do. Living life the way I live, it always seems just a step away. Feels silly and a waste of time to fear it. I don't think it is the worst fate we can meet honestly. Instead, I like to believe there is something better after, even if simply the end of pain," he explained with serenity. It was a mature way to think it. It made sense. Jeongguk had indeed been through worse. So had Taehyung. "What about you?"

Taehyung remembered the colorful paintings at the temple, paintings he had spent so much of his time contemplating he knew the details of.

"I believe we are reborn in the gardens of eternity where we can be reunited with our loves ones to rest and heal."

Jeongguk smiled as he reflected on it.

"It is a nice way to think, I want to believe so too. I have been reunited with my loved one already though. I just wish it could have been in better circumstances."

Circumstances were a minor factor for Taehyung. He didn't regret facing the adversities with him.

"Why did you sent that drawing to me if you didn't want me to come here?"

"Ah..." he chuckled timid, looking down to play with Taehyung's hand, "I had been drawing you a lot those days, I craved to see you in any possible way. When I decided to join the fight, I knew there was a chance I might not survive. I had to let you know one last time how I feel. And, honestly, I wanted you to remember me, Tae."

Taehyung tugged his earlobe, laying over his stretched arm.

"How could I ever forget you, Gukkie?"

"I hoped, but I was not sure you would come back... I know there is more and better that this world can offer you."

Taehyung put his lips against Jeongguk's.

"I pick you," he hushed, eyelashes fluttering against his, "every sunrise and sundown it is you, Jeongguk."

They delved into the other's healing touch. Taehyung was warm and welcoming, involving Jeongguk in a summer breeze. He drove away the pain and sorrow, nothing rivaled him for Guk's attention.

"Thank you for being by my side-"

A violent gust of wind invaded the tent, blowing down their house of cards.

"Enemies approaching!"

Notes:

Hello!!! It's so late here and I'm basically a zombie now, but I really wnated to deliver this. Part two is coming in a few hours after I sleep and can think again, so no, this time I won't leave you hanging. I wrote and rewrote this chapter, it gave me quite the work. Since the story is approaching the end, it's necessary to be very sure of where I'm going. It's also especially long and with its part two there are over 9K words, so I feel like a mom who just gave birth. But I'm very happy with the end result. As always, thank you for your patience. I hope you likes this chapter. Come talk to me in the comment section, place your bets, leave your good wishes to our characters, whatever you want to say, it makes me verry happy to read it. Thank you! See you in a few 💖

Chapter 32

They broke apart at once, heads turning to the entrance of the tent where a panting soldier stood. Ice touched Taehyung's spine. His hand still touched Jeongguk's cheek. He withdrew it, posture becoming rigid.

"What?" Guk gasped, kicking the sheets away.

The boy mumbled broken syllables, unable to look at them. He was young, not a mark on his red face.

"I- Forgive me- P-Park Bogum was at t-the woods and he saw enemies approaching the camp-"

"Focus," Jeongguk ordered impatient, "how many?"

He gulped.

"About a dozen he thinks. He sent me to warn you, sir."

Jeongguk grunted, struggling to get on his feet. Taehyung snapped out of the shock to aid him. His heart pumped in the same velocity the wheels in his head turned. Not even the camp was safe anymore. Another soldier rushed inside, that one older, more certainty in the way he carried his sword.

"Sir," he nearly broke his back, bowing, "I am here to protect you. Dongho, Goo and Yugyeom went to intercept them at the woods. Bogum is checking for which of the wounded can fight. Mingyu and Hyuk are positioned on the surroundings. Jiho is taking a wagon and horses to the southwest edge of the camp for your escape. We will not let them get to you."

Jeongguk was fixated on the ground that rifted beneath his feet. Taehyung, on the other hand, stared at him, expecting his decisions. Nothing came.

"We need to start moving then," he declared, taking the lead, "get the emperor to safety quickly."

Guk turned at him, furrowed brows crowned the offended look on his eyes.

"I cannot run."

"Jeongguk, they are here to kill you," Tae gripped his shoulders, forcing their eyes to meet, "they know we have a disadvantage. It is not safe for you to stay."

"I cannot simply leave my men behind," he protested.

"We can send someone to warn the rest of your army about the attack, but there is no time to argue now. You are not in condition to fight. We already talked this through." Tae's hand discreetly massaged him. "Please."

"I apologize, sir," the eldest interrupted, "but Taehyung-ssi is right, there is no time. They are fast approaching and, as good as your soldiers are, we are outnumbered. We need to go."

Jeongguk harshly rubbed his face, irritating the scabbing wounds. Taehyung forced his hand down.

"Your people need you alive and well, Guk," he murmured for only him to hear, "I need you. If you chose to stay, then I will stay with you, but please remember what I told you. Please live."

His pome jolted up and down as he held an internal argument. Taehyung saw the clash in his darkening irises. Jeongguk moved away from his hold, nodding.

"Fine, I will go with you."

They collected Jeongguk's gear and dressed him in the armor, getting him as ready for a fight as possible. His tent was right in the middle of the camp, which made it an easy to locate target, but also difficult to reach. Taehyung supported Jeongguk's weight as they moved slowly between the two guards. Numerous tents around provided cover, they ran from shadow to shadow. For a moment the group froze, recognizing the screeches of clashing swords not far enough.

"Keep moving," muttered the older one who led the path.

Taehyung accelerated his pace to Jeongguk's expense. The emperor struggled to breathe, dedicating every fiber to the effort of keeping up. His nails buried further into Tae's skin each step.

"Just a little more," he repeated to Guk, glancing at his wrinkled features.

"I'm fine, we can keep going," he lied every time.

He refused to ask for a break or for them to slow down, pushing through the pain. Until his leg gave in. He almost pulled Taehyung down along when his knees hit the ground. The soldiers stopped moving, switching for a defensive position. Jeongguk attempted to get up using the strength of his other side like he'd done before, but his body had stopped responding. He punched the grass, teeth clenched to hold back the frustrated yell. Tae kneeled in front of him.

"Hold on to me, I will carry you."

"Tae-"

"Now, Jeongguk."

He obeyed, hanging around his neck, legs closed around Taehyung's waist. Jeongguk was bigger, better built, but it did not matter. There was no time. If the roles were reversed he would undoubtedly do the same. Tae inhaled deeply, pulling him up from the ground. He lost balance for a moment, staggering.

"We have to keep going."

It slowed his natural pace down, but was still faster than dragging an injured Jeongguk. They sneaked around the empty tents alert to all nearby sounds. Something viscous and warm wetted Taehyung's clothes. He didn't pay it attention. The hold around him seemed to loosen, but he only pulled Guk up, refusing to let him down.

Their guide halted when they reached the last line of tents. Behind it laid the less dense portion of the forest, trees more sparse that allowed the way for a wagon to pass.

"Where is he?" Tae slithered, not visualizing their supposed getaway.

"I don't know," the soldier screeched, "he was supposed to be here."

Taehyung stomped, groaning. All that trouble for a plan that failed.

"Gods."

"W-we should get inside," the younger one suggested, fidgety, "and talk in a place we are not exposed."

They rushed into an empty tent. Taehyung finally let Jeongguk down, vertebras cracking. His stomach twisted when he noticed the emperor's garment was soaked in blood, blood that had stained his as well. Guk couldn't sustain himself up. Tae held his waist when he faltered, helping him lie down.

"I'm fine," he assured again, seeing terror spread over Tae's face. He was a bad liar.

Deep breaths left Taehyung's open mouth, as he tried to regain focus. Panic was forbidden. He needed to be in control of himself or else he would become a burden. He brushed his hair back, working to piece together his disorganized thoughts.

"Find me clean sheets now. And check for alcohol."

Jeongguk's loving eyes stayed on him, telling him it was alright, there was no reason to be afraid, lies he needed. First, Tae took a look at the situation of his thigh. Some of the stitches had ripped, blood spilling out of the open wound. He swallowed a stone lump, slapping himself. He was strong, it came the time to prove so. Taehyung had never been as happy to see a rum bottle in his life as when one of the boys handed it to him. It would work. He ripped the sheets.

"Bite this," Tae gave Guk a little ball made from a piece of the cloth.

"You can do this, Tae," he eased, before putting it between his teeth.

Taehyung gripped his own wrist to stop it from shaking and poured the alcohol on the wound. Jeongguk convulsioned, muffling his whines. Tae wrapped a piece of the sheet around his thigh, tying a knot akin to the one that united them on it. An improvised bandage would not hold for long, he knew, but for the moment it was enough. He wiped his hands on his already dirty clothes.

The two guards sat aside in a silent attempt to hear what was happening outside while Taehyung watched on the emperor. Jeongguk slipped in and out of consciousness. The new blood loss had drained his strength.

"Who do you think is winning?" The boy asked, hugging his knees. How could someone so young have been thrown into battle like that?

"There is no point thinking about this, Jae."

"Do you think hyung is d-dead? This is why he is not here?"

"I don't know, but we need to do something. The emperor needs to leave."

"Someone has to go after horses," Tae put into words what they were all thinking, "in case this person is not coming."

"Agreed," the older said, "I will. I know the camp well, the path he was supposed to make and where to get horses for us. You two wait here and do not leave unless it is life or death. You protect the emperor now, Jae."

The boy seemed on the verge of throwing up. Tae didn't feel much different.

"I will, Sunho hyung."

The man named Sunho checked outside to make sure there were no enemies near and then ran off. Time dragged. Taehyung picked Jeongguk's sword up, as its owner couldn't use it. What a terrible impostor he was. It had been long since he had last touched a weapon, but the situation didn't allow self doubt. Jae had given up sitting to pace around the tent. Tae observed his nervous movements. That boy had seen him and Jeongguk. Maybe it could be glossed over, Jimin had mentioned "needs" could be excused at the battlefield. But the rumors had been spreading since Jinse. If a soldier went around blabbering about the caresses he had seen exchanged between the emperor and Kim Taehyung everyone would easily believe it. And believe it was more. It would fuel to a fire that had already gone to big.

"Jae?" He called softly. The boy looked back at him. "This is your name, right?"

"Yes, Taehyung-ssi."

"Jae, what you saw on the tent earlier-"

"You were just looking after the emperor, right? Like Sora does," he promptly said, head lowered.

The answer surprised Tae.

"Right," he ran with it, "I was checking his temperature and his patches."

The younger nodded, back to his pacing. Taehyung didn't think he believed it, but if he was willing to pretend then so would he. Horses neared quickly. Jae heard them as well, raising his blade. Tae got on his feet, standing next to him between the entrance and Jeongguk like a human shield. His muscles tensed, preparing for his first real fight. Some training and suddenly Taehyung thought himself ready. Could he kill those men if they tried to invade, if they tried to hurt Jeongguk? Would he be able to bury his blade in their hearts? To protect his love, he would do the best he could. He understood what Bogum had said. The trot slowed down. An animal huffed outside. Sweaty palms clutched the handle with determination. A familiar face appeared through the crack. Tae's blade dropped when he relaxed. Sunho mounted a fine horse, perfect for the job. He still looked just as worried.

"We need to be fast," he gulped, jumping down, "I think I might have been spotted."

"Just one horse?" Jeongguk mumbled. All turned to him. He tried to sit up despite being limp.

"I didn't want to risk drawing even more attention," he explained, going towards his sovereign, "or waste any time. I'm sorry, sir."

"It's enough." Tae helped him settle the emperor over the animal. The rests of the sheet proved useful to tie him safely to it, in case Guk lost consciousness again. "Is someone chasing you?"

"I'm not sure. I tried to avoid the fight, but I ran into one of them. I killed him, but it might have gotten me noticed."

Tae pondered. Even if some of the enemies had already been killed, chances were they still outnumbered allies. If a group of them was left and decided to go after Jeongguk they could easily corner the emperor. The forest didn't offer great cover either. Their goal was to get Jeongguk to safety, no matter the cost.

"Jinse is too far for Jeongguk to reach in this state," Taehyung pointed out, "he needs a physician."

"Indeed," Sunho gnawed his lips, "the closest village would be Ije, but I reckon Shinzo is a better option."

"You should go with Jeongguk," Tae determined, giving him the reins,  "take him there and warn the soldiers you find in the village about this attack."

"No. This horse is for you and the emperor to flee, Taehyung-ssi."

"You can protect him better than me. Jae and I will stay behind and give you time. In case we fail, the emperor has a better chance of making out of this alive with you by his side."

"No," Jeongguk opposed agitated, unsuccessfully trying to free himself from the knots that held him down. "You come, Tae."

Taehyung stepped closer to him, a squeeze inside his chest. The night before, Guk had said he had never hurt him. That was about to change. Goodbyes should be private, but things never seemed to work their way.

"I will stay and stop anyone who tries to follow you and Sunho will take you to safety," he murmured, glad he had managed to use his voice, "this is your best chance, Guk."

"Tae, no," he begged out of air. His hand clutched Taehyung's. "You can't."

Water forced the levee inside Taehyung, but the refused to break. Instead, he put on a weak smile.

"I will go see you when this is over, everything will be fine."

No matter what, Taehyung knew they would meet again. Jeongguk refused the consolation, head shaking.

"It's too dangerous."

"I know what to do."

The stars that inhabited Jeongguk's eyes had disappeared in a tempestuous ocean.

"Stay with me," he pleaded, turning Taehyung's hand white with how strongly he held it.

Tae would.

"It is an honor to fight for your majesty."

He took Jeongguk's grated knuckles to his lips, bowing to place a kiss on them. Taehyung's feelings were written all over him, shining on his teary gaze, present in the delicate touch of their fingers. Feelings impossible to be kept hidden. Guk ought to know. Taehyung let go of him, stepping back with a hardened shell, sword in hands.

"You two need to leave."

Sunho mounted on the horse.

"Tae," Jeongguk fought against his restraints, urging to reach his love, "Taehyung, please!"

Tae ignored his cries. His decision was made. He had regretted not protecting what he loved once, he wouldn't again.

The pair rushed into the forest. Tae watched them disappear hoping the gods sided with Jeongguk once more. He hoped they both could greet another sunrise together.

"Now what?" Jae inquired, stare darting from where enemies were coming to where the emperor had faded.

"Climb," Taehyung pointed at a tree a little further in, "they probably have horses, it's an advantage. Climb and jump them when they are beneath you. Then fight for your life."

He didn't wait for the boy's approval. Taehyung pulled himself up those branches, a skill he had developed in his infancy, but had stopped using after his explorations of the woods stopped. Even with time, somethings were never forgotten. He hoped it would the same with his training.. Tae could see Jae in the opposite tree, holding on to a thick branch to not to fall. Fear pestered Taehyung, but not for himself, for what would happen to Jeongguk if they failed. Sounds grew louder, hooves on the ground. They entered Taehyung's sight. A pair. They were bigger than both him and Jae, but a small size also meant more agility. Taehyung didn't have an armor either. Speed would have to do. There was a chance of surviving , which was already better than his previous expectations. The sword buzzed with a life of its own, sensing the enemies, anticipating the fight. Taehyung's heartbeat was violent, pulsing in his eardrums. He raised three fingers for Jae. They were almost beneath them. Two. Fighting was the only option. One.

The two plunged over them, arms open to claw the soldier and take them down of their horses. The impact against Taehyung's chest had him breathless. He wrapped around the yelling man, hitting the soil with him. Their tangled bodies rolled down, both struggling to overpower the other. Taehyung punched him senselessly. His knuckles were shattering along. Their horses dispersed, scared by the confusion. The soldier kicked Taehyung's stomach, throwing him back against a tree. The impact disoriented him for an instant. He coughed the dust, concentrated on recovering his balance to stand. A sword swooshed by his ear as he rolled away. He jumped on his feet, ready for the confrontation. Blades clashed. The man's movements were hasty, energy exploding in his hits, but lacked precision and skill. He repeated the same idiotic routine that allowed for Taehyung to avoid his weapon. Tae forcedly followed a defensive strategy, dodging his blows, struggling to find a breach to hurt him. The other fight next to him had become distant noise. Even Jeongguk had slipped to the background. Taehyung focused entirely on finding his opponents weak spots and escape from his uncoordinated jabs.

"We should not waste time here," the man said, cutting the air where Tae's head was an instant prior, "we both know you cannot beat me, so tell me where the emperor is and I will let you and your friend live.

"I rather die."

The enemy cornered Taehyung, pushing him back. Tae tripped over a root, concentration disturbed. One moment of distraction was enough. He screamed when blood was drawn from his arm. A long rip was opened on its upper half. He gripped the shredded skin, uselessly trying to stop the blood from flowing out. He couldn't take care of it or even catch his breath. If Tae had thought the sword heavy before, it did not compare to yielding it with a harmed limb. The circumstances had him overcome the pain, despair working as analgesic. Nevertheless, damage appeared in his rhythm. Tae didn't maneuver the weapon fast enough to avoid the series of cuts in his skin every time the metal touched it.

"Why fight for the man who took everything from you?" The guy questioned. Tae slashed his cheek, but he didn't seem bothered. His sword swung strongly in the direction of Taehyung's torso. It hit a tree he hid behind. "I have heard about you Taehyung, I can't believe you of all people is willing to die for Jeongguk."

His words disturbed Tae. How had his name spread that far?

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know that it was said Jeongguk had gone soft because of some stray animal he took in as trophy after conquering the Ahreum valley. I was curious to meet his exotic pet."

Taehyung ran towards him impulsively, determined to bury that sword into his body. The guy flicked him off like a mosquito. He cackled as Tae made an effort to stand back up.

"After all the stories about you, I expected more. Now that I think about it, I will be actually ridding Jeon of a problem by killing you."

Taehyung refused to give up. He got on his feet, going against him with the last of his strength, blow after blow after blow, taking pleasure in the way his eyes widened at the unexpected attack. Taehyung's blood mixed with Jeongguk's in his clothes. Anguish didn't stop him. He would fight until his last breath like Jeongguk would. Should he die, then Taehyung would die a proud death. He slashed his opponent's shoulder, getting a curse out of him. No guilty plagued him for once, Tae enjoyed a twisted taste of power and satisfaction in his hurt, in evening out the fight after struggling. Taehyung's blade gritted his, crying, preventing the soldier from slicing him in half. Both dangerously approached his nose, he wasn't strong enough to push the enemy back. Tae analyzed his position, the way he held his weapon, that he stood. The soldier's left knee didn't look quite steady. He booted his kneecap. The man fell forward, freeing Tae's tired arms from the pressure. He sank the sword into his large calf. A wild competitiveness manifested in him, fed by the other's scream. The trance ended with his own yell. Metal sliced his waist. Tae pulled his blade out, intercepting a new attack from the second enemy. Jae came between them in an attempt to resume his fight and spare him. Taehyung stumbled back, acute pain in the spot between his last two ribs where he had been injured. Breathing was made even more difficult.

His opponent managed to stand back up despite the wound. It didn't seem to weaken him as much as it angered. He came at Tae with full force. Taehyung's sword danced along his in a quick rhythm that his body grew tired of accompanying. He was dragging behind. His resources were burning out and it ached. Taehyung was warrior, but he wasn't a soldier. The handle slipped from his fingers. Sun rays reflected on the metal when it flew away from his hold. He fumbled with the empty air. The other laughed hysterically.

"Oh, you should see your face right now."

He twirled the sword, trapping Taehyung against a tree. The sharp edge played close to his pulsing veins, an inch away from taking his life. Then surprisingly he threw the weapon away.

"Getting merciful?" Tae questioned breathless, scanning the surroundings for a way out.

"I could make this quick, but where would be the fun in that?"

Taehyung barely registered his fist before it smashed his face. A grim crack was heard. His nose throbbed. A metallic taste dominated his tongue when blood got into his mouth. His stomach churned with nausea. Another hit at his jaw overshadowed the broken nose. Tae reacted after the first scare, punching him back furiously. He squared his mouth, breaking some of his teeth. However, many of his clumsy jabs missed their target or were simply ineffective. His hand got intercepted. The man twisted Taehyung's arm, fracturing the bones, getting howls out of him. Black dots polluted his vision.
It didn't stop there. His ribs, his legs, his hips, one hit quickly followed the other in a gruesome journey over his body. Nothing was left unscathed, as agony spread over every spot of him. Tae became certain that man would break all his bones, like a kid breaking sticks. He couldn't cry, couldn't even open his swollen eyes. Taehyung curled over the dirt, trying to protect himself even though he knew it was useless. He coughed what he believed to be his organs. Pain was the only thing in his mind. Pain and Jeongguk. He had escaped. He was far, out of their reach. Jeongguk lived, and as long as he did, so would Tae within him. No matter how many kicks, how many punches and bruises were given to him, Taehyung had won. He wouldn't be hurt, not truly. He wouldn't lose another person he loved. Tae wished to hold out a little longer, to cling to his hand, to see the world beyond the sea with him like they had talked about, but squashed in the ground, head buried into the soil, he truly just wanted the pain to stop. He had avoided the worst fate already. Anything beyond that he could accept.

"What a shame," the vulture snickered, picking him up by his neck.

Taehyung's mistreated remains were inert, hanging in his hand resigned. His head was busted against a trunk. The world went black.

Notes:

I'm so sorry! This was tough to write. I hope you are all okay. I'm not. No spoilers here, all I'll say is this is NOT the last update. So don't let go just yet! More is coming. I had a hard time with the fighting scenes in this chaoter too, hope they turned out alright. Come scream at me in the comment section. I really am angry at myself too. Bye sweeties, see you soon 😪

Chapter 33

Light annoyed Taehyung's eyes. The sky was bright blue, not a single cloud protecting him from the rays of sunshine. He created a shadow with his fingers, looking around in confusion. From what he could tell he was lying on a field, tall grass surrounding him. No trees, no enemies. The most surprising: no pain.

"You really can't stay away from trouble, can you, Taehyungie?"

Taehyung had imagined it. It couldn't be him. He had to be confusing similar tones. But it sounded eerily familiar. He sat up, searching for who had spoken. Just as tall as he remembered, same smile, same dimples. Not a sign of the horror he had suffered. No, quite the contrary he looked healthier than ever, skin glowing. Taehyung's mouth hang agape at the impossible sight, not knowing how to react. Namjoon chuckled at his baffled expression.

"It has been a while. Do I not get even a hug?"

Taehyung didn't want to question it. Blessings should simply be taken with an open heart and gratitude. He plunged into the hug he had wished for more times than he could count. Joon cradled him, hand rubbing his back soothingly the way he did since Tae was a kid. Taehyung was taken back in time. Hyung's embrace was exactly as he recalled, his touch warm, full of life. He knew he had someone to lean on. He moved back to study his appearance, afraid it would prove to be a trick. It was his brother no doubt. But if that was truly Namjoon then... Tae felt light in the head.

"A-Am I dead?" Was the first thing he could utter past the shock.

The obvious conclusion was all he could fathom. He should be dead. His soul had been beaten out of his body. Taehyung certainly was no more. Joon pursed his lips.

"This is a great question to start with. You are... What was the word you used before? In a perhaps," he snapped, finding the correct expression with a satisfied smile, "In between."

It didn't help at all.

"What?"

"You are not dead yet, Taehyung."

"Yet?" Tae emphasized the poignant word disturbed.

"Well, you see, at the moment your very bruised body lies in a warm bed and your heart insists on beating, you stubborn kid," he ruffled his hair, trying to ease Taehyung's nerves, "but all you have been able to do lately is let out ocasional pain whines, so alive is a bit too strong to describe your state."

Tae weighed that information, attempting to imagine what took place outside that delirium. He was hanging on by a thread at best. Obviously someone was caring for him. And obviously it hadn't been showing much result. He sat down dizzy. His brother did the same, attentive to his reaction.

"How are you here?" Tae inquired, "And where is here?"

"I never left you. I kept watching over you, Tae. I thought you might be needing your hyung after all that has happened." His comforting smile made Tae a little calmer. He was never alone. Not really. "And you know where we are, look around."

Taehyung observed the surroundings, recognizing the drawing of the river far away, the intact constructions of their city beyond it. But it was stale, like seeing a drawing. The colors were there, but not as vivid. It didn't move, didn't pulse.

"It doesn't look the same."

Namjoon sighed, resting his forearms on his knees.

"This is only your memory, Taehyung. It fades with time. And after all you have been through in this place, it is not surprising that it has lost some of its original glory."

Taehyung nodded, the strangeness of coming back to the valley in real life remained present even in the dream.

"I wanted to recover our home, hyung, but it is gone."

"You cannot retrieve it, Tae. Nothing will ever be the same," he reflected with a hint of sadness, "for any of us."

Namjoon's pointer finger drew circles over his own leg as he admired the view of the city he was willing to die with.

"Do you regret your decision that day, hyung?"

Joon shook his head after a moment.

"I am well past the point of regret. And I know where my heart was that day. I truly believed it was the right thing to do, so I cannot regret it. What happened cannot be changed, the river only runs one course."

"Forgive me," the apology that had been in his mind since he lost Namjoon could finally be spoken, "I should have prevented it, hyung, I should have fought you harder that day. Or I shouldn't have gone to sleep. Had I been awake I could have protected you."

Namjoon gazed at him with solidarity.

"You could not have prevented it, Tae. Or protected me."

"Then I should have honored your memory and your sacrifice."

"Every day you breathe in this world you do, Tae."

"But I..." Tae gulped, struggling to admit it to his brother, "I couldn't avenge you. I bring shame to our name," his eyes lowered to the tattoos of his hand, "I love the one who caused us pain."

"I never wanted for you to avenge me," Namjoon explained, bringing Tae's sorry face up by his chin, "all I wanted was for you to live."

"Then forgive me for putting myself in risk."

"Only if you forgive me for doing the same."

"Of course I do, hyung. Can you also forgive my feelings?"

He expected the answer hopeful. That question had plagued him, suffocated his relationship. Was Namjoon ashamed and angry at him? Taehyung knew had committed a betrayal, but did his brother condemn him as much as Hoseok, Dawon and he himself thought he would? But Namjoon's smile didn't change.

"Once you are where I am your perspectives change. Jeon Jeongguk cares for you, protects you and makes you happy. I see the sincerity of his feelings towards you. I am glad you have someone who cares looking out for you, whoever it may be. Your happiness and well being are what matters the most to me, Taehyungie."

Tae squeezed his hand, beaming grateful. He had the blessing of the one that mattered the most. He couldn't believe he had thought Namjoon would not put his happiness first.

"Thank you, hyung."

"Do you believe he deserves your love?"

Taehyung nodded without doubt.

"I do."

"Then so will I."

A shadow covered them, heavy clouds materialized, polluting the sky. Tae looked up confused, ready to question the sudden change of the weather, when rain began to pour with no warning. He blinked, wiping the water from his sight. Namjoon remained unfazed, not acknowledging the phenomenon.

"Speak of him..."

"What is happening?"

"Not what, who."

Tae didn't understand. Namjoon closed his eyes, letting his head pend back in the rain, not a care. Taehyung hugged himself uneasy by the weirdness of his situation.

"We should go home, hyung-"

"Taehyung," a cry echoed, paralyzing him. Tae's heartbeat recognized the voice that had it going faster. He searched the vast open field, no sign of him. Yet he was there. "I finally went out today. I did not want to, but Yoongi made me do it. He has been so annoying... Worried," he corrected with a deep sigh, devoid of energy, "I know he is worried. Jimin too. I know I should be acting rational. But what do they expect me to do? I do not have anything to say to the council. To anyone. I can't face them like this. I can't do anything. I am only eating to have the strength to look after you. This is all I can focus on now. I know if you could reply you would tell me to be brave, to not let them intimidate me, but you cannot and I feel so defeated." Jungkook choked up, heaving. Taehyung felt about to cry too, hearing every note of fear and despair in his hoarse voice. "I failed you. I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I will try to fix what I can fix, but I need you to come back. I need you, Tae. You said you would stay with me. You need to wake up, you need to eat and recover. Please, come back to me. Please."

"Jeongguk!" He yelled, standing up. He couldn't see him, but he knew he was close. He felt it in every nerve of his body. Jeongguk called to him in more than one way. "Gukie! I am here!"

"He cannot hear you," Namjoon informed.

"Let me speak to him, hyung, please!"

"It is not in my control." The rain suddenly stopped. Tae trembled, dripping from head to toe. Namjoon was not wet at all. He took off his dry cloak, wrapping it around the younger. "I wish it was, it has been like this over the last three days, he does not stop crying."

"Three days?" Tae repeated, in disbelief, "I- I have been sleeping for that long?"

"Give or take. You hit your head quite badly. Your brain is sparing you from the overwhelming pain as your body recovers. You needed a break, Tae."

"Gods," he gasped, brushing his sticky hair back, "How am I supposed to get out of this?"

"You choose," Namjoon explained patiently, "this is why I am here. You are between life and death, Taehyung and you need to choose."

Taehyung's brows went up, realizing what it meant.

"Going back or... Or dying?"

"Yes. If you want to live this is your chance. You are slowly drifting away. They are losing you, Tae."

"But I can still recover?" He confirmed, relieved to see Joon nod.

"You can, but I warn you it will be a long and painful process that will demand a lot from you. You will face many more struggles."

"And if I let go?"

"Then you can come with me to the gardens of eternity. Our parents wait you there as do many you have known and lost. There will be no suffering there, I promise you."

Tae imagined it, if it would be stunning like the illustrations he had seen, if he could let go and rest with his loved ones after fighting. If he could find her. He thought of the painting Namjoon had shown him, even if his father refused to talk about her. The on,y contact he had. Many nights he had imagined her voice, what it would sound like if she sang lullabies to him. He had imagined her embrace and her smile. Until fantasizing things he couldn't have became too frustrating.

"Our mother," a whole life wanting to call someone that, "is she with you there?"

Namjoon beamed, his eyes full of a love Tae had been deprived of.

"She is."

"What is she like?"

"Beautiful and lovable. Funny too. She loves you so much, Tae, you are her little miracle. And she watches over you. Gushes a lot about how you have grown up well. She would be happy to hold you in her arms again after all these years."

"Does she regret dying for me?" His voice was a whisper, too afraid to ask. Afraid to know how big of a mistake he was. Namjoon cupped his cheeks.

"No, of course not. Do not ever think that again. I wish you could hear it from her, but she is proud of you, Tae, she would never take it back."

He was born in the middle of a harsh winter. All the odds said he was a doomed child, but his mother had given her everything to bring Taehyung into this world. She had given up her life for his. And Taehyung could give it up to meet her.

"What would you do in my place? Stay or go?"

Namjoon dried his cheeks with the back of his hand.

"This decision is for you to make."

Taehyung's forehead touched his folded knees.

"I-" he started, then scratching that. It went beyond him. "So many have died while I lived and I wondered for so long why was I the one who had a chance. I thought I had unfairly escaped death more times than I should have. After the invasion I felt dead as well for a while, I was only waiting to join you, but now... I don't feel undeserving anymore. And I crave life and its gifts. I thought I shouldn't have been the one to live, but I am alive because I was loved, and that counts, right? Fate or not, I am special because I am loved. I survived that night and by living I honor our family's sacrifices. You live in me. There is more I want to see and learn and do. There is more people I want to tell about you and our city. I was brought into this difficult, but marveling world, even if I didn't understand why. There is value in my life."

Namjoon grinned at him, approving of his words.

"So you have made your decision?"

Tae nodded, wiping his nose.

"I have."

"I am proud of you, Taetae." Namjoon's arms enveloped him while Taehyung could still be reached. Tae closed his eyes, enjoying that special opportunity. "When time comes we will all be together."

Namjoon pulled away, ready for goodbyes. At least he had a goodbye that time.

"Can I just stay a moment longer with you?" Taehyung requested, "I missed you so much, hyung. Every day."

Namjoon nodded.

"A moment longer. Come on, I bet I can reach home first."

"Please, you know you always lose."

"Best of a 100?"

Taehyung chuckled, taking off. Namjoon ran besides him, wind blowing his hair. His dimples showed when he smiled wide like that. Young and alive, invincible. The streets were empty, the city was theirs. Tae laughed out loud, seeing the gates of their home near. Part of him thought Namjoon always let him win, but he would never complain about it. He pushed the gate open and ran into the patio victorious.

"I won!"

He turned around to brag, but Namjoon was gone. Only a soft, warm breeze left. Taehyung smiled weakly, sitting on the fountain. He was ready to go home.

It was dark. He took a deep breath, instantly regretting it when his chest throbbed. Every corner of his body throbbed. He couldn't move, trapped in a cage inside himself. Teardrops ran down his cheeks when he opened a crack of his eyes. Reality was a blur. The bed would have been comfortable if he could recognize any sensation other than pain. He blinked, adjusting to the light. Sun beams came from his left, bright like the ones of his dream, illuminated the stone walls. He recognized the smell, the decorations. His chambers.

"Taehyung?" He glanced at the edge of the bed. Jimin covered his mouth, glossy eyes disappearing when he beamed. "Oh my- You are awake!"

Jimin rushed towards the door, yelling for someone to come to his aid. Tae lost sight of him. He could only hear his excited high pitch.

"Tell the emperor Taehyung is awake!"

He reappeared, sitting next to him, a lot closer. Jimin's usually pristine hair was unbrushed. His clothes were crooked, sitting sloppy on his shoulders.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, peering at him expectant. Taehyung's voice seemed to have been broken as well. "Actually don't speak. Don't make anymore effort. W-we need to get you fed. And- and the physician needs to come to check on you again. Do you want water? Blink twice if you do."

Tae did as he oriented. Jimin served him a cup and helped him chug it down, even though his hands trembled. The slightest movement had his body complaining.

"We were so worried about you. Guk... You will see. He stayed by your side constantly, but he had to give explanations to the council about the war, you know? He didn't want to leave, but Yoongi dragged him out. He had to. He will be overjoyed... Today is a day to celebrate. You have no idea how happy I am seeing you recover."

There was a loud crash when the door swung open. More tears streamed from Jimin's eyes when they went that way.

"He is alright," he informed exultant.

A ghost creeped up to Taehyung's bed, leaning on a cane. His skin was so pale the veins beneath turned it almost blue, as if he had been holding his breath for too long. It contrasted his dark hair and the dark rings under his eyes. He had lost weight. Even in the little time it was evident. Despite being able to walk again, Jeongguk looked worse than when Taehyung had last seen him, about to die himself. The emperor dropped to his knees. Their gazes crossed. Jeongguk fell forwards, forehead resting lightly against Taehyung's waist. And he wept. The sheets got soaked into his tears. He shook violently, sobs breaking out.

"Thank you," he repeated in between hiccups, "thank you, thank you, thank you."

Tae didn't care it ached, he moved his hand to Guk's head, massaging it very softly. He had stayed.

Taehyung had quite a myriad of wounds to heal. But despite the pain, he was surprised to know his condition was not as awful as he had initially thought. It definitely felt so, however Sora calmed his concerns. Still, he needed help for every minimal task. Everything cost him an absurd amount of effort and energy. He slept most of the time, not much else to do when he could barely move. He improved slowly, managed to converse again, to move his body, to grip Jeongguk's hand back. Guk came by at least once a day. Some nights he fell asleep, sat by his side. Yoongi came to pick him up, to make sure he left that room and honored his responsibilities. He did not nag though, probably relieved the emperor was eating and sleeping again. Trying to keep him away from Taehyung was useless, Jeongguk was desperate enough to climb the outside walls if needed. He came by to talk to Tae, tell him what was happening outside, sing to him, practice his difficult, but ever progressing reading... Anything was fine with Tae, as long as he was there. In his agony filled days, the moments spent with him were the only ones where pain was not his prevalent feeling. Jimin was great company as well, keeping him entertained. Yoongi came by from time to time for the other two have a break, or so he justified. Even with all the hardships, Taehyung felt his condition bettering a tiny bit every day.

"I brought you flowers," Jeongguk announced proudly when he opened the door, carrying a vase with poppies in his arms.

"Thank you," Tae said content, reaching out to him. He appreciated Guk's thoughtfulness of bringing him something new, knowing he was bored of the only looking at the same scenery

"These are beautiful," Jimin complimented, picking the vase from him and placing it on Tae's bedside table. "Since you have better company now, Tae, I'll leave. Goodnight, kids."

"Goodnight, Minnie," Taehyung said, adjusting his position on the bed.

Jimin ruffled Jeongguk's hair on the way out. Guk had rid himself of the cane, recovering perfectly. Taehyung noticed he had another present beneath his arm.

"I thought this could cheer you up too," Jeongguk waved the poetry book, "it is the one you read to me, right?"

"It is," Tae grabbed it, holding the piece against his chest, "thank you for your sweetness, Gukie, but you don't need to do all this."

"I do, Tae."

"You don't need to feel guilty."

"I am not doing it because of my guilt," Jeongguk sat by his side, straightening Taehyung's covers, "I am doing it because I love you. This is the least I can do. I know it has been hard for you to stay in this bed."

"It has," Tae admitted. He didn't want Jeongguk to feel worse, but he couldn't lie either. "But seeing you so well gives me strength."

"I am only well because of you. Our roles should have been reversed, Tae, I should have taken your place."

Taehyung shook his head.

"That would hurt me more. I don't regret my choice. Please, don't feel guilty, Gukie. I am recovering too. Just slower."

But Jeongguk's frown didn't disappear. Taehyung tried to smooth it with his finger.

"I wish I could do more for you."

"You do more than enough. With time I will get better. Now smile for me, please, I love your smile."

Jeongguk's lips curved up naturally, a sheepish smile forming. Taehyung caught sight of his big front teeth, a detail he adored.

"What is the first thing you want to do when you recover then?"

Tae's finger moved to caress his earlobe.

"Go to the beach with you again."

"Then we will go." He took Tae's hand, smacking a kiss on it. "Anything you want to do. Take this as incentive to get better very fast."

"And you? Are you sure you are in condition to travel, Gukie?"

He scrunched his nose at the mention of the upcoming schedule. Jeongguk had planned a journey around his domains to solidify the alliances he had and win back the ones he had lost. Tae had been worried the barely healed man was going to be pushed into another battle, but Guk assured issues would be handled with diplomacy, not swords.

"As much as I don't want to go, I can do it. Bogum said he would prepare a chariot for me to be more comfortable, but I really don't need it. I just want it to be over as quickly as possible."

"You will be back before the solstice, right?"

"Thankfully. If it depended on me I would not leave you now, Tae."

"No, I'm fine. Do what you need."

"I wish I could take you with me, show you all that is yours."

"Mine?" Taehyung raised a brow amused. Jeongguk's hands covered his.

"What is mine is yours, Tae. There are many beautiful places I want to show you."

Taehyung wished he could go traveling with him, leave the bedroom. He dealt with the frustration telling himself they had a lifetime to explore the world together.

"We will have many more opportunities for it in the future. I don't want you to worry about me while you are away, Guk. I will be alright. Focus on diplomacy only."

"As you wish, my prince," he bowed solemnly, making Tae chuckle, "I will bring you a present though," he added, grinning at him malicious.

"You spoil me," Tae flicked his chin.

"I want to spoil you a lot more. What would you like to get?"

"Having you back is enough."

"Come on, Tae," he pouted, laying his head over Taehyung's stomach, "what do you want?"

Taehyung threaded his hair. Only one desire occupied his mind everyday.

"To leave this bed."

Guk's grin faltered for an instant, but then returned even larger.

"That is all? It is a rather simple request."

Jeongguk jumped up, pulling the covers away from the bewildered Tae.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you what you wish." He passed an arm under his knees, the other around his waist, clutching Taehyung safely, but not raising him yet. "Do you think you can handle being held? Or does it hurt too much?"

"Gukie, you shouldn't be carrying weight."

"I am completely healed," he raised Taehyung from his nest, "and you are so light, Tae. Leet me do this for you. Unless you don't want it."

"No, I do, but-"

"Then no buts. Hold on to me, winter bear. It's cold outside, but I will warm you."

Jeongguk held him delicately. It hurt a little, the bruises made the movement and contact uncomfortable, but Tae was too eager for a change to care. He could deal with the pain. Jeongguk checked the empty corridor, before going out with him. Tae giggled, the sight of the corridors enough to cheer him up. He had almost forgotten how nice it was to sneak around the palace at night just him and Guk. They were its kings. His fingers caressed the back of his neck.

"Ah, it tickles," Jeongguk complained, but he was beaming too.

Tae gazed at him, holding on tightly ready for any adventure with him. He kissed his cheek, an spontaneous desire to do so moving him. To see the other become giddy due to his affection was the best reward. Jeongguk brought him to the balcony Taehyung adored so much. It was a bright night. Tae nuzzled his neck, listening to the waves hush, taking in that salty scent.

"You smell like the sea," he murmured to Jeongguk, lips moving against his skin.

"I do?"

"Yes. I love it."

"I love you."

It was a perfect night. Taehyung's head rested over his shoulder as he admired the vastness ahead, the possibilities for the two of them.

"I love you too. Thank you for this."

"Thank you for being alive."

A couple days later, Jeongguk departed. He didn't come back the same. Taehyung had been missing him deeply, but the feeling didn't seem reciprocated. He had to find out through a maid that Jeongguk was back. The emperor didn't deem it important to go speak to him first. The sun moved outside as Taehyung waited, until it finally set. He only showed up when the room had gone dark. But even if physically he was there, Tae couldn't help thinking part of him remained away. His eyes were elusive, not piercing Taehyung's as usual. He seemed to have forgotten about his present too. Tae gripped his forearm, making him look.

"Is everything alright? How did the trip go?"

"Fine. I'm just tired. I can't stay much today, sorry."

Tae gulped, nodding. It was an uncommon answer for Jeongguk. A lot was different.

"I understand. Just please know you can talk to me about anything, Guk. I want to help you."

"I know, but everything is alright."

His actions didn't match his words. Tae told himself to not be dramatic, that he simply had a lot to deal with. But then Jeongguk stopped visiting every day. He kept saying he was busy, and Taehyung knew he was, he knew the demands of the crown drained him, however he also knew there was something else happening. Even when Guk came to his chambers, his mind seemed to be elsewhere. He barely looked at him, barely smiled genuinely. Tae was aware he wasn't the most amusing company at the moment, but he thought Jeongguk didn't mind. He had been so loving up until the trip. Whatever happened on his time away, he refused to tell. Taehyung spent nights wondering what could have motivated the change, delving into the pits of overthinking. Maybe Jeongguk had gotten tired of him.

"Am I ugly?" He questioned when it was just him and Jimin. The possibility had also occurred to him. What if Jeongguk didn't find him as appealing with his face broken?

"What?" Jimin's brows furrowed, "Of course not."

"I know my face is swollen and scarred..."

"You have nothing to worry about, Tae," he insisted. However, Taehyung was not convinced.

"Can you give me a mirror?"

"Why are you suddenly worried about this?"

"Please."

He gripped Jimin, gazing at him pleading. The other sighed. He picked the round mirror up from the dresser and gave it to Tae. A stranger faced Taehyung back. A deformed face with scars on it, features twisted, pushed out of place, ratchet. It was like a child had drawn a portrait of him. His nose was a little crooked. Taehyung touched his own cheeks.

"This is not me."

"Tae, it will heal."

"Will it?" He yelped, letting the glass drop over the sheets, "This is why he stopped coming. He cannot stand seeing me this way."

Jimin's eyes widened a little, understanding what it was about.

"Tae, no," he rushed to deny, "how can you think that? Jeongguk loves you, he is simply busy."

Always the same excuse. Busy with what exactly no one told him.

"I do not believe you. He stopped coming and when he is here, he does not even look at me."

"If you do not believe me then ask him. He will tell you the same."

"He will lie like you."

He didn't want to be petty, much less become a burden to Guk. Being the emperor was a demanding position. But Tae could not help feeling hurt by his lack of attention. Childish behavior, yes, but also deeply human. And Taehyung never felt as conscious of his humanity as when it regarded Jeongguk. The good and the ugly. He a avoided thinking about it, however Taehyung couldn't scape his darkness: he was willing to kill to keep both himself and Guk alive. Depending on the situation, his ideal could turn into just speech. Perhaps Jeongguk had realized Taehyung was not as great as he originally thought, perhaps he had seen exactly how flawed the man was and fell out of love.

He wondered if Jimin had said something to Jeongguk, because that night he came by a littler earlier. He sat quietly at Taehyung's side, staring at what was left of his bitten nails.

"Look at me," Tae requested upset. Jeongguk forced his eyes to meet his. "Am I that horrible? You can't even look at me anymore?"

The emperor's jaw dropped.

"No-"

"Is it because of my face?" Tae questioned, the hurt exploding out of him. "Or the fact I was about to become a murderer to protect you? Do you think less of me? What is it, Jeongguk? Why don't you even look at me?"

"No, it is not about you!" Guk choked out, shaking his head vehemently. He clutched his own heart, trying to explain, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! You are just as beautiful as you have ever been to me, Taehyung. And I admire you even more for your resilience and courage. I love you even more, I promise you."

"You don't even come around anymore, Guk," he accused.

Taehyung hoped he didn't come off as whiny and needy as he imagined he did. He didn't want to act that way, but it had become too much to bear in silence.

"I am busy," he mumbled.

"Too busy for me?"

"It is not like that," Jeongguk affirmed, intertwining his finger with Tae's, "You are my priority. You are my life, Taehyung."

"You are hiding something from me, Guk," Jeongguk's gulp when he said it only confirmed Taehyung's suspicion, "I know you are. You are distancing yourself. Your eyes used to drip love and adoration. Now guilt is all I can see."

And it only increased when Taehyung pointed it out, the two dots turning darker when they lowered.

"I'm sorry. For everything. This is all my fault."

"I don't want your sorrow, Jeongguk. I never blamed you for this situation. I made my choices and they led me here. I am recovering well. You don't need to feel guilty."

"But I do feel guilty, Tae," he admitted frustrated, "I should have kept you safe."

Taehyung brought his face back towards him.

"I am my own person. I don't regret doing what I did. We are both alive, this is what matters. The past is gone. I need you now, Gukie."

"I am here," he pledged, gaze on him once more, "I love you. Only you, no matter what."

"I need more than words."

"I know. I'm sorry," a few drops got caught into his lashes, "I'm so sorry, Tae. I'm sorry. I promise you I will be better."

He closed in, taking Taehyung's lips in a salty kiss. Tae tasted his angst. Something was wrong, he just hoped they could overcome it. Jeongguk did try his best. Tae could almost ignore the voice in his head that told him he should worry. When Guk brought him flowers, when he came to dine with him, when he broke the rules and stayed the night watching over Taehyung, he felt the love he spoke of again. It lingered in the heat of his touch, in the kisses he gave him, was even back to his eyes. But a shadow remained there. He caught his melancholic expression on the corner of his sight, saw Jeongguk open and close his mouth always on the cusp of telling him something. But ultimately he chose silence. Jimin refused to comment on it too. Taehyung wished to be at ease and focus on the positive things of his life. His relationship was back to its usual, he didn't feel as much pain, Sora even said soon he would be walking again, but Taehyung couldn't undo the knot in his stomach. When Yoongi came to visit instead of the other two, Tae felt surprisingly relived, thinking maybe the general would not lie to him.

"Jimin asked me to bring you these." He placed a bowl of soup next to Tae's bed. "How are you?"

"Yoongi, what is happening?"

"You have to be more specific."

"Jeongguk and Jimin are hiding something from me."

The general thinned his lips, aware of the situation. Only Taehyung was kept in the dark.

"Why don't you ask them about it?"

"I did and they lied. I am asking you because I don't think you will try to convince me everything is alright."

Yoongi scratched his head with a deep sigh.

"You seem convinced there is a problem already, and you're right, I won't try to change your mind."

"Then tell me," he begged.

"Do you love, Jeongguk?"

The question took Tae off guard. He blinked, not quite understanding why Yoongi of all people was curious about his feelings.

"I was willing to die to protect him, what do you think?"

"Then trust him. He will tell you when he is ready."

"I do trust him, but I'm scared. I cannot stand being impotent and ignorant in this room anymore. And his secrets make me more restless."

Yoongi sighed with a small nod.

"I understand, Taehyung, but the best you can do now is to trust Jeongguk and be patient."

Tae chewed the inside of his cheek. Yoongi had a point. If Jeongguk wasn't being open with him then there must have been a reason. He should know better. Jeongguk always had his wellbeing in mind. After all he had done for Taehyung, he had earned his blind trust. Part of Tae even felt ashamed for being insecure and weak, when Jeongguk had proven his heart time and time again.

"Fine, I will," he decided, making Yoongi a bit less tense, "thank you for putting sense into me."

He pushed the fears to the back of his mind, shushing the voices that created problems. If it was something serious Jeongguk would tell him. He would. A much better way to spend his energy was focusing on healing. His improvement was certainly reason for celebration. After much effort, Taehyung was able to walk with support once again, a small victory that felt huge. Instead of wondering what was on Jeongguk's mind whenever they got together, Taehyung decided he should simply cherish his company. Despite the secret that created distance among them, Jeongguk found the way back to him, striving to keep close, to make him feel loved.

"You cannot stay," Tae whispered with sadness.

Jeongguk's fingers grazed his stomach. Their bodies fit the shape of one another not quite perfectly, but they had learned to mold. Both were beginning to doze off and Guk had to be back at his bedroom instead of tangled with him.

"I can," his lips were planted on Taehyung's shoulder.

"If you get caught-"

"Don't worry, love. It is alright. I can stay."

"You are risking yourself, Gukie."

"This is what we do when it comes to each other, isn't it?" He teased, nibbling him. "Trust me, it is taken care off. Tonight I get to stay."

Tae didn't want to argue, no, he'd much rather relish in his caresses. Good sense could wait until morning.

"Alright then. I am happy to have my Gukie back."

Jeongguk's mouth lost touch with his skin.

"Forgive me if I ever failed to make you feel loved, Tae. Please never doubt that all I do, I do thinking of you, of your health and safety."

Taehyung traced the veins on the back of his hand.

"I know. And you don't need to apologize. I imagine things must have been difficult for you as well."

"A lot."

"Then talk to me," he pleaded, "share the weight with me when it is too much to bear. Don't push me away."

"I am scared, Tae," he buried his face on Taehyung's hair, "I have been waking and sleeping with the fear that I might lose all that matters to me. The only moment I feel relieved is with you."

"You don't need to be afraid. You won, Guk."

"At high costs. Higher than anyone expected. It was not a triumph, Tae."

"You are doing a great job and you have people who love you and are here for you through thick and thin. There is no reason to fear."

Jeongguk's short breathes hit his neck.

"I was threatened, what I love was threatened. I never want to be this fragile again. I never want you to be in danger because of me again, Taehyung."

"It is alright now, Gukie," he caressed his arm, "We are safe."

Jeongguk held him even closer. His heart beat through both of them.

"And this is how I want to keep it, forever. I am weak, Tae, and I need you. I need you a lot. Please forgive me."

Taehyung turned in his embrace, coming face to face with him. He brushed his fringe back.

"You are not weak. And stop apologizing already, love." Taehyung kissed his jaw. "I am with you, come what may."

Jeongguk's lips glued to his forehead. He hugged Taehyung protectively, as if he feared someone would come and pluck him away from his arms.

"I want this moment to last forever. I want us to have a future, Tae, a safe one, no more threats."

"We will, love. I'm staying with you for a long long time."

To Taehyung's surprise Jeongguk started to spend more nights with him with no apparent consequences. Or at least none he heard of. Whenever he asked, Guk said he didn't need to worry. Taehyung listened, too happy in that bubble to try to burst it. He was drunk in the idea they really could have a wonderful life together, despite the challenges. But all bubbles eventually burst. Taehyung was dropped to shatter against the ground.

Tae got permission from Sora to walk with crutches. He couldn't do much exercise, it tired him quickly, but being able to stroll around the palace already satisfied him for the time being. Between going back to his city then to the battlefield and to be trapped in bed, Tae felt he had become almost unfamiliar with the state. It was certainly busier than memory told him, servants running around agitated, carrying sheets and flowers and trays.

"Oh, you are on your feet again?" Taehyung's eyes rolled instinctively when he recognized that dreadful voice. "The peace was nice while it lasted."

"I don't have time for you," he retorted, walking away, but Seokjin was faster. In a blink, he was beside the limping Taehyung.

"If you are looking for Jeongguk, I should let you know he is awfully busy with the visiting emissaries. But I can deliver a message for you, I am on the way to meet with him and our guests."

Tae glared at him, made uneasy by his cold smile.

"Thank you for your concern, Seokjin, but it is not needed. I was not going to see Jeongguk anyway."

"Good, he should not be bothered today. Our emperor has too much on his mind already. They say planning a wedding can be quite the hassle."

That made Taehyung halt. Guk had mentioned nothing about any ceremonies. Who was getting married?

"What?" He peered at Seokjin's tight lipped smirk. "What wedding?"

"Oh," he covered his mouth, but Taehyung doubted he had let anything slip, "you had not heard about it yet? This is strange, I was sure you would have been told already given how... Close you and the emperor are."

"What are you talking about?" Taehyung lost his patience, the other's amusement aggravating him. Seokjin licked his plump lips, savoring the words he was about to say before they rolled out of his tongue.

"About Jeongguk's wedding with the princess Jieun of course."

The wooden crutch hit the ground.

Notes:

Aaaaaa this chapter was an emotional rollercoaster. And it was long. So tell me: do you believe Seokjin? What are your thoughts on Jeongguk's behavior and the possible wedding? How do you think Tae will react? Did you miss Namjoon? I missed him. I hope you liked this chapter, I tried to speed up the story a little.

I can't believe I managed to post 3 chapters in a month's time! This is character development. Thank you so much for reading, please talk to me in the comments they really make my day. See you next chapter 💕

P.S.: did you see the new Bangtan Bomb? So cute!

Edit: I just realized it's been a little over a year since i started posting this baby here on ao3!!! Happy anniversary! I'm so proud of the way it's turning out and I love it so much. Thank you for all the comments and kudos, you guys are amazing readers ❤

Chapter 34

It made no sense. Taehyung understood the words, yet they seemed foreign given how absurd. Nothing Seokjin said made sense. He stared at the snake hoping to have heard it wrong.

"Jeongguk... Getting married?"

Married to someone else. Seokjin snickered, taking pleasure in his distress.

"Do not tell me you are surprised, Taehyung. It was going to happen sooner or later. You should be happy for your friend."

Flames torched Taehyung's insides, suffocated him with smoke. It was a lie, had to be. Tae refused to believe. No, there was no way his Gukie would do that. He wouldn't commit that betrayal.

"You are lying," Tae screeched, only making him laugh more.

"Oh you wish I was, don't you? I imagine it must be difficult to accept you were truly no more than a replaceable trophy, but ask anyone and they will confirm it. A shame that Jeongguk did not think about telling you. It really seems you are not the emperor's favorite, after all."

His  venom clogged up Taehyung's veins. Jeongguk loved him. He would not marry someone else. He would not lie to him about it. He wouldn't cheat, wouldn't turn his back on him. But he had been hiding something. The apologies, the distance, the guilty in his eyes, puzzle pieces joined slowly to form an ugly picture. Could Jeongguk have been lying for that long? Could he kiss him and spend nights in his bed and profess his love all the while preparing to marry another person? Taehyung did not want to believe so, however the more he thought about it the more the past days made sense.

He damned his weak legs and the annoying crutch that didn't let him move faster. Seokjin's victorious laughter rang in his ears. Tae needed to reach the safety of his chambers before he undid in tears. He told himself to not give up hope yet. Seokjin could have been lying just to pester him. It would not be above him to do such. There was a chance none of that was real. He hoped it was not. Or that it was a misunderstanding, any other explanation that did not involve Jeongguk deceiving him. Jimin waited him in his bedroom, humming some lullaby peaceful and ignorant to his affliction. He smiled upon seeing Taehyung.

"Good to see you already up!" Did he know? He had to. If it was true, Jimin knew all about it. And he lied to his face as well. "I thought we could go on a walk..." he finally noticed Taehyung's quivering lip, the enthusiasm fading at once. "Are you alright?"

"Is it true?" Taehyung heaved, "The wedding," Jimin paled at that cursed word, but Taehyung still clung to a shred of hope, "please say it is not true."

Jimin held his stare, pome moving with a gulp.

"Tae," he whispered, a sad compassion tangible in his hoarse voice, "it is not what it seems-"

The flood couldn't be held anymore. An anguished howl clawed out of Taehyung's burning shell. Jeongguk really had let go, let Taehyung fall and crash on his own. Of all the troubles and frustrations they had endured together finally they met one that broke them apart. Jimin came to his aid, wanting to offer him comfort, but Taehyung shoved him away.

"Leave!"

Jimin tilted his head, looking about to cry as well. His small hands were over his chest.

"Tae, forgive me."

"You knew! All this time you knew!"

"Yes, but-"

"Of course you knew, you are his best friend!" Taehyung hated himself for his idiocy. He had been such a fool to think he belonged there, that he was finding a new family. He was nothing but a stranger. "I thought you were my friend too. I thought- I thought I could trust you, Jimin."

"You can!" Jimin clutched his shoulders, not ready to give up. "I am your friend, Tae, but I could not tell you before he did. It wouldn't have been right."

"What was right then?" Taehyung questioned, stepping away from his hold, "To let me suffer and think there was something wrong with me? You watched me wait like a damn idiot for some of his attention everyday while he was planning a wedding with someone else! You saw how upset I was, how I doubted myself, and you did nothing. How do you still have the courage to call yourself my friend?"

Jimin looked down, unable to counter that.

"Please, try to understand," he insisted on reaching out to him, "it was not my place to tell you. All I could do was urge Guk to do so and I did, Tae, I did it many times."

That only buried the knife deeper into Taehyung. How many nights had Jeongguk lied to him? Tae asked him about it repeatedly, he gave Jeongguk all the chances to be honest and the emperor had chosen to fool him over and over again.

"Give him a chance to explain," Jimin pleaded. He was only a true friend to Jeongguk.

"I don't want to see you or him," Tae determined, pulling the door of his bedroom open for Jimin, "I don't want to hear any more lies. Leave me alone."

Jimin stared into his eyes seeming to want to stay, but perhaps realized nothing would make it better at that moment. He abided, leaving Taehyung to his sorrow. Tae locked the door to prevent Jeongguk from barging in and breaking him. Taehyung was weak. Desperate to believe their relationship meant to the emperor as much as it did to him, that he had not given his heart away in vain. He would cling to any lie at the moment, dive into his illusion. All he had said... How much of it had been real? What was Taehyung to him if he could so easily spouse someone else without even talking about it? A trophy, an object to be discarded. Seokjin was right. Jeongguk got tired of him, Taehyung became replaceable.

He curled on the ground, sobs hurting his pressured ribs, ending his voice. Strength faded with every hiccup, giving place to an overwhelming sense of defeat. Jeongguk had taken over him like he had taken over his city, destroying everything on his way, some sick challenge to feed his vanity. And stupid Taehyung had let him inside the walls. The sacrifices he had done, the hardships he had been willing to face to be with someone who was ready to abandon him. Punches and kicks felt less painful and humiliating than the crushing disappointment. Taehyung had nothing left. His family was gone, he had no home, his friends could not be trusted, the man he loved had fooled him. He should have gone with Namjoon, gone with untouched sweet memories. There was no relief to Taehyung's pain anymore, Jeongguk was not there. He had never truly been. It was all a fantasy like the Jungs had said, Taehyung had built a sand castle that collapsed. Violent knocks on the door thundered over his wails. The wood trembled, threatening to break from the rails.

"Taehyung," he whimpered, knocking insistently, "please open up!"

Tae buried his head on his hands in an unsuccessful attempt of shushing his hiccups. He hated himself for how much he wanted to let Jeongguk in.

"Open this door, please," his words lacked air. Taehyung heard nails scratch the wood. "Please, listen to me. I can explain all this, it is not what it seems, I swear."

No explanation would change reality.

"I am so sorry." He had begun to cry too. It only made Tae angrier. How did he dare to cry after he had caused that mess? It was his own doing, no one else's. He did not deserve sympathy. "It is all an arrangement. I don't love her. It is only you. It has only ever been you."

Taehyung covered his ears, not wanting to fall for his lies again. It was so easy to believe him, believe the despair in his hoarse voice. To want to fall back into the comfort of his arms and forget everything.

"Please talk to me. Please...," there was thud, the door shook slightly, "I will stay here until you open this door. I am not leaving, Tae. I need us to talk."

That was the Jeongguk he knew, obstinate, determinate, passionate. The Jeongguk who would go to the end of the world for him, that would never give up on their future. Or so he thought. Tae had been so wrong.

Sniffs outside joined his, both boys sinking into regret and melancholy. The sun slowly died outside, darkness involving Taehyung. It leaked from him, dominated the room. He ran out of tears. Jeongguk's shallow breaths indicate he hadn't. It became unbearable to listen. Tae wiped the mess of water and snot he had turned into, but the swollen red face gave him away. His head was heavy like his body, but he stood up tall. Tae opened the door at last. Jeongguk fell inside, hitting the ground. He stared at Taehyung above him with dazed doe eyes, unable to react for an instant. Then the wheels turned and he gathered himself up. His shoulders stayed down though. His hand rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head. Maybe it was his way of avoiding Taehyung's hard stare.

"Tae," he whispered, the call seeming to clog up his throat again.

Jeongguk's distraught state stung on Taehyung's cracked heart. He twitched to bring him to his shoulder for comfort. At the same time it was slightly satisfying to see him destroyed as well. Guk should feel guilty, he should suffer the consequences of his choice. He should feel the ache Tae did. Love was dangerous, the priests had said. He understood why.

"Leave. I don't want to speak to you."

The shreds of his voice felt colder than any winter. Jeongguk bit his bottom lip, drawing blood from it.

"I am so sorry, I-"

"Save it," Tae cut him short, "I heard it before."

Jeongguk gulped, his leg started shaking.

"I- I know you are hurt-"

"Oh, so you finally acknowledge my feelings?"

Guk blinked at him staggered, struggling with broken sounds in a search for words.

"Please... Please, give me a chance to explain. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but please, please," his knees met the ground, "please, I am begging you to not leave me yet. At least listen to me."

Taehyung was taken aback by his action, peering at the urge in his wet eyes. He could not give in.

"I do not want to listen to lies," he muttered to remind himself.

"Tae, I do not love her," he repeated insistent, "I never will. This is all politics, believe me."

"It does not change the fact you are marrying her and you did not tell me."

"I was going to."

"When?" He questioned, making Jeongguk gulp. "When she arrived? At the wedding day? How long were you planning to let me believe you loved me?"

"But I do love you," he vowed broken, "I am yours, Taehyung, body and soul."

Tae could not bear to watch tears stream down his cheeks. He was drained, conflict tired his mind.

"If you feel any of this love you claim, if you have an ounce of respect for me, Jeongguk, leave me alone for now. I do not want to talk to you, I do not want to even look at you. At the moment, I actually wish to forget you exist so stay away from me."

Jeongguk stumbled back with the blow, Taehyung's heavy words making him disoriented. Hands were tight around his waist in a self hug, becoming small. His head moved in a small nod.

"I will give you space, but please talk to me when you feel ready, Tae. I will wait for you and I will keep believing in us."

Taehyung didn't watch him go, chin stuck to his chest. He fell limp onto the bed. The covers reeked of Jeongguk. To think he had been happy thinking they almost had a normal couple's life, sleeping and waking together. He was probably only preparing for when his wife came. The woman that would have the life Taehyung craved while he sat lonely in the shadows to watch. He had truly delved into the delusion that he was Jeongguk's future. Of course Tae knew they would never get married, he had accepted it. He had accepted to hide and only have him at certain moments. But he had never imagined Jeongguk would leave their secret garden for something else. He hoped sleep would ease the emotional pain, like it helped for the physical one, but all he could dream off was Guk turning his back on him.

No one entered his bedroom for a few days other than Sora and servants. He did not leave much either. After craving freedom for so long, Taehyung chose the safety of his chambers to avoid undesired meetings. Jimin came around attempting to apologize, but Tae refused to listen. Jeongguk did not dare to go to him again. Taehyung spotted him from his balcony, exercising down at the training centre's open field. Part of him thought Guk went outside to get a glimpse of him. If he was honest, Tae would admit he did the same.

Ink ended on his features, books ended on his name, Taehyung's day ended with him at the balcony watching the emperor run an athletic circuit until exhaustion. Taehyung missed him like he had missed walking when he was bed ridden, a part of him unattainable. Past the initial fury, bleak grief consumed him. It allowed for him to think a bit rationally again though. Avoiding him forever was not an option. They weren't kids anymore to pout and refuse to speak to one another. Despite the hurt, Tae knew after all they had been through together Jeongguk deserved a chance to explain himself. Even if his explanation was not enough, even if it would not fix anything, Taehyung wanted to hear it. He wanted so desperately to forgive Jeongguk. And then what? Their relationship would end ultimately, no matter his decisions. Nevertheless, he wanted to know what made Jeongguk think it was not worth fighting for them anymore. It couldn't all have been a lie. Taehyung relived each of their moments together. People could not fake something so strong. Jeongguk had to love him, at least a bit. But it wasn't enough. Politics, of course, had more weight. He should understand. It was merely a practical decision. He should not take it personally. However, despite what he had been taught, despite what he had told Jeongguk to do, Taehyung had a hard time silencing his feelings.

Once the storm passed, and his mind cleared a bit, Tae decided it was time to talk. In a restless night the desire to see Jeongguk became too intense. His intuition told him Guk would be just as much if not more agitated with the separation. And if it was the case, Tae knew where he would go. If it wasn't, at least the walk would be better than tossing and turning.

Taehyung was not sure if he was prepared to be alone with him again. He was hungry for Jeongguk, but still too upset. The warm touch could burn. He needed to be careful, rational. Still his heart danced to drums when he made that familiar path. Jeongguk's sounds could be heard the closer Tae got to their spot. He was correct after all. The emperor had a sword in hands, attacking a wooden man like he had his worst enemy in front of him. He grunted, laying the frustration on the inanimate object, not even noticing the new presence.

"What did he do to make you hate him so much?" Tae asked low.

Jeongguk dropped the sword, turning around dumbfounded. He blinked a couple times, certifying it was not a vision, then dashed towards Taehyung without second thought. Tae became rigid when Jeongguk embraced him. He didn't react, hands fisted against his legs. It took the other a moment to realize he didn't want that contact and to let go, ashamed.

"Sorry," he stepped back, drawing his hands to his back, "I got excited.... I have been missing you, Tae. So much."

Taehyung rubbed his elbow, avoiding to respond even though the feeling was mutual.

"You said you had explanations for me. I am ready to listen."

Guk wiped the sweat of his forehead, straightening his posture.

"First I want to apologize for keeping it from you. I know it is not enough, and that you are tired of hearing it, but my sorrow will make me keep apologizing for this mistake. I was afraid to tell, of how you would react. I was also very ashamed. I know I let you down and I hate myself for saying yes to this deception. I didn't want you to hate me as well."

Tae folded his arms, peeking at him hesitant.

"I would have never reacted well, but the fact you hid this from me for so long when I asked a number of times and gave you all the chances to tell me makes everything worse, Jeongguk."

"I know," he lowered his head, "I wanted to tell you so many times, but I always froze and gave up. I kept postponing it, as if ignoring the problem would make it go away. I wanted to stay in the bubble with you. It was immature-"

"Yes, it was," Tae complained, "and I got hurt because of it. I noticed something was wrong, you are a bad liar, Jeongguk. You could have been honest from the start so at least I wouldn't have spent days worried, wondering what had gone wrong in our relationship."

It was bitter to recall the sleep he lost over that, how he had blamed himself when Jeongguk was the only one to blame.

"I know, Tae. I did everything wrong," he admitted, twisting his bitten fingers, "I couldn't tell and I also felt guilty and couldn't hide it."

"You did and it became something much worse than it should have been. You knew how I was feeling vulnerable, how I was concerned. You should have told me."

"I should. I cannot put into words how much I regret being a coward. I have been living in this regret the past days. You are all I think about, Tae. All I can do is apologize again and again and promise you I will not make the same mistake."

"Stop making promises," Taehyung requested, "you already broke the ones you made."

Jeongguk looked almost offended by Taehyung's words.

"Tae, you have to know know this is all a political arrangement. Do not think for even a moment that it is not you I love and want to be with."

"Then what happened?"

"It was the diplomatic trip," he sighed grim, "I imagined it would be a delicate situation, but things were even more difficult. My authority has been crumbling. The rumors about instability at the capital, about me and you have reached further than they should have. This is not a simple situation."

Taehyung folded his arms, pouting slightly.

"I know, but you are the most powerful man in this land, Jeongguk."

"And my power comes from my troops," he countered dismayed. "Most of the places I conquered accepted to bow at some point, pled allegiance to me. My army only got as big as they are due to me absorbing other armies from these regions. But the cities that are far are harder to keep control off. I have some of my best soldiers commanding these places, but there are still years of history and traditions between those people that I do not share, you still have prominent figures there much more present than me. The bigger the kingdom, the easier it is to lose hold of it. At the frontier villages it is worse. Just outside our limits is Tanrong. They have been exerting influence over my territories that are near it. No war threats, just emissaries, donations, things that can go unnoticed. They were allies too, but king Sungmin refused to answer to my call to arms. He said I was too distant, that he had heard certain things that made him doubt our victory, doubt me... So he decided to sit it out. Some of the soldiers who were supposed to serve me followed due to his influence. I was at a tricky position. If I punished them, it would push the rest closer to Tanrong."

"But Tanrong is such a small kingdom, Jeongguk," Taehyung argued, recalling the beautiful maps on his father's office, "our army surely outnumbers theirs."

"They are small, but rich. If I defy Sungmin a war would be on the horizon. Yes, we can win, but at this moment such fight would fragilize us to the point the kingdom would break, Tae. Our resources are at limit now, we poured more than we should have into combating Li Yei and, even if we won, I was unable to kill him. Another war now would mean the death of us. At the same time, I risk losing more of my power in the region, Sungmin is a great strategist, he could turn against us and ally with Li Yei if he thinks it would be more advantageous to him. We went to visit his court, to reaffirm our alliance and he told me of his concerns towards me, what made him and others hesitant to support me and my ruling."

"Lacking an heir?" Tae guessed hopeless, "Your lack of support from the council? The changes you are making? Because of me," Taehyung concluded disheartened.

Every threat to Jeongguk's throne had the same name. The words from the soldier that nearly killed Taehyung haunted him. Had he died, Jeongguk truly would be rid of a problem.

"It is not your fault, Taehyung," he affirmed, noticing Tae's spiral into self loathing, "I am in love with you and the rest are decisions I made for myself. Sadly, some of them were not well received. The need for an heir is the most presssing matter now for security reasons, specially after I came closer to death than I have in years. He then said he thought I had great potential, that he finds me quite competent and offered me a solution to these issues. He has a daughter..."

"And you are going to marry her."

Jeongguk nodded imperceptibly, clenching his jaw.

"I refused at first, Tae,mI said so many nos to the point Yoongi and Bogum intervened. They insisted with me, told me it was the best for the kingdom, that it would keep us all safe and bring prosperity with broader access to Tanrong's riches, that we would peacefully unite both kingdoms into a state so powerful no one would dare to go against it. I still said no. Then Yoongi told me it would protect both of us. Getting married and providing the empire with heirs will ease a lot of tension and deviate eyes from us. We can have a future together without having to worry about answering to other people," he said almost excited by that dream, as if it did not come with high costs, "as long as I have a wife and children to show off no one will care about who I truly love. It will keep you safe, Tae. The council won't have reason to antagonize you as much anymore. And there will be no more wars. The only reason we became so fragile was because we lost allies. We had less soldiers, young boys had to go to the field before they were ready, you saw them. Our resources were at limit. You saw who I had to protect me at the camp... The boy that was with you, trying to delay the enemies, Jae-"

"Is he alright?" Tae asked at the memory of those big scared eyes that name evoked. Jeongguk's gloomy expression answered.

"He is dead, Tae. Just a kid. It should never have happened. More of them died that day to protect me. You almost died. You were so close to death, Taehyung, because of my weakness. Had you..." Jeongguk's voice faded. He took a deep breath, rubbings his eyes. "I cannot let it happen ever again. It was my fault, so I must fix it."

"So you are going to sacrifice your happiness?"

"To keep you alive and safe, yes. But I am still hoping that there is a chance for us to go forward together despite this new bump on the road."

Taehyung frowned.

"You want to stay together despite the wedding?"

Jeongguk stepped into his space, walking over the borders Taehyung had tried to establish again. Fringe fell a little over his bright irises, not cut properly. His short breaths hit Tae's lips.

"I know it is a lot to ask, but I love you too much to not want to try. We can still be together in private. Jieun will have her own chambers, the marriage will only be for appearances purposes. It is you that I want to sleep and wake up next to everyday, whom I want to have by my side and share everything with."

Taehyung tried to imagine that alternative. It seemed so easy when he put like that. Two people who loved each other and wanted to be together, it should be as simple as that. But there were factors they could not ignore, numbers that did not add up.

"You will still be married to her," he shone light on the ugly truth, turning his face away, "she will bare your children. Jeongguk, you... You will lie down with her."

"It won't mean anything," Jeongguk assured, but the thought of him with someone else nauseated Taehyung. Their nights together were amongst the most beautiful moments of his life. It was wrong for Jeongguk to share that bind with anyone else.

"It means a lot to me," Tae argued, "you know it. I cannot fathom how you will share this intimacy with her and then come to my room after."

"It won't mean anything because I do not and will not ever love her."

"And what if you come to develop feelings for her?" It was a possibility. Taehyung was fairly certain he had read some tale like that. They would share something him and Jeongguk never could. "You will be a family, I am a loose end."

"You are my family, Taehyung." Jeongguk clutched his hand in reflex. Tae did not pull away. "I want you to be. At most, all I'll feel for her is friendship, as I do for Jimin. I am yours already, nothing will change that."

"You are asking me to stand by and watch you promise your life to somebody else, to live in the shadows as she is by your side, to see you two raise your children together. It will hurt, Guk."

Jeongguk tilted his head morose, thinning his lips.

"I know you deserve better and I wish I could give it to you. I wish everything could be different, but this is our only chance to be together, Tae. There was no other possibility, even without the wedding we would have to live hiding."

"But it would be just the two of us."

"Where it matters it still will."

"I am not sure about this..."

"Please, consider it. We can still be happy together, Tae."

"When is she coming here?"

"In about fourty days or so."

"So this is the time we have left of life as we know it."

"Not much needs to change."

Taehyung was beginning to question wether Jeongguk was genuinely naive or simply choosing ignorance.

"I want to believe this, Guk, I really do, but it will be a big change. Someone else is coming into your life to take an important role."

"Not more important than yours."

"But this is the thing: I do not want to compete."

"It is not competition, Taehyung, when you have won already."

Tae broke the contact of their hands, arms coming close to him again in a shield. As much as he wanted Jeongguk, Taehyung was not sure he could handle the life he proposed.

"I will think about it, Guk."

Though it wasn't the answer he wanted, the fact he could have hope seemed to uplift Jeongguk's mood.

"Alright. Thank you for listening to me."

Taehyung wished he could be as optimistic as him. Though he was not certain optimism was the right word. The determination in Jeongguk's eyes was closer to despair.

"I should go."

"Don't you want to stay a little longer?" Guk tried, not giving up on him. "It has been quite a while since we last trained together. I miss it."

Tae missed it too. Being back to that spot made him realize how much. That was the first place he had felt comfortable next to Jeongguk, the soil where their relationship slowly blossomed. Pettiness told him to go, but part of Tae was afraid they wouldn't have more moments like that soon,

"We don't even need to speak," the emperor added, "I just want to be near you."

Taehyung craved to be next to him as well.

"Fine," he agreed, causing a smile to light up Guk's face, "I cannot do much yet, though."

"I was actually thinking about strengthening your limbs... I know Sora is worried about this, you have spent a long time lying down. It's gonna take some effort to get rid of the crutches."

"Everything is taking effort these days. If you can help, that would be good."

They sat down facing one another. Tension lingered on the air, but Jeongguk was determined to climb the wall Taehyung had built, like he had so ably done before.

"Can I touch you?" He asked a little awkward.

Tae waved his hand telling him to go ahead.

"Nothing new to you."

Guk chuckled and pushed the layers of Taehyung's s clothes away to examine his leg. Tae's lids shut upon the caress of his fingers. He ached for him. It was ridiculous, only a few days they had been apart. Jeongguk's palms glued to his feet, pressuring them back until Taehyung's knees were at 90 degrees.

"Come on push me."

Tae obeyed. Or tried to. His legs felt flimsy, falling to the side when he moved them. Jeongguk laughed a little when he huffed, fixing their position. Wrinkles appeared around his eyes, the smile reflected in them. Taehyung felt his own lips turning up involuntarily.

"This should not be so hard."

"You are doing good, Tae," Guk complimented, not giving up on the exercise, "you will be fully recovered soon. Just a few scars to tell the story."

His thumb traced a white mark on Taehyung's calf.

"Like you."

"No, yours are far more beautiful."

"Yours are beautiful too, Guk. We should not be ashamed of them. They are like tree rings, a testament that I am alive still, that I am growing, that I am stronger. "

He thought about Jae's childish features, eyes wide in fear, looking at him from the opposite tree before jumping to his death. He thought of the faces that had been erased from his city when he last went there. Tae had been lucky, he should appreciate it, or else what would be the point?

"I saw my brother," Taehyung told him out of a sudden, making Jeongguk freeze.

He had kept that special moment to himself, not entirely sure of what had happened. His hug, his voice, his beam were so lively Taehyung had to question wether it had been simple imagination. He did believe in some way Namjoon had visited him.

"What?" Jeongguk peered at him confused.

"While I was unconscious," Tae explained, aware he probably sounded delusional, "I was back in my city, or it looked like it, at least, and he was there. I know it was really him, Guk."

"Tae, that is...," he mumbled dazed, "That is lovely."

"You don't believe me, do you?"

Guk thinned his lips.

"I don't believe much, but I do believe you, Tae. I am glad you got to meet him again."

"So am I. He looked just like I remembered, maybe better. We talked a bit... I heard you while I was there too. He said you wouldn't stop crying. I heard you ask me to come back, Guk."

"I did, repeatedly."

"Hyung told me I could choose to move on or stay. I chose to stay. I asked him for forgiveness, told him I felt guilty for not saving him, for loving you. And he did not blame me at all, Guk. Even the biggest burden of my life, the death of my mother when she gave birth to me, is not something to feel guilty over, he said. He is with her and he told me she is happy with her choice for me to live. Jae and the rest of your soldiers made their choice too, Guk."

"Tae-"

"I know you feel responsible," Taehyung interrupted, not letting Jeongguk argue, "but you shouldn't torture yourself. I wish all of this could have been different, I truly do, but all you can do for them now is to live a worthy life. Do not let this guilt grow into you, Jeongguk, or it will suffocate you slowly. Do the best you can and remember them."

Guk brought Taehyung's feet down to his lap, massaging them. He nodded, head down.

"I will keep this in mind." He eyed Tae with a small smile on the corner of lips, "You are my favorite person to talk to. Thank you for staying with me, Tae. I hope you will choose to stay once more."

"You are making it difficult for me to think rationally," Taehyung whined, hugging his knees.

"Maybe thinking too much is a problem," Jeongguk leaned forwards to cup his cheeks, "We love each other, what else is there to think about?"

He moved Tae's face up and brought their lips together. Taehyung didn't resist. He didn't want to be parted from Jeongguk. If he had to leave at the end, if he had to lose his love, then at least Tae wanted to cling to him a little longer.

"Forty days," he murmured when the kiss found a breath, "I will promise these forty days, Guk, while I think on your request. I do not know wether I can stand to share you, but I want to cherish this time we have left whatever the end may be."

Jeongguk accepted the offer gladly. He dressed him in kisses. He didn't leave Taehyung that night. Nor the next ones. There was an unspoken rule to not discuss the elephant in the room, to not ruin the moment. But it lingered at the back of Taehyung's mind. Every time Guk had a meeting with the council, he knew what the topic was, so he stopped going to those. He heard the servants chatting about the preparations they had to make, which room she would take. Images of a wedding that should, but never would be his plagued his mind. Doubts over their relationship kept him awake in Jeongguk's arms, listening to the emperor's breaths wondering how much longer that could last. When he spotted Jimin sitting on a bench on the palace's internal patio he felt drawn to him, the emotions begging to be let out. Taehyung had yet to accept his apologies. Having forgiven Jeongguk it became stupid to be angry with Jimin. He sat next to him, sweaty hands twisting. The boy looked up from his book, brows raising when he saw his company.

"Taehyung-ssi."

"I still feel a little upset," he started, "but I miss you so much. And I need to talk to someone or else my feelings will drive me mad."

"Then talk to me," Jimin said promptly, closing his read to give him full attention.

"Jeongguk asked me to stay with him despite the wedding," Tae went straight to the point, "he said this is all just for show, diplomacy. And the real relationship will be with me."

"I am not surprised he asked."

"Me neither. And though I was hurt and confused, I believe this is what he thinks will happen. But I am not sure it is as simple as he makes it out to be. She will be his wife. The mother of his children. And I..."

"You will be Taehyung, his only love," Jimin grabbed his hands between his smaller ones.

"For now," Taehyung verbalized what concerned him, "I cannot shake away the feeling I will end up hurt here. I am already hurt. I understand why he did it, but the fact he accepted to marry someone else really pains me, Jimin. I knew we would not have a public love, but I assumed we could live like you and Yoongi."

"He is the emperor, Tae, he has different expectations to meet. And he only accepted it for you. Yoongi told me how awful things were at the battlefield. He was the one who found you hanging on for dear life, along with Bogum. They got to the kid first-"

"Jae."

"He was already dead. Then Yoongi saw you down, lying in the strangest position. He called, but you did not move at all, he thought you were most likely dead too and it terrified him to the point he froze. Bogum reacted quickly and checked your pulse and by some miracle you were still alive even if barely. As soon as they learned Guk was in Shinzo, you were immediately taken to be with him. Yoongi guarded you on the way there, he was responsible to let Jeongguk know about your state. Guk wanted to see you when he heard it, he fell off his bed trying to get to you, Yoongi had to hold him down so he wouldn't get more bruised. You looked like a corpse, Tae. He said Guk had a nervous breakdown and ordered for everything they had to be used against Li Yei, no caution or strategy anymore, he just wanted blood. At the end of the next day they retreated, Yoongi thinks the camp invasion was a last desperate attempt at turning it around. We lost many lives for this victory. The celebrations were small, the list of dead long. Jeongguk gave them all honors, compensated the families he could find to try to atone. And he almost lost you too. He was drowning in guilt, Tae. This marriage is his way to fix things, to redeem himself, to ensure a better future for all of us. Jeongguk is scared, you know his story. He accepted the marriage because of these reasons only."

"I know," he sighed, "but it does not change the situation."

"No, but this way you have the full context to make your decision. He loves you, Taehyung, with all he has. And I know you love him too."

"I want it to work, Jimin, I do."

"Then focus your energy into it. Forget your speculations and fears of the future and try to make it work. Fight before giving up. If anyone can do it, it is the two of you."

Jimin always helped to snuff out the clouds that hang over his head. He squeezed Taehyung's hand, showing him the most encouraging smile. One could never be angry at him for long. Jimin was undoubtedly a dedicate friend. His support and the emotional comfort he provided, reminded Taehyung of his brother. They both could make him feel better, no matter the circumstance. Everyone needed someone like that in their lives.

Taehyung followed the advice and cherished the last days of their paradise the most he had enjoyed any period in his life. Both men were fully invested into each other, into making every moment together count. But time was treacherous. It abided to no orders, fulfilled no wishes. It fleeced without their notice. Forty sunsets later, they had reached the path none wanted to go down. The night before the princess arrived. Jeongguk told him he would prepare "something special". Whatever the plans were, Tae was glad he would not be left to his monsters. When Guk arrived he immediately drove them away with a kiss. And Taehyung had no reason to fear.

"Dress something warmer," he advised when they separated, playing with Taehyung's collar.

"Why?" Tae questioned suspicious. The emperor had a sly smirk.

"You said you wanted to go to the beach with me, right? Do you think you are in condition to go?"

"Yes!" He blurted giddy, not allowing second thoughts.

Jeongguk laughed endeared by his excitement.

"I thought so."

Taehyung put on a thick cape, ready to face the chill outside. Going back to that beloved spot was something he had been craving for long, he wouldn't let the weather or his condition stop him from enjoying it with Jeongguk. The wind cut his cheeks when they left the palace, turned his nose dormant, but he didn't mind. Joy bubbled inside him as the traced the edge of the cliff, waves crashing against the rocks below. His good mood only took a jab when it came time to make the way down to the beach. It went even slower, Jeongguk was cautious in every step, making sure Tae was steady. Even with all the improvement they had been achieving together, he was still worried about his legs.

"This is the only part I do not like," Tae whined, holding tightly onto him. Guk's thumb caressed his hand soothingly.

"Keep focused on me, love. When we make it through you will be well rewarded."

Said and done. The moment Jeongguk's feet landed on the sand he lifted Taehyung up, saving him from the last steps, and peppered the scared boy with soft kisses. Tae giggled, squirming ticklish.

"Is it not worth it?" He asked, carrying him as if he weighed nothing. Taehyung nodded, tucking a rebel hair strand behind Jeongguk's ear.

"Very worth it."

Guk took him closer to the water line where a small boat waited.

"Sadly, we cannot swim today, but I thought of something else."

"Where did you get this?"

He put Tae inside it and pushed the boat over waves, then jumping in too.

"I have my ways."

Guk picked a neatly folded blanket from beneath his feet. He stretched it over both of them as they snuggled closer to keep warm. Nighttime had become Taehyung's favorite moment of the day, a constellation formed that only the two of them got to appreciate.

"Thank you for organizing this," Taehyung pecked the mole of his neck, "it is a wonderful surprise, Gukie."

Jeongguk's arms involved him in a tight hold.

"There is nothing I would not do for you. And tonight is special."

"Really? Why?"

"Because it has come the time for me give you your present, Tae."

Tae moved away to gaze at him intrigued.

"What present?"

"The one I got while I was traveling."

"You brought something for me?"

"Yes. I told you I would, didn't I?" He raised a brow smugly.

"You did, but I thought you had forgotten with everything that happened..." he bit his lip, stopping himself from bringing what they wanted to avoid up.

"I could not possibly forget it, you never left my mind, Tae." Jeongguk caught a lash from the tip of his nose, blowing it away. "I found something for you and I was just waiting for the right moment to give it."

Jeongguk reached for his pocket, and took a tiny bag from inside it. Tae observed curious as he turned it upside down, two tressed bracelets falling over his palm. Taehyung leaned in to take a better look, depending on the full moon glow to admire the pieces. They were exactly alike, a simple design, except one was red and the other blue.

"They are beautiful."

"They are not just an acessory, " Guk commented, playing with the present, "When I was little and we traveled through the land I visited many villages and got acquainted with a number of different traditions. There was this time we passed by a city when a celebration was happening. Not just any celebration, but a wedding. They carried a couple through the streets, threw flowers at them, sang traditional songs, just pure happiness. I vividly remember two strings, one blue and one red tying them together. I craved the same with my entire being. Living adrift, the idea of being permanently connected to something or someone was a dream. I passed by this village again during my journey and there was an old lady selling these. I immediately thought of you, Tae." He beamed, the stars in his eyes shining brighter. "My whole life I have been wishing and searching for a home, and now I have found mine, better than any wish I could have ever made. Symbols represent binds, you told me, like your tattoos, like these bracelets. I want to be bound to you for the rest of my life, Taehyung."

Taehyung stared at him silent, emotions fading with his voice. As much as Jeongguk had talked about their future many times, he had not expected that. It was not talk anymore. Guk was tying himself to him. He was choosing Taehyung in the way he could. And Taehyung wanted to believe it could be the way for them. All their steps, all their decisions, their fate, whatever it was, it had led them to each other, it would always bring them home. Taehyung could not leave, he didn't want to. Wherever he gone, he would be tugged, be pulled back to his other half. He gave in to the pull and plunged over him, hovering his sweet lips, fingertips holding his ears. The boat rocked when they fell back laughing into the other's mouth.

"Is this a your manner to say you want the same?" Guk asked teasingly, brushing Tae's hair away.

"Yes, Gukie," Tae traced his cheek, taking in his beauty, all he needed, "yes, of course I do."

"Then let me officialize it."

Jeongguk moved Taehyung from his chest gently, regaining his movements. Tae's smile rivaled the moon glow when he held his left wrist up to tie the blue string around it.

"Why am I blue?" He asked curious.

"Because blue is the prettiest color, the color of the ocean and clear skies," Jeongguk replied, kissing the knot, "it suits you. Or do you want to change it?"

"No," he shook his head grinning, "No, I love it. But you are prettier, Gukie."

Jeongguk snorted, shaking his head.

"Never."

"Don't laugh! You are beautiful," he flattered, making the other man grin timid, "and red is actually the most beautiful color in my opinion. It is passion, fire. It is perfect for you."

Despite the dark, Tae thought he could spot Jeongguk's cheeks turning a shade closer to his bracelet. Taehyung tied the string for him, kissing the knot as well.

"I love you," Guk whispered, taking his pinky finger, "I promise."

Taehyung brought their foreheads together, sharing his air with Jeongguk.

"I promise."

Notes:

Hello there! 302 kudos! Wow! This is so much! Thank you to everyone who is part of this, I'm amazed that so many people have liked my story!

Aaaaa I have so many feelings inside me after this chapter. I hope you do too. Did you like it? What did you think of Taehyung's and Jeongguk's actions? They are in such a mess, poor babies, but they still love ach other so much. The chuseok pics came out after I had written their engagement so my heart flipped when I saw it hahahaha. I missed all the boys a lot.

Please leave me comments they make me very happy and motivated. Thank you for the love and support! See ya 💕

Chapter 35

The corridors were noisy, servants going back and forth in their tasks. The birds chirped loudly, not letting Taehyung rest any second longer. It seemed they too sensed a storm incoming. He was in the eye of it. Tae should have preserved himself, cozy and quiet in his room, hoping it would pass him by. It was not a smart decision to run towards it, but he couldn't help himself, he had to see it, a morbid curiosity eating him away. He had almost forgotten it the past night, but the sun rose and, with it, Yoongi had come to drag Jeongguk out of his bed and Taehyung knew that day signalized a new beginning for them.

He played with the bracelet finding solace in the gift. Guk and him were bound to one another, there was nothing to be afraid of. There was everything to be afraid of. He could be losing what mattered most to him again. The horns had sounded when her carriage entered Jinse's walls and in a whim he decided he had to be there for her arrival. They would have to live together, why delay that meeting?

A crowd had gathered at the main stairs, a larger agglomeration bellow in the square, everyone eager to meet the future queen. Taehyung remembered the day he had arrived through that same path, unimportant, in shambles, marching into Jeongguk's world that became his.

"You came," Jimin commented in awe, eying him up and down.

"I had to," Tae stood next to him, shoulders pushed back,

"How are you feeling?" He questioned, straightening Taehyung's clothes. Tae just shrugged, not wanting to open his heart where so many could eavesdrop. Jimin showed him a little encouraging smile. "I know. But you look beautiful!"

Though Taehyung had said to Guk and himself he didn't want a competition, he was determined to keep all eyes on him, looking his best though he felt at his lowest. Not that it would make a diference. Jeongguk was not going to change his mind and Taehyung already had his heart. The new set of horns startled Tae. Without thought, the group made way for the king to pass, bowing in a coordinate movement. Taehyung didn't stand out anymore.

Jeongguk sparkled, jewelry scintillating in the faint winter sun. His face was somber though, in a contrast only Tae fully understood. He went to the front of the party, standing solemn as he waved to the people. Hooves thundered closer and closer. Then it came into sight. An entourage, about six carriages surrounded by soldiers, the biggest in the lead. They went through the final gates and came to halt right before the long stairs. Tae heard only his own rapid heart when a man jumped down his horse to open the door. Beautiful. Taehyung let out a small gasp. She was beautiful. Fair skin, much fairer than his, in contrast to long, silky dark hair. A doll the old maidens of his village painted to symbolize Meiren, goddess of beauty and spring.

Tae didn't want the burning feeling of the poison in his blood, he didn't want to hate her. It was not her fault she would get what should be his. It wasn't her fault she was perfect for Jeongguk and he wasn't. Yet he still hated her in that moment passionately, the anger making him nauseous. He wanted that woman to disappear. His wishes were unattended. The soldiers helped her step down of the carriage, so delicate and pristine, certainly no dark spots in her past. It was not fair. Of all the princesses he could have chosen...

"Princess Jieun," Jeongguk closed the distance, bowing. The girl mirrored the gesture. Taehyung raised his neck to better view their interaction. "It is great to see you again."

Again. He had seen her before, of course, when he was at Tanrong. It all made sense. Maybe that was why he said yes after all. Maybe he was dealing so well with the wedding because deep down he didn't think it was such great sacrifice.

"You're shaking," Jimin murmured, hand gripping his fist in an alert.

"You as well, my lord," she replied, fluttering her long eyelashes.

"Are you alright?" Jimin asked tense. Tae nodded, still focused ahead.

"How did you find the journey?" Guk inquired, hands resting behind his back. "And Jinse?"

"Your kingdom is full of charms," she smiled, "I am thrilled to get to know more of its wonders."

"I'm glad you think so."

Taehyung thought he could hear Jeongguk's own grin. He was simply being polite. Just polite. As he should.

"May I ask you to show me the city?"

Say no.

"Yes, of course."

Tae clenched his jaw. Jimin's nails punctured his skin.

"Lovely. Oh, let me introduce you," she stepped away, skirt dancing around her hips, "I brought some of my court with me, I hope you do not mind."

"Not at all."

"This is my governess, Ina... And my trusted general, Minhyun-"

"Maybe it is best if you leave, Tae," Jimin insisted by his ear. Taehyung frowned at him, irritated by his disturbance when he tried to analyze the scene before him,

"I am fine," he said through his teeth.

"No, you are not," Jimin slithered, "it is noticeable."

"Let me introduce you to my people as well," Guk said, calling Jieun up the stairs near him, "you are familiar with general Min and Bogum, of course..."

"Yes, it is great to meet again," she greeted. Taehyung felt slightly betrayed seeing both men smile back at her.

"This is my friend Park Jimin," Jimin let go of Taehyung, clearing away the signs of tension.

"Welcome to Jinse, princess."

"Thank you, it is a pleasure to meet you at last, Jimin-ssi. Jeongguk speaks highly of you," she eyed the emperor who shook his head in a mockery of a denial.

"Ah he is just good at flattery," Jimin quipped.

"I hope we can be good friends."

Taehyung resisted the urge to roll his eyes. But Jimin nodded enthusiastically, frustrating him.

"I hope so."

Jimin was there for Jeongguk in the end, he could not forget it. Whether it was Tae or someone else by his side it didn't matter. Taehyung was a replaceable piece. The mood changed when it was time to move on.

"And..." Jeongguk stopped in front of him, disconcerted by his unexpected presence, "and my other friend, Kim Taehyung."

"Oh! You are from the Ahreum valley, correct?" She asked right away, making Tae uneasy. Had she heard of him too? Did Jeongguk talk about him? But given the furrow of his brows Tae imagined it was not the case.

"How do you know?"

"The tattoos," she pointed, "these are Shan ritualistic tattoos."

"Ah. Yes."

Disappointment loomed on his heart thinking Guk probably had not mentioned him at all.

"I studied many different cultures with my tutor. He was specially enticed by yours."

"I see."

And she was knowledgeable as well. Of course she was.

"I look forward to getting to know you."

Tae made an effort to smile, but he was certain it fell flat.

"And there is Yugyeom as well..." Guk rushed to the next in line, trying to take her away from Taehyung.

Taehyung congratulated himself on acting at the very least politely despite his fury. After the brief introductions Jieun and her entourage were taken to see their chambers. Jeongguk followed, probably would spend the day around her. Tae remained in the same marble rigidness.

"You did well," Yoongi tapped his shoulder, before following. Tae scoffed at his approval, aware the general was probably thrilled his plans for Jeongguk were going right. He had warned Taehyung before that this would happen, warned him to not delude himself with Jeongguk. Certainly he didn't feel any compassion towards his pain.

"First challenge is overcome." Jimin rubbed his back soothingly. "We should think of something to do. It is good to keep yourself occupied."

"I would like to be alone now, Jimin," he muttered, stepping away from him.

"Oh. Alright. But talk to me if you need anything."

Tae hummed, going down the steps. He knew Jimin wanted to help, but he didn't understand what Tae felt like. He got keep his undisturbed bubble with Yoongi safe, no threats to his happiness in the horizon. No one understood how Taehyung was feeling, except maybe Jeongguk and, even then, he wasn't making the sacrifice Tae was. No, Jeongguk wouldn't lose anything out of that bargain, Taehyung was taking on all the cost. No words of comfort would remediate his pain unless they came from the person causing such hurt and he was busy at the moment. That would be the new pattern, better to get used to it. Jeongguk would be busy for him. Not just with governmental concerns anymore, but also maintaining a wedding. Soon, caring for his children. It was not his personal choice, politics always prevailed. If Taehyung would stay, he needed to understand the new circumstances and adapt. As long as Jeongguk was with him, he could do it. Certainly when he came around he would make it worth the effort. When Taehyung had him in his arms, he would know it was all worth it. The anger would fade with time, all he needed was to tolerate the newcomer. Tae could very well avoid her beyond official events. But tolerating her was difficult enough.

He walked around the city until blisters started forming on his feet. Tiring himself out seemed like the best option to release the repressed energy. He tried not to think too much about her exchange with Jeongguk, or what they were doing together. Living in his head was not good. Despite still being chilly in the city, the sun was high, burning Taehyung's cheeks. His fingers grazed over the mark left there by an enemy blade. She was unscathed. Tae shook his head, telling himself to shush those thoughts. Comparing would take him on a downward spiral.

He searched for distraction in his books, ever so safe and dependable companions. Those days Taehyung enjoyed rereading books he had read before the most. He liked to know the ending, if things would work out, no sudden turns or surprises to overwhelm him. He sat at a corner table, burying his head into the familiar pages. But not even his cherished library was a safe space anymore.

"It is still very recent..." the airy voice made Tae look up immediately, eager for him. The sight had his fastening heart trip on its beats, twisting. The book slipped down his hands. Jeongguk was there indeed, walking besides an impressed Jieun showing her around the library, Taehyung's library, maculating the paradise he had gifted him. "But it is a project very dear to me."

Taehyung dared him to tell her why.

"I am impressed, my lord." She admitted, looking up at the skylight. "Honestly the things we hear of Jinse are not the kindest. I expected a lot more violence and less books."

Guk snorted, face up to where the rays og light entered, perhaps remembering what Taehyung had thought about the city as well. Tae hoped so. He hoped Guk was at least thinking of him in that place.

"It is a common prejudice. The city had its dark period, I experienced it when I was younger... Since I took over, though, I have been striving to make it a place where everyone is welcomed, no matter who they are or where they come from. Jinse is quite multicultural and I'd like it to become as rich culturally as it is economically."

"That is a wonderful goal, my lord-"

"You may call me Jeongguk," he offered, "I don't mind."

Taehyung scrunched his nose. The way she smiled at Guk did not sit well with him.

"Alright then, Jeongguk," she nodded, facing the ground still with the stupid smirk Taehyung wanted her to wipe off her face. "You are quite the visionary."

"It is not me. I have been influenced and inspired by some great people. One in particular, actually..."

Jieun caught Taehyung's aggressive staring. Tae lowered his head, hiding into his book, but it was too late.

"Isn't that Taehyung-ssi?"

Guk's head snapped back, his pome moving with a gulp. Taehyung avoided his guilty eyes. It was as if he caught Jeongguk doing something wrong. Tae had agreed to that whole ordeal, it was not supposed to feel like a betrayal.

Jieun pranced towards his table. He muttered a calming mantra under his breath, knowing he would need it.

"Good afternoon, Taehyung-ssi."

"Hello."

He adjusted himself on the creaky chair, attempting to keep a neutral expression. Guk stood behind the princess, mouthing "I am sorry". Taehyung was sick of those words.

"What are you reading?" She peaked at the cover curious.

"Nothing too interesting."

Taehyung's fingers drummed the wood in a rapid rhythm. Please leave, please leave, please leave.

"Any recommendations? Jeongguk said you love reading."

Tae glanced at the uncomfortable man. So Guk had spoke of him to her. Though it was small, it made him a little happier.

"He did?"

"Yes. Why? Is it not true?"

"No, it is. However I haven't enjoyed any story lately to be honest."

"Oh, really?" Her brows raised.

"Yes. Lately I have been thinking certain things are better lived than read."

He caught Jeongguk's faint smile. Taehyung wished he could go back to that day, that he would have kissed Guk right then and there and enjoyed more of the time they had together.

"An interesting point of view. I will certainly keep it in mind. And you Jeongguk," she turned to the emperor, "do you have any favorite books to recommend?"

"Uh?" Guk blinked, moving his gaze from Taehyung back to her. "I suppose I like hm... What was the poet called again, Tae? The one you read to me."

He was back at the memory as well, back to him and their happier times. Tae grinned genuinely for the first time that day.

"Li Bai."

"Yes, him. I like Li Bai's poetry," he responded sheepish.

"You surprise me," she commented, staring at him interested, "positively. I would not imagine you to be the poetry type."

"Well, you two have only just met," Tae murmured, calling her attention back towards him.

"Right, and I am liking what I have learned."

Taehyung's smile was gone again.

"Well, I just remembered I have to go meet with Jimin now." He shut his book a little more strongly than intended and stood up. He didn't want to be in the same vicinity as her anymore.

"Really?" Jieun pouted, "What a shame. I want to get to know you better, Taehyung."

"There will be time to do so," Jeongguk assured, "we don't want to meddle with Taehyung's plans."

"Perhaps at the feast we can talk then?" She suggested.

"Feast?" Tae repeated confused, looking from her to the emperor.

"There will be a feast, correct? To celebrate the engagement. Seokjin mentioned it to me, he said you would dance, Taehyung."

"What?"

"It was all Seokjin's idea," Jeongguk explained with that hands-tied look, "but I know you are not feeling too well lately, Tae, so I will understand if you wish to skip this one."

Taehyung frowned. Why did Jeongguk not want him there? Was he planning something he didn't want Tae to see?

"There is a few days until then," Jieun argued, "plenty of time for Taehyung to get better."

"Yes," Taehyung said not thinking right, "I will certainly be there."

The fact Seokjin of all people had suggested it should be enough to have Tae think twice about it, but he was too eager to prove himself to care. He remembered how mesmerized Gukie was watching him dance, how he paid attention to his every breath that night. Jeongguk might be publicly stuck into that fallacy, trapped to her, but he was still in love with Taehyung. When it came to his feelings, Tae beat her. Beat her to win what though? That was not a competition. It was not. The library had become too small for three. Taehyung bid them goodbye, back to being alone.

Alone he was for most of that night as well, hugging his pillow as he sang to himself,  trying to not fall asleep. He didn't want to doze off without knowing wether Guk came to visit. The emperor got to him quite late, when his eyelids were struggling to stay open. The sound of the door opening gave him an energy boost, though.

"Are you sleeping?" He whispered coming close to the lump Taehyung had converted in.

"No."

Tae opened his arms for him, moving over so that Jeongguk could lay within them.

"Good," Jeongguk sighed relieved, falling into his embrace. He kissed Taehyung first thing, satisfying a desire that the two had kept in the whole day. "Sorry it took me this long, Jieun's advisors would not stop talking."

"How did it go?" Tae asked, not knowing if he wanted answers or not. Guk had the same doubt.

"Do you want me to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure.... But I want to be here for you. Did everything go well? Is she nice? You deserve someone good."

"I already have the best." He hugged Taehyung's waist tighter. Tae beamed, scratching his head.

"You know what I mean, love... You have to put up with her, at least she should be tolerable."

"She is agreeable," Jeongguk replied, a safe choice of word.

"Did you spend the day with her?" He inquired, nearing more dangerous areas.

"I took her around the city and then spent most of the night talking with her entourage." He explained, drawing the counter of Taehyung's lips with his thumb. Then he bit his own, looking away. "Tae, the library situation-"

"I understand, Gukie," Taehyung interrupted, easing the tension on his muscles.

"She really insisted we went inside. Had I known you would be there-"

"It's fine," he declared final, not wanting to waste their precious moments arguing over things they could not change.

"Good. And you?" He asked, tucking a hair strand behind his ear, "How are you?"

An agonizing mess.

"Fine. I am dealing with it. I wish she was not so pretty," he confessed, feeling childish, "but, I am fine."

Guk moved back, cupping his cheeks.

"You should never compare yourself with her, Tae. Remember I love you and only you, it does not matter how pretty or nice she is."

"So she is nice?" He questioned, raising a brow.

"Tae."

"I know..." he sighed, "Ignore me, I am being silly."

"No, do not discredit or silence yourself. I need to know how you are truly feeling. For this to work we both need to trust and be honest with each other, alright, bear?"

"Yes," he murmured, hiding in Jeongguk's neck, "I am not fine, Gukie. But this was to be expected. I'm sure with time I will grow used to this."

"I am not fine either, Tae," he confessed, playing with his hair, "this situation upsets me as well, and it hurts me more than anything to know I am hurting you. But we can work through this, you believe it too, don't you?"

"Yes, I do." He nodded, pecking his clavicle. "I want to. Today was hard, but it should get a little better."

Except it didn't. Jieun seemed determined to occupy every free moment of Jeongguk's day. Almost all the times Taehyung spotted him she was around. Guk was even going as far as making time for her, since Tae was not as used to seeing him with such free time. But Jieun was an official duty too. That was her advantage.

Tae wished he was still able to meditate. His thoughts would not stop conjuring the most painful scenarios. One moment he was at peace, the next he had trailed down a dark path, imagining Jeongguk's hand touching hers, his lips running over her skin, mouths colliding against one another. It made him want to scream.

The boring palace had begun to aggravate him. Taehyung raved the streets in search of any distraction, memorized the halls, ended his ink and his nails. Times like those, he missed being an apprentice. There was something calming about cleaning the temple, taking care of the arboretum, studying, praying until his knees were sore. It was a path of certainty. Devoting to the gods was certainly less painful. He created new occupations for himself. The upcoming spring showed its first signs as the weather bettered. He took upon himself to care for the palace's garden once he noticed its flowers to be a little lifeless.

"May I ask why is it that you are ripping the poor flowers?"

"I am gardening," Taehyung corrected Bogum, wiping the sweat of his brow.

He let out a small chuckle.

"It seems a little too aggressive."

"I prefer the term energetic," he said as he pulled another dead flower from the ground.

"You know servants can take care of this, right?"

"What are you doing here?" Tae changed the topic, looking up to him. The sun didn't let him see his face clearly.

Bogum might have noticed as he crouched besides him.

"I came to discuss diplomatic issues with Jieun's people."

"Right," Tae covered some seeds with dirt, "you were behind this."

"Why do you say it like an accusation?"

"Again with the bad choice of words, Park Bogum," he shook his head, "I am not accusing, simply stating."

"Of course. Well, yes, I was behind this," he said unashamed, "I had been to Tanrong many times in Jeongguk's name, the king knows me well, I helped negotiate everything."

"Negotiate," he repeated underneath his breath. That as what Jeongguk's happiness and future had been reduced to. "Yet another ugly word."

"It was a negotiation."

"Well, it should not have been."

"Are you saying you oppose the wedding?" He teased with a frown.

"I oppose such practices," Tae corrected, glaring at him, "but my opinion doesn't matter."

Bogum picked a leaf out of his hair.

"I think it does matter."

"At least you do."

"Are you upset?" He inquired, watching him with much attention.

"Not at all," Tae lied, digging. "I am actually enjoying myself right now."

"Don't you find gardening a little sad?" He questioned, picking up a dead rose.

"How so?"

"To dedicate so much energy and effort to something that is ultimately going to perish sounds frustrating and like a waste."

Taehyung turned at him, furrowing his brows.

"This make no sense. We will all die ultimately, should we just give up then by your logic?"

"It is because we are going to die that we should not waste our time fighting losing battles. We should care for ourselves first and foremost and worry about our own happiness."

"We should not give up on things that matter," Tae protested, "even if they die at the end at least the flowers will have grown beautifully, they will be cherished, they will bring me happiness."

"But is this short moment worth all the trouble it gives you?"

Taehyung's frown deepened. He couldn't look into Bogum's eyes, suddenly feeling his own burn.

"Tae-"

"Park Bogum!" Someone yelled from inside the palace, "What are you doing?! We are waiting for you at the great hall!"

"Sorry, I am coming," he yelled back, deviating from Taehyung for a second that the boy used to compose himself. Then Bogum leaned closer, trying to see his lowered face. "Taehyung, are you alright?"

Tae forced a smile.

"Yes. You should go, it's rude to keep others waiting." But the other didn't move. "Go."

Bogum took a last look at him that Taehyung avoided before going inside the palace. Tae released the breath he had held in, watering his plants. The flowers were slowly withering. Taehyung feared he could not keep them alive for long. Maybe he was fighting a losing battle.

The feast came upon them. The weather had improved a little, the sky less cloudy, giving place for stars to shine. But Tae found no beauty into that night. He mechanically embellished himself, hoping the jewelry would make up for his melancholy. In the first feast he had felt glorious looking at his shining reflection. That time even the mirror seemed sorry for him.

The hall was even more crowded than he remembered it being the previous occasion. Everyone was dying to meet the princess. She was undeniably pretty wearing a perfect fit silk dress, pearls on her long hair. Jeongguk must have agreed. He was looking at her when Taehyung entered. They were simply chatting, but it felt like a vile offense. It was shameful how much Tae craved his gaze. He screamed in silence. And Guk couldn't hear.

"Wine, sir?" A servant boy asked, a platter with chalices in his arms. Taehyung was not much of a drinker. He was not a drinker at all. Alcohol impaired reason. And that was exactly what he needed. He grabbed a cup, finding solace in the liquid, drowning his pathetic calls.

"Slow down, or you might choke up," Jimin warned, laughing lightly. Taehyung wiped his mouth.

"I have seen you chug one of these down."

"Yes, but I am more experienced," he teased, locking his arm with Tae's, "you look stunning. I only wish you would not look so miserable."

He ran the back of his hand down Tae's cheek with a sympathetic smile.

"I wish it too," Tae tried to smile back, "but thank you, you also look gorgeous, Jiminie."

"I am glad you came."

"Maybe I should not have."

"Go talk to him, Tae."

"Nah," Taehyung shook his head, "he is busy."

"He will stop everything for you."

"No." He hadn't until that point. Besides not trying hurt less than doing so and getting disappointed. "He has other things to worry about now. I need to put this in my head. I will be sharing... My father used to reprehend me for being selfish when I was a child, I should have learned by now."

"We need to be selfish sometimes," he argued, nudging Tae.

"I will not chase him, Jimin."

"Fine," Jimin snapped his tongue, "there is a lot of people to talk to at this party anyway, I am sure they will want to talk to you."

But once more Taehyung did not want to speak to anyone. He treated his internal wounds with alcohol. It was warm and comforting. It let him laugh at their obnoxious comments and pretend he was oh, so interested. It let him forget about Jeongguk for a moment. Whenever he remembered he drank more and like magic it was gone. A remedy to all ills.

"What are you drinking?" Jeongguk asked behind him. Taehyung turned around losing his breath at his presence so close, black strands of hair falling over his curious bright eyes. He was so beautiful. So beautiful. And unattainable.

"You have finally noticed me," Tae slurred.

"What are you talking about? I only had eyes for you from the moment you walked inside. You are stunning, Tae."

"Lie!" He said a bit too loud. Guk glanced around uneasy.

"Calm down," he hushed a little impatient, "and stop drinking."

He tried to take the chalice away, but Taehyung stepped back, holding it close to his chest.

"No. You don't get to- to censor me. This is all your fault."

Jeongguk thinned his lips, stepping closer to him with a pleasing stare.

"Tae, you are being too loud. We can talk this through later," his fingertips hung on Taehyung's wrist, "calm down now and eat something-"

"I don't want to hear it, Guk," he murmured to the wine, "I don't. Go back to her, do what you need to do. I will not ruin things for you."

"Tae, please. You are getting a wrong idea. Later we will talk. Come sit with me," he asked, showing the familiar comforting smile Tae loved. He managed to loosen his hold on the cup, taking it away. "I asked them to make your favorite dishes."

"You did?"

"Yes, iI thought you would be happy about it."

"I am, but-"

"Then come eat."

He indicated the main table with his arm, raising an inviting brow at Tae. Taehyung complied, following him around. Plates of a variety of flavors surrounded him. He didn't think he could stomach so much as a rice cake. Jeongguk took his central spot, pulling the chair next to him out, eyes on Taehyung. But she took it first.

"Oh, were you going to sit here, Taehyung-ssi?" Her eyes went from the offended boy in front of her to the gloomy one by her side.

"Such a dense question. Why else would I be standing here for? Aren't you supposed to be well educated?" He retorted, patience thinning. Jieun's eyes widened as did Jeongguk's, taken aback by his response.

"Taehyung can sit next to me," Yoongi intervened, noticing the issue. His arm envolved Taehyung's shoulder, not letting him leave. "Come on."

He led Tae to another chair, but the boy broke away from his hold.

"Let go of me."

"You should eat," Yoongi insisted, pulling a chair out for him.

"I am not hungry."

The general huffed.

"Do as you please then, just behave and don't cause Jeongguk any embarrassments."

Taehyung ran away from him, bumping onto the other oblivious guests. It was loud, he didn't know if it was only in his head. He guessed not since she leaned forward to hush something by Jeongguk's ear. It was so loud and crowded, his head felt about to explode. He took more of the medicine but it was not helping. Jeongguk smiled, for some reason, nodding to whatever she had said. Taehyung's feet tumbled, the ground rough beneath them. He couldn't dance, he could barely stand. He shouldn't be there. What was he doing there? He didn't belong to that story.

Taehyung pushed through the blurry bodies, their wide mouths stuffed with food, laughing, chatting their futile concerns, pleasure he couldn't indulge in. His stomach churned despite being empty, threatened to rip. The darkness of the hall outside welcomed him, a precious draft of air away from the fire and the animal heat. He sat against a column, head between his knees as the world spun further and further out of his control. Breathing was a task. It was not supposed to be like that. He was not supposed to be like that. His weakness was going to ruin everything.

"Are you alright?"

Taehyung's head snapped up. He tried to make the word stop spinning to identify Bogum's tall figure, a chalice in between his hands.

"I am fine," his voice came out weird. He lowered his head again, "just need to be alone."

"I saw you leave and I thought you might be feeling sick. You drank quite a bit."

"I am not drunk," he sniffed.

"Sure you are not, but drinking water will not hurt anyway."

He kneeled next to Taehyung and offered him the cup. Tae hesitated for a moment, not wanting to talk, but truly he was glad someone cared, even if not the someone he wanted. He accepted the kindness.

"Thank you," he mumbled, wiping his mouth clumsily. His head fell back, hitting the stone a little too hard. It felt almost relieving.

"I hope you are not too upset with me."

"Why would I be?"

"Like you said, I am behind all this."

"This wedding, this party, they have nothing to do with me," he muttered bitter. If they did, Taehyung would not feel like a loose end. "No reason to be mad. None."

"Tae, I know."

"Know what?!" Taehyung glared at him, annoyed by the way Bogum was confusing his already muddled brain.

"About you and Jeongguk, I know."

Taehyung blinked repeatedly, moving away in distrust.

"Ahn?"

"I realized a while ago how he feels about you... Takes one to know one."

"You- If you knew about it and you have feelings for me then why did you support this?" Taehyung questioned frustrated, smacking his shoulder clumsily.

"For the same reason Jeongguk accepted it, for the safety of the kingdom. And your safety. I don't want to see you hurt. I knew this situation would be difficult for you and the longer Jeongguk took the worst it would have become."

Tae hugged his knees.

"He will marry someone else, I'm hurt no matter what."

"You should not feel threatened, Tae. It is impossible to see anyone else when you are around. Trust me, I tried it. Even sad, you were still the most beautiful, the most alluring person in that room. I know it is not the right moment to confess like this, but it pains me to think you might doubt yourself."

His thumb wiped one of Tae's tears. Taehyung turned away.

"You shouldn't say these things..."

Bogum took a deep breath before placing his hand over Tae's cold one. Taehyung observed the strange fit.

"You deserve to have someone tell you how amazing you are."

"Taehyung?" Jeongguk surged in front of them, partially covered by shadows. "What is happening?"

Confusion and a hint of frustration resonated in his high voice. Tae pushed Bogum's hand away.

"I am in pain, Guk."

"I see." His tongue pressed the inside of his cheek, staring from one to the other. "And you, Bogum, what are you doing here?"

"I noticed Taehyung's state and came to see how he was," he replied not intimidated by his sovereign.

"Well, I can take it from here. You may go back and enjoy the party."

Bogum's mouth twitched, but he stood back up.

"Sure. If you need anything, Taehyung, I am at your disposal."

"Thank you."

Jeongguk's eyes pierced him when the soldier walked by. Then they softened when they shifted onto Taehyung's crooked figure. Guk immediately kneeled before him, hands cupping his face, brushing his hair back.

"What are you feeling, love?"

"It hurts, Guk," Taehyung whispered, limp in his hands.

"What hurts?" Jeongguk insisted, moving his face back towards his, "Is it your stomach? Your head?"

"All of this," he choked out, tears brimming. The faint light from the corridor's flames let one glimpse the other's sorrow. "You. Her. It hurts more than I thought it would. It feels as if I'm dying."

Jeongguk's eyes fell, lips thinning into a straight line.

"I know," he said almost inaudibly, "I'm sorry. I will take you to your room, love. It will be alright, I promise."

He picked the distraught boy up. Taehyung buried his face into his clothes, inhaling him. Moving made his nausea worse, but Jeongguk calmed him down. When he was not causing him to act up. The emperor laid him down on the bed, Tae curled up at once, making room for him. Jeongguk covered him, making a pod around his shaking body. He sat next to Taehyung, holding his hand.

"I will get you water-"

"I don't want water. Or gifts. Or anything. I just want you, Gukie. Is it so hard"?"

"But you have me already, Tae," Jeongguk affirmed, "I love you, how many times do I have to say it?"

"Don't stop loving me," Taehyung pleaded, clinging to his arm to keep him there, "don't leave. You asked me to stay, so don't leave me."

"I would never," he rested his nose near Tae's ear, caressing him with its tip, "Taehyung, you are all that matters to me. We promised each other, didn't we? And I keep my promises, despite what you may think."

"Just keep loving me."

Tae's hands climbed over his neck, grabbing his ears to keep him down, make him fall for him and him alone. Guk complied, kissing him, but not giving in the way Taehyung begged him to. Not fully his.

"You are drunk, Tae," he said against his mouth, hands holding Taehyung's body away from his.

"Am not."

"Yes, you are. You need water."

"Gukie..."

"I am here. I will take care of you. Please, love, calm down."

Tae slipped further under the covers, still gripping Jeongguk's right hand. Guk caressed his wet cheek with the free one, a small sigh escaping from his lips. The door opened. The emperor immediately removed his hand from him. It would always be like that.

"Oh, it is you," he breathed relieved.

"Knew I'd find you here... Why did you leave?"

Taehyung recognized Yoongi's voice perfectly. Recognized the irritating lecturing tone. Oh he always knew better than all of them foolish children. Yoongi always preaching. Always trying to separate Guk from him.

"Tae drank too much."

"Obviously, but he is in bed already, he will be fine. You can go back to the feast."

"No."

"Jieun is already asking for you-"

"I can't. Taehyung needs me."

"I will ask Jimin-"

"Didn't you hear?" Jeongguk's voice raised a bit, "He needs me, not Jimin. Ask a servant to bring him water. I will watch over him."

"Jeongguk, it is vital that this wedding happens, you know it."

"Can't you try to be more understanding?" He snapped, sick of being pulled at different directions. Yoongi didn't reply. "I have been focused on Jieun all these days. Imagine what that has been for him. For both of us... She will survive if I am not there for one night. The man I love needs me and it is with him I will stay. I am already doing enough."

"Taehyung is an adult, he knows what he is in for. And he is strong enough. If he chose to stay then he needs to learn to deal with the new situation."

"Leave," he ordered, completely focused in the boy that drifted off to sleep next to him. Yoongi didn't protest.

But he was right. Taehyung was a problem. He didn't want to be, but lately that seemed to be his role in Jeongguk's life, stone blocking his path. Nevertheless, Jeongguk hugged his body, nesting next to him. Taehyung involved Guk as well, arms and legs holding him there, the only way for him to have a good night of sleep. They feasted on each other, strengthening a malnourished relationship.

The next morning he was gone. His scent still lingered on the air, to prove it had not been a dream. Taehyung's head throbbed, pieces of memories fighting their way into the light. He cursed at himself for losing his dignity. Pathetic, that was the only way to describe his attitude. An embarrassment. Tae pulled the covers up to his forehead, wishing to hide for the rest of his life. He didn't want to be that way, insecure and pitiful and needy. It would pass. He would get used to being the other. He had to.

There were knocks on his door. Tae grunted, gathering his rags to open it. Park Bogum had a bowl of fuming liquid in his hands and a worried gaze. Tae rubbed his drowsy eyes.

"Good morning," he mumbled, head leaning against the door.

"Afternoon," Bogum corrected with a half smile, "I brought you some soup."

"Thank you," Tae grabbed the bowl, holding it close to his chest. There was an uncomfortable silence as he thought about how to properly address their last talk. "About yesterday..."

"You don't need to say anything," Bogum cut him off, "I just hope you're feeling better."

"I am."

"Good." He nodded with a half smile. Taehyung scratched his own neck, deciding it was better to ignore his confessions. "Tae, I actually wanted to talk to you about something. May I?"

He pointed inside. Tae needed a moment to process it. He let Bogum pass, then sat on his bed with arms folded.

"Yes?"

Bogum licked his lips, finding the right words.

"Well... As I said last night, I am aware of the situation between you and Jeongguk and with everything that is happening I am worried about you, Tae."

"There is no reason to be worried," he said nonchalantly.

"I saw your state. I have been noticing your sadness the past days and I cannot stand to see you this way. The wedding is coming and I will not be here for it, to offer you support. I am sincerely worried about how it will affect you."

Taehyung grimaced.

"Again, there is no need for you to worry, Bogum. I can handle myself. Last night was just a misstep."

"You are important to me," he stared into his eyes, "I want to help you, Tae."

Taehyung broke the eye contact.

"I appreciate the sentiment, Bogum, but there is nothing you can do."

"I don't agree. Listen, Jeongguk wants to send me on a diplomatic trip to the southern kingdoms. I embark in a few days, just before the wedding-"

"What? How long are you staying away?" Tae furrowed his brows.

"I estimate three moon cycles."

"That is quite some time," he commented a tad upset to lose someone who made him feel cared for, "he did not mention anything to me."

"He just informed me about it this morning," Bogum explained, fiddling with one of his rings, "the request seems a little impromptu honestly. I think he only wants me to go because he knows of my feelings, to keep me away."

The accusations Bogum made against Jeongguk bothered Taehyung, though part of him knew that hypothesis was not far fetched.

"I hope you are wrong."

"Regardless, I didn't come here just to tell you these news..."

"Oh no?" Tae tilted his head intrigued. Bogum breathed in.

"No, Tae. I came to ask you to come along with me."

Notes:

I made it! Oof I wrote a lot this week, hope you enjoy reading. The angst is here y'all, couldn't hold myself. Sorry, I'm a dramatic person. How are your hearts? Please leave me your thoughts on the comment section.

I'm going to enjoy my break to write more. I want to try to end this before my classes start again in February, let's see how it goes. Thank you so much for your patience and support, I truly appreciate it.

See you soon 💕

P.S.: today is my 3rd aniversary as army uwu

Chapter 36

"What?" Taehyung's eyes widened, a shift occurring in his previously laid back posture. "Bogum, I... I feel flattered, but, though Guk and I are facing a troubled moment, I am still very much in love with him."

"I know. And I understand, this is why I am asking you. I thought you might want the opportunity to leave this awful situation behind for a bit. If you came with me, you would not be here for the wedding."

"Yes, but I do not wish to give you false hope," Tae explained.

"I simply want your company and for you to feel better," he assured, trying to ease the other man, "the world outside this walls has much more to offer you, Taehyung. When you see the beauties the south, away from this palace, you might even forget what happens here."

"I can never forget Jeongguk," he murmured, smoothing the wrinkles of his sheet, "he lives within me, I cannot truly distance myself from him."

Bogum's eyes strayed from his and Tae could swear he suppressed an eye roll.

"You can come back to him, if that is what you want to. Everything will be settled, the dust will have blown over. I- Can you imagine yourself being here for the wedding, Tae? Watching Jeongguk spouse someone else? Waiting alone in this room as he fulfills his 'husbandly duties'?" He inquired a little too rash, rubbing salt on Taehyung's wound. "It is a humiliation, an offense. You deserve better than this, Tae. At least, when you are away, you can ignore them and stay far from prying eyes and gossipers."

Taehyung folded his arms.

"Jeongguk needs me now and I want to be with him."

"He will be quite occupied with her for next days."

"Bogum," he glared at the soldier warningly.

Bogum swallowed his speech, head bowing slightly in apology.

"Forgive me," his voice was back to the gentle tone Tae was familiar with, "I did not mean to upset you, I... I just want to see your smile back, Taehyung."

"Then be more careful with your words."

"I'm sorry," he stepped back in retreat, "the decision is yours in the end and I will not push it, but please consider it."

Taehyung's head turned towards the door.

"I would like to be alone now please."

Bogum saw himself out, lips curved downward in disappointment, slow steps as if he expected Taehyung to change his mind in the time he took to reach the exit. Tae hugged his own knees, chin resting on top of them. What was Bogum even thinking? Certainly he knew his answer would be "no". Taehyung was building a life with Jeongguk, everything he had left was at that palace, how could he turn away from it? How could he leave the man he loved? His eyes fell over the bracelet Jeongguk had gifted him. They had made a promise to each other. But Jeongguk had other promises to fulfill first. The thought of running away with Bogum was insane. But so was watching his love marry someone else. To even imagine the scene of Jeongguk binding himself to another made his stomach burn. To sit and presence it... Tae feared he would become physically ill at the ceremony. He could simply not watch it, stay quiet in his chambers. Stay in his chambers and wait, wait until it was over and Jeongguk came to him. Wait and try to not think, try to ignore whatever signs she left on him, try to pretend he had not been with her moments prior. What if he came around smelling like her? What if he fell asleep and didn't show at all? The soup Bogum had given him went cold untouched.

Bogum was making an indecent proposal. Whatever noble reasons he claimed, Tae was not naive enough to believe his heart to be pure. His sentiments had been made clear and, as selfless as he made it all sound, Taehyung was suspicious of his true intentions beyond his concerns. Part of him, though, a part he would not own up to, enjoyed the attention, to have someone with eyes for him only. Part of him enjoyed the reaction it got out of Jeongguk. Oh, the flame in his eyes seeing Bogum with him, the way he felt threatened, as Tae had been feeling for days. It pushed Guk to do something, to make a choice. Pushed Guk to prioritize him. But it felt rather pathetic for Taehyung to have to depend on a third party to propel that choice. He wanted Guk to be with him out of love, not because of fear or commitment.

The market was louder than ever, populated with rumors. Someone said they had seen the princess, that she was beautiful. Another merchant narrated his trip to her kingdom, what he had seen there. They discussed how much gold she had, how many soldiers, how many ships, how many servants. Discussed the heirs, how long it would take until their first born. Discussed how the kingdom would grow and prosper even more, bright and optimistic possibilities for the future. It all sounded simple and wonderful. They didn't know what happened inside the palace, inside Jeongguk's heart. Didn't know the price that was being paid. Only Taehyung really knew, for he was the one paying the largest share.

It was a deal he was trying to make the most of, nevertheless. He had started searching for the moon eagerly in the sky before the sun had even set. He slumped at the balcony to observe it rise. Stars followed it, illuminating the night sky. None of the stars that Taehyung longed to see. Not yet. But they always came along with the moon eventually, it never failed. He just had to wait a little more. Be more patient. The door opened. Taehyung smiled at the celestial body. He never failed.

"How are you feeling?" Jeongguk asked, sitting behind him. His arm went around Taehyung's shoulders, inviting him to rest against his chest.

"Alright." At the moment he was.

"Really?" He tilted his head for their eyes to meet. There they were, the constelations. How could he ever leave them behind? How could he pass a night without looking into them? Nowherelse in the word he would see those wonders. "Emotionally too?"

He nodded.

"I am glad you looked after me last night, Guk. Thank you."

Jeongguk smiled softly.

"I will always take care of you." He buried his nose into Tae's hair. "And you of me. This is what love is, right?"

The steady beat of his heart pulsated through Taehyung.

"Right."

Love required honesty.

"I am sorry about the past days," Guk said before Tae could decide if he should or not bring up Bogum.

"I know you are."

"And do you forgive me?"

Tae glanced up at him, forehead hitting his chin.

"When do I not forgive you, Gukie?"

Jeongguk had a soft smile on his lips. He adjusted his hold, bringing Tae's body up.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Jeongguk kissed him, the best opium. There was no reason to mention Bogum. It would only waste their time, create more conflict. He was not going to go anyway. He could not leave Jeongguk. The emperor's hands caressed him. Taehyung shut his eyes. He held on tight to him, not wanting to drift apart.

Only at night he felt at peace. Only at night the gloom and the worry loosened the hold around his neck for him to breathe in Jeongguk's scent. Taehyung spent his days waiting that moment. His eagerness embarrassed him. Too much of his energy was focused onto making things work with Jeongguk and being gracious about that disgraceful situation. Relationships should not be so difficult. Relationships should not have outside parties meddling with them. But his relationship was not a typical one. He was constantly reminded of that.

"Taehyung!" Jieun called, making him stop on the stairs of the palace, halfway down.

Tae shut his eyes, telling himself to be nice. He had no reason to antagonize her. It was exactly what he didn't want, it would only make coexisting harder. She was a third party he had to learn to live with,

"Good afternoon, princess," he greeted flatly.

"Are you heading out? I wanted to go for a stroll, may I join you?"

"I fear I am not too great of a company today," he retorted, already turning his heels to leave.

"I know you are not the most fond of me," she blurted out, making Tae's brows go up at the sudden comment, "or perhaps you are simply closed off, I am not entirely certain, but I want us to be friends."

Tae gazed at her again, the word irritating him.

"Friends?"

"I have heard you are one of the people closest to Jeongguk, and he is very obviously fond of you. I want us to get along too."

"Why?" He asked puzzled.

"Because Jeongguk and I will get married," she replied, chin raising, "I will be starting a new life here and I want to make the best out of this situation. I like him." Taehyung stopped breathing, hands closing into tights fists without thought. Jieun sounded secure, though red tinted her cheeks. "I did not expect to, at least not this quick, but he is surprisingly charming and I want things to go well between the two of us."

"What does this has to do with me?" Tae questioned, aggressive enough to propel the princess to step back. "Why are you telling me this?"

Why was she torturing him?

"I can feel that Jeongguk cares about you, Taehyung," the irony made Tae want to laugh through the anger, "he values your opinion, so I want you to like me. I want him to think highly of me as well."

Not only did she want to take his place, she wanted his help to do it. His skull throbbed with a constant pound, an invisible hammer hitting it repeatedly.

"This wedding is a diplomacy matter," he counterattacked, unable to dull the edge of his voice, "as someone close to him, let me tell you that there are no feelings from Jeongguk's part. He sees your relationship as nothing more than some trade deal."

A little of her poise cracked, lips creasing in something that resembled a the sulk of a child frustrated by the bursted bubble.

"For now that might be true, but this union has to happen for both of us. Is it wrong that I want it to be more than a deal? For it to be better?" Jieun questioned, eyes sparkling with hope that alarmed him. "My entire life has been decided for me, I just wish to make the best of my fate. Call me naive if you want, but I am hoping for a little bit of happiness for the both us among the duty."

Taehyung hid his shaking hands behind his back. He chewed the poisonous words on his tongue, the taste bitter. There was nothing he desired more than to tell her the truth, to let her know Jeongguk would never love her because he already loved him. Nothing Taehyung wanted more than to pull that prickle out of his skin. That was not what he should do, though. The marriage was too important for him to ruin over selfish feelings. He drew in a deep breath.

"It is naive indeed, but not wrong. I cannot help you with this desire of yours, though. I don't intend to meddle with Jeongguk's life this way. And it will take time for me to befriend you, as I am, in fact, a reserved person. I ask for your understanding."

"I understand. It is just that Jimin has been so welcoming and friendly and you-"

"And I have not," he concluded unapologetic. The princess's lips faded into a straight line.

"I did not mean to offend," she said, "please, do not take my words as a reprehension or demand of any sort."

"Oh no, I would not," Tae waved his hand, denying the possibility, "for that you would have to possess any sort of authority over me which you do not."

Jieun's brows raised.

"Taehyung-ssi, I am still a princess," she reminded a bit more stern, "and soon will be your queen."

Taehyung stepped closer, towering over her small figure.

"So you should know to prevent any future offense, princess, that I bow only to Jeongguk and simply because I chose to. Besides, it is not very friendly to attempt to exert authority over others is it?"

"No, I suppose it is not." She showed him a smile retained only in her lips. "Forgive me for the way I am acting, this has all been a lot for me, so much novelty in so little time. I am not sure if I am doing things right. I did not expect to marry so soon, to have to leave my kingdom..."

"I imagine your situation is delicate and I will be more attentive of my attitude in the future, and you of yours, I hope. We will have plenty of time to get to know each other."

"Right," she nodded, "a whole life."

Tae left before she had time to put more words out. His feet stumbled an unknown path in disorientation, frustration clouding his sight. His steps were harsh, shoes making noise against the ground. Jieun liked Jeongguk. She liked him. She wanted his Jeongguk. Of course she did. Taehyung knew better than anyone just how involving the man could be. He wondered if Jeon was doing anything to contribute to that, if he was enchanting her like he had enchanted him. She wanted Jeongguk and she would have him, no matter how petty Tae acted. Taehyung had no place in their union. He was only weed, growing in a garden he should not be in. They were going to get married, no changing that. It was for the best if they could find something good there, if they could make life less miserable. He had to quit being selfish. Perhaps Jeongguk could be happy with her. Loving someone meant wishing for their happiness, no matter what. But if there came a time Jeongguk didn't love Taehyung anymore what would Tae do there? What would he do at all?

"Are you lost, dear?"

Taehyung focused on the middle aged woman who had asked him that. He hadn't realized when exactly he had strayed so far from the palace. It was easy to get swayed among the flux of people, horses and wagons, to follow their trails and stray outside the main streets into smaller alleys, specially when one was not paying attention. The simple houses around had nothing recognizable to them. He had probably ended up in a part of the lower town. But despite the strange surroundings, his heart had calmed a bit. Maybe he did need to get away.

"Yes, I think I might be."

The lady showed him a sympathetic smile. She wore simple clothes, a small child in her arms, another one a little older hiding behind her legs.

"I imagined it. Where are you headed?"

"Well...," he observed the shades of purple and orange melting in the sky, "I should probably get back to the palace. It will get dark soon."

"The palace? You came from there?" Tae nodded, her eyes widening. "You walked quite a bit."

"I lost track of my path," Tae said sincerely.

"You live in the palace?" Asked the little boy, head peaking from behind his mother. "Are you a soldier? My dad was a soldier for the em... Em..."

"Emperor," his mother said very slowly.

Taehyung kneeled before the kid. His small hands were wrapped around his mother's thigh, big eyes staring back at him.

"Really? He must have been very brave."

"He was, and I am too," the little boy replied, letting go of his mother, "I will be a soldier when I grow up."

Taehyung's smile faltered, memories of the battlefield swerved, the stench of the medical tent, Jae's shaking hands as he held his sword.

"But first you need to eat your kimchi well." His mother ruffled his hair, a wrinkle apearing in her forehead. "And there will hopefully be no more wars in the future. It is pointless to think about such things now, Sian."

"Yes, there are other possibilities for you," Taehyung nodded enthusiastic, hoping to see that boy with a book instead of a sword.

"So are you a soldier?" The mother asked again.

"No," Tae said standing properly, "I am... I am a friend of the emperor. I really should head back to the palace... Do you know which way to go?"

She nodded, arm reaching out to show him the direction.

"Take the right twice, then follow ahead, take the third entrance left and you will find the main road again. From there on, I believe you can find your way."

"I can. Thank you. Take care."

"You as well."

Taehyung followed the path, glancing over his shoulder at the three of them. That poor woman, caring for two children on her own. Like his father had done. Losing the person you loved was difficult enough without having to be someone else's source of strength and comfort. Maybe Taehyung had been too harsh on him. He certainly understood a little of his sentiment better, the frustration, the revolt. A memory he had revisited many times came to surface again, his father yelling at him, calling him a burden, a disappointment. It was not fair to his young self, not at all, but maybe Taehyung represented in his father's life something similar to what Jieun represented into his, the cause of his grief. Perhaps it was Taehyung's fate to pay for that, he was doomed live losing the ones he loved. But he had made it through before. And Jeongguk was alive at least. Others didn't share the same luck. He recalled what Guk had told him about Tanrong, their political influence, economic resources, resources that could make the empire stronger, scare away possible threats. Resources that could prevent wars from happening or at least from reaping away lives like Jae's, or Sian's father or even the boy himself. Not only Guk, but perhaps all of his kingdom could stop living a constant fight. His reign was still in its infancy, the marriage would bring stability, a better, safer future. Taehyung was blinded by his own hurt, not seeing the ripples that union, or the lack of it, could cause on many more lives.

Tae quickened his pace as night fell. The main street remained agitated, tents sold various food, the smells causing his mouth to water. Performers occupied the squares moving in rhythms he had never heard before, playing with fire, enchanting the passerby for a coin of gold. It felt like a waste of time to remain confined within the palace's walls when an spectacle of life took place outside. He was fixated on his own sad story when the world was an open library with so many for him to get to know. Taehyung clapped excitedly for a man who swallowed swords when he felt a hand close over his shoulder.

"Kim Taehyung-ssi?" Taehyung pulled away from the soldier, recognizing his face. He frowned in a question he didn't get to ask. "I found him!" The boy yelled waving at another in a horse a few meters away.

Some people glanced at the pair curiously.

"What do you want with me?" Taehyung asked uneasy.

"Sir, what are you doing outside at this hour?"

"Excuse me?"

"The emperor have us searching the entire palace and beyond for you. You have to go back."

"What?" Tae scoffed. "What is this? I was just watching the show-"

"Come with me, I will take you home."

"But I am simply having a little fun," Tae muttered, not quite understanding why Jeongguk had put together a whole search party for him.

"The emperor is concerned about you," the soldier said, placing a hand on Taehyung's back to pat him forward.

Tae didn't argue, letting the man help him up his horse. Jeongguk probably thought something happened to him. He had gone to his chambers and not found him there, waiting for him as he should be. Of course he had thought the worst. Why else would Tae not be there? It was an exaggerated move, but Tae appreciated his caring. He shouldn't have been out so late. He shouldn't have brought Jeongguk more worries, or wasted the little time he had together. But it had felt good to just do something for Taehyung for one night. And he wanted to enjoy it a little longer.

Jeongguk, Yoongi and Jimin had occupied his chambers, waiting his return. The emperor stopped pacing when the door opened, a breath of relief leaving him.

"I found Taehyung lost in the main street, my lord."

"Thank you, Yugyeom." Guk said without even sparing the soldier a glance. His gaze wandered over Taehyung, cerifying there was not a scratch on him. "You may go to bed now."

The soldier bowed before leaving. Tae couldn't help worrying about the suspicions he and the others might have. But maybe the one good part of the wedding was that their suspicions didn't matter.

"I told you he was alright," Jimin nudged the emperor with a teasing smirk.

"I am," Tae assured, uncomfortable at the set of eyes on him, "I lost the track of time, there is a lot to see at the city."

"You must be tired," Jimin commented, "and it is late indeed. We should let Taehyung rest, Yoongi."

He touched the general's elbow, eyeing him suggestively.

"Are you staying, Jeongguk?" Yoongi inquired, staring at the emperor.

"I will go right after you."

"Come on, Yoongi," Jimin was already pulling him out of the bedroom, "let them talk."

The moment they were alone, Guk flew through the room to embrace Taehyung. His arms pressed Tae's ribs, making him breathless.

"I thought you had left," he whispered, the sounds muffled on his neck.

"What?" Tae questioned, guilty. He caressed Jeongguk's hair. "Why would you think that?"

"You weren't in your bedroom as you always are and Jimin didn't know your whereabouts either. I searched the castle and the training centre, but there was no sign of you and I began to think- to fear you had left. I know you are unhappy-"

"Gukie," he cupped the emperor's cheeks, "I would never leave like that."

"You have every reason to want to to leave."

Taehyung couldn't deny it. He tried to smile, pecking Jeongguk's cheek scar.

"I love you and I want to stay. I just went out to get fresh air and distract myself, then I got too distracted. Forgive me for worrying you."

"I thought maybe you could be in some sort of danger," Jeongguk explained, a little sheepish by the overreaction.

"I know. I am fine, though, and I am here with you."

Jeongguk brought his head forward, gripping his hair to keep Taehyung's lips on his, in a kiss eager to swallow him whole. Despite what he told Yoongi, Guk stayed the night with him, holding on to his waist even in his sleep. Taehyung observed Jeongguk, almost unable to move inside his hold. Jeongguk who was unmasked and beautiful when he slept, letting out small snores. Jeongguk that had been keeping him awake for the past nights. Bogum was wrong, Guk did need him. Love came with sacrifice. He had to be there for him. Nowhere he wanted to be more than inside his embrace, inside the illusion the world revolved around Jeongguk and him and they didn't need to worry about anything other than being happy,

Nevertheless, Tae wanted to get back at the streets again. Not to be lost in his thoughts, but to lose himself in the people and the scenery. He wanted to stay out after hours and see outside his problems. It had awakened a desire, a desire that came from the possibility Bogum had slipped into his mind. A desire Taehyung was afraid of. So he stayed protected inside the world he knew. He had lost one home, he could not lose another.

But the palace was not welcoming either. It had become crowded with the arrival of Jieun's people. Their voices and steps always seemed to disturb his concentration. And yet it felt lonesome. The wind whistled in the cold corridors, waking Taehyung up in the morning to a likewise cold bed. His hand only gripped the sheets. Once awoke, Taehyung jumped out of bed, neck stiff and sore. He sat outside in the garden or the patio, exploring but still close enough. Still in Jeongguk's reign.

"What do you draw so much?" Taehyung did not raise his eyes to welcome Yoongi. Instead, they kept focused on the parchment. "It feels like Jeongguk is always asking for ink for you."

"Is there something you want?" Taehyung inquired, smudging a line.

"I came in behalf of Jimin."

"Couldn't he come himself?"

"He is saddling horses for the both of you," Yoongi informed, "apparently 'time in nature is good for the soul' or something like that."

"Is this your way of transmitting an invitation?"

"It is my way of telling you to go. He is waiting at the stables."

Tae shook his head, back to drawing.

"Let him know I am not in the mood."

"He is trying to help," the general argued, "it would be good for you."

Tae put down his unfinished piece.

"Don't pretend you care. You have always desired for this to happen." He remembered his warning clearly. How foolish he was to have imagined Yoongi was attacking him somehow when he said that. All he ever did was tell him the truth. "I should have listened to you when you warned me about the future."

"I was waiting for this day and I knew it would come with suffering which is precisely why I didn't want you two to get involved."

"You have always wanted me far from him."

"I have always wanted to spare him the sorrow he is feeling right now," Yoongi said, looking right into Taehyung's eyes with genuine concern, features softer than usual, "he is torn between his commitment to his people and his commitment to you."

"He already made his choice," Tae reminded, "the wedding will happen."

"Indeed, but I wish he didn't feel as upset about it as he does. He knows he is hurting you and that pains him profoundly."

It seemed Taehyung would never stop feeling like a burden to the people he loved.

"And if I leave," he started, not facing the general, "do you think it will be better?"

Yoongi furrowed his brows.

"Leave?"

"Bogum wants me to go to the southern kingdoms with him."

The furrow dissolved, an airless incredulous laugh escaping.

"The nerve this man has..." He shook his head. "Jeongguk will be furious if he finds out."

"Do not tell him yet, please. I should do it."

"It is none of my business anyway."

"Did Jeongguk order him to go to keep him away from me?" Tae asked what had been bothering him.

"You know the answer, you are smart, Taehyung. He should have imagined Bogum would not go peacefully though. Inviting you to tag along... He is brave."

"He is in love with me," Tae muttered.

"I know," Yoongi became serious again, "but what do you expect me to say? You are telling this to the wrong person. I am not Jimin."

"No, you are not. Jimin always has Jeongguk's sincere happiness in mind, he will want to make me stay. You will tell me to go, to ensure the wedding happens swiftly without any threats to it, no distractions."

"I have kept him alive for more springs than I can recall, Taehyun," Yoongi reminded him, a certain pride in his voice, "I do not wish for your unhappiness, truly, but Jeongguk's safety will always, always be the priority."

"So I should go?" He questioned, fearing Yoongi's advice.

"If you asked for my input then it seems you may be inclined to an answer already."

That's right, why was he talking about that with Yoongi? He knew the general always wanted to keep him away from Guk. If it was his decision, Taehyung would already be on board of that ship, a clean break. Jimin would plead for him to stay for Jeongguk, act optimistic, try to convince Taehyung that he could do it even if he himself didn't believe so. The tide moved under Jeongguk's influence.

"I hope both of you can find happiness," Yoongi said, "even if it is not the life you wished for."

"You don't think we can make it work," Tae realized noticing the general's apologetic look.

"I think Jeongguk is in love and stubborn. He will do what he can to not lose anything, losing is not acceptable to him. He believes you are the love of his life, he is determined to be with you. The question is wether you can live like this, Tae."

"Are you saying I am weak?"

"On the contrary. I fear you are too strong headed to accept these circumstances. I know you want to stop the wedding, to drive the princess away. You don't know how to accept something you deem unfair passively. It is ironic that this is something Jeongguk loves about you, yet it will bring the end of your relationship if you don't change."

"Why should I adapt?"

"Because he is the emperor."

"And I am only his subject, right?" He questioned bitter, nodding. "Everything here, our future, our emotions, it all needs to bow and bend for Jeongguk."

"I have always told you, Taehyung, Jeongguk needs someone to be by his side, to give him support and comfort, not someone to bring more trouble and challenges to him. I know you love him and he, you, but if you want to live here, to live with him, you must understand the crown and its demands come first. Accept the limits of what Jeongguk can offer you."

"Limits?" Tae scoffed, "For someone as powerful as Guk?"

"His power is his greatest shackle. If you cannot understand or accept that, then maybe you should go with Bogum and spare the both of you pain of prolonged pain."

Taehyung's eyes went down to his drawing of Jinse's main square.

"Simple as that?"

Yoongi sighed.

"I do not say this to upset or offend you, Taehyung, I say it because it is the truth and I wish to prevent more hurt."

Tae gathered his materials, standing up. He held the sketchbook to his chest, approaching Yoongi's small figure.

"Then thank you for your concern, but I will decide my future by myself."

The general fiddled with the handle of his sword, nodding.

"As you wish."

Tae didn't want to speak to Jeongguk that night. Yoongi's words echoed in his ears and he was afraid he might end up repeating them. He needed to think for himself whether he believed them, if he would let them have any impact on him. Jeongguk was his emperor, not his equal. Jeongguk asked for sacrifices, Taehyung made them. Jeongguk got to decide, Taehyung waited for his choices. Waited, expected, hoped he would make time for him, that he would choose him, that he would enter that door. Devoted. He didn't react when he heard the click, a beam of light entering the space, followed by the salty smell he knew well.

"Tae?" Taehyung kept his eyes shut, resisting the urge to take a peek at him. He knew Guk was only centimeters away, warm breaths hitting his hairline. "Taehyungie?" His voice became a little louder. He just wanted Jeongguk to crawl under the sheets and hug him safe, no difficult conversations. "Are you asleep, love?"

Guk's fingers threaded his locks, going down his cheeks with a sigh. Taehyung felt the touch of his lips on his forehead.

"Good night," he murmured.

And he left. Taehyung's eyes snapped open when the door shut, the room was dark again. Jeongguk's side of the bed remained empty. He looked around the bedrrom, expecting it to be some sort of test, that Guk knew he was pretending all along and just wanted to catch him being silly, but he wasn't there. He didn't come back either. Maybe he missed his chambers, his own bed. Maybe he was not in in a good mood, or didn't want to sleep together with someone. However Tae couldn't stop thinking maybe Jeongguk just showed up every single night to sleep with him because he had a promise to fulfill. Because he had a bracelet tied around his arm that compelled him to go there, or perhaps because he felt sorry for Taehyung. Whatever the situation, the fact was that in the illusion of Taehyung's slumber, Guk couldn't think of any other reason, any personal motivation to stay there. Tae hugged himself wondering how to genuinely fall sleep with the squeeze in his heart.

He didn't mention it to Guk the next days. Or the days after that. Ignorance was more comfortable than what he might say when confronted. Tae buried that moment of truth, avoiding the wounds it opened. The wedding approached fast. That was harder to ignore.

"What are these?" Taehyung asked a duo of maids who put flower vases on a corridor, studying the pretty petals.

"Mugunghwa," one of them replied, "the queen's favorites."

"She is not queen yet," the other retorted, adjusting the steams.

"She practically is," the first girl retorted, earning an eye roll from her colleague.

"We can put some in your chambers as well, if you wish, Taehyung -ssi."

"No, thank you," Taehyung replied, "I actually don't want them anywhere near my bedroom, please."

Tae walked outside of her palace. How bold of her to assume she could start ruling over it already, changing things, making it her home. There was nothing he could about it. He didn't have any power. He was no more than one of Jeongguk's guests. Taehyung traced the shore line of the cliff, dangerously close to its edge. He ripped his shoes of, carrying the pair in his hands in order to feel the dry grass and the little rocks prickling his toes. Waves spilled over the rocks, reaching for him, greeting a friend.

Going to the beach alone should not be disheartening. We were born alone, died alone. "All you need is you," Namjoon said repeatedly. It never felt true to Taehyung. He was trying to do better, as he promised his brother. He was always trying and failing. But the sun kept rising, bringing him new chances. It was a clear day, though clouds covered the sky. Summer was still far from him. Going to the beach alone did not make sense. That cherished place only had the meaning it did because of Jeongguk. The feelings of love and comfort it brought him were founded on the emperor. But going to the beach alone was an opportunity to find things by himself. Not something Namjoon said, not something Jeongguk did. Just Taehyung.

A high pitched laughter surprised him. Taehyung nearly slipped down to the water. He rushed the last steps of the familiar trail, coming to the lower part of the cliff where steps opened the way to the beach. Tae hoped what he saw was nothing more than one of his nightmares.

"Come here!" Jieun yelled amid giggles, feet dipped in the water. She waved her arms, calling someone. Calling him.

He was there with her. Taehyung's legs threatened to falter, let him fall down in to the agitated sea.

"No, thank you," Jeongguk screamed back, sitting over the sand away from her.

"Oh, don't be a bore, Jeongguk!"

"I am perfectly fine here."

But she was determined. Jieun walked up to him and grabbed his hands, trying to pull him up unsuccessfully. Taehyung didn't want to see that repulsive touch, but he could not tear his eyes away.

"Indulge your queen, Jeongguk-ah! Please."

Tae wanted to scream at him from where he stood, beg him to put an end to that distasteful act. Beg for him to stop breaking his heart, even if he thought Tae wouldn't find out. But Jeongguk never seemed to take him into consideration. He gave in, letting her pull him up. Jieun cheered elated that she had won, not letting go of his hand as she lead him closer to the water and to her.

Taehyung stepped back, a sharp stone puncturing his naked foot. He covered his mouth to silence an airless howl. The rope Taehyung had been holding onto until his fingers were sore broke. The sea stormed, ready to drown him. He needed to get away.

The ground was unforgiving to his skin. So was the wind that whipped his cheeks, burned his eyes the faster he went, made his lungs bleed. He tripped on himself, losing his step. His knees took the fall, opening with the impact. Taehyung's forehead pressed the harsh soil. His mouth gasped, taking sharp gulfs of air as fast as he could but it was never enough. He should have listened. He should have heard the gods when they showed him. Jeongguk and him could never be. He clutched his chest, heart still running wild. Jeongguk was fine without him, it was Taehyung who kept getting hurt. It was only Taehyung's blood spilled. His nails dug the dirt. There was no one there to help or console him. For once, he had to be enough. Tae rolled on his back, gazing at the grey sky. Birds danced on it, black dots in the clouds. He must have seemed so tiny to then, so insignificant. From that distance Taehyung's pain was reduced to a few red spots on the grass and some miserable wails. From where they stood the world had not crumbled. Life existed beyond the storm.

He hindered his breathing, slowing the rhythm down. Every second he held it in he felt about to explode. Taehyung made a plea to the gods, any that still deemed him worthy of their time. The lotus bloomed in turve waters, so could he. After what felt like a lifetime Taehyung's cheeks had dried. He had stopped choking. He put on his shoes and cleaned the dust off his clothes. As difficult as it felt, he had to move. The last steps were the most painful ones. His bloody sandals produced a nauseating sound. Taehyung repeated for himself to keep going. He reached the dark palace with a made up mind. Jeongguk had made his choice, the best for him, it was time Tae did the same. He had enough of sacrificing.

"Kim Taehyung-ssi?" A soldier halted upon seeing that disgruntled figure. He took a look up and down Taehyung, eyes narrowing at the mess. "Are you alright, sir? Did you suffer some sort of accident?"

"You don't need to call me sir, I am sir of nothing. I cannot give you orders either, but may I ask for a favor?"

The man nodded, tense shoulders pushed back as if waiting for a fighting order.

"Of course, Taehyung-ssi."

"Please tell Park Bogum to come to me. Please."

"Park Bogum?" He confirmed, brows furrowing at the request.

"Yes. Can you do this for me?"

"Of course. Can I help you with anything else? I can ask Sora-"

"Thank you, but that is all," Tae interrupted him, "I will be fine."

He continued on his march, leaving the man behind before he could prolong the talk. Other estranged glances were thrown his way, mutters of his name, half asked questions that he pretended to not hear.

"Taehyung!" Jimin's yell startled him. Tae wanted to avoid him at that moment, but his slow pace was easy to catch up to. "Oh my! I thought Hyungsik was exaggerating. What happened? Did you fall?"

His door came into view. Not his. Nothing there was his. Jimin held his wrist, forcing Taehyung to look at him.

"Tae, please, talk to me. I am worried about you. And if you look this way on the outside I can only imagine how you must be inside." He held Taehyung's hands delicately, attempting to not touch his scratches. "Let me help"

Taehyung's teeth were buried into his bottom lip, water droplets falling over it.

"I am done, Jimin," he verbalized it at last. His voice got tangled in the knots of his throat. "I can't live like this. I am done."

"Done?" Wrinkles appeared on Jimin's forehead. "Done with what?"

Taehyung stared at his friend - Jeongguk's friend - seeing his pome jolt up and down with a gulp.

"You know very well what I am talking about."

Jimin's sweet eyes turned alarmed.

"Tae! Don't say that. Did you talk to Guk about how you are feeling?"

"Jimin-"

"I understand it is a complicated situation, but he is doing the best he can."

"Of course you will only see his side," Tae muttered, pulling his hands away.

"I want to see you both happy!" Jimin protested, "I thought things were getting better-"

"Things are not going to get better," Taehyung admitted what was suffocated inside his chest, "they will not change. We all know that. We always knew. I was just expected to accept it."

"Do not make any rash decisions," Jimin raised his hands, trying to tame the beast, "you are not with your jead in the right place right now. You need to take care of these wounds, clean up and rest and tomorrow you will be able to think more clearly."

"It is clearer than ever."

"Tae!" Bogum called breathless, jogging towards the two of them. Jimin scrunched his nose. "You called for me?"

The soldier's eyes glimmered as the did the droplets of sweat over his flushed cheeks. He could count on Bogum to be there for him.

"I did," Taehyung nodded, feeling both gazes fixated on him, "I have decided to go with you, Bogum."

Notes:

I had the worst day, I got sick suring my vacation trip and spent the day alternating between throwing up and being in bed. But it did give me the chance to finish this chapter so there is that. I hope you enjoyed it. It is a very imporatnt turn for the story. Tell me your thoughts, if you agree with Tae or not and why. I love to read the comments. Also are you excited for BTS's comeback??? This chapter is at 7046 words, so consider it a homage hahahaha. Hope you have a wonderful new year as well, (late) happy 2020! See you soon 🤗

P.S.: you also might have noticed I finally set on exactly how many chapters I'm gonna need to finish this story. I'm excited!

Chapter 37

"What?" Jimin and Bogum said in unison.

Tae didn't care to explain, mind occupied in a discussion with himself. He entered the room that had been his den for so long with both men in heels. He had to leave the palace that moment. Jeongguk would come to see him once he was done entertaining Jieun, run back to his arms and Taehyung could not pretend they were fine anymore. However, he had no energy to have that talk, to confront and be honest to him. More than anything he didn't want to look at the man he loved and have anger and disappointment be his prevalent feelings.

"Tae, what are you talking about?" Jimin inquired alarmed, standing in his way. "You can't simply leave."

Taehyung went around him, straight to the wardrobe. He pulled his few clothing pieces out, arms trying to hold them all at once. There was a rumble behind him as Bogum and Jimin argued. A tressed bag forgotten in the corner of the closet caught his attention. Namjoon's bag. The image of Jeongguk walking out of his old house with what was left of Taehyung's past in his arms came back to him. All he had before coming to Jinse. All he would have after leaving. His injured knees throbbed when he crouched to grab it. Tae stuffed the clothes inside it whatever way they fit.

"Taehyung," Jimin gripped his shoulders to force him to turn around, "what are you doing?"

His eyes popped under raised eyebrows, the urgency and irritation of his voice also present in them. It was not the sweet, serene Jimin he was used to seeing, no comfort for him. Taehyung felt like a scolded child, tiny under his questioning stare.

"I am taking myself out of a bad situation."

Taehyung shrugged his hands off. Bogum remained near the door, watching his rebellion stunned. Tae pushed the bag to his arms. The soldier got hold of it without a request even needing to be made, a small smile on his lips. Almost proud. Jimin on the other only grew more annoyed.

"You cannot leave like this! Please, Jeongguk does not deserve this, you must at least talk to him properly!"

"Can I stay at your house?" Tae met Bogum's puffy eyes. "Until the day of the trip comes."

"Yes, of course," he agreed promptly, "whatever you need."

"Taehyung, think about what this will do to Guk," Jimin pleaded, "he loves you! How can you simply leave him with no words?"

"You told me to be selfish," Tae muttered over his shoulder. Jimin scoffed.

"This is not what I meant. Think this through, you will break his heart, Taehyung. Do you not care about his feelings?"

Taehyung's teeth started to grind. Jimin's glare burned his back. Him breaking Jeongguk's heart. How ironic.

"Bogum, wait outside," he ordered the soldier, "I need to talk to Jimin alone."

Bogum glanced from one upset man to the other and took the opportunity to distance himself from the battlefield. Tae turned at Jimin who stared him down with folded arms.

"You speak as if Jeongguk has not broken mine several times."

"This is bitterness talking," he tried to reason, stepping closer to Taehyung's tense body, "Guk never wanted to hurt you, you know it, Tae. He has been bending over backwards to keep you happy."

Taehyung fixated on his own dirty feet, traces of blood in his sandals. Jeongguk's efforts were falling short as were his.

"I don't want my happiness to be an obligation for him," he said at last, putting his fear into words, "it is not fair to the both of us. I love him and I do care, you know I do, but I have had enough. I am miserable and I don't want to be anymore."

"Talk to him," Jimin insisted, "don't let go yet, you both can still find a way."

Tae sighed, not sharing Jimin's outsider optimism. Jeongguk's happiness was more important than Taehyung's to him. And it was not his emotions being meddled with.

"I know you want to protect Jeongguk, he is your family, but you don't know what I am facing, Jimin. It is easy for you to pass judgement, no one has ever gotten in the way of your happiness with Yoongi."

Jimin thinned his lips, refraining from arguing further.

"You're right. I was unfair," he admitted, "I apologize. But I just want to help."

"I know. I will forever be grateful for your advice and encouragement, you have been a great support to us, but this is not something you can help with, Jimin."

"Think better on it, Tae, you two love each other so much. You have faced so much together."

"I need to prioritize my well being," Taehyung determined, the last bit of his strength and pride fueling him, "I cannot stay here anymore. I will talk to Guk and explain it all to him, you need not worry. I love and respect him too much to simply leave without a word. I will talk to him, but not today," he clarified, hugging himself, "today it hurts too much. Today I can't look at him, much less say anything to him without it being twisted by resentment. Today I don't want to love Jeongguk."

His head lowered in defeat. He was surrendering at last. It was frustrating to admit their relationship was dying an agonizing death, but he could not live with eyes closed.

"What happened?" Jimin asked hesitant. "How did you come to this?"

"Did he ever tell you about the beach?" Taehyung questioned, voice breaking at the last word. The memory of their first kiss was vivid enough to transport him back to that night, the sticky feeling of the sea water on his skin, Jeongguk's salty lips. He didn't want to let the sweet moment be stained by what came later. "Did he tell you what happened there?"

For an instant Jimin's eyes disappeared under his cheeks when his mouth curved in a genuine grin.

"He did. You kissed him there, right? Ah, he was over the moon. I remember it so well. Then he proposed to you there. I helped him organize it, he was afraid you would say no, but then you said yes and I had never seen as happy as when he told me about it, about your future together."

At least it had meant something to him once.

"Oh yes?" Tae was unable to smile back, "Well, he was there with her today."

Jimin's grin faded.

"Tae..."

"I know what you will say and what he will say," Tae interrupted him, a hand raising to cut the excuses, "but I don't want to hear it today. Tomorrow, I need until tomorrow."

"He is going to go after you."

"Then you must stop him," Taehyung warned, "last thing he needs is more rumors about him, about us. Ask him to respect my decision of staying at Bogum's house tonight and say tomorrow I will come to his encounter. But please don't tell him about me leaving yet. I need to tell him myself."

Jimin nodded, but his pursed lips showed his dissatisfaction.

"Alright. If that is what you need I will do it for you. I will talk to Yoongi to help me keep him here."

Tae placed a hand over his arm. Jimin raised his sad eyes at him.

"Thank you."

"And will you be fine?"

"Tomorrow."

Bogum waited for him outside, twisting the handles of his bag. His mouth opened when Tae stepped out, but Taehyung was quicker.

"Lead the way," he said, not looking at his face.

Perhaps the soldier understood the message of Taehyung's silent and fast steps, for he refrained from sparking conversation as well. Life went on. The market was active as always, people laughed, exchanged hellos and goodbyes, the flowers still bloomed. Children ran around him, falling and getting back up, no time for tears when they had more games to play. The world was not ending.

Bogum's house was only a block away from the palace, a sober but elegant property, too big for someone who lived alone. But was Tae sure that he did? Taehyung realized he had never asked Bogum about himself. Never asked about his family or his dreams, never even thought about it. And yet Bogum still cared for him, worrying about his well being, lending him his hand when Tae tripped.

"Welcome," he said when they entered the hall, "please make yourself at home."

"Can you show me where I will sleep, please?" He questioned, looking around the living room, "I would like to rest."

He thought he caught a sulk on Bogum's lips at the corner of his eyes, but it was gone when his head turned.

"Sure. Come with me." The soldier took him to the back of the house. "Those are my chambers," he pointed at the door at the end of the hallway, then opened the one besides it, "and this is a guest room where you can stay."

It was a simple, characterless space. White walls and white linen and few furniture. No balcony. Bogum deposited the bag with his clothes on the ground.

"I will tell the servants you are my guest, they will help you with whatever you need."

"Thank you."

Taehyung walked inside and sat over the bed, the mattress too stiff. Bogum didn't move, watching him expectant.

"Thank you for your help, Bogum," Tae said, managing to show him something that resembled a smile.

"Let me treat your wounds," he offered to which Taehyung shook his head.

"I appreciate your offer, but I can do it myself. Just bring me supplies please."

That time Bogum could not disguise the disappointment in his face. Taehyung hoped he would naturally understand his need for space, at least for the time being.

"Alright, if you want that way."

Bogum provided him with gauze and alcohol. It was comforting to have someone take care of you. Tae remembered the way Jeongguk had treated his wounds first in his city, then later as Tae recovered on his chambers after battle. How he had returned that care, tending to Jeongguk when he needed. He didn't want to mix Bogum with those memories.

Tae cleaned the injuries of his hands and knees from the fall. They were stingy, but not severe. Soon no marks would be left. Then he treated the cuts of his feet that made it hard to walk. A thorn was stuck on it, little black spot calling his attention to the sore area once he was clean. Tae forced it out, teeth were buried on his lip to prevent himself from yelping. Still, a little whine escaped once he gave the final squeeze. But it was good pain, the kind that preceded healing.

He fell asleep before supper, the heavy day weighing over him. Tae wished for a night of no dreams, but he was repeatedly confronted by images of Jeongguk. Jeongguk hurt, Jongguk crying, Jeongguk saying he hated him. Jeongguk marrying Jieun, ripping Taehyung's bracelet away to give it to her.

Tae rose along the sun. Sweat soaked his sheets despite the chilly weather. Nausea dominated him, an ache in the spot where he pressed his stomach. It was no food that made him sick, no illness, or anything treatable.

The only source of fresh air in the bedroom was a window. Taehyung put his head out, taking in the smell of grass that came from Bogum's garden. From that angle he could only spot the corner of the palace, the first rays of the day appearing behind it. He knew what he'd find when he got back there and the thought alone made him want to give up leaving. Guk would not have slept, worry, regret and fear not giving him truce.

But things were different. Maybe Jeongguk would not have cared much. He would have had a nice night of sleep, not minding whatever nonsense Taehyung was up to, knowing he would eventually be back, like always. That option would be better for Taehyung, he could leave without a heavy heart. Just a broken one.

He rehearsed and rehearsed the speech in his head, apologies mixing with accusations, pettiness fighting against affection for who would have the final word. Nevertheless when he walked inside the palace he didn't know what to say. Nothing felt right, nothing would make it easier. He spotted a guard at Jeongguk's door. Not just any guard but Min Yoongi, back leaned against the door, sword swaying in his hands like toy.

Yoongi studied him from head to toe when he stoped by the door.

"You look awful."

Taehyung's eyes rolled, but he brushed his hair automatically.

"How is he?"

"How do you think? Jeongguk can be too sensitive for his own good sometimes..." There was a moment of silence as Taehyung prepared to go inside. Yoongi observed the tension of his shoulders. "Jimin told me about your decision."

"Are you going to congratulate me?" Tae reciprocated his humorless stare. "Do I get a pat on the back?"

"I truly think you are making a good choice for the both of you."

"Of course you do," he muttered, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, "what did you say to him? He doesn't know it yet, does he?"

"Jimin did most of the talking. And he did as you asked, just told him you had seen them at the beach, that you were deeply hurt and decided to take shelter at Bogum's house for the night to avoid him."

"Most of the truth then. How did he react?"

He didn't know what answer he wanted to hear.

"He got mad. You know him." Tae did. "He wanted to murder Park Bogum with his bare hands at which point I had to physically intervene, and by that I mean I had to fight him to get him to listen. Jimin talked him down, said that you would be even more upset if he went to Bogum's to fight and that it would spread around the town, rumors and all that, but he still didn't stop so we locked him up."

"You did what?!"

"Only until he calmed down," Yoongi fended, "and Jimin stayed inside with him while he cried. I couldn't step in because he wants to kill me too since I always opposed your relationship. He blamed me, Bogum, himself... Not the easiest night." Yoongi scratched his brow. The bags under his eyes corroborated the statement. Taehyung rubbed his rigid neck, avoiding the guilt he himself felt. "Jimin said he got worn out eventually and fell asleep, then had nightmares and woke up again."

It was not only him then.

"Is he awake now? Is Jimin still here?"

"Jeongguk has been up since dawn I think, which was around the time Jimin left because he insisted on being alone."

"Go get him," Tae asked, fiddling with his bracelet, "I don't want Guk to be alone after-"

He couldn't finish the sentence. Yoongi nodded.

"Alright. He hasn't eaten since yesterday so please tell him to do it."

"I will."

"And when you let him down," Yoongi added, placing his hand over the door handle before Tae could get hold of it, "please do it gently. He is hurting too."

Taehyung swallowed dry.

"I will try."

He inhaled as much air as his lungs could hold. The freezing metal handle shook when Taehyung gripped it. The door opened to a sad scene. Pillows had been thrown around, the racket had fallen to the ground, a flower vase was shattered at a corner of the bedroom, flowers dying in the middle of the puddle of water and glass. His eyes countered the shape of Jeongguk's pale body on the porch outside, back facing the door. His scars were exposed.

"I said I didn't want to talk to you, Yoongi," he muttered, not looking back.

Yoongi huffed, shutting the door for them. Tae stepped closer to the balcony cautious. Jeongguk shivered when the wind touched him. There was a purple bruise by his waist probably where Yoongi had hit him. Taehyung enjoyed what could be his last chance to appreciate his beauty, each countour and corner. But he wasn't there to do that.

"It's me, Gukie."

Taehyung didn't recognize his own voice, half air, half cry. Jeongguk's posture changed, perking up. He glanced back unsure, spotting the ghost of his lover. A breath and the distance died into an embrace. Their chests hit violently. Jeongguk's heart drummed his, changing its rhythm. Tae's fingers hesitated before they met the bumps of his scars, barely touching the cold skin.

"You are freezing," he murmured.

"I'm sorry," Kook cried on his shoulder, soaking his collar, "I'm so sorry. Please don't do this again, please. I was so scared. I love you, I love you so much."

Taehyung gave in, arms closing around his waist, squeezing him back.

"I love you too."

That was the best answer he could give at the moment. The one that would hurt less without being false. Because whatever the end was Taehyung did love him. That would never be a lie. He hid his own tears on Jeongguk's hair, wanting to delay the delivery of the news that would break them apart.

"Gukie," he whispered when Jeongguk's nose sniffed his nape, lips leaving soft kisses there, "you need to cover yourself. You will become ill if you don't dress appropriately for the cold. And you need to eat."

It tickled when Guk moved his head, shaking it.

"I don't care. I don't deserve your concern. I'm sorry, Tae. I know you are tired of hearing it, but please don't give up on me."

He knew. Even if Jimin hadn't told him, inside he knew. It was the natural outcome, they only delayed it. Yet Taehyung couldn't bring himself to speak, threading Jeongguk's hair as he struggled with the words. The boy raised his head, watery eyes finding his. When Guk gazed at him like that, starry irises dripping adoration, Taehyung believed his every promise. When he held him, as if he had the world in his hands, tender and protective, Tae remembered why he had been willing to make any sacrifice to be by his side. He wanted nothing more than to heal the cracks of his heart. It was easy to forget the rest.

"Don't do this again," he pleaded, bringing Tae back to the problem at hand, "fight me, scream at me, say you hate me for all I care, but please don't go away without even giving me a chance to convince you to stay."

"I was upset." Taehyung hiccuped, stepping away from his touch. Jeongguk's hands fell limp. "I was in a lot of pain, physical and emotional and I needed to be away from you. You know I saw you at the beach with her. How could you?"

Jeongguk's head was already shaking vehemently before he managed to articulate any sentences.

"No, I didn't- I promise you it is not what you are thinking! I am sorry about going there with her, but sh-she kept insisting on seeing the sea closer then I told her about the beach and she wanted me to take her."

"You should have said no."

"I did," he yelped, "but she insisted."

"And you gave in," Tae concluded melancholic, "just like you agreed to this wedding."

Jeongguk gulped, shrinking.

"I did not want to upset her-"

"Why? She is going to marry you already."

"But I need to make sure she doesn't change her mind. If she decides she doesn't want to marry me, if she tells her dad I am not fit, it could ruin everything, I would lose the alliance, fragilize the kingdom and put us all in risk. Please understand."

"I do," he nodded, sniffing, "I know you have too much to be concerned about, matters that are more pressing than my feelings."

"Don't be like this, Tae," Jeongguk asked, palms caressing his arms, "I was thinking of you, and only you, the whole time I was there and realized that without you that place has no meaning. Nothing has meaning."

"It is our memories, Jeongguk, our precious moments being ignored and replaced," Taehyung explained, words clawing out, leaving scratches in his throat on the way out, "you don't understand it because it is not you being written out of the story. You know how special that place is to me. You should have never accepted to take her there."

"Tae, you are not being replaced."

"How would you feel if the roles were reversed? If it was me and Bogum?"

The mention of the name made Jeongguk let go of him, veins popping in his neck.

"Why are you bringing him up?"

"It hurts, doesn't it?" He provoked, seeing Jeongguk's jaw clench, "It bothers you that he has feelings for me. I am trying to make you see my side. Jieun has feelings for you, Guk, she told me. All that she is doing is to get closer to you, to make you fall and you are accepting it, feeding her desires. You can send Bogum away, I cannot get rid of her. I have to stand back in the shadows while she tries to take you away from me. How am I supposed to feel?"

"She can try whatever she wants, it will not work. It is you that I love," he proclaimed, brushing a hairstrand away from Taehyung's brow, "how many times need I repeat it?"

Words. More words for him. They were all they had, what Taehyung clung to to reassure himself. Words were empty without matching actions.

"The other night... You thought I was asleep, but I wasn't," Taehyung confessed, deciding to address the moment that had troubled him. "I was too sad to talk, I just wanted you to hold me, but you left, Guk. You thought I would not know and you didn't even hesitate about leaving."

Jeongguk's mouth opened and closed only air coming out of it at first.

"This is not fair," he complained, annoyed, "I was having a difficult day myself. Yoongi argued with me because I left Jieun waiting and then the council meeting was awful because we lost more crops and Jieun was demanding my attention and I wanted to talk to you, but you were asleep and I thought it was because I took too long so I just went to my room because I know I do not deserve to find solace in you anyways since I have only been disappointing you and I feel guilty all the damn time."

"Guilt," Taehyung repeated the frustrating word, Jeongguk's new feelings for him, "is this what we are left to?"

Jeongguk raised his pointer finger, both in a denial and a request for a moment, his own thoughts seeming jumbled like Taehyung's had been since the day prior.

"I did not say that."

"I feel like a liability," he whispered, shoulders going down along with his eyes, "a loose end, a promise you made and cannot break."

"It is not true!" He protested, exasperated, "Everything I do to make you happy, I do out of genuine love, Taehyung. I have been trying to make you see this, to make you feel my love, but it doesn't seem to be working. What more do you want from me?"

Taehyung gazed at him. It was a simple answer.

"I just want you, Gukie. Choose me back. Call off the wedding."

Where that last wish came from was unknown to Taehyung. When he woke up that morning he was determined to end his relationship with the emperor. He was going to the palace to tell him that, let him know he was leaving. Yet, seeing Guk weep, cling, insist on their relationship, he could not help but hope for one last time that their fates could be different. He dared to hope they could be together. But the light in Jeongguk's eyes was gone.

"Taehyung," he dragged out his name, avoiding the rest of the sentence but Tae knew how it ended, "it is not that simple. You know I can't."

He knew, but he was foolish. He loved Jeongguk enough to expect the emperor would make him the center of his life like he was the center of Taehyung's. He lowered his head, hiding his disappointment.

"I do. And it is not your fault you cannot meet my expectations. I expected too much. You have more important affairs to dedicate your attention and time to. You are a good ruler, Guk, and you have always wanted a bright future for your people. I will not get in the way of it."

Jeongguk's fingertips caressed Taehyung's chin, raising it up so their eyes were on the same level.

"Nothing is more important to me than you, I swear."

Tae smiled with sadness at his attempt.

"It is not true, we both know it. You are the emperor you have thousands of lives to think about. But I only have you and this is why it could never work. I have nothing else left in this world except for you," he admitted, aware it sounded pitiful, but it was his truth, Jeongguk had filled every space of his life. "After that day... After they died, I lived to hate you, now I live to love you. My friends are your friends, my house is your house, my future is your future. I left everything behind to be with you, even my religion. I am living your story. You are all I have, Gukie, this is why I cannot accept only half of you. I am sorry too."

"Tae, what are you saying?"

"I thought I had found another home here, but it is not this place, it is you, Gukie. My feelings, my desires, my hopes, my energy, it was all deposited in you. I cannot be with you if you will not give yourself to me the way I have given myself to you. It is too painful and frustrating to wait for scrapes of you. I am not saying this to make you feel guilty, I know you are giving me all you can, but I cannot live like this anymore. I am too hurt... I... I need to-, I have to-," the words were ready, yet they tripped on his tongue, refusing to roll out.

"Don't."

"Forgive me, Guk, but I have decided to leave Jinse."

The air became heavy once he spoke what he had been silencing, what Jeongguk had been dreading to hear. The emperor stared at him expressionless, silent tears rushing down his cheeks.

"What- What do you mean leave?" He mumbled, "Are you giving up?"

"Guk, listen to me-"

But his weak voice could not compete against Jeongguk's harsh short breaths.

"G-Go where?" His deer eyes peered at Taehyung. "How long?!"

"Calm down, please." Tae cupped his red face, drying the copious tears to no use. "Try to understand my decision. I will depart in a few days to the southern kingdoms with Bogum-"

"What?!" Jeongguk pushed him away, startling Taehyung who stumbled back. "You are leaving me for him? How did he convince you? Unless- Are you two having something behind my back?"

"Jeongguk," Taehyung reprehended, the accusation offending him, "don't you dare speak to me as if you have any right to feel jealous. Specially when I never gave you any reason to not trust me. Bogum is nothing more than a friend. I am loyal to you."

"Then why are you doing this to me?" He inquired afflicted.

"I already explained my motives. It is too painful to stay and have to share you, have to see you with her. I cannot live here and I cannot spend my life waiting for you. There needs to be more to it or else I will be constantly frustrated."

But Jeongguk did not seem to listen, cursing at himself.

"I'm so dumb. I should have know, I should have seen this coming. I should have sent him away before he could ruin everything."

Taehyung encapsulated his fists, opening his palms to hold his hands. Jeongguk blinked, focusing on him once more.

"Please, listen to me, Jeongguk. It is not his fault. I made this decision for myself. I am doing what I felt would be best for me."

"And what about me?" He questioned hoarse, "You are the love of my life. Did you even consider me in this equation, Tae?"

"Gukie..." he sighed, thumbs brushing his bruised knuckles. Jeongguk's gaze was attentive on him, catching his every detail, "You will always be the one I love most in this world. My one true love. I wanted to spend my life with you, but we reached a wall and we have been hitting our heads against it ever since. You made the choice that was best for you and your empire. I am doing the same. I cannot live the way you ask me to."

"I know it is too much, I do, but I thought you loved me enough, Tae. I thought we would grow old together." He went mute for a moment, frowning at Taehyung, confused by the change in plans. "You made a promise, remember? Do these mean nothing to you?"

He grabbed Taehyung's wrist, raising it up to bring the bracelets into his view. The blue chord grazed the red one. Tae's lips became a thin a line, cheeks puffing with repressed cry.

"Really?" He released his wrist from the grip, "After all I have endured and sacrificed to be with you, Jeongguk... I was willing to give my life to protect yours, I left everything behind, I forgave the unimaginable, how can you doubt my love for you? Love is the reason I could stand this situation for so long and why I must leave now when loving you has become a torture."

"So this is your limit?" Jeongguk questioned strangled, "You are giving up after everything?"

Tae recoiled under his critical glare.

"Yes, Guk, I am. This is a battle we cannot win and I'm tired. You brought me the most happiness. You brought me back to life really." Tears streamed along with the flood of memories, no controlling anymore. "You opened a new world for me and showed me love like I had never felt before and never will feel again. But now being here is, more than anything, bringing me sorrow. And before the beautiful memories and feelings I associate with you turn into something ugly and unrecognizable, I prefer to take my distance."

"Sounds so simple to you."

"It is not. I told myself many times to try harder, to endure more, but I have been holding on to this dream to the point my hands have started to bleed. I need to let go."

"Is this your revenge?" He questioned out a sudden, puzzling Tae. "Your way to destroy me? How satisfying my pain must be to you."

"Do you really believe that I would ever want to see you suffer? That I would do anything to harm you, Guk?"

"You have admitted to me that you wanted to. You never truly loved me, did you? Of course not, how could you? How could someone like you love someone like me?" He wiped his eyes harshly, irritating the skin, "I was naive to believe you did, I didn't understand why, but I believed it. I believed it would last, that I could be truly happy. I should have known I have no right to be."

Taehyung ached seeing him hurt himself.

"That was before. Then I got to know you and I truly do deem you worthy of love and happiness, Jeon Jeongguk. I stopped seeing you with the contempt you still see yourself with. I never lied about my feelings."

But the emperor was convinced.

"Give it back," Jeongguk demanded breathless, hand stretched forward. Taehyung's eyes traveled down to where his glare was fixated on.

"Jeongguk-"

"Let us end this ridiculous fantasy. Give it back."

Taehyung protected the precious bracelet with his other hand.

"I don't want to. Its meaning is not lost to me. I want to cherish it, as I will cherish the moments we spent together for the rest of my life."

"Stop lying!" He thundered, alarming Taehyung. "Do you think I cannot take the truth? You are leaving, you broke your promise."

"I promised to love you, Guk, and I do. And I will."

"No, you don't. And I don't want to be a pathetic fool in love anymore. Give it back."

Taehyung blinked through the tears. Jeongguk didn't look at him, the distance between them larger than ever. Maybe it was for the best to cut all the binds.

"Fine, if that is what you want."

He untied the knot with tact as his main sense, vision blurred by the water. The bracelet fell from his wrist.

"I wish it could have been different-"

"Just leave," he murmured, fixated on the blue spot on the ground.

Taehyung gnawed the inside of his cheeks, taking in uneven breaths.

"Goodbye, Jeongguk."

A wail sounded on his back when he got to the door, piercing his armor. He could not stop himself from looking back to see Guk on his knees, clutching his chest as if Taehyung had buried a sword in there. Of all the ways he had imagined his last moments with the emperor when they first met, Taehyung could not have foreseen both would leave weeping. He had told himself many times since then that he did not want to hurt Jeongguk. Yet in the end, he still did.

Jimin and Yoongi stood up when he walked out, questions written on their concerned faces.

"He needs you," Tae informed, still unable to let go of the handle, "both of you."

Jimin immediately ran inside. Taehyung saw him kneel by the emperor and pull him into a hug, hand soothing his back. Jeongguk fisted his clothes, sobs making him quake. Jimin's calming words were lost amid his cries. Taehyung was aware it was his fault. He had done that to him. Yet he had to turn around a leave him to drown on his own. It was the choice they made. Yoongi stopped in front of him, observing Taehyung's turmoil.

"I tried," Tae promised, breaking down as well, "I really did."

Yoongi surprised him by placing a hand over his shoulder, a gentle squeeze of silent support.

"I know," he said sincerely, compassion like Tae imagined to be beyond him showing in his eyes, "he will be fine, eventually."

"L- Look after him please."

"And you?" Yoongi asked, chin moving forwards, "Who will take care of you, Taehyung?"

Tae dried his tears with the back of his hands.

"It is past the time I learn to look after myself."

He forced himself to leave, feet struggling to walk on the opposite direction of where they wanted to lead him. There was nothing more to be said, words could not fix the situation. And he had his own pain to soothe. He ran back to Bogum's house in search of refugee, both hands covering his mouth, silencing his cries. He jumped the steps up two at a time and locked himself in the guest bedroom. The waves crashed, bringing him under water, not letting him breathe or stand. More than his bracelet had been left in the palace. He clutched his knees close to his chest that had been set on fire, sobs coming from inside of him as part of Taehyung was cut out, forcefully ripped away. The pillow was his only companion, stifling the desperate sounds.

Or so he thought.

"Taehyung?" Bogum called outside, knocking. Tae inhaled deeply, holding his emotion back. "I can hear you, you know? And I understand if you want to be alone, but I'm worried. Please, let me in, at least for a bit."

Tae hesitated for a moment, but he truly craved human comfort, a hug with more care and warmth than his pillow could offer him. He unlocked the door. Bogum's expression softened when his eyes set on the disgruntled boy.

"Stop," Taehyung requested, voice in shreds, "I do not want your pity."

"It is not pity," Bogum corrected. His hand gently touched Taehyung's cheek. "I wish I could do something..."

"Just- Just give me a hug, please."

Bogum immediately pulled him in. Admittedly it was not the embrace Taehyung wanted, not the touch he longed for, not the scent that he was familiar with. It was not the heart he knew beating against his, but it was good enough. He could learn to live with that. He had to.

Notes:

You guys I just received my SY in São Paulo DVD as I updated this chapter and I started freaking out because it's so beautiful and a very blurry me appears o the poster and I'm so hapy and excited! Appologies if there my mistakes in the chapter, I'll come back to revise it later when I can breathe and think properly lol. As always thank you for reading, let's talk and cry over taekook in the comments please! Also, follow me on twitter @staelarbts to cry over taekook and BTS there too

Chapter 38

The stone bounced on the surface of the small pond three time before it sank. Jeongguk whined, stomping his foot down.

"Let me try again!" He asked, turning to Taehyung who laughed. "Please, I can do better. Give me one more chance."

"You had your chance already," Tae teased, bopping his nose.

He threw his stone, attentively counting the one, two, three, four, five jumps before it sank. He cheered, dancing in place, as Jeongguk complained, lips in pout.

"This is not fair."

"Of course it is, you picked this game. Don't be a sore loser, Gukie." Taehyung threw his arms around the boy, bringing him closer. "What is my prize going to be?"

He rubbed the top of his head against Jeongguk's cheek. Guk side eyed him, but he twisted, standing face to face to him. He cupped Taehyung's cheeks, bringing his lips to him. Tae held him tight, fingertip twisting one of his curls. They swayed, breathing the other's air, noses rubbing, mouths refusing to be separated for long.

They laid down in the meadow, fingers intertwined. Jeongguk played with his knuckles, pecking the bones. A few clouds dotted the sky. Tae closed his eyes, enjoying that perfect moment. Jeongguk let go of him.

"Give me another chance."

"You're still at it?" He mocked. "It's just a game, Gukie."

"Tae, please, don't give up on me."

Taehyung's eyes opened hearing the shift of his voice. It had gone dark, the sun faded. Jeongguk was on his knees next to him.

"Guk, what-"

"If you loved me you would stay," he whimpered, shaking as tears dropped from his eyes, "don't you care? Did you even consider my feelings?"

Tae lost the words, not understanding how it had come to that. Yet he knew exactly what Jeongguk was talking about. They had had that conversation before.

"I- I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"No, you are not!" Jeongguk yelled, "You lied to me! You said you would stay! You said you loved me!"

Cries resonated, turning into loud thunders, coming from the other boy and then, Taehyung noticed, from himself as well. Tears pooled around them.

"I'm so sorry, Gukie." He shivered, if it was because of the cold, the hiccups or the fear of losing his lover, he couldn't tell. "Please understand me. I love you, I do. I never wanted it to end this way."

But Jeongguk couldn't hear anymore. The tears had created an ocean between them, one Taehyung could not get past. It didn't matter how much he flapped his arms, fighting the current, reaching his hand out for him, the emperor slipped away.

Tae jolted, hand stretching to only grasp empty air. It was dark in the bedroom as well. He took in shallow breaths, rubbing his stingy eyes. Not real. And yet real. He fell back against the uncomfortable pillow, ruffling his own hair. Be it dream or reality it would always end with him and Guk separated.Not one night went by that Jeongguk wasn't the main subject of his dreams, dreams that repeated their last conversation. Taehyung wondered if it would always be that way. Guk would follow him wherever. In the lack of his embrace, burning some sage was the second best chance Tae had to sleep peacefully, but he couldn't ask Jeongguk for it. He knew he could always ask Jimin, surely he would get it for him. Or even Bogum. There was a way if he truly wanted it. But despite the distress they brought, he didn't want those dreams to go away. Even if they ended nightmares there was a part of it where he found happiness he knew to be impossible awake. And those moments almost made the following anguish worth it.

Staying in bed was pointless, he woke up from his delusions too agitated to fall back asleep. The house was silent, so were the surroundings. Tae walked out his bedroom, wanting to go to the garden to try meditating again. After leaving his practice aside getting back was hard. But it was a rewarding effort when he was able to suspend himself from his troublesome world for a brief moment. He missed combat training, a lot more than he ever imagined he would. Not only because of Jeongguk, but also because it allowed him to lash his frustrations out, burn his fuel. It was an activity to put his focus on, when he was with the sword, only his and his opponents movements existed. Although different, meditating helped him clear his mind too. At least for a few moments, until he cracked again. Tae grunted when he was taken by a train of thought for the third time in a row. Years to perfect that habit and it was so easily lost.

"Isn't it too early to be upset?"

Tae tilted his head back to gaze at Bogum who stood behind him, looking down.

"Sadly these things cannot be scheduled."

"What is it that bothers you?" He raised a brow, stepping in front of him, covering the sun with his tall figure.

"I am struggling with my focus."

Bogum's mouth opened into an "oh", as he nodded, fingers tapping his chin.

"That is frustrating indeed. But maybe you are just hungry?" Tae snorted, shaking his head. Bogum's eyes narrowed. "Have you had breakfast yet?"

"No, I was not hungry at all."

"But you need to eat," he argued, making a point Tae could not refute. Taehyung reconsidered his recent behavior. It was true that he had skipped a number of meals without even realizing. "Join me for breakfast, it will do you good."

He offered his hand in invitation. Tae didn't want to be swallowed by pain. He was making a new beginning for himself. He needed to act as such. He grabbed the rope Bogum threw at him. It led him to a small round table in the garden. A maid finished putting a plate of fruits over it. Bogum pulled a chair out for him to sit.

"I only use the garden during summer, but since you seem to like the outdoors so much I thought you might enjoy eating here."

He sat by his side, pouring juice on Taehyung's cup. Tae smiled faintly.

"That's considerate of you."

"I will always be considerate of your desires, Taehyung."

His forwardness had Tae adjusting further against the chair, taking his glass to hold between them. He appreciated the details of the architecture around him, the canopy over them and the vine in the columns that sustained it.

"Your house is really pretty," he diverted the conversation, "I don't think I have said it before."

"Thank you," Bogum grinned, observing him attentive, "how has your stay been?"

"I'm alright," Tae assured, knowing what he was truly asking, "really. You have been so generous to me, I am very grateful."

But he didn't look into his eyes or touch any of his food.

"Have you been eating properly, Tae?"

"I... Not really," he confessed sheepish, "I don't feel hungry much."

Bogum breathed out, wetting his lips.

"You can't do this to yourself, Tae," he reprehend, leaning closer to him, "I know it has been hard for you, but you can't let Jeongguk affect your health."

Taehyung frowned at him when he put a loaf of bread on his plate.

"It is not his fault. I'm sure he is not eating as well."

"You know what I mean." But Tae didn't. He didn't like the tone with which Bogum spoke of Jeongguk either, but last thing he wanted was to pick a fight with the one person who had stuck to him. After all, everything Bogum did was motivated by his concern and care for Taehyung. "You need to take care of your body, or else how will you handle the travel?"

Tae sighed, taking a piece of the bread with his hands.

"You're right, I know," he swallowed with the help of the juice, "but you don't need to worry about me."

"I cannot help it."

Tae looked at him in the corner of his eye, catching his fond stare. He recoiled, fringe falling over his downcast face.

"I realized I never asked you about yourself," he commented a little ashamed, "it seems unfair when you are always worrying about me."

"I am not very interesting," Bogum retorted with a half grin, "but if you want to know something just ask."

"How did you end up here?" Tae shot, "In Jinse, I mean."

Bogum stretched in his sit, pointer finger running over his lip.

"The way almost all of us did, because of a Jeon," he laughed humorless, "this is a story not all that unfamiliar to you, I'm sure. I was just another drifter."

"Like Jeongguk?" He asked, perking up. Bogum scrunched his nose.

"Not quite. I became one when I was much older, after my family lost our crops. Taxes were quite abusive, we couldn't afford a piece of land anymore, so we decided to flee our village before someone came to ask our due. It was a violent time..." his eyes got turve for a moment, "There were a lot of people like us, in the run from debt or threats. We got by, helped each other here and there. After a while like this my family came across a more organized group led by Jeongguk's father."

Tae rested his cheek over his palm, watching the way Bogum's finger caressed his lower lip as he remade his steps.

"I never imagined you and Jeongguk knew each other for that long. You have lived it all with him then?"

"I am not close to him like Yoongi, but we go way back. Most of the people in the higher ranks do. I knew his family, he knew mine. We lost them and other friends along the way. It was a rough life."

"He told me."

Taehyung was aware of the trace of pride in his voice, a certain arrogance and joy over having the privilege of knowing Jeon Jeongguk in ways no one did. Bogum nodded.

"I imagined he did. Must have been even worse for him. His father was harsh, but he kept us alive, gave us unity."

"Was he a good leader?" Tae inquired, involved into the story, thoughts slipping back to Jeongguk without notice.

"He was the leader we needed," Bogum replied, joining his hands over his crossed legs, "he always sounded as if he was upset. And he probably was, there was a lot to be mad about. The group grew as taxes raised and poverty increased, only the ones who could prove their worth in getting food or fighting were allowed to stay. We slowly became a community. The war lords that had control of this land at the time didn't like the way Jeongdae was becoming a name of reference outside the walls of Jinse, sent people to kill him."

"Jeon Jeongdae? That was his name? Jeongguk never mentioned it."

"It was. The direct threat set him off and the rest of us didn't need much incentive to fight, years of frustration had piled up. Most didn't have anything to lose either. I had lost everyone already. And we took them down. Naturally Jungkook's father rose to power. No one questioned it. It was his win, his slaughter. But when he died, well, Jungkook was still young."

"You didn't think he would make a good ruler?" Taehyung's brows furrowed, taking a sly offense for Guk.

"To be quite honest I thought he didn't have what it took to make this empire he dreamed off strong. But I see he grew up," Bogum sliced a tangerine, "the throne asks for sacrifices."

"He has always done the best he can," Tae defended. Bogum scoffed.

"This is not an activity where mere effort is rewarded, there are lives at stake. None of us want to go back to they way it was."

"He doesn't either."

"Then he has to work to keep what we all conquered," Bogum stared at him, brows furrowed, "I understand you want to defend him, but truth is Jeongguk lacks focus, he is impulsive, he gets too easily swayed by emotions and makes dumb decisions."

"He loves this land, his people, what he built, more than he loves me. Is that not enough?"

Bogum shushed, halting his movements, knife still on air. Taehyung wished he could swallow those unthought words back. He didn't want Bogum's pitty. He didn't want to confront that truth he had just spoken. But it was undeniable, in Jeongguk's rank of priorities Taehyung lost. The soldier peered at him, but Tae's eyes ran from his, staring at his lap. He picked the corner of his nails trying to rip it off. Bogum gripped his hand, bewildering him.

"He did what he had to do. He is the emperor, Tae, there is a distance you cannot overcome."

"He was more than the emperor to me," Taehyung murmured.

The Jeongguk that visited his bedroom, that snored by his side and woke up next to him with hair pointing at all directions. The Jeongguk whose laughter made his eyes crease, that teased him when he practiced with the sword, the Jeongguk that kneeled for him. His Jeongguk. They had talked about running away together, take off on the sea to find a place where they could live together. He wished it had not been just words, that they had left all the gold, escaped the politics and power play.

"You cannot change who he is or his responsibilities."

"I know. Rationally, I know it. Emotionally..."

"You can forget him," Boguk insisted, other hand cupping Taehyung's cheek, moving it in his direction, "I can help you if you simply give me the chance. Open your heart to me, Tae."

Taehyung took Bogum's hand down from his face, seeing his eyes wither, smile fading.

"I am grateful for your friendship, Bogum, and it is all I can accept. I want us to be ckear on it. I will be traveling with you, but my feelings for Jeongguk remain the same."

"For now, but I know you can find happiness again, Tae, something better that won't disappoint or hurt you. Someone who will be devoted to you first and foremost."

"I am sorry, but I am infatuated with Jeongguk."

"I will wait," he said promptly, "you are worth waiting for."

Tae stood up, Bogum did too. Taehyung stepped back, hand raising.

"Bogum, I really need you to understand my feelings now and respect my need for space," he said before things could get worse, "or else I won't be able to even be your friend."

There was a moment of awkward silence before Bogum nooded and sat down again.

"Alright, sure. I understand," but he was clearly not satisfied, "I will do my best to be a good friend."

"Thank you. I will go for a walk, to clear my head. But I shall see you tonight for dinner."

Bogum hummed behind his back when he rushed away, fixing the colar of his clothes. Tae was well aware of his feelings, Bogum had made his wishes clear. But so had him. He never gave him false hope. Yes, his distancing from Jeongguk and the acceptance of his invitation had probably looked a certain way to him, but hopefully they were on the same page after that conversation. With how his heart still yearned for Jeongguk, Tae could not feed Bogum's delusions. Last thing he wanted was to hurt anyone else. Only himself.

Said yearn led Taehyung to the library. He had to take control off of it. It was an obvious place, so easy to find him if anyone came looking. If he came looking. Precisely. His heart drummed louder when he spotted a familiar head of dark hair buried into a book he knew. Tae gulped, slipping behind a shelf. Nails scratched the wood as he got hold of his breathing. No reason to feel like he had done something wrong. The library was a public space, no reason to hide. Him and Jeongguk were adults, they could treat one another normally. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to walk up to Jeongguk. He pulled books out the shelf to peak at him. Jeongguk didn't seem to notice him there, mouth moving with every word he slowly read. Taehyung could not help smiling seeing his evolution. It was a bittersweet feeling. He had helped him get there and he wouldn't see him evolve more, wouldn't get to teach and learn from him, wouldn't get to share moments like those.

Gukie was pale, but his nose was reddish. It kept threating to run by the way he repeatedly wiped it. Small coughs escaped from time to time. A thick cape involved him. The desire to open his arms for him, ask how he was doing, kiss his forehead and help him feel better bloomed inside Taehyung, taking up all of him. Nevertheless he didn't. It was the choice he made. His life was taking a different path from Jeongguk's, no meeting places. Guk didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.

Taehyung silently watched him read curled up on the chair, imagining what the story was going like, what he would say to Guk if he could be sitting by his side. Jeongguk looked up from time to time, wide eyes searching the place a little before they lowered again. Could it be he had gone there with the same secret thought that Tae had? But Taehyung didn't dare to find out. To do that he would have to face him and his disappointment again. To risk himself by going under his tide where he could be pulled back towards him. He feared being close again would make him doubt his decision. It was safer to stay away and miss him than to confront and confuse both their feelings. He needed to move on. He made that choice. He needed to stop yearning for Jeongguk. Maybe it would not be a bad idea to open himself up to Bogum, let him help with the healing process. But who was he trying to fool? Nothing Bogum could do would take the emperor off his mind. The bracelet was gone, but Taehyung still felt bound to him. He still belonged to Jeongguk. He stretched his neck, catching a glimpse of Guk's naked wrist. Tae shrunk, slipping down to the hard marble floor of the library. He really needed to move on.

"T-"

He looked up at that first breath, shaking his head already. Jimin closed his mouth, a choked up "ae" getting silenced. He frowned.

"Jimin-ssi," Jeongguk called weakly, sounding a little nasal.

Jimin looked in his direction, smiling gently as if nothing had happened.

"How long have you been here, Guk?" he said, going up to the table. Tae observed again.

"I don't know," Jeongguk scratched his brow, "a while. I came when I woke up."

Jimin put his palm on Jeongguk's forehead, pursing his lips.

"Hm how are you feeling? You're a little warm."

"You already know how I feel."

"He's not here," Jimin assured, looking right into Taehyung's eyes through the crack of the shelf, "you can go back to the palace. This library is too cold."

"Don't mention him," Jeongguk ordered, frowning, "I did not come here to see him."

"Sure you did not. Come back with me," Jimin passed an arm around his shoulder.

"Did Yoongi ask you to come pick me up?"

"Since when do I need Yoongi to be worried about you? I told you this place is too cold. Come on."

Jimin nudged him, getting him to stand up. Tae shrunk against the shelf, taking a book to hide himself behind. Jimin led Jeongguk out. Taehyung reorganized the volumes he had messed with. He was being so childish. He wanted to speak to Guk, he had to speak to him. Having their previous talk as their last memory together was unfair. He didn't want to leave fighting him. But he also didn't want to make it worse. It was selfish. Jeongguk would be better off if he hated him. Taehyung only wanted a different conclusion to hold to himself, to feel better, to leave without guilt, but losing Jeongguk was the price of leaving.

Jimin came to see him a while later in Bogum's house. Tae could not say the visit surprised him. He had been anticipating the moment he would come, eager to know how Jeongguk had been after he left him behind crying. Jimin waited for him in the living room, foot shaking over his crossed legs.

"Hello," Tae said timidly.

He sat close to him. Jimin's torso twisted to face Taehyung, his brows raised.

"What was that?"

"Straight to the point then." He sighed, sinking in the sofa. "I didn't know how I should act around him, what to say or how to act after the last time. It was too ugly, I keep thinking he hates me so I thought it would be better to stay away. I didn't want him to be harsh to me and I didn't want to disturb him either or make him sad again..."

"As if he could ever hate you, Tae," Jimin rolled his eyes, head falling to the side, "you know how precious and dear to him you are."

Taehyung's bit the inside of his cheek, not returning Jimin's stare.

"I was, but I let him down. The- the way he talked to me, that he looked at me that day...," Tae shuddered at the memory of his stormy eyes as he asked for the bracelet back, "Jeongguk felt betrayed. He wanted to break our bond. He did break it."

Jimin brushed his fringe away, a small sigh leaving his lips.

"Do not be dramatic, Tae. He hurt you too, yet you still love him. He was upset that day, you knew he would be, but now he misses you, even if he refuses to admit it."

"How is he doing?" Tae questioned, peering at him to make sure Jimin would not lie.

"Honestly?" Taehyung nodded, Jimin brushed his own hair back, "Well, he... He is a wreck. Does everything on authomatic. He is training like a mad man to the point he fainted yesterday."

"What?" Taehyung's back straightened, muscles tensing up as he prepared himself to run to the palace.

"He is better now, Tae. He just lost consciousness for a moment, he is a little sick and weak. Sora scolded him, she is insisting that he has to rest but he is spending all his time with the sword. He wasn't eating either... It was too much effort of his body. But he is alright now," he assured, seeing Taehyung hold his breath, eyebrows furrowed as he listened with his heart in his hands, "I force fed him soup and he slept for quite a while. You saw him, he will be fine physically. I just genuinely cannot remember when I last saw him smiling.... His true smile, you know the one."

"Yes."

"He is fulfilling his duties halfheartedly, keeps avoiding Jieun. I am worried his resentment may have reached her. Yoongi is at the edge because of this, but I convinced him pressuring Guk right now would be worse. Jeongguk is not opening up to speak or listen, it is hard to reach him."

"Even to you?"

"Even to me," Jimin admitted frustrated, "he spoke a little bit when you left. It was mostly self loathing ramble. He also cried for a long long time and then he avoided mentioning it again. He is closing himself off."

"He can't. Keep an eye on him, please," Tae begged, holding his hands, "I trust you to care for him, Jimin, in a way Yoongi will not. I don't want Guk to drown in himself, to suffer in silence."

"I am doing the best I can," he assured, encapsulating his hands. Jimin's skin was warm and soft, like his voice. "I don't want this either, but there is only so much I can do. But it will pass, Tae, time is the best remedy for the heart."

"I know." The problem was enduring it.

"And you?" He leaned closer to study the bags under his eyes. "How are you?"

"I keep going. I have been growing a new skin." To survive the thorns of his path he had to. "And I am alright. I chose this, I cannot complain. I am doing the best for myself, I know I am." He tried to smile, but it failed, lips turning thin.

"Tae," Jimin murmured lovingly. He knew his compassionate tone well by then.

"No, there is no need to be like this," he insisted, swallowing dry, "It's fine. This is what I wanted, Jimin. I just... I simply cannot believe it ended this way. How did we get to not even speaking to each other? I truly believed and hoped I would hold his hand until the day I died, and even beyond, and to have to let go of it for my own sake, is a mixture of emotions. I know I am doing the right choice, I need to be away from this place now, but it hurts."

His voice was getting heavy again. Please not again. He didn't want to give way to those feelings. He had not cried about it since the day of their separation and it was hard enough to cointain it that time.

"You can cry if you want to," he encouraged, squeezing his hands, "I promise I will dry your tears."

"I don't want to! I don't want to give in or else it will be hard to pull myself back. I feel this emptiness, this pull in my stomach. I ignore it, but I miss him. I miss him so much. I physically feel his absence like I am missing part of myself, like I am waking up into a different world, away from home, like something is wrong. It makes me restless. And the fact that he won't talk to me, that he is angry at me makes it worse. I know I let him down. I know he is suffering and I want to stop it, but I can't," he admitted his conflict, hand massaging his strangled heart, "I am leaving him behind, I cannot fix things for us. I don't want to be hypocritical, to give him hope and disappoint him all over again. But I want to be near him more than anything. I thought these plans when my weakness is too strong, ways to see him... I thought about going to the training centre at night to see if I catch him there. Yesterday I missed him so much I even thought about going there during the day, make up any excuse. And if I had gone could I have prevented him from fainting? Could I at least have been there to help him? To make him feel better? I keep telling myself going to him will make it worse, that I should stay away."

"You can still change your mind about leaving."

"No," he shook his head, tightening the hold on his emotions, "the more I prolong this, the worse it will become. This is my weakness speaking. It will be better to leave now."

"He wants to be near you too," Jimin revealed melancholic, "Tae, he has been going to sleep in your chambers."

"What?"

"I caught him. He said he can't get used to his own bed anymore. He misses you. I told him to stop being a proud dimwit and just talk to you before you go, but he keeps on saying you made your decision, that he does not want to be in the way of your true happiness anymore or be a fool."

"Does he truly believe I don't love him?"

"No, of course not," Jimin waved his hand dismissive, "it is his immature way of dealing with it. He is blaming himself a lot, hating himself. The things he said after you left... He is being hard on himself. Acting as if you never loved him is his way of reliefing it, because then at least he doesn't have to think he ruined everything. I told him it is childish, but he won't listen when he doesn't want to, that stubborn brat."

"I want to see him at least once more before I go."

"He wants this too. If he lets you go like this he will never forgive himself."

"I truly want him to be happy," Tae said, making a plea to the gods in that sentence, "even if it is not with me."

"I know," Jimin tapped his thigh,

"You think she can make him happy?" He watched Jimin shrug with the corner of his eyes.

"Who knows? She seems like a good person," he conceded, "but she cannot be you to him. And... And what about Bogum? Can he make you happy?"

Taehyung sighed, opening his hands, before letting them fall in between his open legs.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jimin's knee pushed his.

"He has been a reliable friend."

"I don't think being your friend is what he wants."

"I know. He made it clear, but I was honest with him. He understands the situation, my feelings for Jeongguk." Tae drummed his stomach. "I like Bogum, he has been very caring and kind to me, but-"

"But?"

"But he is not Jeongguk." And he would never be. No one would. The world would be lacking from there on. "There is a myth about our souls... We are made of clay, shaped by the gods into these weak, flawed creatures, like toys for children, lifeless. It isn't until Hoyen, god of fire, torches us in a flame that we are brought to life, crying. It is said some souls can be created from the same clay, forged in the same fire. It was always a strange thought to me, even scary to have other part of you wandering around. But now I understand it. And I know I was right to fear it."

"The two of you," Jimin sighed exhausted, head shaking in frustration, "how can two people who love each other so much not be together?"

"You know love is not enough by itself. There are other stones blocking our path. We cannot go on together anymore. I just wish we could part by looking each other in the eye, walking backwards, still facing each other, not turn away and shun the other. It's not how something as beautiful should end."

Jimin's arms went around him, pulling Taehyung into a hug. Tae leaned on the smaller boy, head resting on his chest. His friend undid the knots of his hair.

"Then it is not the end yet," he determined, hopeful, "Guk will come around. Nothing van erase your feelings and what you lived together. He will see reason and talk to you again for a proper farewell."

Tae didn't want to argue with that. Hope was all he had left, he should use it. After a while he told Jimin it was alright to go. It downed on him he would lose him too. As much as he had reservations towards him, about the fact that Jimin was Jeongguk's friend not his, the boy had become a source of comfort. He always knew what to say, and when to be silent. He did not hesitate to support his weight, help him walk again. Jimin was a gift he would forever be appreciative of.

Taehyung had gathered himself enough by dinner to make company for Bogum. The food had no flavor, but he still found a way to eat. He let Bogum speak, not having energy to make conversation. Listening to him was not a burden anyways. He had a calm voice. Bogum was older, he always sounded as if he knew what he was talking about. Certainty, clarity, objectiveness, all things Taehyung needed in his life. He wished Bogum would not get sick of his apathy, Tae was not the best at hiding his emotions. Namjoon always said his eyes revealed it all. But the other man didn't seem to mind his gloom or the efforts required to make even the corner of his lip curve up, dedicated to entertaining him. For that, he was grateful. Bogum was good for him. That should count to something.

The following day he decided to go to the palace to retrieve his sketchbook and few jewelry. Since Jimin said Jeongguk had been spending nearly every waking hour fighting it seemed safe enough to go. He didn't want to bother others by asking for someone else to get it and Tae wanted to bid goodbye to his former house. Luckily the guards hadn't been told to forbid his entrance. At least not yet. He sneaked around the corridors not wanting to meet anyone along the way. His discretion was pointless. Contrary to what he thought his old bedroom wasn't empty at that time. Tae gasped involuntarily when he opened the door. Jeongguk's head snapped up, sketchbook falling from his hands. Taehyung's sketchbook. There was an uncomfortable silence when both man who had seen every secret of one another could not even meet eyes. Words warred against the lock Taehyung had set on himself, wanting to break free, to plunge outside his mouth towards Jeongguk and close the distance. His feet joined the rebellion, threatened to walk on their own. He went rigid, struggling to get hold of himself.

"What are you doing here?" Jeongguk inquired. His voice came within his chest, deep, contained, barely reaching his lips after going through the knots of his throat,

"I came to get some things I left behind," Tae replied, hugging himself. He noticed the unmade bed. Right. The bedroom was his. "Are you sleeping here?"

He wanted to see what Jeongguk's answer would be even though he already knew. He wanted Guk to say he missed him, to open himself for a proper conversation.

"No," he denied quickly, "I hm... I was...," but he couldn't come up with any excuses.

He huffed, turning around so Taehyung could not see his quivering lips. Taehyung chewed his own, muscles spasming before he could not help himself anymore. He cautiously approached Jeongguk, losing restraint.

"You don't need to lie to me. I know how you feel."

"You don't," he choked out, "stop it."

"I am struggling too, Gukie," he confessed, close enough to touch him, fingers hesitating in the air, too afraid to upset him if they made that decision.

"Stop doing this."

He could only glimpse part of his profile, the side of his clenched jaw.

"What?"

"Calling me like that," he spat the words, "trying to get me to talk to you."

"We were both very emotional that day," Tae tried to get through to him, "but we have been able to breathe and reflect on it. On what we said. The distance between us is hurting me. This is not us, Jeongguk."

"There is no us anymore," he declared final, fisting the hem of his shirt, "it was what you wanted."

"You know it was not. And neither do I want that to be our last conversation. I don't want to go away with you thinking what we had was a lie, that I don't love you."

"Then don't go."

He faced Taehyung again, blood appearing in his lip where his teeth had punctured it. Tae was taken aback by his intense stare. Even if his voice was fading, his eyes screamed that plea.

"We are both adults," Tae mumbled, striving to connect coherent thoughts, "We can try to understand and support each other at least. You know why I need to go."

"I understand your decision, Tae. It doesn't change the fact that it is hurting."

"Gukie..." his hand had a will of its own, cupping his cheek. Jeongguk shut his eyes, pooled tears falling. He struggled to inhale, leaning into the contact. "I know, love. It hurts me too. I miss you. I don't know how to ease it for any of us. I don't know how to comfort you without making it worse."

Jeongguk's lashes fluttered open.

"You cannot."

"I'm sorry."

"It is my fault. I don't want to live a fantasy anymore." He stepped back. Tae lost touch with him again, the void inside him growing.

"I never lied about my love."

"I cannot do this. Stop playing with me. You have already decided you don't want me, Tae."

"I am not playing. You know very well why I am leaving, and that it is not because I don't want you, Gukie. I love you, but I also don't want to hurt you more-"

"Then leave me alone, " he asked, palms covering his eyeballs.

"Can we at least have a proper goodbye?" Tae requested desperate. "One akin to what we shared, how we feel?"

"I don't want a goodbye," he yelped, "don't you get it?"

"And I don't want to leave fighting, but I will," Taehyung warned, getting the attention of his wide eyes, "we can make this ending go different ways, Guk. I don't want to go with us mad at each other."

"Only for your conscience to be clean."

"No, Jeongguk, because I love you, and it makes me sick to fight someone I love. I have lost so many people already, so have you. Even if we are apart can't we part amicably? Do we need to burn this bridge? Cut all the ropes?" He questioned anguished, but Jeongguk remained silent. Tae had more than enough to say, spilling thoughts as fast as he processed them. "I am open to talking to you, to have one last moment like we deserve, a conversation based on respect and friendship and love. I know you don't want to have our last memory together be us both crying shattered. We are separating for our sakes, because we have to, not because we lost what kept us close. Let us not lose it. At least we should get to keep our love preserved."

Jeongguk's mouth was compressed, fingers twisting. He couldn't say anything. Instead he rushed toward the door that he struggled to open, nearly kicking it. Tae resignedly watched him run away. His knees dropped him on the bed, energy drained. He clutched the pillow, pressing it to his nose. A salty scent mixed with herbs. His Jeongguk. He nuzzled it as if it was his neck, hiding. It could never come close to the real thing, but it soothed him a little. When he felt strong enough to move again Tae picked the sketchbook up from the ground. He dusted it off and went through the pages. "What do you draw so much?" had asked Yoongi. Jeongguk's details, the flowers of the garden, memories of his city, memories he made in Jinse, the market and the city's people. His scenery, moments he had gathered in his heart. Among the pages of his own drawings he kept safe the portrait Guk had made of him. The portraits he had started and not finished of the emperor kept it company. Tae searched his brush and ink, determined to finish at least one. There was not much work left to do and painting helped him calm down. Before the sun went down he had finished it, soul a little more at ease. He admired his work, an almost perfect copy of that imperfect man. But it lacked the sparkle of his eyes, his scent, his voice, his laughter. The real Jeongguk was much more special than that lifeless blob of ink. Taehyung's memories paled in the paper. He didn't need it to remember anyways. Despite going there to retrieve them, he decided to leave his works behind. He used the rest of his ink to write him a message. If Jeongguk refused to listen, he would at least read it. He would trace the characters, he would remember the lessons Taehyung gave him and relive it, reunite with him. Maybe he would trip on a word or another, but he would finish it and he would know.

"To my beloved Gukie,

I want you to keep these drawings as my gift, my token of gratitude and affection to you. I will never forget the moments, faces and places in these pages. I will never stop painting the scar on your cheek, or the mole under your lip, our the way your eyes shine. I hope you will look at this sketchbook fondly and remember me, remember the times we spent together with only good feelings. I know I will. Please be happy, Gukie.

I love you more than yesterday, and less than tomorrow.

Taehyung."

He closed it, leaving the sketchbook over the bed for him to see it.

Taehyung walked back to Bogum's house calmly, one step at a time. He had done what he could do. Jeongguk needed to take steps too if he wanted to be close to Taehyung. He decided to look for Bogum. For once Tae would be the one to make that approach. A nice walk around with Bogum would do him good. And Bogum would be happy. If he himself was miserable Taehyung could at least bring joy to someone else. Hopefully his own would follow.

Bogum was not at the house when he got back. Tae used the spare time to bathe, changing clothes. He needed new pieces. Maybe that could be something for them to do in the market. But how would he pay for it? He needed a trade, something that he could make his living off. He couldn't depend on others for the rest of his life. Maybe Bogum could help him think of something too. Tae went to his bedroom knocking swiftly. The door was not properly closed. It opened with the pressure revealing a white room, much like Taehyung's own, only with more decoration.

"Bogum?" He called, sticking his head inside.

There was no response. Tae knew it wasn't right, but the couldn't resist the curiosity of entering. Tae walked around the shelves, taking a look at a few books and souvenirs he had spread. The volume beside his pillow was a philosophy one. Tae picked it up curious. He had not stopped to think about Bogum's tastes, but it made sense, he seemed like the type to appreciate reading something like that. Taehyung flicked through the pages, a piece of paper slipping off it. He cursed at himself for disrupting his bookmarking, holding the book open with one hand as he crouched to catch the scrunched paper with the other. He didn't mean to be nosy but his eyes ever so addicted caught the name of Jeongguk and it was too late. He couldn't look away, blinking at it confused. Tae was reading before he noticed.

"Your last letter has pleased me greatly. Thank you for easing my worries, my friend. I should have known there no reason for any. Jieun is a quick learner, she adapts well and I believe she will find Jeon to her liking. I understand you don't think the Shan boy is a threat to our plans, I reckon he must be a simpleton if he agreed to be left on the side so easily. Nevertheless, I cannot help worrying he might become a problem. What you told me of his influence over Jeongguk bothers me. Jeon is not supid so this Taehyung must be quite appealing to provoke him to make these idiotic decisions. You do well by thinking of ways to swiftly remove him from the scene. Then we can hope for Jieun to acquire this sort of influence. Fear will make Jeongguk compliant, growing under the shade of his father made him weak. It is essential for the wedding to happen for both our sakes so do whatever you need. I will wait for news of you."

Taehyung teetered as he walked back on the quaking ground, dropping the letter as if it contained poison. In a way it did. He wasn't sure what he had just read. He knew, but it made no sense. He didn't have time to think on it. Steps called his attention, approaching quickly. He focused on putting the book back where he found it, untiuched. The letter though was hidden beneath his belt. He needed to run to the palace and show it to Jeongguk. But he wasn't fast enough.

"What are you doing here?"

He turned around, spotting Bogum by the door. His sight darted from the book at Taehyung's reach to the boy's pale face, hands still fixing his belt. His sword dangled dangerously on his hand. There was only one way out of that bedroom and he was blocking it.

Notes:

A,/N: I was having awful writer's block so I pulled an all nighter to finish these. I hops it turned out good. Please leave a comment for me to read in four hours when I jave to get up.

Chapter 39

"What are you doing here, Taehyung?" Bogum repeated, approaching with narrowed eyes, "It is rude to invade other people's chambers."

Tae tried to smile, wheels spinning to weave an excuse. He hid his shaking hands. Bogum slithered closer, calm but determined, sword glimmering under the beams of sunlight that entered through the window. The letter was scrunched on Taehyung's belt, almost at the reach of its receiver's hands. The image of the sweet man who had been his source of security was undoing, the ink peeling off to reveal someone unknown. He wasn't exactly aggressive, nothing menacing about his posture. But his eyes, how could Taehyung not have noticed the shadow in them before? Was he seeing things because of what he had just read?

"I wanted to speak to you," the steadiness of his voice surprised himself, "more like I needed to speak to you actually, Bogum. I came to see if you were here and then when you weren't I thought about leaving you a note."

"A note?" Bogum raised a brow.

"To meet me in the garden."

"Well, I am here, what is it that you felt so eager to tell me?"

Would he hurt him? Did the confessions he made mean anything? Tae could not know who the person in front of him really was. He had been able to betray the trust of someone who had been fighting along him for years. He could not be naive to think Bogum would not turn against him if he decided he was a threat. It was time to put his acting skills to use, but instead of avoid doing chores it was his safety at stake.

"I... I have been thinking a lot about what you said, your feelings and how you want to help me heal," he didn't know for sure whether Bogum actually felt something for him, but at the moment it was his best bet, "and I know that it is true. I always knew, but I didn't want to admit it because of my feelings for Jeongguk, but he can never give me what you can. He has done me so wrong while you, Bogum, has brought me comfort and joy. I don't know what I would do without you. I am truly grateful." Bogum smiled, the furrow of his brows smoothing. It encouraged Tae tokeep going, voice dripping more honey. "You are the only one I can trust, the only one that hasn't left my side. I know that to be happy, I need to give this new start a real chance. I need to forget Jeongguk and leave him behind. I don't want to let him hurt me anymore, so I have decided to open my heart for you."

"Tae..." a new glow appeared on his face, the smile spreading ear to ear already completely involved by that delusion, "It brings me more joy than I can put on words to hear this. I have been waiting for you to realize you deserve better. Do you really want to give me a chance?"

Taehyung nodded, smiling as well despite the turning of his stomach. He took a step forward cupping Bogum's cheeks for the final act.

"I know you can make me happy and I want to be happy. If you will still accept my scarred heart I would like to offer it to you."

"Of course I will accept you, in any shape or form."

Taehyung had to do it, Bogum was in his hands, the sword was just a grasp away. He plunged forward, uniting their lips. Bogum's fingers immediately dug his hair, mouth opening in an attempt to deepen the kiss. Taehyung's open eyes saw his close. He only had a second to process the strange feeling of new lips on his, a new touch and counter to fit. His hands slipped down to Bogum's waist, where his sword was. He dug his teeth onto the foreign tongue, pulling the sword out. Taehyung kicked his stomach, pointing the blade at his chest before the soldier had time to react. Bogum cursed, staggering back. Tae held the weapon with both hands, a coldness he was unfamiliar with taking over him to not give way to the growing fear. He spat out Bogum's saliva and blood.

"What do you think you are doing, you bastard?!" Bogum yelled, wiping his mouth.

"I saw it. I read the letter, Bogum."

"What letter?" He played dumb, face contorted in pain as he touched the wound on his tongue.

"You know damn well what letter. Were you the traitor all this time? Selling information about Jeongguk to Tanrong and the gods know who else?"

Bogum raised his hands.

"It is not what you think."

"How could you betray him like this?" He questioned, mind already made up. "You have known each other for so long, you built a legacy with him, a home, how could you threaten it?"

"It is exactly the contrary, Taehyung," he retorted, unaffected by Tae's disappointment, "if you were not blinded by your dumb affection you would see it. All I have ever done is to protect Jinse and this empire."

"By going against Jeongguk?"

"Because Jeongguk is not a good leader," he snapped, "you know he is not. This is my home, I told you, I was doing the best I could to protect it. Jeongguk was destroying it, threatening to ruin everything and someone had to intervene."

Taehyung scoffed at his self righteous discourse.

"You are so disingenuous. The problems Jeongguk faced were you, Bogum. You were threatening the throne, to bring everything down."

"No, Taehyung, I was making sure he would stop acting like a bratty child and do what is right for his people instead of what he wants. I was certifying the empire would be safe and stable."

"The first inside attack, was it you?" He pressed the tip of sword on his chest. Bogum didn't flinch.

"I only helped with the weaponry. The dissatisfaction was there already, sparks Jeongguk should have contained when he was more worried about wooing you."

"People died because of you," he reminded, but if Bogum felt guilty he didn't let it show.

"They died because of Jeongguk's incompetence and irresponsibility. His actions have consequences I only showed him that. If it wasn't me helping they would found another way. As long as he leaves breaches they will find a way. Being too merciful, weakening his army after that slavery law change, going among his peasants opens such breaches. He is a conquerer, he is forcing a rule a upon other people and some will not be happy about it. This type of sentiment lead to revolts if he doesn't have a strong hold on his subjects. Revolts just like the one that put his father on power."

"The context has changed," Taehyung argued, "Jeongguk is doing something good, he is making this land better, he is well liked."

"He usurped land from others, you know it better than anyone."

Taehyung gulped, the intensity of Bogum's judgemental eyes driving his away.

"He is not a bad ruler."

"He is a weak ruler, we all know it. Love is fickle, easily changed and limited. Fear is much more effective. I simply reminded him of it."

"You forced his hand, created problems where there were none."

"I shone light on the problems," he insisted.

"And Li Yei? What is your defense?"

"He knew what a joke Jeongguk was becoming, that the situation with the council was fragile and it was a good moment to attack. He contacted king Sungmin from Tanrong for an alliance. Sungmin in respect to the alliance Jeongguk's father had established between our kingdoms years ago sent me a letter to averiguate the state of the empire and I told him it was indeed not good. I talked him out of turning against us, but he had his reservations towards Jeongguk, you surely know them, and he was right to feel this way. He abstained from helping either party at my promise that I would put one of his heirs inside this palace. I avoided a much bigger war, Taehyung."

His pride baffled Taehyung. Shoulders high, inflated posture. He was delusional.

"You should have told all this to Jeongguk. You should have defended him instead of spreading sensitive inside information. Can you not see your wrongdoings?"

"I made Jeongguk see what his stubborness and incompetence could cause us and he grew from it. This war helped him mature. I told Li Yei when to attack, I knew how unprepared he was, what was his strategy, pretended to be by his side. I had the whole situation under control."

"The invasion to our camp, you planned that?"

"Of course," he said shameless, "I knew Li Yei could not win, he was only tiring himself and Jeongguk. But to accept the wedding Jeongguk would need to be desperate, at breaking point, so I helped some of his men infiltrate the camp."

Tae shook his head, recalling the anguishing memories of the panic that installed at the arrival of the enemies, memories of almost losing Jeongguk and himself, of losing the lives of soldiers who would have still ben alive had Bogum not intervened. His blood boiled, anger making him quiver.

"How could you?! All those lives-"

"It was not hard to control it all. Only thing that did not go according to my plan was you showing up out of nowhere. I was not expecting you to be a factor then, you had been away after all. But suddenly you were there. And I could not let them hurt you, Tae. Part of the agreement was that they would not kill you. I protected you."

"I nearly died!"

"But you didn't," he argued.

"By a fine line. I lost count if how many days I spent stuck on my bed, when even breathing hurt. You caused the death of other soldiers, your brothers of arms."

Bogum shrugged, the dismissive attitude intensifying Taehyung's growing desire to bury that blade into his heart.

"These were needed sacrifices for the greater good. Later on, I realized I was actually lucky you happened to be there, seeing you broken drove Jeongguk over the edge. After that it was easy to get him to agree to anything."

"You will pay for this, scum, I promise you I won't let you go unpunished."

"There is nothing you can do now, Tae. I am under the protection of the king of Tanrong. Jeongguk will not punish me, he will not cancel the wedding. No one will even believe you against me."

"He will," Tae said, his faith in Jeongguk unshakable.

"And? He can't do anything," Bogum mocked, "his power is an illusion, he sold himself already. The best you can do is be with me."

Bogum came forward, head reaching out. Taehyung pierced the tip of the sword into his flash, tempted to push it forward.

"I swear I will run you through if you come any closer," it would be stronger than him, "you have ruined my life, Jeongguk's life and many more."

"I only gave it a push, he did most of it himself."

"You are sick."

"I am devoted. You should know, as a man of religion. But now your only faith is Jeon Jeongguk isn't it? He will only ever let you down, Tae. I am offering you a better chance," a stream of blood stained Bogum's garment, but he did not mind, "I can be your partner, I will be devoted to you, look after you, love you. There is nothing you can do for Jeongguk or him for you. Leave him behind."

"No."

Bogum thinned his lips, nodding.

"Alright," he stepped back, fists clutched tight. Tae prepared himself for a fight. What Bogum did next, shocked him a lot more. He punched himself, dropping to the ground.

"What the-?"

"Help!" He screamed, blood on the side of his mouth, "Help please!"

Tae did not have time to understand that turn of events before servants had come running into the bedroom.

"What is happening?!"

"Him," Bogum pointed at Tae, shameless, "Taehyung attacked me. He is a traitor to the emperor!"

"This is a lie!" Taehyung protested, realizing he was still holding a blood stained sword. The confused eyes stared at it.

"Call soldiers now!"

One of the younger boys dashed off the room. Taehyung's legs faltered.

"It's him!" He argued desperate as the maid kneeled next to Bogum to look at his wounds. "Bogum is the traitor!"

"Stop lying, Taehyung." The servants looked from one to the other and between themselves. "All these years I have been loyal to the throne."

"How can you be so fake?!"

"I should be asking you this. Simply turn yourself in, it is over."

By the expressions of the spectators Tae knew whose side they were on. His throat narrowed, air struggling to get through. He was horrified by how easily Bogum lied and threw him to the wolves. He could not fathom that was the kind, caring Bogum, that he had considered ever giving him a chance one day. Soldiers were coming and Bogum would play the same act. Tae was aware a lot of Jeongguk's army was not fond of him in the first place, why would they believe him over one of their own? He could show him the letter, yes, but it was his only proof. What if some of the soldiers were in on it with Bogum? What if he gave it to him and he destroyed it? Taehyung was at disadvantage. He needed to get to Jeongguk.

In a breath he decided his next course of action. He couldn't fight an army. There was a window at his side, the house was ground floor. He made a run for it. There was a rumble of yelling behind him when Taehyung jumped out of the window. He knew Bogum and the others would come after him, but he didn't stop to look back, disparaging to the fastest his feet could take him, determination and survival instincts propelling him forward.

People cursed at him in the main street when Tae pushed them out of the way, not sparing a glance or apology. He hid between the crowd, heart pumping blood like a wild river. The letter was still safe under his belt, sword sharp in his hesitant hands. He slowed his pace, attempting to blend in, eyes scanning the surroundings for any enemy. He spotted Bogum a few bodies away, fuming as he searched. Tae stepped away, taking the furthest path towards the training centre. He had imagined going there for days, but as his feet completed the steps he didn't feel as he had in his head. Those were not the circumstances in which he wanted to be there, the circumstances were never right for them. But as long as he had Jeongguk on his side it would be alright.

Going out of the main street, Taehyung picked up his pace again. He could not slack, concentrating his energy into every step. But he wasn't fast enough. Horses blocked his path when he was meters away from the large doors. He was surrounded.

"Got you," one of the warriors smirked, jumping down.

Taehyung attacked, sword clashing against for a fight, but he was outnumbered. Bogum had already spread his word and Tae had walked right into the arms of the soldiers by going there. He was quickly disarmed, receiving physical blows that brought him to the ground, a commotion of bodies over him. He cursed and struggled as they held him down, cuffs being closed around his feet and wrists again.

"Bogum is lying," he screamed, fighting against the hands that gripped him. It only made them hold tighter. "You have to listen! Jeongguk needs to know of this, if you are loyal to him you have to tell him."

"Bogum is already doing so," one of them replied, "he is telling him everything."

"It's over for you. Jeongguk will have your head."

"Jeongguk will not believe him," Tae warned, "he will make you regret doing this to me."

Someone pulled the chain of his hands harshly, making Tae tumble down, face into the dirt.

"We will see about that, insolent brat. You can wait in the dungeons until then."

A piece of cloth was tied tightly over his mouth. One of the captors attached his cuffs to the saddle of his horse. Tae was forced to walk along them or else be dragged through the streets. He tried to come up with a solution, a plan, a way to escape that position, but his mind was blank. He would not dare give his evidence to anyone he was not sure he could trust, yet without it his voce was worth nothing. He needed to tell Jeongguk. But he couldn't speak at the moment. Guk was nowhere near and Bogum would never talk to him. He was doomed.

They took side roads, few people in the streets to throw dirty looks at the supposed criminal. Taehyung's wide eyes met the ones of the guardians at one of the palace's gate that recognized him instantly.

"Wipe that look off your face," the soldier that pulled his chains said, "he is a traitor to your emperor, nothing more than a prisoner now."

Taehyung stared pleadingly at them, head shaking along with a denial that was more grunt than words. He felt a boot on his back.

"Keep moving."

No one intervened. Not among them or any other of the few people they found along the way. A hand pressed his head down as they sneaked inside the palace avoiding the crowds. Taehyung recognized the suffocating hot air of the dungeons, stench came up its tight stairs, irritating his nose. At a point he had thought that could be his fate, but he never truly imagined how it would feel when it became real, when he would be shut down there to rot.

"Taehyung-ssi?" One of the guards asked puzzled, mouth agape, looking from Taehyung to the soldier, "Do you know what Jeongguk will do to you, Chan?"

"Thank me. This man is a traitor, Jisung. Bogum has learned that Taehyung has been conspiring against our emperor."

"What?!"

"He is not to be trusted," the soldier named Chan warned, "he even attacked Bogum. "

Jisung gulped, looking from Taehyung's shaking head to Bogum.

"D-does the emperor know?"

"Of course Jeongguk knows, Bogum went to tell him. Taehyung needs to be kept down here to not meddle with the wedding."

"But... Are you sure Jeongguk wants us to dungeon him?"

Chan huffed annoyed, eyes rolling.

"It was what Bogum ordered and I trust he knows best. If Jeongguk wants him free he will come and release him. Or do you want to go bother the emperor asking?"

"No!"

"Yeah, me neither, so we should let Bogum deal with it. Just take Taehyung to his cell."

The guard sighed, taking control of Taehyung's chains. Tae stepped back, but his discomfort was ignored as he was dragged towards a cell. He was shoved in the same hole Dawon had been kept in. It still reeked. His head hit the wall when they shoved him inside. He jumped up dizzy, running to the closing cell doors to punch the rusty grates. He pulled down the gag that had silenced his screams. None of the soldiers showed any compassion. They had probably heard their fair share of pleas.

Taehyung was not screaming at them anyway. He yelled until his throat was in shreds, but he was too far down for Jeongguk to hear. The calls died within those walls, all they did was tire him out. Tae crumbled down, recoiling himself against the wall, knees glued to his chest. His only visitor was unwanted.

"You can stay at your post. I will just talk to Taehyung for a bit." Taehyung recongized the voice, anger exploding in his guts. Bogum stopped in front of his cell, nose scrunching. "This place really does not suit you."

Tae looked away, not standing up for him.

"I will be out of here soon."

"Do you remember when I first brought you down here?" Bogum murmured, leaning closer. "I knew what you were going to do, and worse, I knew Jeongguk would fall for it and save that girl. Maybe that's why you got along, you are both so predictable."

"Go away. You got what you wanted already."

"No, Tae. I am going to give you another chance, because my feelings for you are genuine."

Taehyung shook his lowered head.

"You don't know what that means."

"I will help you, if you let me. You can leave this all behind and be with me."

"No," he refused again, "I would rather die."

"And you will. No one will believe you, Taehyung, you will rot in here, but I can easily get you free and to a safe place. I am your only chance."

"Jeongguk will get me out of here and you will take my place."

"You cannot beat me, Tae. I know you think you have evidence, but an unsigned letter will not weigh more than my word. You have angered enough important people. And I have the future queen on my side. I am on the high ranks, no soldier will dare question me. Jeongguk will not ever know you are here. He will marry Jieun. You are alone. Take the opportunity I am offering you."

"I already said no," Tae determined, voice thundering.

"Very well. I will think on what I shall do to you then." He looked in the direction where the guards were. "Our prisoner doesn't need to eat while he is not ready to collaborate."

"B-but it is Taehyung," someone stuttered.

"Forget whatever respect or fear this name evoked, he is nothing more than a prisoner now. Leave him to starve for all I care, he needs to think on his actions. And do not go around commenting this, nothing can ruin this wedding you understand? There is a reason why Jeongguk chose to deal with him with discretion."

"Alright, sir."

"Don't do anything concerning him, unless I say so. And don't believe a word he says. He is a compulsive liar."

Bogum left, not a trace of regret in his peaceful face. Tae knew he was right. No one would believe him against the soldier. Bogum had known them longer, he was respected, trusted, he passed security, as Tae himself had felt. He, on the other end, was just the intruder, the prisoner, the pathetic Shan boy whose city was taken.

The tiny space was maddening. He roamed his cage, every dark corner. The guards ignored his requests. There was nothing to do other than go insane. He tried to meditate, but somehow ended up repeatedly hitting his throbbing head against the wall. He tried to pray, but it felt hopeless. How long had it been? The first guard changed into another. Then into another and another until he stopped paying atention. He didn't know if the sun had gone down already. If it had they were a day closer to the farse wedding. He felt as if a long time had passed, but maybe it was just how much time weighed on that place. Tae couldn't rest in the hard ground, sleeping due to exhaustion and then waking up again uncomfortable. His stomach shrunk, ached, asked for food, but there was none. Tae had gron accostumed to the darkness of the dungeon. Bogum echoed in it. Jeongguk would never know. He would never know about the lies, about the betrayal. He would never see Taehyung again.

"Kim Taehyung-ssi?"

The different voice picked Taehyung's interest. He squinted his eyes to see the man that stood at the grates of his cell. He seemed slightly familiar. Tae got up, walking closer to take a better look.

"Yes?"

"You probably do not remember me, but my name is Sunho, I was with you and Jeongguk at-"

"The camp!" Tae nodded, fingers snapping as he recalled it.

"Yes. I guess you remember."

"Of course. Could not forget it even if I tried. It is good to see you alive."

"You as well."

He had a small, polite smile, but his eyes were urgent.

"This is long overdue, but thank you for taking Jeongguk out of there to safety. You are a reason he is alive."

"So are you. Which is why it is boggling me that you are confined in this prison accused of being a traitor."

Tae sighed, holding the metal bars.

"Would you believe me if I told you this is all a lie? That I am being set up?"

"I do."

"You do?" Tae's head moved up, he gained energy with those two words. "Really?"

"I know you are probably struggling to be taken seriously, but I do believe you. It is being kept under wraps supposedly to not disturb the wedding, but gossip travels fast specially among lower class soldiers like me, like the ones that act as guards. When I heard you had been impriosened for being a traitor I could not believe it."

"I am not a traitor, I promise you!"

"I know. I saw you willing to sacrifice yourself for Jeongguk, saw the way you arrived in Shinzo, almost dead. I saw the way Jeongguk worried about you. Him simply throwing you into the dungeons and you betraying him... Nothing made sense, I needed to see it for myself."

"Jeongguk doesn't know I am here." Tae explained excited that someone was willing to listen to him, "It was all a lie Bogum came up with. He is the traitor, Sunho-ssi." He gulped, seeing Sunho become uneasy with those words a frown appearing. "I understand it is hard to believe, but he has been plotting with the king of Tanrong to have princess Jieun become the queen, he has aided the first inside attack, and also Li Yei's. He has been spreading information to enemies. It is all him."

There was a moment of silence, as the other thought on what had been said, making up his mind.

"Taehyung, this is a grave accusation. He is one of the highest ranked soldiers in the court."

"I know, and I thought he was a good man, but he has been undermining Jeongguk. When I confronted him he turned it against me and began to accuse me of his crimes. Other soldiers obviously believed him and I was brought here."

"Jeongguk will believe you."

"And that is why Bogum is trying to keep it behind his back. He is using his rank and his influence to keep me here until the wedding, I think he believes Jieun will protect him when she is queen. You need to tell Jeongguk what happened, please."

"I will," he assured, making Taehyung smile genuinely once again, "I am sorry for what you have been facing, Taehyung-ssi."

"Please just bring Jeongguk here."

"I will go searching for him, though I saw him leave with princess Jieun this morning and still not sure if he is back or not." The informaion had Tae's smile gone. He sat down again. "I will get you out of here, just wait a little longer."

"Thank you."

And Tae waited withering,e every heartbeat and breath stretched, time was morose, not passing. But he waited nonetheless, clinging to the hope that Jeongguk would come. His eyes were closing when he was woken up by a scream.

"Where is he?!"

Tae jolted up, scared he might be dreaming. He ran to the grates.

"Sir, please-"

"What did you do to Taehyung?!"

"I'm here!" He yelled hoarse. "Gukie, I'm here!"

Jeongguk came into his sight, flaring nose and flaming eyes that turned brighter seeing him.

"Tae," he gasped, holding his hands over the hollow spaces between the bars, "h-how? What did they do to you? Did anyone hurt you? Open this cell now you idiots!"

A man fumbled with the keys. Jeongguk pushed him aside, opening it himself. He walked into the cell, hands cupping Taehyung's cheeks to make his usual check up.

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm alright," Tae said, covering his hands, "I just want to get out of here."

"Park Bogum said you knew about it, sir," the man at the door mumbled, "that those were your orders. If we had known-"

"Shut up!"

"They didn't know better, Gukie," Tae calmed him.

"From now on you only take order from me or general Min personally," the emperor determined, still focused on Taehyung.

"Yes sir. Please forgive us."

Jeongguk ignored that apology, placing a hand on Taehyung's back.

"Come on, Tae, you don't need to be here anymore."

Taehyung sighed relieved, enjoying his freedom. The cuffs were taken off. His chest was lighter. He nearly ran up the stairs, inhaling fresh air like he had desperately craved to do. It wasn't until they were in the middle of their path that he realized Jeongguk still had his hands on his waist. It made him stop breathing again, realizing the delicate harmony they found themselves in. The new happenings had shadowed their recent fights. Tae didn't want to disturb it. Maybe that would be the last time Jeongguk touched him. It was a sad thought and he knew the reason for that touch, a rather simple, even pragmatic one, just leading him to safety. But he enjoyed it to the fullest, slowing down his pace.

Jeongguk took him back to his old bedroom, closing the door. His touch was gone. Taehyung joined his palms in front of his body, observing Jeongguk's back. Had he remembered his anger?

"Gukie-"

"Now tell me what happened please." He turned around.

Straight to the point. Tae nodded, massaging his bruised wrists.

"I need to give something to you first." He took the letter from where it had been hidden safely under his belt. Guk frowned, taking it. "I found this in Bogum's chambers."

"What were you doing in his chambers?" His eyes widened, raising from the paper back to him. Tae contained a snort.

"I went to talk to him, but he wasn't there, so I was curious and decided to look around for a bit, that's all. Read it."

He observed Jeongguk's frown deepen as he uncovered the content in that piece of paper.

"He aided the rebels on the inside attack," Tae added, recalling what Bogum had confessed, "gave Li Yei information, allied with the king of Tanrong behind your back and helped enemies infiltrate our camp so you would be desperate enough to marry Jieun. They have been manipulating you, Guk."

"This- This can't be," he shook his head, "I trusted him. I have known him for years, Tae. We have our differences, but I never thought he was capable of this."

"Neither did I, but we were wrong. He is not worthy of our trust. I confronted him and he admitted it, he believes this is the right course of action, that he was pushing you to be a better ruler. He also believes Jieun will protect him. He tried to frame me, called soldiers to arrest me, said I was the traitor and attacked him. I had stolen his sword to defend myself and you know your soldiers didn't need much convincing to act against me."

"I can't believe they locked you up," Guk muttered, "they should have come to me."

"Bogum lied that you knew about it and didn't want it to ruin the wedding, he intimidated them. He is on a higher rank after all."

"How long did they keep you there?"

"Since the day we last saw each other."

"That is two and a half days," he realized, choked up, hand covering his mouth, "I'm so sorry, Tae. You must have been so afraid."

Taehyung dared to touch his shoulder.

"This is not your fault."

"You are right, it's his," Jeongguk tensed up, " and I'll make him pay."

"How? Don't be impulsive, Guk, this is a delicate matter."

"I will go show this to Yoongi first." He waved the letter, wetting his lips, as he thought. "Why don't you ask one of the servants to prepare you a bath? I will be back soon."

"Alright."

Jeongguk folded the letter, putting it on his pocket. Taehyung looked down, aware he was smelly and haggard, suddenly ashamed of Jeongguk. His heart skipped a beat when he felt a quick peck on his temple. Guk looked down too.

"I'm glad you are alright, Tae."

Tae grazed the spot his lips had touched, smiling foolishly at his back when he left. He did as Guk had suggested, cleaned up and got ready for bed. There were bruises on his body but nothing he felt he should be concerned about. Nothing he had not grown used to. He felt awkward standing next to his bed, knowing it wasn't his bed anymore. But he couldn't resist lying down. after sleeping in the dirty floor, falling among the silk sheets that had Jeongguk embeded was a hug. He waited the emperor to come back. Jeongguk appeared a while later, a tray in his arms. Tae sat up, immediately awake.

"How did it go?"

"He escaped right before we got there," he said, visibly frustrated, "a patrol was sent out to get him. And I know they will. We cannot let his crimes go unpunished."

"They won't. But there is nothing we can do now, Guk, just rest."

"I brought you food," he informed, "you should eat something and sleep."

He placed the tray over Taehyung's bed, sitting opposite to him.

"I don't want to sleep," Tae muttered, wrapping himself in the covers.

"Aren't you tired?," Guk asked, gently blowing the noodles before offering them to Taehyung, "You have been through a lot."

Tae ate gladly, the joy caused by Jeongguk's presence shading the pain of the past couple of days.

"I'm afraid of someone coming for me, Bogum or Seokjin or one of your soldiers."

"I will stay here and watch over you, Tae, you have nothing to be afraid of."

Taehyung swallowed, staring at the man in front of him.

"I'm also afraid you and I will be back to avoiding each other when I wake up,' he confessed. Guk stopped with his hand mid air, half way to Taehyung's mouth. Tae regreted instantly. He should have just taken it as it was. "I should have not said that."

"No. It is fine. I will be here tomorrow as well."

"You don't need to, Gukie. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I want to stay,' he said with a gulp, "I know I have been a little unfair to you. I know you didn't lie to me, Tae, and I know why you are leaving. But I was trying to protect myself."

"I understand. I never wanted you to be hurt, Gukie."

Jeongguk nodded, unable to sustain his gaze.

"I promise you tomorrow we can talk this through. Now rest please."

Tae nodded. He finished eating, wiping his mouth in the napkin. Guk gave him water and sat at a chair on the corner of his bedroom, too far for his taste. Taehyung pulled the covers to his chin, hugging himself to sleep.

"Good night, Gukie."

"Sleep well, love," he muttered back.

Taehyung's heart jumped. It had been a reflex. Just a reflex.

Jeongguk was next to him when he woke up, sleeping over the sheets so their bodies didn't come into contact. Nevertheless his nose was buried into Taehyung's neck. Tae's arms had ended up around him.

He brushed his hair, not daring to move even an inch away from him. Tears brimmed at the sight. All he had bottled in the past days, the frustration, the exhaustion, the yearn, scattered over his cheeks, staining his pillow. Jeongguk's pillow. It was all Jeongguk's. Taehyung had made his choice. He dried the tears, not wanting to make noises that would disturb Jeongguk's precious sleep. He craved seeing him at peace, well. Taehyung's heart ached, the armor around it cracking upon the thought that he would have to leave that bed, that he should leave it. Him and Jeongguk were not supposed to wake up in each other's arms anymore. They hadn't for a while, they could keep going without it. But Taehyung could not move. He was physically unable to turn his back on him, to take his hand away, limbs not obeying to his rational mind. The simplest movement caused too much pain. And it would hurt more later, the voice at the back of his head warned him it would make more difficult for him to go on any path Guk wasn't on, but at the moment that future did not exist. It was just the two of them, slipping outside of time. It was all contained in that touch, in the way Taehyung's heart pulsed and Jeongguk held him: his first feelings, their first kiss, their first night; their future feelings, kisses and nights. Their story was encapsulated in a promise they could not break. Everything had been written, even if he could not read. In that moment, Taehyung had complete faith in that. Leaving was out of question.

Lids opened, bright irises looking at him. Tae gulped antecipating the next moment. Jeongguk blinked repeatedly.

"Are you really here?" He whispered groggy. "Or is this another dream?"

"I'm here." His voice almost wasn't. "I miss you, Gukie."

Jeongguk stroked his face.

"I miss you too. I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Jeongguk squeezed him harder, joining their nose tips for a shared breath of life. And then he let go, turning away.

The emperor got up, bones cracking. Taehyung should not have expected that morning to go any different. He didn't dare say anything, he had said all he had to already. There was no future and the sun was up, the world outside invaded along with its rays. Jeongguk was right to want to kill a fantasy that would be nothing more than a prickle on their feet as they tried to move on. It was not the end he wanted, but it was the one they could have.

"Tae," he sighed at the door, forehead touching the wood, "We'll talk about this later, there is a big day ahead for the two of us and I need to get ready and so do you."

Taehyung didn't answer. He did as Jeongguk told him, changed, brushed his hair, became presentable. There was twinge at his ribs when he kneeled to tie his sandals. He still had some bruises he would better get checked before the trip. The trip. How would that go? Bogum was the one taking him. Who would go in his place? Would it get cancelled? They should leave in five days, just after the equinox and before the wedding. And the wedding... Would it... Could he hope that it would maybe get cancelled? Since Jieun, or her father, had been plotting behind his back, would Jeongguk get mad? But if it wasn't her it would be someone else, never Taehyung. He needed to go. It was over. It was over. He oughta conform to that impossibility.

He left the room as a soldier ran towards it, calling for him.

"What is it?" Tae asked the breathless man.

"Taehyung-ssi..." he screched, holding his sides, "Jimin-ssi asked you to come to the main hall... Apparently they found Park Bo-"

Taehyung was already running before he finished the sentence.

There was a small crow waiting outside the doors, questions flying, an air of confusion and revolt that someone like Park Bogum was being treated as a criminal. Yoongi and Jimin waited near the door togeher, sharing whispers.

"What is happening?" Taehyung approached them, the gathering of council members near them made him weary.

"Bogum was captured," Jimin informed, arms crossed over his chest, "trying to leave the city this morning. He says he is inocent of any crimes and requested a private audience with Jeongguk to defend this claim. The news went around and part of the council is interested in the matter since Bogum is a member too."

Suddenly the murmurs were interrupted by yells of "help". Yoongi opened the door to investigate the origin of it. Taehyung's mouth went agape. Jeongguk was over Bogum, fists covered in blood as he fractured his jaw with it. He ran inside to help Yoongi pull the emperor away from the screaming man.

"Let me go," Jeongguk growled, trying to free himself, "I want to kill him!"

"Can't handle the truth, can you Jeongguk? Blaming me will not erase your errors."

"It is your fault!"

"No it is on you, you cowardly, weak child."

Taehyung kicked his nose, feeling it crack under his foot.

"Do not ever dare to say anything ill about Jeongguk, scum. Come on," he yelled at the soldiers who stood outside frozen in shock, "do your jobs! Take him to the dungeons!"

A couple of them reacted and walked towards Bogum, taking him away. Yoongi's hold on Jeongguk loosed and the emperor set himself free, fixing his clothes. He walked towards the crowd, leaving.

"There will be no meeting as of now," Yoongi quickly informed as the rumble became louder in demand of explanations, "the emperor needs to recollect himself. He will meet you and give a full report at another time."

"We need answers! Why is a council meber is dungeoned?"

"Because he is a traitor," Jeongguk said final, walking through the bewildered group.

A few loyal soldiers stepped in to control the crowd. Yoongi led Jeonguk towards the royal chambers, Taehyung and Jimin trailing behind. The general's usually collected posture was ruined as he paced once they stepped inside the bedroom. Jeongguk sat on his bed, shoulders hunched.

"This is a mess," Yoongi cursed under his breath.

"Calm down," Jimin asked, one hand massaging him.

Guk remained silent, head lowered, hands joined over his lips. Tae sat next to him, placing a hand on his knee.

"Are you injured?"

He shrugged, despite the cut at his brow.

"No big deal."

"Yoongi, why don't we go find medical supplies for Jeongguk?" Jimin suggested. "You need to occupy yourself."

"Please," Tae agreed, "and I need to clean his scratches."

"But-"

"We will think about how we clean this mess later," Jimin oriented, "now we focus on the more immediate problems."

Yoongi agreed, albeit looking unsatisfied with the proposal. Tae didn't see the two of them leave, focused on Jeongguk.

"What was that? I thought you and Bogum were only talking."

"He provoked me." Joengguk complained, leg shaking up and down, "He said it was all my fault, the people dying..."

"It's not true."

"What happened to us... That I ruined it. He said you kissed him, Tae." He peered at Taehyung waiting for a reaction that did not come. "You are not denying it."

"It did happen," Tae admitted, nauseated by the thought, "but it was not like that."

"Like what?"

"Like our kisses. It was my way to distract him so I could get his sword and confront him. I never wanted Bogum, Jeongguk, you know that. He asked me for chances and I always said no because I love you." He chewed his lips, battling against the question he wanted to ask. It slipped out. "What were you doing with Jieun yesterday?"

It was Jeongguk's time to look away.

"She wanted to go horseback riding. I did not kiss her though."

"No, you only accepted to marry her." There was a moment of silence, wounds salted, still open. Taehyung didn't want to be stuck on the same cycle. No, he much more preferred to find out what would come next. "Are you? Going to marry her, I mean."

He eyed Jeongguk curious, hesitant with his hope.

"You know why I have to," he hushed, looking at the floor.

"She was manipulating you. Or at least her father was. This has all ben a ploy."

"I know."

"Will you let them win?"

And as if she had been invoked Jieun knocked on the door. Tae opened it, thinking it would be Yoongi. His brows raised seeing her there. She scrunched her nose at him not too happy with the meeting herself, then stared at Jeongguk, not wasting any time.

"We need to talk about Park Bogum."

Notes:

Thank you for waiting for so long! I know I'm like the worst when it comes to keeping a schedule but I got back to college after my last update and it got really chaotic. Now my classes are canceled though because of covid so I'll have plenty of isolation time to write. Thank you for your patience really. I always get a little paranoid that I will have lost my few dear readers by the time I update again so please go say hi in the comments if you're still here for the last 3 chapters. There was so much happening in this one, I want to know how you're feeling. Also did you hear "Sweet Night"? Taehyung's voice is so perfect, I'm in love with this song.

See you soon darlings 💜

Chapter 40

She entered the room without invite, lips pursed as both men glared at her.

"I came to speak to the emperor privately," Jieun muttered, side eyeing Taehyung.

"The nerve you have to come here and make demands," Tae chimed.

"I believe it's in our best interest to have this talk now," she spoke directly to Jeongguk, walking past the third party, "since we are going to get married."

"There is nothing you can say to me that you can't say to Taehyung," Guk determined, still sitting in the same spot. The corner of Taehyung's mouth curved slightly up. "You have invaded my room, Jieun, and last thing I want today is to be around you, so at least be quick and get this over with."

Jieun sighed, folding her arms.

"Well, I am here because my counselors told me to come. I do not fully understand why, but I have my suspicions..."

"You don't know what happened to Park Bogum?" Jeongguk inquired, a note of cynism in his voice.

"All I know is he's in the dungeons. And that my father doesn't want him there, since I am supposed to tell you to make a choice, Jeongguk: either release Bogum and send him to Tanrong's court, or punish him and lose our wedding as consequence."

Taehyung huffed at her ultimatum. He saw it coming, nevertheless it made him want to scream, holding himself back from fighting Jeongguk's battles. Guk's teeth gritted as he pondered over the situation before him.

"Do you know what Bogum did?" He asked coldly.

"No. But I can imagine. Bogum is close to my father and my counselers. I was told to trust him here and seek his help and advice if needed, that he was an ally. That was all."

"Bogum betrayed me," Jeongguk revealed somber, irises sharp on the princess, "because of him my people have died, because of him I accepted this ridiculous wedding."

Jieun stepped back, shrinking. Taehyung was reminded of her hopes to make Jeongguk fall, to make the marriage real. At least, that defeat she would have to face.

"I was thrown into this wedding without a say," she said calmly, "but I accepted my duty, I know why this bind is important and what is at stake, specially for you. I also know we can be happy together, Jeongguk, even if your heart is not with me. However, in the same manner my father told to me to get married, if he decides I should not, if his advisors say I should not, then there will be no wedding and you lose this alliance. It is upsetting to me as well to put you in this position when I feel fondness towards you, but my land and my blood come first. It is either punishing Bogum or marrying me."

The weight in the air didn't let Taehyung properly breathe. He stared at Jeongguk, whose chin quivered, containing a bustling anger inside. Silence prevailed as he got hold of his feelings. He lowered his head, pressing the spot of his skull over his ear. Taehyung observed him attentively, fiddling with his necklace. As much as he wanted to get involved it was not his battle to fight.

"This is low of you," Guk scowled, spitting the words, "going behind my back, manipulating me when I acted in good faith towards Tanrong and now trying to tell me how to rule, to not even grant me the opportunity to avenge the wrongs done against my people."

"I know. You are fair, I know you must be struggling, but I am simply a vessel for the expectations of my king. I wish I did not have to tell you this, but I have no choice. I hope you can forgive me."

"You are mad if you think I will ever be able to look at you without remembering this moment."

"Taehyung is capable of loving you," she murmured, making Tae's eyes wide at her, "so I think I can have hope."

Jeongguk peered at her, face scrunched at the obnoxious person before him.

"Taehyung is a better man than I will ever be."

She nodded.

"Still, at least you are a good king, Jeongguk. Think of your people. Think of what this alliance means to you. Tanrong doesn't need you, but you need us."

Taehyung let out a small whine when the door opened, hitting his spine. Jimin and Yoongi entered through it, all eyes set on them. Yoongi's brows were high, Jimin's were furrowed, looking from one uncomfortable face to the other.

"We brought the medical supplies," he raised the woodden box in his hands.

"We will come back later," Yoongi said, gripping his arm to pull him back, "let the princess speak to Jeongguk."

"No," she raised her hand stopping them, "I already said all I had to say. I can go now."

Jieun went around them, leaving the room impassively. Taehyung nibbled a nail. He stared at Jeongguk who had taken another beating, slouching, hands covering his sight.

"What did she have to say?" The general questioned, walking closer to him.

"She wants me to release Bogum."

"You can't!" Jimin argued instantly, dropping the box over Jeongguk's bed.

A groan came out of Yoongi, his irritation not sparing even his lover.

"Do not give opinions so loosely, Jimin. It is not so simple. What else did she say?" He questioned impatient, "Because I doubt this was a polite request."

Jeongguk's back only curved more. Taehyung approached the bed, taking the spot next to him. Even if he couldn't physically comfort him the way he wanted, he could still be by his side, hoping the quiet support would help.

"She said that it is her father who is close to Bogum, that she was kept in the dark, all she knew was that she should marry me. After today however, her counselors sent her to tell me that if-" his mouth twitched, "if I refuse to spare Bogum, they will not let the wedding go forward."

Jimin cursed, foot stomping the ground. Yoongi huffed, brushing his black hair back.

"Well, this is no surprise," the general admitted, "they are at advantage here."

Taehyung gazed at Jeongguk, noticing all the small new marks Bogum had given him. The ones that were visible to the eye. Bogum had given marks to their land that could not be treated with any medicine. How could they let him walk free? Let him win after the pain he caused?

"But it is not fair!" Jimin complained revolted by the idea. "And why are they even risking the alliance for Bogum? Is he worth all that?"

"It is strange," Tae agreed, drawing attention when he spoke at last, "in the letter the person writing tells Bogum they need to make sure the wedding happens for 'both their sakes' or something..."

"Maybe Bogum knows something about the situation that we don't," Jimin suggested, scratching his chin, "something that makes it worthy to protect him."

"Maybe. But maybe he doesn't and by not agreeing to this we would be risking losing our most important alliance and making Jeongguk a target again," Yoongi argued, not backing down from his defensive posture.

"Jeongguk has always been a target," Tae retorted, "they have been toying with him, conspiring for long now. He is inviting his enemies into his home."

"Keeping your enemies close is strategic, with a solidified alliance we would assure Tanrong's support."

"And what does this make of Jeongguk? Letting himself be used? Losing his dignity? Letting Bogum's crimes against his crown and his people be ignored?"

"I know you want to cancel the wedding, but maybe think rationally, Taehyung, and see that we cannot afford it. There are lives at stake."

His condescending tone aggravated Taehyung, whose eyes narrowed.

"Lives were lost already because of this wicked game Bogum and Tanrong have been playing," he reminded, not allowing the general to intimidate him, "and don't offend me by acting as if I am putting my personal interest over Jeongguk's well being. You are the one who tries to control him without ever listening to what he wants."

"Control him?" Yoongi raised his brows along with his voice, "I keep him and his kingdom safe, but you never tried to understand-"

"Will both of you shut it?" Jimin interrupted, "It is clearly not the time." Both stubborn boys shushed, looking at opposite directions. Tae knew he was wrong to argue with Yoongi, nevertheless getting miffed by the lecture. Yoongi didn't seem satisfied either. Jimin stepped closer to the emperor, ignoring the sullen men. "What do you want to do, Guk? It is your decision and whatever it is we will suport it."

Taehyung's focus shifted back to the boy next to him, who nervously scratched the dried blood on the back of his hand, mulling the latest events.

"I... I know Yoongi is right. I cannot afford to break the wedding off," he muttered defeated, causing Taehyung to wilt. "But Tae also has a point." He added. "I would be undeniably bowing to them and excusing Bogum's crimes. I need to think better."

"It is wise to take time to reflect," Jimin assured, gently patting his back.

Jeongguk inhaled deeply, wrinkles on his forehead.

"Can you leave please?" He requested. "I need to gather my thoughts."

"Of course, but you can call us anytime you want to talk."

He mumbled a 'thank you', fixated ahead. Yoongi turned around first, Jimin moving behind him. Tae got up to leave, but was stopped. Jeongguk clutched his hand, gloomy eyes pleading at him.

"Not you, Tae. Stay please."

Taehyung was dazed by the request. He didn't expect Jeongguk would ask for his presence, not after their separation. But things were better between them after the past night. His warm touch proved it. One look at Jeongguk, and Tae's mind was made up. He could not leave him alone in pain, no matter how complicated their situation was. Nothing had changed about that part of their relationship.

He sat with him again. Jeongguk retreated his hands, burying his face into them. His heaving was all to be heard. More than questions, opinions or advise, what Jeongguk needed was to feel secure. He needed to know there was shoulder for him to rest on.

Tae looked through the medical supplies, taking a clean cloth and remedy. He kneeled in front of him, gently bringing his hands down. The emperor stiffened when their faces became close. As delicately as he cleaned the sculptures of the gods at the temple, Taehyung cleaned his wounds, reverence and caution in his every touch. His breaths moved Jeongguk's hair strands; Jeongguk's own air tickled his pome. Guk observed him intently with his deer eyes, barely blinking. Taehyung brushed his tousled hair back, fingertips caressing him as they applied ointment to the deeper injuries.

Once he was done, he took his icy hands and cleaned the dried blood on them, grateful they seemed to be mostly Bogum's. He sensed the wild pulsing of Jeongguk's veins slow down along with his chest's pace. His jaw had relaxed when Tae touched it again, raising his chin.

"Better?" He asked, offering him a small smile.

"It hurts a little," he allowed himself to admit, "but it is better now thanks to you."

"Good." He sat on the bed again, turned towards Jeongguk. "I'm sorry I was so incisive with this discussion. I should have let you think and say something first before I started arguing with Yoongi."

"No, don't apologize. I like your opinions, even if I can't listen to them."

Taehyung's smile faltered.

"Gukie..."

"I can't lose this alliance," he justified before Taehyung could even utter the question.

Tae tried to disguise his disappointment. Jeongguk's own shame was enough, he was sure. Even after all he learned, he still chose her. His heart sank. Maybe Yoongi had a point, he was too emotionally attached to be impartial.

"Can you let Bogum go?"

"I don't want to, but he was right, my mistakes caused this situation, I cannot run from responsibility," the sternness of his words made Tae suspect he was sermoning himself, "I need to fix everything, grow and be a better king."

"Bogum is a liar. Do not listen to him."

"You only say so because you love me," he smiled sadly, "and while your love means a lot, it cannot change the truth. I made mistakes and I could risk the well being of my people if I say no to this."

"I do love you, but I would not lie to you, Jeongguk," Tae cupped his face, "you are brave and smart and you have loyal people next to you. You don't need Tanrong. You don't need to accept the part they want to put you in. Have more faith in yourself."

"I cannot risk destroying everything," he explained hoarse.

"The problems that made you doubt yourself were fabrications of Bogum, Guk."

"Not entirely."

"He is taking avantage of your self doubt. You don't need to be your father, or the man he and Yoongi want you to be. I admire you as you are, and others do too. You are good enough." Jeongguk's pupils drilled into his, full of a fear he could not vocalize. "You can forge your own path as you have so far."

"No," he shook his head, Taehyung's hands falling, "my father did it for me. He made me a murderer, he gave me this crown. And Yoongi, I would have died without him. I am nothing without my soldiers. The people in the council make my decisions for me. Whenever I tried to be free, it made things worse."

"Don't treat yourself this way."

"I don't want to feel this anguished and guilty anymore, Tae, I don't want to fail and destroy my father's legacy. I'm tired of this burden, of this fight. It's too much."

"You won't fail, Jeongguk, as long as you are true to yourself. You have ideals for your kingdom, you told me, a fair, prosperous, welcoming place. This is why you rule and it is what should guide you. You don't need these people to achieve it. You don't need to do something you believe to be wrong." But he saw his words were not enough to appease him. Taehyung sighed, bringing him to his arms. Jeongguk's forehead rested over his shoulder. "It is your decision, and I will support you no matter what, but you are strong enough to not submit to this. Your determination is something I admire about you."

Guk moved back to look at him through tears.

"How can you say these things when I failed you? I lost what mattered to me the most, Tae. It is my fault you're leaving."

Taehyung's head shook.

"No, love," he murmured, a knot forming at the sight of Jeongguk's breaking heart, "It is the way the world works for kings... It is the way I feel for you and what I crave for myself... We have our reasons, good reasons. No point blaming anyone. And you didn't lose me, Guk. You never will, even if I'm far."

"About..." he sniffed, cutting the water flow of his eyes, "About last night-"

"I know you will say, it was a mistake-" Taehyung started, but Jeongguk stopped him.

"It wasn't," he rushed to say, "I wanted to be near you. This desire was so intense it made me ignore the defensive voice in my head that said it would be bad for me to be by your side, Tae. I wanted to lie next to you again. I miss you, your touch, your scent, your words... I will never regret being with you. The problem is this is fleeting, I can't be close to you anymore."

"I know." Tae did not having any argument for that. Truth was, no matter how they felt, the time for parting was nearing.

"You are leaving and I will marry someone else and we have to learn to be far from each other. I thought blaming you would make it easier," he admitted, rubbing his neck, "whenever I think about you, about how I let you go so cowardly, I hate myself. It makes me physically sick. I tried to shift the blame, and deal with my pain by focusing on anger, and I know I was wrong to. You didn't deserve it. Once more I must apologize to you, Taehyung."

But Taehyung was tired of apologies. He just wanted them both to heal.

"It is in the past now. I understand why you acted the way you did."

"You should be mad," he insisted, flogging himself, "I was unfair to you. I wish I didn't make so many mistakes, I wish I could have been a better man, so I wouldn't be letting you down and apologizing all the time. I disappointed you, I betrayed your trust, I said yes to this wedding even when I knew it would hurt you. I was selfish and weak and childish and I know I drove you away. I deserve you to be angry at me for so many reasons."

"Will you stop saying these things about the man I love?" Taehyung implored, hiding his hurt behind a forced smile. "You are wonderful to me, Gukie. And I don't want you to apologize. I have made my share of mistakes too, I have also let you down and broken your heart. There is no use pointing fingers. I understand your actions and I don't want you to feel guilty anymore."

"But-"

"Let's stop with this feeling, alright? I want for there to just be love and trust and respect between us, not guilt. I don't blame you, I am not angry, and I forgive you. I love you, Jeon Jeongguk, for who you are." That seemed to affect him, a hint of a smile ghosting over his lips. "Stop being so hard on yourself, please. All I want is for you to be happy. I have faith in you and wherever I am, I will be rooting for you."

"What will you do now, Tae?" He questioned and Taehyung could see a spark of hope in his eyes that wasn't there before.

"I don't know," he pursed his lips, "Bogum was going to take me, but I'll have to go on my own now."

"You still want to go?" The spark was blown out.

"I need to go, you know my reasons. I wish I could be by your side through all of this, even if I don't agree, to support you, but this is more than I can take, Guk. I cannot watch you marry someone else, specially not her."

"I understand," he nodded, looking away with a deep sigh, "then let me know how I can help you in your journey, I'll do whatever you need."

His offer had Tae grin genuinely, warmed from inside. It seemed at last Jeongguk had made peace with it. Peace with him. He was willing to support his choice.

"Are you still sending representatives south?"

"I suppose so... It is something I have been meaning to do for a while now, I just rushed it to send Bogum away faster," he confessed, thinning his lips.

"You are not very subtle with your jealousy, Jeongguk," Taehyung teased.

"I suppose I'm not," he had a small smirk, that faded as soon as he continued, "but there is indeed a demand, commercial treaties to be signed, so might as well keep it as planned. I still need to think of how to fill for Bogum's ausence, but the trip will happen, Tae."

"Then I will wait and leave with your ship," Taehyung informed bleak.

"Even just hearing it..." he murmured, unable to complete his thoughts.

Taehyung nodded, sharing his sorrow at the thought of the future.

"For me too."

There was a moment of silence, antecipating the loss. One just gazed at the other, struggling to get hold of their emotions, of their words. Jeongguk stood up, hands on his waist.

"I... I think we should not be close until you go." His voice was a thread. It tied around Taehyung's throat. "I don't want to fight or avoid you, not at all, and I insist that you stay here until it comes the time for you to go, Tae, but I think it's best if we begin to get used to the distance, or else it will hurt more when we have to separate in days."

"If you think so, I will abide."

"Thank you, Tae. For everything, truly."

Taehyung stored the utensils he had used to care for the emperor, putting the chest over his cupboard.

"I will leave now then," he informed, slightly bowing his head, "if you need anything I'm here for you, Jeongguk."

Guk had a pale smile. It lacked the joy that made creases surge around his eyes, a detail Taehyung was so endeared by,

"Same goes to you, Taehyung, always."

His steps were small, crossing the room in an eternity that he hoped would allow Jeongguk to change his mind, but alas he came to the door unstopped. He forced himself to walk out.

Four more dawns till he left. Four more dawns until he would have to say goodbye to the love of his life, not knowing when they would meet again. But in the end, his rational mind told him it was for the best. He recalled the words that had erupted out of him amidst his discussion with Guk, when he explained why he had to leave. It was a raw and honest moment, the tears washing away the blindfold Taehyung liked to use. Indeed, the wedding was what pushed him to make that choice, but he was also leaving for himself. It had come time to find something for Kim Taehyung and Kim Taehyung alone. To find what else his heart beat for. And hopefully learn it could also beat on its own. Maybe a little slower, but beating.

Taehyung sat by his mirror, hands cupping his own cheeks. He examined the scars he had gained in the past seasons. Rings on a tree's trunk. They made an interesting match to his tattoos.  All his life, he had been given a line to walk on. For once he had the opportunity to make his own path. He had discovered that liberty besides Guk, yes, but it didn't need to end with him. Jeongguk was an important part of his journey, but he didn't need to be all of it. There was life in that world that Taehyung had never known. He wanted to reach beyond his grasp. He had taken the first step into a bigger world when he defied the mountains, a step towards the wonders described in his books and painted in his maps and he didn't want to stop yet. There was much more to learn, more sceneries he wanted to collect into his heart. And maybe he could hope, very faintly and secretly hope, that him and Jeongguk could find a way back to each other once they both felt stronger.

Taehyung tossed and turned that night. Thinking about Bogum, even when the other was floors afar from him made him uncomfortable. He had been so gullible, easily caught into his web of lies. The more he thought about it, the more he asked himself if he could have seen it before and prevented that chaos. If he had been quicker, if he had been more attentive, if he had been less self centered and eager for affection when Jeongguk let him down... Despite what he had told Guk a small part of himself felt guilty too for falling for his talk. And to think Jeongguk could consider freeing him after everything. At least he would go away. But on to live a comfortable life at Tanrong's court. A life he did not deserve.

What a strange turn if events that would be. The king must have been quite fond of him to be willing to throw away the wedding, an important alliance to protect his life. Tae laid on his back, tapping his mouth. It didn't fit. Either the king and Bogum were in love like him and Jeongguk, which Taehyung found hard to believe, or there was something there. As much as Jieun said they didn't need Jeongguk it had been the king's idea to propose a wedding, not otherwise. Something felt strange.

With that in mind, Taehyung went back to the dungeons the next day. As much as Bogum repulsed him, he had questions to find answers to. That might as well be his only chance to ask them.

The guards couldn't look into his eyes when he appeared downstairs. They  mumbled apologies, necks curved in a permanent bow. No one dared to get in the way of his visit.

For the first time Taehyung felt something other than disgust and despair down there. Looking at Bogum on the dirty floor of that cage, he felt victorious, shoulders high.

"Aren't you smiling too soon?"

Bogum came closer to him. Jeongguk's fists had ruined his handsome features. Coupled with the broken nose Taehyung had gifted him, he looked a mockery of his former elegant self. It didn't seem to get him off his horse though.

"Justice is always satisfying to watch."

"Then enjoy yourself while this lasts. You know Jeongguk will set me free."

Taehyung laughed humorless.

"You are being optimistic."

"I know him better than you. Like I said, you are both awfully predictable. He will never have courage to go against Tanrong."

"And what makes you think Tanrong cares about your life enough to fight Jeongguk?"

"I'm an ally," he said, as if stating the obvious.

"You were an ally," Tae corrected, emphasizing the past tense, "when you still had relevance in this court. Now that is gone. What use do you have?"

"I am still a valuable source of knowledge about Jeongguk and Jinse."

"You probably told them it all already."

"And I am friends with the King," he pointed out, showing an arrogant grin.

"Enough to threaten an alliance he has been orchestrating for so long now?"

He snorted.

"We all know there is no threat to this alliance, Jeongguk has the most to lose here, he will release me to ensure the wedding."

"Jeongguk is angry. He is furious, Bogum, and I trust you know he is not the most rational when he is like this," Tahyung tapped a bar, "plus, he has me to convince him to say no to Tanrong."

"You?" he sneered, passing his arms through the hollow spaces. Tae stepped back when the back of Bogum's hand grazed his cheek. "You are an used toy. As pleasant as you are, Taehyung, you should stop overestimating yourself. He chose her before."

Tae clenched his jaw, not wanting to let Bogum get to him.

"He has new information now, to change his choice. And you are underestimating how much he hates you. He won't let you go. And you know what I think Bogum?" He tilted his head, taking a good look at the prisoner, "I think all your excuses are shit. I think there is a very strategic reason why the king of Tanrong is putting your useless self over his alliance. You either have something he wants, which is more than enough reason for Guk to keep you here, or you know something. And when Jeongguk doesn't bend to their will, I doubt they will want cancel the wedding because I was there when Jieun came to supposedly threaten Jeongguk and she was practically in her knees begging for him to do as they asked. We both know they don't care about you and they will send someone to kill you if they need to shut you up." Taehyung saw his nostrils flare for a second. "But if you tell me why is it that you are so certain you have Tanrong on your side, I promise you I'll convince Jeongguk to keep you alive."

Bogum waved his pointer finger in a denial.

"I am not upto negociations. I know Jeongguk is inclined to free me or else you wouldn't he desperate enough to talk to me again."

"I want to know what is the missing piece, that is why I am here."

Bogum pulled back from the grates, walking around his cell.

"I have nothing to tell you, Taehyung, other than that if you truly love Jeongguk, you should advise him to release me and go forward with the wedding. He cannot lose an alliance like this right now, not when enemies are just waiting for a chance to attack us. After all I've done, I hope I have at least taught him one thing or two about not leaving breaches."

"As you said to me, I am giving you a chance. Think about it. We both know you are hanging on by a thread."

"Then I'll do the same as you and refuse it," he shrugged, "I will be out of here and on to Tanrong's court before the wedding day."

Tae sighed, wiping his hands on his clothes.

"Fine, be delusional all you want. Soon you will know I was right."

Bogum seemed unfazed, but then again, he had already proved himself a good actor. His confidence unnerved Taehyung. He couldn't shake the feeling there was more at stake than Bogum was letting on. He couldn't prove it though, and as much as he hated to agree with Yoongi, his intuition might not be the most neutral. If he wanted to stop the wedding he would need more than intuition. But was it even his place to do so? If Guk still believed he should wed, if Taehyung himself had decided it was best to leave and not intervene, why was he still trying to fight the current? Jeongguk had access to all the facts and variables involved to make his decision. He even knew his opinion. He had already made a choice to Tae's dismay, time to accept it. It was Jeongguk's life. Life that he cherished most, but still Jeongguk's life. Taehyung was tired of fighting too.

The sun was setting when he entered the corridor of his chambers. Instead of following straight ahead, he took a turn in an impromptu decision for another destination. He remembered making that path the first time, lost and alone. That time he knew where he was going. He knew what he was looking for.

The sky looked particularly beautiful from the balcony, darkening as new colors were spilled over nature's canvas. Spring's first flowers were on the verge of blooming, the weather becoming more welcoming. He leaned over the balustrade, towards the waves, hearing their hush. A ship faded into the last touches of the sun over the sea. Soon it would be him in that immensity, traveling into the unknown. His memories would be all he took from that palace, more precious than any piece of gold within its walls. He shut his eyes as he hummed to himself, enjoying the healing atmosphere.

"Twilight." Taehyung knew the owner of that sweet voice. He looked back, spotting Jeongguk illuminated by the faint golden light. "Legend has told it's the time of meetings. I should have known I'd find you here."

"Does it displease you to see me?"

Jeongguk leaned by his side. Taehyung's gaze was drawn to him.

"Never." He looked over the water. "Maybe deep down I hoped you would be here. My chest felt heavy, I could only move towards this spot..."

"Mine too." They stayed silent for a moment. The dark blue sky advanced forward to finish the painting. "Nights are uneasy for me lately."

"I used to love them," the emperor said, observing the sky,

"Me too, but every ache seems to hurt more at night, doesn't it?"

"My mom used to sing in times like these," Jeongguk reminisced, "to calm me down."

Taehyung recognized the haze in his eyes, the melancholic shade that colored him whenever his memories were stirred. His fingertips reached Guk's in a hesitant caress. Jeongguk peered at him stunned, but didn't pull back.

"Sing for me?" Tae requested, "It has been so long since you did."

"I don't like my voice," he grimaced.

"I do. I wish you would sing more."

Jeongguk sighed, capturing Taehyung's hand with his. His focus shifted to the horizon. Tae had already given up on his request, when a delicate sound resonated beside him, wrapping around his heart. Theirs hands were clasped, as they watched twilight end, bidding the moment goodbye with a sad lullaby.

Jeongguk's song faded, recoiled back into his hoarse throat.

"It's over," he murmured. But no one moved. Jeongguk's thumb grazed Taehyung's veins. The hallway was in shadows, torches not lighten up yet.

"Why did you come here today?" Tae inquired, the noise of the water almost drowning his voice.

"I was thinking... Of this place, of you. Of when we were here together. I like to watch their movement," his chin pointed at the waves, "they break upon this shore but they also retreat back, see... Breaking and pulled back by a force too strong, it's an endless movement, they can never distance too much before being drawn back. I was drawn here. I wish to go back."

"To when?"

"To the first time we met here."

"I hated you then."

"I know. But I could have done things much different."

"What would you do? Send me away?" Tae turned towards him, "Not let any of this ever begin?"

"Of course not," Jeongguk turned too, "Love you better. Love you longer."

"We can't change what is gone."

"You're right. I can only see the shore now, but you keep me coming back to you Taehyung."

"It's mutual, Guk. Surely, you must know it is." Taehyung squeezed his hand. "Ever since I told you I was leaving, ever since we separated, I must have come up with at least a dozen plans to see you. I told myself to not follow through with any, to leave things as they were. I fretted I would make it worse, so it was best to give you space. But here we are."

"Space. I don't think we ever learned the meaning of this word," Jeongguk had a crooked smile, glancing at the inches of air that kept them apart. One soul pulled the other. Taehyung didn't even see it happening.

"We need to learn."

"Indeed. But maybe... Maybe we can settle for a last drawback?"

His stars popped, sparkling brighter.

"Guk?"

"I-"

Steps came from the end of the hallway. Jeongguk cursed. He grabbed Taehyung's arm, pulling him into the corner with him where they were not visible from the corridor anymore. Tae was shoved against the wall with urgency. Their bodies countours were stuck together in a complicated puzzle.

"What are you doing?" Tae hushed at loss, "I thought you wanted to keep a distance."

"I thought so too, but," he swallowed dry, "distance is all we'll have for a long time. I know it's imprudent, yet I want to love you a little longer, my Taehyung. I want to hold you in my arms until I have to let go."

The steps approached, Jeongguk pressed him harder against the wall. Taehyung bit his lip to suppress a sound. Flaming light came from the corridors. The steps were leaving.

"Are you sure?" Tae asked, growing impatient with that uncertainty, "I don't want you to get hurt-"

"I will get hurt," Jeongguk affirmed determined, the fear of the previous day not seen, "but I have decided long ago that you are worth getting hurt for, Tae. If you are willing to get hurt with me, I will make the last days all for you and then we can part with no regrets. Or at least almost none."

Taehyung's gaze lowered from his eyes to his lips. He felt fingers brushing through his hair, playing with it. He would never deny him. His mouth caught Jeongguk's eagerly, drinking him up, treated to water after scorching in the desert. His hands involve nearly his entire waist, bodies frictioning to fuse. They furtively kissed in the balcony, only the stars as testimony to their riptide.

Notes:

I have so many feelings right now. 2 more chapters to go and I feel like Taekook, not ready to say goodbye. I watched Hymn Of Death these days and it made me all emo. It made me think a lot about love and devotion. I hope you felt alongside the characters in this one. Please please leave me comments to tell me what you thought. They are so important to me. I had a good time seeing my boys on Corden tonight and decided to sit down and finish what was missing of this chapter. Next one I promise you there will be fluff. I hope you liked it. See you soon 💕

Chapter 41

Eyelashes fluttered over Taehyung's cheeks, tickling him. Heat emanated from a body fused to his. Even bare skinned Taehyung had never felt as warm. He still felt last night kisses covering him. Those beautiful memories replayed in his mind, a special scent laced to them. His nose nuzzled Jeongguk's neck, making him giggle.

"What?" Tae slurred, too sleepy to form an elaborate sentence. But Guk understood his question.

"It tickles." He laughed again when Tae repeated the movement and kissed the top of his head. "And I got the feeling again..." He directed Taehyung's palm to his heart, "That funny fluttering in my chest."

Taehyung was met by his fond gaze when his lids opened, no sight he would be more grateful for when waking up. Jeongguk's genuine smile was back, creating wrinkles on his face and the same feeling he talked about inside Tae's own chest.

"Not heavy anymore?"

"Not at all," he put an arm around his head, adjusting to the pillow, "today I float on a cloud. I actually believe I might have reached the stars last night."

Taehyung beamed, spotting the bright sparkles of his irises.

"So do I."

He yawned, moving to stretch his limbs. Guk held on to his torso, not letting him get too far.

"How needy," Tae snorted, teasing him. Chills ran down his spine when Jeongguk's lips traced it.

"I do need you," his voice was raspy, rumbling on his throat, "you have known that for a while now, haven't you?"

"I have."

"And you let me get attached, so you could at least stay put and let me cling a little more, please?" He got to Taehyung's hair, smelling it. "Come here."

Taehyung turned to Jeongguk, letting himself be pulled closer to him, until their chests were joint.

"As you wish, your majesty."

Sun rays beneath the curtain were ignored. Their only schedule was being together. The quiet palace allowed them to hear their mingled breaths. Arms were closed around waists, noses and lips brushing. Taehyung etched Jeongguk's every feature, every scar and mole, into his mind. Whenever he closed his eyes from then on, that was what he wished to see. Whenever he let his thoughts wander, they would have one certain destination. He caressed his cheek, not bothered by the intensity Jeongguk's eyes had when fixated on him. He was familiar with his desire, his passion, his adoration. He retributed it, speaking the same private language.

"Leave this place with me."

Taehyung almost couldn't hear it. His movement halted.

"What?"

"For the night. We can go to one of the nearby villages," Jeongguk suggested, the idea coming to form as he spoke it, "just the two of us, no complications. I know it's not going off sailing, like we wanted to, but it's the best I can do. We can be back by tomorrow."

It sounded too good to be true.

"How?" He questioned, intrigued by the proposal that had Jeongguk fully awaken. "This seems too risky."

"I... I can talk to Jieun today." He clenched his jaw for a brief moment, "I will tell her I agree to her demand, Tae." Taehyung didn't want to ruin the moment by starting that discussion again, but he couldn't disguise his feelings, specially from Jeongguk. "I'm sorry."

It was not the time for gloom or arguments, and they had already had that conversation. Jeongguk had his reasons, Taehyung knew them well. It would be good to take a trip if possible, put all the conflict aside. He didn't want clouds over their bright moments any longer.

"I understand," Tae massaged his scalp, erasing any trace of disappointment in his own face, "I do, Jeongguk. I know you are doing what you think is the best, I support you."

The angst in Jeongguk's expression eased into a small smile.

"Thank you. Truly."

"As long as you're fine with your decision..." but judging by the way he pursed lips at that, Tae could tell he was not. Still, he wouldn't make their last days consist of more arguing. Jeongguk was grown enough to choose for himself, as much as his choices pained and affected them both. "You want to tell her today?"

"Yes, to get her off my back. Then I can inform Yoongi about it and he will cover for us, make an excuse for the night."

"He will never help us," Tae warned, predicting his scowl upon hearing about it, "on the contrary, he will try to dissuade you from the idea."

"I know, but as much of a nag as he is, hyung has always been loyal. He will want to help even if just to keep us out of trouble. We'll find a way, Tae." His optimism was such that Taehyung agreed. "We can go to... To... Bora? It's not too far, and it's very ordinary, not many soldiers, I myself have only been there for a night stop before."

"We will have to be discrete."

"We can stay in a tent outside the city. We'll steer clear from soldiers or high class people who could know me. I know it is not ideal, but it's a chance for us to enjoy a little freedom. What do you say?"

Just the perspective of leaving the suffocating palace made Jeongguk lighten up. Tae couldn't hold himself from being infected by his enthusiasm. Alone together was when they were the happiest. Even if that flower was ephemeral, even if it would have to wither when winter came like Bogum had warned, Taehyung wanted it to blossom its beautiful colors for the moment. He wanted a spring day they couldn't get under the large shadow of the throne.

"Yes, Gukie."

Jeongguk vibrated, energy filling up. He sat up and pulled the covers away.

"I will go take care of these details and then I'm all yours."

Taehyung's legs wrapped around his waist firmly, causing him to raise a questioning brow.

"Just a little longer. I'm needy too."

Jeongguk cracked a smirk, nodding. He pulled the covers over their heads to snuggle a few more kisses and start the day right. Only after the treats, Tae let him go.

Guk picked his clothes up, dressing himself. Taehyung sat against the bed board, mapping his body, a territory he already knew by heart.

"I'll be back in a blink, get ready to leave."

"Alright," he agreed getting out of bed too. It was Jeongguk's turn to stare. But Taehyung didn't mind, pleased by the drawing his eyes made of his figure. "Love?"

"Just one more," Jeongguk murmured, coming across the room to kiss him again amid giggles. "Alright, I'll be back soon."

Tae dressed up, wondering what he would take with them. What he would take for the longer upcoming journey too. No. He didn't want to think about the next days. They should simply cease the moment. He opened the curtains welcoming the light.

However, despite the euphoria he had been feeling since the night before, Tae couldn't shake away the annoying feeling problems would arise again and come in the way of their plans as it constantly happened. He was calloused, pure simple joy had become suspicious. He waited anxious, not knowing if he was stretching the time in his worried mind or not. The expression Jeongguk had when he came back only worried him more.

"How did it go?" Tae asked right away.

No answer. Jeongguk was leaned on the door, wide eyes unfocused. Taehyung's stomach churned. Something had happened. Of course it did. Guk's brows as well as his lips had a frown as if he thought long and hard about something. Another conflict? Another threat? Had he changed his mind? Their hopes surely had been frustrated again. They should be used to it. He didn't know why he even bothered to keep hoping.

"Jeonggukie?" He called nervous, stepping close to the distant man. Whatever the new issue was, it occupied his mind completely. "W-what happened?"

"Hm?" He hummed eyes looking up.

"You're a little weird. What is it? Is it Jieun? Did things go bad in your conversation?"

The distress in Taehyung's voice seemed to snap him out of his trance.

"No," he raised his hands, "no, don't worry. It went alright, all as planned."

Taehyung unclenched his teeth, letting the air out.

"Good. Then what is it? Was it Yoongi? I told you he wouldn't support it-"

"It is Yoongi," he nodded, holding his own chin, "but not only him. I heard something really weird." He cocked his head to the side. "I was going to talk to Yoongi, like I told you. I went to his chambers and I saw Jimin entering and I thought that was actually good because Jimin always supports me and he always seems to reason with Yoongi, so I went to the door, but before I opened I heard them talking. I really glued my ear to it to hear-"

"You eavesdropped on them?" Tae snorted.

"I thought they might be talking about me," he justified, a little offended by the accusing tone, "but I was wrong. It sounded... Romantic?"

He scrunched his nose at his own words. Taehyung looked away, not sure of how to react. He didn't want to fool Jeongguk; he couldn't tell either.

"Oh?"

"I know, it's weird. I told myself I was probably hearing it wrong, but then I think I heard kissing noises! I think there is something going on between them." His big eyes focused on Taehyung, waiting for his reaction, the confusion growing. "You don't look surprised. I just told you there is strong evidence Yoongi and Jimin were kissing, why aren't you surprised?" He studied Taehyung, brows going lower, "Do you know something I don't?"

Taehyung walked away from his stare. He would never betray Jimin, or risk their friendship, as much as it bothered him to keep secrets from Jeongguk. But Guk had already figured out and Tae couldn't lie to his face like that.

"Well..." he fiddled with his shirt, "Jeongguk, please be understanding. Jimin wanted to keep it a secret, so I never mentioned it, but I caught them together once."

Tae peeked at him, finding that his eyes had grown even wider, about to pop out. His mouth had the same shape.

"So they have a relationship?" Tae nodded, concerned about his let down look, mouth turning downwards. "Why did he keep it a secret from me? I tell Jimin everything and he couldn't even tell me he had feelings for Yoongi? I thought- Is our bond nothing to him?"

"It is not that, love," Tae tried to soothe him. Jeongguk shook his head, not listening.

"They are the two closest people I have after you, they are my family and they kept this from me."

"They didn't want you to worry about them. Jimin was afraid that, if you knew, you would try to help and en up putting yourself at risk, or then feel guilty if you didn't help them. He didn't want to add to your burden or put you in a difficult spot." Taehyung rubbed his back. "They both care a lot."

"But Yoongi!" The emotions shifted again, burning into fury. "That bastard! All this time lecturing me and getting in our way and being against our relationship without any sort of compassion while he enjoyed being with his love. What a damn hypocrite!"

"You are the king, Jeongguk, he isn't."

"Are you sure? He gets to control his own life while also controlling mine."

"He was trying to do what he thought was right." Taehyung couldn't believe he was defending Yoongi. Jeongguk couldn't either, crossing his arms with a pout.

"Why are you siding with him?"

"I am not," he sighed, "but, as you said he is your family. As much as I disagree with him I know he cares for you, Jeongguk. You're his family too, and in his head that means he needs to protect you at all costs. He thought he was keeping you safe."

"He can't refuse to help us today, Tae, after this he can't."

Jeongguk marched to the door, obstinate. Tae choked.

"You're going to talk to him now?"

"I am. I already let his hipocrisy go on for too long. I let his lectures stop me from doing what would make me happy. And all this time..." he smacked his own forehead, "How did I not notice before? I'm always around them, they are always together, I have caught some strange glances before, but I never connected the dots. I just... I thought if anything ever happened I would know about it first."

"They really didn't mean any harm."

"I know, but still it is disappointing for me to know they have been lying for so long. To think Yoongi was so harsh to me while going through the same. The sooner he agrees to help, the sooner we are out of here," his voice lingered when he was already out of the room.

Taehyung sighed, going after him. Jeongguk was determined in his path, only hesitating when he got to his destination. He had his ear against the door when Taehyung reached him. There was a moment of silence when he knocked, a hesitation they were familiar with.

"We can come back later," Tae mouthed. Guk ignored, folding his arms.

Tae could imagine the two inside discussing in murmurs wether they would allow any interruptions to their time together. But, of all the criticism Taehyung could make about him, it couldn't be denied that Yoongi honored his commitments.

"Who is it?" He questioned, a slight annoyance in his voice.

"Jeongguk. I need to talk to you."

The door opened right away. Yoongi's pitch black hair was a tad messy, the hint of a blush in his pale face. Jimin stood behind him, smiling innocently.

"Good morning. Jimin and I were actually talking about you-"

"I know what you two were talking about." He passed by the general. "I finally know what the talk has been all these years. Has it really been years? "

"Pardon?"

"You two are in a relationship," Jeongguk accused, shaking his head when their breaths hitched. "So it is true."

"You told him?!" Jimin glared at Taehyung.

"No!"

"He didn't. I came to speak to Yoongi and I heard you," Guk explained, focusing on Jimin who chewed his lower lip. "And you know, I couldn't believe it at first. I always thought you would tell me when you fell in love with someone, the way I told you, Jimin. I thought I would be the first to know. But I suppose I was wrong."

"Guk, don't be like this," Jimin pleaded. "I had reasons to not tell."

"I know. Taehyung said you did. But I am not here to question you, so you can save it. I have other more important matters to focus on. I came because I need help, Yoongi."

He turned back to his general who had a raised brow.

"With what?"

"Tae and I will take a trip," he informed proudly, "we'll go to Bora for the night."

"Absolutely not," the general determined, impassive, "if you leave Jieun will think you ran off and cancel the wedding."

"I already solved the matters with Jieun," he informed, only tired resignation in his voice, "I agreed to her terms. Once I'm back I will let Bogum go and prepare to marry her."

Yoongi nodded, but even if that was what he wanted he didn't seem pleased by the news.

"Good, but traveling would still be too dangerous, I cannot support it."

"You really have got no shame, have you?" Jeongguk's brows tugged together. "You know, all this time that you opposed my relationship with Taehyung, that you acted so coldly and disregarded my feelings, I excused it by telling myself you couldn't understand it. You had never known what it was like to love someone, to long to long to be one with another. I thought you weren't even capable of such feelings." Yoongi's feline features became sharper. Taehyung was surprised by Jeongguk's roughness. But he couldn't fault him for snapping after so much pressure. "But now I know you are. Now I can put the pieces together, all these memories I have of the two of you. So much care and love, so much partnership... Were you the only one who deserved to feel this way? The only one who deserved to be happy?"

Yoongi's wet his lips, pome moving fast.

"I was trying to protect you," he justified, "I knew this could never work and it would only bring you sorrow."

"It could have worked," Jeongguk insisted, frustration making him red, "if we had support, if we had help, it could have worked, I could have said no to this twisted marriage from the start and Tae wouldn't be leaving, but you never had any compassion to us. You knew what I was feeling, yet you pressured me to let go of who is dearest to me."

"The throne has demands," Yoongi lectured stern.

"The throne is not me," Jeongguk thundered, "there is still a man over it with desires and dreams and hopes, even if you seem to forget that."

The general sighed, a hint of exhaustion in his slouching posture.

"I don't, Jeongguk. And I did consider your feelings, I never wanted you to get hurt."

"No, you didn't even want me to get to know, to get to live, this precious feeling. And for what? In the end, we are handing our kingdom to our enemies. I am tired of being a puppet, so let me make this one decision for myself before I let you continue to boss me around, before I sacrifice my happiness. If you have any speck of fondness for me as a person, not because my father made it your duty to protect me, if you have any affection for Jeon Jeongguk, then help me live a little even if for just one night."

Jeongguk's words ended with a huff, a stone moved off him, expelled from his throat. Taehyung's fingers intertwined with his in silent support. Yoongi glanced at the touch, his expression softening. He cocked his head back, tongue clicking in dissatisfaction as it prepared the following question.

"Well, then, what do you need me to do?"

"You are going to help?" Jeongguk exclaimed shocked, even if that was the plan.

"Someone needs to or else you will put yourselves at risk. I know I can't convince you stubborn kids to give this crazy idea up," he grouched, but Jeongguk couldn't wipe the smile off his face, "so what have you got in mind?"

"I thought about leaving discretely, just me and Tae. We would go to the woods outside Bora and set camp there. We'll be back tomorrow night. I need you to help us with provisions and a cover up while we're gone. I don't want anyone else to know about it."

"At least take a soldier with you for the journey," he insisted.

"But I wanted you to stay as my representative."

"Is there no one else you can trust?"

"Sunho," Taehyung suggested, earning a set of confused glances, "he knows we are close and he was the reason Bogum's plan didn't work. He is also a low class soldier, so he won't draw much attention. And I have a good feeling about him."

"I don't know him well," Yoongi scratched his head, making the nest there messier.

"He was the only soldier who came to me," Jeongguk remembered, weighing the suggestion, "he has protected me and Tae twice already. And Tae is right, he will pass by the gates without a second glance."

"If you deem him trustworthy then fine," Yoongi shrugged, "I can talk to him right away. About provisions-"

"I can take care of that," Jimin offered, a guilty look still in his eyes, "I'll get you a basket with bread and fruits."

Yoongi nodded at him, then turned back to them.

"Go get ready and leave the rest to me and Jimin. We will fetch you when it's time to leave."

Jeongguk let go of Taehyung's hand, stepping forward. He grabbed Yoongi's shoulders, hesitating for a moment before pulling him towards his chest, arms closed around the smaller figure.

"Thank you, hyung."

Yoongi patted his back in a request to be set free.

"I don't want to regret it."

Each went to their own room to prepare for the journey. Tae finished his bag quickly, waiting eagerly until was Jimin finally appeared on his door. He nearly ran down to the stables, his friend lagging behind, telling him to be careful.

Preparations seemed almost complete. Sunho tied a basket to a horse's back, as Yoongi passed final instructions to Jeongguk who had a long cape in his arm, similar to the one he wore. Yoongi's expression was impassive, but worry lingered in his narrow eyes. Jeongguk ignored it, grinning from ear to ear. Jimin reached Taehyung's side, short of breath.

"Your legs are longer than mine, have consideration, Taehyung," he whined.

"Sorry." Tae smiled apologetic. "I just want to go at once."

Jimin fixed his hair.

"I know. He is all excited too."

Tae noticed a shade of sorrow in the way he looked at Jeongguk.

"He is not mad," he assured, surprising Jimin, "really, he was taken aback and he was sad you didn't tell him, but he's not mad at you."

That seemed to console him a bit. Jimin licked his lips, smiling again.

"Good to know. If he's not angry then we can talk this through once you are back. Today should be all about the two of you, Tae." He side hugged Taehyung. "I'm really glad you can do this."

Tae smiled back at him.

"Me too."

Jeongguk caught him looking, waving his way in a silent call. Taehyung walked up to him, resisting the urge to embrace him.

"Is everything ready?"

"As good as it can be on such short notice," Yoongi muttered. He threw a leather pouch towards Taehyung who caught it despite the lack of a warning. The coins inside it clattered. "Spend wisely."

"We have to wear these." Jeongguk put the thick cape over his shoulders. The tip of his boots met Taehyung's as he tied the piece of clothing around his neck. Tae replicated his smile.

"Thank you."

Jeongguk dusted his garment off, before pulling the hood up to shade his features.

"Handsome," he whispered, smirking cheeky.

"We can leave, your majesty," Sunho informed, already up on his horse.

Jeongguk put his own hood, becoming serious. Until they were outside the walls tension wouldn't completely leave them. The three bolted outside the palace, not giving chance for a change of plans. Sunho went in the front, leading the group through alleyways of the city, Jeongguk in the middle, followed by Taehyung. They left the capital through one of the side gates, along with a few old wagons. No one questioned them.

They flew through the forest, taking dizzying turns to cover their tracks. Taehyung's heart pumped, coloring his cheeks with excitement. Freedom was at the reach of their fingers. It was an illusion, a one night dream, bound to end. He would enjoy it nevertheless. The sky was colored a vivid blue. Wind blowed Taehyung towards Jeongguk. His fingers stretched out to meet him, to touch the lower leaves over their heads. He tried to memorize every tree, every rushing by animal, every moment that Jeongguk smiled at him in that path sharing his bubbling joy.

When the sun had already walked part of the sky they began to slow down. They came to halt in a region with less dense forest.

"Is here good enough, your majesty?" Sunho asked, looking at Jeongguk. "The town is only a little further."

"It's good." Jeongguk got down from his horse. Every draw of the new air seemed to be a source of pleasure for him, chest puffed.

They organized their small camp, setting a tent to protect their bodies from the night chill. Taehyung worked next to Sunho, observing him with respect. He didn't ask any questions, didn't direct them any suspicious glances, simply cooperative.

"I am really grateful to you," he felt the need to express his genuine appreciation at the man who was taken by surprise, "for getting me free. And for saving Jeongguk and helping us now. You are a great soldier and person."

Sunho bowed, the hint of a smile showing as he accepted the compliment.

"I am just happy to be helpful to the emperor in anyway I can." He stood up, wiping his hands on his knees. "I think you are all set."

"Indeed." Jeongguk reached his hand for him to shake. "I sincerely thank you for your help, Sunho-ssi."

Sunho gasped at his movement, taking a moment to react to it. Hesitant, he held the emperor's hand for a quick shake, bowing deeply.

"I am always at your service, your majesty. I will stay in Bora's lodge, but you can come to me if need arises. I will get back to you tomorrow. Enjoy your hunting trip."

Tae and Guk exchanged an amused glance. He mounted on his horse, perhaps noticing it was time to leave. The moment he was out of sight, Jeongguk wrapped his arms around Taehyung's shoulder, lips on his neck.

"Clingy, clingy," Tae snickered, fiddling with his ring. Guk nibbled his earlobe.

"Just say it when you want me to stop." Only the birds were heard. He let out an airy laughter. "I thought so."

Jeongguk took him on his arms. Tae untied the knot of his cloak, letting it drop down on the grass. They his inside the small, but cozy tent, lying among the blankets. There was no time to even catch his breath, before Jeongguk was taking it away again, kissing him senseless. His touch warmed him up better than any bonfire. Tae laid on top of him, chin resting over his.

"Are you happy?" Jeongguk brushed his hair softly.

"Happier than ever," Tae exulted, grazing the stubble that began to grow on his face, "what about you?"

"This might be the best day of my life."

Jeongguk caught his fingers, pecking them.

"I wish it could last forever."

"I wish we can do this again. But next time, I will get us a house," Guk announced.

"A house?" Tae's brows raised. Jeongguk nodded, lost in a thought he seemed to have been concocting for a while.

"A cottage. Just big enough for the two of us, warm and-"

"With actual walls?" Taehyung joked.

"With actual walls," he confirmed snorting, "and a pretty garden and library for you."

Taehyung slowly turned his head, ear coming in contact with the pulse of Jeongguk's heart. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to imagine it too.

"Where do you want to live?"

"By the sea," he replied instantly, "we can trail the shore line together, and go swimming in the summer..."

"Sounds good," he purred, hands going under the fabric of Jeongguk's remaining clothes, "What else are we gonna do?"

"Love." He held onto Taehyung's hips. "Love so much. And have fun and eat well and draw together and read. I want to know more of the books you like and get better at reading. I want you to teach me to dance. I want to learn everything with you."

"You should also keep teaching my sword lessons then. Though I wish none of us would ever have to use it again. And you will have to sing for me," he demanded playful, feeling Jeongguk's chest vibrate with a chuckle.

"I will. I will do anything to see you smile."

Tae drew circles on his chest. He raised his head again, kissing his jaw.

"I would love to do all you said, Gukie. I hope one day we can."

"I promise you I will find a way. I won't give up on you, Tae. Which reminds me..." he moved his hand into his pocket. Tae waited curious, as he contorted a little to reach something. "Got it," he smirked victorious. A blue chord came into sight between his fingers. The smirk transformed into a loving smile. "I believe this is yours."

"Gukie," Taehyung cooed as he took the present in his hands. He sat up, holding the treasure with the highest esteem. All the feelings embodied by it overwhelmed him. "You kept it?"

Jeongguk sat up too, biting his lip.

"Yes. I shouldn't have asked for it back," he recognized, "I'm sorry about it, Tae. Whatever your decision and future are, nothing changes my feelings for you, or the reason I gave you this bracelet. It is yours and it will always be. I understand if you don't want to use it anymore, but it's still yours to keep. I hope you will accept it back."

"Of course I will use it," he grinned at Jeongguk, "wether we meet in that cottage or not, I am connected to you. What I said that day is true, I want to hold on to this, to you, and cherish it."

"Then will you allow me?"

Tae placed his wrist forward, recalling the sweet night that bracelet had first been given to him. After the storm they faced, it managed to carry even deeper meaning. Guk tied it once more, sealing their bind. He then let Taehyung do the same to his. Tae finished the tight knot and tackled him to the ground, no space between them.

"I love you," he confessed by Jeongguk's ear.

"I love you too. And I promise you my future, Tae. Not because I feel obliged," he emphasized, "but because it is natural to me, because I want to. Because I only want you."

Taehyung rubbed his nose against his, kissing every inch of his face. They stayed cozied up a little longer, enjoying caresses, until their stomachs complained.

"What do you say we go to the city to buy some meat?" Guk asked against his collarbones, making him ticklish. Taehyung's massaged his neck with one hand. He warred with his conflicting necessities.

"It's so nice in here..."

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I am," he sighed, leaning on his elbows to lift his upper chest, "but we have some food, are you sure it isn't too dangerous to go?"

"I barely visited this place, we can put on the hoods to be sure, but I doubt anyone who is not a soldier would recognize me."

They decided to take the risk, both hungry and curious. Jeongguk hid the gold and his sword under the cloak. They left the horses tied to a tree, worried they would draw more attention on them. And, even if it was more tiring, walking allowed them to keep their hands clasped. Jeongguk tugged, pulling Tae towards him, charting a little faster. Taehyung strolled, retaliated by pulling him back, making him lose his balance. Guk faked outrage.

"You didn't," he gasped dramatically.

"What are you gonna do?" Taehyung teased

He ran away, an invitation open. Jeongguk chased after him. They giggled, filled with joy. Jeongguk caught his waist, his prize was Taehyung's lips.

"I'm almost giving up and taking you back to camp," he admitted, biting his lip softly.

"No, now, I want to go." He let go, taking his hand. "We are exploring together, right? It will be fun."

The village was close indeed, its contours easily visible. Unlike the agitated Jinse, that place had a still surface. People had no rush, carrying buckets of water over their heads, clearing the narrow streets for cows to pass. Some chatted over the walls of their joined houses, smoke coming out of their chimneys. Children played an unfamiliar game at the square. Taehyung was taken in his study of the foreigners, analyzing the way they weren't actually sitting, but crouching, or that they didn't speak as loudly as what he was used to in Jinse, the fact all the older women without exception had their hair in the same exact buns while the men grew (or faked) long mustaches. Their clothes were made of darker colors, but had beautiful complex patterns sawn.

Jeongguk let go of his hand, instead delicately touching his back to lead him, making sure he wouldn't get lost. The market was much simpler than the one in Jinse. But like in Jinse, Tae was pleased to find colors, scents and objects that picked his interest there. Every offer the merchants made got his attention easily, candles, clothes and jewelry pushed under his nose when they saw him looking.

Guk stopped by a booth to buy meat. Tae admired the bracelets on the booth besides it as the seller told him all about how she had handmade them. Yells startled him.

"Catch the thief!" A high pitched scream irritated his ears.

He spotted the cause of the commotion. A young raggedy boy bolted in his direction, pushing people away to pass. He held a loaf of bread in his hands, taking quick glimpses over his shoulder. He passed Tae by, crashing against Jeongguk's legs. Guk kneeled down to speak, which only seemed to scare him more. Taehyung stopped breathing when a middle aged woman dashed in their direction, grabbing the boy by the collar. "Got you, little rat."

The kid complained, choking as he dangled from his persecutor's hand. His eyes were filled with tears he refused to let out.

"What do you think you are doing?" Jeongguk intervened upset. "Let him go, he is a child."

"He is a thief!" The woman spat.

"He was probably hungry," Guk argued, stepping closer to the squirming boy, "you are hurting and scaring him, no need to hold him like he is an animal."

It had gotten silent around. Tae's mouth was dry seeing all the heads in the market turned at them.

"And who are you, you arrogant ass, to come into my village and tell me how to do things?" She squinted, measuring Jeongguk. "Have I seen you before?"

"We are drifters." Tae stepped in before things got more heated. "Only passing through."

"And wanting to meddle in our lives? With what authority?" She scoffed. "Need I call the guard to tell you how things are done here?"

The threat agitated the boy, who cried pleas of "no's". Taehyung heard Jeongguk fuming next to him.

"No, there is no need. We will pay you for the bread," Tae tried to placate her, hand open in a peace sign, "just let the boy go."

"He committed a crime."

"Please, he is still so young and no harm was done. Here," he took a handful of golden coins out, "it's yours for your product. We can settle it this way, right?"

The woman raised a brow, ogling the shiny metal. She took it from Taehyung's hand hungrily, dropping the boy who fell on the ground with a thud and a yelp. Jeongguk immediately kneeled besides him again.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly, trying to take a look at him, but the child was too nervous to reply.

"Next time you won't be so lucky," the merchant informed, making the sound of a whip.

Taehyung held Jeongguk down when he turned around, ready for a fight.

"Gukie, no," he warned low, "it will make it worse. Leave it for another time. We have to tend to the boy."

That got through to Jeongguk. He looked back at the shaking figure.

"It's alright now." The rage in his voice gone to allow a gentle tone. "She is gone, no one will hurt you."

"T-thank you," he murmured, unable to look at them. He still clutched the bread safely like it was a valuable posession. By the way his cheeks were sunken, it probably was.

"You must have been so hungry," Guk muttered disheartened.

"What is your name?" Tae inquired. The boy looked from one new face to other.

"Cheol," he gulped, the amount of fear in his doe eyes squeezing Taehyung's heart, "I'm Cheol."

"That's a strong name." Tae smiled sweetly, hoping he would see they had no bad intentions. "Nice to meet you, Cheol, I'm Taehyung, and this is Jeongguk."

"You got hurt," Guk lamented, pointing the rip on his trousers where blood was visible. The boy shrugged.

"This is nothing. At least I got it." He had a small grin towards the bread. "Thank you for your help."

"Cheol, we will buy you more food for you to take to your family," Jeongguk offered promptly. Cheol's eyes widened, round like the emperor's.

"What?"

"In how many do you live? We will buy you food and new pants too."

He blinked confused at the kindness.

"Why? No one ever wanted to help."

"I know what it is like to be hungry and have to steal food, to have to hold yourself back from eating so you can get home and share the little you have. You deserve better than this. I wish someone would have thought the same of me before."

Cheol looked down, wiping his nose.

"Three," he said sheepish, "we live in three. Me, my mom and my baby brother. She is sick," he added in a defense, "and almost all our radish is over so that's why I have to get the food. But she's a good mother."

"Alright," Guk offered him his hand, "why don't you tell us what you need at home?"

Cheol took his hand and didn't let it go. The boy hid behind the emperor's leg as they walked the market, taking glances at Taehyung who smiled to reassure him. Jeongguk gave him the pheasant he had bought for his and Taehyung's supper, rice and medicine. Lastly they bought him a new set of pants. The boy seemed about to cry stunned. They had walked the entire market, some intrigued eyes on them, making Tae uncomfortable. Cheol stopped in front of one of the last booths, a variety of toys exposed on it.

"What is it?" Jeongguk questioned.

"Nothing," he shook his head.

"Do you want a toy, Cheol-ah?" Taehyung asked, tickling him.

"Food is more important," he uttered, sounding like the words were not originally his.

Taehyung gave him some coins.

"It is. But your happiness is important too. Pick a gift for yourself."

The boy gulped.

"Really?"

"Really. Go ahead."

He didn't need to hear it again, running closer to choose a toy. Tae waited for him with Jeongguk, both men endeared by his excitement.

"I had one toy when I was his age," Guk murmured, "well two if you're being technical. Yoongi made it."

"Yoongi?" Tae repeated surprised, focusing on him.

"He carved quite possibly the ugliest pair of dolls I have ever seen out of a piece of wood for me to play with Jeongsoon."

That brought back to Taehyung a vague memory of the night he shared a tent with Yoongi in the battlefield. He remembered the general sitting by the fire, knife in hand as he made life out of wood.

"That was very considerate of him." He recognized the look in Jeongguk's eyes. The grief they both shared. "Was Jeongsoon the name of your sister?"

"Yes," he said weakly, fixated on Cheol.

The small boy waved a ball over his head, showing his pick to them.

"Ah what a good choice you made," Jeongguk congratulated, ruffling his hair.

"Thank you." The boy beamed, a smile larger than he had previously shown.

"No problem." Taehyung bopped his nose.

After the shopping, Cheol took them the public fountains to fill up their flasks. Taehyung kneeled by a sink, observing from afar the way Jeongguk cleaned his wounded knee. Fondness took him over, along with an urge to run there and kiss his lover. Jeongguk was so gentle, so skilled at it, getting giggles out of the boy even in that dire situation. A new wish bloomed in Taehyung's heart. 

"Aigoo, you are so strong, Cheol," Guk was saying when Tae approached them, "I don't know if I would have kept walking around with a knee like that."

Tae held back an ironic laugh. He let Cheol drink first. The boy chugged the water down too fast, choking on the liquid. When Taehyung attempted to help with his coughs by lightly tapping his back, he screeched, jumping away.

"I'm sorry!" Tae covered his own mouth, feeling guilty. "I was only trying to help, I didn't mean to cross a line."

"No, it's not you," he hiccuped, giving the bottle back,"it's my back."

Jeongguk's face turned to marble. Taehyung remembered the threat of the woman ealier, hunger fading.

"They whipped you?" The horrified words left his mouth before he thought better.

"A couple days ago. I tried to steal some medicine," he sniffed.

"B-but, I can't understand," Guk became exasperated, "the emperor banished physical punishment."

"I don't know about that," he pouted, "they do it here."

"This is absurd!"

Cheol shuddered when he elevated his voice. Taehyung squeezed Jeongguk's shoulder. The man looked away, teeth buried into his lips.

"Cheol, who did this to you?" Tae asked, trying to remain calm.

"The guard has the whips."

Jeongguk's head was down.

"The emperor will do something about this," he guaranteed, "you won't get hurt anymore."

But the boy didn't seem to believe it. Still he didn't argue, hope, as little as it may be, was better than nothing.

The sun was setting, telling them to leave. They took Cheol home, to a hut almost on the edge of the town. Growing in his beautiful comfortable manor, he had no idea what it would be like to fit a family in such a minuscule and precarious space. He always had room for himself, for his ideas to develop. Jeongguk probably had it worse at that age. At least Cheol's family had a home. Taehyung and Jeongguk put the bags of food down.

"Come inside," he asked, tugging Jeongguk's hand. Guk exchanged a dejected glance with Tae. They didn't want to abuse their luck.

"I'm sorry, but we need to get back to our camp, Cheol," Jeongguk explained melancholic, "thank you for inviting us."

"Then tomorrow?" His doe eyes pleaded at them. "So you can play with me."

Taehyung's insides ached.

"We would love too, but tomorrow we have to leave."

Cheol sulked, face suddenly spiritless.

"But I'll be back," Jeongguk added, crouching to the level of his eyes, "with more gifts and more food, and a physician for your mother. Just wait a little and I'll be back, alright?"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise. Things will get better for you, just hang on a little longer." He squeezed his hand. "It was nice to be with you, but now you should go back your family."

Cheol nodded slowly.

"Stay safe, Cheol," Taehyung asked, playing with his earlobe.

"I will. Thank you, hyungs." He made a smal bow that had Taehyung feeling an urge to squish his cheeks. Then he turned around and opened the gate. "Mom! Come see, I brought food!"

The two of them stepped away. From afar they saw an older woman come outside, a child in her skinny arms.

"I was worried about you!" Then she saw the gifts, chin dropping. "Where did you get this?"

"I made new friends," he said excited.

Taehyung gathered himself, putting his arm around Jeongguk's waist.

"Come on, love," he whispered, "he's home now."

The two left their friend behind walking back to the woods. Tae wondered the fate that kid would have. What fates he could even have at all. Surviving was already a pretty ambitious goal. Jeongguk seemed to have the same concern, remaining quiet inside his own mind. Taehyung knew if the situation upset him, it disturbed Jeongguk more.

"You were really great with, Cheol," he complimented when they were back at the camp, sitting side by side.

Jeongguk tried to light a fire for them.

"I just acted like I did with my sister."

"Did you take care of her usually?"

"Whenever my father didn't need me to do anything else. I liked to see her laugh, it was a nice change." The flames lit up, showing his content expression. "She was the easiest person to make laugh."

Taehyung put an arm around his shoulder.

"Did you act cute for her?"

"Yes," he cackled, head falling to the side, "she liked it. She liked me to tell stories. Really liked piggybacks too."

He waited to see it Jeongguk would say anything else, but he remained silent, focused on feeding the fire.

"I loved piggybacks too, and playing catch. I was the baby so I got taken care of."

"I can take care of you," he said with a crooked grin. Tae nudged him, jokingly. "But honestly, Tae, you're a natural, you did well too."

"I wondered if," he hesitated, looking at Jeongguk from beneath his lashes, "if we could have a family someday too."

Jeongguk's expression softened.

"I would like that. Ah," he threw his head back, a full open smile surging, "I would like it so much." He tugged a hair strand behind Tae's ear. But his smile shrank. "Honestly, part of me even wanted to take Cheol."

"Oh, Gukie." Tae rubbed his neck slowly. Jeongguk sighed.

"I know he has his mom and his brother, but as long as she is sick and he needs to steal he will keep getting hurt and hungry. It pains me to leave him here in this situation."

"I know. I'm glad we were able to help, but his future worries me. No education, to perspective, he is too young to work or enlist... To think about leaving him into the soldier's hands..." Tae shook his head, disgusted at the thought someone would hurt a child. But, at least, they helped him a little. At least, he would have new clothes and a warm meal for a few days.

"I was him, Tae," he recalled with sadness, "I carry these scars, I know better than anyone how much it hurts. He doesn't deserve this, no child does. I thought things had changed, but my orders are being ignored. This is not the kingdom I wanted. There is so much wrong with it."

The scars were bleeding again. The fire reflected in his eyes.

"This is not your fault," Tae comforted, "now that you know it, you can do something about it."

"I need to be more present somehow." He was agitated, loosening his collar. "I need to know what happened in these places, what is the reality of the most vulnerable in my land.

"You are working towards the change, this is a start." Tae cupped his cheeks. "You did something good today and you know what you need to do for Cheol and this whole place. Don't lose sight of it, of your goal. Instead of torturing yourself, think of how to help. I know you can and you will accomplish great things for this land."

"You have so much faith in me," he mumbled bewildered. He still didn't seem to fully grasp or understand Taehyung's feelings.

"I know you, Jeongguk, and I know how smart, determined and capable you are. Don't let anyone say otherwise." As much as he wanted to forget about the throne, they couldn't. It was part of Jeongguk. If they oughta talk about it, then he needed to hear that. "You once said I reminded you of why you wanted power in the first place, the power to make a difference. Don't forget that, even when I'm not here."

Guk joined their foreheads.

"I won't. I will make you proud, Tae. Thank you for being by my side, always, but specially today."

"Remember to make yourself proud too. Will you really come see him again?"

Guk nodded, turning his head.

"Definitely. I need to help him."

"You have a good heart." Jeongguk snorted shy. "I mean it, Guk."

"Thank you."

Tae got up, taking the basket Jimin had prepared for them. They shared the bread and the apples in it, eating in silence.

"What do you think of a school?" Taehyung asked out of a sudden as Jeongguk sliced an apple.

The idea had popped in his mind, brought by an old childhood memory.

"A school?" Guk inquired, stopping his activity.

"Give the people free education. You could provide meals too for the period they are there. There was one in my city."

Jeongguk offered him a slice of the apple.

"Did you go?"

"When I was young." He parted another piece of bread, giving more to Jeongguk. "Then after I become an apprentice I studied exclusively with the priests at the temple."

"And was it good?"

"Yes. I just... Well, becoming a soldier seems to be the only option for the poor, doesn't it? They cannot afford tutors and they need the money. The boys in your army, the ones I see on the training center and the ones that were in battle with you, they are so young, Jeongguk."

He gulped.

"I know."

"And I know there is compensation and it is an easy and certain way to have food in your stomach, but shouldn't we offer them a choice?"

Tae took another bite, chewing as he watched Jeongguk think about his proposal.

"I think it's a good idea," the emperor concluded at last.

"Really?" Tae perked up, excited. Jeongguk nodded.

"Really. What did you learn there?"

"Languages and mathematics and the natural sciences. You could try to set one in Jinse first and offer housing to children that came from other cities. Then make more in different places."

"I like your idea, Taehyung," he praised, eating a slice of the apple, "I will start working on it as soon as we get back."

After they finished their supper, Taehyung brought one of the blankets out, stretching it on the ground for him and Jeongguk to lie on. The stars and the full mon created an spectacle he didn't want to miss. He tapped the spot on his side for the emperor to join him. Guk crawled over the blanket, and in between Taehyung's arms. The air was becoming colder, a contrast to his body.

"I sleep better hugging you," Tae inhaled him relaxed.

"This works well for me too."

For a while they enjoyed the sound of the burning bonfire, the rustling leaves and the bugs. It was a lively night. Jeongguk traced the tattoos of Taehyung's hand.

"Are you finding drawings in the sky?"

Tae grinned at his question.

"How did you know?"

"You are all concentrated." Jeongguk put his hand down. "Found any?"

"Can you see the rabbit in the moon?" Tae questioned, pointing at the glowing body.

"The what?" Guk frowned amused.

"Have you never heard of the moon rabbit before?"

Jeongguk shook his head.

"Most definitely not."

"Do you see those darker patterns? Don't they look like a rabbit?" Jeongguk squinted, looking in the direction of his pointer finger. "Legend says it can grant wishes."

"Ah! I see..." His fingertips joined his thumb in the shape of a circle. Then he raised his pointer and his pinky, making ears. Taehyung chuckled.

"Well done, what are you gonna wish for?"

Jeongguk looked over at Taehyung, an adoring beam in his lips.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"At this moment, everything is perfect." He kissed Taehyung's cheek. "What else can you see?"

Tae only wanted to gaze at him. However, he looked up at the beauty above.

"There," he pointed, tracing the lines between the seven stars in the air, "the bear."

"How do you this?" Guk turned his body completely towards him, "How can you make ordinary things so special?"

Taehyung mimicked his position.

"It was already there. I just looked with an open mind and I wanted to see it. You know, my father had beautiful star maps in his office, but he was never good at spotting the constellations. It was hyung who taught me how to do it. You just need to be willing to look, really look."

"What is your favorite constellation?" He questioned, the same curious look he had when Taehyung was teaching him about reading, eyes open wide. The answer was right there.

"Yours."

"Huh?"

"Your eyes," Tae explained, gazing into them, "they have stars. It took me a while to notice it, but now it's all I see when I look at you, Gukie." He moved his fringe away to see better. "So many of them, everyday I seem to find a new one. Your constellations are the ones I always look for most eagerly."

New bright dots burned, born that night.

"They only appear when I look at you, Tae, I'm certain. You are the one to fill everything with beauty. The beauty of your heart, of your scenery, the beauty you found in me."

"No, Gukie. I already told you, it is in you." The palm of his hand ran down the side of Jeongguk's face. "All I ever did was see and be marveled by it. That is why I can't seem to keep myself from drawing you."

"I saw your sketchbook," Jeongguk revealed sheepish, "the message you left for me. Thank you for letting me keep it."

"It has so much of you in it anyway."

"I will look for you in it as well. When my heart tightens I will think of you, Taehyung, think of this moment, of your square smile." He had a smile of his own, sketching Taehyung right there. "I will think of your pulling eyes and let the drawback take me to you. And, though it could never make justice to you, I will draw you and meet you there. I will cherish your work until you are back to reclaim it and see the drawings I made and the messages I wrote in the empty pages."

Taehyung held him tight, chin resting on his shoulder.

"I will look forward to it."

Jeongguk played with the hair at the back of his neck. Their voices were as weak as the extinguishing fire.

"When will I see you again?"

"I don't know. But you will," he promised, the other option too painful to even consider, "you will always be my reason to be back, Gukie."

"My representatives are expected to return in about three moon cycles. I don't know if you will want to return with them, or if you will even want to see me when you are back, but whenever you wish to meet again, Tae, I will welcome you with open arms."

Taehyung's mouth pressed against his skin.

"Of course I will go see you once I return, Jeongguk. Just because I cannot stay, it doesn't mean I can't ever see you again, right? Even the sun and the moon have dawn and twilight. When winter passes, spring comes again. If you will receive me, I will gladly come to you, my love."

The fire was out.

"Then I'll be waiting."

Notes:

Oof it's 6 AM here, my sleeping schedule is ruined. But it was worth it. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, it had been a while since I wrote so much fluff. It turned so much longer than I expected. I hope you enjoyed it too. Next chapter is the last one, I'm not ready to say goodbye. Please leave me comments for me to read when I wake up, thank you, love y'all, see you soon 💕

Chapter 42

They left in the morning. The sun was hidden behind grey clouds, a thin rain falling. Jeongguk prepared their horses for the journey with the help of Sunho. Taehyung crouched to admire the flowers buttons ready to bloom. Water drops stuck to the leaves, refusing to separate from them. His hair stuck to his face, made it hard to see. A stick broke besides him.

"What are you thinking of?" Jeongguk questioned as he crouched by his side.

Taehyung blinked the water away, peering at him. He wanted to preserve the last moments of that mirage.

"Just about spring coming... We have spent every season together by now."

"Which was your favorite?"

"This one."

"Really?" Guk's brows were raised in disbelief. Tae nodded, looking back to the plants.

"Yesterday I felt close to you in a new way, Guk. We have been through a harsh winter, but we learned we can survive it."

"That's true," he agreed with a content smile, "and I'm happy we survived, but I don't ever want to see our love withering again, Tae." Jeongguk brushed his hairstrands away from his eyes. "I know this winter was harsh in more ways than one, but there were good moments, right?"

He stared at Taehyung hopeful. Tae grinned, hand sliding over his thigh.

"There were, Gukie. I will definitely remember it by those."

"Are you two ready to go?" Sunho asked behind them.

Jungkook's eyes inquired Taehyung for the answer.

"Yes," Tae said, even if it wasn't true. They simply could not hide there forever.

The journey back to Jinse was uncomfortable, Taehyung's muscles ached from sleeping on the ground. The icy rain froze his skin. Leaves and branches got stuck on his hair and his horse's mane. As much as he wanted the animal to slow down, it only seemed to trot faster, shaking him out of his dream.

They arrived at Jinse later in the morning. The security on the city walls was loose, no tension they were aware off, no reason to be defensive. On the contrary. A prosperous wedding was coming, a strong alliance. A dreaded moment for the emperor and him. Jeongguk avoided the topic entirely, but it was inescapable, he would be married soon. Taehyung's stomach churned, nothing to do with the bumpy journey. He shook his head to get rid of that upsetting thought.

Upon their arrival at the stables there was nowhere else to run to. Jeongguk took off his soaked cloak, the horses were unseddled and Sunho took them away. Guk smiled at Tae, but it was not as bright as the day before, contained by the corners of his mouth. Or maybe the issue was with Taehyung's own perception.

The door to the stables was barged open. Guk stopped amid untying Taehyung's cape. Tae's heart accelerated, ringing warning bells when Jieun stepped in. He suspected her feet would either damage the ground or be demaged by it. The lady posture was cracked, revealing frustration that made her scrunch her pretty face.

"So you are back," she muttered.

Jeongguk didn't look at her, focused on untying the knot of Taehyung's cape. Tae didn't move when the heavy  fabric fell of his shoulders.

"Yes."

"And you were with him." Her disgust was hearable when she said the last word.

"Yes."

"You two..." she narrowed her eyes, teeth gritting a she debated wheter to say the next words. But the curiosity was stronger. "The rumors are true, aren't they?"

Taehyung couldn't breathe. He was about to deny it, to argue it was an innocent hunting trip, but Jeongguk went first, not even flinching.

"Yes."

Tae widened his eyes at him, but he didn't back down. Jieun's lip quivered as she shook her head. It was her turn to look away.

"I... I couldn't believe..." Her hands fell over her face, covering her mouth. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"I don't care if you know it or not, we are going to wed anyway," Jeongguk admitted pragmatic. Taehyung was baffled by his attitude. "At least this way there will be no lies and I will not need to feel guilty. Taehyung is the person I love and will always love, you must accept it."

"This cannot go on!" Jieun gasped outraged, "I am to be your wife, Jeongguk!"

Tears brimmed in her black eyes.

"I am only telling you the truth. I promised you an alliance, Jieun, at most a partnership. My feelings were never in the agreements and they are not open for discussion," he concluded. Though the tension on his neck was visible, a glint of satisfaction could be seen in his face. His hands slipped over Taehyung's. "Come on."

Tae cleared his throat. He held Jeongguk's hand, moving with him past Jieun. The corridors were empty. Jeongguk breathed fast next to him, but his smile didn't fade. Tae repeatedly, glanced at him dazed by the sudden confession. He knew Guk was in love with him. But he never expected he would announce it that way.

They made the way to their safe place. His chambers had become theirs. Guk laid on his bed with no ceremony.

"Why is it you like my room so much?" Taehyung asked amused, closing the door. He had only been to Jeongguk's bedroom three times in all their time together. "Isn't the emperor supposed to have the fanciest chambers in the palace?"

"I was happier here than in any other spot of this palace." Jeongguk pulled him down. Tae fell on top of him. "It's warm and has your scent and the walls are painted with our memories. With you."

The thought of Jeongguk coming to nuzzle his pillow, the scent fading as their memories became further in the flow of time, ached. It was a puzzling feeling. He wanted to be missed, at the same time he wished no pain for Jeongguk at all. But he had no control over it. He wouldn't even know. And to leave him to that miserable situation... At that point, he knew Jeongguk's marriage could not possibly be a happy one, plagued by mistrust and resentment. Guk deserved better than to live like that.

"Guk, what was that about?" He questioned, looking into his eyes. Jeongguk knew what he meant. "This is dangerous-"

"It was about me being tired of hiding my heart, of accommodating her, of putting you in the shadows. It is you I love, Taehyung," he declared again and it didn't matter how many times he heard it, those words would always light up Tae's chest, "wether we are together or not."

Taehyung squeezed his hand, a tad pleased with his rebel behavior, he wouldn't lie. Nevertheless, he was taunted by the fear that Jieun might not take it well. The burden of Jeongguk's rebellion would fall upon his shoulders and he had nowhere to escape to, no one to bear the weight with. Tae was taking away his source of comfort.

"I need to pack for tomorrow..." he said awkward, sitting up.

"I can help you," Guk offered promptly, "if you want help."

He truly was making an effort. Tae rested his chin over his folded knee.

"Thank you, love, that would be great."

They placed Taehyung's clothes over the bed. Some of his old pieces, some of the ones Jeongguk had provided him when they met. A strange variation of styles compared to what he used to own back at the Valley.

"This one looks great on you," Jeongguk murmured as he carefully folded a hanbok, "black suits you."

Tae put a shirt down, smiling at him.

"I will try to remember that then."

"But to be honest, you always look beautiful," his hand carefully smoothed the wrinkles of the fabric, "with your scars, with your pout, when you wake up, or go to sleep... There is no moment I wish to look away from you."

Jeongguk gazed at him, pain hiding in his eyes that tried to follow his brave smile.

"Gukie," Tae called soflty, reaching his hand out for him, "if this is difficult, you don't need to help."

Jeongguk's put the hanbok down, taking Taehyung's hand.

"It is difficult," he confessed, gulping, "but I still want to help."

"I don't want you to hurt."

"It's fine, Tae," he promised, massaging Taehyung's hand, I want to support your happiness, even when it is costly for me."

"And what of your happiness?" Taehyung inquired, pulling him closer, between his legs.

"I'm happy when I'm with you, so this is good for me."

Jeongguk scratched his head. Tae leaned it on his abdomen. What about when he wasn't there anymore?

"This one is nice too," Guk grabbed the collar of a tunic, trying to shift the mood, "seems comfortable."

"It was one of my temple garments." Tae let go of him, moving aside to release the rest of the piece from under his butt.

Jeongguk held it in front of his eyes in a study.

"I have never worn something like this."

"Try it on."

"Really?"

"Why not?" He shrugged, "I'm curious how it will look on you."

"Or you just want me to take my shirt off?" He teased, brow wiggling. Tae playfully pushed him away amid laughter. "No problem, I can do that."

He changed into the new clothes. Tae let out a chuckle. Jeoungguk raised his arms, taking a look at himself, the piece was slightly big on his shoulders, his clavicles peaked out of the loose collar, a beautiful sight. Taehyung was drawn towards him.

"I didn't expect it to look this nice on you."

"It does look good, doesn't it?" He smirked cocky. Taehyung had to agree.

"You would make the most handsome priest."

"Now you made me want to see you in a king's garment," he played with Taehyung's belt, "preferably in a throne by my side."

"And what about when the skin of my face has been marked by time and my hair has become grey?" He traced the first light wrinkles around Jeongguk's smily eyes. "And the days have stilled into routine? When all we have left to do is lie by each other, hand in hand, and rest our tired bodies." He turned Jeongguk's hands upwards, caressing the calluses over it. "Would you still want to see me then?"

Jeongguk held his face, bringing it closer to gently kiss his eyelids.

"Then I will kiss the wrinkles of your skin, like I kiss your scars, like you kiss mine. And I will run my fingers through you gray hair and I will be glad to hold your hand and lay by your side, be it for a day a season or forever, knowing I have spent my life the way I craved, next to you."

Taehyung joined their bodies in a hug so Jeongguk would not spot those silly tears that suddenly populated his eyes. Holding Jeoungguk until nature broke them apart would be a good way to spend his life. It was the way he wanted to spend it as well. He heard a low rumble that made him laugh, breaking his ponder.

"Is that your stomach?" Tae asked, still heart to heart.

"We barely ate yesterday," he justified in a poor excuse.

Taehyung only laughed more, tickling his tummy. Jeongguk whined, covering it with his hands.

"Well, lunch should be served soon I think," Tae quickly wiped his tears, glancing outside, "though it's hard to be sure with all these clouds. Maybe if the emperor asks, it can be sped up?"

"We can try."

He changed back into his usual clothes and both boys went to search for a proper meal. Luckily for them, a smell of food came from the kitchen.

A clang was heard upon their entrance. Someone dropped a spoon. Reverences were made immediately. Taehyung avoided the eyes of his fellow people. He recognized a couple of scowling faces. He missed Hoseok suddenly. His once regular presence had faded, along with their broken bond. Tae could hear his criticism. He forgot, or ignored, that his kin still lived as slaves while he slept comfortably next to Jeongguk.

"I was wondering when the food will be served," Jeongguk said, looking over at the smoky cauldrons.

"We are almost finished, your majesty," replied an older woman.

"Then if it is not too much to ask I would like to request for a meal for two to be served at the gazebo in the northern garden."

Tae raised a brow at him. He was tiptoeing over a dangerous limit. Curios eyes set on them. But no questions were asked.

"Of course, sir."

Taehyung followed him outside ashamed. He imagined what the other Shan thought seeing him with their persecutor. Probably the same as Hoseok and Dawon. Tae rubbed his elbow. As much as he tried not to give voice to it, guilt made his hunger dwindle. He quietly walked with Guk towards the garden.

"The flowers are starting to look pretty again," Jeongguk celebrated, admiring the plants. He glanced at Taehyung over his shoulder, smile fading. "What is wrong?"

Tae could not simply cover his emotions, not in front of him. He didn't want to keep swiping that matter under the rug either. Not if he planned on living the rest of his life committed to that man. Even if it would only make the clouds over them darker, he needed to share his troubles with him. He sighed, sitting at a bench, the stone cold. Jeongguk followed suit, taking the spot next to him.

"I don't want to ruin the mood, Guk, but I also don't like lying to you..." He struggled to choose the right words, breaking his own nails. "There are certain things that I had to get past to be in a relationship with you, you know that," he spotted Jeongguk shifting, "and it was my choice to be with you, baggage included. But sometimes I'm confronted with these buried feelings and memories again and reminded of just how selfish I truly am."

"You are not selfish," Jeongguk protested.

"No need to coddle me. I am selfish. I have chosen to stay ignorant to my people's grievances, but going to that kitchen I was reminded that even if I live a happy life, they are still your slaves."

Jeoungguk gulped. The force was back between them, that invisible wall. Taehyung wondered if he felt it too, growing thick whenever that aspect of their lives was touched upon. Taehyung loved Jeongguk, but love could not erase the circumstances of their meeting. The topic made the emperor as uncomfortable as it did him. Maybe it was something they could never completely surpass within themselves. But to be together they should learn to live with it.

"I know," he admitted, "and there are mistakes in the past I can never atone for."

"I don't want to bring this back between us, but-"

"But you are not selfish, Tae," he insisted, demolishing the wall when he captured Taehyung's hand, "and it understandably bothers you to see the situation of your people."

"It does. I know the choices I have made and I have forgiven you, I love you, Gukie, genuinely. But seeing them brought memories and feelings back. I don't want to make you feel bad and I know I will make myself forget it again soon enough, but I think the guilt over forgetting will always come bother me from time to time and I will have to live with it."

"And I am grateful for your forgiveness and your willingness to put this behind us, Tae, but there is a mistake I can atone for and should have a long time ago." He straightened his column, lips curving upwards. "From tomorrow on, your people will be free. I cannot take away all the slaves that are part of my man's households and I will not pretend I can, I am not in position to lose any more support, but I can do right by those under my direct control. Your people- no, actually, all of my slaves will be free to choose wether they wish to remain here as paid servants, or if they wish to return to their city of origin. And from now on no more slaves will be taken."

Tae beamed with a mixture of relief and pride inflated inside of him. He looked at Jeongguk overwhelmed by love. Nothing he wanted more than to be closer to him.

"We can do this later, love," Jeongguk whispered when Tae began to lean in, smiling at him softly.

Taehyung chuckled, distancing himself, only physically.

"Thank you." He squeezed Jeongguk's hand before breaking the contact. "From the bottom of my heart."

"No need to thank me, this is the right thing to do, and, like I said, something I should have done a long time ago."

"But still," Taehyung's body was fully turned his way, taking a long look at the man by his side who had grown into his heart slowly, but surely, making it his own, "I'm proud of you for doing it."

Guk's smile became larger. He plucked a small flower of a bush and twirled it around his fingers.

"You really inspire me to be braver, Tae, to be better."

He offered him the flower. Taehyung accepted the small present. Before he could reply they saw servants approach, platters in their hands with their food.

Jeongguk led him to the pretty gazebo, a table on the center of it. The servants finished setting it for them. Then, to their surprise, they were all dismissed. Guk took it upon himself to serve their food.

"What an honor to have the emperor serving me," Tae quipped, face leaning on his hand as he observed the way he worked diligently.

"This a Taehyung and Jeongguk only day," Guk explained, happily pouring tea into Taehyung's cup, "so I hope you are enjoying it."

Tae laughed through his nose.

"Thank you, I thoroughly am." He warmed his hands on the cup. "This place is pretty, you should use it more."

"Without you it won't be as appealing."

"Once I'm back then," Tae suggested.

Jeongguk set the kettle down, nodding at him over the vapor.

"Once you are back."

They began to eat while their meal was still hot. Rain started to fall again, the sun hid in that gazebo with him. Taehyung enjoyed his faithful companion, the monotone sound of the drops, the flavors of his food. He blowed the noddles for Jeongguk, offering him his own. Guk returned the care, taking meat of his plate to put it in Taehyung's.

"Stop giving me all your meat, Guk-ah! How are you supposed to grow all these muscles if you give me it all?" Tae lectured playful, putting it back on his bowl.

"You should eat it," he stubbornly returned it to Taehyung, "you have a big journey tomorrow, you need to be strong."

"I'm fine. I will only be in a boat anyways, no effort."

Taehyung raised his chopsticks, but Guk waved his hand, in a prompt denial.

"I'm full just watching you eat. Really, I want you to have it."

Tae rolled his eyes, knowing it would be useless to argue. He gave in and ate the chicken, Jeongguk grinning satisfied at the sight.

"You are impossible," Tae mumbled, mouth stuffed, "happy?"

"Your wellbeing matters the most to me, Tae."

The sound of water splashing disturbed their peaceful island.

"Jeongguk-ah!" Yoongi ran towards them. Jeongguk put his tea down, peering at the wet figure that walked under the protection of the gazebo. "I have been searching every corner for you-"

"Because I didn't want to be found. What is it, hyung?" He continued to eat calmly. But Yoongi's fiery eyes under his soaked hair didn't let Taehyung relax.

"Jieun's advisors are demanding a meeting, and it seems they have called in the council."

Jeongguk's became rigid, kimchi midway to his mouth. Tae perched up, blood rushing fast impelling him to act against that signal of danger.

"Can they do that?" He inquired.

"I don't think they care what they can or cannot do anymore. They seem desperate. Jeongguk-"

"I know," he grunted, setting his chopsticks down. He wiped his mouth, standing up. Jeongguk thinned his lips, taking one last look at Taehyung, "I'm sorry for interrupting our day like this. I will get back to you soon, Tae."

Taehyung sat paralyzed as the two of them rushed away under the water curtain. Thunders echoed in his ears. Jeongguk's food was left half-eaten in his plate. Their time was always limited. He swallowed his fears along with the cold tea. His mind accompanied the other two men as he tapped the porcelain cup. Surely Jieun was doing something to disturb Jeongguk's happiness. There was no reason for her to call that meeting, if not as a response to their conversation earlier. He had seen her expression when Jeongguk confessed his feelings, the way her eyes became sharp. They had offended her. She was not going to peacefully accept her fantasies getting ruined.

The doors of the great hall were already closed. Tae could not resisting sneaking there to check. He spotted Jimin at the familiar spot with his ear glued to the wood to hear. His eyes met Taehyung's when he approached. The smaller boy immediately straightened his back, going to him.

"I don't think you should be here."

Tae ignored the advice, trying to go closer. Jimin stopped him, hand placed on his chest.

"What is happening?" Taehyung inquired impatient. "Could you hear it?"

"It's a bit of a commotion, people speaking at the same time."

"Maybe we can-"

"Tae, I really don't think you should be here," he insisted, "you know how they feel about you and, whatever it is, it seems serious."

Taehyung stepped back, wetting his lips. He didn't want to start petty arguments, specially being in the wrong.

"She knows about us, Jimin," he confided, the more he thought about it, the more uneasy he grew.

Jimin folded his arms, teeth buried into his lips.

"I thought she had suspicions. She was pretty adamant on seeing Jeongguk last night."

"What did you tell her?"

"That he was on a hunting trip. She questioned whether you went with him. We denied, of course, but she was awfully upset at the thought," he shook his head lightly, "I think she does have feelings for Jeongguk."

"She does," Tae confirmed, scowling at her idea of what love was, "but she doesn't understand genuine, selfless affection. Guk needs to have his freedom, this wedding is not even real."

Jimin shrugged.

"It doesn't seem to matter to her. She is a princess, Taehyung, I don't think she is used to hearing 'no'."

"Do you think she could have people on the look out for us?" Tae asked, putting pieces together. "As soon as we were on the stables she came to meet us."

"I honestly think it is likely she did. I have seen her people wandering around a lot. She would want to be the first to know when Jeongguk was back."

"This is becoming more complicated by the day." He bit his nails, a worried crease between his brows. "What do you think she wants with this meeting?"

Jimin took his hand down from his mouth, holding it.

"I think we better simply wait to find out." He started walking, pulling Tae along. "Let's stay in the hallways, we can still hear it once they come out."

There was nothing he could do to help anyway. Tae pursed his lips to hold in a sigh. Jimin led him to the side corridor.

"How was your getaway?"

Taehyung smiled involuntarily, taking the opportunity to focus on something more pleasant.

"It was great... Perfect really." The newly made memories were a blanket over his shivers. "He did his best to make it wonderful, Jimin, and I saw how it could work if we had the freedom to just leave this place and be together somewhere else. We made plans for the future, even if we have no idea what our future will be like. But it felt nice to have hope. I have so much hope when I'm with him."

"That's good, Tae," Jimin delicately stroked his arm.

"But it's just hope, no certainty."

"For now."

"We have a long way to go until that. We won't even see each other for a while," Taehyung reminded, a little somber by the realization.

"Right..." Jimin's lips thinned for a moment. "Well, how are you feeling about that? Are you excited to travel?"

Tae stared at the tapestry on the wall, a pattern he wasn't familiar with.

"I am excited for the new experience," he said sincerely, "and I think it will be good for me, but I wish I could also help him. I am leaving right when he is going through such a troubled moment."

"He will not be alone," Jimin calmed him, "Yoongi and I are practically his flesh and blood, we will support him."

"I know, but I wanted to be here and give him strength."

"You both are strong enough on your own."

"And that is it, isn't it?" Tae muttered, back against the wall. "We will be on our own."

"Ah," Jimin had a small knowing grin, "I see." Tae peaked at him from beneath his hair. Jimin stood next to him, also looking at the tapestry. "This will still be your home, Tae. I cannot give you any other assurances for the future, but as long as there are people who love you, you are not alone. Jeongguk... I know him and he won't forget you. He loves you, Taehyung, deeply. He will be waiting for you to return," he smiled at Taehyung with his mouth and eyes, "and me too. I will miss you a lot, you know? And if you want to write and visit, it will bring me great joy."

Taehyung put his arms around his shoulders, head bopping his.

"I'll miss you too, Jimin-ssi. Thank you, truly, for everything you did for me and for Jeongguk."

Jimin waved his hand to stop him, with fake sheepishness.

"No. I did nothing."

"You did a lot. Honestly, you helped me heal."

Taehyung thought back to their friendship, how much Jimin had been a rock for him to lean on. He hugged him tighter. Jimin rubbed his back.

"I am grateful to have met you, Tae, and that Jeongguk met you."

"Please take care of him," Tae requested anguished, "don't let him close off."

Jimin placed his fist over his heart.

"I will do my absolute best for him," he promised and Taehyung knew his loyalty was genuine. Then Jimin relaxed, smiling playful. "And, as reward, I ask you to bring me a gift from the south."

Taehyung lightened up, agreeing promptly.

"Of course. What do you want?"

"Something pretty-"

Doors opened nearby, cutting their conversation short. The sound propelled Taehyung to move towards it. Jeongguk stormed into the hallways that led to his chambers. Taehyung was pulled in his direction. He knew where he was headed.

A frustrated Jeongguk was coming out of his empty bedroom when Taehyung got to him. His eyes widened when they almost collided.

"I thought you would have come back here."

"I wanted to be as close as I could," he explained breathless, the food not sitting right in his stomach upon seeing the defeated look on Guk's face, "I wanted to be near if you needed me." Jeongguk bit his thumb, eyeballs moved around, disoriented. Taehyung gently pushed him back inside. Tension made his lowered shoulders rigid. Tae passed his arms around his waist in an instinctive movement. "Talk to me, Gukie."

The rapid beat of Jeongguk's heart matched Taehyung's and the rhythm with which his lungs pumped air. Yet Tae remained steady, holding him upright amidst the tremors.

"I'm tired."

Taehyung lightly pressed his lips on the back of his neck.

"I know."

"She told them I ran away, Tae, that I made an irresponsible trip and put myself, the kingdom, and the alliance at risk," his voice was bitter, "as you can imagine, most of the council was against me for being impulsive and reckless."

"You are sacrificing your happiness for your empire," Tae argued irritated, "what more do they want?"

Jeongguk's head fell downwards. Taehyung pulled him back towards the embrace.

"Her counselors said that if I am to marry Jieun my erratic behavior cannot go on, I need to comit. So they gave me until tomorrow morning to hand them Bogum and sign the marriage documents or else they will leave."

"They cannot intimidate you like this," Tae complained, voice going lower as he shared Jeongguk's anger, "clearly, they are afraid you will change your mind and began to rush you, Jeongguk, this only shows that the power here is actually yours. Maybe if you explain to the council all that  Bogum did-"

"I did!" He groaned, pressing the bridge of his nose. "I told them all about the letter you found, about what he himself told me, his attempt to run away and frame you. The soldiers there even confirmed it, but the majority of the council says this alliance is the priority. All they care about is Tanrong's riches and strengthening our army."

Taehyung's teeth dug into his lips. He silently cursed at their greed that would once more cost Jeongguk his ideals. His own impotence to be of aid in that tricky situation frustarted him further. The decision laid exclusively in Guk's shaky hands, hands that would soon be too far for him to hold.

"What will you do?" He asked the anguished man.

"What can I do?" Jeongguk rubbed his eyes roughly, the corneas red once they opened again. "Today, tomorrow or the day after, my fate won't change."

"I thought you didn't believe in fate."

Jeongguk sighed, scratching his brow.

"At this point, I might. I am a prisoner anyway. Everyone gets to live as they please, except for me. I am the emperor, but I have no voice. Yet I can't simply turn away and run with you, as much as I want to. I cannot doom my people to war because of my desires."

"It is your responsibility, but also your life, Jeongguk," Tae reminded, the other's anguish becoming his, "can you live this way? You never ran away from a fight, and you were willing to die for your people, that is noble, but killing your values and dreams will take you back to the point you were when we met, allowing what you disagree with to happen for the sake of a supposed greater good that you have lost sight of. I don't want to see you miserable or ashamed."

Jeongguk chewed on his cheek, shaking his head in a self disapproval.

"I made a coward choice. I am still not the man I wished to be. And I don't know how to be better, my best actions don't seem to be enough."

Taehyung approached the hunched man, knuckles grazing his cheek.

"Perhaps it is time you stop arguing with dissonant voices and hear yourself, Jeongguk."

Guk peered at him, the usual love and admiration in his expression, contradicted by a small sulk in his lips.

"You always ask too much of me. Did I already tell you that?"

Taehyung picked his earlobe between his thumb and his finger, tugging it mischievously.

"I think you might have. And I think I said it is because I believe in you."

Taehyung opened his arms, calling him home. Jeongguk accepted the invitation and rested his weight on Taehyung.

"I could use some of that faith."

Tae's lips made the way from his cheeks, down to his mouth. He swayed their bodies, clutching him safe. Jeongguk held onto to his torso tightly enough to make breathing difficult, but Taehyung didn't feel any discomfort.

"If..." Guk whispered against his neck, "If I gave up on the wedding, would that make you want to stay?"

Tae loosened his own embrace. His pome shifted in a gulp that got Jeongguk moving back. He regretted not being more careful with his reaction once he viewed the plead in those black dots. Tae opened and closed his mouth again, deviated from his stare that carried so many expectations. He had it clear in his mind why he was going to embark on that ship. Jeongguk and the wedding were propellers, but his own engine laid beneath it. He gained the courage to face his hopeful lover.

"No," he answered at last with a bit of grief at the way Jeongguk's mouth curved downwards, "as much as I love you, Jeongguk, I cannot feel like loving you is all of my life. I already told you this. I need to see who I am when I'm on my own. I have always been curious to see what lays beyond the mountains of my city and Jinse's walls, and for a long time I couldn't decide my fate, but now I can, I want to know what that is like." Jeongguk's lips faded into a line. He nodded at his feet. Taehyung wished he could take his pain away without needing to compromise his plans. Loving him was a dance in the dark, no idea of direction, stepping on each others's toes, losing track of the partner or the moves they were supposed to make. But he didn't want the music to stop. There was a twinge in Taehyung's heart, a particular pain, name and face to it. "I'm sorry, Gukie, if my answer hurts you. It is the last thing I want."

"I am not upset," he murmured, trying to force a smile, "it hurts, but I understand. More than anything, I envy you."

Taehyung cupped his face.

"I want you to make a choice, like I am making mine. If you decide to stand against Tanrong, to cancel the wedding and punish Bogum, to do things the way your heart tells you, I want you to do it for yourself, Jeongguk, because you want it and believe it to be the right choice, not for me."

Jeongguk held his hands, bringing them down.

"I'm happy you are choosing for yourself, Tae." He changed the subject, fingers lacing with his. "You should do what is best for you. And when you come back, when we are together again, I want it to be because you chose to as well, not because we believe we must stay, because we are afraid, because we can't imagine another option. I have my choice clear. And I will wait for you to make yours."

Taehyung's fringe tangled with Jeongguk's. The tip of their noses brushed in a breath of anticipation before Jeongguk's mouth melted onto his. Tae stumbled with him and gently laid him down. Jeongguk gripped his hips, pulling Taehyung on top of him. Tae allowed, not breaking apart even an inch. He wanted to be one with him in every sense. Jeongguk marked his body and soul. Taehyung did the same. There was only one name he wanted to call in his life. No voice would sound as beautiful whispering his.

"Taehyung," Jeongguk called again in that husky voice he only used with him. He grazed Taehyung's cheeks, his touch created sparks on his skin, reminiscent of the scorching fire that had been ignited between them. As they settled into each other's arms, breaths normalizing, the flame was still ablaze. Even when it burned slower nothing could ever really put it out, they didn't need to worry about that.

"What?" Tae asked almost voiceless, staring into his eyes,

Guk shook his head, a little dazed. He pecked the corner of Taehyung's mouth. He treated his body with the utmost care. Taehyung did not feel fragile, but valued, like a rare flower.

"I just like your name. I will keep calling even when you're away. Taehyung. I will call and hope you hear it and know I am missing you."

Tae rolled over to Jeongguk's side; Jeongguk responded by rolling closer to him, big eyes needy, making Tae giggle.  He brought Guk's head over to his torax to play with his locks. His naked feet warmed his under the sheets, bumped against them.

"I will. And I hope you can hear me answer you, Jeonggukie, telling you I'll be home soon."

The room grew progressively darker, shades of orange coming in through the window, tanning Jeongguk's skin. Tae thought he had fallen asleep until he spoke again.

"I have been thinking about what we discussed yesterday," Guk revealed, shifting to look at him, "about your school idea and the need for a closer contact with my people."

His hair was up after Tae had messed with it. Tae brushed it down, making a study of his content expression.

"Do you still think it is a good idea?"

Jeongguk slithered up, coming almost face to face with him.

"I do. So much so that want to begin working on it as soon as possible. I am considering raising Sunho's ranking to help me, I need people I can trust around me."

"It sounds good to me," Taehyung cheered, proud that Jeongguk was putting their thoughts into action, "Jimin will probably want to help too."

"Probably. I thought about contacting scholars of other kingdoms too, we always make deals about war and commerce, but not cultural exchange - which is silly now that I think about it. It could be so enriching. And..." Jeongguk's wet his lips, leaving them parted as he concluded his line of thought, "And I thought about you."

"What about me?"

"I wondered if you would like to work as a royal emissary, similarly to Bogum. I thought you could travel around this land, identify its illnesses and help me treat them. Or if you want to take care of matters abroad as well, you can. It's your choice."

Taehyung grimaced, half expecting it to be a joke, but Jeongguk was serious. There was a certain nervousness behind his hesitant smile that he hadn't seen in a while. A boyish excitement mixed to fear. The look he used to show when their relationship was first blossoming and he was afraid anything would drive Taehyung away.

"Is this a genuine offer?"

"Yes," he confirmed a little puzzled, "I wouldn't joke over such thing. I need someone I can trust and who cares about the people to reveal the issues they face and orientate the investments."

"But you want that person to be me?"

A tiny crease appeared on Jeongguk's forehead.

"Yes, you. Why not?"

"I am not qualified," Tae reminded him of the obvious. Jeongguk's crease turned into a frown.

"How so? You are smart, educated," he raised his fingers counting, "outspoken, loyal, diligent, kind, you know how to charm people, and how to stand your ground. Anything you lack, I'm sure you can learn it."

"Now you are just being a flatterer," Tae pinched his cheek lightly.

"I am telling the truth," he insisted with a small chuckle, delicately moving Tae's hand away, "honestly, you are the person I trust and admire most. And you grew up surrounded by politics already."

"But my brother was the politician, not me." And there was a very clear distinction between the two of them. "I am not fit for such an important role."

"You have much potential for it."

Jeongguk's smile was too eager for him not to suspect. Taehyung raised a brow.

"And it would keep us connected?"

Guk putsed his lips, looking away for a moment.

"Well yes, but this is not why I am making the offer."

"Gukie, come on," Tae raised a brow, "I don't want you to give me a position like this just because you love me. I told you I will come see you again anyways."

"Why can't you believe I truly do consider you capable?" Jeongguk inquired, brows lowering over his focused gaze. Tae laid back, avoiding the look. "You would do a brilliant work, Tae. You share and believe the vision I have for my empire. You understand people and their needs, you handle them well, you are not afraid to experience the new and different. You would get to see the world. And, yes, I would get to see you. But even if you told me you want to live outside Jinse and only meet me for official purposes, I would still offer you this position. That is how much I trust and value your opinion."

Taehyung searched for something in his expression that denied his words, but there was nothing. Jeongguk really did want him to do it. It made him proud of himself, but as much trust there was in the other's eyes, he felt he didn't earn it.

"I'm a little overwhelmed," he admitted, "I never... No one ever saw so much value in me in my city, except for my brother and, at times, Hoseok hyung, you know this. I was an apprentice to be a follower, to live stuck in the temple. And now you want me to take such an important responsibility..."

"You have so much to offer, Taehyung," he encouraged, pulling Tae close by the waist, "it saddens me anyone ever made you doubt that. I know it is intimidating, but think on it, at least? I don't need an answer soon. It's just something I thought of. The projects to better the empire will go forwards anyways, but I would love it if you were an active part of them, they are heavily credited to you after all."

Right, he was already taking a stand. Aiding into the developing of a state project was something he would never get to do before. Tae was already proving himself more capable than most people ever thought he was. And Guk thought he could go even further. He had a small smile.

"I will think on it, promise."

"Alright."

"Thank you for offering, Gukie," he kissed his cheek, "it means a lot."

"You mean a lot to me. And not only romantically, but as someone I admire and respect, that pushes me to do better, to live in a way I can be proud of." Jeongguk beamed, tucking a strand of Taehyung's dark hair behind his ear. "I have always been a survivor, but loving you, Kim Taehyung, made me alive. You made me begin, and just being looked at the way you look at me feels like a miracle."

Taehyung caressed his lips, smiling as well.

"How do I look at you?"

"Like I am so much better than I am. Like you would still accept me even if it turns out I am not all you dreamed of."

"Nothing I ever dreamed compared to all I feel in this moment, looking at you, touching you, listening to you. I love all of you, Jeon Jeongguk," he voiced his heart against Guk's lips, "and that will never change."

Taehyung rested in the crook of his neck. Tomorrow could wait. It was. Taehyung and Jeongguk only night as well.

Darkness reined. Taehyung's mouth still left pecks on Jeongguk's clavicle. A small snore filled the room. Even that sound he would miss. He didn't know how much time they had left. Even if the moon outside urged him to, Tae refused to sleep. He didn't want to waste what would be his last night with Jeongguk in a while. Guk had doozed off as they had unimportant conversations about topics they lost track off, saying anything to stay awake. But Taehyung didn't mind his slumber, tracing that eternized face. Their goodbye had been long, both men had the time to work through their feelings, to get used to the idea of separation, to support each other's choices. Yet as the night passed, pushing them closer to their parting, Tae realized he was not as ready as he thought.

He was not ready because that was Jeongguk who made flowers bloom on what Taehyung believed to be barren soil. Jeongguk whose smell of the sea and herbs had rubbed off on him, become part of his skin. Water soaked his pillow, air not passing through the lump in his throat. He covered his mouth, moving away to not disturb his sleep.

Tae picked his clothes, lousily dressing himself a he stumbled to the balcony. He sat on the cold with his head between his knees.

He was about to leave what he had of most precious. Maybe he was on the verge of making a mistake. It would not be his first. Taehyung only strayed to get lost. He remembered the forest closing on his childish, lonely self as he cried for someone to come, he remembered his father's yells. And Namjoon, always wise Namjoon, telling him to be more careful.

"You might end up too far from home on one of these wild chases."

He was about to. And what home would he have to get back to? Realistically thinking, there was nothing certain about their future. Taehyung couldn't live in the shadow of his spouse. But he didn't want to be without Jeongguk either. His life was hoping, waiting, longing to live by his side. They would have to learn to be a little hungry, to make it work with whatever time they got. They collided, but they couldn't stay as one.

The solution was right there. If he stopped being scared and accepted Jeongguk's offer they could find an special balance within which to live. Independent, but still together. Jeongguk had made his choice, he had always been quicker and more earnest about his feelings. He wanted Taehyung to be part of his life in any possible way. But Taehyung's lack of faith in himself didn't allow him to step forward. A lack of confidence that Jeongguk would still want him to do it once he got back as promised.

"Cannot sleep?"

He gasped when he heard his voice. Guk was behind him wrapped in a blanket, hand lazily scratching his semi-open lids. Taehyung's concerns gave way for a smile. He reached his hand out for him, calling him to his side.

"No."

"Me neither."

Jeongguk sat by him, arm supporting his back.

"I think I heard you snoring," Tae mocked as he laid his head on his shoulder.

"No, I was awake," Jeongguk yawned, "I was listening to you."

"Sure."

"I noticed you walking away and I got worried. What is troubling your bright mind?"

Jeongguk's fingers threaded his hair. Taehyung enjoyed the familiar comfort of his touch.

"Tomorrow."

"Is the moment not enough to you?" Jeongguk inquired.

"It should be," Tae reckoned, "I want it to be."

He fidgeted with the soft blanket wrapped around Guk's body.

"Why are you afraid of the future, Tae?"

"This time tomorrow I will be alone. I keep thinking of your proposal and what you see in me... I want to set my own fate, but I am afraid I am making a bad choice. Whenever I decided for myself as a kid, I got into trouble. I'm afraid I might be biting more than I can chew."

"You are not a kid anymore, Tae. You are the brightest, most fascinating, resilient and resourceful person I have met in my life. And don't dismiss it as flattery again," he ordered lighthearted, raising his finger to shush the words Tae didn't speak, "you can hold the world in the palm of your hand if you want to. You don't need me, Tae, or anyone else. But I want you want me." His hand slipped down Taehyung's jaw, raising it so their eyes met. "To be wanted by someone as wonderful as you is an honor and a joy to me. You are more than capable to decide for yourself, love, and you can walk a great path."

"I don't want to loose you," Tae murmured, tears streaming down, falling onto him.

"You think it is that simple to get rid of Jeon Jeongguk?" Guk quipped, kissing his nose. "An ocean or a continent away, I am yours."

"I don't know when we will meet again, Gukie, what it will be like then. Your life will halt at this point for me and I will only be able to imagine what you are living. I cannot ask you to halt for me," he choked out, "if you get tired of waiting, if you wish to forget me, if your feelings change, please follow your heart. I want you to be happy."

Jeongguk tenderly held his face in his rough hands.

"My love is not weak to cower at any small challenge. Be it today, tomorrow, or in another form of life as legend says," he proclaimed dramatic, a wide smile in his face lit by the moon, "it is you, Taehyung. I will wait." His lips grazed Tae's, getting wet in his tears. Then he distanced, hands sliding off. "But now, since you did it, I must say the same."

"Gukie, no-"

Jeongguk raised his hand asking to speak.

"Only come back to me if and when you are ready and want to," he blurted out, "as much as it pains me to think you might not be with me, it pains me more to think you could be depriving yourself of greater happiness by being with me."

"Gods," Taehyung mused, shaking his head, "you are clueless."

"Tae," he whined, lightly elbowing him. Tae hugged his neck.

"You are my greatest happiness, Gukie," he confessed joyous, "and that is why I will come back to you."

Jeongguk hugged him back, pecking his forehead.

"Good to hear that. We will find a way to be together and happy, love, I know we will."

Tae knew the way. Whatever it took, he needed to try.

"I will be an emissary , Guk," he decided, the choice obvious when he vocalized it, "it would honor me to help your empire improve and flourish, to work by your side towards our goals. It is a way for us. I can feel useful and explore the world, I will have something else to focus on when we cannot be together, but there will also be moments with you to look forward to."

"Our empire," he corrected, grinning, "it is as much mine as it is yours, Tae"

"Our empire."

Jeongguk pulled Taehyung's legs over his, fingers pressing gently near his knees.

"I am overjoyed you accepted my offer, Tae. I really can't think of anyone better than you to do this. And I promise I will make our time together worth it whenever you are with me."

"I know it will be worth it. But there is something else, Guk..." Jeongguk inclined forward ready to hear, "I don't want to live in the palace when I'm in Jinse. Being here with your spouse will be too uncomfortable for me. And it doesn't feel like a home, except when I'm with you. If it is not too much to ask, I would like to have a house to stay at."

"Of course," Jeongguk agreed immediately, "I will arrange it, anything you need. But will I be able to visit it?" He asked cutely.

"It will be our home." Tae laid his forehead over his shoulder. "As far as I may go, I will always make my way back to you."

Jeongguk's clutched him, making a pillow out of his chest for Taehyung to rest on. His humming was the last sound Tae heard before falling asleep against his will.

A heavy weight was set over his thighs. Kisses pestered him. He woke up with Jeongguk kneeled over him. Taehyung tapped his bum weakly.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you to pay your dues."

Tae frowned, blinking his hazy eyes.

"Hm?"

"I sat in that cold balcony for you to fall asleep last night. I believe it warrants some gratification?"

Tae snorted. He gripped his hair and brought him down for a proper kiss, tongue sliding over his. When he felt Jeongguk becoming mushy, he pushed him aside, laughing at his annoyed cries.

"We need to get up, love."

It was as decisive morning for both. Jeongguk complained, but time was a luxury they couldn't have until he fulfilled his duties.

They got dressed in silence, helping one another with the garment. After they left that room things would change. Jeongguk's eyes were turve as Tae fixed his collar.

"You are beautiful," Taehyung sighed adoring, hands running down Guk's chest.

"Then kiss me," he requested, the previous playful tone was gone, replaced by earnest desire.

His eyes had changed too. Jeongguk's stars glowed intensely, surprised Taehyung, allured him closer. That was immutable. Tae obeyed, giving himself to him whole, no hesitation. Their dance had been perfected, mouths in synchrony. Jeongguk's tears were his. They shared the dwindling air. As Jeongguk held him harder, Tae forgot he needed to breathe. In that moment, he only needed Jeongguk. Taehyung's limbs stopped functioning. He trusted Jeongguk to not let him fall.

"I will miss you." Guk's pained hushed words were his as well. His arms held Taehyung in place.

"We still have time," Tae remind them both, drying his tears, "after you are done with Jieun we can be together for a little bit longer, we can go to the harbor together. And... We have all life right?"

Jeongguk smiled with sadness, nodding.

"I would like that." He inhaled his hair, holding his emotions in. Not enough time passed before he had to let the wavering Tae go.

And as if on cue, Yoongi was already at their door to make sure Jeongguk would not get too comfortable and forget his responsibilities. Taehyung didn't look at him, grazing his own tingling lips where he could still feel Jeongguk's. His thirst had taken Taehyung by surprise. But it was not only desire, or love, like he was used to. The strength with which he pressed Taehyung against his body was a direct response to the demand to let go. It was an anticipation of the longing that was coming.

"Jieun's counselors are waiting for you," the general informed, "are you ready?"

"My mind is made up," Jeongguk assured.

"You are doing the right thing."

On a whim Taehyung moved along with the two of them. An urge to be close to Guk overcame him. He needed to be near, to be behind his back and catch him if he tripped. Releasing Bogum would kill part of him and Taehyung couldn't let him go through it alone. With his hold, Jeongguk had mutely asked him to come.

"Where do you think you are going?" Yoongi frowned, raising his hand to stop Tae.

Both of the other men stared at him.

"To support the emperor," Tae said nonchalant.

He saw Jeongguk grin. But the general grimaced.

"You-"

"It will be just a couple of her soldiers and us," Jeongguk interceded, "can't Tae go? I would appreciate the support and company in such time.

"Jeongguk-"

"Please, hyung."

Yoongi rolled his eyes.

"Stay behind me then, and don't make a sound."

Maybe Yoongi felt sorry, knowing their time was scarce. Whatever it was, Tae was glad for it. Three of Jieun's men awaited by the entrance of the dungeons already when they got there. There were no words exchanged, only unfriendly glances. Jeongguk led the way. Taehyung sneaked behind, the place making him uncomfortable.

The two soldiers that guarded the roll of cells had an ominous look, probably aware of what that visit meant. They stood from their seats to make a reverence that Jeongguk dismissed, focused.

"Take us to Park Bogum," he ordered.

Taehyung walked closely behind Yoongi, the hard stares of Jieun's soldiers taunting him, adding to his discomfort. Bad memories surfaced in that space, the air was hard to breathe. Still, when Jeongguk nervously searched for him, he smiled encouraging.

The group crowded around the cell. Tae could barely see the prisoner from behind Jeongguk in his position.

"Took you long enough," Bogum chittered.

"Were you scared?" Jeongguk inquired snarky.

"I knew you would release me."

Jeongguk's face was downcast, hand gripping the handle of his sword. Bogum stood up, becoming visible. He dusted his clothes off, elegant posture back. Taehyung trembled with anger seeing his cocky smirk, nails diggin at his palm.

"Open it," Jeongguk told the guard that fumbled with the set of keys.

The soldier obeyed, pursed lips as he turned the key. The noise of it opening was an omen.

There was a flash, the light of the torches reflected on the metal. A grunt and the sound of sliced flesh. Taehyung's heart jumped over to his mouth, recognizing it. Blood pooled on the ground beneath them. Bogum was hunched over Jeongguk. No. Not over Jeongguk. Over his sword.

Before Tae processed the event, every other blade around was pulled out. Jieun's men pointed theirs towards the emperor. Taehyung acted impulsively upon that threat, shielding Jeongguk with his body. Yoongi immediately shoved him back, creating a barrier between the enemies and his kings. The other two guards on their side followed.

"This was not the deal!" One of the Tanrong warriors yelled, nostrils flaring.

"What are you doing, you idiot?" Yoongi scolded through his teeth.

Jeongguk kicked the staggering Bogum back inside the cell.

"The deal is off."

"Jeon Jeongguk!" One of them snarled, foot stomping. "Once more you act recklessly! We demand you give us the prisoner now or the marriage will be called off!"

Jeongguk closed the cell door after getting in. He walked towards the injured man who laid back against the dirty floor, hands uselessly trying to stop the bleeding. Taehyung saw fear in Bogum's eyes for the first time.

"Your demands or threats mean nothing to me," Jeongguk retorted, cleaning the blood of his sword on Bogum's clothes.

"Do something!" Bogum screeched at the Tanrong men.

The one who seemed to be the leader, licked his lips, eyes speeding over every person presente and back to Jeongguk.

"Are you sure of that, Jeon? If you do not hand Park Bogum to us, we will not allow the wedding to happen, the alliance will not hold," he warned, swallowing dry.

Jeongguk shrugged to Taehyung's amazement.

"So be it. Giving him to you is out of question."

"Jeon Jeongguk," Yoongi censured, not looking away from the other soldiers. Tae wished he would simply trust the emperor. Though he himself was at loss at the turn of events, he knew Jeongguk was smart. As impulsive as he could be, he was also diligent, and very much worried about the impact of his actions. Whatever game he was playing, Tae had faith he knew the rules and how to win.

Jeongguk crouched next to Bogum. Bogum's fist swayed at him, but he avoided it easily. The traitor let out a pain yelp, rolling to his side.

"He will die," one of the soldiers told the leader, an underlying suggestion in his tone and face. Taehyung's eyes narrowed.

"If a wound like this goes untreated he most definitely will," Jeongguk agreed, poking Bogum, who cursed, "we do have a skilled physician in the court though, If I call her now, he can make out of this alive, I'm sure."

"Where do you want to get?" The leader of the other side inquired impatient.

"I'm tired of your demands," Jeongguk explained, standing straight again, "I don't want to pardon this traitor's crimes and let him walk free towards a good life as you tell me to. So we have reached an deadlock. Here is my proposal to solve it: we settle this quarrel by letting him die, Jieun and I marry and the alliance is established."

"You think you are in position to be defiant?"

Taehyung spotted Jeongguk's shaky fist behind his back, the only visible trace of his conflicted
emotions.

"I am the emperor of Jinse and every piece of land from the Ahreum valley, up until the western ridge, so, yes, I think I am. If you don't like my proposal you can leave and I will call my physician to make sure Bogum gets a few more seasons to rot in this cell. So, tell me should I or should I not call her?"

Taehyung studied him intrigued. That was not the vulnerable Jeongguk of his chambers. Even if inside there was turmoil, his armory was polished, sustaining any blow. His stare pierced his rivals, who exchanged concerned looks amongst each other. Jeongguk's soldiers remained alert.

"You need the alliance," one of the Tanrong men said, "if you give him to us we will forget about this and go on as planned."

"Mingyu," Jeongguk turned to one of his soldiers, "you can call Sora. And then please ask the servants at the stables to prepare Tanrong's horses and chariots for their return journey."

The boy named Mingyu bowed, stepping out of his defensive postion.

"Yes, your majesty."

"Aish," the leader cursed when Mingyu turned to leave, "fine, let him die! We will go forward with the wedding anyway."

And even if Jeongguk got what he wanted, Taehyung was angry. Those peopled exploited Jeongguk's weaknesses, hi need for that alliance, manipulated and threatened him, only to put their tails between their legs, all bark and no bite when confronted. He was glad they had given in, but at the same it showed all the struggle they put Jeongguk through was avoidable, a mere whim. Bogum was angry too, glaring daggers at them.

"You traitorous pigs!"

"It is not a nice feeling, is it?" Jeongguk mocked.

"Let us settle this quarrel, Jeon Jeongguk," the Tanrong soldier ignored Bogum's reaction, "we can finish him off for you as an apology for offending your sovereignty. His majesty should go clean up."

They stepped forward, but Jeongguk's soldiers didn't backdown. The walls of the already constricted place were closing on them.

"You are mad," Bogum grumbled, struggling to breathe, "you cannot do things this way, Jeon, I should have a trial. The council will not accept this."

"You know they will," Jeongguk said trying to keep the calm demeanor, "our alliance with Tanrong will be established and we both know that is all that truly matters to them. All ends well. And I have nothing to lose by ridding the world of a vermin like you. Unless, of course, you can give me a reason to keep you alive."

"Sir, you cannot keep changing the offer!" Someone from their side complained, but Jeongguk didn't pay attention.

Bogum laughed humorless.

"So this is your gamble?" He muttered, "Did he ask you to do this?"

Taehyung shuddered when Bogum looked at him. Jeongguk stepped between them, cutting the view .

"You don't have much time, Bogum. They abandoned you. Whatever future they promised you, it's gone. At least, stand with your people this time."

"I always have. I wanted this kingdom to be prosper and that's why you shouldn't be ruling it."

Taehyung's teeth clenched. Jeongguk didn't show any reaction.

"Then maybe you should die now if you are unsatisfied."

"Screw this," he screeched, "the reason is gold, Jeongguk."

Jeongguk stopped for a moment, taken aback. Tae imagined he could almost see his ear perking. He frowned, speaking before he refrained himself.

"Gold mines?!"

Bogum laughed dry, the sound followed by a wince of pain.

"Always nosy, aren't you, Taehyung?" He knocked, lying his head down again. "Yes, hidden mines near Tanrong's border. They have been exploring it since last spring, came across it while smuggling goods to the frontier villages."

"Lies!" Yelled one of their soldiers.

"But I thought-" Jeongguk started, face wrinkled. Bogum cut him off.

"Their own mines have been nearly ran dry, the King has been doing everything to keep it a State secret. They have been sneaking people in to study your side of the terrain, but it's dangerous. I was the one who studied it the most since I had free passage. I know the area well by now, so there you have your reason."

"You cannot believe such absurd!" One of the enemies exclaimed.

"I must agree it is suspicious," Yoongi muttered. Tae glared at his treason.

"You all be quiet!" Jeongguk ordered, rubbing his own chin as the wheels in his head spun.

"You can go there and see for yourself. King Sungmin has been dying to to get ahold of it, but he cannot afford to burn through his resources for a war. I told him an alliance through marriage would be a safer way to guarantee passage and influence in the area."

Jeongguk stood rigid, taking a deep breath, hands on his waist.

"Your majesty, surely he is attempting to manipulate you-"

"You have until sundown to be ready to leave my land," Jeongguk determined, marching out of the cell to lock it again, "I will sign a peace treaty and my kingdom will continue to buy articles of luxury from yours, as it has for long. In return King Sungmin will swear his loyalty to me. I do not want to wage war against you, but if my trust is ever broken again, I will not stop until Tanrong vanishes. Understood?"

"The kingdom of Tanrong-"

"I will not repeat myself," he said a little slower, but all the more sharper, "so unless you want a war that you cannot win, you should accept my mercy and go back to your king with my therms. Tell him Jeon Jeongguk will not bow."

Taehyung's cold hand covered his mouth, staring at the man in awe. Sweat drops sprinkled his face and blood stained his clothes, but Tae had never quite understood the word "majesty" as well as in that moment. And he wanted nothing more than to award his bravery, to celebrate him. Jeongguk caught his wide eyes, showing a small smile. Taehyung felt a rush of adrenaline, butterflies flapping their quick wings inside him. But the emperor looked away too soon.

"Call Sora to come treat Bogum," he told the same boy from before.

Mingyu ran off obedient. Jieun's soldiers retreated their swords, stepping back with sour expressions. Jeongguk's did the same. His majesty turned on his heels and left. Taehyung blinked, still stuck on place. All that and Jeongguk was simply gone. He woke from his shock, running after him. Tae dashed up the narrow stairs, hand reaching for his clothes.

"Wait!" He pleaded, gripping the blood stained fabric like a life line.

Jeongguk abided, facing him. Tae struggled to breath, looking up, a couple of steps separated them. In the dimly lit stairs he could see Jeongguk's shoulders moving in the rhythm of his fast breaths. Guk suddenly jumped down those steps, hands touching Taehyung's hot face. Lips touched his forehead in a heartbeat. Before Tae reacted he was drifting.

"I love you." He whispered before stepping back. Taehyung held his hand. "Yoongi!"

The call startled him. The genereal was on his heels. His hand closed around Tae's arm. Jeongguk let go. Yoongi didn't allow Tae to go after him.

"But-"

"Don't argue, please," Yoongi requested, gritting his teeth, "Jeongguk called me for a reason."

Taehyung gulped, not liking the worry in his features. He let himself be taken back to his chambers.

"You need to stay here," the general said, pushing him inside.

"Did Jeongguk-?" He gasped for air, "Why did he leave like that? What happens now?"

"Now he has to bring the council to his side."

"I-"

"You nothing!" Yoongi slithered, wiping the sweat off his hairline, "I know you are crazy to go throwing yourself in front of swords for Jeongguk, but now you must stay in your place, Taehyung. I have no idea what is going through his mind, but I know for sure he wanted me to guarantee you are safe."

"Safe?"

"If anyone is unsatisfied about this turn of events they will blame you, you are the easy target, people already have their suspicions and dislikes when it comes to your closeness to Jeongguk." Yoongi seemed to be talking to himself, eyes down as he followed the thread of thoughts, "You need to leave as soon as possible."

"But I cannot leave without saying goodbye to Jeongguk," Tae protested.

"Jeongguk needs to talk to the council now before Jieun's people do. He needs to put out any spark that can cause a fire. Stay here, lock your door, and be ready to leave."

Tae opened his mouth to argue, but gave up. It wouldn't matter. Yoongi was right, Jeongguk had more important matters to tend to. That was part of loving a man like him. But Taehyung was proud of him. Even if Guk had put himself at risk, even if his decisions prevented them from sharing a few farewell moments, Taehyung was happy about his chocie. He hugged himself, nodding,

"Alright, I will go."

Yoongi thinned his lips, looking away sheepish. Tae raised a brow when he patted his arm, once, and twice.

"Good. I will arrange everything for you."

Tae managed to show a small smile.

"Thank you. And you keep him safe please . And trust him more! And sometimes..." Tae sighed, "Sometimes it would not hurt if you could be more hyung than general. You understand, right?"

Yoongi blinked surprised by the request.

"Get ready to leave, Taehyung."

The general took off, probably to aid Jeongguk even though he didn't agree. Maybe it was the best hyung he could be.

Taehyung's clothes were already packed, nothing else for him to do other than get more and more nervous. He huffed and puffed the heavy air, charting every corner of the bedroom, arms crossed. He knew that was the right choice. Jeongguk had shouted his independence. He wouldn't be doomed to an unhappy life. He wouldn't lose himself. It was the outcome both him and Taehyung desired. And yet Tae had to message his tense heart. Those council vultures always seemed to be ready to oppose Jeongguk's every thought, what would they do when they learned Guk went against their wishes? At least with him leaving, Tae wouldn't need to worry about their sights setting on their relationship. It would be safer for a while. But Jeongguk would be left alone to face the consequences of his choice. Perhaps that was why he decided it on his own. For himself. Admiration shared home with worry. The way Jeongguk took control of the situation, how he stood for his kingdom, for himself, for his beliefs... That was a sovereign. He really was growing and it inspired Taehyung even more to go in his path towards growth too.

Tae's knees greeted the ground, a while since he had taken that position. His back curved in a familiar bow, hands turned back. It wasn't uncomfortable though. His warm breath hit his own chest, the stone was cold against his forehead where Jeongguk's kiss had stayed. He focused on those sensations, slowing the pace of his mind. He repeated the calming mantras, hoping he still had the right to make any prayers. He called upon the gods, his ancestors, anyone who would help. He only had one wish.

"Please, keep Jeongguk well."

It was mutual, Jeongguk's well being mattered the most to him. And if everything worked out the way it was supposed to and Taehyung was gifted with the chance to live with the man he loved, as he wished to live, he would have the most beautiful temple of Jinse built to thank every divinity for that blessing, even if he had to place stone by stone himself.

He wished he could make that request properly, at the temple, seeing them, candles lit, chants sang. But simply speaking to his gods again already felt good. He studied the symbols of his hands. Even if he couldn't keep his vows, he still felt proud to carry that heritage, his roots, before he grew branches.

"Are you seeing me now, hyung?" He inquired softly, drawing over the tattoo. "Straying again. What would you say to this stubborn child? But your Taehyungie is not the child you knew anymore. But I still very much need you." He swallowed his pain. As much as Jeongguk had filled him, there was an empty space that couldn't be reached. And it was alright. It wasn't supposed to be filled anyways. Not missing Namjoon would mean forgetting him and Taehyung absolutely did not want to forget his family. "I wish you were here to tell me I can do this, that things will work themselves out and Guk and I will be just fine. You are here, aren't you?" He looked around the empty room as if his brother would show up. But he didn't need to see to feel. "I know you are. I think you would be proud of my decision. Maybe proud of me. I will try to be proud of myself."

Outside the sun threatened him as it moved. Taehyung suppressed his fear, drying his tears. He would be brave like Guk was.

After gathering his belongings, Tae gathered his precious memories that were scattered around. Jeongguk entered and left the room, he was in Taehyung bed and in his arms. He broke Taehyung's heart and made it beat. Out of all the emotions contained within those walls, one more prominent, etched into many of his reminiscences. It was not only a memory.

Jimin's knocks invaded his moments. The room became bleak again. Tae opened the door for him, hoping for good news, but his hesitation to speak told Tae it all.

"Is it time?"

"The ship is at the harbor already," he informed, not hiding his sorrow, "Yoongi asked me to escort you there."

Tae clutched his bag.

"And Jeongguk?"

Jimin only became gloomier. Tae knew the answer.

"He is at the middle of arguing with them now. I'm sorry, Tae."

Taehyung swallowed the frustration.

"It's not your fault."

He looked back to their happy place a last time, only the sketchbook and his scent left behind. No. He was leaving far more.

The harbor was not too far from the palace. Jimin led the way. With every step, Taehyung glanced over his shoulder, imagining his calls, daring him to show up. But he wasn't there. It was fine. They would meet again. And even if they didn't... at least they met at all. Taehyung had no regrets.

Waves rocked the large wood structure, its sails open like the winds of a dragon ready to fly. From up close it was more intimidating than he had predicted, much bigger than the boats he was used to navigating on the river back at the Valley. Some men loaded boxes onto the ship, yelling commands at each other. Families around had their farewells. Tae tried to smile at Jimin.

"It looks fun," he said, but there was no enthusiasm in his voice. Jimin nodded, mimicking his face.

"I only sailed once, but I quite enjoyed it. You are going to have a nice time."

"I hope so. I hope the people in the ship are alright too. No one deserves to travel with boring companions."

"Indeed not. By the way, are you familiar with Yugyeom?" Jimin pointed at the soldier who read a map a few meters away. Tae squinted, recognizing the features.

"I have seen him before."

"Guk picked him to take on Bogum's responsibilities for this journey. Which happened only three days ago I think, so he might be a little lost, but he is a good soldier and you can trust him to help you if you need."

Tae hummed in response, his feet becoming colder the more they approached the ship. Maybe Tae could observe him do his work, it might help him when he came back to be a diplomat. If anything, it was enjoyable to imagine that future.

"Fine."

"I think this is all I had to tell you," Jimin tapped his jaw, thinking.

"Do you think the weather is good enough to sail?" Tae inquired, frowning at the clear sky. "Maybe we should wait a little?"

"I think it's a good day as any," Jimin tranquilized, "and I am certain the ship's captain knows the sea better than anyone. If he thinks it's it will be fine, then it will."

Taehyung chewed his lip. Time moved too fast. He observed the last box be moved into the ship, crew going up after. Then Yugyeom folded his map and walked up as well. Soon all of the remaining boys around followed. A couple of people remained behind, probably family or friends like Jimin. And Taehyung, waiting. Always waiting.

"I suppose this is it," Tae murmured awkward, looking from his transportation to Jimin.

Jimin embraced him. Taehyung was glad at least he was there. A hug was exactly what he needed

"Have a safe journey, Tae. And come back."

"I will. Thank you for everything, Jimin, truly."

The smaller boy let go and fixed Taehyung's clothes. Tae smiled at him one last time and turned away.

"Oh wait!" Jimin snapped. Tae became hopeful again, looking beyond him wondering if Jimin had spotted him coming. But it wasn't the case. "I almost forgot your gold."

"Ah." Tae concealed his disappointment. Jimin handed a big leather pouch to Taehyung. The weight was surprising, causing his eyes to widen. "This is a lot."

"You can stay with Jeongguk's emissaries if you wish, but in case you have different plans, this should help. Jeongguk wanted you to be set."

Tae hid the coins safely in his bag, grateful that Guk worried about making sure he could have a choice.

"Thank him for me."

"You can write to him. His reading has gotten a lot better."

"I don't know if that would make things more or less painful," Tae confessed, rubbing his neck, "but I will consider it. Thank you again, Jimin. Hopefully, I will see in you in a near future."

Tae smiled faintly, pretending to not see Jimin's pout. He turned back to the ramp, going up that time. He had officially embarked. Everything was set to go.

"Ah there you are, Taehyung-ssi!" Yugyeom bowed when Tae stepped into his line of vision. "I thought you were running late-"

"Taehyung!"

Tae held his breath upon the scream. He recognized his call with his entire self, spine tingling. He looked to where the sound came from, the wind drying his eyes. Jeongguk's horse trotted, nearly flying towards him. Tae breathed again. He ran down the lifting ramp without thought, only the need to meet him. Jeongguk jumped down the animal, coming his way like an arrow. They stood face to face. And they halted.

"Gukie," he whispered, emotions clogging up his throat with words that didn't come out, instead spilled from his eyes that he didn't want to hide.

"I had to see you at least once more," Jeongguk choked out.

The wind blew his fringe over his face. Taehyung wanted to dry his tears, but didn't dare. They stood there, at a safe enough distance, a distance they could not physically overcome. Nevertheless, there were other ways. Taehyung touched him with his gaze. Jeongguk held him in his eyes. Even if they couldn't say it, it was loud. Taehyung knew Jeongguk's heart like his own.

Guk took his sword out again. Almost no sign of the previous attack was visible. He offered the handle to Taehyung.

"What are you doing?" Tae inquired.

"I want you to have it. This way I will know you can protect yourself. You will be out of Jinse's ground so you can have a weapon. And it's a memory. I don't want you to forget about me," he tried to make it playful but it didn't work, teeth buried into his lip.

"It would take the gods intervening to make me forget you, Jeongguk, and maybe even then," he assured, wishing he could lace their fingers, "and I can't take it, you need to be safe too."

Jeongguk refused.

"I will take another, plenty to choose from. You gave me your drawings, this seems a fair trade. Please take it, Tae," he moved the handle forward in an offer that was reflected in his pleading eyes, "you can return it to me when we meet again."

Taehyung beamed at that proposal. He took the handle, hand brushing Jeongguk's for a moment.

"Until then, will you be fine?"

Jeongguk smiled too, showing a much needed security.

"I will. And so will you. You will come back to a better me and a better city, Tae."

And like always, Taehyung believed his every word. He trusted him in the dark. They stared at each other, teeth gritted to hold it all in. Jeongguk's chin had creases, slightly forward as he held his cry. The more they prolonged it the harder it would be.

"I need to go," Tae remembered, the words burning.

Guk nodded, but his eyes didn't release him yet. In that last moment, they held Taehyung more strongly than ever, the grip tight around his heart. Then he smiled, lightening it, glancing at the tall ship that cast a shadow over them.

"You do."

"Walk with me?"

"Always."

They made the steps to the ramp side by side, a few glances exchanged to reaffirm their feelings. Their future had already started. Jeongguk stayed back and Taehyung moved forward. But they would meet at the same place eventually. Waiting for the twilight was worth it.

Tae peered at him from over the deck, one hand over the wood, the other held the piece of Jeongguk he had borrowed. Jeongguk kept him anchored even when he began to move, no doubt in his mind where he belonged. Slowly, he began to shrink, smaller and smaller, until he was the size of Taehyung's heart, occupying it entirely. Tae thought his lips moved into the shape of familiar words. He ran to the edge of the ship, trying to hold on, but Guk was disappearing into the scenery. His face was only in Taehyung's mind. The waves distanced them. But they always made a return.

Notes:

A/N: my brother told me there are two types of writers: architects and garderners. One is good at creating a plan and following through, they see the way ahead clearly. The second simply nurtures the characters and the story so they grow into their own life, not entirely sure if it will work, or how that bloomed flower will look. I really tried to be an architect, but in the end I realize I am a gardener. But I hope this flower is as pretty for you as it is in my eyes. I took very long deciding wether I was satisfied with it so I could post this last update. I have only ever finished two other much shorter stories in my life. I am not fond of endings, I am the type who cries when anything ends to be honest so this was hard to write. I deleted and rewrote and read it many times and like it's some grief process it took time until I finally decided to post it and embrace the ending of this story.

It has been two years since I started writing it, at 18. This has been a big parte of my life over the past two years and I wanted to try to end it in a way I liked. I hope you didn't feel disappointed. Like sun and moon there was no true happily ever after I could offer you. There is no certainty in their future. Another wedding might come, another war might come, another coup d'etat might come, but the one thing certain throughout the story was their desire to be together, their longing, their love. And that is how we know whatever comes their way they will find a moment to be together and whatever/whenever that moment is it will be worth it. Like the characters we can only keep hoping and believing. I know it is probably not what you wanted and expected and it made me hesitate a lot to post, but I thought it felt right when I read it. And now as I think back to this whole little world I built I see so many things I could have done differently but, still, I am really proud and happy about how it turned out.

If you got to this point (in both the story and this notes), I truly, sincerely, thank you. Thank you for your patience with my slow rhythm, thank you for appreciating my beloved work and my characters, I hope the story made you feel something. Thank you for every kudos and comment and bookmarks, they made me happy and motivated. Thank you for being on this journey with me, I hope you also enjoyed the way along with all its ups and downs. I don't know where I'll go from here, I am not very good at planning and sticking to plans like I said, but I hope it is to something I love as much I have loved writing this and hopefully something less angsty hahahaha. Maybe I will comeback one day and write an epilogue when guilt over leaving an open ending haunts me too much in my 3AM insomnia moments. Maybe. But if this is, as I plan, my last "end notes" for this story, then the final message I want to leave you all dearest readers is really a big THANK YOU! 💜☺️

(Also thank you and goodbye to my dear characters, Taehyung and Jeongguk, who I will miss a lot, like they are a couple of dear friends of mine. And now I really am crying. Time to go.)

Okay, bye 💜

Chapter 43: Epilogue

Notes:

Bet I surprised you with this one. Consider this bit of fluff an early Christmas gift from yours truly. Happy reading!

Taehyung vagued the empty corridors of the palace, hand grazing the irregular surface of the walls. The doors were open, looking into the dark empty rooms, no one inside to welcome him. Screams sounded on the city where battle went on, he felt the heat of the fire that burned Jinse to the ground.

"Jeongguk!" His voice was suffocated by the smoke, he tripped on his feet. "Jeongguk!"

"I'm here," hushed a sweet voice by his ear, the lullaby that helped him sleep.

Taehyung felt arms around him, warm and perfectly fitted for his body. The dream shattered when kisses tickled him, the fear subdued by the pleasure that touch brought.

"I'm here," repeated him, "it was just a nightmare."

Tae's eyes fluttered open to a better reality. The first rays of light appeared under the curtains. Only the birds chirped outside. His breathing slowed as his muscles went loose in the peaceful atmosphere. Nothing to fight, no reason to run. He was just where he was meant to be, with his lover. He turned inside the embrace until they were face to face. Taehyung never got tired of the sight of those bright eyes. Jeongguk smiled at him, a smile impossible to not return. A smile that made flowers bloom in Taehyung's heart. He buried his face on his chest, leaving pecks on his clavicle. No concerns existed within his hug. His scent was the same after all those years, herbs and the sea.

"Sorry," he murmured sheepish.

It had been a while since his nightmares had bothered. Jeongguk was the best remedy against them, but not entirely fail-proof.

"Why are you apologizing, love?"

"I disturbed your sleep."

"Nonsense, I made a vow to protect you, didn't I?" Guk squeezed him tighter. "From whatever it may be. You already fought so many of my demons too, Taehyung." And he would always. Sleeping in each other's arms felt the safest. "Is the something troubling you? We are in your favorite place. I'm here, the boys are alright. Everything is-"

"Perfect," Taehyung completed playing with his earlobe, "so perfect that sometimes I still feel irrationally scared something will put end to this joy."

"I know this fear, but it won't happen," Guk's nose brushed against his, "we are safe, Tae, you know it."

And they had been for years. Ever since they had begun to explore the mines Bogum told them about, money had been no problem for the empire. There were no new serious attacks either, life went smoother than ever in Jinse and the other cities of that land. They reached an agreement with Tanrong and Jeongguk had snuffed out the enemy army from Li Yei at the border. The council was still an everyday battle, but it was one they were used to. With their projects to become closer and more present all over the land and the founding of Jinse's Imperial Academy of Science and Arts and and its first filial at the south, Jeongguk's approval ratings were soaring among the people. There was nothing to worry about. Even the heir issue had been sorted out to the best it could be. But after all the trial and tribulations they had faced, Taehyung still had that lingering fear something would ruin their hard earned happiness, an anxiety that got more harmful from time to time like a chronic pain.

"I know that living with me is always uncertain," Jeongguk continued, "and there is not much I can promise you, but I will always do my best to protect our family."

"Not much you can promise me? " Tae raised up on one arm, placing his head over the emperor's, "Gukie, you promised me your love, your loyalty, your limited years in this world, how is that little? What more can I ask for?" He brushed his fringe away from his eyes. "I'm the happiest I have ever been, no matter the difficulties we had, and have, to face."

"Good. So am I, Tae," he sighed pleased, palm caressing Taehyung's soft cheek, one arm folding behind his head, "whenever I get to be by your side it is when I feel truly grateful for my life."

Taehyung's lips melted on his, an encounter most natural to them. His hands sculpted the muscles of Jeongguk's chest. No other territory he knew as well as his body, no other he wanted to know. Taehyung had claimed it long ago.

"Don't you want to sleep more?" Jeongguk asked hoarse, teeth piercing his bottom lip.

"I'd rather cherish my time with you," Taehyung growled low, getting on top of him, "awake."

Jeongguk laughed against his mouth, pulling the sheets over them. Their sheets, their bed, their chambers, their house, where they could love without restriction or the fear of being interrupted. When he came back from his journey and Jeongguk showed him the property he drew himself, Taehyung couldn't believe it. They had talked about it yes, but in his mind that idea was set years into the future, if it ever came to be. But Jeongguk, ever so loving and passionate Jeongguk, made it work. It was the closest they had to an usual family life together. A separate small property for the emperor's hunting trips, with all the details they had dreamed of in that small tent years ago. It wasn't frequent that they could take refuge there, and even when they could, it didn't last long. However, the fact those days were ephemeral made Taehyung appreciate them even more.

He still traveled as the emperor's emissary and even when he stayed in the palace, some days were busy enough to put a damp on their nights. Jeongguk had not lied when he said he wanted Taehyung working with him, the position was demanding. Whether he was accessing the state and needs of different villages, or acting as headmaster of the Jinse academy along with Jimin, Taehyung had been keeping himself busy, feeling like an useful part of the living organism that was their land. And Jeongguk had his own duties and roles to fulfill as sovereign, that kept him busy. They couldn't always enjoy each other's company as much as they wanted. In their den, however, only their family existed. Jeongguk and Taehyung returned to that one piece of clay that had originated their separate beings. If there was any connection stronger than that, Taehyung didn't know it. And even if he had a lot in his life that provided him with satisfaction and joy, nothing compared to the euphoria that being with Jeongguk made him feel.

"I love you," Tae declared, fingers intertwined with his. He would never get tired of saying it.

"Again," Jeongguk pleaded, kissing his neck softly.

"I love you, Jeon Jeongguk," he said a little louder, chuckling. The emperor's arms held him, as he turned on his side, taking Taehyung's body along.

"I love you more, Kim Taehyung."

Taehyung shook his head of tousled hair.

"Impossible. I love you more than there are stars."

"But I love you more than there is sea," Guk countered, opening an arm to remind him of the vastness of the water.

"There are far more stars than sea," Taehyung argued, his orbs approaching Jeongguk's to find his constellations.

"Of course not."

"Yes, there are."

Jeongguk ended the discussion with a kiss on his lips, the most compelling argument.

"You won," Tae slurred against his mouth, making him giggle pleased. Guk's kisses never lost the power to make him melt.

"Stay with me," he asked again, Taehyung had lost count of how many times it had been, but he didn't mind. Renewing his vows never felt like a chore.

"I will, Gukie."

"Through every season?"

Tae nodded, hugging him close.

"Each of them."

It was summer again, the sea warm and the sky blue like it had been when they fell in love. Their hearts always seemed to grow even fonder along. Taehyung tried to remember all the summers they had spent together, so many memories of joy he had kept in sketches.

"It's the 10th," he whispered, thumb massaging Jeongguk's neck. The emperor had closed his eyes, dozing off again.

"Hm?"

"I think this is the 10th summer I love you, Jeongguk."

His eyes opened, wrinkles around them, caused by a large smile. It never changed.

"Already?"

"Hard to believe, isn't it? Aren't you tired of me yet?"

That was a fear he also dealt with from time to time. If the enchantment Jeongguk felt over him would vanish, if he would regret his past choices.

"Never." He locked Taehyung in his hold, forbidding him from moving away an inch. "How could I ever get tired of you, Taehyung? My smart, kind, amazing, Taehyung."

Their hearts danced together in the same slow rhythm. He could proudly say he had dipped his toes in that vast large world, known people, seen places, had his own adventures. And at the end, he still only wanted to be with Jeongguk. He was his partner for life, Taehyung would live and die by his side. Their bracelets never came off again, never would. Every week, he went to kneel in the temple he had built in Jinse, to thank the safety and happiness of the family he had and to remember the family he had lost. Went to tell Namjoon about the school, the travels, the two beautiful boys he was helping raise.

"We should get up before the kids," Tae reminded, nibbling Jeongguk's ear.

"I know," he took a deep breath on Taehyung's hair, always sniffing him like he was some sort of puppy, "but it's so nice being like this with you. Just a little more."

"Alright," Tae abided, not being strong enough to break the hold himself. It wasn't always they got such loving idle time.

After a while, both felt ready to rise to the day. Jeongguk was singing gibberish, but Taehyung appreciated the sound of his voice anyway. They helped one another get dressed and make the bed. Getting by without any help was a change from the palace's life, but they liked it that way. Kept their privacy. Their soldeirs surrounded the forest, out of sight. Only the four of them got to live in that simple fantasy. Tae washed and sliced the vegetable that Guk used to make their soup. His cooking skill were a positive surprise, specially because Taehyung's own habilities were not so impressive. But Jeongguk made sure to praise his assistance. Tae liked to hold his waist as he stirred the soup, letting his chin rest over his shoulder. He always got to taste the food first. It was a good way to live.

The boys got up on their own, still rubbing their sleepy eyes when they entered the kitchen.

"Did you sleep well?" Tae glanced at them, getting them water. "Cheol, you have ink on your face."

He held the older boy's chin to wipe his stained cheek. They were the same height already, but Cheol seemed taller due to the muscles he was building. Taehyung pouted seeing the baby image shattering a little more each day. But the nostalgia also carried a feeling of pride. When they had first met him in Bora, he looked so vulnerable, clinging to their hands. He was glad to see him healthy and smiling.

"You really are getting taller," Jeongguk noticed as well, satisfaction in his voice, "good."

"And Dam too." Tae pulled the younger one closer to him to clean his forehead. "Were you two painting before bed?"

"A little bit," Dam admitted, unable to lie. He held on to Taehyung's pants, the sight endearing.

"At least you still are small, right, my baby?"

Tahyung kissed the top of his head. He was about the same size, but a little older than his brother was when Taehyung and Jeongguk had met him.

Tae still remembered the day he and Guk decided to raise them. It was at the end of fall, just before winter turned the land white. Cheol was still the kid of Taehyung's memories, Dam just a baby. Such a new responsibility to take on. Jeongguk had tried everything to save their mother's life, even taken his own physician to attempt to restore her health, but it was a lost cause. She used her last breaths to beg them to take care of her sons. They had consoled Cheol and kept both him and Dam warm and fed, stayed with them through that first teary night. It didn't feel right to leave them. Cheol had already grown so attached to them with all the visits they made. It was a bit of a mutual idea, as if their minds worked as one when they decided to take him and his baby brother to live in the palace. Jeongguk was great at giving people second chances and those kids surely deserved one. They dedicated their time and energy to nurture their growth, but as tiring and difficult as it had been, it never felt costly and he knew Jeongguk, like him, had never regretted the decision. And then, of course, came the question of whether Cheol could be his heir. It caused them to lose their sleep for so many nights. As stabilized as the political situation of the kingdom had become, the need for an heir was a pressure that was never off Jeongguk's shoulders, and a guilt Taehyung couldn't entirely get rid off.

They first seriously discussed the possibility two years after the boys had come to be under their care. When Cheol picked up a sword for the first time. Jeongguk had scolded him for it, made him cry unintentionally. Raising kids was trickier than any of them knew, and there were times they slipped up. Taehyung remembered the anguish in Jeongguk's eyes seeing him swerve towards the path he desperately wanted to keep them away from. Tae had calmed Cheol down and got him to sleep by telling stories. Jimin had taken little Dam for a stroll, since seeing his brother cry only got him nervous too. Jeongguk had gone to their bedroom to apologize, but found Cheol already dreaming, head on Taehyung's leg. He sat at the edge of the bed, took his feet into his hands. He used to be so small. They still thought of him like that sometimes.

"Don't be hard on yourself, Guk-ah."

Tae's toes poked at him. He could read his thoughts. Jeongguk refused the comfort, elbows resting over his knees.

"I was too harsh."

"You have your reasons," he reminded, trying to prevent the self flogging.

"He doesn't know that. He probably thinks he did something wrong."

"He is still too young to know, but you can tell him one day."

Heavy rain fell outside. The bedroom was quiet for a moment as Jeongguk pondered. His palm rubbed his face.

"Yoongi asked me not too long ago whether I intended to train Cheol and prepare him to be my heir. Dam is still too young to be fighting, but Cheol is around the age I was when I started learning. But I cannot condemn a child to become a murderer the way my father did to me."

"It is an entirely different situation," Taehyung argued, "you would be teaching him how to protect himself."

"I don't understand why he picked it up," Guk mused. He never listened when he got taken in thought currents like that. Didn't mean Taehyung would ever quit trying to reach him though. "I told him how dangerous the swords are so many times..."

"Is it not obvious?" Tae had a sad smile, fingers treading Cheol's hair, "He wants to be like you, Gukie."

Jeongguk lifted his head, peering at him.

"What?"

"He admires you. Sometimes when we are studying, he and Dam ask me to take them to see you training, he likes watching you with the sword. He says he wishes he could be as strong as you."

"Strong?" Jeongguk repeated sardonic, shaking his head. "He has no idea."

Taehyung gently placed Cheol's head over the pillow, to go sit at his partner's side. He grabbed his cold hand, reminding him of the love he felt.

"You are strong, Jeongguk, one of the strongest people I know."

"I'm a murderer. And so many times I have been a coward. If ever I was strong, it was because of you."

"That is not true. You are a survivor, a warrior. You protect your people, you sacrifice yourself for what you love, you are hard-working and smart and skilled and a good leader. And you are my love," Tae completed, pecking his ear, "there is plenty for Cheol to admire about you. I will always remind you of that."

Jeongguk squeezed Taehyung's hand.

"I don't want him to be like me. Or for me to be like my father."

"You won't. You have been doing a wonderful job raising him, Guk, in a loving and supportive way. If he wants to learn to use the sword, then teach him when and how to fight for the right reasons. In the end he will choose what to do with the heritage you gave him. Because you and your men fight, there is peace inside the borders of this empire. I think that is the way Cheol sees it. You are his hero. That is what he wants to become."

"He will change his mind once he grows and understand the ugliness of this life. I can't submit him to my fate."

"I understand, but he is already under your care, Jeongguk. He and his brother are called princes by the people, they are seen as your heirs which means they are already a target and they will continue to be until you have children of your own. And because of me you won't."

"Don't say it like that, Tae," Jeongguk cupped his face into his hands, turning it towards him, "I chose to not marry Jieun or any other princesses on my own. I know I will never be able to love any of them and I don't want to sacrifice my only happiness for the throne. And that is also why I don't want Cheol to be my heir. The duty and the choices bestowed upon you makes the crown to heavy of a weight to bare."

Tae placed a hand over his.

"I know."

"Once more I need to make difficult decisions," he lamented, laying his head over Taehyung's shoulder, "I need to think of the future of my empire. Or else chaos will install once I'm gone and civil war will follow. It will be just like before. All that I, you, my people, my father have worked for will go to waste if there is no one to carry our legacy. I cannot lie and say I did not consider Cheol for this role. I noticed how skilled and resilient he is. Going through the things he went through was awful, but it did make him strong. I'm glad I helped him before things got worse, his heart is still pure. I wanted him to have a happy childhood."

Taehyung glanced at the young boy who slept soundly, hands joined together under his chin.

"He is having a happy childhood, Guk. We are doing all we can, loving him, giving him all he needs. Being the heir to throne, and eventually the emperor, means there will be a lot on his shoulders, true, and we can't prevent it, but he would have us to help him for many years to come. We can support him, aid him, teach him to be a kind and strong ruler. It will not be like it was for you."

The sound of the boys arguing woke Taehyung up from the memories. He stared at them, the old images conflating with the new. They were growing up well. He and Guk were doing their best to ensure it.

"Stop fighting, boys," Jeongguk chided, serving their soup, but even if he sounded serious his small smile gave him away, "Cheol, be the bigger the person."

Cheol rolled his eyes. Dam showed him his tongue, silently laughing victorious. Jeongguk didn't catch it though, already focused on Taehyung's distant expression.

"Are you alright?" He asked, fingers messing Tae's hair when they went to play with it.

Taehyung smiled.

"Yes. I was just taken by some memories."

"Good memories I hope."

"Memories of our family."

"Then it must be good." Jeongguk's lips brushed his, causing the boys to fake gag sounds. Guk glared at them. "You two just earned yourselves 10 extra laps around the house, congratulations."

Their jaws dropped in outrage.

"But hyung!"

"No 'hyung'. You better eat well to have the energy."

Taehyung chuckled at his fake severity, passing the two of them bigger loafs of bread to help on the extra exercise.

Once they were done eating and cleaning, came the time for the physical training, after all, their princes needed to be at the best form. Taehyung had become good enough himself to help, practicing physical combat with Dam while Jeongguk and Cheol were already at the swords. From time to time he remembered his own words that night and wondered if they had been right, or if he was blinded by his desires, submitting a kid to a fate he shouldn't have. But Cheol came into their lives the way he did. He picked up a sword that day. And he truly did seem so comfortable with it. He showed more progress every time Taehyung saw him fight, became faster, stronger, smarter, a result of natural ability and the rigorous training Jeongguk put him through. Taehyung never saw him seriously complain. Yes, he heard childish wining and and playful banter, but Cheol never missed a chance to practice if he could move. He was the perfect heir for Jeongguk. And he would be an adult soon and enter his own journey, no matter how much they wanted to protect him. Tae remembered the way Cheol and Dam's mother held his hand, begged him to look after her children. Taehyung didn't know if he was doing it right. But if anything, he was giving them love and teaching them what he could. The best legacy they would give to their boys were their moments together.

Cheol cursed once he was thrown to the ground, his sword swaying on Jeongguk's hand. Taehyung spotted his competitive nature showing in his narrowed eyes. Not like Dam who would just get up smiling and ask to try again.

"This is annoying." He sulked, crossing his arms.

"Losing is how you will learn to win, Cheol," Jeongguk informed, giving him his sword back, "there is always room to learn and grow from your mistakes if you're alive. And you are getting better."

His eyes shone at the compliment, the tantrum signs dissipating.

"Really? Can I be as good as you?"

"I dare say you will become better than me," Guk lend him a hand to help him get up.

"Better?"

"Don't you trust your teacher?" He smiled smug, "I even taught Taehyung to fight."

Tae lightly kicked his butt, making the kids laugh.

"I was a good student, you loved giving me lessons," he gloated, "and I do remember I beat you a couple of times, Jeon Jeongguk."

"True, you are my favorite student," Guk admitted, raising his hands in surrender.

"What about me? What about me?" Dam asked clinging to Jeongguk's legs. The emperor picked him up like he weighed nothing.

"You too, Damie. When you grow older you be a fine swordsman. Right now you are..." He thought of a compliment to say, lips puckering, "Cuter than me."

"And cuter than Taetae hyung?" Dam tried, little hands around Jeongguk's neck.

Jeongguk's eyes set on his lover when he smiled.

"No, not cuter than Taetae hyung, that is just too hard of a goal to achieve."

"Ah Gukie hyung," he complained, but started laughing in a moment, when Jeongguk spun him around, letting his legs dangle in the air.

"Jeongguk-ah," Taehyung wiped the sweat off his brow, "the boys deserve a break, don't they? Let's go swimming?"

"And that is why I like Taetae the best," Cheol cheered, dropping his sword before he got permission.

"Please, please," Dam shook Jeongguk's arm, pouting.

Guk sighed, hands on his waist as he pretended to consider the request. Then he grinned and Taehyung already knew the answer.

"Last one to get there has to run an extra lap later."

"I knew it," he heard Cheol tell Dam as they ran down to the water trying to catch up to the emperor, "he always does what Taehyung hyung asks."

Taehyung stayed for a moment longer over the hill where he could perfectly capture the image of his family playing in the ocean. Sunny days he would etch into his memory, hold close to his heart. That would come again. He didn't want to worry any longer. He ran to where their laughter sounded, where he wanted to be. Jeongguk came to welcome him, picking him up to throw him into the salty water. They kissed again among the waves, like they had done ten summers ago, still beaming like those young men that had just fallen in love.

Taehyung remembered the night he and Jeongguk had first dreamed of that house, and that real, palpable future together. He had offered him a wish. And Jeongguk had refused.

"At this moment, everything is perfect."

It was. And they would live a long time like that.

Notes:

Hello, lovelies, I hope you are happy and your hearts are warm. I did end up writing an epilogue, oh well, the charcaters deserve it. It is true, taekook lived happily ever after, had a family and a home. Peace and prosperity reign in the kingdom. There are still still difficult moments, but our favorite couple is very happily married. I wanted to make a joyful, lovey-dovey conclusion that answered whatever questions and worries you guys might still have lingering in your minds. Please come talk to me in the comment section, I miss talking to y'all. Share your thoughts, opinions, head-canons of them getting a dog, whatever you want. Now I truly do bid you, readers, and this story that I love so much goodbye. Happy holidays everyone!

but! If you don't want to say a total goodbye and you liked my writing, I just started a new taekook fic here in ao3. It's much lighter than Fated (and thus, updated a lot faster), but written with just as much love. Please check it out: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27548716/chapters/67378261