Work Text:
WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE
Enjoy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gavin was a hot-headed, short, angry and depressed cop who had the shittiest life ever. His mother was dead, and his father was in prison. Great. Not to mention, his half brother, Elijah Kamski, was a billionaire and at this point, he didn’t even try to talk to his older scum-bag brother. When he tried, his calls would never be answered and he really missed his brother. Not that he would ever admit that. For his whole childhood, Gavin was beaten by his dad. After his mom had passed away, his dad decided to take out his sadness and anger on him. Keep in mind, Gavin was only twelve when his mom died, so he was so fragile and pretty defenceless against his dad. When he was younger, he lived with his dad and his half-brother Elijah. He and Elijah were twins, with Eli being a few minutes older then Gavin. When they grew up, Eli was the smart kid. He would impress everybody, and their dad was so proud of him. Gavin, on the other hand, was not as smart. He was a pretty aggressive person, and he would always get in fights at school. Not to mention, we was nearly scraping up his C’s while Eli got his easy A’s. Gavin’s grades, and his mothers passing, is what had caused the abusing to start. At first it would be little shoves or little smacks by his father, but it quickly escalated to kicking, punching, whipping and even burning. This went on all the way through middle and high school, and he got a lot of issues from it. He got anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and he had mood problems. Not to mention all of the scars he got from his dad. He even got one right down the middle of his nose. He hated that scar the most. He got medication for it when he finally had scrapped enough money to get it. All through when Gavin was suffering, Elijah had tried the best he could to help. He would try and get his dad away from Gavin, and after their dad was done beating him to the ground, he would help him with his injuries.
To sum it up, as soon as Gavin possibly could, he moved out of that hell hole and decided to become a cop and try and help others out who might be in his situation.
Gavin wouldn’t say that he was perfect, far from it actually, but at the d.p.d, he made it seem like he owned the place. He was a completely different person, and he made sure that nobody ever found out about his problems. He had build up high walls and he never thought they would be broken down anytime soon. His work was his pride and compassion, because at this point it was the only thing keeping him alive. So, when he found out about the rumours spreading about himself, he ignored it. At first, at least. They had grown so bad to the point where nobody even tried to talk to Gavin, and they would whisper behind his back and break him down. On the outside, he made it seem that he didn’t care. He got on with his life and he tried his best to ignore it. But after a few months, it really tears you down. It was hard for Gavin to wake up in the mornings and he didn’t want to go to work. Ever since Tina had been on leave, it had been hard for Gavin. Tina Chen, his best friend, had been shot in the lung and she would have to leave work for months. It was hell for Gavin. It wasn’t really his fault for his rude behaviour and his intimidating personality, but he always blamed it on himself. He was still very depressed, but work helped ease his mind off things for a bit. He would seek out for help, but his stubbornness and pride forced him not to. Though he does have pills for depression, he makes sure to take them in private.
Gavin had always been good at his job. He might have been rude, but he gets his work done and he is determined. He had always hated androids, especially since that’s what took his brother away from him. He was furious to find out about Conner at the office, but after awhile he decided to stay away from Conner as much as he could. Though, when he could, he would insult Conner and try and get a reaction out of him. But, after the revolution, new laws were in place and Gavin didn’t wanna risk his job because of Conner. Seeing innocent androids dying even shook Gavin up, so he started being civil with Conner. But, when Gavin found out he was going to be partnered up with Rk900, Conner’s improved brother, he was so angry. He know he didn’t need a partner, let alone an android, and he really didn’t need someone to bother him. He tried his best to negotiate himself to not have a parter with Fowler, but after many failed attempts, he got a disciplinary warning and sulked off to his desk.
The first few months of their partnership was hell. They always argued and he hated how Rk900, also known as Nines, always 1-uped him. Soon though, something changed. One day, something just clicked and they started to become fond of one another. Rude bickering had become playful fighting. Harsh glares became soft gazes. Over months, Gavin had become attached to Nines and they would even hang out after work. They would watch movies, go to the gym together, and even play video games with each other. It was apparent after some time that Gavin had fallen in love with him. He knew that the android could never love Gavin, (why would he love someone was terrible as Gavin?) so he was to scared to make any moves. Though, they did keep it professional at work.
After one hard, long and boring day of doing paperwork, listening to Nines’ witty retorts and getting insulted by officers at the d.p.d, he was ready to go home. He was exhausted, and he nearly managed to drive home. After what had seemed to be a few hours of loud car horns and yelling, he was finally home. As best as he could, he quickly got ready for bed and when he went to go take his depression pills, he found the bottle to be empty.
‘’Il just get a refill tomorrow,’’ he thought to himself, ‘’missing one night of pills wont hurt.’’
And hurt it did. All throughout the night Gavin had nightmares. He would wake up screaming, crying and sweating so much that by the time he had managed to calm down, he felt so empty. That happened about four times that night, waking up because of nightmares. Some were about his mother, where some were about when he was abused as a child. That night, he only got about three hours of sleep.
The next day he was so tired and he barley had the energy to do anything at all. He had had about 20 cups of coffee that day, and he nearly passed out once. Nines had asked him about it, but he brushed it off as nothing. This continued for about a little under a week. Everyday, Gavin would not have time to refill his meds. When he wasn’t out chasing suspects, he was up late doing paperwork or staying at the office with Nines to try and find their killer for a murder. He got worse and worse each day. He would look exhausted, tired, sad and nobody even bothered to get in a meter radius of him. Even Nines had kept quiet. He would come in later and later each day and every-time Nines asked if he was okay, Gavin grew more and more angry.
It was about 1 week of not being on his meds, bullying from his co-workers, and spiralling into depression when Gavin had had enough. Currently, Gavin was sitting at his desk, staring into nothing, and contemplating his life right then and there. It was honestly so easy. He could just swiftly reach over, grab his gun, and end it all. Who would miss him anyways? Every one at the d.p.d hated him. They would probably be glad he was gone. His brother certainly wouldn’t care. Ever since he made androids, he ignored gavin completely and he hadn’t even heard of him for about 15 years now. Nines? He was sure that Nines needed a better partner anyways. He was only a machine after all. He could never return Gavins feelings. Without even noticing it, Gavin had already reached over to his gun. Maybe he could just-
“Detective Reed? Are you alright?”
Oh right. Nines was still right in front of him, with his red led, watching his every move. He was still contemplating just ending it right here. Maybe Nines would be glad. He probably already thinks of him as pathetic.
You should just end your life.
Nobody will notice.
Do it.
DO it.
DO IT.
As swiftly as he could Gavin shot up from his seat, grabbed his gun and walked over to the break room. After one quick glance around the break room, he noticed it was empty. Good. If he were to end his life right now, he might as well end it in his favorite place. At this point, it was like someone was controlling him. His depression had finally taken over and was guiding him to his final destination. At least he will get to see his mom again. He walked into the break room and sat down in one of the chairs there, facing away from the door. After he dies, he hopes the motherfuckers here will feel sorry.
He hopes they feel his pain.
You’re such a fuck up Gavin.
Nobody loves you.
Your just desperate.
You love an android.
Pathetic.
Just die.
Your wasting space.
Gavin hadn’t even noticed he started crying until he pulled his shakey hand to his face. It was only then he realized he was having a panic attack. His heartbeat was irregular and high, he was trembling, and he was quietly sobbing. Slowly, Gavin took his gun out of his holister, clicking the safety off, and slowly bringing it up to his head. At this point, Gavin didn’t even try to suppress the relived smile that dawned across his face. He forgot where he was. All he could think of was getting off this God forsaken planet and finally seeing his mom again.
That is when Nines so graciously decided to walk into the break room.
“Gavin?! What are you doing?” Nines voice echoed through the room and his loud voice pierced through the silence.
Gavin turned around, gun still in hand to see Nines, led at a dangerous red. He looked like he was terrified and he looked at Gavin with both pity and hope. Hope that he wasn’t doing what he though he was doing.
Don’t listen to him.
He pitying you.
He will never love you.
Its fake.
End your suffering.
Gavin lightly smiled at Nines, knowing he will be the last person he will see. He did love the android after all, so he was comforted that he knew he would be the last person he saw.
“Gavin please put the gun down. Its not worth it.”
His voice almost sounded sad.
Ha.
Like anybody would care if he was gone.
“Don’t worry Nines. I want this. Il get to be happy again” Gavin said very quietly, voice croaky with how much he was crying.
“Why Gavin?’’ Nines asked, voice low and frightened, “Please dont do this. Just talk to me”.
‘’N-nobody will even care if I’m gone” Gavin threw back, “Just leave me alone. You wont understand”. After he finished talking, he couldn’t hold back the sob that escaped his lips. He didn’t even try to wipe the tears.
What’s holding you back?
Pull the trigger.
It will be worth it.
Just die.
“I want to understand Gavin,” Nines explained softly, “Just let me help you. Please...” It sounded like Nines was begging Gavin. Begging him to stay.
What are you thinking?
He doesn’t care about you, he’s only a machine.
At that, Gavin cocked the gun back and tightened his hand on the trigger.
“Do you know what its like to be abused for your whole childhood? To be scrapping up money, just so you can eat that day? To have people judge and taunt you every single day?” Gavin could feel himself get more panicky and he felt more tears running down his face.
“Gavin-“
“Nines I cant do this anymore! Nobody even cares about me anymore! I cant even wake up without feeling like shit! I have suffered endless days with nobody there and I know that everybody hates me. I would be doing the world a favour of being gone.”
“Gavin please-“
Gavins voice had gotten louder every time he spoke, and at that moment, he had a flashback to when he was twelve. “I saw her die nines! I SAW HER DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! ITS ALL MY FAULT!” It felt good to say it out loud.
His eyes were blurry from the crying, and he was sure that this was it.
Nows your chance.
Do it.
DO IT!
But before he had the chance to pull the trigger, he saw Nines. He saw how broken and sad he looked. His led was booming a bright red and he even had tears streaming down his face.
Tears?
Wait, Nines was crying for Gavin?
Gavin started to tremble so much that it was hard to aim the gun anymore. He cried so much that it hurt to breathe and he was sure he was in a crazy dream.
“Gavin! Please listen to me!” Nines’ words cut through his thoughts like a bullet. His voice seemed disoriented and staticky, and Gavin had never seen this much emotion on Nines ever. Nines was almost crying as much as Gavin was and he slowly moved closer to Gavin.
“Gavin please calm down. You have to look at me and breathe-“
One step forward.
“- I want to help you. I care about you-“
Another step forward.
“-I can help you through this. You have to listen to me.-“
Two more steps.
“Breathe in, and out. Everything will be okay-“
Now, Nines was almost in-front of Gavin. Without him even noticing, he was following Nines’ breathing. He was starting to calm down and he was finally coming to his senses. He was thinking of how much he loved Nines. Of all of their memories. He remembers the first times Nines met his cat, when Nines saw snow for the first time, (he looked so beautiful and fascinated and it was at that moment he found out he loved Nines),and even when they cried on each others shoulders.
“I love you, Gavin.”
Nines took his last step towards Gavin and wrapped his strong arms around him quickly. He dropped the gun and he immediately started to cling onto Nines like his life depended on it -maybe it did- and he was sobbing so hard, he forgot about everything. The only thing that mattered was Nines.
Nines.
Nines.
Nines.
He could hear Nines also softly crying, and he could hear him tell him reassuring words in his ear. After awhile of calming down, he got pulled into a soft and loving kiss.
Hm. Maybe life wouldn’t be so bad after all.
When they pulled away for Gavin to breathe, Gavin mumbled
“I love you too, you stupid tin can.”