Chapter Text
1991
As he flicked through the letters, a small handwritten envelope caught his attention and his heart began to thump loudly.
Claire .
The way her letters always ended seemed to be with a harder touch. Like she deliberately wanted to mark the letters end. Yes, Jamie would know her handwriting anywhere.
Open or throw away? Jamie debated with himself as he sat by his kitchen table. The letter in one hand and his coffee cup in the other. The smart thing to do would have been to throw it away and forget all about it.. Apparently, he wasn’t that smart.
———
Jamie.
It has been years. We haven’t talked at all and you must be wondering why. I know you are because I’m asking myself that very question as I’m writing this. I don’t really have an answer, except that I simply miss you. There, I said it. I miss you.
If you feel the same, just a little, even in the slightest, meet me on the 8th, You know where.
Claire Beauchamp Fraser.
———
“She hasn’t changed her name.” Jamie stared at the name. Her name. His name. Theirs .
He read the letter again. The 8th.
That was today.
Do I miss her? That really wasn’t the question Jamie should be asking himself. Because he did, terribly .
The question should be “How much more would he miss Claire if he saw her and then she just left again?” It would make it worse. So much worse .
His best friend. His wife, even. Claire. She was here, in Scotland, but for how long? Why?
This was the first time in four years Jamie had heard from Claire since she disappeared four years ago. He never knew why, she just vanished into thin air. He spend weeks, months searching for her, nothing.
Apparently, Jamie wasn’t a smart man after all. He scolded himself as he got into his car and started driving to the place where it all began.
He did so without even the slightest hesitation, or care for his new life and sanity.
The fact that he had sprayed on the cologne- her favorite - "just because" before he left his house further proved that he was an idiot.
He held onto the steering wheel so forcefully, Jamie feared it would separate from the car itself. His stomach was rioting either because of his idiocy or desperation. Both could be applied. He felt hungry all of a sudden, his back itching. He tried to convince himself that it only was because he wanted answers.
It had been four years since they last saw each other, since Claire disappeared. That was forty-nine months. It was too many years that Jamie had grieved and yet, here he was, walking further away from his parked car and into the forest. With the numerous times he had been there, he could have walked blindfolded and still find the little dunn by the river.
Their secret place.
Maybe she already left? If it was wishful thinking or panic, he didn’t know. But Jamie started walking faster.
Surrounded by trees, Jamie abruptly stopped in the middle of path. There she was - Claire - just a few feet away, facing the river, awaiting him.
—-
London.
That’s where they met in 1981.
They had both been part of a special military division. Claire Beauchamp, the combat nurse, had been loud and irritating, running around like she was in charge. John Grey, who actually was in charge, was a close friend from college and they had joined the army at the same time.
Other than the three of them, there were the twins, Frank and Jonathan Randall, then Thomas Christie, William Mackenzie, and Angus Mhor.
The small group of eight. Other than Jamie and John, they were all strangers who had been very decisively and thoroughly handpicked from the army to operate this secret mission.
Claire and Jamie had nothing in common. They were nothing alike. If Jamie said no, Claire said yes. However, it didn’t take long before they crashed into each other. Their friendship was sudden and unexpected, but welcomed.
1981.
“Jamie,” his friend, John Grey, shouted across the room. “Come here!”
They had the night off. That meant spending a few hours at the local bar. It was at the end of their special military training. They were leaving London to go to Yemen in a few days. Neither knew exactly yet what they were supposed to be doing, other than serving their country.
Jamie grabbed his beer and walked over to John, Jonathan, and Claire. She was laughing uncontrollably over something.
“Ye called...”
“Yes.” John laughed. “Miss Beauchamp here is surely convinced that she can win a wrestling match with you.”
“I see.” Jamie frowned. “And why are ye having this discussion?”
“Because, Jonathan doesn’t think this is a place for women.”
“It’s not a place for anyone.”
“Good point,” Claire agreed. “But to prove my worth, I thought I would challenge the biggest man here and that is you, Fraser.”
“Ye expect me to fight ye?”
“Yes.”
“I will have to politely decline,” Jamie leaned against the bar. “I dinna fight for fun and especially not with women.”
“You are ruining it. I want to be treated like every other man here. I know I will win.”
“Sure, lass.”
“Prove me wrong?”
“I will not. Ye canna provoke me, Beauchamp.”
“Why? Don't you want to help me?”
“Because I don’t want to harm ye.”
“You underestimate me, Fraser.”
This had been their longest conversation and Jamie still couldn’t figure Claire Beauchamp out. She was smart, that he knew, and her medical skills would prove useful when they left for the Middle East- Yemen specifically.
“How about arm wrestling?” Jamie suggested and Claire's face lit up like a Christmas tree.
They quickly removed the bottles and glasses from the table. John moved from his seat and Jamie sat down across from Claire. He placed his elbow on the table and waited with his hand in the air.
“Don’t hold back.” Claire took his hand. Her hands felt cold and he didn’t know if he should let her win or not.
“Ready, set, go.”
Claire was strong, not stronger than him of course, but she did her best. He didn’t want to shame the lass and win straight away, so he just held onto her as she silently tried to make his arm move. He didn’t budge, but Jamie did watch her. She really was beautiful and he wondered how he hadn’t noticed it before. They had spent two weeks together. Maybe her constant talking had been distracting him. But now, he saw her.
After a little while, Claire’s hand was shaking with exhaustion and she looked so frustrated at their joined hands, it made him laugh out loud. Suddenly, he felt a bang of pain and lost all concentration.
Claire had kicked his leg and the pain had distracted him long enough for Claire to take advantage and his mouth fell open in shock when his hand hit the table with force. She cheated. She won.
Claire smiled.
“We never set any rules.”
“Ye still cheated.” Jamie smiled back. “I wonder what you would have done to distract me if we had been wrestling for real.”
“I would have kissed you.”
That surprised him, and the fact that he wanted her to surprised him even more.
“I dinna think that would work.”
“What?” Claire played hurt. “It wouldn’t?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I am never letting my guard down around ye again.”
“That’s fair,” Claire answered softly. “I guess I’ll have to earn your friendship, and then, when you least expect it, I will kiss you.”
———
Present.
Just the sight of her made Jamie feel that he had been impoverished of emotions, and that his shirt was buttoned too tight, making it harder to breathe-- which was literally impossible because he was wearing a white cotton t-shirt under his jacket.
He hadn’t even seen her face yet.
It was springtime in Scotland, cold as hell. But Claire, always the rebellious one, only wore dark blue jeans and what looked like a thin, grey knitted cardigan, and based by the way her hands were going up and down her arms, she was probably regretting her decision not to wear a jacket.
“Hi stranger.” He tried to play it casual. But that had never been one of his strong suits in her presence. He felt even more like an idiot.
Claire slowly turned, her curls bumping and swirling. It was shorter than the last time he saw it, ending just above her shoulders. But beautiful as always. Jamie‘s gaze was fixed on the details of her hair, to avoid directly looking into her eyes.
But it was inevitable.
A moment of silence. The whole world was silent.
Claire only smiled as she walked the short distance over to him. Did she feel it? Did she hear the birds quietting, or the wind suddenly slowing down? Jamie did and he regretted all the decisions, all the turns he had needed to take to get here.
“Have you grown since I last saw you?” Claire asked softly. “Or have I shrunk?”
“Yer standing downhill,” he remarked, his voice surprisingly matching her softness.
Claire just continued smiling and there it was again. The silence. A quiet moment trapped in time just because they existed. Standing on the same ground - finally - reunited.
“I was afraid...” Claire stepped closer. “That you wouldn’t come.”
“Why, am I here?”
“Because you missed me.”
I have. Jamie said to himself. He refused to say it out loud. But his presence said it either way.
“Claire.” He said her name, he had said it so many times but now it was different. He even saw that she felt that too. “Why are ye here?”
“Didn’t my letter explain it?” Claire let out a soft laugh, and he could tell she was nervous. He knew everything about her, or at least he used to know. “I missed you, Fraser.”
“Not a word in four years.” There was no way to drag it out. He was still surprised how calm he was. “That’s thirty-two in dog years...”
“How can you possibly know that? Do you have a dog?”
“Maybe.”
“Never saw you as a dog person, Fraser.” Claire avoided his question. Dragging out the inevitable.
“There are things ye dinna ken about me, Fraser .”
His name. Her name. Theirs .
“Have you missed me, Jamie?”
Jamie stood still. He hadn’t moved an inch and had been doing his very best to stay there. Every single time Claire did this, she made him forget that he had ever been angry with her. He hated it. Surrounded by trees and the sound of the river behind her. The question remained unanswered long enough to make it awkward.
“I’m here,” he finally answered.
“Will you give me permission to touch you?”
It was a request Claire often made because of their past. Because of both the invisible and visible scars they both wore.
“Depending on where.” It just came out and it sounded like a joke and inappropriate bantering and that was not his intention. But Claire laughed, seeming to relax a bit.
“Show me your restricted areas and I’ll avoid them.” Her hands were up in the air.
“Not my face.”
Claire stopped laughing when she heard the sudden seriousness. Because he was. She was not, under any circumstances, allowed to touch his face, because Jamie knew he would melt and probably cry if she touched him there.
It was tense and the second Claire’s body slowly came closer in a strange embrace, his heart dropped, feeling heavy as stone and he was sure it was broken. Nevertheless, as the idiot he was, Jamie wrapped his arms around her, hugging her back and resting his cheek on top of her head. He breathed her in, noticing that her hair smelled fruity and different. He shut his eyes closed. I shouldn’t have come.
“You smell like home.” Claire buried herself deeper into his chest. She was shivering, probably from the cold. Her hands slowly sneaked inside his open jacket for warmth. He didn’t even try to stop her. He didn’t want to stop her.
“Yer not answering my question.”
“You are not answering mine.”
Jamie sighed, exaggeratingly loud and dramatic, just because.
“I have missed ye, Claire.”
“How much?”
“Dinna push it..”
“Do you want to know how badly I have missed you?” Claire asked, still standing with her cheek against his chest. He wanted to hear it. But it would make it worse. All of it.
“Best if I dinna know.”
“Are we still best friends?” Claire asked, the softness in her voice, her presence was untouchable, both calming and alarming.
“Jamie?”
His body reacted by immediately going into a defensive mode.
“I dinna ken, the word friend seems like a lie.”
Claire perked her head up and brown met blue. It was horrible, and yet amazingly beautiful at the same time. Narrowing her eyes, she looked at him.
“ We have never been a lie.”
“Every single day we have spent together was a lie, Claire.”
“How can you say that?”
Jamie release her and backed away. This was clearly his biggest mistake. Coming here and expecting not to feel when he knew he would. Claire looked hurt, but that was her own damn fault. Not his.
“Friends don’t leave. Ye disappeared, Claire.” This was a mistake. Jamie turned his back to walk simply away. But Claire stopped him by firmly grabbing his right arm, pulling him back.
“Doesn’t it count for something that I am here now?”
She sounded so desperate.
He was desperate.
“How long until ye leave again?” Jamie asked through gritted teeth. He was done with this happy reunion pretense. “How many days do I get with ye, just to be left again?”
“I didn’t leave you .”
“Jokes on me, then.” Jamie pulled his arm back, more aggressively than he planned, and turned around to try to leave once more. But Claire was quick to grab his arm again, forcing him to stop walking. He didn’t turn, but he felt her eyes on him.
“Why are we still married?”
“Why shouldn’t we be?” Claire answered like it was the simplest thing. “We love each other.”
Jamie sighed and turned around to face her. Claire was talking about love, about them, and it made him furious. This was not love, yet he loved her.
“Yer not suppose to marry yer best friend.”
“Well, you did. I did. We did,” she replied softly.
Claire still hadn’t let go of his arm, she was tugging the hem, slowly pulling him back. Jamie tried to resist. His eyes quickly darted from her eyes down to her lips. She reflexively flicked out her tongue and licked her lips and he did the same. They had kissed before. Four times, but that’s nothing based on the years they had known each other.
Still. He remember the softness of her lips, the way she tasted in every season of the year. Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. A complete orbit around the sun. How many times had the Earth traveled approximately 940 million km at the speed of infinity since they met?
Ten times around the sun. Ten years.
“Claire Beauchamp Fraser ,” Jamie warned her, but also himself by adding his own last name as a reminder. She still didn’t stop pulling his jacket sleeve.
“James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser .”
“Ye canna...” Jamie resisted the urge to shout at her. “I have been completely fine since I came to terms with yer disappearance. I accepted it and moved on.”
“Moved on...Have you forgotten me, then?”
“I have a girlfriend,” Jamie said dumbly. “And she has never heard yer name, Claire, that must say it all.”
Claire and Jamie had never been together in a romantic way, even though he wish they had. They were married, still, but never had they been nothing more than “friends”.
“For how long have you been together?”
Did he want to make her jealous? Jamie wondered. Of course he did.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Just curious.” Claire suddenly looked hurt, but held her face together with gracefulness. “Just wondering what she will say when she hears that you are married.”
“We didn’t marry for love, Claire. I’m sure she will forgive my indiscretions.”
“I married for love.” Claire looked down on her hand to the silver band on her finger. Jamie had missed that glimmering little detail. She hadn’t taken it off.
Doesn’t matter.
“How did ye get here anyway?” Jamie asked, irritated. The parking lot had been empty except for his own car.
“I walked.”
“Yer stupid.”
So, so stupid.
“It is a lovely day, I didn’t see the point in ruining the environment by renting a car. The crispy air and cold wind only did me good.”
“How long have ye even been here? Why did ye come?” Jamie felt more and more frustrated. “And why can’t ye ever wear a bloody coat lass, it’s freezing.”
“I have been here, waiting for a long while and I have said why I’m here.” Claire smiled again. “And why should I wear a coat to shut out the world? I have missed feeling the Scottish air.”
“Because yer turning blue.”
Bloody hell.
He was so angry with her. He wanted to scream and shout, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Claire getting sick, not again. Jamie scolded himself as he slowly took off his jacket and silently handed it to her.
“Why can’t I just stay close to you?”
“Christ. Just take the jacket.”
“I don’t understand you.” Claire then put on his jacket and she drowned in its size. “I understand that you are angry, but what’s the point of being so when it can all be over tomorrow?”
“Where have ye been?” he asked again, ignoring Claire’s careless view of the world. “I’m not…”
“You are not what, Jamie?”
“Ye ken what I mean...”
“I don’t. I really don’t. You are not, what? My best friend, my husband...”
“I’m yer husband on paper. Nothing else. Not anymore.”
“Fine.” Claire answered irritatedly and quickly took of his jacket and threw it over him. “I’m trying here. What do you want from me? I have missed you, every single day, Jamie.”
“I want...a divorce.”
Divorce. Separation. Split myself in half.
Claire looked furious and that provoked him.
“I dinna need to be marrit to ye anymore,” he shouted. “No more hospital visits, no more illnesses. Yer fine, ye look healthy enough. Ye dinna need me.”
You don’t love me.
Claire had been dying a few years ago and Jamie hadn’t been able to visit her at the hospital because he wasn’t family. But they had been best friends, closer than that even but neither one admitted it. He married Claire, 1984 to be close to her, without doubt or hesitation, and even if he tried to ignore his the warnings of his beating heart, damn him he would do it all over again.
“Till death do us part,” Claire said. “Or did you only mean it when you thought I was dying, Jamie?”
Boom. He was struck. It felt like Claire had shot him, and the blown was lethal, deadly. The wound - her words - was making him speechless.
Holding his jacket in a firm grip, he slowly took a stepped forward and wrapped it around Claire’s shoulders.
“Give me the papers and I will sign whatever you want. Then I will be out of your way.” Claire tried to calm down, but she was frustrated. “Alright?”
“Great.”
Just like that.
“Can I meet your girlfriend?”
“What?”
“Yeah, if it’s not too much.” Claire smiled shyly. “Would really like to meet her.”
Christ.
“Will ye tell me where ye have been if I say yes?”
“Someday.”
Jamie rolled his eyes as he shook his head. Claire had always been special, but never this cryptic and secretive, not with him. They never used to have secrets, except for how they truly felt about each other, but they both knew that didn’t count. But they fought against it.
“I don’t think you said her name?”
“Whose?”
“Your girlfriend, Jamie...” Claire chuckled and then looked at him silently. Sadness was written all over her face. Evidence of her sleeping badly he noticed too.
“Laoghaire.”
“Sounds familiar...”
“I’m pretty sure ye haven’t met her.”
“What does she look like? I always wondered what your type was.”
“I have had girlfriends before.”
“They never lasted.”
They weren’t you.
“Short, blonde, and short-tempered.”
Jamie caught himself feeling bad, Laoghaire was his girlfriend and he described her as a child.
“Ah. Blonde . I would have guessed red.”
“Why?”
“So you could have cute red headed babies.”
“Doesn’t my hair count?”
“It does.”Claire smiled again. The dynamic of their relationship had not always been like this. They had fought often but not like this. Both were stubborn and decisive. They were like a stormy weather, bright one second and gloomy and dark the the next. A whirlwind of emotions, always.
“So, can I meet her?”
Jamie hesiated, how would he explain this to Laoghaire?
“I won’t tell her that we are married, Jamie, if that’s what’s bothering you.”
“I’m not bothered.”
“You are, I can see it in that little wrinkle...” Claire reached out to touch him, but stopped and retreated. Probably because he had asked her not to touch his face.
“I didn’t come to disrupt your life Jamie. I simply came because I missed my friend.”
There it was again. The silence.
They had been through so much, their friendship was special. Everyone always thought they would end up together, but they never did. They only married because of the fear of death and being apart.
The unspoken love. That hadn’t gone away.
“For how long are ye staying?”
“As long as you need,” she said.
Forever?
——
“Where are yer things?” Jamie asked when they got into his car, just holding the car key in his hand, not ready to leave just yet.
“At the bed and breakfast.”
“Ye can stay at my place.”
“Jamie, it’s fine. You don’t always need to rescue me.”
“I’m not,” he objected, even though there was truth in her words. “I just don’t see the point when I have a spare room.”
Pathetic . Jamie thought, he sounding so desperate. Needing Claire to be close and afraid she would leave again.
“What about your girlfriend? I guess she won’t appreciate you having your wife there.”
“Friend,” Jamie corrected unnecessarily. “And Laoghaire doesn’t live with me.”
“Oh. I just assumed.”
“Aye, yer good at that.”
Jamie was behaving badly and he hated himself for it. But he couldn’t control himself. There was too many unanswered questions. Where had she been all this time and how dared she come back without a proper explanation. The words “ I miss you, Fraser.” was dancing around in his head.
“You know what, this was clearly a mistake.” Claire jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut hard and slowly started walking away.
Irritated, Jamie stayed and just watched her leave. Thought it maybe was for the best. But he couldn’t stand the thought of her walking alone in the cold.
Jamie started the car and drove slowly after her, then rolled down his window when he was by her side.
“Get in the car.”
“No.”
“Get in the bloody car, Claire!” he shouted as he hit the breaks and she stopped. Claire hands turned into fists and she kicked his car door.
“You don’t order me about!” she shouted back at him and kicked his car door again.
Jamie jumped out of his car and towered over her. Thousands of horrible things went through his head and all he could say was “Please.”
Claire refused to look at him and every bone in his body ached. He hated that she was here, but he hated the thought of being without her.
“As long as I need ye, ye promised to stay.”
“Say it.”
“I need ye.”
Claire silently nodded, and without looking at him she walked around the car and sat down in the car again.
Why did he want her to stay? Jamie had been trying to escape her since he got here. He would go down in history as the stupidest man on Earth. He had practically begged her to stay.
Jamie took a deep breath before he jumped into the car again. They didn’t speak as he drove away further away from the place that had been once sacred and theirs.
——-
Back at Jamie’s house, they sat next to each other by his kitchen table, it had been just hours since he sat there and read Claire’s letter and suddenly here she was.
“What’s the plan, Claire?”
“I don’t know, settle down and just be.”
“Here in Scotland?” Jamie quickly asked, surprised and took a sip of his coffee. His heart was pounding, she was staying?
“Yes, I wanted to be close to you.”
“Do ye even hear how absurd this situation is...”
“I do, first class drama.”
“That goes without saying. But why?”
“How many times do I have to tell you? I missed you, Jamie and you are the only family I have.”
“And ye still don’t want to tell me where you have been?”
Claire looked everywhere except at him. Her eyes darted around, and did she look worried or scared?
“It’s classified.”
“Christ.” Shocked, Jamie just stared at her. Had Claire join the military again?
“Don’t ask me, because I can’t tell you.”
“It would explain things...if ye had just told me. We are married.”
“Not for long...”
“Claire.”
“Someday, I will tell you, Jamie. Not today.”
Suddenly Jamie heard the front door open and shut close with a loud bang, a dog barking, clothes rustling in the hallway, then the sound of high-heels approaching and he nervously looked over at Claire, but she seemed calm, joyful even.
“Jamie?” Laoghaire called out. “Where are ye?”
“The kitchen.”
Here we go.
Laoghairy walked into the kitchen, holding her little dog, Charles, in her arms, her smile fading a little as she noticed Claire sitting by his side at the table.
“Oh. Hello.”
“Hi. My name is Claire Beauchamp F...” She caught herself before she finished her whole name and quickly diverted her attention to Jamie. “I’m an old…acquaintance.”
“Nice to meet ye. Laoghaire Mackenzie,” she answered politely, but Jamie saw she was acting nicer than she appeared. She was the jealous type. “I’m Jamie’s girlfriend .”
1982.
They were back in Scotland for two weeks, and everything felt different, Jamie was different. The only comfort he had was that Claire was with him.
They were home to heal.
Lallybroch.
His family loved her, of course they did. Even Jenny. William looked smitten. His mother, Ellen, was secretly joyful. Nobody asked why he brought her and nobody asked why they slept in separate rooms. But they treated her like family immediately.
He was sick of giving the ‘we are just friends’ speech and appreciated their discretion.
Jamie had been home for four days and it had been hard adjusting to “normal life.” Even if it was temporary. He had nightmares, the things he had seen haunted him and he wondered if the military life really was for him. Their mission had been said to be easy, but was everything but. They weren’t even done. Not even close.
Claire was struggling too, he saw it in her eyes even if she didn’t tell him.
Jamie was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling when his door cracked, then slowly opened. Claire snuck in and silently crept under the covers and just started at the ceiling as well. She was so close, but they didn’t touch.
“Ye okay?”
“Are you?”
“No.”
Claire rolled over to her side, facing him. Jamie saw the evidence that she had been crying.
“I don’t want to go back, Jamie.”
“Me neither.”
“Do we have to?”
“Aye.”
“I thought so,” Claire whispered. “Jamie? Do I have permission to touch you?”
“Ye have never cared to ask before? Why now?”
“Because...” Claire sighed. “I know how it feels, to be touched when it’s not comfortable to be touched.”
Jamie swallowed hard and waited. They had never been this intimate before, half naked in bed together. They were best friends, Claire was his comfort in life. But he also dreamed about her, in romantic ways he never would admit to anyone, especially Claire. This friendship was too precious to ruin.
“Would my touch be comfortable, then?”
They had been at the same place, but not really. Jamie was the soldier and she was the nurse. Fighting for the same mission, doing so differently. Suffering all the same.
“Yes.”
Jamie rolled over to face her. Even in the dark, her brown eyes shone through and he felt dizzy from losing himself in the depth of her. He wasn’t sure what would happen, he didn’t dare move or even breathe. He only knew he was willing to risk everything. Just once.
“Have I earned your friendship?” Claire asked, lowly as she slowly, so slowly came closer.
“Ye ken, yer my best friend.”
“Good.”
Claire was only wearing a shirt whereas Jamie was shirtless and when they laid, finally, close enough for him to feel the warmth radiating from her body, his body reacted. Not in the obvious way. His stomach started rioting, as if thousands of butterflies went wild inside him, his feet tingled with the desperate need to touch hers and know if they were cold or warm. His mouth dried out, dying to know if she was the river to save him from the drought.
Claire suddenly, but oh so intently, kissed him softly. Her lips tasted just as he had imagined and it only brought his body the need to feel more and less at the same time. It was their first kiss and Jamie wondered if it was the last. He was left speechless.
“I told you I would surprise you one day.”
Claire laid still, still just inches away from his mouth. The raw scars were still on his back, he felt no pain.
“Have ye been planning this distraction for a long time?” He chuckled softly. It felt nice to smile.
“Yes, since that day at the bar. I have been planning to win your trust and gain your friendship just so you would invite me here and I could kiss you.”
“Will we be ruined?”
“Never. Nothing could ruin us.”
“Good.”
————-
“How long have ye known each other?” Laoghaire asked. Jamie felt trapped in a overwhelming moment. His wife and his girlfriend. Blasphemy in deed.
“A very long time,” Claire answered. “We met in the army.”
“Jamie rarely talks about that time,” Laoghaire said and reached out for his hand. He suddenly felt like he wanted to chop the hand off rather than holding hers in front of Claire. But why would he bother to care how she might feel? She had left him.
“What happened, then?” Laoghaire curiosity came more from being nosey than really interested. “Why haven’t I heard anything about ye, Claire?”
“It was a lifetime ago...” Claire tried to casually brush it off. He knew it. But the scars they he wore were just as much a painful reminder as was her ring.
“Have ye ever been to Lallybroch? Met his parents?” Laoghaire continued her interrogation and Claire suddenly smiled. Jamie knew how fond she was of his family.
“I have. Jamie’s mother is my favorite person in the world.”
“Aye, my mum has always considered Claire as a daughter.”
“So, ye are like brother and sister?”
“Oh God, no!” Claire cringed and laughed uncontrollably as Laoghaire just stared at her.
“What are ye, then?”
Wife. Husband. Best friends. Strangers. Enemies.
Everything and nothing.
“Just friends.”
Jamie tried to not think of his time in the military, he had left before he finished all his missions. They both had. For the same reasons, and yet now he had found out that Claire had gone back without saying anything.
Classified , she had said. Did it change anything?
Five years in the military. Five years of being a controlled soldier, doing things Jamie never thought he would ever forget or forgive. But he hadn’t been alone. Claire had fought by his side.
But Claire had been his weakness. How do you go to war, trained to kill and serve your country, when the one you love was as reckless and brave as her. Claire was supposed to be the healer, the nurse who saved them when they got injured, but Claire couldn’t be just one thing, couldn’t be contained. She had picked up a weapon and ran into the fire and he ran after her.
Twice, had Claire almost died. Both times in his arms. One by bleeding, hurt in combat in Yemen and the other by an invisible disease.
In sickness and in health, Jamie stood by her. Married her because he loved her. Married her because he couldn’t stand the thought of her dying and not being one with her.
Then Claire recovered and vanished in 1987.