Chapter 1: 𝙋𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙈𝘽𝙇𝙀
Chapter Text
A story about;
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Little Namjoon
Kim Namjoon as the cute, adorable, mushy, squishy little nyumjoon
That's it.
Oh, wait!
AND
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The six obsessive, possessive, protective of the most incredulous handsome Bangtan Boys; Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook.
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Enough of the introduction.
Nothing to write.
Just read.
Lol
Uwu.
Chapter 2: 𝙊𝙉𝙀
Chapter Text
"Eomma..."
A sob echoed through the phone. The line became silent for a few seconds before there's a loud gasped from the other side. Namjoon holds tight his phone, pressing harder to his ears until it becomes red. He bits his lower lips trying not to cry further.
"Oh, my sweet darling...are you a little right now?"
Namjoon nods his head before he realized that his mother couldn't see him through the phone. "Hmmm..." he hummed as an answer and starts to sniffle silently.
He then averted his eyes to the closed door of his room. Trying to check whether he had locked the door or not. He released a sigh after he is confident that the door had been securely locked.
"Oh, what to do? You know I can't be there right?" Mrs. Kim voice strained with worries that she can't be with her son when he needs her the most.
"Hmm...Joon...Joonie knows..." he answered with a slurred voice. Getting deeper into the little space.
"Ok, darling...take a deep breath and listen to eomma okay?" Mrs. Kim paused for a moment waiting for Namjoon to answer her. "Okay, darling? You have to answer me so that eomma knows you're okay..." she continues.
"O-otay..."
"Okay. Get your favorite blue blanket, your cute and adorable Ryan then the coloring book...where did you keep them?"
Namjoon rolled his eyes while thinking about his mother's instruction. He slowly gets up from the bed and crouched down to the floor - peeking under his bed. He grinned sheepishly when he saw his golden chest. He spread his long arm trying to grab the box.
"Joonie darling? Did you find your box?" asked Mrs. Kim when Namjoon didn't give any response.
Namjoon huffed in frustration when his long arm is not too long for him to even touch the box. He jutted his lower lips. "Eom-eomma...Joonie can...cannot touch the boxy...too far..."
Mrs. Kim chuckles at the complaint. She can imagine how her son is pouting cutely right now. "Oh, it's okay. Do it slowly okay?" she coaxed.
Namjoon sighed deeply. He then put the phone on the floor, glanced over the screen to make sure he didn't cut the line unintentionally before he went under his bed and dragged the box.
He smiles wider with full satisfaction when he managed to get the box - quickly put the phone to his ears again. "Joonie has it!" he whispers yelled on the phone with excitement.
"Okay takes everything I said to you and find your safe place to do the coloring..."
"O-otay..." Namjoon opens the box, grab his pastel blue blanket with lots of tiny Koya on it and the coloring book.
"At what page have you done it, Joonie?"
"Hmmm..." Namjoon gnawed his lips as he flipped the page, looking at a blank page that still not been colored by him. He smiles when he saw all the beautiful color he had made before. "Ah...number...number ten... it's ten eomma!"
"Okay...so go to your safe place now darling..." Mrs. Kim further instructed. She can hear the footstep of Namjoon, scurried away as he squeaks happily. A smile curved on her face, feeling relieved that she was able to help Namjoon to deal with his little space even she was not there at his side.
Mrs. Kim frowned when she heard Namjoon closed a door. Didn't he in his room? Where is he going actually? Mrs. Kim never knows where is Namjoon's safe place in the BTS dorm and Namjoon himself never tells her about it. He'd been so secretive about that. Which makes her quite suspicious. And concerned, of course.
She did realize that none of the BTS members know about her son's little secret. Namjoon was not comfortable to share it with his members, feeling ashamed that as the leader everyone was looking up at him. It is not right for him to show his weak side when everyone is relying on him.
"Joonie darling? Can you tell eomma where are you now? The safe place?" asked Mrs. Kim with curiosity at the peek.
Namjoon shook his head vigorously but later once again realized that his mother can't see that. He giggled at his stupidity before he answered his mother. "Uh-uh...no tell...it's...it's a secwet... only big Joonie know..."
Mrs. Kim sighed. "Okay...let me know that you're okay afterwards, okay?"
"Otay!"
The call ended instantly. Namjoon put aside his phone. He wrapped his Koya blanket around his shoulder, hugging his Ryan plushy on the left hand and the other hand starts coloring the image of Sailormoon - his most favorite cartoon.
"Wyan stay wif Joonie here otay? And...and no noise...look...Joonie makes Sailormoon pwetty!!"
Namjoon smiles as he keeps coloring. He starts to sweat because of the tiny space and the air condition won't be able to blast up to his safe place. But he will be fine for a while. But this is the place he's comfortable the most whenever he is in the little space. A place where the members won't find him if they ever came to his room.
In his closet.
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Chapter Text
It's a fanmeeting today.
Namjoon was nervous as lately, he couldn't help himself from regressing. He was too stressed with all the works - composing songs, dance practices, tours, photoshoots etc. He was tired and in need of rest badly. All his body is sore and his muscles are feeling tight.
Namjoon can hear all the cheering from the hall. He was getting more nervous while his stylist was doing his hair. He keeps on fiddling with the hem of his sweater. His favorite yellow sweater. He smiles fondly when he thought that it is the gift from his mother.
"Hyung?"
Namjoon trance was being interrupted by Jungkook's voice. He cocked his head to the side to look at the golden maknae. Jungkook was smiling, showing his cute bunny teeth to Namjoon.
"Are you nervous?" Asked Jungkook when the stylist finished doing her job and left the two.
Namjoon was taken aback at the sudden question. "Wh-what makes you said that?" He asked nervously.
Jungkook grinned. "Well..." He pointed at Namjoon's hand that still playing with his sweater. "You only do that when you're nervous, hyung..." He continued.
Namjoon instantly loosens up his hand, trying to hide his anxiousness from the maknae. He didn't want to make him worried about him. Not when he is the hyung and he is the one that should be appeared calm and stronger for his bandmates.
"No-nothing Kookie...I'm just thinking about something..." He lied effortlessly.
Jungkook frowned. "Hyung...this is a fanmeting only. We'd done these hundreds of times. Nothing to be worried about...So stop thinking too much, okay?"
Namjoon flinched when Jungkook put his hand over his and squeezed it lightly. Namjoon stares at Jungkook's hand that laid on top of his, feeling the warmth of it - his heart turn to serene and calm. He smiles fondly at the maknae.
"You've matured enough Kookie. We shouldn't call you maknae anymore..."
Jungkook pouted at the statement. "No, hyung! I'm still the maknae in this group. Your precious maknae! Don't steal the title from me, please! Not even after I'm sixty years old!!" He whined cutely.
Namjoon giggles at the whining. "Kookie.. You're so cute..."
Jungkook jutted his lower lips. "You're the cutest hyung!"
Namjoon eyes beaming at the compliment as he stares at Jungkook sheepishly. "I am...cute? Really?" His voice becomes thinner as if he was on the verge of regressing to his little space - unconsciously.
Jungkook arched his brows when he feels something odd. He gawked over Namjoon that smiling enthusiastly and his face was glowing in excitement waiting for Jungkook to answer him. Jungkook then cupped Namjoon's face, squished his cheek until his lips nozzles like a fish in need of air. Adorably funny!
"Yes, you are the cutest baby..." Said Jungkook playfully as he moved his hand on Namjoon's chubby cheek.
"Nuuu....nuuu Kookie...don't do that...my cheeks hurt!!" Namjoon whined at the gestures as he makes a grabby hand to remove Jungkook's firm hand over his face.
Jungkook let out a boisterous laughed, couldn't content himself at how cute and adorable Namjoon is right now. He squished the chubby cheek like he was doughing the flour for the last time before he let his hand go. He grinned when he saw how the fleshy cheeks now turn to obvious red.
Namjoon squinted his eyes towards the maknae while his lips jutted - now sulking. "It's...it's hurt Kookie!" He said while huffing. Obviously sulking and on the verge of regressing to little space further. Namjoon still oblivious to his state.
Jungkook grimaced as he cooed at his hyung aegyo. It's a rare sight for Namjoon to do that, except being forced by the members during their concert or fanmeeting. Namjoon was embarrassed to show such cute gestures - keeps insisting that he didn't suit to do so, not when he is obviously tall and looks manly. He always said that it will be creepy for him to do as such.
"Okay...okay...I'm sorry..." Jungkook said even though he doesn't feel sorry at all. Not when he was able to tease the leader and Namjoon looks so freaking cute!
Namjoon huffed. "No, you not!"
"Hyung...please don't be so sulky. You sounded like a kid..." Whined Jungkook.
Namjoon breathe hitched at the remarks. He then realized that he almost falls into the little space unconsciously. He almost exposed himself! Namjoon cursed at his oblivious act, now getting more nervousthann before.
He was lucky that the manager had interrupted the conversation asking them to get ready for the fanmeeting. Despite he was able to pull out himself from his little space - Namjoon still worried. He was restless all the times and keeps on playing with the hem of his sweater.
Until...
A cute girl comes to Namjoon, giving her a genuine smile. Namjoon being happy for her presence, showing her his dimple smile and the girl squeal adorably.
"Namjoon-oppa...you're so cute!" She said sheepishly. Too excited that she was able to see her bias in BTS with her own eyes. It was like a dream comes true. She's finally can die in peace. Dramatically true!
Namjoon cheeks slowly turn to a tinge of a pink hue. "Thank you..." He said shyly. "Your name?" He asked when the girl shoved him her journal for Namjoon to sign.
"Jaehee. Kim Jaehee..."
"What a lovely name..." He compliments while he put his signature at the front page of the said journal. He even draws his favorite character - Koya and gives her some encouraging words. As he always did for his fan.
Namjoon was taken aback when the girl gives him a paper bag and said that it's her special gift for her favorite oppa. Namjoon peeked through the paper bag before his eyes widen while looking at it. His heart pounded and Namjoon fidgeting from his seat.
Jaehee giggles at Namjoon's reaction. "I know how much you like Ryan...that's why I give you this...Can you...can you wear this for me?" She said with a little bit hesitant. Afraid that Namjoon will feel uncomfortable at her sudden request.
"Ah...I see...well..."
Namjoon bites his lower lip. He took a deep breather before he took out the gift from the paper bag. It was a cute Ryan headband together with a Ryan wristband. Namjoon squeal in his heart looking at how cute the accessories were. His eyes beaming with excitement as he try to fight himself from regressing.
"It's...it's cute..." He said, almost whispering while staring at the two items.
Jaehee smiles with satisfaction. "Let me help you, oppa..."
Namjoon couldn't even have the time to decline when Jaehee took the headband and put it on Namjoon's head carefully. Then, after struggling a little bit to put the wristband over his hand, Jaehee helps him to wear it properly.
"Oppa! You look so cute...." She screamed happily when she saw her gifts on Namjoon's.
"We...we...emmm..really?" Asked Namjoon a little bit slurred with his speech. On the verge of regressed to little space.
"Of course. You're really cute and adorable oppa...like a big baby boy!"
Namjoon feels contended at the compliment, giggles shyly as he covers half of his face - a habit whenever he is laughing. He then took out his phone, trying to take a selca. And when he looks at the screen, Namjoon totally forgot that he is at the fanmeeting and everyone is actually watching his antic - cooing how cute he looks right now.
"It...it's...pwetty!! Joonie wove it!"
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Notes:
Double updates. Lmao 😂
Chapter 4: 𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀
Chapter Text
"Joonie wove it!!"
"Joon?"
Namjoon cocked his head to the side, where Hoseok is looking at him with furrowed brows. Namjoon frowned before his eyes widen and he realized what he had done. He looks around where the fan cooing over his cute antics - which they thought he had done it for the sake of the fan.
Namjoon eyes become glassy as he stares at Hoseok - lips quiver, almost crying. "Sowie! Joonie sowie! Joonie..." He whispered as his breath starts to hitch.
Hoseok was shocked at the reaction, immediately hold his hand and glanced around to see if someone had noticed the commotion. Hoseok then rose up from his seat, slightly bow and apologize to the fan.
"Sorry, Namjoon suddenly feeling not well." He said hastily as he grabbed Namjoon's hand and dragged the poor leader to the backstage. The other members were flustered at the sudden action, looking at the two with confusion.
Namjoon who had been regressed to the little space fully starts to sobs while he follows Hoseok to the back. He couldn't stop thinking that he had done something wrong and Hoseok is mad. Hoseok looks so serious and Namjoon is afraid.
"Joonie sowie...sowie..." He keeps repeating the same words to Hoseok and he can feel how the grip on his wrist tighten. Namjoon winced in pain and he was devastated that Hoseok had kept walking - ignoring his crying and whimper.
"Sit!"
Namjoon flinched at the cold tone of Hoseok when they reached their fitting room at the backstage. Namjoon slowly moved the couch at the center of the room. He sits and lifted his knees and pressed to his chest as he keeps on crying.
Hoseok had been watching how Namjoon is doing right now - with confusion. He frowned when he saw how Namjoon look so small while he hugged his knees and rocking his own body back and forth on the couch. His heart-stricken at the tears shed by the leader - something that Namjoon rarely did except he was extremely emotional.
"Why...wh-what is going on?" Hoseok asked with exasperation. He had lots of question as to what, why, how, and some cursing words in his head but he knew that he need to be careful right now. He was afraid that he will make the leader become more stressed than he already is.
Namjoon ignores the question, leaving it unattended. Not that he didn't want to answer, he just can't. He was too deep in the subspace and he can't think anything but feeling scared and vulnerable. He thought Hoseok despised him. Hoseok sharp glare makes him shudder that the rapper now hates him for being little.
"Namjoon?"
Namjoon eyes were bloodshot due to the non-stop crying and his face was soaking wet with the tears when he rose his head to see Hoseok. He mumbles something inaudible, drowned with his sniffles and sobs.
"What is it Namjoon?" Hoseok asked.
"Jo...Joonie...wan...wan eomma..." Namjoon said between his sobs and starts to cry louder.
Hoseok eyes widen at the sudden commotion, feeling panic that he didn't know what to do. Then all the members swamp into the room, incredulously shocked to see their leader now crying out loud and Hoseok looks pale - paler than Yoongi.
"What the...what did you do Hobi??" Asked Seokjin in anger as he approached crying Namjoon. When he tried to touch the leader, Namjoon flinched out of fear and Seokjin was flabbergasted at the response. He curled back his hand and turned his body to look at Hoseok with wrath.
"I...I didn't do anything hyung...he was...he was like that when I asked him what's going on...and...and Namjoon is acting really weird!" Explained Hoseok, trying to justify himself from the ordeal.
"Then why he is crying?" Scolds Seokjin as he snarled over Hoseok.
"Did you hit him hyung?" accused Jimin as he peered over Hoseok, giving him the death stares to the said male. He really looks scary when he did that and no one in BTS even dares to go against an angry Jimin.
"Yeah Jimin! Why should I hit him??"
"Then what did you do to Joon-hyung? He was fine until you dragged him here!" Jungkook voiced out his opinion to Hoseok.
Hoseok gulped as everyone started to circle him and asking him what had happened to Namjoon. Namjoon from the couch, watching the whole situation with fear.
Why everyone is talking too loud? Did he do something wrong? Did everyone hate him now? Did everyone hate him for being little? Is Joonie a bwat?
There was a buzzing sound around his ears as he watched the six members arguing with each other. He pressed his knees to the chest further as he sobs. He was trying to muffle the sound of his crying as he thought the members hate it but it becomes worst later on.
When Namjoon let out a choked sound, everyone attention turns to him. When they saw how Namjoon's face had become red - too red actually; Seokjin immediately runs towards the younger.
"Hey.. Hey...Namjoon...calm down..."
Seokjin tries to coax the younger when Namjoon's breathing hard. His face was saline soaked with his tears. He carefully placed his hand on Namjoon's hand that been hugging his knees - afraid that the younger will react like before.
"Joo...Jo...joonie..."
Seokjin caressed on Namjoon's hand slowly, trying to soothe him. "Slowly...take your time..."
"Wan...eom...eomma..."
Seokjin averted his eyed towards Yoongi. His face evidently shown with worries and concerns. Namjoon was never acted like this, neither he will nonchalantly ask for his mother. It is really weird. And the fact that he can't make the younger to stop crying had made his heart clenched with agony.
"What should we do now?" asked Seokjin, voice lower than before, trying not to scare Namjoon further. His eyes on the rest of his members, asking for a solution.
"Call Mrs. Kim!"
Everyone gasped at Yoongi's suggestion but they knew that they had no other choice. Not when Namjoon didn't seem going to stop crying until or unless he talks to his mother.
Seokjin looks around the room, searching for Namjoon phone when he notices the phone with Ryan's case laid down on the coffee table. Seokjin tapped on the screen when he realized that it has password protected. He shows the screen to the members.
"How? Do anyone knows about his password?" Asked him. And all the members shook their head. Of course, no one knows and they never go through each other phones because it is their personal space.
Seokjin took a breather as he cocked his head towards Namjoon. "Namjoon? Can you...can you tell me the password? You know...for me to call your mother?"
Namjoon looks at his phone with stoic expression - still sobbing. Later he shook his head, answering Seokjin.
"Joo...Joonie can't...wemember..." told Namjoon and continue to cry. Namjoon in little space forgot almost everything and a simple password to his phone become really difficult for him.
Seokjin sighed at the answer and he looks again at the rest of the BTS members. They have the same expression as Seokjin right now. They were stupefied and lost. They didn't know how to deal with this kind of Namjoon.
"Wait...give me your hand Namjoon..." Said Seokjin out of sudden.
Namjoon flinched at the instruction, curled his both hands as he didn't want to do as been asked by Seokjin.
"Give me your hand...Joonie? Please?" Coaxed Seokjin when he saw how Namjoon curled himself in a defensive mode.
Namjoon hearing the soft and tender voice of Seokjin slowly shoves his hand towards Seokjin as his doe eyes watch how Seokjin hold his hand gently. Seokjin then put his finger at the back of Namjoon's phone, trying to use his fingerprints to unlock the phone. It's done within a second when his pointy finger touched the pad.
Seokjin didn't wait too long and immediately called Mrs. Kim and on the second ring, Mrs. Kim already picks up the call.
"Joonie darling?"
Seokjin clears his throat at the enthusiast voice of Namjoon's voice. "Err, sorry Mrs. Kim. This is Kim...Kim Seokjin from BTS..."
"Ah, Seokjin! Mr. Worldwide handsome, " tease Mrs. Kim as she let out a soft chuckle.
Seokjin faking a cough at the teasing as his heart welled up with pride that Mrs. Kim actually acknowledges his handsomeness. But that's not the important thing that he wants to talk with Namjoon's mother. He glanced at Namjoon that still crying and Seokjin notice how his eyes become droopy - almost fell asleep. He cooed in his heart looking at how cute and adorable Namjoon is.
"Err...Mrs. Kim...the reason I called you is about Namjoon..."
The line becomes eerily quiet and Seokjin feels restless. It took another second before he can hear how Mrs. Kim inhaled her breath. Deeply.
"Is he a little right now?" She asked as if she already knew what is the reason why Seokjin been calling her from Namjoon's phone.
Seokjin frowned at the question. Little? What is that? He steals a glance on Namjoon, trying to figure out the meaning of Mrs. Kim's word. Seokjin realized how Namjoon is been acting weird right now. And he was crying non-stop, asking for his mother. Other than that, his speech becomes incoherent like a kid. Is that what 'little' mean?
"I...I guess so? And he's crying asking for you...We...I didn't know what to do..." Seokjin said with hesitant. He looks at the rest of his members that still shocked and afraid to approach Namjoon. They were watching Namjoon from the corner of the room - restless.
Mrs. Kim groaned from the other side of the line, feeling guilty that she can't be with Namjoon at this moment. She also realized how Namjoon frequently regressed these days due to distress.
"Well...I think you need to bring him home. Get his box under his bed and take out the blue blanket. He will be okay after a nap..." She said, giving instruction to Seokjin how to deal with Namjoon's little space.
Seokjin doesn't take too long asking his fellow members to pack up their belonging. Lucky that the fan meeting had over and they can go back home immediately.
It's been really hard to convince Namjoon to get up from the couch. He was still sobbing, his body is shaking with fear when he saw the rest of the members scurried around the room. He feels intimidated with their presence. Seokjin then asked them to leave first and let him to coax Namjoon.
Seokjin smiles when Namjoon grip tightly on his sleeve while they were walking out from the place. He can hear the sniffles from the leader and how he constantly wiped off his snort with his sweater. It's gross but Seokjin didn't want to lecture the said male now. Not when he is fragile.
Namjoon was tagging along with Seokjin all the way to their van. He had another fit of cries when he saw the five members looking at him when Seokjin opened the door. Seokjin glares at them, asking them to turn their head away - which they obliged obediently.
Throughout the journey to their dorm, Namjoon was holding Seokjin's arm and hiding his face on Seokjin's wide shoulder. Feeling a little bit safe. His tears still rolling down his chubby cheek and he keeps mumbling his 'eomma', which makes the rest of the member's heart feel the pang of sorrow.
When they arrived at their dorm, Seokjin dragged Namjoon to his room followed by the members that really curious as to what is Seokjin going to do. The elder still didn't tell them what he had talked with Namjoon's mother yet.
When Namjoon sits on his bed, Seokjin peered on underneath of the rapper's bed and found out the box mentioned by Mrs. Kim. He pulled out the box and opened it carefully. His eyes widen when he saw lots of stuff in the box. Coloring books, color pencils, drawing block, soft toys, and the blue blanket. Seokjin grabbed the blanket and keep the box back to its place but makes a mental note to himself to ask about it when Namjoon is back to his old self.
Namjoon doe eyes widen when he saw his favorite blue blanket on Seokjin's hand. "Joonie sweep?" he asked innocently while pointed his finger at the blanket.
Seokjin nods with a soft smile. And he can hear how the members cooed at Namjoon from his room door. Those brats! Instead of helping just being a bystander!
Seokjin helped Namjoon to lay down and wrapped the blanket over his lanky body. "Just sleep okay. Then, we can talk about this later..." Said Seokjin tenderly, like he was talking to a kid.
Namjoon sniffs and nods while his droopy eyes staring at Seokjin. "Wyan?"
Seokjin frowned. Didn't fully grasp what the younger had said. "Wy-wyan what?"
Namjoon pouted. "Joonie can't sweep if no Wyan! He...he's Joonie fwend!"
Seokjin furrowed deeper, stirring his head towards the members - asking for an explanation. Everyone just shrugs their shoulder as they too didn't understand Namjoon's slurred speech. Seokjin mouthed 'asshole' towards them in anger.
"Can...can Joonie tell me where...where's Wyan is?" asked Seokjin. It is better to ask the younger to show him rather than battling with himself to figure it out and makes the younger further upset.
Namjoon perked up his head a little bit, eyes scanning through his room before he smiles wider when he saw his favorite Ryan lying down on the floor at the corner of the room. "There...Wyan is there..." He said while he pointed his finger.
Seokjin and the members look at where Namjoon's slender finger been pointed out and everyone goes 'oh' when they realized that 'Wyan' meant by Namjoon is his Ryan plushy. Seokjin was about to get up from the bed before Jimin moved forward and took the soft toy and bring it to Seokjin. Seokjin then gives the big Ryan plushy to Namjoon.
Namjoon squeaks in happiness and hugged the Ryan tightly. Everyone once again cooed at the leader. Despite being accustomed to Namjoon's addiction to Ryan characters but to see him squeal like a kid is another new experience for them. And Namjoon looks really adorable.
"Okay, now sleep..."
Namjoon nods his head tiredly and it just takes him not less than a minute for him to fell asleep. After hearing the soft snores of the leader, Seokjin tugged the blanket comfortably before he gets up from the bed slowly.
Now, everyone assembled at the living room with full of questions as they still confused as what had happened to their charismatic leader. No one can hide their confusion and curiosity because this is the first time they had to encounter such a situation.
"What happened to Namjoon?" asked Yoongi directly to Seokjin.
"What did his mother said to you, hyung?" Jungkook further asked.
"Why he acted like that?" Taehyung then asked.
"But he looks really cute!!" said Jimin with full of admiration.
"And why he talks like a kid?" Hoseok further asked.
Seokjin sighed at the bombarded questions, pinching the bridge of his nose as he starts to feel dizzy. He was about to say something when someone voice echoed in the living room.
"Daddy?"
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Chapter 5: 𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙍
Chapter Text
It feels hot. His body starts to sweat and he squirmed under the blanket. He kicked his favorite blanket unconsciously and slowly open his doe eyes. It was dark. He knew he is in his own room but it feels too spacey and spooky. His eyes start to well up with tears as he gets up from the bed.
"Daddy?"
As his eyes quiver around his room with trembling lips, he couldn't help but feel alone. He expects someone to be with him, here in the room when he wakes up. But no one is here. Not even his mother. Feeling so hot and stuffy in the room, Namjoon pulled down his jeans - leaving him with his yellow hoodie and his boxer.
With still sleepy eyes, he took his Ryan on his right hand - securely tug the plush under his arm and the other hand took his favorite blanket. He then took a step down from the bed, scurried away from the room and walked through the hallway. He was still half awake and his steps a little bit wobbling.
As he approached the living hall, he can hear a few voices which he recognized each of it. Namjoon stood in the hallway, looking at his members one by one that had some serious conversation. But he feels weird in his stomach. The churn feeling in it like he was going to pee at any time. He needs someone to help him to use the big and scary toilet.
But everyone seems oblivious of his presence. Namjoon jutted his lower lips, sulking a little bit. And he can hear everyone strained voice. But he couldn't understand any of it. He was too little to understand the adult talks. He was three after all.
"What happened to Namjoon?" asked Yoongi directly to Seokjin.
"What did his mother said to you, hyung?" Jungkook further asked.
"Why he acted like that?" Taehyung then asked.
"But he looks really cute!!" said Jimin with full of admiration.
"And why he talks like a kid?" Hoseok further asked.
Why everyone looks mad? Did Joonie had done something bad? Did Joonie being a bwat? Did they hate Joonie for being a little?
"Daddy?" His voice comes out as shaking and his eyes were glassy - on the brim of crying. He tugged his Ryan tightly to his chest and his other hand holds the blanket to his mouth slowly - and he bites the hem of the blanket nervously.
Everyone turned their head almost simultaneously at the voice. When their eyes meet with Namjoon's teary orbs they gasped out loud. A little bit exaggerated actually and it agitates the little one immediately.
Namjoon starts to sobs. "Da-daddy?"
As they tried to hold themselves from hugging Namjoon for being too cute right now, their expression changed drastically to confusion when Namjoon had been calling someone as 'daddy'. They look toward each other, didn't know to whom did the 'daddy' word being referred to.
Seokjin took the first step as always, approaching the sad little. "Hey, Namjoon. What is it? What do you want?" Seokjin asked and his voice so tender that the rest of the members firmly believes that the title of 'mother of BTS' suits him very well.
"Joonie...Joonie wan daddy..." said Namjoon while crying.
Seokjin brows furrowed. "Daddy? Who...who is your daddy Namjoon?"
Namjoon sniffs and wipes his snorts with his sleeves before he peeks through Seokjin tall body and pointed his finger at one direction. And everyone cocked their head with wide eyes except one.
"Yoongi???" Everyone shouted in unison and very loud.
Namjoon flinched at the rising voice, mistakenly thought that all of them were angry at him - breaks into a loud wailing as he slumps his body on the floor. Seokjin immediately runs towards the little and try to soothe him but failed miserably.
"Joonie wan daddy!!" Namjoon said while he wails out loud.
Seokjin then averted his eyes toward Yoongi that seems fazed about the whole commotion. Still in shocked that Namjoon had pointed over him as his 'daddy'.
"Yeah, Yoongi! What are you doing there? Come to your son!" Said Seokjin.
Yoongi choked his own saliva at Seokjin's words. "Wh-what son? He's not my son! This is absurd!" he yells at the elder.
And everyone was horrified when suddenly the living hall become eerily quiet. Namjoon had stopped crying and his wet eyes now peered over Yoongi. Namjoon sniffs and hugged his Ryan to his chest.
"No da-daddy? Daddy no wike Joonie? Joonie is bwat...Daddy hates Joonie?" his innocent voice that became so raspy after the cry now pry on Yoongi.
Everyone mouth gape at the questions by the little, now tilted their head towards Yoongi - waiting for the oldest rapper to answer Namjoon.
"Yah Namjoon! Why are you like this? You...you are acting really weird...and...and why are you...ca-calling me da-daddy?" retaliates Yoongi, obviously flabbergasted.
Namjoon breathe hitched at the answer as his doe eyes gawking at Yoongi. His tears roll down to his cheek, looking hurt and devastated. "Da-daddy no wan Joonie?" he asked again.
Voice almost inaudible as if he was afraid to ask and was afraid to listen to the answer. He hugs his Ryan and tightly clenched on his Koya blanket.
"Hyung... I think you shouldn't answer him like that..." Interrupt Jimin, a little bit worry of Yoongi's refusal and Namjoon's hurt expression. And when Jimin looks around to see his bandmates, most of them nod their head - agrees with Jimin, except Yoongi.
Yoongi then snarled over Jimin. "Then how should I answer him? He's been acting so weird. And that talk...he...he..." Yoongi couldn't continue his words when he realized Namjoon had silent tears over his face, looking at Yoongi with his innocent, cute and adorable eyes. Yoongi gulped bitterly.
"Daddy ha-hates Joonie?"
Yoongi was flustered as his eyes meet with Namjoon's hazel orbs - so round and beguiling that Yoongi couldn't help himself from enchanted and mesmerized.
"Answer him hyung!"
Yoongi flinched at the harsh tone of Taehyung, looking at him begrudgingly. He was upset that Yoongi had treated Namjoon like that and the fact that Namjoon had called Yoongi as 'daddy'. He was jealous!
"You hates him?" Jimin asked as he put his tiny hand to his mouth - at shocked that Yoongi hates the cute and adorable Namjoon.
"Seriously? Do you hate Namjoon? He...he look so cute and you hate him? Are you mad hyung? Everyone loves cute Namjoon!!" Shrieked Hoseok - a little bit exaggerated.
Yoongi rolls his eyes in irritation at his fellow member's reaction. "Yah! I didn't say that I hate him. I just...you know..."
"Then, come and get your boy Yoongi! Don't let me spank your dirty ass!" Scolds Seokjin as he had been listening to the conversation all the time. He didn't have any patience left in him, not when Namjoon silently cry when Yoongi refused to admit that he is Namjoon's daddy.
Yoongi flinched in fear at Seokjin's harsh tone, knowingly that the eldest in the BTS is really angry right now. You can see it from his eyes that been ogling towards him with a red face. Yoongi then slowly moved towards the two and cautiously crouched down in front of crying Namjoon.
"Talk to him, you idiot!" urged Seokjin when Yoongi doing nothing just sit there looking at Namjoon - flustered.
"Hey...Nam...Namjoon..."
Namjoon let out a small sob before he lifted his head and exchanged the gaze with Yoongi. He gnawed his lower lips. "It's...it's Joonie, daddy!" He said as he protested when the grumpy rapper keeps calling him Namjoon.
Yoongi was taken aback at the tantrum, scratching his neck sheepishly. "Okay...okay, I'm sorry Joonie. So, emmm... wow this is really awkward!" Mumbles Yoongi.
Yoongi yelp in pain when Seokjin smacked the back of his head for acting oblivious in front of Namjoon. But Yoongi says nothing to the eldest as he was afraid to make Seokjin angrier than he already is.
"So, Joonie... Why, why are you crying?" He asked carefully.
Namjoon puffed his chubby cheek. "Daddy, Joonie...Joonie wan-wan to pee pee...help Joonie..."
Seokjin and Yoongi eyes widen at the saying and they were in a panic mode when they see how Namjoon squirms on the floor as he clamps both of his feet trying to holding up his urine.
“Oh God! We need to go to the bathroom fast!” screamed Seokjin out loud. He looks at Yoongi as the rapper nods at him and both of them quickly stand up.
“Let’s go Joonie!” said Yoongi.
Namjoon then raised both of his hand towards Yoongi. “Up-up daddy!”
Yoongi was stupefied as he looks at Namjoon – waiting for him to pick him up in his arm. He can't imagine how his petite body will be able to hold the tall and lanky Namjoon. He will be squished to death!
Oh, God!
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Chapter Text
“Up – up…daddy!”
Yoongi was dumbfounded at the request, looking at Namjoon's innocent face as he makes a grabby hand asking the oldest rapper to pick him up. Yoongi incredulously bewildered as he keeps thinking how the hell he is going to pick the tall and lanky Namjoon. Isn’t that impossible?
But – but Yoongi wasn’t going to refuse Namjoon right? His inner conscience had been battling with his logic and rational thinking. However, right now in Yoongi's eyes, Namjoon looks so tiny and cute and adorable and squishy and – and Yoongi will be cursed if he ever let the little's down; right?
So what if he is going to break his spine into two? He still going to pick little Namjoon – right? Yoongi bats his eyelashes as he is still thinking the pro and cons of his further action.
“Daddy! Up – up daddy. Joonie…Joonie wan pee pee. Fast!” the little had been urging the elder to make a fast action before he pees himself. He doesn’t want to urinate in his pant. That will be grossed. Eww!
Yoongi took a deep breath as everyone was looking at him – didn’t know what the grumpy male will do at such a situation. As their heart beats erratically watching the crucial moment, everyone jaws dropped at one sentence uttered by Yoongi.
“Okay, let's daddy pick you up!” he finally said as he moved his hand forwards to pull Namjoon from the floor.
The little was too excited at the words, giggling as he took Yoongi hands and let the elder pull him with full force. Namjoon then quickly jumped over Yoongi, hugging the small and petite man like a koala – wrapping his long legs on Yoongi's waist and his hand on the neck.
Yoongi almost stumbles backward at the sudden weight, legs wobbling and he thought he’s going to break his spine into two – before he feels someone had helped him to stabilize his body from the back.
“Th – thanks…” he said while he grimaced in pain before he tilts his head to see the one who had held him. Hoseok.
Hoseok smiles at Yoongi. “Welcome. And you really do need a help hyung. Your face looks like that you're going to shit in your pant!”
“I never know you have a daddy kink, Yoongi!” tease Seokjin which makes everyone laughed at the jokes.
Yoongi groaned at the remarks but choose not to retaliates back when Namjoon whines that he almost peeing himself. Afraid that the male unable to hold himself any longer, Yoongi immediately scurried away to the nearest bathroom – followed by Seokjin and Hoseok.
They were in the small bathroom that can accommodate up to three people at one time – leaving Hoseok standing at the doorframe. Everyone staring at Namjoon who looks uncomfortable, playing with the hem of his sweater.
Now that he was standing in the middle of the bathroom, the three realizes Namjoon only wear his tight boxer up to the middle of his thigh. The three then suddenly can feel the heat on their face, flushed with red out of embarrassment, looking at how sexy their leader right now.
“Da – daddy…”
“Ye – yes Joonie?”
“Turn awound pwease? Joonie…Joonie wan to pee…” said Namjoon as he feels shy that the three males were staring at him.
“Oh – ow…Ah…yeah…Well sorry…”
The three was flabbergasted and notice that they were gawking at the leader’s thigh shamelessly. Despite being little right now, Namjoon still can think rationally about how he’s going to go naked in front of his bandmates. That will be too much obscene. They might be living together for years but to show the lower part of their bodies still not going to be very comfortable.
Namjoon quickly pulls off his boxer up to his knee and hesitantly sits on the big and gigantic toilet as if it’s going to suck him – but he really need to relish himself. He pouted at the thought being swallow by the toilet monster.
“Finish daddy!!” he screamed in joy, bouncing happily as the three male now turn their bodies to see Namjoon. They cooed at how cute Namjoon is acting right now.
“Uffff….” Yoongi groaned when Namjoon suddenly koala hugged him once again. Hoseok who sense the trouble suffered by Yoongi, immediately hold his back to prevent both of them to fall on the floor.
Hoseok then let out a soft chuckle and whispered to Yoongi ears. “You might have constipation if this keeps going on, hyung…” tease Hoseok while chuckling at the eldest grumpy face.
Yoongi squinted his eyes towards the rapper before he starts to walk out from the bathroom – with Namjoon hogging him, giggling that his daddy had picked him up.
Yoongi helped Namjoon to sit at the dining table, where Seokjin had ordered the rest of them to join the two. Everyone still in shocked as what is happening and staring at the leader who happily hugs his Ryan – given by Seokjin. Seokjin then wrapped the Koya blanket on Namjoon's lap, afraid the leader will get cold by wearing only boxer.
“So? What is happening to our Namjoon?” asked Taehyung when Seokjin took his seat beside Hoseok.
“Well, what Mrs. Kim had told me Namjoon is a little?” told Seokjin with vague voice, unsure of what is ‘little’ is all about. The whole thing is new to him and to all of them.
“A little?” Jimin and Hoseok let out almost a unison squeak. A little bit too loud that their voice had startled Namjoon.
“Joo – Joonie is little… you – you hate little Joonie?” he asked with his tiny voice, fiddling with his Ryan's ear – nervous that his friend couldn’t accept him being a little.
Seokjin grabs one of Namjoon’s hand that laid on the table – squeezed it lightly to soothe him. Namjoon looks at the elder and he smiles wryly when Seokjin does the same.
“Let me search about this thing first before we discuss further…” said Jungkook and took out his phone. His fingers swiftly type on the screen looking for the definition of ‘little’.
“I found it!” he screamed with excitement and start to read it out loud for the members. “Little space is where you get into the headspace of a child, entering a childlike carefree space away from the adult world. Its a way of coping from some sought of stress they may be experiencing.”
“If – if the stress had triggered the little space, doesn’t that mean that hyung had been facing it for quite sometimes? I mean all this time he had been stressing himself a lot and he says nothing to us?”
Everyone was in silent at Taehyung's outburst – in agreement with the vocalist. Their eyes now on Namjoon who seems in his own world, playing a peek – a – boo with his Ryan. They curved into a smile looking at how relax and serene Namjoon was, rather than he is in his normal self.
They know how much works need to be done by the leader. It’s twice or triple than the rest of the members. Composing songs, meeting with the PDs, dance practices, recording songs, interviews and the list go on. It’s really a heavy responsibility being the leader of BTS – the worldwide famous kpop band.
Not that they didn’t want to share to responsibility with the leader, but some works only Namjoon can manage to do by himself – especially if it is involving with interviews in English. Jungkook had been brushing his English skills and it's getting better but still, he is not confident to answer some complicated questions.
Being the leader of BTS is really stressful. They know the fact and they tried their best to help Namjoon. Namjoon always absorbs the stress for them – from the company as well as the netizens, especially the anti-fans. They know how harsh some hates comments were and Namjoon had been dealing with it since their debut days. They didn’t know how much the leader had swallowed the hate comments – about how BTS is a failure and how Namjoon is the worst leader.
It hurts. All of them. The comments that say BTS won’t stay long enough in the industry, BTS has no magic in Korea entertainment industry, BTS was not a visual idol and all the bad and downgrading remarks on each member. They have been facing such hardship in their early years, being hated and being humiliated just because they signed with a small company – BigHit. And they still remembered how they had circulated the flyers themselves on the street for their first concert abroad.
But looks what had they achieved nowadays. They were at the top of the world. And they were going to be the top of all. They believe that their hardworks finally been paid off. Everyone was proud of them, giving them full support and they have the best fan ever. The army was there for them, through thick and thin – giving all the support, loving them at their worst and at their best. They were blessed.
And the person who had to bring them to this fame; Kim Namjoon. He is the one who had lead BTS with full efforts, hard works, and faith. When they were even thinking about disbandment because it is too hard for them, Namjoon is the one that been holding them – asking them to believe him, asking them to give BTS a chance; that they will be successful one day. Just believe.
They did. They put their trust in Namjoon, being their best leader and working so hard that they can achieve what they have today. Namjoon had brought them together as BTS and Namjoon had proven that BTS is the best and he is the best leader they could ever have. They were thankful that Namjoon had never given up with them. BTS won't be here today if it is not because of Namjoon.
“I think we never do anything for Namjoon – hyung, as much as what he had done for us. We always depend on him whenever we had a problem knowing that he can solve it for us. But we forget to do the same to ease his burden. We thought, as the leader, he can handle everything. Which he did. But he still need us, right? He still wants to depend on us when he feels down, right?”
Jimin couldn’t hold his tears as he speaks his mind. His eyes fixated at the leader, feeling his heart been clenched with pain that he couldn’t be the shoulder for Namjoon to lean as Namjoon always did for him. He was too oblivious and he feels that he had failed himself as Namjoon's dongsaeng.
How Namjoon was there for him when he was struggling with his diet and eating disorders. How Namjoon always hugs him when he saw the negatives comment saying something bad about his chubby physics. Namjoon who always say that he is beautiful inside and outside, no matter what had the other people said about him. That Namjoon.
Namjoon lifted his head when he heard the sobs and his eyes widen seeing Jimin is crying while Taehyung wrapped his hand over Jimin's small frame.
“Dada? Cwying?”
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Notes:
Hey, it's going to be an angst right? Lmao
And I want to take this opportunity to apologize for my mistake, using the fanart from Ramon without his/her permission. And if you realized I had changed the cover on Introduction. I take it as my oblivious act and I should be more careful in the future. I won't say any excuse to defend myself on that matter. Sorry for the inconvenient caused.
Despite that, I hope all of you will keep on reading this story and I will try my best to be a better writer and a better person too.
I 💜 you Uwu
Chapter 7: 𝙎𝙄𝙓
Notes:
A fast update because I'm too excited? Lmao.
Thanks to my insomnia that I can't sleep for two days that I end up writing this. Lol 😂
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 : The content of this chapter or section may seem obscene or offensive to some readers. It contains ‘strong language’, or ‘scenes' some readers may find upsetting. A mark of (⚠️) will be put before and after the paragraph, you can skip it if you want.
Read at your own risk.
“Dada? Cwying?”
Jimin perked up at the name, looking at Namjoon who had been staring at him with his round glassy eyes. Jimin's mouth gaped at the sight before he puts both of his hand on the cheek and squeals happily. Forgetting how he had been crying just now.
“Me? Dada? Really Joonie? Omo!!! I’m Joonie's dada! I’m going to die!!!” He said dramatically before he shot up from the chair and bolted towards Namjoon – hugging the said male, almost crushing the poor little.
Namjoon pouted at the action, scrunching his nose as Jimin been hugging him too tight that he feels his body been squished and he can hardly breathe.
“Dada, no! Joonie…Joonie can’t bwih! Lemme go, pwease!!”
Jimin let out a boisterous laughed, feeling his heart almost exploded with Namjoon cuteness. As he let go his arms, Jimin moved to palm Namjoon's face – squishing the chubby face of the leader. Up and down, round and round like he was dough-ing the flour.
“Dada!!” Namjoon scolds Jimin for his playful demeanor as his lips nozzle at the action.
Jimin giggles. “Aigoo! My baby is so cute that dada can’t hold himself from squishing youuuuu…” said Jimin teasingly and let go of his hand. He grinned when he saw how red Namjoon's cheek was and the said male now puffing in irritation as he crossed his arm to his waist adorably.
“Its huwt, dada! Joonie no wike that.” Told Namjoon, sulking, and eye-glared at his mochi dada.
Jimin cooed for Namjoon cuteness, laughing his heart out in a joy that Namjoon had picked him to be his ‘dada’. He couldn’t be happier than to take care of the little. So he didn’t mind to see the sulky and pouty Namjoon because it is worth it.
Jimin beckoned on Hoseok to move from his chair since he wants to sit beside Namjoon. Hoseok rolled his eyes before he moves his ass over Jimin's chair. Jimin grinned sheepishly and stuck his tongue out when Hoseok smacks the back of his head playfully.
“What’s this daddy and dada all about?” asked Jungkook, frowning in confusion. As he looks at the rest of the member, they have the same expression too – didn’t fully grasp yet the situation with little Namjoon.
Jungkook sighed before he typed something on his phone once again. “Listen, guys…”
Everyone has their attention to Jungkook, waiting for him to read for them the article about the little space.
“An adult little is often accompanied by another adult, referred to as a caregiver, who assumes responsibility during the time the adult is within the little space mindset. The caregiver may be assigned a special name, such as Daddy or Mommy, to indicate their authority over the situation and the care they are giving to the little adult.”
“So Yoongi and I the caregiver?” asked Jimin for confirmation after listening to Jungkook.
Jungkook shrugs. “Maybe. It’s been said here so I guess it’s a yes…”
“Ah, I’m glad to be Namjoon – hyung caregiver!” Said Jimin gleefully, clapping his hand in excitement. He was honored that Namjoon had picked him among the other members to be his caregiver – his ‘dada’.
Isn’t that the best thing ever happen in your life? Being entrusted with such an important responsibility? That’s mean Namjoon has faith on him, right? Namjoon thought he is special, right?
“What about you Yoongi?” asked Seokjin after seeing how easy Jimin being agreed to be Namjoon's caregiver. Well, of course, all this while Jimin has the soft heart at the leader. He might be like to tease or play a prank on Namjoon but he always adores the leader.
Yoongi clears his throat, glancing over Namjoon that looks sleepy, yawning for a few times. “Well, he did call me ‘daddy’. So, I guess I had been the chosen one right?” he said nonchalantly with his stiff expression. But deep down inside his heart, he was happy that Namjoon actually thought he was able to carry out the duty as his caregiver.
“Jungkook, did the article said anything on what we should do as a caregiver? I mean some stuff that we need to prepare?” asked Seokjin, looking directly at Jungkook stoic expression. He did realize the sullen face of the maknae, but he didn’t know the reason behind it. He will ask about it later but for now, Namjoon is more important.
Jungkook makes a huff sound of dissatisfaction at the instruction made by Seokjin, nonetheless, he still scrolling the same webpage to look for useful information. He dismissed a few frowns made by the rest of the members at his attitude.
“Common activities that little adults engage in are coloring, watching cartoons designed for children, partaking in games like hiding and seek. Some little adults also modify or own specialty clothing for little space time and dress up, wear adult diapers, or restyle their hair.”
“Ah that’s why I saw coloring books in his box earlier…” told Seokjin, remembered the box under Namjoon's bed when he took out the blanket as told by Mrs. Kim over the phone.
Namjoon perked up at the mention of his treasure box. “Joonie has so many books. But…but Joonie wike Sailormoon the most. Be – because she is pwetty…” he said gleefully. Face beaming and his eyes glistening with joy. He really looks like a super excited kid who is being enthusiast speaking about his stuff.
Seokjin and the rest of the members chuckle at Namjoon cuteness, telling them how much he likes Sailormoon. And they suddenly remembered the day where Namjoon has to wear the costume and looks really adorable. He must be happy that he can be Sailormoon that day. Lol.
“Okay, little boy, what is the other thing that you like? Will you tell dada?” asked Jimin while showing his crescent moon smile. He’s really excited to be Namjoon caregiver and to know what he needs to do when Namjoon is in the little space.
Namjoon huffs at the question, jutted his lower lips as his eyes looking at the ceiling – trying to think about his favorite thing. Jimin coos at his reaction. Cute!
“Ah – ah…Joonie wike cwab too. Because Mr. Cwab is cute. And – and Joonie wike chicken nuggets, owange juice and – and banana milk…It’s dewishes…”
“Then what about Ryan?” asked Jimin, trying to tease the little while he pats on the plushy head that securely holds by Namjoon.
Namjoon immediately tightens his arm around his Ryan, giggling before he answered happily. “Wyan is Joonie most favor…favo…wite?” he pouted when he finds its difficult for him to pronounce the word ‘favorite’.
Jimin chuckles and starts to ruffle Namjoon brown hair. “Cutie!”
“So Joonie…”
Everyone’s eyes on Yoongi who suddenly clears his throat, wanting to ask some question at Namjoon. Yoongi rolls his eyes when he realized that the members always exaggerated whenever he started to speak with Namjoon.
Is that really weird if he treats Namjoon like that? Come on, he and Namjoon had been friends for years, longer than the other members. Of course, they have a special bond. Right? That’s why Namjoon had chooses him to be his daddy. There's nothing odd if he had a soft heart for the rapper!
“Joonie…can you tell me…emm tell daddy, how old are you?” asked Yoongi, still couldn’t be used to call himself as ‘daddy’ when he talks to Namjoon. But he's trying his best right now eventhough it is embarrassing and his face had a tinge of red.
“Twee…Joonie is twee daddy…” he said while he shows his finger to Yoongi.
Everyone laughed at Namjoon as he was showing only two fingers instead of three. Yoongi then holds his hand and help Namjoon to lift his other finger. “That’s two Joonie…and this is three... “
Namjoon then plays with his own fingers excitedly, mumbling the same words between two and three while the others watching him adorably.
“That’s mean we need to buy Namjoon’s food. We don’t have nuggets and banana milk…” suggest Seokjin further.
“That’s right hyung. I’ll go with you.” Agreed Jimin.
“I’m going too!” interfered Taehyung, raising his hand like he was in a classroom while grinning, flashing his boxy smile.
“I and Hoseok had to go the studio hyung. We have to finish our song's arrangement today. But it won’t take too long though…” said Yoongi, a little bit concern to leave Namjoon at the dorm unattended.
“Well, then Jungkook will be here with Namjoon…” said Seokjin. Eyes on Jungkook.
Jungkook was taken aback when his name got picked out of sudden. “Why? I – I don’t know how to…to deal with this…” he refutes, stuttering as he didn’t know how to explain his anxiousness about Namjoon's situation.
Seokjin gives him an eye-glared. “Don’t be childish Jungkook. You just need to watch over Joonie while we were away. It won’t be long. And…”
Seokjin eyes averted to Namjoon that had a droopy eye, almost fallen asleep at his chair - head bopping to the side. “…and he's sleepy right now. I and Yoongi will help him to his room. Make sure you watch over him. He won’t be like to be left alone in the room. Understand?”
Jungkook cowered in his seat at Seokjin stern voice, knowing that he has no option other than agreeing on the arrangement. He should be volunteering to go to the store with Seokjin earlier! Now he is stuck with weird Namjoon!
Jungkook shoulder slumped in defeats when the main door been closed when all the members left the dorm. After huffing roughly, he scurried his feet to his room dejectedly. Before he entered the room, he glanced for a second at Namjoon's room – where he is been sleeping right now. He groaned in frustration.
To be honest, he had the difficulties to accept the whole ordeal; Namjoon being a little. Isn’t that weird? How come his favorite hyung who is well known for his charming and charismatic personality as the BTS leader, now acting like a child? This is not the image that he ever picturized about Namjoon.
In fact, he had joined BigHit and BTS because he was attracted to Namjoon. He looks so cool when he raps and his intimidating aura really captivates his heart. So when Namjoon acted like a child, it makes Jungkook a little bit frustrated.
Jungkook growled in anger as he entered the room and quickly grab his game console; trying to divert his attention by playing the game. As he was caught up with the game, he didn’t even realize when Namjoon is now fully awake and trying to find his daddy or dada – but the dorm was eerily quiet.
His lips trembling, on the verge of crying while he walks through the hallway with his Ryan. “Daddy? Dada?” he tries to call his caregivers but to no avail. Namjoon starts to sobs feeling scared that he had been left alone.
Namjoon legs halted when he heard some noise from Jungkook's room before he immediately runs forwards and happily opened the door – Jungkook was too focus on the game that he didn’t realize Namjoon is standing at the door frame.
“Koo – Kookie?” he hesitantly called the maknae. But Jungkook seems didn’t hear his tiny voice. Namjoon then decides to approach the younger male and tapped his finger on Jungkook's shoulder, makes the maknae to flinch and scream in horror.
(CW : ⚠️)
“Shit!!”
Namjoon was shuddered at the loud curse, stumble his feet backward as his eyes quivered when he saw the red face of Jungkook; obviously mad.
“What the fuck, hyung! You scared the hell out of me!!” He shouted unconsciously, slowly caressed his pounding heart out of shocked.
Namjoon hugs his Ryan tightly, pressed to his chest as his eyes welled up with tears. “So – sowie… Joonie scawed, where's daddy? Dada?”
Jungkook let out a heavy breath, stroking his own hair to the back in anger that Namjoon had interrupted his game session. He glanced over the monitor when the game already ended with his character died after being shot to death. He grits his teeth and gives a murderous stare at Namjoon – forgetting the fact that Namjoon is little right now and he did not understand the consequences of his action.
“Please hyung. Don’t act like some sick man and talk to me with this childish tone or whatsoever. It makes me sick, you know!” Jungkook let out his anger towards Namjoon, chewing the little with his disappointment and irritation.
Namjoon flinched at the harsh tone, looking at Jungkook with tears rolling down to his cheek. “Joonie scawed… Kookie ha – hates Joonie?”
Jungkook couldn’t hold his anger, grips on Namjoon's forearm with both of his hands, making the little winced in pain and his Ryan instantly fall to the floor. Namjoon gasped at the harrowing situation but he was too scared to pick his Ryan because of Jungkook dark expression.
Joonie's scawed!
“Stop doing this hyung. I hate it! This is not the real you. Just…just being your old self. The Kim Namjoon. Not some retarded fake kid!” snarled Jungkook as he shook the male in anger.
“Stop…Joonie…Joonie scawed…It's huwt... Joonie's huwt... Lemme go...Kookie is meanie…” Namjoon starts to wail out loud, afraid of Jungkook odd behavior. His face becomes redden as he keeps on crying and struggling from Jungkook's hand - trying to free himself.
“Fuck Kim Namjoon! This is so stupid!”
“You…you are meanie. Joonie hates you!” screamed Namjoon and later pushed the maknae as hard as he can. Jungkook was startled when he almost falls stumble on the floor.
(CW : ⚠️END)
“Yah Kim…” Jungkook was about to scold the little when Namjoon had run away from the room, crying his heart out leaving Jungkook flabbergasted at his own action. Damn! What had he done?
Namjoon slammed his door harshly. His whole body is shaking as his eyes quiver around his room. He cries harder when he realized that he had left his Ryan at Jungkook's room. Namjoon then grabbed his Koya's blanket and run to his walk-in closet.
Namjoon hides in his safe place, clutching his blanket until his knuckles turn to white before he slides down to the floor – heartbroken. The small space makes him start to sweat but nonetheless, he feels safe. He brought his knees to the chest, continue to sobs sorrowfully.
“Wyan! Joonie wan Wyan! Daddy…dada where are you? Joonie wan daddy! Joonie wan dada! Koo-Kookie is meanie! Joonie no wike Kookie. He…he is a monster!”
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Notes:
Sorry for the angst. But I assure you it won't be long. Jungkook will get a grip about this later.
(Blame my insomnia for this too lmao) 😂So I've been reading about little space from this website. It's really good for you to be more understanding about little space.
REFERENCE : -
https://www.littlespaceonline.com/app.php/page/littlespace
Chapter Text
Jungkook's shoulder slumps as Namjoon left his room crying his heart out loud. He can hear the loud thud of the door been slammed shut by the elder.
“Shit!” He cursed to himself.
Jungkook breathe hitched when he saw Ryan plushy belong to Namjoon, lying down on the floor. He frowned as he can’t remember when did the plush toy had been there. Maybe when he had scolded his hyung before that the plush fell down to the floor, unconsciously.
“What have you done Jungkook?” whispers Jungkook, regret evidently shows in his voice. He picks up the plush toy and flumps on his bed, staring at the Ryan with glassy eyes.
“Maybe…maybe I shouldn’t do that to hyung…but – but he is acting really weird, and – and it makes sense if I can’t accept this in a spur of a moment, right? Right?”
Jungkook released a heavy sighed, let out a small chuckle that sounded a little bit odd – pitying himself further for talking to the toy like a mad man. He had been reasoning to himself of his action, justifying his demeanor against Namjoon and trying to wash away the guilt for treating Namjoon as he did. But nothing seems working out. The guilts keeps on increasing in the pit of his stomach.
“I – I have a good reason to be mad, right?”
Jungkook didn’t know that he had been in trance for a quite some time, didn’t even realized that someone had unlocked the front door. He was brooding while holding Ryan in his hand, still thinking about his confrontation with Namjoon.
“Joonie – darling!!! We're home!!”
Jungkook was taken aback at the loud brisk voice, recognize it immediately that it belongs to Jimin. Jungkook rolled his eyes thinking that Jimin was too enthusiast to be Namjoon's dada. What’s so great about that? Jungkook silently groaned in irritation.
“Joonie? Where are you??”
Jungkook gets out from his room when he heard the concerned voice from Jimin, standing at the doorframe while his eyes looking at Jimin – who just get out from Namjoon's room.
“Hey Jungkook, have you seen Joonie? He’s not in the room! I can't find him anywhere also. Isn’t he sleeping before we left?” asked Jimin, frowning with confusion. Eyes looking around trying to find Namjoon.
Jungkook puckers an eyebrow at the question, glancing over at Namjoon's room. “I thought he was in the room?” he said, unsure about it himself.
Jimin squinted his small eyes towards Jungkook and had an akimbo hand over his waist. “Jungkook… it’s your duty to look after Joonie right? And why are you saying that? What did you do to him?”
Jungkook flustered at the accusation, trying to avert Jimin's deadly glare. “Wh – what do you mean? I’m not doing anything to him… I just…you know playing games with my computer… he – he was sleeping…” lied Jungkook, stuttering in his speech.
“What's the noise here?”
Jimin and Jungkook almost in unison tilted their head to the side when they heard Yoongi's voice. And Seokjin was standing behind the eldest rapper too, looking at both of the maknae. Meanwhile, Hoseok still at the studio and Taehyung went there to help his hyung.
“Joonie is missing. And Jungkook said he didn’t know where's Joonie go since he was too busy playing games!” told Jimin, whining a little bit because he can’t see little Namjoon after coming home. He had become too attached with the little in a short time.
Yoongi and Seokjin frowned. They both have their attention solely to Jungkook that seems to look uncomfortable. As if the maknae had been hiding something. Weird!
“What is it Jungkook? What happened while we were gone? Where’s Joonie?” asked Yoongi with a deep and serious tone. Obviously, he was trying to hold his anger. His eyes fixated at the youngest vocalist – waiting for a definite answer.
Jungkook was flabbergasted at Yoongi's question, his heart hammering out of fear. Jungkook can feel how his forehead had started to have cold sweat and his hand feels clammy.
“And why Ryan is in your room?”
Jungkook flinched at the mention of Namjoon's plush toy, head dangled down to the floor – afraid to see Yoongi's face.
“Where’s Joonie, Jeon Jungkook?” asked Yoongi, voice rising an octave as he grits his teeth while staring at the golden maknae. Feeling impatient at his silence, accustomed to such attitude whenever he had done something wrong.
Jungkook instantly cowered at the stern voice, his body shaken in fear and his eyes starts to well up with tears. “He – he is in the room, hyung…” he answered with a crack in his voice, a hint that he almost cry.
“Jimin said he is not in his room! Where is he then? You only have one job Jungkook! We trusted you to take care of him while we were doing some errands. It took only two damn hours and now he is missing but you didn’t know where he is? Isn’t that very oblivious?”
Jungkook breathes hitched at the outburst, tears start to roll down to his cheek as his eyes still glued on the floor. His hands play with the hem of his shirt nervously.
“Yoongi…” Seokjin pats on the rapper forearm, trying to soothe him. “Talk to him nicely. No need to get mad. Maybe Namjoon is here, playing somewhere. Let’s find him first, okay?” coaxed Seokjin.
He feels pity at the maknae and he didn’t want to totally blame him at the moment. They need to find the little first and asked him what had happened. No one really knows what had happened between the leader and the maknae in their absence.
Yoongi chided at Seokjin, let out a small growl of anger at Jungkook before he walked through the fidgeting boy – heading towards Namjoon's room. Seokjin and Jimin follow suits and Jungkook slowly marched to the room too as Jimin beckons on him to come along with his barely open eyes.
“Joonie? Where are you? Dada and Daddy are here…” said Jimin while his eyes hovering around the quiet room.
“Joonie? We're home! Don’t you want to see what had I bought for you?” said Seokjin, trying to coax the little to get out from his hiding place.
“Nam – emm Joonie? Da - daddy's here… come out please?” Yoongi was still a little bit awkward but he kind of adapts himself with his new role as Namjoon's caregiver. It’s a lie if he didn’t enjoy it for a little bit though.
“Da – daddy? Da – Dada?”
Everyone eyes widen at the small and wary voice coming out from Namjoon's walk-in closet before Yoongi instantly went to it and open the door roughly. Making the little to flinch at the loud sound.
“Namjoon!!” he shouted in shocked when he saw Namjoon was in the closet.
Everyone gasped when they saw Namjoon, crouching on the floor while hugging his knees to his chest – drenched in sweat as his face flush with red and eyes were puffy due to the crying. He looks so weak and fragile and for God sake, they didn’t even know for how long the little has been hiding in the closet.
“Da – daddy!!!” his hoarse voice wailing, calling for his daddy but he was too lethargic to even move his body to hug Yoongi. Waiting for his daddy to come to him.
Yoongi bolted towards Namjoon and embraced the leader, ignoring how his sweat had been soaking wet his shirt. Namjoon nuzzled his face over Yoongi's neck, crying in silence that sounded really heartbroken.
“Oh God, Namjoon! What are you doing here??” asked Yoongi in concern, a hand caressed the back of the little that shakenly crying.
“Daddy! Daddy! Joonie…. Joo – Joonie was scawed!”
Yoongi almost stumbles on his back when Namjoon tightens his arm over Yoongi's neck, let his body to slump in Yoongi's petite frame wholly.
“Hey, it’s okay. Daddy's here, okay? Let…lets get out from here. It's kind of hot here and you need to change your shirt Joonie. If not you’re going to get sick… okay?”
Yoongi didn’t wait for the little to answer, cocked his head towards Seokjin who had tears in his eyes – beckon over the eldest member to help him to pick Namjoon up.
Namjoon whined when Seokjin tries to help but Yoongi reassured him that he won’t let him go – then the little with the help of Seokjin get up from the floor, still clinging over Yoongi, hiding his face on the crook of Yoongi’s neck.
Yoongi let out a small yelp when Namjoon’s body almost slip down from his grip as his feet wobbled due to sitting too long on the floor. Seokjin helped the small man to stabilize Namjoon's body before Namjoon jumped and locked his long legs on Yoongi's torso. Yoongi puffed his cheek for the heavy load.
It still hard for Yoongi to adapt himself with Namjoon's height and weight over his small frame, but he was glad that Seokjin was there to help him – easing himself from picking up the little. Yoongi walked carefully towards Namjoon's bed, slowly put the still crying little on the mattress.
While Yoongi handling Namjoon with the help of Seokjin, Jimin makes a fast move to the kitchen, getting a glass of water which he thinks Namjoon will need it to avoid further dehydration. On the other side, Jungkook was watching from afar, distancing himself from the group. He was shell shocked to see his precious leader at such a state.
“No! No! Wan Daddy… pwease no leave Joonie!!” begs the little when he thought Yoongi was about to leave him alone. He tugged over Yoongi's shirt, clasping it tightly while his glassy red eyes ogling at the elder with agony, lips trembling in fear. Yoongi’s body almost falls onto the mattress as Namjoon keeps tugging on his shirt down.
Yoongi took a deep breath at the view, heart squeezed with pain that Namjoon had become so frail and haggard. Yoongi then cupped the face of Namjoon, moves his head a little bit to meet with his eyes.
“No, baby. I’m not going to leave you. You need to lie down and get some rest. You see… you look tired right now. So listen to daddy okay?” coaxed Yoongi with a smooth and silky voice, while one of his hand starts to caress Namjoon's face, wiping the tears with his thumb. He then strokes the damp hair over Namjoon's forehead that being wet due to his sweat.
Namjoon scrunched his nose while he nods but his eyes were still fixed on Yoongi, afraid that the said male will leave him if he ever moved slightly. He didn’t want to take the risk even though his daddy had promised he was not going anywhere.
“Joonie, let’s change the shirt before you sleep, okay?”
Namjoon tilted his head and saw Seokjin standing at his right side. He then averted his eyes towards Seokjin's hand where he can see his favorite white shirt with Mickey Mouse printed on it.
“Emm, Joonie… Joonie wike Miki…” he said in between of his sobs, hiccupping a little bit.
Seokjin smiles fondly and approached the said male. “Okay, then you have to remove the dirty shirt first so you can wear this…”
Namjoon nods for a few times, lifting up his soaking wet shirt in a haste. Which later he whined when the shirt now stuck on his head. “Da – daddy, help Joonie!!!”
Yoongi let out a small chuckle before he helped his boy to get out from the shirt and throw it into the laundry bag nearby. Yoongi tapped on Namjoon's nose with his pointy fingers when he saw the pouting face of the little.
Then, Seokjin helped Namjoon to wear his new shirt, pats on the male head when he giggles looking at the Mickey Mouse over his shirt, touching the character playfully.
“It’s pwetty daddy!” he said gleefully, showing the shirt to Yoongi. Yoongi and Seokjin smile at the little excitement, a little bit relieved that he is no longer crying even though there are still few sobs emitted from his plump lips.
Namjoon tilted his head to the side when he feels his mattress dip down before he saw Jimin had taken the place beside him. “Dada…”
Jimin smiles at the name, slowly shove the glass of plain water. “Drink this baby…”
Namjoon shook his head refused to drink it. “No… don’t wan. Joonie wan – wan banana milk pwease…” he demanded while jutting his lower lips. He sounded like a little brat right now.
Jimin hummed in response, knowing that Namjoon is sulking and maybe a little bit bratty after having such an episode in the closet. Couldn’t blame the little anyway but Jimin urged the little to take the water. He needs it after he was sweating profusely.
“No baby, you need to drink this first. Dada doesn’t want you to get sick. I’ll give you the banana milk if you being a good boy, okay?” persuades Jimin with his tender voice.
Namjoon huffed in frustration that he couldn’t get his favorite drink. He looks at his dada and hesitantly took the glass. He sipped the plain water half of the glass before handed it back to Jimin.
“Finish it Joonie…” said Jimin with a stern look.
Namjoon whimpered at the command, feeling restless that he needs to drink the tasteless water. But afraid that his mochi dada will get mad at him, Namjoon finished the water with a sulking face.
Jimin pats on Namjoon's head when he gives the empty glass, saying some encouragement word towards the little together with an appraisal. “Good boy, Joonie…”
Namjoon giggled at the compliment, feeling happy that his dada is proud at his little action. Jimin then glanced at Yoongi and Seokjin that been standing on the bedside, squinted his eyes towards the eldest a hint for them to ask Namjoon what had happened to him while they were gone.
Seokjin took the roles when Yoongi looks hesitant. He crouched down, took Namjoon's hand and place it over Namjoon’s lap. Namjoon looks surprised at the sudden action but later smile when Seokjin slowly strokes his hand with the thumbs. Feeling at ease for small gestures.
“Well, my darling Joonie… can you tell me, Daddy and Dada, what are you doing in the closet?” he carefully asked, not to agitate the little once again.
Namjoon bites his lower lips, fidgeting with nervousness when he realized there were three pair of eyes staring at him, waiting for him to spill the tea. And Namjoon starts to tremble in fear when his eyes caught over Jungkook's silhouette standing at the corner of the room.
“Joo – Joonie scawed…” he whispered, almost inaudible but since Yoongi, Seokjin and Jimin were closed by so they can hear exactly what he had been saying.
“Why? Why did you scared? Tell us…” asked Seokjin, shocked to hear that from Namjoon – glanced for a second to Yoongi and Jimin with a concerned face.
“Daddy – Dada was not here… Joonie can’t find you. Joonie scawed. And, Kookie… Kookie… he – he…” Namjoon wasn’t able to tell everything when he broke into another fit of cry.
Jimin was surprised at the reaction, immediately hugged the male from his side. Namjoon let his dada to hold him and he continues to cry on Jimin's shoulder blade. He keeps on chanting that he was scared but none of his caregivers really understand about it. What does makes him so scared?
“What did you do to him, Jungkook?”
Jungkook who had been watching the whole ordeal jolted when Yoongi now facing him, arms crossed to his waist with a stern expression. Jungkook gulped knowing that now everyone attention is on him.
“Hyung… I’m… I’m…” Jungkook didn’t know how to explain himself, feeling everyone now cornering him to the edge that he starts to cry.
“Yah Jungkook! Why are you crying? Did you do something wrong?” interrupts Jimin, flustered to see the maknae at such state.
“Jungkook, tell us. If you had done nothing wrong we won’t be angry at you. But you also know that if you are the reason why Joonie was like that, I have to punish you right?” Said Seokjin with more subtle voice but at the same time had the weigh in it to show his prominent role as the oldest in BTS.
Jungkook let out a small sob hearing how scary that his bandmates had made clear of the consequences for his action. His head dangled down, couldn’t meet the eyes of everyone. He feels scared and vulnerable that he knew he had done something terrible. Now he had been remorsing himself over his mistakes.
“Sorry hyung… I'm really sorry. I – I didn’t mean to – to snap at him… I was just… just couldn’t accept yet how – how Namjoon being a little… that’s all… I didn’t mean to hurt him… I’m sorry hyung…”
The three gasped at Jungkook's explanation, looking at him begrudgingly.
“What the hell did you do to him Jungkook? And what do you mean that you’d hurt him?!” raged Yoongi almost swoop forward at the maknae if Seokjin didn’t stop him from doing so.
“So – sorry… sorry hyung…” Jungkook slides down to the floor, crying with guilt and fear that he never had been scolded by the eldest rapper before. Knowing the grave of his behavior towards Namjoon, Jungkook understands if his bandmates now end up hating him.
“Tell me what did you do to him Jeon Jungkook!”
“No daddy!!!”
Everyone was stupefied at the screaming, a small step running towards Jungkook. The three was dumbfounded looking at Namjoon now kneeling in front of Jungkook, both hands spread as if he was trying to protect Jungkook.
“No mad at hyungie! Joonie no wike daddy mad! Joonie wove hyungie!” exclaimed Namjoon, eyes gawking at the three with his murderous stare. Obviously mad for scolding Jungkook.
“Hyungie???!!!”
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Notes:
Uwu
So I really want to make Jungkook as the hyung to Namjoon. Lmao
Chapter Text
“…Joonie wove hyungie!”
“Hyungie???!!”
Four pairs of eyes on Namjoon. Apparently shocked at the new name. Three pairs staring at him incredulously, standing in front of Namjoon. Meanwhile, another pair belonged to Jungkook, looking at Namjoon's back with aw shuck.
Hyungie? What was that?
“Joonie, daddy just ask…”
“No – no… daddy was mad! You…you shouting! Joonie no wike that, daddy…” said Namjoon as he ogled at his caregiver with a murderous stare. Hands still widely spread, didn’t want his daddy to scold Jungkook further.
Yoongi sighed and averted his eyes to Seokjin. Giving a signal for him to coax the little. Apart from being the caregiver for Namjoon, Yoongi still didn’t know how to handle Namjoon emotionally. Seokjin was more affectionate and took the role as the caregiver really well. Which makes Yoongi kind of jealous of it. He wants to be a good caregiver and he may need some more time for that.
Seokjin slowly approached the little, crouching in front of him. Seokjin pulled down both of Namjoon's hand that looks a little bit shaking for hanging too long. Namjoon pouted a little bit, tilted his head to see Jungkook.
“Joonie don’t want hyungie cwy otay? Joonie will – will… hmm… pwo – pwotect hyungie! Otay? Otay? No scawed, Joonie here…” said Namjoon while he pats on his own chest, giving assurance to Jungkook.
Jungkook bats his eyelashes at the words, looking at Namjoon with a mixture of emotion. Those innocent eyes where he had said such words makes Jungkook’s heart to swell with a little bit of pride.
“Joonie, daddy just asked Kookie about what he did to Joonie… you know that he had done something wrong to you, right?” intervene Seokjin but at the same time he feels happy that Namjoon didn’t hold any grudge towards Jungkook. Well, of course, being in the little space, his mind works like an innocent child.
Namjoon turned his head to see Seokjin, still pouting. He crossed his arm to his waist. “But daddy – daddy shout at hyungie!” Namjoon protest, lips jutted in dissatisfaction.
Seokjin smile, ruffling the hair of the little. “Yes, maybe he shouted a little bit. But he didn’t mean any harm, Joonie…”
“But hyungie cwy, appa! Hyungie was scawed… like Joonie. Joonie scawed too…”
Seokjin holds his breath when the little suddenly called him ‘Appa’. He put his hand to his mouth, couldn’t contain his excitement that Namjoon finally had given him the name as the caregiver.
It’s a total lie if he didn’t feel upset when Yoongi and Jimin got the special name – be called Daddy and Dada. In fact, he thought he will be Namjoon's first daddy or dada. But then Jungkook been called as ‘hyungie’ had doubled up his disappointment. He really wants to be Namjoon's caregiver when he was in the little space.
But now ‘appa’. Seokjin can see the fireworks above his head, and his eyes beaming with joy when he looks at Namjoon - like a heart shape pop out from his orbs. He was electrified that he is now Namjoon's appa.
“Joonie no wike that. Daddy, Dada and – and appa mad at hyungie. Hyungie cwy…Joonie no wike that…” said Namjoon as his lips tremble, on the verge of crying.
Seokjin was flabbergasted at the sudden situation, immediately hugged Namjoon and slowly rubbed the back of the said male – up and down. He can feel the tears start to soak his shirt on his shoulder blade.
“No, Joonie. Okay, okay…we won't say anything to hyungie anymore. Just, don’t cry…okay? Appa doesn’t like it when my cute and adorable Joonie cry…Understand?”
Namjoon hummed as a response, nods his hand while buried himself further over Seokjin's crook of neck. Seokjin eyes averted to Jungkook who remained silent watching the whole situation. Didn’t fully comprehend and still shocked. Maybe he didn’t expect for Namjoon to defend him after what he had done to the little.
“Come, you need some sleep baby…” said Seokjin, whispered to Namjoon's ears. He let out a soft chuckle when Namjoon whined at his words and when he pushed away Namjoon's body, the little was almost fallen asleep already.
Seokjin then helped Namjoon to stand up. When the little make a grabby hand, a little bit bouncing Seokjin frowned in confusion.
“Up – up, appa…” said Namjoon. His voice almost slurred as his eyes become droopy and he was too tired to walk by himself.
Seokjin smiles fondly before he opened his arm and the little immediately jumped over Seokjin. Seokjin huffed at the weight but he had less trouble than Yoongi because of his height almost equal to Namjoon. But still, it is hard to carry a healthy young adult and it's need a full strength to do so.
Seokjin carefully brings Namjoon to the bed and Jimin helped him to lay down the little onto the mattress. Jimin pulled the blanket up to Namjoon's chest and placed his Ryan to his side. Namjoon happily hugged the plushy before he drifted to slumberland – soft snores can be heard within a minute.
“Let’s talk outside Jungkook!” whispered Yoongi, eyes glaring at the golden maknae who was still on the floor.
Jungkook gulped in fear, begin to feel nervous as Seokjin and Jimin too had joined Yoongi to the living room. Jungkook slowly gets up, glanced for a second at sleeping Namjoon with a pang of guilt.
“What was that all about, Jungkook?” asked Yoongi when four of them seated on the couch.
Jungkook fidgeting at his seat, fiddling with his fingers with edginess. His head hung low to his lap, still didn’t have the courage to look at his hyung. He can feel the sharp stares of Yoongi, Seokjin, and Jimin over him.
It’s scary to be the center of attention like that. Especially when you know that you had done something wrong. It feels like a court trial, where he was seated in the accused stand, Yoongi as the judge meanwhile Seokjin and Jimin as the prosecutor. He suddenly got a goosebump.
“Even though Namjoon had defended you, I still want to know the whole thing. You can’t escape the aftermath. You know that right?” said Yoongi in a stern voice.
Jungkook nods his head slowly. His eyes had slowly accumulated the tears. He knew he was guilty for treating the leader like that but he also wants to believe that he had good reasoning behind his action. Well, sort of.
“I'm sorry hyung. I – I didn’t know that, that Namjoon-hyung will hide in the closet…” he said, still playing with his own fingers that start to look red because of how harsh he had been rubbing the skin.
Yoongi sighed deeply. “Then what’s happen Jungkook? We trusted you to take care of Namjoon. We didn’t expect this to happen while we were gone.”
Jungkook bits his lips. “I'm – I’m not ready yet…” he said, almost inaudible.
Everyone frowned at his words. “Ready for what Jungkook?” asked Seokjin, obviously concerned.
Jungkook lifts his head, looking at his three hyung one by one. “Ready to accept Namjoon – hyung in – in that condition…” explained Jungkook, a little bit hesitant as he was afraid at how his hyungs going to react.
As Jungkook predicted, a loud gasped erupted in the living room looking at Jungkook with wide eyes – utterly shocked. They couldn’t believe their own ears after hearing the maknae’s revelation.
“I – I thought you have no problem with this Jungkook. You always adore Namjoon and look out for him. And now you’re saying you can’t accept him being a little? Isn’t that really contradict with your own feeling?” said Jimin, voice strained with disbelief.
Jungkook however feels a little bit relieved after the had spilled his opinion about Namjoon. But at the same time, he still feels guilty for treating his leader like that. But it doesn’t mean that he is fine for Namjoon to act like a child.
“It’s too sudden hyung. I didn’t ready to see the other side of him. And he was acting like a child. He is not the same hyung that I used to adore. He was different…”
Yoongi groaned in frustration at his maknae. He couldn’t believe out of everyone it is Jungkook that couldn’t accept Namjoon for he is. Jungkook always had a special feeling towards Namjoon since day one. Everyone knows how Jungkook loves Namjoon more than the other members. Tagging him along all the way, asking for his opinion on everything and even have this sparkle in his eyes whenever he looks at Namjoon.
Everyone knows how special Namjoon was in his life. The BTS and the Army itself. Jungkook has always been seen staring at Namjoon lovingly whenever he is proud of whatever Namjoon did. Namjoon is Jungkook's paragon. It is not an overstatement to say that, Namjoon was Jungkook first boy's crush.
“Don’t make me laugh Jungkook! You shouldn’t say like that about him. You know how he always loves you more than the others. And for you to hate him for being little… don’t you think it will hurt his feeling?” scolds Yoongi.
Seokjin pats over Yoongi's arm, asking the said male to tone down his voice. He was afraid that Namjoon will hear it. Yoongi clicked his tongue at the gesture but he didn’t even protest because he knew they should discuss this matter calmly.
“And now what Jungkook? You can’t avoid him though. He is our leader. You will keep seeing him and he will be regressing at any time. What will you do then?” states Seokjin.
Jungkook sighed in defeats. He didn’t know himself how he should face the leader from now on. After the incident, it must be really hard to talk and to see each other. With the fact that he is unable to deal with Namjoon's little space also makes the whole thing become harder. Jungkook was stuck.
“It’s okay Kookie…”
Everyone was surprised at the deep and raspy voice intervention before they cocked their head to see Namjoon – now standing at the hallway with a stoic expression.
“Joonie?”
“I’m not little Yoongi – hyung…” refute Namjoon, still emotionless. Eyes fixated over Jungkook, his golden maknae.
“If it had makes you uncomfortable, I will stop being little…” Namjoon further said.
Everyone gasped at his decision meanwhile Jungkook eyes widen at the statement. He stares at his leader, feeling his heart hammering at how the eyes belong to Namjoon looks so sad and devastated. Jungkook holds his breath, hands fisted until it turns to white.
“Namjoon! Don’t say that, Jungkook just…”
“It is the best for all of us, Jin – hyung. And I’m sorry for the hassle though. I – I shouldn’t show my weakness when I'm the leader. But I just couldn’t control myself then. And now, I’ll be more careful…”
Jimin was about to say something to coax the leader but Namjoon just left the four and scurried away to his room. They heard the door been closed and now their eyes back to Jungkook. Boring at the maknae with anger and disappointment.
“Get a grip of yourself Jungkook and I want you to think about this thoroughly. For what you have done and how to settle this matter. I get it if you feel uncomfortable with little Namjoon, fine! I won’t ask you to accept his condition. He had done so much for us, asking for no return whatsoever and you! You can’t even do this shit for him? Shame on you Jeon Jungkook!”
Jungkook was flustered at Yoongi's outburst but couldn’t say anything to defend himself. As he knows that he was at fault. Listening to the heart wrench confession by the leader had makes his guilt to pile up – eating his inner conscience slowly.
Yoongi left the living room in anger, didn’t say any words or wait for Jungkook to retaliate. He was so pissed off that he knew if he stays any longer he will punch the maknae's face. He really wants to avoid such thing and making the matter worst. Namjoon didn’t deserve this.
Yoongi knocked on Namjoon's room three times, giving a hint that it was him. He heard a faint voice from inside asking him to come in. Yoongi heart almost combusts with agony when he saw Namjoon now sits on the edge of his bed, holding his Ryan – staring at it blankly.
Yoongi took a sit beside Namjoon. Both of them remained silent for a moment, indulging in their own thoughts.
“How long we have known each other Joon – ah? Eight years? Nine years?” asked Yoongi, initiate the conversation first.
Namjoon let out a soft chuckle. “Around that, hyung…”
Yoongi sighed deeply. “Sorry…” he said dejectedly.
Namjoon was taken aback and quickly tilted his head to the side to see Yoongi. “What was that for hyung? You had done nothing wrong!”
Yoongi stares blankly at the wall in front of him. Knowing that Namjoon will say such a thing to him. It’s Namjoon after all. He never gets mad or holds any grudge. He always gives. Give and give that he forgets to receive. His selfless act is one of the reasons why he had to hide his little space. Yoongi feels devastated thinking about it.
“We’ve been a friend for years Namjoon but I know nothing about your little space. What kind of friend am I? What kind of hyung am I? You had been dealing with great stress and you can’t even show it to us. You should be able to lean on us when you were tired or down, Namjoon. But it seems we had failed ourselves to do that for you…” said Yoongi, his voice a little bit shaken as he tried to hold up his tears.
Namjoon shook his head at the statement. “No hyung, don’t say that. I’m the leader of BTS. It is my duty to protect all of you. It’s been my responsibility to make sure that everyone is comfortable and happy…”
Yoongi turned his head to see Namjoon. “Then what about you Joon – ah?”
Namjoon let out a half-suppressed half which makes it sounded so sad in the ears of Yoongi. “I’m fine hyung. I’m happy as long as all of you happy…”
“Joon-ah... Why you…”
“Hyung, it’s okay. I’m fine. I am. And sorry for the trouble I cause all of you. As I said, I will be more careful in the future not to regress…” said Namjoon but there is some weigh in his voice. Like he had been holding himself from crying.
Yoongi took Namjoon’s hand and squeezed it lightly. It’s a gesture that he almost never do to any of his bandmates but Yoongi knows that Namjoon really needs him right now.
“No Joon-ah. I’m happy to be your caregiver. Everyone was excited to see you being the little. That’s mean you believe in us to take care of you. You trusted us to see your weakness. We were happy Joon-ah. So let us take care of you. Okay?” said Yoongi adamantly. He didn’t want Namjoon to think that being a little had makes everyone hates him.
Namjoon curved into a small smile as his eyes glistening with tears. He looks at Yoongi hand that holding his hand tightly, feeling his heart start to warming at the kind gestures.
“Is it okay for you hyung? I don’t want to be a burden to any of you…”
“No Joonie. We love you and little Joonie. We really care for you and it will be fun to be your caregivers…let us, let us do that for you, okay?”
“Hmm…"
"Joon-ah..."
"Hmm...okay…”
Yoongi laughed heartily at Namjoon’s agreement. “You should say it's okay daddy!” he said, teasing the leader, brush his shoulder playfully.
Namjoon grunts in embarrassment, hide his face with both of his hand. “Please hyung! It’s weird when I’m not in the little space…” whined Namjoon. His face had turned to crimson red.
Yoongi scoffs at Namjoon. “Daddy, huh? What a kink you have Joonie -ah…” taunts Yoongi further. He really likes to see how Namjoon flustered when he teased him about his little space.
“Hyung!!”
A boisterous laughed erupted in the room. Namjoon face getting redder and Yoongi almost get a cramp at his stomach for laughing so much. Yoongi glanced at Namjoon for a second before he smirks evilly.
Namjoon let out a loud squeak when Yoongi out of sudden tackle him down to the bed. When Namjoon tried to get up, Yoongi locked his lanky body with his hand on Namjoon’s chest and his short leg over the leader's waist.
“Hy-hyung? What’re you doing?” asked Namjoon as he is appalled at Yoongi’s action.
Yoongi then pressed Namjoon's head to his chest, grinning sheepishly when Namjoon squirmed in his embrace. “Let’s cuddle Joonie -ah…”
“But – but…hy-hyung, I’m not little… and…”
“Shhh… just let go of yourself Joonie. Don’t stress too much, okay. Daddy's here…don't worry…”
Namjoon breathe hitched at the soft and tender voice whispered by Yoongi. Making himself unconsciously regressed to his little space. He feels comfortable being hugged by the oldest rapper. It is odd actually since they had a different type of body. But at some point, Yoongi feels so warm and soft and Namjoon really likes how Yoongi’s hand hugged his lanky body.
Namjoon curved into a smile, slowly moved his hand to Yoongi's waist, tugging his shirt tightly. He leaned his head over Yoongi's chest, listening to the rapid heartbeat of the eldest. It was so serene and tranquil that Namjoon slowly entered the dreamland.
“Nite – nite daddy… Joonie wove you…” he said incoherently, slurred in his speech before immediately fell asleep.
Yoongi chuckles softly. “Goodnight Joonie. Daddy loves you too…”
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Notes:
I wrote this today, proofread once so if there is any typo error please point it out nicely.
Chapter 10: 𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙀
Notes:
𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 : The content of this chapter or section may seem obscene or offensive to some readers. It contains ‘strong language’, or ‘scenes' some readers may find upsetting. A mark of (⚠️) will be put before and after the paragraph, you can skip it if you want.
Read at your own risk.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon flickered shut his eyes when a bright light constantly harassing his sleep. The ray of sunshine had peeked through the curtain, making his eyes to sting as he tried to adapt with the brightness – which he finally gave up doing so when the fatigues had refrained him from waking up.
He stirred but he feels something had refrained his movement. Without even trying to open his eyes, he pouted feeling uncomfortable at the weight over his chest and torso. What was that?
“Ughh!” He grunts as his chest feels heavy, having difficulties to inhale and exhale because of the foreign weight. He further squirmed and he pushed away from the thing that is all over his body as hard as he can, huffing in displeased as he managed to catch his breath.
“Ouch, Joonie!”
Namjoon instantly opens his eyes, immediately turned his head where he saw the grumpy face belong to Yoongi – yawning out loud, lazily stretching his upper body before he shot up from the bed.
“Hy-hyung?”
Yoongi brows raised in confusion before he notices that Namjoon was not in his little space that morning. Yoongi shows his signature gummy smile, staring at the younger now slowly get up from the bed – looking at the eldest with a confused face.
“Morning baby boy…” said Yoongi sheepishly. Face evidently shows his playful demeanor. Wiggling his brows making Namjoon flush in red out of embarrassment.
“No hyung….please don’t do that. It’s weird…” whined Namjoon as he hides his face with his favorite Ryan blanket.
Yoongi laughed heartily at the response, pulled away the blanket to see Namjoon bashful expression. The younger looks really cute right now – hair messy like a bird's nest, cheek protrudes as he jutted his lower lips and eyes a little bit puffy.
Yoongi shoved his hand over Namjoon's curly hair, ruffling it fondly while the said male flinched at his gestures. “Aigoo our little Joonie….so cute!” teased Yoongi.
“Hyung!”
Another laughter erupted, making the younger to cross his arm to his waist, ogling at Yoongi with a pouty lip. Feeling annoyed that Yoongi had the tendency to tease him at the early morning. He wonders why did the elder wake up too early when he always treasured his sleeping time. Usually, Yoongi will wake up late when they didn’t have any schedule that day.
“Aish, Joon. Don’t be too salty. It’s still early. I’m the one that should be the grumpy one not you…” said Yoongi after he tones down a bit his laughter.
“It’s you who keeps on making fun at me!” sulk Namjoon, puffing his chubby cheek.
Yoongi chuckles at the complaint and at the same time his hand moves to pinch Namjoon's fleshy cheek. “Okay…okay… don’t be mad. Daddy sorry okay?”
Namjoon hitched at the name, batting his eyelashes staring at his caregivers. He was not in his little space at the moment but the way Yoongi been talking to him – so soft and gentle, makes him want to regress further. Which Namjoon refused to do so because he had something to discuss with Yoongi. And it’s urgent!
"I'm going to take shower. Let's have breakfast together Joon..."
Yoongi was about to leave when Namjoon grabbed his wrist and pulled Yoongi's small body to the bed again. Yoongi flumps on the soft mattress squinted his eyes to the younger – baffled to see the look on Namjoon's face; serious and uptight.
“About Kookie…”
Yoongi immediately clicked his tongue when he heard the name of the maknae, rolled his eyes in irritation when last night incident flashed into his mind.
“Hyung…”
Yoongi hummed lazily. “What is it?”
“Don’t – don’t be too harsh on him, hyung. He – he didn’t mean to hurt me or acted like that. He just… being overwhelmed by the whole incident. Like you and the rest of the member…”
Yoongi turned his head and stares at the male, expression clearly shown that he totally disagrees with Namjoon's statement.
“We didn’t react like he did, Namjoon. Instead of accepting the fact, he avoids it and said that he didn’t ready yet. What the hell he needs to be ready for?” fussed Yoongi, clearly infuriated when he thought about Jungkook.
Namjoon released a deep sighed at the rants. Feeling trapped in the middle, between Yoongi and Jungkook. He was trying to be fair and considerate. He had expected the mixed reaction of his members. But he didn’t want anyone to bear any burden because of his little space.
“Hyung… He’s still young. We – we should be able to assist him and gives him some advice. We shouldn’t put the weight on his shoulder more than he was able to handle. He’s our maknae hyung…” states Namjoon, voice a little bit strained with sadness. He wants Yoongi to understand Jungkook's situation.
“Joon -ah… you know how he had…”
“Hyung… he just needs the time. Like all of you…”
“Joon, we are different. Of course, we were shocked to know about the little space but we were able to comprehend the matter almost instantly. But Jungkook… he took a long time and he even did that to you…”
Namjoon shook his head at the allegation. Can’t agree with Yoongi’s reasoning. “Give him time hyung. He will come around, I believe that. As much as I believe that you and the rest will be my caregivers, I also believe Jungkook will be the same…”
Yoongi remained silent at the saying, didn’t want to argue further with Namjoon. He didn’t want to make the younger sad and his sullen expression had made his heart squeezed with agony. Yoongi hates to make Namjoon sad like that. After all, Namjoon is the leader of BTS, he is obliged to listen and to follow his lead.
“Well, I have nothing to say then. It’s up to you Joon. As long as he didn’t do the same thing again, I’m okay with that. Let’s give him some time as you said…”
“Thanks, hyung!” exclaimed Namjoon happily and curved into a wide smile, making his dimples to appear – deeply gorgeous.
Yoongi cooed at the view and his hand automatically pinched on the cheek, near his prudent dimple. “It's because you are too cute to handle…”
Namjoon giggles at the compliment, heart swell with joy and happiness. He knew Yoongi always has the soft spot for him, hardly decline any of his request which made the other members sometimes complaints at the unfair treatment.
Not that they were uneasy at the differences but it was more to playfully teasing him and Yoongi. They're aware the special bond they shared, befriended years before BTS debuted. That is why sometimes they always pushed Namjoon to say or to ask something to Yoongi because they know Yoongi won’t refuse or get mad at Namjoon.
“Joonie? Darling? Baby? Where are you going?”
Namjoon’s long leg immediately halted at all the sweet names before he turned his body to face Seokjin. And then he realized how everyone was at the dining table for breakfast – including Jungkook. None were eating and Namjoon heart sunk to his stomach when he knew that everyone actually waiting for him to join them.
Namjoon rubs the back of his neck in guilt before he answered. “Well, you know – actually Bang PD just called me and want to see me. So – so I need to go to the company…”
Seokjin groaned at the information, both hands now on the side of his hips – clearly dissatisfied with the situation. “It’s our off day Joonie. Why he wants to see you out of sudden?” he asks, voice gruff.
“I don’t know hyung. Maybe – maybe because of yesterday's fan meeting…”
It turns to awkwardly quiet while the rest of the members staring at Namjoon. Knowing that Namjoon was in trouble now when he had left the hall because accidentally regressed to his little space. Everyone gives him a concerned look and Namjoon feels edgy at the absolute attention towards him.
“Don’t worry. I’m – I'm okay…” he said as he wanted to assure his bandmates that everything is fine and he has controlled over it. No need to worry for no reason.
Seokjin sighed before he nods weakly. “Ok fine, but – but if you feel that you’re regressing out of sudden, just called us okay. I’m on number 2 of your speed dial…”
Namjoon just silently nods at Seokjin before he left the dorm.
“He didn’t even eat his breakfast!” grunts Seokjin when he saw the untouched kimbab on Namjoon's plate. He kind of upset that he let the younger to leave the dorm without eating anything.
“He’ll be fine hyung…”
Seokjin huffed in disappointment at Jimin's word. Knowing that Namjoon was not in his little space, he tried to be more positive that he will eat something before the meeting or later. Hopefully.
Namjoon fidgeting on his seat, looking around at the spacious room – feeling restless being alone with Bang Shin Hyuk. He always feels the tense whenever Bang PD want to meet him, especially if there was something happen like yesterday. Namjoon knows the reason for this sudden meeting, can’t help from shaking his legs out of nervousness.
“Yesterday…”
Namjoon devours his own saliva as his throat feels dry at the tautness in the voice belong to Bang PD. Eyes quivering at all places but Bang PD. He was too scared to see the expression.
“What happen?” asked Bang PD with unrelenting voice. His eyes stare at the leader of BTS who looks so edgy on the seat.
Namjoon plays with both of his thumbs, brushing it together until it turns to red – but keeps quiet as he didn’t know how to answer. He can’t tell Bang PD about his little space neither he could come out with some white lies.
“You know how the fans keep asking what had happened to you yesterday, right? Don’t you think you have the responsibility to explain to me, Kim Namjoon?”
Namjoon flinched at the harsh tone, feeling suffocated that Bang PD sounded disappointed at him. He knew he had makes the old man angry. Yet he has no valid reason to defend himself right now.
“As the leader of BTS, you have to be more responsible in your acts. You can’t just leave the event like that with no valid excuse…” continues Bang PD when Namjoon remained silent. He lowered his voice as he sees how Namjoon looks nervous.
Namjoon slowly lifts his head and meet with Bang PD's sharp eyes – heart dropped to his stomach at the view. The anger and disappointment can be seen clearly on his eyes and Namjoon feels his stomach churn at that. His stomach feels empty because he had skipped the breakfast this morning but the nauseous he had right now – he wants to puke everything he had ate last night and relished himself from the cramp all over his stomach.
“I – I am sorry… I just… feel sick out of sudden and – and…”
“But it doesn’t mean that you can leave the event without saying anything to the manager Namjoon. And the members too had gone home with you without prior notice. It’s totally wrong to do that!”
Namjoon breathe hitched at the rising voice and his eyes brimmed with tears when he saw the red face of Bang PD – clearly mad at him right now.
“So – sorry… it – it’s my mistake. They – they were worried about me that – that they didn’t have the time to tell anything to the manager… I apologized on their behalf, please PD – nim don’t get mad at them…”
Bang PD stares at Namjoon as he pleads for his bandmates. Despite being angry for what had happened at the fan meeting, his heart swells with pride when he saw how Namjoon defending his teammates.
Namjoon has always been known for his selfless act, absorbing all the negatives for the members and let all the positivity’s reached the rest of them. He was the bridge between the company and the members – a heavy burden he needs to bear as the leader of BTS.
“Namjoon…”
Namjoon holds his breath at his name, palms and forehead start to fickle with sweats.
“Sukhoon didn’t happy how you and the members treat him yesterday. He’s your manager but all of you left him at the event without a word. He almost resigned from his post and I need to coax him for him to stay…”
“PD – nim… I – I didn’t know that…” Namjoon apparently shocked at the sudden news, voice shaken as he feels guilty how the things had turned to worst.
“He's the new manager and had been working for all of you about one month only. I know it’s hard for you to get used to each other. But at least don’t treat him like he has no value at all…”
Namjoon eyes widen at the accusation, vigorously shook his head to deny as such. “No, no PD – nim. We – we never did that to him. Sukhoon – hyung is our manager and of course, we respect him. No one ever dares to be rude or acted wrongly towards him. No… it’s not true…”
Bang PD sighed as Namjoon try to explain himself and defending his bandmates. “Sukhoon said that all of you ignores him and makes him run behind the van yesterday…”
“That – that’s not true! We will notice him if he was chasing us or…” rebut Namjoon instantly, voice rising as he was shocked at the accusation.
“So you were saying he lied to me?” intervene Bang PD with an accusatory tone. Eyes on Namjoon - murderously.
Namjoon’s shoulder immediately slumps before he shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant…”
“This is final warning Namjoon. Tell your bandmates too. I won’t tolerate if any of you misbehave towards any BigHit staff. And Sukhoon is your manager, you have to respect him…”
Namjoon feels so wrong. To say that he was angry won’t be a total lie. What had Sukhoon said to Bang PD that makes the old man become so mad about yesterday? And why did Sukhoon said everyone is rude against him? As far as Namjoon concern, no one ever acted like that. They had respected Sukhoon the same as they did to Sejin.
Namjoon massaged his temple, feeling the headache started to become more prominent. He feels trapped and discomfort. When Bang PD said he can leave the room, Namjoon quietly gets up from the chair and bid a silent goodbye to the said male.
Namjoon feels the fatigue starts to engulf him and the urge to regress like a ticking bomb. He wants to go home and cuddles with his caregivers. He didn’t care either it’s Yoongi or Seokjin or even Jimin. He just wants to get away from here.
However, when he stepped out from the room Namjoon was appalled to see Sukhoon – leaning on the wall in front of Bang PD's room, hand crossed to the waist. And Namjoon frowned when he saw the smirk on Sukhoon face. What was that?
(CW : ⚠️)
“I guess Bang PD had told you right?” he said snobbishly.
Namjoon arched further his brows, notice the difference in Sukhoon's tone. And Namjoon didn’t feel good about it. “Why did you told PD-nim that we left you at the scene? You know that we never do that right? Yesterday, we were…”
“I saw you Namjoon,” interrupts Sukhoon, ignoring Namjoon question completely.
Namjoon was flabbergasted. “Saw what?”
Sukhoon let out a soft chuckle before he moved forwards, making the distance between him and Namjoon become closer. He can see how Namjoon's body tensed and he smiles evilly. “I saw how you’re acting weird… you know…”
Namjoon took a deep breath while his eyes stare at Sukhoon – obviously shocked. He starts to shake a little bit when he saw the dark expression of their new manager. Namjoon let out a small yelp when Sukhoon suddenly grabbed both of his forearms, burying his nail on the flesh. Namjoon winced in pain at the violent act.
“I know how you were acting like a child, Namjoon. I saw how you’re crying yesterday. Oh, and what we called it? Little space? Isn’t that right?” whispered Sukhoon.
“Wh – what are you…”
“You are being too careless Namjoon. A dirty secret like that shouldn’t be shown in public. But you… you as the leader of BTS acted like a child… isn’t that interesting? How do you think the Army will think about you? Disgusting? Retarded? Shameful?”
Namjoon gritted his teeth at the statement, looking at Sukhoon with his glassy eyes. He tried so hard not to show to the male that he had slowly regressed to his headspace, fisting both of his hand until the knuckles turn to white.
“What – what do you want Sukhoon?” asked Namjoon stammering as he tried not to sound like a little kid in fear. Which he failed to do so.
Sukhoon scoffs at the audacity but he did notice the changes in Namjoon's voice. He hovered his eyes up and down like he was scanning Namjoon' s whole body. He smugly smiles when he can see how the body is now trembling.
“Well… I’m not going to tell anyone about your secret… but you need to listen to me. Understand?”
“If - if I don’t?” refute Namjoon.
Sukhoon laughed at the answer. “You won’t like that Namjoon. You have no idea of what I am capable to do. To you...and to your friends. You didn’t want me to do something bad to your friends right?” threatens Sukhoon. Purposely used the word ‘friends’ to provoke Namjoon, knowing how Namjoon always been protective towards his bandmates.
Namjoon eyes widen in horror. “No! Don’t – don’t touch them. I won’t let you harm any of my friends!”
Sukhoon let go of his grip over Namjoon's forearm, raised his hand to his cheek before he pats on it a few times. “Then you need to listen to me baby boy. Okay?”
(CW : ⚠️END)
Namjoon feels his body weaken at the gesture and he almost collapses on the floor after Sukhoon left him alone on the corridor - going into Bang PD's room. Namjoon clenched on his clothed chest, feeling the escalated heartbeat due to the harrowing situation. His tears slowly rolling down to his cheek as he crouched down and leaned his body to the wall.
This is too much to handle. Namjoon thought to himself. He couldn’t breathe properly, he tries to look for someone nearby but no one was there. He can see his shaking hand when he took out his phone. When he tapped on the screen, Namjoon brows curved in confusion.
There’s a password need to be filled in. As his vision blurry because of his accumulated tears, he tries a few times but failed. He can’t remember the password. Namjoon let out a small sob, whining when he failed to open it. He needs to call Seokjin!
Namjoon gets up from the floor, looking so lost that the hallway seems too wide and far and quiet. And why did the light seems off?
“Daddy?” his voice sounded so small as he walked through the corridor – legs wobbled on each step.
“Dada?” Namjoon starts to sobs when he can’t find any of his caregivers. The building looks so strange and he didn’t even know where he is right now. His mind totally slipped into the little space.
“Ap – appa? Where are you? Joonie… scawed!”
There’s no one there as he kept walking around. Namjoon didn’t like how quiet the floor was, feeling scared that someone or something might come out and takes him somewhere. He wants his Daddy right now!
Namjoon almost screamed when someone had grabbed his forearm and forcefully swirled his body to face the culprit. Eyes widen in fear and his heart hammering out loud, like it's going to burst.
“Why are you crying? What happened?”
Namjoon let out a choking sound when he saw that person, immediately swoop his body forward and embraced the said male in a tight hug. He hides his face on the nape of the male, let out his tears and starts to cry.
“Uff!!” the said male groaned at the sudden impact and both almost fall on the ground if the male didn’t manage to catch his lanky body and instantly leans on the wall.
“Hyungie!!!”
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Notes:
I don't know why this suddenly turn into another angst but yeah it just happens lol
Still, I hope you will keep reading this and I promise it will be better in the future
Hope so🙊
Side note's:- Sukhoon is a fictional character
Chapter 11: 𝙏𝙀𝙉
Chapter Text
“Hyungie!!!”
Jungkook was appalled when Namjoon suddenly hugged him, making him to stumble a few steps backward. Despite the unexpected action he managed to hold himself from falling and leaned on the wall.
“Wha – what happened hyung?” He asked. But Jungkook eyes widen when Namjoon sobs turn to a loud crying as he keeps nuzzle his face on Jungkook’s neck. Without hesitation, his hand moved to rub up and down on Namjoon's back and his other hand cupped the back of his head tenderly.
“Hyungie! Joo – joonie scawed…” sobs Namjoon, voice muffled but still audible.
Jungkook frowned at the saying, wonder what had happened for the leader to feel scared. He remembered that this morning he had a meeting with Bang PD about the incident at the fan meeting.
Did Bang PD get mad at Namjoon? But it will be too ridiculous since everyone knows how much Bang PD adores Namjoon like his own son.
“Calm down hyung…just breathe and tell me what’s happen…” Jungkook tries to coax the leader. His voice sounded awkward since Namjoon was in the little space and Jungkook still couldn’t grasp on how to deal with little Namjoon. Unlikely Yoongi and Seokjin. But he tried.
Namjoon shook his head, refused to tell Jungkook. He tightens his grip on Jungkook's, buried his face further on the shoulder blade as he continues to cry. He just want the maknae to hold him, make him to feel safe and to assure him that everything will be fine.
“What’s happening here?”
Jungkook was taken aback at the foreign voice before he realized that it's Bang PD. Jungkook starts to feel nervous with the presence of the said male, afraid that he will notice the differences in Namjoon. He obviously can see how he is frowning when he saw how Namjoon had been hugging him.
“What happen to Namjoon?” Bang PD asks with curiosity.
Jungkook devours in nervousness. He looks straight into Bang PD's eyes and he is aware that Sukhoon was standing behind Bang PD, also waiting for him to explain about Namjoon. Shit!
“Ah – actually – actually Namjoon-hyung didn’t feel well. He – he feels dizzy and I’m just trying to hold him…” Jungkook lies, slightly stammering that he just couldn’t muster up the excuse efficiently.
Bang PD frowned and look at the two suspiciously. But then he remembered how Namjoon had told him before that he didn’t feel good since yesterday at the fan meeting.
“So I guess he's really sick. You two should go back to the dorm, then. And don’t forget to bring Namjoon to the doctor…” says the old man.
Jungkook nods wildly at the suggestion. “Yes – yes I will…”
“Sorry that I can't send you both. I and Sukhoon has an important meeting and we need to go…” explained Bang PD, a little bit guilty that he couldn't give a hand to help Namjoon and Jungkook.
Jungkook shook his head. “It's okay PD-nim, I’ll handle this…just go to the meeting…fast!” Jungkook knows he sounds too desperate for Bang PD to leave right now and how bad his acting was but he just need to do it.
Bang PD nods before he pats on Namjoon's back. “Get well soon, son…” he says in fatherly voice, worry evidently shows on his face. Namjoon squirmed, hummed as a response as he refuses to show his crying face to Bang PD.
“You should take care of your health Namjoon. The tour is coming and you need to be fit for that…” Sukhoon raised his concern – faking it effortlessly in front of Jungkook.
“We will hyung. Don’t worry…” Jungkook answered on behalf of Namjoon. His brows shoot up when Namjoon pressed his body closer and he makes a whimpering sound hearing Sukhoon's voice and how his body stiffen at the presence of the new manager.
Sukhoon smiles to Jungkook which he failed to notice that it was actually an evil smirk. He then slowly put his hand over Namjoon's forearm, moves slowly up and down caressing the leader.
“Be careful Namjoon. Don’t get sick because you know how much I – well, the boys need you…” he says with a soft and tender voice, almost whispering.
Namjoon’s flinched at the reminder, had goosebumps out of fear and his tears rolled down to his cheek like a river. He hides his face further on the crook of Jungkook's neck – refused to see Sukhoon. The touch by the latter male feels like fire and he squirmed further – he hates that filthy hand touching his body.
Jungkook bows his head slightly when Sukhoon dismissed himself and leave the two alone. Sukhoon let out a slow chortle, feeling amused to see how Namjoon looks scared just now.
The time will come when you will be in my hand, Kim Namjoon!
“Hyung…”
“No! Joonie scawed. Hyungie… Joo – joonie scawed…”
When Namjoon starts to wheeze and let out a choking sound, Jungkook immediately knows that the leader was on the verge of a panic attack. Jungkook looks around and relieved that no one nearby and he needs to make sure Namjoon is subtle enough before he can bring him back home. They shouldn’t stir any attention that will jeopardize their image.
Without breaking the hug; because Namjoon won’t let him – Jungkook slowly moves forward, heading towards the restroom at the end of the floor. It was a hassle to walk when someone as big as Namjoon was clinging to him and Jungkook walked like a robot.
The cry now had turned into a pitiful sob when both of them entered the restroom. Namjoon keeps on clinging onto Jungkook, won’t let go of his hand. Jungkook huffed at the situation. Not that he got irritated but more on to the restricted movement.
“Ok hyung…let go now. I have to see your face… okay?” Jungkook says while he pats on Namjoon's back.
“No…!!” Namjoon whined, shook his head wildly.
Jungkook took a deep breath, trying to compose himself dealing with the stubborn Namjoon. “Come on, hyung…” he said as he tries to push Namjoon's body from his. “Don’t be a brat and listen to me…” he continues.
Namjoon breathe hitched at the mention of ‘brat’, slowly pulled away from Jungkook, sniffles in sadness and head dangled down to the floor – still crying.
Jungkook’s heart sunk at the sight, how puffy the eyes and it had turned to bright red because of the non-stop crying by the elder. He approached Namjoon slowly before he placed both of his hand on Namjoon's waist.
“Let me put you on the counter, okay?” Jungkook carefully told Namjoon, waiting for him to say yes or anything equivalent to it. He flashed a small smile when Namjoon nods his head. Jungkook then lift Namjoon in one attempt, makes sure Namjoon sits on the counter safely. His long leg dangling down.
He then tapped on the faucet, wetting his hand before he helped Namjoon washed his face – clearing the remaining tears and snot on his face so that Namjoon will feel fresh again. Namjoon just let the maknae do whatever he thinks right and watched how attentive Jungkook been treating him.
“Did – did you hate me because I’m a bwat?”
Jungkook halted in whatever he is doing, immediately cocked his head towards the elder – who had been fidgeting in nervousness, swaying his feet back and forth. He looks really edgy and in the brimmed of tears. Looking at Jungkook with his round doe eyes.
Jungkook bits his lips before he clears his throat as it feels suddenly dry and scratchy. “Hyung, I never – don’t, you know… I was…”
“You don’t want to be Joonie hyungie?”
Jungkook almost choked on his own saliva, looking at Namjoon with a mix of emotion. His lips parted, trying to say something to deny the allegation but Namjoon had beaten him first.
“You hate little Joonie?”
Jungkook wasn’t able to give any reason or excuse when Namjoon broke down into another crying fit, reverberated in the empty restroom. They were lucky there’s no one in there.
Oh shit! Jungkook cursed to himself before he swoops his body and embraced Namjoon into another hug. He caressed the back of the elder as he starts to hiccup, shushing the male to stop crying.
“No, hyu – Joonie… no, hyungie don’t hate you. Hyungie is sorry that hyungie being really bad. Hyungie just – just need time. Okay. Don’t cry… Hyungie like Joonie, so please stop crying…”
Jungkook runs his fingers through Namjoon's smooth silky hair as he keeps pats the back of the little. “Don’t cry little one. Hyungie doesn’t hate Joonie…” he continues to cajole the little.
Jungkook twitched into a smile when he realized how Namjoon's tense body start to loosen up a little bit and his crying dissipated into a small sob, hiccupping a little bit but at least he had become calmer than before.
Jungkook slowly distancing himself, bend his head a little bit and peeked to see Namjoon's flushed face. A drop of clear salty liquid secreted from glands in his eye was clearly seen on his face. Jungkook feels guilty that he was the reason for such tears been shed by the elder – partly.
Jungkook wipes those priceless tears with his thumbs and cupped the face of the elder gently. “I’m sorry okay?” he says in a soothing voice as if he was dealing with something fragile – afraid he will break Namjoon.
Namjoon cocked his head to the side adorably. “Sowie? Why hyungie sowie?” he asked in a slurred voice.
Jungkook chuckles before he pressed his head on Namjoon's forehead. Continue to emit a peal of slow laughter when Namjoon puffing his cheek – didn’t understand as to why the maknae was laughing.
“Sorry for everything. I’ll treat you better. I promise I’ll be a good hyungie to Joonie…”
Namjoon eyes glistening at the statement, looking at Jungkook with joy that he wants to be Namjoon's caregiver.
“Weally? Hyungie wan – wan to be Joonie hyungie? Pway wif Joonie? Sweep wif Joonie? And – and hewp Joonie color – color sailor moon?”
Jungkook let out a breathily laughter at the saying before he nods his head – agrees to do all the thing list down by Namjoon. “Hyungie promise!”
“Pinkie pwomise?” Namjoon shoved his pinky finger in front of Jungkook’s face with hopeful eyes.
Jungkook smiles before he locks his pinky finger with Namjoon's together, sealing the promise with Namjoon, to signify that once made can never be broken.
Namjoon giggles happily as he shook their entangled fingers together. “Pinky – pinky bow bell. Whoever tells a lie, will sink down to - to the bad place, and - and never rise up again,” he sing-song the chants gleefully.
Jungkook laughs at the cute pinky swear song, ruffling the little's hair fondly. Looking at how calm Namjoon was now, Jungkook stares at the male before he asked the question.
“So, Joonie…can you tell me what had happened earlier? Why are you crying?”
Namjoon flinched at the sudden question, didn’t expect that his caregiver was going to ask him about it. He thought it was long forgotten and he himself already concealed himself from the memory.
Namjoon fiddling with his fingers, feeling the edginess overpowering his conscience – slowly his eyes welled up in tears. The image of Sukhoon flashed to his mind and his threats make his breathing hitched in fear.
“Hey… don’t be scared. Hyungie is here for you. I’ll protect you so don’t you worry and just tell me…” coax Jungkook when he saw Namjoon’s body shaking a little bit.
Namjoon sniffles and his lips were trembling. “Joonie – joonie no wan to talk. Joonie scawed…”
“But Joonie…”
“Joonie wanna go home!” wailed Namjoon, feeling suffocated being interrogate like that. He didn’t like the feeling when someone trying to force him to do something he didn’t like.
Jungkook was flabbergasted at the reaction, quickly hugged Namjoon. “Okay…okay… hyungie sorry. Let’s – let’s go home baby…”
Jungkook groaned at the heavyweight as he carries Namjoon who had clinging to him like a koala. The said male had fallen asleep in the car and Jungkook has to carry him to the dorm. Thanks to the gym classes and the consistent exercise he had been doing that he managed to lift Namjoon much easier. It still caused some problem but he was able to manage it. Better than Yoongi.
Jungkook rang the bell since it's hard for him to move his finger to punch the passcode on the door – both were holding Namjoon's thigh, preventing the male from slipping down.
He heard a loud gasped when the main door is being open and when he averted his eyes he saw Seokjin’s shocked face.
“What happen??!!” he whispers yelled at Jungkook when he realized Namjoon was sleeping soundly.
Jungkook let out a soft grunt, didn’t answer the question of the eldest before he entered the dorm. A few steps scurried around the living hall can be heard and everyone swamp at Jungkook and Namjoon with the same expression as Seokjin.
“Give him to me…” says Yoongi. Not that he hates Jungkook but he notices his frown while he had been carrying Namjoon.
Yoongi was trying to take Namjoon from Jungkook when Namjoon whimpers and whined at the touch – tighten his arms on Jungkook’s neck.
“No! Wan hyungie!!”
“It’s okay hyung… I got him…”
Yoongi raised his brows in confusion at the situation, giving a glance at Seokjin who had been staring at him with questioning looks too.
Jungkook brings Namjoon to the couch, carefully slumps his ass on the couch where he carefully moves Namjoon to his lap. Namjoon buried his face on Jungkook's shoulder blade while his hand on the male’s neck and waist. He didn’t even open his eyes – a hint that he is still sleepy.
“What happen?” asked Seokjin as everyone settled down at the living room – gawking at Jungkook.
“I – I don’t know. I found him in front of Bang PD's office and he was crying. He said he was scared of something. But when I asked him about what he just keeps crying. So I brought him home…” explained Jungkook.
Everyone gasped at the explanation. Namjoon whined at the noise, nuzzle his face further to Jungkook's chest. Jungkook can sense the discomfort immediately pats on his thigh slowly, lulled Namjoon back to his sleep.
Seokjin and Yoongi realized the changes between Jungkook and Namjoon before both of them exchanging their gaze meaningfully. Seokjin flashed a soft smile which been reciprocated by the oldest rapper – contended that Jungkook finally was able to accept Namjoon as a little.
“Maybe he had regressed to the little space after the meeting with PD-nim. It doesn’t look good to me…” told Jungkook, concern evidently shows in his voice.
Seokjin sighed at the statement. “We shouldn’t let him go alone. Since we already know about his little space and how he will regress when he is stressed, we need to go with him next time. At least someone needs to accompany him.”
Everyone nods in agreement. They were worried that Namjoon might accidentally slip into little space like this again in the future. And without his caregivers around it will be too dangerous. Someone might saw Namjoon and will take advantage of it.
“We’re lucky that I’m the one who had found him there…” tell Jungkook a little bit relieved. He was thankful that he decided to go to the company to do some errands this morning.
At first, he feels so stuffy in the dorm where Yoongi had been giving him a cold stare. He didn’t mean to meet Namjoon there though. It's just a coincidence that he was on the same floor before he saw Namjoon's crouching down on the floor – looking so lost and haggard.
“You did a good job Kookie!” compliments Seokjin, giving the maknae a proud smile.
“Thanks, hyung. And – and I’m sorry for being a brat. I know I shouldn’t react like that and I have no excuse to say that I have a good reason to do that. It's my fault and I will do my best to be Namjoon hyung caregiver...”
Everyone looks at their golden maknae with a smile as no one ever had a grudge towards him. They were relieved that Jungkook didn’t take too long to accept his role as the caregiver.
“I’m sorry too for getting mad at you. We should discuss this peacefully but instead, I just snapped…” Yoongi apologized to the maknae. Realized how he had been exaggerated for scolding Jungkook. He should give him the time to grasp on everything as Namjoon said. He just being impatient.
Jungkook shook his head. “No hyung. You have the reason to get mad. I should be more understanding. Sorry for the problem I caused to all of you…”
Seokjin clapped his hand to break the uptight conversation. “Okay let’s end this sentimental talks and decides what’s to eat for dinner…” he said chirpily trying to lift up the mood.
“I want a fried chicken hyung!” says Taehyung.
“I think we need to eat something healthy. I’m sure Namjoon didn’t eat yet today…” suggest Yoongi as his eyes drifted to the sleeping Namjoon on Jungkook's lap.
Seokjin nods. “I’ll cook then. And all of you need to help me except Jungkook…” he says while he pointed his finger on each member.
The members whined at the words before they clasped their hand over the mouth when Namjoon once again whimpers at the noise.
“Shh… hyungie here…just sleep, baby…” Jungkook caressed Namjoon's hair gently.
Everyone cooed at how attentive Jungkook was right now. The golden maknae’s face flushed in red when all eyes on him with a playful smile plastered on their face.
“Wait!”
Everyone flinched at the sudden whisper yelled by Taehyung, looking at him with confusion.
Taehyung let out a heavy breath, pouted his lips before he speaks his mind. “Why Jungkook is the hyung? I want a nickname too! Only me has no specific name as the caregiver!” he complains, both hand now crossed to his waist with dissatisfaction.
“Don’t forget me…” intervenes Hoseok with a dejected voice – feeling sad that Namjoon didn’t give him a name yet. His sullen expression was an obvious statement that he is sad too.
The other four rolled their eyes at the demeanor of the two.
“Let’s ask him when he is awake,” Seokjin says. Hoseok seems to agree with that and he can’t wait to know what will Namjoon called him. He needs to think a better name and suggested it to Namjoon.
Maybe Papa or Dad? Which one is better?
“Well, can I ask him to call me oppa then?”
“Taehyung!!”
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Chapter 12: 𝙀𝙇𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
This chapter is a pure fluff 🙊
Taehyung: “Well, can I ask him to call me oppa then?”
Namjoon eyes widen when he saw his favorite chicken nugget in front of him. He woke up still in his little space as Jungkook brings him to the dining table. After helping the little to sit properly, Jungkook took the seat beside Yoongi.
Namjoon squirmed on his chair, a little bit too excited to start eating dinner. Meanwhile, his other members were swooning over his cuteness. Namjoon was about to take one of the nugget before Seokjin smacked his hand – not too soft but not too harsh either.
Namjoon pouted, looking at Seokjin a little bit angry. “Why appa? Joo-Joonie hungwy!” he whined.
Seokjin moves his pointing finger left and right while he clicked his tongue. “No, baby. No nugget until you finish your rice…” he says firmly.
Namjoon gnawed his lips – obviously sulking. He shifted his gaze over his bowl full of rice, making a face of dislike. “No-no…no wice…Joonie no wike wice, appa…” he pleads with his doe eyes, jiggling his head wildly.
Seokjin peered his eyes towards the little. Frowning at his refusal to eat the rice. He always knows how Namjoon really loves food. He ate a lot and have no concern over his diet. He basically eats everything except seafood. He never says no to food and gobbled everything as much as he can. He always fascinated by how much Namjoon can stuff the food into his flat stomach.
Ignoring the little, Seokjin pushed the rice bowl closer to Namjoon, making him let out a long whine. “Eat this then you can get the nugget, Joonie. Okay?” coaxed Seokjin again.
Namjoon puffed his cheek, shaking his head while his eyes prick with tears. “No! Joonie wan nugget!” he protested.
Seokjin averted his eyes towards the other members that were watching the whole drama – asking for help to persuade the little to eat his rice. Seokjin rolled his eyes when everyone nozzle out their lips towards Yoongi.
Yoongi squinted his eyes with irritation at his members' antics before he looks at Seokjin. “Do you think I'm the right person to coax him, Jin-hyung?” he asked nonchalantly, showing his emotionless face.
“At least try ‘daddy’…” Seokjin notes, purposely emphasize the words ‘daddy’ while he glared at the oldest rapper.
Yoongi groaned at the statement before he turned to face the sulking Namjoon. “Hey, Joonie…just eat the rice and you can have the nugget later…”
Namjoon shook his head, jutted his lips further. “Joonie wan nugget daddy! No wice pwease…” begged him as the droplet of tears flows from the damp of his eyes.
Yoongi took a breather, glancing at Seokjin that obviously started to stress himself for Namjoon's bratty attitude. Actually, no one ever expects for Namjoon to act like that in a little space. It is natural for the leader to be understanding and being responsible for everything. He never complaints unless he really needs to do so. But basically, it was rarely done by the leader.
Dealing with this new personality really had testing their patience. Everyone visibly on the edge and maybe someone might explode if Namjoon keeps on refusing to take his dinner. Who knows who.
“Joonie, it's not good for your tummy if you only eat nugget. You need decent food first. And listen to your appa and daddy, please…”
Namjoon lips tremble as he starts to sobs when he heard the stern voice of his daddy, looking at him with a displeased expression. He knows his appa on the verge of losing his patience. However, being a little, he couldn’t comprehend properly the consequences if he keeps on being stubborn.
It is natural for a three years old kid to throw a tantrum when they didn’t get what they want. And this also happens to our Joonie. He just acted out of his gut, pursuing his innocent demand to have his nugget instead of rice. He thought he was doing something right.
Namjoon pushed away the bowl and maybe a little bit harsher. The bowl tilted and slowly rolling on the table before it fell onto the floor - breaking the precious bowl belongs to Seokjin into pieces.
The situation was eerily quite and you can’t even hear anyone taking a breath at the commotion. Yoongi was taken aback at the rebellious act, Seokjin face reddened to see his favorite bowl on the floor and the rest was apparently shocked – watching the three with wide eyes and mouth agape.
Namjoon stares at the broken bowl as his heart sunk to his stomach and hammering out loud. His hand was shaking when he averted his eyes and meet with his appa's murderous gaze.
“Joo-Joonie sowie appa…” he said with apologetic shaken voice before he broke into a crying fit, chanting the words sorry repeatedly. "Joonie sowie!!!"
Seokjin was cut off from his trance, flabbergasted when Namjoon crying out loud. He instantly crouching in front of Namjoon and took his shaking hand into his. He gawked over at the little face now soaking wet with tears and how his face flushed with red due to the crying.
“It’s okay, darling. Don’t cry… it's okay… no need to be sad about it, okay?” he coaxed the little, squeezing his hands as an assurance that he didn't mad at him.
To say he didn’t feel sad when he saw the bowl on the floor, it will be a total lie. It was one of his collection and now had one deficit. It will bug him forever and he might be upset that the set is now incomplete. He wants to scold at the leader and ranting over how difficult to have the same pattern again – since it’s a special edition.
But looking at how sad and apologetic the look of the little, Seokjin's heart melted right away. Who can get mad at cute and adorable Namjoon? Not when he said he was sorry in a cute tiny voice. It's okay if the set had lack one bowl, as long as Namjoon didn’t cry. It makes his heart ached terribly when he saw the tears.
Maybe, this is what a real parent actually feel when their precious children were crying. They give out their heart immediately. Ignores all the wrong and mistakes, brace their weakness with love. Because the parent will do anything for the sake of their children's happiness. That's what their heart was made for.
Namjoon looks at his appa through his wet eyelashes and glanced at the broken bowl. “Joonie…Joonie sowie appa. The bowl… the bowl…”
Seokjin hugged the little, rubbing his back up and down as Namjoon keeps on crying on his shoulder's blade. He can feel the tears over his t-shirt and Seokjin feels even more sorry that he had shown his angry face towards the younger.
“It's okay. Appa not angry at Joonie…” he said before he loosens up his embrace and stares at Namjoon. Seokjin sighed in agony, wiping the tears on Namjoon's face with his palm.
“Appa will clean this first. Don’t move and stay still. I don’t want you to get hurt…”
Namjoon nods while hiccupping, watching his caregiver get up and took the broom and start to sweep away the broken glass. He makes sure that none of the shattered pieces been left out before he came back to the dining table with a new bowl full of rice. This time it's plastic. Better be safe than sorry!
“Now eat this and no more acting up…” said Seokjin with a serious tone. Everyone at the dining table was watching the elder in nervousness, afraid that Namjoon will throw another tantrum.
Up to their relieves, Namjoon took the spoon and feed the rice to his mouth, without breaking the eye contact with Seokjin.
“Joo-Joonie eats appa…” he said, still let out a few hiccups. He has no gut to cause any trouble again after the bowl incident.
Seokjin smiles and ruffled the hair of the little fondly. “Good boy!” he says before he dragged the chair and sit. He glanced at his other members with a glare. “Eat!” he said sternly.
Everyone was flustered at the command, instantly took their bowl and eat quietly. An angry Seokjin was scarier than grumpy Yoongi. They won’t bet on their head to mess with the eldest. Not when he just lost his precious bowl.
“I think Joonie should call you eomma rather than appa, hyung. You look like those typical mothers when you were handling Joonie's attitude…”
Everyone gasped at the comment made by Taehyung, looking at him incredulously. Couldn’t believe he was able to pull himself to say such thing at the crucial moment.
“Ow! Why are you kicking me Jungkook?!” squeaked Taehyung when Jungkook kicks his calves, a little bit too hard.
Jungkook rolled his eyes at his absentminded. Everyone was giving him the look but Taehyung just shrugs and dismissed the reaction.
Seokjin scoffs at Taehyung weird antics. However he didn’t feel hurt at his comment, already knows about his odd personality. “I’m not a woman for him to call me eomma, Tae…” noted Seokjin.
Seokjin always emphasized his chagrin over the nickname given by some of the army. How he didn’t like to be called as ‘eomma’. It is understandable that some of them may picturize Seokjin role as the mother of BTS because of his caring personality. But it doesn’t mean that it is appropriate to call him ‘eomma’ because of that.
“I don’t think Joonie had considered Jin-hyung as eomma too. If not he won’t be calling him as appa in his little space…” said Jimin, justifying the situation.
“Yeah, I know that. I know Jin-hyung hates when someone calls him eomma…” agrees Taehyung while he munched his food deliciously.
Seokjin then let out a boisterous laugh, making everyone frowning at his odd response. Seokjin wipes his happy tears before he starts to speak. “It will be funny if he called me eomma, you know! That's mean I’m married to Yoongi…” he says in between of his laughter.
Yoongi let out a small grunt at the joke before he laughed together with everyone. The tension at the dining table earlier slowly dissipated and their stiffen body loosen up comfortably.
“Why appa laugh?”
Seokjin tilted his head towards the confuse little before he shook his head. “Nothing Joonie. It’s just an adult talk…”
Namjoon pouted, feeling been left out by his caregivers because he didn’t understand why are they laughing. He puts his spoon to the side, tugged on Seokjin's sleeves.
“Yes, Joonie?”
“Nugget pwease…”
Seokjin changed his gaze to his bowl, already half eaten before he spares his eyes at the little hopeful face. “Well since you eat your rice, appa will give you the nugget…”
Namjoon grinned happily, bouncing on his seat while he waits for Seokjin to put the nugget into his plate. A plastic plate of course. He claps his hand gleefully when he saw the chicken nugget and hastily take a bite. Eyes sparkles as the taste of the chicken nugget fill in his mouth.
“It-it's dewishes appa!!” he squealed.
Seokjin and his other caregivers laughed at his cute reaction and swooning at how he looks so happy eating his nugget.
“Eat slowly Joonie…” Seokjin reminded when he saw how his cheek bulged as he eats the nugget hastily. Namjoon grinned showing his mouth full of nugget before he swallows his food carefully.
Everyone was scattered around on the living hall for movie time after dinner. Yoongi, Seokjin, and Hoseok took the long couch meanwhile the maknae line sit on the floor. Namjoon were lying in front of them, coloring his favorite Sailormoon.
“Can we watch Annabelle?” asked Jungkook, wiggling his brows playfully.
Everyone gasped at the suggestion, narrowed down their eyes towards the maknae. They were begrudgingly staring at the maknae, didn’t understand why he needs to choose a horror film to spend their movie time together.
“You did aware that we have a little kid here right?” says Seokjin as he pointed at Namjoon who was too engulfed in his coloring activity.
Jungkook whined. “But hyung, I want to watch it…”
“Let's choose another film Kook-ah. A safer one since Namjoon is a little right now. You don’t want him to pee himself right?” Hoseok mentioned. Either it is for Namjoon or himself, Hoseok didn’t prefer to watch a horror movie. It was not his cup of tea. Never.
“I think it is you that will pee in your pant hyung!” teased Taehyung as the other laughed. They already know how easily Hoseok got scared.
Hoseok snarled at the younger. “Yah! Respect your hyung!”
Taehyung stuck out his tongue playfully and Hoseok smacks the back of his head. Yoongi shook his head watching his members goofing around.
“No horror movie. Joonie’s here…” he said with an assertive tone, looking at Jungkook with a stoic expression.
Jungkook huffed in disappointment before he clicks on the movie list to see any other interesting film to watch. He didn’t realize how Namjoon had been moved closer to him to see what he is doing.
Namjoon eyes lock on the screen, trailing over the movie's poster shown on the television. “Joonie wike that!!” he shouted excitedly pointed at the television.
Jungkook stops pressing the remote and everyone mouth gaped looking at the poster shown in the screen. Jungkook slowly turned his head towards the rest of the member to see their expression.
“Minion…Hyungie its minion! Joonie wan Minion!” he exclaimed as his eyes fixated on the screen – too happy to see the poster of The Despicable Me. One of his favorite movie.
Jungkook bites his lips. “What now?” he whispers at his members.
Seokjin rolled his eyes before he beckons on the younger to select the movie as requested by Namjoon. They won’t be able to decline his request though. Especially when he already crawled over and let himself squished in between Taehyung and Jimin on the floor.
Jimin and Taehyung were glad to have Namjoon closed to them, giving him the space needed. Taehyung took the koya blanket given by Seokjin and put on Namjoon's lap. Namjoon grinned sheepishly as he hugged his Ryan firmly to his chest.
It was almost twelve midnight when the movie ended and Namjoon already has fallen asleep – rested his head onto Taehyung's shoulder. They move quietly, didn’t want to wake up the little and start to put aside all the pillows they have to watch the movie earlier.
“He’s sleeping hyung…” said Taehyung, still didn’t move from his place, peeking on Namjoon's sleeping face. A soft snores emitted by the male as his lips parted slightly. Cutie!
“Well, someone needs to pick him up then…” Seokjin said.
Jungkook volunteered himself, agreed by the rest since he is the most capable of doing so without any hassle. He slowly crouched in front of the little, trying to put his arm under Namjoon's leg when he whined sleepily.
“Hey baby, let’s hyungie bring you to the room okay?” Jungkook says in a soothing voice.
Namjoon squeezed shut his eyes, shake his head before he wrapped his arm over Taehyung torso, snuggling further on the male's neck.
Jungkook chuckles slowly. “Come on Joonie. Everyone is going to sleep now. You didn’t want to sleep here, right?” he coaxed further.
Namjoon opened the lid of his eyes, rubbing on it sleepily and start looking around where everyone already standing up while watching him.
“Minion?” he asked groggily didn’t realize that he had missed almost the entire movie – fallen asleep after half an hour watching it. His body feels lethargic after the meeting with Bang PD and the sudden confrontation with Sukhoon. His body had shut down immediately when he feels comfortable, lying his head on Taehyung's shoulder.
“No more minion Joonie. We'll watch it later okay?” said Taehyung as he caressed the hair of the little fondly.
Namjoon pouted realizing his mistake for fallen asleep too early. However, he didn’t have any intention to let his arm go, tighten his embrace over Taehyung's waist.
Taehyung softly chuckles and hold Namjoon’s arm on his torso. “Do you want oppa to pick you up baby?” he says mischievously.
“Yah, Tae!!”
Everyone sneered at the male at his demeanor, and Yoongi smacked his head for the second time that night.
Taehyung hissed in pain, rubbing the back of his head. “What? I want him to call me oppa! Is that wrong?” Taehyung start to sulk, pouting his lips.
“You can’t decide that for him Tae. Let it happen naturally. And what with this oppa thing? You’re a weirdo!” scolds Hoseok.
“All the good names had been taken away! I want a nickname too!!” Taehyung exasperatedly complaining.
“Joonie calling you oppa is really weird Tae!” states Seokjin. He couldn’t apprehend as to why Taehyung was adamant for Namjoon to call him oppa. It wasn’t appropriate for a man to call another man ‘oppa’ instead of ‘hyung’.
“But you were okay when Namjoon called Jungkook ‘hyungie'! He’s the maknae for God sake!” retaliated Taehyung as he flared his eyes at Jungkook.
Jungkook makes a funny face at the allegation, playfully teasing the male. Everyone was shocked when Namjoon called him ‘hyungie’ despite him being the youngest in BTS. Of course, Jungkook was flabbergasted too but later his heart swells with pride and joy. Namjoon has been calling him as ‘hyungie’ sounded so perfect and heavenly.
Namjoon tugged on Taehyung's shirt when he feels annoyed at the chattering sound around him. Taehyung looks down at the little and gives him his boxy smile.
“Sorry, Joonie. Are you sleepy? Let me bring you to the room. Is it okay?” he asked the little, asking for his confirmation before he can move. Namjoon was a little bit clingy when he was asleep. They learned that within these two days.
Namjoon nods his head lazily. He yawned and make a grabby hand towards Taehyung, asking the male to pick him up.
“Up – up oppa!” he says.
“What????”
“YESSSSSS!!”
“Taehyung!!”
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Notes:
I don't know if this can be considered as fluff but yeah whatever lmao
Taehyung is officially Joonie's oppa.
Hoseok's nickname will be revealed on the next chapter
Woohoo 😂😂
Chapter 13: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙇𝙑𝙀
Chapter Text
“Up – up oppa!” he says.
“What????”
“YESSSSSS!!”
Taehyung jumps in excitement hearing Namjoon calling him as oppa – the dream has come true. While the others were looking at him begrudgingly, he stuck out his tongue playfully before he picked up the little with pure happiness.
Taehyung pecked on Namjoon's cheek, leaving the little to fluster for a second before he giggling looking at his ‘oppa'.
“Oppa going to treat you better Joonie!” Says Taehyung and leave the rest of his members eyes wide open with jaws almost drop to the floor.
Seokjin facepalmed himself. “He’s going to ruin that poor boy! Taehyung is a mess!”
Yoongi scoffs. “Tell me something that I didn’t know…”
Everyone let out a deep sighed as they fully agreed with Seokjin and Yoongi. The fact that Taehyung was Namjoon's roommate didn’t help themselves to feel at ease to leave the little alone with Taehyung.
Taehyung carefully put Namjoon on the bed, standing in front of the little with both of his hand to his hips. “Don’t you need to bath before you going to sleep Joonie?” he asked.
Namjoon looks at his caregiver, pouting his plump lips before he shook his head wildly. “No! Joonie wan sweep. No baf pwease…” he begged and slowly laid his head to the pillow – getting ready to sleep with his t-shirt and jeans.
Taehyung clicked his tongue in disagreement. “Uh, no Joonie. If you don’t want to take a bath at least you need to change your clothes…”
Namjoon whined and hide his face unto the pillow and curled himself like a ball. “Joonie wan sweep, oppa!” he refused. He can’t even open up his tired eyes. Slowly drifted into the slumberland on each second.
Taehyung huffed looking at how Namjoon sleepily pulled out his jeans and kick it off from his bed – wearing his only boxer and t-shirt. He then covered his body with his favorite Koya's blanket, wrapping himself like a burrito. Within a second a soft snore emitted from his plump lips.
Taehyung shook his head at the leader's antics but he didn’t have any intention to wake him up. Namjoon seems really tired and he didn’t want to bother him further. Taehyung changed into his pajamas before he laid down to his bed.
“Op-oppa…? Sweep – sweep wif Joonie?”
Taehyung shot up from his bed, looking at sleepy Namjoon now staring at him with his droopy eyes. Namjoon pats on the side of his bed, beckon on the younger to sleep with him. Taehyung devours in nervousness but doesn’t take too long before his body automatically moves forward.
Taehyung slowly laid himself beside Namjoon, lying on the bed with a straight position awkwardly. He can hear a soft giggle from Namjoon before Taehyung gasped when Namjoon suddenly snaked his arm around Taehyung's waist and make his chest as the little's pillow.
“Joo-Joonie?”
“Swe-sweep Taetae…”
Taehyung static body starts to loosen up a bit when he heard the little snores. He took a deep breath, flicker shut his eyes as he feels odd when the leader cuddling over him. It is rare for the leader to sort for skinship from the members.
When Jimin and Jungkook were more open and free in showing their feeling towards the other members, Namjoon almost a reserved person. He was a little bit shy and not too keen for touching someone else effortlessly of even asking to be touched. It wasn’t Namjoon's forte.
But seeing how he was comfortable to initiates and to shows some skinship when he is in a little space – a new experience for Taehyung and the rest of the members too. Namjoon was too cute and adorable and they just fall over the head of the leader.
Taehyung curved into a smile when Namjoon tightens his arms around his torso, snuggle closer to him. Taehyung moved his hand slowly and grasped on his shoulder while the other hand pats over Namjoon's arm that been comfortably laid down on Taehyung's stomach.
“Goodnight Joonie…” he says as he closed his eyes with his boxy smile – remained on his face until he fell asleep that night.
“You sure we can trust him right?”
Seokjin looked at the maknae and the rest of his members as they stand awkwardly in front of the closed door – Namjoon and Taehyung shared the bedroom.
“I know he is weird sometimes but Tae will never hurt or do something bad to Namjoon. You know how he always respects and loves Namjoon…” justify Seokjin, giving assurance to his members.
The rest halted for a second, processing Seokjin's words before they bob their head; almost simultaneously. Later they scurried away to their own bedrooms to get some rest with an ease heart.
Taehyung grunts in his sleep when something had been bothering his periods of sleep. He waved his hand tries to chase away whatever the thing was and continue to sleep. However, he had been disturbed once again when something had been poking his nose and cheek continuously.
“Ugh!!” he groaned with a gruff voice – feeling annoyed. He heard a faint sound of someone laughing and Taehyung immediately opened his eyes.
Taehyung was still in his hazy state, staring blankly at the ceiling for a few seconds or a minute before another poke on his cheek cut through his short trance.
“Wakie wakie wakie! Joonie is hungwy!”
Taehyung let out a low and short guttural sound while he rolled his body to the opposite side, facing backward and ignores the rants by the little. He was too sleepy and today is their free-day so he wanted to sleep as long as he can.
Namjoon jutted his lower lips when Taehyung didn’t have any intention to wake up. He puffed his chubby cheeks, get up from the bed before he pulled Taehyung's body to lie on his back forcefully. Namjoon giggles before he climbed onto Taehyung's torso and slumps his whole weight on it.
“Wakie oppa! Wakie wakie wakie!” he shouted.
Taehyung coughed at the sudden weight, immediately opened his eyes wide to see Namjoon that had been cozily sitting on him. He slammed his own head onto the pillow with a low whimper. He squeezed shut his eyes, feeling attack by the bright light stinging his orbs.
“Joonie! I’m sleepy…” he whined as he rubs his face lazily.
“Joo-Joonie hungwy, oppa!” exclaimed Namjoon, hugging his Ryan plushy to his chest and eyes gawking at his caregiver - demanding.
“Ugh! What-what time is it?” he asked, too lazy to turn his head to see the clock by himself. Taehyung rests his forearm over his eyes, still feeling sluggish.
Namjoon quickly glanced at the clock on the nightstand, frowning when he can’t read the number except his eyes fixated on the clock looking how it moves on each second, fascinated at how the clock moved its gear.
“Umm...umm…umm, it-it's four…” mentioned Namjoon, guessing the time recklessly.
“What???” Taehyung eyes widen and almost shot up his body when he realized Namjoon still on him. He used his elbows to hold his upper body before he glanced at the clock – squinted towards it before his mouth agape.
“Joonie…” Taehyung turns his head towards the little that been playing with Ryan’s ear. “You makes me almost got a heart attack. It's 9.20 a.m darling!” he whined before he flumps his body to the bed again.
Namjoon giggles sheepishly. “Joonie can’t wead time, oppa! Silly oppa!”
“Hey! Don’t say that!”
“Oops… sowie…” Namjoon hides his small mouth with his palm, giggling cutely at his mistake while Taehyung let out a soft chuckle looking at how cute Namjoon was.
Namjoon then poked on Taehyung soft cheek once again, “Hungwy!” he says.
Taehyung hummed knowing it is a cue for him to get up. He didn’t want Namjoon to starve himself just because he was too tired and wanted to sleep more.
“Give me a kiss first then, ” teased Taehyung while he pointed at his cheek with his pointy finger.
Namjoon gasped. “Kissie?” He asked as he tilted his head to the side adorably.
Taehyung nods. “Yes, a kissie before we eat!”
Namjoon played with his Ryan, humming in hesitant at Taehyung sudden request. He stares at Taehyung that been smiling widely at him, waiting for him to kiss him a good morning.
“It's just a morning kiss, Joonie!” urged Taehyung, chuckles joyfully looking at Namjoon that been fidgeting thinking about the kiss.
Namjoon sighed before he shook his head. “No mowning kissie! Joonie is hungwy!” he declined.
Taehyung looks at Namjoon mischievously, eyes trailed over his lanky body sitting on his torso – looking a little bit too sensual when the leader just wearing a t-shirt and a boxer. He moves his hand slowly, oblivious to Namjoon before he grabbed Namjoon's waist abruptly.
Namjoon yelp at the touch, a little bit ticklish as Taehyung's fingers fixated at his waist. “No…”
“Give me a morning kiss Joonie. If not I’m going to tickle you…” threaten Taehyung evilly as he knows how ticklish the leader was.
Namjoon bits his lower lip as his hand clutched on Ryan tightly. He huffed in irritation as he stares at Taehyung who had been grinning waiting for his morning kiss.
“Umm…but-but Joonie…” he was hesitating and his cheek turn to pink hue, playing with his Ryan. It was embarrassing to do, either in a little space or not. He might be three but he understands a little bit what is a ‘kiss’.
Taehyung chuckles at the sight before he squeezed his hand over Namjoon's hip making the little to squeak out loud. Taehyung didn’t wait too long as he starts tickling the leader resulting the male to squirm while laughing out loud.
Taehyung rolled their bodies where their early position changed – Taehyung now on top of Namjoon; still playfully teasing the little. Namjoon couldn’t help from feeling funny all over his waist, continue to laugh while trying to escape himself from being tackle down by Taehyung.
They were too engulfed with their own happy world when the door been slammed from the outside and a loud gasped erupted in the room.
“Wake and eat…yah! Kim Taehyung! What are you doing to our Joonie??? You rascal!!”
Taehyung and Namjoon shuddered at the yelling, stop moving instantly while their eyes on Seokjin. Taehyung blinks at Seokjin, now standing at the doorframe with an obviously angry expression meanwhile the rest of the members were standing behind the elder – gawking at him with a murderous stare.
Taehyung heart dropped to his stomach when he realized how he and Namjoon looked likes right now. Basically, Taehyung still sits on Namjoon, both of his hand pinning down the little's hand to the bed tightly. They were all wrong in all angle and it doesn’t look good at all. Everything was wrong and it is the worst situation for Taehyung.
“No-nothing hyung. We-we were about to go out just now…” defends Taehyung as he stammering in his speech. He was too afraid even to move for an inch, keeps his body as it is – on Namjoon's torso oddly.
“That's not what I saw Tae!” alleged Seokjin with an accusatory tone. Eyes were red, ogling at the two suspiciously.
Taehyung gulped and getting more nervous when the members swamp into the bedroom with a darken expression.
“Appa…Tae-oppa wan Joonie to-to give him a mowning kissie!” said Namjoon cheerfully as he didn’t fully understand what is happening right now. He didn’t know that his members were metaphorically murdering Taehyung with their sharp eyes.
Everyone gasped in horror, looking at Taehyung with disbelief before Jimin bolted towards Namjoon and shoved Taehyung’s body away from Namjoon. He then dragged the little to his side – distancing Namjoon from the kissing monster. Namjoon whined at the harsh gestures, making a grabby hand when his Ryan fell on the floor at the abrupt gestures.
“Hyu-hyung listen to me…”
“You are not allowed to sleep with Joonie again. Not when he is a little!” states Seokjin firmly. Finger pointed at Taehyung's face begrudgingly.
Taehyung let out a dissatisfaction cry. “No…!! You misunderstood us, hyung. I was playing with Namjoon. And you can’t do that! We are roommates hyung!” protest Taehyung. Didn’t agree with such instruction since he and Namjoon basically stay in one room together.
“And no one here can sleep with Joonie alone when he is in a little space! I can’t trust any of you to be with him. You pervert kids!!” notes Seokjin as his eyes land on every member of BTS.
A few disapprove noises echoed in the room as everyone trying to protest Seokjin's decision. Seokjin eye glared at his members, knowingly that they all have this ill-intention to sleep with Namjoon – alone. Horny bastard!
“Joonie wants mowning kissie appa!!” says Namjoon, startling everyone in the room. “Mowning kissie pwease!!” he repeats himself with excitement, still couldn’t grasp the harrowing situation they were in.
All the BTS members basically froze from where they were standing, staring at bouncing Namjoon who looks so eager to give morning kisses. They devour anxiously, glanced at Seokjin for a second to see his expression. Anticipating at what will the eldest says about it. Now that Namjoon had offered himself to give a morning kiss, of course, no one will ever refuse as such.
“Mor-morning kissie who?” stutters Seokjin, now gawking at the excited little who had been hugging his Ryan.
Namjoon grinned sheepishly, looking at everyone one by one. “Umm…” he tapped his finger to his chin before he speaks. “Umm mowning kissie to oppa, appa, daddy, dada, hyungie and – and papa?”
Hoseok almost falls to the floor when Namjoon had been calling him ‘papa’, looking at the little incredulously. He whispered to himself the word ‘papa’ before his face beaming like a burst of sunshine. Too bright that he might be blinded the rest of his members – delighted that finally, he got himself a caregiver's name.
“Yes! Yes! Oh God Joonie! I’m so happy. Papa is happy. Papa loves you…” Hoseok dance happily, ignoring all the weird looks given by the rest of his members. They should be grateful that Hoseok didn’t do a breakdance in the room for being too happy!
Everyone peered over Hoseok who was overwhelmed with his own happiness – well too overwhelmed actually. They know how Hoseok had been sullen for the last few days because he’s the only one left with no nickname. But to celebrate it with such exaggerated movement was a little bit too much. Not when he rolled his hips sensually.
“So…should we get in line to get the morning kiss from Joonie?”
“Yoongi/Hyung!!!”
“What? Don’t tell me that you didn’t want Joonie to kiss you?” says Yoongi nonchalantly, looking at the rest of his members with his emotionless face.
“I want to be the first!”
“Jimin, you too?”
Seokjin grunts at the ridiculous behavior of his members, shook his head while looking at Jimin who had raised his hand, volunteering himself enthusiastic.
“I’m number two please!” gushes Jungkook with his wrinkled smile – doesn’t feel ashamed at all at his demeanor.
“I’m on!” shouted Hoseok.
“Faster! Faster! Joonie is hungwy!” The little interrupted as he feels bored when everyone was busy discussing something he didn’t understand.
“So?” urged Yoongi while his eyes on Seokjin.
“I-I can’t believe all of you were…were like this…” Seokjin mentioned with a defeated voice.
“Appa? No wan mowning kissie fom Joonie?” Namjoon asked innocently as he notices the uptight muscles of Seokjin's face.
“Hyung…come on!” everyone was whining over Seokjin’s attitude, feeling impatience at his refusal for Namjoon's morning kiss.
Seokjin looks at his members begrudgingly before he let out a heavy sighed.
“Well, let’s start with the eldest first!” he noted, at last, curving into a wicked smile and playfully wink at his dongsaeng.
“Hyung!!!”
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and here a cute Namjoon for you lol
Notes:
Thanks tonthose who had been reading, commenting and leaves kudos to this book. I'm glad that you like this book despite my bad grammar.
Hopefully, this chapter is fluffy enough for you to punch the pillow while reading this 💁.
We had completed the caregiver's name. Hoseok is the PAPA.
Next will be a fluff too? Let's see about that 😏
Chapter 14: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Muah!
Muah!
Muah!
Muah!
Muah!
Muah!
Basically, everyone got the morning kisses from the little as he was enthusiastically pecked on everyone cheeks one by one - together with a funny smooch sound. After that Namjoon didn't wait any longer and dashed out from the room heading towards the kitchen while giggling happily.
"Eat! Eat!” He screamed while running leaving all his members flabbergasted at his cheerful attitude.
Hoseok wiped off his wet cheek, resulted from the kiss, looking at his teammates incredulously. “Well, I should be feeling gross at this but since it's our precious Joonie so I’ll ignore it…” he says, making some funny face as he looks at his hand.
Everyone laughed and nods in agreement but never once regretted asking for a kiss from Namjoon. It was too precious and they won’t be disgusted by that. But they had set in their mind that, later they will teach the little how to give a decent kiss. Well, of course, everyone had this kind of expression – evilly smiling. All of them.
They strolled towards the kitchen when Namjoon been calling their names non-stop. They cooed wholeheartedly when they saw Namjoon was already seated at the table and waiting for the food to be served impatiently.
“Appa…hungwy! Joonie wan nugget!”
Seokjin face palmed himself, sighing in defeats at the request. “We’re going to go through this like – every single day, right?” he whinges to himself but obviously audible to his bandmates. He didn't know why Namjoon was too obsessed with nuggets.
“What do you expect from a three years old kid, Jin-hyung?” says Yoongi blatantly.
Seokjin bawled his eyes at the remarks before he joined everyone at the dining table. As everyone was drooling looking at how delicious the kimchi fried rice cooked by Seokjin, Namjoon, however, had another thought.
The little gnawed his lips when he can’t see his favorite nugget on the table. He stares at all the dishes in front of him – kimchi fried rice, eggroll, kimbab, and vegetable soup. But there’s no nugget. None of the foods was enticing his taste bud like his favorite chicken nugget.
He then turned his head towards his caregiver. “Appa? No nugget?” he asked innocently.
Everyone cooed at his adorable act but at the same time was a little bit anxious when they saw Seokjin's straight face. The last night incident was still fresh in their mind and honestly, they were afraid that Seokjin will lose his sane mind dealing with little Namjoon.
Seokjin took a deep breath to calm himself before he grabs Namjoon's hand and squeezed it lightly. “Honey, let’s eat this okay? You can’t eat nugget all the time…” he coaxed subtly.
Namjoon pouted. “But – but nugget is Joonie's favowite!” he exclaimed as his voice rising a little bit, looking at Seokjin with his sharp eyes.
“Appa knows baby, but you need to eat a healthy meal. Eat the rice so you won't feel hungry later. And I can’t let you eat nugget every day. It is unhealthy and not good for your stomach. Understand?” explained Seokjin with his soft and tender voice – trying to brief the little the importance to take the right meal.
“No nugget? Joonie can’t eat nugget?” he asked Seokjin with his doe eyes. His lips tremble as he was on the verge of crying. He didn't fully understand what had been explained by his appa. The only thing that caught his attention at this moment is he can't eat the nugget.
Seokjin nods slowly, feeling disheartened that he needs to say no to the little. Namjoon needs to learn that he can't get everything he wants. “No nugget for today, okay?”
Namjoon’s head dangled down to the table. “But-but Joonie wan nugget…” he said, whispering.
Seokjin let out a deep and long sighed when he saw the tears on Namjoon’s face. “Joonie…”
“I think we need to set up rules for him, hyung…”
Seokjin head snapped towards the golden maknae, Jungkook. He then realized that everyone was watching his and Namjoon confrontation, listening to their talks with anticipation.
“Rules?” Seokjin asked with a frown on his handsome face.
Jungkook nods. “I read in the website that as the caregiver it is important to make the rules for the little. The dos and don’ts as well as the punishment if the little did something wrong. A guideline for the little as well as the caregiver…” he explained.
Jungkook had taken a few hours last night to make some research about the little space on the various website - mostly studying the roles of the caregiver. He wanted to understand the little space better so that he and his hyung knows how to deal with Namjoon when he is in a little space. He reads a lot and was about to share the information with his hyung today.
“Punishment? Isn’t it going to be so cruel to punish him Jungkook?” interfered Jimin as he glanced at Namjoon for a second. The little still sulking, playing with the hem of his shirt silently.
Jungkook shook his head in disagreement. “No, hyung. It's actually to educate the little about discipline and to let him know that whenever he did something wrong he can’t get away with that. It is the same principle with how we treat the real kids… it’s a basic parenting skill, hyung…”
Everyone was fascinated by Jungkook’s explanation. They didn’t know that the maknae had makes some effort about Namjoon's little space. Well, after all the ruckus caused by him before, Jungkook seems genuinely remorseful and try to redeem himself by doing the research.
Hoseok shoved his hand to Jungkook's head and ruffled his hair till it gets messy. “That’s great Kook-ah. Thanks for the information, you did a good job…”
Jungkook grinned sheepishly as his face turns to crimson red. It's still embarrassing for him to get the praise from his hyung but at the same time, his heart swells with pride. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly while Hoseok smile at his cute reaction.
“Well, I guess he needs it since… well, you know how he has been picky about his food and his attitude when he can't get it…” agreed Seokjin as the others nod their head in agreement.
“Let’s do that when he wasn’t in little space. He needs to fully understand the rules and regulation. We can discuss this with him, especially on the punishment part,” said Yoongi.
" Yeah, it will be more comfortable to do that when he is not a little..." said Jimin meanwhile the others nod their head - unanimously agree with the decision.
“You have to eat what I had made for you, Joonie…”
Everyone attention back to the little one when Seokjin's strained voice erupted at the dining table once again. He had been dealing with Namjoon's stubbornness as the little jiggle his head – still refuse to take his food.
Seokjin ignores the protest by Namjoon and gets up from the chair without saying anything. Namjoon makes a small whimper at Seokjin's abrupt action and later let out a small sob as he thought his appa was mad at him. Namjoon startled when someone had grabbed his hand.
“It's okay baby…”
Namjoon jutted his lips at Jimin’s word but says nothing as his eyes trailed over Seokjin that been busy searching for something in the kitchen cabinet.
Namjoon eyes widen when Seokjin returned back to the dining table, holding in both of his hand, a small plastic bowl with Ryan's printed on it and a sippy cup with the same character.
“Wyan! It's Wyan dada!” he shouted joyfully as he pointed at the two items on Seokjin's hand.
Everyone was laughing at his antics, cooing at Namjoon as he bounced happily on his chair when Seokjin set the bowl and the cup in front of him. Seokjin had a wide smile on his face as he was relieved to see Namjoon's cheerful expression. He had expected that the little will love it when he bought it a few days ago.
“Appa will let you eat in this if you want to eat the rice…” notes Seokjin as he bargains with the little.
Namjoon holds his breath as his eyes fixated at the cute bowl and cup, fidgeting on the chair. He can see how Ryan was dancing and been calling him imaginatively. He gulped and averted his eyes towards Seokjin before he nods wildly as the answer.
“Otay! Joonie wan this and this pwease!” said Namjoon eagerly while he pointed his finger at the fried rice and eggrolls in front of him.
Seokjin smiles wider and scooped the rice into Namjoon's new rice bowl. The little was giggling seeing how the food was in his Ryan bowl, impatiently put his plastic spoon and feeding himself the rice.
“Dewishes appa!” he said with a mouthful of rice.
"Eat properly baby, " cooed Seokjin and his hand reached over Namjoon's chin, softly wipe away the remnant of the fried rice.
Everyone smiles in relieved before they start to dig out their own food too.
“Sippy sippy sippy…Joonie wan sippy cup wif banana milk!” Namjoon sings randomly as he sips the milk while bobbing his head adorably.
“Cutie!” Everyone almost unison said the same thing while their eyes on the excited little – looking extremely cute enjoying his food and drink.
“Let's play hide and seek Joonie!” suggest Taehyung when they almost finish eating the breakfast.
Namjoon's eyes automatically beamed at the words. “Pway time!!” he shouted.
Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin immediately shot up from their chair, bolted towards the little with a boisterous laugh. Jimin grabbed the little’s hand, forcing him to run together with the others through the hallway.
“Don’t run in my house! You’ll make Joonie fall!” Seokjin shouted as he saw how the four little devils running like a supersonic leaving the kitchen to play.
“Don’t worry, they’ll take care of him, ” said Yoongi and continue to sip his coffee comfortably.
Seokjin rolled his eyes. “That’s what really concerns me Yoongi. Do you think they were able to play safely? We are talking about our maknae line here…and of course, our clumsy Joonie!”
Hoseok chuckles listening to the fact given by the eldest. “Well, Jin-hyung got the point there…”
Yoongi scoffs at the two. “Don’t worry too much. You sounded like those typical mothers, Jin-hyung…”
Seokjin squinted his eyes towards the rapper. “And you were acting like those typical fathers, Yoongi!” he retaliates.
Hoseok let out a loud laugh at the bickering. “You two were like those typical husband and wife talking about their naughty kids!”
“Hoseok!!” both Seokjin and Yoongi shouted at Hoseok, making him flinch on his seat.
Hoseok clicked his tongue and give a smothered laugh while bawling his eyes at the exaggerated response.
"Geez, no need to be triggered! It's just a joke!" uttered Hoseok, mocking at Seokjin and Hoseok.
“Joonie…where are you?”
Taehyung had been searching for the little everywhere possible. He had looked around their shared bedroom but there’s no one there. Jimin and Jungkook had been found within the first fifteen seconds as they both suck playing hide and seek. Now both were waiting for him at the hallway while he continues his search on Namjoon.
Taehyung entered the laundry room, eyes hovered around before he can see Namjoon’s feet protruding behind the curtain. The curtain wasn't long enough to cover his feet and Taehyung let out a soft chuckle looking how Namjoon's toes curling in excitement.
“Joonie…where are you?” Taehyung playfully teases the little, faking that he didn’t see Namjoon in his hideout.
Taehyung were standing in the middle of the room, once a while glancing at Namjoon from the corner of his eyes where he notices how the little was fidgeting behind the see-through curtain.
“Hmm, I don’t think Joonie's here. I wonder where he had been hiding? What a clever boy!” he said to himself but with a loud audible voice. Purposely wanted the little to hear his talk.
Namjoon giggling behind the curtain, stomach churns funnily as he thought no one can see him behind the white curtain. He put his hand to his mouth, trying to muffle his laughter. His heart was hammering with fear that Taehyung might hear his voice just now.
Taehyung tried his best not to laugh hearing the little's giggling at his rant. He walked closer to the curtain but remained the distance and acted like he didn’t saw Namjoon.
“Hmm… maybe Joonie's not here…” he said mischievously.
Namjoon giggles while he shook his head and hummed slowly – answering to Taehyung's guess just now. He scrunched his nose and his feet were shaking feeling how the zing pumped up the adrenaline into his body.
“Hey Tae, did you find Joonie?”
Taehyung turned his body when he heard Jimin's voice. Jimin and Jungkook now standing at the door with a confused look when Taehyung smile at them meaningfully. Taehyung pressed his finger to his mouth, make a signal for the two to remain silent before he beckons at Namjoon's hideout with his eyes.
Jimin and Jungkook averted their eyes at the said place before they mouthed an ‘o’ and silently laughed. The two approached Taehyung slowly as now the three gathers together – try to make a pact in teasing the little.
“I think Joonie might be hiding somewhere. I can’t find him here…” said Taehyung to the two.
Jimin smiles. “Yeah maybe. Do you think he becomes invisible hyung?” he said suggestively.
“Maybe he had the superpower to make himself disappear and no one can see him. Don’t you think so?” add on Jungkook.
The three were trying not to laugh as Namjoon slide the curtain a little bit as his head peeking through to look at the three. The maknae line acted that they didn’t see Namjoon when the little slowly come out from his hideout. Namjoon had believed that he had become invincible and now he wanted to test his superpower towards his caregivers.
“Ah, I think Joonie might be watching us right now. But we can’t see him at all…” said Taehyung a little bit exaggerating in his acting as the other two bawled their eyes in irritation.
Namjoon unaware of the whole situation walked slowly like a thief in action, afraid that the three will hear his footstep. Namjoon stands near the three and waves his hand in front of Taehyung's face.
Namjoon gasped when Taehyung didn’t react to his hand before he does the same thing towards Jimin and Jungkook. And he further shocked when their expression was similar to Taehyung. He let out a chuckle feeling funny seeing his caregivers couldn’t see him at all.
“Dada…”
Jimin fakes a loud gasp, looking around the room bewilderedly but Namjoon. “Hey I think I hear Joonie's voice just now!” he said.
Jungkook and Taehyung then turned around doing the same thing and purposely didn't saw Namjoon – same as Jimin before. Both widen their eyes in shocked, staring at Jimin with disbelief.
“But there's no Joonie here, hyung…” told Jungkook.
Namjoon was in a giggling mess when his caregivers look so silly trying to look for him when the fact that he was there standing nearby - being invincible.
Taehyung smirk at the two before he moved backward slowly – unnoticeable by Namjoon that being too engulfed in his own world; laughing at his bandmates.
Namjoon squeaked out loud when Taehyung suddenly grabs his waist from his back, hoisted up his body while he scuffled wildly to loosen up from the grip.
“No! No! Down down down oppa. Joonie scawed!” he screamed as Taehyung lifted him too high that his feet dangled down, couldn’t feel the cold tiles.
Jungkook and Jimin were laughing heartily looking at the two. Taehyung put down the little after he won’t stop screaming out of fear.
Namjoon heaved, feeling tired after struggling with Taehyung just now - chest up and down. He peered over Taehyung with anger as he puffed his cheek. His arms now crossed to his body, didn’t feel amused at his caregiver demeanor.
“Not fair! You twick Joonie!” he said after his brain manages to process the whole ordeal just now. He can see how the three playfully grinned at him.
“Aww don’t get mad Joonie. It's just a game!” pursuit Jimin, realizing the red face of the little.
Namjoon jiggles his head wildly. “No! Joonie doesn’t want to pway anymore. Dada, Hyungie, and Oppa are meanie!” he gushes. His lips jutted further as he stares at the three.
Jungkook put his hand on Namjoon's shoulder but the little swatted his hand harshly.
“Hyungie sorry okay. Let’s play again…” he try to coax the sulking little.
Namjoon shook his head. “Uh-uh, don’t wan! Joonie wan to tell daddy that -that you twick Joonie!” he said.
The three eyes widen at the mention of ‘daddy’ which they clearly know that the little referred to Yoongi. When Namjoon already bolted out, wanted to complain about the three, the maknae line immediately chases the little in horror.
Yoongi will surely beat their ass for tricking the little!
The other fact is, being a tall grown-up male – Namjoon was a little bit clumsy. Everyone knows that. Well, that was an understatement. He was super clumsy. He managed to hurt himself just by sitting down. Don’t ask how, it just happens.
So when he is in a little space, his clumsiness was harrowing. He was running through the hallway, laughing as he heard the footstep behind him, realizing that his three caregivers were running after him.
It happened in a millisecond when he stumbles on his own feet and instantly fell on the floor with a loud thud. A really loud thud that everyone was shocked by hearing the sound alone.
Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung were shocked when he saw Namjoon curled to himself like a fetus on the floor. Meanwhile, the hyung line run towards the four with hammering heart and mouth agape to see their little now lying on the floor. All of them were frowning at the situation because it is really odd that Namjoon didn't let out any voice or even crying.
Namjoon feels his whole body aching at the impact – especially on his waist and chest. He feels a strong pain particularly on his left ribs and it's hurt when he tried to breathe. He didn’t move at all as his brain still frozen at what just happen to his body. It's still processing the information from the moment he fell until now.
“What did I said about running in the house?!” Seokjin yelled at the maknae line, looking at the three with a murderous stare.
Namjoon flinched at the brisk voice, slowly lifted his head to see his appa, daddy, and papa standing in front of him. His lips immediately quiver and suddenly he was wailing out loud – startling everyone.
“Daddy!!!!! It huwts!”
It was Yoongi that took the first step to approach the little, helping him to sit when Namjoon just keeps crying until his face turned to red. Namjoon's arms wrapped around his waist, trying to soothe the pain on it.
“Huwts! Joonie's huwt!” he continues to wail.
Everyone swamp at the little, trying to see if there’s injury visible on his body but there were none. Yoongi hinted at Seokjin to take a look of the little while he pulled Namjoon’s head to lie on his shoulder.
Seokjin crouched down in front of the little and pulled out Namjoon's hand from his chest. “Tell me where does it hurt Joonie?”
“Here…appa…it huwts…” he said while pointed at his left ribs, frowning at the inflicted pain even with a slight move.
Seokjin lifted his shirt to see Namjoon's rib and was flabbergasted to see the dark purple bruise around it. “Yoongi! Look at this…” he said with concern.
Yoongi peeked through the shirt to see the purple bruise. He immediately turned his head to Seokjin. “I hope he didn’t fracture his ribs!” he notes.
“We need to go to the hospital to check on that Yoongi…”
Everyone felt aghast listening to the conversation and the maknae line was feeling extremely guilty for making the little to run in the house.
“Okay baby…appa will try to pick you up…we're going to see a doctor…” said Seokjin.
Namjoon was still crying, chanting the words ‘hurt' but nonetheless nods his head as he understands what had been told by Seokjin. He makes a whimpering sound when Seokjin lifted his body carefully.
Namjoon wrapped his arm around Seokjin's neck, continue to cry on his shoulder blade, still immersed in the pain. He let out a dry cough but later crying louder than before saying it hurts badly.
Seokjin was in tears as the little keeps saying how much it hurts, and a little contact with his ribs makes Namjoon wince in pain. Seokjin couldn’t help himself from thinking that the leader might have broken his ribs. But they need to make sure of it by way of an X-ray.
To think that the leader injured himself was horrendous. Any injury before their tour will affect the whole team. They can’t afford to suffer any injury at this crucial moment.
“You three stay at home!” said Seokjin sternly as they were following the hyung at the main door – getting ready to go with Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok. Their managers Sejin and Sukhoon had been waiting for them in the car.
“But hyung…” Jimin was trying to protest but stopped immediately when he saw the sharp glare from Seokjin.
“We know that you are worried about him but it is the best if we didn’t go to the hospital in a group. We didn’t want to attract any unnecessary attention from other people…” said Hoseok as he can read the worried face of the maknaes.
The three released a deep sighed before they nodded dejectedly. Even though they were itching to go with the other to the hospital, they can’t deny Hoseok's statement. Any glimpse of media or fan seeing them at the hospital will create some chaos.
“I’ll call you to inform about Joonie…don’t worry…” Hoseok told the three before they leave the dorm.
No one among the three moves from the door as they were too engulfed with their own thoughts and sickly worried about their precious leader. Hearing those cry and whimper they know that it’s quite serious. They were afraid to know how it will affect the whole team.
“What should we do now?” asked Jungkook, the first one to break the silence.
Taehyung looks at the two, clearly sad with what had happened to Namjoon. They admit that it was their fault for tricking the little and didn’t do their job as the caregivers diligently.
“Just wait and see. Let’s pray it’s not something serious...” says Taehyung however he can’t hide the concern lies in his voice.
“Yeah, just wait until Hobi-hyung calls us…” Jimin speaks.
As for now, that was the only thing they can do.
Wait.
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Notes:
Do you expect another fluff? I won't be feeding a happy chapter in a row right? 😏
Chapter 15: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉
Notes:
𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 : The content of this chapter or section may seem obscene or offensive to some readers. It contains ‘strong language’, or ‘scenes' some readers may find upsetting. A mark of (⚠️) will be put before and after the paragraph, you can skip it if you want.
Read at your own risk.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Seokjin wrapped his long arm to Namjoon's shoulder, helping him to walk as the latter male wobbling – feeling weak to walk and his ribs were awfully painful. He can’t even touch his waist and any small fraction to his rib had caused it to throb in pain.
When they arrived at the basement, Sejin was looking at the four with worried expression – especially Namjoon who just could barely walk.
“What happened?” He asked with obvious concern.
“He fell and hurt his ribs. I don’t know whether it's broken or not. We need to make a full checkup…” told Seokjin.
Sejin nods before he slides open the door and watched how Seokjin and Yoongi were helping Namjoon to get into the van. Sejin drove the car to the hospital meanwhile Sukhoon sits beside him on the passenger seat.
In the van, Namjoon sits in the middle, in between of Seokjin and Yoongi and Hoseok at the last row. Namjoon didn’t say a word, resting his head on Seokjin's shoulder as his right hand pressed softly on his ribs. Yoongi had been holding his left hand, intertwined their fingers together.
Seokjin glanced at Yoongi, a little bit nervous since Namjoon was still in his little space when the incident happen. Yoongi gives him a meaningful look, nod his head slightly as to assure the eldest that everything will be fine.
Namjoon squeezed shut his eyes as his ribs throbbed with strong pain each time the vehicle makes a sharp turn or on a rocky road. When he opened his eyes, he notices how Sukhoon had been looking at him with a smirk.
Namjoon breathe hitched when he saw the evil smile, clutching his hand with Yoongi tightly. He was barely out from his little space. Seokjin and Yoongi had mentioned earlier that Sejin and Sukhoon will drive them to the hospital.
Namjoon immediately knows that he needs to be careful and forcing himself out from the little space. It’s hard to do so when he was in distress but he can’t jeopardize himself to be caught by Sejin.
“Is it painful Namjoon-ssi?”
Namjoon trance immediately stopped at the question. His droopy eyes now on Sukhoon who had shown his concern while asking the question. But Namjoon knows it is a mere façade by the male. It’s sickening that the male was really good at hiding his devilish personality.
Namjoon ignores the question, snuggle closer to Seokjin and hides his face on the crook of the elder's neck. Seokjin heard the whimper made by Namjoon and pats on his head softly. Yoongi massages his hand to soothe the pain realizing the distress.
“It must be painful for him, Sukhoon-hyung…” Seokjin answered on behalf of Namjoon, failure to notice the awkwardness between the leader and the new manager.
Sukhoon faking a smile as he nods his head. “Maybe. Don’t worry, we’ll arrive in any minutes…”
Namjoon shut his eyes, hated the sound of Sukhoon's fake voice. His ribs were aching so much and Sukhoon presence doesn’t help to ease his pain at all. He had added the mental torture to Namjoon. Pathetically.
When they arrived at the hospital, all of them had to wear a full mask on the face to hide their identity. Two staff of the hospital had been waiting for them, escorting them through the safe passage to the treatment room. A common procedure for the idols in order to avoid the public and media.
Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok were waiting in the room together with Namjoon and a doctor. Namjoon requested them to be with him and the three was adamant to stay with the leader. Afraid that he will regress to little space out of sudden.
Seokjin gasped when Namjoon took off his shirt and lied down on the bed. The bruise looks so dark and Namjoon screamed in pain when the doctor slightly touches at the injury. He curled to himself, eyes got watery because of the unbearable pain.
Yoongi hugged Seokjin's shoulder when he saw how the male was shaking while watching Namjoon. Seokjin glanced at the rapper, eyes got teary and his lips tremble – on the verge of crying. Hoseok had the same expression as the rest; worried.
“He’ll be fine… don’t worry…” says Yoongi.
Seokjin nod slowly even though he himself didn’t feel confident at the saying. Later a nurse came with a wheelchair, asking Namjoon to sit on it. She will wheel the leader to the x-ray room.
Namjoon looks at his hyung with fear obviously on his face. Seokjin immediately crouched down in front of the male and took both of his hand – caressing it tenderly.
“Don’t worry Joon-ah… we will be here when you’re done. Okay?” coax Seokjin.
Namjoon lips tremble as his eyes pricked with tears. “Ap - Jin-hyung… wait – wait for me okay?” he whispered, almost slipped the words ‘appa’. He was on the thin line between headspace and little space.
Seokjin heart fills with agony when he realized how Namjoon been holding himself from regressed to little space. He wishes Namjoon can be at ease and being a little but they can’t do that here. They just need to surpass the whole medical procedure without any hassle.
It was almost thirty minutes when Namjoon came back with the nurse. He was wearing the hospital gown, looking pale and lethargic on the wheelchair. Seokjin took Namjoon's cold hand when he was seated beside him and Yoongi on the other side. Hoseok stands behind Namjoon, both hands on Namjoon's shoulder, giving a small massage to the tense body.
The doctor came five minutes later, together with the x-ray film. Then their managers entered the room after been called by the nurse, now standing behind Seokjin and Yoongi.
“Well, he was lucky that he didn’t break his ribs…” said the doctor with a smile.
Everyone let out a relieved sigh, looking at each other in joy. Namjoon had his first smile too after the harsh fall.
“He had a bruised ribs and suffered the immersed pain because of the hard impact on the floor. Due to that, you will feel a strong pain in your chest area, particularly when you breathe in. That's why you had the swelling around the affected ribs, ” explains the doctor.
“How long will it takes for him to heal, doctor?” asked Seokjin.
“It is around three to six weeks, with full rest and no strained activities at least for two weeks…”
Namjoon gasped at the diagnosis. “Th-that’s mean I can’t – can't dance for our new album?” he asked in horror.
“Sadly to say Mr. Kim, it is not advisable for you to dance. As far as I’m concern, BTS choreograph are pretty hard and energetic so it will worsen the pain and slow down the healing process…”
Namjoon clenched his fist so tight that his knuckles turn to white. He looks downwards to his lap in disappointment and rage. It was frustrated that they were in the middle of their comeback with the new album Love Yourself. They need to practice the dance routine for their song; Fake Love and Idol.
What’s going to happen now? He’ll slow down the members. Now, they can’t do anything without him. What should he do? This is all his fault. He shouldn’t be running in the dorm. He should listen to Seokjin. Now everything was ruined because of him!
“Hey, Joon…”
Namjoon lifts his head and turns to Seokjin. His eyes were glassy and his vision turns to blur. He can’t see Seokjin's face clearly so he didn’t know whether the elder was angry or not for making the group’s comeback into a halt.
“Hey, don’t worry Joon-ah…” Seokjin says in his most soft and subtle voice, wiping the tears streak on Namjoon's face. He was worried when the leader turns to silent mode after the doctor's explanation.
Knowing the male for years, Seokjin had the intuition that Namjoon will blame himself for the whole incident. He will take into this personally, thinking it his fault that he was injured. Indeed, they were in the midst of preparing their comeback. They have a lot of things to do. It’s getting busier day by day. It was a crucial hour for them.
But no one can ever blame Namjoon if they have to postpone it. Namjoon is important. They will take the time needed until he is fully healthy and they will resume back everything. As for now, Namjoon just needs to rest.
“Ow, that's a bad news doctor. BTS was preparing for their comeback next month. They still didn’t perfect their dance for the new song. Do you think it is possible for him to do a simple choreography?”
Everyone was taken aback at Sukhoon’s question, especially Namjoon. He can taste the venom lies in his voice. He flickered shut his eyes, agonizing the manager's attitude. He personally launches his attack on Namjoon.
“As I said before he can’t do any strenuous activity. It will worsen the pain and he can get a lung infection. He needs to be really careful. The worst thing that could happen if he is pressuring the lung, it will cause him to cough blood. That will be life-threatening …” explained the doctor further.
To say that everyone was shocked is an understatement. They were really worried about listening to the doctor's diagnosis. At this stage, Namjoon needs to listen to the doctor. The members have to make sure that he will have a good rest at the dorm.
“What a shame…” said Sukhoon while he smirks at Namjoon.
“Don’t say like that Sukhoon-ssi. Namjoon will be fine and the comeback will be on schedule…” interfered Sejin, disliking the attitude shown by the new manager. He notices how he was intentionally picking up on Namjoon.
Namjoon says nothing until they were in the van and remained silent throughout the journey. Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok were on the edge looking at their leader. However, they choose not to talk about it until they reached the house.
“Don’t worry Namjoon. I’ll discuss this with Bang PD tomorrow. Just rest, okay?” told Sejin when they had arrived at the basement parking. Hoseok had gone up first, saying that he wants to make sure the maknaes had cleaned up Namjoon's bed for him to rest.
Namjoon has been avoiding Sejin's gaze, just nods his head weakly. Sejin pats on his shoulder to ease the leader's stress. He was about to say something when his phone ringing. He moves to the side to answer the call and Sukhoon took the chance to approach the leader.
(CW : ⚠️)
“Isn’t it a shame for a leader to cause a major problem to his group?” whispered Sukhoon venomously.
Namjoon grits his teeth at the words as he leaned his body on the car. Seokjin and Yoongi were talking to Sejin about something after he ended his call just now – leaving Namjoon to deal with Sukhoon alone.
“Do you think you are good enough to be BTS leader Namjoon-ssi?” asked Sukhoon further. Having fun to tease the said male. He loves to see Namjoon's tight expression. An expression he rarely showed to the world.
“Why – why are you doing this?” Namjoon asked, stammering in his speech as he glare at the male in wrath.
Sukhoon sniggered at Namjoon. “Nothing though. It’s just fun to see you suffering like this…” he said nonchalantly.
Namjoon clenched his fist, eyes boring deeper into Sukhoon's face as if he wanted to throw a punch on his annoying face. “I don’t understand! You must be planning something. What is it? What is it Sukhoon?” whisper yelled Namjoon, snarled at the male. His voice turns to blade-sharp.
Sukhoon mouth agape at Namjoon's audacity to question him. His lips curved into a smirk intrigued by the leader's personality.
“This is what I like about you Namjoon. You look so strong but at the same time fragile inside. However, you never took your weaknesses as your disadvantage. You used it and makes yourself stronger…” praised Sukhoon.
Namjoon frowned at the sudden commend made by Sukhoon. Is he having a dual personality?
“Who are you?” Namjoon asked feebly. He was confused at Sukhoon’s demeanor. He keeps changing his attitude and makes Namjoon wandering whether the said male was in his sane mind or not.
Sukhoon scoffs at the question. “Someone who will ruin your life, Namjoon!” he snickered.
Namjoon was flabbergasted at the statement, looking bewildered at the manager. “Ru-ruin my life? What's for? Don't you afraid that I'll tell Bang PD about you? You'll lose your job in a second!"
Namjoon flinched when Sukhoon moves a step forward making their distance only a few inches parted. Namjoon holds his breath at the sudden proximity and his heart hammering at the darken expression of Sukhoon.
Sukhoon can read the nerve-racking, seeing how the leader's body tensed when he was closer to him. Sukhoon smile with a smug face.
“You won’t dare to do that Namjoon. You know that I will hunt you down and I won’t hesitate to do anything to implicate your bandmates too…” threatened Sukhoon.
Namjoon was about to retaliate when Sukhoon suddenly poked on his injured ribs. Namjoon let out a scream of pain at the contact, stumble backward as he bends down holding his ribs.
(CW : ⚠️END)
“Namjoon??!”
Namjoon tilted his head to the side where he can see Seokjin and Yoongi almost running towards him. He glanced at Sukhoon now looking at him with an evil smile.
“Are you okay? What happened?" Yoongi asked as he was shocked to hear the scream.
"He was trying to walk by himself..." lied Sukhoon.
Seokjin sighed and hold Namjoon's forearm on the side and Yoongi was on the other side.
"Come on, you need to rest!”
The three entered the building, heading towards the elevator carefully. When they were in the elevator, Namjoon averted his eyes to the outside. He can see Sukhoon murderous stare, gawking at him until the elevator fully closed. Namjoon's heart immediately drops to the pit of his stomach.
What is Sukhoon up to? Why he did that to him? Namjoon can feel the cold sweat on his forehead when he remembers the threat. He can’t let the members get involved in this. He needs to find the truth behind Sukhoon's act. Soon.
“Joonie!!!!”
Namjoon was startled when he had been greeted with a loud screaming as he entered the dorm. A few steps can be heard running towards him.
“Stop!! Don’t you dare to move closer. You'll hurt Joonie!”
Jimin pouted at the command, looking at Seokjin with a bitter face. Jungkook and Taehyung had the sullen expression to as they can’t be closer to Namjoon.
Namjoon smiles fondly to see his dongsaeng cute face. “I’m fine…don’t worry…” he says.
The three maknae apparently were surprised that Namjoon had not been in his little space. They share a glare at Seokjin before the elder rolled his eyes. But he already knows that the maknae line surely understands as to why Namjoon was not a little.
As Seokjin helped Namjoon to go to his room, the others follow suit from behind. Namjoon was uncomfortable been swamped by the rest but at the same time understand their concern.
Namjoon lied on the bed carefully, winced in pain once a while. Seokjin put a soft pillow to the left side, to make sure Namjoon didn't pressure his ribs too much.
Namjoon feels overwhelmed at the kindness of the elder and how his other member was looking at him with concern. The sad feeling he had before at the hospital came back to him, making his eyes become glassy.
“I’m sorry hyung…” he said with a strained voice.
Seokjin and the others didn’t expect for the leader to apology out of sudden. Seokjin can see how the hazel orbs belong to Namjoon starts to accumulate the tears. Seokjin caressed Namjoon's hair softly.
“Don’t apologize Joonie. It’s not your fault. Accident happen and we can’t avoid it…” said Seokjin.
“But-but I shouldn’t run. If not I will not fall and hurt myself. Now, we need to postpone the comeback…” Namjoon laments, his words ejecting forth in spurts as if an aching tightness has gripped his throats. He lowered his eyes, feeling guilty towards his members.
Seokjin shook his head and he cupped the leader's face, forcing the male to look at him. “No, baby. It’s not your fault, remember that. Don’t be sad and don’t blame yourself, baby…”
Namjoon lips tremble as his tears been cascading through the corner of his eyes. He let out a soft sob when he can no longer hold his sadness and guilt. And Seokjin been calling him ‘baby’, making his heart tormented at the kindness.
It was within a second before he succumbs into the pit of sorrow and wailed out loud. “Joonie sowie… appa – appa…Joonie sowie…”
Seokjin eyes widen when he realized Namjoon had fully regressed to the little space out of stress. Seokjin immediately hugged the male and Namjoon continue to cry on his shoulder.
“Sowie appa!” he wailed continuously, hiding his face on the crook of Seokjin's neck. His tears soaking wet Seokjin's shirt.
Everyone who had been watching was shocked, quickly climbed the bed and stay closer to the little. Jimin took Namjoon's hand and caressed it softly meanwhile Jungkook and Taehyung stays on his feet, patting on it tenderly.
Hoseok and Yoongi stand behind Seokjin as both strokes the hair of the little slowly. Everyone was trying to coax the little, feeling the pang of sadness in their heart to see the leader's breakdown.
“Don’t cry Joonie. No one is mad at you. Don’t say sorry baby... We are all here for you, okay?” Seokjin spoke to the crying little.
“We all love you Joonie. Don’t be sad baby…” Jimin tries to coax Namjoon too.
“Bu – but Joonie…”
Jimin immediately interrupted the little rant. “Shhh, it's okay. Joonie is a good boy. Don’t be sad… just rest okay.” Jimin strokes to the back the damp hair on Namjoon's forehead.
Namjoon eyes become droopy as he keeps on crying until he was fallen asleep on Seokjin’s shoulder. Everyone sighed in relieved that finally, the leader had stopped crying. But they were still sad to see the tears on his face and how tired he was.
Seokjin slowly laid down his body to the bed, being careful not to touch his injured ribs. He pulled the Koya blanket up to Namjoon's chest. Yoongi took the Ryan plushy and put it in between of Namjoon's right arm.
“He – he will be fine, right?” asked Jimin timidly as his eyes fixated at Namjoon’s sleeping face.
Seokjin breath heavily. “He will. And we are going to make sure that he will be fine…”
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Notes:
If you realized I had put the Content Warning (CW) as the trigger warning for those who feel uncomfortable on some scene. One of the readers in my wattpad had pointed this out (for using the word retarded in Chapter 6) and I feel obliged to put the warning and sorry for the inconvenient. This CW will be put on every chapter in the future. Thank you.
Chapter 16: 𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon groaned when his ribs touched the soft mattress, feeling the pain over the affected areas as he rolls his body. He squeezed shut his eyes for few times before he was able to open it widely. His orbs hovered around the room, not too dark not too bright also.
Namjoon plopped his upper body using his elbow slowly. He winced in pain for the umpteenth time and the day just started for him like five minutes only. Namjoon pressed his hand over his ribs tenderly, being careful not to put any pressure on it.
“Joonie?”
Namjoon tilted his head and smile when he saw Jimin at the door frame. “Morning Jimin, ” he says with his hoarse voice.
Jimin lips parted slightly. “Ow, hyung. Morning…” He couldn’t hide his disappointment when he realized that Namjoon woke up not being a little.
“How're your ribs?” he asked while he approached the leader. Namjoon still looks in a daze. Jimin crouched in front of Namjoon and notice the messy hair and his pale face.
Namjoon flashed a weak smile. “Hurts but I’m fine… better than yesterday, I guess…”
Jimin smiles at the answer. Jimin wrapped his arm around Namjoon's waist when Namjoon a little bit wobbling when he got up from the bed. Namjoon mouthed a silent thank you and walked slowly with Jimin's help.
It is awkward when someone been watching you in the bathroom. Everything seems odd even to brush your teeth. Namjoon glanced at Jimin through the mirror, seeing how Jimin attentively stares at him while he brushes his teeth and washed his face.
“I can do this alone you know?” said Namjoon while he wipes his wet face.
Jimin grinned sheepishly and took the towel from Namjoon's hand. “I know but I just want to do it for you…”
Namjoon let out a soft chuckle as his face feels warm at the special treatment by the young vocalist. It still weird for Namjoon to be taken care of by the members, especially after his little space secret was exposed.
“Thank you, Jimin. I appreciate it, ” Namjoon notes. He ruffles the male blonde hair.
Jimin flushed a little bit at the gestures before he helps Namjoon heading to the dining table. Namjoon says a cheerful good morning when he saw the rest of his bandmates already seated at the dining table for breakfast.
“I’ll let you eat nugget just for today, Joonie!” exclaimed Seokjin while he put the plate full with dinosaurs shape of nuggets. He was still wearing his pink apron and smiling widely, looking at the leader.
Namjoon frowned as he stares at the nuggets before he averted his eyes towards Seokjin. “But hyung, who eats nugget for breakfast?” he said, whining a little bit.
Seokjin dramatically gasped meanwhile the other members murmuring around the table – surprised that Namjoon is not little this morning. They expected the leader to wake up as little Joonie after his breakdown last night.
Jimin giggles looking at his members. He then notices how Namjoon was pouting looking at everyone and his nuggets incredulously.
“Hyung, don’t you remember? You were obsessed with the nuggets and even break one of Jin-hyung favorite bowl…” told Jimin with amusement.
Namjoon eyes widen at the mentioned of Seokjin's bowl. “Wh-what? Really?” he was shocked and he tilted his head to Seokjin. The said male now looking at him with both hands on his waist. “Oh God! Really hyung? I’m – I’m sorry! I should – I should buy you another one…”
Seokjin let out a whimsical laughed hearing the rambling by the younger before he pats on Namjoon's hair softly. “Hey don’t worry. It’s nothing. Joonie just wants his nugget and appa was too stubborn to give…”
Namjoon grunts as his face turn to crimson red. He hides his face with his hand, feeling embarrassed at his own demeanor as a little. He can hear his members were laughing at him.
“Sorry hyung. I should warn you that sometimes it is hard to handle me being a little. My mother used to complain about it a lot afterward…” said Namjoon.
Seokjin chuckles and dragged the chair diagonal with Namjoon. He then took the leader's hand and squeezed it lightly. “Don’t worry. All of us are still adapting to the whole situation. We didn’t know how and what to do when you’re being a little, so accident are inevitable….”
“All of us have the same difficulties and we were trying our best to be your caregivers…” says Yoongi, trying to soothe Namjoon's inner guilt.
Namjoon sighed deeply as he lifts his eyes and stares at his members one by one. They were looking at him with a smile that makes Namjoon's heart escalated. The genuine smile and the glistening eyes of his members make him feel at ease. He knows he can trust his members to be his caregivers. In fact, he believes they will be a great one.
“But you still want to drink the milk in the sippy cup, right?” asked Seokjin as he shoved the Ryan cup to Namjoon's face, eyes beaming with hopes.
Namjoon holds his breath when he saw the cup and Seokjin ridiculous face. He keeps shoving the cup to Namjoon, forcing the male to take it. Namjoon puffed his chubby cheek, groaned in irritation at Seokjin's childish antics.
“Hyung, you’re really weird!” he gushes.
Seokjin laughed and put the cup to the table. “Just wanna see if you’re going to regress if I show you the cup…” Seokjin shrugs.
Everyone laughed together with Seokjin and Namjoon face was red like a grilled shrimp.
“Joon-ah…”
Namjoon attention now on Yoongi and he immediately frowned when he saw the serious face of the rapper. His heart suddenly pounding and he was nervous. He knows that there’s something serious if Yoongi suddenly makes that face.
“Wh-what is it hyung?” Namjoon stutters, couldn’t hide the anxious built in the pit of his stomach.
“Jungkook had made some research about the little space. And he said that it is important if we set some rules when you were little. After what had happened yesterday, I think it is needed…”
Namjoon took a deep breath at the saying, eyes then drifted to each of his members. They had the same expression as himself. Worried and concerned.
“Hyung, it doesn’t mean that we didn’t like you being a little. But it’s just a guideline for us and for you too…” Jungkook intercepts after Namjoon remained silence.
Jungkook was afraid that Namjoon feels uncomfortable because they had proposed that to him out of sudden. He didn’t want Namjoon to feel that they were doing this because he was a burden as a little. He just wants to be a better caregiver, the others too.
It is harrowing to see how Namjoon had hurt himself yesterday. Despite Namjoon being clumsy running around the house, Jungkook and the other two were equally guilty for being the reason of the unforeseen incident.
“We want to discuss this when you’re not little so that you can understand everything…” Yoongi says further.
Namjoon let out a small sighed before he nods slowly. “Yeah, I know… I understand. Well, of course, my mother had her rules too when I’m in a little space. So I guess, all of you need to set the rules too…”
Namjoon eyes sparkle looking at the drawing where he and the rest of the members wrote the rules for little Joonie. The drawing by Jungkook was beautiful. Namjoon lips twitched into smile looking at the bear, the baby, the pacifier and all the little toys.
Jungkook knows how to make it look so fun and enchanting for little Namjoon. Having said that, Namjoon feels funny in his stomach as he keeps looking at the paper. He didn't realize that he was unconsciously regressing to little space slowly.
“So is this all? Are you okay with this, Joon?” asked Yoongi with concern. He needs to make sure that Namjoon was comfortable with all the rules set down by them. All of them were hanging around together at the living room, discussing the rules for little Namjoon.
Namjoon trance was cut through before he read the rules once again. A few second later he nodded his head. “I’m okay with it hyung…”
“The punishment? This spanking thing…”
Namjoon cocked his head to Hoseok who seems had something to say.
“Is it okay with you? We won’t do anything that you didn’t feel comfortable with…” Hoseok mentioned. He was quiet worried that the punishment seems too harsh on Namjoon.
Everyone knows that being a little, Namjoon was behaving like a kid. But still, he was a normal adult and to punish a normal adult with the same measure could be embarrassing and humiliating. As such they need to make sure that Namjoon will be okay with that.
Namjoon shook his head. “No, hyung. I mean, my mother had the same rules for me too. She used to spank me when I’m a brat…” tell Namjoon, chuckling in embarrassment and at the same time trying not to regress.
“It is a common thing for the parent to do that Joon. But for us…it was quite… emm you know, to spank you on your…”
Namjoon grunts as the other members laughing at Hoseok's words as he pointed his finger to Namjoon's lower region. They know it will be really weird for them to hit Namjoon on his butt for punishment. But being a caregiver it is equal to being a real parent. They have the same roles in educating and disciplining the little.
“For some reason, I think that was a weird kink shit!”
“Yah Taehyung! Why you have to say that out loud??” squeal Seokjin as he eye-glared at the male.
“Isn’t it enough for you to ask a morning kiss from Joonie?” spat Jimin.
“Don’t put the blame on me okay. All of you were as horny as I am. You get the same kiss too brat!” retaliated Taehyung.
“It started when your ass was on Namjoon! We can’t even trust you to sleep with him anymore!” Seokjin added to the argument.
“Oh come on! You just read the situation wrong. We were joking around. It just that you burst in at the wrong time!” Taehyung defended himself. He rolled his eyes with irritation as Seokjin keep on accusing him molesting Namjoon.
“I’m glad that I came at the right time. If not, only God knows what will you do to our Joonie!” refute Seokjin more.
Namjoon listening to the bickering with disbelief, the face was red as a tomato. They were basically arguing about yesterday incident. And to be honest the memory of it was still vague for Namjoon. It is a common thing for him not to have a clear memory whenever he regressed.
For them to say that Taehyung had done something to him and how he had given morning kisses to his members makes him dumbfounded. He still trying to have a clear view of the whole ordeal and hearing them ranting over it is embarrassing.
Namjoon wanted to interrupt the argument, asking the members about the incident but he feels himself floating. Like he was running in a field of cotton cloud – happy and free.
“Ap – appa? Dada?” he slurred with a whispering voice, calling his caregiver that seems too engulfed in their bickering.
“You horny piece of sh….”
Namjoon frowned when suddenly he can’t hear anything. He realized that someone had put a headphone to his ears and a piece of music blasting on his eardrum.
Namjoon turned his head to the side and he saw Jungkook was smiling to him – meaningfully. Namjoon frowned and when he tried to take off the headphone, Jungkook holds his hand and shook his head.
“Don’t curse in front of Joonie!” shouted Jungkook.
Instantly, the living room becomes silence and their eyes now on Jungkook and Namjoon. Their eyes widen when they saw how Namjoon looks at them with sparkling eyes and sucking his thumb.
“Oh God! Did he regressed when we were arguing??” asked Seokjin bewildered.
Jungkook rolled his eyes. “I notice he was acting weird when he looks at my drawing. You guys seriously need to be more focus about him instead of arguing over something trivial, ” he notes affirmatively.
Jimin took the first move, crawled at the little and kneeled in front of Namjoon. He pulled Namjoon's hand, preventing him from sucking his own thumb. Namjoon whined at the loss and looks at his dada with a pouty lip.
“No, baby. You can’t do that. It is not hygienic…” he says with a tender voice.
“Do you think he needs a pacifier?” asked Hoseok while looking at the little.
Seokjin suddenly jumped from his seat, making everyone to flinch at his abrupt action. Seokjin ignored the protest made by his dongsaeng and almost running to the kitchen. He took less than a minute to join back his members at the living room with a wide smile.
“Joonie!!! Looks what appa has for you!!” he drags his voice and jiggles the tiny blue thing with two of his fingers.
Namjoon eyes widen when he saw the item, eyes beaming with enthusiast. “Wyan! Joonie wan appa! It – it’s pwetty!” he squeals in excitement.
“Isn’t that a pacifier?” asked Yoongi incredulously. The others also look a little bit surprised to see the object and how Namjoon was extremely happy to see it.
Seokjin laughed heartily before he approached the little. “Say ah…”
Namjoon opened up his mouth slowly, making a long and loud sound of ‘ah’. Now the blue Ryan pacifier stuck in between of his plump lips and Namjoon bouncing in his seat happily.
“Oh baby, you are so cute!!!!” Jimin screamed and he squished Namjoon's chubby cheek as the little busy sucking his pacifier.
Namjoon giggles at his dada's excitement and the others were swooning over Namjoon's cuteness.
“He really looks like a baby now…” said Taehyung and everyone nods in agreement with him.
They help Namjoon to sit on the floor and Seokjin put some toys in the table for Namjoon to play – various type of wheels. Namjoon was so happy to see it and continue to play while listening to the music. Meanwhile, the others having fun watching some series on Netflix.
“What song did you play for Joonie?” asked Yoongi when he saw how Namjoon is bobbing his head gleefully playing with his toys.
“Linkin Park, ” Jungkook said nonchalantly.
“A what?? Yah how could you…”
“Hyung, calm down, please. It’s a nursery rhyme. I downloaded it last night for Joonie, ” cuts Jungkook as he grinned sheepishly. Feeling amused that he manages to tease the elder.
Yoongi begrudgingly stares at the maknae before he smacked his head. Jungkook hissed in pain and the other was laughing looking at the two.
“Wook – wook… Joonie haf a bus!” the little squeak while the pacifier between his lips. He shows the red bus to his caregivers. His caregivers stare at the little with adoration.
“A bus song!! Joonie wove this song!” the little shouted happily as he moved his head to the left and right, playing with the red bus on the table.
“Bus song?” Jimin questioned and the others were frowning too.
“The wheel on the bus go wound and wound…wound and wound all twu the town…!” Namjoon starts singing the nursery rhymes gleefully. He almost drops the pacifier before he quickly secured it back to his lips.
“Ah, that song!” Jungkook suddenly remembered and start to play it on the tv. He took off the headphone from Namjoon's head making the little to whimper.
“Joo – joonie song!” he says as his lips quiver.
Jungkook was flustered. “Sorry – sorry Joonie. I’ll play it here so we can sing together, okay?” he coaxed the little.
Namjoon cocked his head to the tv and he was smiling up to his ears when he saw the same song played on the tv. This time together with the video. He clapped his hand happily. The others cooed at the little.
“The wheel on the bus go wound and wound, wound and wound…the wheel on the bus go wound and wound…all twu the town….” He sings joyfully while the other's eyes stuck on the TV, reading the lyrics display and humming the tunes.
It took them only a few seconds to get familiar with the song before they started singing together with Namjoon while the little was giggling at his caregivers excitedly.
“The wiper on the bus go…” the member's song gleefully.
“Swish swish swish…” Namjoon sings through his pacifier. Making his speech slurred. The members were chuckling looking at the happy little.
They continue to sing with Namjoon on the nursery rhymes, making it like their mini concert and they were having fun with little Namjoon.
“Voom voom voom, voom voom voom…” Namjoon sang out loud, holding his bus higher and make it move back and forth.
And then the others in unison sang, “All through the town!!!”
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Notes:
Yeah sorry for the bad fluff 😜
Chapter 17: 𝙎𝙄𝙓𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉
Chapter Text
Namjoon stares at all his members as they stand in the middle of the studio – getting ready to start practicing the dance of their new song; Fake Love. He pouted as he feels disappointed that he couldn’t join the practice because of his swollen ribs.
After a week of resting at the dorm, the dark bruise slowly disappeared but the throbbing pain was still there if he tries to make an aggressive movement. Thus, the physician had asked him to rest for another one week before he can start dancing again.
Much to his dismay, he reluctantly agreed and the rest of the members also very adamant for him to take a good rest.
Namjoon was willing to argue with Seokjin and Yoongi when they asked him to just sit and watched the practice. But when Hoseok gives him the murderous stare, piercing directly to his heart, Namjoon cowered immediately.
Everyone knows how serious Hoseok will be when it comes to dancing. He will not compromise with any mistakes and everyone will get tense each time he leads the choreography. In which, Namjoon won’t take any risk to makes the dancer angry.
Namjoon watched how smooth and swift the movement of his members while dancing. His lips slightly parted in amazement to see how synchronized they were on each step. Deep down inside his heart, he feels jealous that he was still lacking in his dancing skill compared to others.
He always heard about k-Netz keeps on pestering about his jelly legs, how he’s so stiff while dancing and how he looks awkward with his tall and lanky limbs. Of course, he had a lot of progress since their debut days, but it wasn’t enough.
Namjoon wished he can moves like Jimin, so beautiful and so smooth like the silk. He wanted to dance like Hoseok, with so much power and charisma. He was zealously practicing for years but his legs and hands wasn’t co operate that much.
For an odd reason, Namjoon really hates that he has lacked so much to be compared with his other member. The only talent he has was composing songs. However, sometimes it hits him really hard when some of the fans didn’t like his song – criticizing the lyrics and the music arrangement, up to not their liking and taste.
He wonders, did he really has the right to be in BTS? He remembers the day when one of the fans had shouted at him at the airport that he has no talent at all except for being the leader of BTS. Which he complies with such statement and replied ‘I know' with disheartened.
“Namjoonie?”
Namjoon startled a little bit before he lifted his head to see the owner of the voice. Hoseok had been staring at him intensely, while he tries to catch up his breath, sweating profusely after the strenuous dance.
“Hobi…”
Hoseok crouched down in front of the leader, noticing the pouty lips of the said male when he glanced at Namjoon through the mirror while dancing for a while ago. He seems so deep in thought and distraught.
“Are you okay? Do you need to lie down? Does it hurt sitting too long?” Hoseok asked with concern.
Namjoon furrowed at the rapid questions, looking at Hoseok amusingly. “Hobi, you worried too much. I’m fine…” he answered truthfully.
The ribs still had the bruise but the color already faded away. The pain barely there without any pressure on it. He’s getting better day by day.
“Then what’s this kind of expression you have all day long?” Hoseok mentioned while his hand patted on Namjoon's side of head gently.
Namjoon sheepishly smiles, scratching the back of his neck – a little bit embarrassed that Hoseok had caught him moping around when the other was busy practicing. “Nothing… I just… emm… bored?”
Hoseok brows arched together at the answer, looking at Namjoon incredulously. “Bored?”
Namjoon nods, gnawing his lower lips. He didn’t realize how Hoseok has been swooning over his cute face when he did that subconsciously whenever he is nervous.
“I should be practicing with all of you…but now I’m here just sitting down doing nothing. I feel… useless…” Namjoon gushes as he played with his fingers – feeling edgy after he let out his own sentiment.
Hoseok sighed hearing Namjoon's elucidation of his struggling openly. It is a rare occasion for the members to hear such thing from the leader. He was really introvert, extremely reticent about his personal feeling. When most of the members like to talk and share about their thought and feeling, Namjoon almost reserved to himself.
Hoseok flumps his fine ass to the dance floor, while the rest of the members take a rest from practicing – assembled at the corner of the room, without any intention to interrupt the two. They were taken aback when they heard the leader's word just now, feeling despair that Namjoon had such thought about himself.
Didn’t he know that he is the most amazing person they ever know? That he is the best leader they ever have? That he is the most beautiful person; in and out?
“Joonie…why? Why did you think like that?” pose Hoseok, wanted to know the reason behind the negativity.
Namjoon bites his lips as he keeps fiddling with his fingers, head downwards – afraid to see Hoseok's hurt expression. He didn’t have any intention to say it out loud, and now he had made his bandmates worried about him for something trivial.
“No – nothing…” he try to deny and averted his eyes towards Hoseok for a second before he continues to stare at his fingers again. “I’m just… I’m just blabbering hyung, nothing important. No need to take it seriously, you know…”
“Joonie – ah…” Hoseok put his hand on Namjoon's, making the younger to flinch at the abrupt gestures. However, he still afraid to look at Hoseok directly, eyes quiver around the room nervously except Hoseok and his bandmates.
“Whatever you feel is important to me, and to all of us. It’s okay if you feel a little bit down but at the same time, you can share it with us. We wanted to be there for you too. The same thing that you always do when any of us need the help, ” Hoseok notes with a serious tone.
Namjoon let out a nervous laugh, stroking his hair to the back before he leaned on the wall – eyes now directly on Hoseok; teary. Namjoon didn’t know why he feels so weak and how he couldn’t handle his emotional breakdown like before. He didn’t like to show this weak side of him to the members. He didn’t want any of them to think that he had failed to be a strong leader.
“This injury… I had caused trouble for all of you. I'm the reason we need to push back our comeback. I should be more careful and avoid any accident that can affect BTS. But – but being a clumsy dork... I’m…”
Namjoon didn’t know how to express his sadness further, feeling at lost of his words. His voice shaking and he was on the verge of crying. Something he has rarely done except he was emotionally exasperated.
Maybe the members had said to him that it is fine for them. The members never blame him for getting injured when the comeback just around the corner. The members never got mad at him when he couldn’t join the dance practice when the fact that he still didn’t perfect the move like the others.
But being the leader, Namjoon blamed himself for his negligent act. He feels guilty that he had dragged down the team. He might have regressed to little space as a defense mechanism, a way to hide his guilt but now or later he still needs to confront the consequences.
“You are allowed to be sick and get a good rest, hyung!”
Namjoon startled at the brisk voice before he raised his head to see Jungkook. The other members had approached the leader and Hoseok, swamp the two and sits on the floor – circling Namjoon.
“You just a human being Namjoon. You can feel sad, sick and even tired as much as you wanted. You are not bound to be perfect. Everyone will understand if you feel down sometimes. Each of us had gone through the same thing too, ” Jimin speaks as he caressed on the leader's knee softly.
Namjoon hummed, looking at his bandmates with teary eyes. He flashed a weak smile, feeling happy that his bandmates being so supportive and so understanding. He couldn’t ask for more. He was blessed that he had the best friends to go through all the hardship.
“We love you Joonie. As much as you always accommodate our feeling and our need, we want to do the same to you too. Remember how you had been there for us when I and Tae had the argument during our last concert? How you professionally settled the problem without causing any hassle?” told Seokjin.
Namjoon smile and nods, reminiscing the last tour concert. How Taehyung had been crying before they go on stage after the miscommunication with Seokjin. He was relieved that the two doesn’t get into a fight that day.
“You had been there when I collapsed during the concert too, hyung. How much I had pushed myself that I feel so sick and lethargic that day…” continues Jungkook as he grabbed Namjoon's hand and squeezed it lightly.
Namjoon couldn’t hold his tears anymore when he remembered the day when Jungkook need medical attention after he collapsed out of fatigue on the backstage. He didn’t feel ashamed when he shed those fat tears. He just being emotional and the memory of Jungkook passed out really horrendous and terrifying.
“I – I was scared Kookie…” he said with a shaken voice and he can feel Jungkook grips tightened on his hand. “Seeing you like that, I feel scared. I didn’t know what should I do. You were the maknae and you had been working more than you should.”
“Everyone works harder, hyung…” Jungkook rectifies Namjoon's statement.
Namjoon hummed. “I’m might be a leader, but – but I’m still a kid. The responsibility to lead this group is harrowing. Sometimes, I might not know how to deal with the problem. I might make the wrong decision. I’m afraid that I will bring this group down for my incompetence…”
“Yah Kim Namjoon! Don’t you dare to say that again about yourself!!”
Namjoon jolted at the shouting, darted his eyes to Yoongi. His heart hammering out loud to see the darken expression of the oldest rapper of BTS. He swallowed harder as fear started to engulf him when the rapper staring at him with his deadly eyes.
“Hy – hyung… I – I…”
Yoongi lips parted slightly, trying to say something before someone had smacked the back of his head. Yoongi screamed out of pain, cocking his head to the side to see the culprit.
“Don’t yell at Joonie, you jerk!” snarled Seokjin, the one who had hits the rapper.
Yoongi rubs his head as he bawled his eyes in irritation. The others were looking at the two with disbelief and a little bit nervous. Afraid that they will start a fist fight in the dance studio.
“Do you need to smack me? You almost cause me to have a concussion!” said Yoongi exaggeratedly.
“Don’t say something stupid in front of our dongsaeng, Yoongi!” Seokjin ridiculed the rapper.
Yoongi was about to retaliate back when a soft giggle erupted. Everyone attention was drawn back to the leader where he was looking at Yoongi and Seokjin while giggling, hand over his mouth; adorable.
Everyone was swooning over the leader, feeling at ease that Namjoon's mood had enlightened a little bit.
“You two – look like a married couple arguing over something, ” Namjoon made a remark between his laugh.
“Don’t say that Namjoon. I heard enough of it! It’s disgusting!” refute Yoongi.
Seokjin smacked Yoongi once again, this time on his forearm. “Yah! What do you mean by that? Do you think I’m enjoying myself to be paired with you? A grumpy grandpa like you? Eww…” he spurts exasperatedly. Almost exaggerating like always.
“Grand – pa what?? That – that’s too much hyung. And what are you? Some old aunty that like to gossip around with another aunty?” mocked Yoongi.
Seokjin and Yoongi keep exchanging their derision remarks, ignoring the youngers around them – watching the oldest in the group bickering like teenagers.
“These two really…just get married please!” Hoseok said with annoyance evidently shows on his face.
“But I thought they were the imaginary parent in this group hyung. They already married, right?” said Taehyung.
Jimin clicked his tongue at the statement. “You and your weird thoughts Tae!”
“We really had a bunch of weirdos in this group!” said Jungkook as he crawled to Namjoon's side and let out a burst of soft laughter at his hyungs.
Jungkook glanced for a second to see Namjoon’s cheerful face as he keeps watching the others enthusiastically.
“I guess we are the one that being normal here, hyung…” notes Jungkook. He slowly took Namjoon’s hand and intertwined their fingers together.
Namjoon was taken aback at the sudden gestures, tilted his head to see the golden maknae. “Kookie?” his brows furrowed in confusion.
Jungkook smiles fondly at his precious leader. “Despite us being so chaotic and weird, you know that we really love you hyung, right?” Jungkook speaks with a pure voice. Eyes fixated on the shocked face of the leader.
“And you are the best leader in this world!” continues the maknae with an affirmative tone.
Jungkook wanted to show that he really meant what he said and the others will agree with him too. In fact, no one can deny that Namjoon is the best leader for BTS and no one can take his place. Not even the other members themselves.
It took Namjoon for a few seconds to process Jungkook's words before he nodded slowly in agreement. His lips twitched into a small smile and he tightened the grips over Jungkook's hand.
“I know… and I love all of you too…” he says genuinely.
“We love you too!!” the others scream almost in unison.
Namjoon laughed at the shout out and every one carefully pounced over the leader, not to pressure his ribs and gives him the hug he deserved.
Kim Namjoon, the best leader of BTS. No doubt to it. Not even Namjoon can doubt it himself.
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Chapter 18: 𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
After the emotional talk, the six members resume their dance practice while Namjoon stays at the back watching their swift and smooth dance with a fond smile. Still a little bit sentimental about his inability to join the rest but it is much better than before.
However, the peaceful enjoyed by Namjoon didn't last too long.
Namjoon's breath hitched at an instant when he saw Sukhoon entered the studio with Sejin behind him. He can see the piercing gaze given by the new manager when their eyes met. Namjoon starts to feel a little bit edgy with his unwanted presence.
Sejin approached the leader with a big smile and Namjoon trying his best not to show how he is nearly unhinged when Sukhoon stands behind Sejin with his smug face. He really hates that man!
“How do you feel Namjoon?” asked Sejin when Namjoon slowly stand and bow at him with respect.
“I’m good, hyung. It’s getting better…”
Sejin smile as he pats on Namjoon’s shoulder fondly. “Good to hear that. PD-nim is quite worried about the injury and had asked you to rest well. We don’t want to stress our great leader too much before the comeback.”
“Thanks, hyung. I’m sorry for the trouble though. Should be more careful but you know how clumsy I am…” says Namjoon while he scratched the back of his neck with a nervous laugh – feeling guilty.
“We won’t call you God of Destruction for nothing, Namjoon-ssi, ” interrupt Sukhoon as he smirked at Namjoon.
Namjoon was startled at the derision remark. And he can hear how Sejin instantly clicked his tongue at Sukhoon, obviously disapproved at his rudeness.
“Not that he purposely injured himself, Sukhoon, ” detest Sejin with his stern voice. His eyes glanced at the new manager, uneasy with his boldness while he talks to Namjoon.
Sukhoon fakes his laugh at the comment. “Maybe Namjoon was too excited playing at the dorm like a kid and tripped himself. Right?” he notes as his hawk eyes on Namjoon, voice turned to a sharp blade.
Namjoon holds his breath as he heard the allegation, looking at Sukhoon anxiously. He knows what was the manager trying to indicates. He feels uncomfortable out of sudden, his whole body stiffen on the thought that Sukhoon might spill his secret to Sejin - purposely. Namjoon can see the mala fide behind his words perspicuously.
Sejin frowned as he stares at Sukhoon. He always felt a little bit off about Sukhoon. Something is wrong with the new manager but he can't figure out what was that. He doesn’t want to be paranoid but sometimes Sukhoon was acting really weird – especially towards Namjoon. He does realize how Sukhoon always said something unkind to Namjoon this lately.
Sejin turned his head towards Namjoon when he can see the discomfort on Namjoon's expression. “Don’t worry too much Namjoon. PD-nim understands the situation and the comeback was still on schedule. I hope you don’t strain yourself within that time.”
Namjoon nods his head weakly. “Yeah, I – I really appreciate that Sejin-hyung…” he answered with glum thinking about the comeback.
Feeling a little bit suffocating with Sukhoon continuous teasing eyes, Namjoon dismissed himself to go the restroom, leaving the two hurriedly without looking or waits for the answer. He didn’t want the rest of his members to get suspicious about his discomfort.
Namjoon stares his reflection in the big mirror. He can see clearly the malaise and fatigue on his face. He barely had the sleep after the incident because of the immersed pain each time he moves violently on the bed.
He constantly makes used of the sleepless nights to write a few songs through his laptop. Of course, the members had forbidden him to go to the studio alone since he injured himself. Knowing exactly that he will be there till morning without any supervision. He always forgot about the time whenever he was so immersed with his music in the studio.
The members had made it clear to him that he was allowed to work within a specific hour. And in the bedroom only. No studio, no RKive. Which he reluctantly agreed because the members keep checking on him every fifteen minutes. It makes him annoyed sometimes with the overflows and unnecessary attention but still, he is grateful that the members were concerned about his well being.
Namjoon splashed the running water through the faucet to his face – feeling refresh after the cold water had touched his skin. He took the tissue on the side of the counter, wipe dry his face and he smiles to his own image in the mirror. Feeling much better than before.
Namjoon was about to leave the bathroom when someone came in. His eyes widen when he saw it is Sukhoon. Namjoon's heart pounding when Sukhoon maliciously locked the door. He almost forgot to breath when he notices the evil expression.
What the?
Namjoon distanced himself from Sukhoon when the male marched toward him slowly. Namjoon moves a few steps backward. “Wh – what do you want?” he asked, stuttering in fear.
Sukhoon smirk as he clearly sees how Namjoon's body start to tremble. He likes the feel how the leader becomes so small in front of him, shaking like a leaf. Sukhoon enjoy the power he had over the male. It's beguiling.
“Namjoon… Namjoon… Namjoon…” he chanted the name with a soft chuckle.
Namjoon arched his brows at the annoying laughs. He didn’t feel good at all. He can see the changes in Sukhoon’s face. How it is different and creepier than before.
“What do you want from me?" Namjoon asked devastated.
Sukhoon ignores the question, let out a sniggering to further irritates Namjoon. He really likes to tease the male. It is so much fun!
"Just tell me damn it!” Namjoon yelled at the said male after being provoked by the eerie silence and playful demeanor. He really hates it when Sukhoon did that to him.
Sukhoon let out another half-suppressed laugh, eyes murderously stare at the male for his audacity. He moved forward trying to intimidate the male and Namjoon backs up with fear.
Namjoon gasped when his back hits the wall. He hold his breath when Sukhoon became closer to him, towering him with his big and tall built. The fact that Sukhoon is taller than him is definitely harrowing.
And then a loud smacked echoed in the bathroom. Namjoon eyes widen in shocked with lips slightly parted. His cheek feels the sting sensation when he slowly touched it with his bare hand after being slapped by Sukhoon.
“Don’t you dare to talk like that to me Namjoon!” sneered Sukhoon with a sharp stare. He grabbed Namjoon's cheek, making the said male to grimace at the violent grips.
“You should be lucky that I didn’t torture you more than this Namjoon. You can't imagine the pain if I cut open your skin with the blade! That will be a great pleasure to see how well will you endure the pain and how beautiful the red blood flow from it. Don't you think so, Kim Namjoon?"
Danger has its own smell, it’s own distinctive set of signals. Namjoon was being shadowed by a profound, merciless, gut-shaking fear – fueled by the dim lights, the small space, and the silence surroundings – which tramps beside him like an uninvited, hungry dog.
Namjoon can feel his knees buckle with such threats and the harsh grip over his face. He can smell the danger from Sukhoon’s voice. It was full of hatred and vengeance. The threats to cause grievous harm towards him is really serious and horrendous. Namjoon body was shaking in terror.
Sukhoon scoffs looking how frailed Namjoon was in front of him. He let go of his hand, shoves Namjoon's face to the side with anger. Namjoon let out a low yelp out of pain.
“Why – why are you doing this to me?” Namjoon asked with a shaken voice, almost having a breakdown. He couldn't stop himself from asking such a question. He stares at the male with his teary eyes, hoping that Sukhoon will give him a definite answer.
Namjoon was confused. What kind of enmity been abhorred by Sukhoon against him? Namjoon couldn’t find any clue or he can't recall if he ever makes him or someone mad before. Why Sukhoon hates him so much? Why did he want to torture Namjoon? Namjoon didn’t understand at all.
Sukhoon scowls at the question, looking at Namjoon intensely. Like he was ready to pounce over the male and killed him on the sight. However, he shook his head, trying to calm himself down. This is not the right time to do that. He still eager to see Namjoon suffer more than this. He wanted to torment the said male until he is satisfied. Even though it's mean he needs to kill Namjoon.
Sukhoon curved into an evil smirk before he answered Namjoon's question. “Well, you’ll know the reason one day. I’m still not satisfied playing with you Kim Namjoon-ssi. This is the retribution that you need to pay for all my misery!”
Namjoon frowned at the statement. “Retribution? Misery? What do you mean by that?” he asked warily.
Another slap inflicted on Namjoon's cheek, making the used to be red cheek become redder. His fingerprint visibly printed on the second slap. Namjoon hissed in pain at the unexpected attack.
“I said don’t you dare to talk back to me like that! I hate it when you try to act so innocent in front of me. That makes me sick!” he shouted in wrath.
Sukhoon stroke his hair to the back begrudgingly, glancing at Namjoon now had shed his tears of agony. Sukhoon chided at the view, feeling amused that a leader of a worldwide well-known BTS was crying over a trivial matter.
“You looks pathetic Namjoon-ssi. I didn't know how you have been chosen as the leader. There are other people more qualified to be in your place. You didn't deserve it at all. A weak and selfish person like you are not fit to be the leader!" he spats his venomous words effortlessly.
Namjoon said nothing to the statement, head dangled down staring blankly on the tile floor. He had been listening to the same words for years. Since his debut days till today. He had become immune to hear such nasty comments throughout the years. He worked so hard to prove them wrong. But still, it was never enough.
"Pathetic loser!" Sukhoon cuss before he left the restroom and slammed the door harshly.
Namjoon flinched and remained in his position for a while before his senses come back to him. The overwhelming feeling he had with Sukhoon started to give effect slowly. Namjoon slides down from the wall and slumps onto the dirty tile floor. He wouldn't care so much about that.
Namjoon grits his teeth in anger, folded his knees to the chest as he let his ugly tears cascade through the damp. He clenched his fist until the knuckles turn to white. He feels so mad that he wanted to let out his frustration with a loud screaming.
But he can't do that in here. Everyone will hear his voice. Namjoon didn't want to attract any unnecessary attention. Namjoon feels stuck and the unbearable weight of the emotion on his heart starts to engulf him. He fisted his chest, trying to chase the pain away but he knows it is useless. Namjoon closed his eyes as the tears flow like a river.
What he had done to Sukhoon for him to hates him like this? What kind of misery had he given to the male? What retribution? Why is Sukhoon doing all this to him? Why? Why?
The same question keeps on playing in his mind. Lots of questions but there's no answer to it. He feels so helpless and useless.
Namjoon rests his head on the knees, sobbing sorrowfully. He had always felt insecure about himself, feeling inadequate as the leader because of his lack of talent compared with the other members. He still blames himself after he had dragged down his teammates because of his injury. And now Sukhoon had added another misery in his life.
Namjoon didn’t know for how long he had been in the restroom moping and crying silently. Yoongi was looking for him when he was flabbergasted to see the leader crying on the floor. When Namjoon saw the rapper at the doorframe, looking at him bemused - Namjoon instantly wailing calling for his daddy, now fully regressed to little space out of distress.
Yoongi automatically runs towards the little, almost trip his own foot before he kneeled in front of Namjoon. “Namjoon? Joon? Joonie? Baby? What’s wrong? Why are you sitting on the floor? Did you hurt yourself?” Yoongi was panicking.
Namjoon shook his head vigorously, continue to cry in grief. “Daddy!”
Yoongi gasped when he saw the swollen cheek. He cupped the face softly, looking at the injury thoroughly. “Wh-what happen? What happen Joonie-ah???”
“Daddy! Daddy! Home… home!!!” Namjoon wailed, refused to answer the question. He just wanted to go home and lying on his bed hugging his precious Ryan. He didn't want to be here anymore. He feels suffocated. Emotionally.
Yoongi can hear how his heart shattered into pieces listening to Namjoon’s broken voice. He pulled the little in a tight embrace where Namjoon continues to cry on his chest. Yoongi squeezed shut his eyes as he took a deep breath. He then took out his phone, send the message to all his members in the group chat about what had happened.
Namjoon was clinging to Yoongi, hooking his hand to Yoongi's neck tightly. Even the slightest move made by the elder had made him whimpering. Yoongi sat on the floor with Namjoon on his lap, holding the sobbing little until the rest of the members swamp into the restroom - panting heavily. Basically, all of them were running as fast as they can after they received the message.
“What happened?” shrieked Seokjin when all of them now approaching the little and the small rapper. They were shocked to see both of them sitting on the floor and how Yoongi was cuddling their precious leader.
Namjoon nuzzled his face further, hiding his face onto Yoongi's chest when he heard Seokjin's brisk voice. His almost dried tears start to roll again and his body was shaking.
Yoongi makes an ‘shhh’ sound when he feels how the little squirmed with discomfort. Seokjin clammed his lips together in guilt. He continues to ask in silence ‘what happen’ to Yoongi.
Yoongi shook his head. “I don’t know hyung. I found him crying on the floor…” whispered Yoongi exasperatedly. He rocks the little's body trying to console him.
Seokjin and the others frowning with quizzical looks as they peered over the little in Yoongi's embrace.
“And his cheek was swollen…” continues Yoongi with a strained voice. He hates the fact that Namjoon injured himself once again and no one knows what had happened to him.
To think that he was alone had made his heart clenched with anger and wrath. They had made the rules and regulation that Namjoon won’t be going anywhere alone but everyone seems to forget the main rules. But Yoongi can’t blame anyone for this because he himself was at wrong too. No one ever realized that Namjoon was gone to the restroom until they had finished the practice just now.
“What??” all of them whisper yelled almost simultaneously.
Namjoon whimpered, feeling agitates even at the slightest noise made by the members. When Seokjin tried to move his body to see his cheek, Namjoon starts to cry harder and his hand tugging over Yoongi's shirt tightly.
Seokjin sighed at the refusal. “Is it bad? Did he injured himself again?” he asked in concern.
Yoongi shrugs. “I don’t know. He just keeps on crying when I asked him…”
“Da – daddy… home… home… pwease…” Namjoon silently pleads, pulling the shirt down for a few times. “Pwease…”
Yoongi gave a sad gaze towards Seokjin and he notices the rest was looking with worries evidently shows on their handsome faces too.
“Do you think we were able to get out from here without any suspicion? He is a little now. And everyone was here. They might be wondering what is happening…” said Jimin.
Everyone nods in agreement. It wasn’t safe for them to just go out there without creating any scene. Especially in a broad daylight. Everyone will see them and most of the fans were waiting for them in front of the BigHit building. Namjoon is in the little space and basically still in a crying mess.
“Should we tell Sejin-hyung about this?” proposed Jungkook out of blue.
It was pure silence in the restroom as they were thinking about Jungkook's suggestion. If they were going to ask for Sejin's help, that’s mean they need to tell the manager about Namjoon's little space. The main question is, will Namjoon agree to share about it with other people than the BTS?
“Is it appropriate to do that?” Taehyung voice out his concern while he looks at his members one by one.
“But we need someone to secure our situation. And I think Sejin-hyung is the right person to do that, ” Hoseok then explained. In agreement with Jungkook. Jimin nods his head, in consensus with Hoseok and Jungkook.
Yoongi and Seokjin exchanged gazes for a few moments, in deep thought as to whether it was the right time to do. But they need to get out from here. Namjoon won’t stop crying and to walk with him in his condition will stir speculation among the fan and the worst of all – media.
They need to avoid any scandal before their comeback. It won’t do good for their image. Namjoon himself wouldn’t like to expose himself to the public. They need to think fast in this situation.
“Daddy… I – I wanna go home…” Namjoon mewl feebly when Yoongi keeps ignoring his request. Yoongi tightens his grip on Namjoon’s shoulder, gawking at Seokjin helplessly.
Seokjin then took a deep breather, turned his head towards Hoseok before he firmly said, “Call Sejin-hyung!”
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Notes:
Someone just said I'm the goddess of angst lmao 😂😂😂
AND
Do you think they will tell Sejin the truth?
Chapter 19: 𝙀𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Sukhoon walked in the hallway in high dudgeon, cursing to himself after the encounter with Namjoon. He couldn't contain his anger any longer, need to let it out as soon as possible. He was on the verge of punching the concrete wall if he wasn't in the BigHit building.
"Stupid Kim Namjoon! I'll make sure he will pay for all this misery. That pathetic asshole!!" He spats in hatred and grudge.
"Sukhoon-ssi!"
Sukhoon almost jumped out at the sudden interruption, flabbergasted when he almost collided with Sejin as his attention was distracted earlier.
"I heard you were cursing someone..." said Sejin as he gawks at the manager with a quizzical look. He notices the reddened face of the manager.
Sukhoon anxiously swallowed his own saliva, crossing his finger that Sejin didn't fully hear to his rants just now. He grinned nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Ah, Sejin-ssi. I was mumbling to myself..." he lied effortlessly.
Sejin puckers his eyebrows. "Don't say that you were cursing yourself Sukhoon. That will be weird though..." he alleged conspicuously.
Sukhoon clears his throat, let out an awkwardly. "Yeah, I was just mad at myself for being forgetful. I left my phone at home today..." he speaks another lie like it was his daily food.
Sejin hummed but still couldn't brush away his suspicious over Sukhoon's odd behavior. It's getting oblivious day by day. He was about to say another thing when his phone ringing. Sejin took out his phone, furrowed his brows when he saw Taehyung's name been displayed on the screen.
"Yes, Tae...what? Ok, I'm on my way!"
Sukhoon stares at Sejin, feeling the urgency to know behind his worried tone talking to Taehyung. What is it? Is it about Namjoon? Did they found him in the restroom?
"We'll talk later. I need to go now!" says Sejin hurriedly.
"What's wrong Sejin? Is there something happen to the boys? Can I come with you?" Sukhoon faking his concerned.
Sejin immediately shook his head. "No need. It's something you can't handle..."
Sukhoon grits his teeth in anger at the statement. "What do you mean? I'm their manager too. I have the right to know about the boys too..." he refuted furiously.
Sejin looks at Sukhoon with disbelief, frowning in confusion at his demeanor. It was so peculiar to see how he acted so carelessly unhinged.
"You're the new manager, been appointed to assist me if I couldn't manage their schedules alone. Not that you are going to take over my place, Sukhoon-ssi!" notes Sejin in a stern voice.
Sukhoon was taken aback at the saying, looking at Sejin bewildered. He wanted to rebuke the statement but Sukhoon was holding himself not to show his wrath in front of Sejin.
This is not the right time to do so. Sukhoon knows he needs to be more careful with Sejin. Sejin is not easy to deal with. He might expose himself in front of the manager if he continues to argue with the male.
"Ah, I'm sorry Sejin-ssi. I didn't mean that way. I'm sorry if you feel that way!" said Sukhoon, showing his apologetic expression - which is a mere façade.
Sejin let out a small grunt at the oblivious act, disliking the latter's attitude. But he didn't have time to lecture the male right now. He has something important to attend to.
"Nevermind. We'll discuss this later. See you tomorrow!" said Sejin before he left the new manager alone.
Sukhoon squinted his eyes, looking at Sejin's silhouette almost running heading to somewhere. And Sukhoon believes that Sejin was going to meet with the BTS - to see what had happened to Namjoon.
Sukhoon clicked his tongue before he slowly curved into an evil smirk. He had the gut feeling that Namjoon might be slipped into a little space after their encounter earlier. His bandmates will need help to make sure the leader's secret didn't get exposed. To do that, of course, they need Sejin.
Sejin always does the dirty things for BTS. Poor guy being used for something pathetic like Namjoon.
"It's getting more excited right now. I want to see for how long will you able to keep your dirty secret, Namjoon. I'll make sure you'll pay for everything you had done. You had messed up with the wrong person. I'm going to make your life miserable!"
"Joonie... Sejin-hyung will come and help us to get out from here. Is it okay for you if - if he knows about you?"
Namjoon fisted his hand on Yoongi's shirt, making it crumpled with the tightness. He hides his face further, still sobbing in the embrace of the rapper.
"Sejin-hyung is a nice man. He comes to help us. Okay?" coaxed Seokjin as he caressed the little's damp hair.
Namjoon whined at the touch but later nods his head. He didn't fully understand the consequences of his situation right now. But he managed to grasp that Sejin will know about his little space.
The thought of it makes Namjoon wanted to cower himself in a defense mechanism - hiding anywhere, everywhere from being embarrassingly exposed in front of the manager.
"We will briefly tell Sejin about this. And we wanted you yourself to explain everything to Sejin about the whole situation, okay?" continue Seokjin.
They were not running away from responsibility. No. Don't get them wrong. Only Namjoon has the right to tell about his little space to Sejin or to someone else. The members only can assist and helping him to confront the harrowing situation. Being there for him as the biggest supporter.
"Big Joonie needs to tell Sejin-hyung about little Joonie himself, okay?" add Yoongi while he caressed Namjoon's hair. He can feel how Namjoon weakly nods his head while he sniffed sadly.
Yoongi averted his eyes towards Seokjin, giving him a meaningful smile but at the same time, his face evidently shows how much concerned he was about exposing Namjoon to Sejin while he 's still in the little space.
Seokjin exhaled deeply and puts his hand to Yoongi's shoulder, mouthing 'everything will be fine' to the rapper as an assurance. Despite that, he himself feels a little bit worried about what's coming up.
He wonder how Sejin will react to the revelation? Will he be subtle like him or will he be a little bit overwhelmed like Jungkook?
Everyone attention drifted to the now widely open door where they can see Sejin entered the restroom with a frown face. Sejin, of course, feeling confused as to why the BTS hanging out in the restroom.
When his eyes moved to Yoongi and Namjoon sitting on the floor where Yoongi were hugging the leader on his lap, Sejin furrowed with further confusion.
Why Namjoon sits on Yoongi's lap? Isn't that really weird? And since when did Yoongi being so cuddly and attentive like that?
Seokjin gets up and approached the manager, feeling anxious as his eyes quiver around his bandmates - standing nearby the counter. Everyone was nervous. It is obvious.
"Sejin-hyung..."
Sejin eyes on Seokjin for a second before he once again stares at Yoongi and Namjoon. "What happens? And why Yoongi and Namjoon..."
Seokjin grabs Sejin's forearm as he heard Namjoon whimpered at the questions. Sejin looks at Seokjin with an unsolved mystery, asking the said male to explain to him the whole ordeal.
"Actually it is a long story and I'm afraid that it is hard for us to explain. But we need your help right now, hyung, " said Seokjin with a pleading voice. He hopes Sejin will understand their situation.
Sejin frowned deeper. "What do you mean by that? Is there something happen to Namjoon?" he asked with concerns.
"Well about that, actually Namjoon didn't feel good right now..." brief Seokjin.
Sejin darted his gaze over the leader of BTS, still wondering what had happened to the charismatic leader as he tightly hugged Yoongi. And Sejin notices the streak of tears on Namjoon's face. His heart almost clenched at the view, knowing exactly that Namjoon hardly cries except if there's something serious going on.
But what is it?
"Did he hurt himself again?" asked Sejin. That was the first thing came to his mind. The most logical reason.
Seokjin weakly nods. "We didn't know exactly about that. We found him crying on the floor. And his cheek was swollen..."
Sejin remained silence for a moment, trying to process the information given by Seokjin. How many times per day that Namjoon had injured himself? He knows that Namjoon was clumsy but for him to be super clumsy was kind of absurd.
And how did he injured his own face? He can't accidentally hit the wall out of nowhere.
"Daddy...scawed!" Namjoon said to Yoongi, whispering to his ears. He glanced at Sejin, gasping in fear when his eyes meet with Sejin sharp glares, instantly tilted his head and buried his face to Yoongi's nape.
"Why Joonie? What makes you scared?" Yoongi asked while Sejin and the rest watching and listening to their small talks.
Namjoon gnawed his lower lips, trembling a little bit. "That - that ahjussi...he no wike Joonie!"
Yoongi was taken aback at the statement, averted his eyes to Sejin and his bandmates. Yoongi realized how Sejin looks really confused right now.
"No Joonie. That ahjussi is a nice man, " gushes Yoongi.
Namjoon shook his head wildly. "No daddy. He - he hates Joonie. Ahjussi hates Joonie!" whined Namjoon as his eyes started to well up with tears again.
Sejin brows almost meet watching the commotion. He gave a confused look to each of BTS members before he moved his legs - approaching Yoongi and Namjoon.
Namjoon feels intimidated at the gestures, squirmed on Yoongi's lap and start to hugs the elder tightly, trying to hide from Sejin. His sobs erupted as he buried his face on Yoongi's shoulder blade, refused to look at Sejin.
Sejin carefully crouching in front of the two, giving Yoongi an intense stare as the rapper feels anxious as to what will the manager said to Namjoon. His hand securely wrapped Namjoon's tiny waist as the little almost climb over him - afraid of Sejin.
"Hey, Namjoon..."
Yoongi tried to loosen up Namjoon's grip over his neck but the little whimpered at the action, crying silently as he keeps saying he was scared.
"No, daddy! Joonie scawed! No!!"
Yoongi sighed and gives a sad eye to Sejin, hoping that Sejin will understand.
"Hey don't be scared. I'm - I'm not a bad person. I just - want to have a talk with you. Is it okay?" Sejin says in a soothing voice.
Namjoon shook his head. "No - no... Joonie scawed... no wanna talk...Joonie wanna go home, daddy pwease!" he said, voice muffled as he keeps his face hidden.
Yoongi pats on the back of Namjoon's head, feeling constricted that the little was crying and refused to talk to Sejin. Everyone seems worried and concerned right now.
"But then I'm unable to help if you didn't want to talk to me..." coaxed Sejin. He then searching for something in his pocket before he smiles when he found what he had been looking for.
"Well look what I have for you..." says Sejin with a cheerful voice.
Namjoon sniffs before he slowly turned his head, peeking over to see the thing. His doe eyes widen when he saw the thing on Sejin's hand.
"It's a lollipop. Do you want it? It's orange flavor and really tasty..." mentioned Sejin as he shoved the lollipop to Namjoon.
Namjoon eyes sparkle when he saw the orange lollipop closed up. "Ow - owange? Joo - joonie wike owange!"
Sejin smiles fondly and beckons over Namjoon to take the lollipop from his hand. Namjoon was hesitant, looking at the candy with his mouth slightly parted - almost drooling as he wanted to taste it.
Namjoon then moved a little bit, looking at his daddy. "Daddy, can - can Joonie eat? It's owange and Joo - joonie hungwy..." he asked Yoongi timidly.
He had been thought by his mother not to take anything from a stranger without permission. As to that, he was asking Yoongi first before he can take the candy from Sejin. If his daddy says no then he can't take it.
Yoongi smiles as he cupped Namjoon's face. "Yes darling, you can have the candy..."
Namjoon giggles happily before he put his hand forwards. "Ahjussi, Joonie wan lollipop pwease!"
Sejin let out a soft chuckle, swooning over Namjoon's cute gestures. Sejin placed the lollipop into Namjoon's hand.
Namjoon was enthusiast to have the lollipop, hastily trying unwrapped it before Yoongi helped him as he almost cries when he was unable to tear it by himself.
Namjoon puts the lollipop into his mouth, eyes sparkle as the zesty taste filled in his mouth. "Daddy its dewishes!" he exclaimed happily.
Namjoon looks at Sejin who had been staring at him. "Tank chu ahjussi...its dewishes..." he said shyly with his tiny cute voice, almost forgot to thanks the said male for the candy.
Sejin smiles before it died down when he saw the swollen cheek. And Sejin frowned when he noticed the marks on it, similar to a fingerprint.
"So Namjoon..."
"Ahjussi can call me Joonie. Ahjussi is a nice man and - and gives Joonie this..." Namjoon said chirpily.
Sejin mouthed a silent 'oh' before he clears his throat, a little bit abashed to call Namjoon with his new nickname. "So Joonie...can you tell me what happen to your face?"
Namjoon holds his breath at the sudden question before he shook his head. "No - no can't talk..."
Everyone frowned at the answer, looking at each other with confusion obviously shown on their face.
"Why?" Sejin asked.
Namjoon shook his head again. His eyes brimmed with tears as his lips quiver. "Scawed...! Joonie scawed."
"But Joonie..."
Namjoon wildly jiggle his head and start to cry harder. "No! No talk pwease! Joonie wanna go home! Daddy! Appa!"
As the little was crying again, everyone was flustered. Sejin sighed before he gets up and asking the boys to get ready and he will wait at the back door of the building. He will drive the van and waits for them.
Sejin was about to leave the restroom before Seokjin grabbed his arm. "Hyung, about Namjoon..."
Sejin pats on Seokjin's hand over his. "I understand. Let settle this first and we can have a talk later..."
Everyone released a deep breath after Sejin left the restroom. They were relieved that Sejin had been so understanding about their harsh situation. They were afraid at first thinking of how the manager will react seeing little Namjoon.
Less they know, Sejin was really good in dealing with the revelation. Much better than themselves actually.
"Baby, you can walk by yourself right?"
Everyone turned their head when Yoongi asked the question to their precious leader. Namjoon slowly becomes calm and stop his crying. Yoongi wipes the remaining tears on his face, carefully not to touch the swollen cheek.
Namjoon sniffs and put back the lollipop into his mouth. Everyone chuckles at the cuteness and at the same time glad that Namjoon wasn't crying anymore.
"Baby...did you hear what daddy asked you?" Seokjin interrupted while pulling Namjoon's hand. Stopping the little to keep sucking the candy.
Namjoon whined at the loss of the tangy flavor, looking at his caregivers with a pouty lip.
"Appa...Joonie wanna eat..."
Seokjin clicked his tongue and jiggle his head slowly. "I know but you have to listen to daddy first. Remember the rules? Listen to the caregivers and behave?" Said Seokjin softly but with a serious note.
Namjoon sighed and nods his head. "Sowwy appa, sowwy daddy..."
Yoongi smiled and ruffles the hair of the little. "It's okay darling. Daddy just want to know whether you're okay to walk? We are going home..."
Namjoon looks at his daddy with his bambi eyes, nodding his head as the answer. "Yes, Joonie walk..." he confirmed with words before he put the lollipop back into his mouth.
Namjoon then used his unoccupied hand to intertwine his fingers with Yoongi, making the oldest rapper to grimace with happiness; left the restroom together with the other members.
"I don't think he injured himself, hyung!" Jimin whispered as his eyes fixated at Namjoon in front of him. He was happily walking with Yoongi, swaying their entangled hand back and forth with the lollipop in his mouth.
Hoseok hummed as he glanced at Jimin on his side. He can hear the same agreement came from Taehyung as the three walked together in a line. Meanwhile, Jungkook and Seokjin were behind the three - listening to the conversation with anticipation.
"Did you see the print on his cheek? Looks like someone had slapped him..." alleged Taehyung.
The rest nodded as they realized about it too.
"Do you think someone did that to Namjoon? Who? Why?" query Jungkook as his voice rising a little bit - contained with anger and wrath.
Seokjin sighed heavily. "As much as I hate when he injured himself, I hope it is better like that rather than someone did that to him, " he says dejectedly.
Jungkook grits his teeth at the thought that someone might inflict the injury to his beloved leader. "I'm going to kill that person if I know who did that! I swear to God, Jin-hyung!!"
"Count me in, Kookie!" notes Jimin who harbored the same rage with Jungkook.
Taehyung growled listening to the maknaes rant. "It's not enough guys. I want him to suffer first before we killed him..." he added as he fisted his hand on the air.
Hoseok shook his head at the evil plan but won't say anything to it because he basically agreed with the three. Anyone who dares to hurt Namjoon will face the consequences from them.
They just need to find out who was the asshole!
"I hope Namjoon will tell the truth to us though..."
Everyone falls into a deep silence at Seokjin's words. Eyes now looking at Namjoon with stricken heart, realizing that Namjoon might keep it as a secret to them.
"He won't tell us right?" uttered Jimin, voice a little bit shaking as he tries to hold his sad tears.
"Nope, he won't."
Their eyes got teary with Hoseok's affirmation, feeling a pang of pain in their heart looking at their leader to carry the heavy burden by himself. They wished that Namjoon will share with them to ease his suffering but as far as they have known Namjoon - he won't let anyone hurt and willing to bear everything for their sakes.
Their selfless leader, Kim Namjoon.
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Notes:
Idk whether this chapter is good enough for you but yeah this is it.
As much as most of you know, it is Ramadhan and I'll be slowing down my time in wattpad because I'm quite busy during this month.
But I hope all of you will be patient with me and willing to wait for the updates. ☺
Chapter 20: 𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon holds his favorite Ryan near to his chest and his other hand played with the hem of his blue Koya's blanket nervously. His sniffles can be heard occasionally in the room, as his dam continue to pour the white pearl – soaking wet his face.
Seokjin had been trying to coax the little for almost half an hour already. Everyone being so tense watching Namjoon keeps crying after they arrived at their dorm. He started to have a mental breakdown when Sejin entered the dorm together with the others and felt intimidated immediately. No words can persuade the little to stop his meltdown.
“Joonie…”
Namjoon sobs further and Seokjin grab the little into a tight hug. Namjoon then hides his wet face on Seokjin's broad shoulder. Seokjin’s eyes quiver around his bandmates with concern evidently shows on his face. He can't stop worrying when Namjoon continues to cry.
Seokjin eyes then halted on the silhouette at the corner of the room. Sejin. Their manager had been watching the commotion since in the beginning. But he remained silent for the whole time, causing some serious tension to all of them.
“Sejin-hyung…” Seokjin trying to say a word towards the manager but Namjoon’s small whimper makes Seokjin dismissed his intention at an instant. He can feel Namjoon been tugging on the back of his shirt as the little continue to sobs.
Sejin let out a soft and low guttural sigh. He moves forward and took a seat at the end of the bed. When the mattress dipped out of his action, Namjoon arms hooked on Seokjin's neck tightly, climbing the elder's lap causing Seokjin almost to fall backward. Lucky that he managed to lean on the headboards quickly.
“Ap-appa…scawed..” he whispered to Seokjin's ears with a shaking voice.
Seokjin hugged the little, caressed his back in a circle softly. “It’s okay baby…nothing to be scared of…”
Namjoon shook his head wildly, tighten his hug and making Seokjin groan at his rough action. His gripped hardened on Namjoon's thigh as the little wiggled on his laps. Seokjin puffed an air for the dead weight of Namjoon's body on his.
“Hey, Namjoon…”
Namjoon whimpers hearing Sejin's voice calling his name out of sudden. He shouldn’t be scared of that male after he happily ate the lollipop given by Sejin before. But after they were in the room, when all attention solely on him again, Namjoon feels suffocated and trapped in the small space.
If he wasn't in the little space, there was nothing wrong with Sejin's presence in their dorm. Namjoon had used to Sejin being in the dorm if he wanted to see him or any of the members. They used to have dinner together with the rest of the members - eating Seokjin's delicious meals. It was a common routine between them and the manager.
But. There's a but to the situation right now. This is the exception to the general rule. Hypothetically.
Little Namjoon didn’t like when Sejin had been gawking at him with his sharp eyes. He hates it when the manager had the unreadable expression on his face. Like he had been judging little Namjoon. Like Sejin detest him for showing his fragile and weak side as the leader of BTS.
“About this little space…” mentioned Sejin as his eyes on Seokjin that been holding Namjoon's body firmly. “For how long?” he further asked.
“We just know about this less than a month. But as far as I’m concerned, he had been a little for a while…” Seokjin answered on behalf of the others. The rest nodded their head as confirmation.
Sejin instantly frowned. “So he had been coping with the stress like this for a while?” his voice sounded surprised.
Seokjin sighed dejectedly before he nods his head. His hand was playing with Namjoon's hair as the little buried his face on his shoulder blade. He can hear the faint sound of Namjoon's sniffling and sobbing. It was heartbreaking and Seokjin barely holding his tears.
“No one ever knew or notice about this before?” Sejin asked again. Wondering.
Seokjin shook his head. “No…”
Sejin sighed at the answer. He strokes his hair to the back and throws a glance at the rest of BTS members that been scattered around in the room. Their expression didn’t look so good as they were consumed by the guilt. The guilt for being unaware of their leader's struggling all this while.
“We were shocked when we found out about this. We had been living together for years but never for once we ever notice that Namjoon has been dealing with his stress by this method. Not saying that we were handling the little space very well right now, but we were in the learning process and still adapting…”
Sejin turned his head to see Yoongi as he speaks. His face was sullen as he leaned on the wall with arm crossed to his small waist. But his expression shows his seriousness and determination.
“This little space was still foreign to all of us. But we are willing to go through it if it makes Namjoon feels better. We had agreed to be his caregivers and take good care of him when he is in a little space, ” said Yoongi further.
Sejin stares at Yoongi, quite shocked to hear his stern voice and his solemn face when he talks about Namjoon's little space. He had known the rapper for years, mainly for his passive nature. Yoongi is a man of a few words. He barely talks if nothing really concerned him. And for him to talk this much about Namjoon was really impressive.
“Since you already know about this, I expect the company to help us and Namjoon. I know the company had the capability to do this for us, for Namjoon…”
Sejin clears his throat at the unrelenting voice as his eyes on Yoongi's stoic expression. Sejin knows it is not a request but more to demand. A clear and specific demand from the rapper.
“I’ll talk about this with PD-nim. I can’t promise anything but you know how the company always give the best to all of you, ” says Sejin practically.
“Namjoon-hyung deserve this Sejin-hyung. He had done so much for BTS, for BigHit…” intercept Taehyung, voicing out his opinion after being a good listener to the conversation.
“I know and I do understand your concern. I’ll try my best…”
“Merely trying is not enough, Sejin-hyung…”
“Yoongi…”
Yoongi turned his head towards Seokjin and immediately shrugged when he saw the sharp eyes of the elder. Seokjin sighed at his bratty attitude before he mouthed a silent apology to Sejin.
Sejin raised his hand and waved it in front of Seokjin, indicating that he didn’t take Yoongi's word into his heart. He understands what was Yoongi trying to say. The words were comprehensible and the demand was not something unforeseen.
“I think I need to talk to Namjoon…” says Sejin and slowly his eyes darted on Namjoon. “Alone…” he continues.
Namjoon makes a protesting sound as he pressed his face further on Seokjin's nape. Seokjin can feel how he shakes his head wildly and continues to cry. Seokjin pats his back in order to comfort the distressed little.
“It's okay baby. Sejin-hyung is a nice person. He won’t do anything bad to you. He even gave you the candy, remember?” coaxed Seokjin, carefully.
His eyes were on Sejin that seems tense to see Namjoon acting like that. The other members look agitated too. They didn't like to see Namjoon in that state and feeling restless for unable to do anything to soothe him at this moment.
“Joo – joonie scawed appa!” Namjoon whispered to Seokjin's ears with a strained voice. Almost choking in between his sobs.
“Nothing to be scared of. Remember what daddy told you? Big Joonie needs to tell about little Joonie…”
Namjoon shook his head again. His crying becomes more audible and his body shaking like a leaf blows by the wind. Seokjin frowned and he can’t hide his worries seeing Namjoon like this.
Seokjin turned his head towards Yoongi, asking for his help in silence. Yoongi’s shoulder slumps at the pleading face by Seokjin. However, he didn’t have any intention to put the burden on Seokjin’s shoulder alone. He has to play his part as the main caregiver to Namjoon also.
Yoongi walked towards the two and crouched down beside the bed. He laid his hand on Namjoon's back as his heart agonizing the sound of Namjoon's crying.
“Joonie-darling…Listen to daddy okay?” he speaks in a soothing voice.
Namjoon flinched hearing the voice of his daddy but stay still without moving an inch to look at Yoongi. Continue to hide his face.
“You have to tell Sejin-hyung about little Joonie so he can protect you. It is important for him that you explained the whole thing by yourself. Only you have the right to do so….” Explained Yoongi as his hand moves up and down stroking the back of the little.
This time Namjoon didn’t shake his head. He remained silent, saying nothing. Yoongi exchanged a meaningful stare with Seokjin. Both curved into a small smile, feeling a little bit relieved that Namjoon didn’t react negatively over Yoongi's words.
“Can you do that angel? Can big Joonie talk to Sejin alone?” asked Yoongi.
Namjoon sniffles before he tilted his head to see his daddy. Yoongi holds his breath when he saw the red face and puffy eyes belong to Namjoon. It's hurt his heart to see Namjoon so vulnerable like that. But still, he flashed a genuine smile to Namjoon, in order to ease his distress.
“Daddy, appa, papa, dada, oppa, and hyungie will be out there and you can call us if you feel uncomfortable…” continue Yoongi as he pointed on each member.
Namjoon lips quiver as his eyes averted to his caregivers one by one. His heart squeezed to see the beautiful smiles on his caregiver's handsome face. His stormy heart slowly becoming serene and subtle. He believes that his caregivers won't leave him alone and he can depend on them anytime he wanted. He can feel the warmth of their loves seeping through his body.
“Can you do that baby?”
Yoongi's question cut through his trance and Namjoon took a deep and long breath before he nods his head. Namjoon flashed a weak smile when he saw the gummy smile of his daddy that resonated the proudness of his bravery.
“Good boy…” says Yoongi gleefully and he ruffled the hair of the little – making Namjoon let out a soft giggle. Everyone coos at the view.
Yoongi smiles in relieved. "Later, all of us will cuddle and sleep together, okay?" He said tenderly.
Namjoon nods his head in joy. "Emm, Wyan too?" He asked innocently with his big and round eyes.
Yoongi laughed at the mentioned of Namjoon's favorite plush toy. "Yes, Ryan too..."
"Pinky promise?" asked Namjoon as he shoved his pinky fingers. Namjoon giggles when Yoongi linked his tiny finger into Namjoon.
"Pinky promise..." Yoongi said sheepishly, showing his healthy gummy.
Namjoon feels nervous. No. It will be an understatement. He feels anxious. He feels trapped. He was on his bed, both legs straightened and buried under the duvet. His fingers played with the hem of it, eyes fixated on his laps - head dangled down.
“Namjoon…”
Namjoon flinched at the call of his name but still too afraid to look at the owner of the voice. His hand gripped on the duvet tightly as his breath starts to hitch. He wished his caregivers were here with him in the room. But none of them were present. He wasn’t in a little space but still, it makes him edgier on each second passed.
Namjoon's heart squeezed at the thought that he needs to deal with Sejin alone. While the manager sat on the end of the bed, nearby his feet – been gawking at him for the past fifteen minutes.
“You can take your time to tell me… I won’t force you or pressure you. You know that right?”
Namjoon takes a deep breath before timidly nods his head. He lifted his head and glanced at Sejin for a second before he darted back his eyes to his hands again. The struggle to slip and hide in his closet become prominent.
“Seokjin and Yoongi had briefed me about this whole situation…” Mentioned Sejin in a calm voice after Namjoon remained silence.
Namjoon bits his lips.
“It still confused me but I kind of understand…” Sejin continues, eyes still on Namjoon. He didn’t want Namjoon to think that he was lying in order to comfort him. Sejin just being honest.
Namjoon hummed weakly. “So – sorry hyung. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble but – but it just happens…” his voice shaking a little bit.
Sejin let out a soft breath. “Namjoon, I’ve been the manager for years. I’ve been watching all of you growing up throughout the years, during the up and down. I know how much pressure have all of you endured to be here today. Especially you…”
“Hyung…”
“You had the double and triple works, more than the other members. You had carried the burden on your shoulder as the leader. You were doing great Namjoon and you always be. It is understandable for you to feel stress with all the responsibilities…” Sejin says.
Namjoon darts his eyes on Sejin, feeling overwhelmed at the speech. “It's my duty as the leader hyung. I need to lead BTS and make sure that the trust given by PD-nim to me was not in vain.”
“Namjoon-ah you’ve been working so hard all this while… you are the reason where BTS stand today…”
Namjoon weakly shook his head. Lots of people were saying the same thing to him. That he is the pillar of BTS, the leader who lead BTS into the flowery path. He couldn’t agree with the statement. All the success and fame enjoyed by BTS today were the hard work of everyone.
No one is being the sole reason for their success. Everyone has been working so hard, giving all their heart and energy. He can’t say he is the one who had paved the way for BTS. No. It's the hard work of the members, the staff, and the company. They won't be standing tall in the eyes of the world without any of them. It is impossible.
“It's always been the biggest concern for me and Bang PD on how all of you handling the stress. We were afraid it will tear you down one day. We can see how much you had been holding yourself…”
“If – if you think it will affect the company, I – I will try not to regress and – and…”
Namjoon let out a small gasp when Sejin put his hand on his and pats on it fondly. “You know how much the company will do for you and the boys, right? We are going to protect all of you in whatever circumstances…” mentioned Sejin.
Namjoon bites his lips before he nods his head. He knew the fact very well. BigHit had been giving so much for BTS so that they can be where they were now. Nothing less and sometimes it is too much just for the sake of their comforts. Namjoon couldn’t feel more blessed and thankful for all the advantages and favors are given by the company.
“This time, we will protect you too Namjoon. The same thing we did as before…” said Sejin with a firm voice. He curved into a smile as his eyes fixated on Namjoon's shy face.
“Th-thank you hyung…”
Sejin let out a soft laugh and he squeezed Namjoon's hand lightly. “You deserved this, Namjoon…”
“Oh, I didn’t know that Namjoon can be that cute!”
Sejin squinted his eyes at Bang PD as he said that words when Sejin explains to him what had happened to the leader of BTS yesterday.
“It was hard for him at first. The rest also didn’t know about it. It’s happened at the fan meeting…”
“Ah, that’s why he said he didn’t feel well that day… I see…”
Sejin nods. “Do you have any problem with that? You know for him to regress like a child…”
Bang PD looks at Sejin momentarily before he shook his head. “If that’s his way to cope with the stress than I don’t have any problem to that. Not that he misuse any drugs or inflicting any self-harm. It is better that way rather than he hurt himself…”
“Yes, I agree with that…”
“We know it is hard for a young boy like him to be the leader of BTS. It is stressful for him to be the front man and absorb all the negatives things for his bandmates. I’m glad that he found a healthy way to deal with the stress though…”
“I had mentioned this to Namjoon and the members. I wanted to discuss this with you first before they come and meets you about this…”
Bang PD nods in agreement. "We shall take a cautious step as well as providing a safe environment for the boys. I want him to feel at ease to show his weak side."
"I think a few staffs need to be briefed about this but make it with a limited circle so that the news didn't leak out and cause the harm to Namjoon and the boys too..." suggest Sejin.
Bang PD nods again. "Well, we will fix a meeting with the staffs later..."
Sejin smiles and feels relieved that Bang PD took the news in a calm manner.
“It makes me so eager to see Namjoon in his little space…”
Sejin frowned at the statement and had his eyes on Bang PD smiling face. “Why?” he asked in confusion.
“Nothing, I just thought that he must be really cute that you instantly fall under his charm Sejin-ssi…”
Sejin chuckles awkwardly but he didn’t deny the allegation at all. He was swooning over little Namjoon and he agreed that Namjoon is really adorable. It is easy for anyone to love little Namjoon instantly. Especially when he was acting so cute.
“Should I call him Joonie too?” asked Bang PD with a grimace. A little bit excited.
Sejin scowls at the saying. “You sounded like an old pervert man, PD-nim!
“Yah Sejin!!”
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Notes:
Hey guys, lol sorry for the long hiatus. My health wasn't so good for the past few weeks and honestly, I'm still sick right now. But it's getting better than before.
Most of you know that I never left out my books for so long and it really makes me upset that I'm unable to write in the past few weeks. I feel I need to start updating my books, trying to write at least one para per day.
Thanks for being patient with me. I hope this chapter hasn't come out as disappointment after the long wait. Sorry for the mistakes, I'm trying my best to fix my grammar.
Love you all!! 😘😘😘
Chapter 21: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
After all the confrontation and distressing situation that night, Namjoon found his comfort been squished in between of his daddy and appa on the floor together with his other four caregivers – sleeping and cuddling together as a reward for his bravery telling Sejin about his little space. Everyone was so proud of him.
Nothing can make him happier as his heart makes a flip when everyone giving him a good night kiss and saying the three magical words to him as he slowly drifted into the dreamland – hugging his precious Ryan to his chest and having the pacifier tuck down between his lips.
He rested his head on Seokjin's firm chest meanwhile his daddy Yoongi spooning him from behind. Namjoon didn’t have any nightmare that night, sleeping comfortably until the sun shone brightly on the next day.
But he didn’t stir at all when someone dragged open the curtain and let the bright light to enter the room. Namjoon was in deep sleep and didn't get bothered at all. Not even when his handsome and gorgeous caregivers waking up one by one; making some audible noises. Everyone was swooning over Namjoon as he sprawled over the comforter clutching his Ryan on one of his hand and how his pacifier almost fell from his lips.
Jimin rubbed his sleepy eyes as he approached the little slowly. Seokjin had gone to the kitchen to make breakfast for all of them. Yoongi is taking bath meanwhile Taehyung, Hoseok and Jungkook were folding the remaining comforters and blankets - already showered.
Jimin kneeled beside the little, letting out a small giggle when he saw Namjoon's cute tummy peeking out from his pink hoodie - slightly lifted due to his violent moves while he was sleeping. Jimin can hear the soft snores emitted by the cute little.
“Joonie-baby…wakes up!” said Jimin as he shakes Namjoon's shoulder.
Namjoon groaned at the disturbance but still didn’t want to open his eyes. His pacifier fell onto the floor and he immediately whined at the lost. He ignored Jimin due to the languor and took his thumb to replace the pacifier to his mouth. Jimin curved into a fond smile before he shakes Namjoon once again.
“Baby wakes up. It’s nine o' clock already. You need to bath and eat…” he coaxed the little.
Namjoon whined as he curled himself like a ball, hugging his Ryan firmly to his body. He squeezed shut his eyes, continue to suck his thumb and shook his head – refused to wake up. He still can feel the fatigues all over his body and he just wanted to sleep as long as he can.
“No… Joo-Joonie sweepy…” says Namjoon with a slurred speech. An obvious hint that he is in his headspace.
Jimin smiles further. “Come on baby… you really need to get up. You didn’t eat anything last night…” A low sigh escaped from Jimin's lip as he mentioned about that.
After Sejin left the dorm, Namjoon was too tired and almost fallen asleep while he sits on the bed. Yoongi and Seokjin had persuaded him to eat before he went to sleep but Namjoon refused to do so, barely open his eyes. They didn’t want to force the little further, worried that he will have another breakdown.
Namjoon huffed in annoyance and laid his back to the soft comforter again. He squinted his eyes as the bright light attack his orbs. He slowly rubs his eyes with the sweater paw, making Jimin to coo at his adorableness.
“Appa makes a delicious pancake for you. Don’t you love pancake?” asked Jimin when he saw Namjoon's blur expression, blinking his eyes on the ceiling. He was still half awake. But he knows Namjoon can't ever resist a delicious pancake.
Namjoon didn’t say anything before his stomach makes a grumbling sound. He then slowly nods, admitting the fact that he is hungry right now. The image of three layers of pancakes with the shining maple syrup dripping on it, topped with a red strawberry on top makes Namjoon drooling at an instant.
“De-dewishes... M'Hungwy…” he mumbles and pats on his flat tummy. Eyes still on the ceiling though as if there was pancake hanging on it. He licks his own lips, feeling the sweet taste of the imaginary maple syrup.
Jimin laughed at the words and he rubs gently on Namjoon's bare stomach with his cute tiny hand. “Poor baby…”
Namjoon giggles at Jimin's touch on his belly, feeling ticklish but comfortable at the same time when his dada's small hand feel so warm on his bare skin.
“Do you like it when I did this?” asked Jimin when he saw Namjoon's grimace.
Namjoon nods in enthusiast, tilted his head to the side to meet with Jimin's gaze. He shows his nice and beautiful teeth towards his dada and let him continue to rub his belly. It is a really nice feeling.
“But you need to get up and take a bath right now baby…” Jimin noted once again.
Namjoon immediately pouted. He grabbed Jimin's hand that still laid on his stomach and moved the hand so that Jimin continue to give him the stress reliever massage.
“More dada, pwease!” he pleads as his doe eyes stare at Jimin expectingly.
Jimin let out a peal of soft laughter. “I’ll do it later after you take the bath and eat. Okay darling?” he coaxed the little, making a promise towards the little.
“Pwomise?” Namjoon asked with a hopeful tone.
Jimin laughed heartily before he quickly nods. “Promise!” Jimin then bends his upper body and blow a raspberry on Namjoon's stomach to tease the little.
Namjoon squirmed as it is ticklish and giggles at his dada antic. Then he let Jimin pulled him up from the comforter and he strides lazily towards the bathroom with his mochi dada.
Namjoon bounced his feet when he saw the tub has been filled with water. There were two cute and tiny rubber ducks swimming in the water - calling for him to play with. Taehyung grinned when he saw Namjoon's excited expression.
“Do you want a rainbow bathbomb baby?” he asked sheepishly.
Namjoon continues to bounce and jiggle his head eagerly. Jimin chuckles at his antics before he left the two in the bathroom. It’s been decided among them that Jimin's task was to wake the little and Taehyung was responsible to make sure Namjoon take his bath.
Taehyung took Namjoon's hand and help the little to take out his hoodie, leaving him with his only black boxer. Namjoon shivers at the sudden change of temperature in the bathroom but at the same time feeling impatient to take a shower.
Taehyung throws the bathbomb into the tub and slowly it turns into a beautiful bubble, spreading its bright color throughout the water in the tub. Namjoon eyes widen to see how it’s slowly dispersed in the water, creating a beautiful rainbow like magic.
“Wook oppa! Wainbow!!” Namjoon exclaimed joyfully.
“It’s pretty right?”
Namjoon instantly nods. “Emm pwetty... Blue, wed, ow-owange, gwin, puwple, yellow and – and ind – ind… “
Taehyung chuckles at Namjoon's difficulties to find the correct words. “It’s indigo baby…”
Namjoon pouted. “Ind – indigo?” he huffed in frustration that it is a hard word to pronounce.
Taehyung stares at Namjoon with adoration, heartbeat escalated to see Namjoon's cuteness. It’s a serene feeling to see him acting that way as if he had fully forgotten what had happened yesterday. Like his memory had been reset.
The sight of Namjoon crying and trembling with fear was harrowing. His heart clenched at the view and he feels disappointed that he can’t give any comfort towards the little as his caregiver. He hates to see those tears on Namjoon's perfect face. It doesn’t belong there and it didn’t suit with Namjoon at all. Namjoon deserved all the happiness in this world. His baby deserved everything after all the hardship he went through for years.
Taehyung didn’t want to see Namjoon in that state anymore. It’s really hurt his feeling and the other members too. Their precious leader has been so vulnerable but they were so helpless - it's horrendous. They wanted the leader to able to lean on their shoulder when he feels down. They wanted Namjoon to be able to depend on them during his vulnerability.
“Oppa! Can – can Joonie go in now??”
Namjoon's cheerful voice cut through Taehyung's reverie and he instantly tilted his head to see the little who had been jouncing his long feet – too excited to get into the tub.
Taehyung chapped his lips and put his pointy finger to it and started to think about Namjoon's request. Well, he was just faking it to see the little's reaction. He averted his eyes to Namjoon who started to show his sullen face and pouty lips.
“Oppa…pwease!!!” Namjoon whined impatiently.
Taehyung let out a soft chortle at his behavior before nods his head. Namjoon squeaked before he jumps into the bathtub full of water. Taehyung eyes widen at the sudden action, didn’t have enough time to dodge the splashed water – saline soaked his t-shirt and sweatpants.
Taehyung groaned. “Baby!! I just take my bath and now look at what did you do to me?? Jinnie will be mad at me now. He always complained about my dirty clothes all over the room!"
Namjoon made a soft ‘opps’ sound, putting his hand over his mouth and giggles in amusement to see Taehyung's wet clothes. He didn’t fully grasp what’s been ranted by Taehyung just now but the vocalist looks funny to him. He was soaking wet.
Taehyung had both his hand on his hips, squinted the eyes towards the little who seems enjoying himself seeing him like that. Taehyung took a deep breath before he too jumps into the tub, still fully clothes. His random act had makes the little to yelp out of shock.
“Nooo!!!!!”
Taehyung stuck out his tongue playfully and let out a boisterous laugh when Namjoon smacked on the water angrily.
“Now let’s take bath together baby…” says Taehyung while he smirks at the little.
Namjoon gnawed his lips at the suggestion before he screams in horror when Taehyung marched forward and start to tickle him. He continues to scream when Taehyung put his hand on his waist and hoisted him from the tub - twirling their bodies before Namjoon sat on his lap and Taehyung hugging him from behind.
Everyone was shocked to hear the loud scream. Jungkook and Jimin sprint their leg to the bathroom, worried that something happens to Namjoon. But they let out a frustrated scowl when they saw Taehyung and Namjoon were playing together in the tub – looking so happy.
Jungkook pouted. “Ugh! If I know it’s going to be like this, I will volunteer myself to bath with Joonie!!” he stomped his feet childishly and leave the two with jealousy lingers in his heart.
Jimin gives him a sharp stare and watched him scurried away to the living room mumbling his dissatisfaction to himself – obviously sulking. Jimin chided at Taehyung, giving him a murderous stare as a silent warning to the tall vocalist; not to do something weird to little Namjoon.
Taehyung stuck out his tongue at the dancer and continue to pour the shampoo on Namjoon's hair. Meanwhile, Namjoon unaware of the tense situation between the maknaes, giggling happily playing with the rubber ducks.
All the members were having their free time together in the living room watching The Boss Baby after breakfast.
Namjoon was lying on the couch, drinking the banana milk from his bottle, head resting on Jimin's lap meanwhile his long leg on Taehyung's lap. The rest of his members were sitting on the floor comfortably.
A few giggles can be heard from Namjoon, enjoying himself watching the cartoon. He was so immersed with the character and once in a while mumbling something incoherent about the characters. The members were cooing over his cute gibberish talk.
Jimin’s delicate fingers were playing with Namjoon's soft and silky hair, eyes fixated on the television before a long gasped emitted by Namjoon.
“No no no no! Dada wook!” exclaimed Namjoon as he pointed directly towards the television.
Jimin frowned in confusion. Namjoon hastily gets up from the couch, kicking Taehyung's chin with his long leg unintentionally. Taehyung hissed in pain but the little pay no heed over him.
“What's wrong baby?” Jimin asked. Everyone eyes now have their attention over the little too. Confused at his sudden action.
Namjoon jutted his lower lips and started to wobble as he was on the verge of crying. “No! Lam-Lam! The baby – the baby is meanie!”
Everyone mouth agape when Namjoon starts to wail watching one of the scenes in The Boss Baby where the baby accidentally ripped Lam-lam, the plush toy belongs to Tim. It was an emotional scene for little Namjoon and everyone was flustered to see him indulging himself with the movie too much.
Seokjin immediately turns off the television as everyone swamps over the crying little.
“Hey don’t be sad. It’s just an accident. He didn’t have any intention to do that…” coaxed Jungkook while he rubs Namjoon's hand gently.
Jimin wrapped his arm over Namjoon's shoulder, trying to soothe the little but Namjoon just keeps crying and continuously calling for Lam-lam. Everyone was exasperated looking at Namjoon, feeling at lost on how to coax the little.
“What’re we going to do?” Jungkook asked with a worried tone, looking at his hyungs one by one.
Jimin and Taehyung shook their heads meanwhile Hoseok pacing forth and back in front of them – didn’t know how to handle the crying Namjoon. It wasn’t his forte and it is quite challenging for him to calm Namjoon in that state. Hoseok was petrified actually.
He can have a simple to serious talk with Namjoon in whatever issues when Namjoon is out of his little space. It is much more comforting to have a two ways communication. Little Namjoon may be cute and adorable that he wanted to keep him safe into his pocket but when Namjoon having his breakdown, crying non-stop; Hoseok immediately stunned and his mind goes blank.
“Baby, stop crying please…” is the only thing Hoseok can say to the little right now.
Namjoon voice started to hoarse after wailing too much but there was no sign that he will stop crying at any moment though. The image of Lam-lam been ripped off was horrifying. And Namjoon immediately thought about his Ryan.
“Wyan…Joo-Joonie wants Wyan…Appa! Daddy! Wyan!” Namjoon sobs.
Jungkook almost falls on the floor when he stumbles on the couch as he hurriedly gets up and runs towards Namjoon's room to get the plush toy.
Yoongi took Jungkook's spot just now, crouching in front of Namjoon that still crying. “Don’t cry Joonie. It’s just a movie. And Lam-lam was fine. They fixed him right away…” Yoongi tries his best to coax the little.
Namjoon let out a few hiccups, staring at his daddy with his puffy eyes. “No boo-boo?” he asked weakly.
Yoongi flashed his gummy smile, caressed the hair on Namjoon's forehead softly. “No boo-boo anymore…”
Everyone turned their head when they heard the loud steps running towards them. Jungkook was panting as he shoved Ryan to Namjoon. Namjoon immediately takes it from Jungkook's hand and hogged his Ryan dearly.
“Wyan no boo-boo otay? Joonie wove Wyan!” he said to his plushy cutely and kissed the toy on the face.
Everyone cooed at that and a little bit relieved that he slowly become calmer than before. There were still a few hiccups but the crying was obviously stopped already.
“Do you still want your banana milk, baby?”
Namjoon tilted his head towards Seokjin, looking at his bottle on his appa's hand. Namjoon scrunched his nose and nodded his head once. Seokjin smiles and hands over the bottle to Namjoon, which he happily grab and continue to drink it.
“That was quite an alarm!” mentioned Taehyung exasperated as he leaned on the couch - feeling slouched.
Everyone nods their head, agreed with Taehyung. They were afraid that Namjoon will have another breakdown like yesterday but relieved that his crying wasn't taking too long to subside this time.
“By the way guys…”
Hoseok's voice interrupted their peaceful moment and everyone had their attention over the aesthetic dancer and the fierce rapper.
“Sejin-hyung just texted me. We have a meeting with Bang PD at three…” told Hoseok while he held his phone firmly. "Sejin-hyung will be here in half an hour..." He continues.
Everyone gulped at the news before slowly looking at Namjoon – a little bit concerned about him to meet with Bang PD. They were more anxious that Namjoon was still in his headspace and they were unsure if it is okay for little Namjoon to appear in front of the important man behind their successful career.
“Hyungie….” Namjoon whined slowly as his eyes started to become droopy.
Jungkook was taken aback before he approached the little. “Are you sleepy baby?” he asked.
Namjoon nods his head.
Jungkook bites his lips. “What now hyung? I don’t think he will be out from his little space any soon…” he said as his eyes on Hoseok.
Hoseok stroked his hair to the back, feeling emotionally constipated. He averted his eyes towards Seokjin and Yoongi who had the same expression as him.
“I guess we just have to bring little Namjoon today. Afterall the meeting was about him being little, right?” suggest Hoseok. However, there was hesitation lies in his voice.
Seokjin took a deep breather, exchanging gaze with Yoongi before both of them nods their head in unison.
“But he’s sleeping now…” intercept Jimin as he was a little bit surprised when Namjoon rested his head on his shoulder – eyes shut tightly.
“He will become cranky when he is awake. We can’t afford for him to cry at the company…” Jimin voice out his worries.
Yoongi sighed. “We need to make sure that he won’t do that. We need to prepare all his needs…”
Which it has become harder for all of them afterward. Namjoon basically whined each time Seokjin moved his arm and leg – changing his clothes into a onesie. Seokjin put the pacifier to his mouth to make sure he didn't cry. Namjoon continues to sleep, nuzzled his face further on Jimin's chest while Seokjin helped him to wear the onesie.
Taehyung and Hoseok were preparing Namjoon needs into a bag – his second bottle in case needed, extra clothes as well as his coloring book to divert his attention during the meeting.
Jungkook used his strength to pick Namjoon up and the little quickly hugged him like a koala and buried his face on his shoulder blade – continue to sleep. Seokjin put on the face mask over his face to hide the pacifier before all of them went down where Sejin was waiting in the van.
Everyone just hopes the meeting with Bang PD will run smoothly and Namjoon didn’t have any distress feeling like he did with Sejin. This is the first time, the journey to BigHit feels so strenuous and everyone was on the edge thinking about what’s going to happen. And Namjoon sleeps peacefully in between Seokjin and Yoongi, sucking his pacifier - not knowing what is waiting for him.
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Notes:
A fast update because I feel motivated and I'm afraid the idea will get away if I didn't start to write these crazy ideas in my head. 😝
Chapter 22: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙊𝙉𝙀
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
He can’t move.
He tried to shake his arm and legs. It’s been tied up with something.
But why?
He tried to open his eyes slowly. And he saw nothing but darkness. Strange. This is not his room.
Where was he? Why he is here? Why he was sitting alone in a dark room tied up on to the chair?
His heart thumping louder and he can feel the blood rushing out his vein out of fear. He can’t find any light and he feels suffocated.
Jin-hyung?
Yoongi-hyung?
Hobi? Jiminie? Taetae? Kookie?
No one is answering his call. Namjoon breathe hitched at the thought that everyone had left him alone. He was scared. Tears started to puddle in his eyes and he squirmed violently to release himself from the tight grip.
It hurts. His whole body was aching and the dull pain was killing him. He needs to get out from here. He needs to find his bandmates. What if they were like him too? Tied up to something somewhere. He needs to go and help them. The thought makes him feel uptight.
But why he can’t escape from here?
His heart thumped erratically when he heard a click sound. He tries to find the source when a light came through, brightening the darkness a little bit. A door. And someone was walking through it. A male.
Every single step taken by the stranger was harrowing. It sounded like the shoes purposely hit the floor to make such clad sound. He squinted his eyes to see the male but his eyes were blurry. Later that he realized he hasn’t worn his lens and his glasses was nowhere to be found.
“Wh-who are you?” he asked with a trembling voice. He can see the silhouette became closer and closer.
A sniggering laugh erupted making Namjoon to has goosebumps. He flinched when the latter male standing in front him – too close for his liking. It feels suffocating. He didn’t realize that he was shaking too much until the male pointed it out to him.
The male chided in annoyance. “What a pathetic loser!”
Namjoon almost choked when he heard the deep voice. It’s sounded so familiar. He knew the owner of the voice.
It can’t be! That’s voice! It’s… it’s…
“What a nice view, Namjoon-ssi…” the said male speaks with his venomous voice, emitting smothering laughter to ridicule the helpless Namjoon.
Namjoon lifts his head to see the face and his heart immediately dropped when he saw the male. Despite his far sight eyes, he still can see the face clearly because of their close distance. His eyes widen in shock.
“Suk-Sukhoon?”
Sukhoon lips twitched into a smile and slowly let out an evil laugh. The dark and spacious room has now been echoed with his laughter. It was too loud that Namjoon feels his ears buzzing and it hurts.
“Wh-why are you doing this?” he asked with a shaken voice. The same question he used to ask the male before. But there was no answer. And it still left unanswered this time.
Namjoon let out a painful yelp when Sukhoon grabbed a handful of his hair, yanking his head to the back. Namjoon feels his throat became dry when he tried to swallow and the angle making his neck to be in an awkward position - aching and sore on each second.
“I want you to die, Namjoon!” said Sukhoon, gritting his teeth in anger. His voice lies with hatred and his face was darken to show the deep of his anger. A determination to seek revenge.
But what revenge? Why? What did he do wrong that Sukhoon want him to die?
Namjoon lips parted to say something, to ask further but before he could do that, his eyes enlarged when he saw the sharp knife in Sukhoon's hand.
"Wh-why? Tell me...why are you doing this?" Namjoon asked courageously. He grimace in pain when Sukhoon pulled his hair to the back once again.
Sukhoon snickers at the audacity but he didn't have any intention to ignore the question anymore. Maybe this time Namjoon deserved to know the reason - before he dies.
"As I said, you have to pay for your sin... Someone who acted so high like you, who thought that you are better than the other, who will do anything to be successful and powerful...."
Namjoon furrowed at the accusation as he couldn't fathom each of it. It feels strange to hear that from Sukhoon. He never acted like that ever. He was trying to be as humble as he can and being respectful towards the other.
"Wh-what...arghh!" Namjoon screamed when the knife touched his cheek, slicing the skin and the blood flow slowly.
"Don't act like you didn't do something like that Namjoon!" Sukhoon spits on Namjoon face, smirking when he saw the pain expression of the said male. He feels satisfied to see how torturous Namjoon was.
"But-but I don't understand... I never..."
Sukhoon grits his teeth. "You talk too much, Kim Namjoon!"
Namjoon was horrified when he saw how Sukhoon hoisted up the knife on the air. Namjoon screamed out of his lung when the knife buried into his chest a second later. Right to his heart.
Pain. Pain. Pain.
Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.
Dark. Only dark.
“Joonie? Joonie-baby? Namjoon!!
Namjoon jolted up at the brisk voice, eyes wide open as he tries to catch up his labored breath. He was sweating and had a coughing fit. He looks around and realized that he was still in the van and his eyes caught on the concerned faces of his bandmates.
Namjoon can hear how loud and fast his heartbeat was. He was wheezing like he had an asthma attack. There are few sweats dripping on his soaking face. He scrunched his nose when he feels his shirt sticking all over his skin.
Subconsciously both of his hand clutched on his shirt – near to his chest. The stabbed pain feels surreal. Namjoon holds his breath in fear and his whole body shakes like a leaf.
Namjoon flinched when someone had cupped his face, forcing him to look at the person. The hand feels warm over his cold face. He whimpered at the action and tightly shut his eyes out of fear.
“Hey, Joonie… what’s wrong baby?”
The soothing and velvety voice was so comforting and makes him feel so safe. He opened up his eyes and a beautiful handsome young man was looking at him intensely.
“Ap-appa…” he forced himself to utter those word and his throat feels scratchy. He speaks with a hoarse voice.
Seokjin let out a deep sighed of relieved after he managed to get Namjoon's attention. He was shocked to see how Namjoon was moving uncomfortably and groaning in his sleep. Seokjin immediately knows that the leader was having a nightmare.
Seokjin and Yoongi were trying to wake him up but to no avail. When he started to trash around, everyone was panicking. It took them almost ten minutes before they manage to awake the male.
“Baby…” Seokjin strokes his damp hair out of his forehead, caressing his protruding cheek lovingly. “You were having a nightmare…” he said with a soft and tender voice, trying not to scare the little further.
Namjoon mewled and started to sobs. “Appa…Joonie scawed…”
Seokjin startled a little bit at the outburst, pulling the said male into a tight hug – wrapping his long arm on Namjoon's waist with one arm and another cupping the back of his head. Namjoon buried his face on Seokjin's shoulder blade and continue to cry.
It's just a dream. A dream. Dream. Right?
Seokjin exchanged his gaze with the others and they had the same expression with him. Worried and concerned.
“It's okay darling. Appa's here. Everyone is here. You’re safe. We’ll protect you!” coaxed Seokjin, hand moving up and down on Namjoon's back.
“No weave Joonie awone…Joonie scawed!” Namjoon voice muffled through Seokjin's shirt but it’s still understandable. Both his hand were tugging on Seokjin's shirt.
Seokjin can feel the tight grip and how Namjoon's body trembling in his arm. “No baby! You won’t be alone. Appa promise!”
Namjoon’s crying slowly died down with few sniffles here and there. But still, he didn’t want to release himself from being hugged by his beloved appa. He feels safe and warm and he wanted to be like that for a while. He still can't forget the bad dream and it's horrendous.
Seokjin wanted to ask the little about his dream but they didn’t have any time to chat at the moment. They had arrived at the BigHit building for almost fifteen minutes. They need to get out of the van and heading to the meeting room. Bang PD had been waiting for them.
“Will he be fine to attend the meeting?” asked Sejin after he had slid open the door. Eyes fixated at Namjoon that almost fallen asleep in Seokjin's embrace.
Everyone breathe out with exasperation. It’s going to be a long tiring day since Namjoon is in his little space and now having a mental breakdown due to his nightmare. At this rate, everyone in the company will get to know about his situation. And it won’t be good since it's intended to be in a limited circle only.
Seokjin had to persuade Namjoon to get out of the car for ten minutes before Namjoon needs to detach himself from Seokjin. Namjoon wanted to stay in the car, hugging the headrest as his life depends on that. Seokjin needs to eye-glare at him and threatened him for punishment before Namjoon finally gave in.
"Don't be a brat, Joonie!" Seokjin's voice turn to sharp-blade.
He hates when someone said he is a brat. Hearing that from his appa doesn't sound good at all. And he didn't want his other caregivers to think that he is really a brat too.
As an act of sulking, Namjoon refused when Seokjin was trying to hold his hand. Instead, he took Jungkook's hand with a sullen face.
“Wan hyungie…” he said with a pouty lip.
Seokjin let out a soft chuckle at his antics before he put the pacifier on his mouth and covered it up with the black face mask. Namjoon whined when Yoongi said he needs to leave his Ryan in the car. When the little almost crying, Yoongi sigh dejectedly and grabbed the plush toy on behalf of Namjoon.
Namjoon start to sweat when he saw a few people in the meeting room. His gripped on Jungkook's hand immediately tightened. Jungkook had noticed the tense and instantly wrapped his arm over Namjoon's shoulder. He leaned closer and whispering to the ears.
“Don’t worry baby. We are here for you…” he says.
Namjoon was nervous but nonetheless, he nods as he was confident at his caregivers. As he turned his head to look at all his members, his heart feels at ease when he saw their smiling faces. He knew at the moment that he can trust them.
Namjoon anxiously sits on the couch, being accompanied with Yoongi and Seokjin on each of his sides. Totally forgot that he just got mad at his appa before. Meanwhile, Taehyung, Hoseok, Jimin, and Jungkook sits on the chair in front of the three.
Bang PD and Sejin were sitting in front of them with the other three staffs. Son Sungdeuk, the performance director that mainly responsible for BTS’s beautiful choreography, and then Jiwon with Eunhye (fictional character) the BTS stylists. The three were the closest one with BTS because they had been together with BTS since the beginning of their debut days. They are the most trusted people in BigHit.
It was an awkward situation for a few minutes. No one was talking and they kept on exchanging glanced with each other. Some of the times their eyes were fixated on Namjoon, still sucking his pacifier while he hides his face on Yoongi's shoulder. The elder rapper was patting his thigh in order to comfort the little. Seokjin was playing with Namjoon's hand, caressing the back of it softly.
Sejin had briefed the situation to everyone before they had the meeting. It’s still a surprise for them to see Namjoon in a little space. But they try to understand and be supportive of the BTS leader. Everyone knows the struggle being the leader for BTS all this while.
“Frankly speaking, I don’t have any problem about this at all, ” said Sungdeuk while his hand pointed at Namjoon.
He had been watching Namjoon since he was a trainee and he knows how much Namjoon had grown as a person. The little space was still foreign for him but if it is the way how the leader sought for stress reliever, Sungdeuk didn't care at all.
“It’s okay for us too…” Jiwon speaks for herself and Eunhye. Eunhye nods her head as affirmation. Both of them were looking at Namjoon with sparkling eyes, fascinated to see the charismatic leader and the fierce rapper acted like a child. It’s so cute and they barely hold themselves from squishing the leader.
Bang PD smiles at the support shown by the three. “Well, I hope that we were able to create a safe environment for Namjoon and the others too. For meanwhile, only us know about Namjoon. So please keep it as a secret.” He notes while he emphasized the last sentence.
Sungdeuk, Jiwon, and Eunhye give a silent okay as they nod at the instruction.
“We need to make sure this is a secret until it is necessary for us to have a bigger crowd. We need to be used to the situation and how to give proper care whenever he is in a little space…” Sejin turns to explain.
“What about Sukhoon? He’s your assistant, Sejin-ssi…” asked Sungdeuk. He was confused at first when he didn’t see Sukhoon in the room. Shouldn't he be here too?
Sejin shook his head. “He's still new and it's too risky to let him know about this. We can’t trust anyone easily…”
Sungdeuk nods his head and everyone seems to agree with Sejin. And the meeting ended after one hour with everyone being briefed about their task and responsibilities over Namjoon's little space.
The BTS members remained in the room with Bang PD and Sejin, after the other three left the room.
“So, I’d heard that he had been calling all of you with names…” said Bang PD with a sheepish grin. To be honest it's kinda creepy to see him like that.
Seokjin clears his throat at the abrupt comment. “Yeah…”
Bang PD chuckles at the reaction. “Cute!”
Sejin rolled his eyes at the remark, knowing that there must be something funny in the head of that old man.
“Don’t you think that I need a name too?” Bang PD proposed.
Everyone mouth agape at his statement, looking at the male incredulously. Sejin squinted his eyes towards the latter.
“You really are a pervert old man, PD-nim!” Sejin said with an accusatory tone.
Bang PD glared at the manager. “Why I can’t get a name when he basically called you ahjussi? You were bragging about it all day to me and it’s annoying!” he refutes.
Sejin’s face turns to a dark shade of red, avoiding any eye contact with BTS who had been gawking at him with an amused face.
“Well, I – I’m just, you know…because he was so cute when he called me ahjussi and I feel honored. Not that I forced him to call me that!” stutters Sejin.
Bang PD berates at the reasoning, feeling amused at Sejin's flustered attitude. It’s rare for the manager to be like that and Bang PD has a good time teasing the male.
“I should have a name too then. Don’t be too cheap, Sejin. Or are you jealous that he might be giving me a better name than yours?” Bang PD asked with a playful tone.
Sejin rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. “That was absurd!”
“He might be calling me ‘abeoji’ you know…” notes Bang PD with a smug face. Everyone said that he is the father of BTS. Sometimes people said he treats Namjoon like his own son. He won’t deny that since he has known Namjoon for years and he was quite fond at the young boy. A very talented one.
Sejin mockingly laughed at the motion, feeling that Bang PD was acting so weird and ridiculous. “Abeoji?” he scoffs. “It’s harabeoji that suits you well!”
“Yah you brat!!” Bang PD shouted at Sejin and throw a pen towards the younger. But Sejin managed to dodge the bullet and playfully stuck out his tongue.
“Emm guys??”
The bickering between the two ended at the interruption and both turned their head to see that everyone was ogling at them. Their face evidently shows how they were trying to hold their laughter, watching the twos arguing like a high school student.
“You two looks like an old couple married for twenty years and still arguing about who should do the dishes after dinner…” said Seokjin nonchalantly.
Sejin and Bang PD simultaneously let out a protesting groaned, giving each other a disgusting look before they heard a peal of laughter from the BTS members.
“I will not marry with someone perverted like PD-nim, ” Sejin mentioned sternly.
Bang PD looked at Sejin bewildered. “Yah! Who will ever marry someone who nags like an older woman?” he refutes.
“They do really likes those typical couples!” Hoseok whispered to Taehyung but still audible to the other members. They were burst into another fit of laughter and enjoy watching the two important men in BigHit continue to argue over a trivial matter.
In which later, Bang PD almost jumped from his chair when Namjoon had been calling him ‘abeoji’ and Sejin bawled his eyes at his exaggerating reaction.
Unknown to them, someone had been begrudgingly eavesdropping to their conversation outside the room. The fist was clenched in anger and he can’t hide his frustration that he has been left out in the meeting.
Sukhoon stares at the closed door, heart built with an enormous grudge listening to the happy laugh of every single person in the room.
“This won’t be long, Namjoon. You should taste your own medicine. Soon. Soon all this happiness will be gone! Let's the game begin!”
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Notes:
From now on, there will less fluff and more angst. You asked for it, you will get it!
Chapter 23: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔 𝙏𝙒𝙊
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Namjoon!"
Namjoon halted immediately at the umpteenth shouting, looking at Sungdeuk timidly. His whole body was sweating profusely after the two hours continuous dancing - practicing their new choreography for their comeback song 'Fake Love' and 'Idol'.
"Use your left feet! We've been going through the same routine for one hour already!" Sungdeuk let out his frustration at the leader.
Namjoon bites his lower lip and immediately bowed apologetically. He glanced at the rest of his teammates, feeling guilty when he saw their tired faces. They have been holding up for his sake. They didn't say anything or showing any angry expression for his constant mistakes but he still feels guilty for dragging them down.
The music starts again and Namjoon told to himself to be more focus. He tried his best not to repeat the same mistakes, be more careful with each step. But once again, he stumbles on his foot - collided with Jungkook.
Namjoon almost fell if Jungkook didn't grab his arm instantly. He'd noticed the concerned face of the maknae but avoided the stares. The music stopped and everyone's attention on him again. Namjoon sighed in exasperation, running through his hand over his damp hair.
"Namjoon, focus! You can't keep doing this. Think about your teammate. They had mastered the choreography before you. I know you just get better with your injury but it doesn't give you a reason to fall behind, right?" said Sungdeuk with a gruff voice.
Namjoon nodded his head weakly, listening to Sungdeuk's rant wholeheartedly. He didn't blame the elder though. He knows that he has all the reason to get mad. He had been resting for two weeks thus he should be more energetic than the other. But he just keeps slowing them down.
"On your spot again!" shouted Sungdeuk before he played 'Fake Love', blasting the music throughout the dance studio.
Namjoon flinched when someone pats on his shoulder. He turned his head and saw Hoseok had been looking at him with his signature hearty smile.
"Don't give up Joon-ah. You can do this, okay?"
Namjoon was touched at the kind gestures of the rapper. He knew that Hoseok always being serious about the dance and for him to be such an understanding makes him feel at ease. Momentarily.
And then the shouting continues.
"Namjoon!"
"Left foot!"
"Move your legs, Namjoon!"
"To the right, not left!"
"Seokjin can do it better than you!"
"Faster, Namjoon!"
"You missed the beat!"
Namjoon slumped on the dance floor with shirt soaking wet. He was panting out of breath. Everything was so hard to him and he can't perfect the dance at all. Sungdeuk gives him a cold stare and sternly said that he wanted Namjoon to stay behind for more practice.
Namjoon leaned on the floor, pulled his knees to the chest and closed his eyes tightly - trying to chase away the sore and ache all over his body. The comeback was set on the next week so he needs to pour up his effort more than the others. He didn't want to be the reason BTS need to postpone their comeback just because he failed to dance properly. That's was so unprofessional. A leader shouldn't do that.
Namjoon gasped when something cold pressed over his cheek, slowly opened his eyes. He tilted to the side and flashed a smile when he saw Yoongi - shoving the bottled water to him. He took it and chugged the cold water in one go. Damn, he didn't realize that he was so thirsty. His throat feels better and he feels a little bit refreshed.
Yoongi sits besides Namjoon, where his shoulder brushed together with Namjoon's. He can see the leader was having a hard day today. Everyone was concerned and had asked Yoongi to comfort the leader. Which he gives his murderous look at the rest before he went to Namjoon.
"Sungdeuk-nim didn't mean anything when he shouts at you. You know that he always been so serious when it comes to the dance..." Yoongi says smoothly.
Yoongi was trying to reasoning Sungdeuk's behavior to Namjoon. Like, he was afraid that Namjoon will misunderstand the performance director for hating Namjoon. Which is not the case. Everyone was so stressed about the comeback. Everything needs to be perfect before the day come.
Namjoon hummed at the explanation. His eyes were looking forward, at the staffs - packing up a few of the items on the floor before leaving the studio one by one.
"I know," Namjoon breathes out the words, sounded like he was whispering. He was so drained that he didn't even have the energy to talk.
"I just feel that after all these years, how come I'm still bad at dancing. I should be better, right? But today... everything was so messed up and I just can't - can't..." he continues as the heavy emotion started to clouded his mind.
"Joon-ah..." Yoongi interrupts Namjoon's rambling. He grabbed Namjoon's hand and squeezed it lightly. Yoongi glanced at Namjoon, taking his silence as the hint for him to continue to speak.
"Don't say that. You've done the best you could. It's just that today was not the best day for you. Everyone gets through the same shit. Sometimes everything was going so fine but on another day it's all over the place...." Yoongi said with a calm voice.
Namjoon sighed deeply and dangled down his head - staring at Yoongi's small hand over his. "As a leader, I shouldn't be like that, hyung. As a leader, I should set a good example for my bandmates. As the leader..."
"A leader also a human being, Joon. You are deemed to make mistakes and to feel down. You're not a robot. You can't make everything right like it has been programmed into your brain..." Yoongi refutes.
"I thought we had enough discussion about this before."
Namjoon lifts up his head and Hoseok was standing in front of him with a crossed arm to his waist. His face looks intense as if something or someone had made him infuriates. Namjoon swallowed hard realizing that maybe the reason was him.
"Stop all these depreciating thoughts in your genius brain, Namjoon. You have something more important to do rather than moping for something not even existed." Hoseok said sternly.
Namjoon shuddered at the seriousness evidently shown in Hoseok's voice. He can feel Yoongi's hand squeezing his shoulder, giving him the strength that he really needs.
Namjoon was taken aback a little bit when Hoseok crouched down in front of him, showing his hearty smile. Hoseok looks so handsome with his damp hair and his flushed face.
"And baby have you ever saw how you move your hips in Idol? Hips don't lie baby!" notes Hoseok playfully and a peal of laughter erupted in the studio by the other members.
Namjoon's face flushed with red out of embarrassment, hiding his face under his hand. He didn't know why he gets the introduction part of the Idol song. He was so embarrassed at first when he saw the choreography and how he needs to move his hips like that.
"You know what darling? You hadn't been in little space for the whole week and maybe it's the reasons why you have all these weird imaginary thought. So, let's go back home and take a nice warm bath and you can play with Ryan while watching Moana. Okay?"
Hoseok was prying over Namjoon, trying to coax the leader to regress into the little space. It's almost a week that Namjoon hasn't been a little because of their busy schedules. They had been practicing a lot as the comeback preparation. Once they got back to the dorm, they were basically too tired and go to sleep instantly.
Namjoon's eyes beaming at the mention of Moana, one of his favorite cartoon. Well, of course, he likes Sailormoon the most but Moana was in the list too. But Namjoon was hesitating. He had been forcing himself not to be a little for the week because of the tight schedules. He didn't want to play around when there's a lot of things to do for their comeback.
"But-but hyung...we need to..."
"Come on Joonie. Let's watch the movie together. Everyone needs a break and we miss little Joonie, " coaxed Yoongi while he discreetly winked at Hoseok. Both had planned this earlier with the others.
Hoseok smiles before he pats Namjoon's hand on his knees. "You see, we will sit around the living room, and appa will cook something delicious for you..."
Namjoon perked up at the mentioned of food. His stomach automatically grumbles and he grinned shyly. "Nugget?" he asked with a low tone. Slowly regressed, but Namjoon didn't aware of that at all. It was an on-off feeling.
Hoseok nods immediately. "Yes you can have dino nugget..." he cocked his head towards Seokjin where the eldest looking at him murderously for agreeing at the request.
Seokjin wasn't so keen to feed Namjoon with nuggets all the time - even if it is little Namjoon's favorite. Hoseok squinted his eyes towards Seokjin, pleading the male to be more cooperative. He makes a funny face and Seokjin grunts before he agreed. Giving an 'okay' sign to the rapper.
"Wif evewyone?" asked Namjoon in a slurred speech, eyes averted towards the rest of his members one by one before fixated back to Hoseok.
"Yes, darling. With everyone..." affirmed Hoseok.
Namjoon took a few seconds to think about the deal. Eyes quiver around the large dance studio. He was fiddling with his fingers, feeling restless. There's something is holding him up.
"But-but dance?" he asked sadly.
Hoseok exchanged a meaningful gaze with Yoongi before the oldest rapper took out his phone and typing something on it. They remained silent for a few minutes before Yoongi's phone dinged with a notification.
"Well, Sungdeuk-nim agreed for you to have a rest today and continue the practice tomorrow afternoon, " told Yoongi with a gummy smile. Feeling relieved that Sungdeuk agrees to give the break to Namjoon after he explained the situation.
Sungdeuk: Ok. He can practice the dance tomorrow. But I want a picture where Namjoon in his onesie with his pacifier!
Yoongi let out a small scoff and rolled his eyes at the odd request but agreed to it after all. He knew everyone was swooning over little Namjoon.
"But Joo-Joonie can't dance and-and ahjussi wan Joonie to pwactice!" refute Namjoon, pouting his lips.
"No ahjussi said it's okay for today..." explained Hoseok further.
Namjoon's shoulder slump down still didn't feel at ease to slacking off today. He can't be selfish just to fulfill his desire to be little. He admits that he feels stressed past few days because of the hectic schedule. Besides the non-stop dance practices, he needs to attend tons of meeting with various people in the company about their schedules.
It's almost midnight when he went home and his body was too sluggish to think about anything - immediately fallen asleep once his head touched the pillow. Wake up so early in the morning, his whole body becomes so stiff and it's affected his movement. His dance was all over the places, he couldn't be focused at all.
He really needs a little break. But his mind was working in hyperdrive - thinking everything that needs to be sorted out before next week. There's a lot of works and taking a break will only slowing down the progress.
"Joonie...Joonie..." Hoseok sing-song the name as in the famous nursery rhymes Johnny - immediately put a stopover Namjoon's reverie.
Namjoon instantly giggles, feeling giddy all over his stomach like thousands of butterfly roaming around. "Yes papa!" he sings the song back sheepishly, cocking his head to the side cutely.
Everyone was cooing over his cute reply.
"Let's go home and watch Moana, okay?" Hoseok said.
Namjoon didn't wait for a second before nodding his head with enthusiasm. Fully regressed into the little space.
Hoseok sighed in relieved. It wasn't too hard to trigger Namjoon's little space when he is already in stressful states. But for him to be a little this fast was quiet concerning too. Hoseok notices the same concern look over Yoongi's face.
Everyone gathers their belonging together before Yoongi pulled up Namjoon's lanky body on his feet. The little already bouncing happily, can't wait to watch his favorite movie.
Jimin put Namjoon's coat over his body and the little immediately hugged his dada, clinging to him like a koala. Jimin puffed his cheek at the sudden weight over his waist, legs swaying a little bit before Jungkook helps him - holding his back to stabilize his feet.
"Thanks, Kookie!" he grimaced funnily at the maknae and Kookie laughed at the humorous expression.
"Do you want me to hold him then? You look like you're going to break into two hyung," offered Jungkook while teasing the small vocalist.
Jimin groaned in annoyance. "I can do this you punk! Don't underestimate the power of..."
"Jam-less Jimin?" Jungkook mentioned in sarcasm, wiggling his brows comically.
"Yah you brat!!" Jimin shouted at Jungkook when the maknae already sprinted out from the dance studio - knowing that Jimin will scold him for saying that. He can hear Jungkook boisterous laugh on the hallway.
Namjoon woke up that morning with a grouchy mood. He feels lethargic after the strenuous dance practices for the whole week. He rubs his sleepy eyes with his paw, grabbing his Ryan before he strides out heading to the kitchen.
He can hear a few chatting and he pouted when he saw all his caregivers already seated on the table. His appa was still busy frying something in the pan.
Namjoon took his seat with a loud huff, alerting all his caregivers. Everyone was so happy to see him, shot up from their chairs and give him a chaste peck on his cheek - noticing his sleepy face with messy bed-hair. His white shirt was too big for him and probably it was Seokjin's - his left shoulder peeking through the large shirt.
"Joonie was awone!" he exclaimed in frustration that he wakes up without anyone on his side. It makes him feels more bitter.
Jimin cooed over the cuteness, pinching his chubby cheeks playfully. Namjoon winced in pain and glared at his dada angrily.
"Sorry baby. We thought you need more sleep before our practice this afternoon..." Jimin explained.
"Joonie no pwactice! Joonie wanna stay home!" Namjoon said.
Everyone was shocked to hear that from Namjoon. Seokjin immediately turns off the stove and approached the leader. He can see the confused faces of his members.
"Joonie? What's wrong?" Seokjin asked with a soft voice.
Namjoon tilted his head towards Seokjin. "Joonie no wan pwactice. Joonie wanna pway!" Namjoon said with a rising voice.
Seokjin furrowed his brows. "Joonie... you know that you need to go for practice today right? Ahjussi had given you the break yesterday and we were having a good time together last night too."
"Appa's right Joonie. We need to go to practice today. You can play afterward though. Okay?" Taehyung further said, ruffling the already messy bed-hair of the little.
Namjoon huffed but says nothing about it. He was obviously sulking. He didn't even give a look towards his caregivers when the food ready on the table. And everyone chooses to ignore him, thinking that he already understands the situation.
Namjoon stares at the food in front of him and has a sullen face when there's no nugget. He had asked his appa last night for nugget and he agreed to make it for him today.
"Nugget?" he asked innocently.
Seokjin was flustered when he realized that he forgot about it. Moreover, there's no more nugget in the fridge. He had used everything last night.
"Ah, about that. Appa sorry Joonie. There's no nugget in the fridge. Appa forgets to buy it. But it's okay, I'll make it for you after our practice. Okay?" tell Seokjin, a little bit guilty to let the little down.
"Eat the pancake for breakfast and you will have the nugget tonight, " said Yoongi when he saw Namjoon's sour face.
Namjoon looks at his plate, gritting his teeth in anger. He shoved the plate far from him, making a clanking noise when the plate collided with a bowl - spilling the soup on the table.
A loud gasped erupted around the table with a few murmurs from everyone. They were surprised to see Namjoon's been acting up. This is the first time for the little to be so moody and grumpy.
Seokjin sighed. "Joonie, don't do that. It's rude, okay?"
Namjoon eyes on his appa, batting his eyelashes without breaking the eye contact. "Joonie wan nugget!!" he screamed.
Seokjin and the others jolted from their chairs - apparently shocked at the outburst. Seokjin glanced at Yoongi, asking the male to say something.
Yoongi bawled his eyes in irritation. "Why you always asked me to do this? I'm not the eomma for God sake!" he rebukes angrily.
Seokjin smacked his forearm, making the petite rapper to yelp in pain. "I'm not the eomma too Yoongi. You are the daddy, you have the veto power in this. Come on!" he gushes, pushing the male's forearm gently.
Yoongi groaned before he averted his attention back to Namjoon. "Joonie listen to appa. You'll get the nugget tonight. For now, eat the pancakes, " he said with an authoritative tone.
Namjoon cowered at the low and deep tone, clutching his Ryan to his chest tightly. He knew he should be listening to his daddy at this rate, but he was too stubborn because he's not in the mood to bargain anything this morning.
Namjoon shook his head before he speaks firmly. "No! No pancake. Nugget only!"
"Don't be a brat Joonie!" Yoongi scolded the little.
Namjoon lips tremble at the accusation, feeling sad that his daddy had called him a brat for asking his favorite nugget. His eyes glistening as he stares at his daddy.
"Joonie no eat!" he shouted so loud that everyone was shocked once again.
Namjoon shot up from the chair trying to go back to his room. But Seokjin managed to grab his forearm and turned his body a little bit rough.
"What is this Joonie? You've been rude to daddy and appa. This is not a good way to behave. You know that, right?" notes Seokjin. He almost retreats himself from scolding the little when he saw the puddle of tears in his eyes but Seokjin knows he couldn't let this slide.
"Joonie wan nugget. No wanna pwactice. Wanna stay home!" Namjoon repeats his request with a shaking voice. Tears started to roll down to his chubby cheek.
"I know you are tired. Everyone does. But this is not the right thing to do Joonie. You are being rude and this is unacceptable. I-I have to punish you, " said Seokjin with a stern voice.
Namjoon eyes widen at the threat, shaking his head wildly. "No!!! Joonie no wrong!"
Seokjin sighed. "Yes, you are young man. You need to apologize to me and daddy and the rest for acting up just now..."
Namjoon looks at his appa incredulously before he darted his eyes towards his other caregivers. Everyone was looking at him and he shuddered to see the cold gazes.
"No!" Namjoon protested, stomping his feet on the floor.
"Kim Namjoon!"
Namjoon body jerked up at the mentioned of his full name by Yoongi. He starts to sobs when everyone looks so angry at him.
"Enough young man. You need a time-out!" said Seokjin and dragged the little towards the corner of the living room. He forcefully moved Namjoon's shoulder to face the wall.
"You will stand here for ten minutes and think about your wrongdoing. If you still refuse to apologize then another ten minutes. Do you understand?"
Namjoon head dangled down to the floor, didn't answer to Seokjin's question. He refused to do so because he was confident that he had done nothing wrong. He just wants nugget for breakfast and to stay at home because he was too tired. That's all.
Namjoon squeaked in horror when Seokjin snatched away his Ryan. He looks at his appa with his doe eyes.
"No Ryan until then!"
Namjoon was crying out loud. "Wyan! No! Appa, wan Wyan!"
Seokjin's heart clenched at the sad pleading but he needs to be more firm in this matter. He needs to educate little Namjoon that he can't have everything he wants and he shouldn't act like a brat when he didn't get one. That's not how life is.
"NO!" Seokjin said. "And don't move if you didn't want a longer time out..." he continues when Namjoon tries to move.
"Ap-appa...Wyan..."
"I won't give Ryan to you if you still act like this!"
Namjoon continues to cry, face facing the wall - standing with a wobbly leg. He keeps chanted his Ryan. His face already crimson red, soaking wet with tears.
"Hyung?"
Seokjin turned and saw the maknae line was looking at him with sad faces.
"Is it okay for us to do this? He was crying..." asked Taehyung, a little bit concerned about Namjoon.
"We never punished him before and to see him like that, its too painful, hyung, " tell Jimin. And Jungkook nods his head in agreement with his two hyungs.
Seokjin sighed with dismay evidently shown on his face. "That's why we need to do this. We can't let him escape each time he throws a tantrum. We already agreed with this right? And this is the perfect time to do it..." explained Seokjin.
"But hyung..."
"Jin's doing the right thing Jimin. Namjoon needs punishment. " Yoongi interrupts when he saw Jimin was trying to protest.
"I agree with Jin and Yoongi, " added Hoseok.
The maknae remained silence and have to agree with their hyung on this. Despite they feel pity for Namjoon, but he really needs the punishment for being a brat.
And later that morning.
"Ap-appa, Da-daddy...Joonie so-sowie..."
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Notes:
A little bit fluff and angst before we take a roller coaster ride of emotion on the next chapters.
Chapter 24: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀
Notes:
The timeline of concerts, show, interviews or other BTS activities might not be in order.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon was running around the plane, back and forth while the members watching at him with fond eyes. The little was being hyperactive since they take off, couldn’t sleep because he’s too excited to ride the plane in his little space.
They were on their way to the US to perform at America's Got Talent. Everyone was enthusiast that they were able to get the opportunity to perform in such a big stage. This is another stepping stone for BTS to be on the map of the western entertainment industries.
It’s really a hectic schedule after they had released their new album Love Yourself: Answer. After promoting their album in Korea, they were going to overseas for the same. And then they will be on the world tour again.
“Daddy! Wook! Wook! It’s cotton candy!!” exclaimed Namjoon with the pacifier in his mouth and his favorite Ryan plush securely tug under his left arm.
Yoongi let out a soft chuckle and his hand reached for Namjoon's silver hair – ruffling it until it becomes messy. “Don’t you want to sleep, baby? You’ve been playing for two hours already,” he said.
Namjoon instantly shook his head. “No – no daddy! Joonie wanna pway!” he gushes while bouncing on his feet.
“He’s really excited for today, hyung. He has never been in a little space whenever we travel to the overseas. This is his first time to be a little in a plane…” says Taehyung.
Yoongi tilted his head towards the vocalist – sitting beside him. He had his signature boxy smile while he watched his leader running to the back to pester Jimin and Hoseok.
“Yeah, he barely can sleep last night. He keeps asking me when the sun will come out and at what time are we going to the airport…” told Yoongi as he rubbed his tired face.
Namjoon keeps knocking on his door that night, asking when will they go to the airport. After he said at eight in the morning the little left to sleep. But then he came again two hours later, banging his door asking whether it’s eight already.
Little Namjoon can’t read the time. Yoongi had kept that in his mind. But to be constantly harassed in the middle of the night until five almost makes him lose his patience. But he didn’t have the gut to scold the little when he appeared in front of his room looking so adorable. He was smiling to the ears, hair was messy and sucking his pacifier.
Yoongi was swooning over Namjoon so he let the little to do whatever he wants. Which later makes the rest of the members to grunt at him for scolding them whenever they disturbed his sleep. Can’t blame Yoongi for that. Namjoon is his precious baby so he deserved the special treatment.
“Taetae! Taetae-oppa! Are we there yet?” the little comes to Taehyung with his cute dimpled-smile.
Taehyung softly chuckles at his antics. “Not yet darling. I think you need to take a nap, Joonie…”
Namjoon pouted. “No! Joonie wants – want to see the sky... No nappies!” he whined.
“This is the reason why you shouldn’t let him had the gummy bears for breakfast! He’s been so hyperactive!” comments Seokjin as he glared at Taehyung.
Taehyung cocked his head, looking at Seokjin. He rolled his eyes when he saw RJ was seated comfortably on the seat besides Seokjin. What a weird hyung!
“Hyung he had been running all over the house chasing me for that gummy! It’s terrifying! When I put the jar on the top of the cabinet, you know exactly how that super fleshy long leg with the super long hand can reach for it easily!” Taehyung said exasperatedly.
Seokjin scoffs at the answer. “You’re just giving an excuse for you to get away, Tae…”
“Appa – appa! When – when we will meet Iron – Ironman??” the little asked in excitement interrupting the elder's talk.
Seokjin, Yoongi, and Taehyung frowned at the question. “Ironman?” the three asked in confusion.
“Where this Ironman came from??” Seokjin queried. A frown curved on his forehead.
Jungkook sheepishly grinned and raised his hand. “Well, when he woke up this morning, he’s a little bit grumpy. When I said 'grumpy' that’s mean grumpier than Yoongi-hyung...aww!” Jungkook turned his head to look at Yoongi.
Yoongi shot a glare at him after he smacks the young vocalist with the pillow on his face. Seokjin laughed watching the two and Jungkook stick out his tongue at Yoongi playfully.
“Okay, back to my story. So when he refused to take bath and we already late – I accidentally said that Ironman had been waiting for him at the airport...” continued Jungkook as he let out a nervous chuckle.
Seokjin facepalms himself at the statement. “You did realize that once we landed he will ask for Ironman? He won’t easily forget about this Jungkook. You make an empty promise...”
Yoongi chided at the maknae. “You are answerable if he throws a tantrum at the airport, Jungkook,” he pointed his finger begrudgingly at Jungkook.
“When? When we gonna meet Ironman? I want – wanna see Ironman!” Namjoon excitedly interrupted the conversation. His face was beaming so bright thinking that he was able to see Ironman with his own eyes.
Seokjin and Yoongi smirked at the question, giving their smug face on Jungkook. “Your call!” they said almost in unison.
Jungkook groaned in frustration. “Uggh, help me hyung!” he desperately begged for his hyung to cover up for his mistake.
Seokjin bawled his eyes. “You are on your own Jungkook.” And Yoongi nods his head, in agreement with Seokjin. He ignored the sullen expression of the maknae and closed his eyes – going to sleep since it will take another eight hours before they landed.
“Hyung!!”
“Hyungie! Hyungie! Ironman will be there, wight?” Namjoon shakes Jungkook shoulder when Jungkook didn’t pay any attention to him.
Jungkook groaned and hide his face with one of his hands. He can hear how his two hyung was mockingly laughed at him. His shoulder has been shaken by the little once again when he didn’t answer him yet. Jungkook lifted his head and try his best to smile at Namjoon.
“Maybe…” he answered hesitantly.
Namjoon's face fell at instances, gawking at Jungkook with a deep frown. “B-but you said he – he will be waiting for Joonie!” he exclaimed, a little bit whining while his lower lips protruding.
“Yeah hyungie, you promise Ironman will be at the airport to welcome us!” teased Yoongi with his smug face.
Jungkook glared at the oldest rapper but Yoongi unable to see it because he was wearing his eye-guard. But his lips twitched into a smirk as if he can see Jungkook's eyes.
“No Ironman?”
Jungkook tilted his head to see Namjoon and his heart immediately dropped to the pit of his stomach when he saw the hazelnut eyes glazed in tears. Jungkook immediately shot up from his seat and hugged the almost crying leader.
“Please don’t cry Joonie. Well, actually Ironman just called me and said he had something urgent to attend. I mean he’s going to save the world so he can’t come and see us…” lied Jungkook smoothly. His hand was rubbing the back of the little in a circle.
Namjoon sniffs and detached himself from Jungkook. “Saf – saf the world? Weally?” he asked innocently.
Jungkook nods. “Yeah, he’s a busy man, Joonie. He’s trying to get rid of the bad people so that they won’t come and attack us…”
Namjoon gasped and he tightens his arm around his favorite Ryan. “Oh no! Ironman need to hewp us hyungie! Joonie ish scawed!” he gushes.
Jungkook let out a soft chuckle at the words. He ruffled on Namjoon's hair tenderly. “Yeah, Ironman is going to protect us…”
Namjoon grinned happily. “Daddy! Appa! Ironman ish – ish going to pwo – pwotect us fwom the bad people!!” he said chirpily, looking at his caregivers with his shining doe eyes.
Seokjin burst into small laughter and Yoongi smiles listening to the little cute tiny voice. Jungkook whisper-yelled a ‘yes’ while he fisted his hand on the air. Happy that he managed to convince the little with his white lies.
“You’re lucky that he easily believes in your stupid story, Jungkook!” mumbled Yoongi sleepily.
“He’s a baby and that story was very convincing - well to him of course…” adds Seokjin as he bawled his eyes in annoyance.
“I’m a genius!” he self-proclaimed and Jungkook stuck out his tongue when Seokjin and Yoongi let out a disgruntled sound. Obviously, disagree with their golden maknae.
Being in the US, promoting their new album was exciting yet tiresome. The non-stop interviews and broadcasting had made the members barely had a break. They only can sleep for three to four hours a day before they need to rush for their next schedules. Everyone was sullen and became lethargic at the end of the day.
Namjoon had being affected the worst. He really loves to be in the talk show or attending to interviews – promoting their album as well as expanding the k-pop influence on the western countries.
But being the only one who is fluent in English – he’ll do most of the talk and sometimes help the members to translate the questions and later translating the answer given to the interviewer. Jungkook is learning a foreign language. He was being adamant to help the leader but he's still nervous to speaks and need more time to brush up his English.
Being fluent in English, his members relied on so much. And Namjoon was happy doing so for his members. But sometimes it doesn't go well with the plan. It's rarely happened but sometimes his brain became blank while translating. He was buffering for a few seconds before he managed to translate every single word - stammering a little bit.
They had the translator with them but it seems Namjoon had taken the responsibility subconsciously. Most of the time its Namjoon who had taken the role as the translator. Sometimes it really makes the member feel so frustrated. The translator just sits there together with BTS, didn't speak at all.
They can see how Namjoon had been doing the triple works and it’s started to get out of hand. They can see the tired face of their beloved leader and how he was struggling with his own words.
And it’s happening again when Namjoon freezes for almost a minute. The members were constantly glancing over him, feeling restless looking at the leader. They can see how Namjoon's was thinking so hard, gnawing his lower lips. His jawline was moving tightly and his eyes quiver nervously.
Namjoon was dumbfounded for a second, thinking what’s the appropriate words to translate Jimin's answer. The question was so simple. About their dating preferences. And Jimin had given his answer – short and simple too. But somehow Namjoon's brain stop functioning. He was blanked out, stuttering in his speech as his hand flailing in the air – he was panicking.
“Well…” he’s been saying that for a few times in a row already. “…you know…” he trailed off a little bit. “he said that – “ he still couldn’t find the correct words in English and Namjoon starts to have a cold sweat.
Everyone keeps glancing at him through their peripheral visions. Hoseok who had been sitting besides Namjoon notices how the leader was struggling. Hoseok can see Namjoon's hand was shaking and sweats start to form on the side of his head. Hoseok then averted his eyes towards the translator, hired by BigHit – doing nothing except sitting in front of them and let Namjoon do the talk.
Hoseok clicked his tongue before he pats on Namjoon's thigh. Namjoon flinched and tilted his head to see the rapper. Hoseok grits his teeth when he can see Namjoon's panic face.
“I didn’t know the exact words and my mind didn’t work properly…” Namjoon whispered to Hoseok while nervously chuckles to hide his embarrassment.
Hoseok then snatched the microphone on Namjoon's hand before he turned his gaze towards their translator with a sharp stare. “Why don’t you translate it for us, it’s your job! Can’t you see that he needs the help?? Do your job properly!” he scolds the translator in Korean while he maintains his smile to the host.
The members had goosebumps seeing the rapper's outburst and his odd expression. They know not to mess with Hoseok if he wore such face. That’s mean he’s going to kill somebody – literally.
The translator gulped at the intimidating aura, quickly translated the answer given by Jimin. Namjoon sighed in disappointment that he wasn’t able to execute his role as the leader perfectly.
“You need a break, Namjoon…” whispered Hoseok.
Namjoon’s body stiffens at the statement, slowly shook his head. “It's my job as a leader. I’m afraid that the translator failed to deliver the essence of the member's answer like I did. His job is to translate words by words but it’s my job to translate based on our member's real emotion…” he answered without looking at Hoseok.
“You’ve been harsh towards yourself. Let loose a little bit and let the translator do his job. We don’t want the company to pay him for nothing… it’s such a waste!”
Namjoon didn’t say anything as he didn’t want to argue with Hoseok in front of everyone. Not that he was angry at Hoseok, he just thought that he wasn’t in his best shape today. Maybe the tight schedules had started to take a toll against his body and mind. Maybe Hoseok was right. He needs to rest a little bit.
Namjoon rubbed his face roughly, trying to chase away the sleepiness that starts to torture him. He didn’t sleep for more than twenty-four hours – attending shows, interviews, and meetings. While the members will go straight to their hotel's room after their schedule ended, he needs to stay back for meetings with the staff for the next day schedules.
Namjoon diligently jotted down all the information about the next schedules so that he can brief his members later. His eyelids feel so heavy and he was thinking about his bed. How his body was sore and his muscles feel tight – he really needs to lie down; at least for fifteen minutes.
Namjoon glanced at his watch and sighed when he saw it's almost two in the morning. That’s mean he had been in the meeting room for two hours already. And he can see everyone's was on the edge and how the fatigues evidently shown on their faces.
Namjoon let out a heavy sighed. The staffs had the same burden as he is. Namjoon couldn’t let himself to let out his frustration when everyone was working as hard as he was. He needs to show his gratitude for their hard works too. Despite being too tired and in need of rest so bad, Namjoon just hangs on and went through the meeting half-heartedly.
It’s 2.30 in the morning when he walked into the hotel and almost dragged his feet to his room. Namjoon squinted his eyes towards the hallway where he notices someone is standing in front of his room. His vision was blurry since he didn’t wear his contact lens and he left his glasses in his room.
Namjoon sighed before he approached the said male and his eyes widen in shocked to see him in person. “Suk – Sukhoon-ssi?” He couldn’t believe himself when he saw Sukhoon was here – in the US particularly.
Sukhoon shouldn’t be here at all. He wasn’t included in the entourage for BTS tour in the US. He was responsible for BTS’s schedule in Korea and it was two weeks later. So what’s the new manager is doing here?
“Hey, Namjoon… miss me?” Sukhoon greeted the leader with his smug face.
Namjoon feels his throat a little bit dry when he swallowed, and his heart was pounding in nervousness. “Wh – what are you doing here?” he asked.
Sukhoon chuckles at the question. He can see how nervous Namjoon was. And somehow it makes him feel happy. It’s always a euphoric moment to see the suffering of the young man.
“Well, Bang PD-nim wants me to learn from Sejin on how to handle your busy schedules in overseas. It's a great chance that I need to grab, so here I am. And I think it’s important for me to meet and greet you first before the others. You always know that you’re my favorite in BTS…” says Sukhoon. His honesty was questionable though.
Namjoon frowned but he was too tired to argue with Sukhoon. He just wants to take a shower and go to sleep as fast as he can.
“I’m too tired for all this, Sukhoon-ssi. Can’t you wait till morning before you’re trying to mess with me?” Namjoon says with his weak and tired voice. He runs his fingers over his hair, sighing in frustration with the unexpected visit.
Sukhoon grits his teeth as his eyes turn into hawk-eye; staring at Namjoon with anger. “Wow, Namjoon. After two weeks you had the gut to talk back to me. This is new. I shouldn’t let you feel so relax for too long, right?”
Namjoon holds his breath at the threat. “What do you want from me, Sukhoon-ssi? Can you just please tell me and stop beating around the bush? No need to drag it and let’s settle whatever problem you have with me…” Namjoon says, almost lost his patience in dealing with Sukhoon's antic.
Sukhoon snickered at the rants, looking at Namjoon begrudgingly. He slowly moves a step forward. Namjoon was taken aback at the sudden act and let out a shuddering breath.
“I want you to pay for your sin, Kim Namjoon!” states Sukhoon venomously. He had been repeating himself since day one, the reason why he likes to torture Namjoon.
Namjoon arched his brows in confusion. He didn’t know which sin been referred by Sukhoon. In fact, he doesn’t even know whether he ever committed any sin towards Sukhoon.
“Just tell me the truth, Sukhoon-ssi. I don’t want to play any game with you. Don’t you feel tired of doing this? I’m not interested to be in this cat and mouse game…” said Namjoon in exasperation.
Sukhoon chided, feeling annoyed at how calm Namjoon been dealing with his behavior. “Maybe if you use your genius brain, you can find the answer you were looking for, Namjoon. Or maybe you were just too hypocrite to admit that you’d done something worst before. You were just trying to forget your dark past!" accused Sukhoon.
Namjoon looks at Sukhoon bewildered. The accusation was baseless. Sukhoon was trying to play with his emotion. Sukhoon just wants to manipulate his conscience. Sukhoon just having fun watching him suffering in this game. His malicious intention was self-evident.
“If you’re going to be this vague for the whole time, I don’t have time to entertain you, Sukhoon-ssi!” Namjoon notes with a stern voice. His hand rolled down the knob of his room, trying to ignore the manager.
Namjoon let out a small yelp when Sukhoon grabbed his arm and turned his body in force. His eyes widen in shocked at the attitude, gawking at Sukhoon utterly annoyed.
“Don’t be too sassy, Kim Namjoon-ssi. You will not like the consequences and you’ll regret giving this shit to me!” spats Sukhoon in anger. His eyes were red.
Namjoon try to pull away from his hand but the handgrip was too strong – he can feel how Sukhoon's nails buried in his flesh. He groaned thinking that it will cause bruises later and their stylist won’t like the fact if he needs to wear a sleeveless shirt for a performance.
“Then just tell me what the hell you want from me!” Namjoon whisper-yelled in frustration because he had done in tolerating with Sukhoon's antic.
Sukhoon was surprised to see the little anger. He then let out a half-suppressed laugh, feeling amused to see how Namjoon had put a small fight. He didn’t expect the leader to show his courageous out of sudden. Instead of mad, he feels intrigued. The game he started before seems to get more interesting.
“Well, Namjoon-ssi… you get what you’ve asked for. Don’t blame me then…” Sukhoon mentioned with an evil smile.
Namjoon brows puckered at the statement didn’t understand what is the male trying to deliver. Actually, he never truly understand the new manager. Sukhoon is really mysterious, surrounded by a dark and evil aura. Namjoon didn’t feel comfortable to be around the male even for a second.
Sukhoon let go of his grip and he scoffs when he saw how Namjoon's hissed and rubbing his sore arm.
“I do understand your concern, Namjoon-ssi. Being an idol is really hard, especially when you were worldwide famous. Lots of things you need to do and as the leader, you bear the heaviest burden than the others…”
Namjoon raised one of his brows at the sudden speech, looking at Sukhoon with a quizzical look. “Wh – what?”
“Promoting your group in western countries were very challenging and the fact that none of you knows how to speak English – it will be a mitigating factor to earn recognition from the media. And BTS was lucky to have you as the leader because of your self-thought English. You had become their unofficial spoke person and been doing a lot of interviews on their behalf.”
Namjoon didn’t understand where this conversation is going. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It is understandable that you feel tired of doing the job all by yourself, without the help of your bandmates. And of course, at one point you wished that the rest of the members can help you by learning some basic English…”
Namjoon shook his head in disagreement. “I – I never had –“
“I know it’s hard when the rest were having a good rest meanwhile you still need to attend some meetings till late at night. I do understand if you think it’s unfair because you had done so many works and you deserved the rest more than they do…”
“What? I didn’t say –“
“It's okay if you feel frustrated with your own members, Namjoon-ssi. I do understand the feeling…”
Namjoon didn’t know why and what’s the purpose of Sukhoon been telling him this but it’s not true at all. He never felt that way towards his bandmates. It’s his job as the leader and he had fun doing all these. It was never a burden to him. He might be feeling tired at one time but it’s worth it. He never feels anger or holds any grudge towards his members because he knows they were willing to help him if he ever asked them to.
“I never feel –“
“Is it true hyung?”
Namjoon flinched at the intervention, slowly turned his body. Namjoon eyes widen in horror when he saw Taehyung and Jungkook were standing behind him with a sad expression. Their eyes were glassy as they stare at the leader.
“Is it true that you were frustrated by doing all the interviews alone?” Asked Jungkook with a shaken voice.
Namjoon shook his head vigorously. “No! No Kookie… I didn’t –“
“You should tell us if you didn’t want to do that, Namjoon-hyung. We didn’t know that you feel this way…” says Taehyung, obviously hurt with what he had heard just now.
“No, Taehyung. Listen, it’s not what you think. Actually –“
“We’re sorry for being so oblivious about your feeling, hyung!” Jungkook interrupted Namjoon's speech.
Namjoon almost screamed in frustration that he didn’t have the chance to explain anything. He didn’t want his members to misunderstand everything. He needs to clear up this mess.
“Tae, Kookie, please listen to me…”
“I think all of you should get a rest first and have a talk tomorrow. Everyone is tired and not in right mind at this moment…” Sukhoon came forward and stands in between of the three.
“But – but –"
“Maybe. Sorry for interrupting you guys!” said Taehyung. He ignored the pleading eyes of his leader and immediately dragged Jungkook through the hallway.
“Tae! Jungkook!” Namjoon called his members but the two didn’t turn their head for once. Namjoon strokes his hair to the back in frustration.
“Why are you doing this, Sukhoon-ssi???” Namjoon shouted at the new manager.
Sukhoon turned his body and facing Namjoon with a smug face. “As I said, you got what've you asked for…”
Namjoon growled at the answer. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you doing this to me??”
Sukhoon laughed. “It’s your job to find out, Namjoon!”
Namjoon murderously stares at Sukhoon, almost lurches forward and punched his face. But he knows it didn't do him any good. Sukhoon purposely trying to provoke him. Namjoon didn’t want to give what've Sukhoon expected from him.
Sukhoon lips move upward and slowly approaching Namjoon. He can see how the male was holding his breath. Sukhoon feels amused at the reaction.
“This is the first strike, Kim Namjoon-ssi. You’ve seen nothing yet!” said Sukhoon venomously and he slowly pats on Namjoon's cold cheek.
Namjoon’s heart was pounding so hard inside his ribcage. His legs were shaking and when Sukhoon leaves him alone, Namjoon immediately rushed to his room and slammed the door. Namjoon’s body slides down to the floor as he fell with a loud thud. He clutched his fist into a tight ball, eyes glistening with tears.
“Wha – what he want from me??”
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Notes:
Sorry for the long break and I had my attention back to write this. I hope I can update this book as frequent as I want. I'm trying but don't be too hopeful though.
Sukhoon had struck again and this time he won't stop at any cost. So get ready and buckle up. We are going to have a bumpy ride of heavy angst in the future.
Chapter 25: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙍
Notes:
The timeline of concerts, show, interviews or other BTS activities might not be in order.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon didn’t know that the situation turns out to be worst within two days. After the encounter with Sukhoon that night, he has no chance to explain himself to Taehyung and Jungkook yet. Their busy and tight schedules had refrained him from doing so and the two maknaes had been avoiding him since.
It’s frustrating for Namjoon that he wasn’t able to deal with the problem as fast as he wanted to. And Sukhoon had been a real pain in the ass. He had been eyeing on every Namjoon's move like a predator. He was everywhere and each time he wanted to have a decent talk with Taehyung and Jungkook, Sukhoon will appear out of nowhere to interrupt.
BTS is in the midst of preparing for their world tour concerts and within that time they also need to attend various music awards as well as a few interviews. Namjoon couldn’t find the perfect time to converse with his members and he realized that the longer he set aside the problem, the worst it can be.
Namjoon steals a glance towards Taehyung and Jungkook, while the two were busy playing with their phones on the couch. The stylist noona was applying make-up to him, getting ready for their performance in a famous show; The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. In addition to that, they will sit down for an interview after their performance. It’s a nerve-racking experience and everyone is nervous right now.
Even the waiting room was booming with all the chattering sound, Namjoon can feel the stiffness in the air – especially with the two maknaes. Namjoon was fidgeting while the stylist touch-up his face with the foundation. He was counting on his head as to when the stylist will do her final touch on his face. He really needs to talk with the two by today. He wants to clear up all the misunderstanding.
“There you go…”
Namjoon mouthed a silent thank you at the stylist before he clumsily trudged over Taehyung and Jungkook – almost stumble on his own feet. He’s standing awkwardly in front of two but none of them had taken a look at him – even for a second. He curled his toes inside his shoes meanwhile both of his hand clasps together out of nervousness.
“Tae-ah, Kookie – I want – want to talk with you two…” he starts the conversation with a stammering speech. Obviously anxious facing the two.
Neither Taehyung or Jungkook lifts their head to see the leader. Their eyes fixated on the phone's screen as if they didn’t hear Namjoon just now. In fact, Namjoon's presence didn’t bother them at all. Namjoon took a deep breath at the response, clenching his hands till his knuckles turn to white.
“Ab – about that night. It’s a misunderstanding. I didn’t – didn’t –“
Jungkook clicked his tongue at the words. “I’m trying to practice my English here so I really appreciates if you didn’t talk to me,” he said venomously, without looking at Namjoon.
Namjoon's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach at the statement. His eyes blinking rapidly as he stares at the golden maknae sadly. He then turned his gaze to Taehyung and he bites his lips when Taehyung had put the earphone to his ears. He was ignoring him too.
“Guys, please…” Namjoon pleads with a shaken voice, almost burst into tears. He almost slipped into a little space as his heart pounding harshly inside his ribcage. He was putting a fight not to regress at this moment, realizing they need to be in the show in fifteen minutes.
“We were trying to be really helpful here. We need to brush up our English so that you won’t feel the burden to talk on our behalf anymore. Right?” spits Taehyung with anger lies in his deep voice as he stares at Namjoon furiously.
Namjoon flinched at the deep tone, looking at Taehyung with mouth agape. He wanted to say something to refute the allegation but his voice stuck in between of his throat. He couldn’t find the correct words to defend himself when his mind becomes fuzzy out of sudden.
“Woah, this is a rare sight!”
Hoseok's brisk voice breaks the intense air between Namjoon and the two maknae. Hoseok slumps besides Taehyung and stretched his long arm on the younger's shoulder.
“I never know that you’re interested to learn English, Tae! I know about Jungkook, but you? What is it? Are you going to be a Hollywood actor now?” he asked with his playful tone, grinning at Taehyung.
Taehyung grunts when Hoseok pulled his body to him forcefully – his side pressed to Hoseok's. “I just want to brush up my English so I can answer the question by myself. I don’t want to become a burden to someone, ” he answered viciously, being obvious that he’s targeting on Namjoon.
Namjoon bites his lips at the answer and he shuddered when he saw the sharp stares of the younger – shoots directly to him. Namjoon averted his eyes out of nervousness and he can hear Taehyung scoffing at him.
“Burden? What burden?” asked Hoseok confused and he looked at Taehyung for an answer.
Taehyung shrugs to dismiss the question didn’t have the intention to answer Hoseok. He noticed the sad expression of hid leader but he didn’t feel any guilt for saying that on Namjoon's face. He dismisses the vulnerability shown on Namjoon's face.
“I think all of us need to learn English seriously, hyung. At least we are able to give our own answer without the need for someone to translate for us. I don’t want our leader doing all the job for us and tiring him out…” Jungkook added without breaking eye contact with his own phone.
Hoseok’s brows arched in further confusion. He stares at the two male before his eyes turn to Namjoon – still standing in front of them awkwardly. Hoseok can feel the tension between the three but couldn’t fathom the reason behind it. And for Jungkook and Taehyung to talk about learning English sounded really off. As if they were mad about something. But what?
“All these times, it’s our Joonie has been translating for us. And some times the translator will do his job…” said Hoseok.
“I don’t want to pile the works on our leader's shoulder. He had so many things to handle – the meeting, interviews, composing. I don’t want to be the reason he feels frustrated for all the unending jobs, ” said Taehyung venomously.
Namjoon inhaled a sharp breath, almost choked at the hurtful words uttered by Taehyung. “I – I never think that way, Tae…” he tries to explain with his shaken voice.
Taehyung cocked his head towards the leader. He gawked at Namjoon with anger evidently shown on his handsome face. “Really? That’s not what I heard last two days!” irked Taehyung.
Namjoon’s body jerked at the sudden outburst, stumble a step backward. A puddle of tears starts to blur his vision. He took a heavy breath as his whole body trembles at the murderous stare thrown by Taehyung. He can see the rage and the hatred on his eyes. Namjoon feels his heart been pricked with a thousand needles.
“Hey Tae, I think that’s rude!” reprimand Hoseok. He was shocked to hear such words came out from Taehyung's mouth. He can feel the tension between Taehyung and Namjoon. He notices how Namjoon cowered at the harsh tone and he almost burst into tears. It makes his heart ached to see the leader that way.
“You know nothing, hyung!” refute Taehyung, a little bit frustrated at Hoseok.
Hoseok was taken aback at the response, looking at the vocalist with a quizzical look. “What do you mean?” he asked.
Taehyung was about to tell Hoseok the incident when one of the crew came and asked them to get ready for their performance. Taehyung huffed in frustration, get up from the couch hastily. He glared at Namjoon from the corner of his eyes before he left the room together with Jungkook.
Hoseok was still confused at the whole situation slowly approached the almost crying leader. He pats on Namjoon's shoulder, looking at him with pity. “Are you okay, Joon?”
Namjoon took a deep breath and used his sleeves to wipe his tears, but carefully not to ruin his make-up. “Yeah, I’m okay…”
“What’s that about, Joon? I never saw Tae mad like that before. And Jungkook too?” he asked with concern.
Namjoon shook his head. “Nothing, Hobi. It’s – it’s just a misunderstanding. I’ll explain later to Tae and Kookie.” He said. Not that he didn’t want to share with Hoseok the problem, but he wants to solve it with Taehyung and Jungkook first.
Hoseok sighed. “Okay. And if you need my help, don’t be too shy to ask.”
Namjoon flashed a weak smile and he nods at the offer. He hopes that he won’t need the help from others to solve the problem. Namjoon is confident that he can handle this matter by himself. But he was proven wrong.
Namjoon looks at the new schedule with arched brows. It’s the list of shows and interviews that BTS need to attend once they in Korea. Namjoon frowned at the tight schedules and he didn’t feel good at all. There was no break at all for the whole week.
Namjoon doesn’t feel good when he saw they need to rush for a rehearsal after they arrived at the International Incheon Airport. Sungdeuk had made a new choreography for Idol and he wants everyone in BTS to rehearse immediately. They need to perform the new dance in an award show two days later. That’s impossible!
Namjoon looked up to Sukhoon who had handed the schedule to him. “Did Sejin and PD-nim decides on this?” he asked warily.
Sukhoon nods. “Yes, I’m just giving this to you so you can brief your bandmates. The flight to Korea is the next morning at six. Make sure you tell them about the schedule. Seungduk-nim has sent the dance practice video through email and all of you can watch the new choreography. Once landed all of you need to go to the venue for a rehearsal.”
Namjoon exhaled a deep and heavy sighed. That was ridiculous. The company never asked them to rehearse after being on a long journey. Usually, they will take at least two days of rest to regain their energy before starts any schedules or dance rehearsals.
“I think I need to discuss this with Sejin-hyung first. I don’t think all of us in a good condition for any rehearsal after the long hours in the plane. We will be too tired to dance…” said Namjoon, showing his discontentment about the schedules.
Sukhoon instantly scoffs at the statement. “Don’t you think you’re sounded like a brat right now, Namjoon-ssi?” he asks in a derision tone.
Namjoon’s brows pucker at the allegations. “What do you mean?”
Sukhoon lips moved upwards. “BTS is really popular nowadays and has high demand everywhere. BigHit had invested their money to make sure BTS to be on the of the world. Right now all of you’ve been enjoying all the special treatment which I like to emphasize that not all idol have the chance to taste that. Are you sure you can be slacking off and shows your arrogant attitude to them? Are you being demanding right now?”
Namjoon lips parted at the accusation, staring at Sukhoon with disbelief. He didn’t understand why does Sukhoon always think negatively about him as the leader of BTS. None of his accusations were true. Namjoon didn’t know what’s the motive of the manager to work at BigHit if he hates him so much.
“I think you’ve misunderstood something, Sukhoon-ssi. I and the members never acted arrogantly with all the fame we have right now. I acknowledge that BigHit had played an important role in BTS success. What we had achieved today was the hard work of everyone. No one becomes a single reason for our success.”
Namjoon had the urged to explain everything to Sukhoon. He can see that the male didn’t interested to hear it but Namjoon didn’t want Sukhoon to have the misconception about BTS. Seven of them never acted arrogantly towards anyone. BTS has always been down to earth since day one.
“Namjoon, that was so nice of you. Everyone was talking about your leadership. They claimed that you are the reason why BTS stand tall in the eyes of the world. Because you never give up and you don’t let the members give up too. That was so charming and charismatic. I applaud you for being a good leader to BTS…” Sukhoon said but it sounded like a cynical comment.
Namjoon frowned in deep confusion. He didn’t understand where does this kind of conversation is going. His heart hammering when he thought about the last incident. Namjoon instantly turned his head to see if any of his members were there to listen to their conversation. But there was no one here except him and Sukhoon. Namjoon let out a sigh, feeling relieved.
Sukhoon chuckles watching Namjoon's reaction, a little bit amused to see the fear on his face. It’s some sort of accomplishment for him that he was able to instill the fear in Namjoon's mind and heart. It’s going to be very helpful later on.
“You are a very confused man, Sukhoon-ssi. At one moment you were praising me and at one moment you were torturing me. What did you gain for doing this?” Namjoon asked the manager, agonizing all the moments he had with Sukhoon.
Sukhoon’s face turns to smug. “Ah, I didn’t tell you the reason why I’m doing this, right?”
Namjoon rolled his eyes in annoyance at Sukhoon's demeanor. For the first time ever, Namjoon didn’t hide how much he detests someone. Sukhoon didn’t deserve any respect from him. This man is really a psychopath.
Sukhoon sniggered at Namjoon. “Let me ease your mind a little bit and give you a small hint. Maybe with the hint, you will be able to remember what kind of sin you have committed on the past…” he said.
Namjoon stared at Sukhoon. Why did Sukhoon keep saying about a sin that he didn’t know about? What will he gain if he keeps torturing him like this? What does he want to achieve by playing this game? Namjoon had lots of question but zero answers to that.
“As much as you’re a great leader today, don’t you forget that you used to ruin someone's life when you're basically no one. The days when Runch Randa was living his life as a selfish and hypocrite guy!”
Namjoon mouth agape at the mentioned of his past but he didn’t have any clue of what’s Sukhoon is referring to. And why does the new manager was talking about Runch Randa? He hasn’t used that name after he had joined BigHit. Which part of his past that he’s referring to? Namjoon becomes more confused.
“Maybe it’s the right time for you to walk down on a memory lane, Namjoon-ssi. You’ll find the answer you’re looking for, ” says Sukhoon vehemently before he took his leave.
Namjoon was left aghast at his last word. His mind starts to work with double speed, trying to trace the memory of his past. As much as Namjoon was thinking, he still couldn’t find anything suspicious about his past.
If everything happened linked to his past, who is Sukhoon actually?
“Are you fucking kidding me, hyung??!!” Jimin cursed as he runs his slender fingers through his hair in frustration. He then slammed the piece of paper to the table.
“Jimin, calm down. Listen to his explanation first, ” reprimand Seokjin. He then looks at Namjoon, obviously shocked at Jimin's harsh tone just now. He can see how Namjoon's body curled inward to make him looks smaller. A habit whenever he feels guilty or scared.
“Jin-hyung, what’s explanation are you talking about? Isn’t that obvious? We had to do rehearsal once we touched down. That’s ridiculous! We had a long flight, barely had a good rest and our muscles will be so tight – we can’t even dance properly!” says Taehyung with anger.
“We always had at least two days break whenever we had traveled back to Korea. What’s this rehearsal about? Are we even fit to do that? I bet we are going to collapse within a half-hour of practice!” adds Jungkook as he agreed with Jimin and Taehyung.
Hoseok let out a small grunt listening to the maknae, didn’t agree with how they talk to Namjoon. He stares at Namjoon and he was in distress. He can see how he was frowning and gritting his teeth.
“Joon? Do you care to explain this to us? Why did you agree with the rehearsal?” asked Hoseok. He wants to hear from Namjoon first before he decided whether to get angry or to understand his situation.
Namjoon fiddles with his fingers, feeling anxious as he can feel the sharp eyes of his members. He took a deep breath before he starts to speak with his shaken voice.
“It’s a last minute arrangement and – and the company wants us to do some changes in our choreography. Seungduk-nim had add on the – the traditional elements in Idol so – so –“
“So what? I’ve seen the practice video and the new routine was so grand and complicated. I don’t think we can master the new choreography within two days. That’s absurd!” protests Jimin.
“Jimin hold your temper, please! Let’s discuss this like an adult!” sneered Yoongi, disliking Jimin's rude attitude.
Jimin huffed in annoyance. He had all the reason to act this way. Jimin was surprised when he saw the video send by their performance director. The new traditional element in the dance was unique and beautiful but Jimin knows it's hard to do it within two days before the award show.
Even though he was ecstatic to dance to the new movement, Jimin realized that his body won’t be able to take such strenuous practice. Not after long hours traveling by plane. They might be resting along the journey but still, it wasn’t the same as sleeping on the bed.
Namjoon flickered his eyes towards Jimin and his heart sunk when he saw the frustration on Jimin's face. He realized that no one was happy with the company's decision about the rehearsal schedule. He understands the concern of his members but as much as he wanted to protest about it, Namjoon just can’t.
Namjoon didn’t know what to do to solve this problem. He knew the members weren’t happy with the situation. They were upset about the short notice. They already tired with the non-stop interviews and shows in the US. Their bodies need a proper rest before they can resume back to their activities. Namjoon feels guilty for unable to do such a small thing for his bandmates.
Namjoon wasn’t sure if the company will give them the break at this moment. If he is going to discuss this matter with Bang PD, Namjoon couldn’t give a guarantee that the said male will agree to let them had a rest at least for one day. The management and the back-up dancers were waiting for them, with all the preparation.
But they need a break, right? As a leader, what can he do to tackle the issue? As a leader, what can he do for his bandmates and at the same time he won’t become the disappointment of the company?
“Joon-ah…”
Namjoon flinched when Seokjin tapped on his hand. He let out a shuddering breath, feeling tired handling all this conversation. They need to go to the airport within two hours. Having this small meeting in his hotel room before their take-off makes everyone feels distressed. But he wants to inform his bandmate the bad news before they're heading to the airport. He wants everyone to take a good rest in the plane. Seems he had made a bad decision.
“Can't you talk to Seungduk-nim about this? E-mail him that we need at least a day to rest before we proceed with the rehearsal. I’m concerned about Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok since they got the most part of the new cheoreo… I don’t think they can dance well if they were less energetic…” said Seokjin. He was trying to help Namjoon since the leader looks really affected by the member's wrath.
Namjoon rubbed his tired face before he turns his eyes to his members – one by one. Their faces evidently showed their emotion. Rage, disappointment, frustration and maybe hatred? His heart clenched at the thought that his bandmates might be hating him for failing to do something for their sake.
“I – I’ll try hyung. I’ll talk to Seungduk-nim…” decides Namjoon. And he can hear the relief sighed emits by his members. “All of you can – can pack your luggage. We will meet at the lobby in one hour…” he said.
None of his members said anything before they left his room. Except the three eldest who had given him a warm pat on his shoulder. He flashed a weak smile as an assurance that he’s fine and nothing to worry about. His head starts to throb at all the emotional stress.
He massaged his temple to reduce the shooting pain. He didn’t know whether it’s a simple headache or he’s getting a migraine attack. He didn’t feel too good right now. But he had some work to do and it wasn’t something he can't delay.
As much as to his dismay, Namjoon took his phone and search for Seungduk's number before he pressed the green icon. He waits for the line to get connected, getting ready to discuss the issue with the said male. He hopes it’s going to be solved amicably. However, Namjoon didn’t know that everything will start spiraling too soon.
Jimin was waiting for the hyung line at the lobby – together with Taehyung and Jungkook. They were still affected by the news but trying to act calm in front of the public. However, it was short-lived glory when Sukhoon came and approached the three with a smirk on his face. Obviously conspiring something.
"Well are you ready to go home!” he asked with his façade smile and voice.
The three were giving him a small smile without answering because they were too engulf with the discussion with the leader before. Sukhoon eye glared at the three when they ignored him and keeps on playing their phone.
“I heard about the rehearsal…” he says, fishing the attention of the three. Which was a total success when the three turned their head simultaneously.
Sukhoon analyzes the expression and he discretely smiles in joy when he can see the unhappy face of the three. He had expected this to happen. “Well, I never thought that Namjoon-ssi will agree to do this despite you’re going to be tired once you arrive at the airport…” he lies smoothly.
Jimin snapped his head to the new manager, eyes were lit with fire. He grits his teeth as his grip on his phone tightened. “What – what do you mean by that?” he asked.
Taehyung and Jungkook had the same expression while they gawk at the manager – waiting for his answer.
“Well, when Seungduk asked Namjoon whether all of you can do the rehearsal right away, he agreed in a second. I had asked him to discuss this with all of you first before deciding that by himself. But – “ Sukhoon halted and his eyes hovered on the three maknae of the BTS. He purposely did it and he knew one of them will be enraged at the false information.
“But what Sukhoon-ssi??” asked Jungkook with a strained voice.
Sukhoon exasperatedly sighed. “But he said he is the leader so he has the right to decide on your behalf…”
Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung gasped at the statement – looking at Sukhoon begrudgingly. They can’t believe that Namjoon had said that to Sukhoon. Despite him being the leader of BTS, he has no right whatsoever to decide everything for the members. They always had a discussion before taking any step in doing something.
“I think maybe he agreed to that because the new dance doesn’t concern him so much. Well, since Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok will do the most part of it,” Sukhoon adds another fuel into the fire as it’s blaring furiously.
“I – I can’t believe he said that! That – that –“
“Believe it or not, he did, Jimin. And you will be shocked to hear what he had said about something else too!” cuts Taehyung venomously. He looks really pissed off that he was ready to spill what had happened to him and Jungkook.
Jimin frowned in confusion as he stares back at Taehyung and Jungkook. Both of them looks so solemn and Jimin couldn’t wait to hear their side of the story.
“What is it??”
And Sukhoon smirks evilly while looking at the three. His vicious plan starts to work out like he had been planning. He smiles in victory when he saw the wrath and hatred of the younger’s faces.
It’s a second strike, Namjoon!
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Notes:
I loved writing this chapter 💅💅
And it's going to be lots of conflict in the future. We will walk down the memory lane in the next chapter - a little bit of peeking on Namjoon's past. A small hint as to who is Sukhoon. But I'm not going to reveal everything yet.
Apart from that, I hope you enjoy the chapter 🤭
Chapter 26: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀
Notes:
Some part of Namjoon's past was based on a true story and some part of it were fictitious in order to suit the plotline. There are also a few fictional characters will be introduced in this chapter. Read with caution.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Largo. The Nexist. Stealo. Runch Randa.
These used to be his names when he was an underground rapper – before he debuts as Rap Monster of BTS; later be known as RM. He meets with lots of people from the underground scene, making friends and alliance.
Zico, Supreme Boi, Kyum2 and Marvel J. But unknown to the world, he also has two best friends that he met when he was fifteen – the year when he first starts to rap seriously.
Seungwoon and Hakyon.
They shared the same dream and ambition. To rock the world of hip-hop with their raps. They were very enthusiast to show their talent and their insight as a rapper. They want to show through the music that they can change the world. They want to talk to the society through their music and indigenous lyrics.
Namjoon, Seungwoon, and Hakyon vow their friendship – to stay as friends forever, fighting for their dream and aspiration. Namjoon will sneak out from his house during midnight, riding his bicycle through the darkness to meet with his two best friends at the junction of the road – going to the underground club for a rap battle.
It doesn’t matter who win or lose in the battle. For the three, they just want to be able to appease their needs to lash out their emotions about their life – happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. They rejoiced to be in the club, experimenting with strangers that had the same passion with them. They make lots of acquaintances and their music evolved in a better way.
“Do you think we’re going to be a successful rapper, Namjoonie?”
Namjoon turned his head towards Seungwoon, looking at him with his brightest smile ever. “Of course Woonie-ah. We will make sure the world listen to our voice!” he answered with passion.
Hakyon nods his head in agreement with Namjoon's words. He pats on Seungwoon’s shoulder. “I’m positive that we will be popular one day!” he added.
Seungwoon smiles at his two bestfriends. “I really love hip hop. I want to be a well-known rapper and gain reputation worldwide…”
“Then, you need to be an idol Woonie!” said Hakyon with a wide grin.
Seungwoon scoffed at Hakyon. “Yah, I’m not going to do that thing, Hakyon! I’m not fit to be an idol. Doing those cute act and dancing until you pees on your pants! That’s not my cup of tea!” refute Seungwoon, making a funny face to show his discontentment about the idea of being an idol.
A hip-hopper is not an idol. It doesn't go with the image - tough, rude and rough. Hip hop works on the underground scene, dissing each other while battling but with no hatred whatsoever. It's the art of real hip hop.
Meanwhile being a rapper in an idol group is considered as mainstream. The function of the rapper is limited to suit with the image as an idol. The raps should be clean and positive. The creativity will be impeded to suit the industry.
Namjoon and Hakyon laughed out loud at the answer. Agreed with Seungwoon, Namjoon couldn’t decipher his life if he is an idol. Not to depreciate himself, but he didn’t have the package to be one. The looks, dancing skill, and the firm muscles.
He might be doing a great job with his rapping ability but he’s suck in dancing. As if, he has two left feet. He’ll look like a jellyfish swimming under the sea if he ever tries to dance.
Please, don’t make him to!
“Do you dreams of being an idol Hakyon-ah?” asked Seungwoon with an accusatory tone as his eyes fixated on his friend.
Hakyon almost choked his bread, fisting his chest to make sure it won’t be stuck on his throat and hastily sipped his coke. His eyes were glazed with tears. “What the?! Of course not Woonie! You know that we had vowed to stick together as hip-hopper till the end of the world! No one can break the promise. If not you shall be punished!”
Seungwoon bawled his eyes at the mentioned of their vows. It’s ridiculous actually but at the same time, it feels significant. They were young and energetic. Of course, they were excited to have an extraordinary pledge to unify their friendship.
“First, we live as a friend and die as a friend,” states Hakyon while he wiggled his brows comically.
“Second, hip-hop is the reason to live and the reason to die, ” adds Seungwoon as his lips curves into a smile.
“Third, our dreams are a dream together. One's failed, everyone's failed, ” Namjoon speaks next.
Seungwoon and Hakyon look at Namjoon with a bright smile and Namjoon reciprocate with the same. Together, they said their last vow – loud and solemnly.
“Fourth, we are the voices of each other!!”
Namjoon gasped out loud as he jerked from his night sleep. Namjoon squinted his eyes when the bright light attacks his orbs. He plops himself with his elbow, looking around his room with confusion. He turns to the side to see the clock - 4.35 a.m.
It’s only been half an hour he had gone to sleep. Namjoon rubbed his face harshly and then he realized that his white shirt was saline-soaked with sweat. He scrunched his nose, feeling gross and the shirt glued to his body. Namjoon winced when a dull pain suddenly spasms on the left side of his head. He groaned when he thinks that he might be having another migraine.
With that thought, Namjoon breathed out a heavy sighed. His whole body feels sore after last night performance. Everyone was extremely affected with the new choreography, almost losing their composure on the stage out of fatigue. Namjoon didn’t know how they had been holding up with the strenuous routine but they just did. But, it’s worth every sweats because everyone enjoyed it so much.
Maybe that’s the reason why everyone wasn’t talking while in the car – heading back to the dorm. They were too weary, the energy was drained and they just want to go back home and sleep. Everyone just steered towards the room to have a good rest.
Namjoon sighed again. He was exhausted but he can’t go back to sleep anymore. It’s always been difficult for him to do that after having a nightmare. Namjoon frowned as he recalled the dream. It’s been a long time since he’s been dreaming about Seungwoon and Hakyon.
Namjoon lift up both of his hands, stretching his fingers and he can see how his hand was shaking. He didn’t feel good at all. He starts to feel nauseous out of sudden and his stomach was churning oddly. Namjoon tilted his head to the side and notice that Taehyung is not on his bed. It was neat and clean as if the younger didn’t come here at all last night.
Namjoon brushes his damp hair as he let out a soft ‘eww’ when his hair was wet and damp. He sighed in frustration thinking that everything goes really wrong for him these days.
He was on a silent treatment by the maknae line. Neither Taehyung, Jungkook or Jimin were talking to him. He didn’t know what’s wrong but they were obviously furious. Especially Jimin.
Of course, Namjoon managed to convince Sungdeuk to give them one day break before they start the rehearsal. At least, they were able to go through the dance routine better with a little bit energetic. Namjoon feels really awful to see how diligent Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok were practicing the new intro. It’s hard and complicated but being a good dancer, all of them managed to master it in a blink.
They have another three days break before they need to resume back their schedule. Namjoon aims to take this opportunity to have a talk with Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin. He will apologize for his mistakes and explained the true story to the three. He prays that the three will understand and forgives him afterward.
Namjoon didn’t know for how long he had been having the deep thought of everything. When he glanced at the clock, it’s already seven in the morning. That’s why he heard some noise from the outside. Maybe Seokjin is in the kitchen preparing breakfast for them.
Namjoon gets down from his bed and walked to the bathroom for a shower. He really needs to freshen up. The headache is killing him and he needs a painkiller for it.
“Morning, hyung!” greets Namjoon with his weak voice as he pulled out the chair and sits on it.
Seokjin turned to see Namjoon and instantly frowned when he saw Namjoon rested his head on the table. “Joon? Are you okay?” he asked in concern.
Namjoon just shakes his head. “Headache.”
Seokjin sighed as he heard the strained voice of the younger. Seokjin turns off the stove and approached Namjoon slowly. “I’ll give you the medicine and just rest after you eat breakfast…”
Namjoon hummed. A few minutes later he heard a few noises and footstep on the hallway before the used to be peaceful kitchen turns wild with everyone was talking endlessly. Namjoon groaned as the throb become more prominent.
Namjoon straightened his body and stared at his members – now gathered around the table. They look so fresh and vibrant. It appears that they have a good sleep last night. Namjoon is pleased that they were able to enjoy the break meaningfully.
“Did you ever sleep, Joon-ah?” questioned Yoongi when he saw Namjoon's darken eye bag and his pale face. Everyone had their attention to the leader as they heard Yoongi's voice.
Namjoon flashed a weak smile. “Half an hour. I guess. I’m not sure…” he answered vaguely. Actually, he just lost count of the time.
Yoongi frowned deeper. “Why are you staying up late? You need to take care of yourself Joon.”
Namjoon sighed and rubbed his tired face. “I – I have a discussion with our producer over the phone last night. And I need to finish the songs for our next album. So –“
“You works too hard, Namjoon…” cuts Hoseok. He didn’t like how Namjoon been stressing himself like this. The younger barely rest and have been doing triple works than the other members. He didn’t know how Namjoon was able to deal with the pressure alone.
“It’s my job as a leader. I didn’t want to drag the whole team down with my incompetence. You know how everyone had their eyes on us now, right? A single mistake will cost us, ” explained Namjoon seriously.
“But still you need the rest too, Namjoon. It won’t help you if you fell sick while you’re working, ” retort Seokjin unhappy to hear that from the leader.
Namjoon sighed as everyone is against him right now. He won’t win the argument. There’s no use to prolong the conversation. In fact, Namjoon didn’t have the strength to do so too.
Seokjin sets the plate in front of Namjoon where the younger blankly stares at the fried kimchi rice. There’s no hint that he was interested in the food. Seokjin furrowed at the silence.
“What’s wrong? Do you want anything else?”
Namjoon flinched at the question before he wiggled his head. “No – I’m just – don’t have the appetite to eat, ” he said.
Seokjin clicked his tongue at the answer. “Eat that young man. You need decent food before you can take the medicine…”
Namjoon's body sagged at the order before he lazily digs in the meal. However, when he tried to eat up the rice – Namjoon wanted to throw up. He grimaced when his stomach makes a summersault and grumbled oddly. He forcefully devours the food and pushed his plate away on the third attempt. He ignored the quizzical look of Hoseok and Yoongi before he chugged the painkiller and drink the whole glass of orange juice.
“Are you done??” Seokjin asked with shocked. He peeked at Namjoon's plate and notice that Namjoon barely touched his food.
“I’m going to take a nap for a couple of hours. Please wake me up at twelve, hyung.”
Seokjin fretted. “Why?”
Namjoon rubbed his sleepy eyes with his paw and let out a small yawn. “I have a meeting with the producers at one.”
Everyone was stunned to hear that from Namjoon and obviously displeased to know that Namjoon still needs to work during their break.
“Wait! What?? A meeting?? Yah Namjoon! This is our break time, how could they ask you to go for a meeting? You need the rest like we do, Namjoon. This is ridiculous!” gushed Yoongi, emotionally exasperated knowing that while the rest will be staying at the dorm, Namjoon needs to go to the company for a meeting.
Namjoon just smiles at the male before he gets up from the chair. “I’m the leader, this is what I do…” he said and just left everyone dumbfounded at his words.
Yoongi sighed and exchanged the stares with Seokjin and Hoseok. Meanwhile, the youngest was too engulfed in their own world – eating breakfast in silence. But deep down inside their heart, they feel apologetic and remorseful for treating Namjoon bitterly for the past few days.
Jimin noticed how desperate Namjoon was when they arrived at the airport. He had an emergency meeting with Sungdeuk, discussing their rehearsal before the performance director agreed to give them some spare time to rest. Which Jimin didn’t have the chance to say thank you to the leader because of the tight schedule.
But at the same time, he feels bitter when he heard the story from Taehyung and Jungkook. It’s hard to believe that Namjoon feels that way about the members. He was trying to be more rationale since Taehyung and Jungkook were really frustrated with the situation. He’s going to ask Namjoon about it later.
“You seems really close to him…”
Namjoon frowned and looks at Seungwoon with a quizzical look. “Him? Who?”
Seungwoon chided. “You know who. Zico.”
Namjoon didn’t understand the reason why Seungwoon sounded so vicious when he mentioned about Zico. He met with Zico when he performed in one underground showcase. Namjoon is a fan of him. He had been heard about Zico and his skillful rap when he starts to involve in the underground scene.
Zico is really a nice man and Namjoon considered him as his brother and inspiration. He learns a lot from the male. It’s really good for him to expand his own experience and being more creative with his rap and how to write a better song.
“Is there any problem with that? Jiho-hyung being really helpful to me, ” Namjoon said.
Seungwoon groaned at the answer. Disliking the fact that Namjoon had been calling Zico by his real name. It shows that their relationship is really intimate. “I heard about the audition at the Big Deal Records. Are you going then?” he further asked.
Namjoon frowned again. “What’s wrong with that?” Namjoon still couldn’t decipher the reason why Seungwoon been asking these kinds of questions to him.
“You seems interested. That’s why!” he retorts, voice rising a little bit.
Namjoon stares at his bestfriend. His face was sullen and he looks like he didn’t like the news. “Woonie, do you think I’ll go to the audition by myself?” he inquires.
Seungwoon shrugged. “Well, you didn’t say anything about it to me or Hakyon. I don’t know what is your plan.”
Namjoon sighed. He then wrapped his arm around Seungwoon's shoulder and pressed his body closer. “You’re my best friend Woonie. Hakyon too. You know I’m not going to leave you two. We are doing this together.”
Seungwoon flashed a weak smile at the statement, glanced at Namjoon for a second. “I’m sorry for being an asshole!” he said remorsefully. Feeling guilty for doubting Namjoon's intention. He should’ve known that Namjoon will never betray his friends.
Namjoon chuckles. “It’s okay. Do you remember our third vow?”
Seungwoon nods and smiles meaningfully at Namjoon.
“Our dreams are a dream together. One's failed, everyone's failed, ” Namjoon and Seungwoon recited the vow in unison. Both were laughing afterward. Feeling giddy at their own stunt.
Seungwoon than pulled Namjoon's body into a tight embrace as Namjoon happily reciprocates it in joy. Namjoon feels at ease that Seungwoon didn’t sulk for a long time. In fact, they never fought with each other. They understand everyone’s mind and no secret between them.
If they had a different opinion and been arguing about it, they always trying to find the resolution to that. No one shall leave until they came into an agreement. This is how they cherished their friendship.
“You lied!!!”
Namjoon yelped in shocked when Seungwoon pushed him to the back harshly. Namjoon stumbles a few steps backward and looks at Seungwoon with widening eyes.
“Woonie-ah? What’s wrong?”
Seungwoon gritted his teeth in hostility. His eyes were red as he scowled at Namjoon. “You left us Namjoon! You left us! You left us!”
Namjoon didn’t have the time to comprehend what does it mean when Seungwoon lurched forward and Namjoon gasped in horror when a knife buried deep in his abdomen.
Seungwoon then violently pulled out the knife and Namjoon's blood spattered on Seungwoon's face. He grimaced as his nostril can smell the metallic scent of the blood.
“You’re not our friends anymore, Namjoon. You left us!!”
Namjoon screamed out loud when Seungwoon try to stab him in the chest. Namjoon feels his body fall to the back in slow motion. And when his body landed on the hard ground, he instantly jerked up.
It's another dream. Namjoon is wheezing a little bit as he tried to catch his breath. Namjoon looks around and notices that he’s still in his room, now sweating on his bed.
Namjoon lifted his hand and he can see how it’s shaking terribly. His heart almost jumped out from his ribcage. It feels so real. He reached his abdomen and cringed when his skin comes into contact with his drenched shirt.
The throbbing pain on his head had been torturing him non-stop. Even after taking the medicine and had a nap, the pain is still there. He winced when he tried to stand up. He slumps back to the mattress when he had the vertigo effect. The room is spinning and he can taste the bile inside his mouth.
Namjoon massaged his temple to soothe the pain. While waiting for his body to recover from the dizziness, he thought back to the dream he had earlier. It's weird.
Why did he dream about Seungwoon? Why does his past suddenly surfaced like this? What does it mean?
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Notes:
Seungwoon and Hakyon are fictional characters. Any scene involving the two will be the author's imagination - nothing is referred to as Namjoon's real life.
Take note.
And what do you think about Namjoon's past?
Chapter 27: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙎𝙄𝙓
Notes:
We've reached 1k kudos and thanks for all the support ❤❤❤
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon was drained at the end of the day. The meeting with the producers taking up almost three hours before he went to the studio and let them listened to the raw music he had been composing for their upcoming album. And another two hours past in a blink while he rearranged the lyrics and music.
When Sejin dropped him at the dorm, it’s already dark and Namjoon didn’t even have the energy to say a simple ‘bye' to Sejin. Sejin just gives him a tender smile and asked him to get a good rest at the dorm.
Despite his muscles feel sore, he couldn’t stop his brain from working at a high speed. He can hear the gear of his brain, rolling and rolling – reckoning over what he hasn’t yet to do. The song, the dance, the schedules, the meeting, and the list keeps going on and on – there’s no end to it. Namjoon winced when another dull pain spasms his head.
He had been taking four painkillers for the last five hours because of the headache. It’s only a temporary solution to his problem and now it comes back to taunt him. He groaned because he feels the world spun around him. His stomach grumbles out loud, churning wildly. He then recalled that he didn’t eat yet for lunch. And now it’s already dinner time.
Namjoon sighed before he entered the dorm. He dragged his heavy feet to the living room where he can hear the noise of his members were making while watching the television. Through his warm and blurry eyes, he notices everyone was there; happily chatting with each other leisurely.
“Joon, you’re back!”
Namjoon grimaced at the brisk voice as it makes his headache become stronger. He then looks at Hoseok, now ogling at him from the couch. The rest were peeking at him too. Namjoon is aware of the sullen faces of the maknae but tries to ignore it. He didn’t have the strength to deal with it right now.
“Have you eat, Joon?” interrogates Seokjin when he had his eyes on Namjoon.
Namjoon shook his head as the answer and he can hear how the eldest gasped. He didn't need to lie for Seokjin to learn that he'd skipped the lunch. Seokjin just knows.
“What? They don’t even order any food for the meeting??” retorts Seokjin with incredulity.
Namjoon massaged his temple. There’s something jabbing inside his head. Like someone had punctured the needle over his skull over and over again. Namjoon hissed in pain.
“No – no hyung. They did but I don’t have the appetite…” Namjoon answered with his low and weak voice.
“You don’t even eat your breakfast Joon-ah, ” notes Seokjin with his motherly voice, looking at Namjoon with concern. He gets up from the couch and moving towards the leader. “Come, I’ve left the dinner for you, just need to reheat it for a few minutes.”
Seokjin didn’t even wait for Namjoon to respond as he creeps his hand around Namjoon's arm and hauled the exhausted leader to the dining table. He notices the tired face and how he keeps grimacing and rubbing his temple.
Seokjin glanced over Yoongi at the living room, giving an eye signal for him to join them at the table. Yoongi nods as he can see the tense radiating from the two. Seokjin makes Namjoon settles on the chair, leaving him alone with Yoongi before he took out the food from the fridge and put it in the microwave.
“Joon?” Yoongi taps on Namjoon's hand that lay on the table.
Namjoon startled a little bit since he almost dozing off while sitting. He cocked his head to meet with Yoongi's concern face before he flashed a weak smile. He rubs his sleepy eyes and yawned. “I’m sleepy, hyung, ” he said in a slurred speech.
Yoongi raised his brows. “You need to eat first, okay?” he coaxed the younger.
Namjoon whined and pouted his lips cutely. Yoongi chuckles and realized that Namjoon almost slipped into little space. He ruffled the hair of the younger fondly, making Namjoon lean forward for the touch.
“Just wait for a little bit, okay, Joonie?” said Yoongi, deliberately called his nickname ‘Joonie’, attempted to make Namjoon regress further.
Namjoon is too tired to protest so he just bobs his head. He looks at Yoongi through his doe eyes and he sheepishly smiles. “Eat – eat first, then sleep, ” he said with his feeble voice, slowly slipping into the headspace.
Yoongi chuckles. “Good boy!” he praised the little and instantly smirked when he saw how Namjoon’s cheek turns into the tinge of pink. Namjoon then took Yoongi's small hand, playing with his fingers one by one while muttering something inaudible, blabbering incoherently.
Yoongi let the younger to do whatever he likes and he slowly turns his body to see Seokjin. He whisper-yelled at the elder before Seokjin scowled at his interruption.
Yoongi mouthed ‘sippy cup' at him and pointed out at Namjoon through his mouth.
Seokjin fretted before he peeked over Namjoon and instantly smile when he saw how Namjoon was giggling while fiddling with Yoongi's fingers. He didn't know what's so funny about Yoongi's slender fingers but Namjoon looks so pleased while playing with it.
Seokjin put the bowl of rice and chicken soup in front of Namjoon and his sippy cup on the side. Namjoon's eyes twinkled when he saw his Ryan cup, quickly grabbed it and drink the banana milk recklessly - spilling some to his chin.
“Slowly baby. No one will take it from you, ” said Seokjin with a gentle smile and sits beside Yoongi.
Namjoon stares at his food before he heaved to look at his two caregivers. “Can – can Joonie haf – haf nugget?” he asked timidly. He scrunched his nose when his eyes on his food again. Didn’t like what’s been set in front of him. In little space, he preferred nugget more than anything else. By hook or by crook.
Seokjin sighed and gives Yoongi a meaningful glare. Yoongi beckon over Seokjin to deal with little Namjoon. Seokjin snorted in annoyance at the shift of responsibility. But everyone knows only Seokjin is able to deal with Namjoon’s stubbornness about his choice of food in little space.
“You didn’t have a proper meal today so appa wants you to eat decent food, ” told Seokjin, voice so sweet and soft.
Namjoon pouted. “Joonie wike nugget mowe appa,” he whined.
Seokjin huffed. “Okay, I’ll give you the nugget if you finish the meal…” bargain Seokjin. He didn’t have the heart to argue with Namjoon when he can see his tired face. It’s a treat he can give to Namjoon for his hard works today.
Namjoon eyes widen in joy as he beamed at his appa. He didn’t take too long before he gobbles the food, spilling the rice on the table due to his clumsiness. But Seokjin didn’t say anything and let the little to enjoy his food. He's a messy eater and Seokjin had used to it by now.
“Don’t you think he looks so stress for the past few days?” Yoongi whispered to Seokjin while both of them watching Namjoon devours his food.
Seokjin nods with a big sigh. “I think the workload is too much for him to endure. And it’s been a while that he didn’t regress into little space.”
Yoongi hummed. “We were too busy with tours and shows all over the world. He can’t be a little with all the hectic schedules, ” he added.
“And I think there’s something wrong with the maknae, ” cited Seokjin.
Yoongi arched his brows at the statement, staring at Seokjin for further explanation.
“I notice that Jungkook and Taehyung didn’t speak to Namjoon for a while. I don’t know what’s wrong with the two but they were ignoring Namjoon. And Jimin was frustrated about the rehearsal but I guess he had come to his sense a little bit, ” unraveled Seokjin while his eyes glancing at the youngest members once a while.
Yoongi sneered at the explanation. “Did Namjoon say anything about it?”
Seokjin shook his head. “Nothing. But I did ask Hoseok and he said Namjoon will settle the problem by himself. He said there was misunderstanding but didn’t clarify what kind of misunderstanding.”
Yoongi let out a sigh. He didn’t aware of the crisis between Namjoon and the two maknae. And he was a little bit dishearten that Namjoon didn’t seek him out for a solution. Usually, Namjoon will come to him if there’s any problem. They will discuss it and try to find the remedy together.
“I’ll ask him about it later…” Yoongi decides and Seokjin nods in agreement.
Namjoon looks at his two friends in frustration after they'd failed on the second round audition at the Big Deal Records. Namjoon blames himself for the failure and he feels absolute guilty towards Seungwoon and Hakyon. He was too nervous and when it’s his turn to rap, he forgot all the lyrics.
“Sorry guys,” muttered Namjoon for the umpteenth times after they get out from the audition hall. He hides his head in between of his hands, crouching down in shame.
Hakyon pats on his back to alleviate Namjoon's distress. “It’s okay Namjoonie. We can try again later…” he coaxed his friend. Hakyon then flicked his eyes towards Seungwoon, begging the said male to say something to Namjoon.
Seungwoon sighed before he took the seat on the other side. “Hey, Namjoon. No need to be sad. This is our first time doing something like this. Of course, we can’t expect to get through on the first try right? We can try again until we succeed, you know,” said Seungwoon.
Namjoon huffed before he lifted up his head and turn to look at his friends on both sides. “But I forgot the lyric. It’s my fault that you two –”
“It's okay. This is our first experience and we were nervous all day long. We tend to make mistake so there’s nothing to be sorry for,” Hakyon continue to cajole the male. His hand caressing Namjoon's back to de-stress his tense muscle.
“But –”
“Hakyon's right, Namjoon. We just need to be more prepared in the future. No need to stress out yourself. This can be our turning point to be a better rapper. You know what they said, the greatest trial will become the greatest triumph!” cuts Seungwoon, abstaining Namjoon from self-deprecating himself further.
Namjoon flared a weak smile at the words. “That’s a nice word, Woon-ah. You can be a good counselor, ” he teases.
Seungwoon and Hakyon chuckle at Namjoon's statement and appeased that Namjoon is feeling better than before. They both pats on Namjoon's back, giving him the strength to encounter another hurdle in their life.
Namjoon, Seungwoon, and Hakyon were about to leave the place when someone had been calling Namjoon from afar. The three turned their bodies simultaneously and frowned when they saw a stranger sprinting towards them.
“Kim Namjoon-ssi!” the stranger called while panting. He looks worn out after been running for the three, bending while both of his hand on the knees – catching for breath.
Namjoon took a step forward with a frown obviously seen on his forehead. “Yes?”
The stranger grinned and he shoved his hand for a handshake. “I’m Sleepy, ” he said.
Namjoon bites his lips. “And why did you tell me if you were sleepy?”
The male let out a boisterous laugh and his voice echoed in the hallway. Namjoon huffed at the whimsical laugh and trades a curious gaze with his two other friends. Seungwoon and Hakyon shrugs their shoulder – couldn’t understand why the male is laughing.
The stranger wipes the tears due to laughing too much as his laughter subsides. “You’re a funny young boy!” He notes with a fond smile. “Well, I’m Kim Sungwon, also known as Sleepy from the duo Untouchable. Sleepy is my stage name.”
The three gasped in panicked before they bowed at the stranger rapidly. “Sorry, we didn’t recognize you!!” shrieked the three in horror.
They were mortified that they failed to recognize Sleepy as one of the popular rappers in his casual attire. They also blame themselves for being too overwhelmed with their own emotion that they didn’t notice a famous rapper is standing in front of them.
Sleepy laughed at the three's humorous attitudes. “Nah, I’m fine. I’m glad that I can catch up on you guys!” he said while he smiles genuinely.
“Do – do you need anything from us, sunbae?” asked Namjoon politely.
Sleepy nods. “You!” he pointed at Namjoon firmly.
Namjoon frowned in confusion as he pointed at himself. “Me? Why?”
“Aren’t you the one with the moniker Runch Randa, Kim Namjoon-ssi?” Sleepy inquire for clarification.
Namjoon nods as a definite answer. “Yes, I’m Runch Randa.”
Sleepy clapped his hand with joy. “Yes, I got the right person. Well, I’ve listened to a few tracks of yours, especially the one that you collaborated with Zico and I like your style young boy!” he states joyfully.
Namjoon sheepishly grins at the praise, running his hand at the back of his neck as he feels shy that Sleepy had listened to his tracks. At the same time, he is grateful that Sleepy had acknowledged his talent as a rapper.
“Thank you,” says Namjoon.
Sleepy chuckles at the nervous response. He then gives Namjoon his name card and asked for Namjoon’s contact information for an exchange.
“I'll call you, Runch Randa, ” said Sleepy.
Namjoon smiles. “You can call me, Namjoon, sunbae!”
Sleepy nods his head and left the three when someone had called him. The three watched Sleepy walked back into the building until his body disappeared behind the wall. Namjoon then stares at the name card, almost combust with happiness.
“He – he gives me his name card!” Namjoon cried and looks at his two friends bewildered. He holds the card in front of the two and his feet were bouncing. He was too enthusiastic.
Hakyon smiled. “Yes! Finally, someone appreciates our talent, Namjoonie!!” he screamed and starts to bounce together with Namjoon childishly.
Seungwoon clicked his tongue at the two. “But he seems interested with Namjoon only,” he blurted out bitterly.
Hakyon and Namjoon stop dancing like a fool and looked at Seungwoon who had a grumpy face. He didn’t look so happy like the two.
“Why are you saying like that, Woonie?” Hakyon gushed with a gruff voice.
Seungwoon rolled his eyes in hostility. “Can’t you see just now? He only talks about Runch Randa. Not Snapper and not even you, Kyu,” alleged Seungwoon.
Hakyon sighed at Seungwoon little tantrum. He couldn’t comprehend Seungwoon's attitude sometimes. He was too hostile and easily triggered over something trivial. He always found a negative way on everything and constantly makes a snarky remark to hurt someone's feeling.
“Why are you behaving so bitter, Woon-ah?” Hakyon implored with his low voice as he didn’t want to agitate sensitive Seungwoon further.
Seungwoon startled at the remark, glaring at Hakyon with rage. “Bitter? Are you trying to say that I’m jealous of Namjoon?” he snarled at the male.
“Guys,” Namjoon feels entangled in between of his two best friends. Didn’t like how their happy moment had turned into something vicious like this.
Seungwoon snapped his head towards Namjoon. “Do you feel the same, Namjoon?” he asked with an accusatory tone.
Namjoon quickly shakes his head to deny the allegation. “No – no Woon-ah. I never thought of such way. You’re my best friend. I know you never had any ill-feeling towards me or Hakyon, ” denied Namjoon. He didn’t want Seungwoon to misjudge him. Or Hakyon himself.
Seungwoon then gawked at Hakyon with his angry eyes. “See? Namjoon didn’t think like that at all. You're being prejudice against me, Hakyon!”
Hakyon groaned at the childish response. “You should listen to yourself, Seungwoon. How you sounded when you said about Namjoon and Sleepy-sunbae. You are the one that says he is interested in Namjoon only!” deciphered Hakyon.
Seungwoon grits his teeth. “Am I wrong for saying that? You can see by yourself that Sleepy only gives the card to Namjoon. He emphasized Runch Randa and how he’ll call Namjoon later. He didn’t even look at us for once when he said that. Are you deaf? Blind?” spats Seungwoon venomously.
“Guys, I don’t think this is the right place for us to argue,” cuts Namjoon as he feels uncomfortable when everyone nearby was looking at them. Especially when Seungwoon's voice rising on each word.
Hakyon chided. “Seungwoon acting like a pussy!” he said with irritation.
“Then don't be a pussy like me!!” Seungwoon shouted at Hakyon before he left Namjoon and Hakyon. The two was dumbfounded to watch how Seungwoon ran out from the building, ignoring how Namjoon has been calling his name.
Hakyon grabbed on Namjoon's forearm when the said male wanted to run after Seungwoon. Hakyon shakes his head as Namjoon looks at him.
“Let him cool down first, then we can talk to him,” decides Hakyon.
Namjoon shot up from the bed while panting heavily with a throbbing head. He was trembling and his Koya pajama was soaking wet with sweats. Namjoon scrunched his nose when he feels his whole body sticky as if he was taking the shower with his clothes on.
Another nightmare?
Namjoon looks around the still dark room. When he saw Taehyung’s bed was unoccupied, Namjoon pouted in disappointment. His lips quiver realizing he was awake with no one by his side. Tears start to puddle in his eyes and everything seems too stuffy for him.
Namjoon grabbed his Ryan plushy and pressed to his chest firmly. He then gets down from the bed and scurried away through the hallway. He squinted his eyes when the light from the sun stung over his orbs. He didn't remember how he went to his room last night. But he recalled how Yoongi and Seokjin had tucked him into the bed.
Namjoon went to the kitchen and he saw Seokjin was busy stirring something on the stove. “Ap – appa?”
Seokjin squeaked like a little girl at the sudden interruption. He turned his body and eyes widen when he saw Namjoon blotchy face and red eyes. The male was about to cry as he hugged his Ryan to his chest. Seokjin assumes that Namjoon is in little space.
“Baby? Why are you wakes up so early?” he asked softly.
Namjoon jutted his lower lips. “Bad – bad dweam!” he said with his shaken voice.
Seokjin swoon at the cuteness. “Aww, poor baby. Come and sit here…” Seokjin beckon over the younger to sit at the table.
Namjoon makes a beeline before he slumps on the chair lazily. Seokjin gives a quick kiss on Namjoon's crown before he continues to cook the breakfast.
Namjoon huffed in annoyance when he still feels the tiredness all over his body. “Appa, Joonie wan – wan owange juice, pwease!” He requested.
Seokjin smiles. “Okay. On your service, darling!” he said playfully, earning a cute giggle from the little Namjoon.
“Morning guys!!” shouted Hoseok as he entered the kitchen while stretching his sore limbs and ended with an obnoxious yawn.
“Mowning papa!!!” replied Namjoon with excitement when he saw Hoseok is still wearing his pajama.
Hoseok cocked his head at Namjoon and run towards the little with the brightest smile he ever had. “Baby!!! Papa miss you so much!!!” he cried as he pinched Namjoon's chubby cheek. When Namjoon laughed at his silly antics, Hoseok quickly gives a peck on both of his cheeks.
“Mowning kissie!!!” claimed Namjoon and gives Hoseok a chaste kiss on his cheek too.
Hoseok laughed happily before he pulled the chair on Namjoon's side and sits with the younger. “Did he wakes up being little, hyung?” he asked Seokjin.
Seokjin hummed. “Yeah. I think he’s being too stressed after the meeting yesterday. I and Yoongi thought of forcing him to be a little today so that we can help him to cope with the stress. But I’m glad that he had regressed naturally. It’s much better that way, ” explained Seokjin.
Hoseok nods his head before averted his eyes to Namjoon. He chuckles when he saw Namjoon was sucking on his thumb sleepily, head bobbing back and forth adorably. Hoseok pulled away Namjoon's thumb and he immediately whines at the loss of the taste.
“No baby. It’s dirty. I’ll get you the pacifier okay?” tells Hoseok when Namjoon almost burst into tears.
Namjoon sniffs. “O – otay!”
Hoseok smiles fondly at the younger, ruffling his messy bed hair before he went to a drawer in the kitchen. He took the blue Koya pacifier and put it in between of Namjoon lips smoothly.
Namjoon grinned happily and leaned his head on Hoseok's shoulder as he closed his eyes. He can feel Hoseok's hand snaked around his waist and pulled his body closer so he can rest comfortably. Namjoon hummed at the warmth of Hoseok's body and it’s lulled his back to the dreamland.
Since it's been a while Namjoon has been in a little space, his caregivers let him do whatever he likes for the day. Namjoon had been running around the dorm while making a buzzing sound. The pacifier was still intact to his lips and a cape made from the towel by Hoseok loosely hanging on his neck like a superman.
“Slow down baby. We don’t want you to hurt yourself again!” reprimand Seokjin as he watched how energetic Namjoon is running around the couch.
Namjoon stopped for a moment. “O – otay!” and he continues to bounce on his feet like a little bunny. He was singing with ambiguous lyrics, gargle like a baby when he can’t remember any words.
“Jimin!” Seokjin shouted while he tries to wear his jacket and he can hear Jimin's small footstep across the hallway. “What are they doing in the room?!” he mumbled in irritation when the three maknae have been spending too much time in their respective room.
“Yes, hyung?” Jimin asked when he stands in front of Seokjin.
“We’re going to do some groceries shopping and will drop by at the studio to gets something from there. So please take care of Joonie!” notified Seokjin.
Jimin raised his brows as he looks at Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok at the main door - ready to go out. He sighed before he nods when he saw the piercing gaze of Seokjin. He waves the three goodbyes and turned his small frame towards Namjoon.
The little was busy playing by himself in the living room. Namjoon was too focus on his coloring book. His lower lips protruding as a sign that he’s concentrating on his works that he didn’t notice Jimin has been watching him.
“Joonie?”
Namjoon tilted his head and smile when he saw his dada. “Dada!”
Jimin hesitantly smiles. “Emm, I’m going to my room. If you need anything just call me or the others okay?” he said. Jimin waited until Namjoon said yes and leave the little alone without observation.
Namjoon stares at his final masterpiece and his eyes beaming with joy to see how beautiful he had been coloring the Ironman. He was trying so hard not to go beyond the line and using the same strokes on each section.
“Joonie – wanna – wanna show to hyungie!” He exclaimed and quickly gets up from the floor. He trudged over the hallway and went to Jungkook's room. Namjoon can hear the noise inside the room when he put his ear on the door.
Without knocking, Namjoon slowly rolled the knob and pushed the wooden door. He smiles when he saw Jungkook and Taehyung were in the room – playing video games. Both didn’t notice the presence of the little.
Namjoon tip-toeing and sneakily entered the room in order to give a good surprise to his hyungie and oppa. He was thrilled to show the beautiful picture in his hand.
“Boo!!!” he spooked at the two and giggles when he saw the reaction of the two.
Jungkook and Taehyung almost jumped out from the chair at the shouting. Taehyung accidentally kicked on the table and the glass on it wobbled before it fell on the floor with a loud crash.
“What the!” Jungkook grits his teeth while he's looking at the mess. He snapped at Namjoon with a murderous stare. “Is it hard for you to knock the door before you come in??” he fumed.
Namjoon gasped at the harsh tone, looking at Jungkook nervously. He instantly hides his drawing to his back as he trembled under the gaze of Jungkook.
“Why are you doing this to us, hyung?” asked Taehyung with an annoying tone.
Namjoon holds his breath. “Joo – Joon –“
“This is so stupid! Why can’t we have a good rest in time like this?? This is so tiring!” complained Taehyung further, as he looks at the shattered glass on the floor.
“Sow – sowwy – Joon –“
“Just leave hyung. We didn’t want to talk to you at this moment. We need some time, okay? Can't you give the space to us? We still trying not to think about what you’ve said about us. So please –“
Namjoon eyes got teary at Jungkook's words. He didn’t fully understand what it is all about since he’s still in the little space. But he can see the hatred in Jungkook's eyes. And it makes his heart crushed like the broken glass.
“Joo – Joonie sowie," Namjoon says with a shaken voice. He flinched when he saw the glares from Taehyung and Jungkook. "No – no hate Joonie pwease. Joonie wove hyungie – and – and Tae-Oppa…” mumbled Namjoon as his tears rolled down to his cheek.
Jungkook and Taehyung were taken aback when they realized that Namjoon was still in the little space. They were trying to say something but couldn’t muster up anything. The silence remained until Namjoon left the room while sobbing sorrowfully.
Jungkook and Taehyung look at each other with a mixture of emotion.
“Are we being too much, Kookie?” asked Taehyung guiltily.
Jungkook is speechless and Taehyung sigh in agony. The sad face of their beloved leader keeps on flashing back in their mind. They were wondering to themselves about the whole situation.
Between love and hate, which one is the greatest?
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Notes:
You've seen nothing yet.
😏
Chapter 28: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉
Chapter Text
Namjoon weeps silently on the floor of his room as his eyes staring blankly at the picture he specifically colored for his favorite caregiver - Jungkook.
He wipes his snots with the sleeve of his shirt when it's almost reached his lips. He forgot how his appa used to warn him about it before. How he's going to make his shirt dirtier. But for now, it was the least of his concern.
He had been crying for almost one hour already but the tears keep flowing like a waterfall. No one ever come to the room to coax him. He hopes his hyungie will come and tells him to stop crying and hug him like before. He missed his hyungie and oppa so much. He wants to play with them and watch the movie together. He wants to cuddle and sleep with them.
Namjoon sobs harder. "Hyu - hyungie hate - hate Joonie. Tae - op - oppa hate Joo - Joonie too!" He wailed and pressed the Ryan plush to his chest. His tears drop on the top of the head of his plush, soaking into it.
"Joonie dwaw for - for hyungie. Wook it's pwetty!" he cried while he pointed at the picture. "Joonie wanna - wanna gif pwesent to hyungie!"
Namjoon continues to cry and he didn't know for how long he's been doing that but he ends up exerted himself. He laid down on the cold floor, moving his knees into his chest while still hugging his Ryan - curling into a ball. His eyes swollen due to crying non-stop.
"Wa - why hyungie and - and oppa hates Joonie?" he mumbled sadly. And soon the tiredness took over his body and he fell asleep on the cold floor.
The door creaked when someone opens the door from the outside. His eyes roaming around the room and frowning in confusion when he saw the bed is empty. His eyes trailed over again to the other corner of the room before he took a sharp breath when he saw Namjoon is sleeping on the floor.
"Namjoon?" He whispered and stepped into the room, quickly approaching the male. He crouched beside Namjoon, carefully not to make any sound.
His heart sunk into the pit of his stomach when he saw the remnant of the tears on his face. His whole face is red like a tomato. Maybe he was crying so much before he fell asleep. A few hiccups slip from his slightly parted lips.
"Joonie..." his hand strokes the hair on Namjoon's forehead. "Dada sorry that Dada left you alone." Said Jimin with a strained voice, holding his tears.
He was taking a nap when he heard the uproar from Jungkook's room. He's going to ignore it when he heard how the maknae has been shouting towards someone. Then Taehyung's voice follows suit. They were angry at someone.
But who?
Jimin groaned in annoyance at the disturbance, shoving his face on to the pillow - screaming through it in frustration that his nap has been cut short. However, he shot up from the bed hurriedly when something comes to his sense.
Namjoon!
He was about to get out from his room when he heard the footstep trotting at the hallway and the sound of someone is crying. Jimin opens his door and tries to call for Namjoon but he just entered his room and slammed the door shut.
Jimin grits his teeth in anger and he immediately runs to Jungkook's room. He banged the door as loud as he can with his fist, ignoring the dull pain over his hand. Jungkook opens the door with a scowl on his face.
"What is it hyung?" Jungkook asked in bitterness.
Jimin glares at Jungkook and Taehyung who's been standing behind the maknae. "What did you do to Namjoon?" Jimin prodded, voice stricken with anger.
Jungkook being caught off guard and he gulped in nervousness when he notices Jimin's mad face. Jungkook cocked his head to the back to look at Taehyung, squinting his eyes as if he was begging for help from the male.
"He's crying! What did you do?" asked Jimin again after Jungkook and Taehyung just keep quiet. The guilt is self-evident on both of their faces. Jimin didn't need to ask further to know that they were the reason as to why Namjoon is crying.
"Hyung, we - we just - we didn't mean to - mean to," Jungkook attempt to explain but he was in a stuttering mess.
"Didn't mean to what?" taunted Jimin.
"Hyung, it's a misunderstanding." Taehyung interrupted knowing that Jungkook won't be able to tell the whole story.
Jimin flicked his eyes to Taehyung, gawking at the taller male with a piercing gaze - asking for further explanation from the male.
"Namjoon came into the room and make us surprised with his prank. So - so we kinda snap at him?" explained Taehyung shamelessly.
Jimin peered over Taehyung and Jungkook in turn, shocked to hear the reason why Namjoon is crying. "Kinda snap at him? What the hell are you talking about? He's in a little space for fuck sake! He didn't understand the consequences of his act!" scolds Jimin.
Jungkook rolled his eyes at the nag, didn't feel that he had done something wrong. It's a reflex when someone is trying to scare you. "You can't blame us for that. None to this will happen if he didn't do that to us!" Jungkook continues to put the blame on Namjoon solely.
Jimin's body stiffens at the assertion, looking at Jungkook in wrath. "Don't tell me that you're still holding a grudge against him?" he assumed.
Jungkook and Taehyung gulped at the allegation. They were a little bit restless when Jimin keeps staring at them with his murderous stare. They know the male is waiting for them to answer his question just now. But they didn't know how to answer without incriminating themselves.
"We had the right to be mad, hyung!" states Jungkook valiantly. He didn't care if Jimin is going to be upset at him. He's stating the truth. He's still furious at their leader for thinking that they didn't give him any help when they were promoting at overseas.
"He thinks he had done so many works because we're being unhelpful. Just because he's the only one who fluently speaks English, that doesn't mean that we didn't try to speak too. It's just that we have a poor skill and need to brush up more. We need times to be skillful like him! We can't be an expert within one night!" argued Jungkook.
Taehyung agreed with the youngest, nodded his head at the statement. Jungkook has his support on this matter. He shared the same sentiment with Jungkook.
Jimin scoffs at Jungkook's argument. "You've told me that Namjoon thought we're giving him the full responsibility to speak English on our behalf throughout the tour. He feels the burden for the pile of works. Did you listen by yourself he said this?" interrogate Jimin.
He always wanted to ask the question to Jungkook and Taehyung when the boys tell him about it. But due to their hectic schedules, he couldn't find the time to have a talk with the two. Today the opportunity has come so he needs to grab it and try to resolve the crisis.
Jungkook puckers his brows in confusion. "What do you mean by that? Of course, we heard he said - " Jungkook halted as he reminisced the day when he thought he heard Namjoon gives a comment like that. His frown deepens on each second afterward.
"What?" asked Jimin, aware at Jungkook's odd expression.
Jungkook gnawed his lips and turn his head to the side to look at Taehyung. "We didn't hear he says that but Sukhoon-hyung was there uttering the words and Namjoon-hyung didn't rebut it..." he said in the realization that he might have misunderstood the whole situation.
"Well if we were to think about it again, Namjoon-hyung didn't say anything at that time. It's more on Sukhoon-hyung though, " added Taehyung, now having the same confused expression on his handsome face.
Jimin heaved a deep sigh before he speaks. "Don't you think that we might be exaggerated and acted childishly towards him? About the English thing and the rehearsal schedule? We put the blame on him when he was just executing the instruction by the company?"
Jungkook and Taehyung were in silence, thinking about Jimin's words one by one. They exchanged the gaze among themselves before all of them sighed in defeat.
Jimin let's the two to reflect on their wrongdoing meanwhile he slowly goes to Namjoon's room. He pressed his ear on the wooden door, scanning through it to find any sound made by the leader. But it was too quiet and Jimin suddenly feels the rush of worries.
Jimin slowly rolled the knob and peeked his head on the barely open door. That was when he saw Namjoon is curling on the floor, sleeping with a tear-jerk face. His heart squeezed at the scene, caressing Namjoon's wet face softly.
Jimin slowly gets up, grabbing the pillow and blanket on Namjoon's bed before he carefully hoisted Namjoon's head onto the pillow before he draped the blanket over his lanky body. He knows it will make his body to feel sore when he wakes up later, but Jimin didn't want to hurt the leader and himself if he tries to pick him up. He wasn't that strong and their bodies proportion were different. He will end up breaking some bones if he ever tries.
Jimin slumps besides Namjoon and continues to watch him fondly. Jimin regrets his decision to let him alone without any supervision. If not, this won't be happening and Namjoon didn't end up in such state. Jimin's eyes glaze with tears of sorrow and guilt.
Jimin startled when Namjoon stirs in his sleep, mumbling something incoherently before he put his thumb into his mouth. Tears cascade through the corner of his eyes and a few whimpers can be heard from Namjoon.
Nightmare?
Jimin lips quiver at the idea, trying his best not to cry. He scooted closer to Namjoon and rested on his side, facing up with Namjoon. He plopped his elbow and leaned his head over his hand. His other hand slowly pats on Namjoon's arm, hushing him to sleep while he hummed a random song.
Namjoon stops sobbing and the frown on his face slowly disappear. A soft snore can be heard a few seconds later. Jimin smiles in relief at the peaceful expression of the little. His eyes began to droop while he keeps patting on Namjoon. In a few minutes, Jimin too had fallen asleep on the floor.
It's been three weeks in a hectic schedule where they've been traveled a lot. It was back and forth journey from Korea to the US, back to Korea and now they were in Japan for the MAMA's award.
There's a lot of preparation been made for their performance and everyone was very hardworking and diligent - not to say it's also a very stressful day for them. Everyone was on the edge.
Namjoon massaged his temple as they continue to rehearse the dance for Anpanman. The continuous headache is killing him. He didn't know how much pain killer he had been taking for the past few days. Nothing can help to ease the pain. It's worked only for a couple of hours before it's starting to throb again.
Maybe he was too exhausted with the bundle of works he needs to do. His limbs didn't synchronize with his mind. He keeps on doing a simple mistake after mistakes. He can't catch up with everyone movement as a few dots start to blur his vision. He was wheezing and sweating profusely. His throat feels dry and Namjoon feels his body as light as the feather.
It's just a simple turn he needs to do, but Namjoon just being too tired and dizzy - he fell with a loud thud when his butt hit the floor really hard. The music stops and everyone was alarmed to see him on the floor - writhing in pain.
"Namjoon!!" Everyone shouted and bolted towards him.
Namjoon can feel his body burning. As if something is boiling inside him. He can smell the gasoline that trying to lit the fire. Metaphorically. He had reached his limits. Without proper sleep and rests for the past weeks, his body had acted up against his will.
"Joon, are you okay?" Seokjin asked.
Namjoon hissed when another pain attack on the side of his head. He held his head tightly trying to soothe the discomfort. But it was a futile effort. He needs another painkiller. To be honest, he might be depending on the medicine too much this lately.
"Don't crowd at him. Gives him some space to breathe!" Ordered Yoongi as everyone was swarming over Namjoon; including a few of BigHit's staff.
The members moved a little bit to create the room for Namjoon and the staffs leave them to get the medical assistance - in case Namjoon needs it.
"Joon, tell me what's wrong? Did you hurt somewhere?" urged Seokjin further when Namjoon didn't answer his first question. His eyes were scanning Namjoon's whole body to find any physical injury.
Namjoon shook his head and it causes the room spun around. He squeezed shut his eyes at the dizziness and he can taste the bile inside his mouth. "Head - headache, " he answered with a croaked voice. His throat feels dry and scratchy.
A few seconds later someone has shoved a bottle of mineral water to Namjoon's face. Namjoon hoisted his head a little bit and saw Jimin crouching in front him, beckon over him to take the bottle.
Namjoon's hand is shaking when he takes it from Jimin, prompting the rest of the members that he is not in good condition. Everyone was concerned since Namjoon rarely gets sick if to compare to other members of BTS. But once he did, it's always worse than the others.
Namjoon flinched when a cold hand was pressed to his sweating forehead. Hoseok hissed when his hand came into contact with Namjoon's hot skin.
"You're burning, Namjoonie. I think you might have a fever, " he said.
Namjoon sighed. "No - it's not - not fever. I'm dancing so hard just now, so - so my body reacted to it. It's - it's the heat from the rehearsal, " he retorts with a weak voice. Obviously, he is sick but refuses to admit it.
"We need to cut off the rehearsal today. You need to rest Joon," says Yoongi with concern. He notes the face of the younger is flush with red and his lips were pale and cracked a little bit.
Namjoon shakes his head vigorously before he winced when it makes his headache worsen. "No! No hyung! We - we didn't have time for that..."
Yoongi sighed. "Joon, if you collapse out of fatigue, you won't do any good to everyone else too. We didn't want you to exert yourself more than you were able to deal with. Please listen to me and we can continue our rehearsal the next day."
Namjoon nibbled his lips in agony at the statement, eyes staring on the floor blankly. He feels hopeless at the moment. He should take care of himself more. He should pay attention to his health and avoid any sickness. He can't afford to get sick at this crucial moment. They were having a performance at MAMA and now their progress comes into a halt because of him.
He didn't want to let down his members anymore. He had enough conflict with Jungkook and Taehyung. The animosity they give to him had been killing him softly. He didn't want the two keeps on hating him because of his deficiencies.
After the incident, last two days, his relationship with Jungkook and Taehyung didn't change at all. None of them were talking to each other besides a few glances throws on certain times. Namjoon was too timid to start the conversation, afraid that they will snap at him again. He didn't want to upset the two more than he had done in his little space.
"Come, let's go home baby..."
Namjoon tilted his head to the side at the velvety voice and meets with Jimin's smiling face. His heart fluttered to see the soft and tender expression, feeling at ease that Jimin had forgiven him.
He still remembers that he was surprised to see Jimin was sleeping beside him when he wakes up two hours later. He couldn't help himself from smiling as he keeps watching his dada's sleeping face. He looks so calm and beautiful. He's trying so hard to muffle his own giggles, not to offend Jimin's sleep.
He flinched when Jimin's eyelids widely open and stares at him intensely. He gasped in horror, thinking that he had disturbed the male from his sleep. Namjoon almost burst into tears out of guilt. Jimin was startled at the unexpected reaction, quickly hugged little Namjoon and peppering a few kisses on his cheek.
His heart swelled with lots of love and affection when Jimin continuously says 'I love you' and 'sorry' for acting like a bitch towards him before. Which Namjoon didn't keep any resentment in his heart at all for his mochi dada.
"Just rest for today, okay. Don't worry too much. We've been doing this routine for a few times and we won't mess up with the choreography. Don't think touch about it, " advised Jimin, bringing back Namjoon's mind to the present day.
Namjoon peers at his members one by one before he weakly nods his head. Seokjin and Hoseok helped him to get up from the floor. His legs wobbled when he stands up and Seokjin quickly grabbed on his shoulder.
"See? You're not fit enough to dance if you can't even standing straight Joonie!" snickers Seokjin. Not that he is angry but he just wants to knock some sense on Namjoon's genius brain that it's okay for him to stop when he needs to.
"Hy - hyung -" Namjoon whined when Seokjin pinched his forearm after he makes a sullen face at his words.
"Do not whine young man. You know I am right and you are wrong!" Seokjin retorts.
Namjoon rolled his eyes at the statement and let Seokjin wrapped his arm around his shoulder - helping him to walk since his legs move like a jelly. His other members had helped him to gather his belonging and waited for them in the van.
To see everyone concerns about him like this again, he feels happy. His eyes glistening with the tears seeing how the maknae line still cares of him. He appreciates that despite their misunderstanding, Jungkook and Taehyung didn't make a fuss about his sickness.
Namjoon sleeps throughout the journey to the hotel, leaning his head on Seokjin's broad shoulder comfortably. Yoongi keeps glancing at the leader and then communicate with Seokjin through his cat-eyes. Seokjin can read the concern of the rapper.
"Don't you think that he keeps getting sick this lately? I mean he constantly got a headache," tells Yoongi.
Seokjin arched his brows and nods his head in agreement with Yoongi. "I do notice. I guess the workloads had affected his health gravely."
Yoongi sighed. "Do you think we need to talk about this?" he suggested.
Seokjin paused for a moment to have a thought about it. He then turned his head to the back to look at the rest of the members. Everyone had their attention on the eldest, been listening to his conversation with Yoongi just now.
"I think we will have an emergency meeting at the hotel room," Seokjin decided.
The members didn't say anything except nodding their head. Seokjin gives them a smile of appreciation for their cooperation. Glad that everyone can see the seriousness of the situation.
"We'll let him rest first and wait until he wakes up," Seokjin added.
"I'm not going to do it alone!"
Hakyon eyes on Namjoon. He looks a little bit overwrought, blankly stares at the computer in front of him. It's been their routine to hang out at the cyber café nearby their house to discuss everything especially their passion in hip hop music.
"You can't let go of this chance, Namjoonie. If he called you after a year that's mean he noticed you and your talent. It's a waste if you didn't go," persuades Hakyon.
Namjoon groaned in frustration, rubbing his face harshly until his face turns to red. "What about you and Woonie?" he asked in exasperation.
Hakyon gives him a smile. "Don't worry about me and Woonie. As much as I hate to admit but you're far more talented than both of us..." he said wearily.
Hakyon can see how Namjoon's face crestfallen at his statement. Bewildered that Hakyon had the audacity to undermine his own talent. However, Hakyon didn't want to keep on deceiving himself. He might have the same passion as Namjoon for hip hop. But he wasn't that talented if he was to compare himself with Namjoon and Seungwoon.
That's why when he heard that Sleepy had personally contact Namjoon and asked him to go to an audition at Big Hit company - Hakyon is ecstatic. He is happy for Namjoon. This is a golden opportunity for Namjoon to show his talent to the world. Hakyon will continue to give his full supports on Namjoon.
"But we had made a promise to stick together in chasing our dream, Yoon-ah, " said Namjoon emotionally. He didn't want to go to the audition by himself. He didn't want to abandon his friends just for his own desire.
Hakyon chuckles at the mentioned of their friendship vows. "We can make an exemption for you, Namjoonie. You can't let go of your dream just because you want to cherish the childish promise..."
Namjoon looks at Hakyon in a conflict. He didn't like when Hakyon said their vows is a childish promise. They've been friends for years, going through lots of hurdle in life together and have been the biggest supporters to each other in accomplishing their dreams.
"Why are you saying like that? You know that it's been our dream to be a well-known rapper. To let the world listen to our voice, our concern, and our dreams. It's not my personal dream, Yoon-ah. It's our dream!" Namjoon states with sobriety.
Hakyon sighed. "If you go to the audition, that doesn't mean you're going to achieve your own alone, Namjoon. You bring along our passion and spirit together. You are going to make our dreams come true."
"Hakyon, I'm - "
Hakyon pats on Namjoon shoulder. "Just go, Namjoon. I'll talk about this to Seungwoon and I'm sure he'll understand..."
Namjoon didn't feel confident to go to the audition alone without his two friends. He keeps thinking what if he forgets his lyric once again? He is in torn between his ambition and friendship. Even though he is dying to go but he can't betray his friends like this. They've been together in every rap battles and auditions.
"Do for us, Namjoon..."
Namjoon exhaled a long and deep breath before he finally nods his head. "O - okay. Not that I'm going to get through on the second round though..."
Hakyon chuckles at his low self-esteem remark. Namjoon gives him a weary smile, still didn't feel good to go to the audition without Hakyon and Seungwoon.
Namjoon didn't know that his decision to go for the audition will change his life drastically. Namjoon didn't know his selfish desire to be a rapper will make him lost the most precious things in his life.
Seungwoon.
And,
Hakyon.
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Notes:
Hello my favorite people 🤭🤭
Thanks for reading this and sorry for the slow pace on the revelation of the Namjoon's past. I think it's a must for me to tell the story so that all of you can understand the reason why Sukhoon had a grudge over Namjoon.
Hint: there's connection between Sukhoon, Seungwoon, Hakyon and Namjoon.
But what? 😏
Chapter 29: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙀𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏
Chapter Text
After resting and take a good nap for three hours, Namjoon gets up a little bit fresh than before. The headache already subsides but it’s still there. At least he didn’t need another painkiller.
He took a shower, wearing his favorite Ryan pajamas and ready to work with his laptop when someone knocked on his door. He frowned as he glanced at his phone to see the time. It’s almost ten p.m. and the housekeeping won’t be around this hour so he guessed it must be his bandmate. Either Seokjin or Yoongi. Maybe both.
Namjoon immediately walked to the door and when he opened it, his eyes widen to see not only Seokjin or Yoongi but everyone is standing in front of him – wearing pajamas with a silly grin on their faces. Namjoon frets in confusion.
“Why all of you are here? Are we going to have a slumber party?” he asked in sarcasm but utterly confused. They never discuss any party before. The presence of his bandmates sparks the curiosity in his mind.
Ignoring Namjoon question and confusion, Seokjin walked passed by him and entered the room uninvited. Then the rest of the members follows suit leaving Namjoon on the door flabbergasted. His lips parted in aw shuck at his bandmates demeanor, groaned in annoyance at the nuisance. He shut his door a little bit harsh to express his disapproval for being ignored.
Namjoon stares at his members on by one, now scattered around on his bed leisurely. “Can someone tell me why all of you are here?” he asked for the second time, a little bit irritated. His plan to do some work was ruined at the sudden intrusion.
Seokjin leaned on the headboard as he straightened his long legs on the soft mattress. He then makes a gesture with his hand, beckons over the leader to join him and the rest on his king's size mattress. He pats on the empty spot beside him.
“Come here, Joonie. Sit with us!” Seokjin urged.
Namjoon brows arched. “What is this all about?” he asked without moving an inch. Voice rising a little bit since everyone refuses to give him the answer he wants. He won’t do anything until Seokjin or his members explain to him the reason why they were here, in his room at this hour, instead of resting. On his bed!
Yoongi huffed in annoyance at Namjoon's stubbornness. He lazily gets up from his comfortable spot, approaching the flustered Namjoon and dragged his hand to the bed – forcefully. Namjoon was trying to put a fight but Yoongi hissed at him, making Namjoon flinch and obeyed his hyung at instances.
Yoongi pushed Namjoon's body to the bed, forcing him to sit in between of him and Seokjin. Taehyung sits at Seokjin's feet and Jungkook at Yoongi's. Meanwhile, Jimin and Hoseok take an empty spot in the middle, near Namjoon's feet – facing their beloved leader.
Everyone seems comfortable on their spot except Namjoon. He’s still wondering what is happening and why the members acting so weird right now.
Namjoon takes a deep breath while he crossed his arms to his chest. “So can we talk right now?” he asked, a little bit pissed off since no one says anything to him. The reason why they were hijacking his room and makes him as a hostage in his own room.
“We’re having a pillow talk tonight!” said Jimin with a wide grin until his eyes turn into a crescent moon shape – but for Namjoon it looks like he just closed his eyes. What a cutie pie!
“Pillow talk?” Namjoon was baffled at Jimin's explanation. “What do you mean by pillow talk?” he continues to ask. Extremely dumbfounded.
“Well…”
Namjoon cocked his head to his side at the dragged tone of Seokjin. He looks at his hyung with a frown on his forehead. Looking at the serious expression of the eldest, Namjoon's heart immediately beats really fast. His eyes quiver, unease at the sudden tense air.
“Did – did I do something – something wrong?” Namjoon asked with a shaking voice. His eyes soon glazed with tears, thinking that he might make his bandmates upset again.
Seokjin gasped at the reaction, immediately reached for Namjoon's hand and squeezed it firmly. “Oh God! No! There’s nothing wrong Namjoon. Don’t worry,” explained Seokjin frantically, afraid that Namjoon will misunderstand their intention.
Everyone looks concerned at their leader's mental breakdown. Yoongi took Namjoon's other hand and interlace their fingers together. It’s an assurance that there’s nothing to worry about. He wanted to ease the worry in Namjoon's heart.
Namjoon tends to overthink something trivial and Yoongi didn’t want Namjoon to think the worst about the current situation. He didn’t want Namjoon to over analyze the reason why everyone is here now.
“There’s nothing serious, Namjoon. It’s just a small talk,” said Yoongi as he continues to clutch Namjoon's hand.
Namjoon frowned. He can't brush away his apprehension over the possibility of why everyone is here. It must be something serious if they barged in like this. It can't be small talk. They never do small talk. They never had a group discussion unless there’s something important or crucial that needs everyone to give their opinion.
Namjoon holds his breath in horror when his worst thought comes to his mind. Are they going to disband? They used to talk about disbandment before. It was the most intense moment in his life after they debuted as BTS.
The dread feeling when everyone used to consider about disbandment is really terrifying. It feels like someone had stabbed the knife to his heart. It’s painful and really hurt. Physically and emotionally. His role as the leader has been questioned. He feels he had failed his members.
And now they are here again, with the same intense expression. Namjoon froze on his spot, thinking about the possibility that they want BTS to disband for real this time. Is this the end?
It’s all his fault. He failed to be a good leader. He makes everyone frustrated at him. And the problem with Taehyung and Jungkook had been prolonged for a quite sometime without any solution. He lets them drift apart. He shouldn’t do that. He makes the situation from bad to worst.
It’s all my fault. I'm the worst leader of all. I'm –
“Namjoon!”
Namjoon’s body jerked at the shouting, looking at Yoongi with his wide eyes. And when he averted his eyes towards his members, everyone is looking at him with concern.
What –
“Why are you crying, hyung?” Jimin asked as he scooted closer to Namjoon.
Namjoon frowned, blinking his eyes when he realized his eyelashes were wet with tears. Namjoon touched his cheek and can feel the droplet. He didn’t realize that he was crying while he was debating with his pathetic self.
Namjoon dragged his knees and pressed its to his chest. His arms wrapped around his leg as he leaned his chin on the top of it. “Are we – are we going to disband? For real?” Namjoon asked timidly. He can’t get rid the idea of his bandmates wants to go a separate way – living their own life without being a part of BTS anymore.
A few murmured can be heard in the room but Namjoon didn’t have the heart to see his member's expression at the moment. He continues to brood, thinking about his deficiency and blunder as the leader. His tears are unstoppable. His heart is aching. He is on the verge of a breakdown.
“Joon-ah, why are you thinking about disbandment again? None of us here ever talks about it anymore…” Seokjin velvety voice breaks the gloomy mood. His palm circling on Namjoon's back after he saw the leader crying and breathing a little bit faster. He’s afraid that Namjoon will have a panic attack if he didn’t try to calm him down.
Namjoon inhaled a sharp breath, shakily breath it out before he shook his head weakly. “Everything is a mess right now. And – and I make everyone upset. I – maybe I’m not a good – good leader at all, ” Namjoon said with a croaked voice. It sounds so sad and depressing.
The room is quiet as if they were mourning over something; a minute of silence. No one said anything, exchanging glances with each other meaningfully. The sadness on their faces is noticeable as they saw their leader's troubled expression. Their hearts clenched with the same sorrow and anguish.
“Joon, why are you –“
“I want to say sorry to Taehyung and Jungkook,” interrupts Namjoon hastily, didn’t give the chance for Hoseok to finish his question. He thought he needs to apologize since they were discussing the disbandment. Maybe this is his last chance to say it to his friends, his bandmates.
“Sorry for what?” Yoongi asked in confusion as he fixed his eyes towards the two maknaes in front of him.
Taehyung and Jungkook were shell shocked at the sudden apology by Namjoon, caught off guard as they weren’t prepared to discuss it with everyone yet. Taehyung flicked his gaze on Jungkook and he notices the uneasy expression on Jungkook's look.
“What is this all about, Tae? Jungkook?” Seokjin asked as he can feel the distressed mood between the three involved.
Taehyung swallowed dryly. “Actually, we – I mean Jungkook and I were going to talk about this tonight. Well, to ask Namjoon-hyung the real situation that leads to our – emm – our misunderstanding,” he clarified in a stammering speech.
Jungkook nods affirmatively. Both in consensus that they should explain themselves about the crisis between them and the leader to everyone.
“Misunderstanding? What kind of misunderstanding?” asked Seokjin.
“Hyung, I think we need to let Tae and Kookie explained about this,” Jimin said calmly. Didn’t want anyone to interrupt before Taehyung and Jungkook tells everyone the story.
Seokjin looks at Jimin questionably, aware that the mochi had the knowledge about the situation. Seokjin then tilted his head to Yoongi where’s the rapper slightly nods his head – agree with Jimin’s suggestion to listen to the younger’s story before bringing up any question.
Taehyung takes the silence of everyone is a cue for him to start the conversation. “This happens when we were in the US for the AGT. We heard that Namjoon-hyung feels tired that he needs to become our translator since none of us are fluent in English. He needs to do most of the works and feels that we didn’t help him at all.”
The hyung line was shocked to hear the confession, looking at Taehyung incredulously with disturbed faces. The three were fighting but none of them knows about it? The masquerade they wore are certainly remarkable.
“Did you really said that Namjoon?” interrogate Yoongi with a serious tone.
Namjoon shook his head. “It’s – it’s a misunderstanding. I – I was talking to Sukhoon-ssi about the schedules and everything when Tae and Jungkook heard part of our conversation. That’s when they misunderstood the whole thing. I – I didn’t say anything at that time. It’s Sukhoon – and – and – I just let that happen – it's my fault – but I try to explain – still – I – I –“
“I believe it’s a mere misunderstanding and Namjoon-hyung didn’t say anything like that,” Jimin interrupt when he saw how Namjoon is struggling to explain himself.
Yoongi huffed at the assertion, looking at Namjoon before he bid his eyes towards Taehyung and Jungkook in turns. “Then?”
Taehyung takes a deep breath before he continues to talk. “Then we kinda pissed off at Namjoon-hyung. We – we’d defied his effort to explain to us and said something hurtful to him. But – but later we realized that we had acted childishly and selfish…”
Seokjin sneers at the statement, almost burst into a fit of anger before Yoongi pats on his shoulder to calm him down. Seokjin inhaled and exhale to gain inner peace before he and Yoongi swap a significant gaze with Hoseok.
Hoseok clears his throat, comprehend the clue given by the two male. “Namjoon? Do you have anything to say about this?” he divert the attention back to Namjoon.
Namjoon still hugging his knees didn’t say anything neither have any expression on his face after listening to Taehyung's justification. The tears had stopped and left with a few sniffs. Everyone was nervous seeing their leader in such posture, waiting for him to say something. It’s a bone-chilling moment for the rest of the members. Namjoon has never been so quiet and it's killing them softly.
Namjoon slowly stretching out his legs, leaned on the headboard while he heaved a deep sigh. He shut his eyes for a few seconds, his lower lips jutted in concentration and he keeps fisting his hand into a tight ball. As if he was thinking thoroughly about what he’s going to say to his friends. Like, he was trying to find a suitable word to express his thought without hurting anyone.
“I'm tired…” he whispered in a dejected voice. It carries the exhaustion, grieves, disappointment, and frustration. Namjoon sounded like he’s giving up.
Everyone was horrified at the sudden confession, gawking at the leader bewildered.
“Joon, what’re –“
“Everything makes me tired, hyung. And – and I think I need a rest. A proper sleep…” Namjoon cuts off Yoongi abruptly. Didn’t let him say anything before him. His body slumps further and it makes him looks so small and vulnerable.
“But Joon –“
“This emotional talk makes me exhausted. I – I have plenty of works to do right now. I don’t think that I want to waste my time talking something trivial like this.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Namjoon?!” shrieked Yoongi while he looks at Namjoon furiously. Not that he’s angry but he was upset to hear that from Namjoon.
Everyone was taken aback at the outburst, looking at Yoongi and Namjoon anxiously. But Namjoon seems didn’t bother about Yoongi's wrath. He just sits there, blankly staring into nothing. As if he wasn’t there at all. Soulless.
Seokjin notices there’s something off about Namjoon. He cupped on Namjoon's face, forcing the leader to face him. Seokjin’s heart sunk when he saw the dull eyes of Namjoon.
“Joon? Are you listening to me right now?” asked Seokjin with concern, trying to gain the attention of the younger. Everyone was watching with puzzled.
Namjoon didn’t reply. Instead, he just nods his head once.
“Tell hyung, what’s wrong? This is not the real you. I know you won’t say anything like this. This is not the Namjoon I’ve known all this time…” coaxed Seokjin with a tender and soft voice. As if he was afraid to break Namjoon apart. As if Namjoon is like glass; fragile and precarious.
Namjoon brows pucker before his eyes slowly meet with Seokjin's orbs. It doesn’t take too long before a puddle of tears starts to accumulate on the dam of his eyes.
“Sorry, hyung… I didn’t mean to say that. I was just – just –“
“I’m sorry hyung!” cuts Taehyung abruptly.
Namjoon tilted his head to see the younger, frowning at his sudden apology. Taehyung fidgeting at his silence, clearing his throat before he continues to speak.
“Actually I and Jungkook is a little bit overreacting before and we should listen to your explanation before we jump into our own conclusion…” he said remorsefully.
Jungkook nods his head, agreed with Taehyung. “I’m sorry too. For the things happen in the US and for the incident at our dorm. I shouldn’t shout at you and –“
“What do you mean you’re shouting at Namjoon?”
Jungkook shivered at the venom leeching out from the voice, slowly turned his eyes in an erratic heartbeat. He flinched when he saw the piercing gaze of Yoongi, looking at him like he is ready to kill him on the spot.
Well, his mistake after all. He shouldn’t bring up about the incident since no one from the hyung line knows about what had happened that day. No one ever said anything when Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok came back to the house later that day.
Not even Namjoon. And lucky for Jungkook and Taehyung that Namjoon had been out from the little space. They were scared at first, afraid that Namjoon will have another break down in front of the other caregivers – telling them what had he and Taehyung had done to him.
It seems Jimin managed to handle little Namjoon very well. They heard a few giggles from the leader's room, playing with Jimin. As if he never cried before. A guilt tug on their heart but they were too ashamed of their wrongdoing and cowardly stay in Jungkook's room; remorsing their horrible act.
“It’s nothing hyung. It’s just another misunderstanding,” said Namjoon, saving the maknaes from being the subject to Yoongi's wrath.
Jungkook and Taehyung bows in shame at their leader's forgiving act – feeling worse than before for treating their leader like that.
“When this happen?” asked Yoongi, ignoring Namjoon's pleading eyes. He gawked at Taehyung and Jungkook, obviously frightened at his gruff voice and grim face.
“It’s – it’s –“
“Hyung, please. It’s nothing. I don’t have any grudge or mad at the two. We were just exhausted from all the non-stop schedules. We just snapped at one point. It’s nothing serious,” Namjoon interrupt, didn’t let Jungkook talk. In fact, he feels sorry seeing how Jungkook and Taehyung cowered in fear. He never wanted the maknae to be in this situation. It makes his heart hurt.
Jungkook eyes on Namjoon, a little bit shook when Namjoon selflessly defending him from Yoongi. His eyes slowly glossed with unshed tears. He was acting like a brat for weeks but Namjoon still didn’t hold any animosity towards him.
When Namjoon gives him a smile of assurance to soothe his grief, Jungkook bites his lips in agony – didn’t want to let his tears to fall. He didn’t want to show his pathetic self in front of the strong leader. He didn’t deserve to inflict any emotional pain towards Namjoon once again.
“But Namjoon –“
“Yoongi…”
Yoongi stopped instantly when Seokjin grabbed his hand and shook his head slowly – withheld the rapper from saying anything further. Yoongi grunted in frustration but choose to listen to Seokjin this time.
If Namjoon said okay, that’s mean it is okay. Eventhough Yoongi is dying to protest his decision not to share with him and the rest about the whole situation – Yoongi is going to respect that.
“I’m really sorry, hyung…” whispered Jungkook as he stares at Namjoon, to show his genuine feeling.
Namjoon shook his head. “It's okay Kookie. Let bygone be bygone. There’s nothing to be sorry for. Everyone just tired and I understand that sometimes we become emotional.”
“Hyung, for what we had said to you, all the cruel things – we are really sorry. You don’t deserve all the shits. You’ve done so much for us, for the group and we’re being ungrateful to that,” said Taehyung.
Namjoon chuckles softly. “There’s no such thing as I'm doing more than the others. We are together in this, we played a significant role in BTS. We had our own part and responsibility. We carry the same weight on our shoulder,” he states.
Everyone took a shuddering breath at the speech, feeling touched at Namjoon's sincerity. His virtue as BTS leader never fails to make everyone in the group to feels amazed. He never complains about his workload, neither he had to make a face for doing the extra works. He always smiles and takes everything handed to him gracefully. For him, it is his duty as the leader.
“But you’re doing so much this lately and we didn’t like how you’re pushing yourself off-limit. You keep on getting sick, Joon-ah…” mentioned Hoseok with concern. And everyone seems to agree with the dancer.
Namjoon fretted before he sighed. He notices the constant headache he had past few weeks but there was nothing serious. Namjoon thought his body reacted in such a way because he was too stressed about the works plus with the conflict with the maknaes. But now everything has been cleared up, his mind once again found its peace. He feels lighter than before.
“Me and Taehyung will work hard to enhance our English skill so that we can help you doing the interview abroad…” said Jungkook solemnly.
Namjoon raises one of his brows in amusement. “Are you sure about that? I don’t have any problem to be your translator but if you really want to do that, it will be great for you and Tae though. It’s good for your own reputation…”
“Tha – thank you hyung…” Jungkook sheepishly replied.
“So, are we okay now? Right?” asked Jimin with a wide smile on his face.
Everyone heartily laughed at the comment before each of them nods their head. Their heart now at ease that they managed to settle the conflict without having an argumentative discussion.
“I think we need a group hug!” suggest Hoseok cheerfully, wiggling his brows playfully.
“Yes!!” Jungkook and Taehyung shouted in unison and they both burst in boisterous laughter.
“Ugh, I hate skinship!” mumbled Yoongi in annoyance.
“Come on Yoongi!” urged Seokjin.
“Joonie want a group hug?” asked Jimin while he looks at Namjoon with a beautiful smile.
Namjoon cheeks tinged with a pink hue, looking at Jimin and his other members one by one. Everyone is waiting for his answer and Namjoon can feel how the butterfly roamed in his stomach.
“I think – we – we need to do a group hug, ” he answered shyly with his tiny voice.
Yoongi immediately pinched on Namjoon's chubby cheek, cooing over his cuteness. “Aigoo, our Joonie is really cute! Let’s do a group hug then!”
Seokjin chided at Yoongi's demeanor and the others were rolling their eyes at his change of attitude. They already know how the rapper always had a soft spot for Namjoon. And sometimes it makes them cringed.
When Yoongi hogging over Namjoon from his side like a koala, the other members pitched forward and swarm over Namjoon on the bed. Namjoon yelped at the sudden attack but later he laughed when his bandmates were pushing among themselves when they try to have Namjoon for their own.
Which later, obviously Jungkook had won the fight. And Namjoon sleeps with Jungkook that night. Making the others leaving the two with sulking faces. Jungkook grinned in victory, giving his smug face to the rest of his members. A few disapproved sound being made by the rest as they leave the room; defeated by the golden maknae.
Jungkook held Namjoon in his arms, while Namjoon rests his head on Jungkook's firm chest. It’s been a while since they were being so close like this. And it feels so nice and warm as they hugging each other without any ill-feeling. Just love and love.
Before drifting to the dreamland, Namjoon makes a mental note to himself that he will give the picture he had drawn to Jungkook.
Hyungie will like it!
Later that night, Namjoon wakes up at the shrill noise of his phone. He groaned in annoyance as he was soundly sleeping in the arms of Jungkook. He squinted his eyes towards his phone in the dark, frowning when it’s a private number. He glanced at the time on the top of the screen and grimaced to see its three in the morning.
Nonetheless, Namjoon answered the phone, thinking that its maybe an important call. “Hello?” he answered, almost whispering as he is afraid to wake Jungkook from his deep sleep. His voice was croaked and hoarse – a hint that he just awake and exhausted.
“Hello, Namjoonie?”
Namjoon frowned. “Who's this?”
“It’s me, Namjoonie.”
“Who?”
“Seungwoon…”
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Chapter 30: 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙀
Notes:
A fast update because this book had reached 100k reads in my wattpad account. Thanks to all my beloved readers, without you this book is nothing. I really appreciate all the supports you’d given me throughout the chapters. This is a special gift to you, so it’s a pure fluff chapter with a little bit of surprise at the end 😏
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon groaned in his sleep when there’s something on his waist, wrapping over his body so tight that he can’t move at all. He tried to yank away the heavy thing over his torso but then his ears caught some murmurs to his ears.
Who’s that?
Namjoon snapped open his eyes in terror and look to his side – to see who’s the stranger been sleeping on his bed. Namjoon gasped when he saw Jungkook was soundly asleep and their face only a few inches apart.
Namjoon exhaled in relief when he remembered that the maknae had a sleepover in his room last night. Namjoon laid on his back, rubbing his sleepy face with both of his hands and curse himself for being dumb.
Namjoon yelped when Jungkook pulled his body into a tight hug as they both lay on their side. Jungkook put his chin on top of Namjoon’s head where his face been squished to Jungkook's firm chest. Namjoon rolled his eyes for their awkward position and nudged over Jungkook's shoulder lightly – wanting the maknae to loosen the grip over his body.
Namjoon let another squeak when Jungkook dragged his body closer, burying his face on Namjoon’s fluffy hair. Namjoon's face turns to crimson red at their close proximity. Their bodies basically been glued together where he can hear the faint sound of Jungkook's heartbeat.
It’s an uncomfortable posture for the two since Namjoon is taller than Jungkook. But it feels so right and Namjoon fits perfectly in the arms of Jungkook. It makes Namjoon feel so small despite the differences in their body proportion. Jungkook makes him feel safe and protected at the same time.
Namjoon snuggled further to Jungkook, giggling when Jungkook's breath fanning over his hair – a little bit ticklish. He can be in this position for the whole day, lying on the bed in the warmth of Jungkook's embrace. It feels so good.
Namjoon slowly slithered his arm around Jungkook's torso effortlessly as his mind slowly begins to regress into a little space. It’s unexpected but Namjoon couldn’t help himself. Like, there’s something stirred in his gut and he just wants to curl himself to make himself look tiny and small.
Namjoon shut his eyelids, relishing the moment with Jungkook while he grinned foolishly. It’s so cozy and homey. But then Jungkook moves slightly and Namjoon whined at the sudden action.
“Joonie?” Jungkook rubbed his sleepy eyes with his paw, and look down at Namjoon who’s still hugging him.
“No… hyungie! Sweep wif Joonie!” he whined when Jungkook tried to get up.
Jungkook chuckles as Namjoon pressed his head further to his chest, tugging his shirt asking him to lay down on the bed. Jungkook let out a small grunt, stretching his sore limbs before he reached over his phone on the nightstand. He squinted his eyes on the phone, peeping for the time. It’s eight in the morning.
Jungkook crashed his head on the pillow in weariness. “Fuck! We have rehearsal at 9.30!” he said in annoyance, more to himself. He then turns his head to see Namjoon, now pouting his lips. “What's wrong baby?” he asked.
Namjoon huffed. “Hyungie, say – say the F word! Appa – appa angwy! No meanie words pwease!”
Jungkook laughs at the complaint and immediately apologizes. “Okay – okay I’m sorry!” He knows Seokjin had alerted everyone not to curse in front of Namjoon when he’s being a little. Namjoon tends to pick up those words and will keep saying it relentlessly.
Yoongi had slipped out his tongue one day. Saying the F word in front of Namjoon. And Namjoon, as innocent as he is, had been uttering the same profanity word for the whole day to everyone – leaving everyone bewildered. Seokjin gives the oldest rapper his famous murderous stare for leading on the little.
So they come up with a new set of rules. No cursing words. And Namjoon has been explained that the F word is a ‘meanie’ word and a good boy will not say it to anyone at any time whatsoever. Being a good boy, Namjoon promise not to say it again; forever and ever.
As much as Jungkook likes to lay down on the bed with Namjoon for the whole day – to make up the times where he had been mean to the little, they need to get up for their final rehearsal at the venue. The MAMA award is tonight and they need to finalize everything and make sure all the preparation is perfected.
“We really need to gets up, baby!” Jungkook said while taps his finger on Namjoon's nose playfully. He laughed when Namjoon makes a funny face, didn’t like it when Jungkook asked him to get up from the bed. “Come on baby. Gets up, we need to go for our final rehearsal and the soundcheck…” he mentioned.
Namjoon pouted. “Joonie tired!” he said while he yawns. Namjoon ignored the fact that they will be late if they didn’t move from the bed as soonest.
Jungkook smiles fondly at the little. He slowly detached his body from Namjoon's arm, making the little to whine in disapproval. He rolled his back to the bed and continue his fussing on the pillow childishly.
Jungkook laughed at the antic but quickly grabbed on Namjoon's hand – yanking him up from the comfy mattress. Namjoon glared at Jungkook, a little bit irritated that the maknae had forced him to get up.
“After the performance tonight, we can sleep as much as we want Joonie. Don’t you excited that we’re going to perform Anpanman? You like the song a lot!” coaxed Jungkook as he ruffled Namjoon's bed hair.
Namjoon puffed his chubby cheek and let out the umpteenth whine for the day. He’s a little bit tired and wanted to stay in the hotel room – resting and playing with his hyungie. But little Namjoon knows that he can’t do that. Big Namjoon has the responsibility to be fulfilled. He can’t be selfish and let big Namjoon face the consequences of his ignorant attitudes.
Namjoon let out a deep sighed, still pouting, and finally gave in as he bobbed his head in defeat. “Hmm, o – otay!”
“Good boy!” praised Jungkook and he quickly pressed his lips on Namjoon's head.
Namjoon smiles faltered and his face beamed joyfully, feeling the pride at the compliment. Little Namjoon always loves the praises. Whenever his caregiver applauds him for doing something, his heart swells with pride that he had pleased them. It’s some sort of accomplishment he gained in little space. A recognition and appreciation.
“Hyungie!!” Namjoon screeched when Jungkook jumped out from the bed, wanted to go back to his room for a shower.
Jungkook turned his body, frowning when he watched how excited Namjoon is rummaging his luggage on the floor. “Joonie?”
Namjoon squeal in joy when he finds the thing he had been looking for. He immediately runs towards Jungkook and flashed the paper to Jungkook. His feet bouncing happily while he shows his drawing to Jungkook.
“Joonie wanna – wanna gif this to hyungie. Joonie dwaw – and – and cowor it. Wook! It’s pwetty!” he said chirpily.
Jungkook stares with his doe eyes at the drawing. An image of Ironman colored beautifully by Namjoon. Jungkook gasped when he saw his name and Namjoon on the paper.
“Aw, Joonie…” Jungkook eyes glistening with tears of happiness and gratification. He feels so touched that Namjoon had drawn it while thinking of him, even though they were not in a good term before.
Jungkook takes the drawing, looking at it for a few seconds, smiling up to his ears. His heart combusts with a mixture of emotion; mostly happiness. “It’s – it’s beautiful, Joonie-ah!” he said with a scratchy voice, trying to conceal his desire to cry. But his tears already cascade down to his cheek unwillingly.
Namjoon cocked his head to the side, peered over Jungkook who is crying. “Why – why hyungie cwy? Hyungie no wike that?” Namjoon asked with a shaken voice. He thought he had done something wrong that Jungkook ends up crying.
Maybe his drawing so ugly that Jungkook hates it!
Jungkook quickly shook his head, denying the allegation. He lifts up his head and facing his face to Namjoon. He then clutched the drawing to his chest, hugging it dearly as if it’s the most precious and valuable thing he ever received from Namjoon.
“No! I – I really like this. Well, like is not the right word to describe my feeling right now. I love it, Joonie. I really – really love this drawing. It’s beautiful and you did a good job doing this. I’m – I’m really thankful that you’d given me this.” Jungkook explained in a choking voice, trying not to shed any tears in front of Namjoon. But it’s a futile attempt since he’s already a crying mess.
“We – weally?”
Jungkook nods his head in an affirmative way before he staggered forward and hugged Namjoon's lanky body tightly. Namjoon squeaked at the sudden gesture. But later it turns into a giggle fit and he wrapped his long arms around Jungkook's torso.
Jungkook placed a chaste kiss on the side of Namjoon's head a few times. “Hyungie sorry for being so mean before…” he said earnestly.
Even though he had apologized to Namjoon last night, Jungkook believes that he needs to say sorry to little Namjoon too. For acting ruthlessly that day, shouting at him when he’s in the little space. It was a shameful act and Jungkook is regretting it.
Namjoon hummed and nuzzled his face on Jungkook's neck further. He had forgotten about the incident but at the same time, he feels happy that his hyungie didn’t mad at him anymore. It makes him afraid and sad before. But everything is in the past. Now Jungkook is treating him well. Nothing else matter.
“Hyungie loves Joonie so much. Remember that, okay?” said Jungkook, whispering to Namjoon's ear.
Namjoon giggles cutely. “Otay! Joonie wove hyungie too…”, he replied with his little voice.
Jungkook pushed Namjoon's body slightly as he gleams at the little mischievously. “Hyungie loves Joonie three!” he teases.
Namjoon brows pucker. “No! Joonie wove hyungie more. It – it's four!” he cried.
Jungkook let out a burst of boisterous laughter at the reaction. “Emm that can’t be because hyungie loves you more. Five!”
Namjoon huffed in irritation. “Six! Six! Six!” he continues to rebut, lips jutted in dissatisfaction.
“Seven?” continue Jungkook with a smug face, raising his brows comically.
Namjoon whined and hits Jungkook on the chest, but not too harsh to inflict any pain to the maknae. “Hyungie!”
Jungkook pulled Namjoon's body into another hug and laughed heartily looking at how Namjoon is sulking at his teasing. He cupped the back of Namjoon's head and caressed his back softly.
“Okay – okay! You win. You love hyungie more…” Jungkook said to ease the little. But deep down inside his heart, Jungkook still debating with himself that – he loves Namjoon more than anything. Namjoon is his paragon, his first and last role model. He has a special place in his heart, someone who he always looks for.
My first boy's crush!
Namjoon blinked his eyes rapidly, biting his lips and taps his feet on the floor anxiously. He couldn’t move his eyes from staring at the outfit that he need to wear that night performing Anpanman.
Namjoon tilted his head to Seokjin and Yoongi before darted back to the row of the wardrobe. He tries not to regress into little space, but looking at the situation right now – he’s not sure whether he can refrain himself from doing so. It’s intriguing and tempting.
“Namjoonie?”
Namjoon hummed without breaking the eye contact at his outfit hanging in the corner of the room.
“Are you okay?” asked Seokjin when Namjoon basically ignored him. He approached the leader and notes that his attention is somewhere else. Something is bothering him.
“What’re you looking at?” Seokjin asked again as he joined Namjoon on the divan.
Namjoon briefly turned his head to Seokjin before swiftly moving his head back to the corner of the room. Seokjin follows his motions and frowned to see the wardrobe.
“Why are you looking at the clothes?” he asked in curiosity.
Namjoon sighed. “Hy – hyung, do – do I need to wear that?” he asked timidly while pointing at his assigned costume.
“Why? You didn’t like it?” retort Seokjin.
Namjoon shook his head. “No – not like that. But – but –“
Seokjin gasped when something clicked in his mind. “Namjoon-ah? Don’t tell me that – oh my God!” he shrieked, causing everyone in the room to have their attention at him and Namjoon.
Every member of BTS immediately moved towards them, staring at Seokjin and Namjoon in turn with confusion at the earlier commotion.
“What’s wrong Jin-hyung?” asked Jimin.
Seokjin sticks out his lips over Namjoon and the rest were looking at him with raised brows. Namjoon still looking at the costume, didn’t care about his bandmates at all.
“Namjoonie?” Yoongi attempts to draw the male's attention.
“I think he’s on the verge of regressing, ” muttered Seokjin scandalously. His voice is quiet, afraid that someone else might hear him.
Everyone gasped in horror at the mention, now fully alarmed when they saw how Namjoon's eyes fixated at his spacesuit costume that he needs to wear during the performance. The spacesuit had triggered Namjoon.
“Oh, God! What now? We can’t let him being a little while performing!” spurted Hoseok worriedly.
Seokjin sighed. He looks at the watch, realizing that they’re going onto the stage within an hour. His eyes on Namjoon again. He massaged his temple, feigning for the non-existence headache.
“He’s fully regressed!” whispered Yoongi in horror and everyone tense up when they saw how Namjoon put his thumb between his parted lips – sucking on it carelessly.
“Joonie–” Seokjin is at words lost, staring at the leader. Seokjin grabbed Namjoon's hand, pulling out the thumb from his mouth before someone saw him doing it. Namjoon whined at the lost, now looking at his appa with his glassy eyes.
“Ap – appa!” he called Seokjin, voice turn a sharp blade, indicating that he’s in a little space.
Seokjin smiles wearily. “Darling, are you a little right now?” he asks for something evident.
Namjoon bobbed his head. “Appa, Joonie – Joonie wan – wan,” he’s stuttering, didn’t know the exact word to say it but he pointed at the spacesuit.
“You want to wear it now?” Seokjin asked.
Namjoon nods while smiling widely, revealing his perfect white teeth. “Ye – yes! Joonie wanna be astwo – astwo - not!” he said with excitement. He looks really eager to wear it, keeps flicking his eyes on the suit and Seokjin in turns.
Seokjin cracks up at his words but at the same time, a little bit amazed that Namjoon had used the word ‘astronaut’ instead of ‘spaceman’. Despite being a little, Namjoon's genius brain still working faultlessly.
Seokjin traded looks with the other members as they were swooning over Namjoon cutesy behavior. “Yoongi, we can’t let him perform like this. It won’t do any good for us. It’s too dangerous for him. He might expose himself…” said Seokjin in a wary voice.
Yoongi nods in agreement. “I’ll talk to him, you guys get ready first. Okay?”
Seokjin and the others left Namjoon with Yoongi meanwhile they take their outfit for the day. Namjoon eyes quiver with nervousness when he saw everyone had left him. He fretted but a little bit soothed that his daddy is here with him.
“Daddy!” he squealed when Yoongi squatted down in front of him.
Yoongi shows his gummy smile to the little and slowly takes Namjoon's hand. “Do you like the suit?” he asked carefully.
Namjoon gives a solid ‘emm’ as the answer and shakes his head energetically.
Yoongi takes a deep breath before he proceeds to speak. “Well, you can wear the suit but you need to do one thing for daddy. Is it okay?”
Namjoon scrunched his nose at the sudden deal, cocking his head to the side in confusion.
“Daddy needs big Joonie to sing and dance with us for a while. You know that we have a performance after this, right? Little Joonie cannot do that with us –“
“Why? Joonie can – can dance!” Namjoon abruptly intervenes and looking at Yoongi with a sullen expression.
Yoongi bites his lips. He didn’t want to hurt little Namjoon's feelings right now, but to let him on the stage in that state of mind is not a good decision. He wasn’t prepared to be outed in front of thousands of people. It will make him vulnerable and Yoongi is convinced that little Namjoon will end up crying on the stage.
“No baby. This is different. This is not like what’re you doing in the room. Here, you will be singing and dancing in front of thousands of people, in a big and humongous stage…” explain Yoongi.
Namjoon huffed. “Joonie scawed! Joonie wanna stay here…”
Yoongi caressed Namjoon's hand softly. “Daddy knows. That’s why daddy wants big Namjoon right now. Can you do that for daddy?” He goes on with convincing the little.
“But – but Joonie wanna be astwo – not!”
Yoongi amusedly laughs at the request. “Of course you’re going to be the astronaut. Well, I’ll ask the stylist to let you have the suit after the performance. You can wear it for one day and play at the hotel. Okay?”
Namjoon lips parted at the idea, gasping like a fish while he thinks that he’s going to wear the spacesuit all day long. His lips slowly twitched into a wide smile and his face beaming in euphoria. “O – otay!!” he finally conceded.
Yoongi sighed in relief. It wasn’t so hard to persuade little Namjoon. He gradually slipped out from his little space, but of course, causing a few ruckuses when Yoongi been helping him wearing the spacesuit.
Namjoon was bouncing and in a giggling mess, examining himself through the mirror while he shows off the suit. Everyone is charmed by his adorable behavior and they can see how much he loves the suit.
During the performance of Anpanman, Namjoon is trying so hard not to regress, giving his all to sing and rap in front of the fans. He enjoyed himself so much on the stage, delivering his very best alongside his bandmates.
Well, of course, he was ecstatic and towards the end of the song, his mind was hazy as he couldn’t help himself from feeling thrilled, thinking he can keep wearing the suit after the end of the performance.
He didn’t realize that he had slipped into a little space again when the music ended. He can’t control his body and he fell on his butt while doing his last posture. All his caregivers were shocked to see him down on the stage but laughing in fondness at his cuteness. They had used to Namjoon's clumsiness but this time it is so endearing and wonderful.
Namjoon was flabbergasted at first but he raised his hand higher, ended the song successfully. He gnawed his lower lips when he saw his caregivers were enjoying themselves watching him in that situation. He glared at each of them and they were just laughing at his demeanor.
But a smile crept onto Namjoon's face as he feels proud of everyone. The performance is amazing and perfectly done. They had kick it up a notch and had put extra effort into it. They managed to entertain the crowd and left them to faze watching the grand scale of it.
They hurriedly run towards the backstage to give the way to the next group. They can hear the cheering of the fans from the side of the stage, giving them a small wave for their endless supports.
And among the crowd, Namjoon breathes hitched when he saw a familiar figure, standing close to the stage. Someone he has known for years. His eyes widen in shocked when he saw the smile on the said person's face. A smirk. An evil one.
Last night memory comes back flashing to his mind as his heart beating so fast that he can hear the thumps. It's louder than the music and the fan's chant in the venue.
‘It's me Namjoonie.’
‘Who?’
‘Seungwoon.’
‘Seung – seungwoon?’
‘It’s been a long time. I really miss you Namjoonie.’
‘Seungwoon –’
‘Soon, we shall meet, Namjoonie!’
‘Seung –’
Click.
‘ – woon’
The call ended.
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Notes:
I hope the chapter is good for all of you.
And thanks for being with me on this amazing journey
I 💜 you! 😘😘
Chapter 31: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon met with Bang PD for the first time at the audition held by Big Hit Entertainment. After he had listened to Namjoon's incredible rap, Bang PD offered Namjoon a spot at the record label directly. He was enamored by Namjoon's skill on that day. And without his parent's knowledge, Namjoon accepted the offer right away.
Namjoon was in a cloud nine that day, can’t wait to go home and gives the good news to Hakyon and Seungwoon. Throughout the journey back to his house, Namjoon can’t stop smiling while riding the bus. He ignored the weird looks given by the other passengers. He’s too happy to even bothered about what the others were thinking over his odd behavior.
Namjoon hopped out from the bus, making the driver shake his head at his childish antics. Namjoon then runs towards a nearby playground where Hakyon had been waiting for him. From afar, he can see Hakyon sits on one of the swings.
“Yonnie!!!” Namjoon yelled in a jovial tone while he runs toward his friend, grinning foolishly.
Hakyon was taken aback at the spirited voice, raise his head to see Namjoon is running; more to skipping actually. “Namjoonie, don’t run you’re going to trip –“ he was about to reprimand Namjoon about his clumsy steps when Namjoon plunges on the pave way and instantly fell on the sand with a loud thud.
“Namjoonie…” Hakyon sighed at his friend’s clumsiness before he gets up from the swing and try to help Namjoon.
“Ouch!” Namjoon writhed in pain as his face slammed on the sand. Hakyon chided at him and yanked his hand while he dusted the dirt on Namjoon's clothes.
“You’re so clumsy, Namjoonie!” commented Hakyon while he examined Namjoon's body – to see if he had hurt himself.
Namjoon sheepishly grinned at the remarks. He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. He then looks around was a few kids were looking at him with wide eyes and giggling among them. It’s funny for them to see a young adult like him to trip on his own feet.
Namjoon pouted when he heard the cackling sound made by Hakyon. “You’re laughing too?” he asked in a sulking tone.
Hakyon laughed at the funny face made by his friend. “Because you’re such a clumsy baby! Why do you keep tripping over nothing?” he continues to laugh further till he feels the cramp over his stomach.
Namjoon’s lower lips jutted with irritation at his best friend's continuous laughter – mocking at his accident-prone catastrophe.
Hakyon holds his laughter when he saw the sour expression of the male. He let out a breathy chuckled and put his hands over Namjoon's face, squishing his face playfully. Hakyon giggles when Namjoon's lips shaped like a fish out of water.
“Aigoo, you such a baby Namjoonie!” he said, continue to tease the male.
Namjoon fretted at the nickname mentioned by Hakyon for the second time. His face is flushed with a dull color of red around his cheek and ears. It’s embarrassing for someone to call him ‘baby’ especially when he’s a grown-up teenager. Namjoon didn’t think it really fits his image as a rapper.
“Don’t call me baby, Yonnie!” he retorts.
Hakyon laughed again, knowingly that Namjoon is shy at the moment. He can see the shade of red on his face.
“Why? I think it suits you well…” states Hakyon with a grin on his face. Hakyon then kneaded Namjoon's chubby cheek because Namjoon looks so cute like that and Hakyon always love it when Namjoon become so flustered until his face turns to red.
Namjoon groaned and pushed aside Hakyon's hand over his face. His cheek feels numb and he moves his jaw to make it disappear. “Stop it, Yonnie…” he was trying to be mad at Hakyon but his voice sounded like he is whining instead of anger.
Hakyon chuckles. “Okay – okay.” He finally admits defeat before Namjoon really gets mad at him. Which Hakyon knows it won’t happen at all. Namjoon is a young man with a good equanimity in handling his emotions. Namjoon prefers a subtle approach to solving a problem, avoiding any undue conflicts. He’s more into a diplomatic approach, being really tactful in solving a problem.
Hakyon always adores Namjoon as a friend as well as an individual. He’s a wonderful friend and also an incredible rapper. He always inspired him and Seungwoon to pursue their dream in music. Namjoon creates an inspiring vision of the future. He motivates and inspires people to engage with that vision. He is good at leading the people on the right path. Hakyon believes that Namjoon will be a great leader one day.
“I passed the audition!!”
Namjoon's excited voice (almost screaming) had intruded Hakyon's deep trance and he looks at Namjoon with a frown on his face. He couldn’t decipher what had Namjoon said to him just now. “What?” he asked in confusion.
Namjoon is bouncing on his feet with excitement and he didn’t mind to repeat what he had said to Hakyon earlier. “Yonnie! I passed the audition and – and Mr. Bang offered me to be the trainee at his company!!!”
Hakyon lips parted in aw shuck as his mind trying to process the news delivered by Namjoon. His eyes on Namjoon who’s still bouncing giddily and it takes another three seconds before Hakyon starts screaming in joy.
“Namjoonie!!!!” he cried as he grabs both of Namjoon’s hand and the two were shrieking and bouncing around the playground merrily. “You’ve made it! You’ve made it!” chanted Hakyon repeatedly.
“I did! I did!!!”
They were screaming and jumping around like a fool, ignoring all the weird looks given by the kids and the parent at the playground. They scowled at their childish behavior but decides to ignore the two teenagers and continue to watch their own children.
Namjoon and Hakyon were panting, out of breath after the strenuous movement and they finally stopped. Hakyon dragged Namjoon's by his hand, going to the swing again. They sit side by side, moving the swing slowly as they try to regularize their own breath.
“I’m happy for you Namjoonie!” said Hakyon with a pleasing voice.
Namjoon grinned until his eyes turn to a crescent moon shaped. “I wasn’t that confident when I rapped at the audition. And I’m shocked when Mr. Bang wants me to be his trainee. I said yes right away!” he said with a giggle. Namjoon still couldn’t believe that Mr. Bang had offered him a place at his company. It was like a dream comes true. A really good dream.
Hakyon glanced at Namjoon, staring at him with a fond gaze. He can see how happy Namjoon is right now. “You’re talented Namjoonie. Of course, he’ll see your amazing talent. It’s a waste if he let you go. Mr. Bang is a genius for choosing you!”
Namjoon chuckles at the declaration made by Hakyon. “You’re exaggerating Yonnie!”
Hakyon raised his brows. “Well –“ Hakyon stop for a second before he curved a smirk. “I am though,” he confirmed with a smug face and laughed at his own absurd behavior.
Namjoon looks at Hakyon who has been genuinely happy for him. His heart swells at the view, feeling grateful for having such a good friend like Hakyon. Namjoon gasped in shocked when his mind suddenly flashed an image of his other best friend – Seungwoon.
“Woonie! How about Woonie? He - he didn’t know about this yet.”
Hakyon was taken aback for a moment as he too had forgotten about Seungwoon. “Ah, about that. Actually, Seungwoon is not here…”
Namjoon frowned. “What do you mean by that?”
Hakyon sighed. “I told him about the audition. As expected, he kind of angry…” he told Namjoon.
Namjoon brows arched at the statement, looking at Hakyon with a puzzled look. “He – he didn’t like I’m going to the audition by myself?” he asked timidly. Slowly the feeling of guilt starts to creep in his heart.
He knew that Seungwoon loathes the idea of him to go to the audition alone without him and Hakyon. Seungwoon is a sensitive boy. Throughout their friendship, Namjoon and Hakyon always being cautious to act around Seungwoon – avoided any confrontation with the male. Seungwoon has anger issues and everyone tries their best not to infuriate him.
“Don’t worry too much Namjoonie. You know he’s always stubborn and angry all the time. But when he had chilled out, he will be happy for you too…” Hakyon tried to cajole Namjoon, sensing his discomfort about Seungwoon.
Namjoon nibbles his lips anxiously. “Where is he now?”
“He’s going to see his grandmother at Busan. She’s sick so all of his family going to visit her…” explained Hakyon.
Namjoon nods slowly with a silent ‘oh’ slips trough his plump lips. He then looks at Hakyon. “Should I call him? Asking him about his grandmother?” asked Namjoon.
Hakyon frowned before he wiggles his head. “I don’t think it’s the right time to do so, Namjoonie. Just let the things cool down first then we can call him. Okay?”
Namjoon inhaled and exhaled in a deep breath before he hesitantly nods in agreement with Hakyon. But Namjoon didn’t know that it’s the beginning of how his life is going to change entirely. It’s the mark of where their friendship begins to crumble down.
"Seungwoon? Woonie?"
Namjoon flickered his eyes, looking among the crowd as if he had mistakenly seen Seungwoon. He strolled towards the side of the stage, attempting to have a better look. But someone has tugged his forearm, stopping him from going anywhere.
“Where are you going?”
Namjoon turned and see how Seokjin is looking at him with confusion. Namjoon didn’t answer the elder immediately. Instead, he tilted his head back to the crowd again to find Seungwoon but to no avail. There’s no Seungwoon. Am I dreaming?
“Joonie?”
Namjoon sighed at the calling of his name before he looks at Seokjin once again. “Hyung…”
“What’re you looking for Joonie?” Seokjin asked and his neck stretched out to look at the side through Namjoon's shoulder. He wonders what had caught Namjoon's attention but he can’t find anything interesting. Except for the fans that keep calling their names. Seokjin waves his hand towards the army and gives them his signature flying kiss. Causing the army to scream in joy at his antic. Some of them have fainted.
“No – nothing hyung…” Namjoon answered weakly.
Seokjin stares at the leader and saw his sullen expression. Something is bothering him. Seokjin notices the gnawed lips and his immersed eyes whenever he is thinking about something serious.
Seokjin takes Namjoon’s hand, entwining their fingers together before he hauled Namjoon to their backstage room. They need to talk but they can’t do it in front of everyone. And by way of Namjoon had acted on the stage just now, the male almost slipped into little space.
When Seokjin entered the room with Namjoon, every BTS members look at the two with a questionable expression. They notice the frown on the oldest male and how Namjoon being quieted down when Seokjin makes him sit on the couch.
Yoongi then approached the two in curiosity. “What’s wrong hyung?” he asked, concerns evidently shown in his voice.
Seokjin tilted his head towards Yoongi. “I’m not sure. I saw Namjoon looks anxious just now.”
Yoongi frowned. “Anxious?” His eyes then shift to Namjoon who is fidgeting on the couch, tinkering with his fingers. Yoongi took a seat besides Namjoon, making the younger to flinch a little bit. “Are you okay?”
Namjoon’s head dangled down as his eyes fixated on his trembled hands on his lap. He just hummed softly as an answer to the elder. He’s still thinking about Seungwoon. Whether it’s his imagination or the said male is really out there – looking at him with a smile. A smile that makes his heartbeat escalated. An eerie smile that makes him feel intimidated.
It’s been a long time since he met with Seungwoon. He never forgets Seungwoon's face. It still intact on his mind even years of apart. Seungwoon is his best friend. He’s part of Namjoon's life, playing a significant role in his pursuit of being a rapper. They were together with Hakyon, through thick and thin. He’ll never forget about Seungwoon and Hakyon.
“Joon…”
Namjoon's startled when Seokjin put his hand over his shaking hands. He cocked his head to his left side, looking at Seokjin concern's face. Namjoon gives him a depleted smile as he breathed weakly.
“Is there anything you want to share with me? With us? We are here for you Joon…” let out Seokjin.
Namjoon jerks his head. “No – nothing hyung. I’m just – just tired, maybe…” he said almost whispering. He gives a smile to the elder, struggling to hide his mental crisis.
Seokjin fretted at the answer. He didn’t buy with the smile because he knows how Namjoon always hides his problem from the others. Seokjin is about to interrogate the younger when he caught the glimpse of Yoongi's expression – shaking his head slightly, preventing him to ask anything.
Seokjin huffed at the hindrance, pouting his pinkish lips as a protest at Yoongi. Yoongi rotates his eyes in irritation at the fuss. Ignoring the piercing gaze throws by Seokjin, Yoongi taps on Namjoon's shoulder.
“You know that you can get a good rest after we’re back in the hotel, right? So don’t think too much and relax…” told Yoongi as he softly squeezed over Namjoon's shoulder blade.
Namjoon nods. “O – okay. And – and –“
Yoongi brows pucker when he sees how the younger's fidgeting and his voice turn out to be thinner than usual. A small hint that he is on the brink of the little space.
“What is it, Joonie?” he asked while he emphasized on Namjoon's nickname. A smile already arose on his pale face, rejoiced the fact that Namjoon is slipping into his comfort zone. Yoongi always thrilled to see Namjoon as a little.
Namjoon raised his chin a little bit, glancing at Yoongi before he narrowed down to his lap again. His cheek has been tinted with the shade of pink as he continues to play with the hem of his sleeves. “I – I can wear this – this costume to – to our room, right?” he asked timidly, murmuring almost inaudible.
Yoongi bites his lips and held his breath as he tries to compose himself from melting on the couch for Namjoon's cute little act. “Of course Joonie. Daddy promised that you can wear it if you let big Joonie perform. Since you’re a good boy, you can have it…” Yoongi said with a jovial voice. His face beamed as he talks to little Namjoon, showing his gummy smile.
Namjoon eyes magnified in excitement and he flashes the widest smile ever at the answer. “We – weally? Thank – thank you daddy!” he replied cheerfully and gives Yoongi a big hug.
Yoongi can hear a few snickers on his back and when he cocked his head he saw the maknae line was looking at him with a mocking face. Yoongi squinted his eyes at the three, scoffing at their attitudes.
“How could a grumpy old man be a softie like that? He only did that to Joonie!” Jungkook sneered as he watched the interaction between Namjoon and Yoongi.
Taehyung chided. “Joonie is his favorite. Don’t you remember what he said about him? Joonie's aegyo is the cutest among us!”
Jimin snorted at the mentioned of that. “Yeah, I remember that. Yoongi-hyung is totally whipped with Joonie. He didn’t acknowledge our aegyo at all. He always said it makes him cringe. Whatever!” he said as he rolled his eyes.
Jungkook huffed in bitterness. “I can’t believe we lost to Joonie! He’s so awkward when he does the aegyo thing! And hyung thought he is the cutest?”
Taehyung raised his brows while he looks at Jimin and Jungkook in turn. “To be honest, I think Joonie is really the cutest among us,” he retorts nonchalantly.
Jimin’s shoulder slumps at the statement and he let out a long sigh. “Yeah, that’s right. He’s so cute and adorable… I – I can’t even look at him when he does the aegyo in front of the army. My heart almost explodes at the cuteness.”
“He’s a baby. Big baby!” exclaimed Jungkook further.
“Our baby!” whined Taehyung dramatically. Jimin and Jungkook then hug the taller male as the three faking their cries.
“What a drama queen! You guys are a bunch of fools!” said Hoseok as he watched the three maknae having fun among themselves. He scoffed at them when the maknae stuck out their tongues playfully at the aesthetic dancer and rapper.
And maybe the decision to let Namjoon’s wearing the spacesuit is a wrong decision for Yoongi.
Basically, Namjoon has been wearing it all night long after they at the hotel room – refused to change into his pajamas before going to sleep. Not even Ryan pajamas can make the little to let go of his precious spacesuit.
“No, daddy! You – you pwomise me!”
Namjoon cried and been wailing almost ten minutes when Yoongi had forced him to take off the costume. As a result, Yoongi just let the little to wear it as long as he wanted. Even Seokjin raised his hand in defeat, declined to help Yoongi in this matter. It’s Yoongi’s deal so he needs to settle it by himself.
The problem goes on until the next morning, leaving all the caregivers to have a mental breakdown. Namjoon still refuses to let go of his costume. Not even when he needs to take the bath. When Seokjin tried to put it away, Namjoon immediately grabs it from Seokjin's hand. He even brings along the costume with him in the bathroom.
Seokjin face palmed himself at the stubbornness and he once again blames it on Yoongi for making such promise. “It’s all your fault,” Seokjin said to him for the umpteenth times that morning.
“Ughh, I didn’t know it will turn out like this!” Yoongi groaned in exasperation.
“It’s hard to say no to him when he makes that puppy face. I can’t blame you for that, hyung,” said Hoseok as he joined Yoongi and Seokjin on the couch.
The three watched how Namjoon sits on the bed in his astronaut suit, having fun coloring with all the maknae. They were having a coloring contest, meanwhile, Hoseok, Yoongi, and Seokjin will be the judges. Which they had prematurely decided the winner. Of course.
“We’re lucky that we didn’t have any activity today. If not we’re going to have a problem if he insists to wear it…” tells Seokjin with a smile on his face. Despite being stressed out dealing with Namjoon’s antic, he can’t deny that it is also an endearing moment to watch the leader in a little space.
Namjoon always take a good care of his bandmates when they were working. He’s being really helpful and attended to everyone's needs relentlessly, making sure everyone is happy and comfortable. As such, whenever they’re outside of their schedules, it’s their time for them to take care of their beloved leader.
To be honest, everyone is enthusiastic to look out for Namjoon in little space. It’s not only a stress reliever for Namjoon but also for the whole member. When Namjoon takes a breather by slipping into little space, the rest will take the same break to be his caregivers and had fun together with Namjoon. It’s a win-win situation for everybody.
“Daddy! Appa! Papa!” Namjoon excitedly called his caregivers.
The three looks at the happy little and they smile when Namjoon shows to them his colored picture.
“Wook! Joonie – Joonie makes Sailormoon pwetty!” he claimed as he held the paper in front of him. The image of Sailormoon is being colored with messy strokes.
“It’s really pretty baby!” replied Hoseok with his hearty smile.
“I think we had found our winner!” announced Seokjin then.
“It's our darling, Joonie!!” shouted Yoongi.
“Yeay!!! Joonie win!!!” Namjoon screamed and he jumped on the bed with excitement.
The maknae groaned at the sudden announcement as they threw away the color pencil in frustration.
“This is not fair!” complaints Jimin as he looks at his picture of Powerpuff girls. He had been concentrating all this while, eagerly wanted to win.
“I don’t even finish mine yet!” Taehyung growled as he pouted and crossed his arms. His picture of Spongebob is half done. He yet to color the pant.
“I need more red to color my Ironman!” Jungkook muttered when he saw the color pencil becomes shorten in a blink.
“Joonie win!!!” Namjoon continues to scream and jumping on the bed, ignoring the sullen faces of the maknae.
“You guys can’t seriously want to beat Joonie in this!” Seokjin retorts as he heard all the criticism made by the youngest.
“You said it’s a contest!” sulked Jimin.
“Really guys?” Yoongi asked in irritation.
“Joonie win!!! Yeay!!”
The maknae looks at Namjoon begrudgingly, who’s still being ignorant at the crisis they were having right now. He’s too engulfed with his winning celebration that he had dismissed the fact the maknae feels dissatisfied with their loss.
Taehyung, being bitter about it since he’s a very competitive person, shot up from his spot and tackle the little Namjoon. Namjoon squeaked in horror as he falls on the bed, bouncing over the fluffy mattress.
“No!!! Tae – Tae oppa!!” Namjoon squirmed when Taehyung starts to tickle his waist in animosity.
Jungkook and Jimin then joined the act, loomed over Namjoon's lanky body and pricked him playfully. Namjoon shrieked at the ticklish sensation all over his body, struggling to escape from the fight but it’s a fruitless attempt.
“Hewp! He – hewp Joonie!!!”
“You’re going to make him pees on the bed!!!” Seokjin screamed at the three butthey just ignored the elder. They just having fun with Namjoon and their laughter echoed in the room.
Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok watched the four playing among themselves with a fond smile on their faces. At that precious moment, they didn’t know what is coming for them. How happiness is a short-lived glory. How in a blink of eyes, someone is going to intrude in their peaceful life.
Two days later, Namjoon met face to face with Seungwoon again.
At Bighit's building.
Namjoon is horrified as his body fell over the staircase.
Seungwoon had pushed him.
Leaving him with the puddle of blood underneath his head.
•
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Notes:
Someone had asked me how many chapters for this book. Tbh I don’t have any plans or specific numbers, so you can expect it will be longer than my other books. I don’t have any intention to end this book too soon. I hope you’ll stay throughout the journey tho. 🤭🤭
And thanks for the 300 subscriptions 😘😘😘
Chapter 32: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙊𝙉𝙀
Notes:
I miss Sukhoon so much.
Don't you miss him too? 😏
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon's hand shaking as he read the text message. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to make sure that it wasn’t imagination or he was in some sort of weird dream. But the text is still there no matter how many times he closed his eyes. It’s really Seungwoon.
Namjoon touched the call icon and pressed the phone to his ears. His heart is beating in sync with the ringing tone. He can feel the sweat over his hand and he bites his lips nervously – waiting for the other side to pick up the call.
“The person you called at –”
Namjoon ended the call when no one is answering except the operator. He tries once again but the same operator answered his call. Namjoon fretted in confusion, staring at his phone with a mixture of emotion.
Why he didn’t answer the call? Is he busy? Or was he avoiding his call? But then what’s his purpose to send him the text then?
Namjoon throws his phone onto his bed, watching how it’s bouncing in the middle of the soft bed. Namjoon carded his hair to the back, feeling restless at the whole situation.
The guy he saw in Japan is definitely Seungwoon. Namjoon is one hundred percent convinced with his intuition. He even called Namjoon before that, saying they were going to meet soon. Then, he received the text on the next day of the MAMA. He was too dumbfounded when he read it for the first time. He had been trying to call Seungwoon since that day but it's a futile attempt.
Namjoon rubs his temple in agony, feeling the throbbing pain around it. His brain working so fast that he thinks his head is going to explode. Namjoon groaned in frustration and slumps on the bed restlessly.
It’s been seven years since the last time he had heard about Seungwoon. And suddenly Seungwoon appears out of nowhere, been taunting him ever since. This is weird. Namjoon bends down to his knees, trying to hide his head as he keeps on thinking the reason for the unexpected appearance of his friend.
Namjoon shakes his head, couldn’t fathom the reason why Seungwoon is looking for him. Namjoon hissed in discomfort when the headache becomes prominent than before.
“Joon-hyung?”
Namjoon squeezed shut his eyes before he lifted his head up. Jungkook is standing at the doorframe, looking at him with a frown. Obviously questioning his somber expression.
“Yeah, Kook…” he meekly replied.
Jungkook raised one of his brows, slowly strolling into Namjoon's room. He looks around, watching the decoration of it – still feel foreign at the sight of it since they moved out of their old dorm. Everyone had their own room now except for Hoseok and Jimin. The two need to share a bedroom together but they don’t have any problem with it.
But of course, even they had their own room now, most of the time they were hanging out in Namjoon's room – taking turns sleeping with the leader whenever he’s a little.
“Do you need anything Kook?” asked Namjoon when he saw Jungkook is roaming around his room freely.
Jungkook grinned at Namjoon sheepishly. He then took a seat beside Namjoon, mischievously shoved Namjoon's side. Namjoon chided at his demeanor but a small smile crept on his face afterward.
“Jin-hyung asked me to check on you. Sejin is on the way. We have a rehearsal today. Don’t you remember?” said Jungkook.
Namjoon sighed as he totally forgot about the rehearsal. His mind has been occupied with Seungwoon's message. He clasped his hands together, nervously looked at Jungkook on his side.
“Yeah, I kinda forget about it. But – but I’m ready. What about others?”
Jungkook scowled at the answer, staring at the disturbed face of his favorite hyung. But he decides not to ask about it since Namjoon doesn't look he want to speak about it. “They are waiting for us in the living room…” informed Jungkook.
Namjoon nods as he slowly gets up from the bed. He took his backpack on his desk and stashed his things into it carelessly. When he had finished doing so, he turned his body to face Jungkook. “Let's go,” he said.
Jungkook smiles at the leader and followed him from behind. Jungkook frown is deepened when he can see the sag shoulder of Namjoon from behind. He keeps on sighing and Jungkook notices the tension radiating from his body.
He makes a mental note to himself, to ask Namjoon later – after the rehearsal. As for now, everyone is heading to the studio to preparation their tour concert in Nagoya, Japan for the next two weeks.
Namjoon looks at his reflection in front of the mirror after he splashed the cold water to his face. He can see the darken eyebags and his exhausted face. The dance practices since morning had drained his energy. He can’t really focus on the choreography as his mind keeps on thinking about Seungwoon.
He is confident that it is Seungwoon at the MAMA. He knew it’s Seungwoon. From afar, in the crowd under the dim light of the stage, he still can recognize the face of his bestfriend. How could he forget the person who had been with him through thick and thin – the time when no one ever knows who’s Kim Namjoon and RM.
Namjoon exhaled an unsteady breath, mellowing himself down before he took out his phone and start dialing Seungwoon number again. The same ringing tone makes his heart thumping louder. He huffed in frustration when no one answered the call.
What is Seungwoon trying to do? Why he appeared out of sudden and sending him the message but refused to answer his call? Why he acted this way? It’s so strange!
“Well – well – our beloved leader of BTS is here…”
Namjoon flinched and almost dropped his phone into the sink when someone suddenly entered the restroom. He cocked his head and held his breath when he saw Sukhoon. Sukhoon is smiling at him, leaning on the door while he crossed his arms to the chest.
Namjoon didn’t like the smile on Sukhoon's face. It looks like a fake one rather than a genuine smile. Well, since when did Sukhoon ever smile to him like he really meant it? Never.
“You look exhausted, Namjoon-ssi…” he commented with a smug face. It’s been a while since he last meets with the leader. It’s been really nerve-racking for him to taunt the poor male.
Namjoon ignored the tease and leave the assistant manager alone in the restroom. He has no heart to listen to his derision neither to play a game with him at this moment. His mind has been fully occupied with other important things. And among those, nothing is about Sukhoon.
Sukhoon grits his teeth at the dismissal, immediately pursuing the male outside. He yanked Namjoon's hand, forcing his lanky body to face him. Namjoon huffed at his violent act, looking at Sukhoon with aghast. He winced when Sukhoon's nails dig on his skin.
“Don’t you dare to ignore me, Namjoon! You won’t like the consequences of it!” Sukhoon warned Namjoon, venom leeching from his strained voice.
Namjoon tried to release the harsh grips but Sukhoon’s hand is much stronger than him. Namjoon stops struggling when it makes his arm hurts more in doing so. He can see the marks of his nails on his tanned skin and how it started to turn red around it.
“You’re being so bold after I left you to enjoy the freedom for a while. Don’t you?” pried Sukhoon, eyes on Namjoon dangerously.
Namjoon sighed. “What do you want Sukhoon? Please tell me, what do you want instead of torturing me like this. Don’t you feel tired? I don’t know what had I done to you that you’re holding a grudge towards me. If I had done something wrong, then tell me. Let me fix it if it’s my fault!” plead Namjoon.
This cat-mouse game is draining him. He wants an absolute answer from Sukhoon. Stop playing with the riddles because he just can’t think anything. He’s tired. He just wants everything back to normal.
Sukhoon chuckles at the demand. “Wow, it's so audacious of you. What happens to the weak and fragile Namjoon?” He said in a mocking voice.
Namjoon holds himself from rolling his eyes at the remarks. He had used to Sukhoon's sarcasm. “I have to go. I need to practice –”
“I never said you can go, Namjoon,” cuts Sukhoon, tighten his grips on Namjoon's arm.
Namjoon writhed in pain, glaring at Sukhoon bewildered. Namjoon glanced at the hallway, looking around to see if someone is there. But to his dismay, the hallway is empty despite hundreds of people working at BigHit. Isn’t that really odd that no one is here whenever he needs help? It’s a cliché scene in a movie but now it’s happened to him.
“Wh – what do you want me to do, then?” Namjoon asked, stammering in his speech a little bit. He feels ashamed that he had shown his vulnerable state to Sukhoon.
Sukhoon smirked. “Aww, are you scared, Namjoonie?” ridiculed Sukhoon.
Namjoon hitched at the mentioned of his nickname. He gaped while he stares at Sukhoon, a little bit puzzled. Only a few people have been calling him Namjoonie. A few who are really close to him.
“What – what did you call me?”
Sukhoon arched his brows. “Why? You didn’t like when I called you Namjoonie? Isn’t that sweet? Namjoon – Namjoonie. It makes us a little bit intimate, right?”
Namjoon seethed at the statement. He never feels comfortable with Sukhoon. Hence, Namjoon could decipher the sinister lies behind the man's word. Sukhoon hates him. And Namjoon still couldn’t find the reason for it.
“Have you ever thought that one day our sin will come back after you? You know, for retribution?” Sukhoon asked.
Namjoon frowned as he didn’t understand what is Sukhoon trying to accomplish from such an odd query. “I – I – don’t understand…”
Sukhoon chided at the answer. “You’ll never understand something that you want to forget, Namjoonie. It’s common for us to disregard our own sin so that we can move on. But there’s karma. Karma that will haunt you for your mistake. Karma that will make you pay for it…”
Namjoon remains being confused at Sukhoon's speech. Nothing makes sense and Sukhoon keeps going back and forth with his intention behind those phrases.
Why can’t he just tell him the truth? Is it really hard for him to do so?
“Why are you keep saying this to me? I don’t understand a single thing. Are you trying to make fun of me? Is it really fun for you to make my life miserable?”
Sukhoon laughed. His low and deep guttural voice brings a shiver to Namjoon. Sukhoon pulled Namjoon's body towards him, almost collided with each other. Namjoon can feel the breath of the said male fanning over his face.
“Why do you think I keep doing this to you, then? You’re predictable. I can see how you reacted to all of these. If you asked me whether I’m enjoying myself, then yes I am. You’re not wrong at all…” Sukhoon whispered, admitting his crime proudly.
Namjoon gulped hearing those words. Sukhoon looks creepy and his action is ominous. “Why? Why are you doing this to me?” asked Namjoon for the millions of times. He keeps asking the same question since day one but Sukhoon never gives him the answer.
Sukhoon evilly smiles. “I wonder why too…”
“Wh – what?”
Another chuckle slips through Sukhoon's lips. “Namjoonie… like I said before. You have to pay for your sins. You should look back at your past. What have you done and how it’s affected other people's lives? Don’t play innocent, Kim Namjoon. Just think –” Sukhoon then harshly pushed Namjoon's body, making him almost stumble on the floor. “Think harder. The time when you acted selfishly because of your greed to become an idol…” he continued with a grim voice.
Namjoon lips parted as he wanted to ask Sukhoon for further clarification. But Sukhoon just leaves the scene, leaving him flustered at his attitude. Namjoon frets in confusion and a little bit frustrated with Sukhoon's secrecy. Why must he keep doing this? He might have a 148 IQ but it doesn’t mean that he can easily guess what’s in Sukhoon's mind.
I'm not a psychic, for God's sake.
Namjoon huffed in disappointment and glanced at his watch. He gasped when he realized that he has been gone too long and the members might be waiting for him to practice in the studio. Namjoon was about to move his long legs when his eyes catch a glimpse of a silhouette at the end of the hallway.
Namjoon squinted his eyes before his mouth agape in shock. “Seung – Seungwoon?” Namjoon couldn’t believe himself that Seungwoon is here.
What he’s doing here at BigHit?
“Seungwoon?” he tries to call the male but Seungwoon ignored him and exit the hallway through the emergency door.
Namjoon frowned but he didn’t want to lose the track of the said male again, like in Japan. He runs towards the emergency door, tries to follow his steps.
“Seungwoon-ah! Wait!” he almost shouted but Seungwoon didn’t give attention to his calling.
Namjoon pushed the emergency door slightly but he can’t find Seungwoon anywhere. Namjoon hesitantly walked through the exit door, having goosebumps when he notices the area is a little bit dark. Namjoon peeked on the upper stairs looking for Seungwoon but there’s no sign of the said male is there.
“Seungwoon-ah?” his voice bouncing over the wall as he slowly descended down the stairs. “Woonie?” he called the male once again but still no one to answer.
Namjoon sighed, thinking that he had lost Seungwoon again. Or maybe it’s just his imagination that he had seen the male. Seungwoon can’t be here. It’s weird for him to be at BigHit. He had been overthinking about the male that he might be having a hallucination.
Namjoon dismissed his early intention to find his old friend, noticing that he really needs to go back to the dance studio. But his heart almost dropped to the pit of his stomach when he heard someone is whistling a familiar song on his back. He immediately recognized it as one of BTS' popular song ‘Spring Day'.
Namjoon turned his body slowly and yelped in surprise when he saw Seungwoon is posing on the top of the staircase, staring at Namjoon intensely.
“Seung – Seungwoon?”
The lips of the said male twitched into a smile as if confirming Namjoon's predicament. “Hello, Namjoonie…”
Namjoon’s heart skipped a beat hearing the husky tone belongs to Seungwoon. “Is that – is that really you?” he asked for further confirmation.
Seungwoon smiles again before he slowly gets down to Namjoon, who had been standing in the middle of the stairs.
“I miss you, Namjoonie. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time…” Seungwoon said solemnly.
Namjoon eyes flicker while his mind still processing the whole situation. He can’t believe that it is Seungwoon. Namjoon was about to greet Seungwoon as he brightly smiles at his friend. “It's nice to –”
However, Namjoon didn’t have the chance to do so. He didn't expect that Seungwoon will do such a cruel thing to him at their first meeting. Namjoon wasn’t ready when Seungwoon placed his hand to his chest and effortlessly pushed him over the stairs.
Namjoon is startled when his feet wobbled at the sudden action and his upper body arched backward before he plummets on the stairs. He tried to grab on the reel beside him but his hand is wet and slippery. Namjoon eyes widen in horror while his body rolled over the stairs. His body stopped when it reached the floor with a loud thud and his back hits the wall.
Namjoon writhed in pain as his body curled like a ball. His head throbbed like someone had knocked it over with a hammer. His whole body is hurting at the harsh impact. For some reason, Namjoon thinks that his hair is wet and sticky. He scrunched his nose when he can smell the blood.
Is that his blood?
Namjoon groaned while he strived to move his body but his limbs had become numb. A few black dots start to appear and when he peered over Seungwoon, his heartbeat escalated.
Seungwoon is still standing at his spot and he is flashing a bright smile towards Namjoon. Not that kind of a genuine smile from a long lost friend but a smirk, that gives Namjoon a goosebump. Seungwoon looks so scary and Namjoon didn’t like what he saw.
“Seung – Seungwoon – why – why…” Namjoon coughed afterward when his lungs tighten each time he inhaled his breath. He’s unable to speak because of the excruciating pain all over his body.
Seungwoon clicked his tongue at his dumb question. “You deserved this. This is just the beginning, Namjoonie. You shall taste your death soon…”
Namjoon wheezed, petrified to see the evil side of his friend. Namjoon lips split up as he wants to say something but his eyes just feel so heavy and his tongue was tied down. His ears heard a buzzing noise meanwhile his heart is beating stagnantly. His vision becomes blurry on each second and he can see Seungwoon had deserted him.
Namjoon tries to call for help but his voice stuck on his throat. Before he fully succumbs into the darkness, Namjoon prayed that someone will find him there. He hopes that his bandmates will notice his disappearance and try to look for him. He wished that they will come and save him from this horrendous incident.
He whimpered for help. But he knows no one is listening to him right now. He went limp on the cold floor as the blood still pouring out from his head. Lying alone with a possibility that no one will find him.
“Don’t you think Namjoon-hyung is taking too long in the restroom?”
Everyone snapped their heads to the maknae before six pairs of eyes were traveling around the room – looking for their leader.
“He’s been in the restroom for a while right?” Seokjin voice out the same concern with Jungkook, realizing that Namjoon wasn’t there with them.
“He doesn’t look good this morning…” expressed Jungkook, worried evidently shown on his handsome face.
“What do you mean?”
Jungkook tilted his head at Yoongi as the rapper is now approaching him. “He looks a little bit down. I thought I’m going to ask him after the rehearsal about it…”
“He's acting weird since we came back from Japan. Like he almost moping around and thinking about something…” states Taehyung.
“Did something happen in Japan?” asked Hoseok.
“Nothing as far as I am concern…” Jimin answered truthfully. As much as he remembers, there’s no bickering or misunderstanding among them. They had cleared up everything. He didn’t know if there’s something else is bothering the leader.
Seokjin groaned in frustration. “Maybe we need to force him to tell us his problem. You know how he always keeps everything to himself…” he said.
The rest nods their heads in agreement. It’s really worrying if Namjoon keeps bottling his own feeling from his bandmates. Namjoon has always been there for them whenever any of the members having a problem. He will find the solution for them and makes everything's right again.
So, they want to do the same for Namjoon. As much as Namjoon always takes care of them, they wanted to take good care of the leader too. Because he is precious to them.
“I’ll go and find him…” Jungkook volunteered himself. He didn’t wait for any approval from his bandmates and just leave the room hastily.
“I’m really worried about him lately. He constantly gets sick and had less sleep…” mentioned Seokjin.
Yoongi sighed before he pats on Seokjin's shoulder. “He’ll be fine. We’re going to make sure that…”
Jungkook pouted when he can’t find Namjoon in the restroom. He feels strange that Namjoon had been going for a walk to somewhere else and ditched the practice. It doesn’t sound like him at all.
Jungkook tried to look for his hyung nearby the hallway before he spotted Sukhoon at the end of it. “Sukhoon-hyung!” Jungkook quickly runs towards the new manager.
“Jungkook-ssi…”
Jungkook smiles at the latter male. “Err, have you seen Namjoon-hyung?” he asked without being discreet.
Sukhoon raised his brows at the question. “Namjoon?” Sukhoon hummed, faking to look around before his eyes back to Jungkook. “Nope!” he answered while he popped the ‘P’ exaggeratedly.
Jungkook sighed in defeat. “Oh, it’s okay then. I’ll just keep looking…”
Sukhoon smiles meaningfully. “Good luck then…” he said and waved goodbye to Jungkook. He had a smug face when he leaves the young boy, knowing exactly what had happened to Namjoon as he glanced over at the exit door.
It won’t hurt anyone if he just let Jungkook to locate Namjoon's whereabouts by himself, right?
Sukhoon let out a soft chortle at his own devilish thought and continue to walk away from there. Jungkook frowned at Sukhoon’s unusual behavior but dismissed his suspicion because he needs to find Namjoon.
“Hyung? Namjoon-hyung? RM-hyung? Joonie?”
Jungkook pushed the emergency door slowly, making an effort to find Namjoon over there. He feels a little bit silly that he ever thinking Namjoon will be here but there’s no harm to try.
“Namj –”
Jungkook round eyes broaden when he saw Namjoon's body down the stairs. He stiffens as he continues to gawks at Namjoon, collapsed on his side and clearly unconscious.
“Hy – hyung?” His voice is shaking. His whole body quake before he takes another step to make sure it wasn’t his imagination. Jungkook takes a shuddering breath and his hand grabs on the reel to hold himself from tumbling.
“Hy – hyung…” Jungkook takes another step. His legs wobbled and his grips on the reel tighten. “Hyung, this – this is not funny…” Jungkook tried to think that Namjoon just plays a prank with him.
As he strides the stairs, moving toward Namjoon motionless body, Jungkook eyes begin to gloss with tears. Jungkook carefully kneeled beside Namjoon and gasped when he saw the puddle of the red liquid under Namjoon's head.
“Hy – hyung?” Jungkook’s hand is trembling vigorously as he reached for Namjoon's hand. It's cold. Jungkook gasped. “Hyung!!!!”
Jungkook shrieked but Namjoon didn’t budge at all. Namjoon can’t hear his piercing voice. Jungkook strokes on Namjoon's arm, trying to wake him up. “Hyung, please. Don’t scare me like this... Wa – wake up, please… Hyung…”
Jungkook cries as Namjoon didn’t answer nor he opens his eyes. Jungkook didn't know what he needs to do right now. He is afraid to touch his hyung in this state. He’s afraid that there are more injuries than his bleeding head. He’s scared that if he tries to move him around, he will cause another grievous harm to Namjoon.
Jungkook hands shaking when he dialed Yoongi's number. He cried over the phone, screaming to the male to come to the exit as fast as he can.
“Namj – Namjoon – he – he – I don’t know – please hyung – come here – he didn’t move at all! There’s – there’s a lot of blood – please hyung!!!”
Jungkook flumps on the floor as he continues to cry like a baby, clutching his phone tightly even Yoongi had ended the call a few seconds ago. His other hand holds onto Namjoon's cold hand, squeezing it as if he is trying to give the strength to Namjoon – as if he is saying ‘hang on, the help is on the way' without words.
His eyes transfixed on Namjoon's chest, watching how it’s moving up and down slowly. He wants to make sure that Namjoon is still breathing. He just wants to make sure that his hyung is still alive.
“Namjoon!!!”
Jungkook's body jerked at the loud shouting, hoisted his head where he can see the rest of BTS members were looking at him and Namjoon with an alarmed face.
Jungkook wailed harder when he sees his hyungs. He looked at them with pleading eyes as he desperately speaks. “Hyung!!! Help me – help - help Namjoon-hyung! He's dying!”
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Notes:
Well 💅💅
Chapter 33: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙒𝙊
Chapter Text
Jungkook glares at his hands without blinking his eyes. The blood already dried but he still can feel it’s sticky to his hand. The cooper smells makes him scrunched in disgust. But it’s his hyung's blood. He shouldn’t be feeling like that. Still, he feels nauseated.
He squeezed shut his eyes once again when the image of Namjoon lying down with a pool of blood flashing back. He fisted his hand into a tight ball as the coldness of Namjoon's hand can be felt by him until now. He was devastated. His hyung, his paragon, the one he loves the most in his life – unconscious on the hard floor but he can’t do anything about it.
He feels weak and useless. He just sits there and crying like a kid while the other members rushing to them. He can hear Yoongi’s cracked voice calling the ambulance. He can hear Seokjin's voice asking what had happened. He can hear the voice of Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok were crying while they try to wake Namjoon up.
And Jungkook just sits there, frozen, watching everyone with a blank expression. He was too shocked to even say a word to his hyung. And his hand still holding Namjoon's cold hand. Until the paramedic came and try to take Namjoon away from him – Jungkook screamed like a maniac, refusing to let Namjoon's hand go or to let anyone touch Namjoon's body.
He’s afraid that if he ever let go of the hand, he’ll never see Namjoon again. Jungkook hugged Namjoon's body on the gurney, didn’t want anyone to touch him. No one can take his hyung from him. When Seokjin and Hoseok had forcefully dragged him away from Namjoon, Jungkook tossed around asking them to let him go.
‘Namjoon-hyung needs me!’ He shouted. But they won’t let him go. How much he tried to release himself from the grips of his two hyung, Jungkook wasn’t able to win over them. They just let him put a fight until his body went limp out of exhaustion. That’s when they get into the car and went to the hospital – following the ambulance.
The blaring siren and the striking lamp of it makes his heart jump on each second. He can’t think about anything else except Namjoon. He needs to see Namjoon, to make sure that he is okay.
Will he be okay alone in the ambulance? What if he wakes up and sees no one on his side? He might be scared and need someone to accompany him!
“Kookie…”
Seokjin's voice put a stop to Jungkook's stupor. Jungkook heaved and look at Seokjin with a grim expression. He flinched when Seokjin took his hand into his and gives a light squeeze.
“You need to clean up. Sejin-hyung had brought the clothes for you…” says Seokjin.
Jungkook averted his eyes towards Sejin, standing behind Seokjin and is looking at him with sad eyes. Jungkook then glanced at the emergency room, still waiting for the doctor to come out and tells them about Namjoon. It’s been two hours already.
Jungkook then shakes his head and pulled away his hand from Seokjin's grip. He ignored the flustered expression of his hyung. “I – I want to wait for Namjoon-hyung here…” he said with a quiet voice but denotes his stand sternly.
Seokjin sighed as he looks at Jungkook’s messy appearance. His white shirt was smeared with Namjoon's blood. The same goes for his hand. His eyes were bloodshot and his face had become puffy due to the crying earlier.
“Kook-ah…”
“I want to wait for Namjoon-hyung. I won’t go anywhere. I want to stay here.” Jungkook cuts Seokjin's speech and stares at him with his intense eyes.
Seokjin was about to refute the stubbornness when someone puts their hand on his shoulder. Seokjin tilted and meet with Yoongi's concern face. The rapper shook his head, stopping Seokjin from arguing with the maknae further.
Seokjin walked away from Jungkook while grunting in exasperation. “He looks awful, Yoongi-ah…” said Seokjin with a cracked voice as his eyes gleamed with tears.
“I know. But we can’t do anything. You know how much he is shaken just now. He won’t listen to us…” Yoongi exasperatedly said. He wants to say otherwise but everyone knows that's not the case.
“But –”
“We don’t want him to throw another tantrum, Jin. It’s lucky enough that no one noticed we’re here. If someone sees or notice our presence here, it will be more chaotic…” Yoongi tried to coax the elder.
Seokjin chews his lips, feeling disheartened at the whole commotion. The situation can be said as under control and their presence in the hospital had been discretely covered by the hospital staff. They were in the VIPs section so no press or media are allowed to be here. He wonders how they will react when they know about this incident.
The army will be worried. The media will keep on bugging them for a piece of information. They can’t find any peace if that’s happened. They have to act really subtle right now. Well, at least until they know about Namjoon's wellbeing.
“Let me talk to him…”
Yoongi and Seokjin look at Sejin and bobs their head at the idea. They can’t handle an emotional Jungkook by being emotional themselves. Maybe Sejin will be able to persuade Jungkook right now.
“Jungkook…”
“No! I want to stay here unless you drag me like before. But I won’t let you without giving a fight!” sneered Jungkook. His eyes on Sejin like a dagger.
Sejin gulped at the warning but he won’t budge because he knows Jungkook will never harm him or anyone. He just being in distress and worry about Namjoon. Everyone does.
“I don’t think Namjoon will like to see you in this state, Jungkook…” Sejin carefully said.
Jungkook is taken aback at the words, looking at Sejin bewildered. “Don’t – don’t bring him in this matter. Don’t use his name to go against me, Sejin-hyung, ” he warned, gritting his teeth in anger.
Sejin takes a deep breath before he further speaks. “No, I’m not. Have you ever thinks how Namjoon will react if he sees you in a mess like this? Did you look yourself in the mirror? You’re covered with blood, Jungkook!”
“I don’t care! He is much more important than my image right now!” Jungkook heckled, didn’t care how his voice is soaring on each word while he glared at Sejin murderously.
Sejin sighed. He rubbed his face in desperation, couldn’t handle Jungkook's obstinacy. He knew how much Jungkook respected Namjoon and it will not be an understatement if he said that Jungkook idolized Namjoon so much. In fact, everyone knows about it. Even the army themselves. Jungkook is being loud about how he feels towards Namjoon.
“Fine, I’m not forcing you to leave your seat. You can wait for him here as you wish. But please clean up yourself…” Sejin concedes with Jungkook. He placed the wet tissues on his hand and put the clean shirt on the chair, besides Jungkook.
Jungkook snorted while he looks at the tissue's pack on his hand. He tears the wrapper harshly but struggling to take out the tissue since his hand is still shaking. He huffed in frustration, almost throw it on the floor when Taehyung grabbed his wrist and do it for him instead.
Jungkook didn’t say a word when Taehyung helped to wipe the dry blood on both of his hands. He’s being man-handled by Taehyung carefully and delicately. His head dangled down, staring on the floor in a void.
“Take your shirt off, Kookie…”
Jungkook cringed when Taehyung’s deep voice piercing to his ears. Without looking at his hyung, Jungkook pulled out his blood-stained shirt, dismissing the concern if someone may have seen him. He put the clean shirt on him hastily and then leaned on the wall, exhaling a deep and heavy breath.
“He’ll be fine, Kook…”
Jungkook cocked his head to Taehyung. His lips quivered and tears welled up in his eyes instantly. “I’m scared, hyung!” he mumbled with a shaken voice.
Taehyung couldn’t hold his tears too, let it drop to his face effortlessly. He spread his arm and Jungkook immediately lurched forward and let himself being engulfed in a tight embrace. He pressed his face to Taehyung's chest and let out his emotion without being ashamed about it.
“It’s okay, Kookie. It’s okay…”
Yoongi blinked away his tears as he watched the two having another breakdown. He can see the tears on Seokjin, Jimin, and Hoseok too. Everyone is worried. This is the first time ever they’ve seen something horrible like this. It’s horrendous when they saw Namjoon in such a state.
He didn’t move at all when an early treatment was done to him by the paramedic. As if he’s already out of this world. He didn’t even aware of the whole chaotic situation. With all the screaming and crying. He just lay there, unconscious and severely injured.
“Family of Kim Namjoon?”
Everyone is startled when a doctor came out of the emergency room. They run towards the doctor, almost stumble on their own feet.
“We – we’re his bandmates…” said Seokjin.
The doctor nods his head. “I’m Doctor Han, the one in charged for Mr. Kim…”
“How – how is he? Is he fine? He’s fine, right? Tell me!!” gushed Jungkook impatient.
“When we first received Mr. Kim as an emergency patient, there’s an open cut on the back of his head, which is the main cause of the excessive bleeding. We had performed minor surgery to treat the wound and he had eight stitches on his head. Luckily, the bleeding is already stopped. Other than that, he had sprained his wrist but nothing serious and it will be healed within two weeks. He’s really fortunate that he didn’t hurt his spine when he took the fall…” Dr. Han explained.
“Is he okay, Dr. Han?” Seokjin asked with a hammering heart. He had heard the long explanation which makes him a little bit confused. He wants a simple word to illustrate whether Namjoon is okay or not. That’s all.
Dr. Han gives them a nod with a small smile as assurance. “He’s perfectly fine. He will a little bit disoriented when he wakes up due to the drug prescription. Otherwise, he is great. He’s a strong and healthy young man. We will transfer him into the room shortly and all of you will be able to see him... “
Everyone takes a relief breath at the statement. They watched the doctor left and went back to the emergency. A loud thud echoed in the hallway and everyone turned their head in shocked when they see Yoongi slumps on the floor.
"Yoongi!”
“Oh God! He’s fine – he’s fine – he’s fine…” Yoongi chanted as he took a shuddering breath, feeling depleted after all the emotional distress. He couldn’t stand any longer after he heard what had the doctor said about Namjoon. His leg weakened and he plopped to the floor. In relief and in exhaustion.
The rest of his bandmates then run towards Yoongi, tackling him over until he fell on his back – hugging the petite rapper while they cried their heart out. They let their emotions to overpower their conscious mind at this moment. Relishing the feeling of Namjoon is safe and sound. He is alive and perfectly fine. Namjoon is fine.
Namjoon had been put under medication for two days. The doctor said it’s for his body to recover from the shock and trauma. He’s lying on the bed while his teammates stay on his side all the time. No one ever leaves the room except for food and bath. And sometimes that doesn’t require them to leave too. They took the shower in the bathroom available in the VIP ward. They take turn to go out for food and sometimes Sejin will bring it for them.
They wanted to be there when Namjoon opens his eyes. They wanted Namjoon to see them first when he regained his consciousness. They want Namjoon to know that they never leave his side at all.
It’s Jungkook who had noticed Namjoon is stirring on his bed that afternoon. “Namjoon-hyung!” he shouted and makes the other to become alarmed. They all swarmed over Namjoon's bed and waiting for him to finally open his eyes.
Namjoon groaned in pain when his body is aching on each move. When he attempted to lift his eyelids, the bright light had attacked his orbs that he immediately squeezed his eyes in frustration.
“Close the blind!” Seokjin instructed when he can see the discomfort on Namjoon's face. Jimin runs towards the window and shut the blind before hastily went back to Namjoon's bed.
Namjoon puffed his cheek when he can’t move his left hand, irritatingly open his eyes when he realized it’s darker than before. He flicked his eyes in confusion when he met with an unfamiliar scene.
He can’t remember that the ceiling in his room is white. He looks around, noticing the same white wall and saw the painting hanging on it. It’s a dull unknown flower in a vase. That’s something he can see in the hospital only.
“Hyung…”
Namjoon hummed at the voice, lips twitching into a weak smile as he recognizes the owner of it. “Koo – Kookie-ah…” Namjoon winced when his voice croaked and his throat feels dry. He coughed to make the scratchy feeling to go away.
Namjoon jerked a little bit when someone slides his arm under his neck and helps him to sip the water from the glass. He feels a little bit refreshed when the water flowing down to his throat.
The bed moves upwards when Seokjin pushed the button, trying to make Namjoon to lay comfortably rather than lying flat on the bed. Namjoon can see all his members face at the new position. He curved into a smile, a little bit weak than usual. He immediately noticed the fatigued face of the members and chuckles slightly.
“All of you looks terrible…” he commented, voice still hoarse.
“Really, Namjoon? That’s all you can say to us after what had happened to you?” retorts Yoongi with a displeased tone.
Namjoon rolled his eyes but instantly regret it when he feels dizzy out of sudden. He hissed while he put his hand to the side of his head. He frowned when his hand grazed the bandaged around it.
“Sorry – I didn’t mean to make all of you worried about me…” he said guiltily.
“You just did!” replied Seokjin and took a seat on the edge of the bed. He dragged Namjoon's hand, preventing him from pressing his head further – afraid that he will touch on his wound subconsciously.
“Wh – what happened, Namjoon? Did you fall on your own? Is this some sort of the unfortunate series of your clumsiness? And what are you doing in there?” Seokjin attacked Namjoon with tons of questions.
Namjoon clicked his tongue in annoyance. “One by one, hyung. You make my headache become worse...”
Seokjin realized his mistakes instantly. “Oh, I’m sorry…” he was too eager to know the reason why Namjoon fell on the stairs that he forgot Namjoon just regain his consciousness a second ago.
Namjoon laughs in amusement at the oldest male's behavior. He then stares at his members in turns, realizing that he had made them really worried about him. He can see the effect of it, evidently shown on their faces.
His eyes stopped a little bit longer at Jungkook and his heart sunk when he saw the puffy red eyes and his dishelved look.
Did he ever take a shower?
“I – I don’t exactly remember what happened –” he answered truthfully. He fretted when another wave of headache throb through his skull. He tried to remember the incident but it’s still blurry.
“What’re you doing at the exit, Namjoon? It’s dark and basically, no one ever takes the stairs. Even the CCTV doesn't work in the area. We need to wait for you to tell us the whole story,” said Hoseok with a weary voice. Obviously, he is worn out with everything.
Namjoon shook his head. “I think – I’m –” Namjoon is thinking really hard to remember exactly what had happened. But nothing came to his mind. How did he fell on the stairs? He barely recalls the day.
“It’s okay Namjoon. Don’t push yourself too much. It doesn’t good for your head trauma…” cuts Seokjin when he noticed the pain expression of the younger. The doctor had warned them about his condition once he wakes up. They need to be really careful.
Namjoon huffed and leaned on his pillow. A little bit frustrated that he can’t remember anything except for the agonizing pain all over his body.
“How many days I’m passed out?” he asked meekly.
“Two days. The doctor had put you under medication for the pain to subside and for you to be more prepared with it once you wake up…” explained Seokjin.
Namjoon nods. “How – how did you find me?”
It took a second of silence among the members and Namjoon raised his brows at the odd reaction.
“You’ve been gone for too long so – so Jungkook went to find you. He – he’s the one that finds you and called Yoongi for help…” told Seokjin.
Namjoon's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach realizing that their maknae had found him that day. He glanced at Jungkook, fully decipher the reason for his terrible state right now. It must be an awful experience for Jungkook.
Namjoon wished that, it’s not Jungkook who had found him. He must be really scared that day. He notices how his shoulder sagged and he appeared like a small bunny, cowered behind Yoongi for protection. He looks terrified.
Namjoon can feel the lump on his throat and how his eyes glistening with tears. Namjoon then beckons over Jungkook, asking for the maknae to come closer. He can see the hesitant in Jungkook's eyes but Namjoon waved his hand, urging the maknae to come to him. Seokjin gives his spot to Jungkook and smiles at him gently, caressing his already messy hair.
“You – you’re the one had found me?” asked Namjoon for confirmation, eventhough he already knows the answer.
Jungkook nods his head and lets his bangs to hide his swollen red eyes. He can’t even lift his head to look at Namjoon. His heart is pounding inside his ribcage, almost combust in nervousness. The image of Namjoon covered in blood still intact in his memory. He can even smell the blood till now. He didn’t realize that his hand starts to shake again.
Namjoon notices the situation and quickly grabbed Jungkook's hand. He caresses the hand softly and tightens the grips. “It’s okay, Kookie. I’m fine now. Don’t worry. Hyung is fine…” his voice sounded so velvety, cajoling Jungkook's distress feeling.
Namjoon can read Jungkook like an open book. He can see the fear in his doe eyes. He can see the restlessness in his movement. He can see the terror in his expression. The maknae is on the verge of a breakdown.
Jungkook lips trembled as he stares back at his hyung. The tears now like a river, flowing through the dam of his eyes, crashing the barricade. A strangled sob slipped through his lips and Jungkook couldn’t hold his misery anymore. He cried when Namjoon wrapped his long arms around his body.
Jungkook buried his face on Namjoon's shoulder, tugging over the hospital pajama like his life is depending on it. Namjoon rested his chin on Jungkook's hair, ignoring the fact that the maknae didn’t wash it for days. It wasn’t his concern right now. Not when his beloved maknae is crying like this.
“Shhh… I’m here… I’m here now. Don’t cry…” Namjoon continues to coax the younger, caressing his back up and down. Namjoon averted his eyes to the rest of his members. They were trying their best not to cry at the situation, but Namjoon can see the emotion perfectly.
”He doesn’t take it very well when he first saw you. None of us did. You were lying on the floor, covered in blood. We thought you were dead. You didn’t move at all when we tried to wake you up. Not even when the paramedic came. It’s – it's horrible, Joon-ah. We thought – we thought – we had lost you…”
Namjoon breath hitched at the story, looking at Seokjin with teary eyes. Everyone is scared. Scared to lose him. Namjoon's heart clenched at the thought that he can’t see his friends anymore.
What if he didn’t have the chance to say goodbye that day? What if he died leaving his precious one out of sudden? It will be devastating for everyone. His friends, his families, and the army.
Namjoon tightens his embrace over Jungkook's when the younger continue to squirm in his arms. He squeezed his eyes in grief, having all sorts of emotions coming to him at once.
How could he let Jungkook see him like that? How could he let Jungkook go through such dreadful ordeal? How could he let the maknae to deal with such a terrifying situation?
“I’m sorry – I’m sorry that I make all of you worried for nothing…” said Namjoon with a broken voice.
Everyone let out a disgruntled noise at the statement and Seokjin flicked his head but not too harsh to inflict any pain. Namjoon pouted at the action, looking at his hyung with a frown.
“You’re important to us Joon. We care for you and of course, we will be worried to death even if you cut your finger while helping me in the kitchen!” claimed Seokjin. A sound of teasing can be heard from his tone when he mentioned about the catastrophe in the kitchen.
“Hyung…” Namjoon whined and the rest of his bandmates giggles at his reddening face. It’s embarrassing for Namjoon but a lovely moment for the other six.
Namjoon continues to pout at the teasing but his heart is much more at ease than before. He likes how the tense atmosphere before has changed into something more relaxed and livable. Even Jungkook had a small smile on his face.
“Hyung…” Jungkook tugged on Namjoon's sleeve as he slowly detached himself from Namjoon's warm hug.
Namjoon gives a smile to the maknae and he wiped the remnant of the tears on Jungkook's face. His heart is stricken at the view and he wishes he never sees those painful tears again.
Jungkook sniffs before he speaks his heart. “I’m so scared hyung. You didn’t respond when I called you. And the blood –” Jungkook halted when a flash of red blood came to his mind.
Namjoon pats on Jungkook's hand, noticing the tense and he smile when Jungkook leaned over the touch.
“I'm scared that I can’t see you anymore. Please – please don’t do that to us again. Don’t – don’t leave us, hyung!” continue Jungkook, voice cracking on each word but he refused to cry again. Well, he tried.
Namjoon cupped Jungkook's face with his uninjured hand, wiping the tears with his thumb. “No, I won’t. I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’m always here, with you, with all of you…”
Jungkook finally had a genuine smile on his face and put his hand on top of Namjoon's hand over his face. “It’s a promise then…” he said and hearing the giggles from his most favorite person in this world makes him feels like heaven.
“Hello to all my favorite people, how are you doing?!”
Everyone startled at the uninvited guess, cocking their head towards the door when they saw two males standing with a grin on one of their faces, meanwhile, the other one is rolling his eyes for an obvious reason.
Bang PD entered the room with a wide grin on his chubby face. He pushed Jungkook to the side, making the younger to groan in irritation. Bang PD then put the big Koya plush toy he bought for Namjoon on his lap.
“Look, I bought you a new toy. Get well soon, son…” he said with a little bit exaggeration voice. Like, he is proud of himself for giving the special gift to Namjoon. He knows how much the leader like Koya and Ryan.
Sejin scoffs at his childish attitude. “You’re grossed PD-nim,” he ridiculed the important man in BigHit like it was nothing for him. Didn’t afraid at all that he will be fired for his oblivious act.
Bang PD chided at his mockery but ignored the manager and turn back his attention to Namjoon. “Isn’t that cute, Joonie?” he asked the leader of BTS, beaming in joy until his eyes disappeared.
Namjoon hides his shy face under his hand, feeling awkward at Bang PD ridiculous act. He had been acting as if Namjoon is in a little space. It makes Namjoon didn’t know how to properly reacted to the man. Meanwhile, his bandmates trying their best to conceal their laughter at the old man's behaviors.
“You really are a pervert old man!” commented Sejin in disgust.
Bang PD rolled his eyes at the remarks. “What? I'm just being nice to Namjoon here. There’s nothing wrong. And there’s no one here so we can be more open about his little space…” he said, pouting a little bit.
“But PD-nim, Namjoon-hyung is not little today…” interrupts Jimin, discretely smile in amusement.
Bang PD lips parted slightly hearing that from Jimin, cocked his head to Namjoon when he can see how ‘normal' the leader is right now. “Oh…” that’s the only thing he can say at the moment.
“You’re weird!” Sejin let out another insult.
Bang PD cleared his throat, feeling a little bit uncomfortable since everyone is looking at him with a meaningful smile.
“But, thanks for the gift, PD-nim. I – I really love it…” Namjoon said and pick the plush toy and hugging it tightly. He curved a genuine smile that looks like a crescent moon, making his eyes to squeeze adorably. His dimple popped out gorgeously. And everyone swooning over Namjoon.
Bang PD raised his brows at the respond, glanced at Sejin with a smug face before he looks back to Namjoon.
“So, can you be a little today? I kinda miss little Joonie,” Bang PD requested out of sudden, sheepishly grinned at Namjoon.
“PD-nim!!”
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Notes:
After the intense moment we had for the last chapter, we need a little bit fluff right?
I'm feeding you with this before another stressful moment with Sukhoon and Seungwoon on the next chapter (it's an early warning for you)
Other than that, this book is my main priority since I'm going to start working next week. I'm trying my best to update once a week, but it's not a promise though. I'll try.
Thanks for reading.
Chapter 34: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Joonie… Namjoonie… My cutie Joonie! I’m your new friend, Yaya…”
Namjoon giggles when Taehyung makes a cute and tiny sound while he moved the hand of the plush toy while it’s dancing on Namjoon's lap. Meanwhile, the others were looking at the two with a raise brows – feeling a little bit weird at Taehyung's antic.
“That’s a childish and predictable name!”
Taehyung hissed at Jungkook, giving him a deadly glare for his not-so-welcoming comment before he turned his attention back to Namjoon again.
“But – but Joonie wike Yaya,” said Namjoon excitedly while he clapped his hand. Feeling happy that the Koya now officially had a name.
Taehyung beamed at the words, giving a victorious smug face to the maknae. Jungkook rolled his eyes in annoyance meanwhile the others just watched the interaction with a burst of amused laughter.
Disregarding the weird name given by Taehyung, the rest of BTS is swooning at Namjoon cute giggles while his eyes twinkling in joy when he stares at the Koya plush toy – a gift from Bang PD.
“Hello, Joonie!” Taehyung waves the hand of the plush towards Namjoon.
Namjoon let out another giggle. “Hello – I’m – I’m Joonie…” Namjoon says while he waves shyly at Yaya. A little bit overwhelmed with his new friend.
A few disgruntled sounds erupted in the room.
“He’s so cute!”
“I’m going to die!”
“I can’t watch this!”
All of them murmured in exasperation, feeling overjoyed watching how adorable little Namjoon is acting right now. His eyes were round in shape, his cheek been tinged with the pink hue and his face is glowing.
Everyone feels their heart almost combust at the cuteness, watching the leader’s interaction with Yaya. Still, an odd name’s choice but since Namjoon likes it, they’ll just accept it as it is. Nevertheless, they discreetly blaming Taehyung for the sappy name.
“Hello, Joonie, nice to meet you…” Taehyung performed with the plush further, moving it's soft hand – waving to Namjoon comically.
“Joonie happy to meet you too, Yaya…” Namjoon answered cutely and Taehyung laughed at his adorable reply. Namjoon made a grabby hand touch Yaya but immediately pouted when Taehyung quickly takes it away from him. An act of teasing the little.
“Taetae-oppa!” he whined while he squinted his eyes towards the male in protest. Pleading the male to give back his precious gift. “It’s – it’s mine…Yaya is – is Joonie fwen!” he exclaimed.
Taehyung cackled. “Really?” he prompts playfully.
Namjoon huffed. “Weally!”
Taehyung's lips curled into a meaningful smile. “Well, what will you give to me if I give you Yaya?” he implored in a teasing manner.
“Don’t do something weird, Taehyung!” reminded Yoongi, as if he can read what is in Taehyung’s extraordinary brain right now. That male is surely plotting over something.
Taehyung cocked his head to the eldest rapper, jutting his tongue at Yoongi's warning. Didn’t feel intimidated at all.
“Joonie wan – wan Yaya, pwease…” Namjoon begged.
Taehyung rose his brows comically, dismissing the disapproved looks given by Yoongi and the others. “Then, give me a kiss!” he said nonchalantly while he tapped his finger on his cheek.
“Kim Taehyung!”
His name booming in the room, shouted by his bandmates in thunderstruck – disbelief at his audacity and bizarre request.
Taehyung chided. “What?”
“What the fu –” Yoongi halted when he almost cursed in front of little Namjoon and he notices the piercing gaze from Seokjin, immediately getting goosebumps. “Fudge – it’s a fudge hyung –” he rectified himself, smiling foolishly at Seokjin.
Seokjin rolled his eyes at Yoongi's stupid justification. “Yeah, like I believe you!” He retorts. “Do you want me to list down the punishment for cursing in front of Joonie? You’ve been doing it a lot, Min Yoongi…” continue Seokjin with a grim voice.
And he averted his eyes towards the rest to denotes that it’s applicable for all of them too. Everyone cowered at the devilish aura emitted by Seokjin. He really looks scary when he is mad.
Yoongi gulped at the threat, knowing that Seokjin will walk the talk. He sheepishly shakes his head. “It’s a habit and I’m going to be more careful. Don’t be too tough about it, hyung. You know that this is a common thing for a rapper. Dissing and cursing…” he tried to rationalize his behavior.
Yoongi then averted his eyes towards Hoseok, begging for help. Beckon over the male to say something, or at least nod his head in agreement.
Hoseok gives a shrug, feigning his ignorant. “Don’t drag me into this…” he said bluntly. When Yoongi hissed at him, Hoseok cowered behind Jungkook like a kicked puppy.
Seokjin peered over Yoongi. “Don’t give me a stupid answer. Doesn’t mean you’re a rapper you need to curse all the time. Well even if you do, you should be more careful in front of little Namjoon. You know what he did when he heard the ‘F’ word before. He’d been cursing around the whole day while he’s been little. That’s – that’s not good, Yoongi…”
Yoongi sighed for being reminded about the incident. “Yeah, sorry hyung…”
“Just don’t do it again. I’m not going to –”
“Just give me a quick kiss Joonie…”
Seokjin groaned at Taehyung's antic, rose from the couch and quickly smacked his head on the back. Taehyung yelped at the sudden action meanwhile the others laughed at the situation. Namjoon is shocked at the commotion, looking at Seokjin and Taehyung with his round eyes.
“Hyung! Why you hit me??” Taehyung whined. He rubbed the back of his head, feeling the impact on his thick skull.
Seokjin stands with an akimbo hand, glaring his eyes to the younger. “All of you really pissing me off. Stop acting so childish and doing something stupid in front of Joonie! You’re going to be a bad influence on him! Set a good example for him as his caregivers!” he scolded his dongsaeng.
“Wow, you sounded like a real mother!”
“Jeon Jungkook!” Seokjin grits his teeth at the remarks made by the youngest, throwing a dagger-glare at him. Jungkook flinched and quickly uttered a silent ‘sorry' for his rude attitude.
“Jin-hyung is like our mother when he got mad…” Jungkook whispered to Hoseok.
Hoseok nods his head. “I know – I know…”
Seokjin groaned as he can hear the comments clearly. “All of you are an adult, so please act like one. Don’t make me spank everyone here…” he said exasperatedly.
“Appa angwy?”
Seokjin released a shuddering breath when he heard the tiny voice, run his eyes quickly to little Namjoon. His heart softens when he saw the confused face. Seokjin looped into a sweet smile and pats on the side of Namjoon’s head softly.
“No, Joonie. Appa not angry at Joonie. Appa just – you know – gives some advice to everyone…” explained Seokjin.
Namjoon nods his head even though he barely understands what does it mean by Seokjin. "But - but no angwy pwease. Joonie no wike appa angwy..." The little said, pouting a little bit while he hugged Yaya to his chest.
Seokjin's heart exploded at the cuteness, wanting to engulf the sick male into a tight hug or even give him a kiss to his chubby cheek. But he just had an outburst when Taehyung asked the same, so he needs to hold himself from doing so. Damn it!
“But I still want my kiss,” grumbled Taehyung for the umpteenth times, dismissing all the lectures given by Seokjin just now. He wasn’t listening to it at all. Or even he had, he didn't care at all.
Seokjin squeezed shut his eyes in agony, inhaling a deep breath at Taehyung ridiculous demeanor – trying not to snap at the younger in front of Namjoon. He begins to consider an anger management session once their world tour ended. Dealing with Taehyung really makes him almost lost his composure. He needs a therapist!
“Joonie gif – gif kissie and – and Taetae-oppa gives Yaya. Otay?”
“Absolutely!!” Taehyung exclaimed with overjoyed. He pushed his face forward and let out a burst of boisterous laughter when Namjoon pecked on his cheek. He ignored the angry expression of Seokjin and the rest objection as he hands over the Koya to Namjoon as promised.
“Yeay! Joonie – haf – haf – Yaya. Wyan haf new fwen!”
Ignoring Taehyung's misbehavior just now, everyone is cooing over Namjoon as they watched how Namjoon pressed the plush toy to his chest, hugging it tightly and even give a kiss to it in excitement.
"Joonie wove Yaya!" He said while he grinned widely, making his dimple to deepen.
They wish the beautiful smile will always be on Namjoon's face and their precious leader will always be happy like that. It’s a hellish experience for them to see their leader being injured and covered in blood. They didn’t want to face the same thing again in the future.
The fear of losing Namjoon is unbearable. They couldn’t imagine how their life will be without Kim Namjoon. It’s dreadful. They want to protect Namjoon from any danger and harm in this world. They want to preserve the innocent soul. No one can take Namjoon from them. They will do anything to protect him. That’s a promise they made to themselves.
Namjoon wakes up with a dry throat and a little bit thirsty. The room is oddly quiet and the sky had turned dark. Namjoon huffed when he glanced at the clock on the wall – it’s almost nine p.m. His eyes scanning through the room and he can’t see any of his bandmates in there.
Namjoon pouted when he remembers that they were all going home to take a rest. Well, of course, it’s a request from Namjoon himself. He can’t bear to see their tired faces and he wanted all of them to go home and have a good sleep. Everyone is in distress after the incident and they really need to loosen up a little bit.
Namjoon gets up from his lying position, hands reached for the half-empty glass and chugged down the water hastily. It’s refreshing and Namjoon sighed in relieved. Namjoon was about to lean back on his pillow when he heard a click sound. Someone is trying to open the door of his room.
But who?
Namjoon squinted his eyes through the dim light of the room when a silhouette of a tall male entered the room. Namjoon can’t see the face since he’s wearing a mask. Even his choice of clothes also very unusual, as if he was trying to camouflage himself. He is wearing a black hoodie with black pants. Everything is in black. Namjoon couldn’t recognize by looking at his outer appearance itself.
“Who’s that?” he asked, grimacing when his voice sounded croaked. He clears his throat before asking the same question again. “Who?”
The male now standing at the end of his bed. Namjoon shuddered when he noticed the glint of his eyes is staring back at him sharply.
“Hello, Namjoonie…”
Namjoon’s heart immediately sunk to the pit of his stomach when he recognized the voice. “Seung – seungwoon?”
The male chuckles at the mentioned of his name. “You still remember my voice? That’s really nice, Namjoonie…” he said.
Namjoon frowned. “Is it really you? Seungwoon, is that really you? But – but you…”
Seungwoon took off his mask. “What? You didn’t expect me to be here?”
Namjoon holds his breath. It’s dark but he still can see Seungwoon's face. A part of him tries to deny that the male is Seungwoon since they haven’t met with each other for eight years. Seungwoon had changed a little bit. Namjoon can see the difference but he believes it is Seungwoon.
“Why – why are you here?” Namjoon asked timidly.
Seungwoon smirked at the question. “Why? Oh, I heard that you can’t remember the incident. Should I tell you about it?” he purposely provoked.
Namjoon frets in confusion, looking at Seungwoon questionably. However, in a millisecond Namjoon's eyes widen when a sudden image flickered through his eyes. Namjoon lips parted in shocked when he finally remembered the whole incident. His body is trembling in fear as he fully regains his memory.
“You – you – push – pushed me…” Namjoon stutters.
Seungwoon softly laughed. “Guilty as charged…”
“Why?”
Seungwoon clicked his tongue at the question. “Don’t you know, Namjoon?”
Namjoon remained in confusion. “What did I do to you that you’re having a grudge, Woonie-ah?”
Seungwoon sneered at Namjoon. “Don’t act so innocent, Namjoon! You know what have you done to me, to Hakyon!” he spats bitterly.
Namjoon is shell shocked to hear the outburst and the mentioned of Hakyon. “Hak – Hakyon? What do you mean, Woon-ah? I – I don’t understand. You know how – how I love both of you. You – you’re my best friend…” said Namjoon, voice shaking as he tried to control his emotions.
“Bestfriend? Best friend my ass!!”
Namjoon's body jerked at the shouting. Despite the limited light in the room, and the distance between him and Seungwoon, Namjoon can clearly see Seungwoon's angry face. His heart skipped a bit thinking that Seungwoon really hates him right now.
“You left us. You left me. You abandon us, Namjoon. For what? For your greed to be an idol! For your ambitious dream to be well known by everyone. You! You ignored our friendship for your selfishness…” alleged Seungwoon while he takes a step forward.
Namjoon shook his head, denying the allegation. A drop of tears rolling down on his pale face. “No! It’s not like that. I – I never left you and Hakyon. You know that I’m not –“
“You just did, Namjoon. Don’t you dare to deny it. You promised to us. You promised that we will be together forever. But now? You forget about us. Me and Hakyon. You’ve been enjoying your life as an idol. You have new friends that you called your brothers. What makes us then? Your ex-friend?” cuts Seungwoon as he harbored his resentment to Namjoon.
Namjoon sobs as the words pierced his heart like a sharp blade. He tries to grab Seungwoon's hand but the male moves away from him. “Seungwoon - Seungwoon-ah… I never – I never forget about you and Hakyon. Both of you are still my best friend…” he tried to explain.
Seungwoon scoffs in irritation. “Don’t lie to me. I won’t believe whatever you said anymore. I have enough of it before. I trusted you, Namjoon. We trusted you. But you – you betrayed us!”
Namjoon wildly shakes his head until he feels dizzy. “No! Please don’t say that Woonie-ah…”
Seungwoon gritted his teeth in anger, couldn’t help from being annoyed at the denial made by Namjoon. He marched forward and grabs on Namjoon's forearm. It’s too harsh that Namjoon's writhed in pain. He stares at Namjoon's wet face with hatred. It couldn’t soften his hear nor lessen his anger. He despises Namjoon wholeheartedly.
“You’re disgusting, Namjoon! You acted like an innocent man, faking yourself in front of everyone. You hide your evil self, showing everyone how nice and good you are. But deep down, inside those fakes attitude – you’re a monster…”
Namjoon wincing in pain when Seungwoon grips on his hand tighten on each word he lashed out directly to his face. Namjoon tried to defend himself, withholding all the false accusations but his voice now stuck. He can’t speak and his breath hitched when he can feels Seungwoon's nails dig into his flesh.
“Let me – let me go. You – you’re hurting me, Seungwoon!” plead Namjoon.
Seungwoon smirked before he let go of his hand, slightly pushed Namjoon's body to the back. Namjoon yelped at the harsh action but managed to hold himself from falling off the bed. He can hear the mocked in Seungwoon's laughter.
“This is nothing with what you’ve done to me – to Hakyon!” Seungwoon snickered, looking at Namjoon with his fiery eyes. “The pain! The hurt! It’s far from worst than this Kim Namjoon! You left us when we need you the most! Where were you? Where were you when we need you? You left us! You left us for those bunch of people you barely knew. What kind of friend are you??!” he shouted in hostility, almost jump on to Namjoon.
He wanted to kill the male at the brink of the moment. But he still needs to be patient. This is not the right time to do so. He keeps chanting those words in his mind.
Namjoon jolted, lips parted in horror at the animosity shown by Seungwoon. He never knows that Seungwoon can be this scary. All those years he had been friended with the male, Seungwoon never displays this side of him. Seungwoon might act a little bit brash sometimes, speaks in sarcasm but he is a good person. He always be there for him and Hakyon whenever they need help.
Seungwoon appeared to be tough and crude but he is soft at heart. He played the role of big brother among the three of them. A brother that always protect and guide their group.
But this Seungwoon, the male that’s been standing in front of him right now is far from Seungwoon he had known before. It’s totally the opposite of what he had remembered. Seungwoon totally changed into someone else. Someone that far beyond recognizable.
“I’m – I’m sorry if I had done something wrong to you…” said Namjoon. He didn’t know for what he is apologizing but he just knew that he needs to say it.
Seungwoon snorted. “It's too late for that Namjoon. Yours sorry won’t redeem all the sins you’ve committed…”
“Then – then what should I do? What should I do that you can forgive me?”
Seungwoon gawked at the male, feeling offended when he saw the tears on Namjoon's face. He is sick to watch the drama played by Namjoon. Acting so naïve and innocent. He feels nauseated at the act. He wanted to rip off the masquerade wore by the male.
“Will you be able to give it to me then?” Seungwoon asked viciously.
Namjoon arched his brows. He doesn’t feel good at the proposal but nonetheless, he nods his head.
Seungwoon curved an evil smile, amused at Namjoon's easy minded. “Are you being serious, Kim Namjoon? I don’t want to fall into your sweet lies anymore. I’ve been living like hell all these years. I won’t let myself trust you easily…” he implied.
Namjoon nods again with affirmation. He has no intention to lie to Seungwoon. He is being honest right now. He will do anything to mend their broken friendship. He will even give his life if he can make Seungwoon forgive him. He wants he befriends back.
Seungwoon let out a soft chortle. What a stupid Namjoon! He cursed in his mind. “You have to listen to everything I said. Never say no, never object, never protest and never ever you dare to question me. Understand?” he said with a serious intonation.
Namjoon furrowed at the request, looking at Seungwoon with a puzzled look. He couldn’t perceive the intended meaning of his words. He is torn whether to say yes or no at the odd demand.
Seungwoon raises one of his brows, questioning the silence. “What? Are you having a second thought? Do you think you are going to ignore me again? You’re going to abandon me again, Namjoonie?” he asked with an accusatory tone.
Namjoon eyes widen at the assertion, immediately shook his head to rebut the statement. “No – I’m just – ”
Seungwoon moves his legs forward, approaching Namjoon slowly. Namjoon flinched at the sudden movement, clenching over his blanket into a tight ball. His heart is pounding so hard that he thought it will explode any time soon.
“If you really want to be my friend again Namjoonie, you’ll do whatever I ask you to do…” Seungwoon states with a strained voice.
Namjoon swallowed as Seungwoon just a few inches apart from him. “I – I understand… but –” Namjoon wasn’t able to speak further when Seungwoon suddenly put his hands over his neck – trying to strangle him.
Seungwoon grits his teeth as he tightened the clutches on Namjoon's neck – making the male let out a gagging sound. Namjoon tried to put a fight, pulling out the hands off of his neck but it’s a fruitless attempt. Each time he tried to loosen up the grip, Seungwoon will make it tighter.
Namjoon can’t breathe. His face turns red as he chokes for air. He hits Seungwoon's hands numerous times, pleading the male to let him go with his teary eyes – but Seungwoon didn’t budge at all.
“Listen to me Kim Namjoon. You will do anything I want you to. If not – I’ll let your precious friends suffer more than this!!” Seungwoon threatened the male.
Namjoon gasped in horror as Seungwoon try to implicate his bandmates. He shakes his head, didn’t want Seungwoon to harm his friends. He desperately tries to escape from the tight grip but Seungwoon seems didn’t care if he died at that moment.
“What the fuck are you doing to him???”
Seungwoon's instantly let go of his hand over Namjoon's neck. Namjoon coughed and gasped when he finally can breathe, feeling the blood started to run back on his face. He feels warm and relieved. But his heart still beating so fast inside his ribcage.
Namjoon and Seungwoon turned their heads to the intruder, looking at the male with widen eyes. Namjoon squinted his eyes to see clearly but he can't recognize the male in the dark. But he's glad that he came at the right time and became his savior.
“Are you trying to kill him?” the male asked furiously.
Seungwoon shakes his head. “No, I'm just...”
“Just what? Don't you dare to touch him!” the male said in a gruff voice as he approaching Seungwoon. “Who said you can kill him without my permission, huh??”
Namjoon blinked his eyes rapidly when he finally recognized the silhouette and the owner of the voice.
“Suk – Sukhoon?”
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Notes:
Hey, sorry for the delay in publishing this. I'm super duper busy with works and my sister's wedding. And then I'm down with a fever, so yeah - I'm exhausted after the two weeks non-stop working my ass lol
But I hope this chapter is good enough to redeem the delay.
And
The heavy angst is here.
It's already started and I'm not sure there will be fluff in the future 😏
Chapter 35: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙍
Notes:
WARNING: A few medical terms/procedures and it might not be accurate (I wrote this based on a few medical articles) and may differ from the real medical practice.
So please don't come at me saying it's not realistic what so ever. I had warned you so pleased bear it in your mind.
Chapter Text
"Suk – Sukhoon?"
The later male smirked when he saw Namjoon's shocked face. "How are you doing, Namjoonie?" He asked smugly.
Namjoon fretted at his friendlier greet, staring at Sukhoon and Seungwoon in turn – utterly confused. "Both – both of you know each other?" Namjoon asked with curiosity.
Sukhoon let out a low and deep chuckle at the stupid question. "What say you?" He teased. He really had fun playing with Namjoon. Sukhoon always feels amused at his innocent act. As much as he wanted to torture the male but he needs to be extra careful right now.
After the incident with Seungwoon, BigHit had heightened the security. The broken CCTV had been replaced with a new one, add-on guards on each level and a new security system had been installed in the building.
Sukhoon scoffed at the exaggerated measure by Bang PD but at the same time he kind of understand how much Bang PD treasured BTS – especially Kim Namjoon. Basically, BTS is the main income for BigHit and Namjoon is the 'golden child' of Bang PD. No one can deny the fact.
Sukhoon had expected the same to be applied at the hospital. When he came this evening, there were two guards standing not too far from Namjoon's room. They were checking everyone passing by the hall. The hospital had restricted the number of visitors on that level and BigHit had listed down the person who can come to visit Namjoon.
At first, Sukhoon wasn't on the list. He was furious when he knows about that, confronting Bang PD for the mistreatment since he is Sejin's assistant. He should have access to meet with the boys. Bang PD is quite reluctant to give him the permission at first, but when Sukhoon insisted saying that he had been working for BigHit for almost a year, they should trust him more to handle the boys whenever Sejin couldn't make it. Bang PD finally agreed to grant him the pass. Sukhoon was electrified, feeling victorious at his brilliant scheme.
"How – how did you two know each other?"
Namjoon's next question cut through his trance and he turned his head to meet with Namjoon's puzzled look. He chuckles before he speaks. "We shared the same vision, Namjoon..." he answered truthfully.
Namjoon brows arched further. "Same vision?"
Sukhoon chuckles. Anyway, Namjoon really had tickles his gut – making him wanted to laugh at his consecutive stupid questions.
"We both want you to suffer, Kim Namjoon..." he answered, venom leeching out on each of his words while he is staring at Namjoon murderously.
Namjoon lips parted in shocked, bewildered as his eyes flickered to Sukhoon and Seungwoon nervously. His heart been thwack with the hammering effect and the cold sweat starts to form on his forehead. He gripped on the hem of his blanket, trying to calm himself but at this point everything is inefficient.
"Like I've been said to you, a past that you wanted to forget, the people you had left behind – everything will come to haunt you again, Namjoon. A sin that you need to pay..." says Sukhoon.
Namjoon holds his breath as his erratic heartbeat makes him a little bit whirling and the back of his head is hurting so much. He can feel the bile that starts to rose in his mouth – stomach churns wildly. He is about to puke.
"I can see how much you've been treasured your bandmates. You keep saying they were your brothers and family. You love them that you're willing to do anything for them. Am I right?"
Namjoon didn't know why Sukhoon is saying about this right now, but he didn't have a good feeling about it. Namjoon can see that Sukhoon is plotting something again.
But what is it?
Sukhoon lips twitched into a scowl when he saw Namjoon's troubled face. He is thinking really hard that it's evidently shown on his pale face. "You know what, Namjoon? Maybe the maknae had so much faith in you as they relied on you all this while. That's why their anger and frustration were easily died down. A small nice words and actions, they'll believe in you again. They're gullible..."
What?
"But I do wonder, will the hyung treat you the same if it's happened to them? They were a little bit precarious, right? They don't easily forgive if someone they trusted had betrayed them. Especially if that person is you..." taunted Sukhoon.
"Wh – what – do you mean? Are you – are you –"
Sukhoon smiles. "I think you do understand what's I'm trying to say, right?"
"Why? Why are you doing this to me? I had done nothing to you! I don't even know you, for God's sake!" Namjoon shouted at the male in frustration. Too loud that his head throbs harder than before and his heart is racing at a higher speed. He clutched on his clothed chest, squeezing his eyes as he tried to lessen the pain suffered all over his body.
"Aww, it's a rare occasion that we can see our beloved Bangtan's leader shouted in anger like this. It's really fun to watch..." Sukhoon ridicules the leader and he tilted his head to Seungwoon. "Don't you think so, Seungwoonie?" he asked at the latter male.
Seungwoon, being a spectator at the whole time of the confrontation between the two males, slightly taken aback at the question before he nods his head solemnly. A faint chuckle can be heard underneath his face mask.
"It's kind of fun seeing this side of yours, Namjoonie..." Sukhoon continues to heckle over Namjoon, feeling excited to see the distress level suffered by the said male. That's some sort of accomplishment. He feels proud of himself for being able to do as such towards Namjoon.
Namjoon groaned, a mixture of anger and pain. "Tell me please... what – what've I done for you – for you to – " he choked between his words as his chest feels so tight and he can barely breathe.
Seungwoon marched forward with a fierce expression, pointed his finger directly to Namjoon's face, making the male flinch in surprise. "You killed –"
"Stop it! What are you doing, Seungwoon???"
A loud piercing voice boomed in the room, startling Namjoon as he looks at the two males in front of him in confusion. He watched how Sukhoon hastily stopped Seungwoon from saying anything and then dragged the male to the corner of the room.
Seungwoon winced when Sukhoon's hand had been gripping his arm harshly. He ripped his hand from Sukhoon, looking at the male with wrath in his eyes. "What?!" he asked with a bitter voice.
Sukhoon tooted as he rolls his eyes. "Don't you dare to ruin our plan here. I don't want your stupid ass here wasted all the things I've done..." he whisper-yelled at the male.
Seungwoon scoffs. "So? Sooner or later he will know the truth. Why not now? I had enough of all this bullshit. You said we're going to torture him, makes him suffer. There's nothing wrong if I tell him the reason why are we doing this. Right?" said Seungwoon, trying to deduce his action just now.
Sukhoon shut his eyes in frustration, feeling a little bit mad at Seungwoon reckless act. "Be patient, please. It will be more fun if we let him suffer long enough. Understand?" he gritted as he didn't want to lose his temper dealing with the said male. He pats on Seungwoon's shoulder, buried his nail on to the shoulder blade – sort of giving a warning to him.
Seungwoon grimace at the attack, stumble a step backward to avoid the continuous torture. He glares at Sukhoon, in torn between his own revenge and Sukhoon's nasty plan. Seungwoon glanced through the corner of his eyes where he can see Namjoon's dumb face as he's watching the two. Seungwoon cocked his head back to Sukhoon and sighing in defeat.
"Okay, " he finally agreed, conceded with Sukhoon's evil plan.
Sukhoon let out a relieved sigh, trying his best not to make it obvious on front of Seungwoon. He then left the male in the corner before he went back to Namjoon again. Sukhoon notices the sickness on Namjoon's face – worse than before.
"Next time we meet, it's the third strike, Kim Namjoon!" Sukhoon said venomously. He didn't wait for Namjoon to retaliate, walking towards the door and waited for Seungwoon to join him before he slammed the door shut.
Namjoon's body jerked at the demeanor, blankly stares at the closed door. His hand is shaking, clutching onto the blanket and his whole body also trembling. He feels cold. His vision blurred and his surroundings started to spin around. The room is upside down.
Namjoon let out a small cough and he frowned at the pain over his throat. "I – I need to lay down," he whispered to himself. Afraid that he might fainted if he keeps on sitting.
Namjoon immediately laid his back onto the mattress, trying to relax after the intense conversation. He couldn't think any of it as his brain is in a hazy state, fogging his mind. His stomach grumbled and his heart continues to pound vigorously inside the ribcage.
Sukhoon? Seungwoon? What are you conspiring now?
Namjoon touched the red marks over his neck – the aftereffects of Seungwoon's strangling him last night. Namjoon can see the obvious finger marks over it, hissing in pain when he put the pressure on it.
Namjoon didn't know how to hide those ugly marks from his bandmates. They might be freaking out and he will have no answer if they were going to shoot him with tons of questions.
Namjoon let out a small cough, frowning when it makes his chest hurts. After Sukhoon and Seungwoon left last night, he couldn't stop himself from vomiting until he dried heave. The emotional distress was too much that it's finally affected his body. He wakes up with sore muscles and a splitting headache. His eyes were red and glassy – Namjoon thought that he is down with fever. He feels sluggish and feverish.
Namjoon splashed the cold water to his face, trying to regain the freshness over his tired complexion. His hand is a little bit shaking for unknown reasons. Namjoon slowly takes the long shawl on the counter and round it up over his neck, to conceal the hideous red marks. Feeling grateful that Seokjin had brought the shawl for him yesterday.
When Namjoon gets out of the bathroom, he was surprised to see his bandmates already scattered around in the room. He masked a smile when Jungkook is the first person that notice his presence.
"Namjoon-hyung!" he called with a high pitch voice, noting the others. Enthusiastic as always.
"Hey, Kook..." Namjoon was about to protest when Jungkook grabbed his arm and helped him to walk to his bed but Jungkook clicked his tongue and ignores his flushed face when his other hand snaked on his slim waist.
Namjoon leaned on the head of the bed, slightly lift up to make him comfortable. When Jungkook pulled the blanket up to his waist, softly tugged on each side, Namjoon huffed in annoyance at the extra care by the maknae. "You are overacting, Kookie..." he complained but his lips curved into a shy smile.
Jungkook jutted his lower lips playfully. "I want to take care of you hyung. Let me do this, okay?" he said firmly.
Namjoon sighed, letting the young boy do whatever that will please him. He didn't have the energy to argue with Jungkook today.
"Are you cold, Joon-ah?"
Namjoon runs his eyes towards Yoongi where the eldest rapper is looking at him with pucker brows. Namjoon subconsciously touched the shawl on his neck, a little bit nervous when all the six pairs of eyes were looking at him intensely. He clears his throat awkwardly before he speaks. "Yeah, I'm - I didn't feel good. A little bit cold this morning," he said in a stammering speech.
Seokjin immediately comes forward and puts his hand on Namjoon's forehead. He cringed when he can feel the hot skin of the leader. "You're burning, Joon. I think you have a fever..." he said in a worried tone. He softly wiped the cold sweat on Namjoon's forehead and take notice of his pale face.
A few murmured can be heard in the room and Jimin frantically gets out of the room to call for a doctor. Namjoon didn't have the chance to stop the small dancer. Namjoon flinched when the rest were piling over his bed, looking at him with concern.
"I'm fine, guys. Seriously, you're exaggerating over something trivial..." Namjoon said, whining a little bit.
"No Namjoon! You just injured your head and being feverish is not a good sign..." refute Hoseok.
"Yeah, hyung. I agree with that. Just let the doctor check on you, okay?" Taehyung states.
Namjoon groaned as he leaned on his pillow. Indeed, he didn't feel great today, his body is burning and his head is throbbing. But he didn't want to make his bandmates to worry about him.
"You're sweating a lot, Joon. Take off the shawl..." asked Yoongi when he can obviously see how Namjoon's profusely sweating and his pajama start to soak wet.
Namjoon eyes widen in horror and he immediately clutched on the shawl. "No!" His voice rising, causing everyone to appalled at his outburst.
Yoongi narrowed down his eyes towards the younger, staring at him suspiciously. "Why?" he asked with his stale voice. He exchanges glance with the rest of the members, having the same questioning look on their handsome faces.
Namjoon gulped at the cold treatment by the male. He averted the sharp-eyes, looking everywhere and anywhere but his bandmates. His hand was clammy because of the anxiousness, mixed up together with the heat of his body.
"Namjoon..."
Namjoon shuts his eyes hearing the stern voice of Yoongi. Ignoring his bandmates, Namjoon moved his body and lying on his side – hiding his face on the pillow as his tears cascade down from the corner of his eyes. He curled his body as he feels the fatigue starts to consume all his energy.
"Joon-ah..." Seokjin was taken aback by Namjoon's reaction. He cocked his head to Yoongi where he can see the same worry on his face. The same goes for the others.
"Joon-ah..." called Seokjin and he softly patted on Namjoon's shoulder. "Did you hurt somewhere?" he asked carefully. Afraid that the leader might injure himself and try to hide the fact from the members.
Seokjin had accustomed to Namjoon's bad habit of concealing his injuries from the members until it becomes unbearable for him. He had reprimanded the younger male not to do the same thing in the future, but it seems that Namjoon just being Namjoon.
Namjoon didn't know why he reacted that way, but he can't bear to face everyone right now. He didn't want them to see the marks on his neck. He didn't want them to know because he knows that Sukhoon will do anything to harm his friends. Call him stupid but he cares for his bandmates so much. Being with them all over the years through the up and down, through thick and thin, Namjoon couldn't let anyone hurt them. Especially not him being the reason for that.
Namjoon jumped when someone caressed his hair softly. He didn't know whether it's Seokjin or Yoongi since the two are closer to him. He didn't have the gut to roll over and facing them, showing them his tearjerk face. But he really appreciates the gesture, feeling a little bit contended and calm. He leaned over the touch, asking for more.
Seokjin sighed when Namjoon didn't say anything when he touched the younger's hair but he never stops doing it, seeing how much it makes Namjoon's tense body loosen up slowly. When Jimin came to the room with the doctor, everyone steps aside and gives the way to the doctor. Seokjin smiles when he heard the whining from the leader meanwhile Jimin furrowed as he can feel the tension in the room.
Jimin mouthed 'what happens' to his bandmates and everyone just shrugs meanwhile Taehyung replied 'later' when Jimin pouted at the secrecy.
Doctor Han requested Namjoon to lie on his back and Namjoon groaned when a small movement makes him had a dizzy spell. Doctor Han frowned when he notices the shawl draped on Namjoon's neck. "Can you please take off the shawl, Kim Namjoon-ssi?" he asked politely.
Namjoon shook his head, squeezing the shawl as if someone will pull it out without his consent. "I'm cold... I don't want to -" Namjoon couldn't finish his sentence when he had a coughing fit. It sounded really painful to everyone's ears.
Doctor Han sighed. "Ok. I'll let you wear it if it makes you comfortable. Let me check on your breathing, then..." He confides with Namjoon's stubbornness and unbuttoned Namjoon's pajama before he put the stethoscope on the naked chest. "Breath in and out please," he instructed. "Slower..."
Namjoon inhaled and exhaled slowly, brows glowered when there's a rattling feeling in his chest – a little bit discomfort.
Doctor Han hang up the stethoscope back on his neck and he put the thermometer on Namjoon's mouth. He checks the temperature when it's beep and he arched his brows looking at it with dissatisfaction. The nurse then helped to check on his blood pressure.
"It's 39.4 degrees," he muttered but still audible to everyone.
Namjoon coughed again. "Can-can I have a painkiller? My head hurts," he said, the voice sounded raspier than before.
Doctor Han nods his head and gives Namjoon an injection instead of a pill. It works faster and he wanted Namjoon to have a good rest as fast as he can. He watched how Namjoon drifted into a deep sleep five minutes later and instructed the nurse to change his intravenous drip bag to a new one to keep the body hydrated.
"Will he be fine?"
Everyone feels constricted at the question asked by the golden maknae as they waited for the doctor's explanation. Their eyes turn to see Namjoon on the bed, lying unconscious – getting sicker than before.
"He had a high fever but still under control. We need to make a further observation to make sure that it's not a neurogenic fever. It is a common symptom for traumatic brain injury but we need to do a CT scan to identify the problem. But looking at his symptoms of fever, tiredness, and headache, I can say that it's a concussion injury. It's usually appeared after one week of the injury. I guess the stress had triggered it early and his blood pressure also quite alarming..." Doctor Han explained in a simple word so that the BTS members are able to understand.
Seokjin arched his brows at the saying. "What do you mean by stress? He's just fine when we left him yesterday!" he retorts angrily. Yoongi had to grab his arm to cool him down before he punches the poor doctor. Of course, everyone is shocked to hear the diagnosis since Namjoon was just fine when they left the hospital.
It is weird for Namjoon to feel stress within one night. Then what had triggered the stress? They wondered seriously.
"Is it dangerous?" asked Jimin, voice a little bit shaking when he thought about the possibility. He had enough of the traumatic experience seeing Namjoon covered in blood. He didn't know if he is able to accept if there's something more horrible than the head injury.
Doctor Han shakes his head with a smile. "The disruption of the brain's ability to process sensory input can result in extreme fatigue, frustration and emotional instability which I can conclude that it's what had happened to him. There's no indication of inflammation over his injury and he didn't suffer any brain damage from the previous scan. I believe it's just his body reacted to the traumatic experience, causing some stress which I can denote that he had regained his memory back..."
Everyone gasped at the revelation, eyes flickered towards sleeping Namjoon. They didn't expect the memory to come very soon and the effect will be this terrible. However, they were relieved that Namjoon had gotten his memory and now they can ask him what had happened on the day of the incident.
"I think we need to take off the shawl. He's sweating and it doesn't look comfortable..." Hoseok proposed when he heard a soft whimper from Namjoon's dry lips. Doctor Han already left the room just now and all the members were standing nearby Namjoon's bed.
"But he seems to dislike it when we urged him to do it before..." uttered Jungkook with hesitation. He didn't want to do something that Namjoon obviously uncomfortable with. He had seen how Namjoon persistently refused to take off the shawl that covered his neck. It's weird but Jungkook doesn't want to upset the leader further.
"Well he can't say anything right now though..." shrugs Yoongi as he approached the bed. Without waiting for his bandmates to respond about it. Yoongi grabs on the shawl and slowly pulled it off, afraid to wake up the sick male.
Yoongi was taken aback when Namjoon is stirring in his sleep, immediately halted as his hand hang up in the air awkwardly – still holding the shawl. Yoongi was about to resume his act when a soft cry slipped through the Namjoon's lips. Yoongi eyes widen when he can see the tears rolling down from closed eyelids. Yoongi snapped at Seokjin with concerns and dumbfounded.
"No - no ..." Namjoon is weeping in his sleep.
"Joon-ah..." Yoongi let go of the shawl quickly and bend his body to get closer with Namjoon.
"Daddy - " he continues to cry, squirming under the heavy blanket, twisting the body from side to side.
Yoongi placed his hand on Namjoon's chest, softly tapped on it as he made a hush sound to makes the sick male calm down. "It's okay baby. Daddy's here..." he whispered attentively while the others watching how the said male comforting their beloved leader.
"It's huwt..." Namjoon whimpered, hand on the hair as he tries to touch his head.
Yoongi quickly takes his hand and puts it on his side making Namjoon sobs harder. Yoongi cocked his head to Seokjin, asking for his help. Seokjin sits behind Yoongi and pressed his hand over Namjoon's to stop him from struggling. Yoongi continues to caress Namjoon's damp hair, humming a random song that he thinks can make Namjoon's feels a little bit calm.
He serenading the Spring Day, a song written by both of them based on their own experience. They really like the song since it's reflected in themselves so much.
It took another ten minutes before Namjoon stops writhing in pain. They can hear the soft snores from the male and everyone finally can breathe in relief. The rest went to the couch, flumps onto it as they feel drained after all the commotion. Seokjin and Yoongi stays on Namjoon bedside still didn't want to leave Namjoon.
"His body is burning, Yoongi. I think his fever is getting worse," said Seokjin with a strained voice. Worries evidently showed on his face. He clutched on Namjoon's hand, feeling the heat from it.
Yoongi sighed in exasperation. "Let him rest first. If it's getting worst in the next hour, we can call the doctor..." he suggested, rubbing his tired face in agony.
"He's going to be okay, right?"
Seokjin and Yoongi turned their heads, looking at their golden maknae with a tight-lipped smile. Jimin, Hoseok, and Taehyung were looking at the two, moist eyes, obviously sharing the same concern.
"He will..." answered Yoongi and he didn't know whether it has the weight to make the others believe in his words because whatever he said right now, nothing can make their worry and concern over their leader will go away. Not until Namjoon is standing still in good health, giving them his beautiful dimple smile like before.
All day, they watched over Namjoon, sitting around the room quietly, keeping a damp washcloth pressed to his forehead to lessen the burning from his body's heat. Throughout time, Namjoon only woke once, and when he did, Seokjin helped him to take a few sips of water. Another rattling coughing fits let out by Namjoon and makes them winced at the troublesome noise. But he fell asleep again almost immediately, as the rest is frozen in the chair nothing to do but sit there, looking on helplessly.
"Get well soon, Joonie..." Yoongi murmured while he let out a shuddering breath, blinking his eyes rapidly to avoid the tears from rolling down to his face. Didn't want the others to see his weak side.
Which he failed miserably. Everyone is silently crying too.
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Chapter 36: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀
Notes:
It's been a long time since I last updated, right? Sorry for the delay. Works happen and yeah I hope this chapter is worth waiting for 😊
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon is fidgeting on his bed, head dangled down as his eyes fixated on his hands where he rested over his lap. However, he is beyond nervous. He didn’t have the gut to look on his side, feeling the eyes now staring at him dangerously.
“Who did this to you, Namjoon-ssi?”
Namjoon shuddered at the question, fisting over his blanket until he can see how white his knuckles were.
“It’s – it’s allergic – allergic reaction…” he said with stuttering. Head still down, ashamed that he obviously lied to the male. It's a repetitive answer and Namjoon knew that the said male didn’t believe it at all. He was trying to convince the male as well as himself.
“Namjoon-ssi…”
Namjoon’s body trembled at the stern voice, slowly turned his head to see the face of Dr. Han. The middle-aged man is staring at him with his dagger eyes, peering over him dangerously. Namjoon's body stiffens as he looked directly at the doctor, his eyes blinking rapidly and his heart is hammering inside his ribcage.
“You know you can’t fool me, right? I’m a doctor and that marks on your neck is not an allergic reaction. Someone had done that to you. Am I right?” Dr. Han alleged in a demanding intonation.
Namjoon emits a deep and shaken breath, subconsciously moved his hand to touch the red marks on his neck, trying to conceal it from being adjudged further by Dr. Han. But he knows it’s a futile attempt because the doctor already saw it this morning. He didn’t expect the doctor to come to his room that early for a routine checkup. That’s when Dr. Han noticed the strangled marks on his neck and he was panicking at the moment that he can't grab the shawl in time.
“It’s not – it's not what you think, Dr. Han...” Namjoon tried to create another excuse to support his white lie.
Dr. Han sighed deeply. “Namjoon, as a doctor, you are my responsibility and anything happen to you under my watch is my liability. I have to write my diagnosis and prognosis veritably. I can't lie, Namjoon...” he explained with a firm voice. Dr. Han wanted Namjoon to realize the consequences of his covertness. He can’t let the younger to confront the culprit and threats on his own without giving a helping hand. It's dangerous.
Namjoon bites his lips, debating with himself whether he is going, to tell the truth, or keeps on beating around the bush and let Dr. Han give his own prognosis. Neither way will give any advantage to him or to Dr. Han. Namjoon frowned when he thoughts that his stubbornness might cause Dr. Han’s career at stake. He can’t ask the doctor to give a fake report to the hospital.
“Why are you reluctant to tell me about this, Namjoon-ssi?” asked Dr. Han as he can see the nervousness of the BTS leader. His unfocused eyes are a shred of clear evidence that he is afraid of something. Or someone.
But who?
“Did he responsible for your injury? He pushed you from the stairs?” asked Dr. Han in an accusatory tone. His heart is beating so fast at the possibility. He tried not to be skeptical but he is afraid it is the truth when he sees Namjoon’s facial expression.
Namjoon remained silent, didn’t have any words to answer or to rebut.
Dr. Han took another deep breath, closing his eyes as he tried to calm himself. “Is it someone you knew?” alleged Dr. Han and he can see how Namjoon’s body stiffen at the assertion. “Tell me who it is and I’ll make sure that person will never come any closer to you again...” he continued, giving an assurance to the scared male that he will protect him from the offender.
“No - no, I can’t - can’t do that...” Namjoon whispered with a shaken voice.
Dr. Han arched his brows in confusion hearing the refusal. “Why?”
Namjoon shook his head meekly. “I can’t...” he simply answered, head dangled down to his lap. Too afraid to look up at Dr. Han grim’s face.
“You want to protect that person?” Dr. Han guessing around. Having said that, he didn’t like the theory at all.
Namjoon didn’t say anything, leaving Dr. Han frustrated at his reserve attitude. He stares at the sick male, thinking about the likelihood of who had tried to hurt the male and why did Namjoon refuse to expose the name. It is unreasonable for Namjoon to protect someone who tries to harm him like this. Well, except if he really knew the culprit and that person is someone close to him. Someone he genuinely wants to protect for whatever reason.
“Is he one of the members, Namjoon?” Dr. Han keeps on speculating and his logic mind had the suspicion that maybe one of the BTS had done that and that’s why he didn’t want to say anything about it.
Namjoon’s head snapped towards Dr. Han as his eyes widen in horror. “No!” he shouted at Dr. Han to deny the insinuation about his bandmates. “They – they will never do something horrible like that. To me or – or to someone else… they – “
“Then who is it, Namjoon?” cuts Dr. Han. He can see from his reaction that Namjoon knows that person very well. He purposely put the blame on Namjoon's friends to see how he will react about it and later will spill the truth to him. Namjoon had taken the bait.
“It’s – it’s not them. They will never do such a thing to me. We – we are like family. We never –“
“Then tell me who’s behind this, Namjoon…” persuades Dr. Han again.
Namjoon shook his head. “I – I can’t…”
“Why?” Dr. Han’s impatience grew in a second.
Namjoon nibbled on his lips, feeling anxious. “I don’t – don’t want someone else to get hurt because of me…”
Dr. Han holds his breath at the statement, looking at Namjoon with pucker eyebrows. “Did he threaten you, Namjoon?” he asked for further confirmation.
But Namjoon never answers the question, avoiding Dr. Han's gaze as his whole body tensed up at the current situation. The chill from the air-conditioner can be felt under his skin up to his bone. Namjoon is trembling, drowning in his own thought that Sukhoon will never let him go if he knows that Dr. Han had known his misdeed towards him. He didn’t want to drag and to implicate an innocent man into his problem.
“Did anyone knows about this? BTS members? Your manager?” interrogates Dr. Han further. He won’t stop until he gets an absolute answer.
Namjoon continues to squirm on the bed, trying to avoid Dr. Han provocation as long as he can. He didn’t want to answer any of it but Dr. Han is really persistent and it is really a nerve-wracking situation for Namjoon.
“Namjoon, if you didn’t want to give any answer, I need to lodge an official report of this. I can’t close one eye over something serious like this. It’s related to your safety and the others…” Dr. Han speaks, voice leeched with authoritative to show the gravity of his words.
Namjoon quickly turned his head towards Dr. Han, eyes widen in horror. He then shakes his head while muttering the words ‘NO’ numerous times – voice shaking as he tries not to have a mental breakdown in front of Dr. Han.
He keeps thinking of how Sukhoon will hurt his bandmates if Dr. Han dragged the police into this matter. He couldn’t imagine what will Sukhoon do to his members. He had tasted the horridness of Sukhoon's demeanor. It’s dreadful and he didn’t want any of them to suffer the same.
Seokjin-hyung. Yoongi-hyung. Hobi. Taetae. Minnie. And Kookie. I need to protect them.
Namjoon clutched on the bedsheet, having a gruesome feeling when he picturized the torture and pain caused by Sukhoon. That man is vicious and violent. He can’t let the evil man lay his finger on his friends. His family.
“I want to talk to one of you. Your bandmates or your manager. If you keep on avoiding the problem, I need to take this matter on my own. Do you understand Namjoon?”
Dr. Han keeps on urging the rapper to make a decision - persuading the male to looks into the matter seriously. His life is in danger and he can’t let Namjoon deal with it alone.
“B – but – I –“ Namjoon still hesitating. His eyes glaze with tears. Fears evidently showed on his pale face.
“Choose someone that I can talk to, Namjoon. Someone you trust the most. Someone that can protect you if you refused to take this matter to the authority. I won’t let you go without an assurance that you’re safe out there,” compelled Dr. Han further.
Namjoon sniffs at the threat, biting his lips in nervousness as he is debating who will he call to share the news. He glanced at the nightstand, staring blankly over his phone. He stretched his hand forward where he can see how it is shaking vigorously. Namjoon took his phone and searched the contact number on the list.
Namjoon looks at Dr. Han through his peripheral vision and can sense how the doctor is gawking at him waiting for his next action. Namjoon placed the phone over his ear, listening to the tone as the call been connected. His heart is racing erratically and he takes a sharp intake of the air when someone pick-up the call.
Namjoon clears his throat before he speaks. “Hy-hyung…” Namjoon's voice sounded gruff and horse as his hand tightening over his phone. His knuckles turn to white and he thought he will break the phone at any minute due to the harsh grip.
“Namjoon? What's wrong?”
Namjoon was discharged after five days in the hospital. The doctor had advised him to take proper rest before he resumes any strenuous activity that will slow down the healing process. The doctor has specifically reprimand him about dancing and any other stressful works since the world tour of the BTS is still ongoing.
Despite he tried to protest due to the workload he had and how much he had missed after being admitted to the hospital – everyone is very adamant to let him rest before he could stress himself further. No more objection.
They were having their break at the dorm for few more days before their next tour concert at Nagoya, Japan. They were grateful that the incident had taken place before the concert and they still have plenty of time to get ready for it.
Namjoon is a little bit guilty of dragging the whole team with him, now all the preparation is on hold due to his injury. Even though he had explained to Bang PD that he is perfectly fine and they can start practice again, but the male just wants Namjoon to have a good rest at the moment.
Namjoon scrunched his annoyance thinking how he needs to spend his days resting at the dorm doing nothing. The members don’t even let him do the dishes after dinner – afraid it will exhaust him. What a stupid thought! They had become more paranoid, watching his steps almost twenty-four seven.
For three days, when he’s at their luxurious dorm, they’ve been taking the turn to sleep with him. Namjoon thought it’s a nuisance and deprivation of his privacy. With the members in his room, he just lay on the bed like he is paralyzed from head to toe. They were anxious by him moving his fingers only. The attention given by them is too much and suffocating. His members were exaggerating.
Now that they have started to rehearse again for their next concert, he just sits in the corner of the dance studio and watching everyone sweats themselves dancing non-stop. But they look so happy and energetic. They were excited for their concert so that they can meet the army again. For Namjoon, the whole situation feels like a deja'vu to him.
Namjoon sighed. His eyes stare at his less swollen wrist. It’s getting better but the pain is still there – not as much as last week. The head injury has also been healing so fast and the headache had become lessen day by day. However, he still has the vertigo effect if he ever tries to move too fast or standing too long.
And he lied to them about the whole incident to his bandmates. He heard a voice. A cat. And when he went to see that fluffy creature at the exit, descended through the stairs – as expected he clumsily tripped his own feet and rolled down on the edgy stairs, leaving him grievously hurt.
Everyone was looking at him with mouth agape, obviously, shell shocked to hear the story. It was too good to be true. But Namjoon ignores the questionable looks of his handsome caregivers and start rambling about their world tour schedules in Japan.
He was relieved that they never asked further about the red marks on his neck when he said he had an allergic reaction. It seems so easy to utter those lies to his bandmates. But still, Namjoon had the guilt lingering over his heart. He wonders to himself for how long he was able to keep on lying to his bandmates. Sooner or later they will find the truth. They will know about Sukhoon and Seungwoon.
Thinking of the probability, Namjoon is scared. He is in fear that Sukhoon will try to harm them. He didn’t want the evil manager to hurt them. He didn’t know what he is going to do but for now, he wanted to protect all of them. Even that’s mean he needs to bear Sukhoon’s torture against him.
“No need to pout the whole days, Namjoon-ah...”
Namjoon was taken aback at the voice, quickly lifted his head to see the man in front of him. He clicked his tongue when he saw Yoongi is grinning at him like a fool.
Yoongi smiles at his childish reaction and takes a seat beside Namjoon, brushing over his shoulder playfully – making Namjoon groan at him. Yoongi ignores the small protest and wipes the sweat over his face due to the strenuous dancing they have since morning.
“You should be resting at home…” Yoongi said. He glances at Namjoon for a second before he chugged the water from the bottle, feeling refreshed once the cold liquid flows through his throat.
Namjoon huffed. “Don’t want.” He retorts childishly.
Yoongi chuckles as he cooed at the cute response. “Then don’t make that face…” he teased and pinched Namjoon's cheek – swooning over Namjoon’s cute face when he scrunched his nose in irritation.
Namjoon winced in pain and rolled his eyes. “I’m bored. I’ve been doing nothing since morning…” he whined.
“You’re sick Joon-ah. You need to have a good rest for our next concert. If you keep on pushing yourself like this, you’re unable to perform with us. The healing process will take longer than it should…” said Yoongi.
Yoongi gives a stern look to the younger, showing his dissatisfaction over Namjoon's overworking attitude. He didn’t know why the younger is really persistent about his role as the leader. He’s been harsh towards himself. Doing all sorts of works – singing, dancing, composing, leading; basically everything.
He never sees Namjoon resting in between his job. Like, take a deep breath for a moment before doing something else. He just like a robot; everything is programmed into his genius brain and he moves automatically. Non-stop.
Yoongi grimaced imagining how Namjoon been running back and forth between the members and the crews to make sure everything is perfect before the concert started. It’s exhausting just watching the younger like that. Yoongi couldn’t decipher if he was given the responsibility to lead BTS. He will collapse half-day through it.
Maybe that’s the reason why he is not the leader but Namjoon. Bang-PD is confident at the younger's ability to lead BTS despite Seokjin and Yoongi being the oldest. Everyone can see it now, how Namjoon had brought success and fame to BTS. It's phenomenal and amazing how a young boy like him managed to do that within a few years.
Namjoon huffed in frustration. “I’m going to the RKive…” he said and slowly get up from the floor – totally ignored the murderous glare thrown by the elder rapper.
Yoongi grabbed Namjoon's hand and quickly stand up, facing the younger. “Joon-ah…”
Namjoon chided. “I need to finish our new song for the comeback. While you and the rest are here to rehearse to give your best for our concert and army, I need to do something too, right?” he said bitterly. He feels useless to do nothing here where he at least can give proper attention to their new album while he can’t rehearse with the others.
Namjoon didn’t know why he is giving such an attitude to Yoongi, but he just didn’t feel good sitting there for hours doing nothing. He is the leader, he needs to be more responsible and diligently do his works like the others too.
“You’re being harsh towards yourself…” said Yoongi as he holds Namjoon's wrist tightly. Didn’t have any intention to let the younger go anywhere.
Namjoon meekly smiles at his hyung. “You worried too much. I'm okay hyung. Don’t you think that you're being overprotective right now? I'm not going to fall on the stairs again, hyung…” he half-jokes, laughing at his own words but it sounded too fake to his own ears.
“Yah! Don’t say like that Namjoon! Don’t you dare to hurt yourself again!” Yoongi scolds the said male. His heart skipped a bit when he heard how easy such words slipped through from Namjoon's lips. He couldn’t imagine if he needs to encounter the same incident again. He didn’t know if his heart is able to bear the repulsive emotion once more.
“Hyung… don’t think too much…”
Yoongi's short reverie was cut short by Namjoon's half-suppressed laugh. He squinted his eyes towards the younger, displeased with his mischievous act. “Don’t you act like a brat Namjoonie…” he reprimands the younger.
Namjoon pouted when the elder called him ‘brat’. Either in little space or not, being called a ‘brat’ is not much to his liking.
“Ah, don’t do that duck face too. You should behave properly when the elder is giving you advice instead of giving some attitude. I can punish you for being naughty, you know that right?” Yoongi said with his cold voice, trying to instill fear over the latter male.
“Hyung….”
“No whining also…”
Namjoon jutted his lips further and yanked his hands from Yoongi. Yoongi was about to say something when Namjoon immediately run out from the dance studio with a giggle and a loud ‘bye-bye’ leaving the said male flustered at his sudden act.
“Yah Namjoon!!” he shouted and watched how fast Namjoon is running through the hallway. “Don’t you run, you brat!!!” he shouted in concern, afraid the younger will fall and hurt himself again.
Namjoon stops running in the middle of the hallway. “Don't worry hyung. I’ll take care of myself...” he said with a stupid grin on his face, waving at his hyung cheerfully.
Yoongi sighed. “One-hour only Joon. I'll come to get you after that!” Yoongi states firmly.
Namjoon stuck out his tongue. “I'm going to lock the door!!” he jokingly said and start to run again before Yoongi come and catch him off guard.
“Yah!!!”
Namjoon ignored the shouting and he is still in a giggling mess when he is at RKive front door. The adrenaline pumps out through his veins as it’s been so long since he feels so excited like that. Lucky that he didn’t trip himself while running away from Yoongi. He knew he will get tons of scolding from Yoongi later but he didn’t want to worry about it for now. He only has one hour to do his works. He didn’t want to waste his precious time for something trivial.
“You look good…”
Namjoon's heart almost exploded at the interruption and when he turns his head to the side, he can see Sukhoon standing nearby with a smug face. Namjoon shuddered at the intimidating aura presence with Sukhoon.
Not again! Why can't he leave me for a second? For God's sake, this is getting really annoying!
“What do you want?” Namjoon asked fearlessly. He straightened his body to appear more convincing and confident in front of the male.
Sukhoon raised his brows at the bold reaction. His lips twitched into a smile, feeling amused out of sudden. “Whoa, you’re being a brat here. Don’t give me that attitude, Kim Namjoon-ssi.” Sukhoon chided in annoyance.
Namjoon groaned at Sukhoon's taunt. “Just tell me what the fuck you want from me! I'm not in the mood to play your stupid game. You and Seungwoon obviously have a grudge against me. Tell me what is it and let us end this cat-mouse game!” Namjoon lashed out his anger.
Can’t blame him for losing his mind right now. Sukhoon is really being a pain in the ass. Namjoon has enough of his torture. That male is a psycho. A lunatic that obviously had a mental problem. He had been harassing Namjoon since day one but being really ambiguous about his true motive for doing so.
Sukhoon smirks at the courage shown by the male. He slowly steps forward, approaching Namjoon in front of his studio. He can see how the male body stiffens at his act. “I think after the accident you had become bolder than before. I think it is a mistake for not killing you at that moment...” Sukhoon says while he grits his teeth.
Namjoon freezes at the statement, looking at Sukhoon stoic face with a pounding heart. “I - I – I'm busy. I don’t have time to talk to you!” stutters Namjoon as he tried to avoid the confrontation with Sukhoon.
Namjoon pushed the door of his studio hastily but he gasped in horror when Sukhoon grabbed his wrist violently. He stumbles when Sukhoon forcefully turned his body to face up with him. Sukhoon’s eyes were red with anger. Namjoon holds his breath at the look, in fear that Sukhoon will try to harm him if he ever tries to retaliate.
“I don’t like this kind of attitude Namjoon. You know the consequences, right?”
Namjoon hissed in pain when Sukhoon’s grip over his wrist is tightened. “Let me go!” Namjoon tried to yank away his hand but the grips intensified that Namjoon can feel how the larger hand almost crush his bone. “You're hurting me, Sukhoon!” plead Namjoon and he can see his wrist had turned to fiery red. The same wrist that he had sprained a week ago.
“Let go of his hand, you jerk!”
A loud voice booming over the hallway. Namjoon flinched and Sukhoon cocked his head at the source of the voice. His eyes widen when he saw the tall male is looking at him with his dagger eyes.
“Hy- hyung...” Namjoon mumbles in a surprise.
Sukhoon is aw shuck to see the said male. He slowly let go of Namjoon’s hand. “I - I just wanna talk to Namjoon...” he lied.
“I know what have you done to him Sukhoon. Enough of your façade, I'm going to let you pay for everything you did to Namjoon. By hook or by crook...”
"Wh – what do you mean?” Sukhoon asked in a stammering speech. Feeling a little bit intimidated at the male’s declaration just now.
“What do you think, Sukhoon?”
Sukhoon gulped. Didn’t foresee that he will be caught red-handed by the said male. “I - I think it's only a misunderstanding, Sejin-ssi...”
Sejin peered over Sukhoon who’s stills feigning his innocence. “We’ll see about it, Sukhoon... Once I have all the proof, you'll be going to the jail!” he warned the assistant manager and he smirk when he can see the pale face of the said male.
Sukhoon lips parted to say something but he can't voice out anything. He was on a tenterhook wanting to know what is the plan made by the BTS manager.
This is the first strike, Sukhoon-ssi.
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Notes:
Well, do you expect its Sejin that Namjoon had chosen to tell about Sukhoon? 😏
I'm trying to speed the phase of the story since someone said it is repetitive for the last few chapters. I hope it doesn't let you down and please keep on reading.
And to the new readers who recently added this book, kindly note that English is not my first language as such you will see tons of grammatical errors. Please bear with me and I'm trying my best to fix that.
To some of you who already knew about this, I like to clarify that the updates will take some time since now I'm fully working and recently I had become the partner of the firm (so more works lol). 2020 will be a really busy year for me and it will affected my time on Wattpad and AO3. However, I'll try my best to keep on writing.
Thank you for still reading this.
I 💜 you.
Chapter 37: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙎𝙄𝙓
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Earlier...
The door has been slammed open harshly, making everyone in the room startled at the violent act.
“What happen Namjoon? Why did you ask me to come here? Is there something wrong with you? Are you sick or ….”
Namjoon snickered at the ruthless act. “Hyung, calm down please…”
Sejin sighed when he realized that he had been panicking and behaving ridiculously once he walked into Namjoon's room. Sejin blinked his eyes around the room and he was taken aback when he sees Dr. Han is standing nearby.
Did he already here from the beginning? Sejin wonders to himself and he feels embarrassed that Dr. Han had been watching his attitude just now.
“Hi – hi Dr. Han…” Sejin waved at the doctor awkwardly.
Dr. Han cracks up at his antics. “I think you need to calm down first before I explain to you the reason why you're here…” he said calmly.
Sejin furrowed at the words, turning his gaze towards Namjoon where the young boy immediately avoided his questioning looks. Sejin instantly knew that there’s something wrong with Namjoon and his heart made a jump out of concern.
He took the seat beside Namjoon's bed, looking warily on the leader and the doctor in turn. He didn’t feel good at the chill air in the room. Something is definitely wrong.
So when Namjoon told him about Sukhoon and how he had been ill-treated by the new manager – Sejin is beyond furious. He keeps clenching his fist, trying to calm himself as he listened to Namjoon's story one by one.
“Did – did he pushed you over the stairs, Namjoon?” Sejin asked as the rage can be heard from his strained voice.
Namjoon shook his head denying the accusation. “No. He – he’s not. Actually – ” and Namjoon decided to hide the truth about Seungwoon from Sejin and Dr. Han. He didn’t know why he wanted to protect the said male, but he didn’t want to implicate his friend with such a crime. Not at the moment. He’s an idiot and he knows it. But Seungwoon is his friend and he needs to talk to him first before he can assume anything.
“A sasaeng?” shrieked Sejin with disbelief at Namjoon's explanation as to who had done the unthinkable deed towards him.
Namjoon jerked at the harsh tone, lowered down his gaze towards his trembling hands – twitching with the blanket.
Sejin slipped his fingers through his black locks, exasperatedly sighing at the new information. A sasaeng had intruded into BigHit building and it doesn’t sound really good at all.
Being a popular band, BTS has always been exposed to a few uncomfortable situations involving the fans. The obsessive and compulsive fans that will do anything to meet with the boys and even dare to cause harm to them.
BigHit always been determined to provide tight security for the BTS in line with its worldwide popularity. It becomes the company's main priority so that the boys will be in a safe hand wherever they go. Especially during their tours. They had been undergone so many attempts by the sasaeng to attack BTS members and it's caused serious concern for the company.
“I need to tell PD-nim about this!” Sejin announced and he takes out his phone from his pocket immediately.
Namjoon eyes widen at the attempt, quickly grabbed Sejin's hand – tugging over the firm hand wildly. Sejin fretted at the action, looking at Namjoon with a furrowed brow – questioning his demeanor.
“Can – can we not do this now?” he asked timidly.
“Why?” Sejin retorts. Didn't understands Namjoon's plea.
Namjoon takes a deep breath before answering. “We – we don’t even know – if – if it’s a sasaeng. There’s no proof that he – he had trespassed the building and – and…”
Sejin narrowed down his eyes, glaring at Namjoon through his thick glasses. “That’s the reason why we need to inform PD-nim about this! He should’ve known what to do and we will heighten up the security for your sakes. If he was able to do such thing to you, that’s mean he can do the same thing to the other members too…” Sejin expressed his concerned about the situation and reasoning why he wanted to tell Bang PD about this.
“But – but…”
Sejin huffed in frustration at Namjoon's hesitation. “Is there anyone else involved? Someone that you refuse to say his name?” he growled in anger thinking of the possibility.
Namjoon shook his head, denying the allegation as he didn't want to reveal about Seungwoon yet. He wanted to find the truth behind Seungwoon's conspiracy with Sukhoon. What is the relationship between the two?
"I hope you had told me everything, Namjoon-ah..." Sejin conceded with Namjoon's statement.
Sejin had a tough time to accept how Sukhoon had been harassing Namjoon under his watch. All the torments suffered by Namjoon and how the assistant manager had been creating chaos between Namjoon and his bandmates - Sejin feels terribly guilty that he couldn't help Namjoon at the time he needs one.
As such he vows that he will protect the leader as well as the rest of BTS from the devil. He needs to find the proof as soonest before Sukhoon creates another misunderstanding. Or even worse trying to hurt BTS again.
"I won't let anyone hurt you again, Namjoon. I'll do my best to protect you and I will make Sukhoon paid for his deeds!" He vows with determination.
Present...
“That motherfucker! I swear I will – damn it! I can't believe he is such a jerk and evil. I’m going to make him pay for everything. Asshole!!” Sejin cursed relentlessly, ignoring the fact that someone might listen to his loud voice.
He keeps on raving out his anger even though Sukhoon already fled from the scene after he unexpectedly appears in the hallway.
However, Sejin couldn’t let go of his resentment towards the male. He was infuriated at Sukhoon's behavior towards Namjoon just now. He had witnessed how Sukhoon was trying to hurt the younger.
Sejin unknowingly dislikes the guy when he first met him since he can feel his odd aura whenever he sees the guy. He had been keeping his eyes on the said male, knowing that there's something wrong with Sukhoon even though he couldn't decipher it at first. He recalled the distress on Namjoon's face whenever Sukhoon is around but at that material time, he couldn’t understand the reason for his uneasy feeling.
But hearing all the nasty things he had done to Namjoon, Sejin was beyond furious. He should’ve known that guy is harassing Namjoon. Sejin wanted the guy to leave BigHit but he needs solid proof to do so. Bang PD will not fire him from the job without a valid reason.
The company had signed with Sukhoon for two years term; sadly. The employment contract clearly mentioned that the contract cannot be terminated unless Sukhoon had been proven guilty for misconduct or committed a crime. As such, Sejin needs to get the proof first to present before Bang PD. Namjoon's statement alone wasn’t sufficient enough to implicate Sukhoon.
“How dare he treats you like that? I’m gonna punch his face if he touches you again! That jerk – stupid –”
“Mea – meanie words…”
Sejin stopped himself from cursing when he heard the timid voice, cocking his head towards Namjoon with wide eyes. He gasped when he saw Namjoon's glassy eyes, staring at him with trembling lips – almost crying.
“Nam – Namjoon?”
Namjoon let out a small sniff. “Ap – appa angwy. No – no meanie words pwease..” he mumbles with a slurred speech.
Sejin mouth agape in shock. “Wa – wait! Are you – are you a little? Right now? I mean – now???” he immediately freaked out when he saw the droplet of tears slowly slipping through Namjoon's eyes.
Sejin is shell shocked to see Namjoon had regressed into little space out of sudden. He was too engulfed with his own emotion that he failed to notice it on the first hand. Sejin's head tilted to the left and right in a panicking way, afraid that someone might be watching them somewhere.
“Oh god! Oh my God! What – what should I do now? Damn it!” Sejin is obviously horrified at Namjoon's sudden regressing and didn’t know how to deal with it. He never underwent such a situation, not without the presence of the other members of BTS.
Namjoon begins to sobs when he heard another curse slipped through from Sejin's mouth, thinking that the male is angry at him. He gripped on the hem of his sweater, continue to cry silently meanwhile Sejin strode back and forth trying to calm himself down.
“No – no – no… don’t cry. Please don’t cry…” Sejin sought to coax the little when he heard the sobs. Sejin is freaking out and he starts to sweat profusely out of nervousness.
“Ah – ahjussi hate Joonie? Ahjussi no wike Joonie?” weeps Namjoon, misinterpreted Sejin’s skittish behavior as hatred and animosity.
“No!!” Sejin screeched to deny and his outburst makes Namjoon flinched in fear which he ends up crying louder - thinking that Sejin is yelling at him out of anger.
Sejin is horrified at the sight. “No! Please, don’t cry. Oh God! I’m so stupid!!” he whisper-yelled at the little as his eyes wandered in nervousness to double-check if there's someone nearby.
He's being paranoid right now. He has a good reason for it though. Not so many people know about Namjoon little space in the company, as such Sejin needs to be extra careful and try to protect Namjoon from the unnecessary threats and danger.
Sejin then hurriedly grabbed Namjoon's arm, pressing the code to his studio before he hauled the little into the studio. Namjoon put into a fight, wailing as he is terrified that the said male wanted to do something bad to him. He's panicking and try to escape from Sejin.
“No! No! Joonie no wanna – no wanna go – pwease – Joonie scawed!!”
“Shhh! Shhh! Don’t cry Joonie. I’m not – I’m not a bad person. Please…” Sejin let go of his hand over Namjoon and clutched both of his hand together as he continues to beg the little before he shut the door.
“Joonie – Joonie wan daddy!!” Namjoon cried further, ignoring the pleading of the manager. His face had turned red due to the non-stop crying and he keeps on wiping his tears with his sweater paw – causing his eyes to become swollen.
Sejin pulled his hair in frustration, pacing back and forth in the studio as he feels restless at Namjoon's sorrowful cry. He can’t think anything right now because his brain couldn't work properly.
Sejin’s eyes quiver around the studio trying to search for something that might help to calm Namjoon for a moment. His sharp eyes fixated at the coloring book on the coffee table with the color pencils scattered on it. Sejin beamed with enthusiast before he runs and takes the book hastily.
“Look Joonie! Look what had I found for you!” He said desperately and his voice sounded like he had been choked by someone.
Namjoon averted his eyes to Sejin's hand as he displayed the coloring book in front of him. Namjoon inhaled a sharp breath as his doe eyes sparkling while he gawks at the book.
“What if – what if ahjussi help Joonie to color?” suggested Sejin as he notices how Namjoon had ceased crying slowly.
Namjoon bites his lips, continues to stare at Sejin and thinking about the suggestion seriously. “Co – cowor – Sailormoon?” He asked with a croaked voice, a shred of clear evidence on how much he was crying just now.
Sejin frowned for a second before he peeked on the book and noted the image of the Sailormoon on the cover page. “Yes, lets color the Sailormoon together…”
Namjoon is still reluctant, couldn’t put his faith in Sejin a hundred percent. He’s fidgeting and is torn whether to keeps on standing there or to move toward Sejin and start the coloring. He was captivated by the idea proposed by Sejin and its been a while since he had the activity in his little space.
“Why, Joonie? You didn’t want to color with me?” Sejin asked, a little bit disappointed that Namjoon seems wary with his suggestion.
Namjoon hastily wiggled his head. “No! Joo – Joonie wike that… but – but Joonie scawed. Joonie wan daddy…” he said as his lips start to tremble again as he was on the verge of crying for the second time.
Sejin almost screaming out of frustration over how bad he is in handling with little Joonie right now. He himself trying not to cry over his bad parenting skill but he strived his very best to stay calm at this moment.
“Daddy is busy with – with the rehearsal and -and –”
“Daddy no come??” Namjoon's shaken voice cuts through Sejin's stammering speech.
Sejin was taken aback a little bit before he quickly jiggles his head. “No, what ahjussi mean is – daddy will come later. I’ll text him to come here as soon as he had finished with the dance practice. The other members too. Is it okay?” he explained. He prayed that Namjoon will be able to calm down with the statement. If not Sejin will totally lose his mind.
Namjoon stares at the BTS manager, gnawing his lips while his small hands clutching over the hem of his sweater.
“We – we can start coloring the pretty Sailormoon while we wait for daddy to come… okay?” Sejin further said, showing the book in his hand with a wide smile on his face to cover up his nervousness.
Namjoon wipes his tears softly. “Can – can ahjussi hewp – hewp Joonie?” he then asked shyly.
Sejin's lips parted when he saw how Namjoon's cheek turn to rosy pink while his round eyes peering over him with anticipation. Sejin didn’t know why his heartbeat escalated rapidly and he subconsciously bobbed his head for a few times – agreed to help Namjoon.
Namjoon's lips twitched into a smile that makes his dimples popped out. His long legs bouncing happily and he didn’t take another second before he went to the corner of the room and sits on the rug excitedly.
Sejin clears his throat at the adorable act, slowly approaching the happy little and sit beside him. He watched how Namjoon grabs the box full of color pencils and take out a few striking colors before he opens the book and flipped it a few times as his eyes gleam with joy at the images in the book.
Namjoon makes a cute and tiny squeal when he sees the image of Sailormoon that he had done with the coloring before.
“Wook ahjussi!” he squeaked while he pointed at the picture. “Joo – Joonie cowor this!” he said jovially.
Sejin feels his heart skipped a beat and he fondly smiles at the little. “It’s pretty, Joonie…” he applauded genuinely.
Namjoon shyly chuckles. “Hyungie hewp Joonie…” he said, referring to Jungkook who had been helping him before. He beamed at the memory as it was the happiest day for him.
Sejin struggles so hard not make any sound at the adorable scene. He’s so cute!
“Can – can ahjussi hewp Joonie too?” Namjoon asked while he looks at Sejin expectantly. He shoved the color pencil to Sejin and pushed the book so it's situated in the middle between the two for Sejin to help him coloring the picture.
Sejin is dumbfounded and stares blankly at the color pencil in the hand of Namjoon. “Emm – well – I – I don’t know –“
Namjoon pouted at instances. “Ahjussi no hewp Joonie?”
Sejin’s heart almost combusts at the umpteenth attack by Namjoon's cuteness for the day. He didn’t know if he is able to survive at the end of the day for spending the time with little Joonie. Sejin shut his eyes in agony and he takes a shuddering breath before he grabbed the color pencil.
Namjoon giggles and clapped his hand happily. “Ahjussi cowor the – the hair, otay? Joonie cowor the skirt…” he said and pointed at the picture with a solemn face as he gave the instruction to Sejin.
Sejin nods his head in understanding and watched how Namjoon starts to strokes messily on the skirt with the blue color. It’s funny to see how his lower lip jutted in concentration but it's really an endearing sight of the strong leader.
Sejin slowly leans down awkwardly and joined Namjoon to color the Sailormoon, trying not to go beyond line because Namjoon just whines in protest when he did that – which later the two were too engulfed at the activity without the care of the outside world.
It was one hour later when the door been slammed open and a brisk voice echoed in the studio.
“Namjoon, time to - Sejin-hyung??”
Sejin who had fallen asleep jolted from the floor in shock. “Yoongi?” his voice croaked and he rubs his tired eyes and puts his glasses back to his face.
“What the –” Yoongi couldn’t speak his mind at what he had seen just now when his other members barged into the studio while laughing for some stupid jokes they made among themselves.
“Namj / Hyung –”
And all the six standing at the doorframe, jaw almost dropped to the floor.
“Are you molesting Namjoon-hyung in his sleep?”
Sejin choked at the accusation made by Jimin, looking bewildered at his grim face and the other member of BTS. Sejin then turned his head to his side where he can see Namjoon curling to his side in a deep sleep while his hand tugged on Sejin’s shirt while he sucked his thumb. Sejin didn’t know how or when he had fallen asleep on the floor with the leader of BTS but Namjoon being whining how he is tired after they had finished the coloring activity.
“Joonie sweepy...” he said while he brushes his eyes with his sweater paw.
Sejin cooed at the act and quickly asked the little to lay down on the couch but Namjoon refused to do so. Instead, he lied down on the floor and dragged Sejin with him – asking him to sing a lullaby to him.
Sejin was petrified at the request, staring at Namjoon with a blank expression as he didn’t know what kind of song he should sing or does he has a good voice to even sing one.
“Ahjussi... sing pwease...” Namjoon gushed while he yawns.
Sejin scratched the back of his neck, debating with himself whether he should sing or not. But Namjoon already pouting and his eyes glistening with tears as he almost had another breakdown. Sejin sighed heavily before he mumbles a nursery rhymes he had learned from his niece.
“Twinkle, twinkle little star - ” he sings a little bit out of tune.
Namjoon giggles when he heard the song. “Joonie wike stars...” he uttered, dismissing the fact that Sejin is embarrassed at his own voice.
Sejin smiles as his heart swell with pride when Namjoon likes the song and he continues to sing. He pats on Namjoon’s shoulder when the leader scoot closer to him and tugged his shirt with his fist. He had been mumbling something incoherent and Sejin just chuckles at his gibberish talk.
Later, when Namjoon had fallen asleep while sucking his own thumb, Sejin feels his eyes become droopy on each second before he decided to take a nap beside Namjoon. Until Yoongi came and makes him wake up out of shock.
“Why are you sleeping here with Namjoon?” asked Yoongi with an accusatory tone, trying to indict over something.
Sejin rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s coincident that I’m looking for him and saw him -”
Please don’t tell the others about this!
Sejin bites his lips when Namjoon’s pleading voice bombarded inside his head.
“Saw him what?” retorts Seokjin.
Sejin clears his throat before he speaks. “Well, I saw him crying in front of the studio so –so I dragged him inside before someone else found out...” he said.
It's not a total lie even though he had concealed a part of the real story. He had sworn to Namjoon that he will not tell his members about Sukhoon yet.
“He’s a little?” shrieked Jungkook and the others had the same shocked expression on the faces too. They quickly approached the two on the floor.
Sejin sighed. “Yeah, he just slipped and luckily there's no one sees us at that time...”
Namjoon stirs in his sleep, feeling disturbed at the murmuring voices around him. He whined in exasperation and slowly open up his eyes. “Hyung - hyungie?” he asked with his raspy voice when the image of Jungkook's appeared in front of him.
Jungkook smiles widely at the little. “Hey, baby...”
Namjoon slowly gets up from the floor and he giggles when he finally notices that all his caregivers in the studio. Seeing that, Namjoon then grabbed his coloring book and shows what he had done with Sejin while waiting for all of them with a proud face.
“Wook, Joonie cowor this wif – wif ahjussi. It’s pwetty!!” he exclaimed.
Everyone coos at his act and stares at Namjoon lovingly.
“It’s pretty baby...” said Yoongi as he ruffled Namjoon’s fluffy hair.
“Ahjussi hewp Joonie cowor the hair...”
“I don’t know that you’re talented artist Sejin-hyung...” teased Seokjin and everyone laughed at Sejin when his face turns into a dark shade of red while he groaned in annoyance.
“And - and ahjussi sing twinkle-twinkle little star...” tells Namjoon with a wide smile until his dimple deepens like the black hole in the sky.
“Woah, really??” Hoseok speaks as he gawked at Sejin in aw shuck.
“You should join us, hyung. We can make a room for you in BTS...” said Taehyung jokingly.
Sejin hissed at the handsome vocalist and the others laughed at the joke heartily. And Sejin had a small smile on his face later on; feeling amused at the teasing too.
“Are you tired, baby?”
Namjoon nods his head at the question and makes a grabby hand at Seokjin. Seokjin smile and hoisted the male to stand up before Namjoon latched himself to him and hogging the tall male like a koala.
“Well, let's go home...” he whispered to Namjoon’s ears as Namjoon hummed sleepily and slowly buried his face on the crook of Seokjin's neck.
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Notes:
Ah, I didn’t expect that I will write fluff for this but I just want a special moment for Namjoon and Sejin to show the strong bond between the two before we focus again on Sukhoon and Seungwoon. Well, I hope you enjoy the little fluff though.
If you're wondering, why Namjoon didn't tell Sejin about Seungwoon - it's another story that I had planned since I started the story. A surprise? 😏
And thank you for still reading this. Sorry for the delay. See you in the next chapter.
Chapter 38: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉
Notes:
Hello, my lovelies.
Sorry for the long hiatus. I've been busy with works and recently had fallen sick, so yeah... And with all those breaking down moments that had forced me to have a break for a while.
But finally, a new chapter. I hope you enjoy the story 😏
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Namjoon didn’t know what went wrong for the past few days. Everything is out of place. The songs, the rehearsal, the recording. Everything. Namjoon never ever felt really stressed like he had today. Namjoon thought he’s going to lose his mind if this keeps on going to happen.
“You’re so arrogant!”
Namjoon rubs his face in frustration until the skin turns to fiery red. He runs his fingers over his already messy hair before his eyes shifted towards the eldest rapper.
“Seriously, hyung?” he retorts. Disappointment is evidently shown in his thick and raspy voice.
Yoongi clicked his tongue at the answer. “See, you’re acting like one right now!”
Namjoon's brows pucker at the accusation. He didn’t know what is wrong with Yoongi today. He’s in a morose mood for the whole day that they were in the studio. The atmosphere was so intense and Namjoon didn’t have the gut to start a decent conversation with the elder.
Yoongi was being distant since morning. He noticed how the elder keeps avoiding his gaze and only responded to his questions halfheartedly. He didn’t know what he has done for him to get the cold shoulder from Yoongi.
Namjoon roughly exhaled his breath, looking at Yoongi begrudgingly. “What is wrong with you?” Namjoon asks with a harsh tone.
Yoongi's eyes on Namjoon, glaring at the younger for his bold attitude. “Are you asking me as a leader or as a friend, Namjoon?” he retorts, venom leeching out from his grim voice.
Namjoon is aw shuck to hear that from Yoongi, staring at the elder with disbelief. “Wha - What??” he couldn’t hide his shock.
Yoongi snorted in irritation. “If you’re asking me as a friend, then I will tell you what is wrong. If you’re asking me as the leader of BTS, then my answer is anything or everything you've decided for us. You have the full power to do that!” he spats.
Namjoon is confused at Yoongi’s statement. He didn’t understand the reason for such a cynical answer given by Yoongi.
What is wrong with Yoongi? And what did he do wrong for Yoongi to treat him like this? Namjoon is utterly confused.
“I - I don’t understand, hyung...” Namjoon said, literally asking for the latter male to explain to him. He has no clue at all.
Yoongi narrowed down his eyes towards Namjoon, obviously displeased with the younger. “Really? Why don’t you ask our producer then?” he said in a cynical tone.
Namjoon frowns deeper. “Our producer? You mean Pdogg sunbaenim?”
“Who else??”
Namjoon shook his head. “I don’t understand. What is the connection of sunbaenim with all this?”
Yoongi huffed in anger, stroking his blonde hair to the back with exasperation. Seemingly hated on how Namjoon is behaving right now. “Don't act like a fool, Namjoon. You know what's I'm talking about...” states Yoongi.
“No, I don’t, Yoongi. Tell me, so that I know what I’ve done that makes you act like a jerk right now!” lashed Namjoon.
He didn’t mean to be rude towards his hyung but he is exhausted with all the works. He was sleep-deprived for a week, skipping his meals and keep stressing about their comeback. It’s just around the corner and he is still unable to finalize all the songs that been demanded by their producers.
The producers had been urging him to submit the list of the song by the end of this week. Namjoon is trying his best right now. Being busy with the tours had makes his time to do the final arrangement is difficult. He needs to steal some time during their break to finish his works. It’s tiresome but as the leader it his responsibility. He can't even complain about it.
“What a cocky bastard!”
Namjoon’s trance was cut short at the remark. He stares at Yoongi with widening eyes. “Why are you - ”
“Doesn't mean that if you're the leader you have the right to decide everything for us, Namjoon!” said Yoongi with a gruff voice.
“What do - ”
“You need to ask for our opinion too. Especially if it’s something related to our group. You don’t have the absolute power as the leader. The rest has the right to participate in whatever decision made for the sake of BTS as a whole...” Yoongi further said as his eyes stabbing fiercely on Namjoon.
Namjoon lips parted in shell-shocked as he can feel his pulsating heartbeat. He gawks at Yoongi while the male spat out his mind recklessly. And Namjoon can hear his heart been crushed at the false allegation.
How could his hyung have such ill-thought about him? And since when did he ever neglected his bandmates? He never does such a thing in the past neither he is going to do it in the future.
“I - I never do that, hyung,” explained Namjoon.
Yoongi let out a peal of mocking laughter, skeptical at the answer. “Don't act innocent, Namjoon. I know what have you done!”
“What did I do, hyung? I don’t understand why are you accusing me like this. You know I never ever disregard any of your opinions. I always let all of you know beforehand before deciding on something. We were together in this as always...”
Yoongi scoff in amusement. “Are you sure, Namjoon? That’s not what I’ve heard though...” he sneered.
Namjoon's confusion doubled up at the statement. “What do you mean?”
Yoongi groaned in anger. He didn’t expect for the younger to act so dumbly like that. “Why did you asked Pddog to remove my tracklist? He said it wasn’t good enough and you’re going to edit the track by yourself!” Yoongi let out his frustration and the emotion keeps on getting over his nerves.
Namjoon frets. “What? Wait – no! I never – who said that??” Namjoon frantically asked. He was shocked to hear the reason behind Yoongi’s rage. He never had done such thing and this is totally absurd.
Yoongi clicked his tongue. “Don’t pretend you didn’t know about this Namjoon. Even the producer had asked me to refer this matter to you. What the hell was that? It's my song, Namjoon! You have no right to change anything without my permission!” blew Yoongi further, bitterness coming out from his cracked voice.
Namjoon wiggled his head quickly. “No – no hyung! I – I’m not –”
“I know you are genius in making music but it doesn’t mean you can look down on others. If there’s something wrong with my song, let me fix it by myself. No need for you to act like a leader and wanted to do everything on your own. You have no respect for me. In fact, you thought you have the right to do whatever you think is right. Which is totally wrong, Namjoon!”
Namjoon eyes welled up with tears at the accusation, staring at Yoongi incredulously. His lips parted, still in a daze that he didn’t know how to rebut Yoongi's malicious words. Apart from that, his heart hurts. Yoongi is his friend and he should’ve known that Namjoon will never do such thing to him or to anyone.
“Hyu – hyung…” Namjoon voice cracked as he tried to speak while holding back his tears.
Yoongi is too engulfed with his own emotion that he failed to notice the hurt expression of his dongsaeng. “You and your ‘leader’ attitude. It's sickening that you took your role that far. I’m not going to sit still and let you ruin my song!”
Yoongi doesn’t wait for a second after he uttered those venomous speeches. He dashed out from the studio and slammed the door as hard as he can. He didn’t wait for the younger to explain himself nor he ever notices how Namjoon is already crying at his demeanor.
Namjoon fisted his hand trying not to make any pathetic sound but a sob managed to slip through his plump lips. Namjoon’s clutched on his clothed chest as his breath hitched before he burst into painful sobs. He hits his chest a few times, hoping it will help him to stop crying but it’s a futile attempt.
“How – how could you hyu – hyung…” Namjoon muttered in between of his weeping, sadness already clouded his mind as he continues to cry in the studio; alone.
Yoongi let out a strangled scream out of frustration before he watched his redden face reflecting in the mirror. His hand on the countertop as he bends his upper body.
“Damn it!” he hits the top, ignoring the pain over his palm. Yoongi takes a deep breath, trying to clear up his mind before he tapped on the faucet. He splashed the warm water to his face harshly but groaned when the water spills onto his shirt – making it soaking wet.
“Fuck!” he cursed for the umpteenth time that day. Yoongi didn’t know why he is acting that way. The anger had taken over his conscience. At this point, he didn’t know whether he is angry at Namjoon or at himself.
Yoongi rubbed his wet face harshly, resulting in his pale skin turned slightly red. The image of Namjoon keeps flickering in his mind. To be honest, Yoongi is a little bit guilty of making the younger to cry but he has a valid reason to be mad at Namjoon.
Namjoon shouldn't do that without asking him first. Namjoon should've asked him before he decides to rearrange the music of his song. Namjoon has no right to do so and Yoong has the right to be angry. Yoongi is making excuses for himself so that he can ease his guilt that started to creep under his skin.
“Yoongi?”
Yoongi jerked at the sound, tilted his head at the door to see the male. He gives him a wary smile and the said male slowly walked to his direction.
“Are you okay?” he asked while he put his hand on Yoongi's shoulder, squeezing it lightly.
Yoongi sighed and nods his head hesitantly.
“It doesn’t look that way to me, though…” the male retorts.
Yoongi let out a soft guttural sound. “Sorry. I’m just – you know – thinking about something…” mumbled Yoongi. He’s always found a difficulty to speak his mind and he didn’t possess a good interaction. He just a man with fewer words.
“Is this about your song? The one which got rejected by the producers?” the male asked, beating around the bush – but that doesn’t mean it is not true. He can read Yoongi like an open book.
Yoongi bats his eyelashes as he stares at the assistant manager. He doesn’t look surprised when he heard about that coming out from Sukhoon's mouth. As if he kind of expecting the latter male to say something about it.
Sukhoon smiles, to be honest, it's an evil smirk but went unnoticed by Yoongi, because he managed to camouflage his wicked face from the rapper.
“He denied and acted like he never did that!” gushed Yoongi. The anger that supposed to go away just now had crawled back to the surface.
Sukhoon raised one of his brows. “You didn’t think he will admit his own misdeed, right?” he asked rhetorically.
Yoongi huffed in disappointment. He never feels this way about his bandmates. They had been together for almost six years and they had considered each other as siblings – sharing everything and being supportive through ups and downs of their careers.
But today, Namjoon had done something unbelievable. He didn’t know what is the motive of the younger but Yoongi always being a little bit sensitive and defensive about his music. He appreciates constructive comments on how he can improve his music but not if someone trying to downgrade the significance of it.
Throughout these years he’s been working so hard in composing to show to the world his masterpiece. He is proud of his achievement despite how aggressive and assertive his lyrics were. Some people might be having difficulty accepting his kind of music, but Yoongi is more adamant to showcase his own mind and soul rather than to worry about other people’s perceptions.
During the struggles in between composing and training as an idol – Namjoon was there to witness everything. They had been spending so much time together, days and nights being stuck up in the studio – creating music that they believe will change the world.
It's a good indication that they have created a special bond and a camaraderie among themselves.
As such, when Sukhoon came to him earlier this morning, saying the producers had rejected his songs and wanted Namjoon to change some part of the melodies – Yoongi immediately snapped.
“What the –”
“Namjoon hasn’t told you about this? He had the discussion with the producers last two days…” Sukhoon said, faking his shocked face as he tapped his finger on his chin. “Hmm, that's weird. Namjoon said he will discuss this with you…” he continues to pour the gasoline on the fire.
Yoongi clenched his fist in anger, looking at Sukhoon with a dagger-eye and his pale face flushed into the red. Yoongi hastily took out his phone from the pocket and dialed a number. His hand is trembling while he pressed the phone to his ear.
“Yoongi?” someone picked up the call on the third ring.
“Sunbae, I want to ask you about something!” Yoongi said, clenching his teeth as he tries not to let his anger spit out. “About my song that –”
“Ah, about that. I had discussed it with Namjoon and I agree with him. Whatever he decides, I believe it's for the BTS's sake. He is the leader so he knows better than me…”
Yoongi frowned at Pddog's statement. “What do you mean? He's the one that decides to recompose –“
“Yoongi, can we talk about this later? Or you can refer this with Namjoon since we already discussed that. I need to go right now…” the producer cuts his speech in a hurry. And without waiting for Yoongi to reply he just end the call, leaving Yoongi stunned at his action.
The clutched over his phone tightening. Yoongi grits his teeth in bitterness, thinking about what had the producer told him just now.
Namjoon decides to change the melody without consulting him first? How dare he does that? It's his song!
“Yoongi-ssi?”
Yoongi cocked his head towards Sukhoon, staring at the assistant manager for a few seconds before he finally realized that he's still in the bathroom with Sukhoon. The image where he runs towards Namjoon’s studio but later holding himself from asking the said male. Yoongi wants Namjoon to bring about it first and explained it to him.
But until they need to leave for the rehearsal, Namjoon acting oblivious and Yoongi totally at the end of his wits. That's how they end up having a heated argument where Namjoon had feigned his innocent.
“Are you okay?” asked Sukhoon with a concern.
Yoongi ignored the question and dragged the tissue from the roll, wiping his wet hands before he trashed it into the bin. He cursed when it's bounced back to the floor but has no intention to pick it up.
“I'm going to the dance practice,” Yoongi said coldly and left Sukhoon in the toilet.
Sukhoon’s jaw tense at the rude behavior, staring blankly at the closed door for a few seconds before he took out a small bottle of drinking water from his backpack. He smiles evilly while he shakes it and bubbles formed on top of it. He can see the white crushed pill in it, slowly become one with the water – dissolving without any trace that the water had been tempered.
Namjoon rubbed his temple as he can feel the headache after been crying for a while. He peeks at the clock on the wall and realized he's a little bit late for the dance rehearsal. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself before he grabs his backpack and getting ready to go to the dance studio.
He is a little bit reluctant to go after the argument with Yoongi since he knows that the elder will be there too. But he can't avoid the elder and he needs to explain to Yoongi as soon as possible. He didn’t want the elder to misunderstand the whole situation further. He didn’t want Yoongi to hate him.
At the thought, his eyes welled up in tears again. The harsh words uttered by the elder came back like a hurricane and Namjoon let out a small sob. He then roughly wiped the tears with his clothed arms, didn’t want to shed any of it again. He needs to calm down before he goes to the rehearsal. He didn’t want the others to see his pathetic condition. They will ask thousand of questions and he will never be able to answer it truthfully. He wanted to settle the problem with Yoongi first before he can reveal it to the others.
Namjoon rolled the knob of his studio, stepping out from it before he was surprised by someone tall standing in front of his studio. Namjoon holds his breath in shock, almost screamed in fear before he finally realized who is that person behind the black mask, covering half of his face.
“Seung – seungwoon?”
Seungwoon snickered at Namjoon. “Yes, it's me. Your old friend…” he said sarcastically.
Namjoon gulped as he can see the venom leeching out from the words. He stares at Seungwoon, frowning a little bit when he noticed the said male always wear the mask around.
“Wh – what do you want Seungwoon-ah?” Namjoon stuttered.
Seungwoon smiled behind the mask but he knows Namjoon can see through it. “I feel sorry for you…” he suddenly said.
Namjoon is taken aback at the speech, looking at Seungwoon questionably. “What do you mean?”
Seungwoon let out low guttural laughter at Namjoon's ignorance. “I can hear the argument from the outside, Namjoonie…”
Namjoon lips parted in aw shuck. He avoids the sharp stares from Seungwoon, looking down to the floor where he can see his own sneakers. “It's - it's just a misunderstanding…” he whispered and Namjoon didn’t know why he needs to explain it to Seungwoon.
He just didn’t want Seungwoon to misinterpret the fight into something serious. He and Yoongi had always bickers over something like this however it's just in a spur of the moment. After they had calmed down, they will talk again to sort everything out like an adult. Finally, they will be good again.
Seungwoon chided at the statement. “I don’t think so…” he states.
Namjoon lifted his head and looks at Seungwoon with a frown. “Why are you saying that? You didn’t know Yoongi as I did. We always argue like this but – but we will be fine after we had a talk. Yoongi – Yoongi just need some time to chill out before we – we can discuss this again..” he refutes, stammering a little bit as he is nervous at the accusation made by Seungwoon.
Seungwoon smirked under his mask, which goes unnoticed by Namjoon. “Are you sure Namjoonie?” he illicitly asked.
“I’m - I'm sure… we are going to be good –”
“Well, sorry to disappoint you. But Sukhoon is going to ruin your hopes, Namjoonie…” cuts Seungwoon.
Namjoon eyes widen when he heard the name. “Sukhoon?”
“Don’t you think it is odd for Yoongi to know about the discussion you have with the producers when you never had told him yet about it?” asked Seungwoon rhetorically.
Namjoon brows almost meet in the middle as he is thinking about the possibility before he gasped out loud when he finally connected the dots. It's Sukhoon! Sukhoon had told Yoongi about the discussion. But why does Yoongi angry at him when he had firmly said to Ppdog that –
Oh.
Shit! Sukhoon lied! Of course, he had lied to Yoongi! He deliberately gives Yoongi false information about the meeting!
He never agreed with the producers to rearrange the song. He never agreed with the producers to change the melody without Yoongi's permission. He had declined the suggestion and requested to talk about to Yoongi first. He had suggested to them for Yoongi to explain about the song before they decided to reject it. He never –
“You’re too naïve for this, Namjoonie! You had put your faith against someone who never appreciates you. Is this what've you gain all these years? Those friends who you had considered as your own family never trusted you? For them to easily believe someone else and you think they really care for you?” Seungwoon said venomously.
Namjoon shuddered at the allegation, shaking his head as he mumbles the words ‘no’ a few times. Despite he fully believes that Yoongi will never harbor any ill-feeling towards him, but he couldn’t deny whatever Seungwoon had said to him.
Yoongi will never hate him, right?
“Well, let see if he is truly your friend, Namjoonie…” said Seungwoon further.
Namjoon furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Seungwoon laughed heartily before he shoved his phone to Namjoon. Namjoon is confused at the gestures but nonetheless, his eyes flickered towards the phone screen. He frowned in confusion when he saw Sukhoon and how he had put something in the water. A crushed pill.
For what?
“Go and save your beloved friend, Namjoonie…” said Seungwoon as he takes back his phone.
Namjoon eyes on Seungwoon for a moment, analyzing the information through his genius mind. “What –”
“Don’t you want to protect your friends, Namjoon? Let see if you can do that… let see if you can save Yoongi. Well, if you start to run now though…” Seungwoon speaks, eyes gawking at Namjoon.
Namjoon finally realized what is meant by Seungwoon and how the image of Sukhoon tempered the water with an unknown pill. He gasped in horror before he sprinted his long legs through the hallway – heading towards dance studio to prevent Yoongi from drinking the contaminated water.
Seungwoon smiles with satisfaction. “Let’s the fun begin!”
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Notes:
Thank you for still reading this and being patient with me. I really appreciate the support given to me.
Due to my conflicted working schedules, I have decided that this book will consist of not more than 50 chapters only. I'll try to resolve the issues and the plotline (I might pace up certain scenes) within the chapters. As such, this book is my priority right now and the others will be ON HOLD.
Please stay tuned for more and I hope I'm able to update soon!
Chapter 39: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙀𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏
Notes:
It's a long chapter with more than 4000 words to make up for the lack of updates.
And
Read with further caution, embrace yourself till the end of the chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Don't you want to protect your friends, Namjoon? Let see if you can do that... let see if you can save Yoongi. Well, if you start to run now though..." Seungwoon speaks, eyes gawking at Namjoon.
Namjoon runs as fast as he can. He turns a deaf ear on how his heart is erratically pounding inside his ribcage and how he hardly catches on his breath. His mind just worrying about Yoongi and his safety. He needs to stop Sukhoon at all costs. And for that, he needs to be as fast he could.
Namjoon took the emergency stairs, skipping two or three of its – ignoring the fact that he just had a horrible accident at that place. Yoongi is important than his traumatic experience. He can go through the same fiasco again if he can save his friend.
He cursed when his left foot missed one of the stairs, losing his balance a little but managed to grip on the rail beside him for dear life. His heart skipped a bit at the thought of himself stumbling over the stairs before. He couldn't afford to get injured again. Not this time. Not when he needs to save Yoongi.
Namjoon is fighting for the air when he finally arrived at the dance studio. He opens the door in a rush and his eyes widen in horror when he saw Sukhoon and Yoongi at the corner of the studio. Sukhoon is smiling dubiously while handing the bottle to Yoongi.
Namjoon barely has a heart attack when Yoongi takes the bottle, being pleased with the gesture shown by Sukhoon; mouthed a silent 'thanks'. When Yoongi popped the cap, shoving the bottle to his mouth, Namjoon shouted as loud as he can – startling everyone in the room.
"Yoongi!!!" Namjoon leaps towards Yoongi who is looking at him with a knitted brow. Namjoon didn't hesitate for a bit when he whacked away the bottle on Yoongi's hand, making it fling across the room – splashing the water all over the place, including Yoongi and Sukhoon.
Namjoon watched how the bottle rolled on the floor and sighed in relief that he managed to stop Yoongi from drinking the water. After the most nerve-racking minutes he ever had in his life, he quirks a smile at his own accomplishment.
"Thank god! Yoo – "
Namjoon couldn't finish his word when Yoongi pushed his chest harshly. Namjoon stumbles a few steps, unable to balance himself at the sudden attack and he fell hard on the floor with a loud thud.
"Yoongi/Hyung!" Everyone was left aghast at the oldest rapper, didn't expect him to do such a thing to Namjoon.
Namjoon's lips parted in aw shuck, speechless at his hyung's demeanor. His round eyes staring at Yoongi with the most hurtful expression he ever had. His whole-body freeze fixed on the cold floor – numb and confused until Jimin and Jungkook lifted his body from the floor and helped him to stand on his two feet.
"Are you okay, hyung?" Jungkook asked voice lies with an honest concern as he looks at Namjoon sympathetically. He then snapped his head towards Yoongi, glaring at the rapper for pushing Namjoon, almost hurting the leader.
Yoongi ignores the sharp stares as he continues to gawk at Namjoon with vexation. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he shouts at Namjoon nonchalantly.
Namjoon jerked at the outburst meanwhile the others look at Yoongi in utterly shocked. They couldn't fathom what is happening between Namjoon and Yoongi right now, but they do realize the seriousness of the situation. Yoongi never yelled like that.
"Yoongi, Namjoon. What happens? Why are you -"
"Don't ask me Jin. Let's hear it from our beloved leader what is wrong!" cuts Yoongi ominously. Eyes still on Namjoon.
Namjoon shakes his head in defeat. "Hyung, I was – I just want to – "
"Want to what? Why did you do that Namjoon? First my song and now this? For fuck sake, I just want to have a drink and you are not having for it? Are you really enjoying yourself torturing me like this?" impeached Yoongi. He can't hide his emotion; how much he feels irritated at Namjoon right now.
Namjoon shook his head, quickly denied the statement. "No, hyung. I'm just – I – "Namjoon eyes trailed on Sukhoon, standing beside Yoongi with a smug face. Namjoon's heart skipped a beat. He is hesitant for a second but Sukhoon is trying to hurt his bandmates. Namjoon had enough of his evil deeds.
"Are you trying to be an asshole, Namjoon? Trying to mess with me? Tell me what are you trying to do right now? What did you get for doing all this stupid thing?" accused Yoongi further.
Namjoon was shocked at the accusation, jiggle his head to deny. "No hyung! I'm trying to save you!" he exclaimed exasperatedly, telling the truth. He glanced at Sukhoon for a moment, showing his determination to expose the wicked manager.
Yoongi brows pucker at the answer. "Save me? Save me from what?"
Namjoon glanced at Sukhoon again, gritting his teeth in anger as the said male still feigning his innocence. But Namjoon had enough of his scheme. Namjoon won't let the wicked man hurt his bandmates. Sukhoon had done enough damage to him and Namjoon didn't want the rest will face the same as he had.
"I was trying to save you from - from..." Namjoon is stuttering, trying to find the right words to tell Yoongi and the rest about Sukhoon.
Sukhoon lips tugged at the courage, raised one of his brows in amusement. Interesting. He smirked.
"Save me from what, Namjoon?" asked Yoongi impatiently. He thought Namjoon is trying to fool around, testing his patience for the younger. But he has no time or heart to play with the other rapper.
"That – that's water is poisonous!" exclaimed Namjoon and his voice is shaking, imagining the possibility of Yoongi chugging the water without knowing the facts. He shuddered at the thought.
Namjoon can hear everyone gasped at his statement, looking at him bemused. He just dropped a bomb and he had envisaged for them to react in such a way. He won't spare Sukhoon anymore. Enough is enough. He can bear all the tortures by Sukhoon, but he can't let the evil man hurt his precious friends.
"Namjoon-ssi, are you trying to say that I want to poison Yoongi-ssi?" said Sukhoon innocently, hand on his chest as he fakes his shocked expression – feeling hurt at the leader's accusation.
Namjoon almost laughed at his acting, tickling his gut that Sukhoon is extremely good in whatever he is doing. Namjoon wants to praise the male but he knows Sukhoon didn't deserve it. That male is an epitome of Lucifer. Namjoon wants to gag at his façade.
"What the fuck are you saying, Namjoon? You're blaming Sukhoon-ssi?"
Namjoon tilted his head, a little bit surprised when he heard the strained voice of his hyung. "Hyung – I'm – I'm telling you the truth. Sukhoon – Sukhoon had – "
"Why are you accusing me like this, Namjoon-ssi?"
Namjoon furrowed at the velvety voice, incredulously stares at Sukhoon. Sukhoon mimicked a sad face and his eyes glistening with tears. Wow! Namjoon wanting to applaud the male's acting skill as if he is a great actor with numerous Oscar's award.
"Stop acting innocent! You're the one who put the pills in the water! I saw it!" Namjoon bellowed while gritting his teeth in anger - eyes dagger-glared at the said male.
Everyone gasped at Namjoon's indication, moving their eyes to the assistant manager apparently in shock.
Sukhoon was taken aback at the audacity, gawking at the leader incredulously – questioning as to why Namjoon had the gut to expose him in front of everyone today. He used to have the terror that he will do something unthinkable towards his members if he tries to tell them about his evil deed.
But now what happened to his timid and weak Namjoon?
Nonetheless, Sukhoon tried to maintain his face, trying not to fall into the trap. He knows Namjoon is trying to blow the whistle, but he won't let the male succeed.
This is his game, not Namjoon! The only person who will lead the game is him. Only him!
"Nam - Namjoon-ssi, how could you say that to me? I never – "Sukhoon stop as he tried not to spill his crocodile tears, faking his despair at the allegation before he took a shuddering breath and continue to give his speech. "I never had any intention to harm any of you. I have no reason to do that. Why are you accusing me of something I didn't do?"
Namjoon growled in anger. "Don't put your act here Sukhoon. I'm not going to save your ass anymore. Not when you tried to harm my friends!" he sneered bravely and Namjoon is proud of himself for being able to do so right now.
Sukhoon squints his eyes in an annoyance at the BTS leader. "I still don't understand why you – you – "
"I had enough of your crap!" Namjoon refutes in hatred, pouring his real feeling towards the said male with so much energy that everyone in the studio was shocked and stunned to see the used to be a composed man had lost his kindness – far from his subtle personality.
Sukhoon shook his head denying the ongoing accusation. He puts his hand over his chest, a little bit exaggerated when his lips trembled, and his eyes redden with barely spilled tears.
"Oh Namjoon-ssi, how could – how could I prove my innocence to you?" he said with exasperation. He slowly moves towards the bottle, laid down on the floor and pick it up – peering over at the end of it, still have some leftover.
"Shall I drink this then?" he continued to speak, shoving the bottle forward.
Namjoon clicked his tongue, feeling bored at Sukhoon's mask. He knows Sukhoon is trying to establish his integrity by saying that. There's no way that Sukhoon will drink it and deliberately hurting himself.
"No, Sukhoon-ssi. You have nothing to prove here. You didn't do anything wrong. Namjoon just being bitter about our argument before and he takes it out on you, acting childishly!" Yoongi intervenes as his eyes on Namjoon.
"Yoongi, please – " Seokjin tried to calm the rapper, touching his shoulder but Yoongi swats away his hand. The arguments had become too intense and Seokjin knows he needs to do something to prevent something worst happen.
Seokjin sighed at the rejection and moves his attention towards Namjoon. "Namjoon, what is happening here? Care to explain to me – to us?" he asked desperately. He had a headache watching the two arguing without knowing the reason behind it.
What makes him feel more anxious is that Yoongi had never been so mad like that. Not to any of the BTS members. He never yelled to anyone with such a malice voice.
Meanwhile, the others are too afraid to say anything seeing their leader and the respected rapper heated argument. Watching the two with so much fear in their eyes, they were frightened to see the wrath.
"It's okay, Yoongi-ssi. If this can make Namjoon satisfied and to prove my innocence, I willingly drink this..." cuts Sukhoon.
Namjoon eyes widen in horror when Sukhoon chugged the water hastily until no more drops in the bottle. His heart is racing to wait for the poison to take effect but as he waited for almost five minutes - nothing's happened.
Namjoon lips parted with incredulity as he watched how Sukhoon is still standing tall in front of everyone – perfectly fine. The realization hits Namjoon later when he finally understands that Sukhoon never gives the tampered water to Yoongi.
This is a trap! Sukhoon planned all this. Sukhoon was trying to make a fool of him. Sukhoon was trying to make Yoongi hates him. Sukhoon was –
"Are you satisfied now, Namjoon?" asked Yoongi begrudgingly.
Namjoon's reveries were cut short at the grim voice, averting his eyes to Yoongi – now staring at him with so much hostility. Namjoon's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach, thinking that Sukhoon managed to instill such hates in Yoongi.
How? How could he fix this situation? Will he be able to clear up the misunderstanding now?
"Hyu – hyung I – I – "
"I'm sorry Namjoon..."
Namjoon snapped his head towards Sukhoon, almost break his own neck at his hasty action, squinting his eyes at Sukhoon questionably; confused at the sudden apology.
"I'm sorry if I have done something that makes you didn't feel comfortable with it. I know that I'm still new here and it takes a lot of effort to take care of BTS workloads. But I'm trying my best to show my ability in doing my job..." said Sukhoon calmly.
Namjoon's brows creased in confusion at the words uttered by Sukhoon. If he didn't know who is Sukhoon behind the mask, he will easily fall into his charm. But knowing how manipulative is the said male, Namjoon knows everything he said is a lie. Totally lies.
"Why are you the one who is apologizing to him? There's no need to be sorry of..." said Yoongi.
Sukhoon shakes his head. "It's okay, Yoongi-ssi. I know how much Namjoon hates me. He can't accept me as Sejin's assistant. I know he will take some time to do so but I – I never thought he hates me so much..." he said with a sad voice and quickly used his sleeve to wipe the tears.
Namjoon frowned at the statement, looking at Sukhoon bewildered. He feels amazed at how easy and convincing the act was. It sounds so true that everyone will think it is genuine. Well, except Namjoon.
"I never thought you such a toxic person! You were lying about everything! You – you're so evil and – and I'll prove to everyone how pathetic you are!" Namjoon shouted as he bolted towards Sukhoon.
It's total chaos. Namjoon dragged Sukhoon and forcefully takes his bag pack, rummaging through it to find the contaminated bottle. He takes out everything in the bag, throws it onto the floor mercilessly one by one.
"I'll prove to Yoongi that -"
Namjoon yelped in surprise when someone yanked his arm, forcing his body to face with that person. His mouth agape as he tried to say something before a harsh smacked been inflicted on his cheek. The grips on the bag loosen up, falling to the floor with a thud.
Namjoon's body swayed a little bit and his skin is burning at the sudden violence. He put his palm over his cheek and shifted his eyes towards Yoongi, obviously appalled at the unexpected violent.
"Yoongi/Hyung!"
Everyone shouted in surprise at the sudden commotion and the used to be a noisy room with the music blasting become eerily quiet. The other five were looking at Yoongi and Namjoon, stupefied.
"Yoongi! What the hell are you doing to Namjoon??" Seokjin shouted in anger, pushing away Namjoon from Yoongi, afraid the said male will hit the leader again. Jungkook and Jimin were holding Namjoon's arm on each side, feeling worried when they see how shaken the male is.
Meanwhile, Taehyung and Hoseok didn't move at all from their spot – too scared to do so. They never saw any of their bandmates having a fight. Not a physical one. Yoongi obviously mad and Namjoon is acting weird. The two didn't know how or what to think of the situation – deciding to be a bystander and watched everything before they can jump into a conclusion.
"Hyu – hyung?" Namjoon's voice is shaking and the tears accumulated on his eyes threatened to spill at any time. He couldn't believe himself that Yoongi had hit him when he tried to save the elder from the unforeseen danger. But Namjoon has no right to blame Yoongi because he didn't know the reason why he is acting that way.
Jungkook grimaced when he saw the handprints on Namjoon's cheek, becomes redder on each second and how it's swollen hideously. Seokjin stands in between Namjoon and Yoongi, being the middle person to stir down the heat.
Yoongi ignored how Seokjin is looking at him with anger, moved his body slightly and pointed his finger in front of Namjoon's face as he speaks with so much hatred and animosity.
"You! You're being ridiculous, trying to blame someone else. In fact, you're the most toxic person I ever met. Why can't you just admit your mistake instead of saying some bullshit?" his voice booming in the studio, making everyone in there twitching in fear.
Seokjin swats Yoongi's hand to the side. "Are you out of mind? Why are you saying that to Namjoon? For God sake, Yoongi! He's our friend! He's our leader!" sneered Seokjin.
Yoongi snapped his head towards Seokjin. He clenched his teeth in anger as he speaks. "He's not our leader if he's trying to bring down his own member! And he's not my friend if he is trying to ruin my life!"
"Yoongi/Hyung!!" Everyone shouted almost in unison, couldn't believe what they have heard from the elder.
What kind of demon had possessed the said male for him to act that way towards Namjoon?
There's nothing new for the BTS to argue with each other. It is common for them to have different opinions. However, none of it had involved any physical argument. As such, everyone is wondering what makes the oldest rapper to lose his composure like this. It doesn't make sense. Yoongi is not someone who likes to use his physical strength, especially to Namjoon.
"What the hell is happening here?"
Everyone shuddered at the loud voice echoed in the dance studio, quickly cocked their head towards the door simultaneously – where they can see Sejin at the doorframe with an akimbo hand, glaring at every person with a grim face.
Sejin flickered his eyes towards Sukhoon who is standing behind the BTS, having a smirk on his face. Sejin clenched his hand, getting ready to punch the stupid face but he knows this is not the right time. He has been eavesdropping the conversation which he immediately knows the source to the commotion is none other person but Sukhoon.
"Ah, you came at the right time Sejin-hyung. I think you need to know what had our leader done behind our back..." Yoongi said in sarcasm while he glanced at Namjoon through his peripheral vision. He can see the tears rolling on Namjoon's face but choose to ignore it as he feels betrayed by the younger.
Sejin sighed heavily. "I've heard everything, and I think there's a misunderstanding here..." Sejin said, eyes on Yoongi that seems dissatisfied with his words.
"Misunderstanding? What kind of misunderstanding if Namjoon blindly accused Sukhoon of trying to poison me? What kind of misunderstanding if he tried to take over my music without my permission?" Yoongi rebuts with an accusatory tone.
Namjoon shakes his head, denying the accusation. "No! It's - it's not true. Yoongi, I – I "
Yoongi clicked his tongue in annoyance. "I don't want to hear anything from you...suck it off!" he cursed.
Sejin groaned in frustration at Yoongi's oblivious act. His heart squeezed in pain when he saw how Namjoon's face fall at the words uttered by Yoongi.
"I think everyone needs to calm down first. Nothing can be solved if everyone is still angry and not in the right mind. You'll just be going around and around, blaming each other when there's someone will take advantage of the situation to make the matter worst," states Sejin. He averted his eyes on Sukhoon, giving a hint of what he just meant right now.
Sukhoon rolled his eyes at the statement but says nothing because he wanted to see how Sejin is trying to help Namjoon this time. He had tasted half of the victory already and he has nothing to lose if Sejin trying to fix everything. The damage has been done to Yoongi and Namjoon. Sukhoon now can finally move to his next plan. He smiles discretely, feeling accomplished.
"Namjoon, he -"
"Enough Yoongi. Everyone can go home now. Let's talk about this when everyone is ready to talk..." cuts Sejin. He can hear undiscerned mumbles by the members and how they reluctantly disperse from crowding Namjoon and Yoongi.
Sejin takes the opportunity to approach Namjoon, grabbing his arm softly when Namjoon brooding without moving an inch – seems lost in his own thought. Sejin is afraid of thinking of how affected Namjoon was listening to those hurtful words uttered by Yoongi.
"You'll come with me, Namjoon..." said Sejin and Namjoon eyes moving to him, still a little bit unfocused. His lips tremble, trying to say something or to ask what does Sejin meant by that but his voice stuck on his throat – making a weird sound like he is choking on something. Sejin's heart clenched at the view.
"Where - where are you going to take him, Sejin-hyung?" asked Jungkook, who had overheard the conversation. He looks like a kicked puppy, watching the two with his doe eyes – red and filled with tear. Hearing Jungkook's croaked voice, the rest had their attention to Sejin.
Sejin takes a deep breath. "For the meantime, Namjoon will not stay in the dorm - "
"But - "
"Just for a few days Jungkook. Until all of you in the right mind to talk like an adult. This is for the sake of Yoongi and Namjoon..." cuts Sejin abruptly, didn't give any chances for the youngest to question his action.
Everyone obviously sad about the decision but they understand the reason for it. Yoongi still mad at Namjoon and for the two to be under the same roof will not help their situation either. They need space and time in the meantime. Jungkook pouted when Sejin dragged Namjoon away, leaving everyone to feel sadder than before. Except for Yoongi and Sukhoon.
Yoongi is relieved that he didn't need to meet with Namjoon at their shared house. He's still angry and he's unsure if he can hold himself from doing anything harmful to the younger.
Sukhoon smirked, knowing everything was going according to his plan. He took out his phone and secretly messaging someone. A simple text to the recipient.
Plan number 2
"Just take a shower and rest, Namjoon. Don't think too much, I'll help you to explain this to Yoongi..." said Sejin, trying to coax the younger when Namjoon just keeps quiet after they have checked in into the hotel nearby the company.
Namjoon's head dangled down to the floor as he sits on the bed – deflated and exhausted. Physically and emotionally. His eyes are still red and a little bit puffy. His head is hurting because of emotional distress. He just can't stop thinking about Yoongi's venomous words to him and how much hate he can see from the elder's face.
It hurts. Yoongi didn't trust him at all. How did Sukhoon manage to poison Yoongi's mind so easily? Why he's so manipulative? What did Sukhoon want from him? What did he achieve for doing this?
Namjoon gasped when Sejin put his hand over his shoulder. He lifted his head and when he met with Sejin's sad eyes, his already dried eyes start to fill in the damp again. Namjoon lips tremble as he tried to hold himself from crying. He's tired of crying. He didn't want to make himself look more pathetic than he already is. Not in front of Sejin.
Sejin blinks his eyes a few times, hardly chasing away his tears, refused to show his weakness to Namjoon. Namjoon needs him right now so he should be strong for the younger.
"Don't let Sukhoon win, Namjoon. He's trying to play with your loves towards your friends. Don't let him do that to you..." Sejin gives him a piece of advice.
Namjoon let his tears cascade down through his eyelashes, a sob escapes from his cracked lips. "It hurts, hyung... Yoongi – he – he – "
Sejin immediately hugged Namjoon, body racked with a loud crying as he hides his face on Sejin's shoulder blade. Sejin can feel how hard the male tugged on his shirt at the back. Sejin feels hopeless right now as he didn't know how to coax the crying male.
"Shh - it's okay Namjoon. It's okay. He just – he just needs some time to clear up his mind and to understand everything. He is your friend, have faith in him..." Sejin continues to cajole him with the sweet words, hoping he can make the younger feel better.
Namjoon cried harder and louder. "Help me, hyung. You have to help me...I don't - I don't want – Yoongi to ha – hates me..." his voice cracked in so much anguish that Namjoon can feel his chest tighten on each breath he's taken.
Sejin moves his hand up and down, caressing Namjoon's back as the said male cries his heart out. He feels the urge to protect the younger at all costs – refused to see Namjoon in devastating mode again. The sight is too painful for him.
"Trust me, I'll help you, but you need to tell me the truth. And that's mean, everything. No more secrets.."
Sejin didn't know that night, it's the last time he had a conversation with Namjoon in the hotel room.
The last time where the rest of BTS ever sees their beloved leader.
Namjoon went missing.
No one knows why, how and when.
Until they realized the odd things.
Sukhoon had resigned the same day as Namjoon had gone missing.
The mystery slowly resolves. And everyone is appalled knowing the truth.
•
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Notes:
Next: a story of Sukhoon, Seungwoon, and Namjoon
That's all.
Chapter 40: 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙀
Notes:
CONSIST OF GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF VIOLENCE, READ WITH EXTRA CAUTION
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
6 HOURS earlier...
"Now tell me. Everything. And please, no more secrets..." Sejin sits across the younger, on the single couch, resting his two hands on the armchairs as he continues to stare at Namjoon who is sitting on the bed - waiting for him to spill everything.
Namjoon remained silent for a while. His head throbbed after the breakdown episodes. He feels exhausted out of the emotional distress, wanting nothing more than to sleep and forgets about everything. It might be a momentary solution, but his heart no longer can take any pain. He just had enough after the confrontation with Yoongi.
"Namjoon, you know you can't keep any secret from me anymore, right? If you want me to help you, you have to tell me everything..." continue Sejin as he emphasized the words 'everything'.
Namjoon slowly pulled his long legs up to his chest, wrapping his scrawny hands around it and hooked his chin on the knees. He sniffed for a few times and blinked his eyes briskly to stop the tears. He hates how weak he is right now. He hates how easy he had shown his weaknesses in front of everyone today.
He had lost his composure as the leader of BTS. He shouldn't act that way just to prove he is right and Sukhoon is wrong. He shouldn't let his anger to outdo his conscience in dealing with the Sukhoon's scheme.
Namjoon should wait a little bit more. Namjoon should endure everything like he always did previously. He shouldn't fall into the trick. He should've known that Sukhoon is trying to make use of his feeling towards his friends up to his benefit.
Namjoon feels so stupid. Sukhoon managed to deceive him. Sukhoon succeeds in his plan to make his friends hate him. To make Yoongi loathes him. Sukhoon knows how important Yoongi is to him.
Yoongi is not only his hyung but his epitome. Yoongi had always been there for him; during the trainee days till present. Yoongi whom he can lean on his shoulder when he feels down and tired. Yoongi who always has the best bits of advice when he is stuck and hopeless.
Why did he let Sukhoon ruined everything for him? Why did he let Sukhoon manipulated Yoongi to go against him? Namjoon should be expecting this to happen. Sukhoon had done the same with the maknae line, of course, he will strike again by using the hyung against him.
Namjoon shivered at the thought everyone will despise him after the fight he had with Yoongi. What if everyone believes the lies uttered by Sukhoon? What if they believe that he tried to ruin Yoongi's life? What if they believe that he tried to blame Sukhoon for nothing? What if -
"Namjoon!!"
Namjoon's body jerked at the shouting, immediately lifted his head to see Sejin; now standing in front of him with a concerned face. Namjoon was about to ask what happen when he finally realized that his face is wet with tears and how hard he is breathing right now.
"You have to calm down Namjoon. Do not stress yourself too much and don't overthink or overanalyze the situation..." said Sejin with a calm tone.
Namjoon inhaled deeply, trying to regulate his breath before he let down his legs, two hands fall limply on the side. "Hyung - I - don't know how to - "
Sejin sighed. "Let me help you. I will never let you go through this alone. I won't let Sukhoon win with whatsoever he had planned right now. I'll protect you, Namjoon. Just put your trust on me..." Sejin said with a somber voice, accentuating his fortitude to help the younger ones.
Sejin understands his responsibility as the manager of BTS. He needs to protect the boys in whatever situation. This is including Namjoon. Namjoon is like his little brother. They have known each other for years, going through up and down before BTS become worldwide famous. Sejin had known the seven boys since they were young, seeing their spirit to be a successful idol and how much they had strived to become what they are today.
As such, Sejin won't let anyone ruin that for them. Sejin will give all his power to protect the boys and kicked away all the evil that tried to harm his boys. He won't let anyone hurt his precious brothers. Not under his watch.
"Seung - Seungwoon..."
Sejin has been pulled away from his short reverie when Namjoon's shaken voice mumbles the name. He frets listening to the unheard names. "Who?"
Namjoon nibbled his lips nervously. He knew at this point; he must tell Sejin about Seungwoon. As much as he wanted to cherish his old friend, but he can't do that any longer. Not when Sukhoon tried to poison Yoongi and Seungwoon conspired with the man.
"Seungwoon, he - he's the one who had shoved me on the stairs that day..." tells Namjoon as he played with his fingers anxiously. His head drooped low staring over his feet, afraid to see Sejin's reaction at the disclosure.
Sejin gasped, apparently shocked. "What? Why he did that to you? Wait - who the hell is this Seungwoon?" questioned Sejin hastily.
Namjoon gulped. "He - he's my friend before - before I become a trainee at BigHit. We - we were together on the underground scene with - with my other friend name Hakyon..." clarified Namjoon, stammering in his speech.
Sejin frowned deeper. "If he is your friend what is the fucking reason for him to hurt you like that?" he asked in confusion.
Namjoon shook his head as he has no answer to that too. "I - I don't know. Maybe - maybe he's mad at my decision to become an idol. We had - had promised to be together as a rapper, and - and I had promised I'll never leave them. But - but then I decided to be a trainee and Seungwoon - he seems unhappy with that..." he speaks reluctantly as he couldn't fathom out the reason of Seungwoon being mad at him just for that. Namjoon would like to know what makes Seungwoon hates him so much that he even wanted to kill him.
"And he almost kills you for that fucking reason?" Sejin said with animosity. It's hard to imagine a man would commit a murder for a trivial matter. That's so petty and absurd. Nevertheless, this world is full of crazy people. No offense, but true.
"I don't know hyung..." answered Namjoon sadly.
Sejin groaned in exasperation. "This friend of yours has a connection with Sukhoon?" deduced Sejin as if he can connect the dots easily.
Namjoon nods as an answer.
Sejin's brows knitted together in confusion. "How are they related?" he questioned.
Namjoon shook his head. He didn't have the answer to that also. He had been pondering all these whiles the relationship between Sukhoon and Seungwoon. It is ridiculous for Seungwoon to make a deal with Sukhoon. Namjoon kind of understands the wrath of Seungwoon, but not Sukhoon. He didn't know who is Sukhoon and why does the male was holding a grudge towards him.
It's nonsensical. Namjoon is being engulfed with his own emotion that he can't find any words to say to Sejin. Like his world is spiraling slowly and he was floating. Feeling overwhelmed with his own thought and speculations.
"It doesn't make sense Namjoon. Why did Sukhoon conspire with this Seungwoon to hurt you? I don't even understand why kind of grudge Sukhoon had for you. I can't think of any reason for it. If Seungwoon is mad for you to become an idol, then what about Sukhoon?" Sejin further queries since everything seems complicated more than he thought.
Sejin glanced at the leader, noticing his quietness. Sejin runs his fingers on his hair in agony, trying the best method to help Namjoon while thinking about the whole situation in a logical way.
"Well, don't you think too much about it right now. I have been gathering a few shreds of evidence against Sukhoon and I hope I'm able to expose him as soon as possible. I really hate seeing him around the company like he is free to do anything without being caught..." Sejin continues to give assurance to Namjoon.
Namjoon chewed his lips at the information. He peeked to see Sejin's serious expression before he hugged his legs again.
"Yoongi - Yoongi won't hate me, right?" he asked with his tiny and timid voice. Eyes brimming with tears for the umpteenth times today.
Sejin holds his breath at the repetitive question, knowing it is the biggest concern of the younger right now. "He won't, Namjoon. You know he always adores you more than the others. You're his favorite dongsaeng. He just being stressed out about the whole comeback thing and Sukhoon had taken advantage of his unstable mind..." Sejin said with an affirmative voice, cajoling the younger, hoping to make him feel better.
Namjoon puffed his cheeks. "Da - daddy no hate Joonie, wight?" he murmured as he regressed to his little space out of stress unconsciously.
Sejin tries not to freak out when he finally realized Namjoon already slipped into subspace. That's why he was acting a little bit off earlier. Sejin slowly approached the male and crouched down in front of him. He quirks a smile while staring at little Namjoon endearingly.
"Of course, Joonie. Daddy will never hate you..." he said with a soft tone.
Namjoon smiled sadly. "Pwo - pwomise?"
Sejin chuckles. "Ahjussi promise. Joonie trust ahjussi, right?"
Namjoon shyly nods his head. Sejin then helped Namjoon to laid down on the bed when he saw Namjoon almost dozing off while sitting on the bed. It took him not more than a minute to fall asleep out of fatigues. Sejin pats on his head, singing his favorite lullaby 'twinkle star' until he is convinced that the little is in deep sleep.
Sejin glanced at his watch. It's past midnight already. He needs to do something about Sukhoon. Besides, he needs to go to the BTS dorm and have a talk with the rest of Namjoon. Especially Yoongi. He must tell them the real story before the misunderstanding becomes worst. He didn't want Sukhoon to use that up to his advantages. He needs to stop the man at all costs.
Sejin left Namjoon alone in the hotel room, assuming that the younger won't be awake in a few hours. He left the hotel, with the thought that Namjoon is safe to be there. He left the hotel with confidence, knowing that no one can easily get access to be there. Not without his authorization.
Sejin was proven wrong. And he regrets his decision that night.
5 HOURS earlier...
Yoongi smashed his keyboard to the table when he can't get it right with his melody. He screamed in frustration, pulling his hair ignoring the numbness over the skin before he gets up from the chair - pacing back and forth anxiously.
After the argument with Namjoon, the rest went back home to the dorm except him. He opts to bury himself in his studio, composing more songs, editing his existing song but nothing seems right for him now.
He's not in his sane mind, absolutely upset by the fight he had with Namjoon. He stares at his hand, the one which had slapped Namjoon through his blurry eyes. And he feels his heart crushed at the coldness of his palm. The sound when his hand landed on Namjoon mercilessly reverberated on his ears. It's so disturbing that Yoongi can't hear anything except for the dreadful sound.
His hand is shaking, and he instantly fisted it into a tight ball. Yoongi groaned, blaming his grumpy and short-tempered attitude that had turn the situation into worst. He has no intention to hit Namjoon, but he just lost his patient when Namjoon acted like a maniac trying to blame Sukhoon for something, not even his fault.
Namjoon's behavior is peculiar and was uncalled for. Why he hates Sukhoon? What had Sukhoon done to him? Sukhoon seems fine to him. There's nothing wrong with the said male. In fact, after Sukhoon becomes Sejin's assistant, he's been helping the manager with his workloads.
Whenever Sejin needs to attend something urgent not involving BTS, Sukhoon will take his role and swiftly managed the boys with their hectic schedules. Yoongi can see how hardworking the male and how friendly he's with everyone. All the staff and the boys themselves feel comfortable to be around Sukhoon. He is kind and pleasant. Yoongi couldn't find anything wrong or strange about him.
There's no valid reason for Namjoon to hate Sukhoon. In fact, Namjoon never had any resentment towards anyone, not even to some of the fans who had been hating him all these whiles. Namjoon always took the negatives comment in a positive way and works harder to prove his worth and talent.
The situation had left Yoongi totally baffled. Namjoon not only dislikes the male but also had the gut to accuse Sukhoon of trying to poison him. That's ridiculous and Sukhoon had proved his innocence.
Yoongi yanked his hair in frustration, screaming his anger as he feels stuck with everything. The song. Namjoon. Sukhoon. Everything makes his head throbbed.
Yoongi's body jerked when someone rings the bell to his lab genius. He was about to ignore whosoever behind the closed door but perked up when he heard Pdogg's voice.
Yoongi hastily opened the door and let the producer inside his precious studio. Pdogg gives him a warm-hearted smile and Yoongi feebly responds because he's still bitter about his rejected song.
"Sunbae, is there anything important for you to come here?" asked Yoongi, couldn't hide his curiosity at the impromptu visit. It's rare for the producer to drop by to his studio or Namjoon's. Most of the time they will discuss at the company's studio with other producers about their songs.
Pdogg sends him another smile. "Well, nothing much though. Just pass by and decided to come and say hi..."
Yoongi nods his head. He glanced at the producer and Yoongi had the urge to ask about the rejection. "Err, about my song -"
"Ah, I've discussed it with Namjoon..."
Yoongi huffed at the mention of the leader. "Yeah, I know. I had spoken to Namjoon and I want to ed -"
"He's really looked high on you, Yoongi..."
Yoongi was taken aback at the remarks. "Wha - what do you mean?"
"Well, when I said your song needs some editing because I think there's something off on the tune, Namjoon had explained to me that you've been experimenting with new instruments and notes. It might sound weird at first but after a few times listening to it, I agree with Namjoon. The song is good as it is and needs nothing to be changed..." explained Ppdogg.
Yoongi lips parted in aw shuck, staring at Ppdogg incredulously. His mind trying to process every word uttered by the producer, but nothing makes sense to him.
"What?" that's the only thing that Yoongi managed to say now. Obviously stupefied with this new information.
Pdogg frets at the reaction before he chuckles looking at Yoongi's confused face. "I mean everyone agreed to keep the original tune of the song..." he ratified further.
Yoongi's breath hitched in horridness thinking what he has done to Namjoon today. All the harsh words and the fights he had with the younger is coming back one by one - taunting him mercilessly.
Even after Pdogg had left the studio, Yoongi was still standing at the same place. He froze for almost ten minutes before everything hits him like a bullet.
Yoongi eyes widen in horror and stares at both of his hands again. His eyes were red, and his hand is shaking vigorously. "Oh God!" he whispered erratically, finding hard to even thinking straight right now. Not when he finally grasped his mistake. A terrible mistake. An image of Namjoon, looking at him with a hurt face- Yoongi is ridden by guilt.
Furthermore, Yoongi never imagines that he needs to face another truth in the morning when he realized that he'll never have the opportunity to say 'sorry' to Namjoon. It never comes and Yoongi is devastated.
4 HOURS earlier...
Namjoon whined on the pillow when he heard someone knocked on the door of his hotel room. His head hurts and he feels a little bit lethargic. But the knocking won't stop and Namjoon forced his body to get up.
He was about to curse to Sejin for disturbing his sleep before his eyes widen when his eyes fixed on the figure, standing in front of him with a smirk.
"What - what are you doing here?" Namjoon queried. He didn't expect the male to come here or even know where he is staying. He thought Sejin didn't tell anyone about this.
Sukhoon ignored the question and walked into the room uninvited. Namjoon scowled at the attitude but makes no effort to move from the front door.
"It's 4 a.m. in the morning and I don't have a fucking time to deal with your bullshit! So please leave!" told Namjoon in irritation. He had enough of the said male, thus he won't entertain whatsoever game Sukhoon is playing right now.
Sukhoon snickers at the boldness. "Aww, Namjoonie. You had become so fierce..." he mocked with an amused tone. Then his eyes turn to a sharp blade in a second. "And it's not good for you, Namjoonie..." he continues to speak with a displeased tone to the male.
Namjoon scoff at the statement. "I don't care! What will you do - " Namjoon didn't have the chance to finish his sentence when someone had shoved him from the back. Namjoon yelped and tumbling on the floor. He turned to see the culprit and was shocked to see a man with a face mask. Seungwoon!
"What are you -"
Namjoon shrieked in pain when Sukhoon suddenly yanked his hair, forcing his head to be winged in an awkward position as Sukhoon stands beside him.
"We had enough of you Namjoon. As much as I want to enjoy myself to see you and your friends become enemy, but I cannot wait any longer..."
Namjoon contorted when Sukhoon tightens his grip over his hair. "Why are doing this to me??"
Sukhoon let out a whimsical laugh, feeling funny at the question. He crouched down but still doesn't let go of his hand on Namjoon's hair. When Namjoon makes a face, contort in pain, a satisfactory feeling lingered in his heart at the accomplishment. It's always fun for him to see Namjoon in pain. A sort of victory and Sukhoon intended to inflict more for his own pleasure.
"You'll know. But before that -" Sukhoon paused for a second, tilting his head towards Seungwoon in front of him. He gestures at the male, not being discrete that he is plotting something with Seungwoon.
Namjoon tensed witnessing the silent interaction between the two and his heart is thumping briskly. Namjoon eyes widen in horror when Seungwoon took out something from his pocket. A white cloth and he poured something on to it. Namjoon instantly terrified and began to struggle in order to stay away from whatever Seungwoon is trying to do to him.
Sukhoon hissed at the scuffle, let go of his hand over Namjoon's hair and clutched on Namjoon's shoulder to stop him from moving.
"Let - let me go! What - what are you trying to do??" Namjoon barked in panic.
Sukhoon gritted his teeth in anger. "Stop moving you bitch!" Sukhoon wrapped his arm around Namjoon's shoulder, asking Seungwoon to move faster before he can no longer hold the male.
Namjoon put a fight and Sukhoon is striving hard to control the male - when Namjoon shuffles his hand and legs wildly. Seungwoon quickly approached the two and when he wants to put the cloth on Namjoon's face, Namjoon used one of his legs to kick Seungwoon on his abdomen. Seungwoon falls on his back, clutching his clothed stomach in absolute pain.
"Damn it! You're so fucking useless!" Sukhoon sneered at Seungwoon's failed attempt.
Namjoon then bites Sukhoon's arm, making the male scream out loud at his beastly action. Namjoon crawled away from Sukhoon and instantly stand up to get out of the room.
"You can't run from me Namjoon!"
Namjoon's heart skipped a bit at the yelling but didn't stop himself from running to the door. He was about to touch the handle of it when there's a shooting pain on his head. Namjoon froze and his head throbbed at the immense pain. Namjoon touched at the side of his head when he feels there's something sticky on his hair, and his eyes broaden at the crimson red color staining his hand.
Blood?
Namjoon slowly turned his back and he can see how Sukhoon is grinning at him and there's a glass ashtray on his left hand where his blood had smeared a part of it. Shit! The dizziness took over his body and he falls on the floor with a loud thud, losing all his consciousness at once.
"Fuck! It looks so easy in the movie!" grunts Seungwoon as he walked to Sukhoon.
Sukhoon chided at the male. "Take him. We have a lot to do right now..."
"Okay, hyung!" Seungwoon makes a face when he saw the blood on the side of Namjoon's head. It doesn't look serious but still managed to knock out the male. A few droplets of blood were on the floor and Sukhoon had instructed him to leave it there purposely. Seungwoon confused at first but has no intention to question anything.
"Let's the party begin..." said Sukhoon with a profound smile. Eyes glints with wickedness as he and Seungwoon left the hotel together with Namjoon's body - well hidden from everyone.
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Notes:
It's a fast update since I'll be busy (again) starting next week with a few upcoming court trials.
I hope this is enough to make you anxious for the next chapter 😏
Chapter 41: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔
Chapter Text
That night...
“Where are we going?”
Seungwoon sneaks a look at Sukhoon that seems so focus on maneuvering the car as they were heading to somewhere – unknown to Seungwoon. In fact, most of Sukhoon’s plan is ambiguous to him. Sukhoon is a man of few words and just talked to him wherever he wanted to ask him to do something. It’s frustrating but Seungwoon knows he needs to follow his instruction for the plan to succeed.
Seungwoon peeped on the backseat of the car, where Namjoon’s motionless body lying like he is out of the world already. Both of his hands were strapped with strings and Sukhoon had covered his mouth with a thick black tape – afraid he will scream for help in case he had gained his consciousness in the course of their journey.
It’s a nerve-wracking situation when they wanted to move the body from the hotel. Seungwoon glad that Sukhoon had been really particular with their plan. He even managed to get one of the house cleaning staff to help them. They just hide Namjoon’s body in the cart and secretly wheeled him out to the back door of the hotel.
It’s so easy-peasy!
Seungwoon didn’t know how much Sukhoon had paid the girl but she had been really co-operative with Sukhoon. Sukhoon did mention to the girl to just quit the job and run from the place – somewhere where the police couldn’t find her.
“I had arranged everything…” Sukhoon said casually. His eyes still on the road.
Seungwoon chided at the answer. “Can’t you just tell me what is your real plan? I need to know about it too. You dragged me into this but left me in ignorance…” complaint Seungwoon.
Sukhoon groaned in exasperation at the statement, giving Seungwoon a sharp glare through his peripheral vision. “I’ll let you know once we arrived at the place. Just shut up and let me drive!” he scoffed in anger.
Seungwoon squinted his eyes at the male with absolute displeasure. “This is not fair, hyung! You said we’re going to do this together. But you’re being so secretive!!” Seungwoon let out another whinge, face contort with frustration at Sukhoon’s discrete attitude.
Sukhoon hits the steering and cursed in anger. “Damn it! This is not the time for us to have a fight!”
Seungwoon rolled his eyes. “I thought you said to me this is our revenge. We’re doing this because we want justice for – ”
“Shut up, Seung –” Sukhoon halted abruptly and turned his head in a hurry at the back to see if Namjoon is listening to their conversation. He breathed out in relief when Namjoon still in a deep sleep. He then swerved the car to the side of the road and stopped the vehicle brutally.
Seungwoon’s body jerked forward, almost hit his face on the dashboard. Thanks to the seatbelt he is wearing – it saves his life! Always wear your seatbelts folk!
“What the –”
Sukhoon unfastens his safety belt hurriedly and he lurched forward where he snatched Seungwoon’s collar. The later male was appalled at the sudden aggression, looking at Sukhoon with widening eyes – terrified at the sudden change of attitude.
“You have no right to question me right now, kid! I’ve been planning this for years and I won’t let someone like you ruin my hard works. If you really wanted to get your revenge so you better listen to me. Get hold of yourself and let me do my job here. Understood?”
Seungwoon gulped at the word of warning. He blinks his eyes as his heart is beating fast. Sukhoon is acting creepy and Seungwoon didn’t want to agitate the said male any longer. Slowly he nods his head in agreement and exhaled breathily when Sukhoon let go of his crumpled shirt.
Without saying any words further, Sukhoon drove the car while Seungwoon stays still on the passenger’s seat. Too scared to talk. Until the car entered a secluded area of downtown Seoul, Seungwoon’s heart skipped a bit when he realized that there’s no one around the area – except the bunches of trees surrounded by darkness. They were in a deep forest where the probability to run is almost possible.
Seungwoon comes to his senses right away. Sukhoon had arranged everything since the beginning. It’s scared him a little bit thinking how far did Sukhoon will go just to have his vengeance against Namjoon. Seungwoon instantly has goosebumps.
That day…
It was unruly that morning. Yoongi wakes up with a heavy burden in his heart meanwhile the rest of his bandmates in a glum mood – giving him a vicious glance to show their anger towards the rapper for his action yesterday. Yoongi takes all the blame wholeheartedly and he is ready to apologize to Namjoon today.
“Sejin texted me saying Namjoon’s staying at the hotel near the company. He doesn’t look good and eventually slipped into little space last night…” told Seokjin as he munched his breakfast, cereal with milk.
Everyone is having the same since he’s too lazy to cook. Thanks to Yoongi for spoiling his mood all night for locking himself in the studio. Seokjin noticed that Yoongi just came home at seven this morning. That bastard!
Yoongi gulped at the nags, knowing it’s been aiming directly to him. Seokjin never dithered to voice out his opinion about the incident and he’s visibly mad at Yoongi.
“Poor Joonie. He must be scared last night sleeping alone by himself. And he has no Ryan with him too!” whines Hoseok as he glared at Yoongi.
“I think you are a little bit too much yesterday, Yoongi…”
Yoongi perked at the statement, changing gazes with Seokjin who had been sitting in front of him. Yoongi chews his lips, ready to acknowledge his mistakes. “Jin-hyung, I – ”
“I can understand if you’re mad for whatever he had done but violence is not the answer, Yoongi. You had crossed the limit and we couldn’t agree with your way in dealing with the problem…” said Seokjin with a grim tone of voice.
It’s an unequivocal silence at the table as no one ever dares to say anything. They were having their breakfast anxiously while attending to the conversation. It’s sounded serious and they had never seen Seokjin like this before. He is so intimidating and for the first time, Yoongi looks like a scared puppy.
“I had a talk with Sejin last night and he will be here any minute to talk to all of us…” informed Seokjin further.
Yoongi lifted his head up. “Nam – Namjoon too?” he asked timidly.
Seokjin huffed and shook his head. “Sejin left him in the hotel last night and he wanted Namjoon to have a good rest. He will talk to us first and we’ll meet Namjoon at the company…”
As much as Seokjin wants Namjoon to be here but he does understand Sejin’s decision. Namjoon needs to have a break after the confrontation last night. He looks so devastated and exhausted. Seokjin’s heart squeezed at the image flickered in his eyes. It is heartbreaking that he can’t be with the little when he needs comfort from his caregivers.
“I – I know that I had done something horrible yesterday…” admits Yoongi finally, head dangled down in shame and guilt.
Everyone is a little bit surprised at the confession as they never thought the rapper will admit his mistake so soon. But at least it’s a good indication and whatever dispute between him and Namjoon can be resolved now. It is a relief for everyone.
“Still, I refuse to accept his attitude towards Sukhoon,” continue Yoongi firmly and his words make everyone shell shocked.
What a plot twist!
Seokjin squinted his eyes towards the rapper, hating at his suggestion. “Whatever it is, Namjoon did not deserve to be treated that way, Min Yoongi. He is our leader, our friends. We listened to each of us before we decide on something. We trust our team more than we trust in ourselves. We have been dealing with all the bullshit together, but we never abandon our team. Not when someone who just came into our life and stir problem among us!”
Yoongi grinds his teeth, could not reach an agreement with the eldest. “But he has no right to accuse someone like that!”
“Don’t you think that Sukhoon is a little bit suspicious?”
Yoongi turned his head towards Hoseok. “What do you mean?”
“Previously he had caused some problem between me, Tae and Joon-hyung. He provokes us over something trivial and fallacious, making us go against Namjoon-hyung. Then it’s happened to Jimin too. I don’t think it’s just a coincidence. Sukhoon is acting really weird and Namjoon-hyung always looks jittery around him...” states Jungkook.
Everyone is frowning at the piece of information as they tried to process it entirely. Their stupor was interrupted by the shrill of the ringing phone. Seokjin’s brows knitted together when he saw the name of their manager on the screen.
“Hyung? What is it? Are you coming?” he asked quickly after he slides the green icon.
The rest stares at Seokjin when he just keeps silent did not say a word while his grip on his phone tightens. They notice the changes in his expression. It takes only two minutes before he ended the call. Seokjin looks in distress after talking to Sejin, making everyone worry.
“Hyung? What did Sejin-hyung say to you? Is he coming? Or do we need to go to the office?” Jimin asked impatiently.
Seokjin flickered over his members and he could not control his tears as it rolled down to his protruding cheeks. Everyone gasped at the sudden turn of event and marched forward towards the eldest man – circling him in concern.
“Hyung, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” questioned Jungkook.
Seokjin lips trembled and he takes a juddering breath. His glassy eyes stare at every member as he gives the bad news.
“Nam - Namjoon is missing...”
“What??!!”
Yoongi stares at the trail of blood on the floor with a pulsating heartbeat. His thin legs give out and he falls on the floor – still staring at the dried blood. He couldn’t believe what had Sejin told them. Namjoon was missing and there’s evidence that someone had taken him.
Someone had kidnapped Namjoon!
Sejin had called the police for a safety reason. They were checking the footage in the security office and the rest were anxiously waiting for the officer to give them any news about Namjoon. Yoongi thinks it’s too early to call the police since it’s not up to twenty-four hours yet. But Sejin convinced him that Namjoon is an idol, the leader of BTS; they shouldn’t wait any longer. A sasaeng might be behind all this.
Everyone still flabbergasted and been sitting on the couch anxiously. Even when Sejin had told them about Sukhoon and his evil deeds, they still couldn’t fathom the whole thing. It’s like a ton of bricks had hit their head and they just feel numb.
Yoongi leaned on the wall, still sitting on the cold floor with an empty eye. Sukhoon had been torturing Namjoon all these whiles and none of them realized it? Sukhoon had been planting hates among them but none of them ever notice it? Are they blind and stupid? How could they have missed out on such a thing?
“That’s – that’s why he doesn’t look comfortable whenever Sukhoon is around…”
Yoongi’s has his attention on Jimin who had been spilling the words. The younger’s face is red, and his eyes still wet with tears. He had a mini-breakdown when they arrived at the hotel. The blood on the floor freaked them out, especially Jimin.
“He always made mistakes in the dance rehearsal whenever Sukhoon was there in the studio with us. He looks anxious and keeps his distance from the man…” continue Jimin with a disturbed voice. Taehyung wrapped his arm around the smaller male when his body starts to shake again.
“Remember when we overheard the conversation? When Sukhoon said that Namjoon was tired being our translator? Namjoon never said anything and it was Sukhoon do all the talking. He knows we were there, but he never stops provoking Namjoon until we had misunderstood Namjoon. He had done it purposely so that we hate Namjoon…” adds Taehyung while he glanced at Jungkook.
Jungkook nods his head as an affirmation to the story. He fisted his hand into a tight ball, anger started to boil as he remembers the scene clearly. How Namjoon try to deny everything and they never wanted to listen. How stupid they were for believing Sukhoon that day. Jungkook feels guilty for hurting Namjoon’s feelings. He feels guilty for having such doubt against his hyung.
“That jerk!” Jungkook screamed in frustration, punching the couch out of anger.
“Are you – are you sure it is him, Sejin-hyung?” asked Yoongi hesitantly, making the rest of BTS snapped their head towards the oldest rapper.
“What the fuck, hyung? Do you think Namjoon hyung just disappeared like that? Do you think that’s not fucking blood? And you believe Sukhoon more than our Namjoon??” shouted Jungkook angrily.
Yoongi immediately shook his head, denying the allegation. “No! it’s not like that Jungkook. I just want to make sure it is the truth before we started accusing an innocent man! It can be a sasaeng…” he tried to clarify his analysis.
He is still in a state of denial. As much as he wanted to believe with everyone’s theories that Sukhoon is behind all these, but he also wants to have a second opinion to deduce that someone else might be involved in this case.
Seokjin clicked his tongue, evidently disbelief with Yoongi’s way of thinking. “We are not accusing anyone, Yoongi. Sejin said Sukhoon is the main suspect since he has been really an asshole towards Namjoon before this. And for God's sake Yoongi, can’t you see how he had been manipulating everyone here to hate Namjoon?”
“Are you still mad about yesterday, hyung?”
Yoongi cocked his head towards Jungkook, who’s been gawking at him with uptight expression. The youngest clearly dissatisfied with his thought right now. Yoongi can see how his jawline clenched and his hand fisted so hard that it turns to white. Jungkook has always been protective of Namjoon.
“I’m not saying that –”
“You sounded like that to me!” cuts Jungkook. He takes a step forward trying to get to his hyung before Seokjin holds his arms – preventing him from doing a useless thing at the crucial moment.
“Stop both of you. We had something more important to deal with. Namjoon is missing and this is not the time to argue who is right and who is wrong!” scolded Seokjin. He dagger-glared at the two males and breathed out roughly: frustrated and anxious mixed into one.
Taehyung dragged Jungkook’s arm to sit beside him forcefully. Jungkook huffed in annoyance but he agreed with Seokjin. Namjoon is their priority right now. Fighting with each other won’t help in finding the leader.
Their distress moment was interrupted when two officers came into the room with a serious face. Everyone’s heart thumping inside their ribcage when the officers approached them slowly.
“Hello, I’m Inspector Khoo and this is my assistant Detective Han. We both had been assigned to investigate this case…” Inspector Khoo introduced himself to the boys and Sejin.
“Have you found something, Inspector?” asked Seokjin impatiently. He and the rest had been waiting for the officers to give them some piece of information about Namjoon and it’s killing them on each second.
Inspector Khoo then gestures to everyone to have a seat before he took out his phone and put it on the coffee table. When he touched on the play, a video, a CCTV footage was playing on the screen.
“This is footage before Namjoon went missing. There are two men who came to his room and from my observation, Namjoon knows these two men…” Inspector Khoo explained while the others were focusing on the video. “Do any of you recognized the two?” he continues to ask without any delay.
Sejin frowned before he gasped. “It’s Sukhoon!” he pointed at the image of the assistant manager, standing in front of Namjoon’s door before he entered the room.
“That’s asshole! I’ve told you it’s him!” gushed Jungkook in anger while he sneaks a quick look on Yoongi.
Yoongi gulped, watching the video in silence. He couldn’t utter any word, still shocked at the revelation. Sukhoon is not someone whom he ever thought was.
“He’s a fucking snake!” said Jimin with animosity.
“Who is this Sukhoon?” asked Inspector Khoo for a confirmation.
Sejin sighed. “He’s my assistant. BigHit hired him last year to help me managing BTS. Actually, Namjoon had told me before that the male has been harassing him, verbally and physically…” answered Sejin truthfully.
Inspector Khoo frowned. “Harassed? And none of you here try to make a police report about that?” he queried, quite shocked to know such things happen with no action taken by anyone.
Sejin shook his head. “We didn’t know about it until recently. Namjoon had come to me and tell me about Sukhoon. I think it’s become too much for Namjoon to handle. Sukhoon had been threatened him not to tell anyone. If not, he will hurt him or any of BTS members…”
Inspector Khoo sighed at the information. “Do you know why Sukhoon did that too Namjoon? Have Namjoon told you anything?”
Sejin shook his head again and the rest have the same answer as Sejin. Inspector Khoo glanced at his assistant, standing behind the couch – having the same looks on his face with Inspector Khoo.
This isn’t going to be easy for them. With no clue, their investigation will be like searching in the dark. And it doesn’t help the situation. They were afraid that the culprit will do something to Namjoon if they were unable to locate him as soon as possible.
“Wait, who is the second man?”
Everyone’s attention moves to the video at Hoseok’s question.
“Seungwoon?” Sejin mumbles with confusion since he never saw the said male, except Namjoon’s story.
“Why is he wearing a mask? Who is that?” Hoseok continues to query the presence of the unknown male.
“What the – ” Everyone was surprised when the said male obviously pushed Namjoon before he entered the room and slammed the door. They watched attentively the video until a housekeeping lady came and knocked on the door. Later, someone opened the door and the said lady entered the room with her cart.
And fifteen minutes later, Sukhoon, Seungwoon and the housekeeping lady get out of the room heading towards the elevator. There’s no sign of Namjoon but it is evidently shown that they had snuck out Namjoon’s body in the cart.
“Did you know the second man?” asked Inspector Khoo further.
Every member of BTS shakes their head, denying that they ever see the said male.
“We never saw him anywhere. He’s not one of our staff. And – and he’s wearing a mask so we can’t see his face properly…” said Seokjin. He then averted his eyes towards Sejin, asking for clarification from the manager.
“I think the second guy is Seungwoon…” he states.
Everyone now stares at Sejin.
“Seungwoon? Who’s Seungwoon, hyung?” asked Jimin on behalf of the others.
Sejin shrugged. “I don’t know him either. I never met him before. When Namjoon told me about him, I run into the company’s database and we didn’t have any staff with that name. And – ” he halted for a second, eyes on BTS members as he is anxious to deliver the news.
“And what hyung?” Jungkook asked.
“He’s the one that pushed Namjoon over the stairs…” Sejin said with exasperation.
Everyone’s eyes widen in horror. “What?” they said almost in unison.
“I just know about this last night when Namjoon told me about Seungwoon. He never said anything about that guy until I persuade him to tell me everything. He – he’s trying to protect this Seungwoon…” explained Sejin.
“Protect? Why?” Yoongi voiced out his confusion after being silent for a while. He had been thinking about Seungwoon and he didn’t feel good. There’s something odd. Yoongi is trying to recall something but his mind was blank, and he couldn’t think properly.
“Did he told you the reason why he is protecting this Seungwoon?” questioned Inspector Khoo as he is utterly confused as the others too. He couldn’t find any connection between the story.
Sejin takes a shuddering breath before he speaks. “Namjoon said Seungwoon is his best friend before he becomes a trainee in our company. Seungwoon kind of angry at him when he decides to be an idol. They were together in the underground scene before Namjoon signed with BigHit…”
Yoongi frets at the statement. “Wait for a second, hyung. Are you talking about Song Seungwoon? Namjoon’s friend from his hometown?” Yoongi asked incredulously.
Sejin raised his brows when he heard Yoongi’s question as if the said male is familiar with the name. “I think so. That’s what Namjoon told me. Seungwoon is his friend but he had never seen him for almost six years already…”
Yoongi abruptly shot up from the couch, staring at Sejin in bewilderment. “It – it can’t be hyung!” he said with a shaken voice.
“What’s wrong Yoongi-ah?” Seokjin asked with concern as he can sense there’s something wrong from Yoongi’s tone.
“What do you mean, Yoongi?” asked Sejin for confirmation. Still didn’t get what is the said male trying to indicate through his denial.
“It – it can’t be Seungwoon hyung. That’s not Seungwoon. It’s impossible...” Yoongi mumbles as his body continue to tremble in fear. His already natural pale face had become whiter like he’s going to faint any soon.
“What is it Yoongi? You’re scaring us…” gushed Seokjin as his heartbeat escalated rapidly.
Yoongi takes a deep breath, shaking his head as he uttered the most shocking fact to everyone in the room.
“It can’t be him. Seungwoon – Seungwoon died in a car accident six years ago…”
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Notes:
Well did you expect it?
I've been wanting to make this revelation since the day I started writing the story 🤭
It's a relief that finally it is here.
Keeps reading. More revelation is coming 😉
Chapter 42: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙊𝙉𝙀
Notes:
𝑫𝒊𝒗𝒖𝒍𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 /dɪˈvʌldʒ(ə)ns/
noun: the action of revealing private or sensitive information.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
14th November 2013
Melon Music Award.
BTS had performed No More Dream, Attack on Bangtan and Nice to Meet You. They were ecstatic to perform in front of the crowd since their debut showcase in June of the same year. Despite being mocked and ridiculed because of their bold image and from where they had come by the media and the netizen, they never give up on their dream.
"Why not just name the members 'bulletproof helmet' and 'bulletproof vest'?"
"RAP MONSTER hahahahahahaha"
"I know nothing, but Big Bang is way too high, kids"
They’ve come across such hurtful comments about BTS after debuted. It’s really tough to make a debut when you’re nothing visual but talent. The fact that they came from a small entertainment company, BigHit, no one had the confidence that they’ll be as successful as Bing Bang.
And Namjoon used to say, "Even though people say it's hard for rookies to survive these days, we will survive no matter what and become a singer that's beloved by the general public."
It’s sounded like more to self-assurance, trying to buy their soul and mind from being hurts by those nasty comments. But Namjoon, as the leader of BTS, had led the team into the peak of success. It takes years for them to gain the trust of the Army and the public of their talent and music. All the hurdles have been paid off. They are now at the top of the world. The most popular kpop Idol with tons of achievement and awards. They never expected that the dream will become a reality. In fact, it’s still felt like a dream to them.
After the debut, Namjoon feels a little bit burden by all the negatives comments they had combatted. As the leader, he shouldn’t have shown his weaknesses to the rest of the members. But there was some time he queried himself. He keeps doubting himself whether it’s worth keeping on going when no one appreciates their talent and music?
Namjoon tried his very best to show to those people his capability and how he will lead the BTS towards the victory road. It’s hard. It was never easy for him and for the rest too. Everyone is struggling and everyone had their up and down. There was time they were disappointed and wanted to give up. There was a time when they feel energetic and spirited about their music. It’s going around in a circle. But Namjoon had asked them not to give up, not until they showed to everyone their worth.
Their taste of success started at the Melon Music Award 2013.
Namjoon send the invitation to Seungwoon and Hakyon via text message. Later, he sends two passes for them to attend the Melon Music Award. Namjoon wanted them to watch his performance on the stage. He wanted his best friends to be there as his supporters. Namjoon was thrilled to show how much he had established as an idol. Namjoon wanted to celebrate the show with his best friends.
“Are they coming, Joon?”
Namjoon turned his head towards Yoongi and he smiled at the elder. Yoongi approached the younger as the stylist applied the make-up on to his face.
“I don’t know hyung. But Hakyon said he will drag Seungwoon with him today…” Namjoon sheepishly answered.
Yoongi smiled looking at how Namjoon is enthusiast to meet with his friends. “They’ll come, Joon. Don’t worry too much…”
“Yeah, I hope so. I haven’t seen them for almost a year. I only talked to Hakyon through the text messages and Seungwoon…” Namjoon frowned in disappointment thinking how much he and Seungwoon had drifted apart after he had become the trainee at BigHit.
“He just needs some time to adjust with everything, Joon…”
Namjoon nods indecisively. He then sighed in desperation. “I hope Seungwoon will come… I kinda miss him…”
Yoongi put his hand over Namjoon’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. “He will…” assured Yoongi. He stares at Namjoon’s sullen face as he continues to talk about his two friends.
Yoongi might not know Seungwoon and Hakyon personally but he always heard about the two since he stays with Namjoon as the trainees. Namjoon really cherished their friendship a lot and how he had keeps gushing about their underground scene together.
Namjoon had shown him the picture of his best friends to him. A picture that tells their genuine friendship. The three of them, smiling gleefully after they won a rap battle. They look so happy together and Yoongi can see the strong bond between them.
“Hyung!!”
Namjoon’s jovial voice had cut through his short stupor and he stares at the said male. “What is it Joon? I’m here and no need to shout like that…”
Namjoon grinned but quickly shows his phone to Yoongi. Yoongi squinted his eyes to read over the small text message on the screen.
“Hakyon said he and Seungwoon are on the way!” Namjoon chirpily tells his hyung. He almost jumps out from the chair before the stylist glared at him since she hasn’t done yet with the make-up.
Namjoon couldn’t contain his excitement knowing that his two best friends are coming to their first award show. He can’t wait to see both of them. There’s a lot of things he wanted to tell them, lots of stories that he wanted to share with Hakyon and Seungwoon. Namjoon is so eager that he will able to meet with Hakyon and Seungwoon again.
That night, BTS had won Best Rookie Award. No one expected that BTS will receive such an important award. The most precious award for a new artist likes them. An award to show that their music and talent has been acknowledged by the entertainment industry. An award that becomes the steppingstone to their numerous awards ahead. BTS becomes unstoppable afterward.
The same night where Namjoon had received the bad news. Seungwoon and Hakyon had involved in an accident. Their car has been crashed by a drunken driver. It was a terrible catastrophe that both vehicles exploded due to the collision.
Namjoon was celebrating their first win with the rest in the dressing room when someone had called him. A complete stranger that by the chance presence on the scene. He saw Namjoon’s missed call on Hakyon’s phone and decided to dial the number. Namjoon gets out of the room to answer the call due to the nuisance made by his members.
Namjoon pressed the phone to his ears. “Yoonie-ah, why did you leave? I thought we’re going to meet after the show. I had asked the staff to escort both of you to – “
“Emm sorry, I’m not the owner of this phone…”
Namjoon frowned at the unfamiliar voice. “Who is this? Where’s Hakyon? Why did you have his phone?” he asked with an accusatory tone. A little bit skeptical that Hakyon might be lost his phone and a stranger found it or worst of all – stolen it. But then why the said man made the call from Hakyon’s phone if he took it illegally?
“I’m sorry to inform you that the owner of this phone had involved in an accident…”
Namjoon eyes widen in horror at the shocking news. His legs give out and he falls on the floor. Lucky that he is in the bathroom where no one can see him. Namjoon’s grips on his phone tighten and he is heaving, trying to control his breath before he can speak.
“Wha – what do you mean? Where – where is he now? Is he okay? And – and Seungwoon? What about him?”
“Sorry I know nothing about them. They have been taken to the nearby hospital… I think it’s the Seoul Hospital…”
Namjoon stares blankly at his phone when the call ended. He didn’t know how to respond at the moment as he feels everything was like a dream. Nothing’s feel real right now. Namjoon whole body becomes numb and he leaned on the wall.
“Namjoon!”
Namjoon lifted his head and glance at Yoongi. His tears instantly rolled down to his face at the presence of Yoongi. Yoongi was shocked to see Namjoon’s state, immediately run towards him. He stares at his pasty-faced, asking him what’s going on but there’s no answer from the younger. Namjoon’s body trembled as his vision was clouded with tears.
Yoongi crouched down in front of Namjoon, placing his hands on the shoulder – shaking the body lightly. “Joon-ah tell me. What’s wrong!” he continues to urge the said male.
Namjoon shuddered and exhaled a deep breath as his lips trembled when his eyes fixated on Yoongi’s concerned face. “Seung – Seungwoon, Hak – Hakyon… they – they…” Namjoon at a word’s loss, stammering in his speech as he tried to tell Yoongi the reason for his crying.
“Slow down Joon. Take a deep breath and tell me slowly what’s happened…”
A sob slipped through Namjoon’s parted lips. “Acc – accident… hospital… and – and…”
There’s no need for further explanation from the younger as Yoongi managed to catch on the gist of the speech. Yoongi acted as calm as he can at the moment. He grabbed on Namjoon’s body and hoisted him up, helping him to stand properly before he is confident that the younger is fine. He then dragged Namjoon out from the bathroom.
Namjoon was flustered at Yoongi’s action, couldn’t say anything to protest or to ask where’s he is going to. It was a few minutes later he realized that both of them were in a taxi and Yoongi has been asking him which hospital before Namjoon mumbles in confusion – Seoul Hospital.
“The others – did they – and Sejin-hyung? No one knows – is it okay to –” Namjoon incoherently mumbles through his sniffles as he peeked a glance at Yoongi beside him. They were in a rush and didn’t have the time to inform the rest of their bandmates about their whereabout. They might be looking for him and Yoongi when they realized the two were missing.
Yoongi shook his head. “Let’s worry about it later. For now, we need to go to the hospital. I’ll explain to Sejin-hyung and the boys after this. Don’t think too much about that and just focus on Seungwoon and Hakyon…” answered Yoongi.
Namjoon continues to weep at the thought of his best friends. Feeling scared to even imagine what had happened to them in the horrendous accident. The stranger didn’t go into details when he had informed about the incident. He just said the two are in the hospital and their car blasted in a fire. That’s enough to make his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.
Yoongi gnawed his lips in agony when he saw how shaken Namjoon is. He slowly took Namjoon’s hand and hold the cold hand as if he’s trying to give Namjoon all the strength and power he might need right now.
The hospital smells of disinfection detergent and nothing in the large building can make Namjoon’s heart stop racing. They were running towards the emergency room and when they arrived, Namjoon can see Seungwoon and Hakyon’s family were already there. Their faces were gloomy and miserable.
Namjoon approached the two families, couldn’t utter any words to console them as his heart itself in anguish. Namjoon waited outside the emergency room, almost dozing off on Yoongi’s shoulder when he heard the step of the doctor coming out from the room. Everyone lurched forward, crowding the doctor – waiting for him to tell the fate of Hakyon and Seungwoon.
“One of the patients has suffered a third-degree burn almost forty-five percent of his lower body due to the explosion. Lucky that he only has the first-degree burn on his face and neck. We managed to stabilize his condition, but we still need to monitor him to avoid any infection. We will transfer him to the burn center shortly…” the doctor explained the prognosis of his patient to the family carefully and in a simple word for them to understand.
Namjoon listens with uncertainty as he didn’t know which one the doctor is referring to just now. Is it Hakyon? Or is it Seungwoon?
“Doctor, which – which patient are you talking about?” asked Hakyon’s mother as everyone is wondering the same thing at the moment.
The doctor let out a silent ‘ah’ realizing his mistake just now. “My apology. It’s Shin Hakyon…” he further clarified.
Hakyon’s mother sighed in relief to know that his son is still alive even though he is still in a critical condition. Anything is fine as long as Hakyon is still breathing.
“What – what about my son?” Seungwoon’s father posed with a concerned voice.
The doctor’s eyes dim at the question as he stares at the family in agony. He bites his lips and takes a deep breath before he delivered the news. “I’m sorry. When we received the other patient, Song Seungwoon, he’s already died. I’m sorry and condolences to you for the loss…”
Namjoon was horrified when he heard the bad news, looking at the doctor speechless. There’s a loud buzzing sound on his ears, fusing together with the screaming and wailing of Seungwoon’s family. Namjoon couldn’t feel his feet, as if his body is falling from a high place. Namjoon flickered his eyes a few times when his vision turns to grey-out. His world tilted before the darkness takes over his consciousness.
Yoongi managed to catch Namjoon’s body before he slumped to the floor.
“We – we both attend the funeral…”
Everyone looked at Yoongi as he finished his story with a mixture of feelings. Shock. Confused. Troublesome.
“If this Seungwoon died six years ago, then who is this Seungwoon? Namjoon said himself that the male is his friend, Seungwoon… That’s absurd, Yoongi…” Sejin refuted.
Yoongi shook his head. “I – I don’t know hyung. But as far as I remember, after the incident Bang PD-nim gave him two weeks to stay with his family. I didn’t know what happens within that time but Namjoon came back like a fine man as if he had forgotten about the incident. It’s either he tried to forget the incident or he just – “
“I still remember when PDnim gives him the leave and we were complaining about it without knowing the reason behind it…” mumbled Jimin with a sad tone.
“But he seems fine to me after he came back. I don’t even notice that he is mourning over his dead friend at that time. Not for once I ever saw him being sad or crying…” said Jungkook.
“He acted like a normal Namjoon. Isn’t that suspicious if he just lost his best friend? Two weeks is a short time for you to forget about the death…” Hoseok gives his opinion.
Everyone is in silence as they try to sort out all the information they just had. Everyone is stupefied as they couldn’t understand what is happening. Who is this Seungwoon? If Seungwoon had died six years ago, who is the guy pretending to be one? And why Namjoon said he is Seungwoon when he already knows that Seungwoon had already died?
Namjoon wakes up in an unfamiliar place after hours of being knocked out. He winced when his head throbbed in dull pain. When he tried to touch his head, he noticed that both of his hands had been strapped up with a string. Namjoon shot up from the bed and stares at his legs where both were been tied too. Namjoon put a struggle to loosen up the rope over his legs as well as his hand. But it was a futile attempt.
Namjoon stops scuffling as his body feels the exhaustion doing something useless. He then looks around the small room, presuming that he is in a wooden cabin. He wondered where this place is. He can hear some birds sound outside the cabin and understood that he is somewhere far from the hotel or the dorm.
What’s going to happen to him now? Why Sukhoon kidnapped him? Why Seungwoon conspired with Sukhoon? What kind of revenge the two have of him? Lots of questions playing in his genius brain right now but none of it has the absolute answer.
Namjoon is tired of all the games by Sukhoon. He just wants to know the reason behind all this problem.
Namjoon’s body jerked when the door to his room been harshly slammed by someone. He squinted his eyes towards the tall male, now standing at the doorframe with a crossed arm. Seungwoon. Namjoon whispered the name. It’s indistinguishable to him that the guy is Seungwoon where he’s always worn a face mask.
“Hyung, he’s awake!” the guy shouted while his eyes still on Namjoon.
In a few seconds, Sukhoon appeared and smile devilishly when he saw Namjoon on the bed. He entered the room with a smug face, chuckling in amusement when Namjoon dagger-glared at him.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Namjoon asked with an ominous tone of voice.
Sukhoon snorted heartily. “Well, you still have the gut to question me here. Can’t you see in what situation are you right now?” he said sarcastically.
Namjoon rolled his eyes in irritation at the answer. “Why did you bring me here? Are you try to extort some money from BigHit? You know they can give you whatever amount you demand right?” he said with an accusatory tone.
Sukhoon chided and later let out another laugh. “They said you have 148 IQ. But I think that genius brain isn’t being effective at all, Namjoonie. You look like a clown right now…” he sneered.
“Then tell me the reason why are you doing this to me?? Tell me how much you want! I’ll give all my money to you!” Namjoon shouted in resentment.
Sukhoon stares at Namjoon with a piercing gaze. He gritted his teeth before he grabbed Namjoon’s hair and tugged it to the back. Namjoon yelped at his sudden act as his head twist to the back painfully.
“Don’t act almighty with me, Kim Namjoon. No money can pay for all the misery you have caused me!” he refutes furiously.
Namjoon grimaced at the numbness over the skin of his head. “Then – what do – what do you want from me?”
Sukhoon violently let go of his hand over Namjoon’s hair, making him stumble on the bed. Namjoon groaned at the act but at the same time feel relieved being freed from the soreness.
“I want you to suffer, Kim Namjoon. I want you to feel what I feel all these years. I want you to feel the same pain you had caused me…” Sukhoon answered with determination. His eyes glint with a dangerous glow and it makes Namjoon shiver in fear.
“What pain? What suffering? I don’t understand Sukhoon!” Namjoon retorts. Confusion and frustration had become one as he couldn’t comprehend the reason for Sukhoon’s revenge. It makes his head throbbed harder than before.
“Why don’t you tell him, kiddo?” Sukhoon said, gesturing at Seungwoon.
Namjoon cocked his head towards Seungwoon as the male approaching them slowly. “Seungwoon-ah…” he called his friend with a soft tone consist of yearning feeling that he really misses his friend so much.
Seungwoon stands behind Sukhoon and slowly dragged down his mask below his chin. He gawked at Namjoon with a complicated gaze.
“Look at him, Namjoon. Are you sure he is Seungwoon?”
Namjoon turned his head towards Sukhoon as the male expressed those words. His brows knitted in further confusion as he flickered his eyes on Seungwoon once again. He examines the physiognomy of the said male while Seungwoon didn’t move an inch.
“I – I don’t understand. He’s Seungwoon. Why are you – ”
“Look again Namjoon…” gushed Sukhoon.
Namjoon’s eyes lingered on Seungwoon’s eyes and trailed down to his nose, cheeks, and mouth. Namjoon didn’t know why Sukhoon is probing him whether he is sure about Seungwoon but Namjoon tried his best to look at Seungwoon to learn anything suspicious about the male.
When Namjoon examines the structure of Seungwoon’s face for the second time, his eyes halted on the lower part of his face – near his upper lip. Namjoon’s brow puckered when he notices the mole on top of Seungwoon’s lips. It’s quite big and can be seen from where he is now.
Namjoon’s breath hitched when he finally remembered that Seungwoon never had a mole on his lips. His eyes broaden as he continues to stare at Seungwoon. “You – you are not – not Seungwoon?” he asked metaphorically.
Seungwoon and Sukhoon sniggered at Namjoon as though the male is telling some sick joke. Namjoon peered over the two males in disgust at their demeanors. They make him infuriated.
“What took you so long to notice that, Namjoonie?” Sukhoon said in mockery tone after their laughter subsides and back to business.
“Then, who are you? Why do you look like Seungwoon? Why did you pretending to be him if you’re not him?!” scolded Namjoon.
Seungwoon chided. “Namjoon-hyung. That’s not how we greet at each other after six years….”
Namjoon lips parted in aw shuck at the friendly tone as he stares at Seungwoon without blinking his eyes. “Who – who are you?” asked him with a shaken voice. His heart pounding inside his ribcage as he waited for the male to answer.
Seungwoon smirked. “Namjoon-hyung. It’s me, Seungjae…”
Namjoon fretted at the name. “Seungjae? Who –?” later he gasped in shock. “Seungjae?? You! You’re Seungwoon’s brother!” he yelled.
Seungwoon shrugged and confirmed the declaration. “Long time no see, Namjoon-hyung…”
Namjoon didn’t know how to accept the fact that the male who he thought as Seungwoon is Seungjae – Seungwoon’s little brother. The last time he met with Seungjae was six years ago. At that material time, Seungjae still a kid and now he’s a grown-up teenager. That’s why he couldn’t recognize the younger. Seungjae looks identical to Seungwoon except for the mole.
“But – but Seungjae-ah. What – what are you doing here? And how did you know Sukhoon? He’s a bad man, Seungjae. You shouldn’t be friends with him!” reprimand Namjoon as he feels obligated towards Seungjae. He wants to protect Seungjae from Sukhoon like he protects his members from the evil man. It comes naturally.
Sukhoon scoffed at Namjoon’s statement. “Don’t be stupid, Namjoon. Don’t you get it? The reason why Seungjae is with me?” he asked then.
Namjoon bites his lips nervously. He looks at Seungjae and Sukhoon, demanding a further explanation about their conspiracy.
“I’m here for my brother, Namjoon-hyung. I’m here because I want to make you pay for what you’ve done to my brother…” Seungjae explained, venom leeching out from his voice.
Namjoon’s shake his head at the allegation. “What – what do you mean, Seungjae? Is this about the accident? I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to – ”
“Yours sorry cannot bring him back! He’s dead! He’s gone. And that’s because of you!” Seungjae shouted thunderously. Eyes full of hatred ogling at Namjoon.
Namjoon was deadpanned at the outburst. Hearing the words after six years had made his heart shattered into pieces again. A sudden realization hits him so hard that he thinks his heart is going to explode. His head dangled down as he stares at his tied hands on his lap. His eyes start to cover with tears.
“He’s dead… Seungwoon dead… he…” Namjoon murmured within his breath. He squeezed shut his eyes when an image of Seungwoon’s body lying in the casket flashed in. His faded memory of Seungwoon starts to become clearer and a strangled sob slipped from his lips.
“Seungwoon died because of you Namjoon. You abandoned us when we need you the most. You betrayed our friendship for fame. That night you ditched us for your own success. That night you break our friendship Namjoon!”
Namjoon’s tilted his head towards Sukhoon as the male poured out his discontentment with animosity. “Sukhoon? How did you – ”
Sukhoon’s stoically stares at Namjoon before he speaks. “First, we live as a friend and die as a friend…”
Namjoon's eyes widen in shock instantaneously.
“Second, hip-hop is the reason to live and the reason to die…” Sukhoon continues.
Heavy tears cascade down to Namjoon's cheeks as he keeps listening to Sukhoon.
“Third, our dreams are a dream together. One’s failed, everyone’s failed…”
Namjoon whimpered hearing those promises again.
“Forth, we are the voices of each other!” Sukhoon’s voice booming in the cabin when he yelled the last promise.
Namjoon’s trembled as he looks at Sukhoon through his blurry vision.
“Hak – Hakyon-ah…”
•
•
•
•
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Notes:
How's the revelation?
Have you ever expected that Sukhoon is Hakyon?
I really have a good time all these whiles when everyone keeps on saying Sukhoon is Seungwoon and Seungwoon is the bad guy 🤭🤭
I didn't know what do you think about the story but I really enjoy myself writing this book as a whole 😏
Chapter 43: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙒𝙊
Notes:
𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 ;
a state of complete emptiness or destruction.
AND
A few medical terms, graphic depiction of violence and read with caution!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Everything moves in slow motion. The earth stops spinning. The clouds stop moving. The birds singing a sad song. The weather is murky and the wind breeze softly. The deafening silence tugging on the heartstring.
Namjoon watched how the brown casket goes down slowly, watching it’s disappeared under the ground. He heard the speech of the priest, telling everyone present at the cemetery how’s life doesn’t end with death. Death is the only beginning of a new afterlife. He assured everyone; the kind soul belong to the Song Seungwoon will rest in peace in heaven.
Namjoon stayed on the cemetery for a while after everyone had gone home. He stands in front of the grave, staring at the stone engraving the name of his best friend. Namjoon was still in a state of denial. He couldn’t believe that Seungwoon had passed away.
“Joon…”
Namjoon didn’t move an inch at the call of his name. He knows Yoongi has been with him since it’s happened. Two days ago, the elder had been accompanying him in the hospital and now at the funeral. He was grateful for the male to be here, in which he needs support.
“We should go. It’s going to rain…” said Yoongi as he glanced at the cloudy sky, getting darker on each minute.
“Just a second…” Namjoon voice croaked and raspy.
“Hmm…” Yoongi hummed as he feels sad looking at how haggard the younger really looks like now.
He didn’t sleep for two days. Since the night when they received the news about the incident and the disheartening news about Seungwoon – Namjoon was totally shocked.
Namjoon didn’t say a word when the doctor pronounced the death of Seungwoon to everyone. Not even when the uproar wailing of the family, kneeling in front of the doctor, begging for him to save Seungwoon resonated in the hallway.
And then a loud smacked on Namjoon’s face had led to another chaos. Seungwoon’s mother had slapped Namjoon out of anger. Blaming him for the death of her son. If Namjoon hasn’t sent the ticket to her son. If Namjoon hasn’t invited her son to the award. If Namjoon hasn’t been a bad friend to her son.
All these wouldn’t have happened.
Namjoon took all the blames. He said nothing when Seungwoon’s mother spat those hurtful words to him. He remained silent when Seungwoon’s mother hits him on the chest while she mourned over her deceased son.
Namjoon just stays there like a lifeless human being. His eyes were void in emotion.
Namjoon didn’t cry that day. In fact, Namjoon didn’t shed any tears at all afterward. At the hospital as well as at the funeral. To say Yoongi is worried is an understatement. He was beyond scared when he saw how quiet Namjoon was. He seems so fine but Yoongi could feel there’s something wrong.
Yoongi didn’t know how to help Namjoon at the time except watching him in silence. However, he couldn’t stay longer at Namjoon's house. He needs to go back to the dorm. Even if he is reluctant to leave Namjoon alone there, he didn’t have the permission to stay. So he left reluctantly.
Namjoon laid down on his bed, don’t even care to change his attire. He’s still wearing the black suit he worn at Seungwoon’s funeral. He stared at the ceiling with blank eyes. His mind and his body were depleted without any rest and proper sleep for two days. He couldn’t think about anything for the past few days. He’s busy helping Seungwoon’s family preparing for the funeral.
Despite the raged of Seungwoon’s mother at the hospital, Namjoon ignored the piercing gaze of the mother while he continues to arrange everything, helping the rest of the family. Seungwoon’s father is more lenient and forgiving throughout the situation and he feels at ease a little bit receiving empathy.
Namjoon didn’t have the chance to visit Hakyon in the hospital yet since he has been treated in the burn intensive care unit. Only family and relatives were allowed to be around. So Namjoon didn’t know what the condition of Hakyon is right now and the family also didn’t want to give any information about it too. Namjoon didn’t blame them for that. They have a valid reason to be mad at him, as similar to Seungwoon’s family.
Namjoon takes his phone out from the pocket of the suit and touched on the message apps. He rereads again the conversation he had with Hakyon that night.
Namjoon didn’t have the time to greet them before the award show due to unforeseen circumstances.
And after the awards, while celebrating with the rest of BTS for their first win, Namjoon received another text message from Hakyon.
Namjoon tried to call Hakyon a few times but Hakyon didn’t answer his call. Namjoon knows Hakyon was sad after he had neglected him and Seungwoon that night. Namjoon feels guilty for treating the two like that but he was celebrating BTS first victory and he got distracted a little bit. That’s why he tries to redeem it now, asking Hakyon to wait for him. Which is too late to do so.
Namjoon eyes stay on Hakyon’s last message.
We already left.
We already left.
His vision turns blurry with tears and his heart been tugged with a horrible feeling. The reality comes to him and hit him like a ton of bricks. Seungwoon died in the tragic accident and Hakyon is still in the ICU.
A heartbreaking sob slipped through his chapped lips. He curled like a ball on his bed, hand still holding his phone as he continues to cry devastatingly – mourning over the loss of his best friend, Song Seungwoon.
“Seungwoon-ah…” he called the names and his heart broken into pieces, knowing that his friend won’t be able to reply to him. He will never listen to his voice again. And he will never see him again in this life.
“Seungwoon-ah! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he weeps and repeatedly saying Seungwoon’s name. Namjoon cried until there's no more tears left to shed. He cried until his body lost every ounce of energy. He had fallen asleep with dried tears on his face, a few sobs still crept out from his lips and droplet of tears cascade down as he dreamt of Seungwoon and Hakyon.
Everyone is fidgeting on the couch meanwhile Sejin walking around the dorm back and forth. It’s been twelve hours since Namjoon had been missing. They haven’t heard anything yet. Not even from the kidnapper. If he’s been kidnapped. The police had taken everyone’s statement and asking them to wait for any news.
“Namjoon’s parent will be here any minute…”
It’s a mere silence when Jimin told them. Sejin had called his parents a few hours ago and they will come to their dorm as fast as they can. But there’s no solid explanation as to where is Namjoon right now. No one knows. And it makes them frustrated.
A shrill ringing from Sejin’s phone makes everyone jerked from the couch. Sejin gives them a guilty smile and picks up the phone immediately, distancing himself a little bit far from the boys. The rest were watching their manager talked over the phone and noticed the frown on his face.
Sejin ends the call and joined with the boys once again. He takes a deep breath and clears his throat awkwardly. He feels a little bit anxious when everyone is looking at him quizzically.
“I had asked the staff to run a background check of Sukhoon and we found out it’s not his real name…” tells Sejin.
Everyone's eyes widen in shock and let out a loud gasp at the information.
“What do you mean it’s not his real name?” asked Seokjin while he clenched his fist with hammering heart.
Sejin runs his fingers over his hair in exasperation. “I don’t know Seokjin. They just found out that Sukhoon has been using a fake ID to apply for the job at BigHit…”
“What the fuck!” cursed Yoongi furiously, making everyone surprised at his sudden outburst but the reaction is understandable. “How could you hire someone like that? You should’ve checked his background or whatsoever!” he spats with anger.
Sejin stares at the rapper. “We’re not a police department for us to run any test to make sure the ID is real, Yoongi. He had given to us a valid document and we firmly believe he is genuine. This is not some CSI drama where you can just pull out someone criminal record based on his ID number!” he retorts.
“The company should do that for the sake of our safety though…” Yoongi replied.
“Now we know…” Sejin said with a sad tone.
“Who the fuck is this Sukhoon then?” Jungkook asked.
Sejin shook his head. “The police still investigate this matter. Meanwhile, we have to wait in case the kidnapper call…”
“Namjoon-hyung is going to be fine, right?”
Everyone turned their head towards Taehyung as he shakenly asked the question. There’s moist in his eyes as he is on the verge of crying. Hoseok wrapped his arm around the younger’s shoulder, caressing his arm in order to calm him.
“He’s fine. He will be fine, Tae. He will come home to us, perfectly fine. Don’t – don’t you worry…” Seokjin said but he was stammering as though there’s no confidence when he uttered those words.
“Why Sukhoon did this to Namjoon? What does he want? He seems to plan everything from the beginning. What kind of grudge that he has towards Namjoon?” asked Jimin curiously.
“It’s really weird. If he wanted to destroy BTS why Namjoon is the only target? And the fake Seungwoon had conspired with this fake Sukhoon. If it’s a personal grudge what did Namjoon do for him to deserve this?” states Jungkook.
Everyone has the same questions and confusion. They couldn’t find any reason as to why Sukhoon had abducted Namjoon. As they keep thinking about the possibility, Namjoon’s parents arrived at the dorm. Seokjin is the first person to greet them and enveloped the small frame of Mrs. Kim into a strong hug.
“It’s okay, they’ll find him…”
Seokjin nibbles his lower lips at the words. It should be him who needs to comfort the elder, not otherwise. The members also feel embarrassed at her composure and repose reaction rather than having a mental breakdown like the rest of BTS members.
The Kim join the other in the living room. The six boys give them a feeble smile and refused to make a longer eye-contact with Namjoon’s parent out of guilt. They notice the sorrow on their old face and their hearts stricken at the sight. It’s painful to watch.
“How – how did this happen?” Mr. Kim asked the boys. There’s no hostility in his voice, just pure concern.
Hoseok clears his throat before he speaks. “We don’t know. We just realized about this morning when we supposed to meet him at the hotel…”
Mr. Kim frowned. “Hotel? What he’s doing in the hotel? Why he didn’t stay in this house?” he queried.
Everyone was caught off guard and feeling anxious to answer as five of them were sneaking a glance over Yoongi. Inconspicuously condemn the elder but have no gut to voice it out.
“I’m sorry. It’s my fault that we – we have an argument yesterday and Sejin decided that Namjoon shouldn’t be here to avoid further confrontation…” Yoongi answered truthfully, has no intention to conceal the fact. He stood looking at Mr. Kim and Mrs. Kim, with a tragically humble sort of contriteness.
They can hear how both of them taking a long and deep breath. Everyone is on the edge, keeps fidgeting on the couch as if there’s something bugging them over it. At that moment, they wish to be everywhere but here. It’s too tense to face with Namjoon’s parents at this crucial hour.
“But Mrs. Kim, I would like to ask you something…” Yoongi continues. He waits for their response before Mr. Kim nods his head asking him to proceed.
“We believe that our new manager is responsible for this and he gets help from an unknown guy. But Namjoon claimed that that guy is his friend, Seungwoon…” said Yoongi.
And as expected, Mr. Kim and Mrs. Kim were flabbergasted at the information. “Seungwoon?” they both said simultaneously.
“Yes, he said that guy is Seungwoon. The same person who had pushed him on the stairs before…” explained Yoongi. He stares at the two who’s still shocked at the mention of Seungwoon’s name. “However, we know that Seungwoon died six years ago. Right?” he further states, asking for confirmation. But it doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Mrs. Kim nods her head firmly. “Yes, it’s impossible. You attend the funeral too, Yoongi. How could – how could a dead person come to alive? It’s absurd…” she said with a shaken voice, obviously affected with the situation. Her husband grabbed her hand on her laps to calm her nerves.
Yoongi then gestured towards Sejin, asking the said male to show the footage of the CCTV he had from the security. He put down the phone, facing Mr. Kim and Mrs. Kim and touched the icon play.
Mr. Kim and Mrs. Kim watched the footage, frowning a little bit at the black and white video before their eyes widen in horror at the two figures.
“This – this –“ Mrs. Kim pointed at the video with a trembling hand.
“These two are our main suspect. One of them is the new manager and the other one is Seungwoon…”
“These two…” Mrs. Kim couldn’t hold her tears anymore, covering her mouth with both of her hands. “It can’t be…” she mumbled through her hands. “Why did they – “
Everyone frets at her reaction and can see a similar expression from Mr. Kim who seems dumbfounded after watching the video.
“What is it? Did you know them??” urged Seokjin impatiently.
Mrs. Kim continues her cries. “The one you said Sukhoon is actually Hakyon, Namjoon’s old friend. And – and the younger one is Seungjae. He – he’s Seungwoon little brother…” she said tremblingly.
Yoongi eyes widen at the familiar name. “Hak – Hakyon? But – but he looks different from what I’ve remembered!” he negates with incredulity.
Mrs. Kim wiped her tears before she explained. “After the accident, Hakyon had received intensive treatment in the hospital for two months. The doctor said he needs plastic surgery on his lower body and his family decided to go to the US for it. After that, I never heard of them anymore….”
Yoongi fisted his hand into a ball, gritting his teeth in anger. He finally understands the whole situation.
“Hakyon is seeking revenge…” he uttered furiously.
And everyone was appalled to listen to it.
“Revenge??”
Yoongi nods and looks at Namjoon’s parent. “But I don’t understand one thing. Namjoon knows Seungwoon died in the accident. But why he said Seungjae is Seungwoon? It doesn’t make sense that he didn’t know about it…” he asked with curiosity.
The others were in the same opinion with Yoongi and they know only Namjoon’s parent has the answer. They look at the two elders expectantly.
This time Mr. Kim takes the responsibility to explain everything to everyone in the living room. His wife still crying silently, and he didn’t want to put the burden on her further. It’s been a chaotic day for them after they’ve learned what had happened to their only son.
“After the death of Seungwoon, it’s hard for Namjoon. He blames himself for what had happened and he thought Seungwoon will not die if he didn’t send the invitation to the show….” Mr. Kim starts his story in a calm voice.
“But it’s not his fault the accident happens. If they want to blame someone then they can blame the drunk driver!” gushed Jimin emotionally. And the rest of the boys nodded their heads in agreement.
Mr. Kim sighed. “It’s not that easy Jimin. Namjoon is – well you know how he is. He always takes the responsibility of everything, even it’s not his at all…” he said.
“He always overanalyzes something trivial. It’s his charm as well as his weaknesses.” Seokjin added with exasperation.
“We thought he just needs some time for him to mourn the death. But he took longer than we thought. He got extremely sick and we brought him to the hospital. High fever due to physical and emotional exhaustion…”
Mr. Kim paused for a few seconds, taking a deep breath before he starts talking again. “When he wakes up the next day, the first question he asked was why he’s there? We thought it’s normal for him to ask that, but the second question caught us off guard…”
“What – what question?” asked Taehyung and his heart is beating too fast as he didn’t feel good at all for what is about to come.
Mr. Kim gulped. “He asked when did he come home? The last thing he remembers is at the award show, rehearsing before the performance…”
Everyone gasped.
“Did he – did he forget about the accident? How?” Seokjin’s turn to ask.
Mr. Kim nodded. “It’s psychogenic amnesia or dissociative amnesia due to severe psychological stress.”
“Amnesia? But he didn’t hit his head, somewhere right?” said Hoseok foolishly. The rest of the boys gives him a piercing gaze and Hoseok glared back at them while mouthing a silent ‘what’ while he shrugged his shoulder.
Mr. Kim let out a soft chuckle at the funny statement. However, Hoseok wasn’t wrong to think like that. In fact, when he heard about it for the first time, he had the same question too. After the explanation from the doctor, he finally realized it’s possible to happen.
“Dissociative amnesia occurs when a person blocks out certain information, usually associated with a stressful or traumatic event, leaving him or her unable to remember important personal information. It is not the same as simple amnesia, which involves a loss of memory due to disease or injury to the brain. With dissociative amnesia, the memories still exist but are deeply buried within the person's mind and cannot be recalled. However, the memories might resurface on their own or after being triggered by something in the person's surroundings.” Mr. Kim gives a lengthy explanation for everyone to understand.
Yoongi massaged his temple hearing the medical condition, feeling dizzy to absorb all the information at once. “That’s why he can’t remember about Seungwoon and believes that Seungjae is Seungwoon…” he said meekly.
Mr. Kim hummed as affirmation. “People with this disorder also might appear confused and suffer from depression and/or anxiety. That’s why we seek a therapist help as being suggested by the doctor…” Mr. Kim continues.
“Therapist?” the sound of everyone asking the same question booming in the living room. They were too shocked to hear that since Namjoon never mentioned it to them before.
Of course, being an idol is not an easy job. They can get easily distressed due to the busy schedules, working non-stop and have to deal with a lot of negative comments from the netizen as well as the media. And for that, the company had hired a therapist to help them in dealing with emotional distress.
But they had never thought that any of them will seek another therapist, especially not Namjoon. But hearing the story from his father, they realized that it is a serious concern. They didn’t know Namjoon had suffered so much from the incident.
“The session helps him a lot. But then we noticed something odd about him on the second visit to the therapist…”
Everyone perked at the statement, looking at Mr. Kim to spill everything. What’s more that can give them a mini heart attack? They’ve learned every single secret about their leader, and nothing can make them surprised again.
“Namjoon starts acting like a child. The doctor said that it was a self-defense mechanism. A way to protect him from all the hurtful things, where he can forget all the bad memories…”
“That’s when his little space started…” Mrs. Kim added with a sad voice.
Namjoon couldn’t move his eyes from Sukhoon. No. Hakyon.
His heart is hurting. After all those years, now he meets with his friend again. Hakyon.
All the memories flashing like it’s only happened yesterday. With Hakyon and Seungwoon.
Friendship promises. The laughter. The tears. Everything becomes clear and vibrant.
Namjoon couldn’t hold back the avalanche of tears that had been building up since the moment he realized the man who had been torturing him is his own friend, Hakyon.
“Hakyon-ah…”
“Don’t call my name with your filthy mouth!” Hakyon yelled and his voice echoed in the cabin. But he didn’t worry that someone might hear it since they were deep in the forest.
Namjoon’s lips trembled at the scathing tone as his tears continue to cascade down. Nonetheless, he couldn’t make himself to despise the act. All the hatred he harbored towards Sukhoon, melted like ice once he knows the truth.
How could he hate his own friend? His brotherlike ally? They shared the same dreams. They vowed their friendship for eternity. They were together through thick and thin.
The same man who had been his biggest supporter. The same man who had been giving him the greatest strength. The man who had persuaded him to go for his dream even he himself had failed to do the same. The man who is so selfless and big-hearted.
“Hakyon-ah… Yonnie-ah…” he whispered with a shaken voice, still couldn’t believe himself that the male is Hakyon.
Hakyon gritted his teeth in anger at Namjoon’s gut. He approached the male and grabbed his hair harshly. He yanked it to the back, making Namjoon whimpered painfully.
“Don’t you dare, Kim Namjoon! You – you have lost all the right to call me that. You traitor!!” he yelled on Namjoon's face.
Namjoon contorts in pain. He averted his teary eyes to Hakyon. “But – but I used to – used to call you that, Yonnie-ah…”
Hakyon let out a boisterous laugh, sounded more to hysterically, amused at Namjoon's words. He snapped back to Namjoon, closing the distance between dear face.
“You really are an asshole, Namjoon! You treat me like shit! You are the reason why Seungwoon is dead. And now you acted friendly with me?” he seethed in disgust.
Namjoon shook his head. “No – no it's not me – I didn’t –“
“Shut up!!” Hakyon screamed, impedes over Namjoon's speech. He didn’t want to hear any excuses from the male. He has enough all these years. He had been suffering for a long time, and this is the time for him to avenge over his pain and misery.
Namjoon squeezed shut his eyes, taken aback at the yell. “Sorry. Sorry, Hakyon-ah. I’m sorry for everything. I’m really sorry…” he mumbled through his sobs repetitively asserting his apology.
“Sorry couldn’t change anything, Namjoon. It's useless!”
“I’m sorry…”
“Shut up!”
“Sorry, Hakyon-ah…”
“I said shut up!!”
“Sorry, Hak-“
“You motherfucker!!!” Hakyon screamed out of his lung before he whacked on Namjoon's face with his bare hand as hard as he can. “I said shut up!!!!!”
Namjoon couldn’t defend himself at the attack. He falls like a ragdoll on the bed with a buzzing on his right ears and a throbbing pain over his right cheek.
He flickered his eyes as his vision turns to grayout, trying to keep his consciousness. Namjoon scrunched his face in pain, heart skipped a bit when he feels a foreign liquid flowing through his nose. He can smell the copper. Namjoon tries to move his hand but it went limp on the bed because he was too weak to do so.
Namjoon didn’t know what is happening to him but he feels dizzy and nauseated. His head is aching meanwhile his eyelids slowly become heavier. Namjoon is striving very hard to keep his eyes open but it doesn’t go according to his wish. And then there was nothing, except darkness.
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Notes:
Okay idk if it makes sense to you, but that's what happens to Namjoon on the past.
So whatever lol 🤣
Other than that,
Please stay at home and take care of yourself during the lockdown. Covid19 is not a simple virus. It's lethal and still has no cure. All over the world has been affected by this weird virus and the amount of deaths is horrifying!
Let's stay alive and meet again in the next chapter. Okay?
Chapter 44: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀
Notes:
𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒗𝒐𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 [𝒎𝒖𝒉-𝒍𝒆𝒗-𝒖𝒉-𝒍𝒖𝒉𝒏𝒔]
𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑛; the quality, state, or feeling of being malevolent; ill will; malice; hatred.
Chapter Text
Yoongi cast his eyes skeptically towards the younger as the said male is busy with his computer. Focused and inert on his comfortable chair. He noticed something odd with his dongsaeng behavior for the past few days.
“Hyung, do you think it’s appropriate if I tune down the melody on this part?”
Yoongi shot up from the couch and strode towards the younger. “Which one?” he asked while he bends down his upper body to have a look at the screen. The latter male pointed out with his finger and Yoongi hummed. “I think it will sound better…” he agreed with the younger.
Yoongi sneaks another glance at the younger beside him, noticing how he beamed at his words and quickly re-arranged the melody. His dimple crated deeply implying that he is happy.
“Joon-ah…”
Namjoon hummed without looking at Yoongi, continue to do his work.
Yoongi clears his throat. “Are you – are you okay?” he asked hesitantly.
Namjoon was taken aback at the sudden question, cocked his head to the side where Yoongi is looking at him with a concerned face. “Yes, I am. Why are you asking me that, hyung?” Namjoon queried as he let out a soft chuckle, feeling amused at Yoongi’s odd question.
Yoongi’s brows puckered. “Are you sure?” Yoongi didn’t feel confident at the answer given by Namjoon just now.
Namjoon knitted his brows in confusion, giving the elder a questioning look. “What do you mean by that, hyung? Is there any problem?”
Yoongi watched the younger’s expression as he genuinely lost with the conversation. Yoongi sighed. “I – I just want to know if – if everything’s fine when you took the leave last week. We – we haven’t discussed what’d happened back there…” he stated cautiously as he attempted not to stir up the younger about the fatal accident.
Namjoon swings his chair, now facing Yoongi with a serious face. “Hmm, everything’s fine. It’s just that I’d fallen sick for a few days and just had a good rest at home. And I went to see the –“
Yoongi knitted his brows in confusion when Namjoon was unexpectedly frozen on his chair. He can overhear how loud the younger’s brain is working now, seeing how his face is contorted with an unreadable expression.
“Joon?”
Namjoon seems lost in his deep thought and when Yoongi placed his hand over Namjoon’s shoulder to gain his attention, Namjoon instantly startled. Yoongi stares at the younger questioningly. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked with concern.
Namjoon eyes roaming around the studio anxiously before he glanced back at Yoongi. He shook his head and exhaled a deep sigh. “No – nothing hyung. I’m – I’m just remember something…”
Yoongi can see through the lies uttered by the younger. He had been living with Namjoon longer than the others and he can easily read when the younger is telling lie. He noticed how Namjoon is fidgeting and his fingers keep playing with the string of his black hoodie – fiddling on it mindlessly.
“How’s Hakyon?” Yoongi asked out of blue. He hasn’t heard about Hakyon after the accident. When he went back to Seoul by himself, he had lost contact with Namjoon too. Yoongi thought that Namjoon just needs some time alone to cope with everything. It’s been really hard for Namjoon and Yoongi feels guilty for unable to be with him at that moment.
Once the younger came back from his hometown, Yoongi found out something strange about Namjoon. He didn’t talk too much about what had happened to Hakyon and Seungwoon. Yoongi also didn’t have the gut to ask, afraid that it will make him sad. In fact, Yoongi feels a little bit relieved that Namjoon looks just fine. He resumed all the activity as though he never had undergone any horrible incident.
Yoongi was thankful that it didn’t affect Namjoon so much. To see how the younger smile and joking around with all the members, Yoongi was at ease. Even though, there’s some other time he finds it is weird to see Namjoon acted extraordinarily normal.
Namjoon was taken aback at the sudden question and he exchanged the gaze with Yoongi. “Hakyon? He’s fine, hyung. But my mother said he and his family had moved to the US for a treatment…” he answered truthfully.
Yoongi let out a silent ‘oh’, remembering what had the doctor said about his burn scars and it needs to be treated with surgery.
“But he just left like that without saying anything to me. Not even a goodbye!” huffed Namjoon as he pouted cutely.
Yoongi raised his brows at his sudden cuteness. “Did you talked to him?” he asked while smiling lopsidedly staring at Namjoon’s pouting lips, cooing at the younger adorable act. Namjoon didn’t use to show this side to anyone but once he did, his heart made a flip.
“No, I didn’t get the chance! Hakyon just left and he had deactivated his phone number. I think he is mad at me!” Namjoon said, whining a little bit while he continues to play with the string. Lips jutted in exasperation.
Yoongi hummed at the reply. “Maybe he needs time too, Joon…” he said in order to alleviate his distress.
Namjoon turned his head towards Yoongi. “Time?” He wears the look of one who is gnawed with sorrow, and he heaves the sigh of despair. “Do you think he – he’s still mad at me?” he further asked. His eyes, which had been downcast, lifted and glared on Yoongi.
Yoongi gulped once before he begins to speak. “Joon, give him and yourself time to cope with everything…”
“Bb – but…” Namjoon was endeavored to speak, but his voice was tremulous with emotion. As his eyes been fogged with the sad tears, he quickly sweeps it off with his clothed forearm. A little bit rough that his face becomes red due to his action.
Yoongi was taken aback to see the mini breakdown. A pang suddenly struck him and makes his heart is broken to see the younger in grief.
“Do – do you think he – he hates me too, hyung?”
Namjoon misty doe eyes were staring at him, demanding for him to answer honestly. Yoongi didn’t know why a straightforward question like that is tough to answer. Yoongi doesn’t want to hurt Namjoon but he didn’t have a nice word to sugarcoat the younger either.
“Joon, he’s your best friend for years. He won’t hate you…” Yoongi played safe by answering that way.
Namjoon sniffs. “I’m afraid that – that he will hate me – as much as Seungwoon hates me…” he said with a crack voice.
Yoongi quickly shakes his head to deny such allegation. “No, Joon. They can’t hate you. No matter what, the three of you have been friends for ages. A simple misunderstanding will not ruin your friendship…”
Namjoon eyes narrowed, he got a vertical wrinkle between his eyebrows. His lips pursed slightly. “Really?”
Yoongi’s lips twitched into a smile as he nods his head affirmatively. However, Yoongi didn’t know that the intangible monster of a misunderstanding had crept between the three. After six years, it was proven wrong and it becomes the nightmare of BTS.
Yoongi sat on his bed, hiding his head in between his hands as he is agonizing the whole situation right now. He attempted to wipe away the bitter memory where he had treated Namjoon cruelly last few days. All the hurtful words he had spats on Namjoon and the heartbroken expression of the younger. Everything. It’s been haunting him, and it makes Yoongi is suffocated with guilt.
‘You’re so arrogant!’
‘You and your leader attitude! It’s sickening that you took your role that far!’
Yoongi let out a painful sob as those venomous words keep ringing to his ears. Those vicious words he had uttered and shoot it mercilessly on Namjoon’s face. Yoongi clasped on his clothed chest, near to his heart, as he can feel the excruciating pain on it.
‘You’re the most toxic person I ever met!’
‘He’s not our leader if he’s trying to bring down his own member!’
“I’m sorry Namjoon-ah…” he mumbled in between of his cry. It hurts as if someone had stabbed a knife on his heart.
‘He’s not my friend if he’s trying to ruin my life!’
“Sorry, Joon-ah….I’m – I’m sorry…” he repeats the same words over and over again, but it never makes his heart feel a lesser pain. How intense must have been the suffering that could so benumb his heart.
Yoongi screamed out loud. His lung almost combusts at the intense feeling. He hits his chest continuously, muttering Namjoon’s name and let his tears to visualize his regret over his callous act towards the younger.
Yoongi wishes for another chance. He prayed for one more chance to God. He prayed for Namjoon to come home. He prayed for Namjoon to be safe. He prayed he has the opportunity to admit his mistake and seek for forgiveness.
Namjoon, I’m sorry!
“Why did you hit him again?”
Hakyon glared at Seungjae. He took out a box of cigarettes from his jeans pocket, pulled out one of the sticks and put it in between his lips. “He's being a pain in the ass…” he answered casually and light up the cigarette, puffing the smoke into the air.
“He'll die if you keep doing that!” Seungjae retorts. Evidently didn’t agree with the amount of violence had the male inflicted on Namjoon.
Hakyon chided. “What? I thought you want to do this for your brother. Are you chicken out now?” he said condescendingly.
Seungjae groaned at the sardonic remarks. “It doesn’t mean that I want to be a murderer!” he crossed the said statement.
Hakyon let out a boisterous laugh at the statement, staring at the younger incredulously. He tosses the remaining cigarette to the floor and steps on it to remove the fire. “Said who had pushed him over the stairs…”
Seungjae groaned in irritation at Hakyon's cynical attitude. As much as he wanted to rebut again but he couldn’t deny that he used to hurt Namjoon. But it doesn’t mean that he wanted to kill Namjoon.
Hakyon eyes flicked past Seungjae and snickered at the younger male. “Just sit back and relax, Seungjae. You don’t have to do the dirty job. Let me handle everything, you coward!”
“What is your real plan, hyung? You haven’t told me anything! I should know everything if you want me to be in this too…” Seungjae voiced out his dissatisfaction.
Seungjae won’t lie that he is still baffled with everything that happened right now. Hakyon has to be so secretive and Seungjae couldn’t hide his suspicion. He didn’t know the overall plan since Hakyon didn’t brief him well. The only thing he knows is that they both want to avenge over Seungwoon’s death.
Of course, Seungjae is mad. When his brother died, he was fifteen years only. Too young to understand what had happened to his brother. He just remembers that Seungwoon died due to an accident. He died on the scene and Hakyon was severely injured. Later, Hakyon went to the US for an intensive treatment to treat his burn scar over his body.
Seungjae never sees Hakyon and his family afterward. That’s the reason when he received an e-mail from Hakyon two years ago, Seungjae was shell-shocked. A simple e-mail that had changed his life forever.
“You – you look different…” That’s what Seungjae said to Hakyon when he first met with Hakyon.
Hakyon let out a soft chuckle at the indication. He sipped his coffee, enjoying the taste of the caffeine on his taste bud before he put the cup on the table slowly. “I’ve got a plastic surgery…” he simply answered.
Seungjae frowned. “But – as far as I remember, the injury doesn’t affect your face that much. My mom said it’s just a small burn on your neck and side cheek…”
Hakyon cracked up. “Well, that small injury had a huge effect on my life. I hate it to see it on my face. It’s kinda reminded me of the accident, so I decided to have surgery on my face too…”
Seungjae hummed and a slight sadness crept into his heart as he reminisced his dead brother. “How – how are you doing, hyung?” he asked hesitantly. Afraid that it will be a sensitive question to Hakyon.
Hakyon stares at Seungjae as he notices the gloom mood of the younger. He breathed out heavily. “Survived but not living…” he answered cynically.
Seungjae startled a little bit at the unexpected reply. He and Hakyon shared a meaningful stare.
“What about you? And your parents? Are they good?” Hakyon asked the same question to Seungjae.
“After Seungwoon died everything’s changed. We’re no longer the same. Especially my mother. She was devastated and it took her sanity. She couldn’t deal with the loss very well. Seungwoon is her favorite son, so to lose him at a young age had wrecked her utmost,” told Seungjae with a shaken voice.
His head dangled down to his drink and anxiously cupped the glass with both of his hands. He tried to conceal his teary eyes from Hakyon.
Hakyon fisted his hand listening to the story. “How – how’s she now?”
Seungjae slowly lifts his head and when his sad eyes meet with Hakyon’s, a droplet of tears cascade down through his eyelashes. “She – she died three years ago…” he said, lips trembling as he tried to muffle his sobs.
Hakyon eyes widened at the news, looking at Seungjae as if the younger was telling lie. “Wh – what?”
“She’s been suffering for years, hyung. Death – death is the best to end her misery. We couldn’t help her, and it’s had implicated all of us. No one is dealing with the loss really well and – and we keep struggling to move on but we – we couldn’t do that… the depression takes her life, hyung…”
Hakyon squeezed shut his eyes in anger and animosity, feeling the rage boiling up inside him. His knuckles turn to white as he balls his hand into a fist under the table. Seungjae’s silent sobs makes his blood rushing to his head. The veins on the side of his head intensified, almost looks like it’s going to explode anytime soon.
“All of this will not happen if – if –“
“If I and Seungwoon didn’t go to see Namjoon’s performance that night…” Hakyon cuts Seungjae’s words instantly.
Seungjae gasped and eyes fixated on Hakyon – quivering in dismay because Hakyon can read his mind easily. “Hy – hyung…”
“Seungwoon had told me numerous times how much Namjoon has changed after he became a trainee. Seungwoon always thinks that Namjoon is selfish, leaving us to fulfill his dream to become an idol. I never listened to him. I thought Seungwoon being jealous because he couldn’t get the same opportunities as Namjoon. I convinced him that Namjoon is not what he thinks, Namjoon won’t leave us or betrayed us. He’s our best friend. He won’t do that…”
Hakyon paused for a minute, trying to calm himself when the emotion started to overwhelm him. He’s grateful that Seungjae was giving him the ample time for him to settle with his plight – being silent as he waits for Hakyon to pick up where one left off.
“When he debuted with BTS, I notice the changes. It's obvious. He didn’t text us as frequently as he did. Being busy with the idol world. Seungwoon said he had forgotten about us, our friendship. He's an idol, he won’t be friends with us anymore. We aren’t like him. We didn’t belong to his world…”
“That’s cruel…” comments Seungjae.
Hakyon laughed gutturally. “This world sucks, Seungjae. Everyone is selfish, individualistic. We don’t care about the others as long as we can survive on our own,” he said bitterly.
Seungjae didn't say anything but nods his head in agreement with Hakyon's point of view.
“I thought Seungwoon just being petty again. And when we received the tickets, we're happy. Well, I do. Seungwoon – he – he didn’t want to go at first. He's still mad at Namjoon. But I persuaded him to go. Namjoon promised to meet us. And I think it's a great chance to makes things right again…”
“I still remember that day, hyung. He – he looks so happy and excited to go. He bought a new shirt...” Seungjae reminisced the fateful day. The last day he ever saw his brother alive.
“Yeah, I could tell the same. He looks nervous also…”
Seungjae smile. He remembered how Seungwoon pacing back and forth in their shared bedroom, feeling nervous that he’s going to the show to meet with Namjoon.
“But the decision to go is the worst decision ever. We were treated like nobody and Namjoon just leave us on our own to celebrate BTS first win. He just forgets about us and having a good time with his new friends. It’s worthless to be there in the beginning. He didn’t need us, and we are nothing for him!” Hakyon said, venom leeching from his voice as he punctuated every word with animosity.
Listening to Hakyon's story and add up with the story that he eventually knows from his parents about the incident – Seungjae had been harboring hatred towards Namjoon more and more.
He had lost his precious brother because of him. He had lost his mother because of him. He had lost his happiness because of him. Seungjae blamed everything on Namjoon. He couldn’t help himself from hating the man that ruined his life.
Hakyon stares at Seungjae with a grim face, heaving deeply before he speaks that will change their life forever. “Do you want him to pay for everything, Seungjae?”
Seungjae brows pucker in confusion. “What do you mean?”
Hakyon lips move inward. “It’s time for him to taste his own medicine, Seungjae…”
Seungjae takes a deep breath as the memory from the last two years came back at the moment. He strokes his hair to the back, groaning in exasperation thinking about how all this started.
Hakyon has been planning for their revenge for a year. Faking his identity to Sukhoon, he then applied for the new post as BTS assistant manager, approaching Namjoon, torturing the male mentally and physically. Everything was planned by Hakyon.
Seungjae played the role of his sidekick in this story. He just follows the older instruction without questioning the relevancy of it. Seungjae had disguised as his brother, Seungwoon – sending the text messages to Namjoon and had purposely shoved him on the stairs. Hakyon said they’re going to torture Namjoon until he quit being an idol, messing with his life and take away all the glory he had achieved being a part of BTS.
Thus, Seungjae couldn’t decipher the reason as to why Hakyon wanted to kidnap Namjoon and keeping him here in the small cabin – far from the town. He thought their plan will never get too physically and too brutal like this. Hakyon was being discreet and Seungjae didn’t like how far the situation they were in right now.
Seungjae glanced at Namjoon, still lying unconscious on the bed. Seungjae grimace when he saw the almost dried blood on his nose. He cursed to himself before he slowly approached the male. He watched the peaceful face with a mixture of emotions before he pulled out the drawer beside the bed. Seungjae then took out a medical kit from the nightstand drawer and softly wiped the remaining blood on Namjoon’s face with a wet tissue.
“I’m doing this not because I feel guilty or what. I’m doing this because you look so pathetic and that Hakyon is an asshole!” Seungjae mumbled to himself as if he wanted to justify his own action. And he didn’t know why he feels that way.
Seungjae’s hand abruptly stopped when Namjoon stirred in his sleep and he quickly pulled away his hand from Namjoon’s face. He watched how the male slowly open his eyes and hissing in pain when his face meets with the pillow. His cheek started to form a purple bruise and the side of his lips look swollen too.
Namjoon squints his eyes to chase away the blurriness on his vision. He blinked for a few times before his eyesight becomes clear than before. Namjoon gasped when he noticed that Seungjae is sitting on the side of the bed – staring at him with a dark expression.
“Seungwo – Seungjae….” He muttered, almost mispronounced the younger’s real name. He’s still trying to adapt to the fact that he is Seungjae, not Seungwoon.
Namjoon tried to shift a little bit but the strained on his hand and feet had limited his movement. His head still hurt, and his face was numb after being hits by Hakyon. As such, he gives up and rested on the bed begrudgingly.
“Why – why are you doing this, Seungjae?” Namjoon asked with a weak voice as he looks at Seungjae, pleading with his eyes for an answer.
Seungjae scoffed at the question, rolling his eyes in irritation. “Don’t ask a stupid question. You know why I’m doing this. Why Hakyon-hyung doing this…” he refutes.
Namjoon breathed out shakingly. “I – I don’t know, Seungjae…”
Seungjae glared at the said male. His jaw tightens at the laidback answer, enraged with Namjoon’s ignorant behavior. “Do not play innocent! You killed my brother! You killed Seungwoon and you have to pay for that!” he shouted furiously and shot up from the bed. He didn’t want to be near the said male. He is afraid that he will do something he will regret later.
Namjoon eyes widen in horror at the accusation. “Seung – Seungwoon? But – but he died in an accident… I didn’t kill – “
Seungjae couldn’t hold his anger and bolted towards Namjoon. He puts both of his hand on Namjoon’s neck, violently strangled the said man with all his strength. Namjoon’s face turns to crimson red as he’s being deprived of the air, letting out a painful choking sound. Seungjae’s palms pressing against his throat; Namjoon could feel his esophagus closing.
Namjoon scuffles underneath Seungjae but Seungjae won’t let his hand go. The pressure he puts over his neck is making him hard to breathe. Namjoon clawed his fingers at Seungjae’s hands uselessly and used his last breath to scream for help.
But he is slowly losing his consciousness. He feels his life is slipping away slowly. Seungjae eyes burned with emptiness and anger as Namjoon’s lungs burn with pain.
“What are you doing?”
A deep and low voice of Hakyon had startled Seungjae but his fingers still curl around Namjoon’s neck, pressing, closing. But when something cold being pressed on the side of his head, Seungjae loosens up his grip immediately. He tilted his head to look at the thing and he almost screamed when a gun has been pointed at him.
“Hy – hyung… what – what are you – “
Hakyon pressed the gun further and Seungjae trembled like a leaf. “The only person who can touch and kill Kim Namjoon is me…” he said with a threatening voice.
Seungjae swallowed as his body shivered at the shady attitude. He then nods his head before he sighed in relief when Hakyon removed the gun from his head. Seungjae thought his soul already left his body and his whole body went limp. He flumps on the bed.
Hakyon turned to Namjoon who had a coughing fit after being strangled by Seungjae. His pale face had almost turned into a normal color as he continues to wheeze. Hakyon lips twitched when he saw the finger marks on Namjoon’s neck. Although he is furious that Seungjae had acted brashly but at the same time to see how much Namjoon is suffering – Hakyon was thrilled. It’s always become the epitome of his pleasure to see the male in a great suffering.
Hakyon then shifted his gun and pointed it towards Namjoon, laughing evilly when he saw the shock face.
“Hyung – what – where did you get – get the gun?” Seungjae was horrified at the sudden turn of event. He moved away from the bed and stay a little bit far from Hakyon and Namjoon, watching the two in fear.
“Hak – Hakyon-ah…” Namjoon voice croaked in terror. His heart is hammering inside his ribcage. Hakyon is holding a gun!
Hakyon further laughs. “Are you ready to die, Namjoonie?”
Namjoon is shaking vigorously. Seungjae was terrified at the possibility. Hakyon grinned while his finger pressed on the trigger.
And then a shot has been fired.
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Chapter 45: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙍
Notes:
Dolor /ˈdɒlə/
noun;
‘a state of great sorrow or distress’EXTRA WARNING : GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF VIOLENCE AND USED OF WEAPON
Chapter Text
“Do you think Sukhoon is going to let Namjoon go?”
No one is able to answer Jungkook. Everyone is not in the right mind, thinking about Namjoon and his whereabouts. They couldn’t give the answer to Jungkook because they don’t even know how to do it without a negative outcome.
“Do you – do you think he – he will hurt Namjoon?” asked Jungkook again as his voice cracked and vibrating. He looks at his brothers, hoping that someone or anyone will answer and let his palpitating heart decreased anytime soon.
“Don’t – don’t say that, Jungkook!” retorts Seokjin angrily as his eyes glared at the younger for spitting nonsense at the crucial hour.
Jungkook flinched at the amount of animosity, cowered on the couch nervously. He tried not to cry because he knows that Seokjin didn’t have any intention to scold him like that. Everyone is tense right now and they were emotionally unstable.
“He’s just asking, Jin. No need to overreact!”
Seokjin snapped his head towards Yoongi, eyes piercing deeply on Yoongi in irked. “Overreact? You said I’m overreacting? Namjoon is missing for fuck sake! We don’t even know where he is, his wellbeing or if he’s even alive!!” Seokjin yelled. His face is red, and everyone can see his tense neck where the veins popped out.
“Everyone is concerned about him too, Jin. Not only you. So, there’s no need for you to be mad at him. He’s just asking what all of us wanted to know too…” Yoongi replied nonchalantly.
Seokjin rolled his eyes. “Don’t pretend to be nice, Yoongi. This happened because of you!” he said with an accusatory tone.
Yoongi is shell shocked at the sudden allegation, looking at Seokjin with a stunning face. “Wh – what?”
Seokjin clicked his tongue at the oblivious act. “If you just fucking listen to Namjoon that day, Sukh – “ Seokjin halted for a second, realizing that he almost said the wrong name and quickly corrected himself. “Hakyon will never have the chance to kidnap Namjoon! You are so blind with that jerk’s lies and you just snapped at Namjoon. You choose to trust that loser rather than your own friend!” lashed Seokjin, ignoring that his words might hurt Yoongi’s feeling.
“Jin-hyung, this is not the right time to blame someone –“
“Don’t tell me what is right and what is wrong, Hoseok!” snapped Seokjin, disliking the male’s attitude for interrupting. He knows he is being unreasonable right now, but he just couldn’t prevent himself not to scold Yoongi. Yoongi deserved it after all the chaos.
Hoseok shut his eyes and takes a deep breath to calm himself. He knows there’s no use for him to argue with Seokjin about it. He couldn’t deny that Seokjin has a good point and he can't defend Yoongi from the wrath. But to make a fuss in the current situation is not a good decision. They need to calm down for them to think reasonably.
Meanwhile, the maknaes didn’t have the gut to interrupt the argument, glued on their seats as their eyes flicked in between of Yoongi, Hoseok, and Seokjin nervously. Seeing how Hoseok been scolded just now, they comprehend that it is better for them just to keep quiet.
“You should have known, Yoongi. You have been friends with Namjoon longest than us. You should have known that he is not going to hurt any of us. Even after he begged you to trust him, even after he cried asking you to believe him, you – you just ignored him!” Seokjin continues to voice out his anger and disappointment towards the fellow rapper, as his voice slowly cracked, and he burst into tears.
Yoongi nibbles his lips and his whole body sagged on the couch listening to all the accusations thrown by the eldest. He wanted to defend himself, but he can’t because every single thing said by Seokjin is nothing but the truth. Yoongi couldn’t negate that he is the reason why Namjoon is missing.
“To be honest, I'm so disappointed with you, Yoongi…” Seokjin sobbed. He looks at Yoongi through his blurry vision as the said male continues to bow his head in shame.
“Namjoon always respects and adores you more than anyone in this room. You're his role model, Yoongi! He admired you as a rapper and as a friend. He always comes to you for advice because he trusted you. But –“ Seokjin choked on his tears as he continues to cry.
“ – but you let him down. You betrayed him. How – how could you do that to him, Yoongi? To Namjoon – to our leader – to our brother?” gushed Seokjin. His face now becomes totally red and his eyes were swollen due to the excessive crying.
Seokjin can hear a few sniffles in the room and without looking he knew that the rest was crying with him. And it's not a shocking fact that Yoongi had shed the same. Nevertheless, for Seokjin it will not hide the fact that he had mistreated Namjoon.
Hoseok tapped on Seokjin’s hand as the elder wanted to speak again, shaking his head as a hint to prevent him from saying anything further. “I think it’s enough Jin-hyung…” he whispered. His eyes glanced at Yoongi. “I believe that Yoongi had learned his lesson…” he continued.
Seokjin bawled his eyes at the statement and let out a scoff but zipped his mouth from giving his piece of mind. As much as he wanted to lament everything to Yoongi so that he will finally get some sense, Seokjin didn’t want to pressure Yoongi more than he can take. He noticed the gloom face and how his face is wet with tears.
“Jin’s right…” Yoongi whispered more to himself but still audible to everyone in the living room.
All the five pairs of eyes now moved to Yoongi and they can see how disheveled the male is right now. Their heart has been tugged with a pang of guilt seeing Yoongi like that, knowingly that the male had been suffered enough after learning the truth about Sukhoon or Hakyon.
“I’m really sorry for being a jerk to Namjoon, to – to everyone here…I will do anything to make sure that – that Namjoon will be with us again, safe and sound…” But now the voice broke in again, apologetic, solicitous, and self-seeking. Totally remorseful.
“It’s okay, Yoongi. We understand. And I believe that Seokjin has no intention to hurt your feeling. We're worried about Namjoon and our emotion is all over the place…” Hoseok said then, justifying Seokjin’s outburst earlier.
Seokjin didn’t refute what had Hoseok said just know. He is mad. That's the fact. Yoongi is being a jerk towards Namjoon. That’s the fact too. But he tried not to make his unwarranted emotion to cloud his judgment.
Yoongi deserved to be heard. And he also deserved to be forgiven. But as for now, Seokjin just doesn’t want to give it yet. Not until Namjoon come back home safely. Yoongi has to deal with it till then.
“I just hope that I have the chance – “ Yoongi trailed off as he couldn’t continue to say what’s in his mind right now. His heart is racing like a freight train. He fisted his sweaty hands as he continues to avoid the eyes of his bandmates.
“The chance to seek forgiveness…” he mumbled and shut his eyes when an image of Namjoon’s crying face flashed in front of his eyes.
“Yoongi/Hyung!”
Yoongi didn’t know that he is fully sobbing and his whole body is shaking when his member pounced at him and hug him in all directions. Yoongi hides his crying face in both of his hands and he can hear all the murmurs from the rest.
“Sorry – sorry – I’m sorry – this is all my fault – sorry – I’m the reason why –“ Yoongi cried and keeps on apologizing, making his friends hug his small body tightly and whispering nice words to him in order to cajole him. Yoongi was aghast at the attention given and he didn’t expect even Seokjin had been on his side.
Seokjin rubs the rapper’s back up and down, trying to pacify the said male. He feels a little bit guilty for scolding Yoongi before and seeing him have a breakdown like this had broken his heart. Yoongi is a little bit closeted about his emotion and rarely shown to everyone his true feeling. He always wanted Yoongi to be truthful on what he is thinking but it’s really hard for him and everyone to see his state right now.
“Shh, it’s okay Yoongi. We understand. Don’t blame yourself. Please…” Seokjin said as he continues to stroke Yoongi’s back. He can feel the tense on his body.
Yoongi cocked his head towards Seokjin, eyes were bloodshot, and lips trembled in agony. Seokjin bites his lips at the painful sight.
“Jin-hyung… I’m sorry – I’m sorry… I shouldn’t – I shouldn’t – Namjoon, he – he…”
Seokjin shakes his head and brings his hand to Yoongi’s face and wiped the tears away. “It’s okay, Yoongi. He’s going to be fine and – and when he comes back to us, you can apologize to him. You know how much he respects you and he would never hate you…”
Yoongi continues to sob listening to Seokjin’s words. “He – he’s going to be fine, right?” he asked timidly.
Seokjin inhaled a shuddering breath, taking his time for a moment before he nods tentatively. “Yyes – he’ll be fine…” and for saying such words had brought so much weighed on Seokjin’s shoulder. All of a sudden, he feels so scared imagining all the possibilities lies upon him.
What if it’s a mere sugar-coated word? What if Hakyon had done something worst to Namjoon? What if Namjoon is being hurt? What if Namjoon –
Seokjin sucked his breath from stating the worst that came to his mind. He closed his eyes and shakes his head, trying to delete all the negatives thought. He shouldn’t be thinking like that. He should have the faith that Namjoon is going to be alright. The police are looking for him now. They will find him and bring him back home – safe and sound.
“Hyu – hyung…”
Everyone turns towards Taehyung as his deep voice interrupted the conversation. He looks scared and his doe eyes were looking at the three of the eldest.
“What is it, Tae?” Seokjin asked, a little bit concerned.
Taehyung devours his anxiety before he speaks with a broken voice. “Wha – what happens if – if Joon-hyung reg – regressed into little space while being captured?” he asked with stutters.
All eyes widen in horror at instances. It has never been in their mind before because they were too occupied with the fact that Namjoon has been kidnapped. Now, after being mentioned by Taehyung, everyone couldn’t help with being scared and terrified.
What if Namjoon becomes a little? That doesn’t sound good at all. He might already scare right now. But if he regressed, the situation would become worst. They need to find Namjoon as soon as possible.
A loud bang echoed in the cabin, in the middle of the night in an unknown forest. It's harrowing.
The noise reverberated in the ears and rang out far over the hills. The explosive concussion of the discharge caused a pumping feeling in his head until his ears fully opened again.
Gunfire noise propagation is anisotropic. The sounds may be heard at greater distances in the direction of bullet travel than behind or beside the gun.
Seungjae’s body is shaking in fear. A cold sweat trickled on his forehead. His eyes widen in horror as he watched Hakyon holding the gun – a small smoke flowed from the tips of it.
Seungjae scrunched his nose in disgust at the smell of the gun powder. Despite all the horrifying views, his heart almost sunk to the pit of his stomach when he saw the stoic expression of Hakyon.
Seungjae’s dark eyes smoldering with resentment, staring into the subject of his gunshot. His lips twitched into a smirk before he burst into boisterous laughter, sounded creepy to Seungjae as he continues to watch the said male going berserk.
“Namjoon Namjoon Namjoon Namjoon…” Hakyon chanted with an amused voice. His eyes watched Namjoon the way a tiger watched a bunny; piercing and shallow.
“It’s fun to see you like this, like a little wounded bunny in a forest. Scared and helpless…” he muttered as his voice turn to deep and almost whispering. From where he is standing, gun in his hand, he can clearly see how much the shot affected Namjoon.
Namjoon was shaking terribly. Eyes were bloodshot and tears already broke free from the dam. His lips tremble and his breath ragged as his doe eyes staring at Hakyon with incredulity. Namjoon was too scared even to blink his eyes and his whole body frozen on the bed. He has no gut to move after Seungjae had released the fire a few minutes ago.
Seungjae flicked his eyes to the side, glancing at the hole on the pillow where he had wasted one of the bullets. But he has no regret in doing so because it will be a good warning for Namjoon that he is freaking serious of his threat. He brings back his attention to Namjoon and smirked.
“Next time, the bullet will be buried on your skull, Namjoonie…” he said coldly, still pointing the gun to Namjoon.
Namjoon holds his breath, clutching on the bedsheet tightly. His heart pounding erratically and he never felt so scared in his life like today. Hakyon looks so scary holding the gun and Namjoon didn’t know whether he is the same Hakyon he ever knows. The man in front of him doesn’t resemble his nice and kindhearted friend he used to know.
“Hyu – hyung… I thought – I – “
Hakyon turned his head as he heard the trembling voice belong to Seungjae. He scoffed when he noticed the pale complexion of the young man. “What?” he sneered.
Seungjae gulped. “We – we never discuss about – about this – that – that gun,” Seungjae wasn’t able to speak coherently since he’s still shaken up by the gunshot and how sinister Hakyon is right now. His eyes keep glancing on the gun, worried that Hakyon will shoot once again.
Hakyon brings back his gun to his side and rubbing his face roughly with his free hand as he groaned in frustration. He then glared at Seungjae, making the younger to flinch.
“I have my own plan and my own way, so I don’t need to inform you about everything. Just follow my lead and I’ll let you have your revenge for your brother. Understand?” he states with a fit of slight anger in his voice.
Seungjae nods his head quickly, terrified after he can see the glints of darkness in Hakyon’s eyes. His heart’s pounding like a blacksmith’s hammer in his chest. For once, Seungjae didn’t feel good about the whole plan of kidnapping Namjoon.
Hakyon rolled his eyes as he can see how much Seungjae’s is shaking after the shot has been fired. He didn’t know that Seungjae is a coward and a gun would’ve scared him so much.
“Are you – are you going – going to kill me?”
A traumatized voice interrupted the two and Hakyon averted his eyes to Namjoon. He raised one of his brows as he stares at Namjoon. The male look likes a kicked puppy and gravely affected with his early action.
Hakyon chided. “What do you think?” he asked in amusement as he played with the gun.
Namjoon shook his head. “Hak – Hakyon, please. Don’t do – don’t do something that you might regret. This – this is a crime and – and –“
“Do you think I care about that, Namjoon?” Hakyon cuts angrily.
“Why – why are you doing this to me?” Namjoon queried.
“Don’t act stupid, Namjoon! We are here because of you! Because you betrayed me and Seungwoon!”
Namjoon was taken aback at the accusation. He had been listening to the same thing since Hakyon kidnapped him, but he just couldn’t understand what kind of betrayal that Hakyon had repeatedly said to him.
“I’ve always on your side, Namjoon. When Seungwoon questioned your decision to become a trainee, to become an idol, I’ve been with you all the time, being the biggest supporter. I believe in you that you’ll never leave us. Even when Seungwoon can see through the real you, I still believe that you aren’t going to betray us…”
Namjoon was appalled at the statement, looking at Hakyon with disbelief. “I never – “
“You just did, Namjoon!” Hakyon screamed and pointed the gun to Namjoon once again.
Namjoon gasped in horror, clutching the bedsheet tightly and his body is shaking in fear. Afraid that Hakyon will pull the trigger for the second time. His heart still quaked at the first shot and he didn’t know if he can take the second one.
“You know how much we want to see you that night! You know how effort I had to put, to bring Seungwoon with me that night. But you – “ Hakyon grits his teeth in anger as the memory of the bloody night being refreshed in his mind.
“You ignored us the whole time, Namjoon! For what? Because you are too busy celebrating your idol life with your new friends. You make us look like a fool, standing on the hallway waiting for you just to be treated like trash!” he continues to lash out his disappointment.
Namjoon shakes his head vigorously and only stopped when it makes him dizzy. He grimaced in pain when a shooting pain attacks his head. He squeezed his head and hold it with both of his hands. He feels nauseous when a few blurry images invade his mind. He couldn’t understand what’s Hakyon is saying. He’s confused and now his head is throbbing painfully.
“You didn’t need us anymore because you have your new friends with you. Friends that can give you all the satisfaction and achievement that you always craved before. The one who can help your ambitious dream to become a popular idol. You abandoned us for your new friends because we are useless for you!” states Hakyon emotionally, dagger-glared at Namjoon with so much animosity.
“What – what are you talking about, Hakyon-ah? I don’t – don’t understand…” mumbled Namjoon desperately as he clenched his teeth in pain.
Hakyon almost screamed at Namjoon, angry at him for playing the innocent attitude. Hakyon grabbed one of Namjoon’s hands, yanked it forcefully making the male wince at his violent act.
“How long are you going to façade your evilness, Namjoon? Don’t act like you didn’t know about everything. Everything happened that night, the accident, Seungwoon’s death, it’s all your fault!” spats Hakyon while he put the gun in between of Namjoon’s brows.
Namjoon’s silently weep in shame as he slowly remembers what had happened that night. BTS just won their first award and while he is being engulfed with happiness, he forgets about Hakyon and Seungwoon, who had been waiting for him for a while.
“I’m sorry – I’m sorry – I’m sorry, Hakyon-ah…” Namjoon cried as he pleads his forgiveness. The burden he had carried all these years, the longing feeling and the guilt that had makes him forget about everything – now came back to him like a hurricane. It’s suffocating and Namjoon didn’t know how long he will be able to deal with the angst.
Hakyon let out a boisterous laugh, feeling amused at the statement. It took him a minute to let his whimsical laughter to die down before he throws a piercing gaze to Namjoon. Namjoon flinched at the amount of hates that he can feel from the stares.
“It couldn’t bring back Seungwoon from the dead. And do you know how much I had suffered after the incident? All the surgeries and the pain that I need to go through… Every single scar on my body will remind me of that night forever. It will haunt me every second and it won’t let me forget how much I had lost. My best friend and my life!”
“I’m sorry Hakyon-ah. I tried to find you, but they said you – you and your family had migrated to the oversea. I tried to find a way to communicate but I’ve exhausted all means. I’m sorry. I should’ve tried harder, sorry Hakyon…” Namjoon pleads in sorrow.
Hakyon pressed his gun to Namjoon’s forehead harder. “Don’t try to justify your actions, Namjoon. It will not change anything. It won’t change the fact that because of you, Seungwoon’s died and because of you I need to suffer!”
Namjoon yelped when Hakyon pushed him until he plunged on the bed. His head hits the headboard and making his headache worsen. Namjoon curled himself because the room is suddenly spinning, and bile starts to rise in his mouth. His stomach growling and he had the urge to puke.
“I had enough of you for today!” Hakyon spats in wrath. He then turned to Seungjae who had been watching the commotion all this while.
“Watch him carefully! I want to buy a few things. I’ll be back in an hour…” informed Hakyon as he glanced at Namjoon for a second. He scoffed seeing Namjoon in pain and left the room in a rush.
Seungjae released his breath in relief. He didn’t know for how long he had been holding his breath seeing how much violent Hakyon was while he’s talked to Namjoon.
Namjoon scrambled on the bed as he tried to get up. He covered his mouth with his hand and eyes quivering around, looking for something or somewhere that he can vomit.
“What is it?” Seungjae asked in irritation as he notices Namjoon’s panic state.
Namjoon groaned behind his hand. “I – I want to puke –“
Seungjae’s eyes widen in shock and quickly run towards Namjoon. “What? Uggh, do you have to puke now?” he asked, obviously annoyed. But still, he grabbed a dustbin nearby and hold it in front of Namjoon, just a second before Namjoon spews everything into it.
Seungjae scowled at the retching sound and the strong smell of it, scrunching his nose in disgust. “Eww, it’s gross!”
Namjoon let out everything until there’s nothing left inside his stomach. It hurts a lot and he couldn’t open up his eyes because of the dizziness. He laid back to the mattress on his side and curled himself in exhaustion. His body shivered out of coldness. Namjoon didn’t know he starts to sobs pathetically because he feels so drained and his whole body is hurting.
Seungjae makes sure that Namjoon has no chance to run away before he throws the dustbin outside the cabin. He refused to clean it up since he almost puked himself at the smell and it’s really sickening. When he entered the room again, he raised his brow as he listened to the small sobs emitted from Namjoon.
“Do you want to puke again?” asked Seungjae and he didn’t know why he is sounded like he’s concerned about the male.
Namjoon shakes his head weakly and continues to sob. He stares at Seungjae through his blurry vision and his lips trembled as he unexpectedly let out a loud cry while clutching his stomach.
“Joonie want daddy!”
Seungjae watched in shock and Namjoon wailed on the bed calling for his daddy.
“What the –“
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Chapter 46: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀
Notes:
heartsick
/ˈhɑːtsɪk/adjective;
dejected, very despondent, typically from grief or loss of love.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Daddy!"
Yoongi cocked his head to see Namjoon, now grinning jovially while his face was smudged with the blue icing. Namjoon then shows his hand, holding a piece of cake; ignoring how his hand is full of the icing too. Yoongi chuckles at the mess, but he allows the little to savor the cake as much as he wants to. It's his birthday after all.
"It's - it's dewishes, daddy!" exclaimed Namjoon and takes another bite sloppily.
Seokjin who had been watching the little instantly chided and takes a wet tissue to wipe Namjoon's dirty face. Namjoon whined when Seokjin seized his hand to prevent him from eating the cake further.
"What a mess, baby. You have the icing all over your face," Seokjin complaint, dismissing how Namjoon is now pouting. "And look at your hand!" Seokjin grunt when he saw how his hand been covered with the icing up to his elbow.
"But – but appa, Joonie wove cakie!" Namjoon whimpered. He then tried to eat the cake again, almost get to feel the sweetness of the cake on the tip of his tongue when Seokjin once again pulled his hand away. Namjoon whined louder, lips jutted in protest.
"Just let him be, Jin-hyung. It's his birthday..." Yoongi finally interrupted, feeling sorry for the little who tried to enjoy his birthday cake.
"He's been so eager to eat the cake, hyung..." added Hoseok, in agreement with Yoongi.
They were having a small party for Namjoon to celebrate his birthday today. Everyone is excited since it's the first time they were celebrating his birthday after the revelation of his little space. They had decorated the living rooms full of the balloon and a few cute accessories to suit little Joonie.
When Namjoon wakes up that morning, he squealed when he saw the colorful balloon and had been running throughout the house with Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung. They keep the little busy while Seokjin, Hoseok, and Yoongi went out to buy the birthday cake.
Namjoon bouncing happily when he saw the cake earlier. The cake with the shape of his favorite character, Ryan, had made him jumping cutely. Everyone was swooning over his adorable act before giving him a soft kiss on his cheek while wishing him a happy birthday.
Well, of course, a small incident arose later when Seokjin wants to slice the cake. Namjoon cried and refuse to let anyone eat the cake. Seokjin has to explain to the little one that it's okay to eat the cake since it's his birthday. Namjoon was reluctant to believe before Hoseok takes his Ryan plushy and give it to him.
"Ryan will be sad if Joonie didn't eat the cake." That's what Jungkook had said to Namjoon.
With that, Namjoon agrees for everyone to have a bite of the cake before claiming the rest was his. Refused to share with anyone. Seokjin doesn't happy to let the little to have the big amount of sweet, worried about his health but the rest had convinced him that Namjoon has to be happy on his birthday.
Seokjin sighed reminiscing the incident this morning and stares at the little. Namjoon was looking at him with his glassy eyes – almost cried after being deprived of eating the cake.
As much as Seokjin wished for the little Namjoon to preserve the table manner, he couldn't let himself to make him cry on his birthday. The lesson can be done on another day.
"Okay..." he conceded and loosen up his grip on Namjoon's hand.
Namjoon squealed with excitement and resume to devour his cake. "Thank – thank you, appa!" he said while munching the cake hungrily. The blue icing is so sweet, and he likes the taste of the blueberry jam inside the cake too.
Seokjin smiles and his hand moves towards Namjoon's hair. He affectionately ruffles the hair. "Slowly, baby. We don't want you to choke on the cake, right?" he reprimanded.
Namjoon hummed while he bobs his head. "O – otay..."
"You're going to clean up the mess, though..." Seokjin then pointed at Yoongi.
Yoongi was taken aback at the statement, staring back at Seokjin with a frown. "What?"
Seokjin rolled his eyes. "Since you are the one who let him have the cake to himself, so it's your responsibility to do it..."
Yoongi let out a small grunt and propped on the couch sluggishly. "Ugh, you're so pathetic, hyung. And Hoseok is involved in this too!" he mumbled in frustration and groaned further when he heard the laughter from the elder.
"Don't drag me in this. I only agreed with your suggestion..." Hoseok denies sheepishly. Trying to get away with the current situation.
"Serve your right, daddy..." Seokjin teased while he purposely emphasized more on the word 'daddy' to mock the rapper. And Hoseok laughed together with Seokjin, watching Yoongi's sullen face.
"Why daddy sad?"
Seokjin and Yoongi turned their head at the innocent question, notice how Namjoon is watching them with his confused face.
Yoongi immediately shook his head to deny, afraid if Namjoon got the wrong impression of their small argument. Well, more to disagreement than a confrontation.
"No, darling. I'm not sad. Daddy just feels tired..." Yoongi explained to the said male.
Namjoon eyes flickered between Seokjin, Hoseok, and Yoongi. "But – but daddy, we just sit – sit here. Joonie no pway yet..." said Namjoon.
"Well..."
"Daddy is an old man, Joonie. This party makes him lost all his energy," cuts Hoseok when Yoongi was about to give his reason.
Yoongi squinted his eyes towards Seokjin. "Yah, I'm not old!" he rebuts angrily.
Seokjin shrugged in a playful manner. "You're an old grumpy cat, Yoongi. Just admit it. You spend most of your time to take a nap and always complained if you have to do something that needs more than two limbs to work..." Seokjin further taunted.
"Daddy is – is a cat?" Namjoon asked, eyes wides open in amazed at the revelation. He's getting confused with the conversation and didn't have any clue that Seokjin and Yoongi are talking something nonsensical.
Namjoon gets up from his place and steps towards Yoongi. He looks at Yoongi, searching for something on his head before he furrowed. "But daddy has no ears! Did – did you hide it? Joonie wanna see daddy cat – cat ears!"
Seokjin let out a burst of whimsical laughter at Namjoon's innocence act while Yoongi grumbled incoherently under his breath. Hoseok had a small laugh from his seat as he watched the commotion.
"Yes, daddy. Show him your cat ears..." Seokjin keeps spilling nonsense while laughing, making his stomach to cramp a little.
"What the fu –"
"Yah, Min Yoongi!"
Yoongi covered his mouth with both of his hands as he almost cursed in front of Namjoon. Seokjin shoots a piercing gaze towards him and Yoongi cowered on the couch, intimidated at the sharp eyes. He silently said sorry to the elder, admitting his mistakes this time.
"You should watch your – "
"Joonie!!!!"
A loud screaming had saved Yoongi from Seokjin's lecture of the day. The four flinched at the brisk voice and turned their head to see Jungkook skipping happily to the living room with a stupid grin on his face. Then Jimin and Taehyung appeared behind Jungkook with a similar expression with the youngest.
"Let's play, Joonie!" said Jungkook in enthusiast.
Namjoon gasped. "Pway?? Joonie wanna pway, hyungie!" he said cheerfully, now start to bounce on his feet.
"Let's go to my room. We're going to play Mario Cart..." states Jungkook.
Namjoon nods for a few times, already excited to join with Jungkook. He stares at his dirty hand. He almost wiped his hand onto his onesie when Seokjin managed to grab his hand.
"Baby, what did I told you? Wash your hand at –"
"At – at the sink..." Namjoon answered apologetically. "Sowwy, appa..."
Seokjin sighed. He then moved his eyes at the maknae's direction. "Bring him to the sink and help him to wash his hand..."
"Yes, boss!" Jimin answered on behalf of Jungkook and Taehyung, giving a salute to the elder mischievously.
"Let's go, baby..." Taehyung shoved his hand forward for Namjoon.
Namjoon pouted cutely. "Up – up, oppa!" he lifted both of his hand, asking for Taehyung to pick him up instead of walking.
Taehyung grinned and immediately picked the little and huffed when Namjoon hogging him like a koala. Namjoon burst into a small giggle and let his caregiver holding him to the kitchen. He carefully placed his hand further, didn't want to make Taehyung's shirt got smeared with the icing.
"Did you enjoy your birthday, baby?" asked Taehyung while he helped to wash the little hand. Jungkook and Jimin went to the room to set up the game for Namjoon.
Namjoon nods. "Yes! Joonie bufday is – is the best!" he said cheerfully.
Taehyung chuckles at his antic. "You deserved the best, baby..." states him.
Namjoon grinned like a Cheshire cat and stares fondly at how Taehyung gently wiped his wet hand with a clean towel. He loves the little attention given by his caregiver to him. It makes his heart pounding with pride. Feeling genuine love from his bandmates.
"From now on, we will give you the best birthday ever every year..." Taehyung gushed and kissed on Namjoon's cheek, making the said male blush at his sudden gesture.
"Happy birthday, my darling Joonie...I love you!" Taehyung sang cheekily.
Namjoon put his hand to his mouth as he giggles cutely. "Joonie wove you too..."
'Joonie wove you too...'
'Joonie wove you -'
'Joonie wove -'
Taehyung sniffs as he stares at Namjoon's picture, wearing his favorite Koya's onesie – smiling up to his ear while the rest hugging him from all sides on his birthday. His tiny voice keeps on tinkering on his ears.
The memory still fresh in his mind and Taehyung couldn't help from being sentimental at this time. Namjoon had been missing for hours and the loneliness is unbearable.
Without knowing his whereabouts and his well-being, the string of his heart had been pulled with horrendous thought. He didn't want to be so pessimistic but no one knows what will Hakyon do to Namjoon. He is a dangerous man and Taehyung keeps praying that the police will find his Namjoon soon.
"Tae?"
Taehyung turned to see Jimin at the door frame. His tears rolled down automatically and Jimin quickly runs towards Taehyung and sits beside him on the bed.
"Jimin-ah...he - he'll be fine, right? He'll come back to us, right?" Taehyung raspy voice shaken as he looks at the picture again, softly caressing Namjoon's happy face.
Jimin's lip trembled as he had been overwhelmed with the same sorrow. He leaned his head on Taehyung's broad shoulder, sneaking a glance at the frame on Taehyung's hand. A drop of tear fall through his eyelashes.
"He will, Tae. He will..." His voice cracked and unconvincing. But he wants to believe what he had said. And he wants Taehyung to believe the same too.
Everyone is heartsick, worrying about their leader. They tried to be strong for each other but at the same time, they didn't know how to deal with it too. Everything is a mess. They just want their Namjoon back.
Namjoon didn't know when it starts. Maybe since he's awake in an unknown place. Or maybe when he finally realized that Sukhoon is Hakyon. Or maybe when all the memories about Seungwoon had hit him back. Or maybe when Hakyon pulled the trigger and it hits the pillow beside him.
Nevertheless, Namjoon knows it's not the right time for him to slip into a little space. He keeps on holding himself not to regress in front of Hakyon and Seungjae. He knows the consequences if he suddenly regressed in the little space. It will expose himself to danger, and he won't be able to defend himself when needed.
Little Joonie will be scared as hell. Little Joonie wouldn't know the effect if he throws a tantrum in front of bad people. Little Joonie didn't know that it's dangerous to regress without his caregivers. Little Joonie knows nothing. And Namjoon realized the fact as he continues to repress his little space under the severe circumstances.
Apart from that, Namjoon is scared. He tried not to show how much he is affected by the whole situation, but Namjoon is scared. He's been kidnapped and didn't know where's the place. He couldn't call for help because he didn't have his phone. Both of his hands and feet have been tied. His movement is constrained, and he can't escape easily.
He wonders whether the rest of the BTS member had noticed his disappearance or not by this time. And if yes, did they seek help? If yes again, then will the police manage to track him down and save him at the right time?
Namjoon shivered at the thought of the gunshot and it's buzzing sound on his ears. The eerie feeling when he looks at Hakyon's darken expression had lasted in his mind. Namjoon stares at his shaking hands, clutching on the sheet roughly. He's still shaken up by the unexpected shot, and he comprehends that Hakyon will not hesitate to shoot him for real next time.
Namjoon's heart was pounding erratically inside his rib cage, almost like it's going to explode due to the emotional stress. The thoughts that he's going to die in an unknown place is harrowing. He keeps thinking about his family, BTS as well as the army.
To die without saying a proper goodbye is devastating. Namjoon had never imagined that his life will end like this. He never had considered that his life will be taken away in such a brutal way. Moreover, the one who's responsible for his death is his best friend.
What kind of life is this?
Namjoon bits his lips when all the mixture of emotions starts to subjugate him. He wants to see his parent. He wants to see the army. And he wants to see his friends and brothers of BTS again. It's only a day separating from the six boys, but Namjoon missed them so much.
He didn't want to be here. He didn't like being away with his friend. He didn't like being in a place where there's no his caregivers. He didn't like to be around the bad people. He wants to go home where he can cuddle with everyone. He wants to go home where his favorite Ryan and Yaya were there on his bed. He wants to go home where everyone will give him a goodnight kiss.
Namjoon feels his head throbbed and his stomach churning wildly. When the bile crawling to his throat, he covered his mouth in panic. That's when Seungjae notices his situation and run to take the bin. Namjoon spews everything he had in the bin, ignoring the nasty smell as he holds onto the bin for dear life.
The emotional stress had affected his body, his head is in pain because of the inflicted injury by Hakyon, and he finally couldn't handle it anymore. He cried out loud, asking for his caregiver because he's too tired, and he needs someone to take care of him.
"Joonie wan daddy!"
Seungjae's mouth agape as he watched Namjoon crying while he curled like a ball on the bed. His brisk voice echoed in the cabin as he continues to call for 'daddy'.
"What the hell is happening?" he mumbled to himself, couldn't decipher why is Namjoon crying and why is he calling for his father.
"Joo – Joonie wan – wan daddy!" Namjoon said between his sobs. His hand clutched on his shirt around his stomach, feeling the cramp after the vomiting. He didn't feel good and his whole body is aching. The ropes on his hand and feet grazing his skin as he keeps moving. He scrunched his face at the stinging sensation.
Seungjae scratched his head in confusion, a bit lost as what he's supposed to do right now. He couldn't understand what's happened to Namjoon, and he is freaking out. Especially when Namjoon continues to wail non-stop. Even though they were in the middle of the forest, Seungjae still needs to be cautious if there's someone nearby.
"Namjoon? Hey, what – what do you want? Are you hurt? Did you feel sick anywhere?" Seungjae asked in a panic. He advanced towards the bed slowly.
Namjoon coughed in between his cries. "No! No! Joonie wan – wan daddy!!" he shook his head vigorously when he noticed Seungjae is coming towards him.
Seungjae couldn't read the hint and tried to touch his arm. "You should stop crying. If not – if not I need to cover your mouth with –"
Namjoon eyes expand in shock as the male stands nearby his feet. Namjoon immediately jumbled on the bed, moving his body to the end of the bed like a scared cat.
"No – no – no – no – Joonie wan – wan daddy. No meanie hyungie – " Namjoon pleads with his tiny voice. Namjoon hugged his knees, pressed it to his chest as his body continue to tremble in horror.
Seungjae groaned in frustration dealing with Namjoon's weird behavior. "Please don't be silly, Namjoon-hyung. I have no time to play any game with you!" he scoffs at the elder, running out his patience.
Little Namjoon wiped his tears with his clothed arm, looking at the stranger through his wet eyelashes. "Where – where's daddy? Joonie – Joonie scawed..." he asked timidly, tears still dribble to his chubby cheek.
Seungjae glared at the male. "Why are you doing this to me? Are you trying to torture me now since Hakyon-hyung is not here?" he questioned with an accusatory tone.
"Joonie wan daddy!!" Namjoon shrieked as he glared back at the male. He was breathing hard and his face was red due to the crying as well as the frustration that the stranger refuses to call his daddy. He was oblivious to the fact that Seungjae does not know his little space.
Seungjae gritted his teeth at the sudden outburst. He climbed the bed and grabbed one of Namjoon's tied hands roughly. Namjoon yelped at the sudden act.
"I don't know what is wrong with you but stop doing something stupid! I'm not less than Hakyon. You didn't want to make me angry, Kim Namjoon!" threatened Seungjae furiously.
Namjoon winced in pain when Seungjae tightened his grips on his hand. "Joo – Joonie scawed..." he mumbled through his sobs. Eyes dangled down as he is too afraid to look at Seungjae. "Joonie wan daddy. Joonie wanna go home..." he whispered sadly. He then lifted his gaze to meet with Seungjae's red eyes. "Can – can hyungie send – send Joonie home?" he asked innocently.
Seungjae blinked his eyes at the sudden request, staring at Namjoon with aw-shucks. He was beyond confused as to what is happening right now and he didn't know how to explain how he felt about it. Namjoon is acting differently and for some bizarre reason, Seungjae's heart skipped a bit when he meets with Namjoon shiny doe eyes.
"Hyung – hyungie?" Seungjae stutters at the new nickname. He slowly loosens up his grip on Namjoon's wrist. When he sneaks a glance, he notices how red his wrist because of the rope and his action before.
Namjoon nods curtly. "Hyungie hewp Joonie? Joonie no wike here. Hyungie hewp, wight?"
Seungjae gnawed his lips as Namjoon talked with a cute voice even though it's sounded a little shaky, might be still scared of Seungjae. "I – I don't understand..." he said because of the accent used by Namjoon.
Namjoon huffed and pouted. "Hyungie –" Namjoon pointed at Seungjae. "Joonie –" he pointed at himself. "He – help – Joonie go home..." he strives to speak coherently, emphasizing the words with a clear pronunciation for Seungjae to understand.
Seungjae mouthed a silent 'ah', now fully understand what had been said by the male before. Seungjae then shakes his head and speaks. "No, you can't go home..."
Namjoon gasped and his lips start to tremble again. "Why?"
Seungjae takes a deep breath. "You – you need to stay here for a while..."
Namjoon jiggles his head. "No, Joonie wanna go home. Joonie miss daddy! And – and Joonie wanna see appa, papa, Tae-oppa, dada, and hyungie...."
Seungjae listened to the rambling with a deep sigh. He didn't know anyone who had been mentioned by Namjoon just now. He's still confused as to why Namjoon is acting that way. But Namjoon's request is impossible.
"No, you can't. Whosoever you said just now, you can't see them for a while..." he refutes.
A small sob slipped through Namjoon's lip. "Hyungie is meanie!"
Seungjae let out a frustrating groan. "Silence! Don't you dare to cry!" he scolded. His body starts to feel lethargic after all the off-putting bustle yesterday. He wants to get rest for tonight before he can do whatever Hakyon has been planned for them tomorrow. Which remains a mystery to him.
Namjoon flinched at the shouting. But the threats had makes him cry louder than before. He kicked the sheet, throwing a tantrum while he keeps calling his daddy. Seungjae watched the immature behavior with bitterness.
"Yah! Why are you doing this to me? What do you think of me, huh? Stop acting like a sick man!" Seungjae rebuked, almost losing his mind.
"Joonie wan daddy! No wan hyungie! Meanie hyungie! Joonie no wike!"
"This is ridiculous!" Seungjae muttered to himself. He then opens the drawer beside the bed, reaching for the black tape before he climbed on the bed where Namjoon is throwing a tantrum.
Seungjae pulled out the tape, making a screeching sound and managed to gain Namjoon's attention. He looks at Seungjae with a puzzled look and when Seungjae tried to put the tape on his mouth, Namjoon struggled to escape.
"No! No!" he screamed, totally frightened.
"Shut up!! I had enough of you and your stupid cry!" he sneered. Seungjae pushed the male and pinned him on the bed forcefully.
Namjoon was too tired that he wasn't able to put a fight. He just wailed as loud as he can when Seungjae struggling to put the tape on his mouth as he dodged his head violently.
"Stop moving, stupid!"
"Daddy!!! Hewp Joonie! Appa!"
"What the hell is happening here?"
Seungjae jerked at the intrusion and cocked his head to see Hakyon is looking at him with sharp eyes. Seungjae gulped and slowly moved away from the bed, bringing together the tape and hide it to his back.
"No - nothing, hyung. I just – just try to make him stop crying..." Seungjae stutters.
Hakyon peered over Namjoon with furrowed brows.
"Joonie scared... hewp Joonie pwease..." sobs Namjoon while he curled himself in fear, shaking like a leaf.
Hakyon watched in stunned before his lips twitched into a smirk. "Well - well – well. What we have here? Isn't this going to be fun, Joonie?" he said with a malicious tone.
Then he let out a loud laugh, booming in the cabin with no cares that someone might hear him. Seungjae's jaw dropped as he listened to Hakyon, gawking at him bewildered. He then glanced at crying Namjoon for a second before he had his eyes on Hakyon again. He shivered when he noticed the malice on his face. Hakyon is scheming something again and Seungjae doesn't feel good at that.
What now?
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Notes:
It takes me a while to finish this. I've been considering a lot on the plot and I hope this is worthy. My lazy ass doesn't wanna rewrite everything again. I've been doing it for the past 2 weeks so I had enough. 😌
I hate this chapter but at the same time, I love it. So take it or leave it. 😆
Ramadhan always makes me tired at night so most of the time I just lay down and do nothing until I fall asleep lol.
Did you realize there're only five chapters left? 🤭🤭
Chapter 47: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙎𝙄𝙓
Notes:
WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF BLOOD, INJURY, AND MINOR CHARACTER'S DEATH
READ WITH EXTRA CAUTION
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Joonie wan daddy!!"
The voice of the desperate cry rebounds in the room, while everyone was on the edge watching in horror.
"Aww, you want your daddy, huh? Then you have to tell him by yourself, Namjoon..." the sarcastic tone of Hakyon can be heard.
"Daddy -" Namjoon sobs. "Daddy - hewp - hewp Joonie -" he begins to hiccup. "Joonie scawed -" he whimpered in sorrow as he squirmed his body, shaking like a leaf.
A few growls can be heard, seething at the hollow pleas. They watched in despair how dishelved the little was. The tear-jerked face was red and smudged with snots. His eyes swollen due to the non-stop crying. He looks exhausted laying on the bed, bawling his eyes out; weeping and hiccupping painfully.
Hakyon shifted closer to Namjoon, zooming the camera to Namjoon's face. He let out an amused chuckle, looking at how miserable Namjoon is right now. It's the utmost satisfaction for him to be able to see the proud and great young man, now looking so vulnerable and weak.
"Poor Joonie. He wants his daddy -" he paused for a second before he turned the phone to his face, grinning like an idiot. "But his daddy hates him, isn't that right, Yoongi?" he taunted and then exploded into a peal of loud laughter.
Yoongi grits his teeth at the mentioned of his name. He can sense the other members were looking at him through his peripheral vision. But his eyes still on the screen in front of him - playing the video.
This morning, when Seokjin was about to get out of the dorm for a quick breakfast take-out (because he's too stressed to cook), he found a small box on the floor. He took it hesitantly, scowling in confusion before he saw a small pen drive in it. Seokjin then called out the rest and they start to pile up on the living room with questionable looks.
Seokjin didn't say anything to them and quickly put the pen drive to the smart tv they've just bought the last two months. Seokjin moves toward the couch and sits beside Yoongi before he pressed the play button.
And everyone was outraged when they saw Namjoon on the screen - obviously crying, laying on the bed with both of his hands and feet been restrained. Everyone just lost their mind at the painful sight.
"Da - daddy..."
Yoongi got teary eyes at the dreadful tone, looking at the screen with a tug on his heart - being helpless that he can't be there for Namjoon.
"If you're wondering why I'm doing this, Yoongi -" Hakyon said as he dragged his voice deliberately to tease the rapper. He smirked to the camera before he moves it to Namjoon and back to his face again. "It's because of you," he further announced.
Yoongi arched his brows in confusion at the sudden confession. "Me?" he murmured while the others were surprised at the revelation.
"Namjoon is my friend, my best friend before he is yours..." states Hakyon, and his smug face shifted to something unreadable but darken with the glint of horridness. "But when he joined BigHit and met with you, he had forgotten about me and Seungwoon. He left us because of you, Min Yoongi..." Hakyon stares at the camera as if he's staring directly at Yoongi.
Yoongi lips split up a little bit with an aw shuck, gawking at the screen that still displaying the emotionless face of Hakyon.
"Wha - what? That's ridiculous! That is so stupid!" Yoongi yelled in anger because he couldn't believe himself that Hakyon had been harboring revenge for something trivial.
Just because Namjoon become his friend? What is this? Some sort of friendship drama of teenage girls?
"Well, in case you still didn't entirely understand because you're too stupid to guess why I'm doing this. You make Namjoon forget me and Seungwoon. You had manipulated Namjoon to become an idol and make him change his mind about hip hop. He never wanted to become an idol. Namjoon hates idol life. But since he met you, he neglected us and break our promise. He had become someone else and that is because of you..." Hakyon told to the camera.
Yoongi clutched both his hand in wrath as he listened to Hakyon's reasoning. It sounded absurd to him and Hakyon is being a pathetic ass that feels bitter for Namjoon's successful life as an idol. Hakyon just couldn't accept that Namjoon had chosen a different path in music and Hakyon had considered his new passion as a betrayal.
That's total bullshit!
"Soooo..."
Namjoon's cried harder when Hakyon grabbed a handful of his hair, coercing him to face the camera. His head rolled in an awkward position and Hakyon chuckles evilly. Yoongi shot up from his seat when he saw the violence but later feel someone's hand had been snatching his wrist. Yoongi turned to see Seokjin, eyes red as he shed the tears.
"So, I want you to experience the feeling when someone had taken away your friend..." Hakyon confessed.
"I'm going to kill you!" Yoongi screamed but he knows it's a futile attempt because Hakyon couldn't hear his voice. However, Yoongi is confident that Hakyon can read how he will react to the video.
"Yoongi..." Seokjin tugged on his hand, trying to calm the said male even though he couldn't contain his sorrow and anger at Hakyon's evil deeds.
"Aww, look at this little shit..."
Yoongi and Seokjin tilted their heads to the screen again. When the camera is closer to Namjoon's face, everyone can see the bruises on it. His lips were busted and there's a trail of dried blood on the side of his head. To see their leader, their baby in such a devastating state makes their heart sunk to the pit of their stomach immediately. The anger is bubbling, and they were on the verge of blowing up the rage.
Hakyon will pay for this! They'll make sure Hakyon will regret whatever he had done to Namjoon.
"Say something to your daddy, Joonie..." Hakyon heckled the male as he jerked his hair to the back forcefully.
Namjoon grimaced in pain, slowly opened his swollen eyes, and stares at the camera. His lips quivered and continue to sob. "Da - daddy..."
"Joonie..." everyone said in unison, calling for their baby in anguish.
"Joonie - Joonie wanna go home... pwease daddy... hewp Joonie..."
"Yes, daddy! Please help little Joonie...." Mocked Hakyon with a peal of evil laughter, amused at the innocent plea. He looked into the camera again. Within a second his face turns deadly serious, raising one of his brows before he speaks maliciously. "I won't let you have him again, Min Yoongi!"
A smirk from Hakyon and then the screen turns to black. The video has ended brusquely.
"That motherfucker!" Yoongi hissed in anger. Eyes boring into the screen with so much hatred that he wants to lunge into the screen, grabbing the crazy male and punched his face until no one can recognize him anymore.
Seokjin wasn't able to say anything, being horrified to watch the scene. His tears cascade down through his long eyelashes, too shocked to say a word. Hoseok and Jimin had been crying since they first saw Namjoon when they played the video. Calling for Namjoon even though they know that he can't hear them.
Taehyung eyes fixated on the screen, watching intensely while he fisted his hands into a tight ball. The knuckles had turned to white and his palms now redden as the nail brushed on it. But the pain is nothing to compare with what Namjoon is going through right now.
Taehyung just wants to engulf the leader into a skintight hug, saying that everything is going to be okay. However, he realized it's just a mere talk. Namjoon is suffering alone, hurting with no one on his side. It makes his stomach flipped at the failure of protecting his leader.
Jungkook sees red. From the first second of the video, Jungkook couldn't sit still. When he heard how terrified Namjoon is, Jungkook screamed furiously making the rest jump on their seat. The maknae almost break the tv if Hoseok didn't haul him away from the expensive thing.
Jungkook huffed in defeat but has no intention to put a fight with Hoseok. He just couldn't control his temper at the moment. He just wanted to kill Hakyon for treating Namjoon cruelly.
"We - we have to call the detective..." Seokjin voice cracked in the silence.
Jimin and Taehyung instantly nod their head in agreement. They almost forgot the most significant thing to do at the critical hour. Being too busy with their emotional breakdown instead of acting in a realistic way to save Namjoon.
"I - I'll call him..." volunteered Hoseok when there's no one seems to move to initiate anything. They can't just sit still at this moment because Namjoon is in danger and the police should be informed about the new piece of information.
"Do you think Namjoonie will be happy to see us?"
Hakyon looks at Seungwoon with a wide smile on his face. "Of course, Woonie-ah. He'll be happy to see us. To see you. You know how much he misses you?" he said with an energetic voice. They were in a cab, heading towards the show's venue.
Seungwoon sighed. Not that he doesn't believe Hakyon's words, but he was skeptical about his presence at the award show. He had been avoiding Namjoon since the said male joined BigHit to become an idol. He was mad at Namjoon for leaving him and Hakyon just to woo his dream in music. He was mad because Namjoon decides to become an idol instead of staying true to himself - fighting for hip hop.
Seungwoon knows he was selfish all these while. He feels bitter that Namjoon got the chance to become a trainee, not him or Hakyon. Seungwoon was disappointed that he didn't get a similar opportunity. It's been his dream to do music and to become a popular hip hop artist - together with Hakyon and Namjoon. It's their dream to pursue their music career together.
Therefore, when it's only Namjoon had been given the chance to do so, Seungwoon was upset. He believes that he's talented as Namjoon. But why it's only Namjoon, then? Seungwoon couldn't condone the failure and he blames Namjoon for everything. It's an easy way to escape from his self-loathing. He chose to despise Namjoon for his inability. It's childish but Seungwoon didn't care about it at that material time. It was satisfying.
When the time goes by and he had been watching Namjoon become an idol and how he had been striving with BTS when they debuted before they finally become a successful idol - Seungwoon was proud of him. He can see how much effort has been put by his friend and how much hardship he has been enduring; Seungwoon was happy for him.
But he was embarrassed at his own demeanor and being self-conscious to even call Namjoon and congratulate him for his achievement. He was doubtful that Namjoon will refuse to talk to him or worst come to worst; Namjoon hates him. What if Namjoon didn't consider him as his friend anymore? The thoughts alone make Seungwoon to coward and he decided not to get in touch with Namjoon.
As such, Seungwoon was surprised when Hakyon come to see him and said that Namjoon had sent the invitation to the award - to both of them. Seungwoon was happy that Namjoon had never forgotten about him and realized that he is the one who had been pessimistic about their strong friendship.
That's why on that day he was elated to see Namjoon and even prepared himself to apologize for being childish towards Namjoon before. He wants to rekindle back their friendship and being the biggest supporter of Namjoon as the leader of BTS. Seungwoon had planned a lot of things that night, imagining how happy Namjoon to see him at the show and how they will be talking to each other, joking around like the good old days.
"I can't believe he treats us like shit!"
Hakyon was pissed off that night after Namjoon didn't come to see them as promised. Seungwoon sighed and placed his hand on top of Hakyon's. "He might be busy, Hakyon-ah. BTS just won the award and lots of people were going to congratulate them. He might be stuck with those people..." Seungwoon said calmly.
Seungwoon didn't know how he managed to handle the situation calmly than Hakyon. He can see himself acted like Hakyon right now if it's in the past, but Seungwoon had promised himself to be more understanding and try to give Namjoon the chance to explain himself later.
"Busy? That's so stupid, Woonie! He invited us and now he just abandoned us like that!? So, what if he just won the award? He can't be acting so high just because of that! We are not some of his stupid fans! We're his friend, Woonie! We deserved better than this shit!" cursed Hakyon, obviously couldn't contain his anger and frustration of what's just happened behind the scene.
Seungwoon huffed. Of course, he is disappointed with the whole situation but at the same time, he kind of understands Namjoon's part too. "Just tell him that we will meet him later..." he said.
Hakyon pulled his hand from Seungwoon's grip and stares at him incredulously. "Why are we going to meet him again after what he had done to us? Aren't we had enough of his bullshit? You are right, Woonie. All this while, you are right about him. He forgot about us already. He didn't care about us anymore. We are no longer his friend! He had a new friend. Friends that can bring him the success he ever dreams off. We can't give him anything! We can't be like Min Yoongi that will help him to be an idol! We are nothing compared to that asshole!" lashed Hakyon, rambling nonsensical while his hand flailed on the air mindlessly.
"Hakyon, calm down. You're talking nonsense right now. Namjoon never -"
"Don't say you had forgiven him, Seungwoon?" retorts Hakyon, eyes glaring at his friend in animosity.
Seungwoon let out a deep breath. "Hakyon, he never did something wrong to me. I'm the ignorant one..." he explained.
Hakyon frowned at the statement, squinting his eyes questioningly. "Are you saying that you didn't hate him because he is now a famous idol?" he asked with an accusatory tone.
Seungwoon groaned at the allegation. "Please, Hakyon. Don't be bitter about this. And you're acting like me now. You're the one that keeps saying to me that Namjoon will never forget about us. You're the one that has faith in him, right? Why are you saying the other way right now?" he replied with a slightly annoyed tone.
Hakyon rolled his eyes. "Because finally, I realized that whatever you think about him is true..."
Seungwoon shakes his head, disagree with the statement. "No, Hakyon. It's not the truth. I just realized my mistake and I don't want you to do the same as mine. Let's talk about this with Namjoon, okay? Give him the chance to explain tonight. We didn't know the real situation..." he gushed, didn't want Hakyon to further misunderstand Namjoon. He had been doing that for so long and nothing good comes out from that but regrets. Hence, he didn't want Hakyon to go through the same thing too.
"Whatever it is, I hate Min Yoongi! I can see how Namjoon being clinging to him all the time!" Hakyon states firmly, crossing his arm to his chest.
"Hakyon-ah, that's -"
Seungwoon didn't manage to finish his sentence when he heard the screeching from his left. His eyes widen in horror when he saw a large truck skidded on the road - heading towards them. Seungwoon screamed his lung out, grabbing Hakyon on his side and hugging him tightly before his body can feel the harsh impact. The vehicle rolled on the road a few times before it's finally stopped - fully wrecked.
Seungwoon scrunched his nose when he can smell the blood and his mouth is full of the taste of copper. Something is pressing his chest and when he coughed, the blood spurted out. He tried to move his body, but he can't feel it at all. He searched for Hakyon through his blurry eyes, but he can't see him in the dark. He attempted to call him, but his voice got stuck on his throat. Seungwoon contorts in discomfort when another wave of pain hits his chest. He can't breathe!
Everything goes in a slower motion. He can hear the sound of people chattering around him, a bright light from the side, a smell of the smoke as well as the smell of the burning road. Seungwoon tried to keep his eyes open when he caught the sight of his blood oozing out from his head - falling onto his face gradually. He inhaled heavily but the air didn't reach his chest and he let out a rough cough. He coughed and coughed until the blood starts to fill in in his mouth.
He gargled, disgusted at the nasty taste but he can't do anything about it. His eyes quivered restlessly before the darkness slowly came and covering his vision. He intakes the last breath before his whole body becomes limp. He couldn't feel anything except the numbness. He never wakes up from his deep sleep that day.
And then the vehicle explodes.
"He might forgive you, Namjoon. But I won't forget how you had treated us that night. How you had abandoned us for your new friend..." Hakyon said with a grim voice, staring at Namjoon.
Namjoon blinked his eyes in confusion. His face still wet with tears and a few sniffles can be heard from him. "Why are you doing this, Hakyon?" he asked. It's been a handful day last night when he accidentally slipped into little space.
Namjoon didn't realize what's happening but he just couldn't control himself anymore. The emotional distress had been torturing him since the day he had been kidnapped by Hakyon. Then, the revelation about Seungwoon's death and Hakyon real identity had taken a major toll on his conscious mind.
Namjoon barely remembered his little space but he knows there must be something bad happened. He had a vague memory of Seungjae screaming at him and how Hakyon had been talking to someone? He wasn't so sure about it but Namjoon is confident that he had heard Hakyon mentioned Yoongi.
Did he call him? For what? Was he asking for a ransom?
Namjoon didn't have the answer and he bet Hakyon won't give him any too. He had fallen asleep due to the fatigue and when he wakes up this morning, Hakyon was staring at him creepily from his side.
Hakyon shrugged at the question. "As I said, I want to make you suffer. I want you to feel like how I feel when I lost my friend..."
Namjoon frowned. "But Seungwoon is my friend too, Hakyon," he quickly retorts.
Hakyon scoffs at the speech. "Friend? What kind of friend who had abandoned his own friend?" he alleged with resentment in his voice.
Namjoon shook his head. "I never abandoned him or you. Both of you are my best friends. You know how much I love you and Seungwoon, how much I treasured our friendship..." he said with a shaken voice.
Hakyon peered over Namjoon who had been sitting on the bed, leaning his upper body on the headboard. "Love? Fake love, maybe. If you really love me then why did you leave us like a fool that night Namjoon? Because you were too busy celebrating with your friends? Your new friends, not us!" he sneered in anger.
Namjoon shut his eyes, taking a deep breath before he slowly opens his eyelids. "I'm sorry, Hakyon. I'm sorry for whatever I had done. But - but I never thought that you and Seungwoon will leave that place so soon. I'm waiting for you two to come. I had prepared everything that night so we can meet. I want to see you and Seungwoon. I want to let you see my new friends so that both of you can be friends with them too..." Namjoon explained as his tears rolled down to his pale face.
Hakyon raised his brows at the declaration before he laughed out loud. "Namjoonie -" he trailed off for a second, letting his laughter to die down a little bit and continue to speak,
"Who are you trying to fool with? I'm not stupid like Seungwoon. Until his last breath, he believed in you. Well, I used to too, but what did you do then? You treat us like shit. I won't forget the humiliation you had caused to me and Seungwoon. I won't forget you are the reason why Seungwoon died and the reason why I'm like this..." he talked venomously.
Namjoon sighed in defeat, didn't know how to clarify the misunderstanding anymore. He knows, whatever he said right now, Hakyon will never accept it. He had been blinded with hatred and seeking revenge, so he won't listen to any of his explanations.
"Then what do you want me to do, Hakyon-ah?" he asked.
Hakyon lips twitched into a smirk, conspicuously gawking at Namjoon with an unknown scheme.
Namjoon shuddered at the expression.
"I want Min Yoongi to feel the same as me when I lost my best friend..." Hakyon said with an evil smile plastered on his face.
Namjoon lips parted, shell shocked at the mentioned of Yoongi. "Yoongi? This has nothing to do with him. Why are you -"
"It does!" cuts Hakyon angrily. "He is the reason why you ditched us, Namjoon. He is the reason why you left us that night. He is the reason for everything! You said he is your best friend. He inspired you to make better music. He is the friend you'll look for comfort. He's everything to you!" Hakyon spats.
Namjoon brows creased in further confusion. "He - he was there for me when I was stressed about the training. And - and he's being with me when we were anxious after we debuted. I considered him as my hyung that - that I can turn to whenever I was down - when - when I can't reach for you and Seungwoon. But - but it doesn't mean I had forgotten about us, about our friendship, Hakyon-ah..."
Hakyon didn't say anything for a while. He seems in a daze and is thinking about something. He blankly stares at the wall behind Namjoon, brows furrowed, and his eyes glints into something unknown.
"Then should I get rid of him?" suggest Hakyon suddenly.
Namjoon gasped and his eyes expand in fear. "Wha - what do you mean?" he stuttered.
"If I am important to you more than him, then you have no problem if I kill him, right?" Hakyon said venomously.
Namjoon shook his head. "No - no, Hakyon-ah. Please, don't do this. He - he is innocent. He has nothing to do with this. It's me - it's me! It's all my fault. So please, don't - don't hurt him..." Namjoon plead.
Hakyon grits his teeth, outraged hearing the begs from the male. He moves forward, approaching Namjoon slowly. Namjoon trembled at his sudden gesture, tried to scoot away but he's already trapped on the wall. Hakyon climbed the bed and immediately grabbed the male's cheek. He ignored how harsh his act was and how Namjoon had yelped in pain. It doesn't matter to him.
"Look at you, Namjoonie. You're afraid that I'll hurt him, begging me to save his ass. But you just said to me that I'm your friend. Why are you lying, Kim Namjoon?" he whispered with a low and deep turn, bringing the fear to the male.
Namjoon jerked when Hakyon squeezed his grip on his face harder, unable to speak to explain himself. His eyes got teary at the forceful act, but he couldn't do anything to stop Hakyon from hurting him since both of his hands still been tied down. He was powerless.
Hakyon chided when he saw the tears on Namjoon's face, feeling annoyed to watch how weak the male was acting in front of him. He put his hand down and had a smug face when he saw the red marks on Namjoon's cheeks. He always enjoys himself whenever he imposed the pain over Namjoon. It's self-satisfaction that he managed to seek revenge.
"I'll do anything you want, Hakyon. I'll do everything you ask as long as you - you didn't hurt him or the others..." said Namjoon feebly, trying to bargain with Hakyon for the sake of his bandmates.
"Anything?" Hakyon inquired with an amused voice, evidently pleased to hear such an offer from Namjoon.
Namjoon gulped before he nods his head. "Anything..." he answered but he wasn't convinced with his own decision.
What kind of 'anything' that he's willing to do for his bandmates? What kind of 'anything' that Hakyon will ask from him? What if 'anything' becomes 'everything' and he regrets to ever proposed such a thing to Hakyon.
"Well, then..."
Namjoon flinched.
"Leave BTS..."
Namjoon was appalled at the request, gawking over Hakyon bewildered.
"And stay with me..."
Namjoon fretted.
"...forever..." Hakyon ends his words with a smirk.
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Notes:
Have you expected the side story of Seungwoon? I always want to write on Seungwoon's POV because it brings the story together, a closure for Namjoon on what was on Seungwoon's mind at the night of the incident.
Basically, Hakyon's revenge is more to his own hatred and bitterness. There's nothing to do with Seungwoon. Despite I've been showing to you Seungwoon's bad image, I want this kind of plot twist. Well, I think there's a lot of plot of twist in this book though.
I hope you like how the story goes.
And, for the upcoming chapters (since we are towards the end of the story), more angst and unexpected scene, so be prepared. I'll put the warning before you can start reading so you'll know what to expect (maybe)
See you in the next chapter 💜
Chapter 48: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉
Notes:
swansong /ˈswɒnsɒŋ/
noun
a metaphorical phrase for a final gesture, effort, or performance given just before death or retirement
𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 : MENTIONED OF MEDICAL TERMS AND PROCEDURES, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AND VIOLENCE
READ WITH EXTRA CAUTION
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hakyon has been always an exceptional kid. He couldn’t blend well with his other friends. He’s introvert and socially awkward. He couldn’t muster up the courage to speak up in front of a stranger and he’d freaking out if someone tries to talk to him. He didn’t have the great social skill and that makes him hard to make friends.
He was a cheerful kid at first before his father died when he was three. He then lives together with his mother, depending on her most of the time – making him overly attached to his mother. She used to say to him that they didn’t need anyone in their life, and they will survive the ordeal after the death of his father. Hakyon believes his mother.
It was five years later when his mother decided to get married again. Hakyon was devastated and feels betrayed. His mother had forgotten the promise. He thought his mother doesn’t need anyone but him. She always said Hakyon is the only one she needs, and they will be together forever.
But then why did his mother need someone else? Why did his mother say she had fallen in love? Why did his mother say she need a man beside her? Why did his mother say that she loves him and that man too? Why can’t she choose one person to love? Why can’t she love him till the end of the time?
Hakyon hates his stepfather. For him, he had taken away the most important person in his life. Their relationship was cold and harsh. Hakyon couldn't bring himself to talk to him for more than ten words. He just keeps himself locked up in his room. And his stepfather didn't bother to be kind to him too. They despise each other.
Hakyon never likes school. For him, school is full of hypocritical people. The student who had been praised for their beauty and intelligence – sucking around the teachers and making themselves favorable. The student who didn’t care about the rules and regulations, doing weird stuff at school, and even had their own gang – being territorial.
Then there are some students who pretend to be nice in front of everyone but being bitching about people they hate behind them. A student who just doing their thing without cares about others and the student who had been bullied just because they were some sort of geeks or nerds.
Hakyon found out it is hard for him to be at school. He didn’t have any friends because they think he is weird. Hakyon always a loner and because of that, he is subjected to being bullied. It is concerning when he always gets home with nasty bruises on his face and body.
But Hakyon says nothing about it until the school gives a call to his mother one day. Hakyon involved in a fight with one of his bullies. Hakyon never had any problem with discipline before but to be involved in a fight is far than worst. His mother didn’t take the issues really well. After seeing how bad his son had been beaten up, she decided to pull him out of the school.
Hakyon never resisted or say anything. In fact, Hakyon had always been distanced after she remarried. She didn’t know how to handle the sensitive teen, decided to let him deal with his own emotion at that time. She thought Hakyon will come around and will understand the situation better.
But she was proven wrong. The gap between them getting bigger through times and she didn’t know how to talk to Hakyon anymore. Hakyon becomes more aggressive and distant. He needs to be home-schooled because it’s hard for him to blend with the other student.
She put the blames on herself for neglecting him when he needs her the most. She didn’t know her second marriage will affect him so much. It makes her own relationship with her husband turn to sour after she had been spending most of her time on Hakyon again. He becomes closer to her like before, cling to her like a toddler – following her around.
“Your son is sick! He needs help!” her husband yelled at her one day after Hakyon didn’t let him be with her even for a minute. He had enough of his antics and he just had the outburst out of frustration.
After three years of marriage, constant argument, and bickering, she decided to get a divorce. She loves her husband, but she loves her son more. She might have abandoned him before, so she won’t do the same again. Even if it’s mean she had to leave her husband. Hakyon is everything to her. She will do anything for him. Hakyon needs her and she didn’t want to neglect her son again.
She notices the odd behavior of her son and brings him to meet with the doctor; a psychiatrist. She didn’t want Hakyon to live in his own world. A world where all the negatives thought keep lingering him. She didn’t want Hakyon to become more depressed and do something unthinkable. She just wants Hakyon to live a normal life, like the other teenagers.
It was borderline personality disorder, a serious mental health condition that impacts the moods and relationships of the affected person. A person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive. These individuals often fear being left alone and have deep feelings of worthlessness.
Individuals with this disorder often feel unwanted and easily discarded. This feeling of being unwanted and easily discarded may result in frantic attempts to avoid any perceived abandonment. Often, these individuals cling to a partner quickly and intensely.
Hakyon was bewildered when he heard the prognosis from the doctor. He didn't see himself having a mental illness. He was scared at first, thinking that he’s going to be crazy. But his mother is on his side, giving him the strength as he undergoes the therapy session. Gradually, he’s getting better and Hakyon was happy with his mother again.
Hakyon was fourteen when he realized he loved music. Hip-hop specifically. He heard someone had a rap battle underground and it spikes his interest. Hakyon was gifted with the talent and ecstatic that finally, he found something he loves.
From the underground scene then he met with Namjoon and Seungwoon. Of course, he was closeted at first, but Namjoon had approached him and talk about music. His passion and his intellect had piqued his interest to get to know the teenager. Namjoon is special and he loves music so much that Hakyon becomes relatable to him.
From there, the three will always be together – talking about music, sharing their thought about hip-hop, and dreaming about how they will break the world with their indigenous songs. They even make a promise to be together forever. A friendship promise that no one is allowed to break.
And Hakyon didn’t notice that he had fallen into the same pattern again. How he had become attached to Namjoon and Seungwoon. How their friendship had become the reason he feels wanted and worthy. How their love towards him makes him feels happy – as happy as he was with his mother.
When Namjoon decided to become an idol, Hakyon tried to be happy for him even though deep down inside his heart, he was torn with the decision. Not that he didn’t like Namjoon to be an idol but it’s rather being apart with his friend is much to his dismay. Seungwoon evidently against the decision and Hakyon wants to be more understanding because he didn’t want to lose their friendship.
He had been keeping in touch with Namjoon throughout his trainee days. Nothing more than to make sure that Namjoon didn’t forget about him and Seungwoon. Despite he can see the gap became bigger for the three of them due to his busy schedules, Hakyon managed to stay positive.
Well, until the tragic incident happens. Everything's changed. Seungwoon died. Hakyon suffered a serious injury. And Namjoon nowhere to be found. He never saw the male until he went to the State for further treatment. During the stay, Hakyon keeps himself updated with Namjoon. He knows the success story of BTS and how they had become a worldwide sensation.
Namjoon was smiling on the screen, evidently happy with the continuous achievement of the band. Hakyon smiles looking at how good Namjoon was – becoming a great leader. He smiles fondly before it falters when Namjoon pulled Yoongi into a tight hug and cried on his shoulder; overwhelmed with their success.
His heart immediately dropped to the pit of his stomach. It ached so much that his breath hitched every time he tried to breathe. He fisted his hand into a ball, clutching the bed sheet with anger. The grief he had been mourning over Seungwoon’s death for the past years had never ceased a bit. Now, seeing how Namjoon is relishing his life as an idol had put a damper on his heart.
Namjoon doesn’t show his own feeling towards the others frequently, particularly his tears. He’s not a man who wears his emotion on his face. The difference between him, Seungwoon, and Namjoon were that of tangibility or visibility. Whereas Seungwoon and Hakyon were more vocal about their opinions and sentiments, Namjoon is more reserved.
But when he saw how Namjoon had become closer to Yoongi, how he always said Yoongi had helped him in many ways, how Yoongi means everything to him – Hakyon knows Namjoon was no longer his precious friend. He had become Yoongi's and he hates it.
To see how he behaved with Yoongi is a new side that he hasn’t caught before. And his heart was filled with malevolence. Hakyon had become a green-eyed monster. He didn’t want to lose Namjoon to Yoongi. He had lost Seungwoon and he didn’t want to lose his only friend in this world. He can’t let that happen.
The hatred grows inside him like a parasite. Hakyon becomes greedy and wanted their friendship to belong to him only. No one can come between them. He won’t allow such a thing to happen. He needs to protect Namjoon and Seungwoon. He wants Namjoon and Seungwoon to be with him forever. No one can take his friends from him. Never.
He then planned everything. How he had changed his name to Sukhoon, created a fake resume to become the assistant manager at Big Hit, getting closer to Namjoon, taunting him every chance he had, making his bandmates to hates him and to makes Yoongi hate him – finally, his plan was coming to success. Hakyon managed to steal Namjoon from the control of BTS; once again be with him like before.
Namjoon belongs to him. Only him. Forever. That's when he finally realized, he loves Namjoon more than a friend. An undying love that turn into a dangerous obsession.
“Leave BTS and stay with me, forever…” he said to Namjoon with a smile on his face. He can see the tremor on the latter male.
Namjoon gulped hard at the sudden demand, looking at Hakyon incredulously. “Le – leave BTS? Bb – but Hakyon-ah…”
Hakyon hissed, interrupting the male to speak. “What is it? You said you will do anything. Are you try to change your mind now?” he assumed in wrath.
Namjoon sucked his breath, eyes on Hakyon with fear. “I – I don’t understand Hakyon-ah. If – if you hate me, then why? Why do you want me to be with you?” he probed for an answer over his confusion. He couldn’t decipher the reason behind the peculiar demand. It doesn’t make sense for Hakyon to ask something like that if he hates him to the core.
What’s his plan?
Hakyon grinned at the question before he slowly advanced towards the male. Hakyon takes a seat on the edge of the bed. He can see how Namjoon scooted away and bring his tied hands in front of him – an act of defense. He doesn’t understand why he reacted that way since he has no intention to hurt him.
Well, for now.
“Don’t you want to be like before, Namjoonie?” Hakyon asked merrily.
Namjoon frowned at the sudden change of attitude. “Like before?” he parroted.
Hakyon nods eagerly. “Like when we were still doing music underground? You, me, and Seungwoon. We were happy back then, right? Don’t you think it is fun if we can do the same again?” Hakyon said with a wide smile coated on his face.
Namjoon bit his lips as his mind recalling the good old days. The days when he had been laughing while he was with Seungwoon and Hakyon. The days when he had the pure dream of becoming a great hip-hop artist. The days when he struggles to balance his life and his passion for music. The beautiful days that had become the best memories of his life. The days when he has Seungwoon and Hakyon through his up and down.
Namjoon got teary eyes when those memories submerged, flashing like a film roll. He missed Seungwoon and Hakyon. He missed the moment when they were happy together.
“Namjoonie…”
Namjoon flinched when Hakyon placed his hand on top of his, staring at him with his soft eyes. A look he used to see when they were younger. “Yonnie-ah…”
“Come with me, Namjoonie. Let us re-create again the memory together. Let us make our dream comes true. Let do this for Seungwoon. Okay?” persuades Hakyon.
Namjoon’s lips tremble at the mention of their deceased friend. His heart always breaks whenever memories of Seungwoon came to his mind. The bittersweet moment he had with his best friend. The moment that will never come back again.
Namjoon inhaled in surprise when Hakyon cupped his face, forcing him to look at the said male directly. Even though the gestures don’t inflict any pain to him, but the coldness of the palm touching his skin making him feel uneasy. Especially when their distance becomes closer and closer.
“Namjoonie, don’t you want to make our dreams come true? Seungwoon would be happy if he knows that now you and me are together again. We can create our own path and reliving our forgotten dream. Don’t you want to fulfill Seungwoon’s last wish?”
Namjoon let his fat tears to roll down to his cheek, staring at Hakyon with a strained heart. He knows how much Seungwoon wanted to become a hip-hop artist. He realized how much Seungwoon wanted his song to be heard by the world. Namjoon knows. And because of that, he feels guilty for leaving him and Hakyon in order to pursue his own dream.
Nevertheless, Hakyon request is demanding and creates the burdensome to him. He can’t leave his bandmates just like that. It will cause problems for everyone. Namjoon didn’t know if he has the courage to abandon everything right now. For his whole life he had been working so hard for BTS. All the blood, sweat and tears he had shed to be on the top of the world been paid off. They managed to prove to the world their worth and talent.
Not the fame nor wealth. Namjoon didn’t care about it. What matters is his bandmates. Will he be able to live without the six? Will he be able to leave BTS? Will he be able to forget the army who had been together with BTS since day one till now? Namjoon couldn’t think his life without them. What about his own family? He can’t do that to his parent and his sister.
“Hak – Hakyon… I don’t – I don’t think – aghhh…” Namjoon yelped when Hakyon pressed his palm harder making him winced in pain at the pressure.
Hakyon grits his teeth anger, gawking at Namjoon with full of resentment in his dark eyes.
Namjoon didn’t know why but he needs to explain to Hakyon. He wants Hakyon to understand his situation. “Hakyon-ah… I can't – I can't leave just like that…”
Hakyon groaned. “Why?” he asked with a grim voice. Both of his hands still on Namjoon’s face even he can see the discomfort.
Namjoon shuddered. “I’m – I’m the leader. I can’t – I can’t leave my bandmates. They – they need me…” he stammered in his speech, afraid that anything he said will agitate his friend.
“But it’s okay for you to leave me, huh?” Hakyon retorts with animosity. He let down one of his hands and the other one digging on Namjoon’s face. He ignored the wincing and how the skin starts to become red.
Namjoon shakes his head weakly. “Nno – no – Hakyon. It’s not – it’s not –“
“You choose those stupid boys over me?” Hakyon interrupted, dangerously ogling at Namjoon.
Namjoon’s body trembled in fear. “Hak – Hakyon…”
“Then I have to get rid of that mut so you’ll be with me forever, right?” suggested Hakyon with a smug face.
Namjoon’s eyes widen in horror. He shakes his head harder than before, soft sobs slipped through his chapped lips. “No, please – please Hakyon-ah. Please, I beg you. Please don’t hurt them…” Namjoon begged with his shaken voice, pleading the said male through the tears glistening on his eyes.
Hakyon holds his breath staring at Namjoon with bitterness in his heart. The glint of helplessness on Namjoon’s eyes begging for his members creates the storm in him. How he wanted to wipe off every single member of BTS, making them vanish from Namjoon’s life forever. He hates how in this situation Namjoon still thinking about the six men. It’s so pathetic to see how Namjoon is begging him to spare their life.
“Then do what I asked you to do, Kim Namjoon. I’ll let them live if you come with me…”
“Bb – but – “
“Deal or no deal?” Hakyon quickly cuts, didn’t have the patient to wait for Namjoon to decide about it anymore.
Namjoon swallowed hard, looking at Hakyon through his hazelnut orbs. The tears keep flowing through his eyes. He didn’t know whether this is a good decision or not, whether Hakyon or his bandmates will be happy with his choices. But Namjoon didn’t want any of them to feel hurt. It’s tough but he has to choose.
Namjoon bites his lower lips anxiously, taking a deep breath before he nods meekly. “Okay – okay…”
Hakyon’s mouth twitched slightly. “Okay what, Namjoon?”
Namjoon stares at Hakyon. “I’ll go – I’ll go with you…” he said firmly.
A wide grin spread on Hakyon’s face instantly. He let go of the grip on Namjoon’s face, replacing with softer touch using both of his hand – cupping the wet face. His thumbs move to wipe the remnant of the tears delicately.
“I’m so happy, Namjoonie. I know – I know you will never leave me, right?” he whispered with a cheerful tone. Obviously happy with the latter decision. Even though he was skeptical at first that Namjoon will never pick him over BTS but in the end, their precious friendship had won the battle.
“But…”
His thumbs stop moving at the word. His eyes peered over Namjoon’s quivering eyes. “But?”
“Let me – let me talk to Yoongi for – for once…” requested Namjoon. He didn’t know how he had the courage to ask the question but he just wants to try his luck.
Hakyon scrunched his nose in disgust at the mentioned of his main rival, Yoongi. “Why?” he asked bitterly.
Namjoon exhaled heavily. “I have to – have to inform him before I go with you, right? I should tell him that I’ not coming back and – and they need to find another leader. I just don’t want – don’t want to leave them without a proper goodbye…”
Hakyon gets up from the bed, pacing back and forth as he keeps thinking about Namjoon’s request. He was torn between Namjoon and his selfish need to get Namjoon all by himself. But he can see the consequences of Namjoon’s disappearance. Of course, it will create chaos. Everyone will keep on searching for Namjoon and it won’t do any good to him. Hakyon needs to plan carefully if he wants to bring Namjoon far from BTS.
Hakyon runs his fingers through his black hair, still pondering whether he should let Namjoon talks to Yoongi. He steals a glance at Namjoon that seems nervous, acting jittery on the bed. Hakyon then sneaked on his sweater, taking out his phone before he shoved it to Namjoon.
Namjoon jerked at the act, lips parted slightly as he wasn’t expecting for Hakyon to agree. He stares at the phone for a second before he tried to take it from Hakyon. However, Hakyon takes his hand back, brings the phone to his chest.
“I’ll let you talk for five minutes, only. Just tell him that you’re going to leave BTS and will never come back to him or BTS anymore,” informed Hakyon in a serious tone.
Namjoon nods in agreement.
“Don’t do anything stupid! You will not like the consequences!” threatened Hakyon further.
Namjoon whispered an okay before his shaking hand took the phone from Hakyon. He quickly dialed Yoongi’s number, heart racing inside his ribcage – praying that the elder will pick his call as fast as he can. Namjoon was quite nervous when Yoongi didn’t answer at first try. He tried for the second time, chanting in his mind for Yoongi to pick up.
Please! Please! Please! Pick up the call! Please!
“Hello?”
Namjoon holds his breath when Yoongi’s grumpy voice echoed from the other side. He tightened his grip on Hakyon’s phone. Hakyon had been watching him all the time, making Namjoon feel anxious.
“Hello? Who’s this? If this is a prank, I don’t have the time to –“
“Hyu – hyung…” Namjoon’s voice cracked as he tried to hold his tears. He didn’t know that he really missed Yoongi until he listened to his voice. The urge to go back to his bandmates and family had heightened each second. It is unbearable but Namjoon knows that he didn’t have the chance to do so.
The other side becomes silent for a moment. Namjoon didn’t know the reason for it and he tried to speak again. “Yoongi-hyung – hyung – it’s me…”
A choking voice can be heard through the phone. “Nam – Namjoon?”
Namjoon instantly cried at the mention of his name. he can hear a few rustlings on Yoongi’s side and how the elder male is shouting for everyone’s name.
“Nam – namjoon! Please, tell me. Where are you? We’re going to save you. Don’t you worry, Joonie. We – we are doing our best here that you can be with us again. Just tell me, tell me where are you?”
Yoongi asked in a hurry, afraid that the call will end soon. He expects that the kidnapper had asked Namjoon to call him for a certain reason. Maybe to demand a ransom. Whatever the amount he wants, Yoongi and the others are willing to give all their fortune as long as Namjoon is safe.
Namjoon shakes his head, forgetting that Yoongi couldn’t see him right now. “I’m sorry, hyung. I’m really sorry, but I can’t… I’m not going back… I’m not –“
“What do you mean, Joon-ah? Please don’t say something like that! Just tell hyung, please. Please, Joon. Tell me where you are right now, and I’ll go to you. Please….” Yoongi pleads in dismay, now totally scared after listening to Namjoon’s words.
Namjoon continues to sob and he can hear the same from Yoongi too. His heart clenched at the thought that his hyung is crying because of him. Namjoon lifted his head when he heard the groan from Hakyon, as the male waiting for him to end the call, gesturing him to speak as fast as he can.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I’m – I'm doing this because I don’t want him to hurt you. I love you and the rest and I don’t want because of me – “
“Joon-ah, please, I beg you – don’t –“
“I’m really sorry. Tell everyone that I’m sorry. And – and I love –“
“Please – please, don’t do this…What ever he ask you to do, do not listen to him, Joon-ah..”
Namjoon can hear the desperation but he needs to do this for the sake of his bandmates.
“I - I love you, hyung... Tell the others that I love them too..."
"Joon - Joonie - please, baby - no! Don-t do this -"
Namjoon squeezed shut his eyes at the names called by his hyung and he was crying over the phone, begging for him. Namjoon can feel his heart shattered into pieces.
"Good - goodbye, hyung…”
“Namj – “
Namjoon ended the call abruptly.
Hakyon takes the phone and smirked victoriously.
Namjoon let out the most devastating cry as he curled himself on the bed – wallowing the sorrow as he bid the most painful goodbye ever in his life.
The swan-song to everything.
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Notes:
You may hate me for the non-stop cliffhanger. But as for now, this is how the story goes.
I don't feel sorry for the angst and I assure you that the upcoming chapter will be heavier than this. 😏
I purposely wrote about Hakyon's background so that you can understand the reason behind his odd behavior. For those who are wondering about the illness suffered by Hakyon, this is the link and you can read it for a better understanding.
https://www.sanjosebh.com/disorders/borderline-personality/causes-effects/#:~:text=In%20close%20relationships%2C%20a%20person,abuse%2C%20violence%2C%20or%20neglect.
Chapter 49: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙀𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏
Notes:
kismet
/ˈkɪzmɛt/
noun
destiny; fate𝗘𝗫𝗧𝗥𝗔 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 : GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF VIOLENCE, USE OF WEAPON, BLOOD & INJURY AND CHARACTER'S DEATH
A long chapter to make up for the lack of updates. I hope it's worth the waits tho ☺
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Seungjae was only fifteen when his brother died in a tragic accident. He was a confused teenager when he witnessed how shattered his mother was at the devastating news. Their family was never able to deal with such loss. They've been grieving so many years and his mother had taken the worst of all.
A serious depression had taken her life a few years later. His father had been totally crushed down when he saw his wife's lifeless body in the tub; filled in with red as the foul smell was all over the bathroom.
Seungjae won't forget the day for the rest of his life. He had lost two most important people in his life. Seungjae was young and fragile to understand the cruel world but here he was, taking care of his sick father while abandoning his dream to become a doctor.
Seungjae was in the dark for a long time, wondering why his family had ended up like this. He knows how his mother blames Namjoon for his brother's death. Keep on saying that Seungwoon will not be dead that night if Namjoon didn't send the invitation to him. Those words being repetitive until her last breath. She never explained and Seungjae didn't have the gut to ask since his parent had been mourning over the death gravely.
Not until Hakyon approached him two years ago. When he had heard the entire story, how his brother had been friended with Namjoon and Hakyon and how Namjoon had left the two for his selfish desire to become an idol – Seungjae finally understand his mother's anguish back then.
He agreed to help Hakyon without a doubt. Seungjae aimed to avenge the death of his brother. He can't let Namjoon get away after he had made his family's life become miserable. He believes that Namjoon was responsible for the misery he had to face. He believes that he and Hakyon had a valid reason to do so. They both had suffered enough and they wanted Namjoon to experience the same.
But then why there's a tinge of discomfort in his heart right now? Why does he keep questioning Hakyon real intention after he had heard the whole conversation?
Hiding his body behind the wall, eavesdropping the conversation between Namjoon and Hakyon, Seungjae was dumbfounded momentarily. Frozen and confused at the same time.
Hakyon used to say to him that he wanted to ruin Namjoon's life because of what he had done to him and Seungwoon before.
But why did Hakyon had asked Namjoon to go with him?
He does understand if Hakyon wants Namjoon to leave BTS but to go somewhere together with Namjoon wasn't a part of their original plan.
And why did Hakyon kissed Namjoon?
The indecent scene a few minutes ago came to his mind once again like a whoosh of winds and Seungjae had a goosebump reminiscing Hakyon's behavior.
Hakyon watched how Namjoon cried until he falls asleep out of exhaustion. He stares at his tired face, wet with tears and his eyes were swollen. He chided at the thought of the reason as to why the said male was crying before. However, he was elated with Namjoon's decision.
Finally...
Hakyon bends closer to Namjoon, looking at Namjoon with a foolish grin on his face. He slowly moves his fingers towards Namjoon's fringe and strokes it to the side. He grimaced at the greasy feeling. Namjoon is looking so serene lying on his side, succumb deeper from the real world. Hakyon likes this view better.
Hakyon softly caressed Namjoon's face, feeling the softness of his skin on his fingers. His heart fluttered at the intimacy, feeling the butterfly roaming in his stomach. His eyes fixated on Namjoon's plump lips. It's a little bit swollen with a small cut on the corner of it. Hakyon holds his breath imagining how pungent the red lips is.
He moved his thumb over the lips, pressing it tenderly as he wanted to feel the softness of the fleshy meat. Hakyon arc further his body, taking the opportunity while Namjoon is sleeping and place his lips on top of Namjoon's.
Hakyon shuts his eyes when he can feel the warm skin. It feels so good. His heart's rate speeds up and he thought he's going to have a heart attack. It's weird that a single kiss can create such an effect on his own body. But Hakyon enjoying himself in such euphoria moment.
"Wha – what are you doing, hyung?"
Hakyon hissed at the interruption, snapped his head to the side where Seungjae is looking at him incredulously.
"It's none of your business!" Hakyon retorts defensively.
Seungjae was taken aback at the hostile reaction. "It's – it's wrong! What you did to him –"
Hakyon groaned in frustration, quickly shot up from the bed. "Don't you dare to tell me what is wrong and what is right! I'll do whatever I want to do!"
Seungjae bits his lips, battling with his own emotion right now. But he couldn't help from questioning Hakyon's behavior. "Why are you doing this, hyung? You said to me everything is for our revenge. You want to destroy his life and let him suffered as we had. You never said that you're going to bring him with us..." he rebuts with a shaken voice, nervous to confront the said male.
Hakyon let out a burst of boisterous laughter at the statement and gawked at Seungjae with a smug face. He was amused at Seungjae's innocence and how easy he had been manipulated into his scheme.
"Not us, but me! I'll leave this place with Namjoon!" Hakyon said firmly.
Seungjae's lips split up in shock. "Wha – what? What about me, then?"
Hakyon chuckles. "Just go somewhere and hide your dirty ass there. You are no longer needed..." he asserted with a void of emotion.
Seungjae fretted at the declaration, staring at Hakyon with disbelief. Finally, he can see the true nature of Hakyon. Hakyon had been using him all these while. Hakyon had dragged him into his dirty conspiracy just to help him to get onto Namjoon. This wasn't an act of revenge. It was never a revenge from the first place. Hakyon had been planned everything just to have Namjoon for himself.
He's a psycho!
"Are you trying to leave me here, alone? After everything I had done for you?" Seungjae queried with an accusatory tone.
Hakyon clicked his tongue. "You did nothing, Seungjae. Do you think you have a major role in this? You just played your role as Seungwoon, that's all. Please do not overclaim!" he mocked while he rolled his eyes, evidently irked at Seungjae's childish behavior.
"What the fu– "
"Pack our things here. We're going to leave this place tonight!" instructed Hakyon with a commanding tone, ignoring the distort mien on Seungjae.
Seungjae gritted his teeth, enraged at Hakyon's attitude towards him. "I'm not going anywhere until or unless I know your real plan! You can't leave everything to me and decided to run away with Namjoon together! What if I got caught? If you got caught?" he implored provocatively.
Seungjae has no intention to let the conversation ended one-sided, not when Hakyon just turn a blind eye of his concern regarding his sudden change of plan.
Hakyon glared at the younger, fisted his hand into a tight ball, fuming with anger. He was thrilled about Namjoon's decision so he didn't want to deal with the emotionally constipated teenager. He didn't want Seungjae to ruin his plan, not after such millstone.
"Make sure you will never get caught, then!" he barked at the young boy. "Are you that stupid? Are you going to be around knowing that the police already know about us? Think, Seungjae. Used your brain. No need to ask me for something trivial!" he lashed at Seungjae.
Seungjae was taken aback at the careless statement, most injudicious to display Hakyon's ignorance before a person whom he has to command. He stared back at the male incredulously.
"What?" that's the only thing he managed to voice out after been shattered with the oblivious speech by Hakyon.
Hakyon clicked his tongue for the umpteenth times at his innocent demeanor. "After we escape from here, it's much better if we didn't talk to each other again. Well, at least until the situation gets better or the police had become tired to hunt us down..." he said senselessly.
"Are you really going to leave me alone to deal with everything here?" Seungjae urged for the second time as confirmation. He still couldn't believe that Hakyon will get rid of him after he managed to get Namjoon for himself.
Hakyon smirked. "Then, what? Do you think I'm going to bring you along with me? I won't do something useless and burdensome like that. And we never agree that we are going to be in this till the end though..." he speaks audaciously.
"You're sick! You lied to me!" Seungjae screamed. Unable to hold his anger and frustration anymore. He never thought that Hakyon will be so selfish.
Further, he never thought that the revenge was solely because of his personal gain. Nothing he had done was for Seungwoon. Hakyon just been using him all these times. He was stupid that he believes in Hakyon's words. It was a mere façade. Hakyon is a great manipulator.
Hakyon squinted his eyes at the rebellious act of the young man before he tilted his head to the side. Namjoon stirs in his sleep and slowly opens up his eyes at the nuisance. His vision was blurry since he didn't wear his glasses or contact but he can vaguely saw the distress on Seungjae and Hakyon's face.
"Wh – what happens?" Namjoon asked, voice raspy and deep as he just woke up from his sleep after the breakdown earlier.
Hakyon huffed in annoyance seeing Namjoon had woken up from his short nap. He turned to see Seungjae, eyes filled with anger. He pulled out the gun from the side of his hips and pointed it angrily to Seungjae's face.
Seungjae and Namjoon let out a gasp, almost simultaneously – obviously shocked.
"Just do whatever I asked you to, Seungjae. Don't make me do something unthinkable. I won't let anyone ruin my plan. Not even you..." Hakyon said, void of emotion.
Seungjae shaking like a leaf at the threat, as he comprehends the gravity of Hakyon's words by words.
Hakyon let out a low and deep guttural laughter as he saw the beads on Seungjae's forehead. "I'll come back in half an hour. By that time I want everything's ready..."
Seungjae watched in silence as Hakyon left the room without waiting for any answer. It denotes that he just want Seungjae to obey his command without fail.
"Whe – where are we going?"
Namjoon's cracked voice intruded his stupor and Seungjae turned his head towards the elder slowly. He stares at Namjoon with a piercing gaze, making the latter to squirm at his place uncomfortably.
"We have to leave this place," answered Seungjae truthfully.
Namjoon mouthed agape, getting a goosebump in fear as he can foresee the horridness of what is coming.
It's been three days Namjoon had gone missing but it feels like an eternity. They all know the mastermind behind it but they can't do anything to help their precious leader. They were dreaded with sadness, guilt, and sorrow but still had a bit of hope that Namjoon will come back to them again. However, they were still on tenterhook, after the last time they saw Namjoon – injured and in a little space.
Their dorm now filled with a few officers that still trying to figure out the whereabouts of Namjoon. Half of them were on the field, searching for Namjoon anywhere possible based on a few leads. Meanwhile half of them lingering around the dorm searching for some clues – which the BTS members apprehend that there's no more to help with the investigation.
Inspector Khoo and Detective Han had been asking about Namjoon and Hakyon to Yoongi, trying to dig out as much information they can. Yoongi was exhausted with the non-stop torture but he knows he had to do it for the sake of Namjoon. Everyone at their end wits, nervous and anxious on each second passed – afraid to think the consequences if they couldn't find Namjoon as soonest. In fact, they don't want to think about it at all.
"We managed to contact Hakyon and Seungjae's family. We're going to track them down based on the information given..."
Everyone perked up at the statement given by the inspector, eyes beaming with hope and optimism that sooner or later they will find Namjoon.
"We try our best to locate Namjoon and hopefully we can save him before..."
"Please don't you dare to say it!"
Inspector Khoo inhaled a deep breath at the warning, looking at Seokjin with sympathy. He understands the feeling of Namjoon's friends right now. Their eyes were red due to lack of sleep and the tension on their faces were evidently shows how they were worried about Namjoon.
"He's fine – he's going to be fine and – and he'll come back to us – perfectly fine..." continue Seokjin with a shaken voice and teary eyes. Hoseok pats his hand softly, trying to soothe him even though he knows it's a futile attempt. Everyone is sensitive right now.
Yoongi groaned when his phone is ringing, interrupting the conversation. He ignored the call, assuming it wasn't important for him to attend. However, the caller didn't give up and Yoongi took his phone as the others gave him an annoying look – asking for him to answer immediately.
Yoongi frowned at the unfamiliar number before he slides the green icon and placed the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" Yoongi can hear the small gasp from the other side. He gives the caller two seconds to speak but it was a mere silence. Yoongi huffed in anger.
"Hello? Who's this? If this is a prank, I don't have the time to – "
"Hyu - hyung..." A cracked voice echoed through the phone.
Yoongi holds his breath as he knew the owner of the raspy voice. His eyes glistened with tears instantly, a soft sobs escaped from his lips. Yoongi was dumbfounded and his brain couldn't function properly. He was at word's loss. The cat just got his tongue.
"Yoongi-hyung - hyung - it's me..." Namjoon's voice cracked.
Yoongi choked on his sobs listening to the voice. He didn't know he had been missing the younger until he had heard the voice once again. "Nam - Namjoon?"
Everyone perked at the name and Yoongi called each of their names as they lurched towards him eagerly. Yoongi instantly put the call on the speaker so that everyone can listen to their conversation. Yoongi heard the cry of the younger and his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He wished he could embrace Namjoon into a hug to console him.
"Nam - Namjoon! Please, tell me. Where are you? We're going to save you. Don't you worry, Joonie. We - we are doing our best here that you can be with us again. Just tell me, tell me where are you?"
Yoongi asked in a hurry, afraid that the call will end soon. He expects that the kidnapper had asked Namjoon to call him for a certain reason. Maybe to demand a ransom. Whatever the amount he wants, Yoongi and the others are willing to give all their fortune as long as Namjoon is safe.
Meanwhile, Inspector Khoo and Detective Han were watching him and motioning to him to keeps on talking while they were tracking down the call through their device. Everyone phones had been installed with the tracking device in case the kidnapper will call any of them asking for a ransom. Their plan finally working out. It's just that, they need to make sure the call lasts at least for sixty seconds for them to be able to track the location.
"I'm sorry, hyung. I'm really sorry, but I can't... I'm not going back... I'm not – "
Yoongi eyes widen in horror at the talk. His heart skipped a beat thinking that Namjoon is not coming back to them. "What do you mean, Joon-ah? Please don't say something like that! Just tell hyung, please. Please, Joon. Tell me where you are right now, and I'll go to you. Please...." Yoongi pleads in dismay, totally terrified and he can't stop himself from crying out loud.
Namjoon's crying too and it breaks Yoongi's heart further. He wants to hold and protect Namjoon right now but he knows it's impossible to do so.
"I'm sorry, hyung. I'm - I'm doing this because I don't want him to hurt you. I love you and the rest and I don't want because of me - "
"Joon-ah, please, I beg you - don't -" pleads Yoongi while the others weep listening to the conversation.
"I'm really sorry. Tell everyone that I'm sorry. And - and I love -"
"Please - please, don't do this...Whatever he asks you to do, do not listen to him, Joon-ah.." Yoongi continues to beg while Inspector Khoo continuously gesticulate at him to keep on talking.
"I - I love you, hyung... Tell the others that I love them too..." Namjoon said with an ultimate sorrow.
Yoongi starts to panic. "Joon - Joonie - please, baby - no! Don't do this -"
"Good - goodbye, hyung..."
"Namj - "
The call ended abruptly, leaving Yoongi and others totally shocked.
"We've got him!"
They cocked their head towards Detective Han, having a small smile of assurance before the situation becomes hectic with Inspector Khoo and Detective Han giving instruction to the squad on their plan how to save Namjoon. In a second, Detective Han leaves the house with the team, leaving Inspector Khoo and the BTS – on their way to rescue Namjoon.
"He's coming home..." muttered Seokjin, voice laced with fulls of hope.
Hoseok smiles at the elder and nods his head curtly. Yoongi placed his hand on top of Seokjin and sighed in content.
"We're going to see Joonie!" chirped Jungkook cheerfully. Jimin and Taehyung let out a soft chortle at his words but at the same time feels so relieved that the police succeeded to track his whereabouts.
A light of hopes seems to be so real today and the BTS has the smile on their face imagining Namjoon will come home any time soon. They couldn't wait to crush the said male with a tight hug and to hold his hand so that they will never lose him again. They want to hear the cute and adorable giggles of their precious Joonie in the house and will do anything just to relish the moment over again.
For now, what they can do is - wait.
It was three hours later when Detective Han entered the house hastily and Inspector Khoo walked towards him with a frown on his face. The six members of BTS have been watching the two demeanor and their hearts start to race. They saw how Detective Han whispering something to Inspector Khoo and how Inspector Khoo's face instantly hardened.
"Guys..."
Everyone shot up from the couch when Inspector Khoo and Detective Han approaching them at the living room – face sullen for an unknown reason. Their heartbeat escalated and they clasped their hand with each other, looking at the two officers with quivering eyes.
"We need to go to the hospital..." said Inspector Khoo, voice strained with emotion.
"Wha – why?" Yoongi stuttered and he can feel how Seokjin tightened his grasp on his.
Inspector Khoo exhaled heavily. "I'll explain everything later. We need to go to the hospital now..." he rebuke.
"Did – did you found him?" Jungkook asked timidly.
"You'll find out when we get there..."
They didn't know the reason why was Inspector Khoo been so secretive. They couldn't ask further questions as the officer insists on them going to the hospital. They have tons of suspicions but they didn't enunciate any of it because they were too nervous. They were afraid that they will hear an answer that they don't want to hear at all.
The fifteen minutes journey felt like five hours. They were jittery in their van and their anxiousness spiked up when the vehicles make a stop at the VIP secret passage of the hospital. They didn't want their presence at the hospital will create an unnecessary attention from the public and media.
"Are – are we going to see, Namjoon?" asked Hoseok when they were walking through the hallway. The coldness of the air keeps poking on their skin. They shuddered as they take a few turns as they were been on non-explanatory strides in the building.
Inspector Khoo hummed before he answered vaguely. "Sort of..."
"Namjoon-hyung is here? Is he fine? Is he injured? Is it bad? That's why he needs to be treated here?" questions have been shot by Taehyung in eagerness to know about Namjoon's condition.
Everyone stopped in front of a room. Seokjin let out a gasp as he read the signboard. Yoongi darted his eyes in the same direction and his jaw clenched while he fisted his hands.
"What are we doing here? Where's Namjoon? Yoongi asked with a stern voice, eyes gawking at Inspector Khoo for an explanation. He can hear a few whimpers from the maknae behind him but decided not to bother with it until Inspector Khoo clarified everything to them.
Inspector Khoo takes a deep breath. He scanned every single person in front of him, realizing that they were nervous and terrified. He opened his mouth, explaining the whole situation to the BTS carefully. However, he knows no one will ever ready to hear something horrendous happened to their loved one.
Namjoon didn't know what makes him end up like this. Within a second his life had totally changed. From an underground rapper to a trainee. From a trainee, he needs to lead BTS where the two members were older than him. Will he able to become a good leader for everyone?
From an idol from a small company into a worldwide famous idol. And the biggest changes he had was when the rest of the BTS had finally known about his little space and agreed to become his caregivers.
He almost has everything he ever wanted in life. Recognition. Popularity. Success. Friends. Fans. Family. Love. He should be the luckiest man in this world. What could he ask for more? Nothing, except to embrace the beautiful life and enjoying his prime time with his bandmates in the numerous tours around the world and being able to see the army who had given their supports throughout BTS's journey to become the idol.
He should be happy.
But then what is he doing here? Why is he running in the middle of the forest? Why his life is so miserable that he is now running for his dear life out of nowhere where he was surrounded with only darkness?
He stumbles on the root of the trees for a few times, crapping his knees and his palms but he was too scared to take a look at it as he quickly stands up before starting to run again.
Why is he running? He was panting heavily, gasping for air while trying to catch up with the speed of his long legs. He might have a long scrawny leg but it doesn't mean that he is a fast runner. Not he wasn't. Don't get him wrong. His long limbs sometimes don't be so helpful, especially in a situation like this.
He wanted to stop and takes a rest as much as he can. He had been running for almost twenty minutes. But he knows he can't. Not at this crucial hour. Not when Hakyon is looking for him with a gun in his hand. Namjoon didn't want the man to use the weapon on him. Namjoon shuddered at the thought that Hakyon might kill him if he can catch up with him and Seungjae.
Seungjae. Namjoon darted his eyes forward when the young boy is running in front of him – leading the way. He keeps on pestering Namjoon to keep on running and never look behind. It's important for them to run until they can reach the side road – almost 20 kilometers from the cabin.
Namjoon was still in aw shuck when Seungjae told him that they will leave the place tonight. But what makes him more surprised when Seungjae had asked him to run from there before Hakyon comes back at anytime soon. Namjoon couldn't decipher the reason as to why Seungjae is helping him to escape because the young boy has no time to explain to him. He just apologized for all the wrong he had done to Namjoon and he will make everything right again.
Which, it's the main reason why both of them were running in the forest right now. He barely catches his breath on each run and there's no sign that Seungjae will stop for whatever reason. In fact, they couldn't stop if they ever wanted to. It's too risky and Hakyon might be able to track them down easily.
Despite being scared of the shit out of him, Namjoon couldn't deny that he is a bit relieved that Seungjae had realized his mistake and willing to help him. Namjoon couldn't think about anything else except his family and his bandmates. He just wants to go home.
He wants to feel the warmth of the beautiful smiles of his parent and his sister, Geongmin. He wants to feel the fervor of performing with his bandmates in front of thousands of the armies. He never wished for something else except to be with his loves one once again. Namjoon will do anything just for that.
The soreness of his muscles, the pain of his injuries couldn't stop him from going back to his beloved. He had been in hell for three days but it feels like an eternity. He didn't want to be with Hakyon. Even though Hakyon is his friend but he didn't acknowledge this new side of Hakyon. It's creepy and daunting. This is not the same Hakyon he used to adore and cherish seven years ago.
Namjoon's leg gave out after the strenuous running and he stumbles on the ground on his knees. He yelped in pain and Seungjae immediately halted. He panted in exhaustion, taking as much air to regulate his own breathing.
"Can – can we rest for a minute?" Namjoon asked, wincing a bit as he leaned on the tree nearby. His whole body is aching and he urgently needs a short break. He was drained and his throat needs to chug some water but their escape was unplanned so they didn't bring anything with them. Namjoon just needs to bear the thirst and tiredness for a while before they can get some help.
Seungjae gulped. "Yeah, just take five. I'm afraid that Hakyon will catch up on us so we need to move really fast..." he explained.
Namjoon closed his eyes and nod his head feebly. "Five – five is enough..." he talks in between of his breathing.
Five must be too long for the two because a minute later, Namjoon's eyes wide open when he can hear someone is screaming his name from afar.
"Namjoon!!!!!!!"
Seungjae was appalled as he quickly recognized it belongs to Hakyon. Namjoon shot up from the ground and they both instantly start to flee again, sprinting their legs as fast as they can.
"Namjoon!!!!!!"
Namjoon's heart beating rapidly. He keeps running with Seungjae, ignoring when the tiny branches hit his hands and body. There's no time to think about the pain and new blisters because they need to run away from Hakyon as far as they can.
What they didn't expect was there's a loud bang echoed in the forest and Namjoon screamed when he saw Seungjae take a harsh fall on the ground. Namjoon lurched forward and tried to help him to stand up but Seungjae groaned while he hugged his left foot to his chest.
"Seung – Seungjae... what – what happened?" Namjoon asked with concern.
Seungjae grimaced. He lifted his hand was shocked to see the red liquid on his palm. Namjoon noticed the blood too.
"You're bleeding!" he exclaimed.
"Well – well – well..."
Namjoon snapped his head and eyes widen in horror to see Hakyon standing not far from them – hand holding a gun pointed to him and Seungjae. Namjoon glanced in worried at Seungjae when he continues to cry in pain after his leg has been shot by Hakyon.
"Hak – Hakyon..."
Hakyon chided. "Why are you doing this, Namjoon? I thought we have an agreement already. We are going to leave this place together. But then why are you running away with this stupid boy, huh?"
Namjoon shook his head. "Please, Hakyon-ah. Don't – don't hurt him. He has nothing to do with this. I'm the one who had asked him to help me. He didn't want – " Namjoon tried to explain but deterred by a clicking sound from Hakyon's pointed gun.
"A big mistake, Namjoon. A very – very big mistake..." Hakyon trailed down as he approached the two slowly. He scoffs when Namjoon cowered and grabbed on Seungjae's arm. But they never break the eye-contact.
Hakyon then kicked on Seungjae's leg making the boy holler in agony. The blood keeps gushing out from his calf. "I've should kill you earlier, pathetic asshole! You've ruined everything!" he cursed and give Seungjae another kick.
Seungjae howled at the torture, curling himself in anguish. His injured feet start to become numb and he is dizzy due to the excessive blood loss.
"Please – please Hakyon. I beg you...don't hurt him...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to – didn't mean to –"
Hakyon cocked his head towards Namjoon and clicked his tongue in annoyance. "You should think about this first before you chose to run away from me. You should've thought the consequences of your action if you get caught..." he stated grimly.
Tears spilled out from Namjoon's eyes, realizing the impact of his carelessness towards himself and Seungjae. He should not agree with Seungjae's plan to abscond from there. He should stay and let Hakyon brings him to anywhere he wants. He never wanted to harm Seungjae. He never wanted to end up in this shitty situation.
"This kid has being so annoying and now I have to get rid of him..."
"Please, Hakyon..." Namjoon continues to beg. "Don't do that. I promise I'll go with you. Just don't – don't hurt him..."
Hakyon chuckles evilly. "What to do, Namjoon? It's too late to make a deal with me. You've been betraying me again and again. I couldn't trust you anymore. You'll try to run again whenever you have the chance..."
Namjoon bits his lips. "Please, Hakyon-ah. I'll do anything to redeem myself..."
Hakyon shook his head. Anything for me means nothing for you, Kim Namjoon..." and with that Hakyon fired three shots towards Namjoon and Seungjae.
Seokjin glanced again at the signboard, written with the words "HOSPITAL MORTUARY" with an uneasy feeling. He wants to go home right now. He didn't want to stay any longer here. It's freaking him out. But what Inspector Khoo said to them had a hellish effect on him and his other friends too.
"Since all of you are really closed with Namjoon and his parent are on their way, we want you to identify the body first..."
"What body?" Yoongi asked dumbly.
Inspector Khoo takes a second before he answered. "We found the victim in the forest when we make a search around the location we had tracked down Namjoon's last location. And we – and we want you to identify whether it's Namjoon –"
"It's not him," declined Yoongi with a cold and harsh tone. Meanwhile, the others were too shocked to say anything. Couldn't believe what they've just heard from Inspector Khoo.
"Yoongi-ssi, you didn't see the –"
"I don't need to see it to know it's not Namjoon!" Yoongi refutes, glaring at the inspector with hostility.
Inspector Khoo understands the reason for the refusal. Yoongi is in denial. In fact, everyone is in denial right now. They will never expect such a result. It's unforeseen but also predictable. In most kidnapping cases, the hostage will be killed for numerous reasons. It's saddening but that's how cruel a human being can be.
However, Inspector Khoo had a responsibility to be fulfilled. Either they like it or not, the BTS members need to do the identification. "It's a common procedure in a case like this. You have to give a full co-operation to help with the investigation..."
After the useless argument for almost ten minutes, everyone now in the room – standing next to each other closely as their eyes fixated at the body in the corner of the room; fully covered with a white sheet.
They shuddered because of the image and the iciness of the room. It's cold enough that they can feel it under their skin and bone.
"It's – it's not him..." Jungkook mumbles with a shaken voice and Taehyung hugged him on his shoulder.
"Can – can we go home, hyung? I don't like it here..." Jimin asked with his soft and timid voice. Eyes on Seokjin as he refused to see what is in front of him.
"All of you or any of you can do the identification?" asked Inspector Khoo.
Yoongi scoffed at the easiness of the officer uttering those words to them. How he acted so fine with this? It's annoyed Yoongi so much that he wanted to punch the face of the officer.
Yoongi marched forward, taking the responsibility to do so when no one volunteered to do it. He just wants to make it quick so they can leave the shady place and waits for Namjoon at their shared house.
Yoongi's licked his dried lips and inhaled a deep breath as the doctor pulled down the white sheet covering the face of the corpse. That's when all hell broke loose.
Jimin screamed.
And the world tilted.
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Notes:
Well, that's how I wanted to write the story.
Chapter 50: 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙔-𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙀
Summary:
jeopardy /ˈdʒɛpədi/
noun:
danger of loss, harm, or failure.
Notes:
EXTRA WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF VIOLENCE, USED OF WEAPON, BLOOD, GORE, AND CHARACTER'S DEATH.
(this chapter consist of more than 5k words. Reads carefully!)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It shouldn’t be like this.
Jimin never expected that he will be in this kind of situation after he joined BTS seven years ago. He had been dealing with lots of things since then, up and down throughout their journey to the road of success. He laughs. He cries. He had all the emotions and he was immune to such.
But with the support of his bandmates, Jimin was able to go through it. He is grateful to have them in his life. He treasured them and keeps them in his heart – to love and to cherish forever. Jimin vows that he will be there for them when they need him, through thick and thin.
They have accomplished everything in life. Fame. Success. Fortune. They can’t be asking for more except for the seven of them to stay together forever. It's been their dream that BTS will be BTS even if they were 80 years old. That’s a promise.
But then, what went wrong?
They were enjoying their life, being in a bundle of joy that they have each other – until someone had ruined their happiness in a split second. At one second, they were still together and in another second BTS had lost one of their members. Their precious leader. Number one in their heart.
KIM NAMJOON
Jimin never imagines such harrowing thing can happen to his beloved leader. He does realize that, besides the loves given by the Army, there’ll be someone who will hate them. They had been dealing with the sasaeng for years. The company had taken the preventive measure that no one will be able to harm the BTS or to ruin their image. Everything has been taken care of.
But then why this is happening?
Jimin couldn’t decipher anything. His mind was blank. He still thinks that everything was just a dream. A bad dream after he had fallen asleep as the languor had overtaken his body due to the timeless rehearsal that week.
Jimin wished he will wake up soon or someone will wake him up so that he can finally breathe and tell to himself: ‘It’s just a dream, thank God!’
But...
Why does it feel so real right now, though?
After they were being fed with the tiny little hope that Namjoon will be safe and come home, they have to face this brutal reality.
Why must everything turn down to hill in a split second? Why they end up in the mortuary and in front of them is Namjoon’s body – lying lifelessly underneath the white cover.
Jimin shakes his head. His tears had clouded his vision and he released the painful sobs when the doctor asked one of them to identify the body.
Why do they need to do that? It’s not even Namjoon! That's not Namjoon!
Jimin knows that it’s not Namjoon. It’s not him. He repeated the same words in his head, denying the horrible fact. He still has the faith that Namjoon is alive. He didn’t want to think or even acknowledge that the man in front of him is Namjoon.
"We found the victim in the forest when we make a search around Namjoon's last tracked location. And we – and we want you to identify whether it's Namjoon –"
Jimin shut his eyes at the Inspector Khoo’s words, refused to listen to anything because it’s made his heart hurt more and more.
"It's not him!"
Jimin turned to see the elder and he can see how Yoongi’s jaw tightened from the side as he scowled at the inspector. He was a bit relieved that Yoongi had the same thought as he was. He firmly believes that everyone is in agreement with him too. They have no doubt that the corpse is not Namjoon.
"Yoongi-ssi, you didn't see the –" the inspector try to explain to the rest of them but Jimin heard the same answer from Yoongi again, stating his and their stance.
It’s not Namjoon!
"I don't need to see it to know it's not Namjoon!" Yoongi refutes, glaring at the inspector with hostility.
Jimin lips wobble watching the argument and he can feel his body shaking at the chillness of the room as well as the tension radiates from everyone. He didn’t know if he still can be here any longer.
"Can – can we go home, hyung? I don't like it here..." he said with his sweet and timid voice. Eyes on Seokjin as he refused to see what is in front of him.
Seokjin tilted and staring at him with his red and puffy eyes. Jimin bits his lips as he didn’t want to cry any further. Jimin didn’t notice when did Yoongi had moved forward, approaching the body.
Jimin’s heart sunken and his eyes widen in horror when Yoongi flipped the white sheet – revealing the face of the dead body.
The air becomes stiff. Jimin heard something ringing to his ears. When his eyes settled on the covered body, Jimin screamed so loud that he thinks his lung will combust.
“Hyung!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The whole room was filled with his loud wailing, deafening everyone in it. Someone had grabbed his arms (he can’t guess whom), shaking him and asking him to calm down – but Jimin couldn’t stop himself from wailing.
“Jimin!” his body was shaken so harshly. Jimin ignored the voice, covering both of his ears with his tiny hands as he shuts his eyes in agony. The image of the corpse keeps flickering and he desperately wanted to eliminate it.
“Jimin! For God sake, calm down! Look at me! Listen to me, Jimin!”
Jimin shook his head vigorously. His legs wobbled and when his knees buckled someone had wrapped their long arms to his waist to prevent him from falling to the floor. His body goes limp and he can hear a huff from the person who is straddling him.
“Jimin-ah...please...”
Jimin continues to cry, hiding his face into the crook of the neck of the latter male.
“Nonononono....” he keeps chiming between his ugly sobs.
“Jimin listen to hyung... it’s okay. It’s okay, now...”
Jimin buried further his face, inhaling the sweet cologne belongs to Hoseok. The smell of the vanilla is working like a tranquillizer to Jimin as his cries slowly to die down. But he still didn’t have the courage or energy to look around him after the breakdown. He can feel Hoseok’s hand moving up and down caressing his back gently.
“It’s okay Jimin-ah... that – that's …"
“Not Nam - Namjoon....” Jimin quickly cuts the elder. Hoseok let out a relieved sigh at the words, softly pat on the back of Jimin’s head.
“Yes, it’s not Namjoon... It’s not our Joonie...”
A sob escaped from Hoseok’s hearty lips while he tried to cajole the younger in his embrace. His eyes were red and teary but at least he is relieved. He trailed over the rest of his members and everyone is grateful as the corpse is not Namjoon.
It’s a dreading moment for them when Yoongi draws the sheet from the dead body, showing off the white face – clear evidence that there’s no hint of life. Their hearts skipped a bit at the view.
If they were honest to themselves, they were kind of ready to see Namjoon’s face underneath the sheet. It’s horrendous but they can’t deny the possibility even if they tried not to think pessimistically.
And when it was laid open in front of their eyes, they almost lost half of their soul at the sight of the odious corpse. It's managed to scare them to death momentarily. Their eyes quiver diffidently, looking for something familiar or hint that the body belongs to Namjoon.
It was none. And everyone can’t help from twitching into a small happy smile. They know it’s disrespect toward the deceased (someone died) but for them, Namjoon is matter than the unknown man.
They might sound cruel and heartless but who can blame them though? This is the moment when they should be happy with the possibility that Namjoon is still alive out there.
2 HOURS EARLIER
"Please, Hakyon..." Namjoon desperately begs the male as he directed the gun to Seungjae. Seungjae didn’t even aware of it because he was too immersed with the pain on his leg.
Namjoon kneels on the ground, clasping his hand in agony - begging for Hakyon’s mercy not to hurt Seungjae.
"Don't do that. I promise I'll go with you. Just don't – don't hurt him..." He said with a trembling voice.
He didn’t know what to say or what to do to stop the said man from killing Seungjae. As far as he concerns, Hakyon just wants both of them to leave the place together. Thus, there’s no harm to pull the same card again. He will try his luck for the second time.
Hakyon stares at Namjoon intensely. He still held the bit in his jaws; his frolic had only just begun. Feeling amused to see the great and charismatic leader of BTS is looking really pathetic right now.
"What to do, Namjoon? It's too late to make a deal with me. You've been betraying me again and again. I couldn't trust you anymore. You'll try to run again whenever you have the chance..." Told Hakyon while he emits a burst of evil laughter.
Namjoon can feel how his whole body freezes at that, biting his lips too hard that it’s started to bleed. "Please, Hakyon-ah. I'll do anything to redeem myself..." He continues to plead.
Hakyon shook his head, smiling lopsidedly. He waves the gun in front of Namjoon’s face a few times before he stops and pointed at Namjoon and Seungjae again. His eyes darken and the whole face looking really tensed.
Namjoon gulped at the diminish and his heart starts to pound loudly inside his ribcage. “Plea - please, Hakyon...”
Hakyon chuckles. “Oh, Namjoonie... You betrayed me two times already. Do you think you deserve the third chance, huh?” suggested Hakyon facetiously.
Namjoon let his tears to roll down as waves of emotion struck him at one time. Fear. Sad. Anger. Helpless. He was exhausted after being kidnapped for three days; emotionally and physically.
When he thought he has the chance to be free to meet with his family and his friends again, it was shattered as Hakyon managed to track them easily. Namjoon feels so stupid that he was unable to use his genius brain to find a good solution to such a mess.
As if his brain stops functioning after he knows that Sukhoon is Hakyon. And now he has to fight between life and death but Namjoon didn’t know what he should do to save himself as well as Seungjae.
“Hakyon-ah, please. I beg you. I beg you to have mercy on me and Seungjae....” Namjoon cried. He didn’t care if he looks terrible and pathetic in the eyes of Hakyon. But Namjoon needs to do this. He has to do this.
Hakyon clicked his tongue. “Nah... I’m not a good person, Namjoonie. You know that, right? I’m not forgiving enough and let you to hurt me all over again...” he said with a grim voice.
Namjoon sobs. “Hak-Hakyon-ah, please... I beg you... I beg you... I’ll do anything -”
Hakyon rolls his eyes at the weightless promise given. “You said the same thing before, Namjoon. But look at what you’ve done? You try to run away with this bastard!” he said and proceed to kick on Seungjae’s bleeding leg.
Seungjae howled in pain and gibbering some curse words. “Fuck! You fucking asshole!” he groaned, hugging his injured leg to his chest while he shoots a glare at Hakyon.
Hakyon raised his brows. “I should’ve killed you, Seungjae. You are the reason why we’re in this unnecessary mess,” he said while pointing the gun to the younger.
Namjoon shakes his head and quickly moves to the side to protect Seungjae.
“No! Please, no one needs to die. I promise, Hakyon. I’ll do anything. Just let - “
“Don’t you ever listen to that jerk, hyung! He – he's crazy!” Seungjae said with anger.
“Enough!” Hakyon yelled and put the gun in the middle of Namjoon’s forehead.
Namjoon gasped. “Hak-Hakyon..”
Hakyon huffed. “Anything for me means nothing for you, Kim Namjoon..." and with that Hakyon fired three shots towards Namjoon and Seungjae.
The sound was like a rumble of thunder echoing in the forest. But it’s more to thunderclap, being shorter in duration and loud enough that you hear ringing in your ears afterwards. It makes you shuddered and the silence that came afterwards is spine-chilling.
Hakyon smiled with satisfaction as he concentrates on how Seungjae’s body rooted on the ground. The blood is oozing out from his body, sipping the soil underneath. He scrunched his nose at the strong smell of blood till his eyes were sated and the cruelty returned.
The hole on Seungjae’s head and chest make him feel proud of his masterpiece. Hakyon then runs his eyes to Namjoon who seems taken aback at the situation. His face now turns to pale and his body was trembling. He didn’t even spare a look to Seungjae’s body lying on the ground beside him.
It was gruesome. Namjoon never witnesses such horrendous act in real life. He never saw someone been killed. He never imagines that he will be in this position either.
“What a mess...” uttered Hakyon as if it was nothing to him. “Well that’s the price you have to pay for betraying me....” he continues.
Namjoon couldn’t say anything because he wasn’t in the right mind to be bothered with whatever Hakyon is rambling right now. His nose flared at the smell of the blood and he feels nauseous. His heartbeat escalates each time he catches the glimpse of Seungjae’s body next to him.
“Look what’ve you done, Namjoonie. Seungjae has to pay for your mistake...” Hakyon indicted.
Namjoon holds his breath at the accusation. His whole body trembled realizing the truth behind the words. He finally registered that he is the reason why Seungjae ends up dead in a cold blood.
Part of him knows that Hakyon is a sadist and trying to put the blame on him for his own pleasure. But another part of him keeps telling him that if Seungjae didn’t try to help him, he will be alive right now. As such, he’s the one who had killed the innocent young man.
Namjoon can see how both of his hand shaking as he fisted it tightly. He let the fat tears rolled to his cheek reflecting all the wrongful deed he had done. To Seungwoon. To Hakyon. And now to Seungjae.
What kind of person he is? How could he ruin someone’s else life? How could he be happy all these times when someone is suffering because of him?
He is the reason why Seungwoon died in the accident. He also the reason of Seungjae's death.
What kind of person he is, then? Is he a monster?
Namjoon yelped in surprise when Hakyon grabbed his cheek roughly and forcing him to watch Seungjae’s body.
“Look Namjoonie... Poor Seungjae. He died for nothing like Seungwoon. And the reason is you!” Hakyon said venomously. Anger and hatred evidently showed in the depth of his voice.
When Namjoon eyes fixed on Seungjae lifeless body, his eyes widen in horror and a blood curdling scream escapes from his lips. Seungjae’s body was fully covered with blood and his eyes were still wide open to show how he had suffered a miserable death when the bullet his body. Namjoon scrambled away from the body, screaming so loud as he shut his eyes.
Hakyon laughs at Namjoon’s reaction entertained to see how scared the male is. “Aww, are you scared, Namjoonie?” he teased cruelly.
Namjoon curled his leg up to his chest and hide his head between the knees – rocking his shaking body as he tried to erase the horrible image in his mind. Namjoon was traumatized to see the dead body right before his eyes.
“Well, I think you understand now what will happen if you try to betray me again, Namjoon. I’ll give you the last chance. And if you do anything stupid again, the next body you’ll see is your bandmates....” Hakyon threatened.
Namjoon shakes his head vigorously but still hiding his head. Too afraid to look at Hakyon. Hakyon is a brute and Namjoon didn’t want to provoke the male again. He had enough of people dying because of him. He didn’t want Hakyon to kill his bandmates. He couldn’t let it happen.
“No....please-please-please-please-please... no...” he mumbled but still audible to the ears.
Hakyon smirked in victory. He was about to march forward when he heard a faint sound of rustling not far from them. Hakyon brows knitted in confusion before he let out a small gasp when a barking sound echoed.
“Damn!” he cursed and grabbed on Namjoon’s arm, forcing him to stand up.
Namjoon was shocked at the sudden act, looking at his with a puzzled look. His lips parted as he wanted to ask something but Hakyon just dragged him forcefully. He didn’t understand the reason why they started running out of sudden.
Namjoon didn’t have the time to properly react to it. He winced when Hakyon’s grip on his arm heightened every step taken but he was too afraid to say a word.
“Where’s Namjoon?”
Inspector Khoo looks at Yoongi and the rest of BTS. He can see the draughtiness on their face after they left the mortuary. Everyone looks really affected what they had seen in the room. He couldn’t blame them for feeling that way. They were too shocked to be forced to make the identification, afraid that it’s going to be Namjoon’s body.
“I’m sorry for what had happened just now...” Inspector Khoo said, regret to let the BTS face such a horrible situation.
“You should...” Yoongi retorts. Seokjin softly squeezed Yoongi’s hand, refraining him from saying something vulgar.
“Who - who’s that?” asked Jungkook.
Inspector Khoo pays his attention to the maknae, sighing when he saw the red eyes of the boy. “It’s Seungjae. Hakyon’s accomplice...”
A few gasps can be heard in the hallway.
“Seungjae? What – what happened to him? Did – did the police...”
“No. We found him dead already. And I believe it’s Hakyon...” cuts Inspector Khoo immediately to rebut the assumption from Jungkook.
“Hakyon? That fucking bastard!” Yoongi cursed in anger and he received another squeeze from Seokjin, harder than before.
Yoongi tilts to the side to look at Seokjin and gives him a deadly glare as a protest. Seokjin returns the same and the younger rolled his eyes in irritation.
“Nam - Namjoon-hyung?” asked Jimin timidly, still trying to regain himself from the shock before.
The six pairs of eyes now on Inspector Khoo. He gulped at the intensity before he takes a deep breath to calm himself.
“When we arrived we found Seungjae's body only. We still on the search of Hakyon and Namjoon...”
“What do you mean you're still searching for him? You supposed to locate him easily! You have the damn location already! What the fuck did you do? Are you even looking thoroughly? Do you –“
Yoongi stops his breathless rants when Seokjin wrapped his arm around his shoulder. When he turn his head to the side then he realized he was breathing too fast.
“Calm down, Yoongi... you're scaring the others...” whispered Seokjin softly.
Yoongi run his eyes towards his brothers, now looking at him with their doe teary eyes. Yoongi shuddered at the sight, slowly takes a deep breath. He rubbed his face and grimaced when he can feel the sweats on his palm.
“Sorry – I’m sorry – I’m just...” he mumbled in a remorseful tone. He can feel how Seokjin's hand caressing his forearms tenderly. He is thankful that Seokjin was here and managed to remain subtle as everyone was jittery about the current situation.
“We’re sorry, Inspector. We didn't mean to question your job. But please do understand that we are worried about our leader and with every second passed it's getting on everyone’s emotion...” Seokjin explained politely, trying to defend Yoongi's outburst.
Inspector Khoo nods in tolerance and understanding. Even though he was a bit angered and humiliated at the words uttered by Yoongi, but he does understand the attitude. Everyone is concerned about Namjoon and to be honest, Inspector Khoo had the same feeling too.
The longer time is taken to find the said male, the bigger the possibility that his life is in danger. That’s why he asked his best team for the SAR (search and rescue) mission. He wanted to save Namjoon before anything bad can happen to the young male. The clock is ticking and Inspector Khoo is anxiously waiting for the news from Detective Choi.
“Namjoon will be – will be okay, right?” Taehyung finally talked after being silent for so long. Too afraid to talk and he didn’t want to show his own emotion while his bandmates are having a hard time right now.
“He will, Tae. He'll come back to us...” answered Seokjin firmly, giving assurance to Taehyung. He notice how the vocalist being quiet all the time. He also notices how his legs are shaking and how his eyes quiver around in nervousness.
“We are doing our best to bring him home...” said Inspector Khoo. He couldn’t give an empty promise to the boys but he won’t let the hopes to die soon. They were hanging to the small hope since day one, he didn’t want to destroy that too.
The sound of the barking getting closer and closer as Hakyon dragged Namjoon with him. Through the darkness, he run as fast as could, ignoring the whimpering let out from Namjoon as he stumbles on the root or the branches. Hakyon just wants to run from there, avoiding from being caught.
“Move your damn legs faster!” angered Hakyon when Namjoon fall to the ground for the umpteenth times.
Hakyon pulled his hand harshly, forcing the male to take another run again. But Namjoon was exhausted. His feet hurt. His whole body is aching. He didn’t know if he was able to keep going or not. He almost passed out due to the fatigue.
“Come on! We didn't have the time for this!!” hissed Hakyon, attempting not to talk too loud to avoid from being found out.
Namjoon wheezed and shakes his head. “Tired – I’m tired...” his speech was slurred. When he heave his head to look at Hakyon, he got a dizzy spell and instantly squeezed shut his eyes.
“Don’t try to fucking lie to me, Namjoon. I know you’re doing this on purpose!” accused Hakyon, getting impatient with Namjoon's attitude.
“Hakyon, please –“
Namjoon wasn’t able to finish his sentence when Hakyon interrupted him fiercely. “Don’t let me use the gun on you, Namjoon!”
Namjoon swallowed at the threat. He's still couldn’t stand up properly as his legs were shaking but Hakyon yanked his hand and hauled him further – for another run.
Namjoon staggering a bit as his vision turn to grey-out. He had a cold sweat on his face, his heart is beating really fast. Namjoon really thinks that he is going to blackout if Hakyon keeps on dragging him like this.
“Hak – Hakyon...” he tried to call the male but Hakyon totally ignored him.
Namjoon exhales shakily before he tries for the second time. “Hakyon, I – I...”
“Shut up!” Hakyon spats in irritation.
“But –“
Hakyon stops abruptly making Namjoon crashed on his back. He closed his eyes at the impact, pressing his other hand to the side of his head due to the dizziness.
“Why are you –“
“Don’t move!!!”
Hakyon's eyes widen in horror and Namjoon furrowed in confusion when he saw a few people surrounded both of them – gun in hands, pointed directly towards them.
Namjoon couldn’t decipher what is happening right now. He was confused as to why Hakyon is now standing behind him and holding his hand to the back. When he tried to move his head to look at the male, a cold metal has been pressed to the side of his head.
“Wha - what're you doing?” he asked.
Hakyon didn’t answer the question, instead, he moves slowly to the back and taking Namjoon with him.
“Put the gun down, Hakyon and let Namjoon go!”
Namjoon snapped his head forward and through his bleary eyes, he tried to figure out who're the men in front of him. It is dark and he didn’t wear his glasses.
“No! Don’t do anything if not – if not I'll shoot him!” Hakyon stated and pressed the gun further to Namjoon's head.
Namjoon winced. Now he finally understands the reason why Hakyon is holding him like this. He's been taken as a hostage and in front of him right now is the police. Namjoon kind of relieved to know that he is going to be saved. The police are going to save him from Hakyon. He can go home now.
“You can’t run now, Hakyon. Just surrender yourself and let Namjoon go!” told Detective Choi as he holds his gun firmly.
Hakyon shakes his head, moving backwards another step with Namjoon.
“No! I won’t let him go! Don’t you dare to come any closer!!” he shouted. Hakyon sounded desperate, knowing that he is trapped now.
The police might have surrounded the place and he couldn’t run anymore. But as long as he has Namjoon with him, the police will not do anything to jeopardize Namjoon's safety. Hence he's lucky for the meantime.
Detective Choi looks around and sends a signal to his team through his eyes to get into their position. He had his men all over and Hakyon won’t get away this time. He has to be careful though since Namjoon still in the hand of the said man.
“Surrender yourself, Hakyon. It's over now. You can’t get away from here. You didn't have the choice to –“
“No! I still have a choice! Namjoon is with me. He'll die with me!” cuts Hakyon, grinning like a mad man that he had the upper hands against the police.
“Don’t do anything stupid, Hakyon. You didn’t want to die and you didn’t want to kill Namjoon. You just confused with your own feeling. Thinks carefully. Namjoon is your best friend. You didn’t want to hurt him. You just want to be with him, right?” entice Detective Choi diplomatically.
Namjoon lips wobble at the statement. He let his tears to fall from the dam of his eyes. “Hakyon, please. Just – just stop okay? I promise you that I’ll never leave you again. I’ll be with you forever as you want. Surrender yourself and I'll help you. I'll find the best lawyer to fight for you. Just – just...”
“Do you think I’m stupid, Namjoon? If I let you go, you will never come back again. You will be with your bandmates, that stupid BTS member who doesn’t even know your past. You had chosen them over me and Seungwoon! You had betrayed me so many times. Why should I believe you?” rebuts Hakyon as he let out a peal of dry laughter.
“Hakyon-ah... trust me this time. I'm not going to leave you again. I promise, Hakyon. I promise for the sake of our friendship...”
“Shut up!” Hakyon knocked Namjoon's head with the gun until it bleeds.
Namjoon grimaced at the searing pain and his knees weaken. Hakyon holds him tighter and shouted venomously to his ear, “You’re a liar and I won’t believe you again!!’
Detective Choi sees the chance when Hakyon seems to drown in his own emotion. He jerked his head to his team behind Hakyon and they move in silence – approaching the distracted Hakyon.
It was in a split second when Namjoon feels his body tumbling to the ground and Hakyon is screaming next to him. Namjoon tilted to see how two police were holding Hakyon down while he was struggling to release himself.
Namjoon watched the commotion with shocked, didn't know what to do as he watched Hakyon tossing around and screaming something incoherent. The gun he had been holding before was nowhere to be found.
“Let me go! Let me go! You fucking stupid! Let me go!!! Namjoon! Namjoon!!! Help me! You fucking promised to help me! Namjoon!!!!”
Namjoon's breath hitched at the crying out of his name. He couldn’t think anything. His mind was blank and everything happens so fast. Namjoon was torn whether to help Hakyon or not. It's too much for him right now. He was totally depleted and he just sits on the ground contemplating the whole commotion in silence.
“Namjoon! You promise me! You promise me! Namjoon!!!!!”
Hakyon gritted his teeth and stares at Namjoon with unbidden hatred. He fights the two officers as hard as he can. He didn't care if they just pulled his hand to the side and one of them pressed his knee to his back to stop him from moving.
Hakyon was so determined to free himself that he managed to loosen up the hold on his hand. He then kicked on the stomach of the officer and punched the face of the other officer. Everything was chaotic and Hakyon crawled to grab his gun.
Hakyon stands up in anger, ignoring everything around him and pointed the gun to Namjoon. Namjoon frozen to his place and stares at Hakyon with disbelieve. He can see the smirk on Hakyon's face and his heartbeat escalates rapidly.
“You betrayed me again, Namjoon!” said Hakyon and he pulled the trigger without hesitation.
Namjoon closed his eyes in fear and flinched when two shots were fired. His ears ringing with the loud sound and he was breathing really hard. Namjoon waits for the pain that he should be feeling after been shot by Hakyon. Oddly he couldn’t feel anything.
Namjoon opened his eyes slowly, checking his body but he didn’t see any blood. His eyes then shifted to Hakyon in front of him. Namjoon lips parted when he saw Hakyon lying on the ground – bleeding profusely.
Detective Choi had released the fire before Hakyon in order to stop him from hurting Namjoon. He has to act fast and he didn't regret that he shot Hakyon in a spur of the moment.
Namjoon watched how Hakyon's body was shaking like a slaughtered animal. He coughed out blood and his eyes rolls until it turns white. Slowly the body stiffens, his limbs become limp on the dirty and cold ground – he takes a short strangling breath before the soul finally left the vessel.
Namjoon didn’t blink his eyes at all. His lips parted in a shell shocked. Hakyon is dead. His body didn’t move at all when the officers were checking on him. There's blood everywhere with two bullet holes on his chest.
Namjoon thought he was swirling into deep water. He couldn’t hear anything. Every voice was stifled and his vision is blurry. Namjoon tried to move his hand but to no avail. Even his legs feel numb.
Why does his body feel really light?
It feels like he is falling from a higher place. Namjoon frowned when a few dots appeared in his eyes. It becoming dark on each second. He let out a small yelp when his back hits something hard. His eyelids were heavy and he can't breathe. It's suffocating.
Then the darkness swallowed his whole body.
And the world tilted.
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Notes:
5k words to make up for the long wait!! I hope it's worth it though.
IDK how you feel about the chapter, but this is how I want to conclude on Hakyon's character
aren't you happy that I didn't kill Namjoon? lol
how could I kill him on his birthday, right? I'm glad I'm able to update this chapter on his birthday.
Well, as mentioned on my status board (wattpad), I'm busy with works so I'm able to update as frequent as I want. I've been telling you this since July and I'm really sorry that you have to wait a bit longer before I can wrap this story.
I intended to end this book with 50 chapters (it's been too dragging already) but I couldn't do that after I had finished writing this chapter. I want some closure for Namjoon after the kidnapping, and I don't want it to be written in a haste. I'll try not to exceed 52 chapters. Let see how it goes!
AND
of course, happy birthday to the most beautiful person in this world, KIM NAMJOON.
Chapter 51: 𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙔
Summary:
paroxysm /ˈparəksɪz(ə)m/
Noun; a sudden attack or outburst of a particular emotion or activity.
Notes:
EXTRA WARNING: medical terms and procedure, mental health issues, and a bit of violence
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The six members of BTS were hoarding in the waiting room, feeling jittery while they wait for more news on Namjoon. It's been two hours after the dreadful event at the mortuary when Detective Choi came and spilled the latest information.
"We'd found him..."
A simple three words but it's meant the world for the BTS. They had found Namjoon and from the talk, he is safe and currently being treated at the emergency and trauma department.
They've heard about Hakyon. They just didn't care. They snickered at the declaration made by the police and Jungkook shown his animosity towards the said male by saying,
"Serves him right!" the maknae spits.
Which no one ever protests his remark, not even Seokjin. Then, they were brought to the waiting room where they can see Namjoon's parent already seated in the corner. They greet each other and wait patiently for the doctor to come and updates everyone about Namjoon.
Yoongi glanced at Seokjin as he remained silent and calm, but he can see how his leg is shaking in anxiousness. Meanwhile, Jimin had fallen asleep besides Taehyung, resting his head on the eccentric vocalist's shoulder. He was draught, knees weaken when Hoseok hold him to get out from the mortuary. The rapper now had leaned his head on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling and Jungkook keeps his eyes fixated at the door - waiting for the doctor to come out.
Yoongi breathes out heavily. His heart is thumping really fast. Both of his hands were red as he keeps squeezed them. To say he is worried is an understatement. He was scared, nervous, and afraid. Moreover, he was angry.
Don't get him wrong. He's not mad at Namjoon. It's Hakyon. That selfish bastard who just had the audacity to hurt Namjoon just because of his crazy obsession. Rather than been happy that the man was dead, Yoongi actually wished he at least can punch that asshole for everything he had done to Namjoon and to the rest of them. He wants to have some solace by doing so.
Hakyon just had the easiest way of escaping the consequences of his evil deed. Yoongi wants harsher punishment. Death wasn't enough. He needs to go through the insufferable torture before he died. Still, Yoongi prayed that he will be damned in hell forever.
"Family of Kim Namjoon?"
Everyone was startled to see the doctor, now standing in front of them with a clear frown on his face. They instantaneously approached the doctor, swarming like a bee as they eagerly waiting for Namjoon's news.
The doctor swallowed, flustering a bit at the situation but understand the concern of the family members. Well, lots of family members as he can see at the moment.
"How is he?" Mr. Kim asked, and he can feel how his wife tightened the grip over his forearm.
The doctor gives him a smile before answering. "There's no serious physical injury except a few scratches and bruises on his face and body. He had sprained his ankle, but it will heal within two weeks. He's a bit dehydrated and we had him sedated for him to have a good rest..." he explained.
A few murmurs echoed as they were relieved at the good news. They were grateful that Namjoon had escaped from any serious harm.
"Despite his minor injuries, we are more concerned about his mental health..."
"What do you mean?" Yoongi asked with a pulsating heartbeat. He can see the worried faces of the rest too. The doctor himself didn't have a good expression while he uttered those words.
"In this kind of situation, it's common for a victim to suffer a PTSD, post-traumatic disorder due to the shock and horrendous experience being kept as a hostage for a certain period. They will be typically affected in terms of emotional, cognitive, and social related. Released hostages need time to recover from the physical, mental, and emotional difficulties they had faced..."
Everyone winced at the explanation, worries etched on their face as to what will happen to Namjoon after being Hakyon's hostage. They didn't know how far the said male had tortured Namjoon. They are honestly afraid of the aftermath.
The doctor saw the concern and quickly clarified, "That only can be diagnosed when he wakes up. And hopefully, the effect is not too severe..."
"Can - can we see him?" Namjoon's mother asked with a shaken voice.
The doctor nods. "We will transfer him to a private room, and you can visit him there. But it's advisable to have a minimum visitor at the moment, two at maximum..." the doctor bows respectively before he leaves the group to attend for another patient.
"I think his parent should stay with him tonight..." Sejin stated.
They want to protest the manager because they want to see Namjoon as soon as they can, but they know there's no one has the right except for Namjoon's family at the moment.
"All of you look exhausted and need some rest. We can come to visit Namjoon tomorrow..." continued Sejin when he can see the fatigue on the boy's faces. They didn't have enough sleep for days, worrying about Namjoon's whereabout. They were tired physically and emotionally. After the dreadful experience in the mortuary.
They left after gives assurance to Namjoon's parents that they will come back the next day. Mrs. Kim keeps thanking all of them for being there through the hassle and the effort in finding Namjoon.
Yoongi stares for a few seconds at the closed door where he knows Namjoon is resting right now before Seokjin dragged him away. He groaned at the action but find a deep relief in the pit of his stomach.
Namjoon is safe. Namjoon is with them now. Nothing can be wrong.
Right?
Namjoon opened his eyes and realized that he is at an unfamiliar place. His heart rate picks up rapidly as his eyes quiver around. His mind races to analyze his whereabouts, frowning at the stink smell overwhelming his nostril. Namjoon gets up from the bed, noticing how the room was all white.
Hospital? His mind randomly guessed. A sudden jab over his head makes him winced in pain. He placed his palm over his left eye as the pain was immense around that area. Namjoon frowned when a few blurry images playing like a broken cassette. And his body suddenly falling into an abyss of darkness. Namjoon screamed.
"You're a liar and I won't believe you again!!'
"You fucking promised to help me!"
"You betrayed me again, Namjoon!"
"Namjoon! You promise me!"
Bang! Bang!
His body shot up as he gasped for air. He can feel his clothes drenched with sweat and he's shaking like a leaf. A loud ringing deafening his ears makes him grimaced at the sound. He puts his shaking hand to his ears trying to stop the noise.
"What kind of friend who had abandoned his friend?"
"You betrayed me again, Namjoon!"
Namjoon flinched and start to panic at the non-stop shouting. It hurts! He can almost hear his hammering heart as if it's going to combust inside his ribcage. He also can taste the bile rising inside his mouth, choking at his saliva, and end up with coughing fits.
"Stop!" he gritted his teeth when the voice keeps yelling, beating the side of his head to make it stop. "Stop! Stop!" he chanted, keeps hitting himself.
"Leave BTS..."
"And stay with me...forever..."
Two shots were fired. A falling body. Blood on the ground. The wide eyes as the soul been ripped through the body. Namjoon watched in horror. He stared at the lifeless body. The heart was beating rapidly.
Namjoon moves his hand forward to touch, to make sure he is not dead yet. When his finger was an inch far, suddenly the man tilted his head and glared at Namjoon with his blood-shot eyes.
"You promised me, Namjoon!"
Namjoon wheezed and attempt to run but the said male seized his hand firmly. Namjoon screamed while he is struggling to escape. But the grip was too strong, and the said male was laughing out loud watching over him. Namjoon just cried his lung out, begging for the male to let him go and sobbing for help.
"Namjoon!"
Namjoon couldn't hear someone has shouted his name due to the loud ringing over his ears. When someone clutched his hand, Namjoon shrieked at the foreign touch. He tried to pull his arm from the stranger but it's a futile attempt.
"Namjoon-ah, it's Eomma..."
Namjoon's eyes snapped open and looked at his mother with quivering eyes. He was heaving but his body won't stop shaking.
"Baby...you're safe here. Please come down..." his mother continues to coax. She pats on his head, stroking his damp hair fondly. "It's okay, Eomma here...you are safe now..."
But she never expected Namjoon to whack her hand harshly, preventing her from touching his head. Mrs. Kim was surprised at the action. "Nam-Namjoon?"
Namjoon ignores her and curled himself like a ball. His hand covered his ears again when the inaudible voices continue to whisper to his ears. When his mother aims to pull away his hand, Namjoon screamed in terror, making his mother jump slightly, stumble backward with an apparent shock over her face.
A foul smell assaulted his nostril. The images of blood and a dead body on the ground makes him nauseated. Namjoon coughed further, finding something stuck in his throat - like someone is choking him. He vigorously scratched his neck, until his skin got underneath his nail and start to bleed. But he can't feel the pain except wheezing so hard to catch his breath.
"Oh God, Namjoon!"
Mrs. Kim realized he couldn't control her son by herself. She quickly rushed out of the room, shouting for the doctor and the nurses to come and to help Namjoon. They quickly act on the call, bursting into the room. One of the nurses dragged Mrs. Kim out from the room, while the rest attended Namjoon.
Mrs. Kim cried when she can't see her son, but she understands the procedure. She took out her phone and quickly called her husband. Her heart was pounding so hard that she believes she might have a heart attack. Everything happens in a blink and for the first time, she saw how broken her son was.
Five minutes later her husband appeared, sprinting to her with sheer of fears. She explained to him and he squinted at the closed door. He then draped his arm over his wife's shoulder, attempted to alleviate the worry. He can feel how she melt into his arm, and her tense body loosened a bit even though her heart is still beating violently.
The six members of BTS were enthusiastic to see Namjoon the next day. They couldn't even sleep properly last night, waiting for the sun to rise quickly so they can finally meet their leader. After four days of living in nightmares, their faces were beaming and glowing. Sejin had picked the boys at their dorm in the afternoon, heading to the hospital.
Their legs slower down when they saw Namjoon's parents sitting outside of Namjoon's room. They were exhausted, and they also notice the swollen eyes belong to Mrs. Kim. They bow at the elders politely, greeting them with a smile on their face.
"What are you doing here Mrs. Kim?" asked Sejin respectfully.
Mrs. Kim sighed and glanced at her husband for a second before she looks at the six boys and their manager. "We were waiting for you..." she said warily and noticed the change of their expression afterward.
"What - what is it? Is there something happen to Namjoon?" Seokjin asked hastily.
Mrs. Ki m let out a heavy sigh. "The doctor is waiting for us in his room..." she states.
Everyone was dreaded at the statement, looking bewildered at Mr. Kim and his wife.
"What happened to him? Is he okay?" interrupts Jungkook, impatiently needing to know about Namjoon.
Seokjin glared at the young boy, disliking his behavior even though he was eager to know the same too. It wasn't right for Jungkook to interrupt the elder. It's disrespectful and lacks mannerism.
"Is everything okay? " Seokjin queried with a genuine concern in his shaky voice.
Mrs. Kim let out a soft sniffle, giving the red alarm to the boys. "Namjoon, he -" she paused for a second, inhaling a deep breath before she continues to speak. "Namjoon has awake last night..."
The six boys let out a relief sighed at the news but then looking at Mrs. Kim confusedly. Didn't know the reason as to why the elder woman doesn't look happy at all.
"Mrs. Kim?" Yoongi then desperately interfere. His heart is beating rapidly, and he didn't like how his mind is contemplating something worst right now.
"He had an attack last night..." she finally said, now tears rolling down to his cheek and her husband snaked his arm over her shoulder - giving her the strength needed.
Everyone gasped at the new information, eyes widen in horror. "Attack? What do you mean by that? What kind of attack?" Seokjin then demanded.
"He was screaming and had a panic attack when he's awake. He - he could not recognize me at all or his father... Even the doctor came to see him, he keeps screaming and didn't let anyone touch him..." she explained, pain evidently can be heard in her voice.
The six boys were shocked to hear the explanation. Jimin and Jungkook already shed the agony tears meanwhile Taehyung and Hoseok have been speechless all the time. Only Seokjin and Yoongi look calmer than the rest.
"What - what happens to him exactly?" queried Yoongi.
"We should listen to the doctor's explanation..." she further said.
Seokjin shuddered in fear, stealing a glance at Yoongi; having the same expression as his. Meanwhile, the others looking so lost and confused at the current development of their leader. Says nothing further, everyone went to the doctor's room with mixtures of emotions.
"How serious is this?" Seokjin asked. He wasn't trying to overtake the roles of Namjoon's parent, but no one was willing to say anything as they had been sitting in the doctor's room for almost five minutes. And Seokjin decided to take the first action.
Namjoon's parent was grateful at his courteous action. Mr. Kim gives him a small pat on his back and Seokjin rest assured that now he has the permission to take the lead. He feels responsible as he is the eldest among the six boys.
"He's having a withdrawal syndrome..." Dr. Han, the same doctor that treated Namjoon last night; delivering the news to the family and friends of his patient.
Everyone frowned at the remark and almost simultaneously mumbling the same words in confusion.
"Withdrawal syndrome?"
Dr. Han nods his head. "Early prognosis last night that he had a panic attack because his mind still being trapped at the same moment where he was kidnapped. That's why he had the symptoms of anxiousness, fear, and cautious of his surroundings. His brain is playing the trick to him..." he further explained with a serious expression.
"He couldn't recognize me at all and keep hurting himself. Is that - is that normal?" asked Mrs. Kim with a shaking voice as his eyes blurred with unshed tears.
The six boys were surprised at the statement, looking at Namjoon's mother ghastly and their hearts almost combust at the dreadful feeling. It's much more terrifying than the time when Namjoon went missing for days and been kidnapped. This is unforeseen circumstances, and they didn't know how to face it at the moment. It's been too much for them. Mentally and physically.
Dr. Han can read their morose mood at the early prognosis. As to what is coming, he wasn't sure whether everyone will be able to accept it or not. But he hopes everyone can be emotionally stable for the future endeavor.
"That's a common symptom and reaction when someone had a panic attack. I had discussed this with one of my colleagues, a psychiatrist to be exact..."
"What do you mean a psychiatrist? Are you saying that Namjoon is going crazy??" Taehyung snarled at the doctor, obviously disliking how a psychiatrist has to be involved in Namjoon's case.
"Tae... calm down and listen to the doctor first!" Seokjin reprimand, glaring at the younger. He understands the concern and Taehyung have been quiet for most of the time. It makes everyone kind of worry but for him to burst out like this is not appropriate.
Taehyung chided at the elder, crossing his arm to his chest begrudgingly. "Joon-hyung not crazy..." he mumbled to himself but audible enough for everyone to hear him. Which he impishly intended.
"We were in an opinion that he needs therapy after his second attack..." Dr. Han states calmly and as his eyes move to each one in the room before he stopped at Taehyung.
Taehyung gulped at the piercing gaze. "Sec - second attack?" he stuttered.
"What do you mean by the second attack? I thought he only had one last night?" Yoongi confusedly asked.
"It's happened when he asked about Hakyon and Seungjae this morning..." Mrs. Kim spoke. She didn't wait for the other to say anything as she continues, "I thought he was fine after the attack last night. He wakes up calmer than before and he was happy to see me and his father. He seems okay and when he asked where's Seungjae and Hakyon, I didn't hesitate at all to tell him that both of them were dead..."
Mrs. Kim then cried her heart out, couldn't speak further due to the anguish that had descended upon her, been overwhelmed with the horrifying experience of seeing how broken her son was.
"He didn't take the news really well..." Mr. Kim speaks as he wanted to take the burden to explain to the boys from his wife. She was emotionally drained since last night. It's his responsibility to clarify the rest.
"Namjoon was too shocked to know that Seungjae and Hakyon died that night. He didn't say anything at all. Didn't move at all. Didn't have the panic attack like last night. He was silent. He stays like that for a few minutes when I realized there's something wrong with him..."
Seokjin obviously didn't like how the situation goes from bad to worst. Yoongi has been fidgeting on his seat and the rest of the boys keep mumbling something inaudible.
"He has a frozen fright," interrupts Dr. Han as he can see the restlessness of the BTS members.
"Frozen fright? What is that?" Jimin asked timidly. His eyes were red as he tried not to cry. He thought the incident in the mortuary already scared him to death. He thought after Namjoon was safe and finally can meet him again, it turns out to be nothing like that. This is much more horrendous than before.
"It's a condition where you were extremely shocked or scared that you can't move your body. You become paralyzed for a certain period. Many people who "freeze" report little or no memory of the trauma. Consider how that might preserve your sanity or protect you from psychological harm. This also known as 'standstill' ..."
Most of them hold their breath at the description as their brain try to analyze and to understand the seriousness of the statement. They are not geniuses like Namjoon with IQ 148 for them to easily understand the terms used by the doctor. But neither of them was dumb enough not to comprehend the severity of it.
"Freezing might shut down your attentional systems so that you don't process what is happening to you. The event is so shocking, so overwhelming, so unbelievable, it's speculated you experience a "red-out", where intense emotions prevent you from encoding information about the trauma you are experiencing," Dr. Han continues to explain Namjoon's current situation.
Taehyung groaned at the lengthy explanation. "Ugh, that makes my head hurt!" he muttered while massaging his temple. He ignores all the scowls thrown at him and shrugged when Seokjin seethed at him.
Seokjin sighed at the younger behavior. Making a mental note to himself that he's going to deal with Taehyung later.
"Is it dangerous? I mean to his health?" Seokjin inquired.
Dr. Han gives a small smile to the eldest member. "I understand everyone's concern here -" he stopped when he heard Taehyung snickers at him. He chuckles at the childish attitude.
"Tae!" Jimin's turn to scold at the said male, pinching his thigh harshly. Taehyung grimaced in pain and later pouted his lips towards Jimin.
"What? The doctor keeps on telling us all the bullshit so that we will think that Namjoon - hyung had lost his mind due to the trauma! He's trying to make us send Namjoon to the asylum!!" Taehyung barked at Jimin and then look at the doctor venomously.
"That's not what the doctor meant, Tae!" Hoseok then said, amused at how twisted Taehyung's mind in analyzing the situation.
Taehyung quickly rebutted the main dancer. "Then why he keeps saying that Namjoon - hyung needs therapy? He just needs to stay at the hospital for a few days. He'll be fine when he sees us, hyung! You know how he loves all of us and how he trusted us to be his caregiver. All he needs is us! Enough!"
Hoseok attempted to reply to the younger's weird reasoning before Dr. Han raised his hand to stop the said male. He clears his throat before he speaks.
"Taehyung-ssi has a good point..." he admitted.
"See?" Taehyung smirk victoriously, making a comical expression that makes all his members roll their eyes at his antics.
"For someone who had gone a traumatic event, there are few ways to treat them. First, by way of therapy because he needs medical attention from the expert. Not necessarily that he will be sent to the asylum. That's only for a severe case where no one can handle the patient. Namjoon is not up that stage yet..."
Everyone nods their head in understanding, listening to the explanation tentatively. Including Taehyung. Dr. Han managed to pique his interest in the subject. Well, anything as long as Namjoon will be fine and healthy again.
"Second, it is important to provide a safe and secure environment for the patient. This usually can be provided by the loved one; family and friends. It is important for the family members to help the patient to go through the healing process, giving him all the assurance and love to go through it..."
"We - we can do that..." Mrs. Kim said with a firm tone and being agreed with her husband. The boys also nod their heads in agreement.
Dr. Han smile. "Family and friends can support him by listening, being patient, and focusing on their freedom instead of engaging in negative talk about the captors. It's more important for us to let him feel safe first before we can talk about the event..."
"We understand Dr. Han..." answered Yoongi softly.
"As we talk about Namjoon's situation and condition, it is important to realize that all of you have been confronted with numerous issues in coping with fears and uncertainties as well and may also need support in dealing with your own emotional reactions," Dr. Han continues.
Everyone was in silence at the statement, admitting that they were being gravely affected by what had happened to Namjoon also. It's tiring them out, emotional and physical. But for now, what are they aim to make sure Namjoon is okay. Anything about them can wait. They just want Namjoon to be fine again.
"We will try our best to help Namjoon..." said Seokjin meanwhile the others hum, supporting the elder's words.
"Can we see him now?" Jungkook asks desperately. Their conversation has been taking too long and he just wants to see his leader. Everything can be discussed later. He wants to go see his hyung and gives him the hug he needed.
Dr. Han sighed before he bobs his head. He led everyone again to Namjoon's room. When they were in front of the room, Dr. Han halted for a second as his hand on the door. He turned his body to the group, eyeing each of them intently.
"I would like to give all of you a warning..." he said to the BTS members particularly.
The boys frowning and they glanced at Namjoon's parent asking for an answer. But their heart skipped a bit at the gloomy faces of the two. Their hearts start to race again.
"Don't freak out. Whatever it is, it's for his sake and safety. We have to sedate him to make sure he didn't hurt himself again. And - " Dr. Han warned.
Jungkook gritted his teeth at the words, marched forward, and pushed the doctor aside. He slides open the door and entered the room leaving the rest to surprise at his act but follows suit a second later.
Jungkook eyes widen in horror when he saw Namjoon on his bed. His eyes quiver in rage and he balled his fist tightly before he snapped his head towards Dr. Han with a piercing gaze.
"What the fuck did you do to him???" he yelled, and his loud voice echoed in the room.
Seokjin and the rest hastily approached the maknae in confusion before their eyes laid upon Namjoon's unconscious body on the bed. At instances, everyone sees red. Their ears ringing loudly as they couldn't hold their anger for what had they just saw.
It's all hell broken loose. Jungkook pounced over the doctor and punching him directly to his face. Namjoon's mother screamed in shock. Jimin and Hoseok tried to release Jungkook's hand on the doctor. Namjoon's father was stunned to see the harrowing incident. Seokjin and Yoongi were speechless. It's total chaos in the room.
Taehyung approached Namjoon's bed slowly. His tears cascade through his long eyelashes. His sobs managed to escape from his red lips and when he grabs on Namjoon's cold hand, Taehyung breaks into the most sorrowful cry.
There, lying on the bed - Namjoon, his hyung, his leader, his Joonie. Unconscious. Face full of bruises. His plump lips were chapped and got cuts at both ends. He looks so calm and peaceful in his sleep.
But that wasn't the reason why Jungkook has lost his sanity. Taehyung stares at his hyung, scanning his body as his heart clenched at the heartbreaking view.
"Hyu - hyung..." his voice trembled.
Taehyung's whole body was shaking. He couldn't believe what he just saw. Namjoon looks terrible. Both hands have been tied up to the pole of the headboard. His feet have also been tied to the end of the bed.
There're scratches mark all over his neck and his cheeks. Both of his hands and feet look nasty red. An indication that he was struggling so much that it left with those ugly marks on his wrists and ankles.
Taehyung cried harder and threw himself onto Namjoon in a paroxysm of frenzied agony.
"Hyung!!!!"
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Notes:
Well, it's been a while since my last updates. I know that some of you might have forgotten the story lol. Regardless, I want to thank those who are still with me and patiently waiting for me to update this book.
I hope it's worth the wait tho.
I miss writing this book. And I hope it won't take too long for me to update again.
Thank you for the supports!
I 💜 U
REFERENCES;-
1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2627800/
2. https://theconversation.com/paralysed-with-fear-why-do-we-freeze-when-frightened-60543
Chapter 52: 𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙔-𝙊𝙉𝙀
Notes:
zoetic
zo·et·ic | \ zōˈetik \
of or relating to life: living, vital
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It's hard.
When Namjoon goes missing for days, it's hard for the six of them to deal with the loss. Every second were torturous, and they keep losing their sanity pondering each second whether Namjoon is alive or not.
However, nothing can be compared with the awful feeling of seeing their strong and charismatic leader been bound to the bed; both hands and feet just to make sure he didn't hurt himself.
It's the hardest.
Jungkook lost his conscience at the painful sight, punching the doctor on the face – creating a chaotic scene in the room. It took Hoseok and Jimin to pull him off from murdering the doctor before Sejin dragged out Doctor Han outside of the room. He proceeded to bow in ninety degrees apologetically and ashamed at Jungkook's immature attitude.
Albeit the bruise over his cheek and the excruciating pain around it, Doctor Han has no intention to press charge the golden maknae for an assault. He further explained that he had used to such aggravating reaction from the family members. Nevertheless, he fully understands their unstable emotion in dealing with such a harrowing situation. Sejin couldn't be thankful enough for the kindhearted doctor and promise to send him the BTS's tour ticket for the whole year. Lucky for him, his wife is an army.
It's a painful sight for everyone in the room. They never imagined that they would see Namjoon in that state. Not even for once in their life they ever thought such a horrendous view will be surreal. This is not what they were expecting after they had found Namjoon.
They conjured a happy reunion with their leader. They will cry but it's absolutely a happy tear. They will squeeze Namjoon into a bone-hugging tight and later they will be laughing at Seokjin's dad jokes and how ugly Jungkook's face when he cried, overwhelmed by the situation.
But this...
Their heart was broken into a million pieces. As far as Namjoon looks so serene in his deep sleep, nothing can denote how much it's hurting to see his hands and feet were bound in a tight rope. They sneered at the sight of the nasty red marks around his wrist and ankle.
Namjoon doesn't deserve to be treated like this. They want to scream and scold the doctor to unleash him pronto, but they also realized that this might be the best solution for Namjoon. They understand the explanation, trying to discern the extreme measure in handling the crisis.
Seokjin takes Namjoon calloused hand, carefully caressed the back of his hand with his thumb. His dam break and the tears overflow to his milky cheeks which later turn into a series of sobs.
He lets his anguish overtake the quietness in the room. He ignores the whining from the maknae line. He catches up on Yoongi's heavy breath and Hoseok's little groaned as he rubs his face roughly. Everyone shares the same agony with the eldest. They had been dealing with the same situation in different ways.
"He didn't deserve this..." whispered Seokjin with a croaking voice, but everyone can hear him clearly.
"We pushed him to Sukh – " Hoseok stalled a second. "that fucking Hakyon!" he continues with rage.
"We didn't know..." said Yoongi exasperatedly.
Jungkook snapped towards the rapper, gritting his teeth in anger. "Namjoon-hyung won't be here if we trust him enough..." he panted out of anger before he continues, "...If you trust him enough..." he said venomously, emphasizing the words 'you'.
"Jungkook, don't –"Jimin trying to reprimand the youngest, but Jungkook pulled away his arm from Jimin.
Jimin sighed exasperatedly, getting the headache in dealing with everyone's antics. Yoongi steals a glance at the golden maknae before his eyes moved towards Namjoon. He fisted his hand into a tight ball, shutting his eyes as he didn't have the gut to look at the binds on Namjoon's hand and feet. It's inhuman and his heart hurts at the view.
"You are the main reason why Hakyon managed to kidnap Namjoon-hyung that night. You are the reason why Namjoon-hyung is like this. You are the reason...:"
"Enough, Jungkook!"
Jungkook flinched at the harsh tone hurls by Seokjin. He huffed in frustration as he still sought to scold the eldest rapper of the group. But Seokjin's penetrating gaze makes him cowered instantly.
"We had enough of the blaming game! We shouldn't point our fingers towards each other at this time. Namjoon needs us. He needs us as his friend, his brother, and – and..." there's a lump on his throat, being emotional as he tightens his grip on Namjoon's cold hand.
"And as his caregivers..." he continued. Seokjin's eyes were peering at each of his members. The eyes were full of hopes and longing that everyone stay put and set aside their anger for the sake of Namjoon.
Jungkook let out a shaky breath and slowly his tense body loosen up a bit. He breathed in and out to control his anger. Jimin pats on his shoulder and gives him a weak smile. Jungkook reciprocates the same.
"I agree with Jin-hyung. This is not the time for us to argue with each other. We should be thankful that Namjoon-hyung is safe. It is the moment for us to redeem our mistakes. Namjoon-hyung didn't need our shitty attitudes at all. We should be together and helped Namjoon-hyung to get better..." Taehyung chimed in, in agreement with Seokjin.
Seokjin looks at the vocalist, giving him a brief nod as an appreciation for his thoughtful speech. Seokjin stared over Yoongi who remained silent throughout the conversation. It does not take a second to know that the said male looks worst than the rest.
Yoongi is as miserable as the others. From the day he had come to know the truth about Hakyon until today – he keeps blaming himself for the mistreatment he had given to their leader. Seokjin knows, how hard the reality had struck and how painful it is for them to deal.
It wasn't easy but Seokjin didn't want anyone to have a breakdown in the middle of the crisis. Their main priority is Namjoon right now. Their feelings and suffering don't weigh as much as Namjoon is carrying right now.
"Everyone should stop being selfish and childish...Namjoon needs us. We shouldn't fall apart before him..." Seokjin said with a forlorn voice.
Jungkook was about to comment when the door to the room been slide open. Their attention shifted towards the newly arrived visitors. They quickly straighten their posture and bowed politely as Namjoon's parents entered the room.
Seokjin rose from his seat, intended to give it to Mrs. Kim but halted when the lady waved her hand dismissively and pointed at the corner of the room where a set of couches have been placed.
"Let's talk..." she said with a grim voice.
Everyone shuddered at the tone, throwing glances at the members anxiously. Nevertheless, they joined the husband and wife with a pounding heart. As everyone takes their position on the divan, facing the couple – there is an unexpected circumstance that makes everyone in the room flabbergasted.
Everyone was appalled to see Yoongi is now kneeling in front of Namjoon's parents. His head dangled down in shame and both of his hands were fisted like a ball, resting on his thigh – slightly shaking.
"Yoongi..." Mrs. Kim was speechless as she stares at the young man.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Kim. This – this happened because of me!" Yoongi's voice croaked. His eyes fixated on the floor, too ashamed to face the mother.
Mrs. Kim holds her breath, could not expect Yoongi to apologize. She sneaks a glance at her husband beside her and she noticed the ominous expression. He did not say anything, but Mrs. Kim can read the mind of her husband clearly.
"I – I'm the reason why Hakyon kidnapped Namjoon. If – if I trusted him more than Hakyon – if – if I listened to his explanation that night..." Yoongi paused for a few seconds and gritted his teeth at the memory and his heart clenched replaying the incident.
He lifted his head slowly, collecting all the strength that still in him to look in the eyes of Namjoon's parents. His heart skipped a beat when he met with Mr. Kim's dour eyes.
"I shouldn't treat Namjoon like that. If I ever acted maturely Namjoon will never end up like this. I – I'm really sorry..." Yoongi then bowed his head in remorse, touching the cold floor to show his sincerity. The act might not be able to reflect the candour of his heart but it's the risk he is willing to take.
The rest of the BTS members silently watched in nervousness as they awaited Mr. Kim and Mrs. Kim to say something.
"Please Yoongi, get up from the floor..." Mrs. Kim said with her soft and tender voice.
"Mrs. Kim, I'm – "
"Get up and no need for you to do this..."
Yoongi shuddered at the low and guttural voice belongs to Mr. Kim. He breaks into a cold sweat when he looks at the grievous face of the said older male.
Mrs. Kim taps on her husband's hand subtly, giving him a hint to calm down. She noticed how Yoongi's flinched in fear at her husband's harsh tone just now. She didn't want to start another fight in the room where her son is still lying unconscious on his sickbed.
"Get up, Yoongi..." she further instructed.
Yoongi hesitated. "But – "
"Take a seat so we can have a proper talk about this..." she said.
Yoongi gulped and nodded his head before he took the seat in front of the two elders.
"Listen, Yoongi. And to all of you..." Mrs. Kim starts her speech by addressing the BTS members, flickering on them one by one. They are obviously surprised and worried as they stand behind Yoongi.
"As a parent, of course, what had happened to Namjoon broke our heart. We love him so much and keeps on supporting him in whatever he had decided in his life. When he decided to pursue his dream to become an artist, we tried our best to be as supportive as we can. Because he is our son, and we know much he loves music. And we were glad that he managed to carry out his dream and become what he is today..."
There is a sense of pride in Mrs. Kim's voice and the member of BTS noticed how her face beamed as she talked about her precious son. She's proud of Namjoon and what had he achieved today. All the members were proud of Kim Namjoon too. There's no doubt about it. Namjoon is the best leader that succeeds to bring BTS on top of the world. No argument.
"For him to meet the six of you..."
Everyone eyes on Mrs. Kim as she continues to speak. She stares at each of them with her soft gaze and curves into a smile that managed to touch the BTS member's heart at her motherly gestures. Its soothe their anxiety and they give back the same smile to her in content.
"The biggest blessing in his life. Namjoon – he always told us how happy he was to be with all of you as BTS. The friends and family that he treasured in his heart, dearly. He considered all of you as his dearest, the most important person in his life besides us. He loves all of you equally – wholeheartedly..." she speaks with her soft voice, shaking a bit at the end as she tried to compose herself.
The six men had unshed tears in their eyes. Looking at Mrs. Kim with a mixture of emotions.
"I and his father were grateful to all of you for being with him all these years. We know how hard it is for all of you to pursue your dreams in music. We were thankful that you have each other to walk through the path...." She continued with a steadier voice. Smiles never disappeared on her face.
"- and we are also thankful to all of you for being so accepting of his condition. We feel at ease that he had someone to care for him whenever he regressed as a little. We believe that all of you can be a great caregiver to him. All of you have been with him for years. Knows and understands his worry more than us...."
"But we failed to be one..." Seokjin quickly retorts. There's guilt and shame sit in his voice as his eyes redden with tears. The rest seems to agree with the eldest as they bow their head.
Mrs. Kim chuckles at the declaration. "It is an obvious lie if I said that we are not disappointed with all this. We are mad, angry, and sad. We didn't foresee something horrible will happen to our son like this. Never had imagined we are going to sit here in this hospital, being hopeless..."
"We're sorry..." whispered Hoseok, lips quivered in agony.
Mrs. Kim shakes her head. "We are not perfect. We are just human beings. We tend to make mistakes. But how we mend ourselves what makes us different from others. I know it is hard for us right now. We need to be strong for Namjoon's sake. And for that I want all of us to help each other. For Namjoon..." she further said.
To say Seokjin and the rest were shocked at the saying is an understatement. They didn't expect Mrs. Kim to be so thoughtful and understanding. To be so forgiving despite all their wrongdoings. They were speechless, looking at her with disbelief. But what about Mr. Kim?
When they met with the sharp and dark eyes of the father, the six of them gulped. However, when the said male nods at them with a small smile, their hearts almost combust at the exhilarating feeling.
And they finally know from whom Namjoon had gotten his big heart all this while. The upbringing of his parent makes him one. They were blessed to have Namjoon in their life.
Namjoon feels his body sinking to the bottom of the ocean. His limbs swaying and swimming but having no control of it. Couldn't even move a single finger. When he inhales the air, he was surprised that he managed to breathe underwater. But still, the eyelids feel so heavy, and he is striving to open them.
Namjoon falling and falling. His heart beating so fast as he is struggling to swim to the surface. Once he opened his eyes, Namjoon sucked in with a gasp at the darkness around him. Yet, it is strange. He can breathe easily.
But where is he?
And this is kind of Deja Vu to him. As if, he used to be here. Namjoon eyes widen when he sees a small light in front of him – not too far away. He moves his arms and legs, swimming towards the light. The illumination drives him further and further until it is too bright and Namjoon shuts his eyes tightly.
Then it's cold. Extremely cold. He slowly opened his eyes and frowned at the sight. It's a room. An empty room with a peculiar white colour. He can smell strong disinfection in the room. He scrunched his nose at the stinging sensation striking his nostril. He looks around the room with confusion before he heard a click.
Namjoon turned to his left, from where the sound is coming. Then he can hear a chattering sound. It's indistinct and Namjoon walks towards the voices. The frown on his face deepened when he heard a crying sound and later a loud screaming. Namjoon immediately covered both of his ears at the deafening voice.
At the end of the room, he can see someone lying on a bed, covered with a white blanket up to his head. Namjoon gasped when he realized that his bandmates were there too, standing nearby the bed. Their faces contorted with an unfathomable despondency. As if they were grieving over something.
"Guys?" he tried to call them since they weren't aware of his presence in the room. But no one turns to look at him. Namjoon fretted at the lack of response. "Guys?" he called again with a louder voice. It echoed in the room. But still no reaction from his friends.
"Noooo!! Hyung!!!!!!"
Namjoon shuddered when Jimin howled an anguished scream in the room. Namjoon quickly strode towards the small vocalist, as Hoseok is trying to calm him down.
"Jimin! For God's sake, calm down! Look at me! Listen to me, Jimin!"
Jimin wasn't listening to the rapper and Namjoon desperately wanted to hold Jimin in his arms. But for some reason, he couldn't touch him at all.
"Not Nam - Namjoon...." Jimin mumbled as he continues to sob.
"Yes, it's not Namjoon... It's not our Joonie..."
Namjoon's legs halted at the mention of his name. He looks at Jimin and Hoseok in confusion. He notices all of them were looking at the body underneath the cover and he tilted to see the same. Namjoon's lips parted in shock when he saw the bloodied face.
"Seung – Seungjae??" Namjoon's whole body was trembling, horrified to see the lifeless body of Seungjae. His brain works in overdrive as he tries to think about what had happened to the young boy.
His shaking legs moves a few steps backward and he fell onto the floor. Too shocked at the fact that Seungjae is dead. Namjoon couldn't remember how and when, his brain couldn't find the memory anywhere.
What happened? He keeps asking the same thing to himself. Suddenly the room becomes dark again. Namjoon gasped in horror as he can't see anything. He tried to get up, but something has strained his two legs. He also couldn't move his hands as if it has been tied up to something.
Namjoon pulled his hands to release himself from the unseen bind, as hard as he can but it was a futile attempt. He hissed at the pain on both of his wrist and ankles as the rope brushed over his skin.
"Guys???" he screamed for his bandmates to help him. "Help me, please!" he begged while dragging his hands from whatsoever ropes been used to strap him.
Namjoon growled in anger as no one coming for him. Where were they? They were in the same room just now! Can't they hear his voice? He had so many questions but there's no answer to any of them. It's frustrating.
Namjoon tried to free himself once again, pulling his hand a bit stronger than before. Namjoon can feel the burn on his wrist caused by the binder but choose to ignore it. He needs to escape from there. He needs to find his bandmates again and asked them what is going on with him and the rest.
"Please – please – please – please –" he chanted desperately. He writhed anxiously, feeling hopeless at his current situation. He said his prayers for someone to come and help him despite being an atheist for his whole life. He will do anything to get out of the darkroom, even if he has to be a believer. It's nonsensical but it is his survival compromise.
"Joon?'
His ears perked at the distance voice. So soft and soothing. Who?
"Hey, Joon... Can you hear me?" the same voice asked.
Namjoon nodded but then realized it is too dark for the said person to see him. He hummed and said yes.
"Stop moving and open your eyes, please?" the voice pleaded.
Namjoon frets at the instruction. His eyes were already wide open though. Why is he asking the obvious?
"Listen to me, okay. Open your eyes slowly..."
Namjoon huffed in irritation. That person should turn on the light first before asking him to do so. It's ridiculous. He whimpered when a hand clung on his arm, refraining him from making a shift even a slight.
"Hey, don't move too much. You'll hurt yourself..."
Namjoon whined as the rope brushed over the abrasion on his wrist. Its sting and his eyes now shimmering with tears. He wanted the stranger to remove the bind before it becomes worst. Why is that person do nothing about it? Can't he see he is hurting?
"Joon...:"
Namjoon's heart skipped a beat. Joon? The name sounds familiar. And there's a weird sensation filling up his whole body. Like, he is suddenly floating. His brain freezes and distantly wandering. It's weirdly comforting but at the same time, it makes him scared. He couldn't control his own body and that's terrifying.
"Joon-ah... I'm here. We're here for you..." the said person once again speaks to him.
I? We? Who?
Namjoon further whined as he couldn't move nor speak, falling to follow an easy instruction. A sob managed to slip through his lips and Namjoon didn't know why he starts to cry like a baby. He fights to see the owner of the voice in the dark, broaden his eyes before he was assaulted by a lucent white light.
Namjoon grumbled at the sudden brightness, squeezing shut his eyes in exasperation. He breathed heavily before lifting his eyelids gradually. Namjoon blinks his eyes to adapt to the new light before he tilted his head to the side.
"Namjoon!!"
Namjoon grimaced at the raucous crying, and someone makes a shushed sound to quieten the voices.
"Hey, Namjoon..."
Namjoon eyes darted to the voice, now finally can see the owner of the beautiful voice. Someone with blonde hair, plump lips, and round eyes. Namjoon bat his eyelashes watching the handsome man in front of him.
"Where – where am I?" he asked and was surprised to hear how rough his voice was.
"You're at the hospital..."
Namjoon glowered at the answer. "Hospital? Why? What – " he was confused and tried to get up from the bed when he realized his hands were bound on the bed tightly. Namjoon looked down and gasped when he saw his legs have been strapped too.
It's true! It's true! This is not a dream!
His heart beats erratically inside his ribcage. Namjoon couldn't help from being panicked at the situation he was in. He attempted to yank his hand from the binder but failed to do so.
"Hey don't do that..."
Namjoon ignored whosoever said that to him. The only thing in his mind right now is that he needs to escape the place. He was in total panic and become hysterical, trashing on the bed violently. When someone grabbed his hand to stop him from doing so, Namjoon let out a blood-curdling scream.
"Namjoon! Namjoon! Namjoon!"
Everyone in the room was shocked at the situation, and Mrs. Kim pushed the emergency beside the bed. Seokjin still trying his best to cajole the younger, holding onto Namjoon's shoulder and pinned him to bed to refrained him from hurting himself further. Mr. Kim hard-pressed his hand on Namjoon's leg, being assisted by Hoseok and Taehyung. The rest stepped aside, watching the whole commotion with wide eyes.
Within a few seconds, the doctor and two nurses barged into the room. Seokjin slides in slightly to give the doctor some space to examine Namjoon. It is proven hard in doing so while Namjoon is still screaming and putting on a fight fiercely.
"If he didn't stop struggling, I need to use the morphine to calm him down..." suggests Doctor Han with forethought.
Everyone draws their breath sharply at the indication. They glanced at Namjoon for a second, contemplating whether it is a good decision to use such a drug on Namjoon. They could imagine the repercussions of administering the drug to the human body. When it seems the right choice in the situation but at the same time the aftereffect is harrowing.
"Do we have another option? I don't want my son to – to..." Mrs. Kim trying to decline the use of the drug.
Doctor Han sighed deeply. "Mrs. Kim, I'm afraid that –"
"Let me try to talk to him first..." Seokjin chimed in hastily. He still held on to Namjoon, gritting his teeth as the said male resisted with unknown strength despite his injury.
"But..."
"Let me try and if I failed then you can do whatever it takes to help him..." Seokjin quickly retorts.
Doctor Han reluctantly agrees and moves away from the bed. He nods his head towards the two nurses, directing them to give the space needed by Seokjin.
Seokjin inhaled, composing himself before he paid his attention to Namjoon once again. "Namjoonie..."
Namjoon still crying and couldn't grasp his surrounding clearly. He omits the burning sensation on his wrist and ankles as he continues to fight with whoever is holding him right now.
"Namjoon-ah... look at me, please. It's me Seokjin..." Seokjin said with a tender voice, attempting to penetrate Namjoon's confused mind. He knows that he has to be careful and treated the leader with care and gentleness.
"No – no – no... go away!!!" Namjoon screeched with his hoarse voice.
Seokjin grimaced at the painful sound but has no intention to loosen up his grip on Namjoon's shoulder. He noticed that Mr. Kim, Hoseok, and Taehyung also didn't let their hands off on Namjoon's leg. He silently thankful for the help. He really needs that.
"Joonie darling..." wooed Seokjin, choosing up his second option in confronting Namjoon.
Namjoon's body instantaneously froze at the nickname. He stops struggling at once and his tense body slowly dipped into the soft mattress. He stares at the ceiling blankly, evidently still processing what is going on with him.
Seokjin's heart missed a beat at the response. "Hey, baby. Can you hear me?" he queried carefully.
Namjoon whimpered but doesn't make an effort to look at Seokjin. His mind was fuzzy. He couldn't move his limbs even if he tried to. He was in a fight or flight mode. His body and mind befell into a standstill.
Seokjin noticed the odd reaction, turned his head to Doctor Han in concern but the doctor asked him to proceed cautiously. Seokjin gets the hang of the hints and carries on talking to Namjoon.
"Are you listening to me, Joonie?" Seokjin smile when a soft whine escapes from Namjoon's crack lips. It assures him that Namjoon is under control right now. Slowly, he loosens up his hand over Namjoon's shoulder, knowing that the male won't fight back anymore. He then grabs one of Namjoon's hands, stroking on top of it to pacify him.
Watching how Namjoon is more relax and calm, Mr. Kim also retreats himself, followed by Hoseok and Taehyung. Everyone looks a bit relieved at the progress and keeps their eyes on Seokjin and Namjoon in guard, just in case.
"Can you look at me?"
Namjoon squirmed and his tears rolling down to the side of his face. He couldn't move his body and he's terrified. He is afraid that someone might want to hurt him. The unknown fear was instilled in his mind subconsciously. Even though the voice doesn't appear intimidating, but Namjoon has to be careful.
"Baby...."
Namjoon whined at the name and a soft sob emitted from his pale lips.
"Don't be scared. You're safe here. No one is going to hurt you again. Just look...." Seokjin continues to coax the younger. He has the faith that Namjoon will be fine. He just needs to apply the right measure to gain the younger's trust.
Namjoon flinched when a cold hand touched his cheek and his body shaking like a leaf. However, his mind couldn't spiral further when the cold hand starts to caress his cheek softly. It is comforting and Namjoon closed his eyes enjoying the simple gesture. He loves it and his lips twitched into a content smile.
Seokjin chuckles at the cuteness when Namjoon almost drifts into sleep. He then gently strokes his hair with the other hand. "Hey, don't sleep. Open your eyes and look at me. Can you do that?" he said.
Namjoon pouted and puffed his cheek in annoyance at the demand. He lifted his eyelids gradually to look at the person. He was embraced by a beautiful smile of the said man and his heart fluttered at the view.
"Hey..." Seokjin said tenderly but couldn't hide how his voice is cracking when he speaks. He cupped Namjoon's face as the younger looks a bit agitated. "Don't worry, Joonie. It's me, Seokjin-hyung..."
Namjoon lips jutted and trembled as he tried not to cry. He noticed how red the rim of Seokjin's eyes. When a pearl of tears pitched through the thick eyelashes, Namjoon wheezed in surprise. He wants to wipe the tears from the beautiful face but then realized that he couldn't move his hand.
"Hey, it's okay baby..." Seokjin said when Namjoon tried to pull the strain on his hand. Lucky that he didn't put a fierce fight like before as his body had become lethargic due to his strenuous act earlier.
"He – hewp, Joonie pwease... No – no wanna this –" plead Namjoon in a slurred speech as he further regressed into little space. He slightly lifted his hand to show it to Seokjin. Literally asking for the elder to release the knot.
Seokjin curved into a sad smile. "It's okay, Joonie. Nothing to be scared of. We are here for you. I'll ask the doctor to release it if you promise to be a good boy. Okay?"
Namjoon frets at the bargain. "We?"
Seokjin nods. "Yes. We are here for you. Look..." Seokjin moves his body to make sure Namjoon can see everyone in the room.
Namjoon squirmed when he finally realized that there are few people in his room – staring at him intensely. Namjoon didn't like how their eyes were piercing into him directly. His body trembling at the attention and didn't realize that he had squeezed Seokjin's arm harshly.
Seokjin's face contorts in pain as the nails digging on his skin but do nothing about it. He understands Namjoon's fear. He needs to comfort the younger before he is having another episode.
Seokjin patted Namjoon's hand over his arm. "It's okay, baby. Appa is here..." Seokjin then inclined over Doctor Han, silently asked him to release the knot as Namjoon slowly becomes calmer than before. He believes that he can handle Namjoon for now.
Namjoon was restless when the two nurses finally untied his hands and legs, but Seokjin keeps on saying good things while he pats on Namjoon's chest, near to his heart. It managed to soothe him through the process.
Namjoon brings his hand to his chest, hissing when he saw the red marks on both of his wrists. He then let out a few sniffs with a jutted lip while holding his tears. "Ap – appa, Joonie has boo-boo..."
Seokjin smile sadly, holding the younger's hand carefully. It hurts to see the marks as if someone had jabbed a knife into his heart. "Don't worry, baby. Appa will make it disappear and you'll be fine again..."
Namjoon bobbed his head, believing every word uttered by Seokjin.
"Baby, look who is here. It's your family – our family..."
Namjoon's forehead frowned at the mention of family. "Fam – family?"
"It's your eomma and abeoji over there...." Seokjin says as he pointed towards Mr. and Mrs. Kim.
A sob managed to escape from his mouth when he recognizes his parent in instances. Despite not wearing glasses or contact lens, he can easily distinguish the silhouette of his slim-figure mother and his tall slender body belong to his father.
Mrs. Kim approached her son cautiously, doesn't want to scare him off. When Namjoon called her 'eomma' Mrs. Kim hugged his fragile body and cried her heart out. "My baby!" She's happy that Namjoon reciprocates the hug and tightly wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. And then, another hug came from his father – making Namjoon feels safer than ever.
"The others are here too, Joonie..." said Seokjin, breaking the moment between the three. He has no intention to interrupt the happy reunion, but he wants to make sure that Namjoon is aware that all the members were here for him too.
Namjoon peeked from his mother's shoulder before he hides his face on the crook of her neck. Not that he is scared of his own bandmates, but he feels shy suddenly that they were watching him intensely.
"Yoon – err – daddy is here too..." Seokjin hesitantly pointed at Yoongi, and the rapper clears his throat as his cheek was tinted with pink colour at the introduction. He steals a glance at Namjoon's parents as their eyes were on him – as if they were judging him.
To be honest, the bandmates didn't know whether Namjoon ever mentioned to his parent about their pet names when the leader is in little space. That makes all the six a bit nervous at the recognition and opinion about all the names as Seokjin called them one by one.
"Dad – daddy?" Namjoon timidly speaks, batting his eyelashes at Yoongi cutely.
Yoongi chuckles and headed for Namjoon. He stops at the bedsides and been contemplating over his further action before he just goes for it. "Hey, Joonie..." he pats on Namjoon's messy hair lovingly. And Namjoon bites his lips at the gestures. His cheek also turns rosy pink.
"Dada is here too, baby!" interrupt Jimin cheerily as he pushed himself in between Seokjin and Yoongi to sit on Namjoon's side. He ignores the growled let out by Yoongi and how Seokjin is rolling his eyes in annoyance.
Namjoon giggles at the funny interlude, making everyone cooed at his cuteness. Jimin's face beaming happily while he hugs Namjoon and kissed his cheek. Didn't care if Namjoon's parents misjudged him for that. He just wants to shower Namjoon with all the love he deserved.
"Don't forget I'm here too..."
Namjoon tilted his head and curled an ecstatic smile that his eyes turn into a crescent moon. "Papa..." he said, glad to see Hoseok is beaming in front of him, as bright as the sun, staring at him with full of love in his eyes.
"Baby, don't you miss hyungie?" Jungkook's turn to interfere, pulling Jimin away from the bed and takes his seat forcibly. Jimin groaned at his demeanour but has no intention to fight with the maknae since he knows how everyone is eager to talk to Namjoon.
Namjoon's eyes become round at the sight of Jungkook, feeling enthusiastic to see the youngest. When Jungkook taps his finger on Namjoon's button nose teasingly, Namjoon laughs heartily.
"I miss you, baby..." Jungkook stated with a shaken voice and caressed Namjoon's cheek softly with his thumb.
"Joon – Joonie miss – miss evewy one too..." Namjoon mumbled, playing with Jungkook's fingers. Namjoon raised his head to look at Jungkook and he grinned at the maknae. Jungkook chuckles at his cute antics, ruffling his hair mischievously.
Namjoon then notices how far Taehyung is standing from the bed, pouting when the said male seems to have no effort to get close to him. He wants Taehyung on his side too like the others.
Seokjin looks at Taehyung questionably too before he gestures at the vocalist to come and greet Namjoon like the others. He dragged the said male when he didn't take any step. Taehyung huffed in annoyance but still gives his half-hearted boxy smile to Namjoon.
"Hi, Joonie..." he waved awkwardly, eyes were glancing around anxiously.
Everyone frowned at his weird attitude, wondering what is wrong with Taehyung. They were accustomed to his odd behaviour all these years but in the current situation, it doesn't sit right with them.
"Hi, op – oppa..." Namjoon greets Taehyung with his tiny voice.
Taehyung almost choked his saliva as his eyes creeping over Namjoon's parent in distress. His heart makes a jump when their eyes meet. Both of them were looking at him with raised brows, evidently judging him critically at his caregiver's name.
Damn! Got caught in 4K!
The rest followed Taehyung's eyes and finally realized the reason behind his behaviour just now.
Uh – oh!
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Notes:
Ah, what a long chapter. I don't know whether this is good or whether you feel it is worth the wait, but this is the best I've could. I swear it sounds good in my mind tho haha
I have no intention to prolong the angst because it's time for everyone to heal from the past as well as the pain accrued to it.
The next chapter will be the last one. And I hope I won't take another five months to finish it lol. But if I took a long time to update again, I hope all of you will stay with me on this journey.
Thank you for still reading this. Sorry for unable to reply to any DMs or comments on my status but I do read everyone's concern and really appreciate it.
Love you 💜💜💜
Chapter 53: 𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙒𝙊
Summary:
panacea
/ˌpanəˈsiːə/
noun: a solution or remedy for all difficulties or diseases.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Oppa?”
Everyone holds their breath at the gruff voice that belongs to Mr. Kim. Taehyung’s shoulder slumped sluggishly, and he wished he can hide anywhere but here. He couldn’t even meet with the piercing gaze or Mr. and Mrs. Kim as they heard what their son has been calling him in his little space.
“What kind of…”
“Tae – Tae – oppa…”
Mr. Kim looked at his son, now holding on to Taehyung’s arm dearly as his doe eyes stared at Taehyung - as if the world is hanging on the shoulder of the handsome vocalist. Namjoon’s bare face beaming radiantly for the first time since he was admitted to the hospital a few days ago.
Taehyung anxiously stares at Namjoon, giving the little his strained boxy smile while his eyes quivering in fear – thinking about Namjoon’s parent dejectedly. Meanwhile, the rest of the members were watching the whole situation cautiously, didn’t want to get involved for a while. Not when they can sense the gravity of it.
“Joon-ah…” his father called with a soft tone, didn’t want to agitate him.
Namjoon pouted and hugged Taehyung’s arm snugly, hauling him down and making him sit on the bed with him forcefully.
Mr Kim emits a low sigh. “You need rest,” he said. Simple and subdued.
Namjoon jiggles his head almost instantly. “No! Joon – Joonie wanna pway wif – wif Tae-Taetae oppa…” he said with a slurred speech. A hint that he’s absolutely fallen deeper in his little space.
Taehyung chuckles tensely. When his eyes peered over Namjoon’s father, he gasped in surprise at the glare before he shifts back his attention to Namjoon beside him. Pretending to pay attention to the little. Damn!
“Namj – “
“Let’s talk about this later…” Mrs. Kim quickly interrupted. “We don’t want to agitate Namjoon further…” she continued as she snaked her arm around her husband’s protectively.
Mr. Kim glared at Taehyung and the rest of the boys before he huffed in frustration. Despite he wanted to have a discussion about the choices of the caregiver’s name, he has to admit that it’s not the right time to do so. Namjoon just woke up and in little space. They shouldn’t put pressure on him. Not today at least.
Mr. Kim shifted his gaze on his son, quirking a fond smile when he saw Namjoon’s gleaming face as he talks to Taehyung, adorning a smile through his cracked lips. He seems to forget about everything – the pain and the trauma of the incident. Mr. Kim released a deep sigh, bobbing his head slightly as his eyes met with Mrs. Kim’s.
“Maybe all of you should go back to the dorm first. It’s been hard for us today. Get rest and you can come back tomorrow…” Mrs. Kim suggested, noticing the tired faces of the boys.
Seokjin’s lips parted slightly to protest, wanting to say that they want to stay there with Namjoon. But someone’s already voiced out his mind loudly and apprehensively.
“NO!!”
Everyone’s flinched at the brisk voice, turning their heads to the owner of it.
Namjoon is staring at his parent, lips pouting with furrowed brows. His grip on Taehyung’s arm tightened. Taehyung’s body stiffens at the action, now once again looking at the elders nervously.
“Namjoon-ah, you need to rest and – “
“No!” Namjoon retorts while shaking his head. “Stay – evewy – evewy one stay – wif – wif Joonie!” he stammered on each word but unrelenting. Very firm and determine.
“But – “
“No! Stay here wif Joonie!” Namjoon didn’t give his mother the chance to talk about it, throwing a piercing gaze over her. Trying to appear as angry as he could.
The boys hardly contained their smile and adoration at the cuteness, cooing over the little Namjoon as he continues to argue with his parent. It’s their wish to stay with him too. But at the same time, they must respect Namjoon’s parent's request. After all, they were thinking about Namjoon’s sake.
“Baby – “Mrs. Kim make another attempt to persuade her son.
“Stay – stay here…”
Mrs. Kim sighed in defeat when she saw Namjoon’s teary eyes and how his lips wobbling; on the verge of crying.
Seokjin then takes a step forward. “Emeonim… Abeonim. I think for today, let us take care of Namjoon. Both of you can go back to the hotel and take a rest. I think among all of us here, it’s you two that needed the rest the most…” he suggested.
Mrs. Kim gave a thought about it for a second before she nodded in agreement, realizing the truth of the suggestion. It’s been so hectic for the past few days, and they couldn’t rest at all. It’s slowly had taken a toll on their old bodies. The exhaustion is affecting every muscle.
Mrs. Kim approached her son slowly and let out a chuckle when Namjoon hugged Taehyung’s arm aggressively – as if he’s afraid that his mother will drag him away. Mrs. Kim ruffled his bed hair lovingly.
“Okay – okay, don’t be grumpy, Joonie…” she teased and pinched his chubby cheek playfully. Namjoon whined at the gestures and his mother laughed affectionately. “Everyone can stay here. I and abeoji will leave and come back tomorrow morning. Okay?” she continues.
Namjoon huffed. “Joo – Joonie wan – wan evewy one…”
Mrs. Kim smile. “This room can’t fit so many people at one time…”
Namjoon then scanned around the room with his eyes, jutting his lower lips as he bobbed his head - agreeing with his mother’s statement. “Otay…” he mumbled.
“I’ll be back tomorrow. Don’t worry…” she said. Mrs. Kim enveloped Namjoon in a tight hug, kissing his head on the top and giggling when his son continue to grumble cutely.
Mr. Kim also gives him a hug and patted his head. Then he looked at Taehyung grimly. “We’ll talk later, young man…” he said threateningly before he left with his wife – forcefully dragged by Mrs. Kim, to avoid any unnecessary confrontation.
Taehyung gulped. His body slumps pathetically beside Namjoon, evaluating all the choices of life he has made before. Hence, he can imagine how his life is going to change tomorrow. Hell!
Taehyung’s body jerked when someone put their hand on his shoulder. He raises his head to see Hoseok’s concerned face. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Taehyung grabbed on Hoseok’s hand. “Hyung! You need to help me!” he pleaded hysterically.
“Help you what?” Hoseok smirked amusingly.
“Please, hyung. You know! This – this thing. You must help me. Explain to Namjoon’s father…” Taehyung desperately begging.
“As far as I remember, you’re the one who had been eager to be called oppa, Taehyungie…”
Taehyung hissed at Jungkook, glaring at the maknae angrily. Couldn’t appreciate the sense of humour at the current importance hour. He’s obviously in trouble. He needs someone to back him up tomorrow. He needs someone to explain why Namjoon is calling him ‘oppa’.
“Yeah, I can remember you were screaming when Namjoon called you oppa that day,” added Jimin, joining the bandwagon. Feeling amused.
“You initiatively asked Namjoon to call you that, Tae…” Yoongi took part in the discussion too. Didn’t want to be left out in the fun game.
The rest were laughing at his antics and Taehyung’s face turn gloomy on each teasing by the members – sulking for being mocked incessantly.
Namjoon’s brows creased in confusion at the conversation between his caregivers, looking at everyone curiously. He couldn’t understand the talk, but he notices the tension over Taehyung’s face. Namjoon poked on Taehyung’s cheek, attempted to draw his attention.
“Taetae-oppa. Are you – are you otay?” he asked carefully, peering over Taehyung closely as their face was separated a few inches only.
Taehyung breathed exasperatedly and glance at Namjoon. “Joonie, what if – what if I asked you not to call me oppa?” he suddenly proposed.
Don’t get him wrong though. He loves whenever Namjoon called him ‘oppa’ but for now they need to change it temporarily. For the sake of world peace and humanity. And of course, his long life and well-being.
Namjoon fretted. “Why?” he asked innocently.
Taehyung swallowed nervously. He must explain to Namjoon carefully to avoid any misunderstanding. Meanwhile, his other bandmates were watching in amusement and Taehyung cursed at them for being mere bystanders.
Taehyung put both of his hands on Namjoon’s shoulder, determinedly to justify his proposal to the little. “Baby, don’t get me wrong. Oppa love Joonie. But for now, Joonie can’t call me oppa. Well, not in front of your parent…”
Namjoon blinked his eyes. “Why?” He’s getting more confused.
Taehyung groaned in distress while the other five were laughing not so secretly behind him. Those bastards!
“Tell him, Oppa. We also want to know…” Yoongi mocked the vocalist. Taehyung growled and gave him the murderous stare. Yoongi tsked back at him.
“You hate Joonie call Taetae, oppa?” Namjoon asked, obviously hurt at the thought. His eyes shine with unshed tears, staring at Taehyung sadly.
Taehyung’s lip parted in aw shuck at the question before he shakes his head to deny the allegation. He cupped Namjoon’s face with his palms, squeezing it a bit with tenderness and chuckles when Namjoon’s lips protruded cutely.
“I love it, Joonie. It’s just that – you know – well your abeoji seems didn’t like it. So, I think it’s better if we didn’t use it in the meantime…” explained Taehyung.
Namjoon huffed. “But – but Taetae is Joonie oppa!” he retorts begrudgingly.
Taehyung laughed. “Of course, I am your oppa… But Joonie – “
Namjoon swatted Taehyung’s hand and stares at him angrily. “No! Joonie no wan – no wan dat. Taetae is Joonie oppa!” he insisted.
“Joonie – “
“I think we can talk about this later, Tae…” Seokjin finally interferes, placing his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder. Taehyung whinges up to see the elder, feeling grateful for his help.
“Taetae-oppa ish Joonie oppa!” Namjoon sulked, glaring at the two unhappy.
Seokjin chuckles softly at the stubbornness. “Okay – okay baby. Taetae is Joonie oppa. No one can say the otherwise…” he said while he ruffled Namjoon’s hair.
Namjoon beamed happily. He smiles so bright, showing his healthy teeth and his eyes turn into a crescent moon. Everyone fawned at the beautiful sight.
“Well, now it’s time for you to rest…” Yoongi spoke and move toward the bed slowly.
Namjoon whined in disagreement. “No… Joonie – Joonie wanna pway – “His doe eyes staring at his caregiver, hoping that Yoongi will understand and let him play a bit longer.
However, he couldn’t hide the exhaustion since his body become weaker and sore from all the injuries he had suffered. He stifled a yawn that almost escaped his lips, covering his mouth with his palm.
“Listen to daddy, Joonie. You need to rest so that you can be strong again. then, you can play as long as you want…” coaxed Yoongi. His voice is soft and tender as he didn’t want to impose on Namjoon. Not in this situation.
Namjoon jutted his lips, eyes got teary as he wants to protest but were too afraid to do so. Didn’t want his daddy to get mad at him. Head dangled down while his fingers fidgetted over the blanket on his lap. He then let out a few sniffles.
Jungkook eyes widen when he saw how sad Namjoon is, immediately approached the little one and engulfed him in a tight hug – not too tight because still need to be careful with Namjoon’s wound.
“Baby, it’s okay. It’s okay. We can play together after you get your sleep…” he whispered to the little.
Namjoon reciprocates the hug, buried his face on Jungkook’s chest and weep silently. “Wan – wanna pway…” he mumbled through Jungkook’s shirt, slow but audible to everyone in the room.
The members let out an exasperated sigh, baffled at the unexpected tantrum. They were happy that Namjoon had regained consciousness but at the same time, they were still worried about his health. His body as well as his mental need to recuperate from all the wounds and trauma.
They were more concerned about his mental health. The doctor has clearly warned them about it earlier. They must be careful and try not to agitate him at any cost. They were lucky enough that Namjoon managed to calm down from his breakdown earlier. But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again.
“Baby...”
Namjoon peeked from Jungkook’s firm chest, looking through his wet eyelashes as Yoongi approached closer to him. Namjoon didn’t like the seriousness etched on the elder’s face. Knowing that Yoongi will use his authority as his daddy to force him to sleep. Namjoon hates it. He pouted further at the thought.
Yoongi strokes the hair on Namjoon’s face to the side. “Do you still remember the dos and don'ts being little Joonie?” he reminded the little.
Namjoon grunts in protest and hides his face to Jungkook’s chest.
“Joonie...”
Namjoon huffed. “Yes, daddy...”
Yoongi smile fondly. “What does it say, baby? Can you tell daddy?”
Namjoon sniffed before answering. “Aw-ways... aw-ways listen to – to evewy one...” he keeps playing with the drawstring of Jungkook’s hoodie nervously, still didn’t look at his daddy.
“And what did we ask you to do just now?” Yoongi asked again.
Namjoon glanced at Yoongi for a second. “Joonie to shweep...”
Yoongi let out a soft chuckle at the reply. “So, you need to sleep, right?”
Namjoon nods but his morose mood are still evident on his face. Yoongi tapped his finger on the scrunched nose endearingly before giving the signal to Jungkook to help Namjoon to rest on the bed.
Namjoon grumbled but didn’t put into a fight when Jungkook pushed his body to lay down on the mattress. He fisted on Jungkook’s hoodie tightly when Jungkook try to move, shaking his head in protest. Jungkook raised his brows questioningly.
“Hyungie shweep wif Joonie, wight?” Namjoon asked timidly. Afraid that the said male will leave his side when he falls asleep.
Jungkook smiled, fondly staring at the little. “Of course, baby. Hyungie will be here. In fact,...” Jungkook halted and look around where the others were standing nearby. “Everyone will be here with you...” he continues.
Namjoon grinned at the statement and shifted his dragon eyes towards his caregivers in the room one by one. “O-otay. Joonie shweep here. Appa, daddy, oppa, dada, papa, and – and hyungie stay wif Joonie...”
Everyone laughed dearly at little Joonie, enamoured over his cuteness. Everyone gathered around the room, taking their places on each corner and making themselves comfortable.
Meanwhile, Jungkook takes a seat on the bedside as he pulled the blanket up to Namjoon’s chin. Namjoon looks excited when Jungkook starts serenading one of BTS songs, Butterfly. Namjoon closed his eyes slowly, listening to the soft voice singing beautifully.
Namjoon’s heartbeat steadily and he drifted into a deep sleep while hanging on every word belt out by the angelic voice. Namjoon hummed the tune himself; seemed to croon it into his very heart.
It’s so beautiful that the melody mellowed his nightmare. It’s so serene that the words pacified his heartbeat. Namjoon dreamed of a happy land where the tragedy never took place and the song a panacea.
One month later
“What?”
The loud shrieking voice echoed in the living room. In a few seconds, everyone flocked in, staring at Seokjin with confusion and anxiousness – wondering what’s happening. Seokjin ignored the five pairs of eyes around him as he pressed the phone to his ear harder.
“What do you mean by that?” he asked with a strained voice. His jaws tighten and the members can see the vein on his temple. Seokjin’s face was ruddy with anger.
“What happen hyung?” Yoongi whispered to Seokjin, didn’t want to interrupt the tele-conversation between the elder and whosoever on the line.
Seokjin darted at the rapper but didn’t give any reply except a puff. The call ended ten minutes later and Seokjin tossed his phone unceremoniously onto the coffee table. He didn’t flinch at all at the clunk sound neither did he worry if he ever breaks the poor phone. He flumps his ass on the sofa, groaning in frustration.
“What’s wrong, hyung?” asked Hoseok. Everyone now had taken the seat nearby, waiting for the explanation from the elder.
Seokjin's eyes flickered around his bandmates, looking at them exasperatedly. He frowned when he notices that Namjoon wasn’t there with them. “Where’s Namjoon?” he queried with a bit of concern.
“Joonie’s still sleeping. He played till midnight, and I didn’t want to bother him until the time for us to eat…” informed Taehyung.
Seokjin clicked his tongue in annoyance. “That’s the reason why I didn’t want you and Jungkook to stay up late playing those ridiculous games! Joonie will be too excited to sleep and will wake up grumpy later!” he rebukes.
Taehyung and Jungkook grinned like a Cheshire cat at their hyung; guilty but not guilty. Last night, it’s their turn to sleep with Namjoon. So, they taught the little to play some games and Namjoon seems to enjoy himself so much that they didn’t have the heart to stop him. They didn’t know it was almost three in the morning when Namjoon has fallen asleep in Jungkook’s arms.
“You know how his mood is going to be if he didn’t get enough sleep, Tae, Jungkook…” Hoseok added then.
They could imagine the whole situation in their head clearly. It’s going to be hard for them to deal with his tantrum. Not even Seokjin’s evil eyes can make the little to stop his fit. He grimaced at the thought.
It’s been a month since Namjoon was discharged from the hospital. Despite his body is getting better, Namjoon is still struggling with his mental health. It’s been hard for the leader as he needed to undergo the therapy once a week. Even though he keeps assuring the members that he is fine and there’s nothing to worry, but they know that’s not the case.
Nightmares have become a frequent occasion almost every night. He will wake up in the middle of the night – screaming and gasping in horror. His whole body was shaking and his eyes quivered around the dark room anxiously.
He dreams of Hakyon killing Seungjae. He dreams of Hakyon firing the bullet on Seungjae’s body. He dreams of Hakyon venomous words uttered to him. He dreams of Hakyon’s final stares. He dreams of Hakyon's blood. He dreams of his body drenched with blood. And Namjoon screamed his lung out, waking up everyone in the house.
As he was on the verge of a panic attack, all the members barged into his room – hugging the leader all the way they can to calm him down. Everyone keeps saying a nice thing to him until he’s stopped shaking.
Namjoon cried and cried as everyone try to console him. He buried his face on Seokjin’s clothed chest as the elder enveloped his trembling body into his arm.
Yoongi strokes his damp hair with a forlorn face, Hoseok was holding his hand tightly, Jimin and Taehyung caressed softly on his knees, and Jungkook sit at the end of the bed, softly lifted both of Namjoon’s legs to his lap. He hissed at the coldness of both of the feet and started to tenderly rub the pad of his feet for some heat.
Seokjin takes a deep breath as he can feel the wetness on his shirt as the little sobs miserably. It’s been three nights in a row they were woken up by Namjoon’s screaming after his discharged from the hospital. That’s when they decided that they will take turns to accompany the little at night.
Namjoon tried to protest at first, faking his smile but couldn’t hide the nervousness in his eyes from his bandmates. He was embarrassed at his vulnerability. He was afraid that he will be a burden to them. The rest refute his insecurities and insisted on the idea. Namjoon reluctantly conceded.
They were seriously concerned about Namjoon's well being. Not only the recurrences of the nightmares but Namjoon also had developed a traumatic reflect whenever he heard something loud; a booming sound like lightning and gunshot. Or anything that equals to such.
They'd notice this when they had a movie night and decided to watch a thriller movie. Everything was fine at first until there’s one scene involving the mafia and the police exchanging fire. They were excited at the scene and Namjoon just came back from the kitchen holding a glass of water.
A loud sound of a gunshot echoed through the television. Then a sound of shattered glass. They snapped their head simultaneously and frowned in confusion when they saw Namjoon stand in the middle of the room; frozen. His eyes are wide open and his body is still as if he’s a mannequin.
“Joon?” Seokjin was the first person to call the younger. But Namjoon didn’t answer either he looks at the elder. Seokjin glanced at Yoongi for a second before he gets up and walked towards Namjoon cautiously.
“Hey, Joon?” he tried for the second time, carefully taking a step around the broken glass. He scanned on Namjoon’s feet, afraid that he had hurt himself but was relieved that there’s no apparent injury or blood.
Seokjin grabbed Namjoon’s arm softly and sucked a deep breath at the stillness of the body. Namjoon seems didn’t aware of his surrounding at all. Seokjin turned his head towards the bandmates.
“Kook-ah, shut down the tv please.” He demanded and without any question, the maknae took the remote and pressed the button off.
“What happened, hyung?” Jimin asked, worry lies in the tone of his voice.
Seokjin bit his lips. “I think he had a standstill. Remember, what the doctor said about this in the hospital?”
Everyone nodded their head. Yoongi gets up and went to Seokjin, to help the elder handle the situation. Yoongi then hinted at Hoseok and Taehyung to clean up the mess before someone pricked their feet on the shard. Jimin and Jungkook then run towards Namjoon’s room to make the bed. They were practically ready and expectant to face this situation and knows what to do in instances.
Seokjin wrapped his arm on Namjoon’s shoulder meanwhile Yoongi takes a place on his left side and hold his hand. Both led Namjoon to his room while he remained frozen and unaware of what’s happening to him. Seokjin helped Namjoon lie down on the bed and pulled the blanket up to his chest.
Yoongi caressed on Namjoon’s head, smiling sadly at the leader. “Just sleep, okay. Everything will be fine once you wake up. And we’re here with you. Close your eyes, Joonie…” he whispered.
As in he has been hypnotized, Namjoon slowly closed his eyes, and his stiff muscles start to loosen up until his body become limp and dip into the mattress. Everyone watching the leader fall into a deep slumber with a tug on their heart. Sadness and pain become one as they couldn’t hold their emotion.
That night, Seokjin and Yoongi accompanied Namjoon in his room. No nightmares. Just a quiet night for the three of them. The agony inside Seokjin and Yoongi’s heart never ceased as they laid down on Namjoon’s side, holding his hand and squeezing it tenderly; a way of giving strength and love to the leader. They both fall asleep with unshed tears.
“Who called just now?”
Seokjin’s reverie was cut short by Jungkook’s sudden question. He looks at the maknae before shifting to everyone in the living room. He sighed exasperatedly, combing his hair with his fingers making it’s messier.
“Open the Twitter. It’s trending right now…” he said.
Everyone furrowed nonetheless took out the phones and quickly opened the apps. Their eyes comically grew wider as they read the current trending topic.
“What the fuck??” screeched Yoongi and followed by a few cursed words from the others.
Seokjin gritted his teeth in bitterness. “It’s all over Twitter now. The press keeps calling the company for a statement. Sejin called to warn us not to engage with anything until the company make an official announcement,” he said sternly.
“But how? And who the fuck did this??” Jimin asked angrily, showing his phone screen to Seokjin asking for an explanation.
Seokjin rubbed his temple as the headache slowly creeped in. “I don’t know Jimin. No one knows. But Sejin said it must be pre-planned…”
“But who will do this though? And how they know about – about…”
Seokjin’s eyes wearily moved on Hoseok, feeling the same emotion as the lead dancer of the band. He was about to express his view when Jungkook’s grim and venomous voice leapt out.
“It’s Hakyon, right?”
Everyone’s attention is now on the maknae, staring at him with broad eyes. Surprise. Horrified. As the name of the most hated man in this world been mentioned again. Jungkook bites his lips in anger, pacing around the living room as he tried not to throw a fit.
“Jungkook, calm down…” Yoongi warned.
Jungkook hissed furiously. “How could a supposed dead man continue to torture Joonie, like this? He – he’s dead, for God’s sake! Why can’t he leave Namjoon alone? Why does he need to haunt us like this? Can’t he just go to hell already?” he spat heatedly.
“Language young man!” Seokjin reprimands the manners of the youngest. At the heated moment, he won’t let Jungkook use vulgar words. Not when Namjoon is in the house with them. He glared at the said male when Jungkook rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Jungkook!”
“Hakyon will do anything to ruin everything. He had foreseen the situation, knowing if he didn’t survive the ordeal, at least he had a backup plan. He was blinded by his hatred and willing to take his revenge even in his afterlife…” Hoseok said.
A drop of silence falls in the room. Seokjin took his phone on the coffee table and tapped on Twitter, searching for the trending topic once again. As he scrolled the feeds, he becomes angrier and upset. He didn’t know how Hakyon do such an evil thing, but that man was a devil in disguise.
Seokjin stops scrolling as his eyes are on the scandalised picture. His Namjoon. Their Namjoon. His Joonie. Their Joonie. Wearing his Ryan t-shirt and short pant. On his arm is his favourite Ryan plushie. He was playing with everyone in the dance studio. Looking so happy. So, blessed. So, endearing.
While sucking his blue pacifier. Obviously in his little space.
Seokjin didn’t know how the image has been captured. He didn’t know how the picture got leaked out. He doesn’t even know how Hakyon got the picture. And what makes everyone infuriated was, how he had managed to circulate the picture to the reporters. Now everyone has seen the picture. Now, everyone knows about Namjoon’s secret.
His little space.
They barely adjusted their life after the incident with Namjoon still recuperating from the trauma. And now this? How are they going to tell Namjoon about this? Will Namjoon be able to accept the new problem? Will he be able to face the consequences of being knows to have the little space?
“So, what’s Sejin said about this?”
Yoongi’s question put a stupor to Seokjin’s deep thought. He tilted his head to Yoongi, noticing the serious expression of the pale man. Seokjin exhaled roughly.
“Sejin said the company is looking into it now. They tried to find the source and will stop anyone from circulating the picture for damage control. Everyone had saved and screenshotted the picture so there’s nothing much they can do about that. The company will make an official statement later…” he explained the strategy of the company.
“Official statement?” Jimin’s voice trembled as he speaks, and his eyes shone with tears. Taehyung put his hand on top of Jimin’s, caressing it softly to soothe the man. Jimin smile a bit, appreciating the nice gesture.
Seokjin nods. “But they will wait for our consent first before releasing it to the media. Sejin wants all of us to talk about this with Namjoon first. After all, we are talking about him and his little space. Anything should be on him, and we only can stand behind him as support…”
All of them didn’t say a word for a while, thinking about the pros and cons of the situation. The option given is not for them to choose. This is Namjoon’s personal right whether he is ready to reveal his little space to the world or not. Whatever he chooses for himself, they know they will always be here for Namjoon. They will protect their leader at whatever cost.
They didn’t care if the army will leave the fandom. They didn’t care if the army couldn’t accept Namjoon as he is. They didn’t care if the army will hate them. They can bear all the hatred for Namjoon. They just want to make sure, Namjoon gets all the love and happiness he deserved to.
But will army hate the truth though?
They wondered to themselves. They have been together with the army through up and down. The army had been their pillar in the journey of their success. Army is the most protective towards the Bangtan boys more than other people. Their love for BTS is undeniable. The love is solid and genuine.
“Do you think army will understand the situation?” asked Taehyung timidly.
“They will fight anyone for our sake, Tae. They had proved to everyone all these times. I don’t think that they will hate us or Namjoon. They love us wholeheartedly…” Jungkook answered confidently with a smug face. Proud of the army.
Taehyung sighed and nodded in silent acquiescence. Not that he has the doubt of their fandom, but he just feels restless to think all the possibilities. But with a little assurance from Jungkook, Taehyung feels at ease and more confident.
“So, what are we going to do now?” Hoseok asked on behalf of the others.
Seokjin sighed. “That’s Namjoon to decide…”
•
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Notes:
Well I know I'm supposed to end the book by now. I had considered writing a long chapter but later decided against it because I don't want all of you to lose concentration on reading the long one. But I promised the next chapter will be the last one.
So, some of you might have known of my situation. My mom passed away on 19.11.2021 due to severe pneumonia with multiorgan failures - it's a long covid symptom. It was devastating for my family. We were praying for her health since she was admitted but God has a different plan for us. It's the toughest day for us as we watched her last breath through a video call due to Covid SOP.
Despite being unable to be there with her, we were fortunate that she was free from covid that day. So we can arrange her funeral in a normal way. I and my siblings went to the hospital to see her for the last time. We cried when we hugged and kissed her. We were also able to help to clean her up and to help with the shroud before the funeral. It was our last time to serve her as her children and we were proud to be able to do that.
Coping is hard. Especially when we were so close with each other. Our parent is our best friend. We shared everything with them. About works, friends, personal etc. No secrets between us. So when she left us, a part of us was gone with her too. Till today, I couldn't step into her bedroom because it's too painful to see and to know that she wasn't there anymore.
I am still trying to adapt to her loss. It's hard but I am striving my best here. People said life goes on. Indeed it's the truth. But memory will be a part of our life too. It will become the pain as well as the strength. But I know she will be in my heart forever.
Appreciate your parent while they are here with you. It doesn't matter whether they treated you good or bad. It doesn't matter if they are toxic parents. They are still your parent till the end of your life. We only have them once in our life. Treasured them. Give them all the love they deserved. Without them, your existence in this world is nothing. Don't take our parents for granted.
Sorry for the long rant, but I just want to share it with all of you. Thank you for still reading this book. I hope I'll be able to update soon the final chapter.
Love you all❤
Chapter 54: 𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀
Summary:
SEVENTH HEAVEN
a state of intense happiness; bliss:
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Yoongi took a deep breath and knocked on the closed door. He waited a few seconds before hearing the voice asking him to come in. His cat eyes roamed the dimly lit room and twisted into a smile when he saw Namjoon on his bed - leaning against the headboard and reading a book.
Namjoon smiled at the older man and set aside the book he had been reading for the past two days. Namjoon watched as Yoongi took a hesitant step toward him. He frowned a little at the shyness, but kept the thought to himself, giving Yoongi a chance to explain himself later.
Yoongi takes a seat on the bed and doesn't say a word while his eyes quiver around the room but Namjoon. He's fully aware that he's acting suspicious and ridiculous, but he couldn't help but feel tense being alone with Namjoon.
"Hyung?" Namjoon was the first to break the silence because he felt uncomfortable leaving the elder to sit and say nothing for almost five minutes.
Yoongi winced slightly and shifted his gaze to Namjoon. "Oh - hey..." he chortled nervously.
Namjoon chuckled at the silly reply. "What's the matter, hyung? You seem nervous..." he then asked.
Yoongi sighed as he berated his own behaviour. "Hey, Joon. Um - well - I - just - want to - you know..."
Namjoon frowned. It's rare for the elder to act like this around him. Yoongi is always an open and honest person about his feelings and opinions. Yoongi isn't afraid when someone disagrees with his idea or belief. He remains true to himself and represents everything as if he has clearly stated what is his.
This kind of behaviour doesn't suit Yoongi. Nervousness escalates his palpitations. He wonders if Yoongi has something important to tell him. Maybe it has something to do with him or the band. Did something happen? Namjoon's mind started working at full speed - simulating and analyzing all kinds of circumstances, bad and bad. That's how his genius brain always does for free.
Yoongi noticed that Namjoon's hand was shaking a little. Yoongi took a breath and seized the trembling hand; he squeezed it gently to calm the younger man's nervousness. "Joon-ah..."
Namjoon stares at Yoongi expectantly. His chest throbs with each beat and his throat feels dry as he waits for Yoongi to speak. It kills him in the silence as he keeps wondering what's actually going on now.
"First of all, I'm sorry..." Finally, Yoongi managed to express his mind verbally. He didn't even hesitate as he uttered the apology, looking directly at Namjoon.
Namjoon's heart skipped a beat, he hadn't expected the apology to come out of nowhere. He pulled his hand away and clutched his blanket as he asked in confusion, "Wh-what?" he stammered.
Yoongi's lips twitched sadly as Namjoon's warmth was absent on his. He looks at Namjoon with a forlorn eye. He recalled all the ominous things he had said to Namjoon before the kidnapping. He winced at the memory of where he had hit the younger man. Even today, he feels the itch on his palm, racked with guilt for what he did to Namjoon.
They had never talked about what had happened before the tragedy. They focused more on Namjoon's physical and mental recovery from the aftermath. Avoiding the topic is crucial for them to focus on Namjoon's recovery.
The therapy sessions concentrated more on his trauma during the incident and how to cope with such damage. They saw how affected the leader was throughout the session, and it was a painful sight to watch. Of course, he's getting better day by day, but to say he's fully recovered would be an understatement. Healing is a difficult journey for them, for Namjoon the most.
Yoongi groans softly before starting to speak again. "Can we talk?"
Namjoon's frown deepens as the persistent, buzzing sound of his deep voice fades out. "We're talking..." he laughs, but the horror is on both of their faces. Obviously.
Yoongi smiles wryly, appreciating the joke in this tense situation. "Joon...", he pauses halfway, his gaze on Namjoon because he wants him to give him his full attention. He can see the younger man's body go limp at his action. If he didn't notice his eyes trembling, Yoongi would think he was at a standstill; a situation that he wanted to avoid right now.
Yoongi slides closer to Namjoon and cautiously approaches the younger man. He tries his best not to look intimidating. He has come with the goodwill to break the tension between them and to put the unfortunate past behind him. Yoongi doesn't let go of his agonizing longing for the old Namjoon. So that, Namjoon can be happy again. Real happiness. As they used to be.
Namjoon couldn't help but get uneasy at the older man's seriousness. He curled further into his blanket and held it over his waist, though his body was beginning to feel warm. He had a cold sweat on his skin, which was getting sticky and cool. He didn't like the tension in the room, but he understands that he can't run from this confrontation. It ought to happen. Sooner or later. But he's already in fight-or-flight mode. Just in case.
Yoongi took a long, deep breath. His eyes fixed on Namjoon's trembling hand over his cute koya blanket. He smiled fondly at the cuteness, but at the same time, his heart sank into the pit of his stomach as he thought about how awkward Namjoon was around him. This never happens before this. Yoongi downed in bitterness knowing that it was all because of him.
"Joon-ah..." his voice rumbled as he addressed the younger man. His cat-like eyes stared at Namjoon as if they could penetrate the younger man's soul.
Namjoon hummed deeply. Yoongi mustered all his courage and placed his warm hand on Namjoon's once more. Namjoon jerked at the sudden touch but didn't pull away. He missed the warmth of Yoongi's hands on his. His lips twisted into a smile as he stared at Yoongi's slender fingers.
"I'm sorry, Joon...," Yoongi repeated. And he's going to say it again and again for the rest of his life.
Namjoon looks up at the rapper with broad eyes. "For what?" he asks quickly.
Yoongi gulps. "For everything..."
Namjoon's brows furrowed. "What do you mean by everything, hyung?" he asked in curiosity.
Yoongi chuckles upon hearing the naïve question. "Joon, for what happened to you..."
Namjoon didn't give Yoongi a chance to explain. "Please, hyung. No one can foresee what Hakyon has been scheming all this time. I dealt with his evil plan myself and kept it a secret from you and the others. I should have talked about it when it happened, but I'm too scared because - because I think he'll hurt you and the others. I'm the one who fell down the rabbit hole first..."
Yoongi gripped Namjoon's hand tighter and stopped the man from saying anything further. He wanted to let everything out of his chest at that moment. This was the moment where he had to face his own transgression and apologize sincerely and wholeheartedly to Namjoon. Therefore, the younger man had to listen to him first.
"No, Joon. Listen to me first, okay?" he admonished.
Namjoon parted his lips to say something, but Yoongi's desperate voice forbade him. Namjoon resists, giving in to the request while his heart is still beating pretty fast.
Yoongi takes a deep breath before continuing from where he lefts. "Everything that happened, everything that Suk - I mean Hakyon - did to you, I should have known, Joon-ah..."
"Hyung..."
"Joon...." Yoongi quickly interrupts Namjoon before trying to deny him further.
"We've known each other for years, lived together longer than the others. We've proven that we have a strong bond as friends and family. I shouldn't have let any outsiders break that. I shouldn't have let Hakyon's plan break our bond. I should have trusted you more than him. I'm so stupid and gullible that I easily fell for his trick. I allowed him to poison my mind and make me think all the bad things about you....," he said with great regret. The chagrin sits heavily on each word uttered by him.
Namjoon remained in silence as his heart pulsed with a mixture of emotions at this confession. He stared at Yoongi's somber face, interpreting the expression as guilt and shame. He wanted to placate the older man, wanted to say that everything was okay, and he forgave him, but the heartbreak didn't fall between the cracks. He knows. He can't tell a lie. Forgive, but not forget.
Yoongi stares at the younger man, and it makes his heart tremble at the lack of mirth in his dragon's eyes. He expelled a shaky breath as he squeezed Namjoon's hand a little in his.
"Namjoon-ah... Joon... you deserve an apology. No, you deserve more than that. It - it may not be enough to make up for all the suffering you've been through, but - but I'm sorry for everything. Even if it takes me my whole life to ask for your forgiveness, I'm willing to do it until my last breath, Joon..."
Namjoon's lips twitched at this sincerity. His vision blurs with tears, but he didn't want to shed any of them before giving his hyung a piece of his mind. He looks at Yoongi and catches sight of the redness at the edges of his eyes. Yoongi was so emotional during his speech that the dam in his eyes almost broke. He holds on until the last minute, knowing that his unworthy tears won't wipe away Namjoon's misery. Even if he'd like to believe it.
"Hyung, may I say something?" Says Namjoon. The tremor in his voice is apparent.
Yoongi frowned for a few seconds before schooling his expression back to normal. He was still stiff, but he tried his best to stay calm and listened to whatever Namjoon wanted to tell him, good or bad.
"You can tell me anything..." Yoongi swallowed. He was nervous.
Namjoon bobbed with a half-hearted smile. "Can I be honest then?" he went on.
Yoongi inhaled but then shook his head. Whatever Namjoon wants to tell him, he's willing to hear it. Even if his heart would break into a million pieces. He deserved that.
"I - I feel hurt, hyung...," let out Namjoon. Tears trickle down his cheek through his thick eyelashes and then fall onto the blanket. One drop. Two drops. And Namjoon lost the count.
Yoongi began chewing on his lower lip and his eyes welled up with tears.
"Among other people, I've known in my life, I don't think you'll ever turn your back on me..." continues Namjoon, his voice cracking with pain. He lets his tears wet his face. Soaking the skin like it can rip the pain. He had no intention of wiping them away until he poured his heart out to Yoongi.
"I had complete faith in you. I was confident that you'd never fall for Hakyon's trick. But I was proven wrong. You...", his voice sounded strained, and Namjoon choked on his tears because he was emotionally distracted. He was hurt. It still hurt and he didn't know if the scars would heal. Namjoon clenched his fists and thought of all the memories, the good and the bad.
The floodgates of the awful memories unlocked, and he began to sob. As his tears flowed, Yoongi put his arms around him, and when he did, Namjoon put his head on his shoulder and wept until there was nothing left. He was so embarrassed. And yet there he was, crying uncontrollably while being held by the person he loved the most. Yoongi didn't push him away or make him feel uncomfortable about his behaviour.
Yoongi hugged the younger man tightly. He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard Namjoon's painful sobs and how tightly he clutched Yoongi's shirt at his back.
"I trust - trusted you - but - but you ..." Stuttered Namjoon as he tried to control his cries. But he couldn't hold back. The wave of emotions hit him like a truck. It brought him to the lowest point he had ever experienced.
"I'm sorry, Joon. I'm sorry, Joon-ah...," Yoongi chanted repeatedly. His arms wrap around the younger man so tightly that he's afraid to let go. He refuses to let go of Namjoo. He won't let Namjoon slip away from him, from them again.
"I thought - I thought you hated me..."
Namjoon's body trembles in his arms. Yoongi squeezed his eyes as his tears fell like a waterfall. His heart ached so much for the younger man. He had made a mistake. He was wrong. He had failed the one who held him in such high esteem. He had failed to protect the younger man.
"I was afraid - I'm afraid, Hyung... I thought - I thought I'd never - never see you again - see all of you again..."
Yoongi mewled and grieved at the words. It was the first time ever that Namjoon had confessed his true feelings after the incident. Most of the time, he is just being reserved. Sometimes he was so quiet that the others started to worry. Namjoon hides his feelings in subtle ways, but when he gets pensive for days, they get goosebumps.
They tried to be more attentive and careful around Namjoon. When Namjoon went to therapy, he was always nervous and anxious. Either there are too many people around him, or he's by himself. Everything is triggering at some points. In the last few months, they've been walking on thin ice. He's even had a few bouts of panic attacks.
When it first happened, everyone was perplexed and petrified. They didn't know what to do and panicked until Seokjin had to ask Sejin for help. After that, they went to the therapist and learned how to deal with it if it happened again. They wished Namjoon didn't have to go through this again, but they still have to be prepared. The attack is unpredictable. That's why they always kept an eye on him to avoid any mishaps.
"Hyung - I'm sorry, Joon-ah. I'm really sorry. It's my fault. It's my fault. I'm sorry - Hyung is sorry...", Yoongi keeps apologizing. The warmth of Namjoon's tears can be felt on his shoulder.
Yoongi didn't stop hugging Namjoon's body, which was wracked by a rush of sobs and tears. His small hand rubbed up and down his back, while the other gently patted his head. "I'm here now. I'll never let you go again. I'll protect you. Hyung..."
Yoongi paused for a second as he almost choked on his tears. Then he continued to say. "Hyung is here. You're safe now..."
Namjoon whimpered and bobbed his head in agreement. They sat in silence, clutching each other. Yoongi rocked his body slowly, humming a random tune. Namjoon attempted to loosen up and get a grip on himself after the roller coaster of emotions. He took deep breaths, but still, a few hiccups escaped his lips here and there. Yoongi's soft voice sounded serene and smooth, gradually lulling him into dreamland.
Yoongi frowned as he felt the weight before his lips twisted into a small smile. "Joon?" he whispered. No answer. Instead, he heard a soft snore emanating from the younger man. Yoongi chuckled humorously.
Yoongi carefully maneuvers Namjoon's limp body and lays him on the pillow. He takes a sharp breath when he sees the blotchy, tear-stained face. His closed eyes look swollen. Yoongi blinked a few times and held back his tears because he didn't want to cry anymore. They had shed enough tears for today.
Yoongi brushed aside the damp hair from Namjoon's forehead. He paused as Namjoon winced at the gentle touch. Then Yoongi slowly stroked his forehead until Namjoon was sleeping peacefully again. His thumb wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and gently caressed his cheek.
"I'm sorry, Joon-ah. I can't change the past, but I can promise you the future. I'll protect you with my life. I'll not leave you. No matter how hard it gets, I'll never give up on you. So, please give me this last chance to prove myself to you. I won't let you down again..."
Yoongi seized Namjoon's thin hand and retained it in his palm. "I don't have much to offer, but I swear to you that you can have the best of me, Joon-ah..."
Yoongi took a deep breath before mumbling his last words as tears ran down his cheeks for the umpteenth time.
"Just one last chance..." he breathed out shakily.
Allkpop :
The leadership of RM is at stake due to an unknown mental illness
Soompi :
Is little space medically approved or a made-up illness of a sexual pleasure
Namjoon feels slightly nervous as all eyes are on him. He tries to control himself and calmly repeats his decision, but the reaction surprises him. Not that he didn't foresee the reaction, but the concern on their faces is quite disturbing.
"Are you sure about this, Joon?"
Namjoon nodded. He had been giving the same answer for the last fifteen minutes. He was adamant about this.
"Have you seen or read the news?"
Namjoon darts at Seokjin. His handsome face is etched with uncertainty. Namjoon nods again in response.
Seokjin sighs. "Then you know that the reception..."
"I know, Hyung..." Namjoon quickly cut in.
"Then why, hyung?"
Namjoon tilts his head towards Jungkook. He understands why the maknae is concerned, but he wants to do this. For himself and the others as well.
"You can take your time, Joonie. Sejin and Shihyuk-nim had it covered for us...," conveyed Hoseok.
Namjoon sighed. "I know, but..."
The decision wasn't easy for him either. When they talked about his picture in his "little space" being heralded massively in all the media, Namjoon was dumbfounded. His brain can barely function, and his body froze until his members thought he had another standstill.
After a few minutes, he was able to calm down and was led to the couch in the living room by Jungkook. Everyone gathered in the same room, Jungkook and Seokjin sitting side by side with Namjoon. Yoongi took the diagonal seat while Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung sat on the long couch across from Namjoon.
Seokjin put his long arm on his shoulder and Jungkook grabbed his hand; both tried to calm him down. Namjoon was grateful for their kindness and at the same time had a mixture of feelings all at once. Confused, scared, shocked, frightened, and relieved? Namjoon couldn't fathom why he was having these feelings right now, but it just felt right at the moment.
"Joonie, are you okay? Do you need your medication?" asks Yoongi. He knows he needs verification from Namjoon first before he can determine a preventative measure to handle the situation.
Namjoon takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. Then Namjoon nodded and whispered the words 'I'm fine' to Yoongi and everyone present. The rest may not be convinced but he managed to regulate himself not to appear vulnerable in front of them.
"Are you sure, hyung?" Jimin asked again.
Breaking the figment of the earlier memory. "Yes..." his deep voice trembled slightly, but he's fine. Namjoon is just a bit agitated, but he's fine. "I - I want to - do this...", he said without a doubt.
"Are you able to take the consequences of that, Joon?"
Namjoon turns his head toward Seokjin. His handsome face stares at him seriously. The others had the same expression as the elder.
Namjoon clenched his fists and slowly bobbed his head. "I know and I'm willing to take the risk ..."
Everyone sighed resolutely when they heard this statement. They fully understand why Namjoon insists on doing this. Even if they couldn't agree with the decision but they want to respect whatever Namjoon decided for himself. They want to give him the full support he needed. They wanted to protect the leader. Equivalent to what the company had done the same.
After the press statement that BigHit released three days ago, everything was in chaos. The media tried to get the statement from the BTS members. Their phones were terrorized with calls, messages, and any kind of interaction that the media desperately resorted to communicate with them.
The company had strictly requested them not to engage with any reporters, media, or other people who wanted to snoop on their secrets. The company had been addressing the issue professionally with the legal team. They will take necessary legal action against those who had spread groundless rumors and malicious comments.
"Do you remember, hyung? What we used to say?" uttered Namjoon, bringing out everyone's attention.
Everyone glanced at Namjoon and frowned curiously.
"What is it, Joonie?" Seokjin questioned softly.
A genuine smile adorned Namjoon's face. A deep hole crated on both of his cheeks, fluttering the hearts of the members. He always wear the smile when he wished to say something that would make his members agree with what he was about to blurt out. Well, no one could resist such a charming and gorgeous smile.
"We've always said that we believe in the army, right? Whatever we do, whatever we decide, whatever situation we face, the Army always has faith in us. They will always be on our side..." said Namjoon fondly.
All the members quirked a small smile as they thought of their fans who have been with them through ups and downs since their debut. There is no doubt about the loyalty of the army. They would fight anything and anyone for BTS.
In fact, the support they received from the army since the news about Namjoon's little space came out has been tremendous. Despite some groups of people attacking and hating Namjoon since the revelation, many of them have spoken out on social media - some of them even a little too!
They tweeted and shared their experiences. Some of them are caregivers and some are excited to learn something new about the little space. There are always two sides to the coin, the pros, and cons; BTS welcomes only the good and beneficial to them as well as the others.
"That's why I want - I want to trust the army again this time..." Namjoon continued to say.
"It will not be easy for you..." Hoseok mumbled anxiously.
Namjoon nodded. "I know..."
"Not everyone will take it positively..." Added Taehyung. He is still worried about Namjoon.
"I know..."
"It will be hard to do it in front of the army..." explained Jungkook.
"Emmm..."
"You might get unnecessary hateful comments if you do it..." said Jimin in a low voice. He didn't want Namjoon to feel hurt by the vicious comments left by the haters.
"Mmmm..."
"But whatever it is, we will always be with you..." summed up Yoongi as he reached for Namjoon's hand and clasped it gently.
Namjoon look up at Yoongi and flashed a wide smile at the elder's support. His dark eyes feel hot as the tears began to gather in the dam of his eyes, scorching the dark brown orbs beautifully.
"We'll do this together..." Seokjin included, hauling Namjoon's body closer to him. Namjoon whined at the gesture but happily leaned on his hyung with a pleased sigh.
"We will protect you and will not let anyone hurt you anymore..." vowed Jungkook.
Namjoon giggles as the others nodded affirmatively. He is relieved that everyone is on his side while he's going to talk about his big secret to the army. He is prepared for any result afterward. Likewise, he is willing to lose some and to gain some. The peace he had been dreaming of, the freedom he had been pursuing, the possibility to be himself in front of everyone he had desired –ultimately, it was the time.
So, when seven of them, sat together in the set while doing VLive to uncover the truth to the army – the real story of Kim Namjoon; the reception was massive. The comment section has been overflowed with purple love, while the army continues to share the hashtags #protectkimnamjoon #btsforeverseven and #welovenamjoon during the live.
Later, the same hashtag has been used worldwide and trending on social media. They are thrilled with the optimistic act in response. Even if there are a few negative comments, they opt not to look through it. The love they'd received from the army is sufficient for them not to be bothered by the haters.
Of course, Namjoon is the happiest among the seven. He didn't expect the army to be so kind and full of love. Namjoon feels at ease as he is thinking about what had happened in his life. Life is always changing and evolving. This includes everything from the things in our daily lives to our emotions.
So many things happened in his life. Despite all that, Namjoon wants to have faith in people. He wanted to believe them, and love them because there are so many great people out there. Even if he gets betrayed by those people, Namjoon wants to love as much as he can. Because he believes, love is greater than hate.
They've been talking to the army for almost one hour. As the time flows, everyone is happy with the current situation as they clarified everything; now they chatted about the group activities while they enjoy feasting the fast-food, sponsored by the brand they are representing currently.
It's almost midnight, Namjoon has been yawning once in a while. He keeps listening to the member's discussion about their new album and other activities with droopy eyes. Namjoon stares at the burgers, fries, and drinks on the table. He's full, but the long conversation has been taking a toll on his stomach. He reached for the fries, chomping lazily. Furthermore, he played with the free toys on the table, getting worn out by the minute.
Taehyung spares a glance at the leader, scowling a bit as he caught a glimpse of the body language. He gives side eyes to Jimin, who sat beside Namjoon. Jimin raised his brows questioningly but later figured out the hint.
Jimin rubs Namjoon's arm gently, up and down. "Are you okay?" he whispered.
Namjoon immediately pouted. "Sleepy..." he responded with a slurred voice. Jimin's eyes widen and gasped. He darts at Taehyung. "Tae!" he called in a hushed and hurried voice.
Taehyung couldn't hear as the members were laughing at Hoseok's joke at that time. Jimin tried his best to give a cue to Taehyung before Namjoon succumb further into his little space. Well, sleepy little Joonie is not something you want to show to the army! Jimin needs to act faster.
Namjoon, being in his little word unconsciously, thrust forward his hand to grab the tray of food in front of him. Not that he wanted to eat it, but rather trying to put it away so that it doesn't stay in front of him. He didn't want to munch on the fries anymore. His stomach is bloated already! Namjoon almost drops the tray when he makes an effort to push it to the side.
Taehyung caught on the reckless act, immediately grabbed the tray to help Namjoon. Namjoon being petulant and wanting to do it by himself once again almost dropped it to the floor.
"Yah, don't move! Let me do it!" Taehyung scolded the man. Getting frustrated at Namjoon's clumsiness.
Namjoon was startled at the high pitch voice, staring at the vocalist with wide eyes. Thinking that Taehyung is mad at him, his lips trembled and his eyes bleary with unshed tears.
"Taehyung, you shouldn't – "Jimin was about to refrain the male from provoking their leader, however, it's too late already. Namjoon loud cry erupted in the room. Everyone was shocked and looked at the leader with disbelief.
"Daddy!!!!" Namjoon wailed and wriggled towards Yoongi.
"Oh, my God!!!" Seokjin starts panicking as well as the others.
"Joonie, wait, I didn't mean to –"Taehyung tries to fix the problem.
"Daddy, Tae – Tae oppa is meanie..." Namjoon continues to cry as he climbed onto Yoongi's lap.
It was all hell broken loose. They were still in the middle of doing live with the army. The comment section was aggressively flooded with various comments.
Daddy? Yoongi is Daddy?
V is oppa?
Little Namjoon ish sho cutee...
Baby Joonie don't be sad...
Oh, shit! That's what little Joon called them?
I wanna know the other's name too!!
Yoongi is officially a daddy!
Daddy Yoongi, marry me!
Tae-oppa? As expected from Kim Taehyung!
I bet Jungkook is hyung for little Joon...
Please tell us the other's name too!!
Jimin races towards the camera, humming a nervous tune to disguise the chaos in the background. He skimmed over the end live button hurriedly and the screen turn into a pitch black. He puffed a long sigh and then spun facing everyone, watching how his bandmates are panicking like a bunch of idiots. He let out another exasperated sigh.
"We are doomed!!!" yell Jungkook while gripping his long hair in frustration.
"Do you have to scold him on camera, Kim Taehyung?" jested Seokjin. Irritated at his reckless stunt.
Taehyung rolled his eyes in annoyance. "How do I know he's going to be in little space, hyung?" he dares to complain.
Yoongi tightens his hand over Namjoon's body as the little one sits on his lap and continues to sob on the crook of his neck. "It's okay baby..." he pats the little's head softly.
"It is always you..." Hoseok said, with bitter notes. Eyes fixated on the said male begrudgingly.
"I hope we managed to do the damage control..." Jimin said, but he didn't feel convinced by his own statement. Not when he managed to read a few comments before he ended the live.
As they continue to bicker with each other, pointing fingers to blame someone for the chaos created; their phone keeps ringing and tons of notifications are received. The internet broke with the army getting crazy sharing those moments on social media. The six members of BTS were too afraid to learn the consequences of their negligence.
Of course, Namjoon might join the bandwagon later. They couldn't blame the little, though. His little space is unpredictable nowadays, and they couldn't foresee the outturn of today's Vlive. They should've considered any possibilities when they agreed with Namjoon beforehand. But it's too late to regret it now.
As far as they had managed to control the situation before, and now they need to overcome this; it's harrowing. They're more concerned about Namjoon rather than themselves. It took a lot of courage for Namjoon to tell everyone about his little space. That's why they decided to do this step by step. As such, they are not keen for their caregiver's monikers being brought to light like this. They had enough on the plates already. But then, Taehyung had to ruin their peace tragically.
Five pairs of murderous eyes goggled at Taehyung. Taehyung swallowed and put on his signature boxy smile, accompanied by his puppy eyes – pleading with mercy. He mouthed the word 'sorry' to his members, but the rest snorted in annoyance; being used to the vocalist's weird and unpredictable demeanor.
Later that day...
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Hello. This is BigHit Music.
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Notes:
Hello,
Hi, lovelies ❤️
Wow, it's been a long time since my last update, right? It takes me more than a year to update and wrap up the book. Phewww
Some of you might know what had happened in my life for the past two years. My mom died due to long covid symptoms (still coping with her loss within these 2 years), my working schedule is crazy, and my health has been worst since September last year (I got on-off fever from Sept until Dec).
To be honest, before I decided to quit my job on August 2021, I had a develop serious anxiety. It takes a toll on my health as I hate myself to work there even though I've been under-appreciated. I literally cried every day while I drove back home, having sleepless night with constant nightmares.
It took me 8 months to tender my resignation before I joined my friends setting up our own legal firm. And then my remarkable journey started from there.
I am happy now. Living my life to the fullest. I enjoy working, shopping, and namjooning. I started to travel again since last year and it's the best thing that happened in my life 🤪
Well, just to share a snippet of my life when I'm on hiatus. When you decided to work on your own it takes hard work to establish yourself again. As such, I couldn't find the time to write. Whenever I tried to write something, work always bugged me.
I do reads all the comments and understand the concern. Some of you had asked me whether I had abandoned my work or even stopped writing.
I would like to emphasize here that I'll never abandon or stopped writing. It might take a longer time to update but I want to keep on writing forever. This is my passion and the only thing that keeps me connected to BTS.
Thank you for still reading this story and for the unwavering support given to me. I love you, I love you and I love you.
Let's meet again on this platform. I hope you enjoy the ending. It might not be perfect but I had done my best and it is as I imagined when I started writing DARLING.
Thank you again.
Borahae 💜
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