Don't Take It Away From Me

by LittleDisAwesome

Summary:

Tired of Steve's and Tony's idiocy, Clint and Bucky set out on a mission to get them to realize they've been flirting the whole time.

(In which Tony is emotionally stunted, and Steve is 100 years old)

Chapter 1: Clint and Bucky Make a Bet and Tony Falls Out Of The Sky

I.

 

“You think they’re gonna figure it out?” Clint asked, turning the page of his mission report. It made the tower happy to think he was reading the files that were given to him. Someone, somewhere, apparently put effort into creating them, and it was only polite to read them. 

He just stared at the pages and turned them after an appropriate period of time. 

Bucky sighed and out of the corner of his eye Clint saw him turn his own page. He was nearly positive Bucky was doing the same thing he did with his reports. Fifty pages about Steve asking the morlocks to leave the subway alone was unreasonable. There hadn’t been a single weapon discharged in the entire thirty-minute ordeal. “No. They’re not bright enough.” 

Bucky let his metal arm slip off of the couch and brush against Clint’s exposed ankle. Clint hummed contentedly. He didn’t understand the science, and didn’t care much about it either – fuckin Nazis – but he knew the metal limb somehow stayed warm. “If they do, my money’s on Tony.” He turned the page again. 

“I’ll bet on Steve then,” he dropped his file onto his chest. Clint bet Bucky wouldn’t be scolded for not making it look like he’d read the literary genius in the file. Steve played favorites. Though he might have been convinced that Hydra had electrocuted Bucky’s ability to read out of his brain. Steve Rogers got stupid when Bucky Barnes was involved. Bucky loved to take advantage. 

“Nah,” he stared down at the printed words, “Steve’s got that old timey wimey brain. He won’t make a move, he doesn’t even know they’re flirting.” He couldn’t guarantee that, but he’d seen how surprised Steve was about any sort of homosexual behavior performed openly. 

“If I remember correctly, I’m the one who initiated this,” he gripped Clint’s ankle, “the day we met.” 

Clint scoffed and turned the page, “that’s because you hit on fellas in the 30s like you didn’t care about going to prison. Steve wouldn’t know flirting if Tony stood naked in front of him and offered it up.” He turned to look back at Bucky, noticing for the first time that he hadn’t even been reading the stupid morlock report. On his chest was a copy of The Count of Monte Cristo. The report was probably more interesting, Clint thought, at the very least it was shorter. Bucky liked boring shit like that though, he said he hadn’t read well before the war so he was enjoying one of the few benefits Hydra had conferred on him. Clint could respect that. “Steve still looks over his shoulder for the cops if you so much as stand next to me.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes and picked the book up again. Upon closer review Clint realized the smarmy bastard was reading the book in French. As though Clint didn’t also know several languages. It wasn’t that impressive. “That’s just habit. He was always looking out for the police because I didn’t bother.” He turned the page of his book, “What are we putting on it?”

Clint rolled onto his back so he could fully appreciate Bucky’s relaxed form. He could cut steel with that fucking jaw. It was perfect to sit on as well. And those muscles. Clint groaned appreciatively just looking at Bucky’s chest muscles through his black tank top. “What?” 

“On the bet.”

“What do you want if you win?”

Bucky turned the page, his eyes scanning the words as though having a conversation didn’t affect his ability to comprehend what he was reading. It probably didn’t. “You’ve gotta go a week without eating pizza.”

“Aw, boyfriend no…” Clint pouted, “It’s supposed to be sexual.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes but didn’t look up from his book. “You see the problem with that, Clint, is that you’d do anything I asked in bed because you’re a kinky shit.” Clint supposed that was true. There was very little Clint hadn’t done before he’d met Bucky. And Clint got the impression that Bucky hadn’t had the chance to get very creative before the war. “What do you want?” 

“You gotta let me blow you at a restaurant.”

This got Bucky to put his book down and grin. “Always the performer.” 

“The glamor of the circus is addicting,” he grinned, “and I give spectacular head.”

The metal fingers wrapped around his ankle again, the thumb rubbing at the knot. “You do know how to give one hell of a suckjob.” 

“Thanks for that Buck,” Steve and Tony had apparently stopped arguing and Steve had made his way into the television room. Just in time to hear Bucky’s review of Clint’s dick sucking ability. Just what Clint had always wanted. 

“It’s legal now, Rogers.” Bucky grinned, releasing Clint’s ankle so he could sit up and make space for his best friend. He stuck his tongue out at Clint, happy to ignore the red flush in Clint’s cheeks. “Clint and I won’t even have to do hard labor for holding hands.” 

“Your two-hour argument with Tony was thrilling by the way.” Clint stated, his eyes locked back on his report. He still wasn’t reading it, but with Cap in the room he had to at least look like he cared about protocol. 

“He fell two hundred feet for a stunt!” Steve crossed his arms over his chest and when Clint glanced back at him he looked every bit the petulant child Clint had expected. Tony had dropped two hundred feet to change suits, but no one other than Steve had gotten the impression it had been a stunt. Steve was being dramatic because Tony was involved. 

There hadn’t been a two-hour argument the time Clint had fallen off of a skyscraper. He’d mostly just been told not to do it again. 

Preferential treatment. 

“I get it,” Bucky stared at the pages of his book, but his eyes weren’t moving. (“That way everyone won’t know I can’t read, Steve.”) “I yelled at Clint that time he got in a war with the Russian mob over a shitty apartment building.” 

“That’s hardly the same thing.” Steve frowned and reached out to take the book from Bucky. “Where’d you even get a French copy of this book?” 

“Stole it from Clint.” He lied. A piss poor lie, Clint thought. No one would believe Clint was intelligent enough to be reading a book like that in French. He had them all convinced he was an idiot. Except for Natasha, and she knew he’d never waste his time reading children’s tale’s like that.   

Steve frowned at Bucky’s answer but didn’t say anything. He liked to pretend he didn’t think Clint was an idiot. He was afraid of offending members of his team. That was part of why normal people liked following him. (Clint personally preferred other team leaders, but that might have been because he was human.) It was also possible that Steve just hated calling Bucky out on his shit.   

Bucky nodded, “Clinton is a purveyor of fine literature. Our apartment looks like a rare book store.” 

Their apartment looked like a suicidal college student lived there. Clint had never once brought a book past its front door until Bucky had moved in. 

Steve looked down at Clint, his brow furrowed. It seemed Bucky had finally told a lie too big. “You learn something new every day,” was the answer he settled on, and Bucky had to cover a snort of laughter with a sneeze. 

“You should just let Tony be Tony.” Clint offered as Steve took Bucky’s book from him. Bucky hated it when people took things out of his hands, but he let Steve get away with it because of their weird co-dependent life-long bond. Steve had been able to free Bucky from decades of brainwashing. He supposed that earned some concessions. 

Clint let Natasha get away with just about anything as well.

“I’m trying to keep him alive.” 

“He’s done a mostly decent job of that himself. Even before you were in his life.” Clint turned the page and looked down at a picture of the standoff. It looked as boring as it sounded. “Other than, you know, getting captured by terrorists a couple of times. But who here hasn’t been captured by terrorists a couple of times?” 

Clint could nearly feel the righteous indignation radiating off of Steve before the man said anything. “That is inappropriate!” 

Bucky took his book back from Steve, “Clint’s been captured so many times I can’t even count them. It’s his modus operandi.”

II. 

“What the fuck Clint?” Steve stormed into the medical room in which Clint was being held hostage. One of the Hydra goons had stabbed him in the stomach and pushed him out of his perch. Steve didn’t usually gripe at him for getting injured though. Bucky had already scolded him for managing to land on the only rock for two miles, and that had seemed sufficient. 

Bucky sat up in his seat, moving slightly to make it easier to stand up if it was needed. “Clint isn’t cleared for multiple visitors yet.” 

“I’m his commanding officer. I get to visit when I want.” Steve leveled Bucky with a glare, crossing his arms over his chest. “What the fuck were you doing when Tony got hit with an EMP?” 

That made more sense. Clint glanced at Bucky and saw him roll his eyes. At least they were on the same page. Tony was injured and Steve was being a dick about it. Clint wondered if he’d yelled at everyone else, or if he was special. “Bleeding out in the snow.” He offered. 

Tony had been fine when Clint had been taken by surprise. He hadn’t even been aware Tony had also been injured in the fight. There were four other people on the team, he wasn’t sure why it was his fault Tony had been injured. It wasn’t as though he had some sort of anti-EMP arrow.

He was going to make one.

As soon as he got off the morphine. 

Steve frowned, making sure the world knew he was disappointed in Clint. “You let someone get the drop on you, so you weren’t on our six.”

“You’re getting on to him for being deaf?” Bucky stood up and put himself directly between Clint and Steve. 

“If his disability is going to put the rest of us at risk then he shouldn’t be in the field.” Steve countered, making a valid point Clint thought. He wasn’t going to give Steve the pleasure of knowing he made good arguments. The man hadn’t snuck up on Clint because of Clint’s hearing though. The asshole had fallen from the sky, and Clint couldn’t do shit about that. 

“Like the time Tony froze up because of his PTSD and I got taken back by Hydra?” Bucky shot back, leaning back against Clint’s medical bed. “Or the time I got activated and shot you and Thor?” 

Clint wanted to pat Bucky on the back, but his body hurt so he stayed still. He turned his focus to Steve to see what he reaction would be to Bucky’s words. They didn’t talk about Tony’s problems as a principal, and Steve liked to pretend Hydra wasn’t still floating around in Bucky’s brain. Steve’s greatest skill was staying in denial against all evidence, Bucky had told him. That seemed in line with everything Clint knew about the man. 

Steve had the decency to look abashed for a second, but then decided he would double down. “Tony broke a leg because no one was watching our backs.”  

Bucky inhaled deeply. “I suppose this is payback for the time I blamed you for getting Clint shot?” 

“That is hardly the same thing, Bucky,” Steve shot back, “you’ve always been an idiot about your boyfriends. I’m pissed because a member of our team got hurt because Clint wasn’t there.” 

Bucky scoffed and Clint saw him flip Steve off. “Alright, Fondue.” 

Steve narrowed his eyes at that – Clint made a mental note to ask Bucky what Fondue meant, other than cheesy goodness. “How did you even hear about that?” Something that embarrassed Cap. Clint definitely needed to know about it. 

“Howard told me.” Bucky’s tone indicated that Steve should have been able to guess where he’d gotten the intel. 

“You weren’t even close with Howard, Buck.” 

Bucky opened his mouth but closed it without saying anything. Apparently, Steve had said something he couldn’t comprehend. Clint didn’t think he’d ever seen that before. Bucky usually had something witty to respond with when Steve was being Steve. 

Steve shrugged and leaned against the door, locked into whatever 1940s bullshit argument had commenced. “Howard only liked Peggy really.” 

“One, Stark the first was almost as weirdly obsessed with you as Baby Stark,” Bucky started, shaking his head when Steve tried to respond to that mess of a sentence,  “and two, I was sleeping with Howard.” 

Ew. Was Clint’s first reaction, but thankfully he kept it internal. Steve, however, didn’t seem to be having the same level of success. His face had gone slightly ashy and his jaw had dropped. That was Tony’s dad though. Ew. 

“So yeah, I get the appeal of a Stark. I was just smart enough to bag one, unlike other people in this room.” Bucky crossed his arms over his chest. Clint wasn’t certain if Bucky was telling the truth or if he was just trying to rile Steve up to win the bet. Appealing to Steve’s competitive side was a good method, Clint though. 

If Bucky could get with a Stark then Steve could do it too. And Tony was conveniently there. 

Steve furrowed his brow and turned on his heel to leave the room without another work.

“Fuck, he’s dumb. I think the ice turned him stupid.” Bucky turned around and dropped back into his chair. His locked eyes with Clint and smiled at him. “He never had any game though.” 

Clint snorted. “Howard though?” 

Bucky shrugged one shoulder, “it was war. He was hot.” 

Clint got the feeling there was more to it than that, but he wasn’t going to press. They had more important things to focus on anyway. Like getting the living Stark together with Steve. “Put me in a wheelchair, Buck. We’re going to go see Tony.” 

Bucky got up so he could grab the wheelchair. They had specifically been told it was only to help Clint get to the loo, but he was an adult. He could make his own decisions. And his decisions included going to check on Tony. 

He eased himself out of bed, groaning when it pulled at the stitches. Doctor Cho had taken her flesh creating device with her and now he had to heal the normal way. Like a boring human. He eased himself down into the wheelchair and let Bucky turn it around. 

Bucky wheeled him out of the room, turning down the hallway. No one was going to stop the Winter Soldier from going where he wanted, even if he had an injured patient with him. It was a great benefit of dating Bucky. He got away with twice as much as he had before he’d gotten himself a super assassin. 

“I’m starting to worry they’re too stupid to ever figure it out on their own.” Clint said, waving at a nurse. She took one look at Bucky’s arm and then didn’t bother to say anything to them. 

They turned down the hallway Tony usually visited when he was injured, “I think we’re going to have to do it for them.”

“The smartest man in America and the world’s greatest military mind and they can’t figure out they want to bone. Sad.” 

“Very.”

They went quiet once they saw Tony’s open door. It wasn’t fair if they gave Tony too many hints. (Clint really needed Tony to win, he didn’t know what he’d eat if he couldn’t have pizza.) 

Bucky turned the chair into Tony’s room. Other than a cast on his leg he looked fine. His face wasn’t even bruised. He must not have fallen too far. That seemed like a tactical error, Clint thought. “Heard you broke your leg.” Clint said when Tony didn’t react to their entry. 

Tony turned to look at them, “Heard you got stabbed. And fell out of a tree onto the only rock in the entire country.” He smirked, his eyes moving over the wheelchair. Apparently, he didn’t blame Clint for the injury. Which only meant Steve was dumber than he’d thought. 

“Hydra got some magic wizard rings like your wizard friend with the cheekbones. We should probably address that.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “of course they’ve got magic rings now. That’s just what they need. Did you tell Cap?” 

Clint snorted and leaned back in his wheelchair. It was nice not having to walk. “He’s too busy being a baby about you getting a booboo.” 

“I told him I was fine.”

“Have you considered reiterating the point?” Bucky asked and sat down in one of the visitor chairs. “He’s got a thick skull.” 

“He’s very dramatic when you get injured.” Clint offered and got smacked on the arm for it. Worth it, he thought. It was just one hint, and for all he knew Bucky was cheating in all the private time he and Steve had reminiscing about the bad old days of racial hatred and shit.

 

Chapter 2: A Wizard Stays the Night and it's Bad for Morale

Summary:

Steve and Tony continue to be oblivious. Natasha has to get involved with Tony's wizard friend starts spending too much time at the tower.

Clint realizes they need to expand their group of friends.

III.

“Steve is having a meltdown.” Natasha dropped onto the couch between Clint and Bucky. In hindsight, Clint should have known he’d left too much space between their thighs. Perfectly spaced for their mutual ex-girlfriend. Weird. 

Bucky had definitely downgraded.

“Why’s that?” Bucky asked, leaning over to make eye contact with Clint. They’d been having a very important discussion about whether or not they would try something new for dinner. Bucky tried to use brainwashing to his benefit. (I have to learn what I like, Clint!) and Clint said they already knew what they liked. Bucky liked the chicken strip at the diner by their apartment that served the pizza Lucky liked. 

Clint hated new things. 

“The wizard is here. Steve hates the wizard because Tony boned him.” She draped her legs across Bucky’s lap, glancing up at Clint as though daring him to say something. He didn’t. It was her world, Clint was just living in it. He preferred it that way. 

Bucky stuck his tongue out and sat his hands on her thigh. He knew how things were as well. “Tony’s messing around with the wizard?” 

Natasha shrugged, looking between the pair of them. Their lives were starting to feel a lot like a bad novel plot. They needed to find new people to mess around with; too many of them shared partners. It was getting nasty. 

“Why’s Steve care what Tony does?” Clint asked her, leaning back on the couch. The conversation about dinner was going to have to be couched. It was fine. They would go to the tasty diner and Bucky could try something new. Like a casserole or something. That was old timey.

The look Natasha leveled him with told him that she knew he was playing dumb. She hated when he played his part. “Because they’re in love with each other, Clinton.” She crossed her arm over her chest and dropped back against the couch. “Bruce says they’re playing us, but Steve is probably the worst liar I’ve ever met.” 

Those were valid points, Clint though, and he noticed Bucky nodding. They were all in agreement it seemed. Bruce’s theory was stupid. Though he spent the most time with Tony. Tony would tell him secrets like that.

“Clint thinks Tony will get his shit together first. I was morally obligated to say Steve would.” 

“He lives in New York, Tony.” Steve burst into the room, walking right past the tangle on the couch. Clint couldn’t help but roll his eyes. It was getting annoying watching the pair of them argue about everything. “He doesn’t need to stay here.” 

“It’s literally my building, Steve.” Tony shot back, following him into the room with a crazed 72 hours without sleep look in his eyes. The wizard and Tony must have been doing science. Because wizards needed science, or whatever. “I get to decide who stays here.”

“It’s about morale.” 

Even Bucky frowned at that. What did a wizard staying at the tower have to do with morale? Maybe Steve was talking about his own morale, but that was too selfish for the paper cutout Steve they’d been dealing with since this Tony nonsense had started. 

Tony rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over the filthy t-shirt he was wearing. Ew.

“He refused to join the team.” Steve shot back, as though it changed things. The wizard had his own things to do. Protecting reality seemed pretty important. And time consuming. Steve didn’t ban the X-Men from the tower. Evil Spider-man had even been allowed to visit that one time, and that was after he’d tried to eat Not Evil Spider-man. Clint hadn’t read the report. He wasn’t sure on the details. “He shouldn’t be able to come and play when he wants to.” 

Natasha tilted her head, listening to the arguments in front of her. Clint was pretty sure the three of them were on the same page here, but he wasn’t going to interrupt. 

Tony gesticulated wildly towards the couch, “just ask the peanut gallery here if it bothers them.”

Bucky rubbed Natasha’s thigh gently and shrugged his shoulder, “I’m contractually obligated to agree with whatever Steve’s position on the argument is as per the document I signed in 1925.”

Fair, Clint thought. The document was hanging in a museum. That probably made it extra-binding. 

“That doesn’t even count as a vote then.” Tony rolled his eyes, clearly getting more agitated as the conversation continued.

“Wade Wilson gets to stay the night here sometimes, I don’t think anything can be worse for ‘morale’ than Wade Wilson early in the morning.” Clint frowned, not wanting to be engaged in the argument longer than necessary. Part of him just wanted to tell the two idiots in front of him to piss off and go get it on. That was against the rules of the bet though. And that was more important than actually getting the pair of them to act like adults. 

Tony smirked at Steve as though that solved the entire argument. Because he was also an idiot. And running on no sleep.

“I don’t think you can hold Barnes to a contract he signed when he was eight, Steve.” Natasha added, looking around the room to see if anyone well versed in contracts was around. There wasn’t. They probably would have been smart enough to leave before getting sucked into the madness. “He also doesn’t care if Tony’s wizard friend stays the night.”

“We had to steal a pencil to write that contract.” Bucky told Natasha, as though the traitor actually remembered writing it, “That makes it extra binding.” He shrugged his shoulders, “Steve shouldn’t have to share Tony if he doesn’t want to anyway.” 

Steve furrowed his brow, looking deeply betrayed at Bucky’s words. Greatest military mind Clint’s ass. 

Natasha rolled her eyes and pushed Bucky off of her. As though she hadn’t imposed herself on their far more important discussion. “Just don’t go to the lab if having the wizard here bothers you so much, Steve.” She looked down at Clint and Bucky, “And Clint, try a new restaurant. The diner is terrible.” She smiled plaintively and moved swiftly out of the room. 

“The diner isn’t terrible,” Bucky told him, looking over with what Clint was sure was meant to be a comforting face, “Everyone just hates it except for your dog.”

Tony and Steve both looked offended to discover the conversation had drifted away from their pressing concerns. Despite the fact that Natasha had solved it. The tower was huge, Steve could easily avoid the wizard if he wanted to avoid the wizard. The problem was that that meant also avoiding Tony. 

“Maybe Steve and Tony would like to join us at a new restaurant?” He added, smiling softly over at Clint. Solid move.

Clint frowned, “as long as I can get coffee.”

 

 

Notes:

I added an additional chapter because I had to suddenly vacate my house and haven't had much time for writing. But I got this done and wanted to add it.

Chapter 3: Clint Thinks Looking Inside of His Boyfriend's Body is Gross and Steve Goes to Pride

Summary:

Bucky's arm gets maintenance and apparently Clint gets to be emotional support for that.

Steve has issues regarding Bucky, the police, and suckjobs in dirty alleyways. Wanda dances with a lesbian.

IV.

 

Clint swung his legs back and forth. Bucky had asked him to come down to Tony’s lab, and Clint was an amazing boyfriend so he went to the lab. Bucky was decidedly not an Amazing Boyfriend, and left out the fact that they were going to the lab so Tony could mess with his arm. Which was gross. When the shoulder panels were open Clint was positive he could see Bucky’s bone.

Gross.

(Clint wanted it on the record, however, that he fucking loved Bucky. The arm was part of Bucky and so he even loved the stupid Russian star on the shoulder that had branded Bucky as property. It was fucking normal, though, to not want to look inside the Star Light of Your Life™’s body. Nazi rogue science division war crime technology or not. 

It wasn’t like Bucky had been thrilled when he’d had to stick his finger in Clint’s chest when he’d been shot.)

Fortunately for Clint, though, the shoulder had remained closed this time. They were working with the fingers. Which made sense, Clint had overheard him telling Steve that one of his fingers was moving of its own accord. Not a great thing for a sniper.

He did look amazing in that black tank top. Big fan.

“He’s just so self-righteous.” He heard Tony tell Bucky and knew who he was talking about even without other context clues. They were in for another round of Tony and Steve being too dim to know they were in love. Awesome. “How do you even put up with that?”

Bucky shrugged and glanced over to Clint. He was thinking the same thing. “He has to make up for me.”

“It’s disgusting, that’s what it is.” Tony shot back, likely not having even heard Bucky’s response – which had been objectively hilarious, Clint thought. “Thinks he’s better than everyone else because Howard slapped an American flag on his chest.” 

It wasn’t worth it to correct Tony when he was revising history. At least when Howard was involved. Howard had been a touchy subject anyway since Steve had ratted Bucky out about sleeping with Howard anyway. Which had been wholly unnecessary and was just another symptom of Steve being stupid in love, Clint thought.

“It is really irritating how he won’t let me kill people.” Bucky agreed, shrugging his flesh shoulder. 

“I know, right!” Clint interjected and was ignored. 

Teams of superpowered people – and Clint – weren’t traditionally sent in to keep everyone alive. Killing people made the jobs they were sent on so much easier. There were only so many non-lethal arrows he could come up with, and Bucky’s body was generally just lethal. Steve was crippling the team by telling them to keep the goons alive. They had made their bed by becoming goons.

“So, I shot a couple of nameless Hydra idiots,” Tony waved the tool in his hand around and rolled his eyes, “they’re Nazis. The world is better off with them dead.” 

Bucky nodded. Bucky was always down for killing Hydra.

The tool went back into Bucky’s palm (gross) but Tony had turned around to face Clint. Seemed unsafe, but Clint wasn’t the scientist. “He came down here to tell me basically everything I’ve ever done wrong because I shot to kill.”

“Nazis.” Clint agreed. “He never gives anyone else shit for killing Nazis.” He added, knowing Tony didn’t have the emotional intelligence to realize it was flirting.

“Sometimes I rag on Clint for using trick arrows instead of real ones when we fight Hydra.” Bucky jolted forward and frowned at Tony. He snatched the tool out of Tony’s hand and pulled it out of his hand. “Watch what you’re doing man. I can feel this shit. 

Tony rolled his eyes and turned away from Clint. “That’s because I’ve got a metal scalpel inside your body, genius.” He pulled the tool away from Bucky’s hand, “Clint can do it next time if you want to complain about how I do it.”

Clint shook his head. He was absolutely not going to mess with Bucky’s arm. That was the stuff of his nightmares. The arm could go inside Clint, but Clint wasn’t going into the arm. He had rules.

“There’s a rage monster, three assassins, and me on the team. There’s gonna be death.” Tony brought the conversation back to Steve in a way that impressed even Clint. That meant he was really fired up. This was a chance for Clint to try and nudge the odds in his favor though, so he supported it. “I’m not putting rubber bullets in the suit.” 

“Rubber bullets are shit.” Bucky frowned.

“Isn’t he kinda cute when he’s riled up though?” Clint asked, glancing over to see Tony opening the panels on Bucky’s wrist. That seemed unnecessary, but Tony had a hardon for the arm so…

“No.” Bucky frowned at the same time Tony let out an emphatic “yes.”  Clint smirked, staring directly at his boyfriend. 

Tony looked up at Bucky, shrugging a bit before pressing the tool into Bucky’s wrist. All of the metal fingers curled. “I got a competence kink, don’t judge me.”

Gross.

No one needed to know about Tony’s kinks. 

It did make sense though.

Bucky stared at Clint, frowning slightly. He hadn’t cheated so Bucky could deal.

“Steve’s sexually attracted to competence.” Bucky offered casually, and that made sense as well. Peggy, Tony, Natasha. That weird time he had a crush on Peggy’s great-niece.  Bucky had let him know that wasn’t acceptable though, so that had put an end to it.

Fortunately, Bucky had a thing for human disasters. At least he seemed to be, based on Clint’s knowledge of his dating history. Howard had been a hot mess. Natasha threw a crimp in that theory though. Bucky had been brainwashed during that though. 

Natasha didn’t count, Clint decided. Bucky was sexually attracted to dumpster fires. 

He needed to never meet Matt Murdock. 

“Makes sense.” Tony mused, opening another panel. “I guess Wilson’s mostly capable.” 

Bucky snorted. “Steve isn’t with Wilson.” Good, Clint thought. Bucky wasn’t dedicated to the bet enough to let people think Steve was sleeping with Sam.

Clint was pretty sure Steve had attempted flirting with Sam when they’d met. He’d seen videos Natasha had taken on her phone. It was embarrassing. It fit the pattern.

Tony hummed as he picked up a bigger metal tool. He stared at it, weighing it in his hand. Clint thought he looked relieved at the new information. “Maybe you should just talk with him about it?” Bucky offered, leaning back slightly. He stared down into his own wrist and sighed. “Nothing is getting solved by you two being at each other’s necks.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Wow, can’t believe I didn’t try that.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes back. Tony was being a child. “Go to couple’s counseling then. Clint and I went once.”

That wasn’t entirely accurate, Clint thought. They had been forced to go to a therapist in order to convince her their relationship wasn’t going to keep them from being effective at saving the world. They hadn’t had to attend more than one session because they’d been assembled, and Clint had made the responsible decision to save a child instead of Bucky after Bucky’d taken a knife to the neck. 

He could do his futzing job. Boyfriend or no.

“Tony Stark doesn’t do counseling.”

“Tony Stark apparently needs it if he talks about himself in the third person…” Clint mumbled, but knew he needed to let it drop. So he did.

He and Bucky had things to do once the arm was fixed up.

V.

Bucky slid his hand into Clint’s back pocket, smiling softly over at him. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Steve checking over his shoulder, and sighed. “This is Pride, Buddy.” He turned back to Steve, pulling Clint up against his side. “It’s going to be fine, I promise.”

Clint nodded, his eyes locked on Tony and Wanda throwing rainbow confetti at passersby. It was her first Pride as well, but she was handling it far better than Steve. And she was from a socialist disaster of a country. 

Steve had spent years lying for Bucky so he could get off with strange men in alleys. He should have been used to it Bucky thought.

“It’s just a bad habit, Buck.” Steve gave a wry smile. “You made me look out for fifteen years. It was my job to keep an eye out for cops, so you didn’t get carted off.”

Bucky supposed that made sense. Bucky had never cared about the police, but Steve had been forced to pick up the slack on that one. At least in regards to Bucky’s safety.

“Remember that time you got cracked over the head with a billy club?”

Bucky shook his head. He did not, in fact, remember that ever happening.  He did remember the police having wooden clubs they used to terrorize people, but that was it. “Try to enjoy yourself. Tony said it’s the biggest party of the year. 

Steve shrugged his shoulders, watching Tony and Wanda. His shoulders drooped as Wanda was pulled into a twirl with a passing woman decked in rainbows. She let out a bright laugh and Tony tossed more confetti on her. “You know it’s not that I’ve got a problem with this, or anything…” He muttered, and Bucky nodded. 

“I got it, man.” 

Clint glanced over and smiled at Steve, “go play with Tony. He’ll show you how to have a good time.” At the very least, Bucky thought, Tony’s antics would distract Steve from the discomfort. The last thing they needed was someone posting an article about Steve being uncomfortable around gays. The United States government has wiped out any record of the week Steve had spent in jail for attacking a man with a crowbar after seeing him punch a man coming out of a gay bar. 

Even angry little Stevie Rogers had possessed the clarity of mind to lean into the club and announce the pending arrival of the police. 

Tactical genius, indeed.

“What are you two going to do if I do that?”

Clint grinned brightly. “We’re gonna recreate the bad old days. Public indecency laws are lax during Pride. Buck’s gonna go down on me in that alley over there.” He cocked his thumb towards the nearest alleyway. 

Bucky grinned and nodded his head. Exhibitionism made Clint happy, and making Clint happy made Bucky happy. Besides, it was somewhat thrilling knowing they could get caught. Especially if they weren’t going to go to jail in the end. “Clint’s into doing shit in public. He’s a performer at his core.” 

Steve frowned. “That’s illegal Buck.”

“So was shooting the 35^th president in the head, but I already did that shit so…” He shrugged and Clint had to stifle a laugh at the eyebrows of disappointment. Steve always got his panties in a knot when it came to the Winter Soldier.

Clint said it was better that way, otherwise Steve’s competence kink would have gotten a hardon just thinking about Bucky’s mad skills. Whatever that meant. 

“That’s probably way more illegal.” Clint agreed, leaning in to press a kiss against Bucky’s cheek. “I think Tony would really like your company. Here at Pride. You two could have a dance. It wouldn’t even be a big deal. It’s Pride.”

They all glanced over to see Tony taking photographs with scantily clad men, a huge smile on his face. It had taken all of Pepper’s skill to keep Tony from using the Iron Man suit to launch confetti over the crowd. Bucky’d really wanted to see that though. 

Steve sighed, his shoulders dropping slightly. He had never actively attempted to keep Bucky from getting laid as far as Bucky remembered. It didn’t seem he was going to start either. With a small smile he grabbed the replica shield Tony had made him (adamantium was so cool, Bucky thought) and reached behind him to attach it to the magnetized bracers.

“Rainbow shield, so cool.” Clint grinned

Bucky leaned against the wall, pulling Clint along with him. With a hum, he wrapped his arms around Clint’s waist and held him close. “We’re gonna have to do it for them.” He muttered.

Steve came to a stop next to Tony, brows furrowing as the latter threw some confetti in his direction. “Yep.” Clint nodded, leaning back against Bucky. Clint said he was a surprisingly effective big spoon despite being nine inches shorter. Even Hydra couldn’t kill Bucky’s charm.

Tony swayed closer to Steve, his eyes locked firmly on Wanda. Part of Bucky wanted to go make sure she wasn’t being kidnapped by the group of lesbians she was dancing with, but she was the Strongest Avenger so she’d be fine.

While his attention was on Wanda, Clint let out a soft gasp. He pointed towards Steve and Tony. Bucky turned his gaze back to their friends and saw that Steve had wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulder. 

“Tell me what they’re saying!” Clint hissed, leaning back further against Bucky. This was way less thrilling than debauching each other in an alleyway, but it was their life.

“’Bucky and Clint said we should have a dance, I’m not much of a dancer.’ Fuck. He’s got no game.” Bucky whispered into Clint’s ear, doing his best to make sure Steve didn’t catch them. “Tony says, ‘don’t worry, it’s just about having a good time.’ I thought he was good at this shit.”

“He’s good at getting people to bed.” Clint shrugged, tilting his head to watch the disaster unfolding. “Howard was kinda like my dad, Tony’s a bit weird with emotions.” 

Bucky could see that. Howard had been stunted in the emotions department. Bucky apparently hadn’t even rated a mention in the 45 years after his death. It made sense that he wasn’t a great dad.

Tony leaned into Steve’s side, flashing a peace sign for a passing camera. That would get attention online. Hopefully Steve didn’t look like an idiot. “If they don’t figure it out today, let’s just tell them?” Clint offered, watching as the two separated again. 

“Yeah, okay.”

 V + I

“I’m not good at this shit.” Tony dropped down into the chair next to Steve. His gaze remained on the rest of the team, milling about the space he’d set out for their team building party. Bucky and Clint were being nearly indecent against one of the walls. Clint got handsy when he drank and Bucky lived to please.

Steve glanced over at Tony. “You throw swell parties.”

“Swell, he says.” Tony chuckled softly. “I mean talking about shit. Being honest.”

Steve nodded, turning his gaze back to the party. Everyone else seemed to be having a banner time. Even Bruce seemed relaxed. “I’m not either.”

Tony reached out and took Steve’s hand into his own. He squeezed it gently and nodded. “So, yeah.”

Steve smiled softly and squeezed back. “So, yeah.”

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Bucky and Clint Make a Bet, Steve and Tony Don’t Make a Porno