Chapter Text
The lightbulb in the living room really needs to be replaced. Murdoc can hardly see a thing under the dim light of the single nearly-burnt bulb hanging from the ceiling. Every time he needed to go down to the living room at night, he had to resort to using his phone's flashlight like he was an explorer potholing a bottomless abyss.
Though, Murdoc supposes he should feel some type of gratitude in this exact moment considering who he was with right now. Not being able to see much has done wonders for him today. At least he doesn't have to worry about the person next to him reading into the conflicted expressions on his own face.
"...now I wanted this track to have a... sort of a synth pop feel to it, something like Strobelite 'cause I loved that one from the last album. I added some cowbell to the..."
Murdoc glances at his companion. Good, he was still in the middle of an explanation about the song they were both currently listening to, completely engrossed with pointing out lyrics that he thought needed some clarification. Murdoc hasn't been paying attention to a single word. Instead, he was busy texting a certain someone an increasingly distressed series of messages, getting more and more frustrated with every reply he got.
"Just hang tight. You can do it! 🙂" the latest one reads.
"I want to know why I have to do this in the first place," Murdoc texts.
"Because you both need it."
Murdoc sighs.
"Ya gonna keep eating that?" a voice interrupts.
Murdoc blinks, lifting his gaze away from his phone to address his questioner. It's 2D, staring back at Murdoc with furrowed eyebrows. He wasn't paying attention to the song playing through their shared earphones anymore, having noticed Murdoc's lack of response to his questions. When he doesn't get a reply immediately, 2D moves to pause the song on his tablet with a look of resignation.
"You're not even listening to me," he states with a sigh. He peels off the earbud connected to his own ear.
"What?" Murdoc says after a full five seconds, preoccupied with tapping out a reply on his phone.
2D clicks his tongue in annoyance, then gestures to the bag of chips that Murdoc was eating. Key word: was. Murdoc had completely forgotten about it. Currently the bag was hanging loosely in his left hand, still half-filled. It was dangerously close to slipping out of his grasp. When Murdoc repositions his hand, shards of potato chips fall out of the bag's open lip and litter the couch.
His bandmate brushes the crumbs off the couch and into a paper towel. "I said, are you going to finish that?" 2D repeats again, as if Murdoc was slow and hard of hearing. "Or are you going to let it all spill on the floor? I bought those crisps. They were supposed to be mine. Stop wasting good food."
Murdoc arches his brow at 2D's curt tone and passes the bag of chips. 2D takes it wordlessly and chews on a potato chip, lost in thought. Shaking his head at the flippant way 2D ignores him, Murdoc takes the chance to return his attention to his text.
"This little tête-à-tête you've arranged between me and faceache is completely fucking pointless," Murdoc types out furiously. "What do you want to get out of this? Can you just come back and end my misery already?!"
Murdoc sends the message with a suppressed groan of defeat. He had been trapped in a futile argument with Noodle, demanding a reason as to why he was forced into what she had called 'quality bonding time' with 2D. But so far, no luck. There was just no convincing her to spill anything about her harebrained schemes.
All the warning he had for what was in store for him today was a strongly worded text from Russel that afternoon, telling Murdoc that they were done with him trying to avoid 2D. A cursory check of all of the rooms in the house told Murdoc that Noodle and Russel had disappeared, which meant that he was alone with him.
Murdoc had tried to threaten them by saying he would leave the house too, but the answering call that he had received from Russ had chilled him so much that he didn't dare take one step out the door.
Russel could be terrifying when he needs to be.
"Earth to Murdoc," 2D says pointedly, trying to catch Murdoc's attention. He drums his fingers on his chest, radiating waves of irritation. "M'sorry, is what we're doing so much of a bore that you have to play with your phone while I'm talking to you?"
Murdoc jolts in surprise and pockets his phone."I wasn't— I'm listening to you. That last song you played, Sorcererz? It has a good beat. I liked your vocals on that one."
"We're at Lake Zurich now. Y'mean to say you stopped listening after Sorcererz? Wow, Murdoc. Should've known better."
Murdoc quickly backtracks, shaking his head. "No, what I meant to say was—"
"—that you haven't been listening to anything I've said since we were sat here in the living room for the past hour," 2D finishes sarcastically. "That's what you mean to say. Christ. Save the excuses for someone who'll believe them, Muds. If your messages are so important, then go finish them up first. I'm gonna make a snack in the kitchen if you're just going to waste my time like this."
"What? For fuck's sake 2D, stop being so—"
"Be back when I feel like it." 2D doesn't even wait for Murdoc to protest, standing up and walking off in the direction of the kitchen. He slams the door so hard it shakes the dust off the old wooden walls of the house. Murdoc groans and sags back into his seat, partly from relief at not having to deal with 2D's irritating new confidence, and partly from frustration at managing to piss off 2D yet again.
Fuck, he thought he was being so careful. It was just landmine after landmine with 2D. How the hell was he supposed to to go about the herculean task of restoring their relationship, when every little thing triggered 2D? His bandmate's just changed too damned much for Murdoc to keep up.
Maybe having a relationship resembling normalcy with 2D was out of reach for him.
His phone vibrates in his pocket. With one quick glance at the door, Murdoc retrieves his phone and looks at the new reply.
Noodle: This is what you get for ignoring him since you got back, Murdoc. We had to do it. Your fight's messing with our band dynamic. Me and Russ needed to find a way for you two to stop being dumb and start talking again. We have a tour to prepare for and we can't work together when you're both like this.
Murdoc: How many times do I have to tell you, we've got nothing to talk about. Me and Dents can get on perfectly well, we're not fighting. When you're here, that is. There's no need to subject me to a full, unfiltered dose of 2D's idiocy.
Noodle: Don't lie to me, Murdoc. You and 2D are far from OK. You both haven't spoken a word to each other since you got back from prison! Watching you two is just so awkward!
Noodle: And are you SURE you don't have anything to talk about? I'd eat my guitar before I believe that 😑
Murdoc: Sure as I'd ever be. He's known we were alone since this afternoon but he only started talking to me an hour ago. I'm surprised he hasn't left the house himself. Did you talk to him about this? Is that why he suddenly stopped pretending I didn't exist and dragged me out to listen to that blasted album of his? Did you tell him everything I told you??
Noodle: I didn't say a thing to him. And why'd you wait until he talked to you first? Maybe he ignored you because you didn't make the first move?
Murdoc: Or he just doesn't want to talk to me.
Noodle: I don't think so, Muds. Trust me, he does want to talk to you. He's just hiding it.
Satan, how can this girl be so delirious? Murdoc grits his teeth while he types out his next message.
Murdoc: For the last time, he doesn't want to talk to me. He's just bored since I'm the only one in the house. He has no choice.
Murdoc: I'm already on thin fucking ice here. 2D got his knickers in a twist over me texting you while he was talking about one of his songs. Says I wasn't giving him the time of the day and he stormed out of the room. I don't know when he'll be back.
Noodle: Then get off the phone and go find him, silly. Are you just going to let things stay weird between you two forever?
Murdoc pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to fight back the irritation he felt from reading Noodle's reply. He had the overwhelming urge to throw his phone and jump out the nearest window. Anything to escape the inevitable awkwardness that came with having to talk to 2D. But for now, he bites back the urge, scrolls through his contacts, and presses the call button. He was starting to become impatient with Noodle's slow and carefree replies.
"Murdoc?"
"When are you going to end this farce, Noodle?" he says as soon as he hears her voice. He gets up and starts wandering around the room restlessly, wishing Noodle would just stop fucking with him. "D'you plan on staying out until we kiss and make up? Might as well just change addresses if that's the case."
"No. We'll be back when you stop being such a baby and talk to him for real."
"You could've waited until I had time to think about it. This is a delicate matter, Noods. It requires a certain subtlety that I— may I remind you— do not currently possess. 2D's teenaged mood swings are completely fucking inscrutable to me." His mind flashes back to the time he had arrived back at the Gorillaz household, when he had been fresh out of his "prison break" having narrowly escaped dying in a sewer.
2D's eyes had widened when he first set eyes on Murdoc, but he hadn't come over to greet him like Murdoc had expected. 2D didn't even punch or scream at him. Instead, he turned around and went into his room, ignoring the looks of confusion on everyone else's face. 2D continued to ignore him for days.
Until today, that is.
"Muds, we've tried all the ways to get you to talk to 2D privately but you keep brushing us off and making excuses. You told me you've changed. You told me you were making an honest effort to toss out your bad habits and apologize for your shitty behavior. I think 2D needs that apology the most."
Then, as if afraid that Murdoc would go back on his word, she adds:
"You promised, Muds. Please."
Murdoc's retort dies in his throat. Fuck. He was powerless when Noodle begged him like that.
"Fine. You win. I'm already talking to 2D, stop guilt tripping me. Satan, you can be stubborn when you need to."
"I learned from the best," she quips, then thankfully changes the subject."Kidding aside, how're you two doing now? You mentioned that you were listening to his songs together?"
"Right. We were fine when we were just listening to random songs on his playlist, but then faceache suddenly gets this terrible idea to make me sit through some songs from The Now Now. He insisted that since I haven't heard the album at all, I should give it a listen so I wouldn't mess anything up if any interviewers ask me about it."
"That sound like what 'new' 2D would say," Noodle muses. "So what did he say when you told him what you thought of his album? Was he surprised when you told him you've listened to all of his songs while you were in prison?"
A pause. Murdoc stops pacing the floor, contemplating what he would say. He transfers his phone to his other ear and starts talking more quietly.
"Haven't got to that. I haven't told him yet because I can't figure out how to bring it up. He still thinks today's the first time I'm hearing the album. I don't think he'd want to know, anyway."
He forces a laugh so unconvincing that it sounded fake to his own ears. "You should've seen the way he glossed over the lyrics of his own songs. Never knew the amount of bullshit he could pull out of his own arse. Almost laughed while he was trying to explain away Kansas."
"Wait. You haven't told him?" Noodle sounded confused. "You never said anything to him about knowing—"
"Err, no," he admits, interrupting Noodle. He did not want to hear what she was likely going to ask. "I haven't told him that yet."
There's another, longer pause. One so long that Murdoc thought that Noodle had hung up.
"...You two really are the biggest idiots I know," Noodle finally says. "And you tell me you don't have anything to say to 2D. Why don't you—"
A hand drops onto Murdoc's shoulder before he could hear the end of Noodle's sentence. Startled, Murdoc whirls around and sees the terrifying shadow of a man nearly half a head taller than him.
"FUCK!" Murdoc yelps, almost dropping his phone. Blinking back the spots in his vision from staring at his phone screen for too long, his eyes take a second to adjust to the dim light. The dark shadow morphs into the unamused figure of 2D carrying a half-eaten sandwich on a plate. Murdoc clutches his chest and glares at 2D. "Thank Satan it's just you, anyone else and I would've been sent to the hospital for cardiac arrest. Warn me next time, will you!?"
"You've been talking to Noodle," 2D says flatly, depositing the remains of his snack on the coffee table. "You've been texting someone all afternoon and Noods and Russ were gone a long time. It's her, innit? Or Russel? Did they put you up for this?"
"Err..." Murdoc says hesitantly, flitting his gaze between his phone and 2D. He was reluctant to accept that he'd been found out. Noodle had gone completely silent on the line, perhaps sensing that their conversation had been compromised. "She might've had something to do with our... current circumstances..."
2D's expectant face turns into a look that was completely unreadable. He straightens up and scrutinizes his bandmate, looking more closed off than he did before.
"I knew it. So it was her who made you put up with me, then?" 2D asks in a neutral tone, but Murdoc could sense the underlying edge of disappointment in his voice. 2D folds his arms across his chest and faces the other direction, cutting off Murdoc's only way of reading his mood. "I had my suspicions. Well, you don't need to feel like you have to humor me or anythin'. Forget anything that Noodle said to you. I know how much you hate my album."
"I never hated it," Murdoc shoots back defensively. He switches off his phone, unwilling to let Noodle eavesdrop on the conversation. "Or at least, I don't hate it anymore. S'not completely awful. You... it was acceptable."
Murdoc was telling the truth. He had hated it, back when he had been bitter and oblivious; back when he was in jail and before he had given 2D's album a chance. It was a different story now.
He doesn't hate it. He just... doesn't know what to feel about it.
"What a nice compliment, Muds," 2D replies tiredly. He moves to pick up his tablet, switching it off and wrapping the earphone cord around it neatly. "You weren't even listening to me while I was explaining my songs to you. But 'course you don't care 'bout that, right?"
2D sighs heavily, stuffing his tablet into a bag. "Y'know what, we're done here. Thanks for pretending you wanted to hang out with me. See you in band practice tomorrow."
Murdoc didn't know why, but the thought of 2D leaving this time set off alarm bells in his head. As if something was warning him that if he didn't get off his ass and do something to prevent 2D from leaving, he would regret it for the rest of his life. Thinking fast, he leaps up and grabs 2D's wrist in a tight death grip, forcing the other to look at him straight in the eyes. 2D's yanked back so abruptly that he crashes into Murdoc's chest.
He fights back the urge to run away when 2D shoots him a withering look. Murdoc tightens his hold onto the other's wrist. "Calm your particularly agitated tits, D. Stay. Give me another chance. I know how much this means to you," he says in a placating tone. "I won't fuck around anymore, so you can sit back down and continue droning on about your little album. I won't keep checking my mobile, I swear."
2D shakes off his grip violently. "Why should I? Y'haven't done anything to deserve my trust. Ever since you got back from prison, you haven't even bothered to talk to me. It's been days. And then the first thing you do when we're left alone in the house is ignore me."
"Wait just one bloody minute. That's not right. You were the one who ignored me first, not the other way 'round. We were alone in the house for six fucking hours before you decided I was worth your time."
"'Cause I was waiting for you to say something!" 2D slaps his forehead. "I should've known you wouldn't have done anything if I didn't start it myself. I'm always the one making an effort here."
There's a tense silence as the underlying accusation in 2D's last statement sinks in. The two men stared at each other, the electrifying atmosphere fueling their emotions. Even shielded by the darkness of the living room, Murdoc could clearly picture the look on 2D's face. He's completely infuriated by the other's passive-aggressiveness.
"Will ya just shut your mouth," he snaps. "I stayed out of your way 'cause I thought you didn't want to talk t'me. Didn't want to be the first one to speak if all I'm gonna get is something like a conversation with a brick wall. Stop making asinine assumptions about my motives when you know jack shit."
"Bugger off, Muds. I know you plenty," 2D shoots back. "And me not knowing whatever goes on in that mind of yours doesn't change the fact that it was your sodding choices that ruined this whole day again."
Murdoc wanted to shake him. Why the hell was everything always his fault? "Damn it. Just because I was texting Noodle doesn't mean I haven't listened to your songs, dullard. I liked your album, alright?"
"That's complete bull. Why the fuck would you like it? I wrote those songs while you were in prison. You didn't have any input at all."
"Thank you for pointing out the obvious," Murdoc said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Why would you like it, then?"
"Why? WHY?" Murdoc asks incredulously, reaching the limits of his patience. He didn't care anymore about what 2D would think about him. Murdoc was exhausted and he just wanted to let out everything that's been on his mind for the past few weeks. Might as well get in one last bit of satisfaction. "I don't know, you tell me. How about the fact that your damn album's full of songs about our relationship?"
2D blinks.
"The... what?" 2D's mouth hangs open in surprise when he registers Murdoc's words. His whole body stiffens in shock.
"You heard me," Murdoc said in a mock-sweet tone. He moves closer to 2D, relishing the way that the other seemed to back away instinctively. "I had my suspicions when I first listened to Humility, but I thought to myself, 'no, of course faceache wouldn't have the balls to write and record songs about me'. So I moved on. Imagine the shock I got when I listened to the other ones."
"You— I was—"
"I especially loved Fire Flies, that one was real entertaining. The bridge though, some of it sounded familiar. Almost like it was paraphrased from that confession I made to you when I got shitfaced after a concert. You remember that night, Dents? Don't tell me you forgot about that already, it happened only a week before I got arrested. You even had the nerve to leave me hungover and alone the next morning."
"It— It wasn't about—" 2D denies uselessly, backing away from Murdoc.
"—But that's just a coincidence, right?" Murdoc asks, eyes glinting with mischief. For every step back that 2D took, he matched it with one step forward, until he had cornered 2D against a wall. Murdoc slaps his palm on the surface of the wall next to a terrified 2D, blocking off the only means of escape. "I'm sure none of the other songs are any indication of what you feel about me or my absence."
2D opens and closes his mouth like a goldfish, unable to refute anything Murdoc was saying. "We didn't even listen to that song, how—"
"Before you start spewing whatever inane drivel that's on your mind, shut up," he commands, staring into 2D's eyes, "and do me just one favor. Ask me which song I liked best from your album."
"W-w-why?"
"Just do it, dullard."
"Err... which... what song did you like?" 2D squeaks out, coerced by the downright frightening look on the other's face. Murdoc simply smiles and leans in close enough to invade his personal space. He brushes his lips against 2D's ear.
"Souk Eye," he whispers.
2D flinches like he was scalded by hot water and turns a bright shade of pink. He shoves Murdoc away, blubbering incoherently and avoiding his bandmate's eyes. Murdoc would've laughed at how adorable the sight of a flustered 2D was if his own heart wasn't threatening to jump out of his chest.
"I-I-I gotta go, sorry," 2D eventually stammers out, scrambling to put as much distance between himself and Murdoc. "I- I'll talk to you when Russ and Noods—"
Was this moron trying to leave? Fuck no. Murdoc makes a move to grab his wrist again, but 2D simply dances away from Murdoc's reach. As soon as 2D tries to escape to the door, Murdoc lurches forward, wrapping his arms around the other's waist and bringing them both crashing to the ground. The impact of their collision knocks the wind out of Murdoc.
"Owww! What the fuck, Muds?" 2D cries out. He was crushed under Murdoc's full weight, his limbs splayed out in painful angles. Murdoc allows 2D to sit up, only to then pin him back onto the floor by his wrists when he attempts to pull away again.
"Stop running away, you berk. Didn't you want this to happen? You're making me listen to your bloody music. How did you expect me to react to those songs? Don't tell me you assumed I had as many brain cells as you and thought I wouldn't find out."
"I... I just thought that..." There was a long silence as 2D collected his thoughts. He turns his head away from Murdoc and bites his lip. "I just never thought you'd listen to my songs before I got a chance to show them to you. I was... I was thinkin' a long time 'bout the things I'd say to you. I was gonna lie about who it was for. Be all casual and whatnot. I... I thought you'd never figure it out since we had a huge fight before we separated."
Murdoc huffs in annoyance, but he loosens his grip on 2D minutely. "If you haven't made it so obvious that even our fans started to notice, there might've been a miniscule chance of me believing you. But you didn't do that. Got a little carried away, Dents?"
2D's eyes stray to the door. "Couldn't help it," he says quietly. "With you gone, I was alone with a lot of pent-up emotions that I had to deal with all of a sudden. They were always there, I suppose, but it just got worse when you were sent to prison. My mind was too loud. Makin' my songs helped me feel more sane and sort out everythin' I was feeling. Kind o' like it was my own personal therapy.
"So I started writing the album," he continues. "And it got me thinking. At first, I was just so cross with you. That's all I felt. You were gone for months and I had all the time in the world to think about everything you've done with me. To me. I'm always getting hurt because of you, and you never act like you cared 'bout it. I never heard a genuine apology from you. Not even once. Well you do apologize, but you never mean it. I've still got... nightmares... from what you've done..."
Murdoc's grip slackens with each new revelation but 2D hardly notices. There's a distant look in 2D's eyes that makes him wonder what memories were playing out in his bandmate's head. They seemed to pull 2D to an unsavory place.
Murdoc's mind immediately reminds him of Plastic Beach.
"...I wrote The Now Now like it was a way for me to get my revenge on you for mistreating me for so long. An' it made me feel real good at first, but then it just made me feel... empty. And I kept writing and writing just to make that empty feeling go away but it never did. It just made me realize something."
Murdoc was almost too afraid to ask. He lets go of 2D's wrists and brings his face closer to the other's. "What was it? What d'ya realize?"
2D's eyes looked watery under the dim yellow light of the living room. "I missed ya, Murdoc. I really did."
For a single moment, Murdoc's world seemed to screech to a halt. 2D's glassy black orbs meet Murdoc's mismatched ones in a gaze so deep that it felt like they were staring straight into the other's very soul. Murdoc reaches out and touches 2D's cheek with a single digit.
In Murdoc's experience, no relationship ever lasts forever. It was always so fucking easy to destroy them. Even something like distance and time could turn a best friend into a complete stranger. So when he was hauled off to prison and forced to watch 2D and his bandmates have a life without him, it terrified him. He knew he was being forgotten, replaced, thrown away like rubbish found on the side of the street.
Who has the time to keep track of a friend you might never see again? What idiot would spare a thought for the fuckup of a friend who's landed himself in jail for the nth time in a row? And what's your chances of winning back a friend when your friendship was a strained one that had endured many years of tears, disappointment, abuse, and regrets?
Even one that had the potential to be so much more.
"I... I missed you too," Murdoc whispers, leaning in close enough that his nose brushed against 2D's. "I couldn't stand knowing you were better off without me. When I first listened to your album, I was surprised. Then I was... elated. I was happy you didn't forget about me, 2D."
There was another silence as 2D absorbed his words. Murdoc could pinpoint the exact moment when everything clicked in the other's head. 2D wraps his arms around Murdoc's neck shyly and pulls him in for a tentative kiss.
Murdoc's reaction was immediate. He braces himself over 2D and deepens the kiss, sticking his skilled, serpentine tongue past 2D's lips as soon as the other had opened his mouth to breathe. Murdoc starts exploring 2D's mouth with fervor, taking his time to taste the other man. He smiles when 2D sucks on his tongue greedily.
There were no other sounds in the living room except for the wet smacking of their lips and their labored breathing. 2D's hands travel to Murdoc's soft strands of black hair and pulls at them hard enough to earn a groan of pained pleasure from the other man. In reply, Murdoc grinds down hard on 2D's crotch, chuckling at the indignant mewl 2D makes. He shoves his hands under 2D's shirt, roaming them over the other's bare flesh.
Murdoc didn't know how much time they spent on the living room floor, snogging the daylights out of each other. All he knew was that after some time, 2D's hands drop from his hair and move to his chest as if he was deciding on whether to push Murdoc away or pull him closer. 2D's kisses become slower and more languid, until he had stopped responding to Murdoc's touches altogether.
"Wait," 2D gasps, but his voice sounded distant compared to the blood pounding in Murdoc's ears. He continues to kiss 2D over and over, completely addicted to his scent and taste.
"I— No. No. Murdoc, stop it, please," 2D pleads again. He sits up, pushing the other man off him with little force. His whole body was shaking and he wore a panicked look in his eyes that made Murdoc stop short.
"I can't. I can't do this now. I— I need time to think." 2D dashes out of the door without another word, leaving Murdoc to stew in the darkness of the living room alone.
This time, Murdoc doesn't even try to stop him.