Chapter Text
Minji
Hyeonie. Baby…
I read your letter.
I couldn’t understand some of it, the English parts, of course.
Can we please talk about this in person?
I’m not sure what you’re trying to say.
But if it’s something I can fix you know I will.
Yoohyeon
I don’t think it’s something you can fix this time.
MJ
What is it? Whatever it is I’m sure I can find a way.
YH
I just don’t think I can continue this anymore Minji.
I’m sorry.
MJ
Continue what? Us? Baby, what’s wrong?
YH
This is gonna sound so cliche but,
it’s not you, it’s me.
Nothing’s wrong with you Minji
MJ
Just come back home. We’ll figure
this out together.
YH
I’m sorry.
[A month ago]
MJ
Hyeonie… I know you’re still here in Korea.
I hope you’re doing well.
I miss you, my love.
I wanted to tell you that I was given a trip for two to Jeju.
Company perk, you know.
And well, I wanted to ask if you’d like to go with me?
It’s at the end of the month.
I know I’m asking too much, maybe I’m just being hopeful.
I know, you’re not talking to me. I just…
I just miss you so much.
I just want to see you again
I read your letter every night
It’s all I have left that’s you
[one hour later]
If you’re breaking up with me, at least do it in person!
AT LEAST GIVE ME THAT MUCH!
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to “yell”
Just say anything. Please.
Whatever you’re going through
just know I still love you, Yoohyeon.
I love you.
YH
When is the trip?
MJ
!!!
The last Friday of this month.
YH
Ok. Well, have fun.
MJ
Hyeonie…
Hyeonie…
Come on…
:(
Yoohyeon scrolled through the past text messages between Minji and her. It’s been almost two months since she last saw her, since she went MIA without warning. Minji’s calls to her were unanswered, her texts replied with barely any explanation. She didn’t mean to be so cold-hearted and indifferent, but she was hoping Minji would take the hint that she was backing off from her. Still, Yoohyeon wasn’t even sure if she wanted it to be over with Minji, her girlfriend of two years.
Old feelings still lingered inside her like an itch that doesn’t go away. Every thought of her made Yoohyeon want to come back, back into her arms again and feel those kisses by those lips that always formed the brightest smile. She hoped Minji couldn’t see through her ruse, but the guilt and burden were killing her inside. So she took the coward’s way out. Running away.
She stuck her free hand into her hoodie pocket, feeling the card stock edge of her boarding pass, her ticket back home to the states where everything will be familiar again. She tried--in the two years here--to fit here in her birth country, but it still felt foreign to her, and it treated her the same way, a foreigner, or rather, an outsider who looked like them but will never fully be a true fellow countryman. She tried--she swore she tried--but that was only one of several reasons why she was leaving, but she was just too chickenshit to confront the other conflicts inside her.
She finally tore her gaze away from her phone, now aware of her surroundings. The airport was bustling with people catching their flights, the sounds of shuffling feet and rolling luggage wheels hummed in her ears like bees in a hive. She leaned against the railing, watching people scurrying below her from the second floor. They looked more like ants than bees, she thought. An oddly placed water fountain divided the traffic but it did not interfere with the flow at all.
Yoohyeon looked at her phone again and realized that Minji is probably on her way to Jeju according to her text weeks ago. For a moment she panicked thinking that she might suddenly bump into her accidentally at the airport. That would be some K-drama shit, right? She smirked at the thought. Minji had dyed her hair jet black the last time she saw her so it would be impossible to spot her among the ants of people. She remembered it gave her such a domineering presence (much more than the fiery red color she had when they first met) that even Yoohyeon found herself intimidated by her despite knowing that Minji is the biggest softie in the world.
She shook her head for thinking about her again. Her thumb now hovered over the screen, hesitating to send out one last message before she hopped on her plane to say “ Sayonara, Korea!” But does it matter anymore? Wasn’t her silence enough to let Minji know that it was over? Still, she felt like a jerk for leaving her like a bad cliffhanger. So she tried to think of a final message. She wasn’t good with words when put on the spot but give her time she could probably write novels with her thoughts. But there was no time for that, just get straight to the point.
‘Wish you all the best’? She thought, to make it sound like they were on good terms.
Yeah, right.
‘I hope you find someone better’ ?
How depressing.
She went the coward’s way out again.
‘Goodbye.’
She didn’t even acknowledge her name. The moment she pressed ‘send’, a rush of adrenaline caused her to perspire underneath her oversized hoodie. The message went through and she immediately closed out the screen, avoiding to see any reply. Then she peered over at the water fountain again and wondered if she could toss the phone from where she stood without killing anyone. She had no need for it anymore. She’ll just go back home and buy a new one.
Her hands, now clammy from the rush, gripped the rectangular device as she mentally calculated the distance she needed to throw it accurately so as not to over or under throw it into the crowd below. But even if she did miss, it would just be trampled by feet and wheels, and she would still be rid of it.
She wound her arm back into a pitcher’s throw and took a deep breath when the phone suddenly buzzed alive in her hand. Startled, it slipped from her grip and fell at her feet. Yoohyeon bent down to pick it up and saw a dent on one corner and a hairline fracture creeping across the screen. She cursed to herself only to realize she was just seconds from drowning it just now.
She glanced at the screen, afraid that it would be her but was relieved it wasn’t. She finally accepted the call.
“Hello?”
“Hello? Is this Kim Yoohyeon?” A man’s voice replied.
“Yes?”
The next string of words didn’t register in her mind and the sounds of the shuffling and rolling around her had drowned out the caller’s voice on the other line.
"What? I don’t understand.” She murmured as if he was speaking a foreign tongue. But she heard him loud and clear. She just didn’t like how those words were in the same sentence.
' Minji’ and ‘ accident’.
Another sound entered her ears sending her back to reality, the announcement of her plane now boarding. She pulled out the boarding pass from her pocket again and looked at it like it was some riddle. She was conflicted now. In her left hand, her ticket home. In her right hand, her other home with Minji. What is this? Red pill, blue pill shit now? One said “run away”, the other said “stay”.
Yoohyeon coughed as if something got caught in her throat but it was all inside her head. For a moment she thought it was swelling and on the verge of choking her. She swallowed the phantom feeling but it redirected itself to her chest and there she finally felt it.
Stay.
K-drama shit, it is. She pocketed the items, grabbed all her belongings, and high tailed out of the airport. She ran against the flow of traffic, dispersing people like ants whose hill has been stomped on. She accidentally knocked over a young girl who fumbled to get back to her feet.
“Yah! You just knocked over a blind girl!” Someone had shouted.
“Sorry!” Yoohyeon yelled back, not stopping to turn around.
She finally made it outside, completely out of breath only after a few minutes. The night sky decided to make things more dramatic by raining on everything. K-drama shit , she repeated in her head before hailing the nearest taxi.
-------------------------------------------------------------
[2 hours earlier]
Bora
Making dinner. What do you feel like?
Siyeon
Hey baby, forgot to tell you. I have another late
gig tonight. Don’t wait for me. Go ahead and eat.
BR
Again? You know you don’t have to
do these extra gigs so often. We’ve been doing well.
I got another raise so we should be good.
SY
I know, but you saw how much I’ve been making
the last few months. Doesn’t it feel good to
not struggle for once? It’s been awhile.
BR
I know…
But you’ve been out so late a lot recently.
I don’t get to see you sometimes.
SY
Aw baby. I’m sorry.
Just give me some more time
I got some things to take care of.
BR
I just miss you. I know you’re trying to help.
I guess I just don’t like that it’s this way.
SY
You always tell me to do more to help us out
and the one time I do and it’s actually helping,
you don’t even like it? I don’t understand.
BR
Hey, don’t be so defensive.
SY
I’m not. You’re misinterpreting what I’m saying.
BR
I’m misinterpreting?
SY
It’s like you don’t like the way I do things
even if it’s working. I’m finally making
enough for us, isn’t that what you wanted?
What do you want me to do, Bo?
BR
Are you really trying to start an argument
right now?
SY
I’m not trying to start anything. But I guess I’m just
saying what I’ve been feeling for awhile now.
BR
For awhile?
You’re the one who never wants to
talk about serious things.
SY
You know I don’t like confrontation.
BR
Really?
Well maybe it’s time you grew up a little
and be a proper adult for once.
We’re not kids anymore Singnie.
SY
Really? You’re going there?
Whatever, don’t wait up for me.
I won’t be home tonight.
Going to Bin’s.
BR
Lee Siyeon, I swear. Not right now.
[2 minutes later]
Don’t ignore me!
[5 minutes later]
Fine. It’s like you’re never present
even when you are here anyway.
SY
That really hurts Bora.
I’m trying. Just give me time.
One day I’ll do something people are going to appreciate.
Maybe you will too.
Goodnight.
BR
Singnie
Singnie!
AFKJVZNXIL
Bora called Siyeon’s phone. It went straight to voicemail.
“Yah! Lee Siyeon! Pick up your damn phone! Get your ass back home now!”
The message recorder beeped. She was too early. She grunted, killed the call, and threw her phone down against the kitchen counter. She was furious and frustrated but not just now. It has been like this for some time. Bora’s fuse has gotten a lot shorter and it didn’t take long for one wrong word, one little mistake, or one wrong look to set her off. It had gotten so bad that Siyeon would not come home sometimes, opting to crash at Yubin’s, a long time childhood friend of both Bora and Siyeon, though she was closer to Siyeon.
Bora didn’t want to keep bugging her about Siyeon’s whereabouts. She didn’t want to look like the overly attached and suspicious girlfriend. But that’s who she’s become. Siyeon had been working these extra singing gigs, sometimes without Yubin, who is also her band mate. She sang mostly cover songs at parties, weddings, small clubs, and of course, busking. Siyeon did anything to get recognition and more importantly money. Go hard or go home, right? That’s Siyeon.
But Bora opted for the safer route despite studying dance. She took on several odd jobs before settling into a boring but safe office job that actually paid well. Someone had to be consistent in this house. They weren’t in such a rut that they couldn’t pay their bills on time. But it always seemed like money went out faster than it went in. Nothing stayed in their bank account for more than half a week. Still she had to admit that Siyeon’s recent hustling has gotten them an extra boost in the last month or so. Siyeon was even able to buy her gifts and things because they had the extra money. It’s been a long time since that happened.
Bora calmed herself a bit now, realizing she was being a bit harsh. A bit? How about unnecessarily? She finally looked down at what she was preparing for dinner, not realizing that she had just destroyed an onion with her rough chopping, obviously venting out her frustrations. She was just glad she didn’t chop off a finger. She quickly tossed the mangled onions into a frying pan, the vapors immediately making her nose tingle. She looked up at the ceiling, blinking at tears that were forming in her eyes.
“Damn, these onion ninjas.” She joked but there were some real tears in there, not only just now, but from the loneliness she had been feeling lately. She really missed Siyeon especially lately when she started working late. Sometimes she would be asleep when she got home or Siyeon would not be there when she woke up. Their schedules were opposite, when one left for work, the other was coming home. Even free time together was scarce.
Still she realized it was temporary. Siyeon will save as much money as she can and then maybe she will finally find something consistent. Only she rarely does. Siyeon was never one to conform to the norms, even when they were younger. Bora never thought the odd and homely girl she met when they were kids would be the most free spirited of their trio, almost to the point of recklessness. And while Bora loved that about her it also annoyed her when it came to certain things, like finding a steady paying job.
But for Siyeon, singing is life, like air and water to survive. She would do anything for it even if it meant sacrificing her time with Bora for the time being. Bora would always come to watch her shows, always mesmerized by her supernatural voice. But lately she hasn’t been going. She’d rather take her comfortable position as the homemaker and breadwinner. Sometimes she envied Siyeon’s free spirit. She understood Siyeon’s passion, she used to feel that way about dancing. But sometimes you just have to face the reality of life.
One day I’ll do something people are going to appreciate. Maybe you will too.
Her last message said.
“Fine, I believe you.” Bora sighed to herself.
She finally fixed her dinner eating her food pitifully alone at the dinner table like an outcast in the lunchroom at high school, which was ironic considering she was very popular back in their school days. But even the bright and homely decor of the apartment couldn’t remove the veil of desolation that seemed to cover everything like dust.
After cleaning up some thirty minutes later she killed an hour watching dance cover videos on her phone. How she missed doing that, the feeling of her body moving and swaying to beats and rhythms, imagining how she was this close to becoming a back dancer when she used to be a trainee. But now she only feels the aching and weariness of the daily grind. Sitting at the office isn’t helping and she feared that her body would start to deteriorate from the lack of movement. Then she’d really be screwed.
She hoped Siyeon had calmed down and would call her back to apologize. Correction, she hoped she had calmed her own ass down first, then she should call Siyeon back to apologize first. Lately when they’d have arguments, Siyeon would just leave, not even bothering to talk it through anymore. She could only take so much of Bora’s temper. Confrontation always made her close herself off.
Suddenly Bora’s video was interrupted by an incoming call. She answered without checking.
“Singnie?” She expected but it wasn’t her.
“Hello, is this Kim Bora?” That male voice answered again.