Chapter Text
Do you remember the first time we met?
I'm sure you do. It's something that was quite significant in your life, and it was on a significant day, too. It's something that you can't forget that easily, even if you try to push all of the memories of me out of your head. Although, I don't think you would do that either. I think you love me too much for that.
If you don't remember, I'm disappointed. But I'll accept it because I'm about to tell you everything I remember from our time together. I don't want you to ever forget me. That would hurt too much. If I saw you in the street after this, I would hope that I could see a glimmer of recognition in your eyes. You don't have to say a word to me - I'm sure your job doesn't permit it, and your family would be humiliated - but I need you to remember how we were together. It's an important part of our lives, I think. It's something that shaped you as a King and me as a man.
And so I'll begin.
It was the day that your father announced that he was planning on stepping down and giving you the throne. He had problems with his health and he didn't want you to have to step up in a time of grief - if he was in the hospital or had suddenly passed away - so it was your turn to be King. There were a few things that you needed first, though, as far as they were concerned. Thankfully for everyone, your parents weren't prepared to throw the role at you and hope that you could figure it out on your own. You were going to have extensive training and the people of our kingdom were going to help your father to determine what you really needed to know. The things that really mattered to everyone, the things that were absolutely necessary for a good leader. They were happy to be in the town square to discuss that, and they were already prepared to put their ideas into the bucket at the front of the palace when the community meeting had finished.
The second thing was that you were going to have to learn other skills; things that your parents thought would turn you into a fine gentleman. Your parents wanted the support of the community as you took up new hobbies, like calligraphy and tea-making and horse riding. Of course, all of the professionals in this area were happy to help you. They all jumped at the chance to help twenty-three-year-old Prince Kim to take up the traditional hobbies that he'd never tried before. Until that point, your mother had insisted on doing things that you liked, such as archery and swimming, and she wasn't prepared to force interests onto you. They were okay, of course, but they weren't going to win the hearts of the people like taking up traditional hobbies would do. If you were to do this, people were certainly going to love you more. And they already did, as soon as your father announced it.
Finally, you were going to have to take a wife. You needed to be married to take the throne. It was based on a traditional rule that was still in place, simply because it was convenient. In the past, it was thought that a man couldn't rule without a wife to be his common sense filter, and a woman couldn't rule without a strong-headed man to make her feel more confident in her decisions and abilities. In modern times, however, it was because it was much harder to date as a King or Queen than it was to date as a Prince or Princess. You have more responsibilities when you have more power, and you have to attend hundreds of formal and professional events each year. You have work to do to keep peace in the community, you have to create and pass laws, and you have to spend time getting to know the people of the kingdom. Where does marriage fit into that? It would be a very tight fit and it would suggest that you were neglecting some of your responsibilities.
I was at the back of the crowd but I still saw your face dropping when you heard that. You tried to hide it as much as possible, since you didn't want people to think that you were unenthusiastic about your father's proposal that you find a wife, but it was obvious. You didn't want to find someone and get married. You probably couldn't think of anything worse than to do that. So you stood there, looking slightly defeated as you tried to keep that smile plastered on your face, and you waited until your father suggested that you walk through the crowd and see if you could find some pretty girls to come to a ball that you were going to hold at the palace a few weeks from then.
The crowd parted in the middle to allow you to walk through unharmed, and then families began to push their daughters forward so that you would be able to see them better. And you waited until you couldn't see any more pushing, just so that no one felt upset by the fact that their daughter had missed out on the opportunity to court you. You walked through that central gap and made a scene, just like any great King would do. You made it seem as if it was the toughest decision in the world; as if all of them were so beautiful that you couldn't decide who you wanted to marry. And then you asked the girls if anyone had boyfriends. None of them raised their hands, even though you knew that some of them did, and that resulted in some laughs from the rest of the crowd. Remember, it was shown on that big screen at the front of the community square, and everyone could see the embarrassment on the faces of the girls who were definitely already in relationships.
A few eventually piped up to say that they had boyfriends. You softly told them that whilst they were beautiful, they owed it to their boyfriends to avoid leaving him for another man. It was just respectful, and you actually thought more of them for staying with the boys who had given them great things in life so far. That pleased most of the crowd, even though the girls' parents didn't seem too happy that their daughters had missed out on such an opportunity. But you went a step further and asked who was under the age of nineteen, just to cut it down that bit further. You wouldn't be able to lead when you were a child, you told them, so you didn't want to pile on the extra pressure for them either. They would have to help you out in the palace and they would be expected to have a child with you after a year of marriage, so it was only fair that you let the younger girls continue with their education instead. Again, a few more sad parents, but everyone generally agreed with your morals.
There were still around thirty girls who were single and over nineteen, who were then called forward and given invitations to the ball. You didn't go through them and ask individuals like you were supposed to do but rather, made sure that everyone who was eligible had their chance. After all, how were you supposed to find a wife if you were to limit yourself and the women around you? It was only fair.
My respect for you rose when I saw that. It's hard to explain it. I'm not fond of this system where one family rules the whole kingdom for centuries, but you do have a very good family. I think if you told them that you were gay - as a lot of your generation has guessed for years - they would understand. But it wasn't something that you were going to put your family through. You were going to stop the rumours and conspiracies by taking a wife and having children with her, and you were going to make a wonderful King when you had the chance.
Now, I can't say that this experience changed my day that much. To say that would be a huge lie. As soon as the crowds cleared, I got back to what I usually do. I don't need to tell you about that. It's something that I'm sure you remember. It's something that you can't really forget, isn't it? As much as we got to know each other over the weeks that followed that day, it was still a looming problem, wasn't it? You can pretend that you were fine with it as much as you want, but we both know that it caused a little bit of tension sometimes. I still appreciate how good you were about that when you had the power to remove me from the community, even though I didn't dare to tell you that when we were still speaking to each other. I'll always remember that.
But enough of that for now. Back to the story.
It was a quiet day for me after that. Everyone feels strangely connected after something like that. When the community is forced to come together and all of the shops and workplaces are closed for a meeting with the King and his family, it's a big deal and it makes everyone feel as if they're a part of something. They have a say in what happens. They have a say in the experiences of their Prince. They can decide how you live your life and what hobbies you take and the woman you marry. But that means that when you don't have any kin to communicate that with, you're on your own. You suddenly become an outsider, since everyone is chatting cheerfully about their warm feelings towards the royal family. So I went to a bar, and that was where I spent the whole day. I sat there, drank a bit, and thought about the whole experience of being in that community square, watching how you reacted to everything.
Clearly, you weren't expecting any of it. Your parents had just announced that you were going to accompany them during the speech, and you expected that perhaps it was an announcement that you would be out of the kingdom or something. It's rarely anything big, even if you are asked to join them for that sort of speech. So I suppose that it came as a huge surprise for you and shot you through emotions pretty quickly. First excitement when you realised that you would be taking the throne. Then fear, surprise, and perhaps the feeling that you were being overwhelmed. Then your heart dropped into the pit of your stomach when you realised that you had to marry someone soon and you didn't have enough time to sort it how you would want to sort it, if you know what I mean. Either finding a woman who you liked a lot so that you would be able to look past the fact that she was a woman, or finally telling your parents that you were attracted to men.
I may not have really wanted to think about you and your new chapter in life, but it's inevitable when something big happens to someone in a position of power. It was a superficial train of thought, but it remained for a while as I tried to figure out what I was going to do with my day. By the time I'd finished considering it, it was coming up to six o'clock. My work usually began at around seven or eight o'clock when people finished work and started pouring into bars. A drink too many and I'd be in business. Or perhaps someone would have had a stressful day at work and called me so that I would be able to bring them to a place like this. So I waited and waited, keeping my eyes on the door for some of the regular customers who came in on Friday evenings. I bought another beer and sipped on it as I continued to wait, and then eventually the place was alive with people.
And so it was time to charm. The bar's owner was fine with me doing that, if you remember me telling you. I bought beer and brought in the customers who wanted to see me but wanted to make it subtle. They would have a few drinks and would then make it seem as if it was just incidental that they wanted to have a drink with me. Their wives and kids didn't have to know that they were chatting with another man in the way that they would talk to a lover. It was a secret environment where they could let all of their feelings out. A safe place, if you will. And no other customer would tell on them either. A lot of them had been there before. A lot of them knew me personally.
But, of course, they had to approach me first. I would simply invite them over with my eyes and my empty booth. Bedroom eyes and a lick of the lips. A slow, long sip of my drink, with the foam glazing my lower lip in a way that would capture interest. I wasn't about to make a scene by propositioning a man at the bar, as much as I knew that they wanted to be approached. Some of them arrived with friends every so often and it was humiliating for them to be seen with someone like me. Their friends would tease them at work the following day, and I would get an earful about it next time I saw them. So I continued to sip on my beer and kept looking out for people who wanted to come over but were perhaps too shy.
That's where you come in, remember?
I saw a shadow looming over me and looked up, only to see you there. "Are you on your own?" you asked, your voice sounding concerned. It was quite low and you were dressed in commoner's clothes to obscure who you were, but I could tell right away. I can't explain to you how I knew it was you, but I could really just tell. So I shuffled to the side to allow you to sit, figuring that it was rude not to do that for a Prince, and then you sat down.
"I'm not sure of your intentions, Prince," I told you in as quiet a voice as I could manage, "But I think it's a mistake that you're sitting next to me like this. You don't understand my position in this community, and if people were to realise that it was you sitting next to me, you would face backlash." But you shrugged. You pulled your cap down that little further so that no one would really be able to see your face, and then you rested your hands on the table.
"I want to talk to someone who looks lonely. I've had a long day and I don't have many friends who would want to talk right now. Besides, it's my job to get to know the people in my community, isn't it?" I didn't really understand where you were going with it, but I didn't really have the heart to tell you to go away. So instead, I offered to get you a drink. You seemed quite reluctant, but we ended up figuring out pretty quickly that you needed something to take the edge off your day. I'm very much into making people feel comfortable so I knew what you needed. I brought us both drinks so that we could make it seem as if we were just there for a friendly chat. Something that we both knew wasn't quite the case, even though you said you just wanted to talk to someone. I did my usual routine too, where I took a tab from my bag and touched it to the top of your drink so you knew I didn't put anything in it. Then we began to chat.
It was as if we were old friends, even though we'd just met. You poured your heart out to me without warning. You told me about your relationship with your little sister and how she wished you were normal siblings so that you would be able to go on adventures together. You told me about the way you'd been raised; the way you'd gone to school with so many other children and you had to be quite formal all the time because if you'd done something wrong, it would've reflected badly on your family. But saying that, you could also use your powers for good. You had the power to stop bullying, and you had the power to make people feel more confident. If they read to you, they would feel happier with their skills as soon as you encouraged them. If they told you a story about their life, you always made sure that they swelled with pride by the time they'd finished. You were born to be a Prince - your attitude was gentle and kind, and you were good with the public.
But deep down, you said, you felt like a little child who was lost and confused. You didn't know what to make of the world around you. There was too much pressure piled on you at once. You hadn't experienced so many things that people your age would have experienced. You'd never snuck out of the house to go partying with your friends. You'd never had your first kiss and you'd never had sex. You had few friends to spend time with on a regular basis, you'd never had a sleepover, and you hadn't ever had a relationship.
And then you looked at me expectantly, as if I was going to tell you about my experiences too. But it was improper. I couldn't tell a Prince about these things. We'd only just met, for starters, and I knew that my lifestyle would put you off completely. You would regret telling me these sorts of things. You would feel very scornful and perhaps you would ask me to leave the community. There was no real place for a person like me in a happy community where men and women married each other and had children and were happy together. I was the person who broke families up and made people uncomfortable. If I thought about it, I was probably the cause of at least five divorces by that point. And this wasn't something a Prince really needed to know. So I kept my mouth shut and sipped my beer, and we remained quiet for too long before you finally spoke up again.
"Do you know why I'm here, Wonwoo?" you asked me softly. Cold prickled up my spine as soon as I heard you say my name like that. I stopped drinking mid-sip with my lips still on the rim of the glass, and then slowly lowered it down to the table as I turned to face you again. Neither of us spoke a word for a solid minute. "I know what you are, and I need your help. I need to prepare to take a wife, but I don't know what to do."
"Well," I breathed as I adjusted my position in the seat. "I think you've come to the wrong person. I don't have experience with dating, and I certainly don't know how to had a relationship with a girl. I don't know what you expect me to do, but I don't think it's going to end up happening."
I stood to leave, feeling that little bit of humiliation starting to climb up my throat, but then you grabbed my hand and pulled me back down. "Look, I know that you're a prostitute and it's not your job, but I can't think of anyone who would be better for this task. I'll pay you whatever you want - I just need someone who won't go around and tell everyone about this. I've heard whispers that you won't even speak a client's name to another person, and that's the sort of man I need to help me out with this. You're the only person who can do this for me."
It's a great way to meet someone, isn't it? They pretend to come over to you for an ear, and they end up telling you that they want you to be their helper so that they can have a functioning relationship in the future. I wanted to reject you so badly, but you were so desperate for someone to aid you that I couldn't bring myself to refuse. So I ended up agreeing, despite my heart telling me that it was a huge mistake. You said right away that we were going to go to a hotel and I was going to walk in first and go up to the rooms, and you were going to get a room before meeting me on the fifth floor. That was where they always put the high payers, and you knew that there were always rooms available if you asked for that floor. And so we finished the beer and left together, then headed towards your hotel of choice.