Chapter Text
The portal spat them out one by one, like cannon balls, single file and just as loud. All of them basically getting depressed into a metal compactor and microwaved from the inside out. But, unlike most events in their lives, they didn’t fall back to earth in numerical order.
Five, having already gone through this shit a couple of times or so, actually almost stuck his landing since he knew what to expect. He just hobbled a few times to catch his balance. He even had a quiet moment to straighten his tie and smooth his hair back. But upon any further inspection, he also had a chance to sneer at the realization that, yes, he was potentially still stuck in his prepubescent thirteen-year-old body.
He didn’t get much farther assessing the situation before a mess of limbs came flying at him next, a scream accompanying it as Five got tackled to the ground by his sister. There were duel groans of pain, and besides from getting a face full of damp dirt, when he turned his head he also saw a mass of blonde curls.
“Oh my god, Five! I’m so sorry!” Allison exclaimed, rolling off her younger (older?) brother and helping him up. Nothing seemed to be broken, for either of them. Except for Five’s crisp look he managed to have kept through his jump, which was now covered in mud streaks.
Five didn’t get a chance to retort, or even give a thanks for the hand up when the portal decided to spew out its next guest. This time Allison was quick enough to move her and Five out that way. It was Luther this time, smart enough to tuck and roll, and not just fall on his face. But he also had something he was holding to his chest protectively. He stopped at a crunch on one knee, shaking his head like he was trying to clear it, and when he found his footing Vanya was visible in his arms. Still unconscious and undisturbed, no idea of the royal pile of shit she just caused. It didn’t take long for Luther to catch Five and Allison in his sight, and a fraction of the tension in his shoulders dropped. At least he didn’t come out of the end of that wormhole alone.
“Luther!” Allison ran to him,careful of their sister when she hugged him. He gave an awkward one armed one back, shifting Vanya to get a better grip on her. That was four down.
“As joyous as it is to see we all didn’t just get annihilated,” Five cleared his throat, his hands going in the pockets of his short pants. “I’d suggest you move the tearful reunion a couple of steps to the left.” He advised, nodding to the portal that was lighting up again. Allison and Luthor were quick to heed his warning.
They were just missing two more of their little group, the four of them made it through just fine. It meant Klaus and Diego had to be behind them, right? It was a figure in a leather jacket and a gray hood fell through, landing hard on his knees with a groan. Well, that was a surprise.
“...Ben?” This time it was Luther. And he wanted to walk up to their lost brother and touch him. Ben looked just as corporal as he had in the Icarus Theater. The wormhole they just past through made him, what, alive again? Luther hadn’t thought Ben could come with them and gain an actual body.
It looked like Ben was having the same thoughts when he patted himself down before he realized he could do that dead too. But his brothers and sister were still gaping at him. Or at least in his direction.
“Y-you guys can still see me?” He asked, just needing to make sure. He got three nods of confirmation in return. And Ben broke out in a smile as bright as the portal they all fell through.
Ben was smart enough to move away from the point of entry of this location of time and space they’ve all come through. Allison was the one that reached out to Ben, daring to touch his cheek and her hand didn’t just pass through him. She made contact with real flesh and blood, and it wasn’t just Allison’s eyes that were wet and shiny at that discovery.
Ben looked away from her and counted them all, a frown marring his real-boy features. They were still missing two. “Was I the last to come through?”
“At the moment, yes. But, we weren’t actually expecting you. I fully believed you’d still be Klaus’ tag-a-long.” Five answered. “Happy surprises, I suppose.” He shrugged, eyes going back to the portal. No one tried to argue with him, not even Ben.
They waited for what felt like forever on their brothers. They couldn’t be the only ones coming through or the portal would have dissipated. So that had to mean something , it had to mean Klaus and Diego were still coming. They couldn’t have just gotten Ben back just to lose two others. That’s not how this was supposed to work. By the time the portal finally managed to glow again Five’s jaw was clenching so hard he could feel a migraine coming, his nails were cutting crescents into his palms from where he was fisting his hands in his pockets.
They were predicting a brother one at a time, just like everyone else had fallen through it (besides Luther and Vanya, but she had been in his arms when they left). It looked like the portal was officially done with them when it looked like Klaus and Diego fell through together, Diego turning at the last moment to make sure he took the brunt of the fall. He still had the wind knocked out of him, and he had thought Klaus’ light frame to barely make a difference, except that his brother landing on him took a lot more out of him than he’d expect from that skeletal junkie body. Either way, it still took a minute to get the world to stop spinning.
The portal died off not soon after, and the world looked like it was never even there to begin with. Where ever they were, they were officially stuck there for a bit. Let’s hope it was less of a hell than having to face the apocalypse. Ben ran forward as soon as everything had gone still, prompting Allison and even Five to move when it looked like the other two weren’t.
“Whoa, hey. Take it easy.” Ben mumbled, getting a hold of Klaus and trying to help him up and off Diego. Allison was on her knees, grabbing Diego’s shoulder and pulling him up slowly to at least a sitting position.
“Ben?” Was the first real thing besides groans of pain from Diego, blinking up at his non-dead brother.
Said brother just smiled at him, getting that feeling that he was gonna get that a lot now. Except Ben’s hands were literally full of an unresponsive Klaus. Klaus who was shivering like he had just been pulled out of an ice bath and totally not helping Ben out with his floppy limbs. Klaus’ eyes were open but he wasn’t focused on anything, which could mean shock or he was having some sort of mental break down. It was so hard to tell when it came to Klaus.
It wasn’t till Five stepped closer to Ben to give him a hand, that the green Army vest Klaus had been wearing at the theater (and ever since he had come back from his little adventure in the ’60s) flapped open and Five jumped away like he had been burned. It got the attention of the others who were crouched around him, but Five paid them no mind. He was stuck staring at his catatonic brother and what looked like something like a beach ball under his skin near his stomach.
“Five, a little hand?” Ben grunted, trying to get Klaus to stumble to his feet. The big lush was so not helping, and this... thing looked like the reason why gangly Klaus was suddenly so heavy.
Luckily, it wasn’t Five that had to bring attention to this.
“What the fuck is that ?” It was Luther, who was still standing back and nodding towards Klaus’ midsection, drawing attention to it for everyone else.
Was it ill form to say there was a pregnant pause? Because that was exactly what that looked --
“Hey. Hey, Klaus. Snap out of it.” Diego started tapping his brother’s cheeks while still lounging in Ben’s arms, trying to get Klaus to get with it and join them in this brave new world. Diego was holding his free arm close to his chest, it must have been injured when he was trying to protect Klaus from the fall.
It seemed to do the trick, slowly Klaus lost the glassy-eyed look and he focused on Diego, blinking a few times. He had to catch Diego’s hand before he got smacked again. “Uh, Rude . Diego, dearest, you didn’t even ask for my safe word. Bad form.” His voice was a little breathy, throat a little scratchy, and he was still shivering. But it looked like he left one world and came to this one with his personality intact. Oh darn.
Though when Klaus didn’t get his usual eyerolls and groans at his bad puns, he got anxious. It was one thing to thrive on being the center of attention, it was another for them all to just gawk at him with something akin to horror. And after just barely escaping the apocalypse, the last thing you wanted was for your family to start looking at you like you’re missing a head or a limb. So, of course, the first thing Klaus started to do was pat himself down to make sure all of him made it out of that shit show.
Two arms, check.
Two legs, check.
He cupped his crotch and sighed in relief, check.
It was then that Klaus looked down and realized he couldn’t actually see his feet, he was eye to eye with what looked like his engorged stomach.
“Don’t --” Five tried to stop him, but was cut off when Klaus started freaking out. Five pinched the bridge of his nose, so much for this being easy.
“What the fuck? What the actual fuck !” Klaus shrieked, trying not to have panic attack hands roaming over his middle and trying to examine whatever that thing was. He even lifted up the straining and tight fabric of his straining take top he had under his vest. The swollen mass was indeed under his skin and protruding outwards. All eyes were glued to Klaus even more, it was like watching something so morbidly fascinating. Like driving past a train wreck, you don’t want to see it but you also couldn’t look away.
“Oh my god, it's a parasite! It’s a time traveling tapeworm!” Klaus started to babble, making aborted moves like he was trying to rip the thing off of him, but also looked like he was scared to touch it. “Get it out, get it out, get it out!”
Allison’s hands were over her mouth, and Five and Diego actually took a step closer, mindful of Klaus’ flailing limbs while he freaked out. Luthor just looked uber confused, brows furrowed in a curious caveman-like way, but that was Luthor on any given day. Vanya had no idea what she was missing, and how lucky she was that she was, indeed, missing it.
Ben was the one who actually reached out and touched the stretched skin over the whatever it is that Klaus was smuggling there. Klaus hissed and batted Ben’s hands away, now curling his arms around his middle protectively.
“You look like you swallowed a planet,” Ben observed intellectually.
“Oh no. No, no, no. You so do not get to use Doctor Who quotes against me, buddy!” Klaus squawked, backing away from one brother and ending up bumping into another, Diego’s hand reaching out to steady him before Klaus toppled over again. Klaus’ center of gravity was now off because of this thing that was probably leeching the life right out of him!
Allison was the first one to finally say the actual words, “He looks...pregnant.” Her head tilted like it was some kind of optical illusion that she wasn’t sure she was really seeing.
“Agreed.” Five nodded, still trying to examine Klaus from a couple of feet away. Klaus’ knees must have gone weak because it looked like his legs tried to give out, and Diego was the one pulling him back up again.
“And this is, what, some kind of wormhole side effect?” Diego asked towards Five, an arm around Klaus’ waist to keep him up, but was careful where he put his hand. He wasn’t really going to believe Klaus’ claim of time-traveling parasites.
Five shrugged, finally tearing his eyes away from Klaus’ stomach to meet Diego’s. “Not from my experience. The most I’ve heard of is the obvious motion sickness and temporary loss of sense of smell and taste. Unless, of course, Klaus has some secret he’s been keeping from all of us.” He smirked.
“For someone who would be more than happy to live in, and probably be mayor of a nudist colony, I’m pretty sure we’d know if he was hiding something after all these years having to deal with his naked ass.” Ben commented, trying not to laugh at the look on Klaus’ face. Something between being royally insulted and extremely prideful. But Klaus also didn’t even try to bother saying Ben was wrong.
Diego felt like bashing his head against a brick wall, this was all too much in what felt like a whole year. When in reality it must have been maybe an hour or two tops, from the moment that got to the Icarus, to falling out of that portal, to know. He felt like dropping dead and sleeping forever. Not to mention his arm was starting to throb like a bitch, he had a bad feeling he’s dislocated his shoulder. It was a familiar kind of pain.
It was also starting to get darker from where they were standing and since the light of the portal had gone out. A quick look told Diego that they were in what looked like the courtyard at the Academy. Thank you, for small miracles. It was evening at home, then. A chill in the air, bare trees, it looked to be about the same time of year they had just left. And the thought of being on home turf just made Diego more tired, like instinct telling him he could let his guard down a bit.
“Guys, we obviously aren’t going to solve anything right now.” Diego cut in, ignoring Ben constantly trying to touch Klaus’ stomach and Klaus continuously shooting him down. Diego didn’t have the patience to deal with children right now. And it also worried him how fast he could feel Klaus’ heartbeat right against him. They all just needed fresh eyes and minds after some rest. “We’re home, let’s just go in and deal with this in the morning.”
“‘Deal with this in the morning’?” Klaus asked incredulously, waving a hand in emphasis to himself. “Some of us might not have that long. Do you really want my death on your conscience? Because let me tell you if you let me die it’ll be my turn to hunt all of you fuckers!”
Diego rolled his eyes and started to use the arm he had around his hysterical brother to guide him towards the doors. He wasn’t met with any other comments, everyone looked just as ready to drop as Diego did. He was surprised Luther was still keeping Vanya in his arms. Though, at the moment she might be one of the lightest one of them, besides Five, and since Klaus was going through this new thing with his body now.
“It also looks like you’ll need to stop by the infirmary.” Five added as he turned on his heel away from the group. He did catch Luther’s eye and get a nod from the big guy. If Diego did what Five thought he did to himself, Luther would have to hold him down while they took care of Diego’s shoulder. He also didn’t hear his injured brother say he was wrong. It made Five wonder if Pogo would be around to give them a hand here in this universe too, the infirmary and the labs were usually the doctor’s domain.
Allison got the side door for them, it was almost always unlocked. Diego let Luther go through with his handful before he went in with his own. Diego was feeling even more run down as soon as Ben closed the door behind their little party. He could feel some kind of nervous energy buzz right under Klaus’ skin where he still had a hold of his slighter brother. Everyone was quiet, the anxious eeriness of walking into their home that technically not their home. And not because they had all officially left it thirteen years ago. But this was a whole other house, whole other Academy, whole other world. A world that looked less dusty and unused, Diego noticed in the meager light.
Not that he would ever critique Mom and her cleaning abilities, but it was no secret the place was starting to fade after the children had gone. But the paint was brighter -- actually, the paint was a different color. No more dark reds and golds that Klaus always said looked like some kind of velvet vampire BDSM dungeon. No, there were inviting blues and green, something that looked more lively and happy . And god knows happy was never the first thing on Reginald Hargreeves’ mind. There were even flowers, fresh cut and just as bright as the walls, you could smell them as soon as you entered the foyer heading for the stairs. Maybe Mom had decided to go all out now that Old Reggie couldn’t tell her no. Or the Mom in this world, at least.
Oh shit, was Reginald even dead in this world? That was going to have to be one more headache to face in the light of day tomorrow.
Diego was just as about to ask if any of his siblings noticed the changes, he thought he had seen Five come closer to one of the flower arrangements on a side table curiously but was interrupted by a small unfamiliar voice asking a question first.
“Daddy?”
All heads snapped up to the top of the stairs, gearing up for something. Anything . After a night like this, all things were possible it looked like.
Up the stairs on the first landing, standing in what looked like blue and black Batman pajamas, was a boy not too much younger than Five. Maybe seven or eight, with curly hair at the top of his head that spiraled out in a way that brought the word fluffy to mind. He had hazel-brown eyes, a lovely smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. The boy looked familiar in a funny deja vu kind of way.
“Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing this kid.” Klaus stage whispered to his siblings. He couldn’t be since they were all looking the boy’s way.
“Please tell me I’m the only one who thinks this kid looks like a little Klaus.” Allison countered, and she was the one that got the collective nod of agreement.
Uh, rude much.
The kid, for his part, didn’t seem too perturbed by the talking amongst the adults. No, in fact, he took the stairs a couple at a time and came closer, looking all the world comfortable and at ease in this place. Though there was a flicker of confusion on that cherub-like face.
“Its bedtime. Is there something wrong with mommy, daddy?” The boy’s little brows furrowed in worry.
The siblings were all looking to and from each other, not too sure who the boy was addressing. First thought would have been Allison, maybe even Luther too. No way was it Five.
It wasn’t until the boy’s next question did the light go off, “I-is there something wrong with the baby, mommy?” Hazel-brown eyes now zeroing in on Klaus and his enlarged midsection.
No. Fucking. Way.
Diego had never, ever in their entire thirty years seen Klaus go so still. The guy was always moving, even when he was asleep or high there was no such thing as calm and quiet. But he could swear that Klaus stopped breathing, his heart was even flatlining in the pure shock.
Just when it looked like the boy’s eyes were getting wet and like he was about to start bawling, they were saved by a truly welcomed presence. Someone that actually made sense in this whole wonky nightmare.
“Master Davy.” Came a mellow, but authoritative voice. And there was Pogo in all his glory coming out of the hall just behind the siblings. They had never seen so happy to see their old caretaker alive and well.
The boy, Davy, looked a little sheepish, and moved a step behind Diego, peeking around him at Pogo, head bowed. Diego had a flash of trying to do the same with Mom when he was about the boy’s age. Hiding from his father.
Pogo didn’t appear affected, no matter how cute Davy looked from his hiding place. “I do believe you were put to bed almost an hour ago. I assume you have a good reason for being up and roaming the school?”
“I-I was thirsty.” Davy shrugged. “And then I saw everyone together here. And Auntie Vanya looks hurt, and so does mommy. And if mommy is hurt then the baby could be too, Pogo!” He insisted.
Pogo gave a slight hum, intelligent eyes examining the siblings one by one. And Diego’s stomach dropped when it felt like Pogo was looking through them, like he knew . “Yes. It is a good thing you found them, young man. I might be inclined to agree they could do with some assistance. But it still requires you going back to bed.
“No, no. Don’t make me go. Can I stay with you and mommy, please, daddy?” Davy tugged on Diego’s pants leg, addressing him. And now Diego felt like he was just going to throw up.
What the hell kind of word did Five bring them to!
“Aidan gets to stay!” Davy now pointed to Five of all people to better his argument.
Apparently, it was the kind of world that could even shock the great Five into stupid silence, eyes impossibly wide. Aidan ?
“Master Aidan is much older than you, as easy enough as that is to forget.” Pogo reminded calmly, stepping forward and placing a soft guiding hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Come now. I’m sure your grandmother would love to tell you one more story before bed. You can see your parents in the morning, young man.” Pogo placated.
Davy seemed to finally understand he had lost this one, and sighed up at Pogo, giving a surrendering nod. He looked back over his shoulder, giving a wave to everyone, “Good night, I love you.” He told the siblings.
And all the adults could do was wave back in some kind of hypnotic stupor.
“I expect to see you all in the infirmary after Master Davy is safe with your mother.” Pogo politely demanded to them, in ever a Pogo fashion.
It wasn’t till the both of them were out of eyesight that Klaus made a noise that sounded like some kind of sick mix of a hysterical laugh and like he was gulping for air. As if he had been holding it for the past couple of minutes ever since Davy appeared, and then he promptly passed out. And Diego had to act fast and catch his brother with his bad arm and curse of pain. Then all eyes swung to Five as if expecting some kind of answer, anything at all.
But Five was still glued to his own spot in the mix, slowly wrinkling his nose as if he caught a whiff of something unpleasant and repugnant. “Aidan?”