Chapter Text
It's not that he doesn't miss Bucky. It’s just that Steve often doesn’t understand his own feelings until someone else points them out, and has a tendency to get lost in the maze of his mind, stuck in one stupid idea or another.
In other words, sometimes his interest turns into obsession and all logical thinking gets thrown out of the window, and that’s exactly why Steve finds himself back in the past, watching Peggy do SHIELD paperwork.
He loves her, or at least he thought he loved her, but now, after spending time together, he realizes that it was the idea of her that he loved - a strong, beautiful person who took none of his shit and looked out for him, sometimes in a rough way. Someone not afraid to call him out on his bullshit when necessary and then kick his ass to knock him down a few pegs.
It took him a long talk with Peggy herself to realize that there was someone else with those exact traits in his life, someone he left in his mad pursuit of the “love of his life.”
Bucky.
James Buchanan Barnes, his best friend, someone he had fought the entire world for, the sore centre of his whole mind for years until he found him and then some.
Bucky who he had left alone in a world that’s completely different from the one they grew up in, with one friend, if he could ever call Sam that, and no other support. Bucky, who he had only found only to lose again, this time to his own stupidity.
But no more. No, now Steve is ready to return to his own time, 5 seconds after leaving, and finally admit to himself and to Bucky what he had always known - that he’s in love with his best friend and wants to spend the rest of their life together, as it should be.
He’s leaving tomorrow, this being the last night he spends with Peggy, the ideal he had spent so much time chasing, the one he has to let go, just like she had done for him. They got their goodbye, the sweet ending that doesn’t always have to be happy. It’s time for him to make amends and get his own happy ending, with the man he loves.
That’s why he’s almost vibrating with excitement when the sun comes up and they both stand in the backyard, smiling at each other.
“Don’t waste your second chance, Steve,” Peggy says kindly, smiling up at him. She’s not sad, just content. “Even though you can be a bit dumb, I think you can manage not to ruin this.”
Steve just nods helplessly, both elated and nervous. He doesn’t want to leave her here, but he has to say goodbye. Their time has passed. “I know. Thank you, for our last dance.”
“Thank you for keeping your promise,” she replies and then just waves at him, neither willing to say goodbye.
Steve leaves then, knowing she will be okay, no matter what.
When he arrives, there’s no one waiting for him. No time machine, no Bruce or Sam or Bucky or anyone. The sun is slowly setting and it’s warmer than when he had left and Steve suddenly feels like something is very very wrong.
He looks around, noticing he’s still in Tony’s backyard, though it looks vastly different from how it looked when he left.
There’s a set of swings and an old car partly taken apart, a few toys strewn around, a new shed at the back, probably highly advanced, a motorcycle standing in the driveway. Steve swallows and takes a few hesitant steps forward, to peer from behind the shack, trying to gather when exactly he landed and what went wrong.
Steve’s so focused on finding Tony, or any other familiar face, that he startles when he hears a loud, “Papa, papa look what I found!” of a young girl, Morgan, Tony’s daughter.
He catches a glimpse of her, older than the last time he saw her but maybe by 3 years at best, still bright-eyed and innocent. She’s holding something delicate in her hand and running back to the house, dirty but smiling, clearly looking at someone.
Said someone takes a few steps forward and then Steve’s breathing stops because this is Bucy. Bucky, in a black henley and old jeans, hair in a bun, the beard gone and replaced with a stubble, smiling like Steve hasn't seen him smile in...ever. This smile, soft and adoring and so full of love has never graced Bucky’s face before, and Steve doesn’t know how to react.
The girl finally reaches Bucky, and his friend scoops her up without hesitation, settling her on his hip in a practised, smooth move.
“What do you have, baby girl?” he asks her gently, interested and attentive and so achingly soft that something in Steve’s heart jumps.
“One of the flowers you told me about, the one that people used to use for poisoning and also for cooking? I think its this one,” Morgan says with a happy smile, showing said plant.
Bucky nods and kisses the top of her head, pride almost emanating from him. “That’s the one, my little witch. That’s an amazing find, you definitely deserve a reward… Cake pops?”
“Can I have two, papa?” she asks innocently, probably giving his friend the same eyes that Tony used to give Steve. And just like Steve, Bucky softens and kisses her forehead.
“We’ll see крошка, we have to ask dad first,” his friend chuckles, settling the girl back down, but giver her his metal hand to hold.
For a second, Steve isn’t sure what to do. His friend, his best friend, is smiling down at Tony's daughter as if she’s his, and she’s calling him ‘papa’ and Bucky looks so happy and carefree and full of life and suddenly, Steve isn’t sure if it was even the right universe.
Granted, Morgan looks a bit older than she looked when he left, but maybe it’s just...something wrong with his time device. Maybe it threw him into the wrong universe, where something was clearly different from his own.
Because what had to happen to change things so dramatically, leading to Bucky acting like Tony’s daughter is his own, to Bucky seemingly living there, with Tony, like nothing happened, like Steve didn’t even exist…
“What did our little one find?” comes another voice and Steve snaps back into attention, because this is Tony Stark, looking healthier than ever, almost glowing with happiness, even with some scars on his face and a scarred hand that’s noticeably shaky as it wraps around Morgan’s shoulders.
Steve almost makes himself known then, but Bucky leans down to causally kiss Tony on the cheek and Steve's world crashes down. He can't stop the gasp from tearing from his throat and that’s enough for Bucky to notice him.
Wide, ice-blue eyes meet his and all Steve can do is stare at his best friend as he stiffens, before saying something to Morgan and then seeing her go inside the house, while Bucky and Tony walk towards him. He’s frozen to the ground, too shocked to even breathe right so when they finally reach him, Steve's close to hyperventilating.
“Stevie?” Bucky whispers, staring at him with wide eyes, and when Steve looks down, he can see that he’s squeezing Tony’s hand in his. It makes his heart hurt even more. “Where the hell did you come from?”
That snaps him a bit out and he stares right back, confused. “From the time machine…” he says slowly. “I just got...sidetracked.”
“I know,” Bucky snaps bitterly, but there’s no anger in his voice, only a strange resignation. “You’ve been gone for more than 3 years. What are you doing back? I thought you’ll stay with Peggy and live a life.”
At that, Steve looks down and his shoulders sag. “I wanted to,” he admits, now speaking only to Bucky, as Tony isn’t saying anything. “But she made me realize a few things and I came back. I came back to you.”
Steve raises his head when he says that, looking at Bucky hopefully, but his friend doesn’t look moved or even emotional. No, his face is blank but his eyes are blazing and then Tony raises a hand and squeezes Bucky’s shoulder and his friend leans into the touch, eyes softening a bit.
Bucky sighs deeply and glances back at him. “Look, Steve, when you left I was…” He steels himself visibly, before carrying on. “I was a mess. I felt like I wasn’t enough for you, broken and scarred, especially when you had your pretty, fierce Peggy. I was in a bad place, for a while. You just left me there, me and Sam both, to just...fuckin’ live. Not sayin’ a word, you just left and I had to, y’know, live on. So I did. I was always good at survivin’.”
“I-I didn't know it would be so long,” Steve finally whispers, making Tony actually scoff. He’s just about to snap at the man, but Bucky speaks up before he can.
“Yeah, you just wanted to return as an old man and shit!” he almost raises his voice, starting Steve straight in the eyes, before deflating. “Look, Steve, you’ve been gone for over 3 years. I moved on, found friends, I have a family now.”
While saying that, Bucky looks at Tony and his eyes immediately soften, a different type of love flooding them, sweet but real, concrete. Grounded. As for himself, Tony turns to Bucky, leaning against the taller man’s body easily, their moves smooth and comfortable and practised.
“I’m happy,” Bucky says, this time soft and quiet and so so honest that it breaks Steve's heart.
“But with Tony?” He can’t help himself, a tad of bitterness and disapproval bleeding into his voice and Bucky does not appreciate that.
“What about Tony,” he growls, voice reminding Steve of the Winter Soldier, deadly and cold and yet angry somehow, more emotional than HYDRA’s assassin.
“Just...Buck, he’s not good for you,” Steve mutters weakly, trying not to wince at the look of hurt that flashes across Tony’s face. He really trusts the man, isn’t even angry at him, just...the engineer can't be good for his best friend.
“And how can you know that? You left, Steve, you have no goddamn right to say anythin’ about my relationship with Tony, and especially not in that tone. He makes me happy, Steve, happier than I ever thought I deserved. Isn’t that enough for you?”
Steve wants to say that it is, that he just wants Bucky to be happy, that he wishes them all the best but the words get stuck in his throat. Because it’s not enough. He wants to be the one to give Bucky that happiness, to be the one receiving all those soft, loving looks, to lean against his body and give him the world. It should be him, not Tony Stark.
“I-I just...don’t understand. You two hated each other,” he says weakly, throwing his hands up in an attempt to understand the situation somehow. This is not how things were when he left and now he feels unsettled. It’s just plain wrong.
“No, Steve, I never really hated James,” Tony speaks up for the first time, voice both gentle and kind somehow, still not moving from his spot against Bucky’s side. “It was you I was angry at, never at James, and it didn’t take me long to actually get over what happened. There’s a difference between a weapon and the man pulling the trigger, and I see it clearly.”
‘Why did you almost kill Bucky, then?’ Steve wants to ask, but it’s all behind them and it’s not wise to bring it all up, so many years later, with Bucky looking so angry and so close to actually snapping.
“We were both a bit lost, after Thanos, and we found something together. We found a chance, and we took it, Steve,” Tony says quietly. “You can’t blame us for making the best out of our chance, while you wasted yours.”
Steve’s head snaps up and his wide eyes meet Tony’s and then he knows that Tony knows. The billionaire knows that Steve’s in love with Bucky and there’s understanding in his eyes, but also pity. Because they both know that Bucky doesn’t love him like that. Not even if he used to love Steve, it’s all long gone, love for Tony blazing it its place like North Star.
And Steve wants to continue being angry and wants to feel betrayed, but he just can’t. He’s the one who left, who probably destroyed all romantic feelings Bucky may have ever had for him, and as much as he wants to, it’s not his place to tell his friend who he can or can’t love. Especially since there's a young girl calling him 'papa' and smiling at him like he's her whole world, not even flinching at the sight of his metal arm; since it's not only Tony but a family that Bucky always so desperately wanted.
All that he has left is the crushing regret and the realization that he could have had it all - a best friend and lover, a forever home, a future, but instead, he chose the past and missed his chance.
“Yeah, I know,” he mutters then, looking at two of his friends, both of whom he disappointed and left behind. It's only fair that now he’s the one to be left behind while they run in pursuit of their happiness. “For all it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
For leaving you behind, theAlpsSyberiathepresent, for choosing someone else over you, BuckyPeggy, for being selfish.
They both nod and then Bucky lays his metal hand on his shoulder and squeezes. “I know, punk,” he mutters with a small, hesitant smile. “Wanna stay for dinner?”
And Steve nods because his heart is hurting and his whole chest feels empty but he owes it to them, a chance to maybe...build something new. Not as strong or secure as what they used to have, but a tentative friendship, a chance to atone for his mistakes. A way to keep Bucky in his life.
“Lead the way,” he says with a bright, if a bit fake smile, and then keeps smiling when they’re all sitting on the porch and he sees Bucky pull Tony into a soft kiss, their lips meeting in a familiar dance, framed by the setting sun. Morgan is rolling her eyes but smiling at them and they look so domestic and at ease... Like a fairytale.
It’s beautiful and Steve can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt but the loving smile that’s on Bucky’s face almost makes it worth it. Almost.