Chapter Text
PROLOGUE
Cherokee Wolf Legend
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said…
“My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, doubt, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, inferiority, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, truth, compassion and faith.
The grandson thought about it for a minute then asked his grandfather…
“Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee replied…
“The one you feed.”
Chapter 1
“Wow, that was some audience in there tonight.” Adam closed the tour bus door then leant against it, sweat trickling down his face.
The security at the venue had advised them to get back on their bus as soon as possible, the crowd were out to get a piece of any of them that lingered.
“What was with them tonight? I’ve never seen anyone that enthusiastic for a very long time.” Isaac was wiping his face with a towel he’d managed to snag as they were escorted from the stage and out the stage door.
“I suppose you’ve heard the rumours about this place.” Everyone stopped and looked at Tommy. “Oh come on please tell me I’m not the only one who reads papers and listens to people talking?” He shook his head as he grabbed a cold beer from the fridge.
“You can’t just leave it at that TJ you’ve got to tell us what you mean.”
“Isaac, I thought you were more intelligent than that?”
“Look Ratliff, are you gonna tell us or not?”
Tommy plonked himself on the sofa, took a swig of beer then laughed. “Ok, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s heard this.” He looked at his friends all waiting eagerly for him to speak. His gaze finished at Adam who was staring at him intently. Tommy wished sometimes he wouldn’t do that, his reaction to his friend may one day give away how he really felt about him.
“Well Glitterbaby, we’re waiting.”
Tommy laughed as he took another mouthful of beer, Adam had christened him that nine years ago when he’d first played bass for him on the Glamnation tour, and it had stuck. He rubbed the cool bottle against his firey skin. “Well rumour has it that this town is home to one of the highest number of were’s on the east coast. I read an article in a magazine that Albany has more were’s per square mile than any other town within a 100 mile radius. It’s also rumoured to have more were’s than LA. And I thought LA was the place with the largest population.”
“Hang on, so what are you saying? The crowd in there were all were’s and were out for our blood?” Isaac shook his head. “Tommy Joe you read way too much crap. They just liked our music that’s all and my toned body.” Tommy choked on his beer. “What?”
“Carpenter, they couldn’t see your body hiding behind that kit. Anyway it’s Adam they’re after.” He looked across to where Adam was now sitting and smiled. He could feel his face heating up as the dark haired man winked and smiled back. There had been a spark between them for a long time but neither ever acted on it. Tommy never had the guts to admit his feelings and Adam still believed Tommy was straight.
Yes, they’d slept in the same bed, Adam holding Tommy soothing him to sleep after his father had passed away. They’d kissed on stage, but that was for the audience. What Tommy hadn’t admitted to Adam was that he wanted more of the kissing off-stage and maybe more than cuddling in bed. But Tommy hadn’t wanted to spoil their friendship, so had never told Adam he wasn’t as straight as he’d led him to believe. And the longer this had gone on the more scared Tommy had been to admit to his best friend. He didn’t want to lose that special friendship they had.
“Earth to Tommy. Hey Glitterbaby, penny for them?”
“What?...sorry…was thinking.”
“Steady TJ you’ll hurt yourself if you do that too much.” Isaac ducked as a cushion flew across the lounge area.
“Fucker!” Tommy giggled as he launched said cushion.
“Now children, we’d better change out of these sweaty clothes and get under way. Next stop New York.” Adam stood, peeling off his white shirt. Tommy watching as toned muscles rippled when Adam moved. He took a couple of deep breaths trying to calm his emotions down. Now was not the right time or place to pop a boner.
Isaac leaned close so only Tommy could hear. “When the hell are you going to admit to yourself and bossman that you have the hots for him?”
Tommy glared at his friend. “Don’t! And stop going on about it. He’s my…our boss and friend so can’t do anything even if I wanted to.”
“Come off it Ratliff, you’ve both had other partners, and they’ve never worked out. I can see how both of you look at one another. You want him and he feels the same about you.”
“Isaac you’re drunk, we’re just good friends.”
“Nope, not drunk. Not even finished one bottle. If I can see it I’m sure the others can too.” He nodded in he direction of Ashley and Neil.
“M’going to shower and change. This conversation is finished.” He got up heading for the shower.
Isaac watched as his two best friends headed in opposite directions, noting Adam’s eyes following Tommy’s every move.
As Tommy let the hot water cascade over him he thought about Adam doing the same. He closed his eyes picturing a naked Adam, bubbles running over his beautiful body. He moaned as his dick jumped, his hand gently stroking it, but picturing Adam’s hand rather than his own wrapped around it.
His eyes sprang open. Fuck Ratliff you can’t do this, someone is bound to hear and start asking questions. But he was aching, he had to have release otherwise his dick wouldn’t calm down and he really didn’t want Adam or anyone asking if he was ok. He moved his hand quicker, listening for movement outside the shower room. His eyes closed again, he was close.
There was that image again, Adam in the shower with him, his hand moving expertly up and down his dick. “Nngh, fuck, Adam.” He came, his other hand pressed against the cubicle wall, he didn’t want to land on his ass as his legs gave way.
His hand stopped, his eyes sprang open. Had he just shouted Adam’s name as he’d jerked off to his image behind his eyes or was it just in his head? He listened for movement outside, holding his breath. No, nothing, they must either still be in the lounge area or in their own bunks.
Washing away the remains of what he’d just done, he switched the shower off. Wrapping a towel around his waist he opened the door, stepping out, straight into Adam.
“Fuck…um sorry…I erm…”
“Hey, not a problem Tommy Joe. My fault, I should have said something, let you know I was out here.”
“Did you um…want something?”
Adam wiggled his eyebrows and smiled. “Always Tommy…but the guys want to know if you’re up for a night out. They fancy stopping somewhere for a drink.”
“After that crazy night and knowing this area’s reputation…”
“Supposed reputation.”
“Well whatever. I’m knackered, so do you mind if I give it a miss. Promise I’ll come with you if we party after the concert in New York.”
“Are you sure? I’ll miss you.” He stared at the horror sleeve his guitarist had, wanting so much to taste the skin, kiss every inch of this beautiful man.
“Yeah, I’m sure. You don’t mind…do you?”
“Of course I don’t mind.” He ran his hand down Tommy’s arm, pulling away when Tommy shuddered. “I’m sorry Tommy Joe, I’m stopping you from drying off, don’t want you catching a cold or anything. It wouldn’t be the same on stage without my kitty!” Adam winked, smiling as he knew Tommy wasn’t fond of that nickname.
Tommy’s shiver wasn’t because he was cold, it was because he liked Adam touching him and wanted nothing more than to pull him close and kiss him, but… “S’ok, I’ll be fine, it’s not as if it’s freezing on this bus.”
“Still, I don’t want you falling ill, I need my awesome guitarist for the rest of this tour.”
“In that case I’ll go and put some clothes on. You all go have a good time and I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Ok Tommy, we’ll try not to make too much noise when we come back.”
“Have fun baby boy. See you later.”
Tommy watched as Adam joined the others, smiling when he heard Adam laugh at something Terrance had said. God, did he love Adam’s laugh.
^V^
Isaac had been watching Adam, with Tommy missing their boss wasn’t as animated as usual. He took a deep breath, his next question could either see him being sacked, punched or both, or he may be very lucky and keep his job.
“Adam…hey bossman.”
“Mmm, sorry Isaac I was just thinking.”
“Jeez, there’s a lot of that about tonight, it’s not good for you ya know!” He smiled as Adam half laughed.
“What did you want Isaac?”
It was now or never. “Why haven’t you asked Tommy out?”
“What? No…he’s straight, he doesn’t…besides I…”
“You what Adam? Come on we can all see you’ve got the hots for him and as for him being…”
“No Isaac, drop it. Tommy is my friend and guitarist and I don’t want to lose him as either.” He got up and headed to the bar.
“Nice one Carpenter. What was all that about?”
“Oh come on Neil, you’ve seen…in fact you’ve both seen how Adam and Tommy look at one another, you can’t say they’re not attracted to each other.”
“Like Adam said, they’re friends and besides TJ’s straight. We all know what happened to Adam the last time he crushed on a straight guy.”
“Well maybe TJ isn’t as straight as what he likes us to believe.”
“Has he said something to you?”
“Not in so many words Ash, but I have a feeling he’s in love with Mr Lambert over there.”
Neil laughed. “I admit he’s Adam’s type but…”
“Nope, no buts, we as friends of both of them have to play matchmaker or they will end up driving everyone crazy with the unrequited sexual tension.”
“Well good luck with that, my darling brother is a tough nut, I can’t see him going along with your plans.”
“And TJ isn’t going to either. He can be a stubborn little fucker.”
“Miss D wash your mouth out! We’re going to get them together if it’s the last thing we do before this tour is over.”
Ashley, Isaac and Neil watched Adam as he chatted to Terrance and Holly at the bar.
^V^
Tommy had been listening to Metallica when he heard the door of the bus open. He couldn’t bring himself to be sociable, so he closed his eyes pretending to be asleep. He heard the laughter of his friends but couldn’t help focusing on Adam’s giggle. He smiled, picturing the blue eyes lighting up and his animated hands all over the place as he talked.
Adam was expressive when he was telling a story and no matter how hard he’d tried to stop, he always spoke with his hands. Tommy pictured the long beautiful fingers moving, the flashes of silver nail polish darting around as the hands moved. He couldn’t help but smile. There wasn’t one part of Adam that wasn’t beautiful. And yes he’d seen every inch of the man as Adam always slept naked.
Tommy took a deep breath, he could feel the blood heading south, and if he wanted people to believe he was asleep then nothing could move.
He listened some more, it sounded as though they’d had a good time and were all a little tipsy. Adam was trying to explain something but couldn’t form his words properly. Tommy had to stifle a giggle, Adam was funny when he was drunk. Whereas Tommy became maudlin.
“S’not true Issssaac.”
“Tis Lambert.”
“Nope, don’t believe you.”
“Oh come off it Adam, that cute blond was practically drooling over you and all you did was ask him to pass the nuts.”
Tommy opened his eyes. So Adam had been flirting with a blond. He wished now he’d gone with them and been the blond. Stop it Ratliff he’s your friend, why would he want to flirt with you? He listened some more.
“My dear baby brother, I’m capable of knowing when someone’s flirting with me for me and when they’re doing it because of who I am.”
“Oh come on Lambert, you’ve had too many one night stands. When are you going to find that special someone?”
“Hey, since when did this conversation become about my love life? I’ll have you know I’m quite happy as I am. Besides, I…”
“You what Adam? You can’t leave it there. Is there someone you’re not telling us about?”
Tommy listened. Had Adam found someone and not said anything to him. But then why should he? Tommy was only his friend and nothing else.
“Nothing, I’m going to bed. I’ve had too much to drink and you know I say waaaay too much when I’m drunk.”
“Well I think he’s got someone he’s not telling us about.” Ashley piped up.
“Leave it Ash.” Adam sounded upset.
Tommy couldn’t help thinking that there was that special someone and his friend didn’t want anyone to know. Maybe he daren’t say anything in case he upset Tommy. He turned to face the wall. He’d heard enough and really should try to sleep.
Adam lay on his bed, fuck Lambert you nearly gave away your feelings there. You really shouldn’t have drunk so much.
After Isaac had mentioned Tommy, the blond had been all Adam could think about. So many times he’d wanted to tell his kitty how he felt, but knew it was a stupid idea. Tommy had told them right from the off that he wasn’t in a relationship so wouldn’t be leaving anyone waiting. He went as far as to say he’d just ended it all with his girlfriend. And if that wasn’t telling them he was straight, then what was? But that didn’t stop Adam crushing on him and kissing him on stage every night for months on the Glamnation tour.
What he’d failed to tell the blond was that it turned him on every single night and he’d had to sort his not so little problem out before they left the venue each night.
He closed his eyes picturing Tommy on stage, he was walking down the stairs towards him at the start of Fever, then kissing his bass player to the screams of the crowds. His hand went to his dick. It was on fire and extremely hard. Fuck! If only thinking about Tommy made him this aroused, what would happen if the blond was in his bed?
He moaned, his cool hand feeling good as it moved rhythmically up and down. He squeezed his eyes tighter not wanting the feeling to disappear quickly.
Faster, his hand moved, faster his breathing became. He wanted so much to stop these thoughts, but on the other hand if this was the only way he could be with Tommy then his hand would have to suffice.
“Nngh Tommy!” he came, warm liquid spilling over his stomach and hand.
His eyes shot open. Had he really called out Tommy’s name, or was it in his head? He knew one thing though, he would always compare other guys to his beautiful blond guitarist, and none would ever match up.
He let his breathing calm down then reached for tissues to clean himself up. He’d been tired when he’d left his friends but now he was wide awake.
Pulling on a pair of jogging pants he quickly headed to the lounge, hoping not to wake anyone.
He sighed with relief when he saw he was the only one awake. He really couldn’t have faced any more of his friends’ questions.
He set to and made himself a steaming cup of Camomile tea. He needed to calm himself down and this was the best way to do it.
Tommy woke as the bus went over a pot hole. He loved being with his friends but the travelling through the night wasn’t his favourite part of the journey. His sleep patterns were erratic because of his insomnia, so to be wakened by a hole in the road on the first night in many that he’d managed to sleep, wasn’t his idea of fun.
He heard movement in the living area so instead of trying to seep again (not much chance now he was wide awake), he’d go grab a soda and see if whoever it was fancied watching a movie.
Pulling on a pair of jogging pants he headed out. Stopping in the doorway when he saw Adam, his bare back to him, making a cup of tea. Could he get back to his bunk without Adam knowing? Or… too late he’d spent too much time staring at the toned body, Adam turned and saw him.
“Hey Tommy Joe, I’m sorry, did I make too much noise and wake you?”
Tommy stared as Adam sat on the sofa, smiling. “Um, n…no I…stupid holes in the road, bus went down one.”
“M’sorry Tommy, I’ll have a word with Gus in the…”
“No Adam, It’s not his fault. Besides, what are you doing up?”
“Couldn’t sleep. Too much going on in here.” He tapped his head.
“Wanna talk?” Tommy knew he was worried about the promotion of his new album and scared that his fans wouldn’t like the direction this new era had taken him.
Adam stared at his friend, how could he tell him he’d been thinking and jerking off to images of a naked blond guitarist. “M’ok, but thank you for caring.”
Tommy had decided to get the soda and was making his way to an arm chair. “Hey, we all look after one another. That’s what friends do.” He smiled at Adam.
“Tommy.”
“Yeah?”
“Will you come sit here?” Adam patted the sofa next to him. “I could do with a hug.”
Tommy laughed. “K, anything for my baby boy.” He put his soda on the table then sat next to Adam. He felt a strong arm wrap around his shoulder. It felt so good, he had to concentrate on his breathing otherwise he wouldn’t have been responsible for anything else that wanted in on the hug.
Adam reached down to put his drink on the table, pulling Tommy as he moved. “This feels good Tommy Joe. I miss our cuddles.” Adam rubbed his hand down Tommy’s arm, a shudder rippling through the blond as he did so. “I’m sorry Tommy, you’re cold. Hang on I’ll be right back.”
Before Tommy could object, Adam had disappeared into his bedroom and was now returning with a blanket.
“Come on baby, lie down. I’ll keep us warm.” Adam spread the blanket over them as they both lay on the sofa. Tommy the little spoon as Adam squeezed himself between the back of the sofa and Tommy.
The blond held his breath as strong arms wrapped around him to stop him rolling onto the floor. He closed his eyes, this felt so good, he missed this when they were back home in LA.
“You comfortable?” Adam breathed into the back of his neck sending amazing sensations down his body.
“Yeah, are you?” Tommy wanted so much to turn to look at his best friend, but stopped himself because he knew he’d only end up kissing Adam and that would end a perfect friendship.
“I’m good. How about we try to get some sleep. We’ve got a long day ahead and two nights in New York.”
“Mmm at least we get to sleep in a hotel for a night.”
“Yeah, we do.”
Tommy felt Adam’s breathing even out. A sure sign the gorgeous man had fallen asleep.
“Oh Adam, I…I’m in love with you.” Tommy froze, what the fuck had he just admitted? He held his breath, then sighed with relief as gentle snores escaped Adam’s mouth. Ratliff you have to keep that big mouth of yours shut. You can’t afford to lose this friendship, or job.
He placed his hand over Adam’s and gently squeezed. He couldn’t tell anyone about his feelings, not even Isaac. Squeezing Adam’s hand once more, he closed his eyes hoping that sleep would overtake him now he felt safe in his friends’ arms.
^V^
Adam woke as the sunlight made an appearance through the blinds. He felt cramped, couldn’t really remember where he was nor who he was holding. He opened his eyes, smiling when he saw Tommy curled up with him. Now he remembered. He’d made a cup of tea, which as he glanced at the table was still sitting there untouched along with the soda Tommy had put there. He remembered too that Tommy had been cold which was why they were cuddling under a blanket.
At some point during the night and without landing his cute ass on the floor, Tommy had turned to face Adam. Seeing him asleep made Adam want nothing more than to kiss him and gently wake him up. He closed his eyes, no, that would not be the cleverest of ideas.
Tommy’s eyes flickered open, smiling when he saw Adam.
“Morning Tommy Joe.”
“Mmmm morning. You must be so cramped, I’d better move.” This was not a good idea being so close to his friend. He could feel his blood supply heading south. Fuck Ratliff move! He started to move but strong arms kept him in place.
“No Tommy, don’t move just yet. I always love our cuddles.” Without thinking he gently kissed Tommy’s lips.
Tommy’s breath caught in his throat surprising him as he realised he’d missed it. Without hesitation he kissed his friend back, Adam willingly opening up for the blonds tongue to explore.
A door closed, they pulled away, neither wanting to end the kiss but both shocked at the eagerness they had for it to happen.
Tommy sat up.
“I’m sorry Tommy Joe, I…”
“No…I’m the one who should be sorry, I…”
“Morning…oh am I interrupting something?”
“No Isaac, Adam and I were talking last night and we fell asleep.”
“Oh…I thought…”
“Carpenter, you know that’s not good for you.” Tommy winked at his friend as he went to put the coffee on. “Coffee’ll be ten minutes. I’d better go put some more clothes on, don’t want Ashley drooling over this body.”
“More like feeling sick TJ, you’re too pale.”
“He’s just right.” Adam smiled as Isaac stared at him.
Tommy blushed as he headed for his bunk.
“So Mr Lambert, what were you two doing last night. That wasn’t just falling asleep after talking. You had one blanket and the only way it would keep both of you warm is if…”
“Leave it Isaac, we’re friends and that’s the way it’s got to stay.”
“Tell me to shut the fuck up, but what I saw when I came in was two people who clearly have feelings for one another and need to seriously talk about what’s going on, then have extremely hot sex.”
Adam sighed. “We all know Tommy Joe is straight and I can’t go down that road again. So we’ll continue to be good friends.” Slowly standing he headed to his bedroom, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, the smell of Tommy lingering on it.
Isaac watched, he should bash their heads together maybe that would knock some sense into his friends.
Adam sat on his bed, eyes closed remembering the kiss. It was a gut reaction but Tommy had kissed him back. That had never happened before, well maybe a couple of times on stage but that was for the audience…wasn’t it? And there had been no audience this morning. Isaac was right, they needed to talk.
Tommy climbed onto his bunk Ratliff what the fuck were you thinking? But he knew he hadn’t been thinking, he’d just gone with his gut reaction, he’d wanted to kiss Adam. Well you’ve done it now. You’ve crossed the line, you need to talk to him, explain. But explain what? That he wanted it, that he wasn’t as straight as he’d told them all. But that wouldn’t work, he’d lied to his friends and he knew how he felt about liars. No he had to tell Adam it had been a mistake.
He found his favourite jumper, pulled that and a pair of jeans on. He couldn’t stay in his bunk all day, people would definitely ask way too many questions.
Taking a deep breath he headed for the lounge area and the smell of freshly brewed coffee.
Everyone but Adam was sat talking and drinking the coffee. He poured himself a cup and went to join them.
“My big brother must still be out of it, after all those drinks he put away last night.”
“Yeah he was rather tipsy when we got back.”
“He was fine when I was talking to him at four this morning.” They all looked at hm. “What? The bus went down a pot hole, woke me up. I wanted a soda and when I came out here Adam was making tea. We talked a while then fell asleep.” He took a mouthful of hot coffee.
“So where’s our leader now then?”
“He went in there.” Isaac pointed to the bedroom just as the door opened.
“Morning!” Adam looked at his friends, his eyes lingering just a little bit longer on the blond.
“Morning.” They all chorused. Tommy not meeting Adam’s gaze. If only he’d turned and gone back to his bunk last night none of how he was feeling would be eating him up right now.
Isaac watched his friends. He had to get them to talk, but that wouldn’t happen if everyone was around.
“I have an idea!”
“Oh great, Carpenter’s been thinking again.” It was Tommy’s turn to duck the flying cushion.
“Well don’t keep us in suspense.” Ashley raised her eyebrows insisting Isaac continue.
“Ok, so how about we get Gus to stop at the nearest diner so we can all go get breakfast. I’m in the mood for greasy food.”
“Breakfast sounds good but muesli for me thanks.”
“Yeuk Miss D, that’s not gonna line your stomach ready for our next night out.”
“If I eat fried food then get back on here I’ll be sick, and I’m guessing that wouldn’t go down too well.”
A chorus of no’s echoed around the bus.
“I don’t feel like eating, didn’t sleep well so can’t face food.” Tommy hoped they believed him. He just didn’t feel like being sociable.
“Ok TJ you could try to sleep whilst the bus is stationary.”
“Yeah, I might just do that.”
“I’m not up for much breakfast either. Think my head is complaining after all I drank last night.”
“Ok bossman, well the rest of us are going. Let Gus know we want food.” Isaac smiled as Adam messaged their driver to stop.
It was a further 20 minutes before the bus pulled into a roadside diner. They all piled off, Isaac last. “Are you sure neither of you want to come?”
“Sure.” Adam smiled.
“Yeah, thanks though.” Tommy looked at his friend.
“Ok, have fun boys. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He laughed and disappeared.
Tommy went to refill the coffee pot, he really needed more caffeine.
“Tommy Joe are you ok?”
“Mmm yeah, why do you ask?”
“Normally you’d be the first one for greasy food.”
“Yeah well a guy can change his mind can’t he?” He regretted how that came out as soon as he’d finished speaking.
“Whoa Tommy, are you sure you’re ok?” Adam went to stand behind him, this was unusual for his friend to sound like that.
Tommy felt Adam’s presence, he hated how he was feeling but loved that he could feel his friend close to him.
“Yeah, m’fine.” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes then turned, coming face to face with the man he’d kissed earlier that morning.
Adam pulled him close. Tommy felt safe in the strong arms. Pulling away, “Adam I…”
“What is it?”
“That…our…fuck…”
“No we haven’t done that.” He winked at the blond “Yet!”.
“Adam, please.”
“Come and sit down, we need to talk.”
“Yeah…we do.” Tommy allowed himself to be led to the sofa. Adam sat, pulling him down beside him. They stared into each others’ eyes, it was Adam who spoke first.
“Tommy, that kiss this morning…”
“What about it?”
“Was I imagining things or did you kiss me back?”
“You know I did, so why ask.”
“Tommy, baby, I…”
“We can’t Adam. We wouldn’t work. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, it’s…”
“Because you’re straight and don’t do that with another man.” Adam could feel his anger rising.
“No Adam, it’s not that. I…shit…I should have said something sooner, but I got scared.”
“Scared of what baby?” Adam held onto his hands.
“Scared that you’d hate me and tell me to leave.”
“Tommy Joe, I’d never do either of those things. What is it you’d think I’d hate you for?”
“I…I’m…” It was no use he couldn’t tell this amazing man he was Bi.
“You’re what?” Adam as worried now.
Tommy took a deep breath. “It’s best if we just stay friends. I…I can’t give you what you want.” As much as he wanted to say it, he couldn’t tell him he was in love with him and wanted nothing more than to be Adam Lambert’s boyfriend.
“Oh, but what about…”
“I’d just woken up and you caught me off guard.. Please Adam we’re good friends, and…”
“And that’s all you want?”
“I don’t want to spoil what we have.”
“Other than our friendship and working together. That’s what you mean, isn’t it?” Tommy nodded. “Ok if that’s how you want our relationship to be, that’s what I’ll go with.”
“Thank you.” He squeezed Adam’s hands. “I’m gonna go get some air. I’ll be back shortly.”
“Bus is leaving in…” Adam looked at the time. “…in 20 minutes. I want to be settled in our hotel before we go to tonight’s venue.”
“K, I’ll be back soon.” Tommy disappeared out the door.
Adam was sitting on the sofa, eyes closed, when he felt someone sit beside him. “That was a quick walk Tommy.”
“Not TJ, it’s me.” Adam opened his eyes. “Saw Ratliff heading away from here so wanted to make sure you were ok.”
“Not really but I’ll get over it.”
“Come on, tell Dr Carpenter all about it.”
Adam told him about how they’d fallen asleep together then kissed when they woke. “And all he said was it’d be better if we were just friends.” Adam rubbed his eyes.
“Hey at least he didn’t say he was leaving.”
“Suppose there is that.”
“Did you tell him how you felt?”
“I tried.”
“Mmm not hard enough it seems.”
“I’m not going to say anything more to him. I’m gonna have to be satisfied with our friendship and the fact that he still wants to play for me.”
“Give him time. He might…”
“No Isaac he won’t, but thanks for listening.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
The door opened, everyone piled on including Tommy.
“Ok gang, let’s get to New York, we need to rest before we hit the stage tonight.”
“Let’s hope it’s not full of were’s again. I for one will be happy with a quieter audience.” Ashley sighed.
“If you guys don’t mind, I’m gonna try to get some sleep after last night’s wake up call from the pot hole.”
“Sure TJ you take care of yourself.” Isaac smiled at his friend. Watching as the blond made his way to his bunk. Adam’s eyes never leaving him until he’d shut the door.
^V^
Tommy must have fallen asleep, because someone was poking him in the ribs, telling him to wake up.
“K, ok, m’awake.”
“We’re at the hotel, everyone is ready to go, but you Ratliff, are still asleep.”
“Told ya Isaac, I didn’t sleep last night so…”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. Come on let’s go find our rooms then you can tell Uncle Isaac all about it.”
“Nothing to tell.”
“Come on TJ I know you better than that, you and I are gonna talk.”
Tommy sighed. “Ok, but only to shut you up. You’re worse than my mom for nagging.”
“Hey, I only want to see you happy. And right now I don’t believe for one minute that you are.” He smiled at his friend. “You’ve got five minutes to get your stuff together then we leave, with or without you.”
“Fine, I’ll be there.” Tommy sat up. “See I’m up. Now go, I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Fine, and Tommy…” Isaac stopped in the doorway.
“Mmm?”
“We all love you, even bossman.” He smiled again, then left.
Tommy sat on his bunk. He did love Adam, but how could he tell him without destroying the trust his friends had in him.
“Tommy Joe Ratliff…two minutes left.” Isaac shouted.
“I’m coming.” He jumped down, grabbed his bag then went to join his friends.
“There you are Tommy, we thought you’d decided you preferred your bunk to a proper bed.” Adam winked at him as the others laughed.
“Uh huh give me a double bed anytime, I can spread out.”
“And here’s me thinking you wanted to share said double bed with someone special.” Adam commented as he picked up his bags and stepped off the bus.
Tommy felt his face flush. Adam had been joking but Tommy really did want to share his bed with the beautiful dark haired man. His friends piled off the bus leaving him and Isaac the last to go.
“Adam’s right isn’t he?” He saw Tommy close his eyes and gently nod. “For goodness sake TJ neither of you can carry on like this. We are definitely going to talk.”
Tommy nodded, “ok” picked up his bags and followed everyone into the hotel.
There was a crowd of fans waiting for them near the entrance. They screamed as Adam approached. He was amazing, he’d stop and chat, sign autographs for his Glamberts no matter where they were. You could see how much he appreciated his fans.
“Tommy, over here, can we have a photograph of you and Adam together?”
Reluctantly he went over to the girl who’d shouted. He smiled as she took his photo.
“Please Tommy can I get a photo of you both?”
Tommy hadn’t heard him approach and was surprised when Adam spoke.
“That’s ok by me, what do you say Tommy Joe?”
How could he refuse. He loved the fans too, he wouldn’t be where he was today without them.
“Ok.” He looked from Adam to the girl. “Where to you want us to stand?”
“Ummm how about if…well…Adam would you put your arm around Tommy…if…if that’s ok?”
“Sure, that’s ok isn’t it Tommy?”
“Yeah, fine.” Tommy held his breath. After the incident earlier and the talk they’d had he had to keep his feelings for the strong safe arms around him in check. He definitely couldn’t show anything, not with all the camera’s flashing.
Adam’s arm snaked around his shoulders pulling him close. Instinctively Tommy wrapped his arm around Adam’s waist. It really did feel good.
The girls and several others snapped multiple shots before Tommy pulled away.
“Thank you Tommy, Adam, I’m really looking forward to the concert tonight.”
“No, thank you.” Adam smiled. “We love playing for everyone.” She blushed as Adam shook her hand. “Now excuse us all, we’ve had a long journey and we need to rest before tonight’s show.” He waved again and disappeared into the lobby. Tommy and the rest of the crew following.
By the time Adam had sorted out everyone’s key’s Tommy was ready for a drink. Heading to his room he knew Isaac wouldn’t be too long in appearing at his door for their chat. As ever Tommy found himself in the room next to Adam. He wanted to tell him to give him a different room but on the other hand he liked knowing his friend was on the other side of the wall.
He was just adding coke to the Jack he’d found, when there was a knock on the door. Taking a deep breath and downing half the drink he shouted for the person to come in.
“Any more of that? Or have you drunk it all?”
“Give me some credit Carpenter, I’ve only just got here.”
“Yeah, well after this morning I wasn’t sure how you’d be feeling?”
“Keep telling you I’m ok.” He handed Isaac his drink.
“Thanks. Now come on Tommy sit and talk to me, I hate seeing my two best friends hurting.”
Tommy sat cradling his drink, staring into the glass as if the liquid was going to magically move itself into his mouth.
“Tommy we don’t have all night, we’ve got a gig in four hours so come on talk to me man.”
“Fuck!”
“Nope, don’t wanna do that, but thanks for asking, besides you haven’t got the right equipment for me.”
“Do you want me to talk or do you want to just sit there making stupid comments?” Tommy looked at his friend. “I’m sorry Isaac, it’s just…”
“Just what? I’m not going to judge you or say anything to anyone, I want to help. And if by help it’s just me listening then that’s good by me.”
“Yeah, m’sorry.”
“Stop apologising and talk.”
Tommy downed the remainder of his drink. “I’m in love with Adam.” He closed his eyes, he’d never told anyone that so he was now waiting for Isaac to shout at him. But there was nothing, no shouting, no laughing, just silence.
He opened his eyes. “So…go on, tell me I’m being pathetic.” He stared at his friend.
“No TJ, I’m not calling you anything. We all have a right to love whoever we want. Just…well does Adam know this?”
“Now why would I tell him when he thinks I’m straight. It was bad enough this morning when I kissed him. I can’t admit to not being as straight as everyone thinks. I’d lose everyone’s trust.”
“Oh Tommy, you wouldn’t. We all love you for who you are, you have to tell him.”
“I can’t. We talked when you all went for breakfast and I was on the verge of saying I was Bi but I…well I told him it’d be better if we were just friends.”
“Tommy he cares for you. You have to tell him how you feel.”
“I tried Isaac, I just don’t want to lose him. It would kill me if he told me to leave because I lied.”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
“And how do you know?”
“Believe me, I just know.”
“No, I can’t. I love my job, I love all of you and I especially love Adam, but I can’t risk losing my job for being a liar.”
“Oh TJ you really must do something. I can see how it’s eating you up. Will you promise me something?”
“If I can.”
“We’ve got a few days off after these New York shows. Promise me you’ll tell Adam how you feel. Go somewhere together, sort yourselves out and when you’ve talked, have the hottest sex either of you have ever had.” Tommy laughed. “Well he can still laugh. Will you talk to him…for me…please?” Tommy nodded his head. “I’m sorry what was that, didn’t quite catch your answer.”
“Yes…ok…I’ll talk to him.”
“Good.”
There was a knock at the door. “Come in.” It was Ashley. “Hey beautiful lady what can we do for you?”
“Well if you bothered to look at your phones you’d know Adam wants us at the venue for soundcheck in 20.”
“Sorry, I’d put mine on silent when I went for that sleep.”
“Oh mine’s still in my room.”
“Men!”
“Hey what’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing TJ, I love you all. Now you’d both better get your asses to the venue, you know how meticulous Adam is with his sound.”
“Sure, on our way.” Tommy and Isaac smiled as Ashley left.
“Now you’re not going back on your promise are you TJ?”
“No dad.” He laughed as Isaac playfully punched him on the arm. “Hey watch it Carpenter, don’t damage the guitarist.”
They headed out laughing.
^V^
The concert that night was electric. The crowd were amazing, singing along with all the songs. Adam was on a high. He loved to perform, he’d always said being on stage was his happy place. And Tommy understood every word, he was a different person on stage, he loved seeing everyone happy.
After two encores they finally left the stage. They were thankful that they were staying in New York overnight. They could relax rather than head straight back to the buses.
As they were changing the stage manager knocked on their door. Isaac and Tommy both shouted come in at the same time.
“Sorry to disturb you gentlemen but Mr Lambert said to meet him outside in ten minutes he’s got transport sorted for the Marquee, said he’s hired the VIP area so you can have a good time and not be disturbed. Erm…they were his words not mine.” He disappeared.
“I don’t feel like being sociable.”
“Come on TJ we don’t have any travelling to do we’re here again tomorrow. One drink’s not gonna hurt.”
Tommy sighed. “K, but only one!”
“Great, come on let’s go.”
“Took you boys long enough!”
“We had to pretty ourselves up for you Ashley.”
“Tommy doesn’t have to do that, he’s pretty already.” Adam smiled, Tommy felt himself blushing.
“Oh for goodness sake, when are you two gonna act on the sexual tension? It’s getting boring now.”
“Little brother, Tommy Joe and I are just friends, isn’t that right Tommy?” Adam looked at the blond, sadness flashing across his face.
“Yep Neil, we’re just good friends.” Tommy really didn’t want to get into this conversation. “So, come on then, where’s this Marquee club you’ve decided we’re off to?”
A limo pulled up. “Our ride ladies and gentlemen.” Adam held the door open for them as they piled in, laughing and chatting.
It was a squeeze, but they weren’t going far. Tommy found himself squashed between Isaac and Adam. He could feel the heat radiating from Adam and wanted nothing more than to crawl into his lap and kiss him into oblivion. But instead he took several deep breaths and closed his eyes.
“Are you ok Tommy Joe?” Adam put a hand on Tommy’s leg, who jumped as he felt the hand touch him.
“I’m sorry Tommy, I was worried about you.”
“M’ok, think it’s the insomnia from last night catching up with me.”
“As long as it’s nothing more serious.”
“No, I’ll be ok once I’ve had a drink.” He smiled.
As they arrived at the club, Adam glanced at his friend. What had Tommy wanted to say this morning? Why couldn’t Adam tell him how he felt?
“Are we getting out or are we having drinks sent out here?”
“Sorry Terrance, I was miles away.” Adam opened the door, everyone following him into the club.
They’d been there about an hour when a waitress brought over a tray of drinks.
“We didn’t order these.”
“No Mr Lambert, that young lady over there…” she pointed to a smiling woman over the far side of the room. “…says they’re on her as a thank you for an amazing concert tonight.”
“Oh well, tell her it was our pleasure and thank her for us.”
The waitress smiled then went to deliver the message. They all waved to her holding up their glasses in a thank you.
Talk moved to what they were thinking of doing during their two weeks off, when the woman who’d bought the drinks came across.
“I’m so sorry to disturb you.”
“That’s ok, thank you again for the drinks.”
“My pleasure.”
“What can we do for you Miss…”
“It’s Marcia.”
“Ok Marcia, what can we do for you?”
“Please don’t think I do this all the time Mr Lambert, but I wondered if Mr Ratliff would like to dance.”
Tommy nearly choked on his drink, the rest laughed.
“Oh dear, have I said something wrong?”
“No…no…it’s just Tommy here doesn’t dance.” Isaac gently shoved his friend.
“Oh I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone.” She turned to leave.
“No…wait.” Tommy needed to get away from Adam, he’d found himself sitting next to him again, and being so close was messing with his head.
Everyone stared at the blond. “What? A guy can change his mind can’t he?” he stood. “Thank you Marcia, I’d love to dance. I’ll warn you though, I’m not very good.”
“That’s ok.” She smiled as he followed her.
Adam never took his eyes from them, watching as they got closer together.
Isaac noticed and moved next to him. “Talk to him Adam, tell him how you feel.”
“I…I can’t, look he’s having a good time, I can’t crush on a straight guy again.”
Isaac shook his head, his friends were impossible.
Tommy actually enjoyed dancing with Marcia. He could feel eyes on him and every so often he glanced up to see Adam watching him.
The song ended, Tommy thanked her and hugged her knowing full well Adam was watching. As he got back to his seat his friend stood.
“Ok girls and boys it’s nearly 4am we have another show tonight, we need to sleep.” He retrieved his coat then headed out.
Stunned, everyone looked as he left, then followed him. They didn’t know what had caused this change in attitude but they knew not to argue with him.
No-one spoke on the ride back to the hotel. Not one person dared ask what had happened, they all valued their jobs.
Back in his room, Tommy was in the process of undressing when there was a knock at his door. He pulled his shirt back on, leaving the buttons undone because the last thing he wanted was to pay for a new door, as his visitor was determined to see him.
Opening it, “What the hell?” He nearly lost his footing as Adam pushed his way in. “Adam, what the…”
“What was that game all about tonight?”
“Fuck Adam, what are you talking about?”
“You know damn well what I’m talking about…Marcia!”
“Oh, I see. I can’t dance with a beautiful woman without your permission. Is that it?”
“No you idiot, you know that’s not it.”
“So I’m an idiot now am I?”
“What? Tommy no, I didn’t mean…”
“You say a lot of things you don’t mean.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“And?”
“Well that kiss this morning, you kissed me and then said it was a mistake. You’re lying aren’t you Tommy, it wasn’t a mistake, go on…admit it.”
“An idiot, now a liar. I don’t have to listen to this. I need some air. Goodnight Adam.” He pulled his jacket from the back of a chair as he stormed out of the room. He had to get out, he was feeling claustrophobic. If he’d looked back, he’d have seen Adam, tears running down his face mouthing I love you Tommy Joe.
Tbc