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He takes a long drag from the cigarette between his two fingers and exhales the smoke as if it were his last breath. Dark circles under his eyes are a regular occurrence and he looks completely comfortable crossing his bare legs on the bed. Cum still drying on the sheets. His eyes cut to me and they are sharp and dark as always. He isn’t an attractive man- certainly not attractive as far as his profession goes. Wrinkles from living a hard life set in on his still relatively young face. Again he exhales a slow stream of smoke before bringing the round stick to his dissatisfied lips.
“You’ve gotten better. Not good enough to please anyone you’d actually care about. You still suck, but better than when we first started out.” Any sign of cordiality is nowhere in sight. He doesn’t mince words.
“Do you have to smoke that while I’m still here?” My time isn’t completely up. I always pay for an hour. I don’t need half that with as quickly as I finish.
“Yes, I do. Unless you can get it up already, I’m going to enjoy my smoke.”
“I don’t see how you can stomach it.” It reminds me of how my uncle would blow smoke in my face.
“It’s the easiest way to kill oneself without raising suspicion.” His dry humor doesn’t take me aback like it once did. He takes another long drag. This is what draws me to this man. It is rare to find such a cynical man cased in fragility. This whore house is far enough from civilized society that no one would catch me here. They don’t ask for names- in fact they don’t want them. You pay up front for whomever your choice is and it’s completely confidential. Everyone in the magical world knows me, but the owner said nothing about my identity.
I told him that I had never been to a place like this before and that I equally had never been with anyone. Without a question or prodding, he simply said that number 394 would be a good starter. If I am able to be satisfied with a man, then 394 would be the best to start with.
He has been a worker here for almost twenty years and is familiar with every play imaginable. His body is quite durable from familiar sexual actions and I would be unlikely to harm him. Since he is so experienced, he could lead me through the ins and outs. I was told that he may have a bit of a tongue on him, but he’s more or less harmless. And. He’s the cheapest they have.
Nervous and a bit afraid, I choose number 394. I’ve been choosing him once a week for nearly half a year.
It’s not uncommon for me to see bruises and whelps on his body. When I asked if he was okay, he waved me away and said that some of his regulars enjoy his company because he’s one of the few paid companions that allow rough treatment. To engage in such acts with an unwilling worker would result in banning from this establishment.
He is called 394. That is his official name. Any name can be given during a session and he will respond to that name, but his actually birth name is something no one is privy to. His dark hair falls at shoulder length. Just long enough for easy pulling without being overly in the way. His stomach is sunken in and although he is very long, he is equally thin. He is mostly hairless from the waste down and he once explained that it’s quite annoying to wash cum out of hair so he prefers being hairless, but if a patron requests, then he will stop shaving.
I always have time left after I finish, and I never manage to make him finish as well. He doesn’t comment on it and instead only pulls out a cigarette seemingly unperturbed by not finishing. He is still mine for the next forty minutes. Sometimes he is willing to talk. Of course, certain topics are off limits.
Like the dark mark on his left forearm.
“I never turn away a regular, but certainly you’ve gotten enough experience to find a partner better suited to your tastes.” I never really had a type. “Either that, or perhaps you would prefer engaging in non vanilla play.” He talks as if sex is just a business transaction, but I suppose to him it is. “I know you are familiar that I am typically bought by patrons that prefer to treat their partner roughly.”
“Do you like rough sex?” I ask.
“I like whatever my buyer likes.” He says as I’m sure he’s been trained to do.
“Why did you decide to become a…” I stop talking. I don’t want to insult him.
“A sex worker? Prostitute? Whore?” He says completely unbothered by the insulting words. Even if they are accurate ones. “I’m afraid the whole story would just be a turn off. Let’s just say this was my only option and leave it at that.”
“Please. I’d really like to know.” He lights another cigarette.
“Not many places will hire a man that made stupid mistakes as a child.” He taps on the dark mark meaningfully. “It doesn’t really matter my reasoning, but I made this choice,” He again taps the dark mark, “because I had no other choices, and then I made this choice,” motioning around the room, “because I had no other choices. Honestly though this is all I’d ever be good at. If I didn’t live and work here, then I would have nowhere else to go.” He looks at me. “And you are the boy who lived.” He shakes his head. “It’s shameful for you to lower yourself by choosing me. I know I’m pretty well a bargain, my hole isn’t worth much, but there are prettier choices you could make. Some really pretty girls work here and some attractive guys if that’s your preference.”
“I’m more comfortable with you.” He rolls his eyes.
“Suit yourself.” Scars litter his body and his soul. “I don’t think your mom saved you so that you could buy sex from some used up whore though.”
“You don’t know anything about my mom.” His words sting as all truths do.
“Lily.” He says with his eyes closed. “She was a real beauty. Even if that scar didn’t give you away, your eyes are all I need to see to know who you are.”
“You knew my mom?”
“We were friends- or were for a time. I knew her before our time at Hogwarts, but that was a very long time ago. I heard that you were raised by your aunt and uncle. It’s no wonder you are so warped as to pay for sex. I can’t imagine Tunie gave you much love. She always did hate her sister. Hated me too. Course it didn’t help that I exploded a tree near her. I wonder if she still has that scar on her leg.” He laughs ruefully and takes another puff. “Point is. Spend enough time paying for sex and you get use to how convenient it is. I didn’t say nothing because I figured you were curious and would lose interest, but it’s been months and you come so regularly. Keep this up and you’ll give up on making connections with real people. Trust me. I’ve had regulars that have been coming for years that have no interest in finding someone else to fuck.”
“I don’t want to have sex with anyone else.” I cross my arms trying to feel less insecure in this moment. I knew that he knew who I was, but he’s never said anything. It felt safe being a stranger to a stranger.
“Boy if you knew the filthy stuff that’s been done to me you wouldn’t even want to be this close to me. I’ve done things your innocent mind couldn’t fathom. You have no idea how perverse some of my customers are.”
“That doesn’t matter to me.”
“Perhaps not. But I am yours for the next fifteen minutes. For the next fifteen minutes, I have no past, no future, and no life outside of this room.” There is no coyness about him.
“Doesn’t it make you feel awkward having sex with the son of one of your friends.”
“Not at all. She’s been dead for years and I’ve lost any sense of shame more than a decade ago. If it bothers you though, then stop requesting me.”
“I want to have sex again.” He nods.
“You only have fourteen minutes, but I’m sure for you that will not be a problem.” I ignore the jab.
“But I want to do it differently.” He raises one eyebrow.
“Alright then, what would you like to do.”
“I want to blindfold you, and bind your arms and legs.” He takes one last puff of his cigarette before snuffing it out. He points to a single large box at the other end of the room.
“Anything you could possibly be interested in trying would be in there. Take a look. Do whatever.” He says completely blasé. When I look inside, I honestly don’t know what half of the stuff is for. Sex toys. Rods. Whips. Binds. Chains. It’s almost overwhelming. I hear him exhale and walk next to me. He crouches down and I try not to look at his semi hard cock. He pulls out a blindfold first. “These binds are fastened to my thighs and shins to force my legs to stay fully bent.” He takes them out and sits them next to the blindfold. “These binds are for arms. Both sides fasten to my forearms to keep them forced together. With them on, from my elbows up I can’t pull my arms from each other. Some of these other binds are probably a bit to advanced for whatever your purposes today are, but some can be used to suspend me upside down. Of course there are many standard ball gags.” He continues to pilfer through the lewd objects. “This is a sounding rod.” He says holding up a thin metal rod. “Its use is to be inserted in the urethra. There are several different cock rings. Chastity belts and the like to ensure that I cannot become erect.” He hums slightly while explaining the use of all the strange devices. “Anal beads, pretty self-explanatory. Aside from that, I don’t expect you to have any interest in the more…” He pauses. “unique fetishes.”
“I don’t really know what I’m into honestly.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Do whatever you want. You have nine minutes.” I pull out tiny twin rods incased in a circle.
“What is this?” He takes one from me and silently unlatches it. I watch as he takes the small piece of jewelry and imbeds it into his right nipple.
“I have many piercings. Some of my clients like rings with chains to be fastened to my nipples so that they can pull on it.” My mouth feels dry.
“What other piercings do you have?”
“I have nine in total. Two on each ear. My tongue- especially useful for blowjobs, both nipples, my bellybutton, and two different genital piercings.”
“Doesn’t that… hurt.”
“It did when it was done, but that was years ago.” He smiles slyly. “You are down to seven minutes, if you are going to do something, then you better be quick. Unless you plan to buy another hour, I fear you may not have enough time to do as you please.”
“Would you tell me your name?” I ask, ignoring his ever-present monitoring of time.
“Number 394.”
“I mean your real name.”
“I care as little for my real name as I do the number I was assigned. This brothel asks that none of it’s workers use real names so that any buyer may imprint the identity they wish upon the worker. My name can be anything because my real identity isn’t important. I abandoned that a long time ago.” He sighs wistfully.
“Please.”
“Why exactly do you wish to know it. It would hardly change anything.”
“I just want to know. You were my mother’s friend. You know who I am. I just wanted to know is all.”
“How badly do you want to know?” More than anything. When I don’t answer immediately, he crosses his arms and sizes me up. “It is against protocol for me to tell you the name I was given at birth. If it is something you truly wish to know, then I will tell you. But when I do. I do not expect to see you here again.” If he tells me then he doesn’t want me to come back.
That’s a big price to pay. I don’t want to give up this time I spend with him. But I desperately need to know his name. Silently we stare back at each other. No emotion can be read on his face, but that’s a normal occurrence.
“Time is up.” He says standing. He’s redressing as he always does when our sessions end.
“I want to know your name.” He turns to look at me. His eyes almost look disheartened.
“The name I was given by the woman who gave me life is Severus Snape.” With that he leaves the room.
And doesn’t look back.
It’s been more than a year since I’ve been to Hogwarts. Once I graduated, I didn’t have much need for this place. Sure, it was the only home I ever really had, but ultimately, it’s not home.
Ron and Hermione married and they are off starting a family. They haven’t had much time for me, but I’m okay with that. I’m glad they have found each other even if that makes me the awkward third wheel.
As if the headmaster knows, the passageway opens for me.
“Harry my boy, what brings you here. Reconsidered my proposition to work here?” He says jovially.
“Not really sir. I was hoping you could tell me about the person Severus Snape.”
“My. I haven’t heard that name in quite some time. Tell me. How is it that you’ve come to learn this name?” I hadn’t thought of a good lie and I cannot tell him the truth. I really don’t want him to know that I’ve been going to a…
“I would rather not say sir.” He nods not pressing for more information.
“Severus Snape was once a student here the same time as both your mother and father. He was sorted into Slytherin, and though he wasn’t necessarily a bad child- he was a very unfortunate one. In fact, most of his existence is very complicated. Harry my boy, Severus Snape was a child that made many mistakes, and struggled to redeem himself. But some mistakes cannot be forgiven. Either by the ones who were wronged or by the person himself.”
“Please. Tell me more.” I can’t impress on him how much I need to know this.
“Severus Snape is both the man mostly responsible for your parent’s death as well as the key to how the war was ended so many years ago. As a student he joined Voldemort. I do not know his reason, but for a time he was loyal to the mark. He learned of a prophecy and passed the knowledge onto his master. That prophecy is what made Voldemort seek out your parents and kill them. Severus Snape always held a fondness for your mother though and didn’t realize the prophecy was about them. He came to me and begged me to save her. He pledged himself to me and began working as a spy. Before your parents died, he managed to obtain he location of several Horcruxes- the embodiment of fractures of Voldemort’s soul. They would all need to be destroyed in order for Voldemort to die. When he went to kill your parents, he was already very weakened. It was that final mistake and your mother’s love that killed him for good.”
“Then… Severus Snape redeemed himself?”
“Harry my boy, there is no redemption in war. Many died because of his involvement and many lived because of it. At my word, he was kept from Azkaban, but his magic was stripped from him basically reducing him to a squib. No one in the magical word would hire a once death eater regardless of the circumstances. Hogwarts is a great school. The finest in the magical world I would say, but it is still a magical school. For magic folk that plan to live and work in the magical world it can be an asset. For someone unable to find a profession in the magical world- it would appear to muggle folk that the person has no education. Not even basic education. I imagine it would be just as difficult to find a job in the muggle world.”
“I guess it would.”
“I did not personally know Severus Snape well. That is really all I can say about the person. If your curiosity isn’t satisfied then perhaps talk to Professor Slunghorn. He was the boy’s head of house all those years ago.”
“Thank you, headmaster. I will.”
I’m not really satisfied after my talk with Dumbledore. Severus Snape is a flawed man who made mistakes. He is one of the reasons why my parents are dead, and one of the reasons why Voldemort is dead. It’s a complicated situation.
Deep in the dungeons, it’s not difficult to find Professor Slughorn in his office. He spends most of his time here. As far as teachers go, he was average.
“Harry, what do I owe the pleasure?” Just like Dumbledore, he’s outwardly very nice.
“I was hoping you could tell me a little about a student you use to have.” His eyebrows furrow but slowly he nods.
“I will tell you what I can of course. Anything for one of my favorite students.”
“Can you tell me about Severus Snape?” This clearly isn’t a name he’s unfamiliar with, but he does seem shocked that this is who I’m asking about.
“Yes, he was in my house. Not really the nicest student- a bit reserved too. Textbook as far as not playing well with others. Hated having a partner in potions. I pretty well let him work alone because it didn’t help whoever his partner was anyway. The boy was a prodigy with potions, and whoever worked with him always got an easy grade. That old potions text book I lent you a few years back belonged to him. He marked it up good with all his notes. Anyone with it would pass.”
“Is that why you gave it to me?”
“Oh, couldn’t let my star pupil struggle.” He smiles and I’m sure he means it in a nice way, but I can read between the lines. I’ve always been shown favoritism. And he doesn’t think I would have been able to do well without the extra help. “All heads of house make it a point to learn as much about their students as possible and I did the same with Mr. Snape. Now Harry I’m sure you understand that typically any information about the students is confidential, but since it’s you, bending the rules should be acceptable. After all he hasn’t been a student in many years. Now, as I recall, he came from a very poor family. He always had second hand books, robes, everything really. I never was able to determine how he was able to even afford that much. From what I saw his parents had little to do with him. He never went home for any of the holidays unless he had too. Naturally there were rumors. Once there was a rumor that he would do certain sexual acts with anyone for a galleon.” Slughorn shakes his head.
“Was that rumor true?”
“Surely not. Many rumors about Mr. Snape circulated- he wasn’t well liked, but the idea of him engaging in any level of prostitution is absurd.”
“How so, if he really needed the money then… maybe he would.” The old man’s face twists unpleasantly for a moment.
“Harry my boy, don’t think I’m awful for saying this but he was always a bit homely looking. He was all together unkempt. I’m not saying that he wouldn’t be desperate enough, but no one with eyes would actually pay him for intimacy.” I try to not get angry on Severus’s behalf. I try to not let on how deep of a hole I’ve already dug myself into. Or how protective I feel of the man I’ve been buying for half a year. “I fully suspected that he was from an abusive home, but unless a student confides in me, I cannot do anything. I doubt he’s even still alive. I believe he took the dark mark as a student, and though he survived the war, he hasn’t been seen in more than a decade. Of course, no one has really looked for him either. He’s not been missed.”
“Why do you think he wouldn’t be alive?” He tilts his head to the side.
“Between you and me, he got caught cutting himself sometime before graduation. Your mother found him nearly dead. She was always looking out for him, and then suddenly she wasn’t. They had had some sort of falling out. He was sent to the medical wing and put under surveillance, but the school tried to keep what had happened quiet for his sake. I don’t think a boy as unstable as that is likely to grow up to be a man.” I feel sick hearing his words. I’ve known for a while how depressing the man could be, but I feel like I opened up pandora’s box. “His family seemed to have no interest in him, after the falling out with your mother, he had no friends. He’s a man who has nothing and has no one. A pitiful fellow.”
“Thank you for your time professor.”
“Leaving already?”
“Yes, I’m afraid I have some place I’ve remembered I need to be.”
I normally wait a week between visits, but it’s only been three days. It’s quite a distance from Hogwarts to the brothel, but I feel like I need to see him now. The owner at the front smiles professionally at me, but even he realizes I’m coming on an unusual day.
“Always happy to see a regular sir, but I’m afraid since we were not expecting you then your regular choice is currently seeing to a different customer. There is still about ten minutes remaining for his time, but number 394 will need additional time between sessions, unless there is another number you would like to choose, then I’m afraid you will have to wait quite a while.”
“I would really like to see my regular choice as soon as possible. Could I see him as soon as his current client is finished?” The owner grimaces.
“Some of number 394’s clients are not as gentle with him as you are. I cannot assure you that minimal or major damage hasn’t been done. It is customary for one of our front of house workers or myself to see to his well being before he tends to another customer. As he may need minor medical treatment, it could be very unsettling for customers to see him in disarray.”
“Sir, I would like to see him as soon as I can.” The owner nods.
“This isn’t something we share with just any client. Workers here often have no place else to go and they hope to leave their identity and past behind. For their work, we offer room and board and depending on the cost of their services, a modest pay. For many of them, this is the only home they have ever really had, and if they have made a decision to separate themselves from their past, we allow that. In many ways, we look out for one another here. If a client is particularly destructive then word is sent out and they are not allowed to return. Likewise. Some of the workers here…” The owner pauses to regather his thoughts. “They have favorites. Ones that are allowed special privileges. We keep the knowledge of that hush hush so that other clients do not feel that they are being given a worse deal. Number 394 shows favoritism to you and has canceled other regular patrons so that your regular designated time is always free. He will not take any appointment at that time. He also will not take any appointment before yours on your regular day. I suspect his reasoning for this, but it is not my place to speak my suspicions. It is customary that each worker be given at least an hour between clients so that they can clean themselves of any residual residue, change the bedding, and seek medical attention if there is a need. With every client other than yourself, there is always a need.”
A large man contently walks out of what I know to be Severus’s room. He’s a round older man with a cocky grin. I notice the restrained glare that the owner sends after the leaving form.
“If you will give me thirty minutes with number 394, then he will be ready enough for you.”
“Can I see him now. I’ll pay for the time, but I just want to talk.” The owner sizes me up.
“He did say you were the meddlesome sort. Fine enough. I could use your help. If after we patch him up he says he’s unwilling to see you, then you will leave.” It feels strange following after the man.
The first thing I see when I enter the room is blood. Severus is bound tightly to the bed frame. His wrists look raw. A sounding rod is jammed in his urethra and whelps travel from his chest downward. He’s blindfolded and gaged. The rising and falling of his chest gives me some level of calm.
“Number 394. Your client has left satisfied.” He ungags him first.
“Sick fucker. Make sure he doesn’t buy anyone else. He’s big into the power trips.”
“Should I blacklist him?”
“No more than any of my other clients. I think he did a number on my ass.” He laughs mockingly. “The fucker had the smallest dick I’ve ever saw. Seemed real sensitive about it. Probably why he made it a point to stretch me out so much with toys.” His legs are set free first and he hisses from discomfort when his legs are allowed to stretch out. “I’m actually impressed he managed to rip me. Can’t remember the last time that happened.”
“You have another client after this.”
“Can’t these sick fucks wait until I’ve at least cleaned the cum out first.”
“It’s your regular.”
“Which one?” He asks. I set to work unbinding one of his arms. He notices the extra set of hands freeing him.
“Your favorite.” The owner says. With one of his hands free, the blindfold is yanked off and dark empty eyes stare into me.
“I’ve got it from here Boss. No more appointments for the rest of the day.”
“If you need assistance then please ask.” The owner says to Severus before nodding to me and then leaving.
“You came again.” He says emotionlessly.
“I’m sorry. I know you said you didn’t want me to come back.”
“I never said such a thing.” He says monotone.
“Yes, you did. You said that if you told me your name then not to come back.”
“No, I said I didn’t expect to see you back. I’m sure by now you’ve done your research. So why are you back. Pity? Revenge?”
“No. Nothing like that.” He grasps himself firmly and slowly removes the rod. On shaky legs he stands and pridefully walks into the bathroom. He looks at me over his shoulder and cockily smiles.
“I have to fix my ass. If you expect me to spill my woes on your shoulder then you’ve come to the wrong place, but feel free to follow me if you wish to continue the conversation.” Lacking any modesty at all, he leaves the door open and I’m actually ashamed at myself for following.
He’s already leaning up against a wall. A pot of some substance is on the counter next to him. He dips a single digit in and takes a generous amount.
“Do you always have customers like him?”
“Fat old guys with puny dicks choose me a lot.” He’s massaging the substance into him and occasionally he winces.
“Do you need some help?”
“None at all. And don’t read into what the boss says. The only reason you are my favorite is because I’m paid an hour by someone who only needs fifteen.” He snorts. “On a good day.” I ignore the jab. Maybe it should bother me, but It really doesn’t. I mimic his actions and take a generous amount of the gel like substance on one finger and begin prodding the abused hole. He doesn’t say anything while I do this. There is a decent amount of blood and it bothers me.
I knew he had this sort of customer, but I never expected to see the aftermath.
“I asked Dumbledore and Slughorn about you.”
“You don’t need to tell me that. I neither want to know or care what they had to say about me. I’m sure they got a good shock when you told them that I’m nothing more than a common used up whore for hire.”
“I didn’t tell them anything about you or where you are.” The tension in his shoulders ease but I’m not sure if it’s out of relief at them not knowing or relief that the pain is subsiding.
“I can’t believe Slughorn is still a teacher. He was shit when I was a student. Hell, even I would make a better teacher than him.” He winces again. Both of his palms are flat against the wall and I try to be gentle.
“Am I hurting you?” I ask. Instead of answering though he changes the subject.
“I’m sure Albus told you how I’m the reason your parents are dead. Now that you know, just leave me alone. Or take your revenge and be done with it.”
“I already told you, I don’t want any revenge. You didn’t know that my parents would be the one targeted.”
“And what does that matter. I knew someone would die because of the information I passed on. The fact that I didn’t know it was Lily doesn’t matter. Someone was going to die because of me. And I knew that. If I knew it was going to be Lily then I wouldn’t have passed the information along, but anyone else I was willing to let die. Don’t try to justify my actions boy.”
“Why did you join then.”
“I don’t have to tell you that.” He winces again, but this time I don’t slow down. If he wants to pretend he’s not hurting then fine.
“No, you don’t have to tell me. Just like you didn’t have to tell me your name. I would like to know though.”
“If I tell you, then I don’t expect to see you here again.” And the words make so much more sense than last time. Of course he’s ashamed of the choices he’s made. And it’s clear he doesn’t want me to think less of him.
“You’ve never pulled your punches before. You’ve insulted me, my ability to have sex, and pretty well everything else and that hasn’t chased me away. I just want to know. Don’t read any further into that.”
“I didn’t really have other choices.” He says evenly. “I know that prostitution is morally corrupt. But when it’s the means that allowed you to eat as a child, that suddenly doesn’t matter. My mother would bring home men. She didn’t have the ability to get a job in the muggle world and she had fallen in love with my muggle father. When he found out that my mother and I weren’t normal. That we were magic. He became very different. He started drinking more. Money towards food and bills went towards the bar. My mother loved him. She wouldn’t just take me and leave so she did the only thing she could think of to survive. I think my mother hated me. It was because I showed signs of magic that my father found out. If I hadn’t been born then the kind man that my father was wouldn’t have changed.”
“Severus.”
“Don’t use my name.” His voice is loud and commanding. I withdraw my fingers and he steps into the shower. He doesn’t bother pulling the curtain for privacy and instead just turns the hot water on. Steam is already filling the room. “I got accepted into Hogwarts. But books and robes and everything else is so expensive. My mother couldn’t afford that. Not all of it. I bought second hand everything just trying to lessen the burden. And then I started making money myself. Not enough to cover everything, but enough to make it easier. I started having a few regulars myself. Nothing idealistic or romantic in any stretch of the imagination. I was fucked before I had ever so much as been kissed. Every day became sordid torture. I was cheap back then too. I developed something of a reputation.”
A strawberry scent fills the room and I realize it’s his shampoo. Long fingers are massaging his scalp and water is washing away all scent of others. He’s not even looking at me. The way a droplet of water cascades down his chest and to his navel makes my mouth dry. Dark eyes cut to me and I’m held by those empty orbs.
“A few students in the death eater inner circles found out and more or less blackmailed me. Being found out of such actions, I would be expelled from school- regardless of my reasons. Naturally the students who bought me would receive no punishment being from wealthy families. The sort that donated quite a bit of money to the school.” He bitterly laughs. “Oh the headmaster was willing to bend rules and so was Slughorn- for their favorites. But a poor difficult student like me was far from a favorite. I didn’t want to join. I didn’t want to be expelled. I didn’t want to go home and see my mother look at me with contempt because I stupidly tried to help only to make everything worse. I would have been more of a burden to her. No way of ever getting a job. No way of ever freeing her of the shame of having a son like me.” He laughs again.
“Severus.”
But this time he ignores his name.
“So, I tried to kill myself. You can imagine I didn’t succeed. Lily saved me. Or condemned me to this more like. She made me promise and swear that I would never do something like that again. I can’t stand to break a promise with her. I told her ‘a filthy mudblood like you couldn’t possibly understand.’ And sure enough, that chased her away. It wasn’t the first time I called her that. Still. I didn’t try to kill myself again. And because I couldn’t see any other option. I joined the death eaters. They would turn a blind eye to me whoreing myself out and I would occasionally have to brew potions for them or obtain a bit of information. I never directly killed anyone, but I helped out indirectly plenty.” He steps out of the shower and a puddle is forming under him. “Is your curiosity settled now? Now that you know all the fun details can I go back to my life.” He walks nude to the bed and begins removing the soiled sheets. He says nothing when I help. On a table near the door is some fruit and he stops for a minute to peel a banana. “You couldn’t imagine the leg cramps from those restraints. I feel like I can never eat enough potassium.”
With fresh sheets on the bed, he falls back on it and exhales loudly. When I sit on the edge, he cuts his eyes to me.
“Still here?”
“I don’t blame you.” Is all I say. It’s complicated. All of it is complicated. He may not have meant for my parents to die, but they did. And it was to a certain degree his fault. I’m not angry though. I’ve always wished I had parents. I’ve always wished that I knew my own, but I don’t. I don’t know them any better than strangers. I only know the stories I have been told about them. Still, I’m telling him the truth. I don’t blame him. Maybe I should, but I don’t.
“Look, I’m tired of talking. I’m tired of you coming around and dragging up things that have died a long time ago. So unless you are planning to buy me, get out.”
“Then I’ll buy you.” He exhales in a displeased fashion.
“I don’t see how you could possibly get it up after you saw all that with my last client.”
“I said I would buy you, that doesn’t mean I’m going to have sex with you. You said yourself. The only reason I’m your favorite is because I pay you for basically doing nothing.” He rolls his eyes before grabbing a cigarette from the bed side table.
“I’m still counting the time.” He says dismissively. “Three-thousand six-hundred. That’s how many seconds are in an hour. For the worse clients I count down the seconds.” He hums to himself. “It got me through the worse of it when I was starting out.”
“I thought you said you were tired of talking.”
“Oh I am. But if you are going to make me suffer through your presence then I’ll do my best to make the conversation so grotesquely uncomfortable that you will not want to stay.”
“Is it really a good idea to tell me your plan.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He flicks the ashes of the cigarette. “Your dad was one of my customers. Not really the worse if I were being honest, but certainly not a good one.”
“My dad…”
“Oh don’t worry, your dad wasn’t gay. Hell he made sure I knew how much he hated fags. He probably would be ashamed to have a son like you. Hope you don’t mind crossing swords. No, James Potter wasn’t gay, he just liked knowing I couldn’t get pregnant and unlike a girl- he could have me whenever he wanted. I wasn’t aloud to talk, or make any noises at all because that would remind him that I was a guy. Getting off was strictly not aloud. He was paying me so he could get off, not so I could. He made sure to tell me that often. He made me bleed often. I could never be sure when he would pay me, so I was never able to prepare myself beforehand. And he certainly was not going to wait for a whore to ready themselves. Between classes he would pull me into broom closets or anywhere remotely private. He’d slam in without even warning me. Or asking. Because what’s the point in asking a whore for consent.” His eyes are closed as if he’s reliving it all right now.
“I’m sorry he did that to you.” His eyes snap open and the look of fragility is replaced with unbridled anger.
“Do you think I want your apologizes. Don’t flatter yourself.”
“I’m not my dad.” I look away from him. All the times I left him unsatisfied and he looked completely unbothered… because that’s normal for him. He sighs loudly and settles back down on the bed.
“Stop wasting your time and money on me. Your rich, gentle, attractive, and hung like a fucking horse. Anyone would throw themselves at your feet. Find that person and have sex with them.” I don’t like when he talks like this. It’s actually a little scary. I think I prefer his biting jabs to the indifferent sincerity.
“Ha, but once they found out how bad of a lay I am, they would turn tail and run.”
“You aren’t that bad.” He says with his eyes closed. He looks so tired. So worn down.
“Except for all the lame vanilla sex?” I ask laughing. Trying to keep the conversation lite.
“There’s nothing wrong with vanilla sex.” He says quietly. “It’s nice sometimes to be taken like you are something special.”
“If you don’t like being treated roughly, then why allow those customers.”
“Harry.” He opens his eyes. They are like liquid fire. He’s never said my name before and I didn’t know the sound of my own name could make my body respond this way. “I’m pushing forty, and was never all that attractive looking in the first place. No one would choose me over anyone except for the fact that I’m cheap and disposable.”
“I don’t think you’re disposable.”
“That’s because you’re a Gryffindor. Bounded by honor and all that whimsical bullshit.” He takes another puff of the stick between his lips. “It’s an infection that most of you seem to have.”
“And you are a cynical untrusting Slytherin.” He laughs bitterly.
“Even fellow students from my own house were looking to get an upper hand on me. No one can trust anyone.”
“You can trust me.”
“I’d sooner let the dark lord’s corpse have a go at my ass- and trust me necrophilia isn’t my thing. But neither is most of the other shit I let get done to me.” He lights a cigarette. Taking a long puff, he blows the smoke in my face.
“You just finished a cigarette.”
“Yes. And I want another.” He takes another long puff and I hold my breath when he blows the smoke towards me. He raises an eyebrow. “What’s it to you?”
“It’s just really unhealthy to smoke so much.”
“You’re not my mom.” He laughs bitterly. “Although if you were, I guess you wouldn’t really care. Let me have one of the few things I actually enjoy, won’t you?”
“Severus.”
“Stop using my name. Here, I’m number 394.”
“Well, I prefer the name Severus.” Angry dark eyes stab daggers into all my vital points. He takes a puff of his cigarette and in one motion puts it out on his skin. I wince at the smell of burning flesh.
“And I prefer number 394. Why are you still here?”
“I don’t know.” He rolls his eyes.
“Just because the world worships you, doesn’t mean I do. You aren’t some hero. You didn’t do anything to deserve the praise you are given.”
“I know, but you deserve praise.” He scoffs at me.
“I’m talking about Lily. It was her love for you that killed Voldemort. Don’t try to make a villain into a hero.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“Then you are a damn fool.”
“No, I just understand that mistakes happen.” His cynical dark eyes stab me.
“Leave here. I don’t wish for you to come back again.”
“Yes you do.” The eyes only become narrower.
“No, Potter, I do not. Your very presence disrupts the life I’ve created. It may not be a grand one, but damn it, it’s mine.”
“Well, I don’t want to leave. I’m a touch fond of you.”
“I will not have you mock me!” His face remains as blank as always, but there is an edge of panic in his voice, and I feel like I understand something unspoken.
He’s afraid of me. He’s afraid of this situation. He’s afraid to be in a situation out of his control and yet that is his entire life.
“Severus.”
“That isn’t my name anymore!” I take his hand in mine and even though he tried to yank it free, I hold him tighter.
“Number 394.” He calms, but doesn’t drop his guard. “Do you really wish for me to leave and never come back.”
“Yes.” He says instantly. I can’t tell if he’s lying or not.
“If that is what you want, then I will under one condition. Whatever time I have left of our hour, I’m allowed to do anything to you that I desire, and if I can’t make you cum in that hour, then I will never come back.” He has a cocky smirk on his face.
“Do you really think you have a single chance of that.” I don’t say anything. “You aren’t allowed to touch my penis. Even I would cum if you focused there.” I nod showing that I agree. “You have forty minutes, and I will be counting.”
Lacking any modesty, he turns and lays on his stomach. His legs are spread wide for me. I’m thankful that there isn’t any blood like there was earlier. I don’t ever want him to be like that again.
“Severus.”
“Not that again.”
“Part of our deal is that I can do anything I like, and I choose to use your real name.” He seems to just ignore me and close his eyes.
I start at his feet. I often was made to rub my uncle’s feet and I became quite good at it over the years. I apply enough pressure to work out the sore spots, but not enough to cause him pain.
“What are you doing?”
“Whatever I want.” I keep rubbing his feet until I’m satisfied. Then I carefully work up his legs. He spasms when I begin squeezing and rubbing his tender legs. With all the positions he’s forced into, I’m not surprised that he’s tense. He’s mentally prepared for me to enter him, but I don’t. Instead I work on his lower back. His body seems to deflate with added pressure. I’m sure he’s never had anyone care enough to massage him.
Now his upper back. I’m using up quite a bit of my time, and that thought is confirmed when his voice cuts through the silence.
“You are down to twenty minutes.”
“That’s fine. I’m about to prepare you.”
“That isn’t necessarily Potter.”
“It’s what I want to do though. Try to relax for me if you can. I promise I’ll be as gentle as I can.”
“None of that matters. You know that my body is fully equipped to take…”
“Shh.” I hush him. “I promise I’ll be as gentle as I can. If something hurts please tell me and I’ll stop.” I use my thumbs to separate his pale cheeks and I get a good look at his pink puckered hole. I’ve never taken the time before. I just didn’t know if I could do something right. I didn’t want to be a nuisance. “I’m sorry that it took me so long to find you.”
“I don’t know what you… ahhh! Oh Merlin! What are you doing?!” I press my tongue in deeper and he cries out again. “That’s dirty and unsanitary. Do you know how many times I’ve been fucked? Do you know how… how… uhhh!”
“This is the first time I’ve ever heard you moan.”
“I’m paid to have sex. I’m not paid to enjoy it.” He says panting.
“Well right now, you are being paid to lay there all pretty and moan for me.” When I flip him on his back, I’m pleased to see that he’s at least aroused. Good. “Severus, may I have you now?”
“Why are you asking.” He says covering his eyes with his left arm. I take the hand in my own and kiss the tattooed skin. He only looks at me with shame.
“Because everyone deserves to be able to give their consent.”
“Fine, just do it.” He says looking away from me. I kiss his palm and while looking him directly in the eyes, I sheath myself inside him. His jaw is tight and I’m not sure if it’s because of pain or pleasure. Or both.
“Severus.” His teeth are clinched. Eyes tightly shut. “Severus.” I say again. I can hear him quietly muttering the seconds. I groan enjoying his heat, but I lean down beside his ear and whisper gently. “Do you want me to stop?” His eyes jerk open and I love how expressive they are. “I will.” I say.
He shakes his head.
“I’ve never had to ask someone to stop.” I smile at him.
“Maybe that’s the problem.” His eyes narrow at me and in one motion I’m thrown off of him.
“Potter, I am more than capable of protecting myself. Rest assured. If I wanted you to stop, then you would be unable to continue.” He squeezes my erection and smirks at me. “Don’t be so cocky brat. I don’t need some knight trying to save me. I don’t need to be treated gently. And I sure as fuck don’t want it.”
Long deft fingers push into my chest and he straddles me. In one motion he impales himself and it’s all I can do to not cum immediately. He’s never taken the lead. His back arches and my body shivers when he sighs. His legs are spread widely apart as he rocks back against me. His delicious pale skin stretches from the movement and his dark eyes are half lidded. Dusty pink nipples are hard and tempting.
Focus. Don’t cum yet. I want him to feel good. Hold off.
“Ohhh.” He groans throatily. He smirks at me in a playfully cocky manner. He stares directly at me and licks his lips in a seductive way. “It’s been awhile since sex has felt this good.”
“That’s ahh! Not fair!” My voice doesn’t even sound like my own.
“And once again, you came prematurely.” His voice sounds condescending. When a muted whimper and a pop, he pulls away from me and I already miss his heat. “It looks like I win Potter.”
“I still have time.” I insist.
“You have three minutes.” Severus shakes his head. “Just give up Potter. I’ve been desensitized to pleasure and pain for years.”
“I’m sorry.” He quirks an eyebrow. “You’re right though, I’m not going to be able to win.” When I slide in between his legs he looks at me with even more confusion.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m not going to win, but I’m still going to make you cum.”
“I don’t need that.”
“Yes you do.” He flinches when I grab his erection.
“Really, Potter… That isn’t… I don’t…”
“Severus. It’s okay.” He actually screams when I take him into my mouth.
“Potter! No! No!” It only takes one half hearted suck and he’s screaming his release. I try to swallow as much as I can. His cheeks are bight red. He opens his mouth then promptly shuts it. I know by now the three minutes are up, but he’s not dismissing me. He’s not even commenting on the time. He’s also not looking at me. “No one has ever…” He’s struggling to find the words. “The only time my penis is ever touched is for something painful. Never to make me feel good. I’ve had to suck so many men off, but no one ever has to me. I won. I had already won. There was no point in making me cum. I don’t understand.”
“I just wanted you to feel good Severus. I… I really care about you.” I try to smile but instead I’m crying. “I’m glad I was able to make you feel good even if that means that my time with you is over, but a deal is a deal.” He pulls his knees up to his chest and he just looks so small.
“Harry.” The use of my first name makes me flinch. “This isn’t the impure life you should fall into. I have no where to go and nothing that I can achieve. I’m a stranger to the muggle world and an enemy to the magical. I wasn’t happy, but I was content in the life I’ve had to live. I’m surviving without someone coming and meddling in my happiness.” I nod understandingly.
“Severus. I have no family, and I started seeing you often not because of sex but because I was lonely. I wanted to spend time with someone who wouldn’t lie to me because I’m the boy who lived. Someone that has nothing to gain from knowing me. And I became fond of you. Severus, I fell in love with you. I’m sorry if that’s inconvenient for you, but I just can’t help it.” I kiss his hand and smile at him. “I’ll leave you now Severus.”
He doesn’t stop me. The boss looks at me when I come out of the room.
“Would you like to schedule your next appointment.”
“Actually. I would like to pay for many appointments upfront.” He looks at me in confusion but nods.
“Yes sir, How many would you like to pay for.”
“I would like to pay for him for the next year.” Again the boss looks confused.
“You would like to buy him for the next year?”
“Yes.”
“That is very different. We have had clients buy their choice for a full day, but never a full year.”
“I know that he works here and his room and board are covered. I only wish to eliminate his need for working.” The boss smiles and nods in understanding.
“Number 394 is a unique worker. I will see you at your usual time tomorrow.”
“Actually, you will not. I will not be coming here anymore. Within a year, I will be sending another payment to once again buy him for a full year.” The man’s jaw drops. “And I will continue to do this for the remainder of Number 394’s life. I will pay more if you give me your word that he will not see any customer at all. I will gladly pay more than his usual price.” The boss looks to Severus’s door.
“Naturally sir.” He nods to me, I give him the money and take my leave.
The next week is torture. I hurt so much that I ache, both from sexual need and loneliness. I don’t have ay desire to touch myself. Or eat. I basically haven’t left my home.
An incessant knock on forces me to get up. It is probably Ron or Hermione wondering why I’ve been missing for so long. But then again. They are off having their family.
I’m more surprised to see a man in a dark hood carrying a small bag. He walks inside uninvited and it’s such a bold action that I don’t know what to say.
The hood comes off and angry piercing eyes glare into me.
“Potter, how deranged is your brain.”
“Severus.” He rolls his eyes.
“Did you think you were doing an act of good will? I do not need your pity.”
“It isn’t pity. I just.. didn’t know what else to do.”
“Well, you have to take responsibility. I refuse to take your charity. At least prostitution was a way for me to earn my keep, but you even took that away.” He crosses his arms. “I’ll be living here. You stubbornly bought me and seemed determine to buy me for the rest of my life. I’m at least going to earn my keep. I can cook, clean, warm your bed. My abilities do not go past that, but I can do that much.” The confidence wavers for a moment. “If you even want me here.”
“I don’t want a slave Severus.”
“That’s all I know how to be Harry.”
“How about instead we be… Lovers.” He smirks at me.
“Lovers aren’t much different than slaves.” Severus says. “You fell in love with me after spending so much time with me.” He says absentmindedly. “Love is a frightful thing.” He says to himself.
“I don’t want to force you to live with me.”
“Nonsense, it’s normal for lovers to live together. I suppose I could love worse.”
“When…” He looks at me. I clear my throat and force confidence into it. “When did you fall in love with me?” I ask. He smiles a small almost shy smile and I honestly don’t know what to think.
“It took under an hour.” He smiles a bit wider. “But I’m paid to have sex, I’m not paid to fall in love.” The words don’t sound bitter though.
“That soon. You loved me that soon, but why?”
“It’s not everyday someone looks at me like I’m something special. It’s not everyday that some cares about me. Before I could stop myself I was already waiting for you to come back. I had no where to go though. It was the closest thing to a home I ever had.” He tilts his head. “But maybe this can be my home… if you would like.”
“Severus all I’ve ever wanted was a family. This house has always been to big for just me.” He smiles relieved.
“Then let’s go make a bigger family in your bed. Now that we will be living together, maybe you can work on making me cum, but you may have to buy an extension.”
“How about the rest of our lives.” He smirks.
“That may be enough time Potter. Only one way to find out.”