Chapter Text
He thought that after all these years, it would be easier. But here they stood, less than a few feet apart on this rooftop bathed in the soft glow of a giant moon, eyes trained on each other without words.
“I love you, Ladybug. I always have - you know that.” The words were thick, heavy, trying to choke him, barely more than a whisper. A flash of pain passed through her eyes before she couldn’t return his gaze anymore, instead choosing to stare at the ground between them.
“Chat, I-” Emotion cut her off, and she turned away, hand on her yo-yo, ready to run. His hand on her wrist stopped her.
“I know you love me.” It wasn’t an accusation or boastfulness, it was the truth. They both knew it, even if it had never been said. “Please stop running away from me.” Her shoulders hunched as she tried to curl into herself, hiding. She didn’t move other than that slight change and, for one moment, hope filled him. Maybe this time. Maybe she would listen. Maybe she’d let herself believe. The words tumbled unbidden, unfiltered, unrestrained.
“My heart belongs to you, Milady. I will never love anyone else - only you. It’s like destiny put us together. You literally fell out of the sky into my life and I’ve loved you ever since. I need you. Say yes to me, please. I know you are scared of what will happen if we tell each other, but - I promise, not even Hawkmoth would ever be able to tear me from you. I love you too much for that. Please.”
The small sob that bubbled through her lips stopped his rambled declaration, the curl of her shoulders shaking slightly as she hung her head, turning away from him. He’d pushed too hard. With careful fingers, he dropped his hold on her wrist, letting her free, knowing she’d escape.
Her fingers flexed slightly against her yo-yo.
His heart felt like maybe it would just shatter right then, hope dying into ash as he stepped back in silence. He didn’t regret a word he had said. He only felt disappointed that she would never accept him. As if, like always, he wasn’t good enough. Tears pricked at his eyes as he watched her, wishing he could read her mind.
“I’m sorry.” The whispered words had barely left him when she spun around to look at him, blue eyes wide and wild, a fire of frustration and anger burning in them. Two steps to him and she was there, so close he could feel the heat of her body near his. Her fists were clenched tightly, as if she was prepared to fight - whether him or herself, he couldn’t decide as she glared up at him. Moonlight drenched her features in an ethereal light, causing him to breathe in sharply at how beautiful she looked - his angel lady with a spotted red mask.
Trying to control his reaction, he waited as she stood there. At least she wasn’t running like she always did.
“You think this is so easy?” she finally said, her voice strained and hollow. “You think I don’t want to love you? I do, Chat. I love you. Ok? I love you! But I -” The fire faded and her eyes misted over. His arms wanted to grab her, hold her, keep her, but he didn’t dare, forcing himself to stay still, to remember to breathe as she struggled to find the words.
“Chat, we can’t. Even if I wanted to. Our lives as superheroes makes it impossible. We can’t know each other’s identity - you know that. It’s too dangerous. You don’t understand the pressure I have on me as Ladybug. I can’t - I won’t - I -” She rested her forehead against his chest, fists pushing against him slightly as she wrestled with herself. “And, Chat, out of this suit…. I’m not Ladybug. I’m a clumsy, impulsive, panic-prone mess. If you knew me like that, you wouldn’t love me. You probably wouldn’t even see me.”
Against him, she shuddered as she sobbed quietly. He stayed frozen, processing it all. She was wrong. So wrong. He knew it. If she could trust him with her life, he would love all of her.
Her arms slipped around his waist, grasping onto him as if he was the anchor keeping her from being torn away in a storm of emotions. Slowly, he let his arms wrap around her, pulling her as close to him as he could and rested his cheek in her hair.
“All I want is to be with you.” Her whisper was so faint he almost didn’t hear her. His heart froze, stuttering to a stop. “But it’s impossible.”
“Then let’s make it possible,” he pleaded softly. “We are in charge of ourselves, no one else. We decide.”
She was silent for a moment, pressed against him.
“No, Chat. I’m not the one meant for you.”
Violently, she pulled away, breaking out from his hold and spinning on her heels, fingers grasping at the weapon on her hip. He didn’t even have a chance to react before she breathed an apology, a quick flick of her hand sending her flying to the next rooftop.
He called her name, reaching after her, brain slow and heart broken into a thousand pieces.
He was wrong. After all these years, it was worse.