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"Can I come over? I'm scared."
Every now and then Jihoon shows up on Woojin's doorstep, all small and vulnerable, making Woojin's heart ache. He'd let the boy in, wrap him up in his arms and hold him. He used to ask him, what's wrong, what's scaring you, but Jihoon never answers. He doesn't ask anymore.
Jihoon will stay the night, sleepless and melancholic, and Woojin will have a morning lecture he doesn't tell him about, and they will listen to each other's soft breaths as the sun replaces the moon behind Woojin's window.
He will leave with quiet thank yous and sorrys, holding Woojin's hand tightly before letting go. He goes home and returns with the version of himself that has everyone else thinking that Park Jihoon is not broken.
Maybe the past Woojin, young and naive, would've felt happy, proud that he's the one seeing this hidden side of him, but the present him is sick with worry. Every morning, when he watches Jihoon walk away, he vows to himself, next time, he'll ask and ask until Jihoon talks, because if this is a relationship shouldn't Jihoon trust him?
But every time Jihoon shows up on his doorstep, all small and vulnerable, the words get stuck in Woojin's throat, swallowed by insecurity and self-doubt.
*
This morning is different.
Jihoon falls asleep midway through the night, hand clutching Woojin's shirt. Woojin runs his hands through Jihoon's hair, slowly, gently. Coffee is good enough replacement for one night's sleep, especially if the price is Jihoon getting some rest. Woojin thinks of them, of Jihoon, when this turned from one-time thing to more or less regular occasions. Most of the time Jihoon is fine, smiling, working, living, but then he falls apart and he won't talk to Woojin or anyone else and-
A body presses itself onto Woojin's back, hands sneaking around his waist, flipping the eggs Woojin totally forgot on the pan while getting lost in his thoughts.
"I'm sorry." Jihoon says before Woojin has the time to say anything. He opens his mouth to protest, tell Jihoon he has nothing to apologize for, but Jihoon interrupts him.
"Really, I. Haven't been fair to you. I'm sorry." he buries his face into Woojin's neck, and Woojin sighs.
"I just wish you'd just talk to me." It's all he's wanted, for a long time.
"I know. I know." Jihoon loosens his hold so Woojin can turn around in his arm after plating their eggs. He licks his lips, opens his mouth, then closes it. Woojin lets him gather his thoughts, stroking his shoulder from where he wrapped his arms around him.
"I know what I've been doing isn't okay, and I wanted to tell you, from the beginning, but I didn't know how. Still don't really know. I don't really know what to tell you, but you deserve to know it all, and I want you to know it all, so. I will. I just need to find the words."
The words make Woojin's head spin, worry gnawing away inside him. "Okay."
They set the table and begin eating the breakfast. Jihoon pushes his food around the plate. "I don't know where to start." he confesses. Woojin reaches across the table to take his hand.
"From the beginning?" Jihoon gives a half-forced twitch of the corner of his mouth. "How about the first time you came over?" They both know Woojin means the time when Jihoon called him, voice quiet and thin, confessing his fear and asking if he could come over. Woojin had more or less sprinted to meet Jihoon half-way, concern and worry painting his face in their colours.
"Sometimes I get so angry I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm being suffocated, by the worlds expectations and my self-hatred, and I. Don't really sleep anymore." Woojin remembers that. When the dark circles under Jihoon's beautiful, bright eyes become permanent, when coffee and naps became his new best friends and sleepless nights his normal. Jihoon never told him about it, but he didn't have to. He saw it all happen.
"I didn't want to tell you, because I knew you'd make me go to the doctor's. And I knew there's no way I can make you understand why I can't, I won't."
"Try."
Jihoon raises his gaze from the patterns of the wooden table, to meet Woojin's open and caring eyes. Jihoon swallows back his tears.
"What can they do for me? Tell me to meditate and take some pills? How do I tell anyone meditating makes me so angry I get violent and sleeping pills give me a way to do what I want during my worst hours? How do I tell you I come over so I don't overdose on some random pills or take a knife and-" Woojin cuts him off by throwing his body against his, holding him tight. He's sobbing against Jihoon's shoulder and Jihoon finds his eyes water, too. Woojin's trying to speak, but all he gets out are broken words and sounds, so they just hold each other tight and slid down to sit on the floor.
*
Jihoon stirs when sunlight filters softly through the curtains, making the room glow. He turns around to face Woojin, who is still sleeping. He studies his face, memorizing every dip and curve. Woojin's eyes start to flutter when Jihoon brushes a gentle hand through his hair to his cheek. He pulls it away, but Woojin's already smiling. He pulls Jihoon closer and snuggles his face into his collarbone.
It took them a long time to get to this point. Jihoon gathering his courage to get help, Woojin holding his hand through it all, Jihoon assuring Woojin when his insecurities got the best of them, sharing fears and fighting and making up and here they are now. Still broken, but healing all the time. Not yet ready, but who really is?
Jihoon curls his body around Woojin's, gently, pressing a kiss onto the top of Woojin's head. Woojin smiles against his collarbones.
"You're being soft."
"Gross, no." Jihoon sneers and Woojin laughs softly.
But he is, finally, learning to be.