Chapter Text
Kimi hadn't expected there to be so many trees.
The idea of her getting cell service was seeming less and less likely with every mile marker, and she pocketed her Blackberry with a barely-disguised sigh. Her father glanced at her briefly just before turning the car onto a road that seemed to have been hidden on purpose.
"I promise you'll like it here," he said, answering the question she hadn't asked. "You know I wouldn't send you off somewhere if I didn't fully trust that it would be right for you."
"It's not that," she said quickly, her eyes still fixed on the trees whizzing past. Though she didn't elaborate, she knew he understood by the way he reached out to gently rub her shoulder.
"You'll make new friends here. I sure did."
"But I thought you met Charles as an adult, Dad," she joked, and he laughed too, both thinking of the straight-laced man who worked with her father.
It was another ten minutes before they finally turned in to the parking lot. Kimi was decent at keeping her composure, but she had no guards against the somersaults her stomach started doing upon seeing the sign for Sayet Academy. The school was beautiful, of course—she had seen the brochures, as well as a number of dated-looking photographs of a much younger Schiller when he had attended the school. For the first time, it really sunk in that this would be Kimi's home for the next four years.
The freshly-paved parking lot had a number of families milling about already, and Kimi eyed them critically. Why would anybody voluntarily stand around outside in the middle of August? Her father chose a parking space where nobody could possibly ding his expensive new Audi, and though she dreaded lugging her suitcases inside in the heat, once he turned the air-conditioning in the car off it would be a race against time.
Cool air surprised her as she stepped out of the passenger's side. Of course, they had driven all the way into the mountains. Kimi could tolerate the cold much better than the heat, though it did make her curious about what it would be like once winter hit.
She'd always been a heavy packer, and preparing for her first year of boarding school was certainly no exception. Even though Sayet Academy was a highly selective private school, it was one of the few in the country that barely had a dress code beyond the bare minimum. This meant nearly three-quarters of Kimi's wardrobe had made the trip with her, and she regretted absolutely nothing, even as she went around to the trunk to lug one of her overstuffed black-and-white checkered suitcases out. Her father only picked up a duffel bag, his focus elsewhere. "I have a few friends I'd like to say hi to before we go in," he said, and she followed his line of sight to see a tall, bespectacled brown-haired boy and someone that looked like it could be his father standing a few parking spaces away.
Her father clapped the other man on the back, greeting him warmly, and introduced him to Kimi as one of his old schoolmates, from back when they had attended in the 1970s. "And this is Orlando. He'll be a couple of years above you, so maybe he can show you around?" His tone rose expectantly as he glanced between the two teenagers.
Orlando smiled winningly and extended his arm. "Pleasure to meet you, Kimi. I can definitely help you get acclimated to the school, if you'd like."
She stared at him for a second too long, her brain shorting out, before smiling back and taking his hand. "That'd be fantastic."
Her father beamed, and Kimi knew that he was relieved he wouldn't have to leave her entirely alone. After a couple more minutes of catch-up while Kimi and Orlando stood around awkwardly, they finally got a move on and picked up Kimi's things again.
"See," he said once they were out of earshot, "now you have someone here you know."
"Right." She pulled her suitcase behind her across the smooth asphalt. Something was still nagging at her mind, and she couldn't get the glint of Orlando's rectangular glasses out of her head. "But didn't I already know him?"
"What?" Her father looked at her curiously, adjusting the strap of the duffle bag on his shoulder. "I don't think so, darling. I haven't seen the du Lacs in years. They live in Arizona."
A weird feeling settled into the pit of Kimi's stomach. "Oh," she said, picking up her pace so she could stay near her father. "I thought I recognized him. Maybe a playdate, or a visit..."
"If you remember it, I must have been the one who forgot!" Schiller laughed. "I'm sorry to break it to you, but your dad's getting old..."
She rolled her eyes. "Anyways. Thanks for introducing us. It's not like I would have remembered him otherwise, and he seems nice."
The conversation had to end there so that they could check in and navigate to Kimi's room. The school had a classic charm, with shiny marble floors and high ceilings, and seeing it in person was definitely much better than any brochure. Kimi enjoyed the way the sound of her heels echoed through the halls as they set off for Lilith Hall, the girls' dormitory.
The receptionist had told them that Kimi's roommate had already checked in, and the uneasy feeling in her chest only increased as they drew nearer. To say that having a roommate was the part Kimi was most nervous about was a massive understatement. She had never lived in the same room as anybody before, ever, and was sure she would mess it up somehow. She hadn't even been to sleep-away camp like nearly everybody else her age. She half-pitied the poor girl who had to be roomed with her—who knew what kinds of faux pas she would end up making?
This was why she had tried not to think about it before arriving. She had known there was no avoiding it, and now was her time to just face the music and meet whoever she would be stuck with for the year.
The thrumming in her chest and the nervous energy flowing through her reached a record high when they finally arrived at room 208. She was so anxious she could hardly move, but after an encouraging smile from her father, she fixed a calm expression on her face and reached for the handle.
A pink-haired girl was sitting on the left bed, which was entirely decked out in frilly pastel pink and purple sheets and pillows. She looked up immediately from her notebook, her eyes lighting up when she saw Kimi. "You're here!"
Nikki was a freshman too, hailed from Southern California, liked fashion just as much as Kimi, and dearly missed her cat Momo, who she'd had to leave at home. There were no less than five photographs of him up already, depicting him in various states of despair. He had even been dressed up in a frilly canary-yellow bonnet in one, and Kimi could have sworn she saw pure contempt radiating from his eyes.
"But I'm sure my sister will take good care of him," Nikki said cheerfully, shifting from where she had been kneeling on the bed to finally stand. "Anyways, tell me about yourself, Kimi! I... I'm really excited to have a roommate, to tell you the truth. There's so many people here, so it'll be nice having someone I already know... like a built-in friend! Is that weird?" She giggled as she played with a pink strand of hair, looking a little embarrassed at her statement.
Though Kimi itched to color-code the wardrobe she and her father had finally finished dragging inside a few hours ago with Nikki's help, this felt like the perfect opportunity to actually get to know her. Somehow, she hadn't expected it to be so easy, but Nikki seemed genuinely interested in being her friend and nice to boot.
"Well..." Kimi drew out the syllable rather than peppering her sentence with ums and ers, a habit she had picked up a few years ago when she decided it made her sound more mature. "My father went here too, which I'm sure you figured out from what he said. I'm from Washington originally, but we moved to California a few years ago, when I started middle school. I don't have any pets or siblings or anything like that." Why did she always sound so boring when she described herself? Then again, Nikki already knew she liked fashion and clothes—they had spoken about it a little bit between trips to the car. She racked her brain for something else to say. "My favorite subject is English."
She winced as the words escaped her mouth, but Nikki was beaming as though Kimi's favorite school subject was the most interesting thing she could think of. "Mine too! I hope our teacher is nice."
Kimi breathed a sigh of relief, finally allowing a small smile to reach her face. "I love your top. Yellow and pink is such a good color combination. So what kinds of clothes do you like?"
"Oh! Well..." Nikki gave a guilty laugh. "I sort of wear everything... it's hard to pick a favorite. But I admit I really like pink and purple, especially dresses!"
"Everything, huh?" Kimi peered into Nikki's wardrobe and raised her eyebrows. The other girl wasn't kidding—she had everything from bright high-waisted shorts to long maxi skirts. A pair of fishnets was hanging next to a lolita-style dress as if they were the best of friends. "Okay, you weren't kidding. Show me your ways, please? How do you even pick out what you're going to wear?"
Nikki followed her new roommate's eyes. "Um. I have no idea how I'm going to do it here, actually. I had to leave over half of what I owned at home, but I wanted a little bit of every style."
Kimi knew people who went to this school were well off, but Nikki either spent all her money on clothing, or she was crazy rich. Neither would surprise her, though. Nikki cracked the wardrobe's door open a little wider and started to take out various items, all of which looked nothing like Kimi had.
"I don't know what I was thinking! This shade of green is so hard to match—and this hat is only suitable for formal occasions—and these overalls..." She held up a dull striped pair of suspenders and rubbed her chin.
Kimi stared at them in horror before her common sense kicked in. Don't say anything, don't say anything... "They look quite practical!" she offered in a strained voice. Good enough.
"Yeah! Maybe if we end up doing some gardening," Nikki said, turning to Kimi and giving her a bright smile. And somehow, to Kimi's utter horror, her stomach did the slightest flip, and she—
No. She couldn't crush on her roommate. She hadn't even been there a day!
"Ah! Yes, that would be a very appropriate situation to wear... those..." Kimi stammered, and Nikki giggled. "I don't think I have much that would work in that situation..." She hesitated, the words feeling oddly familiar. "Are you okay if I unpack?"
"Of course!"
They chattered more while Kimi sorted her dresses: first by color, then by style and length. Once she was done organizing and decorating her side of the room, she had to marvel at just how different they were. While Nikki's side looked like a fairy had thrown up all over it, Kimi's looked more like she had robbed an IKEA. The sheets were new, of course, since she had a queen bed at home and only a twin in the dorms. However, a surprising amount of decor had just been taken from her house in California. Looking over it now, she wondered if her father had made it home, and if it felt empty with both her and her favorite things gone.
She would have to make an effort to call him every day. Taking some pictures to show him during fall break didn't seem like a bad idea either.
If there was anything Kimi learned during the first week attending Sayet Academy, it was that everybody—everybody—loved Nikki.
What was there to hate? She was polite and sweet to all of the teachers and students, and even went out of her way to thank the janitors when she saw them. Her comments in class, though few and far between, were insightful, even though they were still just learning the basics. Once Kimi watched her ask an upperclassman decked out in a black crop top and fishnets for directions to the library, and the other girl actually blushed. Her power was terrifying—and what was worse, she didn't even seem to realize she had it.
Kimi wasn't immune; quite the opposite, really. It felt like Nikki's enthusiasm was persistently chipping away at any chance she had at not falling for the other girl. On their first day in band together, Nikki actually grabbed Kimi's hands in excitement when she found out they both played the flute—and Nikki was good at it, too, better than anyone at Kimi's middle school other than herself. By the time they had finished class, the pink-haired girl was confidently telling Kimi that she bet they could both place at the top of the seating chart.
"Actually, I think I might try piccolo," Kimi admitted, and Nikki gasped, a full, dramatic breath of air that would have been utterly ridiculous if anyone else had done it.
"Really, Kimi? That would suit you so well!"
"I'm glad you think so. I've always wanted to give it a shot."
"We should definitely practice together." Nikki nodded, determined. Kimi couldn't stop her heart from jumping this time. Yes, she thought she was starting to love Nikki too.
There was only one problem: being in the same room with Nikki for too long could definitely start to feel unbearable.
It had nothing to do with Nikki herself. Her voice wasn't annoying, she didn't talk too much or too loudly, and she always smelled nice. No, Kimi's issue seemed to be something from an entirely different realm. She ended up with this strange thrumming in her head and a tightness in her chest after a few hours, a quiet but deep sense of unease settling within her until she left the vicinity.
Going to the school nurse wasn't really an option: Kimi was sure that this issue couldn't be solved with headache medicine, though she did try just in case. Despite taking the recommended dosage with a glass of water before bed, she still woke up the next morning feeling vaguely troubled until she stepped into their white marble bathroom and shut the door behind her. The relief that flooded through her at such a simple movement seemed to confirm her fears and suspicions: her new roommate was, for lack of a better term, out of tune with her.
She didn't let it stop her. Nikki invited her to study for their first English quiz together, and Kimi accepted without another thought. It didn't adversely affect her ability to learn like a true headache would, she discovered, which was a good thing considering they had so many classes together. Nikki's giggles and mannerisms did affect her ability to learn, and she was glad they had chosen their room to study in rather than the library. She couldn't be caught looking at the other girl like a love-struck idiot.
Nikki made first chair in band, and their director agreed to let Kimi play the piccolo. So Kimi spent more of her time trying to fix the tuning between their instruments rather than the tuning between them, and for a while, that was good enough for her. In fact, she was entirely content to ignore it until one evening in early October.
Kimi had just dropped her toothbrush back into the cup and moved to flick off the bathroom light, but she heard Nikki's voice call from inside the main room. "Ah, could you keep it on for a second? I've got to get a cup of water."
"Sure." Kimi paused at the doorway, watching Nikki set down a small bottle of pills. "Are you okay?"
Nikki shook her head, biting her lip slightly. "I've been having the weirdest headaches every night, so I thought I'd try taking something for it. I don't even know if they're really headaches... I hope I'm not coming down with a bug." She shrugged and moved to walk past Kimi, who simply stepped to the side and looked at her roommate, dumbfounded.
She hadn't even considered that Nikki might be afflicted with the same odd condition she seemed to have, but in hindsight it made sense. If she was affected by Nikki's presence, why wouldn't the reverse be the case as well? As Nikki's pink nightgown disappeared behind the doorway, Kimi's heart hammered in her throat, and she touched her forehead gently.
If she told Nikki she was only feeling that way because of her, she might not want to hang out anymore. She might even request a roommate transfer. And Kimi—well, she wasn't sure she wanted to take that risk. She couldn't risk losing her.
If it gets worse, I'll tell her.
"Ah, sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better." Kimi pressed her lips together and crawled into bed, clutching her white seagull plush and trying not to feel like the worst person on the planet.
Kimi didn't like to admit it, but she got what she wanted. She and Nikki continued to get closer as the days passed, and if Nikki noticed that the strange feeling was linked to Kimi, she didn't say anything.
"One, two, three—"
After a beat, the sound of the two girls playing in tandem filled the band room, their faces screwed up in concentration. Kimi had tied her silver hair into a thin ponytail, a look she normally didn't favor on herself but one that helped her play a bit better. Sometimes, finding a balance between fashion, music, and all of her other interests could be a struggle. She glanced at Nikki automatically; a couple strands of long pink hair had strayed across her face, but she seemed too focused to notice.
Kimi tried to keep rhythm with her as best she could, but they had been practicing the duet for nearly forty-five minutes now, and she was starting to get fatigued. Nikki seemed to sense her hesitation, and after they had finished playing the first part, she lowered her flute. "Think we should call it a day?" she said softly, her warm eyes meeting Kimi's.
"Yeah. Th-thanks." The strange feeling had overtaken her while they practiced, but given how much time they spent together, it was nothing out of the ordinary. Kimi would be lying if she said she was used to it—she didn't think she was meant to be used to it, didn't think it was possible by nature—but she had grown to expect it, at least. "Gonna send a text to my dad real quick, if that's okay."
Kimi's father had never been very tech-savvy, but he had adapted since it was the only way he could talk to her while she was at school. There were only a few pockets throughout the campus where she could get good enough signal, but they made it work. She tapped out a message about their plans for Thanksgiving break, way faster with the number pad than she had any right to be. Nikki just watched her, slightly bemused.
"I wish Momo could text me..." she sighed, picking up her flute case. "Silly thing. He does meow at me on phone calls."
"What do you think he'd say?" Kimi pressed the button to send her text and snapped the phone shut before dropping it in her tote bag.
Nikki laughed. "He's always been so conceited. He'd probably threaten to destroy my clothes if I didn't make my mom buy him pork belly or something."
"That is... oddly specific, but okay."
This just made Nikki laugh more. "Well, it's his favorite food. And he's destroyed some of my outfits before, so it's not too much of a stretch. Though..." She rubbed her chin. "I have to admit they seemed like targeted attacks. I'm starting to think he might have his own opinions about what I should be wearing."
Kimi thought of Nikki's overalls that she'd shown her on the first day and smiled. Nikki could pull off almost any look, but some of her clothes really were objectively bad.
"I do really miss home, though. We had this beautiful cherry blossom tree outside the house, and Yoyo and I would always sit there and read together, or just talk." Nikki's gaze seemed to land somewhere far in the distance, and Kimi felt a strange lurch in her stomach. "Some days I'd give just about anything to do that again."
Kimi cast her mind around, trying to come up with some way she could give Nikki what she wanted, and out of the blue she remembered something her father had shown her before she had even enrolled at Sayet Academy. "Do you want to go on a walk?"
Nikki glanced at Kimi in confusion at the sudden change in topic. "Oh. Sure! Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
They left their instruments in the lockers, only taking their bags as they set out across the school's courtyard. It was still warm enough that Kimi found herself peeling off her blazer within a minute and tucking it under her arm as she looked around. Orlando had given the two of them a tour back before classes had begun, and they both knew their way around well enough by now, but the place Kimi had in mind was a bit more off the beaten path than they had ever been.
Past the dormitories, there were rolling hills, and past the hills, Kimi saw it. Golden blossoms peeked out just enough for them to see, and she felt excitement rush through her. "Over here," she said, and grabbed Nikki's hand before she could overthink it.
At the base of the hill sat a single wisteria tree, several times taller than them, its flowers turned to bright oranges and yellows and swinging in the fall breeze. Though the rest of the hills by the school were neatly maintained, next to the tree, tall grass and wildflowers had been left to grow. Kimi took in the sight with a carefully neutral face; she had seen it often enough in photographs, but never before in person. She would have missed the gasp Nikki let out if she didn't feel her fingers tighten around her hand at the same time.
"This tree... it's beautiful. How did you know it was here?" she whispered. It felt irreverent, somehow, to speak too loudly.
"My parents met at Sayet Academy," Kimi said, her voice unsteady despite her best efforts. "They discovered it when they were here, and my father told me about it. This wisteria tree is where they got married."
"Your mother..."
"She passed away when I was six."
Kimi rarely told others about her mother. She didn't want that sentence to feel automatic or practiced. For a few minutes, every sound had disappeared: the chiming of the belltower, the voices of the other students and the sound of doors shutting. It was only Kimi, Nikki, and the wisteria tree.
"Let's sit down," she offered, and Nikki nodded. She tossed her blazer onto the tall grass, and both girls took a seat, Nikki pressing her back up flat against the tree trunk. They had let go of each others' hands to do so, but now that they were sitting alone, Kimi didn't think she had it in her to reach for it again. The moment was too fragile, and she was still scared. Instead, she said, "I hope this is close enough to help a bit with your homesickness."
Nikki turned her gaze to Kimi and smiled, more brilliantly than she thought possible. "It's perfect. Thank you, Kimi." And with the confidence and practice of someone who had done it a thousand times, Nikki leaned in and kissed her on the lips.
Love; from a moment to a lifetime.
Their first kiss, after Nikki's first photoshoot for the Apple Apparel Group. Nikki battling Nidhogg for the White Blossom. Holding Nikki tightly after she woke up from the endless dream of the deep. From the moment of the kiss sprung a lifetime of memories, all screaming to be heard as they flooded into her head at once. Kimi jerked her head away, her jaw dropping slightly, and she realized that the discomfort that had been plaguing her for months while she was around Nikki had evaporated.
Somehow, even after remembering over eighteen years of memories from another life, her fourteen-year-old brain could only supply the words, "Oh my God."
For a moment she was afraid that Nikki hadn't remembered and might have been alarmed by her reaction, especially when she looked up and saw tears running down her girlfriend's face. A split second later, though, Nikki had reached out and grasped Kimi's hand, holding it to her chest as though she expected it to dissolve into the wind.
"I'm so sorry I forgot, I just—I don't know why I did that, why I remembered then, I—you remember, too, right?" she said anxiously, and Kimi watched her palm turn white where Nikki's fingers pressed too hard.
"I remember," was all Kimi could think to say in response. "I think I've been trying to remember before, but..."
Nikki laughed through her tears, and Kimi thought it might be the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard. "I think I've been trying to remember you my whole life."
"Stop, you're going to make me sad," she said crossly, and Nikki just laughed harder, trying to wipe the tears from her face with the sleeve of her dress.
"How can you be sad! We found each other again... Though I never expected it to be on Earth, of all places."
Kimi looked around at the wisteria and the fir trees lining the rolling lawns of Sayet Academy, the sun hanging low in the sky. "It's not as bad as I expected it to be, from your description," she admitted. "I thought there would be so much more evil and violence on the Earth, and that you were just the exception. Sometimes I even thought that was why you, of all people, were brought to Miraland... I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Nikki insisted earnestly. "Miraland was all you'd ever known, and I never got the chance to really tell you what it was like here."
Even though Kimi's head didn't feel funny anymore, she was still reeling, slightly numb, at the juxtaposition of her carefree life on Earth and the tumultuous reality she'd always known in Miraland. "You have all the time you want, if you'd still like."
"And I'm going to take advantage of every moment. I promise."
The chiming of the clock echoed across the grounds, but as Kimi leaned over to kiss Nikki again, she decided that after spending so much time without each other, the world would have to deal with their absence for just a little while longer.
Chapter 2
Notes:
I'm very sorry about the crimes against Miraland art history I have committed in this chapter. Forgive me, lore gods!!
Thank you to Baek for your beta-ing skills, to Aeru for letting me borrow Carnegie AU, and for everyone who provided me moral support and inspiration. ♡
Chapter Text
Troubles seemed to get lost on the way to the borders. The issues of the cities—the politics and corruption of Empire Church, the disputes between the nobles and lords, and the bandits that plagued the streets at night—seemed a faraway, distant dream within the peaceful town of Heidi. The borders blurred in the endless fields of wheat, and people didn't tend to mind each other quite so much.
Nikki had only been into the city of Ymilan once. A young nomad had passed through her town, dressed in a full-body cloak and wielding a tall staff. She didn't remember much else about him other than the glint of his eyes under the shadow of his hood as he explained that she was just the type of woman his friend, a talented painter, had been looking for. Taken aback but nonetheless interested, Nikki had agreed to go with him. It wasn't every day that an opportunity like this came along.
The envoy had taken her into the city, just a day's carriage ride away, where she had met the painter that went by the name Bobo. She wore her brown hair in twin braids like many of the maidens from Heidi, but there was something that set her apart. Maybe it was the colorful flowers that had been woven between the strands, or perhaps it was the clothing she wore, lace sleeves and delicate fabric not meant to be worn outside of sitting rooms and dining halls. Bobo had squinted at Nikki, the latter woman feeling uncharacteristically self-conscious under the painter's gaze, before smiling, pink-lipped and bright-eyed.
"You've done well, my wonderful ambassador," Bobo said, and it took a moment for Nikki to realize she was addressing the hooded boy hovering in the corner of the room. She shrunk back, feeling even more scrutinized, but Bobo reached forward to touch her hand with her own gloved one in a brief moment of reassurance.
"Ah, don't be nervous." Nikki could tell the words were meant to be comforting, but the tone was unfamiliar, the accent just foreign enough to throw her off.
"Right, sorry," she said, stumbling over her own words. "You wanted to paint me?"
"You... you couldn't be more perfect." Bobo's eyes shone with clear admiration and excitement. "The thing is, I've had a picture in my head for as long as I can remember, and you match it even down to the tiniest details."
"Should I be flattered?" The words escaped Nikki before she could think twice about them, but Bobo just laughed.
"You can decide that for yourself once the painting is finished," Bobo said, and she put her hands on Nikki's shoulders. "Now let's get started, shall we?"
Nikki changed into a long, draping dress behind a curtain at Bobo's urging before going to stand in front of her easel. Though she was no stranger to physical labor, her muscles grew stiff from holding a pose for so long, and they took a break every half hour for her to rest. Bobo took the time to clean some of her brushes and block in color while Nikki sipped on mead, and they made idle conversation about what it was like in Heidi. Bobo wouldn't let her see the in-progress painting, of course, insisting that she still had one part or another to fix. Every so often, they both heard the telltale squeak of the wooden door turning on its hinges, and though Nikki couldn't turn around while she was posed, she saw during one of her breaks that it was the envoy checking in on them. When all was said and done, it was a very curious affair that Nikki had a hard time believing she was a part of.
"Will you let me see it now?" she asked, trying to stretch her tense muscles. Bobo frowned at the canvas, dabbing finishing touches onto it with a small brush. The tips of her gloves' fingers were dusted with azurite and orpiment, and Nikki craned her neck.
Bobo beckoned her around to her side of the easel, and her eyes bulged at the sight. Though Nikki had only been standing against a white cloth, the painter had transformed it into a fantastical seascape scene. She had been painted, true to life, against a bright sunrise and standing atop a large seashell. Her hair was tinted flaxen in the morning light, uneven lines of gold streaked through it in a style reminiscent of impressionism. Despite this, Nikki thought one aspect of the painting stood out to her the most.
"You made me an elf?" she asked, leaning forward to peer at the painting's pointed ears. Bobo faltered for a second before nodding.
"It was something I thought of on a whim," she said, glancing between Nikki and the canvas. "Does it bother you?"
"I've never really met an elf before." Nikki was aware that it didn't answer the question, but truthfully, she didn't know if she had an opinion. "It's your painting, after all."
"Well, if all goes well, I won't be the one keeping it. I'd like to sell it at the upcoming royal auction." Bobo stood to begin cleaning up her materials. "I've been trying since the princess's debutante ball to paint something she likes. Many of my pieces hang in the royal palace in Oren, but she has never personally seemed interested in anything I've made." The painter sighed as she set her brushes down with a clatter. "And that's not from lack of trying, either."
"What makes you think she'd want a portrait of me?"
"Well, I normally paint cityscapes, realistic portraits, that sort of thing," Bobo explained. "I like to capture the world as it is, honest and truthful. But her eyes pass right over my artwork every time. She only seems to have eyes for the mystical and otherworldly."
"An acute observation," said the envoy, and Nikki jumped—she hadn't realized he was there. "She's known as a serious person, and truth be told, she's quite down to earth. Most people wouldn't expect it."
"I can't say I know all that much about the royal family," Nikki said, sweeping her hair back into an updo. "Don't think they've ever come to Heidi."
"That may change soon." Bobo's tone was light, but her words were those of a warning. "The upcoming auction is for the princess's coronation as queen, after all. From what I've heard about her goals, it seems she wants to better unite our holy empire and bring us together... or something like that," she finished hastily at Nikki's surprised expression.
"Well, that's not ominous at all," the envoy chuckled. Nikki shuddered slightly at the dark tone lacing his voice.
"The princess is a good woman," Bobo said, shaking her head. "Even if things change for Heidi and the other outer villages, I know she just has your best interests in mind." Her blue eyes met Nikki's amber, and for a moment, she could see the painter's loyalty and admiration shining out, so powerfully that she felt it too.
Nikki didn't stay long enough in Ymilan to find out whether Bobo managed to sell her painting to the princess-turned-queen. She'd be lying if she said part of her didn't wonder, though. Had her eyes stopped over Nikki's face, so lovingly rendered in soft brushstrokes? Had she paused, even if for only a moment, to give the girl in the painting a second thought? Thinking about it made Nikki blush, an unusual occurrence that drew the attention of the other townspeople. On a few occasions, it even led to good-natured teasing, which Nikki had no defense for. If the people of Heidi knew she was daydreaming about the now Queen of Pigeon Empire, she knew she'd never hear the end of it.
Four seasons passed, taking them through the harvest and the barren winter before it came time to plant seeds again, and though the thoughts and memories lingered, Nikki had more to think about now. It was the age in a young woman's life where she ought to be choosing what she wanted to do, and she found herself working for a designer a few years older than herself. Her name was Lunar, and she, too, had lived in Heidi for all her life. Privately, Nikki thought that Lunar was too talented to spend her entire career in a tiny village, not without sharing her designs with the world, but when she voiced this to her, she just blushed and shook her head.
"Really," Nikki said earnestly, "haven't you ever considered going to design school? With your skill—"
"I'm happy to just be here, and to make my clothing for the people of Heidi," she said shyly. She was immensely devoted to her craft, and today was no exception; her thin fingers threaded a needle through the socks she was working on, attaching the lace slowly and methodically. Nikki looked away.
"Then I'm happy to help you," she said, bowing slightly even as they heard the door creaking open in the other room. "Ah, that must be Miss Von Rhein, I'll go talk to her," Nikki added cheerfully. With only a glance back at Lunar, she ducked out of the room to see it was, in fact, the Von Rhein daughter, Nora.
"Miss Von Rhein! How good to see you." Nikki took the woman's hand earnestly. "You have perfect timing; Lady Lunar finished your dress just this morning. I'll bring it out right now for you."
"That's fantastic," Nora said. Nikki liked Nora; even though she and her family had only moved there from the city the other year, her eyes were warm, and not only did she have an appreciation for clothes, she was quick-witted and nice to talk to.
"Here you go." Nikki offered her the bag with the dress inside. "Any news from the city?" The Von Rheins were from Oren, and they always seemed to know what was happening in the rest of Pigeon before anybody else in town, making them the unofficial bearers of news wherever they went.
"You haven't heard?" Nora quirked an eyebrow as she tucked her dress under her arm. "Queen Kimi is coming to Heidi next month."
The effect would have been the same if Nora had bent down and neatly pulled the blue embroidered rug from beneath Nikki's feet. For a second there was only the whooshing sound of a dozen realizations flying towards her all at once, until she realized that Nora was likely waiting for a response.
"So soon," was all she managed, and a second later she was dismayed to hear that she hadn't been able to keep an uncharacteristic falter out of her voice. Nora, who had been examining the fabric samples on the wall, turned back to her in concern.
"Nikki, are you all right?"
"Just surprised that she's coming here, of all places," she said slowly.
"It's part of her efforts to better understand the people of the kingdom." Nora hesitated. "Things are changing in the cities, you know, and the Queen needs to be able to keep up with the wants and needs of her citizens. You'd be surprised how many people seem to think royalty is on the way out—or want it to be—so I think she recognizes the adage that one must adapt or be left behind." A slightly bitter smile crossed her face. "What I'm trying to say is that if there's anything you've been wanting to get off your chest, there's no better time."
"I... I see. Thank you, Miss Von Rhein."
Nora gave Nikki one last parting glance as she left the shop with her dress, though Nikki wasn't sure if she was suspicious or simply concerned. She turned around before pressing her hand to her forehead anyways. Two contradictory sensations were fighting to overtake her; one was that of being so dumbfounded that a passing wind might blow her off her feet, while the other was the weight of knowledge pressing down on her, threatening to push her to the ground.
It was something about Queen Kimi, though Nikki didn't know how she knew anything about a woman whose name she'd only just learned a minute ago. She wracked her brain—it wasn't the observations that the painter Bobo had told her last year. She hadn't forgotten those. No, this was something else, something older and nestled deep in her brain, that had stirred awake.
What's wrong with me?
Some might say she was being possessed, that demons were planting memories in her to lure her into the abyss. Others would just tell her she had an overactive imagination and leave it at that. Whether it was one or the other, it wasn't Nikki's place to say.
The only thing she felt sure of right now was that Queen Kimi of Pigeon had long, straight silver hair, and that, once upon a time, she had taken Nikki to sit under a wisteria tree.
As the town of Heidi grew more and more frantic with the upcoming visit of Queen Kimi, Nikki found herself repeatedly lapsing into thought over the nature of her memories. Had she experienced things that she'd later forgotten about, visited places she hadn't recognized? Or were they, perhaps, visions? Was she a Seer, gifted with knowledge of the future thanks to a power that had not manifested until now?
The possibilities were endless, but her time was not. Nikki and Lunar were busier than ever; everyone in town wanted new clothes to impress the royal entourage, and their more exotic dyes were dwindling by the day. It would undoubtedly make Lunar a fair sum of money, Nikki thought as she wrote down yet another order for an elaborate dress. She might have been more enthusiastic about the idea if she knew that Lunar would be using it to take time off and travel to showcase her designs. After her indifferent response, though, neither of them had raised the topic again.
It was the night before the Queen was set to arrive, and Nikki wasn't ready. Her dress was a pale green, and her hair was to be loosely plaited. Still, she laid in bed wracked with doubts. It wasn't enough to stand out, she thought glumly. Looking like this, it was likely that she would just blend into the crowds.
Whether it would be enough or not, there was nothing Nikki could do now but sleep. She blew out her candle and let her eyes close in the darkness, trying not to let her mind wander too much. The last thought she had before she fell asleep was that she hoped Kimi would be happy to see her again. She didn't remember it in the morning.
Nikki and Lunar met up at daybreak, both wearing twin bonnets that Lunar had just completed the day before. They were on the early side; only the town council was there before them, so they took their time picking a spot further down the road. Nikki let her eyes roam the area; she wondered if there was a wisteria tree nearby.
"Nervous?" Lunar asked, holding her own hat down as a breeze threatened to blow Nikki's away. She yelped and grabbed for the edges.
"You have no idea."
Within an hour's time, the entire town was lined up along the street leading into Heidi, and after another hour, they could see carts and horses cresting the farthest hilltop. The chatter around her picked up in speed as heads began to turn. Nikki clutched Lunar's arm instinctively, and the older woman looked at her in surprise.
"I'm sorry," Nikki said sheepishly, and though she let her grip loosen, her eyes did not leave the royal procession. Even if she looked away for just a moment, she might miss it all, and there was no way she could risk something like that.
The cadence of the bass drum faded in slowly, alternating between simple beats to mark time and a more complex rhythm that echoed through the valleys. Nikki's own heart thundered insistently, refusing to adhere to the sound of the drum and picking its own tempo instead. She pressed her hand to her chest in an attempt to still it, and she found herself craning her neck higher until she was on her toes.
Silver hair, long and straight. It glinted in the early morning sun, and Nikki watched, enraptured, as the Queen turned to look at them from her carriage. She was still far away, but her sheer elegance was evident even from a distance. Next to her sat an older man with greying blond hair, wearing a collared tunic with a jabot and a dark red blazer. He was a family member or an assistant, perhaps, but Nikki couldn't tell.
A deep voice was announcing the Queen's presence, as if anybody had somehow missed what was going on. Two trumpet players had begun a fanfare in tandem with the cadence of the drum. Nikki and Lunar were at the front of the crowd; Kimi was so close that she could see the creases in her skirts shake with the horses' footsteps. She looked younger than Nikki had expected, a small round face with pale skin and bright eyes that darted over the congregation. She only seems to have eyes for the mystical and otherworldly.
What secrets did the Queen hold in her heart? What was she searching for?
Her eyes slid past Nikki, unseeing, as the carriage rumbled on down the road. Dust billowed out behind the horses and the wheels of the carriage, but Nikki wasn't going to be left there. She ducked out of the way, finally letting go of Lunar's arm, and ran.
Kimi's hair was silver.
Holding fistfuls of pale green fabric, Nikki sidestepped the people crowded along the street and ran behind them. The carriage was flashing by, visible only in the gaps between bodies and above the tips of their heads. To her, though, there might as well have been nobody there at all besides herself and Kimi.
She had to know if Kimi remembered too, and she couldn't wait any longer.
The people thinned out after a short distance, and Nikki only had a moment to catch her breath and her hat before she glanced back up at the carriage. She had caught the attention of the older man, at least, and he squinted at her from the shade before turning to murmur something at Kimi.
Kimi glanced at Nikki once more. It was the type of look you would shoot to the other side of the room if you heard a stray noise, or one you might offer to a signpost whose words you've already read hundreds of times. But Nikki's eyes were there to meet Kimi's, and that was what made all the difference.
The carriage rumbled past, but a moment later Kimi's face appeared again, poking out the side and staring back at her.
"Nikki!"
If Nikki hadn't been listening for her voice, high and clear just like she remembered it, it would have been lost to the wind.
The problem with royalty was that everything had to be planned ahead of time. There was no room for spontaneity or chance, so Nikki was unsurprised—though no less disappointed—when Kimi's face disappeared from around the side of the carriage as quickly as it had appeared. She had a busy schedule ahead of her, and she probably hadn't accounted for meeting the love of her life before even making it into town.
The love of her previous life. Nikki was still in shock, too. After they'd finally made eye contact, it had all come back to her.
She had gone home and cried.
Kimi had been more than her queen: she had been her wife. And with her, Nikki always felt loved. Starting from their time together at Sayet Academy but continuing for long, long after, they were there for each other through it all, the good times and the bad.
Now that she knew what she'd been missing, Nikki had never been so alone.
She had been happy before, or something like it, anyways. Though she had always grown up expecting to do something mundane, getting to work with Lunar brought joy to her life. She was in love with nature, too: the uncultivated old-growth forests whose mysteries could never be completely uncovered, the songbirds in the morning and the katydids at night.
It was easy to admire the blooming flowers in spring, but those in Heidi were taught to appreciate the late fall as well. Icicles glinting and the scent of freshly-fallen snow, a peace and stillness in the air that let her hear her thoughts. The frost-tipped grass, though yellowing and dry, held memories of a green summer and promises of one yet to come. Like all things, that next summer would come with time: she only had to have faith.
Yes, the fall and winter period had its merits as well. But Nikki had spent her whole life in the cold, and the snow had finally melted.
She had been missing so much.
The evening was warm, and she left her house using the back door. Her wind chime jingled as the door brushed against it, the sound echoing until it was indistinguishable from the birds. The herbs in her garden were still just buds in the dark soil, cool from the previous day's rain. She wasn't there for them, though.
A twisted desire path began at the edge of the treeline, and Nikki didn't bother to look over her shoulder as she headed in. She knew the way by heart, so often had she traveled this way during her childhood. In Heidi, they didn't believe forests held monsters, ready to attack an unsuspecting passerby at a moment's notice. Those types of fairy tales were only told amongst the people of the cities. So, she chalked up the snap of a twig behind her to a squirrel and continued on her way.
The forest only stopped a few feet from the water, and Nikki stopped there too. Leaves rustled behind her, and she spun around just in time to see that somebody had been following her all along.
Kimi was frowning bitterly at the clusters of trees and vines, and there were leaves and twigs decorating her hair in a way that looked entirely unintentional. Nikki froze, her heart hammering, until Kimi looked up at her with a wholly unimpressed gaze that said why did you just drag me through a forest?
She couldn't stop herself from grinning.
"You followed me through that whole way?"
"A decision I'm now regretting," she grumbled, brushing off her black lace dress. After the memories from her past life had come back to her, it was strange and surreal to see Kimi so young again. She realized they were only a couple years older than the age they'd been when they had graduated Sayet Academy.
"You'd have turned back half a mile ago if you regretted it," Nikki said. Kimi smiled back, unexpectedly softly, and any remaining doubts melted away. She closed the distance between them, the heels in her shoes sinking softly into the sand with each step until she leaned up into Nikki's chest.
They stood there holding each other, Kimi wrapped in Nikki's arms and Nikki's hands running through her hair. She was the only one who Kimi ever allowed to do so, and the feeling of her hair between her fingers took her back to the first time she'd held her like this. The similarities were strong enough that Nikki could forget where they were, that she was a peasant and Kimi was a queen. Their past and future was thrown to the wind; this was how they'd always been.
At long last, Kimi's voice rose up. "Where..." She cleared her throat; the word had come out broken. "Where are we?"
Nikki drew back slightly. "We're at the edge between Pigeon and Lilith. It's as far as I've ever been."
"No, I mean, like..." Kimi hesitated. "Where are we now? Why are we here?"
Nikki looked towards the distant Lilith, its shores lined with colorful trees and bright mushrooms. The lake was too wide and too deep to swim across even if she wanted to.
"Miraland," she suggested.
"But what is Miraland?"
To this, neither of them had an answer.
Nikki cooked dinner: soup and bread that she felt was wholly inappropriate for the queen of Pigeon. Kimi didn't mind, though, eating it slowly without a second thought as the two of them sat at Nikki's kitchen table. Though she had been socializing with the mayor and his family all day, and would be in meetings with the town council for the majority of tomorrow, she had managed to convince her assistant Joseph to let her go off by herself that evening.
"He must trust you a lot, then."
"It's not that he trusts me," Kimi said, giving Nikki a shrewd look over her spoonful of soup. "It's because whether he likes it or not, I'm the one who calls the shots."
Nikki's breath caught in her throat, and she tried not to choke on her own food. It was then that, for the first time, she was reminded that Kimi was the queen of Pigeon, the divisive figure that was either beloved or mistrusted by the people of the empire. The memories refused to unite, and she turned away.
There was a pause before Kimi set her silverware down. "I'm sorry. I didn't choose to be the queen."
"It's not your fault," Nikki said, but the realization was starting to set in that Kimi's life was already very, very busy. The unasked question refused to budge no matter how much she tried to push it out of her mind.
"Listen." Kimi's hands folded beneath her chin as she looked at Nikki levelly. "Do you know what's in my room?"
"Ah... no?"
"It's a painting of a woman," she said, "an elfin woman standing on a seashell in the morning light. Her hair is gold, but you can see pink strands underneath, as if the painter had originally started with red and slowly added yellow-oranges to her palette as she went. The first time I saw it..." She trailed off. Nikki, for whom several more realizations were starting to unfold, did not interrupt. "I immediately asked the painter if it was still for sale. I was ready to outbid the competition, if it wasn't."
"But it was, was it?" Nikki asked, a smile playing at her face.
"Yes. She said she painted it for me—that she never intended to sell it to anybody but me. I was amazed. How did she know?"
"You have a painting of me hanging in your room," said Nikki softly.
"So it was you, then." Kimi circled around the table and sat next to her, brushing Nikki's hair behind her ear. "I didn't think you were an elf."
"As I understood it, it was an artistic decision," Nikki said, flushing at the feel of Kimi's fingers. They hovered by her cheek before moving to rest on the back of her head.
"It's a relief I recognized you," Kimi murmured, "but I'll always prefer you as you are." She leaned forwards, her silver eyes roaming over Nikki's face with relief, before capturing Nikki's lips with her own.
Perhaps, in some winding, twisted way, the universe was pushing for them to be together. And when Nikki thought about the whole universe, the difference between a queen and a villager didn't seem so big after all.
Nikki walked Kimi back to the mayor's house that night without a second thought, wanting to savor every moment alone with her. It didn't help her fall asleep later. Kimi should have been next to her, and they should have been in their house back on Earth, she thought, and turned her pillow over.
But even she knew those thoughts would not do her well. They had lived out their lives to the fullest, and she had savored every moment until the end; no time had been stolen from them. This universe was simply... a new opportunity, she might call it. Another lifetime to spend with each other, even if the circumstances were more difficult. Substantially more difficult.
The next day was lonely.
She had work, of course. Lunar gave her increasingly suspicious looks from around the doorway separating the shop from her workroom, to which Nikki only ducked her head. How was she supposed to explain everything that had gone down since she had so impulsively run off the day before? She trusted Lunar, but even she would look at such a story as madness at the very best. Instead, she set herself to dyeing a large swatch of fabric and let her mind swim through the lifetime's worth of memories she had.
Kimi had promised to come back to Nikki's house again that evening, but she hadn't been able to give an exact time. Nikki tried not to over-water her plants as she waited, eventually settling for throwing grain at some errant geese. The evening chill that was typical of spring arrived before Kimi did, but the sun hadn't yet disappeared from the sky.
"You're here."
Though the words had been on the tip of Nikki's own tongue, she was still surprised to hear Kimi say them. She laughed, standing from the rock she had been perched on and brushing off her dress. "I live here!"
They drew together, of course. Kimi was wearing white today, the satin smooth beneath Nikki's palms. "Not what I meant," she whispered. "I just thought maybe it had been a weird dream."
"Yeah... here, let's go inside, okay?"
Kimi refused dinner this time, saying she had just dined with some of the senior councilmembers. "They didn't have as many demands," she mused, looking into her cup of tea. "It seemed like they just wanted Heidi to be left alone."
Nikki settled next to her on the sofa, stirring a bowl of porridge. "I think that's just how we are here. We don't feel much loyalty to the empire, you know? It's a different world altogether." When Kimi didn't say anything, she continued, "And nobody wants it to change, for fear that we lose something irreplaceable."
Kimi pursed her lips. "I just thought, well... there's only the one schoolhouse, right?"
"We've never needed anything bigger, and Miss Abbey knows all there is to know."
"There are things," Kimi tried, "that she doesn't teach..."
"I know what you teach in Oren." The unexpectedly adamant tone put a stop to anything Kimi was about to say. She shut her mouth, looking slightly put out, and Nikki felt the conflicting sense of regret trickle between the cracks of her indignation. She sighed. "Don't take it the wrong way, though. I hope you've seen why we love Heidi so much just from being here. If it were your home..."
"Right. Sorry, yeah." Kimi set her teacup down next to Nikki's empty bowl, as if to leave, but instead she leaned back into the sofa and curled into Nikki's side. The shift in temperament was so vast—queen to lover in one fluid motion—that the act didn't register until she felt Kimi's breath against her arm. It was another moment before she realized, truly realized, that she was going to have to get used to them being the same. She paused before tucking Kimi under her arm.
"Missed you today," she said instead, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. It was an understatement, but she knew Kimi would know what she meant.
"You as well. It was the longest day of my life," Kimi replied fervently. "I kept thinking of things we had done together at the most inopportune times—do you remember the time we went to New York?"
Nikki let out an incredulous laugh as the memory came back to her. "We were still in high school then, weren't we? It was for band! I do remember, now..."
"Remember the theatre?" Kimi turned to Nikki, her eyes shining. "It was the biggest I'd ever seen, at the time. I... I got to play a solo."
"I mostly remember all that walking," Nikki giggled, and poked her in the side. "I had to carry you on my back since your shoes were hurting your feet."
"Think I blocked that out," Kimi muttered, but Nikki could feel her shaking with silent laughter a moment later.
"It felt like our first big adventure together." She couldn't hope to put into words the freedom she'd felt, traipsing around the city with her girlfriend and their friends, so she just hoped that Kimi remembered, too. "Forever glad we got to have so many more."
Kimi hummed thoughtfully, clasping her hand with Nikki's. It was a minute or two, just long enough for Nikki to have forgotten she'd said anything, before Kimi responded.
"Would you like to have another?"
Nikki jolted, bumping Kimi slightly. Oh. "Y-you mean, you want me to travel with you?"
"Not exactly." Kimi glanced up and saw the worried expression on her face. "Oh, it's... okay, I talked to Joseph. We have two more towns to visit before we return to Oren, one of which is fairly far from here. I don't think it would be a good idea for you to accompany me to them."
Nikki repeated the words in her head. "So... Afterwards?"
"Afterwards," Kimi confirmed. "We have plenty of room for you in the palace."
She let it sink in. Was she ready to say goodbye to Heidi, leave everything she'd worked towards for the past twenty-two years? The prospect was frightening, but when faced with the alternative of never seeing Kimi again, it wasn't much of a choice at all.
"I'll go with you, of course." She squeezed Kimi's hands and felt her relax at the news. She must have been waiting all day to ask me. "I guess while you finish up your duties, I can make sure I don't have any unfinished business here, and say goodbye to everybody." Lunar, Nora, Timi... who would take care of her garden? It would be months until her herbs were done.
"That's what I was thinking too." Kimi nodded. "I hate to separate from you so soon after we found each other, but there's obviously no way either of us could have planned ahead of time."
She might need to train somebody at the dye shop, too. Lunar was so busy lately; it would only be the right thing to do. Hopefully, she'd be able to purchase a dress from her in time for it to be ready when she left.
"Nikki?"
"You can't... you can't come live in Heidi, can you?" Even as the words came from her, she knew it was an impossibility, but seeing Kimi slowly shake her head didn't make her feel any better.
"No, and I'm sure you don't want that, either, Nikki... I bring too much attention wherever I go."
"You're right." As she spoke, the tentative picture of a simple life together in Heidi dissolved into a million pieces. "I'll come with you. Anything for you."
Kimi cuddled up closer to her, and Nikki closed her eyes. She hoped that this would be the last difficult decision she'd have to make.
As quickly as she had arrived in Nikki's life, bringing with her a cacophony of happiness and sadness Nikki had never known, Kimi left. It was viewed by the people of Heidi as somewhat of a relief, as they had tired of the knights and nobles disrupting the peace. The council members had gotten their say, the mayor had been updated with the latest news from the capital, and the glamor had lost its effect.
Nikki was part of the small entourage of people who were there to see her off in the morning. The overall atmosphere was much more relaxed, and Joseph stood between Nikki, Kimi, and the others. He was the only one who knew about their situation, though Kimi had assured her that he didn't know about the being reborn part. "It's just that," she had said, wincing, "they might fear for my mental well-being if I said something to that effect."
Nikki didn't reply to this, and instead took Kimi's hand in her own, stroking her palm with her thumb. "I wanted to give you something."
The queen was silent as Nikki drew the silk from her pocket. It was the palest purple, nearly as light as Kimi's silver hair; nothing fancy or elaborate, but it was the nicest cloth Lunar had in stock. Down the center ran a single, narrow vine from a wisteria tree.
"I don't know where you're going next, or what it's like there," Nikki said, and Kimi's eyes widened nearly imperceptibly. "But in case there aren't any wisteria trees there..."
They both knew without her having to say anything that it was a reminder of their marriage: the day, years ago, that they had stood beneath Sayet Academy's wisteria tree and exchanged vows, as Schiller and Crescent had done before them. She was sure that Kimi would also remember that it was where they had first kissed. (Nikki still didn't know how she had gathered up the nerve to do so.)
Kimi swallowed, running her shaking fingers over the delicate blossoms. "I won't forget you. Promise."
Nikki nodded, and suddenly Kimi's arms were around her, squeezing unexpectedly tightly for such a petite woman. When did her eyes get so watery?
As she tied the ribbon into Kimi's hair, the way she'd done so many times before, she saw Joseph turn to signal that they were about to leave. The dread that had been languishing in Nikki's stomach began to stir again, but she did not let it show. If Kimi could be strong—Kimi, who had to lead Pigeon into a new era by herself; Kimi, who lived at the whim of the churches and citizens—if Kimi could be strong, then Nikki could, at the very least, try.
Still, there was no shortage of tears in her eyes when she disappeared over the horizon again.
"Do you believe in love at first sight?"
Nikki couldn't see the older woman, who had holed up in the back of the shop to finish a shawl, but she could hear the clicks of her needles slow as the question sunk in.
"Truthfully, I do," she said, and Nikki gasped.
"Lunar, are you in love?"
The pause this time was even longer, or perhaps it only felt that way because Nikki was holding her breath. "Three years ago, I met a man," she said finally, and her needles resumed their pattern. "He was from deep in the Renieve Snowpeaks, but came across Heidi, as people do. He told me that the south side of Pigeon has been in a state of unrest for a while... not at war, but enough skirmishes for it to be dangerous."
Nikki perched on the countertop, crossing her ankles as she listened to Lunar speak. Her voice was steady despite the topic, and it had a certain musical quality to it. There would be a time later, she thought, when she would miss it dearly.
"He was tired of it, tired of the fighting. He was willing to do anything to escape it, he said, so he went to the opposite side of the country, and ended up here, of course. We met each other at the inn one night." Lunar hesitated. "That's why I believe in love at first sight."
There was an ache in Nikki's chest already, but still she asked, "What happened?"
"We lived together for several months, but he didn't stay. He felt... guilty about leaving his loved ones, and homesick, though those weren't the words he used."
"You miss him." It wasn't a question. Nikki had no doubt in her mind that Lunar missed him.
"I do."
"But then..." She couldn't get images of Kimi out of her head, like an endless scrolling movie reel with all the moments she'd lived. Kimi genuinely laughing, not even bothering to cover it with her hand like she used to do when she was a teenager, over a joke one night at the kitchen table. Kimi walking towards her, clad in her nightgown and holding her Christmas present, the ribbon tied with a candy-cane and the paper printed with red snowflakes. Lilac glitter on Kimi's eyelids as she stared up into Nikki's, and knowing she would never love anybody the way she loved her. "Why don't you find him?"
"Maybe one day I will." The sigh escaped Lunar's lips at the end of the sentence, betraying her. "But I have so much I want to do, too."
Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, Nikki playing with the hem of her dress while Lunar continued to knit. I'll help you find him, she wanted to say, but she didn't make promises she couldn't keep. Her only promise was to wait here in Heidi for her queen to come back.
"I think I believe in love at first sight, too."
The news blew into Nikki's backyard before it reached the rest of town. It wedged itself between her trellis and her plants, pausing there to flutter in the wind like just another branch. Nikki wouldn't have noticed this if it wasn't lilac, soft against the bright green leaves.
"What's this?" Setting her rose-patterned watering can down next to her, she pulled the ribbon from the trellis, trapping the silk between two fingers. Her heart leapt into her throat when she felt the stiff petals under her fingertips. Kimi?
She hadn't tied it tightly enough, and it had fallen out. Of course. She would just give it back when Kimi returned to Heidi for her. Still, there was no small amount of unease that accompanied her as she tucked the ribbon into her pocket.
The sun set and rose. Nikki went into town; the inn was quiet that evening. She knew at once that something was terribly wrong. The eyes of the few townsfolk that were there darted up at her as she entered before turning back down to their food. She opened her mouth to ask, but thought better of it.
"Nikki."
The innkeeper's voice was low, and Nikki turned to see her standing in the doorway to the kitchen. "Come in," she said, inclining her head, and Nikki followed, one hand in her pocket.
"Landlady Lu, what happened?"
When Nikki thought about the whole universe, the difference between Heidi and Oren, country and city, didn't seem so big after all. That evening, everybody in Pigeon was thinking about the universe; even the nightingales were quiet. There was a crease in Lu Yinian's forehead that hadn't been there before, and she drew a deep breath before she spoke, as if savoring that she could take one at all.
"Two days ago in Linsol, the queen was assassinated. Queen Kimi is dead."
Chapter 3
Notes:
So... this is extremely self indulgent and I'm really sorry to anyone who might, like, happen to have a burning hatred for kpop. I just couldn't get this universe out of my head.
All the thanks to my lovely beta Baek as always, for helping as well as putting up with all my memes. Also, for the formatting, thanks to gadaursan, xslytherclawx, and CodenameCarrot.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Click. Click.
It was raining. Again.
This wasn't an issue, really. Kimi lowered her camera, bending over it to see how the previews turned out. Despite the weather, she could still see the stage, so she stowed her camera in her bag for the time being. It would still be a while before anyone came out on stage, and there was no point in endangering her equipment.
Only the most devoted of regular fans tended to make it to events like these, and it showed. The fans clustered around her were wearing purple underneath their transparent raincoats, and many were checking social media. Kimi recognized most of them, and they knew who she was too, of course. Behind them, she could tell most of the stadium was filled with students at the university. It was between promotional cycles, so the group's only performances tended to be at casual events like these. That wasn't to say it wasn't crowded, though—quite the opposite.
An older man was at the microphone now. He only got a few words out before his voice was drowned out by cheers. Kimi aimed her camera at the stage again.
The girls were wearing the same outfits from one of their stages from the last comeback, though their hair was done up differently. Mela wasn't wearing her extensions, Ransa had hers in a loose ponytail, and Nikki's pink hair was wrapped in a high updo. Kimi's eyes were drawn to her immediately even as she silently noted the appearance of the other members. Their last title track, Queen, had featured an elegant and mature concept, so many of their stage uniforms had followed the same theme. These ones featured an embellished purple coat over their outfit. Kimi was relieved that the stage, at least, was under the cover so they wouldn't get wet.
"Hello, we are Iron Rose!" the five of them chorused, like they'd done a thousand times before, and the crowd screamed louder. Kimi's camera was already recording by now, the lens aimed on Nikki even as Ransa raised her microphone to her mouth.
"It's so great to be here at Yonsei University," Ransa said with a smile, earning another flurry of cheers. "Thank you for coming out today to see us, even though it's raining..."
Many of the students had pulled out their cell phones to record, holding them above their heads despite the rain. Through Kimi's own DSLR camera, zoomed so that Nikki was the focus but not close enough to lose quality, she watched Nikki look out at them worriedly.
She seems more tired than usual, Kimi thought, and didn't realize until their introduction was over that her expression had grown even more worried than Nikki's. Nobody could see her face behind the camera, though; if not for her bright silver hair, she'd look like any other fansite manager. Still, she blinked the expression away and tightened her grip despite the rain running over her hands.
The girls stepped away from the edge of the stage as the introduction to Queen rose up around them. Nikki started in the back, and Kimi aimed at her through the gap between Mela and Debbie. Though she had Nikki's choreography memorized by now, she always stood somewhere different in the crowd and so had to adjust to a new angle each time. As methodical as the process seemed, Kimi had discovered a long time ago that it didn't get old. Seeing Nikki would always inspire her.
She hit each move with a smile as if it were second nature—and more likely than not, it was. But as Kimi shifted the camera to slowly follow her as she danced across the stage, she thought there was something off this time. Nikki didn't seem all there. There was a bead of sweat on her forehead, only visible through the camera's lens, that didn't usually appear when she performed this song. She's sick, said a voice in Kimi's head after a few seconds, and her stomach dropped.
It wasn't uncommon for idols to overwork themselves and become more susceptible to sickness, but considering the group wasn't even in a promotion cycle, Kimi hadn't expected it to happen now. She frowned over her camera, but the film was still rolling. Other fans of the group—those that called themselves Legacies—would probably pick up on it too when she uploaded it later.
But Nikki was good at hiding it; she had several years of experience doing so, after all. She didn't let it detract from her performance, and the crowd was happy all the same as they performed their most popular title tracks. Having debuted three years ago, they had quite a few mini albums worth of songs and even a couple of full albums. Kimi owned more than she knew what to do with—buying albums in bulk so that she could get into fansigns meant she always had extras lying around.
The rain was only a drizzle by the time they finished, but Kimi still took a few parting shots of Nikki as Iron Rose waved goodbye to the crowd. She was sure in her assessment that Nikki at least had a cold, but given the performance she had just given, she was probably holding up all right. During the summer, these things tended to show up randomly and be gone in a day or two. It was just a pity that she'd had to perform at all.
A few of the other fans, even the ones who weren't Nikki-biased, stopped to chat with Kimi and look at her previews as the crowd trickled out. Annabel, who was a fanartist and a die-hard fan of Sherry, still ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the shots of Nikki as Kimi scrolled through her photos on the camera screen. "This era has been so good to her," she said wistfully as Kimi paused on a close-up.
"Their most recent styling has all been excellent," Kimi agreed, slightly preoccupied with how good the picture had turned out. "In my opinion, Sherry had her best look in Rose Oath era. It was like the concept was made for her."
"As long as we never have anything like Ransa's styling back in 2017 ever again," said Noah from over his shoulder. Kimi and Annabel both winced at the memory. It had been so bad that a meme had spread around the fandom for a couple of days in which they would Photoshop Ransa out of photos.
"Agreed," Kimi said as she reached the two test photos she'd taken of the stage before the show began. "Okay, I'm heading home before the rain gets worse, but I'll upload the previews later today."
"Thanks so much, Kimi!" Annabel called. "Will I see you next week?"
"Absolutely," she called over her shoulder as she turned to face the wind.
All Kimi wanted to do at this point was go to her apartment, curl up in a blanket with some coffee, and spend a few lazy hours processing the photos she'd taken. Despite her rain poncho, she had still ended up soaked. So as she set out towards the train station on a sidewalk under the covered awning, she couldn't think of much at all that would come between her and that goal.
That was, until something quite literally appeared in her path. Kimi rounded the corner of the university's building too quickly, and in the next moment she found herself flying, her own legs entangled with Nikki's. Their panicked shouts sounded out as they both tumbled to the ground, Kimi landing ungracefully atop her idol as Nikki's back hit the wet grass.
Kimi had met Nikki many times before, but never in her life had they ever been so close: their faces inches from each other, Kimi's hand instinctively grabbing Nikki's for support, her bony knee jutting into Nikki's thigh. Nikki's unusually expressive eyes widened as she took in what happened, but it was only an instant later that Kimi jumped to her feet, her face reddening.
"I'm—I'm so sorry," she stammered as Nikki blinked and propped herself up on her elbows. Remembering herself a second later, she extended a trembling hand, leaning down so that Nikki could take it if she wanted to. The pink-haired girl seemed more disoriented than anything, taking Kimi's hand without a second thought as she rose from the grass.
"Do we need to call security?" Mela drawled, her hands on her hips as she leaned against their van. Kimi turned to see all four of the other Iron Rose members were giving her varying degrees of suspicious glares. Debbie had a pout on her face as she stepped over to brush off the blades of grass and mud that had stuck to Nikki's back.
"I'm so sorry, it—it was an accident," she insisted, holding up her hands as she took a few cautious steps away. She realized that anyone would give that excuse, whether it was truly an accident or not, but under their intimidating gazes she felt like she'd lost most of her usual boldness.
"Wait, don't!"
Nikki reached over and stilled Mela's hand, which was hovering over her cell phone. The pink-haired girl was shaking her head, her eyes still wide.
"Don't you recognize her? She runs Miraculous Nikki, my fansite! You know, the one who gave me the pearl bracelet, and the stuffed Momo, and those cute socks!"
"Wait, those were all her?" Ransa asked, and Nikki nodded enthusiastically.
"Mhm! She's no creep." Kimi was only blushing harder now as Nikki turned curious eyes on her. "As far as I can remember, you've never approached me after an event like this before."
"Yeah, I didn't mean to," Kimi repeated, and found it was a little easier to talk now that Nikki had defended her. Her mind was filled with an odd static, as if there were hundreds of competing thoughts begging for her attention, but she pushed them away. "I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing. I really am sorry."
"It's okay," Nikki insisted, touching her shoulder lightly. "You won't have to wait too long for your train, right?"
Kimi was rendered speechless for a moment. So much for finding her voice. Stupid. Don't get starstruck now. "No, they come fairly quickly. Don't worry about me." She let a small smile rise to her lips as she turned to look at Nikki, hoping it might help convince her she really would be alright.
"All right." Nikki smiled back.
That smile she'd seen a thousand times before, in photos and memories and, on these rare occasions, up close. She knew it well enough to know it was genuine, because that was who Nikki was: someone who gave her all, because giving her all was the only option.
There was a fleeting moment of connection between them, an instant where they were just two girls smiling at each other, and then Kimi turned her eyes away and it was lost. After all, they weren't simply two girls. One of them was an international superstar, and the other was just a fan—albeit a devoted one.
Letting herself forget that was irresponsible. And that was one thing Kimi could never be.
It was one in the morning. The final pictures were live.
Kimi shut her laptop and grabbed another wad of tissues, tugging her blanket closer around her and groaning lightly. Her apartment was too bright, but she was too tired to even get off the couch to turn off the light. Instead, she let her eyes droop shut and pressed a hand to her forehead.
She really didn't want to admit to herself the most likely reason she was sick, but there wasn't much escaping the fact: Nikki had almost certainly been the source. Their contact yesterday—well, technically two days ago now—had been brief, but there'd been ample opportunity for her to catch something.
The only part that didn't make sense was that if Kimi was this sick now, how on Earth could Nikki have been performing so well?
She yawned. Perhaps she'd just been on the tail end of it. As much as she cared about Nikki's wellbeing, she couldn't devote much brainpower to thinking about it at the moment. She unlocked her phone, sending off a quick tweet to tell her followers she might not be online for a while, and collapsed before her screen could flicker off.
She woke the next afternoon feeling rested, but not much better. It was only the pang in her stomach that convinced her to get up and fix something, anything, to eat. As she heated up yesterday's leftovers, she scrolled through her notifications from the pictures she'd uploaded. The vast majority were retweets and favorites, with a few admiring replies sprinkled in. The second tweet she'd made, the one apologizing for her absence in advance, hadn't been spread nearly as far, but had its share of hearts and well-wishes in the replies too.
At first, Kimi had found the attention intimidating. When she was younger, she'd only been a casual listener of kpop, never one to follow groups closely enough to become familiar with what fansite photographers did. But when Pigeon Entertainment released its lineup for Iron Rose, there was something that drew her to Nikki, made her want to know more. Becoming a fansite manager hadn't exactly been her intention starting out, just something that evolved as Kimi found herself attending all of Iron Rose's events anyways. By nature of being the fansite that stuck with Nikki for years, she'd become the most popular one.
And apparently that meant other fans cared about her health.
She hadn't bothered to check Instagram yet, where she'd also posted a couple of photos and a short segment of the video, but just as she was about to take a bite of her lunch, the sound of a push notification made her pause.
There was only one reason she would get a push notification from Instagram.
She picked up her phone, wondering if her settings had been reset, and squinted at the message. When she blinked and it didn't change, she unlocked it and read.
There were three dots, indicating that Nikki was typing. Nikki, somewhere across the city, was writing a message to Kimi. A moment later, it appeared on her screen.
NIKKI: sorry I don't know your name either! ransa said I should ask.
Kimi's heart stopped.
Nikki, you are too sweet for your own good.
Her fingers trembled a bit as she opened up the keyboard and began to type her reply.
KIMI: Thank you for taking the time to message me. I am feeling under the weather, but I can't say where the sickness is from. Your kind words are appreciated and I'll be doing lots of resting.
She paused, and added,
KIMI: You can tell Ransa my name is Kimi.
In hindsight, the message was a little cold. But Kimi had never been one to cheerfully share her emotions, especially not to Nikki. It was easiest to just be herself, even if that person was, all things considered, quite different from her idol. Admittedly, the idea of Nikki finding her dull was not one Kimi was excited about, but she couldn't just come up with a new personality on the spot.
NIKKI: I'm really sorry you're sick after all! I thought maybe I could have read too much into it, but I just had a feeling... and ah, I gave you the wrong idea! it was me that wanted to know. ransa just said she was tired of hearing me talk about it haha
Kimi stood up slowly before walking over to her sofa and landing on it face-down.
NIKKI: anyways, nice to finally know your name, kimi! I know we don't have anything on our schedule for the next few weeks you can come to, but I hope to see you at our next event once you're feeling better!!
A delirious laugh bubbled up from within her before she could stop it.
KIMI: Thanks, Nikki, I'll see you there.
For some reason, the entire situation was ludicrous in a way Kimi couldn't understand. In all her years as a fan, Nikki had never gone so far as to privately message her, especially not in such a familiar manner—as if they were friends. As if they could be friends.
Couldn't they be?
She let herself imagine it for just a minute. Meeting up with Nikki during spare moments of her schedule to grab drinks or a bite to eat. Nikki pointing out her favorite shots from Kimi's previews. Looking after Nikki's cat Momo for her while she was busy. Planting flowers together.
Kimi paused. Her thoughts had become domestic... rather quickly. Too quickly.
She looked around, feeling oddly exposed even in the small, empty apartment. If she was allowing herself to fantasize about a relationship with someone she could never have, perhaps she wasn't doing as well as she'd thought.
All things considered, Kimi trusted Reid. The boy, now a man, had been a friend of hers since grade school, and even though he didn't understand her commitments to being a fansite photographer, they still had a bond from everything they'd gone through together. So, in hindsight, she shouldn't have been surprised when he showed up at her apartment with takeout only a few hours after she mentioned she was sick on her personal Twitter.
He held two bags and smiled at her, tipping his head to the side. Kimi blinked at him for a moment before the smell hit her, and her stomach whimpered in response. She'd been so out of it that she hadn't even considered cooking during the short bursts when she was awake, but microwave noodles would only get her so far.
She folded her arms, and his grin widened.
"I thought I told you no more random gifts."
"Kimi, I just heard your stomach. If you don't eat something, I'll be seriously annoyed."
She pouted before swiping the bag from his hand and turning towards her kitchen. Out of the corner of her eye, she could just glimpse his smile softening.
"You're lucky you didn't wake me up, or I'd probably be in a bad mood," she deadpanned, and he chuckled, following her with his own bag.
"Ha-ha. I only wanted to do you a favor." They sat down, and she felt his eyes on her as she opened the container of stew. Kimi paused.
"...Thank you."
"You're welcome. Always welcome."
Most other girls would have flushed at those words. For Kimi they had no effect. Reid might have been considered an ideal romantic partner to them, but she knew—and she suspected he knew, too—that she would never feel that way towards a man. She had never said as much aloud, and as she devoted more and more time to running Miraculous Nikki, the idea of dating either men or women became more absurd. Her work and Iron Rose were too important for others to get in the way.
It wasn't like she hadn't thought about it. Ideally, if she dated, it would be another fan, someone who wouldn't be bothered by Kimi's schedule, who understood her devotion on a fundamental level. Reid only tolerated it, pretended to understand, but the expressions that flitted across his face when she brought it up told the truth. She stirred her soup. Nowadays, she avoided the topic.
"I always wondered how you didn't get sick more often in all those crowds," he said anyways. "I appreciate the chance to come spoil you, but it's unfortunate."
She rolled her eyes. "I don't get sick all that often, and it happens. Don't worry too much about me."
Though she was trying to keep the conversation light-hearted, Reid didn't laugh. When her words were met with silence, she glanced back up from her food, frowning.
"What?"
He grimaced. "Sorry, I know a lot of things have changed, but it's difficult not to."
A familiar pang of annoyance rose inside her as she set her spoon down. "Reid, I'm an adult, and even though I appreciate your help I can take care of myself. Please, don't..." She hefted out a sigh. "Don't patronize me."
There was a moment where she thought he wouldn't reply, where she thought the conversation had ended as quickly as it had started. Reid chewed, swallowed contemplatively, glanced around her kitchen. It was well-stocked and clean, fit with new appliances and larger than the typical apartment's. Even in her state, Kimi refused to let it get messy—proof, she thought, that she could take care of herself.
"You can't live off your father's money forever."
She started. "What?"
"How long are you going to keep using it to fund your activities? I know how much these things bring in, Kimi, and there's no way you'd be making enough to survive without relying on him. You're twenty-one now. Don't you think you should focus on something else?"
Reid's gaze was full of such intense pity that her only instinct was to look away, grit her teeth and try to keep her feelings under control.
"Reid, I told you I don't want your advice on this."
"It needs to be said—"
"I'm. Doing. Fine. And you're not my financial advisor—"
"I'm your friend, Kimi, and I want you to be able to support yourself, especially seeing as you're still single—"
"Enough."
Reid's mouth finally snapped shut, but it was too late. Kimi was already seeing red, and she'd pushed away the food he'd gotten her without realizing it. The room was silent, but she couldn't tell over the ringing in her ears.
"I get it, okay? I know I'm not doing everything perfectly or the way you want me to, but I don't regret anything I've done. I'm living my life the way I want to, and that means I'm running a fansite and going to concerts instead of running a company and going to conferences. We won't see eye to eye on this, so I suggest you let it rest."
Reid was not looking at her anymore, but she still watched him for a long while, waiting for him to chance a response. For a reason she couldn't place, he had struck a nerve within her, said the exact combination of words that made her snap, and as her mind cleared she wondered why.
He hadn't spoken a word against Nikki herself. That, they both knew, was off-limits, because Kimi refused to let Nikki be dragged between her and Reid, to listen to whatever he might say about her. This was a boundary he didn't cross, at least. He probably knew that if it came down to it, she would pick Nikki every time.
Was it that he mentioned she was single?
Reid finally sighed. "I should go."
Kimi didn't want to agree, but her headache had come back, and with it her mood. "Finish your food," she said. "I'm going back to sleep."
He didn't say another word as she put her unfinished food into the refrigerator and retreated to the dark safety of her room. There, she laid in her bed and did not move until, several minutes later, she heard Reid's footsteps and the sound of him locking the front door as he left.
Kimi trusted Reid to remember her favorite foods, to correct her answers in math class, and to always lock her apartment when he left. But she didn't trust his advice, for one simple reason: she couldn't shake the suspicion that he couldn't separate his feelings from what he thought was best for her.
Bumping into your idol once was a coincidence. Bumping into your idol twice... well, that could still be a coincidence too, couldn't it?
Strictly speaking, Kimi wasn't the one who bumped into Nikki this time. It was the other way around, Nikki turning too quickly in the small, crowded coffee shop and elbowing Kimi in the side. Kimi scowled, her own hands full of coffee for herself and Annabel, and turned around only to be greeted with the designer sunglasses Nikki usually wore at airports. Both of their eyes widened at the same time as they recognized each other, and Nikki went pink.
"I'm so sorry, Kimi!"
Later, she would think about how quickly the other girl remembered her name, even though she'd never used it except once over text. Now, though, it was all she could do to not lose her own head.
"Ah, I didn't expect to see you here!" Kimi stammered out, looking around as if she might see the other Iron Rose members.
"Oh, rehearsal ended early," Nikki said, beaming. "I don't think I've seen you here either, before...?"
"Was just meeting a friend," Kimi said, raising the other cup. A long moment passed in which neither of them seemed to know what to say, and Kimi felt herself start to wither under the tension.
"Anyways, I should—"
"Yeah, I'll—"
They both stopped at the same time, and Kimi was sure Nikki was blushing now.
"Bye!" Kimi said, too loudly, and darted away.
Annabel was sitting at one of the tables outside, engrossed in her phone until Kimi sank down into the seat across from her. "Thanks," she said, accepting the drink, before she did a double take. "Woah, you okay?"
"I'm fine," she said quickly, pulling her own drink towards her. "Just, uh, ran into Nikki." She added this in a low voice so that only Annabel could hear.
The other girl nearly spat out her tea. "Are you serious? Haha. Did she recognize you?"
"We talked a bit."
"That explains why you look like that, then."
Kimi shot her a death glare as Annabel giggled. Normally she really didn't get that flustered, but something about seeing Nikki unexpectedly had thrown her off guard. In fact, she thought it was the first time they saw each other outside of their usual context and dynamic. She took half a second to regret running out so quickly.
As Annabel mused aloud about the group's schedule, Kimi's phone pinged.
Oh.
KIMI: Sorry, I didn't know what else to say. I hope you didn't take it the wrong way.
NIKKI: it's alright! I just wanted to make sure you knew you don't have to worry about bothering me. I've always sort of been curious about you, so to be honest I was nervous too.
"Who's texting you? And why do you suddenly look like a tomato again?" Annabel teased. "Ooh, is Kimi in love?"
"I am not in love," she stated, her fingers hovering over the keyboard as she considered her response.
KIMI: That... actually makes me feel a lot better, haha. Thank you.
NIKKI: (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes)
So they were both blushing messes around each other. Kimi supposed that made sense even in a purely platonic way. After all, they had supposedly known each other for three years, and had met a number of times at events, but still had yet to have a conversation lasting more than a few minutes. It was, to put it lightly, a weird relationship.
Annabel was rolling her eyes. "Whoever you're talking to had better be really cute, Kimi."
No matter how much Kimi liked Annabel, she wasn't ready yet to tell her that she and Nikki sometimes messaged each other, too. So she kept quiet, and smiled.
"You could say that."
It wasn't the last time Nikki messaged her. Over the next few days, she was surprised to get a few food pictures and a story about Momo eating her leftovers. It took her a few messages to catch on to the idea that Nikki might be doing it so that they could talk without any anxiety ruining it.
Or she could just be really busy, Kimi's pessimistic side supplied.
But she still wants to talk to me, insisted her optimistic side.
So Kimi began to start conversations, too, recommending books she had read and sometimes bringing up current events. Though Nikki usually didn't respond immediately, busy as she was, she always seemed happy to hear from Kimi.
Damn right he is, Kimi thought. Reid had apologized for upsetting her while she was sick, sending a note along with even more food, but she had still been wary by the time he'd called her up that morning asking her if she was available. Still, she agreed, hoping that the change of pace would help them go back to a semblance of normalcy.
The little she could see of the summer sky as she walked home was pink and streaked with clouds, and Kimi put her phone back in her bag. It was still hot enough that she could wear her shorter skirts and still feel fine by the end of the day, but she knew that it wasn't long before fall hit, then winter: another season of wrapping herself in her puffy coat and royal purple Iron Rose scarf while waiting in lines.
KIMI: I guess it's just funny that he thinks running a fansite is a waste of my time, until suddenly he needs my skills for himself.
As she hit send, she wondered briefly if it was too soon to admit something like that, but she was frustrated, and something about Nikki made her think she'd understand. Besides, Nikki had been sharing pieces of herself with the world through interviews and social media for years. Maybe Kimi wanted to make up for the imbalance.
The reply didn't come immediately.
NIKKI: ouch. I'm... really sorry, that must be so demoralizing
KIMI: It's okay. I don't regret my choices no matter what he says. And I've enjoyed every moment of being a Legacy.
Every moment with you, she thought but didn't say.
NIKKI: I feel so touched that we have fans like you, kimi. doing it for you is what makes it all worth it!!
KIMI: It's funny, but I think us fansites feel the exact same way... Running the site, going to the events, doing it for you is why it's worthwhile.
When Pigeon Entertainment announced Iron Rose's next mini-album, Rose Romance, the communication between Nikki and Kimi didn't slow down.
Kimi rolled her eyes fondly at the emoji. She couldn't hide the relief—and the slight flip of her stomach—that came along with reading that Nikki wanted to see her more.
Idiot, she messages me every day. Of course she'd want to see me.
It was with these mixed feelings that Kimi went into Iron Rose's first fansign: anticipation at seeing Nikki again, a little sadness at how quiet their messages had been, and hope that the promotional cycle hadn't been too hard on her.
"You have a letter," Annabel said, startling Kimi out of her thoughts. She looked down at the envelope in her hands, then back up at the shorter girl. "You never have a letter."
"Oh," Kimi said. She was right: though Kimi almost always brought gifts to fansigns, she had never seen the point in bringing a letter each time. Nikki knew who she was, and she'd never really had anything she wanted Nikki to know. "It's not actually a letter, it's a drawing."
Annabel's eyebrows shot up. "Well, now I really need to see this."
"Don't redline it, okay?" She passed the folded-up paper to the fanartist.
She'd drawn a short little comic about Momo on the set of their newest music video. Annabel wasn't aware of it, but it was based on a conversation they'd had about how Nikki had always wanted Momo to appear in a music video. Their most recent concept had been on the softer side, and the mental image of the chaotic white cat running around in the background of the music video had been too good not to share.
Once Annabel realized what it was, she started laughing. "This is too good," she said, passing it back and grinning. "I didn't even know you could draw!"
"I used to design clothes," she admitted. "Only recreationally, of course. I don't really draw anymore."
"Good," Annabel said, giving her a dark look. "I can't have you dethroning me!"
They were split up when the event started, Annabel sitting closer to the front and Kimi off to the side. As her turn to approach Iron Rose drew nearer, she tried not to stare at Nikki, but not having her camera out to fiddle with was making her restless. The girl was wearing a crown of red roses in her soft pink hair, smiling as she signed each album.
Oh, no.
When Kimi walked up, she felt the other girl's eyes on her at last. She wasted little time passing her album to Mela before making a beeline for where Nikki was sitting further down the table.
At last, their gazes met, and both girls broke into a grin.
"Hey, Kimi."
Kimi didn't think she could get redder.
"Hi, Nikki. This is for you."
Nikki seemed as surprised as Annabel had been when Kimi presented her with the envelope, though Kimi imagined that it was even more unexpected for Nikki to get what looked like a letter from a girl who could (and did) message her any time she wanted. But when Nikki actually saw what was on the page, she burst out laughing.
Debbie, who was sitting next to her, glanced over in surprise before catching sight of Kimi's drawing. She looked from Nikki to Kimi, her eyes narrowed, but neither of them saw her. Kimi couldn't look away from the sight of Nikki's smile. She'd seen it thousands of times already, but she didn't think it had ever felt quite like this.
"I love this so much," she giggled, and covered her mouth with her hand as she went to sign Kimi's album. Kimi's mind, normally so clear, felt like it was filled with static, though one distinct thought did make its way through: she shouldn't cover her mouth, her laugh is cute.
"I'm glad."
Nikki looked back up at Kimi, and for some reason neither of them said anything for a few moments. It was nice, Kimi thought, to just be in her presence again. Only when Ransa poked Nikki in the side did she look away.
Like she had forgotten where she was, and like for a second, they were only Nikki and Kimi.
Now I've really lost my head, Kimi's inner pessimist griped. She went to go sit down anyways, but only because she still needed to take pictures.
Kimi stepped out to her balcony. It had finally started to get chilly, and usually the night air helped her calm down and come to her senses. Besides, sometimes her little apartment got a bit lonely, so she would watch the people far below her on the streets. The Han River was twinkling with the lights of the city, and there was a green light shining out from a skyscraper the other side.
She knew this was the perfect time to ask Nikki to do something outside of idol work, just the two of them and no expectations or rules, but she couldn't get herself to type the words. There were just too many unknowns, from what the news outlets might pick up on, to the lingering question of whether Nikki even wanted to spend free time with her. Just because they got along outside of their "professional relationship", as Kimi liked to call it, didn't mean they had to be best friends.
NIKKI: also, one of my favorite events is coming up soon ^^ though it's not one you've ever been to, maybe you know what it is?
KIMI: Oh - is it the Halloween party? Haha, the pictures of it always look fun.
Nearly every idol from the biggest companies got together in costume each Halloween in a truly spectacular party, and it was an understatement to say that fans looked forward to seeing the pictures of everybody dressed up. Obviously it was a private event, so Kimi had never been, though she couldn't admit she'd never wanted to. She wasn't much of a party person, but she felt like she would get good photos.
NIKKI: that's it!
NIKKI: and um, don't take it the wrong way if you're not interested, but we're allowed to invite people, and I wanted you to come with me! not as a photographer, of course, but as a date~
Kimi nearly dropped her phone off the balcony.
Once she had stepped a good five feet away, she reread the message, stunned. Every question she'd been having about Nikki went flying away, only to be replaced with several more. It took a few moments for her to realize Nikki meant "date" in the platonic sense—a date to an event didn't necessarily imply romantic interest. Still: why her?
Nikki's chat bubble was appearing and disappearing as she apparently deliberated on another message, so Kimi quickly typed out her reply.
KIMI: I'd love to go. I'm touched.
NIKKI: great!!!!!!
NIKKI: haha, debbie is looking at me funny again. I thought she was asleep by now (Cat Face With Tears Of Joy)
KIMI: Does she know we talk? I didn't tell any of my friends; I didn't want to reveal anything about you that you didn't want them to know.
NIKKI: ... eeh, not really! I mentioned to all of Iron Rose back at the beginning that I was going to message you, but I don't think any of them realize we're friends. though I guess they'll find out at the party!
The time Mela had almost called security on her flashed back through her head, and Kimi shuddered. Hopefully that was just a one-time thing.
NIKKI: but yeah, the main thing to remember is definitely no cameras, and you gotta pick out a good costume!! I haven't decided what to be yet, but it's still far out. maybe we could meet up and come up with something!
KIMI: I'd love that.
Before Nikki succumbed to the sleep she so needed, they decided to see each other that week and have coffee. Kimi told her goodnight and turned off her screen, but even when she was looking out at the quieting city, she could still see Nikki's messages in her head.
"That is not your color. Or your style."
Nikki gave an experimental twirl anyways, the puffy yellow-orange fabric brushing against the chaise. "And what if I don't care?"
"Before you say anything else, just turn around and look at yourself in the mirror."
She turned, and deflated. "Oh."
Despite her disappointment, Kimi had to hold back a smile. This must have been the tenth shop they visited that day alone, trying to find the perfect dress for Nikki's half of their costume. As much fun as it had been, their prospects were clearly dwindling. Kimi knew enough to feel certain that the type of dress they were looking for wasn't in style at all.
"I guess I've gotten used to having stylists pick things out for me so often," Nikki admitted as she pulled the dress off and tugged her blouse back on. "Besides, for music videos like Rose Romance, most of the clothes are designed for us specifically. For some reason, that's definitely the most exciting part for me." Her eyes went unfocused as she clutched the dress to her chest.
After three years, Kimi had a pretty deep-rooted instinct to take a photo at times like this, times when Nikki was being irresistibly adorable. She often played it up for the camera's sake, but there was no denying she had a natural charm. Kimi had spent an abnormal amount of time pretending she wasn't susceptible before finally, with enough pestering from other fans, admitting that Nikki was cute.
She obviously didn't have her camera today, though, so she shook her head and considered. "Well, there's an idea."
"Where?" Nikki paused. "I don't think I could ask my company to design me something just for the Halloween party."
"Ah. I didn't tell you."
Nikki was looking at Kimi with a curious expression on her face as she set the dress down. "Tell me what?"
"My father is the CEO of an apparel company. If I pulled a few strings, I could design something for you and have it made. I'm an amateur designer myself, though I haven't done it for years."
"Wait, are you serious?" Nikki exclaimed. "That's so cool! I never knew you designed clothes!"
Nikki thought it was cool? Kimi tried not to feel let down. "Becoming a designer was something I considered, but following in the steps of my father didn't appeal to me. I wanted to choose my own path, wherever it may take me." She sighed. "Remember the friend I told you about, Reid? He did everything I didn't do: went to business school, inherited his father's company, became the portrait of success. He likes to rub it in my face every chance he gets, as though that was something I had wanted in the first place."
Nikki had been watching her with a serious expression, but as Kimi looked away, she saw the other girl smile. "I think that's really admirable, Kimi. And you said you don't regret it, right?"
Kimi hesitated. To Reid, to her father, to anyone who didn't understand, she usually told them that she didn't regret a single moment. She wasn't open to having her life choices analyzed by people who didn't see how passionate she was about her fansite, but it was a different story with Nikki. If anybody understood, it would be her.
"I won't say I've never looked back and thought about what my life might be like if I had become a designer after all. Truthfully, I think I would have been good at it, and there's no denying it would have been easier. But..." Her voice was small. "I would have spent most of my time around older men, people who would likely never see me as an equal. I'd have to act strong and resilient every day, just so I'd be taken seriously. I would never have gotten the chance to seriously focus on any skills outside of those needed in the workforce. I was only eighteen then, and I wasn't ready to sign my life away."
She sank down onto the chaise next to Nikki, feeling drained. Nikki reached out and rubbed her back, almost instinctively.
"Then I think you must have made the right choice. You made friends this way, too, right? Friends that won't make you feel inferior. You know, I'm questioning if this Reid guy is even much of a friend at all, if that's how he treats you."
Kimi glanced up at her, about to defend him, but the sudden realization of how close they were to each other made her forget what she'd been intending to say.
"I never could have admitted most of that to him, so honestly, he has nothing on you."
Something lit up in Nikki's amber eyes, and her lips pursed, as if to say something. As she leaned closer, though, the intercom above them clicked on.
"Attention shoppers, the VIP Privilege Boutique will be closing in fifteen minutes. Please bring any items you wish to purchase to the registers in the front of the store. Thank you for choosing VIP."
"Ah," Kimi said. Nikki had let out the slightest of squeaks when she'd heard the voice, and Kimi's mind had been sent spinning, overwhelmed between everything that was happening. Next to her, the pink-haired girl leapt from her seat.
"I guess we'd better get going!" Nikki said with a laugh, scooping up the dresses she'd been trying on and reaching for the door handle.
"Wait, Nikki."
She turned around. "Yeah?"
It was obvious she was nervous, but Kimi couldn't bring herself to question why. Going down that route was not allowed.
Except Nikki thought of her as a friend more than a fan, she'd said as much before, but...
"Could I make you the dress, then?"
Nikki relaxed. "Kimi, of course! It'd be a huge help, I don't know how I could make it up—"
"Don't be silly. You don't have to make anything up at all. I'd love to do it."
"Awesome! We'll be the best-dressed couple at the party!" Kimi raised an eyebrow, and Nikki went pink again. "I meant the costumes!"
Thankfully, neither of them decided to point out that the pair they were dressing up as weren't exactly a couple.
As the first few guests trickled through the gates, a certain black-haired woman—blonde for the night—couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from her groupmate, his profile visible through the window. The night was meant to be about having a good time without the influence of the press, but she couldn't do that if he was still ignoring her.
"Let it go, Ming."
Ming Shuiyuan spun around to shoot an icy glare at Yue Qianshuang, the youngest of the group, who was unsuccessfully holding back a laugh.
"Come on, you're dressed as Elsa. You sort of have it coming."
"Not now, please." She shook her head before gesturing at the younger woman's Mulan getup. "Why don't you go find your Li Shang?"
"Ruosheng is getting food."
Ming Shuiyuan winced at the mention of Zhu Yuxian's younger cousin. "Could we talk about something else, then?"
"Sure. Have you seen any good costumes?"
She had to think for a second. "Chloris and Cesare got here about five minutes ago. They're dressed up as a pretty convincing elf and a vampire."
Yue Qianshuang snorted. "That's not very far from how they normally look, honestly." Still, she nodded approvingly when Ming Shuiyuan pointed out the sibling duo walking into the building.
There was a brief pause before Yue Qianshuang let out a low whistle. "Look, Debbie and Nikki from Iron Rose just got here."
She looked. Approaching the gates were not two but three figures; she supposed one of them had brought a guest. As she picked out their costumes, it became obvious whose guest it was.
Debbie was dressed as a grumpy-looking Minion, and the sight was honestly shaping up to be one of the best parts of Ming Shuiyuan's night so far. The other two were dressed to the nines, as if it was a fancy dinner party in the 20s rather than a Halloween party in 2019. Nikki's dress was lacy, purple, and covered in a number of tassels up the side, while the shorter figure next to her was wearing an all-white suit.
"They're dressed up like Daisy and Jay from the Great Gatsby," she said in sudden recognition, turning to Yue Qianshuang.
"Oh, I see it! They look nice." The younger woman tilted her head thoughtfully. "I didn't know Nikki had a girlfriend."
"Girl...?" Ming Shuiyuan tried to catch a closer glimpse of her partner, but they had turned their head away to talk. "Ah. I assumed it was a man at first."
Yue Qianshuang laughed again. "No, definitely not. But I was only joking, I have no idea which way Nikki swings."
"Aren't you two friends?"
She shrugged. "Nikki is friends with a lot of people, and I'm sure she knows about me, but she doesn't tell me things like that."
"Fair enough." Iron Rose was hardly a rookie group, but Nikki was smart to not make her romantic inclinations public knowledge. A dating scandal was the last thing she needed to get involved in. So Ming Shuiyuan watched the pair dressed as Jay and Daisy flit across the lawn and into the building, no reason to believe they were anything but friends.
It may have been cool out, but Nikki's hand in Kimi's was unexpectedly warm as she tugged her through the gates and towards the entrance. She was close enough to see the pink-haired girl had goosebumps on her skin, and momentarily felt bad for how differently they were dressed.
"It'll be better inside," Nikki said, as though reading her thoughts, so they hurried past the unconcerned pair of Disney princesses standing by the hedges, unaware they were being watched at all. Debbie followed at a short distance, in less of a rush.
For some reason, everything had been fine when Kimi and Nikki were preparing their costumes together. She'd been to Nikki's dorm for the first time that afternoon so that they could do their hair and makeup. Debbie, her roommate, had been in and out, apparently having trouble deciding between being a creepy doll and a Minion. By the time she decided, she didn't have time to do the doll makeup anyways.
Now, though, Kimi felt her stomach flipping as she caught sight of everybody up close. The barriers she had so carefully kept up for years felt like they were being shattered with each step, and she was suddenly grateful for her costume. Nikki gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as they passed through the doors, and Kimi smiled before returning it.
The room, which seemed to originally have been a reception area, had been completely transformed: the lights were dim, and a number of surprisingly realistic Halloween decorations lined the walls. They nearly covered up the Cloud Entertainment logo, but Kimi could just barely see it between the silhouettes of a few people.
"Aren't you two just adorable," a low voice drawled, and Kimi turned as Mela made her way out of the crowd. She seemed to be dressed as a succubus, and the heavy makeup made her almost unrecognizable at first. "You told her not to bring her camera, right?" she asked, the question obviously directed at Nikki.
Kimi bristled, but Nikki just gave a single nod in response. "I think we're gonna go say hi to some of the others and get something to drink."
"All right," Mela said, rolling her eyes. "Don't forget to get your picture taken before it gets messed up. God knows it's only a matter of time with her wearing a white suit. Xiao Zong's got some intern in that side room doing it."
"Oh, good idea! Do you want to?" Nikki asked, and Kimi smiled.
"Yes, I'd like to have pictures. Could I send one to my father? He's interested in seeing how the dress turned out."
Mela hadn't been exaggerating about the photographer being an intern. The man standing behind the camera looked like he had no idea how he found himself there, and when he noticed them come in he flinched before offering them a smile.
"Nikki! You and your guest look lovely," he said, sizing Kimi up. "Did you want your photo taken?"
"That would be fantastic, thank you!" Nikki beamed, clasping her hands together. Kimi followed her towards the screen that had been set up, and they tried a few poses. Eventually they settled on one with their backs towards each other, Nikki's hand below her chin and Kimi's arms folded.
"We're ready," Kimi said.
Nothing happened. The man behind the camera seemed to be fiddling with the settings. After a few seconds, he offered a meek, "Sorry, I got stuck on this screen and I don't know how to... I only ever used cell phone cameras before."
"Oh, for Christ's sake." Kimi dropped her pose. The man jumped out of her way immediately when he realized she was going to help him. She'd never used a camera like this either, but she thought navigating the menus wasn't beyond her scope of experience.
He immediately started babbling as she zeroed in. "I don't even know how I ended up here, I was supposed to be a waiter, but I'm dating Bai Yongxi's cousin and I think he put me here as some sort of test!"
"Why does that not surprise me," Kimi muttered, and stepped away. "There. Now just don't press any other buttons, and you should be fine."
Unadulterated shock passed over his face. "Thank you so much, sir!"
"Sir?" Kimi glanced at Nikki, who seemed as confused as she was. "Oh, I'm just dressed up as a man." She really didn't think it was that convincing, all things considered, but she gave the clearly frazzled man the benefit of the doubt.
They made their way through the party, Kimi going largely unrecognized. She had seen many of the people there at award shows and other events, but they had no reason to pay her any mind then. As far as everyone else was concerned, she was just a young woman named Kimi who happened to know Nikki.
It was a nice change.
She thought she wasn't the only one who was enjoying being themselves. Everybody may have been wearing a costume, but Kimi felt like she was seeing a more relaxed side to the idols in attendance that she'd never seen in any of their public appearances. Even though they were just strangers to her, she couldn't help but enjoy the atmosphere for what it was.
"Nikki! There you are," Debbie said, ducking beneath a curtain and joining them by the drinks table. Mela followed her, stopping to pick up a glass of wine. "I'm so glad I didn't dress up as the doll. It's okay if people call me cute as a Minion, but if they said it when I was trying to be creepy I might cry."
Nikki laughed. "Have you caught up with the others yet? Are they even here?"
Debbie shook her head. "I think Ransa and Sherry are going to be late. You know how it is with those two."
How it was exactly, Kimi didn't find out. A woman about Kimi's height dressed up as Mulan appeared just as Debbie finished talking, waving at the three Iron Rose members. "Hey, you guys! Nikki, who's your guest? You look great together!"
"Thanks! This is my friend Kimi. Kimi, Yue Qianshuang. Though we mostly use her stage name Yue."
"Nice to meet you!" Yue said enthusiastically as they bowed. "Have you seen the haunted maze yet? It's pretty amazing, if you ask me."
"So you're saying you set it up," Mela said, one eyebrow raised.
Yue pouted. "It's not my fault I'm the only one with good ideas around here! Actually, Zhu helped me come up with ideas, so I can't take all the credit."
"Now I'm actually scared," Debbie muttered.
Yue just laughed. "Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that part."
Nikki seemed to be considering it, though. "What do you say? Wanna try it?" she asked Kimi.
"Sure. You can hide behind me when you get spooked."
Mela snorted, and Yue looked positively gleeful.
"Oh, is that what you think?" Nikki grinned. "I guess we'll have to try it after all, then. Thanks for telling us about it."
"It's my pleasure," Yue said, and when Kimi looked back at her she swore she saw her wink. They finished their drinks quickly and were about to move towards the exit when she added, "Don't forget, it's chilly out there!"
Kimi froze. "Oh, of course." She took off her heavy suit jacket and offered it to Nikki, who didn't have anything warmer than the sleeveless dress she wore. She was acutely aware of three pairs of eyes on her, but she ignored them, choosing instead to watch Nikki's eyes light up.
"Are you sure you don't need it, Kimi?"
"I'm sure, I'm wearing long sleeves, after all."
Nikki shrugged the coat on and glanced at the others. "We'll see you guys later!"
"Let me know how it is!" Yue called after them.
"Mela, should we..."
"Don't even think about it."
There was practically nobody by the hedge maze, and the entrance was difficult to find. Kimi wasn't sure if she was relieved to be alone with Nikki or not. On the one hand, Nikki was the one person here she felt comfortable around, but on the other hand, she wasn't sure how Nikki felt about the interactions that had just gone down. Did she realize Yue had been, well, trying to set them up? Both of them had clearly played right into her hands, too, which perhaps said more about them than about her.
"Here it is," Nikki said, disappearing into the hedges and behind a corner. Kimi followed, watching the lights of the garden disappear.
"You know we're going to get so lost," she deadpanned. "It took way too long just to find the entrance."
Nikki giggled. "Maybe we shouldn't go too far in, then?" They met eyes, and Kimi shivered.
"We're gonna forget the way back anyways if we see something scary," Kimi said, as if that was a justification for getting lost.
"You're right. Let's just have fun in it. Yue wouldn't have sent us in if it was impossible." Nikki held out her hand for the second time that night, and Kimi took it.
"Scared already, Nikki?"
"No!"
Kimi laughed. "Then let's change that."
The maze probably would have been less scary during the day. Kimi wouldn't admit it aloud, but the skeletons lurking around the corners and the fake eyeballs staring out from the shrubs were quite unnerving. However, the deeper they got into the maze, the less and less they saw of the Halloween props, until eventually they stopped seeing them altogether. As she and Nikki wove a path through the hedges, occasionally stopping to double back, she felt like they had been transported to another world entirely, far away from the party of celebrities happening on the same property. Their hands stayed clasped together, and even though there was a chill in the air, Kimi didn't feel cold even once.
"Nikki," Kimi whispered. "Wait, can we stop?"
The pink-haired girl looked at her and paused. "Is something wrong?"
"I think we're going the wrong way."
Her eyes widened. "How can you tell?"
"It's just a hunch," Kimi admitted. "But what if Yue only put the decorations among the main route? It's kind of a waste of time to put them in every corner of the maze."
"That makes sense," she said slowly.
"So we might be lost. Actually, I think we've been lost for a while."
Nikki drew towards her, and Kimi forgot how to breathe.
"Then it's a good thing I don't want anyone to find us."
She was a second away, her eyes bright with light that wasn't there, and in that moment Kimi realized what she'd been forgetting the whole time.
In the next, they were kissing, Nikki's lips warm on hers, her hands fire through Kimi's thin shirt, her scent sweet and familiar. There was nothing in this world but Nikki and Kimi. Nothing that mattered but the fact that they were finally together.
She would not leave this time. She would follow her as long as Nikki wanted her.
Kimi felt Nikki pull away, and she opened her eyes to stare into Nikki's amber ones. For some reason, they were brimming with tears.
"Is it just me, or did something really weird just happen," Kimi murmured. Nikki shook her head.
"It wasn't just you."
Both of them tried to catch their breath, the silence of the night cloaking them as they stood in the maze with their hands laced together.
"I'm having a hard time remembering," Kimi admitted. "I was a queen of some country, and you were a seamstress. I had a picture of you hanging in my bedroom, so I recognized you... And after we first met, I left. I guess we never saw each other again."
"You don't remember why?"
"No." She shut her eyes, as if it would help her recall.
"Never mind. It's not important."
Kimi hesitated. "Do you think we were reincarnated?" What a question to ask the girl who, just half an hour ago, she was nervous about being alone with.
"Yes." Nikki nodded firmly. "I know it's not clear for you, but it's more vivid for me. Too vivid to have been a dream."
It was a lot to remember. A lot of painful memories, she thought, a lot of expectations and responsibilities and pressure, and not much Nikki at all. She had been a bright spot in a world of darkness, but her light had only reached so far.
Kimi laughed, forced. "I can't believe we're having this conversation while we're lost in a hedge maze. Dressed like we're in the Great Gatsby of all things."
"Shit." Nikki's eyes widened. "I forgot we were here. We've gotta get out of here. I don't want to go back to the party."
Kimi glanced back at her. Something was wrong, terribly wrong, but Nikki was right: it wasn't the time or place to talk about it.
"Of course."
It only took them fifteen minutes or so to make it out again, and they didn't even go back inside the building. Nikki just sent a text to the Iron Rose group chat saying she wasn't feeling well and was going to head back, while Kimi called a cab. After Nikki was done fielding the questions of her groupmates and they had both turned off their phones, Kimi looked at her.
Tonight should have ended differently. Nikki should have been smiling surrounded by her friends and Kimi, not standing on the side of the street and looking off into the darkness with a frown on her face. Somehow Kimi felt responsible, like if only she hadn't gone with Nikki into the maze and kissed her, Nikki wouldn't have remembered and they would still be happy.
"Nikki."
"Mm?"
"Listen, I think we should talk more in private about this. I know something's bothering you, and I... I want to be here for you." Nikki didn't reply, so Kimi continued. "Why don't we go to my apartment? It's not that late yet, and I live alone."
She was surprised when that was all she needed to say for Nikki to nod. "Okay. Let's go."
Two girls sat, in sweatpants and t-shirts, on Kimi's sofa, holding cups of coffee. Kimi did not speak. Nikki felt small beside her.
It was coming back to her in bits and pieces. She had been young when she was crowned queen, younger than she was now, and the thought frightened her. In this universe, despite their friendship, a part of her had always been afraid that the inherent gap between fan and idol was too large to overcome; it was why she had enjoyed the party so much. The mere concept that she had, in another life, held power over Nikki, was difficult to wrap her head around.
But she never listened to me anyways. She smiled.
"We're different people now," Kimi said. "Things happened there that didn't happen here, and vice versa, and the sooner we acknowledge that, the sooner we can try and figure out the rest."
This didn't seem to entirely comfort Nikki, who was still staring into her coffee with downturned eyes. Kimi thought she felt her heart break as she leaned over.
"Please tell me what happened?" she added, more softly, and Nikki spoke then like she couldn't get the words off her tongue faster.
"You died."
Silence.
"You died first, right after we met, and that's why we never saw each other again, why I remember so much more. I—I always felt guilty, my whole life. Everything was taken away from you. Everything. You didn't deserve that."
Kimi was rooted to the spot, unable to make a sound as pieces of the puzzle started to click together. She looked over at Nikki, whose eyes were welling up with tears again but who still refused to cry.
"Can I hug you?"
Nikki nodded.
Holding her felt right. They never should have gone through what they did, never should have been separated at all, but maybe if Kimi hugged her long enough she could heal some of it. She wrapped her arms around tighter without a second thought, as if to say I'm here now. Eventually, Nikki let the tension drain from her body, and reached out to tuck an arm around Kimi too.
"You're right, though," she said, her voice clearer now. "About who we really are. I was Nikki then, but... I was another Nikki. It felt like this other Nikki just came out of nowhere into my life."
"I know exactly how you feel," Kimi said. "I want to accept that part of me, but I don't know if I can yet. Maybe one day."
"You were right about something else, too." Nikki bit her lip. "Things happened here that had nothing to do with what happened there."
The kiss. The kiss that, if their lives were anything approaching normal, would have been the highlight of the evening.
"I still like you, Kimi! I don't care if we were meant to be together or not. We have to choose our own paths in this world. I chose mine, and you chose yours, and they happened to converge. And that's what matters to me." She was smiling at Kimi, that miraculous smile that she would never get enough of.
Kimi felt her face going red again. Nikki could be really romantic when she wanted to be. "You're so cute," she muttered under her breath, and Nikki grinned.
"Say that again?"
She buried her face in Nikki's sleeve. "Ugh, I take pictures of you for a living, is that really news?"
"But you looked so adorable when you said it!" Nikki tried to pull her away, giggling, but when it proved unsuccessful she just pressed a kiss to Kimi's hair instead.
"You dork. Let me kiss you back." The words escaped Kimi before she could think about them, but Nikki made sure she didn't have time to regret it.
Despite the long night, Nikki was up before Kimi. She found her on the balcony, watching a pale purple sunrise past the buildings lining the river.
I love her so much.
Nikki turned when she heard the sliding door open behind her and smiled at Kimi. "Good morning, sleepyhead. Happy November."
"It does not feel like November." Kimi shut the door and went to join her, tucking an arm around her waist (totally not because her shoulders were too high). "Did you sleep okay?"
"Sorta," she admitted. "It's okay, though, I don't have anything scheduled today. What about you?"
"It was fine." Kimi was glad to be awake, though. She rather liked her life right now.
Nikki bent down to give her a kiss. "I do need to go back to the dorms soon, though. The group chat has kind of been blowing up."
Kimi winced. "In what way?"
"Um, well, I'm not sure how they knew about us, but... it's mostly been memes."
"Aha."
"Yeah." Despite the situation, Nikki was smiling. "Well, it's not like I could hide it from them anyways, but we'll have to be careful going forward for obvious reasons."
"Of course. I'd hate to see anything happen to your career."
It was another hour before Nikki left. Kimi made breakfast for both of them, then called a taxi for her. Saying goodbye was difficult, but they still had their phones in the meantime.
Kimi smiled. A man cleared his throat, and she looked up.
Reid was standing outside her apartment's door.
"Oh, Reid," she said, trying to ignore the way her heart was hammering. He wasn't wearing the suit he normally wore to work, instead dressed down in an Adidas hoodie and sweats. Why did he look so happy? "What are you doing here?"
"That's a conversation we should probably have inside."
Kimi didn't trust him anymore.
But the conversation was going to happen anyways, so she unlocked the door.
There were signs of another person's presence everywhere: the two empty mugs she'd forgotten to clear away, the bed with both sides slept in, the lilac earrings Nikki had been wearing the night before. Still, it was nothing on its own. She hadn't seen Reid at all before just now, so he might have missed Nikki entirely.
His expression did not change when he entered, and Kimi's hand shook as she closed the door again.
"What do you want?" she demanded.
Reid stared at Kimi for a long time. She glared back, all pretenses of civility gone.
"I want the best for you," Reid finally said, leaning against the wall. "Do you really think that potentially wrecking your idol's career is going to actually help your fansite?"
Kimi's jaw dropped. "Are you actually kidding me? E-even if I was dating her—which I am not, she just spent the night here—it would have nothing to do with my site."
Reid sighed. "If you really want to lie to me, then keep lying, but it'll only hurt you in the long run. Listen, Kimi, even if you were just friends with her, which we both know isn't true, people will talk, and people will wonder. I can't stand by and watch you ruin your life. Not to mention Nikki's, too."
"The idea of you caring even an iota about Nikki is honestly laughable."
Reid raised his eyebrows. "If I don't, who will?"
"I care about her, you slimy—"
"Then break up with her."
"What?"
"Break up with her right now, stop talking to her, stop associating with her altogether," Reid said, pulling out his phone, "and I won't leak this to Dispatch."
Kimi went silent. On his phone was a blurry photo of their kiss on her balcony that morning, the purple sunrise behind them. Blurry, but still recognizable.
She wanted to throw up.
Everything gone before she could blink.
I am a queen. I should act like it.
"Give me a few days," she said weakly.
"If you really cared about her, this would not be a hard decision."
"You know nothing about us!" she screamed, and it was his turn to fall silent.
No matter what they chose, Nikki deserved to know the truth. She would never accept a breakup without a reason, not after what they had shared.
"...Two days, then." Reid's mouth was a thin line as he checked his watch. "I await your answer by eight-thirty Sunday morning."
"Thank you," she whispered, an instinct she immediately regretted. Reid just looked at her sadly.
"You're welcome, Kimi. I'll talk to you then, okay?"
She opened the door again and walked past him, not deigning to look up at him as he left. Talking to him was one thing she would never be doing again.
For a long time, Kimi did not, could not move. She rarely cried, but on this day she did, a few half-hearted sniffles and an arm pressed against her eyes as she laid in bed. That was all she could manage before she remembered, from her other life, being told off for crying.
How naive she had been, for thinking she could really date her idol as easily as that. For thinking her past wouldn't catch up with her eventually, just when the present was starting to feel like something she wouldn't regret. If she and Nikki were meant to be together, why was the universe pulling that away from them at every turn? The things that had happened to them in the last world were bad enough. If they had only been reincarnated as average people, maybe as neighbors or as classmates, none of this would be quite so challenging.
But she already knew asking herself that was futile. Neither of them were average, and they both chose their own path to happiness. Whether the universe had a hand in it or not, the fact of the matter remained that they had both turned down average lives years ago. Before Nikki debuted with the rest of Iron Rose, she had been a trainee for years. She had given up a normal adolescence as well so that she could become an idol, and Kimi knew as well as anyone could that she would never give up now that she had achieved her dream.
That was why Reid was right, as much as it hurt to admit it: the decision wasn't easy, but it seemed there was only one way out. The possibility of continuing on in secret, though tempting, didn't feel realistic—Reid had eyes everywhere, no matter how much Kimi shut him out, and the photograph was proof of that. If not him, it could be any paparazzi. Besides, she would still have to cut all her ties to Nikki and quit as a fansite manager, and if the truth still got out after that, she didn't know where she'd turn.
Perhaps one day, when Nikki had retired from idol life and Kimi had settled into a normal job, they could reunite and see what the future held for them. It would have to do. Kimi might have made Nikki remember a past life filled with painful memories, but she couldn't destroy Nikki's future, too.
Still.
I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet.
She rolled over and grabbed her camera from her shelf. Like she often did, she flipped through the pictures that were still stored on it. Nikki at the fansign, holding a plush bird that Debbie had been given. Leaning over to whisper in Sherry's ear. Smiling as she looked down at Kimi's drawing.
At the very least, Kimi had these memories of Nikki to hold on to. And unlike her memories of the last life, these would never fade.
Nikki could read her so well even over text, it was a little scary. Right now, Kimi wasn't sure if she wanted to be read. If Nikki could sense how nervous she was, then everything she had planned would fall to pieces.
She knocked on the Iron Rose dorm's door for the second time in three days, her heart pounding. Nikki opened it almost immediately, pushing a curious Mela out of the way.
"Kimi!"
Kimi smiled instinctively, holding her hands behind her back. "Nikki."
It was obvious the taller girl was trying to see what she was holding, but Kimi didn't make her wait. She held out a large shopping bag in one hand. "Your dress. It's yours to keep, of course. The accessories are in the bag as well."
"Oh! Thank you, Kimi. I know I'll wear it again someday!" Nikki accepted it with a characteristic beam, setting it behind the door. She knew it wasn't the only reason Kimi was there because Kimi had said as much over text, but the expectant look on Nikki's face didn't help her heart slow down. Kimi took a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and brought her other hand out from behind her back.
"Nikki, would you accompany me to dinner tonight?"
She opened one eye. Nikki was staring at the bouquet of pink and purple flowers like she had never seen anything quite like it, before glancing back up at Kimi with a growing smile on her face.
She can't tell, Kimi realized, a second before Nikki pulled her into the dorm and wrapped her in a hug.
"Oh my gosh, I have the cutest girlfriend ever!"
"Hey!" Kimi squawked, the hand that wasn't holding the bouquet flailing. With her head pressed into Nikki, she couldn't see which other members of Iron Rose were watching, but she heard Ransa laughing.
"You were so nervous," Nikki laughed as she released her. "Of course I will, Kimi. Will you wait here while I get dressed and find a vase?"
Kimi perched on the sofa, trying very hard not to look at Ransa and Mela as Nikki darted into the room she shared with Debbie. The two idols were watching her with various levels of skepticism, and Kimi wasn't sure what was running through their minds. Were they still suspicious of her, or just put off by the PDA?
Soon they may not have to be suspicious much longer, she thought. It did not make her feel any better.
"Hey."
Kimi glanced up at Mela. She was leaning against the wall, her expression unreadable.
"You'd better not break her heart, all right?"
Shit.
"Yeah," Ransa chimed in from across the room. "She's got it really bad, so don't take this lightly, okay? As subtle as she thought she was being, every last one of us could tell she had a huge crush on you these last few months. And that means if you hurt her, we'll all know too."
Kimi blinked back and forth between them in disbelief. She hadn't expected a stern talking-to from the other members of the group, as if Kimi was some boy Nikki had brought back from school and Ransa and Mela were her parents. In a way, it was actually really sweet.
No matter what happened, though, she couldn't shield Nikki from what she had to tell her, couldn't keep her from getting hurt. She could only try to delay it for as long as possible, and give Nikki everything she could until they had to face reality. It was hardly even a plan, just a last-ditch effort to savor the last chance they might have to spend a happy evening together.
"I like her just as much as she likes me—maybe more, but it's not a contest. The last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt her, and that's the truth."
She looked between them. Mela was nodding, satisfied.
"You passed phase one. Congratulations," Ransa said.
"Uh, passed what?"
"I'm ready to go!" Nikki burst out of her room, Momo trailing behind her. A minute ago she had been struggling to sit through the long wait, but now she was just impressed by how quickly Nikki could change into another outfit.
Kimi smiled. "You look great. And I think you'll like where I picked out."
"Nobody with taste as good as yours could disappoint me," Nikki declared, and Kimi allowed her to press a kiss to her cheek as she got up.
The last either Mela or Ransa saw of them that day was the sight of the two girls walking, arm in arm, down the street with the sunset behind them. Mela leaned out the window to watch until they were out of sight, then drew her head back in and pulled the window shut.
"You think anyone's gonna realize?"
"After what Sherry and I have gotten away with?" Ransa snorted. "Nah."
On November 4th, 2019, Nikki's name was on every headline.
The vast majority was sensationalist garbage, littered with thousands of comments by netizens who each had their own opinion on the topic. Her name was trending on Twitter worldwide, propelled by the combined force of hashtags supporting her and tearing her down. Kimi's fansite had been struggling to keep up with the traffic.
All in all, it was about what they had expected.
"Did they have to use that picture? It's literally two years old," Nikki complained. Her phone had been turned off for the day, so flooded were her notifications, but she was skimming through articles on Kimi's. "They could have just asked you if they wanted some more recent ones, right?"
Kimi rolled her eyes. "I think you've had enough of that for today," she said, reaching out to tug the phone from her girlfriend.
Caught up in the first wave of the storm, it was too early to say whether they had made the right decision for certain. But that night, at least, they had made their decision together.
It had been so difficult to look at Nikki after explaining what Reid had done. She knew that if she saw the inevitable disappointment and heartbreak she was feeling reflected on Nikki's face, she would have lost her composure. But she had delayed the moment when they decided they couldn't be together long enough, so she eventually found the strength to look into Nikki's eyes.
There was an unexpectedly bright look in them, a shining light within the darkness. "Kimi, I don't want to break up with you."
"Neither do I."
"Then let's tell him that."
"Nikki, I can't do that to you."
"No, listen." Nikki had said with a small sigh. "I've thought about this too, you know. I've even thought about what would happen if someone were to blackmail me. Until now, I was never quite sure what the balance was between knowing when to stand up for myself and knowing when to stand down. But... I guess you could say I had a shift in perspective recently. That other Nikki and I have more in common than I thought." She'd smiled, and Kimi couldn't look away.
"After remembering everything we went through in the other universe, and remembering how it felt to lose you, I can't go through that again. I don't remember why, but I know we fought against every obstacle to be together back then. I was prepared to uproot my whole life for you, and I was devastated when I didn't get to. Whatever we had then, it wasn't just a fling."
"So..."
"So I'm not going to let go of you again, okay? The press finding out was always a concern, one way or another, but I still wanted to date you." Nikki had seemed to sense Kimi's fear then, because she'd added, "Besides, that picture won't disappear. As long as I try to make it go away, it still has power. And I can't underestimate the lengths a person like him might go to with it in his hands. So let's deal with whatever happens with it together, and come out the other side stronger."
In hindsight, she shouldn't have been surprised about how level-headed Nikki had been. She had chased what she wanted her whole life, and there was no reason to think she'd stop now. That was one thing they had in common.
They were still tumbling through the storm together, and it was nowhere near through, but Nikki was right: they had each other. And even though they were doing nothing on this chaotic day but cuddling on the sofa and watching a drama, Kimi was more grateful to have Nikki with her than she knew how to express in words.
Luckily for her, she had another way.
miraculous nikki
@miraculousnikki1206
20191217
❤ 6.4K 8:25 PM - December 17, 2019
Auchhior on Chapter 2 Fri 25 Oct 2019 12:05AM UTC
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