Chapter Text
Now what?
That seemed to be the question on everyone’s mind. Markus led the revolution. The President agreed to hear the andriods’ pleas. The world would never be the same.
But now what?
The same question lingered in Connor’s mind as he nervously flipped the silver coin in his hand. He sucked in a deep synthetic breath as he started towards Hank, who had been scanning the area, awaiting the android. He slipped the coin back into his jacket pocket as he locked eyes with Hank.
Stress Level: 89% and rising
Warning! Lower Stress Level. Reaching Critical Levels.
The android pushed the warning aside and took another step towards Hank. Connor’s thirium pump seemed to stop beating in his chest as he looked at the ragged detective. A faint smile crossed the man’s lips. Connor sighed in relief and Hank pulled him in close, wrapping his arms around him. Connor melted into the embrace, hugging back tightly.
Stress Level: 63% and dropping
Connor squeezed his eyes shut and sighed in relief. Hank pulled back from the embrace, but kept his hands resting firmly on the android’s shoulders.
“Good to see you, son.” Hank smiled. Connor smiled back, but Hank’s acute senses told him something was off.
Stress Level: 71% and rising
Warning! Lower Stress Level before reaching Critical Levels.
Connor swallowed as he pushed off the warning, focusing his attention back on Hank. The detective watched curiously as Connor’s LED cycled from yellow to red, almost too quickly for him to catch. He narrowed his eyes at the android, unsure of why the LED was yellow to begin with. Sure, the kid had been through a lot in the past day, but it was all on the rise now, he thought.
“Something bothering you, Connor?” Hank turned his head slightly, fixing his gaze from the LED back to Connor’s eyes.
If there was one thing that Hank picked up from the android early on, it was the tell that he had when he lied. Connor’s eyes narrowed just the slightest bit, and he tucked his head down a fraction of a degree.
“No, Lieutenant.” Hank watched the android’s face carefully, cursing in his head as he saw the telltale signs. “I am merely processing the events that have unfolded the past few days.”
It wasn’t a complete lie, Connor told himself. It was true that there were a lot of events that weighed heavy on his mind from the revolution. But, there was one in particular that shook him to his core. Amanda. he shivered and pushed the thought away as quickly as he could, focusing back on Hank instead.
The flash of red in his LED was once again not lost on Hank.
“I can imagine,” The detective nodded, deciding not to pry at the moment. Connor would come clean when he was comfortable doing so. At least, he hoped he would. “Let’s get you home.” Hank patted Connor’s shoulders and started for his car.
Connor hesitated, his LED briefly flashing to red once again.
Stress Level: 86% and rising
Warning! Stress Level approaching Critical Level!
Lower Stress Level
Connor stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn’t go back to his mandated CyberLife home. No, he couldn’t do that. They either wouldn’t let him in, or he would be scrapped for parts as soon as he entered standby mode for repairs. He shivered at the thought.
Where else could he go? Certainly not with Markus. Though the deviant leader assured him that all was forgiven, Connor couldn’t see his stress level dropping as he stayed with what remained of the people that he was instrumental in eliminating.
Connor swallowed as the thought finally crossed his mind. He had nowhere to go.
“Connor?” Hank turned on his heel, narrowing his eyes at Connor. “You coming?”
Connor swallowed hard again. “I have nowhere to go, Lieutenant.” He said, his gaze dropping to the pavement in defeat.
“The fuck do you mean?” Hank threw his head back and scoffed. “You’re coming home.”
“I have no home,” Connor could feel tears welling up in his eyes. It felt so... foreign. Yet, so natural all at the same time. He sighed as he realized that there was a lot more to this ‘deviant’ thing than he had realized. “I can’t go back to CyberLife, Hank.” Connor looked up at Hank, trying desperately to force the tears away.
“For fucks sake, Connor,” Hank said gruffly, stepping up quickly to Connor, unable to look into his puppy dog eyes. “I mean you’re coming home with me.” Hank grabbed the android’s arm and started dragging him to the car. “Sumo’s going to be over-the-moon excited,” Hank shook his head.
He released his grip on Connor’s arm and hopped into the car. Connor stood dazed for a second, then quickly wiped away the loose tears with his sleeve and got into the passenger seat.
Hank started up the car and stole a quick look at Connor, who was still sniffling, but trying desperately to maintain composure. He smiled a small smile as a brief memory of Cole flashed across his mind. His boy had stood up to some bullies in class, but managed to get a black eye from a rogue swing. He sat the same way Connor had, so afraid that his father would be upset with him.
Hank shook his head and thought about taking Connor to get ice cream the same way that he had done with Cole, but he realized that the gesture would be lost, since Connor couldn’t exactly eat ice cream. No, he resolved instead that he should just take the boy home.
They pulled out from underneath the overpass, leaving the Chicken Feed truck in their wake.
Stress Level: 40% and dropping
Connor sighed in relief when the diagnostic came back, his LED finally returning to a cool blue. His stiff synthetic muscles relaxed themselves a bit and he settled into the seat. Hank turned his head slightly and noticed the shift in the android’s body language and he smiled to himself.
The two rode home in silence, not even the radio blaring. Hank knew better than to press with questions, and Connor appreciated the gesture. He knew that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about what had happened just yet. Besides, he saw no reason to worry the Lieutenant with his problems. The human had enough on his mind as it was.
When they arrived and Hank opened the front door, Sumo could hardly contain himself at the sight of Connor. Hank quickly caught the large ball of fluff before he had the chance to tackle Connor. Connor smiled warmly, patting the mass of fur that squirmed in Hank’s arms.
“Alright, alright, Sumo. You’ll have plenty of time to bond later, just please let us in the house.” Hank panted, barely able to contain the excited top half of the Saint Bernard.
On command, Sumo stopped struggling and Hank let him down. The dog trotted over to the couch and plopped down.
“Good boy,” Hank breathed, brushing himself off as he stood up to his full height. Connor closed the door behind them and took in his surroundings again.
“Yeah, it’s nice to use the front door and not the window, huh?” Hank jested as he slid off his winter jacket and hung it up beside the door.
Connor smiled slightly and followed suit, hanging up his CyberLife jacket beside Hank’s. He frowned slightly when he realized that his suit jacket was stained with thirium. Hank’s heart dropped as he looked over at the android.
“I’ll get you some clean clothes.” Hank shook his head and started for his room. “Don’t you dare even think about sitting on my couch with those damned dirty things!” He called over his shoulder.
Connor knelt down beside Sumo, who started wagging his tail furiously as he approached. He patted the dog’s head and began to brush the fur on his back. Sumo flipped himself onto his back and Connor smiled to himself. He wasn’t quite sure how, but he knew that he was safe here. He knew that Hank would keep him safe. In spite of everything that had happened between them, he knew that Hank cared about him. It made him feel warm inside. He ran a diagnostic to make sure that he wasn’t just overheating, but it came back negative, so he marked it up to emotions.
With sorrow and joy both pulling at his mind, he realized that these emotions were going to be a lot more difficult than he initially thought. No wonder those deviants had gone insane.
Hank reappeared in the hallway and tossed some clean clothes at the android. Connor caught them effortlessly and gave one last pat to the dog’s head before standing up.
“They’re not much and they’re going to be a little big, but it’s all I’ve got.” Hank rubbed the back of his head. “We’ll take you shopping tomorrow, alright?”
“Lieutenant, you don’t have to—” Connor started, but was quickly interrupted by Hank’s raised hand.
“I thought I told you from the start that you don’t get to tell me what to do,” Hank shook his head with a slight smile. “And that’s enough with this ‘Lieutenant’ bullshit,” Hank let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s Hank, understand?”
“Of course, Lieut—Hank.” Connor smirked. Hank rolled his eyes and started for the couch.
“Now go change before I change my mind.”
Connor nodded with a smile and started for the bathroom. He closed the door softly behind him and slipped off his uniform and replaced with the soft fabric that Hank lent to him. As he was on his way out, he stopped and stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. The long-sleeved black shirt hung over his slight frame, but he suspected that the cut of the shirt wasn’t what made it feel so foreign to him. Up until today, he had been nothing more than a CyberLife jockey. His only goal was his mission. But it wasn’t even his mission. It’s was CyberLife’s mission. The sudden realization brought on a tidal wave of emotions with it.
Stress Level: 80% and rising
Warning! Stress reaching Critical Level!
Lower Stress Level
Connor struggled to steady himself against the sink as he felt tears rushing to his eyes. He didn’t even know who he was. Was he anyone? He couldn’t keep the memories of the destruction of Jericho from flooding to the surface. All of the death. The carnage. Everything that he caused.
Who was Connor?
His knees crumbled underneath him, and he sat down hard on the ground. He pushed himself against the wall and brought his knees against his chest, tears streaming down his face. He choked back sobs, trying to keep Hank from seeing him in this fragile state.
Stress Level: 89% and rising
He pushed the message away from his vision and curled himself up even tighter. He tried to suck in deep breaths to steady himself, but he could still feel his stress level climbing rapidly.
He was nothing more than a puppet before. And what good is a puppet that’s cut off its own strings? He was nothing without CyberLife. But CyberLife had made him into a monster. With CyberLife gone, did the monster still prevail?
He buried his head in his knees and rocked himself back and forth. He didn’t know. He didn’t know anything.
“Connor?” Hank knocked at the door. “Everything okay in there?” Connor’s head snapped towards the door as he struggled to catch his synthetic breath. “Connor?” Hank’s voice grew more desperate. Connor couldn’t force the words out of his mouth. “Connor, I’m coming in.” Hank said firmly and the door handle started turning.
Hank’s worried gaze was met with Connor’s bloodshot and crying eyes.
“Oh Connor,” Hank breathed and knelt down beside the android. “Talk to me, kid. What’s going on?” Hank rested a reassuring hand on Connor’s shoulder. He shuddered at the touch, but Hank persisted. He knew that he had to bring the kid back to reality. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, Connor.” Hank wasn’t sure that he could help the kid regardless. He obviously wasn’t the best at handling emotion, but he’d be damned if he didn’t give it a try.
“C-c-CyberLife,” Connor choked on the words and buried his head between his knees again.
Hank’s heart shattered. He rubbed Connor’s shoulder comfortingly. “I know kid, I know.” He said softly. “C’mon, let’s get you over to the couch, okay?”
Connor nodded in response and Hank stood up, offering Connor a hand. Connor took it warily and Hank helped him to his feet. Connor stood shakily, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and sniffling. Hank slid a supportive hand around the android’s waist and pulled Connor’s arm around his shoulders.
Connor almost protested, knowing that he was still operational and could walk to the living room on his own, but at the same time he wanted nothing more than Hank’s support at the moment.
Hank helped Connor to plop down on the couch, then grabbed him the softest blanket that he could find. He wrapped it gingerly around Connor’s shoulders. Sumo snuggled up on top of Connor’s socks.
Connor pulled the blanket tightly around himself, still shaking and trying to console himself. Visions of Amanda flashed across his mind, followed by images of Jericho being blown to bits. He shivered again and pulled the blanket tighter.
“Alright Connor,” Hank knelt in front of the couch. “You feel that blanket I put on you?”
Connor nodded, trying to understand why Hank would ask such a seemingly ridiculous question.
“Tell me how it feels, kid.” Hank pressed, watching Connor intently and trying to hide the panic in his voice.
“It’s…it’s soft,” Connor said quietly, twisting the fabric between his fingers. He stopped for a moment and realized that the sensation was more than just his sensors stating the obvious. No, for the first time, he realized that he liked the way that the blanket felt. He liked the way that the blanket felt between his fingers, the way that he could feel that threads against his fingertips. “It’s really soft,” He sniffled and looked up at Hank. “It’s a very nice blanket, Hank.”
Hank couldn’t hold back the smile from the android’s childlike reaction and genuine appreciation. “Okay kid, now pat Sumo on the head.”
Sumo perked up at the sound of his name, and Connor reached his hand out hesitantly from under the blanket. He brushed his fingers over the soft fur of the Saint Bernard.
“Tell me how that feels, Connor.” Hank said and watched as a faint smile ghosted on Connor’s lips.
“He’s also very soft. I-I like the way that the hairs tangle in my fingers,” Connor smiled weakly, wiping the tears from his face with the blanket. Hank breathed in relief as he saw Connor’s LED finally cycle back to yellow.
Stress Level: 60% and dropping
“He’s a good dog,” Connor cooed, and Sumo rested his head on the android’s lap.
“Yeah,” Hank chuckled. “What does his head feel like on your lap?”
“It’s heavy,” Connor tilted his head, the stress fading and the confusion from Hank’s seemingly irrational behavior taking over. “And warm. I can…I can feel every time he breathes.”
“That’s right, Connor,” Hank watched patiently as Connor’s LED cycled back around to blue. Sighing in relief, the detective sat down on the couch next to the android.
After a few more minutes of Connor gingerly petting Sumo, he turned to face Hank. “Why did you ask me to describe those things?” He asked, tilting his head slightly.
“Well,” Hank ran his fingers through his hair and stared at the wall in front of him. “I’m not quite sure what it is you were thinking about back there, but I knew that it wasn’t about something that’s right here in front of you. It’s easy to get carried away by the shit that we can’t change,” Hank swallowed hard before continuing, turning his gaze to the android. “That’s why it’s important to focus on the present. The things that are right in front of us. And I know that you’re just getting used to these feelings and emotions, so I thought I’d try and get you focused on the good things you can feel around ya.” Hank shook his head and turned back to the wall.
Connor’s LED cycled to yellow as he tried to process the information. “Hank?”
“Yeah, kid?” Hank turned back to Connor.
“Why are you doing all of this for me?” He asked, Hank’s heart breaking as he did. There was so much pain dripping in the android’s voice as he spoke.
“Because I care about you, Connor.” Hank reassured him. “And you do things for people you care about. Remember when you saved me on that rooftop instead of catching the deviant?” Hank asked, trying to bring up one of the many good things that Connor had accomplished. He cursed inwardly when he saw the LED flicker back to yellow momentarily at the mention of the chase.
“I don’t understand why, Hank. I don’t.” Connor dropped his gaze to Sumo, who was nearly asleep with his head resting on the android’s lap. “I’ve…I’ve caused a lot of pain. I fought on the wrong side for so long…”
“But look where you are now,” Hank said after a brief pause. “Look at the side you ended up on,” Connor looked up at him quizzically, tears brimming in his eyes. “Look at all the good you did by bringing in those Cyberlife androids,” Connor dropped his gaze. “I know there’s a lot going on right now Connor, and I can’t even imagine what you’re dealing with. But kid, you should know that you can’t change the past,” Hank shook his head and looked down at the ground. “You can’t change it, and there’s nothing that you can do about it except for move on. You’ve got to look at the here and now and realize everything that you have. Everything that you’ve done right to get this far. That’s the only way we get past this.” Hank sighed, resisting the urge to get up and grab a beer. All of this was so far beyond his area of expertise. Hell, he barely knew how to take care of himself anymore, let alone someone else.
Connor looked up at Hank, tears still welling in his eyes, but a smile crossing his face. He pulled Hank into a tight embrace, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he did.
“You’re warm,” Connor said, still holding on tight. “I like the way that my head can rest on your shoulder,” He continued, and Hank wrapped his arms around the android. “It feels…safe.” Connor snuggled even further into the hug.
After a solid moment, Hank patted Connor on the back and released him. “You’ve had a long couple ‘a days, Connor, and so have I. I’m sure you’ve got some repairs to get to, and I know that I’ve got this thing called ‘being sober’ that’s been giving me a lot of grief,” They both smiled.
Hank stood up from the couch and dusted off his pants. “You let me know if you need anything the rest of the night, okay?”
Connor nodded in response and Hank started off towards the bedroom.
“Hank?” Hank almost didn’t hear Connor’s quiet voice. He turned around to see the two brown eyes peeking over the edge of the couch. “Thank you. For everything.”
Hank smiled and walked back to the couch. “Don’t mention it, son,” He ruffled Connor’s synthetic hair. “Goodnight, Connor.” He said as he flicked off the lights, the bedroom lights down the hall barely illuminating the room.
“Goodnight, Hank.” Connor said quietly and Hank shut the bedroom door softly behind him.
Connor pulled the soft blanket tightly around himself and stretched himself out on the couch. Though the blanket was as unnecessary in the repair process as the laying down was, they both seemed to bring him some comfort. After all, he was deviant now. He was alive.
More importantly, he was going to figure all of this out. He was sure of it. He was going to learn what it meant to be alive. What it meant to be Connor.