Aftermath

by nans56

Summary:

“What do you mean he is GONE?” Jed Bartlet stood toe to toe with Ron Butterfield of the Secret Service. “Where gone? How gone? ANSWER ME.” The President’s face was a particular shade of purple Ron had never seen before, and that was saying something, as he had seen the President turn some spectacular colors in the grip of rage.

Notes:

I apologize for hurting Leo once again. But this idea came into my head and I had to play with it.

Aftermath

Disclaimer: not mine. No money to be made.
MATURE

(From the poem Aftermath)
Do you remember that hour of din before the attack -
And the anger, the blind compassion that seized and shook you then
As you peered at the doomed and haggard faces of your men?
Do you remember the stretcher-cases lurching back
With dying eyes and lolling heads – those ashen-grey
Masks of the lads who once were keen and kind and gay?
Have you forgotten yet?...
Siegfried Sassoon

 

Leo stood in the bullpen clutching a sheaf of papers in his hand as he watched CJ laugh and punch Toby in the arm. Josh droned on, practically whining, about Stackworth and the latest rider they again attached to a bill twenty-four hours before the vote. Leo didn’t hear Josh’s words, just an incessant whiny buzzing as he watched CJ plant a kiss on top of Toby’s head and float out of his office.
Leo put a hand to his stomach, the ache deepening as CJ walked away. Day in and day out, since the campaign to this moment Leo had thought about, dreamed about, fantasized about CJ. At first, early in the campaign when he was still married it was jealousy. A deep aching wish that he could be as open and feeling and caring as CJ was. He envied her ability to talk to people, help people. She could and did hug anyone who needed it and in the next moment slap them up alongside the head. She could laugh and cry without inhibition while he buried every emotion, stacking them one on top of the other deeper and deeper until they just became a dark heavy mass that lay on his soul. Later, after his divorce he wondered if CJ had a boyfriend or a lover. He knew, logically, they would never have a relationship. It would never work. He knew that. He wondered what had changed… when had he started watching her; day after day he began to have waking fantasies that turned into vivid, sexual dreams that left him waking in the night shaking as he came all over his hand and the sheets. A rueful smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
If he could just sleep, if he could just get over this…obsession, if he could sleep, maybe, he could get his head straight again. He really didn’t want CJ. He didn’t think he did. Somehow the idea just took root in his brain and wouldn’t let go. He knew it was a terrible idea, that it would never work, but still, the thoughts had taken up residence and wouldn’t leave.
“…listening to me?” Josh was waving a hand before Leo’s face. “Oh, yeah Josh. I just thought of something I needed to do.” Leo walked away still clutching the papers with a bit of a dazed expression on his face. Josh exchanged look with Sam and just shrugged. Sam shrugged back and it was forgotten.

Leo almost ran back to his office. He slammed the door in Margaret’s face and pulled a briefing book off his desk into his lap and opened it to a random page as Margaret stormed into the office after him.
“What the hell, Leo?”
“Go away.”
“No. What the hell is wrong with you? You have been acting weirder and weirder. You are pissing everyone off. You don’t listen…”
Leo didn’t raise his head from the book. He sighed and spoke softly. “Margaret, just go. Leave me the hell alone for a while.”
Margaret drew in a shaky breath. “Okay. General Adamley will be here soon.”
“Fine. Bring him in when he gets here.”
“Okay…”
Leo looked up from the book. Margaret just managed to hold back the gasp that fought its way past her clamped lips. She saw tears gathered in his eyes, not yet fallen. He was pale and haggard looking and his hands shook.
“Just…go, now. Bring him in when he arrives.”
Margaret just nodded her head and slowly closed the door to her office behind her.

 

It was almost midnight. He had sent Margaret home an hour ago. His office was dark, save for the lamp on his desk. His chair was turned to the window behind him. He stared out into the dark night. Two shiny tracks on his cheeks were illuminated by the scant moonlight coming through the window. He sighed and dropped his head back against the chair.
‘I am a murderer. No better than a cold blooded killer. How many times? How could I have been such a fool? How many people over the course of my tours? Was it just the once; the time Alan told me about? Or was it multiple times? Jesus, how many people have I killed?’
Leo leaned forward and held his head in his hands. His head was pounding, screaming, throbbing. He rubbed his temples but that made it worse. He was so tired, so fucking tired. He was not sleeping because of those damn dreams, invading his nights. The dreams of CJ. ‘God, what is going on? Why is this happening? Where did this obsession come from?’
‘I can’t deal with this right now. Why did he tell me this? How could he tell me this? I am so tired; God help me I need to sleep. Just one night. One night free from the dreams and the flashbacks. The flashbacks were getting worse. After this I know they will hit me, relentlessly, tearing my nights apart with screaming, with the smell of cordite, with the smell of the jungle…and blood. Damn, why did he tell me this?’
Leo spun his chair around and grabbed the cup of coffee on his desk. He brought it to his lips. It was ice cold. In a flash of white, hot rage he flung the coffee cup across the room. It shattered on the wall above his sofa, spraying what was left of the coffee over the sofa, wall and the lamp. Chunks of ceramic flew back into the room. He staggered to his feet and took several steps away from his desk. He jerked to a stop as his legs gave way and he fell to his knees on the carpet.
The door that led to the Oval office was thrown open and banged against the wall. The President flew into the room and stopped as he saw his friend on his knees on the floor, his head hanging down, hands hanging limply at his sides. When Leo lifted his face, he saw the tears coursing down his cheeks. He fell to his knees beside Leo as he yelled, “CHARLIE.”
He wrapped himself around Leo and held him as he collapsed into his Presidents arms. Charlie came careening into the room and skid to a stop as he saw the Chief of Staff weeping in the Presidents arms. “Sir?”
“Get my wife. NOW.”
Charlie ran from the room as Leo’s lead agent Lewis blew through the corridor door. He fell to the carpet next to Leo and the President. “Jesus. Sir? What happened?”
“I heard a loud crash. On the wall. I came in here and he was on the floor. There is shattered coffee cup on the floor. Be careful.” Lewis looked up at the wall and saw the coffee stains running down and a chunk of ceramic on the back of the sofa. Then, quietly and without a sound, Leo slid the rest of the way to the floor, his head falling back, his eyes closed.
“Is he…”
“I think he just passed out,” the President said as he straightened Leo’s body on the floor and placed the jacket Lewis pulled off under his head. Abbey ran into the room then and dropped to her knees next to Leo. “Jed, my god. What happened?”
He explained the noise, how he found Leo and that he had just passed out. Abbey pulled her stethoscope out of her bag and ripped Leo’s shirt open. She took his pulse while she listened to his chest, checking his heart and breathing. Lying on the floor, his jacket open, she could see that he had lost weight. ‘When? How? What have I missed?’
“What set this off? What upset him?”
“I don’t know Abbey. He has been jumpy lately. Distracted…”
Lewis spoke up, not wanting to tell tales on his protectee, but he was worried about Leo. “He hasn’t been sleeping. I take him home, sometimes at two or three in the morning and when I get there at 6:00 to bring him in, he is still in the clothes he had on the day before, just sitting on the sofa. Sometimes I have to push him into the bathroom to shower.”
Abbey and Jed shared a worried glance. “His heart sounds okay, though his pulse is racing. He is breathing easily. This is probably exhaustion, over work, he’s probably not eating. Lewis? Can you get him to residence? Let’s get him into bed. Jed, we’ll force-feed him breakfast if necessary in the morning. Maybe he will talk to you.”
Lewis and Bill Black, one of Leo’s detail, lifted him from the floor and carried him to the blue bedroom in the residence. Lewis and the President undressed him to his boxers and undershirt and then left him to sleep, curled up under the heavy comforter.
“Mr. President, I need to go make a report and call Agent Butterfield. I am sending agent Black to his apartment to get some fresh clothing. He should be okay for a while.”
The President nodded. “He’s in the residence. He will be fine.” Jed looked back at the door, then sighed and went to find Abbey.

 

“I am heading down Abbey. Call me when Leo is awake.”
“Did you check on him this morning,” she called to him as he left.
“No. I didn’t want to bother him,” Jed said, waking back into the room. If he is still sleeping, he really needs it.” He walked over to Abbey and gave her another kiss.
“I am going to get some coffee and toast in a bit and take them into him. I don’t expect he will sleep much longer.”
“Okay. Call me.”

 

Thirty minutes later Abbey knocked on the door to Leo’s room and then opened the door and stepped in. The bed clothes were thrown back, half on the floor, and the bed was empty. Leo’s clothes were gone. He was gone. Abbey dropped the coffee and toast on the floor and was running down the hall almost before the cup and plate shattered on the floor.

 

“What do you mean he is GONE?” Jed Bartlet stood toe to toe with Ron Butterfield of the Secret Service. “Where gone? How gone? ANSWER ME.” The President’s face was a particular shade of purple Ron had never seen before, and that was saying something, as he had seen the President turn some spectacular colors in the grip of rage.
“Just as I said sir. He is not on the premises of the White House. He swiped out at around 4:00 am. No one stopped him because no one was told to stop him. I sent a team to his house. He is not there…”
“Hotel,” the President corrected with a wave of his hand.
“No sir. House.”
Jed’s head came up and he locked eyes with Ron. “When did he move,” he asked softly. “Why wasn’t I told? Why didn’t he…?”
“About six months ago. It was not my, our, place to tell you. He would have soon, I am sure. Anyway, we also checked and his car is gone.”
The President, though, didn’t hear that as he repeated, “I wonder why he couldn’t tell me…what else is he keeping from me?”
“Sir. His car is missing.”
“It is? Well, where would he go? Track his car, or his phone, or something,” Jed yelled, slamming his hand on his desk.
“Sir. It may come to that yet. But at this point he is, technically, not really missing. He is an adult, sir…”
“He’s the Chief of Staff of the White House who has barely missed a day since we got here. He passed out last night. He could be sick.”
“Granted, sir. But I also should tell you that Lewis, his personal agent, is also ‘missing’ at this time. We have no idea where he is, but I strongly suspect he is with Mr. McGarry, or at least in his vicinity.”
“Have you talked to Lewis?”
“Uh, no. His phone appears to be off.”
“That’s damn weird. What the hell is going on?”
“Sir, I don’t know. At this point in time, we wait. We wait for either Mr. McGarry or Lewis to contact us. SIR,” Ron interrupted the President as he jumped to his feet. Sir, we wait,” he said softly.
“Right. We wait,” he said as he slumped in his chair behind his desk. We wait.”

 

Sam, Josh and CJ sat in Toby’s office while he bounced his pink Spalding off the walls. They had been informed of Leo’s absence and were trying to wrap their heads around the fact that Leo left.
“I am so confused,” Sam uttered for about the tenth time.
“I am too, and worried, and…I can’t believe Leo left. That is not like him. It is so un-Leo like as to be unbelievable,” CJ remarked, worrying the hem of her skirt. She looked at Toby and Josh, expecting a comment, but none came. Toby just kept bouncing the ball and Josh stared off into space.
“Josh, can you think of any reason Leo would have to leave,” Sam asked? Josh?”
“Huh?”
“Do you…”
“Look,” Toby stopped Sam, catching his ball and turning in his chair. It does no good to speculate on Leo’s behavior or where he is. I am assuming that he had a meeting or something and there was a miss-communication. Ron said nothing appeared to be gone from his house, like clothing or personal items. Just his car. SO stop assuming the worst and, I don’t know…go do a job, for crying out loud.”
Sam and Josh stood and left, while CJ hung back looking at Toby. “Do you really believe that, Toby?”
“Yeah. I have to believe that, CJ, because the alternative is too frightening to contemplate.”

 

At that same moment, Leo’s metallic blue BMW 323i sedan was cruising along the coast on his way to his house in Maine. He had walked out of the White House at four am after he woke in one of the Residence bedrooms. It had taken a few minutes for him to realize where he was, but when he woke enough to make sense of what had happened, he dressed in the fresh clothes he found and slipped out. He swiped out, walked out to Penn avenue and caught a random cab to his house in Georgetown. No way was he going to call Eddie for a ride. He had already made up his mind that he was going away.
He changed into jeans and a sweater at home, grabbed a couple bottles of juice from his fridge and grabbed his car keys. At a little after five in the morning he had merged onto the Baltimore-Washington Pkwy and now, just before noon, was passing Boston, skirting the metro area on I495. His stomach growled hard and he decided it was time to find lunch.
Right where he would merge onto I95, he got off the highway at Macy Street, crossed I95 and stopped at the Sylvan Grille. Last time he had come through he stopped there and he liked it. So he pulled in the parking lot, went in and got a booth by the bar. He ordered clam chowder and the lobster roll, then turned on his phone and checked his emails. He grimaced when he saw that his emails had ballooned in number. He opened the last one, read the demand from Margaret, then shut down the phone and rested his head in his hands.
He sat like that until the waitress brought his food. “You look tired, there big guy. On the road?”
Leo grinned. “Yeah. On my way to Maine.”
She grinned back. “Well eat up.”

Out in the parking lot, Lewis got out of a black SUV and crossed the street to the Dunkin Donuts. He couldn’t lose Leo, so he just ran across the street and grabbed two large coffees and a couple muffins. He went back to the SUV and waited for Leo to emerge and drive on.

 

In Washington, at the White House, the atmosphere was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The President sat at this desk in the Oval while Ron Butterfield filled him on what they had done so far; besides wait.
“We still have not heard from Frank Lewis. No one else has either. He has not been seen anywhere on the hill, or in any of his usual restaurants. We have a trace out on his phone, but it appears to be turned off.” Ron didn’t mention that for a brief few minutes they thought they had something, possibly in the Boston area, but it was gone as quickly as it showed up and could have been a fluke.
The President rubbed his face and sighed. “So now we can assume, since it is after one in the afternoon, that something is up. Something is wrong. If he had a meeting, anything, he would have been in by now.”
“Yes sir, that can be assumed, now.”
“What made him leave, if he left, or caused him to hide out, to stay away from work? He was a mess last night, worse than I have seen him in a long time. Aside from the fact that he was exhausted, something was wrong.” Jed slammed his hand on the desk and strode over to the door to Leo’s office.
“Margaret. Could you come in here please?”
“Yes sir,” Margaret said softly as she entered the Oval?
“Margaret, sit over here,” the President motioned to the far sofa in the middle of the room. How are you holding up,” he asked as he sat across from her on the other sofa?
“I’m very worried, sir. This is so unlike Leo. He wouldn’t do this, unless something was really wrong.”
“I know. I agree. Can you think of anything that would upset him that badly? What was his last appointment yesterday?” “He saw General Adamley. He arrived around 9:30 and was in with Leo almost an hour. Then he left. Leo called out said I was to go home. Not to argue, just take off and have a nice night.”
“Did he sound ok?”
Margaret tilted her head and thought a moment. “No. I don’t think he was ok. He sounded a little shaky, and when I started to enter the office, he was closing the door and told me to just go home. I tried the door. It was locked. So I left.”
“Was he okay before the meeting?”
“Well, sir, honestly he has been acting…funny lately. I know he is tired. But he has been, I guess, spacey, testy…But last night he was rude.”
“What was the meeting about? With Adamley?”
“I don’t know, sir.”
“Get him on the phone, Margaret. At least we can ask how Leo was with him. What they talked about. Transfer it in here when you get him, and then come back.”
“Sir.” Margaret left to go make the call from her desk. When she got back to the Oval, the President was talking to General Adamley. She went to sit on the sofa, but jumped when the President yelled into the phone.
“You told him what? What the…why did you tell him that? Are you…how did he take it?” Jed fumed as he listened to Adamley. Well of course he didn’t take it well. What made you think he was gonna take it well? Are you nuts?” He paced in front of the desk as he held the phone to his ear. “No. Forget it. After this, you think you can come in here and expect to meet with me like nothing ever happened? What do I mean? He’s gone. Disappeared, General. As in no one can find him and we are worried sick.” He held the phone from his ear and looked at, then put it back. Forget it General. For your sake, I hope he is okay.” With that, he slammed the phone down in its cradle.
“Sir,” Ron asked quietly?
Jed went over to the chair by the sofas that he always sat in. The one that was across from the one Leo always sat in. He looked at the empty chair and sighed. He looked at Ron and then Margaret. “What do you know of Leo’s service in Vietnam?”
“I know he flew a jet,” Margaret offered.
“Yes. An F105 Thunderchief,” Ron elaborated. He flew bombing runs over enemy territory.”
“Yes. You are aware of the war crimes tribunal that is being discussed?”
Ron shrugged. Margaret nodded. The president continued. “Adamley wanted to talk to me about it. He wanted my ear. He wanted my help. So he went to Leo. He…told him something he felt was sure to get me to listen to him. Agree to take the time. He…he told Leo…he said Leo, following orders, bombed a non-military target, a bridge and that there were civilian casualties, Deaths. He told Leo he killed innocent people and children.”
Margaret gasped and tears came to her yes. She knew Leo. She knew the guilt he carried. She knew him probably better than anyone, save the man seated next to her. She knew what news like that would do to Leo.
Ron clenched his jaw and fists. He too knew how news like that could affect a man. A man he knew was a good, moral man. “Did Leo say anything to him?”
”Nah. The bastard just left him sitting there. Walked out on him. Gutted him and then left.”
“Where could he be sir? Do you think he is…drun…drinking somewhere?”
“If anything could drive Leo back to the booze, it could be this.” He turned to Ron. “You have to find him Ron. Stop waiting. Start actively searching. Now.”
Ron nodded and left the room speaking into his wrist mic. Margaret stood. The President reached out and took her hand. “We will find him Margaret. We will.”
“Yes sir,” she said as she left the oval office. She went into Leo’s office and sat at his desk. She looked at the pictures on his desk of Mallory, of him and Jenny and Mallory, and the framed napkin. She straightened the blotter, aligned the messages. Her hands shook and she prayed that Leo was okay.

 

Frank Lewis was now sure he knew where Leo was headed. He had been there twice before with Leo as part of his detail. He also knew that almost no one knew of this house. Unbeknownst to Ron, the rest of Leo’s detail was just thirty minutes behind Lewis who was following a half mile back from Leo. Frank was not going to alert anyone until he knew for sure where Leo was headed, why he was on the run and what his frame of mind was. Frank knew Leo was a complex individual, but also could be hot-tempered and a wild card. Lewis knew he had not been sleeping and that he was walking the edge. He was not going to allow anyone to push him off if he could help it.
Once they got to house in Maine, and he was sure that was where Leo was going, he would check in with the team. When they secured the location, and Leo, he would call Ron Butterfield.

 

It was just seven o’clock when Lewis pulled into the driveway. Leo’s BMW was parked by the front door of the house, the engine still running, lights on and the door open. Lewis keyed off the ignition and stepped out of his SUV, looking around the area. The gravel driveway led in off the road for a hundred feet and ended in an open large square area surrounded by the main house to the right, a three car garage straight ahead and off to the left, a multi room guest cottage accessed via a pebbled path bordered with thigh high box hedges.
Lewis went to the BMW and turned it off, grabbed the keys and slammed the door. He walked around the car and walked down the three wide stone steps that led to the double front door. He tried the door knob, but it was locked. He pulled Leo’s keys from his pocket and entered the house. It was dark and cold. Lewis moved down the two steps from the entry into a large open space. In the middle of the space to the left, a large stone fireplace divided two sitting areas. To the right was the kitchen with a huge island and up against the floor to ceiling doors in the back was a large dining table and chairs. The floor to ceiling doors ran the whole width of the back of the house, looking over a swimming pool, then the long sloping lawn, which ended in a rocky ledge that led down thirty feet to the narrow rocky beach and ocean below. In the remaining twilight, Lewis could see the silhouette of a man at the very end.

Leo stood on the edge of the rocky cliff. He was three feet back from the edge, but from inside the house it looked like he was almost ready to step off into the void. The wind howled and blew hard in his face. His hair whipped in the wind and his open jacket snapped at his waist. The wind carried droplets of water from the surf below, whipped up by the November winds, and deposited it on Leo’s face and clothing. He absently wiped his hand over his wet face as he stared out over the dark waters.
Lewis watched him from the back deck. He knew the ground at the cliff edge had been reinforced and that a thin but strong steel cable rang the length of the property, strung at waist height and was all but invisible in the dark. Still, he was on edge, alert and too far away to do anything if Leo decided to step under the cable to the edge of the cliff.
Leo stared out over the ocean, lost in thought, overwhelmed by feelings and memories. CJ occupied his thoughts, but then so did Jed, Margaret and Josh and everyone he worked with. He was so confused, so afraid of the feelings that were taking over his life. He wanted to run away. He never thought he would consider, or even could consider, leaving the White House. His life had changed so much, and then really not at all. He was more alone now than he had ever been in his life. He had done that to himself. He knew that.
He had lost Jenny because of the booze, the pills, and ultimately, the job. And since he started this job, he had made himself walk away from having a life, to live this time in the White House, giving everything he had and was to the task. In doing so he knew he had to give up having a life, love, time with friends; anything that took his time or attention from the job, he gave up. He just pushed it all to the back of the closet of his life and told himself that this was what he wanted.
But now the closet door had burst open and the things he had locked away in it were threatening to come tumbling out. He was trying to shove it all back in with both hands, trying to slam that door shut again, but he couldn’t do it anymore. He wanted his life back. He wanted any life. He wanted love, he wanted CJ. That need was becoming more overpowering by the day and he was tired of fighting it. He couldn’t remember when it started, when the feelings began to claw their way into his every moment. It scared him to death; the sudden need, not knowing when she became his siren.
He was so tired of sleeping in his office when he couldn’t lift his head from the desk anymore. It was the only way. When he slept, CJ filled his dreams, alternating with the flashbacks that were tearing his soul apart. Why, why, did Alan tell him that? Leo hunched over at the searing pain in his gut, in his chest. Why? I could have gone a lifetime without knowing that.
‘GOD I want to sleep. I just want a nice quiet, dreamless night. I want to wake refreshed in the morning, I want to see the sunrise and welcome a new day. Instead, I wake to the sight of my desk blotter before my eyes, more often than not, a wet spot where I have drooled in the night. My head hurts and my neck is stiff and Margaret’s sigh and look lance deep into my soul. I don’t deserve her.’
Leo sighed when he felt, more than saw, the presence of someone just behind his right shoulder. “Lewis,” he said without turning.
“Sir. We need to go in. It’s cold out here. We need to talk.”
Leo didn’t answer. He just stared out at the water and allowed the wind to tear at his hair and clothes. “Sir. Now.” Lewis turned and headed back to the house.
Leo followed, taking his time, wandering across the lawn, around the side of the house, picking his way through the shrubs and trees. He walked out onto the drive with his hands in his pockets and looked at Lewis’ SUV parked next to his car. It was turned off and the door was closed. He stepped down and entered the front of the house through the double doors.
He kicked his shoes off and hung his wet jacket on a hook on the back of the door of the front closet. As he padded down the steps into the living area he felt the heat of the now lit fireplace. A few lights were on by the chairs in the front sitting area. He saw Lewis in the kitchen, hitting the on button of the coffee maker. He put two mugs on the counter along with two spoons, milk and sugar. He leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms, watching as Leo pulled out a stool and sat at the island across from him. Lewis didn’t say a word; he just watched as Leo avoided his eyes.
After a few minutes, Leo looked up and snapped, “What?”
Lewis still didn’t speak, and moved over to the coffee maker as it wheezed and gurgled. He grabbed the thermal carafe and poured coffee into the two mugs. He shoved one of the mugs across to Leo and poured milk and then spooned sugar into his own coffee.
“You ruin it doin’ that,” Leo said flatly.
Lewis ignored the comment. He sat sipping his coffee for a few more minutes then put down the cup. “Ron is going to have to tell him.”
Leo whipped his head up to glare at Lewis. “No. No way. That’s not how it works. It’s no one’s business. I am the protectee…”
“You are the fucking White House Chief of Staff,” Lewis yelled. Leo picked up his coffee and set it back down as his hand shook, sloshing coffee onto the island. “Lewis, please. I don’t want…I just need… I need some time here. I need to think. I just need…quiet.” Leo hung his forward and drew in a deep, shaky breath.
“I can’t sir. You forced my hand. You forced me to follow you here by getting in that car and driving away alone. If I didn’t know about this place, we’d have no idea where you were. That is unacceptable.”
“Lewis, I just needed to get away from the circus, I…”
“Well, sir, you can’t.”
Leo heard car doors slam and he jerked up his head. “You didn’t,” Leo spat at Lewis.
“Not yet. That is just the rest of your detail, the one I run and am responsible for, along with you sir. Stay here,” Lewis said as he walked to the front door.

 

Leo refilled his coffee cup with shaking hands. He knew he shouldn’t have left, but he needed space and time to think, to work things out in his head. He had been dangerously close to falling off the wagon, but thankfully, he had been terrified enough of that happening that he had stayed sober. He didn’t know how long that would be the case though. He leaned back against the counter and took a gulp of the strong black coffee.
Lewis stepped into the front door and located Leo. “Sir, I’m going to get everyone set up in the guest cottage. Cruze went shopping on the way in and will bring in the groceries. We’ll have some dinner…and I saw that look. You will be eating with us.”
Leo stared back at Lewis then dropped his eyes when Lewis’ eyes narrowed. “Yeah. Fine. I’ll, uh…I got some chili in the freezer. I’ll heat that up.”
“Good, sir. I’ll be back shortly,” he said as he turned to leave, passing Cruze as he stepped in with arms laden with paper grocery bags. He put the bags on the island and looked at Leo. Leo looked up and grimaced.
“Sir. Merry chase you led us on,” he said as he emptied the bags onto the counter. Leo ignored him as he put a large pot on the stove and opened the freezer. He grabbed two large Ziploc bags full of frozen chili. He ran them under water in the sink to loosen the bags, then let them clatter into the big pot. He lit the burner under the pot and set it to low.
“Sorry, Cruze. Ummmm…”
“Yes sir.”
Leo opened the refrigerator door. “Pass me that stuff, Ernesto.” Cruze moved over and passed Leo the groceries from the bags; eggs, milk, three loaves of bread, several big bags of various lunchmeats, lettuce and tomatoes, bacon and sausage, several bagged salads, a few packages of chicken breasts and ground beef. The canned goods and bottles he walked over to the pantry.
“Lewis said I should make sure you eat.”
Leo grumbled. “I’m not hungry, but I am heating the chili for you guys…”
Cruze grabbed a loaf of bread he had not passed over and opened it. “Get whatever lunchmeat you want. I got lettuce and tomato. I think there is cheese in there too. Make a sandwich and eat it, or Lewis is gonna put in an IV…large bore…sir.”
Leo muttered under his breath but he pulled out a package of turkey and the lettuce and mayo. He made a sandwich then sat at the island. He picked it up and took a big bite, not admitting out loud he was starving.
“Very good, sir.”
“I am not a fucking toddler, Cruze.”
“Stop actin’ like it …sir.”
Leo whipped his head up and glared at him. “There is a line, Cruze.”
“Yes sir…and I think you crossed it,” he said and went to the pot of chili as it sputtered on the stove. He got a big spoon and moved it around, scraping off the thawed bits. Leo didn’t answer back. He finished the sandwich and brushed the crumbs into the island sink. He scraped back his stool and walked over to the sitting area by the back wall of windows and doors.
He grabbed the TV remote and fell onto the far sofa. He swung up his legs and laid down, his head rested on the arm. He flicked on CNN and yawned.
Cruze finished putting away groceries, stirred around the chili and left by the front door. He headed out to the guest cottage which had become secret service HQ when Leo was there. The cottage had a kitchen, living room and two bedrooms. Each bedroom had a queen bed and ensuite bathroom. The living room had a big couch that turned into a bed. The cottage also had a loft that housed two twin beds.
Lewis was taping a schedule to the refrigerator while another agent, Tommy Chen, put away the few groceries they needed in the cottage; basically, milk, coffee, a stack of a dozen large frozen pizzas and a dozen boxes of pop-tarts. “Schedule is up. Bill and Kal. You get first grounds watch. Tom and Ricky; lights out after you eat something. You are up at four am.” He looked up as Cruze sat at the kitchen table. “Ernie, let’s go back inside,” he nodded toward the main house. “We need to decide about the next few days, then you take the house while I catch a few winks.”
Cruze got up and followed Lewis into the house. While Cruze checked on the pot of chili, Lewis walked around the sofa where Leo had fallen asleep watching CNN. He picked up the remote from the floor and shook Leo’s shoulder. Just as Leo awoke, a flash of lightening lit the room and a low rumble in the distance foretold the arriving storm. Leo jumped and looked up a Lewis.
“C’mon, sir. Go to bed. It’s getting late and I bet you are tired.” He grabbed Leo’s arm and helped him sit up.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” Leo rubbed his eyes. “Okay.” He stood up and pulled his arm from Lewis grasp. “I can tuck myself in, Lewis. I’m a big boy.”
Leo shuffled in the direction of his bedroom door. Lewis let him go and waited until the door closed. He and Cruze sat at the big dining table next to the kitchen, with bowls of chili and sandwiches and set up a schedule and procedural chart to cover the next few days. He planned tomorrow to call Ron Butterfield and fill him in. From there, Ron would decide what happened. The rest of the detail came from the cottage to eat while Lewis filled them in and gave them their assignments for the night.

A huge clap of thunder followed by the crash of the front door and a cold blast of air tore Lewis awake as he slept fitfully on the sleeper sofa in the living room of the guest cottage. He sat up as a drenched Cruze wrestled the door shut. “Cruze?”
“Frank…he’s gone…I thought I heard a noise so I went into his room…he’s not there. He’s not in the house.”
“Who…McGarry…what the hell…” Frank yelled as he jumped up and pulled on his clothes? He stuffed his bare feet in his shoes, grabbed his coat and opened the door. “C’mon. He can’t be far.”
They ran back to the house and ran through it again, hoping to find Leo in one of the rooms, but the house appeared to be empty. They went back into Leo’s bedroom and discovered the sliding door to the patio was unlocked. “He must have left this way.”
“Got him…” came over Cruze’ ear piece. “They got him,” he offered to Lewis who hadn’t taken the time to grab his comm when he ran out the door. “Where,” he asked?
“Bill, where is he,” Cruze asked? Cruze heard shouting and a few grunts over the sounds of the storm. “Well,” Frank asked impatiently?
“Bill? Kal, where are you?”
“Back door…” Cruze heard.
“Back door,” he said as he and Lewis ran out into the living room. Cruze flipped open the locks on the massive sliding doors as agents Kal Snyder and Bill Black muscled a squirming and yelling Leo across the patio. Leo’s arms wind-milled around as he fought to escape. “No. No. God dammit, let me go.” One of Leo’s flying arms smashed Kal in the face and he stumbled, letting go of Leo. Bill grabbed him and threw him over his shoulder, an easy feat as Bill was six foot four and an ex college linebacker. Lewis and Cruze helped him through the door with Leo who was still flailing and yelling. Bill and Leo were drenched and water pooled on the floor as Bill tried to set Leo down. He put Leo down on his feet and started to move back when Leo hauled off and clocked him in the jaw. Bill lost his footing and as he went down he swept Leo’s feet out from under him and they both crashed to the floor. Bill cried out in pain as a loud crack caught everyone’s attention. Cruze shoved the door shut and he and Lewis dropped to the floor beside the two other men.
Bill was grimacing in pain while Leo just lay there stunned. “My ankle,” Bill moaned, then cried out when Lewis touched it. “Broken, Bill. Dammit.”
Cruze slipped a hand under Leo’s head and lightly slapped his cheek. “Sir? Mr. McGarry? You okay?”
Leo groaned and opened his eyes. The wild, panicked look that been there moments before was gone and he seemed confused. “What the hell, where am I? What happened,” he asked as he pulled away from Cruze?
“Don’t you know, sir,” Lewis asked as the other two agents burst in the front door, woken by the chatter on the comms.
“Tommy, Bill’s ankle is broken. Get the Suburban fired up. We gotta go to the ER.” He turned to Leo who was sitting slumped on the floor. “Mr. McGarry,” he called loudly. “Sir. You don’t remember?”
“Remember what? Huh?” Leo shook his head then groaned and grabbed it. “I was, uh…sleeping. I heard…there was…gunfire…” Leo shook his head. “Gunfire…and explosions…and I had to…I ejected…I…” he muttered as his hand rubbed his right leg, over and over.
Lewis and Cruze exchanged a glance. “Flashback, sir” Lewis asked softly?
Leo raised his eyes. “Yeah…I, uh…yeah.” He looked over at Bill lying on the floor. “Aw, shit…damn…did I…?” Leo tried to get up and go to him, but hissed in pain and fell back on the floor holding his hip.
Cruze lifted his head into his lap. “Sir, what hurts?”
Leo bit his lip. “My hip…I must have landed on my hip. It’s the bad one…” he moaned and grabbed his hip. Cruze lifted his wrist. “Hey, Tommy, we have two patients here. Hurry it up.” The door opened and Tommy stepped in. “All set. Cars by the door.” He strode in and went over to help agent Snyder and Lewis lift up and carry Bill to the car. Cruze and agent Ricky Moreno each grabbed one of Leo’s arms and helped him limp to the car.

 

Four hours later, the Suburban returned to Leo’s house. Bill was helped to the cottage as he struggled on crutches. His left ankle was casted in bright green fiberglass. Leo limped into the house, leaning on a cane. Cruze walked Leo into his bedroom. “Do you need any help, Mr. McGarry?”
Leo dropped onto the bed and leaned the cane on the night table. “Nah. I’m okay. The cane was unnecessary. I’ve fallen before. I am just sore. I can put myself to bed. Go away.” Leo pulled his sweater over his head and tossed it on the bed. He stood, unbuckled his belt and let the too large khaki’s fall to the floor. He groaned as he picked them up from the floor, grabbed the sweatshirt and walked to the closet on the other side of his bedroom. He opened the door and tossed the clothes in a laundry basket on the floor. He toed out of his socks and limped back to the bed, pulled back the sheet and comforter and laid back on the bed. He pulled up the bed clothes and closed his eyes as he curled on his left side. “Goodnight, Ernesto.”
“Sleep well, sir.” Cruze stood for a moment watching Leo’s breathing slow, then left. Lewis was pulling a reheated cup of coffee from the microwave when Cruze joined him in the kitchen. He held it up and tilted his head in question. Cruze nodded and Lewis slid the cup across to him then poured another cup from the now cold carafe and put it in the microwave. A few minutes later they were seated again at the dining table.
“So, you’re calling Ron in the morning. What are you gonna tell him?”
“Everything, Ernie. Have to. I can’t cover for him on this. This is turning into a fiasco. He flipped out and had to be chased and brought down in the middle of a thunderstorm… decked an agent.” Lewis ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what’s going on with him. The flashbacks have gotten worse. At the house the other day, when I went to pick him up, he was standing in the kitchen, staring, swaying a little…he didn’t know I was there. I swear he was having some kind of...jeez, I don’t know. It took a few minutes to get him to really realize I was there.”
“Is it all related to his PTSD?”
“Maybe. Could be…hell I don’t know. The man has been through hell and back and then to hell again. Can’t blame him for being a little messed up…but this is getting serious.”
“Yeah. I am gonna give it a few, make sure he is asleep, then I am gonna sit in his room. He’s not gonna get out again.”
“Okay. I’ll get someone to relieve you early so you can sleep. I’m gonna stay on the sofa here the rest of the night.”

Leo slowly opened his eyes, squinting a bit at the bright sunlight flooding the room. His eyes opened wide when he noticed Cruze in one of the chairs in the corner in front of the fireplace, reading a book.
“Good morning sir,” Cruze said without looking up from the book. When Leo didn’t answer he looked up at him. Leo smirked at him and sat up on the side of the bed. “Did you babysit me all night?”
“Yes sir, I did. Damn near finished this book, too.” He held up a Robert B. Parker paperback from Leo’s bookshelf. Leo grinned. “At least you recognize the good stuff.” He got up and headed toward the bathroom. “I’m gonna take a shower.”
Cruze left the bedroom and found Lewis up and in the kitchen with Tommy Chen fussing with the coffee maker and pulling food out of the fridge. ‘Hey, Ernie. First pot is on the island there,” he nodded at the stainless carafe sitting there surrounded by cups and a carton of milk. Cruze poured a cup, took a big drink and sighed.
“Please do not tell me you guys are cooking breakfast.”
“We’re cooking breakfast…well not really. There’s bread for toast, jam and butter, granola and yogurt. Oh, and bananas.”
Cruze placed his empty cup on the island. “Nah, thanks. I think I’ll grab a box of pop tarts in the cottage and head up to the loft to sleep.”
“Okay. I will send someone to get you up in six.” Cruze nodded as he plodded to the front door.

 

Leo stripped off his clothes after he peed and turned on the shower in his bathroom. It was a huge walk in shower lined in dark gray marble with two rain shower heads on the ceiling and two levels of jets that surrounded the shower at chest and waist height. Two hand-held nozzles hung from the back wall. There were benches at either end of the shower and a large half inch thick sheet of etched glass was positioned in the middle of the ten-foot span allowing entry from the sides.
Leo stepped into the shower and adjusted the temperature of the water. He stood under the rain shower head and allowed the side jets to pummel his body. He grabbed his sponge and soap and lathered up his body, then rinsed off. He poured shampoo in his hand and quickly washed his hair. He stepped out of the shower and dried off with a thick bath towel. He rubbed his hair dry and stepped to the sink to shave. He reached for the razor that was sitting on the sink countertop and suddenly his vision was filled with bright colored lights that swept across his field of view, pulsating and dancing around. Bile rose in his throat as a wave of nausea gripped him. He couldn’t move. Then the lights dimmed and the nausea subsided. It only lasted for fifteen or twenty seconds, just like the previous ones. He gripped the granite counter and stared at his reflection in the mirror.
After a few minutes he decided to forgo shaving and went into the bedroom. He pulled at the bed covers and half made the bed then went into the closet. He grabbed a pair of jeans and a ratty Michigan jersey. He went to the chest in the bedroom and pulled out a pair of cotton boxers, a t-shirt and socks. He dressed, ran his hands through his hair and opened his bedroom door. He could hear several voices talking and the scrape of chairs being moved across the floor. He stepped into the common space and watched as Lewis and three agents sat around the table with cups of coffee and toast and bowls of yogurt. Bill Black sat with his casted leg on the chair next to him. He could see Tommy Chen through the glass standing out on the patio, sweeping the property. Lewis looked over and saw Leo, minus the cane. He quirked up an eyebrow and nodded at his leg. Leo waved his hand. “It feels okay. Just sore.”
“Coffee,” Lewis asked as held up a cup? Leo nodded and made his way over to the table. The agents stopped eating as he approached and each nodded at him. He stopped a few feet from the table, then looked at Bill. “I’m sorry about the ankle,” Leo said as he nodded at his leg. “And for punching you.”
“You were not yourself, sir. Uh, you pack a mean punch, Mr. McGarry,” Bill grinned hoping to lighten the mood. Kal Snyder snickered. “Yeah, sir. Not too many people have managed to deck big Bill.”
Bill stared Kal down and they all started eating again. Leo took the cup of coffee from Lewis and sat down. Lewis pushed the plate of toast toward him, but Leo shook his head. “Not hungry. Maybe later,” he said as he sipped the hot brew.
“Okay.”
They sat in silence as they ate. A while later Kal and Ricky started to gather the plates and leftovers. The dishwasher was filled and started and Lewis put on another pot of coffee. Leo wandered over. “Lewis, I’d like to take a walk. Down to the beach. Just need to burn off some nervous energy. I’ll be fine, okay?”
Lewis looked out at the clear sky, the night’s storms having move on. “Not alone. Ricky, suit up. You’re gonna take a walk with Mr. McGarry.”
“Yes sir. Back in a few minutes.”
“Lewis, I don’t need a babysitter.”
“No Ricky, no walk.” Lewis stood in front of Leo and locked eyes with him. Leo just glared at him and Lewis calmly looked back, until Leo broke eye contact and growled, “Fine. I am gonna find my boots and a coat.”
When Leo emerged from his room wearing hiking boots and an insulated, navy blue North Face jacket, Agent Moreno was waiting for him by the back door that led from the living area. Lewis stood at the door watching as Leo marched down the lawn to the far back corner of the property then disappeared from view.
In the corner, behind a short brick wall, a small concrete apron led to the landing of a set of metal steps. The steps and railing were bolted into the face of the rocky cliff and led down to the rocky beach thirty-two feet below. The railing was on the side of the cliff and the steps were open on the beach side. Leo always felt a little uncomfortable on the steps, even though he had them reinforced when he bought the house, hanging onto the railing tightly as he descended.
The beach couldn’t rightly be called a beach. There was little sand at the bottom. It was rocky and uneven and at the best of times was little more than 10 to 12 feet wide, and extended to the north and south as far as you could see, which really, was not far considering how the coastline was shaped. If he headed south, to the right, he would eventually reach a true, though still narrow, sandy beach as the land curved to the west and was sheltered somewhat from the rougher currents that battered the eastern coastline.
He decided, though, to head north, picking his way over the rocks until he came to an open area that was littered with smaller rocks. It was a little easier to walk here. He slowly moved down the beach, hands shoved in his pockets, until he reached his favorite place to sit. A couple of hundred yards from where his property ended, a large flat rock sat right at the water’s edge. One edge hung out over the water at low tide and the other was reached by climbing a few smaller rocks that led to the flat surface where Leo sat down cross-legged facing the sea.
He zipped his coat all the way up under his chin and stuffed his hands in the pockets and gazed out over the rough water, deep in thought.

 

Back at the house, Lewis sat down at the dining table, took a deep breath and placed a call to Ron Butterfield. An hour later, after a little yelling and a lot of explanation, a plan had been hammered out. Lewis dropped his phone on the table and sat back in the chair.
His charge, the one and only Leo Thomas McGarry, was going to have a bloody, awful fit when he heard what the plan was. Lewis knew there was going to be a scene and he needed to make sure they kept a close eye on Leo. He had a thought, and went into Leo’s bedroom. He looked at the surfaces of the chest, bureau and TV stand. When he couldn’t find what he was looking for, he started opening drawers. He found Leo’s car keys and house key all on one ring. He pocketed the keys and left the room. No way was he going to give McGarry a chance to bolt again. If he wanted to run away, he’d have to walk.

 

Ron Butterfield stood outside the Oval office waiting for Mrs. Landingham to tell him it was okay to enter. He nervously tapped his foot as he waited, anticipating an irate President to be soothed. He turned when he heard Josh and Sam walking in to the office area, soon followed by CJ and Toby. Ron raised his eyebrows. Apparently everyone was going to be in on the update.
Mrs. Landingham nodded at Ron as he took a deep breath and opened the door to the Oval. The President was seated at his desk and stood when the group walked in. He motioned to the sofas and chairs. He was surprised to see Margaret, who he had not noticed at first, sitting on one of the sofas. When everyone else was seated, Ron cleared his throat and looked at his boss.
“We know where Mr. McGarry is.”
The President jumped to his feet. “It’s about time. It’s been a day and a half. Where is he,” he asked as he sat back down in his chair?”
Ron cleared his throat. “He is at his house in Maine…”
“What,” Jed asked? ‘What else had Leo been keeping from him?’ “He doesn’t, at least, I think he…he owns a house in Maine?”
“Yes sir. Quite a nice house it seems, from the photos we have on file. It sits right on the water above a thirty-foot rock cliff. Nearest town is Ellsworth, which is only a forty-minute drive. He drove there when he left the White House.”
“And how did you find him? How did you know that’s where he went?”
“Frank Lewis, his personal agent, runs his detail. He was going to Leo’s place to get him some additional clothes and toiletry items. He had stopped in the Secret Service office to handle some paperwork before he left, figuring, as we all did that Leo would be sleeping for some time. As he was pulling up to Leo’s place he passed a car that looked like Leo’s car but didn’t think anything of it. At Leo’s he decided on a whim to check the garage and found that his car was gone. He dropped everything, jumped back in his car and headed back the direction he had come. He made a wild guess, knowing that if Leo was leaving, he would go somewhere familiar. Lewis has been to the Maine house with Mr. McGarry twice before…”
“What? When,” interrupted the President?
“Sir, Lewis has been Mr. McGarry’s agent since day one. When he took that week break, right after the election, he went to Maine then. And again when his divorce was finalized. He needed a few days to himself.”
“I remember he took a few days. He never said where he had gone.”
“It was the Maine house. Apparently he bought it about a year before he came to you about running,” Ron questioned as he looked to Margaret?
She nodded, to the amazement of everyone in the room. “Yes, the papers were signed about ten months before. I have worked for him forever, remember? I dealt with some of the paperwork.”
“And you never said, hey, did you know Leo has a house in Maine,” Josh asked?
Margaret looked a little perplexed. “No. That’s not my place, Josh. You should know that. I keep Leo’s personal affairs just that. Personal.” She nodded her head once and then looked down at her hands.
“Thank you, Margaret,” Jed said.
“So,” Ron continued, Lewis followed on the most logical route and caught up with him about thirty minutes in. He was trying to catch up, and Leo had no idea he was being chased and was driving pretty close to the speed limit. Lewis followed him, keeping back so he wouldn’t be spotted.”
“Why didn’t he just pull him over and make him go back,” Toby asked?
Ron took a breath and rubbed his forehead. “Lewis has been with Mr. McGarry a long time. He knew that he was having some, uh, problems…”
“Yeah. He mentioned that he was not sleeping,” Jed offered.
“He has also been having flashbacks. I mean he always has had them, but they have increased in frequency again. That with lack of sleep, other factors…Lewis felt a direct confrontation could do more harm. He decided to follow him and see what happened. As it turns out, except for a stop for lunch, he drove straight to his house. Lewis found him there, out back, standing on the cliff.”
“What? Was he…”
“No. He was just standing there. Lewis took him inside. He ate something and went to bed.” Here Ron paused, knowing his next statement was going to elicit a reaction. “He was in bed until about two in the morning, when Cruze, Lewis’ second, came bursting into the cottage on the property saying that Mr. McGarry was missing.”
Jed jumped to his feet again, but Ron held out his hand, waiting until the President sat again to continue. “He’s okay. It seems there was a really violent thunderstorm going on that night. Mr. McGarry, in the midst of a flashback when some of the worst of the thunder began, lost it, and ran from the house. Cruze went to check on him after a particularly loud series of thunder and found his bedroom empty. The other agents were notified and they began searching for him. They found him outside, hiding in the bushes…” he paused while the President groaned, “and they caught him and returned him to the house. He was still out of it, caught in the flashback, and he fought them the whole way. When they got him in the house, he got loose and decked one of the agents. Punched him right on the jaw.”
“Oh my god. Who did he punch out,” the President asked?
“Bill Black.”
“What? Bill Black is six four and two hundred fifty pounds.”
“Yes sir. And Mr. McGarry decked him cold. Bill went down, took Mr. McGarry down and in the process Bill’s ankle was broken.”
“Wow,” Josh exclaimed. “Leo took out a Secret Service agent.”
Ron glared at Josh. “Not something we want getting around, do we Mr. Lyman.”
“No sir,” Josh said quietly.
“They were taken to the ER. Bill Black’s ankle was casted. Mr. McGarry had x-rays of his right hip, as he fell on it pretty hard. He is fine, just sore and using a cane until the bruising heals. He seemed in better spirits this morning and is presently taking a walk with one of the agents.”
Ron looked to the President. “The question now is; do we bring him back or let him stay?”
Ron sat down now, and watched as everyone considered the question. “Okay, Ron. What do you think,” the President asked?
“I think Mr. McGarry is in a bad, uhm, I think maybe he needs his space right now. I know that is crazy, him being the Chief of Staff, and a very visible part of this administration. But, if he needs time right now, we could cause more harm, by bringing him back and telling him to suck it up and do his job. I know that is blunt. Sir, I am ex-military myself. Unless you have been there, until you have experienced PTSD, and I do believe Mr. McGarry has and is experiencing PTSD right now, you have no idea what that does to a man.” Ron looked at Josh whose head was down, avoiding everyone’s eyes.
They waited while the President considered Ron’s words. He sighed and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. He looked at Josh. “Can you handle his workload? Do you know what he was working on?”
Josh looked over at Margaret who gave him a sharp nod. “Yes sir. With Margaret’s help I can take over some of things he was working on.”
“Toby? Sam? You can pick up the slack?”
They both nodded yes. “Yes. We can cover anything that comes up,” Toby affirmed.
The President was quiet again for a few long minutes then he made a decision. “Okay. Ron, I am sending Abbey to Maine, and I think CJ should go along.”
“ME. Why me, sir?”
“CJ, do you want me to send Josh or Toby, or Sam? No. Toby, sorry, has no tact. Josh is too close and Sam too naïve, sorry Sam. I need you to go and help Abbey. I am pretty sure Leo is not going to like Abbey showing up and is gonna fight her. I need you there to help keep him calm. He likes you. Okay?”
CJ looked at him like he lost his mind, then dropped her eyes. “Yes sir.”
“Ron, I am also going to call Stanley Keyworth. I think they might need him there.” Josh’s head flew up. “Stanley? Do you think Leo is…”?
“Josh, Stanley is a good man. He helped you, he is discrete, maybe he can help Leo.”
Josh nodded.
“Okay, Ron. How do you want to do this?”
“Sir, I think they should drive up. Marine Two landing in Acadia National Park is gonna be a big deal. A small motorcade. Three cars tops. It’s a twelve-hour drive, but it should be comfortable enough. CJ, you should pack for…” he looked to the President.
“A week, CJ. Hopefully not that long, but plan for a week. I assume Leo’s house has laundry, Ron?”
“Yes sir, and a pool and hot tub, workout room, library…it’s a really nice house.”
“See CJ. It’ll be like a vacation,” the President laughed at CJ’s grimace.
“Sir,” Toby asked, “How do we explain CJ’s absence. She is one of the most visible of the staff?”
“Family emergency?”
CJ nodded. She would call her family and tell them not to worry if they heard that on the news. She stood. “I guess I should go pack. When do we leave Ron?”
“I will let you know. I expect the President has to explain to Mrs. Bartlet what is going on.”
The President stood up. “Very good. Ron, I will let you know. I am going to go speak to Abbey now.”

 

Leo, still sitting on the rock now into his fourth hour, didn’t notice when Cruze replaced Moreno on the beach. Moreno had become worried when he tried to talk to Leo and he hadn’t answered. Had not even heard what he said. Cruze slowly walked over until he was just a few feet from Leo.
“Sir. Maybe it’s time to head back up.” Cruze waited. “Past lunch time. I bet you’re hungry.”
“Not hungry. Go away,” Leo muttered, his gaze never leaving the water in front of him.
“Mr. McGarry…”
“Cruze, leave me the hell alone. Go.”
Cruze backed up the beach, far enough away that Leo wouldn’t hear him over the surf. “Lewis.” A moment later he answered.
“Yeah. He still okay down there?”
“I don’t know. He hasn’t moved. He won’t talk. Says he is not hungry and to leave him the hell alone.”
“Okay, for now, let him be.”
“Okay, but he has got to be freezing, and I’ll bet cash money he won’t be able to walk after this long in the cold with that bad leg.”
“Yeah. I know. Not too much longer, but leave him be for now.”

 

‘If I sit here long enough will things begin to make sense? Can I put the pieces of the puzzle back together? Can I shove all the shit back into a dark corner of my head, and function again?
‘I have always been able to function, haven’t I? Well, at one point it took booze and pills to quiet the demons and deal with the pain, but I functioned, after a fashion. I wonder after all these years if Margaret really did me a service by standing by my side. I know I wouldn’t be here without her. I could be dead. I could still be drinking. She covered for me for so long. If I had crashed and burned sooner, would I still have Jenny? No, I think she had already left me in her head years before she actually did.
‘God, my leg hurts. Every day. No one knows how much pain I deal with…not just the leg, or my back, but the emotional pain…yeah, I admit it. At least the booze took care of the emotional shit, sort of, and the pills eased the physical pain and helped me sleep.
‘God, I wish I could sleep. I mean really sleep. Not what I do now. Dreamless, easy sleep, instead of the barrage of sounds and smells and voices screaming in the night, gunfire…
‘Shit. What the hell is going on…I am not this weepy, broken man that has been taking over my days and nights. I have coped, I have functioned…until now. I feel so…overwhelmed…tired…shit, I am so scared…’

Two hours later, Leo had not moved from his perch; but now, instead of gazing out to sea, he was sitting with his knees drawn up and his forehead resting on them. Cruze had tried twice to talk to him, but had not gotten a response, or even an acknowledgement that he knew he was there. Finally, Lewis spoke on the comm. “Bring him in Ernie. I am sending Ricky and Kal down to help.”
“Yes sir.” Cruze walked back to Leo. “Mr. McGarry, we are leaving. Now, sir.” He reached out and grabbed Leo’s arm. Leo didn’t fight. In his head he was giving up, he was willing to let the screams and the sounds and the past take over. He was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of the pain, tired of trying to hide the limp, when some days he wondered how he took a step, how he ran the White House.
Cruze, joined by Moreno and Snyder, lifted Leo off the rock and stood him on level patch of smaller rocks. When they let go of him, he collapsed. They caught him, grabbed him under the arms and mostly carried him across the rocky strip to the bottom of the steps leading back to the top. They tried to get him to climb the steps, but he had suddenly become dead weight and lay back, held up by Cruze.
“Lewis, we can’t get him to walk up the steps. He’s practically limp. I don’t trust one of us carrying him up; with no outer railing and the way they creak.”
“Okay Ricky. You’re gonna have to walk or carry him around on the rocks to that open area with the small beach and the overlook. We’ll park a suburban there. He’s been out since about nine o’clock. It’s now just after three so you still have lower tide. You should make it around okay. At high tide the rocks are covered. So move him now.”
“Got it, sir. Cruze, Kal, we gotta carry him around to that overlook that has that open beach. They will have a car waiting. Let’s just grab him under the arms and walk.”
Cruze and Kal grabbed Leo’s arm. They were the taller of the three, Ricky being the shortest of the detail, and they could easily lift Leo right off the ground if necessary. As they started to walk over the rocks, carefully stepping on the larger rocks which were more stable, Leo lifted his head and tried to pull away.
“What are you guys doing? Put me down.” He struggled against them until Cruze stopped and let go of him. He staggered and almost fell but grabbed onto Snyder. “Okay then. Walk. Move it or I will sling you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and haul your ass outta here.” Cruze was quickly losing his patience will Leo. They were they to serve and protect. They were to keep Leo alive and safe, at all costs, safe even from himself, and Cruze had just about had it with Leo’s attitude.
Leo and Cruze just stood and stared at each other, Leo swaying slightly, glaring, until he fell back against Kal Snyder. “Fine. I’ll walk. But I’ll…I…” Leo dropped his head and softly said, “Okay. Help me…”
Cruze just nodded and he Kal grabbed his arms again and helped him walk and climb over the rocks ‘til they reached the overlook. The suburban was waiting, running, with the heat on full blast. Cruze lifted Leo into the front seat beside Lewis and he and the other two agents climbed in the back. Lewis pulled out as Leo started shaking uncontrollably. Cruze pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around Leo from behind.
“We’ll be back at the house in a few minutes. We’ll get you in the shower and warmed up,” Lewis said as he backed up the suburban and pulled out onto the road. They pulled up in the driveway minutes later and Cruze jumped out and opened Leo’s door. He grabbed his coat and pulled Leo from the car and half carried Leo down the steps and through the front door. He marched him down the entry stairs and into his bedroom. He removed Leo’s soaked jacket and sat him down on the bed. Cruze pulled off Leo’s boots and damp socks, then stood and pulled the damp jersey over his head. He reached down and unbuckled Leo’s belt and reached to pull him onto his feet.
Leo chuckled. “Shouldn’t we at least have a date first, before you strip me, Cruze?”
Cruze eyed Leo with grin. “Okay, I guess you can do the rest yourself?”
“Yeah.” Leo stood and wiggled out of the wet jeans. Cruze went into the bathroom and started the shower, then walked back out. Leo was stripped, walking toward the bathroom. “I’ll start coffee,” Cruze said as he stepped aside and let Leo pass.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Fine. Don’t be a nursemaid, Cruze…” Leo growled as he walked past. Cruze snorted and left. Leo stopped by the sink, remembering the episode from this morning. He looked at himself in the mirror, for the first time realizing he really had lost weight. He shook his head, then stepped into the shower.
He showered and warmed up without incident. He dressed in a pair of old gray corduroy pants, an even older black wool turtleneck and thick white crew socks. He wandered into the kitchen where Lewis handed him a huge mug of coffee. Leo downed half the coffee in two gulps and held it out to Lewis. Lewis grabbed the carafe and filled his cup. Leo took another gulp and groaned.
“Lewis, I am gonna lay down in my den,” Leo tilted his head toward the door next to the refrigerator that led to his den. It was the same size as his bedroom on the other side of the house, with a wall of glass and a double sliding door. A fireplace sat in the back of the room on the outside wall with two comfortable chairs before it. His desk took up the middle of the room. Near the glass doors, a large leather sofa faced the outside and a large low coffee table sat before it.
Leo walked in and shut the door, quietly locking it, then sat back on the sofa, resting the coffee mug on his stomach. He stretched his legs out on the coffee table and sipped at his coffee. He was warm again and his thoughts returned to his early musings. Lost deep in thought he didn’t hear Lewis knocking at the door immediately. When Lewis kicked the door hard Leo jumped and went to the door. He unlocked it and had to jump back as Lewis barreled into the room.
“Don’t lock that door again, SIR, or I will take it down,” Lewis growled as he stalked into the room carrying another mug of coffee and a sandwich on a plate with a pickle.
“I’m not hungr…” Leo started to grumble. Lewis dropped the food and mug on the coffee table, picked up the empty mug and stepped in front of Leo. At six foot two, Lewis towered over the scrappy Chief of Staff.
“You have not eaten since last night. I made you turkey. It’s your favorite. Eat it. I mean it,” Lewis glowered at Leo as he loomed over him.
Leo swallowed and stepped back. “Fine. I’ll eat. Jeez…” he mumbled as he walked around the back of the sofa to avoid Lewis and sat in front of the food. He picked up the sandwich and took huge bite then glared back at Lewis as he chewed. Lewis didn’t even blink as he exited the room and softly pulled the door shut.
An hour later he went back into the den, carefully trying the door, checking to see if Leo had gotten up and locked it. He saw Leo sprawled on the sofa sound asleep as he pushed the door open. He smiled when he saw the sandwich and pickle had been fully consumed and the mug was empty. He even noticed a couple of candy bar wrappers on the table from the stash in Leo’s desk that he thought no one knew about. Grinning he walked across the room and pulled a heavy fleece blanket from the back of one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. He shook it out and laid it over Leo who immediately, still sound asleep, grabbed the blanket curled into a ball under it. Lewis picked up the plate and mug and softly closed the door again as he left.

At six in the evening, while Leo slept, Abbey and CJ slid into the armored limo that would take them to Maine. Two Suburban’s, in front of and behind the limo, would escort them on the trip. Abbeys detail plus an additional two agents would provide security at the house and allow better coverage of the area. CJ yawned as the motorcade pulled out.
“This is a twelve-hour trip? We’ll be exhausted by the time we get there,” she looked at her watch, “at six or seven in the morning.” She stifled another yawn.
“Well, I intend to sleep for a while, unless you want to talk,” Abbey said as she curled up on the seat. She folded her coat under her head as the car was warm enough to do without it.
“Well, I do want to talk, but we can later. I think I’ll sleep too.” CJ slumped in the opposite corner and stretched out her long legs. She folded her hands across her stomach and closed her eyes.

 

The slam of a car door woke CJ from a sound sleep. She sat up, rather groggily, and groaned when her neck cracked. Then she smelled coffee and her eyes flew open. Abbey was holding a super-sized Styrofoam cup of coffee out to her. CJ took it and took a long sip.
“Oh, god. That is heaven.”
“I know girlfriend. And in this bag,” she held up a white waxed paper bag, “are donuts. Sugary, fattening, wonderful donuts.” CJ stomach grumbled and the two woman laughed out loud.
“Well, open the damn bag, Abbey.” Abbey opened the bag and CJ dipped her hand in and come up with a large powdery donut. CJ took a huge bite and Abbey giggled at the powder all over CJ’s nose and chin. She grabbed one for herself and dug in. CJ looked out of limo window and saw the driver gassing up the car. Several Secret Service agents stood around scanning the surrounding parking lot where the gas station sat next to an old concrete block diner.
CJ looked at her watch as they finished off the last of the donuts and Abbey crinkled up the bag and dropped it on the floor. “Wow. It’s only midnight. We’re only halfway there.”
“Well, I feel pretty wide awake, “Abbey said as she sat up on the seat, sipping at her coffee. “So, maybe now is a good time to talk, CJ.”
CJ sat up and smoothed her skirt and took a deep draught of her coffee. “Yeah. I am really not sure why we are doing this Abbey. I mean, if Leo needs time to work out some personal problems, shouldn’t we just leave him alone and let him have his space? Won’t he resent us showing up and bothering him? Is this really any of our business? He is my boss, Abbey. What right have I to interfere in his personal problems? I understand why you are going. You have known Leo for a long time and you are a good friend. But why am I here?”
“CJ, you are here because Leo likes you, he trusts you and you are not going to tell or say something terribly hurtful, or ramble on about nothing and everything, or be too shy or afraid to say anything. You are kind and caring and you will listen to Leo and maybe help him. That’s why.”
“Oh. Okay Uh, yeah. Right.”
“Oh boy, maybe I should have brought Toby,” Abbey laughed at CJ’s discomfort.”
CJ blushed and grinned. “No. I get it. You’re right. The President read that right off the bat didn’t he?”
“Yes, he did. Now, finish your coffee and relax. We still have another six hours to go.”

 

Lewis walked into the den again at midnight to check on Leo. He was still curled up under the fleece blanket on the sofa. On his last trip, Lewis had brought a pillow from Leo’s bed and gently placed it under his head. He now clutched the pillow under his head, his breathing slow and deep.
Lewis decided to leave him on the sofa. Leo was sleeping soundly and he didn’t want to wake him just to move him to his bed. He closed the door and raised Ricky Moreno on the comm. “Hey, Rick. I am going to let Mr. McGarry sleep in the den. Just in case, cover the door. We don’t need a repeat of the other night.”
“On it, boss,” Ricky said and Lewis saw him move into position on the patio. Lewis poured another cup of coffee and settled in at the island for the rest of the night.

The front sitting area of the house, by the front entry, next to Leo’s bedroom door, was furnished with a huge square, low table scattered with magazines and coasters. Four huge, overstuffed deep blue club chairs with high backs and arms, flanked the low table, two on each side, facing each other. Between each set of chairs stood side tables, each with a dark grey wide clay pot lamp and light grey shades. Lewis was slouched down in one of the club chairs, lightly sleeping. The sounds of car doors slamming brought him awake.
He sat up in the chair, rubbing his eyes. He wandered over to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. He knew everyone was going to be pretty wiped out from travelling overnight. He walked over to the front double entry and opened the doors just as the first lady’s detail approached. Lewis stepped aside and let them in to sweep the house.
When the lead agent of Abbey’s detail came downstairs, he and Lewis walked over to the island to talk, while the other agents went to the car to bring in Abbey and CJ.
“So, Lewis. How are things going here,” Paul Deacon asked as he accepted the cup of coffee Lewis slid across the counter to him. “Tense. He’s jumpy. We’re not sure what is going on with him. We are kind of playing it by ear.”
“I am not comfortable with that, Frank. Not with the first lady involved.”
“I know, Paul. I don’t think he’s dangerous to anyone but himself at this point.”
Paul shook his head and took a drink of coffee. “If at any time I feel things are getting unstable here, I am pulling the First Lady. No hesitation, Frank.”
“I am with you, Paul. I totally agree. I know the President wants this, but I am really not sure if this is a good idea. One thing makes me feel better; Dr. Keyworth is due early evening. He will be spending a lot of time with Leo. At least that’s the plan.”
“Does Mr. McGarry know he is coming?”
Frank shook his head as he swallowed another cup of coffee. “No. I thought it was best he didn’t know who was coming out beforehand. We’ll deal with him later, together.”
Paul just raised his eyebrows. “Yeah. Right…okay. Well, let’s get the first lady settled in and Ms. Cregg. Where is Mr. McGarry?”
“He’s asleep in his den. I am just gonna let him sleep.”
“Good idea. Okay, uh, where are the First Lady and CJ going to sleep?”
“C’mon,” Lewis walked back up the entry steps onto the landing and walked over to the suspended staircase to the second floor. On the second floor, four bedrooms were arranged as two Jack and Jill suites that all led off the main hallway that ran the length of the front of the house. On the left side, the front of the house, floor to ceiling windows let in light that lit the whole hallway. The bedrooms and bathrooms opened into the hallway, and the two large bathrooms also opened into the connected bedrooms.
Lewis led Paul into the furthest bedroom. I thought we could put CJ here,” he said as he walked to a door on the inside wall, “and through the bathroom here, is the other bedroom. We could put First Lady here. An internal room offers more security.”
Paul walked to the back wall and pulled the curtains aside. Lewis picked up a remote from the dresser and with a click, a wall of curtains opened to reveal another huge expanse of floor to ceiling windows and a double sliding door. Outside a ten-foot-deep balcony ran the length of the house. Four small tables with chairs sat before each set of doors by each bedroom. At either end, metal spiral staircases led to the ground.
“Yeah. Oh boy. I’m glad we brought extra security. I don’t like this. It’s so open. So many entries,” Paul said as he opened his comm. “Hey, Will, we are going to need to work out security on this…yeah…I saw that…okay. Meet me up here.”
Lewis turned and left and went downstairs as Abbey and CJ were being ushered into the house. They stood on the entry landing at the top of the steps. “Wow, CJ whispered as she and Abbey looked over the living space. “Look at that cool staircase. It looks like it’s floating.” Abbey was looking at the sitting area nearest them with the four chairs. She could see through the fireplace to the other side and saw a table and a couch. On the right side the kitchen with the huge island and the extra-large dining table drew CJ’s attention. Lewis walked up then and greeted the women.
“Ms. Cregg, ma’am. Pretty amazing house, huh?”
“It is Lewis, very nice,” Abbey said.
“This is the main level, obviously. On the other side of the fireplace are two huge sofas with a duplicate of the table you see here. There is a flat screen on top of the fireplace. See that door on the other side, next to the refrigerator…that is Mr. McGarry’s study or den. I am sure you will see it later. That door, at the front here…that is Mr. McGarry’s bedroom suite and sitting room. Upstairs there are four bedrooms. And downstairs is the laundry, a huge pantry, a gym, a billiards room and a TV room. Out back is a pool and hot tub, which we won’t use in November.”
“Well, maybe the hot tub,” CJ grinned.
Frank just raised his eyes.
“Frank? Where is Leo,” Abbey asked?
“He is in the den sleeping. He fell asleep on the sofa last night and I felt he needed the sleep. I didn’t want to risk waking him and then him have trouble going back to sleep.”
“Okay Frank. Do you know when Dr. Keyworth is to arrive?”
“His plane gets in to Bangor at 4:10 pm. It’s about a fifty-mile drive from Bangor. So I am expecting him before six o’clock. We’re hoping to have dinner ready for when he arrives.”
“So where are our rooms?”
“I’ll take you up, ma’am.” Lewis led the way up the stairs and to the end of the hall. He opened the last door and led them in. This room was done in a deep blue theme with a light gray carpet and a king bed. “CJ, this is your room. This is the shared bathroom. I hope you don’t mind, but there are only two bathrooms, and Dr. Keyworth will have the other one. So through here, ma’am is your room. It opens to the hall through that door.” This room was decorated in a burgundy theme with a rose colored carpet. It too had a king bed covered with pillows, a bureau with mirror, a tall chest and night tables on either side of the bed. It was a mirror of CJ’s room, just a different color.
“They are lovely rooms. The beds look very comfortable. Thank you Lewis.”
“Ma’am,” Lewis said as he backed out of the bedroom into the hallway.”

While CJ and Abbey unpacked and got comfortable, Lewis went downstairs and knocked softly on Leo’s study door. He entered and closed the door behind him. Leo was stirring on the sofa as he walked over and sat before him on the coffee table. Leo rolled onto his back and opened his eyes, squinting as he tried to focus.
“Lewis? What…time is it?”
“About seven-thirty. You sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” Leo muttered as he rubbed his face. I think I did.” He sat up and threw the fleece to the end of the sofa. “I’d kill for a cup of coffee,” he said as he scooted forward on the sofa.
Lewis put a hand on his shoulder and Leo sat back. “Wait, sir. Mr. McGarry, I need to fill you in on a few things.”
Leo glared at him. “WHAT things?”
“We have company…”
“Who the hell…”
“Stop. Listen to me, please. The President…”
Leo dropped his head back on the sofa and groaned. “Mother of God.”
“No…the President, sir.”
“Right…right. Who?”
“The First Lady…”
“Oh, fer Christs sake. What the hell is thinking? Abbey? God dammit.” Leo tried to stand but Lewis pushed him back on the sofa. “Sir, Stanley Keyworth is also due this afternoon.
Leo was at a loss for words. His jaw dropped and he stared at Lewis as his eyes filled with tears. ‘Jesus…they think I have cracked…they think…what the else do they…God…no…’
“And, uh…CJ Cregg came with the First Lady.”
Leo jumped to his feet, pushing Lewis out of the way. ‘God…no.’ “No. God dammit. NO. Drive her back, fly her, however she got here, take her back. I can’t see…Uh…I don’t want…just get rid of her, Lewis.”
“Where are they now,” Leo asked as went to the door and stopped with his hand on the doorknob?
“Upstairs…unpacking.”
“I mean it Lewis. Send her home. Now. And while you are at it, send Abbey too. And tell Stanley not to bother.”
“Sir…Mr. McGarry. Dammit. Leo, if you do not agree to this, having someone here to talk to…letting the First Lady check you out…Leo, we have orders to return you to Washington and check you into GW, even if it means we have to tie you up in the back of a Suburban.” Lewis stood up walked over to Leo. “Please. Let us help.”
Leo was shaking with rage as he drew back from Lewis. He threw the door open and stalked into the kitchen. He poured a cup of coffee into a mug on the counter top. He took a gulp, then headed to his bedroom. “Leave…me…the…hell…alone,” he threw over his shoulder as he slammed the door.
Lewis slumped against the island and slapped his hand on it. “Well, that went just swell.”

 

Leo slammed the door and staggered to the sitting area in his bedroom and fell into one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. He slammed his coffee on the side table between the chairs and hissed as the hot coffee spilled over his hand. He fell back, his head on the chair back and his fists clenched on the arms of the chair. The tears he had managed to keep in fell down his face in the privacy of his room. He jumped up and walked over to the door reaching out to lock it but stopped and pulled his hand back. He didn’t Lewis breaking down the door. He went to the bed and dropped onto it and rolled into the middle. He reached up and grabbed a pillow and wrapped his arms around it, drawing it up to his stomach. He curled around the pillow and just let go, let the sobs and the tears come and within minutes he fell back into a restless sleep.

 

Abbey and CJ finished unpacking and wandered downstairs. Lewis was sitting at the dining room table with Abbey’s lead agent Paul. They finished talking and Paul nodded to Abbey and CJ and left through the front door. Lewis nodded at the table. “Please. Sit. Coffee?”
“Yes, please,” they answered. Lewis brought a full carafe to the table, with cups, milk and sugar and a plate of muffins. He poured the coffee while CJ grabbed a blueberry muffin and Abbey chose a bran muffin. Abbey took a sip of coffee and then turned to Lewis. “So? Is Leo awake yet?”
Lewis cringed and nodded. “Yes. He is up. And pretty pissed off, right now.”
“You told him we were here. I was sure that would not go over well,” Abbey smirked as she took a bite of her muffin.
“No ma’am. He is pretty mad. He went to his room and slammed the door. I almost went to check if he had locked it, but I threatened that I would bust the door down if he did yesterday,” Lewis chuckled.
He looked at CJ then back to Abbey. “He was quite upset that…I uh, I don’t know if…ummmm…he seemed very angry that Ms. Cregg was here. He yelled at me and said I was to return her to DC immediately.”
CJ looked uncomfortable and almost embarrassed. “Why?”
“Well, I was going to ask you that…why would he not want you here…I mean, he doesn’t want anyone here, but you explicitly? I though you two got along quite well.”
“We do…did…I am not aware of anything I have done…I don’t know,” CJ stumbled and took a drink of coffee. I don’t know.”
Abbey laid a hand on CJ’s arm. “I don’t think it’s you, CJ. We know now that Leo has been having some problems; dreams, flashbacks, lack of sleep. He’s not eating. It could be that he is embarrassed, afraid to show weakness in front of you. Me, he has known forever and I have seen him at less than his best.”
“Yeah, maybe that is it.” CJ took another bite of muffin and shook her head.
“Well, I think I need to speak to Leo. You said he is in his room,” Abbey asked as she stood and picked up her cup of coffee.
“Yes, the door over there beyond the sitting area. Abbey took another drink then set her cup on the table and went to the door to Leo’s room. She knocked softly on the door and listened. She knocked again, and when she did not get a reply, she opened the door and stepped in. She closed it gently and walked in to the room. On the wall to the left a large wide dresser stood with a mirror above it. Beyond that in the far corner of the space, a fireplace sat on the back wall with two wide, fat wing-backed chairs set before it. A solid wood table sat between the chairs where Abbey could see a coffee cup set in a puddle of dark liquid. Ahead of her on a short bit of wall stood a tall chest and to the right of that an open door led to a roomy walk in closet. She turned to the right and stepped in further to see the king sized bed with a night table on either side. Floor to ceiling sliding doors let sunlight into the room. Beyond the bed and next to the glass doors, another open door led to what she assumed was the bathroom from the tile floor she could see.
Hunched in the middle of the bed, curled around a pillow, she saw the limp form of her friend. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. He was too far away for her to touch in the middle of the wide bed, so she just sat and waited. He didn’t move a muscle, and his voice sound tired and fragile as he spoke around the pillow he hugged. “Why are you here?”
She didn’t answer right away. She didn’t want to talk to the pillow. She wanted to see Leo’s eyes. She wanted to see his face. When she remained silent, and the silence turned into long minutes, Leo finally, slowly unfolded and raised himself up on his right elbow with a low groan.
Abbey almost gasped in shock when she saw the haunted look in Leo’s eyes; the dark circles under them and the shiny tracks on his cheeks. He looked skeletal; thin and small, his clothes too loose, his hair matted. He looked devastated and it took all she had not to climb over the bed and take him in her arms.
“Why are you here, Abbey?”
“Because we love you, Leo. Jed and I love you and we want to help.”
“You can’t…help me, that is. They won’t go away. They will never go away…just get worse and worse…” Leo met her eyes with a red-rimmed, glassy eyed stare. How do you stop them?”
“Leo, honey, stop what,” Abbey asked as she gave in and moved across the bed until she was next to him?
“The…dreams…the memories…the…ghosts…,” Leo moaned as he fell into Abbeys arms and sobbed. She gathered him into her arms, tears running down her face as she rocked him and held him until the sobs faded away and he fell asleep, his head in her lap. After a few long minutes, she eased her body away, slipped a pillow under Leo’s head and drew the soft blanket at the foot of the bed over his body. She rubbed her face and slid off the bed.
She walked over to the bathroom and ran cold water, splashed it on her face. She dried off and looked at herself in the mirror. Determined that her friend was going to get help, she nodded, then quietly left the room.
CJ was still sitting at the dining table, gazing out onto the pool and yard through the glass wall. Abbey walked over and pulled out the chair next to CJ and sat down.
“How is he,” she asked Abbey as she turned on the chair to face her?”
Abbey shook her head and looked down at the hands in her lap. “Honestly, I don’t know. I think we are more in the realm of Stanley’s world than mine. I don’t think his problem is physical…”
“Is it the PTSD…” CJ started to ask but Abbey stopped her?
“CJ, Leo has been dealing with PTSD since Vietnam. It has always been there. In the beginning he dealt with it with booze and later pills. After Sierra Tucson, I think he dealt with it by working like a demon, never allowing it a chance to surface. That is why he works the way he does, and why he doesn’t sleep. I don’t know why he doesn’t eat. But as long as his mind is full of bills and numbers and memos and, whatever, the demons stay subdued.” She looked up at CJ and shrugged. I think that that is not working for him anymore. I am not sure he has ever really ‘dealt’ with it. I think he has spent the last thirty odd years running from it, suppressing it, shoving it away. I think the time has come that he finally needs to look it in the face and come to terms with it.”
“Rosslyn, Josh, the MS…it has all been body blow after body blow.”
CJ reached over and took Abby’s hand. “Somedays, I look at him Abbey and I am overcome with so much…respect? Pride? Love…not like that…no…but love…like a dear friend…he has seen so much and he is so strong. He holds us all together with his bare hands, Abbey. I have watched him. I have seen his gather us all together and with little more than his words, he drags the best from us, inspires us, encourages us…we would be lost without him…guiding us…” CJ stopped, overwhelmed, as tears came to her yes.
Abbey clutched CJ’s hands and they leaned together for a moment, then Abbey pulled away and stood. She placed a hand on CJ’s shoulder. “That is why we are going to make sure that Leo is going to be okay. Stanley will be here later. Right now, I am going to try to catch up on some sleep. This could be a long week or two.”
CJ nodded as Abbey left and turned to stare back out of the windows.

 

Leo moaned and turned over as he woke up thirty minutes later. He looked around. Abbey was gone. He pulled off the blanket and rolled to the edge of the bed and stood. He swayed and sat down quickly. Taking some deep breaths, he rubbed his face hard, rolled his shoulders and tried again. Satisfied that there was no dizziness this time he walked over to his bedroom door and opened it quietly. Beyond the sitting area, he could see CJ sitting at the dining table, chin resting on her hands as her elbows rested on the table. She was looking out of the windows and seemed deep in thought.
He tried to ignore the squirming cramp in his gut and step through the door, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t face her right now, so with shaking hands he quietly shut the door.
He stripped off his slightly damp clothing and tossed it all in the basket on the floor of the walk in closet. He grabbed a blue crew neck sweater from one of the oak cubby holes on the wall and a pair of black denim jeans from another. As he passed the chest by the closet door he grabbed a pair of boxers and went into the bathroom.
He dropped the clothing on the sink counter and then leaned his hands on it, gazing into the mirror he studied his reflection. ‘Shit. I look like hell.’ He turned on the taps and adjusted the temperature of the water, then satisfied, leaned over and splashed water over his face. He grabbed his having brush and mug, wet the brush and worked up a lather in the mug. He lathered his face and picked up his razor. He twirled the hefty stainless steel German-made razor until he was comfortable with his grip, then lifted it to his cheek. He shaved slowly, methodically, taking care to shave in the ever increasing grooves and wrinkles that seemed to have appeared from nowhere.
After shaving he went into the shower and turned the water on as hot as he could stand it. The shower and the bathroom filled with a roiling cloud of steam. He stood with his head back, the jets around the walls of the shower beating at his body. He reached for the sandalwood bar of soap he used to wash and his world suddenly tilted just a little sideways and the colored lights that had been filling his vision of late were back. When the lights came, when they flitted across and filled his vision, he felt like the world had gone soft and quiet. A soft hiss in his ears and an aching nausea in his gut accompanied the lights. They never stayed for long, but they were coming with more frequency.
He gasped slightly when the lights receded and the sounds of water and his ragged breathing filled his ears again. He quickly soaped his hair then rinsed and turned off the water. He rubbed his hair dry with a towel, rubbed the towel over his body then grabbed his clothing and went and sat on the bed. When he felt fully in control again, he dressed. He stopped and pulled a pair of thick white socks from the chest by the closet, then, with a deep breath, opened the door and went into the kitchen.
He walked straight to the coffee pot and filled one of the cups sitting next to it. He took a deep draught, then turned and looked around the room. Lewis, Abbey and CJ were all sitting on the sofas by the back doors, each holding a mug of coffee and looking right at him. He steeled himself and walked across the room. He sat next to Lewis who was on the far sofa; Abbey and CJ sat on the near one. He took another drink and looked across at Abbey who smiled at him. Then he looked to Lewis, who nodded. Finally, he looked at CJ and he almost lost it. The mug shook in his hand and he felt sick. “CJ,” he tried to talk to her…but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He almost threw the mug on the table, the coffee sloshing up over the rim and jumped to his feet. “I…uh…I really…I have to go.”
He walked across the room with his fists clenched, trying desperately to hold himself together. He slammed through the door to his den and fell onto the leather sofa. He pulled the fleece from the back of the cushion and buried his face in it as sobs wracked his body.
CJ set her cup on the coffee table as tears filled her eyes. She stood and raised her hands in question, then ran upstairs to her bedroom. She threw herself on the bed, and as Leo had downstairs, sobbed into her pillow.
Abbey gave him thirty minutes to get himself together, then she walked into the den and softly shut the door. Leo was still on the sofa, face on the fleece blanket, but the sobs had stopped. She could see the wetness on his face. She had heard the sobs through the door.
She walked over and sat on the coffee table. Leo was facing the back of the sofa. She laid a hand on his shoulder and he flinched, burying his face deeper in the blanket. “C’mon honey. It’s me. Turnover and let me see those gorgeous blue eyes.”
Leo shook his head and groaned. Abbey pulled at his shoulder. “Goddammit, Abbey. Could ya just go away,” Leo groaned into the blanket?
“Nope. I’m here until you talk to me buddy.” She moved to the end of the sofa and pulled his legs into her lap. Leo tried to pull his legs away, but Abbey held on and let him struggle. He finally spun around and sat up, yanking his legs away with force and glared at her.
“What the hell do you want?”
“I want you to talk to me. Tell me what is going on. What you are feeling.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t…or won’t”
“Abbey…I can’t…if I start…if I…I don’t know. How can I tell you when I just don’t know?”
“You do, Leo. You know, but you are scared. I know you Leo McGarry. I have known you forever and I know how you hide things away, bury them so deep you can then deny they exist. You are a coward when it comes…”
“Fuck you, Abbey,” Leo swore as he tried to jump up from the sofa. Abbey had a firm hand in his sweater and she pulled him back down on the sofa cushion.
“God dammit, woman, let me go.”
“Sit. Talk to me. Tell me what the hell is wrong with you. When Stanley gets here it’s going to be a lot harder. You have no choice Leo. You abdicated choice when you ran.”
Leo settled back on the sofa letting his head fall back on the cushion. Abbey let go of his sweater and took his hand in hers. When she looked up at him, tears were running down the sides of face and down his neck. She sat quietly, holding his hand, waiting for the tears to stop.
Sometime later, Leo lifted his head and sighed. He stared straight ahead through the glass. “It’s been going on for a while, and maybe even back to the campaign. But lately, I can’t control them. They come every night, now. Then when I think they can’t get any worse, they morph into flashbacks. Really bad ones. I can even smell the rot and the blood and the cordite and the jet fuel. But they always start of dreams, of her.
“Dreams I can’t control. Over…powering…I don’t love her…I don’t…I never thought of her that way…but the dreams are so…God,” a deep groan came from his gut.
“God…the dreams are…erotic…even more than that they are so real…so…I can’t explain it,” he moaned with a shake of his head. “They consume me…they are sexual and physical and its sex and sweat and…Jesus…I wake up…and…I’ve…no…
“When I see her in the halls, in meetings, the dreams are always there in the back of my mind…like they are alive…I see them in the middle of the day…I have to leave…I can’t be near her…I can’t sleep anymore without the dreams, without the flashbacks. I can’t eat…when they come to me I vomit…I am sickened by them…I would never do…
“I can’t exist like this…I can’t see C…her…I can’t. Why? What is wrong with me. I am afraid and disgusted and sick and my hands shake all the time…I can barely sign my name…I can’t concentrate to read…
He turned his head to look at Abbey and she was shocked by the haunted look in his eyes. What was he saying? CJ was the woman in his dreams?
“Leo…are the dreams about CJ? Do you have feelings…”
“NO. Not like that. I mean, I like CJ. I like her a lot. I respect her, I do, but this…these thoughts…I don’t understand. I don’t know when this…thing…where this…obsession came from. Abbey, I don’t know what is wrong, why these thoughts are so…overwhelming, so…I can’t…I mean, CJ is beautiful and in another world, I could be, I would be attracted to her…but I am her boss, we work in the biggest fishbowl in America. I am too old for her, I have too much baggage…”
“Leo, I think you are protesting too much. Do you…”
“Abbey, stop. Please.” Leo rubbed his eyes. Bright flashes of light rimmed his vision and a deep droning hum resonated in his ears. ‘God. Not now. This can’t happen here.’ He shook his head and focused on Abbey. His whole world seemed to tilt to the left, then level again, as the drone faded away and his vision returned to normal.
Abbey was holding his hands. “Leo? What the hell just happened?”
Leo pulled his hands away and scrubbed his face. “Nothing. Just this damn headache. I’m fine.”
“Okay. Leo, maybe you should talk to CJ.”
“NO. I can’t…not now, not yet.”
“Leo, maybe this is your subconscious telling you that you are interested in her.”
“Abbey. No, that can’t happen. It’s wrong. I don’t want to go there. I can’t. I just want these damn dreams to stop.” He stood up and held out his hand to Abbey. She took his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet.
“I’m actually a little hungry. How about I make some coffee and sandwiches?”
“That sound wonderful, Leo.”

 

After they ate, Leo went to his room, telling Abbey he wanted to curl up with a book. Abbey went upstairs to seek out CJ. She found her, asleep on her bed, curled around a pillow. Abbey sat on the bed and the motion woke CJ. She gazed at Abbey with bleary eyes. “Oh, God. How long have I been asleep?”
Abbey chuckled. “Not long, a couple of hours. Sit up. We need to talk.” Abbey climbed onto the bed and sat across from CJ. I spent the last couple of hours with Leo.”
“God, Abbey. Is he okay? I’ve never seen him like that. He looked terrified when he walked away. He looked at me like he…hated me…”
Abbey grabbed CJ’s hands and held them. “CJ, how do you feel about Leo?”
“What do you mean…whoa…no Abbey. Where did you get that idea? Did Leo say something? He did, didn’t he? What did he…oh my god…”
“Calm down. First, just answer my question.”
CJ took a deep breath. “I…like Leo. We all do. I, we, have known him a long time, Abbey. Not as long as you and Jed, but a long time. I love him, like I love the spin boys…not like Toby, who has been, you know… I think Leo is a handsome, debonair, smart, witty, powerful man. I may have, and god, this goes no further, but I sorta had a…crush on him during the campaign. But he was married, Abbey. I knew it would never happen.”
“He’s not married now, CJ.”
“Abbey, come on. Leo? Me? We wouldn’t dare. Wait…did he say something to you?” CJ had a growing look of discomfort on her face as she pulled her hands away from Abbey.
“CJ, just listen. Leo is, has been, having dreams, very vivid dreams. Dreams that are so strong and…disturbing…that he is avoiding sleep because the dreams are so…and he has been avoiding you…”
“He’s been having these dreams about ME? Oh my god…what kind of creams?”
“He didn’t give me details, but he said they are very explicit and…erotic…he said that they have taken over his nights and have begun to bleed into his waking moments. He feels he is becoming obsessed with you…wanting you…but he insists that he doesn’t know why this is happening. He said those dreams then begin to change and morph into full blown flashbacks that he is having trouble dealing with.”
CJ just stared at Abbey with her mouth open. “Erotic?”
“The way he said it, I guess they are very explicit. He was blushing…”
“Oh my god. Oh…how can I even look him in the face, Abbey. How embarrassing…for both of us. I swear Abbey I have never done anything that would…”
“CJ,” Abbey stopped her, taking her hands again. I know. HE knows. I don’t know why this is happening…he described them as almost hallucinations…he wants it to stop, CJ. PTSD, in extreme forms can result in hallucinations. If his PTSD has become this extreme, he needs help. He needs help soon. Delusions and even disorganized behaviors can become pronounced. Treatment is critical, if he is developing these problems. I hope Stanley is here soon. I am very worried about him, CJ.”
“God, Abbey. Why would this happen now?”
“Because Leo has always taken things on himself. He won’t admit weakness. He won’t ask for help, until the situation is almost beyond control. That’s why he was an alcoholic for so long. He used the booze and the pills to cushion himself from the past. No one knows, CJ. Maybe Jed does, but I am sure there are things Leo has not told even Jed. Terrible things have happened to Leo and he has been trying to bury them most of his adult life. Now, he doesn’t have the booze and pills to offer him oblivion. I fear for him CJ. I fear that this could result in mental illness, or worse, that he could take…”
“Abbey…he wouldn’t…Leo would never…”
“CJ. We don’t know that for sure. He could take his own life if he were desperate enough to silence the ghosts of his past.”
“We have to help him, Abbey.”
“I hope he lets us, CJ. I hope he lets us.”

 

That evening, CJ, Abbey, Lewis, Paul and several other agents sat around the dining table eating dinner. Abbey and CJ had scrounged the kitchen and the downstairs pantry and deep freeze and put together a dinner of stew that Leo must have cooked at some point and left in the deep freeze, biscuits Abbey made from scratch, a salad from ingredients that Cruze had shopped for and finally blueberry pie and ice cream from the store. CJ was pouring coffee at the table when the front door opened and a cold breeze blew in followed by two agents and Stanley Keyworth.
Stanley walked in and the agents closed the door with a slam. He dropped his bag on the floor and shrugged out of his coat. Lewis crossed the room, stepped up and took the coat from him. “Dr. Keyworth, glad you made it. Your coat will be in here,” Lewis said as he walked over to the coat closet in the corner to left of the entry.
“Come over, Stanley. There is food if you are hungry,” Abbey waved him over to the table. He stepped down into the living room and crossed to the table, looking around at the space and décor. “Wow. Nice place Leo’s got here,” he said as he reached the table. CJ. Dr. Bartlet. How are you both?”
Abbey took his hand and pulled out a chair for him. CJ went to the stove and served up a bowl of stew. The rest of the food was on the table. She put the bowl before him and sat next to him.
“How was your flight?”
“Long, but comfortable. Thank you CJ.” Stanley spooned up some of the stew and took a bite. He grabbed a biscuit from the basket on the table and bit half of it off at once. Mmmmm. This is good. I am starving.” He looked around the table and then the room. Uh, where is Leo?”
“He wouldn’t come out of his room. He was reading, most of the afternoon in fact, so Lewis took him a tray with food. He has not been, uhm, very sociable. We will need to talk before you see him.”
“I assume he is not happy I am here. The President didn’t have much information to give me.”
“Leo and I had a…talk…this afternoon. I am very worried, Stanley. This is far outside my experience.”
“What can you tell me?”
“Finish eating. We will talk later.

 

After the dinner dishes were washed and put away, CJ headed up to her room to read in bed. Lewis went out to the cottage to do paperwork, while agent Chen stood by the front door. Two of Abbey’s agents roamed the house and she could see three agents out in the back yard from where she sat, sharing a sofa with Stanley. The each held a mug of hot tea and settled deep in the sofas to talk.
“So, you said you talked to him today.”
“Twice actually.” Abbey took a deep sip of tea. I have to tell you, Stanley, I am worried. This is all outside my sphere, but I know enough to realize that Leo has some problems that are getting the best of him.”
“Tell me all that you talked about.”
“Well, he told me he is having dreams. That they have become relentless and all consuming. He said they are even invading his waking moments.”
“What are the dreams about? Vietnam?”
“No. They are about CJ.”
“CJ? What is he dreaming about CJ?”
“Well,” she dipped her head, “he said the dreams are very explicit and, uhm, erotic. He said they are so real and vivid that he has, uhm, well he didn’t actually say it in so many words, but he has experienced…release... from the dreams. And then he said they, not always, morph into flashbacks. He said those have become much more frequent and they too, are so vivid he can actually smell the blood and jet fuel, and other things. He is not sleeping. Lewis confirmed that. He is not eating; I got a good look at him earlier and I don’t know how I missed how thin he has gotten. Can all this really be related to his PTSD?”
“Yes, it could. Leo’s experiences from Vietnam have never really been resolved. His mechanism, alcohol, drugs, denial, now work; they have not really resolved anything. They have been coping mechanisms, but the root cause is still there, still an issue. Unresolved, untreated PTSD can result in hallucinations, anxiety or panic attacks, feelings of shame, avoidance, dissociation, hypervigilance, anger, fear, and thoughts of suicide, even actions.”
“No, Leo wouldn’t…”
Stanley cut her off. “Dr. Bartlet, please, you have to be willing to accept that it is a possibility. We need to help him, take care of him, and be aware that it is a possibility.”
“Yes. Okay. From some of the thing I have heard, that are now beginning to make a little sense, I believe he is having a number of those symptoms. You are aware that he attacked one of the agents?”
“Yes, I heard. How is the agent?”
“Fine, I was told. A broken ankle, but nothing serious and the agent said Leo apologized and he is not going to pursue anything.”
“Good. Leo doesn’t need that too, on his conscience. Okay. I am going to get some sleep. I will sit with Leo, starting first thing after breakfast. I am not sure we are going to solve all Leo’s problems in the next week, or cure him, but I hope we can get a handle on what is going on.” Stanley stood and held out a hand to Abbey.
“You go ahead, I am just going to sit here a bit longer,” Abbey said as she curled her legs up under her. Good night, Stanley. I am glad you are here.”
“Goodnight ma’am,” Stanley nodded his head.
“It’s Abbey, while we are here.”
“Abbey…”

 

Lewis opened Leo’s bedroom door softly and stepped into the room. It was 6:30 in the morning and he needed to sweep the room and check on Leo. When he had done his last sweep, before he turned the shift over to Kal Snyder and went to bed, Leo had been snoozing in a chair by the fireplace with a book in his lap. The dinner tray Lewis had brought him, but for the coffee, had not been touched.
The sun was not yet up enough to light the bedroom but a soft, low light from the corner of the room lit it enough for Lewis to make out Leo’s recumbent form on the bed. He was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, curled up on top of the comforter, hugging a pillow. Leo stirred as Lewis watched him, then he settled back into the bed.
Lewis opened the door soundlessly, picked up the tray of uneaten food and left Leo to sleep a while longer. He took the tray into the kitchen and tossed the congealed stew, the hard biscuits and the salad in the garbage. He put the dirty dishes in the sink as the coffee pot gurgled then wheezed. He poured a mug of coffee and sat at the island. The room lightened as the sun came up and Cruze and Abbey’s agent Paul entered through the front door.
“Coffee’s ready,” Lewis nodded at the pot. They each poured a cup and joined him at the island.
Paul took a long draught of coffee and moaned. “So, what is on the agenda today, Frank?”
“When everyone is up, we’ll have breakfast, then Stanley will spend the day with Mr. McGarry. The den is perfect. It is private and securable. Beyond that, we need another grocery run. We have fifteen agents here total, plus Mr. McGarry, the First Lady, Ms. Cregg and Dr. Keyworth. Paul, we need to set up a rotating schedule for everyone. There is a free bedroom upstairs and a sleeper sofa in the basement in the TV room. That’s five beds and two sleeper sofa’s and with rotating shifts we should be okay.”
“Sounds good. What will the First Lady and Ms. Cregg be doing while Dr. Keyworth is with Mr. McGarry?”
“I do not know. Reading, TV, there is an exercise room in the basement, a pool table…whatever they want.”
“Except leaving the premises.”
“That’s a given…for the First Lady anyway.”
“Well, let’s hope. When she gets a bug up her…anyway…I am hoping for peace and quiet.”
“Amen to that Paul.”

Leo rolled over on to his back and groaned when he felt the catch in his back. He had slept in a weird position all night and now his back was aching. ‘Damn. I am getting old.’ He stretched his legs out, then bent his knees and wiggled his hips. He rolled to one side, then the other, then rolled to the edge of the king bed and sat up. A wave of dizziness swept over him and then the colored lights appeared. They pulsed around the edges of his vision, then swept left and right, filling his sight with pulsating colored orbs. The drone in his ears pulsed with the lights and the nausea cramped his gut. He gripped the comforter in both hands and hunched forward against the queasiness, then as suddenly as it came, the lights and sound retreated and he heard the voices out in the kitchen.
‘Shit. Christ, what the hell is going on?’ Leo worried as he carefully stood and went to the bathroom. He stripped and left his clothes in a pile on the floor. He peed, then stepped into the shower and turned on the water to all the shower heads and jets. He stood under the onslaught of the hot water until he couldn’t see for the steam, then switched it to cold. He yelped as the cold water washed over him, but it cleared his head and for that he was grateful.
He pulled on a pair of black Levi’s and a worn shaker knit sweater, took a deep breath and entered the living space. He casually walked over to the kitchen island and inhaled the scent of brewing coffee. Lewis saw him walk in and went to the coffee maker and grabbed a big mug.
“Coffee, sir,” he asked?
“Yeah,” Leo muttered as he sat on one of the tall stools. “I’d kill for one, followed by a couple more. He took the mug from Lewis and stuck his face in it and inhaled. “Oh, God…” he groaned and drank half the cup down in one gulp. Lewis laughed and reached for the cup. Leo handed it to him and he topped it off and handed it back.
Leo took another drink and set the cup down. He twisted on the stool and looked around the room. He and Lewis were the only ones there except for the agent at the front entry and another just outside by the pool.
“Uh, Lewis, did uh…did Stanley arrive last night?”
“Yes, sir. He did. I expect he and the ladies will be down shortly. The agent up in the hall said he heard one of the showers running. Are you hungry? You need to eat. You didn’t eat dinner.”
Leo snorted and picked up his cup. He waved it at Lewis. “I’ll make you a deal. Let me cook breakfast and I will eat something.”
“Well, sir, I will take you up on it. You do make some mean scrambled eggs and fried potatoes. I think we have just enough food left to feed everyone. Then we need to send Cruze shopping.”
Leo hopped down off the stool and walked around to the refrigerator and pulled open the bottom freezer. He pulled out a gallon-sized Ziploc bag with frozen potatoes and onions. “Lewis, go down to the deep freeze in the storage pantry. I think I have at least two more bags of potatoes and onions.” As Lewis left, Leo opened the fridge doors and pulled out three full egg cartons and a forth with a half dozen left in it. He rooted around in the vegetable drawers and pulled out a paper bag of mushrooms, six tomatoes and a large store bought bag of spinach. He threw them on the island and pushed up the sleeves of his sweater.
Lewis came up with the two bags of potatoes and onions. Leo pulled out three large baking sheets from a drawer under the island. “Lewis, oil these pans and then dump a bag of potatoes each on them.” Leo went to the stainless Viking six burner range and turned the two lower ovens to 425° F. The Baking sheets were full of potatoes and onions and waiting on the counter next to the range.
Leo pulled down a large stainless bowl and placed it on the island next to the large cutting board that resided there. Leo opened a drawer and took out his favorite Seisuke Blue Steel Japanese chef knife. Leo loved to cook and he enjoyed the process of creating a meal. He had cooked for his detail the two previous times they had visited Maine and they had groaned their approval at his efforts.
Leo quickly chopped the tomatoes and mushrooms, letting his hands do the work and take his mind off his problems, if just for a short time. He opened the bag of spinach into a colander and rinsed it with cold water.
Lastly he set about cracking three and a half dozen eggs into the stainless bowl. He then seasoned the eggs with pepper and crushed rosemary. He went back to the fridge and poked around until he came up with a block of feta cheese in brine. Not much, but it would do.
He poured another cup of coffee and sat back at the island and waited for the others to come downstairs. He knew Lewis would send the agents a few at a time to eat while Leo and his guests would eat at the table. He hoped there would be enough food.
Lewis held his hand to his ear as chatter came over hi comm. “The First Lady and CJ are on their way down.”
With a grunt Leo stood and walked over to the range. He opened the left oven door and placed two of the pans of potatoes and onions inside. He then opened the right hand oven and put the remaining pan in and then set the timer for 30 minutes. When he turned around he came face to face with Abbey. She stepped close and hugged him then kissed his cheek. “Good morning, Leo. How are you?”
Leo blushed and cleared his throat. “I’m okay Abbey. I am…cooking breakfast…” he waved at the oven with his hand.
“Oh, lovely. I love when you cook. What else are we having” Abbey asked as she moved to the other side of the counter? Leo looked over and saw CJ standing next to the island. He ducked his head and took a deep breath, then he looked her right in the eyes. “Uh…hi…uhm…good morning, CJ.”
CJ smiled and let out the breath she was holding. “Morning, Leo.”
He smiled back and then looked at Abbey. “So, for breakfast, we are having scrambled eggs with tomato, mushroom and spinach plus feta cheese. Also potatoes and onions, being roasted in the oven. We have bread for toast. No juice. Sorry.”
“Not a problem. The rest sounds lovely, Leo.” Abbey sat on the other side of island and motioned CJ to have a seat too. Leo grabbed two mugs and slid them across the island along with the coffee carafe. He grabbed the sugar bowl and a carton of cream from the fridge. CJ and Abbey both sighed as they drank their first cup of the day.
Leo leaned back against the kitchen counter and sipped from his cup. A minute later Stanley came down the steps and entered the kitchen. Leo watched him with wary eyes. “Leo. Morning.”
“Stanley.”
Lewis poured coffee for Stanley who took it and sat at the island next to Abbey. Leo abruptly turned and grabbed an oven mitt. He bent down and fussed with the pans, turning them around and shaking them. He checked the timer and decided it was time to start the eggs. He bent down and grabbed two really large cast iron skillets from under the island. He turned his back and placed them on the range top. He took butter from the fridge and cut a stick in half, dropping half in each skillet.
“Hey, Lewis. Make more coffee,” Leo ordered as he slid half of the vegetables into one pan and the other half in the second skillet. He stirred them around, and checked on the potatoes in the ovens. “Someone needs to start making toast, and lots of it. Abbey nudged CJ. CJ nudged her back, then Abbey shoved her off the stool. “CJ will help you, Leo.”
Leo stared at CJ for a long moment then handed her two loaves of sourdough bread and pointed to the toaster on the counter. As she removed the paper wrapper from the bread, Leo brought her a butter knife, a large chunk of butter and a platter. She took it all wordlessly and turned her back. When Leo went back to the range, CJ turned and glared at Abbey, who just smiled back at her.
Leo poured milk into the eggs and beat them with a whisk then poured them into the pans. He kept his back turned as he stirred the eggs and sipped his coffee. Fifteen minutes later the eggs were turned out into a bowl and put on the island along with the toast and potatoes. Leo put jam, catsup and hot sauce on the island along with a stack of paper plates and cutlery.
“Okay. Eat up. Lewis, let the guys know.”
Stanley, Abbey and CJ served themselves and went to sit at the dining table. Three agents came in and made plates and left. Leo poured another cup of coffee and sat at the opposite end of the table from everyone else. Lewis walked over and put a fork and a plate before Leo with eggs and potatoes slathered in hot sauce and three slices of toast.
“Eat. Don’t argue. You have not eaten in at least twenty-four hours.”
“Lewis,’ Leo growled. I will eat when…”
“You will eat now, sir. Please…” Lewis finished softly.
Leo picked up the fork and scooped up a mouthful of eggs and chewed while glaring at Lewis. Lewis nodded and went back to the island and fixed his own plate and sat next to Leo. Agents came and went in two’s and three’s until all were fed and the food was gone.
Abbey and CJ started to clear the table and Stanley stood and walked to Leo. Leo looked up at him and sighed. He dropped his head and gripped his coffee cup. “Now?”
“Now would be a good time, Leo,” Stanley said softly. We can do this in your den, if that’s okay.”
Leo sighed again. “Yeah. Okay. I’m gonna get another cup of coffee first.”

 

Leo strode into his den ahead of Stanley and sat in the chair behind his desk. Stanley followed him into the room and stood in front of the desk with one hand on his hip. The other hand held a yellow legal pad. Stanley looked around the room, taking in the floor to ceiling bookshelves, the rich oak paneling, the fireplace in the corner. On the wall opposite Leo’s massive desk, sat a small round table with two leather arm chairs.
Stanley gestured at the table. “Let’s sit here, Leo.”
Leo smirked at him and stayed seated. “I’m fine here.”
Stanley didn’t bat an eyelash. He stood firm and watched Leo who began to fidget after a few minutes. “What the heck, Stanley. It doesn’t matter…”
“You are hiding behind the desk, Leo. It is a shield. Makes you feel safe. You won’t talk to me from behind the desk. Move over here please.”
Leo glared at him for a few more minutes then jumped to his feet and moved around the desk. He picked up his coffee and moved around Stanley and sat at the table. Stanley sat and placed his legal pad on the table. They just sat and stared at each other…and stared…
“Forget it, Stanley. I am not gonna talk first.”
Stanley smiled.
‘Shit. I talked first.’
Leo picked up his mug but it was empty. He started to stand. “I’m gonna get another…”
“Sit, Leo,” Stanley commanded.
Leo dropped back down into the chair. ‘God dammit.’ He settled back and crossed his ankle over his knee. He rested his elbows on the chair arms, pressed his fingertips together and rested his chin on them. And they stared.
Fifteen minutes later Leo could stand the quiet and the tension no longer. “What the hell do you want?”
“Talk to me, Leo. I am here to listen.”
“Well, I have nothing to say. I don’t have mommy issues, I am not jealous of my father and I have not had a drink. Go to hell, Stanley.”
“Fine. Then we will sit here.” Stanley shifted in the chair and crossed his legs. He picked up his pen and doodled on the legal pad.
Leo sat up straight in the chair, both feet on the floor. He crossed his arms and stared over Stanley’s shoulder reading the titles of the books on the bookshelf to Stanley’s right. ‘The last Lion 1932–1940. Hm. I forgot about that one.’ He made a mental note to take it to his room when Stanley finally gave up and let him go.
They sat in silence for over thirty minutes. Leo shifting in his seat every few minutes, Stanley’s paper filled with mindless geometric doodles. Abruptly he tore off the paper and scrunched it into a ball and dropped it on the table. He sat up straight and looked at Leo.
“They told me you are not sleeping,” he said in a soft voice.
Leo’s face broke into a half-smirk as he continued to gaze over Stanley’s shoulder watching the trees at the edge of the lawn sway in the wind. ‘Hah. I win.’
“You didn’t win, Leo. I have just been waiting until I felt your guard go down.”
“Well, it’s not down now dammit. What the hell…” he yelled.
“LEO,” Stanley yelled louder, then he sat back. “You are not sleeping. Why?”
“Because I have had fucking insomnia since my father blew his brains out in the garage,” Leo growled and ran his hands through his hair.
“Why are you not sleeping now, Leo. I have been told you are having more than the usual problem sleeping.”
“People need to shut up and mind their own fucking business.”
“You are the White House Chief of Staff. You are everyone’s business.”
Leo leapt to his feet and leaned over the table on his hands, his face a foot from Stanley’s. “Don’t you think I fucking know that,” he yelled. Don’t you think I know…” his head dropped down as he fought the urge to cry. ‘No, no, no. Don’t cry. Not in front of the…no…’
Leo fell back into the chair, scrubbing his hand over his face, try to hide the tears that filled his eyes. ‘What the fuck…’
“Leo. Why can’t you sleep?”
Leo didn’t answer, so Stanley asked the next question. “Tell me about the dreams.”
Leo’s head shot up and a look of anguish passed over his face. “NO.” ‘no, no, no, no…’ He sat back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling. Stanley looked at his hands, gripped together so tight his knuckles were bone white and they trembled.
“Leo. The dreams.”
He met Stanley’s eyes. He saw nothing in them, but he knew when he told Stanley about the dreams, he would see disgust. He knew. He was disgusted, so would anyone else be. He couldn’t…describe them. Just like he couldn’t describe the flashbacks…how could anyone begin to understand…how could he explain the smells and the sounds; the acrid tang of cordite from the guns, the hot metal stench, the sweetness of blood or the choking odor of jet fuel. How could explain the cries of wounded, the sound of his guns, the way it drove staccato into his soul…How could he describe the dreams of CJ…so erotic…so dirty…so overpowering, yet the shamefully intense, release they fueled left him shaking and shuddering.
“I…can’t…”
“You have to. You know you need to. Leo, I am not here to judge you…I can help you make sense, cope. You can’t keep bottling up your emotions and fears. No one can.”
“I can,” Leo growled.
“No. You can’t. You will fail. You will fail spectacularly and you will lose your mind or worse, your life, Leo. No one can take on the burden of the things you carry around daily and not need help. No one thinks less of you. Did you think less of Josh?”
“He almost died. It’s not the same.”
“It is. You almost died thirty years ago Leo. From what I understand, you both should have died. You didn’t. You came home. Tens of thousands didn’t. Some died saving you. You carry that guilt. When you couldn’t cope with the memories and the pain, you drank and took pills. When your marriage was falling apart, you drove yourself even harder with work. You still drive yourself to the brink, every day, hoping you will be exhausted enough to sleep, because you can’t rely on the booze and the pills like you used too. Leo, a lesser man would have imploded years ago…let me help you.”
When Leo looked up at him, the haunted look in his eyes drove an ice pick into his gut. Stanley fought not to react to the utter despair staring out at him from the depth of Leo’s soul. “Leo. Let me help.”
“How? How can you help? Can you make me forget? Can you make the dreams stop? Can you take away the gnawing craving for a drink or a pill? Can you change the past? I don’t think there is anything that can help me, Stanley. I would settle for a dreamless night’s sleep and a few days of complete and utter quiet.”
Stanley didn’t say anything, he waited. He knew Leo had to open up, needed to open up. He needed to look the dreams and fears and memories and ghosts in the eye and once and for all accept them. He waited.
Leo shifted in the chair and sat back. He didn’t look at Stanley, he just gazed over his left shoulder. It was late morning; he could tell by the way the sun had moved up in the sky. He breathed.
“I don’t know for sure when they began…six, seven months ago…Usually my nights are filled with images from the past; I don’t see faces, just bodies…moving bodies, dead bodies, blurry, dark…I hear the sounds of war; gunfire, jet engines screaming, the thud of the planes guns…but they are not new. They are old friends. I have been having them since ‘Nam…when I am really stressed or tired, they morph into flashbacks…then things get really ugly.”
Leo rotated his head around on his neck, then rubbed his face with both hands. He looked at Stanley. “Look, I uh, need…I have cigarettes in my desk. I need one.” Stanley nodded. Leo pushed himself out of the chair and walked behind the desk. He opened the center drawer and took out a heavy cut glass ashtray, an old silver Zippo and a pack of Marlboro Lights. He sat back down and pushed the ashtray to the middle of the table. He opened the pack and pulled out a cigarette and licked his lips before placing it in his mouth. He opened the lighter and flicked the wheel, inhaling the smell of lighter fluid and dragging hard on the cigarette.
He blew out the smoke and took another long, hard drag on the cigarette, then settled back in the chair. His hand trembled a bit as he tapped the ash over the ashtray. “So, six or seven months ago I had the first ‘dream’…Honest to God, I don’t know where it came from. It was so powerful and real, it left me shattered…I, uh…shit…I had a…reaction to the dream. It was so intense, so completely…I woke up. I didn’t realize I was alone in my bed at first…I…” Leo took a deep breath and another drag on the cigarette.
“Describe the dream.”
“Jesus…I…no…it’s…no…I can’t.”
“You can, Leo. Tell me. Voice it. Get it out of your head and look at it…”
“God. How…”
“Leo, I will never, would never judge you or anyone on the strength of dreams. Dreams are often a way for the mind to look at, deal with a trauma or a problem. You can tell me anything and I would never think less of you.”
“Okay. Okay. Yeah…” He took a deep hit of the cigarette and smashed it out in the ashtray. “I went to bed that night…I was so tired…I didn’t even undress. I just pulled off my tie and jacket, slipped off my shoes and laid on the bed. It must have been three a.m. I had been in the sit room until two. I was exhausted. I guess I fell asleep. God, I remember every detail…”
He lit another cigarette and slid down I the chair just enough to rest his head back and look up at the ceiling. “I was in my office, it was late. It was dark, just the light on my desk was on. I was trying to read another endless briefing book when I heard my door open, then close. Whoever it was, was in the dark. The desk lamp was shining in my eyes. I asked who was there but they didn’t answer and I could hear them move into the room. At first, all I saw was feet in pumps and then legs. A woman’s legs.” He hit the cigarette again, relishing the sharp smoke in his lungs.
“Then I saw it was CJ. She asked me why I was still here so late. I told her I had a lot to read.” Leo closed his eyes as he remembered…
______________________________________________________________________________________

“Leo. You look so tired,” CJ said as she moved behind his desk and then his chair. She touched his shoulders, grasped them, pulled him back in the chair. She began to massage his shoulders, her fingers digging deep into the tired, stiff muscles. Leo let his head fall forward and he moaned. She dug her thumbs into the top of his shoulders, working the knotted muscles.
She stopped for a moment and pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders, helped his remove it. He put it on the desk. She went back to his shoulders, this time, hands dipping down the front of his chest and back up, over and over.
Next, she took off his tie, then reached around and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. He stopped her, taking her hand in his. “CJ?” She pulled her hand away. Unbuttoned several more buttons. “Shh. It’s okay.” She continued to massage his shoulders, reaching around, over his shoulders to dip her hands down the front of his chest, brushing his nipples, seemingly by accident, yet each time he suppressed a moan.
Leo’s head swam, he tried to stand, but she pulled him back. She reached down and pulled his shirt from his pants, quickly undoing the rest of the buttons. She moved to the side of his chair, turned it so he was facing her. She carefully pushed the suspenders off his shoulders. She took his hand and removed the cufflink from his shirt, letting the cuff dangle open and placed it on the desk. She took his other hand and did the same. She pulled on a sleeve and removed his arm, then removed the other. She dropped the shirt on top of his jacket on the desk. She then pulled at his undershirt. Leo glanced up at her, sharply. “CJ?”
She touched his lips with her warm fingers, “Shh. Don’t talk.” Then she pulled the shirt over his head. She moved his chair back to the desk. She lifted each arm onto the desk, then gently pushed him forward until his head rested on his arms. Hunched forward now, back exposed, CJ moved closely to his side and began to rub her warm hands up his back, thumbs on his spine, to his neck, then swept her hands to the side and rubbed down his sides, her fingertips around his sides on his chest, with each pass brushing his now erect nipples.
He groaned. He couldn’t stop. He jumped when her hands dipped down his back to reach below his waist, inside his pants, quickly caressing, then back up again. After what seemed like an eternity, she stopped. Leo suddenly felt cold from the loss of contact. He shivered. She straightened and waited. He sat up and pushed the chair back. She gracefully squatted before him and reached down. She removed one shoe, then the other. Leo was powerless at this point to do anything but surrender to her ministrations.
She stood. She reached out, took his hands and pulled him to his feet. Without the suspenders, his pants slid down his legs to the floor. Standing there in nothing but his pale blue cotton Derek Rose boxers, his erection was too obvious. He drew in a sharp breath when CJ squatted down, but she just lifted his feet and retrieved his pants from the floor. She stood and stepped close, until she was barely inches from his body, from his straining desire.
CJ placed her hands flat against Leo’s stomach and then ran then up over his chest, stopping to lightly caress his nipples, once, twice. She caressed his shoulders, then, her hands went up and she grasped his head in both hands and leaned down. She brushed her lips over his. Swept her lips across his cheek to his ear, sucked in his earlobe and gently bit. Leo’s knees were weak and his cock throbbed as she worked her mouth down his neck, up under his jaw, nipping, teasing…then back to his lips.
Unable to do more than breath, Leo opened his mouth to her and her tongue swept in and wrapped around his. Lights burst behind his eyes and he moved suddenly, reaching up to grasp CJ’s shoulders as he wakened his tongue and took possession of her mouth. Leo’s hands slipped down her arms, wrapped around her waist and he pulled her, hard, into his straining erection. They both moaned when he cupped her ass and ground his pelvis into hers.
“Undress me Leo. Expose me.” Leo swallowed hard and stepped back just far enough to reach his hands up under her open jacket. He caressed her back through the silk camisole, then pulled the jacket down her back and let it drop onto the floor. With trembling hands, he fumbled with the button of her skirt, then, finally it was loose and he slipped the zipper down and reached inside to cup her ass, squeezing. She wiggled a bit and the skirt fell to the floor. Leo ran his hands from her buttocks, up her sides, taking the camisole with his hands and sweeping it over her head. It too joined the other clothing on the floor.
Leo almost swooned when right before his eyes CJ’s breasts appeared in a tiny teal bra, more lace than fabric. Her nipples pushed through the fabric and he could do nothing but grasp one with his teeth. It grew harder as he nibbled and then sucked. His hands of their own mind, reached behind and released the clasp of her bra. He gently fingered the straps and pushed them down her arms. When the bra fell between them Leo could barely breath. He wrapped his arms around CJ and buried his face between her breasts and struggled for breath.
CJ moved back, causing Leo to drop his arms and look at her, confused for a moment. She slipped off her shoes and her mouth was suddenly closer and he dove in, his tongue searching every nook and cranny, touching, tasting. He held her head as he deepened the blistering kiss.
Breathing hard, they separated, stepping inches back, staring, eyes locked. Left in nothing but a scrap of lace gracing her hips, CJ slipped her finger inside the waistband of Leo’s boxers and led him to the sofa. She turned him and pushed him down onto the cushions. She sat on the coffee table before him, pulling it closer.
CJ placed her hands on his knees, causing Leo to jump and inhale sharply. She gazed into his eyes, licked her lips, ran her hands slowly up his thighs, the wiry hair tickling her palms. She slipped her hands up the sides of his thighs and slid her hands under his boxers. He lifted his hips and she filled her hands with his cheeks, kneading while he thrust his pelvis toward her. His head fell back on the couch and he closed his eyes. CJ pulled her hands out and grasped the legs of his boxers and tugged. Leo’s head flew up and he lifted his hips again as he watched her slide them carefully over his rigid penis and down his legs and over his feet.
CJ pushed his thighs apart and ran her hands over his abdomen, then down around his cock and gently palmed his balls. She touched him, stroked him, ran her fingernails down him, reaching under and scratching from his perineum and down his balls then gently squeezed. Leo’s cock jerked in response and CJ took his shaft in hand, pumping his cock with one hand and rolling his balls in her hands with the other. Leo gripped the cushions with both hands, clenching the fabric until the veins stood out on his forearms. His head fell back against the cushion; he squeezed his eyes shut and moaned, his hips lifting into the strokes of CJ’s hand. He moaned, his lips mouthing a mantra; ‘hang on, hang on, not yet, not yet…’
She stopped, Leo’s head jerked up and he watched as she bent forward and lowered her mouth to the head of his cock. “Oh…dear…God…” Leo whispered when he felt her wet, warm mouth engulf him. He didn’t dare move as he felt her tongue slowly lick under the head of his cock. She licked all around the head, then down his shaft, then slowly nibbled her way up the vein underneath, repeating the motions over and over, her other hand massaging his balls. Leo lost the ability to move, to talk, to see; he could barely breath as all sensation, his entire being, was concentrated in his cock. He felt a long unfamiliar warmth and twist in his gut as CJ took more of him into her mouth, riding up and down him until he started to buck his hips up to meet her mouth.
He felt his balls tighten and CJ pulled away and pressed her thumb hard to the smooth flesh behind his balls. He gasped for breath as he felt the sensation lessen and diminish. She stood and slowly lowered her lace panties down her legs and kicked them to the side. She climbed onto Leo’s lap. Straddling him, she moved in as close as she could, trapping his still throbbing penis between their stomachs. Her breasts were in his face and he grabbed hold with both hands, massaging the flesh, running his thumbs over her hard, rosy nipples.
He leaned forward and took her right nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the hard nub over and over, then twirling around the nipple and back. He sucked her breast into his mouth as far as he could and was rewarded with her strangled gasp. He switched breasts and gave this one his undivided attention. CJ’s hands grabbed handfuls of his hair and held his mouth to her breast as she rubbed her sex against the base of Leo’s cock.
He let go of the breast he was massaging, while still sucking on the other, and reached down between them and touched her. He moaned when he felt her, wet and ready. She moaned when he slipped two fingers inside and his thumb lightly circled her clit. CJ leaned back giving Leo better access. He thrust his fingers in and out while his thumb swept circles over her arousal.
“Oh, God, Leo. Leo, harder, oh.” He complied until the desire to take her overpowered him. He squirmed from under her and threw her onto her back on the sofa. He spread her thighs, lifted her hips with his hands and thrust into her in one motion.
“Oh, God! Leo, Leo.”
Leo caught her legs under her knees and lifted her higher, pounding deeper into her with each frenzied thrust until he felt the world explode around him. He thrust into her wildly, his vision shattered with splinters of light. He shuddered as he emptied into CJ, his hips still twitching, thrusting…

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Leo finished talking and met Stanley’s eyes. He shifted in his chair when he realized he was aroused and his cheeks flushed red. Stanley’s eyes never looked lower than Leo’s eyes as he crossed his legs to hide his embarrassment.
“Okay. Leo, what do you think that dream meant.”
Leo felt a wave of anger. “How the hell am I…you are the goddamn shrink here…you tell me why I would…God…I would not…ever…shit.” He reached out and picked up the cigarette pack. He shook out another cigarette and lit it with trembling hands. He inhaled sharply and blew the smoke out at Stanley.
Stanley didn’t move. “Are the dreams all the same?”
Leo inhaled. Blew out again. “No. They have gotten…worse…”
“Worse how?”
‘God, I don’t want to do this.’ “Worse…dirtier…uh, sexier…we do things I am not even sure I knew about…it’s…disturbing.”
“Do you always have a…release…from the dreams?”
Leo growled and blushed. “Yes,” he grated the word out.
Stanley was quiet for a while, letting Leo smoke and get back some of his composure. When he mashed the butt in the ashtray Stanley cleared his throat. “Okay, let’s talk about the flashbacks. You said sometimes the dreams morph into flashbacks. How does that happen?”
“Just…sometimes, in the middle of one of the dreams, things suddenly change…the place changes…I might suddenly find myself in the jungle again, Kenny dragging me through the brush and then the whole thing become full blown flashback.”
“Okay, just talk to me. Tell me how feel when you wake up…”
“How the hell to you think I feel? God, how would you…” Leo stopped and looked at Stanley. He just gazed back at Leo, calmly waiting.
“Yeah...okay…well,” Leo began. They talked for another hour while Leo chain smoked and Stanley made sparse notes on his legal pad. They were interrupted by a knock at the door around noon.
Lewis stepped into the room and apologized. “Sorry, but we are putting out some lunch. Why don’t you take a break and eat?” He looked at Stanley who nodded his head. Leo jumped up from the table, brushed past Lewis and went straight to his room.
While everyone sat at the dining table dishing up bowls of soup and corn muffins, Leo stalked out of his room with his North Face jacket on. He walked up to Lewis. “Get me Cruze. I want to go down to the beach.”
Lewis looked over at Stanley, who looked at Leo. “I just need a break…I need air,” he muttered as he gazed down at his feet. Stanley looked back to Lewis, who shrugged and Stanley nodded. “Okay. We can pick up our talk later. Maybe you should eat first.”
Leo glared at him. “Maybe you should all stop tryin’ to be my mother.” He walked over to the back sliding door and wrestled it open. “I’ll wait at the stairs.” He slammed it and head for the back corner of the yard.
Lewis spoke into his comm. “Cruze. Mr. McGarry wants to hit the beach. He’s waiting at the steps.” Everyone at the table went back to eating, quietly, each absorbed in their own thoughts.

A short time later, CJ and Stanley were sitting together at the table nursing cups of coffee. “So, Stanley, how is Leo doing?”
“Well, I can’t really tell you…”
“No,” she interrupted. I know you can’t tell me what he said, but, I was just wondering how he is doing. Is he going to be okay? I mean, Abbey told me some things he said to her, and…”
“Why don’t you go find Lewis and see if he can get someone to take you down to Leo. Talk to him. Don’t push. Just tell him what you think, feel. Be a friend.”
“I can do that. Thank, Stanley, I will.”

Tommy Chen held CJ’s hand as he preceded her down the seemingly rickety steps until they reached the ground. CJ blew out a breath. “Wow. That was scary.” Chen helped her navigate the rocky beach down to the water and pointed to where Leo sat hunched on his favorite rock. She could see Cruze down the beach beyond Leo. She walked easier down the beach on a section where the spread of smaller rocks was easier to navigate.
She watched Leo as she approached him. He was sitting on the rock with his knees against his chest, staring out over the water. He didn’t seem to hear her as she got near. She was afraid to step out onto the rock with him, so just cleared her throat and spoke. “Leo.” He dropped his head to his knees and sighed.
“What do you want CJ?”
“I thought we could talk.”
“About what, CJ?”
“I don’t know…just things. How are you feeling?”
“Just ducky, CJ. I’ve got Stanley analyzing my dreams…wondering if I am some kind of sick perv…Forget it. Go back to the house, CJ.”
“We really need to talk, Leo. Abbey…she told me…”
Leo whipped his body around and his head swam for a minute. “He closed his eyes and clenched his fist. “She told you what?”
“That…she was just worried and was…she said you had feelings…”
“For whom? You? What the hell CJ…”
“She said you were having dreams…”
Leo moved to the end of the rock and staggered to his feet. He stumbled over the rocks and stopped inches in front of her. “It’s none of yer damn business CJ. None of it. God dammit…go back to DC. Go do yer damn job and leave me the hell alone…”
“Fuck you, Leo. If I am a part of…what is wrong…I just want to help. If something is…bothering, you…if you are feeling…”
“Felling what, CJ. Are you interested? Huh? Want to know about the dirty, filthy things I…” He turned from her abruptly and stepped away. ‘This is bad. Having her so close, so soon after reliving…God, why can’t she just leave me alone…this can never happen…it can’t…no…just leave me…’
“Leo, please…we can talk…that could help you…”
He turned to her, willing himself not to go to her. “Go away. I do not want you here. Leave. Get lost. Do you get any of those? Huh? Get away from me.” Leo turned and walked away from her. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shut her out.
CJ stood watching him as tears fell down her cheeks. It was early November and the temperature was in the fifties, yet CJ felt a much colder shudder flow through her. She waited for a moment as he picked his way over the rocks and passed Cruze. She turned and made her way back to the stairs where agent Chen was waiting.

CJ had barely made it into the house and up to her room before she broke down completely. She felt so helpless and confused. If Leo was having problems, was having feelings for her, why couldn’t he let her in. She had never thought about him that way, aside from a consuming crush when she had first joined the campaign.
Leo was a handsome man, a sexy man, in that 1950’s movie star kind of way, with the expensive suits and the air of strength and mystery. She had a terrible crush on him, but soon, the rigors of the campaign and the hard work, pushed that all aside, and by the inauguration, they were friends and colleagues, nothing more. Or so she thought.

Shouted voices brought CJ out of her troubled nap. She slipped off of the bed and opened the bedroom door. The voices were louder. She hurried down the hall and almost ran down the stairs to the ground floor. She ran into the living area and found Stanley and Abbey standing by the open back sliding doors. Lewis was almost shouting into his wrist comm and CJ could see a knot of agents rushing to the back door from across the lawn, carrying something between them.
As they burst through the doors CJ could see the thing they carried was a soaked to the bone, unconscious Leo. They carried him by the arms and legs, his headed hanging back, his mouth open. Abbey grabbed his head as they moved to the sofas and laid him back on the cushions. Abbey thrust her fingers at his throat, feeling the rapid and thread pulse. She lifted his eyelids, but his eyed rolled back. His breath was coming in ragged heaves as she tore open his shirt and rubbed his chest.
CJ rushed over and sat at his feet and placed her hands on his cold leg, fighting back tears, praying this wasn’t her fault.
Leo’s body was ice cold and suddenly intense shivers rolled over his body as his muscles contracted and released in waves. “Get these soaked clothes off of him,” Abbey commanded as she ran her fingers through his wet hair.
Stanley and Lewis quickly stripped his clothes off and wrapped him in the blanket that sat folded on the back of the sofa.
“What the hell happened,” Stanley demanded?
Lewis looked at Cruze and nodded.
Cruze stood by the sofa looking down at Leo, shivering himself in clothes as soaked as Leo’s. “Ms. Cregg came down to the beach earlier. They talked…fought…no, argued…he yelled at her and walked away. She went back to the house. Mr. McGarry stalked off down the beach. When I followed he turned on me and screamed that I was to leave him alone. He was just walking around, back and forth…he was…mumbling to himself…I stayed back. I didn’t want to get in his face and make him even more angry…upset.” Cruze shivered, hard, and rubbed his hands on his face.
“Suddenly he headed straight for the water. For a minute I just watched…I never thought…I didn’t think…he just threw himself into the water.”
CJ gasped. Abbey took her hand and kept rubbing Leo’s chest with the other.
“He struggled out over the rocks, then just went straight down. There is a steep drop off and the water is suddenly ten to twelve feet right there. I was trying to run, but the rocks…I just dove in and thank God…he was right under me. I pulled him out and started yelling for help.”
Abbey looked at Stanley with questions in her eyes. Stanley knew she was asking if this was a suicide attempt, or hopefully, a cry for help, or what. Stanley shook his head and looked up at Cruze.
“He didn’t say anything? Before he jumped in the water?”
“No sir. I mean, he had been mumbling to himself, like he was arguing with someone. At one point, he stopped moving completely, he stood there staring. Almost like he was in trance. He was kind of swaying back and forth. I started to walk to him, then he focused on me again and held up his hand. It was just minutes later he jumped in the water.”
Leo was still shivering on the sofa, his whole body trembling. Abbey rubbed his arms briskly through the blanket. “Leo. Wake up Leo. C’mon, honey, let me see those pretty eyes.” She lightly tapped his cheek with her hand. “Leo. Open your eyes.”
Leo groaned and tried to turn away from her. “Lea me ‘lone…go way,” he mumbled and tried to bury his head in the sofa.
“No way Leo.” She looked up at Lewis and noticed Cruze still standing there, shivering, as well. “Cruze, please, get out of those wet clothes and take a hot shower. Lewis, let’s get him into his bed. Is there a heating pad or hot water bottle in this place?”
“Tommy,” Lewis called to agent Chen, see if you can find something. Ricky, Kal, let’s haul him into the bedroom.” The three men carefully picked Leo up and carried him into his bedroom, lying him on the bed, still wrapped in the blanket. Lewis went and opened a drawer in the chest by the closet and returned with boxers and a t-shirt.
Abbey and Lewis unwrapped him and dressed him, then maneuvered him under the sheets and comforter on the bed. Leo didn’t speak or open his eyes. He lay on his side in the bed, limp, almost unresponsive. Abbey folded the blanket and placed it over Leo on top of the comforter. Stanley came into the room as the agents waked out. Abbey sat on the edge of the bed and gently ran her fingers through Leo’s hair.
“Is he going to be okay,” Stanley asked as he watched Leo? “Do you think he was in the water long enough to risk hypothermia?”
Abbey shook her head. “I don’t think so. He is cold, but he should warm up quickly if he stays bundled up. I would like to get a cup of hot tea in him, but I don’t think that is going to happen.”
Lewis came back in the room holding a hot water bottle wrapped in a towel. “I microwaved the water. This should help,” he said as he handed it to Abbey. She lifted the blanket and tucked the water bottle against his stomach under the t-shirt, then tucked the blankets in again.
CJ tapped on the door and came into the room. Abbey motioned her over and took her hand. “He is going to be okay, CJ. Would you like to sit with him? Be here when he wakes up?”
CJ nodded and Stanley dragged a chair from the corner of the room. He placed it so CJ could sit close to the bed and helped her to sit. Abbey and Stanley looked at each other over CJ’s head. Abbey tilted her head toward the door. Stanley squeezed CJ’s shoulder and then left.
“Just sit with him CJ. Be here when he wakes up. I will come check on you both in a while.” She leaned down and kissed CJ on the temple and then left the room, pulling the door closed behind her.

 

Abbey made more coffee and she and Stanley sat facing each across the coffee table in the front seating area by Leo’s bedroom door. They had their feet up on the table and both were scrunched down in the chairs, silently sipping coffee. Stanley was deep in thought as he drank his coffee. He sat up and cleared his throat.
“Ma’am…”
“Call me Abbey, Stanley, please.”
Stanley grinned. “Abbey,” he said as his grin faded.
“Abbey, these…pauses…um…these little episodes that he is having…have you seen one yet?”
Abbey also sat up now, suddenly alert. “Episodes? No, I don’t…what do you mean by episodes?”
“Well, I heard someone, was it Lewis, describe how it seemed that one time Leo seemed to just suddenly, in the middle of a conversation, just stopped…interacting…I guess. He seemed to stare off into space. It only lasted a moment, then he was back. When we were talking this morning he had a similar episode…just really seconds…but he seemed somewhere else. Cruze described the same thing on the beach.
“Is there, possible a physical cause for something like that?”
Abbey rubbed her temple and cast her mind back. Neurology was never her specialty but she remembered a few things. “I seem to remember something called a focal onset seizure; similar to what you are describing.”
“There is a physical cause for something like that?”
“Yes, usually there is a physical cause, anything ranging from epilepsy to kidney failure to tumors.”
“Could Leo have a physical problem causing these, for want of a better word, seizures?”
“I guess anything is possible, Stanley. I do know Leo has not been to a doctor in years. He thinks he is superman. But I would think anything that was causing seizures would have shown other symptoms as well.”
“But we can’t rule it out, right?”
“Yes, I would have to say there is a possibility. What about his PTSD?”
“Abbey, the thing is, I am worried about a psychotic break. He is having very vivid dreams. He told me a lot of detail today and the dreams are powerful. Almost could be hallucinations. I am not sure yet. The flashbacks are becoming more and more real to him. He is having olfactory, sensory flashbacks. Smells, sounds, even feelings, physical and emotional could trigger these.”
“These could happen anywhere, couldn’t they?”
“Yes, and he would be helpless to stop them.”
“Do you think he needs treatment; therapy?”
“I don’t know yet. I think we may have to rule out a physical cause first. What are the chances we can get him to a doctor and get some tests done?”
“Knowing our Leo; slim to none.”

CJ jumped, startled by sounds coming from the bed next to her. She realized she had fallen asleep. She sat up in the chair and saw Leo moving in the bed and mumbling under the covers. She reached over and put her hand on his shoulder. He was trembling.
“Leo? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Leo didn’t directly answer her, he just thrashed his legs and shivered, muttering softly, “Cold…cold.”
CJ stood and pulled back the comforter and touched Leo’s shoulder. His skin felt cold under the t-shirt. She felt his face and the back of his neck; also cold. He shivered hard and grabbed her hand. “So cold…”
“Okay. Hang on a minutes Leo. I’ll be right back.” CJ pulled the comforter back over him then opened the door into the living area. She stepped in and saw Abbey curled under an afghan in the chair closest to her. Stanley, across from her, was also asleep, his head back on the chair. She didn’t want to wake them so she went back into Leo’s room. He was still shivering under the bed clothes.
“Leo,” she shook his shoulder again. He opened his eyes but seemed to look right through her. She wondered if he even knew she was there, or where he was. CJ had an idea and walked over to the door next to the back wall of glass. She pushed it open, and, as she had hoped, saw it was a bathroom. She ran her hand over the wall inside and found the light switch. She blinked at the sudden brightness. She stepped in and for a second, admired the large space with the huge walk in marble shower and the massive freestanding soaking tub in front of a wall of glass.
She went back into the room and opened drawers in the chest by Leo’s closet until she found fresh boxer’s and another shirt. She threw them on the foot of the bed then went back to Leo. She pulled the sheet and comforter down to his feet then sat on the edge of the bed. Leo was shivering even harder as she gently turned his face to her. “Leo. Wake up. C’mon. We are going to take a shower honey. Let’s sit you up now, there you go…let’s swing your feet over…”
CJ kept up a steady murmur of soft words, sometimes almost nonsense, as she managed to get Leo to his feet. She wrapped her arm around his waist and walked him to the bathroom. He was shaking so violently she was afraid she might not be able to hold onto him. She maneuvered him through the door, half carried him over to the shower. She lowered the cover on the toilet and sat him on it. She turned to step into the shower to turn on the water. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Leo tilt sideways. She spun back around and grabbed hold of him before he could slide off onto the floor.
“Dammit, Leo.” She sat him back against the toilet tank, then let go, only to grab him again as he leaned to the side again. ‘Shit.’ She looked around the room and her eyes settled on the tub.
“Leo. Leo, honey.” She pulled him to his feet and walked him back to the bedroom and sat him on the bed. He fell straight back onto the mattress and never opened his eyes. He shivered again and moaned, turning onto his side. When she was sure he wouldn’t fall off the bed, CJ went back into the bathroom and turned on the hot water tap. She ran her hand under the stream, adjusting the temperature with the cold water until she was satisfied. She reached down and pushed the drain closed and noticed a bottle sitting on the top of the free standing tub faucet. She picked it up and read the label. Lavender Oil. Okay. Why not?’ She opened the bottle and put a few drops into the tub under the stream of water.
As she was waiting for the tub to fill, she looked out through the windows on the other side of the tub into the night. She saw her reflection in the window then jumped slightly when she saw one of the agents move along the patio just beyond the pool. She noticed a thin cotton, cloth shade above the wide window and pulled the release cord so it descended over the window. “Don’t want to give anyone a show.’
When the tub was full, she went back to the bedroom and tried to wake Leo again. He muttered and shivered, but didn’t really wake up, so she just grabbed him and sat him up. She pulled his t-shirt over his head and grabbed him as he slid sideways again.
CJ pushed him back on the bed then closed her eyes for a moment then looking at his face, pulled his boxers off. She pulled him up and grabbed him by the waist and muscled him through the door for the second time that night.
Standing next to the tub, she turned Leo in her arms then raised his leg with a hand under his knee and set it in the tub. He suddenly came half awake and started to struggle with her. “Leo. No. Leo, stop. You need to get warm. Warm bath, Leo…nice warm water…” He settled down and she helped him to lift his other leg into the tub and set him down on the edge.
She grabbed him under the arms and slid him into the tub then turned him so his back was resting on the sloped back of the tub. Leo groaned and his body shuddered hard, then settled down.
“There. I bet that feels good Leo. Just relax, honey.” CJ turned around to get extra towels for the floor to soak up the water that had landed on the floor during Leo’s struggle. She pulled three off the shelf and turned back to the tub just as Leo was sliding down into the water.
“Shit.” She rushed over and grabbed his arm and pulled him back. The tub was six feet long, so Leo’s feet didn’t reach the front of the tub so nothing stopped him from sliding down the back of the tub into the water. CJ let go of him again, and he slid again.
“Well, damn.” CJ held onto Leo’s arm and looked around the room for anything to help prop him up in the tub, but she saw nothing helpful. She took a deep breath and decided if she really wanted to do what she was considering doing. She certainly didn’t want the agent in the yard to see her. The thin shade over the window didn’t cover completely.
CJ let go of Leo quickly, ran over to the sink and turned on the soft light above the mirror. She ran back to Leo and grabbed his arm then stretched to the doorway and turned off the overhead light. She slid her sweatpants off with one hand along with her panties. She pulled the waffle knit Henley over her head and down her arm, then switched hands and threw it on the floor with the sweatpants. Last, she reached back and unhooked her bra and tossed it with the other clothes.
“Okay, Leo. Let’s hope you sleep through this.” She pushed him forward and slipped behind him in the tub. She caught her breath at the almost too warm water. She bent her knees and let Leo’s arms rest on her thighs while she settled his back against her chest. His head rested on her shoulder, his breath on her neck.
CJ tried to relax and let Leo rest against her, his body no longer shivering. He mumbled softly in his sleep and pushed his body into hers. CJ took deep slow breaths and hoped he would sleep until the water turned tepid, then she would have to get him out of the tub and into bed. She rested her head on the back of the tub and slid down a little further into the hot, fragrant water.

“CJ. Wake up.” Someone touched her shoulder. She dragged her eyes open and there was Abbey, crouched next to the tub looking her in the eye, and her eyes were twinkling with mischief. “So, girlfriend…”
“Oh, God. Abbey. I fell asleep. God, do not start…”
Abbey snickered and reached out to run her fingers through Leo’s hair. “So?”
“I nodded off and woke up when Leo started fussing. He was shaking the bed he was shivering so hard. I didn’t know what to do. I went into the living room but you and Stanley were passed out, and I didn’t want to wake you. I was going to stand him up in the shower and warm him up, but he kept almost falling over. So I had the bright idea to put him in the bathtub. Which was fine, except he is too short and he kept sliding down into the water. It was either climb in here and hold him up or try to explain to the President how I let his best friend and chief of staff drown.
Abbey was doing her best not to giggle, with little success. “You gave me quite a start when I didn’t see you or Leo right away. I never expected to find you in the tub…together.”
“Well, fortunately, he has been asleep the whole time.”
“He looks like he has gotten comfy.” Leo had at some point, while CJ slept, turned onto his side and had his face pressed against her left breast and his arms wrapped around her left thigh.”
“Well, much as I am relieved he got some sleep and stopped shivering, this water is really cooling off. We better get him into bed or he will start shivering again.”
“Okay. Here, let me hold him forward while you climb out,” Abbey said as she pulled Leo toward her and held him by the shoulders. CJ put her hands on the edge of the tub and raised herself up, then swung her right leg over the side and climbed out of the tub. “I do have to say, this is one great tub.”
“Okay, get dressed. Where are Leo’s clothes.”
“On the bed,” CJ said as she dried off with one of the towels she had dropped earlier then pulled on her panties and shirt. She picked up her sweatpants and bra and carried them into the bedroom and threw them on the bed. She grabbed Leo’s boxers and went back in to help Abbey. They got on either side of the tub, grabbed Leo by the arms and lifted him up and sat him on the side. CJ held him by the shoulders and Abbey swung his legs around and put his feet on the floor. She grabbed another towel and dried Leo’s legs. She took the boxers from CJ and pulled them up to Leo’s knees.
Next CJ dried his torso and arms, then moved next to Abbey and lifted Leo up by the arms so Abbey could pull the boxers up to his hips. “There.”
“Sorry, Abbey.”
“I do have to say, this is twice now I have helped dress a naked Leo. I do not want to make a habit of it.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, into the bedroom.” They each took a side and walked Leo around to the side of the bed. He was barely conscious of what was happening as they had pulled him from the tub, dried him and then set him on the bed. CJ pulled back the covers and they moved him into the middle of the bed on his side, his head on a pile of pillows. Abbey tucked the sheet and comforter tightly around him.
CJ went to walk around the bed to get her sweatpants, when Leo’s hand reached from under the covers and grabbed hers. She stopped and looked at Abbey who shrugged. “Leo?”
“Please…stay.”
She looked to Abbey for help, but she was gone and CJ heard the click of the door closing. She looked down at Leo’s hand on hers and sighed. “Okay. I’ll stay.” She moved the chair she had used earlier closer to the bed, but Leo pulled back the covers to make room for her.
“Leo? You want me to get in bed with you?”
“Please…” he muttered softly. “Cold.”
CJ smirked to herself. ‘Great pick up line, Leo.’
She climbed onto the bed and settled in next to Leo and laid back on the pillows. She pulled the covers back up around them. Leo wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. CJ raised her right arm and wrapped it around his back. Leo snuggled close and laid his head on her right breast, sighed heavily and she felt him drop off to sleep immediately.
She lay awake for a while, afraid to relax too much, but soon sleep came and she sank into the soft mattress and held Leo close.

 

Leo realized the moment he woke that he was not alone. He was afraid to open his eyes. Soft morning light filed the room and he was warm and cozy under the bed covers. He could smell the scent of lavender in the bed radiating from warm bodies. He was on his right side and someone was spooned tight behind him, an arm lay over his side, a hand lightly gripped his chest. He sighed.
“Go back to sleep, Leo,” CJ’s groggy voice breathed in his ear. His eyes opened wide and he turned his head, catching sight of her mussed hair and face inches from his own.
“CJ?”
“Yeah. Go back to sleep,” she rubbed his chest and snuggled against him.
“What…uh, how…shit…why…”
“Shut. Up. Go. To. Sleep.” Leo sank back into the warmth of CJ and the bed and amazed himself when he felt himself falling back to sleep.

When Leo woke the second time that morning, it was to the delicious smell of coffee. His nostrils widened before his eyes opened. He inhaled again and sighed. He rolled on to his side and opened his eyes. CJ was sitting there with damp hair, wearing jeans and a Berkley sweatshirt holding a huge mug of coffee.
Leo sat up in the bed and moved closer to the edge, groaning at his stiff muscles. He reached for the coffee and held it under his nose inhaling deeply. He loved when the hot steam caressed his face.
CJ chuckled as she watched him. “You might want to take a drink of that, Leo.” He complied and pulled a long draught of the wonderful liquid. He groaned and took another gulp. He clutched the cup to his chest and settled back on the mound of pillows. “I never figured you for a pillow guy, Leo. Oh, and Lavender oil in the bathroom?”
Leo blushed. “It helps you sleep. I swear, I wash it off in the morning. And I like pillows, so sue me.” He tipped the cup up and drained it. He held it out to CJ with a trademark McGarry smirk.
CJ had to laugh, it was so Leo. “For the second cup you have to come out and have breakfast. Abbey cooked,” she said as she headed for the door, “pancakes.”
That got Leo moving, slowly, but moving. He loved Abbey’s pancakes. “Give me fifteen minutes,” he yelled after CJ. He hobbled into the bathroom, moaning the whole way. He was not sure all that happened yesterday, but he hurt from head to toe. He dropped his boxers on the floor and stepped carefully into the shower and turned all the jets on, adjusting the water to just under scalding. He let the water beat at his aching muscles and fall from the rain-shower-head down his body. Ten minutes later he was shaved, had brushed his teeth and was rooting around in his dresser for his favorite brown wool sweater and a pair of baggy corduroy pants in forest green. He combed his hair and for a second wondered what the hell he was doing, then ran his hands through and said to hell with it.
He walked out of his room and made a beeline for the kitchen. Abbey saw him first and set the bowl in her hands down, walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his chest and put her head on his shoulder. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, Leo. Ever, do you hear me?”
Leo sighed and held her tight. He fought back the tightness in his throat and nodded, afraid to speak. He stepped back and kissed her forehead. He looked up and saw Stanley and Lewis seated at the dining table with CJ. “So. I am hungry. Load me up Abbey. And I smell bacon too.” He smiled and tried to feel happy.
The plate Abbey gave him would have fed two people; five large cinnamon pancakes and a pile of bacon, plus three large slices of honeydew melon. He sat down next to CJ, across from Lewis and to Stanley’s right. He looked up at Lewis who grinned at him. He couldn’t look Stanley in the eye, not yet. Yesterday was still to vivid in his mind. Revealing the details, that was hard on him; he was actually still mad that Stanley had more or less forced him into telling him the details of the dreams. That was information he could have easily taken to this grave.
Leo took the bottle of maple syrup CJ had slid in front of him and poured a good deal on his pancakes. His stomach growled and everyone laughed when they heard it. “Better eat up, Leo,” CJ smiled. So he ate, every bite, had three more cups of coffee then sat back and sighed as he rubbed his very full stomach.
“God, now I need a nap.”
“You just got up,” Abbey teased as she took his plate and kissed the top of his head. He kneed back his chair and stood up.
“Leo?”
“Yeah, Stanley.”
“We will be talking today.”
Leo dropped his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I really am kinda wiped out today…can…can we skip it today…”
“No,” Stanley held up his hand as Leo started to protest, “but we will cut back to two, three hours.”
“Okay. Fine. Whatever.” Leo shoved his chair in with his foot and turned away. “I’ll be in my study…reading…”
CJ put her hand on his arm. “Sit with me later? Talk, watch a movie, whatever?”
“Yeah…maybe…yeah, okay.” Leo smiled and went to his study, carefully closing the door. Inside his sanctuary, Leo sighed and rubbed his face. He got through a meal, sat beside CJ and didn’t run or fall apart. That had to be progress. Now if he could just avoid Stanley for the rest of the day he would be happy.
Leo walked over to the bookshelf by the table he had sat at with Stanley and pulled down the book he had noticed yesterday. He went over to the sofa and stretched out, leaning up against the arm. He groaned as he relaxed, his muscles aching, his back and neck worst of all. He pulled the fleece blanket off the back and covered his legs and opened the Churchill book. No better way to spend an afternoon than reading about one of his favorite heroes.
Leo didn’t realize he fell asleep until a knock at the door woke him. He put his book on the coffee table as he struggled to sit up. His muscles had really tightened up as he slept. Lewis came in the room with a cup of hot tea and some cookies on a plate.
“How are you feeling, sir,” Lewis asked as he set the cup and plate on the table?
“Like shit, thanks for asking.”
“Yes sir. I brought you some Earl Grey, and the first lady made cookies. I figured after the breakfast you ate, you wouldn’t want lunch, but the cookies are awesome. She said they were your favorite.”
“Leo had already snagged a cookie and ate half in on bite. “God, I love oatmeal raisin cookies, especially Abbey’s. These are awesome,” he said with his mouth full as he picked up another cookie. “Three or four more of these would great, Lewis.”
“I brought you four, sir…” Lewis smirked as Leo gave him the look. “Yes sir, more cookies.”
Lewis came back with five more cookies and a small ceramic teapot which he set on the table. “The rest of the tea. And Dr. Keyworth will be in soon.”
Leo moaned and dumped his current half-eaten cookie back on the plate. “Just lost my appetite,” grumbled and fell back on the sofa.
Lewis reached for the plate. “Well, if you are done…”
“Touch the cookies, lose a hand, Lewis.”
Lewis grinned and left, pulling the door almost closed. Leo grabbed another cookie and stared out of the windows into the back yard. He was still staring and munching twenty minutes later when Stanley came in.
“Leo. Enjoying the cookies?”
“Uh, yeah,” he looked down and saw the plate was empty; he had eaten all of them. “Yeah, Abbey bakes a mean cookie. So, I guess we are doing this now?”
“We are. I promise, just a few hours. We will be done well before dinner.”
“Yeah. Whatever.” Leo rose from the couch, grabbing his back with a hiss as he straightened. He limped over to the table and sat down heavily.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. No. My back hurts and my whole body aches.”
“Throwing yourself into ice cold water and shivering to avoid hypothermia will do that to you.”
Leo looked at Stanley with wide eyes. ‘Wow. He really went there.’ Leo looked down at his hands as Stanley sat in the chair across from him.
“No cigarettes today, Leo?”
“No. I’m out and no one will go buy me any.”
“Lucky me. So Leo, why throw yourself in the water. Were you aware of the drop-off when you went in? Were you trying to kill yourself?”
Leo’s head jerked up and he gaped at Stanley in disbelief. “No…I didn’t…no…why would you…no…I really…no…” Leo sputtered as Stanley sat and gazed back as him.
“Leo. Why did you jump in the water?”
Leo frowned and hid forehead wrinkled. He cleared his throat and then rubbed his face. Stanley just waited. “I don’t know,” he whispered.
“I didn’t hear you, Leo.”
“I said I …don’t…know,” Leo shouted. He jumped to his feet and paced back and forth in front of his desk, Hunched forward, his hand in his hair. “I don’t know why. I guess…it seemed like…I don’t know. I was so angry…and I was so scared…It just seemed…like I should…”
“Leo, please sit.” Leo sat down with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “Why were you scared, Leo? Why were you angry?”
“I was angry that…CJ knew…about the dreams…Abbey…I was angry, embarrassed, I guess. Afraid she would…afraid of what she would think of me.” He paused and rubbed his eyes. “She…I told her to get lost, to leave. That I didn’t want her here…but that was a lie…”
Stanley waited but Leo didn’t go on. “Leo, what was a lie?”
“That I didn’t want her here. I do…want her…I mean I want her here…I, shit, Stanley. You know what the dreams are like…”
“You told me about the first one…”
“Yes, and I told you they have gotten…extreme…Stanley, they have started to scare me…I’m afraid…they are so…” Leo shuddered and wiped his eyes, looking at his hands as they came away wet. “What…what… if I acted on them, Stanley…what if I did…” He looked up at Stanley with haunted eyes. “What if I hurt…”
“Leo, you wouldn’t. You are not that kind of man. You would never force someone, or hurt them.”
“I do in the dreams, Stanley,” Leo broke down, sobbing. “I hurt her…”
Stanley ran his hand through his hair, glad Leo couldn’t see it tremble. He put his hand on Leo’s shoulder and squeezed. “You would never do that Leo. These are dreams, that are a response to something…a symptom of something…we just need to find what is causing them.”
“Then they will go away,” Leo asked hopefully?
“We will work towards that, Leo. Okay? Right now I want you to think about how you felt, right before you went into the water.”
“I don’t know, Stanley. I just felt, mad…scared…I guess I zoned out for a bit…I’ve been zoning out for a minute now and then…I guess I have so much on my mind…I just…then Cruze was dragging me up the beach. I wondered what happened…”
“You don’t remember exactly how you got in the water?”
“No…I thought, I guess I fell…I don’t know. I don’t remember, Stanley,” Leo replied as he started to get agitated again.
“It’s okay, Leo. We are just talking…trying to make some sense…” Stanley tried to calm, Leo. “How have you been feeling physically, Leo? Anything bothering you? Headaches?”
“No, I don’t think so…I mean I get headaches, from stress, when I read too much, ya know, normal reasons. What? Is there…”
“No,” Stanley was quick to calm him. “Just covering all the bases. Okay, let’s, uhm, let’s stop for today. Just try to relax, Leo. Why don’t you spend some time with CJ today?”
Leo started to protest, but Stanley cut him off. “Leo, you are having…explicit dreams…dreams that are possibly affecting the way you perceive CJ. Sit with her, talk, take a walk, watch a movie…see that the dreams are just that. They are not the reality of your relationship with CJ.”
“We don’t have a relationship.”
“But you do. Colleagues, friends. Just relax, okay?”
“Yeah. Okay. What time is it?”
“A little after two.”
“Thanks,” Leo said as he slowly rose from the chair. He limped towards the door before Stanley stopped him. “Are you okay? Did you hurt something yesterday?”
“Besides my pride…nah…forget it, just sore muscles.”
He went into the kitchen, blessing the coffee gods when he saw a fresh pot of coffee waiting for him. His favorite big State Department mug was sitting on the counter next to the coffee maker. ‘Thank you, Lewis.’ He poured, spooned in his three sugars and stirred. He looked around and didn’t see anyone around. ‘Hmm. Wonder where everyone is? He took his coffee and walked over to the sofas then dropped onto the far sofa and picked the remote up from off the coffee table.
He flipped around until he found an old Spencer Tracey movie, one of his favorites, ‘State of the Union.’ “Nice, he grunted as he settled down into the sofa and sipped his coffee. He tossed the remote onto the sofa between his legs and sighed.
A few minutes later CJ waked down the steps into the living area and heard the television. She walked over to the sofas and saw Leo lying on the farthest one watching a movie. “Hey. Whatcha watchin’?”
“State of the Union, Spencer Tracey, Katharine Hepburn…”
“Oh, I like this one. He runs for President,’ she said as she moved around the sofa across from him to take a seat. Leo sits up and holds up his coffee cup. “I’m gonna get a refill. Want some?”
“Oh here, I’ll do it. I’m already up.” She took his cup and he settled back down on the sofa glad he didn’t have to get up because he hurt everywhere.
CJ fixed the coffee and came back, placing his on the coffee table within reach, then settled down on the sofa. “How much have I missed,” she tilted her head toward the TV.
“Not much. Maybe twenty minutes.”
“Good.”

As Abbey came down the stairs and entered the living area she heard Leo and CJ’s voices. Leo was laugh and CJ giggling. She saw them on the sofas, both stretched out and relaxed. Leo spied her first. “Abbey? Nice nap??”
“Yes. Thank you. What are you doing?” CJ looked over the back of the sofa. “We just finished watching ‘State of the Union’ with Tracey and Hepburn.”
“Oh that is a good one. I love anything with them,” she said as she settled onto the sofa with CJ as she sat up to make room. “How are you feeling, Leo?”
“I’m okay. Sore. Just muscle aches.”
“That happens when you have tremors from being cold. You were shivering pretty badly last night. That’s why CJ had to put you in a hot tub.”
Leo blushed all the way up to his ears. “Oh…I kinda thought that was a dream.”
“No dream. It was the best way to warm you up. Where is Stanley?”
“I left him in my study when we finished. He is probably upstairs…” Just then the object of their conversation came up from the basement and shut the door.
“What were you doing downstairs Stanley,” Abbey asked?
“I was playing pool with Cruze. He was off duty and bored. I ran into him when I left Leo’s study and he told me Leo had a pool table. We played a couple of rounds.”
Lewis came in from outside, shedding his jacket. “What does everyone want for dinner?”
“What’s in the fridge? Did Cruze go shopping again…ow…damn…damn…” Leo started cursing as he tried to get up. He grabbed his back and fell back on the couch. Abbey went to him and helped him sit up. “Leo?”
“My back. I guess I wrenched it yesterday. I think. It will be okay. Help me stand.”
“Why?”
“Cause I want to check the fridge…”
“Leo. Sit down.”
“Abbey. Stop. I am not a child. My back hurts. It will get better if I move. Now help me up,” he shouted and held out his hand. Abbey glared at him, but held out her hand and helped him up. He groaned as he got to his feet and limped around the sofa and into the kitchen.
Lewis stood close by as Leo stood listing to the right in front of the open doors. He was moving things around and opening bins and cried “Aha. I knew Cruze would have to buy them.” He turned around holding a stack of packages wrapped in butcher’s paper. He dropped them on the counter and dove back into the refrigerator coming out with a bag he also dropped on the counter. He shut the fridge doors and leaned on the counter, opening the paper wrapped packages.
Leo held up a heavily marbled cut of beef. “Ribeye steaks. Angus beef. From Sawyer’s. They are the best.” He opened the bag and spilled it onto the counter. More than a dozen potatoes rolled out along with two huge Bermuda onions and another paper bag, from which Leo poured out dozens of mushrooms. He grinned. “Dinner.”
Abbey, CJ and Stanley walked over to join Leo and Lewis. “Okay. Let’s divvy up chores folks,” Abbey rubbed her hands together.
“Leo does the steaks,” Lewis said. “He is a wizard with ribeye’s.”
“Lewis, I need you to get the other two big skillets out of the basement for me. You know I can’t carry those that far.”
“Yes sir. Stanley, give me a hand.” Stanley stood and left with Lewis, while Leo turned on the two over and under ovens and then rooted around in a drawer in the island. He pulled out a handful of stainless nails and put them on the counter. He looked at CJ. “These go in all the potatoes, makes ‘em bake a lot faster. Can you shove a nail in each potato, like this,” Leo grabbed a potato in one hand, carefully poked the nail straight in about an inch, then pushed it down on the counter until it was all the way into the potato?
“Yeah. I think I can do that.”
“Abbey,” Leo gestured at the onions and mushrooms. “Just slice them up for the steak.” Abbey grinned at Leo, loving the mood he was in, ordering everyone around in his kitchen. “You got it Leo.”
“Here, can you mince up a couple heads of this garlic too,” Leo tossed garlic on the counter then turned back and opened the fridge again. He pulled out bottles of A1 sauce, Heinz 57 and Peter Luger steak sauce and walked them over to the table. He made another trip putting two saucers with sticks of butter on the table and two big tubs of sour cream.
Lewis and Stanley came up out of the basement each carrying a large cast iron pans. “Jeez, these things are heavy,” Stanley complained as they put them on the range top. “How big are these things, anyway?”
“Seventeen inches each. The biggest Lodge makes. And I only cook steak in cast iron,” Leo said with not a little pride. CJ had finished putting nails in all the potatoes so Leo opened up one of the ovens and they lined up all the potatoes in the oven on two racks and then set the timer for 30 minutes. “At thirty minutes we’ll give them a check and switch them on the racks so they cook even.
Leo unwrapped all the steaks and set them on two sheet pans where he rubbed them in canola oil, salted and peppered them and covered them with parchment. He went back to the fridge and got out a package of thyme and asked CJ to just separate the branches.
An hour later everything was ready to go. The potatoes were wrapped in towels staying warm and the skillets were in a 400-degree oven heating up. When Leo was ready he had Lewis lift the skillets out of the oven onto the burners so Leo could drop the sixteen steaks into the pans to sear. When all the steaks were seared he put butter and garlic and thyme on all of the pans and Lewis put them back in the oven.
While the steaks were in the oven Leo grabbed another pan and placed it on a lit burner. “Abbey, could you sauté the onions and mushrooms, please…and CJ, would you make coffee?”
Another thirty minutes passed and Leo had all the steaks lined up on a cutting board resting. The potatoes sat on a platter, a bowl held the mushroom/onion sauté and a large salad bowl held a pile of premade bagged salad mix. Stanley lined up some bottles of salad dressing while everyone made a plate and sat at the table. Leo was placing steaks on plates as a line formed as Lewis sent in off duty agents to eat.
“Damn, Mr. McGarry, this is amazing,” said one of the first lady’s agents. He looked at Cruze who was filling a plate.
“Do you guys eat like this all the time?”
“You bet we do. Mr. McGarry is a great cook.”
“Leo, you are done. C’mon. Fix a plate and sit with us,” Abbey motioned him over. Leo sighed and picked up a plate. He slid a steak onto the plate, grabbed a potato and spooned a pile of mushrooms and onions on it. He sat between CJ and Abbey and pulled his chair close. “Pass me the Luger’s please.” He took the bottle from CJ and poured a large dollop on his plate.
“Sour cream,” Stanley asked? Leo shook his head.
“Nah, just butter and the pepper.” He then sat back to eat. He sighed when he took the first bite of the steak and CJ heard him.
“These are amazing, Leo. Thank you.”
Leo blushed and looked down at his plate. “Sure. I love to cook. I just never get the chance anymore.” He tucked into his meal and tried to relax.
Agents came and went and soon all the food was gone and not so much as a lettuce leaf or mushroom was left. Lewis and Tommy Chen and Ricky Moreno cleared the table and brought coffee cups and a carafe full of coffee to the table.
“Everyone relax; we will have this cleared up in no time. Sir,” he nodded to Leo, “I remember how to clean the skillets.”
“No water,” Leo said.
“Yes sir.”
Leo poured a cup of coffee then stood up and limped toward the sofas. Anyone want to watch anything specific?” Abbey and CJ exchanged glanced and CJ stood up and followed Leo. “Leo, finish your coffee, then let me work on your back. I have a massage certificate. I know what I am doing.”
Leo stopped and turned to look at her with wide eyes. He looked to Abbey and then to Stanley. Abbey shrugged a ‘why not’ and Stanley nodded.
“Uh, okay,” he agreed as he turned to hide the flush that washed over his face and neck. He sat down on the sofa and clutched his coffee in both hands, staring at CJ as she sat across from him and picked up the television remote. “CNN,” she asked as she flipped channels?
“Uh, okay,” Leo mumbled, eyes still wide, staring at CJ. She settled back on the sofa and ran her hands through her hair. Abbey dropped onto the cushion next to Leo and he jumped a foot off the sofa, spilling coffee everywhere. He leapt to his feet and ran to the table, poured another cup of coffee and went to his study, slamming the door behind him.
CJ, Abbey, Stanley, Lewis and Cruze all stared at the closed study door. “What the hell was that,” Abbey said as she eyed CJ? CJ sighed and stood up. “I guess I better find out?”
“CJ, I can go talk to him,” Stanley offered.
“No. I will. Just, if I scream come rescue me.” She waked over to the study door, knocked lightly and stepped in, closing the door behind her softly.
CJ had not been in study yet and looked around curiously. She liked the oak paneling on the walls, all the floor to ceiling bookshelves. The leather sofa she stood by was large and deep and comfy looking. Leo’s executive desk was massive, made of cherry with ash veneers and a tooled leather top. She saw Leo in the far corner of the room before the fireplace, curled up in a leather chair that matched the sofa.
She went over and sat in the chair next to his. He ignored her, staring at the flickering fire and occasionally sipping on his coffee. CJ relaxed back into the soft chair and sighed, enjoying the heat of the fire and the quiet. She could hear Leo breathing; occasionally muttering under his breath. She sighed again,softly and remained silent.
Leo finished his coffee and set the cup on the table between their chairs. He moaned when he shifted in the chair and put his feet on the floor. He shifted again and flinched and groaned.
“Leo…”
He held up his hand to stop her. “CJ, you do not have to be nice to me, or help me, or like me, or do anything you don’t want to…”
“What the hell, Leo,” she yelled? “What? Don’t do the pity party thing on me okay. Oh poor me, woe is me, crock. I have known you for how many years? We are, or I thought we were, friends. We are colleagues. You are having some…problems right now and I am here to help, however I can. You are having bad dreams, and for some reason they include me. That’s okay. I don’t blame you, I don’t think it’s sick or anything else. God, Leo. You are in pain; I want to help. Okay?”
Leo sat through her outburst just looking down at his feet while he gripped his hands together until his knuckles were white. When she finished, CJ fell back in the chair and crossed her arms, hugging herself and hoping she had not gone too far.
“I’m sorry,” Leo mumbled softly.
“What?”
“I’m sorry,” he said louder. “I don’t know what to do, how to act around you right now, CJ. I am…I guess…I’m confused…I’m scared. These dreams. In them I…God,” He leaned forward, holding his head in his hands. “I…we…do things…I never…”
“Leo, please. It’s okay. I don’t need to know. I think I don’t want to know.”
He finally looked at her and she was chilled to the bone by the haunted, haggard look on his face. Tears gathered in his eyes and he rubbed them away with the backs of his hands.
“Leo. It’s okay…”
“It’s not okay, CJ,” he hissed. He fell back in the chair and rubbed his eyes again. “It’s not…okay.”
“Alright. Well, Leo, let me give you a massage, relax those muscles, you’ll sleep like a baby. Maybe you will feel better tomorrow.”
Leo looked at CJ for a long minutes and then cracked a small grin. “Okay. I would be a fool to turn down a free massage, right?”
“Right. Now, where can we do this?”
“Does it really matter?”
“No. A massage table is best, but I know you don’t have one.”
“Well…how about my bed? I will probably want to go to sleep after that anyway,” Leo suggested shyly.
“Yeah. I guess that’s probably best. Okay, let’s go. Say goodnight to Abbey and Stanley. “
They walked through the living area, Leo wishing everyone a good night and went into his bedroom. CJ closed the door and Leo stood uncertainly in the middle of the room.
“Why don’t you change into some loose pants and a t-shirt, Leo? It will be easier for me to work on your muscles.”
Leo nodded and went into his closet and shut the door. He stripped off his clothes with nervous hands and grabbed a pair of flannel sleep pants from a shelf and pulled them on. He stood there a minute, wondering if this was a good idea. He pulled on a plain grey t-shirt and opened the door. CJ was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting for him.
“Come lie down, Leo. Just stretch out here, across the bed. Let your feet hang off a bit so your toes don’t get sore.” Leo crawled onto the bed and stretched out. He laid the side of his head on his hands and tried to relax. He jumped when he felt the mattress dip as CJ climbed up on the bed. He jumped again when he felt her hand on his back.
“Leo?”
“I’m okay. Just…”
“Yes?”
“Nervous?”
CJ chuckled. “It’s okay Leo. I will be gentle.”
He was glad he was on his stomach because her words made him blush furiously. He swallowed hard and tried to get his body to relax. She moved closer to him and he jumped yet again when her thigh slid up against his.
“Leo, you really need to relax here. You feel like a board,” she said as she ran her hands down his t-shirt clad back. His breath hitched in his throat when her hands touched his back. He shuddered and closed his eyes.
“Leo? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Leo struggled to his hands and knees and moved to the other side of the bed. He sat cross-legged with his head in his hands and tried to breathe. “No, CJ. I am not okay, okay? You are touching me like it is nothing, like we do this all the time. This is really hard for me, being with you, in the same room as you. You don’t want to know about the dreams, but I see them in my head. All the time. They are always there and I am afraid that they will become real.
“I am scared to death I might do those things…that I can never be with anyone again in a normal…in a relationship that is…dammit.
“The things in the dreams…that I do…I have never been like...it is not me. But I am afraid that it really is. I am afraid CJ that I am that twisted, evil thing in my dreams. And you are here, touching me…I am scared shitless that I…” Leo broke down and fell on his side on the bed, curled up in a ball, sobbing as he hid his face from her.
CJ clutched her hands in the fabric of the bed comforter, afraid if she didn’t she would run from the room. Run from Leo. He had frightened her and the sobbing was even worse. She wanted to comfort him, tell him he was not like that. That the Leo she knew would never be the kind of man he was afraid he was. She couldn’t force the words through the tightness in her throat.
Leo straightened his body and lay fully on his stomach with his face buried in the bed. He knew CJ was still there and he couldn’t look at her. He hiccupped as the sobs slowed. His head was pounding and he just wanted her to leave. He stopped breathing when CJ moved over and lay down next to him. She touched him slowly, gently, then began to rub his back.
Leo began to breathe again and allowed his body to relax under her touch. After a few minutes CJ slipped her hand under his t-shirt and rubbed his back softly in wide circles. She leaned her body into Leo’s and lay her head down next to his. She continued to rub his back for a while, feeling his body slowly uncoil beneath her fingers.
Leo lifted his head and turned to look at CJ. Her face was inches from his and he could feel her breath. He looked into her eyes and his widened in surprise when he saw only trust in them. She had a smile on her face. “Leo, I have known you a long time. You are not, could never be, the kind of man that has taken over your dreams.
“You are a caring, kind man. You would never hurt me or anyone.”
Leo gazed into her eyes and barely aware of what he was doing, leaned slowly toward her, never looking away as his lips touched hers. CJ let him kiss her, then pulled him back when he started to back away. The kiss was soft and tender and long. Leo sighed and backed away from CJ long enough to move onto his side. He scooted closer to her, taking her in his arms and pulled her body against his, then he leaned in and kissed her again.
After a moment he pulled back. He lifted his hand and caressed her cheek, watching as her eyes drifted closed and a soft sigh escaped her lips. Leaning in he touched his lips to hers, wanting to feel their warm softness again. And when her lips parted under his, he was lost in the sweetness of her.
CJ moaned into the kiss and ran her hands up under his shirt to caress his back. In return Leo pulled her shirt from her jeans and reached under to stroke her lean stomach then around to her back. His fingers dipped below the waistband of her jeans and CJ gasped, imitating his action by slipping her hand inside his flannel pants. Leo groaned as CJ reached down to caress his butt then around to his hip.
“Oh God,” Leo whispered as he kissed CJ’s lips, then dipped down to kiss her jaw and neck and the spot behind her ear that made her giggle. CJ grabbed his head and dragged him back to kiss his mouth. She opened hers wide and deepened the kiss, their tongues each battling for dominance.
Leo suddenly drew back from her and groaned. He looked at CJ, flushed and aroused and felt his own arousal throbbing. “CJ. What are we doing?” He scooted back on the bed, putting distance between them. “What am I doing? God, I have no right to…God…” Leo stared at CJ with wide eyes full of tears.
“I am so sorry…”
“Oh no you don’t. Oh no. You will not apologize and act like we have done something horrible. No.” CJ moved across the bed and settled next to Leo. She put her hand on his thigh, rubbing when he flinched.
“Leo, we are doing nothing wrong. I am a big girl and you are a big boy. I…” CJ lowered her head and looked at the bed, then lifted her eyes and gazed straight to Leo’s core. “I want you to make love to me Leo. I want to be with you. I want to show you how wonderful you are. I want you to show me how wonderful you are.”
Leo dropped his eyes and looked at his hands. “I don’t need pity, CJ. I definitely don’t need a pity fuck…”
CJ’s eyes flashed with anger. “Don’t even go there Leo McGarry. No. I wouldn’t do that, believe me.”
“But you don’t love me, CJ, and I am not in love with you, so why would you do this. Why should we do this, if it isn’t pity…feeling sorry for me…”
Leo looked so hurt, so sure she was only doing this because she felt sorry for him, she fought back tears. “Leo, look at me. Please.”
Leo looked at her and his eyes widened when he saw the look on her face, the smile on her lips and in her eyes. “Leo, we are two consenting adults who can do whatever the hell we want. And I want you to make love to me. That’s all. No pity, no sorry…just…I want you to feel better…I want to feel better…Leo…”
Leo moved to his knees and pushed CJ back onto the bed and captured her lips in a blistering, scalding kiss that twisted her gut and made her legs tingle. She didn’t love Leo McGarry, but she was his friend, and anyway, what woman in her right mind wouldn’t be attracted to him; his handsome face, that crooked grin that he smiled all too seldom, the commanding demeanor, that swagger and that strength and now this vulnerability… if this would help him she would give it. She wanted it. She wanted Leo and he wanted her, wanted to prove to her and to himself that he was not the monster he felt himself to be.
Leo pulled back from the kiss, leaning over her, an inch from her face, eyes matched to his. “I want to make love to you, CJ. I want to replace the images in my head with something good and tender and…not twisted…”
CJ pulled his mouth down to hers and kissed Leo, opening her mouth to his, wrapping his tongue with hers. Leo moved on top of her and she could feel his erection against her stomach. She grabbed at the bottom of his t-shirt and tugged hard as she turned to the side, tipping Leo onto the bed. He laughed as she ripped the shirt over his head and then pulled off her own.
“Oh, God…CJ…you are so beautiful,” Leo moaned as he leaned in and pressed kisses to her shoulders and chest, trailing his lips to her neck, behind her ear, back down across her collar bone. His hands found her breasts and CJ growled deep in throat when Leo squeezed and ran his thumbs over her hardening nipples.
“Oh, Leo…oh God, Leo. That feels amazing…” CJ ran her hands over his back and down into his flannel pants and grabbed his butt, sliding her hands over the smooth skin, down the sides of his hips and then back to cup his butt in her hands.
Leo rolled over onto his back, pulling CJ with him so she now straddled him on the bed. He reached up and kneaded her breasts as his thumbs teased her nipples harder and harder. “CJ, lose the bra, please…now…” CJ giggled as she reached behind her back and loosened the bra, then slid it slowly down her arms and then tossed it to the floor.
Leo sat up, pulled at CJ’s legs so she straightened them and spread his legs so she sat on the bed with her legs over his then pulled her as close to him as she could get. He ran his hands over her back and shoulders, over and over, then leaned in and licked her left nipple. CJ gasped, then cried out when he bit her nipple, gently, with his teeth.
“Leo…oh…shit…” she cried out when he took her nipple into his mouth and sucked greedily at her breast. He sucked and nibbled, licked and rolled the hardened nub between his lips then abruptly stopped and moved to the right breast, sucking the nipple and flesh as far into his mouth as he could.
CJ yelped in surprise and then moaned when she felt the sensations ripple down to her core. “Oh…God…Leo…stop…a minute.” Leo looked up at her with wide eyes.
“Stop…are you kidding…”
CJ pushed him back on the bed and dragged the flannel pants he wore down his hips to mid-thigh. She moved off of him and fumbled with her jeans button and zipper while Leo frantically kicked off his pants. When CJ shimmied out of her jeans and then her panties, Leo reached out and pulled her on top of him.
“Oh my God…you feel amazing…your skin…oh my god,” Leo whispered as he ran his hands over her back and buttocks, through her hair and down her arms. He pulled her down and ravaged her mouth until neither one could breathe and pulled apart gasping.
“Leo…slow down…it’s okay…I’m here…” CJ rolled to the bed and pulled Leo to her, their legs entwined, lips touching. She caressed his hips, his back, his chest, kissing softly until Leo groaned and sighed. Leo then took over, rolling her to her back he leaned over her and again made love to her breasts, her nipples, until she was gasping, then he moved lower, kissing and biting her flat stomach, her hips, her thighs.
CJ moaned aloud again when Leo parted her thighs gently and trailed kisses to her inner thighs. CJ grabbed him by the hair and pulled to get his attention. “Leo…you don’t have to…”
“Oh, yes I do…” Leo growled burying his face between her legs.
CJ jumped as his tongue found her clit. “Okay…” CJ dropped her head back on the mattress and sighed as her hands made their way to her nipples. She pinched and twisted her hardened nipples as Leo eased his frantic pace and slowly, carefully tasted her, gently caressed her with his tongue, nipped at her clitoris, then soothed it with the flat of his tongue. The whole time his hands never stopped caressing every inch of her.
Leo moved his body between CJ legs and rested on his elbows so he could grasp her cheeks in both hands, lifting her up to his relentless mouth and tongue. “Oh god…Leo…my God…Leo…oh, Leo” CJ writhed on the bed and arched her back as her orgasm started at her core, where Leo’s feverish mouth sucked and licked and his tongue probed. The warmth blossomed and then exploded outward, racing down her limbs and rebounding back up again, slamming her heart in her chest then slowly ebbing as Leo gently held her and kissed her thighs.
CJ melted into the bed, her head swimming. Leo crawled up her body, kissing every inch of skin he passed then settled on top of her. He cupped her face in the palm of his hand and tenderly kissed her lips. CJ raised her head and opened her mouth to him, tasting herself on his lips and tongue.
“Holy shit, Leo…where…how…” her head dropped back on the bed, her whole body felt like jelly.
“So, that was pretty good,” Leo asked as he continued to drop feather light kissed on her chest and neck and shoulders?
“Yes, Mr. Smug…as if you have to ask.”
Leo moved up over her again and kissed her thoroughly. “Just checkin’.”
CJ giggled as Leo pressed kisses to her eyes, cheeks, chin and finally lips again. He rolled across the bed to the edge and stood up. He walked to the bathroom as CJ watched his naked body with a sigh. She heard the toilet flush and she grinned when he walked back into the room and crawled back up on the bed.
“Night time,” He said as he pushed her back and kissed her gently but thoroughly then moved up to the head of the bed and scrunched down the bed covers. “C’mon. I want to sleep with my arms wrapped around you.”
“But…”
“Nah. Come here.”
CJ crawled up to him and he helped her lay back on the mess of pillows and pulled the sheet and comforter over them. He settled her in his arms, their legs twinned together, Her head on his chest.
“God, CJ…I can’t get enough of your skin. It’s…” he sighed.
“Are we really going to sleep? I mean…you didn’t…I mean, I haven’t…” CJ was flustered, not quite sure how to phrase that she wanted to make love…she wanted more…she wanted Leo in her mouth and in her body.”
“Shhhh. Sleep. I want to sleep holding you. We will both be here in the morning.”
CJ’s eyes were drifting closed as Leo ran his hands over her back and arms. He kissed her temple and burrowed down into the bed and then closed his eyes.
Later, the door to his bedroom opened and Abbey stepped in. She peered into the darkness and saw them in the bed together. She smiled and softly closed the door.

 

Leo felt the most heavenly sensation he had even experienced as he stuttered awake, realizing he was not alone. There was a warm, silky body pressed up against every inch of his body. As he woke he found he was on his back and CJ was on her side with her head on his chest, her leg over his and her hand low on his stomach. He sighed, shifted even closer to her and kissed her forehead. She snuggled closer to him and relaxed, still asleep. Leo closed his eyes and smiled.
The next time Leo woke, the sensations he was feeling were not only heavenly, they were downright sensational. He lifted his head and knew the large lump under his blankets was CJ…wow, at last he hoped it was CJ. He fell back on the bed moaning when the mouth clamped around his erect penis sucked expertly, the warm tongue wrapped around the head of his cock.
“Holy…” he groaned when nimble fingers teased his tight balls. He lifted the sheet and blanket and looked down at CJ. “You better come out of there before you suffocate,” he said with a smirk on his face.
CJ replied by squeezing his balls and deep throating his cock at the same time. Leo fell back on the bed dizzy with desire. “Oh, CJ…god…you better stop before…” CJ increased her movements and sucked hard, squeezing him hard and Leo couldn’t stop the explosive orgasm that emptied into CJ mouth and down her throat. That blew his mind more than the blow job itself.
“Shit...no one ever did that before,” he growled as she licked him clean.
“You cannot tell me, Leo McGarry,” she teased as she crawled up his body and out from under the covers, “that you never had a blow job before.”
“Not like that. And they never…ya know…” he stumbled over his words.
“Swallowed?”
“Yeah,” he admitted, red faced. “Or licked me clean after, either.”
CJ settled herself on top of Leo and kissed him. He ran his hands over her back, down over her buttocks, up her sides and down again. “So, Mr. McGarry, how are we feeling this morning?”
“I feel just fine…and so do you,” Leo said as he cupped her cheeks in his hands and squeezed.
“That’s not quite what I meant. Do you feel better, are you…”?
“Yeah. I guess…I do know I’d feel a lot better kissing you this morning.”
“Yeah?” CJ leaned down and kissed Leo. He lifted his head, deepening the kiss, stroking the roof of her mouth with his tongue. They kissed until they had to breathe, then plunged in again. Leo rolled to his side taking CJ with him, mouths never separating. He reached down and gently parted her thighs. CJ groaned and pulled him on top of her and they made love until they were sated and fell asleep again in the morning sunshine.

Abbey walked into Leo’s bedroom after knocking and receiving no answer. She stopped when she saw them tangled together, still sleeping. She smiled and walked back to the door, then yelled out, “Breakfast in thirty minutes,” then loudly closed the door behind her. Leo and CJ both jerked awake and stared at the door. They looked at each other and grinned. Leo rolled over onto his back and CJ moved to the edge of the bed and stood stretching her long naked body. Leo sighed and got up.
“Race you to the shower,” he teased as he moved to the bathroom.
“Nah, we’ll just share,” CJ offered as she slowly walked in behind Leo.
“Sounds like a plan,” Leo said as he walked in and turned on the water. They showered with a minimum of kissing and hugging and dressed. Leo tossed CJ a pair of flannel pants and a Michigan t-shirt and he dressed in sweatpants and a Michigan sweatshirt.
They went out to the kitchen where Abbey and Stanley were finishing breakfast.
“Wow, that smells good,” CJ said as she grabbed a piece of bacon off the platter to munch on. Abbey dished up scrambled eggs and Stanley buttered the last piece of toast and placed it on the stack already on a plate, then carried it to the table.
Leo poured a cup of coffee and leaned up against the island, letting the aroma waft up under his nose. He sighed in contentment. He felt wonderful. He had made love to an amazing woman for the first time in a long while, he was at his place in Maine and he had a perfect cup of coffee. What more…
“Leo. Come and eat…” Abbey’s voice interrupted his daydreaming.
“Not hungry Abbey.”
“Tough shit Leo. Sit. Eat.”
He sighed and went to the table and sat next to CJ. He grabbed a couple slices of bacon and some toast. He put the bacon on the toast and squirted some ketchup on the bread and made a sandwich. He took a big bite and glared at Abbey. “Happy?”
“Ya could have some eggs too.”
“Don’t push yer luck, Abbey.” Leo finished his breakfast and poured another cup of coffee. “Stanley? Are you going to torture me again today?”
“Yes sir. As soon as I finish eating and help Mrs. Bartlet clear up.”
“Peachy,” Leo smirked as he headed to his study. He looked at CJ and mouthed ‘thank you’ and smiled as she flushed pink and dropped her eyes.
“CJ?” He waited until she looked up. “Have lunch with me later?”
She nodded and glared at Abbey who was poking her in the ribs. Leo laughed and went into his den with his coffee. Leo closed the door behind him and stepped over to the sofa when the world tilted and colored lights filled his vision. ‘God, not again,’ he thought as the coffee cup slipped from his fingers. The room suddenly seemed too silent as the roaring in his ears beat in rhythm to his racing heartbeat. Nausea twisted his gut, then it was over, just as the many times before.
He sat down on the sofa as his knees gave way, holding his head in his hands. Stanley walked in a few minutes later while Leo was still holding his head.
“Leo? What’s wrong,” he asked as he walked in and kicked the coffee cup on the floor? He looked down and noticed the dark stain where the coffee had spilled.
“Leo?”
Leo jumped as if he had just heard Stanley. “What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Uh…yeah. I’m…fine.”
“No. You’re not. Your shoulders are up around your ears and you are trembling. What happened?”
Leo sighed and sat back on the sofa. Stanley walked around and sat a few feet away on the other side. Leo’s hands were clenched in his lap and his breathing was too fast. When he turned to look at Stanley and met his eyes, Stanley felt a stab of concern. Leo’s eyes were dark and confused looking.
“You can tell me, Leo.”
“I know…it’s just…” Leo grimaced and wrenched his hands apart, gesturing in the air, “I don’t know what happened. That’s the problem…I…”
“Just describe it to me, Leo. Just tell me how you feel…”
“That’s it Stanley…I don’t know how I feel…this is different, like…it’s in my head but it’s not ‘in’ my head…”
“Let’s change our direction here for a minute. Okay. Just relax, Leo. Sit back, yup, like that, just take a deep breath.”
Leo sat back again and rested his head on the back of the cushion and took a deep shaky breath.
“So tell me what happened last night. With you and CJ.”
Leo’s head popped up and he stared at Stanley incredulously and he barked out a laugh. “Ha. SO, you couldn’t wait to get to my sex life, huh, Stanley.”
“Perfectly legitimate question, Leo. You have been having disturbing, erotic, highly sexual dreams…and you just spent the night with the object of your dreams…it is perfectly logical to ask what happened.”
“Yeah. Okay…” Leo squirmed on the sofa and faced forward so he could look out to the ocean as talked. “We talked last night…we, uhm…kissed…touched…I told her I wanted to make love to her…I wanted to banish the images in my head with good ones…”
“How do you feel about CJ?”
“Why…what…” Leo sighed. “I don’t think I love CJ, Stanley. I like her a lot…we are, I hope still are, friends…we are colleagues…dammit…she is a beautiful, sexy woman…I am attracted to her physically…and it’s been a hell of a long time since I was with anyone…I just hope to God she doesn’t feel that I used her…”
“I am going to talk to CJ later…but I need to, now, where she fits into this thing with you. I also get the feeling, that there might be someone else in the picture that you don’t want to mention…maybe part of the reason why these dreams involving CJ are so troublesome to you. Anyway…So, is that what is bothering you this morning?”
Leo stared out across the lawn and watched the trees bending in the wind. He was pretty sure he didn’t want to tell Stanley about the ‘thing’ that was happening. He was afraid one more thing and they would cart him off somewhere for electric shock treatments, or something.
“Leo. Did you have another episode…?”
Leo’s head whipped around so fast it made his dizzy for a second. He just stared at Stanley with wide eyes. ‘God, does he know already? Shit…am I going…’ Leo fell, limp, back onto the sofa. He felt heavy as lead. He couldn’t move.
“Yeah.”
“Describe them to me.”
“NO.”
“Leo…”
“NO. No…I…Stanley, I am not crazy…I am…not…am I…am I going insane Stanley? Am I going crazy…” Leo suddenly started crying…tears running down his face and neck as he stared at the ceiling, afraid, unable to move.
“No, Leo. I do not think you are going crazy. You are one of the sanest people I know. But, I need to know what you are experiencing. Leo, all this, maybe, might have a physical cause.”
Leo found the will to look at Stanley. “WHAT?”
“Tell me about the episodes.”
Leo sat back again and closed his eyes. “They just happen…anywhere…I don’t think anything brings them on. I start to feel like I am…not in tune with my body…for a few seconds…then lights…circles, orbs, of color…red... green and yellow…small moving lights. They move across my vision, from right to left…sometimes light will bloom out of nowhere and just fills my vision…sometimes I feel…like I want to throw up, but that usually only last for a few seconds…the whole thing only lasts for a minute or less. Then I feel okay again…a little spacy and weak…but okay.”
“Leo, do you have hallucinations…not…”
Leo jumped up from the couch suddenly and started to pace in front of the glass doors. The secret service agent outside turned suddenly and took a step toward the doors. Stanley held up his hand and he went back to his post. Leo never noticed.
“I am not hallucinating…I mean…”
“Leo…have the dreams ever taken over during the day? Have they become…have you had them while awake?”
Leo stopped pacing and gaped at Stanley with a horrified look on his face. “Yeah,” he groaned and fell back onto the sofa. “Oh God…I am going cr…”
Stanley quickly moved over to sit next to Leo and put a hand on his shoulder. “No. You are not going crazy. Leo, you are having seizures…”
“No. I have not fallen on the ground…”
“Leo, there are all types of seizures. Many are very subtle and no one around you would notice that you were having one…maybe they would just notice that your attention wandered for a moment. That’s what I have seen a couple of times since we have been here. I have just started putting the pieces together.”
“Leo. I want to bring Abbey in here. She needs to ask you some more specific questions.” Just then Lewis opened the door and interrupted. “Dr. Keyworth? Mr. McGarry, your daughter is on your cell phone. She would really like to talk to you.”
Stanley nodded and turned to Leo. “Take a break for a while. Talk to your daughter. I will get Abbey and we will talk soon. Do you need something to drink?”
“Yeah. Coffee would be great,” Leo said as he took the phone from Lewis and the two other men left Leo alone. He took a deep breath and held the phone to his ear. “Mal. Hi, baby. How are you?”
Stanley walked across the room to the sofas by the fireplace and sat across from Abbey. “Where is CJ?”
“Taking a nap. What is wrong, Stanley?” Abbey started to stand, concerned by the look on Stanley’s face.
“Sit, ma’am. Please. We need to talk. We are both going to talk to Leo as soon as he is off the phone. He admits to having ‘episodes’ that I feel, after some research I did on line last night online, are focal seizures.”
“What,” Abbey gasped?
“Yeah. He zones out…says that colored lights move across his vision, sometimes white light completely obscures his vision. He has some nausea, but he is awake the whole time and it only last a minute or so. From his description it, it sounds like they are originating from the occipital lobe and are visual disturbances. At least that’s what it sounds like. I think these dreams are manifesting during the day as hallucinations.”
Abbey sat back with her hand over her mouth. How the hell had she missed this?
“Ma’am. You are a thoracic specialist. Not a neurologist or a psychiatrist. You did not miss anything.”
“I think I did, Stanley. Okay…what could be the cause of these focal seizures? Was that in your reading?”
“Yes, and the most likely cause is…probably some kind of growth…a…tumor.”
“Oh…dear God.”
“Ma’am…Abbey,” Stanley stood and moved over to sit beside her. He took her hand. “Abbey, stop. You cannot, none of us can, be anything but supportive and strong right now. He is balanced on the edge.”
“Of course. It’s just…”
“He is your friend. I know. But it won’t help…”
“I am fine, Stanley. What do we do next?”
“Get him a cup of coffee. He wanted one. After he speaks to his daughter we will talk with him. I need to talk to Lewis about this. I think we are going to need to get him to a hospital, and soon.”
“Okay. Go. Find Lewis. Last I saw he was out front in the driveway. I will make some coffee.”

“Mal, I’m fine. Really. I was just really tired and the President felt I needed a week to recharge my batteries.”
“And you went with no complaint? Not like you, Dad. And when the hell did you buy a house in Maine?”
“Mal,” Leo growled. “Stop. I bought it a couple of years ago…I was thinking ahead to when our terms were over. I might want to stay on the East coast and yet have a place to get away.”
“I’d love to see it,” Mallory said softly.
“And you will. You will be as frequent a visitor as you want.”
“Can I come out now?”
“No, Mal. I’m just here a few more days, then I have to head back. Really. We will come up soon.”
“Okay, Daddy. So are you feeling better…”
Leo wandered around the room as he talked to Mallory, rubbing his head, trying to ward off the encroaching headache he could tell was coming.
Abbey made Leo a cup of coffee after it stopped brewing. She added a few spoons of sugar and put a banana muffin on a plate. Hopefully he would eat it. She grabbed the coffee and sat the plate on top of it so she could knock on his study door. She opened the door when she heard his muffled “come in.”
She saw Leo in front of his desk, waving her in. She held up the coffee and then the muffin and he rolled his eyes at her while still listening to Mallory. Abbey walked over to the round table next to the bookshelves and set the plate and cup down.
Just as she placed the food on the table she heard Leo grunt. She turned just as he collapsed onto the floor, his body rigid. She fell to her knees beside him and yelled, “Stanley. Help.” She could hear Mallory yelling into the phone that lay a few feet away.
“Daddy? Daddy, what happened. Daddy…?”
Abbey quickly turned him onto his side and his muscles relaxed and then started jerking and twitching. She smelled urine as his bladder released. Lewis and Stanley came careening into the room and fell to the floor next to Leo.
“He is having a full tonic-clonic seizure,” Abbey said as she stopped Lewis from restraining him. “No, Lewis. Don’t. He could get hurt if you restrain him,” Abbey said as she let Leo jerk, letting his head lie in her lap. Slowly, his muscles stopped jerking.
“Abbey…please…someone talk to me…” Abbey could hear Mallory still crying into the phone on the floor. Lewis picked it up and handed it to her as Stanley helped Leo to lie on his back.
“Mallory. Stop crying. Your Dad is okay.”
“No he isn’t. Don’t lie to me Abbey. It sounded like he fell. What happened?”
“Mallory, sit down. Take a breath.” Abbey waited a moment until she heard Mallory breath. “Mallory. Your Dad had a seizure…”
“What? Oh my God. Oh…Abbey, what is wrong with him?”
“Mallory, we don’t know for sure. This is the first big seizure he has had, as far as we know. He will be in the hospital very soon and we can find out what is wrong. You should go to your mom’s, okay. Go there and wait. I will call you as soon as possible. Okay?”
“Okay Abbey. Okay. Tell him I love him.”
“I will, Sweetie. Go to your mom’s.”
“Okay.” Mallory hung up the phone and Abbey turned back to Leo. He was just starting to come around and opened his eyes. He looked up into Abbey’s eyes and she could tell he was confused. She pushed his hair back and cupped his cheek.
“How are you doing there, big guy,” Abbey teased, not wanting to let Leo see the fear that consumed her?
“What…oh god…what happened…” Leo groaned as he tried to sit up?
“Leo, you should just lie still for a minute.”
“No, let me sit up,” he groaned as he sat up and leaned against the front of his desk. He looked down into his lap and his face flushed red with embarrassment. “What…did I…” he gestured toward his damp pants.
“It’s normal, Leo, when you have a seizure, for the bladder to relax,” Abbey said carefully not wanting to alarm him too much.
“A seizure, like a grand mal…thing?”
“They call them tonic-clonic now, but yeah. You had a full on seizure, Leo. You have been having focal seizures for a while. Do you remember when they started?”
“Uh…a couple of months…I think. Abbey?”
Abbey swallowed hard and took his hand. “We are going to get you to the hospital. Now. Lewis is getting the Suburban’s ready.”
“I need to change…Abbey…I can’t…’ Leo stammered as CJ burst into the room. She slid to her knees and looked at Leo then Abbey.
“What happened,” she asked as she took his other hand and flinched when she felt his damp pants and smelled the odor of urine. She sought Abbey’s eyes.
“Leo had a seizure. A bad one, CJ. We are taking him to the hospital, as soon as Lewis and Paul get the team together and ready to roll.”
“CJ,” Leo rasped softly, “Get me some dry pants please. A pair of Docker’s and some dry boxers. Please. I don’t want to go like this.”
CJ leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be right back.” CJ stood and left the room. She ran to his closet and grabbed a pair of folded, pressed tan Docker’s from a hangar and went into the room to the chest of drawers she knew he kept his underclothes. She grabbed a pair of boxers and his belt from on top the chest. She also stopped and ran back to the closet and chose a pair of Nike’s.
When she got back to Leo’s study he was sitting one of the chairs at the table. He looked better than he did a few minutes ago. Abbey shoed everyone out of the room. “CJ, help him change. I will be just outside. Yell when you are done.”
“Thanks for preserving my modesty, Abbey,” Leo smirked as she closed the door.
“Watch it there, Sweetie, or I’ll invite everyone in to watch,” she threw back, knowing he was feeling better if he could tease.
CJ smiled and kneeled in front of him. “Stand up and drop the pants, Leo.”
“Yeah, sure. Drop the pants, Leo, she says,” he groused, but he stood and lowered the sweatpants and boxers to the floor and sat back down. CJ pulled them off his feet, checking to make sure his socks had not been soaked. She pulled the fresh boxers over his feet then pulled the Dockers over his feet and stood up. She gave him her hand, “Okay, stand up.”
Leo glared at her but stood up, still a little shaky. CJ leaned down and grabbed the boxers and Dockers together and pulled them up to his waist. Leo rearranged the boxers then buttoned and zipped up the pants. CJ threaded the belt through the loops and Leo fastened it. CJ noticed that he buckled the pants two holes past the worn one, realizing he had lost a lot of weight.
Leo sat back down on the chair and CJ put his shoes on. Abbey came back into the room carrying Leo and CJ’s coats and wearing her own. Stanley walked in, also with his coat on, and stood next to Leo. “Okay, sir. CJ and I are going to walk you to the car,” he said as CJ fastened her coat.
Leo growled, “I can walk like a big boy, Stanley.”
“Yup, and you can fall down like a big boy, if you have another seizure. So just shut up and give me your arm.”
Leo shot daggers at him, but allowed Stanley to take his arm. Muttering under his breath. ‘Shitty bedside manner there, Stanley.’
“I heard that.”
“Yeah,” Leo sighed and let CJ and Stanley walk him through the house and outside. Three Suburban’s idled in the drive, all spewing vapor from their exhausts in the cold air. Lewis opened the door to the second Suburban in line and motioned to Abbey and Leo.
“Ma’am. I need you with Mr. McGarry, as you are an MD. Ms. Cregg and Dr. Keyworth will be behind you in the next car. We cannot put you all in the same vehicle for security reasons.”
“I understand, Lewis.”
Lewis nodded. “Your lead agent, Deacon, myself, Agent’s Chen and Cruze will accompany you.” Lewis helped Leo climb into the truck and into the second row of seats. Cruze slid behind the wheel while Tommy Chen rode shotgun. Lewis took the seat behind Leo and Deacon the one behind his charge, Abbey.
The two other cars were loaded with all but three of the agents who would stay to guard the house. The fourth Suburban would stay with them. The motorcade moved down the driveway and out onto the street. Lewis spoke up from the back.
“Ma’am, we have been in contact with Northern Light Maine Coast Hospital
in Ellsworth. They have a team standing by in the ER. At the speed limit this a forty-minute drive. I am hoping to make it in under thirty. I don’t want to be on the road for too long,” Lewis explained and Abbey understood why.
Leo sat back in the seat holding Abbey’s hand. He tried to calm his breathing and not think about what could be wrong. He was scared to death, but he was damned if he was going to show it.
The cars sped along, eerily quiet with no sirens, just blue lights flashing. Cruze drove as fast as he could, but on the winding stretches of road he had to slow down considerably. On ME-3 he could boost it up to 50mph and even 60 mph but it was still not as quick as Lewis wished they could go. He was afraid that Leo was a ticking time bomb.
Cruze finally pulled onto US-1 and drove through the town of Ellsworth. After a minute he pulled off to the right onto Beals Ave, according to the Street sign. Cruze had to slow down on the narrow almost single lane street. As he crossed Main St. watching the GPS display on the dash and turned sharply right and continued on up Union Street, Leo suddenly clenched Abbey’s hand and grunted and his body jerked, his back arched in a rigid rictus as another seizure engulfed him.
“Lewis,” Abbey screamed as just as suddenly Leo’s body relaxed and his arms and legs jerked and spasmed. Lewis flew over the back of the seat so he could help Abbey try to keep Leo from breaking an arm or a leg. They tried to keep him from hitting anything, yet not restrain him at the same time.
“Cruze?”
“We’re here,” Cruze yelled back as he screeched to a stop in front of the ER doors. He leaned on the horn as he almost slid into the back of the lead Suburban. The ER doors flew open and four people in scrubs came running out to the car.
Agent Chen had exited the car as soon as it stopped moving and went around to open the back door where Leo had been seated. He was jerking spasmodically as Chen reached in and hauled Leo out of the back seat and four other agents each grabbed a leg and the fifth his head. The doctor who had ran out of the ER was trying to get a carotid pulse as he ran with the agents into the ER.
As they burst through the doors a nurse ushered them into the trauma room and they placed Leo on a stretcher. A team of doctors and nurses swarmed the stretcher and the agents backed away and went about securing the area. Lewis was talking to a man in a suit and he lead them to the waiting area where Lewis had CJ, Abbey and Stanley take a seat. The man in the suit walked over to Abbey.
“Dr. Bartlet, I am the Director of Emergency Services, Bob Jenkins. Let me know if I can get you anything at all. Coffee, food, blankets. Anything.”
Abbey reached out to take his hand. “Thank you. We are fine for now. And this is Dr. Keyworth and CJ Cregg.”
“Ah, yes. Ms. Cregg, I recognize you. Dr. Keyworth. Okay, if you require anything or need me, just let the young man at the desk know.”
They thanked him and then sat, huddled together, waiting.
“What are they doing, Abbey,” CJ asked?
“Examining him, taking vitals, starting an IV, giving him medication…we just have to wait and see.”
Forty minutes later a tall man in a lab coat walked into the waiting area. He walked up to the trio and sat across from Abbey. “Dr. Bartlet. I am Nathan Gordon. They called me in specifically when Mr. McGarry was examined. I am one of the neurosurgeons on staff.”
“Dr. Gordon, thank you. What can you tell us?”
“Mr. McGarry, obviously came in having a tonic-clonic seizure. He is stable now and resting quietly. We gave him a light sedative to calm him down. His pupils are uneven, which is a concern, possibly pressure in the brain, bleeding maybe. I do not think he has had a stroke. We are going to send him for an MRI as soon as the magnet is available. I suspect a mass, possibly in the occipital region. He has told me of the symptoms he has been having.”
“That is what Dr. Keyworth and I have come to believe also. We just planning on bringing him in when he had the first seizure. Dr. Keyworth here is a trauma specialist and this is CJ Cregg, she is the White House…”
“Press Secretary. Yes, I know. May I ask why a trauma specialist was with you?”
Stanley nodded and spoke. “Mr. McGarry has been having some issues and I was called in to talk to him…”
“He told me about the dreams and flashbacks, which are probably being caused by a tumor…”
“Yes,” Stanley interrupted. And Mr. McGarry has dealt with PTSD since he was a pilot in Vietnam, in addition to some other events over the years. At first we thought it was a PTSD event…obviously, we came to a different conclusion after we realized he was having focal seizures.”
“Yes. And good catch, by the way. Well,” he stood, I really have no more news until we get the MRI and blood work back. You may want to get some food and maybe we can set you up somewhere more comfortable than these hard chairs; this could be a while.” He shook hands around and left.
Abbey called over to her lead agent Paul and motioned him over. “Paul, can you check with the Director and see about getting us a more comfortable room and maybe some coffee and sandwiches or something? Mr. McGarry is going for testing and may be a while.”
“Yes, Ma’am. I am not comfortable with you in this open an area. We will get you a private waiting room and I will ask the Director to provide the food.” Paul spoke into his wrist mic and walked over to the front desk to talk with the clerk there. A few minutes later the director showed up and spoke with Paul and Lewis. They decided that the first lady’s agents would go with them to the waiting room and Leo’s team would stay with him wherever he went.
Abbey, CJ and Stanley were soon surrounded and escorted from the general waiting area by the agents with the ER director leading the way. He had them board a freight elevator at the back of the ER and they went up a few floors and were escorted into a waiting area lined with soft chairs, a few couches, some tables with chairs and a flat screen TV on the wall.
“Ma’am,” Bob Jenkins turned to speak. “This is one of our surgical waiting areas. We have closed it down for your use. I have my secretary getting coffee and sandwiches and soup sent up from the kitchen. It should be here shortly. Again, if you need anything, have me paged. There is a reception desk around the corner and they are aware of your presence.”
“Thank you so much, Mr. Jenkins. We do appreciate your thoughtfulness.”
“My pleasure, Dr. Bartlet.”
Abbey’s agents spread around the room and a couple went out into the hall to keep nosy visitors away. Fifteen minutes later one of agents escorted in a young man pushing a cart. He moved it over against the wall by one of the tables. On top was large coffee urn with cups, milk and sugar on one side and the other held an extra-large thermos.
From the shelf underneath he pulled out a tray covered with a napkin and placed it on the table with a stack of plates and cutlery. Then he placed a stack of bowls on the table and turned to Abbey.
“Ma’am. In the thermos is clam chowder. We have three types of sandwiches; ham and cheese, roast beef and turkey.” He turned and placed condiments on the table as well. “If you need refills of anything, let the desk know around the corner and I will bring up more.”
“Thank you so much. What is your name?”
The young man blushed and grinned. “Jamie, ma’am.”
“Well, Jamie, thank you again. It looks delicious.”
Jamie almost bowed his way out of the room as he left. CJ giggled. “Abbey, the poor kid almost fainted.”
“I know. Oh, well. Let’s eat. It really does look good.”

In the ER, Lewis stepped into the trauma room where Leo had been taken. Leo was lying on the stretcher in the middle of the room with his head to the side. He was hooked up to an EKG monitor and had IV’s in both hands. He had an oxygen cannula under his nose and a nurse was checking the EKG leads under his gown. His bare feet were sticking out from under the blanket that covered him.
“Sir,” Lewis said softly?
Leo turned his head and smiled when he saw Lewis. “Hey, Lewis. What’s up?”
He turned to the nurse. “Can we talk, please?”
“Yes, as long as I am in the room. He cannot be left alone.”
“Okay, uhm…”
“Patient privacy, sir. I cannot repeat anything that he says in this room. Go ahead.”
Lewis nodded and leaned on the railing of the stretcher. “Sir…Leo…I am truly sorry about all of this. I…”
“Frank, stop. Not any of this is even remotely your fault. I just want to thank you for following me and making sure I was not alone when all this went down.”
Frank lowered his head and sighed. “Yes sir. Me to.”
“Do me a big favor, Frank?”
“Anything.”
“Cover my feet; they are like ice blocks.”
Lewis laughed and pulled the blanket down and tucked it around Leo’s feet. “Better.”
“Yeah.”
“So, I know they are taking you for an MRI soon. Sir, if it is a…ya know…tumor…what do you want to do? Stay here, or go back to DC? I kinda need a head’s up if we are going to be heading back to DC.”
“I’m not sure Frank. They are pretty sure it is a tumor…and I will more than likely need surgery, and a lot more. I would rather be home for that, at GW. That’s my preference. So maybe get things rolling…”
“I will make enquiries, sir. I think the President would prefer to have you at home, too. Just hang in there. I am praying for this to be something else, sir.”
“Thanks, Lewis. Me to.”

Two hours later, Leo was put in a room on the neuro-surg floor at the end of the hall where the secret service could maintain security. He was in bed, almost asleep, when Abbey, CJ and Stanley were led into the room. He sat up so he could talk with them.
“So, I guess you talked to the surgeon, Abbey. You know what’s going on.”
“Yeah. I am so sorry, Leo. He told us it was a tumor, in the right side of the occipital lobe and it was quite large, like the size of a small egg. But he did say that it had well defined borders and could very possibly be benign, was even likely to be benign.”
“Yeah, but they have to take it out. It can’t stay and get any bigger and it could turn malignant, even if it isn’t now. Abbey,” Leo held out his hand and she took it in her own. I could be blind after the surgery. It is a very real complication.”
CJ bit her lip so she didn’t cry out. Stanley looked on with a grim expression. “Yes, he told me. But Leo, it is a risk I think you have to take. You could die if it got bigger or if turned malignant. Being blind is better than being dead.”
“Tell it like it is, huh doc?”
“Leo…”
“I know. Yeah. I will have the surgery. But I want to go back to DC. I know these guys are supposed to be good, but I’d like to have my friends and family around me. I don’t want to do this alone.”
“I agree. I know most of the staff at GW. I will make some calls. They are going to have to set up a whole slew of tests…more bloodwork, probably a nuclear scan and a lot more…” She paused. “Leo, I have to tell Jed. You know I do.”
Leo stared at his hands and tried not to cry. He knew his best friend had to know. “Call him, Abbey. Let him know. Lewis has already been in contact with Ron about getting me back.”
“Okay. I am going to go back to the waiting area they set aside for us. Stanley,” she nodded towards the door, hoping to give Leo and CJ some time alone. CJ moved over and sat in the chair next to his bed. She reached out and took his hand.
“CJ, thank you for being here. And thank you for, ya know…helping me…”
“Leo. It’s okay. And you are welcome. So, I guess I am just a figment of your tumor’s imagination…”
“CJ…I…god I am so sorry…”
“Leo. Stop. We are fine. We are two adults, Leo. We both knew we didn’t love each other when we went in to this. It was a nice…interlude…and I hope it helped you…and I had a wonderful night with a man I admire and respect. And now you need to let that someone I know you really love, just how much you mean to her.”
“What?”
“You mumble in your sleep, Leo.”
Leo’s eyes opened wide as he realized that CJ had heard something he had hoped she had not. “Oh. Uhm…yeah.”
“You need to talk to her before this surgery Leo. Let her know how you feel. What happened between us, stays in Maine. I am sure Abbey and Stanley agree. Call her.” CJ stood and kissed Leo on the cheek and left the room. Leo fell back on the bed and tried to hold back the fear that gripped him. He had never said anything to the woman he loved for a dozen reasons…all too well known to everyone…the alcoholism, the pills, his job, his age and many more reasons. Now he was getting ready to add blindness to the list. ‘Oh yeah, that makes me a real catch. No way can I tell her how I feel now.’

Abbey sat on the couch in the waiting area and waited for the hospital operator to give her an open line. She dialed the Residence number and waited.
“Abbey? Ron said you would be calling. How is Leo?”
“Sit down, Jed. Let me know when you are ready.”
Jed dropped to the sofa, his legs suddenly like jelly when he heard the tone of Abbey’s voice. “Jed, he has a brain tumor.”
Jed gasped and an icy fear gripped his heart. “No.”
“Jed, yes. It is in the back of his brain and has probably been there a long time. The neurosurgeon and the radiologist both think it may be benign because of the way it presented on the MRI. He has to have surgery…honey, he could be left blind.”
“Oh, Abbey. No.”
“He wants to come back to DC for the surgery, he wants to be home. He wants his family and his friends to be nearby. He is scared, honey, he is really scared.”
“Oh, Abbey. I want him to be here too. I am going to talk to Ron and have Air Force Two sent to bring you all back. Is he okay to travel?”
“I think so, but the seizures are coming more frequently now. He had another one after the MRI…that’s three today. He will need a medical team on board. I am going to talk to some people at GW. I think we can get one of the neuro teams to travel out with the plane and be with him on the ride back.”
“It’s done. I am going to get Ron up here and make arrangements. Is he okay, Abbey?”
“He is scared, but he knows he has to have the surgery…he is not thinking about the possible complications right now.”
“Abbey, go and hug him for me. Tell him much I love him and that I will see him soon.”
“I will. Call me when you know the details. I will call GW now.”

Leo was admitted into the ER on Wednesday and on Friday afternoon they were preparing him for the drive to the airport. Lewis argued that the armored Suburban’s be used, but the doctors won the argument and Leo would be transported in an ambulance with a secret service escort. The agents at Leo’s house were to close up the house and they would drive back to DC. The remaining agents, including Abbey’s detail, along with Abbey, CJ and Stanley would accompany Leo back to DC on SAM 28000, the call sign for Air Force One when the President was not on board, and that was not for want of his trying.
The President had called Leo early that morning and they finally had time to talk.
“Good morning, sir.”
“So help me, Leo…”
“Jed, calm down. Please.”
“Yeah. Just, when we are talking about my best friend’s health, I prefer him to call me by my name.”
“Jed?”
“Yeah.”
“They said it is probably benign. I am not going to die. If it is not benign, they will take all they can and then I will have chemo or radiation to kill the rest. They have a lot of test scheduled…they will not be going in blind…” Leo stopped suddenly.
“Abbey told me…about the complications. Are you gonna be…”
“I don’t know…yet…but I do know that blind is better than the alternative…”
“You can still do your job you know…”
“Jed…”
“You have a brilliant mind, Leo. You don’t need to see the jackasses faces to cut them off at the knees.”
“Well, it helps if you can see your opponent. Jed, the ton of stuff I have to read and know…Look, let’s not talk about it…not now.”
“Ya know, Margaret is your right arm…she could be your eyes too…”
“Jed…god, how am I gonna tell her?”
“You’ll find a way…she is gonna be on the plane…talk to her…Oh, and I sent Mallory too.”
“God Dammit, Jed.”
“You’re welcome…I will see you before the surgery...I made Ron promise…”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”

Leo lost the battle to walk out of the hospital and was wheeled through the halls in a wheelchair navigated by Lewis as Abbey, CJ and Stanley trailed behind along with eight secret service agents. Leo grumbled under his breath about being treated lie an invalid, until Abbey told him to shut the hell up and enjoy the ride. They proceeded through the halls of the hospital until they arrived at the ER where an ambulance waited to take Leo the thirty miles to Bangor International Airport.
A nurse and a neuro resident on staff plus a paramedic settled Leo on a stretcher in the back of the ambulance. He was strapped in and the resident took a seat next to him. Lewis climbed in the back along with the nurse and paramedic and Cruze sat up front with the driver.
Abbey, CJ and Stanley, along with the remaining agents climbed into the three waiting Suburban’s and the caravan headed out. They wound through the streets of the town and were soon on the 1A headed for Bangor. A half an hour later they were being directed through a secure area, then they headed for the Whiskey apron where the 747 designated SAM 28000 was waiting for the motorcade.
The ambulance and Suburban’s pulled alongside the plane and doors flew open as agents piled out of the vehicles. Abbey was surrounded and whisked up the boarding stairs with CJ and Stanley following behind. When they were all aboard, the back of the ambulance opened and just as Leo was sitting up on the stretcher he grunted and fell back, back arched and muscles clenched before he began to thrash in the throes of another seizure.
The nurse, resident and Lewis stayed with him, making sure he didn’t hurt himself until the seizure passed. On the plane an agent ran to find the two neurosurgeon and surgical resident from GW who were going to babysit Leo on the trip to DC. They were hurried out of the plane and to the ambulance as Abbey watched Mallory and Margaret peer out of the windows onto the runway.
“Abbey? What’s wrong?” Mallory stood and headed down the hall toward the exit but was stopped in her tracks by an agent. The agent spoke into his wrist mic and turned to the First Lady. “Sorry, ma’am, but Mr. McGarry apparently had another seizure. The doctors are with him.”
Mallory dropped into her chair and Margaret took her in her arms. “Shhhh. He will be okay. There are plenty of doctors around.”
“I don’t understand why he is having these seizures. Why won’t anyone tell us anything? Those two doctors just huddled together looking at strange images and paperwork the whole trip here.”
Abbey reached over and touched her knee. “Your dad is going to be okay and he will tell you all about it once we get him settled in for the trip.”
Twenty minutes later Leo was escorted onboard and settled in his usual onboard office for the trip. His office had a sitting area with a sofa and some soft chairs. The nurse settled Leo onto the sofa and covered him with a blanket while he glared at her. He thanked her as she said good bye and good luck and left the plane with the resident to return to the hospital.
The two doctors from George Washington Hospital took his vitals, asked him how he felt and settled into two of the chairs for takeoff. Mallory and Margaret were let into the room and after several minutes of hugging and crying, they were seated, belted in and the pilot came on over the intercom.
“Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. We will be taking off shortly. Our flight to DC is approximately two hours and 20 minutes. The weather is clear. Sit back and relax.”
Margaret glared at the intercom and mumbled under her breath and Leo couldn’t help but laugh. “Thanks, Margaret. I need that.”
“Needed what?”
“Nothing,” Leo laughed again as the plane taxied to the end of the runway. Minutes later the plane was in the air and seat belts came off as people moved around the cabin. Leo glanced at Mallory and Margaret and knew he had to have the talk with them that he really didn’t want to have.
“Mal. Margaret. Are you okay?”
“Daddy,” Mallory moaned. You are the who is…sick…and you still worry…”
“Mal. Stop. Listen…just listen…” Leo went on to explain what had been going on for the last couple of months, although, of course, he left out the exact details of his ‘bad dreams’. He told them almost everything he thought they needed to know, right up to two days ago.
“While we were on the phone I had the first bad seizure. At the hospital they did an MRI. I…I have a tumor…a brain tumor. It’s in the back of my head…” he sighed and tried to relax his too tense body back into the sofa. He rubbed his forehead and flinched when he again heard the strangled gasp that had emerged from Margaret’s throat.
Mallory sat frozen for all of two seconds then launched herself into her father’s lap, sobbing and clutching at him. Leo couldn’t stop the tears that forced their way into the open and down his cheeks. He hated it when Mallory cried, an as usual, he was the cause of some of those tears. His and hers.
“Mal…baby…please…” he whispered as he looked over at Margaret. Except for the strangled sob she had choked back minutes ago, she had said nothing. She stared at her white-knuckled, clenched hands, twisted in her lap. Leo watched in fascination as a tear fell from her eyes and splashed then splattered on her white thumb. He watched as it trailed down her skin, followed by another a few seconds later.
Mallory released her hold on Leo and sat back a little and kissed his cheek. She moved to the sofa and sat plastered up against him as they both watched Margaret. She felt their eyes on her and looked up. Her tear filled eyes were glazed with worry and Leo felt a cold grip on his heart. He’d hurt her again. Never mind that he never intended to, he had hurt her again.
Margaret took a steadying breath and asked the question that Mallory couldn’t ask yet. “Is it…”
Leo jumped into the pause. “No. No, they don’t think it is…malignant,” Leo stumbled over the word and he felt Mallory shudder. They think it is benign because it seems to have very defined borders…is contained…they said it could become malig…it could change, if left in.” He stopped and tried to stop the trembling in his voice.
“They think I have had it for a long time…it has been …growing, and now has gotten large enough, over the last months, to exert a lot of pressure on the surrounding…tissue.” He stopped again. He sighed. It has to come out. Leaving it in will only make the symptoms…the hallucinations, the seizures…worse.”
Margaret spoke for the first time; timidly. “When will you have the surgery?”
“They want to do a full work up once I get to GW. CAT scan, another MRI, a lot of bloodwork, other stuff.”
Margaret nodded, then asked the question Leo hoped she wouldn’t, but knew she would. “Are there…do they expect…complications…from the surgery.” She still had not looked Leo in the eyes, until now when she sensed his hesitation…his worry. “Leo?”
“Yeah. Uhm…the usual complications from having your head opened up. Sorry…” he had felt Mallory tense at his casual response. “Yeah. Okay. Aside from the expected things, I could…I could lose…” he dropped his head. I could lose my sight. I could be blind, because of where the tumor is. In the…occ…back of my brain where the sight center is located.”
Neither Mallory nor Margaret reacted to this latest revelation for a few long ragged breaths, then Mallory abruptly stood and ran from the room. Leo fell back on the sofa and closed his eyes. He heard the rustle of clothing as Margaret stood and he expected she was leaving too until he felt her drop onto the sofa next to him. She sat as close, maybe even closer, than Mallory had. Then he felt her head on his shoulder. She took his hand and held it in both of hers. When he felt, rather than heard, the small sob that escaped her, he lost what fragile hold he had on his emotions. He pulled his hand from Margaret’s and wrapped his arms around her. They held each other as they cried and worried and wondered.

“Why didn’t he say something, Abbey? Why does he always have to deal with shit all by himself. Why does he have to be Mr. Macho, I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, McGarry. I hate that about him sometimes, Abbey. I hate that he can’t let us help him. That he refuses our worry…DAMMIT,” she stopped pacing and sat down hard across from Abbey’s seat.
“Mallory. That is your Dad. He will doubtless never change. He feels it is his role to worry for everyone else, and take care of everyone else and be the guy for everyone else. That is your father. All you can do is be there for him. Ignore what he says he doesn’t need and be there for the things he does need. He needs you. Never doubt that.”
Malloy sniffed and rubbed her eyes. “I know. But it makes so…mad.”
Abbey chuckled. “Me too. So let’s be mad at him together and take care of him and love him. Okay?”
Mallory smiled. “Okay,” she said as she next to Abbey and laid her head on her shoulder as Abbey wrapped her arm around Mallory.

Margaret and Leo sat quietly; the tears had run their course and now they just held hands and breathed. Margaret had about a thousand things she wanted to ask and say; but she didn’t. Leo knew she had to say and ask about a million things. She was Margaret, after all. He was surprised she didn’t ask or say, but sat leaning against him. Soon, he couldn’t take the quiet anymore.
“So. Did Jed…” he sighed as he slipped again. He was doing that a lot lately and it bothered him. Did the President talk to you before he had you put on the plane?”
Margaret tipped her head to look at him. “About what?”
“Well, he said some things to me…and I thought he might have pestered you with the same ideas. That’s all.”
“What things?”
“Nothing…”
“Leo…”
He sighed. “I’m not sure I want to talk about it.”
“Just tell me. You brought it up. Don’t make me crazy.”
Leo smirked. He loved pestering and making Margaret crazy. “Hey. It’s one of my perks.”
“Just shut up and talk.”
Leo sat for a minute, trying to figure out how to talk about what the future might be like if… “Margaret, if the…there is a possibility, I told you, that I could be blind…wait…hear me out…If I am, left blind, Je…the President says he still needs me to be here. To still do the job…of Chief of Staff…he wants you to be my eyes…that’s what he said…I don’t expect you to do that…”
“If that’s what it takes...if you want me to…I would do that for you, Leo. In a heartbeat. You know that.”
“That is so entirely unfair to you Margaret. You work most of the hours in a day as it is…this would entail even more…where does it end…do you walk me like a dog…”
“Leo. Stop. Don’t think about it now. It is a possibility…not a certainty…”
“Yeah. Okay. But…I just want you to know I don’t expect you to…ya know…”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” But Margaret had already made up her mind. She would do anything for Leo…anything it took, whatever he needed. Just let him try and wiggle out of it.
Leo knew she had already made up her mind. He could feel the certainty coming off her in waves. She’d never let him wiggle out of it.

“Ladies and gentleman, please take your seats and buckle up. We will on the ground soon,” the pilot intoned over the intercom. Margaret stood and moved to a chair to buckle in as the two doctors checked Leo out; they took his blood pressure and moved him to a chair to buckle in also. They took chairs near to him and settled in for the landing. Mallory didn’t come back into his office and Leo wondered if she was still truly mad at him. Twenty minute later they were on the ground at Andrews Air Force base and taxiing to where a motorcade and an ambulance were waiting for Leo.
After the plane was on the ground and stopped moving, rolling stairs were moved up to the plane and people started to deplane. Abbey and Mallory went into Leo’s on board office to see how he was doing. After hugs were exchanged and Mallory apologized Leo was walked out of the plane and placed in the ambulance for the thirty-minute ride to George Washington Hospital. Lewis, the two doctors and Mallory rode with him.
The whole motorcade pulled up to the Emergency Entrance at GW and was immediately assaulted by the press and the bright flashes of cameras. The Secret Service agents pushed back the small crowd. “Is it the First Lady? Who is injured? Why is this being kept quiet,” were a few of the questions called out. Abbey, CJ and Stanley were led to the ER entrance while the agents and the doctors moved Leo as quickly as they could.
Leo was immediately put into an ER room and the door shut to inquiring eyes. Within the hour he was upstairs in the security wing and he was not happy. He despised the backless gown they put him in after taking his clothes away. The TV in his room was broken and he was in CNN withdrawal. The meal they brought him was Jello, broth and decaf coffee. The room had no phone and his cell phone was still in Maine. All in all, he was pissed off and about to blow a gasket.
“I swear to God, if I don’t get a cup of real goddamn coffee and a phone I am walking out of here with my ass flapping in the breeze.”
“Leo. Sit down and stop being a pain in the butt,” Abbey told him for the third time in as many minutes. Leo stopped and climbed back into the hospital bed and pulled the sheet over his legs. The door to his room opened and Margaret walked in with a duffle bag, a plastic shopping bag and a stack of magazines.
“Where the hell have you been,” Leo roared at her?
Margaret stopped in her tracks and glared at Leo. “If you yell at me, I swear to God I am leaving, and I am taking your pajamas, robe, glasses and these magazines back to your house.”
Leo shut up and laid back on the bed while Margaret opened the bag and laid out his clothing on the bed and hung up a change of clothes and then stuffed changes of boxers in a drawer. She then thrust the pajamas at him along with a pair of boxers. “Go change.” He got up silently and went into the bathroom, pulling the door closed more quietly than either Margaret or Abbey expected. They looked at each other and giggled.
After Leo changed and climbed back in the bed, a nurse came in pushing a stand with laptop on it. She left and came back pushing a cart loaded down with supplies. She set about starting an IV in his left hand then took his temperature, pulse and blood pressure. Next she took a medical history that took almost half an hour. “Mr. McGarry, you are on a liquid diet because your surgery is pending. We are just waiting for some of the testing to be completed tomorrow and most likely you will have surgery on Sunday morning. The doctors do not want to delay any more than necessary. Is there anything I can get you?”
“Please, can I have a cup of real coffee? That is all I am asking for.”
The nurse smiled and looked at Margaret. “There is a 24 hour Starbucks downstairs. No cream or milk though. Has to be black coffee.”
Margaret smiled and looked at Leo who nodded at her with a gleam in his eye. “Make it a venti, Margaret.” She raised an eyebrow at him and left.

Later that night, Leo moaned in his sleep and thrashed his legs under the covers. Margaret woke from her light sleep in the chair by his bed. She stood and went to his side, gently taking his hand and murmuring soft words of comfort until he quieted. She pulled her chair closer so she could hold his hand while he slept. She dozed off in the chair again until Leo’s moaning woke her. She sat up and reached out to rub his shoulder, trying to comfort him when he woke with a gasp.
He sat up in the bed, eyes a little wild until he saw Margaret sitting at his bedside. He fell back in the bed and rubbed his face. “Margaret. What time is it?”
“It’s early morning…about four o’clock.”
He gaped at her, realizing she was still with him in the wee hours of the morning. “What are you still doing here?”
Margaret looked down at her hands then back up at Leo. “I didn’t want you to be alone. I wanted to…make sure you were comfortable.”
Leo reached out and took Margaret’s hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. He stared at the ceiling. He was glad Margaret was with him. She was the one person who knew him better than anyone. She could read him like a book. His moods, his thoughts, when he was ready to blow and was always ready with the right word or joke or look. He turned to look at her, suddenly realizing that after his surgery he might never be able to look at her again.
She looked up into his eyes just as they began to shimmer with tears. Her eyes widened and filled with tears too, not knowing why he was crying and unable to stop herself.
“Leo, what’s wrong?” He gripped her hand tighter and rubbed his face with his other hand.
“It’s nothing. I am okay. Nothing…”
“Bullshit, Leo. You don’t cry over nothing, Leo. As a matter of fact, you almost never cry. So what is wrong.”
Leo dropped his eyes and looked at his feet. He took a breath and then looked back up into Margaret’s eyes. He was scared. Really scared. He could admit that. He knew he could handle anything and if he was left sightless, then he would tackle it and change his life again and go on. But the thought of never seeing Margaret, or Mallory or Jed, and Abbey, ever again, left him breathless and sad. The thought of never seeing Margaret again…never grinning at her pointed stares, watching her lips pout when she was mad, never seeing the daggers in her beautiful blue eyes…that left him bereft and anguished.
“I just realized…that after this surgery I might never be able to…see you again. That I could never see your smile, or your eyes…or…and I never…I never told you how I feel…” Leo reached out and cupped her cheek in his palm and wiped away an errant tear with his thumb.
“I have never told you how I feel, Margaret…and now it is too late…not right…not the right time…I…” Leo stammered and his eyes widened as Margaret swooped in and captured his lips with her own. For a split second Leo froze. In the next second he reached out and pulled Margaret onto the bed with him as she thrust her tongue into his mouth and he caressed it with his own.
Neither Leo not Margaret was aware how long they kissed and touched and hugged and caressed until they flew apart when the door opened and a cleared throat got their attention. What they didn’t know was, that it was the third, rather loud, throat clearing that finally got them to part.
Both Leo and Margaret whipped their heads around to see Abbey standing in the doorway with a smirk on her face. Leo groaned and Margaret leapt off the bed blushing.
“About time, you two,” Abbey remarked as she sat in the chair next to Leo’s bed. “Margaret, go home. Sleep. I know you will back in the morning, but not too early. Leo will be having a slew of tests in the morning. Go,” Abbey shooed with her hand.
Margaret stood looking at Leo, not sure if she should leave or not. Leo held his hand out for hers and brought it to his lips. He kissed her hand then let go and nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Margaret whispered. She grabbed her things, looking at Leo then Abbey, then Leo again, sighed and left.
Abbey turned on Leo with delight etched on her face. “Details. Now, Leo.”
Leo glared at her, determined not to say a word, but when he thought about what had prompted the kiss tonight, ‘kisses’ he amended in his head, he felt himself tear up again.
“Leo,” Abbey questioned softly?
“I, uh…I was, uhm, just…I looked at her. I looked at Margaret and suddenly I realized that if something happened after the surgery…if I did lose…you know…I might not ever see her…be able to look at her, ever again.”
“Oh. Leo,” Abbey held his hands as tears streamed down his face. He pulled his hands away and angrily wiped at his face.
“Leo. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be scared. It’s also okay to be in love with Margaret.”
Leo glared at her, not sure what he was angrier about. Yeah, he was scared. He would have been an idiot not to be scared about the surgery and his future. Did he love Margaret? Yeah, he had loved her for a long time, but was Abbey right? Was he in love with Margaret? Was he well and truly ‘in love’ with her? He knew he didn’t want to ever have to try existing without her. He knew if he could never look at her and see her laugh, see her smile, see her glare at him or put…
The look on Leo’s face told Abbey that he had finally made the connection. She wouldn’t have to whack him with a bat to make him see that he was in love with Margaret and probably had been for a very long time.
“Wow.”
“Yeah, Leo. Wow.”
“Shit.”
“What?”
“Abbey, seriously? What the hell. Ya know I am a pretty sorry catch, especially for someone as wonderful and young and beautiful as Margaret. And now, after this, God Abbey, I could be blind. What the hell kind of life can I give her. Booze, drugs, work from sun up ‘til sundown…that’s all I’ve had to offer her…and now she could be saddled with a blind guy…”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake Leo. Get over it, already. Margaret knows all that and probably plenty that no one else knows about. She loves you…”
“She does not…”
“That wasn’t just a friendly peck on the cheek she was giving you when I walked in. She was kissing you as much as you were kissing her. She loves you, Leo. Anyone with eyes in their head can see it…except you…and her.”
“Abbey…”
“Leo, just shut up and get over it. And stop whining…yes…whining. Everyone knows you are an alcoholic. Everyone knows you abused drugs. Everyone knows you work like a demon, although I suspect that is going to change in the near future…one way or another.
“Can’t you just stop and admit you love her, and need her, and want her…and Leo, it’s okay. You deserve it. She deserves it. No matter what happens after Sunday, no matter the end result, just tell her you love her.”
Abbey stood up and leaned over and kissed Leo on the cheek. She ran her fingers through his hair and stepped away from the bed. “Get some sleep Leo. You have a busy day tomorrow.” Abbey walked to the door and turned to say goodnight, but she stopped and left, closing the door softly while Leo stared into space with a soft smile on his face.

The next day, Margaret made it to the hospital just after one in the afternoon. She had talked to Leo in the morning and he told her he had tests until then, so she shouldn’t bother to show up before then. As she was walking down the hall toward his room, Abbey came out of the waiting area and detoured her to a seat and sat down next to her. Margaret immediately knew that something had happened.
“Oh my god, what’s wrong?”
“Sit back down, Margaret. Leo is okay; he just had another seizure. It was a little more violent than the previous ones and he was in the MRI scanner when it happened. He bruised his hand and has a small cut on his forehead, but he’s okay.”
“I want to see him…”
“You will. Just relax…I mean it,” Abbey said as she grabbed Margaret’s hand. He is okay. Really. He was asking for you too.” She gave Margaret a searching look as she leaned back into the hard chair in the waiting room.
“You need to tell him, to know.”
Margaret glared at her and then snorted. “Tell him what?”
“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit Margaret Hooper. I have known you far too long. You love him. He loves you. What the hell was that little lip lock the other day, if it wasn’t love?”
“Well, I was thinking desperation, fright and maybe a little lust thrown in for good measure.”
This time Abbey snorted. “A little lust? Maggie, you love the man…have for a long time. And he loves you.”
“Well he hasn’t said anything to me about being in love.”
“This is Leo McGarry we are talking of here, Maggie. You know he keeps everything deep down inside. And besides…he is pretty sure you can’t love him because of, you know, all the ‘baggage’.”
“Yeah, well, all that damn baggage is in his head, not mine. And I bet he now is blaming himself for having a damn tumor…Abbey he is so scared…”
Abbey reached out and hugged Margaret to her. “I know, honey. And he needs you. And he needs to know you love him despite the baggage, or maybe even because of the baggage?”
“Yeah. I do. Is that…sick…weird? If he hadn’t gone through what he did I am not sure I would love him as much as I do.”
“Not at all…because all that stuff made Leo the man he is today…the man you love. Tell him. Let him know before the surgery, Margaret. He needs to know now…he might think it’s pity if you tell him after the surgery and he is blind.”
“Abbey, just how possible is it…that Leo will be blind?”
Abbey took her hand. “I have talked to the surgeons Margaret. He is telling anyone, but they told Leo there is about a 70-80 percent chance he will.”
Margaret hunched forward as she cried into her hankie. “Abbey…can he…deal with it…can Leo…he will push everyone away…you know he will. He will refuse help…”
“Tell him.”
“Can I see him now?”
“Yes, honey. Go.”

Margaret stepped quietly into Leo’s room and shut the door behind her. Leo heard the click and opened his eyes. He stared across the room at her. Margaret stared back until her eyes shifted up slightly to the bandage than sat angled across the corner of his forehead. She dropped her eyes to his again and he continued to stare into hers. She slowly walked across the room, pulled a chair over to the bed, sat, took his hand and never broke eyes contact with him.
They sat in silence for a long time, hands held, thumbs rubbing over hands, until Leo broke eye contact and pulled his hand from Margaret’s. She almost moaned when he pulled away from her, thinking that he was truly pulling away from, in body and spirit, not just his hand. But then, he scooted over in the bed and patted the mattress beside him.
Margaret studied him for a long minute, then stood and took off her coat and toed out of her loafers and climbed onto the bed with him. Leo pulled her against him with his left arm, wrapping it around her shoulders and tugging her head to rest on his shoulder. He took her left hand with his right and continued to rub his thumb over it. Margaret could hear his heart thudding in his chest and she could feel his unsteady breaths.
“Leo?”
“Shhh. Don’t talk yet. Just let me hold you. I just want to feel you.” Margaret let her body fall onto his. She just let her muscles let go and she sank into him. He felt her let go and he pulled her as close as their clothing and the bed sheets and blankets would allow. Her breath was soft on his neck and her hair was soft and fragrant against his cheek. She moved another millimeter closer to him. His breath caught in his chest when he felt her lips on his throat. Just a touch, a soft caress and then it was gone.
When he could breathe again he kissed her hair and moved his hand from her shoulder to her side. He kissed her forehead and felt her tremble. “Margaret? Are you okay?”
She nodded her head, once, then buried her face in his neck. He felt hot tears hit his flesh and he pulled her closer. “Shhh. Maggie, don’t cry.”
She buried her face deeper and muttered into his neck. Leo held her while she mumbled but finally pulled away a little and lifted her face with a finger under her chin. “Maggie, I cannot understand a word you are muttering,” Leo said with a small smile.
Margaret ducked her head as a flush swept across her cheeks. “I said I love you, Leo, and I am scared and not just because of the surgery but because I am scared of that and the outcome and yes, but…I am scared about my feelings, our feelings and what people will say and do and what about the press and…and, oh my god, the staff, what will they think of me…”
Leo stopped her rush of words with a finger on her lips, then he leaned down and kissed her, oh so gently. Margaret sighed into the kiss and a shiver ran through her body as their lips parted and the kiss deepened. A while later they both sighed as their bodies slid further down the bed and they melted into each other.
“Maggie. Oh. Do you mind…I have never called you that before…it just feels…”
“No. I mean I do not mind…I like it…”
“Good. Maggie. Okay.” Leo looked away for a long minute they gazed back into her eyes. “Maggie, I am scared about this surgery. I have no option though; I have to have it. I am scared of the outcome, but I need you to know how much I love you…how much I need you. I mean…we have been together for a long time…damn…you know what I mean, do you? I mean…” Leo dropped his chin to his chest.
“Leo. I love you too. I have for so long, but I never felt it was…I never had the nerve to say anything. I…” she looked into his eyes. “God, are we pathetic, or what?”
Leo laughed and reached up to touch her face with both hands and kissed her. “Yeah, I guess we are. But I need to say this the right way now, Margaret.” He paused and considered his words then smiled. “I love you, Margaret Hooper. I have for a very long time. But over the course of the last year, I have fallen in love with you. Deeply, passionately, in love with you. I want to be with you, I want to take care of you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You mean the world to me and I do not care what anyone has to say about it.”
Margaret kissed him softly on the cheek. “I love you Leo McGarry. I am so in love with you and I want to be with you too. I love all of you, everything about you. No matter the outcome of the surgery. Nothing will change the fact that I love you. We will deal with it together. Now kiss me again.”

Margaret paced the waiting room from door to far corner over and over and over. Every time Abbey or the President or Josh made her sit down, it was for a mere moment before she popped up from the chair and began to pace again. Josh inadvertently sent her crying to the women’s room when he groaned aloud in frustration.
He plopped down in the chair next to Donna and groaned aloud. “It’s been three hours. What is taking so damn long? What the hell are they doing?”
“Trying to save his life, Joshua,” Margaret yelled at him and then, mortified that she had yelled that out loud, she ran from the room sobbing. Abbey jumped to her feet and glared and Josh then ran after Margaret. Donna reached over and slapped him on the shoulder. The President just shook his head and sighed.
Abbey knocked on the door to the women’s room and then entered without waiting for a response. She could see one of the stalls was closed and from behind the door she heard hiccupped sobs. Bending down a bit, she saw Margaret’s shoes. She knocked softly on the stall door.
“Margaret, open up.”
“I’m fine, Dr. Bartlet. Please go away.”
“Margaret Hooper, open this door right now.”
The door slowly opened and Margaret stepped out, face covered in tears, eyes red and puffy, a wan smile on her face. She walked over to the sink where Abbey was soaking some paper towels in cold water.
“Put this over your eyes,” she ordered, handing over the wet towels. Margaret pressed them to her face and sighed, bending over the sink so the water wouldn’t dribble on her clothes. A few minutes later she pulled them away and looked at herself in the mirror. Abbey was standing beside her and wrapped her arm around Margaret’s waist.
“C’mon girlfriend. What’s wrong?”
“I am just scared stupid here and of course, Josh has all the tack of a bull in a china shop, which I know, and expect…it just hit me at the wrong time.”
“Why are you so scared, Margaret? You know the surgery is expected to remove all the tumor. It is not expected to be malignant. Leo should recover quickly…”
“Unless he is blind. God, Abbey. I cannot imagine what that is going to do to Leo. Can you? My god, if he can’t work, can’t read…I just don’t know.”
“Well at least we know he won’t be able to buy his own booze if he cracks.”
Margaret stared at Abbey in horror. “Did you just say that…on my god, I can’t believe…?”
Abbey chuckled softly. “Got you to stop worrying your head off for a second, didn’t it?”
Margaret glared at her, then a wry smirk quirked up the side of her lip. “Yeah, I can just see it. Leo on a street corner with a white cane asking for help to find the closest liquor store. They both broke down giggling, laughing until they had to hold their stomachs. “Oh god, Abbey. Please do not ever tell a soul about this. Good god, we sound awful.”
“I promise if you do. But I think we needed the laugh, even if it was at Leo’s expense. Now, come on back out, have a seat and smack Josh in the head on your way past.”
Margaret laughed and nodded her head as they walked out of the restroom. Once back in the waiting room Abbey sat next to her husband and Margaret went to sit next to Donna, after popping Josh in the back of the head as she passed. Josh just leaned forward and accepted the smack.
“I guess I deserved that,” he said as he stood and headed for the door. “Anyone want coffee?” A chorus of ‘no’s’ followed him out the door.

Five hours after Leo was wheeled into the operating room, the door to the waiting room opened and the surgeon walked in. Everyone jumped to their feet as the doctor walked over to a chair and waved them all to sit again.
“So, uhm, Dr. Bartlet, I guess I should fill you in…”
“Well, we all want to hear how it went, but Margaret is the one you should really be talking to.” Abbey put a hand on Jed’s knee as he started to say otherwise, but stopped, understanding why. Abbey motioned Margaret over and made room for her next to the doctor.
“Ms. Hooper…yes, I remember,” he said with a smile. “So Mr. McGarry, Leo, came through the surgery well. We had to transfuse a pint of blood, as we experienced a little more bleeding than we anticipated, but he is fine. He is recovery and you can see him tomorrow. He is awake now but he is experiencing a pretty bad headache. We have his head heavily bandaged and his eyes covered just to keep the lights from bothering him.”
“So he can see fine,” she asked?
“We do not know that yet. We bandaged him in the OR and probably won’t check on his sight until tomorrow, at the earliest. He knows where he is, what happened. But he is in a lot of pain right now. He needs to rest and sleep. He asked if you were here, Ms. Hooper. I told him I would come and check on you,” the doctor smiled. “He was more concerned about you.”
“That sounds like him.”
“He, uhm, he asked me tell you he loved you and to go home and sleep.”
Margaret blushed furiously and dropped her head. Abbey grasped her hand and squeezed. A lone teat slipped from her eye and splashed on her hand. Donna, who had moved over to sit on her other side, put and arm around her shoulder and held her.
“Thank you, doctor. If you see him…you know…well, before I do…uhm, could you…uhm…”
“I will tell him you love him too,” the doctor smiled and stood up. “You should all go home and rest. Come back tomorrow after eight. We do rounds at 7:00.” With a nod of his head he left the room. Margaret sat back down and hugged her purse to her chest. Abbey, Jed, Josh and Donna, watched her settle in.
“Margaret, come on. We’ll take you home,” Donna said taking her hand. Margaret shook her head. “No. I have to stay.”
“Margaret, you can’t see him…he will be sound asleep. You should rest…”Margaret shook her head. “I can’t…I can’t leave him alone…”
Abbey reached down and pulled her to her feet. “Margaret, you will be of no use to him if you are a walking zombie. Come on…you can bunk at the Residence…”
Margaret pulled away with a surprised look. “No…I can’t…I mean…I can’t sleep at the Residence.”
“You can …and will. You and I need to talk.”
“About what?”
“You and Leo. He is Jed and I’s oldest friend. Besides…I want details…especially after the I love you’s…”
“I don’t think…”
“Just stop arguing Margaret,” the President said as he took her arm and they walked down the hall surrounded by Secret Service agents. “When Abbey has a bug up her…uh…best we do as she says.”
“Damn straight, Jethro.”

Abbey and Jed and Margaret had a light dinner together and then Abbey and Margaret settled in to chat while the President went down to the Oval to do some reading. They talked until they were both beginning to nod off and the President came back up for the night. Abbey settled Margaret in one of the guest rooms with a promise to make sure she was up in time for breakfast and the trip back to the hospital to see Leo.
“So,” Jed prodded Abbey as they changed for bed, “what is going on with those two?”
“Jed, I want you to leave them alone. I mean it. They have both just admitted to the other that they have feelings, that they are in love. It is very new; this change in their feelings…it is a fragile time for them both. Margaret is terrified that if Leo is left blind by the surgery that he will just retreat back into himself and shut her out, thinking that it is best for her. She loves him desperately, Jed…she does not want him to be blind, but if he is, that to her is no reason to stop being with him…loving him.”
“I know Leo too well, Abbey. Loss of his sight would be very hard for him…being dependent on people, not being able to do thing that he done all his life. He will not want to lean on people, especially family. By the way…why the heck wasn’t Mallory there during the surgery?”
“Jenny fell and broke her ankle…she slipped on a rug and went down badly. Leo refused to let Mallory stay for the surgery because Jenny had just gotten home from being casted and needed help.” ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if she threw herself down the steps,’ Abbey muttered under her breath.
“What was that, Abbey?”
“Nothing, dear. Let’s get some sleep. I want to get to the hospital early with Margaret. She needs to see him soon.”

Leo woke up with a start and tried to lift his head. The throbbing pain in the back of his head and the tight ache between his eyes took his breath away. He groaned out loud and tried to lift his hands to his head. Gentle hands took his and rested them on his chest, holding them in place. “Now, now, Mr. McGarry. Don’t touch. Just try to relax.”
“Oh God, I can’t.”
“Try. Take a breath…come now, take a breath…yes, good, now slowly exhale and relax your muscles. Good. Again…”
Leo took another breath and tried his best to relax and in doing so felt some of the ache in his head and neck subside. He took another breath and sighed into the bed. “Thirsty…” he muttered.
“Here you go. Just a sip,” he heard and then felt a straw between his lips. He drew some of the cold water into his mouth and swallowed then ran his moistened tongue over his lips. “One more, please.” He took another swallow and sank into the bed.
“Dr. Mathieu will be here in a few minutes to see how you are doing this morning.”
“What time is it,” Leo asked?”
“Just past seven o’clock. Just try to rest now.” Leo heard steps walk away and then the soft hush of the door opening and closing. He didn’t like the darkness. He knew his head was heavily bandaged and his eyes were covered. He could feel the IV in his left hand and the oxygen thingy on his finger. He knew he had a catheter in so he didn’t need to get up to pee. Overall though, besides the throb in his head, he felt decent, even a little hungry.
He then heard the door open again with a whoosh and feet approached the bed; heavier feet, a longer stride. The steps stopped near the bed and Leo heard a deep breath.
“Well, Mr. McGarry, how are you feeling today? This is Dr. Mathieu, by the way.”
“My head is pounding,” Leo grumbled.
“Where?”
“Everywhere. In the back, I know that’s the incision…”
“You remember we had to cut out a piece of bone for access, right? That is gonna be painful, and the incision, plus you have some swelling going on…and we mucked around in your head for a few hours. You’re gonna hurt. Take the drugs…”
“You know I can’t…”
“Mr. Mc…”
“Please…Leo.”
“Leo, look. You had major surgery…big time surgery…okay. You will not become addicted when you need it, and you will not even need it after a couple of days. Okay?” Leo felt the doctor touch his shoulder.
“Yeah. Okay. When…”
“Let’s wait a day or two before we start unwrapping you, okay. Rest. Sleep. We should have the full pathology report on the tumor tomorrow. And I am putting you on a solid diet. I want you to eat. You are too thin and you need to heal. That requires nutrition. Got it?”
“Yeah. I got it,” Leo grumbled but he smiled when he said it. “Can I have anything I want to eat?”
“Well, within reason, but yes. What do you want?”
“If my agent is outside I’d like someone to make a trip to Krupin’s.”
Leo could feel the doctor’s smile and heard him chuckle. “I assume your agent knows what you want?”
“Yeah, he does.”
“I’ll tell him. I will see you later today. Rest.”

Leo woke slowly; the smell of pastrami and rye bread was the stuff of dreams. His stomach growled as he came fully awake. He heard the unmistakable sound of Margaret’s giggle and he smiled. “Margaret my dear, if that is what my nose tells me it is, you deserve a kiss.”
Margaret blushed and was almost glad Leo couldn’t see it. She had stood inside the door for what felt like forever, just staring at him while he slept; his head and eyes swathed in bandages. It took everything she had to keep the sob that wanted to tear from her throat silent. After a few minutes she stepped over to the tray table beside his bed and opened the paper bag, pulling out the sandwich. She placed it on the table and then heard his stomach growl.
“Well then, you better kiss me, Leo McGarry,” Margaret said brightly.
“You have to come to me, Maggie my love,” Leo teased with his crooked grin. He held out his arms and Margaret carefully sat on the side of the bed and leaned in to kiss him as he wrapped his arms around her.
“Oh, you feel good. Kiss me again,” Leo pursed his lips and Margaret giggled as she leaned forward and kissed him again. She ended the kiss and leaned into his chest, laying her head on his shoulder.
“How do you feel, Leo?”
“I feel…well, beside the headache that won’t go away, I feel …good. I feel…lighter…I mean not lighter as in…”
Margaret put her hand on his chest and rubbed. “I think I know what you mean, Leo.”
“Yeah,” he said as he laid his head back on the pillow, grimacing a bit as he lay on the incision. He turned his head toward Margaret and rested back again. “I feel…free. I have not had a dream or a flashback…or a seizure since the surgery. My mind feels empty…but in a good way, if that makes sense.”
Margaret nodded her head. “I understand. I am so glad for you Leo. I am so happy that you are feeling better again. Do you think the flashbacks will stay away now?”
“No. I don’t think so. But I don’t think they will as bad as they have been these last six months.”
Margaret lifted her head and Leo could feel the frown on her face. “Six months? How did you hide this for six months?”
He grinned, knowing she was angry with him, but also knowing it was just because she worried so much. “It wasn’t easy.”
She poked him in the ribs, but laughed as she did. “We are definitely going to have to talk about this…but later.” She sat up then stood by the bed and pulled the tray table over. “Now, how about we start putting a few pounds back on you,” she said as she opened the paper wrapped around the still warm pastrami sandwich.
“Is there a pickle?”
“Leo, of course there is a pickle. Lewis got two, in fact.”
Leo’s mouth immediately watered as he held out his hand. “Gimme the pickle.” Margaret held his hand and placed the pickle in it and helped guide it to his mouth. He took a huge bite and sighed. He finished the pickle in three bites and held out his hands for the sandwich.
“Should I cut it in half, Leo? It might be easier to handle.”
“No. Just give me the whole thing,” he said wiggling his fingers. Margaret laughed as she helped him get a good grip on the sandwich. When he had it well in hand he lifted it to his open mouth and took a huge bite, then chewed in bliss.
It was then that the door to his room opened and the President and First Lady entered the room. Abbey burst out laughing as she watched Leo chew with globs of mayo and yellow mustard on both cheeks and his head wrapped all in white bandages.
“Oh, Leo. You are quite a sight,” she said as she moved to his right side and wiped off a glob of condiments so she could kiss his cheek. Jed moved next to Abbey and leaned down to kiss Leo on the head.
“Jed. Abbey. Hey, do you mind if I finish this,” he asked holding up the sandwich?
“No. Go right ahead,” Abbey said as she walked around the bed and gave Margaret a hug. “How are you, Margaret?
“I am fine, Abbey,” she said as she nodded to Abbey, confirming that she really was fine.
“Good. Leo, you have a few visitors in the waiting room. But take your time…they will wait.
“Whose here,” he asked after he swallowed another huge bite of sandwich?
“Josh and Toby. CJ and Sam are coming later this evening. They are holding down the fort. And…uhm…Mallory…and…uhm…Jenny are here.”
Leo stopped in mid bite and lowered the sandwich. “Why is Jenny here? I hardly think she cares about…”
“Leo. She does…you know that.”
“Well, hell…she never even made mention after Roslyn…not…damn…Margaret, are you okay with…”
“Leo. It’s fine. She is still the mother of your only child. You have a lot of history. I am sure she is worried about you. It’s fine.”
Leo reached out his hand and Margaret took the half-eaten sandwich. “Leo?”
“I…kinda lost my appetite,” he leaned back on the bed. “I am kinda thirsty, though.”
Margaret picked up the venti Starbucks cup she had put on the table and placed it in Leo’s hand. He grinned and took a huge gulp of the warm coffee. “Thank you, Margaret.”
“You are welcome, Leo. Okay, I think I will go and…”
“Margaret?” Leo sat up and turned his head to where her voice came from. He reached out his hand for her. “Don’t leave. Please…stay. I want you to stay.”
“Leo, you should spend time with your family and…”
“Margaret…you are my family…you are…please…”
Margaret swiped at her eyes and took Leo’s hand. She looked at Abbey and the President and they both nodded and smiled. “Okay. If you want me…”
“I always want you with me Margaret. Don’t ever for a moment doubt that. So, could you please wrap up my sandwich for later?”
“Already done, Leo.” Margaret moved the table away, pulled up a chair and sat next to Leo’s bed, Taking his free hand in hers.
“Leo, we will come back later tonight…we can talk then,” his friend Jed said as he leaned over to kiss him again. Leo smirked as his friend’s lips hit his jaw and he whispered, “Love ya, man.”
Leo nodded, glad that no one could see his eyes tear up under the wraps. “Okay. Don’t come too late…I’ll be asleep.”

Leo woke the next morning early…at least he thought it was early. It was hard to tell when you couldn’t see light or a clock…but it felt early. Yesterday had been exhausting with all the visitors. Jed had come by alone at nine in the evening and stayed about an hour. They had talked about much of nothing…just reminiscing and laughing. Jed didn’t want Leo thinking about work. He was falling asleep when Jed finally left.
This morning he was nervous. Dr. Mathieu would be there soon and he hoped the news wasn’t bad. He didn’t know how he would react to bad news. He felt good…better than he had in a long time…but he was scared. He heard the door whoosh open and the squeak of the nurse’s shoes on the floor.
“Good morning, Mr. McGarry. How did you sleep,” she asked as she raised Leo’s bed and took his pulse?
“I think I slept okay. Didn’t wake up once.”
“Good. Well, today your IV and catheter are coming out. Dr. will be here in a bit. So which first…catheter or IV?”
Leo blushed furiously and was sure the nurse could see it. “Catheter, please…”
“Catheter it is. Just lay back and relax,” she ordered as she pulled back the sheet and lifted his gown. Leo started reciting the order of the Presidents to take his mind off the cold air on his body and the nurses hands on his penis. ‘James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan,’ “Abraham Lincoln,” he squeaked out loud when the catheter was pulled from his penis. “Oh God…”
The nurse laughed as she washed and dried him and pulled the gown back down. “I’ve heard lots of recitals during that process…but never the Presidents before. Okay,” she pulled the sheet back over him. “IV next.”
‘Thank God.’

Half an hour later, the door whooshed open and Leo heard the steps he now recognized as Dr. Mathieu’s. He sat up in the bed and looked in the direction of the steps.
“Good morning, Mr. Mc…sorry. Good morning Leo. How are you feeling today?”
“Good. Glad that the IV and catheter are gone. I can get mobile again…or at least move to a chair.”
“Indeed you may. Okay. First things first. The full pathology is back. The tumor was not malignant. Totally benign. From the cellular make up they are thinking you could almost have been born with it and it took this long to start growing and/or gt large enough to be a problem.”
‘Thank you, God.’ Leo blew out a pent up breath. “Good.”
“Now, I want you to turn onto your left side and bend your head up a bit.” Leo did as he was told and heard the door open and the rattle of cart wheels. “That’s just a cart with some supplies on it. I am going to cut open the dressing on the back first so I can check the incision and how it is healing.” He became silent and Leo felt cold metal on his neck as the doctor cut the dressing.
He pulled the gauze apart and Leo felt cold air on his scalp. “Do I have any hair left back there,” he asked, remembering them shaving his head before the surgery.
“It will grow back quickly. Don’t worry,” Mathieu laughed. “Well, looking quite good. No redness or swelling. I think we can remove the staples in the next week.”
“Nurse, please draw the curtains and lower the lights. Leo I am going to undo the wrappings, but keep your eyes closed until I ask you to open them.”
He peeled away the rest of the wrapping and placed it on the cart. He picked up the ophthalmoscope and turned the light on, but he shielded the light with his hand. “Okay Leo, slowly open your eyes…”

Margaret knocked once and stepped through the door into Leo’s room. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Leo sitting in the chair placed near the window he was looking out of. The bandages were gone. Her heart raced as she crossed to the chair and sat on her heels in front of Leo. She grasped his hands and he turned his head. Margaret smiled and looked into his eyes. It took a mere few seconds for her to realize he didn’t return the look. He faced her, but his gaze was off, somewhere just to the left of hers.
She reached out her hand to touch his face and she realized he didn’t see it. Or her. She continued and cupped his cheek in her palm as a single lone tear slid down his face. She felt her stomach clench as his hand came up to hers.
“Oh…Leo…”

 

TBC in Part 2 - None so Blind as They That Will Not See.