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It’s never easy.
You know those little things you get stupidly emotional about? Like a stray kitten or a ladybug drowning in a puddle. It’s obviously not your problem. Your life isn’t going to magically change if you set out food for that kitten or rescue the ladybug. There’s lots of stray kittens and lots of dying bugs. You won’t make a difference, you won’t even remember it after a bit of time has passed, but right in that moment it’s breaking the heart you really wish you didn’t have.
That’s what it’s like. My Chosen are broken kids with screwed up lives. They already have so much bad luck it’d take a miracle for them to end up anywhere other than dead in a gutter. When they lose their souls, they fade into the dark like it’s a second skin. What’s the point of ruining a normal kid’s life? Might as well pick one whose life is already ruined, even if they don’t know it yet. Tikki never minds, but she lets her Chosen pass by her like strangers in the night. I can almost hear her annoyingly high-pitched chirpy “what must be done must be done” whenever I start feeling sorry for some stupid kid. Someone has to fight the villain that we created, because someone had to fight the villain, that we created because someone had to fight the villain that we created yadda yadda yadda - it’s a cycle. I get bored. I start thinking things like it’s such a pain to lie to the kids all the time and I’m the kwami of destruction, why do I have to put up with this?
This Chat Noir’s one of the worst. You’d think a spoiled rich kid with parents who both hold a Miraculous would be pretty much perfect, right? Tikki did. That’s her plan: keep it in the family and let him break once he figures it out. I thought there was no way his life wasn’t headed downhill fast and he was probably bratty enough to sulk when I didn’t treat him like a little prince. I’ve gotten attached to rich kids before - they’re brats but they’re my brats, and they’re pretty funny to mess with - but this one’s the worst since that girl who called herself Alley Cat or something. She cried so much all the time, mostly all over me. Her eyes were way too watery, even if they were green (I like green eyes, sue me). ....She was a good kid. Never blamed anyone else for her problems, even after she knew the truth behind the Miraculous.
The point is, I Choose kids who know how the world works. Even if they don’t find out what using the Miraculous does to them - and they tend to get too curious about that - they don’t really trust me. They’re wary. They use the Miraculous because they think they have to, but they know somewhere deep down that’s it destroying them. Sometimes they’re self-destructive enough to use it because of that.
But Adrien trusts me. He’s self-destructive enough in body, maybe, but the kid’s not trying to destroy anything else. He isn’t doing this just because he wants to save people or wants to run away from his life. The kid’s somehow sheltered enough that he really thinks he can be a superhero. He accepts all of my half-truths - he isn’t a stupid kid, he can tell I’m holding things back, but he shrugs and assumes it’s what’s best for him, or at least what’s best for Paris, or what’s best for Ladybug - and no matter how nasty and selfish and uncaring I am he responds with kindness and patience, maybe with some exasperation and frustration mixed in. I never said two kind words in a row to him and he loves me. The kid loves all the people in his life who are destroying him for their own ends.
No one loves him, except maybe Ladybug and that won’t last. Not really. They’re always partners in some way, even to the end, but love...it fades. Maybe there’s an echo of it there - Tikki tends to ignore them after they stop caring, but by the end I can’t look away and ...sometimes I swear there’s just enough left...enough left to
Anyway. Adrien hurts a lot more. There’s a special kind of pain to betraying someone who doesn’t expect it, and my Chosen aren’t normally that type. I’m not used to it. I keep trying to get him to back off and he keeps trying to get closer to me. And I’m too close to this kid already, by the time he’s gone...
Screw it. I don’t have to play by the rules. So the kid didn’t ask; he wanted to, that was clear enough. Besides, I’m a god of destruction. I destroy things. It’s what I do.
“Hey kid, you ever think...”
“What?” Adrien says, catching onto my tone and tilting his head to the side when he looks at me. The kid isn’t much like me, but he’s curious enough. Maybe I’m making a mistake. I’m used to my Chosen getting cursed - black cats aren’t considered bad luck for nothing. The kid will probably go the same way.
“Nah, nevermind.”
“Plaggggg.”
He’s playful and grinning and he knows I’m keeping something from him, but he’s willing to let it go. He always is. Tikki thinks my Chosen are too sentimental. She doesn’t get what it takes to have a heart in a world like this, what it means to keep caring until you can’t anymore. It's tough. I've got bad luck, and so does the kid for getting stuck with me, but he seems to be making it work for him.
I shrug mentally and roll the die. It’s always come up snake eyes before, but maybe this kid’ll beat the odds. Worth trying.
“You ever wonder if Hawkmoth wanted to be a villain?”
“What do you mean?” the kid asks, eyes bright, “Doesn’t he know he’s a villain? Can’t he stop? Is his kwarmi different than you?”
Kid, he’s just the same, except he can’t stop whining about “lost futures”. I shove my face into a block of cheese to avoid the questions and hide my wince. I can see Tikki’s pitying stare. You’re too soft, Plagg. It just hurts them more. I stuff the cheese into my mouth and deliberately don’t think about it.
Adrien’s questions will die down eventually. He knows I won’t answer them. But he’s smarter than he looks, and he knows it matters when I say things like this. He’s curious. He’ll research it. He’ll tell his Lady, who still loves him. He’ll try to talk to Hawkmoth about it - kid’s insanely forgiving and good at getting people to care and to talk to him. It might work. It worked on me.
They’ll probably find out. Maybe it’ll destroy Adrien, figuring it out. Maybe he and his Lady will fall to the curse. Tikki will be mad, but it doesn’t matter. It’s my choice.
After five thousand years, tragedy starts getting boring.