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Johns speech was lovely, after he finished everyone came up to me and was saying how sorry they were, how I could always count on them, how no matter what they would be there. Which is all sweet and heartfelt but I can’t help but be mad. I asked for my memories back of the previous timeline so I could remember everything that was real but I guess now this timeline or new earth is real which is so confusing I mean I’m a genius and it’s still confusing. I’m so angry I can’t breathe but I have to keep going for Mia, William, and Oliver. My husband made this new universe so everyone could live their lives and be happy. But I’m so far from happy. I just want my husband back.
I didn’t realize everyone walked away till John tapped my shoulder and I jumped.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Everyone’s heading in to the mansion are you ready?” John said looking at me with a sad smile.
“I......I’m.” Tears started falling down my face. I couldn’t even talk which is the one thing that I have always been able to do.
John pulled me in his arms and hugged me. Even johns bear hugs couldn’t make me feel better. “Hey you know I’m always here for you right? You are one of the strongest people I know Felicity if anyone can get through this it’s you.”
I pulled back to look at his face. “I’m not feeling so strong right now Diggle.”
“I know but you don’t have to go through it alone Felicity, I’m here for you.”
“I know and I love you for it. But it’s not the same.” I said looking down to look at the grave. Oliver’s grave. My husbands grave. And then the tears just started to roll more. I turned around from Diggle so he couldn’t see me.
“I can make sure no one comes to find you if you don’t want to go right now.” Diggle said to my back.
“Thanks John.” I hugged him one more time before he walked to the back entrance of the mansion.
I turned to look at the tombstone and that’s when I finally broke. I couldn’t control the tears anymore so I just let them fall. I waked closer to the tombstone and touched it lightly.
“Beloved son, Husband, Father. Hero of star city The Green Arrow.” The words barely sounded right because of all the tears. “Now they recognize you as a hero.... sorry I’m a little bitter. But I guess I have every right to be. It just hurts that you finally get the credit when you die. I mean you only had to save the whole multiverse and then die yourself.” I wiped away the tears. “I miss you so much. These past few months without you in the cabin have been awful, but they were alright because I knew you were alive but now that you aren’t it’s like I lost a part of my self. I know you would want me to stay strong and I’m trying Oliver I really am but I can’t help but think that when you died part of me died too. It would be so easy to give up right now ,to die with you but i can’t because I have to be there for our baby girl. It wouldn’t be fair to you or Mia if I gave up now.” I paused to take in a breath. “I’m so mad. I’m mad at everyone and I know you wouldn’t want me to be but I am because they get to live and be happy in a perfect world. But you who made all of this possible and saved everyone in the entire universe doesn’t get to raise you’re children or grow old with your wife.” The tears were pouring down my face and it was getting hard to breathe. “You know I can hear your voice saying “life’s not fair baby” but I just wanted it for once to go you’re way........ I love you Oliver. You deserved so much more than what you got. You deserved to raise your kids and find out what great people they will be. You deserved to be called a hero a very long time ago. You deserved to be able to live a good life and grow old with me. But your right life’s not fair and I have to raise our children without the love of my life.” I sat down by his grave and hung my head while the tears flowed down my face. “If you were still alive we probably would of made many more kids just for the fun of it.” I laughed wistfully. “But you’re not and I can’t live in denial. I want you to know how much you meant to me baby. I loved you more than anything and you made my life worth living. I want to thank you for everything. You my husband are the best hero a girl could ask for and I want you to know that the promise I made to you before you left with the monitor still stands. No matter where you are right now we will get our happy ending and I will be in your arms again. I miss you Oliver and I will miss you till the moment I see you again. I never thought someone could love me the way you loved me so thank you. By the way this isn’t goodbye. I love you Oliver Jonas queen I’ll see you later.”
I got up and kissed my hand then toughed his name with my hand. I hope he knows how much I love him.