Chapter Text
The last time Jiang Fengmian had seen Cangse Sanren, she was smiling. Which wasn’t saying much, because she was just the kind of woman who always had a smile. But that last smile struck him in a way that he never completely forgot it; a smile full of mischief, full of joy, and —most surprisingly—apologetic. She had simply said I will be taking your right-hand man, and I’m not giving him back! like it was her proudest achievement, her greatest misdeed ever. Ignoring the fact that Jiang Fengmian had been happy for them, had been wishing them happiness, even if it meant he was also losing his best friends.
They’d sent letters, from time to time. But he had never seen them again. He’d thought he was okay with that, it was a good way to part. A good scene to remember. He understood that if they did come back, it would bring complicated feelings, and make the situation hard. They would not be able to get away on such a happy note a second time. Often, Wei Changze would add one of his paintings to the letter; even in those Cangse Sanren is always smiling. Years had gone by, they’d moved on. She’d had a baby. Jiang Fengmian had two. She still causes mischief wherever she goes, stealing hearts with a smile on her face.
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t recognize the woman who stands right in front of him. It is a stranger wearing her skin. Cangse Sanren would never show such weakness to anyone, she would never curl into the small bundle of clothes in her arms, never let sobs shake her every breath. She would never let anyone think that the blood on her clothes is actually hers, instead joking : If you’re scared for me, you should see the one I beat! It is not the Cangse Sanren he knows. However, at her side, it is the Wei Changze he remembers.
Years of separation haven’t changed his serious expression during periods of trouble. It makes Jiang Fengmian remember that fateful night when they met, where they almost got killed because Lan Qiren refused to disobey his sect’s rules.
“Sect Leader Fengmian,” his best friend whispers, his voice weak but firm. “I know this one is unworthy of your help—”
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t let him finish, he lets them in. It’s only then he realizes that Cangse Sanren isn’t standing at all. She leans into her husband’s side, held up and dragged by him, her stomach and back pierced by a branch she doesn’t bother removing. Only then does he notice that one of Wei Changze’s arms hangs lifeless by his side. Only then does he see that the bundle of clothes in the woman’s embrace is a child, as pale as a corpse, not even older than his own son.
He immediately calls for medics.
It is difficult to gather what exactly happened. The scene is chaotic. Madam Yu, the Lady of Lotus Pier, manages to get the disciples under control and sends A-Li and A-Cheng back to bed. She still doesn’t know much about the situation, only getting a glimpse as the doctor—freshly awoken in the middle of the night—rushes their patients into a separate room. Fengmian dreads the idea of having to explain it to her, but he currently has other worries.
Cangse Sanren refuses to let go of her child. She keeps giving him spiritual energy, and the doctor is outraged.
"I will save him," he promises. "You need to worry about your own wounds too."
She still says no. She says no to sound arguments. She says no to everything until Wei Changze opens his arms, calmly.
"I will give him my spiritual energy, Cangse. You rest. A-Ying needs his mother."
She sobs, and Jiang Fengmian isn’t sure he ever heard her cry before, but she finally accepts the deal. The doctor is relieved, but not happy. Jiang Fengmian doesn’t know much about medicine but he understands why.
"Wei Changze," he whispers. "If you don’t take care of your arm now, you will lose it."
"I can lose an arm. I can’t lose my son."
His tone is cold, determined. It takes Fengmian back to another fateful night, when his best friend had grasped the desperate situation they were in, long before he did. When Wei Chanze had understood that he needed to evaluate what was worth saving and what wasn’t. When he’d said to Jiang Fengmian that he was the future of the Sect, and that the sect heir’s life was worth more than Wei Changze’s own.
Jiang Fengmian knows better than most that nothing will change Wei Changze’s mind. So he does the only thing he can, and orders two more doctors to be called; even if it means going into town and dragging them out of their beds. In the meantime, Jiang Fengmian gives some of his spiritual energy to his friend; he doesn’t dare touch his arm though, as he only knows the most basics of field healing and he has no idea of the extent of the damage here.
"Can you move your feet? Can you feel that?" the doctor asks Cangse Saren.
He’d somehow removed the bloodied branch from her abdomen and managed to close the wound. He pricks her foot with a needle. She doesn’t even look at him, her eyes glued to her son, as she answers his question with another.
"How is he? Can you save him?"
Her eyes are filled with flames and determination, and at last Jiang Fengmian manages to find a bit of the Cangse Sanren he knows in this stranger.
It doesn’t last long, though, as the child is laid on the bed. He is alive—it’s a surprise to Jiang Fengmian and the doctor—but barely. He has lost a lot of blood and was bitten by something. Something big enough to leave puncture wounds from his shoulder to his stomach. It is a wonder that his heart wasn’t pierced when it closed its jaws. If Jiang Fengmian realizes this, his parents must have as well.
His right lung however…
His Lady wife arrives with a pair of medics and an angry glare. Her eyes fall on Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze, her mouth nothing but a thin line.
"What happened?" she demands. «Why are you here?"
For a moment, it seems no one will answer her. As Jiang Fengmian doesn’t know much, and the parents’ eyes are on their son, not giving any attention to the medics trying to heal them too.
"It was supposed to be a simple nighthunt…"
Cangse Sanren’s voice is nothing but a whisper. It is weak. It is filled with regret and sadness. Everything that Cangse Sanren is not.
"People thought it was wolves. But wolves don’t attack on the same day for twenty years! They don’t attack adults," she says.
It is Wei Changze who resumes :
"We convinced the villagers to let us investigate. A man was attacked just hours before we arrived and the trail was still fresh. We thought it was a yao—there were wolf attacks—children.” Wei Changze’s voice cracks.
Jiang Fengmian blinks at him, in shock, in all his years by his friend’s side, he rarely ever heard his voice crack like this. This is as strange as Cangse Sanren without a smile. It lasts only a short moment before Wei Changze takes a deep breath in, schooling his expression and finds his reporting voice again:
“We left A-Ying to the innkeeper and went to inspect the forest."
Jiang Fengmian can’t help but look at the child right now, and so does his lady. They said the creature only killed one person per year. Why did it change? Monsters reacted to threats, recognizing a predator when facing one, but they were not smart enough to put up a trap for them.
"What was it, then?"
"I don’t know!"
The admission hurts Cangse Sanren’s throat, and she tries to reach her son’s hands, but fails, the lower half of her body not responding to her will. The doctor in charge of her wound shakes his head at the sect leader, pessimistic.
"He was supposed to be at the inn!" She says, and at least her voice is shrill now, even if a bit desperate. "But I heard cries in the forest! I heard a child! And when I reached the place where they came from, A-Ying was there!"
Some ghosts do lure their victims with such illusions. But Cangse Sanren was a great cultivator, one of the best, she knew better. She couldn’t have fallen for such an obvious trap! They find out soon enough, as Cangse Sanren’s hand pats her son’s head and her fingers curl in his hair, as if she is still trying to reach him.
"I...I thought it was an illusion...I thought it wasn’t him! But it was him. What did I do? What did I do? I let my baby get hur-"
She can’t finish the story, and it is Wei Changze who resumes in her stead. He explains with a strangled voice that he heard her scream. When he arrived, A-Ying was already being dragged by a wolf-shaped figure, full of resentful energy. They tried to get him back, they followed the creature to a place that was worse; full of vengeful ghosts. They fought. Somehow he managed to get A-Ying while Cangse Sanren protected them both. Realizing they couldn’t win this, he had used his sword to fly them all to safety, as fast as he could, but they couldn’t go far with three on the same sword. Cangse Sanren had used her blood to draw some talisman or an array—he doesn’t know. Something the Immortal taught her.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t say what, when they stare at her, too focused on A-Ying.
But a ghost managed to get them when she cast it, Wei Changze explains. They fell and landed badly, near Lotus Pier, kilometers away from the grounds. Cangse Sanren was hurt because of the fall. Changze doesn’t say how he wounded his arm. Fengmian isn’t sure Wei Changze even knows. Sometimes battles are confusing, and you only realize you are hurt hours later.
It is a miracle, already, that he managed to fly, three on the same sword. It is a miracle his friend has any spiritual energy left to give to his child right now. It is a miracle that A-Ying is still alive; certainly the result of his stubborn parents, who refused to heal themselves before he was safe.
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t want to think of what could have happened. He doesn’t allow himself to. His Lady is silent by his side. Years of marriage means he can guess the words that almost get past her lips. But she doesn’t scold Cangse Sanren for her weakness. She doesn’t say that it was reckless and stupid to nighthunt with such a small child.
She doesn’t tell her to leave, either. That’s something he is grateful for.
He doesn’t want to ask such an awful question in front of Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze, but he can’t avoid it either, so he gets near the doctor who is treating A-Ying:
"Will he live?"
The doctor frowns.
"We saved his lung. The spiritual energy is helping with the blood loss...But the next few hours are going to be critical. We can’t afford to stop the transfusion of energy right now. And it is not a typical wound, there’s a lot of resentful energy that still lingers, we should be wary of infections."
"But his immediate wounds?" Asks Wei Changze.
"It should be okay."
Cangse Sanren lets out a relieved sigh, her fingers curling in her son’s hair again, and Wei Changze’s face relaxes as he closes his eyes.
"Good. We need to… to…"
When he opens his eyes, they’re blurry, unfocused. The panic left his body, leaving only exhaustion, pain and confusion. He and Cangse Sanren seem to exchange a look, some telepathic conversation only they can hear. Cangse Sanren smiles.
Finally, Jiang Fengmian recognizes the woman in front of him, even if it’s a smile he’s never seen on her face before. A smile that is tired and sad, but full of relief.
It lasts only an instant, before she closes her eyes and drifts off into unconsciousness.
Wei Chanzse’s smile is different from his wife’s; his lips simply curve up. His mouth twitches as he breathes in...
Jiang Fengmian has the reflexes to catch his friend before his head hits the ground.
Notes:
The first ten chapters are beta-read by fraudulent-moose, and this one had a second polishing thanks to Tinkerlicious and Ziidian!
a big thanks to them as it allows the text to be more accessible and written in (i hope) a better english.
Thank you so much for reading my work !
Chapter 2: Between Love and Friendship
Notes:
What is that...Like 67 kudos, for one chapter, over only one night ? I...I can't express how much it warms my heart. I'm glad you liked my fic, and I will try my best to not disappoint you!
I apologize in advance for English typo, names, math, or Chinese culture errors I might do. Don't hesitate to tell me and I will correct it if I can !
--Summary of last chapter : Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren arrived at Yunmeng Jiang Sect in the middle of the night and heavily injured. Cangse Sanren couldn't feel her leg, Wei Changze's arm was unresponsive, and their young child, Wei Ying was unconscious. Jiang Fengmian accepted to help them ; bringing them to the infirmary. They told him what happened ; a village mistook a monster's attack for a pack of wolves, they investigated and tried to slay the beast. Unfortunately, while they left their son at the nearest Inn, they found Wei Ying crying in the middle of the forest, calling for help. The boy got snatched away by the dog-shaped-monster, and his parents retrieved him and fled just in time, thanks to an array Cangse Sanren stole from her teacher, Baoshan Sanren. Despite their injury, the doctor assure they will all survive, even Wei Ying. The worried parents collapse after hearing this good news.
This chapter was beta-read a first time by Fraudulent_Moose, and polished a second time by Tinkerlicious! A big thanks to them =D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren’s wounds are terrible. It’s nearing dawn when the doctor finally exits the room and explains this to Jiang Fengmian. Her spine is damaged; while extracting the branch he realized it had broken some bones in her pelvis, and he had to act quickly to avoid her bleeding out. It will take time—a lot of time—before she may be able to walk again. Such an injury, on common people, would not heal. And even though she’s such a strong cultivator, with access to spiritual energy, there’s no telling whether she will fully recover. Her husband is somewhat better, if he lost consciousness it’s only because of exhaustion. His arm was dislocated, and some muscles are torn, but with care and proper healing, they should be able to save it. It will never be as good as it once was, and the doctor is worried about his ability to grip a sword , but they can be hopeful. He is a cultivator too, after all.
“What about their child?” Asks Madam Yu, by his side.
He loves her for that. The thought takes him by surprise. The only times he has felt such emotion for his wife were right after the birth of his children, when she’d held A-Li and A-Cheng in her arms, and presented them to him with the proudest smile on her face. At the time he’d thought that maybe he just liked smiling people. At this time, however, his Lady is far, very far from smiling. She wears the scowl that makes their disciples shake in their boots.
He is not naive, he knows she will argue with him afterwards, but for now, he is content with their temporary truce. He is happy he married someone who is willing to look past their jealousy to save a life.
By the end of the day, A-Ying doesn’t die, but he doesn’t wake up either. He develops a fever and strange grey star-shaped marks appear on his body. Jiang Fengmian offers some of his spiritual energy, and then assigns disciples of his sect to the task. There’s always either a doctor on standby or someone with enough medical knowledge to be of use. Somehow, they manage to get a schedule to ensure that the boy is never left alone without proper care.
Surprisingly, Cangse Sanren is the first one to wake up, and when they ask her if she needs anything, she says:
“We forgot our donkey!”
Jiang Fengmian promises her he will get their donkey back (what’s his name? He asks her, and she answers: Donkey! Why would he need any other name? It is what he is!). She smiles and thanks him, before scowling.
“But I’m not paying that Innkeeper. He can’t keep shit! The only thing he deserves is a swift kick in the butt!”
If Jiang Fengmian frowns in the face of her scattered thoughts and avoidance, she doesn’t. She takes the news about her legs quite well. When the doctor tries to make her understand that she could very well be paralysed from the waist down for the rest of her life, she takes his hands in hers, and pats it very patiently.
“Everything is gonna be okay”, she assures him.
The doctor is too surprised at being comforted by his patient to counter. As much as Jiang Fengmian.
“Besides, what of it? If I can’t walk, then my husband will carry me! It’s the perfect excuse to cuddle all the time!” She jokes with her blinding smile.
It’s so absurd. It is so like her.
After that, Cangse Sanren’s eyes are glued to her son’s chest. She watches it rise and fall, as A-Ying slowly breathes in and out; it’s the only thing she cares about right now. She starts to hum a lullaby and pats his head while he sleeps. She’s almost the same as he remembers her; smiling and chatting nonsense to whoever has the misfortune of being near her.
Yu Ziyuan tries to be a good hostess and talk to the woman, as an ex-rival, as a fellow-mother, he supposes. She manages to stay in the same room as Cangse Sanren for approximately half an hour before bursting out, red from head to toe, and furious.
For a moment Jiang Fengmian is worried his Lady is going to kick the family out, wounded or not. But she doesn’t.
“They will stay until they are healed,” he tells her, seizing the opportunity.
“Of course they will!” She scoffs.
Despite all their years of marriage, Jiang Fengmian is still truly incapable of reading her emotions. Maybe she is thinking: Of course, Jiang Fengmian is weak and allowing those troublemakers inside their sect. Or even: Of course, they are staying here, where else could they go in their state? He wants to believe that it’s the latter.
Wei Changze wakes up shortly after Madam Yu leaves, opening his eyes to his wife’s laugh. When Jiang Fengmian arrives to discuss what they need to do, he is as efficient as always. There’s a reason why Jiang Fengmian had wanted him as his right hand man. They gather enough information to set up a nighthunt in the next few days.
The monster will be taken care of.
“You might want to ask the Jin clan”, explains Cangse Sanren, when they finish their conversations. “The place is near another village, under the guidance of the huh-”
“Mo clan” Wei Changze clarifies.
“Yeah! That’s it. While we investigated the place, I heard that some big head from the Jin clan came and stopped by from time to time. Fuck! They might even know some things we didn’t at the time.”
It is fair advice that Jiang Fengmian takes gratefully. For a moment he allows himself to get lost in his memories. They used to do this, back while he studied in Cloud Recess. Cangse Sanren bringing them trouble, Jiang Fengmian agreeing to fix it no matter what it was, Wei Changze organizing his ideas, making sure it works out, and that they don’t end up dying in the process. Cangse Sanren, sweet Cangse Sanren, managing to give a little help that turned the tides in the end. It is almost as if they are just visiting, as if nothing had changed.
He knows better than to give in to the illusion. Especially when A-Li, his daughter, and A-Cheng, his son, are currently trying to spy on them through the door.
He is aware of the years that went by, and he doesn’t regret it. Not when his children are healthy and cute, while his friends’ child is currently struggling to live.
“Father, who are they?” Asks A-Li, when he takes her left hand and leads her away from the room. A-Cheng follows them, holding his father’s other hand. A-cheng is more interested in the other boy—who is conveniently around his age—than any new adults:
“Why is he sleepin’? Lazy!”
A-Cheng looks at the figure in the bed, with his eyes full of hope. Jiang Fengmian wonders if the boy will play with A-Ying, if they will get along, like he did with Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze. For now the boy’s only friends are his puppies. His Lady had said that a future sect leader didn’t need friends, only subordinates, and—thinking how it had hurt to lose his friends, the ones he trusted the most and thought would always be there to help him—he had agreed. But now, he thinks differently.
Jiang Fengmian does his best to explain the situation to his children with simple words. How they are his friends and will be staying at Lotus Pier until they are healed; how A-Li and A-Cheng must not go near the room because they need to rest. Especially the boy, he adds for A-Cheng.
“And when he does wake up, I’m counting on you to be a good boy and protect him while he’s still recovering”.
“Like a big brother?”
The question surprises him. He should have expected it though, after all, A-Cheng’s only friends are his puppies and his sister. He knows nothing of friendship, but all about responsibilities and family. He knows he has to protect those weaker than him. For a moment, he is proud of his son. But he is also hurt by his words, because if Wei Changze had stayed by his sides—like he should have—then yes, that’s how he would have wanted things to be. For their children to be raised together like siblings.
And that’s exactly why he had indulged his Lady’s wish for A-Li to be bound to her best friend’s son. Was that all she wanted too? For her and her friend’s child to be raised together in that manner? If they’d both had sons first, would she have wanted them to be sworn brothers?
Nevertheless, it’s an idea he is afraid to wish for right now, when the future is so uncertain.
So instead he says :
“Actually, I think he is older than you.”
A-Cheng gives him the most offended expression he’s ever seen on such a young face. A-Li laughs behind her sleeve.
“It’s okay, you can still protect him,” she says to her brother. “Like you protect me.”
His adorable daughter, he thinks, is a blessing from the gods. She knows how to handle her brother’s mood better than he does. Hearing that A-Cheng nods seriously, because that child is always serious. But Jiang Fengmian can see the anticipation in his eyes, as he hopes to have a friend. That being said, he is still very young and his attention span is quite small, his focus shifts right elsewhere. He comes out of his deep thoughts only when Jiang Fengmian is about to give them back to their mother.
“Father, what’s fuck?”
And it is the second time that day his Lady wife turns red from head to toe, except that instead of rushing out the infirmary, she intends to barge in and scream at Cangse Sanren.
“She’s here for less than a day and she already-!” She curses.
A-Li frowns at her mother and put a finger on her lips, and with the confidence only little children can have, she says:
“Mother, they’re resting!”
Jiang Fengmian swears he doesn’t laugh. Much.
Despite the lighter atmosphere, when he passes by the infirmary—it is his turn to supply spiritual energy to the child—he hears sobs again.
He recognizes Cangse Sanren’s voice, as she whispers to her husband.
“ -What should I do? What should I do? I can’t feel my legs...I can’t feel them… I can’t walk...I can’t fight...I can’t…He called for me and I didn’t- and now I can’t even run to him if he-”
Jiang Fengmian knew, somewhere deep in his heart, that what she’d said earlier was a lie she told them and herself. The fake-it-‘til-you-make-it mentality she loved so much. Why was it so easy to forget? Was her smile so blinding that he couldn’t see past anything more?
Her sobs break his heart, he’s heard her cry more in the span of a single night than all the years he spent by her and Changze’s side.
“What if he never wakes up? I didn’t believe it was him! He called for me and I drew my sword at my baby and- what if it’s the last thing he sees?”
Jiang Fengmian closes the door, to give them some semblance of privacy, but not before seeing the face of his friend, as Wei Changze held his wife close, while she squeezes their child’s tiny hand.
“And your arm...your arm! What if you can never use your sword? It is all my fault. What kind of mother can’t even recognize her own baby when he is right in front of her!”
He realizes that, as much as a not-smiling Cangse Sanren is a stranger to him, a silently crying Wei Changze is just as unnatural.
Jiang Fengmian decides to sleep on a decision. This is certainly not what a Sect Leader should do; but he manages to convince himself that he had years to think about it. The very next day, he goes directly to the infirmary, with a package in his hand.
Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren are there—where else could they be?—and he sits before they can bow. He gives Wei Changze the package before they can ask him anything.
Inside the box, lies the Yunmeng Jiang sect bell. The very same one that Wei Changze had left behind, when he eloped. Jiang Fengmian hopes Wei Changze can still recognize it. Maybe Wei Changze stopped caring about it when he left, like he sometimes does with other things he has moved on from. Maybe now he doesn’t care about his bell. Wei Changze has always taken care of his things with great attention to detail, and the bell is as good as new. It is enough for Jiang Fengmian to know that it is the same.
Wei Changze frowns at the bell. His fingers brush it lightly, and Jiang Fengmian thinks he sees recognition in his gaze. But then Wei Changze takes his hand back and shakes his head.
“I can’t accept that”, he says.
“It belongs to you. It always has.”
“I’m not part of the sect anymore, I ran away, I’m a rogue cultivator.”
“You could be part of the sect once more. You can be all part of the sect” he adds.
Even though imagining Cangse Sanren in purple robe is something he forbids himself to do. He pauses, and his eyes fall on Cangse Sanren nonetheless. Sweet Cangse Sanren pats her husband’s arm, offering him a smile, while she turns to Jiang Fengmian and gives him a scowl.
“Does your Madam Yu agree with the decision?”
“This has nothing to do with her,” he says, a little bit offended.
Because of course she doesn’t. He doesn’t need to talk about it with her to know she will not be okay with it. But when it comes to his Lady, it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
Cangse Sanren laughs, but it doesn’t sound good at all.
“How can it not? If Wei Changze returns to the sect, he will stay here. And if he stays here, so does his family. She will have to tolerate me.”
“She will.”
“You can’t force people to be friends! Sect leaders aren’t that almighty!”
“She already agreed for you to stay until you’ve recovered.”
That makes her shut up, and he shouldn’t feel proud about it, but he does. Even more so because it is the truth.
‘The doctor said it could take years,” she reminds him, as if her words could reach Madame Yu through him.
“She is aware of that, she was there when the doctor explained.”
She blinks, visibly shocked. For a moment she looks like she is searching for a point to make, something to counter with, and it is Wei Changze, who says:
“Are you sure? She can be very annoying.”
“That’s right!” Cangse Sanren smiles hearing that, then she understands.
“Hey!”
She gives him a small hit on his arm, and to Jiang Fengmian’s surprise, his serious Wei Changze comments, with a monotone voice:
“Oh no, my other arm. I’m wounded. What should I do? Sect leader can’t have a disciple with no arms.”
And she laughs.
“Then use your feet! You still have yours!”
Jiang Fengmian isn’t as strong as they are, he can’t joke about it yet. But he can feel the warmth in his heart, as he sees his friends bickering and loving each other, despite all that has happened.
“You don’t have to give me an answer right away,’’ he explains. “It can wait until you’ve recovered. Keep the bell, though. It is yours. It will always be yours.”
Wei Changze holds the bell close to his chest, to his heart, and simply nods. Maybe it’s because of the silence, that Jiang Fengmian feels the urge to add,
“I want you to stay only if you want to stay.”
He looks at Cangse Sanren especially, as he says that because she’s as free as the wind, has always been. It is foolish to think that she will remain in one place simply because her legs are injured.
“Why?” Cangse Sanren asks, when he is about to leave. “Why would you do that for us?”
Jiang Fengmian pauses, to think about it again, to truly think about the answer. Because the truth is, he knows it’s a bad decision. Is he still in love with Cangse Sanren? He doesn’t know. She isn’t in love with him, that’s for sure. He is married to a strong woman, one who gave him two wonderful children and who deserves his respect and love. The love he wants to be able to give her. Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze’s presence here meant trouble.Then again, Cangse Sanren’s presence always meant trouble, wherever she went. Wei Changze, on the other hand, is the man he trusts the most, the one he grew up with and believed would always stand by his side. It is difficult to untangle all his feelings with them around. However, there is one thing he’s sure of right now :
“I don’t understand,” he finally answers. “Why one should have to choose between friendship and love.”
Jiang Fengmian probably isn’t a good sect leader, he is aware of that. He hates conflicts and doesn’t like to make difficult choices. That’s why Wei Changze was supposed to be with him, to tell him when he isn’t making the right decision, and stand by him when he does. However, since he chose to leave, and hasn’t yet agreed to return, Jiang Fengmian decides that he can do what he wants. And what he wants is to keep them both.
Notes:
Next chapter is from Yu Ziyuan's point of view! I was unsure if it was needed and asked this in the end note. Since a sweet reader asked for it, I wrote it, and I don't regret it. I hope you'll like it as much as I do. Don't hesitate to tell me what you want to see in the fic, If there's a pov you feel like is missing, for example, while I can't promise I will always respond and do it, it will not be ignored.
I'm not sure I will be able to keep 1 chapter per day, because despite the quarantine, I have to work at home during the week. But I will certainly try my best to deliver on week-end !
Chapter 3: A time and place for everything
Notes:
Oh my gosh thank you for all this feedback. It makes me so happy <3
I don't think I will be able to publish a chapter tomorrow, as I said, I work during the week, so I'm not sure I will be able to write anything. But at worst, I will publish chapters on Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning!
Here is the chapter about Madam Yu, I hope you'll like it. It was very interesting to write it, and very much needed, I realize it now!
Summary of last chapter --> Cangse Sanren seemed to have lost the ability to walk due to her injury, while Wei Changze's future ability to wield a sword again is compromised. Wei Ying, too heavily wounded for a child his age, is still sleeping, demanding constant supervision and spiritual energy. In the midst of the confusion, Jiang Fengmian decided to talk to his once best-friend and crush. He refused to choose between friendship and love, and offered them to be part of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, or at the very least the option to stay until they are fully recovered (no matter how long it might take). The couple didn't give him an answer, but was grateful. In the meantime, Yu Ziyuan is unusually patient and accepting...
This chapter was beta)read firts by Fraudulent_Moose, then by Tinkerlicious, big thanks to them both !!
Chapter Text
Yu Ziyuan is bitter and angry. She doesn’t show it. It is already bad enough for her husband to have lost all composure as soon as his old friend and crush arrived, but someone needs to keep the Sect together. If it is not Fengmian, then it’s her job to do so.
She is not the one people seek for comfort, though, and all disciples know that.
They are panicked, and curious, and afraid, and curious, but they obey her. They don’t go near the infirmary unless it’s their turn to give some spiritual energy, and they know that if she hears even the smallest gossip they will regret it on the training field. Especially if they dare do it in front of her children. A-Li and A-Cheng don’t need to hear that. For now she asked her maids, Jinzhu and Yinzhu, to keep an eye on them, making sure they don’t stumble onto such conversations.
She makes every disciple she hears gossiping run around Lotus Pier, until they don’t have enough breath to talk anymore. It doesn’t work. As scary as she can be, it seems that she is not scary enough to kill all whispers. She doesn’t know what to do.
People still talk and wonder. Old rumors—about how in-love Jiang Fengmian was with Cangse Sanren—are back.
I heard he proposed to her, but she eloped with his Right-Hand Man.
She doesn’t know the truth. Fengmian never told her about that. He is a man, he is still proud. He doesn’t share his weaknesses or humiliation with her. She doesn’t share hers with him either.
New rumors arise.
I heard the kid is actually his, not Wei Changze’s!
She inhales sharply when she hears this one.
It hurts to hear. Yu Ziyuan had been a good Lady Wife all these years, she has given the Sect Leader two wonderful children—a son, even. She led the Sect when her husband was away. She nighthunts alongside them, yet it seems they still don’t see her as one of them. She is a woman brought here by marriage, nothing else. She’d be okay if they treated all women that way, but they don’t. They adore her daughter. The moment Cangse Sanren appears, they all take her side. All her efforts are ruined, forgotten. Somehow, she always comes up short. Cangse Sanren is more beautiful than Yu Ziyuan. Is she though, with her dead legs? Cangse Sanren is a better cultivator than Yu Ziyuan. Is she though, when she almost died, and got her son killed? Yet somehow, none of this matters to people. They still gossip.
I heard he had the baby with her, right before his engagement with our Lady had been announced! And that he asked his right hand man to flee with her, to protect her and their child!
She knows it’s not true. She knows.
Jiang Fengmian may not love her, he may not talk to her about everything, but she knows her husband. He didn’t see Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze after they eloped. She got engaged with him, after they eloped. All contact he had with them were letters—and one-sided at that. They wrote to him but he couldn’t answer them back, as they were always moving. Wei Ying is about A-Cheng’s age, maybe a little older. This doesn’t add up. It is not possible.
She can’t help but think of all those days and weeks he left Lotus Pier to Nighthunt with disciples, in much the same way she would. Where did he really go? It is easy to keep things out of the reports, especially when you’re the one in charge of them. What if he met them there? After all, Sect disciples often crossed paths with rogue cultivators during Nighthunts. She can’t help but remember his fond smile whenever he receives a letter from the couple, the drawings he gets from them, and how he keeps them in his room. I should have asked him to burn it . She regrets it, bitterly. It doesn’t help.
When she can’t stand it, she goes and sees the couple in the infirmary.
What does help is seeing how in-love Cangse Sanren is with her husband; how the woman clings to Wei Changze in front of Jiang Fengmian. A small, selfish part of Yu Ziyuan hopes that it hurts him.
If she can’t chase them out—and she definitely can’t; they are wounded and need help, it would be shameful for the Sect to send them away, it would shame her, if she let herself be that bitter—she hopes they will stay long enough that Jiang Fengmian is hurt everytime he sees the couple hug. She hopes that it will hurt him enough that he will finally let go of this love.
She doesn’t know what Cangse Sanren sees in Wei Changze, especially compared to Jiang Fengmian, but she is glad. The rejection is even more obvious. When she looks at the boy, in the infirmary bed, she sees nothing of Jiang Fengmian in his features.
She never knew them well enough to have a clear image of their faces in her memory. Placed directly next to his parents, it’s obvious that the child looks like both his parents. He has his mother’s lips, but he also has his father’s nose. It comforts her a bit.
Nevertheless seeing the child almost dead, the sadness on Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze’s faces, as they held his tiny, tiny hand does not bring any comfort. Only sadness.
She is a mother too; she loves her children. I would not let that kind of thing happen to them, she repeats to herself, proudly. I would keep them safe . Everyone says Cangse Sanren is stronger than the Violet Spider, yet it still happened to her son. She can’t shake off this fear with a simple then everyone is wrong, or I would do better. She doesn’t even want the opportunity to do better. She wants her children safe.
So when Jiang Fengmian announces he is going to hunt the monster that got his friends, and A-Cheng asks if he can go too, she snaps:
“Stop spouting nonsense and go back to training!”
He is too young to be on the battlefield. He is too tiny and fragile. Didn’t he see how Wei Ying ended up? A-Cheng is too small to see the fear in his mother’s eyes and runs to his big sister’s arms. A-Li is smart enough to take him away from their mother.
“I entrust the Sect to your capable hands” Jiang Fengmian says, when their children are out of sight.
And then he leaves. Does it hurt him so much, that he is so prompt to go hunt the beast that wounded his friends? She doesn’t want to know. She doesn’t want to acknowledge her own hurt either. Once again, Jiang Fengmian is retreating instead of facing the problem, be it his friends’ presence, or Yu Ziyuan’s anger. It infuriates her. She is determined to have everything under control in his absence. He came up with a schedule—for doctors and disciples—to help the wounded. She will establish a system, a hierarchy, so that every single person here knows where they stand, by the time the Sect Leader returns.
The first thing she does is visit the couple once again. Last time Cangse Sanren drove her mad, refusing to say what array she used to escape the Nighthunt ground, joking to avoid the subject. And of course, this time, Cangse Sanren’s strategy hasn’t changed.
“Am I that pretty? Does my husband have to be wary of a new rival?” Cangse Sanren asks with a grin.
Those are definitely not the best words to use right now. She is not even that pretty today, she looks tired and sick. She can’t even stand up to greet her. Maybe she would look better if she stopped giving spiritual energy to her child, and focused on her own wounds, but Yu Ziyuan can’t bring herself to fault her for that. She would do it too, if situations were reversed.
“Jiang Fengmian is my husband” she says, firmly, instead.
Cangse Sanren blinks for a second. She is too smart not to understand what it means.
“Yeah. I know. Keep him, I already have a husband. Jiang Fengmian is my friend.”
It is infuriating, how her words ease Yu Ziyuan’s heart. Good. Keep it that way, she thinks. Part of her wants to tell her that a Sect Leader doesn’t need friends, they need allies, but she isn’t taking the risk. Friends usually stay friends. However, alliances can be marital.
“Those rumors aren’t true.”
Wei Changze’s voice takes her by surprise. He enters the infirmary with a stern look. He is as bad as his wife, pale and exhausted. Do they even sleep, she wonders, or do they spend the whole night listening to their son’s breathing?
She knows the answer to that question.
“What rumors?” Cangse Sanren frowns at her husband.
“Wei Ying is my son,” Wei Changze reiterates, ignoring his wife and focusing on Yu Ziyuan.
For the first time, she realizes that there might be someone other than her unfairly hurt by those rumours.
Cangse Sanren’s eyes light up and she laughs, because apparently that’s what she does every time something hurts.
“Should I let you give birth to the next one, dear? That way no one will be able to spread such stupid words! I would love to have a little girl, as sweet as A-Li, especially if I can skip all the nausea and the pushing at the end! I won’t be able to have another one anyways, so it’s all up to you!”
Yu Zuyuan thinks of Cangse Sanren’s wound, the way the branch pierced her back and went through all the way. She closes her eyes. At least you gave him a son, her upbringing whispers in her ears, but it still makes her sick. Wei Changze silently goes to sit next to his wife and unexpectedly gives her a hug.
“I would if I could.”
Yu Ziyuan once envied Cangse Sanren, for her beauty, for her strong cultivation, for her freedom. But she doesn’t envy her right now. She doesn’t envy her dead legs, her sick child and her wounded womb.
Maybe it makes them even.
She sees the love Cangse Sanren receives from her husband, and how there is no place for Fengmian between them. It hurts and helps at the same time.
There’s enough space for her, she realizes.
She is not their friend. She barely knew them, they had been figures in the background she only glimpsed at before her engagement, fragments of memories her husband shared and echoes of rumors. She is no one to them yet. So she can be anything.
She is, she decides, the Sect Leader’s wife. Their host and superior right now.
“You can’t stay in this infirmary forever,” she says. «We need it for disciples, if they get hurt while training.”
She doesn’t like the fear she reads in their eyes. As if they believe she would cast them out. She is not that heartless! She will make sure they learn that, if they are here to stay. They will respect her.
“I will assign you to another quarter” she adds. “The Right-Hand Man’s rooms.”
Wei Changze’s eyes widen, and she sees him touch the Clarity Bell at his belt. She noticed its presence earlier. Maybe Jiang Fengmian didn’t tell the story of his heartbreak, but she knows what role he had wanted in the Sect for his best friend.
“Is your arm good enough to train younger disciples?” she inquires.
“No,” he says without hesitation. “But I will use the other one.”
Cangse Sanren grins, and pats her husband, as if rewarding him for cracking a joke. Yu Ziyuan is not sure it is one, she prefers to see it as a sign of blind obedience. She likes that. To her utter surprise, she might like this new subordonate.
“Then you will start to do as much. Cangse Sanren,” continues Yu Ziyuan, “What do you need, for your comfort?”
She looks at her legs, and wonders if the woman’s state requires a full time maid. To her surprise, she answers:
“As long as A-Ying has a doctor by his side, I’m good.”
“If she can have some sleep powder, and someone to help her move, this disciple would be grateful” says Wei Changze.
“Changze!”
“You have nightmares” his husband cuts in.
“So? You have some too. I’m fine. The less I sleep, the more I can take care of A-Ying.”
“I will make sure you both get that,” affirms Yu Ziyuan.
Her tone leaves no place for contestation. Wie Changze bows gratefully, and leaves the room, immediately heading to the training field.
“Thank you,” Cangse Sanren says finally. “And sorry.”
It is very comforting to hear that. She didn’t know she needed it; even though it is not fair of Cangse Sanren to offer it. Since when do women have a choice in men’s inclinations?
“There’s no need for you to apologise to me, you are not the one that should be.”
She thinks of Jiang Fengmian, his unrequited love, and of her own affection for him. Then again, since when do men have a choice in women’s inclinations either? Cangse Sanren doesn’t have to return Jiang Fengmian’s feelings for her. If she is as smart as they say, then she knows better than to do so in Yu Ziyuan’s presence. Nothing can happen as long as this truth remains.
Jiang Fengmian is Yu Ziyuan’s husband. He agreed to belong to her. He better keeps his word.
It feels good to put things in order, to make them clear.
Jiang Fengmian hates conflict and runs from it, but Yu Ziyuan needs that confrontation to get better. Talking to the couple appeased her anger—for now—and finally she feels like she can let it go. With them, at least. Now, she can aim it at the right person.Now, she can aim it at the right person, instead of Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze, even Wei Ying.
When A-Li and A-Cheng offer to help—as the couple’s few belongings are moved from the infirmary to their new place—she doesn’t feel any anger or jealousy. On the contrary, she feels proud.
Her children are alright, healthy and kind. She is the Sect leader’s wife. Wei Changze is a disciple of their Sect. Cangse Sanren is Wei Changze’s wife. Their son is sick and needs help. People can say whatever they want; she has the moral superiority now.
Things are in order, in her heart, at the very least.
When everything is done and has been moved, she joins the training field, and finds Wei Changze with the disciples. He is busy moving things with his legs rather than his arms, which seems to make the younger children laugh. She is about to supervise the sword practice, when Wei Changze approaches her.
“Are you disobeying me already?” She hisses.
Wie Changze bows and simply explains.
“This man wished to speak with his Sect Leader’s wife, before going back to work.
“What is it?”
He seems to be choosing his words carefully.
“Sect Leader’s wife has good ears. She also has good eyes and sound judgment. Sect Leader would have not married her if she did not. May I request that she use those skills at this time?”
She scowls, and if her tone is a little harsh when she replies, he certainly deserves it.
“What are you suggesting? That I leave all those gossips running free, under my nose? Are you saying I’m wrong to address these rumours?”
Wei Changze bows again.
“This man didn’t mean that. Sect leader’s wife is right to be angry. This man is very angry hearing those rumors too”, he confesses.
“Then why aren’t you acting up against it! Are you even a man?”
She had thought that Wei Changze was different from Jiang Fengmian, but now it seems that they are the same after all. It makes all her fears and insecurities flare back to the surface. To her surprise, Wei Changze shakes his head.
“This man is taking action against those rumors.”
“How exactly?” She mocks him.
So far she has been the only one to do anything against it. Everyone else has been too busy being worried about the wounded or the monster that almost killed the two rogue cultivators.
But Wei Changze answers with confidence.
“This man acts against those rumors by being a good husband, and a good friend to the Sect Leader. Those rumors are there because people don’t know any better? This man hopes to demonstrate that what they are hearing is wrong. Let them use their eyes and see what the truth is, for themselves.”
He wants to make the rumors stop by being so shamelessly in love with his wife, in front of everyone. This will only work, she understands, if all parties are playing the same game. She has no doubt that Cangse Sanren is doing her part, the discussion earlier makes that clear.
The thing is, can Yu Ziyuan do that? She is proud and confident in her skills. At the same time, she is angry at Jiang Fengmian. She wants to confront him the moment he comes back and scream at him until they settle this situation. Until things are in order in his head too.
Unfortunately, she can’t do that; it will feed the rumors, by showing that their relationship isn’t good, and that there is room for Cangse Sanren to fit in. (As if Yu Ziyuan would ever let that happen!)
Yu Ziyuan is bitter, jealous and proud. She is also smart. She can see the opportunity. It will be hard for her to swallow her anger, but she will do it. For the Sect. Only until those rumors are gone, then I will go back my way and we will settle this, she promises.
“I will take your words into consideration,” she says to Wei Changze. “Go back to work. The Sect does not accept lazy people!”
She turns on her heel, without letting the man protest. There is no room for protest anyway. She will follow his plan, but she will also have the last word, at the very least.
Now, however, she wonders; the plan can only work if all parties are playing the game. She trusts herself, she knows that Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren’s best interests will make them play their part.
Which leaves Jiang Fengmian. If he acts out, if he lets his love get in the way…
She stops, understanding what Wei Changze had tried to say to her.
She will have to wait and see. She will have to judge Jiang Fengmian by his actions. He will have to prove that he is faithful to her, and only her.
And some small part of Yu Ziyuan’s heart wants that. Aches for that.
Chapter 4: To each their monsters
Notes:
Thank you for all your support, it makes me so happy!
I managed to write a lot more han I thought I could -with the quarantine and the work-at-home. So here a chapter a new chapter.
There's a scene that might be upsetting for some ; though I don't know how to explain it without spoiling too much. It's a complicated matter and I will expand about it in the end Notes, maybe you can all help me come up with a decision / how I should present it! I put the said passage under ---- but unfortunately it is not really skippable as it will be discussed in the following chapters ><
I hope you'll like the chapter. I think I will publish the next one on Friday. Or maybe sooner if I manage to write enough in the meantime, because there's a cute scene I really want to show you all...
This chapter has been beta-read a first time by Fraudulent_moose then, perfected by Tinkerlicious, big thanks to them both !
Summary of the previous chapter --> Yu Ziyuan, angry at her husband for accepting back his crush and once best friend, still tolerated them because of their wound and their sick child. Yet when her husband left to take care of the beats that almost killed the Wei Couple, she heard rumors spreading. She decided to have an heart-to-heart with the couple, to make sure they know where every one stood, since her husband seems to be incapable of doing so. The discussion helped ; as it settled down Yu Ziyuan's jealousy. How could she envy a woman who was now, disabled, and probably sterile due to her wound? She was obviously superior, now. Besides she saw the sheer love between Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren. Together, they take several decisions to try to dissipate the rumors. One is to wait and prove to people that there is nothing to fear about each couple's marriage. Under her command, Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren are moved to the right-hand-man quarter of the Sect, too, as they couldn't remain in the infirmary forever. They child, still asleep and recovering, was moved along with them. Despite Wei Changze not accepting to be back to the Sect as the Sect Leader's right hand man yet, he accepted to train disciple and act as such in the meantime.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It appears that the innkeeper is not only a scoundrel, but also a thief. After losing the child he was supposed to be minding, and realizing that his customers weren’t coming back, the man decided to sell everything else that was left in his care. Donkey included.
Jiang Fengmian is not prone to anger; he has to be calm and rational as a Sect Leader, but also as his Lady’s husband. Sometimes however, remaining calm is very hard.
“Who?” he asks the thief.
“Who what?”
“Who did you sell the donkey to?”
“Like hell I know, they had the money, that’s all I care about! Are you friends with those thieving cultivators? They still owe me money for their room!”
As though selling all their things hadn’t covered the bill. Jiang Fengmian is so angry right now, so he does the only responsible thing he can. He leaves without a word. Some things can’t be said when angry, especially by people who hold a position such as his.
He will, however, make sure that people coming to this town, and staying at this inn, know exactly how the owner deals with his customers’ belongings. Since his disciples like to gossip, he instructs some of them to do so in the local restaurants, as they wait for the night.
The Nighthunt is not as successful as he wants it to be. Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze’s investigations were correct; the monster usually only strikes once a year. They find the corpse of it’s latest victim. The poor man had tried to make a tourniquet for his wound, but had still died from internal injuries. The whole body has been left intact—which is apparently unusual—normally people reported finding the bodies in pieces and half eaten, hence why they’d always thought it was wolves.
They retrieve Cangse Sanren’s sword from nearby, where an obvious fight had occurred. There are signs of the battle, but no traces of resentful energy or ghosts as they claimed.
Jiang Fengmian wonders if maybe the whole place is special. Perhaps there’s a portal to one of the other realms, like the so-called Ghost City. It would explain why the creature suddenly disappeared without a trace, if the portal only opens to a certain date.
“In my hometown, there’s an inn,” starts one of the older female disciples, with the clear intention of scaring the younger ones. “It is said that it only appears once the sun has set. The rooms are nice and clean, luxurious and the staff treats you like a young master, no matter what you are...And all of that for free! But, there is one rule that the innkeeper gives with a smile: leave before dawn.”
“Why?”
The disciple makes a dramatic pose.
“Because the moment the first ray of light hits the Ghost Inn, it returns to his realm and all living creatures in it are never seen again!”
It would have worked, if the disciples chosen by Jiang Fengmian were young and lacked experience, but that’s not the case. So most of them just laugh it off, and start to think of a way to actually get rid of any potential Ghost Inns. Their Sect Leader can’t fault them; they came here to fight something big and dangerous and instead they found nothing at all. So he lets them talk.
“We should let that story of yours spread here too,” one of the disciples hums. “After all, some things did disappear from their local inn,” he adds with a smirk.
As a Sect Leader, Jiang Fengmian should tell them to do no such thing. He does not.
It is more difficult to get Wei Changze’s sword back, but after hours of searching, one of his disciples finds it stuck in a tree. If his disciples thought it was shameless for cultivators to leave their swords behind, they don’t dare say it in front of Jiang Fengmian. The fact that this weapon was left abandoned on the top of a pine tree, tangled between branches and a bird nest, makes them understand how dire the situation might have been.
When he returns to Lotus Pier, he discovers that his Lady has moved the injured family from the infirmary. They are still within the sect, she assures him. She has given them the house usually reserved for the Right-Hand Man of the Sect Leader. The one post he has never agreed to give to anyone else. She reports that Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren both have nightmares, and that changing rooms might help them not be reminded of the awful Nighthunt. She also insists they need the infirmary available for injured disciples. He knows that she wants them away. The area she’s given them is close to everything—except the living quarter of the Sect Leader’s family.
“Not that it stops the children,” she scoffs
He realizes she is very angry, but not at the children. She is angry with him. He tiptoes around her anger, hoping it deflates on its own, and dreads the moment it explodes in his face instead. To that end, he keeps himself busy, or inquires about the children.
A-Li had apparently decided—in his absence—to take his place. She visits Cangse Sanren, Wei Changze and A-Ying so many times a day that the doctor has started using her as his assistant. A-Cheng is more reserved. Maybe because his mother scolds him more when he goes to visit? Cangse Sanren explains:
“He leaves toys in front of the door. For A-Ying.”
She looks exhausted, and Jiang Fengmian wonders if she has more than just the nightmares his Lady Wife had mentioned. He does not ask her, instead focusing on the toys she shows him. Old toys that are more suited for toddlers than their son’s age. Did Jiang Cheng give a gift to the boy, or used him as an excuse to get rid of what he doesn’t like anymore?
“You’ve got sweet kids,” Cangse Sanren says with a sad smile; She holds her son’s hand like a lifeline.
“I do,” he agrees, though he is aware of such facts regarding Jiang Yanli, he is taken by surprise at his son’s kindness, if it is indeed kindness.
«He will be a wonderful Sect Leader,” Wei Changze says, as he enters the room.
He had apparently joined the training field with the younger disciples, even though there’s not much he can do with his arm. He also looks tired and pale. It is not reasonable for him to be out so soon.
“He is a little bit too young for you to know that,” counters Jiang Fengmian.
His friends have only seen A-Cheng’s good side, they are yet to see one of his tantrums, or get accustomed to his bad temper that is so much like his Lady Wife’s.
“Exactly!” Agrees Cangse Sanren. “Let kids be kids right now, and worry about them being Sect Leaders when they are actually Sect Leaders!”
That is not what I meant, Jiang Fengmian thinks wryly, but she says it with such confidence. It is careless to think that way. It is so like her.
The image of her lingers in his mind. When he sees A-Cheng playing with his puppies later that afternoon, he thinks of how fragile children are, at this age. How A-Ying was safe and sound at the Inn one day, and gravely injured the very same night. He approaches his son.
“Cangse Sanren told me about your visits to A-Ying.”
The boy stiffens, as if he is about to be scolded. Maybe he should be; he is the future Sect Leader. He should be training during the day, not visiting wounded people. Despite her earlier mistake, Cangse Sanren might also be right. Jiang Fengmian can’t scold him for that. He can’t tell the kid that it is not good to be kind and caring.
“You did well. Thank you for taking care of A-Ying while I was away,” he says.
Jiang Cheng’s eyes brighten.
Jiang Fengmian hesitates for a moment, about to pat his head, the way Wei Changze does to his sleeping boy. A-Cheng is his heir; he needs to look strong in front of the disciples, not like some small child who can be won over with an affectionate gesture or compliments. Then again, there is no one around to see it.
Maybe it’s okay then.
The expression on A-Cheng’s face, when he gets patted on the head by his father, makes Jiang Fengmian’s heart falter.
The next day, Wei Changze opens the door and finds A-Cheng, arms full of toys, caught in the act. It is difficult to make him understand that, even though it is sweet of him, it is unnecessary right now.
“A-Ying is sleeping, you see, so he can’t play with it,” says Cangse Sanren, coming to her husband’s rescue.
“Why he sleeping so long?” the boy asks. “It’s been a…”
He frowns, having trouble getting the time right. Jiang Fengmian realizes Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze had been there for a week already.
“It’s the longest nap ever!” Jiang Cheng says finally. “I don’t like naps,” he adds, for the sake of it.
Worry holds them back from answering him. A-Ying does wake up sometimes, but he is too feverish to be coherent. They spoon feed him some medicinal soup, to keep him hydrated. He calls for his mother and father, he whimpers and cries as if he can’t see them. It breaks their heart that they can’t reach the place he is right now, or hold him when he is so afraid. So they sleep in the same bed as him, hoping their presence eases him, at least a little.
Receiving no response, A-Cheng frowns. He may be a sweet child, but he is not patient.
“Then when he stops napnap, we will play!” He states, it sounds a lot like an order and Wei Changze scoffs, while Cangse Sanren rolls her eyes.
“Yes, future Sect Leader,” she says, sarcastically.
But children don’t understand sarcasm—at least not this one—so A-Cheng beams.
Wei Ying’s fever breaks three days later. He opens his eyes, conscious and aware, for the first time in days and weakly calls for his mother and father. Uncertain, but not pleading.
It feels like breathing becomes a little bit easier in the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. Cangse Sanren holds her baby in her arms, smiling and crying at the same time. She whispers in her child’s ears, stroking his hair:
“Everything is going to be okay.”
Except this time time she believes it. And it is true.
Jiang Fengmian thinks it is true as well. Whatever choice they make, whether they leave or join his Sect, everything will be okay. To his surprise, his Lady Wife also appears relieved, as she watches the little family she hates so much. Somehow, she still hasn’t exploded, even though there were numerous occasions for her to do so in private.
“I spoke with the doctor,” she murmurs. “The bite marks on the child are uneven.”
Jiang Fengmian frowns.
“If they hadn’t been,” she continues. “The teeth would have pierced his heart, his lung and his stomach.”
He would be dead, is left unsaid. He doesn’t know what to do with this knowledge. Apparently, neither does his Lady Wife. Unaware of exactly how lucky they are, the Wei family finishes their hugging. Wei Changze leans down to meet his son’s eyes—expression turning serious again.
“Why did you leave the inn, A-Ying?
“I had a bad dream,” the boy hiccups, weakly. He is too tired to actually cry, but his voice conveys his emotions well enough. “I was alone and bad people were eating me…”
“You should have waited for us, you know you can’t go out when it’s dark,” his mother says, cupping his face in her hands, thumbs brushing away invisible tears.
“But there was someone in my bed! He tried to grab me and eat me-”
Jiang Fengmian swears he is going to kill the innkeeper immediately, and he hears Zidian crack, as if responding to his wife’s similar anger. No one dares ask another question. All Wei Changze does is hug his son again, curling his only working arm around his tiny body, as if he could cover him whole and protect him from everything, including the past.
“You did well to run,” he says.
“It was so scary, they ate me! Daddy! It hurt!”
“No one is going to hurt you anymore,” promises Cangse Sanren, her voice as warm as fire.
Wei Ying doesn’t stay awake long; he is still very weak and the doctor puts him back into a medically induced sleep. A-Cheng—who arrives too late to meet him—complains loudly, he sleeps way too much!
Soon after, Jiang Fengmian finds his friends in his study.
Wei Changze is holding Cangse Sanren in his available arm, as if she weighs nothing, and he almost smiles at the sight. Their expressions, however, are dead serious.
“Sect leader, is your offer still open?” Wei Changze asks.
Jiang Fengmian dares to hope.
“Always,” he says, because if they do not agree now, he wants them to know that they still can later. At any time.
“I am far from worthy,” Wei Changze says. “I failed to protect my wife and my child—” At that Cangse Sanren shakes her head, and takes his hand in hers— “I may not be able to use a sword anymore…”
“Back then, I wanted you by my side because I trusted you—still trust you!—I need your advice, not your sword.”
“We hurt you,” counters Wei Changze. “I betrayed you.”
Jiang Fengmian stills for a moment. The look on his friend’s face hurts. Wei Changze, he recalls, is not like Cangse Sanren; always talking, even about things no one wants to hear. Wei Changze’s words are rare, and always to the point. He believes in actions more than words. And yes, Wei Changze had acted against his words.
He had left.
It had hurt Jiang Fengmian so much. There’s no denying that. It hurt in a different way than when he had confessed to Cangse Sanren and she’d returned it with an apology. Well, that’s going to make things awkward she had said, before they’d eloped.
The thing is—despite what Cangse Sanren believes—Jiang Fengmian was born a future Sect Leader, and grew up aware of that, raised with that fact in mind. He knew that he had a duty to fulfill. He knew that love might not be an option. When he confessed to Cangse Sanren, he might have hoped. But not much. She was a rogue cultivator with no name, and even her bond to the Immortal was not of much importance. After all, she couldn’t return to the Immortal’s Mountain, and she had promised to not spread the Immortal’s knowledge in the mortal realm. She would bring nothing to a sect. Even before that, Jiang Fengmian had given up on it. He hated—still hates—conflict. He didn’t want to win her over; he wanted her to pick him, willingly. Can you call it true love, if you had to step on your friends to get it? He didn’t want to fight his best friend for her affection. If she had loved him, if she had ever truly loved him, she would have picked him right from the start, wouldn’t she? And if he truly loved her—some part of him whispers—he would have fought for her.
As a Sect Leader, he fought everyday over stupid matters, he didn’t need one more. He needed acceptance. He needed peace. He needed people choosing him willingly; or he would be nothing but a tyrant.
She had picked Wei Changze, not Jiang Fengmian. She made Wei Changze happy. He made Cangse Sanren happy.
Even though the whole situation hurt Jiang Fengmian, it also made him happy. It made him feel at peace, because—at the very least—the woman he loved had chosen well.
They didn’t fight. There had been no battle, no game that Wei Changze had won and Jiang Fengmian had lost. Jiang Fengmian hadn’t been playing in the first place. So there was no actual betrayal.
“No you didn’t. I let you go, both of you,” he says at last.
His words are final.
He hadn’t realized that it was what he felt, until he said it out loud. It brings him the peace of mind he’d sought for so long. It also brings a certitude he hadn’t been aware of, if anything had happened to you because I let you go, I would have never forgiven myself. It’s a strange thing to feel, familiar and odd. Not unlike the distress he’d had as a child, at the simple idea that were his parents to pass, he would never recover from it. Of course, it’s not the same, because a parent’s passing is part of the natural order, and it is not his responsibility. If Cangse Sanren, Wei Changze or A-Ying had died, it would have been. A part of Jiang Fengmian would have died with them. That is a truth he can’t deny anymore.
Wei Changze’s lips are nothing but a thin line, but he says, choking on his words.
“If you’re willing to have us, then it will be an honor to be part of your sect once again. I will try to prove myself worthy.”
Cangse Sanren caresses her husband’s cheeks, fondly, and gives Jiang Fengmian a grateful glance. He hesitates.
“Will you be okay with it?” He asks the woman he once loved.
“With what?”
“Being part of the Sect.”
She blinks.
“I doubt the Sect needs someone who can’t walk anymore!” She laughs, derisively.
“You will walk again,” he assures “And even if you do not, you are welcome.”
“Maybe. Thank you for the offer, but I’m pretty sure sects aren’t my thing. And purple would not fit me at all!”
Jiang Fengmian agrees on that point. The pain dulls a little.
“Staying in one place-” He starts, trying to convey that he understands that she is a free spirit, and that being tied to Lotus Pier is going to be hard. She cuts him off.
“-Is okay.”
Her eyes are filled with wild fury, her words are also final.
“My son will have a home. He will be safe. No one will harm him. I will make sure of that. I will never take my eyes off him again.”
“I would be happy,” Jiang Fengmian says, instead. “For you to consider this place your home.”
It is also the truth. It is so close to what he had hoped for- No! So much has changed, but this is still what he wants. What he always wanted; for his Sect to be the place where everyone he trusts and cares about will be safe and sound. It might be impossible, but isn’t that the motto of Yunmeng Jiang Sect, after all? To attempt the impossible?
Cangse Sanren’s expression grows complicated for a moment before she confesses, a little embarrassed.
“I’ve never had a place to call home before, a place to return to… I’m not sure how it works.”
“We will teach you then,” promises Wei Changze.
Jiang Fengmian can only nod. This solemn moment that Jiang Fengmian hadn’t even dared to dream about, is unfortunately interrupted by the sound of children’s screams and cries. In a flash, Wei Changze runs back, Cangse Sanren hurrying him to go faster, Jiang Fengmian following them closely.
They find A-Cheng wailing in A-Ying’s room, and A-Ying crying his eyes out even louder. It is a struggle to understand exactly what happened, because both children are incoherent and hiccuping. It is only thanks to A-Li, who is cradling a puppy in her arms that they get a clue.
“We wanted to say welcome,” she whispers, and before even finishing her sentence, A-Li starts to cry as well—apologizing because she thought it was a good idea, and didn’t mean to cause trouble.
The puppy—unaware that it is all his fault, barks joyfully—as each parent tries to dry their respective child’s tears.
Notes:
Here...
About the scene : it is important because it is related to time-travel tag you can all see...So I can't really skip it. It is however, more complicated than that, hence the reason why there is no tag as "child abuse" in this fic. It is implied, but at the same time, is it really true? You'll discover it in the next chapter. (Or at least get a clue to make your own theory about it I suppose).
I'm sorry if the subject make anyone uncomfortable, I didn't know how to avoid it / present it ??
As for the rest, to leave you with a more happy note, who's point of view would you like to see? I have a future chapter with Cangse Sanren's already. Maybe you're interested in Wei Changze? Or maybe one of the kid? Though they are very small right now, it might be interesting. (Younger than when Wei Ying arrived in the canon timeline, since he didn't live on the street here). Don't hesitate to ask one if you feel like it's missing from the story ^^
See you again, and thank you for your amazing support <3
Chapter 5: The sound of laughter
Notes:
Thank you everyone for your adorable support, I'm very moved by each comment!
Im' glad you're liking the fic so far and even more so when you answer my questions and play theories with me =D It really helps me write the fic the best way I can. So thank you very much!So here is a new chapter ^^
I hope you'll like it as much as the last one. It is a more joyous one, because you need break between angst, am I right?
There will be though, a new factor about Wei Ying's mystery, and I can't wait to see what you'll think of it =DTHIS chapter has been polished by Tinkerlicious ! Big thanks to her :D
Summary of the previous chapter --> Jiang Fengmian returned from the Night-hunt, empty handed. The Innkeeper who was supposed to supervise Wei Ying that very night, stole and sold the Wei Couple's belonging (including their Donkey), and the beast was nowhere to be found. He is happy to find that his wife didn't kick the Wei couple in his absence, and that she was even almost getting along with them. Wei Ying finally woke up, confused and afraid, but all right. His wound, despite being weird, as if the beast attacking him avoided his vital points on purpose, are healing. Unfortunately when he explained how he ended up n the forest in the middle of the night, his words brought another problem to the table ; the InnKeeper might have tried to abuse him. As everyone was taking this possibility as they could, Wei Changze finally accepted to return to the Yunmeng Sect and become Jiang Fengmian's second. Cangse Sanren accepted to stop wandering and finally settled here, too, both for their son's sake. As they discussed about what should be done to the Innkeeper, they heard cries coming from the child's room, and ran to help, only to discover that Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, all too eager to finally meet the little boy, had brought their puppies inside the room.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Ying is scared of dogs. They should have guessed, given what he’d been through, but it still takes them by surprise. Jiang Fengmian immediately proposes to give A-Cheng’s puppies away, and Cangse Sanren is furious at him. So furious that she cuts Yu Ziyuan off, before the Lady Wife can open her mouth.
“Don’t give away your kid’s pets!” She scolds him “Pets are important!”
Yu Ziyuan’s eyebrow twitches for a second, then she nods in approval, and turns her scowl to her husband. Jiang Fengmian now faces two very angry women he both respects and fears. Lost, he turns to his friend, his Right Hand Man, hoping to get some support in this conversation, but Wei Changze shrugs.
“It teaches kids to be responsible.”
“I miss my donkey, he was so stupid,” laments Cangse Sanren, as if she is the one that learned to be responsible thanks to this pet.
Jiang Fengmian is still not happy about it. He had wanted A-Cheng to be friends with Wei Ying, instead he had frightened the boy out of his wits on the very first day. Surely, if the dogs are the problem…
“Nonsense!” Scoffs his Lady Wife, siding with them. “If that’s the problem then just make A-Cheng train his dogs to stay at the kennels! It will teach him how to lead troops.”
“All you will do with that, is make your son hate A-Ying!” Adds Cangse Sanren. “Is that what you want?”
It is, at the very least, a sound argument. He doesn’t appreciate the nods of approval that his Lady Wife and Cangse Sanren share. He should like it, certainly, it’s better if they get along. But it’s also very scary. Nonetheless, if everyone is against the idea, he won’t fight it. A-Cheng can keep his puppies. He is about to leave, when Wei Changze whispers:
“Don’t just give A-Cheng an order, explain things to him.”
Jiang Fengmian likes his best friend very much, but Wei Changze is pushing it.
“You have to be careful,” Jiang Fengmian explains to his son nonetheless. Since he is forced to let him keep them, he might as well have a discussion about it with A-Cheng. Wei Changze is (unfortunately) a good adviser. That’s why he wanted him as his Right-Hand Man after all. It would be hypocritical to ignore his words when he asked for it. “A-Ying is very scared. You saw the wound on his body, it is because of a bad dog.”
“Bad dog,” the boy repeats, with a frown.
“You can’t let your dog bite him again. Do you understand?”
“But mine are good!”
“You don’t know that yet. They can bite like bad dogs. It’s your job to teach them not to. A good dog is one who will not bite, no matter how much stress they are underYou can say they are good dogs when they choose to be careful even when they are hurt or scared!”
A-Cheng nods seriously, even though the concept is probably a little bit too complicated for him. He promises nonetheless. As far as he can see, A-Cheng respects the order for the rest of the day; leaving his puppies in his bedroom while he rushes to Wei Ying’s side with toys in his arms. A-Yanli is equally eager. She combs Wei Ying’s hair and braids it, like she would with her doll, while his brother plays with him. Wei Ying, Jiang Fengmian discovers, is a chatterbox like his mother; and A-Li reacts to himas Jiang Fengmian does with Cangse Sanren, nodding and humming to every word, but to his surprise, A-Cheng actually answers back. And jokes. And laughs.
Is it because they are the same age, and so think the same way?
Either way, all adults are relieved to see that the children get along, and to hear Wei Ying laugh and chat as if nothing had happened. They can’t forget it; but his laugh makes it easier to push it aside to the pile of the problems they will have to deal with in the future, and enjoy the present.
“It’s like they already adopted him,” comments Wei Changze.
On hearing that, A-Li’s head perks up.
“May I? May I have him as a sworn brother?”
Yu Ziyuan is watching Jiang Fengmian, careful, and he is aware that she might explode at any moment. It is very difficult to explain to a little girl that while girls can make a vow of sisterhood, and boys can be sworn brothers, boys and girls cannot be sworn siblings without people assuming there is more to it than that. She frowns, unable to grasp the logic.
“But A-cheng is my brother, and I’m a girl and no one says things about us?”
Cangse Sanren laughs and says,
“Fuck the system, if you want to be my A-Ying’s sister, then you are!”
“Fuck!” Repeats A-Cheng and Wei Ying proudly.
They take Cangse Sanren away from the children before she can do more damage. But it’s not the swear words that Wei Changze seems to be worried about.
“We can’t let them say that. They are not brothers and sisters,” he says to his wife.
Yu Ziyuan smiles. Both Cangse Sanren and Jiang Fengmian are hurt by his words. But he understands —Jiang Fengmian has ears after all, he’s heard the rumors going around— and is willing to give up in the name of peace. Cangse Sanren is, as always, willing to fight.
“This is their choice. If they want to be, then they are! I’m not saying A-Ying can’t have sisters and brothers because of me!”
There is something else behind her words, a wound that is still fresh and bleeding. Her words stab Wei Changze in the heart, and sadness taints his features. Jiang Fengmian can’t stand the sight of them fighting, so he says.
“Let’s talk about it when they are older and it is not purely on a whim. A-Ying is the first friend they’ve made, let’s wait until they have other friends so they can make this decision knowingly. They can be sworn brothers and sisters. But not now.”
Mentally, he notes the idea; maybe it would be best if he allowed other young children to play with his children too. Maybe the Yunmeng town children. Maybe other Sect kids. He looks at his Lady Wife, as he says that, looking for approval or disapproval in her face. He only sees anger.
“When those rumors are gone,” she states, making him aware that she knows.
When the rumors are gone, he repeats in his mind. It is a deal they seem willing to accept. It is something they all hope for, Jiang Fengmian realizes.
But how do I make those rumors go away?
It is something he must do, as Sect leader. Except he isn’t sure how to do that. Letting his friends go didn’t work- and he isn’t doing that again. Jiang Fengmian hates fighting, yes, but that doesn’t mean he can’t fight. That means he keeps his strength for causes and principles he is willing to go to battle for. This is one.
So he asks his now official Right-Hand Man for advice.
“Be a good husband,” his friend says. “Make them all see that there’s one woman in your life.”
Jiang Fengmian isn’t sure how to do that, first because that’s not the truth. There are several women in his life. Cangse Sanren, his friend, but also, his little girl A-Li.
Speaking of A-Li, she insists on making a lotus pork ribs soup, because the doctor said it is full of good things, and it helps patients get better. A-Cheng insists too, because he wants Wei Ying to get better so he can get out of the bed and they can go play outside faster.
So far, the closest he could get with that, is when Wei Ying saw his mother being carried away by his father, and decided that he wanted that too. Except that Wei Changze had only one arm available; and Wei Ying was definitely not strong enough to walk on his own after being in a feverish slumber for so long. Before his father could say anything, the boy had decided that his father’s legs were the perfect sitting place- and since he had two, the other leg was also perfect for his new friend.
Wei Changze ended up with Cangse Sanren on his arm, Wei Ying on his left leg, and A-Cheng on his right leg. Each step he took made the three of them laugh, so he walked through the whole sect twice.
As much as Jiang Fengmian is happy that his children are so fond of the little boy, he can’t help but be overwhelmed by their enthusiasm. They are going to kill his Right-Hand Man at this rate, after all Wei Changze is still recovering too.
“They just have a new toy,” comments Yu Ziyuan. “They will get tired of it soon enough.”
She doesn’t seem very sure about the last part, especially when she sees A-Li arriving with her first poorly-made lotus soup. The young girl sees that she’s being left out in this game, and is invited to be also carried, but on the back of the man.
It makes the gloomy atmosphere that fell into place a week ago slowly fade away. Disciples who witness the whole scene start to grin and ask their leader if it’s a new way to train.
“You think you can do that?” Yu Ziyuan tells them. “You can barely handle the training weight I give you!”
Some disciples protest, but some accept the challenge and start carrying the youngest ones just like Wei Changze. Laughter fills the whole place.
“They really make a mess everywhere they go,” observes Yu Ziyuan. “And it is not just Cangse Sanren’s fault this time.”
She doesn’t seem bothered one bit, more so she appears amused.
For a moment, Jiang Fengmian hesitates, thinking about the advice his best friend gave him to stop the rumors. Surely this feels like a good opportunity. Everyone is watching and happy. Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze are shamelessly acting like a family. He eyes his wife and thinks about what he can do to show everyone that he loves her.
The thing is, he is not sure he does. He respects her, definitely has affection for her, and sometimes he is pretty sure he does. This is not one of those times.
Still he reaches out for Yu Ziyuan’s hand and takes it in his. She seems surprised by his action, and her lips slightly curve up.
“Thank you for allowing this,” he whispers to her, because it’s true, and he needs to recognise it, to gather enough affection to do this shameless act of affection in front of everyone.
Yu Ziyuan’s lips curve downward after that. He doesn’t know what he did wrong.
“It is useful,” she says with her usual scowl. “Like shooting kites, it can be used to train too.”
She still keeps her hand in his, so he supposes it is a good sign. Jiang Fengmian prefers it though, that everyone is so focused on Wei Changze’s display rather than him and his lady. Even if he knows he shouldn’t think this way.
It makes him nervous to be seen like that. He knows he has to be, but he can’t help but think that what is private should remain private. He is just not as bold as his friends.
But I have to fight for this.
So he still does it.
Fortunately dinner gives everyone a rest. Wei Changze is red and lying on the floor, exhausted, while the children eat. Jiang Fengmian feels like he walked naked in front of his disciples and he is equally red.
Somehow, they all don’t feel comfortable enough to let children completely out of their sight. Before, Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian didn’t mind leaving their children under the supervision of their disciples. Now, they hesitate a bit. The innkeeper’s shadow seems to lurk in the shadow of their own children, and it makes them wary. What if they trust the wrong person? So they all dine in the family hall, eating the first meal A-Li cooked -almost- all by herself. Wei Ying is being spoon-fed by his new sister, and said sister seems to be the happiest, while A-Cheng looks at them like they’re babies — even if he is the youngest of the lot. He turns to his mother to ask her to make them stop, but Yu Ziyuan looks at her daughter, and before she can say anything Canse Sanren interjects.
“It’s the doctor’s order, A-Ying must be babied until he recovers, and your sister is the doctor’s assistant, right?”
Yu Ziyuan closes her mouth and if she’s sulking she doesn’t show it.
To that A-Li nods, proud. A-Cheng is not convinced, but he adds part of his meal to Wei Ying’s plate after that; so he can stop being a baby faster, he explains.
It is a funny sight, heartwarming.
Yet they have more important things to attend to. Adults things to talk about. Things children shouldn’t overhear, so while they finish their meal, the adults increase the distance to make sure they can’t, and still keep an eye on them from afar.
“What do you want to do about this innkeeper?” Yu Ziyuan asks Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren.
The couple frowns, and Fengmian feels his heart hardens. If his friends ask for the man’s head...He closes his eyes and breathes in, trying very hard to convince himself that he can’t do that. He wants to. For the first time in his life, he really wants to kill someone.
He definitely can’t do that, even if he has the power to do so and get away with it. It is the thin line between a Sect leader and a Tyrant.
They talk about the problem, what they’ve done and what they can do, what they can prove and what they cannot prove for a long, long time.
Wei Ying falls asleep in the middle of dinner, and A-Cheng throws a tantrum to sleep in the same room as him, because he slept so long it’s not fair! I need to be there to wake him up! In the end A-Li also wants to sleep with her new little brother. It takes one angry look from their mother to quell them.
“Enough, he needs to rest!” She shouts. “You are not helping him right now! Sect leaders’ children do not act this way!”
The kids go back to their bedrooms so fast that it leaves Jiang Fengmian astonished.
“You need to teach me that,” Cangse Sanren says, whistling with admiration.
“I will,” comments Yu Ziyuan. “If you stop swearing in front of my kids.”
Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze share a rare moment of common fright, and fortunately the doctor wants to speak to them, interrupting their wives before they can trade their parenting secrets.
The doctor is an optimist. The boy has a little bit too much Yin energy, and they still have to be cautious as he needs to regain his strength, but he thinks he will have almost no long lasting effects. Well except the wolf’s bite scar. Even the star shaped marks seem to be fading.
Sadly he is wrong.
Wei Ying wakes up in the middle of the night, and frightens his parents when he says that the man is back, is in the room, and is looking at him. He points to a space in the corner, where there is nothing. Wie Changze examines the place, to put him at ease, and he feels a little bit of resentful energy.
They lull him back to sleep, assuring him that there is no one there. That they will protect him if there is. It doesn’t work. Wei Ying wakes up a second time. Cangse Sanren, who was keeping guard just in case, notices it.
She notices the fact that her son can’t move at all, nor scream for help, despite his eyes being wide open, and his frightened expression. She shakes him out of his paralysis, and when he does finally move, he cries and cries.
“Did you see him mommy?” he pleads with her. “Did you see him now?”
She didn’t. She saw no one.
Notes:
The next chapter is a mix of all the adult's point of view...And is the longest one I've written so far xo (Around 9-10 pages - I try not to go past this limit because I know myself, if I do, you'll have chapter of 80 pages every two months instead and I'm trying to have a better rhythm of publication!)
I hope you'll like it!
EDIT : there was a typo in this chapter but it was too adorable to be lost so I add it here : “Wei Ying is being spooned by his new sister, and said sister seems to be the happiest,” The reader who pointed this out told me in english ‘spooned’ refers to being the ‘little spoon’/being held from behind in a cuddle. Oops !! I'm sure Wei Ying wouldn't mind being the little spoon of Jiang Yanli but here he was definitely being spoon-fed :)
Chapter 6: Madam Yu's method
Notes:
Hi everyone <3 Thank you again for your wonderful support and comments, it makes me super happy !
I thought about the publication rhythm of this fic and decided upon this : to give you a chapter every two days ! So, if we follow this pattern, next chapter will be up on Tuesday ^^
I hope you'll like it (and I hope I will manage to keep this rhythm, but so far I have a lot of chapters already ready so I feel confident!)Now, place for the biggest chapter of all, I tried to include a little bit of everyone POV, I hope it feels okay / Fluid and that you'll like it.
Congratulations to Mr Turtle who spotted immediately what Wei Ying's condition would be called in real life =D and on LonesomePhantom for immediately thinking of what Cangse Sanren could do ! *clapclap* I hope I'll see a lot more of you two's theories in the future to, let's see of you guess the plot again ! =D As for the other, I enjoy reading your theories too, so thank you for sharing your opinion/ideas with me! Of course when you're right I can't tell you, and when you're wrong I can't either, so if you ever guess it right you'll have the same kind of message as those two readers earlier, a congratulations when the chapter giving off the revelation is published ! =DNow enough talk, I will let you read the new chapter.
Summary of the previous chapter --> With Wei Ying's awakening, the atmosphere of the sect got better. Wei Changze started to train with the disciple and easily won the affection of everyone, especially A-Cheng, and even showed a new way to train : carrying a kid on each leg and one on his back. In the meantime, the rumor continued to spread, and Jiang Fengmian asked his friend's advice in order to save his marriage. Yu Ziyuan's patience was wearing thin. After a day full of laughter, something happened ; Wei Ying woke up screaming in the middle of the night, insisting that the man that tired to "eat" him followed him there. But when he pointed out the place where the "monster" was standing, Cangse Sanren had to admit the truth : she saw no one.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Changze talks to the doctor first thing in the morning. With him, arrives Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian.
“I don’t know,” the man says, after auscultating the child. “I checked him with a talisman, he is not possessed. His Yin is a bit higher than usual, but children this age have higher Yin in general, and with that wound he got...”
Yu Ziyuan calls him incompetent, and the man seems to shrink down.
When they ask Wei Ying if the person he sees is the same as the one from the night hunt, the kid nods. They ask him to describe him, this time.
“He’s big,” he says, “and all black, likes smoke. His eyes are red and when he opens his mouth, there’s tons of people screaming they will eat me!”
They thought the innkeeper was responsible; but now they are not sure anymore. What caused Wei Ying to run away in the middle of the night? Is it this something that only he can see or feel?
“I’ve never witnessed such a case before,” confesses Fengmian.
He eyes the sleeping boy, from afar, the doctor gave him some medication, because if the boy can’t sleep, then he can’t recover. While he had a fever, or was in a medically induced sleep, he didn’t have these symptoms. They hope it will work. The kid very much needed his sleep to recover.
“Are we sure it is not a nightmare he has because that man did something to him?” Asks Yu Ziyuan.
“No we’re not,” affirms Wei Changze. “I’m still going after him.”
Cangse Sanren is silent, frowning. Her husband is the first one to pick this up.
“You know something?” He guesses.
She shakes her head. Unfortunately, it is morning, and disciples are waiting for orders, and not receiving any. They are obviously looking for them, and some had succeeded. The fact that Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan, Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren are all together, just outside the room of the couple, is not helping the rumors.
It is, apparently time for Yu Ziyuan’s patience to run out.
“Enough!” She screams at them, when overhears the first gossip.”If you have time to talk you have time to train! Go do some laps!”
Fengmian is the first one to react, as he had been wary of this happening for days now. He is both grateful that she holds it that long, but also a little bit annoyed that it has to explosed now, of all times.
“Let’s head to my office.” And he turns to the disciples “You run around until we come back.”
His disciples have never run so many laps around the sect in so little time.
Wei Changze nods, lifting his wife with one arm.
“A-Ying”, Cangse Sanren protests, and she watches the doctor that healed them all since day one with caution. It might be unfair, but she can’t help it. Not after everything that happened.
He is about to turn to the doctor and ask him to watch over Wei Ying in their stead, but Yu Ziyuan is faster.
“Jinzhu, Yinzhu!” she calls, Zidian crackling on her finger.
The two maids appear immediately, and they bow to Cangse Sanren, assuring.
“We will keep an eye on your son too.”
Cangse Sanren bits her lips, she looks torn for a second, but it only lasts that; a second. The next moment she gives them all a weak smile and cracks a joke, kd
“Woah! My son is already this popular with ladies!”
For the first time, Jiang Fengmian wishes she would stop smiling. When Wei Changze starts to walk, and they get close enough to Yu Ziyuan to talk, she whispers to the Sect Leader’s wife a small “thank you.”
To that, Yuu Ziyuan only frowns. She has been quiet and patient for days now, but enough is enough. The instant they reach the Sect leader’s office, she slams the sliding door and barks, thunder in her tone.
“We talk now! All of us! And no one is going out without telling all they have to say! Is that clear?” She points at Wei Changze. “I’ve tried your method, but now it’s time to use mine!”
Wei Changze can’t bow right now, so he nods instead.
“You’re right, Madam. I apologize if my words made you think that you couldn’t, it is not my place to tell you how to act. If you allow me though, I will use both methods.”
Jiang Fengmian isn’t sure he understands all that is happening. First because they are referring to something he doesn’t know of. Second because Wei Changze is talking to his wife with such cautious words and deference, like a servant. When his friend says something to him, it is straight to the point and honest. Why is she getting special treatment?
And Yu Ziyuan is both pleased and irritated by this. She likes to be respected, but doesn’t like to see people tiptoeing around her like they walk on eggshells. He can tell. Because, surely, he is the one who is the most used to his lady’s tempers and right now-
“You!”
Jiang Fengmian is startled. Why is she pointing at him now? Why is she ignoring Wei Changze? Surely it is unfitting for a Sect leader to hide behind his best friend, but- Engulfed in his incomprehension all he can mutters is an uncertain,
“Me?”
“You are my husband!”
“Yes?”
Wei Changze had his only arm busy, so Cangse Sanren was the one to give Jiang Fengmian a not-so-gentle push in the shoulder. It apparently made connect his two brain cells.
“Of course I am. These rumors-”
“Are here in the first place because since they’ve arrived, the only thing you do, the only thing you think about, is them or related to them!”
Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren seem to be trying very hard to be anywhere but here right now.
She is right, of course. It makes her accusations hard to swallow, and hard to counter. But what could he do? It’s not like there’s any other urgent matters that require his Sect leadership right now! What does she want him to do? Ignore his friends, who are injured and in need of help? Why are they even discussing this in the first place, when Wei Ying is sick and hallucinating! She’s the one being unreasonable there; they are discussing his marital problem, in front of his friends, when Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng spent hours with Wei Ying! Is it an illness of the mind, simple nightmares that aren’t contagious, or is it something else? Something like possession, a curse, something that could spread and affect weaker beings like children without a core?
His own mind can’t help but remember every touch Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng exchanged with the boy. Analyzing the memories, wondering if somehow, they could be affected by this. He asked them to be there for Wei Ying. They obeyed him. He encouraged them.
“Can we talk about this later?”, he says, as calm as he can. “There’s something more urgent-”
“When then?!” Yu Ziyuan argues, ”This is why rumors do not die down! Because you refuse to talk, you run away and you let it be!”
“I don’t. I need more time. I’m working on it.”
“How?”
“I’m thinking about it.”
Yu Ziyuan opens her arms in disbelief, and it annoys him more than it should.
“Great! And how am I supposed to know that?” She says.”If you don’t tell me?
“Because I need time to understand the situation and come up with a plan, before I can tell you anything. I can’t give you a half-baked solution, can I? And you didn’t tell me you were doing anything about it either.”
“That’s no good, communication is the key to-” Cangse Sanren starts.
“Like you’re one to talk!”
She blinks, she had been expecting a reaction from Yu Ziyuan, but certainly not Jiang Fengmian, and (betrayal!) her very own and dearly beloved husband, Wei Changze. Little did she know they all ganged up against her.
“What array did you use to get to Lotus Pier in a blink?” Asks again Yu Ziyuan.
“What do you think A-Ying has?” Asks Wei Changze.
“Are my children in danger too?” Asks Fengmian.
Yu Ziyuan stops and stares at her husband in disbelief, but for the first time, not openly angry. Cangse Sanren, on the other hand, is embarrassed.
“I suppose I really do hold a lot of things back. Huh...Well. No, I don’t know what A-Ying has, I have suspicions. But no, even if it is what I think it is they are not in danger. and finally...”
She opens her hand.
“I used an array that I should not know about, and if my teacher ever hears about it, she’s going to get down off her mountain and murder me! Okay, maybe not murder , maybe she’ll just brings me back to the mountain and never let me go...But since I can’t run away anymore I would rather not have that happen!”
The silence that follows is more overwhelming than the previous dispute. There’s so much to unfold, so much to talk about, yet no one seems to know how to say it, where to begin and how to end it in peace. They are supposed to be adults; they are parents, yet right now, they feel as lost as children.
“So you don’t think it is just a nightmare after all that he went through,” finally asks Yu Ziyuan. “You think this might be something else,” She turns to her husband. “But not something that could hurt A-Cheng and A-Li?”
For a moment she considers the options of what she could do, what she would do to this family if they are a threat to her children. There’s worry in her voice and heart, because she knows the answer to that question: anything. If the child is possessed, her mind whispers as her fingers touch Zidian, it can be easily dealt with. She tries not to think about whipping a kid this young, who is weak and already injured, with her weapon, but there is a certitude in her heart that she would do it, if she has to. If there’s no other choice.
Cangse Sanren shouldn’t worry about her ex-teacher going after her, if she’s wrong and A-cheng or A-li are hurt, Yu Ziyuan is way more dangerous, and closer to her than the immortal right now. So Wei Changze steps in.
“What do you think it might be, then?”
Cangse Sanren sighs.
“Common people call this Sleep paralysis demon, but my teacher called it Ghost oppression.”
None of them had ever heard of it. But Jiang Fengmian remembers the story of the nighthunt, and they did talk about ghosts. Could one of the ghosts have followed them to this place? Is that what haunts Wei Ying? Normally ghosts needed some physical attachment to ground themselves; either an object, or a person they knew when they were alive. None of these make sense. If that was the case, they would have noticed. They tested the couple using a talisman, it would have set itself ablaze if they were possessed. The doctor checked their spiritual energy. The only explanation for Wei Ying being the only one affected by hallucinations and a ghost would be that a curse was put upon him.
The grey star shaped mark, maybe? But they were fading...And the doctor said it was more of a mark that showed the kid’s cognition being affected by the wound.
Could one ghost somehow have managed to sneak inside Wei Ying’s wounds, since they were full of resentful energy? He never heard of this in his whole career as cultivator.
“So you learned that array on the mountain?” Wei Changze remarks. “Are you allowed to talk about it?”
“I think I can, not everything I learned there is a secret! It’s just...i’m not sure I remember enough.
“What do you remember then?!” Inquires Yu Ziyuan, thunder in her tone.
“My lady”
“Don’t you dare protect her, and don’t you think I forgot you, we will talk after this!”
Cangse Sanren pauses, and looks at Yu Ziyuan right in the eyes.
“What I do remember is that this thing, if it is what I think it is, is not contagious.”
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t hide his relieved sigh.
“What is it that you remember then?”
“There was a boy”, she says. “I don’t remember his name, Xiao...Something. He was very young, around the same age as A-Ying I think. The youngest among us. Since it was a given that no one here had a pleasant life before, we were used to new kids having nightmares. But his nightmares were really awful. So awful that one day Baoshan Sanren stayed in our dormitory to keep an eye on him. I-”
She frowns, as if she’s currently watching the memory unfold before her eyes.
“One of the kids, the one who slept next to Xiao-whatever, called it the sleep paralysis demon, but Baoshan Sanren corrected him. That’s why I assume it’s the same, I mean, sleep paralysis demon is a very descriptive name, right? Much more than Ghost oppression! Anyways, I don’t remember what she did. But the kid got better and better. He still slept with us, without a protective talisman, and no one got a single of his symptoms. By the time he grew a golden core and I was leaving the mountain, it had stopped completely.”
“But you don’t know what she did?” Inquires Wei Changze.
“No. It is possible she did something when i wasn’t looking, you know? All I remember is that, for a while, she played music before the curfew. I teased Xao-whatever, saying he had a personal lullaby and he told me it wasn’t, that it was some important music from the Lan Clan.”
“Can you hum me the melody?” Proposes Wei Changze.
She tries, but winces after a few notes. Cangse Sanren is a lot of things, but not a good singer, she is totally tone deaf. It doesn’t stop her from humming lullaby to her kid, but it does prevent them from replicating the song. Thankfully the situation is not as desperate as before.
“Can’t you ask Baoshan Sanren about it?” asks Yu Ziyuan.
Everyone goes silent. It seems like the most logical solution, but somehow, Cangse Sanren’s face ashens, and her husband’s valid arm finds its way around her shoulders.
“I took a vow to never come back, and to never speak to her again. She won’t help me,” Cangse Sanren says reluctantly.
“You’re annoying, but surely, that’s a bit extreme. She can’t be that heartless,” brushes aside Yu Ziyuan,“Can’t she understand a mother being worried about her son? Didn’t she act like a mother to all those orphan kids?
“No.”
Cangse Sanren’s voice is cold.
“She is not heartless,” she adds quickly, like a child who just realized they had been mean. “But she has her own set of morals. Immortals are...Immortals are different. They are not flawless.”
It sounds unbelievable, for them. Reaching the state of immortal, is after all, every talented cultivator’s dream. Not a lot of people are able to dream fully, seeing both good and bad sides of their goal.
“She just has...Time is...Different for her.”
For a moment Cangse Sanren seems lost in her thoughts, and Wei Changze encourages her,
“Talk. It might make more sense when you put it into words than when you keep it in your head.”
Cangse Sanren hesitates, but nods and finally resumes.
“She does not mean it, but she’s lived for so long... She speaks of people who had been dead for years, as if they were just gone yesterday. Once I got punished for, well, being me. She told me to stay put until she came back. Surely I thought she meant a couple of hours. She came back to fetch me three days later! For her, she just thought it was an appropriate amount of time for a child. I thought I had been left to die there, honestly because there was no water around. Fortunately I had a little bit of inedia training so I managed, but after that I stayed really vigilant. Especially when she punished little kids who didn’t know much...”
Cangse Sanren suddenly waves her hands, laughing nervously.
“Last time we talked, we kinda had a big fight, and I told her she was locking us up in the mountain, she told me she was protecting us and giving us a chance to live, and that only death awaited me outside. So I told her I would rather die free than live under her care!”
Her voice was strangled with guilt. Wei Changze’s hold on her gets a little softer, and she leans on him, finding some support in his silent presence.
“She might help me cure A-Ying,- she admits -but I’m scared of what she will ask in exchange. You’re right, she acts like a mother to us. A strict mother. That’s why if I go back, breaking my vow, she will find a way to teach me a lesson. She is capable of curing Wei Ying, but she’ll ask him to remain on the mountain with her in exchange. Without us.”
That is not acceptable. Is it? Can she be called a bad mother for fearing that her child will be taken away in exchange for his health?
It is what Baoshan Sanren would do, because she is a great immortal, who is wise and selfless and does the right thing no matter what. As much as she wanted to get away from the mountain, what Yu Ziyuan said is right, Baoshan Sanren is the closest thing that Cangse Sanren had to a mother. She likes her as much as she fears her. She is her unreachable model and her threatening shadow. It is only when she gave birth to A-Ying, that she realized that she just can’t be the same kind of mother. Wise, patient, firm, protective, fair, and selfless. It hurts and relieves her equally.
Right now, Cangse Sanren wants to hug A-Ying until he goes back in her womb, to lock him up from all harm that might happen and never let him go. Just like Baoshan Sanren did. And she’s afraid to do that. Nonetheless Baoshan Sanren let her go, for her own good. But she’s afraid to do that as well.
“We will find another way then,- Wei Changze states without a doubt -No one is taking my son.”
“Immortals are overrated anyways” agrees Yu Ziyuan.
Part of Yu Ziyuan is feeling sorry for Cangse Sanren, the motherly part. No one should take away one child from their mother. The other, the jealous part, is very afraid of the idea of Cangse Sanren going to the mountain, and coming back to the sect without a kid, her marriage broken by the tragedy. Available in front of Yu Ziyuan’s husband. She is not letting that happen.
So she continues, “Besides if it’s not contagious, then there’s no problem. And it might fade overtime, like you said.”
“will give your son a clarity bell. It is not as good as a Lan Clan song, but it might help. If it doesn’t...Well the Lan Clan is righteous, they might accept our request for help”, concludes Jiang Fengmian.
Cangse Sanren does not cry, but she does sniff on her husband’s robe. Once. Maybe twice. She wants to thank them for indulging her, for letting her be selfish and keep her child.
“Though, you did shave Lan Qiren’s goatee, he might want to punish you too”, comments Wei Changze.
“Is there any place you go where you don’t make people mad at you?” Wonders Yu Ziyuan, annoyed.
“Nope, that’s my way of life!”
But she pauses, suddenly serious.
“I need to ask you all something; I need to test this.”
They understand what she means by that immediately.
“How long”, asks Jiang Fengmian, simply.
They are painfully aware that what she ask means that Wei Ying is going to go through that experience again. The longer she waits, the more her kid suffer. She bites her lips furiously, until they are red and swollen. She estimates to what extent, she can allow her kid to be hurt, again, on her watch. It is a difficult decision that cost her, they all can see it.
“Two nights,” she finally admits. “During this time, i ask of you to quarantine me and Wei Ying. This is not contagious” she repeats to Yu Ziyuan. “But i want to observe the phenomenon without it being altered by other factors.”
She also wants to see if she can fight it. If she can stop it on her own. To her demand, Yu Ziyuan frowns but does not oppose. Jiang Fengmian, simply nods :
“This will be done, in the meantime, i will send a letter to Cloud Recess and asks for their assistance on this case.”
Cangse Sanren nods, grateful, and stares at her husband, expecting his answer the most. He is the one she leaves out of this, with this decision, the one who will be out, unable to help their child. She knows she is being selfish. But she also knows he can understand, because he is wiser than her. Wei Changze does frown, he is unhappy with it. But he still says:
“I will leave you my clarity bell, I don’t know if it can help A-Ying, but if you think you need it at one point, use it.”
He stops, and turns to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan.
“As for myself...I will go and talk to that innkeeper, if you’d allow me.”
“I allow you”, agrees Jiang Fengmian.
Cangse Sanren kisses her husband’s cheeks, and whispers,
”You, make sure that if the Innkeeper is guilty…”
“No one will find his remains if he is.”
“Just make sure no one knows you’re from the sect if you do”, Yu Ziyuan adds.
“I will, thanks for the advice Madam.”
This is far from a perfect, well rounded solution. But it’s is all they have right now.
They are well aware they will need another plan: how to explain to Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli and Wei Ying that they can’t see each other for two whole days. But this is a matter that can wait. At least in Yu Ziyuan’s eyes.
“Good, now that everything is settled.”
She faces them all.
“No one is getting out of this room before we talk and stop this awkward situation and those rumors, is that clear?”
‘Which awkward situation?”
“You took my hand only because you felt forced to do so!”
“That’s not true.”
“Then why? To thank me for letting them stay?”
“No of course not.”
“You looked like you wanted to curl up and hide, is it that shameful to be seen with me?”
“Of course not, it is just-”
“It is what then?”
“-Embarrassing…”
Yu Ziyuan is pissed. If Cangse Sanren could facepalm herself to the death, she would do so right now. Wei Changze, kinder, simply whispers.
“Oh Jiang Fengmian...You really should explain more of what you feel…”
Which seems to be the one comment Jiang Fengmian doesn’t need.
“Like you’re the one to talk!”
“I talk about my feelings. Sometimes.”
“In bed he doe-”
“-Oh gods would you just shut up Cangse Sanren!”
They bicker like kids. It takes two, long, dreadful hours of yelling, provocation, teasing and apologies, before anyone can actually get it out. But when they do, all of them are aware of the game they have to be playing, all of them know their places, in the sect and in each other’s heart. And all of them are in peace with that. Yu Ziyuan is still angry; but she understood- thanks a lot to Wei Changze -that Jiang Fengmian needs time too, to process things up and come up with something he finds acceptable. He also needs to find another way to show he cares, just as much as Yu Ziyuan does. They need to find their own way to love. So she agreed to give him as much time as Cangse Sanren has: two days. The deadline never wears its name so well, because if he asks for more time again she will murder him. They still have a lot to work on, but for now, they’ve dealt with enough.
Outside, they find half of the disciples of the sect on the ground, trying to catch their breath after way too many laps.
Yu Ziyuan crosses her arms, and thinks that, if their sect disciples can’t even handle two hours of jogging, then she has another problem to keep her mind busy with. The poor disciples seem to understand what her glare means, and they let out a widespread, painfilled and distressed moan.
Notes:
Next chapter is Cangse Sanren's point of view, I hope you'll like it !
Chapter 7: Locked up
Notes:
It's not April fool, few. Because it's like the saddest chapter 'I've written so far, it would be a really terrible one xo
I hope you're ready for it...
I promise you it gets better at the end ?Thank you again for your amazing support, and comments it really motivates me, I can keep up the publication rhythm only thanks to you all <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren is alone with her kid. Wei Changze carried her back, once everything had been settled down. He left to help Fengmian quarantine the whole area, after making sure she didn’t need anything. The man immediately left afterwards, ready to get that Innkeeper.
It helps. A bit. Not much. Cangsen Sanren isn’t sure what she wants right now. Part of her wants the Innkeeper to be guilty, to believe that Wei Ying’s nightmares are only that; nightmares. Because it is something they can take care of right now. But at the same time she prays that it is not. That no one touched her son, that she didn’t entrust him to a monster she didn't know how to fight nor heal the damage that was inflicted. Because of this, the other part of her wishes her son is haunted by some ghosts, or cursed. Even though she doesn’t know what and she doesn’t know how to cure it yet. Because it’s familiar, it is something she is good at handling. Lastly, she hopes it is not what Baoshan Sanren faced, that she will not have to go back to the mountain and leave her son in that woman's care.
She is aware that it makes her an awful mother; none of the available situations are good. Overall, she wishes nothing had happened at all. That they had never stopped in that damn village to nighthunt. That she had recognized her baby right away when she saw him in that damned forest, and protected him. She wishes she was strong enough to crawl back to the mountain and plead Baoshan Sanren to cure her son, ready to accept whatever price she would ask in return.
But she is not.
“Mommy?”
Wei Ying is starting to awake, the doctor warned her about it; he is too small to take a great dose of sleeping powder too many times. Acupuncture points could be used, if they have no choice, but it is not as good as real sleep…
And to test things out, she needs him conscious. She needs him to experience the whole deal again, so that she can understand what it is and fight it.
“Hey sweetheart”, she whispers to his ears. “I’m here. Don’t worry, everything is going to be okay” she lies. And Wei Ying’s eyes brighten a bit. He nods, hopeful, and grins back.
“That’s my smiling boy,” she congratulates him with a kiss on his forehead, “The one I love the most.”
Cangse Sanren apologizes to her son, in the back of her mind.
“When the man is gone,” Wei Ying asks. “Can I play with A-cheng and A-li?”
She promises him he will, and this time, it is not a lie.
Cangse Sanren underestimated what she could do alone though. With her legs like this, she either has to crawl on the ground, or grab her sword. She finds a way to unsheath it just enough from its scabbard, so that she can lean on it without getting cut. If she makes it fly very close to the ground, she can hop on it and move that way. She will have to polish this skill because right now it drags her more than anything, but at least it makes Wei Ying giggle.
It feels so good to hear him laugh. She was so scared he would not laugh anymore. That he would not open his eyes. That he - She closes her eyes and forbids herself to think. Instead, she lets her son grab her legs and get dragged along by her, just like he did with his father yesterday.
He has yet to understand that it is not some new game. She leaves this information for later and focuses on the more urgent stuff. There will be time to explain things to him; maybe she will not even have to, maybe her legs will heal.
“A-Ying, mommy needs to work on some talismans, will you help me?”
Of course he agrees. A child’s help is not really reliable, but she appreciates the gesture. He is drawing on talisman paper, with a bit of her charcoal while she does write down what she remembers of what happened in the mountain.
People say Cangse Sanren has a bad memory. She doesn’t. She has a selective memory; and remembers only useful things. Names are not that important. Dates are optional. As long as you got the story right, who cares if the Princess is named one way or another and if she is the second cousin of your great-grand-aunt?
It tired Baoshan Sanren, when she studied under her care. But the immortal was wise, and always shrugged and said “We all learn things our own way, what works for one, doesn’t for another. As long as it works.” And it works.
Cangse Sanren’s method works for her.
Details from what happened, from her childhood on the mountains resurfaces as she writes things down. She recalls the sweet features of the boy, his screams at night, the confusion of her fellow comrades. People being afraid of him, at first, then mocking him for being the worst cry-baby they ever sheltered, until one of them witnessed his paralysis one night and called their teacher. No one saw his “ghost” either. She is sure of that. Baoshan Sanren asked every single one of them, when she investigated. So at first, she recalls, Baoshan Sanren said they were mere hallucinations. She gave him medication...But she can’t remember what plants she used. Traditional medicine is not her forte. She writes it down. She continues to explore her memories.
But she doesn’t find much more than what she already told everyone else. So she continues to work on the talismans, to be ready for the night. She tries to come up with seals for each situation. At some point, Jiang Yanli manages to sneak inside the place, while her brother distracts the adults, and she has to call their parents.
When she is done, someone has brought them food. She suspects it is one of Yu Ziyuan’s maids, she’d definitely heard the sound of a robe.
The discussion helped- it was exhausting, and full of yelling and difficult subjects no one truly wanted to tackle but had to, at one point. Jiang Fengmian’s solution might have worked, given time, but it would have been awkward in the meantime. Cangse Sanren is not sure she has enough energy to deal with just another problem right now, so she is glad that this one is behind her.
Though, she will definitely tease Yu Ziyuan in the future, for always starting her conversation the same way; “Jiang Fengmian is my husband.” Like it’s something none of them know. And she will probably have to talk to the couple too, this method worked this time, but it hurt. And Lady Yu’s words, despite being true, hurt Jiang Fengmian. Does he deal with this all the time, since he is married? Does she always circle around him, glaring and barking, until she explodes with truth and reproach like that to his face? It must be exhausting and upsetting. It must be hard for Jiang Fengmian to deal with.
She also has doubts about Wei Changze’s plans though. Not that she is unhappy at being allowed to be shamelessly in love with him in front of people. She likes that very much- especially because she knows that Wei Changze will play along with her antics, like he always does. The thing is, she doesn’t feel like being happy and lovely dovey right now, she feels like crying.
She looks at her legs, touches them, unable to feel the pressure of her fingers on her skin. Where does that leave them? How will this fit in their love life? She doesn’t know yet, she is afraid to see the full extent of what she lost that night.
Is this truly her life, now?
But she forces herself to swallow that down, and see what she hadn’t lost. And that’s her life, her husband, her son.
“Mommy?” Asks said son, with an embarrassed look. “I need to pee…”
The rest of the day is complicated. The first night is awful. Wei Ying is afraid to go to bed and sleep at this point and she has to cuddle him and sing him a lullaby, knowing full well that she is not sending him off to a peaceful place.
She counts the incense stick, praying that the ghost won’t be here. That it is a one time occurence. That her husband is currently dealing with the real monster. That she is wrong.
Her prayers aren’t heard. Her son’s breathing grows erratic and he opens his eyes. She takes up a bunch of talismans. He can’t move again. Cangse Sanren tries her very best to be near him, so he can notice her, but it is as if he can’t see her. She follows the direction of his gaze and there is nothing. Not even resentful energy for all she can see. The defenses she prepared for the day are useless.
“Leave my son alone”, she hisses still. “Go away!”
She can feel something, small and resentful; but it is inside Wei Ying’s body, not in that tiny corner, like her son seems to believe. She puts on his chest a talisman that is supposed to absorb the energy.
It turns dark immediately and crumbles. How much Yin energy is this? Much more than what she’d originally felt!
It lasts only a couple of heartbeats, then it dissipates. Wei Ying can move again; he hugs his mother, and cries in her arms.
“You saw it, this time!- He huffs, relieved -You saw it!”
She didn’t. That’s what scares her the most. She knows it’s normal, but it still scares her that something is definitely there, hurting her baby, and she can’t even see it. She convinces him to sleep, once again, promising that this time, she isn’t leaving his side; she will keep him safe in her arms so the monster can’t come and bite him. A-Ying doesn’t seem convinced, but he tries. She closes her eyes and sticks another talisman on her son’s back. She listens as his breathing slowly even. Like she had done so many sleepless nights while he was feverish.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t mean to fall asleep too. She supposes she is more exhausted than she thought she was.
This is a painful experience. She has the same dream again, the one she’s had since they arrived on Lotus Pier.
It always starts the same way, with her saying goodbye to her son at the inn, making him promise to be good and to smile. And she faces the Innkeepers smile, as that bastard promises them that their son will be safe for the night in his establishment. She hates him. She wants to strangle him right now, or at least pierce his body with her sword. But her dream-self thanks him instead, and she feels sick as she leaves with Wei Changze, heading for the forest.
There is a lot of blood where the missing person was “abducted”. But also signs of struggles. They follow the clues, broken branches and steps in fresh mud. It’s been hours so she doesn’t think the victim is still alive, and it does look like he has been chased by a pack of wolves. Until suddenly, they feel a burst of Resentful energy. It comes from another direction- the blood prints are leading somewhere else. And for a long time, Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze share a silent glance. They part.
In her slumber, Cangse Sanren pleads them to stay together, but she knows they can’t hear her.
Wei Changze getting to the place where they feel the energy, and her looking for the corpse of the victim. Her dream-self enters a cave, and finds the missing person. Alive. Very afraid and hurt. He had enough knowledge to avoid bleeding to death, somehow, with a tourniquet, but the extent of his injuries are upsetting; it seems there are more internal injuries. She understands immediately that it means the monster is looking for another victim, since he hasn’t truly killed anyone this year. She gives him a bit of her spiritual energy, to tend to the most urgent wounds, and allow him to move again; run back to the village maybe.
And then comes the scream. Wei Changze’s scream. She turns on her heel, asking for the villager to go, as she unleashes her sword. She runs to her husband, wary it might be a trap, an illusion. And it is, surely. Because after a few steps after heading out, she sees Wei Changze running toward her direction, pale and determined. They stop, both surprised to find one another here, uninjured.
They shouldn’t stop, they should stay on guard. Cangse Sanren wants to scream at them, they should be more at guard than they are right now!
But all the couple does is make the sign with their hands that only they know about, made specially for these kinds of situations; to assert the other’s identity. It is them. It is no illusion. They sigh, relieved, open their mouths and-
It is over before they can understand it themselves. Cangse Sanren remembers what Baoshan Sanren told her, years ago about dreams.
“One cannot dream of their own death”, she had said, while stroking her hair. “The dream always skips that part, you dream about after your death, you dream before your death, but not the death itself.”
Yet, this is exactly what happens each time in her nightmare. She feels the heat of the strike. The hiccup that seizes her, as she falls on the ground. She sees her own legs, in front of her very eyes. And the blood. So much blood. It was so scorching hot before and now her whole body grows cold so fast, like the bite of snow. The pain almost numbs her, as she feels a hand cup her cheeks. Wei Changze is crying in front of her.
And she cries too, when she realized he had been sliced in half. Just like her.
She doesn’t see the light leave his eyes, her own vision is too blurry, and everything is over before any of them can even utter a word.
The dream doesn’t end though, she hears her A-Ying calling her name, crying. She can’t reach him anymore, she doesn’t have an arm. She doesn’t have legs. She doesn’t exist and it’s a strange concept to be aware of.
She sees the innkeeper take her son by the collar and throw him out of his establishment, saying he is not taking care of orphans. A-Ying screams that he is not, that his parents are coming back. But then the bastard let his dogs out to chase A-Ying away.
Then it’s a blur. She sees A-Ying grow thinner and thinner by the day. Watches him curl in a ball in the back of an alley and make little dolls with soiled straw he found. He doesn’t call her name or his father’s anymore, they are reduced to simply Daddy and Mommy. He forgets them. She feels her own consciousness fade with her souvenir.
She lets her spirit get inside the dolls, as her tiny boy hugs it, and whispers that he promises he will be good, he will smile. She feels like crying, feels like dying a second time.
When Cangse Sanren wakes up startled, it’s because A-ying is whining, not smiling like his dreamself. She hears the sound of a flute.
This time when she opens her eyes, for a second, Just a second, she sees it.
The figure is dark and made of fumes. His body is screaming, tiny black faces opening their mouths to shriek out. They call for help. They call for blood. They hurt. They beg. She can recognize resentful energy when she sees it. It is worse. It feels worse. It seems like this thing is made up of thousand years of torture. As if they have never been put to rest. It is standing near their bed, and its gazes is red as blood. There’s too much noise, the melody the flute plays is like a scream. She recognizes her own voice, the tortured souls mimics her again and again, mocking her tone, crying with her, echoing her pain.
“Leave my son alone! Go away!”
The creature smiles at the request, and his jaw opens to whisper a word. It reverberates in her bones. As clear as the day, as if the whole word had come to an halt.
“No”
It sounds like Wie Changze’s, and yet, it is not. It sends chills to her bones, and makes her blood run cold.
Then the creature bends his head and his mouth approaches A-ying’s face. Cangse Sanren remembers that her arms are still able. She remembers the forest, where A-Ying called for her, and she called him monster, right before the actual monster snatched him in its jaws.
Never again.
This time she moves, this time she sends spiritual energy with her blow.
The monster vanishes as if he was never there. A-Ying’s paralysis ends, and he hugs his mother.
This time, she doesn’t convince him to sleep again. And she doesn’t fall asleep either. She goes back to work.
The second day is not better. She scrapes her head raw, looking for a solution. Trying to remember everything. There has to be something, something she missed. Something Baoshan Sanren did. Because she remembers that the kid got better. Did Baoshan Sanren see the resentful energy like she did one day? Did she miss that? Or is she wrong and this is something entirely different, something else, something new?
Why couldn’t she remember. It was important. It was useful! Why did her past self not see that it was useful back then?
“Mommy, look, I’m meditating too!”
A-ying is imitating her, his head down while his whole body is on the bed. A terrible posture for meditating, surely. She smiles at him and tells him she’s proud, that at this rate, he is going to be an even better cultivator than she is. A-Ying beams.
Maybe she should start training him so he can form a golden core as early as possible. She can’t remember much, but she knows that the boy of the mountain didn’t have nightmares anymore when she left.
The maid brings them lunch and the clarity bell. She takes Wei Changze’s clarity bell and ties it into her son’s hair. The closer it is from the point where the monster was aiming for. Wei Ying seems happy to hear the sound of it each time he moves. Especially when she explains that it is his father’s. But he refuses to eat food.
“Cultivators don’t need food,” he says.
It is true that inedia needs to be learned to become a cultivator. But he is too young for that, and he needs to get back his strength. After all, he was feverish and hurt.
“Cultivators don’t need food,” insists the boy. “And they don’t need to sleep”, he adds, weaker.
Cangse Sanren’s heart breaks. She always thought she was strong, that she was able to smile through pain, both physical and emotional. But being a mother taught her that there’s one pain she can’t overcome, and brush away with a joke: her son’s.
“No A-ying. Cultivators need to sleep.”
And she will need him to sleep, once again, that very night. It makes him cry, and she makes sures he drinks enough water to compensate for all those tears. Her son’s distress, and her inability to heal it, makes her pray, again and again that she will find a solution. She has to find one. She has too.
“Maybe the ghost doesn’t come during the day, but only at night,” she tries to reassure A-Ying. “What about a nap?’
“Don’t like naps”, he complains. “Cultivators don’t nap…A-Cheng said so.”
But he still yawns, because he is tiny, and hasn't had a good night's rest since he woke up after a full week of fever and grave injuries.
It doesn’t work either. The clarity bell doesn’t work. Nor her talismans. The array she draws around the bed is useless too.
It is a nightmare. A living nightmare. And she can only do so much. A-Ying is going to go crazy if he can’t sleep. He is going to die.
Suddenly breaking her vow and crawling back to Baoshan Sanren, begging for her to save her son, seems less awful. If it means her son can rest, that she doesn’t have to force him to sleep and face this thing.
But as A-ying clings to his mother and begs her to not leave him, to not leave him alone with the monster, her heart squeezes. She hugs him back and keeps him close, so close that no one can take him back, and her resolution falters.
Before that , she forces herself to think, there’s other solutions. The Lan Clan . She wants to try everything. She still has several hours before dawn.
In last resort, she paints directly on A-Ying’s skin with ink. The only thing she is sure of, is that Xiao Xingchen- oh she remembers his name! Hurray for sleep deprivation for making her think better! -was okay once he got a core. By applying ink on the meridian, maybe she can force the spiritual energy of her son to act like a disciple forming a core. Baoshan Sanren used to do that when she trained them: she drew something on their fist to force the energy in so they could understand the difference between a normal punch and a spiritual one. She also used this method when she taught them a little bit of spiritual medicine; making sure with scripture that the energy would flow the right way even if the disciple made a mistake. She can adapt that method. She has too. She has no choice but to try. It’s either that or sealing her son’s meridians and she can’t do that because he needs to heal. If his body purges all its yin energy by itself, maybe the monster can’t materialize. All she has to do is remember her training from when she was building a core and force her son’s energy to do the same right now.
And finally, it works.
A-Ying sleeps for hours and wakes up without being paralyzed. Without seeing the monster. It works. He is now a living talisman but who cares?
Cangsen Sanren can’t believe it. She will not have to drug her little boy every night. She knows it is a temporary solution right now, she is also, vaguely aware that her solution might be a lot more than what she uses it for, something revolutionary for sects, but A-Ying smiles at her and that’s all that she cares about right now.
“I didn’t see it! Mommy! I didn’t see it! It’s away!”
Her little boy cups his mother’s cheeks, and promises to her,
“It’s gonna be okay!”
As if she is the one who needs to be comforted. He is like the son in her nightmares. So strong, so much like him. It’s going to be okay, I don’t have to lose you to save you , is all she hears. And she kisses him on his forehead until he giggles and pushes her away. But she doesn’t care. She is just relieved.
And suddenly, the little boy in her arms asks,
“Now, can I go play with A-Cheng and A-Li?”
Notes:
Next chapter is a nice one...With A-Cheng's point of view ! (You asked for kids, and here is the first one to get it!)
It will be published on Thursday. =)
Chapter 8: Through a kid's eyes
Notes:
Hi everyone !
Thank you all again for your amazing comments and support <3
Here is the first kid's pov of the story, as I promised...Welcome tiny A-Cheng's pov!
I hope you'll like it, I had fun writing it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Two days, and two nights. It means a long, long, very long time. Like he has two sleeps on two fingers before he can get to see A-Ying again. And no, he can’t raise two fingers, and curl them down to make it happen faster. A-Li explained that to him. A-Cheng is really pissed about it.
A-Ying slept for so long, they could only play a little, and he is already going back to sleep? He is lazy, super lazy! Mother would never allow A-Cheng to sleep so much! Crap A-cheng would be bored to death if he had to take that many naps in a day! It’s already awful when his mother’s maids force him to take one!
Are people forcing A-Ying to take so many naps?
A-Cheng had only known the boy for a short time, but it is enough to convince him that adults surely did. It’s what adults do. Force children to nap. Well not on his watch! When he will be sect Leader the first thing he will forbid are naps. Sleeping too much is for the lazy, his mother said so! There’s no lazy people in their sect!
So he comes up with a plan to rescue A-Ying from this terrible fate (he better be grateful and become his friend). Fortunately his sister A-Li agrees to help him, and with her help he feels invincible!
The plan does not work though, despite their best efforts. A-Cheng tried to get in through the front door during meal time, but he got caught. He threw a big tantrum, but that didn’t move his mother’s maids at all. Instead she dragged him all the way to his father.
A-Li managed to sneak in, using the window while the maid was distracted by A-Cheng. But she got thrown out before she could even talk to A-Ying too and ended up in the same place as her little brother.
In their father’s office.
A-Cheng doesn’t understand why it’s father who is dealing with this, when it is usually mother who scolds them. He likes his father better since A-Ying’s parents are there, but he is not sure he likes this change at all. It’s a bit scary.
“Are you angry?” asks A-Li to their father, worried and remorseful.
She looks like she’s about to cry, and it makes A-Cheng want to cry too.
“I’m not angry, I’m disappointed”, father says.
Future Sect leaders don’t cry, but he already disappointed his father so A-Cheng lets his tears fall just like when A-Ying screamed instead of saying hello to him. He doesn’t understand; why is he disappointing father when he did just as he told him to do? He is a good friend, he is trying to protect A-Ying from naps! He tries to explain that but his nose is sniffing and he can’t see and something is in his throat, turning words into hiccups and sobs.
A-Li tries to comfort him, but she is crying too, and their father is a mess. He looks panicked and it makes them panic too. Father never looks panicked, he always knows what to do, surely it only means that something terrible is about to happen. Maybe he doesn’t know what to do with them! Maybe he doesn’t know what to do with A-Cheng!
But A-Cheng’s worries finally come to an halt when his father’s hand pats his head in a soothing manner. It is a foreign act, but A-Cheng likes it very much. It is one of the good things his father started to do after A-Ying’s parents arrived.
“A-Cheng, A-Li,” his father said with his solemn, tranquil voice. “I’m glad that you want to help and protect A-Ying, but he is very sick right now.”
A-Cheng knows that; he saw the bandage that covered A-Ying’s body. But he also doesn’t know that because they managed to play a lot yesterday, and he seemed well enough. He had a little trouble using his arm, but so did A-Ying’s father! And the man still carried all of them through the sect. Twice!
“Will he be all right?” Asks A-Li with a worried frown.
“He will, his mother is taking care of him.”
Oh. So it wasn’t a true nap, A-cheng realizes; It was that kind of nap. The kind of nap that makes his mother stay at his bedside, to kill with a glare the mean spirit that made him sick, allowing no one but her in his bedroom. That is why A-Ying is all alone with his mother too. She is beating the disease to the pulp!
“I want to beat the disease out too!”
He learned how to glare like his mother, and he had a wooden sword, surely he could do it too. But he never saw what his mother actually did when he was sick, because he slept through it each time.
“I can make more soup”, proposes A-li, eager.
It makes their father smile.
“It will help. But you know what will help even better?”
They both shake their head, expecting the answer.
“For you to train your puppies, so that way, when Wei Ying can go out and play, he will not have to worry about it and fall sick again.”
A-Cheng certainly thinks it’s a very good idea. That way he can play with his puppies when his future-friend is busy; And play with his future friend without worrying about making him cry because of the puppies. They waste no time and run to the kennel, where the three doggies bark joyfully at their sight. They are so cute and fluffy, and they’re always happy to see A-Cheng, so A-Cheng is happy to see them too.
They’re not like his future-not-yet-friend, they don’t cry the moment he says hello. They’re good doggies! Dogs are better than humans , A-Cheng decides.
Though, he would very much like to have a human friend, because even though it didn’t last long, A-Ying was fun too. When he was not crying and napping.
“What should we train them for ?” wonders A-Li. She holds the tiniest puppy of the lot in her lap.
It is an easy answer question.
“To not be bad dogs!”
But the situation is more complicated, A-li explains. A-Ying was scared of the dogs before he could see if they were bad or good.
“We should train them so that A-Ying can’t see them!” She concludes. “They will protect him without him seeing them!”
It bothers A-Cheng a bit; he is the one who is supposed to protect A-Ying. Father said so.
“Since they’re your dogs, then that means you’re protecting him!” A-Li soothes.
It immediately makes him feel better. That’s logic! That’s brilliant! His sister is definitely the best! The smartest! And the prettiest! But then she kisses him on the top of his head and he changes his mind. She’s sneaky and gross!
They train for the rest of the day. But since it’s hard to explain to puppies that they can’t approach someone who is currently napping and not there, they end up teaching them all tricks that come to their minds. And each time Father or Mother are in sight, they both show them their progress with pride.
“Look! Look!”
A-Cheng shows his father how he managed to make Jasmine roll a scroll all the way up with its nose. Father is a little bit impressed, A-Cheng can feel it. Even though he asks,
“Why?”
But Mother is very proud right now.
“Good. It doesn’t matter what order you give them, as long as they obey. When I was your age,” she explains to Jiang Cheng “My father gave me a whip, and told me to come back only when I managed to make a tree bend under my weapon. I didn’t know why, but I still did it. It taught me that everything can bow before you, as long as you hit them the right way. That’s what a good sect leader is, he orders and everyone obeys, even if the order seems stupid at first. Because he knows more than you.”
That explains, so, so much , thinks Jiang Fengmian, a little bit scared. But A-Cheng doesn’t understand much of what his mother is saying, all he gets is that he did great and should continue.
The second day, though, his enthusiasm had gone with the good night sleep. He has no idea what more to teach his puppies. Neither did A-Li. He is considering looking for A-Ying’s father (he hadn’t seen him in a loooong, very looong time!) and asking him to disguise himself a A-Ying to fool the puppies, when he hears:
“A-Cheng, A-Li, do you want to go to the town with me?”
A-cheng bounces back on his legs. The town! He isn’t authorized to go to town yet except when he learnt how to swim, and that was a very long time ago! Mother said he wasn’t old enough to wander there. Even A-Li, who is older can’t go yet! And now not only they can, but also with father?
It is definitely a surprise to see that his mother is also part of the trip. It is less fun when he sees her two maids. He doesn’t trust them at all, they look identical and they always manage to catch him when he runs and hides before his bath. When they are here, it’s always the two maids who take care of them rather than Mother or Father. So he is a little bit sad too.
But he doesn’t show it, because he is a future sect Leader, and future sect Leaders don’t cry, they frown!
It is hard to keep up his frown though, especially when Mother asks them to bring the puppies with them.
“Let’s test your training.”
At first it’s a little difficult to make the puppies obey and stay by his side, through the town. It’s overwhelming, there's a lot of people, all around it’s a lot noisier than at the sect. Even A-Cheng is a little bit lost. People are smiling and not acting like other disciples at all with Father and Mother. It’s so strange. One of the ladies offers him a fruit and calls him “young master” as if she knows him. A-Cheng doesn’t remember her at all! He is being rude! Sect leaders can’t be rude or it’s war! So he tries to smile like A-Li and thank her and then he asks,
“Who was that?”
But the answer is lost to him when he spots a couple of children his age playing near the pier. They are throwing mud at each other and laughing. He wonders if he would be allowed to do that when A-Ying wakes up. Surely, Future Sect leaders must know how to win a mud battle. It seems like an important skill to have! But he can’t go alone, and A-Li can’t play with mud. She’s a girl. Mother might get mad if she gets her robe dirty.
It’s okay , he thinks, A-Ying is going to be better soon, Father promised . They will be able to play like that at the sect soon. He is sure he can beat A-Ying in a mud battle! So instead he hugs one of his puppies, and when one of them is about to go and greet one of the street kids, A-Cheng whistles, and the puppy comes back immediately to his feet.
That’s a good dog! A-Li gives him a treat while A-Cheng pats it. Father and Mother even nods like they’re proud.
After a while, though...A-cheng is starting to feel numb in his feet. What’s the purpose of the walk? Mother and Father rarely are together, there is probably a reason. Are they there yet?
He thinks way too much about his feets and how to conceal the fact that it hurts- Sect Leaders don’t show when it hurts! -so much that he misses when the group shifts. Somehow, he ends up with his Father and A-Li. Mother, her maids, and the dogs are out of sight.
He is a little bit worried. He knows his mother is strong and she can scare bad people away, but- At the very least Father doesn’t seem worried; if mother was in danger, he would be looking for her, right? Right now he only stares at a shop with A-Li.
“What do you think A-Cheng?”
He turns to his father, surprised. His father is showing him a green hairpin. It’s pretty, but it’s for girls.
“Is it for your sweetheart, '' inquires the lady behind the stall with a smile.
“For A-li?” A-Cheng asks, eyeing his sister. But the traitor is giggling behind her sleeve.
Father nods, then he adds. “For my wife.”
A-Cheng blinks, once. twice. Then he rushes to the stalls.
“I wanna give Mother a present too!”
Which prompts A-Li to do the same. After a while, Father accepts their demands, and lets them choose one item each. A-Cheng chooses a ring that will go well with Zidian, he thinks. A-Li gets her earrings.
“Oh my, what a lucky lady, you must all love her very much,” whispers the seller with a big grin.
“Yes,” is what Father answers after a short pause.
A-Li also hums in agreement, and A-Cheng’s smile grows wider; he loves his Mother as much as she scares him sometimes! But he can’t say that because it will make her mad.
Father gives them the money to buy their gift, but A-Cheng is too small to give it properly to the lady...So Father puts his hands around A-Cheng’s waist and lifts him up just enough so he can pay.
This is the best day ever! He doesn’t know what A-Ying and his parents did to his Father but he likes it. He likes the way he smiles more, and how he explains things now instead of saying just no, and how he is with A-Cheng now. He hopes they will never leave, that way his Father will stay that way, and so he asks,
“We come back with A-Ying next time? With his Father and Mother?”
But his Father shakes his head.
“No” He hesitates, once again, and adds: “I think it will be our little secret, just the four of us.”
That is even better; he never had a secret with anyone but A-Li before. But it was mostly to hide things from Mother and Father, so how does this work? Hiding it from A-Ying? Or the disciples? That won’t do, he wants to brag about it to them!
When he spots his Mother, he rushes to her side to give her his present first. She calls him silly to spend money on this, but she still puts it on her finger, and there’s a smile under her scowl. Same with A-li’s present. She has a strange expression on her face when she gets the one from Father though, and her cheeks get all pink, as if she had just run all around the sect. If she is tired, surely it is all right to say he is too; so he asks for a break. They all eat at a restaurant near the dock.
A-Li looks at the pier, and the lotus, and whispers to A-Cheng that as soon as A-Ying will be healed, they can all go and teach him how to swim. A-Cheng can’t wait to do that. But he also doesn’t want this moment with his parents to end yet. He looks at them, expectantly.
They don't act like A-Ying’s parents; his Father doesn’t carry his mother around like A-Ying’s father does. They don’t kiss or touch in front of people, and A-Cheng is a bit relieved because it’s gross. But...he feels like something is different between them.
Ah!
He gets what is is when his Mother snaps at the waiter for forgetting A-Cheng’s pastries, and then scolds Father for saying it’s not important. That’s it. There’s no yelling. Mother didn’t yell at Father until now. Even when he took far too much time to order his meal, she just said “tch” and waited.
He blinks, and can’t help but hope that things will stay that way. But he also hopes he will get his pastries too, so he is glad Mother yelled a bit.
When they are back home, it is already dark, somehow they’d spent the whole day together. A-Cheng can’t remember when that ever happened before. A-Li was tired, and Father had started to carry her home. when she asked him if he could carry Jiang Cheng too, he’d agreed. Now he is in his father’s arms, and he is not sure he wants to get down, even though they are back at the sect.
He is scared. What if Father never does this again? What if his friends leave and things are back as before? He doesn’t want that, so he asks, his arms clutching at his father’s robe,
“Father, Is A-Ying staying?”
Father looks surprised, and he asks,
“Do you like Wei Ying that much?”
A-Cheng isn’t sure, he doesn’t know A-Ying a lot, but he definitely likes what happened after he arrived. And he does like the idea of having a brother. A-Li is all kinds of great, but she doesn’t like swords and fights. So he nods. And Father turns to A-Li.
“You too?”
A-Li hums and explains.
“Yes! I like him a lot! He is okay when I kiss him on the head, and when I braid his hair unlike A-Cheng! And he eats my soup!”
Which is unfair because before, A-Li only made mud soup, so of course A-Cheng didn’t want to eat it! But also, it is a good deal. If A-Ying stays he can do all the girly things A-Li like in his stead. A new good reason!
“Well...I do think they will stay” Says their father with a tender smile.
And A-Cheng feels his heart beating faster.
“Forever?”
There’s sadness in his smile.
“For as long as they want to.”
A-Cheng decides that he is going to make sure A-Ying will never want to go.
Notes:
Next chapter is Wei Changze's first pov as he goes to town and gets revenge...! It will published on Saturday then =)
What do you think about it, now that you have more information about Wei Ying's condition, what do you think the innkeeper deserves? What do you think will happen? =)
I wish you all a good day and see you on saturday!
Chapter 9: Ghost anger
Notes:
Thank you all for your amazing support and comments <3
It really helps me keep this rhythm of publication so thank you you're the best <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Changze is not prone to anger. On the contrary, most people he met would describe him as calm. It is a way of life he developed early on, as a kid. He had many brothers and sisters- too many for their parents to feed them all -and so he learned to be as quiet as possible, in order to never stand out. To be worthy of his name and be as silent as a ghost. It was not a behavior he enjoyed, meeting Cangse Sanren made him realize it, but as a kid he thought it was very much needed.
It didn’t stop his parents from selling him as a servant to the nearest Sect. They wanted him to have a chance- his adult self knows that now -to make sure he wouldn’t starve. His kid self, however? He just understood he was thrown out, unwanted. So, the first time he was angry, truly angry, it was at his parents. And his reaction to that was to forget about them- everything he could: their faces, their names, everything that hurt to think about - keeping only their last name, mostly because he didn’t have a say in the matter.
It was luck that Wei Changze befriended the sect leader’s only son. It was luck that the heir needed a partner to train. It was luck again, that Wei Changze had a natural gift at cultivation, and that Jiang Fengmian was of a kind nature, not one bit jealous.
Surely, Wei Changze had been very lucky.
People also often say that Wei Changze is the voice of reason, a good adviser despite his low birth, and the only one that could tame Cangse Sanren.
They are wrong. Wei Changze just learned early on to never, ever, get caught when he did cause mischief. A talent he earned thanks to his numerous sisters and brothers, then his life as a servant, then as the friend of the sect leader heir, and finally, as the husband of Cangse Sanren.
It’s a skill he puts into good use when he arrives in front of the Inn he’d left A-Ying at the night of the tragic nighthunt. Jiang Fengmian, the kind man, had given him a couple of disciples to help. He invited them to a restaurant, with instructions to talk shit about that Innkeeper, but do nothing. The rumors are already bad from what he heard on the road, something about Ghosts and people disappearing during the night. It’s going to be easy.
He, on the other hand, disregarded his sect robe, and put on new ones he bought on the way there discreetly. He snuck out of the restaurant while some disciples were ordering.
He came back, only minutes later, to order his own meal, in his sect robe, as if nothing happened. He acts all surprised when they hear screams from the street. “The inn is on fire!” A passerby cries out.
“The inn is on fire!”
Disciples from the sect immediately turns to him with wide eyes and he says with a monotone voice,
“Oh no, what a disaster.” It fools no one.
Luckily, inns are always at the border of a town, the first thing wanderers come across when they arrive, so no other building is currently in danger. There were also very few guests at the time because of the rumors...
“Disciples, it is our duty, as cultivators, to help out and save as many lives as possible,'' he orders to the representative of the Yunmeng Jiang sect.
They are obedient, and eager; it shows that they grew under the kindness of Jiang Fengmian, and with the hard training of Yu Ziyuan.
Wei Changze is not like his best friend; he holds a grudge. He is truly undeserving of such a great man’s friendship. It is beyond him, how Jiang Fengmian allowed them to be back to their side after all they did to him. Because Wei Changze can forgive- when he has to, he is a lowly servant, he has to forgive many times -but he never forgets. He would never be as noble as the sect leader.
This lowly servant counts on doing none this time, neither forgiving nor forgetting. He even has the- unnatural -ambition to get revenge.
As youngsters arrive and save the day, evacuating customers from their rooms, and using talismans’ to quell the flames, he rushes inside and kicks the door open since he has only one arm.
Wei Changze had dealt a lot with the Innkeeper- he had been the one to book rooms for his master, then when he eloped, for his wife. He knows the hours they are the busiest; and it’s during meal time. The bastard must be at the back of his establishment, near the kitchen- trying to see if the fire started here and if he can salvage his establishment. Maybe he even tried to get his savings, under the fireplace is a common place to hide your goods, instead of helping the evacuation. You know? Like a bastard.
And the innkeeper is indeed, a bastard.
It is easy to scare the shit out of him and corner him, making him believe Wei Changze wants to kill him. Because that’s the truth. And that’s what is going to happen if he answers his questions wrong.
He pleads, and begs, and he confesses everything; stealing stuff from his customers’ room, selling their belongings if they dare be late for the check out...He even confesses spying for clans, from time to time, getting some information here and there from passers by that think their room is safe enough to talk business.
But when Wei Changze asks him if he ever touches children, his eyes go wide and crazy. He sweats and chokes at the idea, not because of the fire.
Here’s a thing with bastards: they have their own rules and principles. This one swears on his head and all he held dear that he would never- ever -stoop so low. Despite himself, Wei Changze believes him; because it’s easy to confess crimes you didn’t commit when facing death. It's hard to stay true to your principal and your innocence when someone breaks your arm and puts your face so close to a flame that you can feel its heat. Even more when the face of the person interrogating you is clouded thanks to a cultivation trick. Common people tend to shit their pants at the simple mention of anything supernatural, so being attacked by what they think is a vengeful ghost tends to trigger them.
So. Innkeeper, thief, bastard, but no rapist.
“So you will only lose your goods,” Wei Changze decides, before knocking the man out.
He drags him out of the danger, and leaves him on the street, in front of scared yet- somehow -starry eyed disciples. Then he goes to help the evacuation, because he would be damned if a single innocent is lost because of his vengeance.
It also helps a lot, being busy. He fights a fire in and out, having been burning for days. He failed to protect those he cared about, those he loved the most, he failed as a cultivator, a man, a friend, a father and a husband. It burns his mind so much more than the actual flames burn his skin.
What torments his son is not the InnKeeper’s actions. It is not. But then what is it? What can he do to help him? To save him? Wei Changze is to blame; he failed as a father to protect him. He can only hope for his wife to be a better parent than he is. She is a genius. She will find a way to cure him. She will save him from whatever ghost or spiritual condition he is under. He has to trust her. He has to because the other options, if she fails, if they fail again , is unacceptable.
If he loses Wei Ying, Wei Changze knows, as every parent does, that he will lose part of himself too. He will truly become the ghost people often mistake him for.
Finally the flames die at the first ray of dawn. There is nothing left of the building, but no one died, and they managed to save the belongings of most of the customers too.
Wei Changze does not feel at peace, or content. His son is still very much sick and injured. But at the very least , he thinks, this matter is over . He will come back next year to kill the last monster that still remains.
He allows himself to rest a bit before going back to Lotus Pier, and they all camp in the nearby forest. For the first time since the incident, he does not get the nightmare where the terrible night hunt turns into a tragedy and ends with both his and his wife’s deaths, and Wei Ying thrown away on the street. He decides that it is a sign, when he wakes up, that this is behind him.
“Mister Wei,” asks one of the disciples, on their way back. He seems unsure of himself. A little afraid too.
They didn’t witness Wei Changze’s misdeeds but they aren’t stupid. It’s maybe guilt that is making them uneasy; after all they got nothing but praises from the villagers they helped, the Yunmeng Jiang Sect was covered with gifts, so many they can barely get everything back home.
Wei Changze eyes the kitten he holds in his robe. One of the ladies from the house near the burned inn had given him the kitten as thanks (or, he thinks she might have seen an opportunity and took it). She was so eager, and they did lose their donkey. He is not sure Cangse Sanren will be happy with a cat, but maybe it will help A-Ying feel better. And if there is a cat in their house, it’s another reason for Jiang’s family dogs to not get in; this way his son won’t feel too bad about his fear. Maybe.
He hopes. But it still feels like all he can do is damage control.
He also hopes he didn’t scare the shit out of his future disciples with this vengeance. So he smiles at them and asks,
“Yes, is there something on your mind? Can I do anything?”
He gives them a servant smile; the one you give when you know that your life is worth less than those you serve, and that pleasing them is what ensures you don’t get mistreated. He almost forgot what it felt like to wear it. He could drop it, when he was with Jiang Fengmian, as a teen, and when he eloped with Cangse Sanren and lived on the road, he almost never had to use it.
It is weird, not unpleasant, but weird. Like finding old clothes you adored and putting them on, only to find out it’s just a little bit too small for you now to be as comfortable as you remembered. Something you just grew out of without noticing.
But to his surprise, the disciple asking the question is not scared at all, instead he flies closer and inquires, enthusiastic,
“How did you manage to sneak out of the restaurant?”
His question sparks another, and then another,
“I didn’t even notice you were gone! Is it a trick? A talisman?"
"And the fire! The fire, did you use something to set it off while you were with us?"
"The man deserves it! I would have beaten him senseless!"
"You were so impressive during that fire, all kicking and saving people like it was easy!"
"I’ve never seen anyone use their sword like that, to make it levitate all the time and not even using your hands! Can you teach me too!?”
It feels a bit weird for Wei Changze to be in the center of attention. He is used to being in the background, and letting his wife of his Sect Leader best friend handle the crowd. He never had the ambition to be in their place. But, surrounded by kids who want nothing but to learn, it is somehow bearable.
Maybe, he thinks, he can be what Jiang Fengmian wants him to be. It is the least he can do to repay his friend for his kindness.
When he comes back at the sect, he passes through the city first, and listens to the whispers. Rumors are still there, but some voices are countering it, insisting that their Master is very much in love with his wife; “ I know, I saw them !” And he can’t help but smile.
Jiang Fengmian had been working hard, apparently. It is his friend who greets him at the gate,
“The Yunmeng Jiang Sect," Wei Changze starts, "had been praised for its skills and benevolent help when an inn unfortunately caught fire.”
And when there are less people around he whispers to his best friend.
“He didn’t touch my son.”
Jiang Fengmian’s shoulders slump a bit, and he sighs from relief.
“We expected as much," he explains. "Cangse Sanren has seen the ghost herself."
"So it is possession?”
Wei Changze’s heart tightens with worry. But Jiang fengmian shakes his head.
“Apparently not. My lady offered to use Zidian…”
Wei Changze frowns and Jiang Fengmian clarifies quickly,
“In a gentle manner! The boy just touched the ring, it didn't even sting him. He is not possessed.”
As they move to his rooms, he gets a summary of recent events, and what Cangse Sanren discovered while he was out. The doors are closed, but Wei Changze kicks them open- his only functioning hand busy holding the kitten.
Jiang Fengmian can’t help but wonder if this is going to become a thing; Wei Changze kicking things instead of using his arm.
The place is a mess; there are talismans everywhere on the ground, Wei Ying is playing with Ink and covered by scriptures from head to toe, Cangse Sanren lies in the middle of it, making notes on the ground.
“Oh you’re back!" She glees.
Immediately, Wei Ying Rushes to his father to get a hug, while his mother uses her sword, and a strange system of silk attached to it, to get up and join them. He holds them as close as he can, burying his head in their scent, their reality. He feels like himself once again.
“A-Ying, do you see the man again?" He asks when they’re done, straight to the point.
A-Ying beams, and explains with a lot of gestures that his mother wrote all over him so that the bad man would not feel like eating him.
“I taste bad now!" He affirms proudly.
And just to be playful, and because he knows that Cangse Sanren loves him when he follows their idiocy, he bites the top of Wei Ying’s nose and nods.
“Indeed, very bad! As bad as your mother’s cooking!"
"My cooking is edible, yours tastes like fire."
"I have a thing for fire.”
To his wife he simply informs,
“The Innkeeper is not guilty. But he is also not an Innkeeper anymore.”
She gets it immediately and grins. So he can’t help but add,
“The sect was kind enough to investigate on the matter, it appears it was the vengeance of a rogue cultivator over a stupid donkey."
"Hey, don’t call my donkey stupid!"
"You call him stupid all the time."
"Well yeah, because he knows I don’t mean it! But you always mean what you say!"
"He can’t hear me, though, since he’s been sold.”
Cangse Sanren’s eyes narrow.
“I hope you burned the whole inn down," she says.
And to Fengmian’s surprise, Wei Changze closes his eyes, and nods.
“I did.”
And he puts the kitten in her hands.
“I brought a gift too. Let’s hope he is less stupid than the donkey.”
It is Wei Ying who decides what he is.
“Cutie!”
And with a swoosh, he spirits the little beast away to show it to Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. Cangse Sanren and Jiang Fengmian watch him run, stumble a bit because of his wound, and get back up, calling for his friends. Unfortunately all he manages to do is to bring Yu Ziyuan’s attention to him. She comes back with the kitten in her hands, and puts him back in their quarter.
“Don’t bring more pests," she orders. "If my children can’t play with their dogs with your son, he can’t play with his cat with them.”
Wei Changze can see the two little figures of Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, Wei Ying does not hold a grudge, instead of the kitten, he shows off his skin full of ink. It isn’t long before the other two find a bit of charcoal and start to draw on them too, so they can match. Though, somewhere along the way they forget the purpose and start doodling whatever they feel like it on them.
“They were so well behaved, before you arrived," Yu Ziyuan laments.
But they also laugh a lot more, and cry a lot more, now. She doesn’t know what to think of it.
“By now, our messenger should have reached the Lan Clan,” Jiang Fengmian. Changes the subject “We should have an answer from them within the week.”
Cangse Sanren is confident again, just like he loves her, because she doesn’t react much- except telling a joke, that surely Lan Clan are experts with nightmares, as she would have nightmares too with so many rules, and so they probably know what to do. She looks at Wei Ying, who is playing again, and he gets that the temporary solution she came up with during her quarantine gave her the space, the time they desperately needed, to stop worrying and hurrying. Wei Changze feels the pressure on his heart leave too.
He loves this woman so much. She’s so beautiful. So smart. So amazing.
They can make it, they can heal Wei Ying. Everything will soon be over. He might have failed to protect his family, but they will live and recover from his mistake. Somehow, they will fix this.
“And..." Jiang Fengmian looks at his wife as he says that; “I might have a plan regarding those rumors I want to share with your three.”
Notes:
Next chapter is a bit of all POV ! ^^
But also the end of this current arc and the start of a new one I suppose too. Things are going to get better starting from there...Next chapter will be published on Monday ^^
I hope you will enjoy this next arc =D
Chapter 10: Plans
Notes:
Thank you for your wonderful comments and support, I'm amazed by ho well this fic is received and it makes me so happy >o< I can't thank you enough.
Here is ais a new chapter. I'm totally bullshitting my way through Chinese antic-fantasy-politics. I've tried to do some researches, but if I made nay mistake I apologize and I'm willing to listen what I did wrong and look for a way to correct it.
I hope you'll like this chapter =)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jiang Fengmian finally has a plan. It is an incomplete one, surely, but his lady made it clear that she wants something by this point ; even if it’s not finished. He doesn’t like to rush, and he likes it even less when he’s confronted by his wife while she is angry. She will probably argue that it is not polished enough though, but it’s better for her to say that than her cornering him because once again, because he did not share his mind with his wife.
She’s my wife , surely something he had known for years shouldn’t surprise him this much every time he hears and says it. But it does. It does because he has affection and respect for her even though she tires him. He doesn’t know how they can get along, given how different they are from one another, but they have to.
Yu Ziyuan is currently looking at him, expectantly.
If he is frank with himself, he has delayed this problem far too long already; thinking that they didn’t have to be in love, as long as they had respect for one another then it was a good enough marriage. But if he doesn’t act well now, his lady made it clear that he will lose even that. He can’t disappoint her, not when she is the mother of his children, the person he will spend the rest of his life with, his partner at leading this sect...His wife.
So he tries.
The plan relies on several points: first, to give Wei Ying a courtesy name sooner. That way, Jiang family members can start calling him by that. It is a subtle way for them to show that they are not related, or close enough to raise questions.
Yu Ziyuan likes this; it puts a barrier between them, a clear hierarchy. She can work with that. She’s a bit impressed by his husband right now, more than she ever was since they married. She had not thought of such a solution. But then again, she is better at destroying than fixing things. She asks,
“What name will you choose?”
Wuxian, with specific characters, means “no envy”, which is perfect. It also announces that Wei Ying, despite being older than Jiang Cheng, has no ambition of taking the place of Sect Leader. Even if those rumors about him being Jiang Fengmian’s illegitimate child persist, this will be a clear statement.
“It is a good name” agrees Wei Changze. He eyes Cangse Sanren for a moment, looking for her approval; names are much more important to her than to Wei Changze, after all. But after a frown, she sighs and shrugs,
“I was planning to ask you to give him his courtesy name when he came of age anyways…”
It is a half-truth. Both Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze wished to do such things, but they were also unsure if they could after betraying their old friend. It was a plan they pushed back, in the hypothetical distant future for so long, hoping that things would get clearer, easier then. But this is now.
It is not as they pictured it would be, but this is good enough, they decide silently.
Jiang Fengmian smiles, moved by this attention, and continue to explain his plan,
The second and third points are going to ask of him diplomacy. A lot of diplomacy.
If they receive a positive answer from the Lan Clan, they will need to act. Best case scenario, some representatives of the Lan Clan will come to Lotus Pier. Worst case scenario, Wei Ying’s situation will require them to go to Cloud Recesses for some time. As Sect Leader, it is his job to prepare for this possibility and not be taken by surprise, even if it might not happen in the end.
In light of this, he has no doubt that Cangse Sanren will be going with her son; but Wei Changze can’t go, not when he just accepted the role of right hand man, and still has everything to prove to the sect. Disciples to impress and gain trust, duties to assume, and an awful lot of rules he needs to know about how the sect works. And Cangse Sanren can’t travel alone in her state.
He can see that Cangse Sanren will be upset at the mention of her legs, and Yu Ziyuan is fuming already, so he quickly adds,
“Obviously I can’t go either.”
Or he will feed the rumors. Yu Ziyuan’s features show her surprise; and she promptly remarks,
“Then who exactly? We can’t send her with simple disciples, she is our guest, and the wife of your right-hand man!
“Who else but you, my lady?”
It cuts the air out of her lungs. At this point she is not surprised, she is flabbergasted. Cangse Sanren looks like a fish out of water too. But Jiang Fengmian explains the logic behind his idea,
Yu Ziyuan’s absence is nothing unusual, she goes nighthunting on a regular basis with the sect disciples. But this demand is very special for two reasons: it will show people that there is no hate between the two women, and also that Jiang Fengmian trusts his wife with the woman he once loved. It will show Yu Ziyuan’s goodwill and generous side.
Wei Changze is quick to get the idea, and whispers, as if he is talking to himself ( Jiang Fengmian knows he is not)
“It will show people that you’re not afraid of any rival, nor jealous because there’s no reason for you to fear. That you trust both your husband and Cangse Sanren…”
His words stir something in Yu Ziyuan, her pride. A fierce grin appears on her face; she likes the idea very much. She's even a little impressed, she didn’t think that Jiang Fengmian would have her interest in mind so much. Though, she is not stupid and being manipulated, she can see the flaw in their plan: the problem is that it can drag Jiang Fengmian through the mud too- if the rumors spread too much -one could easily say that he is acting shamelessly, forcing his wife to guard his mistress.
“They wouldn’t do that!” Scoffs Cangse Sanren when she hears Yu Ziyuan’s words. “It’s just...So not like him!”
“Rumors don’t really care for sticking to reality” Retorks Yu Ziyuan. “Where did you grow up to be so naive? Under a rock?”
“Close enough, on top of a secluded mountain!”
Yu Ziyuan winces, she is not used to getting a smile and a joke when she insults someone. But at the very least Cangse Sanren gets that they know much more than her on the subject and doesn’t argue further; she listens.
Jiang Fengmian continues, That is why, for the plan to work, there’s something they must do beforehand, and it’s one of the parts that scares him the most to bring up to Yu Ziyuan.
“I can’t be the one to give this order, my lady. You will have to propose yourself to be an escort for Cangse Sanren. preferably in front of everyone in the sect.”
“And without making it look like it’s a jealous act,” adds Wei Changze.
His addition saves Jiang Fengmians ass, as all her fury turns to him and she yells,
“Who do you think I am?”
He bows, hiding his smile.
“My deepest apologies, this disciple should’ve known better of his Sect leader’s wife’s kindness.”
Yu Ziyuan is conscious he played her, but being able to yell helped her, and she is willing to forgive him this time, to focus on the idea itself.
“It will require a lot of good acting.”
Yu Ziyuan glares at Jiang Fengmian. The sect leader is not a very good actor, but he is willing to try, he promises. Cangse Sanren also looks at her husband, and Wei Changze is… Well she doesn’t know how he can be so good at manipulation and be such a terrible actor, she loves him for that.
“It’s better if you let me handle the talking,” Cangse Sanren concludes.
“Always,” Wei Changze simply nods, with a teasing smile.
It is so sweet that Yu Ziyuan urges Jiang Fengmian to continue his plan, before their tooth rots in their mouths.
If all of this works, and Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren return from their journey without killing each other (which is still a possibility, both women have a temper ), once the rumors die down a little, will come the final part of Jiang Fengmian’s plan.
The sect leader hesitates, but then spills the beans.
“I will go through the ritual of brotherhood with Wei Changze.”
It is a sacred bond, after all, one he once wanted to share with the man but wasn’t allowed to by his parents. After all, Wei Changze was a mere servant from a poor family. For a man of his statut being recognized as the sworn brother of a future Sect leader, it would require a good reason. Saving your life, Jiang Fengmian’s father had said when he asked what. To win a war, had added Jiang Fengmian’s mother, to make sure her son understood it would never happen.
Wei Changze had done none of that, but Jiang Fengmian’s parents are dead (lost to a spiritual disease contracted during a nighthunt), and he is now Sect leader. He can decide which reason is good enough for the man to get this right.
He decides that avoiding a scandal is good enough. No. Jiang Fengmian has to admit it; if he wants to, then it’s good enough. The excuse is just for politics.
The sworn brother’s bond is sacred; people will think twice before starting to spread rumors about it. And if the reason behind all this gossip is Wei Changze’s status, that will also clear the problem.
“Again with that? You’re quite stubborn,” says Wei Changze.
“It’s the best solution,” argues Jiang Fengmian.
No one ever called Jiang Fengmian stubborn before, they usually describe him as the opposite; a soft and cowardly person. They are wrong, of course. Wei Changze knows better, he grew up with the man, trained alongside him. It was him who one sidedly decided that this servant was worth the time to train in the cultivation field, first in secret, then officially.
When Jiang Fengmian makes up his mind, it never changes. Maybe that’s why every decision takes him so long to decide.
When he doesn’t get what he wants, he acts in such a nonchalant way, calm and almost resigned, that people are often fooled; leading to believe they’ve won, when clearly they didn’t. If he does not get what he wants then, he waits until the opportunity arises again. Just like today. He never gives up, he just waits. What’ the Sect is saying after all; attempt the impossible? Jiang Fengmian’s way to do so is patience, he firmly believes that the solution will appear if he waits, thinks and keeps an eye open.
It is what Yu Ziyuan despises the most in her husband, especially when he uses it against her, but some part of her is impressed by it too. She can’t do that, she can’t retreat, wait, and then attack on many fronts. Her battles are more honest and brutal. She makes the impossible happen with her bare fists.
“It will not be enough,” contests Yu Ziyuan, and once again Cangse Sanren is surprised by that; how pigheaded can she be? At this question Yu Ziyuan grins and answers: “As much as you.”
It leaves them all silent. Did...Did Yu Ziyuan just return the joke to Cangse Sanren? And the woman stares at the lady wife with stars in her eyes instead of being offended.
“I’m so proud of you…!”
Which of course, pisses Madam Yu off even more.
Gods protect Jiang Fengmian, the man thinks, as he drops the ultimate step of his plan right now: “You will also have to exchange a vow of sisterhood.”
“What?!”
The two women stop fighting and glare at the Sect leader, all color leaving their faces. Even Wei Changze looks at his best friend with a frown, obviously stressed at the idea, even if he remains patient and silent, waiting for an explanation.
He knew Yu Ziyuan would skin him alive for this. She is already the sworn sister of madam Jin. But she can have two sworn sisters; it is even better. While Jiang Fengmian’s bond with Wei Changze could pass on as a whim, no one would believe such a thing from Madam Yu. But…
“I won’t force you,” Jiang Fengmian assures.
“As if anyone will believe you can force your lady to do such a thing,” laughs Cangse Sanren. Then she stops and gets it. “Oh.”
Even Yu Ziyuan’s features relax as she understands.
Exactly. No one will think that Jiang Fengmian has enough power over her to make her do that. If there is one good thing about their disastrous marriage situation, it’s that people firmly believe they aren’t getting along, hence no one can control the other’s actions.
For Yu Ziyuan, the sisterhood bond is sacred, after all. She respected it, and loved Madam Jin as her sister, her equal. She treated her well. Even engaged her first born child to her sworn sister’s kid; as they had promised. It would be logical, that after agreeing such a thing to her first sworn sister, that Yu Ziyuan would share the same vow to her second sworn sister.
Cangse Sanren looks at Yu Ziyuan, like a puppy,
“You would?”
And Yu Ziyuan looks exasperated, but she does not deny it (she does push away the woman with her hand though). Wei Changze, near Jiang Fengmian, smiles and guesses,
“You’re preparing for this eventuality, making sure your son can if he wants to…”
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t deny it either, like his wife before him.
Though he does intend to keep his words too; he says so, they will wait until both boys are older and wiser, to be sure they share an actual bond and are not clinging to each other only because they are each other’s first friend their age.
“I’m thinking about inviting A-Li’s betrothed over,” he warns his lady. “So they can bond too. And maybe take more children of A-Cheng’s age as disciples.”
Yu Ziyuan likes this idea; she doesn’t want her daughter to be miserable and begin to know her husband only after marriage, like she is doing right now. She had received a letter from her friend and sworn sister, last month. Being able to get some fresh air, away from her own stupid husband, would do her good. Usually, it is always Yu Ziyuan who goes over to her place, because…
Well because, she was the one who wanted fresh air away from her stupid husband, before. But he is not as stupid as she thought he was, in the end, it’s quite the contrary.
“That’s such a good idea!” Rejoices Cangse Sanren. “And why stop at just the Jin? Why not invite every sect leader child from time to time? After all they are the future generation, it can’t be bad for them to know each other!”
“Do you even know what limits are?” Yu Ziyuan sighs, exasperated by the woman.
“Yes, they’re the thing you’re supposed to ignore to have fun, like fences!”
And to her surprise, Jiang Fengmian says to Cangse Sanren,
“Wasn’t it you, who told me that I can’t force people to get along? Who is acting all mighty right now?”
Did he just say something against Cangse Sanren? Yu Ziyuan looks at him suspiciously, so much that she misses Cangse Sanren’s reaction.
“You both grew so much, using my own words against me...Wei Changze, I’m so hurt, and emotional right now…Hold me…!”
“There, there.”
Wei Changze pats her back, playing along for a moment, before adding his piece of mind.
“The idea has its advantage, though. Surely, people can’t believe that all children Jiang Fengmian brings in are his bastards.”
“Of course they can’t!” Says both Cangse Sanren and Yu Ziyuan at the same time.
Jiang Fengmian is grateful that they both believe in his righteousness so much, that he isn’t that type of guy. It moves him even more from Yu Ziyuan. The woman catches him staring, and for the first time since they married, she is the one running away and avoiding his eyes. Blushing.
He blinks. She feels her jaws tensing.
Yu Ziyuan had been cursing at her husband’s many flaws to her friend Madam Jin, but not that one. Ever. And little by little, she is coming to the conclusion that it will never happen, despite the rumors.
She...She trusts him. His plan is good. She doesn’t like it much,the idea of her husband being tied through brotherhood with a servant makes her cringe, but the man proved himself useful, just like her own two maids are. It is a little bit harder to accept being tied to Cangse Sanren, but at least the woman is a strong cultivator, student of an immortal, it makes her family look a little more powerful. Even if she wants to strangle her more often than hug her. But the solution is logical and most important, it can work.
So Yu Ziyuan agrees, trying her best to not frown at him and show him that she is impressed, despite being annoyed.
It does not work, and the man quickly adds,
“Of course, we will continue Wei Changze’s plan too. I just can’t act as shamelessly as you do.”
“Thank Gods for small mercies!” Scoffs his lady wife at that.
Because he is terrible at that, indeed. She can’t shake off the memory of him acting all embarrassed when he took her hand in front of the disciples. He explained, when she forced him to two days ago. She gets it now that it wasn’t her fault, but his alone.
She would never have thought her husband was shy.
But she supposes, she didn’t try her very best to get to know him, just as he didn’t do much either, to get to know her. She should have done that years ago, she regrets, forcing him to speak his mind.
“You should do it the way it feels right for you,” counsels Wei Changze to his best friend with an approving nod. “It wasn’t my intention to make you feel that with my plan, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, don’t worry, find your own lovey-dovey moves, leave all the embarrassing stuff to my husband and me!”
Yu Ziyuan thinks of the way he went to the market with the children, and offered her the jade hairpin. She won’t admit it, but she liked Fengmian’s soft and discreet way more, for once. Softness isn’t all bad.
“Let’s continue like you did the past two days, then” she says, hoping he would get the message.
Jiang Fengmian is relieved by that; because he tried, he really tried to be like Wie Changze, but he can’t. The more he thinks about it, the less he feels like he can- should -do it. He is building something with his lady; and he doesn’t want the foundation of it to be built on a lie, on something he isn’t. Because it is not fair to his lady, and because he will not be able to keep it up for years. His marriage is already complicated enough, with their personalities being so different.
“We will also,” he adds, “do regular meetings like this, as my lady suggested. It is a good idea.”
He can read surprise in her eyes, and maybe, a little bit of happiness. Maybe they can meet halfway now. He can try to speak his mind, explain things more, and stop always retreating first, and maybe, she can be a little bit more patient with him.
“Of course it is,” she beams with pride as if she heard his silent plea. “We can do that during meals”, she offers.
The invitation for the Wei family to share their meal with the Jiangs, everyday, is left unspoken. Jiang Fengmian feels his heart squeeze with gratefulness and happiness. She tries, just as much as he does. So he dares to hope. He dares to think that, he might come to love her truly, really, wholly.
“I’m glad you’ve finally heard reason and stopped running away from discussion,” Yu Ziyuan adds proudly, though it makes him doubt again.
“We would be honored,” answers Wei Changze, hiding his annoyance at her words with a bow.
“I would also be honoured, as long as future meetings have less yelling than the previous ones,” jokes Cangse Sanren, frowning at Yu Ziyuan, less subtle.
“As long as you don’t give me any reason to yell, there will be none,” counters Yu Ziyuan.
And the two women exchange an almost playful stare that leaves their husbands both worried and hopeful. Maybe, the two women can also develop something; not quite friendship, not quite rivalry, but something in between, something of their own.
After this meeting, it seems like everything is fixed. The future looks as bright and clear as the sky. Two days later, they hold the ceremony for Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian to become sworn brothers, in front of the sect, the whole city as a witness.
The murmurs are all over the place, but they slowly start to change.
The thing is that plans, they always work in theory, but in practical use there’s often something you have no control over- wise people call it life -that comes up and ruins it.
For them, this something is the Wen Sect.
Notes:
...Sooooo....This ends sounds a lot like Avatar the last air bender intro "then the fire nation ruined everything" kinda end xD
Anyways I hope Jiang Fengmian's plans sound logical and not stupid.
I looked infos for sworn brother/sister rituals and ended up understanding that it was gay marriage in ancient china, when in the canon verse it's debatable (I mean Nie Mingjue/Meng Yao/Lan Xichen is in the tag so you all know what I think about this brotherhood vow of their...And definitely Madam Jin would have been happier with Madam Yu than with her dick of husband xo) Anyways, let's pretend it's what it is, and a ceremony to claim someone as your brother...And if it's not. Oops now they're all married???
Next chapter will be published on Wednesday =) And I believe it is again a general POV with a glimpse of everyone's mind.
Chapter 11: World upside down
Notes:
Thank you as always for the amazing support you're all giving me, being comment, hits kudos and bookmarks. It makes me so happy and help me stay motivated! Plus I like discussing with you in the comment section so much xD
Here is the new chapter after this cliffhanger. I hope you'll like it =D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The Wen Sect arrives the same day as the answer from the Lan Clan. They barely have time to read it during their now-shared meals.
“It is as I thought,” starts Jiang Fengmian. “ The Lan Clan seems to know what it is, they’ve affirmed that they dealt with such cases before and have a solution, but it requires you to go to Cloud Recesses for a month at the very least.”
“A month!”
It is Jiang Cheng who reacts, spilling a lot of his rice congee in the process. For a kid this young, a month feels like eternity. And Jiang Fengmian suddenly realizes he let the kid believe that Wei Ying- Wei Wuxian , he forces himself to think -would stay there with them forever not so long ago.
Before he can do anything about Jiang Cheng’s outburst, a disciple barges in and says, anxious:
“Sect Leader, there are Wen representatives at the gates…”
It is so unlikely that Jiang Fengmian stays silent, processing the information for a minute. But he is quick to catch his breath and nod.
“Well let them in, don’t make them wait at the door.”
The Quishan-Wen Sect is, after all, the biggest sect around. The most powerful too. Since Wen Ruohan’s rise to power, they kept absorbing little sects, becoming larger and stronger exponentially. He can’t be rude to them. But he also doesn’t have to act any less than what he is; after all they arrived unannounced.
Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze exchange an anxious stare, and the man gets to his feet.
“What are you doing?” Frowns Yu Ziyuan seeing him taking his wife in his arms and proposing to his son to get on his leg.
“This man thought-”
“Leave the formality, speak like you do to Fengmian with me already!”
They all smile at her red cheeks.
“If Madam wishes so...Then I will. I was thinking that it would be a problem for Wen Sect to see you share a meal with a simple servant and his family.”
“Absurd! You are my husband’s sworn brother now, not a mere servant anymore! And even if you were we do as we please under our roof. Sit down!”
Jiang Fengmian is equally as offended as her.
“You were invited there,” he affirms. “They are not.”
It is still hard for Wei Changze to sit back down, and his wife pats his shoulder with a knowing smile. As if Wei Ying senses his father’s anxiety, he decided to go on his father’s lap. Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, though young, can feel it too, the tension in the air; but their mother makes sure they understand.
“I don’t want to hear a single word from you two, or Jinzhu and Yinzhu will take you to your bedrooms, is that clear?”
The two maids step into the light, making the threat more concrete, and instinctively the two kids shut up.
“Be attentive young master,” whispers Wei Changze to Jiang Cheng, when no one is looking. “Watch your parents and learn.”
It makes Jiang Cheng straighten his back proudly (and Wei Ying giggle at his friend’s seriousness, mimicking him). When the Wen sect representative arrives shortly after, some of them do steal glances at the presence of Wei Changze and the children- especially at Wei Ying’s skin covered with Ink like a living talisman -but they do not make any remarks.
Instead, after the usual formula of courtesy, they get straight to the point:
“Our Great Sect Leader, Wen Ruohan, wants to meet with the woman named Cangse Sanren.”
The said woman almost fell out of her sitting position and Yu Ziyuan glares at her, her own thought clear as crystal for everyone present; what did you do again?! But in her defense, Cangse Sanren didn’t do anything! Truth! She never did anything bad! Okay, maybe she’s done a couple of bad things, but not to the Wen! At least nothing she remembers!
It stresses her out of her wits. As Yu Ziyuan put it, Cangse Sanren had grown up on the top of a rock, she knows little-to-nothing about courtesy. That is why she had never wanted to have anything to do with sect in the first place. Her opinion solidified when she met Wei Changze. The man she loves is smart and cautious, and when he is in the public's eye he wears a mask of politeness, wary of the other’s move as if he is facing a fierce corpse. That indicates how much it is important to respect it, Wei Changze wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t dangerous to not do so.
Unfortunately knowing she’s in trouble doesn't’ magically give her the knowledge to avoid it, so she does what she always does, smirks and says:
“Again? Am I that popular? Don’t people know that I'm a married woman? It’s no use courting me!”
Yu Ziyuan looks like she had just swallowed a spider. Cangse Sanren regrets everything. Wei Changze chuckles, and she feels very proud. Jiang Fengmian sighs. Her head is a mess. Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze who? Because Cangse Sanren is Cangse Sanren, and her best friend is in denial and her true husband is laughing.
“That is not what brought us here”, the poor Wen representative finally clarifies, after a long moment of confusion.
He then explains very seriously that their sect leader heard a lot about the tragic night hunt that took place several days ago, and is curious to hear about the monster that nearly killed the woman who was said to be raised by an immortal. In more complicated and pompous words. All that Cangse Sanren gets is that somehow, Wen Ruohan has ears in a region far away from his home. A place that is right between the Jin, Lan and Jiang clans territories, in a political blurr of frontiers.
She can’t help but fear that maybe, what the Wen clan is after is not a good story, but something she has. Maybe they heard about how she traveled from the place of the nighthunt to Lotus Pier in the blink of an eye. Maybe they want that.
She knows shits about politics, but she can sense when it stinks. Unfortunately she can’t sing song them “fuck you very very very much” and decline the whole ordeal. She could before, when she still had legs that worked, so she could run away laughing, and no home to return to- because that meant she could go anywhere and no one would find her. But now, it’s kind of complicated. She will have to think of new strategies to run away from her problems.
Jiang Fengmian is very aware that the Wen’s invitation is that in name only, it is more so an order. He tries the best he can to get back a little control over it, using Cangse Sanren’s wounded legs as an excuse to delay this, but all he manages to do is to gather a crowd of disciples outside the hall.
He also looks at Wei Wuxian, covered in scriptures; if Jiang Fengmian forbids Cangse Sanren from going to Quishan, he can’t allow her to go to Cloud Recesses the day after. Surely if she can’t walk to Nightless city, she can’t climb all the way to Cloud Recesses. If the Wen clan ever heard about it, It would be an even bigger offense. An offense enough to deserve retaliation. It ruins all his careful planning. This is not about Cangse Sanren anymore, this is about the safety of the Sect. Of their home.
He needs time to re-think this and- But before he can invite the Wen representantative to stay for the night and talk about it again tomorrow, Yu Ziyuan whispers to him: “Your plan still stands, it is simply a detour.” and immediately addresses to the Wen clan, in front of half of the sect disciples:
“I will be coming to Qishan with Cangse Sanren then.”
Yu Ziyuan had said that Jiang Fengmian was a bad actor, and that the Wei couple was shameless, but she doesn’t even try to give a reason as to why she is tagging along. She just states it with a tone that allows no come back. One of the Wen, though, dares to.
“Is it really okay for this Sect Leader’s wife to go?”
He eyes Jiang Fengmian, as if Yu Ziyuan is not there, and that pisses her off even more. Jiang Fengmian knows that, and for the first time he realizes that he doesn’t have to fight this battle; his wife will gladly do so in his stead.
“My wife will do as she pleases,” he says and gives her the untold authorization to rip their heads off.
“Are you implying,” Starts Yu Ziyuan immediately with a shark smile. “That there is something that this sect leader's wife shouldn’t see in Qishan?”
“No of course not!”
“Or are you perhaps worried about my safety there? Though I doubt it’s the case, otherwise you would be even more worried about Cangse Sanren’s well being, as she is wounded and would travel without escort, like you suggest, without her husband to protect her.”
“She isn’t really married,” scoffs someone in the Wen crowd.
“It is even more fitting that she travels with a chaperone then,” says Jiang Fengmian, coming to the rescue.
Cangse Sanren is trying her best not to laugh at the idea; a chaperone! This is the best, she didn’t know Jiang Fengmian had humor. Unfortunately children are there, and Wei Ying frowns at the mention of her parents not being married, he looks up and perks.
“But mommy and daddy have me?”
Which makes Wei Changze realize there’s another problem in this sudden change of plan. Once the Wen representatives are out- vanquished by both husband and wife -Wei Changze steps into the light and inquires:
“So...You will go to Qishan first. What about A-Ying?”
Yu Ziyuan frowns.
“We can’t bring him along in the Wen territory with us, obviously. You will have to keep him here, and we will take him on our way back, then head out to Cloud Recesses as planned.”
Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli; who had been very silent all the time, can’t help but let out a little victory scream, as they rush to their friends. They understood very little, except the fact that he would stay longer with them. Cangse Sanren is not sharing their joy, a bitter taste on her tongue.
She can’t help but hug her son a bit tighter, closer to her chest. She doesn’t want to let him away from her sight yet. It is too soon, he had been hurt, almost died , not so long ago. She is scared, even though she knows it’s stupid and illogical.
But she can’t allow herself to become like Baoshan Sanren and imprison her son in her arms. She knows that too.
“You will have to show me what to write on his skin, then, before you go,” Wei Changze says to her.
And his quick acceptance of the situation stings a little, so she says:
“Are you so eager to throw me away, dear husband? Is it as that Wen said, were we only married in the secrecy of my heart?”
He smiles a bit, and kisses her forehead. Jiang cheng murmurs “gross” and his mother shares his opinion as well, but Jiang Yanli and Wei Ying have stars in their eyes.
“Madam,” Wei Changze pleads with Yu Ziyuan, “I leave my wife in your capable hands, please keep her safe.”
“I will keep her safe,” promises the sect leader’s wife, very serious.
“And please make sure she gets her massages for her legs everyday and does her rehabilitation training.”
Yu Ziyuan’s eyes narrow, and Cangse Sanren huffs, indignant.
“How dare you say that when you do not do yours! I will do mine when you do yours! Sect Leader, I’m counting on you, I leave my stupid and stubborn not-husband in your capable hands. Make sure he trains his arm everyday! If he does not, I give you the authorization to throw him in the river!”
Jiang Fengmian laughs, and promises too.
“Who is keeping an eye on me?” Demandes suddenly Wei Ying, worried, looking at his mother, vaguely aware that she is going to leave. To that question, both Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng answer, very eagerly:
“Me!”
Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian sigh; they definitely can’t win against such competition. And it feels like the whole deal is settled.
It is of course a little bit more complicated. The three adults meet once again in between training, once their children are busy playing, to discuss the matter more seriously. Cangse Sanren shares how she fears leaving Wei Ying to only her husband, and gives away what she’d been scared of earlier.
“If the array I used during the night hunt is what they’re after, I can’t give it to them…”
It’s too powerful, too dangerous. There’s a reason she shouldn’t have been using it in the first place. Cangse Sanren is a stranger to politics, but not to threats. She is not giving to a conquerant sect leader the means to barge in another’s territory with a single step.
“If they know about this array, it would mean that they have a spy here, in our sect” frowns Jiang Fengmian. It would be impossible otherwise, for them to get that hearing just rumors of the night hunt. “I will look into that,” he adds, refusing to brush off this possibility.
Wei Changze, is more focused on the immediate danger.
“If they trap you both and don’t let you go until you talk…”
“It would be asking for war, if they do that,” States Yu Ziyuan.
Yu Ziyuan frowns; it is not that she can’t imagine the possibility, she can picture it quite well actually. But the implication of her words still hits her. She can’t help but think that her children are too young, too vulnerable, she can’t allow a war to happen in their lives.
“If they do that” Jiang Fengmian says, still wary; refusing to consider the possibility, but still doing so because it is his job, “Can’t you use your array to get you out of Qishan in an instant?”
Yu Ziyuan is startled, and she looks at Cangse Sanren with provocation, she has still not given up on the idea of learning more about this array either. And Cangsen Sanren understands that she will need to give a little bit of information, if she wants to be free of their curiosity.
“No. The place of the night hunt is only one-day’s flying distance and there were two and half people. The more people there are, and the longer the distance, the greater the consommation of spiritual energy is. There’s a reason why it’s an immortal spell, only immortals have this much energy to spend. Teleporting us, Yu Ziyuan, me and her maids from Qishan to here would kill me on the spot.”
“Well maybe if you aim somewhere closer-”
“Maybe, but there need to be what immortals call “focal points” in the area, which means globally a point where different energies collide and gather, and I need to know about it a little, or the landing is...disastrous. I didn’t know enough about Lotus Pier’s point and see what it got me!”
Well there’s that. Wei Changze, luckily, has other plans.
“If you are trapped and questioned for this array” he starts, and his seriousness makes them wince. His wife knows he has faith in only a few number of nobles, the rest, he always expects the worst out of them, especially when said nobles deal with people they deem below their stations.
“Don’t fight them, find a way to fake confessing and send them to a place of your choosing. I will put talismans there that will warn me if people ever get to the zone and trap them. This way we will know you are in trouble and we need to rescue you.”
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are puzzled; of course, they didn’t all live the lives of wanderers. Cangse Sanren, as a woman who had no home, and Wei Changze as her husband, and a (former) servant, know better the dangers of the road. They are prepared to fight this. They are prepared to step on honour if it means they get to see another day.
“My hero,” whispers Cangse Sanren. “It almost makes me wants to get captured so you could come and rescue me!” She jokes.
“Please don't,”He says.
“Fine, if you insist!”
She can’t let him do all the work and all the thinking, though. She has a reputation as a troublemaker to maintain.
“If this is what they’re after, I suppose I could trick them,” she confesses.
She pulls out of her inner robe a talisman she’d used that very day; the three other adults stare at her, their eyes full of questions, and she realizes that they can’t read her mind.
“It is a talisman of my own invention. Basically, it draws in the air any array the owner thinks about, spreading the amount of spiritual energy the owner thinks about putting into it. The points are connected through air and use a little bit of the energy. It’s really useful when you don’t have anything to write the array with or on.”
Yu Ziyuan’s eyes widens and Jiang Fengmian immediately frowns, thinking of all the possibilities such things mean.
“It obviously doesn’t work with array that needs blood or materials, and you have to know the array by heart, like muscle-memory-by-heart, but...Well I suppose I could make the Wen believes the talisman is what I used, make a demonstration of the array and give it to them. They wouldn’t be able to use it without knowing the array, and maybe, they might be just stupid enough to let us go before testing it.”
She doubts they will. But at least there’s something she can give them to keep their hands busy and away from her. She doubts they will.
“Do that,” agrees Fengmian. “But only after you tried Wei Changze’s solution.”
“ The Wen don’t deserve such a powerful weapon” confirms Yu Ziyuan.
Having a solution in case the worst happens does not alleviate the worry in their hearts.
Whether they are prepared or not, tomorrow morning, Cangsen Sanren and Yu Ziyuan- plus her two maids and some disciples -will be heading to Qishan to meet Wen Ruohan.
And their husbands and children will remain behind, hoping that everything ends well.
“The whole world order is upside down, and I can’t say I hate it,” hums Cangse Sanren.
“I hate it,” confesses Yu Ziyuan in her stead, then.
But there’s nothing they can do, so she accepts it, and braces herself to fight if she has to.
Notes:
Sorry guys, before going to see babies Lan...apparently you have to deal with the Wen first...Is anyone interested in seeing babies Wen? (...no? I thought so too...Mini Wen Chao must be rising hell xD)
Though there is a surprise cameo waiting for you in chapter 13 ! =D Who will be able to guess who it will be? You have two chapters to guess it =x
Chapter 12: La vie est un long fleuve tranquille*
Notes:
Hi everyone !! Thank again for all your amazing support, kudos, bookmarks and comment, it's su amazing I don't know what to say anymore besides thank you <3
Here is the new chapter, we're heading in the good direction with Cangse Sanren and Yu Ziyuan, but to tidy up things, first you have to make a mess out of things...! You are warned =D
This chapter's title is a reference to a French movie, named the same way. The translation would be "Life is like a river ; long and tranquil" I suppose ?? (not very good at translating my own language into English, sorry xD)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren gives kisses to her son until it’s time to go. Half-smiling half-sobbing, he takes refuge behind his father’s legs, clutching to his chest the piece of clothes she left him, the one she slept with all night, hoping to get it to smell a bit like her. It’s the first time they will be separated so long and it’s like she is ripping her heart out from her own chest.
She knows he will be okay, Jiang Fengmian will hire a nanny in the town, and Wei Changze is there, she trusts him. He will make sure A-Ying is fed and healthy. But who will make them both laugh? There are not 3000 rules in their family, like in the Lan clan, but the number one is: you have to smile at least once a day. Who will make sure it happens? Who will tickle her baby if he pouts? Who will hum him an awful lullaby to sleep? And what if her protection system wears out and he sees the ghost again while she is away? Without her knowing and helping?
Wei Changze gives her a smack on the lips, and whispers once again the place they agreed on, yesterday, as a silent vow. She is sure he will keep their son safe and have her back. Maybe they aren’t married, just eloped, but they are partners. She knows that he will keep his word. She can’t allow herself to doubt it, when he is already so wounded because of her mistake during the night hunt.
But she will miss him every day, and the bed will feel cold without him by her side.
Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian’s goodbyes are more discreet, they simply exchange a nod, and promise to see the other well, when they return. Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, after an hesitation though, hug their mother, and she hugs them back.
“I will get you both a souvenir,” she promises, thinking about the gift her children gave her only a few days ago. “If you behave well.” She adds firmly afterward.
She has no way to know if they will, but the kid nods vigorously, convinced that their mother would feel it if they disobeyed, no matter how great a distance she is from them. After all she is their mother. She is just that scary.
They leave by boat, with the Wen representatives as an escort. It was only after a full incense stick had gone that Yu Ziyuan realizes.
She had made a terrible mistake.
She underestimated how annoying Cangse Sanren could be. It’s like the woman’s cultivation allows her to not need to breathe so she can talk non-stop. She never stops babbling, about anything, the form waves make around the boat, the shape of a cloud, and among this nonsense; an idea, brilliant and about cultivation, because of course she has to hide some gem under all this shit to make sure people keep giving her attention. All of that, obviously, while being in strange positions.
“It helps me concentrate!” Cangse Sanren argues, when Yu Ziyuan finds her, lying on her back on the rail of the boat, her hair almost touching the water.
She knows that she should be trying to get along because the sisterhood plan is perfect, but at the same time the only things Yu Ziyuan wants to do with Cangse Sanren right now is throw her overboard.
You can’t do that , her mind helpfully reminds her, she can’t swim with her legs like that. She would drown.
And that’s exactly why it is very, very hard to convince herself not to do so.
Especially when she realizes that Cangse Sanren has another flaw. She needs to touch people. If she doesn’t know what to do with her hands, or if she fails to fill the silence for too long, she pokes people. For absolutely no reason.
“Boop!” She says, as she pinches Yu Ziyuan’s clothes.
It drives her insane.
“Will you stop?”
“But I’m bored!”
“Is that any reason to annoy me? No! be bored on your own!”
“Ouch, so harsh Madam Yu, and I thought we were beginning to build something together, that you started to like me!”
“I don’t, you annoy me.”
“Everything annoys you!”
That is...annoyingly true. Yu Ziyuan is conscious of her flaws and bad character.
“You annoy me the most.” She still whispers.
But she isn’t talking to Cangse Sanren anymore. Even if the damn woman still hears her and gleefully states:
“So, you confess that I’m somewhat special to you!”
How could Jiang Fengmian ever fall in love with this , she wonders? Especially now that she knows he is shy, doesn’t dare show public displays of affection- like touching -, and needs silence and time to think! He would have been miserable with Cansge Sanren as a spouse! Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian might be a bad assorted pair, but they would be even worse! Honestly he is more inclined to fall in love with that servant-friend-right-hand-man-sworn-brother of his, Wei Changze! At least their characters align! Some rumors like that even spread after the ritual; It made Cangse Sanren laugh for a whole incense stick when she heard it, before she finally said “Well that will make things awkward!” while Jiang Fengmian just pinched his nose and Wei Changze smiled.
Yu Ziyuan doesn’t know what to make of it.
Is there even logic in love? You don’t fall in love with people who are too different, and you don’t for people that are too much the same either, apparently. Who do you fall for then?
Yu Ziyuan ends up jumping on the Wen’s boat- out of the mad woman’s reach, because she will definitely make Cangse Sanren fall, but not in love if this continues -and asks for the doctor. There’s always two people, one man and a woman, knowledgeable enough for an escort party. The one she finds is from a strange branch of the Wen family, but she promises to go and take care of Cangse Sanren’s rehab every day.
“What kind of injury did she suffer from?” The physician asks, gathering her needles. She apparently plans to add acupuncture to the treatment. Yu Ziyuan sighs, as she is vaguely aware that she is not the best for this kind of job, but she complies and tries her best to sum up everything, while still keeping the dignity of a Sect Leader’s wife.
The physician nods, and remains silent at first, as she treats Cangse Sanren. But the woman’s efforts finally pay off after two incense sticks, and she reluctantly gets dragged into a conversation about babies. She has two kids, herself. A little girl and a little boy, who are around Yu Ziyuan's kids' ages, apparently.
“Oh, you should bring them to Lotus Pier, so they can be friends with ours!” Proposes Cangse Sanren with a smile. And Yu Ziyuan pinches her; she is not inviting Wens over! They already invited themselves without permission, no need to give them some!
“We will travel by boat for as long as we can, but once we reach Wen Territory, we will have to travel by foot,” the en physician warns them, changing subject- ignoring the invitation because she probably feels the tension. “You are in no state to do so, how do you plan to do that?”
“I don’t know, buy a donkey-”
“We are not buying you a donkey,” cuts her Yu Ziyuan immediately.
What is it with her stupid obsession over donkeys? They aren’t even a noble beast.
“It’s gross, stupid and it lacks dignity. Why ride a donkey when you can have a horse?”
Cangse Sanren opens her mouth, but Yu Ziyuan cuts her off.
“I’m not buying you a horse either.”
“I hope not, horses are evil, just like sects, they work in the shadows to conquer the world!”
This is so stupid , all Yu Ziyuan can do after hearing that is stare and judge.
“You are no fun.” Cangse Sanren pouts, and she changes expression when the doctor pick a needle in the middle of her frown. “I’ve been thinking about that, I managed to move some with my sword by attaching a silk ribbon on the guard of my sword and the tip of its sheath. Like a swing. I can also twirl it around the blade and sit on it I suppose. I started infusing some spiritual power into the silk too, to try to turn it into a second spiritual weapon.”
Yu Ziyuan frowns, she had seen her working on that, and tries to move that way around Lotus Pier with it. But there’s a problem.
“It’s like flying on your sword all the time, you will run out of stamina sooner than everyone and be defenseless.”
“Thankfully I have you and your maids to protect me!”
She winks at her, and Yu Ziyuan ignores her to look at her twin maids. It’s not like she needs their help; she is the violet spider after all, she is strong enough to protect the person her sect leader entrusted her with. But it is good to know that those two will help protect her while doing so.
“Besides, the more you use your energy, the more you build it up after! It is very much like a muscle, the more I train, the more stamina I will have in the future, it’s the perfect plan.”
Yu Ziyuan grins; if you listened to her, nothing was grave and serious . Stupid woman.
“I will make sure to tell the leader of our escort that you’ll need more breaks to regain your strength,” the physician assures. “Now please, my lady, try to roll onto your stomach, I will start massaging your spine.”
Yu Ziyuan decided she appreciated the Wen physician when the woman, about to leave after finishing treatment, looked at the river and wondered aloud:
“Maybe we could use our means of travel to help you. People with spine troubles will find it easier to move in the water, if we secure you with a rope of silk, making sure your upper body isn’t immersed, you could focus on swimming movements using your legs and-”
Before she can finish her idea, Cangse Sanren has attached her silk to her waist and Yu Ziyuan has fulfilled her compulsion: throwing the annoying woman out of the damn boat. It made the Sanren laugh, but who cares, in the end? For the first time since they departed, Yu Ziyuan has space and silence around her, Cangse Sanren too busy laughing (and coughing because water gets in her mouth) to talk for at least two incense sticks.
When she gets back on board, she is so tired, she lies pitifully on the deck, and moans:
“I feel like dying…”
Yu Ziyuan smirks; “Hopefully, you will.”
It’s the first time she receives laughter after threatening someone. Maybe she could get used to this.
And she does. She really does. After three days, they fall into a sort of routine. Yu Ziyuan even finds out that Cangse Sanren can shut up, when she is exhausted or working on something cultivation related, like her new silk ribbon.
Spiritual weapons take years to form, and develop a personality. It is a long, stressful and not always successful process. Normally the cultivator bonds over it because they fight together and their spiritual power merges with the material; a material made by masters, that is finished and yet unshaped yet, ready to bend and mold to his new user’s will and need. Very few know how to make a spiritual weapon, even less are good at making it.
Yet Cangse Sanren steps on the silk and tests things out like it’s a challenge; a new adventure, with an enthusiasm that lacks respect, and a playfulness without a single drop of courtesy.
She would make the masters want to kill themselves.
“You see, I’m thinking,” she babbles (and Yu Ziyuan wishes she would do that, just think, but no, of course she has to share it aloud). “What if I put my spiritual power into thread, and sew instructions directly with it, on the silk? Will it shape the personality of the weapon too? Will the thread help it develop faster? Because you know, threads are obviously smaller than silk, so it should be faster to imbue them with energy and turn it. But also, words have power so I think it might-”
Yu Ziyuan hates to admit it, Cangse Sanren is brilliant. She studied under an immortal, she has an unfair advantage. But still. She is curious about where this idea will lead; it might be as revolutionary as the scriptures she drew on her son’s skin.
So she takes her needles, and helps her sew the words into the fabric, with her two maids. It’s not like she has anything better to do, anyways. They’re stuck on a boat.
“You got the order wrong, there.”
Cangse Sanren is back from her session in the river, soaked from head to toe, her hair still dripping from water, yet the first thing she did was check her ribbon. Yu Ziyuan frowns, angry at the reproach. She did not! She copied exactly what she had written! (And who did she think she was? When Yu Ziyuan was already being kind enough to lend her a hand when she didn’t have to!)
But when she checks the characters, she blushes and realizes that she had indeed made an error. Shame fills her heart. She ruined it. They worked on this for days and she ruined the whole ordeal because of a single minute of inattention. How could she have been so careless? It is unfitting of the violet spider, or a sect leader’s wife. She can’t allow herself to do so, when she has many lives under her protection.
“Well, we can’t all have been raised by an immortal,” she scoffs still, because if she is hurt, she hurts people back.
Cangse Sanren’s eyes flicker, and for a moment she seems hesitant. But it only lasts a moment and she smiles immediately.
“It’s okay, it’s not a big deal. Actually, your choice of character gives me a new idea...Let me think about it!”
Why is it that everything could be turned into an opportunity with her? As if things didn’t have to be perfect right from the start. Nothing in life is simple, but Cangse Sanren makes you believe it is.
Of course, Cangse Sanren can be like that, her mind hisses , she is no Sect leader, she has no responsibilities to handle, no life to protect but her own. She is free.
She is not jealous, Yu Ziyuan is just not used to such a mentality. She doesn’t envy her position, but she would be lying if it didn’t make her breath easier. It puts a little bit of pressure out of her back. She would also be lying, if she said she doesn’t still feel ashamed of herself, for a moment.
“Give me back the ribbon, I will correct my mistake myself.”
And Cangse Sanren smiles and gives it to her as if she is not afraid that Yu Ziyuan will bite her, or ruin everything again. So, to thank her for that, Yu Ziyuan listens to her babbling and her instructions for the rest of the day.
They finally reach the last stop by boat, in the evening, and stop at a random Inn. Before they had some sort of privacy, apart from the Wen representatives, in their boat, it ends here. For the first time they share a meal together and the Wen share with them their plans and itinerary -or more accurately, inform them politely of their plan. The audacity is making Yu Ziyuan’s blood boils. How dare they treat them as simple people! They are a Sect leader’s wife, and the student of an immortal! And she reminds them of this truth, before going to the room she shares with her maids and Cangse Sanren.
She trusts no Wen to keep the woman safe. Except maybe the physician. She might repeat Cangse Sanren’s invitation for her, but just for her and her children!
While Jinzhu is tending to her hair, and Yinzhu to Cangse Sanren’s bath, she hears:
“Did you have to bring it up to them?”
It’s the first time that she perceives reproach in Cangse Sanren’s tone, and it leaves her speechless for a mere second.
“What?”
“Me. Being Baoshan Sanren’s student.”
Yu Ziyuan does not understand the problem. Doesn’t she wear the immortal’s name proudly? Didn’t she consider the woman, despite their dispute, her mother? Aren’t they in this mess especially because she is Baoshan Sanren’s student and she stole some immortal array before fleeing from the mountain, robbing the heart of her husband and eloping with his best friend, before coming back years later, with a kid half dead and so injured that anyone with a little bit of decency would accept to take them back?
“This is what you are.”
Cangse Sanren stares at her back, her eyes filled with a scorching fire.
“But that is not all I am.”
Yu Ziyuan doesn’t understand. “What should I say, then? Don’t treat her like this; she is Cangse Sanren, the most annoying woman on earth, student of an immortal, eloped wife of Wei Changze, mother of Wei Wuxian, Friend of Jiang Fengmian, the sect Leader-”
The laughs that she gets in response is a little bit bitter.
“No I suppose not, you would run out of breath before you get to the end of it.”
“Don’t give yourself too much credit.”
“Why must you always be so harsh, whatever you say?”
The question doesn’t sound reproachful this time. It is strange because her words are much more violent, breaking something in Yu Ziyuan’s heart far more than her previous ones.
“Don’t talk to our lady that way”, whispers Yinzhu.
But Yu Ziyuan makes a movement with her hand; asking silently to leave them alone. They obey, unwillingly. Because they are good servants, friends even. Jiang Fengmian is not the only one that can befriend people of low birth after all.
“Are we having a girls’ talk right now?” Yu Ziyuan asks.
“We are. And I'm borrowing your strategy, if you don’t mind; tackling the problem when I see it. I may be only friends with Jiang Fengmian,” resumes Cangse Sanren, “and I might take your harsh words with a smile, but he won’t. He is not like me. You think you help him by doing so, but you’re hurting him. Or maybe that’s what you want? To hurt him? If so, you better change strategies, not many people can love someone who hurts them.”
“Yet he still accepted you and Wei Changze back!”
Cangse Sanren pauses, and smiles. Yu Ziyuan realizes thanks to that, that she is defending her husband right now; she is downright angry because they hurt him in the past. She pushes the thought away- and the little voice in her head that accuses her of being a hypocrite, since she spoke to the same man with the very intent to hurt so many times too.
“He did,” confirms Cangse Sanren, “because Jiang Fengmian is kind, and he loved us before we hurt him. That’s no excuse, though, and we will have to mend the wrong we’ve done him. But that’s the difference between us and you. He doesn’t love you yet .”
For the first time, Yu Ziyuan understands why Jiang Fengmian would run away from this. It hurts. It hurts to get the truth at your face without any warning. Something you’re deeply aware of, but you still manage to avoid seeing, for your own sanity and peace of mind.
“He is my husband”, she argues.
She knows she pushes people away with her bluntness and thunder tone. When she was a kid, her mother told her to do something with her temper, because no men would want to marry her if she stamped on their ego like that. It infuriates her; why should she be careful of men’s ego when they don't even acknowledge women having one?
This is why, when she got engaged to Fengmian, she was both frustrated- she hated not having the choice -but also relieved. Because he was her husband; he married her. It was too late now, no matter how hard she pushed, he wouldn’t be able to go away.
“That is no reason, it doesn’t make him your personal punching ball” counters Cangse Sanren. “You should really try to diversify how you get your point across too,” she adds with a joke.
She turns to Yu Ziyuan and Yu Ziyuan feels her heart squeezes at a truth she already knows. It was naive to think that love would be a powerful enough weapon to protect her husband from her temper, so he could forgive her harsh words she would throw at him anytime, without regards for his own feelings. On the contrary, it prevented Fengmian to love her. It was also stupid to think he could whistand it all his life simply because they made a vow in front of the gods, their ancestors and themselves. A vow they didn’t even choose willingly.
She sees it now. (She might have always seen it, but refused to acknowledge it too, as the blame was solely on her) He had feared her; didn’t talk their problems out with her because every discussion between them was a bloody battle when all he aspired was peace and quiet.
“Would he have talked to me, had I not pushed him?” She hisses bitterly.
He would have not, she is sure of that. The Wei couple were gone for years, and she lived with the man in their absence, she knew him better than them, in a way none of them knew him.
“You don’t know that, because you’ve never left him the time he needs to”, counters Cangse Sanren. “When you did, he came up with a plan and talked about it with you.”
“Only because you were there!”
“Again, you don’t know that! Jiang Fengmian is making an effort for you,” Cangse Sanren says. “But he shouldn’t be the only one to do so. Or you will never be a couple.”
But if she can’t be herself with her own husband, then when can she be? With who? It hurts to know that there is no place in the world for her true self. It hurts that they can only meet in the middle, that he can’t just come all the way to her without her doing anything. She wanted to be loved for what she truly was, not a lie. It hurt because she feared that it was not possible.
“Are you finished?” She spits, angry, at herself as much as at Cangse Sanren.
The woman nods, proud.
“Yeah, Sorry. It’s been on my mind for awhile. I just had to give you a piece of your own medicine. I agree with you, somethings should be said and talked about. But that doesn’t mean it should be said the way you do it.”
Yu Ziyuan rises to her feet, and looks at the woman in her bath. As naked as the truth she hurt her with.
The violet spider feels the urges to spill her venom and sting her with equally harsh words.
“You will always be Baoshan Sanren’s students to other people, you can’t fight that. Truth is still truth, even if you don’t want to hear or see it. It doesn’t matter how I say it.”
And Cangse Sanren smiles again, openly angry. She doesn’t say it, but it’s evident what she thinks: S o much shit is leaking out of your mouth right now! But she is smart enough to not say it aloud; because if she did so, Yu Ziyuan would have the perfect excuse to zap her with Zidian.
They don’t speak for the rest of the night, conscious that they are both right. And that’s why it’s so hard to accept it.
Notes:
Next chapter...You will see Wen Ning and Wen Quing...And another surprise character, who can guess who it is? Clue : we're on the untamed tv show timeline !
Next chapter will be delivered on Sunday =)
Chapter 13: Letters
Notes:
Congratulation for ZestyPeriwinkle who guessed who the surprise character is!! WOUHOU! I was so happy someone guessed =D
Thank you as always, all of you, for the amazing support this fit receive, every comment makes me blush, and every kudos and bookmark helps me stay motivated!...Which is something I need right now because I bought Persona 5R and Final Fantasy 7R, and it ill be a miracle if I write anything this week and don't go ermit mode to play these two babies =x (Fortunately, life is full of opportunities, and I'm currently stuck at one plot point -I reconsidered my plan-, so maybe playing will give me the time to think about it and get inspiration / Unstuck). Don't worry though : I have plenty of chapters written in advance, so you will still have a chapter on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday next week =DI hope you'll enjoy this chapter =D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren regrets a bit what she said to Yu Ziyuan, as they travel. She knows she hurt the woman ; but she is Jiang Fengmian’s friend, first and foremost. (She actually choose to be his friend, while she has no choice regarding Yu Ziyuan’s presence) She couldn’t let him believe he was the only one to blame for his difficult marriage. She had witnessed many of the violet’s spider “discussions” by now, she can get why people would run away from it. It is not pleasant ; it is like taking a vocal beating but knowing you deserve it, because she is right. So it makes you think it’s right to be beaten and humiliated.
And it’s not okay.
It would be a lie, though, to say that she didn’t act upon her own frustration, out of pettiness. She hated to be considered as only Baoshan Sanren’s student. She missed her husband. She missed her son. Her legs started to hurt, which is a sign that the treatment might be working, but still, it hurt like hell. Everyone has feeling circumstances and context ; this is no excuse to lash out when too many things pills up. She knows that. She knows, yet she still did it.
She refuses to apologize though. What she said needed to be said. And Yu Ziyuan never apologized when she acted like that toward Jiang Fengmian.
It doesn’t help alleviate the tension between them, though, as they go through the Wen territory. Cangse Sanren underestimated how tiring flying all the time on her sword could be, and they have to do many pause because of her. The Wen are getting annoyed. People are whispering :
“Is this really this? The student of an immortal? How weak!”
She is used to see all of her goods deeds, amazing cultivation skills and brilliant plans, being labeled as Baoshan Sanren’s merits and not her own. She is less used to drag her teacher and adopting mother in the mud because of her. Mostly because people tended to not be able to believe that her impolite side and reckless, carefree attitude overall, could be inherited from a wise immortal.
If only they knew how she truly is…
She feels the burn of shame and anger. But she has a way to deal with her personal problem ; absolute denial. If she can, she doesn’t think about it, and if she can’t...She forces her smiles to grow wider and jokes louder:
“I knew i shouldn’t have taken a second bowl at the breakfast, it weight way too much on my poor sword!”
Yu Ziyuan sighs besides her. And she orders that someone of the Wen carry Cangse Sanren for the rest of today’s travel. So when she passes near, the woman whispers to the sect leader’s wife, opening up a path to reconciliation:
“Thank you.”
“You’re a dead weight right now.”
Aouch. Again with truths handled like whip strikes. She’s mad at her still. But on the other hand Cangse Sanren can also see Yu Ziyuan is trying, (otherwise she would have thrown them out of Lotus Pier the very first night) and maybe that’s why it’s so infuriating to see her try and fail, especially now that Yu Ziyuan can’t blame ignorance on her attitude anymore, Cangse Sanren does it again :
“Are you running away from the conversation?”
The same words she delivered at Jiang Fengmian. Does she understand now, how hard it is, to come back to someone, knowing you will be beaten? She doubts that she can get how it feels, to be dragged back on the battle, unsecure, when you had not find a strategy yet ; because the violet spider seems to be the kind of person to come up with a plan in the midst of the fight. She’s a bit like that too...
“I’m not running, i’m-”
“Thinking?”
“Trying not to break your legs!”
“Too late, go ahead!”
“Will you ever stop to joke on not-funny matters like this?” She hisses, weak enough so she can only be heard by her compagnon.
“It’s better to laugh than cry about it, don’t you think?”
“I think it makes you look like an idiot who can’t be serious, and i think you should stop saying bad thing about you to laugh. People already says enough mean things on their own, no need to add more to the piles yourself, or they will laugh about you and not with you!”
Aouch. True enough though. Cangse Sanren knows she tends to do that ; make the joke on her ; when she feels bad. It is one of the first lesson Baoshan Sanren taught her ; to value herself and not make friend -or people laugh- at all cost, especially her own happiness. When she first arrived on the mountain, Cangse Sanren had been too eager to make friends, to be loved -out of fear to be thrown back into the street, or maybe because she felt too lonely and while she was out of the street, being lonely was normal, but being surrounded by so many people, being lonely hurt. She made many mistakes to surround herself with people ; mistakes she was still ashamed of ; acting out-of-character, acting like people wanted her to act, acting like servant sometimes to please other, and, as Yu Ziyuan said, making joke on her back to get rewarded with a laugh, even though it hurt her in the process.
She hasn’t made this mistake in a long time. Well good! Now she is aware. She will be more cautious. She glares back at Yu Ziyuan, with provocation and smugs :
“Come on says what you need to say! Come on!”
Yu Ziyuan bits her lips and gets away from Cangse Sanren. Some Wen are watching them. Cangse Sanren realizes she can’t do that in front of all another clan.
It’s a bit disappointing -she wanted this matter to be over- but also good to, that Yu Ziyuan is forced to back off and run away from the discussion. She might be in denial -and blind- when the problem is her alone, but there’s no way she isn’t doing anything when people she likes are suffering. If it can help Yu Ziyuan understands Jiang Fengmian and helps the two of them get together for good, and end this miserable state they are stuck in, she’s okay as being branded as the manipulative villain of the story. She learned a few trick from her dear not-husband, after all!
Damn, she misses him now.
The group reaches YueYang city before midday. The Wen group announces that they will stay under the Yueyang Chang Sect for a while. Apparently their physician need to go back to their home (something akin to past troubles with the local sect) and they can’t start travelling again before getting a new doctor, thank to Cangse Sanren’s condition.
“Let’s become letter pals!,” She proposes to the physician woman, as she is waiting to leave.
Her legs feels better, after being treated for a whole week under her care ; the physician didn’t dare be optimistic, though, she told them it would take time, effort, and a lot of luck, to be able to walk again ; not even mentioning running. She will never be the same, and even if she gets back her mobility, it might always hurt. But hey, she can moves her toes, so it’s a win!
“I will write the letter with my toe, to show you my progress!” She jokes, and the woman rolls her eyes at her absurd words.
From what she gathered during their travel, the physician is from a weird kind of Wen Clan, who is always travelling to rescue and cure people, following diseases and curses everywhere. (Except when the Sect Leader especially assign them to mission or a place, she supposes, like this one) So, their path will probably cross way again. Or so she hopes! She is really talented and funny to tease.
The physician’s husband comes to get her, with some of their clan family, and he holds the cutest little boy in his arms. Apparently his name is Wen Ning! He is too shy to say anything but a stuttering “h-hello” and hides in his face in father’s collarbone. And the little girl that is too proud to be carried like her brother, is Wen Qing. Matching Names! Adorable!
If she could give Wei Ying a little brother or a little sister, she would definitely give them a matching names too.
“Be careful,” is the physician lady’s answer to her proposition, as she leaves. It’s the only warning she gives her. She apparently thinks that their Leader’s summons is not a good sign too. Her daughter, though has another interpretation of her mother’s words, and repeats:
“Yeah, be careful of Wen Chao, he pulls hair!”
And she gives Cangse Sanren a needle, so she can protect herself from the bad boy. Adorable!
“Don’t say bad thing about the Wen’s second master in the open, like this…” Scolds her his father.
The little girl doesn’t seem to agree and she pouts like a little rebel. Cangse Sanren wants ten of this little girl! She’s too adorable.
The little family goes, not after promising to say hello if they ever venture near Lotus Pier (and if these ladies would make it back safely, is left unsaid). Cangse Sanren shrugs at the obvious danger, and savors her return to civilisation instead. While Yu Ziyuan went directly at the Sect headquarter to offer her salutations, Cangse Sanren, on the other hand, decided to indulge herself and do some shopping.
She flies on her sword, earning her a lot of glances and whispers. She sees a wooden sword and a beautiful doll, perfect for A-Cheng and A-Li, and spend way too much time marveled by the iron work of lanterns at the display. She has always loved lanterns, if she listened to herself she would get a dozen of different shapes and forms, with stained glasses and figures carved ; but she couldn’t before, the life of the wanderer forced her to live scarcefully. Though, now that she actually has a bedroom, she supposes she could. But instead she decides to focus on finding gifts for A-Ying and her husband. For the same reason as she couldn’t have a lantern, Wei Changze never allowed himself to buy books (that and it was really expensive). Cangse Sanren finds him three that are, apparently, typical from the region and the Wen’s history. She hopes he will like it as much as A-Ying will like his new toys. She tries to ignore the missing parts in her heart when she thinks about them and wonders what they’re doing. On the other hand she succeeds to ignore the shadow of one of Yu Ziyuan’s twin maid following her from distance. And when she feels tired again, she sits at a restaurant table.
She doesn’t have much left from her saving, and will soon have to rely on the Yunmeng Jiang Sect’s money. That also, is troubling her. She needs to think about how she could earn her own living expense ; now that nighthunt is out of the question. While eating, she spots something from the corner of her eyes.
Another customer of the restaurant is bribing a child with pastries. The kid is obviously homeless -Cangse Sanren lived in the street, she lived in a mountain surrounded by children who were like that- she recognizes the way his clothes are barely mended, how he dresses with several layers to keep himself warm and how he brushes his hands on his legs to wipe off the dust and stains.
Even if the Innkeeper is not guilty, the doubt he casted on her parent’s mind for days, changed her way to see adult and child’s interaction. Cangse Sanren can’t help herself but fear now. So she listens to their conversation. Her heart eases a little when she understands the man only wants the kid to deliver a letter in his stead. He promises him the pastries as a payment.
But as she watches the child runs, eager to earn his meal, her worry starts again : especially when she sees the customer eats all the candies he promised the boy, stands and leaves without a word to the waitress.
She can’t think straight. Why? Is...Is the letter a trap? She heard about such traffic, as she lived in the street herself, people who would ask you to deliver a letter to someone, a slave trader usually, and you get kidnapped upon reception. It is usually aimed at girls so you could sell them to a brothel ; and so she had been keenly cautious in order to not to end like this, before the immortal adopted her, but…
Cangse Sanren can’t keep the idea out of her brain now. She pays the bill and gets back on her sword. She takes a little bit of altitude, floating just above the roofs in order to get a bird’s view and spot the kid again. She heard where he was supposed to go but she doesn’t know the city as well as the orphan, of course.
Immediately, Yinzhu (Or was it Jinzhu?) jumps on the rooftop next to her and raise an eyebrow, silently asking what the heck she is doing. Just as Cangse Sanren is about to answer she sees the boy.
He is being beaten down. She wastes not time and dashes to the battle, tackling the man with her body as she more or less fell on him.
It was not her brightest plan or her most memorable fight, she concedes it. She had planned to give him a kick, but well, whatever works. She forgot.
So instead she pulls off the needle the little Wen girl gave her earlier and push it into the man’s arm, to make sure it hurt as much as the kick she intended to give him.
Fortunately, Yinzhu (or Jinzhu) is not impaired like Cangse Sanren, and she has been ordered to protect the latter. So when the man stands up again, pushing away Cangse Sanren, she immobilizes him by hitting a pressure point on his neck. He falls on the ground unconscious.
Maybe she should have used the needle for that, Cangse Sanren briefly thinks.
The battle is over so fast, the kid didn’t even have the time to run away, he stares at the two women, eyes wides and with a bloody nose.
“Are you okay?”
She checks the boy urgently, but fortunately he has no broken bones. He is so young! Probably only a little bit older than Yanli! Who, in their right mind beat up such a baby? Angers fills her heart, proportionally to the tears that fill the boy’s eyes.
Yinzhu (Yeah she definitely thinks it’s not Jinzhu) takes the letter and reads it. She frowns and looks at the man on the ground. Then says:
“I must go warn my lady about something. Can you not get in troubles until i get back?”
She makes not promise. If she sees the culprit again, she will break his nose. Plus, doesn’t her sentence imply she can get in trouble when the maid gets back?
Cangse Sanren looks at the boy, who is sniffing and hurt. It reminds her so much of herself, of her own son. She didn’t get a single nightmare since she left with the Wen, but this whole situation makes her remember the Wei Ying of her dreams. The one who is all alone and promise to be good, the one she can’t reach and hug.
So she hugs this boy there, and whispers:
“Let’s heal your wound and get you some candies, you deserve it and it’s the best medicine i know.”
The boy must seriously have some sweet tooth because his head perks up at the simple mention, and he smiles between his sobs. Yinzhu drops them at the restaurant they were earlier, before leaving for the sect, taking the unconscious man with her. Before she leaves, though, Cangse Sanren asks a second of her time, and tell the boy to hit his assaulter in the groin, to make things fair. The boy is very happy to obey, (maybe a bit too much) and Cangse Sanren let the boy eats to his heart’s content once they’re done with it.
“What’s your name, little one?” she asks, as he stuffs as many pastries as he can in his mouth.
“Xue Yang,” the boy answers after a while. “You’re a cultivator?”
She wonders if he got this name because of the city he is living in or if there’s more to it. But on the other hand it’s rare for a street rat to have a last name. It rings strangely to her ears, it seems familiar. She closes her eyes and tries to remember.
Something...Something about clan being defeated by the Wen. Yeah. She is pretty sure that’s it. Maybe one of the clan the Wen absorbed in the past few years? Or the clan that was there before the current sect? If that’s the case, maybe he stills has family and they’re just poor.
“Yes i am,” she says to the kid. “Do you have any family that can take care of you, Xue Yang?”
The boy snarks, as if the idea is absurd and looks at her sword at her waist, with a little bit of envy, or maybe apprehension.
She was scared he would give her this answer. She could go, and tell him to not be so naive again, to not accept odd job anymore...But she can’t do that, she knows how hard it is to survive on the street, forbidding to accept minor tasks like that is condemning him to starve.
“Can i have more?” the boy demands, showing his empty plate again and she doesn’t have the heart to refuse.
“Don’t eat too fast and too much or you’ll get yourself sick, sugar is not as good when it goes up as when it goes down!”
He chuckles and eats slower, while Cangse Sanren is left with her own thoughts. If Wei Changze were there, he would know what to do. She doesn’t. She wishes she could bring him with her at the Yunmeng Jiang sect, but...She can’t. For many reasons.
First, Yu Ziyuan is currently angry at her, she will have no patience and is probably less willing to accept Cangse Sanren’s whim. (Because she might be shameless, but she can recognize a whim when she sees one, she is a mother after all).
It’s too bad, because the two boys would have matching name, A-Ying and A-Yang, how cute would it be?! She still thinks.
Second, is that she owes already a lot to Jiang Fengmian. So much that she will not be able to repay him in a lifetime. Wei Changze is aware of that too, of how they abused their friend’s kindness. She can’t weight him with another debt. Her husband is way more conscious of those things than her, she can’t do that to him either.
But A-Cheng and A-li seemed to love having a new brother, and he is right about A-Li’s age, maybe they would get along...
Third, she is not good at politics but she is pretty sure she can’t just go in another sect’s territory and claim a child as her own without creating a big conflict.
Even if it’s a street rat and no one care.
And finally, but more importantly, she is currently heading for Qishan first, to what might be a trap. She can’t bring an innocent child in this.
Okay, i have no counterpart to that, she concedes to her own mind. She already put in danger A-Ying, almost killing him in the process, Cangse Sanren knows she can’t take care of that lonely kid when she barely can with her own son.
But she knows someone who can without fearing for any consequence. Someone whose name is on everyone’s lips around her, a name which follow her like a shadow, a name she both loves and hates, a name she wears too. Boashan Sanren.
It is hard to consider the idea. The mountain felt like a prison to her, it was the place she was raised, more than a home. She would wish to no one to live through this. But she would also wish to no one to live on the street. And it would be unfair to deny that her teacher treated her well. She had a roof over her head, she was fed, trained, educated, even loved to some extent, in the strange way immortals do. On the mountain, the boy would never be beaten like he is on streets.
But it is his choice. He has the right to choose his future, knowing the full truth about it.
“Xue Yang,” she starts, her voice quivering, “Do you want to have a home?”
Xue Yang gulps his candies, and immediately shakes his head. But he stops, and suddenly, looks at the pastry, as if he suddenly remembers where blind trust and naivety lead him earlier.
“I know someone, who takes care of orphans like you,” she explains. “She gives them a place, food, education, and if you have the talent, you can even become a cultivator like me.”
The boy’s eyes narrows, and he stares at Cangse Sanren, waiting for the catch. And there’s the catch ;
“But she lives on a mountain, and once you go there, you’re not allowed to go back to the normal world. If you do, you’re never allowed to return to her side.”
Surely, for a kid like hil, this problem seems like nothing, and far away, not that big at all, compared to all he could gain. Who would want to leave this place after all? But she wants him to understand it, so she adds:
“I grew up there, and...It is a great place. You have to be a little bit wary of the time, like when to eat, when to sleep, as the caretaker is a bit off about that, and be especially vigilant when you feel sick, to tell her that you are because she forget people are fragile, yet still great...But i needed more. I needed freedom, and that’s okay. But it is the one thing the place can’t give you.”
Freedom is a big word, but a word that every one get, no matter how young. And for the first time, the boy seems to get it. For a second, then his eyes lingers again on her sword, and he caresses the sheath with the tip of his fingers.
“You’re here, not in the mountain,” he points out.
Cangsen Sanren nods, and her hearts stings a bit still, like it always does when she mentions the place. It is a bittersweet feeling ; a place full of memories, not all happy, yet never completely sad either ; but stained with the knowledge that she could never return. It is as the image of the surrogate mother ; both good and bad, love and hate. It was her home for a time, but at the same time, would you truly call it a home, when you never have the choice in the matter, and when if given, you would not go back to unless forced? It is more of a missed opportunity, the ghost of what she wishes it had been.
“I’m not,” she says. “Because i chose freedom.”
“So you have freedom,” he says, with a strange smile. “You have all the mountain gave you and that too.”
What greedy words, coming from such a young kid. Cangse Sanren can’t help but laugh, nerves wracking. Oh Baoshan Sanren will love this little one, and hate him just as much! He is looking like troubles.
“Do you want to go, then?”
Xue Yang looks determined, and nods.
“Nothing here for me anyways,” he states.
He is right. Nothing good at least. Streets are no place for kids.
“I will write you a letter.”
She can’t talk to Baoshan Sanren, she can’t face her, but she can send him the boy with a letter of explanation. Maybe...Maybe she will be able to tell her all she had done, all she missed, all she needs to say to her but can’t because of her vow. It would not be completely “using” the boy, right?
“I can’t read!” warns her the boy, with a sudden panic. As if the opportunity will fly away because of his ignorance. Cangse Sanren shakes her head and waves her hands.
“Don’t worry. It’s only personal, so that the person who will meet you, will know why you’re here.”
Suspicion arises in the boy’s eyes, once again, and who could blame him? It is a letter who pushed him into this mess.
It seems only fair that it is also a letter that will get him out of it.
Notes:
Wen Ning and Wen Qing made an (very short) appearance, they will stay a little bit longer in the future, but now I just wanted to introduce their situation before the serie/The Untamed plot hit them at full force...!
Next chapter is Cangse Sanren's pov again. I hope you'll like it =D
Chapter 14: Jerks with power
Notes:
Hi everyone! I hope you had a great Easter Day ! (For those who are celebrating)
Thank you so much for all the comments, kudos and support the last chapter got <3
Here is the new chapter, there's a bit of the plot points clue there and there, and you should be able to guess pretty easily some things (I would be happy to see what your theories are if you want to try =D) there's also two surprise character in this chapter too...but they're not named. One is a reference to another work of the same author, one is a character of the story line. Will you guess who ? =) (One is pretty much obvious though since I call him by his title, but if you haven't read the work, you can't guess I suppose...)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren spends the rest of the day writing the letter (she sends the boy buying paper and ink in her stead). Pages keep piling up. When one of the twins returns, she had almost ten pages. It’s a fucking novel. But she never learned how to shut up and explain things shortly so…
She apologizes to her teacher about her last words, when they parted. She tells her about her life, her husband and friends, her adventures. She regrets Wei Changze’s absence as she can only doodle something vaguely human to represent her Wei Ying. Even Xue Yang looks sceptic at that and he asks:
“What are those? Even I can draw better...”
“My husband and child.”
“You’re that old?”
Wow. Rude. Baoshan Sanren will get hell raising that. She almost regrets not seeing it.
Cangse Sanren also tells her about the night hunt, her wounds and her son’s condition. She knows the woman will not answer her, but she still wants to. She explains her current invention to keep the ghost at bay, and what they plan to do to cure the boy, to make sure she understands she’s not asking for her help. She is handling the matter thank you very much. She also hesitates on whether or not she should confess her sin and the array she used, that the Wen might be after. But finally decides against it. Her teacher walked away from mortals’ troubles and war, even if she knew she would not step in and fix this mess. It is Cangse Sanren’s responsibility alone.
And also Baoshan Sanren might descend the mountain to personally kill her. (Maybe she’s a bit exaggerating but she would definitely get punished for this, and who in their right mind would look forward to a punishment?).
Finally, she talks about Xue Yang and how they met, pleading with her to take the boy under her tutelage. She hopes that her immortal mother is wise enough to not take Xue Yang as a replacement for Cangse Sanren, and that her anger toward her will not hinder her judgement nore her affection.
By the time she finishes, it’s getting dark outside, and time to get back to the Sect. She turns to Xue Yang and moves her hands, forming seals, before pointing to his forehead.
He gasps, as the directions to the mountain swirls into his brain, as clear as water. She gives him the rest of her money, to help him travel safely to Yiling with a roof above his head, and bids him farewell.
“I’ll be a great cultivator, you’ll see! Better than you!”
She doesn’t have the heart to tell him she will never see him again, and waves her hands until he disappears into the horizon.
“It’s good he’s gone,” nods Jinzhu (or is it Yinzhu, did they switch places?) “He wouldn’t have been able to go with you.”
“I know that...Jiang Fengmian can’t-”
“No I mean at the Yueyang Sect. The man who sent him to get beaten is the sect leader of the place. Our madam is currently handling the matter with him.”
Cangse Sanren feels her cheeks getting hot, and the anger rises in her chest. Sect! Again! Do they feel so superior they can step on the poor, common people, on children ?!
“I don’t feel like sleeping under the roof of yet another bastard,” she says angrily.
And to her surprise, Jinzhu (?) smiles and bows.
“And so does our madam, we already booked a room for you at the local inn instead.”
Cangse Sanren hopes that the Violet Spider used her method on the poor man and beat him up vocally, at the very least. (Part of her wishes she could beat him up physically too, but she supposes Jiang Fengmian would hate that they started a war during their journey).
Later that night, Yu Ziyuan barges into the room and complains non-stop about unworthy Sect Leaders, Wen and men in general, as if nothing happened between them, and Cangse Sanren is all too happy to keep the subject up. A common enemy is what they need to finally bond, it would seem, and after two hours of ranting, they look at one another and laugh like they’re friends.
It’s a strange experience.
They do not apologize, but they talk about the problem, about what it felt like and why they had been so furious. Like a real girl’s talk.
“I push people away. They hate me for it, I'm used to that. I used to don’t mind it, to even feel prouder because they did. I’m not used to wanting people to stay and like me back. I’m not used to... ”
She pauses and frowns looking for her words as if it was hidden somewhere in the room.
“To this loneliness.” She settles for. “I don’t like to know that no one can like me, ever, because I push them away.”
Cangse Sanren doesn’t know what to say to make the loneliness go away but she tries.
“Well, I don’t think that’s true. I like you quite a bit, you’re all bark and bite. I find you funny.”
“My husband does not.”
Cangse Sanren stops, and she witnesses the wound she inflicted with her harsh words. She is a troublemaker after all, she likes to make people happy, to make them laugh; not cry. She never knows what to do when they cry. Maybe this method is not for her, if it makes people cry and she has to comfort them after.
“You’re very different from one another,” She mediates.
And Yu Ziyuan laughs at that, bitter, sad, aware. Cangse Sanren is not sorry for telling the truth, but she is sorry to have hurt the other that way, so she clarifies:
“Listen...I...I don’t think you’re wrong with wanting to fix a problem as soon as you encounter one. I’m not much of a fixer but I do like to call myself an improver, I improve things.”
“You mean troublemaker.”
“Semantics. It’s almost the same! So I kinda get the urge. And I do think you helped us get through all this mess faster with your method.”
“Then why? What I’m supposed to do with him, when he can’t face his problem? Let him run away?”
“He does not run away; he thinks,” Cangse Sanren snaps. “He wants to fix things as much as you do, but he is not like you- like us. He does not think like you, when Jiang Fengmian encounters a problem, he thinks of a solution before he deals with it.”
And he doesn’t make a move until he has it. People mistake this as softness, as weakness, and surely, sometimes it is. But it is as many times a strength; Cangse Sanren envies this side of him. She is a stranger to this feeling, caution is something she regrets not having each time she finds herself in trouble. For at least a full minute. Then she uses her own way and she feels better.
“He respects your method, the least you can do is not mock his own. It is not bad, it’s just different. Like you are. It’s like people who are jumping, there are some who jump straight away, and some who need to take a few steps back to have the momentum!”
Cangse Sanren likes the comparison she came up with in the heat of the discussion. It is just like that: you could indeed force a person to jump the way you wanted him to do, either without taking a few steps before, or with another extra step, but it will not be as pleasant or easy for them. You could get behind their back and push them, and they might get to the other side just as well, but they could also trip and fall and hurt themselves in the process. She doesn’t want Jiang Fengmian to be hurt. But she understands that he has to get to the other side, and the urge of Yu Ziyuan to make him get there.
Once upon a time, Baoshan Sanren once told her students the story of a young crown prince, who ascended to godhood too soon. Unable to forget his kingdom and past life’s family, he disobeyed the rules and descended to help his people when they faced trouble. His actions were prompt, too eager, and caused a lot of misery. Because he couldn’t help them as a god, and neither could he as their crown prince, despite all his power. The purpose was to teach them that rushing recklessly was bad (along with disobeying order and for immortal to not meddle with human business. Cangse Sanren decided to learn none of these). But the adventure didn’t end there; as the crown prince faced defeat and pain, he grew unsure of himself and indecisive. He always was one to look for a third path when only two choices were presented to him, and when Baoshan Sanren narrated the story, it was always pictured as something utterly foolish. The crown prince wasted time and time not wanting to choose, hoping for the third path, or another solution- a better one -to appear, until none remained, not even the first two, and all that was left for him was tragedy.
Cangse Sanren hates this tale with all her heart, she remembers being so sad for the crown prince, and so angry at people for not understanding his struggle. But facing Yu Ziyuan, while being friends with Jiang Fengmian makes her reconsider. They are both similar to the crown prince in a way, one in the hurry of doing something, while the other is waiting for a better solution, trying to attempt the impossible. She hopes their story will end up better than for the sad crown prince.
There’s poison in Yu Ziyuan’s words when she speaks again, “What am I supposed to do, then? When he takes forever and refuses to speak? If you know him so well, surely you must have a solution!” but its venom is aimed at the speaker, not Cangse Sanren.
“I’m sorry. I don’t have one.” She whispers, powerless. She never had to deal with Jiang Fengmian's "hermit mode" as Wei Changze likes to call it. He would probably be a better adviser in this case, but he is not there. “I can only repeat what I said to you last time. There’s no problem with saying the truth like you do, but there’s a way to say it and a time to do it. Circling around him and pressuring him until he gives up talking is not going to make him love you, it will just make him tired.”
She closes her eyes, knowing that much.
“It is up to Jiang Fengmian and you, to find an equilibrium, as a couple. To find where to draw the line, and how long you handle letting him think, and how much pressure he can stand from you. Not me.”
At least, unlike the crown prince of the story, they have each other, to balance things out. They are not fighting against themselves. She learned that while living with Wei Changze; having someone to talk to, to explain what troubles you. Sometimes it is enough to make you feel better and your thoughts clearer.
Yu Ziyuan is angry at the idea. She will be angry for a while, unfortunately, until she and Jiang Fengmian find understanding and middle ground. And Jiang Fengmian will be as equally tired and lost in the meantime. Cangse Sanren is not looking forward to that.
“And what do I do with all these feelings?” Wonders Yu Ziyuan, opening her hands, and closing them without grasping anything.
How can Cangse Sanren say that, like it’s easy? Yu Ziyuan thinks. When she is lucky enough to have someone by her side already, someone who was willing to give up everything to follow her on the road?
Yu Ziyuan has a husband who would rather leave her to die if it meant he would have to fight anyone to save her. She will never be loved as Cangse Sanren is.
Does that mean that she doesn’t deserve it? That it’s entirely Yu Ziyuan’s fault because she is not loveable? She doesn't want to believe that there exists some unlovable people, but at the same time, she met plenty of those kinds in her life that she deemed and judged as much. The sect leader who tricked a child just today is one, for example. Does that mean she is just as bad as them? She refuses to think. She can't afford to think so.
Yet, Yu Ziyuan is alone. She feels lonely, because she cannot be as angry as she needs to be with someone, not even her husband. Furious. At herself and others, for being the way they are. She’s sad, because she will have to change to get what she wants. It hurts to know that she is part of the things causing her own unhappiness. But no one else can do anything, but her, at the very least, she has control over her actions.
She has freedom, she is aware of what she has to do, at least a little, and so she has choices.
It just hurt, for now, to know she has to.
Cangse Sanren is not Jiang Fengmian, she can’t give Yu Ziyuan the love and acceptance she seeks as a lover, but she can give it as a friend, and maybe, in the future, as a sister. And she says so:
“Well, if he angers you and you need to vent, I can listen to you. I don’t mind. I like bitching from time to time. And if it’s really all too hard and you truly need to break things...I can throw things at you!”
She jokes:
“You will destroy it with Zidian, like Whoosh and crack! And we’ll make all disciples believe it’s a new way of training!”
“It would cost us a fortune if I had to break things every time I'm having a bad day."
"Well, you're paying, so who cares?"
"Who in their right mind, would agree to be your sister,” scoffs Yu Ziyuan, the tiniest bit amused.
“Well, if I recall, you did!”
“That is what I said. I must be a little bit mad.”
Cangse Sanren bursts into laughter; she likes it the best, when people joke with her.
In exchange for her open heart, Cangse Sanren whispers what worries her too; How all she ever accomplishes are because of Baoshan Sanren for people, and her mistakes are always her own. Yet; it still stains the immortal robe of the one who raised her. She loves Baoshan Sanren, she doesn’t want to disappoint her, she hates her, she is scared of what she thinks of her. She wants to be like her, and yet she wants to be her own person. It sometimes feels like there's no way out of this cruel loop.
Yu Ziyuan listens to her complaints, and stares at the ceiling, she also doesn’t know what to say to help. Just like she can’t have the love of her husband assured, it seems like a child doesn’t have to love their parents too, as they grow up. And it scares her too. She never knew words that mend wounds, only words that inflicted it. It’s easier to destroy than to build. So she stays silent, and listens because, that’s the only thing she can do.
When the ex-wanderer finally stops, Yu Ziyuan hesitates, and offers:
“I don't know Baoshan Sanren, but I know you. I think you’re smart. Annoyingly smart! It’s better to have you at our side than against us.”
That’s the closest to a compliment Cangse Sanren will have coming from Yu Ziyuan. It makes her happy nonetheless, so she smiles brightly, and this time, does not fake it.
They reach Qishan, and Nightless city, three days later. One would think that, wearing such a name, the city would be all sparks and joy, with fever parties everywhere, alcohol pouring from every bar and people dancing around until dawn. Cangse Sanren looks at the city, so dark and gloomy, and whispers:
“Each time I’m here, I can't help but wonder how the Wen ancestors came here, saw that and thought “Yes it is the perfect place to live in!”
Yu Ziyuan, Jinzhu and Yinzhu hide their smiles behind their sleeves. A personal record. She’s getting better at being their friend.
“Don’t say that in front of Wen Ruhoan” Yu Ziyuan warns her as they are led to the throne room. She promises, and tries to act as Wei Changze. But god it is hard to keep this act up, because the decoration is really awful. She feels like walking into one of those badly written novels, where bad people are ugly and dressed in black and live in a dark place and speak while there’s a thunderstorm outside. You know, to make it obvious to anyone that they are the bad guys, in case the reader is stupid. Baoshan Sanren loved to make things evident like that in her stories, for the youngest ones under her care.
She mentally composes a song in her head, as they wait for death- correction, Wen Ruohan. It is a good way to calm her nerves. She doesn’t dare to sing it aloud though, because she’s tone deaf.
The bad guys, the bad guys, yes, that’s them, they’re the bad guys…
“Do you feel it?” Whispers Yu Ziyuan at her sides.
Cangsen Sanren frowns and nods in confirmation. The whole place stinks of resentful energy. It is badly concealed.
The worst thing is, that she sees a little boy running in the corridors, throwing a tantrum and pulling the poor maid’s hair as she tries to get him under control. The poor maid is begging him to stop, but it only makes him cry louder, until a teen suddenly rushes in and yells “Stop bullying nanny!”
And CHOP!
He hits the boy’s head with his hand, making the maid beg:
“Young master Wen Xu, please no! Don’t hit your little brother Wen Chao!”
Which makes him turn to his nanny and screams:
“Don’t give me orders!”
And CHOP! Again. Except this time the maid is crying and the little boy’s sobs turn into giggles, he claps like he is looking at some amazing show, while his older brother suddenly realizes he did the exact same thing he forbade moments before, and panics. Half giving apologies, half stating that she shouldn’t have acted this way in the first place because he is the heir and no one dares talk to the heir like that! The poor maid sobs, and cries out:
“Give me a hand with the young masters please!”
One teenage boy, arrives in hurry. He is a little older than the first, as he definitely hit his growth spurt where the other had not. He holds his sect robes up and runs to her to gather Wen Chao in his arms.
Yu Ziyuan’s eyes narrow when she sees him, but then they disappear around the corner of the hallway too fast. She scoffs, and whispers something about badly-educated kids, but Cangse Sanren can’t help but worry about the children’s cognitions. Growing up in such an environment- full of bad energy -might not be good for their development, their absence of logic must be proof. Who thought it was a good idea to go the demonic path, in a place full of living people?
And more importantly, who would dare to do such a thing under their sect leader’s noses?
The answer is simple, no one. Wen Ruohan allows people to cultivate it. Is he cautioning demonic cultivation? The very idea sends shivers to her spine. Maybe he even supervises it.
It is a frightening thought. Nothing good comes out of resentful energy, and this path of cultivation is dangerously unexplored. It even scares Baoshan Sanren. Cangse Sanren touch the tips of her sword, ready to fight, as she runs out of rhyme for her song and her stressed brain starts to change her lyrics into something more akin to:
And we’re doomed, yes we’re doomed...Doomed, doomed, doomed!
Even in her head the song starts to sound a little bit hysterical, but heck she never said she was good at composing. And it feels more and more evident that this whole ordeal is a big trap and-
Wen Ruohan steps into the light, and sits upon his throne before them. He barely follows the courtesy rules and pays Yu Ziyuan little attention. Instead he focuses solely on Cangse Sanren as soon as politeness allows him to do so, and comes straight to the point:
“I heard you faced quite an ordeal during the night hunt that took your legs. Tell me about it. I want to know every detail.”
This is unexpected. So he didn’t hear about the means she used to escape death? Does that mean that there is no spy at Lotus Pier? It is truly for a story that he forced them to go all the way to his capital? What a prideful man!
She does her best to narrate the events, describing every details the best she could to not be summoned all the way up again under this stupid pretext. Of course she invents a lie when she arrives at the part where her husband and kid fled from the beast, saying that fortunately, some disciples from Lotus Pier were in the area and rescued them in time. Yu Ziyuan nods by her side, confirming the lie by this simple gesture.
Wen Ruohan listens carefully. And when Cangse Sanren is done, he simply asks:
“And your kid, you said he was hurt. How is his wound?”
Cangse Sanren’s eyes narrow. His question is too precise; he could have asked if her son survived, if he is impaired, but no, he demands to describe his injury?
She realizes that the man knows something. Hides something.
Why is he even interested in a piece of land which sits so far away from his territory? A place which is under three other clans’ juridictions? This is fishy.
“He is fine,” She says, like a liar. “The first night was critical but he made it through and will have no sequel whatsoever.”
She does not trust him; if he had her son’s safety in mind, he would have been honest and straightforward with her. He has another objective and she’s going to discover what it is.
“No marks or scars?” Wen Ruohan insists.
“No.”
This time it is Yu Ziyuan who lies, a sign that she also understood what was going on.
Wen Ruohan seems suddenly bored, and he leads further into his throne, in an informal sitting position, as if they lost all interest in his eyes.
“I see.”
“May I ask you, Sect Leader, why you seem so interested in my son?”
“You may not.”
Urf. Well she tried. Jerk. It's not hard to remember that she can't tease this one out without causing a war and endangering her, Yu Ziyuan, and her maids' lives. But it sucks.
“Then can I ask why you are so interested in this nighthunt, and this place, when it’s so far aw-”
“-I’m the one asking the questions here,” retorks the Sect leader with little to no patience.
Yu Ziyuan is furious.
“We traveled for a long time to bring you this story, and the Sect of Yunmeng Jiang sent you his lady and the famous student of Baoshan Sanren to answer your questions.”
She reminds him of their rank, and how rude he is, to force him to return the favor and give them answers. Instead, Wen Ruohan changes the subject and says:
“What are your thoughts about the attack, student of Baoshan Sanren? Do you think the creature you fought was that powerful?”
“I fail to understand what this Sect leader means. I nearly got killed, to my modest standards, it makes the creature very dangerous. To me at the very least.”
He grins. Will he comment and say the same things as his men, how the student of Baoshan Sanren is not as good as they believed, and that the immortal raised a failure?
He does not, and clarifies:
“Do you think it is possible that this beast’s power was enhanced?”
She blinks, and gives it a thought. Maybe two. Everything happened so fast, she could not say, but if she listened to her guts feeling, if she were honest with herself…
She would say yes.
It is not her being proud; estimating that any beast needed to cheat to beat her, no. It is because they faced something they were not prepared for; something that looked like what the villagers usually faced yearly, and yet was different at the same time. The beast acted differently. Why? Usually, when it happened the cause was resentful energy in the area; people being afraid and nourishing the very thing they were scared of despite themselves. But that couldn’t be the case there either: villagers were used, almost resigned, to this phenomenon. They believed it was wolves, not a supernatural matter.
If something strengthened the beast they fought, then there was another factor to take into consideration. She doesn’t know what, but Wen Ruohan looks like he has an idea. A rogue cultivator using resentful energy maybe? Plausible.
Is it possible, she thinks, that it affected her son’s nightmares too? That whatever is plaguing him right now is also due to what Wen Ruohan is looking for, hence his questions about him as well?
If so, it can’t be a rogue cultivator- as they changed place and brought no one with them -but more like an artefact. An object of power that could attract or enhance resentful energy in the near proximity, and leave an imprint on those who were affected by it. Not quite a curse, but lasting damages. What could it be? She's never heard of something like this, except in legends Baoshan Sanren told them sometimes. But her legends were full of mystical things, of immortals able to change gender, speak in each other’s mind thanks to a password, ghosts so strong they could do almost anything as long as people believed they could, or things lost in ancients times, impossible to date thanks to her teacher’s blurry chronological memory. Some of those things were real, some were not, and Cangse Sanren failed to distinguish the first kind from the second half of the time.
Though, whatever it is, if Wen Ruohan gets his hands on it first, she would not get her answer. She has to find it before he does.
“No, nothing enhanced the beast’s strength.” she lies to his face again, hoping to slow his search enough for her to catch up. “I would have felt it.”
With that, the meeting is over. Wen Ruohan sends them away, as easily as he’d summoned them, and Yu Zihuan and Cangse Sanren find themselves at the door of Nightless city, safe and sound, if a little bit surprised and indigned.
“All of this...for that?!” The sect leader’s wife whispers, rage filling her every word. “Such arrogance! Who does he think he is? Does he truly believe his Sect is our superior? That he can summon us and send us away like mere servants?!”
Cangse Sanren relates; but also doesn’t. She is less hurt in her pride and more disappointed, such a big detour and journey! So many worries and plans to be prepared for the worst and...It fell flat. Her only frustration lies in the fact that she ended up with more questions than answers; but even with that she has a new goal to keep her mind busy from the anger. It helps. Even though she does want to burn a few of Wen Ruohan's things in retaliation. (She can't, she knows that, even if he deserves it). But there is one point that is truly a tragedy in all of this.
“I won’t be saved from torture by my dashing not-husband! What a tragedy!” She grieves.
And Yu Ziyuan hits her shoulder on response, her frown still there, but her lips slightly turning upward then.
“If you want to be tortured, I can make arrangements.” She smiles like a shark.
“Traveling with you is already a torture itself” She scoffs.
“We are in agreement on that point.”
Yet they both smile. It seems like this is their thing now; Cangse Sanren wants to believe that Yu Ziyuan's way to answer her jokes is her way to show affection.
Well, at the very least, this journey wasn’t for naught; Baoshan Sanren gained a new student in her mountain, and Cangse Sanren befriended the feared Violet Spider, Yu Ziyuan. (At least she thinks she is? She will have to ask her at some points if she's serious with her threats. Maybe agree on a fifty fifty ratio, like you say you hate me five times, but show me you like me five other times so I can’t know if my life is truly in danger?) While Wen Ruohan ends up with nothing. He even gave out some information by accident. Ha! In your face!
So, who is the winner between them?
She stares at the horizon, turning her back to the gloomy Nightless city, all gray and dark, when Lotus Pier is nothing but lights and warmth. She thinks of all the lands she will have to go through, before getting back to her husband and son; home. She freezes at the word.
Home.
It’s the first time in Cangse Sanren’s life that she has a place she wants and can return to. It feels strange.
It feels great too.
Notes:
A little bit of a word about unreliable characters. There's a sentence in this chapter that is untrue ; all people who read/saw canon material knows it it. This is only how the character saying it feels right now, of course. Let's hope they will get to know the truth at one point in the future. u-u
Next chapter we're back at Lotus Pier! Wei Changze's point of view with if I remember correctly, a little bit of Jiang Fengmian's there and there...!
Chapter 15: Fathers' days
Summary:
Hi everyone! Thank you once again for all your amazing support, kudos and comments <3
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Changze has his only available hand so full he barely has time to miss his wife. One would think, naively, that taking care of one child in the absence of his mother shouldn’t be hard. Except it’s one injured, fresh out of bed child, and it is his Cangse Sanren’s son ; Wei Ying.
There’s no way that it is easy.
The thing with children this young, is that you often see them doing something bad ; but it is so absurd, so funny, that you barely registers it. First you think “Oh he should not pull this tablecloth, or he will get everything that’s on it in the face”, then you laugh mentally at the image, then, and only then, your body gets it. When it’s already too late and the mistake is done. You have a kid crying in front of you, and the urge to laugh because it was as funny as you pictured it, and everything is okay so it doesn’t matter, but you still have to sooth your child who is bawling his eyes out and explain him why it was a bad idea, while you don’t get why they even did this in the very first place.
It was already hard for Wei Changze to handle that phenomenon with one kid. Now he has three. Three kids that are are overly enthusiastic and want to do everything together. Everything. Three time the disaster formula.
Jiang Fengmian has assured that the lady he hired in town would be enough to keep an eye on them. He was optimistic, and wrong, now he knows better and regrets his words, as he looks as his best friend :
“I miss my wife…”
Wie Changze nods, Yu Ziyuan would indeed be very much needed right now. But she is not there, so they have to make a do.
“Will A-Cheng and A-Yi, i mean A-Xian, are going to be okay?” Asks Jiang Yanli, worried.
She stares at the top of the tree, where he two boys are currently stuck. Apparently, there had been an incident with the dogs, which lead to Wei Ying climbing up as high as he could. A-Cheng feeling guilty (and after putting back his dogs inside) had tried to get his new friend down...Only to end up as stuck as him midway. But with in bonus, the new cat of the Wei Family is with him, because the kitten apparently it thought it was a game (or maybe he wanted to rescue his little humans, or show them how to do it properly in a cat way. Who knows? Wei Changze doesn’t master cat’s language, he already barely speaks kid’s language).
If his son wasn’t currently ten meters above ground, Wei Changze would laugh, Cangse Sanren certainly would. But right now he doesn’t find it very funny ; he has no clue how to make them go down safely to the ground.
“A-Xian” Tries Jiang Fengmian.
“Who’s that?” Screams A-Ying, his head perking out of the tree branches.
“That’s you. Wei Wuxian, A-Xian, remembers, we talked about it this morning!”
The boy hums, as if he has to give a thought about it.
“But i’m Wei Ying?”
Wei Changze promises to have a talk about courtesy name with his child, if he manages to get him down one day, but now is not the moment.
“A-Cheng, A-Ying, if you managed to get this far up, you can manage to get down the same way.”
“But i don’t remember how i did it!” Laments A-Ying.
“I do!” States proudly A-Cheng. “But i have the kitty now!”
“Drop the kitten A-Cheng!” Orders Jiang Fengmian.
“Don’t drop my kitty!” Screams A-Ying immediately.
Jiang Cheng looks at them both, confused, and does nothing.
“Explain him,” reminds him Wie Changze.
“A-Xian,” Tries Jiang Fengmian. “Your kitten will be okay, it is a cat, it knows how to climb tree and how to gets down without human. A-Cheng, drops it, let it be.”
Jiang Yanli finds the way to convince them both, and uses her robe to make a fake landing and comfy area for the kitten, promising to catch it if it fall. The pet manages to get to the ground faster than the two boys without needing it at all, of course.
“That’s it” instructs Wei Changze. “Always keep your right and left foot on different branches. Same with your hands. Slowly…try to get to the same part of the tree...”
When they finally reunite, Jiang Fengmian jumps and catch them both in his arms. They are overly impressed and do not feel guilty one bit, so much that Wei Changze fears they might do it again just for fun. But it’s a problem for tomorrow. Right now, they lost too much time on this matter ; the sect disciples are waiting for them.
The “nanny” takes back all the children, and apologizes again and again, before hurrying them inside. After this little adventure, Wei Ying’s bandages are filthy, and needs to be changed again to avoid infection. Jiang Yanli assists the doctor eagerly, as he does it.
Wei Changze still has a lot of thing to learn about the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, so they go back to touring the place. So far he had only supervised simple martial training, so he doesn’t know many things Jiang Fengmian has changed when he took the position of leader. It is a strange feeling ; he had known the man so well in the past, and because of their long separation, he has now to meet again someone that is familiar and yet a little bit of a stranger. The whole place is different too, even though he grew up there and the buildings are the same, from ground to ceiling.
It’s all in the air, the atmosphere of the place, that makes it a different place.
Servants are not mere servants anymore, like they were during Jiang Fengmian’s parents’ rules. Disciples take turns to do chores with them and make dinner, for example ; only the most trusted though, as they cannot allow people to be poisoned.
It’s smart, Wei Changze can’t help but think ; if one of the servant is a spy, then pairing him up with a disciple during those tasks give the sect a chance to unmask them. And the other way around is also true. Besides that teaches modesty to future cultivators and earn the domestics’ respect.
He recognizes his friend’s intelligent and kind touch there and there.
The training regimen is hard, but often broke by fun activities like kite shooting, that still refines one’s skills.
Of course, Jiang Fengmian’s main job is politics, the supervision of sword training, teaching of secrets sword skills that made the Jiang sect, choosing which nighthunt they will answer to, who to assign to it, and recruiting new disciples.
Wei Changze, as his right-hand man, will probably handle the martial art supervision, make sure the very few rules of the sect are respected, and train the youngest disciples, evaluating them and giving the leader a report on their progress and potential.
In the absence of Yu Ziyuan, they also have to do her work : manage the expenses of the sect, food stockage and equipment, and finally helps the core development session.
Which makes Wei Changze realizes:
“Isn’t Jiang Yanli old enough to start her cultivation training?”
Jiang Fengmian stops, a little hesitant.
“She is...but she has encountered...troubles. So i agreed to let her wait until her brother is old enough to do it with her.”
Wei Changze frowns, and allows himself to remark:
“It’s an important time for her, for her core formation, starting late might hinder…”
“I know. But she is the youngest disciple, and so the weakest of all. And the only girl. It’s hard for her gather enough confidence, and you know how dangerous an unconfident mind can be, during the core formation early stages.”
Wei Changze hums ; in disagreement. It is as dangerous as an overly confident student. Despite the years they were apart, Jiang Fengmian is still able to recognize the sound, and the untold unacceptance in his friend’s tone. It’s strange, how sometimes they can act as before, as if no separation ever happened.
“She is my eldest daughter, it is less important for her to be cultivator. You see how she is, kind and soft, like me. I don’t want to force her down this path if this isn’t her calling.”
“But it is important she knows how to defend herself, because she is the Sect leader’s daughter. If i find a way to pick her interest for cultivation, will you allow me to resume it?”
Jiang Fengmian smiles, both hopeful and sad. Despite the years they spent apart, Wei Changze can read it just as well ; it means that he wants him to succeed but doesn’t think he will be able to. It is challenge then. Wei Changze gladly accepts it.
Before they both part, Jiang Fengmian stops him, and he asks, looking at the ground:
“I would like an advice from you.”
Wei Changze nods and waits for his friend to find back his words. For a long moment the man looks a point right above Wei Changze’s shoulder, and not his eyes, thinking. Then his eyes are back on him, as he finally decides to talk:
“You and Cangse Sanren are really different.” He pauses, and Wei Changze understands quickly that it is not a reproach about his couple, that this is simply a point he has to make for his real question : “How did you...How do you..”
Jiang Fengmian’s cheeks are red ; and looks really embarrassed. It’s tempting to let him drown in this, because it’s funny to see him all flushed and unsure. But Wei Changze has a lot of work to do, and he owes a lot to his kind friend, so he helps instead:
“Madam Yu and You are also very different.” He guesses.
“Yes. How do you make up for that?”
As much as Wei Changze likes his friend’s trust, he is a bit taken aback by it right now. It’s not like he is the wisest man on earth ; he has no the answers in all the question. Why do you love this one, and not this one? He doesn’t know! Why is this one flaw annoys you with someone, and makes you love someone else? He doesn’t know either!
But he has to try, at the very least, for Jiang Fengmian, so he takes the time to think, a long time, before he says:
“I think that’s because i like our differences. She is everything i wish i could be, sometimes.”
Jiang Fengmian blinks, and his face show a little concern. You want to be like that? His thoughts are obvious. Which is both correct and incorrect.
“What i mean is that i admire the way she is free, and loud. How she is not afraid to bring back all attention on her and says what she wants to say, not caring about the punishment she might get for it.”
And the past him, his teenager self longed for that. She was the promise of sweeping away years to repeat himself “don’t be noticed” “don’t bring trouble” “be docile and everything will be okay”. Of course now it’s different ; he still admires this part of her, but that didn’t mean he became like her. They balanced each other, she turned up a bit more cautious, and he can let go and have fun without feeling like it’s the end of the world.
Wei Changze tries to explain this to his friend, to the best of his ability, and he sees something in Jiang Fengmian’s eyes lights up, akin to realization.
“So the secret lies in respect and admiration.”
That’s a way to say it, Wei Changze isn’t sure it’s the only secret, but it’s sure the only one he got, and how Jiang Fengmian vocalized it, so it must be relevant to them.
“Do you feels this way toward your and Madam’s differences?”
Jiang Fengmian hums.
“I do not wish to become like her. But i do admire her boldness and ability to tackle trouble head on, and sometimes i do wish there was someone in the room that could do that for me in my stead.”
“Lucky you, then, as you have.”
Jiang Fengmian caresses his chin, thinking:
“Perhaps i do. But i also think, sometimes, that i’m relieved there is no such person by my side because it would make politics matters more complicated.”
Wie Changze shrugs:
“I also wish sometimes that my wife did not bring so much attention to herself. She seems to catch the eyes of the most annoying people ; like Wen Ruohan.”
“Unfortunately, she does.” Laughs Jiang Fengmian.
“I can just hope she will annoys him to death.”
“Maybe my lady will humiliate him before she does.”
“She does like to do that, that lady of yours.”
They both smile at each other, happy to discuss their common troubles as friends once again. Complains just changed : before it was about their classmates, or teachers, now it’s about their wives and kids. Time changes some things, yet everything stay the same.
Wei Changze spends the rest of the day trying to learn the name of every disciples, and discover what are their strength and weakness, making sure to write down who is more inclined to laziness, who is overzealous, and who is just not so into it. He also asks for their background to determine which are in dire family situations that might require more attention than others. Of course Jiang Fengmian has already done just that, and he is happy to see that absolutely no one under his care are abandoned : people with sick parents can get paid with medicaments coming directly from the Sect’s stock, for example.
Wei Changze is proud of his best friend. He understands why the whole place is so lively, and there are laughters all around the streets of Yunmeng.
“Do you like it here?” He asks A-Ying, as he puts him to bed, the very first night.
A-Ying curls around his mother’s robe, which the kitten claims as his own bed. He is afraid Cangse Sanren might never get it back. The boy gives the question a thought, and asks:
“Will mommy come back?”
“Of course she will. It’s our home now.”
“What’s a home?”
A difficult question. Kids his age tends to do that often, he learned, and Wei Ying is particularly curious. He used to pick anything on the road and asks “What’s inside?” or to demands “Why?” at every decision they make, only mere months ago. If they were still traveling around, Wei Changze would have answered “Home it’s where the people you love are.” which is true, but there’s a new side he must adds, now, that the roof above their head will not change anymore. Wei Changze settles for this:
“It is a place you want to return to.”
And he looks around the rooms he was given, and think that, if they are here to stay, he might as well start to decorate it.
“What about, tomorrow…” He proposes to A-Ying. “We all go to town and buy a bunch of stuffs so mommy will be surprised when she comes back?”
A-Ying’s eyes lightens up, and he nods.
“With A-Cheng and A-Li!”
It seems that he has now a son, but also a niece and a nephew, no matter what he does. Not that it bothers Wei Changze very much. He is glad to get to meet his best friend’s children, where he can find back images of the man he once knew, mixed with something new ; some parts of their mother, some entirely their own.
“Okay. Let’s do that.”
He writes back the half-erased words on A-Ying’s skin, kisses him on the forehead, and goes back to his own bed. It is, also, very weird, to have his own bed, and to lie alone in it. Wei Changze is not sure he likes it. He makes his rehabilitation exercises for his arm, to keep his mind occupied, but still falls asleep, missing his wife, and praying for her to be safe on the road.
Wei Changze does get to the city with the three kids ; the sect needs more equipment anyways, so it’s the occasion to take care of everything in one go. Wei Changze, though, make sure to separate what’s left of his saving, from the Sect’s funds, as be buys what he needs to decorate his new living quarter, toys for A-Ying, and lanterns for his wife.
A-Cheng and A-Ying manage to do a mud battle with the town’s local kids, while he is busy trying to make A-Li says if she want the cooking ustensile she is currently looking at.
He can’t go back to the sect with muddy children, he decides, and when A-Cheng proposes they all go to swim, he agrees. A-Ying knows how to swim already, it’s the first thing Wei Changze taught him. Growing near a river had made him paranoid.
As he watches the boys laughs and splashes each other, while A-Li calmly goes from lotus pod to lotus pod, he feels at ease. It is not the beautiful river they stumbled on the way in the middle of the forest, there is no gigantic white rocks they can jump from atop, but it is still very lovely. He is brought back to earth by A-Li’s horrified scream.
A-Cheng is shaking A-Ying, who is currently floating, face down to the water, like a dead body. Wei Changze’s heart shatters and he jumps into the water immediately, before words even form in his brain. But as soon as he reaches his son, Wei Ying moves and spits water at A-Cheng.
“Got you!” He laughs.
A-Cheng is offended. Wei Changze is furious :
“Wei Ying! This is not funny!”
He rarely uses his son’s full name, and it makes his son’s grin falls immediately.
“No?”
A-Cheng splashes him back, repeating with a frown :
“Not funny at all!”
In front of Wei Ying’s confusion, Wei Changze sighs and gulps back his frustration and fear. He reminds himself that his son is tiny, and young and doesn’t know best, to find the strength to take him in his arm, and explain, calmly:
“We love you, A-Ying. If anything were to happen to you, we would be very sad. Your mother and i, we would never be able to forgive ourselves, and smile again. So it’s never funny when you fake it.”
A-Li swims to them, and shyly adds:
“I would be very sad too.”
And immediately, A-Cheng agrees and repeats the same words with the conviction of only children his age have. Wei Ying’s seems to understand the pain he caused and remains guiltily silent.
“I know you didn’t want to make us all sad...” Offers Wie Changze. And immediately the boy nods, eager to correct this misunderstanding:
“I wanted to make you smile!”
“For that, all you have to do, is to remain safe and sound” Says his father, while hugging him.
He lets his son play a while in the water with A-Cheng and A-Li, as he doesn’t want their game to end on such a bad experience, but he doesn’t allow his mind to drift off anymore and keep an eye on them all the time. As they walk back to the sect, an incense stick later, A-Ying’s hand find his father’s.
“I’m sorry Daddy…” The boy whispers.
And Wei Changze is proud of him, so he forces himself to smile even though he is still very scared and furious about his joke.
“As long as you understand, it’s fine.”
Wei Ying nods, and his gaze drift off on the corner of the street, he freezes, and his grasp on his father’s tightens. Wei Changze looks up, but sees nothing. He is not the only one to catch this, and A-Cheng immediately lurges forward:
“Is it a dog?”
Wei Ying nods, and A-Li pats the boy’s back, while Wei Changze presses forward, as to outrun an invisible enemy, the sooner they get back, the quicker he can redraw the talisman marks on his son’s skin and protect him from his own mind. He knows it won’t save him from stray dogs, but it is parent job to protect him, after all. He won’t fail a second time.
In the following days, Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze get used to the rythm of life. They find themselves again ; both changed yet the same, old ways mixing together with new ones. They learned many things apart, how to be husband, sect leader or wanderer and parents, but in the end, they still remain the same they’ve always been.
And they’re happy to see that they still make a good team too.
Wei Changze goes for Jiang Fengmian when he lacks authority on the disciples, and Jiang Fengmian goes to Wei Changze when he needs advices and to make his idea clearer. They come up to new ways to train, and some students even start to kick more often than they should, mimicking their new instructor. Most of them even take pity of the poor nanny, and fathers-without-wives and help handle the kids too.
But, as days go by, it becomes easier and easier for Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze to get their kids under control too. The trick is simple : as soon as they stop being loud that means they are up to no good and a mistake is in process.
In between searches for a potential spy, the two father even make up a plan to join baby-sitting and training together during the days.
Each evening, Wei Changze arranges the room that will become their home. He makes sure Wei Ying has a room and toys he can call his own -it is harder and harder to convince A-Cheng and A-Li to not sleep there. They make some place for the cat in the main area and living place...And Wei Changze hangs a new lantern to the ceiling each passing day for his wife. He hopes she will like it when she comes back. He hopes that she is safe and misses her.
Then A-Ying calls him, and he gets up, to see what is it, only for his son to state very proudly:
“I like red!”
Like it is some sort of big secret he had to share, in order to sleep peacefully. Wei Changze wonders if his wife was like that, when she was a kid, and if her own parents felt so full of love and worry, as they watched her sleep.
Notes:
Next chapter will be published on Saturday...And will be Yanli's first POV! Hurray for little angel who makes her debuts!
I have a bunch of questions though, for you dear reader as it is bothering me. It's not urgent, though as it will be happening in a long long time...But my brain doesn't leave me alone with it so I prefer to share it with you, since you're concerned:
I consider adding some ships in the tag. As I totally forgot Qin Su (I'm sorry), and she seemed, in the canon, to really like being a mother, I'm looking for options for her to end up with that are not incest...So far my options are these:
-Adds her to the sacred triad (Xichen/Yao/Mingjue) so she gains a brother, and two husbands (and add a little bit of politics in this because I remind you that two of those are current heir of their sect and has a duty to continue the line xo)
Vote : 0
-Makes her the awesome wife of Nie Huangsai, that the author said she had created but couldn't fit in the story.
Vote : 2
-Ship her with Wen Ning as he has no one, she has no one and they're both cutie pie that deserve all the happiness in the world. Vote : 7Which case do you prefer ? There is no other option ; I will not make her go with an OC girl, as I try to avoid OCs in this work, and I will not put her with Mianmian as the smart girl managed to find her own unamed husband, family and happiness in all the tragedy that is canon all of her own because she is that great and I'm not taking that from her...
If you however find/like a F/F couple I didn't think of with a canon-woman that is not already engaged in the tag, I would be happy to know and add it...Like I don't know...Sissi/Madam Jin èè ? Just throw it around I promise to give it a thought and consider the option at the very least ^^
Chapter 16: To each their own path
Notes:
I'm so moved by all your wonderful comments last chapter, it was so great to have your answers of my question!
Wen Ning is clearly winning with 7 votes (if I counted right, and there's a risk there because I really suck at math)
Nie Huaisang is second but with only 2 votes...!Thank you so much for always be willing to give me your opinion like that <3 What really moved me the most is that almost everyone concluded by "you do what you want" and that's so kind of you all. So once again thank you for being such amazing readers!
Oh and I might add a new ship to the tag, if the opportunity arise : Baoshan Sanren/Lan Yi. Because I'm currently re-watching the drama and I forgot that I shipped it the moment I saw their fight.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jiang Yanli, or A-Li, is currently very happy ; of course she misses her mother, but she prefers to be happy for her. After all, she went to a boat trip with her new friend! It’s not truly a goodbye since she will come back! She heard her father say that Cangse Sanren might even become her mother’s sworn sister, so they must really be close. That seems fair, her mother gets a new sworn sister, just like father got his best friend as sworn brother ; and she is the luckiest of all because she gets in one go, one aunt, an uncle and a little brother that is super, super cute!
“A-Xian!”
The boy turns his head, finally used to his new name, as soon as he hears her and gives him a smile so bright it gives A-Li the urge to squish his cheeks. She had a little bit of trouble too, when father said that he had a new name, and that she had to call him that way, but now, she came up with quite a few nicknames.
“What’s my little XianXian is up to?” She giggles, putting her hands on her hips, parodying her mother.
“I’m making us a house!” He states proudly, lifting his bamboo stick like a sword.
On the ground he had drawn different square shapes that, she assumes, are rooms. She recognizes a fuuton, where the boy left straw dolls (and the kitten, which is puring) under a piece of clothes as if they are children sleeping.
She is so glad A-Xian doesn’t mind to play family, A-Cheng never wants to play dolls with her! And he is so good at it!
“I’m going to make the children dinner!” She proposes, eagerly.
She will not be allowed to play in the kitchen and make a real one at this hour, but luckily she can make mud cakes. After all, her mother is not here to tell her to not get her robe dirty. The lady Father hired from the town is not as strict, and as long as they play where she can see them she truly doesn’t care what they do.
“I call A-cheng?” A-Xian asks, as he puts the “children” to the table he drew on the ground.
A-cheng is currently playing with his dogs now -teaching them to not get close to Wei Wuxian, like he promised. So far, so good, she hasn’t seen a single one and there had been no second incident. So she shakes her head. Anyway, A-Cheng doesn’t like mud cakes since he tried to eat one for real when he was very little. A-Xian seems a bit disappointed but he immediately sits among the dolls, and plays along:
“XianXian is hungry! What’s for dinner? Lotus soup?”
She gets to play house for a while; laughing as Wei Wuxian oscillates between being the “uncle” of her children or one of her children. The fun ends though, when Wei Changze comes back inside the sect with a bunch of disciples. Immediately Wei Wuxian drops everything and runs to his father, they hug, and uncle whispers something to his son’s ears. A-Xian’s eyes lights up and he presses both of his hands on his mouth to hide a devilish smile, then without further warning he hugs his father’s leg and refuses to let go.
“I’m a monster and i’m eating your legs!” A-Xian roars.
“Oh nooo, not my leg, i like it, it’s my favorite. Take my arm, instead.” Wei Changze plays along, shaking his legs, trying it to get it off, in vain. The game wake up the kitten, who, they discovered over the late few day, is much of a climber too, and decides to mimic his master, getting on uncle’s leg too. It must hurt, with his claws!! But uncle barely winces and simply put the kitten back on the ground.
A-Xian turns to A-Li, stars in his eyes, as if he expects her to play to, and so she does. It’s like the boy turns everything into a game, and she likes it so much, she can’t say no. So she fakes a scream:
“Oh no! A monster is attacking uncle! What do we do! Help!”
She is not surprised when A-Cheng surges from where Wei Changze came from, and runs to them. He must have gotten bored with his dogs and was waiting for his sister and Wei Wuxian to finish playing house, so he could snatch the boy away right after it. The surprise though, is that instead of playing the cultivator and saving uncle, A-cheng jumps on the other legs and states:
“Roar! I’m a monster too!”
She panicks. What does she do then? If no one is helping uncle, he is going to get devoured! And surely, there must be someone who can help still! She turns to the disciples that trained with uncle this morning, but they are exhausted and busy drinking water. They only look at the scene with an amused smile, curious to see what will happen.
“Oh no, they’re eating me! Argh.” Wei Changze laments, in a strange monotone voice, as Wei Wuxian chunks his knee. A-Cheng tries to do the same but he frowns and stick out his tongue as soon as he takes a bite:
“You’re not yummy!” He accuses Wei Changze, as if he was betrayed.
Ignoring him completely, uncle turns to A-Li and pleads:
“Young mistress, please, save me from this fate.”
She blinks and her heart races faster. Her? But she can’t! She’s really weak! Mother is always disappointed in her when she trains with the other. She is the youngest of the disciple and can’t hit anyone yet, let alone hold a sword. She always fails at the exercices! And some disciples said to her that since she is a girl, she has too much Yin energy and has no chance to become a strong cultivator, even if she tries hard!
“I’m not a cultivator...I don’t know how to fight...Father told me, i could wait until A-Cheng is old enough to train with me,” she explains to Wei Changze, hoping he would understand why she can’t play the savior in this game.
But Wei Changze puts a hand to his chest, as if he is in pain, he says:
“Ah this is too late…They bite me...i’m turning into a corpse too…”
She thought they were monsters! No fierce corpses! Oh no! She looks around and spots her father, not so far away. He is about to lead another group of disciples into the forest to shoot kites, she recognizes the equipment. She rushes to him:
“Father, uncle needs your help, he is turning into a fierce corpse! Please save him!”
Father seems surprised, and he looks at his sworn brother, one eyebrow lifting:
“Is that so?”
His eyes falls on A-Cheng and A-Xian munches at Wei Changze’s legs, both boys very proud of themselves, and then Wei Changze, puzzled. Uncle smirks and rises one of his arms:
“It is too late, i’m but a corpse now...Cultivator puts me out of my misery.”
One of the disciples with Fengmian finally steps up, amused by the whole show and eager to play along. He is only a couple of years older than A-Li, and the one who explained to her to her that as a girl, she can only goes so far.
“I will!” He screams. And without warning he dashes to the man and jumps to lend a flying kick. He’s so fast A-Li doesn’t even have the time to hide her eyes with her hands. And it’s a good thing because she would have missed this.
Uncle didn’t even flinch at the threat, he didn’t try to avoid the kick at all. Instead his arm snicks past the leg of the disciple and with a simple movement of the wrist he breaks the opponent’s balance. The flying kick turns into a somersault without the owner’s accord and he lends on his back on the ground, all air expulsed for his lungs.
Everyone stares in complete disbelief and silence.
Then suddenly A-Cheng jolts up:
“Awesome! I wanna do that too!”
Which makes A-Xian singsongs with pride:
“My daddy is the best! Right after my mommy!”
“No ; my father is the best! He is the Sect Leader!” Argues A-Cheng.
They both starts to bicker about it.
The disciple rolls on the ground, still coughing his lungs out of his chest, and his comrades start to snicker. Jiang Fengmian helps him to his feets, and explains him what he did wrong with his move. “You can’t do jump kick with your current speed or you leave too many opening to your enemy. Once you know how to strengthens your body with spiritual energy, you might try again...”
While Wei Changze continues doing the fierce corpse as if nothing happened.
He walks to A-Li with determination, she runs away, but he follows.
“Noo! Don’t eat me!”
“If i’m not eating you, then i’m eating your friend and brother!”
Uncle suddenly switches course and goes to A-Xian, who squeals:
“A-Li save me!”
A-Cheng is as lost as A-Li and asks:
“But we’re not monster anymore?”
He gets snatched away by Wei Changze before he gets his answer and yelps too. Wei Changze doesn’t bite the boy, but he starts to tickle him on the ground. A-Li feels relieved to be safe now, and even finds the game fun again. But A-cheng laughs turns more desperate every second and it is not long before he is crying as much as he laughs. He calls his sister for help for real this time. He is suffering!
And it awakens something deep, and strong inside A-Li that makes her rushes to Wei Changze before she even realizes it. At full force she pushes Wei Changze away from her brother.
And to her utter surprise, the man falls on the ground:
“Oh no, i’m defeated. The young mistress put me to rest.”
A-Li blinks again, looking at her hands in disbelief. She hadn’t pushed that strongly! A-Cheng rushes to hide behind her back while scowling at Wei Changze, lying on the ground. As if she could actually protect him for real. She can’t believe her eyes. And she can’t believe her ears neither when Wei Changze concludes :
“And no i’m turning back human again.”
“Is that possible?”
She thought people eaten by fierce corpses were as good as dead ; it is scary to think that one mistake could be fatal. It is not uncle who answers, though, but father, with a loud and clear voice, he explains :
“Each time fierce corpses are wounded they release a powder that cause people to catche corpse fever, but if you get treatment on time, you can be saved.”
He looks at his daughter, and smiles:
“Do you want to learn how to cure it?”
She hesitates. She is smart enough to get that it is a way for her to get back to training, and if she goes back to training it means less time to play with A-Cheng and A-Xian. But on the other hand, it was fun. And she wants to know…She eyes at uncle, wondering if he will be the one in charge of the session, and if he will turn it into a game rather than a chore...And Uncle winks:
“Here’s a clue ; to cure fever corpse, you have to go to the kitchen…”
“A dish?”
A-Li’s heart beats faster. Would she be allowed to? Would that mean that she can learn to cultivate and cook?
“Can you teach me?”
It is how Wei Changze managed to drag A-Li back into cultivation training.
Of course the children miss completely the nod the Sect leader and right-hand man share as they go.
The following days are full of surprises for A-Li. First, her father arrives with three new students around her age -kids she saw mud playing in the town- and they join the group too. Second, the training regimens is totally new.
She has cooking lessons with her father now ; there’s many meal that can improve one’s health in general, help develop a core, or recover from a wound, and there’s even potion and chewing herbs that could be used to prevent infection during night hunt! She can’t help but marvel at all the new dishes she has to master. It is even more exciting because father promises she can now go to the kitchen to train every time she wants as long as there’s an adult present ; in case of fire.
She is so happy she hugs her father right here and now.
And it’s not only her who gets these kind of lesson, everyone is invited, even boys! It’s so funny to see the disciple who mocked her because she couldn’t use a sword struggling with a kitchen knife, unable to cut the vegetable right! She helps them a bit until they manage to do it as instructed.
Because if you’re nice to people, they can be nice back too. Maybe next time they will help her during martial moves? She hopes they will.
There’s also another new improvement : apparently, A-Xian and A-Cheng are feeling lonely without her. (And curious because new kids, so new friends!) so they try to sneak in during training and no one chases them. They spend the whole session about martial art and swords play with them.
And since they can barely hold a sword, for once, A-Li isn’t the only one defeated. Disciples are kind and very patient with the little boys too, as if it is okay to mess up at their age. Which change the way it feels to be be here. She likes it very much and hug her little brothers as a thanks, even if they don’t get why and A-Cheng struggle to get out of her embrace because it’s embarrassing.
The two boys leave out on their own to play again when during the meditation training. They started well and probably tried (as much as four to five years old can) but the two boys could barely stick into one pose for a full incense stick. A-Xian started to meditate on his head instead. A-Cheng also put a insect on another disciple’s head, and the boy screamed like it was the end of the world ; which is not nice, but disciples did that to her so many time she has a lot of trouble feeling totally sorry for them. They got chased away kindly but firmly by uncle and father.
The doctor who healed A-Xian and uncle is now part of the training regimens for some sessions too. He makes sure the two injured change bandages and do their rehabilitation exercises, while uncle supervise. When she is present, he also continues to teach A-Li some tricks and first aid gestures to save a life.
A-Li had always thought that a cultivator only killed monsters, in order to protect people, it never occured her that a cultivator might have to help someone on the battlefield, and not with a sword but with a simple dish and some bandages. She heard about protecting talisman and wards too!
Somewhere along the way she understands that she could do even more once she develops a core and will be able to use spiritual energy. It is almost tempting.
One morning, as A-Cheng goes to train his puppies, leaving them alone, A-Xian asks his father:
“Can i train my kitty too?”
A-Li can’t help herself, imagining an army of trained kittens and puppies, and she says:
“Can i help too? I helped with A-Cheng’s puppies!”
Uncle gives it a thought, and leaves to talk about something to A-Li’s father. When he comes back, he nods:
“You can train your pets.”
A-Li realizes that he means this in general, and not just to A-Xian and A-Cheng, when the very next day they get help from another disciple. During the mid-day meal, A-Xian and A-Cheng get their first argument over which is better between dogs and cats, and somehow it turns the whole training into some kind of race and rivalry.
“A-Li can’t help!”
They decide together. Because that is apparently cheating if she does. She is a little bit sad and it must be apparent because they both adds immediately:
“She’s the judge! She decides who wins!”
Which means she can continue to come and pet both cats and dogs. What a marvellous idea, she really has the cutest little brothers ever! She kisses them both on the forehead to thank them -making A-Cheng runs away and A-Xian giggles.
After a full week at this rate, though, uncle realizes that A-Li is not very good at cultivation. Like her mother did. She can feel it ; it’s okay, she can help with dishes and medicine, now, so she minds less, but it’s still a little bit hard to see him frown while she swings the sword, or fails at a martial move, and when she doesn’t manage to gather any spiritual energy during meditation.
As she leaves the field to go back to play with A-Cheng and A-Xian for the rest of the day, uncle and father wait for her, and ask her to talk.
A-Li can’t help but worry, did she make a mistake? Was she really that bad? Usually, adults talk only when they really screw up or straight up disobey them. But neither father nor uncle seem angry, so she relaxes a bit.
“A-Li,” starts Father with a smile. “I’m happy you’re doing so well during training.”
She blushes, surprised by the compliment. But she doesn’t understand because she is old enough to know she isn’t doing well. Uncle, though, continues:
“You’re doing a great job, young mistress. But i can’t help but see how you struggle with core building.”
Ah. She looks down and wonders what she can says ; sorry? Surely. She doesn’t know what she can add though, because she is already trying her best. She hopes he won’t cut her cooking and medical lessons or her three hours play time with her brothers so she can focus more on her core.
“Can you feel the spiritual energy in your body?” Asks Jiang Fengmian.
A-Li nods. She thinks she does, she at least feels something during meditation. But she is not sure it is what they want as she doesn’t manage to make it does what is asked. She tries to explain it to them.
“That’s a good news then, i want to try something.”
Uncle takes some ink and brushes some spells on her arm’s skin. She recognizes it, it’s the same as A-Xian’s!
“I’m not sure, but it might help you. You see the words makes the work for you, it leads the energy to one place or another.”
“Like talisman?”
She knows the basics of Talisman making, how the ink absorbs the spiritual energy inside the paper, and the writing marks the intents of the spell. It is very complicated though, because you have to be careful with your words, so things could not be misunderstood. Humans misunderstands each other often, like her mother and father, or adult and children, it must be even harder for objects to gets human’s logics, she supposes.
“A bit.” Answers Wei Changze.
She can’t read all that well yet, but she is curious about this method. She can’t wait for her mother and future aunt to come back, so she can ask them how it works. It gives her hope ; even though she doesn't’ manage to do it, with that, maybe…
“It will only show you how, until you get it.” Warns Father, though. “Like when you helped A-Cheng learning how to walk, do you remember?”
She nods. Her baby brother had been the cutest ; clutching to her robe. She had loved making one step with him, and seeing how he followed, clumsily. But at one point he understood, and stopped using her to steady his pace. before long he was running more than walking all around the place.
Will she be like that?
She looks at the scripture on her arms, and feels something, puzzled by how easy it goes to the tips of her fingers, following the ink.
She can’t help but hope.
And suddenly, she wishes her mother to come back both faster, yet a little bit later, so that she can master this and show her her progress. Maybe she will looks at her as proud as father is doing right now.
She really wants that. No . She longs for that.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter ; I have a clear vision of what I want for Yanli as a cultivator, and I hope you'll like it (even though it's not going to be happening right away)
Next chapter is Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren's return =)
Good new, I have several chapters in advance, and I'm unstuck ; and almost at the end of the Cloud Recesses arc. I think I just have to write two and three more chapters and it's done. Oh now that I think about it, I've never clearly written down how old are the children in my mind (since I'm really and at math) So I'm currently picturing :
Mo Xanyu (and a couple of others) : not yet born
Qin Su : Around 1 to 2 years old.
Nie Huaisang, Wen Ning : Around 3 to 4 years old.
Wei Ying, Jiang Cheng, Mianmian and Lan Zhan : Around 4 to 5 years old.
Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, Jin Zixuan and Meng Yao : Around 6 to 7 years old.
Xue Yang, Lan Huan : Around 8 years old.
Nie Mingjue : Around 13 years old.Xiao Zichen and Song Lan : don't ask me, age is but a number. (It's not me who said it, it's the original author MTXT)
Parents : All around 30 years old.If any of your know something I don't, and feels the need to correct me about the age, please do tell me! ^^
Chapter 17: There may be something there that wasn't there before
Notes:
Thank you so much for your comments, kudos and support ^^
I want to apologize to every NHS fans out there as I butchered his name. *hides behind her hands* I edited it, but it might happen in the future as I always had trouble with names (even in French) I often mix syllabes together by accident. If you see such a mistake, (or misuse the way Chinese people address one another) don't hesitate to tell me, I will correct it as fast as I can ! (But please give me the correct way to write it, so I can copy-paste it, because it takes me several minutes to see where I get wrong without it) Hopefully after some chapter I end up writing name correctly, but gosh you should have seen the first chapters draft Poor Wei Changze ended up named Wei Wanchze more than once, and Cangse Sanren was Changze Saren. U-u° I will try to be more careful in the notes, and google their name before mentioning them.
...by the way does anyone here know what Quingheng-Jun means, I now know it's a title, and not Lan babies's father's name...So I'm curious about it ^^
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yu Ziyuan and Cangsen Sanren are surprised when they come back, after two weeks. Nothing has changed, physically, but the whole place seems different, feels different.
Maybe it’s because Yu Ziyuan wants to feel different. She has to change, and the closer she gets to Lotus Pier, the closer the deadline.
Or maybe it’s because It’s the first days of summer after a too long spring. It’s warmer.
Apparently someone has seen their boat on the river, and the whole sect is waiting for them at the Pier. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t know what to think about all that, when Cangse Sanren pulls on her sleeve.
“Help me stand up, i want to surprise them!” She smirks devilishly.
She can now stand still for a full minute -before collapsing on the ground, panting like after an hour fight. And she intends to make use of that new skill apparently. Yu Ziyuan complies and doesn’t regret it. Because the moment they get out of the boat, Wei Ying -no, Wei Wuxian- sees his mother standing out and jumps on her. Which make them both go overboard and ends up in the water while Yu Ziyuan descends gracefully.
She likes the contrast.
“Welcome back, my lady” offers Jiang Fengmian with a calm smile, as his right hand man dives into the water to get back his wife and son.
The whole place is in chaos thanks to Cangse Sanren, but she barely hears anything, all her attention focused on him, and she is delighted that he simply smile at the mess of the Wei family, before coming back to her. She doesn’t know what to answer him, right now, the discussion she had with Cangse Sanren circling in her head. Be nice. He is being nice, so be nice too! Her mind screams, but she doesn’t open her mouth ; finding nothing to say. Jiang Fengmian, though clear the way to A-Cheng and A-Li.
“Mother!”
They stand still, their faces red, almost buzzing in place. It takes her a moment to understand what they want ; hug her like A-Xian did with his own mother. As the Sect leader’s wife she can’t ridicule herself like the other woman. But she supposes she can indulges them this. So she orders:
“What are you doing standing still? Come and get your mother a hug!”
Her tone is a bit thunderous, but her kids don’t seem to mind as they rush and hug her legs. It is easier with them, somehow. She pats their heads, and, while no one is looking, takes out of her sleeve two wrapped packages. She did promise to get them a souvenir, after all.
Their faces lighten up, but she hushes them before they can make a sound, stands and turns to her husband:
“I’m tired from all this travel. Let’s go back to the sect.”
She makes a few steps, remembers the plan, and points out Cangse Sanren in front of everyone, half of the town and all their disciples:
“I’ve decided to make this my sworn sister.”
“This” falls back into the water at the words, and Jiang Fengmian bows, gratefully to his wife, a simple, hidden smile on his face.
“I’m sure the ceremony will be lovely.”
There’s a very loud silent that follows.
“Does that mean she’s our aunt, now?” Asks A-Li.
Yu Ziyuan can’t help it, because she can’t forget the way Cangse Sanren spoke to her during their journey, and how it both helped and hurt, so she smirks:
“Yes. Go great your aunt with a hug.”
Cangse Sanren falls a third time into the river, thanks to two tackling children. At this point she totally gives up the idea of returning to the ground level, and simply wraps her arms around her husband’s neck to not drown, screaming to the kids:
“Splashing battle!”
One disciple she doesn’t know joins at Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng’s side, while two other side with Jiang Yanli and the Wei couple. It is not long before half of the sect is dragged into it while the whole town is watching their so-called protectors acting like kids.
Months ago she would have used Zidian to knock them all out and drag their bodies back to the sect to train and reflect about their reputation. Now the whole place fills with laughters again, and Yu Ziyuan thinks that the way it echoes around Lotus Pier sounds about right. It covers the mean whispers about her husband’s loyalty. It turns the anger into something akin to a giggle too.
She wonders why, for a minute, but the answer is evident and loudly laughing right now in the river.
“If my kids catch a cold, i’m drowning you.” She says to the culprit, as she goes back to the sect. Cangse Sanren sticks out her tongue at her but promises anyways.
There is a lot to talk about, during their shared meals this evening. The kids are eager to tell their mother everything that had happened ; starting from who won the splashing battle, to their rivalry in pet training (Cangse Sanren is overly enthusiastic about the kitty being a messenger, even though the said kitty had managed to sleep on the roll it was supposed to deliver. So far A-Cheng is clearly the winner here, his dogs can obey to simple but useful order better. She almost forgive them for not listen to her order and not play with the cat). Yu Ziyuan is a bit sceptical over the change her husband made to the training regimens, and she is about to complain when she stops herself.
“We will see how it goes and adjust it if needed.”
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t hide his surprise and she wants to snap at him ; so what? Is she so scary, does he fear her this much? She supposes she had only herself to blame for that. To get her mind off she asks Jiang Yanli about her progress, and she is delighted when her daughter takes her hand and gives her a small, shy push of spiritual energy. Kids her age, who are not even close to have a golden core, can’t usually do that.
She is overly proud and her daughter beams.
“We used Cangse Sanren’s work, to help her figure out how to manipulate energy. It is so efficient i consider the idea of using it as a secret technique for the Jiang Sect and over each new disciple.” Explains Jiang Fengmian.
Of course. It is. Yu Ziyuan’s heart stings, she wishes her child could be amazing on their own, not thanks to someone’s else help. But she is aware of how brillant her future-sworn-sister is. So she is just glad that Jiang Yanli is finally out of the slump she was stuck in. Yu Ziyuan tries to be only that : happy and proud. Not angry and jealous. It’s hard.
On the other side of the room; Cangse Sanren smiles wildly.
“I’m sure A-Li worked hard for this to work too! Look, A-Ying has this on his skin for longer and he can’t do that!’
“Do what? Can do!” Defends A-Ying vehemently. But then he seems to vaguely gets what they’re talking about and adds: “A-Li is the best!”
‘She is and she did,” agrees Jiang Fengmian.
Jiang Yanli is red from head to toe, and she barely conceal her smile behind her sleeve while Wei Wuxian hugs her and her little brother pats her head.
“But i’m glad my sleep-deprived invention can be used : take it!” Proposes Cangse Sanren.
“If that’s all you need to invent amazing things for the sect,” scoffs Yu Ziyuan, “I’m counting on your husband.”
And to Jiang couple surprise, for the first time, they see the Wei couple blush from head to toe, almost ashamed by the lewd comment. Wei Changze even dare put his hands on his son’s ears. A-Ying perks up, frowning and asking why and what he can’t hear, making his parents blush even more. It is...surprisingly refreshing and fun, Jiang Fengmian decides. So there are things that make them feel embarrassed. He will learn more about it ; and will count on his wife to do the comment because there’s no way he will say such thing to their faces without blushing as much as them.
Despite their best efforts, children start to doze off in the middle of their meal (Which was apparently made by Yanli and another disciple). Jinzhu and Yinzhu take them to their beds, and finally, they can talk about what they discovered during their trip to Qishan.
Jiang Fengmian closes his mouth, tense, yet relieved that it means there is no spy among their ranks.
Both men listen carefully as Cangsen Sanren describes Wen Ruohan’s strange behavior ; equally intrigued.
“One of our disciple’s family is living in the area.” Informs Wei Changze.
“I will make sure to ask him news about his family regularly, then so we can have some insights about the region. And we will keep an eye on the night hunts around the area.” Jiang Fengmian approves, thinking aloud.
“And you think that what happened during the night hunt was due to some strange enhancing artefact?” Inquires Wei Changze.
“I think it’s possible…”
“Wen Ruhoan seems convinced it is” Adds Yu Ziyuan, serious. She is still pissed at the lord’s behavior toward them. “He is doing something with resentful energy at the very least. It can’t be good. You should have seen how children in the place acted!”
Wei Changze frowns and says, stubbornly:
“Energy is energy. Blame their education if they act bad, not energy.”
The more offended by his words is Cangse Sanren.
“Again with that! Fuck no it’s not. Resentful energy changes the mind and the body!”
“And so does spiritual energy” Wei Changze shrugs with a smile, he seems amused by the whole argument. “It enhances your senses and strength just like resentful.”
“It alters the way you think. You should have seen Wen Ruohan, he acted like some petulant child that is sure to be smarter than you. And how the older kid hit the maid just after saying he shouldn’t : it was clear that he was surprised by his own act too!” Insists Cangse Sanren, frowning.
Yu Ziyuan almost says that Wen Ruohan always acted this way, and that sometimes anger surprises you and make you act on a whim you regret the second it happens, with or without influence, but she’s on Cangse Sanren’s side for once. And for the Wen Sect Leader, even if it was bad, it was never this bad, at least in her memory. Jiang Fengmian, on the other hand, seems a little bit lost as his friends are apparently fighting.
It is the first time they do, in front of them, now that she thinks about it.
“So does spiritual power, you said it yourself, Immortals are different, thinks different.” still counted Wei Changze.
“That’s only when they reaches a certain points of cultivation, after years of immortality, resentful energy tries to kill you right away!”
“Spiritual energy can kill you too, many young disciples or masters qi deviates.”
Cangse Sanren sighs, and punches him in the shoulder. “Urgh you’re impossible on this subject. Agree to disagree?”
He kisses her nose and nods.
So...They’re not fighting? Yu Ziyuan can’t follow them sometimes.
“Agree to disagree. I’m just making sure my not-wife keeps her mind open.”
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are less amused, though.
“Don’t say that near our disciples” he orders to his right hand man, and his words are finals.
He doesn’t look worried, he knows where his friend stands regarding that matter, but he cares about politics. He will not end rumors about his marriage only to get new ones about the cultivation path they teach. There’s already ones about him being in love with his sworn brother going now...He likes to focus more on the one that spread right now, and says that the Yunmeng Jiang Sect is benevolent, helping people trapped in inn fire, or accessible, playing in the rivers with locals.
“Of course, it was not my intention.”
Wei Changze isn’t friendly to demonic cultivation, but he hates the tone his wife employs each time she talks about it, like her way to cultivate is superior and right ; the same tone noble people employ when they talk about servants and prostitutes. There's a covered fear lurking underneath too, as if even giving the opportunity to it, it would turn the world they know and love upside down. It is purely provocation on his part and only because he knows she won’t take too much offense and still hear his words. And also because this is not the woman he fell in love with. Cangse Sanren laughs at convention, steps on Sect rules and courtesy, and make a mess of the established order. But Wei Changze supposes he is unfair to ask her to go against even her education, even though he can’t help it. He likes his rebellious side of his wife. That’s partially why he fell so hard for her. That and everything else that made her so smart, funny, and beautiful.
“I will keep an eye on the territory while you’re going to Cloud Recesses.” He says, not quite subtle as he is changing subject.
He misses her already, why must she goes away so soon? For Wei Ying, his mind reminds him, and it makes the pain a little bit easier to stand.
“Let’s get it over with and depart tomorrow right after the sisterhood ceremony. ” Proposes Yu Ziyuan, already tired, she wishes she had more time to spend with her own children, to see their progress. But it seems like their husbands had done a good job while they were away. And…
It’s a good way to show Jiang Fengmian she trusts him. Does she trust him? She isn’t sure, but this travel is a good way to know if she can too.
“About that, isn’t the whole travel thing was about us getting to know each other and decide to take these vows? Maybe we can skip that second travel together. Not that i’m sick of you, but doesn’t the sect misses its madam?”
Cangse Sanren’s words stings, but when Yu Ziyuan glares at her, she sees the expression on her face and notices the way she holds her head slightly to the side, pointing Jiang Fengmian. This one nods:
“Surely, we do miss her. A-Cheng and A-Li too.”
His words sooth the wound. She understands it is not a rejection ; she is offering Yu Ziyuan the opportunity to spend time with her husband, away from her. It might be a rare opportunity, as the Wei couple is here to stay.
“But what about you? How do you plan to go there on your own with a kid? By foot?” She counters.
“Hey! I have my sword, and my ribbon can secure A-Ying with me! We might even goes faster this way!”
“If you don’t land awfully.”
“I get better at landing each time i crash.”
“Please, don’t crash with A-Ying.”
“You’re just jealous because you want me to crash with you, dear not-husband!”
This is settled, then, Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze do manage to convince her to travel with one disciple for protection, and the meeting ends. They both part and get to their own quarters. As Wei Changze goes through the door, holding his wife like a bride, she gasps and blinks at the ceiling. So many lanterns! And the decorations! It’s so pretty!
“I see you worked well while i was away. No moping you kept yourself so busy making miracles ; I didn’t know i married such an artist!”
“We’re not married, just eloped” He smiles.
“How can we not be married when i love you so much? Would you marry me then?”
“Nope.”
“So mean! Why not?”
“Hm. I will have to invite my parents over, and you will have to invite Baoshan Sanren to the ceremony then…”
Cangse Sanren’s eyes narrow.
“I see your points. But now we have sworn brothers and sisters to take their place, we can say ; "oops we forgot about them" ! Besides it’s not like Baoshan Sanren would get down her mountain to come, I have like three memories of my parent and one of an uncle I never found and you're the same you don't remember where your parents live. It’s not our fault they can’t make it!”
He is not convinced by her plan, but what can she says, it’s his speciality, not her!
“I will consider the question then, in the future. Now enjoy the present and your gift.”
Okay. Okay. Second “Agree to disagree” in less than an incense stick. She kisses him even though he annoys her sometimes and marvels at the lanterns. Each one is different! Her husband knows her so well, and she hopes he will like the books she chose for him too. Maybe they can build a small shelf full of books for him. Or maybe a full wall. He deserves it, surely. If they get enough money. Not paying any Inn should help them save some. But for now she is tired, and she lets her husband carry her to the bed, as she tells him about the child she met on the street and sent to the mountain. She tells him how hard it was to not adopt him and give A-Ying a sibling with matching name.
“You did well, the sect can’t afford to adopt orphans right now. We can’t afford right now, not while A-Ying is sick.”
“But when he is cured,” she teases. “I can bring you back as many orphans as i want?”
“Maybe. But you deal with Madam’s anger on your own each time you bring stray then.”
He gives her a peck on the forehead and she sighs dramatically.
“I knew you would say that! Fine : no orphan. But i’m still feeling sad over giving off this one. And my donkey.”
“Glad you value the kid as much as our donkey.”
“Hey! He was part of the family!”
Wei Changze smartly changes subject, if she didn’t knew him that well, she would start to think he worked off with that innkeeper to get rid of the beast and get a cat instead :
“Baoshan Sanren will treat him right. I have no doubt, she raised you, after all.”
He kisses her again, and she feels his grin against her lips.
“Did you miss me this much?”
“Everyday.”
“Awww, Me too. Yu Ziyuan is okay and fun, but-”
She talks, because that’s what she always does when she is stressed and anxious, or excited. All of what she is now, as her not-husband hands descends lower the words escape her lips.
“I can stand,” she warns him suddenly, because she knows he needs to know that. “But not much else, and not long, i don’t know if…”
To that Wei Changze shows her his wounded hands, and her own finds its way on his palm. he has such big hands compared to her, it’s as callous as she remembers it. But when his fingers curls around her, she feels the difference. The grip is weak, barely holding anything in.
His wound was less serious than her ; it should be healed by now. It should be over. But it’s not. And it will stay that way. Her husband will never be able to wield a sword with this arm.
“It’s a little price to pay, for still having you too by my side.” Wei Changze whispers, as if they thoughts were one of the same. And maybe it is the case.
Cangse Sanren realizes once again how close they were from dying, back then, and how lucky they are to be here, alive, even if little bit damaged.But right now she doesn’t feel lucky at all, despite her best efforts.
Wei Changze’s thumbs sweeps a treatorious tear that escaped her eyes without her knowing, and she sobs.
“You like sword fighting…” She hiccups, as pitiful defense. And she loves to see him happy, she loves to see him fight and duel with swords. She dreamed about him teaching A-Ying how to do it, with wood sticks.
And now he will never be able to. Just like she will never be able to run. He uses his legs instead and kicks people. She copes with ribbons and sword flying, but it’s not her own two legs, it will never be.
“I love you.” He answers simply. There’s sadness in his eyes.
It’s selfish ; it’s stupid ; because yes, if she had to choose, of course she would chose her family, the man she loves, her little treasure of son, over her damn legs too. She would do it, over, and over again. But sometimes, oh sometimes, it is so hard to just not just wish she could have both, just like before. She aches to be greedy. She aches to be whole and complete in a way she didn’t even know she was. She wishes there was a way to fix it.
Her husband’s kiss, soothe her pain. It doesn’t heal, but it helps, it’s a statement ; its says they’re in this together, it’s a promise to stay and get through this together.
“Do you still love me,” he asks, “even if i start kicking ghosts instead of slicing them?”
She can’t help but laugh, and boops her nose against his, tears in their eyes. She wants to see that. What a sight it must be, surely, it would make the whole world of cultivation cough in indignation, maybe even send a few Lan into Qi Deviation.
“I think it makes me love you even more.” she answers.
It hurts to know they won’t be what they used to. They grieve what they could do before, but as he kisses her again, for a short instant, she decides she is also eager to discover what they can still be, and what possibilities the future hold for them.
Notes:
This last scene, is the most I can write up with my ship, I'm unfortunately totally unable to write smut in English (and I'm not sure I can do it in French either, I've never published any of my attempt). So I want to make sure you all know : I will definitely imply when a ship bang, but that's about it...I'm sorry for those who went and read my work expecting smut, it's just...I like reading it, I die of embarrassment writing it xo sorry !
Also...
Wei Changze : When will you be over this donkey?
Cangse Sanren : NEVER!...Around 20 years later......
Wei Ying : Mom, look what I found in Mo village!
Cangse Sanren : MY DONKEY!(Well no apparently donkey don't live that long but- for the sake of the joke...)
Next chapter will be up on Wednesday! It will not feature 20 years laters xD And Will be Cangse Sanren's pov once again. Be prepared, there will be lot of her Pov in the future as we enter...Cloud Recesses arc (and so babies Lan!!)
See you all in two days !
Chapter 18: To reach the clouds!
Notes:
--> Sorry I'm in a rush I will add note later.
Later is now !!Thank you as always for your awesome support, you're the best readers I would wish for ! ^^ I edited the end of last chapter according to your answers. I now know that Chinese women don't change names, is is very interesting =D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
They leave after the ceremony -which was longer than it should have been because Cangse Sanre joked and played all through it, teasing her new sworn sister almost to the point that Yu Ziyuan wanted to spit the ceremonial drink to her face instead of swallowing it.
It’s past mid-day before they finally gather in the court, ready to depart.
Children don’t want to part, they cry and they hold to each other’s hands tightly. Fortunately Yu Ziyuan is still a scary woman, and they don’t have to wrestle them until they let go, one bark :“This is not how future sect leader and eldest daughter of a sect leader act!” is enough. Though it provocs quite a few hiccups and some unshed tears.
In the end Jiang Cheng promises he will not train his dogs while A-Ying is away because it would be cheating for their competition, and Jiang Yanli gives them so much hasty made-food Cangse Sanren is not sure she can carry all of that. She puts everything in a pouch, attach A-Ying with her ribbon, and manage to go before midday meal. Which is truly a miracle.
A-Ying looks at his friends tiny figures until they disappear in the horizon with a sad expression that makes Cangse Sanren feels bad and she whispers to his ears:
“Sweetheart...Remember what mommy says when you feels bad?”
“It’s going to be okay?” He tries.
“Of course ; but also : "Remember all the good others have done you, and forget all the good you’ve done others.” She recites.
It is a saying she held close to her heart, as it’s one of the very few memories she kept from her parents. That and gardening with her father, and cooking with her mother. It took her some times to understand what it means, just like A-Ying right now:
“I don’t want to forget them! We're going to become brother and sister uncle said!”
“Oh no, no sweetheart! It doesn’t say to forget other!” She clarifies.
Though, each time she did say to him while Wei Changze was there, the man always added “Forget those who wronged you, they’re not worth the space.” Congratulation husband , she wants to say, you ruined my lesson!
“It means that, to always be happy, you have to focus on what’s good in your life rather than what’s bad.” She explains.
The second part is probably to assure you don’t get a head as big as a mountain, but that lesson will be for later.
“What’s good?” Hiccups A-Ying, though, unconvinced.
“You will get back and play with them before you know it! And who knows, maybe you’ll get tiny Lan friends while we’re at Cloud Recesses!”
A-Ying nods, still depressed, but a little more hopeful she supposes, as he asks:
“Which cloud we’re going?”
She can’t help but laugh ; it’s okay, her son is fortunately not one to take offense. But to think that the bright side he would look forward would be this instead of making friends! Even if he admits that going on a Cloud would have been awesome…
They are two hours into their travel, when something moves under her son’s shirt, though, and the kitten’s head pops out.
She almost drives them into a tree.
“A-Ying! Why did you take your kitten?!”
A-Ying pouts.
“Scary Auntie said A-Cheng and A-Li can’t keep the kitty because i don’t like dogs. It has to be fair!”
Which, okay, is a fairly what happened -more or less- but still. She never actually studied at Cloud Recesses -thanks gods- but she invited herself over there enough time to know a few rules of the place. (Though it was mostly to know which one she was breaking and how fast she had to get out of there).
“Pets aren’t allowed at Cloud Recesses,” she laments.
“Why?! Even donkeys?! And cute kitty?!” Naively protests A-Ying.
Oh, her sweet summer child, Cangse Sanren fears the moment she will have to explain that nothing is allowed at Cloud Recesses. Not even fun. Gods, she is going to have to spend one month there. With her kid. And a kitten apparently. What is she going to do? Surely, it’s not good to go at their home and ask for their help while spitting obviously on their rules. It would not be the first time she did that ; though ; but before she never needed something from them.
“Do-” She turns to the disciple that is supposed to escort them in, which is fairly unnecessary, she can fly now that she has her ribbon. “Do you mind getting the kitten back?”
“I’m supposed to stay with you until your reach your destination, madam…” The disciple protests. And when he tries to take the kitten in his arm the little fury meows angrily and even scratches his hands.
She gives up ; as she doesn’t want the poor lad to be scolded or hurt. She wishes she had some mean to contact Wei Changze too, the man will probably worry over the disparition of the kitten too. If only there was a talisman for long distance communication, or something... She made up something with her ribbon, thanks to Yu Ziyuan’s accidental error, but it was still a work in progress and could only be usable in a limited distance. She puts the idea in the back of her mind, but has no idea where to start to make such thing, so has no real hope of achieving anything. Hadn't she heard something about Sect special communication pets-like array though? She is pretty sure she has. Maybe she could start from that ; if the Yunmeng Jiang Sect has a spell like that she could work on.
She stares as the kitty is actually playing with A-Ying’s ponytail, and reluctantly continue their travel.
Fortunately the kitten is surprisingly well behaved with them -contrary to A-Ying who is overly enthusiastic at everything and apparently loves flying, but not this much to not ask every incense stick “are we there yet?”. Making him eat without falling to his death is a trial.
By the time they reach the first inn, Cangse Sanren still has no clue how to make the kitty’s presence acceptable to the Lan, and is resigned to ask for forgiveness the moment she arrives. Hopefully, the fact she is invited here to heal her son will be an acceptable excuse to make an exception. Otherwise, she thinks, she will have to sleep at Caiyi town.
Which could be a fair deal ; she heard there is a good alcohol there. She wants to take a sip of it if she has the opportunity. Her husband’s only flaw is his absolutely hate for alcohol -she is not sure he would take one sip even if his life was threatened. Cangsen Sanren must have a thing with people who hates drinking, first being adopted by an immortal who does not tolerate such thing, then the Lan sect, then her husband...Wei Changze says she does not have the alcohol tolerance she thinks she has, but heck, he is not here to judge! So yeah! Freedom!
As much freedom as a mother with no working leg and a sick child, and a kitten can afford at the very least. So not so much.
She must be more worried than she thinks she is, though, as the nightmares resumes plaguing her, as she shares the inn bedroom with her son. The same nightmare as usual. Fortunately Wei Ying sleeps without trouble and she wakes up with the kitten nested in her hair and her son’s foot on her cheek.
It takes them another day of travel by sword to get to Cloud Recesses, as heavily charged as they are. Cangse Sanren paid for a messenger to be sent at Lotus Pier ; so they would know about the cat, but she suddenly doubt it’s useful, the disciple will surely be back before the poor man reaches Yunmeng on foot.
Well. What a way to waste money.
What a waste of time, too , she thinks, as she waits in front of the Lan Sect’s stairway.
Apparently you need a pass to get through the wards that protects the place (it’s new! Is it her fault? She hopes it is! She broke in this place so many times in the past!) and she has to ask for one of the guard to announce her arrival, so he can fetch an elder, gets the authorization and all that political stuff. As she waits with A-Ying, the boy looks at the barrier with a frown on his face that she recognizes quite well.
“What’s inside?” He asks, as expected.
“Cloud Recesses,” she answers with a knowing smile.
“That’s not a cloud at all,” he huffs. “Why it’s Cloud Recesses?”
"Because there's a lot of waterfall, which makes lot of clouds. And because we're so high up real cloud are closer!"
"Where does the water fall? And can we touch a cloud if we go there?"
He puts his hands on the barrier and marvels as the thing stops him from advancing. The kitten, hidden in his robe, gives it a careful pat, only to face the same rejection.
“What’s for?” A-Ying insists.
“It’s to stop uninvited person in.”
“But we are, you said they say we have to go there!”
She smiles and tries to explain that the barriers knows who is invited, and who is not thanks to a small token, because it’s not as smart as human, and the boy thinks about it for a long time, it is a bit hard to make him understand that no, he can't befriend the token ; it is not a person even if mommy talks about it like it is.
“No one can enter if they don’t have it? ” He finally wonders.
It’s not totally true, she can probably forces her way in, but it’s a little bit too complicated for a kid this age, so she simplifies and says :
“Yes.”
Besides, her boy deserves to feel safe. It is honestly the good decision, as A-Ying’s smile grows larger. When a Lan finally arrives to make them in, A-Ying’s eyes are unwavering, he looks at the barrier all the time as it is up again, closing behind their back, and she feels the tension in his tiny body disappear.
Why? Does he think the monster can't follow him there thanks to it? But thanks to the scriptures on his skin, he shouldn’t be be bothered by it! Though her son is smart, maybe he gets that even though he can’t see it, the beast is here.
She really hopes the Lan will have a solution for this, as they promised.
“Pretty!”
A-Ying stands in her arms, and almost fall of the sword, as they reach the first waterfall that surround Cloud Recesses. And she gets this feeling quite well. She felt it too, the first time she saw this mountain ; it is a beautiful place. It reminds her of Baoshan Sanren's shelter she grew up with, which brings melancholy tainted with a little bit of uneasiness, as if her teacher could appear around the corner, out of nowhere, and treat her like a kid again. Though her boy doesn't have to wear the weight of her memories and can just enjoy the view:
“It’s not Cloud, but, it’s quite great, don’t you think?”
A-Ying hums, then frowns, as if he just said betrayed someone.
“But home is better, it’s cold here!”
And with that he hides under her outer robes with an exaggerated shivers. Sometimes she forgets that her son is not as strong as she is, with her golden core, and she remembers how high they are, how fresh the air is. Baoshan Sanren used to do that too, forget normal’s people limits.
The Lan guiding them must be not so quite a stuck up as the other, because he discreetly smirks, and lead them to the invited apartment. When she talks to him about the kitten they brought by mistake, he even gives her a compassionate stare.
“From what i gathered,” he whispers, “the boy is here to be cured for Sleep paralysis demon, right? Try to say that the cat’s presence helps him with his nightmare. They should be more lenient.”
With that sweet advice, he leaves. Cangse Sanren decides that all Lan are not all bad. She didn’t even have the time to ask for his name! What a shame! She hopes she will see him again. Unfortunately Lan Qiren appears not quite long after this and he is her least favorite Lan of all, so she has to take back those words.
Maybe she is a bit unfair, but the man almost got Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian killed because he refused to disobey his damn rules during a nighthunt! Such experience would teach anyone a lesson, but instead he clearly didn’t get it:
“Pet are forbidden at Cloud Recesses” is the first thing he says, as he sees A-Ying playing on the ground with his cat.
The pet immediately jumps, its back all round, limbs crossed weirdly in its hurry and he growls back. She grits her teeth, same kitty, same, she thinks. There's something in Lan Qiren that just rubs her the wrong way every time, even when he does nothing bad ; she is wise enough to know it is unfair but she can't help it.
Can she have the Lan’s older brother instead? He was funnier. A little bit romantic and naive, with his head in the clouds, rather than here, but at least he didn’t open his mouth only to recite Lan’s rules. But she supposes it's a bit too prideful of her to expect the Sect Leader to greet her arrival. She's not that important.
Since Lan Qiren is being impolite, she says:
“Nice to see you too, Lan Qiren. How have you been? See, i told you, your beard would grow back! Too bad you were handsomer without it! If you kept is shaved maybe you'd get yourself a wife!”
It’s a very stupid move, and she regrets it the moment the words goes past her lips. Lan Qiren's expression hardens at the word wife ; like it always did, even back then ; but there's something new under it. She can't really pinpoint what, as Lan are the best at hiding their emotions and she has never been close enough with this one to read his features easily...But she can feel she made a mistake ; so she softens up the edges, and gives the excuse the previous Lan proposed, with an apology.
“This is my son, Wei Ying, courtesy name Wuxian. A-Ying, say good morning.”
“But it’s evening?”
Aw her boy is old enough to talk back to her, she is so proud. Lan Qiren is offended rather than amused though, and she tries to show off that she is still in charge, like a mother, and that she is still the master of sass between the two of them.
“Semantics. Say good evening then.”
“Good evening!” He repeats quickly, and then turns to her : “What’s semantics?”
She loves her boy so much. Lan Qiren follows the courtesy guideline and, for a moment, inquires what happened to her legs. She simply answers that the nighthunt left scars to everyone, but that she can handle it just fine. A tiny bit lie ; as she still struggles during nights when she has to go pee and is exhausted and has too little spiritual power left to fly out. She doesn’t know if it’s because one of Lan’s rules, but he doesn’t push the subject and immediately gets to work, looking at the boy, and especially at the scripture on his skin:
“What’s this?”
“My temporary solution to make sure he doesn’t get nightmares.”
He frowns.
“Then it will have to go. He has to get those nightmares.”
Cangse Sanren’s heart stops in her chest, and for an instant, all they went through, the pain the hurt, the desperation, it all hit her anew, it flares something within. Something dark and furious. Something that does not want to laugh and joke anymore and has no more patience. If those bastards summoned her here to give her a moral lesson about parenting and moral, she swears she is burning this place down!
“Excuse me, what? We’ve come here because you said you had a cure, not for my son to suffer from it again!”
A-Ying seems to understand the gist of it, and immediately withdraw behind his mother, holding the kitten close.
“Mommy you said the monster can’t come here!”
Lan Qiren frowns at the boy and to Cangse Sanren’s surprise, he coughs and corrects himself:
“I choose my words poorly, it is my mistake. You are here to be cured, Wei Wuxian. Whatever you see, it cannot hurt you. There's no need to fear. Fear has no place in Cloud Recesses.”
He...Seems to have matured. She is surprised by his patient tone. When did that happen? Oh. She kind of remember now that he always wanted to be a teacher ; maybe having to deal with young disciples helped smooth his edges? Lan Qiren turns to Cangse Sanren, and clarifies:
“The sleep paralysis demon is caused by an unhealthy amount of Yin energy within a kid’s body, where the golden core is supposed to be. That’s why they are the only one who can feel and see it.”
Cangse Sanren interrupts him, though:
“I was able to see it, once.”
Lan Qiren frowns: “Are you sure about that?”
Yes, she is very sure ; thank you very much ; crappy experience, would not recommend it ever again, not even to her worst enemy! But of course, she has to be a little bit more accurate:
“Yes. I ordered it to let A-Ying alone, and it appeared to me when i woke up, a couple of hours later ; basically to tell me a big fucking nope and get lost.”
Lan Qiren is not finding it funny at all, he mumbles, after a brief "Do not swear in front of kids" which might be a rule for all she knows:
“It’s not supposed to do that. Nightmares are merely a way for the children to purge the Yin out as they don’t know how yet. The reason they can’t move during it is because their body comes off with a way that is wrong and very consuming, so it takes all of their strength. But those things they conjure are not conscious ; merely a reflection of their emotions and personalities. Something more akin to soul-splitting. Maybe it’s just your child’s insolence that allowed this to happen.”
Okay, first off : rude. Second, as much as she was proud of A-Ying’s developing personality, she was not okay with insolence for the sake of it! Wei Changze works very hard to make their son conscious of things he could joke about and things he couldn’t. (And she is working on that part of her personality too, courtesy of Yu Ziyuan’s reminder) And so far her husband is doing a good job!
But at the same time ; it’s a convenient explanation, and she is willing to give it the benefice of the doubt if the only consequences there is for them is to be a little bit more firm in the future about their son’s comes back.
Lan Qiren must have realized he was not a perfect Lan or courteous, because he adds a compliment:
“It only happens to children with great potential, and often after a traumatic events or under stressful situations. For a long time, the sect recruited within its ranks all kids that suffered from such disease.”
Cangse Sanren could do without the history lesson, as she is not a student of Cloud Recesses -never was- but she is pleased to her that her son is exceptional (she thinks so too) She even wants to brag ; so her son has a great potential and that’s why he is sick? There’s worse reason to be sick! (She tries to ignore the part about traumatic events and stressful situation). Lan Qiren resumes:
“The Lan Clan came up with a ritual to get kids through it, so they can still purge the energy out of their body, without them suffering from nightmares. But it’s a long process, hence the reason why you were invited for a full month.”
“What’s this ritual?”
“We have a song that must be played all night while the kid sleeps, so it can helps the energy dissipates before it takes form in the child’s mind. The song will force the body to learn the right way, to deal with the Yin energy, and after a month, it should become muscle memory and be over. It should also helps them getting how to form a golden core, later during their training.”
So almost the same kind of effect that her scriptures on her son’s skin do ; just more situational, hence effective, she supposes. Relief pours inside Cangse Sanren’s heart : this is way easier than what she had in mind. And it made sense why Lan clan would need them in their place, for such high time consuming ritual. She is rassured also, as they seem to be used to deal with it, even though they do not call the disease by the same name as Baoshan Sanren.
But A-Ying, whose head had perked up more and more as the grown up discussed about him, suddenly asks:
“And the day?”
And worry picks up her again, as Lan Qiren frowns:
“The day, Wei Wuxian? Are you saying you have nightmare while being awake?”
The boy hesitates, looks at his mother, and then nods.
“But i can move when i see the monster during the day! He never attacks and he stays far away” He affirms.
That should be impossible! Cangse Sanren checks the scriptures on her son’s body every now and then, to make sure that no character was erased by accident. Everything is at it should be!
“A-Ying! Why didn’t you tell me? Or your daddy?”
The boy looks at the ground, and he confesses:
“I didn’t want you to cry again...and return to the room.”
She...She made him think that it was better to lie to her? Her heart shatters in her chest. How? How could A-Ying ever think that it was better to see a monster, than be protected by her? I’m an awful mother, unworthy, unreliable! Of course she is, A-Ying is her son, of course locking him up is nothing but hell for him. She should have known. She should have understood! She should have found another way.
Her expression must be terrible, because A-Ying panicks and takes her hands, assuring:
“But it’s okay Mommy! He can’t come near me thanks to you and Daddy! He didn’t follow here because of the thing at the entrance!”
The last part makes Lan Qiren’s scowl grows deeper. That can’t be good.
“Is it normal?” She asks him. “Is it part of the disease too?”
She is terrified at the idea that this is not, that this is something new that they don’t know how to cure at all. She can’t lock him up again to study his case, if so. Damn, she even didn’t ask the Wen physician about it, too worried she would spill it to her clan by accident and put A-Ying in danger. And she let the opportunity to ask Baoshan Sanren’s help pass! What had she done?!
For a long moment, Lan Qiren remains silent. It is almost unbearable, she wants to shakes him out and force de words out of him. Will he help or not? Does he know or not? Is her son doomed, or not? Answer damnit!
Then he stands and says:
“This is not normal but not unheard of. I think i saw a similar case when i checked our archives, i need to check again. Rest for now. I will be back tomorrow with answers.”
Cangse Sanren never liked Lan Qiren, but right now, she can’t help it, she is grateful for his incredible memory -that can remember all those damn rules and all those damn cases and exceptions. Because thanks to that she can still hope. She hugs A-Ying closer still, maybe a little bit to tight.
“Thank you,” she says to Lan Qiren, as he leaves. She thinks fast of something sweet to say to him, to thank him for his kindness. She remembers how happy he always was when his brother gave him a compliment. “I...i will go and salute the Sect leader properly tomorrow for your help and tell him how helpful you were.”
Lan Qiren stumbles, and stops, his hand on the sliding door.
“The Sect Leader is in seclusion right now, i’m assuming his position.” He simply states, his voice void of any emotion but pain.
And then he closes the door and leaves Cangse Sanren with her son, and stupor.
Notes:
Gasp with this I'm officially having less than 10 chapters in stock, as I'm struggling with some revelation in chapter 26 and 27...
But I decided to treat myself a few days off without writing to make my mind about it. It doesn't matter since I'm no officially off-work (even at home) so I can write whenever.Next chapter is Yu Ziyuan's pov =o It will be a very important step for her couple/ship! Finally =D
*avoid rotten tomatoes of people asking for babies Lan*I promise they will arrive soon! And they will be cutie pies!
See you on Friday for the new chapter ? =)
Bye bye !
Chapter 19: Through good and bad days
Notes:
Hello you all ; thank you once again for all your amazing comments <3 It warms my heart each time I read one!
Here is the new chapter, with a very important step in the couple Yu Ziyuan/Jiang Fengmian. They're almost there è3é !
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren was right, Yu Ziyuan has a lot to do in the sect. But it is probably not what her new sworn sister had in mind. The first thing the sect leader’s wife does is review all the expense of the sect during her absence. Jiang Fengmian is a good leader ; but he is a man, he has absolutely no idea how to handle a household, from the cost of food to the budget of servants. It is always the first thing she checks when she comes back.
But she can’t right now, because her office is gone.
Anger boils her blood ; so what? She leaves for two weeks and half, and now she is replaced, by that right hand man of his?! She is not naive, she expected some of her duty to be taken away ; the very fact she was in charge of this was because of the absence of such person within the sect after all ; but that is not a reason to rob her of all her charges! She is competent! She is talented! Maybe not as much as Cangse Sanren, but she has never done any mistake that could justify such treatment. I am his wife! I am a good cultivator. I am the sect leader’s wife! Some duties should be her! She stomps her way to her husband ; and this time there is no saving him ; she is going to strangle him.
“My Lady” Jiang Fengmian smiles as soon as he sees her, but that does little to appease her anger.
“Why is my office gone?”
He doesn’t even have the decency to look sorry, he just stands there, an eye on the disciples who are currently doing sword drills. Can she humiliate him in front of them, Yu Ziyuan wonders, he definitely deserves it. But would it not ruin their past efforts? He definitely deserves it. Though before she can unleash her thunder, her husband answers calmly:
“Ah. Yes. Our meeting with the Wen gave me an idea ; i moved your office with mine.”
Her mouth opens but there is no word coming out. She stares ; unable to proceed this information. He what? Why would he do that? She thinks of the Wen meeting and how they worked together, how he left her handle anything with ire while he calmed things down with his composure. Does he...Does he want that to happen again? Does he want to work with her?
That’s unbelievable! Impossible! Women and men do not work together!
Anger turns into something else, something a bit hopeful. But there is still a little bit of frustration left, and she can’t help but say:
“We need our own space.”
Men need some time away from their wives, that’s what her father always said. Heck, Yu Ziyuan needs some times away from her husband a lot of time too. They already share room and now work?
“We have the meditating room” offers Jiang Fengmian, a little bit distressed. “But you’re right, if you need a place for you, that could be arranged too.”
The way he phrases it, it’s like she needs it but he doesn’t. Is it real? Is it part of his game, to show people he loves her or is it the truth? No, she thinks, Jiang Fengmian is not a good actor, she recalls. But she still doesn’t like it. It’s like he is the winner, and she is the looser because she can’t stand his presence all the time. She hates that, even if it’s true.
“Yes i do. I will take the room where my office was for myself. And you should find a place for you too!”
She turns her feets, refusing to see his reactions. She hates this, she was there to yell at him, and all she managed was make a fool of herself. She hates this because she is still angry but there’s no reason for it ; she can’t decently be furious when her husband did something right and kind, and respectful toward her! Why is the feeling not going away?!
So when she arrives to her new office -their new shared office- she kneels in front of her desk and opens her letters boxes. She needs a change of mindset quick.
On their trip back from the Wen Territory, she couldn’t get her childhood friend, a man from the Zhao clan, out of her brain. She hadn’t seen him since...Well since her father died because of the strange curse, or disease, the mystery remained completed to theses days, that plagued most of the experienced night-hunters of their generations, including Jiang Fengmian’s parents, years before. Back then, she had been too busy with her own pain and grief to care about others’. A-Li had just been born, her mother was a new widow, her husband used to withdraw for hours in his chamber ; she had a lot in her plate already. It is no excuse, though, to not contact him for years. After all, The Zhao clan is really close from the Wen’s territory, she knows they hadn’t been conquered by the biggest sect- but surely their days might not be always peaceful. Yu Ziyuan writes down a simple and direct missive. She says she saw a boy in Night city that looked a lot like him, when he was young, which is true, even if it’s an excuse to explain why she is suddenly writing them, and ask how he is, how are his own wife and son. She inquires how old the boy is now, as he was older than A-Li by a few years, and if he is already a Sect disciple. If not, she invites him to join the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. When she’s done, she puts it on the pile of scroll that will be sent before the end of the day. It might takes some time to reach its destination ; as their disciples do not travel by sword in this area so often, but it will still be delivered quicker than usual ways.
Her emotions quiet down, it’s almost back under her control. Until she finds the new letter from her other sworn sister -the one she actually likes.
It is a bad idea to read it, but she realizes it too late ; Madam Jin is worried about her, she heard how Jiang Fengmian’s lost love came back in their lives, and how he accepted them back into the sect ; whether she heard about the rumors -which means it has spread that far- or she assumes the worst from men given her own sad marriage- is irrelevant. She inquires about Yu Ziyuan’s husband loyalty. Worst ; she is worried Jiang Fengmian is forcing Yu Ziyuan to live alongside his lovers. With an S.
It enrages Yu Ziyuan’s even more and she is just that close to snap at her best friend to tell her to worry about her own husband’s loyalty, because he is the one who do such thing, not Jiang Fengmian! And who does she think she is? Madam Jin mighthave an unfaithful husband but she didn’t fall so low as to accept mistresses and bastards under her roof, so why does she think Madam Yu would? How could her friend be so unrespectful, she thinks.
Which is really a sign that alerts her.
Oh. It is bad.
She decides to answer this later. When she has calmed down, and he is not so prone to insult her favorite sworn sister. So she goes back to work. Surely, nothing about her work can makes her more angry than she is already.
But this is definitely a bad day, because heck there is. She sees Wei Changze passes and orders him to enter the office immediately. The right-hand man looks at his disciples, he was taking them to the field to do some core building session -and Jiang Yanli is among them. She is proud of her progress, but the fact that she is working better under that man’s influence than she was under Yu Ziyuan’s, doesn’t help her current mood.
“Students,” Says Wei Changze, “Go ahead, i will join you in a minute.”
“We can’t start core building without supervision” informs one of the youngest disciples.
“You’re right, go train your specialities instead then. I will come and fetch you when i’m done.” Confirms Wei Changze.
They scatter, and Yu Ziyuan sees how her daughter heads to the kitchen instead of the infirmary, as if she is some servant. She heard about her being trained in cultivation recipes there, so she can’t be angry at that too, and it seems everything today piles up.
She slams the sliding door behind them. The man barely moves, he only takes a simple posture, hands behind his back, straight and docile, expression unchanging.
“I checked the food expenses,” She says, harshly. “What is the meaning of this?”
She points out the list of what they brought in her absence, and the prices. Wei Changze eyes it, then simply answers :
“This is my report, if i did any mistake, i apologize. Can this disciple ask what he did wrong so he can not do it again, madam?”
“I told you to speak to me normally!”
“Sorry, but you spoke to me like to a servant, so i assumed this was the tone you wanted to hear.”
The nerves! The- She inhales sharply. He is right. But that doesn’t mean she can let it pass either this time:
“Don’t be insolent!”
“...”
It is infuriating to scold him, because he doesn’t show any emotion ; it’s like her complaints pass way above his head! Yu Ziyuan knows he hears, but can’t he act as if he listens to it too? He is very different from Cangse Sanren, who changes every accusation into a joke, yet similar because it glides on them the same way ; like water on rock, unchanging, unaltering.
Yet erosion can shapes out even the toughest rock, if you give it enough time and perseveres, she remembers, and so breathes in and out, before getting to the point :
“You only bought cheap products, that is what you did wrong!”
There’s a moment of silence, and she can see that he is confused and doesn’t get what’s wrong with that as he frowns. Finally ; a reaction! So she can hopes her words gets into one thick head around!
“We are one of the most powerful Sect of the world,” She affirms proudly. “We do not buy things that are cheap. We get the best products there is, because we can’t serve people we invite over lesser meals, we have a reputation to keep.”
Wei Changze gets back his unemotional face, and simply nods. And it annoys her so much -so what, the reason is not good enough for him?- That she adds ;
“It is also a duty to people under our protection. We help the local stores by buying their luxury products, that way we keep their businesses alives and cheap ones are available for common people who truly need it!”
There’s something akin to surprise in the eyes of Wei Changze right now, but he conceals it very fast, as he says;
“I understand. I was ignorant, and wrong.”
“You are not living on the road anymore, you are part of the sect! You don’t have to worry about these matters! Since you have done a bad job at it, i will take care of this permanently, you will have the right to get in charge of this only when i will allow you to!”
There’s a smile on Wei Changze’s face, as he bows and accepts the punishment. Was she that obvious, as she claimed her right back? She can’t take the position of trainer for core building -not when he did such a great job bringing Yanli back to it- but she has to fight for some chores. And It doesn’t make her point less true.
“I will leave the charge of weaponry expenses to my husband and you, though, you did a good job on that.”
He didn’t buy cheap swords ; as he understood that it was vital for Sect to have good arsenal, but not good food. Men! She sighs and tells him to leave her alone, get back to training, whatever. He obeys in silence.
Usually, yelling at someone makes her feel better ; but right now she feels a tiny, tiny bit guilty about it. The feeling worsens as she goes through her paperwork and realizes that surely, this misstep with food is the only complain she has about the right hand man’s work.
She can’t yell at a good subordinate like that. She can’t yell at people just to get the anger out. Cangse Sanren has offered to help her break things, but the sworn sister isn’t there right now. Can she be angry at her for not being there, then? She decides that yes, she can since it hurts no one for once. But it doesn’t help make it disappear either, so Yu Ziyuan leave the office to go train. What did her husband said about meditating room? That it can be their “alone space” ? Well she is surely going to test that.
It does help, in a way ; as she gradually finds back her center. But what helps more is when her husband finds her and sits at her side. So much for alone time, she thinks, more moved than annoyed than she thought she would be.
“Disciples told me you yelled at Wei Changze” He whispers at his side.
Is he going to defends his friend? Is he confronting her head on? The angryness she pushed back surges again and blocks her throat. I can’t believe it! She will not have that ; she was right to yell, he had made a mistake! The fact that it was a tiny one, and that she could probably have said it in a gentler manner, might be true but-
Cangse Sanren’s words rings to her ears. She shakes her head. She breathes in and out, in her lotus position.
“I did.” She manages to say. But since she is learning, she can’t help but adds : “So what, did he complain about me?”
Jiang Fengmian winces, and he takes a deep breath through his nose. He is pissed. Good. She is pissed too.
But also, not good. She didn’t want him to be angry, she reminds herself. She wanted him to love her. Why can’t she do things right? Why can’t she help herself and always get other as mad as she feels? There’s a saying in the Yu family that says “an eyes for an eyes” and this untold rules definitely set in her bones. She can’t seems to be able to get it out.
“He didn’t. A-Li told me when she passed by.”
Betrayed by her own daughter!
“Well maybe she should worry more about her cultivation techniques and less about what i do. What is she even learning? Cooking to become a cultivator? That solution can only comes out of the brain of a serv-”
“My lady-” Jiang Fengmian cuts her, and this time, there’s no denying, he is protecting his friend. His tone is different. She makes a notes to remember it, next time, so she knows better and does not send wrong accusation. Especially ones she knows are unfair. Jiang Fengmian resumes, stating what she already knows : “A-Li is finally doing her cultivation training with a smile on her face.”
He is right of course. They’re all right ; and she is wrong, like always during bad days. But she can’t afford to admit she is wrong, like Cangse Sanren, because she is the sect leader’s wife of one of the greatest sect in the world.
“Why are you here?” She finally snaps.
“To talk things through with you, as you suggested.”
And they are talking. He is using her method against her. How come they all manage to use her method against her suddenly? How come she hates her own method, damn it! Why wouldn’t he stay a coward and avoid her? Why people are listening to her now?
“What is bothering you?” Finally asks Jiang Fengmian. “Is there anything i can do about it?”
What can he do, really? It is just a bad day, Yu Ziyuan is aware ; it’s a day everything pisses her off, even herself. But Cangse Sanren had been right, and like her damn perfect not-husband, she gave her a good advice. They need to find equilibrium, together, Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan, as a couple. They need to find a solution for their everyday life, good and bad ones alike.
She wishes she could say to her husband to fuck off and leave her alone to think, to decompress and come back when the anger is gone, but she didn’t manage to find a way to get it out yet. It would be running away to do so ; and so hypocrite from her.
So she explains : “I’m angry at everything today. It’s not you. Nor Wei Changze. Not anyone’s fault.”
She partially wants to blame Cangse Sanren ; because she is not here and so can’t keep her promise to help her break things while pass it off as training. But it’s unfair.
“I should have told you about my idea before moving your office, though…” Jiang Fengmian admits.
That sure is true, but before she can say anything he adds:
“I will do that from now on.”
So there’s nothing to yell about and she gulps down her anger, again. For a moment, there is silent and vain attempt in meditations.
“Meditating is not helping you…” Jiang Fengmian points out, after a while.
She smirks. No it’s not.
“Would training works?” Asks Jiang Fengmian.
“Are you suggesting i scold our disciples instead of Wei Changze, and train them until they drop dead?” She smirks.
She doesn't mind disciples fearing her, she is not a kind trainer, and the students need someone firm, someone who doesn’t turn every activity into a game too, or they will never be prepared to face the harsh reality of night hunts. But that doesn’t mean she should use them as -how did Cangse Sanren said it? Oh yes ; punching balls.
“...I suppose we can’t do that either. Maybe something more akin to a duel, then?” Proposes Jiang Fengmian.
“With who?”
“With me.”
She blinks, surprised. In a very good way. Jiang Fengmian does seem serious about it. They never spared together ; usually women fight women, and men fight men, even during training, because a training partner is an equal. Because no man want to take the risk to be defeated by a woman, she always thought.
And surely, as the sect leader’s wife, she can’t do that either ; she can’t let those disciples think she can beat their master, or they will lose followers.
“What’s the point?” She scoffs of. “We can’t fight for real.”
Jiang Fengmian looks a little bit amused ; understanding why it is a problem without her voicing it. He adds:
“We can, you’re strong my lady, and you’re training disciples just as much as me, whoever win this duel will secure the strength of the sect, not put it in danger.”
“You will look like a weak man!”
“I’m moved that you care about my reputation. But I’m offended that you think you can win so easily.”
She wants to bark back that she doesn’t, that she cares only about the sect, the clan, but that would be a lie. So she keeps her mouth shuts.
The image of their joined office, only separated by sliding interior doors, erupts into her mind. The meaning suddenly evident to her. Her frustration turns into a odd, jittery feeling : it’s not gone, but it’s easier to handle. It’s like putting your hands out of the fire, to simply savor the warmth, instead of being burned by it.
“I…”
She hesitates, and finally nods.
“I would like that. A duel. With you.”
She dares to hope, as she takes her husband’s hand and joins him on the training field, that, maybe, they are starting to find equilibrium. She knows it won’t be easy, and done in a day, but...It’s good to make a step, and be certains, deep within, that they are on the right track.
“If i win, though, don’t you dare pout and say i stepped on your ego!” She warns though.
Jiang Fengmian smiles ; “I wouldn’t dare.”
Notes:
Next chapter we're going back to Cloud Recesses, with Cangse Sanren...And we will stay with her for a while...Because...FINALLY babies Lan are entering the story! HURRAY!
The chapter will be published on Sunday =D
Chapter 20: One Baby Lan, Two Baby Lan...And one Grumpy Uncle !
Notes:
Thank you all for your amazing support <3 I can't believe we reached 600 kudos and around 160 bookmarks! And so many comments each time I post a chapter, I'm so blessed with you all I can't thank you enough >3<
This week I have to work to help my company, but I have plenty of chapters in advance (I got unstuck yeah, and reached the new arc of the story...The last one before a small time skip!) so don't worry you'll still have a chapter every two days ^^
Hope you'll like this chapter !
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It’s a complicated situation Cangse Sanren is in. A-Ying lied to her. She wishes she had her husband by her side to ask for his advices, surely he would know what to say or do. A-Ying lied to her to protect her. A child protecting his mother, what a joke! She spent enough time with Yu Ziyuan to know what she would do ; punish the boy for his bad deed. But Cangse Sanren likes to say that when she had A-Ying in her belly, she put an extra effort to make him the cutest, most perfect boy in the world ; with a smile so beautiful no one can resist! She surely succeeded on the last part and cut her own legs foot by doing so : all her son has to do to make her heart wavers is to look a little bit sad. How can she punish him in those conditions?
She didn’t sign up for this shit when she agreed to become a mother! The deal was : she carry the baby for nine months and push it out of her body in some awful and gruesome moment and in exchange Wei Changze is the one dealing with scolding and punitions! Where is her husband when she needs him dammit?!
He is not there, unfortunately. So instead she tries to explain her boy that, as a mother, she would rather be worried than not knowing if he is suffering. She is not sure she manages to get the message across her son’s thick head. He is, after all, her and Wei Changze’s son. They’re both stubborn, and it seems their child managed to merge all their stubborness into a bigger one. It will help make his life easier, she supposes, but it definitely makes his mother’s work harder.
“But I’m not hurt!” He says. “So it’s okay!”
“It’s never okay to lie!”
“But you lie too, and daddy too!”
“When do i do that?!”
“When you say it’s okay!”
Argh, why is he so smart already?!
“We’re adults, adults can lie, children cannot!”
“Why?!”
“Because! Go to bed!”
Worst parenting lesson ever ! Worst mother ever , adds her traitorous mind. She misses her husband. She’s terrible at doing his job. A-Ying lets out a irritated “humph!” takes the kitty in his bed and hides behind his blanket. She hears him cry himself to sleep and it’s the hardest thing to not go and comfort him.
She lies in her own bed and does her best to not think about it, glaring at the ceiling. It’s not working very much, she is stuck in a semblance of sleep, caught between dreams and reality, meditation and thoughts.
She thinks of two Lan brothers.
Lan Qiren used to look at his older brother with such admiration. She didn’t get to know them much, but she remembered Qingheng-Jun as someone who was kind, who always managed to see the best in everyone, a true romantic and idealist person.
Once, she crossed way with him as he was on a nighthunt, and never had she ever witnessed such a weird mix of merciless skills during a fight coupled with such empathy and compassion over the preys he slayed. Fighting by his side was thrilling, et emotionally hard. His every move felt like a deadly dance he invited his prey in. He just didn’t care about the pristine of his robes, or the gravity of their crimes, he bent down to what he slayed as if they were still humans, something that deserved respect and love, and held their hands as they died.
“No one deserves to be alone when they die.” He had said to her that very day.
She hates the Lan clan’s mural fulls of rules, but when she met the man, she couldn’t help but think that if there was someone who could embody all those impossible laws, it was him. And somehow, she had been surprised of how much she appreciated this ideal, even though it was Lan clan’s result. People used to say that if someone was deemed to become an immortal within their rank, surely, it would be him.
And Cangse Sanren couldn’t help but agree. Baoshan Sanren wasn’t an immortal in her eyes, she was too close to her, she knew too much of her flaws. But she wasn’t this close with Qingheng-Jun. Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian admired him from afar, and so she did the same.
All she could see, was that he was the kind of people you judge as naive, but admire, as they travel across the world with no hatred in their eyes and only love ; like some otherworldly being. The kind of person that could look at a monster and still see them as human, when most of them simply push away that thought in order to be able to do the job. The kind of person one only aspires to be, but knows they can’t, as their flaws stick to them like glue.
And isn't’ that what immortal are, in people’s mind?
Last time she saw him, Cangse Sanren remembers, he had just fallen in love, and was sighing all over Cloud Recesses like some maiden, writing ridiculously sweet poems. How long has it been? She couldn’t remember the name of the lucky maiden, but Lan women were crying in their sleeves each time they talked about it as it became more evident how infatuated the heir was. Some men too, lamented over this fact, she remembered finding it funny. Especially since, if she remembered correctly, there was a belief that Lan only fell in love once in their lives, and only with their soulmates, like their founder.
How did this happen, then? How could he be in seclusion? Did this unbelievable sturdy rock full of rules and principles finally cracked under the pressure? Was his heart broken? Somehow she could picture the man she met as someone who would go into seclusion to mend a lost love.
But Lan Qiren was a Lan too, and for his voice to waver in strange tangle of hurt, Cangse Sanren can’t help but fear it is more than that. If he was just there because of a lost love, maybe there would be disappointment, but not…
Not this. This is more than a kid’s illusions broke by adulthood. She might doesn’t like Lan Qiren, but she never wished him this kind of pain, like the one of his voice, as he confessed being the current Sect leader ; betrayed.
Did Quinghen-Jun finally saw the ugliness of the world and couldn’t stand it anymore? Did he change in such a way that even he, nore the clan and his dear little brother, could accept?
Cangse Sanren awakens wishing it’s the former rather than the latter. It would be too sad ; the world is a better place when there are still people who can believe in its hidden beauty.
Well there’s nothing much she can do about that, though, can she? Seclusion is usually one’s own decision, or a punishment from Elders after all. If Qingheng-Jun is deaf to his own brother’s suffering, or unable to end it, there is absolutely no hope that Cangse Sanren can. Better focus on what she can actually do.
But the image of Quinghen-Jun holding the corpse’s hands and patting its heads at it’s finally died for good, doesn’t leave her mind. Neither did the souvenir of proudness in the young Lan Qiren’s eyes, whenever he spoke of his brother.
If her way crosses his, though, she might give it a try.
A-Ying is showing some guilt once he wakes up. She still gives him a “i’m disappointed in you” stare, even though it’s hard, as she dresses him up. She doesn’t manage to keep it this long, though, and can’t help but stick her tongue out at him, to make him laugh at one point. Fortunately, her son is smarter than her, and he reaches for her robe, with a tiny voice.
“I’m sorry mommy.”
She sighs, and pats his head. She had the whole night to think ; but nothing about this matter, so she improvises a speech, too tired to be afraid to mess things up, at this point ; just brutally honest :
“Just don’t do it again, okay? I know you do this to not worry me, but it worries me more when you lie to me. If you do something bad, i will be sad ; that’s true. But if you lie to me i will be sad, angry and disappointed in you . Because that mean i would not be able to trust you anymore. If you lie too many times to me I will not believe anything you say to me. You understand?”
He nods. That doesn’t change the fact that Cangse Sanren was not reliable enough in her own son’s eyes. She has to change that. She has to gain back his trust, just like he has to gain back her. But right now the most urgent is to change the mood they’re both stuck in. What’s the one rule in her household? At least a smile per day!
She supposes Lan clan will care for her only this evening, since the ritual is supposed to takes place during the night, that means she has all day to…
“Let’s find if Lan clan have babies we can befriend!”
She doubts it, after all, aren’t they supposed t go to bed at 9pm and wake up at 5Am? It leave an awful tiny time for bedroom activities and babies making. No wonder they are all so stuck up, some of them must really need to bone. Lan Qiren for example ; it would probably get the tension out of his body.
Though she does not want to think anyone would lay with Lan Qiren. Not for as long as he has this awful goatee. (Maybe she should shave it again? It would do him some services!)
A-Ying like the idea of having new friends very much, so much that he barely waits for his mother as she climbs on her flying sword. At one point though, he stares at her, and how she struggles, and simply says:
“You can’t run now?”
The question seems to only wait for a confirmation, not really an explanation, but she owes him one. It’s about time he knows. Maybe he hadn’t ask it yet, because he feared she would lie to him.
“Yes, sweetheart, mommy got really hurt, that’s why she can’t walk.”
“Because of the monster?”
Oh no. Sweetheart. She can’t allow her son to blame himself for that. She is the sole responsible for her fate. So she hugs him and kisses the top of his head.
“No. It’s because i landed badly. That’s why when you’ll learn how to fly on yoru sword, you have to be extra careful!”
A-Ying nods, and his fingers brush his mother’s knee. She flinches, but not because of the pain, but because she can’t feel the contact at all despite seeing it, and it’s sickening.
“Forever?” The boy asks, unsure.
She gives him a sad smile. It’s hard for kids to grasp that some injury can never heal, it’s a frightening truth. But apparently her son is smart enough to figure this out on his own. She still wants him to cling up to a tiny bit of hope, it’s too soon for all his illusions about the world to be shattered.
“Maybe. We’ll have to wait and see.”
A-Ying gives her the kitten, as if it’s some kind of good luck charm that could heal even the worst of the wound. She takes the little pet and pats it with gratitude.
“I miss Donkey,” he confesses, though. And she gets it, when they traveled, she often rode the donkey with him on her laps, so he probably thinks it would be less serious, that she couldn’t walk anymore, if the animal was still there to carry them.
“I miss him too,” she admits. “But your kitten is not bad too. Did you think of a name for it? Or should we call it kitty forever ?”
“He is Impossible!” States A-Ying with confidence ; “Because A-Cheng said it’s impossible to train kitty and he is wrong!”
A-Ying is definitely her son!
“You’re right! That’s a very good name ! Let’s prove him wrong! Now...Lan babies!” She reminds him. And he repeats, finding back his smile.
“Lan babies!”
But if there is Lan babies at Cloud Recesses, they are really well hidden. They look through different gardens, and try to hear any laugh or wail or any sign that something is alive. All they get is some “Running is forbidden at Cloud Recesses” when they go through the building. Which Cangse Sanren answers with : “I’m not running, i’m flying!” before her ribbon grabs A-Ying (who is definitely running) and takes off.
It’s really depressing, how there is no trace whatsoever of kids there. She sees students -all formal with their ribbons on their heads, scrolls under their arms. But they are already too big to play with A-Ying and probably brainwashed. How can such a beautiful place be the home of such depressing people? Truly a mystery!
In the end, before it’s even time for lunch, Cangse Sanren gives up and apologizes to her son. There’s apparently only silence and boring stuff here. Even her plans to move to Caiyi Town and enjoy nightlife are doomed with the ritual. How will they survive a full month here?
Library is her only salvation, an fortunately she remembers where the pavillon stands -it was there she flirted the most with Wei Changze after all ; breaking in and making a mess to make him laugh, leave him a secret message and then run away to find them by mere “coincidences” on the road to a nighthunt.
Her husband is not here, of course ; but Lan Qiren is. Which is the biggest turn-off in history. But to her utter surprise, he is not alone, next to him there are the tiniest Lan she ever saw.
“Babies Lan!” Yells victoriously A-Ying as soon as he spots one, then he giggles when he notices the second one.
Immediately, Lan Qiren says:
“Excessive noise is forbidden at Cloud Recesses.”
“Fun is forbidden at Cloud Recesses” Cangse Sanren whispers back.
But apparently baby making is not! And so here there are, actual babies Lan! One is a bit older, as he already wear his forehead ribbon, but the other (the cutest) seems to be around A-Ying’s age. That is perfect! Her son will not be all alone for a full month!
The implication of their presence, near Lan Qiren and what it means, hits Cangse Sanren so hard that she can’t help but yelp:
“Who let you reproduce?!”
More importantly, who was willing to reproduce with him?! Lan Qiren turns red from head to toe, and he snaps -not scream, despite all his anger, because he is still brainwashed:
“They are my nephews ; my brother’s sons!”
“I know what nephews are!” She counters.
But heck, why is his brother in seclusion if he has children? What a terrible, terrible decision! She hopes their mother is strong and can take care of them both while he is... Ah. Is he in seclusion because he lost his wife? She had bet over heartbreak, but that could have happened too. Poor Lan Qiren, does that mean he is taking charge of all his brother’s responsibilities, including parental ones? She doesn’t like him, but that’s still unfair. Well there’s definitely worst thing than taking care of children (children are the cutest) but it’s better when you wanted them in the first place, right?
Oh no. She will have to act nicely with him, now, right? He is looking miserable again! Crap! Say a joke! Her minds orders, but at the same time her logic reminds her that Lan Qiren hates her jokes.
While her mother is having a crisis, A-Ying is wasting no time, and directly goes to meet his new friends.
“My name is Wei Ying,” he states with a blinding smile.
She is so proud of her own baby. So polite ; he definitely gets that from his father, not her! Smart boy : he took the best of the two of them!
“Courtesy name, Wuxian.” Adds Lan Qiren immediately, because apparently Wei Ying is not polite enough for Lan. Then he says to the oldest boy. “Come on, remember the rules, always be polite.”
The oldest nods, and gives up a perfect tiny (baby!) bow. His (baby Lan!) ribbon almost get crooked in the process and he puts it back in place with care.
“My name is Lan Huan. Nice to meet you Wei Wuxian.”
His little brother is hiding behind his back (babier baby Lan!!) and he hums, mimicking the movement but saying nothing. He is adorable! Lan Qiren must disagree, because he sighs, and says in his stead:
“This is Lan Zhan.” He hesitates, and adds to Cangse Sanren, grumpy: “He doesn’t talk.”
Aw! She wouldn’t talk much too if she had Lan Qiren as an uncle! A-Ying, though, doesn’t care much about this, he talks enough for two, after all, and so he states:
“It’s okay! You wanna play with me?”
He tries to takes his hand but the youngest Lan avoids his contact and hides a little bit further behind his brother, who smiles sadly:
“He doesn’t like being touched too…”
“Lan Zhan, it’s rude.” Scolds him Lan Qiren.
So Lan Zhan bows again to excuse his rudeness and returns to his hiding spot. That’s a whole new level of shyness. Cangse Sanren can’t help but wonder how long it will take for A-Ying to break through the boy’s thick skin though. Because she has no doubt, given how her son’s eyes sparkle that he has apparently decided that befriending this little one is his life’s mission. Surely it is her duty as a mother to help him bring a smile to this too solemn face too!
“Soooo-” She inquires near Lan Qiren. “What baby Lan do to play?”
“Don’t call them baby Lan…”
“We play hide-and-seek,” Answers Lan Huan, and surely eager to paint his little brother under a better light than the boy-who-does-not-speak-and-not-like-physical-contact, he adds : “A-Zhan is very good at Silent King, (Yeah Cangse Sanren could have guessed that one) and huu-”
He stops, and looks at his uncle.
“Uncle, what’s the name of the game where we hold each other’s chins, and the first one to laugh has to do handstands?”
Lan Qiren graoumph-s more than he answers, he probably doesn’t know, Cangse Sanren bets, he was never a kid to begin with he probably got right out of his mother belly already all proper and grown up with a beard on his face. So he returns to his work on the desk. Lan Huan drops it, and says to A-Ying.
“A-Zhan is very good at that too, he never lost a game.”
“Really?”
A-Ying’s eyes shines, but Cangse Sanren is afraid this might be too big of a challenge, even for him.
“A-Ying can’t do handstands” she says to save her son from a crushing defeat.
“I can!”
Okay, if he wants to lose face so much...A-Ying just to prove his words, tries it in the middle of the library. And to be fair, maybe he could, but his whole left side is still bandaged and not fully healed, so of course he crashes face first on the ground.
Lan Huan is too polite to laugh, but the corner of his lips turns upward. Lan Zhan is watching, and is definitely not impressed. To answer this obvious taunt he does a perfect “baby Lan” handstand in front of A-Ying.
“How he is good at it!” pouts A-Ying. “You said he never lost!”
Lan Huan smiles kindly : “He does handstand with the loser each time, though i’m not sure i get why. Maybe to be supportive?”
Lan Zhan, still upside down, nods to confirm his brother’s theory. Lan Qiren proudly recites some rule about not being a sore loser, and be a fair winner too, busy reading his scroll. Canse Sanren thinks it’s stupid, what’s the point of winning if you can’t brag about it? (Wei Changze is like that too, he doesn’t care when he plays, as long as he has fun and manages to get in the way of everyone like some chaotic player and it infuriates her) Still, imagining the baby doing handstand is very funny, and she smirks ; especially when A-Ying does handstand a second time, trying to learn from Lan Zhan’s example.
Lan Qiren turns around and finally sees what the two children are doing ; he is not amused at all : “Do not do handstand in the library pavillon!”
Lan Zhan immediately stops and sits down, while A-Ying almost crash again, but manages to make a perfect roll instead, and beams as he ends up on his feet like a champion. Her mother applauses : you’re doing great sweetie! She wants to say it aloud, but the temptation is too great and she turns to Lan Qiren instead:
“Is there also a rules for that too?”
His face says enough : there is none (yet, she fears he might adds one in the upcoming days).
“They’re children, give your rules a little slack,” she says.
“There is no order without rules.” Recites Lan Huan immediately, and Lan Qiren nods proudly.
Cangse Sanren is terrified. The brainwashing had begun! She has to save those little ones from it and quick so she whispers to the little Lan:
“A-Ying and I will be staying here for a whole month. Would you be good babies Lan and keep my A-Ying company while we’re here? Isn’t it in the rules, too? Something like be good hosts?”
To her surprise, A-Zhan nods in agreement just a little before his brother answers a polite “Of course.” Maybe all hope for A-Ying to charm this little one aren’t gone. Lan Qiren only frowns but doesn’t object.
“Why don’t you start right now? Why don’t you go and play around?”
“We’re supposed to study…” Protests A-Huan, looking at his uncle, unsure.( Study?! They are babies! What kind of torture is this?)
Lan Qiren grumps, but he finally says:
“Don’t wander too far off, and come back before it’s time for lunch. I need to speak with Wei Wuxian’s mother.”
A-Huan’s smile is really cute, and he takes his little brother’s hand, and A-Ying’s with the other, before leading them to the garden. Babies Lan are so polite and composed, she doesn’t know why she expected less. But they are nonetheless adorable! She wants to pinch their cheeks, especially that tiny serious one with golden eyes!
“Wait!”
A-Ying rushes back to them, and he whistles. Immediately, the kitten which had been so calm and docile until now, jumps right on the little boy, and curls around his neck, finding his place on his shoulder. Lan Zhan opens his mouth in front of the scene, but doesn’t let out a single sound. His brother is more enthusiastic, and he whispers:
“Wow, your cat is so well trained.”
“He is the best! I’m trying to teach him how to get messages to people!” Assures A-Ying.
“Really? Is that possible?” Wonders Lan Huan with a gentle tone that hides his doubts.
“Attempt the impossible!” Answers A-Ying with enthusiasm and Cangse Sanren almost burst into laughing, she doesn’t know where her boy heard the Yunmeng Jiang sect’s saying, but it looks like he likes it.
And just like A-Ying did this morning with her, he puts his cat on Lan Zhan’s arms with a smile. The poor boy stop moving, as if he is holding something very fragile and he kitten yawns, barely troubled. As they start to move once again in direction of the garden, too focused on the pet, his tiny hands reaches his big brother’s ribbon’s tail instead of his hand. The cat’s pupils grew with excitement, following the ribbon too. This is a future disaster in the making. But Cangse Sanren is so busy cooing over their adorableness -She wants ten - no! -hundred of it!- that she does not see it, just as much as she barely hears Lan Qiren when he calls her.
“Cangse Sanren,” the man repeats, annoyed. “I have found a similar case.”
Magic words, though, and she shifts right to face him immediately, as serious as one can be. It definitely startles the man, if only for a couple of seconds.
“I went through our archives,” he starts, fumbling different scrolls with his hands. There’s a really ugly incense burner by his side, but no incense sticks in it. “One case is similar and the child could see the “monster” even while she was awake. There’s also moments where the creatures she conjured showed itself to others, as if it was conscious. But it never hurt anyone, and did not responded to our elder’s inquiry like a spirit.”
Oh. So now, it might not be because her son is undisciplined, then, right? She smirks at Lan Qiren, but he ignores her smug.
“There’s a couple of questions i must ask you, to assert if it’s truly the same situation.”
“I’m ready, whatever you ask.”
“When did it start?”
First question, and already a difficult one. She tries to tell him what happened that night, it is the third time she goes through this story, and it is not easier. She is too scared to omit even one detail, and hide informations like with Wen Ruohan, or to lessens what happened to not worry him, like with Jiang Fengmian. The only thing she keeps, is her talisman and the secret immortal array. Lan Qiren listens quietly, only nodding from time to time.
“So...He never had this kind of nightmares before this night,” he concludes. “Was it the first time he was this close to resentful energy?”
“Maybe. We stopped night hunting while he was a baby, for a couple of years. Then i left him with other mothers in the village when we resumed, or at inns.”
“Do you get nightmares when you sleep close of your son?”
This time it feels like her heart stops, and her whole body goes cold. Words get stuck inside her throat, in protest -of course she has nightmares, she escaped death!- but at the same time she thinks of all the time she managed to get a full night of sleep without one. And each time it was when she was away from A-Ying. For example during her trip through the Wen territory. Heck...She is pretty sure Wei Changze is the same, he told her he slept better since he went to take care of that Innkeeper. They both assumed it was because his mind was finally at peace with this problem. Is the truth that now A-Ying has a room of his own where he sleeps…?. -But!
For Lan Qiren, her silence is enough of an answer and she sees him closes his eyes and breaths through his nose, calmly. This can’t be good. But also it is kind of good? Right? If it’s the same situation then they know how to treat it. Don’t they?
Lan Qiren opens his eyes, and asks again:
“Those nightmares you do ; are they always the same ones?”
She nods carefully. He breaths in.
“Do you die, in those dreams?”
This is it. This can’t be anything else. This is too accurate. She nods again, her body as cold as ice.
“What is it? Why is it so bad? What does this mean Lan Qiren?”
Is there a way to cure it? Why do you look so gloom, then? She wants to scream.
“Normally, you can’t witness your death in a dream, Cangse Sanren. You can see it happening but you wake up immediately before you actually die. You can see what occurs after it, but you're like a spirit witnessing the aftermath of your death. You never get to live through the actual death. It is a sign of possession if you do, a sign that something is trying to kill you for real.”
She cuts him : “We did check that up, no talisman flared in our presences, this is not possession! I’m sure of that, Lan Qiren!”
“...Our healers were sure of that too. And they didn’t know what it was then either.” He finishes. “Though one noted down it a theory about prophetic dreams, for a reason that i didn’t find yet.”
Prophetic dreams? What the hell, the event was already passed! It made no sense! It would mean that we could have died, that the A-Ying in her dream could have been as alone and frightened as she saw, and she can’t accept this. She can’t. Plus, prophetic dreams are usually seen by someone, not given by someone, like some contagious diseases!
“What is it, Lan Qiren? ” She repeats, a little bit more threatening. Then, she changes strategy, as it is evident that Lan Qiren doesn’t know either : “Who got this disease before?”
Lan Qiren sighs, and she swears that she is going to strangle him if he doesn’t drop the solemn act and spit it out. This is not funny, this is her son’s life that is at stakes! Her husband’s life too! She might jokes about many, many things, but never those two!
“Lan Yi,” he finally confesses. “The last one who showed this kind of symptoms is one of our ancestor, the only woman that managed to become Sect Leader, Lan Yi. The one who created the famous chord assassination technique of our Clan.”
She breathes in, her body stuck in a weird state, both cold and warm, relieved and scared. The name rings a bell in her mind, she is pretty sure Baoshan Sanren knows her, but the meaning and the details escapes her memory. But If the woman lived enough to become a Sect Leader, surely, her disease is curable. Right? But prophetic dreams? Chord assassination technique? She is afraid to get the link between those two.
“Is...The ritual not working then?”
Because that’s what matters, what she should focus on, she decides, rather than lost herself in conjectures and past events. She tends to jump immediately on worst case scenario, just like her husband, sometimes. Maybe it’s not that bad. Lan Qiren sighs, and nods:
“The ritual works on nightmares. The healers’ reports of that time are clear enough about it. As for the monster our ancestor saw during daylight, it disappeared when Lan Yi formed a core on her own. It probably took the place the Yin energy gathered.”
She will have to start training her son sooner then. But, that’s hardly difficult to handle, especially when they said the thing could not attack anyone and stayed far away, not causing damage during the day. So why does he look like death is right upon their doorsteps? She asks him just that.
“Because there’s not much left from these times. It was a complicated moment for our Sect, and the world, as the Iron Yin resurfaced. There was a war, it caused the apparition of the burial mount. Most of our archives concerning Lan Yi were lost during this troubled time, and it is possible that information regarding her situation was lost with it.”
Cangsen Sanren’s memory is shit with names and dates, but sometimes it comes back, not in flash but with the certitude “that’s it, i know it!”. In those rare moments, she feels like seeing her own pastself, witnessing the emotions that went through this tiny body of her without actually feeling it ; just acknowledging it. It’s not scary or painful, just distant and weird. This time she remembers her teacher, the one time she talked about the Iron Yin, stating in front of her crowd of students :
“It cannot be purified. It cannot be destroyed. It always find a way to avoid it. It always finds a way to come back. It can only be sealed.”
But most of all she remembers is her own past self, thinking : “If Baoshan Sanren can’t do it, then no one can.” And this time, despite being separated with this this past echo by years, she experiences the same fear.
“But...The Iron Yin is not related to this matter? Right?” She asks. “And surely, you can dig out informations, right? I mean, that’s a big library you have there, the information must be somewhere! I will help you! And if there was anything more to do, your past healers would have noted it down, right?”
“I hope. But there were less rules at the time, and maybe they had different processes than ours.”
Less rules!? That’s the first time Cangse Sanren actually regrets the absence of rules in her life. Yet there’s something else, or Lan Qiren wouldn’t talk about his clan’s politics, she knows. And surely, the man shifts, as if he is embarrassed:
“And even if this is not related, you have to know, that the case reached such a state that our elders went to seek advices from an immortal. I found as much, and i think you need to know about it.”
Cangse Sanren feels her breath freeze in her lungs.
“Who?”
But she already knows who, if she is being honest. She is connecting the dots.
“Baoshan Sanren.”
Notes:
I have several questions for you, dear readers ^^
As you can see I do not use Chinese words (it is already hard to write in English and I talk this language, I'm not sure I can handle Chinese when I don't speak a single word of it)...BUT ; what about names? Sword names, Place names, animal names...(Like the little Impossible Kitty) would you rather have these terms in English or in Chinese ? If so I will look for a translation for them.
Cangse Sanren is a unreliable narrator, like any internat narrator. So don't trust her 100% whenever she talks about people, it's her own opinion on it. (Especially Lan Qiren -I promise I do like him but I can't express this with her as a narrator-, Baoshan Sanren and...of course Quigheng-Jun there). I will try to be as faithful as the original author (MTXT)'s intent regarding the Lan mama and papa's trouble. Aka : the situation is complicated enough for Lan Xichen to not be sure about it and his father to spend all his life in seclusion. I will develop things a little bit further though because I want to. U-U
I'm also very curious about what you gathered / understood of Wei Wuxian/Ying's disease and the Iron Yin. If you have the time, please tell me if there are things you don't get and things that makes you curious, as I'm too into the story I don't have the necessary distance to know if my explanations are enough. It will help me clarify the situation if it's needed in the future chapters ^^
See you on Tuesday for the new chapter with more Babies Lan ! =D
Chapter 21: Life at Cloud Recesses
Notes:
Good new !! Someone on my Tumblr kindly proposed themselves to be a beta-reader, I'm waiting for their response, but this fit might gain someone who is better at English than me and hence correct the mistake I might leave <3 Wouldn't that be awesome ? * o *
...but you know what's already awesome ? So many feedback, comments, kudos and bookmarks I already get from you all <3 I can't thank you enough (so I do it every time to compensate)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Baoshan Sanren. Why must you follow me everywhere? Cangse Sanren’s heart hurts again at the mention of her surrogate mother. Will i ever be free from your shadow? Lan Qiren was right to mention her, of course, it’s better that she knows...but damn, it’s like the entire universe is telling her to go and meet her teacher, break her vow and accept the consequences for it.
And she can’t do that. She really can’t. The price is too much to pay. She just knows, what the immortal will require, if she goes and pleads her to cure her son.
This certitude is even greater, now that she knows her A-Ying lied, because he was scared to be held inside a room for two days. He is too much like her, being trapped inside the mountain for all his life would be torture.
“And...What did Baoshan Sanren said?”
Baoshan Sanren, in the past, did meddle with humans. It’s the proof ; whatever her reason was to live as an hermit now, it wasn't’ apparently the case back then. So maybe she gave the remedy to the Lan. Maybe they still have it, just hidden on a shelf, collecting dust. She wants to believe they have ; because Xue Yang is probably already arrived at the mountains by now, and she can’t go back, she can’t go there without risking losing her son. It’s too late to ask for help via the orphan’s letter. It’s too late to regret.
Lan Qiren, so ever serious, is not helping in that matters : “The transcription of the immortal’s words were lost in the chaos following resurgence of the Iron Yin, unfortunately.”
“Of course. of fucking course!” She hisses, taking her head into her hands.
Of course she has the misfortune of the crown prince Baoshan Sanren always told stories about.
Baoshan Sanren ; does her fate forever bound to her teacher? Is she fated to meet the mother who raised her again? Part of her hope, longs, for it, knows that the immortal will help and make everything better, fix every mistake she did. Like some child running in their mother’s arms for comfort. But she is not a child anymore ; she can’t. The other part, the same who made her scream at her mother that she would rather die than being kept up in this mountain, is terribly afraid and clings to another way out. Cangse Sanren doesn’t know what to think. She gets Yu Ziyuan’s words with a painful accuracy “What does i do with all these feelings?” and regrets not taking it more seriously back then. It is not the first time she is lost with her emotions, though, being in love does that a lot, being a mother too, being alive in general has these kind of side effects, she supposes. It hurts, but it’s not deadly. It’s complicated like swimming in a tempest, but once you reach the shore and see it from afar it looks less menacing, tamed. She just needs to let this passes. So she pushes aside everything else, and focus on what she can do instead. Looks for information in this library. Maybe, hidden somewhere deep within its archives, there is a record of what the immortal did, back then, if not her words. Maybe this will be enough. It has to be enough, she decides. And she hopes it worked.
And if it’ didn’t... Whatever! She is not her teacher, she is not. Cangse Sanren is not an immortal, but she is an improver ; she improves things! She makes plan better, she makes it work. She is going to find what Baoshan Sanren did, and if it wasn’t enough, improves it, and succeed where she failed. Cangse Sanren has no choice if A-Ying’s fate is at stakes.
“There’s something i found.” Lan Qiren says.
He pushes the incense burner in front of her. It is very ugly, and full of dust. The incense burner has the body of a bear, nose of an elephant, eyes of a rhinoceros, tail of a bull, and limbs of a tiger. She doesn't know what animal it's supposed to be, as a child she would have called this a panda, because she didn't know what it looked like and assumed everything vaguely weird was panda. She now knows better (and is forever disappointed that panda are cute squishy litle bear and not some chimera like this). With its stomach as the main unit, the incense burner probably lets soft smoke go out from its mouth after it is lit up. It feels somehow familiar, Cangse Sanren can’t pint point out why, until she does.
“This object... i didn’t found anything on it besides its name : Mo incense burner. It first appeared in our archives shortly after the date our healers said they went to ask Baoshan Sanren for help. It might be linked to it.”
She recognizes the shitty taste of her teacher ; as genius as she is, her artistic skills are outwardly strange. It’s mastery made yet no one could call this art either. It makes her chuckle a bit, nerves entangling.
“It’s definitely her work.” She confirms with a smirk.
She both want to reject this artefact that is mocking her, and hugs her tightly, as it might be the tool she needs to save her child -without giving him up to the immortal.
“Can i borrow it?”
Lan Qiren nods.
“Cangse Sanren, I don’t think it was for Lan Yi. The healers did say that the ritual worked.” He insists.
And his words help. it truly does.
“Their worries were more aimed toward the dreams people got when they sleep near her. I think they asked Baoshan Sanren about this, not about the sleep paralysis demon. So it might be for you. I will allow you to use it, at the condition that, if you get how it works, you share your discovery with my clan.”
It appease her a bit ; it is less urgent. She promises to do so, but doesn’t plan to do it very soon. Besides she’s not the only one plagued with nightmares. Wei Changze is too.
“You sure the ritual works?” She inquires instead.
“I am sure of that. Lan Yi was not admitted in the medical room after she formed a core. Not for sleep paralysis demon or anything related to it. She was healed.”
Cangse Sanren allows herself to breath in ; some of her fear melting away. It’s going to be okay. She feels light headed. It’s going to be okay! She is not completely at ease, as the mystery remains, but the threat is definitely less scary.
“If the ritual works.” She says to Lan Qiren. “That’s all that matters.”
Lan Qiren disagrees:
“Do not push aside your nightmares. They worried our healers enough, back then, to bother an immortal with it. You aren’t supposed to witness and feel your death in a dream the way you do in those. It’s dangerous. One day it might actually truly kill you.”
Mind works funnily, though, Cangse Sanren hears Lan Qiren’s words, but she doesn’t listen. Instead she can’t help but think that, for people to have nightmares, they have to share a bed with the kid. Apparently, parents are always parents, being Lan or any other surnames. When one’s child is suffering with such awful disease, they hug them too, and sleep at their sides, hoping to help even if they know they can’t. It’s comforting. And sad. Bittersweet.
Her gaze wanders and finds her son, playing in the garden. Seeing him settles her hearts back, it grounds her. He looks so happy right now ; busy staring at Lan Zhan, holding each other’s sleeves. Are they playing the game they described earlier, but holding clothes instead of chins, to make the boy comfortable. Lan Huan is petting the cat and nodding from time to time...Like some sort of judge between them. A-Ying talks eagerly (or should it be called monologuing at this point?) Lan Zhan suddenly puts up a hand over A-Ying’s mouth, forbidding him to babble any more. It ends up with A-Ying licking Lan Zhan’s fingers and the boy hiding behind his brother with the most offended look his little face can do, ears red.
“I won!” Yells A-Ying proudly and suddenly, without a warning, he jumps on the other boy and tries to tickle him.
Big emphasis on the “try” because the Lan Zhan’s expression doesn’t change at all under the tickle, not even a little smile or a sigh. He is, apparently not ticklish. A-Huan puts down the cat, and separates them, reminding A-Ying that his brother doesn’t like being touched. Which doesn’t turn well, because A-Ying is her son, he is stubborn, so he merely changes target. Soon enough A-Huan is rolling on the ground ; because he is being tickled to death and Lan Zhan, attempts to protect his brother from such a sneaky attack. Somehow it ends up with Lan Zhan biting A-Ying.
Adults are forced to intervene, after that, and Lan Qiren scolds Lan Zhan for his behavior, and Lan Huan for the excessive noise.
“I will recite the rules tonight for you, while you bow. No one is having dinner before having listened to all of it.”
Both boys nods, obedient.
It is unfair to Cangse Sanren’s opinion but she feels too numb to defend anything but her own kid right now. And her own kid is anything but proud:
“You see, mommy? You see it? I made a baby Lan laugh! One!”
He looks at Lan Zhan, sparkles in his eyes as he states;
“You’re next!”
Lan Zhan looks determined to not be the next one. A-Ying is so different from his father, yet he reminds her of him so much, when he faces a new challenge, that she can’t help but hugs him tight. She misses Wei Changze right now. She needs him by her side. He has nightmares too. Is he in danger? She needs him to talk to and clear the daze of thoughts in her head, like he always does. But he is not here, and she is alone to protect A-Ying right now. It’s going to be okay. She repeats in her mind, like a prayer. But she still wants to understand what exactly it is they are living. What this Lan Yi went through and if, truly, she was okay.
Fortunately, it is time for lunch, and if there is one thing Lan Clan is good at, is keeping their schedule in order. It helps a bit. Lan Qiren invites her over, to share the meal with them -she doubts they will resume this conversation after this.
Cangse Sanren is not hungry, but she tries ; her instinct hurling inside her that she needs to gather strength and be ready to fight. Whatever those nightmares are, she needs to be ready. He son, though, winces and stick out his tongue in disgust as soon as he takes the first bit of his congee.
“It’s berk,” he says, and turns to his mother,giving her his bowl, “Try it mommy!”
Surely, a good mother would answer him to force himself, as he is not polite to their hosts (Lan Qiren stares at them angrily right now), or at the very least would tell him that food is food and he shouldn’t be picky. But Cangse Sanren is chasing away the numbness, bit by bit and finding herself again ; ready to fight, and so, ready to joke.
“Why would i taste it if you say it’s bad? I don’t want to eat bad food!”
A-Ying opens his mouth, surprised and maybe a little bit angry, but he soon looks up and seems to agree to the logic:
“It makes sense.”
She nods and takes a bit of her meal too, only to winces and stick out her tongue just like her son did, seconds earlier. He is right it’s really bad! Bland and savor less. She will have to get a trip to Caiyi and gets them some decent food or they will starve!
She avoids Lan Qiren furious’s glare for the rest of the lunch, while A-Ying spends the rest of the meal trying to get attention from Lan Zhan, calling him again and again.
The more time passes, the more Cangse Sanren finds back her confidence and hope. She gets back to her drafted plan and push aside the incense burner (she will ask if she can take it to Lotus Pier. After all her husband is there and they both have nightmares). Now, she needs to look for more informations in the library. She needs to know more about Lan Yi. She needs to be sure that It’s going to be okay. She asks permission to Lan Qiren, since he is the sect leader.
“You won’t find anything.” He states, without a doubt.
“I’m stuck here for a full month” she counters. “I’ve got time on my hand that you don’t have to look for it.”
She is right. And he knows it. It still doesn’t look like he likes the idea very much.
“I will help you when i get time, and you’ll not be allowed to our secrets archives. It is Lan Clan’s business.”
She expected as much -and already decided to sneak off, if she ever feels like it is needed for her researches. Like hell she will let her son, or her husband, be sick to keep up some sect’s secrets! But for now, she fakes acceptance and accepts the man’s condition. Lan Qiren, unfortunately, does not trust her, she can see it with the way his eyes narrow and how he breathes through his noses as she gives him her words. He sighs:
“What about this : i will look into our confidential archives every now and then. You look into the library. If i find something i will tell you as much as the rules allows me to.”
Her heart beats faster, because that’s the nicest thing Lan Qiren ever done to her, and he has absolutely no reason for him to be ; she was -and is not- very kind with him. He hates her, and has good reasons for it. Better reasons that she has for hating him, at the very least.
“Why would you do that for me?”
“Do not hold grudge. Morality is the priority Make sure to act virtuously . Be strict on yourself. Be easy on other, Perform acts of chivalry…”
Oh he is reciting the Lan rules! For once, she finds utility to it. That’s still an awful lot of rules, but if it makes Lan Qiren helps her, she won’t spat on it. And it’s something she can actually believes the man will respect and not betray even if it cost him his life. It seems even worse than before though and Cangse Sanren still thinks he should buy himself a personality instead of relying so much on rules to have one, but heh, she is not that rude, to say it aloud.
“Thank you,” she says, then.
He nods. He still has Sect leader duty to do, though, and after making sure she is well settled in the library pavillon and has what she needs, he leaves, taking his two nephews with him, unfortunately.
“I need to organize the ritual for your son too.”
A-Ying is saddened over the departure of his friends, and he asks Lan Huan if they will come back to play. Lan Huan looks at his uncle, a silent question on his face, and somehow manages to read something under all the grumpiness that his Lan Qiren :
“Yes, we will. Right A-Zhan?”
A-Zhan still hides behind his brother, so Cangse Sanren can’t see his reaction, but A-Ying beams, so she supposes it is a positive one.
Studying in the library is not funny for a kid, but A-Ying is surprisingly well behaved for the rest of the day. He plays with the kitten, then in the garden when he really needs to runs and shouts, and when he is tired, lies near his mother to draw on paper. He is not an exemplary Lan, but he is way calmer than Cangse Sanren is, and was at his age. And at one point he pulls out his mother’s sleeve and shows him his work:
His first talisman!
It’s a little bit clumsy, and the writing is really, really crappy, and the spell make no sense, but who cares? Wait are these the characters I wrote on his skin? Her son doesn’t even know how to write his own name yet, and he still managed to copy these complex words all on his own! She can’t be anything but proud.
“Do you want me to teach you how to do talisman?” She asks him with a smile.
“Yeah!”
It’s a little bit hard, since the boy doesn’t know how to read or write yet, and they have to rely on his ability to copy things he doesn’t get, but they make a do. She even starts to teach him some characters, so he can help with her researches.
The ritual, that very first night goes well. A-Ying is reluctant at the idea to go to bed at 9PM, and even more without the scriptures on his skin, but repeating him that the monster can’t come thanks to the wards around Cloud Recesses helps. He doesn’t complain the next night, and she makes sure he is too tired to stay up any longer.
The first few nights, Cangse Sanren insistes to stay up and tries to discuss with the Lan playing, only to be kindly -but firmly- pushed away because she gets in the way of their work.
It is way too hard to just stand here, silent, looking at her sleeping son, expecting a sign in his feature that would indicate pain or relief -anything- in vain. She can’t stand the silence ; it mocks her, it shows her how empty her mind is right now, void of any solutions and how her researches are stuck in a slump. She just have to wait and hope for this to work and she is very bad at it ; her brain is making theories and imagine the worst that could happen instead.
So she make herself busy. She writes letters to her family in Lotus Pier (to keep them informed), does her exercise for her spine injury...and watches the incense burner, trying to imagine what it could be, what it could do. She even lights it, one day, and wait for something to happen. In vain.
What Baoshan Sanren thought when she made something this ugly?
Sometimes, her teacher likes to add secret mechanism to her creations. Mostly because the immortal surrounds herself with kids ; so she usually always hide what is dangerous in those, or leaves instruction carved on the -okay- tools. But Cangse Sanren finds none on this one. Maybe because it is too old, older than her teacher’s exil on the mountain, hence her adoption habit and what came with it.
So she pushes the artefact away and decides to investigate on it only when she returns to Lotus Pier, once again. She already asked Lan Qiren if that would be okay and he made her sign some paper with her blood, promising the Sect to return it once she’s done with it, and the clear instruction of how this tool works.
One evening, she is relieved to recognize the Lan who welcomed them in, ready to start the ritual. She jumps on the occasion to have someone to talk to. She babbles about anything, she inquires the name of the man, if she will see him again, regularly (apparently he will be the first shift every now and then), and when she runs up of subject to talk...She finds more:
“Why is Lan Zhan not speaking?”
The little boy is growing on her ; and on A-Ying. A-Ying tends to babble before sleeping and tell his parents “big secret” ; and since he’s been at Cloud Recesses the subject of all these little moment has been Lan Zhan. The cutest one was when he stated to his mother, dead serious, that he finally got why Cloud Recesses was named Cloud Recesses : “Because playing with Lan Zhan is like playing with a cloud!”
Kid’s logic is sometimes the cutest.
“Ah. You met our two young masters,” simply says the Lan with a smirk.
Gossip is forbidden at Cloud Recesses -she is pretty sure of it- as much as talking behind one’s back. But apparently this Lan is not a very good Lan, and he resumes:
“Well, nothing is wrong with the second master’s body. There’s a rule which instruct us to be careful with our words, some elders don’t hesitate to use the silencing spell to make children understand this one. Maybe he is just reflecting on it right now. Or maybe he just doesn’t have anything interesting to say to us. So far he is an exemplary Lan child, lot of elders are very proud of him and parents want to have such good kids as him or his brother.”
“You too?” She smiles, because he might have explained that he just recently got married earlier while they talked.
He blushes and nods:
“I’m too young to be a father yet. But when we do have a child...I suppose i would want them to be themselves rather than...”
She laughs.
“Yeah, my husband used to say that the only way to make sure you never break any of all those rules is to be dead.”
The Lan smirks, despite himself, and adds:
“That’s a bit extreme but true. Maybe the correct way is to do as the second young master and say nothing at all.”
Good point again! He seems to understand that what is saying is not very Lan, and corrects himself:
“Well. Anyways. Our second young master manages to get himself understood, isn’t what matters? It will be problematic if it keeps on, but he is still young, and not received his ribbon yet, he can take his time.”
That’s another good point.
She can’t ask further, though, as the shift is over and the next Lan is arriving with a flute.
“You should go to bed too, you need rest just as much as your son does.”
She obeys him, because he is a kind Lan. Unfortunately, she does not see him in the following days and so, can’t ask him more. So instead she put all her renewed efforts on her activities of the day : researches and babysitting.
Lan Huan is currently learning how to form a core but the morning session is dedicated for studies, he says. With the authorization of his uncle, he spends half of his day in the library with his brother, so he is by her side too. Lan Qiren doesn’t seems to like the idea very much, and checks on them regularly. Though there’s no need, thank you very much Cangse Saren is working, her son is playing with Lan Zhan and they’re all very well behaved!
Mostly because she puts warning talisman all around and knows when he is near, so she can warns everyone to act naturally -which is, not very effective, let’s be honest.
At the very least there is no drama yet and Lan Huan is a very kind and helpful boy with teaching A-Ying how to read too.
“Uncle and me we’re already teaching A-Zhan” he explains to her when she asks.
And given how the boy is mute all the time, only nodding and pointing things he doesn’t get to his older brother, she gets why he can’t study with everyone else. Lan are great, but not very good with exceptions and special treatments. Besides, she is pretty sure, thanks to her researches, that parents are supposed to teach their kids this, and not the clan. They become responsible of disciples only when they start their training for their core and receive the sacred headband.
She read it somewhere...huh. Where?
Lan Zhan is a good kid too, but he has the tendency to tidy up the room he is in. So he does it here while she works, too. Which is worrying because that means the Lan brainwashing takes place before they even puts a ribbon on their forehead! Cangse Sanren can’t work in a tidied room, she needs her organized mess to think! Fortunately, A-Ying is really good at making a mess of what Lan Zhan tidied. Which seems to annoy Lan Zhan a lot, and is apparently A-Ying’s current strategy. She should, as his mother, probably tells him that you can’t annoy someone until they love you. But she really wants to keep the scrolls on her desk for more than ten seconds. Too bad, the mess that A-Ying makes is not organized the way his mother wants it to be.
“Lan Zhan!”
A-Ying calls the boy again, for no reason, just to make him look in his direction. Lan Zhan is starting to understand that, and hence has develops a new strategy too. He puts his hands on his ears, closes his eyes and walks away as fast as Cloud Recesses allows it.
Which often leads to a lot of accident with furnitures.
Fortunately Cangse Sanren’s ribbon is also starting to answer like some spiritual devices, and is very useful to grab the kid when he falls down. She is very glad Yu Ziyuan and her spends so much time on the road, as her new sworn sister gave her some trick about whips as a weapon because for now, she still had to throw it. Only the tip curves under the spiritual energy, holding enough strength to pinch, twirl around, and hold things tiny things. Like children of four to five like Lan Zhan and A-Ying.
It is also useful to get a scroll she can’t reach without hopping on her sword. Occasionally.
The only down side of this technique is that it makes the kitten go wild. He tries to chase it, and often get scared when the spiritual tool moves back, making him flying with limbs shaking and meowing like mad. A-Ying finds it very funny, especially when the kitty rolls on the ground and hit every furniture while fleeing, only to stop and come back to hunt the thing down before an incense stick is over.
“He is like you Lan Zhan!” He points out.
It is apparently, the comment that decides Lan Zhan to drop his past strategy of running away.
Lan Huan likes the kitten too. Until the little monster manages to sneak in and pulls somehow his forehead ribbon -which means, if Cangse Sanren had done her researches right, he had to marry the cat now.
“It’s not funny…” Mushes Lan Huan, with tears in his eyes when it happens. And Cangse Sanren tries very hard to not laugh and comfort him.
And it’s very, very hard.
“It’s okay, Lan Huan,” she says. “Let me tell you one thing ; it could be worse. I mean do you know the tradition of the rooster?”
It’s Lan Zhan and A-Ying who shake their heads, and they sit right in front of her, suddenly very attentive. Lan Zhan has even brought the cat back, it sit on his laps. Lan Huan despite the awful betrayal he went through, pets him, making the little beast purr. Such a good little Lan! Very forgiving. Cangse Sanren appreciates the silent audience and resumes the story :
“Figures. Well you see, girls are often bound to marriage with boy when they’re little.”
“Like A-Li!” Explains A-Ying with a smile. “I miss her.”
“Me too, A-Ying. But yeah like A-Li! So anyways...You see the date of the marriage is often set up way ahead, on a perfect date to bless the couple with good fortune. But you know sometimes life gets in the way, huh? Well i don’t know what they do when the bride can’t make it to the ceremony...But when the boy is busy...Elsewhere.”
“Like where?”
“A-Ying, let me finish the story. Well when the boy is busy...The tradition is for the boy to give the bride a replacement during the ceremony. And it’s usually a rooster!”
The three boys gasp.
“The fatter the better!” She concludes.
“Marry Impossible, Lan Huan! It’s better!” Adds A-Ying. “And if you marry, it makes you related to me! Lan Zhan too! It’s great!”
“Can i marry no one?”
A-Ying is indigned and takes back his kitten, which does not agree with him and fights valiantly to stay on Lan Zhan’s laps.
“My kitty is too good for you!” He states, when he finally manages to get his pet back.
Cangse Sanrne lets him pout, and assures Lan Huan :
“Of course it’s okay sweetie. No one can force you to marry the cat -or anyone. Don’t worry your secret is safe with me. I will be as silent as your little brother!”
Hearing his name Lan Zhan’s head perks up, and he nods, patting his older brother’s back in agreement.
After that incident the little boy is a more cautious and lets his little brother braid the tail of his sacred ribbon with his hair to make sure it doesn't’ happen again. Sometimes when she sees the boy pets the cat in the corner of the room, while Lan Zhan writes under his guidance and A-Ying fakes to do the same, Cangse Sanren really wants to whisper “taking care of your fiancé?”. But she doesn’t. Because she is an adult and not a bully.
It’s hard being an adult. She wishes her husband -or Jiang Fengmian- were here to be the adult in her stead. Or at least to witness how adult she is acting right now and shower her with praises. Once upon a time, people would not believe she could act as well as she is right now! Especially in Cloud Recesses of all places she could be terrible. She don’t know how Lan manage to stay here, though, with all those rules and duty and plain food (even if she doesn’t miss her husband’s hot-as-hell-meal), and this awful boring schedule.
As long as it make them happy, once said Jiang Fengmian, when she complained about the exact same thing to him, in the exact same place as she is now, back when they were a teens. “ Some people needs freedom like you, and some people needs order,” Had added Wei Changze, after his best friend . “Whatever works for them is good, don’t you think? Happiness is hard enough to achieve for anyone, better not judge how one gets it.”
“As long as they don’t hurt anyone or threaten one’s peace while doing so.” Concluded Jiang Fengmian.
She didn’t quite get it, back then, but now, as she watches A-Ying play with Lan Huan and Lan Zhan, she feels like she is close. Not quite yet, but almost. Her husband and best friends had always been wiser than her. But, at the same time, she can’t help but think that it is not really hard to be.
Notes:
...I've got a surprise for you all...Next chapter point of view will be...WEI YING's His first pov of the story <3 So proud of the little baby <3
As always I'm all ears about your thoughts, theories and opinions =DHere is my usual thoughts and questions for you all :
-I can't help imagine Baoshan Sanren's art skill smilier to Edward Elric in the manga FMA, like "yeah you're super awesome and it's definitely takes genius and work, but man this is bad"...But you're of course free tom imagine it differently xD I like to desacralize immortals and gods a bit too much (influence of Heaven official's blessing probably...)
-The Lan is back! He's going to be there in the background for a while, hope you'll like him ^^ He is not technically an OCs as he is part of the characters that we know existed but we never get to meet (guess who =D) and I can continue to define him only by his name + title/role later (I know I can, I have like ten chapter in stock xD) but are you okay with that? Or would you rather have him be named ? I leave this choice up to you!
Also, I asked you last time what you would want to see in Chinese in the text, and here are the results :
-Name (pets, mostly, I might give places their Chinese name with translation if it's relevant to the story / allow me to play with words) :
Donkey -> Xiao Luzi (Little Donkey)
Kitty -> Zuo budao / Bu Ke Neng ? (Impossible ?)
-Swords and secondary weapons :CSSR's sword : Ziyou (Freedom) + Duandai (Ribbon)
WCZ's sword : Secret ;)
JFM's sword : Héping (Peace)
YZY's sword : Du Zhizhu (Poisonous/ Fierce Spider) + Zidian (whip)-Titles (Zewu-Jun, Hanguang-Jun...And I suppose Yiling Laozu ?)
I will so now use these Chinese words (pardon me if I get it wrong, and please tell me how to fix my mistake if I ever do a mistranslation/mistake) Their meaning/translation in italics in the text, with a majuscule, if I need their English counterparts for narrative reasons.
Chapter 22: A smile worth fighting for!
Notes:
Hi everyone, thank you once again for your amazing support and kudos <3 I hope you're all doing okay, and you're all safe. =) I leave you here with the first Wei Ying's poverties of the fic (after 22 chapters...).
Good news too : I've got a beta reader, he is currently correcting the first 10 chapters of this fic !! (And doing an amazing job!) With this help I hope this fic will be more pleasant to read for English native speakers =)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A-Ying isn’t sure if his mommy is all right. She’s acting strange, sometimes laughing and playing like usual, tickling him and kissing his tummy until he cries, and sometimes she is totally lost writing on paper and testing things. It is usually daddy who brings her out of this state. A-Ying misses his daddy (and A-Li and A-Cheng, and Uncle, even angry Auntie…) And daddy is not there. So he tries to do it in his stead; it doesn’t work. He is too tiny, and doesn’t have enough force to make her move. Even when he puts the kitty on her lap, it doesn’t work, instead she simply pats his head and smiles.
“Why don’t you go play outside?”
“Is mommy okay?” He asks.
Because he won’t go if she is not. A-Ying might not be a cultivator yet, but he wants to protect her too. Especially because he feels like it’s his fault she is like this; she is looking for a way to defeat the monster, right? Or is she still mad, like she was in the forest? Or is it because he lied? He doesn’t know. He’s afraid to ask. But he will defend her because someone has to, right? Especially now that she can’t run away anymore, and daddy is not here!
“I’m okay, sweetheart. I just have a lot of work.” She says, kissing the top of his head.
A-Ying doesn’t know if it’s a lie, because she does look busy. But she said that the monster was not allowed in Cloud Recesses, and it turned out true. She also told him he would have no more nightmares, even without the ink on his skin, and that happened too. Lately, she doesn’t lie so much. He likes that.
“I can help you work!” He states. Because that’s what he’s done the past few days! He is good at it, he even made some talismans like a grown up! Even though it doesn't work yet because he is not a grown up, he got a lot of compliments from mommy.
Lan Huan and Lan Zhan made some too, and they had a battle with fake-talismans yesterday. It was very fun!
Now he really wants to play with Lan Zhan and Lan Huan. He is so close to making the other one laugh, he just knows it. He has a lot of plans to make him laugh! He is much harder to deal with than A-Cheng and A-Li. Sometimes, A-Ying misses them, and wonders when he will be back home. How long is a month exactly? He asks as much, and his mommy frowns.
“It’s only been five days. We still have twenty-five days to go. That’s...Five times more.”
A-Ying is not sure what it means; except that it will take forever. He hopes mommy won’t work for a month, and that she is almost over with her work, he wants to play with her too. He misses her and it's strange because she is not away like daddy, but just right in front of him!
“Do you not like Lan Huan and Lan Zhan?”
A-Ying frowns again, because this is not true. Lan Huan is super sweet, like A-Li, but A-Li shows that she is sweet, she gives hugs, she is all soft, smells nice, and she cooks dishes. All Lan Huan does is teach him how to write and it’s boring to sit still for so long. He doesn’t laugh like A-Li when he sticks his tongue at him and makes silly faces, instead he tells A-Ying to continue writing. A-Li also lets him play with Jiang Cheng, and with her. He can run and be loud, and tickle, or have mud fights. While Lan Huan is not very okay with all of that, even if he smiles.
And Lan Zhan...Well…
On one hand, it’s annoying how the boy does not play along with A-Ying like his parents do, or A-Cheng and A-Li. But on the other hand, they play new things that are funny too, and it’s so challenging to make him look A-Ying’s way! It’s difficult but it means it’s even greater than great when A-Ying manages to do it. They’re like always playing chase all the time!
And Lan Zhan is certainly the third most beautiful person in the world A-Ying ever seen, right after his Daddy and Mommy. It would be so awesome to have a friend as pretty as him! But Lan Zhan doesn’t seem to like him a lot. Which is weird because usually everybody likes A-Ying.
Except that one time in the forest, when Mommy called him a monster and looked angry. But he tries not to think about that. Daddy says you have to forget what hurts to be happy, and Mommy says it’s important to always be happy.
Anyways, he is not used to not being liked! He is not used to people not talking, too, nor people not liking hugs. A-Cheng says he doesn’t like hugs, but it must be a lie, since he always looks upset at A-Li when she gives one to someone else, and scowls until she gives him one too!
Lan Zhan is truly a mystery. He is like a cloud! All white and fluffy and far away, but still close.A-Ying also doesn’t know how he keeps his robe so clean all the time. A-Ying can’t do that, all he has to do is look away one second and poof! There’s a stain on his robe! It’s magic. Lan Zhan surely knows how to do magic even though he is not a grown up yet. A-Ying wants to know how he can befriend him. He has plans for it. And once they’re friends, best friends even, they will...Well probably do exactly what they’re been doing the past five days, but better?
A-Ying has no time to wonder much about it, as Lan Qiren arrives with his nephews in the Library pavillon. He spots Lan Zhan immediately, and runs -
”No running at Cloud Recesses!” barks grumpy old man.
-walks fast to the other boys.
“Let’s play hide and seek!” He proposes to Lan Huan with a blinding smile as soon as he reaches them.
“Okay.”
The older boy takes two baby flutes out of his pocket. It’s more of a whistle, in A-Ying’s opinion, than a flute. It’s in case they get lost, he explains. A-Ying thinks it’s more for Lan Zhan than A-Ying, because if A-Ying is lost he can scream and be heard. But he takes the gift anyways. Lan Zhan nods and puts it around his neck.
“Be back before lunch time,” orders the grumpy old man to Lan Huan.
A-Ying kisses his mommy good bye and goes into the garden. Just before leaving, he looks at Lan Zhan and sees how he stares at the Kitten on mommy’s lap. He almost forgot! He goes to pet the kitten, and tells him to guard his mommy while he is away. Someone has to guard her after all. Lan Zhan’s expression shifts and it’s funny. What, did he hope Impossible would play with them? Does he like his kitty? Well too bad, Lan Huan missed the opportunity to marry into his family and have it!
Smirking, A-Ying joins the two boys.
“I’m the one counting,” proposes Lan Huan.
It’s great, because A-Ying isn’t sure he can count past twenty, and twenty is not enough time to hide well. Plus, Lan Zhan can only count in his head, which is okay too, but unfair. How do they know when to hurry if they can’t hear him count?
“One...Two…” begins Lan Huan, hiding his eyes.
Ah! A-Yings panics and hurries. Lan Zhan is already gone, the traitor! So he has to act and think fast or he will lose! The first round, A-Ying decides to climb a tree, and surely it’s a nice idea, because A-Huan doesn’t think to look up. He passes several times underneath his feet without noticing. It is very hard not to giggle. Lan Zhan is found quite fast by his brother, and he clings to him as they both search for A-Ying.
A-Ying notices how Lan Zhan plays with his brother’s ribbon tails, braiding them into his brother’s hair. This makes him laugh, because A-Ying is the one who showed him how to braid hair, back when the kitty took his brother’s ribbon! He learned so well and fast! But he is also a bit jealous because it took A-Ying super long to do so, when A-Li taught him. A-Ying’s first attempts were just twirled hair together!
Lan Zhan is surely smart, if he can understand how to braid faster than A-Ying. Mommy always says that A-Ying is smart after all. So why is he not talking already? It’s like the first thing A-Ying learned to do. It’s not that complicated. As he is pondering why, Lan Zhan’s eyes go up, and he spots him.
For a moment, A-Ying’s breath stops. Oh no! He is going to tell his brother!
He quickly puts a finger in front of his lips and hushes the boy to keep quiet -which is quite stupid, now that he thinks about it- But to his surprise, Lan Zhan repeats the movement, and nods, before goes back to braiding his brother’s hair.
Wow! It is so unlikely that he almost falls from his spot, and unfortunately his movement makes Lan Huan look up.
“Found you, Wei Wuxian.”
Ah crap. Well, he still won somehow, since he is the last one to be found? Could he make a run for it? He didn’t think about the whole chase problem. He supposes he can’t do that, and gets down. It’s Lan Zhan’s turn to count, and the boy starts blowing into the flute to show which number he is at. Which is okay, A-Ying thinks.
Until it goes past twenty and he finds it hard to know how much time he has left to hide. Panicking a bit, he runs to the tree's shade. He finds a couple of bushes and crawls underneath, waiting.
He waits. And waits.
He waits for so long that he gets bored. Did he run too far off? Lan Zhan is not very good at Hide and seek. A-Cheng is better at finding him. Well, No, A-Cheng is not. But his future brother (if Lan Zhan becomes his best friend, then A-Cheng has to be his brother!) would already be screaming left and right to “get out this instant!”, and it would be fun because that way A-Ying would know where he is and could tease him, running around in circles and making him believe he is there when he is not! Anyways he is bored and it is taking too long and-Oh!
Bunnies!
He spots two, maybe more, not so far away. They’re super fluffy! Maybe if A-Ying is cautious and doesn’t make a sound he can catch them? He is pretty good at catching animals, his daddy showed him how! He catches his kitty super easily each time and doesn’t even get scratched in the process, unlike when Lan Huan does it!
Since Lan Zhan is not finding him, he can take a moment to catch them. Oh! And maybe he can offer one to him, that way the boy will smile and maybe say thank you! A-Ying noticed how he looked at his kitty, surely he would love to have a pet of his own!
Best idea ever , A-Ying decides, as he gets out. Though he makes some noises and alerts the bunnies, who run off. Not fast enough for A-Ying to not notice the weird tiny headbands on their heads.
Does everyone here have a headband but Lan Zhan and him? Lan Huan said it’s because his brother is too tiny, but these bunnies are even tinier! And why can’t A-Ying have one? He is staying a full month here after all, and that’s a very very long time! He will have to ask his mommy to make him one. But not blue! Red! Yeah, a red ribbon! He likes the cloud pattern, but uncle said that the lotus is the emblem of daddy’s sect. And he likes lotuses! Especially in a soup. Can he have a pattern of a lotus soup on his ribbon, with tiny clouds above to show it’s hot?
He wonders what he would look like with it (maybe he won’t put it on his forehead though, it looks super inconvenient, Lan Huan has to put it back every time it’s crooked), as he chases after the bunnies. Before long he arrives in front of a beautiful river.
There’s not many rules A-Ying has to follow but being cautious near water is one of them. His daddy is super worried about it; and he even scolded him when he played dead with A-Cheng and A-Li.
But that’s not why he stops.
The monster is standing here, his feets in the water. He looks at him and doesn’t move at all. He is made of dark clouds and the flute music is screeching, mixing with the sound of the water all around. He has so many faces, yet all his eyes are fixed on A-Ying.
A-Ying hates that.
Mommy said the monster couldn’t get in Cloud Recesses. Grumpy old man said the monster can’t hurt him. But still, A-Ying is scared.
So, So Scared . Adults can lie, after all.
He can see the monster's body melting, faces drooping from it like mud, in tiny little screams. At his feet, there are two bunnies. It’s like they can’t see him. Nobody can see the monster, as usual. But he is right here! He has to save the bunnies!
Mommy said the monster can’t get in! He thinks. He takes a step in his direction, cautious. Grumpy old man said you can’t hurt me!
The monster stares, and all his eyes follow A-Ying. But he doesn’t move. A-Ying can feel his heart beating so fast in his chest, it’s covering everything else, even the sound of the flute. But he can move, unlike when he is sleeping.
Someone has to protect mommy from the monster too! He just knows she’s like that because he is there! Maybe if A-Ying isn’t afraid of him anymore, he will go away for good? Daddy always says that monsters are stronger if you are scared of them. So he is not scared!
He is terrified. He is in denial.
The monster moves. A shiver runs through A-Ying’s body, he falls on his butt, at the edge of the river. Immediately he takes a little bit of mud to draw the scriptures on his clothes with shaking hands. It’s cold! It’s freezing! He can’t remember much, but he writes as much as possible and as fast as he can.
The two bunnies are so close, almost a hair's breadth away, both from the monster and A-Ying.
The monster is glaring at him, yet it just stands there and stares, while the whole forest seems to grow silent and dark. A-Ying doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t get how he can look so dangerous and scary, yet also alone and sad, while doing nothing. It helps the boy gather his courage.
A-Ying can move. He can do it. He knows he can. He throws a bit of mud to scare the bunnies away from the monster.
“I’m not afraid of you!” He says, his voice shaking.
The monster’s head bends a little bit to the left, he seems to curl on himself, melting. It works! It works!
A-Ying snatches the two bunnies in his arms and runs away.
He hears the sound of the flute again, and his hands can’t reach his ears because of the bunnies he’s carrying, so he closes his eyes fast, so strongly it hurts his head, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want to see. Go away! Go away!
Then suddenly something hit his back. He stumbles on his feet, gasping. A-Ying’s eyes open. It doesn’t hurt at all. He looks back. All he sees is white and blue.
“Lan Zhan!”
The boy is pushing him and doesn’t stop until they are far away from the river. Far away from the monster. Until the creature disappears behind the bushes. A-Ying’s heart is beating so fast in his chest, as if he ran all the way around Lotus Pier. They stop, and Lan Zhan looks very serious. As if A-Ying did something wrong.
A-Ying knows he did something very wrong. He got near the monster. He saw the monster in the first place. He shouldn’t be seeing monsters. That’s why mommy is worried and crying. But the monster didn’t attack, he was just standing there and being creepy. And he got out okay. So maybe it’s okay to not tell mommy? He doesn’t want mommy to cry and tell him lies like, “it’s okay”. And he doesn’t want Lan Zhan to worry too, he wants him to like him, not to see him being scared. So A-Ying smiles back and forces himself to laugh.
“You found me!”
Maybe his voice is a little bit too shaky, and maybe he really feels like bawling his eyes out right now, so it’s already a miracle he is saying actual words.
Lan Zhan hesitates, surprised, but nods nonetheless. He opens his mouth, as if he is about to say something, and A-Ying’s heart beats faster, but Lan Zhan closes it without making a sound in the end. He shows the way out of the forest instead, and walks behind him.
In a few steps they are back at the library garden, and Lan Huan is waiting for them, with a big smile.
“You found him, good job A-Zhan.”
They are safe. A-Ying is not sure how it worked out. He looks around and sees no monster again. Maybe it stayed at the river? Maybe it’s gone forever? He can’t help but hope. Now that he feels safe surrounded by others, he can’t help but feel proud too; he fought back! He didn’t let the monster win! He protected the bunnies!
Bunnies!
Apparently Lan Huan and Lan Zhan also notice the bunnies in his arms and they stare.
“Where did you find these little ones?” Asks Lan Huan, taking one in his hands, his eyes widening at the sight of little ribbons on their heads. “Having pets is forbidden in Cloud Recesses…”
A-Ying opens his mouth. Even bunnies?! But that’s so unfair! He went through all these troubles, and a monster, to get one for Lan Zhan! And Lan Zhan surely looks happy! He glances at the little black one like it’s a treasure. They can’t take it away!
“Everything is forbidden at Cloud Recesses, what’s new?”
Mommy’s head perks up, through the pavillon’s window, and she smiles as she notices the little bunnies.
“So cute!”
Without warning she gets out, flying on her sword and lands near them. A-Ying can’t be happier; did she finish working? Is it time to play already? She looks so happy! Maybe it’s because I fought the monster, he thinks, but he thinks back because mommy doesn’t know he did. When she does find out, maybe she will be proud! Besides if A-Ying lies to her again she said she would be worried, angry, and disappointed! So he can’t do that!
I will tell her , he decides, tonight before sleeping!
And she will be proud, and stop worrying and everything is going to be okay, for real this time!
“What are you doing, don’t jump out of the window!”
Grumpy old man comes down to the garden too, looking angry (but he always does) and scolds mommy. Then his eyes fall on the bunnies and he frowns.
“Pets are-”
“Oops too late!”
She puts one bunny in Lan Zhan’s arms. That’s mommy, so fast!
“Cangse Sanren…”
“Oh come on, Lan Qiren, it’s okay. It’s not like they’re going to adopt them! And look, they’re already wearing tiny headbands. Someone has been breaking this rule already. Maybe you should look for them, while...you know. We keep the evidence here. In our arms. Petting the , making sure nothing happens.”
Grumpy old man turns all red and angry, it’s funny. Lan Huan puts his own bunny on the ground, intimidated. But Lan Zhan does not, it’s like he is not listening anymore, caressing the black bunny in his lap. A-Ying sits next to him, very happy, the monster forgotten.
He made Lan Zhan look like that! It’s not a smile, but almost!
“I caught them for you.” He brags. “I think they’re cute!”
“Mn. Cute.”
No one speaks. They all stare, their eyes wide, mouths hanging open. No one spoke, except for Lan Zhan. And Lan Zhan’s voice is almost as beautiful as his daddy’s voice, A-Ying immediately decides.
It’s not a smile, it’s better!
“A-Zhan…”
Lan Huan is awed. Grumpy old man looks not-angry for the first time since A-Ying met him. And it’s all thanks to A-Ying! He can’t help but beam. Mommy is even prouder, she snuggles A-Ying into her arms and tickles him with kisses.
“That’s my boy! Look at this little miracle! Lan Zhan, your voice is beautiful!”
Lan Zhan doesn't do a second miracle, too focused on the bunny in his lap.
Mommy seems to find this funny too, because she says, a laugh in her voice,
“You want to keep it? I could build you a shelter for them. I don’t look like it but I’m very good at building stuff!”
“That’s true! Mommy is always the one making camp!”
Lan Zhan looks up to them, and there’s a second gasp from Lan Huan and grumpy Uncle.
“Pets are-” Starts Grumpy old man again, but he stops as he stares at Lan Zhan. His lips are thin, as if he is biting it. Mommy nods and answers,
“Yeah, I know I know it’s like the hundredth time you’ve said that! But I could make a shelter, and you know, not put them inside. Wild bunnies could choose to use it or not. It would technically not be counted as pets, right?”
“Really?”
It’s Lan Huan who talks this time, and he turns to his uncle, expectantly. Lan Zhan’s eyes are on him too. A-Ying joins in with his mommy. With so many praying eyes, no one can resist, he knows it. Not even Grumpy uncle! And surely, the man grumbles, but A-Ying can feel that he is hesitating .
“Don’t teach my nephews how to bend the rules! Rules are not avoidable. It makes sure things stay the same; in order!”
“I’m not! Those rabbits were already in Cloud Recesses, were they not? Don’t you have bird houses all around for Feng Shui? Are those birds pets, or simply visitors? Shouldn’t you be a good host? Isn’t that in the rules too?”
He looks at her, and his eyes scream I hate you so much , words he can’t say without breaking his beloved rules, fortunately. But when he does look at his nephew, his gaze changes and turns different. If Lan Qiren didn’t embody the stone in which Gusu’s rules were carved, and was instead ice, Cangse Sanren would’ve said he had melted. He gives up and whispers,
“I suppose...you’re right. It’s not a pet if you leave the shelter in the open.” He adds to the boys; “But those rabbits are not being put in it. They will choose to remain there on their own. If other wild animals make the shelter its house, you’ll have to accept it.”
Victory! A-Ying turns to Lan Zhan to celebrate this with him and his heart stops. Lan Zhan is smiling. It’s a tiny smile. But it’s a smile! And it’s so beautiful! It’s like when the sun appears behind a cloud! It’s all warm and fuzzy and blinding. He can understand why he doesn’t smile that much, it’s because no one could say no to that smile, it’s like magic!
It’s a smile worth fighting the monsters , A-Ying decides.
Notes:
Next chapter...We're back to Lotus Pier for a short break, with Jiang Fengmian, Wei Changze and Yu Ziyuan...!
Chapter 23: Love at first strike...?
Notes:
Thank you for your support as always ^^ I hope that you're all well and safe =D Thank you for taking the time to read my story and comment on it every time despite the state the world is in right now. It really means a lot <3 So thank you.
This chapter was beta-read and edited by Fraudulent_Moose! He is doing an amazing job, having beta-read the first ten chapters already and still editing the new ones =D It's thanks to him you have a better reading experience.
I hesitated for this chapter title, as in French, love at first strike is translated "Coup de foudre" which would mean "Hit by thunder"...And you all know Zidian... But the English expression made more sense with the beginning of the chapter...So no French for ya' this time =o
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lotus Pier is not famous for it’s strict schedule. Jiang Fengmian’s training doesn’t start as early as the Lan’s. He also gives days offs from time to time. Yesterday, Wei Changze looked awful, and so he gave his best friend one.
It is a mistake, but he doesn’t know that yet.
Yu Ziyuan has been angry since this morning too, and so they both ended up in the courtyard, like last time, surrounded by disciples, while they duel her anger away. It is a pleasant fight; his wife is powerful, he always knew that. But she relies too much on her zidian; most of her moves with a sword are altered to allow her to whip her opponent, which opens her flanks. Jiang Fengmian, on the other hand, perfectly mastered the sword technique of Yunmeng, as he should. He is fast and deadly, never defensive; their sect avoids with pirouettes more than they parry. Which means their duel is nothing but strong blows, one after another, which leave all the disciples gasping and holding their breath in turns. He will have to make them remember that martial artists control their respiration all the time, after this. But right now he can’t lose focus or he will lose for real.
Yu Ziyuan does it again, as she manages to make him jump back, she extends her arms and deploys Zidian to catch him. But it was a feint on his part; she always fell for that, as she never used feints or stunts herself. Jiang Fengmian doesn’t land where she expects him to, and instead of avoiding her once again, he rushes back right into the fight. She has an advantage in mid-distance battles, and they both know it.
Their swords clash. Despite her bad posture when he counter-attacked, she immediately finds a way to protect her weak point, her feet perfectly aligned to endure the blow and push it back. Women are weaker than Men; they are lightweight and so can’t win a battle of strength. It is certainly true, against a man and a woman who follow the same training regimens, but this is not the case for Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. This rule does not apply to them, they are polar opposite even in martial art. Jiang prefers swift movements; if you keep avoiding being hit, and are fast enough to give millions of little cuts to your adversary, then you will win in the end. He is quick and has more stamina than her while she is stronger and bolder. Yu Ziyuan is a Yu, her clan valued strength; if you hit your opponent one time, and hit strong enough to make them faint, you win, if you do not, it just means you didn’t hit hard enough and you need to continue, until you do. She perfectly gets that. Once she starts hitting: she does not stop.
So when she manages to repel him, he knows she will strike. He does not have enough strength to parry her blow, and is in a bad position to avoid. So he uses another trick up his sleeve: when her sword hits his, he voluntarily lets it drop sideways, relaxing his grip on it. Not enough to be disarmed, but enough for his lady’s sword to glide against his blade all the way to the ground without dealing any intended damage on him.
She grumbles at that, but he notices the small smirk on her face. She liked this move. And he liked the way her eyes lighted up. She is beautiful , he can’t help but think. Even though they’re both covered in sweat and dust. His heart beats faster not because of the adrenaline, or the challenge she offers him; or maybe it does, but not only for that.
The hit on his support leg takes him by surprise, and he rolls away just in time to avoid Zidian once again, while she uses this opportunity to get her sword from its place in the ground. The tide changes, as they are back in middle-range combat, and she is clearly in a better position than him.
Sometimes, things don’t go as planned; in a good way, and despite his words he was a little bit worried about fighting his lady in front of everyone and losing. But so far they never managed to finish their duel enough to have a clear winner; and so the whole problem was avoided, this time is no exception.
It is Jiang Cheng that rushes to them, interrupting everything and stating: “Uncle is feeling bad!”. He drags his father all the way to the Wei Couple’s quarter, while Yu Ziyuan deals with the aftermath of this declaration with the disciples. For a moment, Jiang Fengmian considers the idea that this might be a game, yet again. But when he arrives in the room, Jiang Yanli is kneeling near Wei Changze, her soft features tainted by worry.
“What’s wrong?”
Wei Changze is lying on his bed, surrounded by his wife’s letters, and some books he already read, (Jiang Fengmian knows, he saw him all week long). He is awake, looking at the ceiling with as much expression as a dead fish.
“See!” Points out Jiang Cheng, very seriously. The, do something about it, is left unsaid. Sometimes, this boy is really acting like his mother.
“Wei Changze,” he scoffs. “Are you all right…?”
“I’m busy missing my wife and kid.” Is what Wei Changze answers.
Then he rolls to the side, and re-read the last letter Cangse Sanren sent them, it arrived just yesterday. Jiang Fengmian lets out a shaky breath, mildly annoyed; you interrupted a moment between me and my lady for this? But he is also rather concerned, as he knows perfectly what “this” is.
Jiang Yanli, not helping, nods sadly: “I miss A-Xian too.” Which, of course, makes A-Cheng sniff and lie “I don’t miss him!” All this commotion fortunately brings Yu Ziyuan there and she asks, raising one eyebrow at the scene.
“What are you doing?”
Jiang Fengmian sighs; “Making a scene, apparently.”
“I’m not. Leave me alone.”
Jiang Fengmian grew up with Wei Changze. The man has always been independent; so it takes him by surprise to see how clingy with his family he can be. Though as said earlier, he grew up with Wei Changze, and if the man had not been in such a state because he missed people before, he had been for other reasons. He should have known better and not given him the day off, it’s better for the man to always keep his mind busy.
“I’m afraid,” he explains to his children. “That uncle will spend the whole day moping and feeling miserable. And that there’s nothing we can do about it.”
A-Cheng and A-Li look distressed. Which prompts their mother to put her hands on her hips and scoff.
“That’s what we’ll see!”
She seizes his friend’s ankle and drags him all the way to the Lotus Pier. If Wei Changze wasn’t grumbling, “ Let me miss my wife and kid and cat. You said it’s my day off, I can do what I want!” some might think the Sect leader's wife is disposing of a body this early in the morning. Disciples watch the show carefully and pale significantly as they pass in front of them.
She throws his best friend to the river and the man floats to the surface with a heavy sigh.
“Are you done moping?” She asks him.
“Do I have a choice?”
“No.”
He lets himself sink, and A-Cheng jumps into the water immediately to pull him back, reminding him that it’s forbidden to play dead like this. “You said it!” he screams. “It makes A-Li sad!”. A-Li, the forever sweet kid, nods and repeats, playing along “Very sad.” only to add, a little manipulative “Do you want me to be sad, uncle?” which is a very low blow, when did she get this manipulative? Should he do something about it? He probably should do some parenting, right?
While Jiang Fengmian asks himself what he should do, one of the artisans from the city shyly approaches him.
“Excuse me, Sect Leader, might I talk to you about some matters?”
One incense stick later, Wei Changze is still drenched from head to toe, but he looks better, not laying lifeless in his room. Probably because Yu Ziyuan forbids him to go back in, and A-Cheng is currently guarding the place with his dogs very seriously. Instead he is laying on the wooden terrace, enjoying some sunshine, like...Some sort of plant. It’s good. A plant is better than whatever his previous state should be called.
“Are you done hiding from the world?” Jiang Fengmian asks him, sitting close.
“The world left me no choice.” Comments Wei Changze. “That’s low, Sect leader, you know I need my treat-myself-day. ”
Jiang Fengmian always hated those so called “ treat-myself-day” days, and the fact that Wei Changze calls it that, because from his point of view he absolutely does not look like his friend is treating himself kindly during those. So he’s not going to stop his wife from doing what she thinks is right. To be perfectly honest, she even did something he always dreamed to do, but never had the courage. Mostly because Jiang Fengmian always saw how hurt Wei Changze was whenever he entered this state and didn’t want to make the pain worsen.
Though, something does bother him with this whole situation. He remembers clearly the first time Wei Changze acted like this in front of him. They were not even friends, as the boy just arrived in the household to be a servant. To be quite frank, Jiang Fengmian hadn’t even noticed him before, as this new boy was always silent, not quite totally hiding in the shadows, but never stepping into the light enough to be noticed. Like some sort of strange human ghost. Some famous cultivators were there to visit and brought gift to Jiang Fengmian’s parents. The boy had been in charge to carry it from the famous visitors’ hands to the Sect Leader. Unfortunately when the gift was unwrapped they found the box empty. Immediately, people assumed it was the fault of the servant boy, despite the fact that he had carried the box under the eyes of everyone present in the room. He was severely punished and beaten down at the express demands of the invited cultivators. It was the first time Jiang Fengmian had looked at his father and thought, “This is wrong!” but his father told him: “You are to be a Sect Leader one day, sometimes you’ll have to act firmly like this, whether you like it or not. It’s important for you to learn this lesson.” Jiang Fengmian did learned a lesson, but not the one his father wanted him to; he learned that being angry and hasty was stupid, the gift was found the very same evening, untouched. Someone just forgot to put it in the gift box before wrapping it; the servant had been punished for nothing but misplaced pride and courtesy. That day Jiang Fengmian promised himself that, when he would be Sect leader, corporal punishments would be the very last option, only when you had serious proof against the culprit. He went to the little servant’s bedside at the infirmary to tell him how he would never allow this to happen to him ever again. He found Wei Changze rolled up in his blanket, in a state that would soon distress him. Jiang Fengmian remembered asking him what was wrong, what he was doing, like the naive child he was. He had never forgotten how Wei Changze curled up and sobbed “I want to disappear'', crying that the world would still be the same anyways, whether he was there or not, so he could at least, not be here to endure it.
JIang Fengmian felt powerless that day.
He tried his very best to comfort the boy and get him out of that cruel cycle. That’s how he befriended him in the end. He asked his father to have this one, and as they were about the same age and his father probably regretted his action, he accepted. What started out as pity quickly turned into genuine affection. They became close, Jiang Fengmian began to train him in secret so he could heal himself if he was ever beaten again, and by some luck, the servant boy revealed real talent for it, and had enough determination to become a cultivator too. It did not prevent Wei Changze’s mood drops though, and as their bond grew, Jiang Fengmian tried to find some tricks. Sometimes it helped telling Wei Changze that he was important, at least in Jiang Fengmian’s world. Sometimes it didn’t, and it was like talking to the void. The first time he promised him they would make the difference he seeked, as sect leader and his right-hand man, was because of such a crisis too.
Maybe the reason why Wei Changze ran away with Cangse Sanren isn’t only love, but also because of this need to disappear that never quite left his heart... Because his best friend failed to make this place worth staying, failed to convince him they would, that he could. This fear had never quite left Jiang Fengmian’s heart, even if he knows it’s not true.
Because these kinds of scenes happened several times during their childhood, Jiang Fengmian noticed a few things; first, when it happened, all he could do was either let the boy sleep all the bad feelings away, or keep his mind so busy he couldn’t think about it.
Second, is that there always was a trigger.
He doubted Cangse Sanren and Wei Ying’s absence were truly responsible for this very scene. After all, they left several days ago already. If it was the reason, it would have occurred sooner. He is afraid he knows exactly what it is; but also doubts himself, as Wei Changze would never hide something so big from him. But just in case he had, just in case his friend is in this state because he was gathering the courage to tell his Sect leader the truth, or think; Jiang Fengmian gives him an easy way out.
“What happened?”
“You know me too well,” Wei Changze sighs.
“I’ve been your friend for so long now,” he admits; “I’m not sure I remember how not to be...”
“How romantic. It’s because you say things like this people say such rumors about us.”
Jiang Fengmian sighs too.
“I would rather not have you play you Cangse Sanren right now. Please answer my question.”
Wei Changze’s face return to his emotionless state as he obeys.
“There was a letter delivered by an errand boy yesterday. It was addressed to Cangse Sanren”
That...is not what Jiang Fengmian expected, he is both relieved and intrigued. Wei Changze resumes.
“...But it was sealed the way we used to seal our letters, back when we were...flirting. So no one could read it without knowing the trick.”
“I see. That’s why we always managed to meet her on nighthunts by accident, back then.”
His past, very enamoured, teenager-self thought it was the mark of fate. Now he wants to laugh at the very idea, it’s a bit embarrassing to think he once was such a romantic. He blames Qingheng-Jun’s influence.
“So you opened it.”
“Yeah, I thought it was her making a prank on me. After all, who would write to her? We didn’t make that many friends traveling and we certainly told no one we were back at Lotus Pier yet.”
“And I suppose it’s not the case...Who sent it?”
“Baoshan Sanren.”
Jiang Fengmian feels a shiver running down his spine. He can’t believe it. The great immortal? It sounds impossible, and he knows that it is his sect’s motto to achieve the impossible, but still. This is a little bit too much!
“What did the great immortal want to say?”
“In short: don’t send letters, don’t send me baby orphans that set everything on fire… Basically the same things that Cangse Saren already explained about A-Ying’s disease in her last letter....Some weird comment about a night incense burner and how to make one and use it. And she concludes saying we should all be dead and if we want to avoid such fate, we should give our kid to you, and go back live in the mountain with her .”
Jiang Fengmian is stunned. It’s not that he didn’t believe Cangse Sanren’s words about the immortal’s flaws...But it’s one thing to hear about it, it’s another to witness it! Besides what is the meaning of this? Death? I won’t let that happen to you, he wants to say, but what can he do against anything that is foretold by a great immortal? Wei Changze catches his worries and adds,
“Don’t stress over it, from what I gathered, the immortal always threatens her students with death as if it’s the ultimate punishment: don’t go off the mountain or you will die! Don’t eat that or you’ll die! Don’t forget to put your inner robe or you’ll die! Don’t talk back to me or you’ll die! As you can guess, Cangse talked back to her, and she is still very much alive.”
It is...odd. And also a bit understandable; immortals do not fear much else than death, at their level, he supposes...And even that, their understanding of it must be dulled by their abnormal resilience.
“This letter is going to break Cangse Sanren’s heart.” He still says, realizing what is weighing on his friend’s shoulders.
“Yes, it will but I can’t keep it from her either.”
This is the Wei Changze Jiang Fengmian befriended, definitely. Unfortunately that also means Wei Changze rolls to the side and lets out a big sigh, back to a sour mood again.
“If I wanted to deal with shitty parents,” he mumbles. “I would still be in touch with mine.”
“I could give the letter to her in your stead.” He proposes.
“No thank you. I opened it, it’s my fault. I will deal with the consequences.”
He pauses, and looks at his Sect Leader, taking him by surprise.
“What is it you wanted to tell me?”
“You know me too well...”Jiang Fengmian sighs.
“As you said, we’ve been friends for a long time... Please tell me it’s work; I need to put my mind on something.”
There’s no good way to tell him what he is about to say, and since his friend is already depressed, Jiang Fengmian thinks it can’t be worse, so he adds to the pile.
“One of our disciples trashed a merchant’s stall in town.”
Wei Changze frowns and rises on his elbow.
“Do we know who?”
Jiang Fengmian nods; “Yes. I already talked with him; he admitted he did it. The problem is, he said the merchant deserved it.”
Wei Changze’s face ashens. He makes the connection quite fast: “Is it one of the disciples that went with me when I took care of the innkeeper?”
“Yes.”
Wei Changze facepalms himself, lying on the ground again, cursing.
“I messed up.”
This is not going to help alleviate his current self-loathing mood, Jiang Fengmian is afraid. All he can say to make things better is :
“I made a lot of mistakes too, when I started as Sect leader. It’s easy to forget people are always watching you.”
It is useless, he knows it, Wei Changze never takes it well when he makes mistakes. Unsurprisingly, the man hides his face in the crook of his elbows, and whispers pitifully.
“I’m so sorry, Jiang Fengmian. I bring you nothing but trouble.”
There’s many things Jiang Fengmian could say that are true; that it’s not the case, and even when it is, he doesn’t mind because he would rather have him by his side facing the trouble than having no trouble and being all alone. But there’s a moment to say such things, and he knows that if he did say that now, it would go way over Wei Changze’ head, so he keeps it for later. Instead he tells him:
“Join me in the office, we need to talk about what to do.”
He turns to tell Yu Ziyuan about it, and asks her to do the same. Which, unfortunately, means that Wei Changze is already waiting in the office when he finally enters it with his wife.
“I’ve been thinking,” His right-hand man says immediately, and Jiang Fengmian wants to answer that he, in fact, did not. Maybe he did, but clearly he didn’t give the idea enough time if he is done thinking so soon. This kind of situation requires more than a couple of minutes to be dealt with.
“You need to punish me before you even do anything to this disciple.”
Jiang Fengmian pinches the bridge of his nose and breaths in slowly. He knew it would be something like this.
“Of course you do,” affirms Yu Ziyuan immediately.
“Don’t encourage him, please.” He whispers to her.
She doesn’t know how his friend can be, how far Wei Changze is willing to go, and how much he is ready to sacrifice, when he enters survival and damage control mode? Even Jiang Fengmian is afraid of it sometimes, especially when just a few incense sticks before he was laying in his bed trying to disappear into his own mind!
“And what do you suggest we do, if not punishing him?” She barks back.
“It would be unfair to punish the disciple when I was the first one to show such behavior. What will you say?” And he takes a silly high pitched voice which clashes awfully with his serious expression: “It’s okay to attack common people in retaliation when you’re friends with a sect leader!”
Jiang Fengmian wants to say he does not have such a laughable voice, but his friend resumes before he can do anything.
“It’s my fault in the first place, I should have been more cautious and not got caught, even by our disciples.” Adds Wei Changze, as his face closes off.
“What kind of punishment do you suggest I give you then?”
There’s a pregnant pause, and Wei Changze’s eyes fall on Yu Ziyuan’s hand.
“I suppose whipping is in order.”
Jiang Fengmian remembers the boy who curled in his blanket and sobbed that he wanted to be erased from the world. It is out of question! He will not be the one to reduce him to such a state again. He will not be like his father and no one can force him, not his wife, not his friend, no one!
“My sect does not do corporal punishments.” His words are finals.
“You can’t escape this with more training sessions, husband,” warns Yu Ziyuan, “Some lessons have to be learned through pain. He is right, you have to make an example!”
“If you're worried about what you’ll say to my wife when she’ll come back, don’t sweat it, I will explain it to her in your stead.”
This has nothing to do with her! He hadn’t even thought that far; especially because they didn’t give him any time to think! And what do they see of him, exactly? Wei Changze avoids his gaze, regretful, but he sees Yu Ziyuan’s frown, and her thinned lips. Coward. She must be holding back those words right now. If not, it is probably something along the line “don’t run away” or “don’t be too soft, you need to be firm right now!”. But he disagrees.
“Rushing this would be as detrimental for the sect as not doing anything.” He states, certain.
“Keeping it on hold for days won’t be good either!” Protests Yu Ziyuan.
“How many days do you need to think about it, then?” Proposes Wei Changze.
But Jiang Fengmian shakes his head.
“The reason why I asked you to come here is because I wanted to talk about it with you. Isn't what you always say Wei Changze? How talking to other people help one’s mind get clearer?”
He turns to his wife, trying to convey to her his efforts. It is also one of the reasons why he turned their separate office into one, to make sure he couldn’t run away from her, even if he wanted to. He is aware that his withdrawal hurt her in the past, and he apologized for it after their first duel got interrupted. He is trying to make sure it doesn't happen again. But damn it is hard; the way they push the facts over his nose as if there’s no other solution but the one they present, as if Jiang Fengmian is the one being blind and stubborn...It sure makes him want to close himself up in his office until he comes up with something on his own to prove them wrong. Until he is not tired and annoyed by them anymore.
Yu Ziyuan seems to understand something, and her features soften.
“Okay. Then do it. Talk. I can’t read you mind, husband. Do your part!”
Ah. That’s true.
“I refuse corporal punishment,” he starts, but as he doesn’t want to just say no and leave the path closed, or not give another solution instead, he tries: “I want the punishment to have sense and be useful for the sect and both the one spoiled by the crime and the culprit.”
Yu Ziyuan scoffs. “You ask the impossible!” then she pauses, serious, “...But I suppose it’s the motto of our Sect.”
Wei Changze is silent for a moment, watching his friend with a curious expression on his face.
“Then...We better start now.” He finally concedes. “This seems like a lot of work.”
The whole discussion is awful, for Jiang Fengmian. Every bit of his idea, he has to fight for, and even then, it gets altered, transformed until sometimes, he doesn’t recognize it anymore. It is more exhausting than dueling his wife. But it is also, and he hates to admit it, thrilling just as much as his duel with Yu Ziyuan. Some of their solutions are good, he likes it, it refines his own thoughts and gives him alternatives. Yu Ziyuan is a rock, she is the one who makes sure everything is fair, something Jiang Fengmian often forgets to do, to his own shame. Wei Changze’s mood changes bit by bit, first firmly opposed to any mercy, then finally opening up when they get more theoretical and leave the matter of his mistakes behind. Then he asks the right questions to force Jiang Fengmian to organize his ideas. More often than not, something that was blurry in his mind takes shape as he tries to explain it to his friend, sometimes even without much of Wei Changze’s intervention but just being there and listening.
Finally they come up with something satisfying. Something he can agree with. Something they can actually build and use it in the future: an official ceremony where they can analyze any complaints about the sect and any wrong doing of the disciples. Some sort of trial, with some already pre-set punishments ready for each crime. Yu Ziyuan asks for this list to be known and displayed within the Sect, so no student can doubt its fairness. It reminds Jiang Fengmian too much of Cloud Recesses and its walls of rules. They are not as righteous as a rock, they are the Yunmeng Jiang Sect; they are flexible, they adapt quickly and attempt the impossible. Jiang Fengmian wants, when the situation is more complex than it appears, a punishment list to be proposed by disciples. As well as by the common people affected by the crime, adds Wei Changze. In the end, Jiang Fengmian is the Sect leader, they both remind him, so he will still make the final decision; but he will have many options that are accepted and voted by the ones under his protection. He likes it.
“You will have 7 days to take this decision.” States Yu Ziyuan.
He blinks surprised. He hadn’t expected...he didn’t dare…
“Your method isn’t wrong,” She says, blushing slightly. “It’s just different. You should not have to drop it completely, if it makes you feel better. It just needs to be under control...And you need to not do it with me.”
Jiang Fengmian’s heart gets too big for his own chest, filled with gratitude and relief. Each time it beats, he can hear the echo of his own thoughts: I love you. It’s still new and strange, so fragile he can’t believe it yet, but it stays longer and longer with him every passing day. So much he can’t deny what he is starting to feel anymore.
He catches the hidden smile on Wei Changze’s face, and feels his own cheek blushing, embarrassed to be found out this easily by his friend.
“It’s too long, though,” protests Wei Changze, going back to the subject.
“It is the same number of days for dead people to rest,” counters Yu Ziyuan. “It shows how seriously we take the matter.”
“Common people won’t see it that way. Seven days is too many, it can affect their savings too much.”
Yu Ziyuan is not happy, so she turns to Jiang Fengmian. He understands that she is waiting for him to give a number then. He gives it a long thought; as he will not be able to change it afterward. How many days does he require, what would be comfortable? He liked the seven days time, but he gets Wei Changze’s point too. And two days was too short for him, last time. Four is a sacred number, but a bad omen.
“Three days.” He finally settles for.
Wei Changze is already kneeling down, writing every word written down on a scroll to make it official.
As Jiang Fengmian finally exits the office, he is tired. Some part of himself is happy about their new method, but right now, his body wishes he could sleep for days, turn into a hermit like Baoshan Sanren and never do that again.
“Husband.”
Yu Ziyuan stops next to him, as Wei Changze is already running out, ready to get everything they need to put their idea to life. He slowly turns his head in her direction; his mind is fuzzy and blank. He doesn’t fear she might scream and yell at this point, he just thinks about nothing. His brain had been pressed dry by this whole discussion and there’s nothing else that can come out of it.
Yu Ziyuan hesitates, “This is a good idea.” She admits.
Love fills the emptiness in his chest so easily, that he can’t help it, he takes her hand in his and squeezes it softly. There’s two words that a man should be able to say, in their life. He already said the first ones to her. He whispers the second:
“Thank you.”
She smirks, and a beautiful blush spreads on her cheeks.
“I still think corporal punishment is needed, sometimes.” She adds.
For once, he doesn’t take her words like a hit on his back, but found them rather amusing. He knows; she fought for it during this discussion. They are so different from one another. But she still yielded. She accepted his opinion and choices. She can still think that way, as long as she respects this decision in the end. Jiang fengmian discovers that he doesn’t mind. He even finds it almost endearing, how she still says it, as if he could forget her if she isn’t vocal.
Yu Ziyuan doesn’t have to change inside and out for Jiang Fengmian to love her.
Notes:
The Yu Ziyuan / Jiang Fengmian ship is sailing. Also apparently judicial system is building up... I have little to no knowledge about judicial system in ancient china (and I have very little on my own country's judicial system, I must confess)...And in the canon (book/Untamed/Donghua) ... Judicial system seems to be very lacking...So hm. Yeah. I did something? It's a WIP even in the fic / Jiang Fengmian's mind so... I hope it's okay with all of you ^^
Next chapter will still take place in Lotus Pier =D We continue to work on this, and on Yu Ziyuan/Jiang Fengmian's romance !!
Chapter 24: Thank you, sorry and three words.
Notes:
Thank you all for your amazing comments ! New readers as much as old ones who follow this story since the beginning, I like every single one of your comment, so thank you <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The first trial goes well, they reunite all disciples to judge Wei Changze’s action and the man stands there in the middle, unwavering under all their gazes. He confesses his crimes and explains why he did this; unfortunately the innkeeper can’t be there as they didn’t have the time to go fetch him. The matter is too urgent. They will try to find him while Jiang Fengmian ponders an appropriate punishment.
Right before the end of the whole trial, Wei Changze adds:
“I was wrong and used my power on someone weaker than myself. It is not how a man should act, let alone a cultivator. The stronger you are, the more humble you must remain. I will accept whatever my Sect leader sees as a punishment.”
Jiang Fengmian is very surprised, in a good way, when he reads the list the crowd came up with. People who didn’t know how to write went to Yu Ziyuan’s maids so the twins could do it for them. Some propositions are funny; he recognizes A-Cheng’s proposition in the “Break his legs and put him into the corner of the room until it’s healed!”. (He will have to explain him why it is not possible, as he is the future Sect leader, and remind him that they especially asked for no corporal punishment ). Most are tempered and smart, his favorite is A-Li’s “make him apologize to the Innkeeper and re-build his inn.” There are very little which are violent and even less cruel. Probably because there were some civilians from Yunmeng, the reasons for Wei Changze’s anger had been understood, those civilians are parents too. He saw them shiver when his right-hand man summed up his fears about the InnKeeper’s crimes at the time. Also because, despite his short time with them, all of the disciples already like Wei Changze.
It takes three days for Jiang Fengmian to decide, and he is happy to recognize every face that assisted the trial in the crowd the day he is to deliver his verdict. They unfortunately didn’t find the innkeeper while he was withdrawing; apparently the man fled, too afraid of the ghost he saw during the fire. He can already hear people gossiping about it; “It proved he had something to hide! Maybe he isn’t so innocent he said he was! Maybe he didn’t rape a child, but who knows? Ladies under his care maybe?” some say. Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze share a glance at this, coming to an understanding without needing any words: it will be his friend’s will try to dissipate those rumors this time. For now, they have to end this trial.
“Wei Changze, you did wrong and took revenge on a man weaker than you. This is unbefitting of our Sect.” Starts Yu Ziyuan, her voice overpowering the crowd’s whispers.
Jiang Fengmian is grateful his wife said this part of the speech, as it would have hurt to say such things to his friend. Wei Changze doesn’t protest, not even wince, he listens to what his Sect Leader says.
“But the Sect understands your circumstances, as important suspicions were held against this Innkeeper and, if proven true, had to be stopped immediately. You also made sure the Sect was not accused of your wrong, as you acted on your own. Our Sect was even thanked, as you ordered our disciples to put down the fire and save innocent lives.”
There’s a whisper among the people; he is sure that the words will spread around, and there’s nothing he can do about that. He would rather have his sect accused of being too honest than concealing the truth.
“As such, I have decided that all your salary, as you work for our Sect, to be redirected to help reconstruct the Inn you destroyed.”
A-Li lets out a little sound, and her brother complains that his idea was still better than her. Jiang Fengmian continues:
“You will also, as the Innkeeper disappeared after the mess, be in charge of that Inn. I will let you decide how, as your duties as my right-hand-man will not be suspended. All the money the inn will make will go to the sect you spoiled, and a small amount of money will be kept for the Innkeeper you wronged, if he ever reappears. You will get none of it.”
Wei Changze bows and accepts the chastisement, even thanks the Sect leader. He is smart enough to understand what Jiang Fengmian expects of him with this. After all, there is the matter of what the Wen Clan wants to do in the region, and the monster that almost killed them during the night hunt. Having a place here will allow them to have ears and eyes in the region; especially such a place as an Inn. He sanctioned the man with free-labor for years, but also the opportunity to get paid in the answers he seeks.
Some people are complaining as they leave, whispering that it’s not enough, but almost as many counter that it’s fair enough. Jiang Fengmian thinks it’s good, for the first time. The second trial is even easier to handle; the disciple witnessed the first one after all, he knows what to expect. He doesn’t have as good a reason as Wei Changze; he destroyed the stall because he felt he had been fooled and sold a bad-product. The case is simple, so they have a preset punishment ready for him; yet some people still give a list of punishments, which are way less indulgent than the first trial.
“It is also my responsibility” Cuts Wei Changze, three days later, as Jiang Fengmian delivers his judgement. “I set a bad example for this disciple and so will share his punishment with him as repentance.”
The disciple’s face is white and his eyes red;, it doesn’t take much else for it to fill with tears of gratitude. Yu Ziyuan, though, is annoyed: as the right-hand man did this on his own, taking his sect leader and Madam by surprise. Probably because he knew they would have tried to make him back down.
She is furious of course, and the moment he gets away from people’s prying eyes, she corners him to tell him exactly how a trusted advisor should act; which is not behind their back! As usual he simply stands there, docile and emotionless throughout all the scolding. It is even more infuriating, when Jiang Fengmian arrives and takes his defense.
“He did right, if he didn’t apologize there, the trust he built with our disciples would have shattered.”
“Of course you side with him!” She yells before she can stop herself. She immediately chokes, realizing too late that she did it again. Jiang Fengmian sighs, and Wei Changze closes his eyes and she suddenly feels like she is the one being shamed right now even though they use no harsh words and only silence against her.
“This is not a matter of siding with someone. It is siding with behavior.” Finally says her husband. “And I do think you’re right on one point.”
Yu Ziyuan blinks, taken aback, as he turns to his best friend.
“I have no use of a right-hand man who does things behind my back. If you want to remain my ally, please stop doing this. Especially when I would have understood such a decision.”
“I’m sorry, I wanted to say it myself and I felt like you would have taken the charge in my stead.”
“And that’s why we could have talked and made a compromise, but you took that choice away from me.”
“I understand, I will not do this again.”
Again with apologies, Yu Ziyuan’s heart squeezes, as the two men smile at each other, and part as if they were not fighting seconds ago.
An awful, awful feeling grows in her guts. She knows they are heading in the right direction and on the right track but... Despite their recent closeness, and their efforts, she feels that there is still something between them. Is it a wall? The wall he talks about? Do I have to apologize too?
She knows she should. If she wants to build a relationship with her husband, they have to come clean, they can’t be separated by a pile of their past mistakes and misconceptions. Not that it will ever disappear, she is not that naive, but as long as it is on their road and not behind, they are bound to tumble on these. She knows she acted unfairly towards him many, many times and that she owes him this much. But she is proud. No. She points out the lie she tells herself to feel better. That’s not it. She is scared. It is hard to admit, but the Violet Spider is terrified.
Because if she owes him an apology, she is vaguely aware that he doesn’t owe her any forgiveness. She would be lucky if he accepts her in his life after she hurt him. Like Cangse Sanren said, very few people can do that. Heck, if she was facing her own self in quest of redemption, she would mock her and throw her away, thinking: Who do you think you are, saying sorry after everything is done and things have changed? or Who do you think I am, a fool ? Accepting people back that can destroy me?
She wouldn’t forgive herself if she was Jiang Fengmian, so she can’t help but think he might do the same. Yet, she clings to the hope that her husband is not her, and so that he could. That he will.
Besides, her pride still rages; she is wrong! He hurts her too, not with his words but by doing nothing at all when she needed him to act! And yet she forgave him So they’re even!
They made progress. She is trying! And even though sometimes she still fails at being nice, he has to have noticed, right?
The difference is, Jiang Fengmian already apologized. She’s pretty sure he did. She feels like he did. She didn’t. She didn’t atone for her mistakes, and so, how could he forgive her?
Even if he did, it is no reason for him to forgive you. So what do you try? He tries too! Everyone tries! As long as you don’t succeed it means nothing! Even if you succeed it still means nothing! Her doubts scream, battling fiercely with her pride.
For each wrong deed, there has to be a punishment. She wasn’t punished for her behavior...Maybe, if he refuses to love her, that would be it, that would be how the world made things fair.
And she would have to accept it, like everyone does. She will have to accept that her redemption is for herself, to become a better person, and not for Jiang Fengmian alone. That he is not a reward she will certainly gain once this is all over. That her reward will be to live with her new self.
It doesn’t feel like enough. It doesn’t feel satisfying. Yet in the end Yu Ziyuan bows her head to her own mental trial and accepts it with dignity, because that’s the emotion that survives the battlefield of her mind. She can at least have this, if she can’t get anything else.
During the real trial, the disciple is sentenced to rebuild the stalls (with Wei Changze’s help) and to help out the merchant during all his free-time. To learn how hard the job is, and how valuable the products he destroyed were.
“You will do that until your debt toward him is erased.”
New rumors start from this day onward. Common people talk about the Yunmeng Jiang Sect with stars in their eyes, affirming that it’s the only one that actually listens to their troubles. Cultivators around are less indulgent, and Yu Ziyuan soon receives a letter from her friend Madam Jin; they find such behaviour shameful, as surely, this is not the job of Sects to handle such matters! It is impossible to help everyone, and if they continue, her friends reports, they say they will soon be forced to deal with farmers complaining about cattles and lawns!
Yu Ziyuan decides to be proud of her husband and to fight whoever thinks such things. It’s true that they are, in essence, superior to common people; but all cases they handled were related to wrong their disciples did. She doesn’t get why it should not fall under their responsibilities given this. And so she writes as much to her friend.
“Don’t you think,” she writes, “That it is the duty of the strong to protect the weak?” Then she adds, frowning at her own words, vaguely recognizing her husband’s mentality hiding behind her own; “Is it not just as bad to do nothing, when you know and can? The Yunmeng Jiang Sect does not accept cowards, or people afraid of hard work. They will attempt the impossible, as it is what they pledged to do when they joined.”
She is sure her friend, Madam Jin will understand that there’s no way to make Yu Ziyuan change her mind now. She is smart, after all, and grew up with her. She knows best.
To her surprise, she also receives a second letter shortly after; it is from the Zhao Sect. It does not bring good news. It is someone she doesn’t know, from the Zhao clan, that answers her. He apologizes and says the man she looks for unfortunately died several years ago, fighting a Yao at the border of their territories. His wife and kid left the clan soon after an incident involving their son’s cultivation that he will not dwell upon. The family has not been seen since then.
Yu Ziyuan stares at the paper for a long, long time, hollow, her heart grieving for a man she didn’t know she would miss before it was too late. Words she didn’t know she wanted to say to him piles in her throat and makes it hard to swallow. Despite knowing that cultivation is good, that’s after all what makes them superior, made to lead , she can’t help but feel bad. It is a dangerous activity after all, where a single mistake could cost you your life.
She is glad that Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze didn’t share the same fate as her old friend. The thought is unexpected, but true.
The very same evening, Yu Ziyuan decides to spend a little bit more time with her children, discharging her maids of their before-bed routine, to do it herself. She tucks them to bed like when they were babies, and stays with them until they fall asleep, like when they’re sick. A-Cheng is so happy it takes way too much time for him to actually fall asleep. But he eventually does, asking for her to do that more often, she half promises him to. A-Li, as she closes her eyes, mumbles:
“Why are you so sad, mother? Is there anything I can do?”
And pats her hands before succumbing to sleep. It warms Yu Ziyuan’s heart and fills a little bit the emptiness death had left in her chest. She silently prays for her children’s safety, and kisses their foreheads before going back to her bedroom.
Jiang Fengmian is already there, he gives her a summary of his days and decisions, as her maids brush and oil her hair.
“Wei Changze asked the disciple whose family is currently living in the area, to take over the Inn once it is rebuilt. He will ask them for reports and visit them often to help, and will use this opportunity to search for whatever Wen Ruohan is looking for.”
She nods absentmindedly, her mind not focused. When her maids are finally done and she goes to bed, he asks:
“Are you okay, my lady?”
And she closes her eyes and admits:
“No.”
Then puts her head on his shoulder and orders him.
“Comfort me.”
His surprise soon turns into a laugh and he indulges her, kissing the top of her hair while patting her back.
“Will you tell me what’s bothering you?”
“Later. Right now it hurts to think about it.”
He accepts this and she lets him hold her close until he chases the cold and emptiness away. When all that is left in her heart is warmth and thankfulness, Yu Ziyuan can’t help but think that, maybe, just maybe, this is what love feels like.
Her teenager self would have been offended to see her show weakness to a man like this, unable to understand that it was not weakness at all. But courage.It takes courage to open your arms to someone that could very well hurt you. It takes courage to love, and it takes courage to be loved back.
Courage to change, to meet halfway...Courage to accept the other as he is, their qualities and flaws, their right and their wrong.
Jiang Fengmian is kind, and soft. That’s what she hated about him. But, that’s also what she loves right now. It did not make her feel like meeting halfway at all, she pretty much stood where she was and he reached for her, silently. He found her and accepted her conditions. He was patient.
Yu Ziyuan is stunned by how simple it is, and wonders when the switch happened. Why it even happened in the first place. Is it because now she knows what hides behind his mild character? As she drifts off to sleep in his arms, she realizes that, maybe he never meant to hurt her. So why should she hurt him back? Why did she hurt him, back then?
One must be brave to admit their wrongdoing, and even more to face them head on. She needed courage to love, but she needs to be even braver, to give her husband the choice to love her back. That’s what she said to Wei Changze after all; she can’t take that away from him, they are already in an arranged marriage, she can’t steal away the very few liberty they have left together. She has to accept that he might not love her back and forgive her.
She knows that she has to. Her husband deserves it. Because he was kind, soft, and patient, with her, even though she didn’t give him the same courtesy. Because those mistakes feel like a wall between them, built on her harsh words and his silence. In the plain daylight, it is evident, but right now, in the secrecy of the night and the crook of his neck, it feels weak and hollow. Easily swept away and destroyed. Yu Ziyuan is good at destroying. She just prays she will not destroy her hopes, this little flower of affection that is currently blooming between them, this thing that she wants to nurture.
“Husband…?” She whispers, her heart beating as fast as if she were in the midst of the battlefield.
“Yes, my lady?”
She is aware that, just like during night-hunt, one wrong move could cut their future short. But does she back down in front of vengeful ghosts and Yao either? No. Because she is the violet spider, and just like her friend, she fights until the very end.
“I’m sorry.”
She is sorry she had hurt him. She is sorry she had such a wrong image of him built in her mind. Yu Ziyuan is too proud to say that aloud, it took all her force to just say those three words. Jiang Fengmian’s breath stops for a moment. She wants to be a better person, and tell him that it's okay if he cannot forgive her; that she does not seek redemption and assumes responsibility for her acts, that he does not have to love her back. But she can’t lie. She wants him to love her back. She wants him to forgive her. She is very afraid he will not, and that it will be over, once and for all. She can’t promise to accept it yet, not aloud.
They let the silence surround them like a blanket, warm and heavy at the same time; full of memories. Then, her husband answers her back with three magic words too:
“I love you.”
Fortunately, as much as Yu Ziyuan is good at destroying, Jiang Fengmian is equally as good at building. He holds this little flame that sparks between them, willingly, ready.
He wasn’t sure about it, he felt that way for some time now, but the flame always flickered as soon as it lit up before, so he didn’t dare say it aloud. Right now though, he feels like it’s strong enough to survive on its own, that no wind could blow it away.
It takes courage to love, even more to love back someone who hurt you, and Yu Ziyuan discovers, a little bit more everyday, that her husband is not a coward. He has every right to reject her, to refuse her apologies and sentiments. He has the right to not forgive her, and it would make him just as strong as he is now, as he accepts her wholly, entirely.
She would be lucky, Yu Ziyuan had thought, if her husband could forgive her; but not only does he do this, but he also gives her what she craved most of all. Little does she know, Jiang Fengmian feels lucky too; as he has a wife that is willing to try to walk the path of redemption for him. They’re both blessed with one another, and this emotion that took so long, and so much effort to cultivate, finally comes into the light.
He whispers to her ears words she persuaded herself she would never hear, and it feels bittersweet, not as she imagined it to be, but better. Simply because it is real.
“I love you too.” She answers him back.
Notes:
Congratulations Regueira_Holivar for seeing Wen Zhuliu in chapter 14!! I didn't want to say it until you had the "confirmation" but now I suppose I can. =D Even though it will take some time for the characters to make the same guess, I think you dear readers are all smart enough to understand it during this chapter !!
...i have no question this time. I just hope the confession scene is okay with you all, my brain screamed the whole time "It's TOO SOON!" while I wrote it, while I was like "It's chapter 24 ALREADY! THIS FIC IS GOING TO BE 500 CHAPTERS LONG IF I CONTINUE AT THIS PACE!!" ////So yeah... xD I wonder if I should add "slow burn" in the tag, given how my brain works. like "Slow burn for everyone" "Slow burn for me" "Everything is slow and everything will burn"
*run away with her jokes*
Next chapter we'll be back at Cloud Recesses with Cangse Sanren ! And I will publish it on Wednesday =)
This chapter was once again beta read by the great Fraudulent_Moose !! ^^
Chapter 25: Fever
Notes:
Thank you all so much for all your amazing comments <3 I got so many on monday I barely worked at all because I wanted to answer them all xD (Oops...)
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, which is once again, beta-read by Fraudulent_Moose !
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The more time Cangse Sanren spends in this library- finding nothing at all -the more the frustration she builds up, and she wants to go and play with the kids instead of studying. The last few days she indulged herself some fun, especially while making a shelter for the bunnies in the mountain. She made it simple; as not having her legs hindered her building skills a lot more than she was willing to admit, but A-Ying helped, Lan Zhan and Lan Huan too, and it had been a breather to spend some days out of the library. She even showed the two little Lan how to make sure rabbits would hide there and not any other animals, making them plant herbs the little pets would be fond of...And maybe digging and hiding some repelling talisman in the ground. What Lan Qiren didn’t know can’t hurt him! But now, she has no more excuses, and she is back at her research in vain. She’s good at being smart, having a brilliant idea and working on it. She is not that good at working to have a brilliant idea.
“I told you you’d find nothing.”
Lan Qiren should not be so smug. Isn't it against the rules? Something like “Don’t rub someone’s failures to their faces, something...something...Or it makes you a bad Lan!” (he is not if she is being honest but it still feels like he is) Besides he also has found nothing in the confidential archive either. So whatever failure is her, it’s his too.
Lan Qiren still sits right next to her, as if he doesn’t get the death glare she is sending him.
“The ritual is going well,” Lan Qiren says, looking at Wei Ying.
“Yes. It does. It helps.” She admits.
Her boy is not afraid to sleep anymore, the nap he is taking right now is the proof.
The boy played all morning with Lan Zhan and the kitten while Lan Huan went to cultivation training with other disciples. He fell asleep on the ground, curled around a pile of scrolls and his kitty. Lan Zhan, who hates to be touched, is sleeping awfully close to him too. Right before succumbing to his slumber, the boy looked completely mesmerized by the way A-Ying’s hair curled. Or maybe he was just intrigued by the kitty playing with it. If Lan Qiren is angry about it, he doesn’t show. Cangse Sanren even dares to think that it’s the contrary, the way his features soften when he sees Lan Zhan playing is...strange. Almost relieved. He’s been like this since the boy uttered those two words in front of the rabbits. So far, Lan Zhan hadn’t said anything else. Not for the lack of trying on A-Ying’s part; her boy stated, the evening after the bunny incident, right before going to bed:” Just wait and see Mommy, I’m gonna fight the monster and become A-Zhan’s best friend!”
“Has he seen the monster during the day?” Lan Qiren asks.
He is tidying the whole place up, like his nephew. Which led him to see the pile of drawings the two kids scribbled a little bit earlier- before they were allowed to go outside. He shows her one in particular, where you can see a strange black figure watching in the right corner of the page, at the opposite side of a sun (the boy definitely ran out of place to draw it fully), while in the middle tiny sticks with weird proportions plays on the grass, surrounded by a naive house, and strange creature that are a mix of bunnies and cats. It’s not A-Ying’s style at all, he draws humans a little bit better; and his humans don’t not have a nose. She wonders if Lan Zhan and him shared their paper because she told them it was expensive. Cangse Sanren frowns at it, and takes a look at the rest.
The monster is always there, she realizes, on every doodled scene. Sometimes so tiny you can understand it’s it only because its body is totally black. Sometimes it’s so big it almost eats all the place on the paper, safe from the small house’s walls that is protecting A-Ying and Lan Zhan.
A-Ying did talk about saving bunnies from the monster, but then he went on about protecting her from the monster too, so maybe he didn’t. She also found some of her talisman scripture on his clothes, but lately he has been scribbling such things on anything, with whatever he found, just like when he learned to make a knot.
Either way Cangse Sanren is considering switching the purpose of her research to learn more about the wards around Cloud Recess and make a similar one around Lotus Pier, to make sure her boy never sees the monster again. But that would mean dropping the matter of Lan Yi.
It would be so easy to do so. It is so tempting to do so. Especially after almost a full week finding a bunch of nothing.
The ritual is working, Babies Lan are being adorable, the one who welcomed them even promised a tiny dizzi to A-Ying and teach him a simplified version of his new lullaby, so he can play it if he sees the monster during the day. The Lan Yi mystery is incomplete, but each passing day it becomes evident that it might be one that doesn’t need to be solved. All that is left is this strange incense burner that she can’t use on her own, here. She wishes she could say it brings peace to her mind. It would be a lie. She hates not knowing the truth and the bottom of the story. It frustrates her to no end.
There’s also...Something else that frustrates her, and she needs to talk to Lan Qiren about. She tried to send letters to her husband but by the time she would get his insight too much time would have passed.
The thing is...That during her research on Lan Yi, she hit a wall. Whatever war happened in Lan Yi’s time, it had been ugly, and either every document was burned to the ground, or someone made sure that it disappeared. The main line of Clan leaders isn’t even directly related to her, as she never married and it was her sister’s heir who took the role of Sect leader after her death. So not even a little old grampa’s stories she could look for! Desperate to find something, anything, with the name of the woman written on it, she went through the oldest and biggest document of the Lan library: the night hunt reports. Big clans usually write down every night hunt they did; the name of the disciples going, the monster they fought, the price they got for it…
Lan Clan isn’t an exception.
Surely, this idea came with exhaustion, and she hadn’t thought this through at all; as Lan Yi’s time was hundreds of years ago. But it took her a lot of time and reading before that fact actually hit her, and when it did, she was already so tired and too far off to back up, so she just...Stared at the document.
And read it.
And noticed something really, really worrying.
Qingheng-Jun’s name didn’t appear in any of the night hunts for the past ten years. Actually, the last time she read his name in one of the reports was merely a few months after she eloped with Wei Changze.
Does that mean that Lan Qiren’s brother has been in seclusion for the last ten years? Qingheng-Jun had been barely a few years older than her. What crime did he commit for him to be stuck in seclusion? Because no one in their right mind, decides to stay in seclusion for so long willingly, right?
It is even worse than that. Because of course, Cangse Sanren did the math: Lan Huan is barely eight. Which meant that he had him while being in seclusion? She had checked the family register at the library too, and looked at the date of his marriage too, an awful feeling in her chest. And the night of Qingheng-Jun’s last hunt was also the day his marriage was registered. Not a few days after, no, the same day.
What had happened that night? She wants to ask Lan Qiren. She surely remembers Qingheng-Jun as someone who could hold a corpse’s hands until it disappeared, but that’s different from holding a ceremony in the middle of the battlefield! Even she is not that shameless!
What would justify this?
Lan Zhan and Lan Huan are always with their uncle, or here in the library pavillon. Lan Huan never talks about his father or mother, even when she tries to bring up the subject. Lan Zhan doesn’t talk at all. Lan Qiren looks sad and miserable, as a sect leader; hadn’t he wanted to be a teacher? What happened?
She has no right to ask him that. He has no reason to answer her. They are nothing; not even friends, and she owes him already. Yet…
Yet it’s so infuriating to be here and see mysteries and not being able to get any answers at all! She is smart enough to know that this is just an excuse, a coping mechanism she’s using because she can’t do anything to heal her son and just has to wait...But damn she is too tired to care, she just wants to do something right, anything, help someone, anyone, at this point. As long as it makes her feeling better and not like some powerless and shitty mother.
“Lan Qiren,” she starts, determined to ask him, this time.
But he is faster than her.
“Lan Huan and Lan Zhan won’t be able to come here tomorrow.”
She blinks.
“Did we do something wrong? Do yo- the elders- think I’m corrupting their best Lan boys or something?”
To her utter surprise, there’s a tiny, really tiny, smile on Lan Qiren’s face. He shakes his head.
“No. Your presence is…” It seems to cost him a lot to finish the sentence. “it’s good. it makes them...happy.”
“Not too overly happy, I suppose, as it is against the rules.”
“It makes them happy just enough.” Lan Qiren nods, not reading the joke. Sometimes she despairs about him and grieves over the humor sense he never was blessed with.
Lan Qiren looks at Lan Zhan, once again. The boy is frowning in his sleep, he is currently battling against A-Ying for the control of the blanket. The kitten is curled too close to him to allow him to do so though, as if he is protecting his master’s rest.
Despite the questions Cangse Sanren has, stuck at the back of her throat, it’s another one that goes past her lips:
“Does he speak to you, sometimes?”
“Silence is a virtue. I would rather have him silent in front of me than insolent.” He says stubbornly. So It’s no.
“Does he speak to Lan Huan?”
Lan Qiren’s eyes are sad. Terribly so.
“No. But A-Huan is his brother, they share a bond, they can understand one another without words.”
Like hell they do . She spent enough time with the boys to see how Lan Huan tries so hard to figure out his little brother’s emotions. How he watches his tiny features and makes theories with an ever patient-tone, until Lan Zhan finally nods in agreement. This boy is nothing but love; just like Jiang Yanli. But he is also a child, and somehow it seems unfair for Cangse Sanren to rely so much on him when he is barely eight!
“And does he speak to his parents?”
There’s a silence, heavy and overwhelming.
“His mother says he speaks to her, but I don't know if she tells the truth.”
They still have a mother, that’s one more pessimist theory of her that is thrown away. Though, that’s awfully mean, borderline against the rules “don’t speak ill behind one’s back.”especially for someone as rules bidding as Lan Qiren.
“Is she that untrustworthy?”
Lan Qiren frowns, as if he just realized what he implied with his words; but he doesn’t deny it either. Worst, his eyes brim with anger. Probably more anger than he is allowed to feel and vocalize according to his clan. Lan Qiren doesn’t like Cangse Sanren; that much is evident, and she reciprocates- but this is worse, it looks like Lan Qiren hates this woman, despite the rules of his clan forbidding him to hold such strong emotion.
“She is sick.” He says, but that isn’t really a good answer to her question, unless they have two different definitions for the word.
Yet the Lan hides behind a stubborn and polite silence, and doesn’t explain further. Cangse Sanren sighs. Lan Qiren looks at the scroll that had never left the desk of the library pavillon since she has started her research; the report from Lan healers. He seems to realize that he allowed her to check in this section of the library- probably a part that is restricted usually as it deals with personal and confidential matters. That if Cangse Sanren wanted to know; she would just need to look in the right scroll, on the right shelf. He guesses right, she can. She will. Since he doesn’t answer her, she will. But she wanted to try to be polite first, because Lan Qiren had been kind with her.
It’s not like her, and it clearly doesn’t work. So she will turn to her old method: bluntness. She asks him what she wanted to know in the first place:
“Can you tell me why your brother is in seclusion?” She tries.
Lan Qiren doesn’t answer, instead he turns to Lan Zhan, and wipes away the dust on the boy’s clothes. He is not going to say anything.
“Can you tell me why we won’t see your two boys tomorrow?”
Silence again, but not deliberate this time. Lan Qiren’s hands stop while folding the boy’s sleeves and he urgently takes Lan Zhan’s wirst to check his pulse, something akin to worry making his way to his usually grumpy features. It alarms Cangse Sanren.
“What’s wrong?”
She looks at the boy, he was doing fine earlier, but she notices the way his cheeks are red; surely it’s not from all the running and handstands he did in the garden. She puts her hand on his forehead.
“He has fever.”
Lan Qiren swears, and it leaves Cangse Sanren deadpanned. He swears? He doesn’t drop dead the moment bad words come out of his mouth? HOW?
But there's a more urgent matter: she checks A-Ying and sighs in relief. He is fine! No fever. She would be the one ending up sick if her little baby got any more health troubles! No wonder, though, the kitten sticks closer to Lan Zhan, purring like he found the best place in the world! It’s not a very high fever, but it’s still one, and her chest tightens with worry.
He’s young, and spent the last week playing so much outside, and getting excited, and building the shelter for bunnies, then petting the said bunnies, sitting in the wet field. Honestly, it was obvious he would fall sick at some point. She should have been more careful; he is a Lan, not A-Ying. He is used to calm and library, not traveling on Donkey’s back and open fields.
Cangse Sanren swears too.
“Language in front of the kids.” Scolds her Lan Qiren immediately.
“They’re asleep!” She defends; besides he was the first one to swear between the two of them! The nerves this guy has sometimes! He ignores her, and instead he rubs his forehead, right under his sacred ribbon and whispers:
“It couldn’t be worse…”
Cangse Sanren thinks he might be a bit over dramatic, but she still helps him as he takes Lan Zhan to the clan’s infirmary. She rolls A-Ying in his blanket with the kitty- trying her best to not wake him up -and follows on her sword.
She is surprised to find the Lan-she-likes here. What is his name? She sure asked for it...She remembers thinking it was really close to the first master’s name. But something that means “original” she recalls....Lan Yuan? Yeah that must be it. He is the first one to notice Lan Zhan’s state and examine him. Cangse Sanren hadn’t realized that he was a healer; but she supposes it makes sense that the clan put some healers in charge of A-Ying’s case too. She should have guessed.
The examination doesn’t take very long, and the man puts the second master in an available bed.
“It’s not serious, but I would rather not have him infect his brother; he is at a dangerous stage of the core formation. We’ll keep him at the infirmary for now.”
“Will he be okay tomorrow?” Asks Lan Qiren, embarrassed. “If we give him spiritual energy…”
Lan Yuan frowns.
“Spiritual energy on such a young child must be used with caution: only for emergencies or to heal spiritual wounds. If we do that for a mere child sickness, his body would forget how to fight those and become lazy. I’m afraid the young master will have to stay here tomorrow and rest.”
Lan Qiren sighs, and Cangse Sanren wonders what is so important tomorrow for him to insist on the presence of Lan Zhan despite his sickness. She doesn’t have to wonder long, though, as the healer bows to Lan Qiren and humbly says:
“May I give you an honest opinion, as second master’s current healer?”
“You may.” Agrees Lan Qiren.
“It is always beneficial for a child’s health to have someone by their side, as they recover. He might not be able to see his mother tomorrow...But maybe it would do him good if his father could be there instead.”
Lan Qiren looks like he had just swallowed a full bottle of wine. His face turns almost purple. Cangse Sanen holds her breath, understanding all at once and nothing at the same time. To her surprise, Lan Qiren does not scream, instead, like a perfect Lan, he swallows his rage and answers firmly:
“I understand. But I will not accept such things. If I do, they might start to think that it is a way for them to see their parents and seek such a state in the future.”
This is so cruel! Cangse Sanren might not understand much; but what she gets is that, at this rate, Lan Zhan might spend the whole day alone in the infirmary bed instead of seeing his mother. She can’t accept that- it’s too sad! Poor kid, he doesn’t deserve such thing, so she steps in, metaphorically:
“If he can’t make it; A-Ying and me will keep him company.”
Lan Qiren stares at her, and she can’t read his expression, so she tries to make it obvious that She will not back down on this; she spent a whole week with this kid, it’s too late. She holds a dear affection for this little one.
“Please, do.”
Lan Qiren nods, sadly.
“I need to go talk to Lan Huan and our elders about this. I will be back later to check on him. Please take care of my nephew.”
He bows to the healer, and leaves without a second glance.
“Thank you,” the Lan Healer whispers, as he sits near Lan Zhan’s bed. “Since you’re here, why don’t you sit too? I will examine your legs. I suppose your son played with our second master today?”
Lan Yuan helps her transition from her sword to another bed, and A-Ying opens an eye when he changes arms, for only a short instant. Then he mumbles back and goes back to sleep, pressing the kitty against his chest. The pet doesn’t like it very much and flees.
“I’m afraid he played with him for a week and a half.” She admits. “They were even napping next to each other when we realized that Lan Zhan was sick…”
“I will give him something to drink tonight then, maybe it will prevent him from contracting the same illness. But I wouldn’t worry if I were you, it’s nothing but a small cold, and A-Ying’s body is strong right now, with the ritual meddling with his spiritual energy each night. I doubt he will get it.”
He looks at Lan Zhan though, and bit his lips, as if thinking of something.
“Maybe you should avoid making them nap close to one another though, given your son’s condition.”
Ah. She hadn’t thought of that. And she says aloud why, realizing it as the same time the words pass her lips:
“Whatever this is, from what we gathered it’s only effective during the night. A-Ying never had nightmares during naps, nor have I had nightmares during days.”
Still, the healer doesn’t seem convinced. As he examines her legs- and tells her she should do more exercises or she will might go back to square one; she decides to ignore this advice, but he doesn’t let it slide:
“You have to take care of your health better. If you believe you’re never going to be cured, then you won’t, so start believing; you’ll be surprised by how many miracles can be achieved with a strong enough will.”
No one ever told Cangse Sanren she lacked will, it is a bit strange. She thought she was doing well regarding her legs, but now she realizes that she might not: she accepted the fact that she will never be herself again, because it is...less hard on her heart. She is not sure she is ready to hope for recovery, if all she will get in the end is disappointment. So she jokes to shield her emotions:
“Is that a rule from your wall?”
Lan Yuan smiles back:
“No. It is a personal rule of mine, follow it if you want. I know it’s hard, but you can start with little steps.”
“Steps are not my forte currently…”
“You are quite a joker, right? If you wanna be stuck all your life in a bed, fine-”
“Okay, okay, give me your method then!”
She sighs, expecting a new series of painful exercises to add to her training regimens; she swears if he tells her to go swim in the river she will get him off her list of favorite Lan. Water in this mountain is too cold, she remembers falling into one once during a night-hunt and she will not try it again! But to her surprise, the Lan healer says:
“It’s simple enough, before going to bed do not think of anything but a mental image that illustrates recovery for you. It can be a rope getting tied again, or picturing you walking...Imagine it until you fall asleep.”
“That sounds...very spiritual and not very academic.”
“The healing process starts with the mind.”
She is doubtful, but at least this will not ask her too much. She says she will try, if only to get him off his back. He looks pleased with her answer, but maybe he can senses she is not very convinced because he bows and states:
“One should not inflict unnecessary pain…”
And proceeds to inflict her a hell lot of pain by moving her legs in an impossible angle. BASTARD! TRAITOR! She hates that rule!
Once he stops tortur-hum- massaging her legs, she decides to change subject, if only to think of something positive and nice and not the how the numbness that paralyze her lower half body had been replaced by cramps:
“How much trouble would you be in, if you told me what the heck is going on with Lan Zhan’s parents?”
The healer smiles: “Big trouble. One should not share our clan’s secrets with an outsider.”
“It’s a rule too?”
“Yes, Rules 540...but also common sense.”
“It took them an awfully long time for them to come up with this one, though…”
“You are surprisingly obsessed with our rules, despite not being a Lan, do you plan to join your sect?”
Cangse Sanren gasps at the very idea. Talk about nightmares! No thank you, she hates mountains, she hates cold, she hates rules!
“Are you flirting with me? Do you plan to woosh me into your sect!”
“I’m married. And too young for you.”
“That surely doesn’t stop some people.”
“I am married, too young for you, happy and a Lan.”
She ignores all these points and dramatically puts a hand on her heart :
“I’m afraid my heart is already taken, I can't marry into the Lan Sect!” She smirks. “If you hope to have me join your clan, then you’ll have to bet on my son!”
This is the moment A-Ying decides to throw away his blanket and almost drop from the bed he is resting on, ending in some weird sleeping posture. The Healer looks at him with a strange expression and answers:
“One should not bet unless he is sure to win.”
Cangse Sanren is pretty sure Lan Sect forbids bets. Such a naughty Lan, he almost fooled her with this fake rule! And now she wonders how many fake ones he gave her until now, stating them with such a tone one would think it is a rule, without him having to lie about it...He looks like a bit of a troublemaker too. Between fellow troublemakers, surely, they can reach some agreements.
“How much trouble would I be, if I ever find out about this little secret on my own?” She asks then.
The healer stops, and hums.
“Less trouble,” he says. “But I should tell you to not meddle in this matter.”
She waits, expectantly for Lan Yuan to do so. Cangse Sanren smiles back, as the healer exits the room without adding anything. She knows that it isn’t a blessing on his part, but she decides to read it that way anyways. Now she is sure that there is a secret to be found, troubles lurking underneath the perfect pristine of the Lan Clan.
Cangse Sanren has been good, and calm and tamed for some time now ; since the nighthunt incident. She even acted so well in front of Wen Ruohan when clearly the man deserved a good kick in the butt (he is lucky she couldn’t use her legs anymore). It’s been almost two months! Clearly, what is the worst the Lan Clan can do? Not threaten them with war! Lan Qiren going into Qi Deviation? (He looks fine and mature enough to handle her chao better than in the past)...Whipping? Surely they wouldn’t dare whip an injured woman, and if they do, surely she can handle some.
Cangse Sanren has been disciplined and polite and kind for too long. It itches. It frustrates her, like Yu Ziyuan’s anger. She is, after all, a troublemaker at heart.
Notes:
We have now, officially each of the four actual main characters's bad day...
JFM : withdrawal
YZY : anger
WCZ : depression
CSSR : troublemaker...Which one is your favorite so far ?
In the meantime at Lotus Pier...
YZY : She is taking an awfully long time.
WCZ : Do you miss my wife? You know she's going to be there for a full month, right?
YZY.: as if she's going to stay that long there. I bet she's going to be back because she can't stand the Lan in less than two days and that she will complain about it for a full year.
JFM : I bet she's going to be kicked out.
YZY and JFM *turns to WCZ*
WCZ : I'm not going to bet on my wife.
JFM : You're not married, just eloped.
WCZ : ...True...I bet she's going to shave Lan Qiren's beard, again.disciples *looking at them from a safe distant* do we have to teach them how to bet...?
NEXT CHAPTER is planned for Friday and will feature...Lan Qiren's pov for the first time =)
Chapter 26: Do not hold grudges
Notes:
*Barges in like All Might* I am here...To bring you a new chapter! Surprise =) I forgot to tell so many things in the note last time, including when the chapter would be out xo I'm so sorry! I hope you'll like this one..
Beware it is, as the awesome beta-reader Fraudulent_Moose said, a mix between angst and humor. I Hope you're all ready.
Thank you as always for the amazing support this fic receives, I'm amazed by each comment and very moved by the fact you all take the time to share your opinion with me, so thanks again <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lan Qiren is exhausted. It’s a feeling that he is used to now, he wears it like his inner robe, has been doing it for the last ten years. I should not be the one doing this , he thinks, as he explains to Lan Huan why he will be visiting his mother alone tomorrow. The boy does not cry, but he says it’s unfair for Lan Zhan, and that the rules state they have to be fair, so asks why they can’t push their “visit day” to some other day. I should not be the one explaining this.
“A-Huan, your mother is not well. Your visit days with her are bound to her health, not yours. If it’s not tomorrow, then it’s not at all for a whole month.”
A-Huan doesn’t break the rule to cry, but he certainly swallows back tears. He turns his back and goes back to training without a word for his uncle. This is as furious as Lan Huan can be.
Lan Qiren hates this. He wanted to be a teacher, not a parent. But he had little choice in this matter. This is my life, now; and I have to accept it, he repeats to himself.
He repeats this, over and over again, as he works through the pile of documents, authorization and deals of a Sect leader. I should not be the one doing this.
He’s mentally repeated this sentence almost as many times as he made his two nephews recite the Lan Rules by now. It’s the little break in the wall of rules he holds in his heart.
When he brings the news to Lan Zhan, the very same evening, it doesn’t go very well either. The boys do not complain, and do not cry. But he rolls to the side offering his uncle his back and silence just like his older brother.
Once upon a time, Lan Qiren had loved silence. Silence should bring peace of mind, not suffering like this.
“You understand, A-Zhan, that I can't break the rules for you. Rules have to be the same for everyone.”
He already showed weakness for the rabbit shelter, because Cangse Sanren found a way to avoid the interdiction. ( Who is he kidding, it’s because the boy talked) But there is no way in this case. Unless he speaks, some part of his mind whispers, if he speaks, then what will you do? Will you crack once again? You can’t! You should not. You should be as inflexible as a rock.
Lan Zhan nods, but still does not look at him. He says nothing. So Lan Qiren leaves him to the care of the healers, and, ultimately, Cangse Sanren and her son. The woman stares at him as he exits, like he did something utterly wrong.
She knows nothing. She understands nothing! Lan Qiren shouldn’t be the one to do this in the first place! But he has no choice regarding this matter! It is his life now! He is not a teacher like he wished; he is the Sect Leader. He has no brother by his side, and instead has to take care of his two nephews when he never wanted children in the first place! Yet does he complain? No! Does he say bad things about the woman that ruined his life in front of her sons? No! He even takes them once a month visits her when he is so sure she says nothing but crap about him to them! Otherwise why would these two hate him so much, when he is the only one taking care of them? It drains all his force, all his energy.
He’s trying his best right now! He tries his best to make sure the two kids don’t end up as miserable as him, as their father and mother! That’s honestly the only thing he can do, the best he can offer them, the only goal he has in his future right now. He doesn’t have very much left to give.
If it means they hate him, that they don’t talk to him and offer him only their backs and silence, then so be it.
Cangse Sanren is just an outsider. She is a mother. How could she get what he is going through, when he has to remain an uncle. The hated and too-strict uncle.
But, as he lays down in his bed, that very night, he comes to the very same conclusion as he always does, for the last eight years.
Once upon a time, Lan Qiren loved many things, had taken them for granted. He had been complacent, lenient. He should have been vigilant, he should have seen the crack in his brother’s heart, and he certainly should have not used it, like he did.
He is paying the price for it.
The next day, after yet another sleepless night, Lan Qiren gathers his paperwork, takes A-Huan by the hand, and makes his way to the gentian house. Lan Huan is silent, he avoids his uncle's gaze.
She is waiting, as usual she opened all the sliding doors, to give the illusion of freedom.
He didn’t understand, years ago, why people longed for her , why his so perfect brother, among all those, fell for her charms. He still doesn’t get it. Yes, she is beautiful- as pretty as Cangse Sanren is. But paintings are beautiful too, do people want to bed them so much they shatter the peaceful order of their world for it? No!
The moment she sees her eldest son, she opens her arms and Lan Huan lets go of his uncle to meet her. He doesn’t run anymore, as he knows it is against the rules, and how important restraint is. That is Lan Qiren’s little victory.
She, however, does not know restraint, and as she pats her son’s head, she locks her gaze on Lan Qiren.
“Where is A-Zhan?”
“A-Zhan is sick and can’t make it today.”
“That’s not what we agreed on, you’re supposed to let me see them both.”
She looks furious. He doesn’t give her time to complain more and turns his back to her, to go to the very next house. It’s his brother who opens the door and lets him enter.
“Father!”
Lan Huan manages to get a glimpse from him, and even a smile:
“Enjoy your day with your mother A-Huan.”
Then he closes the door. As usual they walk to the main area, and Lan Qiren puts down all his scrolls on the desk there. His brother wastes no time, opening the first one to review it. While Lan Qiren watches the scene playing outside, through the nearby window.
“How is A-Zhan?” Asks his brother, patient.
“It’s a child’s cold, healers said it’s nothing serious.”
“Then why not bring him here?”
“You know why.”
“I played cleansing all month, she is free of Yin energy. Enough to be close to them.”
“Without turning Lan Zhan’s cold into something worse? Can you affirm it? Are you betting your son’s life on it?”
“Yes. I will not take anything else from her, Qiren. She has the right to see her sons. Both of them.”
“They’re your sons too.”
His brother smiles sadly, and his fingers brush the pouch at his belt, that contains his favorite musical instrument. Lan Qiren knows that each time they finish their monthly reunion, he starts playing while Lan Zhan and Lan Huan are with their mother. It breaks his heart; you could be with them, not just a song in the background, why do you inflict this upon yourself? He thinks.
Especially for such a woman, Lan Qiren knows why, but he does not understand. He doesn’t want to understand. He wants his brother back.
“And what about her? Are you sure she can handle a cold, if Lan Zhan is contagious?”
He points out her pale figure. His brother’s eyes fall on the curse marks on her skin. It’s still growing, soon enough, she will not be able to conceal it under her robes anymore. Then she will die. But for now she lives; and her body is so weak she can barely eat anything but soup. She sleeps all day. Lan Qiren knows, as much as he hates the woman, he reads what healers report.
“You’re not making me explain to A-Zhan his mother is dead because he gave her a cold.”
“She is not that weak.”
His brother’s lips thin. Lan Qiren remembers the rule about not fighting among family, and changes subject to avoid breaking it:
“You should go see A-Zhan, the healer in charge said it would help him get better sooner.”
“I will go if my wife is allowed to do the same.”
He sighs. You stubborn!- He breathes in. Sometimes his brother is as thick as a brick wall. He used to admire that, to think of it as a great quality and compared him to the wall of rules in front of the gate of the clan. Now he knows it is his biggest flaw.
“You know it’s not possible. We just talked about it. Just now .”
“Then I will not.”
Lately, Lan Qiren has started to believe that his brother will never come out of seclusion. That he will die here all alone, no one willing to be here for him. Lan Qiren tried and tried again, he used every excuse, he begged and bargained, but he is getting tired to hear each time the same answer, like some song with their everlasting refrain: “what about my wife?” When he thinks about resigning, about joining the ranks of people who would give up on him and abandon him to such fate, Lan Qiren feels like screaming again. He glances furiously at the woman, the true culprit, outside, who is currently listening fervently at Lan Huan. Unaware, once again, of all the troubles she brings in; embodiment of all the lies, betrayal and hurt that Cloud Recesses should not bear.
“She is not going to hurt him. You should know by now.”
His brother’s voice is calm, confident. Lan Qiren wishes he could be as sure as he is. But he is not.
“She killed our teacher.”
“You know she had a reason.” He says his face conflicted.
“I don’t believe her and neither should you! She has no proof! And even if she is saying the truth- which she is not -she still killed someone! Did your love change you so much that you think it’s okay to kill now ? ” He reminds him, an old argument coming back, as always.
What if she suddenly uses her son as a hostage, to flee? Threatens him with some homemade weapon? Lan Qiren knows it is unlikely, but he sure as hell can’t take the idea out of his mind. Did she even want Lan Huan in the first place? He is too afraid to know the truth to ask. So he still fears she might.
“Qiren…” His brother sighs. “What about the rule: hold no grudges?”
Like he is the one to talk; how many rules did he break, because of her? Because of me? One too many, one too much. If only, he thinks, as he always does when he enters this house. If only you had never met her! He made this wish a thousand times, he knows by now no god will grant him this, that nothing would change.Yet he can’t help it, because if he had never met her, then his brother would be Sect leader, and Lan Qiren would just be a teacher, his assistant, like he wanted, like he was raised to be. Like he dreamed.
Lan Qiren would not have been put in charge of everything at young age. Forced to learn duties that had never been fated to be his, to begin with. But most of all, the elders would have not pressured him to marry to produce an heir, because of course, given his older brother's seclusion, locked away from his so-called wife, they would never get any. Lan Qiren would never have to feel the pressure of the bloodline and would have been left alone in peace with his books and students.
He had tried to convince himself many times that he could bear such fate- to be married and have children; if he was ordered to. After all this is a man’s duty to build a family. It is the rule, it is normal. He repeated this lie over and over for years, sometimes to comfort himself and his doubts, sometimes even wishing they would even do that so he would not get any choice. But the day it happened he couldn’t. He couldn’t. He gave himself excuses: if he did such things, he would break more rules than he would respect. Maybe he just hadn’t found the right girl, after all Lan fell in love with their soulmate only, it’s normal he didn’t feel that way if he didn’t meet her. But facing the choice, facing the order, all his careful lies he repeated to himself shattered, his will crumbled and yet ironically left him with absolutely no doubt. Everyone has a breaking point. Lan Qiren realized that day what his was. He would not be able to lay with a woman, to love and respect her like she deserves. He wouldn’t be able to do it with anyone. He never quite understood why people would want to engage such activities in the first place; it was gross and embarrassing, he never struggled with desire like his classmates. He could face this truth now. And the truth brought this fear, refusal and the utter certitude that it would break him if he obeyed this order. So, Lan Qiren broke down, and ran to the only person he knew would listen and understand him. That would not judge him. He pleaded with his brother to do something, anything, but let the elders do this to him. Please save me. Like some petulant child who was too afraid to accept reality and responsibilities. Please, I can take anything, anything but that! Don’t force me! Please brother!
If he hadn’t, then maybe, his brother, his so loved brother, would have never stepped in another set of rules and sunk even lower. So low, that he would never, ever stand in the light ever again without crumbling to ashes. And he can remember the crackling laugh of this woman, as he confessed her his wrongs, as he tried to explain to her that he- him or his brother, he still didn’t know -didn’t mean this.
“Then what did you mean? What did you think he could do to help you? What did you want him to do?” She said this day.
I don’t know! Not this! Not that! I just wanted him to save me! I just didn’t want to break!
But it appears that someone had to break, no matter what.
Without this woman, his brother would still be perfect, and no one would know of this ugly crack in his morality, not even Lan Qiren.
I should have accepted my fate. He should have obeyed the rules. We all should have obeyed the rules. Surely, if we did, it wouldn’t be this bad. At least there would be order, a reason to their suffering. Maybe they would have all cracked, but the tear would be so tiny that no one would be able to notice it, and they would be all right. But he did not. And it’s too late now, too much wrong has been done.
Now he can’t close his eyes and unsee it. It’s too big, it’s too sharp, it’s there and it’s unfixable. He hates it as much as he loved and admired his brother. He shouldn’t, so much hate is forbidden; it swallows him whole, it paralyzes him and clouds his judgement. So he only leaves it here, in this house . When Lan Qiren figured grief, he imagined that it would be a hole in his chest, some emptiness he would never be able to fill, but it is not. When he grieves the future he had dreamed of, the brother he lost and the order of his world- it burns.
It burns the person he thought he was and could be, the person he respected once, and there’s nothing he can’t do to stop the flames from spreading.
He understands why hate is forbidden.
But at the same time, Lan Huan wouldn’t be there either, and now matter how much Lan Qiren hates his brother, hates this woman, hates himself for this whole situation, he can’t bring himself to hate the boy. He likes his nephew.
Lan Qiren is grateful too, and that’s the worst. If his brother hadn’t loved Lan Qiren this much, he would have never done that too...
In this damned situation, they can’t break apart love and hate anymore. It has become some ugly monster that is neither and both at the same time.
“Qiren...”
His brother looks as tired as Lan Qiren feels. He wishes the man could be as angry as him too, but at the same time he knows the anger would destroy the little bit left that remained of the man he admired so much.
“Someone has to stop holding a grudge, for this circle to be broken.” His brother says, again, like he said so many years ago, when he told in front of the whole clan that he would marry the bitch that murdered their teacher.
It has been his answer then, and it remains still, ever since. But he has failed to convince anyone, maybe he doesn’t even manage to convince himself and that is why he is still in seclusion. Why he will die there. Because no one can do that, no one can go past the hatred and the anger like he does. People once thought that Quinghengh-Jun was a heavenly blessing, something outstanding and out of this world, maybe they were right. Maybe indeed Lan Qiren’s brother didn’t fit in this time, this reality, this world. He is too kind to survive here.
But even this, this damned woman steps on it, and once told him, probably to hurt:
“You should hear him, Lan Qiren! Sometimes he sobs , and screams, and he breaks things around and curls up like some child throwing a tantrum. But does your clan hear him? No. because no one wants to. No one but me. That’s what Sects do, they give up on people when they have no more use. Your so-called perfect little Lan Clan is just like the others. No one listens to your damn rules!”
He wants to brush everything that woman says as lies. Even if she ever says the truth; then at the very least, Lan Qiren is the Sect Leader now. Willing or not. This is not his Lan Clan. He will make sure of that.
Lan Clan will be perfect under his rules, and no one will break it, break him, like they broke his brother. Not anymore. No matter how tired and angry he feels. How hated he becomes. Even if he has to be Sect Leader when he doesn’t want to. He can’t be a teacher in name, then he will be for Lan Zhan and Lan Huan. He can’t be their father, or uncle anyways- he can’t take that from his brother, he can’t bear this sin.
“What is-”
His brother suddenly stands up, if a little bit wobbly. His eyes are wide opened, as he stares at the window. Lan Qiren’s heart stops. That’s it. She did it. He stands up, ready to witness his worst fears come to life.
His worst fears are a blur. A blur that is strangely like Cangse Sanren, on her sword, holding Lan Zhan in her arms. A blurr that crashes on the gentian house’s roof with a loud crack.
Cangse Sanren will admit it’s not her most refined plan; nor her best landing. But she had done worse. Way worse. And it isn’t completely her fault: flying while sitting is way harder when you try to land! She would like people to try; then she would be the one laughing! What matters is that Lan Zhan is unharmed. It’s not her fault the roof is so fragile in the first place. Someone should have fixed it sooner! Now, she thinks as she stares at the hole above her, they will have no choice but repair that mess.
Well, I’m lucky neither Yu Ziyuan or my husband are here in the end! They would definitely scold me for that one.
She is not sure how she will untangle herself out of her ribbon, on her own, though, the weapon prevented her from falling and crashing on the ground, but now she is suspended at one wooden beam.
“Who are you?”
An unknown woman stares at her, her eyes widened by disbelief. Lan Huan, on her laps, jumps on:
“Cangse Sanren!” He smiles, as he notices his brother, held by the tip of the ribbon, waving in midair. “A-Zhan!”
“A-Zhan?”
The woman slowly stands out, and makes a few weak steps in the direction of her son. Lan Zhan blinks a few times and opens his arms, calling out for her:
“Mom!”
She cautiously untangles him and takes him to shelter in her eyes. Great! Thinks Cangse Sanren, Now can you do the same for me?
She’s currently upside down, and the blood is rushing to her head, giving her a headache. But instead of caring for the stranger, the woman puts her forehead against her younger son’s one.
“You do have a bit of fever…”
A-Zhan whispers something to her ears, so soft no one can hear it, then pushes her face away. She smiles back:
“Don’t worry my little bunny, I won't get sick. Mom is stronger than your little cold!”
Lan Huan lets out a relieved sigh, and turns to Cangse Sanren. His little head bends to the right, then to the left (she is dangling) trying to hold her gaze.
“Where is Wei Wuxian?”
Cangse Sanren beams, very proud of this part of her plan:
“At the infirmary, making sure no one noticed I took your Lan Zhan there!”
And possibly, making a big mess of the place, because she told him to make sure the healers are kept very busy. When she told him it was for making Lan Zhan smile and stop crying, he took the mission to heart. She knows her son well, he is probably having a lot of fun. More fun than her, that’s for sure...
Lan Huan looks again at his brother, and notices the different robes he is wearing. A-Ying’s spare set. He hadn’t realized because Cangse Sanren had wrapped him inside a blanket. She is not that unresponsible, after all the kid is sick. He doesn’t ask where his brother’s clothes are, and smiles, amused at the thought.
Wait. Didn’t I promise to not let my son out of my sight, ever again? She vaguely recalls, her blood turning cold. Crap!
“How do you know where the house was?” Asks the mother, suspicious.
“Lan Zhan pointed the directions for me!” She answers, trying to convince herself that A-Ying is safe and secure in the infirmary with the best Lan she knows.
Lan Zhan hides his head in the crook of his mother’s neck, conscious he did something bad. More than Cangse Sanren is, at the very least. He probably whispers something to his mother again because she pats his head and murmurs:
“I wanted to see you too, I missed you…”
She is beautiful, decides Cangse Sanren. If a little too thin and pale; but she supposes sickness does that to one’s body. She also has her youngest’s golden eyes, but her eldest’s soft features. When the woman asks Lan Huan to get away from Cangse Sanren and get back to his mother’s side instead.
That’s this very moment that Lan Qiren decides to barge in. Which is not something Cangse Sanren had planned; she was supposed to be stealthy and get in and out of the house without anyone noticing after all. Before she could at least sneak in without being noticed, even though discretion has never been her forte, let’s be honest.
But heck if she is going to admit it, and as soon as the man appears before her, she tries her best to act natural; as if she has every right to be there and is totally not caught red-handed (and upside down, hanging from the ceiling because of the tangled mess of her spiritual weapon).
“Lan Qiren! What a coincidence meeting you here!” She smiles innocently.
And then Quinghengh-Jun is the second to enter the house. He looks as pale as his wife, but certainly well trained and kept. Does he work out in his so-called seclusion? She supposes he has too, or he would be bored to death by now. She decides to not harass him with questions and instead waves at him:
“Qinheng-Jun! Qingheng-Jun! Nice to see you! It’s me Cangse Sanren! Do you remember me?”
The man’s eyes narrow, and for a moment he looks like he truly doesn’t. Aouch. That stings. She is usually the one who forgets people and is rude to them!
“Ah…” He finally says. “You were better at breaking in, in the past. I remember our guards always complaining about how they could never guess how you passed under their noses.”
Cangse Sanren winkes and laughs: “I still got the breaking part right!”
She is the only one finding her joke funny, because even the woman stares at the hole in ceiling with a frown; then she turns to Lan Qiren and smiles:
“Seems like I will have to sleep elsewhere.”
Lan Qiren turns dangerously red, she reminds him to breathe, and he points her with his finger. Which is difficult because she is still swinging left and right.
“YOU!”
“Me?”
He gurgles and a vicious burp or blood escapes his lips. For a moment, Cangse Sanren is really afraid that she killed Lan Qiren right on the spot. But, the man raises up, blood still leaking on his chin and barks:
“GET OUT OF MY CLAN!”
He seems about to drag her out, but his brother steps in and shakes his head, seemingly saying through some telepathic bond they share “I will take care of it.” So Lan Qiren storms out of the house, forgetting everything else. Cangse Sanren can’t help but stick her tongue at his fleeing back. Qinheng-Jun stares at her, judging her childish action with a look, and finally says to Cangse Sanren with a sorry smile:
“I’m afraid you are going to be kicked out.”
“Lucky you,” Whispers his wife, hugging Lan Zhan and Lan Huan tighter.
She thought the risk she took was calculated...But Gods she is really bad at math...That...Is not something she considered when she imagined what was the worst thing the Lan could do in retaliation. She supposes she hadn’t given the question long enough to think about it. You see, that’s why it’s not me in charge of the plan! At least Jiang Fengmian would have thought of a countermeasure for this. Wei Changze would have made sure they would never get caught! Yu Ziyuan would probably have scared anyone out of their idea to dare punish her. Cangse Sanren just stares, deadpanned and unable to believe it: surely, he can't do that? Right? They've been there only for a week and a half! A-Ying still needs his treatment! They can't kick her out and keep A-Ying, right?
Damn you really screwed up with that landing!
The only good point in all of this, is that, for them to kick her out of Cloud Recesses, it means they will have to get her down from there. The sooner the better because she is really about to throw up.
Notes:
I hate putting a clear label on things like sexuality (since it's a very complicated matter that changes for everyone and is something very personal). So you are totally free to interpret Lan Qiren's inner monologue as you want, as you see fit / as you relate the most too, of course.
Oh and the usual question, this time it's not about the plot or the POV...
Would you like it, if I added a summary of each chapter in the end notes? I read a lot of fan fiction myself lately and I'm often like "wait what happened last chapter in this fic??" without having the time to go back an re-read last chapter too...So, would you like it? Would you find it helpful? If so, would you rather have it in the end note of the chapter, or at the starting note on the next chapter? (Like getting a summary of chapter 25, on the note before the text of chapter 26...)
Next chapter is going to be back on Cangse Sanren's pov and you will learn a little bit more about Babies Lan's parents ! It will be up on Sunday ^^
Chapter 27: A song in a silent room
Notes:
Hi everyone!!
I'm so happy with the response of last chapter, it is exactly was I wanted, with people siding left and right x) Thank you, you're all awesome. Some comments were especially moving <3This chapter was described as bittersweet by the awesome Beta-Reader Fraudulent_Moose! So be prepared.
I listened to this duet : https://youtu.be/y9bAGmj1NFI?list=RDMMg2s-4KU8aLo while writing a whole section of the story (you might guess which one). Listen to it f you want, it's not especially needed but I thought it would be cool to share it anyways ^^People voted, and almost everyone asked for a summary of the previous chapter, I've started editing the previous chapters to add it...And I will do it from now on...So...Here it is:
Summary of the previous chapter --> While Lan Qiren brought Lan Huan to the Gentian house, he discussed with his brother about Lan Zhan's cold and Madam Lan's condition, unfortunately Quigenhg-Jun refuses to see his son if his wife is not allowed to do it as well. Lan Qiren, overwhelmed by anger and old grudges, argued with him, trying to force him out of seclusion...Despite the years, he still felt guilt over the fall of his beloved brother, and anger, so much anger for himself and the woman who made him trip. He argued until something crashed into the Gentian House next door : Lan Zhan's cold should have prevented him from visiting his mother this month, but Cangse Sanren stepped on courtesy rules and decided to take the matter in her hands. Furious about her rudeness, he barged out, decided to kick her out of Cloud Recesses, leaving Cangse Sanren tangled in her mess, hanging from the ceiling between Madam Lan, her husband, and their two children.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Qingheng-Jun proves himself once again to be a better Lan than his brother, as he shows mercy on Cangse Sanren and gets her down. It’s a bit embarrassing when she explains to him that she can’t walk anymore, and he has to carry her to the terrace. His wife still stares at the ceiling like she could fix it with the power of her mind.
“You can live in my house,” his husband says. “While it’s being fixed.”
She flinches. He reacts immediately:
“I can live here in your stead. We will just have to switch.”
Her features softens but her body is still tenses, as she whispers:
“Thank you…”
Qingheng-Jun simply nods and answers pitifully:
“I’m sorry.”
Lan Zhan watches his father carefully, as his mother reaffirms her hold on him, takes Lan Huan’s tiny hand, and drags them all out. She finds shelter in her husband’s house; just before she closes the door, Qingheng-Jun says:
“I will make sure you have a full day with them, as promised. Be careful of Lan Huan, he is at a dangerous stage of core formation, he can’t afford to be sick.”
She doesn’t answer but nods.
Cangse Sanren watches the scene painfully, that could have gone better.
Qingheng-Jun sits beside her, in a perfect lotus position, and from a pouch, he gets out a guzheng. As they hear echoes of his wife and Lan Huan’s conversation, glimpses of silhouettes behind the round window, he starts to play a soft song. Lan Huan smiles at him when he hears the first notes and returns to play right after it. Before long, Cangse Sanren can hear the woman hums back. Shyly first, then the sound gains confidence and resounds around. At first it’s like she’s trying to cover the melody with her own, but soon enough the two merge in harmony, making a new melancolic tune. To her profane ears, it’s weird, Quinghengh-Jun’s music is hesitant. It is experimenting it, savoring it, analyzing it before accepting it. It’s like someone testing his voice, humming the beginning of the song before settling for a rather okay sound, before going for lyrics. His wife’s sound is different, her voice is cheerful and full of hope, overwhelming with confidence, like a dancer waiting for her partner to join in, her body moving with this missing part as if it’s still there, her hand never lowering down, knowing they will, one day. Their themes don’t work along, and yet their songs mix in a beautiful duet. Each melody must be pretty on its own, but together, it’s wonderful.
It might just be the way their feeling connects, echoes of words they can’t say to each other, separated by this tiny distance, that somehow now feels so far.
People are bound to be alone, prisoners of their own body, not being able to fully understand the other even if they wish to. That’s why couples meet halfway, that’s what Cangse Sanren sincerely believes, some use words, some touches, and some, like the one before her eyes, develop their own way. Each voice and feeling, the sound resounds, going as far as they can before they can become one new song, just like this little scene before her.
Cangse Sanren can’t help but think at first, that she is an intruder, a false note in the symphony their little family forms right now. The one that screws up the whole show. But as she closes her eyes and listens, she knows she’s not. She’s the only listener of this secret concert, the only one that can say how beautiful and perfect the sound is. She might not participate, She might not be on stage with them, or know the whole story behind this, but she’s there with them nonetheless, and feels whatever they feel.
It is a little sad that no one in this clan is willing to hear what the family shares, in the secrecy of the houses surrounded by gentians.
It’s their loss.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t regret bringing Lan Zhan here; he seems happy in his mother's arms, as he is lulled to sleep by his mother’s voice and his father’s instrument.
But she can’t help but imagine what the consequences will be for them, once the melody ends.
“You really think I’m going to be kicked out?” She asks Qingheng-Jun. “I was supposed to stay for a full month...”
“Why?”
She pauses for a moment, but decides that, since she is going to ask him about his seclusion and the secret they’re all hiding, she at least owes him the truth.
“My son is sick: sleep demon paralysis, a rare case, apparently.”
“I see. Then sorry he is sick. But I'm glad to learn that you and your husband have a son.”
She smiles back.
“Yep! And I see you have two! Congratulations!”
But Qingheng-Jun’s expression hardens at her words, definitely not the face of a proud father. She doesn’t know him much, so can’t pinpoint the exact emotion that distorts his features before he hides it under the mask of a Lan.
“My brother might be angry at you, but he won’t let your son go if he is still sick, he will make arrangements for you to be kicked out and for your son to still be cured. Do not worry. Besides, to make such a decision against a host, he will have to convince our elders. You will be able to stay a couple of days still.”
“You seem so sure they will agree to kick me out!”
“You saw her. There is no turning back now.”
Cangse Sanren can’t help but think that it is overly dramatic, even for Lan Clan. But then she thinks again and remembers that the student they were so proud of, the perfect Lan of their generation is currently in seclusion with her. That her presence here made Lan Qiren snap like none of her jokes and pranks ever did, not even shaving his beard. So yeah. Maybe he is right about this.
“It’s really that bad? How bad, on a scale that of “Oops,” to “It’s the end of the world”?”
It doesn’t help to see Qingheng-Jun really takes the time to think about his answers.
“Probably on the “if you talk it might start another sect war” point.”
She gulps, and for a moment she considers the possibility that Qingheng-Jun is making a joke. Then she remembers he is Lan and Lan Qiren’s brother. Oh Fuck. She really miscalculated the risk on this one.
“Well since I’m already in this deep, I might as well know why!” She turns to him, wearing her nerves on her skin. “Tell me everything.”
Qingheng-Jun opens his eyes and looks back;
“It is not a pretty story.”
“I figured as much already.”
Otherwise why would they be hidden so far away, why would the distance between wife and husband seem so far away, when they are so close in their shared song?
“You might be better off not knowing.” He says.
“You know, your whole Lan mindset with “I keep all my dark secrets and emotions inside, and then one day, I will die” is pissing me off. One day it’s going to blow up in your face!”
Qingheng-Jun looks at the window where they can see his wife and kids play, his shoulders drops;
“It already has.”
Then he still stays silent. For a moment Cangse Sanren understands Yu Ziyuan’s anger toward Jiang Fengmian and his withdrawal. But Jiang Fengmian never had that this bad. So she growls and warns him:
“I’m not leaving this place without knowing why I'm being kicked out. You can chase me, I'll be back and break in until I get answers. See it as saving your clan’s roofs.”
He looks up at the hole on the ceiling, where, luckily, neither her sword nore ribbon are hanging anymore. She puts them down besides her, and she will not hesitate to use it again. It’s then he decides:
“Do you remember the curse that spread twenty years ago?”
“How could I not?”
It is partially because of this curse that youngsters like her made a name for themselves. Most of the previous generation of cultivators fell under this disaster, including Jiang Fengmian’s parents. It killed hundreds of strong cultivators, yet inexperienced disciples survived it with ease. The total opposite of how a curse is supposed to work: normally the higher spiritual level you have, the more resistant you are.
She witnessed a case, once. She was a teenager, and so felt invincible; not a single bit afraid of getting sick, because, why would she? It is not a memory she is very fond of, and would even go as say she would be better off without.
The curse usually started with a simple black spot on your skin; as if you simply let a drop of ink spill on it. Then it grew larger and larger, until your entire body turned as dark as charcoal. It swallowed your spiritual power, sucked it out completely, and you could not transfer any bit of it back. It left you defenseless and weak.
Cangse Sanren didn’t stay to see how it killed its victim, after that point, she didn’t want to know. The only thing she could do at the time was take on jobs that older night-hunters couldn’t do anymore. This period allowed a lot of rogue cultivators to shine, and minor sects to rise; probably as many as it destroyed.
They still didn’t know what, or who, caused it, how it appeared, how you contracted it, why some seemed immune to it, why others contracted it for a whole year, while others died so fast...And how it disappeared exactly. Lots of people still believe it is a disease, and not a curse, as it would explain why people with high cultivation levels died when they should have not.
Cangse Sanren might not be that good at planning and being cautious, but she is very good at guessing; you have to when you’re a rogue cultivator. The Lan heir went into seclusion ten years ago, and got married. The curse disappeared, suddenly, ten years go too, now that she thinks about it. One day it simply stopped and no one got sick again.
Qingheng-Jun said that it could cause a war between the sects.
She stares, once again, at the figure playing with the Lan kids, only a few feets away, a shiver running down her spine.
“Is she the one behind the curse?”
How is she even alive? People affected tried to bounce the curse back to its casters many times, it never worked! Hence another reason why the disease theory spread so fast too.
Qingheng-Jun sighs.
“That’s what our elders believe. She has the mark of the rebound on her skin, and while it still didn’t kill her yet, it is a matter of time before it does.”
The revelation sends a shiver down her spine, and for a moment she is very happy to have disobeyed Lan Qiren and brought Lan Zhan here so he could enjoy his mother’s presence while he still can. Still that’s pretty irrefutable evidence! So why...Why does he look so unsure?
“What do you believe, then?”
“I…”
He hesitates. The answer is evident; if he believed such things, would he have married her? Would he let her play with his sons? Would he share a secret song together? Would the woman even still be alive, and not burned down in a grand ceremony gathering all the survivors of all the sects affected by the curse? No. Of course not! There’s more to it than that.
“I don’t know who to believe anymore.” Qingheng-Jun confesses sadly, as his fingers curl on the cord of his instrument.
“Is that why you left your sect leader’s responsibilities to Lan Qiren?”
He pauses.
“Among many other reasons: I shouldn’t be looked up to as a model, first, and the clan deserves someone who firmly believes they are right and in its rules to lead them. Someone who trusts his own judgment.”
“A clan also needs someone who can see when they’re wrong.”
Cangse Sanren blinks, as the woman stands right before them. She hadn’t realized the music had stopped before the woman opened her mouth to say this. It is aimed at her husband, of course, if her frown is any indication. Lan Huan, right at her side, looks at his parents, confused, not knowing where to stand, with or between them. And she kneels down to pats his head;
“Let’s take care of the flowers together, A-Huan?”
As the boy nods and goes to get what they need for gardening, she adjusts a sleeping Lan Zhan’s on her back, tightening the blanket holding him around her waist. Then turns to Cangse Sanren.
“There’s something hidden under my bed, if you remove the third slat of the wood floor. Take it.”
Qingheng-Jun is as surprised as Cangse Sanren. But unlike her, he can move, and immediately rises to his feets to get what she’s talking about. He comes back with a jade token and two big piles of letters tied together and a puzzled expression. When he hands it to Cangse Sanren she can feel some spiritual power inside the pendant. It reminds her the artefact they used to pass through the wards of Cloud Recesses...
“What is this?”
“Letters. For A-Huan and A-Zhan.”
“Why are you giving me this?”
“I’m afraid they might destroy it if they find it, when I’m gone.” Cangse Sanren’s breath stops a the implication, but Madam Lan continues: “ Would you be so kind as to keep it for me and give it to them if you ever see them again?”
“I promised you,” whispers Qingheng-Jun carefully, is he not looking at the letters though, but at the jade token in particular, “That once you’re gone, we’ll use inquiry or empathy, and see what truly happened to you. They won’t be able to deny this. You don’t need...”
“Do you really think they will allow that? Empathy is dangerous, they think I’m dangerous, they will never allow anyone to take the risk, especially not A-Huan or A-Zhan. Once I’m dead they will…”
“I will take the empathy risk then and-”
“Then they will say you’re lying because you’re blinded by love. There is no way out of this.”
Cangse Sanren doesn’t understand everything that is happening, but she senses distress and hurriedness in the way she speaks. Is the woman’s sickness really that bad? So bad that she already has to plan for what comes after her passing?
“What are you two talking about? There’s someone who doesn’t know about your circumstances here and needs explanations!”
She shows the letters: “I don’t mind giving it to your sons...But what is this?” She takes the token.”I can feel power inside it!”
The woman sighs:
“You know how a soul can be broken in pieces upon death, if traumatized?”
“Our souls are already split in the first place,” says Qingheng-Jun, who is definitely Lan Qiren’s brother, judging by how easily he gets into tutoring mode. “It’s the basic concept of soul mates.”
His wife rolls her eyes at that. Cangse Sanren does not have time for that, she sums up the lesson for him:
“True, true… Our souls are incomplete in the first place, and can split even further, due to curse, disease, trauma or even some demonic ritual. Death too. So what?”
The woman points to the pendant: “That contains a very small part of my soul.”
Cangse Sanren drops it; she catches it back before it hits the ground and holds it with a renewed caution. She never heard that such a thing was possible: willingly fragmenting your soul while remaining alive or conscious of the split, to trap it inside an object! Soul splitting is a rare occurrence that is entirely different, and only happens at birth. Her only knowledge of rituals doing such things are from demonic cultivation! The very act of willingly splitting one’s soul is taboo...Yet the energy pulsing inside her hand is not resentful; on the contrary, it is almost soothing. Cangse Sanren is confused. Energy is Energy, she often bickers with her husband, but she stands her ground.
“Is it a new ritual you came up with? One that does not use resentful energy?”
“It is very close to small ghost possession, but with spiritual energy and not resentful, indeed… ” The woman explains: “The Lan Sect thinks of it as demonic cultivation. But it is a secret technique of my clan. It allows people to see the memories of the human soul. When I die, the ritual will be complete, the remaining parts of my soul will join this fragment and it will become an artefact, capable of holding all that I knew, all that I thought and felt.”
She heard Baoshan Sanren talk about sealing techniques that force a soul to remain there to feed it with their life energy. But it causes it to disappear into the void once the seal breaks. So maybe not. But with some alteration...If you seal memories in this object, then split the soul and consumes it slowly then may-
“A seal?” She tries to see if she’s heading in the right direction.
“Not really.”
This is impossible . Cangse Sanren thinks best, her brain working on fumes, scattering her knowledge everywhere and shouting theories left and right so fast she can barely grab a full concept:
“Like a ghost? A ghost willingfully staying in this realm without being resentful?”
The woman shakes her head though: “Close enough, I might be able to answer some questions, but it won’t really be me either. Not completely. My death will activate the artifact and complete the ritual.”
“It slows down your reincarnation process…The dead will only be able to move on once the object is broken and all the borken part of the soul return to the underworld to be one once again” Protests Qingheng-Jun.
His wife smiles as if it’s the last thing she cares about, and it hurts Cangse Sanren to see someone value their own life so little. Her husband sometimes smiles like that too. Yet she can’t keep her mind out of this ritual. This sounds so impossible. And she can understand why the Lan clan would find this demonic, even if it’s somehow true. Dead people should head on to their next life. But it is also revolutionary. Amazing! If it truly does not rely on using resentful energy, then how come the Clan who uses this did not rise and become one of the main forces of the world?
“Please,” Then woman repeats, bringing back Cangse Sanren back to earth. “If the Lan Clan finds this once I die, they will destroy it. I want my sons to know my version of the events.”
“I’m afraid she is right.” Agrees Qingheng-Jun, sadly.
Cangse Sanren frowns.
Lan Huan is coming back, and she turns back to him, cutting her explanation short:
“Will you do it?”
Cangse Sanren doesn’t know what to say but yes, pressured by the time. She regrets it instantly, as she doesn’t know shit still about this whole story. Relieved, the woman turns to her boy, waking up Lan Zhan with her movement.
“A-Huan, why don’t we plant flowers around your father’s house too?”
Lan Huan hums, and they both move a little farther away, out of sight. Cangse Sanren is still shaken, so shaken that she almost misses how Qingheng-Jun uses his own pouch to put the jade token and the letters inside, before putting it in her lap.
“Take it. Thank you for...accepting this deal.”
“What is the meaning of this? What the heck is going on Qingheng-Jun?!”
Why does the Lan Clan seem dead set on silencing this woman to the point she is relying on such a way? Why did he marry someone whose clan uses such techniques, what happened to this amazing clan that can split one’s soul in such a revolutionary way? Who cursed those people all those years ago? Aren’t Lan supposed to be righteous? Why are they in seclusion? Why is all of this so complicated?! Maybe their sons deserve their side of the story; surely they do, but what about her? Doesn't she deserve some too, since she accepted to carry their words?
She looks at the pouch, where the token is hidden; the woman said it will be completed once she is dead. Which means the thing can’t be activated yet, right? But once she does (and she hopes it’s not soon), how do you activate it? With a catch phrase, by putting it on your neck? She wants to know so bad, this artefact is so exciting a whole new technique she doesn’t know about! URGH! This trip is nothing but frustrations over frustrations! She should have known, she is at Cloud Recesses after all!
Qingheng-Jun seems to understand her a little bit, but he looks at the pathway that leads to the gentian house. His shoulders drops in resignation:
“It will have to wait. I can hear my brother coming back with people. You will probably have to go.”
“Qingheng-Jun!” She protests. “I’m not leaving without knowing the truth!”
He hesitates and looks at the ceiling one last time.
“I can't’ break my seclusion...But i will find a way to tell you, to send you a message of explanation before you go…”
She knows that if this is truly a problem that could make the sect go to war, he won’t be able to write anything down! Yet he seems so sure of himself as he says that, she can’t help but trusts - that he will keep his words. She doesn’t know him much, but the man she met, years ago, was not a liar.
“I...My son has a cat.” She says. “Wufa. He is training him to carry messages.”
Her brain is working on fumes, fast, too fast for her to completely analyze her words before it goes past her lips. But Qingheng-Jun seems to adapt and nods.
“Send it to me then.”
They don’t have time to plan much more than that, before a dozen of Lan disciples arrive at the house, Lan Qiren in the center, and firmly order Cangse Sanren to follow them.
Notes:
Next chapter should arrive on Tuesday ^^
I go back to work this week, wish me luck ! è3é
Don't worry though it won't slow down this fic ; I'm currently working on chapter 43 xD I have like 5 weeks of chapters secured...Thank you, as always for your amazing support, I don't think I have any question for you this time. Ah! Yes, sorry, yes I have one. On a scale to one from ten...how much do you hate me for having to delay this revelation about Lan parents, too? Cause I've rewrote those couple of chapter (the last one and this one) around five times, trying to put revelations about them, (in this very chapter) but it didn't fit well and so I decided to do what I usually do...Just give you crumbs of the truth for now. Sorry =x
Chapter 28: Off we go!
Notes:
Thank you once again for all your amazing comments and the support <3 I'm here with a new chapter corrected once again by Fraudulent_Moose!
Previous chapter summary --> Cangse Sanren crashed to the Gentian House and met Madam Lan, a sick woman who the Lan elders believed are the responsible for the curse that spread years ago. Her existence and the admittance of her crime, as well as the fact that their precious heir married her, would throw the whole world into another Clan war, or so said Qingheng-Jun. Despite this fact, Cangse Sanren witnessed the bond between the little family and the secret song they all share inside their seclusion ; she couldn't believe that the truth was this simple, and so asked for more informations. Unable to give her the answer she seeked before the Lan Elders arrived to chase Cangse Sanren away, Madam Lan and Qingheng-Jun gave Cangse Sanren two things : a bunch of letters for Lan Zhan and Lan Huan, and a strange token that hold a little bit of Madam Lan's soul. A token that would allow people to see her past and memories, but will only activate at her death. Qingheng-Jun also promised to send Cangse Sanren another message later, via Wufa, Wei Ying's cat.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren’s remaining day is shitty. As a troublemaker, she is used to being scolded, so used to it that it usually barely affects her when people scream and point fingers...But Lan are funny because they try very hard to conceal their anger and talk with a calm voice; which is not what they truly feel, if Lan Qiren’s face color is any indication at all. Yet they silence her: with that damn spell, which is clearly not fair and not very pleasant. She does feel a little sorry to have angered Lan Qiren, after he acted so nicely towards her...So she endures it.
The thing is that Cangse Sanren is not from Yunmeng Jiang Sect- technically, so they can’t threaten the Sect through her apparently. (Which is cool, she is pretty sure Wen Ruohan wouldn’t have bothered about such details if she had angered him). But also, she is a guest at their place, not a student; so they also can’t discipline her either. Definitely a win on her part. (See, her plan wasn’t so stupid!) The elders guess she learned nothing during her little break out too. Either because they still have little trust in Qingheng-Jun to get her under control, or because when they asked “what did you know? Answer us!'' It was a bad decision to snap back “What if I refuse to answer? What are you gonna do? Silence me again?” because this is what they do.
“Whatever you saw. You will not speak of it to anybody but us.” One of the elders claims, and she feels the surges of energy hit her lips.
She is not sure what happens. She feels okay and not hurt at all, but can’t deny that they did something; the silencing spell feels different, it prickles on her tongue. But right now what pisses her off is that she hadn’t learned much, except this tiny bit about the curse with absolutely no proof or explanation to back it up. So who would she talk to about it anyways? Somehow the fact that she ignores the truth is still working in her favor, that leaves the Lan only one option: cling to their lies and apparent dignity.
“You disturbed our member’s seclusion and interrupted his wife’s sick-rest. This is a grave offense, and as such you are banned from entering Cloud Recesses in the future! ”
Aouch! Someone just pulled one strand of her hair! Is it to make sure the barrier would recognize her? Cangse Sanren feels her chest grow tighter, the situation too familiar.
Aw! She’s gonna cry. Another mountain she is kicked off! As if she wanted to be there with their restrictive rules in the first place! She can’t protest because of another silencing spell, so she stares at them angrily instead.
Elders then talk about her son, and how he will still get cured given the circumstance, as if they could keep him here, while they chased her away . Fools! All of them! It’s not enough to separate babies Lan from their mother, they have to inflict such things to other kids too? Like hell she would allow this!
Lan Qiren probably gets his murderous glare because he steps up at this point:
“You will depart in two days. Be ready for that. As for your son, we will send you a family of our healers so they can continue the treatment at Lotus Pier. They will come back after this with the incense burner as well, so you better deal with it while you have it.”
She knows she has to thank him, but the silencing spell is conveniently forcing her to shut up. So. Too bad. Well, she is not going to congratulate him for being a decent human capable of understanding parenthood basics. Maybe he should try to apply his logic right now to his situation though. Yeah, it’s probably for the better she is under the silent spell, she would say many things she shouldn’t along with the polite thank you.
Elders protest a bit, for show, but finally agree with their Sect leader. So apparently she pissed them off so much they’re willing to lend them some precious Lan when they first refused this option (probably scared they would steal away their technique) the first time. And they get to go back on their word and refuse to lend her their mystical toy now. Wow! She really outdid herself on this one. Wei Changze will be so proud! ….Yu Ziyuan will be so angry! Jiang Fengmian…
Well she is glad she isn’t bringing him troubles, at the very least.
Once they’re done, she is kindly brought back to her room. A-Ying is already there, playing with his kitten under the watchful eyes of her favorite Lan. He is wearing Lan Zhan’s robe still and seems very proud of himself.
“Mommy!” He chirps proudly. “I annoyed them until they threw me out! Look!”
Same, sweetheart, same... She thinks, a little bit stressed.
Besides him, there’s two guards. Which is new. Apparently she is kept under watch for her two remaining days here. That sucks.
“You said I would be in less trouble…” She tells Lan Yuan, pouting, when he arrives to visit- and retrieve the second master’s clothes.
“I still said you’d get in trouble.” The man answers back, eyeing the guards. “It seems my family and I will accompany you to Lotus Pier to pursue the ritual.”
His smile looks somewhat strained, but she decides to ignore this for now, they will have lots of time to deal with that in the future after all.
Well. That could have been worse , she supposes. That could also have gone better, but she decides not to focus on that.
“Mommy, did I help Lan Zhan?” Asks A-Ying, as she stares at the window. She kisses the top of his head, and tells him he did. The Lan healer looks somewhat doubtful, as he leaves the room, but she thinks so. Lan Zhan is with his mother, after all, and with a little bit of hope, he will be for the rest of the day, as his father promised. Didn’t Lan Yuan say that parents’ presence during sickness is good? She looks at the pouch she still carries, linked to her sword and ribbon, and her heart squeezes under the frustration.
She looks at her son, and Wufa , the kitty, who is currently trying to climb on A-Ying’s shoulders.
“A-Ying...It seems we’re going to be stuck here for a while.”
“No library anymore?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“No Lan zhan? and Lan Huan? It’ll be boring!”
“I know sweetheart...That’s why I’m thinking about something. You remember your promise to not train your kitty to deliver a message until we’re back at Lotus Pier?”
“A-Cheng promised! But…” The boy pauses with a mischievous smirk. “Not me!”
That’s definitely her husband’s son and she is so proud of him she could shower him with kisses until he drops on the ground giggling. She refrains though, as they have training to start. Lots of work and so little time.. .
She is going to have her answers before getting kicked out of Cloud Recesses, she swears. A tiny voice inside her brain, which sounds a lot like Jiang Fengmian’s voice, whispers You really learned nothing from your errors... She decides to ignore it, like she always does, because once the water is spilled and the jar is broken, the least you could do is wash the ground with it instead of wasting it. Right?
Training the kitten fortunately keeps her mind busy. It’s tough work, though. Way harder than she imagined. First because the pet has no idea where to go and doesn’t know who to deliver the message to...And second because he immediately drops on the floor the moment you wrap any paper on his collar; as if it weighs too much for him. Such drama! Should have named him DramaQueen, instead of Wufa. It doesn't matter how much A-Ying cuddles him and soothes him, his only answer is licking his balls and not moving at all.
Also, when the Lan comes for the ritual that night, none of them talk or even look at her. As if they are also pissed at her; as much as Lan Qiren is.
Well fuck you! That’s what she is doing anyways, she’s in too deep and if they wanted her to behave they should have not let her come without her husband (who is 90% of her impulse control), in a place where everything tells you to act well! Or without Yu Ziyuan to throw her in the river before she could get into any shit.
Wait. The woman didn’t come, because she personally asked her not too.
Hu…Being locked is not good for her mind! How can Madam Lan and Quingheng-Jun stand this for ten years?! She is already going crazy after only a few incense sticks...
Needlessly to say, her night is awful; she oscillates between feeling trapped inside, guilty because she should apologize to Lan Qiren, she knows, but also frustrated because she doesn’t know what she wants and is angry at the Lan for acting all righteous while doing things like this behind everyone’s back!
She is, however, greeted to a very good surprise in the morning. As A-Ying is currently trying to not look bored, sitting upside down on a chair while his kitty does not get any delivery of messages done, when they hear a tiny whistle sound.
Immediately A-Ying jumps on his feet, and rushes to the window. He smiles as he recognizes the two people standing a little bit below. Cangse Sanren takes a little more time to join, but she manages.
Babies Lan! It is Lan Huan and Lan Zhan. The youngest boy is wrapped in a warmer robe, but he looks okay, and clings to his brother’s ribbon tails as usual. That’s a quick recovery! The oldest boy smiles at them and waves his hand, still holding the flute-whistle they used for their hide-and-seek games. Promptly she lifts the boys from the ground and hurries them inside, closing the window. She doesn't know how he managed to sneak out like that; but she is very proud of him!
“Lan Zhan! You’re better?” Asks A-Ying.
Without warning A-Ying tries to press his forehead to Lan Zhan’s to check temperature, and manages to headshot him instead. Both boys whine and kneel, hurting for a couple of seconds, and it’s very hard to not laugh. (But she can’t, it would warn the guards!).
“I’m so happy to see you!” She whispers instead. “What are you doing here? How did you get away from your uncle?” She asks Lan Huan.
“Uncle said you are leaving tomorrow so I told him we had to say goodbye, but he said no. I told him it would not be polite...but he still said no. So...hm...I told uncle I would teach Lan Zhan in the library like usual and…”
Here they are! Cangse Sanren definitely is a bad influence on them, but can't bring herself to feel guilty for this. She turns to Lan Zhan and smiles:
“I see you’re healed…”
A-Ying is currently rubbing Lan Zhan’s forehead to make the pain go away and the boy tries his best to avoid any contact, yet still manages to answer her statement with a firm nod. It was, indeed, just a child's cold.
“Did you manage to spend the whole day with your parents yesterday?” She asks Lan Huan. The boy’s eyes sparkle.
“Yes! And we even had father closer than usual! And I saw father talk to mother when we left!”
She doesn’t know why the boy is happy about that, but as long as he is, then it’s all good. At the very least her mistake didn’t make everyone miserable!
“Did your father give you something for me before you left, by any chance?”
Lan Huan frowns, then he shakes his head.
“Uncle never allows us to bring anything back. He says we have to let the mother keep her belongings or it’s stealing. He checks.”
Not even a cloth with her scent? Or flowers? Cangse Sanren is considering not apologizing to Lan Qiren at this point, he is too strict with the kids! She knows she is too lenient with her own, Wei Changze often reminds her that she has to be A-Ying’s mother and not his friend, but still! There has to be a middle ground between her educational method and Lan’s. The anger she feels about the whole situation almost drowns her disappointment: she will have to make the cat deliver the message, after all. Wufa sneezes, as if he can sense someone is thinking about him, and then returns to his nap, tongue sticking out. He wears his name especially well now, it really feels impossible to make him deliver any messages...She almost asks Lan Huan to take the kitty to the gentian house and bring him back- which would be cheating -but thinks about it twice. She doesn’t want the boy to be punished because of her. Lan elders can’t do anything to her, but they can discipline their first master if they think he acted wrong. And she should probably not give them the letters too, not when their uncle can still go through their stuff and think they disobeyed his law to conceal it. It’s already dangerous for Lan Huan to be here to say goodbye, she doesn’t want him to regret his act of bravery.
“Thank you for saying goodbye, Lan Huan. It was a pleasure meeting you and your brother. I hope to see you again. But you should go back before your uncle...Worries about your whereabouts.”
Lan Huan nods, if a bit reluctant, then bows deeply.
“It was nice playing with you every morning….I...I will miss you. Thank you for bringing A-Zhan to mother yesterday.”
He turns to Lan Zhan, who apparently gets that it’s time to go, but instead of mimicking his brother like he always does, his little hands seize Cangse Sanren and A-Ying’s robes instead, as if he doesn’t want to part yet. Then, there’s a soft plea, as weak as a whispers:
“Stay.”
Lan Zhan's lips close so fast in thin lines that she almost thinks she heard wrong. But she recognizes the voice, and A-Ying’s reaction is unmistakable.The boy immediately clings back to Lan Zhan and wraps him into a hug.
“Come to Lotus Pier with me!” He says instead. “I will show you my sister and brother! And my uncle. He is not grumpy like yours, but my aunt is angry; it’s the same! And my daddy! My daddy is the best! You’ll like him!”
Her son’s solution soothes both Lan Zhan and Cangse Sanren. She is sad she can’t give this Lan baby the one thing he asks for, when words cost him so much each time, but she has little choice there.
“A-Ying is right. You can visit our home anytime,” she promises, as she pats his head. The boy can’t avoid the contact, he is still a prisoner of A-Ying’s hug. She gives Lan Huan one pat too.
“I’m not sure uncle will agree…” Lan Huan laments, though, older and wiser.
“Well, you don’t know. He is angry now, but maybe tomorrow…”
She thinks it will at least take him a year to calm down, maybe more, but she has to be optimistic. It’s her job, after all, as a mother. It is also her job to make sure they go back safely without getting caught, as a more experienced troublemaker. So she lifts Lan Huan once again and makes sure he gets through the window, safely back to the ground.
Before he does, though, Lan Huan pushes something in her hands. It’s a tiny flute.
“It’s for Wei Wuxian, a gift! It’s our healer who carved it! But I carved the little cat on the side, and Lan Zhan did the bunnies.”
Oh. She knows which healer he talked about and smiles, thanking him in her mind as she stares at the little scribbles on the side. So much of his work is ruined by doodles; maybe Lan Huan and Lan Zhan are promising, but not in the bambou carving art field. It still has charm though, it’s cute in its own way; and the intention is there. It’s what truly counts, what moves A-Ying to the point he watches his new gift like some would do with a sack of gold.
“That way Wei Wuxian can call for help if he is lost… or sees the demon.” Whispers Lan Huan.
Aw! the little boy knew more than he lets on, she realizes. She pats his head one last time, careful not to touch his sacred ribbon.
“Thank you.”
When she turns to Lan Zhan the boy reluctantly let her robes go, and let himself be lifted too with a sad expression on his face. It almost breaks her heart, once again, how such a young kid can swallow back his emotions and words, to accept the reality. He is so young; he should be allowed to have a dream and cling to it if he wants to. A-Ying apparently thinks something along the same lines because he orders his mother:
“Wait!”
He runs to his bed, and makes a mess of the place, throwing pillows and blankets all over until he finds what he seeks for. It’s the ribbon he asked her to sew. Bright red, with a small attempt of embroidery, which is not Cangse Sanren’s forte, but her son doesn’t care about that. He rushes to Lan Zhan and ties it around his head with a bright smile.
“You have a ribbon too now!”
It’s too cute for Cangse Sanren to correct him- and Lan Zhan seems to be happy with the gift, his finger brushing it slightly.
“I’m sorry Lan Huan, I don't have a gift for you…” A-Ying apologizes.
“It’s okay, thanks for giving one to my little brother.”
“Mommy will make you one for you too next time!” He promises.
Again, she doesn’t have the heart to correct him, as the two little Lan flee back to the library pavillon, it gives her an idea.
She looks at her own spiritual weapon, and the characters Yu Ziyuan messed up back on the boat. The one she transformed so she could give images, souvenirs, or even thoughts to whoever is tied with it. She looks back at the kitty.
The pet doesn’t know the way to the Gentians house, or what Quigheng-Jun looks like. But she does.
Cangse Sanren smiles back. She might have a way to get her message then. She kisses her brillant son and thanks him, even though the boy doesn’t understand why, and she gets back to training. Her son, on the other hand, slowly murders the Lan’s song he hears each night on his new found dizzi.
She imagines the guards wincing at the door and encourages him to play louder.
The very next day, when they open the window, it’s not the Lan babies that greet them, but Impossible, the little cat Xiao Bu Ke Neng, proving he can do the impossible too. He lazily enters, stretches in front of them, and Cangse Sanren notices the little Jade token that hangs to its collar, twin of the one she already has. When she snatches it back, she can feel the familiar sensation of spiritual energy under her fingers, warm and sad, she closes her eyes.
It seems like Quigheng-Jun manages to honour his words while still protecting his clan. She tries not to think about what it means for his soul. She also tries to gulp down her impatience; this will work only once he is dead, and not give her the answers she seeks now. She can’t look forward to this . She is a decent person, she appreciates the man. Even though she curses at him in the secrecy of her mind: You son of a bitch, you made sure I would regret learning your secret, didn’t you?
She hides it in the pouch he gave her, and orders her stuff- wondering once again, how A-Ying and her managed to make such a mess in this room in so little time. One incense stick later some Lan disciples come to look for her and escort the family to the exit. She recognizes her favorite Lan and assumes the woman at his side is his wife. She looks cute, but He however, looks very angry at the moment.
“Nice to meet you!” Cangse Sanren says to his wife.
“Nice to meet you too! My name is Lan Juan!” And she makes a tiny clumsy bow that doesn’t fit her name, graciousness, at all.
And also matching names with her husband! This is adorable!
“Nice to meet you too, Lan Juan...Lan Yuan…!” She looks at the grumpy husband while the wife giggles.
“Nice to see you too!” Cangse Sanren says to him to ease him a little. “Look, my son thanks you for the dizzi, he loves it!””
And A-Ying shows how much he loves it by whistling a terrible note on it, making both husband and wife frowns.
“You will have to teach him how to play if you don’t want to regret this.” Cangse Sanren confirms.
Lan Qiren is there, waiting for them before they get through the ward, without his nephews. A-Ying asks for Lan Zhan of course, and the man’s features soften just a bit.
“My nephews can’t be here to say goodbye but I will carry their words. I wish you a prompt recovery, Wei Wuxian.”
Too many complex words for a four year old, definitely, and the boy blinks, looking for his friend as if he is hidden somewhere in the landscape. Unfortunately, all he finds is the monster, as soon as they go past the barrier and he immediately hides in his mother’s arms. All adults present understand now, even though they still can’t see it.
“Wei Wuxian. The monster cannot hurt you. It will disappear one day, if you train hard enough and become a good cultivator.” Lan Qiren reminds him, one last time.
“I know!” The boy snaps back, looking angrily at the void, as if he is fighting something. But Cangse Sanren can feel his little body shaking still. She turns to Lan Qiren to say his goodbye, mixed feelings in her chest.
She wants to say thank you, but also sorry, and most of all fuck you. This is hard to find a compromise between all those. So in the end she ends up joking:
“It was great to see you too, Lan Qiren, parenthood suits you, if you shave your beard maybe next time I will get to see you with your own sons!”
“You are not welcomed here any longer.” He says frowning back.
Which is the polite Lan way to say “Don’t ever show your face to me again” she supposes. Well, there’s that. It seems they will never be able to get along. She is still grateful that he was so nice, as nice as he could be, with A-Ying- and she tells him so. He ignores her and turns to talk with the healers that are coming with her at Lotus Pier. After a few minutes (and a strange scene with Lan Yuan that leaves her puzzled) they finally take off. A-Ying looks at Cloud Recesses as they go, holding his kitten under his robe, sadly.
“Mommy…” He whispers to her ears.
“What is it sweetheart? Do you see the monster again?”
She wonders if the monster can fly. Probably not since A-Ying shakes his head. His voice cracks though:
“I know I have to be happy all the time but…”
He can’t finish his sentence, as big fat tears escape his eyes and he wails. She panics, and makes an urgent landing near Caiyi town so she can hug her son and cradle him. At first she tries to make a face at him, to make him laugh but it doesn’t work, not even tickles manage to bring back a smile on his face. In the end, Lan Juan taps Cangse Sanren’s shoulder and opens her arms:
“Let me try? I work at the nursery, I know how to handle crying kids.”
Cangse Sanren wants to say many things; “which nursery?” she hadn’t seen any when she looked through Cloud Recesses- but also “it’s my son, I can handle his pain…” But the truth is...She does not. So she lets the Lan take A-Ying in her arms. The woman rocks him a bit, and whispers tenderly: “It’s okay little one, you don’t have to be happy all the time. Let all this sadness go, it’s what tears are for.”
It takes a lot of time to remind A-Ying that they’re going home and that’s a good thing, that he will get to see his brother and sister, and uncle and aunt there. Finally, the boy goes back to his mother’s arm, only sniffing. It is a little bit harder, when he asks if he is ever going to see Lan Zhan and Lan Huan ever again; but Cangse Sanren tries anyways:
“You gave him your red ribbon, you remember?”
The boy nods.
“Then you will certainly meet him again.”
“Why?”
He might be young, but he is smart, and he sees no logical reason behind his mother’s words right now. But it doesn't’ discourage Cangse Sanren:
“Because red is the color of fate! It’s like the red strings of fate link the two of you! Do you know the legend? It says that people linked by the red threads of fates are bound to always meet again!”
Lan Yuan grumbles in the background. He has been grumbling since they left, because apparently he hates travelling, flying in particular, and has vertigo.
“It’s not what the legend says.”
“Isn’t there a rule that says to not cut people off when they’re telling a story?” she counters back.
“Fortunately...We’re not at Cloud Recesses,” he remarks, avoiding her gaze.
Apparently all his kindness stayed at home. His wife chuckles and pats his back, before looking at the little boy in front of her with enthusiasm:
“This is so adorable. You and the second master are surely soulmates...Like Lan An and his wife. You will definitely meet again!” Gentleness leaves her voice, traded for something...Different, a little bit too enthusiastic. “You are bound by fate just like my husband and I were, linked by our names!”
“They’re four years old!” Protests her Lan Yuan, “And you bothered my mother until she chose a matching courtesy name with yours, that’s hardly fate at work here!”
But she ignores him, as she continues with stars in her eyes:
“He will hold your precious red ribbon each night and the day you’ll both meet again, he will tie it to your wrist and ask you to marry him under a magnolia tree!”
Wei Wuxian blinks, which is a good thing because he is not crying anymore, but also he looks clearly confused. So is Cangse Sanren: as much as she likes the enthusiasm, she is clearly not okay with her baby getting married while he still wets his bed. Lan Yuan lets his wife twirl around, as she continues to figure the two boys’ future meeting, and he sighs:
“My apologies for my wife- she is a hopeless romantic.”
Lan Juan is now mimicking the two boys’ future separation in the midst of war and drama, as apparently her version of teenage Wei Wuxian is forced to abandon Lan Zhan behind on the battlefield:
“I’m worried about you, I’m staying!!- Just go! -No! I’m not going! I won’t leave without you my love!- But this is the end for me...I want you to survive at the very least...- Let’s meet again in another life! No matter how much I have to reincarnate, my soul will always find yours, I swear!”
Cangse Sanren wonders if she should be worried for the woman’s brain at this point, or if she should join and correct her show because there’s no way her baby is going to act like some maiden! He better either feel and survive trusting his love to make it back, or go and fight with him until the end!!
“Is she always like this?” She asks Lan Yuan, applauding the spectacle.
“When no elder is looking? Yeah, pretty much. She will say it’s because of her work- you know, always being surrounded by kids who ask for stories and affection -but that’s not true. I have known her since forever. She’s always been like that, even as a toddler.” He pauses, thinking of something, and quickly adds, as if it's vital information : “Don’t ask her for ghosts stories, it’s even worse. She likes it too much and is not allowed to scare kids with her stories at the nursery.”
Duly noted. Now she kind of wants to know how it can be worse. But A-Ying pulls her sleeves, obviously lost in front of all these informations, and asks:
“Mommy what’s a soulmate?”
“A soulmate is…” She hesitates, should she tell him the scientific version, about one soul split in two and always looking for its completion, or the romantic version? She decides to compromise: “A soulmate is someone you want to spend your whole life with.”
It sends A-Ying into a long thoughtful time, as they all get back on their sword and resume their travel (to Lan Yuan's utter despair, he begs them to fly at the very least on low altitude). After a while, A-Ying states to the Lan Juan, very seriously ;
“I have plenty of soulmates! I have mommy, daddy, and my brother and sister, and Lan Zhan, and my kitty...”
“And me?” Asks Lan Juan with a smile.
“Okay! What’s your name?”
Cangse Sanren can’t help but laugh, as the Lan wife fake a sobs in her husband’s shoulders, dramatically.
“You’re going to need a big house, to live with all those people...” Lan Yuan remarks, ignoring his wife’s fake distress.
A-Ying considers the question, and firmly nods:
“I’m gonna have a big sect like uncle then!”
Cangse Sanren crashes them into a tree once again.
Notes:
I hope this chapter was to your liking ; and that the Wangxian was cute enough <3
I believe next chapter is going to be Lan Huan + Lan Qiren (at the end)'s pov... I hope you'll like to read the cutie pie's opinion.Here is the introduction of another character that is not totally original since we know they exist in the canon but still an OC because we don't know a single thing about them : Lan Juan. I hope you'll like her as much as her husband, Lan Yuan. UvU ...I don't have any question this time around, so I will see you all on Thursday for a new chapter =D
Chapter 29: Conversations
Notes:
Thank you so much for your support last chapter, comments, kudos, even bookmarks, wow i just can'tbelieve my eyes everytime i see it. <3
I don't know what to say right now i'm just overwhelmed ;-;Previous chapter summary --> Cangse Sanren was silenced by the Lan spell, ordered to never talk about what she found in the Gentian House. Wei Ying, however, still needed treatment, and thanks to that, the Lan Elder simply kicked her out, and decided to send with her to Lotus Pier a married couple of healers ; Lan Yuan and Lan Juan. While she waited to be lead ot the exit, the Wei family received the visit of the babies Lan. Lan Huan offered Wei Ying a dizzi, and thanked Cangse Sanren for her help. Lan Zhan received a red ribbon from Wei Ying, and an invitation to one day visit Lotus Pier. Their little visite gave an idea to Cangse Sanren, and she managed to tame the little cat, Wufa, just on time to receive the message Quigengh-Jun promised her. It is with another enchanted token carrying a bit of the last sect leader soul, that she leaves the security of Cloud Recesses.
BEWARE in this chapter there's a Trigger warning : The Lan sect is known for its discipline and it implied, in the past, corporal punishment. Here they show this kind of behavior toward Lan Qiren, but also Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji, even though they are just children. It's of course, not okay.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A-Huan is hurt. Both physically and emotionally. His uncle discovered he ran off to say goodbye to Cangse Sanren and Wei Wuxian, and he was not happy with him. He was punished for this, and Lan Zhan refused to let him go until he was punished too.
“I am very disappointed in you…” He had said to them both. And somehow his words hurt more than the ruler. Elders’ gazes also burned, it made his eyes sting more than his back.
“Do you understand what you did wrong?” His uncle asks now, firmly, as he leads them to the cold spring, so their wounds can heal faster.
He helps A-Zhan get inside the water, and makes sure he remains where his feet reach the ground all the time, holding him. He looks at the red ribbon that is tied to his wrist and that Lan Zhan refuses to take off, even during this bath.
“I lied to you when I said I was going to the library pavillon; lying is forbidden at Cloud Recesses.” A-Huan recites, his voice thin.
“Lying is the first step to the crooked path.” His uncle nods.
The crooked path leads to where his mother and father are, locked in the house with no one allowed to see you. It is terrifying. A-Huan is terrified at the idea of becoming like them even though he loves them, and it’s a complicated feeling he is not sure he is even allowed to have because it bothers him when he tries to meditate.
“I’m sorry.” He says, once again.
His uncle nods, but he seems to wait for another fault. A-Huan gulps, the guiltiness settling in the back of his throat, making it hard to breath and see. It prickles his eyes. He is not sure of the next one; because the rules say you have to be a good host, and so saying goodbye to Cangse Sanren and her son was good! It’s acting like a good host! But at the same time, he disobeyed a direct order from his elders, and that’s also against the rule.
“What do you do,” he cautiously asks his uncle. “When following a rule goes against another?”
Lan Qiren closes his eyes and his jaws clenches, he looks angry and hurt. His whole body tensing up. It makes A-Huan anxious.
“I asked your father the same question, a long time ago.” Uncle finally confesses.
A-Huan looks up, his heart beating faster at the mention of the person he can only get a glimpse of, during their one-day-per-month visits. Each memory is a treasure he holds close, hoping to get a little more of him than he is authorized. But Lan Qiren does not say what his father told him, long ago, instead his explanation goes in another direction:
“There are several methods when such a situation arises. First, do you break one rule, or several? If you do, then you choose the path that will make you break less rules. Second, when it’s one rule against one, you refer it and leave this decision to your elders. This is how one respect the rule “be one mind” as a sect.”
Lan Qiren gives a grave look at A-Huan; the same he always gives them when he makes them recite the rules. It’s a strange one, that is full of trust and doubt at the same time.
“Your elders have more experience, they have the clan’s best interests in mind. When the rules are not enough, they are the ones you should listen to and follow. This is why we have them, and not just a Sect Leader. The Lan Clan has to be righteous, to rely on one person is not wise, as one person can be easily corrupted and wrong. People are stronger together, unified.”
He puts Lan Zhan on one of the many rocks that dwell in the river, and taps on it.
“A mountain is made of not one rock, but many. The ones sitting on the very top aren’t more important than the stones that form the base, A-Huan. But it has a better view of its surroundings, that’s why you have to listen. Do you understand?”
A-Huan is not sure he wants to understand, the same way he is not sure he wants to understand why he can only see his mother only once per month, and why his father is in seclusion, only a song in the background of his life. But he is willing to try to please his uncle, because at the very least, uncle is always there for him and sat with them as they were punished, and soothes his wounds, while father and mother are away. So he promises him.
“You can’t just try, A-Huan, you have to succeed. You are the future Sect Leader. And your Father’s son. Failure is not an option for you.”
A-Zhan glides on the rock and splashes his uncle, making him wince, he turns his attention to the younger brother and tries his best to make him understand that he must always have a proper posture, even during a bath. It is a welcomed distraction. The little family stays inside the cold pond until their teeths are chattering. Then uncle makes sure they are all dried and covered up with warm robes; after all A-Zhan is just out of a cold and if A-Huan were to fall sick, it would hinder his training. Once again, uncle tries to untie the red ribbon off A-Zhan’s wrist but the boy keeps fighting for it. It was already a big fight to take it off his forehead, as the boy wanted to mimic his brother, and A-Zhan only accepted when A-Huan explained to him that the forehead was only for the sacred ribbon, not any others.
“A-Zhan” Lan Qiren recites once again the rules that advise people to be humble, not live extravagantly and to not be overly-clingy with their possessions.
“I think,” tries to explain A-Huan. “He just wants to be sure you will give it back, if you take it.”
Uncle poses, and after a while he nods, following the advice:
“A-Zhan, I’m just taking it off so it can be washed. You will have it back tomorrow and it will be clean. Stealing is forbidden, you know I will respect this rule.”
A-Zhan takes a long time to think, looking at the gift, then he finally yields.
Before they go to sleep that evening, A-Huan notices how his uncle grumbles more, as he sits at his desk to work.
“Are you hurt?” He asks him, worried.
He looks like he is suffering, and it makes A-Huan anxious; if uncle is gone, then who will take care of them? As much as he loves his mother and father, they are almost never there. Mother kisses them, Father plays for them. Uncle gives them food, he tucks them to bed, he is there when they are sick and they close their eyes and he is there when they wake up. He has to be alright! If he is not, they will be all alone.
“I disobeyed the rules too. Do not hold grudges, Do not act impulsively, Do not fight without permission, Have courtesy and integrity, Do not use bad words to hurt others...” Uncle explains. “So I asked to pay the price for it.”
“But you’re the Sect Leader...”
“It’s because I am the Sect Leader that I must be even harder on myself. There can be no exceptions to the rules, not even for me.”
Lan Huan thinks it’s unfair, because surely uncle is the man who follows the rules the most, but some part of him admires his uncle too. One has to be very strong and brave, to ask to be punished. He wonders if he can ever be like that. For now, the discipline ruler scares him. This is probably why he is not ready to be a Sect Leader yet, but uncle is. He is not brave enough. But, A-Huan decides he is kind, at the very least.
There’s nothing he can do but rub his uncle’s back and hope to soothe the pain away. Lan Qiren smiles at his gesture but stops A-Huan’s hand.
“I’ll be alright, A-Huan. Each punishment has a purpose; I will learn from this pain and it will shape me into a greater person, someone who, hopefully, will not be hurt again for the same reason.”
A-Huan is not sure he understands again, but it’s comforting to know that at the very least, the pain will only be felt once. Like when you put alcohol on a wound, it stings, but Lan Yuan’s wife always says it’s for it to heal right, and when no one is looking she kisses it to make it feel better. And once, he even saw the healer break a disciples arm after it was already partially-healed. Lan Yuan said it was because the bones were recovering the wrong way, taking a shape that would incapacitate the patient if it stayed like that. Maybe if A-Huan tries to think it that way, he can understand. It definitely makes more senses. But pain is still pain. And Uncle is suffering. It scares him.
“When I am a Sect Leader,” he asks, anxious. “Will I have to punish you too, if you break rules?”
“Of course you do. A Sect Leader can’t play favorites.”
“Then...I don't want to be the Sect Leader.” He confesses.
Uncle frowns, and his voice hardens:
“Lan Huan. You don’t have a choice in this matter. No one does.”
The lesson is as harsh as the way he says A-Huan’s full name.
“No one has control over their life’s path. No one has control over the circumstances of their birth. You are lucky enough to be born into wealth and with good health. Do you think all common people want to be farmers? You should value those facts and resign yourself to the minor problems that come with your situation. You were born to become the next Sect Leader. And you are your father and mother’s child. This means...that some mistakes that could be acceptable for some, aren’t okay for you. This...This refusal to hurt people you care for, is one.”
He puts his hands on A-Huan’s shoulders and it’s heavy.
“Do you want to become like your father?”
A-Huan wants to be like his father, he wants to be as calm as he looks. He wants to be a song that soothes in the background, and have his kind smile. He wants to be the perfect Lan people once called him, but also wants to be the one that is merciful to everyone, even the enemy, ready to trust and love people like mother. Gossip is forbidden at Cloud Recesses, and uncle never speaks of mother in front of them, but not all people are like uncle. Lan Huan knows what mother did. He knows killing is bad, but at the same time he doesn’t know the person who was killed, while he does know his mother. She is beautiful and warm and smart and always gentle with them. He can’t imagine she could do that. Surely, if people were willing to meet her, and get to know her, they would love her as much as Lan Huan does. How can someone so warm and gentle be bad? There has to be a misunderstanding somewhere. Or a reason. And his father is the only one who has seen it. A-Huan wants to be able to be like him, and see what others aren’t willing to, save those people aren’t willing to save. Because someone has to? Right? Otherwise, he wouldn’t be there.
A-Zhan wouldn’t be there. If no one believed mother, then they would not exist.
So it has to be a good thing, right? There has to be some good in this sad situation. Some good in every sad situation. So A-Huan wants to be like his father. But at the same time he does not want to end like him; all alone in the house, avoiding his own children. And he is sure that if he says the truth, then it will hurt his uncle.
How do you not inflict pain on your loved ones, without agreeing with them? He wonders. A-Huan does not know, so he stays silent. Uncle must think they are in agreement, because he says:
“Go to bed now, it is already nine.”
It is very hard to fall asleep, this very night. He dreams of father and mother, of punishments and Sect Leader’s duty. He feels feverish and sick, hot and cold, tired and too anxious to sleep at the same time. But in the end, he closes his eyes and manages to sleep, even though he thought he wouldn’t.
Uncle keeps his promise, like he always does, and A-Zhan finds it back on his bedside the next morning at five. Uncle is already busy with work, so it’s always A-Huan who helps his little brother during morning routine. Studying on their own now...is a little bit harder. A-Huan thought it would be easier because as much as he liked Wei Wuxian and his mother, they were loud and couldn’t stay in one place for a full incense stick. But at the same time, it’s like the silence has a shape now. A-Huan knows that promiscuity is forbidden, but he misses the occasional pat the woman gave him. He misses the sound of the laughs in the library, even if it’s not authorized to be so loud. It’s not the same feeling as when he misses his mother and hopes to know his father; when he sees them both it’s during special days. Cangse Sanren and Wei Wuxian barged into their well scheduled routine and filled every empty place they could find. A-Huan wasn't aware of those before, and now he sees the hole and feels a little bit hollow inside. He doesn’t know what to do to be full again. It’s like no one but the little family can fit in.
But uncle always says you have to accept things like they are; especially since A-Huan is going to be a Sect leader one day. Everything does not go your way, and a righteous man understands that.
He is not sure A-Zhan understood that his friend is gone, though . His little brother keeps looking for him when he is authorized a pause, while A-Huan works on his own calligraphy, as if they’re just playing hide and seek. When he goes to fetch him to the dining hall for lunch, he finds his little brother whistling on his flute.
I’m here. Come and find me. His music pleads. It’s like their father’s music, except unlike father, there is no one to answer back, like how mom hums and sings along.
“A-Zhan, they can’t hear you, they’re too far away.” He tells him. “They’re back at their home.”
A-Zhan looks up, then nods sadly, letting go of his whistle. They have a little bit of time after lunch, before A-Huan has to go to core-building training. So they go to the rabbit shelter and he helps his brother feeding the little bunnies. Uncle finds them there.
“There are really staying…” He comments, a weird expression on his face. A-Huan is pretty sure he is not happy with it, but the very fact he is not reprimanding them for caring to them is good enough.
He is more worried about A-Zhan. Two years ago, A-Huan was still there during evening lessons with uncle, but now that he has his forehead ribbon and a training regimen, he is going to the disciple building. Uncle is always busy with work, and he is worried his little brother is going to feel lonely.
“Uncle,” A-Huan suggests. “ I think A-Zhan wants to learn music. He was playing with his whistle earlier.”
He has very good memories of uncle teaching him how to play a little bit of flute. It’s a precious memory, and he liked how it made everyone proud, his little brother, uncle, but also his mother and even father. It felt like music brought agreement, a secret harmony in his broken family. He played it once during one of his visit days, and father even answered back with a note. Little souvenirs like this are A-Huan’s treasures: he keeps them close to his heart so no one can steal them away- surely, if no one knows it’s there, no one can take it, right? So he piles it up in his chest; little proofs that his father cares, even when he doesn’t show it, that his mother loves him, that his uncle is proud, even though they all do it apart from one another. He likes to think about it right before going to bed, like the stories his uncle once read them, when they were younger. Before he deemed old enough to not need it anymore. He hopes A-Zhan can have that too.
Uncle’s eyes lit up at the idea.
“You think?”
A-Huan nods, even if he is not totally sure. But he has to leave now and go back to training, so he bids them goodbye and hopes for the best.
Lan Qiren, once his older nephew joins his class, turns to A-Zhan and inquires:
“Which instrument do you want to play A-Zhan? A flute like your brother? A dizzi?”
But A-Zhan shakes his head. Lan Qiren’s brow knits in confusion, is it a no for the flute, or a more general no? It is stressing him out, now that he is sure the boy can talk, he can’t help but wonder why he doesn’t. And he pushes away the bitterness he still hold to Cangse Sanren; surely the mother would know what to do, or his boy would bring a smile to A-Zhan’s face. Lan Qiren doesn’t know how to do that, and it pains him a bit. It stings.
Surely, being overly happy- and careless, and stupid, and impolite -like Cangse Sanren, is no good. But he would like Lan Zhan to be at least a little bit happy. As much as his situation can allow him to be. As long as happiness doesn't lead him astray.
“Be more precise A-Zhan, or talk. I can’t guess.”
He has to press the words out of him; being diligent and silent is great, but in two years, his nephew is going to join the sect officially, get a forehead ribbon and start training. There he will be expected to be vocal, to answer his teacher’s questions, or he will be reprimanded. Punished. And as much as Lan Qiren knows that punishments are for the best, to shape people the right way and to make sure he will never crack like A-Zhan’s father did, he can’t look forward to that end either. Yet Lan Qiren has no idea how to make the boy understand that time is running out. He has no idea how…
He isn’t a mother like Cangse Sanren, he is just an uncle. He shouldn’t feel jealous, but he is. Cangse Sanren is definitely the best at bringing out the worst there is in him, the awful side of him he tries so hard to push away and erase. He is glad she is gone, and he doesn’t have to fight himself on top of everything. But he also regrets her presence- he regrets more his burst of anger, and feels ashamed of his undignified behavior -because Lan Qiren doesn’t do well patting kids’ heads, or soothing them. He is good at teaching but not very much else.
But then he has an idea.
“Would you like to learn how to play the guqin?”
A-Zhan frowns, he doesn’t know this instrument yet, of course, so Lan Qiren leads them to the music room and shows him one that is displayed there. It is a little bit impressive, for such a tiny boy, it’s almost the same size as him after all, but A-Zhan doesn’t shake his head nor reject it right away.
“Do you know why I think it’s a good instrument for you?” Asks Lan Qiren.
A-Zhan bends his head to the side, curious.
“Because it’s an instrument you can use later in cultivation training, one you can play a song called Inquiry.”
He borrows a smaller guqin, one disciples use when they start, it’s still a bit too heavy and big for Lan Zhan, but Lan Qiren supposes it’s okay, as long as he trains under his uncle’s supervision. He pinches one of the cords. Testing the sound. A-Zhan is silent as ever, but he looks focused and receptive to the lesson.
“Inquiry is used to talk with spirits. It’s like talking but with music.”
A-Zhan’s eyes lit up and he immediately sat in front of the guqin, which Lan Qiren interprets as a “please teach me”. It stirs something in Lan Qiren’s heart, an old wound but also an old need; it is everything he ever wanted after all: to teach the next generation. The fact he is teaching his nephew, rather than any student is still...Difficult to accept, but he can do it.
He has to anyway. Just as he said to Lan Huan the day before, one has to accept their fate. It doesn’t mean they are bound to sadness, they can find little glimpses of hope and contentment in life, even if it’s not what they wished for. Happiness is still happiness. One would even say that happiness that you earn through hardship is more precious than one that is given to you easily. He wants to believe that, if only because it numbs the ever-lasting pain in his heart. So he brushes the first cords, a note echoing around.
“This means Yes.”
A-Zhan tries to do the same, it takes several attempts, as his hands are still tiny and his fingers can’t touch all cords at the same time, but he finds a way. It’s only just one note after all. It will be problematic when they reach accords and the different meanings that comes with it, but they’re not there yet.
Lan Qiren nods in agreement and shows him the next word:
“This means No.”
Once again A-Zhan manages to reproduce the sound. There’s a tiny smile on his face. Maybe there’s one on Lan Qiren’s too, when he asks again:
“Do you want to learn the guqin?”
A-Zhan’s fingers glide over the cords with no hesitation. Yes , he says.
Lan Qiren is proud, they’re having their first conversation.
Notes:
Next chapter we will be back to Lotus Pier and i attempted to give every one a little bit of say in the pov. But they're so many i'm not sure i managed to do everyone's justice...I hope you'll still like it =D It will published on Saturday anyways UU And with it, we will start the INCENSE BURNER ARC...Woooooow...(I promise you it's not kinky xD)
Once again, i don't have a question...Well, that's not true, i have one, but it's something linked to the current arc i'm working on so i can't tell you anything without spoiling it xo
Chapter 30: Lotus Pier dream
Notes:
HI everyone!! I hope you're all doing okay =D I'm back from my first week unconfined and every thing is doing super great! I couldn't write so much this week, but the little i got to write allowed me -i think- to get past something that blocked me, so it's awesome. Thank you again for all your amazing support, and Fraudulent_Moose for beta-reading thsi chapter once again <3
Previous chapter summary --> Lan Huan, Lan Zhan and Lan Qiren got punished by the Clan Elders because of Cangse Sanren. While Lan Huan struggled with what kind of Sect Leader he would have to be in the future, Lan Qiren, on the other hand, had troubles with his youngest nephew. Time is running out, and Lan Zhan, who opened up a bit thanks to Wei Wuxian and his mother, was now back to his old safe, mute and stubborn, holding on the red ribbon the boy gifted him. Yet, after a suggestion from Lan Huan, Lan Qiren finally had an idea : he started teachig guqin to his nephew, and especially inquiry. For the first time, Lan Zhan actually replied -with music- to his questions and they had their first conversation.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There is no welcoming party for Cangse Sanren, this time. When she lands at Lotus Pier, with the two Lan, she takes everyone by surprise; even daring to interrupt a duel between Jiang Fengmian and his wife apparently! Which probably explains why the first thing Yu Ziyuan says to her is:
“What are you doing here?”
“Yeah, that’s the fun thing, I kinda...got kicked out.”
But to her confusion, Yu Ziyuan shakes her head:
“Of course you did, I'm asking you why are you here now!”
Jiang Fengmian smirks behind her back.
“It seems you lost the bet, my lady.”
“Hmph! I won the duel. So we’re even.”
“You did not, the duel was interrupted.”
“Again! When will we ever finish one? I’m starting to think you planned this.”
“I wouldn’t dare…”
Did...Did they bet on how long she would be able to stay At Cloud Recesses?! Cangse Sanren feels her jaw drop in disbelief. Is she so predictable?! She will have to work on that, that is unacceptable! A good troublemaker challenge expectations!
“One month was just too much for you.” Whispers Jiang Fengmian in a semblance of apology. But she isn’t furious at him, on the contrary, she is very proud of her friend; but could they have a little more faith in her? Though when she thinks about it twice, she realizes that she wouldn’t have bet she could stand Cloud Recesses for more than two days...So maybe they do have faith.
“I’m not talking to you, tratorious sworn sister and bad best friend!” she pouts for the show. “Where is my not-husband? I need my welcome back kiss!”
A-Ying is already running to Jiang Cheng and Yanli with open arms. Until he spots the dogs and then runs in the opposite direction screaming. He even tries to jump back on Lan Yuan’s sword, who is still suspended in midair, despite his wife’s effort.
“Don’t do that!” He cries when his sword shakes under the kid’s weight. “I’m gonna fall!”
“Don’t worry my dear I will catch you if you fall! I will always catch you”
“Don’t say that with such a big grin on your face like it makes you happy that I fell!”
“But, my dear, it’s so romantic!”
“I hate travelling by sword, I really hate it!”
“I know! I know but it’s over now, we’ll get back to Cloud Recesses on foot, I promise!”
“It will take forever! Let’s go back by boat?”
“How could you say that, you know I get seasick…!”
Wei Changze emerges right in that instant and witnesses the mess with a neutral expression, barely shaken.
“What’s his deal?” He asks Cangse Sanren as if she never left at all, but as he does he wraps his arms around her shoulders and gives her a tight hug.
“Vertigo apparently. We had to fly at very low altitude because of him.” She turns to the scared Lan and asks: “How can you live at Cloud Recesses, the highest place there is in the Sect world?”
“I try very much to not think about it and to never leave the damn place!” He screams back.
The man finally ends up on the ground with a loud bang. He has the professionalism to protect A-Ying as he does, and his wife does catch him, but ends up not having enough arm strength to support his weight. They all end up lying on the ground, and Jiang Cheng’s dogs think it’s a game, so they immediately hop on the three, making A-Ying screams. Wei Changze takes his son away while Jiang Cheng tries very hard to make his puppies leave the poor Lan couple alone.
“Very Un-Lan-kely.” Jiang Fengmian jokes.
Wei Changze smiles, cradling his crying son, Cangse Sanren laughs and Yu Ziyuan scoffs:
“Please don’t do that ever again” She pleads her husband. “Leave that to Cangse Sanren; your jokes are terrible.”
“I make no promises.”
It takes the whole midday meal to sum up the situation to everyone, and present the two Lan who are going to conduct the ritual. She tries to talk about the details of her adventure at the Gentian House...But the words do not come out of her lips. She can’t open her mouth. For a short time that feels an eternity, she stays silent, her breath stuck in her chest.
The...The seal, the sensation she felt during the elder’s trial! Is it some deviation of their silencing spell? She stares at the Lan guests in disbelief, and they send her a side glance. If Lan Juan seems a little bit surprised by her story interruption, Lan Yuan does not, and simply shakes his head from left to right, with an air of resignation. He knows.
That’s why he is here. Ah! The Lan Clan so righteous they know assassination chord techniques and how to silence people on certain matters! She should not be offended, after seeing how they concealed their rightful heir and his wife into seclusion. But she still is. And pissed. Her brain works fast; is that why neither Qingheng-Jun’s wife tip-toed around the subject? Why she had to write letters, and use this last spell with the token to get the truth across? Is she under the same spell too?
...She wonders, briefly, if even Qingheng-Jun is, but rejects it. He was able to say a lot.
Fine! She will not talk about it! She has the token anyways, that should be able to show her the truth- she tries to forget the little details that imply the death of their original owner. And since she can’t speak about it, she will show it to Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian too. They both lost someone to the curse; it’s normal they at least know why.
Maybe it’s for the best though, that she can’t tell them right away the truths she learned. It takes away the chance for them to ask for revenge, but...Half-baked stories can be dangerous. And If they ask for retribution, it will also take Lan Huan and Lan Zhan’s mother away from them. She can’t do that; she can’t hurt the living for the sake of the dead. Especially as she doesn’t know Yu Ziyuan’s father, but heard enough from Jiang Fengmian’s parents from Wei Changze. They were not...They were probably great in their own way, as they raised someone as kind and gentle as her best friend...but they were unfair with their servants and her husband, even cruel sometimes. She doesn’t think they deserve revenge very much. It’s not her decision anyways- it was taken from her by those elders and their damn spell! -Jiang Fengmian will understand. Yu Ziyuan will probably slap some faces.
Some part of her, though, hopes that whatever the token will reveal, it will be enough to soothe them more than anger them. She wants to bet on this. She wants to bet that the situation is complicated enough for the Lan Clan to be unrighteous, to justify why the Quighengh-Jun she once knew turned into this shadow of himself. For a woman as loving and kind as she saw back then, to kill someone. She wishes her friend’s pain will be dulled enough for him to not ask retribution and start a war over this like the elders seem to fear. It has to. She wants to believe in his wiseness. If there’s someone who can forgive whatever happened and seek peace, it’s Jiang Fengmian.
“I got too curious, and almost stepped into some secret of Cloud Recesses while looking for Lan Yi’s information…” She finally says instead, satisfied to see she can at least lie to cover the interdiction. “So I got kicked out.”
“You’re lucky you kept your head on your shoulders.” Considers Yu Ziyuan.
“If they did, I would have burned the whole place.” Warns Wei Changze.
“You really have a thing for fire…” Jiang Fengmian comments, more amused than scared.
Once she’s done summing up her stay at Cloud Recesses, they tell her what they’ve all been up to, and she opens her eyes wide at the mention of her husband’s trial. If he didn’t caress her arm while Jiang Fengmian told her, she might have pushed her best friend. Since the person concerned seems okay with the situation, she doesn’t fight, but still, she jokes about it dramatically:
“How could you do that to me! With such a fate, I have no choice but to work to support my not-husband, otherwise me and my son will starve...It feels like I'm a widow…”
“I’m not dead…”
“Ah, I can hear my not-husband’s voice, his ghost still pursued by debts…! What can I do to bring money and appease his spirit? I will have to start a rent-flying-swords business!”
The Lan wife laughs, drops a bit of food, and apologizes to the object by reflex as Lan Yuan whines (because of the idea or his wife, that is unsure). Wei Changze hides his grin and for a moment mimics what they all suppose is a ghost behind her back with the same seriousness as usual. The kids get all giddy, wanting to play along.
“Then starve.” Says Yu Ziyuan to her sworn sister mercilessly.
“You will not starve,” assures Jiang Fengmian, unimpressed by the Wei couple or his wife’s harsh words, and refusing the conversation to go adrift. “The sect will provide you with your living expenses as it does with every disciple living with us….”
“Still!” Cangse Sanren pouts.
Her mood plummets to the ground when Wei Changze hands her Baoshan Sanren’s letter. It is...Everything she expected. It hurts, when your worst expectations of someone you love are met.
They all both watch out for her reaction, as she goes through the lines. But once she is done, Wei Changze sees her put down the scroll and sighs in relief, before smiling brightly:
“Well that's good news! Now we know how the incense burner works!”
She puts it away as if the matter is settled, but Wei Changze knows her well, he notices the frown on her face, and pats her back. It is not enough but it conceals the slight shaking breath she lets out to everyone else, and she rubs her eyes while Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan simply look away. If they notice the one tear she lets fall, well they don’t say anything.
“Mommy…”
A-Ying pats her knee in a vain attempt to comfort her and she spends the rest of the meal with him in her arms. She is, once again, being comforted by her son; that won’t do, she decides.
As they get out of the hall, after the meal, she sees how he hides behind his father’s legs. It is not because of Jiang Cheng’s dogs, this time, as they are all back to the Jiang’s side of the house. She guesses it’s the monster, once again.
“A-Ying…”
“I know he can’t hurt me. I can fight it!” The boy answers immediately, straightening his back like a little warrior. But she doesn’t want him to be.
“I will make a barrier around Lotus Pier too, just like in Cloud Recesses. I promise. He won’t be able to enter soon.”
A-Ying looks up, unsure and tensed still. But she can see the little hope and relief in his silver eyes.
“When?”
She wishes she could keep her promise right away, but she’s never made such a barrier before. She will have to do some research to improve wards she knows of. So to keep him waiting, she says:
“As soon as I can. But in the meantime you know what you can do to not fear the monster?”
A-Ying shakes his head, curious, and Cangse Sanren smiles. She had come up with this idea on the spot and feels very proud of it:
“Give him a silly nickname! He can’t be scary, if he sounds stupid, don’t you agree?”
Yu Ziyuan scoffs in the background and Wei Changze laughs. A-Ying simply repeats, wondering:
“A silly name?”
He frowns.
“Like Mr Shadow man?”
A-Cheng and A-Li giggles, like children often do, which seems to make A-Ying’s mind. Mr Shadow man it is, then, decides Cangse Sanren, as she turns her face to the vague direction that got A-Ying scared earlier:
“Go away mr Shadow man!” She screams.
And immediately A-cheng rushes and mimics her:
“Boo! Boo Mr Shadow man!”
Which brings back A-Ying’s smile. He and A-Li scream too, like they’re shooing away some pests. Every kid turns to Wei Changze, stars in their eyes, expecting him to do the same, and he complies, with the most monotone tone he can. Lan Juan is the second adult to join and they clap happily. It seems to work enough because the trio of kids runs away laughing. Cangse Sanren doesn’t know if the monster is still there, but he is obviously forgotten for now. She has to hurry and make the ward though.
“Stupid nickname,” comments Jiang Fengmian, a bit skeptical.
“You’re jealous? Do you want one?”
He doesn’t answer. Lan Yuan though, stares at her with a smug on his face: “Healing starts with the mind” he whispers to her. She counters back: “Maybe you should try to imagine you’re on the ground while you’re flying then.” That shuts him up while his wife giggles so hard she misses her step and ends up in the pond. Cangse Sanren is starting to think that this one Lan was born without any grace at all.
Duty calls Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian elsewhere, they go back to training the disciples after this, while Yu Ziyuan offers her help to organize the next few days. She gives the Lan couple the guests’ room. They assure they don’t need such a big one; as they will change shifts, while one of them will be sleeping, the other will do the ritual.
“That’s no life for newly weds! You should not be sleeping, but not for that reason!” Protests Cangse Sanren, sadly, which make the couple blush furiously. “I wonder what Lan Qiren was thinking when he sent you two…”
“Well, my husband is the best with children. And so I am.” Lan Juan says with a proud smile but then she coughs, hiding the blush on her cheek, a little bit embarrassed by this Un-Lan moment, and adds: “Well we are, but I don’t think our Sect Leader shares this feeling. So it’s most probably because he is the Lan you got along the best with…”
She doesn’t need to finish her sentence, and Cangse Sanren’s shoulders drops, she leans to Yu Ziyuan:
“Ah, I badmouthed Lan Qiren again, I will have to apologize next time!”
“The best way to apologize to him is certainly to never show your face to him again.” Yu Ziyuan tells her.
“So mean! ...But probably true.”
It appears that the Incense burner is pretty simple: all they have to do is put an incense stick during the night, in the same room of the person who is suffering from nightmares. Which is pretty stupid: how could no one ever figure out how it works?
“No one would fall asleep in the same room of some unknown artifact after activating it.” Mumbles Yu Ziyuan when she complains.
“Why not? It’s the fastest way to know what it does?”
“No one with a right mind,” the Sect Leader wife corrects with a smirk.
“Damn I missed you; No Lan knows what humor is. The closest thing I got from them is sarcasm...From this one! ”
Lan Yuan passes in front of her, carrying a bunch of furniture; to make the room of her son more accessible for the ritual. He does not respond to the accusation, but smirks.
“Sarcasm is forbidden at Cloud Recesses.” Says his wife, right behind him.
Yu Ziyuan blinks, and Cangse Sanren spits: “Really?!”
Lan Juan laughs: “No.” And disappears right after her misdeed.
“Is your behavior contagious, or did you manage to find the only two Lan that are like you?” wonders Yu Ziyuan, shocked.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t know what to answer, but she decides she now has a second favorite adult Lan on her list. As they prepares everything for tonight, Yu Ziyuan suddenly pauses:
“What will it do, exactly?” She inquires, looking at the ugly artifact from every angle.
“Apparently it allows you to visit your past dreams while remaining conscious. You have a body of your own and so can fight whatever is threatening you. Once you defeat it, you’re free of it.” She says, making a quick summary of the letter’s instructions.
Cangse Sanren briefly wonders how Baoshan Sanren guessed that her son was suffering from the rare case of sleep demon paralysis, and in turn, gave nightmares to his parents...Another mystery to add to the pile, she supposes. Sincerely, if this continues, the tower of questions will break down and smash them all in its fall, it is very frustrating. She thinks of the two tokens in her pouch that will have to wait for their owner to die before revealing anything. She remembers Lan Yi. And of course, of this mysterious artifact that Wen Ruohan is looking for, and turned a normal night-hunt into hell. It would be good to have at least one answer.
“If you die in the dream, what happens?” Inquires Yu Ziyuan, unaware of her crisis.
“You die in real life.”
Yu Ziyuan lets the artifact drop to the ground.
“Repeat that?”
“Wasn’t it clear enough the first time?”
Yu Ziyuan pinches the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on.
“And you plan to go fight this thing alone, when the nightmare represents the monster that almost killed you both before?”
“Are you worried about my safety?” She teases.
“Cangse Sanren!”
“Okay, okay, sorry! But to be fair, I'm not going alone, Wei Changze will be with me, the incense transports every single person sleeping into the same dream. And you decide when and with who you interact with, so if we sense any danger, we can decide to go back to safety with a simple hand seal.”
Yu Ziyuan is not convinced. She looks at their bedroom; they moved every piece of furniture and opened the inner panels, in order for A-Ying’s bed to be close enough to his parents’ for the nightmare to spread. She considers the space around them and then exits with determination:
“I’m bringing a second bed. Jiang Fengmian and I will go with you.”
Cangse Sanren can’t believe it, but before she can say anything she meets Yu Ziyuan’s fury:
“This thing almost killed you both. I’m not letting all our Sect’s work to heal you two go to waste. We’re going with you. End of discussion!”
This is, of course, not the end of the discussion, as Cangse Sanren is nothing but annoying, and she spends the whole rest of the evening teasing and cooing, trying very hard to make the Violet Spider admit she likes them. There is, though, another trouble they have to deal with before the end of the day.
During the evening meal A-Cheng and A-Ying are obviously pouting; angry at each other. JIang Fengmian has to ask his daughter to learn what happened: apparently A-Ying had been telling A-Cheng all his adventures at Cloud Recesses and the boy snapped. First angry about the boy’s kitty which was trained to carry message when he, on the other hand, respected his end of the deal, but also:
“If he is so happy there with him he better stay there!” A-Cheng repeats to his parents, his face red with anger, his little arm crossed on his chest. “He says Lan Zhan is his best friend, not me!”
“You’re my brother, you can’t be my best friend too!” Protests A-Ying.
“I can! And you’re not! If I’m not your best friend then you’re just...just...My cousin!” A-Cheng barks.
A-Ying gasps, and puts a hand on his chest, rolling to A-Li with exaggeration :
“A-Li” he whines, “...tell me you’re still my sister!”
“Hm I don't know...Who are you?”
“A-Li!! It’s me XianXian!”
“How old is XianXian?”
“Three!”
“...Aren’t you four?” She blinks.
“See you know me!”
Trapped, Jiang Yanli pats his back, and promises he is still his little brother, XianXian, which angers A-Cheng even more. Wei Changze is confused and doesn’t know what to do, as he doesn’t want to reprimand his best friend’s son without authorization. It’s Yu Ziyuan who ends the scene, snapping:
“A-Cheng! Jealousy is unbefitting of a Sect Leader!”
Which just leaves them all deadpanned. The nerves! Like you’re the one to talk! They all think in silence. Cangse Sanren watches her in disbelief, and her eyes grow even wider as Jiang Fengmian takes his wife’s hands with affection. She chuckles, not understanding but completely on board with this change! Wei Changze simply smirks. He had seen this kind of gesture happen more and more the last few days.
“But mother-” The boy protests.
“Think about it this way: a brother is better than a best friend. Friends come and go in life. Family is forever.” Explains Jiang Fengmian.
Wei Changze adds to his son’s ears: “Unless they hurt you so much you don’t want them in your life anymore.” Fortunately none of the Jiang hear his very unfilial comment. His father’s argument pleases Jiang Cheng, even, and the boy beams at the idea of vanquishing a boy he never met. He turns to A-Ying and wonders:
“Then you’re my brother again!”
“You’re my best brother!” A-Ying assures, giving off the little boy a hug, which annoys him, of course, it’s the whole purpose.
“Yerk! Get back! No hug!”
“But brother deserves a hug, while best friends don’t!!”
“I don’t want a hug! Keep it for best friends!”
Before long they’re both running in the hall, one chasing the other, using Jiang Yanli as a shield every time she tries to stop them.
It’s good to be back , they all think as the sound of laughter resounds, once again, in Lotus Pier. Yu Ziyuan is pleasantly happy with this, so much so that when Wei Wuxian hides behind her back in order to escape Jiang Cheng, she lets him. The little demon whispers something in her ears, and she nods like it’s the biggest secret ever, when truly it’s not, as Jiang Cheng
and Yanli stare in disbelief.
“Mother?” They ask.
She moves her hands, ordering her own children to come closer and when they do, she traps them in her arms and doesn’t let them go, while A-Xian runs free with a giggle.
“You helped him!” Yells A-Cheng.
“I did not. I just thought it was about time you gave your mother a hug, that’s all. You unfilial children.”
A-Li giggles and proceeds to do her duty, while A-Cheng pouts. Jiang Fengmian sees them, and after a moment of hesitation- especially since the Lan guests are staring the mess in disbelief -he finally says:
“What about me? Surely if you honor your mother, you should do it to your father too.”
And he takes Jiang Cheng on his knee, the boy’s face turns white, then red, before a big proud smirk appears there. Especially when he notices that he doesn’t take A-Li; only him.
“Do you like the view?” His father whispers. It takes A-Cheng some time before he realizes what his father means: they are sitting in the Sect Leader’s chair, in the dinner hall. He can see everyone else, as they sit and try to eat. In his child mind he is vaguely conscious that he will sit there one day too, but in a very long time, in the future , so it feels oddly exciting to be here already. He nods and his father smiles.
“Daddy!” Asks A-Ying a little below. “Carry me too?”
“You want that?” Wei Changze smiles at his son. And he proceeds not to put his son on his laps, like a normal person but to get him on his shoulder. “Like this?”
“No!!” A-Ying laughs and doesn’t get down despite his words. He beams when his mother tries to make him eat there.
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes; what a bunch of show offs, why must they always be this extra? But A-Cheng looks up to his father with stars in his eyes.
“Don’t push your luck, A-Cheng.”
But he still let him finish his meal on his lap.
Their children’s joy comes to a brutal stop though, when the Jiang follow the Wei into their quarters after dinner.
“Why you can but we don’t?We want to sleep in A-Xian’s room too!” Protests A-Cheng, as A-Li shyly nods, holding her new little brother in her arms.
Jiang Fengmian worries a bit about how it will influence the rumors about their relationship for a moment, but Wei Changze explains calmly:
“And you will, once A-Ying is all cured and okay, you’ll be welcome to stay for the night anytime. But right now it’s not possible. Look; The Lan are staying too, they are here to work. Do you want to work all night, or do you want to sleep?”
“I want to sleep…Can we trade? You will play music all night while everyone else is sleeping...listening to the night’s sounds, ready to fight any ghost that might-” Lan Juan Fake-whines for show.
A-Cheng and A-Li run away. The dilemma is resolved just like that. Yu Ziyuan is not looking forward to her children sharing a room with A-Ying, but she supposes that once in a while, while they’re still young, it would hurt no one. Once the boy is healed.
They leave A-Ying on his bed, who is giggling like crazy when he notices how the whole room turned into a dormitory, with bed everywhere circling around his own. He jumps on each one until Yu Ziyuan catches him by the ankle and forcibly tucks (Cangse Sanren says ropes) him to his bed. When Lan Juan installs what she needs for the ritual, she proposes to the boy:
“How about I tell you a ghost story before you go to bed? You’ll see, after this, you’ll not be afraid of the mean one that is bothering you right now!”
It takes forever to make her understand that no, you don’t scare a child before going to bed. What the heck! Yes, even if he is fated to become a cultivator and fight ghosts one day, training is not a good reason! Do you tell ghost stories at your nursery?
After this they all exit to let the boy be lulled to sleep by the Lan’s song. Apparently it will protect the boy from being dragged into the nightmare with them, but they have to give it some time before.
Yu Ziyuan uses this opportunity to order Cangse Sanren to take a bath and wash away the dirt from her travel, because she stinks:
“I’m not sleeping with you until you’re clean!”
“So much hatred, such rejection, do you want to break my heart sworn sister?”
To her utter shame, even Jiang Fengmian agrees with his wife, as he shyly points out that she really reeks.
“Not-husband, not-husband, please, you, defend me! Tell me you will still sleep with me; I can't lose my third lover in the same day!”
Wei Changze nods: “I will still sleep with you.” but then he adds with a grin:
“But you smell.”
“You like it when I smell!”
“I do. But you took the time to bathe A-Ying, you should take time for you too.”
“Only if you take it with me...You see, with my legs, I might drown on my own, I need someone to lean on!”
Yu Ziyuan can’t stand it anymore and rolls her eyes, as they both leave the room to take a bath together, shameless. To get her revenge, she yells at them: “Do not dare do it in our bathtub, or I will electrocute you with Zidian!”
She has the satisfaction to see Wei Changze stumble a bit, while carrying his wife, and Cangse Sanren hit her head on the door frame in the process. Whether she hides her red face to his chest because of embarrassment or because it hurts, is left unsaid. Jiang Fengmian still laughs at the scene, and it feels like Yu Ziyuan won this round. She is starting to understand why Cangse Sanren is so eager to make people smile, it is a pleasant feeling to be responsible for one's joy.
When they finally lie in their beds It feels like their day has been endless. They’re all exhausted.
“Are you all ready to fight some monsters?” Cangse Sanren laughs, as she lits the incense stick.
It is easy to forget the Lan’s presence and only notice the slow song she is playing in the background, but she makes sure they do, when she wishes them all: “Good luck, come back safely.”
Yu Ziyuan grumbles at Cangse Sanren:
“Shut up and sleep already.”
While Jiang Fengmian hums, hearing the first note of the ritual song next door. He seems to be the only one to be enthusiastic about this:
“It will be like old times, night-hunting together.”
“We never night-hunted all together, the four of us.” Remarks Wei Changze rightfully.
“Semantics, husband, don’t spoil our little FengFeng’s fun!”
“FengFeng?” Repeats Yu Ziyuan, smiling and eyeing her husband.
“It was this or MianMian and I feel like that’s taken already.” Explains Cangse Sanren.
“By who? Besides isn’t the whole purpose of nickname is for it to be shorter than your actual name?” Points out Wei Changze.
“Now you’re ruining my fun! What a bad husband you make.”
“Not your husband. Can’t hear you, I’m sleeping.”
Wei Changze turns over, making his wife pout, and it doesn’t take long before his breath settles down. Cangse Sanren soon follows. Yu Ziyuan envies them, even if she reprimanded her son for his jealousy earlier, she is still jealous from time to time; there’s a reason why she made sure to take the right side of the bed, when she prefers the left, just to be between Cangse Sanren and Jiang Fengmian.
She feels a hand brushing her fingers, and Jiang Fengmian offers her a smile.
Now that she thinks about it, they’ve never night-hunted together either. She closes her eyes, feeling a little giddy, she can’t help but feel excited at the thought. After all, she has a revenge to take: they didn't’ finish their duel this morning!
Before she realizes it, Yu Ziyuan falls asleep, lulled by the scent of the incense burner and the song of the Lan. For a moment, the artifact shines, as an invisible shadow draws closer. The smoke flutters, as a flute sound joins the melody of the Lan healer. No one can hear its tragic tune.
Notes:
Next chapter will be on monday! And i will probably add some tag to the fic : horror or nightmares. I feel like it's very much needed and should have been there for a long time already (especially nightmares xo) See you all soon!
In this chapter there are a lot of characters, i felt a little bit overwelmed by the sheer number and i hope i made everyone's justice (given them enough screen time)
Chapter 31: Dream of a Nighthunt
Notes:
Hi everyone!!
I must confess I slept only 3 hours so I'm totally not thinking straight enough to say anything xo Sorry very much.
This chapter was described by the fantastic beta-reader Fraudulent_Moose as gruesome and yurk. So trigger warning! It's Yurk time, for the occasion I added the new tag horror + nightmares. Hope you'll be okay if it's too awful for you, don't worry I will sum up everything that is important before publishing the next chapter =oPrevious chapter summary --> Cangse Sanren and Wei Ying went back at Lotus Pier, after only a little bit more of one week and an half. The Lan couple of healer that accompanied him immediately started to make preparation for the night rituals, while the parents and children enjoyed their reunion. The letter sent by Baoshan Sanren gave the Wei couple precious informations on how to use the incense burner and fight the dangerous nightmares that plague them, and so they decided to use it. Learning that it could be dangerous, since you die in the dream induced by the incense burner you die in real life, the Jiang couple decided to join them. And so, they all fell asleep together, lulled to sleep by Lan Juan's zither...No one noticing the sad flute tune that joined the melody.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When Wei Changze opens up his eyes. He is not in the room they fell asleep earlier, as planned, but in the now-familiar town, and not-yet burned Inn. He blinks a few times, as he witnesses once again his wife and a double of himself, hand over their son to the Innkeeper.
He almost steps in to take A-Ying back; despite the bastard’s confession and his innocence proven, Wei Changze can’t help but feel worried at the idea of leaving his baby with him. But he behaves and manages to reason himself: in his nightmares, A-Ying is not in immediate danger; he only is after their death, when the bastard chases him away. If Wei Changze takes the A-Ying of the dream though, he will have to deal with him while fighting the monster. He can’t do that. It’s too dangerous. Last time it almost killed him. Just as he thinks that he hears his wife whisper next to him:
“I will get him back as soon as this is over!”
He blinks a few times, as he sees her standing right next to him. She notices his expression, and frowns for a brief moment, before realizing it too.
“My legs!”
She tests it, bounces a bit, before starting to laugh so hard she might get an internal injury instead.
“I’m so glad! I missed you two!” She says, patting her knees, before rushing to Wei Changze’s side. “What about your arm?”
Their hand’s touch, and his fingers curl around her palm firmly, all his strength back. When he moves his shoulder, he doesn’t feel any pain either. It is truly like a dream. Without any warning he takes his wife in his arms and makes them spin, savoring the fact that he can use both arms while doing so. She laughs again and waving her feet;
“Put me down! Put me down, I want to feel the ground!”
He has to indeed, he lets himself breathe her scent one last time before he obeys, and she gets on her toes to give him a warm kiss on the lips.
“I’ll get to see you fight with your sword…!”
Wei Changze smiles back, realizing that he will have this chance too; it’s been weeks since he saw her do anything but ride her blade. He misses this. She was beautiful when she danced with her sword. There’s a second surprise though, as Cangse Sanren looks for her weapon at her side, she notices the lovely ribbon hanging from the end of her sheath, linked to her sword’s handguard.
“This is truly a dream…Look: I get to have my legs, and Ziyou, and even Duandai! ”
He laughs at the familiar bad-naming habit of his wife. Only she could name her new spiritual ribbon, “ribbon”. At least her sword is not named Jian; “sword”. Despite himself, he feels his finger brushes his own sword, following the engraved characters concealed by bandages. It’s not like he lost it in their reality, but it’s quite close. The very fact that he’s able to grip it without trouble sends butterflies in his chest. His golden core sings in delight.
But as much as they get to have back, Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian are nowhere near them, and that’s a little bit worrying, he remarks.
“Maybe they’re not asleep yet and we have to wait for them?” Then an idea crosses her mind and she says: “Keep an eye on ourselves! I’m going to kiss my donkey goodbye!”
She rushes to the Inn Shed as fast as possible, screaming “Xiao Luzi! My Lill’ Donkey!” and Wei Changze sighs, amused. He focuses on their doubles instead, to make sure they don’t lose sight of them. It is a strange experience, to see a reflection of yourself, bickering with the double of your own wife. He can’t help but wonder what Cangse Sanren sees in him and be amazed by his facial expression. He knows he smiles more than that, he is not that expressionless, right?
Unfortunately, the Sect Leader and his wife don’t arrive, even later, when his real-wife comes back. And their other-selves are heading to the forest, they can’t wait any further.
“Maybe they can’t because it’s not their dream?” tries Wei Changze as they depart too, following themselves (weird) from a prudent distance even though is unnecessary.
“Impossible, Baoshan Sanren is clear in her letter, the incense burner brings all the people who smell it to the dream, even strangers.”
“But she also said that the Lan’s song for the ritual would protect the performer and A-Ying from being affected by it. So there is, at least, an exception.” Reminds Wei Changze.
Cangse Sanren frowns, remembering suddenly that her husband read her teacher’s words too.
“Something must have interfered then.”
She hopes both of their friends are okay, wherever they ended up.
“Maybe they’ve been transported to some wet dreams instead and they’re enjoying themselves!” She jokes, amused at the very thought.
Jiang Fengmian would be so ashamed if it happened! He would turn all pink and hide away and never speak to her again, probably! Wei Changze winces at the thought too, as much as he likes to see his friend happy with his wife, he would rather not think of them that way.
“Too bad, I really wanted to night-hunt with them.” He says instead, to avoid the subject.
Ah! Now that he mentions it, Cangse Sanren feels robbed of an amazing experience. This sucks; she wants that too. It is impossible in their reality, the sect can’t just work without their right-hand man, Sect leader, and Madam! And she doesn’t have her legs, or her husband his sword arm, out there. Even if they managed to organize such a thing, like in the upcoming Sects conference- When is it due, and where exactly? She forgot -It would be less fun!
“Maybe, if we find out what went wrong, next time we can find another dream to share, the incense burner works with every past dream, apparently.”
“Did you ever dream of night-hunting before?”
Good question. She does not have time to ponder it very long though, as they soon reach the path in the forest where their dream selves parted. Immediately, Wei Changze gets his guard up and unsheathes his sword. It trembles in anticipation.
“Do you think you can recognize the place where we reunited and get sliced in half? I was kinda busy dying in the dream last time...” Cangse Sanren asks him; he is the one with orientation skills between the two. If he let her lead, she will probably go the opposite of the right direction. People were right when they said she wandered in the past, unfortunately, she never quite knew where she was going during her teenage years, both mentally and physically. Then Wei Changze happened and she never had to worry about where her feet would lead her again.
He, fortunately, nods, like he always does, and guides her. They depart hastily and she follows.
There are more and more trees around them as they advance. The whole place is dark and gloomy, the atmosphere seems thicker, and soon enough, the ground becomes muddy. She hadn’t noticed all those details before. Wei Changze can’t help but think that dying in a place like this makes him nauseous. No one gets a choice in the matter, he knows, but his wife deserves at the very least a clean place to draw her last breath.
That is not going to happen this time . He collects himself. Not on my watch.
His grip tightens on his sword, as it backs up his promise.
“We should use a trick to hide our faces,” He says, once they arrive. “That way if we interfere with our dream selves, at the very least we won’t have to explain the situation while fighting.”
“You’re right,” Cangse Sanren nods, as she does as he advised. The spell is famous among rogues cultivators, When they do not want to bring the attention (or jealousy) of a great sect. Her face gets blurry, fogged by darkness even for Wei Changze. Her sword too gets engulfed to the very tip of the blade. Despite that, he can feel her watching around, evaluating their option. “I think the blow came from this direction…”
They hide under the bushes and remain alert for a long time. The dream is definitely too realistic, Cangse Sanren shivers under the moon’s cold gaze, and Wei Changze’s skin is itchy because of the night dew around him. For a long time, they can hear nothing but their own heartbeats.
Then, there is the scream. They tense up, and they cry out each other’s name in alarm, before staring at one another, deadpanned.
“It was your voice!” Affirms Wei Changze.
“No, it was yours!” Denies Cangse Sanren.
Now they know that what they heard is the same, but they just didn’t hear it the same way. They wonder for a moment how that works, and Cangse Sanren settles for:
“This thing must lure its victim, making them hear what they fear the most at the moment.”
“Or maybe the voice of their loved ones…”
“Aw, you love me!”
“I’m married to you.”
“No, just eloped, remember?” She sings songs and Wei Changze feels himself grin, even though the tension does not leave his body and he stays alert, even if he wants to quote her and say “How come we’re not when I love you so much already?” just to make her smile.
It does not take long before their dream-selves run toward another and meet in the pathway, making their hand sign to assure the other’s identity.
That’s when Wei Changze notices something. Cangse Sanren does not waste any second, seeing it too, she unsheathes her blade and throws it in this direction.
There is a yelp, and a beast steps out of there, furious, the sword buried deep inside its flank.
It is a beautiful dark wolf. Far larger than it should be. In its fangs, there is the rusty blade.
So it is really a beast? Cangse Sanren blinks, she expected to fight whatever she saw that very night; the monster that plagued A-Ying for so long. It doesn’t make sense for it to be anything else! She exchanges a stare with her husband and he shrugs; they can think about that later. Right now Wei Changze notices how the beast’s body is incomplete, some of his muscles are missing, and he can see the whiteness of bones through his flesh. This thing was probably dead. Is probably dead. Maggots fester his wounds still, and it reeks of rot. Some bloody worms curl around Ziyou, Freedom, trying to claim back their own, sucking it in deeper.
“Not so fast!” His wife protests. She pulls on her ribbon, to get her weapon back. For a moment she hesitates, and seizes it with her good hand, while the sheath stays in her left one, ready to be used too. She will have to improvise something and adapt her usual style; this is so exciting!
“Who the heck are you?” Protests their dream-selves, shocked by the stranger’s intervention more than the beast. Her dream-husband, though, has his eyes deadset on the beast, and Wei Changze crosses its path to prevent it from fleeing.
“We’re rogue cultivators just like you! This one is way stronger than you think it is!” Cangse Sanren yells at her double. “It might be enhanced by something around! Look for it!”
Just as she says that there’s a flicker in the atmosphere, and Dream Wei Changze warns:
“Behind you!”
Wei Changze moves fast, taking one step to the left while protecting his side with his blade. He can feel something glide on it and land on the ground. He doesn’t have time for this though, and uses his support legs to spin around, and kick back whatever tried to attack him from behind.
He is surprised when he doesn’t touch anything, his leg passing through a black fog.
“A ghost?” He jumps back, and the four of them all join in the centers, back to back, to assure their safety. The wolf growls.
“Where is its sword?” Notices Cangse Sanren. “It was there a moment ago!”
“What is this?! What exactly might enhance it, do you have more information, What are we looking for?!” Inquires her double.
“Are there several ghosts?” Focus on dream Wei Changze.
Wei Changze has no clue either, but he remembers his own past experience of this night, there were indeed more ghosts, probably the souls of the villagers killed by “wolf” over the past ten years. But this is different. This…
The beast attacks them again, and they are forced to scatter. Cangse Sanren jumps above it and uses her sword to wrap her ribbon around the beast’s neck like putting reins on an untamed horse. The sheath is used as a bit between its fangs.
“I got him!” She claims, and her sword plunges into the beast’s flesh, assuring its grip. “Don’t drool on my scabbard you-”
“Be careful!” Wei Changze warns her. There might be a second opponent.
A talisman hits the wolf’s tail, but it does not combust on contact.
“It’s not a ghost!” States Dream Cangse Sanren, as she draws another and starts writing with her bloody thumbs. “Hang on!”
“I can keep this up forever!” His wife grits out. The beast starts to move like a fury, and Wei Changze understands that it will soon start to knock itself on a tree, hoping to get rid of this nuisance on its back. He needs to get its attention:
“You there!” He screams.
The beast turns to him, and enraged as he is, immediately jumps. Wei Changze uses the mud to his own advantage: instead of trying to avoid it by rolling left or right, he dashes forward and lets himself slide, sword up. He has less strength in this position, so he put his palm against the back of the blade, to ensure it keeps the right angle. It cuts through the beast’s stomach, and he closes his eyes as decaying guts spill on him.
How! This thing is not a ghost?! He spits, the blood burning his skin. It sure feels acidic enough to be deader than dead!
The beast can’t make a clean recovery from this, it stumbles and collapses on the ground. Cangse Sanren uses Ziyou, Scabbard and ribbon to pin three of his limbs to the ground. Dream Wei Changze is faster though, and mercilessly he cuts the beast head’s off in one swift motion.
“Hey!” Dream Cangse Sanren protests to her dream husband. “We didn’t manage to know what it is yet! Or find what is enhancing it!”
“I’m on it!” Claims Wei Changze, making hand seals, trying to detect any resentful energy around that might be tied up to the place.
She sticks another talisman on the thing, but yet again it does not light up.
“It’s not a beast either!”
Both of the women’s heads perk up; if this is not a ghost nor a beast, it leaves only one solution.
“This is a demon!”
His wife is closer, and she digs her hands to the wolf’s body, using spiritual energy to go through bones and flesh easier. Wei Changze understands immediately what she aims for: the demonic core. Otherwise, the demon will soon heal and recover, even with its head separated from its body. The thing is, a demon core can move and hide wherever in the body, and her double knows it. Dream Cangse Sanren starts to draw something in the mud hurriedly.
But before she finishes something howls. Something awful. A high pitched scream that makes their hearts skip a beat.
“Let him go!”
The order leaves the whole forest hollow for what feels like an eternity. Then suddenly.
“Watch out!”
Dream Cangse Sanren parries the rusty sword in time just before it beheads her. Wei Changze doesn’t care if this version of his wife is real or not, he engages battle immediately and pushes it back as far away from her as he can.
“Let him go! Let him go!” The swords scream, each time their blades clash, tiny dark sparks exploding all around.
Without a body to aim for, using the Jiang Sect’s moves is difficult. His dream self soon drops the search for the artifact and joins the deadly dance to give him some time to breathe, and distract it while he recovers after each dodge. He returns the favor as much as he can, but they are fighting something completely new. It is not bound by the laws of the physical realm, nor the limitations of a living creature's body; able to attack from any angle or direction. More than once, Wei Changze avoids being beheaded by a mere inch.
“We need to swap!” He finally tells his wife, as he goes back down.
She is not using the Jiang Sect’s martial arts, she is better at parrying than him. She has better chances of winning this fight. Cangse Sanren nods and dislodges her sword, ribbon, and sheath, her hands still bloodied.
“Takes care of his core!” She orders them.
“NO! YOU’RE NOT TAKING HIM AWAY FROM ME AGAIN!” The sword cries, and it feels like the whole forest around them sobs with it.
Dream Wei Changze doesn’t care, he pins down the beast with his sword, cutting through his spine: this way it should take some time to heal. Good thinking, agrees Wei Changze, as he uses the same technique as his wife and buries his hand into the beast’s body, looking for his core.
It hurts. The blood is black and boiling, and it feels like its innards are alive, like worms. It prickles and nips at his fingers, fighting back with all they have.
Behind his back, Cangse Sanren dances and crosses her blade and Sheath to block every attack.
Her ribbon circles around them, and more often than not, gets in the way of the enemy blade. She is beautiful; he doesn’t have time to admire her footwork and how she twirls in the air, as majestic as a bird, but he knows.
“This is a cultivators sword!” Screams Dream Cansge Sanren, bewildered, focused on something entirely different.
The thing can levitate, and holds its own against the four of them, and while Wei Changze doesn’t get how that’s it important, his dream-wife does. She turns to the body of the beast trapped, her eyes wide, while her dream-self connects another dot:
“This is the resentful ghost!”
She throws a talisman in his direction, and Cangse Sanren is too used to this kind of move, she slightly bends her head to let the thing hit its intended target while she slashes through another attack. This time, the thing burst into blue flames. It tries to get away but, as fast as the wind, her sword levitated around it, while she moves in the opposite direction. In less than one swift breath, they trapped the beast in her ribbon. The ghost combusts in agony, unable to flee, its binds restricting it in place without crumbling to ashes. Finally, the thing takes shape under the flames, a human form. A woman. It cries. She cries. Resentful energy struggles against Duandai but is met with Cangse Sanren’s spiritual energy in return; It’s no use. It’s even worse; the embroidery glows upon the material, sucking up the black tendril in one breath, to reject only small greenish purified smoke.
“Help me!” It still screams with a broken voice.
Wei Changze’s hands finally reach the demonic core and his finger curls around something similar to a nut. He forcefully pulls it out.
That’s when the wolf’s head snaps.
“Cangse!”
The wolf aims for the closest person around with its jaw, but Wei Changze was watching his dream wife’s back. He kicks it out of her way, while his dream self borrows Cangse Sanren’s sword and cuts the head’s skull in half.
Barely shaken, Cangse Sanren takes the core that Wei Changze barely extracted and puts a talisman on it. The thing explodes in million pieces with a final scream, echoes by the figure burning behind them:
“No!!”
And the body of the wolf dissolves in a puddle of black worms. The array drawn in the mud lits up, and the resentful energy dissipates. The ghost howls, even more than before as if hurt beyond any repair. It’s a scream of a broken soul, the scream of a mother facing their child’s death. For the first time, Wei Changze can relate.
It is a familiar cry. It sounds a lot like the one they both made as the beast’s jaws closed on A-Ying in their reality.
“Give it back! Give it back!”
The shape falls to the ground, already half consumed by the fire. It should purify it, but the blue flames flicker under the resentment, inefficient. The pain is too great, the ghost does not want to be appeased. It wants to fight. It wants to kill. It will die fighting, her body slowly turning into charcoal.
“This...This is pure conjecture.” Whispers Dream Cangse Sanren, as she watches the pitiful forms sobs, getting thinner and thinner, the rusty sword decomposing into ashes, small pulsing embers dropping to the ground.
“But...the villagers said that they had a wolf attack before, and they dealt with it.”
“But they got it wrong. They probably killed this rogue cultivator’s spiritual beast instead of the real wolves…” his wife completes with a sad look on her face.
Rogue cultivators don’t go through the calming rituals like members of sects. They can turn into resentful ghosts.
“So she started hunting down the village in retaliation. The beast became a demon when she fell, connected to her spirit, and rose from death to help, like in life.”
“Or maybe their spiritual beast turned into a demon, and really attacked the village, she refused to kill it, or died trying and was so angry when it was killed by others, she turned into a vengeful ghost too…” Says Wei Changze.
“Who became like this first is of no importance,” his dream-self speaks. “It is dead now. Thank you for your help, strangers, we would have not been able to win this on our own.”
Indeed, they would have not. The ghost that killed them is no more. Yet all that Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren have is a bittersweet aftertaste in their mouths, their hearts heavier. His wife leans on his shoulder and her bloodied hand finds his.
“I would have liked to purify them and allow them to reunite.”
He nods, sharing the sentiment.
“Maybe we will be able to, once we’re back to reality.” he offers.
But something is wrong; despite the strength of this creature they fought, it was different from the one they faced. Or to be more accurate, the vengeful ghost had minions by their sides, forcing the one she killed to fight with her and her spiritual demon. Is it because it is a dream? Cangse Sanren wonders. Then does that mean that the mystery they solved right there is fake, that they made up that tragedy completely? Why hadn’t they fought A-Ying’s monster and instead something entirely different? It’s something they will only be able to answer if their path with this duo of the vengeful ghost and demon, ever cross their way again.
“We still need to find what enhanced it…” Cangse Sanren whispers. She looks around and just as Wei Changze mimics her, the landscape shifts. The nightmare fades away.
Notes:
Next chapter will be up on Wednesday!! We'll see what Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are doing for a two-chapters arc.
While I was laying awake tonight I couldn't help but think of the fic and so I have a new question for all of you...Would you like, in the end notes, when the chapter gives the occasion, what would have happened In the canon-timeline...?
I'm not sure I'm very clear, for example : the very beginning of this fic start on the Night-Hunt that killed Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren. Of course in the original canon timeline, Wie Ying didn't end up in the forrest in the middle of the night. They get killed exactly like in the nightmare they are currently fighting in now. (And Wei Ying waited for 3 days in the Inn, until the Innkeeper just kicked him out, selling Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze's stuff to pay the room bill). Wei Ying wandered for a long time until he was found again by Jiang Fengmian at 9 years old.
There are several moments within the fanfic where I'm just like "okay, this is what's happening in the fic, but in the canon story, it probably went like this..." and I'm just wondering if you would be interested to know this èè Since I can't really put this into my text without exploding the fourth wall.
Chapter 32: Destruction of Lotus Pier
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're all okay because buckle up this chapter is going to be ANGSTY. My beta-reader, Fraudulent_Moose, once again edited it and wish you all good luck.
I hope you'll like it regardless UU
Previous chapter summary --> The incense burner dream sent Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren to their previous nightmares, right before the nigth-hunt. Alone. Their sworn brother and sister absent despite the fact they all fell asleep in the same room. Fortunately they were surprised to find themselves capable of using their limbs as well as before ; it certainly ended up very handy, as they faced the monster who apparently killed them that very night. It was not Mr Shadow man like Cangse Sanren expected, but a duo of a vengeful ghost of a cultivator and her spiritual beast turned into demon. Together with they dreamselves, they managed to defeat them, but not purify them or find what enhanced their strength in their reality. They remembered fighting way many more corpses! And why did they fight such thing, and not the monster causing the nigthmare in the first place? Why did they mind made up such a complicated lie and invent another monster instead of the real one at hand? As the dream faded away, the Wei couple found themselves with more questions than answers.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yu Ziyuan is pretty sure something went wrong with the incense burner, and she blames Cangse Sanren. When she opens her eyes again she finds herself in Lotus Pier, echoes of a flute song stuck inside her head. Jiang Fengmian is by her side, but Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze are nowhere to be found.
“Isn’t their dream supposed to take place in the forest?” She asks him.
Jiang Fengmian looks around, unsure. The fact that there is daylight assures that they are indeed within a dream, but…
“Maybe we have to travel to the correct localisation?” He tries. Just as he says that, they hear clamor coming from the main hall of the sect. Without thinking they rush to the place; after all, usually, where there’s trouble they always find Cangse Sanren.
But what they see when they arrive is not their friend. It is a man, heavily wounded, held up by two of his underlings (who’re also covered in blood). Checking his wounds, there is Jiang Fengmian. A copy of her husband, at the very least.
He looks exactly the same as the one standing next to her, while Jiang Fengmian, the real one, blinks a few times, incapable of gathering his thoughts in front of such oddity. Behind him stands a young man they don’t know, even if he is wearing purple robes of their sect.
Despite their shock, the scene continues, as the wounded sums up what they’ve gone through. They are from the Yao clan, and apparently had been unfairly attacked without any warning by the Wen clan, and then slaughtered. They plead Jiang Fengmian to come to their aid and avenge their family.
Jiang Fengmian avoids their gaze, and Yu Ziyuan recognognizes his face, one made when he is deep in thoughts, judging the pros and the cons of a choice. That’s when the young man behind him talks:
“Father” he says, and Yu Ziyuan’s heart skips a bit as she realizes she is facing her baby. Jiang Fengmian by her side is as shocked as her. He looks so tall! How...When? They can’t bring themselves to mix the little four year old boy he held on his lap during dinner with the man with a rough jaw, angry eyes and the traditional braided haircut of their sect. It is so unsettling they almost miss what he says:
“Wen Ruohan has ordered to track down the disciples who escaped from Qishan and to exterminate their clans, with no exception.”
There’s fear in his voice as he says that, his face getting whiter and whiter. They don’t understand; Qishan? Why should they care about disciples escaping from the Wen sect? If the Wen clan failed to make their Sect a place disciples want to learn…
But the whole situation must be more complicated, as Jiang Fengmian from the dream pales too. The Yao clan leader whines about the innocence of their clan, and it helps ground him, he tells him to focus on his wound and that the Jiang Sect will protect him while he does. As the man is carried away, another figure enters the place:
“Uncle…”
Yu Ziyuan turns around and meets another boy she doesn’t expect to see. Yet she has no trouble identifying him this time: It is Wei Wuxian. Jiang Fengmian can’t help but gets closer:
“He looks...Just like them!”
The perfect combination of Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze. He sounds like his father and has his nose, but his mother’s eyes and fine features. Jiang Fengmian then turns to Jiang Cheng, the truth finally digested.
“He looks like you…” He whispers, his hands almost brushing his son’s temples but he stops midway, unsure. Yu Ziyuan must disagree; yes her little baby looks like her, but he has his father’s jawline, and he talks with a tone, a cold anger, that is nowhere near what she could muster.
It seems this dream world is on the verge of war; and they all know it. Dream Jiang Fengmian even admits as much:
“Only the Jin Clan stands a chance against them…”
Yu Ziyuan sighs: the Jin clan will help, there’s no way her sworn sister will accept any of this. Yet the Sect Leader in front of her looks doubtful.
“Uncle Jiang, Jin Zixuan is somewhat a decent person,” Wei Wuxian calmly intervenes. “Even if Jin Clan were not to rebel against Wen clan officially, as long as Jin Zixuan is on our side, I believe the Jin Clan won’t sit there and watch the disciples of other clans fall into Wen’s hands.”
Jiang Cheng is prompt to back this up: “It’s true Father, to rescue A-Xian I went to Lanling for Reinforcements with young master Jin Zixuan.”
Yu Ziyuan feels proud, for many reasons: first because apparently she chose her daughter’s future husband wisely, the man is one you could rely on in this dream-reality. Second, the two boys in front of her are composed despite the gravity of the situation, and have a clear view of the political situation; they turned into fine young men who help each other. She has no clue what they’re talking about with this rescue, but it is evident that her son succeeded, as Wei Wuxian is still there standing safe and sound. This Jiang Fengmian must agree because he listens to them, and announces he will depart tomorrow to escort the wounded to the Carp Tower, and ask for Jin Clan’s help there, while the two boys will remain to guard Lotus Pier in his absence.
“I must really trust their ability…” Remarks her husband, as the whole sect makes the preparations in a hurry. The time seems to move so fast, way faster than it normally would, and before they understand what’s happening, they see Jiang Yanli get on a boat with her father.
“A-Li...”
Jiang Fengmian can’t believe his eyes; their daughter looks so pretty and dignified. Of course she always was, but the girl in front of them right now is a woman, and his heart is not ready to say goodbye to his baby yet. Thanks gods, despite her age, she still has the baby cheeks he adores so much.
Before they depart though, Yu Ziyuan of the dream arrives, walking through the deck with grace and determination, as always, her two twin maids following close. She gives her daughter food and some medications, for Jiang Fengmian, under a false pretense.
The real Yu Ziyuan is almost ashamed of her behavior; could she not just say things directly? Why is she hiding her intention? But her husband smiles and does what his dream version doesn’t do:
“It is very kind of my lady to take such good care of me…”
She elbows his side until his smirk disappears from his stupid face. Something bothers him though, as he watches everyone depart after the boat fades away in the horizon. He sees disciples in the crowd, both familiar faces and new ones. But…
“Where are Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze?”
Yu Ziyuan stays silent, looking for them but spotting them nowhere, not even as dream:
“Probably up to no good somewhere…” She tries to brush off. But she knows better too, she is not stupid and can analyze a situation. If they were here, why would Jiang Fengmian of the dream would have left the sect to two teenage boys, instead of his right-hand-man’s capable hands? Why didn’t he put me in charge? Her inner voice screams, angry.
There’s also something off:
“Wasn't the incense burner supposed to show us only past dreams?” Points out Jiang Fengmian. “Did you dream of such a critical situation before?”
She knows he can be stressed and often spends too much time dwelling on hypothetical situations, but this is another level…And he says:
“I sure didn’t.”
“Me neither…”
Again the dream acts weirdly, and they find themselves in a new place. A whole crowd is gathered inside the courtyard, and madam Yu stands, looking mildly annoyed. Things have apparently taken a strange turn, as a young disciple was apparently captured by the Wen Clan, led by a woman A-Cheng and A-Xian both seem to know, named Wang Lingjao.
The Madam Yu from the dream severely reprimands A-Cheng for panicking over this matter:
“Have you got any air of a future sect leader?” She spats.
And though this is true; Yu Ziyuan can’t help but feel sorry for her baby. He is only four! Her mind screams, even though she knows the man right in front of her is certainly not. She is once again ashamed of herself; up to destroying and spitting harmful comments in people’s faces. Jiang Fengmian even winces at the tone she employs, as if the memory of it physically hurts him.
The Wen sect enters, a seductive yet vulgar woman at their head. The meeting continues inside the hall, as if it is a simple courtesy visit, and this so called Wang Lingjao acts as if she is the Madam of the place, making comments over the decoration and the politeness of her host. She even sits on the Sect leader’s throne.
How dare she? Even Jiang Fengmian at her side looks annoyed; and that’s saying a lot.
But the weirdest thing is that, if Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are furious, the Madam Yu of the dream remains fairly calm. This is not me! Yu Ziyuan can’t help but think. In her shoes, she would have already used Zidian and whipped some senses into the whore. Unless she knew she couldn’t without causing dramatic political missteps. Is it what is happening? But even then, they are apparently on the brink of war, so why does it matter to keep appearances at this point? They are on their home ground, is her dream self so sure they will lose, even in their own territory?
She wonders what they have to do, in order to step into this dream’s reality, like Cangse Sanren talked about... She doesn’t know how, she counted on her sworn sister to be by her side and do the trick!
But of course she is not there!
Her anger must be showing, because her husband holds her hand and shakes his head, silently advising her to remain still. Whatever is happening right now, something is clearly wrong; they should act carefully. After all, the incense burner is defective, but it might still be able to kill them.
Still...Yu Ziyuan looks at the whore on the throne. How dare she! She tries to send murderous thoughts to her dream-self, convince her to drop all civility and pummel the bitch to the ground here and now.
It doesn’t work. The only thing that happens is Jinzhu and Yinzhu putting the Wen woman back in her place with some snarky comments, and Yu Ziyuan mentally thanks them for that. She knows she can always count on her twin maids to obey her orders, be it in a dream or in reality. The bitch dares talk back and tries to give the Madam a lesson, though. She even spouts some nonsense to justify her abduction of their kid disciple; with a kite that is supposed to represent the Sun of their sect and was taken down by an arrow: a clear provocation ( and proof of the mad woman’s mind ).
Jiang Fengmian closes his eyes, despaired by such a lack of politics, it is embarrassing at this point. While Jiang Cheng is angry about the whole nonsense like his parents, Wei Wuxian tries to act like his mother and uses the bitch’s logic against her, with a calm voice which reminds them too much of Wei Changze. Unfortunately that brings the focus of the discussion on the teenager, and oh there’s much to say about Wei Wuxian apparently.
“This child railed against our young master, and hindered him when he was fighting a monster, which made our young master tired and distracted and almost fail…!”
It is obvious that no one in this room believes this lie. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian however don’t know the truth, and even though they want to side with their dream selves on this, they can't help but think that, the Wei Wuxian they knew does has the tendency to distract people...And invite himself over to night-hunt at the worst possible time. But even if this is true, what the Wen woman is asking next is overly stupid. She asks Madam Yu to penalize Wei Wuxian accordingly to the seriousness of his crimes and set an example.
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are indigned, but it does not ends up there, as Wang Lingjao tries to be political again; she states that A-Xian is nothing but a servant, and not Wei Changze’s son, the right hand man of the sect and Jiang Fengmian’s sworn brother. That protecting him would be the proof that the Jiang sect does conspire against the Wen. And would prove some rumors.
They both know which ones.
But as Wei Wuxian finally loses his cool and steps in to protest he is mercilessly whipped to silence by Madam Yu.
Jiang Fengmian looks at Yu Ziyuan, his wife standing next to him, in disbelief, as if he is seeing her under a new light. Fear creeps her guts and she defends:
“I would never!” But this is a dream, they are here thanks to the incense burner...So this dream has to come from somewhere, right? But not her, right? Why would she think that? Why…
She is furious at her subconscious; yes she often wants to kick Cangse Sanren’s butt, but she never, ever extended this feeling towards her kid! He is innocent and suffering, clingy and loving. A-Cheng and A-Li both love him so much. Even the dream version of A-Cheng is trying to protect this man he considers a brother! But her dream self reprimands him back. Why would she imagine that? She knows that her husband hates corporal punishment, and even if she disagrees... She would never whip someone because a bitch who thinks she is smarter than her ordered her to! She doesn’t obey orders, she gives them!
Besides, she knows those rumors are wrong! Did she dream this while she doubted it was true? Even though- Even though! That’s unfair!
Right now she is furious at the damn artifact, for showing such false lies. Something has to be wrong with it. She would never ruin her efforts like this! Not when finally, finally she gained her husband’s trust and love back! She…
Jiang Fengmian’s hand pats her shoulder.
“My lady…”
Things escalated so quickly. Wei Wuxian seems to accept this unfair punishment, yet it does not end. A-Cheng is held back by the twin maids, as he asks for pity, shielding his brother but to no avail: no one listens. They feel the same as him, trapped. Jiang Fengmian wants to intervene but he doesn’t know how. Even Yu Ziyuan tries to slap herself, but her hands goes right through her double when she dares says to the boy’s face:
“I know you would bring nothing but troubles to the Jiang Sect!”
She whips him again and Yu Ziyuan can’t help but see the little boy of four she knows, the one who teases A-Cheng and makes A-Li smiles, who pats his mother’s knee when she feels sad and went to say to Yu Ziyuan, proudly holding his kitty: “I did what you said! I was fair, A-Li and A-Cheng didn’t play with my kitty so don’t let their dogs get close please!” It’s the boy who trusts her enough to protect him; not hurt him!
“Stop this!” She tries to gather all her spiritual energy in her voice, her order. But no one listens!
The bitch asks for Wei Wuxian’s hand next and this is enough. Jiang Fengmian gets his sword out of his sheath, but just like his wife’s strike, he can do nothing. It’s like they’re separated by a thick veil, and they don’t know how to go past it.
The saving graces of Wei Wuxian comes from the same woman who wants his hand: she apparently manages to say the one thing this dream version of Yu Ziyuan can’t accept. She stupidly admits her plans to occupy Lotus Pier and turn it into a supervisory office of the Wen Clan.
How dare you! This is our home!
Madam Yu slaps her mouth shut. When the Wen react to the offense, she neutralizes them with the help of her maids and zidian in one swift movement. One small part of Yu Ziyuan mocks them as they all stay down after just one hit: Wei Wuxian endured much more and he is still conscious!
And you call yourself warriors? You want to rule over the sects! My dream self thinks we can’t win against these cowards who have to take children hostage?
This is ridiculous. She has no doubt this dream is a lie now. Madam Yu takes her revenge on the bitch, slapping her again, mocking her clan and stepping on her, making clear who is superior and who is inferior.
This is so satisfying; finally! Finally something Yu Ziyuan would say and do! She even implies that Wei Wuxian is one of her family members, at least that’s how Yu Ziyuan wants to interpret her words. She recognized very little of herself in this woman before, but this...This anger is familiar. It is deserved. She dreams to let it out too.
There is a slaughter in the main hall. Yinzhu and Jinzhu take care of the remaining Wen, leaving the bitch crying as she swears revenge. But as she is about to get killed too, she screams a name:
“Wen Zhuliu!!”
Yu Ziyuan’s blood freezes in her veins.
A man steps in, entering through the window and disarming her twin maids like it’s easy, in order to save the bitch.
He is the spitting image of his late-father.
And he wears Wen Clan’s red inner robe, and their name.
Notes:
This chapter was so big it had to be cut in half. Next chapter will be the follow up of this one.
What are our thoughts, and especially your questions regarding the events / dreams ? Don't hesitate to share it as revelations are coming chapter 34. I still have time to edit it to add more answers / makes things clearer, but I can't know what's not clear if you don't tell me ^^
Next chapter will be up on Friday !!
Have a nice day and see you soon ;)
Chapter 33: Yunmeng Jiang Sect's fall
Notes:
HI everyone ! I hope you're all safe and healthy ^^
As for me, i am, though a little bit tired in confess (i want to sleep for 24 hours but i've got some work to do before that xD)
Thank you once again for all your amazing support, last chapter got so many comments, i'm amazed, thank you all very very very much!This chapter is angsty again, so be aware. I also wants to apologize because i forgot to put a summary last chapter even though i promised, so right after posting this one i will go back and edit the last note to put a summary xo
Previous chapter summary --> Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian didn't end up in the same dream as their friends, like they were supposed to. Instead they found themselves stuck in a strange Lotus Pier, that is on the verge of a war. Invisible and powerless, they saw their children aged up, now teenagers, and while they are amazed by their growth the situation leave them no chance to shine. In the absence of their Sect Leader, who went to seek help and reinforcment, Lotus Pier was invaded by a Wen woman, who dared misrespect the whole sect by asking for punishement to one of their. And to Yu Ziyuan's despair, this dream version of herself, Madam Yu, complied. She hurt Wei Wuxian in front of a screaming Jiang Cheng. Shocked by the scene, both Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan witnessed the events happen without being able to stop it. Whta is the meaning of this? Why is the incense burner not working as it should? None of them dream of such thing, how can this happen? As they were lost, overwhelmed by the situation, which escalated so quickly, a Wen soldier stepped in ; Wen Zhuliu.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yu Ziyuan’s mind is numb. It’s like meeting a ghost, she tries to reason herself; she fought plenty of ghosts before, there’s no reason to be shocked now. Freezing in front of an enemy means death, she knows that. And Wen Zhuliu is an enemy; he proves as much as when her dream version of her attacks and he parries, managing to catch Zidian with his bare hands.
Wang Lingjao uses the distraction to run away, Jiang Cheng tries to catch her but when his mother looks in danger he decides to help her instead. The bitch passes near Jiang Fengmian but his hands grasp nothing. She lights a signal, up high in the sky. It has the shape of a red sun.
They all understand what it means; soon enough Lotus Pier will be attacked by an army. They didn’t come here alone. The twin maids rise up to their feet again and offer their Madam the opportunity she needs. Madam Yu grabs Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng and flees.
Jiang Fengmian pursues her, and for a moment Yu Ziyuan hesitates: she looks at the son of her old, deceased friend, as he fights. On the wrong side! She knows this is nothing but a dream; and if she had any doubt about it before, she is sure now that it can only be hers, since Jiang Fengmian never knew any Zhao, especially not her deceased friend Zhuliu looks so much like. But I don’t remember dreaming this!
Is it the materialisation of all her fears about him?
It is true she saw a young boy who looked like his friend in Wen Ruohan’s palace.
Is it why her nightmares put him there, fighting alongside them?
She knows it’s fruitless but she stills asks:
“Zhao Zhuliu...How did we come to this?”
Of course the man doesn’t answer, he doesn’t even hear her or see her. Heck, he probably doesn’t even know her; last time she saw him, he was an infant. She has no time to grieve, as she hears her husband calling her in a hurry. She can’t do anything anyways, so she hops on the roof and joins him.
Madam Yu took the two boys on the personal Pier of the family, where there is always a boat available. When Yu Ziyuan reaches them her other self is already screaming at Wei Wuxian :
“It is all your fault!”
Why? Why is her dream-self so keen on accusing the boy? Is everything happening really his fault? Yu Ziyuan doesn't understand, she was angry at many people, and yeah sometimes Wei Xuxian annoys her, like every child does, but not enough for all...For all this! Why would her mind make up such a complicated lie, only to persecute an older version of her sworn sister’s son?
Where is Cangse Sanren when you need her?
She watches, as Madam Yu lets Zidian curl around A-Cheng’s finger and hugs him like it’s the last time they will see each other again.
Something in Yu Ziyuan’s heart, breaks. She had him in her arms during dinner, not so long ago. He stood in his father’s laps, on the Sect Leader’s chair, all proud and happy!
Then The Madam shoves Wei Wuxian away, insulting him and accusing him of everything. She activates Zidian, ties them up and force them to stay on the boat, while she make sure it goes afloat, with one last word to the boy:
“Wei Wuxian! Protect Jiang Cheng with your life!”
Wei Wuxian promises.
“Mother please!” Begs Jiang Cheng. “Father is not there yet, but he will be, can’t we face this together?”
Jiang Fengmian can’t take it, he insists: “I’m here, A-Cheng. I’m here my lady, let me-”
“What about your father? Why does it matter? You think I can't survive without him by my side?” Screams the Madam, unable to hear her real husband’s comforting words.
Yu Ziyuan can’t help but scream at her dreamself :
“That is not the problem!”
This is just misplaced pride: no one can survive alone on the battlefield, no one can hold a siege on their own! She might be the Violet Spider but she can’t! Sometimes the impossible stays impossible, no matter what!
Yet the Madam still kicks the boat, furious, and goes back to fight to her death. This is the Meishan’s mentality, once you start to hit your enemy, you don’t stop until one of you is dead.
As the boat departs, Yu Ziyuan jumps on it and kneels near the two boys. They cry and struggle, trying to break free.
“Is there nothing we can do?” Jiang Fengmian asks in a hurry. “They are exposed like this if any enemy finds them-”
“Zidian will protect them…” Yu Ziyuan repeats what her dream already explained. But she can’t help but touch her son’s face, even if he can’t feel it, as he begs for his mother to come with them.
Her eyes fall on Wei Wuxian too and she bites her lips.
“I’m sorry A-Xian...That’s not what I meant...that’s…”
But that’s totally what she meant in the dream, she knows. She knows that if the situation ever arises, she would say it again; because A-Cheng is her son, and she can’t breathe at the thought of anything happening to him, hurting him, at the very idea of him being killed. If she had to make a choice over the two, she would always, always choose her son over Wei Wuxian.
Yet she can’t help but think of the joyful little boy who ran around the hall only hours ago and hid behind her back. How he brought laughter to Lotus Pier just like his parents did. It’s not what he deserves! He should have someone ready to protect him as much as Yu Ziyuan wants to protect Jiang Cheng.
“That’s not how I should have said it!” She whispers instead. Her hand almost pats the boy’s head but she can’t bring herself to do it, feeling too guilty. She looks around one last time, where are your parents? even though she knows by now that she won’t find them anywhere. Where are Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze? Her anger flares. Their son needs them!
“I’m going back.”
Jiang Fengmian raises up, and she stops him:
“The Sect is turning into a battlefield!” She reminds him. “You can’t do anything!”
Jiang Fengmian gives her one pained look. “But you’re still there.”
“I’m not! That’s not me! I’m right here!”
“Yes, stay with them, make sure they debark safely…”
“This is a dream Fengmian, this is not the real me, you don’t have to save her!”
Her words are for him, but also for her; this is a dream, none of this is actually happening or true. She needs to remember, she needs to think about it that way to push the emotions back into a corner of her brain. This whole mess is the result of a defective artefact. They aren’t supposed to see this; but instead be at Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze’s side during the tragic night-hunt that almost killed them! They are supposed to be able to interfere with the dream; yet nothing is working the right way. Who knows what might occur next? What if Jiang Fengmian is suddenly visible in the middle of the battlefield, surrounded by Wens, and gets killed?
She grabs his sleeve, and restrains him there, safe. With their family, as he should be.
“This is my sect my Lady. I must protect it.”
“You can’t protect ANYTHING!” She yells.
And freezes, choking on her own words. Just like her dream self she went and did it again; hurting people when all she wanted was make sure they stayed safe. But her husband doesn’t flinch anymore, and he squeezes her hands back.
“I want to try. Even if it is just a dream.”
He kisses her, and jumps back to the Pier. For a moment Yu Ziyuan is about to follow, she even stands, but her husband turns back and asks:
“Protect them, please! I trust you with their safety!”
And she hears her son’s cries, his angry, frustrated groans as he tries to break free too.
Wei Wuxian is doing the same, he whispers to Jiang Cheng comforting words, lies. He talks about the core melting hand again and the very name sends a shiver to Yu Ziyuan’s spine. Even more so that it seems to be referring to Wen Zhuliu. To her friend’s son!
She has to hurry.
“You’re doing this wrong!” She turns to Jiang Cheng and tries to show him how to break free from the spiritual whip, to activate the rings on his finger instead of cursing at the violet lightning. But her eyes are blurry and she can’t think straight either. They can’t hear her. They can’t see her. She can’t do anything!
She can’t fix this if that stupid incense burner isn’t letting her being there in the very first place!
Suddenly, Wei Wuxian screams: he sees a boat. And Yu Ziyuan can see Yanli and Jiang Fengmian on board this one. This is not her husband, not the one she wants back and safe, but this is close enough for her traitorous heart to warm up still.
She shouldn’t. Because this husband is just like the one who just left. Just like she is the same woman that this madam. He ties up Jiang Yanli, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, orders them to take refuge in Meishan. When their children cry and beg for him to stay and not run to his death, he whispers:
“Don’t cry.”
Cupping their heads in his hands.
“I’ve never said I wouldn't come back.”
But he won’t. They all know. It is not the little troop that is on the boat with him that will make any difference. It’s not like he can abandon the sect, all his work, the purpose of his life.
“Take care of A-Li and A-Cheng” he says to Wei Wuxian.
Yu Ziyuan wants to go back with him and help; she wants to fight and protect her home and real husband too. But she doesn’t want to leave her babies, and Wei Wuxian in danger either.
Once upon a time, not so long ago...Yu Ziyuan was jealous, as she believed her husband would never, ever come back to save her if she was in danger. She had been wrong. Jiang Fengmian would. Jiang Fengmian does.
And she hates him for this. She doesn’t want him to.
This is not a dream, this is a nightmare!
She watches Jiang Fengmian’s boat disappear, her three children crying in her back, and she can’t stand it. She turns to Zidian and orders:
“Break them free!”
She can’t go until she knows they can defend themselves! And she has to go! Her husbands need her! Her home is burning! She gathers all her spiritual power in her voice. Who is your master? Not A-Cheng! Not Jiang Fengmian! I Am. And I am right here! Her anger screams, her blood yells, her whole body shakes. Obey me!
“Break them free!”
And it does.
***
Jiang Fengmian can’t do anything, his sword, Héping, is unleashed, but his blade goes through bodies without slaying them, and thus can’t fulfill its very purpose: bringing peace back. It’s despairing. He felt powerless before, when the little servant that would become his right-hand man was beaten down for a crime he didn’t commit, when his parents died, when his best friend eloped with the woman he once loved...But this is not the same. Back then he existed still. He was there, surrounded by people yet, he had his lady by his side and even if she spoke venom to him, she could still see him. Now he stands by her side, and she doesn’t.
He never thought it would hurt this much to be denied.
Jiang Fengmian hears Wei Changze’s voice ringing in his ears, amidst the chaos. I want to disappear. He had said. The world is the same anyways, whether I’m here or not. So what’s the point being there just to suffer? He didn’t understand back then. Heck he still hadn’t understood one incense stick ago. But now he does.
Is this what you truly want, my friend? He thinks, his chest tightening at the vision of his disciples, unrecognizable and familiar faces alike, being killed right in front of his very eyes without him being able to do anything. Because that’s worse!
He circles around his lady, as she gets striked again and again despite his effort and presence. By the time he arrived she was already in trouble, probably short on spiritual energy. And without her whip, she is exposed. Her fighting style is based on her second weapon; she is used to having advantages in middle-range fighting, but she doesn't have it anymore. Her step work is in shambles. Where is the woman he dueled, this very morning? Yet still proud, she continues to attack and parr better than he could do in her situation.
Jiang Fengmian would rather be with them and die alongside them than just witness their last breath without being able to do anything to ease their suffering, without them having any hope! Thinking their leader abandoned them to their deaths!
There’s even a child, there, lying on the cold ground. He must be the age of his daughter Yanli, barely old enough to hold a weapon, just starting to learn. Yet he crawls to a bow, his fingers bloodied. Jiang Fengmian can’t take it, he runs to him and tries to grip the bow. His hands pass through once again.
Why? What is going on with the incense burner, why isn't it working like it should? Can’t he do something? Is there anything he can still do?!
The boy manages to take a stance; heaven knows how, and even though he can’t hear him Jiang Fengmian whispers:
“That’s it, an archer holds his bow right and pulls the string just like that. Relax your shoulders, tighten the arm…”
His eyes lock on the man his wife called Wen Zhuliu. The field is clear, he can make the shot, he can! He has to!
“Wait for the right opportunity. It’s the way not to miss even one arrow!”
But Jiang Fengmian sees a sword pass through his chest. It doesn’t harm him at all. The blood on the blade isn’t his own. It pierced the disciple’s heart instead.
The little boy falls. Jiang Fengmian sees his daughter in his place. He tries to block the blood from pouring, he tries to give him spiritual energy to heal him, but there’s no use, the damage is too great. The wound is lethal.
Wang Lingjao withdraws her sword, and turns her heels, satisfied. She doesn’t even stay enough to hear the boy’s last breath. But Jiang Fengmian does.
“Master, I still can’t shoot…”
Did he hear him?
“It’s okay...It’s okay…”
Jiang Fengmian says, even though it’s not. “You did well.” He did not. The disciple died without accomplishing anything. He is too young. He shouldn't be there. He shouldn’t be dead! Jiang Fengmian should have been there to protect him for real, or at least die trying!
It’s my duty as Sect Leader, you’re all under my protection! You’re my responsibility!
What responsibility indeed! He wants to laugh at his damn good job: Lotus Pier is burning, the Lotus pond turns redder and redder.
“Trash!” Says Wang Lingjao. And Jiang Fengmian feels like trash indeed.
Then suddenly the door opens, and the nightmare version of himself rushes in. For a moment, there’s hope. For a moment he dashes to his lady’s side and saves her, killing who is threatening her with one strike. But that’s the sect style: deadly and fast.
Not made for defense.
That’s why he fails to protect himself from the attack coming from behind, from a man he doesn’t know or consider a threat. Wen Zhuliu.
It’s over in the blink of an eye.
Jiang Fengmian feels so ashamed; to be taken down so fast and easily. He didn’t even have time to give the troops hope, to assure his lady a way out, before sustaining a fatal wound.
“Fengmian!” His lady screams.
As soon as she sees him fall, his lady knees give up and she stops fighting. Her determination, her pride, her will to fight: all crumble. It’s gone for one heart breaking instant and there’s only pain and loss left. They share one last glance together, aware that this is the end.
Is this really all that I’m worth? He can’t believe it. Somewhere deep inside his heart, he can feel his father, his ancestors, all those who worked to build this sect, judging him. You ruined it. You caused this. Is it really all he can do, after all these years of training, after mastering the Yunmeng Jiang Style, the martial arts, after cultivating so much…Is this really all he is capable of?!
His other self must think the same because he raises his sword, with one painful swing...And get pierced once again by swords before he can end it.
Madam Yu cries, or does she laugh? It isn’t clear. Her eyes are dried but her plea is broken. She takes one last look at the Wen, but Jiang Fengmian can feel her gaze on him too, as if she can see his ghost. And she uses a concealed dagger to kill herself. While she draws her last breath, she crawls to her husband and squeezes his hands. He squeezes it back and opens his mouth.
Jiang Fengmian wants to scream. Tell her. At the very least he has to tell her something! Anything! Thank you? I’m here! I love you! Whatever works, but doesn't…!
But he doesn’t. He dies before he mutters a sound and soon his wife follows.
Jiang Fengmian feels like dying too, but he doesn’t. He stands there, in the courtyard that he calls his own, bloodied and buried under the bodies of those he promises to take care of at the price of his life. But he is still alive. And they are dead.
All of them.
This is hell, he thinks.
“Fengmian!”
The voice of his wife calls him back, again, but for a moment he thinks it’s just an echo of her last words. A ghost haunting him. It’s not, she’s real, more real and tangible than anything else around him.
“Fengmian!” She repeats. “Pull yourself together!”
Her hands are on his shoulder, he exists. I’m still here. Even if his whole self feels hollow right now. He raises his head and meets her gaze. It’s not void of any life, but filled with unshed tears and anger. It’s both strange and familiar.
“Fengmian…”She repeats, and she looks around to see her home, their family, their work, gone. People carrying bodies of their loved one like sacks of potatoes, trash to be cleaned and thrown away. He doesn’t need to say anything, she understands.
It hurts to say anything, anyways.
Someone has dragged their nightmares’ bodies away, they just have to follow the blood path to the throne room, where Wang Lingjao simpers on the laps of a man that he assumes is a young Wen master.
“That bitch Yu deserved it. She relied on the influence of her family to force that man to marry her. But what’s the use in marrying her when the man didn’t like her? Having been coldly treated for dozens of years! She was secretly laughed at by almost everyone. Though she never lowered her arrogant head down! Is what happened to her retributive?”
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t get it. What is this? He certainly never dreamed that pile of lies. And he doubts his lady ever did either! To be killed like this? To hear such nonsense? He squeezes her hands. He refuses to believe that the mind of the woman he loves can make such an awful world.
“It’s not true…”
He feels angers like he has never felt it before. Anger tires him, it makes one be hasty and not think straight. It makes people make mistakes. But what worse can this all be? What mistake is there left to make anyways? So he lets the emotion boil his blood and the words go past his lips for once. They can’t hear him, they can’t see him, who cares ! He might as well do what he wants:
“That’s not true! My lady doesn’t need anyone to force me to marry her! She had it thanks to her own achievement and strength! And she never wanted this either! None of us wanted this marriage!”
“I do!”
Yu Ziyuan’s voice interrupts him, and for one moment, he stops and stares, puzzled. She looks back and repeats:
“I do want this marriage…” She repeats, and squeezes his hands tighter, her voice tangled in a twirl of emotions. “I want this marriage, now…”
The Wen master on the other hand of the room complains:
“Is it? I think that woman was kind of beautiful. Why didn’t Jiang Fengmian like her?”
Do not look at her with your filthy eyes! He never thought he could be jealous; never understood jealousy before. He refuses to spit vinegar and fall so low, so Jiang Fengmian says what his other self couldn’t, before he died, he counters this lie with the truth to his wife:
“I like you. I love you. Now. I will not allow anyone to doubt that or laugh at you…”
She offers him a pitiful smile:
“I know.”
But the the Wen doesn’t and still pursues on and on:
“It goes without saying! A woman bowes others’ ears with a whip all day. That was extremely uncivilized. Jiang Fengmian marrying her is really rotten luck.”
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t feel that way at all. He is lucky he had met such a lady, willing to protect the sect this hard during his absence. There’s a lot of things he doesn’t agree with- especially at the beginning of this nightmare, when she hit Wei Wuxian and restrained their A-Cheng...but it’s not the Yu Ziyuan he loves. The one he cherishes is right here with him. Standing by his side, despite the chaos and the death surrounding them.
“True, women should be like my tender lovely obedient and sensible JiaoJiao…”
Such a woman would not fit Jiang Fengmian, he needs someone who is strong and determined when he is not, firm when he is soft. They are different, yes , so different that sometimes it makes things difficult and it hurts when they can’t understand each other, but they complete one another. It makes the moments they do so rewarding, like they accomplished a small miracle; the impossible! It is a far more interesting match than what those two have! He wouldn’t trade it for anything, with anyone!
But as Jiang Fengmian turns to say this, the whole scene turns black, and the voices of the Wen fade before the sentence is even finished.
Notes:
I hope you liked it =D
Next chapter is full of revelations (i think, at least for me it's so full of revelations iworried and kept editing it xD revelation scenes stress me so much, i do like Jiang Fengmian i delay it until i can't anymore xD) I hope you'll like it, it will be up on sunday =)
Now it's time for d-d-duel of questions!
Was the end of the chapter not too cheesy?
Did the incense burner worked in the end and allowed them to do something, or is it just wishful thinking on their part, that conveniently aligned with canon events? What is your opinion about it?
Also, Wen Zhuliu, do you want him to be saved, or not? I have plans for him, but i must admit i'm still not sure of how he will end up......And that's all. See you all on sunday =D Thank you for reading ! Have a nice week-end! *goes back to work*
Chapter 34: The third dream
Notes:
Hello everyone!
I want to apologize for missing the date yesterday. Fraudulent_Moose couldn't edit the chapter on time because of life, and I was sleeping when he finished it so...Sorry! It wa the chapter I teased you about in the comments' answers too, such a bad timing xD I hope you'll like it ! Beware, my beta told me it was yet another sad/Horrific chapter. I promise you it's the last one ? Is that a good consolation enough?Summary of the previous chapter --> Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian, still trapped in the nightmare induced by the incense burner, witnessed the end of Lotus Pier. Despite their efforts, they were unable to change much in this reality, Yu Ziyuan only managing to control Zidan enough to free her kids from it, and Jiang Fengmian to whispers advices to a dying young disciple. It was not enough to save anyone, let alone themselves and they assisted to their dream selves' deaths. Traumatized and furious, the events instead of drawing them apart, brought them closer than ever, but before Jiang Fengmian could put his first burst of anger and declaration of love into words, the dream faded away.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
They wake in the middle of a foreign, barren land. The whole world is grey, from the ground to the clouds, and ash is circling around them like snow. Cangse Sanren opens her hands in disbelief, as little bits of dust land on her palm and crumbles under her fingers. There must be a volcano somewhere around. It’s oddly familiar, yet oddly strange all at once.
“What is this place?” She wonders. Aren’t they supposed to be back now? It sure didn’t look like Lotus Pier, unless it had burned in one the night! She looks at her husband, puzzled, but he is as lost as her. He looks around the whole area, his guard up. There are small huts in the background, ready to collapse on the radish fields. But that’s not what drags his attention:
“Fengmian!”
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are there, finally! Cangse Sanren smiles as she recognizes the two figures, and she runs to them. The two scoundrels are holding hands.
“Were you having a good time withou-”
She doesn’t finish her sentence, they both stare back at them, their faces ashen, all color drained, their eyes bloodshot, as if they went through hell and couldn’t quite believe they got out. Which is quite close to the truth, even if she doesn’t know it yet.
“Fengmian, are you okay?” Wei Changze inquires, checking on him. But he finds no wounds at all.
“You...You look at yourselves! You’re covered in blood!” Yu Ziyuan shoots back, cupping Cangse Sanren’s face. “Where were you?!”
“It’s not our blood, but the demon from the night hunt’s,” explains Wei Changze calmly, as his wife laughs it off: “You should see the state the demon is in now!”
He frowns, and looks back at his Sect Leader, his tone apologetic: “We had to go through the dream without you, where were you?”
Jiang Fengmian shakes his head:
“Something went wrong with the incense burner...” He bites his lips and puts his hand on his best friend’s shoulder, to ground himself, or for support, he isn’t quite sure. He blinks at Cangse Sanren and mumbles, shocked:
“You’re standing?”
Cangse Sanren nods, a bit numb. It’s the first time she’s seeing her best friend in this state. Even when she saved him from death, when they met as teens, he wasn’t reduced to this. Now he looks like a strong gust of wind could scatter his soul away. She tries her best to hold him together, not quite managing to give enough humor to her answer to make it sound like a joke:
“Yeah, dreams have their advantages.”
“The heck they do!” Protests Yu Ziyuan. “I don’t know what is wrong with your artifact but-”
“She is right...We ended up in another dream than yours...”Jiang Fengmian repeats.
Gradually he takes back his dignity, his face retrieving some colors as he proceeds to explain what they saw, what they went through, despite his wife’s many interruptions and Cangse Sanren’s offended gasps:
“You whipped my baby!”
“I didn’t!” Yu Ziyuan defends, staring at Wei Changze as she does- she won’t admit it aloud, but his expression is very terrifying right now.
“You dreamed about it.” He remarks, his cold voice contrasting with the fire in his eyes.
“I didn’t!”
“That’s why I said there is something wrong with the incense burner,” Jiang Fengmian tries to explain, then he adds with an unwavering confidence:
“Neither I, nor my lady, ever dreamed about such things.”
Yu Ziyuan freezes and her lips thin, jaw clenching: she can’t allow herself to let out that tiny yelp that almost got past. It would be too embarrassing, too evident. She doesn’t want to appear this weak in front of the Wei Couple, she is not as shameless as them. Only Jiang Fengmian will know how much his words moved her. So she holds it back.
At the end of his story, Wei Changze is pale and shaken to the core, as he repeats:
“Lotus Pier….They’re all dead?”
His grip tightens on Jiang Fengmian’s shoulders, they stumble together. It lasts a second, then Wei Changze pushes this possibility back and firmly denies:
“It can’t be true.”
Cangse Sanren isn’t sure what she feels either; not as prompt as her husband to refuse this dream. She just started to call the place her home, it stings. But she does not, she isn’t...She doesn't know yet! It’s not happening. This is just a nightmare, after all, so why should she worry over it? Still her mind is working fast, trying to understand what might happen and what this could mean…
“You’ve never dreamed with A-Ying in your room before.” She whispers.
All of their gazes fall on Cangse Sanren, puzzled. She shakes her head, a theory sprouting from scratches; she needs to vocalize it to make it clearer, even for herself:
“You’ve never been close enough to A-Ying during night time to be affected by nightmares!”
“You think that’s what confused the artifact?” Frowns Wei Changze. “But…”
“Maybe that’s why you couldn’t do anything at all, because you had to endure it the first time like we did, but the incense burner messed up with it and so you lived this not through your dream bodies but your own? After all, the nightmare made us experience our own death the first time, but the incense burner is supposed to prevent you from going through that and be able to help you fight.”
“But we couldn’t do anything! Maybe the thing is broken! It doesn’t make any sense, I get that you saw what would happen during your night-hunt, you almost died, the event happened, but why show us that nonsense?!” Spits Yu Ziyuan.
Cangse Sanren blinks, her heart flickering as her brain burns, she remembers something. Something important. It’s there, on the tip of her tongue. For a moment all she can do is stutter. She almost has it, but it’s like trying to grip water.
“It felt so real,” Jiang Fengmian comments. “Wei Wuxian looked just like you. And A-Li...A-Cheng…”
Her hand closes on something, tangible and hard, the souvenir cools her skin, sends a shiver through her spine. She remembers Lan Qiren sitting inside the Library pavillon, his words and his ever serious face as he said: “...Though one noted down it might be prophetic dreams, for a reason that I didn’t find yet.”
Prophetic dreams? She had brushed off this possibility before, because it was nonsense, illogical given her experience and situation at the time. But why would Lan healers think that, in the past? Did they experience such a thing with the incense burner too? Could they confirm it? Every document under Lan Yi’s rule was lost, Cangse Sanren found no further reference during her week-long search. But, she can’t dismiss it as easily as back then either. Not when the stakes are so high. Not when it might mean that whatever they saw in this dream might really happen. That they could lose their home.
“I...I want you to stay calm and take the things I will say to you with a grain of salt…” She warns them, before she proceeds to share her current deductions and fears.
Yu Ziyuan’s face turns red, while her husband’s gets whiter and whiter. They are as offended and confused as her. Wei Changze shakes his head, repeating that prophetic dreams can’t be given to someone else, but...
“You said we weren’t there...not even in the background?” She mumbles, her heart beating faster.
Yu Ziyuan looks sorry, and that’s what worries her even more, when Jiang Fengmian confirms this fact with a small nod. Wei Changze sends her a look, his frown deepening. Maybe it’s because they spent so many years on the road together, fighting monsters, but he seems to think the same as her: Baoshan Sanren’s letter. Did they listen to the immortal’s advice in the future, leave their son in Jiang Fengmian’s care and go to exile in her damned mountain?
But certainty shake Cangse Sanren’s heart: I would rather die. Which, of course leaves only that one other reason for their absence: death. Was it the sign that the monster was trying to kill them, like Lan Qiren suggested? Was her teacher’s warning not one of her stunts for once? Or did…She closes her eyes. Did they die in the night hunt, in this version of the story? No! that’s too far fetched, she brushes it away. As if the whole dream reality could be linked together and build a reality of its own! That’s nonsense. Yet she can’t truly dismiss it; after all she lived on Baoshan Sanren’s mountain, she knew the secrets of the place that made it impossible to find without instructions…
Death. All the dreams induced by the monster had that in common: showing you your death. First Wei Changze and her, and now Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. Could there be a pattern here? She could probably test this out, but for that it would mean that she would allow people to sleep next to her son through the night. Part of her, the curious part of her mind, wants to see if they would dream of their deaths too. If the universe they see seems coherent, trying to regroup information…Yet, another part of her mind screams at the very idea, their fear regarding the Innkeeper still lingering. She will never, ever allow that to happen.
This is too complicated, the whole mess is giving her a headache. In the end, all they have to do is be cautious and not die? Right? Not die, not let the Sect be destroyed. Easy peasy. They can do that any day.
She looks at her husband and nods, sending her telepathic vibes of: “I’m counting on you for that part.” and he stares back, anxious, but manages to nod and gulp at the same time. They definitely mastered the telepathic conversation skill, like a good husband and wife.
“I will figure this out.” She promises to Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian. “Don’t worry I-”
She stops, and blinks. A faint sound interrupted her thoughts, a familiar, heart wrenching tune.
“Do you hear that? This Xiao sound!”
“I heard this before,” comments Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian at the same time, then they stare at each other, surprised.
Cangse Sanren looks around, a shiver running down her spine. She mentally prepared herself to fight the monster in the incense-burner-induced-dream, so she is not quite surprised to recognize the whistling sound. She just expected to fight this during the night-hunt, not in...Whatever this place is.
“It’s not a Xiao,” frowns Wei Changze, the art expert. “It’s a dizi.”
“Aren’t those the same? It's still flute!” Remarks Yu Ziyuan, annoyed. “We have better things to do than debate over instruments!”
Wei Changze gives them a judgmental look.
Jiang Fengmian though, agrees with his wife on this, as he stares around. His hand reaches for his sword, but he stops mid way, his heart wavering. What if they aren't able to do anything, once again? Trapped in this realm as ghosts? His grips tightens around the guard, anxious.
“There!” Points out Yu Ziyuan.
Something moves. Although the land looks grey and barren it is not devoid of any life, it would seem. There are sickly trees, which bend awfully like burned corpses, their barks white and grim.
“It seems we will have the promised four-of-us night-hunt, after all…” Comments Cangse Sanren with an excited smile.
Wei Changze steps in between his wife and whatever danger that might surge from there, vigilant. But nothing is happening, it even sounds like the melody is fading away, disappearing into the field. Yu Ziyuan’s anger had not deflated after this awful experience and she is more than willing to kill some monsters since the Wens who destroyed Lotus Pier are not available. With a burst of spiritual energy she activates Zidian. It crackles in the atmosphere, thunder responding to her emotions. She likes how it covers the melody almost entirely.
“Do not let it escape. We’re dealing with it once and for all.”
She pursues the monster, and before long she can feel Cangse Sanren join her side while Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze follow, a few steps behind to guard their backs. They share a glance, a common complaint; careless wives!
The place is a strange one; when they reunited, although the sky was grey it was evident that the day was up. But now the night has fallen without any one of them realizing it, the moon is way too high in the sky for this to be natural. Bamboo has sprouted from the mud like spears, and some are covered in blood. But there is no corpse. Sometimes a lantern rolls, with the emblem of the Wen clan. It seems like a mountain is burning, far, really far away in the horizon as the crows laugh, mocking it, unseen but present, lying in the shadows.
Cangse Sanren steps on a golden peony by accident and its petals drown in the mud. She doesn’t know why, but as she does, the sound of the flute’s sound gets sadder. As if it feels sorry for the damage she has done.
“It’s coming from there!” States Wei Changze, as they almost pass in front of the entry of a cave. Cangse Sanren puts a talisman on it, making sure they won’t be trapped inside, and her ribbon twirls around the pass, guarding it. They still enter.
The melody is deformed by the echo. It feels less and less like a tune and more and more like agonizing screams, repeated again, and again. There are nails marks on the rock walls around them. Wei Changze can’t help but think that it must be what the staircase to hell must look like.
And in the strange excavation they finally arrive in, there’s a blood pool, where Lotus plants rot. Jiang Fengmian shivers, as he looks at his reflection; there are bodies piling up inside this. Curled like fetuses, they almost look like they’re sleeping, but Jiang Fengmian recognizes the boy, the little disciple of Lotus Pier. The one he couldn’t help. Now that he recognized him, he can't help but look at the other corpses, trying to see if there’s anyone else. And he sees Yanli. This is not an illusion due to stress this time, this is the woman she was meant to be, laying there in this blood pool, her hands cross on her chest as a Lotus lies under her fingers, her expression sad yet serene.
Jiang Fengmian feels sick.
He glances around, praying, even though he knows it’s useless, that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian aren’t there too. His back hits the wall, and he feels something moving. He steps away and cuts it by reflex. A grey hand hits the ground, before dissolving into the dirt.
“Changze…” Jiang Fengmian whispers, his breath freezing in his lungs.
He doubts the other noticed, as the cave is dark and gloomy...But the walls aren’t made of rock, but bodies. thousand of bodies, as if the whole mountain was built on a pile of corpses. Their limbs are twisted, their skin ashen, and their face forever stuck in a painful lament. He recognizes Wen, Jin...Even Lan and Jiang robes despite the dust and grim covering it.
“What is this nightmare…” murmurs Cangse Sanren, as she approaches one of the corpses stuck in the wall.
“Be careful-”
Wei Changze’s warning is ignored, as his wife caresses the face of a Wen woman. She is holding a little boy in her arms, as if to protect him, and above her there’s another man, which looks more like a corpse than any other. As soon as Cangse Sanren’s fingers touch her, the corpse crumbles to ashes.
“...it’s…” Yu Ziyuan frowns. “It was…She looked like…”
Like the Wen Healer they met on the river. She doesn’t remember her name...To her shame, Yu Ziyuan realizes she hadn’t even asked it, back then. It is confusing, her heart still furious at the Wen for what she saw them do to her home, but her brain reminds her that they are some she actually liked. This is an illusion. This is all an illusion. The woman she appreciated is safe, somewhere in the reality. She is not in this cave.. Lotus Pier stands. Wen Zhuliu…Has to be Zhao Zhuliu still.
She closes her eyes and bites her lips. Conflicted.
Cangse Sanren’s eyes rise to the corpse who tried to protect the Wen woman, and then falls on the little kid.
“It’s not her family...I don’t think it’s her.” She denies. But her expression is unsure. She is uncharastically wary of her every step when she comes back to them. “Something is definitely wrong with this incense burner…This dream reeks of resentful energy. It shouldn’t be.”
“Who are you?”
Wei Changze points his sword in a direction, challenging. They all follow his gaze. But it is not someone who stands in the shadow over there. It is something. Something that is no longer human.
“The monster…” breathes in Cangse Sanren.
Yu Ziyuan’s palms get sweaty, and she can feel Zidians sparks on her skin. So this is what the little boy sees? Jiang Fengmian understands why he is so terrified, he is an adult, yet he can’t mute the feeling of dread and danger that twist his gusts.
The monster has no form, he is made of something malevolent, twisted and rotted, of mud and blood. It has no face, and millions of them at the same time, as the liquid that is his body squirms and forms agonizing expressions in the blink of an eye. Drowning people raise a half formed arm in the air, gulping for breath, calling for help before getting dragged by the waves and disappearing into the sea of death.
“What do you want from us?” Screams Jiang Fengmian, his grip tightening on his sword.
“Leave my kid alone!” Wei Changze orders.
“Who are you?” Adds Cangse Sanren, her voice shaking, despite the anger that flares in her eyes.
The flute sound stops. The monster turns to them and for the first time, it looks at them, his eyes glowing red for a short moment, before disappearing again into the void. And the corpses around seem to awaken. They all raise their swords. But they don’t care about them at all, instead, their mouth opens, agap, and they moan, they plead, they spit:
“Yiling patriarch!”
Their complaint is a new song, louder, creepier than the previous one. Their tunes clash, discordant, unlike the song of the two Lan in seclusion, it pierces ears and hearts alike.
“Help me!”
“Avenge me!”
“Curse you!”
“Bless you!”
Then the monster steps in, opening his millions of arms, embracing all their hopes and whispers. Everything goes very still. Tuned down, scared. As if he could both grant their wishes and shatter them at the same time.
“Don’t you dare take another step!” Warns Yu Ziyuan. Jiang Fengmian points his sword up, like everyone else.
Yet the creature takes it. the tips of the blade piercing through its body without him caring at all. Zidian wraps around him and thunder strikes.
The bodies around scream in pain, but the creature barely moves, unaffected, as his body is torn apart, spilling everywhere. It remains firmly standing. Its head bends sideways, staring at Cangse Sanren. Once again features form under the waves' rotten mud. Words splatter like blood, as its mouth opens.
Everything goes silent, as a silent plea from a child voice resounds.
“Mom...”
Her heart stops and her voice shatters:
“A-Ying?”
“Don’t listen to it!” Wei Changze screams back, urgent. But Cangse Sanren doesn’t hear his warning, because she ignored her son’s plea once, and that’s all she can see right now. Her little baby, in this forest, this very night, as he cried and asked for her. She pointed her sword to him back then and called him a monster. Now she faces the monster, and she can’t help but extend her arms, lost between dream and reality. Past and present.
“A-Ying!”
Arms wrap around her waist and stop her from getting further. She hits him with her sword guard:
“Let me go Fengmian!”
But Fengmian doesn’t: “That is not your son!”
But it is, he is. She can’t explain it, but she knows she is right and she feels like if she lets him go, if she ignores him one more time, he will be swept away again. This time for good.
“Pull yourself together Cangse!” Hisses Yu Ziyuan, as she tries to hold on the monster with her whip. Wei Changze doesn’t wait for his wife to fall into a trap, mercilessly he cuts the monster’s head that spouted such lies. The liquid sticks to his blade, and curls around the edge, tiny arms gripping his clothes and hair with dulled strength, as if they’re trying to pull him in, to absorb him completely. He shakes them off.
“I Want...I want…” The drowning faces repeat in echo.
The head dissolves on the ground and another takes its place.
“Kill...me...” It says, as the flute resounds again.
Then there’s the sound of a guqin that dispels the flute, and the creature whispers, his voice different:
“Save him...”
The corpse mountain moves again, and something lurks in the shadow, it manages to grab Yu Ziyuan’s hair and pull it. Jiang Fengmian has no choice but to leave Cangse Sanren for a second, to cut down the threat to his lady.
“Madam Yu…Uncle...” The voice whispers again. And this time, they hear it quite well, they recognize this tone. It is almost the same voice that had Wei Wuxian, in their nightmare. The same tone, the same plea. “Did you see it?” He asks.
“You demon! Stop this immediately!” Orders Yu Ziyuan, her heart beating faster in her chest so fast it lumps in her throat and makes every breath difficult. Like guilt.
She is seeing things again, the way Wei Wuxian accepted being whipped on the ground. She is hearing him again. She is seeing him watch the void, the crisp and ruins of Lotus Pier, as he curls around himself and asks the ghosts “Did I keep my promise to you?” No! No! You killed them all! You saved no one! the ghosts howl. What Jiang Fengmian sees is different, it’s the boy who is roped with Zidian and cries, cries, silently as his brother and sister weep and beg their father to stay. He sees him helping A-Cheng get on a Sect Leader’s robe that is too big for him yet, and how they both stare at the unfitting cloth, too aware of what is lacking. Standing next to each other, and yet miles apart, in their father’s shoes, they wonder “Are we up to the task?” and the regrets swirl. No! No! You’ll never be, you’ll never be good enough.
Something grabs their shoulders, and drags them in. Yu Ziyuan misses a step and falls into the blood pond, bubbles swirl around her, faces mixing in between. “Madam Lan!” “Madam Jin!” “Madam Jiang!” “Madam Wen!” they repeat. Jiang Fengmian struggles, he slices one hand, two legs, three arms, but there’s always more to take their place. “Uncle one!” Uncle two!” “Uncle three!” “Uncle four!”
Cangse Sanren is not bound anymore, and she opens her arms, barely listening.
“A-Ying…I’m here!”
Wei Changze wants to run to her but his knees give up halfway. Something seized his ankle; he turns to see it’s a white hand, emerging from the ground. You forgot us! You erased us! You unfilial child! It’s only fair you should not be allowed to save your own family! Their fingers bruise his skin, but not his heart, bloody worms rise and squirm while bumps and faces grow on his skin, screeching the words. You are still your parent’s child, why do you think you would do better? You can’t build a family! You’ll ruin it! He grabs them and pulls them out one by one. He refuses to give a thought to their words, to think about it. Yet still they infect his flesh, they spread. His eyes fall on his friends and family, he notices the bruises that cover their arms and faces, the bumps forming under their skin too.
“Cansge!” Wei Changze screams. “Cangse we have to get out of here! The seal! The seal to stop the dream! Do it now!”
Jiang Fengmian is barely holding on, he stepped into the pond and is trying to keep his lady’s upper body out, but creatures are gripping her robe, like water ghoul holding on to its prey. She can’t use Zidian without electrocuting herself with them. So be it! Let’s see who can withstand the pain longer between you or me! She thinks. Then Jiang Yanli’s arms curl around her mother’s neck, her sad sad smile and kind eyes upon her.
“Mother...Father…I’m so glad to see you again..I missed you.”
The thunder roars, casting a gloomy light on the cave made of corpses. Both Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan clench their jaw on a scream, as the ghouls, as their little Yanli, hisses in pain.
This is just like the night-hunt that had gone wrong. Wei Changze remembers the urgency, the overwhelming force that surrounded and overwhelmed them. An old fear burst through his chest. We’re dying. They can’t win this. They’re dying! This is too strong. We have to run! This is too dark. I have to take them away and flee! There are too many! I can’t fight them all. I can’t lose them either!
The hand that grips his ankle is cold, it feels like it’s shattering all his bones. You’re going to be all alone again. But it’s okay, you’ll survive it, once again. He clenches his jaw and refuses it.
“Cangse! We’re losing!” He screams again, hoping to shake her out of this illusion. “We’re dying!”
“Cangse!” Echoes Jiang Fengmian.
“You idiot Sworn sister! Do something!” Yells Yu Ziyuan.
But she ignores them all, again. The sound of the flute erases their voices in her mind, she can barely hear anything, except for the discordant melody, and the sound of her own heart beats. It’s overwhelming yet peaceful.
“A-Ying…”
Her hand reaches the monster, and the mud breaks at the contact like water. Slowly but surely, a face, a real one, if a little bit skinny and white, appears under all those resentful energy. She doesn’t know the man in front of her, yet she recognizes the shape of his eyes, and is familiar with his smooth skin, the way his nose curves. Her finger brushes through the curly, untamed hair and the tendrils of shadow alike. She knows this man still.
“A-Ying…”
“Wei Ying…” Someone echoes.
Her nose bumps against her son’s and their foreheads meet. She feels like crying. Maybe she is crying. He is feverish and cold at the same time. He opens his eyes, and it is not the silver amused light she is used to that holds her gaze, but a red as blood resentment.
“Get lost...” He spits.
Despite his words, his hands cup her face too, tenderly, as if he is afraid to hurt her. The mud around them howls, hollows, and they counters. “Save!”’Save!” Save!” Spiritual energy mixing with resentful, fighting it, struggling and losing.
“The Iron Yin...Get away from it!” Her son whispers.
His nails dig into his mother’s skin, pierces it. It hurts. It burns. Her eyes burn with tears. She can’t. She can’t pull him out. He is stuck. And her own body is getting absorbed. What the hell is this? What the heck is this? She can’t let go. She can’t let him go back there when it seems like the void, like hell. She isn’t letting her baby be dragged away by resentful energy once again! Not under her guard! Yet the faces around them scream and spread. She can feel bumps growing on her hands and cheeks, bloody worms growing between her fingers. She tries to grip her son’s robes, but her hand finds some strange artifact; she looks down and sees half of an old, barely held together, stygian amulet.
“Get lost!” A-Ying repeats, louder. And he clutches at something, the flute sounds resounds once again. His eyes focuses on Cangse Sanren once more. “I’m sorry, I can't do this much...I can’t control it...I can’t help this many!” Murmures A-Ying, but his confession is eaten away by the cries around them; “Yiling patriarch!” “Iron Yin!” “Save!” “Destroy!”
“Cangse!”
Something rips her out. Pulls her away. She can’t keep up, her hands slip and she sees her son’s relieved face disappear into the flesh of the monster. She fights back.
“Give me back my son! You...you BLOB!” She screams back.
“Listen to me! I don’t have a long time to be sane!” She doesn’t know how he manages to do so, but two hands cup her face and hold her close enough for a heartbeat of time. She listens. “I’m sorry for what I did in the forest...It was the only way, the only way I could influence these events…”
The forest? The night-hunt? Was it him, then? Did he scare her baby on purpose? Did he...Yu Ziyuan once said to Jiang Fengmian that A-Ying’s wounds were strange, as if it had avoided being lethal on purpose. When Fengmian told her so, she dismissed it, thinking it was just luck. Had she been wrong? But how? Was it him? Did he somehow control the demon and the cultivator? Why? How? You can't control resentful energy this accurately! You an't control resentful energy at all!
“What do you mean? Are you okay?”
A-Ying doesn’t answer, he shakes his head.
“You can’t save me...But you can save the other, you can save everyone else!”
“No!”
She refuses to listen. She tries to grip him firmly, but her hands pass through the mud and the blood without any strength.
“I’m glad I got to meet you…” He says. I will...I will help if i can...I will stay away!...Stay away...You have to stay away from the Iron Yin...! Keep it away from my sister, from me! From everyone! Don’t destroy it! Hide it! You must absolutely not destroy it or everything will happ...” A-Ying begs, as he closes his eyes, being totally engulfed into the monster again. She is being pulled back again, as if someone is pushing her away.
“ No! ”
She struggles, again and again, but Wei Changze’s hold is firm. He cannot let go. He never was one that could. She looks back and sees his bloody leg, as he takes a step further. The mud is sticking to them, trying to reclaim them like they did with A-Ying. It burns. It burns so much! She can feel their emotions, she can see their memories. Stay with me! Stay with me! Don’t leave me alone! I’m scared! I’m hurt! Save me! Destroy me! Ends this!
She can see someone stumbling as he heads to the edge of a cliff, his heart so heavy he can barely walk. I want to die. And she can feel someone trying to hold him back, by the wrist, praying: I want you to live ! While something dark and ancient, someone and some ones, break in between.
She jerks away as she feels her body hits something cold. Water. Blood. Everything is red. Blood? Someone slaps her. She blinks at Yu Ziyuan, but can’t recognize her completely. She is surrounded by lightning, her jaw clenched on a scream as her muscles are tensed with pain. Everything cracks Everything hurts. There’s sparks everywhere. Zidian?
“Cangse the seal!”
This time she hears Jiang Fengmian, he slices everything that comes close. She senses her husband’s body against her own. He is shaking, his breath is unsteady, almost whimpering. The monster around them seems to be in pain too, he twists and curls around himself, flute fighting against guqin. This is not her son. But...her son is part of this. Her son is in there! Can’t they see! Can’t they feel it? She has to help him, she has to save him! He is all alone in there!
“Changze…!” She sobs. “A-Ying! It’s A-Ying!”
“No. No it’s not.” “Not anymore!” “It’s an illusion!”
She can’t make out who says what. She sobs. She knows but she wants to deny it. It feels so real! She already abandoned her baby and let him get hurt. She-
“Changze!” Jiang Fengmian screams, and she feels the grip around her waist weakening. Her eyes fall on her husband’s face, as he slips away into unconsciousness. If one die in the dream, they die for real. She remembers the letter’s warning. She remembers the cold gaze of her mother as she said “Leave and you’ll die.” and that’s finally what shakes her out of her grief. She can barely move, yet manages to perform with shaky hands, the damn seal.
The cave disappears, along with the monster that swallowed her son. The Yiling patriarch. She hears again, as everything fades to black. The Yin Iron. Someone whispers, before the flute tune dies out with one last note. Get away from it.
Notes:
Congratulations to all readers who guessed about the Yiling patriarch!! As you can see it's a little more complicated than just him, but that's definitely him who is "helping" !
After this chapter you should be able to guess "when" the time travel took place too in the canon story ; or should I call it "canon deviation" ? I'm still not sure myself. I have plan regarding the canon story and how to handle it so it's not really the case.Do you have questions? =D
Do you have theories ? =DI would be happy to hear it !
Chapter 35: Back to reality
Notes:
Hello everyone ! Surprise chapter xD Since it was planned on Tuesday anyway, Fraudulent_Moose worked super hard to make it to the dead-line this time. It is all thanks to his effort that you have a chapter today (i was kinda thinking of publishing it on wednesday xD).
Anyways, last chapter was kinda hard, right? I promise things get better from now on, no more trauma because of the incense burner, return to little slice of life scenes for a while ^^(well with the plot going on there and there and some angst because they're kinda traumatiazed but you get the idea...)
Previous chapter summary --> The Wei and Jiang couple reunited during a third dream induced by the incense burner. Confronting their experience they were confused by the malfunction the artefact suffered from. Why did the thing sent them to a different dream? Cangse Sanren thought it was because, unlike the Wei couple, the Jiang couple had never slept near Wei Ying before, and so, discovered the dream they would have had to experience first before being able to influence it. But what did it mean? While the dream of the Wei couple made sense, because it happened in the past The Jiang's dream took place in a distant future. Were those premonitions, like the Lan healers thought in the past? They didn't have time to think think through as they were lured in the dream by the sound of the flute and finally met with the monster that torment A-Ying. The thing is vicious, malevolent, tormenting people with illusion of their loved ones dying. Was it illusion or reality, though, when an older Wei Wuxian appeared among the souls of the monster, calling for his mother, for help...? Flute and Guqin sounds mixed together as the Yiling patriarch advised Cangse Sanren to avoid the Iron Yin at all cost and to protect his family? Traumatized by this experience, Wei Changze wounded, they had to leave the dream before getting any answers...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When she opens her eyes, she hears a guqin. Cangse Sanren recognizes the ceiling of their new quarters at Lotus Pier, thanks to the lanterns hanging there. She moans as she raises up, her head heavy. It’s worse than a hangover. Everything is swirling around, her mouth is dry and everything hurts.
“Welcome back” Lan Juan hums calmly, still focused on her song. “It is not dawn yet.”
She looks around, and remarks that Yu Ziyuan is also awake, she is a little bit green, but seems all right.
“I’m never night-hunting with you again…” The lady complains.
“I’m sorry…” Now that she is awake, it is easier to think, and to realize how dumb she acted. Getting caught in the illusion like some inexperienced disciple, she feels herself blushing in shame. Yet she doesn’t have the strength to joke about it. Her son’s voice still rang in her ears, his pain echoing in her chest. The same, despairing feeling fills her chest; he is there, all alone, devoured by resentment. And she wishes, despite herself, once again, that she could be there for him. She didn’t want to leave him all alone in there.
Even if it was an illusion, she had wanted to save him, so much. But there’s someone else who she wants to save, someone who is real and she loves. She turns to Wei Changze in a hurry.
Jiang Fengmian is already there, checking her husband’s feet. She vaguely remembers seeing it bloody and shortened in the dream. But it’s unharmed right now. The same way she is not covered in blood and sees no bruise on either of them. Wei Changze mumbles, but he opens his eyes when she shakes him up.
“You’re okay…”
She should be the one saying that. He, once again, almost died because of her mistake. His hand finds her cheek, and his thumb sweeps away invisible tears. She hiccups and puts her forehead against his, just like she did with the A-Ying of her dream. He’s fine. Wei Changze’s fine! Her husband is fine.
So why can’t she shake off the feeling that her son is not? She doesn’t understand the point of this whole illusion. Why did the monster do that? If it’s not real, then what is the purpose of this whole scene? Luring her? It was already working, so why send her empty threats and warnings like he cares, like he wants her to live?
“A-Ying?” Asks Wei Changze, as if he is feeling the same.
Lan Juan must sense their distress because she takes the little boy into her arms, and hands him to Wei Changze.
“Everything went well with the ritual. What about yours?”
They don’t have the heart to tell her the truth yet, neither the Wei’s or the Jiang’s. Instead all their attention falls on the little sleeping boy in Wei Changze’s arms. He grumbles, rubbing his eyes, wincing as he is taken away from the warmth of his blanket:
“Daddy?”
He is fine. Only then the adrenaline and the fear in Cangse Sanren’s heart recedes. Wei Changze’s hold on his son tightens.
“I’m sorry sweetheart.” He whispers. “Daddy got a nightmare too. It’s okay now. Go back to sleep.”
A-Ying nods, his eyelids heavy, but before he can drift back to his dream, he takes the time to pats his father’s cheek, smiling sheepishly:
“It’s going to be okay…”
It is yet to be proven. They couldn’t get back to sleep after that, and spent the whole end of the night discussing in the main hall their experiences. Cangse Sanren looked at the incense burner thoroughly, trying to understand what went wrong, comparing it to the instructions in her Teacher’s letter, in vain.
“I can feel a little bit of resentful energy lingering on it.” Mumbles Wei Changze.
“But energy is energy, right?” She smirks.
He has the decency to not answer to that. Unfortunately that brings back the sour mood in between them all.
“Once again…” Jiang Fengmian orders.
“I’m beginning to think you are turning deaf,” Comments Cangse Sanren with a fake laugh.
“Cangse, be serious. Now is not the time.” Says Wei Changze, firmly.
“It’s the third time already,” complains Yu Ziyuan. “Surely if there was anything to discover in those damn dreams, we would have already!”
Jiang Fengmian’s lips thin, and his hands curl into fists on his knees.
“We can’t just do nothing. We have to make up a plan, something …”
“Against what? Do you believe this nonsense about the prophetic dream?” Cangse Sanren rejects immediately.
Not being able to laugh it off puts her on edge.
“I don’t want to take the risk.” Admits Jiang Fengmian.
She cannot believe the cave, the cavern full of corpses, her baby being swallowed all by the entity, to be the future. It is not happening. Not on her watch. Never. Yet she sees Wei Changze tenses at her side and his teeth clench. Do you believe this too? She can’t help but wonder. Get away from the Iron Yin. Why this warning? A monster would, on the contrary, push them to embrace such a dangerous artifact.
A dangerous artifact that had been lost for decades...This dream doesn’t make any sense. Her head hurts.
“Do you think...This is what Wen Ruohan is looking for?” She asks.
And when she sees the confusion in her friend’s face, shesays more precisely:
“The Iron Yin…”
She babbles, her mind side tracking into theory upon theory. It helps to focus on these rather than the pain and the frowns and worry on everyone's face she desperately wants to erase. Could it be that they went too close to it, during this night-hunt ? And that’s why it turned out so bad? She remembers Lan Qiren’s questions, in Cloud Recesses, too. He asked if it was the first time that A-Ying ever went near resentful energy too. And that one similar case to her son, Lan Yi’s case...All information regarding her rule was lost, because of a war due to the return of the Iron Yin…
Does that mean the Iron Yin is fated to come back, just like back then? Is it possible that Lan Yi, back when she was young, also got too close to an Iron Yin shard, and contracted those symptoms? Is that why her case is so similar to A-Ying’s and not quite exactly a sleep paralysis demon?
But what is it exactly? If her theory is true, then that means that whatever the monster is, he is the product of the Iron Yin. What kind of artifact warns people about their return, begs them to stay away or worse, to destroy them?
No. Not destroy them. A-Ying said to say away, but to not destroy it. What he wanted to destroy was himself. It hurts; her regret echoes with another plea she heard in the dream. Save him. That’s what she wanted to do. That’s what she still wants to do.
When she was almost absorbed by the monster, she felt this, among all this resentful energy, this spiritual, pure, white and golden intent. Something good. Some Yang among all this Yin. Maybe she is biased, but she wants to think that it’s from her son, or the illusion of her son- she doesn’t understand what exactly is what she saw. That he still wants to live despite his words. That he wants to be saved.
“The Iron Yin was a divine artefact, before it got tainted.” Jiang Fengmian remarks. “Maybe the little bit left of what it once was...”
“It just took the appearance of our son because it knew you would listen to that, and only that…” Says Wei Changze.
"So you both think this monster is the result of the Iron Yin...only?" She inquires, she is somehow following them on the first part, but she can't shake off her motherly intuition off ; the man she saw there was her baby. Even if it doesn't make sense.
“But what about this warning about Lotus Pier? Do you think it is prophetic still?” Yu Ziyuan insists on what is to her, more important but also easier to handle.
“No!”
Cangse Sanren refuses to believe that, because if this is prophetic, then that means that her son being engulfed by darkness, saying that she can’t save him, is also something that could happen. She is not allowing that to be true. Despite the doubts and against all odds she will take this wager and save her son, even if it’s the last thing she will ever do.
There’s a tense silence between them.
“Whether those dreams are prophetic or not is easy to prove...” Wei Changze sighs.
“Are you suggesting we just wait for this to happen?” Spits Yu Ziyuan, angry.
“More or less,” he admits. But before Jiang Fengmian can protest, he adds: “In less than one year, the beast that attacked us will be back once again. If we fight it, and it’s the same, we will know…”
They stop and stare, the fog of their mind lifting; it is true, they don’t have to wait for everything to happen to have proof. They only need one small event, proof, to know.
“I will go to the Zhao clan.” Announces Yu Ziyuan, suddenly determined.
“My Lady…”Jiang Fengmian comments.
“If I can find my son’s friend, Zhuliu, we’ll also know for sure if what we saw is the future or not.”
“The one who wore a Wen Robe, the...what was it, you said, core shaker?” Asks Cangse Sanren.
“Melter.” Jiang Fengmian corrects, grim. “I saw him fighting. When he hits you in the chest...It does something. His opponents can’t use spiritual energy anymore.”
“Sealed?” Inquires Wei Changze.
“His title is clear enough, don’t you think?” Spits Yu Ziyuan.
It is, indeed. But it looks so impossible; no one’s ever heard of such things before, not even Cangse Sanren on her mountain. There are of course incidents during the core formation, where a student loses their core because of a wrong move with their energy...or qi deviates. But to destroy the core of another? It is hard to do in theory. Cangsen Sanren supposes that you could send an enormous amount of spiritual energy to the meridian surrounding the core, until it exploded under the pressure, but would that even work? It would take a long time, and a lot of energy, too much to be really usable during battle like the Jiang couple described it. Maybe if you explode meridians around then? but with that one core would still remain, unreachable but still there! And why melting? Is it possible that the technique is as its title describes? Somehow she imagines the golden light pouring into the meridian from all directions, burning everything on its way, irremediably, before being expelled from one’s body with one last burst of energy. She shivers a the mere thought.
“If you think you need to do this,” says Jiang Fengmian to his wife, unaware of his friend’s theories.
“I need…”
Yu Ziyuan looks aways. The truth, is that she needs to be sure too. She needs to see by herself that Zhuliu is not a Wen, not the kid she saw at Wen Ruohan’s palace like she fears. She needs him to be different, to grow up to be like his mother and not his father. To still wear the name of Zhao. But if he isn’t, then Yu Ziyuan needs to fix this then.
Her finger brushes Zidian. And if this is true, if somehow this nightmare is prophetic, then what would she do if it happens again? If Wei Wuxian, her sworn sister’s child, is somehow responsible like her double implied? Would I do it? Would I whip him just like I saw? Would I force my son to witness such things while restraining him?
She can’t allow that. She can’t become that woman. Wei Wuxian is calling her auntie, not Madam Yu, like in the dream. It gives her hope that everything is just a cruel illusion sent by the monster.
“There’s the Sect conference soon…” Remarks Wei Changze.
“Indeed, in eight months.” Answers Jiang Fengmian. “It will be held here.”
He remembers politely inviting each Sect leader to bring their kids so the new generation could meet and befriend each other too. This initiative feels so far away. They have so much to do; he thought he had time, but now he feels like there’s not enough hours in a day to do all he has too. The worst is that he has absolutely no clue of what he has to do, just that it feels enormous.
“Here?” Repeats Cangse Sanren, surprised. “Didn’t the previous one, five years ago, also take place here too?”
“It always works that way,” explains her Jiang Fengmian. “Sects take turn to hold the conference, and the last one to do it does it twice in a row, the order reverting backward. It helps financially.”
Wei Changze turns to Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian, and remark:
“You said the Wen Sect might already have the boy. You can’t invite yourself to Nightless city without a reason...But you might get some information about the one you’re looking for during this time…That’s the best moment to get information. I will help you; I can talk to servants, given my statuts, they often know more than they let show, and would be more comfortable sharing it with me than you-”
“Because I'm scary?” She snaps.
Wei Changze’s eyebrow raises.
“Because you’re the Sect Leader’s wife, a noble, and you have a whip.” He explains.
Yu Ziyuan flushes. So yeah, very scary, he doesn’t say but his words imply, even though it is less due to her personality than she thought. Her harsh words, however, give away the tension that still lingers between them. They are all tired, stressed, and scared, to some extent. None of them know how they will get through the next day, in such a state, but they will have to. Cangse Sanren can’t stop herself, and she says with a fake smile:
“Aw don’t feel bad about it, I'm sure your husband likes you being all impressive like that. Maybe he even liked the-”
“Cangse Sanren!” Growls Yu Ziyuan.
Oops, too soon. But now they look slightly less miserable and depressed, so she supposes it can be counted as a win still.
“At the very least, we know what we’re looking for.” Concludes Jiang Fengmian, concealing his blush. Proof of the future; the Iron Yin as an artifact. Yeah, Cangse Sanren knows the monster warned them against it, but she is not very good at listening to orders. Or not saving the people suffering in front of her. She never was; especially when obeying endangered those she cares about. So fuck off. She is saving her baby, even if it’s an illusion.
They do not manage to hide their emotions as well as they thought they could. Jiang Fengmian stares at the ground in the throne room, for a long time, when he enters it. Disciples are wary of Wei Changze all day long. Cangse Sanren jokes even more than usual, yet he doesn’t follow along. Yu Ziyuan is almost shaking with anger as she prepares a trip to the Zhao Clan in front of her two bewildered maids.
“We’ll go by sword.” She announces to her. “It will be faster.”
If they are worried, they do not show it and obey her as usual. Yu Ziyuan has no clue what she will do once she gets there, as the boy she looks for is definitely no more in their care, but maybe she’ll get more answers than the ones she received in the letter. Maybe she can force the information out of their mouths.
“And once you find him, what will you do?” Asks Jiang Fengmian, later.
“I will bring him back to become a disciple of our sect.”
She expects him to refuse, after all, she is about to bring back a kid that might be dangerous; if anything, one that caused an incident in the Zhao clan. Something bad enough to be expelled from it. But Jiang Fengmian doesn’t. He simply nods and agrees with her. She hesitates, then goes to him to squeeze his hands in hers.
“You’re kind.” He says, his voice wavering, as if he is, himself, unsure if he would do that.
“No, I'm not. I’m allowing this because I would feel safer having him here, when I can supervise him, rather than outside, where he is an invisible threat. This is not out of kindness.” She confesses.
And maybe out of guilt too. But Jiang Fengmian pats her head and kisses the crown of her hairline.
“I believe it can be done with this in mind and kindness still.” He says.
She blushes and pushes the embarrassing feeling away. She needs to stand firm right now, and not let her legs turn into gelatine. Love is good, she likes it, but she will keep it for later. Yet...Yet she forces herself to whisper back:
“Thank you for always believing there’s good in people. How you always try to understand.”
She is surprised by how much she likes this side of her husband, when it is so awfully against what she believes herself. How much it annoyed her in the past. She supposes it’s especially efficient now because he believes in her greatness, when she always thought she was the one exception in his mind. She’s never been more happy to be proven wrong.
“You once said I was naive and soft for doing so.”
“Maybe you are, but back then I was bitter.”
“I like to call it more realistic.”
She smiles a tiny bit and he answers with a smirk, their foreheads touching.
“Maybe we can find balance in this, me trying to see the good side, and you telling me when the bad side has to be acknowledged. We could make a good team like that.”
“You stopping me from being too harsh, and me stopping you from being too soft.”
It sounds like a good deal, and she likes the sound of that. Maybe once everything will be settled, they can work on this. They can have this. She wants this as much as she wanted his love. Maybe she has become a bit greedy, too spoiled.
Yu Ziyuan is not the only one preparing to leave. Wei Changze is dead set on going back to the village where the night-hunt occured, even though the inn is not even rebuilt yet.
“Our disciple’s family is already there. I can ask them to be wary of rumors. Now that we know exactly what we’re looking for, it will be easier. I will also get some information about what we saw in the first dream, to see if it’s a possibility. And maybe goes to Yiling to see if they ever heard of a patriarch...We will have to find a way to communicate.”
Jiang Fengmian is conscious that this problem lies on his shoulders. He skips midday meal to look in the Sect archives with several goals in mind. Jiang Fengmian doesn’t want to take any risks; what they saw in the dream being the future or not, he will be prepared for it. There are many things he can do to improve the defense of his Sect- and many things he cannot.
Lotus Pier will be forever exposed, as it is built near rivers and surrounded by mountains.
So he focuses on what he can change: he will order more boats, secure evacuation routes and work to give the Sect’s territory a better barrier.
Cangse Sanren is already working on that since this morning, grumbling. She apparently embarked her son with her- and so A-Li and A-Cheng tagged along. Every once in a while they can all hear them scream “Go away mr Shadow man!” A sign that she has not found a way yet. He doesn’t know, but everytime her eyes linger on the place her little son’s points out, trying to see, trying to spot the boy she met in the dream, a question on her lips: are you still there?
But there’s other things Jiang can do. Doing something about the lack of defensive moves in the Jiang Style is going to take a while, but some can be dealt with now. Other big sects have a way to communicate within long distance. Jiang Sect does not. Why? He is sure there had to be something like this at their disposal, in the past. There is no way, once one of the sects showed such skill, one that every other didn’t try to imitate; if only to keep the balance of power intact.
Jiang Fengmian finds something very fast; he hurries to the main hall to show it to the others.
“I don’t know why our Sect stopped using it,” he confesses.
They find out quite fast, why, as they test it immediately.
Wen Sect uses a possessed owl to spy and carry messages. Jin Sect summons a butterfly made entirely of spiritual energy…. The Jiang Sect ancestor chose another way; that requires water.
The system is simple: one with a message should pour their spiritual energy on a pond, causing little tremors. It would carry their reflection to the one they think of. If the one they think of is near any water. And even if they are, they would only see the image and not hear them, they discover, as Yu Ziyuan tries to talk to them from their personal pier.
“The spell is incomplete…” Laments Jiang Fengmian.
“We could probably still interact with just the image, with hand movements…We already use some to confirm our identity when there’s a reason to doubt.” Analyzes Wei Changze. “I’m sure we can come up with some sort of codes with it.”
“The problem,” complains Yu Ziyuan. “Is that we can’t just know when one is supposed to contact us. What’s the point of such a method of communication if it’s useless during an emergency? We can’t always carry with us a bucket of water!”
They all turn to Cangse Sanren, as they expect her to find a solution.
“What? Why are you looking at me?” The woman gulps, as she is trying to tame her son’s hair.
“You’re the improver. Improve this.”Yu Ziyuan orders with a scoff.
“You say that as if it’s easy!”
“It is that, or you’ll have to not speak to your husband for days, as he travels…” Jiang Fengmian reminds her, as Wei Changze silently nods, in the background.
She whines:
“Such blackmail! Okay fine. But I didn’t listen to a word you all said, I was busy? What do I need to do exactly? Find a way for you to know when you have to go near a watery place and hear your message? Like a signal or something?”
“Why not use the bell, mommy?” Proposes A-Ying, as he makes his own clarity bells rings with a swift movement of his head, reducing his mother's effort to make him a ponytail to nothingness.
There’s a big silence, and then a sudden kiss.
“My little genius!”
It is, apparently, all it takes to send Cangse Sanren into one of her creative moods. She gives her son back to her father and starts mumbling theories aloud. Jiang Fengmian discreetly gave her some paper to scribbles on.
It will unfortunately, not be ready on time for the first trip. But at least there’s hope, and something to work on.
“You seem to all be under a lot of stress,” comments one of their Lan guests, before the end of the day. “Is there anything we can do to alleviate your charge? Did the incense burner causes trouble?”
“Kinda. But nothing we can’t handle. Keep doing the ritual, what matters the most is A-Ying’s health.” Cangse Sanren instructs them with a smile.
For a moment, Jiang Fengmian wonders if they will have to sleep all together again, and go back to the dream land. But Wei Changze gets back their bed into their chamber and reorganizes their quarter as it was before, with the help of Lan Juan. Though it can barely be called help, the lady seems to be very clumsy. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep getting to her, but she bumps into every piece of furniture, excuses herself to the object and almost falls to her death twice.
“Excuse my wife…” Lan Yuan sighs, again, as he forces the said wife to go to sleep. “I have no idea how she survived to adulthood.”
“Adulthood sucks.” Comments Lan Juan as she is pushed away.
He accepts the apology- and wonders once again, at the strange couple he has in front of him. But there’s more pressing matters at hand and he asks Wei Changze:
“We are not going back to the dream tonight?”
“Do you have any idea how to save Lotus Pier, with only the four of us?” Remarks Wei Changze.
He does not. And so he supposes he is right; they would only risk their lives there. And they still don’t know what went wrong with the third dream, they can’t take that risk.
“Are we sure it is safe? The Lan seemed to think that the dream could kill you…”
“If you do it regularly, which happens only if you sleep near A-Ying. Don’t sleep near my son. Problem solved.” He answers.
It is a bit more complicated than what he makes it sound like. Cangse Sanren barges in on her sword without any warning and out of nowhere and says:
“I’m going to make a new incense burner following Baoshan Sanren’s letter.” She adds. “Maybe this one will work better. Until then, no, we’re not testing it again. Maybe by the time I do, we will have a strategy about what to do to save the Lotus Pier of your dream.”
Wei Changze nods, clearly proud of himself, so Jiang Fengmian suspects he is the one behind this decision. It seems too reasonable for Cangse Sanren.
“Unless you want it for some lewd things while your wife is away?” the troublemakers smile, proving his point.
He blushes furiously. No Thank you. He is good.
“You will need a workshop soon enough, at this rate.” Contemplates Jiang Fengmian, changing subject not quite subtely.
Cangse Sanren’s eyes light up, and before she can say anything stupid, the Lan healer adds behind their back:
“You will have to change a few things in this building for her, to accommodate her legs. She can’t keep flying on a sword all the time.”
“You say that just because you feel scared whenever you see anyone on a sword.” she comments.
“Not anyone. Me. My wife. and You. Don’t think I didn’t hear how your landing went at Cloud Recesses, Cangse Sanren.”
“You crashed?” Guesses Wei Changze.
She doesn’t answer. And so...Jiang Fengmian adds a new task to his pile. They are going to have a lot of work to do, in the near future.
Notes:
I hope you lied this chapter ^^
Next time chapter will be out on Thursday ! I hope you'll like it ^^As you can see, they all handle the situation very well...
Yu Ziyuan : I'm gonna punch this problem, bring it back to the sect and raise him WELL.
Cangse Sanren : I'm going to joke about the problem until it feels not so scary anymore.
Wei Changze : I'm going to fix this problem even if i self-destruct in the process.
Jiang Fengmian : I'm going to find a solution, or wait for a solution to come up. Does Cangse Sanren has a workshop? I think she needs one, that way if the wen attacks maybe they will stumble on one of her invention and they will all explode.
*silence*
Jiang Fengmian : I might be panicking a little.
Yu Ziyuan : No, no actually i think this is your most brilliant plan so far.
Wei Changze : it could actually work.
Cangse Sanren : PERMISSION TO MAKE THINGS EXPLODE AQUIRED! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Chapter 36: Through their eyes
Notes:
We reached more than 1000 kudos! Wow! I'm so amazed !! And happy! Thank you all so much for your support, you're all amazing readers and each kudo, each comment, each bookmark delights me to no end ^^
Previous chapter summary --> Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan, Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze awoke from the incense burner induced dreams, traumatized but determined. They were not sure yet if what they saw was the future, as the Lan healers of the past thought, but they didn't want to take the risk. For these reasons each of them started making plans. Jiang Fengmian decided to strenghen the sect, starting by perfecting the Yumneg Jiang martial art style with defensive moves ; and found an uncomplete spell for communication. Wei Changze started to look for the Iron Yin, and rumors that would confirm or deny the reality they saw in the dreams. Yu Ziyuan was determiend to find Zhao Zhuliu before he became Wen Zhuliu. Cangse Sanren got her own workshop and became the unofficial inventor of the sect.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jiang Fengmian sits in front of the tablet, in the ancestors hall. He burns an incense stick, and watches it as it’s consumed. This is all you have . He repeats himself. This is all you will have to be sad, and ashamed of yourself.
His eyes are on his parents’, and he feels as cold as the stone they’ve been reduced to. He feels the eyes on his father on him, and his grandfather, and all the people before them, feels the weight of History on his shoulders. He hadn’t felt that way since the following days after his father’s funeral. Too small and weak, too young and inexperienced. He never quite got along with his father. They were too different. The man was a warrior, and Jiang Fengmian was...Well, he was. The man thought he could correct his son and thicken his skin, turn it into armor somehow. He was too controlling, he mocked the people Jiang Fengmian befriended, laughed at the name he gave his sword, and his mild character. When they returned to Lotus Pier, after Cloud Recesses study, and he let his son take the seat of Sect leader under his guidance, it had been nothing but conflict after conflict. It has been tiring. Without Wei Changze at his side, his young self might have given up, just in hopes to stop feeling sick at the idea of leading. To stop the fighting.
“Just be yourself, Fengmian, don’t fight your nature, you don’t have to be like your father to be a good leader and inspire people. Am I not following you?” His friend had said.
Then Wei Changze left.
And instead of telling him “I told you so,” or “this is what you get for trusting a servant” his father simply patted his back. “Life is full of goodbyes” he said instead, “Get used to it.”
He already knew he would be the next one to leave Jiang Fengmian, back then, and maybe it was his way to prepare his son for it. His way to be kind. In the end, his father was too sick to fight every single of his son’s decision, and he let Jiang Fengmian do what he wanted, only scoffing from time to time that Jiang Fengmian was naive, that the Sect he wanted to build was impossible.
“Well, I will still try to make it.” He had said.
It was the only time he had seen pride in his father’s eyes. Then his condition got worse. And when it was time for everyone to say goodbye to him, Jiang Fengmian chose not to go. He chose to take this last image of him- a man proud of his son; not this sick person he barely recognized. It was a selfish choice, one many reproached him to do, including Yu Ziyuan. Her words back then, when he withdrew himself, still sting.
“You were just scared.”
Maybe he was. Indeed.
“You hurt him.”
He probably did. But JIang Fengmian was going to live on, after him, while his father wouldn't, he would have to live with this memory, not them, not him. So was it wrong to protect himself first? They sure seemed to think so.
“You’ll regret this.”
He never regretted it. Sometimes he regretted not telling his father why he didn’t go and tell him goodbye; but not saying goodbye, not seeing him ; he did not regret that. If he had to go back in time; he would probably leave him a letter explaining the reason why but not…not going. It was not his choice in the end.
“You’re unfilial.”
He was, but they never quite got the father-son relationship right in the first place. His father died later that night. And Jiang Fengmian mourned not the man, or a father, but the person he wished he could have gotten along with one day. All the knowledge that went with the deceased; all he had yet to teach him and to tell, all the words they should have shared, too afraid that it would draw them apart while they were alive when it could have been the foundation of understanding. He missed the man he never quite got to know before the end. What was his life like, what was he feeling when he watched his son rebelling, was his own father too strict, and his grandfather before him? For how long did this chain of disappointment run back? He remembers, that back then as he withdrew himself for hours, how he had wished to know all the secrets and the tiny details he missed growing up; to know everything that made his father the man he was and end up saddened by the fact that this was lost forever. He remembers despairing over the fact that, even if he succeeded to do the impossible, his father would not see it.
And now, he might cause the sect to fall apart and fail; ruin years of years of effort. Maybe his father had been right all along. Maybe Jiang Fengmian was too mild. Maybe Jiang Fengmian was dreaming. That’s the risk with attempting the impossible; sometimes you fail. But when a Sect leader fails, everything he protects crumbles with him.
He looks at the incense stick, and the time is trickling at the rhythm of his heartbeats.
What would you have done father? What would a warrior like you have done? Should I do it your way, since my way led to disaster?
He thinks of the Jiang Cheng and the Wei Wuxian in the dream, as they watched each other, asking themselves the same question. Well, his father would have said goodbye, accepting that last image even if he hurt him. He would certainly not let his Sect be under attack, and be killed the moment he steps on the battlefield. His father would have fought.
Shame drains him. He needs to get better. Maybe he needs to change too; he isn’t sure yet if he does though. He loves the person he is now, the person that is loved by his friends and family, the person that works with his best friends and Yu Ziyuan. But he is conscious that he, at the very least, has to become stronger. So he did not fail his father, and all the ancestors that are standing before him. He didn’t say goodbye to his father so he could keep with him the image of a man proud of his successor, but it was at the cost of his father leaving with the image of a cowardly son. If- if his soul is still here and not reincarnated yet, he wants him to see that he is not. That he is up to the task he settled to himself. That he will protect what the clan left in his care, even if it means going against his nature.
The last bit of incense is consumed. Jiang Fengmian takes a deep breath; not anywhere closer to the answers he seeked coming here. He is starting to believe he will never have those.
He still feels the eyes of his ancestors on him, he still has the weight of this maybe-future on his shoulders, and the shame clinging at his feet. Yet he still turns around and leaves; his time is up. He has to return to the living, and protect them, so that the sacrifice of the dead could not be in vain, and their spirits might rest in peace. So that they can live in peace still.
***
Many things change in the following days. The kids stare at all this in awe, and a bit of disbelief too. Of course since the Wei couple arrived that fateful night, nothing is the same anymore, but it is starting to be more than just an impression. Visible proof of the modifications are coming to life.
“I don’t like it.” Complains A-Cheng, as, once again, his mother leaves the Sect. And This time A-Xian’s father is going to (though they do not depart together). It’s like all adults are taking turns, playing a big game he doesn’t know the rules of. And not a very funny game either, as they look tired. If they don’t like it, shouldn’t they just stop? He doesn’t get it.
A-Li hums, she knows a little bit more than him and assured her little brother that Uncle and Mother would be back soon enough. But still.
Auntie and Father are busy in their absence. Which feels a bit lonely. Father has a lot to do, with the Sect, and the only way for A-Cheng to see him is to participate in the other’s training with A-Xian. Which they do, because they don’t have much to do in the morning anyways, and A-Li is there, so it’s more fun.
But after the afternoon meal, they are under Auntie’s supervision. And it’s very weird. So far, A-Cheng hasn't had many occasions to spend time with her.
“I need your help to chase the monsters out! You’ll be my assistant cultivators!” She explains.
They are apparently trying to make a ward around the Sect. At first A-Cheng finds this exciting because that’s grown-up’s work...But he soon changes his mind. Mostly because apparently grown-up work consists of moving a lot of beams and carrying clarity bells there, and moving this a little bit more to the right, then a little bit to the left...then back again. And writing stuff on the ground and on paper he can’t read yet. He doesn’t get how A-Li finds this fun. It’s boring! Even A-Xian who was excited at first, is now busy drawing a letter to his so called best friend from Cloud Recesses.
“Auntie…” Asks A-Li, as he is busy making inked handprints on A-Xian’s skin. (Auntie said he wasn’t authorized to waste paper because it was expensive).
“Hm?”
“How do the words work?” She wonders.
“What do you mean?”
She bites her lips and hums again, before clarifying:
“How do you turn words into power like you do?”
“AH! You see,” Auntie explains. “Words have power, they carry an intent, a meaning. If you write it with spiritual energy it will give it the strength to bring this intent to life. You have to be very precise when you write it, and to stick very close to the nature of the object you write on.”
“Why?” Asks A-Li, and A-Cheng is glad because it sounds complicated.
“Well, it’s simple, if you try to roll something round, what happens?”
“It rolls!” States A-Xian. And A-Cheng scoffs; that one was easy!
“But if you try to make roll, let’s say, a book?”
“Books can’t roll!” Scowls A-Cheng.
“They can,” Assures Auntie, though. “But it requires a lot more effort. This extra effort is wasted on it, while it could be used to make the spell stronger. Do you get it?”
“I’m not sure.” Confesses A-Li. “So all you have to do, to turn words into power, is write it?”
“No. You have to be careful to choose what you’re writing on and with. You can write with ink, spiritual power, or blood. You write with intent. You make your intent clear. You choose your words carefully so that your order can’t be misunderstood…”
A-Cheng falls asleep during auntie’s explanation. He wakes up later, when there's a yell. A-Xian is jumping everywhere, overly enthusiastic:
“I can’t see him!” he states. “The monster is gone!”
A-Cheng looks around, before remembering that he couldn’t even see the monster in the first place. He has a little trouble being happy for something like this, and rubs the drool off of his chin instead. A-Cheng is surprised when his father appears, and takes him in his arms, as he discusses with Auntie. He holds his breath, doesn’t dare to move in case father would put him back on the ground if he makes a sound.
“So the barrier works?” Father asks.
Auntie nods, but she doesn’t look happy and proud like someone who did something great. A-Cheng doesn’t quite get it. Why isn’t she dancing like A-Xian, with A-Li?
Instead she points out the buildings around the town, where they hung threads and bells all day.
“It will ring only if someone with a high Yin energy enters the place.” She warns. “That way we'll always know if someone with bad intent is there.”
A-Cheng looks at the bell, like his father. There’s wind but no sound comes from it. It’s a bit weird. Father nods with approval though, so he supposes it’s great. And he likes the idea of being safe; not that anything can happen while his father, mother and uncle and auntie are there! The Sect is the best after all! They have nothing to fear!
But since uncle and mother aren’t there, he supposes it’s a good idea to have that thing.
“A-Ying…” Auntie calls. And A-Xian comes running to his mother. “I want you to tell me, if you ever see...Mr Shadow man again.”
“Okay!”
A-Cheng wonders why Auntie looks sad, as if she regrets driving the monster away. He sure doesn’t regret it. A-Ying looks happier the next few days, never looking at the shadows all tensed up and afraid like before. It makes A-Cheng’s job to protect him easier. Now he just has to run as fast as him every time and kick his butt before he hurts himself by acting stupid. Easy peasy.
Surely, A-Li was right, uncle is back not long after this. He returns to training them like nothing happened, and helps Auntie build other stuff all around Lotus Pier when he gets time off. So it makes their afternoon a bit more fun. He likes A-Xian’s mother, but she gives too many hugs and kisses, and she explains things too much. He prefers uncle, who is always up to play battle, or cultivator or monsters.
But Uncle also looks sad now, and A-Cheng doesn’t know why. All he said when he came back was:
“There are indeed stories about a cultivator who lost a spiritual beast in the village, twenty years ago.”
Maybe he is sad because he knew the spiritual beast. It must be awful to lose your pet. A-Cheng would be super sad if anything happened to his puppies. But twenty years ago seems like a long time? How old is A-Ying’s father? He scowls at uncle without managing to get any answers. He must be quite old since he is a father, he decides.
“I’m giving you three a mission,” says Jiang Fengmian to the three kids, not long after Wei Changze is back. “Make sure he is never left alone. Keep him busy.”
They take this task very seriously. Plus it’s the perfect opportunity to train his puppies, A-Cheng decides. If he is sad because he lost a pet, surely, spending time with his dogs would do him good! One of the Lan guests- the less weird of the two, the guy- made A-Cheng a whistle out of bamboo.
“You can train your dog with it, so they can answer to the sound.” He explains him.
It makes A-Xian whines at the very idea. A-Cheng doesn’t understand how the boy can hate dogs so much, when he is very much like one -always happy and eager to play- but A-Cheng promised to protect him, so he will keep his word. That's what a future Sect Leader does. As much as he finds A-Xan’s fear stupid, he can’t deny how scared the other boy is, or how anxious the very idea of dogs being near makes him. So he asks Lan Yuan:
“Can you make another? One that will make puppies stay away?”
The healer blinks, but understands quite fast the intent behind the request:
“There’s no need for that. There is no sound that dogs like or don’t like. But you can train them to answer to one note or another…If you always play the same one and make them do the same thing each time, they will understand what they have to do on their own. Wei Wuxian already has a dizzi, you can teach him to play a note that makes them go away.”
“It’s like pet cultivation?” Wonders A-Li.
“Pet cultivation. I like the sound of that.” Yawns the Lan wife near her husband. “Will you become the grandmaster of pet cultivation, young master?” She mumbles before nodding back to sleep, in a meditation pose.
A-Cheng likes the idea very much, even if he doesn’t think the Lan girl isn’t really reliable. He saw her trip on her own feet just this morning.
“Pet cultivation is cool, but why dogs? Dogs are stupid.” Mumbles A-Xian in the background.
“That’s not true!” Protests A-Cheng immediately, feeling his heart squeezes. “Dogs are the best!”
“Cats are better! They don’t bite!”
A-Cheng is okay with protecting A-Xian from dogs, but he can’t allow him to say that his dogs are bad! Because Father said that if his dogs are bad, then his dogs have to go! And he wants them to stay! Just like A-Xian. he wants them both. Can’t he understand that? So he attacks back.
“They do scratch, it's worse! And they can’t even obey orders!”
“They can! They can! My cat relayed a message!”
“Once! Only once! And your cat likes my dog!”
He knows, they noticed that A-xian’s cat is befriending one of his puppies: Princess. A-Cheng found them sleeping curled together this morning, and the cat even climbed on the puppy’s chest, letting himself be carried away, almost invisible in the other beast’s fur.
The reminder doesn’t please A-Xian at all, and he protests:
“My cat is better than your dogs!!”
“No he’s not, he has a silly name! Wufa Xiao Bu ke Neng the third is too long!”
“It’s perfect and way better than Princess, Jasmine and Love!”
A-Li tries to mediate between the two, but fails miserably. She has to ask Wei Changze for help to separate the two boys before they start fighting for real. Wei Changze agrees to help with A-Cheng’s idea to train the dog to flee or arrive at one sound, after they explain what exactly happened to the adult. It’s way easier to convince him than A-Xian who always cries when one of the puppies barks, so he proposes himself to play his son’s role. As if he is A-Xian, when the first puppy comes near him, he fakes a scream!! Which brings attention to auntie, who is also fake crying like her son, as soon as she gets the idea...And even the Lan girl starts to get into their game!
Seeing adults acts like babies is very funny. But it upsets A-Xian.
“I’m not like that!” He whines.
“Really? Does he cry like this then?” Wonders Cangse Sanren, before trying a screech.
“No, I think he sounds more like this,” illustrates Lan Juan, testing another note.
A-Cheng can’t hide his smirk, and even A-Li hides behind her sleeve. The only one who seems to find all this very embarrassing is the other Lan healer, who shakes his head. And A-Xian, who turns all red.
“I’m not! It’s not funny!”
“A-Ying,” says his father. “When one makes fun of the other he has to be prepared to be mocked back too. It’s important to accept people mocking you.”
“But it’s not funny, I’m really scared!” A-Xian sobs.
A-Cheng has to confess, seeing his almost-brother cry does make him feel a little bit guilty. And the adults around seem to think the same because auntie takes her son in her arms and comforts him:
“Okay. It’s also important to say when a joke hurts you. A good troublemaker doesn’t do these kinds of jokes once he knows.”
A-Xian sniffs, and A-Cheng feels like the worst, he wants to do as his sister and give him a tissue, but doesn’t have one.
“That’s why…” Hesitates Wei Changze. “That’s why you shouldn’t make fun of A-Cheng’s dogs too. He likes his pets. It makes him sad to hear you say bad things about them. How would you feel if I said bad things about your cat?”
A-Cheng blinks; he is pretty sure uncle didn’t do that to give them a lesson. But he can’t be sure because uncle is very weird sometimes and has weird plans. Like when he managed to get A-Li back to training- he is still not sure how he did it. But usually, his plans aren’t mean like that, it’s more of a game. He is not sure he likes this way, even if it works, and A-Xian sniffs and promises to never complain about A-Cheng’s dogs, in front of him, again.
Fortunately it happens only once. Soon enough, uncle and auntie turn boring stuff into games once again. The next one they do is when they install a weird system of rods fixed on every ceiling of the Sect, even the terraces.
“What does it do?” A-Li asks, as she helps the disciples make them.
Wei Changze is busy making A-Cheng and A-Xian walk on the ceiling, so it Cangse Sanren who answers:
“It’s for me, so I can train to walk again...apparently…”
The Lan healers explain something very complicated to A-Li, and A-Cheng frowns.
“You want to see how it works?”Cangse Sanren proposes to the little kid.
And her ribbon curls around one of the beams they fixed everywhere, once it does, it comes back and circles around her waist. Slowly, she raises to her feet and makes painful steps forward. She would have probably fallen immediately after it, but the ribbon supported her and left her suspended mid air. A-Cheng doesn’t find this very impressive, but A-Li applauds, very enthusiastic, like it’s awesome. So he does too. A-Xian is a little bit more like him, and after a moment, he scratches his noses and says:
“It’s like there’s a big swing everywhere!”
And to illustrate his idea, he takes some big ribbon too, asks his father to make it go around the beam like his mother’s, takes the two end pieces in his hands and...Runs as fast as he can with a big scream...Before lifting his feet and letting himself slide forward.
A-Cheng wants to do that too! This is an amazing idea! Before long, lots and lots of people try it too, disciples and servants alike. Auntie seems relieved to see them all have fun, and try their way too with a big smile on her face, her husband pushing her. Even the Lan guests end up giving it a go.
“Come one dear, it’s fun!” Assures Lan Juan.
“No it’s not. It’s like flying.”
“We’re not that high above ground, dear…”
“I’m not. And you’re going to crash!”
“Of course I won’t! Can’t you have a little more faith in me?”
She does end up crashing into a wall.
“I told you you would end up getting hurt!” Complains his husband. “I can’t believe you, even children play and get out safely, and you try it once and almost break your skull….”
“Maybe I did it on purpose, just so you could look after me and heal me, just like old times?” She laughs. “I know you became a healer for me...I know, so say it, say it !” She boops her husband’s nose.
“I think she hit her head pretty hard.” Comments Wei Changze, concerned.
“Unfortunately, no...”
A-Cheng makes the mistake to stare at her too long and she pinches his cheeks, cooing about him being the cutest little angry purple bun she ever met. A-Ying saves him by sacrificing himself and she is the one she ends up kissing like he is a puppy and hugging him too.
“Okay, maybe she did hit her head…” Concedes Lan Yuan, before kneeling near his wife to make her let go of A-Ying, “Dear, those are not the babies from the nursery, you’re not allowed to...”
She throws up on his feet and with the help of uncle, they take her to the infirmary in a hurry.
“Yurk…” Comments A-Cheng.
A-Ying rubs his cheeks, which are all red and swollen. It could have been him, he thinks with horror. I could have died, crushed by hugs and kissed to death! What an awful way to go!
“Thank you…” He tells his brother, patting his back, grateful.
A-Xian simply shrugs and smiles:
“You protect me from dogs, I protect you from kisses!”
A-Cheng is clearly the winner of this deal, but if his new brother is an idiot, what can he do about it? He accepts the deal.
When they come back after dinner, he eyes the Lan girl, expecting her to throw up again. Yesterday she was super excited, always smiling and looking at him and A-Li and A-Xian with big stars in her eyes, like she wanted to play. He almost found her funny, until she tried to tell them a ghost story; Now she barely eats and seems about to fall asleep in the middle of her meal. Are they sure she is okay?
“It’s because she plays me a lullaby all night.” Explains him A-Xian when he says so.
“That's unfair, why do you get a lullaby and we do not?”
“I can play you a lullaby!” Proposes A-Xian, getting out his dizzi.
It’s the worst lullaby ever, the boy does not know how to play yet. The awful, awful song wakes up Lan Juan who applauds by reflex and says it’s wonderful. Is she deaf? A-Cheng can’t help but wonder. And apparently neither can anyone in the room.
“It’s important to be supportive with children, so they do not lose confidence in their ability or their curiosity,” she states. “It’s very good A-Xian.”
Her smile does waver when A-Xian plays her a couple of notes.
“It’s important not to lie to the kid so they can progress too.” Argues Lan Yuan.
For a moment Cangse Sanren, father, and uncle are watching the couple in silence, like there’s a duel. A-Cheng thinks it’s the most boring duel ever, because all the two Lan do is stare at each other with a smile. Then finally, Lan Yuan yields, and sighs:
“Wei Wuxian...let me teach you…”
“I knew you would be a wonderful father!” Lan Juan chirps.
Uncle proposes to help (he says “it’s my kid don’t steal this from me, I will do it.” to be exact), but Auntie hushes him and says to let Lan Yuan prove to his wife he can be the father of their future children, which is very gross) and Lan Yuan takes pity on A-Xian and gives the boy a music lesson. It’s very funny, because they are similar yet different. Uncle is very encouraging while Lan Yuan is almost about to say to A-Xian that he sucks, and each time he stops himself because his wife smiles at him like it's a threat.
The next time A-Xian tries to play, it’s a little less awful.
Mother comes back, the very next day. She looks a strange mix of sad and angry. Father takes them all to the town, for their “family” moment, but it does not improve her mood at all.
“Mother, look,” A-Cheng says, trying to make her un-frown. “I taught my dogs a new trick!”
And he uses his whistle. Three puppies run to him eager, asking for treats joyfully. A-Li gives them while A-Cheng pats their heads. Then he whistles again, another note, the most important one, and all three dogs go into hiding.
“It’s a note A-Xian can do on his dizzi!” He explains his mother. “That way he can do it and my puppy will go away!”
Mother pats his head and says:
“Good job.” But she still looks sad and he doesn't get why. Maybe it’s because some dogs are still visible, not very well hidden- but he is working on that! It’s like playing hide and seek with his puppies. Soon enough he will teach them how to be invisible! He knows. And maybe he will even teach Princess- the one A-Xian’s cat actually likes -to protect his brother from afar. He just needs to work harder.
“I don’t think that’s why mother looks sad” says A-Li when they’re back.
“Yeah, I don't think so too!” Mimics A-Xian. “I can’t do that with my cat. It’s impressive!”
A-Cheng feels proud. That’s true. A-Xian tried to do as much and all he got was a yawn from his kitty. And when he tried to put the beast on leash, the cat laid on the ground and let himself be dragged instead. So far, A-Xian is terrible at pet cultivation! He can’t even manage to make Wufa sit properly at his signal!
“Let’s find out what’s bothering your mommy!” Proposes A-Xian then.
“I know how we can do that!” A-Li insists.
A-Li hushes A-Cheng and A-Xian, and asks them to follow her. Sneakily, they hide behind their parent’s bedroom window and listen.
“They chased the boy, Fengmian. He made a mistake during training, the very next day after his father’s death, and damaged one of his comrade’s cores. They put him into a cell for days and kicked him out with his mother!” They hear Yu Ziyuan say, her voice trembling with rage. “The leader even has the guts to tell me it was exile, or execution; like I should feel grateful for his mercy when he threw out a widow to the streets!”
“And the boy’s core? The one who was harmed?” Asks their father, after a while.
“I examined the disciple’s core... It’s…it’s awful. Impaired. I don’t know if he will ever be able to cultivate again...”
A-Li puts her hand in front of her mouth, gasping at the very idea, and A-Cheng feels scared too. It’s like the worst thing that can happen, right? Mother surely says it with a tone that says as much.
“If you were this disciple’s parents...Don’t you think you would have asked the same punishment to befall on the one responsible for it?” Inquires Father, his voice rather cold, just like when he reminds A-Cheng that a Sect leader does this or that.
Mother scowls too when she hears it, just like he does.
“What are you three doing…”
Jinzhu appears behind their back, scowling too.
“Scatter!!” Screams A-Xian.
It doesn’t work, they run into each other, too confused. Jinzhu brings them back to the courtyard, holding them by the back of their robes despite their protests. In the end the twin maids take them to the bath. It’s awful. A-Xian, the traitor, manages to get out of the bathtub and runs away naked.
‘Traitor! Come back and help!” Yells A-Cheng.
To A-Xian’s defense, he does try to come back with help, but he is soon caught by Yinzhu and thrown back into the bathtub too.
They never get to know who mother was talking about.
Notes:
Next chapter will be up on saturday and will be featuring A-Li (Jiang Yanli)'s pov. =)
I struggled a bit with Jiang Fengmian during this chapter ; in my draft i described him like he is accepting most of the time, always trying to mediate and find a compromise, understand each party of the problem, and find the best solution (even if it means waiting in a awkward position)... except when he is like "no more" and turn into the most stubborn man with the patience to wait until it you're dead so he can do what you said no to him. I figured that the destruction of his sect was like the "no more" moment he needed.
Also i wanted to talk about his father for a long time ; this is by no means a way to simplify the problem by going "okay so Jiang Fengmian is a shitty father to Jiang Cheng because he has a shitty father too". Like always i try to be nuanced regarding that matter.
Anyways after this i was sure happy to have JC's pov that is so refreshing to write xD I like this kiddo so much. I hope you liked him too.
One of the comment suggested Yu Ziyuan's pov for this chapter, and it would have been a great idea! I just didn't think of it (that's the downside of having lot of chapter written in advance, i suppose). But after the comment i thought of why i didn't write Yu Ziyuan's trip to the Zhao clan. First because i didn't want to bother with lot of OCs and a Clan i would not use afterward. Second because after the incense burner arc, i probably needed wholesome moments rather than head to a super serious angsty chapter once again. And also because when i wrote these chapters i had the desillusion that we were heading to an ellipse of a few years (finally...but in the end it is not what happens because they have so much to do at this moment that there's not enough of them to handle everything) and so i was very eager to just...get on with it to go to the next arc. It would still have been interesting to have YZY's trip ; so i apologize to all her fans for not thinking of that u-u
Oh also...My awesome beta reader, Fraudulent_Moose helped me decide where to squeeze the revelation chapter ; it will be for chapter 40 ^^ So still a bit left to go.
Chapter 37: The power of words
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you're all okay, healthy and safe!! Thank you for all your amazing reviews last chapter and your support <3
This chapter was once again beta-read by the amazing Fraudulent_Moose !Previous chapter summary --> While adults tried to deal with their own problems, children on the other hand, did their best to cheer them up. They kept Wei Changze busy so he could not revert into one of his sad mood, and supported Jiang Fengmian. The new routine was hard for everyone of course, but they managed. A-Cheng trained his dogs, founder of the pet cultivation, while his sister slowly but surely started to get interested in Cangse Sanren's work. A new barrier was held around Lotus Pier, and free of Mr Shadow Man Wei Wuxian started to embrace his new freedom and family eagerly. Of course, not everything was okay all the time : A-Cheng could do nothing to allievate his mother's mood after she returned for a strange trip. With the help of his sister and brother, they tried to sneak in and find out what was bothering her in order to make her smile again, but got discovered by the twin maid and got thrown into a bath as a punishment.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A-Li is not stupid. She may be gentle and soft, but she knows when something is wrong. She can feel her parents are stressed, and it is even more apparent since lately they were happier than she has ever seen them before. Mother especially.
“Father, is there anything I can do?” She asks once again, when she manages to see him one morning before training.
Lately, he has been starting to wake up earlier than usual, and train by himself in the courtyard. She knows because her bedroom window has a view on it and she hears him. But he is not doing the usual moves he practices with the disciples during the day, at least, A-Li thinks it’s not the same. She is not an expert, but it feels wrong, different .
“A-Li,” her father says tenderly, as he pats her head. “It’s nice, but there’s nothing much you can do.”
“What are you doing?” She insists still. “I can make you a good meal to help. Lan Juan taught me a new one yesterday. She said it’s good for the brain.”
But Lan Juan also said that her parents made her eat this a lot when she was her age, and she still ended up very...A-Li wouldn’t say stupid , because the Lan woman and their physician talk a lot about complicated stuff, and argue over plants and remedies on equal standing but she is…What was the word that his husband used? Ah yeah, “ absent-minded ”! So maybe the meal isn’t quite efficient if it makes your mind go away...
“Thank you A-Li. But my brain is fine. I’m trying to perfect the Jiang martial art.” Explains Father.
A-Li blinks.
“Isn’t it already perfect?”
Why would they teach the martial art if it isn’t, after all?
“Nothing is perfect, A-Li, there’s always room for improvement, and a true master always seeks it. You see, Jiang sword play is efficient in battle, deadly, but it is lacking in defense. In a siege situation we would be at a disadvantage, I'm trying to correct that.”
“How?”
“Well...by training and trying to find new moves...But also by asking for help. Your mother gave me a few exercises she got from her clan, for example. And Cangse Sanren too, even though she couldn’t show them to me, so I have to work with what she told me.”
He stops and stares at A-Li, and A-Li is afraid he knows he lost her attention. To be fair, she really tried, but sword play is not very interesting. She fakes it by comparing it to cooking; you have recipes, moves, but in a fight, or during the preparation, you have to follow your instincts sometimes. Except that A-Li is afraid she does not have this instinct. The thing is, she gets that her father is stuck, and she really wants to help, but she doesn’t know how, and she isn’t good enough in this field to offer good advice like uncle. She tries anyways because she wants to help.
“Did you ask Lan Juan and Lan Yuan too?”
Her father blinks for a second. She continues:
“Lan Juan said to me that her husband is really good with a sword, unless you ask him to fly on it. And she told me she is really bad at sword fighting, but Lan Yuan told me she is the best at poison and musical cultivation, she can even paralyse people with songs, and...Huh...”
How did he explain that? The healer said she used her clumsy balance and the opponent's force against them, so it sounded cool, but he used a term for that and she forgot what. Anyways, surely, if her father is willing to ask for help from mother and auntie…
“Do you think they would be willing to show me?” Father asks. “Lan clan has secret techniques, they might not be allowed to.”
She smiles, happy to have been useful.
“Yes!”
She is sure of that since, Lan Juan already offered her a list of plants and poisons and wrote her lot of recipes. Father seems a bit unsure but he nods nonetheless, before resuming:
“Well I wanted to invite Rogue cultivators and masters too, anyways, to get their expertises and learn from them. Thank you for your advice, I will seek them first.”
Fengmian smiles, patting her head again- he is doing more often lately, and she likes this change. Mother does this too. She thinks they got that from auntie. He uses a towel to wipe away the sweat on his chin, and takes a deep breath. A-Li can’t help but think he is the most handsome man in the world.
“I think I will stop for today. Whose turn it is to make breakfast today?”
“Me!” She chirps happily.
“Then I will help you.”
He is also the kindest, she decides. Uncle is not far behind, though.
As Father helps her cook, they talk about several things. How her training regimen goes, if she likes uncle as an instructor, and feels some progress with her core...She looks at the rice in her hands.
“Father,” she asks, wondering at the same time she says it, “What happens when you infuse food with spiritual energy?”
Father blinks, and smiles:
“I see you’re starting to think just like your aunt. I have seriously no idea. It probably enhances the nutritional values of your meal, just like spiritual energy helps the body to heal by speeding up the process, paliating the stamina and the effort required for it. You want to test it? You will have to be careful, too much energy can be dangerous for someone. Everything is about balance.”
She nods, and promises herself that she will try this idea with caution. So not now. Not when they have to prepare a meal for every single person she cares for.
Then the conversation deviates, and Father starts to ask if she looks forward to the conference, and if she would be happy to meet her fiancé for the first time. She doesn’t know how to answer that, as her heart beats faster at the mere thought. The boy is her betrothed after all, so she can’t help but wonder how he looks, if he is kind, and if he will like to play dolls with her. She wants to make him a gift. Cook him something he will like so much he will think A-Li is the bride for him. She hopes he is like her father, as gentle and patient, and a little bit shy, because it’s the cutest when father blushes while holding mother’s hand in public!
Father smiles as she tells him that:
“I think the young master Jin will be working on his core too, so you might try to cook him something that will help him develop it?”
That’s a wonderful idea. The physician gave her a lot of tips about those kinds of recipes lately, and since it tastes awful, she has been trying to make it better without losing the effects. The conference is in a long time, she might have time to perfect that!
During breakfast, she sits next to the Lan healers couple; to get a bit more information about the recipe, and talk about how she could make it better. Lan Yuan is not very helpful; his only proposition is to add more sugar to make it sweet because: “children like sweet things.” then uses the rule “no talking while eating” to get away from his wife’s reproaches. The problem is that A-Li doesn't know what her fiancé likes at all, so she can’t contest this, nor confirm it. She hits a wall there.
But...There’s also something else she wants to work on lately, so she decides to focus on that. After her morning training with uncle, instead of going with A-Cheng and A-Xian to play, she walks to the very far limit of the sect buildings, just before the way to the town. There, slowly but surely, there’s a new room that is being constructed. Auntie is there, working on a new incense burner with a frown.
“A-Li!” She is surprised when A-Li sits next to her. “Warn me next time, I almost dropped my work into the pond!”
A-Li looks at “the pond” as she describes it. It can barely be called that, for now it’s just a big hole waiting to be filled. Uncle insisted on it: he said auntie’s future workshop had to be surrounded by water, and he even added they will have to fill a big barrel and put it on the roof. “You’ll thank me later.” He said. A-Li isn't’ sure why they should thank him. Anyways, that’s not why she is there, shyly, she gets out of her robe a bit of violet silk and shows it to auntie. She hesitates and then takes a look, puzzled. A-Li feels stressed and anxious, as her work is thoroughly examined.
“You tried to turn this into a talisman?” Auntie finally asks, quite surprised.
“You said that words have intent, and with spiritual power you turn this intent to…” She waves her hands, trying to illustrate something.
She liked the idea. She wanted to make a protective scarf for her mother. A-Li gets that mother is going to go back traveling soon, since she didn’t find what she was seeking for during her first trip.
“But it’s not working...I don’t get what I did wrong…” She confesses.
To her utter shame, auntie laughs, she laughs so hard she struggles breathing for a long, long time, holding her waist. Did...Did she do something very stupid? Is it impossible? But she heard the Lan guests talk about enchanted robes, so she imagined that it was something that could be done…
“Oh. Oh sorry A-Li, I’m not mocking you!” Auntie says suddenly, sweeping away her cheeks with her thumbs. “I...On the contrary! I’m very proud of you! I will teach you.”
A-Li feels her sadness melt away immediately, hope coming back, warming her heart.
“Really?”
“Really!” Promises auntie with a bright smile that is so much like A-Xian’s. “What you’re trying to do is actually possible. And it’s a very precious skill to have! Tell me, is that what you want to be later, as a cultivator?”
The question is difficult to answer. A-Li is not sure she knows that, to be absolutely honest. Not so long ago she thought she could just not become a cultivator. Then Wei Changze happened, and now training is almost fun, and at the very least interesting. She is learning a lot of things she likes; a bit of medicine, a bit of cooking...But she still does not like swords and martial arts at all. She is still the worst student in those two fields, even A-Xian and A-Cheng are starting to beat her. Father says they do because they don’t know the right forms and just hits hard and incoherently...But A-Li doesn’t see it that way: she is aware one mistake on the battlefield causes death. It doesn’t matter if the opponent respects the rules or not, as long as he touches you once, uncle said as much. And the truth is that A-Li just doesn’t have the instinct to protect herself when her opponent does something unexpected. So she’d end up very dead each time.
And if she didn’t have the scriptures on her skin, during the core formation and spiritual training, she would still be incapable of using any energy.
Maybe that’s why the way they use words fascinates her so much. She wants to be able to do such miracles too. She wants to be able to protect people with her food, and heal them if they are hurt, give them hope, and if she could give them protection, like the enchanted robes the Lan guests talked about...
She tries to explain that to auntie, and it’s a bit easier to tell her. Easier than telling her father, or her mother. Because she is vaguely aware they will be disappointed; and uncle might be too, since he tried so hard to make her go back to training too. It feels wrong to just disregard their efforts. But Auntie is an adult, if she understands A-Li, maybe she could talk to them in her stead and make them understand, less sad.
“It’s a nice goal!” Smiles auntie. “You will have to continue studying very hard litterature, as writing will be the base of your work. You will need to work on your core too, some talismans can work without spiritual energy, as it absorbs the energy elsewhere to activate, but not all can. You will also have to continue studying medicine a bit…”
“Why?”
She gets the first two, and surely she doesn’t mind studying healing arts, but she doesn’t get the link between this and talisman making. Cangse Sanren points out her needle work on the silk.
“Because, you have to understand what you’re asking the words to do, and how they can do it. It’s like...Hm. Like writing recipes! You can tell someone; yeah to make a lotus soup, you need water, lotus, pork-”
“You need more than that.” She frowns.
“Anyways if you just tell them the ingredients and then leave, do you think they will be able to make soup?”
“No.” She admits, feeling a little bit guilty; she indeed should have thought of that.
“Well that’s the same here. I see you asked the silk to protect its owner from harm. But what harm? And how should it do it? The instructions are imprecise, so it doesn’t do anything. And where should it take the energy it needs to work? You didn’t specify that either. Did you infuse spiritual power while sewing this?”
A-Li nods.
“And a bit of blood, because you said it helped!”
She shows her thumbs to prove her words: she made sure the needle tips got through her skin and had a bit of blood. Auntie looks at her hands carefully, and nods.
“I will teach you how to do it without hurting.” She promises. “You see, you don’t have enough spiritual power for this spell to last very long, that’s also why it doesn’t work. I will show you what you should have done, look carefully.”
She pulls a scroll out of her robe, and starts to note things down. First she asks her what her intent was, truly, all that A-Li wants the scarf to do. So A-Li tells her the list: she wants the scarf to keep her mother warm when it’s cold, and protect her throat when it’s windy, she wants it to protect her neck if someone tries to attack there too. She is a bit worried it might be too many things at once, but Cangse Sanren simply waves her hands:
“I like to think that anything is possible, if you don’t manage to do what you want, it’s just you don’t have enough imagination or haven’t found the right phrasing yet. It’s just a matter of testing things more until it works!”
She then shows A-Li what she should have written :
“You see, first you have to explain to the object where it will get the energy it needs to carry out the order. As I explained to you earlier, you do not have enough energy yet to infuse an object and make the order sit still. So the way to avoid that is to tell it; take your spiritual power from, either the wearer of the object, the one attacking it, or the nature around. Nature has very little energy to spare for other, or you might break some balance, so we usually do not use that one, or we are very very careful. Unless you can enhance it with your core's elemental affinity.”
“Then, could we...Gather some energy in the thing, like, storing?” She wonders.
Cangse Sanren shakes her head:
“Storing the spiritual energy in something else than a Golden core is not something we know how to do yet, unfortunately. As I said, maybe we just haven't found the right phrasing yet.”
“But spiritual weapons?”
“Spiritual weapons echo their owner’s spiritual energy, their core, they do not produce it or store it to function. That’s why they seal themselves up sometimes when their owner dies, or simply cease to work. So we have to tiptoe around this limitation. The trick about stealing the opponent’s power is very useful! That’s how talisman ignates at the contact of ghosts: they react to their energy.”
“So...If I tell the scarf that it has to steal the spiritual energy of the one trying to attack mother…”
“Exactly, though it will work only if they are in contact with the scarf though…But you can probably play around this limitation by telling him to use his owner’s spiritual power at first, and once it is in contact with the one threatening them, to steal the energy from that person….As for the way it works...You will have to explain it which meridian of the body it can take the spiritual energy from. You will also have to tell it how to make your mother feel warm…”
“How?”
“Well, with a small character of fire, and carried by the blood throughout all the body. You will have to be very careful and test it, or you’ll turn your mother into a torch, and some organs like warmth while others don’t, so you will have to tell it to avoid those areas…”
That’s why she needs to continue studying medicine. She finally gets it. And now she wonders if she can make some good scarves for servants who always complain about their arching backs. She heard some tell that it was the only way for their muscles to feel better. Surely if she does that…
Oh there is so much potential to help people! She likes it. She likes it so much! She could paint on plates so it could keep food hot. Or even bathtubs! Always hot water! That would be awesome. And surely, she knows there are purifying talisman, could such a thing work on a river, after they’re done with laundry? She hates to swim in a river that is dirty...
“I see you made it pretty. Your characters are very small, you were trying to make a...Spider ?” Remarks auntie.
A-Li nods. A spider on a violet silk! Surely, it fits mother, right?
“I can’t help you with that, my embroidery skills are...lacking. But I will do my best for this gift. You can ask Lan Juan too, she is quite good from what I can see, just don’t do it after a night she’s had to do the ritual, or she might end up hurting you by accident with the needle. But after that...you might ask your mother to teach you, she is very good at needlework. She helped me with my Duandai! I’m sure she will be happy to help you too A-Li. Better than me that’s for sure! I hate embroidery!”
A-Li likes the idea of spending time with her mother, and sharing an interest. But she is a bit afraid she would not approve her idea; after all, this is not very impressive.
“What if she says it’s unfit for a Sect Leader’s daughter?”
“Then I will have to punch her very hard.”
A-Li laughs, then she realizes that auntie is very serious and she panics.
“Don’t hit my mother!”
Mostly because she is pretty sure if auntie does that, mother will hit her back, and she is sure to lose this fight! Mother is very, very strong, even father has trouble dueling her.
“I will have no choice, A-Li.” Assures auntie, not afraid at all. “The path you want to walk is difficult. There are not many people capable of doing so, like spiritual weapon blacksmiths, they are rare. She would be very stupid to judge it as shameful!”
A-li’s eyes widen, and she opens her mouth agape, her heart beating faster.
“Really?” She has trouble believing this. But Auntie nods again, her trademark smile is absent from her face showing how serious she is.
“Some cultivators like me know the basics, but they rarely make it their speciality. Although everyone needs a good enchanted robe, or a protective talisman, even the toughest warrior. If you become an expert, I assure you that it will make the sect stronger. Sure they will not sing your great deeds on the battlefield and give you a war title, but people will still want to use your work and appreciate it!”
A-Li is completely at loss; feeling both relieved, happy, a bit embarrassed to have thought the contrary...But most of all, she feels impatient and proud. She feels...Eager. More eager than she ever felt toward cultivation before; even more eager than when she managed to understand how to manipulate spiritual energy. This...This is a future. A future she can like. A future that can merge with her wish to be the perfect bride and a mother too! A future where she will not have to be on the battlefield that scares her so much! She doesn’t mind not being a hero, or even famous, as long as she can be herself and still make her family proud.
“You will still have to learn how to use a sword, though.”
She hiccups, her excitement falling flat.
“Why?”
“Because such skill brings jealousy. A-Li. If you are talented, people will either want you to work for them...Or you to work for no one. You will have to learn how to defend yourself to make sure you will be able to work for whoever you want. otherwise you’ll lose your freedom and be forced to work under people that are stronger, do things you might not want to under their orders.”
Her joy deflates. Even though she understands the logic, it is really sad. Is the world really like that? She wants to think that such people don't exist. But she is big enough now to get that it might not be true. Still, she wants to believe that her family will always be there to protect her from harm. No one can get past her mother, father, and two brothers, she is sure of that!
“Also because your mother is going to kill me, if I take you as my apprentice.” admits Auntie. “I don’t know why, but she seems to think that, out of the two of us, Wei Changze is the reasonable one.”
A-Li smirks, thinking about how uncle walks everyday with both of her brothers curled around his legs, and how mother threw him in the pond when he pouted. Cangse Sanren smiles back:
“I know? Unbelievable right?”
Notes:
You're finally getting a glimpse of what i want to do with Jiang Yanli's cultivator career. I hope it's alright with you all =D I also decided to give moe rules to the magic system of the canon because i went through The untamed's magic system feeling like this "????" and turned to the novel in the hope to understand things a bit better (and i did, but not much xD)...
And i can't write any magic trick if i don't get it. I'm sorry. I hope i didn't step on chinese lore too much, i tried to do researches about it but i'm afraid the culture gap is very great...So i went back to a magic system i made up for one of my original story and adapted it with talisman making (that way i'm sure what i'm doing with it xD)
I Hope you'll like it ^^
Next chapter will be A-Ying's pov and be published on Monday =D
Chapter 38: A-Ying's days
Notes:
Wow I got so much adorable comment this week-end you're all so sweet ;o; I'm super moved thank you all very much!!! I see that you are all on board with my plan with Jiang Yanli!
It makes me so happy, I hope you'll like her progression all throughout the story!!Previous chapter summary --> Jiang Yanli had always wanted to be a bride in the future, build a family and keep his family in Lotus Pier safe. Being a Cultivator on the battle field was never her goal, but since the Wei Couple arrived she started finding some interest to cultivation in general. What would it do, if she added spiritual energy to a dish? And the way Cangse Sanren used word for her talisman, could she apply it to clothes? After a conversation with her aunt, she came to realize that maybe, she could be a bride and still be a great cultivator that could bring pride to her family and sect. Not one that would fight on the battlefield (though aunt insisted she had to learn still) but one that could protect them in the background and support them with her talismans, enchanted robes and healthy healing dishes. She couldn't wait to embrace this career now that she chose it. And maybe, she hoped, it would make her future fiancé being a bit interested in her too...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A-Ying is getting better. He can feel it in his bones, like the old servant lady says when she talks about the rain. He doesn’t get any nightmares during the night, and so far, since mommy installed a ward, he hadn’t seen the monster during the day in Lotus Pier either!
A-Li even made him an inner robe with the old scriptures he used to have on his skin, and it’s so pretty, so now he can even go outside the barrier without fearing anything! It’s really the best. He hopes he never has to see Mr.Shadow Man again!
But somehow, every time he says that, his mommy looks a bit sad. A-Ying is not sure he understands why, and when he asked his daddy if he knew why, daddy simply said:
“Because that doesn’t mean the monster is gone, just that you don’t get to see him. Your mother is kind, she wants to help everyone she sees. So she wants to know what she has to do to make the monster go away in peace and happy.”
A-Ying isn’t sure what to think, part of him is indigned that the monster could go unpunished after making him so scared and tormenting day and night, but at the same time he understands that it’s better. And Mr.Shadow man never attacked him during the day, he just stood there, looking creepy...And now that he thinks about it, maybe a bit sad and lonely.
“It’s a cultivators job to bring peace to ghosts.” explained uncle many times during morning lessons.
Maybe he should have tried to talk to the monster then, A-Ying thinks. But the mere thought of the monster scares him still, even if the fear dulls as time passes. Fortunately, he doesn't have much time to dwell on this matter, as his everyday life is filled with fun and joy. A-Li is definitely the best big sister he could hope for, playing with him and hugging him when he gets hurt, and A-Cheng- when he is not playing with his evil dogs -is always eager to do something new! Even when they get scolded after it, he never gets angry at A-Ying for that. Well he scowls and frowns and pouts, but that hardly counts, A-Cheng always does that, even when he is happy.
A-Ying regrets a bit not being able to travel with his daddy anymore when he goes away, or with angry auntie, but he has so much fun here at Lotus Pier, that it’s easy to forget what life on the road was like.
Everyday he wakes with his kitty in his bed, he gets to play on the swing-like-trail on the way to the dining hall, as daddy pushes him while mommy tries to walk- so far he’s won every race. Then he eats great food while adults talk together...Before daddy goes to train A-Li in core building. Sometimes A-Ying and A-Cheng follows, as Daddy says it’s important he starts now, to make sure he doesn’t have to see the monster with his own power soon, so he trains hard for that. Sometimes uncle allows them to stay with them while he teaches other swords moves. He makes some friends that are older than him, while they fight with wooden training swords. With A-Cheng they always get away before the boring meditation part, though, and go to play with mommy. Sometimes she has fun with them, throwing them in the air or in the nearest pond, and sometimes she is busy working, so they just do what they want, as long as she can see them all the time she doesn’t mind. This is usually when A-Ying tries to write letters to Lan Zhan and Lan Huan- but mother says paper is expensive and sending letters is even more, so he doesn’t know when his friends are going to get it. When Angry Auntie is there, she is giving them lessons before dinner; but when she isn’t, it’s a teacher from the town.
Lately there's been a lot of people coming from town and staying there to train with uncle.
“We will soon have to go,” whisper Lan Yuan, one day, as Daddy is trying to find a room still available for the new guests.
“Or we will have to construct an inn there too, and my not-husband will take over this one too,” jokes mommy next to him.
A-Ying hopes not, he doesn’t get much, but he understood that the inn she talks about is the reason why daddy has to go every now and then, alone, and why they don’t have a lot of money to buy him books, or lanterns or even send letters to Lan Zhan!
Plus, he doesn’t want the Lan guests to go. He likes them. They are part of his sect now! Even though they are a bit weird, they are also very kind. Lan Yuan taught him how to play decent dizi so now he can make music while A-Li sings. And Lan Juan...Well Lan Juan is special. Lan Juan has to stay, she can’t go anyways. She is too clumsy to go. Yesterday she missed a step and fell into the pond, and apologized for over an hour to the lotuses. Then to the wooden column as she tried to climb up back on the pier.
“You don’t have to say sorry to them, you know!” A-Cheng had commented. “They’re not alive! They can’t hear you!”
Lan Juan had looked at them a bit lost for a moment, then said:
“You don’t know that, maybe they have feelings too, like plants!...Or maybe…” She took a pause, looking at the floor sadly, “There’s a ghost possessing them, you never know!” And I’m now possessed and I will eat you all!” She ran after them while they screamed, until she tripped over her own feet ( again ) and fell backwards ( again ).
A-Ying is pretty sure he heard people say that Daddy is jealous because she steals his moves, and mommy jokes and plays along with her more and more. A-Ying thinks people are right, because he saw daddy pouting for the first time ever when they told ghost stories last time, especially when they didn’t let him play the monster’s role like usual. She is not like a Lan at all! She is funny and loud and a little bit crazy too. Everybody says so, so why not become a Jiang like Daddy? She would fit in well here!
“We are from the Lan Sect, we both have a job there” Lan Yuan still insists. “We were never meant to stay for good, just one month. You don’t need us to play for you every night now, you don’t have nightmares anymore, do you?”
For a moment, A-Ying wonders if he should lie and say he still does. Yet it’s been two days since they didn’t play him his lullaby and he had been fine. Surely, one month can’t be over already? It went too fast! But his mother is watching and he can’t lie to her face, so he only makes an exaggerated expression.
“I’m going to miss you!”
And A-Li too, is going to miss them, especially since she loved learning medicine from them. A-Cheng might not. He doesn’t like the Lan girl. A-Ying is not sure why, is it because Lan Juan’s ghost stories scare him? Or maybe because he didn’t get that Lan Juan and Lan Yuan are married, but that Lan Huan isn’t their children even though he has a similar name and so, they aren’t Lan Zhan’s parents. A-Ying has to admit it- he will never tell A-Cheng -it is indeed very confusing. He looks at Lan Yuan once again, maybe a bit too long, because the man says:
“If that makes you feel better, I will carry your letter to our second master Lan as we go.”
“When are you going? Tomorrow?”
Lan Juan giggles in the background, and comments: “I see you won’t miss us then!” while her husband smiles.
“Happy to see you like us so much, Wei Wuxian.” and mommy laughs loudly. A-Ying feels his cheeks heat up and he pouts for real this time. It’s not his fault if he misses Lan Zhan! He is his best friend after all, it’s normal!
After that, as he is busy drawing the last details of his letters with Daddy’s help, Lan Yuan sits back again near them.
“You know, I’m going to miss you too,” he says to A-Ying with a tiny smile. “But we have to go back to Cloud Recesses. We can’t stay here, ponds are too dangerous for my wife...”
A-Ying nods, still his heart a bit heavy at the thought. He understands: it’s true that she is falling a lot in the ponds. Now that he thinks about it, there’s not been a single day without her falling into one. She is very, very clumsy. Yet the Lan healer insists.
“Being different at Cloud Recesses...is something I wish for no one.” He says, as he looks at his wife, who is busy showing herbs to A-Li with the Sect’s doctor. “And you know that our young masters are…”
A-Ying gets what he means.
“Lan Huan can become a Jiang if it’s too hard, he married my cat!”
Both adults stare at him, confused. A-Ying realizes that it is a secret and he shouldn’t have said that, so he changes the subjects.
“Lan Zhan can marry A-Li! That way he becomes my brother too!”
“I’m your brother! Not him!” Barks A-Cheng loudly. “And A-Li has a fiancé too!”
A-Ying has no idea where his brother comes from and since how long he’s been listening, but since he ruined his plan he sticks his tongue at him. A-Cheng lets out an offended gasp. This is the moment where Lan Juan decides to add:
“You will have to marry our second master yourself Wei Wuxian!”
“They’re four!” Repeats her husband exasperated. “Go back to work and stop enhancing your senses to spy others! Mind your own business!”
“I’m not doing that, I just have good hearing!? It is not against the rules!!”
“With you around, it should be!”
“Ah no! Don’t add more rules, there’s already 3000 already, enough is enough!” Complains Mommy, who arrives floating on her sword.
“What are you doing here, weren’t you at your workshop?” Inquires uncle, as he steps in the courtyard followed by the disciples.
“Yeah about that...I kinda set it on fire.”
“You what?!”
“I tried metalwork and it’s harder than I expected! Don’t worry, the barrel on the roof cracked and everything is under control, but it’s kinda a mess now, so I’m waiting for my notes to dry off…”
“Why did you try metalwork if you don’t know how to begin with?”Comments Lan Yuan.
“Because it’s fun to learn new things?”
“So that’s what the barrel was for…”Comments Jiang Fengmian, baffled.
“I told you, you would thank me later…” Daddy says with a smug face.
A-Ying is not sure how they end up all laughing, there in the courtyard, but they do. He is going to miss those moments, when the two Lans go back. As if Daddy read his mind- he has one more piece of evidence that his daddy can read minds -he whispers to A-Ying:
“You see, that’s why they have to go back to Cloud Recesses. Don’t you think your friends need them more by their side than you?”
He thinks of the ever silent Cloud Recesses and how no one smiles and laughs there, and gets that his daddy is right. If they do not manage to make Lan Zhan happy there, he guesses he has no choice but to marry him like they said. Can boys even marry boys? He doesn’t know. Probably, since Lan Juan says so. But on the other hand, Lan Juan says a lot of weird things and talks to objects, so maybe she is not that reliable. So he asks his daddy, who seems a bit unsure:
“I don’t think that’s possible. Dual cultivating, maybe?”
Oh. What’s dual cultivating? Doing Sect stuff together? But they’re not part of the same sect...Well, since he can’t have him as a brother (because Jiang Cheng is very jealous and it’s funny to make him jealous), nor as a husband they will have to stay best friends. But how can he invite him over if he is sad at Cloud Recesses? He will have to find another way to make sure Lan Zhan smile and talk all the time, then. He will have to send more letters.
It’s only when the two Lans leave (on foot ) two days later, he wonders how Lan Zhan will write him back.
“Your mother is working on a way to make communication easier, when she is done, and once you both build a core, you might try to communicate that way?” Proposes Wei Changze when he explains his problem.
But A-Ying saw mommy give letters to the Lan healers too, why would she do that if she could use the other way? She is probably still working on it. They are currently testing it since angry aunt is away. They have to talk via hand signs, and while it’s fun at first it gets boring really quickly. Though Auntie surprised them last time, while mommy was trying to adjust the spell or whatever, A-Li and A-Cheng and him got close to the pond and made faces at her...And she stuck out her tongue at them!
A-Cheng was so surprised he ran to his father and told him that their mother was possessed like in Lan Juan’s stories and he had to do something quick! But uncle only smiled back and told them she was fine.
Angry Auntie did change, though, A-Ying can’t deny that. She wears the scarf that A-Li made her, for example, and refuses to let her maids take it off for her. It makes A-Li so, so happy. He can’t keep calling her angry auntie, if she becomes so kind like this.
“What should I call you?” He asks her one day, as she comes back home- looking sad once again. He wonders, and repeats what the other disciples always call her: “Madam Yu?”
Auntie sends him a glare that is definitely furious, and he feels a shiver running down his spine. He is pretty sure he hears a crack, and immediately A-Cheng starts to yell. Like really loud. Angry auntie looks at him, puzzled:
“What is it? Why are you yelling for?!”
A-Cheng is vaguely turning purple:
“Huuuu...”
“Huu..ngry!” Finishes A-Li quickly. “We’re really hungry mother!”
“You just ate..And don’t yell like that if you are, what are you? A Baby?! No food for you! You eat during meal time not in-between! Or you’d best start practicing Inedia. You will have to eventually for your core anyways...”
She still takes both of their hands, and makes a move to leave, before she turns her head to A-Ying and says:
“Auntie is good enough. I am your mother’s sworn sister after all. Don’t be impolite and call me Madam as if you’re not family.”
In the same afternoon, she receives a letter with a red sun seal, and then goes to ask mommy to follow her in the forest to train together. A-Ying decides she still very much deserves the title of angry aunt after he sees her break a lot of porcelain with her sword and whip.
“Weird duel…” Comments A-Cheng, as he watches it with him.
A-Ying nods in agreement. He prefers watching her fight uncle, he decides. Or best, he prefers watching uncle duel his daddy. Daddy loses most of the time because of his arms, but he still looks super cool, in A-Ying’s honest opinion. Sometimes A-Cheng and him try to reproduce their fathers’ moves on their own with their wooden swords. It’s very funny, he understands why the grown-up do it so often. Plus each time they finish their duel A-Li treats their scratches and nurses them back to health with kisses and hugs.
She never participates in their fights...until one fateful day in the middle of summer.
Strangers had been coming in and out of the sect since it started being hot and stuffy. They used to never stay long, talking to uncle and daddy and angry auntie for a while, then fight a bit and help training for a couple of days before going back home.
To be frank the man who arrives that day is very scary. He is full of scars and talks loudly, A-Li is immediately withdrawing in the background, yet the moment the strange giant gets out his sword, A-Ying swore her eyes start to shine. One moment she is behind A-Cheng’s back, and the very next second she is near the scary giant, asking eagerly how it works with her gentle voice.
“You like my hook swords?” The giant laughs. “Are you sure, young lady, that your father will be okay with you handling such dangerous tools?”
A-Cheng and A-Ying are immediately offended on her behalf; what does he mean? That A-Li can’t use a sword? Well jokes on him, she can! She might not be the best but she practises everyday and does her stances perfectly! When they explain to him just that, it just makes the scary man laugh louder.
Unluckily for him, it brings angry auntie’s attention back on him. They smirk in the background. He is so screwed!
“Are you implying that my daughter is not good enough to wield such weapons?” Inquires angry auntie, with a glare that makes both boys shake with anticipation.
Yeah you tell him Auntie! Kick his butt!
“Not my intention, Madam, of course, I'm just surprised such a tiny thing is interested in my style, that’s all! I know your sect values spiritual swords too, and with my combat style it’s nearly impossible to have that! Giving two swords a spirit requires a lot of spiritual energy and-”
“So now you say that my daughter will never have a core strong enough to wield two spiritual weapons?”
The man deflates immediately. He goes one shade whiter when Jiang Fengmian arrives and kneels near A-Li.
“Do you like these kinds of swords?”
A-Li firmly nods.
“It looks like giant needles!” She explains.
A-Ying bends his head sideways, trying to see the similarity. He can’t. So he looks at A-Cheng and tries very hard to communicate with his mind like his parents do sometimes. Does he see it? Does it really look like a needle? A-Cheng scowls at him back, just as confused as him. Yep. So he doesn’t see either. A-Li is all kinds of great, but A-Ying is starting to worry for his big sister’s eyes.
The comparison sends the giant into another very loud laugh. A-Cheng kicks him in the knee for daring to mock his sister, and A-Ying is about to do the same (surely if they do it together they can win) when Yu Ziyuan takes them both by the collar of their robes.
“Don’t be impolite!” She barks.
“He is the one being impolite to A-Li!” They complain.
“I’m sorry young master. I misspoke.” The man smiles, turning to uncle. “I would be happy to teach some stances to your daughter, Sect leader, she looks like fun.”
Just like that, the man is invited to stay far longer than any other. He is not so bad, in the end. He takes a liking to A-Li and starts carrying her on his shoulders all the time, while Wei Changze still drags A-Cheng and A-Ying on his legs. They race like this, every morning despite the hot weather. And most of all his presence changes A-Li. She starts dueling with them from time to time, as the giant carved her wooden swords for her too, so she could train.
“You cheat you have two swords!” Complains A-Cheng, the first time.
“It’s okay A-Cheng! I’m older, you can’t hurt me!” Assures A-Li with a smile.
But the boy is still reluctant, so reluctant that auntie, who is watching the whole duel, intervenes.
“If it’s the unfairness that bothers you, I will teach you how to use a whip too. This way you will have two weapons like your sister.”
A-Cheng is trapped, and is forced to admit:
“I don’t want to hurt A-Li…”
Which A-Ying can relate to very much. His brother, however, doesn’t have such reservations when it comes to fighting him. A-Ying learns that quite fast when he gets hit the first time by the ribbon A-Cheng uses as a training-whip. A-Ying hits him on the head with his dizi in retaliation.
“Aouch! Why did you do this?!”
“I have a second weapon too!”
“A dizi is not a weapon!”
“Really? It hit you well enough!”
“Wei Wuxian!”
The use of his full name awakens an old reflex, an instinct within A-Ying, and he immediately flees, faking a scream, while his little brother runs after him, their weapons and duel forgotten.
The giant leaves the sect before the end of summer, and he cries way more than A-Li. She promises him she’ll train, and uncle thanks him for his help. As he watches him go, A-Ying thinks of Lan Zhan and Lan Huan. He misses them, and wonders what they’re up to, and if they play together in the library pavillon still. Do they miss him too? Lan Zhan is probably getting even better at handstands, so much better that if this continues, A-Ying will never be able to keep up! It makes him sad. Should he start training like the disciples, like daddy, putting weight on his legs so he can, at the very least, jump higher than Lan Zhan next time they see each other again!
“I’m sure he got your letters, sweetheart,” whispers Mommy to his ear, when he tells her.
“Then why he isn’t answering?”
“Well...maybe he doesn’t have enough money to send you letters back yet? I’m sure Lan Qiren is the kind of uncle to tell his nephew they have to buy the paper, the ink and the carrier price by themselves to teach them. Or maybe he is just busy. Or maybe his uncle tells him he can only write in letter and not draw, so he has to learn first before being able to answer you.”
“That does sound like him,” agrees Daddy in the background.
A-Ying blinks, but since it might not be Lan Zhan’s fault, then he is willing to wait.
“You know,” says his mommy still. “Even if he doesn’t answer you...it’s important to remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don’t hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free.”
A-Ying blinks, again.
“What your mother is trying to tell you,” explains Daddy. “Is that you must not expect people to do things for you because you do things for them. We all have our own way to express our affection. I think. Maybe.”
“Yes exactly! Lan Zhan might not write you a letter, but he does a lot of things for you to show you he cares...like...like... huh …”
“He talks to me!”
“Yes exactly!”
A-Ying giggles, because that’s something he knows Lan Zhan does only to the person he loves a lot, so it’s the proof he is very special. The problem is that Lan Zhan can’t do that when they are so far away from one another.
“You’ll see him at the conference, anyways.” Daddy tells him, after kissing him goodnight.
Conferences seem to be a pretty big thing, adults are talking about it all day long, lately. Even servants and town people do! A-Ying was not sure he liked it, as it kept his family very busy, but since it will bring Lan Zhan close again, he changes his mind. He can’t wait for him to meet A-Cheng and A-Li! That way A-Cheng will be forced to understand why they have to be best friends.
The conference, unfortunately, is not happening immediately, he realizes. So he keeps himself busy like his daddy to not think about what hurts, and tries his best to have a lot of fun every single day.
Notes:
Me : I don't want Yanli to be a badass on the battlefield and super strong at sword and cultivation like canon, but I want her to do great still...Lets make her speciality into including/adapting cultivation art to cooking and sewing. UU
Also Me : ...everyone has two weapons I'M GIVING YANLI TO HAVE TWO SWORDs èé
Reason : But you said you didn't want her to be super great at sword fighting...?
Me : She isn't going to be awesome at sword fighting so the very least I can do is giving her COOL swords!
Reason : ...I give up.Next chapter is Wei Changze's pov =) And it will be up on Wednesday...
And then there the chapter of revelations on Friday!...And I really need to restart writing because I changed a plot point that erased almost my 10 chapters advance xD (I have to rewrite so much ToT I don't like rewriting...)
Chapter 39: Overwork
Notes:
Hello everyone !
Thank you so much for all your comments lately, I'm super happy each time I read a review =DPrevious chapter summary --> The conference was drawing near, A-Ying officially got cured from MR Shadow's overwhelming presence, (or at least he couldn't see him anymore), they said goodbye to the Lan healers, who went back to Cloud Recesses on foot, their hand full of letters, drawings and the cursed incense burner. After a summer full of events, where Jiang Yanli fell in love with hook sword and learned how to wield it from a giant rogue cultivator, the autumn and winter arrived on Lotus Pier...While the children had their fun in the present, the adults however, kept their eyes focused on the avenir they foresaw in the incense burner. Yu Ziyuan still didn't find Zhao Zhuliu, even after months of researches. Jiang Fengmian's effort to improve the Jiang martial art and sect defenses were slow...And Cangse Sanren lost herself in her inventions, staring at the void and searching for the shadow of the monster...As for Wie Changze's researches for the Iron Yin...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Changze sighs. These last few months had been quite a wild ride. He should be used to such things, having eloped with Cangse Sanren, and being someone that likes keeping his mind busy. But he still finds himself brought to his knees by the enormous amounts of work. He never worked this much in his entire life. Not even as a servant, while hiding the fact he was learning cultivation and proving to the old master he was loyal and not a danger to the heir.
“You’re lucky I like you…” he comments to Jiang Fengmian, each time he adds another duty to the pile.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry…” His best friend whispers.
But to be fair, his Sect Leader is as tired as Wei Changze is. Preparing the conference is already a lot of work; they have to make sure there is enough places for each Sect leader and their disciples and servants to stay, preparing activities and contests, visiting the minor sects that pledged loyalty or occupy the Jiang’s territory in order to make teams for the said contests, visiting old disciples and reuniting them, find a place to host them too...But also, with Jiang Fengmian’s invitation extended to young masters, they have to find a way to keep young children under supervision too. That, plus their own usual duties for the sect; making sure the inn is being rebuilt in addition for Wei Changze, and how to improve the Jiang martial art style for Jiang Fengmian. Honestly, it’s Wei Changze’s own fault he’s in this mess in the first place, he shouldn’t have gotten caught incinerating the inn or let the disciples guess. So he really can’t complain.
“There are new rumors floating around,” Warns Wei Changze, after a brief trip into the town to get supplies and order the weapons they need for the conference.
“...about what?” Laments Jiang Fengmian.
“Well the usual about you and me, or you and my wife, and basically you with anyone but your wife.”
Even if those rumors are less important than they once were, they’re always louder when Yu Ziyuan is on a trip. It upsets both Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze each time, while it only makes Cangse Sanren laugh. Wei Changze knows though, how much Jiang Fengmian dreads it; as it hurts his lady to hear those things, but also because the conference is a social gathering where each Sect Leader gives their piece of mind about the other’s policy. If they heard the gossip too (which is already the case if Madam Jin’s letters to her sworn sister are any proof) there’s no doubt that Jiang Fengmian isn’t going to have a hell of a time. He always hated being the center of the attention, and now because of the Wei couple he is forced to.
What a bad friend he is, giving him so much trouble. The worst is…
“It’s not the only rumors that are problematic. People are starting to notice your efforts about strengthening the sect, being more firm with the training and especially the martial arts, inviting people, recruiting new disciples... They are thinking you want to start a war.”
Jiang Fengmian winces. Wei Changze feels the same; if people knew Jiang Fengmian, like really knew him- they would never consider this. There is nothing his best friend hates more than conflict and blood baths. His sword is named Héping; Peace, for gods’ sake. He can only hope that the Sect Leaders who are coming to the conference are aware of that, or that might put themselves in trouble. They are not strong enough yet to get away with a conquerant-reputation like Wen Ruohan.
“Maybe we’re dealing with rumors the wrong way.” Finally admits Wei Changze, his heart heavy in his chest. “Maybe we can’t make them shut up and it’s useless to fight against it.”
Or maybe he should just kiss Cangse Sanren more often and with more people looking at them. He very much wants that but they don’t have the time to do much but cross paths during the day lately...
Jiang Fengmian sighs, “I don’t know which rumors I prefer; me and my harem, or me as a war lord… I wish I could just...replace the words in their mouths with truth.”
Wei Changze blinks,maybe it’s just exhaustion speaking but he still says: “Actually that’s an idea.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, we can’t erase the rumors. But what if we spread other rumors? One’s we chose the content of?”
Jiang Fengmian stops, and for a moment he looks less defeated.
“You think you can do that?”
“I can try, at the very least.” Says Wei changze, already thinking about who he will need to talk to among the servants, how long it will take, and if he can squeeze this on top of all his other duties right now.
He will have to, anyways; he can’t let Jiang Fengmian’s reputation deteriorate any further. He can’t let people think his wife is unfaithful. That he loves his best friend. That Yu Ziyuan is letting her husband sleep around left and right. They were heading in a good direction with the trials for the people, but the sects aren’t happy with it. With the upcoming conference, it is more important to focus on pleasing the sects.
“Just tell me what you want them to believe, and I will take care of it.” He promises to his Sect Leader.
Wei Changze isn’t talkative by nature; but he tries. He tries to discuss with servants while working, dropping hints here and there so they can make assumptions on their own, and let them spread it. He tries to speak louder to Cangse Sanren or the disciples when he talks about Sect matters, so that everyone can hear the reasons behind their actions. Cangse Sanren plays stupid so he has to explain everything. Yes we are learning defensive moves, only; why? Because conferences always attract bandits and it’s important the sect protects its innocent people from attack. He regrets not starting this strategy before the Lan healers’ couple left Lotus Pier; months ago, they would have carried his words to their clan. But what’s done is done. And Wei Changze is exhausted enough.
It’s not hard to say when Yu Ziyuan is back to help, Wei Changze seriously considers blessing her. Instead he just explains:
“I’ve received information from our disciple’s family. Some weird monsters are around the Mo village, again.”
She is normally the one going on night-hunts, the sect still has to work and bring money after all. But she has been using it as an excuse to look for the Zhao kid. Except that the Inn and the whole region around it is Wei Changze’s responsibility; his punishment. He has to take care of it. She understands:
“Organize a Night-Hunt there with our disciples then, I will take over your duty in addition to mine.”
He bows and thanks her, before doing as he was told. Unfortunately, the night-hunt turns out to be nothing extraordinary, and is quickly dealt with. He has the opportunity to correct some disciples’ bad habits, (Do not make your sword levitate around you grip it properly! Do not start to kick off monsters’ instead of using your sword! Yes I do it, but I do it because I have no choice!) but nothing much. No artifact or word of the Yin Iron at all. Just a group of bandits using the chaos from the monsters attacks to steal what they can. As he said to encourage the rumors, it was something that always happens before cultivation conferences; wealth attracts robbers. The best lies are made of half truths. He manages to kill the apparent chief, even if it’s not a sect duty to deal with humans, and the rest of the bandits scatter. Wei Changze still lingers in the area a little bit longer than he should, using the Inn reconstruction, and the search of the last remnants of thieves, as an excuse to listen to rumors. He is pleased to see that at the very least his work bears fruit, even in so little time. There are still the previous problematic here-sayers, but he thinks that, given enough time, their words can outweigh the bad ones.
Among all those little talks though, he still grabs some new useful information.
A branch of the Wen family installed themselves on the back of Dafan mountains, apparently. The place is not so far away, actually, the forest they almost died in leads to the mountain path. It’s worth investigating, he decides. As the disciples sleep in the under-construction Inn, he sneaks out to oversee this under the cover of the night. He detects no apparent threat in them. They are apparently treating civilians because of an epidemic spread and are not there under the express order of Wen Ruohan.
Wei Changze takes the time to hide his clarity bell before he gets in.
“I’m looking for a friend’s son,” he says to the doctor in Wen robes. A woman. “He died during a night-hunt and his son and widow were kicked out from their clan. Did you happen to see them around?”
He uses Yu Ziyuan’s story, because- well he needs an excuse and he might well use the opportunity to help his madam’s search. After all, she was pretty depressed when she got Wen Ruohan’s answer to her official letter. The Wen leader had not heard of such a child, apparently, and there is no kid like she described in his palace, he swears.
Wei Changze does not believe this; he is sure Yu Ziyuan saw Zhao Zhuliu there that day; she told them one morning before leaving for yet another attempt to track down the child, and she doubts his certitude. Wen Ruohan got him under his wings, because why wouldn’t he? Someone with the potential to melt their opponent’s core? If he were a Sect Leader with big ambitions, he would adopt this little one, nurture this apparent incident until it became a talent, making sure the kid grows dependant of him for everything, clothes, housing, even cultivation- teaching him nothing but destruction so he would never be welcomed elsewhere -and use him in his army, while never talking about his existence to anyone before the storm hits. When he told his theory to Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren they both looked at him like he was some kind of evil lord. Yu Ziyuan only looked profoundly furious. Fortunately, his wife is heaven sent, and laughed the tension off, and his best friend understood that this theory, no matter how harsh it is, needed to be shared. He even took it and started to make a plan upon this theory; “if he truly does that, that means that, in order to train his weapon, he has to sacrifice people’s golden cores, right? So if we look for people who lost their core in an “incident”, maybe it will lead us to the boy.”
As expected, the Wen shakes her head, but politely she says:
“Receive my condolences for your friend then. You can come and check our infirmary, see if you spot him or his mother among our patients. Some are unconscious and couldn’t provide us with an identity.”
Wie Changze accepts, and of course, comes back with no orphan- he doesn’t even know what Zhuliu truly looks like. But this little visit assures him that at the very least this branch of Wen is honestly trying to help and really healing people. Just in case he invents a lie on the spot :
“Before I lost contact with my friend’s wife, she wrote about a sort of curse or a disease, she is not sure but she suspected that would melt people’s core her son would touch.”
It is not his smartest lie, but he hopes it is enough. The Wen frowns at that, and she seems to take an awfully long time, choosing her words carefully before answering. Wei Changze can’t m tell if it’s because she has something to hide, or if it’s because she can’t believe such a disease exists. Just in case, Wei Changze remains on guard and looks for the nearest exit; where it would be easy to sneak out if the Wen ever decides to corner him.
“It’s not the current affliction we’re treating right now. The people here have their mind and body separated, their cognition broken. But I will be vigilant and keep my eyes open to look for such...symptoms.” She shakes her head: “But your friend’s widow must be mistaken, I've never heard of such a thing possible with one's core. Though this is not my field of study, but my husband’s. I will ask him if he’s ever heard of it, when he wakes up. Can you afford to wait until tomorrow?”
“I’m afraid I cannot.”
She offers him a frown.
“Are you sure she didn’t say he melted his own core in a Qi deviation? It’s far more likely to happen...”
Wei Changze fakes a hum and takes this opportunity to dissipate any suspicion.
“That’s possible, I was overwhelmed with worry and grief when I read her letter.”
His tone certainly is not, and the Wen’s doubts are evident on her face. Wei Changze considers his next move, carefully. Wen are dangerous; even more so if what they saw is a glimpse of the future. But...All these people they are currently trying to save are civilians, in desperate need of help. How many are they? He can count twenty under this tent, and he saw at least two other camps before entering. They shouldn’t be paying the price of his mistrust, or clans’ petty fight- especially ones that don't even exist yet. The duty of a sect should be to protect the weak.
“My extended family owns an inn, on the other side of the mountain,” he explains to her. “If you ever need help, extra bedding, or hear about my friend’s son, don’t hesitate to come here.”
“Oh. The Inn that is being rebuilt by the Jiang Sect, or another?”
Wei Changze sighs, as expected rumors outsped him. Fine, he will deal with this, and goes with the flow:
“Yeah, that one. One of my nephews is a disciple of the sect and our family had been put in charge of the reconstruction and the new inn. I’m not sure if we can call them for help though. I’m here on my own free will.”
The Wen doctor bows: “I understand, and it is better this way, our Sect leader would not like us to meddle with another Sect. We thank you for your help. It is truly appreciated. May I ask you one favor, though?”
Wei Changze nods, hiding his worry.
“Ask away? If it’s within my power, I will try to grant it.”
“I took care of a member of the Jiang Sect, many months ago. Someone who was injured during a night-hunt and lost the ability to walk. If you ever hear about how she is doing from your nephew, I would be grateful to know. I have been worried.”
Oh. So she is the woman Cangse Sanren told him about! He couldn’t see her face properly in the third dream, as her “corpse” turned to ashes so fast. Immediately his suspicion melts away- not completely, he is not naive -but he still does not expect to be murdered, or thrown into a cell on the spot if he makes a mistake anymore. His wife is usually a good judge of character, at least to his experience. She deemed this little family cute, back then. And probably forgot to send them a letter like she promised- they keep every bit of money for A-Ying anyways. Immediately, Wei Changze wonders if they brought their children with them. He sees no kids around. He hopes they didn’t, but there’s elders tending the patients around too, so he doesn’t have much hope. It seems to be a family branch, where every single member of the community is dragged into the same activity.
“I heard about her already,” He says with a smile. “She made it back safely to her family, from what I heard and my nephew often sees her train in the river. Last time he spoke of her, she managed to make one step while being lifted by ribbons.”
The Wen nods, obviously relieved.
“Thank you, I’m delighted to know she is healing. I promise I will relay any information I can get for your friend’s son. Before our family married into the Wen, generations ago, we lived on this mountain. Our ancestral burial ground is near and we have extended family who takes care of the whole region. If you ever need to contact us, please go there. We travel a lot but we always come back when there’s...” She looks at the current state of the place, full of sick people. “There’s need.”
The Wen doctor returns to her duty despite the late hour. Wei Changze makes it back to the Inn before sunrise or any of the disciples notice his absence. Just on time to take a nap before going back. It’s best, anyways; since the incense burner nightmares, he doesn’t sleep well. Not because of visions of his death- those stopped, but he wakes up tired every morning with the awful sensation he has forgotten to do something important. Which, unfortunately is often the case since he has too many tasks for it to be done in a single day.
“Of course, thank you again for taking care of our son,” promises the mother he entrusted the inn with, bowing. He told her about him taking the role of the disciple’s uncle, so she should not be taken by surprise if she receives news from the Wen, and play along, hopefully. She is a brave woman. “Oh. You wanted me to tell you if I heard another one of the stories about the rogue cultivator and her spiritual beast...right?”
Wei Changze nods, his heart heavy, as he listens to her. So far, it’s the fourth version; there’s always some changes, sometimes it depicts the rogue cultivator as a savior while their spiritual beast went mad and started to kidnap children to eat them. The rogue cultivator ends their pet’s life while sustaining a mortal wound...And sometimes it’s the opposite. The rogue cultivator is a spirit who attacks the village for no reason, accusing them of having killed her pet, when the beast is very much alive, and has to kill its own master. This one is not very different from the three others; and the most important part doesn’t change. There’s a rogue cultivator, a woman, a spiritual beast, they both die in dramatic circumstances, one dragging the mortally wounded other into the forest to never reappear again. It is a regional tale parents tell their children to make sure they don’t wander at night or in the forest by themselves. They never connected it to their wolf problem. That’s why the Wei couple missed that information the first time.
Wei Changze wants to deny the truth, but he can’t. Coincidences pile up. The more he investigates, the more it looks like what they saw in the dream has some foundations in the reality they live in. Yu Ziyuan is also the bearer of bad news each time she comes back: incapable to find the Zhao kid anywhere, despite her efforts.
But, if what they experienced during those nightmare truly is a warning to them...Then what does this mean for his son? For the illusion Cangse Sanren saw in the third dream? This Yiling patriarch, their baby, engulfed by resentment or maybe the Iron Yin?
His wife seems convinced the monster is somehow A-Ying, even if she isn’t sure she understands why, and since then, is stuck in a strange, unfamiliar melancholic state. He is usually the one caught in such a loop and he doesn’t know how to help her with that. Especially when he can’t be allowed to believe such a thing. He can’t. Or it would mean he failed to protect his son, not once, but twice. He can’t. Is he abandoning his son too? How could he call himself a father, if he did?
The words of the nightmares haunt him again, so he pushes it to the back of his head and ignores it.
He did his research, there is no such thing as the Yiling patriarch in the region, only the burial mounds that are sucking the village dry. And despite his effort, there’s no trace of the Iron Yin anywhere.
One of the Wen books his wife brought him talked about the artifact, for maybe ten lines, in a story about the old clan who forged it and accepted the responsibility of its downfall, the Xue Clan. But the said clan got decimated years ago, when Changze was barely a teen. He knows because Fengmian’s father asked him to go buy a lot of wine to celebrate their destruction, that day, and it took him several trips to satisfy him. But to his shame he doesn’t remember much of what they talked about during the banquet. Back then the previous Sect Leader had decided that Wei Changze could prove his loyalty by being a poison taster for the heir and asked him to test the cup of wine. It was just a prank; they all knew that no one would dare poison Jiang Fengmian, and there was never a need for it before. It was a stupid show that the previous Sect Leader put in place because he wanted to prove something tovhis son- whatever it was. He probably wasn’t even aware of Wei Changze's stance about alcohol. So Wei Changze obeyed, checked all the food, kept the beverage for the last, and he retained the liquid in his mouth without gulping it for four hours. All his focus dedicated to keeping his emotionless face on so the master could not notice and force him to swallow it.
Not even a single drop.
Wei Changze shakes his head, chasing the memory away; it’s no good now. He didn’t get caught that time and managed to spit it out everything later without anyone but Fengmian knowing. It’s resolved- back to the things that matter, to the actual problem.
If he remembers right the name of the boy Cangse Sanren almost adopted...Xue Yang?
You might have sent the last remaining member of that sect to Baoshan Sanren...
Wei Changze tries very hard to not be pessimistic. It is not in his nature to be in the first place. He tries to convince himself that Xue is a common name. That even if it is not, it means the last one who knows how to find the Iron Yin is safe and locked on a mystic mountain. That the monster is just that, a monster, and that he tried to trap his wife into an illusion, using her inner fears and recent trauma. That’s all. It has to be all.
The third dream is a lie, he has to focus on the first two. Maybe even not the second one. It can’t be happening; Lotus Pier can’t fall. When you know someone, sometimes you’re awfully aware of what would break them. Cangse Sanren would not live without her freedom, and just as Wei Changze knows he can’t lose his family, that it would destroy him, he is sure that the fall of his sect would destroy Jiang Fengmian.
Wei Changze wants to continue to push away the reality, to deny everything a little bit longer and forget. But he can’t if that’s the cost he will have to pay. It’s complicated; he is stuck in the middle and he hates this. He can’t continue to be a fool as proof piles up. But he can’t accept the reality as well because reality hurt. And when something hurts you push it in the background, you forget it, you erase it. That’s what he has always done. He doesn’t know what to do when that solution doesn’t work.
“Thank you for your hard work.” He thanks the disciple family before going back to Yunmeng. Empty handed, his mind void of any plan, any solution at all.
He just knows he has to find a way to prevent this future from happening. By all means. Whatever the cost is.
Currently the cost is utter lack of sleep.
Fortunately, between writing official and unofficial reports to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan, he has plenty of moments that fill his heart with happiness too. Wei Changze knows, unfortunately, that happiness is not something he can hold for long periods of time, like other people do apparently. So he learned to be happy for short moments, tiny little treasures, every so often instead. Cangse Sanren can be happy all day long, Wei Changze is happy when she smiles, when he plays along with her jokes; when A-Ying shows his progress, when he is teaching to the Yunmeng Jiang disciples, parenting his son, nephew and niece is another. And in between those, his melancolic moods, he tries to forget it. It’s those happy breaks which remind him why he is doing all of this, why all his efforts and work matter. As long as he feels like this he can keep going, he knows as much. So he always takes the time to play a bit with the children. Months pass, more or less the same; training, work, playing with the kids, organizing the conference, spying on the Mo village region.
First snow falls as the Conference is drawing near. Children play outside, there’s rarely snow in Lotus Pier, so it’s the first time for the Jiangs. A-Ying and Cangse Sanren are all too eager to show them the simple pleasure of ludge and snowball fights. While he remains inside, with Jiang Fengmian, focusing on the sects’ competition that will take place, and what the current cold weather has brought upon them. More work, unfortunately. They are both at their wits’ end.
One day, Yu Ziyuan barges in the office and immediately looks at Wei Changze:
“You should tell her now. I’m taking the children for a walk through the town.”
He knows she’s right, but it doesn’t change the dread he feels about it. He visits his wife anyways. She is at her new workshop, since she has apparently been discharged from babysitting duty by their Madam. When the building was under construction Jiang Fengmian made sure the children would have a safe space to play, but, as always with Cangse Sanren it went out of hand. There’s a swing in the middle of the room; she also pushed a table to the side and tied a blanket to the beam she is supposed to use to walk, making a strange fort filled with pillows. Wei Changze helped make small paper buildings that she sneaked in between books, scrolls and piles of work on the shelves too, so that the children would rather look at that instead of making a mess (a bigger mess) of her research. She even hid the talisman that made the little paper window light up at their signal. It seems to work. The children are hypnotized by it every time she puts them on and they make their own papermen in order to play in this paper town. Of course since it’s Cangse Sanren there’s chalked graphics written on the floor, but Wei Changze can tell that this mess is mostly only her. (Even if there are a few carved drawings on the wood and a bunch of black inked tiny hand prints here and there). He tries his best to avoid stepping on anything as he gets to his wife. Now that she flies instead of walking, her habit to leave things on the floor has worsened.
“I heard you had your first commission?” He tries, hoping it would make the conversation easier to start it with such good news.
Cangse Sanren looks up, a bright smile on her face; in front of her the table is a mess. Scrolls, ink and junks pile up on top of everything now that she started metal working with the incense burner. Yet she beams:
“Yeah! One of the rogue cultivators Fengmian invited over saw my Duandai! He wants the same kind of weapon!”
She laughs and takes the pose:
“I may be able to make some money, dear not-husband! So let me drown you in riches! What do you want first as a gift? A book? A new robe? We certainly need new warm robes with so much snow. Or do you want me to make you a weapon with my amazing new technique? I’m sure I can make you a glove that can make your grip on your sword better!”
“But I don’t have money...I’m very, very poor…” He complains.
He smirks and puts a kiss on her neck, passing his arms around her waist to hold her closer. She chirps, happily, and hearing her be enthusiastic, so overly happy makes his heart do loops in his chest. He is glad she is slowly returning to her old state, stop looking at the shadow with sad eyes and focusing on their real son, not the illusion she saw. Not on Baoshan Sanren’s letter. Not on that future. Leave this to me, I will find a solution, just focus on being happy.
“I do not work for free like you, but I think we can find another way for you to pay me... ” She teases him. “There're no children in sight...My workshop is sound proof and...Fire proof somehow…” She looks up where they both know there is a barrel full of water, ready to collapse if any flame weaken its fundations. “I know you don’t feel it but I’m currently trying very hard to rub my leg against yours, dear not-husband, don’t let my effort go unnoticed…”
Cangse Sanren gives him the look he fell in love with, the little mischievous smirk of a child who knows she is going to make a misdeed, but is too eager and happy about it to hide. The one who always whispered to him “Come on, let’s do it, we won’t be caught, you’ll see!”
He almost believes her and leans in. But...
“It is a very tempting offer, but...”
He sighs. He is ruining the mood but he has to. Cangse Sanren feels the shift and looks up:
“But?”
“If I asked you...to stay away during the conference, what would you say?”
Cangse Sanren’s eyebrows almost touch her hairline.
“I would certainly ask why? I’m almost sure that everyone is going to talk about us, so Fengmian is going to need his favorite scapegoat! I’m the best at diverting attention in case you haven’t noticed! I’m sure I can say or do something stupid enough so that no one will speak about his marriage, or his growing sect for days!...So why do you not want me there to help?”
She smiles devilishly:
“Are you hiding a mistress or two you don’t want me to meet? or worse? Am I the mistress, and you’re in fact, very much married, with your wife about to arrive? Gasp, my heart!”
He pushes her gently, only mildly exasperated by her joke. He likes it but he doesn’t want her to forget the truth buried under her humor, so he says:
“You’re the only one for me.”
She almost purrs from contentment.
“You’re the only one for me too. And that’s why I want to know why you don’t want me there. What’s worrying you?”
He inhales sharply.
“The Sect leader Jin worries me.”
“Ah the one you talked to me about at Cloud Recesses...Jin Guan...Wait what was his name? Crap. I forgot. Let’s call him Jin Guandick. I don’t remember his name but I recall him being a dick.”
He smiles a bit, she is the only one that could make such a grave matter sounds like this. Back while they studied at Cloud Recesses, the Jin heir touched servant girls from the Jiang’s procession, who went to Wei Changze, who relayed the message to his friend. They were scared; sure it was only groping here and there, but if he wanted to do more to them, they would be at his mercy. What can a servant do? What their words would be worth, against his? Wei Changze had tried his best to protect them, telling them to only work in pairs, a boy and a girl, all the time, and something that the Jin heir was allergic to, in hopes it would calm the unwanted man’s attention...But there was only so much he could do at the time. And he remembers complaining about it to his secret crush, at the library pavillon.
In the end the matter was resolved because Jiang Fengmian went to speak with Qinghengh-Jun, who asked his teacher for advice, and they all solved this with the Jin heir behind closed doors. Jin Guandick- he likes the nickname -stopped harassing people at Cloud Recesses and groped girls at Caiyin town instead, where the Lan Sect had no say in it. Jiang Fengmian invited the man as many times as he could to make sure he would do it less, and Lan Qiren started to ask the Jin heir to join his group of study too; but that was putting a bandage on broken bone- not very efficient.
“So, what about it?” Cangse Sanren inquires.
He looked at her, so beautiful. People always say his wife is beautiful, and that he was lucky she even looked at him. They were right. He gazes at her legs. He doesn’t doubt she can defend herself if the man decides to do something stupid- thinking he can have his way with her thanks to her wound. But he doesn’t want him to try in the very first place; so he tells her the naked truth.
Cangse Sanren frowns. She doesn’t deny the possibility.
“If he tries anything, I’m killing him.” She states, then her serious expression melts into a teasing smile: “I’m counting on you to break me out of prison before they decapitate me in retaliation! You can start a fire, and take me away while everyone is busy with it...”- she kisses his chin. “Though maybe they won’t punish me for his murder! Maybe they would be glad I got rid of him. Yu Ziyuan told me her sworn sister is pretty sick of her husband’s infidelity. And I mean the world is a better place with less people like that dick!”
Wei Changze wants to smile back but he can’t.
“It would bring troubles to the Jiang Sect, Cangse. Jiang Fengmian would have to pay for this. We can't....”
It’s hard enough to think that they might cause Lotus Pier to fall in the future. Cangse Sanren sighs.
“I know. But...I don’t get it, in your stories, all he did was some unwanted touching. It’s not okay, sure, but I can handle it. Why do you fear he would do worse now?”
“Power changes people. And he is a very powerful man now. One of the wealthiest after Wen Ruohan. And you’re....”
Just a servant’s wife, he doesn’t say this, because he knows she would be angry. She was raised on a mountain, she doesn’t get the birth problem, the sect politics, as much as he does. Sure she knows the theory, she learned it, but she didn’t live through it all her life, witnessing the unfairness of the system overall. Even he was lucky enough to go through it fairly unhurt, thanks to his best friend; a lot of people in his condition had it worse. As shameless as Cangse Sanren can be, she still has more pride than him; she will not like to hear that. So he gives her another reason that is as true as the other one:
“There will be alcohol at the conference. It fogs the mind, blurs lines one knows they shouldn’t cross.”
Cangse Sanren sighs, exasperated by him but not hurt. That’s the better outcome.
“You and your war with alcohol. Are you going to tell me not to drink too? That’s unfair, no party, no beverage, what will I do?”
“You could...be in charge of the children with Yu Ziyuan and her sworn sister...”
She stops and stares, her eyes filling with stares:
“Children?” She repeats. How many? he hears. She accepts the deal, apparently.
“Almost all Sects agreed to bring their heir, except the Wen Sect.”
“Figures! Aw A-Ying is going to be so happy to see his baby Lan friends again! How did he manage to convince them?”
“They did say it would be too dangerous to let their heirs gather in the same place. But if no one knows that they are here on the Sect grounds except their clan...Jiang Fengmian also assured them they could send their personal servants to escort their heir, and that he would leave the best of the best in charge of their protection…”
She smiles.
“So...I am the best of the best…?”
He believes so; but the other Sects do not. Lan Qiren especially would be angry at the idea of leaving his nephews under her charge after she got thrown out of Cloud Recesses, probably. So the best of the best is the Violet Spider and her awesome sworn sister, madam Jin, with a few of their most trusted servant girls at their service. Plus they added assurance that the children would be allowed to play only within the Sect’s building, since the conference took place in Yunmeng. No one but their leaders would know, safe and hidden from any kidnapping or assassination attempts. Conveniently away from the conference and Jin Guandick too. And also a good way to test out the new defenses they installed around the whole place; if any one dared trespass, they would be hit in retaliation a little bit unfairly, with the anger that should have been directed at the Wens in the “dream”. It’s the perfect plan, Jiang Fengmian came up with it. And he hopes that everything will go smoothly. Because Wei Changze feels very tired. He supposes it’s still okay, since no one noticed, that means he is not bad enough for this to be serious. He can still go on. He can still keep up and work.
“Okay Changze, I will stay here during the conference…” Agrees Cangse Sanren- and he is afraid he missed some of her comments, too deep in thoughts. “But...I want you to know that I do that not because I'm scared of Jin Guandick. Or because you asked me.”
She boops their noses and sends him a loving gaze.
“I do it because I don't want you to worry. I promise I will stay here. But you have to promise me you’ll rest a bit too. I’m worried; Fengmian and Ziyuan are too.”
Ah. Well. Wei Changze smiles back at her. He supposes then, that it’s bad enough. Part of him, though, is afraid that if he stops and rests now, he will not be able to stand up again, caught in one of his bad-loop-days. He can’t afford to be like that now. He can’t afford letting them know how much he needs to sleep. There’s too much work left to do. Too many things left to plan. Too many uncertainties. Too little time. So he nudges his head in the crook of his wife’s shoulders.
“What about your offer? Will that count as rest?”
She laughs, and her arms circle around his neck, pressing him closer. It seems like it’s a yes.
Notes:
Next chapter is...Xue Yang's pov. =D Surprise surprise !
It will be up on Friday.Since I lost a lot of my chapters stock, and I really have a lot of work at...well work... I might start a new publishing rhythm (I will aim for 2 chapters per week still, but which days? So far I'm thinking about Tuesday and Friday...But I'm open to suggestions ^^)
I forgot to add the notes i had for this chapter xD So i put them on edit. THis fic has different type of liars as heroes and i have a lot of fun playing with them...
Cangse Sanren : Lie easy peasy, especially to herself.
Jiang Fengmian : Avoid telling lies, but certainly not tell the truth.
Yu Ziyuan : Hates lies, do not lie if she can avoid it.
Wei Changze : Lies is his first instinct, when in doubts? Lies. When mistrust? Lies. Survival mode activate. There's only two people he would hate to lie to, and he still won't hesitate if it can save their lives.Bonus point :
Lan Yuan : It's not a lie to tell two distinct truths and then let people make their own wrongly assumptions.
Chapter 40: The curse of the Iron Yin
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I'm here with a new chapter and some revelations ! I hope you'll like it =D
In this chapter you (normally) finally have some answers) If you don't understand something don't heistate to say so in the comment so i will kow what i still need to clarify in the future =)
Previous chapter summary --> Meeting for the first time Wen Ruohanand the Wen after learning what the future hold for them was already hard enough, but Wei Changze had on top of it had to deal with numerous other problems. New rumors started to spread, painting Jiang Fengmian as a unfaithful husband and a future war lord who was reparing his conquest of the world. Wei Changze fought this by spreading new rumors during his free time. A Wen clan also came back on Dafan mountain, trying to suppress an epidemic, and Wei Changze visited them to make sure they posed no threat. When he recognized the woman who helped Cangse Sanren when she was paralyzed, he offered them the Yunmeng Jiang Clan's help if they ever needed it. Finally, as the conference was drawing near, Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze both realized that they needed to do one more thing : make sure that no women, servants or not, would be allowed to be close Jin Guangshan. Cangse Sanren included. In the meantime, unaware of the time passing through, on a not-so-far-away mountain...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Xue Yang smirks as he sees the pale figure that has become his teacher and surrogate mother. She is quite easy to spot, with her long white hair that shines under the moonlight and her pristine robes. She is way more difficult to follow though; she never makes any sound, as if she is gliding instead of walking. Xue Yang is still convinced she is a spirit of some kind; he never saw her legs and is quite certain that if he sneaks under her robe he will find nothing. No one can move that fast, as if flying, with just a soft swift sound, like the wind. But it is a mystery for tomorrow- he has another one to dig out tonight. And this time she is not going to outrun him; he is fully prepared. He is going to discover where she’s headed every night since he got there.
Silently, Xue Yang jumps out of the shadow. The palace they live in is strange; it looks like a nobles residence, but has no inner courtyard or fences surrounding it. And weirdest of all it is not made of wood but white rock. She explained to him that it was to prevent fire from spreading to the library the building held. When Xue Yang was brought here the first time he remembered being so impressed he almost swallowed a fly. Now he just resents it- it’s impractical, impossible to hide in its shadow when everything is so white and clean.
Baoshan Sanren, or the crazy witch- as Xue Yang likes to call her, leaves the vicinity of her palace, entering the forest that surrounds them all. For a moment, before she goes past the century old trees, she casts a glance downward. Xue Yang follows her gaze.
The palace she trains and hosts her students in stands at the very top of the mountain, hidden behind the forest. But far down, houses had been built. From this angle, Xue Yang can’t help but think that all the cultivable terraces look like a staircase for giants. Which would suck because it is hard to cultivate and if anyone dares step on his work Xue Yang is chopping their feet off! Anyways, what seems to get Baoshan Sanren’s attention is the still light in one of the farest houses in the valley.
Xue Yang doesn’t have as good ears as his teacher, but he can guess what’s happening; the lady is having a baby. Baoshan Sanren helped her birth one with Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang simply stood there and got grossed when they asked him to bath the little red thing full of goop. The little brat is probably crying still.
Honestly, Xue Yang doesn’t understand why Baoshan Sanren bothers with all those people down there. She doesn’t remember half of the people’s names; as they are descendants of her disciples. The small community likes and respects her, and they work for her to thank her for her protection and blessing, but they’re not...Just not the people she wants them to be. Not anymore. They’re all dead. None of her students cultivated to immortality like her. Yes some are still okay, too old to be Xue Yang’s friends, like Xiao Xingchen, but alright adults at the very least. He likes the lady cultivator who has the third house to the right, she showed him how to make his own candy. But Xue Yang doesn’t like the old uncle who lives next door; he always messes with Xue Yang’s hair. He supposes the fake twins are okay, they tell way better stories than Xiao Xingchen at the very least, and they dare to say the names of the disciples that ran away, like Cangse Sanren. They never do in presence of Baoshan Sanren, yes, but they do whenever she is away, and that’s how Xue Yang learned that his benefactor was quite a troublesome little shit. The bratiest of brats.
“No one can outclass her, she commited every possible misdeed she could on this mountain! And she is the first one to make our teacher scream at her.” One of the twins told him.
Xue Yang is determined to do better than his predecessor. The other twin agreed that he started his goal well enough; by almost setting fire to their master’s office. (In his defense, she had been reading the letter for hours, and nothing but the fire had brought her attention on him). And he did not set everything on fire- not anything important -since the whole place is made of rock instead of wood, so why complain?
Oh crap. Xue Yang almost misses the moment Baoshan Sanren starts to move again. He is about to follow when he hears someone speak behind his back:
“You should be in your bed.”
He does not scream, nor jump to the nearest branch like some cat. No he does not. He only glares angrily at Xiao Xingchen.
“You should...not follow me!” He retortes to the older student.
The teen tilts his head to the right.
“I have been tasked to keep an eye on you. That’s what I’m doing. You should not follow our master during her nightwalk either.”
This goody-two-shoes! He just wants Xue Yang to go back to sleep and be just like him, a good student that does everything she tells him to do. Or maybe he wants Xue Yang to tell him another story of the outside world. Since Xue Yang called him a bad storyteller, he asked him to teach him how to do it right, and has been requesting story after story. Like a damn kid! Who is the babysitter between the two of them exactly?! He doesn’t even get from Xue Yang’s stories how the outside world sucks.
Xue Yang sticks his tongue at him and Xiao Xingchen raises an eyebrow, not impressed.
“Return to the dormitory Xue Yang,” he repeats.
“Come on! Don’t you want to know what she’s hiding?” He complains.
“Why do you care about her hiding anything? Surely it must be for our own good. Like when she was hiding the so-secret-book you stole. You didn’t like the content of that book.”
Xue Yang blushes. Okay, so what? He got it wrong that time! How could he have guessed it was the uncensored version of the story Baoshan Sanren read to the kids in the village? The one about the unfortunate crown prince? Not so unfortunate he is, he ends up quite well with a ghost boyfriend and does all sorts of gross things apparently in the next chapters she certainly never told them about! Adult stuff and porn! YERK! He does not know how to read yet and the books were well hidden! Surely, he thought there had to be a secret here! He was wrong, okay his mistake! He is never taking the teacher’s books ever again!
Still Xue Yang can’t believe that an immortal; a fucking immortal’s day can be summed up as taking care of the crops, play with the kids, teaching two ( yes, a very impressive number ) students cultivation, and meditation. It can’t be. There has to be something more exciting in this woman’s life. Something less boring! And he hates when people are hiding things from him; secrets have power and if Xue Yang is to become a cultivator, it’s to make sure no one ever has power over him!
“Anyways, you lost her now.” Points out Xiao Xingchen.
“What?!”
It’s true, too busy talking with Xiao Xingchen, he lost Baoshan Sanren in the forest. She lurked away like a ghost. The…
“You tricked me!” He complains to the older boy.
He disappoints Xue Yang very very much. Xiao Xingchen smirks and Xue Yang thinks that, after all, the guy has become somehow less boring than their teacher. He is still angry at him for ruining his plan. And he is not going back to the dorm to sleep!
“I’m not tired! Let’s play catch!”
And with that, he boops Xiao Xingchen’s nose and runs away as fast as he can into the forest. The place is their training ground, he is starting to know his way about it; the first few days he always slipped on the moss and ended up falling into the small puddles all around here, or tried to catch a branch only to fail, jumping too short. Now he is getting better. Baoshan Sanren says it’s because he is building muscles, Xiao Xingchen says it’s because he is finally eating properly, Xue Yang says it’s because he is smart. He is starting to get how spiritual energy works. And it makes him remember strange things too. Things he has trouble making sense of. Things he didn’t learn beforehand and shouldn’t know of; very much like the itinerary to the secret mountain that Cangse Sanren carved into her brain with a spell.
“Xue Yang...It’s too late to play! Come back!” almost-complains Xiao Xingchen (Xue Yang is not sure the guy can complain for real; his voice is too soft for that). He puts as much distance as possible between them, zig-zagging between trees and taking himself down the worst pathway he can find in order to outrun him. It’s useless, the man already has a functioning core unlike him. But Xue Yang is as slippery as a wheel, and as fast as a monkey. And most of all he is a master trickster (especially since Xiao Xingchen is so gullible it’s funny). The man falls for almost all his traps and lures…
The lake above is the source of all their water, and the century old tree made the ground dangerous: full of holes and caves filled with sand and crystal clear water. Villagers laughed about it, saying that Cangse Sanren used to play there, turning the dangerous place into a swimming pool during summer. Xiao Xingchen disagreed, since Xue Yang didn’t know how to swim yet, and warned him about it on his very first day, saying that he could get stuck in the place by accident. He asked him to play only in the valley, where the caves open to let out tiny streams full of gigantics white rocks and moss. Of course Xue Yang didn’t listen and fell into one of the caves during his first expedition and Xiao Xingchen had to come get him, using one of the roots of the tree so he could climb out of his mess.
Xue Yang doesn’t hesitate to play on his fear of past events. All Xue Yang has to do is find one of the many caves full of crystal clear water and throw a big rock in it, screaming for help and immediately Xiao XingChen is diving to his rescue without even checking.
Stupid. It gives him a lot of time to find back Baoshan Sanren.
Xue Yang is not afraid of getting lost in the forest anymore, even in the middle of the night. He passes in front of the big lake he arrived through and stops right in its path.
She is there!
Baoshan Sanren is standing in the middle of the lake, walking on the water. It’s already surreal, but the fact that her every step doesn’t cause any wave on the surface is even stranger.
Xue Yang knows this place is special; after all it’s the gate that leads to this place. Who would have thought that, at the very bottom of Burial mounds, there is a forgotten lake, so muddy you cannot even see your reflection in it, and that if you dive into it and swim to the ground, you would get out not in the same place you left? Not at the foot of the mountain but the very top, not in some barren land, but in the middle of trees. Not the scary and malevolent surrounding of the mounds, but this sacred mountain where the water is pure and the air so fresh? Not in a cursed place but a spiritual nest!
No one would think that. That’s why no one can find Baoshan Sanren and her mountain without a guide.
Does this lake have another secret? Xue Yang keeps his eyes on the immortal, trembling with anticipation. He can feel it, the rise of energy, all around him. It tickles and makes him shiver.
Baoshan Sanren closes her eyes and breathes in; while during the day, the place is infested with dragonflies, during the night there're only fireflies dancing around her, casting tiny lights on her white skin, hair and robe. She looks even more like a spirit than ever. Maybe that’s why insects do not care about the human standing among their playground, and solely fly around it, like they do around rocks and trees. They do not even stir when Baoshan Sanren softly whispers:
“Lan Yi, are you there?”
Xue Yang blinks. That’s it, the crazy witch finally lost it, he thinks. Baoshan Sanren takes hours to read a letter, or cook, but explains things in a second, expecting you to get it the first time. She is completely confused about obvious facts; like she first thought Xue Yang was a baby human and that he needed a nap and milk. She patched his clothes and asked him what was his favorite animal, so she could mend the tissu, forming the pet with her thread. The fox she made out looked like a monster. One of the twins told him that once, she got angry with one of the villagers and didn’t speak to him for two years. The other twin told him she remembers the name of her first disciple and still cleans his tombstone and lights incense for him. She is also brilliant, and kind, she pats Xue Yang’s head and smiles at him like he is a little miracle, in a way no one ever did before. She hums while meditating and sometimes, as she glides on the floor, she makes a little small dance out of nowhere. She laughs all by herself thinking of who knows what, and sometimes gets all melancholic and sad looking at the horizon, all too silent and stiff. She is a lot strange in a lot of ways. But she, never, ever , talked by herself.
Xue Yang wants to believe that the immortal is not that crazy still. So he gets closer, trying his best to remain invisible underneath the bushes. Baoshan Sanren doesn't seem to notice him, she looks sad again. The same look she bore when Xue Yang gave her the letter from Cangse Sanren. The same expression she sometimes held, when she caressed Xiao Xingchen’s cheeks and looked into his eyes.
Something moves, underneath the water. And the immortal’s reflection darkens, almost melting to take the form of...Something else. Something...Something terrible. Xue Yang has seen such creatures only in his nightmares.
It doesn’t talk, only stares back at the immortal, a corpse gloomy and grim, its black eyes empty, its expression void. The surface of the water starts to freeze, slowly but surely. Xue Yang shivers, as his breath turns into tiny white clouds in front of him.
“I miss you,” Baoshan Sanren confesses to the creature, unfazed by her appearance. Her voice draws thinner and thinner. “Will you let me see you tonight?”
The creature looks at her for a long time, unmoving, and Xue Yang can feel the spiritual energy filling the air, as Baoshan Sanren breathes in, and kneels to the reflection. Her hand goes through the water, and her fingers brush the monster’s glooms. From his spot, Xue Yang can’t see well what’s happening, so he climbs into the nearest tree to get a better view. And he manages to get it, for a short moment, he can see the monster’s grim being washed away under an invisible stream, underneath all the filth, there’s a beautiful woman.
But before he can get a better view, he...Slips. And falls head first into the water with a loud scream and a big splash. Panicked, he tries to remember the movement that Xiao Xingchen taught him and opens his eyes. In front of him, the monster glances back. The woman's long hair is floating around her round face, her eyes carved out, her pristine robes dancing as a halo, white foam slowly turning into mud. She extends her hand to him, and worms seem to spread out of her skin, trying to grip him. There are whispers all around him. whispers that are familiar, almost comforting. Before he can accept her hand someone pulls him out of the water.
He realizes, only when he gasps for her, back on the firm ground, that he is freezing cold. And trembling from head to toe.
“Xue Yang…”
Baoshan Sanren looks at him with concern and worry in her eyes. Her hand caresses his cheek, and she checks him for wounds, before sighing in relief.
“You’re supposed to be asleep.” She scolds him. “Or...Is it morning already?” She checks and frowns at the moon. “No you’re supposed to be asleep!”
Xue Yang wants to snort, seriously, that’s what she is angry about? His head is full of questions.
“You’re supposed to not use resentful energy!” He remarks. “You told us it was dangerous! You said- But that...that thing! What...What is that monster?”
It’s nothing but resentful energy. And it stirs something in Xue Yang’s memory. It hurts. He almost accepted the hand that thing extended to him and it didn't even scare him. Which is troubling him. Baoshan Sanren isn’t fazed by his accusation, instead she takes off her outer robe and wraps it around Xue Yang’s shoulders, rubbing him with it until he is somehow warm again. Then she sits next to him.
“I’m not harnessing resentful energy. I’m merely witnessing it. This monster...Did I ever talk to you about the Iron Yin?” She whispers.
Xue Yang knows this word; he knows, but he doesn’t remember why. And he is pretty sure his teacher never ever mentioned it, since he arrived. He has a pretty good memory usually. So he shakes his head.
“Once upon a time, it was considered as a divine artefact; it was honoured right here, in the Yiling sacred ground. It was a rare treasure, as it could absorb the spiritual energy to stock it, very much like the golden core of a cultivator, but unlike them it was not limited to only the energy of their own body. It could drain everything. Then one day, Xue Chonghai decided to use it for evil deeds; to control a monster, the tortoise of slaughter and spread death everywhere.”
“Xue Chonghai?” Xue Yang repeats; it is the first time he hears someone with the same surname as him, the surname his father insisted he never let go of.
Baoshan Sanren avoids his gaze for a moment, looking right above his shoulder instead of him. Or maybe she isn’t looking at him but someone else she remembers, she often does that with the people of the village.
“The Yiling sacred ground turned into a graveyard.”
“The Burial mounds?”
“No It was not as bad as it is today, but it was certainly not a place where it would be safe to live either, like any place that had once been a battlefield. I decided that it was my purpose as a cultivator to purify the place, and spent many nights there trying. That’s how I reached immortality and made this place my domain. Yet, even if I did, the artifact still got tainted by the massacre, it absorbed spirits, resentment, and its core turned into something else. Something sentient with a mind of its own. Something dark. Something that could corrupt the minds of people who used him, that could split souls and realities.”
She shakes her head.
“The clan joined forces, with leader Wen Mao, to fight Xue Chonghai and retrieve the artifact. But facing the truth they realized it was far too gone, that they couldn’t purify it anymore. They killed the man, and split the artifact into four parts.”
Four parts? Xue Yang frowns, something bothering him, but he does not interrupt.
“Before he died, Xue Chonghai cursed Wen Mao to fall just like he did, a curse enhanced by the remaining force of the Iron Yin. To avoid that end, Wen Mao asked the remainder of the Xue Clan to make sure the pieces would never fall into the hands of one of his clan’s. They took responsibility for their leader’s fault and accepted the charge to hide the part of the Iron Yin, scattering it among the land, finding a place where the positive energy might be enough to contain it…”
“To the four directions…” Whispers Xue Yang.
He remembers an old lullaby, maybe it’s something that his father used to sing to him, before...Well before Xue Yang ended up alone on the street. He has the melody, but he misses the lyrics. Something like, scattering to the four winds, blabla, four pieces...And in the middle of it the sword that keeps the beast to complete the seal and assert your will to...He hums, trying to find out the rest.
If Baoshan Sanren hears him, she doesn’t show it and resumes her story:
“The five families and the Xue clan swore to never speak of the Iron Yin, so the artifact could be forgotten and never used to kill ever again. But of course this is not what happened.”
“It’s never how things go in good stories!” Smirks Xue Yang.
Baoshan Sanren nods with a sad smile.
“One of my very first disciples found a part of the Iron Yin. Yanling Daoren. He thought he could use it, but the artifact used him instead, altering his personality. He massacred the Xue clan and found all the 4 parts of the Iron Yin.”
“And the sword that keeps the beast? It won’t work without it!”
He is surprised by his own words and stares in disbelief as his teacher, who sends him back a sad glance. Slowly she cups Xue Yang’s face with her hands; spiritual energy prickles at his skin.
“Just as the Xue Clan said...Wen Mao is not the only one who had been cursed, him and all his descendants, that day…” She murmurs.
What does she mean? That I’m cursed too? Then her cold hands leave Xue Yang’s skin and she looks back at the lake, resuming her story without explaining much more.
“You are right, My disciple also wielded a sword at that time. He committed atrocities with it and it soon became evident that he had...to be executed. That’s when my soulmate, Lan Yi, called me out of my mountain.”
“That’s what you called the monster!”
Baoshan Sanren nods. Xue Yang doesn’t know if it’s because her teacher used his own name and implicated him in this story, or because of the monster, or because for the first time Baoshan Sanren is the heroine of the story, but he is fully engrossed by it by now. He wants to know the end! She is a far better storyteller than Xiao Xingchen. He can’t help but think it’s the truth. It has to be the truth, otherwise how would it explain all he is witnessing and feeling right now?
“I didn't want my disciple to die. She thought I could save him, if we destroyed the Iron Yin and got the sword away from him. I lured my student out and disarmed him, my soulmate took the sword and used it to strike the artefact. That’s when it happened. When I understood; the Iron Yin cannot be destroyed.”
She looks at Xue Yang.
“It is too powerful, but most of all, it has developed a mind of its own. In order to survive, the Iron Yin tore reality and time. When I opened my eyes again, I was back years before everything had happened, when my disciple still hadn’t left me and my mountain, when Lan Yi, my dear love, was just born.”
Xue Yang couldn’t quite believe his ears. He blinks, unable to find any snarky comment. It sounds so, impossible, that he almost believes she is making a joke. Then he remembers that he has never seen Baoshan Sanren make a joke, ever, since he arrived. He is not sure she is even able to.
“I tried to deny it, thought it was just a bad dream...That I was losing my mind to immortality like so many before me. But everything happened again just like I remembered. My disciple wanted to leave the mountain. I tried to dissuade him. He didn’t listen. We fought, and caused a rift even greater than the last time, he looked betrayed and thought I wanted to imprison him. That I hated him.”
Her hand reaches her forehead, as if she is suffering from a troublesome headache.
“Soon after he ran away, the Lan Clan called me, because one of their children was suffering from a strange alteration of a disease they knew. Lan Yi.”
For a short moment she looks at her wrist with longing.
“Your soulmate? Did she remember too?”
But Baoshan Sanren shakes her head and for a moment, she chuckles; it is a strange sound. Xue Yang’s heard her laugh before, suddenly happy in the middle of a walk or a song. He also saw her sad, as she stared at the crowd of villagers, or at her student, without any warning. This sound is a mix of both, she sounds amused but looks heartbroken.
“She did not. She was still a child. We...We did not meet like that, before, she was already an adult. So we became friends instead.”
There’s so much regret in her voice that Xue Yang can’t help but think it’s unfair. If she loved that woman, why did she care about her age? They were soulmates! Surely, she was an immortal, she could wait a few years until she was old enough to be whatever they wanted! Old geezers and their so called wiseness; surely, if Xue Yang ever fell in love he wouldn’t stop for such stupid limits.
“Lan Yi did, however, cause people to see glimpses of what...Happened. That other timeline. I don’t know why, maybe because she was the one to destroy the Iron Yin back then? Did the artifact curse her? Her disease terrified her, it sure seemed like the artifact was trying to scare her out of her wits so she could never dare to make a move against it.”
She looks down.
“I tried my best to protect her from it and to handle things on my own. After all it was my fault in the first place, it was my disciple that caused it all and she suffered enough from it. I used the dreams she gave to people to know what I didn't back then. And then tried to change destiny.”
She shakes her head.
“But it seemed like the world was trying to correct itself. People who were born, even after different events were the same than back then. Whenever I did save someone who wasn’t supposed to live, their spiritual energy became unstable, they were plagued with nightmares of their original deaths... And they fell to Qi deviation or their heart stopped in their sleep...Even when they made it out alive and well, after I found a way to chase the nightmares from their mind, they never quite...Healed the same way than in the previous timeline.”
She gulps.
“Sometimes only I saw the irony of a similar situation, they would not lose a hand, but a foot. The one who killed before protecting the other got killed instead for the same reason.... It seemed like fate was unavoidable. And in the end, I didn’t know enough to stop my disciple from finding the first piece of Iron Yin yet again. I asked your clan to go into hiding so he could not kill them and find the rest.”
“My...My clan?” Repeated Xue Yang, hopeful.
Did he still have a family then? Why did they never go to look for him and his dad then? Why did he end up on the street? If they are still there and are just ignoring him, they better have a good reason or he is going to find them and kick their butt until they spit it! Baoshan Sanren does not expand on this, however, and she resumes:
“This time...Since he was less powerful, my disciple ended up being executed easily by other clans for minor offenses. I...I thought that it was over, and went back to my mountain to grieve. I let the date of the previous timeline pass…”
A fireflies lands on her knee, and slowly, the immortal encloses the tiny creature in her hands, its light fading in the cage.
“What do you think is happening to this firefly, Xue Yang?” She smiles sadly, changing subjects.
The boy raises an eyebrow, “Seriously? You will not continue the story?”
“I will. This is part of the story. What do you think will happen to this firefly?” She insists.
“I don’t know...I’m not an insect expert. I suppose it will die by tomorrow morning? They don't live long, right?”
“What if tomorrow, I keep my hands just like this, closed...So you cannot see if the firefly is alive or dead?” Her tone is almost playful.
Xue Yang scoffs.
“So what? It’s still dead!”
“Can you prove it?”
“If you open your hands…”
“But what if I don’t?”
“You will have to, one day.”
“What if I never open my hands again?”
Xue Yang is not finding the game very funny, he wants the rest of the story. He scowls.
“Then I will never know if it’s dead or alive, what should I care? It’s just a firefly!”
“Exactly. You will never know. Inside my hands, the firefly is in a strange state where it is neither alive nor dead, and this for as long as I hold my hand closed, as it is entrapped by me.”
She pauses and her lips curve downward.
“This is exactly what the Iron Yin did with the previous timeline. It absorbed it completely, all those people whose lives had been cut short, all this reality that should have continued, trapped against their will inside all this resentment...And the day that marked the destruction of the Iron Yin in the previous timeline...they finally understood that it would never be, they would never be free. All this spiritual energy turned into resentment and the Iron Yin absorbed it...But even for it, for all it’s capacity and divine origin, could not withstand the weight of a whole world. At one point it had to let go of it, just like I have to if I ever want to be able to do anything in the future after all.”
Baoshan Sanren opens her hand and the firefly, not scared at all, remains on her palm. For a short moment, the immortal’s expression is cold and merciless, and her fingers have a small spasm. She could crush the insect so easily, even Xue Yang is conscious of that. Yet, the insect after a pause, takes off, carefree, and disappears into the night, its lights meddling among his kind above the water.
“What happened to all that energy?” Asked Xue Yang. “If it has nowhere else to go anymore?”
Where do lonely, abandoned people like him, go? Who have no kin nor place left for him? Unlike this firefly. He always wondered. Baoshan Sanren sends him a pitiful look that falls on the lake, or to be more accurate, what lies beyond it. Xue Yang can feel his throat dries.
“Burial Mounds?” He asks.
She did say before that she purified the place, that it was never as bad as it is today. And to his surprise, Baoshan Sanren slowly nods.
“You have a good understanding on how Resentful energy works. It took me a long time to get what happened even though I witnessed it first hand. That day the Iron Yin I hid let out everything on my mountain. It took all my power to make sure it would stay in one place, here, and not that every ghost from the previous timeline would go rampage, trying to merge themselves with their new selves. And all I was able to preserve of my home is this tiny place. Just a small glimpse of what it once was. The place I loved. The people I once cherished...”
Her toe touches the surface of the lake, causing small pimples on its surface this time. Xue Yang’s eyes grow wide, and since his brain works sometimes funnily, he can't help but think: so she does have legs! One mystery solved!
“Is it the monster that I saw? Did all the spirits of the previous reality that were stuck in burial mounds b-become this? Even...Even your Lan Yi?” He guesses.
“Shadows of who they once were and what they could have been, futures stolen and cut short unfairly. Yes. It is them. Lan Yi is just one of the millions that make it up, it is hard to talk to her only. Besides she is...angry at me. I tried and tried to purify it again, to put her soul to rest, I tried to put back the fragment of Iron Yin I had to its rightful place to appease her and everyone the Iron Yin wronged, I tried everything, every technique that I knew of...I talked about her other self about the Yin iron and it resulted in nothing but her own death in this reality too...I even tried to purify all Burial Mounds...but just as it is too much energy for even the artifact, it is too much work for me.”
Well he certainly would be angry at her too, in her stead. It sucked; she wanted to help her lover and got trapped forever there! Wise my ass. On top of it that idiot teacher didn’t even hook up with her other version of Lan Yi in this new reality. Wait! maybe that would enrage her even more, after all it’s like cheating, right? What was Baoshan Sanren supposed to do, then?
“Why are you telling me this?” Asks Xue Yang, finally. If there is one thing he knows, it’s that his teacher and surrogate mother is full of secrets; that she wears the mystery like her pristine robes. And now she stands there, next to him, her outer layer on Xue Yang’s shoulders, sitting on the dirt next to a child, her feet brushing the water and a sad expression on her face. She looks less like a spirit, and more like a human than ever.
“This...This is your right to know about the Iron Yin. As the last survivor of the Xue Clan…”
The last survivor, eh? Xue Yang looks down, a bittersweet taste filling his mouth; so he has no butt to kick for abandoning him, in the end.
“And maybe,” Baoshan Sanren adds, her voice weak and thin. “Maybe I hoped for you to know…and tell me...What should I have done, back then? And what should I do, to prevent it from happening again?”
She curls on herself, bringing her legs against her chest, her toes curling in the ground as they leave the water, her forehead resting on her knees. For a moment, their roles are reversed, she feels so small and weak next to Xue Yang that he is not sure what to do or say. He doesn’t know. He hopes...he hopes it will not happen; it is embarrassing to say it, but he likes the way his life is now. He likes living on this little heaven, hidden from the world, he likes the villagers who live here, he likes the boring Xiao Xingchen that serves as a mentor...but most of all, he likes this teacher and surrogate mother of his.
Notes:
Yin Iron *got destroyed by Lan Yi and proceeds, in the new timeline to scare her and her closest ones with visions so she will never intend to do it again*
Baoshan Sanren *uses those visions against him to save people* thanks.
Yin Iron *pikachu face*
Xue Yang : This artifact is super stupid!
Baoshan Sanren : I said it developed a consciousness in order to survive, never said it was smart.
Xue Yang : It still got you though.
Baoshan Sanren *pikachu face*
And also...in the meantime…
Xiao Xingchen : I think Xue Yang drowned, I didn’t even find his body, teacher is going to kill me...I deserve to die anyways. I let the baby I was supposed to babysit die...I’m a murderer…
Chapter 41: Burn out
Notes:
Hello everyone !!
I'm so happy by the reception of last chapter <3 Thank you all so much, i'm glad you like my world building and the way i made the time travel happened. And kudos for all people who saw the Shrodinger cat in Baoshan Sanren's example =DIf you have any doubts, questions, theories still, don't hesitate to share it with me, as it helps me greatly. This way i know if i will adress/answer your questions in the future or if i totally missed the point (as it is evident for me, as the writer). ^^PLus i love reading your theories...
Now, let's get back to business and defeat the...Wen! (And Jin...And honestly whatever stand in the way of the characters' happy ending)
Previous chapter Summary --> Xue Yang had been on Burial Mounds, for months now. Baoshan Sanren's heaven was well hidden there. And if he loved the place and the peace he found there, he was still very curious about this weird teacher of his. Curious enough to follow her during one of her night walk. There he discovered the truth about his name ; the Xue Clan had been the one to make the Iron Yin in the first place, and when the divine artefact got tainted by resentment, they accepted the duty to hide its pieces and make sure no one would use it again. But they had been slaughetered. Baoshan Sanren also told him a reather sad story ; the story of an immortal whose first disciple once tried to conquer the world with the Iron Yin, only to be killed by Lan Yi and his teacher. The story of a divine artefact who developped a consciousness, and right before getting destroyed, splitted time to survive. The story of the immortal, who was the onlyone who remembered the original timeline, and was unable to save her loved ones despite changing history. The story of the trapped reality that had been cut short, turned into resentment when it realized it would never be back, and got sealed into Burial mounds. A story that, Baoshan Sanren was afraid, was repeating itself once again.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The conference is fast approaching; only a couple of weeks away. Nothing is ready. Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze won’t say they’re stressed. But they are. Yu Ziyuan snaps twice as much at the disciples. Wei Ying is almost vibrating from sheer impatience. Jiang Yanli withdraws more and more often, shy and scared at the idea of meeting her fiancé. Cangse Sanren helps her finish her gift for him, but is also alternating between being eager to be on babysitting duty, and frustrated at being stuck at home while cultivators from all over the world are going to have fun testing their abilities in a big contest. She’s never missed her legs this much. Okay, she is exaggerating, maybe she had, but she can’t remember now.
Jiang Cheng is having the worst of it, though. Yu Ziyuan scolds him on a regular basis, especially when she catches him sword playing with A-Ying.
“You have to be more defensive! Your father is trying to teach disciples a new way, show them the example!”
While Jiang Fengmian is constantly correcting his manners.
“A-Cheng you can’t talk like that during the conference. You are the future Sect Leader. Why can’t you behave?”
A-Cheng doesn’t understand what is happening, why his parents are back to how they were before the Wei couple barged into their lives. Why? What did I do wrong? What changed? He is shaken and sad, and frustrated and angry. Questions are haunting him and yet he can’t ask the person he wants to address it without the fear of being scolded again. So when A-Xian invites himself into his room, where he withdrew to cry in peace- so no one can hurt him more -he pushes him away.
Since his presence didn’t change anything, why should he have to stand it, right now, after all?
“Go away Wei Wuxian!”
But A-Xian is nothing but stubborn, and since A-Cheng closed the door and barricaded it, he goes through the window.
“Let’s play outside!” He proposes to his brother, hoping to change his mind. Surely if keeping himself busy playing, to forget the absence of letters from Lan Zhan works on him, he can only assume it will work on A-Cheng too!
“Mommy repaired our luge, she said snow is gonna melt soon, we can-”
“Go away!” Screams A-Cheng back. “I don’t want to! Mother and Father are going to be mad at me for playing!”
He doesn’t know what’s making them angry, but he is not risking anything.
A-Ying is sure they will not, and if they will, his daddy and mommy sure can talk to them, like they do sometimes during meals. So he tries to get A-Cheng to move from his bed, but he kicks him in the face instead.
“Go away or- or” A-Cheng hiccups, his face turning as red as his eyes. “Or I’ll call my dogs!”
He pulls out his whistle. A-Ying can’t hear anything else but his scared beating heart, not even his own words as he begs A-Cheng to not do that! Please! Anything but that! Then everything goes silent, before the whistle resounds.Then the barks, and before he knows it, A-Ying is running away as far as he can.
A-Cheng puppies do not pursue him, instead they cuddle with A-Cheng and lap his cheeks until it’s wet with drool instead of tears, and he hides his face in their fur for what feels like hours. Until he falls asleep. He wakes up because of the commotion outside. People are calling A-Xian’s names. It’s dark. Night has fallen, and it’s snowing still.
Fear and guilt creeps into his chest.
Cangse Sanren is flying everywhere, calling:
“A-Ying? A-Ying where are you sweetheart? Come back here, I know you’re hungry! Mommy is hungry too, she wants to go home and get drunk!”
“Cangse!” Snaps Wei Changze next to her.
She shivers, and her husband’s serious glance tells her to not make a joke out of it. He is worried; she stepped on one of the troublemaker’s rules- not make a joke that hurts people. She is terrified of course, but she doesn’t know how to respond without joking, jokes help her push away the fear that is freezing her blood right now. A few months ago, she told A-Ying that a good troublemaker doesn’t make jokes that hurt others. She stepped on this rule right now. She can’t let herself be overwhelmed by mother’s adrenaline. She wants to sob. Where is her baby? Is he playing Hide-and seek? Did he lose track of time? Did he fall asleep, there, in the snow? If he did, then he is dead! What if he got lost? What if someone took his hand, someone with bad intentions? What if he saw the monster again? What if the monster, despite the Lan’s confidence, despite the fact it might be her son too, hurt him?
She can’t help but imagine everything that could have gone wrong, and she can’t joke about it to make it sound ridiculous, so it only gets more and more terrifying inside her mind.
“A-Ying!” She hears herself scream again, not knowing where to look anymore. They searched everywhere!
Wei Changze kicks a barrel full of frozen water, and still looks inside, as if their son could be hidden there! She wants to laugh. She also wants to cry.
“A-Ying!” Calls once again Wei Changze.
“I looked everywhere inside the Sect,” whispers Jiang Fengmian, white as snow. “He is nowhere…”
“I swear as soon as I find him, I’ll kill him!” Grumbles Yu Ziyuan, before she turns and screams at the disciples to stop being idle and to continue the search.
“My lady!” Complains Jiang Fengmian, but Cangse Sanren cuts him and snaps at Yu Ziyuan:
“Don’t you dare kill my baby!”
“You should have taught him not to go out of sight!” She barks back. “And it’s just a figure of speech ; stop glaring at me Changze!!”
“He is very afraid of the monster, he would not have gone outside the barrier…” Jiang Fengmian tries to reason, his voice a bit too rushed and his breath a bit too erratic to hide his fears.
“I’m sorry,” sobs A-Li. “But I gifted A-Xian with a robe I made…The one with the scripture he had on his skin, so he could get out without seeing the monster...I’m so sorry! I thought it was a good idea!”
Town people gather at the entrance of the Sect, worried by all the noise and agitation. A little bit despaired, Cangse Sanren grabs a granny and starts to explain, tries to explain:
“I’m looking for my son, he is about this tall…Silver eyes, long hair, red ribbon…”
She tells her everything that goes through her mind, anything that she can think of and can define her baby- the way he laughs, the way he pats her knee and tells her everything is okay- everything that could explain why he is not there under her supervision anymore. But the words fall short, there’s not enough, there are not enough words to describe how much she loves him. She can feel how everyone is panicking; how Wei Changze is getting less and less calm and more and more frantic. She has to put him at ease- she has...She has to lift up the mood, they can’t go and panic like that, they will not be able to find him properly with their heads clouded in worry! She can feel her lips curving upward in a vain tentative of a smile, one last joke...
“One of his friends is supposed to arrive shortly, maybe he got impatient and tried to look for him! He is a little bit confused about time still. And he is overly attached to his friend I know I have to talk to him about it but-”
She doesn’t finish her joke. Her heart squeezing in pain. She can’t help but remember the night-hunt. The dream. The Yiling patriarch being consumed and devoured away. Her son. gone. Forever. She can’t add anything. When the granny pats her head and whispers:
“It’s okay, we will help. Who was in charge of him last?”
They all stop and stare at one another, pointing themselves.
“I haven’t seen him since lunch...”
“Weren’t you supposed to keep an eye on him?”
“Not today, I told you I was working on the communication spell!”
“Well don’t look at me like that,” Snaps Yu Ziyuan. “I was busy with the supplies for the conference! Changze, weren’t you?”
“I was at Yunmeng, checking the inn for the Wen Sect. Fengmian...?”
“I was handling the disciples...”
Understanding that it will lead them nowhere, one of the villager offers:
“Do you have a drawing of him, something we can give to people?”
Something crack inside her heart. It suddenly feels real; her baby is gone. Cangse Sanren doesn’t know why but she falls into the woman’s arms and cries like a child. Wei Changze doesn’t rush to her side, instead, he runs everywhere, his scream getting louder and louder, almost roaring :
“Wei WUXIAN! If you hear me you better COME BACK HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT THIS ISN’T FUNNY!”
Even Jiang Fengmian flinches at his tone.
When A-Cheng goes out, that’s the scene he finds. A-Li rushes to him in hurry:
“A-Cheng! You’re awake!” She checks him with a relieved smile. Can you help us? We don’t know where is A-”
Before he knows it, A-Cheng is crying again. A-Li tries to comfort him; assuring that it will be okay and they will find A-Xian, not understanding that it’s all A-Cheng’s fault. He used his puppies against A-Xian when he promised he would protect him! He told him to go away when he promised he would do everything to make him stay forever! What has he done?! Father is right, he is not fit to be the sect leader’s heir, and mother is even more right, he is a terrible example!
He doesn’t know how A-Li gets anything from his hiccups and explanations- because he has to tell her, he has to tell her because he is terrified to confess to his parents, uncle and auntie, but someone has to know and tell the truth or A-Xian is never coming back. A-Li’s face turns white, and she looks around. No adult heard that.
Good! I can still fix it!
She cups her brother’s face with her freezing hands, and wipes his tears. She can’t take the time to go and tell adults, they will waste time bickering and make A-Cheng feel worse, scolding him, when surely, it’s their fault to begin with! She is going to protect her little brothers. Both of them! She can do it. She can make sure everything is okay before everyone starts to argue again. Surely if she gets A-Xian back, everyone will be smiling and forget their anger.
“It’s okay A-Cheng! Show me where he ran off to, we will find him.”
A-Cheng nods, sniffing, and she puts in his hand a warming talisman auntie made, earlier. He points direction, the forest behind the sect, the one his window has view on. His puppies follow, eager, as it is where they go for a walk usually. It doesn’t take long for A-Li to spot one of A-Xian’s shoes. It’s almost buried in the snow.
“A-Xian!” She screams. But everything is dark and gloomy and cold around. How will he be okay, without his shoes, she wonders? His tiny toes are going to freeze if they don’t hurry! She sees him nowhere. A-Cheng mimics her:
“A-Xian! I’m sorry! Come back!”
But still, no one answers. That’s when one of the puppies sniffs what A-Li is clutching and licks her fingers, whining. A-Cheng immediately reacts:
“Princess, you search! Search A-Xian!”
He trained them for it; well not technically to find A-Xian, more to avoid him, but they know his scent! So that should work. Princess is very good at finding things when he asks her. He notices, as she wags her tail, and feels that A-Xian’s kitten, wufa, is snuggled on her back too. A-Li takes her little brother’s hand and rushes behind, following the dogs. Princess leads them in a matter of minutes to the second shoe. She sits on her butt and barks proudly, while the kitten hops of her and starts to climb the nearest tree.
A-Cheng’s joy deflates and he takes the remaining shoe in a hurry, looking everywhere. There’s still no sight of A-Xian. Yet A-Li can’t help but notice how this one shoe has less snow and frost on it. That’s when she hears a whine above her head.
She looks up and sees A-Xian, curled around the trunk, his kitty already purring in his lap. He is shaking from head to toe, but no sound comes out of his mouth, his eyes focused on the dogs. A-Li’s fears and worries melt away, and despite the cold all her body feels is warm, as if she just dived into the river in the middle of summer. He is here, he is safe!
But also, he seems stuck, way too high to jump back down. It’s okay, it’s something they can deal with currently. She pokes A-Cheng’s shoulder and points up so he can stop worrying too. As soon as A-Cheng see his brother he barks:
“A-Xian!”
Which only makes A-Xian squeals:
“I’m so sorry! I’m going away! Take back your dogs! I’m sorry!”
He understands immediately, and with his whistle he orders his puppies to scatter, just before they do, he adds quickly;
“Fetch mother and father!”
He doesn’t know if the puppies understand, but that’s not very important right now. A-Li is trying to get A-Xian to relax, joking sweetly, like auntie would do:
“Should we buy you new shoes A-Xian? These ones are too big for you!”
“No it’s- it’s uncle’s gift, I like it…Don’t give it away!”He hiccups.
A-Cheng tries very hard to swallow his tears. He knows that father gave A-Xian new shoes because his parents are currently having trouble making money, because of the trial. Father explained that to himt; but still it stings that A-Xian got a gift. It stings that no one looked for A-Cheng while he cried in his room until he fell asleep, while everybody is looking for A-Xian now when he is safely stuck in a tree. But most of all, it stings that A-Xian tried to leave when A-Cheng chased him away.
“Why did you go?”
“A-Cheng…” Hushes A-Li, gently.
“You told me to!”
“But I didn’t mean it!” He cries. “I don’t want you to leave! You’re my brother, you can’t leave!”
“But you chased me with dogs!”
“I’m sorry! I won’t! I won’t anymore, I promise!”
He can’t say much more because there’s too much pressure on his throat and every word hurts, his vision is all too blurry. He wails, and he hears A-Xian wails too.
“I’m sorry you got punished because of me! I didn’t mean to!”
A-Li stands in the middle, wondering how to make things better. She opens her arms up:
“Get down A-Xian, let’s return home and eat lotus soup.”
“I can't, I'm stuck! It’s too high!”
“You climbed up! You can climb down!” Quotes A-Cheng, imitating uncle.
“No I can't!”
“XianXian I will catch you don’t worry…”
“You can’t! I’m too big!”
“I trained, I can catch you! I’m your big sister and XianXian is only three! I can do it!”
She can’t. When A-Xian crashes into her arms she falls on A-Cheng who twists his ankle trying to cushion them both. They all end up laying in the snow, A-Li surrounded by her two brothers, crying and apologizing and bickering all at the same time. It takes forever to put A-Cheng on her back and A-Xian’s shoes one. They get on their way home. They worry about her stamina, and how heavy they weigh, but she can barely feel it. All her strength is not used to make one more step, but to sooth them and finally calm them down.
“Where did you even want to go?” She whispers to A-Xian, as the boy sniffs. “Your parents are there...”
“I don’t know...It was stupid! I’m sorry! I was scared!”
“Yeah it was stupid! Your home is here!” Reminds him A-Cheng.
Just as he says that, their parents’ calls reach them. They ran to them, following the dogs. A-Xian immediately tenses up, and A-Cheng barks back:
“Sit!”
All his pets stop right dead on their track and obey their little master. Their parents however, do not, and rush to them. before they can understand what’s happening, they’re all wrapped in warm embraces. Words spinning around, both harsh and relieved at the same time: “Where were you? What were you thinking? What happened? Are you alright?”
A-Xian keeps his mouth shut, as he is checked from head to toe, his mother looking for any injury on him. Wei Changze glares at him:
“Talk A-Ying! Explain! You know you’re not allowed to go out by yourself!”
He is furious, even more furious than that day in the river, but A-Xian still shakes his head and doesn’t say anything. A-Cheng feels terrible, his ankle hurts but his heart hurts even more.
“Changze…” Mumbles Fengmian. “All that matter is that he is-”
“No!” Barks Yu Ziyuan. “No he has to understand he can’t do that now! Changze is right to scold him!”
It’s his mother’s voice, the way she speaks, that pushes A-Cheng to the edge, and he breaks into tears again, spilling everything. Adults just stare at him balling his eyes out, deadpanned, while both A-Li and A-Xian tries to take his defense:
“He didn’t really send dogs after me!” Assures A-Xian. “Don’t take his pets away!”
“He helped me find him!” Adds A-Li. “Don’t scold him!”
“Maybe, but let’s all do that inside, around a warm meal...As I said Mommy is very hungry right now...” Cangse Sanren tries to mediate, clutching her son close. “We have to also tell everyone they’re fine before they start to put my A-Ying’s face on every wall of the city…I mean I know he is the prettiest, but not all the world has to know!”
Her joke doesn’t make anyone laugh, not even her, but it melts their numbness away. That’s when they try to move on, they notice A-Li and A-Cheng’s condition, and the children have to deal with another wave of questions and worries. Which would have been all right if it didn’t hit too close to A-Cheng’s insecurities so soon:
“You don’t care!” He spits at his father. “You don’t call for me when I disappear! You call A-Xian only! You didn’t wake me up when A-Xian was lost! You let me cry all alone! You don’t care! You give A-Xian shoes and everything but-!”
“Oh no A-Cheng, I gave A-Xian shoes because his parents are short on money! You were sleeping in your room, I knew where you were, and I didn’t want you to worry, and I thought you needed re-”
“You don’t care!” Repeats A-Cheng louder. His mother tries to calm him down, and he barks:
“You too! You don’t care! No one cares!”
Least to say, the meal time does not go really well. Disciples and town people leave them alone, after making sure that everything is solved and they are left to face their own mistakes. A-Cheng and A-Xian end up passing out through their tears without eating much, developing a fever, and A-Li looks at her family with as much anger that her tiny body can gather. Her parents didn’t even know she was capable of such emotion…She refuses to let her little brothers go with an unfamiliar stubbornness, and they all end up sleeping together, hugging under the same blanket in the middle of the main hall, as their parents sulk in silence.
“Well...It seems we acted like children, and children had to act like adults in our stead.” Comments Cangse Sanren, unable to stand the atmosphere anymore.
She hides a nervous laugh, her face turning red from embarrassment. She really outdid herself this time; she knew that her mother’s instinct was bad since the night-hunt, but still, the violence of her panic still took her by surprise. It was the same as during the incense-burner-induced-nightmare. Nothing else mattered, as if every other thought vanished before reaching her brain. How do you get this under control?
“We are...under a lot of pressure.” Wei Changze simply analyzes. “We all are. And we’ve been for months now. It was inevitable for children to get affected by it…”
“It’s not an excuse, though.” Counters Jiang Fengmian, biting his lips. “I...I shouldn’t have…”
He looks at A-Cheng, remorseful. Yu Ziyuan is almost fuming with anger at this point.
“Yes you shouldn’t have! A-Xian is not your son!” But she immediately turns to Cangse Sanren and barks. “And A-Li is not your daughter either!”
That takes Cangse Sanren by surprise, but also hits a spot she didn’t know would hurt that much. As much as it hurts Yu Ziyuan right now, to see her daughter spend so much time with the woman so easily when every moment with her real mother is so hard won. It hurts as much as the glare that her little girl sends them all, angry at them for the first time when she is only smiles and kindness usually.
“Then what should i do exactly? Send her back when she comes and asks me for advice, telling her I can’t because her mother is jealous?”
“I’m not jealous!”
“You’re spitting vinegar right now! Should I add more spice to your dish too, so you can start spitting fire like a dragon?”
Both women stare, very angry at each other, and Jiang Fengmian tries to mediate:
“We all live under the same roof and work together, it’s inevitable that-”
“That what? That you love A-Xian more than A-Cheng?” Remarks Yu Ziyuan. “Is it because he is like me? and-”
Would he stop loving A-Li too, now that she showed him her anger too?
But she stops before she points her finger, even though they all can guess where her words were going, right now. Jiang Fengmian shakes his head:
“You know it’s not true! I-”
“Well now we know what we all did wrong.” Cuts Wei Changze. “We just have to learn from it.”
They all turn to him, and Cangse Sanren comes to the rescue of her husband, crossing her arms on her chest.
“Yeah! We’re lucky; everything ended up well. There’s no need to dwell anymore on it when everything is already over and all the water is spilled! Let’s use it to wash our mistakes instead.”
“What the heck is that expression…” Complains Yu Ziyuan.
“I will think of a schedule, so there’s always at least one of us who can watch over the three of them.” Starts Jiang Fengmian. “But…”
“And we will keep an eye on each other. Madam and Me will tell you when you favor one child over the other. And...you tell us when we are too...Harsh on them.”
Tension leaves Jiang Fengmian’s shoulders, and he takes a deep breath. But before he can say thank you, Cangse Sanren intervenes:
“There are things we can’t change. A-Li coming to see me... If we forbid her to do that just because I’m not her mother…”
“But you’re not!”
She looks at Yu Ziyuan, serious:
“She comes to see me, because I'm not. Because she feels she can’t say things to you…!”
“That’s absurd! She can tell me everything!” Protests Yu Ziyuan, and she wants it to be true, she tries for it to be true. But did she fail that too?
“No she can’t! Did you say everything to your mother? Did you share everything with your parents? Of course not, there are just things you just need to tell other people, people you just-” He voice cracks as she admits: “People whose opinion just means less to you!”
“As if you know! You’re parentless! You both are!”
She stops, hit by reality; Yu Ziyuan is right. She and Jiang Fengmian knew better, after all, they were raised by their parents. She did not. She is adopted. Wei Changze doesn’t remember the faces or the names of his family members either. But still, it felt right when she said it. Am I jealous like Yu Ziyuan? Am I acting like Jiang Fengmian, stealing one’s child because I can't have another? Because of some mothers' adrenaline like... But she also knows deep down that it’s not what they are doing, not their intention either.
“Maybe that’s for the better that we are,” growls Wei Changze. “Maybe it’s better to be parentless than having -” He stops right, choking on his words, and Yu Ziyuan jumps on the occasion:
“Well maybe if you had parents they would have teached you both some manners and we wouldn’t be here now!”
“My lady!” Protests Jiang Fengmian, distressed by the conflict and how it gets worse and worse every passing second.
“Well I’m trying my best with my kids!” Defends Yu Ziyuan. “Sorry it’s not enough!”
“It’s not our fault if we can!” Replies Cangse Sanren trembling.
“You lost your kid! Not only once, but twice ! Who is the better mother here, how dare you insinuate that-”
“Don’t talk to my wife like that,” counters Wei Changze staring at Yu Ziyuan, as she didn’t insult him as well.
“Don’t talk to mine like that either…” sends back Jiang Fengmian, a little calmer. “Let’s all take a deep breath and talk things through...Calmly.” He adds looking at his wife this time.
Why is parenting so hard? They can’t help but wonder. It should be easy, natural, instinctive. It should be nothing but happiness. But it’s so, so complicated. They are just pretending they know the right direction, all of them, but they’re just making this up as they go. They all wish they had a natural instinct, instruction somewhere buried deep inside their mind, that they could somehow dig up and start to follow because they’re not doing quite great right now. In the end, they spend two incense sticks talking, and bickering, agreeing and disagreeing without any solution. They talk about schedules, about sharing workloads, about their situations, dogs, training, everything that seems to be a problem. And in the middle of the night, after all that had happened; everything was a problem, apparently... Yet they find no solution and are forced to stop when A-Li wakes up, shaking from head to toe.
Nightmare! They think too late. What have they done again?! Why are they stuck inside this maze, and manage to always take the wrong turn? It has been so long since A-Ying’s condition posed any problem that they simply got lured into this illusion of security!
“Take your son away from ours kids!” Yells Yu Ziyuan.
Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian are by her side in a heartbeat, holding A-Cheng close as well, while Wei Changze holds A-Ying in his arms, protective. Cangse Sanren looks around, even though she knows that the monster can’t be seen anywhere. Her heart squeezes in pain.
If you really are my son...Why are you doing this? Can’t you see it’s already hard enough? I’m trying!
It seems that today, everything they do is wrong. She pats her son’s head and her husband’s back. If a glare could kill, Wei Changze would have killed Yu Ziyuan with the one he is sending her right now. She has to do something. But it’s Jiang Fengmian who talks first, before she can find a joke to say:
“We’re all tired…” He whispers. “Everything will be clearer tomorrow…”
She hopes he is right.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter, as we're bac on the main plot =D
Starting from this week there will be only 2 chapter per week, one on Tuesday and one on Friday. If i manage to refill my chapters stock i will go back to the old publishing pace but for now i really need to get over the couple of chapters i'm struggling with (i had a break through yesterday though so fingers crossed i will be able too)Next chapter will have a SURPRISE character. I wonder if anyone will guess who they will meet next... Clue : it's child.
Chapter 42: A new disciple
Notes:
Hello everyone !!
Thank you all so much for your kind comments each chapters, i'm very lucky to have readers as understanding as you are ^^Previous chapter summary --> Due to the stress accumulated the last few months, Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan scolded Jiang Cheng, which sent him crying in his room. Wei Ying tried to comfort his little brother, only to be rejected by him and scared by his dogs. He didn't come back before nigth fall, which of course sent the whole household into a turmoil. Fortunately A-Li and A-Cheng managed to find him while the audlt bickered and panicked. This did not resolve the problem, as the adults continued to argue throughout dinner, rejecting the fault upon the other, and falling back into their old bad habits. They did not think, when Jiang Yanli, Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying fell asleep together that it would lead the daughter of the Jiang to wake up after an awful nigthmare. And they also did not realize that their arguing would cause the little girl to get into a fierce protecting mode over her sibling ; refusing to share what she saw. In the end, all adults went to bed, hoping that a night rest would tame down their anger, anxiety, and well...Everything else.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A good night's rest does wonders, and it is indeed, easier to talk the very next day. Now that they have all calmed down and had the time to think things through, they meet again for breakfast with apologies. Those words are not only reserved to adults.
“Thank you for training your dogs so well, we found you, and you found A-Xian, thanks to them.” Jiang Fengmian says to his son.
The boys sniffs, oscillating between proudness and pain, when his father explains:
“I’m sorry you felt that way. But you have to understand A-Cheng, I do not love you less than A-Xian. You saw me giving him shoes, but who brought you the shoes you have on too? When a disciple doesn’t have the money for his shoes, I buy them some too. You see this as a gift, but it is not. There’s no need to be jealous. I am harsher on you, that’s true, than I am on A-Xian, and the reason I’m harsher on you is because I care more about your future. Because you’re going to be a Sect Leader and-”
“But he is not yet.” Wei Changze’s words are cold. “Stop using your father’s excuse. You used to hate it so much.”
Jiang Fengmian’s face turns grey. Not white, but grey. Cangse Sanren stares at her husband, puzzled. What are you doing? She wants to yell, she understands him being angry, she is also and thinks basically the same thing, but she is also determined to put this dispute behind them. It’s not worth starting a scene again when this one just got resolved! Yet, Wei Changze glares at his Sect Leader and Madam, determined.
“And sometimes apologies aren’t enough, especially when you say “sorry, but”.” He adds, looking especially at Yu Ziyuan: “It’s too easy to say sorry once the wrong is done.”
He leaves the hall, saying he has work to do in Yunping city. Cangse Sanren hesitates, then she looks at her friends, the children who are witnessing this conflict with scared eyes, and decides to stay. I will talk to him when he gets back. But for now she needs to disengage this sour mood right now!
“Ah, that might be my fault!” She laughs it off. “Don’t worry A-Ying. Daddy is not angry , angry . He is just very tired. I didn’t let him sleep last night!” She winks at Yu Ziyuan, trying to make her laugh because she looks about to explode.
The woman breathes in sharply, trembling with anger, but her husband’s distress is more important and she pats his shoulder until Jiang Fengmian manages to recompose himself. He sighs:
“No. He is right. Apologies are in order...But without actions, it’s meaningless.” He looks at A-Cheng and pats his head. “Learn this lesson too.”
A-Cheng nods, but he is still worried and stares at the door where his uncle disappeared.
“He should be the one giving apologies!” Yu Ziyuan still growls.
“Maybe he should, but so should we,” States Jiang Fengmian. “Do you hear yourself, my Lady?”
That makes her stop and reconsider.
They spend the rest of the morning in no better mood, trying to make A-Li talk about her nightmare; but the little girl refuses, she says nothing to her mother, and even less to Cangse Sanren. For a moment, they hesitate to tell her the naked truth: that what she saw might happen in the future and so they need it. But at the same time they don’t want to scare her even more.
“I just need to train.” A-Li says. “and become stronger.”
She takes her little brothers’ hands and exits the hall with them, more determined than ever. And the adults here realize how yesterday’s event changed things. They don’t know yet if they like it.
“We just need to get our equilibrium back.” says Jiang Fengmian, unsure. He takes a deep breath in and holds his wife’s hand, squeezes it. “Just...let’s give everyone more time.”
Yu Ziyuan scowls, and Cangse Sanren tries to make them both smile:
“Aw come on, for once, he is not the one asking for it!” She turns to her best friend: “I’m sorry for Changze’s behavior. I will talk to him. In the meantime, let’s just do our thing, and duel this anger away, shall we?”
Yu Ziyuan frowns at her words, but she mutters something that almost sound like a “okay.” It’s the first time Cangse Sanren has to do such a thing, it feels weird. Wei Changze is usually the one doing damage control for her mistakes.
“It’s okay. I know he doesn’t forgive easily. And he is very tired. I might have asked too much of him lately.” Concedes Jiang Fengmian.
“We’re all tired!” Contests Yu Ziyuan. But she pauses, avoiding their gazes for a short moment. “But...I shouldn't have yelled at you yesterday, nor told you that because you were parentless your words didn’t count. I hit where it hurt the most and I shouldn't have.”
“I shouldn’t have said you were not good enough either,” admits Cangse Sanren.
She wants to say that she didn’t mean it, but at the moment, she did, she really did. She had been jealous and proud that A-Li chose her over her own mother, and she really shouldn’t have been. She is not the little girl’s mother. Yu Ziyuan is. She would hate it if A-Ying started to act with Yu Ziyuan as if she was his mother. They really need to remember their places, it’s not because they all live under the same roof that they share their roles and identities.
“Telling you to take away your son like he was...some disease. That was wrong too,” Yu Ziyuan adds. “Tell him I regret that.”
Cangse Sanren didn’t realize she needed to know that too until now, but now she does, as she lets out a sigh she didn’t know she was holding. She sees Jiang Fengmian do the same, and his thumbs pass over Zidian on his wife’s finger.
“Thank you. I will.” She promises.
“And teach your kid to behave. No more running away. ”
Cangse Sanren laughs, and promises that to. Jiang Fengmian lets out a relieved sigh, but his lips are still nothing but a thin line for the rest of the meal. World doesn’t wait for them despite yesterday’s event, they all have work, responsibilities, and duties to fulfill. Jiang Fengmian returns to take care of his disciples, and is amazed to find A-Li so serious under his guidance. He will soon have to do some research about dual wielding sword moves, a month with the rogue cultivator was not enough for him to master the fighting style and his daughter looks determined to learn more. Yu Ziyuan continues to handle the servants and dispatch them accordingly to finish the last preparations for the upcoming conference...And Cangse Sanren takes A-Cheng and A-Ying to her workshop, on babysitting duty. They had a tacit agreement before, about always letting an adult out of the four of them be in charge; but it was never something clearly written and organized. Jiang Fengmian decided that after yesterday's fiasco, they needed it. Yet he wants to wait for Wei Changze to return to put him in charge of that, as he is better than him for this kind of work. Cangse Sanren thinks of her husband. She hopes he is okay. It’s the first time since she met him that she finds him so stressed, and to her utter shame, she doesn’t know what to do to relieve him. She is beginning to be clearly aware that, sometimes, love is not enough. She hugs her son and A-Cheng in her arms, trying to convince herself that it still helps a little bit.
“No hug!” Protests A-Cheng with a frown, like some cat rubbed the wrong way, as if to further deny her point.
***
Wei Changze, on the other hand, thinks he is doing pretty well. The anger settles in his guts, cold. It’s easy to ignore, soon he will forget it. Only the pain, he thinks. He will not forget the events, he will learn from it. That’s how you survive, you swallow the emotions down. You decide what you can forgive and what you cannot. He can forgive Fengmian for favoring his son by accident, if he acts upon it from now on. It’s his fault to begin with after all; Wei Changze put them in the precarious money situation that led his Sect Leader to take care of their needs when he didn’t have to. Wei Changze will find it in himself to be cordial with Yu Ziyuan; but he will always remember how, the moment it got complicated, she rejected A-Ying like he was a deadly contagion. She whipped him in the future! He will not let her do that a second time. She told him to give his life for her son in the future! He will not trust her with her son anymore.
You can’t do that. She’s Fengmian’s wife, and he loves her. His mind whispers to him.
So what? No one will ever know what he is truly thinking then, not even Fengmian. Simple solution. Every servant learns to hide their mistrust. He hid pretty well how much he hated Fengmian’s father to his friend during all their childhood. It’s not that hard. He doesn’t hate Yu Ziyuan, to some extent he even understands her actions, he just decides she can’t be reliable anymore. It will be easier to hide his true opinion.
It’s just a matter of survival. It’s just being logical and planning for the future events too. He has to be ready; if the dream is true, she might whip his son in the future. Jiang Fengmain can give her his trust, and as many chances as he wants, he is an adult. But Wei Changze is not going to let his family get hurt because he trusted people could change when they possibly cannot.
I’m not angry at her, he repeats, I'm just wary, given the circumstances, and I'm judging that her worth as an ally is bad. As bad as a stranger’s.
Something scratches at the back of his brain, and he remembers thinking the same, once. But he refuses to acknowledge when. They’re not worth it. They’re not worth your pain, they’re not worth your anger. Don’t give that to them! Protect yourself from it.
He focuses on his job, to stop thinking. There is still a lot left to do; inns are all reserved, but buildings that will host servants are not all ready. There is also the event that is planned on the river; they ordered a lot of bamboo and lotus figurines to sell, that he needs to retrieve and place. They’re lucky the river is too deep to freeze despite the weather, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have to make accommodations to be sure the hunt can still be held. The water ghouls are captured and sealed for now, but he has to check the seals to make sure none escape and cause any harm to civilians too.
“Excuse me, sir?”
A tiny hand pulls his sleeve as he goes through the main avenue, lost deep in thoughts. His eyes fall on a young boy, around the same age as A-Li. Maybe a little bit younger, he is tiny and frail. But it might just be because he is malnourished too. He is clutching against his chest books and stares at Wei Changze with fear in his eyes. As if he is scared to be rejected. It’s the look that makes Wei Changze stop and kneel down, so they can be at the same eye level.
“Yes?”
The boy gulps down, but his features soften into a shy expression.
“Is it true that you’re a cultivator?” He asks eagerly.
Wei Changze reads the title of the books the boy guards in his arms, like treasures. He has seen those often, during his travel with his family. Those are cultivation books written for common people; a bunch of lies and myths presented as truth and instruction to become an immortal. Cangse Sanren often wondered why cultivators didn’t get rid of such nonsense and forbid it to spread, replacing it with truth. His wonderful, naive wife. The answer is simple though: because it’s convenient for them, it comforts them in the lie they tell themselves everyday; that they are superior, chosen, and that cultivators are special, that no common people can learn and become one. And as long as fake knowledge and instructions are there for commoners while the rich class has access to the truth, they are proven right.
Maybe Wei Changze is still a bit pissed. Maybe he is still a bit angry. Not at Jiang Fengmian, or Yu Ziyuan or even his wife. But in general. At the society. Because when he looks back at the boy, he answers:
“Yes I am. Do you want to become one too?”
The boy’s eyes light up and his mouth opens agap. Wei Changze smiles, not for the right reasons, he is aware. But he is also aware that if they want to defend Lotus Pier, they need more disciples, so it balances things out, he supposes.
The boy’s name is Meng Yao, he learns afterward. As he continues his duty, the little boy follows him and helps. Despite his question when they met, this little one knew Wei Changze. He knew he was a cultivator, even knew he was the right hand man of the local Sect, and…
“Is it true that you are a servant, but that you’re now the Sect leader’s sworn brother?” He asks again, enthusiastic.
“It’s true.” He answers.
“How did you do it?”
Ah. So this little one has ambition, ambition to elevate himself beyond his station. It never ends well, Wei Changze is afraid, the only reason he managed to do so is out of luck...And because people in power are able to evaluate their subordinates’ potential. Pride and ambition, especially inside a servant’s heart, are deadly. And so masters are especially wary of those traits; once Jiang Fengmian’s father summoned Wei Changze to make sure he wasn’t taking advantage of his son, to dissuade him and reminds him of his place...And well...Wei Changze is lucky to have many flaws, but not those ones. The previous Sect Leader had deemed him worthy, or at the very least threatless to his heir.
Jiang Fengmian had been such a great friend back then; Wei Changze had seen how his father’s trials disappointed him, how sad he was to see the servant boy treated that way. His friend tried to fight the treatment he found unfair , he asked for Wei Changze to follow him to his first night-hunts, to prove to his father that he trusted Wei Changze, and Wei Changze made sure to never fail guarding Jiang Fengmian.
The previous Sect leader found this funny; how his son naively tried to take a side, and Wei Changze still remembered his words, when Jiang Fengmian affirmed that his friend was loyal and would give away his life for the sect.
“Then, let’s prove it. Make him your poison taster! That way he can prove it everyday.”
Jiang Fengmian had turned white. He apologized to Wei changze so many times, but all Wei Changze answered was that, now, thanks to his father, they could spend their meals together without needing an excuse. Which was the truth. Besides he’d rather prove his loyalty that way than going back and forth, obeying his families every whim, bringing wine to the dying grandfather or celebrating the massacre of a rival clan, or moving the furniture left and right according to the lady’s will. That was way more concrete, and something he actually wanted to do. Jiang Fengmian hadn’t lied; Wie Changze did want to protect his friend above everything else. Yet, after that, Wei Changze told Jiang Fengmian to not meddle in it, as it was evident now that it would only have the opposite effect. And Jiang Fengmian listened, he bore the treatment in silence until the previous sect leader decided he had enough proof. Maybe it was also due to the rumors: starting the moment that people from the town started to talk about their duo as cultivators. They called him the pride of Yunmeng. The sect leader’s doubts had hurt for a while, but they both survived it, passed the trial and came out of this stronger, closer. Not just friends but Best friends.
“I was lucky enough to find someone worth my trust and who trusts me back equally. Someone who would never use his position against me, because we are friends first.” Wei Changze explains to Meng Yao, today.
Jiang Fengmian, despite yesterday’s events, is such a person. He has no doubt that he listened to Wei Changze’s words this morning, just like he did back then, and took it as advice. Even though he should not, Wei Changze was insolent and harsh, provocative even. He can see it now. Wei Changze is not as kind or good as Jiang Fengmian, he uses his position as a friend to do things he would not allow himself to do to other masters. I will apologize when I come back . He thinks of his friend’s words and his own. Maybe he should listen to it too. It seems only fair. Sometimes...Sometimes it’s difficult to be a good friend and advisor. He should rely on Jiang Fengmian and believe in everything he does, but his job is also to have enough distance to be able to discern when he is doing wrong and tell him before it destroys them. He wonders, briefly, if sometimes, Jiang Fengmian also encounters such difficulties, knowing that one order from him would be enough to put Wei Changze back in his rightful place. The fact that he never did that shows how much of a greater friend he is compared to Wei Changze.
Balance is the key. Yet finding equilibrium is hard to achieve.
Meng Yao takes his words seriously. He is, surprisingly, very efficient during the day. Always where Wei Changze needs him to be, out of sight or close, and never complain when they carry dozens of paper puppets from one place to another. Even when Wei Changze has to go through the river, to put down the traps, he has to tell the little boy to get back to the shore.
“I don’t need you for this, you’ll catch a cold.”
“But…” He protests, water already at knee level, his teeth shattering.
“I won’t reject you the moment I don’t need you anymore.” He says, because he knows what the kid is fearing right now. He had felt it too. He still does sometimes.
That manages to convince Meng Yao, and he waits for him on a rock nearby, reading his book with an intense focus.
“Isn’t your teacher worried about your whereabouts?” Inquires Wei Changze when he comes back.
Despite his looks, he wears fine clothes, and the books he is carrying show that he is educated enough to know how to read it. So why is he there? Tutelage is expensive, surely, his parents would not be happy to learn he is not going, and if he wants to be a disciple in the sect, they will need his parents’ authorization. It’s unwise to anger them before even meeting them.
Meng Yao has the decency to look down, embarrassed.
“I don’t have a teacher. I tried to go to some lessons an old man gave in the neighborhood but...”
Wei Changze frowns.
“But?”
“He chased me,” he hesitates, pulling his sleeve down to hide something, if Wei Changze is right, probably bruises. Something tells him the school teacher did ask for help to make sure the kid wouldn't come back.
“Why? Did you cause troubles?”
“N-No!” He hesitates, but then he lifts up his chin, proudly, and says, cocky: “He said he won’t teach the son of a prostitute, that’s why. I didn't cause any problems I swear!”
And as he seems to realize what he said, he abruptly corrects it, stammering: “B-But I know how to read, Mother is the one teaching me when she has time!”
Oh gods. That is going to be troublesome, Wei Changze knows. But as this little boy holds his gaze, silently defying to meet with them, he finds out that he can’t. He can’t do that. Maybe he spent too many years with Cangse Sanren, and his wife’s rebellion is contagious, but it makes him want to help. Even though he knows he doesn’t have time right now, that he has already too much work, too much things to do.
But if I’m not helping this one, who will?
Maybe he has some pride; since he dares to think he is the only one around here to be able to care for such a child’s future. Wei Changze prefers to think he mistrusts the world, though. It is never kind toward people like Meng Yao, like him. People whose worth is determined at birth, whose value depends on their parent’s-
He stops and shakes his head, scattering the thought.
“Well, it’s good you didn’t go to that old man’s lesson then,” he says to Meng Yao, “Given how stupid he acted he probably needs more schooling than you do. Don’t worry, once you become a Sect disciple; you’ll get education too.”
Meng Yao’s face falls then rises again, he presses his book against his chest tighter.
“Really?”
“Really. I have to go back to the Sect and talk to my leader about you. But I will be back tomorrow to fetch you if he accepts.”
“R..Really?” Meng Yao looks a little bit disappointed, suspicious even. Wei Changze can guess what sets him off:
“I’m sure my Leader will have no objection, despite your birth. After all he is the one who accepted me in.”
Wei Changze returns home carrying a little boy’s hopes and dreams, but also with a map pointing out the brothel he currently lives in. He acknowledges Yu Ziyuan’s presence in the courtyard with a nod, and goes straight to the field where his friend should be training the disciples still. He waits for him to finish in the background, silent, his position perfectly docile.
“Don’t do that, please.” Immediately says Jiang Fengmian, as he walks and stops next to him, still overseeing the training.
“Do what?”
“Acting as if you’re scared of me and my decisions.”
Wei Changze breathes in and lets his shoulders relax.
“I am not scared of you. Never. But I have a unusual request.”
Jiang Fengmian tenses up.
“Don’t do that, please.” Wei Changze smiles, despite his heart squeezing inside his chest.
“Do what?”
“Acting as if you’re afraid I will run away. I won't leave simply because I’m angry. And i'm in the wrong, here.”
Jiang Fengmian’s tension drops, and he scoffs:
“I am though…It seems we...It seems the wound is still there.”
“Some wounds never heal. I’m sorry I inflicted this one on you.”
He really, really is. He wishes he could show him how much it pains him, so his friend could understand to what extent he is sorry. But he keeps it inside, as he already hurt Jiang Fengmian enough. It is his punishment to feel so hollow, a rightful punishment for his act.
“Why?”
Wei Changze blinks at Fengmian’s question. His sect leader clarifies:
“Why did you leave, back then? You’ve...You’ve never given me an explanation. Not even in letters...Cangse Sanren did, but you...”He shakes his head. “My lady says I allow your every whim because I'm scared you’ll leave again, and I'm afraid she is right. Maybe...maybe if I knew what made you leave last time, I would...I would be a better sect leader.”
“I eloped?” Tries Wei Changze.
Wei changze isn’t sure the reason is clear to him too, unfortunately. The truth is, he doesn’t know why. Can he really pinpoint one reason and says “this, this is the one” when he felt so lost back then, overwhelmed by plenty?
Maybe because he had been tired of proving himself, always, to everyone, and that Cangse Sanren offered him a life of travel where no one would ever know his name, where no one would judge him over his birth, where they could just disappear together. So he ran away into the wilderness, sick of society.
Maybe because he spotted the previous Sect Leader’s marks of the curse on his skin and realized that it was suddenly real, that the man would die and Jiang Fengmian would take the title and expect Wei Changze to be the right hand man like they promised. And because Wei Changze didn’t feel ready for it ; he ran away from his responsibilities.
Maybe because he thought he could be happy- if he built a family, proving to himself that he could have what people craved for and defined as the paragon of happiness and finally be happy like them. So he ran away, chasing after what he wanted to be.
Maybe because one day he realized that, if he had to choose between Jiang Fengmian or Cangse Sanren, Wei Changze would no longer protect his sect leader. It frightened his old self, after battling so long to earn Jiang Fengmian’s father’s trust. He understood he didn’t deserve his place besides his friend anymore. That his loyalty was disgustedly changing. That he fell in love with the same woman as his friend and didn’t want to give her to him. So he ran away before they could see it, before his friend discovered the extent of the betrayal. Before his friend could dispose of him first. Better leave than be rejected again.
There’s so many answers, even one he doesn’t want to think about right now, but it can be captured with one sentence: he acted like a coward.
Lot of people say Jiang Fengmian is a coward, but the truth is Wei Changze is more so than him. And Wei Changze dreads the day, Yu Ziyuan with her hawk-eyes for weakness, will see through him, spot it where he tries to hide it so well and points it out to her husband. And that day, Jiang Fengmian will not be blinded by their bond anymore and see it, and he will hate his friend for it just as much as Wei Changze does. But unlike Wei Changze, Jiang Fengmian will not be able to push this hate in the back of his mind and acknowledge it and ignore it at the same time. It will just hurt and strain their relationship forever; making him unable to trust his best friend.
Because why would he?
Wei Changze loves Cangse Sanren, but he won’t deny that she offered him a way out and he liked it. Despite the fact that he had promises and plans with Jiang Fengmian, he still ran away. And even though his words are worth nothing after what he had done, after breaking his last vows, he still promises, because all he can do, hope , is that he will do better this time:
“I stand by what I said this morning, this will never happen again Fengmian. I’m sorry I left you back then but I won’t ever again.”
It’s very hypocritical of him, to act that way. He doesn’t believe in second chances, he doesn’t believe people like Yu Ziyuan or him can change. But he knows Jiang Fengmian does. And he uses it. He uses his friend, all the time. He is disgusting.
“You left the hall this morning…” Mumbles Jiang Fengmian.
“I didn't want to snap at any of you. But I came back. I...I will always come back.” He still says, because he is very afraid to lose him, and his home, and his trust, and everything.
He wants to mean it this time. He wants to prove himself worthy again and face back all he ran away from before. He wants to stop being disappointed by his own person. So he tries:
“What did I miss?”
Jiang Fengmian looks hesitant for a moment. Then he sighs and relays what happened to him, and his wife’s apologies. For a moment, a short moment, Wei Changze’s cold anger burns again. So what? I will forgive her if she proves to me she will not reject A-Ying like that ever again. Before he put it to rest, his face expressionless. Yes. That’s what I will do, accept her back, be good and cordial with her as I must, take what she has good to offer but...Not trusting her ever again until she proves her worth to me. She can rely on me. I don’t mind, it’s my duty, I will do it because i don’t want to hurt her, or Fengmian by not being loyal to her. But that doesn’t mean I have to feel the same toward her. That’s good. No one has to know what I think as long as I act like I should. That seems wise. And my opinion would only hurt them all, so what’s the point of sharing it, anyways, no one will make me change my mind. I will do just as usual. He can work with that.
So why does he not feel at peace like he usually does? He doesn’t understand.
Anyways, he doesn’t have time to dwell on that and his upcoming headache. He goes straight to the point this time and explains his friend his request. Jiang Fengmian’s mouth thins.
“I know I asked you to look for new disciples to recruit but...This...is going to be complicated, given his birth. Are you sure he has the gift for it?”
“He is working hard, for what I could gather. And also,” He stops, Meng Yao did try to convince him of his talent throughout the whole day, he admitted that his father is a cultivator too and the reason why he wandered around in the main avenue was to find a good spot to see him the day of the conference. It is not Wei Changze’s secret though, and so not his right to share it. Yet with the conference approaching, if Meng Yao gets into the Sect, this will get out eventually. So he sums it up.
“It doesn’t change the fact that he might not just have the talent...Let’s...Let’s try, okay? He can stay a couple of weeks and if it works out well, he will be accepted. If his core is developing well, maybe. If his father is there during the conference, he might want him back too.”
That seems like a good plan, Wei Changze has no objection, as long as the boy gets a chance for a better life, he doesn’t really mind.
“That leaves the problem of his birth…” Still whispers Jiang Fengmian.
He knows his friend is not one to judge over this matter, so he probably worries more about how his disciples will treat the boy, and rumors. Maybe even how Yu Ziyuan will take it. He leaves that matter to him; it’s his wife. But…
“I have an idea for that, I would like to borrow your wife’s method.”
“What do you mean?”
“Brutal honesty and threats.”
Jiang Fengmian blinks.
“The word will get out, there is no denying it. There will be rumors, and I’m afraid that simply standing by and giving him unwavering support might...Not be possible given our current situation.”
They are too busy for such tedious and vigilant work to be done. So there’s only this way that remains. It’s not a bad one, It works. As much as he is angry at Yu Ziyuan he won’t deny her rights. He just won’t forget her wrongs, ever.
Wei Changze tells his Sect leader what he has in mind, and after a thought, Jiang Fengmian agrees.
“Will I see you tonight at meal? We...We still need to talk over what happened.”
“What there is to talk about? You have treat your own children more fairly, Cangse has to let A-Li spend time with her mother too, your Lady has to care for her children instead of looking for another, and I…”
He stops and gulps.
“I get my mind back in the right place, calm myself and...I make sure everything works.”
“No Changze. We make sure everything works. Together. Equilibrium won’t be found like this. We had the proof yesterday, it will not be achieved naturally, it needs work and care and efforts...”
Wei Changze’s eyebrows twitches. When...When did you get so wise, Jiang Fengmian? he thinks. Then he stops and reconsiders. When did I get so full of myself, when I did nothing but make mistakes since I barged into your life? He sighs, his chest getting warmer while his heart grows heavier still. He is proud of his friend: who, despite his obvious distress and exhaustion, still seeks confrontation against his nature, while he just...he just pouted. What he said to Meng Yao rings inside him: someone he trusts, and who trusts him back equally. He stops Jiang Fengmian from doing stupid things sometimes, as his advisor, but the opposite is also true.
“You’re right. Of course. I will be there.”
“Changze…” Jiang Fengmian calls him as he goes.
“Yes?”
Jiang Fengmian hesitates, and then finally shakes his head. Wei Changze is wrong; Jiang Fengmian does struggle to find equilibrium between friendship and superior, sometimes. Between being a supportive friend, and a good one too. This is one of those times. He can see how his advisor is tired and tense, and how the past months weigh on his shoulders. How do you say to someone you care that he is running at top speed right into a wall without hurting him? Without being rejected? Without making them press faster and worsen the crash? He doesn’t know. He really doesn’t. And he can’t help but think that giving Wei Changze a rest day would be worse, sending him into one of his moods. So he says:
“Never mind.”
He doesn’t have a good solution, so he will wait until a better one arises, he supposes. He decides to trust his friend and tries to convince himself that, if Wei Changze is making a mistake, maybe it’s one he has to make to learn from it. That his friend knows more about his own limits than Jiang Fengmian does and is wise enough to stop himself. After all, he is his adviser, is he not?
“Okay. See you at dinner then. I will go prepare the bow and arrows we need for the conference.” Wei Changze says before he leaves for good this one.
The meal goes a little bit better than the last one, and children start to play again, signalling that they can feel the tension leaving too. Cangse Sanren spent the whole day looking after them apparently; together they built a “fort” so they could play inside and hide if they feel bad again, a smart way to tell them where to go if a problem like yesterday arises again. Of course A-Ying still gets scolded for running away, and A-Cheng too, despite his good deed at the end, for using his brother’s fear against him first. But he is also congratulated on his “pet cultivation” and how well trained his puppies are equally. And in the middle of it, he can see Yu Ziyuan take her daughter aside and hear her saying:
“A-Li...Know that you can tell me everything. But...if you don’t want to...Then tell your father. Or Cangse Sanren, or even Wei Changze. Just...Don’t keep this nightmare inside you. It’s more dangerous than you think. Your safety is what matter the most.”
Jiang Yanli doesn’t answer though. Wei Changze focuses on his duty to divide the month days so that every parent gets to watch after their own kid the exact same amount of time, under Jiang Fengmian’s wishes. Then, once it’s done and all of them seem to agree on it, he lets them...be parents of their own children, while he focuses on the one he has. The one he truly has to take care of right now, even if he likes A-Li and A-Cheng a lot.
“Where did you even want to go?” He asks A-Ying, as he puts him to bed, tonight. “Where did you want to run off?”
A-Ying yawns, and he fears his answer. Please don’t say you’re running from yourself, from home, from me, from existing... There are many things he would be proud to have given to his son, but not this, not this wound he never quite managed to heal. He understands Jiang Fengmian’s fear more accurately than he wishes. He is very afraid he would run away too.
“I...I think I wanted to go to Cloud Recesses…” Mumbles A-Ying. And Wei Changze blesses every god he knows, thanks them for sparing his baby from his father’s flaw.
“To see Lan Zhan?” Asks Cangse Sanren, patient.
“I miss him…” A-Ying nods, as he falls asleep.
“You’ll see him soon…” She promises giving him a goodnight kiss on the forehead. He barely moves, his eyes already closed.
Once they’re Cangse Sanren talks to him, and he admires her determination to make him laugh with the tiniest little details, how she tries and tries to get the words out of his throat. She tries to tell him Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian were sorry too, but he doesn’t listen because he knows they are already and it doesn’t make him feel better that they are sad. Quite the contrary. She even tries to tickle him. It doesn’t work, he doesn’t want to talk right now. He wants her to sleep so he can be alone with himself.
“I see you’re no fun tonight…” She reluctantly admits, when he doesn’t even smirk under her attack.
“Yeah sorry, I’m really tired.”
“It’s okay. If you’re tired, then sleep, I will protect your dreams from monsters.”
He eyes the incense burner she is building, since the last one had been sent back to Cloud Recesses with the Lan couple. It’s not done yet, she says, guessing where his thoughts are heading.
“It was not urgent so I delayed it.”
Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze no longer have the same nightmare, even when their son sleeps by their side. After their disastrous first try they tested it again; once. They shared a strange incense-induced-dreams, where Cangse Sanren could walk and Wei Changze was travelling on the road with their little family and friends, saving people they encountered without any Sect responsibility to handle. They never got dragged back to the tragic nighthunt; because they defeated the monster there, is Cangse Sanren’s current theory. It didn’t malfunction with them ever, but they didn’t want to try it with Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan until Cangse Sanren built her own incense burner. Because if something didn’t work on this one, she would be able to know how and why, then fix it while being in the dream with them. Unfortunately it takes a large amount of time and work- the artifact is complex to build to begin with, and in order to improve it, Cansge Sanren needs to understand it completely. And she had a lot of things to do, which were more urgent, and less dangerous, the past few months. Like all of them, she has been very busy.
“But with A-Li’s nightmare...I will have to get back to it.” She whispers.
He nods, approving her decision, and stays awake, while his wife falls asleep cuddling in his arms. He has a headache. His mind is restless, he wishes he could pierce his cranium and let all the thoughts and worries that keep him awake go away with bad blood. He can’t sleep. So he carefully works on his hand language for the Sect communication spell. Wei Changze comes up with a dozen new meanings, then he thinks about the Inn he needs to visit soon, and the rumors he has to check around the village, maybe check the Wen clan again too and this epidemic they’re facing...before finally succumbing to sleep. He dreams of an old place he doesn’t want to remember, one that makes his chest ache. A place he once called home too. A place he doesn’t need, because the one he built is much better, and he is very afraid to return to this one. No one wants him here. So he pushes it away and forgets once again. He will do so for as long as he can. But he is getting tired.
Notes:
My beta-Reader, Fraudulent_Moose started #getWCZthereapy2020. He is right about that xD
Also, no one expected the SPANISH INQUI- *gets kicked* ...i mean Meng Yao! He grew up in Yunmeng brother though =o Ahahha i wonder what are your thoughts on it, as you can see in my tag, i'm planning to have him live and have his own happy ending, but i'm curious about what you expect for him in this story =) (Probably because it gave me a lot of troubles to figure out what to do with him until i found a way to tie his character's arc with the other...)
*jut realized chapters are getting 10-15 pages long...*
Curse : Soon it will be15-20 pages long, and then before you know it it will be 80 pages long chapters because that's how it ALWAYS ENDS WITH YOU.
me *fighting her writer curse* NO! I will be back to 10 pages chapters èé I WILL FIGHT YOU DAMN CURSE!
curse : We have like 10 chapters to recycle, 70 pages long of draft you have to put in somewhere again. This is not going to HAPPEN. MWAHAHHAHA!
Chapter 43: Qi deviation
Notes:
Hello everyone! I hope you have a nice day. I'm afraid i'm about to ruin it, it is not an happy chapter =c
My beta-reader said it was more stressful that the incense burner chapter...(I apologize, this is not horror filled, but it might be stressful still) So i warn you all...
TRIGGER WARNING - Qi deviation....? If At any point you feel uncomfortable reading this chapter, don't hesitate to skip ; there will be a summary of this chapter in the next one, like usual. ^^
As a writer i want my readers to be surprised by my story, but as a reader who suffer too from stories that breaks my heart i also want my readers to feel safe reading my stories? So if you feel like i should had a tag to warn future readers, please don't hesitate to share, i won't laugh it off and will seriously consider adding it, i promise.
IfCujoWereSappho suggested this tag nicely : TRIGGER WARNING - Slow burn heavy anxiety spiraling into qi deviation ! Big thanks for their suggestion :DLast chapter summary --> While getting a night rest helped calm the mind after the fight, and apologies did ensue...The quatuor is still not back to what they used to be. Wei Changze was angry at Yu Ziyuan, and Jiang Fengmian was worried he would leave again. He did not, in fact he very much came back with a potential new disciple he had met in town : Meng Yao. The son of a Yunmeng prostitute whose father is a cultivator (though he did not get his name from them). Jiang Fengmian agreed to give the boy a chance to learn cultivation in his Sect despite his origins, and left Wei Changze's handle the problem regarding his "reputation". This is officially Meng Yao's first day in the sect...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Disciples are usually added to the training regimen without a word of introduction. Not this one. The last few days, Wei Changze used his work in Yunmeng as an excuse to meet Meng Yao again, while the other tried to find a new equilibrium as couple, friends and their uncle, aunt, mother or father roles. He participated sometimes, but his mind was elsewhere- and he had less work to do on this, they all admitted. So he focused on his goal and talked to Meng Yao’s mother. She obviously agreed, all too happy to have her son’s worth noticed, but made him promise that if the boy’s father recognized him, he would let him go. She did not give him the name of the man, though. Still, despite her enthusiasm and proudness, she showed evident concerns over her son’s...situation. Wei Changze assured her they were prepared to deal with it.
And even though he often lies, he doesn’t want this vow to turn into one.
That’s why he is taking the matter at hand. Cangse Sanren, of course, laughed, “If you wanted to adopt, you should have just told me so!” Jiang Fengmian gave him his support...and Yu Ziyuan at least didn’t openly show her disapproval, only commented “Maybe you should focus on the children we already have before starting to pick up strays,” but he simply stared back at her, his answer evident despite his silence “Ah, like you do with Zhao Zhuliu?” So they didn’t speak of it again, like two very responsible adults, and minded their own business. It was the current agreement; Wei couple and Jiang couple would not comment and hinder the other’s way of raising their kids.
(He saw how Jiang Fengmian caressed his lady’s back, as he brought her the news that today was the day Meng Yao arrived though).
Disciples gather in the courtyard, puzzled by the change in their routine; and they stare at the little boy who tries to be brave, half hidden behind Wei Changze’s legs. A-Cheng, A-Li and A-Ying blink a few times, but soon enough their lips curve upward, already seeing this new one as a potential comrade.
“This is Meng Yao. He is from Yunping, and starting today, he will be with us as a disciple, and will remain as such if he proves his worth,” Wei Changze starts, as he puts a hand on the boy’s shoulder.
He can feels the boy shivering, so he doesn’t let the time for the fear to settle and immediately drops the one little problem:
“He is the son of a prostitute.”
Meng Yao’s breath freezes and he gives a betrayed look to Wei Changze as the disciples gasp. A-Ying and A-Cheng look around, unsure of what this means and why everyone is so shocked, while A-Li puts her hands on her mouth. Good. Wei Changze doesn’t know much about healing arts, but he knows that it’s better to pierce an infected wound and let the bad energy flow out before it festers. That’s what he is doing.
“The first one I hear gossip about it, or torment Meng Yao for this reason because they think he does not deserve to be here,” resumes Wei Changze, unwavering. “I sell them to a brothel.”
The threat offends more than one, especially the older disciples:
“Ridiculous! As if the Sect leader would let you!”
Of Course, Jiang Fengmian would not; but he permitted Wei Changze to make them believe he would, and to scare them a lot, if one dared disobey, by dragging him in front of the brothel and knock them unconscious, so they could for a short moment, really get a taste of this fear. Because, if they fear to do that job so much, and struggle, how can they later admit it is something they can laugh at and mock? Aren’t they men? Surely, if women are willing to go there without crying, shouldn’t they act even more dignified? Wei Changze counts on that traumatizing experience. Jiang Fengmian...Less, but he is willing to give it a try if it’s just bluff.
“Sect Leader told me I could do as I see fit.” Answers Wei Changze, faking it, yet a little more angry than he should be. “I see fit that, whoever trashes a woman because she tries to make sure her son can eat everyday deserves to test out the job they mock so much, and see if they can endure it as well as she does.”
“That is not work!” Complains one of the disciples, angrily. “If she was a good mother she would find a real job! Like a seamstress!”
He doesn't’ know what happens next, the words go past his lips without him realizing:
“Who are you to judge that? At the very least It gives her enough money to feed her family. My mother drank all the money away and left us with-”
He chokes on his breath and doesn’t finish his sentence. No. Take that back! His mind screams. But too late, he heard it, everyone heard it. He can see Jiang Fengmian’s face, his eyes widened, and Yu Ziyuan’s scowl. Cangse Sanren isn’t here. He doesn’t know why he is glad she isn’t. Because everyone else is.
“Daddy?” Asks A-Ying, blinking.
“Go back to training. We...We’ll go for a jog first, follow me.” He says answers. “The introduction is over. Meng Yao, if anyone bothers you, you tell me. If anyone else sees someone bothering Meng Yao, he has to tell me too, I will punish those who just stand and watch. Is that clear?”
He claps Meng Yao’s back, pushing him to A-Li, and then he leaves. He doesn’t know where he is going, but he passes through Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian in a hurry.
“Changze, are you…”His friend whispers.
“Everything is okay Sect Leader. If you allow me, we need to go for a jog.” He says when, in fact he wants to say take it from me. The lie is easier, the docile speech comes naturally, especially since he is not sure what he wants his friend to take, the duty, the disciples, or the feeling that is clutching his chest right now?
He gulps and walks away faster. Disciples follow him hesitantly. Maybe he can outrun the memories, like he does with them, if he is fast enough. It’s a stupid thought, but his mind is filled with only stupid thoughts right now and he can’t stop. He feels restless, giddy, he needs to move and do something, busy himself. Get this back. Get this back! He orders. Why are you even there in the first place? Why now? There’s absolutely no trigger, no reason. He pushed this back behind the curtain for years, he can do it again before it bothers him. He can forget again. It’s his body, he is a cultivator, he has mastered his metabolism to the absolute limit. He can and he will push this damn truth back in the corner of his mind, bury it so it can never show its face again!
I don’t need you! I don’t want you!
But he can’t concentrate, and he finds himself pacing, running in circles around the sect, faster and faster. His heart beats too loud in his chest, there’s blood taste inside his mouth, and he can hear students complain in the background. They will know something is wrong. You have to stop. You can’t let them see.
So he does, and feels himself smiling as he turns to meet them. They still stare at him with their eyes wide, but soon after, they relax. Good. It means I can fake this, Wei Changze silently. If he can fake this, somehow, he will get better. Fake it until you make it. If outrunning the memory doesn’t work, he can probably erase it with enough effort. He succeeded once, after all.
“You did well. Now get some water and join me back in the meditation room, we will start core building exercises. Young mistress, Young master, A-Ying, show Meng Yao the way.”
But as he goes and sits to the meditation room, trying to clear his mind, Meng Yao joins him, and shyly asks:
“Is it true?”
No, Wei Changze wants to say. I’m joking, it’s a lie I made on the spot to fit the situation, what did it work? Did I fool you? But he can’t because he knows that this is the true lie. He doesn’t remember but he knows it’s the truth yet, how come? How can he be sure with absolutely no memory to back this up. Why is this happening right now? Why can't he deny it?
“Go sit with the others, and focus, you’re here to build a core.” He says instead to the boy.
Those who don’t need meditation and already have a formed core go to the courtyard, where they either split to learn archery with their Sect Leader, or do training regimens with their Madam. A-Ying and A-Cheng are unusually still, despite their young age and their inability to meditate quietly. A-Ying though doesn’t move and looks at his father with intense focus. It is unsettling. Don’t look at me, I'm invisible. I’m a ghost. Don’t look. So Wei Changze closes his eyes and focuses on his own meditation while he recites the precepts they all must learn, how the energy is supposed to flow and where they should feel it.
He doesn’t manage to do the same. His energy is...rebelling today. Hard to handle, like his flow of thoughts, like everything. He can’t focus. You never thought about that for years, he repeats himself, why start now? He decided to forget and put it behind him. It was a definitive decision, a wise one, the memory is gone. Gone. Gone! Gone! He pushes extra hard on his energy to make it yield as if it is the memory itself. He feels it curve and shrink on itself.
But the memory remains and it’s scratching at the back of his head. It plays a game of question and answer without his consent, are mother’s eyes black or grey? Grey. Definitely grey. Like Cangse Sanren’s. And he hates it because he can’t manage to stop it from happening. It’s giving him a hard time to focus on anything else. Focus! You forgot about that for twenty-five years or so, just do as usual. Like a word on the tip of a tongue, he can’t quite seize it but he feels the lack of it, the loss, and it...it..It’s disturbing. He can’t do as usual. He forgot what usual is like. He can’t focus. It’s scary. It’s his body, so why is it not obeying, surrendering to his will? How did he do it the first time?
He doesn’t remember.
But he remembers. He remembers his father, and the way he would hide the money, digging up the ground to put the coin purse inside the hole he’d made. The way he turns to him and says something unclear, an order, a wish? He isn’t sure, he doesn’t want to spend time wondering. He doesn’t remember the exact words but he is all too aware of the meaning; hide it, if she gets close while I work, dig it out and bury it elsewhere. You have to. Don’t let her find it.
Stop!
The energy comes to a halt.
Wei Changze stands up, and the disciples are startled. They gaze at him. It feels like they know, it feels like they all can see it. Some part of his brain reminds him they can’t; but it sounds more and more like a plea than a reminder. They can’t know! Don’t let them see! He doesn’t know he manages to stay calm and say to their face; “I will be back”, when his insides twist, when his brain burns, when his lungs are turning every breath into a storm. He needs...he just needs some fresh air, He decides.
Fresh air would do him good. Maybe the breeze can just...Take all of this away. I don’t need it. I’ve never needed it. I disregarded it to be happy. I’m happy most of the time. Don’t take that away from me.
He inhales deeply, yet so little air manages to get in, and so much more certitude flows into him. It’s not a flash, it would be easier, there’s no image, just knowledge. Cold and sharp. No doubt. He doesn’t feel sorry at the memory, he doesn’t feel sorry for his past self, at all. He tries to remember his past mindset, the lies he lulled himself to sleep with, the comforting words he repeated over and over again. You don’t need them. They sold you for your own good. You’re better off without them. It’s still true. So why...It’s stupid….So why is it so hard to accept...Why isn’t it working anymore? It’s stupid. It’s so stupid; why does it feel like he can’t be happy anymore? It doesn’t change anything; it’s over, it’s in the past, there’s nothing he can do, and he was happy this very morning. He is already the person he wants to be, surely, this memory can’t change him that much! Can’t change who he is! So why is the happiness gone when he wants it, but the memories here, when he doesn’t?
“Changze is everything okay?”
Cansge Sanren appears before him, flying on her sword. She looks a little white, and worried. It’s strange how her voice appeases him. How...She grounds him, when she is currently flying. It’s a stupid thought. Add it to the pile.
She comes close.
“Yu Ziyuan told me you’re…” She pauses, and her hand caresses his cheeks. “Are you okay?”
And all his life Wei Changze swallowed everything. When he had to run miles to get the old master Jiang his bottle of wine, his feet blistered. When he did chores, when he worked, he always thought; it’s alright, no one sees it, so I must be fine, I’m not sick enough to stop, I can still continue. I have to continue. If I’m not sick enough I can't stop. If I can still fake that I’m okay, then I don't have a good excuse, I have to continue. If you fail they’re going to leave you. They’re going to send you away. You’re not worth the trouble. You can’t let them discover that, you have to make yourself reliable, reliable enough so they will always want you. Don’t fall! Don’t show any weakness! Don’t let them see! Don’t let them understand you’re disposable! He repeated that over and over again until one day he broke, until one day he decided that it was better to leave them, making sure they will never discover how unreliable he was rather than being rejected because of it. But this time someone notices. This time he feels years and years of work and denial crumble and himself fall with it. It’s laughable! It’s so laughable how stupid the reason for this break is!
He needs to run away. Yet he can’t. He promised he would not. He promised Jiang Fengmian he would always return. But he promised Fengmian to never leave again. He already broke his vow once. He can’t do that again, he can’t be such an awful friend, an awful person again! He also promised he would take care of everything. He promised to protect his family. He promised he would not remember. I made too many promises I can’t keep them all. He wants to run away from everything. He wants to disappear and the world to come to a pause. Just a minute so he can breath.
That’s when he hears his clarity bell ringing. His eyes fall on the silver ornament tied to his belt, and he finds himself breathing again. It clears his mind for a short, really short moment. Is a ghost attempting to possess me? He almost wants to laugh as relief pour into him; that...That would be better. Let it be that. It’s not his memory then, it’s okay. He feels this way because it’s someone’s else, his defenses are still up; and that’s why his energy is…
But Cangse Sanren’s eyes widdens and without knowing she sweeps away his convenient lie:
“I think you’re receiving a message! Hurry to the pond!”
Startled, he finds himself obeying before he realizes what he is truly doing. He goes to the closest pond, while his wife follows him, flying on her sword, sending him worried glances here and there. He feels the pressure of her gaze in the back of his neck. It burns. She knows. She knows you’re not possessed, she knows you’re trying to find an excuse, she knows you’re hiding something. He tries to push away the paranoïa, because no , she can’t know. He can’t allow that to happen. No one must know.
As he lets the bell touch the water’s surface, a face appears. It takes him forever to identify it. It’s the woman who is in charge of the inn, the disciple’s mother. The disciple is by her side too, he is probably the one performing the spell. He knew he was sent there a couple of days ago so he could watch over the Wen Clan during the conference. Why…? Is something happening? The conference is still a week away.
Perfect! His mind claims. This would actually be perfect, if he has a good excuse to just go to the Inn; it would give him some time to recompose himself and get whatever this is under control. But what if you never get this under control? A part of his mind hisses. Then I'm never coming back. His chest hurts. I can’t; I promised to come back. It’s only temporary then. He will leave and help, people and himself, and come back.
Except that Wei Changze looks at the hand movements in the water reflection, unable to focus. Unable to read the language he made up himself. He tries, he really tries to focus, but no matter what his thoughts never come to an end. He blinks...And tries to ask for the lady to repeat her report again, only to end up looking at his own hands, trying to figure out the sign he has to make for asking that too. Does he have to show two fingers and...He remembered that when he came up with the sign he wanted it to be similar to a hand seal, so that stranger cultivators wouldn’t grow suspicious if they ever witnessed it by accident. He also remembers fingers full of dirt, and a hole in the ground.
Please. Please stop. Focus.
He can’t pretend like this. He can’t fail again, or they will get rid of him. He…
“Changze,” whispers Cangse Sanren, her hand brushing his shoulders. “Is…”
“Yes. I’m sorry, I have a headache. You know the bell-kind when every time you move your head or your eyes it echoes and hurts? Can...Can you decipher this for me?” He stammers.
She sends him a look, but turns her head to the reflection. She makes the sign he wanted to do. I knew it, he can’t help but think now. It looks so obvious now that he sees it. I knew it. Of course he knew it, he made that one up! Yet it’s something else he remembered each time he tried to grasp the meaning. Something he doesn’t want to know.
You knew all along, his mind screams and he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. No I didn't, he thinks, and forces his eyes open.
Cangse Sanren’s face turns white at his side, and for a moment, she hesitates, then nods to the woman and the disciple in the reflection, bowing as a thanks.
“There’s a problem in Dafan Mountain. One of the Wen living there arrived this morning at the Inn and asked for the Sect’s help, they were investigating the origin of a disease and things went awry.”
Wei Changze should definitely not feel happy people are in danger and dying. He is not a very great person like his wife and Jiang Fengmian though, and so he is. He thinks it’s perfect and great, because now he has to go there fast and help them. He has the perfect excuse to run away. Temporary, he reminds himself as his whole body hurts at the thought of fleeing.
“I’ll go and gather some disciples,” he says immediately, maybe a bit too fast. Cangse Sanren frowns at him and he definitely avoids his gaze when he unsheathes his sword.
It doesn’t expect his sword to fall flat on the ground with a loud “thud”. For a moment he stares at the blade, unable to proceed what’s happening at all.
“Ah...I’m not...My injured hand, I forget, sometimes…”
He doesn’t manage to finish his excuse, before Cangse Sanren takes his hands in hers. It’s trembling. When did it start? He ignores it. They don’t have time for that anyway ; people are dying. Wei Changze can’t let them die! They can’t let them die, surely she can’t expect him to stop? Not when she is usually the one rushing every time someone mildly suffering enters her field of vision!
He doesn’t want to stop and wonder why. He wants to run away as far as possible from his own mind. And if it makes him run away from everyone else in the process, then so be it.
“Changze,” Cangse Sanren repeats, a little more firmly despite her smile. “You are going to crash if you fly in this state. Don’t take my speciality from me. I’m the one who crashes into buildings.”
“I will not crash!” He protests.
And as a matter of fact, he will also not fly. He steps on his sword and the weapon does not take off at all. It doesn’t respond to his energy. It takes him forever to realize why. Ah. I halted the flow of spiritual energy in my body when I had meant to push the memory away. He doesn’t remember making the seal, but his memory isn’t that reliable right now...So of course he unleashes it again.
The next thing Wei Changze knows, is that he is on the ground, and his whole chest burns. His head is ringing. Is his bell…? Cangse Sanren enters his blurry vision field, looking panicked, but he can’t hear her at all. Some blurry figures are joining her side but he can’t remember their names. He remembers everything else. He can’t keep denying it.
“Changze! Oh gosh, what is happening to you? What’s wrong?”
What’s wrong?
He hears himself laugh, and yet he feels tears on his cheeks too. It’s so so stupid! It’s not even that bad! Nothing is wrong! It’s not worth feeling like this! It’s not worth telling! It’s so so stupid! To have put in this much effort to forget, to never ever think about it, when it’s really not that bad! Is this why he was always tired? Why he feels so tired? Because all his energy was spent on this nonsense, of this game of hide-and-definitely-not-seek with his own mind? Is that why his spiritual energy is going out of control right now?
He can barely feel his wife’s hands on him, and hears her whispers. He tries to look up and get this back into the void, to his brain, back. Back! I Say!
Everything burns so much.
His mother was a drunkard! Yes. So what? Many people have this. She never hit him to get her wine, his father never hit his wife either to make her stop. She just...Drank all their money away. So much that when she reached the very bottom of the bottle and realized that she didn’t have money to drink and feed her kids at the same time...She…
She decided that alcohol was more important. And Father let her; he said nothing and helped got rid of them, because somehow she was more important to him than them too. One by one his siblings were gone, and he hid himself in a corner trying to be invisible, hoping that maybe, just maybe they would not do that to him too.
It didn’t work, obviously. And Father? Or was it mother? The memory is a bit unclear on that part, dragged him out of his bed one night, pulled him on a carriage and they rode through the night until the landscape looked unfamiliar. Wei Changze’s memory is hazy at that, disconnected, he remembers having a package in his hand but not how he got it, or when he had time to wrap his belongings here. He remembers coming near the building and understanding what was going on, pleading again and again. No! No, I want to stay with you! Please don’t make me go! As he dragged his feet on the ground, tried to cling to everything that he saw. He promised he would be good, and they won’t ever see him there, he promised they would not have to take care of him as long as he is allowed to stay. He feels strangely detached from the boy in his memory.
Because surely, his adult self knows what he already knew, that it was for the better. That it was a good decision; the best they could take, because he would have starved with his parents. He would have died! This is the one good decision they made! It’s so stupid; it’s the one decision Wei Changze, young Wei Changze decided to forget still.
He doesn’t remember clearly what the boy said and pleaded, he gets the intent behind it: raw and old at the same time, he understands what the boy is feeling, but he doesn’t feel it, as much as he doesn’t recall the words he used. However he still hears again, with an absolute clarity what his parent said to him that day:
“Don’t even try to come back home. If you do, I'll sell you to a brothel! Do you understand?”
I said this too. I acted like them!
Wei Changze wants to forget again. To get it back. He will take his words back, find another solution to deal with meng Yao’s situation. Because he is not acting like them! Ever! Then he will forget again. Because it’s stupid and useless, and it changes nothing and everything at the same time. He is an adult, a father himself, he can’t afford to break like this! He doesn’t have time to deal with it now, it’s over anyways, he has better things to do than feel sorry for himself and someone who abandoned him for a cup of wine!
This is all I'm worth, a cup of wine... He thinks. It’s so stupid.
Yet the reality burns. It burns his eyes, throat, chest, it burns his whole body.
“Changze! Fengmian! Ziyuan I need your help! Br-Bring a doctor!” Cangse Sanren’s voice reaches him. But it’s far away. It’s like an echo. He can’t hear her over the mess of his thoughts. He needs to answer her, to comfort her, assure her it’s okay, and that he has to go help the Wen like he promised. That it’s stupid, she doesn’t have to worry, he will get this under control. Like he always does.
He just needs to close his eyes, one moment, to compose himself, take a deep breath and plaster a fake expression on his face, fake enough that no one can notice and he can still work. So he can be back again. So he can still think.
So he closes his eyes and everything goes black. All his thoughts come to a halt.
Notes:
Many of you pointed out that WCZ needed therapy asap, (including my dear beta-reader) and others said that the way WCZ copped wasn't healthy. You were all right about that point =x
Though a little bit of a nuance ; the fact that Wei Changze's way to cope isn't healthy doesn't make all his defense mecanisms inherantly bad. It helped him for a long time and it's just that it can no longer be of help now ; like a medicament you get used to it and is no longer useful.
Besides there's little control he has over the fact of repressed memories, it's uncounscious's works there. If you ever suffered from this kind of situation ; it's okay, you did your best with the weapons you had at this moment.
This whole chapter was both hard and easy to write for me ; as it is based very much of my own experience of having a repressed memory coming back like "HELLO" in the middle of my work day. (Don't worry it wasn't that bad xD i'm lucky enough to work with my family so i just went to my mother and went "ToT" like a baby, then back to work ! Because like Lan Juan said, crying do you good!) But Wei Changze is someone who lies all the time to keep things afloat especially for people not to notice his failures / short-coming / a problem. Plus it is very much worsened by the fact that QI exists in this world and that he is at risk for QI deviation because he was "saved" from death.
I tried to be faithful to the emotion of betrayal and the sensation of knowing yet not knowing already. Repressed memories are hard to handle i absolutely hate the way movies shows it (with flashes) but i'm aware it is very hard to convey via images only what it feels like. (at least for me).
Repressed memories worked like this for me : like you know there's something ; but it went with three stages 1) assume you forgot it like all other memories because do you remember a meal when you were 4? of course not, so why bother because you don't remember everything? 2) you forgot it for your own good, you're aware of it, you cling to the good happy memories and go "well don't need the rest" 3) you're aware that your mental health problems might actually come from this vaguely moments you're aware of but don't want to think about because you're scared of what you'll find out ; and it's okay you can handle your problems now, you're used to it, so why adding an old one you can do nothing about on top of it? 4) Unconscious goes like "oh crap she figured we hid something and doesn't want to know now 'kay it's time to come clean here have the little gremlin baby demon i kept repressed for 20 years"! Have fun." mind : thanks i hate it. *battle between the two occurs while the body is mostly trapped in between like "what's happening why am i feeling so much and yet nothing at all???? WHy can't i focus on my present?!*
--> I tried very much to have WCZ has such character arc with the beginning where he knows but it's like "yeah i don't remember it's okay" (no it's not) then "i don't remember it's my choice" (debatable but no, not really) then after the incense burner who triggered his unconscious self "i don't want to remember i don't need this" then "I will not remember i'm very scared of this" to well the last point.
I am aware that it can work different way for other people. If you want to share your experiences with me in a comment, please do, if it helps you ^^ Just don't negate my own experience by giving me your own (i know you're all awesome readers who won't do that, but i want to warn future readers i don't know yet that might)
I cannot say it enough : this fic has an happy ending, and everyone "lives" (You know since fierce conscious corpses are a thing in this universe...) This is the lowest point WCZ will reach and he will get better. I promise.
With that i wish you all a nice day and wish you all to remain safe =)
Chapter 44: Panic
Notes:
Hello everyone ^^
I hope you've all been doing well =D The chapter arriveso late tonight for two reasons : first i have lot of work xo Second, poor Faudulent_Moose corrected the chapter last night and then googledoc didn't save and he had to do it again...I hope this version is without typo ; if not i apologize xOThank you so much, by the way for the response for last chapter, i was overwhelmed by your kind words and comments, all of you were so worried for WCZ it was adorable (i was super scared before posting it to have comment like "why is he making a big deal for so little?" because you know tragic backstory are usually"they killed your family, and your cousins, and your pets in front of your very eyes")
Anyways, i'm glad you were all worried about him. I hope you'll like this chapter as well ^^
TRIGGER WARNING - medical emergency scene (and be prepared to have some medical bullshit talk in the future chapters)
Previous chapter summary --> It was the first day of Meng Yao in the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. Wei Changze had been determined to make it okay for him, not hesitating to threathen the disciples to fake-sell them to a brothel if they ever complained about the boy's origin. Unfortunately, as he introduced the boy, his words triggered something within Wei Changze, and repressed memories of his parents hit him at full force. While he tried to hide it and get over it, they received a distress message from their disciple in the Mo village region, claiming that the Wen of Dafan mountain needed help immediately. Wei changze, eager to run away from everything ; especially the memory of his alcoholic mother and the father who sold him and his sibling to continue to buy her wine, tried to go. Except that he didn't get his memory under control, nore his spiritual power. Worse ; his obstination to erase this memory once again affected his QI and sent him into QI deviation. Wei Changze collapsed into his wife's arms.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jiang Yanli wants to obey Wei Changze’s order to sit still. She is worried, of course, but the man looked almost okay, if a little bit impatient. She wants to believe he is fine; uncle is strong after all. He went through their morning jog like it was no problem, so...but then there’s a sudden, loud thud coming from outside the room and they hear auntie’s scream. A-Xian is the first one to stand up to his feet and run out, and she can’t stop herself from doing the same thing.
Outside, in the courtyard near the pond, Wei Changze is lying on the ground, bleeding from his ears and nose. Cangse Sanren trapped underneath his weight, screaming for help. Jiang Yanli’s blood freezes inside her veins. She rushes to her uncle's side, her thoughts a tangle of emotions and incoherent instructions. She doesn’t know what to do, despite everything she learned the past few months, she can’t remember any of it. She…
One look at Wei Changze’s pale face is enough for her mind to go all blank, and her body to tremble, shaken to the core. What should I do?
Luckily, Mother arrives with the Sect Doctor, and she can withdraw to the background. She puts her hands on A-Xian’s shoulders, and A-Cheng’s, and makes sure they stay out of the way so her mentor can work. It takes not even a second and a pulse-check of uncle’s wrist for the physician to declare:
“It’s a Qi deviation!”
The room goes silent for a short, very short moment that still feels like eternity. Then it erupts into chaos.
A-Li knows of course, what a Qi deviation is, in theory, but seeing it in practice is a whole new level of scary.
Everything's a blur, without any words of comfort, her mother’s twin maids carry uncle to the infirmary, while mother helps Cangse Sanren to get back on her sword, so she can go with them. The doctor shouts orders, and father repeats it, sends disciples left and right to get extra supplies they need now. Auntie takes A-Xian in her arms and flies to the infirmary with her husband and the doctor, but before she leaves, she asks A-Li and A-Cheng to keep an eye on Meng Yao;
“It’s his first day, it was important to Changze that everything went well, don’t let...Don’t let this ruin it!”
Her eyes fall and A-Li’s father and for a second they seem to look for one another, lost, as if they are not sure they’re real. Then Cangse Sanren frowns and adds:
“Fengmian there’s been a message from the Inn, the Wen, they asked for a rescue mission! Yu-”
“Just follow your husband! and let us handle this!” Barks mother.
Cangse Sanren stumbles, then nods before disappearing around the corner of the hallway.
Every disciple is shocked and stands, in disbelief, unable to process what is happening.
They all think that uncle is strong; and certainly he is, A-Li sees him fight and train along with him each day. She respects his strength. So of course she is shaken to see him down. But that isn’t what shocks her the most, after all she also saw him down before in a totally different way; when he spent all morning moping. What shocks her the most is that none of the adults here seem to remember that uncle is strong, as if thatdoesn’t count. As if Wei Changze is going to die, right now.
Then, they stop. The storm comes to a halt so fast that it’s as if nothing ever happened, that all the heavy rain, strong wind, and thunder they suffered is but an illusion.
Uncle’s condition is terrifying, yes, but her family’s reaction to it is worse, in A-Li’s opinion. She noticed the crack as soon as Wei Changze laid on the ground. The way her father’s face lost all color, how her mother stood like she had been struck by thunder, and panic, naked and true, without any spark of mischief, in auntie’s eyes. Yet, as soon as Wei Changze is out of sight with his family, they act as if everything is alright.
It’s so unsettling that for a moment, A-Li considers the possibility that she just dreamed it, that she will open her eyes and find herself in the meditation room, in Lotus pose, with uncle guiding the session, a little bit ashamed of her behavior.
But no. It really happened, even if no one but the disciples seem to acknowledge it.
Father takes charge of everything, he pulls together a rescue team, taking its lead and letting mother handle the training (especially calming them down)...They don’t show anything anymore, their faces blank.
A-Li finds this both very impressive and scary. She tries her best to do that too- since apparently it is what they are supposed to do?- and she smiles at Meng Yao, assuring him that everything is going to be okay, to reassure A-Cheng about uncle...But on the inside she feels so lost and afraid. One thought swirls inside her brain.
Is it because of the dream?
Mother said that it was dangerous, more dangerous than she thought and that was why she had to talk about it. A-Li isn’t deaf, nor stupid, she knows that her parents had some kind of dream too, before. They talk about it enough when they think kids are too busy playing to hear them. Is uncle sick because she kept her dream a secret?
She doesn’t understand how her nightmare could’ve caused anything, but surely, cultivation is complicated and she doesn't’ quite get how Qi Deviation works either.
So is it her fault?
She stresses over the rest of the day, and heads to the infirmary once the night has fallen and the day is over, but she is chased away by the doctor who says that the first night will be critical. Auntie says she is sorry, but they can’t get in to see him, not even cracking a joke. Mother forbid anyone to get even close to the place.
Somehow that’s when she realizes that maybe uncle is dying. A-Xian is curled up in the hallway, and A-Cheng is starting to hold on to his tears. She isn’t sure she can stay strong if they cry too, so she panics and takes both of their hands, dragging them into the kitchen with her. She will do like they do with uncle usually- the thought hurts -and keep their mind busy so they can’t be sad!
“Let’s make uncle something to heal him!” She states.
Her little brothers follow her instructions like they are barely there, usually A-Cheng complains about cooking, and she has to keep an eye on A-Xian all the time so he doesn’t add weird things into the dish. Not now, they’re both silent and docile. She doesn’t know what to do to make it okay; pretending isn’t working. Why does pretending work with adults but not with her? She clings to the routine, to ideas, trying to be like auntie:
“A...A-Xian,” she tries. “I’ve got an idea, I want to test putting spiritual energy into food, like an experiment, you like experiments, right? Wouldn’t that be fun? A-Cheng you can test the foo-”
“I’m not testing food! You made me eat mud last time!” Protests A-Cheng.
Then suddenly, A-Xian burst into tears without a warning. She sees A-Cheng so overwhelmed by it and everything else that he gives the boy a hug. She feels like crying too, because if her little brother is willing to give anyone a hug, then that means he understands how dire the situation is.
“Okay! Okay I will eat!” A-Cheng promises.
A-Xian cries louder. A-Cheng sends a desperate look to A-Li, who just hugs them until they calm down. She doesn’t know what else to do.
The meal in the hall that night is awful, A-Xian sobs as he eats, and even the lotus soup doesn’t do much to switch his mood, not even Cangse Sanren feeding him like a baby with a spoon reassures him. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t scold him for his tears, and takes A-Cheng on her knees. Father isn’t back. When Mother’s clarity bell rings, they all bend near a big bowl of water.
“What’s the situation?” Mother asks with her hands.
Father shakes his head, saying it’s no good at all, but A-Li doesn’t manage to get what he says next. A-Cheng pulls on her sleeve, demanding an explanation she can’t give him. But then she recognizes the sign that means Wei Changze, and guesses that father is asking what their situation is .
She looks up to her mother and to auntie, her heart beating fast. And she sees how auntie shakes her head the same way father did earlier. It’s no good.
The meaning echoes in her chest. It’s no good. It’s no good. After ten heartbeats all she hears is Uncle is dying.
The conversation ends without her noticing, A-Cheng isn’t old enough to understand what they’re all saying but he noticed how his sister started to shake and he is starting to be very, very worried too.
Everything is different and it’s like the distance between them all has a shape. It seems they are done pretending, and now it’s not impressive anymore, it’s just scary.
“Mother, is uncle is going to die?” she asks him, with a tiny voice, as Yu Ziyuan tucks her into bed later. It takes her all her strength to vocalize what she has been fearing all day long.
She indulged A-Cheng, let him sleep with his sister; but the boy is already asleep, cuddled against her side. She doesn’t know how he does it, she is exhausted too, but she feels that her eyes are going to fill with tears instead of closing.
Mother’s lips form a thin line before she says:
“We’ll see how he is doing in the morning.”
Then all of sudden, all the anxiety of the day falls on A-Li’s shoulder and she feels her lips quiver, and takes a deep, shaky breath.
“Is it because of the nightmare?” She asks. “Is it because I didn't say what the nightmare was about? Is it the danger you talked about?”
She sniffs.
“Because I will tell, I promise, if it helps, I will tell!” She sobs, now that the tears are falling she can’t stop them anymore, she held them in all day until she was full and now they spill everywhere. A-Cheng turns in his sleep next to her, mumbling, and she hiccups, afraid to worry him even more when she tried so hard to comfort him. All her effort ruined! All because...
“A-Li.”
Mother cups her cheek with her hands.
“This is not your fault.” She said with such authority, such confidence, that it dries her tear instantly. It sounds like an order, as if mother is ordering the reality around and forbids it to be A-Li’s fault like she says no to A-Cheng or A-Xian sneaking in the kitchen to steal dessert.
It’s so weird, yet so efficient, surprised stomped on her sadness and she feels nothing but it.
“You sure?” She asks.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
There’s a strange silent, only interrupted by A-Li’s sniffs and remnant of a hiccup.
“Is it okay, if i don’t tell you, then?” She asks again, after some thoughts.
Mother seems sad, for a moment, and A-Li regrets her words. She doesn’t want to make her mother sad, in the first place. At first she didn’t say because she was embarrassed about what happened in the dream ; then afraid of making her mother angry and the adult fight, again.
“A...As long as you tell someone. What’s important is that we knows about it. But...Why...Don’t you want to tell me?” Finally whispers mother.
“I don’t want to disappoint you.” She confesses. ”You’re going to be angry at me…”
She sniffs again. She dies in the dream ; she gets stabbed behind, she stands in the middle of the battlefield and she doesn’t even has her swords. She is defenseless and weak, everything mother hates.
“I don’t want you to be mad at A-Cheng and A-Xian or them to be sad. Like when he got lost...”
A-Cheng and A-Xian don’t protect her from being stabbed, and they’re crying, in the nightmare. She causes them to cry and grief because she is weak and she doesn’t even have the force to tell A-Xian the one thing she came across the battlefield for.
“Then i won’t-” Mother says. But A-Li nods, knowing she can’t keep that promise. Mother probably knows that too because she bites her lips.
“I don’t want you to see it!” She laments.
It’s so embarrassing. It’s awful, she feels like she is failing both mother and father, and doing this all wrong despite all they had taught them.
Mother sighs, and for a moment, she does nothing, even taking back her hands. but then, she finally whispers:
“Okay. Then I won’t see it...”
Her hands are on A-Li’s shoulders.
“It’s okay, women have pride too.”
A-Li doesn't know if what she has this pride, all she knows is that it hurt too much to show it yet. Through tears, she can see her mother smiling, it’s a sad smile, and also a proud one, a strange mix, as she says:
“You’re standing against us to protect your brother, and now you refuse to show weakness because of pride...I’m starting to believe you’re more like me than Fengmian for the first time.”
She sniffs and smiles a bit too; she would like that. She likes her father, but she likes her mother too, being like the two of them would be kind of great, she thinks.
***
A wise man once said to Jiang Fengmian that, when there’s trouble, it always doubles. That wise man is Wei Changze. And for once Jiang Fengmian wishes his best friend had been wrong. But yet again he is right.
He knew something had been happening, the moment Wei Changze spoke of his mother in front of the crowd of disciples. Because how could it not be? His best friend never talked about his parents specifically, yes he sometimes implied they were shitty, and not worth remembering, but nothing clear. Nothing as precise as “she drank all our money away.” He had wanted to talk to him immediately, ask him if he was okay...but Wei Changze assured him that it was not necessary and looked normal. As expressionless as usual.
That’s why Jiang Fengmian believed him.
He saw the wall he was heading to, running into, and he did nothing to stop him. That’s what hurts the most. He shouldn’t have. He should know by now that his friend is a liar.
Maybe he knew, deep down the truth, maybe he had a bad feeling about this, because he remained inside Lotus Pier despite himself, cancelling the bow training session on a whim. And before he could even proceed what was happening his best friend collapsed from a Qi deviation and his sect was in shamble. It should have been enough of a problem on top of everything they already had to deal with, but no, of course, it happened the day everything goes wrong in the region they watched for months without any trouble.
Jiang Fengmian had no choice but to go ; leave the sect to his wife, leave his best friend that could be dying, and his family panicking. There was nothing that Jiang Fengmian wanted more than staying with them. But he couldn’t. He knew better. Besides there was nothing he could do staying here but worry. So he put back the Sect leader coat and let the person he is retreat to the back of his mind. Before he went, though, he allowed his own self to resurface. Just a tiny bit.
He went to see Meng Yao -the boy Wei Changze wanted to offer a chance to. He tried his very best to not think about the tiny possibility that it was all the boy’s fault. He couldn’t totally shake it off, but he also knows that if Wei Changze woke up to find the boy chased away he would be furious -and at risk to Qi deviate again. So he said to Meng Yao :
“I’m sorry about your first day. It will be better tomorrow.”
An implied invitation to come back ; as he noticed the way the boy almost shrinked in his place, disappearing in the shadow, trying to make himself invisible. He asked his children -after trying to comfort them a bit- to take care of him.
“I’m counting on you both.”
A-Cheng and A-Li were worried, of course, but there was nothing they could do ; and they couldn’t get into the infirmary without putting their uncle in danger, so giving them a mission was a way to keep them from the stress. As much as he possibly could.
“My lady. Please watch over the Sect.”
Yu Ziyuan nodded, serious as ever. He knew she would do an amazing job of course, but given the situation, he wasn’t sure anything amazing could be pulled off.
The night that followed had been awful in many, many ways. Awful for him because each second he worried that his friend was dying and he just wasn’t there to say goodbye. Awfully guilty because he couldn’t help but remember the last few months and wonder what he could have done differently to prevent it from happening. The words his best friend sent him a few days ago spiralling inside his head You acted like your father. But if his father’s behavior didn’t work, neither did his, what was he supposed to do? Or did this happened because he stopped acting like his father after hearing that and went back to his old ways? The way that would lead to his sect’s destruction? He felt awfully lost. Awfully tired too because he ordered that they flew on their sword to Dafan mountain at full speed, not allowing to rest. Awfully selfish because he was going to help people he didn’t truly want to help - not when his best friend was dying back home. Awful in general because when they finally landed at the Inn, it was to discovers they had been too late.
When he lands, it is already past midnight. The atmosphere is gloomy ; the moon is high in the sky and cast a silver light on a long line of people lying on the ground. There is no doubt about their fate ; if some are recovered with a straw blankets for decency, the other are too pale, too stiff to leave any hope to the Sect Leader. They are all dead.
The Jiang Disciples are scared, if he asked only for experienced ones to follow him, that doesn’t make death any less hard to handle. It doesn’t matter that all people in front of them are Wen ; it sill people they might have saved if they arrived sooner.
Or maybe not. The disciple and his family are waiting for him, and the boy explains, stuttering what he gathered so far from survivors. Because there are survivors. Apparently the family had been healing people from the other side of the mountain for months, vaguely aware that the disease they were fighting was spiritual. It took even more time to localize the origin of the problem and take all their cultivators together to try to eradicate it.
They can guess how bad their night-hunt went.
“It’s their commoner family that brought them here and asked for help,” explains the disciple, Quan Yu, trembling. “They said that calling for the Wen would be too long and that their last heir needed help now. That Wei Changze talked to their previous matriarch and said they could come here...and-”
He knows, Wei Changze told him, and he approved his decision.
“Did you call a doctor?” He asks.
The disciple blushes, and apologizes, even though it is not his fault at all:
“Sect Leader...I’m sorry i was unclear. They are- were- a clan of healers. I didn’t know but...their family provided the whole mountain, the whole region. With them all dead...there’s no one left. Some of the remaining survivors still have some knowledge, but none of them are cultivators and they can’t do much without spiritual energy to the boy. Besides their whole medicinal stock had been destroyed during the attack.”
The situation is more dire than he expected. Jiang Fengmian shakes his head and cuts short to the explanation.
“Lead me to the heir.”
The disciple takes him to one of the room of the newly build inn. Upstair. Inside, it there are three bodies lying on the ground. No. He is mistaken. Two. The third one is a little girl ; she is lying in between the corpse, sobbing but alive. She is clinging to what Jiang Fengmian supposes is her mother’s arm. She must be the same age as A-Li.
“Sir…”
There’s another woman in the room. She bows to him. At her side, there’s a young boy, younger than A-Cheng, who is sleeping on the bed. When he goes near it, the little girl jumps on her feet and immediately gets in the way, a despaired look on her face. She is brandishing needles.
“A-Qing,” Whispers the old woman, trying to calm the little girl down. “Please Sir, do not hold it against her, she is...She has been through a lot, and she is just worried for her brother.”
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t mind, honestly ; it’s not like a little girl can do anything against him.
“I will not hurt him,” he promises her. “I’m here to help.”
For a long moment the little girl stares at him and says nothing, her chest going up and down fast under the adrenaline, her heart pumping so hard that they can all make out the rhythm of her beats. Then, slowly, but surely she breathes in, and her face crumbles.
“It’s too late…”
They’re all dead. They’re no one left to save.
She doesn’t say, she doesn’t cry, but it’s so, so easy to know what she wants to scream.
“I’m sorry.” Jiang Fengmian says. And he really is. He wishes he could have been there sooner, and save them, but from he what he gets, they received the call when it was already too late. He wishes they could have called a few days ago because that way he would have saved them, and maybe he would have been able to stay with Wei Changze when his best friend needed him.
He doesn’t want to be there. He is still sorry for this little girl’s loss.
“I want to save whoever i can still.” He says still, because, that’s true, the fact that he cannot do anyhting for his best friend even if he were at Lotus Pier keeps him grounded (even if parts of him is terrified that Wei Changze might die while he is so far away). “Will you let me?”
The little girl takes forever, but she finally nods, and lets him pass, putting her needles down.
Jiang Fengmian tries his best to not flinch when he sees the star shaped marks on the boy’s skin. The same one that plagued A-Xian for days during his comatose.
This. This might be a clue. Maybe what they found, what killed them all is what they are actually looking for. What enhanced the beast during the night-hunt that almost killed his friend nearly one year ago.
There’s a lot of things Jiang Fengmian has to do ; learn what happened, what they fought, and prepare an expedition to put it to rest -and retrieve whatever artefact is causing all these troubles. This will take time :; he needs to evaluate the situation so that his clan doesn’t end up the same. He has to make sure the dead are taken care of until they can be buried, honoured and their spirits appeased. He also has to tell the Wen Clan about what happened to one of their branch family. Because politics rules obliges him to do so, even though he hates the very idea. But first he has to take this boy, this little girl, all those people still surviving to safety.
Honestly, Jiang Fengmian has an awful night.
Notes:
I thought all morning about what i would say in the end notes and as i write this, my brain is totally blank like "nope"....So yeah...Nope?
See you on thursday for next chapter :) Have a nice evening and stay safe!
Oh yes good new ; Lan Zhan's first POV is officially written and i'm also on the conference's arc which HOPEFULLY will bethe last arc before a time-skip. (HURRAY finally baby wangxian will move out to maybe pre-teen wangxian...Maybe even teen wangxian...*o*)
Chapter 45: Comforting words
Notes:
Hello everyone ! =D Thank you so much for your comments and kudos once again <3 Many made me add some couple of informations in this chapter so i especially thank you all ; it's thanks to you that this work is better.
I didn't answer it yet because for some work reasons i believed yesterday was wednesday and not thursday and that meant i had still a full day left to do it. Then my brother gave me a reality check XO Ah-ah-ah....
Poor Faudrulent_Moose had troubles again with this chapter edits...Poor him.
Previous chapter summary --> Wei Changze's Qi deviation caused a lot of troubles and worries to everyone. While Yu Ziyuan had to handle the Sect's affairs, A-Li tried her best to keep her little brothers' moral up ; with more or less sucess. She was still a little girl though and all the stress came crashing down on her, turning her to believe she caused this by not obeying her mother. After all, they did say the nightmare she experienced was dangerous and that she should share it or awful things might happen. Yu Ziyuan managed to comfort her but not making her speak of what she saw. In the meantime, Jiang Fengmian arrived to the Inn and discovered that he had been too late : the Wen Branch family had been slaughtered, the only two remaining cultivators being two children. One girl, Wen Qing, and one boy put in a strange comatose state, Wen Ning. And the boy had the same star shaped mark on his skin as Wei Wuxian, during the night-hunt that almost killed the Wei Family too.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yu Ziyuan knew something was wrong days before it actually went downhill. Cangse Sanren assured that she’d relayed her words of apologies to her not-husband, but Wei Changze had started to talk to her politely again. Which at first made her happy because she was still angry at him, but then she realized that he had stopped before; treating her like Jiang Fengmian, like a friend. And he had stopped. He had stopped considering her a friend.
« Indifference is worse than hate, » her mother once said, after she fought with her dad. « You don’t need to worry about us fighting, as long as we argue it shows we care about the other’s opinion. »
When you don’t care about what the other does and thinks 一 whether you hurt them or please them, that’s the proof that you are nothing to them. Yu Ziyuan had been very afraid during her marriage of that saying; but she never thought she would one day fear indifference from a mere servant. Because servants are not important. But Wei Changze is important to her. now. She never expected to feel hurt because someone treated her with the cordiality that was due for her rank either.
When she sought Jiang Fengmian’s affection, she had been scared he would not forgive her. But he did. And somehow it made her feel complacent. Happiness made her complacent, dulled her will and her efforts; she expected Wei Changze’s forgiveness for her harsh words to be as easily gained as her husband’s.
He doesn’t forgive easily, Jiang Fengmian had warned the night they fought. And Yu Ziyuan, still angry, had said Well you just give your forgiveness too fast, especially to him, like you’re so scared he will leave if you ever say no to him, even when he is wrong!
She apologized for that one later, but he said she had been right. Cangse Sanren did tell her that her words were harder to hear because she was often right. What is she supposed to do then? Be wrong? Let them be wrong?
She thought the next few days, as she watched Wei Changze politely ignoring her. He didn’t want apologies, he had said, he wanted actions, proof she’d changed; but she couldn’t bring herself to wish for another fight between them so she could do just that. She wasn't even sure she would be able to control her temper in the midst of the fight. She still had such a long way to go...
Maybe it was because she had her eyes focused on that drift between them that she noticed the clues the other two carefully tried to ignore. She talked about it with Cangse Sanren, but all her sworn sister did was sigh and say:
“I know, but he doesn’t want to open up to me either. He has moments like that, forcing him will only make things worse; he will tell you half-lies and tell you anecdotes until you think he talked to you about what bothers him when he just kinda drowned the fish!”
What a troublesome man you married , Yu Ziyuan thought. At the very least when Fengmian was troubled he shut up, caught in his own head, he didn’t deceive her with false truths. But yet again, if given the choice, Yu Ziyuan would certainly not marry Cangse Sanren, with her troublemaker and never serious attitude. So she supposes they found themselves, as the most troublesome pair she ever met.
“He is probably just tired because of...Everything, and the conference. If it continues after the conference, let’s talk about it, okay?” Cangse Sanren said to her, dismissing the problem before going back to work on her new incense burner with a frown.
She didn’t like that but Yu Ziyuan assumed that Cangse Sanren knew better, since she married the man. When Wei Changze let the word slip in front of all the disciples, while introducing the son of the prostitute, she frowned. Jiang Fengmian seemed to think it was still okay and focused on other problems, but she did not. And since Wei Changze was already angry at her, she didn’t mind making him angrier at this point. She went to talk to Cangse Sanren as soon as she had the opportunity and told her:
“He is acting weird, get this under control.”
She could see that Cangse Sanren was skeptical; which okay , was a fair point because Yu Ziyuan had been furious at the idea of allowing the son of a prostitute as a disciple, and this decision could easily fall under the umbrella of “acting weird”. But then Wei Changze collapsed and Qi deviated.
She didn’t want to tell her sworn sister that she told her so; but she told her so! Still, for once, She wished she had been wrong. Because now, they all had to deal with the falling outs. Because Wei Changze was in real danger. And as if that wasn’t enough, they also received an emergency call from the Dafan mountains, which forced Jiang Fengmian to leave in hurry with most of their experienced disciples. For a short time they had to take all those feelings of panic and insecurities back inside and swallow them. They were all authorities figures, if they started to panic, then no doubt disciples and children would panic too, in a greater length. Hierarchy had this double edged sword advantage, as long as the leader looked confident, their subordinates could be and hope. As long as they kept it together, those under their supervision would think they had whatever this was under control 一 even if it was not the case. It was a matter of survival. Jiang Fengmian understood this too.
Least to say, Yu Ziyuan was not in a very good mood for the rest of the day; and unfortunately the disciples didn’t help her feel better, nor did the routine. Of course, as soon as she barked at them to go back to work and ignore all this drama, they turned all their frustrations on Meng Yao. She could understand them being scared and furious; she was too. But she had the decency to keep this to herself!
Sometimes Yu Ziyuan wondered if she was training cultivators or gossiping girls.
She certainly did not agree to drag any of the boys to the brothel to scare them, like Wei Changze said he would. (Jiang Fengmian told her it was bluff though). But she was not allowing those stupid guys to disobey their teacher under he watch. Especially when she was the teacher now. Just like Yu Ziyuan had let her effort be dulled by happiness, the disciples; too pampered by Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian, seem to have forgotten how strict she could be. It was time to make them remember.
***
Meng Yao’s fate is written on shifting sand, it seems.
At the beginning of last week, he gathered enough courage to finally talk to the cultivator Wei Changze. The servant was, in Meng Yao’s opinion, his best chance to access cultivation training, real training, and stop seeing his mother spend all her money on expensive books. Rumors said he was only the local Sect Leader’s most trusted advisor, some said best friend, others dared to say his lover. Whatever the truth was, the man definitely seemed more open to listen to Meng Yao than other nobles. And it had looked like a smart move; for a short time, all his wishes seemed to be granted! Wei Changze listened, and even spoke of him to his friend, and here he was accepted into the Sect, long enough to prove his worth. Yes it was only a test, but that’s all Meng Yao needed; a chance! He could pull it out, his mother always tells him he has to keep faith, and stay confident. He is smart, and hard working, but most of all: he doesn’t have any other choice but to succeed.
“But don’t forget,” Meng Shi, his mother, whispered to him the day before he went to the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, “You are your father’s son, this sect is only helping you now, until he arrives and claims you back.”
She gave him the pearl button keepsake, to make sure he would always remember where his allegiance had to remain. Mother seemed so sure that father would adore Meng Yao, that he couldn’t help but believe her. This was just temporary, to become the best he could be, so that his father would be proud of him when they finally meet.
Then it went sour so fast Meng yao didn’t even have the time to understand what’d happened. At first, when Wei Changze introduced him as “a son of a prostitute” he felt his heart shrunk, certain that he had fallen into a cruel trap where adults would teach him modesty before kicking him out, back to his rightful place. But that was not what happened, Wei Changze threatened people for him, with the authorization of his Sect Leader! He couldn’t quite believe it.
For a short moment he was overwhelmed with gratitude.
Then two hours later the man collapsed. Chaos followed.
Qi deviation, the doctor said. Disciples whispered he would not make it at first. He believed them. No one survives Qi deviation, that’s what he read in all his cultivation books. It turns spiritual energy into poison, makes your organs burn, and you hallucinate before you bleed out and die. It’s an awful way to die, and so unfair that it struck the only person beside Sissi and his mother, who had been kind to Meng Yao . Wei Changze was brought in a hurry to the infirmary with his son and wife. Meng Yao swallowed his sadness, grieved his benefactor and expected to be chased out before the end of the hour.
No such thing happened: the Sect Leader, before he went out for a mission, implied that he was expected to be there tomorrow too. Jiang Yanli, the young mistress, and Jiang Cheng, the heir, stayed near him all the time, like some shield. Madam Yu didn’t say a single thing and carried on the training without kicking him out.
“I’m sure he Qi deviated because he couldn’t bear the idea to teach someone this filthy!” Said someone as they passed wooden swords. Meng Yao tried his best to remember the boy’s face.
“That’s not true,”Jiang Yanli assured him, despite her watery eyes. “Uncle wanted you to learn here, he wanted you to succeed.”
“I say we kick him out,” proposed one of the disciples still, ignoring her, with a look that Meng Yao knew too well. He went through too many similar situations to have any hope, and resigned himself to getting beaten down as soon as he stepped into any shadowy enough place. Especially when the one saying that had something they could use as a weapon in their hand and the perfect excuse to beat the shit out of him without being stopped. So he promised himself to avoid those if he can. To avoid being cornered by those two disciples especially. To try to be paired with someone else if duels were organized.
But to his surprise, during a pause between training, it was not those two who dragged him away but Jiang Cheng. The little boy pulled his sleeve, leading him to a big wooden board.
“Read!” He ordered, pointing a line. Meng Yao knew better than to disobey the heir of the place, so he tried to smile, despite the fear that replaced the blood in his veins, and did as he was told.
“If you destroy someone else's possessions, you will have to pay for it and rebuild it.”
“No, this one!” Complained Jiang Cheng, furious.
Meng Yao read many more lines before he finally reached the one Jiang Cheng actually wanted:
“Should you voluntarily beat someone, with the intent to hurt, inside or outside the Sect, you will have to serve the one you wounded until every single one of their bruises is healed.”
Meng Yao blinked, just to be sure he didn’t misread this. From what he gathered, this board was the list of punishments that could befall any disciple. Not only did this rule protect Meng Yao from being beaten down, but also from scars. No one would be willing to serve him for a lifetime because a bruise would scar! He couldn’t quite believe it. He...There had to be some trick, it couldn’t apply to him!
Yet when he turned to Jiang Cheng the boy smiled, proud and even a little bit provocative.
“If they beat you, I break their legs!” He promised. “Don’t worry! Uncle is just napping! A-Xian did that too. And auntie, mother and father said I had to protect you, so I will!”
He showed his full hands, with almost all his fingers extended, to prove that this many people cared about him. It seemed like the boy didn’t get the rule quite the same way Meng Yao did. But he appreciated it. He supposed that the Sect Heir was allowed to go past the rules, at first, but apparently Jiang Yanli had heard her little brother’s promise to break bones and told him he couldn’t, rending Meng Yao’s analysis wrong. Even so, Jiang Cheng defended himself with one big point:
“A-Xian said rules can’t stop us, we can’t read!!”
Meng Yao’s surprise didn’t end there, as some disciples ( the same ones ) dared to call him names In front of Madam Yu. Meng Yao heard about the Madam’s reputation, so he was obviously scared at the idea of crossing her. Maybe those disciples should have too. In a matter of seconds, something crackled, and a purple lightning bolt was wrapped around the two disciples, pulling them down.
“Do you think, because your teacher isn’t here, you can disobey him? Do you think his threats were jokes? ” She yelled at them.
She dragged them out, and they started to panic, first calling for their Sect leader to save them, before remembering that he was absent, they asked their friends, family, anyone else.
“You can’t sell us to a brothel!” They shouted, but their faces showed that they very much thought she would. They were scared out of their wits.
Meng Yao was almost disappointed when all the Madam did was throw them out into the freezing-cold river.
“You stay here until you reflect on your words!”
“We simply told the truth!” one of the students still dared to say.
“With a tone that implied you disapproved of it! This student was brought here by your teacher, his presence was approved by your Sect Leader! Do you imply you know better than them?”
“He is the son of a prostitute!”
“They judged that fact irrelevant, hence you should as well!”
Then she turned to the crowd of disciples.
“You all should be grateful; I will be the one to take care of punishing anyone who dare insult this boy, in the place of Wei Changze.”
She sounded like it was a good thing, that she would be more lenient and have mercy on them . Her actions didn’t say the same, and it was evident who disciples feared the most between the two. Except maybe Jiang Cheng, who absolutely beamed, encouraging his mother to break everyone’s legs.
Why do you want to break people’s legs so much? He asked him later, and the boy gave the question a thought, before answering: “So they can’t run away!” Should Meng Yao be worried? He should definitely be worried. He was worried. Are they all crazy in this sect?
Yet, crazy or not, this works. Meng Yao hears absolutely no whispers for the rest of the day.
***
Yu Ziyuan tries her best to keep everyone afloat the following days. Cangse Sanren and Wei Wuxian are especially troublesome. Wei Changze made it through the night, which is a good sign, the physician tells her; even if he would not say whether the man would survive yet, let alone without any everlasting consequences. The problem is that he needs very specific care; his spiritual energy is turning into poison after all. The current remedy to fight against that is to let the wounded energy flow inside the doctor’s body so he can purify it with his golden core and send it back to the patient, a long, tiring process. One he cannot endure such a procedure alone for as long as it is required. So Cangse Sanren decided to learn it last night and stated she would take over from now on. Which of course is not okay because she is not a doctor, and she is exhausted too. She might have the best stamina out of the four of them, ( regarding spiritual energy ) due to her legs, but she still has a limit. She spent all night giving her husband energy, then to the doctor so he could recuperate faster and continue his work. She is going to collapse too at this rate. The physician informed Yu Ziyuan that he had to give her drugged tea to avoid that ( and work in peace ), and that, for her own good, she should continue drinking it. Yu Ziyuan does not enjoy spending the little rest she has before breakfast arguing with this decision; let alone see her sworn sister in such a distressed state. She still jokes and smiles, but all her attempts are awful, more so than usual; she uses self-loathing and self-deprecating humor.
Yu Ziyuan hates the excuse of hysteria, as men use this against women every time they are an embarrassment to their pride. But she would dare say that Cangse Sanren is right now; pretty much like when A-Ying disappeared that cold night but with drugs altering her mind on top of it.
“You should really teach me how to be a good wife sworn sister, because it’s evident I suck at it!” she laughs.
It’s the one that pushes Yu Ziyuan over the edge. You don’t need to reassure me with jokes; I’m not the one suffering here! You are! She can’t scream at her because Wei Wuxian is sleeping on the floor, with a blanket, too close...The doctor gives Cangse Sanren another cup of tea that Yu Ziyuan knows is drugged and she swallows her saliva, furious. Instead she asks Jinzhu to go fetch another physician in town that can help the one from their sect, and hopefully will not drug her sworn sister. It’s not an optimal solution as the civilian doctor cannot do the energy transfer, but it’s all they have right now, at the very least they can take care of the physical symptoms and let the Sect one focus only on the spiritual problem. But that will not be enough, she is conscious of that. So she takes out her bell and goes to the main pond; the snow is melting all around but most of the smaller ponds are still frozen. The main one isn’t like that — the Sect founder carved warming talismans into the rock, making sure that the temperature is always optimal for Lotus. She uses the communication array pretty easily, used to the spell now and is delighted to see Jiang Fengmian answer so fast. Of course he worries about getting a call so early in the morning — especially when she told him that the night would be critical for his friend.
“He is okay,” she assures him with signs, first. She then proceeds to explain to him the main problem. She lacks words, the whole language is incomplete after all; but the signs doctor, spiritual energy and Wen are enough. Jiang Fengmian understands her request quite fast.
They don’t have a spiritual doctor, but he went to help the Wen clan, which according to Wei Changze’s report is full of specialists. It’s even the one of the physicians they met, so many months ago on their trip to Qishan. Can they help them? Unfortunately Jiang Fengmian shakes his head, she fears his answer. So there is really no survivors among them? She once again finds herself in that cave, in the third nightmare, thinking as she stares at the woman corpse crumbling to ashes; “I didn’t even care enough to learn her name and now she’s dead…”. She already felt ashamed back then, but now it is hard to look at her reflection in the Lotus Pond and not remember it being tainted in red. She should have asked. She should have made a trip to their place to say thank you the moment she read the report. She should have cared. Why didn’t I care?
Because you thought of them as less, her mind screams. Wen. Enemy. But also strangers. Servants maybe? Just like she still does sometimes with Wei Changze. Yu Ziyuan bites her lips, furious at herself.
“I will ask the Lan Sect for a doctor.” Jiang Fengmian’s reflection signs suddenly.
It’s a good idea; he is already mid-way here, and he brought their fastest disciples with him, so they would probably be able to reach Cloud Recesses before lunch time. If the Lan clan agrees to lend them a doctor it would definitely help, and they’re famous for their music cultivation that appeases one’s heart and lessens the Qi Deviation’s harm. It will cost money, but it’s something they can afford. Unlike Wei Changze’s death. Unlike letting the future they foresaw in the dreams happen, once again. If their disciple is quick enough, and the Lan clan decides fast, the doctor can probably land at Lotus Pier by tomorrow. She promises to do her best to keep the right hand man cared for until then. Jiang Fengmian, however, seems embarrassed as he states that he will be back at Lotus Pier today, in the afternoon. With two extra. Kids . The sign language Wei Changze made up is not enough to explain totally the reason why; she gets that they’re the “heirs” and that one of the two kids is injured, like Wei Ying, hence the reason why he wants the Lotus Pier doctor to examine him.
As she walks back to the hall, her heart heavy, she can’t help but whisper:
“This sect will be turning into an orphanage at this rate…”
It’s not like she can bring herself to reject them either. She knew their mother. While she wouldn’t call the woman a friend; how would she dare when she didn’t even ask for her name? She possibly already made the mistake of leaving one kid to the Wens. Zhao Zhuliu. She is not doing that again.
She is surprised to find Wei Wuxian sulking in the hallway, as she heads to the meal hall. It is still early; but she supposes he escaped the infirmary once his mother fell asleep, drugged. He is curled up; the boy cried all yesterday evening, but it seems that he has no tears left in his body, he sniffs, his eyes dried and red.
Yu Ziyuan is terrible at comforting people. Especially children. She is aware of that. She failed miserably with her own daughter (and son) yesterday. Her own daughter is so terribly afraid of her anger and disappointment that she would not tell her secrets! It tells a lot of how bad she is at this. Yu Ziyuan fears she might be even worse with her sworn sister’s baby. But on the other hand, it’s her fault the boy’s mother is probably sleeping right now, unable to take care of him. And Yu Ziyuan’s discussion with Jiang Yanli opened her eyes ; she needs to change. Not to have her husband’s love this time, but so her children could rely on her when they needed to. So she sits next to him, elegantly and asks him:
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She still partially hopes that he will say no, and the matter will be over. She will let the kids be under her twin maid’s supervision, eat her meal while working — she has to do Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze’s workload — and then train the disciples. Then Jiang Fengmian will be back and he will be way better at handling it because he is kind and patient and children love him. Unfortunately, that’s not what happens.
“Is my daddy going to sleep forever?” Wei Wuxian asks with a pitiful voice.
Yu Ziyuan feels her heart shatter at the thought. Why are you asking me this? She regrets everything; she doesn’t want to be the one having this conversation about death. She doesn’t want to be the bearer of such bad news. So she tries to be like Cangse Sanren, and she attempts a joke to hide her distress, to disperse the kid’s sadness :
“I won’t let him. I don’t accept lazy people in this sect.”
She looks at the boy and promises:
“If he sleeps too much, I will throw him in the river, so he will be forced to wake up. You can count on me Wei Wuxian. I won’t let your father…”
He stares back at her, skeptical and tired.
“You sound like mommy.”
She bites back her words, offended even if it was indeed her intent. Still; her, like Cangse Sanren! She is offended. And even more offended by the fact that Wei Wuxian seems disappointed by it. She tried to be considerate there and be what he needed! Her sworn sister’s words rings inside her mind. How kids might not want to tell everything to their parents. Is he talking to her, willingly, and not just as a replacement for his mother? Is the boy asking her because he knows that Yu Ziyuan will not sugar coat this?
“Why do you think your father will not wake up?” She asks.
“The doctor said it to mommy yesterday when I faked sleeping. She said to him it’s going to be okay.”
He puts his head on his knees and sniffs again.
“But mommy says that all the time when it’s not okay. She lies.”
Yu Ziyuan frowns; maybe that’s because she has been the parent whose child talked to someone else behind their back, but she can’t let this conversation continue in this direction. She can’t let the boy lose faith in his mother, not on her watch. Even if she is quite furious at the moment, because she did lie like he said. Because she has no control over Wei Changze’s life despite her power. Because the boy seeks her and not his mother and so maybe she has been wrong during their dispute. Furious at herself for being hurt by A-Li’s actions. She is furious at everything. It’s nothing new. She takes a deep breath and tries to get this under control. There is no Fengmian to duel. No Cangse Sanren to help her smash porcelain. She has to get it tamed by herself because it’s not a barely five year old boy who will in her stead. Because she is the adult and he is the kid, and she is supposed to help, not the contrary, damnit!
“Your mother did not lie to hurt you.” Yu Ziyuan tries to explain.
She is starting to know her sworn sister, by now. Cangse Sanren is, despite appearance, a pessimist, like her husband.She lies because she is a pessimist, but she wants to be optimistic. She is also very determined to make everyone around her smile and be happy; to make sure things turn out okay. It is because she is pessimistic that she voices so often this lie “it’s going to be okay” because she is convincing herself, because it’s her way to fight her fears and to keep going. She fakes it until she makes it. She doesn’t lie to A-Ying. She lies to everyone, herself included. So she can cling to hope.
“She did it out of love. Because the truth can hurt, and it’s her job to protect you from harm. Lying is bad, but there are bad lies and white lies. White lies are made solely for the sake of people you love, you don’t benefit from it, it can even cost you more than truth, but you still do it because you care more about them than you do about yourself. It is bad, but it is also...beautiful, in a way.”
Wei Wuxian blinks and doesn’t answer, lost in thought. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t know if she had been right to tell him this, but the kid seems to feel better.
“But I get why it would annoy you. It annoys me too, sometimes.” She confesses. “I don’t like lies, even white ones.”
It brings a weak smile on Wei Wuxian’s face, at the very least. It seems that Yu Ziyuan isn’t doing such a terrible job at comforting people today. Then she screws things up, because she answers his question:
“I will be honest with you then: It is possible that your father might sleep forever. No one has control over life and death.”
Wei Wuxian gulps, his face white, but still did not cry. He looks right back at her with a strange expression she cannot identify. It’s a mix of defiance and a challenge. But that doesn’t make sense. She resumes, with another truth, less harsh this time:
“But your father is fighting right now, to wake up. The state he is in proves that he clings to life and tries to be back at your side. Your father is a cultivator of our sect, a warrior. We are not easily defeated—”
She stops, remembering the nightmare, and swallows the shame of defeat. She knows one thing for sure, though:
“We fight to the very end.”
It is forever true.
It is pathetic comforting words, truly, Yu Ziyuan managed to depress even herself. She should not be allowed to sooth children with skills like that. Yet, when she looks back to Wei Wuxian, the boy is not crying still, he looks at the horizon with a determined expression. Slowly, he opens his mouth, and states:
“If it’s a fight, then my daddy is the best ever. He is not going to lose.”
He raises to his feets, and nods at her:
“Thank you.”
He turns away and goes back to the infirmary, so she supposes she did her job. A-Cheng is the next one and the last of her children she has to comfort. Fortunately the boy is the easiest to deal with, because he is very much like her. So when he sneaks into her office and hides under her desk, adding food in her plate when she fakes to look away, she asks him:
“Are you trying to comfort me?”
“I’m not!” The boy denies, red, his head popping out of his hiding place. “A-Li made it! It’s for you! I’m just giving it to you because you aren’t eating with us!”
“Oh? Because that’s what a future sect leader would do. I was about to congratulate you. I suppose there’s no point then. Say thank you to your sister for me.”
“Really?”
The boy smiles; but he knows better than to say it was his intent now, his words would sound like he is asking for praises. And he is no beggar; he is the Sect heir. Yu Ziyuan moves a bit so he can sit on her lap while she works, and his eyes shine brighter than the stars. She, on the other hand, makes small nods in the direction she knows Yinzhu is hidden, ordering her to go back taking care of the other, while she handles this one.
“You know what you can do to help me, and your brother, sister, and Wei Changze?” She tells him, once she is sure they are alone.
“What?” He asks eagerly.
“Exactly what you did yesterday; help me protect the new disciple until your uncle is better, and help your sister take care of Wei Wuxian. Can you do that? A Future Sect Leader must protect those who follow him.”
A-Cheng stays silent for a while, thinking. She knows that it’s the best way for him, because protecting the disciple will allow him to vent all the anger and frustration he feels about the situation he is in right now. In a good way.
“Okay.” He nods, finally, but still not smiling like she thought he would. And her little boy put his head against her chest, in what is the closest to a request for a cuddle.
She hesitates for a bit, then wraps her arms around her son, pressing him close. He is so tiny. She can’t help but remember how tall he will turn out and savors this moment while she still can. A-Cheng doesn’t admit he is worried for his uncle, but that’s okay. She doesn’t admit it either. They are mother and son, they understand one another. After this tiny moment, she tells him to get on with it — as the disciples are gathering in the courtyard. Meng Yao is already there, she can spot him, even though the kid is obviously trying to make himself as discreet as possible. Jiang Yanli is already getting close to him, distributing little snacks to everyone. It’s Yu Ziyuan’s job to talk to them and reassure him concerning Wei Changze. And so she does. She tells them that Wei Changze has survived the critical night like it was to be expected; like everything is all right now, and then starts the routine again.
She leaves the administration and preparation of the conference to her twin maids and goes to train the disciples all morning. She is proud to see Wei Wuxian joining the disciples crowd, and even more to see Yanli and A-Cheng form an impenetrable shield around Meng Yao like they were told to. She still has to throw three disciples into the cold river before the end of the morning, though. One of them is the same one from yesterday, so she makes him stay twice longer than the others. She won’t sell him to a brothel, but if he doesn’t want his manhood to shrink, freeze, and fall because of the cold water, he better stop being so stubborn.
Cangse Sanren is better when she joins the meal during midday, and fortunately she didn’t realize that the doctor and Yu Ziyuan drugged her tea, joking about falling asleep without realizing it while cuddling her son and kissing him. Apologizing for being a bad mother and leaving him all alone. It’s again, her self-depreciating jokes that anger Yu Ziyuan and push her to intervene.
“We drugged your tea.” Yu Ziyuan says to her, finally, because she doesn’t want to lie and can’t stand it anymore. She doesn’t care about her being hysterical at this point, if this troubles the doctor they can find another solution but not...not that!
Cangse Sanren blinks a few time, and looks at her plate.
“We did not drug your food.”
“You sure? It tastes strange!”
“A-Ying and A-Cheng helped the servants, that’s probably why it isn’t…”
Both boys look up, expectantly. Yu Ziyuan can’t say the meal is good, in all honesty. Cangse Sanren pats her son’s head.
“I’m afraid you have your terrible mother’s skills at cooking A-Ying…”
“You cook better than daddy!”
“No one can cook worse than your daddy.”
She smirks, and takes another bite of her plate.
“Still better than Cloud Recesses food.” She states.
“Yeah Lan food is berk!” Confirm A-Ying.
Yu Ziyuan gets back to the afternoon training with the disciples and the children, while Cangse Sanren goes to help at the infirmary. Hours later, before they all head back to their homes or the dormitory, Cangse Sanren comes closer and requests for the tea again.
“It’s drugged.” Yu Ziyuan repeats, scowling.
“I know.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “But if I don’t take it I’m going to be insufferable with the doctors and cause trouble again and they’re going to chase me out of the infirmary and—”
“Don’t make this a habit.” Simply orders Yu Ziyuan before giving her a full bag of the calming mix. If this is her choice, then she can accept it; even if she doesn’t like it.
“Do you miss my stupid self?” She smiles weakly. “Who would have thought?”
Certainly not Yu Ziyuan, that’s for sure. She presses her sworn sister’s hands still a little longer than necessary, hoping somehow, to convey how sorry she is. That her husband is sick, that she has to be drugged, that they fought. The words are stuck inside her throat.
This evening, Meng Yao hesitates before going back home. That very day, he asks if he can see Wei Changze. Yu Ziyuan refuses; as the man is not in good enough shape to be seen yet and the doctor, despite the helpers from the town he received, is still very busy with him.
“Ask tomorrow.” She says, making sure the boy understands he has to come back again.
If he is disappointed he doesn’t show it. He is well mannered and more polite than every disciple in the Sect so far; if she didn’t know already, she would never guessed that he is the son of a prostitute.
The boy has barely left, escorted by a senior disciples she trusts and who lives in Yunmeng too, when they hear a commotion in their private Pier. Yu Ziyuan runs to the place, Cangse Sanren flying after her, along with the children. She knows already what she will find. Jiang Fengmian, her husband, is back. Alone. Like he said, he left most of the disciples to deal with the corpses, help the remnants settle at the Inn and prepare the future night-hunt against what slaughtered the Wen family branch. Jiang Fengmian is holding two young children in his arms, one that is fairly unconscious. Even if it happened almost a year ago, Yu Ziyuan clearly remembers what A-Xian’s wound looked like when he arrived at Lotus Pier. The little boy has the same star shaped marks on his skin and is as pale as a corpse.
She finally understands what her husband meant in the communication array. And apparently, so does Cangse Sanren, because her already pale complexion goes a tone whiter.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter again...!
Yu Ziyuan is not the best at coforting words but heck she tries. Meng Yao's first pov is there too. I have like two other big scenes with his point of view in my original draft (that i rewrote) but i don't know if i will manage to squeeze it ToT
Characters you know will come back next chapter, guess who?
Next chapter will be from Cangse Sanren's pov. I'm not i'm not entirely happy with it (and the one that comes right after), but i've re-written it four time each before i decided to take the nickname "Melie Goodenough" and go to hell with it because i would rather have less-than-perfect-chapters that no chapter at all and being stuck for months. So yeah. I apologize in advance for it.
Chapter 46: Numbness
Notes:
Hi everyone!! I hope you're all okay ^^
This chapter is edited by the sweet Fraudilent_Moose once again =D Thanks to him you are saved from my english mistakes ^^Previous chapter summary --> Yu Ziyuan took care of the Sect while Jiang Fengmian went away rescuing the Wen family Branch. It was not easy ; as she had to deal with a Cangse Sanren who is in a very bad place right now, and take care of the gossiping disciples, and her all the distressed children. Who thought it was a good idea to leave her comforting people? Especially not her. But she still did it and was surprised by her own results. While making Cangse Sanren feel better is not something she managed to do, she did share a heart-to-heart moment with Wei Ying and by some miracle comforted him. In the meantime Jiang Fengmian asked the Lan clan to send them healers to help Wei Changze, and came back to Lotus Pier with the last two cultivator of the Wen family branch : Wen Qing and Wen Ning. The last one, was unfortunately in a comatose state, and his skin bore a strange star shaped black marks, so similar to the one Wei Ying had after the night-hunt that started it all...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren had been feeling numb from the moment Wei Changze collapsed into her arms; with only so very few moments of clarity in between if she is being honest. Very much like that night-hunt that had gone wrong, except this time she can’t blame the pain of her injuries for her state of mind. She would blame the tea but she is not sure how long they’ve been sneaking it into her drink. Yet, as she stares at the kids in Jiang Fengmian’s arms, it is like she has been thrown into the cold river; she wakes up in a jolt, her heart beating too fast, overwhelming all her senses.
The star shaped marks on the boy’s skin! It’s the same as A-Ying that day. It’s the artifact! Whatever happened to them, it’s the same as A-Ying!
Her mind screams about the unfairness of the situation. After months of research, the first true clue about the origin of their problem is found now; when she cannot leave her husband alone, not when he needs her by his side. But she pushes that away and flies to Jiang Fengmian in a hurry, while Yu Ziyuan takes the injured boy in her arms.
“Take care of him, we need to find them white robes too so they can mourn,” Father says to her. “His relatives said his spiritual connection is damaged, I don’t know if that helps.”
Yu Ziyuan nods and yells for the closest physician, but before one of the men from the town can take the little boy and run back to the infirmary, the other child in Jiang Fengmian’s arms clings to his robe. It’s a girl and her eyes are wide opened, she is shaking.
“Don’t take him!”
It’s only now that Cangse Sanren recognizes the kids. It’s the little girl who gave me a needle! Her mind makes the connections she desperately did not want to make before, protecting the little sanity she had left, focusing on her own family, her husband and children. Grief and pity crushes her heart. They’re orphans. Their mother is dead. Their father…!
Yu Ziyuan is the first one to react, and she takes the girl out of Jiang Fengmian’s arms to put her on the ground. The girl stumbles a bit but remains standing. She gets the silent authorization to follow the physician and does a quick bow before doing just so.
“A-Cheng, A-Li...A-Xian…” Jiang Fengmian says to his children. “Go with her, she...She needs support, make sure she is not alone, can I count on you for that? We’ll join you shortly, I need to talk to my lady and Cangse.”
The three kids nod and rush to the side, after a quick pat on their heads. Cangse Sanren mechanically hugs her child before he goes, her whole body feeling cold.
Only A-Cheng stops, just for a moment, and turns to his father, hesitant, before asking:
“Are they gonna be our brother and sister too?”
Cangse Sanren can’t read his expression or his tone at all, incapable of knowing if he is angry or happy at the idea.
“No A-Cheng, they will not. They...They are not like Wei Wuxian, they are from another clan. We can't adopt them without their authorization.”
A-Cheng gives the explanation a thought, then nods.
“Good. I don’t want another big sister.”
Then he goes. Yet his question remains, rings in Cangse Sanren’s ears for a long, long time. Where will these children go? Didn’t Jiang Fengmian say all their relatives are dead?
The little family she happily joked with months ago is gone. And her husband is dying too, her son in distress. It’s unbearable, agonizing. The pain is like a chain, strangling her neck. The more she fights against it, the more she chokes. Yet the artifact responsible for all of this is finally within reach. She clings to that because that’s the only thing she can do right now. The only sensible act she can do right now: she is no doctor, she can’t heal Wei Changze, or the kid. But she is a good cultivator, she can take care of whatever is causing so much devastation!
“Jiang Fengmian,” she says, determined. “It’s what we’ve been looking for-”
“I know,” he cuts her. “How is Changze?”
“Alive for now, the doctors are optimistic, but they are tired. They will need to be replaced soon.” Says Yu Ziyuan, before adding: “What’s the situation there exactly?”
Jiang Fengmian looks relieved first, but it doesn’t last, he shakes his head and bites his lips:
“Something...Something is really wrong with a dancing statue on this mountain. They managed to seal it, temporarily, but not before it killed...Almost every cultivator of the clan. These two children are the only survivors. I left the disciples preparing the night-hunt so we can finish the job-”
“Let me go with you!” Says Cangse Sanren in a hurry.
“Out of question!” Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan answers, in the same tone.
And it surprises them all; they all stare at one another for a moment, in disbelief. Unfortunately for them, Cangse Sanren is stubborn, and she is the first one to recover from the shock. Her mind rushing at full speed as if to make up for its past sluggish state; she needs this. She needs to be useful to someone because here she is just witnessing her life crumbling without being able to do anything! Her love is dying, and she let him reach this state because she did nothing! Everyone saw it coming but her, Yu Ziyuan did, heck, even Jiang Fengmian did probably. She did not. She ignored it. She is done ignoring!
Her words are incoherent, even for her, as she pleads her cause, and of course, it doesn’t work. She shouldn’t have taken a second dose of the tea, she regrets it now.
“You’re in no state for such a thing. We will go take care of this, but not now. It’s too dangerous.” Jiang Fengmian says.
“You’re not ending up like your husband. You stay here.” Adds Yu Ziyuan.
“We have to get there before Wen Ruohan gets his hands on it!” She protests. “And you know I am the only one-”
“The only one to what? Who knows how to cultivate and suppress a monster? Who do you think you are?” Yells Yu Ziyuan. “We are capable of dealing with this on our own, you’ll be nothing but a distraction if you go there in this state! Or worse, end up in the infirmary too! Go back to your husband now!”
Her heart shatters at the truth, her pride wounded. She wants to argue, to joke and erase their serious faces, but she lacks words. The doctor also said during the night that she was hindering his work when she tried to help. It’s better to do nothing than make things worse, she remembers thinking; You’re a troublemaker, but you can’t afford to cause trouble this time, or you’ll lose everything you love. The numbness comes back.
“Cangse,” says Jiang Fengmian, his tone calm, and the contrast with his wife's harsh words somehow makes it worse. His voice is firm, his eyes disappointed and unwavering as he orders: “Even if the Wen remnants wanted to warn their Sect leader, it would take them weeks for the messenger to reach Qishan. I promised them to warn their Sect Leader about their situation during the conference next week. We have the time to deal with it. Panicking and rushing like you do will only cause us to make a mistake, and end up very much dead like them.”
He pauses, and takes a deep breath before adding:
“Go back to the infirmary.”
And it’s when she doesn’t have the force to disobey him, that she realizes they are right; she is not okay at all.
***
A-Li isn’t sure what to think of this situation. Father asked them to help the two kids, but she isn’t sure what she can do and what they need. As soon as they reached the infirmary, the girl started to wreak havoc there, and one of the doctors, the one who tends to uncle, yells. A-Xian has to drag the girl out of the shelves, but she still struggles.
“My brother needs this!” She states, and points out a bocal on the very top. The physician who is holding her brother frowns, his eyes, wide, and takes it. Then he lays the little boy in the last bed available and begins treatment. He is one of the few who tended and cared for A-Xian last time, and so A-Li trusts him very much.
“It’s going to be okay,” assures A-Xian, to the little girl. “What’s your name?”
“Wen Qing.” She whispers, her eyes never leaving her little brother.
“A-Qing.” Nods A-Xian with a smile, before he presents everyone to her. A-Cheng hides a little bit behind his sister, strangely shy. She tells them the name of her little brother. Wen Ning.
“A-Xian looked as sick as your brother, when he arrived here.” A-Li says to her, trying to sound reassuring.
“And look at me now! I’m all good!” A-Xian adds, even doing a handstand right in front of her to prove his point. She gives him one unimpressed glance, before ignoring him again, looking only at Wen Ning.
A-Li understands her feelings, if it were A-Cheng or A-Xian there...Well...She looks at uncle, who is still lying sick, his breathing raspy and hard, only a few steps away. She thinks she gets it. She gets the worry. She is very much living it right now.
“What do you need?” She whispers to A-Qing.
A-Li is sure that what they need is their parents. But from what she gathers; they won’t be able to have that, not ever again. All A-Li can offers them, she is truly aware of it is:
“Soup?”
The thought is terrifying. She doesn’t know what else she can do and she is awfully conscious that it is not near enough, it would not be what she would like, in the same situation. But that’s still something. That’s still better than nothing.
A-Qing looks at her like she is about to cry, biting her lips, and for the first time she says something about her:
“I’m not hungry.”
Cangse Sanren comes back not long after that, and the little infirmary is so crowded it makes it hard to move. She asks how close the boy’s case is to A-Xian’s. He has no wound caused by resentful energy, the doctor says, but given the mark on the boy’s skin that is the same, he has to be hurt by the same entity – or something enhanced by the same artefact ? asks Cangse Sanren, and the doctor nods. It takes him a couple of check-ups before the doctor discovers that A-Ning case is more complex than it seems.
“A part of his soul is missing…” A-Li hears him whisper, and she knows A-Qing hears him too.
All unnecessary people get kicked out. A-Qing included. As soon as the door of the infirmary is closed for her, all her composure shatters and she starts to sniff, her eyes filling with tears that she refuses to let go. Yet when A-Li gets closer and puts a hand on her shoulder for comfort A-Qing tenses up and avoids her contact, as if she is burned by it.
A-Li, not knowing what to do, panics. But A-Cheng panics even more. He had been so quiet since they arrived that she is taken by surprise; before A-Li can do anything he grabs A-Qing’s wrist and drags her all the way through the sect. Worried he is going to snap or be impolite, she follows in a hurry, but slowly she recognizes the path they’re on, and can’t help but be surprised by her little brother.
He stops in front of his puppies’ kennel. Which are not puppies anymore, but big dogs as tall as them. He opens the fence and lets the three pets surround them all.
“Here!” He states, releasing their guest. “Go hug a dog!”
A-Qing blinks, one remnant of her tears rolling on her cheek still, but her sadness has been replaced by surprise and somehow, defiance. She looks at the beasts around her and hiccup, her little fist curling on her robe. Is she afraid they are asking her to wait here, and sleep with the dogs? A-Li comes closer and says with a soft voice:
“I think my brother wants you to get better, and so he is lending you his dogs so you can hug one if you’re feeling sad.”
“Yes!” Admits A-Cheng turning red. “My dogs are good dogs, they make you feel better if you hug them!”
A-Qing blinks again and does not move. A-Cheng panics even further:
“Unless you’re scared of dogs like A-Xian! But if you are, I won’t hug you too! You’re a girl. I don't hug girls ! ”
“You hug me.” A-Li whispers with a smile.
“You’re my sister! It’s not the same!”
“You hug mother,” she adds.
“Mother is not a girl!”
“You’ve hugged me!”
They all turn their head to spot Wei Wuxian, who is hiding very, very, very far away from said dogs, behind a column, but still managed to hear their conversation and participate. A-Li hadn’t been aware he followed them; she expected him to stay with his mother and father at the infirmary. But she supposes it makes sense he was kicked out too, since they didn’t let A-Qing stay either.
“Wei Wuxian!” Shouts A-Cheng, and immediately the boy runs after his brother, making sure he will regret selling him out like this. A-Qing is still completely frozen on the spot, as the two kids disappear, yelling at each other. And A-Li takes this opportunity. A-Xian’s cat is there too, and since he is easier to carry, she takes him and puts it into the girl’s arms.
It takes a moment, but finally, A-Qing’s expression falls and she hides her face in the little cat’s fur. Dogs, sensing her distress circle around her and starts sniffing her, licking her hands. A-Qing finally lets out loud sobs that get lost in the middle of the dogs’ whines.
Oh. She is like mother, realizes A-Li. She didn’t want to show her tears.
A-Cheng, for all his embarrassment, actually had quite a good idea. A-Li, understanding a little bit more what the proud girl needs, makes as if she isn’t seeing her moment of weakness, and silently waits for her to get better. Later, she promises herself, she will drag her new friend to the kitchen and tell her about her idea with spiritual energy and cooking. They will test things out; it might be useful like it is for her, giving them both the illusion they’re helping the adults that way and saving the people they cared about.
***
The next hours are...Complicated for Cangse Sanren. She is stuck in a strange loop that makes everything hard; especially thinking. She tries to drink water so the drug's effects can pass faster, yet is very afraid that once the drug wears off, she will be nothing but an hindrance to everyone else like she was the first two nights. She hates being unable to do anything and being forced to sit still, but unfortunately with her legs like this, she can’t move without using her sword, so spiritual energy. And she has to keep spiritual energy in case Wei Changze needs it because the doctor is reaching his limit soon. He won’t be able to continue on his own without help; unless her husband wakes up – which he doesn’t do.
Please wake up!
She looks at Wei Changze, praying with all her might, but his breath is still erratic, his face pale, he is still dying.
Her eyes fall on the other patient of the infirmary; the young boy, Wen Ning. He is not waking up either, and his star shaped mark on his skin reminds Cangse Sanren of the days she spent at A-Ying’s bed side, in the exact same state. He reminds her that she has not been allowed to go night-hunting whatever is causing this. The Iron Yin.
And she knows that Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian are right – she had time to think about it – she has to stay here. But she still hates it. She hates not being able to do anything. One of Yu Ziyuan’s twin maids brings her another cup of tea instead of dinner, when she refuses to go. She is not hungry. Her stomach is nothing but a knot. So she focuses entirely on her new invention; the doctor explained what he was doing to Wei Changze’s energy, and said she couldn’t do it in his stead. Fine! She is making a tool that will do it then! At least it keeps her mind busy, it gives her the illusion she is useful.
The little Wen Qing girl understands her. She helps too (when she is allowed to enter again after dinner) – She tries as much not to think at the last time she saw her, with her parents, alive and happy. They would be so proud of their girl, as she helps the doctors there, bringing him all they ask for, changing bandages, even brewing some medicines while they take power naps.
They both work in silence for their loved ones. Jiang Fengmian passes at one point to check on his best friend and what she is doing.
“Can’t you see? I’m worrying and self-pitying. It takes an awful lot of time.” She answers bitterly.
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t laugh, and instead, he looks at Wei Changze, again with a sad expression.
“He promised me he would not leave again.” He whispers, his voice strong and confident.
“Does dying count as leaving?” She wonders.
“I would take it as so.”
“And what will you do if he doesn’t?” She pauses, not wanting to say the word. Not wanting to think of this possibility. Not wanting to upset Jiang Fengmian more than he is already. So instead she changes strategies and forces a smile upon her face. She feels hollow as she pats her husband’s head and says to him. “You heard that, Changze? If you don’t wake up very soon, you’ll manage the miracle of making Fengmian angry! Has it ever happened before? I don’t think so! I’ve never seen him angry! Don’t attempt it.”
Jiang Fengmian blushes in embarrassment, and of course, grumbles:
“I don’t like being angry. You don’t want to see me angry.”
Cangse Sanren hums, bitterness on her tongue as her eye stays on her husband’s pained brow.
“No…” She admits. “I don’t want to.”
Not because she is scared or curious, but because she wants her husband to wake up.
They stay like this for a long time, silent, each cornered by their own thoughts and pain. Then he convinces her to sleep in her own quarter tonight, outside of the infirmary.
She listens; for A-Ying, because if she is allowed to stay and sleep on the floor, her son will not be, there’s simply not enough space with the new patient. Besides, the doctors are not cruel enough to let Wen Qing sleep far from her brother the first night; she is already wearing mourning robes. She is all alone and Wen Ning is all that she has left, they already prepared a guest room for her, but tonight she needs reassurance and to be sure no one will take him too. This makes Cangse Sanren think better. Worse too. She can’t help but get the idea of her baby being alone (All alone, in the deadly cave, devoured by darkness) and it makes her feel guilty. So she kisses Wei Changze on the nose and returns to her quarters with their son. She does not sleep. She puts her son to bed, sings him an awful lullaby and works on her inventions. She can’t improve the usual method this time, because this is not some unknown disease but Qi deviation, a case that no one’s ever solved; and her working method is trial-and-error. She can’t afford to test and fail on her husband; on Qi deviation. It’s too dangerous. Wei Changze is too weak right now. So she is using the usual way; sticking to theory. When she hits a wall on the spiritual-and-cleaning-energy-transferer prototype, she switches on something else, that could maybe help for the night-hunt to get that damn artifact. She regrets not going to dinner, or listening to whatever Jiang Fengmian said happened, but on the other hand, not knowing details also helps her make tons of different tests and talismans for every situation and possibility she can imagine right now. Since she is stressed and sad, she can imagine tons of them.
She awakes, her body sprawled on the floor at dawn, messy talismans and half-finished tests surrounding her, a blanket and a cat on her stomach. A-Ying is shaking her up with a big smile on his face.
“Lan Juan and Lan Yuan are here! They’re going to save daddy!”
That’s my job, she thinks, as she wakes up mechanically, and a talisman is still stuck on her cheek, glued to her skin by a mix of drool and ink. She doesn’t care, both for her looks and who ends up saving Wei Changze, as long as her husband wakes up. She summons her sword and climbs ungracefully on it, before rushing to the courtyard. When she arrives, Lan Juan is here, her arms full of not one, not two, but three children. A-Li, A-Xian and even A-Cheng! She smiles back and rushes to Cangse Sanren like she is carrying nothing at all, leaving her husband behind, on the ground, more accurately smoothing the ground in a relieved sigh. Cangse Sanren pinches her arm just to be sure; the whole scene seems surreal.
Because of the healer’s current position, or maybe because she is still feeling numb, Cangse Sanren notices the cast on his left arm only when he stands up.
“What happened to you?!” She blurts out.
“I broke my arm,” he answers with a shrug.
“We can see that!” Scoffs Yu Ziyuan, as she appears from the otherside of the courtyard. “She is asking how it happened!”
Lan Yuan shrugs again, and says:
“And I answered you, Madam. I broke it.”
Which leaves them all confused. Luckily Jiang Fengmian appears – disheveled and tired – but with his political smile on his face:
“Many thanks to the Lan Clan for their quick help, I didn't expect you to arrive so soon but it’s a blessing.”
“We had to leave your head-disciple behind,” Lan Yuan explains. “He was low on spiritual energy after so many travels and couldn’t travel...fast...enough…Excuse me a moment...”
Just as he talks about the sword flight, the healer starts sweating, his face ashens. Oh, Lan Yuan... She remembers how frightened the man was during the sword trip because of his vertigo, and yet he hurried to Lotus Pier in a record time to help Wei Changze as soon as he heard about his predicament. Cansge Sanren blames her exhaustion and stress for the lump in her throat that keeps getting bigger and bigger.
“There’s no time for idle chat!” States Lan Juan, as if she is not the one who took the time to pick all three children in her arms, including the one who hates hugs and kisses. “Show me Wei Changze, and tell me what happened!”
“Dear, manners…” Laments Lan Yuan.
“Manners, later!”
Cangse Sanren blinks and follows the group to the infirmary as Jiang Fengmian explains the two Lans how exactly Wei Changze collapsed, while Yu Ziyuan adds some details from the treatment he is currently under, here and there.
“I’m afraid I made him work too hard…” Confesses Jiang Fengmian, guiltily.
They all worked too hard, the last few months, assures Yu Ziyuan. But Cangse Sanren can’t help but think that among them, Wei Changze totally overdid it. And they let him do it.
“Different people have different limits,” says Lan Yuan, in an attempt to comfort. At one point, Lan Juan turns to Cangse Sanren and asks her something, but the words just slide on her skin and she fails to get it. After that Lan Yuan takes A-Ying from his wife’s arm and puts him in hers, which somehow helps. His hands lingers just enough on her elbow to show compassion .
It still takes her an awfully long time to finally ground herself enough to analyze the situation. By then, they are all moving Wei Changze from the infirmary to a guest room, leaving the infirmary to the Wen siblings. Lan Yuan discharged the doctor who took care of Wei Changze until now. The poor man is officially napping in the sunlight outside, his arms blocking his line of sight. She mentally thanks him for his hard work until now and wishes him to rest in peace. Oh. I made a pun that is worth Fengmian’s, she realizes after the fact, both confused and a bit ashamed.
Once everything is organized in the new room, Lan Yuan starts doing the energy transfer and purification while Lan Juan begins to play a song she doesn’t recognize. And maybe that’s why Cangse Sanren is finally coming back to her senses; maybe it’s the sign the song is working.
She dares to hope.
Wen Ning will also gets help from the arrival of the Lan healers, as he will get all the attention from all the remaining physicians. For now they are all resting, exhausted, but so is the boy, with his sister sleeping besides him. Maybe that’s why they left the infirmary; to give the two children the peace and quiet their grief and state of mind deserve. Cangse Sanren wonders if the boy will, like A-Ying, sleep for a week and suffer from nightmares that would be contagious. If he does, she thinks absentmindedly, that at the very least the ones who cured A-Ying are here too. They will know what to do.
She is so glad they are here…
At one point, she hears vaguely Jiang Fengmian, he says he has to go back to Dafan mountain today, and reminds her she has to stay here and obey Yu Ziyuan’s orders (her sworn sister looks smug after this very sentence, that she doesn’t miss).
“You should not tell me things like “don’t do this” or “don’t do that” it makes me want to do it…” She tries, smiling.
“If you try to follow him I'm breaking your legs.” Yu Ziyuan warns, and A-Cheng’s head perks up at the mention of his favorite threat.
“If you start making jokes again, it must mean you’re better.” Jiang Fengmian says.
“I’m not sure this counts as a joke, husband, more like obvious facts,” Yu Ziyuan remarks. “And she did make jokes before, terrible ones.”
“Yes. I heard some of them yesterday. It was indeed terrible.” Concedes Jiang Fengmian.
“It’s your sense of humor that is terrible,” she counters.
She swears she see Yu Ziyuan’s lips curve upward after that, and she takes away from her hand the cup of calming tea as punishment, before saying goodbye (and asking children to do it too) to Jiang Fengmian.
“Be careful.”
“Am I not always?” Jiang Fengmian says.
They both know he is, maybe sometimes even a bit too much. Yet Cangse Sanren can’t help but worry at this point. Would he be okay? He barely had a full night's rest, isn't he as exhausted as she feels? It’s not like Wei Changze was the only one working hard the past few months, he did too. Didn’t he say they shouldn’t rush? Cangse Sanren wants to give him the talisman she prepared that night to help, but she can’t even tell exactly what she worked on during her panicked night; so maybe it’s better if she does not. It would be horrible for one of her talismans to just blow up in Jiang Fengmian’s face. Yu Ziyuan would probably punch her if anything happened to her husband because of her invention. Heck, she would feel awful if it happened. Wei Changze would be...but she wants to be of use, she wants to do somethin : so she tells him to check her room before going and to pick what he thinks would work. Jiang Fengmian nods and says thank you as he goes. Before he leaves, A-Li gives him something carefully wrapped though.
She watches them exchange a few words without grasping any and the numbness is paralyzing her emotions again. Just like there were not enough places in the infirmary for everyone. There’s no more place in her heart either; Wei Ying, The monster, Changze, they are too many already.
Her eyes fall again on the cast in Lan Yuan’s arm, and she blinks again. Seeing it for the second time yet, as surprised as the first.
“What happened to your arm?”
Lan Yuan has a strong core, good cultivation base, and a healer formation, fractures could probably be healed in eight or ten hours. For it to still be broken...Well it would mean that either he didn’t give a single bit of care or spiritual energy to his injury, or that he crashed on the way to Lotus Pier. She doesn't know what to think about it; but to be fair, Cangse Sanren has trouble thinking.
“I broke it.” The man repeats, not even opening his eyes, the spiritual energy passing between Wei Changze and him unwavering. If he is bothered by the fact that they made him repeat this several times, he doesn’t show it. He has isolated the organs that got damaged during the first stage of the deviation, and is apparently focusing on them first, making sure to clean the poisoning Qi within. When he had arrived he hadn’t been happy with the lungs, and it’s by far the part where he focuses the most.
Yu Ziyuan scoffs, again and asks:
“Do you mean you broke it, willingly?”
And Lan Juan beams, her hands gliding on her zither, smiling at the child audience she has (Cangse Sanren realizes just now that they are all eating their breakfast here instead of the main hall, and that Yu Ziyuan allowed this. Like Wow.):
“You should have seen him, he was so adorable, and so hot! So stupid too, but we don’t talk about that.”
Lan Yuan shakes his head and sighs.
“The Elders and the Sect leader were...in disagreement. Lan Qiren wanted Lan Juan and me to go and help, while the majority of the elders just wanted to send me alone. We had a debate over this matter.”
“He battled with our rules with them for almost an hour, it was amazing,” adds Lan Juan, definitely besotted.
“It became evident that they were not going to be convinced, and time is the essence when dealing with Qi Deviation, we couldn’t afford to be delayed any more,” continues Lan Yuan. “So I made the choice that would make me win the argument while allowing both sides to go out with their pride unscratched.”
Lan Yuan opens his eyes, awfully serious.
“I hit my dominant arm and broke it.”
Children gasp in awe. Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren simply frown, worried. Even Wei Changze in his slumber seems to hold back his breath, choked, for a short moment. Yet Lan Juan smiles and clarifies:
“The official version of the story is that my feet slipped while preparing his medical pouch and Lan Yuan tried to save me from an awful duel against a table. The table won.”
“Lies!” Gasps A-Cheng.
“Yes. Lies: Very bad, don’t do that.” Nods Lan Juan as if she hadn’t claimed just before that she did just that.
“Lies are forbidden at Cloud Recesses you said!” Added A-Cheng to A-Ying, who frowns, as if he can’t remember the said rule.
“Everything is forbidden at Cloud Recesses!” He answers to his brother in the end. “Even pets!”
“Even dogs?”
“Especially dogs!”
A-Cheng looks personally offended now, and while A-Ying whispers to him exactly how the Cloud Recesses is, the adults continue their conversation.
“I did not lie to the elders,” Lan Yuan clarifies with the most obtuse scowl on his face. “I said my wife fell. I broke my arm. It’s not my fault they assumed the two events were connected.”
“Is your arm okay, why did you have to break it, to make everyone agree?” Worries A-Li, examining the man’s bandage.
“Because I wanted to break their noses but I wasn’t allowed to.” Explains Lan Yuan.
“I can relate.” Whispers both Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren, before staring at each other, surprised.
“Will it be okay? Will it heal properly?” A-Li still worries.
“Don’t worry young lady; I’m a healer, I know how to do a clean break. I also know what kind of injury I needed for them to understand I couldn't play clarity and cleansing for Wei Changze, so they had to find someone else for that...They couldn’t send me alone in this state, so they had to agree with Lan Qiren...”
“I’m happy you’re here Lan Juan!” Declares A-Ying, with a big smile, and behind him, A-Cheng nods firmly.
“As I am to see you,” confesses Cangse Sanren, with honesty. “But...I’m sorry, thinking is a bit hard for me right now...but why was Lan Juan’s presence this important for you…?”
Important enough for Lan Qiren to fight the elders’ decision, for Lan Yuan to break his arms and break the rules he knew by heart? She is a bit lost. She likes the Lan woman very much, and she doesn’t doubt she is an awesome healer or musician, or that her husband lovesr her, but...She is special, and especially clumsy. Not someone you could imagine in charge of a sick person. Besides isn’t she in charge of the nursery usually? That’s a long stretch from her usual job.
“Oh!” Lan Juan nods. “Yes I suppose it doesn’t make much sense for you. Well, the reason is very simple; it’s because I Qi deviated when I was 15 years old myself.”
Her fingers glides, once again, on her zither, a long painful note resounding in the infirmary that merged awfully with the loud “Eh??” of the children. Cangse Sanren is pretty sure, now that she is having some sort of strange nightmare, and pinches Yu Ziyuan’s arm to make sure.
Yu Ziyuan hits her head in retaliation.
Notes:
The Lan healers are back because i can, and they bring revelations (somewhat) that were impossible to guess xD I hope you'll like the next chapter too where i dwelve a little bit more about it. Next chapter is once again Cangse Sanren's pov. It's one of my leats favorite but meh, at least it's here and it make the plot go forward.
Also this is so funny??? I have like more comment than kudo, never seen that in one of my fic before. It's amazing! (Also it's a bit cheating because half of the comment are my answers to you but... =x)
Chapter 47: Hope
Notes:
Hello everyone!! As always thank you so much for your support and comments <3 This chapter is delivered to you with good English thanks to the awesome Fraudulent_Moose !! I hope you'll like it ^^
Previous chapter summary --> Cangse Sanren didn't take very well her husband's Qi Deviation ; her mind fuzzy and her mood reaching top bottom. It didn't help that Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan refused her to go deal with whatever killed the Wen Branch Family - the Sect leader only leaving the two new-orphaned children to Lotus Pier so they could be healed and safe, before going back to Dafan Mountains. While the children tried to cheer up Wen Ning and Wen Qing, welcoming them to their best abilities given the circumstances...Cangse Sanren tried to find a way to cope...Fortunately she didn't have to wait long, as the very next day the Lan healers they met months ago, Lan Yuan and Lan Juan, arrived to Lotus Pier. They learned that day that the two of they were the most suited to help Wei Changze heal, as Lan Juan herself once survived a Qi deviation...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yu Ziyuan isn’t quite sure she follows. She unfortunately did not have the occasion to bond with the Lan healers, as she immediately left to search for Zhao Zhuliu after the nightmare, months ago. But she is definitely impressed by them now.
“You survived a Qi deviation?” Gaps Jiang Yanli, her eyes opened wide.
“Like daddy?” Inquires Wei Ying, eagerly. “And you’re okay?”
Lan Juan smiles sadly, aware of the hope she gives to the kids, and says:
“I will try my best to make sure he makes a full recovery like me. This is our goal.”
Cangse Sanren stares at her, completely shocked while the children fuss, relieved. Her promise is very hard to keep, all adults here are conscious of that. You just...Do not survive a Qi deviation most of the time; let alone without any everlasting damages. Yet, Lan Juan seems okay, her cultivation is good enough for her to ride a sword and uses musical spells…
“Uncle is gonna be weird like you after it?” Inquires A-Cheng, rightfully suspicious.
“Your clumsiness…” Whispers Cangse Sanren, her face white.
“Oh no, I assure you this is not a consequence of her Qi deviation, she’s always been this clumsy.” States Lan Yuan. He looks at them both, serious. “My wife made a complete recovery. That is why she is the most suited to heal people who Qi deviated and why it was essential for her to be sent here with me. We’re aiming for that.”
“Though,” confesses Lan Juan with a sad smile, “I have no miracle solution for his comatose state, only theories I need to test out, my experience will mostly be useful for when he wakes up and for his rehabilitation, in order to avoid another crisis in the future.”
“That’s...That’s already a lot, thank you.” Murmurs Cangse Sanren, adding a bow.
There is some noise coming from the courtyard indicating that disciples are already gathering. Some disciples thought that because no one is watching they can use the “whore son” word to talk about Meng Yao. They forget that great cultivators have enhanced senses, and so does their Madam. Yu Ziyuan has to go remind them of that, punish them and start the training day with the children. It is hard to drag them out from the room, but she manages, after promising they will be authorized to come back later. After the door closes and one last kiss to A-Ying – Cangse Sanren finds herself alone with the Lan couple and her sick husband. It takes a long time, and a full song, before her thoughts are finally in order, and her heart less heavy, her mind less fogged. Kindly, as if he noticed the shift in her mood, Lan Yuan taps the place besides him.
“I will show you how to do the energy cleaning I’m doing on your husband…”
“The...The previous doctor said I shouldn’t.”
“I’m the one in charge now, and I say you should.”
“ Are we in charge, though?” Wonders Lan Juan, suddenly anxious.
“You definitely acted like you were and the Sect Leader and his wife let you, so I suppose we are. I’m definitely in charge of you.”
“Oh. Good, because me in charge is a terrible idea!”
She giggles sheepishly as her husband sighs and turns to Cangse Sanren.
“I remember feeling useless when I was in your shoes. I’m sure you’ll manage to do it. And well, if you don’t, there’s other ways to help me take care of him. With my arm like this I can't do everything by myself, that was the whole point.”
Cangse Sanren, for a short yet intense moment, is overwhelmed by gratitude for the Lan couple. Her eyes prick as she feels the numbness fades away, replaced by the wetness of the lump in her throat, every word feels like a sobs, as she thanks them again.
“Also...If you need to cry, you can.” Adds Lan Yuan, after a short hesitation. “I know it feels selfish to do it when you’re not the one wounded, but it really helps.”
“We won’t see and we won’t tell,” promises Lan Juan, and to prove her words further, she sends a silencing talisman on the door, before starting to play her music louder.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t want to cry. She already made a show of herself too many times, crying more in a single year than in all her time wandering alone after being chased from the mountain. And the first year of wandering had been terrible, both physically and mentally. But she is just...not the one who is supposed to. Even before that, when she lived with Baoshan Sanren, she made the effort to always look cheerful and happy. Every kid who was adopted by the immortal had a tragic past, came up haunted and wounded; it felt like a duty to fill their world with smiles to compensate. It felt great to help them laugh. It felt right. It was some sort of vengeance toward fate; to be as joyful as they could despite the circumstances and what it threw at them. Of course she wasn't naive, thinking she could never be sad or wounded by life ever again. It was just...Important for her to remember that whatever happened she – they – could make it out okay, that they could – would – be smiling in the end. Just like when you keep thinking things are going to turn awful they do, as long as you kept telling yourself things were going to be okay, then they would! After all, she lost her parent, but gained an immortal mother, she lost the right to come back home, but got to build a family with the man she loved…
Wei Changze Qi deviated but…
But, surely, things would turn out okay, right? He has to be! She couldn’t...She just couldn’t lose him, right? She shouldn’t even think about the possibility, but she couldn’t stop her brain from doing so. It was not the same primal feeling she felt when A-Ying was in danger, where she knew that her life would be over the moment her son stopped breathing. No, this time she was painfully aware that if she lost her husband, she would survive it. She would have to take care of A-Ying, alone. She would have to go on without her partner . It terrifies her in a different way; one that fills her brain every moment she sits still by his side, a constant scream – I don’t want it, I don't want it, please don’t!
She didn’t cry. Not even once, despite the feeling that her heart was, that it bled and tore inside her chest. Because she had to be strong, right? She had to be the one who would not take things seriously when they were. She had to be the one to make them smile, even when the worst was happening. It was her duty, it was her way. How she coped with everything.
How could she be allowed to crumble now, when everyone needs her to be strong, when Wei Changze and A-Ying need a rock? When they needed hope.
Cansge Sanren has always been aware that she grew up secluded on the top of a mountain, that she is out of synch with the world. She is out of synch with people too, except a few. It is her strength and her weakness; it allows her to see things people wouldn’t. It allows her to test laws they see as obvious and evident. It allows her to be what they cannot. But right now she feels out of synch with herself. It is unbearable. It numbs everything.
Cangse Sanren remembers what Lan Juan whispered to her son, on their way back to Lotus Pier, months ago. “Cry, that’s what tears are for.” She said back then.
So she cries and cries. She lets out all the tears she wanted to let go when the monster took the appearance of her son. The tears she wanted to let go when A-Ying disappeared, yet again, and when they all battled. She cries the tears she should have shed when Wei Changze collapsed in her arms, dragging her to the ground with him, her legs too weak to support them both. She cries the tears she should have shed when the doctor screamed the word “Qi deviation” and hurried her husband into the infirmary. The tears that she should have shed when Yu Ziyuan patted her back. The tears she should have shed when A-Ying sat at her side, spending the whole night watching Wei Changze breath, counting each one, hoping for another, just one more . The sobs that almost shook her when A-Cheng asked if it was their fault, if they had been too heavy during the jog. The tears she didn’t dare show when A-Ying refused to go to sleep, yet again, too afraid, when he begged her to not go away too.
Now she dares. Now she cries, and lets the tears pour until her voice is hoarse and her throat dry, her eyes red, until she feels even with them.
She should have done this months ago, she realizes. They all should have done after the nightmares and the incense burner, after Lotus Pier’s fall and the Yiling Patriarch and Wen Zhuliu. Instead they clung to their pride, to the idea that adults, sect leaders, mother or father can’t cry, or show any tears on the surface. That they had to make it okay. Maybe then the tears wouldn’t have turned into cracks, and the cracks wouldn’t have breached through until they broke one of them.
It takes an awfully long time before her sobs settle. She feels ugly, with her running nose, wet cheeks and red eyes, yet she feels better. Exhausted. Exhausted is better than the numbness, she decides. Relieved too, even though nothing has changed at all. She looks at her husband, who is still sleeping through it all. Last time she cried he held her close in his arms. He can’t do that, so she hugs him instead. She misses him so much.
Lan Yuan and Lan Juan, keeping their words, don’t comment on her breakdown, doing their work through it. And once she is done, and she dries her tears, they simply resume their activity with her at their side, Lan Yuan showing her the spell like he promised. For a long time they’re simply silent, focused on the healing process and the care of the patient. Lan Yuan doesn’t like how Wei Changze’s lungs are damaged and he fears there might stay weak to fumes and humidity if he doesn’t act right now; which means he can’t do the QI purging at the same time. Cangse Sanren tries to do it in his stead, while Lan Juan is playing a derivative of Cleansing to help. One that apparently, forces the QI to get out of the body. It is very much the contrary of what they learn as cultivator; what they teach to disciples, preparing them for the inedia that precedes the formation of a golden core. During this exercise you have to absorb the spiritual energy through your skin to compensate for the lack of nutrition and water; turning spiritual energy into something your body needed, the first step before being able to turn it into a force, golden and pure, that pulses throughout like a second heartbeat. One that can achieve the miracle of accumulating spiritual energy and warming your whole body. The song Lan Juan plays does the exact opposite; you get spiritual energy out through your skin. Lan Juan explains to her that it is best for Changze to evacuate the QI he can’t handle, little by little, than keeping it and let it kill him – which of course Cangse Sanren agrees with, but still. If one expels too much QI they might very well hurt people around them, if not kill them.
“It’s a skill he will have to learn without a song, anyways,” Lan Juan tells. “I do it on regular basis to avoid Qi deviating again. It’s part of the rehabilitation process we established. From now on, it’s important that his golden core contains exactly the right amount of energy he can handle, never less and never more. It is a hard balance to achieve at first but it’s actually really easy once you find your equilibrium. This is actually the only equilibrium skill I’ve ever managed to get in my entire life!”
Her words made the whole revelation from earlier even more real.
“So...You Qi Deviated...At 15?” Cangse Sanren asks, once her emotions finally settle, a warm nest inside her chest. She supposes the couple would have not talked about it, if they were reluctant, or if it was a secret in the first place. But at the same time, now that her head is clear, she can’t fathom why the Lans would keep this fact secret.
Lan Juan, not offended at all, nods and she seems to think about how she will start for a while, before she finally begins:
She tells Cangse Sanren the story of a little girl of the second main family branch, who was placed 3rd in the succession line, yet lived most of her childhood devoid of any pressure, as the heir was so perfect that none ever doubted he would be anything but a great Sect Leader. Until his unexpected demise.
“You see...Since Lan Yi became Sect leader, women were officially considered fit for the post, not only their male children. My mother is a normal person, and my father died during a night-hunt when I was a baby unfortunately, so I was the next in line.”
It takes Cangse Sanren by surprise. Part of her would love to see what the Lan Clan would become in Lan Juan’s hands. She stares at Lan Yuan by her side;
“And you, how far in the succession line are you?”
“I’m 22nd. I’m in the 4th family branch. Our mothers are both widows and normal people stuck with sur-human ones because of their children, so they befriended each other. That’s how we met despite being so far apart in the succession line.”
“Wow, that's a good marriage you made,” She comments.
“Yeah. I think so too.”
“But he is probably the only Lan who does.” Confesses Lan Juan, with a blush. “You see, it was okay for me to be this high in the succession list, as long as we had Qingheng-Jun. But after his...Demise...Leaving no heir, Elders realized that...Well that I could very well end up leading them, and how disastrous that would be.”
She bites her lips, frowning slightly, continuing her tales; the little girl was 14, back then and got taken by surprise by the sudden shift in her family. Something that had always been a joke among them “Can you imagine, our Lan Juan, Sect Leader?” turned into a threat. Before they assured her that it didn’t matter that she was clumsy, that they loved her the way she was. Yes, she almost shot Lan Yuan with her arrow because she got distracted while pulling the string and didn’t aim. Yes she couldn’t do a handstand without breaking down laughing because her nose booped the ground...but that was part of her charm! That was not a problem! Except now, it was. Because she might one day represent the sect; if Qingheng-Jun didn’t produce an heir, or if Lan Qiren didn’t marry and do it in the stead of his fallen brother…
They didn’t say anything new, yet their words became urgent, pressing. They made it clear without saying it that the little girl had to Lan-Up, quickly, and that they did not find her charming anymore. That they were embarrassed now. Ashamed of who she was.
“I’ve never been ashamed of you” Comments Lan Yuan at this part of the story.
“Liar,” She giggles. “You were definitely ashamed when I fell during our first night-hunt and dragged you in the puddle of mud with me.”
“Annoyed, maybe.” Admits Lan Yuan.
“Embarrassed surely.”
“Well I felt ashamed enough for both of us.”
Cangse Sanren can’t help but think they’re cute, patting her own husband’s head.
“Even if Lan Yuan did...I wanted to reassure my mother who barely understood clan matters, and make the Sect proud...So I repressed my emotions and who I was for months,” admits Lan Juan.
“Then one day, I just...Snapped.”
“By snapping she means breaking a teapot on one of the Elder’s heads before fainting and bleeding all over his white robe.” Lan Yuan explains, a little too proud.
Cangse Sanren knows she should be completely terrified at the mental image; she is not, she regrets not witnessing it first hand. She regrets not being able to do it first even! Lan Juan is a little bit more embarrassed:
“I’m glad I fainted, it helped me avoid a really awkward conversation. Life is unfair though, it’s like one of the only Elders who actually likes me and was worried about my health and it’s him I bled all over…I wish I Qi deviated on another one...like Elder Wu.”
“Or Elder Jun, it would have been great.” Concedes Lan Yuan.
“I wish you QI deviated on him the day he suggested you to marry Lan Qiren.”
Cangse Sanren almost choke at Lan Yuan’s words. Lan Juan simply sighs, commenting on how Lan Qiren almost Qi deviated that day, and went to hide in his brother’s seclusion cottage for hours.
“Well, when I Qi deviated, I spent a whole week in comatose. Fortunately, like your husband, the QI deviation didn’t occur during battle, my core didn’t explode and I merely reached the first stage!”
“Qi deviations are caused by yin energy most of the time,” explains Lan Yuan. “We tend to forget that emotions generate Yin energy too. We knows that people who are shy, and swallow their pain throughout their life make the most powerful and vicious ghosts too..It should be obvious that doing the same while being alive would harm someone the same way, especially cultivators. I think we did know at one point and that is why there’s rules about not being too sad, or too happy.”
“Not everyone has a Qi Deviation because of violent emotions…” Remarks Cangse Sanren, otherwise she would have Qi deviated long ago during a laughing fit. Which okay , it's not a bad way to go, but still.
“And even if emotions produce Yin energy, not all emotions do…”
“Yes. You’re right.” Confirms Lan Juan. “But some people are more likely to develop a disease than another. It’s the same for Qi deviation… Take for example the Nie family…Even if they have their cultivation to blame, some of their leaders hold on way longer than others. ” Lan Juan smiles shyly.
“And,” Adds Lan Yuan, with a tensed jaw. “My current theory is that one's state of mind, one emotion especially; always produces Yin Energy. This one is especially dangerous and leads to Qi Deviation for cultivators.”
“Which is?” Wonders Cangse Sanren.
“Self-hatred”
It shouldn’t surprise Cangse Sanren. Really. She stares at Wei Changze, the man she loves with all her heart, and knows already. She had been a wanderer, she can recognize the signs of someone being chased. Her husband had always been running away from something that terrified him. When she met him during this night-hunt, it was from corpses, trying to lure them away from his best friend and give them the opportunity to flee and survive. Then it was Love, terrified as he was to betray his best friends’ feelings, yet so craving for it. Then it was the sect, the responsibilities, Fengmian. But maybe, it never was all of that. Maybe it had always been the same person all along: himself.
Cangse Sanren knew her husband hated himself. How could she not? When all his efforts are never enough for him? When he calls himself a liar instead of smart. When he still says he is a servant, not an awesome cultivator, father and husband, the right-hand-man of one of the biggest Sect….When he describes himself as selfish, unkind, unworthy of his friends, of her. When he bears every failure on his shoulders but cannot see his successes. When, in a fight, he always chose the one option that will end up with a wound for him rather than anyone else.
Cangse Sanren tried her best to make him feel loved, to remind him every day that he was worth it, that she choose him. She failed, apparently.
She must be wearing her emotions on her sleeve, because Lan Juan whispers:
“It’s not your fault. It is not something that can be resolved by love alone.”
Why? Why shouldn’t it be? Why can’t her love be enough for both of them, she wonders? She wishes it was the case. She wishes Wei Changze could see himself as she sees him: wonderful, beautiful, every damn word that ends with “-full”! Maybe not perfect; but enough for her, enough for their family, Jiang Fengmian, the sect, and the world. Enough for the people he cares about.
“It is a long, and painful process,” Confirms Lan Juan. “To accept your own self, and live with it. That’s one of the goal my rehabilitation is trying to achieve.”
Does that mean that Wei Changze will have to be honest with himself, and share his emotions in order to get better? Cangse Sanren can’t help but fear, he will absolutely hate that, and she warns them about it; trying to make her husband speak when he doesn’t want to is like going to swim with all your limbs roped and weighed down!
Fortunately, Lan Yuan explains further:
“Don’t worry, we are Lan, we know how hard it is to express emotions for some people. Lan Yuan and I developed several methods that allow people to keep their privacy still. But I must warn you that he might change after that and surprise you.” He looks at his wife, managing to look fond and annoyed at the same time: “This one definitely changed. She became even less Lan.”
“Well to be fair, I was allowed to change, because the first young master arrived and so I was put down 4th...then 5th in the succession line! I’m free again! Bless young masters Lan Huan and Lan Zhan.” She giggles again and adds:
“But it’s true that it was liberating. My body sent me a message with that Qi Deviation, and I decided to never ignore it again. Restraint isn’t good for me. That’s why I gave him my ribbon!”
“And here I am, holding two people’s worth of restraint while she runs carefree and falls into every pond on her way.” Lan Yuan sighs.
“And stairs, don’t forget stairs.”
“How could I forget stairs, your nemesis...We all know one day you’ll slip on one of Cloud Recesses and break your neck. And I will have to destroy every single one to avenge you.”
“Aw, I knew you were such a romantic person, deep, very deep down! Avenging your love, such a good story that would make!”
Cangse Sanren laughs. She is surprised by her own voice, how it sounds. it hurts a bit her throat, it doesn’t dislodge the weight in her chest, but it warms her heart still.
After that, as she helps them take care of Wei Changze, Lan Yuan tells her about their researches and theories. How they lack samples to make it through and prove their points. So few cultivators actually survive Qi Deviation. Cangse Sanren lets out a sigh she didn’t know she was holding. Yet, something is bothering her in this story:
“It is revolutionary...Why would the Lan Sect keeps that discovery from the world?”
“It’s not that great,” Comments Lan Juan. “We do not prevent Qi Deviation from happening, and we do not save people who are too far gone either, we simply help their recovery process if they do. To give you an idea, we’ve been studying this for seven years now, and apart from Lan Juan and your husband, only two cases happened.”
“Still…Why?”
“For two reasons; first if they did say that, they would have to admit that one of their disciples, one of their heirs, from their main family’s line, Qi deviated.” Explains Lan Yuan, somber. “That is so shameful already that I’m sure most of the elders would rather die than let it happen.
“Second, if they were to tell the story, Lan Juan would be invited, shown to people outside the sect, as the first patient to be cured via our method.”
“And we can all agree that I give the Lan clan a bad name.”
She gets why the Clan Elders would think that way, Lan Juan is far from gracious, calm and righteous like a Lan should be, imposing themselves as the guardians of morality and protectors of the weak. Surely, no one would feel protected after witnessing a Lan tripping on their own foot and ending up head first in every pond on their way. Yet...Yet she feels furious at the idea that Wei Changze’s life and best chances of recovery would be kept from him for such a petty reason! Cangse Sanren shakes her head; she can understand why, but couldn’t disagree more. Actually, if more Lan were like Lan Juan or Lan Yuan, she would probably appreciate the clan more! She can’t believe that, to preserve their immaculate reputation they would go to this extent! Maybe she should; after all she saw what they did to their heir and his wife and children, even if she still ignores the reason behind it.
“I disagree.” She still states. She disagrees with it. All of it. Fuck Sects. (Except Jiang Fengmian’s sect, but only because he is her friend and her husband’s sworn brother).
“I’m glad you do.” Whispers Lan Yuan by her side, a small smile on his face.
They explain to her that they reached an agreement with the clan; if they do make a discovery – which has not been the case so far – they will share it with the world, once Lan Juan is no longer alive and able to be summoned as an example. If not, they will be allowed to teach the Sect disciples with their technique – Lan Yuan as the head of the infirmary, and Lan Juan as a teacher – if (and only if) she proves herself to be reliable and good at teaching children. Hence her post at the nursery.
“And I’m doing great, children of the nursery love me! In like, twenty years I’ll be a teacher, just you wait and see!”
Both Lan Juan and Lan Yuan seem okay with it, yet Cangse Sanren still thinks it’s an awful deal. She expected so much more of the Lan Clan.
They helped still, she forces herself to remember. When Wei Changze’s life was on the line, they made the right decision. Lan Qiren, supported the idea of the Lan healers going. He sent him Lan Juan, even.
The draft of an idea takes form, in the back of her mind, a thought she had pushed away the last time the Lan couple returned to Cloud Recesses, because she didn’t know if she could trust them completely. But now...She looks at them taking care of Wei Changze, and she knows she can.
Yet, remembering her past doubts also brings back the image of a small letter she hid among A-Ying’s drawings and own messages for Lan Zhan. She looks up to the couple again, and whispers:
“...About the letter.”
She can’t tell them for who it was aloud because of the spell, but they understand still. Lan Yuan sighs.
“It couldn’t be delivered. Seclusion, after all, means no letters from the outside world goes in, and none goes out either.”
Cangse Sanren doesn’t even have time to show her disappointment, Lan Juan says:
“That’s why I opened your letter, read it and memorized it.” She looks right at Cangse Sanren with a big grin. “And then when it was my turn to visit, I recited it aloud. You know, working with kids makes you babble all the time, and I'm such a silly goose!”
Cangse Sanren’s heart beat faster in her chest; she wants to press Wei Changze close to her heart and hugs him, saying “You heard that? They got my message!” even though it’s pointless. Instead she takes Lan juan’s hands in her and says what apparently the Lan Clan fails to notice everyday:
“You’re awesome.”
Lan Juan blushes, happily, and Lan Yuan stares at his wife in disbelief, commenting about the fact that he tells her that everyday and she never reacts like this with his words. Which is not the truth, because they spent almost one month together and all she ever heard him say to his wife during that time was fond reproches. She is not sure Lan Yuan is aware of that, or even able to tell his wife he loves her. He is a Lan after all. So she brags about it, of course:
“It’s because I’m a ladykiller,” Cangse Sanren beams.
“Says who?”
“Me! And my husband too: apparently there’s rumor about me and my adorable sworn sister.”
“You, and the Madam?...It would end up in a murder.”
“Yeah, I know! Probably my murder.” She laughs again.
She feels more and more like herself, as the conversation keeps on. She doesn’t know if it’s because she cried, their friends’ presence, or the fact that she knows and trusts the person who is healing her husband now, or simply because she is allowed to do something that helps. It’s the results that matter, after all…
“Anyways,” Says Lan Juan as she takes something from her pouch. “When I gave her your message, the madam made this….I wasn’t allowed to bring anything back, so I hid it under my own sacred ribbon. No one ever checks there.”
Lan Yuan seems embarrassed hearing his wife’s words; is it because she put herself in danger, because she read another’s letter, or the sacred ribbon matter? She supposes it’s a mix of three. Cangse Sanren is only proud and impressed. Her friend – she can definitely call her that now – is smarter than the elders give her credit for. It’s their loss and her win!
Lan Juan hands her a ribbon. Cangse Sanren’s thumb caresses it, and she feels immediately something weird inside the sewing. She is terrible at needle work, but A-Li is learning how to do it from her mother now, and she worked on her presents in Cangse Sanren’s workshop. The technique reminds her of what she attempted – something Yu Ziyuan taught her the past few months. She doesn’t have the correct needle to undo the work there, so she tears it apart without any hesitation. Inside the cloth material, safely hidden away by the lining, there is a message sewed. Simple and clean:
“Thank you. Don’t try again. Keep the letters and tokens safe and forget about us.”
Like hell Cangse Sanren is going to listen to that! The situation is unfair and if she cannot do much, she wants at least try! For her own peace of mind, she has to. It’s awfully disappointing and heartbreaking, especially after the length everyone went for them. She refuses to listen. She must be okay again.
Lan Juan read the message hidden in the ribbon too, and bites her lips. Lan Yuan does the same and shakes his head from right to left.
“She is right. We should forget. Giving us this letter was a bad idea to begin with,” Complains Lan Yuan, though with a pout. “I’m sure you got it by now, but...We don’t have that kind of power within the Clan, let alone the sect. Lan Qiren is willing to help us on many matters but not this one...”
He takes a deep breath, and for a moment she can almost picture him physically tip-toe around the subject:
“I’m not allowed close to her. I’m too young and a man. Only people who are over fifty can.”
Cangse Sanren fills the blank. So people who obviously knew the fear of the curse; in order for them to not be compassionate with their prisoner. Smart, and very petty. She is very angry with the Lan right now; since apparently other people aren’t, she will be on their behalf. Didn’t they say it? To avoid Qi deviation you must not swallow your emotions? She is certainly not going to! The numbness that held her captive the past few days is now a mere thought, easily forgotten.
“I’m only in charge of general supervision. I make reports of everything they say to me, and make a more...objective evaluation of–” Lan Yuan hiccups, words failing him, so he settles for: ” Of the patient’s state.”
So...As she guessed he is also under the spell. Cangse Sanren is disappointed in the Lan Clan even more. She didn’t think it was possible.
“I’m allowed to check sometimes,” Says Lan Juan. “When I was...Well before I Qi deviated, Elder Jun brought me here to help the Madam. He said it would do me good to know what could happen to me if I didn’t behave. Like I would get scared or something. He still sends me there if I make an embarrassing mistake in front of him.”
Cangse Sanren takes that back. Now she is more than disappointed, she is outraged. And those people call themselves righteous ? Bunch of hypocrites! She wishes she could do something about it. She wishes she could fly to Cloud Recesses and kick some butts right now.
“Jokes on him,” Smiles Lan Juan, determined. “I’m not afraid of that end anymore.”
Perfect.
“Would you be able to help again, to give a message…?” Cangse Sanren asks Lan Juan, an idea forming inside her head. It had been difficult to think before, and now her brain is working at full speed.
But before the woman can answer – her expression leaves no doubt – her husband steps up.
“I will do it.”
Lan Juan frowns:
“What are you talking about, you can’t even get close to…” Since she can’t continue, she turns to Cangse Sanren. “Please...Don’t put my husband in unnecessary danger.”
“I will be fine,” her husband assures. “Elders like me; they think I’m a genius!”
Cangse Sanren must look puzzled because he adds especially for her:
“I became the Head healer of Cloud Recesses’ infirmary at the age of 20. I am a genius even if I don’t look like it.” He pauses.
“There’s no rule about not being prideful or something?”
“There is but nobody follows that one. Especially not Elders.”
“Even if they think you’re a genius, they also think you’re in love with a fool.” Comments Lan Juan.
Lan Yuan sighs, resigned:
“Which is my point. As you can guess...her position is hard enough to handle.”
“Dear…I will be okay. They think I have the brain of a toddler. They will never suspect m-”
“Until they do, and then you’ll not even be allowed to take care of toddlers, and be forced into seclusion too. You might not be afraid of them, but I am. It’s bad enough that our work on Qi deviation is going to be under my name only and be published after your death. I’m not…”
He bites his lips.
“If they find out you’re helping them...I will not be able to get you out of trouble with just a debate over rules or by breaking my arm. Please..Cangse Sanren, I will do it…”
Cangse Sanren understands his fears, she really does. But she also thinks of Qingheng-Jun and Madam Lan who are all alone, and already forced into seclusion. It is too late for them, yet too early to worry for Lan Juan.
“If they do find out,” she promises. “You’ll always be welcome to Lotus Pier.”
“Thank you but no.” Cuts her Lan Juan, determined.
Which is a good thing because Cangse Sanren realises that she does not hold that kind of power, and cannot make this promise on Jiang Fengmian and the sect’s behalf. Still she does not get why they would want to stay here, and it must be evident, because Lan Yuan shakes his head:
“Our families are there, we’ve been living Cloud Recesses for generations. We just...Cannot go. Besides if we go, Elders would think they won. They will never reevaluate their mentality again, as long as we stay in their line of sight they cannot ignore us and deny that what they do is wrong.”
“And it works,” adds Lan Juan. “They treat me better now. There are three Elders who actually likes me a bit and even one who apologized for the way they pressured me. We’re slowly gaining ground. If we go now, all our work will be for nothing. We can change the sect from the inside! Like Lan Yi did! With less assassination, hopefully,”
“Even if we can’t,” continue Lan Yuan. “They are old, they will eventually die at one point and be replaced by a new generation of Elders. Then things will be different.”
“I thought there was a rule about respecting the elders…”
“I respect the fact they are older and so closer to death than I am.”
“You and I have different definitions for respect.”
“You got thrown away from Cloud Recesses because you were rude.” He reminds her.
“Point taken.” She concedes; respect has indeed, never been her speciality either.
“We are proud of our Clan, Cangse Sanren, maybe not the way it is handled today, but as a whole, in its core. People turn to us when they need help because they know we are trying to be righteous.” Says Lan Juan.
Cangse Sanren isn’t sure, she is both impressed and skeptical of their plan. Patience has never been her forte, but it’s their decision. She just wants to make sure they know if they’re ever in troubles, she would fly to them the same way they did for her husband. She tells them so, and they both blush embarrassed by the display of affection.
“Enough with that. So what do you want me to do to help?” Asks Lan Juan.
“I told you…” Mumbles her husband.
“If you do it, I do it too. That’s final.”
“Okay but you’ll do the bare minimum.”
“Of course, of course.”
“And if you’re caught, you play dumb and says that I’ve asked you to do this, that you didn’t get my plan at all.”
Lan Juan hums, not agreeing. Lan Yuan sighs, but to his wife’s delight, he simply nods, silently resigning himself.
First, Cangse Sanren explains them the new communication array the Jiang Sect developed – of course not how it actually works, since it’s a secret – but how you use it. It’s the perfect way to get Madam Lan and Quigengh-Jun a way out of their loneliness... All they need is a small bowl of water – they can probably decorate it with relaxing bamboo decorations. They won’t even make a sound while conversing given the flaw of the spell. Cangse Sanren will have to find a way to teach them the hand signs on the spot, but that’s doable. (Wei Changze once drew a long scroll depicting each sign hands with their signification, she can probably hang it behind her during the spell activation so they can refer to it).
“How can the-” He scoffs. “Can we contact you with it?”
“I…” Cangse Sanren supposes they can’t, since it’s a Jiang Sect secret how to activate it. But if she feels the need, she can probably teach them. And so she explains them so.
“And how will they know when you’ll contact them? Will the water always be activated?” Wonders Lan Juan. “Seems impractical.”
“Well, is the Lan way to communicate any better?” Cangse Sanren scoffs, irritated. She tried her best with her spell and does not like it being critiqued.
“Between spouses, definitely!” Lan Juan smiles, but can’t say anything before Lan Yuan elbows her side with his casted arm. She gulps, and coughs, before admitting; “But well yeah, our other means are not...that good either.”
Cangse Sanren is curious, now, but apparently it’s a big secret that the Lan are not ready to share; which is weird because they seem okay with speaking behind their elders’ back but not that. She supposes some things are still sacred, even for those two bad Lan.
Sacred? Cangse Sanren thinks about a ribbon, and has an idea. Sure her embroidery skills are just so-so, but she can probably manage to use the same method as the one Madam Lan sent her and make a spiritual weapon like her Duandai.
“I will try to make a ribbon that would turn a little bit hot, when the spell activate. Jiang Sect have their clarity bell for that but I thought it would be too loud. Will you be able to give it?”
Lan Juan nods firmly.
“That’s my cue then. They didn't get me last time, no reason they will get me this time either.”
Lan Yuan sighs.
“And...I will bring a ribbon to...the madam’s husband.”
He is a healer and a man, so he has probably some occasions to meet Qigheng-Jun.
Cangse Sanren can feel the smile on her face grow ; there are many problems she can’t solve yet, but at least it seems she can handle this one.
Lan Juan giggles:
“Oh this is so exciting, it’s like being some kind of spies!”
“I think Elders would call it high treason…” mumbles Lan Yuan, less enthusiastic.
“It’s okay, some always had a problem with words, calling their senility wisdom,” she argues back.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t mean to laugh, but she does, again, and presses Wei Changze against her. He would be so proud of her right now; she is making plans! I can’t wait for you to wake up so you can help me perfect it. She thinks, caressing his head.
And the thought surprises her; she realizes that she is not lying, trying to convince herself that things will be okay. She believes it. Just like A-Ying believed the moment the Lan landed in Lotus Pier that they would save his father, she did to. It just took her a little while longer for that hope to settle.
But now it’s here.
She looks at Lan Juan and Lan Yuan, and smiles. She is so glad they are here.
Notes:
Is Cangse Sanren making plans to say fuck to the Lan Clan Elders right next to her sick husband? Is she this shameless? Yes. But to her defense, Wei Changze would probably be very proud of her right now. (WCZ loves his wife in general, but his wife planning a coup and trouble noble clan that think they are better than others/common people? That definitely makes his knees very, very weak. actually you're all lucky he is in comatose state right now because if he heard that, he would have probably married her for real this time, on the spot, not just eloped)
Are Lan couple starting therapy business too? Hell yeah they do. They don't know they do, but I'm telling you they do. Fraudulent_Moose asked for #getWCZatherapy, and now he has it!
As I said before I don't really like this chapter, it's my least favorite of all the fic so far, but meh. It's done, it's published now by my rues I cannot rewrite it and I have to deal with it forever. I hope you still liked it though ^^Thank you for reading, stay safe and have a good day!! =D
Chapter 48: Empathy
Notes:
Hello everyone!
Sorry we missed the update yesterday ; I woke up thinking we were on Monday and so did Fraudulent_Moose ! (Let's be honest this Tuesday fet like a Monday). So by the time I realized it was Tuesday it was already late for poor Fraudulent_Moose who lives on the other side of the ocean (for me). So yeah. Really sorry about that ! Here is the new chapter, well edited =D I hope you'll enjoy it!
...There are finally answers in this chapter : thee is one last bit of information I have to give you regarding the night-hunt the started it all and then it'll be OVER (I mean the revelation about the event, not the fit...(un)fortunately xD) Thank you for staying with me and patient for so long, I know how frustrating it is to wait for the revelation for 48 damn chapters.
Last chapter summary --> Lan Juan and Lan Yuan arrived at Lotus Pier and immediately started to help cure Wei Changze's Qi deviation. But their presence also helped Cangse Sanren, who could finally let go of her pain and cry after months of angst building up. As she calmed down, the Lan couple told her an old story. The story of a young Lan Juan. The story of a girl who was not a Lan, yet so close in the succession line that she was pressured by the elder after the fall of the clan heir, to be someone she was not. So much attention lead her to lie and hide her personality, and hate her own herself, which then lead to Qi deviation. Because a cultivator who hate themselves gather resentful energy, and the current theory of the Lan couple is that this kind of emotion always cause Qi deviation. Of course it is a mere theory that they cannot prove yet as their researches are meeting quite a lot of obstacles. After such a revelation, Cansge Sanren could not hide her feeling anymore : her anger toward the Lan clan but also the friendship she felt for the two Lan. Together they fomented a plan to relieve Madam Lan and Qigengh-Jun a bit of their misery. They became partner in crime ! For the better or the worst. But this chapter isn't about them today. We will follow Jiang Fengmian, as he arrived in Dafan Mountain, ready to deal with of what slaughtered the Wen Family.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jiang Fengmian is very proud of his disciples when he comes back to the Dafan mountains. Not only did they all help the Wen remnants, especially the young civilian children, making sure they were cared for and safe, but they also started to secure the area around the cursed temple and the half-destroyed village. Some even started to rebuild the place the statue wrecked in its furious awakening, especially regarding the lost pharmacopee. They are good kids, well trained and generous.
They also lined up the corpses of the Wen Cultivators, and started to identify each one, making a list of the deceased for Wen Ruohan’s registers. They cannot wait for their Sect Leader to bury them, and the rites will take place right before the conference. The lady he met the first evening is apparently the matriarch of the clan now, she tells them that they are a mere family branch and that the Sect Leader will not take offense about it; she even doubts the man will recognize any names on the list, except their head family’s.
“He’s never truly cared about us…” She adds bitterly, patting the head of one of the kids that was orphaned by the attack. Wen Ning and Wen Qing’s cousin, from what Jiang Fengmian gathered. Her grandson. There’s several other kids in the same situation but from he gathered none are trained to be cultivators.
Jiang Fengmian proposes once again to bring them all to Lotus Pier and shelter them, especially those who lost both home and family, but the proud Wen lady refuses. It is their home, their sacred place, they will rebuild everything and stand proud there once again.
Jiang Fengmian sighs, understanding the feeling all too well to insist more. He allows himself a short nap and some food, because he has to rebuild energy after so much traveling. The last thing the Yunmeng Jiang Sect needs is to see their leader fall to exhaustion too. Once he deems himself well enough, he goes and starts using empathy, using one of his disciples and his clarity bell as an anchor.
It’s a dangerous process, one he would rather not use – even if he likes gaining an understanding, it’s oftentimes not worth risking your life – but it’s even more dangerous to face a statue possessed, barely sealed, without knowing anything. His most trusted disciples mimic him, and with their help, they manage to get a glimpse of every single one of the deceased’s tragic end.
Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s parents are the hardest to deal with. Their last moments speak to Fengmian way too much.
Strangely, the origin of the problem started months ago, Jiang Fengmian guesses, not long after Wen Ruohan summoned his lady and Cangse Sanren to his palace. The way to communicate with the Wen Sect Leader is to write on talisman paper apparently, then set it ablaze; that way it is very efficient and immediate. It also leaves absolutely no proof of the message. It is both brilliant and scary. In the letter Wen Ruohan sent to the Wen couple, he ordered the man to give him his newest work and studies on golden cores, a thing that had been going on for a few years, if the absence of surprise from the deceased man is anything to go by. Connected to the man’s spirit memory, Jiang Fengmian even learns that Wen Ruohan asked him to start researching on the subject two years ago, without ever explaining why and for what his research would be used. Immediately Jiang Fengmian thinks of Zhao Zhuliu; and his Wei Changze’s theory about the kid’s fate.
We are two years too late, he realizes. Wen Ruohan already had him for this long? Horror overwhelms him. That means he found the boy only mere months after he got chased away from the Zhao clan!
Then the Wen Sect Leader’s letter stated that he would be visiting the Wen branch’s village in the Dafan mountain soon. He gave no explanation, simply insisting that there should be no fuss about his arrival. He simply transmitted the date he would impose himself on the locals.
It occured when Cangse Sanren were at Cloud Recesses, before they were settling the problem of the Inn. Before Wei Changze had a real network in the region to spy with; because otherwise, he would have known about the Wen’s arrival. It doesn’t change the truth: they missed this.
They were too late again. This time it’s only by a few days. It hurts even more to have been this close.
Jiang Fengmian witnesses how the Sect Leader Wen Ruohan arrived in the village, barely giving any attention to the settlement, investigating everywhere around instead. Jiang Fengmian doesn’t know where the tragic night-hunt took place, months ago, but he guesses that this is what Wen Ruohan was searching back then, escorted by his puzzled cousins. During this visit, eager to please, most of the family branch cultivators showed him around the most spiritual places; their old burial ground, their library, their research center for medicine, but also...An old temple in the mountain. Some of the local Wen family explained to their leader that the statue was so very special , that it was blessed with spiritual energy and elements, that this statue carved itself inside the mountain and should be venerated.
“Yes, this is why it should be sealed here.” The Sect Leader suddenly said, smug, before raising his hand. From the heart of the statue surged a piece of broken Iron. Of course the Wen locals didn’t know what it was, but Jiang Fengmian does. The Iron Yin. If he still had a body, he would have shivered.
Then as the Sect leader left the temple with his artifact, he walked near the his cousin and murmured to his ears:
“You will speak of what you witnessed to no one.” His sword awfully close to the little Wen Qing, even if it’s sheathed, it’s enough to give a message. “You know when a tree gets sick, the easiest way to deal with it is to prune its useless branches? Only weak gardener would hesitate to do that. I like you cousin, but I will not hesitate.”
And Wen Ruohan is many things, but he is not weak. How could he when the Wen territory is so hostile to live in? He never was. The threat is clear. The Wen Sect Leader was gone before the evening ended. The little family all but ran away into another travel, out of fear. Yet they get called back by their family only a few months later, when an epidemic struck.
It took the father an awful lot of time before he understood that it’s their Sect leader’s fault, and that whatever he did to this statue, it is the origin of the epidemic. So he went back to check. He brought almost all his family’s cultivators with him, as he didn’t know what he would face; if it was a monster, a curse, or even an angry god.
It was the statue they venerated for so long.
One moment the Wen family branch is fighting against it, shocked, then they see their children rush to the cavern where they definitely should not be. Anger and worry mixing together in one instant before they get swept away from the ground after a hit. The father fell saving his baby boy; witnessing first hand part of his soul being ripped from him still. He screamed to his wife and children to flee as he fought and died, his skull broken, his heart full with questions: has he bought them enough time? Are they safe? Will they be okay?
The mother lasted longer, she helped her children get away and rushed to the village. Wen Qing cried and cried in her arms, apologizing for letting Wen Ning run away and follow them there, when she should have kept an eye on him. But the mother ignored her distress, since in order to scold her later, she would have to assure there would be a later. She asked the villagers to take everything that is precious, texts, ancestral books, secret weapons, civilians and children, especially children. She told her people to call for help and to go to the inn on the other side of the mountain tracks. And while they obeyed, she glanced one last time at her kids, before joining the last forces of her clan. They had to stop the statue; they tried a trap with sigils and wards.
Jiang Fengmian tries to remember all of what he’s seeing, so he can slip under the seals and deal with the statue in the present.
The mother died because she poured all her spiritual energy into the seal, like all the remaining cultivators of their clan. They did not expect the spiritual statue to be this strong, but as she fell, she did not feel regret. She looked at the fallen-venerated-icon with the petty satisfaction that it would not touch her children, that they won.
What a victory indeed , thinks Jiang Fengmian, sadly.
It’s always harder to look at the corpses for him, once he shared a time with them. Jiang Fengmian stills in front of the line of dead – and regrets they do not have a bigger infirmary. It’s silly. They can’t do much for them now, right? Except try to put their spirits to rest.
He makes a silent vow to their parents; Wen Ning and Wen Qing won’t be left alone with Wen Ruohan. The man caused their annihilation, whether he wanted it or not is a small detail, he still did it. There’s no way the Wen family can move on to their next lives if they know their only heirs are being raised by their killer. Jiang Fengmian doesn't know how he is going to do that yet, but he will find a way.
The statue had not moved from the spot it was sealed, right in the middle of the village. The Wen Clan’s last effort had been rewarded. Jiang Fengmian can feel resentful energy mixed with the seal, it’s as he expected. The only reason all those dead cultivators are not turning into ferocious ghosts is probably thanks to the calming ritual all noble children cultivators go through. But even with the calming ritual, when a cultivator dies, more often than not, their last will enhances their work. It’s basically manipulating resentful energy; even though no one says it that way, because who will blame honorable warriors who gave their whole self to their last task? Yet it is. Curses work that way too; dying wishes tend to make everything stronger, harder to break.
If Wei Changze was there with him, he would look smug and say “Energy is energy.” But He is not. He is dying because his spiritual energy is turning into poison, and it makes Jiang Fengmian sad at the irony. He doesn’t want to think about it. Instead he focuses on the tasks. Knowing what the Wen clan thought when they built up their last spell helps.
The correct order to deal with such artifact is usually: Liberation. Second, suppression. Third, elimination. Liberation obviously wouldn’t work, as it is what Wen Ruohan did with the Yin Iron piece. Suppression cost the lives of almost all the Wen family branch cultivators and some unfortunate civilians...So Jiang Sect will have to destroy the statue, seizing the opportunity of its weakened state. There’s no artifact to retrieve anymore so no need for caution, besides, the seal on it won’t hold forever. Sure they could move the seal back to the mountains and put the statue back in its rightful place...But what’s the point of keeping something as dangerous as this? Especially when its immobilization cost so many lives already? It was once venerated, but the Iron Yin proved that divine artifacts that are stained aren’t good to keep around. Especially when they do not know what triggered the statue and made it turn against the local population now; when the Sect Leader retrieved the artifact months before.
Once it’s done, Jiang Fengmian climbs to the temple to make sure there is no danger remaining there, no resentment whatsoever that could still threaten the already weakened family. The place is completely devoid of the spiritual energy that it once had in the deceased’s memory. Jiang Fengmian is not as smart as Cangse Sanren and does not know much about the Iron Yin, except that it’s a holy artifact that got tainted, but he is willing to bet that the state that this sacred place was reduced to, is the reason why the statue started to move in the first place.
But Jiang Fengmian doesn’t want to miss anything and still insists on a thorough search of the whole place. Cangse Sanren asked him to take some of her newly-made talismans before he went back here; and most of them were incomplete scribbles or defective...One is especially interesting, it is made to track illusions induced by resentful energy, clearing it with spiritual energy. He gives it to some disciples and tells them to copy it and use it to search.
He is right to do so. One of his disciple calls him soon enough. It is the one whose family works at the Inn; Quan Yu.
“Sect Leader, I think you would want to see this!”
He leads him to the back of the temple, getting out of the pagode. Thanks to the talisman, he had found a secret passage that leads to a cave, and in it lies two bodies, almost completely turned into skeletons already. One is a woman cultivator; her robes and sword giving her away. The other is a wolf. Jiang Fengmian’s breath stops in his chest, as the disciple smiles proudly.
“Isn’t this what teacher Wei asked us to find? The cultivator and her sacred beast! Like in the stories!”
Yes. It is. And Jiang Fengmian looks at the cave, again, he is not as smart as his friends, and not even fond of bets, but he would put some money on the idea that this tunnel leads to the other side of the mountain, to the cave his friends almost lost their lives in. It’s a shortcut to the temple.
Jiang Fengmian does not have a lot of energy left, after so many empathy spells, but he forces himself to start again. Still he remembers his promise to be cautious and decides to eat a bit first. He is surprised by how fast he recovers after the simple meal.
Did...Did you start using spiritual energy while cooking, like you planned? Jiang Fengmian doesn’t know if he should be proud (he is definitely) or worried. Did she test this before giving it to him? He hopes she has, and did not use him as a test subject while he is going on such an important mission. He will have to talk to her after that. He almost hears Cansge Sanren’s voice in the back of his mind, though: Well it worked, right? So why should you worry?
And he misses his friend’s carefree behavior, gone with Wei Changze’s health, so he decides to listen to it, just this once, allowing only proudness for his little girl’s success to remain.
The empathy spell is still hard to do though, and he is grateful to have his disciples ready as back-up. This is not like using the spell on minor spirits who just died and had not even got buried with the proper rites, this cultivator’s spirit is old. It is resentful for years of neglect. It’s anger hits Jiang Fengmian at full force. It hates him, and especially his purple robe, it wants to kill him. Yet, what saves Fengmian is that the ghost only awakens at the anniversary of her death. It is not the time yet – even if it’s close.
The cultivator’s name was Xue Ann, he learns, and she was not a rogue cultivator; merely one that did not travel with her clan, only meeting them from time to time. She was never a people person, and loved her spiritual beast’s company more than human’s. Her clan’s duty was to make sure the pieces of the Iron Yin remained hidden. Yet once the piece was hidden somewhere sacred, it would drain the place, slowly but surely. So the Xue also had to keep an eye on the different localisations and change the Iron Yin’s place when the land got too strained by its presence. Xue Ann’s job was to notice the little details indicating such a state, and ask her clan to come and remove the piece. Arriving here, she feared she had to call them back again; it was not as bad as in the Wen’s territory, where she had sent her clan last year, but it was definitely not good. The place was not as fertile as before, and beasts started to act up. People were anxious about their fields and the upcoming winter, they feared they would be starving.Wolf packs were looming in the shadows of the forest and while for now the dogs only snatched a couple of chickens, people feared the day they would find a child weak enough, alone in the field. Their fears made everything worse: soon they would have way too much resentful energy and the monsters would start to appear way too often.
Xue Ann thought it would be a simple trip. But as she walked through the mountain path, determined to check the statue in the temple, her spiritual dog, MoLang, picked up a scent that made him growl and whine at the same time. She followed her pet with increased worry, and found a teenage girl on the ground. While she did not know her name, she knew her. It was the daughter of the merchant's caravan, who worked with her clan, covering their activities and names in exchange for a little bit of help here and there with a curse when their clients did not honour their contracts. She had seen the little girl a year before, when her clan headed to Qishan; she remembered her well – though not enough to know her name – because she had been interested in cultivation and wouldn't take no for an answer; insisting that she had learned by herself. The girl did not get that the Xue were a Clan, and not a Sect, hence they couldn’t just accept outsiders within their ranks, even if it has been so long that they worked with the merchants that the Xue main cultivators all considered them as found-family.
The teenager girl was in an awful state, her feet bleeding, covered by bruises and dehydrated. She had an old chest wound that fortunately had healed but was hot to touch, so probably infected. It was a miracle she was still alive. Xue Ann checked her condition, surprised to find that the girl had a golden core .
You little pest, she had thought then, fondly, You really did learn all by yourself. How many hours did you spend spying on our clan’s training in order to achieve that? Is it how you found out about this secret pathway too?
But she pushed the fondness away and put the injured girl on her spiritual beast’s back, deciding to check on the Iron Yin later. It had been there for the last century, surely, it could wait a day or two more, the real emergency was the teenage girl.
She rushed to the closest town, and asked for a doctor. She lied about her link with the victim, claiming she found her like this on her way, and introduced herself as usual, a rogue cultivator. She ignored how much it would cost her to heal her little friend and so proposed her help to the locals in exchange.
Alas, all the population seemed to suffer was wolves’ attack on their cattle. Nothing much a cultivator could do about. She stayed at the girl’s bedside, until this little one awoke. She had so many questions: what was she doing here, when the clan and caravan were supposed to be in the Wen’s territory? Why was she injured, how the heck did she know about the passageway and since how long had she a golden core? Yet, as soon as the teen girl recognized her, she started to cry.
“They’re all dead! The clan, the merchants, my family, everyone! They killed everyone!”
Jiang Fengmian feels the woman’s dread as his own, the remnants of the nightmare where he saw the death of his family, the fall of his own sect. It hits way too close to home. For one short moment, they are the same. Indignation, outrage, denial and anger. No! No! No! That can’t be!
Xue Ann asked further, and the girl sobbed louder. Her fever was too high, her tales incoherent, all Xue Ann got is that, as the clan was on their way back from the Yin Iron hideout, a bunch of cultivators with their faces clouded by darkness, attacked them. The girl had been following them, hoping to learn more and got trapped in between. The Clan leader was injured but managed to get away dragging her to safety, he asked her to help do some array but it didn’t work and he was dying from his injury.
“He said I shouldn’t go b-back, that I should instead go and find you o-or his son,” she hiccupped. “He told me to hide the Iron Yin...B-but I didn't listen...and when I went back to the camp, they were all...they...”
Xue Ann listened to her story, hollowness in her chest, the same thought turning again and again inside her mind: it’s all over. Everything is lost. The clan. Our sacred duty. Everything... But the teenager didn’t know about the distress she was causing and her decision would cause– she continued, hiccuping:
“The one who murdered my family...I...I asked him why, he said we were as guilty as you, because we were protecting you...I attacked him. I missed and he stabbed me and I fell into the river...and I think he thought he killed me…”
She thought of the chest wound. He probably didn't expect her to have a golden core, and to be able to survive a blow that could be fatal for civilians.
“The iron Yin?” Xue Ann asked, her mind hazy with fear and grief.
“I don't know… I had it when I fell, but not when I got out…– I – I think I lost it in the river…”
Xue Ann’s blood ran cold at the news. No. No! This was, in her mind, the worst possible scenario. The Iron Yin’s influence would spread through all the land because of the water, it would be a disaster! Not only that but they would also be unable to get it back, if it ever went to the sea... No. No it was all right, she remembered; the Iron Yin was a strong artifact and it longed to be reunited, it would find its way to another piece not to the sea, and merge with it. But in the meantime, it would probably cause much damage; water was the worst, it would spread everywhere, tainting the soil and the field, even the rain. It would bring a misfortune to the whole territory, and not a small piece of it! There’s volcanoes in the Wen territory! She thinks panicking. When it was sleeping, volcano sites were fertile and prosperous, but when it woke up...Worst case scenario the Iron Yin might do that.
I have to go look for it, retrieve it! Only Xue clan could find Iron Yin without a piece to guide them, as the curse in their blood would act as a replacement. But… I’m the last one of them...
Grief took over.
The girl shivered, because of the fever and Xue Ann focused on her again, holding her hand. The teen took from her robe a piece of cloth material. It is was big as a thumb, and yet Xue Ann identified it as the remain of a Lan’s forehead ribbon.
“But I...I found this in my father’s fist...When I went back to...bury them…”
If what she said it’s true – and Xue Ann didn't doubt it – then that means the Lan Clan, the ever-so-righteous Lan Clan...The culprit probably didn’t care about taking it off, as he had a spell protecting his identity already. The forehead ribbon is sacred, they could not change it, if they found a Lan with his ribbon shortened, they might know...
But what would be the point!
Xue Ann walked away from the inn, from the bearer of bad news, and went to pet her spiritual beast. Only then, she allowed herself cry and grieve. Xue Ann had been too shaken to think about revenge, she believed the little girl’s words, but at the same time, she didn’t want to. Mechanically she went to the nearest restaurant, and looked for someone...Anyone.
She found a disciple of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. Jiang Fengmian recognizes him immediately, it was one of his father’s best disciples when he was a teen, the man almost became head disciple. He taught Wei Changze and him many stances and often entertained them with his night-hunt stories. He even bought candies for the younger students, and always kept the lemon ones for Changze, and the green apple ones for Fengmian. But he suddenly disappeared and everyone thought he ran away. His father had been so disappointed. Fengmian had been sad, and took many walks through the forest with his best friend, trying to cope with the impression of having been abandoned, while Wei Changze refused to believe the man had run away and looked everywhere in town for months, distributing portraits and looking in all his spare time. All in vain.
Xue Ann didn’t know that, and she grabbed the man’s sleeve. All her caution thrown away she asked, a bit too urgently:
“I...I heard that there was a massacre in Qishan…” She even dared speak of their name, even though she knew she shouldn’t. “The lost Xue Clan...The Xue clan got caught, is that true?”
And unfortunately, the Yunmeng Disciple smiled:
“You’re late! We celebrated their extermination last month!” He laughed. “The world is finally free of the last one who could use the Iron Yin! They caused the starving in Qishan with their demonic curses, you know? They deserved it!”
Jiang Fengmian stills, surprised by the harsh words and hatred in the man’s tone; this is not how he remembers him. Xue Ann stumbled, and couldn’t bring herself to part politely with the man. MoLang growled at the man, and he yelped, afraid, asking her to tame her wolf. She ignored him, and walked through the street, like a corpse, her mind empty, her heart too heavy, her beast following her every step. You got it wrong...We didn’t...We didn’t cause any harm, we protected you from the Yin iron! It was not our clan that caused the starvation, we were not here to curse you, we were there to take the Iron Yin so your land could recover from hiding it… We were trying to save you! How could you get it so wrong?
So many centuries, years of work and devotion, to protect those people? She wanted to cry. Yet, still, her teaching and education were still stronger. They already lost one piece, a century ago, because of Baoshan Sanren, she couldn’t let he clan legacy fall. They couldn’t fail once again. She hated it. Her spiritual beast sensed her distress by her side and whined.
If someone took the Iron Piece, she thought, scared, I need to hide the rest. I’m the only one left…!
Not the only one, the Clan’s heir was like her, a wanderer, maybe she could find him, maybe they could regroup and...She didn’t like him, but the survival of the clan was more important; as long as the Iron Yin existed, there had to be a Xue to protect it. To understand it. To remember. She had to do something. Now . She couldn’t wait. What if their attackers did not simply kill them all? What if they captured some and tortured and got the other hidden places out of their mouth? What if the teenage girl didn’t survive by accident and was instead followed? The whole world peace would be compromised! She had to do something! Without a second thought, she rushed back to the mountain track.
But she was followed. The Yunmeng Jiang disciple she asked earlier, Jiang Fengmian notices him as he outrun her. What causes Xue Ann’s downfall is awfully stupid. The spiritual beast of Xue Ann whined again, as they almost reached the end of the tunnel, distressed by the person who was chasing them, but Xue Ann hadn’t realized it. She mistook her pet’s distress for something else and turned to it to comfort and caress its head. Years of wandering with a pet as sole companion made her consider the beast as human, and she often talked to MoLang like a real person. So as she petted her, Xue Ann said, loud and clear:
“I know, I know you’re tired and angry and you worry about the girl...but Ineed to hide the Iron Yin, this place is compromised, I need to…”
“You’re one of them!”
The Yunmeng Jiang disciple reached them, and unsheathed his sword, blinded by rage. Jiang Fengmian orders him to let go, but of course he is not heard, he is not there, he is a ghost, he is Xue Ann. And Xue Ann is not ready for battle, she is distressed and mourning, she does not compare to the deadly style of the Jiang. Before she even realized it, he’d given her a lethal wound. Her hand barely clenches on her murderer’s robe as she falls, and her fingers curl on his clarity bell, taking it with her. She choked on air, her mind clouded with the sentiment of failure, of disappointment. The sound did little to appease her suffering. She saw her spiritual beast attacking her murderer, unable to move, bleeding on the ground. The Yumeng Jiang disciple, was however, very talented. As talented as Jiang Fengmian remembers. He subdued the beast and wounded it seriously. As he dragged the dog out, Xue Ann’s consciousness faltered, no . Not her friend. Not her family. Not her clan! She cried:
“Don’t take him from me!”
Molang struggled, and she ordered:
“Get away! Run! Go get help!”
She thought of the villagers, the inn tenants, they all saw her with her beast, surely if Molang managed to get away and go to them they would understand that she needed...She needed...Resentful energy answered to her call as her own spiritual strength deflated. Black tendril from the Iron Yin, hidden within, echoing her plea. She lost consciousness. When she came back to her senses, she was already a spirit, a bare consciousness. Jiang Fengmian by her side. She didn’t realize she was dead yet, and encouraged by her light body, she flew to her spiritual beast’s help. She passed through the cave and saw the corpse of the Yunmeng Jiang disciple, his throat bitten through. She hurried, faster, but the forest was getting full of villagers, screaming, they seemed to chase someone, something. It took an awfully long time for her to understand; while Jiang Fengmian, who had read Wei Changze’s report, already knew.
The villagers screamed. Kill the wolf! Kill it! They talked about a bloody beast who entered a inn and tried to drag his victim out. They talked about a teenager who had already been devoured. And Xue Ann panicked No! No! She is just wounded! We rescued her! She refused to believe Molang would have hurt her, her beast probably understood that she would be the only one to help and then...Then…
Molang appeared again, his flanks wounded, a fork planted on his side. It whined. It was dying. It called for help, for Xue Ann. She couldn’t reach him! And then, the resentment, the grief finally hit the cultivator, as she saw her beast being hunted by the very humans they protected. Again. Again. Ungrateful! They dedicated their whole life to protecting them! Generation upon generation, accepting the shame of their ancestors, the curse in their blood, and that was how they thanked them? By slaughtering her clan? By killing her only friend?
As MoLang howled, answering to her cultivator’s hatred, everything turned red. The beast changed, it turned into something else, something entirely new and demonic, something that could obey his master’s desire and call of vengeance. Something that was neither her or him anymore but a mix of two. And so it killed. It killed and devoured. Everything that stood in its way, it killed until dawn. And when there was no one left inside the forest, everyone fleeing from the monster, it dragged its body to the tunnel, to the Jiang master who killed them...And ate him...Then his stomach full and his heart hollow, it dragged his body near the the other half of its soul, and collapsed near his master. It didn’t rest. It didn’t die. It merely closed its eyes. Their bodies died, but not their spirits, unified in this single moment of insanity, they were preserved. Trapped in a never ending nightmare. No, please we are just trying to help! Don’t kill us, please, understand! Go get help. No, don’t take him away from me! Stupid villagers how dare you betray us! Die! They thought it was a fever each time, very much like the one that shook the teenager girl. It awoke them in a jolt, confused and hurt, and they did it again. And again. Like their last night. Until that one time, where their prey escaped their jaw. While they looked for it, they picked a scent similar to the disciple who killed them. Yunmeng Jiang. Wei Changze. His very skin smelled like spice, like the one that clung to the man who killed them, mixed with Lotuses and river beds. They were about to chase him when they heard a dizi song. Something, someone, someones, got close and brushed their consciousness. A man with no body. The Iron Yin, recognized Xue Ann, faintly. Xue Ann and MoLang died, so close to the Iron Yin, they dedicated her whole life to the Iron Yin, her blood belonged, was cursed by the Iron Yin. She couldn’t do anything but obey it in her state. And if she obeyed, so did Molang. So did Jiang Fengmian.
Then he heard the clarity bell and opened his eyes. The disciple welcomed him, pale and worried.
“You were gathering resentment, I thought...I…”
“You did well..” Assured Jiang Fengmian. Had he stayed longer inside the cultivator’s mind, he would have been lost. He had lost himself for a short time but he had found valuable information too. His heart is heavy, he looks at the corpses in front of him.
“They need a proper burial...And to be appeased.” He says to his disciple. There is no doubt that it is an order. He is too weak to do it himself, but he will see this through. He will make sure they are recognized now, esteemed, and not betrayed or humiliated one last time. He will apologize in the name of his sect, though he doubts it will ease their mind. Xue Ann was killed by one of them, even if his actions allows her spirit to rest...She will never forgive the Sect. That much he knows.
Sadly, he kneels near the cultivator's corpse, and opens her skeleton hand. The clarity bell is still there.
Jiang Fengmian thinks of the man he admired as a teen, the one who killed her. And he doesn’t know if he is sad now – knowing he is dead – or disappointed because he killed an innocent, wrongly. He doesn’t know. He is very tired right now. He wants this matter to end. He wants this place to know peace. He wants them all to know peace.
His grip tightens on his sword, Héping, peace, and once again, it’s all he ever wanted. Then why is it so hard to achieve, he wonders?
Notes:
There's a secret in this chapter, that will lead to another revelation. Bonus point for who guess what it is ! I can't say more without giving you a make-the-enigma-easy-clue. So =x
I apologize for the angst, promise during he conference I will make the whole arc super hyper cute to make up for it!
See you on Friday for next chapter =) ...Here is something to give you "hope"...In the next chapter, someone wakes up!
Oh by the way, I adore looking at the bookmarks in this story because I discovered some people write something about the story (add tag or a comment) last month...And some description of the fic make me so happy!! So thank you all, you silent readers who leave a comment ont their bookmark, I hope you don't mind me reading it, I find it super cute and thank you for that <3
Chapter 49: Toward the light (but not that light!)
Notes:
Hello everyone!
Wow it's already Friday? I can't believe it , this week went so fast xo I barely noticed anything. I can't wait for holidays...Anyways as usual thank you very much dear readers, for your kudos, comments, and even bookmarks <3 I'm so blessed with you all!Fraudulent_moose stayed up super late to edit this chapter, it's thanks to him that the English is good.
Previous chapter summary -> Jiang Fengmian dealt with the Dafan mountain tragedy ; making sure the cultivators from the Wen branch family were at peace. He performed empathy on them to know what exactly happened ; and was not happy with what he found. Not only Wen Ruohan found the Iron Yin piece inside the statue of the Dafan temple but it caused its transformation into a monster and the slaughtering that followed. Though the Wen's memory he also found out that the Wen Sect Leader had found Zhao Zhuliu, two years prior and already has a hold on him. If this wasn't already enough bad news, when the Jiang Sect dealt with the Statue -destorying it once and for good- they also stumbled on the corpses of a cultivator and her spiritual beast. Empathy allowed him to learn the name of the person that almost killed his friends ; Xue Ann, of the Xue Clan. Years ago, as she checked the iron piece in the statue, worried it might wear out its hiding place of spiritual energy, she stumbled upon an injured young girl. The teenager was a acquaintance ; daughter of the merchants who welcomed and hid the Xue clan among them ; and unfortunately she told her an awful truth ; the Xue clan had been found out and slaughtered, the iron yin piece lost inside the river, their sect leader killed after he tried to curse his killer...While the teen clung to her only clue to find the culprit ; a piece of Lan sacred headband, Xue Ann ran to the Iron yin, hoping to take it and hide it better before its localisation was compromised. She never made it though it, as a Yunmeng Jiang disciple, hostile to the Xue Clan, followed her and killed her. Her spiritual beast turned into a demon because of the shock and tried to seek help only to be hunted by the nearby villagers. When Jiang Fengmian left the empathy spell, he finally knew the truth behind the night-hunt ; but that didn't make him feel any better.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian looks at his father, his consciousness barely holding on. It is not because there’s a barrier around Lotus Pier that the Yiling Patriarch isn’t here anymore. It is merely that no one else can see him. But he can. He sees them. And he is furious.
He is playing dizi, trying to drag the resentful energy back to him. Wei Wuxian is already drowning in it anyways, what’s a little more going to do? Yet he hears guqin in the back of his mind and he growls. Get lost. He knows that Lan Zhan hates his demonic cultivation, but it’s thanks to his demonic cultivation that he is there, among them all, alone with a consciousness still intact and sane (sometimes), when he wanted nothing more than to die. It is thanks to his demonic cultivation that he can manipulate, help and alter this new reality to give them a chance to be happy! He saved his parents thanks to this demonic cultivation of his!
So shut the fuck up and let me work! He screams. The Guqin doesn’t stop. He is stubborn. He is dead. They’re all dead. No, far worse than dead: they’re trapped in this strange state of existing and not-living still. Because of him. Because of the Iron Yin.
Wei Wuxian tries to focus on his father’s energy, trying to save him from the Qi deviation; since the Lan couple is there – are they there too? He never met them in his timeline – the stubborn Wei Changze seems better. Their song, while totally different, mixes well with his, one clearing the body while the other takes the toxicity from it. But...Wei Changze would have died if Wei Wuxian hadn’t used his dizi to absorb the energy. He wants to hurl, he wants him to hear his order: Don’t ever do that again! You almost died! Again! After I just saved you! Can’t you take care of yourself? (He hears laughs in the background but can't identify whose soul dares mocks him so)
Maybe, maybe I could summon the Lan healers here too, He thinks briefly. Lan Juan and Lan Yuan are bound to be somewhere in this pit of darkness, a mix of souls and resentment. They know much more about Qi Deviation than he does, maybe they could help from this side!
Wei Wuxian never tried that yet, but he thinks now is as good as any other time, so he focuses on the melody. He does not have arms anymore technically, nor a flute, but when he believes he does, it happens. It’s weird; to be and not to be at the same time. He thought he would get used to it eventually, but he does not. Just like he does not get used to how time and space flies through him like water between his fingers. When one of the Lan’s souls finally answers his call, he is not by Wei Changze’s side anymore.
The one who comes close to him is not Lan Juan. He does not find her anywhere. It is Lan Yuan. And the Lan is awfully angry and bitter. More than a Lan should be allowed to. Wei Wuxian frowns and tries to establish contact. He regrets this decision immediately.
His Lan Yuan is not like the one his family met. He is not working at the Lan Infirmary Head anymore. I have a son to take care of, let me go! His soul roars. Wei Wuxian frowns, and reaches out to the tendril of resentment, grabbing it so he can follow the lead and manipulate the spirit like he usually does. It is much like empathy, and for a short moment he gets glimpses of the origin of the anger.
In his timeline, Lan Juan died during the SunShot campaign. She gave birth to a son a little bit before the war broke out, yet was deemed healthy enough to be sent to the battlefield before nightless city. Surrounded by puppets she expelled all her Qi from her skin, self destructed and managed to take the cursed corpses with her.
Her husband’s emotions are in turmoil, pride and hate mixing with guiltiness and regrets. I should have gone on the battlefield, even though I'm a healer, I'm also a better fighter. Even though he knows that in her situation, no one would have survived, her or him it would have made no difference. Even more wrong; she at least managed to make her death useful to the Clan while his corpses would have just added the rank of Wen Ruohan’s puppets.
Still, she shouldn’t have been sent in the first place! Lan Yuan thinks with clarity, but insane thoughts, paranoid ones, still make their way in: They wanted to get rid of her for so long, they seized the opportunity to keep their hands clean!
Wei Wuxian can’t help but smirk; how this feels familiar. For a moment he can see in the man’s memory an anxious Lan Xichen, who denies it completely “ This is not true, Lan Yuan this is your grief speaking, they would not...they would never. It was just bad luck. It was war.” But the Lan Yuan of his time, refused to listen to the young master. He refused to listen to anyone anymore.
One of the elders asked for the research they had on Qi deviation, saying that it would save lives, and Lan Yuan laughed because the only life he wanted to save had been lost already. Furious, he refused to write down his research and give them to Cloud Recesses after the campaign. It has been burned down with his home, just before his wife, he said.
You didn’t want her work while she was there, you insisted it would be mine. I don’t want it. You don’t get it. You don’t get to use her legacy, he had thought, petty . Instead he said that it hurt too much to think about it and so couldn’t rewrite it.
Elders mistook his rage for grief and didn’t push, Lan Xichen told him to take his time. Lan Yuan let them be blind and retired from his position in the infirmary for a lesser job, one with less responsibilities and more time. One that allowed him to be left alone and raise his baby. Elders insisted he use this time to try and restart his studies too, but Lan Yuan was bitter. Oh he did study, because he couldn’t disobey a direct order, but not what they wanted him to. Instead he started writing a whole essay about the clan rules, determining their origins and their usefulness.
The first one he showed to the elders was: You should not kill. It had been written after Lan Yi’s disappearance; a reaction elders of the time had after the overuse of the assassination technique. Because those elders were righteous. Unlike them.
He was still at Cloud Recesses, punished for this silent provocation, when time split and the world collapsed because of the Yin iron. This Lan Yuan is not conscious it even happened. He is just suffering and confused, like most of the spirits there. Sometimes Wei Wuxian feels like he is the only one who does know what happened; and he still feels like he doesn’t quite get the situation he is in, what he can and cannot do, which says a lot. He releases Lan Juan’s spirit, and the little ghost fire disappears immediately, burning to go where he is needed, to his son’s soul. He won’t help; and Wei Wuxian won’t force him. His grief echoes with his.
Can he help his wife survive the war, he wonders?
It’s hard enough to help his family. He can’t do much, but manipulate resentful energy – and yet again only resentful energy tainted by the Yin Iron’s presence! Heck, his own consciousness truly awoke only when his little self got close to the Iron Yin piece, on the day of the night-hunt. He had to improvise a lot of what happened that day. Barely even conscious, he got linked by the Iron Yin to Xue Ann and her spiritual-turned-demon beast, felt their hatred for Jiang Sect, understood what it would mean for his parents, for Wei Changze...And had to make out plan on the spot as he discovered what he could and couldn’t do.
It...Ended up not as disastrous as he thought it would – even if his young self got wounded, it was honestly the least wrong he could do. He did his best to manipulate the wolf but it was a dog! Seriously they were lucky he managed to influence him just this much – making him think he was retrieving the teenage girl at the inn, like Xue Ann ordered him too, so many years ago! Back then Wei Wuxian just wanted to curl up and cry. It didn’t help that manipulating resentful energy here worked a lot like going through empathy while being awake; accessing the target’s memory helped to manipulate them but it was not pleasant. He is never going into a dog’s head ever again. It was only because Wei Wuxian could use the cultivator ghost as a mediator to control the spiritual beast-turned-demon that he managed anything with his phobia. Wei Ying, his younger self, got himself out safe, the beast got tricked. Wei Wuxian made him think he was bringing the teenage girl from his memory; It didn’t want to hurt her, just bring her back alive to his fallen master, so he did the same to the little boy! And so he didn’t focus on Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren, killing like it desperately wanted! All the hard work and traumatic experiences for all of them, only for Wei Changze to QI deviate on them months later!
Seriously, dad! He complained. He was glad he got to meet them, both him and his mother, but he regretted not being able to kick their butts right now. Maybe that would work and wake him up at the very least!
Wei Wuxian can’t do much else...
The little version of himself is awake, so he can’t channel through his body, or use his nightmare to go to the man’s mind. He doesn’t know why he needs the kid to be asleep for his own self, Wei Wuxian, to get to his full potential; maybe it has to do with his own kid-spirit not meddling with his adult-self? He needs to theorize about it. But to theorize he needs time off with a clear mind. Which he has not, the moment he relaxes he gets swapped into a strange state of not existing. Even if he could find a reason and use this way now though, Wei Wuxian barely found a way to influence the dream sent by the Iron Yin. He cannot choose what they see, only protect them from the backslash. The one time he tried to channel his spirit inside it the nightmare that resulted almost killed them and made him lost track of time and his sense of self for who know how long...He would rather not try again. It is infuriating.
Finally, Wei Changze’s state shifts, and he takes a deep breath in. He is not in the same room as Wei Wuxian; or is he? Wei Wuxian can see Wen Ning and Wen Qing in the infirmary. Can he be in two places at the same time? He does not know, he is learning on the spot. He focuses on the matter at hand. Wei Wuxian is no expert in Qi deviation, but he thinks his father is going to be okay. He...hears the screams of the resentful energy around him, of those who are lost, those who are trapped like him, neither dead or alive. But I’m dead. I was dying. I should be dead. I want to be dead. The guqin laments again. Wei Wuxian flees, trying to get away, trying to be at one place at the same time before becoming overwhelmed again. As he passes through his childhood home, untouched yet, unburned, safe, he almost hears Jiang Cheng’s yells. Then he stops, in front of the infirmary, a voice calling: Young master Wei. Wen Ning’s voice.
But Wen Ning is dead; he had been killed a second time, as he gave himself – and his sister – up to the Jin. Because of me. Because I lost control. He saw his ashes being scattered to the wind. He can’t be there. Only living people, or dying people, have enough consciousness in the Iron Yin to talk. Not dead ones. And Wei Wuxian loves this fact as much as he hates it; because he feels alone and sad and wants to see his loved ones, the ones he lost, again. But he is also very afraid because he doesn’t know how he can face his sister, his dear sister and her anger, her last words she didn’t get to say to him. Do you hate me? You must hate me. I hate me. I should be dead, not you.
Again, the voice of Wen Ning resounds in the darkness that is his world, like in a cave. Sometimes, when Wei Wuxian loses his clarity, all he sees is the nightmare. He tries to stay sane. He has a job to do. He can’t lose control again. He must hold on to this and save them. He is the only one who can, he is the only demonic... No there’s Xue Yang, and someone else he can’t quite remember. He hears the mad man laugh in the darkness, where he rejoices. but Xue Yang doesn’t want to be saved from darkness, and he doesn’t want to save anyone. He takes pleasure in their suffering.
Wei Wuxian is the only one who can save them. You and your hero complex! Jiang Cheng snarls. He ignores him. Covers his ears. Do you want to save your sect and parents or not? Yet, again, the ghost of Wen Ning calls him. Young master, he says. Young master let me help. I’m here.
And before he knows it, Wei Wuxian feels a part of their souls rip away from their bodies. From what they are. Wen Ning. He doesn’t know how his friend is still alive, but he can feel him. And he can senses his presence, his intent, better than anyone else. Others are just fragments of thoughts and songs, like Lan Zhan. Wen Ning...Well Wen Ning is the closest to what they are now, in this stilled reality. Maybe that helps. That’s what the living corpse thinks. The Wen stumbles through both realities and drags himself to his tiny version. To the boy who just lost his parents and a part of his mental cognition.
I’m sorry I couldn’t help and prevent that from happening...apologizes Wei Wuxian.
He can’t go far away from his little self...The only time he managed to do so, was when a piece of the Iron Yin had been close, so close, in the cold pond. And the dancing statue had been robbed of its piece. Yet it had been in contact with the piece for so long that even the wounds the statue inflicts are ghosts of what the Iron Yin can do. After all, the statue had taken shape thanks to the Iron Yin’s influence, and without it, it was aware it would disappear, turning into this soul-eating monster to survive, looking for spiritual power where it could.
Maybe Wei Wuxian could have done something. If he knew when it had happened. If he had been close. I should have done something...
But, Wen Ning, ever so kind and gentle, forgives him again. It’s okay, you couldn’t do anything, he assures still .
His memories are one of a small child, so it’s confused and blurry, but his sister told him many times what happened to their family when he grew up. So he allows Wei Wuxian to know that. Wen Ruohan would have gone to the place no matter what, he tells him. By accident, right after the conference.
Wei Wuxian doesn’t know why, but Jin Guangshan’s memory invites himself over the matter, sharing with him a glimpse of this event; as he is the last one who had participated in it and had still been alive in their time. Wei Wuxian shakes him away, annoyed, but not before he sees a young Jiang Fengmian worrying about the absence of news on Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren, asking each sect leaders how long since they last heard about them and where...Unaware of their deaths yet but starting to worry. It had been the talk of the conference in their time; what people were reminded of, it confirmed the rumors saying that Jiang Fengmian was still very much in love with Cangse Sanren, in Jin Guangshan’s mind at the very least.
Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath in, and focus on brushing away the parasite, his mind returning to Wen Ning’s story with a lot of effort. Wen Ning is still there, not lost yet, and he waited to resume his tales.
Wen Ruohan went to Dafan mountain because wanted Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s father to finally meet Wen Zhuliu and work on his core theory with the boy’s ability in mind, not satisfied to work on this in secret anymore. And he found the Iron Yin while visiting the place for the first time.
The events in the new timeline just happened months sooner than it should have been. Wen Ruohan would have still turned away and left the Baanch Family to be slaughtered; the only notable difference Wen Ning spots is that in his Ghost general’s memory, the statue attacked only a mere couple of hours after being ripped off the Iron Yin and not months after. Taking a part of the souls of most of the remnants of the branch family, civilians included, in the process, not just the cultivator’s lives like Jiang Fengmian explained when he arrived. The statue took them by surprise and they paid the price. Wei Wuxian theorizes that it’s because her whole environment already reached such a poor spiritual state back in their original timeline, and being ripped of the Iron Yin made it go into a starved, despaired mindset, trying to survive from the shock at all cost. Wen Ning doesn’t know, doesn’t confirm.
Wen Ruohan, who had been staying in the village of Dafan after he found the piece, had come back and sealed the statue himself.
Sister told me Wen Ruohan noticed her as she tended to my wounds, and he asked her to heal his...Before deciding that she would do good enough, if he rose her at Qishan under the best doctors’ tutelage.
Wen Ruohan took them in, with all the medical secrets, techniques and texts, leaving the civilian survivors to deal with the aftermath by themselves. If Wen Ning was physically able to curse and say swear words – which Wei Wuxian is practically sure he can’t – he would have called the Wen Sect leader a bastard, right here and now.
Wei Wuxian still thinks he should have been able to save his friend’s family somehow, in this new timeline. Wen Ning’s words make him feel worse; he made them orphaned earlier, now . He hates this. He only causes suffering to his loved ones. He hates this state, he hates feeling so overwhelmed by the souls, feeling so strong, and yet so weak and exposed, trapped by his own power.
Wei Wuxian knows what Wen Ning wants, he almost did it too: merging with his old self, seizing the opportunity that they do not have a core to hide here. He did not...He could not. He doesn't’ know why. I don’t want to kill a kid. He wants to think it’s the reason. But it’s not that, he just couldn’t fit in his little self’s chest, not completely at least. And now that he is developing a core, it is even less possible. It would have made things easier though. Yet, unlike him; Wen Ning’s soul goes in easily, and without his help at all. His cognition enters the little boy’s body and fits right in in the space where his soul got ripped out. Like he always belonged here. Maybe he did.
Maybe the two realities meet in a strange way; after all, the Iron Yin is indirectly responsible for Wen Ning’s soul being partially shattered in the first place, and they are now, part of the Iron Yin. It seems logical.
Young master Wei, Wen Ning whispers, again. Let me help. It hurts, because that’s exactly the last words his sister and him told him, along with the thank you and sorry Wen Qing said. It hurt so much he cannot accept it. Last time what good did their help bring, exactly? Death. Only death. They are all stuck in this, but he is not willing to take the risk to have worse. Come back he orders, but, Wen Ning does not listen, he says:
“You’re doing exactly like your father, young master…And I won’t let you end up like him.”
As if the ghosts around him realize he is weakened, that they can disobey him just like the ghost general did. They surge and attack his consciousness. He lets Wen Ning go and focuses on his defense with anxiety. He hears Guqin again and wonders who is playing, his consciousness fading.
***
Wen Ning, wakes up on the fourth morning. A-Cheng and A-Ying are the first to notice it; they developed a habit of sneaking into the infirmary every morning before breakfast (just to check, okay?) and so were there the moment it happened.
At first they are not allowed to stay by his side; doctors chase them out of the place – like they always do, while they call A-Qing and A-Li. The two brothers go hide in the room where Wei Changze is resting. They have to whisper, because Lan Juan is playing a strange song. A-Ying can’t wait for his daddy to be back too. But right now he has something else in mind:
“It’s not fair!” Complains A-Ying on his mother’s laps. “I want to play with A-Ning!”
“Yeah, Yeah!” Insists A-Cheng. “He napped enough! I have toys to show him too!”
Cangse Sanren smiles. Lan Juan can’t participate to the conversation, she plays the song for Wei Changze, but she seems to listen closely still.
“Why don’t you play with Wen Qing then? I’m sure she would love to,” Proposes Lan Yuan as he checks Wie Changze’s pulse.
“She doesn’t want to play with us! She only plays with A-Li!” Grumbles A-Cheng. “I tried!”
A-Ying smirks and explains:
“He threw his toys at her head and she looked at him like angry auntie and we ran!”
“I didn’t mean to hit her with it!” Protests A-Cheng. “I just aimed wrong.”
“I will teach you how to gift the ladies,” Offers Cangse Sanren with a not-so-serious nod.
“I don’t want to!”
“Mommy, mommy, now that A-Ning is awake, are we going to adopt him?” Asks A-Ying eagerly.
Cangse Sanren hums as if she gives the idea a thought for real, then smiles.
“You already have a cute brother!” She says, pinching A-Cheng’s cheek – the boy squirms and hides in the corner of the room, glaring angrily at his aunt after that move.
“True,” concedes A-Ying, yet looking disappointed, which infuriates A-Cheng.
“You can’t have A-Ning as a brother,” he adds, as if that's the worst thing that could ever happen: “If you do, you get A-Qing as sister too!”
“Two big sisters!” Smiles A-Ying, stars in his eyes, which is obviously not the reaction A-Cheng expected.
“My sister is the best! A-Qing is-”
“What am I?”Asks A-Qing appearing behind him.
A-Cheng does not jump in Lan Yuan’s arm, it’s just that the healer dropped everything he had in his one hand to pick him up. He is the sect heir, people do that a lot for him! Wen Qing glares at him, and he doesn't’ know what he did wrong. Fortunately she is not alone, because A-Li is just behind her, smiling, pushing a carrier full of food and medicines...And…
“He is here!” A-Ying beams, as Wen Ning shivers and hides behind his sister.
“What a cute Wen baby!” Squeals Cangse Sanren.
Wen Qing nods in approval, and she pats her little brother’s head, ruffing up his hair.
“What do you say, A-Ning?” She asks her brother. And both A-Cheng and A-Ying swear they never heard her speak with such a soft voice before (they barely heard her speak since her arrival, only to A-Li, and they talked about boring stuff like cooking and medicine, but that’s a small detail).
Wen Ning squirms a little bit, then makes the tiniest, cutest bow ever as he stammers:
“T-Thank you.”
“For?” Insists A-Qing.
“For h-healing me.”
The zither song ends with a false note, they all turn their head to Lan Juan. The Lan woman is trembling from head to toe and looking at the little boy with stars in her eyes, like he is the cutest baby in the whole world, and then turns to her husband:
“Dear, I want a baby like this one!” She pleads.
Lan Yuan visibly blanches at the request, and after a moment of hesitation, he says:
“Sorry...I just have this one.”
And gives her A-Cheng like he is some consolation prize.
“It’s okay he is cute too…” Mumbles Lan Juan, and Jiang Yanli beams, agreeing with her, while A-Qing obviously thinks her brother is still better. She tugs her A-Ning closes to her just in case someone would try to take him away too. But forgets to take into account that maybe, A-Ning had opinions about who he wanted to hide behind. And he chose to hide behind Wei Wuxian apparently. Wei Wuxian stops moving like he does when his cat sits on his laps, his eyes wide and full with stars, as he mouth silently “I am the chosen one!”
They all ignore the way A-Cheng hurls as he is still hugged to death by the Lan healers. They should probably not laugh at the boy’s expense, but it’s so fun to hear him howl and protest while he is being cooed over. A-Ying ends up saving him, abandoning A-Ning to save his real brother (Well, okay, cousin but they are brothers in their hearts, okay?) bravely taking A-Cheng’s place on Lan Juan’s laps, ready to be cuddled – hum – sorry, sacrificed. This is strange chaotic scene that Meng Yao faces, as he enters the room. All eyes fall on him, and he almost squeals like a mouse in front of a cat.
“I...I got early...and...Madam told me it was okay to visit now…” He says, with a tensed smile. “I...is it okay?”
“Of course it is okay!” States Cangse Sanren with a smile so bright it’s almost like she is back to normal. And immediately she gets near her sleeping husband and mutters:
“Changze, your little disciple is there to see you! You’re missing out, so much! There’s like...10 babies in the same room, it’s adorable!”
“There’s barely 7, speaking of that, I’m out, this is too much like a nursery.” Comments Lan Yuan.
“Oh no, there’s one baby less in the room!” Laments Cangse Sanren.
Lan Yuan smiles, amused, as he exists.
They spend the whole time for breakfast together, in this too-small room for them, and yet, they have a lot of fun. At some point Yu Ziyuan and her maids invite themselves over. Meng yao doesn’t say much, but A-Ying can see how he checks regularly on his daddy’s breathing, like he is afraid it will stop. He didn’t think much of the boy until now, simply protecting him from meanies like his mother and father asked him to do, but maybe he is okay. He seems to care. That’s enough for Wei Wuxian, in all honesty.
Wen Ning is a bit too clumsy to eat alone still, and his sister helps him like he is a baby. So A-Ying acts like a baby too so A-Li can have a contest of big sister with A-Qing. The two girl seem to be becoming friends. The Wen boy still has the strange black star shaped marks on his skin though. When A-Ying woke up, most of his marks had faded away, but the boy’s skin is still very much scarred, and the tissue doesn’t seem to be anywhere near healed. A-Ying wonders if it itches. It looks like it would itch.
When Yu Ziyuan reminds them it is time for training, she invites A-Qing and A-Ning to join them. A-Ning is only three, so he can’t do much, but A-Cheng, despite his protests about not wanting his parents to adopt the Wen kid, seems pretty ready already to act as A-Ning’s big brother. (Or maybe he just doesn’t want A-Xian to act as a brother with someone else, who know? Probably not himself) So A-Cheng carries A-Ning out like he is some puppy and gets scolded by A-Qing for doing so.
“You’re going drop him!” She says.
“I’m not! I’m trained! I’m the sect heir!”
“That’s has nothing to do with it! Give him back! I can carry him.
”
“No you can’t you’re a girl!”
Wen Qing, vexed, takes A-Cheng in her arms, carrying him and her little brother at the same time, and gives the boy a smug glance, while Cangse Sanren and Lan Juan applause. Yu Ziyuan does not smile, but she definitely appreciates this:
“Keep this for training. Come on, kids, up we go. Disciples are already waiting for you.”
“Ah my heart...You are becoming so good at keeping kids,” sighs Cangse Sanren. “Soon you’ll not need me anymore for babysitting and get rid of me…!”
“How can I? You’re the babiest among them.” Yu Ziyuan says, and she looks super proud of herself when she glances at Cangse Sanren shocked expression. She exits before her sworn sister can fight back.
A-Ying gives his mommy a kiss on the cheek, but before he goes and follows after Meng Yao, he stops. He eyes his daddy, who is still sleeping soundly, and pats his head, his heart heavy. He knows the man is fighting to wake up, but it’s been so long already and A-Ning is awake, so why isn’t he too? He asks this question aloud and he can see his mother’s eyes fill with sadness. For a short moment he regrets his question.
“Actually, he should wake up very soon.” States Lan Juan, confident.
“Really?” Asks Cangse Sanren, sadness turning into hope.
“How do you know?” Inquires Jiang Yanli, who apparently didn’t leave following her friend.
Lan Juan hums.
“I’ve been testing a new method, and look how his eyes are moving behind his lids, now,” She points out his face, and it’s true that daddy looks like he is frowning a bit. “It’s a sign it works, he is in a less deep slumber.”
“What’s the method?” Wonders Jiang Yanli.
“It’s simple, when the patient is asleep I speak to him while playing our healing songs. I describe places they like and feel safe in.”
“But he is already in his bed,” says A-Ying, because it’s the place his daddy prefers to be most in the world, especially when Mommy and him are in it already so they can all cuddle.
Mommy chuckles.
“Your daddy likes many other places, you know? He likes Cloud Recesses’ library, and our tent, and you remember the river we always stop and swim at, when we were near Yiling? And also, there’s an underground spring he used to go to with your uncle, when they were kids…”
“He hates a lot of places too!” A-Ying points out, and when Mommy frowns at him, as if she doesn’t get it he lists it: “He hates the place that is smelly and where people drink! and he hates where it’s all shiny and goldy. And he hates the place where they roll the grass pfiou, pfiou…”
Mommy is obviously confused, so A-Ying insists; since apparently it’s very important that his daddy stays in a good place, and they have to be sure he doesn’t go to bad places too!
“You remember! The place! The place he said it was too big and he didn’t like it! Where he was like “grblm” and he looked around always and I almost fell into the hole but he got me, and he fell in the hole and got all scratchy because of herbs and it was itchy and he started to say he wanted to go away, but you told me he was a baby and we put gloves on his hands because he scratchy all the time!”
“Ah this place!” Mommy finally says, with a big smile. “Oh yeah you’re right A-Ying! What was the name of the place again? Oh gods I Forgot.”
A-Ying crosses his arms on his chest and pouts; how could she forget, he was counting on her because he didn't’! Anyways, he turns to Lan Juan and tells her, very seriously:
“Do not go there!”
Lan Juan smiles and promises, as she resumes:
“I won’t. We’re only talking about good places. What’s the matter is that he pictures it in his head. Then once he feels safe enough, I try to tell him there’s noise outside, or maybe warmth...Anything that could feel nice actually, I suggest he get out of his safe place and open one eye to see what’s up…Globally, to go toward the light.” She pauses and seems to realizes what she said when she faces Cangse Sanren’s expression. “Not that light! Another one! A figurative one!”
“And it works?” Jiang Yanli wonders, as skeptical as A-Ying.
“Well, maybe, it’s the first time I’ve tried! But he is definitely sleeping less soundly and his eyes movements show that he is not in deep slumber anymore, so…Though even if he wakes up, it will probably only for a short while. I don’t think he will be able to stay awake for a full day before a week or two…”
A-Ying still promises himself that he will make a whim tonight so he can sleep in his daddy’s bed. Maybe daddy pictures it in his head, but that can’t hurt him if it happens in real life too, right? He can also brings his cat with him, surely wufa purring close will do him good. It comforted A-Ying every night this week.
“A-Li! A-Xian! Get back there or we’re starting without you!” Growls Yu Ziyuan from outside. And A-Ying jumps on his feet. He would rather not antagonize auntie right before training, she can be super petty and ask him to run more laps! So he kisses his father goodbye and runs to the door, only to see A-Li not following him.
“I will be right behind you, tell mother,” she says. “I want to talk to auntie first…”
He winces, not wanting to be the bearer of that news, but it’s either him or A-Li who will say it. It’s better if auntie is angry at him rather than A-Li. She is always the one protecting them, it’s only fair he protects her too from time to time. So he makes his prayers and runs to the courtyard.
Once he is out, A-Li takes a deep breath in, like she saw her father do, and imitates him. She smiles so wide it hurts her cheeks. It’s easier than yesterday, now that she knows uncle is not sick because of her, that auntie is smiling again, that mother says okay, that A-Qing and A-Ning are better, and Meng yao is not as scared to be alone as before... She hopes that tomorrow it will be a little bit easier again. Until everything is alright once again and they don’t have to pretend anymore. She hopes her father will be back, and maybe, like Lan Juan says, that uncle will wake up. She goes to auntie, who is helping clean her husband with a wet cloth now that all the kids are gone. Lan Juan starts to play again. Auntie has been taking care of uncle non-stop, and when Lan Yuan talked about damaged meridians, A-Qing showed her where it was in the body, while auntie helped A-Li to write spells on bandages so that it would help his body restore those meridians faster. In return A-Li talked about her experience with food, and they tested a few spiritual meals together with A-Qing. She said it helped Lan Juan and Lan Yuan staying healthy while healing everyone.
She is glad she managed to help, even if it’s a little bit.
“What is it, A-Li? Do you need something? Do you want to talk to Changze? I can talk for him! I do that for A-Ying. Listen, I’m getting better at doing his silly voice... ” Cangse Sanren coughs, and then say with the most monotone voice that ever went past her lips “Oh no, is my not-wife is trying to do an impression of me? What a nightmare.”
Lan Juan snorts. Cangse Sanren moves Wei Changze’s limp hand, like she would do to a puppet and makes him facepalm by accident.
A-Li giggles, the imitation is awful, indeed. But auntie is back at joking, so A-Li supposes it’s okay. It was troubling to see auntie act all limp and sad, like she was a different person. She sits next to her, and hesitates.
“Mother told me I should talk about the nightmare.”
Cangse Sanren stops, and looks at Lan Juan. The medic seems to get the silent message, takes her music instrument, and leaves, saying she will see if she can find back her husband. They wait ten heartbeat after she is gone.
“A-Li...I think your mother would rather have you talk about it...to her, not me.” Whispers Cangse Sanren. “I don’t know if you noticed, but she is kinda jealous of my not-husband, his good looks and my awesome legs.”
A-Li shakes her head, hiding her smirk.
“Mother told me it’s okay. If...I don’t want her to see. It’s embarrassing.”
So she tells him what happen, how, in the dream, she is older, and wearing white mourning clothes, like A-Qing does right now. How she is feeling all sad; as sad as when she thinks about uncle dying right now. And then she dares to enter a strange battlefield, without weapon, calling for A-Xian and A-Cheng, but not able to find them. She feels very afraid of each movement, looking at every person face falling before her, scared that her brothers are there and hurt, or worse. Then…A man screams and calls her sister. It’s A-Xian.
“I get hurt on the back.”
And A-Cheng, at least she thinks it’s him, takes her in her arms, while A-Xian rushes to her. They fight over something A-Li quite doesn’t get and has trouble explaining, so she doesn’t go further. In the middle of the conversation she sees someone trying to stab A-Xian in the back, so she pushes him, and…
“I die.” She admits, shame filling her.
She is glad she protected A-Xian in the dream, but she’s so, so scared. Mother would be furious, father too, they would be angry at A-Xian for that, right? Or at A-Cheng for doing nothing. And they would not say a word but they would think that surely, if A-Li trained enough, she could have saved her brother and counter the blow. That’s why she tells auntie;
“You were right, I need to become stronger so people can’t hurt my family and me…”
She didn’t quite believe it until then. She always thought, despite everything, that it is fine for her to not be strong because she would always have her family to protect her. But in the nightmare she is surrounded by her brothers, and they can’t do anything for her but cry as she dies. They aren’t strong enough to save her, and because she is weak, she causes them pain! She knows it’s just a nightmare, but it was so scary and terrifying and it felt so real! A-Xian and A-Cheng’s tears hurt her, and dying was so scary; all her physical pain was gone but replaced by something hollow in her chest. She couldn’t take her little brothers’ hands and comfort them at all, she couldn’t move anymore. She never wants to feel that powerless again.
For a long time, auntie simply lets her talk, then, at the end of her story, she takes a tissue and lets her sneeze in it, before nodding;
“It was not your fault A-Li. It’s the nightmare, they make you see awful things and make you think you can’t do anything against it. But that’s not the truth.”
“Then why it is dangerous?” She asks. Because she doesn’t understand; she had nightmares before but it never was this bad, and in all her memories, her parents were never scared of it like they are with this one.
“Because…of some cultivation details I’m not sure myself. You remember how I told you that you needed to understand how things work, to make a spell? Well we don’t understand how it works, so we can’t do much about it, and that’s what scares your parents. They’re not used to it. Especially your mother! Your mother can scare fear itself!”
She winks, and while A-Li giggles, she pats her shoulder, as if she is wiping away some dust from her sleeve.
“But,” she resumes. “I’m working on something to help. Once it’s done, maybe it can cure you. We tried it on me and Changze, months ago. And now none of us are having awful nightmare again.”
She points her husband.
“See how he sleeps like a baby now?”
Uncle does look like he is sleeping peacefully; which is a good sign, until yesterday it looked like he was in pain all the time. Auntie's eyes get sad for a moment, but she brushes it off.
“Anyways, once my work is done, and tested and approved and all...I will use it with you and we’ll go through this nightmare again, and this time I will protect you. Okay? You’ll be fine and this will be over.”
A-Li panics.
“Just you, right? Not mother and father!”
Auntie frowns, hesitates, and finally says:
“Okay. Just me and you.” A-Li sighs in relief, until auntie adds: “But I will tell them what happened there once it’s over. I don’t want to lie to them if I can avoid it. I don’t want to fight with your mother again.”
“But A-Xian, and they’ll be-”
“Let me handle it, A-Li. I will make sure they don’t. I told your mother about your cultivation plans, remember? Did she get sad and angry like you feared?”
“No.” She admits, embarrassed to have doubted her. If someone could do that, it was surely Cangse Sanren.
“See? everything is going to be okay, I promise.”
A-Xian says his mother lies, sometimes, but she never did to A-Li, and so, she trusts her. She wants to believe the adult will find words she can’t; like when she works on spells. That’s her speciality after all. And...Somehow, even though the idea of going back to the nightmare is very scary, being with auntie, and being able to do something to prevent it, in order to never go through that again?
It’s oddly comforting.
“Now go train with the other before your mother starts yelling.” Smiles Cangse Sanren. “After all you need to become stronger, right?”
As Jiang Yanli trains during the day, helping her new friend Wen Qing, (while A-Cheng handles Meng Yao’s protection and A-Xian cares for A-Ning) father comes back. Everything starts to feels like it’s going to be okay again, and so she stops pretending.
***
That night, Wen Qing and Wen Ning are both invited to stay in Cangse Sanren’s quarter. They don’t explain to them that Cangse Sanren wants to check on Wen Ning’s sleep; just in case he has the same symptom as A-Ying. She removes the barrier around the place with talismans to test it out. The Wen sibling will sleep in A-Ying’s bed, since apparently the boy managed to convince his parents – and the Lan, and the medics – that he would sleep in his father’s bed with his cat. Jiang Yanli had proposed over dinner to let A-Qing sleep in her room, while A-Cheng offered the same in his room for A-Ning, but A-Qing refused. It was the first time since their arrival that she was allowed to sleep again with her little brother and not chased out of the infirmary for the night, she didn’t want to be separated from him ever again. Adults seemed to understand that.
“Your parents,” explained Jiang Fengmian, leading her a little bit apart from the rest. “and your clan...We will bury them tomorrow.”
A-Qing tries her very best not to cry in front of them again. It feels like all she did the past few days is cry and be useless. She let her brother sneak out of her sight, and then she didn’t even protect him, let alone cure him. He is going to have scars on his face because of her. Her parents are dead because of her.
“I will take you there, and be with you the whole day” Whispers Yu Ziyuan, after glancing at Jiang Fengmian, daring him to counter her decision. After all, he barely arrived back at Lotus Pier and he is exhausted.
But A-Qing nods mechanically. She lets the adults speak further through the night, they seem to have a lot to say to each other, and the Jiang Sect Leader looks super tired. He did a lot of travel for their sake. She promises herself to make him an healing tea – like A-Li showed her – tomorrow before going, as it is right to give back all the kindness you are showed, but for now...She sneaks under the covers and snuggles with her little brother, while Cangse Sanren is making sure her son is truly sleeping with his father and not sneaking out. A-Ning had been silent all day, accepting everything happening, even the white mourning clothes, with big sad eyes, yet, as they are lying close, he whispers:
“W-when mommy and daddy will kiss us goodnight too?”
She chokes on air, and curls around him. She doesn’t know how to say it, it’s a devastating truth she doesn’t want to acknowledge yet. Mommy and Daddy are never going to kiss them goodnight ever again. And sure they are safe now, but she doesn’t feel quite so, not without them at her side. She doesn't’ think she will ever feel safe again.
She grew up surrounded by medics, and so did A-Ning, they both know what death is. A-Qing thought she knew when she failed to cure little birds while mommy and daddy trained her. But she didn’t.
She didn’t until now, and she wishes she still didn’t get it.
The lump in her throat is too big for the words to pass through. Tomorrow. Tomorrow they will get on the Madam’s sword and go bury their parents, saying goodbye, do the proper rites they couldn’t, but for now she is not ready. She is not ready yet to tell they are gone aloud. So she holds her little brother closes and says with a sob:
“I will kiss you goodnight in their stead from now on.”
Because that’s the closest thing to the truth she can manage. A-Ning doesn’t protest, but he gets it, and hiccups. Mommy and Daddy used to tell them, when they faced death that you had to cling on life and move forward, focus on what you still had and what you could still protect and save. She has A-Ning. They will have each other. She will make sure nothing happen to him, ever.
But she can’t protect him from grief too. She can only share his pain with him, as they cry themselves to sleep. Cangse Sanren sits by their bed at one point, and she pats their heads until they drift away in a deep, sad slumber. While A-Qing convinces herself that the tender touch she can still perceive is her parent’s spirit, A-Ning meets another kind of spirit. Someone who looks scary, yet gently pats his head too and assures him:
“It’s okay, you’re not alone, I will stay with you.” He forgets all about it by the time he wakes up, but the comforting presence remains.
Cangse Sanren notices how the boy’s body tenses up, paralyzed, how his body gathers a bit of resentful energy, but he doesn’t open his eyes and curls because of a nightmare. He opens his eyes, for a short moment, aware of his surrounding, then resumes to sleep once his breath settles again. Cangse Sanren doesn’t know what to think of this.
“Is there anyone here?” She asks to the void, trying to see a glimpse of the shadow monster, of her son. She expects silence, and surely that’s what she gets. But she also see a tiny fluctuation in the air, and for a short heartbeat she sees.
She sees someone who looks dead and dark, patting the head of the Wen kids.
Then it’s gone. Is it the ghost of the Wen father? She wonders. Or maybe, she theorizes, the mr Shadow man they see might be the reflection of their victim’s future self? An awful future each time? Or is it yet another illusion? Cangse Sanren doesn’t know. It might also be possible that it’s something completely different because despite the similarity of A-Ying and Wen Ning’s situation, there are still some key differences. A-Ying was attacked and wounded by a demon tainted by the Iron Yin piece. His soul is complete. Wen Ning’s soul had been damaged by something who had been corrupted by the Iron Yin and tried to mimic its effects to survive, but not directly by it.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t like it. Just to be sure, once Wei Changze is better, she will ask Lan Juan or Lan Yuan to treat Wen Ning for the sleep paralysis demon too. Maybe that could buy some time for the Wen Children, before their Sect Leader reclaims them. They can say they know how to deal with his disease and use this as an excuse to keep them longer in Lotus Pier (or at worst send them to Cloud Recesses).
But I lied to him about A-Ying being sick back then, she remembers suddenly. It is late, but she knows Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian are still up – they wanted to know about Wen Ning’s condition too. So she flies to their room and shares her observation to them.
“We are not forced to say that it’s A-Xian’s disease,” says Jiang Fengmian. “We can just say that we know how to deal with this kind of state without giving him much else.”
Cangse Sanren never expected him to be a liar. Which he defends himself from, with the same lame excuse as Lan Yuan:
“Technically it is not a lie, it is merely not the whole truth.”
“Politics…” Complains Cangse Sanren. She hates politics.
Yu Ziyuan scoffs about it, not pleased but also strangely happy to keep things from Wen Ruohan too.
“Serves him well, he started first by saying he didn’t have Zhao Zhuliu.” She comments, bitter.
Jiang Fengmian shared his discovery through empathy with them as soon as he came back, and it is still hard for all of them to accept. It is probably not helped by the fact they are all exhausted. Which Yu Ziyuan points out.
“Let’s all go to bed before one of us collapses and we go through another hellish week and the conference at the same time.”
When Yu Ziyuan ends up being the voice of reason, you know the situation is dire…But she is often right, despite her way of saying it, and they obey. There’s no problem that can’t wait for tomorrow, which has not happened in a very long time. Maybe things are getting better, are going to be okay, thinks Cangse Sanren as she finally lays into her bed.
And she is right; a few hours later, not long after the Wen kids leave the sect with the Madam, Wei Changze wakes up.
Notes:
Okay good news, after this chapter there is only ONE sad/angst filled chapter left and then we head to the conference arc =D Thank you all for bearing this angst filled arc with me.
Next chapter is Wei Changze's awakening, and I want to remind you that he has been asleep for a week and so very much in the same place he was when he fainted. So not a good one. It's alright if you don't want to read it ; I will provide you summary of the chapter as usual so you can skip it if you're not in a good place yourself ^^I wish you all a good week-end, stay safe and healthy =)
Chapter 50: Awakening
Notes:
Wei Changze finally wakes up in this chapter =)
Enjoy the angst ! Promise right after this one we're going back on a feel-good arc =)
This chapter SHOULD be beta-read but there's bit of a mess in our shared google doc, so I hope it is but it might not. If so, all the mistake you see re not Fraudulent_Moose, but mine alone, and I apologize U-U°Previous chapter summary --> Wei Wuxian, or Mr Shadow man, as the kids call him was still there. As he tried to fight off the resentful energy and help Wei Changze to awaken, a small call brought his attention : Wen Ning, his ghost general was still alive amongthe soul trapped in the borken reality of the Iron Yin. And the kind man managed what Wei Wuxian didn't do ; he slipped away from the cage to fit in the fractured soul of his youngs elf of this new timeline. Wen Ning finally awoke from his comatose state after that ; his skin are marred with star shaped scars, but he somehow looks alive and well. As well as an new orphan can be. He spent the day surrounded by the other children without an accident at all. Jiang Yanli, on the other hand, took the oportunity to tlak to cangse Sanren and tell her what she didn't want to share with her own mother ; what she saw in the nightmare. She told her the fate of the original Jiang Yanli, and her death ; and Cangse Sanren promised to help chase the bad dream away with her as soon as her own incense burner will be ready. She is confident she can handle this ; she is less confident the very same night as she keeps an eyes on Wen Ning's sleep. The boy does share some symptoms with Wei Ying, his are weaker but still she can see the link ; and could almost see the ghost general. What does this mean? Can this be used to keep the Wen kids out of Wen RUohan reach? Can they learn more about this phenomenon? Thoses thoughts are however pushed aside, as the conference draw nearer and Wei Changze finally woke up.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When Wei Changze opens his eyes again, he is not in the corridor anymore, but in his bed. He recognizes the ceiling, lanterns hanging above him. He still remembers. He swallows a lump in his throat, but this time he manages to get some air still. He feels awfully calm and cold. Awfully sad and tired too. So, so, so tired. His shaky breath alerts someone at his side, and he sees A-Ying staring back at him.
“Daddy? You’re awake?”
“Yes?” He manages to croak, he barely recognizes his own tone.
A-Ying’s eyes fill with tears immediately.
“You’re awake!” He wails loudly, jumping on him and squeezing his tight, burying his face in the crook of his father’s neck. Wei Changze’s heart shatters while his thoughts drag on, unable to process what is happening. Why...Why is his son so distressed? Wei Changze feels the same, but A-Ying is not supposed to know, he is supposed to be always happy and smiling like his mother!
Before he can ask anything, A-Ying jumps out of the bed, and runs through the hallway, calling for his mother and uncle. Wei Changze is too tired to stop him. What’s the point anyways? The logical conclusion hits him: they know. I failed. He knows. I broke. Now. It’s over.
To his right he notices a cup of water, and he remembers how dry his throat is. Yet the sheer thought of drinking made him nauseous, and his limbs are heavy. He knows he needs it, but he doesn’t want it. It’s stupid, but he remembers this one time where Jiang Fengmian and another friend went to town, and the two of them started to drink alcohol for the first time while Wei Changze stared with a disapproving nod. They had tried to make him participate, but he stuck to his cold water cup until the third boy called him a killjoy. Jiang Fengmian didn’t appreciate that and stated they could have fun without alcohol to defend his best friend. He ordered all the coldest water they could get to the restaurant and proceeded to drink it in the fastest way, until they felt their brains freez, and they were laughing so hard people thought they were drunk too.
He loved the memory, now that he knows it hurts. He looks away.
Next to him, Wufa, the cat, sleeps, his tongue sticking out. It’s safer to look at him. Wei Changze is not sure why, but he pats his head, and the little pet curls around himself to allow his master to rub his tummy while still napping. Sometimes, he envies cats, and their ability to sleep through everything, yet enjoy the affection in their semi-consciousness. He wishes he could do that right now.
He wishes he could sleep through life itself right now, and not shoulder the weight of it.
Yet, still in the silent room, he faces it. His mother drank. That’s why he hates alcohol. That also, comes as a certitude. Even though he hadn’t remembered why during his teenage years, when he came up with the decision to never, ever , drink any wine. It’s not because Wei Changze was wise, like he thought, it’s because of her . How many things I believe are my opinions, are part of me, are in fact from her, from them? He is scared to know. He doesn’t want to know. But now he does because his body doesn’t listen to him anyways.
Wei Changze knows he gets his economic side from his father, counting money like his life depends on it. He knows he hates alcohol because of his mother. He knows he respects prostitutes because of what his parents threatened to do before selling him. And he remembers thinking, are my sisters and brothers going to be sold too? Did they try to come back? Then he remembers his young self's fear of being sent back home whether he wanted it or not, because he did a bad job as a servant. The mentality Don’t act out, don’t get caught, be a ghost, or you will be sold again. It’s so simple it’s stupid.
Why did his mind even think it was worth forgetting back then? Because it hurt.
Why did his mind think it was worth remembering now? Because it hurt!
And it doesn't hurt the right way, like the way his arm hurts when he doesn’t feel anything on his skin, like the ghost sensation of his sword inside his grip, it hurts like something long gone buried and already over. It hurts like someone you are not allowed to grieve for because you missed the opportunity ; the funeral is done and people are over it.
“Changze!”
Cangse Sanren floats to his side, and right behind him, enters Jiang Fengmian.
“You scared us!” She says, cupping his face in her hands. Her eyes are filled with tears. It feels like that night, when A-Ying almost died, when she couldn’t even bring a smile to her face. Did I marry her because of them too? Because she reminds me of my mother? He can’t make up the face of his mother, yet his heart whispers yes, yes you do, with the same confidence as everything else. Do I look like them? The question hits next. Yes, yes you do! You’re your father’s son, that’s why you let her do what she wants, always playing along. You are your mother’s son too, that’s why you can’t drink. Not even one slip. Not ever!
He was never wise, like he thought, denying alcohol when his classmates and friends indulged themselves. He was just scared. He is not wise. He is stupid. Why would Jiang Fengmian make him his right-hand man? Why would Cangse Sanren marry him? They didn’t know, he lied to them. Wie Changze never thought he would hate lying, when it’s so easy for him but this one, this idea, hurts. It wasn’t him they chose, but someone he made up entirely. The fact that he didn’t know himself how fake he was is just a stupid excuse.
He is not sure he can stand looking at Cangse Sanren right now, as much as he can’t stand the very idea to look at himself. He is not sure he can take her pity, when it’s so absurd. He is not sure he can take the truth either. He shouldn’t be lying on the bed and allowed to rest for something so overly stupid. He shouldn’t have made a scene in the first place. You’re supposed to be a ghost. He props his upper body up with his elbow, but two pairs of hands push him back down, forcing him to stay on the bed again. He can’t let them notice he changed. It’s his fault, he deceived them, he must keep up the lie, still be the person they love. He wants to be that person. He thought he was that!
“What are you doing? Lay back down!”
Back! The word echoes still, like a wish. Jiang Fengmian looks worriedly at him:
“You Qi deviated, Changze…You need to rest.”
“I did not…” He mumbles.
He didn’t. That’s absurd! But they both stare at him with such fear that he feels himself at loss for words. Did he? Did he seriously Qi deviate over something so stupid?
“Yes...Yes you did, sweetheart,” admits Cangse Sanren. “Ziyuan called the doctor over, he managed to get to you in time, we had to ask Lan Juan and Lan Yuan for help too. You really did…”
“I...I am?”
Is he done for? As much as he knows about cultivation Qi deviation was always something that sounded like the end. He witnessed some, and no one ever came back after it. You’ve done it. You broke, now you’re useless, they’re going to leave you. And somehow, it hits all his fears; you remember and now everything is different, everything is over. Everything is ruined. He shakes his head, but the thought sticks on him like rice glue.
“You’re fine!” Quickly adds Cangse Sanren.
“Well, as fine as you can be. Your meridians and most of your dantians are okay, you got helped on time, you reached first stage, but not second. Your...Lan Yuan said your lungs are a little bit damaged, but as long as you don’t start inhaling smoke for fun you should be fine. Oh...and maybe also not go up to mountains. For at least a year. Nor diving too deep in the river. No Cloud Recesses for you too apparently.” She jokes with a sad smile, before adding: “You...you just need to rest. Really...Like really rest.”
“I’m sorry Wei Changze,” murmurs Jiang Fengmian, his expression torn. “I asked too much of you…”
What is he talking about? He didn’t! He asked as much of him as he did with himself, it’s Wei Changze who is weak, and couldn’t follow. Who crumbled over something past and done and that is over anyway. He...He almost wants to laugh again; mocks himself. People deal with worse shit everyday! He dealt with worse shit for years, fighting ghosts and demons, almost dying on a nighthunt and losing his son, battling against nightmares that show the future, and this is what makes him fall? This is absurd! He can’t rest anyways, they have…
“The conference…”He stutters.
“I will handle the conference tomorrow, don’t worry.”
Tomorrow? How long was he asleep? He panics, slightly. They had still so much to do when he...When he fainted. What about Meng Yao? Crap I ruined his first day... Did he pass the test, did he build a core or something, or was he chased? Did people bully him since he wasn't there to protect him? ...Are they guests there yet? Did his son’s best friend finally arrive? What else did he miss because he... Cangse Sanren takes his hands in her and squeezes it kindly.
He sees that people are entering the room too; he recognizes Lan Juan and Lan Yuan, even if they look tired and hurt. Lan Juan is yawning, while Lan Yuan has his arm in a sling. What happened? What did he miss? Did...Was he violent during the Qi deviation? Did he hurt anyone? Did he hurt A-Ying? Is that why he was crying earlier? No!
No. No, being violent and hallucinating are symptoms of the second stage, he reminds himself, they said he didn’t go past the first. Hi mind quiets. Then how…
“Ah. It’s good to see you up!” Smiles Lan Juan as she enters the room and walks to him. Her husband immediately seizes Wei Changze’s wrist and checks his pulse, the room growing strangely silent as the healer focuses on it. Then he hums.
“It’s good.”
Lan Juan gives Wei Changze one of her most severe frowns, which is not very impressive, but still sends him a chill to his spine; he’s never seen her like that before.
“You will have to be careful from now on. Once you QI deviate, you’re more at risk than before to do it again. I will teach you some ways to avoid that but you’ll have to listen to me and my husband’s advices.”
“M...For how long?” He gulps, wary.
How long should he be bedridden, useless and a charge to the sect and his family, he wants to ask. The Lan couple share a glance, obviously thinking through this, and finally estimates:
“Well we would say at least three months.” And Lan Juan adds,
“Optimally, I would supervise your rehabilitation for a full year; but I will have to ask the Sect leader for authorization to do that. And my husband certainly can’t be absent from the infirmary that long.”
“A-A year?” He repeats, in disbelief. He can’t do that much; he has work, he has…
“Of Rehab’” confirms Lan Juan with a bright smile, like she isn’t dropping such awful news.
“And everything she teaches you during that time, you’ll have to follow it for your entire life.” says Lan Yuan, definitely giving the final strike.
Wei Changze feels himself sink into his bed, his mood crashing down.
“Focus on healing. You don’t have to do anything else.” whispers Jiang Fengmian, ever so kind and patient, unaware that it makes it worse .
“But-”
“No buts!” Smiles Cangse Sanren.
“She said butt!” Shouts A-Cheng as he enters the room with his sister, and A-Ying – who is still sniffling, but does not cry anymore – ...And his son drags Meng Yao by the hand.
The boy is here, and while he does look skittish, he doesn’t seem to be hurt at all. A-Ying gives the Lan healer a silent glance, and as they give him silent authorization, he climbs into the bed and sits near his father, hugging him tightly again.
“You were AAAAH and then BAM and pouf!” States A-Cheng mimicking the fall.
“We were very worried,” adds A-Li with tears in her eyes.
She turns to Meng Yao, who is startled a little, but finally gives a nod.
“I...I’m happy you’re better,” the boy says, his voice trembling.
Despite all of it, Wei Changze hears himself say:
“Let’s this be a learning experience, then. You now know what a Qi deviation is like n-”
“Yeah and now they are fucking terrified by it, no way they’re going to be focused during meditation, great idea. Was it your plan?” Smiles Cangse Sanren. “Because I hate it, it’s the worst you ever came up with!”
He looks at her, and this time he finds it a little bit harder to meet her eyes.
“I’m sorry I scared you...” He says, and guilt tings at the surface of his mind, only feeling he can identify among the pile he is feeling right now.
And he repeats this apology to the children when his gaze falls upon A-Ying. Hesitantly, he opens his arms, and the boy snugs into it, his little fists clenching at his father’s robe, not daring to say a single word of comfort. He is strangely silent now. Awkwardly still and careful, as if he is afraid to hurt his father. Only then, Wei Changze realizes how close he came to dying. He doesn’t want to die; he never wanted to, but he always kind of wished he could not exist, especially now. Just for a short while. Just enough time until he feels himself again; the one he was before he Qi deviated, remembered and ruined everything. He wishes he could care, but all his body feels numb and cold still, as if someone pulled him out of a frozen river. His heart beats fast in his chest but it’s a distant echo, like a drum, not something he feels inside his chest.
Lan healers seems to realize that he is not okay, because they ask the children to follow them outside.
“He needs to talk with your parents, let’s not overwhelm him.” Lan Juan says, as she picks up A-Ying in her arms. The boy struggles a bit but finally lets go after his mother promises him he will have a hug later. “Daddy will give you all the hugs you want, he won’t sleep this long again,” she reassures him.
“Promise?” Inquires A-Ying, his voice shaky.
“He will have to take a lot of naps to recover,”Lan Juan tells him. “But never this long, and you’ll be allowed to stay with him.”
“Just like when you were a baby, A-Ying. You probably don’t remember, but you used to sleep on your father’s tummy ; you napped together.” Says Cangse Sanren with a fond smile.
This somehow convinces A-Ying to let go.
“For his sake, I will also ask you to keep your voice low and avoid stressful topics. He is very fragile.” Says Lan Yuan to the adults as he closes the door behind the group, staying here to supervise.
Wei Changze winces at the term fragile. Because he is not.
Is he?
He feels stupid, though, so maybe he is. Only weak people would crumble and QI deviate over a memory.
For a short moment, the room falls into a deep silence; that Wei Changze can’t identify as tensed, but certainly cannot describe as comforting either. Cangse Sanren takes a deep breath and smiles back, her cold hand checking his forehead. Don’t touch me, I’m disgusting, I’m...Wei Changze’s mind screams, hyper aware of everything. He is sweating, a lot, and he stinks. He manages to not move and shriek under her touch, though only because he didn’t do it with A-Ying. He doesn’t get why he feels like that, when having his son in his arms feels fine.
“Are you feeling better?” She asks.
No. I feel shameful.
“Yes.”
She frowns and Jiang Fengmian sighs at her side.
“I know you Changze, do not lie to me, especially a lie I want to believe so much.” She says.
He doesn’t answer anything back; the words are tasteless on his tongue, he avoids their gaze, trying very hard not to see them. Jiang Fengmian’s voice rings in the air, as he asks:
“What do you need, Changze?”
And it’s full of hurt, not anger. Yet Wei Changze can’t bring himself to look at him still, it’s worse, he thinks. He would rather have them angry than being saddened because of him. Angry felt right, appropriate to the situation; that’s how Changze would feel in their place. That’s how he feels right now, that and guilty, and embarrassed.
“I’m lost,” his friend continues. “I don’t know what to do to help you, I tried to show you my undeniable trust when we were teens, and when it didn’t work I tried to give you space...Even...E-ven to let you go. I tried giving you time to rest, then when it didn’t work I tried to keep your mind busy. I...I don’t know, what do you need me to do, Changze? What can I do to help you feel better, so that it never happens again?”
Wei Changze is an awful adviser, because he doesn’t know. His thoughts are all over the place. You should give up on me. You should fire me, you should get rid of me, he wants to say his friend, and at the same time he feels exactly like the child in his memories; please, please don’t throw me out, I will be good, I promise, I will not make a sound, I will be all you want, but don’t throw me out.
He doesn’t know what he needs to be okay like they want him to be, he isn’t even sure he can ever be at this point. Can you erase what I know, take the memory back? He thinks, because at the very least, as long as he didn’t have it, he could pretend. Can they erase all he is so he could start anew? What good is keeping something that will never be as good as before, even if you fix it?
“I don’t know.” He admits, and the words scorches his throat. It burns so much. He wants to roll onto the side and curls on himself, hide under the blanket and disappear, but a hand seizes him and presses it tenderly.
“It’s okay, Changze, You don’t have to know, we’ll figure out together...okay?” Cangse Sanren says, and she looks to Lan Yuan in a silent question. The Lan healer nods.
He nods too, because that’s all he can answer right now, lost between two emotions; grateful not to be rejected, and tired of their unconditional love when he thinks he doesn’t deserve it.
Sometimes he feels like emotions are like coins: two opposite sides that coexist.
He takes back his hand from his wife and drags it close to his own chest instead, not capable of handling the sensation of her skin against his.
“Changze, look at me, look at us.” Orders Jiang Fengmian.
And he obeys, because that’s the only thing he can do to atone right now. Yet, when his eyes fall on his best friend and wife, they do not look furious as he expected. They are sad. It’s worse. He caused this sadness.
“You promised me you wouldn’t leave again,” Says Jiang Fengmian.
Wei Changze’s throat burns again; did he speak aloud while Qi Deviating. Does Fengmian know how much Wei Changze had wanted to flee and break his words again, guessed that if he hadn’t fainted, he would have?
“I’m so sorry…” He chokes, and before he knows it, there’s tears rolling down on his cheeks. He doesn’t even try to stop it anymore, resigned to have no more control over his body for the rest of his life. “I’m so, so sorry…”
Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren panic in front of him, and they look at the healer in frantic confusion. Lan Yuan doesn’t move from his spot, and states:
“It’s normal; aftermath shock. Qi deviation makes people very sensitive. I think.”
“You think?” Blurts Cangse Sanren.
“Well I only have my wife as reference, and two patients. One who died before he woke up...So...” He confesses.
Wei Changze snorts and sniffs at the same time, he doesn’t understand how this joke can make him laugh, it’s quite a terrible one. In the middle of it, Jiang Fengmian seems to decide that since it can’t be helped, he better finish the sentence he intended. He forces himself in the vision field of his friend and stares back, frowning.
“Changze, listen,” he repeats, almost angry. “You promised me to never leave again, but I've realized that I've never done the same. I should have. I should have told you this a long time ago; just as much as you won’t leave, I won’t leave you too. No matter what.”
“Yeah, get used to it,” affirms Cangse Sanren.
“You’re stuck with us, for as long as you’re willing to have us.”
Wei Changze didn’t think he could cry harder, but he has been wrong until now, so it’s not such a surprise that he is wrong again. This is a terrible experience, he hates crying, he decides. What did I do to deserve such wonderful friends and family? Nothing, and that’s what hurts. He is terrible, making them endure all this drama over nothing!
Once again, Cangse Sanren tries to reach him. She kisses his cheekbone, but Wei Changze’s heart shrinks. I hurt you, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean to lie to you. The one you loved and married is a lie! I’m so sorry! He avoids her contact.
“Don’t! Do I really stink, am I that sweaty and disgusting!”
He realizes that he said that aloud too late, when Cansge Sanren’s smile falls:
“So what? I like you even when you’re sweaty and you stink. I will never find you disgusting, ever!” Yet she seems to catch something and she leaves him space, before adding ; “I won’t stop loving you over such petty reason, but if you don’t want me to touch you, if you want me to stop,” She pauses and her fist clenches. “I will.”
Wei Changze never wants her to stop touching him. He wants her to love him ; the him he is now, with memory and everything, but he doesn't’ know how to tell her that right now, everything is too much for him, even his own self. He can’t even stand the feeling of his skin on his bones, the way tears rolls on his face and his breath catches in his chest, everything hurts. So he stays silent. It’s not what she wants, she continues :
“I’m…I always say everything is going to be okay, when things are hard. I...I try to make things okay, especially when they are. B-But...” She starts. “You know that...I will never be okay again if anything ever happened to you or A-Ying, Changze, you do know that, right?”
You’d be. His mind screams. You should be. But on the other hand he is also sure about what she says about A-Ying. He feels the same. That helps, to be sure about something. He clings to that sensation.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t cry, but her eyes are full of pain. He wants to erase it, but he doesn’t know how to neither. He doesn’t know how to fill the hole inside his chest, he feels like he doesn’t know himself anymore. He doesn’t know shit. Nothing he should. He knows nothing, so how could he know too much at the same time. Like he is a whole new person, and not for the right reasons, not in a good way. In front of his silence, Cansge Sanren pleads:
“Talk to me, Changze, please…Say something. Anything…I thought I lost you. I thought you would go without a sound and an explanation...Please, if something bothers you like that, don’t keep it in, tell me. Even if you think I can’t do anything, or that I’m stupid or disgusting, I don’t care, I want to know. I...”
“From now on, you’ll have to tell us when something is wrong,” completes Jiang Fengmian. “Whatever this is that you’re going through, we face it together.”
Wei Changze opens his mouth, but no sound comes out.
“This is an order of your doctor, by the way. If you don’t feel like sharing it aloud, we can find another way, for example writing letters and burning them, or work with music. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” adds Lan Yuan in the background.
“I...I will talk.” whispers Wei Changze, resigned. Because the thought of writing everything, to give them a physical existence in his life is just too much to bear. It’s too late anyways, everything is ruined, they know. Wei Changze can’t pretend, he can’t lie to himself, and he can’t forget again without Qi deviating. But most of all, Wei Changze is tired, he doesn’t have the strength to think of a solution anymore. He just wants this to stop; and talking is the only thing he hasn’t tried yet. Besides, some part of him wants to know too, if truly, they won’t leave. Maybe if they don’t he will stop feeling like this.
“Really, this is the Lan ways you talked us about?” Says Cangse Sanren to Lan Yuan.
“It is the way.” Lan Yuan concedes, and just after saying that he leaves the room to let them have intimacy.
So Wei Changze talks. He tells them. It’s so easy and yet so hard at the same time. It’s a secret too old for it to spill tears, and too young for it not too hurt. Finally, he lets himself fall into his wife’s arms and she hesitantly squeezes back. Her contact is easier this time. He doesn't know why, what changes, he doesn’t care, he is just relieved he isn’t disgusted by it anymore. It was scary enough.
He tells them everything he remembers, everything he doesn’t want to carry and hold, hoping that she will take a little bit of its weight. Because if he keeps it any longer, it will crush him. At first his voice is simply even, but it doesn’t take long for it to shatter again, and honestly, Wei Changze is too tired with himself to struggle against this betrayal.
And Cangse Sanren does, so does Jiang Fengmian. Cangse Sanren holds him tight and pats his head. They do not judge anything, no matter how stupid and childish all of this sounds to his own ears. They stay and listen, and bear this wound with him. Look at what you did, you made her all serious and sad. Cangse Sanren doesn’t even crack a joke, and that alone made him want to cry again.
He feels so small in her arms, and he tries to remember if his mother held him too, like that, if this feeling is from those times he never wanted to go through again. Yes. Yes she did. He doesn’t know why, but that makes his chest tight and loose at the same time. Was I happy, even back then? In the middle of everything, despite her drinking, despite the money, despite the abandonment...Was he happy?
Yes. I was. And that’s why he tried to forget, why he tried to erase it, because remembering what he lost hurt back then. Yes I was. Yes I was, despite their flaws and their decision, I had wanted to stay. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted them to want me more than the wine. More than the money. I wanted to die with them, because death scared me less than living without them.
“Do you want to meet them?” Cangse Sanren asks, as soft as a whisper. She gazes at Jiang Fengmian, a silent question passing between them; can they do that, can they look for the couple that once sold their child to the sect?
“Do you need them to get better? Do you need them to find yourself again?” Adds Jiang Fengmian, unsure.
“No! I…”
Because then Wei Changze was happier without them, and that hurt on a new whole level, that made him angry. Angry at himself for surviving this, for understanding that it was for the best. Angry that people who didn’t care for him offered him a better life than his family ever could. Since memory was the only way for them to be with him, and that they had decided they shouldn’t, proved him so, then he...Then he...Then he doesn’t want them. And he doesn’t want to need them to be happy. I don’t want them just like they don’t want me, some part of him scream, petty and ugly.
“I just need you, my family, to be myself again.” He whispers, he prays, he hopes.
This is the person he was, the person he is sometimes proud of. The man she fell in love with, and the man Jiang Fengmian wants and deserves as a right hand man for his sect. When she is with him, he feels like he can still be. Even if right now it’s hard to remember, even if now, he feels like he could be someone else, and someone entirely new. Someone he doesn’t know and is very afraid of because he does not trust enough to be someone good on his own. How could he explain this to her this? How could he tell her that he didn’t trust himself with a single sip of alcohol because of them, yet he would see her drink a whole jar and still feel safer in her arms and more secure and at his place than anywhere else? He can’t, he doesn’t have enough words, it hurts. So he says instead:
“I’m me when I’m with you. I don’t know who I will be with them. I’m..I’m scared of who I would be with them. I would rather...”
Cangse Sanren smiles, as if she understands still and can read the words that are stuck in his throat, the meaning that clog his mind still.
“I would rather be me with you too.”
Can I be happy still, then? If they stay, if she stays, if he doesn’t have his parents but he has his wife and son. If he has his best friend and their sect. If he has everything that made him the person he thought he was. He wants this to be enough, just like before. He wants to be enough. Even if he is aware that he can’t continue to lie and be the same as before anymore.
“Yes, you can, I will make sure you will.”
Promises Cangse Sanren, when he asks.
Wei Changze doesn’t know how long he stays like that, in her arms, but at one point, he has stopped crying. He also stopped hurting, too exhausted to follow. Everything is the right kind of numb. Cangse Sanren is humming, and her voice is terribly soothing even though it’s an insult to music.
“Are you trying to lull me to sleep?” He jokes. “I thought I slept enough.”
“Barely,” she grins. “All the sleep you got the past few weeks was to make up for the previous months.”
“You are to take naps now” agrees Jiang Fengmian. “And sleep full nights. No exception.”
“And you too, Fengmian, no more husband dropping on the ground!” Declares Cangse Sanren. “He spent the whole week travelling on a sword! Yu Ziyuan had to step up yesterday and said “don’t you dare try to go back, I’m going in your stead you rest!”
Wei Changze frowns, unsure to follow, and Jiang Fengmian seems to realize that, as he sighs.
“Ah yes. I suppose we have to fill you in with the recent...Development. I will tell you everything we learned this week once Lan Yuan and Lan Juan clear you.”
“In a year?” He asks.
There's silence, and suddenly Cangse Sanren bursts out laughing. Jiang Fengmian smirks too.
“If you are able to make a joke already...Maybe less.”
Notes:
Next chapter is on Friday...And feature...Lan Zhan's first POV! WOUHOU! Miracle happens. I had plan for him to have his first pov only when I'd reach Cloud Recesses' lecture year...but it took so long just to arrive HERE and last chapters were so hard I think you deserve a sweet baby Lan's pov to make up for everything.
Also, this is rambling but this night I had a weird dreams that could do a good plot for a fanfic, and since I won't start writing another fic before finishing this one...I will share it with you here and now (don't hate me for it xD) Of course if this pitch interest you, just use it. I don't mind, I would even probably read it with great pleasure =)
So here is the 1rst dream :
-The story starts at the very end of the Sunshot campaign, Wen Ruohan just got killed and Sects Leaders are pillaging the Sun palace out ; freeing prisoners...And they stumble on two strange prisoners. Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren are in a cell, it appears that they didn't die on the night-hunt all those years ago, but got kidnapped by Wen Ruohan who wanted to find Baoshan Sanren's mountain (why it was so important for Wen Ruohan to find the immortal that he did not kill either of them is to be defined). Anyways they get released from their cells and meet their son who is actually in comatose state for 3 days because canon stuff happening, and proceed to somehow fix the rest from there while meeting and learning who their son is. Goal : reach total happy ending (with Wei Ying having a core no 13 years of mourning and bonus point if I manage to not make Wen Ning a fierce corpse) I suppose same ships are this one fanfic (maybe not Xue/Xiao/Song but just Xiao/Song? Probably tying Song lan's injury to Wen Ruohan's desire to find Baoshan Sanren, maybe they followed Xiao when he went back to ask his teacher for help and found the mountain and slaughtered everyone there èè idk yet)The second dream i had during my after-work nap :
-Lan Zhan thinks Wei Wuxian's core is compromised or that he is very badly ill, so while his soulmate is trying to save the Wen at Burial mounts, he decides to go and look for a cure for him. Somehow he finds chinese (or japanese) mermaid, the one the legend says if they give you a bit of their flesh to eat you become immortal (hence if you're dying from a disease you are saved). The mermaid is moved by his story and decides to help Lan Zhan but it is hard : to bring the mermaid to Wei Ying, to actually make the man accept help and eat that, and worts of all to hide the precious creature out of reach from ambitious cultivator who seeks immortality. A fic that try to cure coreless-Wei Wuxian without making him grow a core again, apparently ??
Chapter 51: Lan Zhan’s words
Notes:
Here we are for Lan Zhan's first pov ! I hope you're all ready for this little baby Lan...!
Fraudulent_Moose said it could give cavities because it was sweet so I hope you'r ready =DAlso I don't know if you saw but this work turned into a serie : "Home is where your heart with" Because I added a collection of missing scenes where I will put the passage I couldn't fit in the main storyline. I you want you can also request for a scene in comment, if you think it's missing, I do not promise I will write it but I promise I will consider it ^^
Now, enough ramble...Here is the summary of the previous chapter --> Wei Changze finally woke up after almost a full week of comatose ; while everyone were able to move on, he very much woke up in the exact same place he fainted ; so not in a very good mental state. The repressed memories were definitely settling in his mind and making him feel like an impostor in his own skin. Learning that he Qi deviated and would have to get rehab for almost a year and have to change his way of life was not something he liked either. Fortunately that also meant he was going to be surrounded by people who cares and loves him, and were willing to give him the time and the mean to heal. After a heart to heart with Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren, and after the order of his healers, Lan Juan and Lan Yuan, Wei Changze agreed to open up and tell his friend what he remembered and shocked him so. Too exhausted by this, he soon fell back into sleep, but not before cracking a poor excuse of a joke, giving a little bit of hope to his loved ones that he would be okay again, one day. Now, free of they worry, the Wei and Jiang family can focus on the upcoming Conference...Guests are supposed to arrive today after all !
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A-Zhan can’t wait to be at Lotus Pier. After all, it’s Wei Ying’s home, where the boy invited A-Zhan over when he couldn’t stay at Cloud Recesses anymore. Uncle said to him that they would be there soon, and A-Zhan tried his best to be patient but it was getting difficult. Especially since soon is a troublesome word: one that changes' meaning depending who says it.
Though it’s the first time A-Zhan has been on a boat, and the novelty of the experience helps a bit. He likes boats, he has decided; it’s very much like Cloud Recesses, with lots of rules to follow ( Do not run, has instructed Uncle, Do not get near the water, do not bend over the railing… ) it’s also very narrow and tiny, so there’s not a lot of people with them, which is always better. They can play music while they travel and no one winces when they make a mistake or a false note except uncle. Honestly, if that didn’t mean he would never arrive at Lotus Pier and see Wei Ying, A-Zhan wouldn’t mind staying on a boat forever. ( But also, could they fit Mom and Dad in another boat? How would that work? He saw adults jumping from one boat to another, would he be allowed to do that once a month to see them if they all lived on boats? )
“A-Zhan! Look!” Calls A-Huan, pointing the river. A-Zhan walks to him and grips the tail of his forehead ribbon, staring at the direction as instructed, but only sees colorful fish underneath the water. He looks up to his brother and Lan Huan smiles, expectantly. Oh. He wants me to say the word, A-Zhan realizes.
Lately, he tries to speak more. He mostly repeats one word or two of what uncle or A-Huan say, to show them he understands. But sometimes they want him to find the word by himself, like right now…
“Fish.” He nods.
A-Huan beams, happy. It’s easier to say the word to him because A-Zhan can say anything; he always gets the same result: a happy smile.
Uncle comes closer and kneel down and inquires: “Which kind of fish, can you tell?”
Uncle...Uncle is more troublesome, he expects a good answer, not just a word. So it’s harder to speak to him when it’s not a song. A-Zhan doesn’t know so he doesn’t answer. Should he? He can’t tell if he should have known, and so admitting it would make the clan ashamed. If he says he doesn’t know aloud, wouldn’t people say that uncle did a bad job? It would be bad right? When A-Zhan or A-Huan make mistakes, people always blame uncle for it, and he even gets punished sometimes. Like that one time Lan Huan spoke back to an elder. They also say mean things about mom and dad. A-Zhan doesn’t want that. It’s better not to say anything than say something wrong, he decides. Once again, his mind always going in circles; coming back to the same conclusion. Uncle realizes he is not getting an answer for his nephew, sighs, and teaches him the name of the fish, making clear that yes, A-Zhan should have known.
“Do you know what eats fish?” Asks A-Huan after the lesson. A-Zhan blinks at him, confused.
Should he name all of them? Like all the people he has ever seen eat fish? There are animals who eat fish too, and - By the time he makes up a list in his mind, A-Huan has decided to answer his own question:
“Cats!”
A-Zhan nods, he counted cats in his mental list. He got it right! He wonders if they could catch a fish for Wei Ying’s cat, as a present. He heard adults said that when you were invited somewhere you had to bring a gift to the host, that it was an implicit rule. A-Zhan wishes such rules were carved into the wall of Cloud Recesses, that way he would know about it. There are not enough rules; honestly. There no rules that tell him what to put in a letter to a friend, for example.
Uncle said that Wei Ying would be sad if A-Zhan didn’t answer his letters, but A-Zhan doesn’t know what to fill the paper with, so he just stared for hours, kneeling in front of the desk, unable to come up with any, until uncle sighed and said he had to go to bed. A-Zhan can’t win arguments with words, so he stubbornly stays silent and kneels, hoping he will be more patient than the others. Until they get that he is not making a whim; that he just can’t do what they ask him to do without him admitting it. Words...Words are difficult; his words are ugly, not like the ones from the poetry book his uncle reads them aloud. It doesn’t sound right like that. It doesn’t sound enough each time he tries too. How can one word be enough sometimes when it encapsulates so much more? The word mom for example, how can he reduce his mom to just a word when she is also warm and kind and she smells so sweet. It’s imprecise, it doesn’t convey all that he feels about his mother. Besides, sometimes words do not have the same meaning; he heard people from Cloud Recesses have a dialect different from Lotus Pier. How does that work? Do they use “mother” instead of "father"? Does table stand for chair, there? It puzzles him. How come Wei Ying speaks the same as him if he is from there?
Words with music, like the one his dad plays during their one-day-of-the-month, or the one uncle is teaching him, are a little bit easier for A-Zhan. Because you can make the note tremble, or stay and linger, and it ties into a feeling. It’s not as much as A-Zhan wants but it’s better still. Lately, he has been trying to accept that his words will never be good enough, yet still says them. Mostly because now Uncle knows he can speak so he is sadder and disappointed when A-Zhan doesn’t. But also because people around him seem to be okay with not-complete-words, and if A-Zhan repeats their words as it satisfies him too, they accept it. He doesn’t know if they are truly okay with the language too, or if like A-Zhan they hear “miss you” and think “no, it’s more” but settle for it still. He hopes they do not and that it’s enough for them. He doesn’t quite like feeling like this and thinks no one should. But sometimes he can see that elders keep their words in and say things they don’t think and feel too. Because gossiping is forbidden.
If only people could read minds, the world would be better. No one would have to talk and no one would get confused or misunderstand the other’s intention. There are no words in A-Zhan’s mind, but sound colors and images, and the world are truer there.
“Nephews, come here, we’re almost at Lotus Pier, I need to give you more instructions.”
A-Zhan steps out of his daydream and walks to his uncle, he wants to ask what almost means for him this time - because sometimes almost is a distance, sometimes it’s time, sometimes it’s something else entirely - but he doesn’t know how to turn it into something polite and respectful. Fortunately, A-Huan has the same idea and asks.
“We’ll be arriving right after lunch.” Says Uncle. A-Zhan looks up to the sky; it’s up high, but no servants have started making lunch yet. Does that mean he will see Wei Ying before dinner? Does that mean he will eat dinner with Wei Ying? He almost smiles, but forces it down before it can show. Elders explained to A-Huan that if you show you care about something in politics, bad people could use it against you. A-Zhan doesn’t get how they can use a smile against you but he is not taking the risk.
Uncle reminds them that they have to make the Clan proud and be courteous and well behaved. He also reminds them to listen to the people with purple robes, and if there’s any trouble - someone trying to lure them away - they have to get to Lan Juan or Lan Yuan and stay close to them.
“They will protect you if anything happens,” Uncle concludes.
It’s again a way to say things that A-Zhan doesn’t quite get; things are bound to happen, right? He doesn’t dare to ask what because A-Huan seems to get it quite well. Uncle doesn’t clarify. A-Zhan decides it’s going to be okay as long as he stays close to his brother then, he doesn’t need to understand much.
“A-Zhan,” Uncle says, turning to him. “I’m counting on you to behave. Be cautious with your training ribbon, do not lose it, okay?”
A-Zhan nods and touches the training ribbon that is tied to his forehead. It is not the sacred one he will receive once he leaves the nursery or uncle’s care and is allowed to go with his brother to sect teaching, next year. But it’s smooth and pretty too. A-Huan told him it was okay if he lost it, unlike the sacred ribbon, and that it is why it’s called the “training” one. He also said to him that if he manages to wear it until the end of the training period he will be able to keep it like a treasure, the same way Uncle keeps A-Huan’s baby teeth. Still, A-Zhan caresses the red ribbon that Wei Ying offered and that is currently tied to his wrist. Is it bad if he prefers this one over it?
Uncle misunderstands his gesture and shakes his head:
“Ah. I know you take care of your things, it was unfair of me to doubt you. I know you’ll keep your ribbon safe just like you do with the other one.”
It’s not true, but it’s not false either, so A-Zhan says nothing back. Instead, when uncle sits with his guqin, A-Zhan gets near and they spend the rest of the afternoon playing together, almost talking, while A-Huan reads a book.
They finally arrive at Lotus Pier when the sky gets all orange and red, even though it’s not dawn at all. A-Zhan is so mesmerized by the sight that he doesn’t even bow to his uncle when he helps him get out of the boat safely. He follows his brother absentmindedly, clinging to his ribbon’s tail, his eyes set on the way the light makes a blinding bridge over the water, wondering where it leads when he hears Wei Ying’s voice again:
“Lan Zhan!”
Before he knows it he is smashed to the ground, tackled by a hug. When he opens his eyes, all A-Zhan see is Wei Ying and his bright smile. Oh. And also A-Huan, who still has his arms open like he expected to get a hug too. He certainly shouldn’t be happy about that; being preferred by Wei Ying over his brother. He tries but fails.
“Wei Wuxian! This is not how you greet guests! Apologize!” Someone grabs Wei Ying by the collar and drags him out of A-Zhan’s arms. He doesn’t like it.
“Auntie! Auntie! It’s Lan Zhan!” Says Wei Ying to the woman who took him away. Then he proceeds to ignore her response and makes grabby hands movement toward A-Zhan, continuing with a big smile: “Sorry Lan Zhan! I missed you so, so, so much! Did you miss me! I wrote to you, you wrote to me too? I didn’t get letters! Do you still have my ribbon? You have a new ribbon! It’s so pretty!”
A-Zhan is unable to answer before Wei Ying speaks again, so he doesn’t try. He simply nods and wants to show him his wrist tied with the red ribbon. Look I took good care of your gift, can you come back home now? But A-Huan helps A-Zhan get back on his feet before he can do that either.
Wei Ying’s auntie bows slightly to uncle and apologizes again, for the “little monster’s behavior” while uncle assures he understands, after all, the boy is Cangse Sanren’s son, he says.
“Hey!” Wei Ying’s mother appears in the background with a big pout, she is surrounded by other children. She is still flying on her sword instead of walking, and when he sees her Lan Huan smiles big and wide. She pats his head and says: “Hello Lan Huan, I’m glad to see you again.” before trying to do the same with A-Zhan, but he avoids her touch. Lan Huan likes pats on the head, she should give him all the pats. His brother is already sad he didn’t get a hug from Wei Ying. A-Zhan doesn’t mind if it works that way; Lan Huan gets Cangse Sanren’s attention and he gets Wei Ying’s. Besides, only his mother can pat his head.
One of the other kids present, wearing purple robes, glares directly at A-Zhan after he dodges the pat, and mumbles with a pout
“He is not that beautiful at all...”
“Jiang Cheng, mind your manners!! Do you want to start a Sect war?!” Screams Wei Ying’s auntie again, grabbing him by the collar of his robe too.
“You are his best friend, but I’m his brother,” Jiang Cheng says to A-Zhan, ignoring completely his mother, prideful. “Father said I win.”
“Jiang Cheng this isn’t the moment to brag!”
The Madam has now two kids restrained, one who is still fussing, trying very hard to cuddle A-Zhan, and another who is looking ready to murder A-Zhan with his eyes. Another kid arrives, a girl, maybe as old as A-Huan, and A-Zhan doesn’t know who to focus on anymore. Uncle warned him there would be a lot of people but he hadn’t realized it would be this bad. Is it like the nursery? That’s why he stays with uncle every chance he gets instead of going to the nursery; it’s too crowded there. Instinctively, he hides behind his brother and hopes they will talk to A-Huan rather than him. That’s what the girl does, fortunately, as she asks them if their travels went well. Isn’t that obvious, he wonders, since they are here at Lotus Pier now? If the trip went bad they wouldn’t. Why do people always ask unnecessary questions?
“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! It’s my sister! Her name is Jiang Yanli!” Wei Ying tells him with a big smile. “She is the best sister in the world!”
“She's my sister too!” says Jiang Cheng.
A-Zhan wonders how Wei Ying knows Jiang Yanli is the best sister in the world, did he meet all of them?
The adults seem busy discussing right now; uncle tries very hard not to scowl at Wei Ying’s mother, and talks about stuff to Wei Ying’s auntie A-Zhan is not sure he gets.
“Thank you for your help with your healers, Sect leader Lan,” says the auntie in purple robes.
“It was the right thing to do. How is your right-hand-man, Madam?” Inquires Uncle.
“He is resting right now, but doing better thanks to your help, we are in your debt.”
“Me too, just state what you want and I will give it you,” Smiles Wei Ying’s mother.
Lan Qiren thinks very hard; Don’t ever bother me again then. Even if he admires the woman and is happy that her husband is safe, he would very much prefer to keep his distance with her until they all die from natural causes.
A-Zhan wonders why his uncle doesn’t answer anything polite. It must be because of one of the implicit rules that are not carved on Cloud Recesses’ wall. One A-Zhan doesn’t know about.
Suddenly Wei Ying takes his hand - he didn’t notice when he got released by his aunt. Probably when they started to talk about adult stuff together.
“Lan Zhan, you’ll like it, your guest room is like, only one door away from mine! I will show you! Why didn’t you answer any of my letters? Do you still have my ribbon?”
A-Zhan manages to show him the ribbon at his wrist this time, and it’s worth the trouble because Wei Ying beams at it, bouncing on his feet.
“You have it! You have it! Lan Huan, I have a gift for you too but it’s not a ribbon- oh! And my kitty is with my daddy if you want to see him!” A-Zhan misses his brother’s reaction as Wei Ying continues on, without even taking a single pause in between: “Let me show you my daddy too, Lan Zhan! I wanted to do a snowball fight with you and him! But there’s no snow anymore ( Lan Huan tries to invite him at Cloud Recesses if he likes the snow, but Wei Ying is too fast and too loud, he continues without noticing ) and daddy needs to rest! I will show him to you! He is sick right now so you have to be very quiet near him, but you’ll like him!”
That’s what he likes with Wei Ying’s babbles, none of it are questions that require an answer from him, he just has to listen and nod from time to time. Wei Ying doesn’t mind his silence to his words.
“You’re the one who is not quiet!” Complains still Jiang Cheng, while Jiang Yanli simply laughs.
She takes her little brother’s hands and shows A-Zhan the way, like a good Sect leader’s daughter. They get away from adults, and A-Zhan wonders if it’s alright; but since A-Huan is coming too, he supposes it’s okay.
“Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan!”
Lan Zhan looks up, again, just on time to see Wei Ying as he throws himself into his arms. A-Zhan barely has the reflex to catch him. Wei Ying laughs and presses his arms around his neck.
“That’s how my daddy carried mommy when she felt bad and hurt!”
A-Zhan frowns; is Wei Ying hurt then? Is that why he is asking to be carried? Uncle says he is not a baby anymore so he doesn’t have to be carried so many times, only mom does still. And some adults, without his permission. Like Lan Juan. He doesn’t like that. But Wei Ying seems to like it. He kind of likes carrying Wei Ying too.
“What are you doing?” spits Jiang Cheng, glaring again at them.
“I’m hugging my best friend because I missed him!” Says Wei Ying, and A-Zhan’s heart beats faster. He opens his mouth to say he missed Wei Ying too, that Cloud Recesses is strange now that he isn’t there, silent and dull. That he misses the way they played because when he was there he didn’t have to go to the nursery and spends time with other kids that avoid him. But before he can say that - before he even finds the first words, Jiang Yanli inquires:
“I hope it doesn’t bother you, young master?”
A-Huan stares at him too, surprised and worried, like he expects A-Zhan to drop Wei Ying on the ground. He holds Wei Ying better to show him he will not, he can do it! And shakes his head so show that he doesn’t mind. Wei Ying’s grin grows wider.
“See! See! Now up Lan Zhan! I want to show you Lotus Pier!”
A-Zhan walks a little bit clumsily, trying to go in the direction Wei Ying points out. They make the tour of the Lotus Pier like this, Wei Ying showing them their room - and his room that is just across the hallway. The place is okay but the main room of the Wei Quarters is strange: covered in flour and water, he hopes it’s not always like that. Wei Ying says they battled there this morning, and changes subjects just as well, adding that maybe they can arrange things so he will sleep in the Lan’s room with him. Or maybe in Wei Ying’s room but Wei Ying will get to sleep with his daddy instead like he did yesterday. Which makes A-Zhan misses the point; what’s worth him sleeping in Wei Ying’s bedroom if Wei Ying isn’t there too? Wei Ying shows him a window.
“Daddy is sleeping inside, mommy said he has to take lots of naps to get better and I must not wake him,” he repeats, so he makes the sign to not make a sound, then proceeds to scream next pointing at the lotus pond.
“Lan Juan fell in this one yesterday!” He claims.
There’s a lot of ponds, some are still frozen because mother wanted to teach them how to skate on it and made a talisman, he explained. Some ponds are warm because there are scripture carved inside to make the water’s temperature always perfect for Lotus, Wei Ying adds. They will swim there if he wants; he assures that his mother can take them on her sword and then drop them in and it’s okay ( and fun ). A-Zhan hums, not sure, but willing to give it a try. Sometimes other kids try to participate or add a piece of information or two, but honestly, Wei Ying speaks so loudly and too close to his ears so he doesn’t get it at all. He is grateful for that because he is not sure he can give everyone the same attention, which is what politeness requires and what they probably deserve. After a while Wei Ying points out another place, moving so much A-Zhan almost drops him.
Two new children are playing on a terrace, near a Lotus pond that seems super warm, as it makes small puffs of cloud, like mist, all the time. It’s one girl and a baby boy; both in white clothes and for a moment A-Zhan wonders if there are still a lot of kids hiding where he cannot see. He hopes not. Wei Ying continues to point a finger and presents those two:
“It’s Wen Ning and Wen Qing! They are here because they got into trouble. A-Ning is super cute, but don’t touch him because A-Qing doesn’t like it and she has needles!”
A-Zhan nods, trying to remember the warning; he doesn’t like touching people anyway, except brother, and uncle, and mom and Wei Ying. Maybe sometimes Cangse Sanren and Lan Juan, but not always. As if his thought summoned them he sees Lan Yuan and Lan Juan, they seem to come back from the spot where uncle was. They wave their hands at him and before he can wave back, all children around do it, startling him with so much noise. Instinctively he puts his hands on his ears, trying to make it less overwhelming. And drops Wei Ying in the process. The boy yelps. With so much movement around him, A-Zhan also can’t avoid being touched, they are everywhere, and he bumps into Wen Ning, who falls on his butt too. He hadn’ realized the Wen had moved and joined the group. The little boy stares back in confusion, and A-Zhan knows he should say sorry to both of them, Wen Ning and Wei Ying, but he didn’t mean it, and neither did he see the baby. He was trying to avoid being touched. Is he going to be punished? Wen Qing stares at him furiously.
“Hey be careful! He is still sick!”
“Wen Ning has been here because he was hurt, you have to be careful, second master Lan.” Explains Jiang Yanli.
“Say sorry!” Demands Jiang Cheng with a frown. “To A-Xian for dropping him and A-Ning!”
He doesn’t know who to look anymore, they are all speaking in turn and he is a bit lost. It’s like in the nursery. He doesn’t understand how other children can be so slow sometimes, so slow he is forced to wait for them to catch up during exercises, and yet so fast when discussing that he barely manages to follow the conversation. A-Zhan doesn’t know what to do and who to look at at this point. He wishes there could just be Wei Ying and not all those persons, like in Cloud Recesses.
“I apologize in my little brother’s stead, he didn’t mean it,” Says A-Huan bowing. “He just doesn’t like being touched.”
“Why?” Asks Jiang Yanli, curious.
“Urgh same, hugs are the worst. Kisses too are yerk.” Concedes Jiang Cheng at the same time.
Kissing is a risk here? A-Zhan panics over. He really doesn’t like being touched. At first, he didn’t mind; but then he realized that no one would be mad at him or punish him if he avoided contact because promiscuity is prohibited. So he used it to avoid people he didn’t like, like the mean elders who always told him how to behave. They’re the ones who make rules, the one who decides when, who, how, pretty much everything in A-Zhan’s life, because he was the second young master they had control over everything in his life but that. Even better, if they still went against his will and touched him they were the ones being scolded by uncle. It’s something they have to ask permission from A-Zhan before they do, and a power he has over them. The only one he has. So A-Zhan used it, shamelessly until now, when he just forgot to tolerate contact at one point. Now A-Zhan can’t explain it without risking being scolded, because he deserves it; he had been mean and petty and not good and maybe not standing contact anymore except for a few people is his punishment for acting as such. He stays silent.
“Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying tries to catch his hand, but A-Zhan doesn’t realize it’s him on time and gets away. Sometimes when he stays silent too long other children try to grab him. Not in the gentle way Wei Ying or A-Huan or mom and uncle do, but more challenging and angry. Like they dare A-Zhan to resist and make a sound.
A-Zhan whines when he sees the hurt in Wei Ying’s eyes.
“I’m afraid there are a little bit too many people for the second young master. Come on kids, give him a little space to brea-” Says Lan Juan as she appears near them.
And without his consent, she tries to take him in her arms. In front of people, in front of Wei Ying! It’s not like the nursery where he doesn’t have friends and doesn’t mind, but here, he will be the only one carried and treated like a baby! When there are actual babies among them way, way younger than him, who are hurt! Because of him! Why isn’t she carrying them instead of him? So he struggles against it. Lan Juan gets it and lets him drop on the ground. A-Zhan immediately hides behind his brother’s back.
All the kids look at him with puzzled expressions. He doesn’t like it. He acts out of place, he will be punished because he made a scene, right? He tries to bow to apologize but just as he does, Jiang Cheng states:
“Does he not know how to talk?”
A-Zhan gulps because he is often lost during conversations, but he knows how this one is going to be like; first, they will try to make him talk when he doesn’t want to, then they will poke him and forbid him to play with them because he is weird and he doesn’t say anything so he must be okay with it, or worse, he must not like them. Which, okay fair enough; A-Zhan doesn’t know them so of course, he doesn’t like them.
“He knows how to talk!” Defends Wei Ying. A-Zhan thinks it might be a good time to say something, anything, but he doesn’t quite know what that would make things less awkward at this point.
“Why doesn’t he then?”
A-Zhan decides he really has enough right now, and he turns to get back to uncle. It’s okay he had fun and all, he is happy to see Wei Ying, but can he goes back to Cloud Recesses? There are too many people, and too many sounds, and too many contacts. He doesn't like it and he makes mistakes that embarrass the Lan Clan. Can he just come back when there’s only Wei Ying? Unfortunately when he goes back to the pier uncle is not here anymore, in his stead, there are even more people. New kids in green robes. This is an absolute nightmare!
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying catches up with him. “You okay?”
A-Zhan can’t do anything but shakes his head; where is uncle? He doesn’t know all those people, he doesn’t even see Wei Ying’s mother anymore... A-Huan -who followed- gets what’s bothering him and kneels in front of him:
“A-Zhan, remember what uncle told us? He is sleeping at the Inn because he has to take care of the disciples. We are to stay here with the other children. You promised to be a good boy while he is not here.”
Good boy. He can do that. He… A-Zhan gulps, as Jiang Cheng rushes to the new kids, ignoring him completely. Which is comforting, A-Zhan can handle it if they all ignore him.
There’s a really older one, almost as old as disciples, and a toddler this time. Both wearing green. The oldest looks pissed but Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem to care about his glare and immediately runs to the baby, offering his hands:
“Hi! My name is Jiang Cheng! What’s yours?”
“Huangsai!” The boys' chirps.
“Huaisang,” corrects the older boy with a scowl.
“A-Sang!” The boy concludes.
“How old are you?” Jiang Cheng asks then with a raise of an eyebrow.
Nie Huaisang looks at his hand, focusing on his fingers, and behind everyone’s back, the older boy starts showing three fingers. Three and a half, if his almost uncurled four-finger counts. The teen points at it not so discreetly. He reminds A-Zhan of A-Huan, and A-Huan laughs behind his sleeve. They must be brothers. It calms his nerves a bit. Huaisang notices his elder’s effort...And decides to not waste it; he points his brother to Jiang Cheng.
“That!”
The biggest one facepalms. A-Huan can’t help but snort; not knowing if the little boy is smart or lazy. A-Zhan thinks it’s smart, he wonders if he can do that too, let people talks in his stead, and simply points out that’s what he wanted to tell. Maybe that would work, maybe this way people wouldn’t mind him not saying a word. Unimpressed by all of this, Jiang Cheng immediately gets to the point:
“Do you like cats or dogs better?”
The question sounds like some moral compass. Jiang Cheng eyes at Wei Ying in the corner, with a smirk, while Nie Huaisang puts a finger into his mouth, thinking and drooling.
“Birds!” Finally decides Nie Huaisang, proudly. “Don’t like cats. Eat birds.” He adds, and Wei Wuxian gasps.
“Good enough!” Judges A-Cheng, putting his arm around the toddler’s shoulder. “You’re my new best friend! And you talk!”
Wei Ying makes an offended sound in the background, probably on behalf of Lan Zhan. But A-Zhan doesn’t mind, it’s true. He would rather not talk to people if he can avoid it. He messed up enough already. A-Huan is better at this and goes to say hello to the oldest one, who states that his name is Nie Mingjue.
“Ahh!” Screams Jiang Cheng suddenly.
Nie Huaisang’s definition of friendship, apparently, is an implicit authorization to cuddle; which was obviously not part of Jiang Cheng’s plan at all. A-Zhan would feel sorry for him -because he doesn’t like a hug too- but he doesn’t quite like Jiang Cheng so he can’t help but think it’s fair he gets to be hugged. Except that Jiang Cheng hides behind Wei Ying.
“Ah no! No hug!” He yells, trying to get the little boy to unleash him without hurting him. “A-Xian do something!”
Wei Ying coos at Nie Huaisang taking the hug in his brother's stead. It makes Nie Mingjue laugh loudly in the background and A-Zhan’s guts hurt. Why is Wei Ying cuddling people he doesn’t know? He doesn’t get it. Is he always like that?
A-Zhan is tired right now, so many things are happening at the same time and so fast and everyone is talking at the same time he can’t follow all the conversations. There’s another boy AGAIN, that appeared out of nowhere and started to talk to A-Huan and the Nie Brothers, and honestly, A-Zhan doesn’t want to know his identity at this point. He wants to go home. Or to bed. The bed would be good. He is tired and he doesn’t want to cause another scene and embarrass everyone. But A-Huan is busy and he doesn’t want to bother him he wants to be a good boy like he promised so no one complains about uncle and his mom and dad.
“Young master Lan?”
A-Zhan turns and sees Jiang Yanli. She doesn’t touch him but points out a place near her, on the terrace, where Lan Juan is laying a blanket. A-Ning is already there, sleeping while sucking his thumb near his big sister. A-Zhan doesn’t want to be treated like a baby but...
“You can go there if you want,” she smiles. “I will tell A-Xian you’re tired. We will wake you before dinner. Okay? Don’t worry about earlier, it’s okay.”
A-Zhan doesn’t know what to say, thank you isn’t enough; the lump in his throat melts away and he lets out a relieved sigh, nodding and bowing. He doesn’t understand why he feels so drained when he barely did anything today. Why being with people exhausts him in a way that doing handstands all morning does not. He knows that; on the first day on the boat he got punished by an uncle because he almost fell into the river (trying to get a shiny rock); Uncle said if he did he would have drowned because no one would have known before it was too late and he made him do handstands until lunchtime, reciting all rules he had to follow on a boat. And still, that day, A-Zhan hadn’t needed a nap as he does right now.
Maybe it’s Wei Ying’s presence that makes him want to sleep, he wonders. He liked napping with Wei Ying, he had a good dream filled with music, even if he woke up with a fever and almost missed his one-day-month with mom. He looks at the blanket once again, yearning, wondering if Wei Ying is going to join at some point. Jiang Yanli leads him to the place kindly. Lan Juan whispers to him some comforting words like she always does at the nursery; back in Cloud Recesses, then she leaves, letting him find a spot he likes.
He is a little bit embarrassed to not be able to handle something that everyone pretty much seems to have no trouble at all dealing with. But he would rather nap than cause a ruckus about it, and all this agitation tired him. He closes his eyes as soon as he curls on the blanket and jolts awake when he feels a presence near him. He must have fallen asleep because now A-Huan is with him, and A-Zhan’s head is on his laps. His brother is patting his back, soothing him up. And just near him, there’s Wei Ying too. The boy isn’t sleeping, he is staring. When he notices that A-Zhan is awake, he smiles.
A-Zhan can’t help but feel blinded by it, he doesn’t get why Wei Ying is so happy to see him when he was so rude and embarrassed him earlier, but he is grateful for it.
“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whispers like no one can hear him (But A-Huan smiles above them). “I’m sorry-”
A-Zhan immediately puts his hand on his mouth to stop the word from coming. He hates sorry and thank you, every time dad and mom talk, it’s always to say that and they look sad. So he shakes his head, Wei Ying seems to understand and he nods, so he frees him. Wei Ying doesn’t even take the time to gulp a bit of air before he resumes:
“I told everyone you don’t have to talk because I will talk to you so you don’t worry! And A-Li made A-Cheng promise to let me have time with you only! Also, I will make sure no one touches you so we can play. Don’t worry! I missed you, Lan Zhan!”
A-Zhan nods, the lump in his throat is back but it’s a different kind, not as painful as earlier. There’s no one to interrupt him this time, and Wei Ying seems to have said all he wanted too, so A-Zhan tries. He opens his mouth, and even though it’s not even close to enough, he repeats:
“Mn. Missed you.”
Wei Ying lets out a happy squeal and he tries to hugs A-Zhan again, but the boy refuses; stopping him with a hand on his friend’s face. The position is awkward and it will bother A-Huan. And he has enough contact he is not okay with more, right now, not even Wei Ying. Just A-Huan. But he can do something else. Slowly, A-Zhan takes off his training ribbon and gives it to Wei Ying, wrapping it to the boy’s wrist.
For your ribbon last time, and your letter, he wants to tell but he is not sure where to start. Uncle said A-Zhan had to be careful with it, and not lost it, but if he gives it, it’s not really lost, right? It feels right to finally give Wei Ying something; like a gift. Wei Ying gave A-Zhan many things; bunnies, ribbon, letters, sounds in the silent library, fun at Cloud Recesses, yet A-Zhan hadn’t managed to get him anything in return, not even that shiny rock he saw in the riverbank. It seems fairer that way.
A-Huan makes a strange noise but he doesn’t forbid A-Zhan to do it. And Wei Ying’s eyes fill with stars, he squirms on his spot.
“I’m so happy! I’m never taking it off!” He promises, then puts his writs near A-Zhan’s. “Look; now we match! Wei Ying is about to add something else, but A-Zhan puts his hands on his mouth again to shut him up. He has something to say, and it’s important but he can’t if Wei Ying doesn’t let A-Zhan times. Unlike back then at Cloud Recesses, Wei Ying doesn’t lick his fingers to set himself free, simply stares to his friend. A-Zhan whispers, very weakly:
“Letters...I wanted to write to you. But I don’t know how.”
Wei Ying’s eyes get all shiny and happy again, and A-Zhan really ants to say more, but he is really exhausted. A-Huan above him is surprised; this is, maybe the longest sentence his little brother ever spoke in his entire life. It’s a lot of words and A-Zhan is starting to get aware of his surrounding once again, of all the fuzz and noise, people playing and discussing. He would rather not...He isn’t sure he likes Lotus Pier right now, there are too much noise and too many people. So he closes his eyes and tries very hard to imagine the silence of his home; or the song his parent make during their visit-day. It’s not hard to feel safe again, with his cheek pressed against A-Huan’s laps and Wei Ying by his side.
“It’s okay Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying whispers. “I will teach you how to! But I don’t know how to write well yet too or read everything...Huh.”
A-Zhan knows how to read and he is good at copying characters. He knows that eight-month before Wei Ying was almost as good as him -so just starting. Did he not train seriously?
“Oh I know, you can do like me and draw and then ask your uncle to write what you say!” adds Wei Ying. “Or maybe not! Hm. Don’t worry we will find a way! We will learn together!”
“I can teach you,” Promises A-Huan kindly. “You should have told me, I would have taught you A-Zhan.”
A-Zhan isn’t sure, if he had told at Cloud Recesses, people would have known. And No one told him how to write a letter, assuming that since he knew how to copy and write a bit, he could do that too. But A-Zhan didn’t. So it’s not normal, right? It’s like he failed some kind of test; they would all be embarrassed! He doesn’t want A-Huan or uncle to be embarrassed by him.
“Thank you Lan Huan!” Smiles Wei Ying, not minding at all.
A-Zhan nods to confirm the sentiment of gratitude still, half asleep again. He likes it now, though, all the noise from the other is distant; but it exists. It’s like he is with them without being among them. Though he can’t help but hope that maybe, there will be fewer people when he opens his eyes again. It would still make things easier.
Notes:
I hope you liked this little tiny baby lan's pov! I loved writing it so much <3
And since I'm at it, I will also share you another dream I had a while back...For another fic that-i-will-never-write :
This one starts just when the Wen siblings give themselves up to the Jin. Jiang Yanli realizes after her husband's death that WWX is never going to be free until he is dead too. She refuses to lose any one else. Jiang Yanli uses her mourning to visit Wen Qing (saying to Madam Jin she needs to talk to Jin Zixuan's murderers to get peace) and together they plot to save WWX. Wen Qing teachs her how to make a poison that makes the victim looks like he is dead when he is not. She uses this poison on Wen Qing too to save her (as she leaves for nightless city to save her brother). She puts poison on her blade and stabs Wei Wuxian with it (who lets her because guilt) except shehurts herself with her blade in the process. Jiang Yanli wakes up a few days later in her coffin scaring the life out of Jiang Cheng. Jiang Yanli goes "where is brother's body cause he is going to wake up soon too?" and he is like "Idk he just killed you I was kinda angry?" And then it's a bit blurry but somehow we learn that Lan Zhan got his soulmate body out and also got the shit scared out of him when Wei Ying woke up too. Idk yet how Yanli learns about it but she gets to Cloud recesses to get him back and eventually falls in love with Lan Xichen over the years (because why not, they look neat together and Zixuan is dead (sorry TT))
While in the meantime, Wen Qing got turned into a zombie corpse like her brother because Jin Guangyao understands that he had no one to burn at the stakes so he did damage control with Xue Yang to not be scolded by his father but since she wasn't completely dead the experience turned awry and Xue Yang got killed when she woke up. She fled with her brother too. IDK about Jin Guangyao's fate. Either he goes back to Mingjue's sect after putting all the blame on his father's back (so it clears Wei Wuxian's reputation) and get away with it...He doesn't marry Qin Su because the investigation on his father's crimes let the world knows about her birth's circumstances...Or he dies I suppose (sorry again). Hopefully he does not kill Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang enters revenge mode and the story ands in 3Zun
Anyways Wen Qing and Wen Ning are in the run for 13 years until they meet the gang again, Wei Wuxian grew another core because I can find an excuse I'm sure and get shipped with Jiang Cheng somehow and my dream that day ended with this conversation :
WWX : I think you hated the corpse's odor?
JC : fuck you
WWX : I don't fuck corpse at the very least
JC : no but your husband does.
Lan Zhan : ????
WWX : hey he did nothing to my body during those 7 days
WWX : I think.
WWX : maybe
WWX : ....did you ?
Lan Zhan *gets away covering A-Yuan's ears*Also I read a story in the WenQing/JiangCheng tag titled "half-agony, half-hope" (It's starting very well! I can't wait to see what's next) and it gave me another idea for fic I will share next chapter. By the way next chapter is Yu Ziyuan's pov and we will get the Jin Zixuan / Jiang Yanli's meeting =D
Wish you all a nice week end, see you on Tuesday ^^
Chapter 52: Conference starters pack
Notes:
I'm so baffled and grateful by the amount of love last chapter received <3 Thank you very very much i'm so happy little Lan Zhan is so loved <3 (Wei Ying is going to be jealous =o)
Previous chapter summary -->Lan Zhan finally arrived to Lotus Pier. While his uncle will attend the conference at Yunmeng, his borther and him will stay at the Jiang Sect's place. If Lan Zhan was very happy to see Wei Ying again, he was also very overwhelmed by the cheer number of other kids around them. His fear of contact and inability to communicate almost made him being antagonized by the other kids, fortunately thansk to his brother, Jiang Yanli Wei Ying and some adults, it didn't happen. Exhausted by so many social interaction he went to nap, and when he awoke Wei Ying was there to assure him he would protect him from everything during the conference. Grateful, Lan Zhan offered his friend is trainin-ribbon, a ribbon that he was supposed to wear and take care in order to prepare the day he would have the sacred one.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yu Ziyuan comes back late, the day before the conference, by boat this time ( powered by talisman to go faster ). She has with her Wen Ning and Wen Qing, the little boy had been sick all throughout their trip. His sister, despite being completely exhausted and drained after the burial of her parents, tended to him so he would not throw up. But as soon as they arrive at the Pier, Yu Ziyuan gives Wen Ning to the woman they brought with them; a Wen civilian that the children call granny, despite her not appearing very old. She is here partially because Yu Ziyuan thought the children needed someone they trusted and cared about after such an experience, but also because the whole Sect will turn into a nursery tomorrow and they need as many helpers as they can get. “Granny” ( Whose name is actually Wen Hong, this time Yu Ziyuan asked, cared ) accepted to be a guest at the sect and help her little masters, while the rest of her family would either stay at the inn under the Jiang’s protection ( especially the children ), or help rebuild their home. Whether Wen Hong is their actual grandmother or not is a bit unclear to Yu Ziyuan, but she made sure the woman knew that her and the rest of her family would be welcome to Yunmeng or Lotus Pier if they ever needed it. But they clung to their mountain. It’s our home, they said.
She is not the only one they brought to Lotus Pier thoughts; there’s also a bunch of civilians. Jiang Fengmian has a plan to make sure the Wen kids will be able to stay with their relatives at worst, or with them at Lotus Pier at best and it requires them to be there. It’s a long shot, one they barely discussed the night before she went back to Dafan mountain...But it has to work. It’s the only one they managed to come up with.
She shows them the place they will be able to stay and then heads to her room. Jiang Fengmian is already lying on the bed, but he’s not asleep.
“I was waiting for you to come back safe.” He smiles.
She feels her heart warming up and says:
“I’m home.”
As she joins him on the bed. He tells her about Wei Changze being awake. It was worth it then, for Yu Ziyuan to go to the burial in his stead, she decides when he tells her about it. Jiang Fengmian hadn’t been able to be near his best friend while he was sick but he could be here when he woke up, that’s good. Her husband also tells her about what they learned, the reason behind his Qi deviation.
“Of course. I should have expected this.” She scoffs.
She was so sure this man bottled up all his feeling inside, no wonder it just exploded to his face. This is so stupid; but at the very least Jiang Fengmian must feel less guilty, his stupid best friend did this to himself, all on his own, like an adult. And it is apparently not Meng Yao’s fault either – which is good, she would hate having to kick the boy out of the sect after putting so much effort into making him stay and safe there. Yet she can’t help but smirk, thinking of her sworn sister:
“She told us she makes him talk about his feelings in bed, Not enough apparently…”
At the very least it is not hard to make sure it does not happen again. Jiang Fengmian blushes at her remark but he shakes his head and continue his explanation:
“He didn’t know. The Lan’s explained to me that such memories are not...Well most people aren’t aware of them.”
“Like amnesia?”
“From what i understood, it’s more like putting everything that bothers you inside a box, then hiding the box and forgetting about it, even where you hide it, until you stumble upon it and open it up.”
“Those Lan have a strange way of describing it.” But it’s efficient, she supposes. She gets why they get along so well with Cangse Sanren; they have the same strange minds.
He tells her that he tried to look for Wei Changze’s parents name in his files, to find back the transaction that made him a servant for the Jiang. He hadn’t found more than a surname, and a price tag on it.
“Why did you do that, if he said he didn’t want to meet them?” Asks Yu Ziyuan, frowning.
If she was in Wei Changze’s position, she would want to find them and beat the shit out of them for abandoning her, but she is starting to know both her husband and his right-hand man. They are not like that.
“He talked about his siblings being sold too. I want to make sure he will be able to find them if he ever wants to.”
She stays silent, the conversation bringing back the memory of one lost kid she had wanted to find. Zhao Zhuliu. No. Wen Zhuliu now. Lost. Jiang Fengmian notices her sour mood and wraps his arms around her shoulders, bringing her close. He whispers that he will keep looking for a way – an opportunity – to save the boy she cares about but she stops him. They are running out of time to find one, they are not even sure their plan to save the Wen kid will work; it’s a long shot. The fact is, Wen Zhuliu is now indebted to Wen Ruohan, even if they do find a way to rescue him, it will be at the risk of him betraying the Jiang Sect later. She can’t take that risk. She has to let go of the boy.
It shouldn’t be hard; even if she never stopped being friends with the boy’s father, they stopped seeing each other and talking, so much so that she didn’t even know when he’d died . Her reason tells her it shouldn’t be hard to let go. Yet it is. It hurts.
“Do you know where our motto comes from?” Jiang Fengmian whispers in the dark.
“No” to her utter shame, she does not remember, even though she probably learned it when she was accepted into the family during her marriage.
“The first Jiang, my ancestor, was part of another sect. A conflict arose in the territory and he wasn't happy with his sect’s strategy, as he thought they sacrificed too many people in order to win. He talked to his leader, tried to convince them to find alternatives, but the leaders told him “there is no other way, we have no choice.” My ancestor said to them “It is when you think that way that you stop looking for a better solution!” the sect leader told him that what he wished for was impossible, that you could not win a war without sacrifices. My ancestor refused to partake in this, seceded from their sect, and became a wanderer, helping every people he met and gathering disciples and followers.” He scoffs. “Of course once he founded his sect, things were more complicated and our archives show that he did not manage to never sacrifice anybody in clan wars or skirmishes. But…”
He looks up at the ceiling.
“I think I want his words to mean that it is especially important when you feel cornered and pressured into a decision that you remain level headed and think of other ways people don’t want you to think of, even those you don’t want to think of. That impossible is only an excuse we use because we don’t want to find another path. We truly have no other choices when we stop searching for them. Maybe that is what he meant when he said attempt the impossible . At least, that’s how I always interpreted this story.”
He caresses her cheek lovingly and promises.
“I will keep searching for a way to save him.”
Yu Ziyuan’s throat hurts, filled with both angry and sad words. She caresses his cheeks too. My foolish man, who never gives up, she thinks, both annoyed and besotted. She feels so loved right now, as he is ready to fight for what she cares about. She knows it is even more foolish of her to make him change his mind at this point, so she does what she promised to do, and puts barriers to his plans:
“Don’t put the sect or yourself in danger while doing so.”
Jiang Fengmian smiles back and promises. She falls asleep in her husband’s arms, and thinks, once again, how having a heart is a heavy burden.
Yu Ziyuan is happy to see Cangse Sanren the next day. Her sworn sister is back to normal, apparently, smiling brightly and joking. Wei Changze has been brought back into their quarters, she says to her. He is going to fully recover if he rests.
“He is going to be on babysitting duty with us!” She beams. “Though, given how much he hates being a deadweight, he will probably be more of a baby than any other!”
Great. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t look forward to that. She still visits the man when the occasion presents itself. He is in his bed, still looking quite weak and sick, in her honest opinion. But he is awake and that’s already great. The Lan healers are already busy, playing songs. Cangse Sanren is with them, while the kids are playing outside – where they can see him from the window. Her sworn sister had explained to her that they hadn’t filled Wei Changze in on the current events and developments yet, so she avoids those points. The discussion between Wei Changze and Yu Ziyuan is still tense; of course, to him nothing had changed over the current week, he was comatose after all. They’re even more out of sync than they were before because Yu Ziyuan feels like she has done enough to be forgiven; Wei Changze saw none of it, and this is not her choice to make ultimately. Still, the man surprises her when she talks about the work she has done in his slumber:
“I’m sorry, madam” And how much she hates hearing him calling her madam , “I should have done it this week, it was my job in the first place.”
She blinks at him, and just in case, she asks; “Are you apologizing because you were busy dying?”
Wei Changze does not answer that.
Cangse Sanren who had been relatively silent until now, simply combing her husband’s hair, while watching over the children playing outside, smirks: “Changze, I’m pretty sure that’s a trick question, don’t answer that.”
It takes an awful lot of time – more than Yu Ziyuan has to spare – to make Wei Changze understand that she does not blame him for the work he missed. How could I? She can't help but think, bitter. Do you have so little faith in me? The Lan healers – especially Lan Juan – assure her that it's normal, but there’s a tensed silence after it.
“I'm glad you made it out alive,” she says still, at the end, because it is apparently very much needed and not evident for the man.
“I’m honoured to know Madam cares about my health.” Wei Changze answers with a tiny bow.
“I will not care next time, so don’t make yourself this sick ever again,” she retorts, and then, realizing her tone is a bit to angry, she adds:
“Please.”
Cangse Sanren whispers, a hand on her heart, moved to fake tears.
“Oh you heard that, you made her say please…Such a miracle…”
Yu Ziyuan considers the possibility to smack her head – how much would that traumatize her husband, she wonders? In the end she doesn’t do it, as Wei Changze answers again, his voice even:
“I will try Madam.”
If Wei Changze is surprised or touched, he doesn’t show it. Yu Ziyuan takes a deep breath in, trying not to be pissed by his indifference.
“We will make sure he will know how to not to,” assures Lan Juan by his side with a smile.
“And I will make sure he does as she says.” Promises Cangse Sanren.
“And I will stand there and do nothing while your children try to climb up the roof,” adds Lan Yuan, pointing at the window.
Yu Ziyuan leaves after that, and returns to the courtyard, where Cangse Sanren is already flying to the kids, making sure they actually do not fall from the rooftop they managed to climb on.
“But look mommy, from here we can jump on the Lotus pond!” She hears Wei Wuxian say.
“And uncle can see us from his window!” Adds Jiang Cheng.
“You said we could play anywhere we want as long as you could see us!” Adds Wei Wuxian, slyly.
The next thing she hears is a big splash, so she supposes Cangse Sanren was convinced to play along. Yu Ziyuan sighs and lets her handle this because Yanli arrived in tears and begged her to help finish the gift she made for Jin Zixuan because she forgot it. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t have the heart to scold her, as she herself had been swept away by the circumstances – she does, however remind her firmly that in the future she can’t allow herself to be overwhelmed by the situation and forget such important matters. Fortunately, with her help they manage to finish it before midday lunch.
Jiang Fengmian left for Yunmeng with the disciples and affiliated minor sects already. Sects will enter through the town, one after another, in a gigantic procession; each trying to impress the other, as well as the common people, through the parade. Fengmian has to be there to welcome them at the end of the procession. She is happy to have an excuse to skip on that, she hates such formalities and courtesy obligations. And she is not sure she would be able to bow to Sect Leader Wen when all she wants to do currently is headshot him, force him to give her back Zhao Zhuliu, and hand over the custody of Dafan Mountain family branch to the Jiang.
Yu Ziyuan, instead, has other duties here; while most of the Sects are at Yunmeng, Sect leaders’ wives and young masters will soon arrive. She is the lady of the house, it is normal that she prepares the place for them. It takes her the whole day to work on that – as they couldn’t afford to do much last week. There are not enough hours in a day, to do all they have to do, lately. There is not enough place inside their heads to hold everything they have to think about either. Cangse Sanren tries to help ( she arrives drenched from head to toe and shivering, the idiot ). Yu Ziyuan shoso her away – she doesn’t need another disaster, thank you very much. Instead, Cangse Sanren resumes taking care of the children with Granny Wen. ( Wen Ning and Wen Qing were allowed to sleep in, as they very much needed it after yesterday events ). Cangse Sanren protests a bit for the sake of it (and especially complains when she spots Meng Yao helping the adults ).
“Nope, not okay, this one is too young to work! I’m taking him with me!” She claims, before kidnapping the boy. “Changze will be so happy to see you! Here we go!”
This time, though, they are not allowed to play outside; as it bothers people working. They are stuck in the Wei’s quarter near the sick husband, and the Lan couple. It doesn’t take long for the place to be filled with laughs, so Yu Ziyuan supposes it is the right decision. ( She will regret that two hours later when she’ll see the state of the main room of the Wei’s quarter )
The first one to arrive are the Lan; punctual as usual, right after lunch hour. Yu Ziyuan is surprised to see Lan Qiren on the boat; as it is okay for women and young lord sto arrive later than the rest, but Sect Leaders are very much needed during their clan procession.
Wei Wuxian does not givet them the time to bow or even say a word, before anyone can catch him he runs to one of the Lan boys and tackles him with a hug.
“Lan Zhan!”
Ah. Wei Wuxian is definitely doing better. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t know if she should be relieved or pissed at the fact right now. So this is the boy Yu Ziyuan heard so much about. She goes to retrieve the little monster, and grabs him by his robe’s collar, apologizing for his behavior ( and shaking him until he apologizes too ) Lan Qiren sighs, says something about rules and promiscuity to his nephew, and says that he expected no less from Cangse Sanren’s boy, to her. The little boy only giggles, naively happy to be compared to his mother. A-Cheng choses this very moment to take on look at Lan Zhan, and complains to Wei Wuxian:
“He is not that beautiful at all!”
“Jiang Cheng, mind your manners!!”
Yu Ziyuan grabs him by his robe’s collar too and takes them away before they can start a Clan war. Wei Wuxian whines all the way making grabby hands movement toward his friend, and she is surprised when the little Lan boy follows her like some puppy, silent. Did he like getting tackled into a hug?
She let Wei Wuxian down, and A-Cheng, near A-Li. They make quite a show, but fortunately end up getting away, as children often do when adults are speaking. Lan Qiren explains grumpily that he has to go fast to partake in the parade ( even if he seems as enthusiastic as she is about it ), but still demands some news about Wei Changze’s states and his Healers after giving the customary “thank you gift” to their host.
“They did a great job, Wei Changze is recovering,” she tells him.
“He is sleeping currently, but he told me to tell you thanks” adds Cangse Sanren. “He can’t stay awake more than a few hours a days so he can’t do it himself.”
Lan Qiren expressions shows nothing. Lan Yuan comes to talk with his sect leader and give the man a more detailed explanation, as well as accept a few orders. Basically; protect the young heirs. Yu Ziyuan is not surprised; no clan in their right mind would allow their heirs to be held by another without protection. She is pretty sure he gives the healer a teleportation talisman ready, prepared to use it to escape with the little boys if they face any kidnapping attempts. Once they’re done, Cangse Sanren and Lan Qiren exchange a few tensed words, before the man has to go. He says goodbye to his nephews, but Lan Huan is the only one who hears him and returns his gesture. The other boy, Lan Zhan, is surrounded by kids. Cangse Sanren smirks at them:
“It seems he is making friends!”
The next ones to arrive is the Nie delegation. Yu Ziyuan always had a thing with the Nie family, they are angry and honest to a fault and it makes things easier to talk about, there are less courtesy platitudes and more practical discussions. Just the way she likes it. The Nie leaves there two sons, half-brothers, and a bunch of servants to help – and probably guards too – the heir.
The Nie Madam is not here, as she should have been. So it’s servants who delives the courtesy gift. When Yu Ziyuan inquires about it, they inform her that the second wife has unfortunately fainted before the trip and hence stayed at home. Yu Ziyuan is not very well acquainted with the Nie Madame, but she knows that the woman has some cultivation foundations, even if she started late. So either her condition is very serious, or she faked it to avoid babysitting duty. Yu Ziyuan is not very well acquainted with her, but she still knows her enough to believe it’s more the second reason than the first... Last time she spent time with the Nie Madame, she was still a concubine rather than the first wife, as the first Madame was still alive. Yet the two women were quite close and even almost friends. Whenever someone pissed the first Nie Lady, the second would fake fainting, or say she had a headache to disengage the dangerous discussion. Yu Ziyuan’s never met someone who did that before, and found it outrageous. Maybe it’s better the woman is not here in the end. She already has to deal with Cangse Sanren and Lan Juan, no need to add one more disaster.
Though, apparently fate hates her guts, because as soon as the baby Nie hears the servant explaining why his mother is not here, he takes his finger from his mouth and states very seriously, looking at Yu Ziyuan:
“Mama doesn’t like you.”
With a tone so confident, like it’s the truest thing ever, one only little children can use. Nie servants of course apologize immediately on his behalf and assure Yu Ziyuan that it is not the truth, that their madam really fainted. But they all know the baby is right. And that she is going to deal with another little rascal that has absolutely no sense of what you can and cannot say yet. Quite childish, Yu Ziyuan takes a deep breath and thinks: well I don’t like her either, so this makes us even. It helps her keep her composure and not snap at a 3 year old baby.
Because the Nie brothers are both the oldest children under her care, and the youngest. Nie Mingjue is almost a teen, being 13 years old, and rightfully annoyed to be counted as a kid, when he is already old enough to have a saber. Yu Ziyuan whispers to her maids to keep an eye on this one, she fears he might just try to flee to Yunmeng where the festivities are held. Of course, Nie Huaisang is immediately adopted by the group of kids ( and especially A-Cheng ) because disasters stick together apparently. Yu Ziyuan is glad that her son is trying to bond with future sect heirs, as it was planned, even if it comes from obvious jealousy ( she will have a talk about jealousy with him one day, when she knows how to tame this beast herself ).
Something comes up with the children while she discusses with the Nie. Yu Ziyuan turns around, and sees that Meng Yao has joined the older boys, Lan Huan and Nie Mingjue, which scares her a bit; but the commotion seems to come from the youngest ones. Cangse Sanren goes to help after a quick bow on her flying sword. She comes back quite fast saying Lan Juan is handling the problem: Nie Huaisang, Lan Zhan and Wen Ning apparently needed a nap.
Yu Ziyuan has barely time to breath in, as the Nie delegation gets installed in their quarters by the servants, before Madam Jin arrives. Yu Ziyuan welcomes her friend with a genuine smile. They exchanged many letters the past few months, but she still missed her greatly.
Jin Zixuan is pouting, standing besides his mother, refusing to look at the crowd of disciples in the courtyard, where his betrothed stands. Yu Ziyuan can’t fault him, she acted like that too, when she met Jiang Fengmian. But she is still pissed at the obvious reluctance she reads on his face: so what, he thinks her A-Li is not good enough?
She immediately calls her daughter over, as her sworn sister pushes her son forward too. The two meet in the middle, their parents circling around them. A-Li is the first to smile and bows.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Jin Zixuan mimics her, but with a smirk.
“Likewise.”
The sarcasm doesn’t escape both mother and Madam Jin pinches her son’s back.
“Try again, but nicer” she orders, she whispers to him: “Say something like: “your smile is beautiful.”
“My smile is beautiful” repeats Jin Zixuan.
Madam Jin facepalms. Yu Ziyuan thinks this whole courtship is going to be very difficult. But A-Li, her sweet summer child, proves them all wrong and smiles brightly:
“I think so too!”
Which makes Jin Zixuan blushes from head to toe ( A-Xian and A-Cheng roar in the background ).Yu Ziyuan promises herself to teach her daughter not to be this shameless ( she blames Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze ) The Jin heir avoids his fiance’s gaze after that, A-Li fortunately doesn’t seem to mind as she kindly states:
“I’ve got a gift for you. I made it myself, I hope it’s alright...”
One of the servants brings a package and gives it to her so she can give it herself to her betrothed.
Jin Zixuan’s mouth opens, agape, and for a long – too long moment – he stays silent. A-Cheng and A-Xian growl in the background, but she makes them shut up with a hand sign. Don’t you dare interrupt A-Li’s moment! Unfortunately it seems that in the absence of their best friends ( napping ) all their attention is on this meeting. She looks at Cangse Sanren who takes both boys in her arms, dragging them away.
“I don’t have anything for you!” The boy finally blurts, the vermillion mark standing out on his white face. He turns to his mother, who delivered the gift for the Jiang Sect already, as if she could get a gift for his fiance out of her sleeve, magically. Of course she doesn’t. At the very least he looks more embarrassed than offended.
Madam Jin sighs, and Yu Ziyuan feels the same; this is going to be...more complicated than they thought it would be.
“Zixuan, thanks her for the gift, before being impolite.” Madam Jin’s tone gets kinder, as she turns to the little girl: “Thank you A-Li, I'm sure it is lovely.”
A-Li blinks, surprised to be called that way by a stranger. of course she doesn’t remember meeting her, as she was just a toddler back then. But she hides her emotion quickly and simply explains, with a smile:
“It is an inner robe for training, I hope it will help the young Jin master focus on his exercises to become an awesome cultivator. I sewed a protective talisman on it myself.”
“Don’t brag, it is un-lady like.” Reminds her Yu Ziyuan.
A-Li stumbles, but nods nonetheless, docile. Yu Ziyuan realizes she might have been a bit too harsh and pats her head. To apologize, and make sure her daughter know just how much Yu Ziyuan is proud of her abilities, she turns to her sworn sister and states;
“I personally looked over her needlework and her enchantment.” It is not a lie technically, she did do that, and sewed quite a big chunk of it too. “We use this during training ourselves, I can assure you that the young master Jin will feel the difference.”
“I have no doubt in A-Li’s talent.” Smiles Madam Jin.
Jin Zixuan looks a little bit more skeptical, but he doesn’t dare say it in front of his mother. He thanks A-Li, and finally, asks if he can go to his room to change before dinner. Yu Ziyuan is astonished by his reaction; she might be biased, because she is currently raising a bunch of rascals that would rather roll in the mudd that take a bath, but usually kids his age should only want one thing: to find other playmates rather than change, right? Madam Jin shares her concerns, Yu Ziyuan can see it displayed on her face. She remembers the few letters they exchanged about the subject; how years ago Zixuan went on a trip with his father for a week and came back hating being dirty and refusing to eat any meal he wasn’t familiar with. He even made himself sick when his mother tried to force him to eat something he didn’t want to or to stay in dirty clothes. Jin Guangshan had been vehement that nothing happened that could explain such a strong reaction, but Madam Jin didn’t believe him, she never let her husband look after her son alone, after that. Yu Ziyuan had hoped that the matter had been resolved, that it was nothing but a child’s whim, but apparently not.
Madam Jin sighs, apparently resigned to the fact and says:
“You’re right, you’re dirty from travelling. Go change. But wear the inner robe A-Li gave you when you come back,”
“But she said it’s for training, mother, not eating dinner! ” He complains. And he adds with pleading eyes: “Do I have to eat dinner here ?”
Madam Jin ends this dispute with one look, and her boy rushes to the first guest room Jiang servants shows him. A-Li is a little bit disappointed, and it shows.
“I’m sorry A-Li,” Says Madam Jin. “It is not against Lotus Pier or you, A-Xuan has just... problems with dirtyness. And things that are touched by other people. And food he doesn’t know.”
That’s quite a lot of problems , thinks Yu Ziyuan.
“It’s okay, I understand.” A-li says, with a tiny smile, but she still looks dejected and sad. “Is there a meal young master Jin would like to eat then? There’s still time to make it.”
“That is adorable of you A-Li,” Says Madam Jin. “But he has to try or he will never get over this.”
“Okay. I understand.” Answers A-Li with a tiny voice that says she doesn’t.
Then she proceeds to still head to the kitchen, looking quite dejected and sad, yet determined.
Yu Ziyuan can’t fault her, but he is a young boy. They rarely give girls any attention at this age, when girls have to think about it already, to secure their future, this is the harsh truth of the world. He will come around during his teenage years, hopefully. She will talk to her about it, to allow her to have hope. Even if they don’t love one another in the end, Jiang Yanli will find a reliable ally in Madam Jin, not a lot of girls can say they are loved by their mother-in-law. Neither can they be sure of their status and their future. She will talk to her. For now, she has more pressing matters to take care of.
As the whole courtyard comes to life, Madam Jin nods in approval, happy with how her sworn sister manages her people. It seems that whatever is happening with her marriage, she hasn't lost her power still. Then she turns to Yu Ziyuan, her voice full of venom:
“Now, would you show me your new sworn sister I heard so much about?”
You already saw her , Yu Ziyuan thinks. And the world hadn’t exploded yet. It is, hopefully, a good sign for their official meeting.
“You’ll see her during dinner,” she tells her friend with a tense smile.
Notes:
No weird dream this week xD
But as promised here is the idea i had when i read a fic last week...I imagined a scenario where Nie Huaisang saved Wen Qing and made her his "wife" (the wife the MTX teased about and had to cut out of the story). She altered her appearance (or wore a veil) and Nie Mingjue actually quite liked her as his brother's wife. She managed to save him from Qi deviation thanks to her skills as doctor, and somehow it ended up in my mind with Qn Su/Nie Mingjue once Jin Guangyao's crime were revealed (but Xichen pulled his father's move on him and saved him anyways). The reason i quite not like it completely is that i had to find a way for Wei Wuxian to be brought back to life since without Jin Guangyao and Nie Huaisang's revenge, Mo Xanyu didn't sacrifice himself. And also find a way to end up either as Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing or a Nie Huaisang/Wen Qing/Jiang Cheng polyamory relationship (because if i do not have 3zun i will have polyamory elsewhere!!)
It's not much but i liked it xD
Anyways i had a rather interesting conversation in the comment last chapter : MaddKingsQueen pointed out that the Nie and Jin kids didn't have children's name but only courtesy ones. The reason behind it is first : because we don't have their official ones + i didn't want readers to be like "who are those kids??" and understand immediately who they were (because Lan Zhan was already not caring very much about them xD)...
But i also had an idea for that piece of lore to make it okay ; but i was not sure if it would be okay with chinese culture. So i'm asking your opinion again dear readers uu !!First the idea :
Jin and Nie has special custom regarding courtesy names. Both of their heir gets their courtesy name earlier than most. Jin needs it right before they are born (hence why Yanli asked when she was pregnant in canon) and Nie during the one month celebration. Only thevery close family can know of their child names and they are called by their courtesy name everytime the conversation has one not-family-member as witness. Both for different reasons. The Jin is for protecting their children and heir from curses and stuff like that. The Nie to make sure their members knows the importance of family.
Would you be okay with it? I know it touches a bit of chinese culture so i'm not quite sure. But i thought since Lan clan has special customs, why not the others? If you agree with this idea, you'll learn about their real name during their pov ^^ If not i will just act as if child name are just not relevant and ignore this completely. Like an ostrich hiding her head in the sand.
Also there will be a missing scene about Jin Zixuan's trip with his father, that lead to him be phobic. It is a very stupid reason and not relevant to the story / fitting the narrative so when i talked about it to my dear beta reader Fraudulent_Moose he suggested this. And i found the idea very smart.
Anyways thank you all as always, see you on friday for a new chapter =D That will be with Meng Yao's pov!
Stay safe ^^
Chapter 53: Madam Jin, Madam Yu and Cangse Sanren
Notes:
Annnnd i changed the order of the chapter because it made more sense to have it now than after. Chornology of the events are a bit wonky during the conference, i keep going back to the beginning with one characters up to a further point by the end of it. it's weird. but meh, it's life!
Anyways thank you all so much for your comments each time, it makes me super happy <3 I like talking with you in the comment (and now we're definitely have more comments that kudo and i find it so FUN xD)Previous chapter summary -> The conference officially started and Yu Ziyuan had been put in charge of Lotus Pier to welcome the sect heirs, while her husband went to Yunmeng to deal with other Sect Leaders. Taking care of a dozen of children was hard, but she was the violet spider, she certainly could handle it! When her best friend and first sworn sister arrived, Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan could officially meet for the first time, too. It didn't go as well as it could have been, unfortunately, the Jin boy is suffering from a strange mix of phobia that makes him dreading for the future banquet, and very closed to Jiang Yanli's efforts to woo him. Even though the little girl definitely listened to her shameless aunt's advices. After this disastrous first meeting, children went on with their own business, Madam Jin asked Yu Ziyuan to meet the so famous Cangse Sanren.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Madam Jin does not expect to see Cangse Sanren only at dinner. Since all kids seem unusually well behaved, and every servant and disciple have their own instruction, Yu Ziyuan thinks there is no harm to do it now. So Yu Ziyuan doesn’t bring madam Jin to her own quarters, but to the Wei Couple’s. She asks Yinzhu to bring Cangse Sanren here; then to keep an eye on the kid in her stead, Jinzhu being busy supervising Nie Mingjue. She hopes it won’t take long.
The mess inside the Wei Quarter’s main room is terrible: there’s still flour everywhere, everything is watery and honestly, it stinks. It is the result of Cangse Sanren’s great babysitting skills this morning. (Honestly those four days of conference are going to be hard if she has to work with this).
Yu Ziyuan wants to strangle her sworn sister right now; she told her to ask servants to clean this. But no, of course, the woman forgot her instructions! (Wei Changze would have not forgotten and done it immediately, but she is afraid the man will not be able to get back to his level of efficiency so soon). Madam Jin frowns and pinches her nose as she enters the place. She sees her sworn sister scowl at the obvious mess and decoration, but she does not say anything yet. She takes a few steps in, avoiding the obvious stains on the ground and touching anything, in the end she settles near the strange structure in the back, near two lateral rods. She sits on what seems to be a swing made of a ribbon awfully similar to Cangse Sanren’s spiritual weapon (she wouldn’t dare use her weapon so carelessly, right?) the only place that is decently clean.
“What’s that?” She asks, pointing at the structure.
“It’s for her rehabilitation. She still can’t walk properly.”
It is supposed to help Cangse Sanren; so she can train in order to walk again, but Yu Ziyuan never sees her use it. Lan Yuan had pointed to it when he first entered too, and asked “does she truly use that, or did she put it in just for show before we arrived?”
“Her injury is still not healed?” Repeats Madam Jin, skeptikal. Her tone shows her thoughts: how could she still be disabled, when Cangse Sanren is famous for her high cultivation skills? Surely she should be okay now.
“Her injury touched both her spine and womb, it’s not sure if she will ever recover fully.” Yu Ziyuan says.
Each step Cangse Sanren manages to make is a victory; Yu Ziyuan saw her try, everyday for eight months now, she sees how standing up makes her sworn sister’s face go red and twist her expression, taints it with pain. Part of her wants Cangse Sanren to recover one day and be able to stand proud because so much effort, so much suffering should be rewarded. But another part...
“I assure you it’s better this way, at the very least she cannot run away after each problem she makes.” She says to Madam Jin, truthfully, and the woman scoffs, amused.
Yu Ziyuan prepares her friend some tea. Madam Jin scowl grows deeper as she remarks that Yu Ziyuan knows exactly where every furniture is, here, even the cups. She stays silent as she takes a first sip of the beverage, waiting for Cangse Sanren to arrive. But it takes longer than planned, and her sworn sister is very much like Yu Ziyuan; she does not have a lot of patience. She puts down her cup and asks:
“Are the rumors true?” Madam Jin growls. “That you four are currently living together in some kind of...arrangement?”
Yu Ziyuan knows her friend well, they grew up together, night-hunted side by side. Saving one another and protecting their back grants you some experience at reading the other’s corporal movements. They stood against the cultivation world to prove that yes, women could be fearsome and as good as men when it came to cultivation. A task that is not easy still, even if it is not as hard as before. She notices her worry but also her resentment. She takes care of that immediately:
“We are not. Jiang Fengmian is mine only. But we do live together. Wei Changze is Jiang Fengmian’s right-hand man and sworn brother now. And he is currently unwell. Which means that Cangse Sanren needs support from her friends. ”
She insists through the word. Yet her sworn sister pouts, obviously not satisfied with her answer, but she still says:
“Good. Don’t give strange ideas to the cultivation world. My husband likes these rumors about you four way too much.”
“Does he think you will allow him to bring his mistresses and bastards under your roof?” Smirks Yu Ziyuan.
If so, he is more stupid than he lets on. Or maybe he is not stupid, but listens more to his dick than his brain. This is a very likely possibility based on what she gathered from her sworn sister’s letters. He never was worth her best friend, in Yu Ziyuan’s mind.
“Well he never quite managed to get you, and we might be similar, but still we’re very much our own personw, and he thinks you allowed that. You made my married life very complicated the last few months, Ziyuan.”
“Your husband makes your married life complicated, it’s because he is stupid enough to hear such baseless rumors. Not me.”
“Are they really baseless, though?”
Yu Ziyuan bites her lips, and puts down her tea with a sound maybe a tad too loud. She stands up and orders her sworn sister to follow him.
“As I told you, Wei Changze is unwell.”
If her sworn sister does not believe it, she can show him the extent of it, how much of a heartbreak this hellish week was for them all. Maybe she shouldn’t, but maybe she just wants someone else to know and support her. And Madam Jin had always been the one to do just that, before her marriage and family situation got better. She hopes she can still be; her best friend, her confidante. She hopes she can understand.
Yu Ziyuan opens the door just enough for her sworn sister to get a glimpse at it. The silence charms on the door dispel as it opens. Immediately they hear the relaxing sound of the zither, soothing, imbued with spiritual energy. Cangse Sanren is there; and Yu Ziyuan understands why her maid failed to bring her here. She is sitting on the open window frame, sharing her time between children and her husband.
Lan Juan is playing, not in the room but on the terrace outside, hence why the window is open. She has her eyes on the children napping. Lan Yuan is inside the room writing something, managing a bunch of herbs. Wei Changze isn’t moving at all, and looking as bad as earlier, his face white and his eyes sinking into their sockets, like some corpse. Cangse Sanren is by his side, caressing his hair, combing it with her fingers, humming along with the song.
“I like when you sing,” protests Wei Changze, his voice slow and weak, he is probably half asleep already.
Lan Yuan nods and turns to his wife:
“Should I add deafness to the list of symptoms?”
“I think that’s a symptom of Love, not Qi Deviation,” his wife chuckles, yet she adds, more seriously: “I would rather have you stop, Cansge Sanren, he needs to focus on the song I'm playing. Try to keep him awake instead.”
Cangse Sanren nods, stops and takes up a wet cloth, to wipe up her husband’s body. Wei Changze opens his eyes again, shivering and gulping down when the damp cloth touches his skin. He protests:
“I can clean myself alone…”
“I know you can but you won’t. Let us take care of you for once.”Answers Cangse Sanren firmly.
She notices Yu Ziyuan at the entrance, and her lips thins, yet she still smiles.
“We’ve got visitors Changze!”
Wei Changze tries to pull himself up, using his elbow, and somewhat manages it using his wife to support his back. She heard he managed to take a few steps this morning; but apparently he cannot do that again today. When he sees that it is his Madam, his eyes get a little bit clearer, more serious.
“Madams,”Lan Yuan bows. Lan Juan stops playing to do the same, from the other side of the window, only taking her eyes off the kids very briefly.“This patient is good enough to have visitors, but he exhausted himself earlier.”
His tone makes Cangse Sanren look away, guilty. Yu Ziyuan first thinks she does not want to know; sure it is shameless, then remember the flour battle that rendered her room unlivable. It must be what he refers to. She smiles.
“I thought I told you to clean the mess you made!” She says to Cangse Sanren.
Cangse Sanren winces.
“I forgot! I’m sorry! I came back for that, but then Wei Changze was awake so I took the opportunity to spend time with him.”
“I’m sorry Madam, I will clean up the me-” Starts Wei Changze.
“Hush you, don’t spout nonsense, you’re supposed to rest.” She turns to Cangse Sanren. “And You, you’re supposed to help me babysit.”
“I’m babysitting!” Defends Cangse Sanren. “I can see all of them right now!” She counts the babies around in her vision field and frowns. “Wait where are A-Cheng...and A-Li?”
“A-Li is in the kitchen.” Yu Ziyuan tells her.
She is pretty sure she saw A-Cheng and A-Xian fight, so she assumes A-Cheng went to pout with his dogs, like he usually does when they do. Cangse Sanren takes a talisman out of her robe anc checks it after a fast hand seal.
“Oh. He is with the Nie.” She says.
Yu Ziyuan’s eyebrow raises, and she promises herself to ask what the fuck is that, to her second sworn sister.
Lan Yuan states, politely but firmly:
“If you’re here to bicker, I will ask you to do it elsewhere. If you insist on staying here, I will ask you to keep your voice low and avoid stressful topics for the patient’s sake. He is very fragile.”
Wei Changze grunts at the word, not pleased, but he lost the right to be displeased the moment he qi deviated on them, decides Yu Ziyuan. She does not take the healer’s comment badly, and that alone seems to surprise her best friend. Madam Jin nods in agreement, though, as she is a reasonable woman. Her gaze focuses on Cangse Sanren. She herself gives a soft nods in her direction:
“Nice to meet you! Our Madam talks so much about you, I'm happy I finally got to meet you! Sorry I can't stand up for this occasion...!” She smiles at her own joke and Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes. Madam Jin on the other hand, looks at all her surroundings, judging and evaluating everything.
“Like what you see?” Inquires Cangse Sanren.
Despite the money difficulty they face, Yu Ziyuan is grateful that the couple didn’t have the ability to decorate their quarter these past few months. It probably helps convince Madam Jin that Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze are not her husband’s favored mistresses. Even though her friend shouldn’t need anything but her words.
“This place should be cleaned too, it’s dusty.” Madam Jin finally says, she stares at Wei
Changze for a moment. “You can’t get better in this kind of environment.”
“Ah, I’m the one in charge of cleaning.” Wei Changze apologies. “I...I didn’t have the opportunity to do it last week...apparently.”
“A man, in charge of cleaning?”
“Well, I’m a disaster at it,” confesses Cangse Sanren.
“She is a disaster, period.” Cuts Yu Ziyuan.
“And we can’t borrow the Sect’s servants! They’re busy!” Ignores her Cangse Sanren.
“They’re busy babysitting when you should do it.”
“I’m babysitting! Look at the big baby I’m currently taking care of!” She points out Wei Changze.
Wei Changze rolls his eyes, but states very seriously, shameless:
“I’m the new baby of the Wei Family.”
Madam Jin is completely lost, and she turns to Yu Ziyuan, pointing at them as if they’re crazy. Yu Ziyuan shrugs, amused. Welcome to my world... She wants to say, but she already complained about it in many, many letters. So she goes with:
“I told you she was raised under a rock.”
“On the top of it! A big mountain!” Corrects Cangse Sanren. “The air is very different up there, it does things to the mind!”
“Lies. And what, so are every Lan, and that’s no excuse,” points out Lan Yuan, while his wife snorts.
“Lan are crazy.”Cangse Sanren nods.
“I will use this excuse next time Elders are mad at me: “it’s not me, it’s the air!” Lan Juan promises. Her husband snorts in the background.
“I will lend you some servants so you can have your quarters cleaned before dinner.” States Yu Ziyuan ignoring their bullshi,t because if she gives them any attention it could continue for hours.
“Wow! So generous!” Smiles Cangse Sanren.
“I want to see the quarters we lend you still standing, and for that, you need to not be put in charge of the cleaning.”
“Wow! So mean!” Winces Cangse Sanren, then she adds, pointing out: “I need to organize it differently too, so the Wen kids can sleep under my supervision too.”
“Good try, but you can do that on your own.”
“Well, I tried!”
Wei Changze frowns, maybe he’s just trying to focus again, it’s difficult to say in his state. He tries to takes back control over the whole discussion at the very least and mumbles:
“I didn’t...say that to make you feel sorry so you could lend us servants, we can take-”
“This wasn’t a suggestion, Changze. It was an order. You will have servants come and clean your quarters until you are cured.”
The man takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes.
“Thank you Madam.”
Madam Jin’s eyes stay on the Wei couple, for a long, tensed moment, obviously not knowing what to think of the situation nore this exchange. Then she shifts position: straightening her back and raising her chin up, to appear taller than she is.
“Are you in love with Jiang Fengmian?”
Cangse Sanren blinks, and then bursts out of laughing. Now that she knows her, Yu Ziyuan almost wants to do the same, the situation that once seemed so plausible now sounds so utterly ridiculous. She is even pretty sure that if Jiang Fengmian ever heard this question he would smile, amused too. Their affection for one another had been resolved for so long now, it is nothing but the memory of an embarrassing teenage crush. It takes a moment for Cangse Sanren to stop, but way less for Madam Jin to guess what it means. So she looks to Wei Changze next and asks again:
“And you? Are you bedding Jiang Fengmian?”
Cangse Sanren falls out of the window, out of breath, while her husband grunts. Lan Yuan is frowning, grumbling about “stressing topics that should be avoided” and how “no one ever listen to me.” His wife however looks at the whole scene with stars of her eyes, as if she is witnessing the best of plays. The fact that Wei Changze does not laugh it off, however, shows how serious he takes the subject.
“I do not.”
“Will you ever?” Insists Madam Jin. “Can you swear that you will, never, ever , arbor such despicable feelings toward my friend’s husband?”
Yu Ziyuan is almost moved by her friend’s concern and protectiveness. Almost. She is still mostly angry that she thinks she needs to meddle in her affairs. She brushes it off before the Wei couple can answer:
“If they ever do, I will personally strangle the both of them.”
“And I assure you, Madam Jin,” adds Cangse Sanren. “That it is not a kink we share!”
Yu Ziyuan throws a cushion to her face, making her fall out of the window a second time. Madam Jin ignores them both:
“Will you forever be loyal and true to your Sect and never bring shame to your Madam?”
Wei Changze is the first to bow his head.
“I will.”
Yu Ziyuan stops; her heart squeezing uncomfortably in her chest. It is what she expected Wei Changze to give her, when he joined the sect back, months ago. It should be enough for her; a clear hierarchy between them, it’s all she ever wanted. It’s good to know that she will have this, no matter what, even though he is angry at her. But, Yu Ziyuan changed and now she wants more, she wants his friendship and she doesn’t know how to deal with that. After making such a scene about their class order, it seems childish and whimsical to state she changed her mind. Even tyrannical. Which she can be – there’s no denying. But that doesn’t mean she likes that side about her.
Cangse Sanren stops laughing, and imitates her husband for one serious second.
“I might not be part of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. But I will be forever loyal and true to my friends. And I consider Yu Ziyuan as such. I hope she does the same with me.”
Yu Ziyuan is moved, this time. Especially since she can see how Wei Changze does not say anything. His expression is unreadable, but his silence, she thinks, confirms that he doesn’t feel the same as his wife. She smiles back at Cangse Sanren, promising herself that if it’s all she will have, it’s still good, and says:
“Unfortunately, I do. You’re my most insufferable friend.”
“Everyone has to be the most of something.”
Cangse Sanren sends her a blinding smile back and she teases Madam Jin, deciding to live up to her new title and ruin this moment:
“But you are so concerned for our Madam’s virtue, I'm beginning to think you’re the one threatening it!”
Wei Changze closes his eyes and inhales deeply; and Yu Ziyuan feels so much kinship with him right now, thinking way too loud, can you not for one fucking second. But then she sees how his lips are slightly curved upward and takes that back. It seems she’s the only one sensible among the three of them and those thoughts are her only. Yet to her surprise, it’s the one comment that breaks all the tension in the room and gets a laugh out of her sworn sister.
“You didn’t lie to me, this one is awfully cheeky.” She scoffs. “At the very least, the place will be lively with her here.” She adds with a sad smile.
Yu Ziyuan is awfully aware of how lonely her sworn sister feels inside Carp Tower, and she takes her hand to squeeze it. Madam Jin sends her a surprised look; and Yu Ziyuan realizes a tad too late that it is not...How she used to handle comfort before. They’ve changed me. She guesses, staring at the Wei couple. And while before it scared her, now she can’t help but feel proud of such a fact. She is happier this way. Happier than she ever was, even though she just got out of one of the most hellish weeks, after the most stressful months of her whole existence. She is proud of how much she improved, of her accomplishments. It is not a deed she gained on the battlefield, but it is just as great, in her opinion. It was certainly a hard battle to fight. It probably still is; Wei Changze is angry at her after all, she has not won back his trust yet.
Wei Changze, who is apparently, falling back asleep. He barely stayed awake for half an incense stick. Cangse Sanren sighs, and states she will get back to babysitting after tucking him in. Madam Jin looks forward talking her during dinner;
“I will keep a place available at my left.” She states.
Cangse Sanren beams at the mention, and Yu Ziyuan can’t help it, she warns her sworn sister:
“Be prepared, this one eats like a pig.”
“I do not!”
“You play with your food.”
“It helps A-Ying eat all of his plate. It’s not playing, it is education. Parenting !”
“Then, I will gladly invite one of the Lan at my left instead,” says Madam Jin with a smile.
Cangse Sanren’s mouth opens, agape as she laughs loudly at the joke. The Lan however, shakes their head.
“One of us has to stay with the patient and the other near our young masters, sorry Madam Jin. See no disrespect in our behaviour, please, we are honoured by your invitation but our duty prevails.” Lan Yuan explains.
Madam Jin acts as if it doesn’t matter and shrugs.
“If you must. Then what about eating facing me Cangse Sanren?”
The discussion ends on that promise. Cangse Sanren returns with them to the main room, and as servants come to help her clean the mess, she starts organizing the furniture differently. Yu Ziyuan and Madam Jin leave them to work, as there should always be someone watching the kids. They stay out of range; they are all rather calm and well behaved, if scattered, and discuss around another cup of tea.
“I don’t know what to think of them, or this whole situation,” Madam Jin admits. “But...it seems to do you good.”
“It does. I feel happy. My marriage...I told you about how my relationship with Fengmian improved, in my last letters...But not only that. It...I like it here. I’ve always been proud of Lotus Pier and the sect I married into, but now it’s different. I like it too. And I finally felt like the place accepted me. I…”
She stops. She thinks of the disciples who look at her during training, afraid, yet applaud when she drags one of them – or Wei Changze – before throwing them into the river. She hears the echoes of her children laugh in the courtyard. Lan Huan and Wen Qing are discussing over their sleeping brothers, Wei Wuxian is chasing after Jiang Cheng… She feels the servants’ ease as they do their chores, not avoiding her shadow, even sometimes, being over zealous in their works just because they can. She wants to smile at each new stupid invention Cangse Sanren comes up with to help the sect. She remembers her husband’s efforts, everyday, his hard work but most of all his acceptance of her work. Their discussion, honest and raw, last night. His willingness to believe that whatever Yu Ziyuan is doing, it is for them, for the sect, for him, out of love.
It is a pleasant feeling to not be feared but trusted.
The world is still a shitty place and their problems are still very much here, but at the very least her home is a safe haven. The only problem she has here still is Wei Changze not seeing her as a friend, and she has hope that it is something that can be changed one day. The effort it requires does not scare her anymore as she already did it in the past, without losing herself.
Madam Jin is her sworn sister, she grew up with Yu Ziyuan and they saved each other countless times before they married away. She can fill the blanks in Yu Ziyuan’s conversation, she can read on her features what she doesn’t say. And she approves it.
“Good. But if you ever feel like before again, never forget that my home is also your home.”
Once upon a time, before each of them got betrothed to strangers, they swore to be there for eachother, and always open their door and home if the other ever needed it. That they would be there for the other’s children if tragedy ever befall them. Madam Jin is glad that this promise is becoming unneeded. Maybe a little bit jealous too. Yet as soon as she thinks that, Yu Ziyuan’s takes her sworn sister’s hands in her, and repeats their vows:
“And so is mine.”
Madam Jin smiles back, a little bit sadder. She has resigned herself long ago, her husband can’t be changed, unfortunately. Yet she appreciates the thought, the possibility to have a place here she can be happy, with her son. To know that if her life ends abruptly, at the very least, someone she trusts will take care of her baby and make sure his father has no say over his education. She might feel like it’s a bit unfair; for her to still be sad when her friend is finally happy, but that’s something she will have to work on in her own time. The same way she will have to work on the bitter feeling of not being the one that brought a smile on her dear friend. She will forgive Cangse Sanren for taking the same vow of sisterhood they had, because she accomplished this little miracle that Madam Jin could not – she made her happy.
Notes:
So now next chapter is going to be Meng Yao's pov again. You'll see what happened to the Wei Quarter's main room a little bit earlier in the day. I hope you'll like it =D
No weird dream lately...So i don't have anything to share with you, nore weird idea, or lores questions or even permission. =o I'm sure the moment i will post this chapter i will facepalm myself and say 'I FORGOT TO ASK THAT" but meh that's life! I hope you're all well and safe.
As for me i'm still working at home (but on my vacation spot) buti finished all my work i'm supposed to ddo next week...So maybe...i will be able to enjoy my holidays one week sooner. mwahahaha. (i worked way too much this week for that though, so i think i'm gonna nap for three days straight first)
Chapter 54: Pee-friends
Notes:
My boss : since you finished your work so fast last week, here is more =D
Me : NOOOOOO I MISCALCULATED. I made the same mistake as Meng Yao!! Nie huaisang you were right all along you're the smattest of all, appearing uncompetent is the only way to have PEACE.
My best friend in the background : It's CAPITALIIIIIISM!
Brain : ...it's the way, you get your works done, of course there's more work for you the next week, otherwise you'd be jobless.
me : i want to be on holidays already...Anyways i managed to write two chapters this week end not as many as i wanted but it will do xD I hope you're all okay and doing great =D Thank you once again for all your nice comments <3 Here is the new chapter, once again beta-read by the amazing Fraudulent_Moose ! Hope you"ll like it !
Previous chapter summary --> Madam Jin finally met the famous Cangse Sanren, the woman who made an oath with her best friend and sworn sister Madam Yu. She was not the kind of woman she expected her to be, far from it! And neither was her husband. After a short discussion with the boss of them she was assured that Jing Fengmian remained loyal to his wife and that the couple would not dare cross this boundary. It was, once again, her husband's fantasy that was to blame. There was no harem at Lotus Pier. In addition, the Wei couple presence seemed to manage what she enver quite did : make her best friend happier. If she was a bit jealous about it, she was mostly relieved to see that at least, one of them would be. Now let's go back a few hours back and see what Meng Yao's day looked like...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The day of the conference Meng Yao wakes up before dawn, as he did every day since he got admitted at Yunmeng Jiang Sect. There’s not much choice if he wants to live with his mother and still be at Lotus Pier on time. Today, however, waking up has been very hard. Mostly because he knows that if he is at Lotus Pier, then he is not at Yunmeng. He will not get to see his father entering the town with the Jin delegation. Last time it happened, Meng yao had been too young – only a baby – to remember despite his good memory skills, so of course he looked especially forward to the event this time. He spent so much time trying to find the perfect spot for his mother and him, so he might be able to see the man.
Meng Yao’s brain knows he has more chances to meet his father if he goes with the Jiang Sect today. He might not be one of the disciples participating in the conference, but there’s more occasions for the Jin leader to get near the sect, even maybe talk near Meng Yao. Common people only get to see a glimpse of him during the parade. He knows. But his heart doesn’t want to listen, and grieves over the missed opportunity still. He tries to put it at ease, by leaving a note to his mother, so that she knows where to stand so that she can see father, all his hard work not going to waste, but that’s not very helpful to his mood.
Mother notices him as he opens the closet he sleeps in, sign that he is really late on his usual schedule. She is always asleep when he goes.
“A-Yao, come here!” She whispers, and since Meng Yao is already late and feels a little bit sad still, he can indulge a short moment with her. He misses her; of course he still sees her, and sometimes when he comes back not too late, he can spend time telling her how his days are at the Sect, but it’s not quite the same as before.
Meng Shi combs his hair with her fingers, as she gives him a little bit of food for breakfast. It’s during tiny moments like these that Meng Yao’s heart bleeds the most. Hearing people say his mother is a prostitute in broad daylight hurts, but he can hide it with a smile, he can swallow the insults because it’s true; she is. But when he is sitting on her lap and she hums and gives him her share of food he thinks back at how unfair and cruel those words truly are. His mother is tender and kind, she is everything to him and those people reduce her to less than she deserves. For Meng Yao, she is his whole world, if he is honest with himself; there’ his father’s shadow looming in the horizon too, but he knows of its radiance only through Meng Shi’s stories, so it doesn’t count. He is their hope to get away from their conditions, to make their little world grow bigger, but he is not there yet. There’s only Meng Shi, and people dare say it’s not worth anything.
“How is it going with the sect, is your teacher finally awake?” Asks Meng Shi, avoiding the topic that hurt: his absence for the conference today.
Meng Yao shakes his head, Wei Changze woke up yesterday, right before he went back home. He hadn’t had the occasion to tell her, because, well, she had started working. Mother smiles and kisses his forehead, where the Jin wear the vermillion mark.
“That’s such good news! Tell him I'm happy he is better. See, I told you he would make it, cultivators are made of greatness, just like you, they don’t die easily.”
Meng Yao nods, more by reflex than because he believes so. He feels relieved though. Really, really relieved. His benefactor isn’t going to die, after all.
Still, he can’t forget the implicit rule at the brothel: cherish those who are good to you, but do not rely on them, as love can be a fickle thing. One’s favors could disappear the very next day. One friend could become your rival as you fought for freedom. The only way to live is to enjoy it while it lasts, and try your best not to lose it, but not love back, in order to not be hurt once it inevitably ends.
Sometimes when it’s too hard still, when he is still sad because one of the few they like, be it a client, a child, or another prostitute, leaves their lives (death, most of the time) mother brushes Meng Yao’s hair and whispers; “Listen up, A-Yao, I know you’re sad and you want to cry, but, think about it. What does it change in your life? Does it alter your routine? Does it make it more difficult? I want you to think hard about it, before you shed any more tears.”
Only when it does, can he continue to cry. It doesn’t happen often. In all his memory, it might have happened...once. When the nice client who brought him toys stopped coming. It helps to compartmentalize like this.
Before Meng Yao could count the people who were nice to him on one hand: his mother, Sissi – another prostitute – and the bookseller from the corner of the street. Now he could add every member of the Jiang family, and the Wei family (even though he didn’t get to see much of Wei Changze’s wife). He is almost running out of fingers. All week he worried about this kindness, wondering if it would survive should Wei Changze were to die. And he came to the conclusion that it would probably not. So he prayed for Wei Changze to get better with all his might, even though he didn’t really believe gods ever grant wishes. They certainly never granted his mother’s wishes. So he trained and trained even more because if Wei Changze died, and he had only one week of education with a big Sect, and he wasn’t going to waste any of it. He worked more than anyone else. He memorized everything he saw, repeated everything he learned while meditating before sleeping each night. But now, Wei Changze woke up, and he is alive and well...And he is expected at the sect today again. Meng Yao is very confused now, he is not used to things going the way he wishes.
“...Mother,” he whispers, unsure. “Are all the cultivators nice?”
Meng Shi seems a bit surprised, but her features softens and she nods:
“Of course they are, aren’t they protecting people from monsters?”
And she kisses his forehead. Yet Meng Yao’s feelings about Wei Changze, about the sect in general, are complicated. To say the least. The fear is still there.
Meng Yao doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know how to feel; trapped into the certitude that it can’t stay like this forever, he can’t be this lucky, and the hope it will. He feels giddy and anxious, happy and at peace. It is really weird. He can’t quite believe it, yet he is so welcomed and well treated there. He can’t help but fear that it will end without warning; that all his blessings are going to be taken away. The whole Jiang Family protects him from being slandered by other disciples. The punishment board makes sure no one waits for him in the corner, ready to beat him until he gives up and runs away. Heck, even the Wei family is kind of nice despite…
Teacher QI deviated because of him, some disciples started to whisper. Especially when Madam Yu and the young masters weren’t there so early in the morning, during the Jiang family’s breakfast, lunch meal, or in the evening, right before going away. Because he is the son of a whore and filthy , is left unsaid, but it is evident.
And the worst of it? Meng Yao doesn’t know if they are right or wrong. He knows nothing about Qi deviation, his books are no help. Maybe the disciples are right. After all, they are future cultivators, they were raised in this culture, maybe they know something Meng Yao doesn’t and maybe he really did cause Wei Changze, his benefactor, to Qi deviate. He might be better now, but what if Meng Yao causes him to fall sick again?
That’s why he tried very much to stay away from him; and the few times he had been allowed to visit to absolutely not touch the man. Just in case.
He tries to reason himself that, if the Jiang Sect held him responsible, they would have kicked him out already – let alone visit him on his sick bed – but he can’t be sure; the Jiang are weird. Weird and...Awfully kind. He can’t read them at all. Their motto is to attempt the impossible, and that makes them unpredictable somehow, at least to Meng Yao’s eyes. He is not used to this, he learned to read people, to know when to back off and avoid being hurt in the process. Without being able to, he feels exposed and in danger. Yet…
Yet...it also feels so refreshing to be around them and protected for once. He wants to believe that the rules in the brothel do not apply to the world of cultivators. He wants to be able to...just drop his guard and truly believes in his benefactors’ kindness.
Meng Shi seems to mistake his silence for something else and she hugs him tight, whispering to his ears:
“And your father is the nicest of all. He will adore you just as I adore you.”
Meng Yao’s eyes prickle at the mention of his father. He wants to meet him so badly, he wants his mother to be right. He hopes that, if his father ever takes him into his sect and recognizes him, the fear of rejection he experiences right now will disappear. Surely, blood ties are one thing you can count on, no matter what. He knows his mother would give up everything for him (and sometimes he wishes she would not). Surely, his father must be the same. He knows she is a prostitute, and so love between them is...Debatable. But sometimes in the dark of the night Meng Yao can’t help but think that there must have been something that drew them together and bonded over. He left her a token after all.
Yet...is it filial betrayal for him to want to stay with the Jiang Sect too? Probably. Surely.
Mother says he would be prouder if Meng Yao becomes a cultivator before he meets him, but what if he is angry at Meng Yao for studying under another sect leader’s tutelage?
When he thinks about this scenario, is he more afraid of being denied his education with the Jiang than his father’s potential anger?
He doesn’t understand his feelings at all. His thoughts are all over the place. His feelings too. He has to go anyway; if he stays too long he will miss the boat and be late. He can’t afford any mistakes. He can’t ask for a day off to see his father and see for himself if his mother’s stories are true. He is still being tested, his position is not secured for as long as he doesn’t develop a proper golden core.
Maybe not even then.
So he hugs his mother once again, warns her he will be back very late tonight, and goes. Meng Shi promises that if she has the opportunity to see his father she will try to talk to him. They both know it’s unlikely, especially on the first day of the conference, as the man will be busy, but they cling to the hope it might still happen. And who knows, maybe the man will remember Meng Shi and seek her company in the upcoming nights.
Meng Yao tries to think about this possibility, as he sneaks into the boat going to Lotus Pier. Maybe...maybe in the upcoming days , he will meet his father. This possibility makes him feel giddy and happy and fuzzy. Then he will invite him to his sect, and Meng Yao will have to leave the Jiang Sect. He wonders why his heart aches at the thought, this time.
No one realizes Meng Yao is late when he arrives. The whole sect is buzzing with activity Much like a hive. He tries to make himself useful, other disciples are lost in the confusion, too proud to help servant girls but with not a single idea of what to do instead, so it’s the perfect opportunity for him to shine. Meng Yao does not have such qualms and so helps leave the gift for each young master in their room.
Lan are special; their room is near the Wei couple family, since Lan Juan and Lan Yuan will act as their guardians and they very much need to be close to their patient still. He is not sure but Lan Juan and Lan Yuan might be currently sleeping; they need rest after spending day and night at Wei Changze’s bedside after all; now is the only moment they have a chance to do so. Since, in a few hours the place will be filled with children and young masters. So Meng Yao is very careful as he sneaks into the room. He deposits the music related gifts for the Lan heirs. Rattle drums for the youngest and book of partitions for the oldest; he puts it on their daybed and heads out as quickly and silently as possible, and then heads to the guest quarters. The Nie second master will have a beautiful fan, the older will have a wooden replica of the Jiang sect sword…Before he can help with the Jin sect, he is kidnapped by Cangse Sanren.
“Ah no, this one is too young to work!” the troublemaker states to Madam Yu, before she drags him off to her quarter, along with her children.
Of course Meng Yao protests; he wants to make himself useful, but she points out:
“You’ll be! Look, do you expect me to take care of all those little gremlins without any help at all? You’ll be the most useful here, You have working legs!”
Meng Yao has to admit that she is right; if Wen Ning and Wen Qing are calm – while Meng Yao suspects it has to do with the grief – Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are a hassle. He likes them a lot, but you can’t take your eyes off them without one (if not both) “attempting the impossible” and nearly breaking their necks in the process.
“Youngsters…” Comments Granny Wen, with a fond smile, when she finds Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng walking on the big wooden beam supporting the ceiling. Meng Yao would very much like it if oldsters, like her, would do something, like making them get down, for example!
“Where is A-Ning?” Wonders Wen Qing, her arms full of bandages, she made the mistake of leaving the Wei Quarters to gather material and she regrets it now.
“Here.” The boy squeals.
When Wen Qing spots him sitting on the beam next to the two other terrors, almost two meters above the ground, Meng Yao swears she almost catches fire.
“ What are you doing up there?” She growls.
“We’re making a swing!” States Jiang Cheng, and Wei Wuxian shows his mother’s ribbon in his hand, that he is currently trying to tie around the beam.
“Oh that’s where it went!” Whispers Cangse Sanren, looking at her sword’s tilt, where the ribbon is definitely missing.
Meng Yao understand why Cangse Sanren needs help too, because the woman, instead of saying it’s stupid, encourages them and even helps them do it. Before long the right-hand man’s Quarters ends up with a swing in the middle of the room. The children find this funny for approximately ten swings (and almost a broken arm). Then they get bored and try to find new trouble to get into.
It is cute, Meng Yao can see a pattern there; Wei Wuxian is almost all the time the one behind the stupid idea, and Jiang Cheng ends up saying it stupid, but still helps when his brother tries, while Wen Ning follows the two boys like a little duckling. Wen Qing goes along with it, making sure her brother doesn’t end up hurt with their antics. She basically says each time “fine but I’m going to scold you all the way through it”. Cangse Sanren makes sure no mistake finishes in a tragedy, but she is certainly not doing much to stop it from happening. Granny Wen gives them candy each time they manage to avoid getting hurt, which sends a wrong message like “good job; good boys!”
It seems Meng Yao is the only one reasonable here. And he is only eight years old. This is the sad truth.
He tries hard to find an activity that is calm and does not risk them breaking a bone or two – but he is met with fierce opposition. Apparently, for the two boys, if you don’t almost die, it is not fun enough. One day this kind of mindset is going to lead them both to a big disaster, Meng Yao is sure of it.
“What is your favorite pet?” Jiang Cheng asks Granny Wen when she gives him yet another candy (Granny, please stop, sugar is making them worse!).
Apparently the heir had decided that the answer to this question is good enough to be a judge of character and he says so.
“That’s a very good idea,” Encourages Cangse Sanren. “If one does not like animals; they surely are not trustworthy!”
Jiang Cheng listens to this nonsense like it’s a god’s teaching, and states he is going to ask each young master, so that way he can know who he can be allied with later as sect leader. Meng Yao seizes this opportunity to start a game that is not-dangerous for once.
“What are you going to do during the conference?” He asks the kids. “My mom says It’s important to always have a goal in mind before big events!”
Wen Ning hums, and whispers that he is going to make a friend.
“That’s a very cute goal A-Ning!” States Cangse Sanren, patting the boy’s head. And Granny approves it, giving the boy a candy for this good answer. (Where does she get all those candies?) Meng Yao thinks so too; there will be young masters here after all, it’s good to befriend them, making good connections, even if he doubts any of the people around thinks of it that way. Why would they? They don’t need benefactors. Except maybe the Wen kids. He doesn’t know much about their situation but the little gossip he heard about let him think they are standing on a complicated spot. So Wen Ning making friends seems very important somehow.
“I will help you with that,” he says to the little boy. And Wen Ning nods, almost eager.
“I will make Lan Zhan giggle!” Wei Wuxian suddenly declares, standing proud.
Meng Yao does not know who this Lan Zhan is (aside from the fact that it’s Wei Wuxian’s best friend, the kid talks about him enough so that everyone-and-their-mother knows that, and A-Cheng complains in equal amounts about it so that everyone-and-their-father knows too). But it seems like a rather modest goal. So why does Cangse Sanren makes such a strange face and pats her son’s head sadly:
“You definitely got the impossible mentality right. I will cheer you in the background sweetheart, good luck!”
“Yes! And I’m gonna tell Daddy about it!” He adds.
Cangse Sanren has the reflex to hug him before he runs to his father’s bedroom and wakes him up.
“I will teach you an ancient way to make a kid giggle!” She says, and proceeds to open up her son’s robe and kisses his tummy, blowing air on the tender skin with a fart sound.
Wei Ying laughs loudly – so loud that Meng Yao thinks forbidding him to go to his father’s room to not wake him up might be useless now. Both Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning try to save Wei Wuxian from his mother’s devil tickle attack, ignoring completely Wen Qing as she states her own goal:
“I’m going to help A-Li make healing food.”
Which is something she should not have said because if the kids didn’t listen, Cangse Sanren did.
“Cooking! What a great idea!!” Decides Cangse Sanren, dropping off her son, who rolls on the ground, short of breath after this tickle fight. “Who’s hungry?” And of course since it’s near lunch time already every kid raises their hands. “We are going to cook here!”
“Here?” Repeats Meng Yao, not sure he heard right.
“Here!” She confirms.
He heard right. it’s a nightmare. He is the only one with an adult mind in this room.
Unfortunately when Cangse Sanren decides, it happens. Before Meng Yao knows it, they move tons of ustensiles and ingredients from the kitchen to the main room of the Wei's quarters. They all start making different sweets (no spicy cake allowed! orders Cangse Sanren to her son). Jiang Yanli is the first to join, after she has finished whatever she was doing outside, and it’s a good sign because she actually knows how to cook, unlike them. Meng Yao thinks for a short moment that this is actually helping the servants – as there is a banquet tonight – but he should have known better. Cangse Sanren hands a spoon full of dough to a bunch of hungry children, and his illusions are shattered. The little gremlins eat the whole bowl with big grins on their faces and the adults let them. Heck, Granny Wen is even making sure they all have a share.
“You should take a bit before those rascals eat everything.” Says Cangse Sanren.
“But…It’s not cooked.”
“It’s tastier this way. Whatever I cook burns anyways.” She confesses. “And my husband is worse, he makes sure all your taste buds burn.”
“That's how you know it’s not rotten!” Repeats Wei Wuxian in the background, and Meng Yao is pretty sure this rule is fake.
Meng Yao isn’t sure how to act, until Wei Changze – who definitely couldn’t sleep with all the noise, got out of his bed. The way he walks is a little wobby, and he falls more than he sits, among them. Wei Wuxian immediately gets on his father’s lap and starts to babble about his days and plans, spilling his share of food all over their robes. Both Jiang Yanli and Wen Qing surround him too, and they start testing things out, providing their teacher a bit of food infused with spiritual power. Cangse Sanren takes a bite before her husband each time to make sure it’s okay while the man hums as he listens and accepts the gift, looking quite tired still but focused. Meng Yao eyes him, careful and afraid he might just...Drop dead or something. He already did that after all. He makes sure yet again to not get near or touch him by mistake.
He watched the man for weeks before deciding to talk to him, so Meng Yao has a good idea of what Wei Changze is like, or at least was like, before his Qi deviation. And there’s barely any change – well he looks like shit, but mentality wise he seems to act the same as before? Expressionless most of the time, monotone voice and overly stupid or ridiculous statement delivered with unbelievable seriousness – which causes Meng Yao to wonder. If he didn’t look so exhausted and weak, he would think nothing has ever happened. Which is of course a lie.
Meng Yao saw that happen a lot in the brothel; a prostitute gets beaten by a client and she goes working the very next day with a smile on her face, one prostitute dies of a disease and her friends pray in the morning before proceeding to work again the same night, taking their deceased friends’ client and praying it will not kill them too. It’s just how life works; it doesn’t wait for you,and you have to just stand and continue walking forward. Because if you stop to mourn and lick your wounds, you’re not sure you can ever get up again, or catch up with the others. You’ll be abandoned.
Wei Changze somehow catches Meng Yao staring and he makes the exact same comment as his wife, offering the boy a spoon full of dough.
“Why do you listen to him but not me!” Complains Cangse Sanren when Meng Yao finally gives up and accepts the gift.
Because I owe him my place here, he thinks, making sure his fingers don’t touch the man.
He regrets not obeying sooner though, it tastes heavenly. He mumbles an excuse for the woman, something about Wei Changze being his teacher and his benefactor and so, not being able to refuse. He does not finish his sentence because somehow, Wei Wuxian decides that he went a full hour without making a mistake and that was definitely too long. So he throws flour on Jiang Cheng’s face.
The whole place turns into a battlefield in a matter of seconds. Teams are made on the spot, and broken randomly. Jiang Yanli and Wen Qing become fearsome allies facing any threat, at first Meng Yao sticks close to Wei Changze, with the help of Cangse Sanren, in some kind of protection squad since the man could not even walk a few step firmly...but when they are about to flour Wen Ning, Wei Changze betrays them all spills his whole sack on his wife’s head.
“Run away A-Ning!!” Screams Wei Wuxian, joining his father’s side, as he tackles his mother to the ground, making sure she does not continue the attack.
“Betrayed by my own family!!” Screams Cangse Sanren.
Meng Yao laughs, when A-Ning seeks shelter near his Granny, only to be floured by her
“No one here is safe!” Screams Jiang Cheng, attacking Granny, while Wne Qing is trying to lead her to safety.
And as he says that, Lan Juan and Lan Yuan enters the battlefield; witnessing the full extent of the disaster for a short moment, (The whole place is turning all white and grimey from food) Bewildered, Lan Juan takes one step inside, slips on something greasy and drags her husband down with her.
They glide on the ground because it’s greasy and slimy and honestly completely disgusting at this point. Lan Juan ends up knocking herself on the dresser and yelps as Wei Ying runs to her.
“How many mommies do you see?” he says, showing three fingers.
“None?” She stammers, confused. Then she sees Cangse Sanren flouring her own husband in retaliation and corrects herself: “One?”
“She is dying!” Screams Wei Ying.
“Wait what?” Lan Yuan tries to get up, but slips on something he doesn’t know, and isn’t sure if he wants to know what, and smashes into his wife.
Which all children understand as the sign that the flour battle is over, and a tackle battle is starting. They make a very nice pile.
“WE SURRENDER!” Lan Yuan shouts, too late.
“No one surrenders on the battlefield!” Meng Yao, who jumps on him with a battlecry and proceeds to flour them all.
Two incense sticks later, as they all soak in a bath, Meng Yao still wonders why he screamed that, and how he got dragged along with all this stupidness. He acted like a kid, and didn’t think at all, committing an awful uncourteous act to a guest! He hides under the water, red from his shame. The worst? Well no one thought he acted out of place or punished it for his behaviour! Like...Like they were just friends, playing along. It’s so strange? For a short moment, Meng Yao forgot his place; his morose mood and the fact that he is missing his biological father’s grand arrival at Yunmeng. He had fun. Now that he has time to cool down, he realizes how much he screwed up.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers to Wei Changze. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
Wei Changze is dangerously threatening to fall asleep in his own bath, his head dropping from time to time, despite the whole mess the boys are making around him. Because they hate baths and the whole place is already a mess, so why not soak it on top of it, argues Wei Wuxian: after all they need water to clean it! Jiang Cheng is more about why girls had to go into a separate room to bathe, and why the Lan went back to theirs when they could have shared a bathtub with the adults the same way they are doing with Meng Yao, Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian.
“It’s not fair they have to share too!”
Wei Changze ignores their complaints and focuses solely on Meng Yao’s statement. He makes an effort to look up:
“What shouldn’t you have done?”
“...Acting like that…”
“Acting like what?”
The man must be really tired because he does look genuinely confused and lost; how can he not get the problem? He was a servant too, he knows how hard it is, they talked about it the day they met!
“Acting like a friend? They’re my young masters I-”
“Meng Yao, you are not a servant here.” Wei Changze says, firmly. “You are a disciple of Yunmeng Jiang Sect, and maybe there’s a difference of statue between you and Jiang Cheng or Jiang Yanli,”
“You’re my friend! I protected you all week!” Protests Jiang Cheng splashing Meng Yao in the face. “You’re my friend now!”
“It’s our choice to make,” Adds Jiang Yanli, as she steps inside the room, fresh and clean with Wen Qing, Granny and Cangse Sanren. Wei Changze continues as if he had not been interrupted at all:
“But there is no difference between you and Wei Ying. Or even Wen Ning or Wen Qing.”
“And you are a child.” Adds Cangse Sanren, as she takes out Wen Ning out of his own bath, warming him up with a towel. The boy hums, almost purring when his sister starts to rub his hair.
“It’s normal to have fun and play sometimes. You’re way too serious.”
“But…-”
“But nothing. You shared a bath with the boys, that means you are now officially pee-friends.”
It takes a full minute for Meng Yao to understand that, and he rushes out of the bathtub. Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian laugh at his reaction. Wen Qing lets out a small “disgusting” while Wen Ning turns a shade of red and asks if he is a pee-friend too, now since he took the bath with them. Meng Yao looks up at Wei Changze, who is helped out of his own bath too, a little bit sluggish. The man nods solemnly at Meng Yao and declares:
“It is a sacred bond.”
Once again he thinks all the cultivators are weird.
Notes:
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter =D
Be certain that Meng Yao will remember everything and make sure the boy will never forget they peed on him.Meng Yao : ...Help me with the administration.
Wei Wuxian : No???
Jiang Cheng : Like hell!
Meng Yao : You owe me, you peed on me.
Wei Wuxian *rolls out with laughter*
Jiang Cheng : I WAS FIVE WHEN WILL YOU LET THIS GO?!
Meng Yao : never.
See you on friday for another chapter =D
Chapter 55: What are titles anyways?
Notes:
This chapter's title is half a joke half a description of what the chapter is about xD
Hello everyone i hope you're all doing great and all =D I'm here with a new chapter and i want to thank you for your adorable comment last time, i'm so happy to have such wonderful readers like you all <3Previous chapter summary -->Meng Yao had been kidnapped and dragged in by Cangse Sanren, forced to help her on babysitting duty. Which was, if one would be honest, a dangerous job In lotus Pier. But fortunately aside for a minor flour fight, everything went fairly well. Meng Yao is now part Pee-friend with the Jiang and the Wei children (and Wen Ning) ; a sacred bond. Maybe this oath will help him keep the fear of being rejected away. Or maybe not, as the boy still pretty much yearn for meeting his father and the conference was, after all the perfect occasion for that. But for now, he is stuck at Lotus Pier while the Sect LEader are parading in his native city, Yunmeng.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The first sect delegation arrives not long after they are all cleaned up. Along with the other disciples that weren’t chosen to participate in the conference, Meng Yao waits in the courtyard. Proper and standing in line, trying his best to look good enough. He does not have a Jiang robe or clarity bell yet, but one servant girl gave him clean clothes after his bath so he would not look...Well — floured. He behaves the best he can, trying not to laugh when Wei Wuxian tackles a young master and Jiang Cheng manages to insult him right after. Status really is a great thing: protecting both naive children from their mistakes. Meng Yao would have been beaten black and blue if he dared; ignorance is never a good-enough excuse in his case, so he learns as much as he can to avoid making one.
Well...maybe not anymore, he thinks twice.
His benefactor’s words still ring in his ears...Him and the young masters are pee-friends. It sounds ridiculous, it shouldn’t make him feel happy and secure. But it does. The whole week the Jiang Sect leaders and heir treated him with respect and kindness, protective of him and made him feel welcomed. And the Wei family? The Wei family kidnapped him, and peed on him, yet still managed to make him feel like a part of their own kind. This is strange how it makes the fear in his heart shrink a little bit.
Then Madam Jin is the one who enters Lotus Pier and Meng Yao’s thoughts come to a halt for a second. The fear is back.
Meng Yao knows who his father is. He knows his name is Jin, and that he is the Sect Leader. So he knows for sure that the woman before him is his official wife and the boy by her side must be his half-brother.
He knows but they don’t. And he is painfully aware that it must stay that way.
If the brothel had taught him one thing, it is that women are not favored by society. If he were born a girl, he would already be trained to please a man, no matter who his father is. Heck, if his mother didn’t fight as hard, he would probably still be trained right now. Just like my mother's brother. And he died because he couldn’t stand being a male prostitute. He died. Meng Shi is terrified of the idea that Meng Yao would share the same fate. It can't happen; no matter what. Anything but that. Meng Yao chases the thought away, refusing to let this be a possibility even in the secrecy of his mind. He returns to a safer subject, his first train of thoughts: madam Jin. Since it’s so hard to get any power for women, of course when one manages to get a good position, power, security, they will do anything to keep it. Anything. There’s nothing more dangerous than a despaired woman. Meng Yao’s existence is a threat to Madam Jin’s security. He is aware of that. It’s not because she is the first lady of the Jin that her position is safe; her life depends on her son’s success too. If a bastard gets better than him, good enough for her husband to think it’s worth fighting and getting rid of her...
So Meng Yao tries his very best to not be seen. He will one day be able to meet her; with his father backing him up and making sure she could not hurt him, to make sure he would not hurt her first. But for now, he has never met his father yet, he has no protector, — except the one lying in bed right now, exhausted by this one tiny flour fight — he can’t afford her finding who he is. This is too dangerous.
But on the other hand, he also knows that a little handful of disciples will be assigned to each clan. Not much to do besides watching them from afar and making themselves available for their every needs that servants can’t do, especially regarding the sect and training. If he is to be sent to take care of the Jin delegation...It would also be an opportunity to get close to his father, right? He can’t see him today during the procession, but maybe he could meet him still. Maybe he could even talk to him!
Meng Yao isn’t sure what to do yet; trapped between desire and fear. So he does nothing and waits, evaluates, judges the situation and sees if it’s worth the try.
“You will take care of the Nie.” One of the older students relays to him. Then he points out the people in green robes, especially the adolescent and the baby.
Meng Yao isn’t sure if he feels relieved or disappointed. He still accepts it, determined to accomplish his mission to the utmost of his abilities. He immediately moves to greet the other boys with the clear intention to show them their quarters.
Nie Mingjue is a bit impressive, older and bolder. He looks so strong, no Jiang Sect disciples that are his age have as much muscle as him. He is already speaking with another boy in blue robe and a ribbon tied on his head. It is the most beautiful person Meng Yao has ever seen (after his mother). His eyelashes are so long!
“Your brother is already so strong he can carry someone! How did you do it? Mine wails to be carried all the time, I'm not sure how he even managed to develop any strength in his legs, given how everyone indulges him!” Says Nie Mingjue staring at Nie Huaisang, who somehow managed to convince Jiang Cheng to carry him already. The baby doesn’t want to nap like the young second master Lan or the Wen child apparently, even though he had been told to. Jiang Cheng accepts the boy’s whim, though Meng Yao guesses it is more because of his competitive strife with Wei Wuxian and their best-friend-battle that leads him to do so.
“A-Zhan is older than your little brother. And the Lan clan is famous for our disciples’ arm strength.” Says the first master Lan.
“Really? You don’t look so strong! You think you could carry me like your brother did with his friend?” Challenges Nie Mingjue with a smirk, showing off his own muscle. And he is very muscular.
Meng Yao gulps.
Since they seem busy, he stops and waits for them to finish, not daring interrupting; conscious of their social differences. Yet, the beautiful boy immediately notices him and turns:
“Ah. Sorry to ignore you. Nice to meet you.” He bows. “My name is Lan Huan. Do you need anything?”
“Hey don’t ignore me!” Complains Nie Mingjue in the background.
Meng Yao is so taken aback that it takes a little too long to answer:
“Ah yes. I was assigned to the Nie Clan delegation. Nice to meet you, This one’s name is Meng Yao. If you ever need anything here, please feel free to tell me.”
“Are you a disciple from the Jiang Sect, or a servant?” Asks Nie Mingjue, bluntly.
Meng Yao tries his very best to smile and not show how much this question hurts. He doesn’t know yet; he could still be very much chased away if he is not good enough, after all. The Wei and the Jiang can like him as they please, but if he doesn’t develop a golden core it would mean nothing. That’s why he smiles still, though, because he can’t afford any mistakes until his position is secured. And even then, he isn’t sure he can afford any missteps, given his background.
“A disciple, but not for very long, I apologize in advance if it takes me some time to find my way around the Sect.”
Nie Mingjue laughs, as if he said a good joke, and pats his back as if he wasn’t rude mere seconds before:
“It’s not like I know the place better than you!”
Lan Huan, only smiles back:
“I heard from Wei Wuxian that The Jiang Clan is working on developing their leg strength, is it true?”
For a moment Meng Yao hesitates; as he is not sure he is allowed to spill any secrets from the sect training regimens. But then he realizes that it is Wei Wuxian who talked about it first and that he can’t be counted as responsible, truly.
“Well. Our Teacher Wei Changze used to run with our young master and his son clinging to his legs, and we started to put weight on our legs to mimic him. So probably?”
“Really? Sounds like fun! Maybe I should do that with my little brother, that way he would be carried and I would be training!” Smirks Nie Mingjue.
Meng Yao isn’t sure what he should say, and doesn’t have time to do so as one of the disciples, the same one who got thrown into the river the first day for calling him names, comes closer. Meng Yao frets, because this one is most adamant to antagonise Meng Yao of all Yunmeng Jiang disciples; from what Meng Yao gathered, he is a local, that had been invited to study at Lotus Pier earlier this year with two of his friends...but the other two never developed a golden core, and had to go back home. Instead of humbling him, it somehow made him feel more important, full of himself. Maybe he feels threatened by Meng Yao’s presence; maybe he wants to remain the only commoner who developed a core here. Whatever his reasons are, he is determined to ruin the boy’s chance, apparently, because he says bluntly to the young masters:
“If I were you, young master Nie, I would stay away from this disciple. He causes Qi deviation!”
Meng Yao freezes. How can you do that? He does not know much about the cultivation world, but he is deeply aware that Nie Sect is dealing with a lot of problems and Qi deviations, stating such a thing in front of the heir is outright sabotaging Meng Yao’s job and…
“Are you stupid? That’s not how Qi Deviation works at all!” Sniffs Nie Mingjue.
“Qi Deviation is not caused by a person, but by spiritual power disruption,” Lan Huan recites immediately.
The disciple, probably furious to be put back in place and see his schemes fail, grumbles:
“Well the day he arrived, our teacher Qi deviated! I don’t think it’s a coincidence, but if you’re willing to take the risk, don’t say I didn’t warn you…”
“It’s against the rule to gossip,” states Lan Huan.
“This is not Cloud Recess!”
“Well, you shouldn’t say things are false and stupid, then, and it’s not a rule that works only at Cloud Recess! You think you know more about how Qi deviation works than me?” Barks Nie Mingjue.
Vexed, the disciple goes away, barely apologizing. And Meng Yao stares, not sure what to do. At loss, he finally bows and thanks them. That’s a safe bet. Yet Lan Huan interrupts his bow by putting his hand on Meng Yao’s elbow and smiling: “There’s no need, you’re not at fault there” he says. Are all cultivators nice? The question he asked his mother this morning rings still in his head as he stares, baffled at Lan Huan. Nie Mingjue doesn’t seem to care much about it though and grumbles:
“What a killjoy. It ruined the mood! Hey, can you show me my room? If I see his face I might punch him, and then my father will punch me for causing a scene.”
Meng Yao gladly obeys. He asks for Jiang Cheng to give him the young Nie Master, and the boy seems conflicted about it. He finally gives him to Meng Yao, and dusts the drool off his robe while his brother laughs at him.
“Shut up Wei Wuxian!”
“Well my best friend doesn’t drool on me!” Wei Wuxian smirks.
“No but he naps!”
Meng Yao hides his smile, as Jiang Cheng chases Wei Wuxian through the courtyard. He settles Nie Huaisang on his hips and the little boy clings to him. He has a candy in his tiny fist and Meng yao recognizes it as the one Granny Wen gives to good boys. How did that baby manage to find the woman, and win it? He doesn’t know. But it might explain why he isn’t tired and ready to nap like the others. There’s too much sugar in his blood….
Meng Yao shows Nie Mingjue the room he will share with his delegation and brother, and where the necessities are. Nie Mingjue thanks him, takes his little brother in his arms and just...throws him in the bed with a war cry, which apparently makes the baby laugh. Are all cultivators….Weird? Meng Yao re-thinks.
“I will call you before dinner young masters…” Meng Yao warns. Then he returns to the courtyard. Lan Huan is still there, he moved to the place where the younger children are napping. His little brother’s head resting on his lap. Wen Qing is discussing with him already patting her own little brother’s head. Wei Wuxian apparently managed to outrun Jiang Cheng too, because he is there, staring at a sleeping Lan Zhan.
Meng Yao hums and decides he pretty much did his job right, so he sits in the distance and starts reading one of his books, waiting for the bell that will announce dinner. He knows the cultivation book his mother offered him is wrong — he gathered that much in his week of training — but he still likes it; it is after all a gift from his mother, one she spent a lot of money on. It would be a waste to not read it and memorize it; besides, maybe if he can pinpoint what the book says that is wrong he could understand why they think that way, and maybe find a way to correct it. He doesn’t know how long time passes as he studies, but at one point there’s not enough light for him to read and servants are starting to light up the place and arrange the dishes in the courtyard. He sees the young Jin master looking at the whole mess with a distressed look on his face, especially eyeing at the insects who are starting to buzz around the lotus shaped lantern. But before Meng Yao can say anything he closes his door and hides in his room deeper, as if the insects couldn’t reach him there. That’s when one of the Madam’s twin maids arrives; she has her hand on Nie Mingjue’s back who is currently frowning.
“Please stay here with this one young master Nie. If you are that interested in Yunmeng you’ll be pleased, this one disciple is from there, I am sure he can entertain you. ” The twin maid says politely.
Meng Yao’s eyes widen and he understands immediately that Nie Mingjue probably tried to sneak out of Lotus Pier and get to Yunmeng, where his sect and father are holding festivities! This is a disaster, Meng Yao was supposed to look after the Nie!
Nie Mingjue scowl grows deeper and he sits with his arm crossed on his chest. When the maid gets out of his line of sight, he blushes and says:
“Just so you know I didn’t sneak out behind your back.”
Meng Yao wants to scream “Oh? What did you try to do then?” in the most ironic tone ever, but he can’t without being rude so he says instead:
“Unfortunately this one fails to understand, but he is sure the young lord did nothing that could bring trouble to this poor disciple.”
Which seems to make Nie Mingjue embarrassed enough that he tries to justify himself:
“Of course I won’t! I just...You know I asked if someone could bring me to Yunmeng so I could speak to my father-”
“Is there anything you wish to tell him? Is your younger brother sick? Surely we can accomodate for him. “
“No my brother is fine! He is playing in the room with his new best friend and his dogs.”
So that’s where Jiang Cheng went, notes Meng Yao. Madam is going to be mad at him; his dogs are only allowed in the heir’s room, nowhere else.
“And if there’s really an important message you wish to relay, I will go back to Yunmeng tonight, I know where the Nie delegation’s inn is. I could deliver a letter if you wish.”
He might also, if he hurries, see his father. That would be a great bonus and no one would be angry at him for trying if he is granting a young master’s wish.
“You’re from Yunmeng?”
“Yes, young master.”
Meng Yao waits for a message to relay; something along the line “why am I stuck with baby sect heirs, come and get me!” but Nie Mingjue frowns again and bites his lips, and finally he gives up with a sigh.
“What are you reading?” He finally asks, pointing at the book in Meng Yao’s hands, unfortunately changing the subject.
Only a couple of steps away from them, A-Huan feels a little bit confused. He stares at the training ribbon on Wei Wuxian’s wrist, the same that is supposed to stay on his brother’s forehead. While he doesn’t mind it — even finds it cute — he is afraid that uncle will not think the same. Training ribbons are not as sacred, yes; but they are very important in a way that it is supposed to teach Lan to treasure their future ribbon and how to act with it. If it had been the Lan sacred ribbon instead of the training one, his brother would have been married.
Well maybe not completely; just like you need 3 bows to complete a marriage, there are more steps than just wrapping ribbons to his lover’s wrist to complete the ritual. But still, it’s like his brother did the first bow completely out of the blue!
He promises himself to explain this to A-Zhan at one point, tonight, maybe after dinner. Maybe the boy will change his mind and find another gift for Wei Wuxian. Or maybe not, his brother is quite stubborn when he wants to be and rarely changes his mind. A-Huan might as well start looking for an excuse and a way to appease uncle about it.
He doesn’t have much time to find an idea though. Jiang Yanli comes back with Cangse Sanren. Their arms are full of snacks, and they even carry two full course meals on a tray. Wen Qing takes her sleeping little brother in her arms as soon as she sees them and bow.
“Thank you.” She says to the girls.
“Are you sure you don’t want to eat with us at the banquet?” Asks Jiang Yanli with a sad face.
The comment snaps Wei Wuxian out of his daze; “Why ?” He whines immediately looking at his friends.
Cangse Sanren pats his head and says:
“They are mourning, sweetheart, they can’t participate in an extravagant banquet like this for a while.” Before her son can say it’s not fair, she turns to Wen Qing and Wen Ning and assures them: “Wei Changze will not attend either, you can go eat with him if you want. The mess in our quarters had been cleaned. While I was at it, I organized the room a little bit differently so you can sleep in our quarters for the time being. There’s no more place elsewhere, I'm sorry.”
Cangse Sanren doesn’t add that she also wants to check on their sleeping schedule too. Wen Ning’s condition is serious, and what if Wen Qing starts having nightmares because she sleeps near her little brother? They didn’t think of that the first time (why does she always forget about this point? This is so infuriating, she needs to do something for her crappy memory) Wen Qing bows again and asks with a tiny broken voice:
“Will you call me if Sect Leader Wen drops by?”
And it occurs to Cangse Sanren that the man, no matter how awful he is, is still a family relative to the little girl. She doesn’t know he is responsible for her parent’s deaths, as the events were probably too far apart for her to understand. And he is the only Wen of her extended family that can do something about her situation. That can teach her cultivation. Cangse Sanren forces a smile on her face and promises she will (even if she prays he will not come down there, because if he does, it would most certainly be to take the two little siblings away. She doesn’t want that; it’s too late now, she loves them!).
Wen Qing goes, with her little brother and meal, back to the Wei Quarters, after saying goodbye to Lan Huan and Jiang Yanli. A-Huan waves his hand at her, she has been a good company after all, they bonded over their little brothers’ inability to socialize in a very short time. Apparently Wen Ning is also very shy, and his stutter embarrasses him enough that he avoids speaking if he can; while A-Zhan never tends to daydream like Wen Ning, they still have a lot in common, and A-Huan has been happy to share his stories with her. It feels good to have someone who knows how hard it can be to handle them, yet finds them endearing for the very reasons they are difficult.
Wen Qing went with a full meal but Cangse Sanren and Jiang Yanli didn’t forget them. They brought some snacks for them from the kitchen; and even tea! Jiang Yanli seems to be a very sweet girl, as she even hushes Wei Wuxian when he starts giggling loudly.
“Your best friend is sleeping, remember?” She reminds him.
Wei Wuxian puts a hand on his mouth to muffle the sound, and that’s when his mother notices the ribbon on her son’s wrist.
“I was gone for a fucking hour, A-Ying, and you’ve married behind my back?”
A-Zhan stirs in his slumber and frowns; A-Huan hopes he didn’t hear this bad word. Wei Wuxian beams at her and states:
“It’s Lan Zhan’s!”
“I suspected that.” Cangse Sanren smiles and winks at A-Huan as if he is part of a game he doesn’t know the rules of.
“Daddy said I can't marry Lan Zhan…” he said, though a bit disappointed. “But I can dual cultivate!”
cangse Sanren almost burst out laughing hearing that; did...did her husband really tell their son to not marry a boy but to have sex with him? And she is the shameless one? She is never going to let that down and allow him to forget! but first she needs to correct this mistake.
“Of course you can marry Lan Zhan, you can marry whoever you like! But I thought you were going to marry daddy and mommy?”
Lan Huan sends her a strange look but she ignores it completely because Wei Ying beams at the very idea.
“I’m going to treat him well!” He promises, ignoring completely the problem with him wanting to marry his parents too. “Better than the idiot is doing with sis!”
Jiang Yanli gives him a sad smile. A-Huan is not privy to their matter but he indeed found the boy’s behavior very rude toward his fiancée.
“That’s a very good idea! Show this little boy how you treat your betrothed right!” States Cangse Sanren.
It’s when she starts joking about A-Zhan having to meet his father-in-law to get his blessing very soon that A-Huan realizes it’s very important to clarify the situation:
“They are not married, it’s only his training ribbon.”
If Wei Wuxian is saddened over this fact, he doesn’t show it. In fact, he seems to be having trouble with the way the ribbon is tied to his wrist, playing with the knot with a frown. It bothers his movement and Jiang Yanli offers him to tie it elsewhere.
“Since it’s not a marriage bond, it’s alright, right?” She inquires to A-Huan.
“But we’re supposed to be matching!” Laments Wei Wuxian, pointing at A-Zhan’s red ribbon around his wrist.
“Well maybe A-Zhan can wear it elsewhere too! Like...on his head.” Offers Cangse Sanren, and she gives A-Huan a look that seems to mean something.
It takes a full minute for A-Huan to get it. Of course! That's the solution to appease his uncle! After all the training ribbon can be any ribbon, if A-zhan uses the one that Wei Wuxian gave him instead surely it can be okay! And he is sure that A-Zhan will not give it to someone else this way, he never parts more than a couple of hours with it. Just like that the whole napping area turns into some hair braiding space. Cangse Sanren wants to laugh again and say it’s the shortest marriage in history.
Wei Wuxian asks his sister to braid his own red ribbon with Lan Zhan’s white one in his hair.
“Just like Lan Juan!” He adds. And it takes some time for them to figure out how. Lan Juan’s hairstyle is far more complex than they thought it would be; so much so that at one point Cangse Sanren gives up and asks for the woman’s help.
“You like my hairstyle?” Lan Juan asks, bewildered when they explain to her what they’re trying to do. Her hand touches her hair, as if she’s trying to make sure it didn’t change without her noticing.
“Yeah it’s pretty!” All kids chirp, and A-Zhan wakes up at that, nodding automatically to the affirmation as he rubs his eyes and yawns.
Lan Juan’s style is strange at Cloud Recesses; but no one comments on it ever. It is very similar to the Yunmeng Jiang style, thinks A-Huan. Her hair is braided with the sacred forehead ribbon, leaving one white streak among them, as it is tied in a tight bun on the top of her head.
“It’s meant to be practical,” Lan Juan confesses. “I kept walking on my ribbon’s tails when I was your age...and every gust of wind brought it back to people’s faces, so I had to find a way for this to stop before an accident happened and I ended up married to some old geezer instead of my dear husband.”
A-Huan relates, wind is the worst enemy for sacred ribbons. Wind and cats, he thinks, as both Cangse Sanren and Wei Wuxian send him a look. Lan Juan shows them all how she does it and Wei Wuxian ends up with both a red and white ribbon braid, that ends up in a ponytail.
“Am I pretty Lan Zhan?” The boy asks, showing the result. And A-Zhan nods touching the boy’s curls while A-Huan is busy trying to put the red ribbon the way the training one was supposed to be tied. Jiang Yanli is helping — making sure to not touch Lan Zhan and only A-Huan — when they hear something very akin to a roar.
“This is unacceptable!”
They turn their head only to find Nie Mingjue, who is apparently, very furiously looking at a distressed Meng Yao.
Notes:
And i have for the second time in a row, nothing to say in the end notes...
No weird dream or jokes...*shrugs*
So instead i will share with you the fic i enjoy reading (Because why not?) I'm sure you know most of these ones because they're awesome and very popular but i'm still giving the titles cause i can :
Top 5 of my week
A Bell That Tells Us to Rise and Fight by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee (One of my favorite fanfic ever)
All the same reasons by aghostandchangeling
The Third Young Master of the Qishan Wen by KouriArashi (and atypical courtship from the same author because everything this author writes is awesome and lately she has been kind to Meng Yao too so i'm happy...Crap does that count as top five when i say "every fic of this author in 3rd position? Let's say yes)
For the love of two boys by Yengirl
Yearning for miles by MurahiTop tier of my week :
The Darkness Before Dawn by PsycheStellata707
Children Beware—the Demon of Yiling by EVOLustory
... Lan Zhan? by Aquamarinade
These Marks Upon My Skin by LittleNarwhal
To live is to regret by Luna_reclipse
Gold Poisons by Linderosse
the thing with feathers by RoseThorne
nevermore, nevermore by agloeian
Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller
And in the section of "totally deserves more"
The long way home by traumaesistenziale
and I Understand You More, Now by floraidh
I Know How Those in Exile Feed on Dreams of Hope by rabbit_habits, saltedpin
Sunlight Through Pines by handsofstardust
A Season to Uproot by Hamliet
Jiang Rising by eebee
To Make a Miracle by mercyandmagicAnd the "i love this fic so much but it hurts me physically after each chapter that it deserves its whoe categroy all for itself" :
Lan Yuan's war by BurningTea
And the author i always give a try to their fanfic because they're that goo AND write a lot :
Sami (specialist for giving me sexuality headcanon on characters xD)
KouriArashi (I...just like their every work....)
Yengirl (I just like their every work too xD)
mercyandmagic (specialist for Meng Yao)
pupeez4eva (specialist of funny time-travel)
BurningTea (specialist for breaking my heart)
snowberryrose (specialist of Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing)And i think that's all...*says the girl who will remember 10 more as soon as she clicks on post it*
But wow i read a lot. (I wish i had the time to comment all those fics but i'm reading it when i'm supposed to work already...)
Chapter 56: Triad
Notes:
Hi everyone! I hope you're all doing well and great =D I'm here with a new chapter and i hope you'll like it ^^
Except from that for once i don't have much to say. It happens! Wish you all a good time reading ^^ This chapter was once again beta-read by the talented Fraudulent_Moose !Previous chapter summary ->While Meng Yao was trying to find his place within the sect, Madam Jin arrived at the conference. Scared of meeting her unprepared, the boy cofused on his task which was to take care of the Nie delegation ; and especially Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang. He was moved when the young master Nie and Lan teamed up to defend him from a fellow's disciple words. After a quick conversation he showed them to their room and went to read his mother's book in peace, waiting for the banquet. In the meantime, the Wen kid went back into the Wie qurter to eat in peace, as their mourning period imposed them to, but Cangse Sanren noticed how Wen Qing's disappointement, as Wen Ruohan didn't bother to check on them at all. But she didn't have much time to think about it, as her devilish son found a way to be offered Lan Zhan's training ribbon (fortunately they were just almost married). She had just resolved the issue when Nie mingjue's scream was heard ; she found the young master Nie furious at Meng Yao. What the heck happened ? Last time she saw him, the young master Nie had been dragged back to the terrace by Jinzhu after attempting going to Yunmeng on his own...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Nie Mingjue, what’s the matter?”
Nie Zhou turns to the woman floating on her sword. He recognizes her as the one who was with Madam Yu, the lady of the Jiang Sect, earlier. But he fails to remember who she is, too busy being furious. Meng Yao eyes him with utter distress, as he clenches his fist around the boy’s book. He’s makinghim look like he is the bad guy; which is not fair at all!
“This book tells awful lies to people!” he says to the adult, showing the true evil-doer in this discussion.
And the worst of it is that it bears the seal of Qinghe! It is from his very region! He read some of the lines and every single one is worse than the previous; it’s nothing but here-say at best, and completely wrong, even dangerous at worst! Innocent people might put themselves in danger if they tried to follow such instruction to become cultivators, instead of seeking a rightful sect’s teaching! The woman on her sword listens to his rant for a while and then says, unwavering:
“I see! I see! It’s true that it is unacceptable. I totally agree with you on that point!” She says, and Nie Zhou stands proud for a short one second before the woman resumes: “But that’s not a reason to steal people’s treasure!”
Nie Zhou turns pale; steal? He would never! Just as he thinks that, petrified by the mere idea, he hears Jiang Yanli whispers:
“Auntie, it’s a gift from his mother.”
The two youngest children among them — they’re wearing matching ribbons — gasp. One looks very baffled, while the other gives them the most murderous look he’s ever seen on a five year old’s face. But the worst is the look on the first master of Lan, who is smiling at him yet there’s an edge at the curve of his lips, the same one Nie Zhou’s mother used to have when he made a terrible mistake.
And it makes Nie Zhou feel awful; for the first time he identifies the expression on Meng Yao’s face not as distress over his fist of anger — which he is accustomed to — but for something else entirely. He almost shoves the book back into the boy’s arms. Meng Yao squeezes it against his chest tightly, the same way second mother does sometimes with the fan Zhou’s mother gave her when they became her sisters in marriage. He understands that feeling all too well; he misses his mother too.
“I didn’t steal it, I just…”
Nie Zhou had it in his hands when he started complaining, that’s all he wants to say. But that’s not completely the truth either so he doesn’t.
“It’s full of lies, you know that, right?” he adds, because even if it’s a gift from his mother he cannot understand why the boy would cling to it while knowing.
“I know.” Admits Meng Yao, looking at his feet.
“It’s still a gift from his mother, young master Nie. Would you like someone to take your treasures from you? Or tell you the treasure is fake?” Explains the woman on her sword.
No he supposes not. Now that his anger is deflating, which allows him to think a bit more.
“I…Know it tells lies.” Meng Yao pouts. “But I think it’s important to know what kind of lies they say too...So you can understand how people who are told lies think, and maybe even understand how the lie works so you can correct it.”
The answer leaves Ni Mingjue baffled. And he is not the only one apparently, even the adult seems surprised by that logic. But even if the boy is smart (he can’t deny that) it doesn’t change the core of the problem! People are told lies and that has to stop! So he says so:
“I have to go to Yunmeng and show it to my father so he can stop it from spreading!’ He stops and adds, a little bit pitiful; “Ah. But I will have to take your book to tell my father about it,”
He eyes it again and Meng Yao unconsciously clutches it against his chest tighter for a moment. Then his expression morphs into some kind of resignation.
“It’s okay young master,” Meng Yao smiles a bit stifly, “If you allow me to just have it just a little bit longer, I’m almost done memorizing it.”
“What do you mean, memorize it?” Gasps Mingjue, before he remembers that he is supposed to be cool and grumpy: “And why do you even need to? Again, It tells a lot of lies!”
“It’s a gift from his mother,” repeats the woman on her sword, again, as if it excuses everything, including learning wrong things.
But Lan Huan understands and feels sorry for Meng Yao, he would hate to have been deprived of one of his mother’s gifts. It hurts enough that she was never allowed to give them any. And if Lan Zhan’s expression is anything to go by, his little brother agrees with him. Surely, there’s something they can do...to make the boy slightly better and not lose a memory of his mother. Nie Mingjue must feels the same because he frowns and crosses his arms:
“Okay, you keep your lies-book until the end of the banquet.”
Nie Zhou doesn’t like that. He had wanted to prepare a boat — or whatever — so he can go to Yunmeng right here and right now. This is an urgent matter after all, he is sure his father would hate the idea people are lied to as much as he does! Father hates lies the most; he got really angry with his sister, Nie Zhou’s aunt, because of one. They never made up before the woman died, apparently because that one lie is so shameful he doesn’t even want to talk about it and just gets angry when people do. He even threw his saber at someone once, when they talked of it in front of Nie Zhou and mother! The man who talked got his bun cut clean. It had been both fun and scary at the same time. He hopes his father will throw his saber again at the one responsible for the book, and cut their bun too. The offense is bad enough to deserve it, surely! Yes he doesn’t like waiting, but a few hours...Won’t make much of a difference. He can give Meng Yao some time. Besides...
“But when I go with it, since it’s yours, I shall offer you compensation for taking it! How much did it cost?”
“I’m sorry,” insists Meng Yao again. “But I have no idea, it was a gift. But you don’t have to.”
“I have to! What about this, I take one of your books, so I will give you one of mine in exchange!”
But Nie Zhou realizes he is not at his place, he has no library that belongs to him. And he certainly didn’t bring any in his luggage. So his face turns a bit red.
“But...I didn't bring any books with me...”
The adult on the sword snorts, and Nie Zhou feels his whole face heating up with shame. She is mocking him! And worse, since she is laughing the little kids are smirking at him too. Fortunately Lan Huan guesses what he is trying to say, albeit grumpily.
“I have books. I can give one to you,” he says to Meng Yao. “Young master Mingjue, you’re
supposed to come to study at Cloud Recesses soon, right? You will give me a book of the Nie then, as repayment.”
Nie Zhou is too happy to comply — if only to make the adult stop laughing.
“Yeah! Let’s do that! That’s the deal!”
“Young masters, please…” Complains Meng Yao. And he eyes the woman, as if she is going to save him the trouble, but she does nothing at all, obviously delighted by the scene.
“Do not steal,” quotes Lan Huan, determined. Surely, taking something without payment, using their position as young masters, is wrong.
Meng Yao doesn't know what to say. He looks completely shocked when Lan Huan comes back to the courtyard with a Lan Clan cultivation book. Surely, the boy is aware that his book is worth way more than the one he is giving, so he clutches to it, pressing it close to his chest...And bows.
“Thank you for your generosity, young masters, I will not forget it.”
Lan Huan forces him to stand proud once again, as Nie Mingjue grunts.
“This is not generosity, it’s respect! Fairness! Don’t say such stupid things!”
Maybe Lan Huan imagines it, but when Meng Yao looks at them again, his smile seems a little bit more true than when he arrived this morning. It warms his heart. Nie Mingjue is right; they did what is natural, what is righteous. Lan Huan feels great, at the thought that he did what the rules of his clan instruct him, and for the first time, he sees them not as a pressure in his back, but as a good thing. Something that can create happiness too.
“Now I'm ready to face my father and explain the problem to him!” States Nie Zhou.
This is when the adult decides it’s her cue to step in: her eyes narrow and she gives him a grin full of teeth as she suggests:
“Are you sure, young master, that is the reason why you want to go to Yunmeng? Not for, let’s say, to go and participate in the competition, like other Nie disciples?”
Kids look at him smugly, and Nie Zhou turns red from head to toe, again . Sl-Slander! He wants to scream, but it would be a lie to say that this idea hadn’t crossed his mind. He is, after all, almost an adult. The problem is the rule is clear; only disciples with a spiritual weapon can go to conferences. He got his saber but the weapon didn’t develop a name or a spirit on time for him to participate, though his instructor assured it shouldn’t take long. But he also knows that today is the most boring day of the conference; his father and the disciples probably just made their grand entrance show in the city before taking a few hours for lunch. he would rather go tomorrow where they would fight and compete against another rather than today, banquets that last 6 hours are not his thing, thank you very much!
If only his stomach didn’t choose this very moment to growl. He blushes again because of it, and the woman on her sword laughs, imitated by the boy with the red and white ribbon braid.
“What about this, young master Nie; you eat dinner here, and then, when Meng Yao goes back to Yunmeng with me. We’ll relay your sentiment to your father.”
It...it seems like a decent deal; even if it means Nie Zhou is not going to Yunmeng. He pouts a bit, but he can’t really protest. So instead he turns to Meng Yao and says:
“Okay, but he sits with me, I need to tell him exactly what he has to say to my father! And I keep the book because there’s no way I'm remembering from what library it is sold, he has to see it and track it! As proof!”
“I can’t sit with young masters!” Protests Meng Yao, turning pale and looking at the adult.
Who shrugs.
“Why not? You’re invited! Have fun!”
And that seems to close the deal; or to be more accurate, the bell announcing the dinner does it. Cangse Sanren laughs at the face Meng Yao pulls as he is dragged to the tables, once again kidnapped. He is turning a shade whiter when Lan Huan sits next to him too, opening the cultivation book he gifted to the other boy; apparently he wants to compare the lie-book with the right-one. Nie Mingjue seems more akin to discussing what to do with the lies and how to educate and protect the people from it. It takes only a couple of heartbeats before Meng Yao starts talking and drawing something on the ground. Lan Huan and Nie Mingjue interrupting him there and there fingers pointing his schemes or a line on the books. The trio works out, Cangse Sanren thinks, the little disciple is not embarrassed anymore. Heck, he doesn’t even see the way the other disciples his ages are eying the whole scene with anger.
She will have to talk to A-Ying and tells him to protect Meng Yao tomorrow so he does not end up in trouble. Or maybe A-Cheng or A-Li. Or...Maybe one adult for once, like Yu Ziyuan! That seems like a more reasonable plan! Wow, she is impressed in herself, she is almost acting like an adultier-adult. She regrets that Wei Changze isn’t there to give her a pat on the head!
Well. Maybe it’s for the best that he is not there though. She still can’t forget the way her husband broke down in her arms over the fact that they were both never aware it would ever be a problem…
So yes, better leave him be problem-free until he is over this one.
Seeing that Lan Huan is busy, Lan Zhan sits next to him in silence. A-Ying immediately brings his own table near his best friend too. Which makes A-Cheng pout when he enters the courtyard. His dogs must sense his anger because they return to the kennel on their own, making a big long circle around, avoiding A-Ying, well educated.
“You can still sit near him, you know, A-Ying has a left side...And a right side!” She tells him.
“But I can’t sit with A-Li and A-Ying and A-Sang at the same time!” He complains. “And he took the right side! A-Ying has to be on my right; like father and uncle!!”
Cangse Sanren is about to explain to him that if A-Ying has Lan Zhan on his right, it doesn’t mean that A-Cheng can’t have A-Ying on his right, it’s just a matter of how he sits; left and right differentiation is tricky when they’re so young. (Heck she gets mixed up every now and then and she is old) but the matter is settled without her intervention in the end.
A-Sang takes one glance at his brother, surrounded by big kids, and decides to sit on A-Cheng’s lap instead, leaving one empty spot to A-Li at the boy’s left. Everything seems to be going smoothly without any big fight when suddenly Cangse Sanren notices the empty spot to Jiang Yanli’s right. Where Jin Zixuan is supposed to be.
She sighs, and looks around, trying to figure out where the boy could hide. It’s not hard to know, as both Madam Jin and Madam Yu are currently in front of the Jin quarter’s door. They seem like they need help. Since their meeting earlier didn’t go awry she supposes they will not send her back to babysitting with a kick in the butt, even if she butts in. Surely she can let Lan Juan handle the bunch of kids, she is good at that. (Her husband said so, when he said he would be taking charge of the Wen and Wei Changze tonight).
So she asks A-Ying to be good ( and not marry another Lan behind her again), and flies to the two women.
“What’s wrong?” She asks immediately.
“Nothing.” Denies Madam Jin; but then she pauses and sighs. “My son does not like the idea of dining outside.”
Cangse Sanren is surprised: how is that a problem? He can eat his dinner inside, like the Wen kids and Wei Changze are doing actually. Heck, even inner disciples who are staying for the night will eat inside, he can probably join them, they would be happy to have a young master by their side. Maybe that would make them feel less threatened by Meng Yao, too. She says so, and Yu Ziyuan sighs like her friend.
“He is supposed to get to know A-Li better,” she complains.
“Besides, I can't let go his every whim,” adds Madam Jin. “They are still children, but they are also young masters, he has to understand he can’t be impolite with them and refuse to eat by their side for some stupid reason!”
“What are his reasons?” She asks, because deeming it stupid without knowing seems very bad.
Wei Changze after all, said his reason to break were stupid; but she found it very distressing and worrying. It’s often a matter of perspective.
“It’s dirty outside!” Answers a voice from behind the closed door. “And there are insects everywhere and they’re going to end up on my plate and I will eat them by mistake and I will throw up and I don't want to throw up! Mom please, I don’t want to, what’s worse; not dining with them or throwing up on their shoes? Please! I don’t want to throw on Yanli’s shoes!”
Madam Jin’s face hardens as she knock on the door again:
“Don’t you dare blackmail me, young man!”
“I am not! It’s the truth mom, I promise I can't help it!”
“What is it with throwing up?” Cangse Sanren asks, worried.
She remembers a kid in the village of Baoshan Sanren’s mountain who acted like this too. The little girl had been refusing to eat her vegetables, and her father said she was not allowed to get up from the table before she finished her plate; she stayed from lunch to dinner in front of the whole village (because of course her father chose a public banquet to do his parenting show). It lasted until she threw up and was excused to go; after that it got out of hand and she started throwing up regularly every time someone forced her to eat something she didn’t want to. Is that the same kind of problem? Baoshan Sanren had to step up and check the girl’s meridians every once in a while, because of course such behavior did a lot of damage to her stomach.
The story seems to alarm Madam Jin a whole lot, especially when Cangse Sanren explains that the trouble was still very much there when she left the mountain (she hopes the girl is alright now, and that she managed to grow up fine). Yu Ziyuan is the one to clarify the mess though:
“Apparently the young master throws up regularly when he tries to eat food he deems dirty.”
Hm. That’s quite a trouble a bit different than the one she knows but not so much.
“You know young master,” she tries to talk to him through the door. “The food we serve is very clean. Do you want to check the kitchen to see for yourself before it is served?”
There’s a silence that could be considered as an answer itself. Then a tiny, tiny voice:
“Can I?”
Yu Ziyuan gasps, very offended at the idea that some ones might think that, and Madam Jin is no better she frowns and states to her son;
“Zixuan, it would be very rude to imply such a thing to your host!”
Which is not helping at all , thinks Cangse Sanren annoyed. Parenting is complicated enough why must they mix it with stupid politics when they barely know what to do already? Talk about creating more problems! Of course, their reaction causes Jin Zixuan to withdraw again and he answers with an angry voice:
“It doesn’t change anything, even if it’s clean, it won’t be if an insect falls into my plate!”
Which is understandable logic.
“There’s no insects during winter, it’s too cold.” Argues Yu Ziyuan
.
“It’s not true, I saw plenty!” Argues back Zixuan.
Which is true, unfortunately, Cangse Sanren loved the carved pond in Lotus Pier that allowed the water to remain at the perfect temperature for the Lotus. So of course when they got snow she tried to recreate the idea everywhere; in their clothes with Yanli’s help, but also on the wooden terrace...And now, probably because of her action, there are insects coming up earlier than they should. Very few, but still some.
Fortunately she has the perfect excuse to ease the boy still, thanks to her wonderful husband!
“It won’t happen, young master, do you know why?”
“No?” Asks the little voice, unsure, behind the door.
“Because every meal in Yunmeng is spicy! And insects hate spicy food, so they avoid it at all cost, plus they won’t even bite you because it makes your blood spicy too! The spicier the dish, the more protected you are from them!”
She even adds, a little bit too enthusiast:
“And you know how when you clean a wound, it stings? Well that’s the same with spicy food, it stings because it cleans everything in your mouth!”
She is not sure it is the truth but if it’s the dirtiness the problem, surely the kid will listen to that argument. She is sorry for the tastebuds of the young master, but that’s the only thing she could think of at the moment. That, or wash the food with soap in front of him. Which one is better?
Before Yu Ziyuan or Madam Jin can say anything about her bullshit the door opens and Zixuan gets his head out, he almost looks cute when he asks:
“Is it true?”
Which apparently makes Madam Jin reconsider, Cangse Sanren seizes the opportunity, and flies low to be at eye level with the kid.
“Yes of course. And you know everyone has a mat where they sit, so there are no insects.”
“Everyone? I won’t be an exception?” He turns to his mother and looks down.
Aw poor little boy, she can’t help but coo. And apparently so is wavering Madam Jin’s heart.
“You are the Jin heir, you are allowed to be an exception.” She says.
“Besides,” Yu Ziyuan points out. “isn’t being allowed to eat inside when everyone is outside an exception too?”
“It’s not the same.” Zixuan insists, and Cangse Sanren relates because one situation allows him to be an exception without being seen, while the other is being an exception among them. She is shameless but that doesn’t mean she is not aware of how it works. Zixuan adds to his mother: “But you said I couldn’t be an exception because they’re all sect heirs here!”
“I…”
Cangse Sanren is reassured to see she’s not the only mother who bites back her previous words in front of their confused child.
“Jin Zixuan, now that the matters is over, let’s not make a fuss over it.” States Yu Ziyuan coming to the rescue. She offers her hands to the boy but he eyes it as it is dirty again. Madam Yu swallows back her anger again and finally simply points out the direction. She focuses on their win instead; that somehow they managed to get Jin Zixuan out of his room and willing to try to eat outside. As Yu Ziyuan leads the boy by the to the place he is attributed. Madam Jin slows down to walk besides Cangse Sanren.
“Thank you for helping,” she whispers. “I…” She hesitates.
She doesn’t need to say it aloud, between mothers they can fill the blank; the poor woman doesn’t know what to do with her son’s affliction. She wonders if it’s not the first time he causes such a scene.
“It’s okay, I understand. And I apologize if your boy develops a liking for spicy food in the future!”
“As long as he eats.” She finally says, defeated.
So it’s that bad, huh?
“I’ve tried everything, being firm, being lenient, bribing him…”She confesses.
Then you arrive and you find a way on the first try , she thinks hard and jealous, yet still more relieved than angry because her child’s well being is her first priority. Because, for the first time in years there’s hope to get around this trouble he developed without him being ostracized or her being hated for it. The tiny part of her that hopes to get back the boy she left with his father before that damned trip is dying a little more after every meal. She grieves for her son, the one she remembers and loved; that returned changed without any explanation. It doesn’t mean she loves this one any less, (she is even afraid he might think that way, as she tries again and again to cure him) but her affection for him is tainted with guilt. She just wishes she knew why and where she failed to protect him, and how to fix this. Because she can see that his troubles are making him unhappy, just as much as she is.
“Don’t worry I get it all wrong when it comes to my kid’s troubles!” Laughs Cangse Sanren, dryly by her side, not knowing how much her words sound familiar. “I’m only good when it comes to other’s kids apparently!”
Madam Jin offers her a sad smile, compassionate. Still, thinking about A-Ying makes Cangse Sanren realizes she better do something if she doesn’t want Jin Zixuan to come back to her and accuse her of lying like A-Ying does.
“I will be back!”
She flies above the courtyard and thinks of her plan. Back on the mountain there were a lot of bugs, she never minded them (if she minded bugs she would not be able to stand the life of a wanderer ,or traveling on a Donkey’s back) but some children when they arrived on the mountain for the first time did. She remembers one senior in particular who hated it so much he used to put a fish net above his bed. He had been a fisher’s son before ending up orphan on the street and being picked up by the immortal, and while he couldn’t very well become a fisher on the mountain, he did find another way to use his knowledge. He had made a special net; which was so tight that the fish he would catch with it would be too tiny to be worth a meal but perfect to stop mosquitoes. She certainly didn’t have time to make a net like this on the spot, and she is sure no one at Lotus Cove has such a weird net. But there is a cultivation spell that is similar to this one, a golden cage that is supposed to protect whatever is inside from outside harm. Can she somehow make it work similarly?
After a couple of tries, a modified golden silk barrier appears all around the courtyard, she tests the link and adjusts it several times. She thinks it’s still too large to be good enough when she spots a tiny insect flying right toward the light and burns itself to the crisp.
Okay, not the original plan but she can go with that. As long as it works after all! She is such a genius sometimes, even her failures work! (Surely if Yu Ziyuan could read minds she would push her into the river so her head would get back to a normal size).
When she sits down next to the Madams she catches their puzzled stares and shrugs. The children don’t seem to care about this whole set up — not even Jin Zixuan. Apparently he refused to eat Jiang Yanli’s soup and both A-Ying and Jiang Cheng decided to ask for more soup to comfort their sister. They slurp the whole meal so fast and immediately pull out their bowls for a second (or third) serving. Jiang Yanli is too happy to oblige, especially when, curious about such a scene, another sect leader asks to have a bite too.
It takes Lan Zhan to ask for a serving too ( supported by Lan Huan and protected by Wei Ying from the crowd of children), for Jin Zixuan to reconsider and ask for one too, blushing. Jiang Yanli smiles so brightly he has to look away. Cangse Sanren doesn’t miss the way his eyes light up when he takes the first spoon of soup either.
Ah! Romance~ She thinks dreamly. She wishes Wei Changze or her were good enough at cooking to have such wonderful memories, but the best they have is them making a contest of soup with leftovers on the road. The one who made the worst one won. They never got a winner because her meals were awful, but Wei Changze’s ones were like magma. It’s a silly game to choose what’s worse between being sick to death or burned to death.
In the middle of this turmoil, no one noticed how Nie Huaisang transferred all the food he didn’t like from his plate to every other kid’s. Radishes for A-Cheng, chili peppers for A-Ying and gods...Did he just put his salad on the top of Lan Zhan’s food?
This kid is going to go far, she thinks amused.
She is even more impressed when Nie Huaisang takes a bit of meat out of his mouth that apparently isn’t to his taste, and puts it down in his brother’s plate without being noticed. The guts! It’s fairly disgusting too…
She should probably say something, especially since Granny Wen gives candy to children who finish their plate at the end of the dinner, and that Nie Huaisang is the one who earned the most of it with his devilish plot. Is he planning to live on candies and sugar alone, though?
Anyways, the dinner is doing fairly well. Yu Ziyuan asked her about her new invention; the tracking device for children, and she has been eager to show him her progress. She got the idea the first time when A-Ying ran away.
“You know I didn’t find a way to trigger the tracking reaction. I was stuck at this until Yanli arrived with her food. Then I thought; hey, why not make it work like that? Then I realized it could only work for a short time after the consummation of the said food and if they ate it. But then I thought, hey what about powder? If I make powder and then throw it at them, then put some powder on the talisman and asking to track everything that has the same powder on it by wind spell-”
“Is that why you floured your whole quarter?” Asks Yu Zuyuan, her eyes narrowing.
“Possibly.” She admits. “How much trouble am I in, if it is?” She asks afterward.
Apparently, not so much. Yu Ziyuan simply sighs and looks at all the children she floured. They then spend a very fun time commenting on their children’s antics, changing subjects with Madam Jin. Cangse Sanren is delighted to see how Yu Ziyuan acts with someone who has been her friend since childhood.
“How come you’re so tender and kind with her but not me, you’re making me jealous…” She
whines when Yu Ziyuan laughs at Madam Jin’s complaint about her husband. She never laughs at her jokes! (Okay maybe she is unfair, Yu Ziyuan does laugh sometimes.)
“As if you could be jealous.” Simply answers Yu Ziyuan with a smirk.
“I can! I am !” She swears even though it’s 70% faked, there’s still 30% that's real!
“Then it’s pay back.” Yu Ziyuan shrugs.
“I’m so hurt, you even compliment her, all I get is “then perish!””
Madam Jin snorts.
“It’s the advantage of the years. She told me to perish many times when we were young too.” Promises Madam Jin.
“I did not.”
“You shoved me into the river saying “then drown,” that’s the same.”
“You pushed me first.”
“It was the game.”
“And I won that game.”
“ I won. I pushed you first.”
“ I was the last one standing.”
Cangse Sanren laughs until she is out of breath. Apparently she just has to wait for ten years or so before Yu Ziyuan’s “then perish” turns into “you’re not so bad” and then finally, after another couple of years, “I would die for you but if you ever say it aloud I will kill you myself.” But she is surprised when at the end of the banquet, Yu Ziyuan stops near her and states:
“I will try to say nice things to you too.”
Aww, she is trying , Cangse Sanren can’t help but tease.
“Be careful you might pull a muscle by doing so! Let’s start slow; only one nice thing for every ten bad, okay?”
“Just drown.”
Yu Ziyuan pushes her into the nearest pond and flees with the tiniest smile on her lips. Cangse Sanren is completely astonished for a short very short moment — then she remembers that she is the queen of the troublemakers and no way she is going to let Yu Ziyuan win that game!
“A-Ying! Avenge me!” She screams.
A-Ying sees his mother in the pond and fearlessly rushes to Yu Ziyuan, but he is not strong enough to shove her back too, even if A-Cheng and A-Li join his effort. They push and push and Yu Ziyuan doesn’t move even a inch. All she has to do is send one glare at the bunch of kids and warns:
“If a single one of you ends up inside this pond,” she warns, “I will have you sleep the whole night in your wet clothes.”
They all flee and are caught one by one by Yinzhu and Jinzhu.
What a mighty army, despairs Cangse Sanren.
“It’s time for bed,” the twin maid says. And it’s true, they are nearing 9pm. Some servants are cleaning the dinner area while others prepare baths. Lan Huan and Lan Zhan are completely out of it already; Lan Huan had moved to his little brother’s side when he seemed to be disturbed by the crowd once again, right after dinner. Cangse Sanren finds them curled near one another on the eating mat, with A-Ying’s cat in the middle. Lan Juan is trying to find a way to take them both to bed without waking them up. To each their own troubles apparently: Madam Jin has her hand full trying to make Jin Zixuan say goodnight to Jiang Yanli, and Yu Ziyuan is currently dealing with not one, but two very sugar high boys. Nie Huaisang apparently shared his prizes with his best friend...
Cangse Sanren is surprised to find Nie Mingjue waiting for her. She almost forgot her promise to him. But apparently he didn’t, and he holds Meng Yao’s wrist firmly as if he is scared the little disciple will run away behind his back. Though, she finds no animosity between them, unlike earlier.
“You’re soaked!” Nie Mingjue points out.
“Yeah that’s what happens when you try to fight the Violet spider!” She warns him in case the teen tries to run away to Yunmeng on his own once again.
He doesn’t seem impressed, on the contrary, even a little bit too enthusiastic at the idea of fighting anyone.
Cangse Sanren sighs and takes Meng Yao on her knees after she used a talisman to dry off.
“I suppose I’m bringing you back to Yunmeng.” She says. And the boy blushes and says stupid things about going back on his own. Which is big rubbish, it’s already dark outside there is no way she is going to let a tiny boy like him go on a trip that takes four hours by foot! In the dead of the night! She leaves him no choice.
“I kind of want to see how Fengmian is doing too,” she says, to make the boy feel less guilty about it.
She gives her son a goodnight kiss before going (even though she is fairly sure he won’t be sleeping when she comes back because he rarely falls asleep at nine) and he brings back her spiritual ribbon.
“Thank you sweetheart,” she says as she ties it up back to her sword. “Be a dear and don’t cause any trouble, okay?”
“Me? Trouble? Never!” Grins A-Ying with the most innocent — and fake — voice ever. He looks so much like his father that she can’t help but pull him into a tight hug.
“Just don’t set anything on fire and let our Lan babies sleep, okay?” She kisses his temples as he giggles.
He doesn’t promise anything. She sees how he looks at Jin Zixuan, with his narrowed eyes, scratching his nose. It’s like looking at a mirror. He is up to no good. So she reminds him of the first rule of the troublemakers:
“It’s okay to pull pranks, but nothing that will make someone cry, okay, A-Ying?” She whispers, trying to gather all her parenting power into one heavy glance. “Nothing involving food or dirty things on this one!”
She knows how tempting it can be, to pull a prank when someone’s weakness is so obvious. But she would be very disappointed in her son if he made the Jin heir cry using his fear against him. Joking is okay, but not hurting. A-Ying frowns, stares again at Jin Zixuan, and grumbles:
“Why? He made sis’ sad.”
“Because it’s like dogs for you.” She says, and understanding passes through A-Ying’s features. She adds: “And because you don’t make people sad as retaliation, that’s not how it works. Only cruel people do that, and you’re not cruel, A-Ying, I know that. Right?”
“I am not.”
But he grins, showing his mother he remembered what truly matters in this lesson:
“No dirt or food pranks.”
Her little troublemaker. She is so proud of him. And sincerely hopes she will not come back with a furious Madam Jin asking for her head. She likes it better on her shoulders. Though it would be quite fun to be able to throw it at people like a ball if it could be cut without her dying in the process.
Meng Yao is a little bit stiff when Cangse Sanren lifts them up on her sword for the first time. It must be his first time on a flying sword. He gradually relaxes, and even looks like he’s getting some fun out of it after some time.
“Did you have a good day?”
Meng Yao nods with a big grin, then seems to realize he did and tries to hide it, which honestly breaks her heart. Wei Changze talked to her about Meng Yao’s situation before collapsing but she had so many things to think about that she did nothing before today. She is glad it’s not too late to make him feel welcome.
“I can’t believe young master Nie and Lan are so kind,” the boy whispers. “They kept asking me about what I thought and...They liked my ideas when I shared them.”
“Oh? What ideas?”
It is a good move, she realizes, as Meng Yao starts to tell her what the three of them came up during dinner. She is not part of the sect, out of the hierarchy, maybe that’s why he is not so stiff and reluctant to share it with her.
He talks about the book problem of course; and how common people are not allowed to get cultivation lessons, and how it is detrimental to sects in the first place.
“I said why not make the book a test?” He tells her. “Isn’t it possible? With Talisman paper, you teach the basic skills to feel the spiritual energy in the book, real ones; not lies...And then you make some kind of paper test on it where you have to guide through spiritual energy the right way, like we do during meditation lessons? And then if someone does it right it alerts the sect who wrote the book of the new student’s position and they can go and recruit them!”
He beams. “Lan Huan liked this idea very much.”
“Lan Huan?”
Meng Yao blushes; “I mean first young master Lan.”
Honestly Cangse Sanren doesn’t mind at all, she just teased him. She would rather think about his wonderful idea instead; it is quite smart! And honest. She likes it. There are several obstacles to this, first talisman paper is not cheap and so making a book with it would be hard. Second, how to alert the sect of a new disciple? Her handy spell to track children is far from perfect and completed and it would not work here. She cannot flour every area! (Except if the book is a trap and it flours its owner when they succeed, that would be super funny, actually…) Maybe if she used a map on talisman paper, and linked some points with bells...Hm. She likes it. She likes the challenge! She is going to test that theory one day!
It seems the three kids spent a good dinner time imagining the world anew. She used to do that a lot when she was young too, with her martial brothers and sisters. But they had been secluded from the world; unable to do anything about it, so her comrades stopped doing that before they reached their teens...And she...Well she got off the mountain. She regained the habit the one year she spent around Cloud Recesses, with Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze, though. Only there, she loves her husband but he is a bit pessimistic about society and without Jiang Fengmian to give them an hopeful insight, such conversation turned depressing way too quickly to be enjoyable on the road. So of course she encourages Meng Yao to continue his story, and he continues to marvel her with ideas. There’s nothing as great as a child’s point of view about adult’s problems. To them everything is simple and easy!
He shares with her the one idea Nie Mingjue liked the most;
“There're a lot of villages where cultivators are never there to protect them, can't the sect build some lookout point everywhere? That way people would go there to ask for help and-”
There are several problems with this: first, the same problem as before with localisation and means to send messages/warnings to each other...But also some territories are not under any sect’s supervision or worse, under several. And they are rivals, they would not like to share their prey. Look-out places like this would surely help people and even rogue cultivators, not only sects.
“It will help,” insists Meng Yao. “Just like it helped Wen Ning and Wen Qing’s clan!”
He is right. She thinks of the inn. Cangse Sanren will talk about Jiang Fengmian — and maybe Wei Changze about it — because if someone can make it come true without offending anyone, it’s them. She grins at Meng Yao: such a good recruit! She doesn’t know how the boy managed to get such a good understanding of how politics and sects works in only a week's time when she herself struggles to understand. And he is even more curious about it; he asked her why the Lan clan had elders, but not the Jiang sect for example. (And she had no fucking idea; she should probably ask Jiang Fengmian, but she is scared ff she reminds him of that he would try to have his sect get Elders, and elders fucking suck. She talks from experience).
Anyways Meng Yao is smart; very smart, and his ideas are not half bad.
“It’s a good plan,” she says, going back to a more secure subject than elders, like some lookout towers. “Did you think of it when we rescued Wen Ning and Wen Qing, or have you had this in your mind for longer?”
Meng Yao blushes again and admits, a little bit reluctantly, that he thought of that for the longest time already.
“Mother and uncle got sold to the brothel because their village was far away and had been wiped out by bùluòs.” He confesses.
Mother rarely spoke of it, he had to learn it from auntie Sisi. He isn’t even sure it was bùluòs, he just guessed from what she told him. Though even there it’s second hand information; auntie Sisi isn’t from the same village as mother and uncle. She was sold by her parents to the Madam. So she didn’t witness the attack at all but simply had been mother’s confidante since they met in the brothel.
“And you thought of a way to prevent that from happening since then?” She asks.
He hums, neither confirming or contesting it. It’s a touchy subject, she guesses. She doesn’t get why it is, when it’s such a kind and generous reason. But she decides to drop it so the boy feels more at ease.
The boy and Cangse Sanren talk about what if’s, and how to make the cultivation world a better place, and how to turn his unrefined kid’s idea into a reality, all the way to the city of Yunmeng. When they arrive, the banquet is still going on, every sect leader is discussing around the table, lanterns floating around the terrace that was built on the river.
As she lands, Cangse Sanren suddenly remembers her promise to Wei Changze to stay the hell away from Jin Guangshan. And all those nasty rumors about her and Jiang Fengmian and his harem.
Meh, I'm sure I can manage one conversation without causing a diplomatic incident, she thinks; and then drags a shy Meng Yao to the pavilion.
Notes:
Next chapter is a bit more serious ; i know i said there would be mostly kids in this conference but i need to advance a little bit more the plot u-u So next chapter is...Jiang Fengmian's pov...And...Wen Ruohan! Surprise, surprise. And also a lot of political bullshit.
Chapter 57: Sect Leaders's bickering
Notes:
Hello there=D I hope everyone is doing great ^^...I Am officially on vacation tonight *evil laugh* It's time to write **
Also does anyone knows what's up about wangxian+fan ? Every one seems to leave a message for them, are they okay?
Previous chapter summary --> Nie Mingjue foudn out about Meng Yao's fake cultivation book and was outraged by it. Determined to correct this wrong (especially since the book seemed to be from Qinghe) he convinced Meng Yao to talk to the Nie Sect Leader for him (since Meng Yao lived at Yunmeng and that nIe Mingjue was stuck at Lotus Pier). Cangse Sanren offered to escort the boy home and make sure he could to just that. After that decision, Lan Huan, Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao ate dinner together, and bonded over this fake book, recreating the world to their taste and sharing ideas on how to improve it. Good ideas that she could exploit for the Jiang, discovered Cangse Sanren, on their way to Yunmeng. The banquet was a great opportunity for everyone, not only for the boys triad. As Cangse Sanren convinced Jin Zixuan to eat with the other and helped him overcome a little bit his phobia, to Madam Jin's great relief. The three women, Madam Yu, Madam Jin and Cangse Sanren also surpringly enjoyed their time together. Maybe it is the start of many friendship, as Jiang Fengmian had wished.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wen Ruohan is angry over his lack of control. An emotion he was used to by now, as he had been feeling that for over a decade now. The burning rage started when the volcano on Wen territory erupted and caused his mighty land to suffer, the fire settled into his skin when none of their allied sects accepted to help. He is now nothing but a furnace of resentment.
The Wen Sect leader had plans for this conference — he wanted to enter the city at night, as the last sect, in order to impress the common people with fireworks, lighting the whole area as if it were still day. But a messenger from Lotus Pier caught up with his delegation on their way to Yunmeng and told him about the Dafan mountain’s incident. He had to arrive earlier in order to speak with Jiang Fengmian about it and settle for less than grandiose entry. He hated that.
He also hates the platform on the river that was built for the conference, and the dais — all on the same level — he had been invited to sit on. Is he not the Chief cultivator? He should at least have a special chair to sit on so people could understand his position at first glance. But right now, he hates most of all the man who smiles in front of him: Jiang Fengmian.
Rumors had been spread throughout the year about that man. Whispers depict him as a shameless husband who invited his lovers to live under the same roof as his wife and children, even accepting a bastard. Heck, some even go as far as stating he is debauching respectful people, and convincing them to participate in his harem. The farther you go the more astonishing the rumors get. Wen Ruohan does not care about such things; people can stick their sword in whoever they want for all he cares. He plans to stick his actual sword into real people and not in a metaphoric way so... Yeah, he is not really one to talk. However, he does not appreciate Jiang Fengmian’s new found reputation as a future warlord. Some say he is building an army. This one rumor is way more intriguing. Others affirm he is simply raising his defense. But defense against what? Who? In the middle, others think he is building a new way for Sects and common people to co-exist. None of the three is good news for Wen Ruohan’s plans.
Months ago, Wen Ruohan would have judged the Sect Leader as mild at best, weak at worst. Interesting at the very least; always in the background, never looking like he was fighting — but now that Wen Ruohan thinks back on it, the man still manages to get his way during negotiations. Always. Now he doesn’t know what to think of him. And he hates that.
Jiang Fengmian explains to him camly that his Wen branch family had been slaughtered, and that since his Sect was closer, he rescued them. Wen Ruohan wonders for a moment if the Yunmeng Jiang Sect uses this as a cover story, if they massacred the branch family to test their new warlord strategy.
“All adult cultivators were already dead when we arrived. We buried them according to their family rites, but if you want to check on their bodies, they are in their ancestral burial ground, accessible. I asked their relatives not to seal the coffins until after the conference. The one’s with medical knowledge also made a report over the deadly injuries your relatives sustained. Those reports are sealed of course.”
Just as he finishes, servants parts and let one man come closer; he is wearing civilian clothes but in the color of the Wen Sect. Wen Ruohan does recognize him, vaguely, he had been the keeper of the temple in the mountain. The man bows and hands him sealed documents. He assures that no one but Wen touched it, and that he kept it close until he could deliver it to the Sect Leader.
“I will also send you one with my own disciples’ observations.”Jiang Fengmian adds camly, as two servants pour them tea and the civilian is urged away by the Wen delegation.
The fact that he buried the Wen cultivators already instead of waiting for Wen Ruohan to manage it might show that he has something to hide; but not with certainty. Seven days had passed since the incident. Apparently, the region suffered from a disease not long ago, burying the dead quickly to avoid another disaster is a logical move. Plus the fact that he is giving Wen Ruohan the chance to check on the injuries his dead family sustained shows that he is either innocent, or very confident in his ability to cover his act. Wen Ruohan promises himself that he’ll talk to that civilian and compare the two reports very carefully.
“Some of the survivors, those who needed to be healed, are currently residing at Lotus Pier. The remaining family, civilians, are still on the Dafan mountain, reconstructing. I would be happy to give them the help they require, if you’d allow me.” Resumes Jiang Fengmian, not at all impressed by the silent response he is getting.
What will this act of kindness cost me? Wen Ruohan thinks, bitterly. Because no one helps his rival for no reason. He learned this lesson years ago.
Their so called allied sects invaded the Wen Territory, years ago, they killed the Xue Clan before his father managed to make a deal with them, causing the Iron Piece they were moving at the moment to be lost on their land. Which caused the volcano to awake, to the spiritual energy to diffuse through the land and a great starving. And did any of the Sects confess their crime of trespassing, of killing? Of course not. Did any of the Sects propose their help to feed the Wen’s people? Like hell they did, they watched and probably felt contempt to see the mighty sect falling from graces. Some even seized the opportunity, like the Jin, to establish awful trade deals between them. Well, when Wen Ruohan sat on the throne, he promised himself to not let them laugh any longer. He built up his sect reputation, rising to the top once again despite the odds. Using demonic cultivation to cure his territory had not been very efficient, enough to damage-control the iron piece from poisoning the land further, but enough not to cure the land or quelm the volcanos. The Iron Yin piece will turn the tides. People said that the artifact is dangerous. And it is, surely, everytime he holds the piece and tries his new cultivation skills, he can hear voices, ghost, fake promises. Books said it has more control of its owner rather than the other way around. He can believe that. But Wen Ruohan is the best cultivator in this generation, while most of the Sect Leaders cultivate only to the 4th pillar, he almost reached the 5th, making sure he would live in theory for at least a thousand years; he is the closest to immortality of them all. This kind of stupid warning should be kept for mediocre people, not for him. With his new found knowledge of resentful energy and the artifact, he will be able to find the one that had been lost on his territory that fateful day, and remove it; allowing his people to prosper again. And when I do, you will get a taste of my revenge.
“I allow you. I will pay for the expenses this requires.” Wen Ruohan says with a smirk. He will not say thank you or imply that he is redevable to his colleague, like courtesy would dictate. He will not put himself in this position ever again. On the contrary, he will make sure the Jiang Sect looks like a subordinate of his, merely accomplishing his order.
If Jiang Fengmian is aware of that and angry, he does not show. He has a much thicker face than his wife. If he had any plans to put the Sect Leader in his debt, he does not use it either. He does does not state a price, though, simply nodding like he understands. Like he is at Wen Ruohan’s order. The Sect leader smiles: at the very last this one knows his place.
“Then it’s a deal.” Agrees Jiang Fengmian. “I understand that you are very fond of stories of night-hunting, do you want to know what happened to your family, then?”
Wen Ruohan frowns. He is pretty sure this is a come-back for the one time he summoned Cangse Sanren out of the blue to Qishan; but it is said with such a gueguine expression and humble tone, that one could be fooled. You’re smarter than I thought. Wen Ruohan stares at the man, instead of the procession (The Nie Sect had just entered Yunmeng now, entering with their their stupid sabers and strong build, impressing the masses, he knows who is more threatening between those fools and the politician at his side right now). With a lay-off comment he clarifies one point:
“I am indeed, though my cousin’s family ar — were — mere healers; I doubt the monster was hard to deal with and hence make an entertaining story. It is unfortunate that it attacked them rather than stronger cultivators from my sect.”
If the Yunmeng Jiang Sect slaughtered his people and hid his misdeed behind a night-hunt, Wen Ruohan wants them to know that they attacked the weakest of them, isolated and unfortunate non-fighters that pledged to only heal and not kill. There is no honour in defeating them, and if he dares try his luck on a real combattant he will meet his doom.
It is their fault for living so far away from Qishan, Wen Ruohan still thinks, bitter. This branch of family has been installed there for more than a century, though and are not ones that ran away during the famine. Wen Ruohan's uncle exiled himself there on his own to avoid a succession war and let Wen Ruohan's father ascend to the sect leader's position. So they deserve at least some respect. Your sacrifice will help me restore our Sect’s honor, he promises their spirit. It is truly unfortunate they all died; they were good healers. Not the best — those are in Qishan, by his side already — but they had their use. Their semi-nomad way of life was practical, as he could assign a healer to most of his night-hunts thanks to them. Besides, now Wen Ruohan will have trouble finding someone like his cousin willing to work on Golden core research while being totally unaware of how Wen Ruohan will use it in his conquest plans. The fewer people know about your strategy, the less chances you have to be betrayed, he learned from his past mistake. He won't end like his father.
It’s still manageable. He will just have one of the Qishan doctors work and get him in the confidence. Wen Zhuliu is capable of damaging one’s core now, it can scare anyone enough from spilling the secret. He can afford it.
“Do tell me what happened.” Wen Ruohan still says, because those are his people dying.
He is never happy to know about it; merely used to it. After all, when he sat on the throne the famine was at his worst, he had to make difficult choices right away and decide who was worth saving and who was not.
Jiang Fengmian complies, sharing with him what his sect fought and what caused the massacre with a soothing voice. As if Wen Ruohan needs to be pampered for his loss; if he is indeed saddened by their deaths, he is also more intrigued by the story. So apparently, removing the Iron Yin has a backslash too, he realizes as he listens to the tales of Jiang Fengmian. This is bad news. Very bad news. How on earth is Wen Ruohan supposed to cure his land from the Iron Yin influence, if even removing it causes disaster? It leaves him no other choice but to master the resentful energy and use it. Luckily the Iron Yin will help him understand the process, after all it was a divine artifact turned into a cursed one. Once again, he thanks the Wen family branch in his mind; if they had not suffered from this tragedy, Wen Ruohan would have tried to do the same in his territory, which would have led to a grander scale massacre. Their death saved countless of their citizens, and Wen Ruohan promises to at the very least, honor it.
But there’s also another problem...He doesn’t know if the Jiang Leader knows about the Iron piece — it is possible he does, after all, Cangse Sanren had been attacked there and that’s what led Wen Ruohan to believe the piece was close. He is not proud enough to believe no one can connect the two dots like he did. He decides to try to get more information.
But the Jiang leader is a smiling wall, he hums at Wen Ruohan’s question and says:
“We found the remains of the creatures who attacked my friends quite close.”
“You think there is a link between the two?”
“I’m not brushing off the possibility, it was, after all, the remains of a demon and quite resentful toward my sect.”
“Your sect?”
Wen Ruohan smirks; if this is where the Jiang Leader is heading, then the Iron Yin secret is safe for now. He will keep an eye on him though, just to be sure.
Jiang Fengmian surprises him when he bows to Wen Ruohan.
“It had been discovered that the demon’s birth is due to the actions of a past disciple, around twenty years ago. So It is a possibility that the death of your branch family is due to this demon, hence my Sect’s indirect doing. Will you allow me to correct my mistake and atone for this?”
Wen Ruohan is completely at loss for a short, very short, moment. Not only is Sect Leader Jiang not trying to put the Wen Sect in his debt, but he willingly puts itself in this position? He is either very stupid or he has something else in mind. Given what he knows of Jiang Fengmian, Wen Ruohan is more akin to believe the second option. He doesn’t like not knowing what he is fighting, but on the other hand, he cannot deny such a golden opportunity. The Jiang Sect is rich, and its territory is full of what his own lacks utterly: water. He thinks of what he can and will say to keep the power balance in his favor. His eyes drift on the delegation going through Yunmeng right now. The Nie are almost done. He does not like the idea of making a deal with an audience; it shows too many of his sect’s weakness. he has to be fast and smart on this.
Did you plan this, Fengmian? Is that why you asked me to be the first to enter Yunmeng and only talked about it when the Nie entered the place? So I could see the deadline for the deal approaching? To push me to rush and make mistakes?
Wen Ruohan doesn’t want to be paranoid, but the timing is too good. And he has little time to sulk about it. He takes a deep breath and hurries.
“If what you say is proven true, it would be a grave offense. Many lives were lost.”
“I am aware of this, and that is why I want to offer the QishanWen Sect its right compensation.”
Jiang Fengmian’s expression is made of stone, he does not offer any clues. For a moment they speak of a price, arguing about the loss the Wen Sect suffered: twenty cultivators, all healers. Wen Ruohan had made the mistake of stating they were weak, but he fights hard now to show they were still useful to him. By the time the Nie Sect procession reaches them, and the Nie Leader steps out of his palanquin, the deal is over. One of the rivers that goes through the Jiang Territory will be split, in order to make a new one. One that will allow Wen Ruohan to give water to one of his most remote and poor lands. Those that suffered greatly from the famine and did not recover from it still. They also agree on a commercial canal and to lessen the price of their exchange for as long as the Wen from Dafan mountain are under the Jiang’s scare. Not only that but the Jiang agrees to help the reconstruction of the village and to help the Wen survivors, as long as he respects the budget Wen Ruohan is willing to give for them. Which is less than what the Sect Leader would have spent if he had to do it himself, cut short of all traveling and moving expenses.
The Wen branch family’s death is very beneficial to Wen Ruohan. And not at all to Jiang Fengmian. Wen Ruohan doesn’t understand what’s the whole point; what does he even want? This is a mystery. This man is a mystery. Or a fool.
Or he is after the Yin Iron, and still thinks the piece is there, hence he is willing to lose a bit for the artifact. It would make sense. Actually that’s the only reason Wen Ruohan can understand. Wen Ruohan does not have the time anymore to test his theory; he will not speak of such artefact in front of the Nie Sect. But this would explain everything.
And if it is indeed the case, then...Well, all the better. Let Jiang Fengmian waste time, ressources, and energy over something Wen Ruohan already managed to get. He smiles at the thought of having one less opponent.
Another idea comes to his mind, one he has more trouble accepting. If Jiang Fengmian is indeed trying to be a warlord...Then there’s a way for Wen Ruohan to let him think he has the upper hand in the conflict while in fact, he has not. It would soften this future enemy and make him easier to defeat in due time. The idea is quite simple: let the Wen branch family in Jiang Fengmian’s guard, in a similar, implied situation of a hostage. A perfect one in addition — to the eyes of the world Wen Ruohan would pay for the expense and treat the Jiang Scet as a subordinate — but the Sect Leader could easily be coerced to think he has the upper hand, something Wen Ruohan cares about and so, some level of power over him. The downside of this strategy is that he would sacrifice his own people for it. It is not the first — nor will it be the last, Wen Ruohan is afraid. The change is that this time, it’s family.
This nuance makes Wen Ruohan swallow a bitter feeling. I will honour your sacrifice, he had promised already. It’s just that the sacrifice is not over yet. Everyone has to make sacrifices, only the weak refuse to do so. Wen Ruohan is not weak. He is the greatest cultivators of his generation of the soon-to-be-reborn greatest Sect.
The choice is easy; in the end, this emotion, guilt, just has to be disregarded.
Better them than my son , he thinks.
Because now ,the more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense: the whole attack was indeed planned. Didn’t Jiang Fengmian want to invite the young heir to the conference? He refused it and didn’t bring his sons. Mostly back then because Madam Yu had sent a letter to Wen Ruohan, asking for Zhao Zhuliu. Maybe when they received a negative reply, they decided to change strategy. They wanted a hostage to trade the Zhao kid. And since he didn’t give them the opportunity to get the Wen heir...They went for closer, weaker ones.
Or maybe he is just being paranoid. Either way, abandoning the Wen kid from the branch family seems a better end of the bargain he is making. One he can turn into a victory. Jiang Fengmian will think he has a hostage and the upperhand, and Wen Ruohan will play the part and when the fool will try to use it against him, he will kill him and destroy his sect, taking him by surprise.
“So, you said there are two children cultivators from my family that survived?”
Jiang Fengmian takes a sip of his tea as he nods.
“They are very dear to me.” Wen Ruohan says.
“We’re taking good care of them, but i’m afraid the youngest one got wounded during the attack.” Jiang Fengmian says. “As it is my responsibility, and as we have prior knowledge on how to heal such wounds, please allow the Jiang Sect to take care of them.”
“Wound?”
“Nothing life threatening, but it requires attention, and long mending. It could only be said to be fully healed once the victim forms a core.”
Oh. What a convenient excuse. Bright kids manage to form a core in five years, but slower ones could take up to ten, if they ever manage at all. He wonders if Jiang Fengmian is the kind of man to sabotage a kid’s chance to become a cultivator to keep the upper hand. He doesn’t know enough to be sure.
“And I suppose it would be cruel, to separate the two kids from one another, when they just lost their family.” He tests out.
“Sect Leader Wen is a kind ruler.” Jiang Fengmian responds.
So it is very much his objective, as Wen Ruohan suspected. Hostages.
“I will leave them to you, then. But be aware that they are very dear to me.”
And just like that, before the Sect Leader Nie reaches them, the fate of the Wen children is settled. They agreed the children will stay in their native region, and that the Jiang will take care of them under Wen supervision (a good excuse to regularly send spies there, under the cover of tutelage), they will remain there until they both form a core. Then they will return to their Dafan mountain and proceed to be Wen cultivators through and through. Wen Ruohan doubts they will come to this ever; or maybe as turned spies for the Jiang? It would be very obvious and unproductive given how far the clan is from Qishan. No, it is more likely and logical for Jiang Fengmian to keep the kids as hostages forever. He will see if he is right in a couple of years.
Jiang Fengmian on the other side of the dais, smiles too. But for a totally different reason than Wen Ruohan thinks. He would not be if he knew how the Wen Leader’s mind worked, but he doesn't, and for him, so far, the whole discussion is doing great; better than he thought it would be. He had been afraid when Wen Ruohan talked about the kids — he kind of hoped that not talking about them directly would make the leader forget about them completely. In politics, he learned, what you don’t say is as important as what you say. He tiptoed around the subject carefully, as much as he could. It hadn’t worked. But he had been prepared in case it hadn’t anyways.
He is just surprised it cost him so little. Only a river. And not for the children.
It’s a price he can totally afford. A river that is perfect too; as it will be dependent on a future-dam that will be well placed, in the midst of his territory, surrounded by loyal sub-sects and ex-head-disciples. If Jiang Fengmian wanted, he could make sure to cut the water supply whenever. Worst, the future dam plans were made to protect the whole region from flood; well handled, in a war scenario, Jiang Fengmian could do many things to Wen Ruohan’s territory. He could poison the river and make sure by closing the right dam, that none of his villages would be affected. That would be dangerous though, and too revealing of his ill-intent. Jiang Fengmian would rather go with a more subtle way; close his dams and let the whole Wen river flood, stating it’s an accident.
It would cause casualties. He doesn’t like that. But Jiang Fengmian had made peace with what he would have to give up if the Wen started a war.
Overall, he is lucky the river is enough for Wen Ruohan. He had been even willing to give the right to use the Long River in exchange for the Dafan residents. The burial mounds belong to Wen Ruohan, Yiling as well, but the river that goes through them both is owned by the Jiang, and so the place is a tricky political place. Jiang Fengmian knows that the opportunity to study this resentment-filled mountain through another path would have been too great to refuse for the Sect Leader. Is he not studying resentful energy after all? Is he not looking for the Iron Piece? It would have been a too-good-to-pass deal. But fortunately they didn’t come to that. (He hated the idea of giving a possible enemy something that could make him stronger in a way he doesn’t know well). He still had this card to pull eventually, in a worst-case scenario.
For now Jiang Fengmian focuses on this long term plan; form an alliance with the Wen clan.
If they are allies, there is no reason for the Wen Clan to attack them and destroy Lotus Pier. Even more; an alliance would give them the opportunity to get to Qishan and maybe — just maybe — find Zhao Zhuliu. It’s the most reasonable plan they came up with. It is also the most infuriating and long one.
It is hard to smile at Wen Ruohan, knowing you cannot trust him, knowing all the wrong he has done, can do, and will do. Jiang Fengmian hates it; but he hates even more the idea of letting peace be shattered.
Besides, it’s not like he is settling for this only solution. On the contrary, Jiang Fengmian is mild, his sect seeks balance. He likes to keep as many paths as he can, for as long as he can. It’s a weakness, sometimes, but also a strength, he wants to think. He can work with the Wen, faking an alliance and still manage to build up his defense and prepare the ground if his previous plan fails and he has to go to war.
For now he has to let go; the sect Leader Nie finally joins them on the dais. His arrival has been useful for Jiang Fengmian’s plan (The ill feeling between Wen and Nie is famous). He can postpone the alliance conversation for later, the conference takes several days after all, and Jiang Fengmian, for all his flaws, is a patient man.
He thinks about the timing; surely for tonight, he has dealt with enough. The next occasion will be after the race and the tournament between their disciples. Maybe more so after the tournament ; if he starts the negotiation after the race he is sure to win (after all the Jiang is the fastest sect around) he will show too much power. Proud men like Wen Ruohan do not like that. Jiang Fengmian has the advantage that he doesn’t mind appearing weak if it serves his purpose and gets him what he wants. The tournament is a better option; Jiang Sect’s deadly style has mixed results at every conference. Most of the time, they end up with a lot of disciples eliminated, enough to drag down the very few who manage to do astonishingly well. Yes. He will talk again to Wen Ruohan once the Sect leader sees that they are not a threat for him in combat.
For now, he enjoys the show and lets the conference start officially. The first day is never interesting, it’s a show of wealth. Parades and banquets that take hours. He hates that part the most he envies his lady that is, at the very least, enjoying her time with their children. Here people just gossip the latest rumors of the cultivation world, complain, and nothing is ever achieved. And as he expects, as soon as they are all reunited and starting lunch, all they talk about is Jiang Fengmian’s newfound reputation. It is exhausting.
He spends the whole lunch and part of the evening listening to it — because of course, as soon as the lunch banquet is over it is time to start the dinner one. At the very least, he sees that people did not change over the years.
The Nie Sect Leader is, as he always has been, inflexible. He states louds and clear what he thinks and allows no compromise, you either agree with him or not. Which does not boil well with Wen Ruohan’s tendencies to tyranny. They bicker about every single thing, even food. Lan Qiren, as soon as he arrives, finds a spot in the background to be left alone, simply listening to the conversation and correcting the other when truly they say something too stupid. Jin Guangshan thrives in such events, as usual. As soon as he arrives he talks about everything that is not important, giving off the impression of transparency. He laughs at a subject that bothers him and tries to look friendly while spitting venom in the most innocent way possible.
“My old friend,” he says to Jiang Fengmian. Fengmian never admitted they ever were. But he let the man accompany them at Cloud Recesses so he would not cause trouble with the lady servants, so maybe this misunderstanding is on Jiang Fengmian.
“I’m so disappointed, I heard much of the beautiful flowers in Yunmeng, and I see none of it.”
He is of course, talking about ladies, or the lack of thereof. Every servant girl is tending to the children at Lotus Pier.
“One should not expect flowers during winter” says Lan Qiren in the background — and they all know he is not being naive there — he is pointing out to the man his discourtesy while giving him a way out still.
“It’s true! Yet rumors keep mentioning it so I expected to witness some!”
He laughs and Lan Qiren whispers something about gossip being forbidden but no one listens to him. Jiang Fengmian wishes they would.
“Well, maybe our friend here found the only flower he was interested with.” Says Wen Ruohan with a smirk.
A little over five years ago, Jiang Fengmian spent the whole conference trying to get news of his wanderer friends. Cangse Sanren was at the end of her pregnancy and he had received no letter in a week from Wei Changze. So of course he tried to know if anyone here had seen them. Pregnancy was not as risky from cultivator women, as their golden core helped the healing process, but it didn’t suppress all the risks. Of course they all remembered. Of course his past behavior helped the new rumor to grow. He sighs and regrets not having some kind of time-travel-array that would allow him to kick his own pastself’s butt.
“Indeed, my dear friend Cangse Sanren, came back to Lotus Pier with her husband and child earlier this year.” He says, insisting on the term. “But she would be very much offended to be compared to a flower.”
“Really? I heard it’s a magnificent plant!” Agrees the Nie sect Leader. “But one shouldn’t have too many flowers, or he will not be able to enjoy their unique perfume anymore.”
“Is your second wife better, sect leader Nie? I heard she collapsed before the conference.” Inquires Wen Ruohan, smug. “It seems Qinghe land is very hostile to pretty flowers. They whither so fast.”
“Oh no. My second wife is well, she simply received a letter from my first wife’s brother and faked it out.”
“Ah women,” Jin Guangshan sighs. “They always think they are so clever when their tricks are so simple and easy to see.”
“I hope the letter does not bear bad news,” inquires Jiang Fengmian.
“Indeed,” adds Wen Ruohan. “It is not the return of the curse, I hope? I remember the Nie territory being especially hurt by it.”
“Should I remind you that my sister died in your territory? Who knows, it might be your land that is inadequate for flowers.”
Wen Ruohan smirks again, as if calling the Nie woman a flower was funny. Jiang Fengmian doesn’t know much about this story; he was studying at Cloud Recesses when the scandal happened. He just knows that the Nie woman showed signs of the damn curse that took so many cultivators, and fled to Qishan, only to end up being the concubine of Wen Ruohan. People made ballads about them, saying that the maiden, realizing she had only a few months left to live, decided to spend it by the side of her childhood beloved. She died only months after giving birth to the sect Leader’s first son, and the sect leader didn’t even wear a mourning sash, which killed all the tomantism of the song. Heck he didn’t even name the woman’s son his heir. Sect Leader Nie’s anger seems very legitimate from what Jiang Fengmian knows.
“Maybe you should care more about your land instead of mine, I heard you have a lot of trouble with Qi deviation lately. Should I be jealous? It is kind of my sect’s things. Maybe I should give you some advice on how to counter it? We have more experiences than you, after all...”
The tension is building up and taking a dangerous turn, Lan Qiren and Jiang Fengmian exchange a tired glance. If one is carefully trying to avoid the subject of the curse, as usual, the other is thinking hard and fast. Qi deviation, of course the matter hits too close to home after last week’s events, and maybe that’s why he can’t help but find this ominous. What a good excuse it would be, to hide the destruction of his people’s core. Jiang Fengmian hates this idea but it makes sense, and he promises himself to engage the conversation with the Nie Leader to learn more about it. Maybe he could get a city name, a place, that would help him localize Wen Zhuliu.
Because the two usual peacemakers are not doing their job, it allows Jin Guangshan to step in and declares, joyfully:
“The one we should take advice from is definitely Sect Leader Fengmian! He is the talk of the year and apparently got himself an harem! Now, my friend, do tell me how you did-”
And so, the whole discussion loops again, going back to those stupid rumors. Despite Jiang Fengmian’s best efforts it seems no one is willing to believe he does not, in fact, sleep with his best friends and wife.
The arrival of Cangse Sanren, way past nine, while they are still savoring their banquet, does not help his case.
Notes:
Thank you for reading =)
This chapter gave me so much troubles to write i got stuck on it for two weeks ToT Politics is not my forte, i hope it doesn't show i bullshitted my way through. I tried to make JFM looks cool and in his element but on the other hand WRH is so paranoid that it was wasnt' possible without falling into the 'ahahah i knew that you would know and so i did this! - But hahah, i knew you would know and then act upon it so i did this to counter it!" In the end i hope i succedded making JFM not look like an incompetent politician and Wen Ruohan relatable yet slightly (emphasize on it) getting mad already. I leave you be the judge of this overall U-UNext chapter is Cangse Sanren and Meng Yao vs Jin Guangshan and the start of a lot (lot) of troubles. I went to my dear-beta reader at the beginning of the week and screamed "fraudulent_moose I WROTE MYSELF INTO A CORNER HELP ME" and he was sweet enough to help me get out of the corner and choose a path to go for the stories among all the ones i imagined. I hope you'll like the direction i took thanks to his help ^^
I will also add some missing scenes in the companion fic ; one is about Jin Zixuan's trip with his father that caused him to be scared of dust/dirty places/food he isn't familiar with ; two other are kids fluff that i had to get rid off becaue it didn't help move the plot forward (but i loved it so i didnt' want to throw it away). How would you like it to be delivered? The same day i publish the chapter; or maybe on other? Like for example i publish next chapter on tuesday, i could publish Jin Zixuan's story on wednesday or thursday in between, and fluff on saturday or sunday...
Chapter 58: A filial child
Notes:
Hi everyone ! I hope you're all doing well ^^
This chapter is dedicated to wangxian+fan, i hope they can still enjoy the content of the show they liked. I hope they are okay and healing, away from the toxicity they encountered in the fandom unfairly.
...I'm sorry if the chapter dedicated to them is a joyous one too xo timing is my forte.
Trigger warning : Jin Guangshan is here, so all the canon package he brings with him, you've been warned from now on.
Previous chapter summary (i'm going to come back and write it better but i'm hungry and lunch is waiting for me / she promised. And then she didn't because this summary is good enough somehow) - Jiang Fengmian assured the safety of the Wen Children for the futures years to come : they will stay at Lotus Pier until Wen Ning is deemed cured and form a golden core (and if he can more). This only cost him a river, which he assured would not cause his sect harm and could even be used against the wen in a context of war. Unfortunately the rumors about him beinga future warlod and a shameless flirt travelled far and wide and he had to endure Jin Guangshan's comment about it. As the banquet and opening ceremony lingered on, with every sect leader slowly becoming drunker and drunker, Cangse Sanren arrived, with a tiny Meng Yao...Meng Yao's first meeting with his biological father is imminent, will it go well?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Changze wakes up when his son tries to climb on his bed, he doesn’t know how long his nap lasted this time. Lan Yuan told him to to note it down (so they could reduce their length in the next few days) but he didn’t realize when he fell asleep. He remembers eating with Wen Ning and Wen Qing. And thinking the little girl looked sad, and what to do to make her feel better...Then...nothing. He hopes he didn’t fall asleep headfirst into his plate. It’s dark outside now. Someone lit up the lantern in the ceiling. It must have been some time. The banquet should be over.
“A-Ying...Where is your mother?”
“She's bringing Meng Yao back home.” The boy says. Then he snatches one of his wooden-toys and runs to the other room. “A-Ning! A-Ning I found my sword so we can play the ghost general!!”
Wei Changze needs a break, but the next thing he hears is a loud “thud” followed by screams. You should have children, people say, it will make you happy . Sure it does, but it also takes all of your hope of ever sleeping peacefully again.
“A-Ying, no hitting people with a wooden sword!” He says.
“I didn’t hit anyone!!” His son answers back and Wei Changze wonders what he did, then.
He sighs and tries to find motivation to get out of the bed and deal with this.
Then the information reaches his brain. Meng Yao’s home.Yunmeng. Cangse Sanren.
His wife is in Yunmeng. Jin Guangshan is in Yunmeng too.
Get married to the love of your life, people said, it will make you happy! People are fucking liars, and his wife is on the top of the list. She couldn’t manage remembering her promise and broke it on the first damn day!
He grumbles and gets out of bed, his limbs as sluggish as his thoughts despite the urgency. His mind drags behind him like prisoners’ chains since he awoke.
Unfortunately, probably because of that, he doesn’t manage to even leave the room before getting caught by both Lan Yuan and Wen Qing. He tries to explain to them but they push him back to the bed.
“Your wife is a grown-up adult, I'm sure she will manage to not cause a disaster. Now listen to me for once and get some rest.” Lan Yuan says. Then he thinks back and winces. Wei Changze tries to use this opportunity to get back up, but Wen Qing gets in his way and her needles shine.
Who gave her that?
Lan Yuan smiles at the little girl’s action, very much like a teacher in front of his successful student. It’s him! Wei Changze lies back.
“You’re such a good assistant,” Says Lan Yuan, with a tiny bit of emotion in his tone, patting the girl’s head before resuming; “Can you keep an eye on him? I need to talk to the Madam.”
Yeah, Wei Changze thinks. Someone really needs to warn the Madam a political incident is on its way. What he doesn’t know, because he is busy thinking of a plan to get his wife out of this future mess, is that when Lan Yuan relays the message to Madam Yu...She is with her other sworn sister. And Madam Jin simply takes a sip of her tea, before stating:
“If she pushes him into the river, I’m taking an oath of sisterhood with her.”
***
As she reaches the pavilion on the river, Cangse Sanren stops and thinks back. She can’t help but feel she is forgetting something. A tiny detail. She wishes she could say that, since she forgot, it must not be important, but her memory has always been kind of shitty so that’s not especially true.
That’s only when she faces a man in a golden robe that she remembers her promises to her husband. The one which said she would not go near Jin Guan-...guang...fuck his name. The dick. Anyways, that’s quite a big misstep on her part.
“Finally a lady! I was getting desperate!” Screams the dick, raising his cup.
Her second mistake, she realizes, is coming here. Jiang Fengmian is not drunk, but all the other Sect leaders are (well, Minus Lan Qiren). So it might not be the right time to talk to them about Meng Yao’s book.
“Excuse me,” Jiang Fengmian stands up and walks to her, and his smile is just a tiny bit tensed so she knows he is annoyed. “What are you doing here,” he whispers as soon as he reaches her.
Then he must realize something is wrong when he sees Meng Yao flinch right after offering the most perfect bow ever. The boy hides behind Cangse Sanren’s floating figure, fear tainting his eyes as he watches all the important persons gathering around. Jiang Fengmian sighs and tries to put himself in front of him to cover his view and reassures him.
“Are there any problems?”
Lan Qiren is not far behind and he inquires:
“Did my nephews cause trouble?”
Like the doting uncle he doesn’t want to admit he is. She smiles and waves her hand at him, not able to resist teasing a little:
“Nothing wrong, everything is going smoothly, actually if things keep up at this pace, you and I might end up as in-laws before the end of the conference!”
Lan Qiren’s face conveys his confusion, he probably thinks she is joking, which is the privilege of troublemakers; no one knows when they’re serious. That way even the truth can be a joke itself! Anyways, she explains the reason of her presence to Jiang Fengmian quickly and then hops in the solution Meng Yao and the young master came up with during dinner. The Sect Leader stares at Meng Yao, impressed. She might have given a few hints about his ideas already and judging by her friend’s reaction it will be the first thing he will ask her to work on as soon as the whole conference is over. Okay, maybe after she dealt with A-Li’s nightmare and the incense burner. So many things to do!
“This is quite impressive, Meng Yao, and I’m sure the Nie Sect Leader will be interested to hear you but-” Says Jiang Fengmian.
The Nie Sect Leader is busy laughing loudly and it’s quite perturbing because no one made any joke at all at the table. Cangse Sanren wonders if she looks like that when she is drunk. She can get why her dear husband thought “I’m never going to end up in this state!” -especially when he was a teen.
“I promised Young master Nie,” says Meng Yao, but his eyes are not on the Nie Sect Leader, but rather on Jin Guang-ass. He seems a little bit impressed by the whole crowd, still hiding half way behind her.
“I’m sure he will understand, I will explain it. Let’s try again tomorro-” She starts.
She can’t finish because someone grabs her ribbon and she loses her equilibrium on her sword. Meng Yao yelps as he almost falls down with her, and she ends up in a pair of arms.
“So this is the so famous Cangse Sanren?”
Jin Guandick looks at her with little focus and his breath stinks. He is the one who apparently pulled the string and made her fall. He seizes Cangse Sanren’s chin with his hand and forces her to turn her neck in an uncomfortable position to see her closer. She grits her teeth. He looks at her with an appraising look, as if he is evaluating her worth.
“Sect Leader Jin!” Gasps Jiang Fengmian.
“This is indecent” Adds Lan Qiren, who is apparently better at projecting the offense into words than his colleague.
“What is indecent is the lack of women, where are we, Cloud Recess? Are we monks? Or do you want to keep all pretty flowers to yourself, Sect Leader Fengmian? Surely you can share one or two with us.”
Meng Yao is stunned, for a short moment; this is his father. The man groping the wife of his benefactor, in front of him, shamelessly, is his father. The man his mother told him about since he was a baby, insisting how great he is, and how he would adore Meng Yao the moment he saw him. Well, Jin Guangshan’s eyes didn’t even spend half a thought on him, too busy humiliating a woman that is…About to murder him on the spot, he realizes quite terrified. Cangse Sanren is smiling, but it is nothing like the sweet blinding smile she uses to show.
Jiang Fengmian freezes for a moment, awfully aware that he can’t act like a jealous lover and make him stop without enforcing the rumors further. His brain tries to come up with something, but it’s busy imagining how much this is going to blow into a political mess and be as aware as Meng Yao that if he does not step up now, there is going to be blo-
And it’s too late. Cangse Sanren’s sword drops on the ground, millimeters from the man’s hand.
Jin Guangshan yelps and pushes Cangse Sanren away like she is burning up and she falls ungraciously, exaggerating her hands’ movements to give him the biggest slap on the face by accident and elbowing his manhood.
“Oh I'm sorry Sect leader! This one is so clumsy!” She squeals.
Lan Qiren doesn’t recognize her voice at all, and for a moment he looks around as if another woman suddenly appeared in the background. But no; such a girly high pitched scream indeed comes from the troublemaker’s throat, his eyes did not lie.
Worse than that, Cangse Sanren crumbles down to Sect leader Jin’s laps and continues in this awfully fake tone:
“I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you, you just surprised me, And now I stained your pretty robe. I'm so sorry let me clean thi- Oh no, is it tea? I’m so sorry I thought it was water!”
“You idiot! It burns!”
“Let me help yo-”
“Don’t come near me you Klutz!”
The Sect Leader Nie is rolling with laughter in the background, while Wen Ruohan is giving a slight frown to the scene. Now free of any threatening pervert hands, Cangse Sanren grins, and bows, her forehead touching the ground.
“This one apologizes to the Sect Leader.”
But as she raises up, she smirks.
“As you can see, this one loss the ability to use her legs this year and has not yet found back her ability to move correctly. I am very clumsy. I hope you’ll forgive this one.”
Lan Qiren does not laugh, but he snorts, and hides it behind his sleeve hastily. Cangse Sanren turns to him, as it is the first time ever she managed to amuse him with one of her antics. Jiang Fengmian, however is not amused at all, and he tries very hard to damage-control this:
“I am sure she is sorry” he says to Cangse Sanren as if talking to a child. “As sure that Sect Leader Jin didn’t mean to make her fall from her seat either. As he wasn’t aware of that. He would never dare to touch my right hand man’s wife in front of me.”
Cangse Sanren glares at him, and for a moment her mask drops, her patience is running thin. Really, that’s what you’re going for? You’re protecting him? You allow him to grope me and get away with his hands still attached to his body? She thinks hard, alas, Jiang Fengmian is not her husband; and he does not understand what her furious stare means. Maybe he guesses but he sends her a glance back that says do not cause a war!
So she huffs, understanding at least that and plays along, putting her hands on her cheeks in a fake pose.
“Of course, how awful of me to assume such things of such a high member of the gentry. Who would dare act as such, when I am a happily married woman who is currently keeping an eye on his son. With his wife’s help, who I had dinner with and befriended. ”
Jiang Fengmian looks at her again, and he thinks seriously Cangse, do you have to make it over the top like this? You’re supposed to be subtle. She tells him to shut up very loudly in her mind. They do not have a telepathic bond but in this exact moment they understand each other perfectly.
And Jin Guangshan understands something too; despite his alcohol-clouded mind. The word “wife” must be a trigger, because his face turns white, and he scoffs.
“Of course! How dare you! I simply saw you fall and tried to catch you.”
No one believes his lie. Not even Meng Yao. He helps Cangse Sanren get on her sword again and feels the burn of his father’s stare on her.
“Is that your son?” He asks, moody. “You’re older than I thought.” He adds with just a tiny bit of an insult.
Something unpleasant grumbles in Meng Yao’s stomach and he swallows something bitter. He doesn’t know why.
Unfortunately the attention is on Meng Yao now, and Wen Ruohan’s eyes narrow.
“He seems to be doing quite well, I'm glad he recovered from the nighthunt that took your legs.”
He doesn’t seem happy at all. Fortunately Cangse Sanren waves her hands and clears the misunderstanding.
“Oh no, this is not my son. It’s a new disciple we got this week.”
“She is not my mother. My mother’s name is Meng Shi.” Meng Yao adds.
And he hopes. He hopes this is enough for his father to remember and understand. But if Jin Guangshan remembers indeed, he doesn’t understand at all. He snorts and he spats:
“Isn’t that a famous whore’s name? You take whore children into your sect now, Fengmian?”
His tone is full of disgust. Meng Yao does not even hear Jiang Fengmian’s answer, too shocked. He vaguely hears something about the rank and reputation of the sect, and honour being ruined.
“It’s one thing to accept servant as right hand man, or a rogue nobody as friend …” Says Jin Guangshan, looking at Cangse Sanren. “But prostitutes? What can you do with the son of a whore? They’re just as good as them.”
Meng Yao looks to the other Sect Leaders at the table, who are smiling and agreeing with this statement. One is even rubbing his nose as if Meng Yao stinks. It burns. It burns so much it’s hard to breath; hard to move. Hard to flee.
Cangse Sanren pats his head and makes a mess of his hair, which startles him out of his numb state.
“So what?” Spats Cangse Sanren. “He is a brilliant one, too bad he already has a mother, I would adopt him on the spot!”
Meng Yao should be used to her shamelessness, she said the same thing about Wen Ning and Wen Qing already. But it stills warms his heart to hear that, especially in front of his father. But he loves his mother; he doesn’t want another. He wants a father. And he looks again at the man, hoping again that he would take his words back, that he would be the person his mother described and listen to reason, sees Meng Yao for what he is. His son.
“Of course you do,” sighs Sect Leader Lan resigned instead.
“You would only stain your name doing so,” Remarks Wen Ruohan. “It’s a poor political move.”
“Politics is not for me.” She says.
“Women should not get into politics anyways,” mumbles the Sect leader Nie.
Jin Guangshan remains silent for a moment contemplating them both and returns to his seat. He is too drunk to keep his voice low as he remarks to Wen Ruohan:
“Nothing spoils more a lady’s beauty than brain or motherhood.”
Meng Yao feels his heart shatter. It’s what the madam of the brothel says too. That Meng Yao’s birth ruined Meng Shi. But Meng Shi always laughs it off, hugs her son and states that he is her blessing, that he saved her. Because who cares about her ruined reputation? She doesn’t want to be a prostitute forever, they are going to get out of it, then why would she need it? She has a son to take care of her in her older days, and he is the most precious boy in the world. The most filial, she insists. His mother is still beautiful, Meng Yao thinks. She is the most beautiful woman in the world.
“My mother is beautiful.” He whispers, petty and bitter and he looks at Cangse Sanren who is also insulted who is also a mother and is equally beautiful. He squeezes her hand tighter.
“Madam is too.”
Cangse Sanren lets out a little sound, moved.
Meng Yao does not take into account the enhanced senses of cultivators present. Thinking back he should have not said anything at all and knew better, but adults spent the whole day boosting his confidence, listening to him and respecting him . He forgot for a second.
How could he forget years of fear in a single day? He shouldn’t have.
Jiang Fengmian freezes again, while the other Sect leader smirk. Jin Guangshan’s head turns into his direction and he gives him a furious heated gaze.
“You should remind your disciple of his place, my friend.” He says to Fengmian. “In my sect such comments would have earned him a beating. One should know their place.”
“And what is this place, for you?” Growls Cangse Sanren, definitely too pissed to care.
Jin Guangshan looks at the bottom of the river, and a shiver runs through Meng Yao’s spine. Jiang Fengmian says the most uncordial words that ever went past his lips too:
“I do what I want with my sect. If a disciple is talented I don't see why I should not teach him.”
Then he turns to Meng Yao with a patient yet strict tone:
“Cangse Sanren is not a madam. That title is for my lady. You cannot call her that.”
“Isn’t how you treat her?” Jin Guangshan remarks. “That’s what rumors say. And obviously what this...boy, thinks. If even a kid sees it, no wonder she will get ideas and interrupt such an important banquet. You don’t keep your ranks clear.”
“No need to be embarrassed, Fengmian,” smirks the Nie Sect Leader. “This one obviously has the same flaring personalities as our Nie women. We’re all men here, we know how ladies can be...”
“Oh yes because this banquet is obviously so important. Can I ask what you are talking about?” Says Cangse Sanren. “Who you want to bed? Are you making a list of which woman is the most attractive like teenag -”
“Cangse Sanren.” Warns Jiang Fengmian, his tone is harsh.
She bites her lips but her face turns purple from anger. She doesn't have time to add anything as Jiang Fengmian turns to his fellow Sect leaders and states firmly:
“I apologize on the behalf of my friend. ”
“Fengmian!”
“For her rudes and uncourteous words, and her clumsiness.” Jiang Fengmian adds. “But I do not apologize for her interrupting the banquet. She is allowed to do so. I put her in charge of protecting the young heirs in Lotus Pier. Her interrupting the banquet could have meant that one of your sons needed help. And instead of listening to her we humiliated her-”
“You didn’t humiliate me, the-”
“And slandered the messengers. This is very unbefitting of our ranks. But maybe the Jin and the Jiang sects have different views on that matter, as they seem to have on many subjects, like women, disciples and such. Maybe it would be better, if I may say so, to stop judging each other’s decisions regarding how they lead their sect as our principles so fiercely oppose another. It should not hinder our commercial or professional agreements as we are both reasonable adults, aren’t we?”
All sect leaders present are stunned. Cangse Sanren stepped out of her choked daze just enough to stick a tongue at them. It earned her a pinches from Fengmian. (Did he have eyes behind his back? did it grow at the same time as his backbone?) Heck, she knew he had balls but she hadn’t expected him to put them on the table in front of all his colleagues.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I will inquire what our children, the future of our sects, might need. I will see you tomorrow, enjoy the rest of the banquet.”
Cangse Sanren frowns all the way back as Jiang Fengmian hurries them out before she kills someone. Lan Qiren goes back to the banquet, obviously trying to change the subject.
“I will talk to Nie Leader on your behalf, Meng Yao.” Jiang Fengmian assures them as soon as they are far enough to not be heard. “But not tonight. I...You’ll have to clarify some points with me tomorrow. You and young master Nie will have to tell me more tomorrow morning before I leave. Maybe...Maybe even write a letter instead.” Then he turns to Cangse Sanren and frowns: “Do not come back here.”
“I do what I want,” she says by reflex, and then sighs. “Sorry. They put me in a bad mood...Thank you for defending me in the end.”
“I...I will need to mend that.” He sighs.
He did not talk without thinking and told the truth without being — he hoped — too offensive. But he still stomped on everyone’s pride there. It was necessary, as the sect leaders were downright rude and insulting his scenes and contesting his every decision and he did not speak out because of anger — or at least not completely — but the problem is still there. Even if they can’t fault him for his words, they will remember it and be irritated.
Jiang Fengmian goes back to the Sect, to Lotus Pier, once Cangse Sanren brought Meng Yao back to the red district (he can’t go there without making the rumors blow up). So he lets them go and waits for them at the entrance.
Meng Yao’s fist curls on Cangse Sanren’s robe, and can’t help but think in his fuzzy mind, that maybe, it’s what is happening to him too. He tries to find his father's excuses; after all he was drunk, everyone can be silly with too much alcohol. He is trapped in a loveless marriage, with a wife that he obviously doesn’t like and instead fears, he adds. He doesn’t know Meng Yao is his son.
But drunkenness does not excuse everything.
The disappointment doesn’t fade away despite his argument. Maybe that’s why he stays silent, as Cangse Sanren flies next to him, heading for the brothel. He is trying to convince himself, and so he is deep in thoughts until he turns back and see Cangse Sanren sticking her tongue at him and making such a silly face that makes his brain stop working.
“Come on,” she mumbles, not breaking her silly face. “Give me a laugh!”
He doesn’t, he blinks instead. He is not sure he would be able to laugh now, judging how heavy his whole chest feels. It’s weird because earlier, as he traveled on her sword, he felt light-headed and so happy. Where did this feeling go?
He knows where. But he doesn’t want to point fingers at his father. He doesn’t want to…
It’s stupid, but he hadn’t wanted to think of his father that way, even though now it makes sense. After all he bought his mother’s company. Of course he is like the men he sees every night in the brothel. That doesn’t mean he is all bad, there are good ones among the bad here too. It’s just, he thought cultivators were more. That they stand above these kinds of flaws.
He just thought seeing his good side would be easier too. Now he fails to find even one.
“Okay, I know the scene was pretty shocking,” Sighs Cangse Sanren when she sees all her efforts are for naught. “But you’ll get to see them another day and say what you have to say, don’t worry. We just arrived at a bad time. And with the bad company. It’s my fault, I tend to rub people the wrong way. Next time you’ll be with Fengmian, it will be easier. Sect Leader Nie is a fair man, he will listen once he is...you know...Sober!”
She doesn’t talk about Jin Guangshan and it distresses him. So, he dares to ask.
“What about Sect Leader Jin? Is…” He hesitates, it’s like his throat has merged with his heart, beating and hurting. Words are hard to get out but he forces himself to smile still because he can’t afford the weakness.
“Is he always like that?” Guesses Cangse Sanren. “Pretty much, unfortunately. I don’t know him a lot, but Changze didn’t want me to get close because apparently he can’t keep it in his pants.”
She pouts.
“He talks a lot about Fengmian’s rumors but what about his reputation? Everyone knows he has a bastard in every city. Talk about a hypocri-”
Meng Yao’s heart plummets to the ground. His cheeks hurt as he tries to keep his face smile up, and his eyes sting. He knows he won’t be able to keep the appearance up at this rate, especially since Cangse Sanren is very pissed and determined to show it. She doesn’t know. Meng Yao has only himself to blame that she doesn’t but it still hurts like hell; he only ever heard good things about his father, ever. He is not sure how he should react without being rude to his benefactor or unfilial toward his father. He…
He gulps and tries, very hard, to convince himself that it can’t be true. After all, rumors about Jiang are not true, why would his father’s reputation be?
But he saw how the man pulled Cangse Sanren’s ribbon and caught her right into his arms, how he groped her breast in the confusion. He heard him request for more women with his very own ears. He witnesses his utter disgust toward Meng Shi and Meng Yao. It is hard to erase, especially the way he talked about keeping one’s rank. How such a man would ever accept a prostitute, let alone with a child? When he obviously thought the place of such a boy is at the bottom of the river.
It hurts how much he doesn’t want to believe it. He shouldn’t have expected anything, he thinks, he should have known better. But then the second wave hits him and he realizes that his mother does not; has hope and is pretty sure Jin Guangshan is a good man. Their savior. She has to, because the other explanation is that his mother lied to him, gave him false hope, and she would never. This idea is even worse than his father’s betrayal.
It’s what makes his mask fall down, apparently.
“Meng Yao? What’s wrong sweetie?”
Cansge Sanren stops and faces him, with a worried frown. He realizes he has been crying too late when she rubs her thumbs on his cheek. He sniffles. No. No. He can’t let her know why he is crying. She hates Jin Guangshan. How could she not? She will hate him by extension. His place is not secured in the sect, he still does not have a golden core, she is his benefactor’s wife! Who will Wei Changze be more inclined to protect? Of course the man would choose his wife over Meng Yao. He is going to be kicked out!
So he hiccups as he conjures all is strength back to say:
“It’s my home!” He points to the first brothel he sees, it doesn’t matter. “Thanks for bringing me back. You should not enter, it will make the rumors worse. Thank you, see you tomor-”
She seizes his wrist before he can flee, and she is surprisingly strong.
“What’s wrong?” She insists.
Everything, he wants to scream to her. His father is not what he was promised, maybe he has more than one brother apparently, and the cultivation world is not as kind as he thought. He should have known.
“I’m just tired.” He says. It’s not even a lie.
Cangse Sanren thinks it’s because he played all day long, and relaxes. She wishes him to rest well and ask him to take care. She even reassures him again that she will talk to Nie Mingjue and make sure the boy is not angry at Meng Yao. And she lets him go even though she obviously is worried about his tears.
“Don’t listen to his words. You’re valued here at the Jiang Sect. You’re talented and you have good ideas. No one should listen to Jin Guangass! Who cares about what this man thinks?” She says before he runs away.
It doesn’t help because he cares. He cared.
Of course when Meng Yao comes back home (the real one) Sisi notices his state. She cannot tend to him as she is with a client but he should know better than she would find a way to still do something.
“What’s wrong A-Yao?”
Meng Yao tries to keep his head straight as he enters his mother’s room. He hoped that she would be busy in the main room of the brothel with Sisi, entertaining guests with music or art, but he should have expected that today, nothing is going according to his plans.
And of course, his mother sees through everything too. Maybe Sisi told her, but she would have seen it anyways. Meng Yao is very; very proud of his poker face, he is able to smile politely through the Madam’s scolding, through the clients’ harassing words, through almost everything life throws at him. Not today. And not under the scrutiny of his mother’s worried glance. As soon as she looks at him the lump’s size in his throat doubles, stings like he just swallowed needles, and before he knows it he lets out a pathetic sob, fat tears rolling on his cheeks. Meng Shi opens her arms and pulls him in her embrace immediately, her chin resting on the top of his head and his hands patting his back to rub the words out. He wants to ask her why she lied about father, why she believed he would accept him when obviously he doesn’t think much of him, or her, or anything. But he can’t. Because he knows that it would hurt her, that she thinks that father will free them one day.
And that is what crushes him most of all; if father is not willing to help, then what are they going to do? How is Meng Yao going to help his mother out, how is he going to get out of this life, even? She is spending all her money on books in order to raise him well, she is betting all she has on his future. And now Meng Yao has none.
He has no father and he has no future too.
He feels like a candle in a hurricane.
“Who hurt you?” Meng Shi still asks, and her voice comes out a little bit rough, as if it hurts her too.
Father.
He doesn’t know what’s worse, the utter rejection of a father he idealized in his mind, or witnessing the ruin of his mother’s hopes and dreams for a better life. He can’t be the one to bring this news to her. He just can’t. He is not strong enough for that. He doesn’t ever want to be strong enough, adult enough, and be responsible for that. So he stays silent and sniffs the words in, back, trying to control his breathing like he learned in the Jiang Sect.
It doesn’t work a lot, but he manages to hiccup a bit less. Meng Shi seems to understand that he is not going to say anything, because she looks at him with sadness in her eyes, and simply sighs. For a long time, there’s only silence between them. Then the Madam calls Meng Shi downstairs, and she bites her lips.
“I will be right back, just…Just rest.”
She wipes his tears with her thumb and leaves a small kiss on his forehead. Where the Jin mark should be. In my sect such a comment would have earned him a beating. One should know their place. He suddenly wishes he could rub the sensation off. He doesn’t want to go in such a sect if that’s true, not when he in the Jiang’s no one can hurt him. When people listen. He has spent years thinking about what he would say to his father the day he would meet, and he couldn’t even mumble a word at all. He never felt so inarticulate and dumb. He should have found words, clever ones, that would make the man understand better, that would make the man love him.
He didn’t. And now his father hates him.
He nods to his mother, feeling exhausted. It has been a long time since he had cried that much; since he had felt so hollow. Back when he was little, she used to wrap him in a blanket, and cuddle with him, hidden inside the closet. She told him stories about his father to make him smile again repeating again and again how life was going to be once his father would take him back. How the man would adore you; because how could he not, when his son was so smart and worked so hard? Surely, he would take him into a tower full of gold, where they would never be hungry, and never be afraid of anyone, especially not clients, and then he would make him a cultivator and fight together monsters in order to save more people like Meng Shi and Sisi. He just didn’t do it yet because, as a hero, he was busy. Because he had to save too many people. So Meng Yao had to use this time wisely and become the best he could be, so his father would be super proud of him, when they finally meet.
He was not. But, maybe, maybe a tiny part of him still hopes he will be.
Bunch of lies, in the end. Meng Yao is a fool. He shouldn’t have trusted these words in the first place. He shouldn’t have hoped. Hope is not for people of their station. He still rolls inside in his blanket, and hides inside the closet, but the warmth isn’t there anymore. The comfort is gone. Now there’s just anger and regret.
Who do you think you are?
He wants to say that to his father. He can’t,he knows; he is well aware that he is the whore’s son, while the man is a Sect Leader, their worth is socially accepted, he is superior while Meng Shi and Meng Yao are inferiors.
But that’s so unfair. He can’t see his mother, who gives the best hugs, who sees through his facade, who cajoled him and loved him without question, when all his father probably thought was:
What can you do with the son of a whore?
And indeed, what would Meng Yao do, now? He thinks. Now that he is just a whore’s son, with a father that just doesn’t care…?
Why don’t you care?
Meng Yao would have given the man everything and more, for him to care and love him only a fraction of what his mother promised.
“A-Yao?”
His mother is back, knocking at the closet. He doesn’t get how she could come back so fast after being called.
“Don’t you have a client?” He asks her back, his voice raw.
“It wasn’t a client, it was someone from your sect. She wanted to make sure you went home safely. Do you want to tell me why?”
Of course. Of course Cangse Sanren didn’t buy his lie. Meng Yao doesn’t want to explain; he gulps back again, and his throat hurts, he doesn't want to cry again. Once is enough, now he has to think of a new plan, a new way to help his mother and free her. Sect Leader Jiang, he thinks. Cangse Sanren, and Wei Changze. Would the Jiang Sect help him? Do they not think the same? No. Of course not, they proved to him time and time again this week that they care. That they don’t think him any less. But it hurts to think that strangers would love him better than his own father, so he pushes this thought away.
“A-Yao.” Meng Shi whispers, he can feel that she is near, patting his head through the blanket.
“Did someone in the sect hurt you?”
“No!”
Cangse Sanren didn’t tell Meng Shi the truth, and he is grateful for that, she is as good as her husband. Good enough to allow a whore’s son to learn in his sect. He curls further inside the blanket at the thought. Maybe, maybe he can bet on her, surely, she seems more reliable than his father. It makes him want to laugh and cry at the same time.
“You know, A-Yao…People like us, we can’t get revenge on those who hurt us.” Says Meng Shi, as he feels her sitting next to him; he can picture it perfectly, how she would lie her back on the wall and only her legs out of the closet. He snugs closer to her, hoping her warmth chases the tears away. He knows she will have to go soon.
There should be something he can do, so that his father at least knows he hurt them. If he can’t make him love them, can he not make him regret not loving them, then?
He knows it’s impossible; no whore can ask retribution on a Sect Leader. Ever. That’s just how the world is. And as kind as the Wei and the Jiang are, there’s no way they’re going to help him do that. His mother is right, they are at the bottom, fated to be stepped on by almost every one.
“What can we do, then?” He asks her, because it feels like it's unfair, yet again
.
“We survive.” Meng Shi simply answers, and once again her voice is raw, her tone husky.
It doesn't satisfy him at all. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. His mother resumes:
“Life is a battle A-Yao. We have to make do with the weapons we have at our disposal. But the fight always ends the same for everyone; death. All that counts in the end, is the one who stands the longest. So that’s what we do, we make sure we are the last one standing. That’s how we get revenge. Someone hurt you? Make sure you live a longer life than he will ever have. It doesn’t matter how, or if it’s more fulfilling, as long as you hold on longer than them, even if they don't know, even just a minute more, as long as you do, you’re the winner between the two of you.”
Meng Yao and Meng Shi can’t ask for retaliation. No one will dare protect them from the Jin Sect Leader’s harsh words, because they are not worth it. He can’t punch the guy without getting whipped, he can’t hurt him without being hung, he can’t do anything but what his mother said. Survive. Be the last one standing.
Would that be enough? He isn’t sure, but as his mother said, that’s his only option. His only hope right now. So he will do it. I will survive without him; and I will save mother on my own. He decides, yet again. He still doesn’t know how, but now at the very least he has a goal, it’s not a future, but it’s a start.
Meng Shi must feel the change in her son’s mindset, because he can hear the smile in her voice as she dares:
“So, what will you do?”
“I will be the last one standing” Meng Yao repeats, getting his head out of his blanket, hopeful again.
Meng Shi nods, proud and determined.
“Good.”
He doesn’t tell her about Jin Guangshan. She doesn’t need to have her heart broken too, he decides. His mother is right about him, he is loyal and filial. He will save her. It’s exhausting already; as he stares at how much work and effort such a simple wish requires. It’s terrifying. But for now he thinks about what Wei Changze told him, only a few hours ago, how it’s okay to be a child still. Since it’s the last time he will probably be allowed to be one, he savors it. He lets his tears pour and his mother lull him to sleep.
Notes:
Annnd...With that i leave you with my newest weird dream/fanfic idea...
Novel setting - 3Zun. Nie Mingjue is too late to witness Meng Yao murdering the commander on the battlefield. That means they meet again at nightless city, facing each other once Meng Yao is a spy from Wen Ruohan. The reconciliation is easier since he is less suspicious of him and actually accept the role as a spy because no witnessing actual murder / dubious work. + since he didn’t find Meng yao on the battlefield he got to talk to Jin Guangshan trying to find him and actually got to get a glimpse of JGS “i don’t care about a whore’s son” mentality a bit. When the 3Zun swears brotherhood it’s actually coming from the heart? Then MY gets invited by his father to join the sect but NMJ warns him about the mentality and if he doesn’t believe it at first, after a month he gets it. Seeing his father is up to no good, he offers to be a spy a second time to his sworn brothers. Things get a bit better but slower thanks to his work WWX and LWJ actually ends up together and the Wen go to Lotus Pier (this fic either goes Jiang Cheng / Wen Sibling or Jiang Cheng / Wen Qing / Nie Huaisang) and JGS is very very annoyed. He asks Nie Mingjue to be killed like in canon, and his demand falls exactly when Nie Mingjue is kind of ANGRY at NHS because he knows his little bro isn’t worthless but damn he tries HARD to prove NMJ wrong. What he is going to become someone capable? What will he do when NMJ will be dead? While Xichen tries to tell him 1) he is not going to die WWC is working with WQ about a cure for his saber spirit 2) try to be nice with NHS...Meng Yao gets “what if i kill you? would that work as wake up call?” and they make a plan where MY poison NMJ so he has to step up from the sect for a couple of month and leave it to NHS (which makes JGS happy and also works as wake up call for NHS)...Except problem NHS discovers that MY poisonned his brother...but not that it wa splanned and that he is working as spy to make sure JGS’s plan fail everytime. And goes full revenge mode against Meng Yao with the trickyness we, readers; know he can show. The fic ends up with a big climax where JGS is killed, Meng Yao is ALMOST killed but saved inextremisby NMJ and LXC who tells NHS “it was our plan” and NHS goes “ooooh.” drop the knife and hide behind his fan and smile “okay then sorry” and goes back painting fan. While NMG is rassure that his little brother is capable….he is quite worried that he is capable of MURDER. And the fic ends there with NHS living the rest of his life happy and alone painting fan and every one lowkey afraid of him (but loving him still xD)
Chapter 59: Kids' game
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're all doing well ! I'm here with a new chapter, full of fluff to make up for the past (and future) angst. I know i said the conference arc was nothing but happy but...My brain didn't get that. It felt like writing the first chapter of this fic all over again xD I remember sitting on my desk and being determined "this fic is going to be all fluffl slice of life and only a little bit of plot and angst" then first chapter was...Well...what it was and i ended up like "what happened???" and my brain channeled his inner NHS and went like "i don't know, i really don't know!" while my best friends smirked, knowingly in the background because they call me the monster-writer...
Anyways ! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter =D
Previous chapter summary --> Meng Yao's first meeting with his biological father was awful. Not only the Jin Sect leader, drunk, gropped Cangse Sanren in front of his very eyes (and paid the price for it) but when he heard Meng Shi's name he insulted her, and humiliated the boy, making it clear that he would never accept a prostitute child in his sect and so should Yunmeng Jiang. He didn't get that Meng Yao was in fact his bastard at all. Jiang Fengmian berated his colleagues for their behaviour, as they followed the Jin's lead in their drunkness state, but the wrong was done and the message was clear. It still hurt like hell, and the boy went back home to hide in the closet and cry to his heart content. He understood that if he wanted to free his mother from her condition he couldn't count on his biological father like Meng Shi was so sure of. But what to do? Tell the Sect the truth at the risk of being thrown out?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren comes back late, with Jiang Fengmian by her side. And worried; because despite what Meng Yao said to her, he didn’t look okay at all. Her helpful mind supplies her with the thought “Well of course he is not, have you heard what the dick said about him, his mother and prostitutes in general?” and Jiang Fengmian and her are painfully aware that all they can do to help is just...be supportive when the world is not.
Because that did wonders for Wei Changze! Both of them think without telling the other, as they part.
It doesn’t feel like enough. Heck, even if Jiang Fengmian defended his friend at the end of the banquet, he feels like he didn’t.
It doesn't feel enough for Cangse Sanren either, because for a short moment, when Jin Guangshan pulled her down and caught her in his arms to grope, she felt helpless and powerless. Trapped not only by the asshole but by her body. Unable to kick her way out. Then by social shackles and responsibilities. What do I do without causing a political incident, without dragging my friends down with me? What do I do to protect a young boy? she had thought and found no answer.
She tries to shake off the crippling mix of annoyance and fear, replacing it with anger and the urge to prank the offender.
Least to say, Cangse Sanren is happy to find Lotus Pier mostly asleep when they arrive. Madam Jin and Yu Ziyuan took care of everything (with the help of the servants). Even Wei Ying is miraculously sleeping in his father’s bed (then she looks at the moon and stars and realizes that is not such a miracle, since it’s, in fact, very late). She is less happy to find Wei Changze waiting for her in the bedroom, awake.
“Did he do anything?” Is his first question. She loves him so much for not going for the easy “what political incident did you cause again?” That’s why she eloped with him and not Fengmian (that and not loving Fengmian nor sect politics. And also because her not-husband is handsome and kind and funny...But she is getting off track.)
So Cangse Sanren opens her mouth, ready to say that the Jin Ass didn’t do anything she couldn’t handle and that she hurt him for all his attempts...But she looks at Wei Changze, who is still very sick because he lied to himself for years and decides that...the least she could do is be honest with him. So she tells him everything that happened and he is not happy at all.
“So in less than half an hour he managed to grope you, insult Fengmian and make Meng Yao cry.” He sums up.
“And insult you too.”
Wei Changze does not seem to care about that point at all, but she does. Anyways, by the end of the story, her husband frowns, rolls to the bed — where A-Ying is sleeping soundly — and states:
“I’m going to drown him in the river.”
“Not burn him with fire?”
“No.” He says, determined, and Cangse Sanren wonders if he changed his favorite way to deal with problems because of what Jin Guandick implied about Meng Yao.
She laughs and wishes him good luck with that.
“I will help you get an alibi.” She promises, knowing they both can’t do that. But it still feels great to imagine. It feels great to let her husband avenge her, it soothes her heart and the fear of powerlessness a little bit.
She pauses, then because she wants to smooch the line between her husband’s eyebrow and make him smile yet again, making him feel as comforted as she feels, she blurts out:
“Also, I talked to A-Ying, and apparently you said to our son that he can’t marry Lan Zhan, but he can have sex with him?”
Wei Changze blinks, one time. Two. He says nothing, his mouth opened wide for way too long, and then just as Cangse Sanren starts to worry, he spats:
“What? When?”
She is not thick enough to laugh about her husband’s memory now, it’s too soon. Instead she worries; did he forget that? Is his brain okay? Will he start forgetting stuff on a daily basis from now on? Just in case she clarifies:
“I don’t know? A-Ying just told me you told him he can’t marry Lan Zhan but they can dual cultivate? Do you re-”
“Yes, I did say that, but how is that anything to do with sex?” Wei Changze answers, more and more confused every minute.
Cangse Sanren gets the shadow of a doubt.
“...Do...Do you not know what dual cultivation means?” She dares asks.
“Of course I know: it’s a special cultivation path that two men or two women can do when they work in duo. The previous Sect Leader warned me about it and said I wasn’t allowed to study it with Fengmian because it’s only for people from different sects and rogues.”
Cangse Sanren can’t. She just can’t. She bursts out laughter. Wei Changze stares at her in utter disbelief and A-Ying mumbles in his sleep. It takes a too long time for her to catch her breath. Then she decides it’s too good to be clarified and she kisses her stupid, and surprisingly naive and pure, husband goodnight. Then she lies by his side, snuggles her face in the crook of his neck, puts a hand on her son’s head and falls asleep. She wonders, half awake in her dream, how much Jiang Fengmian is willing to forgive and how far her revenge prank on Jin Guangdick can go. And also if he knows about what Wei Changze believes is dual cultivation. It’s going to be so fun to find out.
It’s magic, how her dear not-husband can always replace all her worries with this silly happiness.
Wei Changze on the other side, does not fall asleep as easily as his wife, caressing his son’s back as he snores. He is confused. His thoughts are messy — foreign almost — blurred by anger, frustration, compassion and sickness. (Also what is that about dual cultivation?) But in the middle of these thoughts he can’t help but think about Meng Yao. First, why did the boy give his mother’s name? It took a long time for Wei Changze to learn it, a full afternoon! He is adorably protective of his mother and very aware of her famous name as prostitute. That is weird enough. But also the boy is not easy shaken; he is after all, a kid that came from the bottom. This is not hardship that goes through his thick skin, but kindness. He is moved by soft words Wei Changze told him, about this pee-friendship, about respect. Not insults. He’s probably heard worse things than what Jin Guangshan said in his life. His mask is good for his age (and it saddens Wei Changze a bit because he now knows what happens when a mask falls); so why would he crumble now?
It bothers him. Maybe because he is too caught in his head, or tired, but it bothers him. He has the impression that he is missing something important, evident. But his brain works slowly and he falls back into unconsciousness before he manages to guess what.
He is awakened by the sound of a rattle drum and a golden stare. A Lan boy is staring right at him, silently playing. It’s 5 Am in the morning and the Lan babies are apparently awake and kicking. He guesses that this one is Lan Zhan, since he seems as old as A-Ying.
“If you want to be my son’s friend” he mutters, “you’ll have to learn to respect others' sleep schedule.”
And he rolls back, hiding under his pillow, as he hears Lan Juan and Lan Yuan snicker. (Traitors, they are the ones who opened their quarters, his bedroom. He thought he was supposed to rest ! Why are they waking him up at indecent hours?! )
“You are not my favorite Lan any longer!” Complains Cangse Sanren too. But she still wakes up and rolls A-Ying in a blanket and leaves the bed. Lan Zhan follows like a little puppy.
“Why are you torturing me…” Wei Changze complains once his wife is out.
Lan Yuan starts brewing medicine and smirks ever so slightly:
“Because I like torturing people.”
Lan Juan starts playing like they are innocent, and her husband certainly did not admit such crime, and says:
“Not torture, healing. Recovery.”
“Same.” Wei Changze says.
Lan Yuan proves his point by giving him the bitterest concoction ever as breakfast. Apparently he can rest but only after being poisoned.
“And I intend to torture your wife too. She should be able to walk way more by now, if she had done her rehabilitation correctly.” He warns him.
Wei Changze sends his prayer to the love of his life. It seems their time of peace is definitely behind them now.
Cangse Sanren tries very hard to not murder any Lan, as she flies to the main room and takes care of the Wen children. Wen Ying yawns at Lan Zhan’s rattle drum and stares at it while the boy plays, hypnotized by the movement. She relates, it’s too early for any brain to work correctly.
“I’m sorry,” says Lan Huan, as she shakes Wen Ning and Wen Qing. “We didn’t know you woke up later at Lotus Pier.”
“It’s okay,” she says, when obviously it’s not okay. Wen Ning is mastering the sleeping-while standing (and she is jealous, she wants that skill).
Lan Huan is a smart boy he can see through the lie, so he pouts a bit. She can’t stay mad at such a cute baby. That’s when she sees he is carrying the cat in his arms like it’s a baby too. A Baby in a baby’s arms, her tired brain supplies, amused by the smallest, stupidest things. At the very least Wufa seems to be allowed to sleep in the Lan’s presence. Life is unfair.
“Is everything good A-Ning? Any nightmare?” She asks the other cute baby softly.
“Hm. d-dreamed I made a f-friend.” he mumbles, rubbing his scars.
“Is he nice?”
“Nicest.” Confirms A-Ning, then closes his eyes again and puts his thumb in his mouth. She takes him in her arms and turns to A-Qing, who is already dressed and combing her hair with efficiency.
Wei Changze told her she looked sad yesterday, and she still does today. She notices the little crust of tears in the corner of her eyes and swiftly licks her thumb before sweeping them away.
“And you? You’re good? No nightmares?” She inquires.
Wen Qing doesn’t say anything at first, and Cangse Sanren wonders if she will have to ask Yanli to be the girl’s confident in her stead. Then the little girl’s lips curl down and she whispers:
“I dreamed of my parents.”
The nightmare is waking up and seeing they’re gone, her tone implies, half broken by a sob. Cangse Sanren’s heart shatters and she can’t do anything but pat the orphan’s head with all the motherly kindness she can gather. She knows it’s not enough.
***
Jiang Fengmian wakes up later than his friend. His bed is empty, his lady already working outside. She left the room in silence and kindly let him rest way later than he should have. He is grateful for it.
He needed a good night's sleep so much; every time he gets to conference he wants to become a hermit in his bedroom and sleep for a whole month straight. But hosting the conference; after this hellish week before? If he listened to his body he would exile himself on the top of a mountain and avoid civilization for a year or two to recover from it.
He can’t obviously.
But the conference’s activities are planned for after the midday meal — to let the sect leaders and disciples recover from hypothetical hangovers. So at the very least he can enjoy his morning with his family and restore his energy and inner peace. No more wondering if they think that he thinks what he thinks they think. No more worrying over the state of the city and if it’s clean enough, if it looks wealthy and strong and not weak and attackable. Just children and their little troubles, where the worst that can happen is one of them eating a mud cake. That sounds wonderful.
He will eventually have to talk about the almost disaster that was yesterday’s Cangse Sanren intervention but oh well, that’s a problem for later-Fengmian. One that will be, if not wiser, a little more sociable.
He walks outside with the breakfast a servant girl left in front of his bedroom door and installs himself on one of the pavilions on the river. It’s the perfect spot to observe the courtyard. He can see all the children without being spotted, as they play together, supervised by the Wen woman, granny. He is surprised to notice Meng Yao among the crowd of babies.
He is talking with Lan Huan and Nie Mingjue. He can focus his spiritual energy in his ears to enhance his senses and listen to their conversation.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t relay the message to your father yesterday.”
“I know the lady on her sword explained it to me this morning before you arrived.” grumbles Nie Mingjue.
Jiang Fengmian scoffs on his tea; Cangse Sanren? Up this early? Sure it’s not as early as the Lan’s but it’s still morning. What happened? Did she fall out of her bed?
“It’s okay,” Assures Lan Huan. “I’m sure he will listen the second time.”
“Maybe if the young master Nie writes him a letter, that way I would only be the carrier of your words?” Tries Meng Yao.
“But it’s unfair, it’s your idea, not mine!” Complains Nie Mingjue.
“You can say that in your letter,” points out Lan Huan.
Smart, indeed, Jiang Fengmian approves. He had come to the same conclusion yesterday when he tried to find a solution, on the way back. He is intrigued. But he is also surprised; Meng Yao seems relatively okay. Jiang Fengmian had been afraid he would feel sad after how unfairly he had been treated. He promises himself to take the time to speak with him later, and maybe Nie Mingjue.
“Or maybe I should just get there myself and show him the book!” Nie Mingjue grumbles.
That...is not possible, unfortunately. Jiang Fengmian promised the Sect Leaders that their heirs would remain safe in Lotus Pier. It would not look good for him to go back on his words, especially after yesterday’s scene. But he could bring Meng Yao with him, he supposed. His father is a cultivator, after all, maybe he could spot him among the disciples present?
But then what? He realizes. You let him go? It has been the untold deal since the beginning, and during Wei Changze’s Qi deviation recovery...Well Jiang Fengmian would lie if he said he didn’t think it might be best to let the boy go. But it had been only that: a passing thought. And now he very much doesn’t want it, the boy shows promise. He works hard enough to impress his lady with his seriousness, he made Cangse Sanren says his idea were good... And Wei Changze liked him as his ward already. Maybe even needed it in some strange recovery quest he has to do. The kids pretty much adopted Meng Yao too. Jiang Cheng is...awfully good at protecting this one, so good it makes Jiang Fengmian proud.
It would be a waste to chase the boy away when he has such potential. To give him to another sect. But the boy’s father would be right to claim him back.
Will he be willing to accept a bastard though? A Son of a prostitute? Despite his words yesterday to protect his disciple, sect and friend, he knows a lot of people wouldn’t. Jiang Fengmian knew that he would not care; the day he first saw A-Li and A-Cheng, it awoke a part of him he wasn’t aware of, an emotion he never felt before. He loves his children more than his life, more than the sect even. There is no doubt in his mind — and one of the choices he never contested in the future they saw — that pushing them away, safe from the upcoming doom of Lotus Pier- is an act he would do again facing the same situation.
But would Meng Yao’s father do the same?
Would he accept a child he didn’t raise, he didn’t see coming from life? A child of a prostitute— how could he ever be sure he is his?
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t know, and the only way for him to get answers is to act, unfortunately, no matter how long he thinks about it. He will have to improvise on the spot and make up a plan as he goes. He hates that. He has no choice, so he will do it anyways.
It’s a problem for later, if he brings Meng Yao with him the following day, and if they find his biological father. That’s a lot of if to worry over and he is here to relax. So he pushes the idea away and enjoys his present instead.
And that means watching the kid play from afar. It doesn’t take long for the children to decide to hold a tournament of their own, since adults get to do that today but not them. Young master Mingjue is obviously the one at the origin of the idea. They are currently bickering over team formation:
“You’re on my team!” Complains Jiang Cheng, pulling on Wei Wuxian’s sleeve. But Lan Zhan is pulling back too, claiming his friend on his team too without a single word. Wei Wuxian is faking a whine:
“Sister, save me, they’re going to cut me in half!”
“You have to choose a team,” Jiang Yanli says sweetly.
“But I want to be on both teams!”
“That’s not possible! You’re my brother, you have to be on my side!” Insists Jiang Cheng. (They still have much work to do with their son’s jealousy, guesses Jiang Fengmian. But he is inherently right.)
“Why don’t we do that, then?” Proposes Lan Huan, stepping in to mediate. “We all team up with our brothers.”
Lan Zhan immediately lets go of Wei Wuxian (who smashes into Jiang Cheng and they both end up on the ground) and joins his brother’s side, gripping his ribbon’s tail. Lan Huan, sweet kid he is, helps Jiang Yanli untangle the mess that has become Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian.
Jin Zixuan doesn’t seem to agree to that idea, he says immediately:
“That’s stupid.”
“You say that because you don’t have a brother!” Growls Wei Wuxian.
“Neither do you!” Barks the boy’s back. “Not a real one!”
And Jiang Cheng lets out an offended gasp, as much as sister, they both frown. Jiang Yanli says kind but firm:
“He is our brother. Father said it was our choice and we chose him.”
Wei Wuxian’s smile is awfully smug as he looks at Jin Zixuan; “they choose me,” he repeats as he is hugged by both of his siblings. And he even tries to add Wen Ning to the hug, but Wen Qing takes a step back with her brother, making them both out of reach. Apparently she is not okay with being associated as Wei Wuxian’s sibling.
“Then you’re stupid, who could ever want a brother.” Jin Zixuan remarks, his cheek turning red with embarrassment.
He certainly does not expect the oldest among them — and the strongest kid, to answer, quite angrily:
“I wanted my little brother. I spent years asking for him.” Nie Mingjue gives the boy a shark smile.
One of the servants behind them laughs, and affirms:
“Young master kept asking for a little brother. He wanted precisely, for him to be especially small and green. And he had to smell like butter.”
Nie Mingjue blushes from head to toe, and barks back at the servant, who does not look sorry at all, while the other kids stare at him, amused. Jiang Cheng simply judges Nie Huaisang at his side.
“He is tiny.”
“I am!” Chirps Nie Huaisang.
“And he wears green!” Adds Wei Wuxian.
“I do!” Confirms Nie Huaisang with a big grin. Then he pauses and gives his brother a confused look “But papa says I’m yellow.”
Which somehow makes Nie Mingjue laugh even louder. Jiang Fengmian knows why, as he one time heard Sect Leader Nie tell the story of his second’s son’s birth. He had arrived too early and the little thing was, apparently, yellowish when he came out of his mother’s womb. Sect leader Nie always jokes about it, blaming that his older son wished for a butter-brother and gods granted his wishes.
It goes unsaid that the kid’s skin is not yellow anymore and does not smell like butter.
“I got the best little brother out there, that’s why I’m teaming up with him!” Still states Nie Mingjue.
And saying that, he puts his brother on his shoulders, not caring about the toddler taking a handful of his hair in his tiny fists.
Oh, realizes Jiang Fengmian with amusement. They are doing a cavalry battle!
The deal seems to be made, and Lan Huan pulls his brother on his shoulders too, like he weighs nothing. The boy wraps his long sleeve all around his hands, to avoid touching people. Wen Qing imitates Lan Huan. Wen Ning does not seem really eager to fight, as he stares at the place with wide eyes, surprised that his new spot allows him to see differently. Wei Wuxian tries to do the same as the other with Jiang Cheng, but the two boys are merely the same height and weight. So he gets all red and collapses to the ground in no time. Jiang Cheng laughs and tries to take his place, ending in the exact same state only a couple of seconds before.
Jin Zixuan smirks at them. Both boys growl back.
“Let me help…” Proposes Jiang Yanli with a smile.
After a bit of a discussion, It is decided that Jiang Yanli is allowed to play so she can stabilize Jiang Cheng on Wei Wuxian’s back.
The only one left is Jin Zixuan, who is turning slowly redder and redder. It’s the moment he spots his mother. The woman had been heading to Yu Ziyuan’s ex-office room.
“Mother, I want a little brother!” He says to her.
Jiang Fengmian has a lot of respect for Madam Jin, as she is barely moved her boy’s words. He would be reduced to a blushing mess in her stead. Instead the lady simply scoffs back:
“Well I want peace and quiet, yet do I get it?”
Jin Zixuan scowls but he doesn’t have the time to continue his whim. Yu Ziyuan steps out of her quarters, and drags her away. Jiang Fengmian notices that the twin maids are already making tables behind his back; despite the fact this is not the place he usually eats. In a matter of minutes, his lady and her friend join him and sit, with a knowing smile.
“Good morning to you too, husband,” Yu Ziyuan smiles.
She puts on his plate a dose of medicine for headache. It’s only seeing it that Jiang Fengmian realizes he has one, and that might be the reason why he feels so sore. He smiles back.
“My lady, I'm pleased to have your company.”
“I hope so, you were hard to find.”
The twin maids smirk, they are probably the one who spotted him and indicated his position to his wife. Not that Jiang Fengmian complains about it. He is a little bit less amused to see Madam Jin sitting next to them too, but Yu Ziyuan accepts Wei Changze at their table every day, surely he can handle a couple of times with her sworn sister too. He just merely wished he had more alone time before he had to be social again.
“Good morning, Madam,” he says, and she answers the same, politely. It doesn’t take long for them to spot the perfect view they have on the children. Jin Zixuan is still pouting among them. Yu Ziyuan grins:
“That was a good come back. Do you always talk to him like that?”
“Only when he makes stupid demands. I don’t want him growing like his father, thinking he can have anything he wants even when people say no. Especially to women.” Madam Jin answers without an ounce of hesitation. “He is the future Sect leader, he has to learn to make compromises and understand when something is never happening.”
Jiang Fengmian agrees wholeheartedly with her, but her words worry him also. Wei Changze had been right about Jin Guangshan; his flaws only worsened with time and power. He told his lady about yesterday’s incident at the banquet, and he is sure she told her best friend already, maybe that’s why she is so tense over the matter. And he cannot blame her. After the man’s words, he is glad he listened to his best friend, and that all the servant girls are working here, helping with children, and not the conference.
The children, however, are not glad at all, still struggling with their current problem.
“How can I play? I don’t have a brother!” Jin Zixuan complains loudly.
“Maybe we don’t want to pl-” Jiang Cheng is pinched by Jiang Yanli:
“Why don’t you choose someone to be your brother for the game? It doesn’t have to be real.”
“There isn’t anyone left!” He says and looks at her angrily as if she is the one to blame for this.
Sure enough, if she didn’t have to play the third wheel to stabilize her brothers she could pair up with him. But the boy probably forgets how indecent it would be for her to be carried over his shoulders.
Then his eyes fall on Meng Yao, and the boy stiffens. He protests a great deal when the young master comes and drags him back. Jiang Fengmian can feel his lady tense up at his side and he pats her hand.
“It’s only for a game.”
Madam Jin shrugs; conscious that there’s more harm to her son not being able to play with other future leaders than him choosing someone randomly for cavalry battle. Besides, she is content with how this Meng yao reacts, all blushing and humble, refusing to get on Jin Zixuan’s shoulders.
“I should be the one to carry you, young master Jin!” Meng Yao protests. “You’re the lord…”
“Nonsense! You look like you can’t even carry your books! I don’t want to fall in the dirt because you dropped me, I'm carrying you and that’s final! Get ready for battle!”
Madam Jin is also very pleased to see her son making such a good decision. Every adult ignores how terrible Meng Yao feels right now, as the boy plasters his fake smile. Of course he is secretly pleased to be recognized by his half brother, even if it’s just for a game and he is the only one aware of the truth, but he is also very hurt. Why couldn’t it be father? He can't help but think after yesterday’s events. He is also terrified; because he is the only one aware of the irony of the situation now, but what about in the future? Just because he is angry at his father doesn’t mean he is dropping the idea of being recognized. Being a bastard is still better than being the child of a prostitute. It’s still a way to get out of the brothel. But on the other hand, he isn’t sure how the Jiang would react if they knew about his surname. And he is sure of how Wei Changze would, after his father’s actions. So is it worth the risk? What is the better option for him? To tell them the truth or keep it secret? He is not sure, and he wishes he could have more time to make his decision and not be put in such an awful dilemma before he has answers or plans. What if Jin Zixuan learns about their lineage after the conference and gets mad at him for holding this, for humiliating him? He would lose a brother, on top of a father. Apparently he has plenty of them but Zixuan is the only one he met. He doesn’t want to lose anything else. He has so little already. Yet he honestly can’t find any way this will end up in his advantage, and so tries very hard to get away from the situation...Until Jin Zixuan sends him one sad look:
“Is being my brother this awful?”
Meng Yao takes a deep breath. This is way worse. It’s Jin Zixuan being sad and angry at him now. If they start this bad, how can they ever hope to be friends — or even brothers — later? He might be angry at him in the future for concealing the truth, but that’s conditional, if he steps out now and humiliates him, it is certain. So Meng Yao finally yields and bows:
“Of course not, it will be an honour for me, young master.”
“Call me brother!”
“I can’t do that, young master.”
Jin Zixuan huffs, but does not protest — probably because he doesn’t want to look like a beggar. And also because he doesn’t want a brother that much in the first place. He is aware of the rumors about his father after all, and all his bastards. Sisters and brothers have never been said in his presence as anything but like a bad thing. Something that hurts his mother and humiliates her. It’s hard to grasp and understand, almost strange, to witness people who actually enjoy having siblings.
Wei Wuxian rushes to Meng Yao and whispers something to the boy’s ears, and for a second he is afraid he might be pranked. But then Meng Yao nods and takes off his shoes full of dirt. No one says anything, as if it’s normal. And maybe it is, after all Lan Zhan’s hands are wrapped in clothes too.
Maybe...He misjudged them all. Maybe he can play with them without being outed and an exception. And he looks at Meng Yao. Maybe, he thinks, as he helps the boy get on his shoulders, he might like having a brother. Even if it's only for a kid’s game.
Notes:
I hope you enjoyed this chapter =D
You should be able to guess NHS's baby name now, i put clues during his introduction and in this chapter. Kudo to the first one who finds it!! It will be revealed when NHS will get his first pov (which is not...so soon, first i need to get the Meng yao's drama down)
Little anecdote on this chapter ; at first it was too long so i had to cut in half. But then i got a comment from a reader saying my fic was loosing its focus / plot and it worried me. So i went back on it and wondered "is it necessary to the plot?" that + the fact i was stuck on a plot point with Meng Yao, lead me to come crying to my dear beta-reader Fraudulent_Moose...I went like "I WROTE MYSELF INTO A CORNER I NEED YOU TO READ ALL MY CHAPTERS IN TSOCK AND HELP ME PLEASE" so he did, diligently, helped clarify my ideas and...We both judged that the original chapter 60 was unnecessary. So you'll be having a missing scene soon ! WIth a true missing scene (ripped from this chapter, that takes place between the end of the Wei's pov and the start of JFM's pov)...But also the original chapter 60!!
When do you want it published? I could add one on saturday, and another on sunday. Would that be good for you?Anyways, no weird dream fic idea this time, see you next time ^^
Stay safe and healthy everyone ! Have a nice day !
Chapter 60: Pile of lies
Notes:
I hope this is the beta-read version of the chapter, i woke up at 5 AM and saw Fraudulent_Moose asked me a question on the version and we discussed while both being super tired (it was late for him and too earlyfor me xD) so let's hope i didn't mess things up xD If not i will replace the chapter by the corrected version. --> EDIT : so apparently it wasn't and we both fell asleep on the document resulting in one very eloquent moment of Wei Changze and one logic turn (with Wei Changze thinking he must tell Wei Changze). So yeah, no more writing/waking up at 5AM for me xD I'm no LAN!
Anyway, thank you so much for your comments and support, i love answering you all <3 I hope you'll like this chapter too :)
Previous chapter summary--> Jiang Fengmian enjoyed one morning of peace before having to deal with politics at the conference and troublesome adults. It did wonder to his mind to see the young masters play in Lotus Pier's courtyard as friends. Children decided to do cavalry battle, and after much fight over who teamed with who it was decided to be a brother-sister teams based fight. Which of course left Jin Zixuan alone, the only one of the gang without a sibling ; to remedy that, he picked up Meng Yao as a playmate for this, everyone, adult included, ignorant of the inner turmoil that put the boy through. Will it be for the best, or for the worst? Only future (chapters) will tell...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Changze looks at the kids playing in Lotus Pier’s courtyard, and it’s a little bit easier to breathe for a moment. When the Lan healers dragged him out in the terrace he had his doubts. And honestly who wouldn’t? The kids were up since 5AM, courtesy of the two Lan brothers, and they wreaked havoc since then, leaving little to no mercy to a poor, tired Cangse Sanren.
“I am supposed to be resting, how keeping an eye on kids is going to help me nap?” He had complained.
“Kids can understand that.” Lan Juan assured. ”And today we’re trying to reduce your nap time, so they might as well help.”
Lan Yuan had simply stared at Wei Changze, knowing the real reason laid elsewhere. And he was right; Wei Changze hadn’t wanted to get out of his room because he didn’t like feeling useless. He didn’t appreciate being surrounded by busy people and being forbidden to help; to be aware once again how ill he truly was. He is living it, no need to be reminded! He wished he could just do something, instead he was forced to sit there, in the sun, doing nothing. Well, no, not exactly, Lan Yuan had mercy and authorized him to draw. So here he was, drawing portraits of people (and especially the Wen kids’ deceased parents in a vain attempt to cheer the eldest girl up). He didn’t want to remember his own parents, but that didn’t mean he couldn't understand the need to have a souvenir of someone you loved and cared for, especially when you feel abandoned by your other relatives…
So here he was. Drawing. Bathing in the winter sun, while kids played around, a cat sleeping on his best friend’s laps.
“Poor you.” Jiang Fengmian says, quite sarcastic.
The man had been willing to share his memory of the empathy trip, in order to help his friend make the portrait of the Wen. He had to return to the conference after lunch too, (which meant now) to assist in the race and tournament, so he treasured this “down time” with children very much. Worst trouble he had to deal with so far had been when Nie Huaisang decided that playing with ink with his finger was not enough and so put some on his lips and went on a trip to kiss everyone, boys and girls alike. Jiang Fengmian wished that his everyday problems were always as bad as this one.
“Poor you. All alone in the conference, I should be there helping you.” Insists Wei Changze.
“You help me by resting and watching the kids here.” Lies Jiang Fengmian.
Wei Changze knows his friend probably wishes he could skip the social interaction and rest with them. He is probably not helping his friend. He is plotting against Jin Guangshan. He feels a bit bad about it, but on the other hand, every single thought he spends plotting against Jin Guandick is one he doesn’t spend hating himself, so technically, it’s good for him. Lan Juan said: “Resentful energy is always Yin energy, but yin energy isn’t always resentful; you have Yin energy than others, but if you focus on happy thoughts only, it allows you to feel plenty of good things. This might be able to keep the energy from turning poisonous, and you will be able to keep your body’s equilibrium.” So she allowed him to fill his head with ideas if he felt restless. He knows she has been thinking of something like reading, or writing, or drawing, something spiritually good. She even gave him exercises like “each time you think something bad, try to find something good to counter it.”. The point of good is that it makes him smile. Imagining Jin Guangshan drowning makes him smile. So it counts. By her own terms it is allowed. Blame it on her. Besides, he does plan to not get caught, so technically, if he plays his card well, it will not bother Jiang Fengmian.
“I really need to go back,” laments Jiang Fengmian, a sigh in his every breath. He had been trying to convince himself to move and return to his duty for the past half an hour. With very little success.
But this time the man actually stands up, deposing the cat that had been from his laps to the terrace. It’s for real. Wei Changze claps his hands to support his best friend’s effort and sacrifice.
“Once it’s over, I will make sure no one talk to you about politics for a month.” He promises, because he knows that’s what his best friend needs.
Jiang Fengmian smiles sadly.
“In the meantime, since you’re stuck with him anyways; drown Jin Guangshan.” Wei Changze tells him to show support.
“I wish I could! Find a way for me to do it without starting a war and I might consider it!” Jiang Fengmian smirks.
“I’m working on it.” Promises Wei Changze.
Jiang Fengmian stares, obviously wondering if they are kidding or serious, then drops the subject as some kids enter his vision field.
“Ah. Meng Yao!” He calls, asking for Nie Mingjue and Lan Huan too.
The three boys stop what they were doing — Nie MIngjue spent the last hour dragging Meng Yao from spot to spot to see how well the disciple’s memory worked. Lan Huan reciting rules and then asking it to be repeated word by word. It seems it is now their new favorite hobby. Which is good, Meng Yao had looked dejected and sad when he arrived this morning, so it might be their way to cheer him up and make him understand they are not angry at his failure.
“Yes, Sect Leader Jiang?”Asks politely Lan Huan as they come closer.
Jiang Fengmian asks them if they wrote a letter for Sect Leader Nie, one that would sum up what they wanted to say yesterday. Wei Changze has no idea when he asked them such things, but the morning had been full of kids shenanigans, after all, it’s not surprising he missed some. Heck, he has no idea where his wife, son and best friend are. Probably up to no good. He recalls her saying something about keeping the Wen kids busy so they couldn’t figure out Wei Changze was drawing a portrait of their parents. Which is probably a lie, since Lan Yuan told him he and his wife would take care of Wen Qing today, very satisfied with her as an assistant. And where Wen Qing was, so was Wen Ning. Neither does he know about the Madam, the Jiang and the Jin. But they are less likely to cause trouble, hence their disappearance is not cause of worry.
“I did!” Answers Nie Mingjue, before getting out of his pocket a piece of paper with a tiny inked hand imprint on it. Apparently Nie Huaisang helped write this one. Or at least the baby signed it.
“Perfect, I will make sure to hand it to your father and discuss it with him. It should be more effective.”
“We’re sorry we caused trouble yesterday,” apologizes Lan Huan, kindly.
“You couldn’t know, your directives were logical and wise, sometimes things just don't work the way you want,” says Wei Changze, looking at Meng Yao.
The boy’s smile does not falter; it’s fake. Wei Changze knows when he sees one. It looked better earlier, when he played with Jin Zixuan in the cavalry battle. This mask of his felt dull in comparison to the real happiness he showed there.
Too focused on this, Wei Changze misses the whole conversation Jiang Fengmian has with Nie Mingjue and Lan Huan and he is surprised to see them leave, heading for the training field. He supposes that they will join the younger disciples and their daily training activities. But why is Meng Yao staying there then? He doesn't’ have to wait long to know, as Jiang Fengmian asks kindly:
“Would you like to come with me to the conference today?”
Both Meng Yao and Wei Changze are surprised by the invitation. But the boy’s face turns white with shock; he manages to hide it with a smile fast though, and bows:
“Thank you for the invitation Sect Leader, but this disciple is very scared to bring shame to the sect like he did yesterday.”
“Ah. You will not have to worry about that, I would handle the conversation with the Nie Sect Leader as I promised.” Assures Fengmian with a kind smile. “It’s for a personal matter, didn’t you say that your father is a cultivator from a great sect? He is probably participating in the trial at the conference then, it might be a great opportunity for you to spot him and talk to him.”
It’s...Wei Changze is both amazed and disappointed by the idea. Part of him is proud of his best friend’s generous offer — he knows the man is kind, too kind sometimes — but the other part has already adopted Meng Yao, prepared a place by their side among the sect and in his heart as a ward. Though he knows it’s selfish, and not for the boy’s own good, so he swallows this emotion back. Until he sees Meng Yao’s reaction, the kid looks down as he whispers:
“Do you want me gone?”
“No, of course not!” The answer is immediate, and this time it’s Jiang Fengmian who looks shocked. He passes his hand on his forehead, obviously regretting his choice of words. Meng Yao continues:
“Is it because of this disciple’s behavior yesterday? I will kowtow for it, as long as you request it, and I will ne-”
“Meng Yao, we are not angry at you for yesterday,” says Wei Changze, in his friend’s place.
And somehow his words seem to have more effect than the Sect Leader’s. The boy’s head perks up, and his lips thins:
“Really? But Madam Wei got into trouble because of me, and-”
“Cangse got into trouble because of Jin Guangshan. It’s not her fault and definitely not yours. I do not blame anyone but him.” He assures. Maybe he faults his wife for not listening to him and forgetting her promise, but he is used to the woman he married and loves, he is aware of her flaws and resigned to it. Then, because he remembers what it’s like to be in Meng Yao’s position and to feel like he doesn’t belong, he adds; “I’m angry at him because he hurt my wife and my ward.”
“Ward?” The boy repeats in an almost hopeful tone.
Jiang Fengmian gives his best friend a look. Serious and tense. It conveys: Are you sure about this? It’s one thing to think of it, it’s another to state it, after all. Wei Changze is aware what their deal was, what he promised the boy’s mother, so he gulps it down and clarifies:
“Only if you want to, of course, I would understand if you would rather go where your father is.”
Meng Yao stays silent for a short moment, his expression unreadable. Then he bows again.
“This one thank you and Sect Leader’s generosity. If it’s alright with you, this one would rather stay here and do his duty to help the sect that took care of him, to repay his debt.”
“There is no debt. Sects take disciples for their own good.” Assures Jiang Fengmian despite the fact that it is not completely true: sects do take disciples for their own gain, but the debt excuse is used to tie them and assure their student’s loyalty.
“You don’t want to look for your father anymore?” Wonders Wei Changze.
Meng Yao doesn’t answer this question, but he shakes his head. First as a yes, then as a no, and both adults present understand that they confused the boy. Jiang Fengmian sighs, and whispers:
“As you wish, then, I'm counting on you today to keep an eye on the Nie delegation like planned. Especially the youngest one. He is rather...fussy.” He wants to ask if the boy has any information that could help him find his father, but as soon as he gets the permission, the disciple turns around and runs to join his new made friends. Maybe , Jiang Fengmian thinks, he just wants to spend time with boys around his age. After all, he is just a kid and the only ones present at the sect are Jiang Yanli and two other disciples that are not very kind with him, he knows from his lady’s reports.
Wei Changze’s thoughts take another direction.
“This is weird,” whispers Wei Changze, and it makes Jiang Fengmian linger a little bit more.
“How so?” He asks his friend.
Wei Changze hums, and mumbles his thoughts aloud, sharing it with his best friend.
Why would Meng Yao stop seeking for his father, when it seemed so important for the family before? When it’s the easiest way for the boy and his mother to get out of the brothel?
The only reasons he can think of are that either he learned his biological father’s death in the meantime...Or the boy met him and got rejected already. And Wei Changze would be eager to believe that Meng Yao searched for his father and seeked in his freetime...if the boy had any freetime. But he didn’t. He had been at Lotus Pier the whole time since the start of the conference and the single moment he got to Yunmeng it was yesterday, where he was under Cangse Sanren’s supervision and the disaster with the sect leader happ-
Oh.
Yesterday, he had been too furious — and sick — to think clearly, though. Now that he is awake and not so tired, his brain works better. He makes the connections he couldn’t. Meng Yao must be the son of one of the sect leaders he met yesterday.
Jiang Fengmian’s eyes grow wide too, as he comes to the same conclusion as his right-hand man.
It could be the Nie Sect Leader, as the man had two wives. One would think that, if the whole world wasn’t aware that the Nie first wife had been sick her whole life and thus knew she wouldn’t live long. If ballads and stories didn’t depict how she convinced her husband to find someone else, and personally found the second woman that would mend her husband’s heart after her passing. How she welcomed the courtesan that caught their eyes and asked for an oath of sisterhood with her.
So no. And while Wen Ruohan could be the father; he has never behaved like he seeked women’s attention, it was more (unfortunately for the Nie) the other way around. So hiring prostitutes? It felt very out of character.
Of course, it couldn’t be Lan Qiren, nor Fengmian. For obvious reasons. So it left only one choice, and the one who acted the worst at yesterday's incident making the boy’s reaction even more obvious. Jin Guangshan. The answer is so evident. They all know who is the most susceptible to have a bastard child with a prostitute among the current leaders. It’s him. Wei Changze has absolutely no doubt. And as the realization dawns on him, he thinks about Meng Yao’s features.
The boy looks a lot like his mother, a blessing for him, but now that he knows, he can’t help but see the likeness between the two. Especially since Wei Changze last saw Jin Guangshan when the man was a teen.
“You think he is Jin Guangshan’s son?” Repeats Jiang Fengmian aloud, shell shocked.
“I...it seems logical, does it not?”
But he doesn’t know what to do with this new knowledge. Should he tell the Sect Leader Jin Guangshan? Should he try to force the confession out of the boy’s mouth? But worse, he doesn’t know what to feel.
“We have no proof,” concludes Jiang Fengmian, as he bites his lips. “Let’s...not act upon mere ideas.”
It would be so complicated if those ideas were actually true. Madam Jin is their guest, Jin Zixuan played with Meng Yao and teamed up with him like they were brothers. (What an awful situation it must have been for the boy, he realizes in retrospect). Heck, if Jin Guangshan discovers they have his bastard in their sect he could use it against them! Jiang Fengmian can't help but pray they are wrong. For once he wants things to go his way and be easy to deal with. Once! But he cannot deny that his friend has a point.
“Try to confirm it with him, okay?” He asks his right hand man.
At the very least it will give his best friend two goals for the day; it will keep him busy and out of his depressed loop maybe. And neither job is tiring, so it might do him good. Jiang Fengmian, though, feels his anxiety go through the roof. It’s another thing he will have to investigate a bit. Maybe try to talk to Jin Guangshan, while subtle. He cannot go and asks him “hey I’ve got rumors about me being a warlord, and you’ve got rumors about you having bastards, but mine are wrong, are your rumors wrong too? Are we bro’s?”
...Wait actually, with a little bit more of subtlety...Maybe? Maybe not confirming bastards but if he at least learns if the man knows Meng Yao’s mother and sought her company once…
He winces, aware he will have to play on the rumors for that strategy to work. But if rumors could have a use, maybe it will help Jiang Fengmian stand them a little bit easier. At this point he is starting to resign himself to it and drop the fight against it. So he might as well find a way to not be hindered in his plans by those absurd lies.
“I have to go. Be careful and rest.” He says to his friend. He bids goodbye to Wei Changze and finally heads to Yunmeng to do his duty as Sect Leader, his thoughts focused on the upcoming trials, the letter he has to deliver, his negotiations with Wen Ruohan and this new trouble on his hands. I will investigate this last point tomorrow, not today, he thinks, reminding himself to be patient, and take one step at the time to avoid stumbling.
Fortunately Wei Changze doesn’t have time to spiral down into such thoughts, as Lan Yuan and Lan Juan come back to force him into his rehab exercises.
Exercises are always quite simple, it’s more mental than anything else, but it still exhausts him beyond any physical trial.
At one point, the younger kids start a game of tag in the courtyard. The older young masters are training with disciples under the supervision of Madam Yu and Madam Jin, tells him Lan Yuan. Wen Qing, who is following the healer like a shadow, whispers him:
" A-Li is trying to impress her idiot. "
And Wei Changze’s eyebrow raises up:
"Is she succeeding?"
Wen Qing hums, not sure, but Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian insist that if she is not they’re going to scare the boy again tonight with their ghost general. Cangse Sanren, who came back to make sure no one get hurt, asks;
"Ghost general?"
A-Ying grins, proudly and shows Wen Ning and Nie Huaisang as if it explains everything. Jiang Cheng takes pity on her and explains:
"We told the idiot there was a general in Lotus Pier and that he turned into a ghost and would eat people who are mean to the Jiang! And that you could hear him approaching because he hits his sword on the ground! "
“Wen Ning got the name!” A-Ying explains.
“It’s my friend,” chirps Wen Ning with a finger in his mouth, whatever that means.
Nie Huaisang starts hitting the floor with his wooden swords while making ghost sounds, by kid’s standards. A-Ying is beyond proud, at this point he gloats:
"You said no pranks with food and dirt! But ghosts and swords are okay, right? "
Poor boy. Cangse Sanren sighs, amused but still feeling sorry for the young lord. She gets now why the servant had to change the sheets of the bed in the Jin quarter. But, at the very least it gave them an excuse to all play; since they didn’t want to single out the poor master, they did laundry for every guest. Cangse Sanren always loved the scent of laundry and she finally had the occasion to live one of her childish dreams! With the help of some servant, she pulled the fresh sheets down, and put all the babies inside it rocking them until they all laughed.
Well, all except Lan Zhan, but he was a Lan, that didn’t count.
So at the very least, her son’s prank did more good than harm. Plus he followed the rules and kept his words, that’s more than what his mother did. She pats his head to encourage him.
"What do you want to play today?" she asks the tiny bunch of babies.
"Water battle!" Soars Jiang Cheng.
And before long all the kids end up in the warm pond, battling and splashing around. Cangse Sanren takes a towel, wraps it around Nie Huaisang and Wen Ning, and uses a talisman to put some air into it, so they could stay afloat no matter what. A technique she used when they taught A-Ying how to swim back then. She still stays close to them to make sure they do not get stuck backward, head into the water by accident.
“I would like very much for you to stay alive young masters!” She orders them seriously. “I managed to avoid a political incident yesterday, I would like to continue on!” She turns proudly to Wei Changze and beams: “Do you know that I was this close to becoming Madam Jin's sworn sister too? I told her about you plotting and she said she would like to hear it too! Because apparently she said to me that boiling her husband’s family jewels was a good-”
“Cangse!”
They don’t need her to curse in front of the boys again. She looks at the bunch of kids around her and laughs, putting a hand on her mouth. But the boys couldn’t care less, they ask her to make them a talisman-towel too but on a bigger scale and they gain a big mattress filled with air that somehow floats.
"We’ve got a boat! " Screams Jiang Cheng.
“If you wanted a boat, young master, we could have gone fetch you on-” Says Lan Yuan, as practical and not fun as usual.
“TISSUE BOAT!” Declares Wei Ying as he pushes his brother from his spot.
It’s the start of a battle of dominance. Which kid manages to stay the longest on it before being pushed down. Even when they are too tired and cold to continue, they still swim around it, using it as a rest spot or…
" Lan Zhan! "
A-Ying screams as Lan Zhan’s head pops out of the water and he spits a bunch of water to his face. The boy tries to splash it in retaliation but the Lan boy is too fast and immediately dives away. Jiang Cheng takes the opportunity to drown A-Ying, pulling him from behind.
The sound of laughter echoes through the walls of Lotus Pier.
Wei Changze stops in the middle of his exercise to stare at them, bewildered. It stirs something, in his chest. Something warms. The echo of a memory; where it is summer and they are surrounded by the song of cicadas. He used to play like that too, he thinks. His first summers at Lotus Cove, disciples always took pauses and played in the water too, unable to stand the heat very long. He was more often than not invited to join by Fengmian.
The souvenir brings a smile to his face. It’s the first time since his Qi deviation that reminiscing something doesn’t bring a feeling of dread and fear.
Lan Juan looks at him, and she pinches a cord on her zither.
"Focus on the sound of water," she starts with her soft voice. "The warm feeling of happiness bubbling... isn’t it very much like spiritual energy? Would it feel the same to let it spread from your meridians...Let’s try to use spiritual energy again, with this image in mind. Resentful energy is always Yin energy, but Yin energy is not always resentful, it can be nothing but happiness. Takes the time to acknowledge it, savor it, before you convert it into Yang-"
He fails and falls asleep while Lan Juan plays for him and tries to sooth him. When he wakes up, the sky is turning orange. There are no more kites flying there, nore shouts of young disciples as an arrow passes really close to one. Where Lan Juan was when he closed his eyes, there is now the cat. Wufa.
And also his son, who is showering the pet’s paws with kisses. The sight fills Wei Changze with love and annoyance. Since the kid got his kitty, never once did the little one finish his nap, A-Ying always ended up petting him awake. Actually, he did it so many times that the cat started to develop a reflex, putting his paw on the boy’s mouth everytime to prevent further kissing. It didn’t work.
"Why must you always bother your cat?" He asks his son. A-Ying smiles as he realizes his father is awake and immediately he leaves his kitty alone to jump on his father’s tummy. He is dry, which means they stopped playing in the water long ago. So much for reducing his nap time.
"Because he is the cutest!" The boy answers honestly.
"So when you find something cute you tease it?"
“And kiss it!” Adds A-Ying with a big proud grin.
Wei Changze can get the feeling as he holds his son close. Sometimes one looks at him or Cangse and he feels his chest filling up with nothing but love and contentment. Lan Juan had said to focus on these kinds of moments. It is an instruction he is more than eager to follow, and so put a kiss on his boy’s forehead. He wants it to last forever.
"Oh? You’re awake?" Cangse Sanren’s voice rings in his ears. "It’s time for you to..."
And before he knows it, he is buried underneath a pile of babies. Wen Ning, Nie Huaisang, and even Lan Zhan (though the boy tried his best to touch only Wei Ying) are put on him.
"It will help you heal faster!" His dear wife states. "I call that a baby shower!"
She is so stupid. He loves her so much. Maybe it was a good idea, after all, to spend the day on the terrace, surrounded by people and not locked in his room to sulk.
"Oh is it a new game?" Asks Lan Huan as he arrives in the courtyard too, holding a bow and arrow. He looks so happy, delighted even. And he is, indeed, he didn’t know it was possible to make training this fun. This sect is very much like Cangse Sanren, he thinks, turning every activity into a game!
"Wanna join?" Invites Cangse Sanren with a big grin. "We’re healing my husband!"
Wen Qing shakes her head in the background, rolling her eyes, as the Lan healers chuckle.
"You look more like you’re stomping on him," comments Jin Zixuan.
"It’s okay, uncle likes it," affirms Jiang Yanli, as she rushes to the terrace and finds a good spot to sit on, which is on top of her two little brothers.
Jin Zixuan stares at her like she is crazy. Madam Jin ditto’s her son’s expression, but since Madam Yu acts as if it’s normal behavior, she doesn’t say anything.
“This is a very legit way to heal,” approves Lan Juan, and that is enough to push Wen Qing to participate in this game too, apparently. She sits right between Yanli and Lan Huan and takes her little brother on her knees, hiding her smile by ruffing her face in her little brother's hair.
In the end someone takes pity on Wei Changze (or they realize he is going to suffocate under so many people, cultivator skills or not) and Nie Mingjue finds a new way to keep the tiny ones busy.
"I heard that the conference trial this year was a race, let’s do one too!"
But one with a trick, he says, and somehow that means he ends up with Lan Huan trying to bridal carry him for an entire lap, while Meng Yao has to run against him with his two pee-brothers wrapped around his legs. Jin Zixuan watches the whole ordeal and judges them from afar, clearly thinking this is not very fair (and he is right, but trying to convince a Nie he is wrong is as hard as making a Lan giggle).
It gives the recess necessary for Wei Changze to give the Wen children their gift. For now there’s only one scroll, since Wei Changze didn’t have time to make a copy, they will have to share it. But he plans for them to have their own very soon. If Wen Qing is a bit uneasy at first when she opens the gift her eyes widen. Wen Ning is more vocal than his sister for once and he smiles:
"Daddy and Mommy!" He says, as he caresses the picture with the tips of his fingers.
Before he can say anything, the eldest arms curls around Wei Changze’s neck and she gives him the most awkward hug ever. It’s tight and squeezy, like she is trying to strangle him. It’s shaking under the force of her emotions, and her voice is weak as she whispers:
"Thank you..."
It’s worth it, decides Wei Changze, rubbing the little girl’s back. Cangse Sanren, and every other adult witnessing the scene seems to agree.
Nie Huaisang, however, doesn’t get the scene at all and thinks they’re playing again, so he tries to sit on Wen Qing’s back. Once again Wei Changze ends up buried under a pile of babies. Only with different ones. Even Jin Zixuan finds a place there, and if he complains about it, as if he had been forced to do it, his face shows he has a lot of fun.
Only Lan Zhan does not participate this time, his attention focused on the race.
"I want to die under a pile of babies too!" States Cangse Sanren, lying on the terrace, and Lan Juan mimics her. Together they share the babies evenly. Lan Yuan, Madam Jin and Madam Yu sigh in front of the whole show.
“Your mother is so pretty,” comments Jiang Yanli, as the Wen kids show her their gift.
“Daddy gives the best hugs” Babbles Wen Ning, pointing to his father. “Mommy kisses ouchies and it magically heals.”
Following Yanli’s idea, they all start to ask more about the Wen parents, and if Wen Qing’s eyes are a little bit shinier as she answers them, and presses the gift close to her chest, no one points it out.
Lan Huan is the one who wins the race, and sees this scene, confused. Nie Mingjue is too delighted over the fact that he got carried a whole lap despite being bigger than the other boy! Meng Yao painfully manages to finish the race, and collapses on the ground while Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying laugh, delighted to have exhausted someone to this extent. Little devils they are.
Jin Zixuan leaves his spot on the top of the children pile to go help Meng Yao back on his feet. He hesitates a bit first, when he sees all the dirt around, but grit his teeth and still offers his hand. Even though he does run to his mother right after asking for a towel to wash it.
“This is very rude,” Whispers Madam Jin, indulging him still and cleaning her boy’s finger thoroughly with a damp towel. “Do not act like that with people from the same rank as you, they would think you think them dirty!”
“But that’s what I think…” He looks at Meng Yao from the corner of his eyes, and mumbles: “I...it’s not-”
“I know young master, I know it’s not against me, but dirt.” Assures Meng Yao with a sad smile.
“See, mother? He understands.”
“Because he is a smart boy who knows his place, you cannot expect everyone to be as understanding of your circumstances.” She still gives a thankful nod to the boy as she continues tending to her son.
Suddenly the whole action takes another angle in Wei Changze’s mind and reminds him of his earlier discovery. He has to talk to the boy, he decides.
Fortunately it’s time for dinner now, and Madam Yu is already trying to navigate the crowd of children to the right place. Wen Ning and Wen Qing move to the Wei quarter, following Granny Wen, showing her the portrait they were just gifted with pride. Granny Wen nods thankfully in Wei Changze’s direction; a silent sign of gratitude. He will join soon, but first…
“Meng Yao can I talk to you?” He asks the boy.
Lan Huan, Nie Mingjue and Jin Zixuan turn around, as if he expected the boy to join them like yesterday, and promise to keep him a place at the banquet.
“Don’t, I need to go back home tonight, thank you for the invitation,” He tells them.
They are disappointed, and they show it. But none of them understand what it truly implies; if Meng Yao goes home now, he will not get any dinner at all, as he will arrive in Yunmeng way too late for that. Wei Changze is aware they don’t mean it, if they knew they would act upon it, probably. They just live in a completely different plane of existence, where such things cannot happen; as it never occurs around them. Fengmian did that a couple of times. Ignorance is not a crime, it is merely a cause of sadness and misunderstanding.
So the first thing he does before talking is ask one of the servants to wrap a dinner in a box for Meng Yao. The kid squeezes it against his chest like it’s precious.
“How are you going back home?” Wei Changze inquires. He cannot get him back on a sword — he failed using spiritual energy again today after all. And he certainly cannot send Cangse Sanren, nor the Madam. What is dangerous for one is also dangerous for another. He is angry with Yu Ziyuan, but not angry enough to wish her bad luck.
“There’s a boat I can sneak on,” informs Meng Yao. “It will depart from Lotus Cove before night falls.”
Boat is safe. He is ashamed to realize he hadn’t thought about how the boy could go and leave at Lotus Pier everyday and still live at Yunmeng.
“Wouldn’t it be easier for you to become an inner disciple? You would live in the sect quarters…”
“I don’t want to leave my mother alone.”
Of course. Wei Changze wishes he could help and welcome his mother here too, but he just does not have the money to buy her freedom; and with the rumors going, there’s no way anyone from the sect can without making it worse. The fact that the boy didn’t ask for help also shows he is either aware of it, or not confident enough to bring it up. Or maybe that he thought he could save her by himself, or that his biological father would do it. Wei Changze should have expected this. What a filial child. Even though the boy probably cannot do much to help his mother at the brothel, he still wants to be there for her. It tells a lot about his reaction earlier and confirms pretty much Wei Changze’s theory. At the very least, the man thinks, the boy is smart enough to realize that Jin Guangshan will not accept him. If there is one good point from yesterday’s incident, it must be this one, even if it caused a lot of pain, probably.
Wei Changze sighs, and pats the boy’s head still, because...Well pain is pain. And he is only 8 years old, for gods’ sake, he shouldn’t be in this situation. Life is unfair, Wei Changze knows this truth deep in his bones. Yet why can’t he resign himself to it? Why can’t he understand that nothing he does will change it? His brain tells him to resign, but his heart refuses the order. It’s a strange mindset where he ends being on neither side and just depressed about it.
Happy thoughts, he reminds himself; following Lan Juan’s advice. It takes a while but he manages to summon the image of his wife, and how she would be furious by the whole situation. He loves her, it feels like she is able to feel what he cannot.
“Meng Yao, can I ask you something?” he dares say.
“Of course, I cannot refuse any order from-”
“You can. Meng Yao. You always can refuse orders, or you aren’t free.”
“It...Really?” There’s so much uncertainty in his tone.
They both know this is more complicated than that, that freedom is for people who have a security net. People who don’t worry about where they would be tomorrow and how they would survive. Wei Changze’s job is to make sure the boy knows that this is his case now. But it is a fight he will have to lead another day, when he isn’t exhausted, when he has arguments and points. It is a combat that will take more time to be won. Today’s fight is on another subject:
“Meng Yao, do you not want to meet your biological father?” He asks, straight to the point next.
The boy tenses and, since he has the choice, he doesn’t answer.
“It’s okay. I won’t blame you for it. I, myself, don't want to meet my biological parents,” he informs, to comfort the kid.
“Really, why?”
“Because they hurt me.”
It is true, but it’s the first time he says it aloud, he realizes. Before he said he was angry, that they weren’t worth it. That he didn’t care about them. It was true back then too. Now he could also add that they probably didn’t mean to, and that in the end it was for the best for Wei changze. Nonetheless, that’s how he had felt. Truth is a patchwork of feelings and circumstances, a puzzle, and he feels like he just found a new piece. It’s...Satisfying. This tiny bout of himself bears as much inner peace as it brought inner turmoil at first. Maybe one day he will be able to fix himself to completion, piece after piece.
His words does have effect on Meng Yao, though, and the boy whispers:
“It’s useless to see him, he doesn’t want me.”
And his voice is raw, full of pain. It’s a new wound, unlike his, it’s fresh and bleeding still. Wei Changze wishes he knew how to handle it because he suffered from it too, but he doesn’t. His wound is old and he wears it differently; his current pain comes from the realization that nothing in him is not the consequence of what he survived. How it hurts to realize that everything he is, thoughts that were his alone, parts he even dared to love, were born from the events that hurt him the most and would rather — tried so hard — be forgotten forever.
He has no idea what Meng Yao is going through. Maybe he had, once. He does not now, and that’s the problem. He tries to channel his inner child, to remember the kid he was and what he would have wanted to hear, what would have made him feel secure and okay, before he resumes:
“Then your father is a fool and you are right to not meet him. There’s a lot of people who want you here. Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, for example. A-Ying. And the Nie brothers seem to like you quite a lot. Or first master Lan…”
Meng Yao offers him a tiny smile, the fact that it’s weak and concealed shows its sincerity. It’s better than the one he shows around to hide his pain. It’s a little victory for Wei Changze. But it is not the confirmation he seeks.
“Meng Yao, I promise to not chase you, no matter what you answer me. I promise not to beat you either. Nothing will change between us, but I need to know, is your father Jin Guangshan?”
Meng Yao’s breath hitches, and he stares at Wei Changze in disbelief, fear crossing his features for one short moment. Then it passes and there’s nothing left. As if the emotion had never been there in the first place.
“I need to go. I will miss the boat.” He turns around and Wei Changze seizes his wrist.
“Meng Yao…”
“You said I was free to not answer.” The boy protests, his voice even.
And it’s true. Wei Changze did say that; if he is honest with himself he even did on purpose to create this very situation. So he let him go, he had the answer he seeked. He lets the boy run. Meng Yao is smart, how can he not know that choosing silence right now is an answer, a confirmation in itself? It’s simple; it’s because Meng Yao is a child still. Because he is scared and alone and hurt.
I will have to teach him how to lie better, thinks Wei Changze, quite sadly, as he watches the boy leave Lotus Pier. Because that’s the reaction that would have kept this secret here. Even though for now he is glad the boy does not know how to conceal the turmoil he is in, or does not want to lie to him.
He will have to learn it, in order to survive as the bastard of Jin Guangshan, whether he admits it or not. Wei Changze just hopes he will manage to teach the boy to avoid making the same mistakes as him, and how to not suffocate under the lies they tell themselves.
Notes:
I hope you enjoyed this chapter =D
This is the last bit of fluff before a bunch of chapter where we tackle fix-it drama. Be prepared =T
Stay safe and healthy, for once i have nothing to say in this end note, not even a weird dream xD it's vacation time and my schedule is basically sleep / swimming pool while reading / video games and sometimes trying to write. I'm very much enjoying it UvU (but i should write more because i'm coming to the end of my stock chapters *insert animal crossing distress face*
Chapter 61: Sworn sisters' vow
Notes:
Thank you so much for all your nice comments this week again, i'm so blessed with such nice readers ;v; You're all the best !
And i reward you with the first chapter of the conference who is starting the angst of the arc =T Sorry.Previous chapter summary --> Before Jiang Fengmian went back to the Conference, he summoned Nie Mingjue, Lan Huan and Meng Yao and asked for a letter explaining their ideas they couldn't convey the day before to Sect leader Nie. Their conversation however made Wei Changze suspicious of Meng Yao's lineage ; as the boy's behavior changed completely in that regard, way too fast to be normal. He shared his doubts with his best friend, who asked him to confirm it on his own, while he would try to do the same during the conference. As the day advanced, and Wei Changze took his time to just feel and heal, surrounded by children, he foudn the oportunity to talk to Meng Yao. The boy didn't say who his father was, but he ran away (returning to Yunmeng) when confronted, which said a lot. Now, what will they do with this knowledge, as it put the Jiang Sect in a strange spot. Would they gain an ally in the Wen but antagonize the Jin instead?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The second day went suspiciously well for Jiang Fengmian. He almost couldn’t believe it. The other sect leaders seemed to reach a consensus and never talked about yesterday’s event, all too focused on the activities. Heck, Jin Guangshan only complained about the lack of ladies every hour or so. They were all too eager to act as if nothing ever happened, which was by far Jiang Fengmian’s favorite strategy. To be honest, he still felt tired from his yesterday’s stunt and would rather give himself some time before trying again. If they brought it up again he would talk, but if they didn’t then he would enjoy their mercy. Not that he was naive enough to think it was forgiven or bothered no one; but as long as they didn’t get on the subject it also meant they had nothing to back up a revenge strike.
Sect Leader Nie was the only one who talked about the subject, as Jiang Fengmian gave him his son’s letter right before the start of the trials. He read the message quickly, frowned and scoffed:
"Quite a disciple you found! Be careful, my son might hide him in his luggage and take him back to our sect... And if he is half as smart as the letter said, I might keep him for good! Maybe Sect Leader Jin doesn’t know what to do with a prostitute’s son, but I’m sure we can." He laughed. "This book problem is worrying, though. "
While Jiang Fengmian was happy to see another sect leader who didn’t condone lying to the masses. Even if they didn’t share their opinions on women, they at least didn’t want to endanger people. Which was logical; after all the Nie were butchers, not so long ago they were among the masses, if there was one sect that could understand the cause, it was them.
The discussion couldn’t go much farther though, as the race started.
As Jiang Fengmian expected, his disciples did fairly well during the race on the river; they placed first. It had been designed this way, shamelessly. The Jiang Sect was famous for its speed, after all. It is though fairly entertaining — the goal had been simple — each sect was responsible for a boat full of treasures. Disciples were either on sword or on the boat, trying to protect their charge while fighting water ghouls and avoiding traps. The first one to get to the finish line wasn’t necessarily the winner; as both the number of people that passed the line and the amount of treasure they had, counted to. It gave the others the illusion they had a chance, he had insisted to Wei Changze. Some parts of the river were still iced, so it added another difficulty. The Wen smartly used talismans to melt whatever was in their way, while the Lan preferred to swoop the boat into the air using ropes and arm strength. Nie’s strategy to break the ice with sheer strength had been impressive, if uneffective. The Jin however had been completely lost and ended last of all. Which did not put Jin Guangshan in a good mood.
Fortunately, his men did better during the tournament, when the Yunmeng Jiang did not. It went even worse than planned; Jiang Fengmian guessed they would, since he was trying to change their martial start, to not do as well as usual, but their strongest disciple, their current head disciple, did not even manage to get in the top five!
The loss still helped his political strategy.
“As you can see, we would gain a lot from the great Qishan Wen sect, we have much left to learn,” he started the negotiation with.
It surely tamed down the rumors saying he was becoming a warlord, and eased Wen Ruohan (if his proud smirk was any clue) but it did hurt Jiang Fengmian’s ego. As he feared; despite eight months spent on strengthening his disciples arm’s strength, they couldn’t use defensive moves as well as other sects can. Of course, since the others trained since they were children! He tried to compensate by making them do kick moves…Which earned him some amused comment from the Nie Sect Leader.Though it had not been enough. What did he do wrong? What could he do to make his fighting style evolve and resolve this defense problem they had? Introducing a second weapon? But if they were robbed of it, like his wife in the nightmare, they would be even more exposed...Then, the solution hit him when Lan Qiren talked about the good old days, where they would all participate in such events themselves. He said he missed the time where he could see Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian fight together.
What about duos? If he made his disciples fight in duo, they would cover each other’s back with minimal change to their fighting style. Yes it wasn’t honorable, and it would not be useful in a tournament like this, where dueling was the norm...But it would serve his purpose. It would make them ready if war broke out, and as a bonus, would take their opponent by surprise, as they would have never witnessed this strategy during conferences!
The solution satisfied him, and he promised to start working with this in mind.
“Actually it’s my right-hand man who influenced my disciples to start kicking.” He even joked about, making the Nie Sect leader laugh louder.
“I doubt it would work on a ghost,” commented Jin Guangshan with disdain.
The fact that the Wen had won the tournament made the political discussion with Jiang Fengmian way easier too. Of course he didn’t make an alliance yet; but the ground work was done before dawn. He learned however that the Jin sect had a lot of trade contracts with the Wen already and did not appreciate having a rival, Jin Guangshan was especially sneaky as Jiang Fengmian talked to Wen Ruohan. Every excuse was good to remind everyone of his current reputation as a womanizer, or a warlord. At some point when Fengmian proposed to open a road for commercial reasons through his territory, which would purposely damage the Jin’s trade, the man even went as far as to change the subject.
"Speaking of territory, I heard of the nighthunt that almost killed your friends " and the word “friends” in the man’s mouth sounded awfully honeyed. "It was quite close to my territory. My sect had plans to check out the situation, as we had many reports stating the situation was aggravating, but if it wounded two experienced cultivators, the situation is quite a bit more dire than my reports said. Maybe I should check on it myself. I even heard that you built an inn in the region...Who knows, I might stay for the night there, wouldn’t that be amusing?"
It was a threat, a weird one, but still troublesome in Jiang Fengmian’s opinion. Fortunately the Nie, who had also been quite angry at the obvious alliance discussion between the Jiang and the Wen, stepped up and smirked:
"I’m not sure you would find it amusing, Sect Leader Jin, after all, didn’t you say that Yunmeng Jiang lacked flowers? If they do not have enough for your taste here, imagine what it would be in the countryside!...Somewhere so lost that it belongs to no one!"
It didn’t please Jin Guangshan, but Jiang Fengmian found it quite funny, and so did Lan Qiren as he obviously sipped a bit of his tea and declared that the Inn was perfectly placed between Gusu and Yunmeng, making it the perfect resting point for sword travel. Fengmian would not be surprised if his disciple family hosted Lan soon enough. Maybe the Inn business had been a good idea; maybe he could merge this with Meng Yao’s fantasy. Surely, every village needed an Inn, no matter how far, and it would help cultivators get information more easily, in addition to supervising the region. Besides, he could also give the management of the business to his poorest disciples’ family. It would help them stand on their own, but also favorise loyalty.
Overall, this conference day had been quite beneficial to him; it helped clarify his plans for the future. He was thinking just that, as the servants were preparing the dinner banquet, when Jin Guangshan, annoyed, decided to ruin the day; to Jiang Fengmian’s utter disbelief he made a comment implying that Meng Yao was Jiang Fengmian’s bastard.
It took all his self control to not spit his tea to his face, and unfortunately that meant he coughed in his cup for a long while, giving the other the time to back up his theory.
The nerves; the balls!
"We do not know who Meng Yao’s father is," Jiang Fengmian says, defending himself. "Unlike what rumors say, I do avoid such establishments. Maybe you could find out, Sect Leader Jin, after all you knew his mother’s name, are you acquainted with her? "
Fuck subtelity, apparently. This has gone too far. His remark makes quite an impact on the man, who bites his lips as if he had just tasted lemon. He had obviously not expected to be bitten back. Wen Ruohan smirks, and The Nie Sect Leader can’t help but add, amused:
"Maybe you are this boy’s father, then!"
It sounds like a joke, but no one laughs. Especially not Jin Guangshan, whose face suddenly goes white. Lan Qiren decides to start eating with an expression that shows he would rather be anywhere else in the world. Jiang Fengmian relates. But if Jin Guangshan is one thing, it’s sneaky, and he immediately goes back on his words, waving his previous argument off;
"Oh no certainly not — I do know this prostitute’s reputation — her brothel shows her off because she can read! As if it makes a woman more attractive! I’d rather avoid these kinds of women, and so should you my friend," he adds, pointing to Fengmian. "Before you know it they say they bear your son, when in fact who knows whose he is. He is from a whore’s womb, after all! They would just throw someone else's offspring on you, and abuse your kindness and generosity! "
And then he toasts to that kindness and gulps down his tea too. The topic dies down. After that the whole banquet is tense and awkward, and Jiang Fengmian drops the idea to confirm Meng Yao’s parentage. It is too dangerous, it would show too much of his cards, his doubts. He hopes his best friend had been more successful than him.
It appears that, indeed, he has been. He learns that as soon as he comes back home at Lotus Pier. Wei Changze has not moved from his spot at all, still on the terrace bathed in the moonlight now. Is it a choice, or because he is too tired to move still, Fengmian tries not to think much about it.
He sits near his friend, disciples scattering around and returning to their dormitories or home, their duty accomplished.
Now the conference is over for them, the rest is up to their leaders, they are not even forced to be there during the closing ceremony in two days. They will either resume training tomorrow or enjoy their time in the cities, as conferences brought up a festival mood amongst the commoners. The choice is up to them, as their sect leader gave them the permission to reward their good rank in the race. They salute their sick teacher and tell him about their deeds eagerly, and he congratulates them before they head to the dormitory.
As soon as no one is close enough to overhear them, Wei Changze tells his best friend how his conversation with Meng Yao went. Jiang Fengmian sighs and puts his face into his hand, saying goodbye to his one good day. It complicates everything.
"Unless we keep this secret. After all, if the father nor the son are willing to acknowledge it, why can’t it stay that way? No one has to know." Suggests Wei Changze.
“Again with secrets, I thought you were working on this with the Lan healers.”
Wei Changze hums, thoughtful.
“It’s a long term battle. I’m certainly trying to do it less, but that doesn’t mean that I should never do it again, especially when I can’t see a better solution for this…”
Neither does Jiang Fengmian unfortunately. He wishes he could; he hates feeling like this, it goes against his very interpretation of the sect’s motto. Yet it would certainly make things easier to handle for now. But they are taking the risk that it might blow up in their face and out of proportion if the truth ever gets out. Jin Guangshan could accuse Fengmian of having kidnapped his bastard and holding him against him for example ; in the worst case scenario. If — and only if — the man is willing to acknowledge his bastard. But if he is honest with himself, Jiang Fengmian would confess that it is not the man’s reaction that he fears.
It’s his lady’s. She would hate to learn he withhold information from her. That’s why he decides to tell her the very same night, as they dress for bed. Yu Ziyuan has a tiny smile on her face, as she reports him the kids’ antics during training. Months ago, she would have been beyond herself; absolutely driven mad and furious by the chaos children created. She would have tried to beat it down into submission, just like her father taught her to do with a tree, not caring about anyone’s feelings, in the name of dignity and order. Now that she met Cangse Sanren, she had embraced the chaos and learned to enjoy it. She now knows better than to go against the stream; better to let it flow and control the direction of the raging water, it allows to have fun together and to attack with more force if you need to. She didn’t lose the control she desperately needed, craved for, and maybe that’s why it is so enjoyable for her, when it had been unthinkable before.
"Jin Zixuan was impressed with our daughter," she assures. "She didn’t beat him during the duel, but she sewed something on the tips of his robe to make sure it was not stained by dirt, and the look he sent her after that...I have a good feeling about their engagement. He said he would paint her a kite tomorrow!"
The boy had looked at Yanli in awe and recognition, grateful. A look that made both madams so happy! After all it took one so long to earn it from her husband, and the other still lives without. Surely their children would be secure with one another; that was their plan all along, but such scenes made them hope that maybe they could also love each other; which is always a nice bonus.
She then proceeds to explain how Cangse Sanren and Lan Juan managed the smaller kids on their own, and that despite all odds, they caused no incident. She sounds almost proud of them. And she is indeed; she spent an absolutely delightful dinner as Cangse Sanren told them what happened last night with Jin Guangshan, and how she " pulled a Lan Juan " on him (such a good expression, that dragged the Lan lady into the conversation). Her best friend already knew as Yu Ziyuan reported her husband’s words, but still wanted to hear Cangse Sanren’s side. Madam Jin had been furious at first and then so amused by the story that she gave pointers to the woman about what she was allowed to do to her stupid-unfaithful husband if he ever touched her again. It has been long overdue, her best friend’s husband deserved to be punished for years, after all! And if there was someone who could get away with it, that was the Wei couple... Wei Changze joined for the dessert discussed it with them during dinner. Madam Jin couldn’t wait to see what the troublemaker couple had in mind.
"Good. It is one thing to be a leech with adult women, but I will not tolerate him being cruel to children too. Especially such a good boy like your disciple!"
The unfair treatment and anger toward her husband had totally eclipsed the fact that that the boy was a prostitute's son. Which could have caused a ruckus before, as her son played with someone so far below his station, even calling him brother in the midst of their game. But apparently, just like Yu Ziyuan, madam Jin had her priorities straight. Being furious at her husband for his behavior was more important than social standing here and now.
"You seem happy. " Jiang Fengmian comments. Months ago he would have never imagined such a scene; his lady so talkative with him, so open.
Yu Ziyuan hesitates; she doesn’t want to admit it aloud, as it is a bit embarrassing, but she never had as many girl friends before. It had always been her twin maids and her sworn sister. Now she can add two more, with Cangse Sanren and Lan Juan. She never understood why ladies ganged up during her teenage years, but now she does. She likes it.
"I am " She settles for, because if she says the truth, Cangse Sanren is going to learn about it (Jiang Fengmian is a snitch) and she will become insufferable and smug about it. " I can’t wait to see what they will do to Jin Guangshan! "
"I look forward to it too," smiles Fengmian when he says that, as confident as his wife. Especially now that he knows Wei Changze will share his lineage discovery with his wife, she will be extra motivated to punish the man.
"Talk about chaos… Of course Wen Ning developed a fever before going to bed, I told them that it was a bad idea for the kids to play in the water. The courtyard and the water might be hot thanks to her talismans but it’s still winter, of course this was bound to happen "
"Is the kid okay?"
"Of course, it is merely a kid’s fever! And not only does he have his sister taking care of him; but two Lan healers and Cangse Sanren! He was taking so much attention with his fever that i had to deal with a jealousy crisis from Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng!" She grins.
He hates the idea of ruining her mood with this bad news, she looks so happy and content. Relaxed even! This is so rare, he almost let his darkest part — he apathetic one — convince him to do it another day. Alas, he is used to it now, he is sure that if he listens, he will relay this duty to the day after tomorrow, and again, and again, until he persuades himself it is too late to do it anymore. He can’t do that. So when she continues explaining again how her two sworn sisters bonded while complaining about Jin Guangshan, and the opportunity is there, he takes it. Reluctantly, at first he tries to be subtle about it, to lead the subject and not drop a bomb, but unfortunately his lady is smart and not very patient. She sees through his game and sighs:
"What is it Fengmian? Just say it already "
So he does.
"Meng Yao might be Jin Guangshan’s bastard."
Jiang Fengmian is not naive; he did not expect a good reaction from her. She is no Cangse Sanren, who probably would have shrugged and probably gone the way " well not anymore, I’m his dad now " solution. No, he expected from his lady a much less favorable reaction, but it’s worse than he thought. Hell breaks loose.
First Yu Ziyuan drops her comb. Shocked. Then she asks him to repeat with a voice as cold as ice. Since Jiang Fengmian’s answer does not change despite her anger, she orders him to give him proof. She doesn't like having proof better. On the contrary, she hates it even more.
"This is a disaster!" She yells.
Since it is very much what Jiang Fengmian thinks, so he cannot deny, but he still tries to calm her down;
"We can manage it."
She laughs, dryly.
"How?"
"Well, no one has to know the truth. Jin Guangshan shows no sign of recognizing his bastard and surely if no one talks about it.. "
He miscalculated. He expected her to counter with “for now, but who knows about it? What if the boy ever needs the statuts? What if he gets greedy?” This is not where Yu Ziyuan’s concerns lay.
" My BEST friend is Jin Guangshan’s wife! "
This is the worst outcome that could ever be, Yu Ziyuan realizes. They can’t keep the boy in their sect now! Not when Madam Jin is Yu Ziyuan’s sworn sister, her best friend! She can’t do that to her. She would never forgive her, heck, Yu Ziyuan is not sure she would even forgive her now, for doing it, even though she didn’t know until today. This is the punishment for accepting the son of a whore into the Sect, I should have fought against this decision, I should have... She can’t stop regretting; her mind spiralling down. That’s why people keep their stations, their rank, because at the very least they know how to deal with the problems it brings... No, she forces herself to think back, as the thought is dangerous, as she learned this lesson not so long ago. Infidelity problems and bastards are not bound to ranks. She reasons herself. It doesn't make it easier to swallow or accept, least to say help her calm down.
Jin Zixuan played with the boy, he called him brother, while playing. The irony made her want to break every damn furniture in the whole place when she had been so proud of the fact earlier,
"Are you sure she would not accept the boy?” Jiang Fengmian says, and she hears him through her hazy, anger-clouded mind. "You said she had come to like him."
She almost laughs, but then she sees that he is serious, and anger flares. She forces herself to not insult him and calls her husband bird names, to not let anger dictate and ruin her relationship again. But damn it is hard when they all act so stupidly, as if they are trying to make her explode on purpose!
“Are you seriously asking me if my friend will accept the living proof of her husband’s infidelity and disrespect?”
“I suppose not.” Admits Jiang Fengmian. "But the boy is innocent."
"It isn’t about the boy at all!"
Her tone is acidic, but yet again, the question is overly stupid, he should have known better. Yes it might not be the child’s fault at all, but he would still be there, everyday, reminding the humiliated wife of her failure of a marriage, forcing her to grieve the relationship she was still very much forced to endure! As innocent as the boy might be he would still incarnate this utter defeat, this betrayal, the everyday resignation that it would not be better, ever, that the wife would not — or would ever be — loved...on the contrary they are not even respected! How can any woman accept such thing? Yu Ziyuan would hate Fengmian if he ever did this, she would hate the child, she would hate the person that brought the boy into her life, she would hate herself for doing so and would have to fight herself everyday to not step so low as to take it out on an innocent. She would hate everything! And she is sure as hell she would lose this fight; as the child grows up and her patience would run thin with him. One year of suffering seems long enough; and raising a kid, a bastard, implies at least twenty years of it. Anyone would end up breaking! Fake compassion and reason would be dulled by the impression that as the boy grew stronger he could endure more of her rightful anger, until the offended wife would lose herself completely into it, being devoured, consumed by it. Kissing Goodbye her principles, wasted by years of spite. How can men be so prideful and yet disregard the possibility that women could have pride as well? How could they even think it would be okay to impose such suffering on anyone, and then argue they are unkind to an innocent child, that they should be the better, kinder person here and think about other people's happiness’ when the one truly responsible didn’t even bother with it! They would push this guiltiness on top of that making them feel as they are in the wrong to feel betrayed, to be the victim and let the culprit go rampant and free, maybe even with congrats and cheers!
The problem is not the boy, it’s the husband, the world, the society disregarding their feelings in favor of a boy, again. As always. As if they don’t matter. They never did. Indifference is worse than hate. Her mother was right.
It is not even just the utter lack of decency that is problematic there, but also the fact that, with a person like Jin Guangshan, such an act would be interpreted as an implied agreement. The door would be swung open and he would think that now, it would be okay for every future occurrence too, not even caring about the consequences of his actions! Before long her best friend would be humiliated with another bastard, again and again. And since she accepted the first one, society would never get why another is a problem. They so easily forget the saying that one drop of water could make the whole vase spills when it inconvenienced them! Ah to start a war over their wounded pride, suddenly the drop of water was unbearable, too much, but surely women could tolerate it again and again. If they dared protest they were just hysterical and making a scene over nothing ! Yu Ziyuan tries to explain this to her husband, but he wears his stubborn face, his arms crossed. He disapproves, he doesn’t get it. It enrages her. Can't he understand how much of a problem this would be?
“I have to tell my friend the truth about Meng Yao...” She realizes.
“Do you really have to?”
She stares at him in disbelief.
“Yes! Yes I do Fengmian! She is my friend! I can’t hide something this big from her! She will hate me if she ever knows.” She screams. “I can’t betray her too !”
She is betrayed by everyone else, but not Yu Ziyuan, never Yu Ziyuan, that’s their vow!
The position it puts her in is impossible; it is one thing for Madam Jin to be betrayed by her husband. It hurts, but she knows what to expect of this threat; she has no hope for her marriage anymore, and for love, nor trust in the man. But she does with Yu Ziyuan. They promised to always have one another, to guard their back! It would be like stabbing her in the spine! She can’t do that to her; she can’t shelter the proof of her friend’s unhappiness like it’s okay. She can’t impose this on her. This...this is a disaster.
Yu Ziyuan sits, her head in her hands. She might lose her oldest and best friend over this. Over...A kid!
And the worst of it? She likes Meng Yao. He is a good disciple; hard working, with great potential. If he had any other father, if he had a statute, she would be proud to call him a student of the Sect. One week training him is enough for her to see that. At first she protected the boy only to keep Wei Changze’s words, for the man’s sake, but in the end, she did it because the kid deserved it.
But...All his potential and innocence simply isn’t worth this sacrifice to her eyes. It’s the ugly truth.
“ I will not keep this lie from my friend, Fengmian.”
“Then don’t. But ask her to not say a word about it to anyone, let us take charge of the boy and convince her that under our care he will never be a threat to her marriage and son.”
“I…She will never agree! And if she doesn’t, we can’t keep him! You are not thinking about-”
“My lady…”
“Don’t “my lady” me!” She spits. " Don’t ask this of me Fengmian, just don’t! "
She shamelessly hears her own voice breaks. Don’t make me choose between you and this new happiness we share, this love, and my friend, it implies. Because she is not sure she will choose her friend. She is so afraid of this choice. She had a husband, a real loving one, for only a couple of months now, when her friend had been here for years. But on the other hand she has her whole life to spend with him yet, under the same roof. She had been miserable in their loveless first years, she cannot...she isn't sure she can stand it again. But she isn’t sure she can live with herself if she betrays her best friend either.
She knows she has a lot to amend for her past attitude, but so does he! Why would she have to lose her best friend for it? She is willing to make an effort, to make sacrifices...but just not this one! Never this one, or her children. She still has a core, she is still herself, she can’t erase her completely in her redemption quest. She can change, yes but not become someone else!
For a long time there’s only the sound of their breathing; the invisible tension of this boiling disaster. She shivers, expecting it to blow when he finally talks, his expression hard:
“You’re right.” He admits. “and that’s not what I will ask of you. I wanted to, but if you say that it hurts you then I won't.”
Yu Ziyuan’s eyes stings. She loves him. She is grateful. But that’s not enough. Because he looks disappointed in her. He looks like he's judging. Because of course he would, he is fucking kindness incarnate. His face seems to say " why can’t you do what I can? " Would he though? If Cangse Sanren betrayed Wei Changze and bore another’s child in her belly, while he knew, would he keep his mouth shut and let his best friend live in ignorant bliss? Would that be considered as merciful? Would that be right?
It can’t be right!
She never tolerated lies. She understands their necessities in politics, and sometimes survival, but she’s never been good at it. She never liked it. She cannot do that to the one of the people she loves the most.
“Then what do we do?” She asks, lost.
Lying isn’t an option, but truth hurts too much, putting them in such a tight spot. What do they do? Because there’s no way her sworn sister is going to be grateful for knowing the truth either. She will hate it, she will be angry.
“I don’t know either,” Jiang Fengmian admits. “This was my only plan.”
And they can’t wait for another, waiting would make the matter worse, every minute she spends without telling her best friend is plunging the knife deeper in her back.
Jiang Fengmian wants to ask her if she has another idea, if they could talk things through like she does with him when he is cornered...But he is afraid she will feel pressured to find another path; that he is denying her feelings again and trying to make her change her mind. So he doesn’t. It’s not like he liked the plan in the first place anyways. He explains this aloud at the very least.
“Yes. I do not want that.” She admits, grateful again despite the hurt.
“What do you want from me, my lady?”
Air is stuck inside Yu Ziyuan’s throat; the pressure making it hard to breath.
She wants him to understand, and if he cannot, she wants him to love her even though he doesn’t! She wants him to know she is sorry that she isn’t a better person but this, this is too crushing, this would take a piece of herself. She is aware she cannot blow this up, like she did last time. She lost Wei changze’s friendship by doing so. Losing fengmian is not an option, just as much as losing her sworn sister. So she tries. She tries the method of the person she disappointed last time. She takes a deep breath and tries to explain. Even though her whole self shakes with the need to scream and break. It is a battle, but she is the violet spider, she is a Jiang sect member, she is a woman in a man's society; she is used to fighting. She is good at fighting. She has to be.
" Do you understand the situation I’m in now? "
"I do."
"Do you understand the choice that I have to make now?"
"I’m sorry."
"What use to me is your sorry e xactly? " she snaps and then regrets.
Being sorry will not change anything! He looks at her sadly, because as his wife, she wants him to understand, he does just as much:
"Nothing, but I still want to say it. I didn’t mean for you to make a choice, I just thought I was being honest with my intention, just informing you of our plan. I didn't even think there was one for you to make and that was...selfish of me. I apologize."
it was; but does it matter? In the end, she still has to decide who she will betray: her husband, her best friend, or an innocent boy. There is no good solution. She laughs, she doesn’t feel like laughing though, she is more in a sobbing mood. But she can’t afford that now so she laughs. It sounds broken and hollow to her ears. She doesn’t care. it distresses Fengmian to no end to see her like that, when she usually stands so fierce and strong. He repeats:
"What do you want me to do, my lady, what do you need me to say? "
And Fengmian’s voice is as lost and sad as her own. She looks up and sees him kneeling beside her, his hand halfway up, almost reaching her shoulder but not quite there. Maybe He does understand. her throat hurts at the admission that they might both be hurting, that there is no culprit in this conversation, but the world.
"What I need you to say," she wonders. "Is for you to tell me that you love me." she tries.
Jiang Fengmian’s eyebrow raises up, and he offers her a sad smile — doubtful —
"Will that help?"
"No," she admits, her voice breaking again. It will not help the situation be resolved. The choice is even less cruel. She needs more, it is inaccurate . What she truly needs is… ''tell me you’re going to love me...no matter what. "
Her husband’s features drop, as he understands. He knew she had already made her choice, but he still realizes that he is not the winner. That she is going to tell her friend and put them in a situation even worse. Yet he still says:
"I love you."
And he embraces her close and tight, Yu Ziyuan’s heart shouldn’t be allowed to skip beats like that. She should not feel so much love for this man, when only seconds before she felt so angry she could have ripped his head off. But yet again, there’s plenty of things that should not happen; Meng Yao being the bastard of Jin Guangshan is only one in the list. Now they have to deal with the consequences.
She hates it; but at the very least she has someone who loves her when she doesn’t. She can only hope that her sworn sister will understand. I’ve never had that many friends before, she had thought earlier. Maybe that’s the world telling her she is never meant to have this; its way of correcting this absurdity. It hurts.
They stay like this for a while, in silence, Jiang Fengmian patting her back. She is aware she has to go to sleep, that she cannot go and barge into her best friend’s chamber and get over with it. But gods does she want to. As if he is reading her thoughts, Jiang Fengmian finally whispers, wisely:
“Things will be easier, clearer, tomorrow.”
It worked last time, after all.
Unfortunately they do not have this luxury. As they are slowly motioning to the bed, they hear a ruckus coming from outside. Someone is hitting the front door and screaming. Fearing an attack, their training takes over everything, pushing back their distress on the back of their mind. The shield around Lotus Pier should have warned them, if it was an ambush from outsiders, but she still activates Zidian, he seizes his sword and they rush to the courtyard. The children got out of their beds, watching from behind their windows, wary. They are not the only one on their guard; this commotion allows them to see which of their guests’ servants are in fact warriors. So many of them are ready to battle, their hands inside their sleeves on their concealed weapons or talismans papers. Lan Yuan has his forehead ribbon crooked, but his sword in his hand, while Lan Juan has a hand on each of her young master’s shoulders, ready to take them in her arms and run. Yinzhu and Jinzhu are already at Yanli and Cheng’s side too.
Yu Ziyuan spots her best friend, her son behind her robe, her fingers on her throwing daggers. They are not in danger. Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze however, are barely able to stand and fight in their condition; yet having the most kids under their care. She places herself between them and the door, ready to help, and Cangse Sanren doesn’t miss it. She almost coos, but she hushes her.
The banging on the door stops, and someone shouts; it becomes evident it is not an attacker as the tone is a plea.
“Please answer! I beg of you!”
It could be a trap , Jiang Fengmian’s mind supplies, but he remembers that fateful night where he opened this very same door and found his best friend and his family bleeding. It sends a shiver to his spine and makes his blood run cold.
Jiang Fengmian and a few disciples get near and he opens the door, making sure to put himself in position to avoid a surprise attack. He doesn’t have too. The person who is in front of the door is a woman, in the loose attire of a prostitute, and on her back, there’s the limp figure of Meng Yao.
Notes:
I'm totally (not) sorry for this cliffhanger =x
Joke aside, i really loved writing this confrontation between Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan, it was so important to show once again Yu Ziyuan's character growth, but also what she could have felt in canon!verse and, a point i like a lot ; showing that while seeking redemption is necessary, denying who you are and steeping on one's feeling is not okay either. I would have loved to make a longer arc about it, and maybe i could have done that if Wei Changze had been the one confronting Yu Ziyuan, but Jiang Fengmian is just...not like that? In this universe at the very least (because in Canon verse he totally stepped on Yu Ziyuan's feelings / and his son - to favor Wei Ying's. Then stepped on Wei Ying's feeling for his son at the end -during lotus Pier's attack). So. Yeah.
Bets are up ; how do you think madam Jin will react?
What do you think happened to Meng yao? =oSee you on tuesday for the next chapter !
Chapter 62: Combining strengths
Notes:
Wow i was so moved by the amount of feedback last chapter got ;; thank you so much for all your comments and sweet words, it's adorable. Really!! You are all the sweetest readers !! This chapter is once again edited by Fraudulent_Moose who has a lot of work to do lately because i write between midnight and 5AM on my tablet so my chapters are full of brain farts lately xD
Previous chapter summary --> Jiang Fengmian got the confirmation that Meng Yao is indeed Jin Guangshan's bastard ; and it is as troublesome as he feared it would be. A little bit loss about what to do -and too short on time to make a plan- he wanted to follow Wei Changze's advice and just lie about his disciple's lineage ; ignoring it completely since neither side seemed interested to reveal it. But when he talked about it to his lady, Yu Ziyuan was completely, utterly against it. The revelation sent her spiralling down as she realized that she might lose her sworn sister's trust and friendship over it? They argued ; then they discussed, and while there was no good solution for this situation, Fengmian assured that he would love Yu Ziyuan no matter what, even if she told Madam Jin the truth and put them on a complicated situation. They didn't have time to rest though, as they heard a commotion in the courtyard. At the entrance of the sect, a woman begged for help : on her back she carried an unconscious Meng Yao.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lan Yuan is the first one to react, he rushes to the woman’s side and carefully takes Meng Yao in his only available arm and lays him on the side, checking his breath. The boy’s face is almost grey, except for the purple hand mark on his cheek, and the dried blood on his neck. For a short moment Jiang Fengmian fears he is already dead. But the tiny relieved smile he sees on the healer’s face tells him that there’s still hope. He turns in a hurry and orders someone to bring the Jiang doctor.
The poor man is going to need a raise; how many times had they dragged him out of his bed in the middle of the night already? He will feel sorry later. Instead he kneels near the prostitute. She has laid the boy down on the ground so carefully, is she his mother? He tries to observe her features; she is pretty but does not look like Meng Yao very much, though she does give off a familiar air. While he is incapable of saying what rings a bell in his mind, he assumes she is related to the boy somehow to leave that impression. However, he notices the man in the background who has a carriage. This one does not look like his disciple at all. Yet they probably arrived from Yunmeng thanks to him.
"What happened?" Jiang Fengmian asks. "Who are you?"
The prostitute’s lips tremble, she gulps it down and hesitates. She looks at the crowd gathering around with wariness, and then says;
‘My name is Sisi; I am his mother’s friend...and colleague. A...A client...Came to talk to his mother, and there were shouts, the boy tried to stop him and ended up falling down the stairs."
This is not the complete truth, as Sisi doesn’t want to tell the whole story. Heck she didn’t even know the complete one, she had been working downstair. She merely knew the identity of the client, warned Meng Yao about it, and then heard the yells. She saw the poor boy go past her as she climbed to see what was going on. Only a couple of shouts later she didn’t catch him in time. He crashed and the sound of his body as he collapsed will haunt her nightmares forever, as much as Meng Shi’s screams.
If Jiang Fengmian is not satisfied with her story, he doesn’t say, instead he turns to the healer, who immediately checks the boy’s neck. It is not broken; there is blood, yes, but only because the boy’s chin has a deep cut that will require stitches. He doesn’t sigh in relief yet, as he touches the boy’s spine next. He doesn’t like what he feels at all, but nothing is fatal; just painful.
"How long since he has lost consciousness?" Asks Lan Yuan next.
The woman stammers; "...I think...around two hours? He...he opened his eyes while we traveled, but he couldn’t see at all; like he was blind."
"It’s normal if he lost consciousness for a long time, his hearing must have been impaired too, for a short while. Did he recover his eyesight? Did he talk to you? Was he coherent?"
"Yes, he tried to convince me he was fine and not bother you, but he threw up and passed out again so I-"
"You did well bringing him here." Assures Jiang Fengmian, kindly.
But someone disagrees:
"Why didn’t you bring him to a doctor at Yunmeng? It would have been faster than bringing him here! Don’t you have a doctor around in your establishment ?!"
Madam Jin is kneeling by their side now, checking the boy’s pulse on his wrist. Her tone is accusatory. Jin Zixuan clinging to her robe still and staring at his playmate with big sad eyes.
"We do but our doctors are not specialized in this...And they only heal workers from the brothel if we had accepted him to be treated A-Yao would have been indebted to the Madam and would have been sold as soon as he got better!" Sisi cries; Madam Jin flinches, obviously shocked by such a method, but Sisi doesn’t let her counter; " You think I didn’t try to take him to a normal doctor? But doctors needs money, and we don’t have any...I thought...I thought he had more chances here in the sect even though it would take more time to get there...I...I thought it was better than just waiting and praying for him to wake up okay... "
She grovels, or curls up on herself, it’s hard to say. Jiang Fengmian feels a pang of compassion, mixed with guiltiness; these are people living under his protection. It is his disciple’s family ; and they live in such awful conditions! He didn’t support them; heck he didn’t even see they needed help and failed to provide it. The blame is entirely on him. Sisi tells her she couldn’t stand just hoping things will turn out fine; but honestly that’s all Jiang Fengmian can do, wishing his mistake won’t have ever lasting consequences. That it’s not too late to fix this.
He looks at Meng Yao, who is still unconscious on the ground; a kid that is as old as his daughter, his baby girl, and feels nauseous.
"Where is his mother?" Wei Changze asks, as he finally reaches them, stumbling on his feet, helped by his wife. They don’t dare touch Meng Yao right now, too afraid to worsen his condition, instead he looks at the man in the background, grateful. He probably got dragged out of his bed as he’s still wearing his night robe. But his eyes are on Meng Yao rather than them, concerned. There is no one else inside the cart.
"The Madam refused to let her go; she said she had to serve the client," sobs Sisi. "And she wouldn’t have been able to travel anyways, she has been sick lately."
Madam Jin’s fist clenches again. Wei Changze frowns, and adults share a knowing glance. A sick prostitute was never a good news; for the woman and for her clients.
It’s at this instant that the Yunmeng Jiang doctor arrives:
"What’s the situation?" He asks in a hurry.
"Falling down a flight of stairs, definitely. Shoulder blade is broken, his right elbow and left wrist too, I'm pretty sure it's a spiral fracture. And I think his right ankle is sprained. I don’t like the look of his fingers, he probably tried to cushion his neck with his hands during the fall. The ribs are bruised, but did not pierce his lungs. The spine feels fine but the vertebrae ar- "
Still talking, Lan Yuan helps him take Meng Yao to the infirmary. Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli both rush inside before the door gets closed in everyone else’s faces. Including Lan Juan who tried to rush too but arrived too late. The courtyard fell into a tensed silence. The disciples don’t even dare to whisper. All the young masters and children are shocked, and the adults do not fare much better. Wei Ying asks his mother to hold him, and squeeze her tight, and she gives a sick Wen Ning to Granny Wen to take her son. Lan Zhan is not sure he understands everything but he sees how his brother’s smile has disappeared from his face, so he pulls Lan Juan’s sleeve to make sure she stays with them. The woman notices the young master’s distress and brings him close:
"He is in good hands, young master, I'm sure your friend will be okay."
"Is it our fault? " Lan Huan asks, his voice shaking. "Was he being punished because of our letter? If it is, let me share the punishment too, it’s unfair he is the only one beaten, the letter was my idea a-"
Lan Juan says, confident; "It was an accident. You’re not responsible for it, and no punishment should go this far, young master. Never."
Nie Mingjue doesn’t seem convinced by the accident excuse and he frowns, furious:
"We have to find the culprit and punish him, that can’t be-" he states, but his little brother put his new fan on his mouth, hiding his angry expression and interrupting him.
“Be like mama!” He orders his older brother. “No poutsie!”
Despite the obstacle, Nie Mingjue still looks very much angry, his eyes send lightning and his mind silently screams: “YES POUTSIE” like the rebellious teen he is.
Jiang Cheng’s fist curls on his mother’s robe:
"Mother, you have to take me to the bad man," he explains with a serious glare. "You have to break his legs!"
Yu Ziyuan doesn’t know what to do. She has trouble prioritizing; Meng Yao’s health is of course important, but she cannot do anything for him….Comforting children has never been her forte, and there are so many! Hesitantly, she pats her son’s head mechanically as she stares at her sworn sister and best friend, her heart hammering in her chest. She should tell her. She should tell the truth now, but how can she, in this situation? Before she finds the opportunity to pull her on the sidelines, Madam Jin suddenly raises to her feet and forces the prostitute to mimic her.
"Show me where you work." She orders.
Sisi doesn’t seem to get it, and the woman clicks her tongue, annoyed. She repeats; "Show me where your brothel is! We’re going back and we’re bringing his mother here! I don’t care what your madam has to say she will bow to me!"
"Mother!" Jin Zixuan beams, suddenly proud.
"You stay with Madam Yu, Zixuan. You don’t need to see what comes next."
"I’m coming with you," affirms Fengmian.
Madam Jin warns:
"There is no need, I can handle it. Your arrival will make the rumors about you worse, while mine will not change much. People know why I would go to such establishments."
She winces at the admission. Yet Jiang Fengmian insists; he is not angry, but he is worried for the boy:
"It’s my disciple that got wounded. I shall ask for reparations. To the client that wounded him, or the Madam if he is gone."
"You would do that?" Sisi gasps.
"He is my disciple; my responsibility. Whoever hurt him, hurts my sect." States Fengmian, with confidence.
Jiang Cheng looks at his father with starry eyes, and Cangse Sanren pumps her fist up, ready to punch people on her friend’s behalf. Yu Ziyuan, however, is starting to panic. She cannot allow that to happen; Fengmian going to a brothel despite all common sense and her best friend defending her husband’s bastard without knowing. She has to step up! Her brain tells her if she misses this opportunity there will be no other:
"I will go in your stead." She declares, stepping in. She pushes Jiang Cheng to her husband’s arms. She improvises the reason, realizing their logic as she speaks them aloud; "It makes more sense, My reputation will not suffer from going to a brothel with my sworn sister, people will just assume I'm backing her up."
But she can still read doubt in his eyes, and how could he not? She herself does not feel very sure. But she has to; so she pulls out a sneaky move and asks her husband:
"Or do you believe I’m not capable of carrying your words and the sect’s?"
It works, Fengmian’s shoulders slump back. Wei Changze sends her an angry glare in the background but she ignores him; she wishes she could say he will thank her later for helping his ward but she cannot. She does not know yet if she will make things better or worse. It depends too much on how she will relay what she knows to her first sworn sister and she has never been good with subtlety, tact, or words in general. She is very afraid they are very screwed.
"Of course not, my Lady, I'm counting on you then." Fengmian finally yields, and she is grateful for his supportive — but tired and anxious — smile.
Wei Changze however, adds: " I’m sure our Madam will be very efficient as always, but this brothel refused to heal a child or let his mother go with him, forcing her to work with the client that might have killed her son. I’m afraid they might not be moved by anything but money. Maybe taking some, in the treasury, would be better. "
In case they have to purchase his mother’s time to allow her to be there, he implied. Yu Ziyuan is irritated at the thought of someone not bending to her or her friend’s will, but she is not stupid, it’s indeed smarter. Fengmian also agrees and makes a detour by the treasury room. He comes back very quick with a heavy purse that he gives his lady.
Yu Ziyuan bites her lips as she takes it before turning her heels and joining her best friend.
Madam Jin is already on her sword, she nods approvingly at Yu Ziyuan, happy to have her. For how long still? Yu Ziyuan fears. This money bag weighs on her mind, she is not sure it’s needed, not because she thinks she can make the Brothel Madam yield, but because she is not even sure they will make it to the place. Would her sworn sister still be dead set on retrieving Meng Yao’s mother after she learns the truth? She asks Sisi to get on her sword, just in case, she doesn't want her best friend to feel more betrayed than she needs to be. If the prostitute is afraid of flying she sure manages to hide it well, lifting her chin up even. They take off immediately; but Yu Ziyuan will ask them to land as soon as Lotus Pier is far enough. She would rather say what she has to say on ground level; it is not advised to fly with shaking knees, after all.
Unaware of their lady’s inner turmoil, the rest of Lotus Pier watch her leave, hopeful. Even Jiang Fengmian, naively thinks that no revelation will change the fairness of their quest. Cangse Sanren looks at the crowd of children, that are all so worried and not ready to go back to sleep at all, and she sighs. If it was summer, she would propose to them to take sleeping mats outside and all get to sleep together in the courtyard, looking at the starry sky to keep them busy while still being close to the sick boy to ease their mind. But even she is not so careless, especially as she still carried a feverish Wen Ning in her arms not so long ago.
"We must go back to bed, there’s nothing you can do about it, now. Meng Yao is in good hands, and who knows, maybe by the time you wake up he will be up and better? After all, our doctors are the best, and they have the best assistants with them!" States Lan Juan with a beaming, confident smile, that shows her nurturing nature and experience dealing with the kids. “And look at me; I’ve fallen down countless stair cases! All good and fine! I’m sure your friend is going to be just the same!”
Jiang Cheng looks at her, doubtful.
It takes a little more convincing, and some sleeping arrangement (as Jiang Cheng wants to be closer to his sister, and Jin Zixuan doesn’t want to be alone) and the Wei’s ends up with two more kids sleeping in their quarters.
"Lan Zhan too!" Demands Wei Ying eagerly, making grabbing hands motion to his friend.
"A-Ying," Cangse Sanren says, "Lan Huan needs his brother right now, his friend is hurt. And our home is very full. There is no more place to put anyone else."
"We need a bigger house." Comments A-Ying, disappointed.
He is right; not for Lan Zhan, but because the Wen kids can’t continue to sleep in their main room, and they can’t sleep forever in guest chambers, if they are to stay.
Wei Changze watches the kids part and returns to their bed in silence. He hesitates and turns to the cart owner, the one who brought both Sisi and Meng Yao here, proposing him to stay for the night if he wants. But the man shakes his head; he has to return to Yunmeng, apparently he is a bookstore owner there. He has to open his shop tomorrow. But he still asks, humbly, to be kept informed of the boy’s health.
"You know, if you hadn’t taken him into your Sect," he confesses, " Sisi and I had plans, I have family in Gusu with a bookstore too, and they were ready to hire him, on the spot if..."
If he had to run away from the brothel? If his mother died leaving him in debt? If his father rejected him? He never finishes his sentence, but Wei Changze can fill the blank. He doesn’t know what kind of relationship the man has with Sisi, Meng Shi or even Meng Yao, but he can recognize genuine care in his eyes at the very least. So he promises, and thanks the man as this one goes back on his cart to leave in the dead of the night.
Wei Changze looks one more time in the direction of the infirmary, his heart heavy in his chest, and prays that Meng Yao is going to be okay, before he limps back to his own bedroom too. As Lan Juan said, he can do nothing at all; his medical knowledge being very limited. So he trusts the one who knows best to do what needs to be done. He will however, plot.
On the other side of the closed room, however, Jiang Yanli isn’t sure what she can do. She moved before realizing, refusing to feel like last time, when uncle collapsed; paralyzed. But now that she stands here, in the middle of the infirmary, she wonders what uses she has. Wen Qing isn’t the same, she comes from a family of doctors, she knows exactly what kind of instrument her seniors will need before they even ask for it. When they turned Meng Yao to the side to inspect his spine, she even plunged her needles between two vertebrae under without their guidance. And then she sewed the stitches on his chin.
Jiang Yanli looks at their disciple and feels helpless again, unable to help him now that they failed to protect him. She isn’t one to wish the worst on others, but she hopes the man who hurt their friend will get punished. This emotion surprises her; it almost feels like anger. Of course this boiling feeling is mostly directed toward herself rather than this stranger with no name, but still, there’s a tiny part that’s not.
"A-Li," suddenly calls the Yunmeng Jiang doctor, Tuo Yanyong, her mentor. "Do you remember how to make smelling salts?"
She does! Happy to have a role and not just stay in their way, she nods firmly and heads immediately to the shelves to start making the solution. Lan Yuan also asks her to make some anesthesia; the kind they can put on his skin to make him lose all sensation there while he remains conscious, he precises.
"He is going to be in pain as soon as he wakes up." He explains.
"Why are we waking him up then? Isn't’ he better asleep?" She asks, curious.
"We need to make sure he isn’t bleeding in his head" Explains Tuo Yanyong. "To know that he has to be awake and answers our questions."
The following hours are very stressful, Jiang Yanli’s smelling salts work and Meng Yao wakes up, hissing in pain, asking for Sisi or how his mother is. Lan Yuan immediately takes over and reassures him:
"They went out looking for your mother, she will be here soon," he says.
He makes him repeat a series of words in the same order, then backward, without fail. None of them ask about what happened, too focused on his physical state. If he has a little bit of trouble answering at first, groggy and confused about the place he is, Meng Yao rapidly gets the hang of it and passes the test. But then he goes back to the beginning and starts to ask where he is and where his mother is, and if she is alright and doesn’t remember the test he just took at all. Yanli panics a little bit but she is the only one. It seems the other doctors expected as much.
"I know it’s hard but I still need you to stay awake," Explains Lan Yuan, holding the boy’s hand as support. "You’ll have to warn us if what we do hurts you too much, okay? I also need you to stay awake, and if you start losing one sense or another, you warn us, okay?"
Meng Yao nods, his lips thins. Wen Qing helps the doctors set back the bones when it’s possible, but some fractures are troublesome, they explain her in hushed voices. The elbow one and the collarblade are complicated. It might leave sequels: and the boy has not developed a golden core yet.
"Why?" Jiang Yanli asks, because she trained with the disciple. She knows he has not a golden core, but he managed to feel the spiritual energy and with the help of the training robe, he can even move it a bit along his body! He has plenty of energy to spare, why can’t they use it to heal him?
Because we can’t force his body to focus its energy on one particular point in his stead, that’s something only he can do, and if he could do it, he would have a golden core formed already. ]" explains Tuo Yanyong, because after all, what is a golden core but condensed, stocked energy that cultivators build inside of them until it sustains itself?
Yanli points out Wen Qing’s needles, which are still deep into the boy’s spine. So far it helped keep the boy still, unabling his body’s reaction to hinder the doctor’s movement as they set up his bones. But she thought that this technique also served to orientate the body’s energy; fluctuate and control it. It’s Wen Qing who answers her:
Needles have limits, they can do their work if they have access to body pressures points, or meridians. There’s none near the fractured areas."
But then she stops and stares at Yanli with a gaping mouth. She takes her friend’s hands and yells:
"We can do it your way!"
"My way?" Repeats Yanli, lost.
"Your sect’s robes! They help you focus the energy where the disciple wants, right? Do you think we could create a path where there’s no meridian with your ink? Can’t you modify it so it leads the energy where my needles can’t go?"
Jiang Yanli’s heart beats faster at the idea; maybe, indeed! Maybe she could! She doesn’t know where to start altering the spell, as it is far more complex than she is used to, and maybe she will need Cangse Sanren’s help for that, but...Doesn’t auntie say, everything is possible as long as you have the imagination for it? It seems logical. But first...
"I need to understand what exactly the energy has to do!"
Because without clear indication spiritual energy could do more harm than good. Cangse Sanren warned her about it. As she thinks of the possibilities, another idea comes to her mind too:
"And what about my other way? Would adding spiritual energy when I apply the poultice enhance its effectiveness?" She asks the adults.
Both doctors stop and take the time to think about it. Luo Yanyong doesn’t seem very happy with the idea of experimenting, but after a quick discussion with his Lan colleague, he sighs and yields. After all, he does not have an alternative solution and there’s no way this could end worse than it already is; as the boy does not have a golden core yet, playing with his spiritual energy cannot cause an accidental Qi deviation. At worst they will lose some spiritual energy stuck between muscles, where it should not be? Such things would bother at first but dissipate soon enough.
"It’s worth the try," Lan Yuan finally judges.
"Maybe adding spiritual energy to the poultice and applying it where we can’t reach will also help, if the robe idea fails."
"A robe would be useless, can’t you enchant bandages instead? It would be more convenient!" Proposes Wen Qing.
"I...I think I can!"
"Focus on the enchantment, we can’t do that in your stead, but we can deal with the spiritual poultice!" States Lan Yuan, patting Wen Qing’s head to congratulate her for her quick thinking.
Yanli doesn’t have the confidence yet to work on the enchantment alone; there’s too much at stake, so she runs to auntie’s bedroom and asks for her help. She immediately leaves the kids to her husband and Granny to come to the rescue.
“Your ribbon is crooked,” she says to Lan Yuan, as she enters the infirmary. She points it out to a feverish Meng Yao who fails to see the point. Lan Yuan looks pissed and he glares back at Cangse Sanren; only family and fated one’s can touch it, and they both know it.
“Yes, and you can do nothing about it, get to work,” he orders her.
“So commanding! I simply thought it would bother you while working!”
Jiang Yanli defuses the situation by explaining their plan. The prospect of altering her spell makes her eyes shine with curiosity and she gives the girls an endless line of praises.
It appears that making the enchantment on bandage gives them an advantage too;
"Look," she explains, "the fact that we’re working on something so bendable gives us more freedom, because we can make the whole bandage form a circle, which would make..."
"An array!" Guesses Yanli.
"Exactly!"
"Do you even need an array in this situation?" Comments Yunmeng Jiang doctor, annoyed.
"Of course not, but don’t be a killjoy, we’re thinking about possibilities here!"
"It would be great," mediates Lan Yuan with his jaw tense, "if you’d focus on healing the boy first and then possibilities later."
"Possibilities are an important part for us to find a way to cure Meng Yao!" Protests Cangse Sanren, as she pats Meng Yao’s head as if to make sure the boy knows she has the best intention in mind and did not actually forget him.
“You’ll have all granny’s candies, you’re very courageous, and we’re all very proud of you, sweetie.” she whispers to him.
"You just need to keep up for a little longer," adds Jiang Yanli with a soothing tone.
Once Meng Yao calms down a bit, Yanli focuses more on the task at end, as it is the most complex work she’s ever done until now, and she proposes to her mentor:
"Writing on bandages, we could also make sure some parts of the spell can be intertwined and alter the whole set up, like, one bout of a sentence could complete another if you put it this way, but it will be the beginning of another if you put it that way!" She adds. "Wrapping it up a certain way around the wound could change how it reacts!"
"That’s my girl!" Beams Cangse Sanren at the idea.
"That’s fascinating," comments Lan Yuan, as he stares at their work.
And Yanli feels so proud right now; she is almost embarrassed of herself. This time she is useful; this time she doesn’t just stand as her loved one suffers! It’s so good to be able to help, she is not sure she will ever stand to feel useless again after knowing that feeling.
In the end, the bandages are put down, and Meng Yao’s help is required. It is very similar to the robe; it will help the boy have a better grip on the spiritual energy and modulate it better, and so he will be able to lead the spiritual energy where it should go. They have to come up with a trick there, as the boy is not yet able to keep the energy still in one place without dispersing it (even Yanli isn’t that far in her cultivation training). For that, Wen Qing helps; her needles can’t reach one point, sure, but it can fence the area around the wound. Combining the needles’ ability and the bandage spell, they discover, allows them to retain the energy in place, with minimal waste. Of course they still lose quite a bit of yang and yin, but most of it stays put when they try. It makes Cangse Sanren all giddy and enthusiastic:
"It’s the closest from stocking spiritual energy I’ve ever come up with!!"
"Be more respectful, we’re treating a patient!" scolds Tuo Yanyong.
"And making stunning discoveries along with it, isn’t that awesome? Aren’t you proud to be part of it, Meng Yao?" Smirks Cangse Sanren.
Meng Yao smiles weakly, and then throws up; fortunately they had a basin ready for him.
"He is just so excited he couldn’t keep it inside," comments Cangse Sanren, unshakable. But when no one is looking she rubs tiny circles on his back to help the nausea pass with a tensed smile.
Lan Yuan sighs, not convinced, and holds the boy’s forehead to support him.
They return to the spell work. Once the energy is secured and affects the fracture area, bathing it in healing energy, there’s another problem that arises. Meng Yao will have to rest at one point, but without his focus, the whole set up will be inefficient. So they alter the bandage a bit until it can remember the path the boy made the energy go through and do so automatically when the patients mind is at rest. Once it’s all done and seems to work, Lan Yuan and Tuo Yanyong take care of explaining to Meng Yao where exactly he should focus and how, then, and the boy’s crisped expression finally relaxes as he can focus in mind on something else other than pain.
After that Yanli and Wen Qing are put in charge of applying the poultice next, adding spiritual energy to the solution. Wen Qing shows her friend exactly how to make it, and put it.
When dawn finally cracks at the horizon, feeling with light the cold infirmary room, they are busy making a cast; mixing the two methods down. Filling the preparation with spiritual energy and carving some spell once it dries off, under Cangse Sanren’s guidance. Tuo Yanyong doesn’t seem very happy still with the experiment, but it works enough for him to say:
"Good job everyone. If this works as it should, the boy should be okay."
After months of rest, but still, no serious sequel. He might be hindered under certain weather conditions or after tiring days and some movements, but nothing disabling. It’s more than he thought he could manage when he headed into the infirmary with his patient, hours earlier. All the heroes of the night sigh and sit on the floor, relieved. Meng Yao is finally allowed to sleep, and Tuo Yanyong takes the first shift to supervise him; as they have to check every three hours if his brain is still okay.
It's a weird feeling for Cangse Sanren; as it is probably the first time ever she managed to keep a disaster at bay instead of causing it. Happy, but tired, she hugs the two true little heroines of the night, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli.
"You did great." she tells them, proud.
And the little girls smile, proud, sharing a glance; for once they know.
Notes:
I hope you enjoyed ! =D See Meng yao is fiiiiine like i promised, he only have lot of broken bones *run away*
Next chapter is going to have some trigger warning ; since it will dwelve on the prostitution world / vicious circle. Of course it's too much for you i will provide a summary of the said chapter the next time so you can skip it anytime you feel too uncomfortable !!
Also new game for you dear readers ; i've been building up a revelation since chapter 56 ; here in this chapter there is another clue to try to guess what it's coming to get you =) WHo's gonna guess first?
Stay all healthy and safe, i will see you on Friday =D
Also, Fraudulent_Moose said this story has officially the lenght of an epic novel. Wow!
And they're still 5 years old *cry* i want to reach the timeskip already...
Chapter 63: The stair's case
Notes:
Yes this chapter's title makes me an awful person i apologize for the lame joke. xo
This chapter is beta-read by fraudulent_moose once again, thank you for your hard work <3
And also sorry because i'm a bit weird i broke my foot and i'm under medication so my thoughts are a little bit sluggishb and my impulse control is gone as usual when i take medications.Trigger warning - This chapter contains mention of abuse toward women in general and children, and also prostitution and underage sex. Nothing graphic but it's mentionned and talked about. If you feel uncomfortable reading it, don't hesitate to skip it, there will be a chapter summary next tume so you're not lost with the story ^^
Previous chapter summary --> Meng Yao had been pushed on top of the stair of the brothel by a client and so had been badly hurt. Fortunately, Sisi, his mother's friend managed to get him to the Jiang Sect where he had been taken charge of. His wounds were not life threathening but dangerous still, and it's only thanks to Wen Qing, Jiang Yanli and Cangse Sanren, combining all their knowledge to come up with a new method, that the boy will probably get out of it without any ever lasting damage. Meng Shi, however, could not follow and the borthel forced her to stay, which of course infuriates Madam Jin. She decides to go and retrieve the mother, while asking for compensation on Jiang Fengmian's behalf. After all whoever hurt a Jiang Disciple should be punished. Yu Ziyuan goes with her (and Sisi) but she is worried, as she has to share with her the secret she learned earlier ; about Meng yao's bilogical father...As they travel to the brothel, she seized the opportunity to land...
Chapter Text
"What’s wrong?" Asks Madam Jin, as soon as she puts her feet on the ground.
Rather than asking her sworn sister to get down, Yu Ziyuan thought it would be faster to just land. Of course her friend seeing Yu Ziyuan lose altitude drastically, followed through without question. It isn’t her intention to worry her; but then again, there is just no way this conversation is going to end well.
"Nothing is wrong with me, I wanted to tell you something before we got to the brothel."
"Couldn’t it wait?" Grumbles Madam Jin, looking at Sisi. "We need to get the kid’s mother back to Lotus Pier."
"It cannot wait."
Madam Jin raises one eyebrow, surprised, and crosses her arms on her chest with a little grumpy hmph . She waits for the revelation, reluctantly. Yu Ziyuan’s throat is dry and she feels cold, not because of the winter night and the flight. She might understand her husband a little; as she tries to find a courteous, less violent way to tell her friend the truth. But there is no way to spare her feelings, she knows, and it’s never been Yu Ziyuan’s forte. So she sighs, gives up and says, bluntly:
"Meng Yao is your husband’s bastard."
The first to react is not who she expects it to be:
"She is Jin Guangshan’s wife!?" Yelps Sisi.
You know, Yu Ziyuan wants to bark back, accusatory, but she forces herself not to; to focus on the one whose feelings actually matter to her: her sworn sister.
Madam Jin’s face is white. Yu Ziyuan had night-hunted so many times with her that she can distinguish the nuance of the color on her friend’s face, it’s not the white of fear, or pain but the one of anger. So she quickly adds, in her defense:
"Fengmian learned this a few hours ago, he told me as we went to bed, I wanted to tell you right aw-"
"Are you sure?" She cuts Yu Ziyuan, her voice dead cold.
Yu Ziyuan swallows back; Yes, yes she is. She tells her the proof Fengmian brought to her earlier, the more convincing facts. Madam Jin listens, but her body gets more and more tense as she hears. When Yu Ziyuan is done, she repeats, still furious:
"It’s a prostitute, how can you be sure?"
Yu Ziyuan is baffled; first because why is she trying to defend her shitty husband, and second, why does it matter if everyone in this dispute, son and mother included, are convinced he is? She is too surprised to answer, but Sisi is not:
"Of course we’re sure! He had been her first client ever, and monopolized her for months! And when she started having other, we were careful; we are prostitutes, not stupid, we know how to avoid pregnan-"
"Then how come she ended up pregnant with my husband’s bastard then?" Screams Madam Jin back. "Was it your plan from the beginning? Did you impregnate her so she could pop up a bastard and then ask for money?"
Sisi doesn’t answer that. Instead she says;
"The client who threw Meng Yao down the stairs; it was Jin Guangshan."
The man had arrived at the brothel late into the night and requested for Meng Shi. Her friend had been so happy; He remembers me, she had smiled. It had hurt a bit, because she could see love lingering in her gaze, even after so many years of silence. She had decided to ignore it and turned the sour feeling of jealousy into hope. Especially since so many prostitutes already mocked Meng Shi for falling for her first client, giving him a son and then getting abandoned; she didn’t want to join the ranks of the likes of Anxin. So she left them alone, sure Meng Shi would find the opportunity to tell him the truth about A-Yao, but then the boy came back. Sisi saw him at the entrance and warned him about his father — finally — being here, convinced it would make the boy happy. Their days at the brothel might be coming to an end after all! Meng Yao’s expression changed drastically, she thought it was a strange one, but bet it on the fact that he was meeting his father for the first time. It had to be anxiety. The boy still rushed to his mother’s bedchamber upstairs. Sisi didn’t think he would interrupt night activities, as Meng Shi had better things to say to Jin Guangshan, so she didn’t stop him, despite the implicit agreement Sisi and the mother shared (never let A-Yao get upstairs when his mother was with a client). She regretted it now. Because not long after it, she heard screams and the next thing she knew, Meng Yao fell past her and went down all the stairs with a sickening crack, while Jin Guangshan stood there, at the top, still barely giving a glance down before going back to argue with the Madam, while Meng Shi screamed for someone to help her son.
“And you say that now?!”
Yu Ziyuan wants to hit something, break something, so hard right now. Preferably Jin Guangshan. Maybe a little bit of Sisi too for hiding such an important fact; they had planned to ask for compensation for Meng Yao’s wounds, damnit!
Sisi doesn’t answer. She hadn’t said the name as she told the Yunmeng Jiang Sect leader on purpose. She had been aware of the danger of it; Meng Yao needed to see a doctor, and if she gave the name of the client, the sect might refuse to help, not wanting to antagonize another sect by doing so. She hadn’t thought the two ladies would ask to go to the brothel to retrieve Meng Shi, and even then, she expected the man to be long gone when they arrived; it had been hours after all! She thought her little lie would go unnoticed. But now, it feels important to say it. It might also be because she doesn’t like the accusation thrown at her and Meng Shi.
It is true; so it hurts the most to hear it aloud. It sounded so cunning and evil, put it that way, when, in reality, when they were planning it, they had simply felt desperate. It had looked like the only chance they would ever have. She needs them to understand that: they didn’t have any other choice!
Meng Shi was only 15, after all, her brother had just killed himself to be free of the brothel! They had done their best to make her appear as the best she possibly could, Meng Shi learning how to read, with a dreadful efficiency, too scared to allow failure, just to raise her price in an attempt to lessen the chances of being mistreated by rude clients! They wanted to make sure she could only meet patrons who, might they fall in love with her, would have the money to buy her freedom, would find her a useful addition to their household! In the months before the binding over her virginity they had managed to make her one of the most wanted prostitutes of the region; so when Jin Guangshan arrived…
“You could have said no!” Snaps Madam Jin, and it is so absurd, that Sisi can't’ hold a laugh.
A prostitute saying no? To their virginity auction? Where do these women live to think that it is even a possibility?
“You could have run away from the brothel,” states the Madam of the Sect, backing up her friend.
But that’s even stupider.
“To go where? Meng Shi’s village had been burned to the crisp, her family was dead. My family might have been as well since they sold me to the brothel! And if we were to run, the Madam would have sent people after us, we owe her money! Society would back her up!”
“Then why did you even borrow money from these kinds of places in the first place?!”
Must she teach these rich people even the most basic information? Sisi always thought they avoided looking at the misery on purpose, but she realizes that some, like these two, might just stubbornly surround themselves in clouds to not even have to do that.
“The money we owe the madam is for sheltering us. People sold us to her, they walked away with their pockets full of money, and left us with no choice but to live here and be in debt for it! The food we eat, the water we drink, the doctor who heals us and makes sure we stay healthy for the next client: all of those cost madam money and it is added to our debt! When we have relatives with us, like Meng Shi had, their expenses are ours too. At her brother’s death, his debt was put on her back! Tell me, how are we supposed to avoid that?! If you have a solution I'm all ears!”
“Are you saying that you are forced to work there? Do clients force you?”
The Lady of the Jiang seems to be boiling with rage, and Sisi is not sure what she is angry at.
“Prostitute who thinks that way don’t live long,” she carefully answers.
That’s what killed Meng Shi’s brother. That and pride, too, if she listened to the other prostitutes who knew him, like Anxin. Sisi hadn’t been there, she arrived after his death and took pity on the young girl who had just lost the only family she had left; whose situation was so similar to her. Maybe because deep down, Sisi had been scared to end up just like her, one day, as she didn’t know where her own brothers and sisters had been sent too. She ignored if they had been sold like her and would prefer ending their lives than survive like Meng Shi’s brother.
“Jin Guangshan definitely did not force himself on Meng Shi,” she admits, still, because that’s the harsh truth. Maybe the whole situation of their station made sure there was no such thing as consent, but…
She doesn’t say the rest. It hurts too much still.
Well Meng Shi loved him. She thought it was a sign of fate. She never quite got over the sentiment, despite Sisi’s careful words to not get her hopes up, and then...Well then Meng Shi might have been young and naive on many levels, but she is smart, she found a way to make sure the Sect leader Jin would come back to her and buy her freedom. The fact that he got bored with the prostitute before she could tell him about the pregnancy had delayed her plan, but not erased her hopes.
But this scene, tonight, and her baby boy falling down the stairs, might have done just that.
And it hurt Sisi that she isn’t by her side to pick the pieces of Meng Shi’s heart, because she had been busy holding Meng Yao’s body back together. She knew that her friend could take rejection from Jin Guangshan, that it would hurt, but that she would raise up again. But her son’s death? Not even Sisi would be able to fix Meng Shi if A-yao were to pass away. Even love has its limits.
“Did—” Madam Jin bites her lips. “Did the boy come to the Jiang Sect with that in mind? For this? Was it your plan too?”
Sisi holds her breath. Maybe; maybe one could say that, after all, Meng Yao decided to seek this servant-right-hand-man to learn cultivation, and then amaze his biological father with his cultivation skills. In a sense, it was true. But also, it was wrong; because doing so prevented him from seeking Jin Guangshan during the conference, to see him in the parade, even!
“He is with the Jiang to learn cultivation,” she states, sure of that. “To survive.”
"Then why did he play with my son?" She screams back. "Why did he call my son his brother?"
"He didn’t want to play, and it was for a game, that the other decided, you know it was not—"
"Don’t defend him! You didn’t tell me he was a prostitute’s son back then either!" Madam Jin cuts off her best friend, furious. Yu Ziyuan closes her mouth, guilty.
There’s a tensed silence between the three women, none of them willing to talk; as it would leave their wound in the open. Then suddenly, Madam Jin surprises them all and steps on her sword. Leaving both Sisi and Yu Ziyuan astonished. You still plan to go? Sisi thinks, sure that she has ruined the chances to retrieve Meng Shi with her big mouth. Yu Ziyuan however, knows her best friend better and she fears her silence, as they fly back.
It is hard to face the harsh truth you’ve never let yourself admit. That you somehow convinced yourself that it wasn’t so bad, so you could live with it.
It’s not like Madam Jin ignores her husband’s tendencies; heck she is more than aware of it. It is not the fact she is revulsed at him buying prostitutes either: if she has to be honest, she would rather have him go see prostitutes — who she thought, before, could choose to do this job — rather than him harassing servants, or having affairs with ladies of the gentry. But Madam Jin is even more than aware of the kind of women her husband likes the most to have an affair with. Young girls, that look at him with awe because they are too young to know and Jin Guangshan looks like the best of the best in their tiny, sheltered life. Or worst ; their savior, when they are trapped in awful situations. Her husband likes to be loved, adored ; even more so when he really doesn’t deserve it. When he doesn’t get what he wants from them, or finds women that are reluctant to give him that adoration -like Madam Jin does-...Well..There’s a reason why she wants her son to know what “no” means.
This Meng Shi seems to fall into the first category. It makes it hard to be mad at her. Especially when Madam Jin had first wanted to go in the brothel and retrieve her because she judged the whole situation unfair. But she is mad. Oh she is mad. At her, at the prostitutes; at the boy - who knew, and played with her son! Oh, she gets why he was so polite and annoyingly reluctant to play as Zixuan’s brother, she hopes he had been embarrassed, as he should be! She hoped it wasn’t part of a damn plan to come out and take his bastard place among them!- but more importantly, she is angry at her husband. So, so very angry. She is almost vibrating from it. She is dead set determined to make him pay for this new affront. This is one of too many, the last drop she could endure. She was never known for her patience, and he has only himself to blame now.
She is going to make him pay. Literally.
There’s only four things her husband loves in life ; in that order : himself, power, money and women. She can only hope that his son, her little Tian, her Zixuan, manages to reach this fifth spot in his father’s heart, while Madam Jin remains at the very bottom of it, while standing at the top of the list of things he would ditch without a second thought given the occasion. Thats how life is ; and since she cannot ditch him first she is going to start attacking things he love and she doesn’t care about much. She is going to start with money.
Still, even with a plan and a way to hurt him back, she is furious.
It isn’t enough for this idiot of husband to have affairs, he had to prove rumors right and fathers bastards. And he just had to do it right in her best friend’s territory. She feels as embarrassed as when he bedded the servant she first favored when she arrived at Carp tower. It’s one thing to think with his pants, it’s another to have no shame and absolutely no compassion for her and his family.
The worst is that, Madam Jin is sure that if Meng Yao hadn’t caused a scene yesterday with Cangse Sanren, the man would have accepted him as his bastard. Maybe even paid the woman her freedom (it depends how much he fell out of love with her), all too happy to be adored and have someone forever in his debt, seeing his poor pitiful self as the sun and the moon all together. But that’s not what happened, and the boy had to humiliate his father in some way for him to be so furious he threw caution into the window and went to deal with the problem by himself. (The fact he didn’t send anyone and did the deed himself is a statement of how furious he has been) Madam Jin knows. She knows how close she had been to being humiliated and forced to accept the boy in her home, to raise him as her son’s half brother. Heck maybe even accept his mistress, a prostitute, to her table! And it makes the fire burn hot inside her chest. She is not letting that happen, ever.
She is crushing this possibility right now, right here. Even if her stupid husband changes his mind he will not be able too, she swears.
When Madam Jin enters the brothel, she finally opens her mouth and turns to Sisi.
“Where is your friend’s room.” She asks in a tone that will tolerate no disobedience.
“U-Upstairs.”
Sisi leads the way, as the two Madams follow. At first they don’t bring any attention, but then a prostitute notices them, and yells at Sisi for running away earlier.
“Sisi, where have you been? The Madam is furious,” she warns her colleague. “All of that for a stupid boy! When the Jin leader left, Meng Shi said she would take any of your clients to make sure you don’t get more in debt, I swear if you interrupt her the madam is going to beat you both to the pulp and you will deser-”
Yu Ziyuan feels sick. She had been furious to be taught life earlier by the prostitute; certain that she exaggerated, that there had to be a way for her to run away if she truly wanted it. After all people flee when there’s a war, they start back from scratch, she will not deny it’s hard but it’s doable. If they can, everyone can, she thought. But then, facing a woman who took a broken child in her arms in the middle of the night, just to find a doctor, only to be blamed for it by her superiors and pulled further into misery...Her beliefs are shaken. And so are Madam Jin’s, she orders:
“Ignore her, show me the room.”
“What if she is with a client?” Asks Sisi. What if she is still with Jin Guangshan? Goes unsaid. It’s a stupid thought, impossible, no man has this much endurance no matter how much they brag and lie, and her colleague said he had left, but still, she fears.
“Did I stutter?”
Yu Ziyuan shakes her head, showing Sisi it’s best she obeys. As they climb the staircase, Yu Ziyuan stops and looks at it; there is absolutely no sign of the boy falling down it. No blood, no dents, nothing. If she hadn’t seen the broken body of the boy, the handprint mark on his cheek, heard Lan Yuan’s diagnosis and confident tone, she would have believed it was nothing but a lie. Like it never happened. Yet now she can’t help but see the ghost of their disciple, imagine the way he would roll between the steps, hit the wall further down before going down another couple of steps and ends up on the cold ground. She remembers Fengmian’s words, about compensation and deep in her bones she craves for that. She wants them to pay for it; Jin Guangshan first, but also this damn establishment for allowing it in the first place. Not only did they hurt a boy; but they also hurt her best friend by extension. It frustrates her to know she might not be able to. How do you punish a brothel for doing their job? How do you punish an unfaithful husband, a sect leader? She wishes she could just beat them all into submission without suffering any consequences. But she cannot; not with the protection his sex and station give to Jin Guangshan.
Fortunately Meng Shi is not with a client; truth be told she is escorting a stranger on the way out, and as soon as she sees Sisi, she abandons him and rushes to her friend:
“A-Yao?” She asks, her voice tight with unshed tears.
“He is alright, the sect is taking care of his wounds,” assures her Sisi immediately, brushing her hair with the tips of her finger, as if she is fragile and precious.
Meng Shi lets out a relieved sigh, and then straightens her back and clears her voice. Her eyes are lined up by a red make-up, to hide their swollen shape. The powder on her cheeks barely hides the mark of the slap; it’s matching the one her son harbors. Yu Ziyuan’s blood runs cold as she wishes she could just break all the bones in Jin Guangshan’s body. Deep down, there’s a little bit of resentment left for the prostitute — who dared sleep with her best friend’s husband and birth a bastard. But she had been punished for it, as her body bears the evidence right now; the other however, runs free and safe. It turns her blood into fire and ire into a storm.
“So you are Meng Shi,” says Madam Jin, cold.
“Meng Shi, these two ladies are from the Jiang Sect. There is Madam Yu, the lady of Lotus Pier, and-”
“Madam Jin. The wife of the man you fathered a bastard from.” Completes Madam Jin.
Yu Ziyuan closes her eyes, and winces, knowing this couldn’t go well. She knew. Meng Shi falters a bit, and she tries to hide something, but Madam Jin is quick to catch the prostitute’s hand. The robe sleeves glides on her skin and reveals a map of bruises. Meng Shi shakes at first, but then realizing she has no way to run, she stares back and holds Madam Jin’s glare.
“Are you here to add one?” She dares ask.
“Is it my husband’s doing?” Inquires Madam Jin, her frown growing deeper.
Meng Shi frowns back, and she says:
“I understand you’re angry at me. If it makes you feel better, go ahead and hit me.”
“Meng Shi!” Protests Sisi but her friend ignores her:
“All I ask for is-”
“What? To take your boy in our sect?” Spats Madam Jin, and her tone is enough for everyone and their mother to know what she thinks about this very idea, like Yu Ziyuan feared she would. But Meng Shi doesn’t step back; if she has to change her sentence, it sure doesn’t show, she resumes as if no one interrupted her:
“To let my son be healed. I will not ask for acknowledgement! I will never say he is his son again, I promise. Just-”
She finally breaks and her eyes fills with tears:
“Don’t let him die from his wounds, please- I...Just him surviving is enough I just — I will figure out another way so he doesn’t — but he has to live for that!”
“Of course we won’t! Who do you take my sworn sister’s sect for?” Spits Madam Jin. “The boy is a Yunemng Jiang’s disciple! He is under the protection of the violet spider, he is not allowed to die!”
Yu Ziyuan’s heart skips a beat and she stares at her best friend’s back, not sure she heard right.
“This boy is not my husband’s.” Affirms Madam Jin. “He will never be welcomed in the Jin Sect, and will never wear their name. He is a prostitute’s son, and as such, it is impossible to tell his lineage correctly. Am I clear?”
“How-” Sisi was stopped by Meng Shi, who agrees fast this untold contract:
“Okay, yes, of course!”
Madam Jin smiles, contempted; “Then it’s settled. What are you still doing here? You should be at your son’s bedside! What kind of mother are you, if you stay here and count on others to care for him, exactly? Gets your things, now.”
Meng Shi stumbles, surprised, and she opens her mouth to say something but gets cut off by someone else.
“Where do you intend to take my worker, exactly?”
A woman, far older than all of them, wearing extravagant robe but not indecent ones, walks to them; Sisi immediately whispers to them, supplying her identity:
“It’s the Madam.”
“Madam,” scoffs Madam Jin. “As if she had any right to such title, who does she think she is, some noble lady of a sect?”
“More like a slave trader,” continues Yu Ziyuan, following her friend’s thought on that one.
Sisi doesn’t correct them this time; their anger serves her purpose. It doesn’t matter to the two noble ladies that being a Madam is the best outcome a prostitute can dream of becoming; becoming an abuser instead of being abused. How would they know, when they had been nothing but privileged?
The madam tries very hard to hide her sour mood to the noble ladies, she is used to embarrassed wives who barge in and claim their husband purchased a prostitute wrongly. As if they had been under some kind of spell. But neither Madam Yu nor Madam Jin are patient enough to deal with her platity and honeyed words. On the contrary, Madam Jin rolls her eyes at her, and cuts her raising her palm between them:
“How much?”
“How much?” Repeats the Madam, in disbelief. “ A- Are you intending to purchase their company for the night?”
Yu Ziyuan comes closer to her friend, the purse Wei Changze insisted they brought heavy on her belt. Somehow, its presence reminds Yu Ziyuan how the man somehow knew it would come to this; she had scolded him for being naive and unaware of the sect’s role before, but it appears that she had been just as much as him on other matters. She didn’t know the world could be like that. But she stops as Madam Jin laughs, dryly.
“How much is their debt? Both of them.” She clarifies instead, pointing both Sisi and Meng Shi.
The two go very still, holding their breath, as if somehow, any wrong action from her could make the Jin lady change her mind. They can’t quite follow, or believe what is happening. Yu Ziyuan is not sure either.
The Madam of the brothel’s eyes shine with greed, as she smiles and does what infuriates Yu Ziyuan the most: tiptoeing around the matter:
“It is a difficult question. Do you have the money here already? If not, I cannot answer you. The amount you ask today will be different tomorrow, as these kinds of things are ever evolving. And I can't allow you to take them as long as you do not pay their debt off, or I will lose money.”
“How so?” Growls Yu Ziyuan.
“Well, if a client arrives and asks for them but I cannot provide their company, it will be my loss, so it will increase their debts. The dinner, the chamber, all of that, I generously lend it to them. If they get hurt by accident too, I will have to pay for the docto-”
“However if their son is, you will not.”Comments Yu Ziyuan, bitters. “How generous, indeed! Should we build a temple for you?”
The madam does not find it funny; but that doesn’t matter since it wasn’t Yu Ziyuan’s intention, she herself finds it quite infuriating. One look at her sworn sister confirms that they are both feeling quite the same right now. Witnessing the vicious circle the women were both trapped in; and with utter clarity, Yu Ziyuan realizes what she has to do, the miracle solution Sisi asked her for, the need Madam Jin bears in her eyes. One that only she could do, as she does not fear consequences for her actions. This enemy is a woman at the bottom of the hierarchy after all, and she, the violet spider, stands at the very top of it.
In one step, she closes the gap between her and the madam and slaps her so hard she falls head first into the wall with a loud bang. Sisi and Meng Shi both startle, putting their hands on their mouth, eyes widening. Bullies only ever attack the weak; if you prove them clearly you are stronger than them, then they yield. It helps that Yu Ziyuan’s station make sure that even if they wanted revenge, they would not be able to ask for it.
And gods it feels good to finally punch someone. It has itched her all evening.
“I think you misread the situation,” she explains the brothel Madam. “The boy you almost let die in your establishment is a disciple of my sect.”
Yu Ziyuan looks at her sworn sister, as she states that. Madam Jin has said as much, before, so it is safe for her to say it, but she is still afraid to hurt her sworn sister’s feelings. This is such a complicated situation, she is walking on eggshells. She just wants to be sure she is not crossing some invisible line that will make her lose her friendship and make her best friend mad at her. But on the other hand she clings to the possibility of keeping everything; her friendship with her sworn sister and the disciple boy. Maybe her husband’s idealism is rubbing on her too much; she had always been so prompt to get rid of any dead weight before (better them than her)...Or maybe she is just tired of sacrificing things hoping it would make things better when it does not. Maybe she wants to start attempting the impossible. It helps that to her delight, Madam Jin nods, approving. There’s truly a chance, she thinks. So Yu Ziyuan continues, the problem easily resolved:
“You say you are losing money? You are asking for compensation? You are lucky we are not asking you for one! Be sure that if our disciple gets any everlasting scars because you refused to heal him when you had a doctor working for you, you will be punished accordingly.”
The Madam is getting whiter and whiter.
“But I thought it was just...a test! That he was not a full disciple yet!”
“Are you implying you know better how sects work than us?” Cuts her Madam Jin.
That makes her shut up.
“Now, tell us, how much these two owes you. Do not lie, do not try to scam us. Or else...”
Zidian might have sparked a little bit loudly after her statement. The Madam rushes to the backdoor and comes back with a book of accounts to prove her words when she gives them the correct amount. It is way more than Yu Ziyuan expected; more than she has in her purse and willing to pay, but Madam Jin barely seems moved at all. She doesn't even try to bargain; when she surely could argue about the price, given Meng Yao’s injuries.
“You will get your money before the end of the conference. And you’ll generously offer us the adding fees you might lose with their absence, as a compensation for almost killing a Jiang disciple.” She states, then turns to Meng Shi and Sisi. “Gets your things, we’re going now.”
The two women do not wait, as if the offer could be taken back. They hurry to their rooms and come back only a couple of minutes later. Yu Ziyuan can only stare at their meager possessions. It will make the trip back easier, especially since they are on a sword, but still, it is fairly disgusting; a whole lifetime here and all they have can be held in a pair of arms.
Slowly, almost proudly, they get out of the brothel, as they pass in front of the room full of prostitutes, trying to entertain their clients before heading them upstairs, Madam Jin stops. She turns to Meng Shi and Sisi and points out:
“Is there anyone here that helped when your son got injured?” She pauses and thinks back, no even less. “Anyone here that has been helpful to the Jiang’s disciple after his fall? If they did they would be rewarded for saving his life.” She adds. “Tell me, point them in, and I will buy their freedom too.”
Unfortunately, both women shake their heads negatively. Sisi does not even point out the one who warned her about Meng Shi as they arrived. Yu Ziyuan is barely surprised, as her tone had been nothing but contempt and held no empathy for the kid’s fate. The prostitutes in the background pale as they leave the brothel.
Yu Ziyuan expected her friend to step into her sword immediately, but she did not, however. She stands there, still looking furious, if more calm.
“Before you go, show me the Inn where my husband is resting.” She orders her friend, firmly.
Meng Shi stumbles and Sisi immediately pulls her behind her back as if she could protect her from the invisible threat. Yu Ziyuan’s eyes narrow, as she is beginning to suspect her friend’s plan. Still she asks:
“What are you going to do?”
Madam Jin huffs, as if the question is stupid.
“Have I not made myself clear?”
When she understands she has not, she adds:
“Your husband has been quite honest: the client responsible for his disciple’s injury will be asked for compensation. I agree with him.”
She gives him a sharky smile.
“He either admits to my face he fathered a bastard, and went behind my back to hit and threaten a mother to silence and almost killed her son. Or he admits he almost killed your disciple by visiting a prostitute.” She pauses and holds Madam Yu’s gaze, fiercely.
They all know what path this coward will choose, his fear of his wife is famous in the cultivation world. Madam Jin resumes:
“I judged the amount of damage we’ve done, and estimated it to be around the amount of two prostitute’s worth. Do you agree with me?”
Yu Ziyuan feels so proud of her best friend and sworn sister right now. She remembers the amount they will have to pay; and judges the offenses, how much the dick stepped on her sworn sister’s pride and made her suffer. Suddenly it looks almost cheap.
Chapter 64: Plotting
Notes:
Hello everyone !
Thank you for your sweet comments it made me so happy that you liked this chapter and Mme Jin's reaction. I hope you'll like this one too, even though the badass women time is over x)As usual this chapter was beta-read by Fraudulent_Moose, big thanks to him and his hard work <3
Previous chapter summary --> Yu Ziyuan told the truth about mneg Yao's lineage to her sworn sister, and while Mme Jin didn't take it very well, she still went to the brothel. There both noble women were shaken by the reality of the prostitution. Not only that, but Sisi revealed them that the client who threw Mneg Yao down the stair had been none other than Jin Guangshan, who probably wanted to threathen Meng Shi to silence and pass his nerves after the humiliation he suffered. Furious Mme Jin decided to ask for compensation on the Jiang Sect's behalf ; after all meng Yao is the disciple of the sect and hurting him is hurting the sect, as said Jiang Fengmian. And she estimated the amount of damage done to the boy was equal to the debt of the two prostitutes that cared and raised him. That's how, before the end of the nigh, Meng Shi and Sisi walked out of the brothel, almost free. It's not over, though, as Mme Jin is still very much angry, as she heads to her husband's inn to have a talk with him, Yu Ziyuan takes the two prostitutes back to Lotus pier, so that mother and son can finally be reunited.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lan Huan had, of course, a lot of trouble going back to sleep after the whole scene. Apart from his disturbed inner clock, worries and guilt kept him up most of the night. Despite Lan Juan’s kind words, he couldn’t help but think that somehow, it might be his fault that his new friend ended in such a pitiful state. A rule forbids from being too self-centered, and he tries to repeat it inside his head to convince himself that all problems are not caused by his actions, that it is foolish to think so, but it is hard to listen to reason in the dead of the night, alone in his bed.
It’s scary, whenever people are hurt, A-Huan is scared. He can’t help it. Will they take Meng Yao away and put him in a house, in seclusion, like mother and father? He looks so badly injured, and only very ill people go to seclusion. People who, he is starting to understand, will never get better.
He must have let out a sound, maybe a sob wasn't as muffled as he had thought it was, because somehow, Lan Juan ends up at his bedside with A-Zhan tugging at her sleeve. Before he can protest, his little brother climbs into the bed and lays beside him, not quite hugging him but almost with an obstinate expression.
“It seems second master couldn’t sleep, would you soothe him?” Asks Lan Juan with a kind smile. “I will…”
She opens the window of their bedroom, that gives a view of the courtyard and lotus ponds. The infirmary cannot be seen, but A-Huan knows where it is still, and it’s not far.
“I will keep watch.”
Words are stuck in his throat, so he simply nods and hums an answer as he cuddles his little brother closer. And A-Zhan lets him do so without any complaint. A-Huan wishes uncle was there with them, but not being alone, trapped in a room where he feels so tiny helps already. He curls closer and closes his eyes...and is surprised by the low hums he can barely hear; A-Zhan is humming a familiar song so low that it’s barely audible. It’s the one father plays when they are in mother’s home. A-Huan is grateful for his little brother’s kindness.
His worries certainly do not disappear, but the world slowly fades away as he falls back to sleep, carried by the melody. As he drifts away, he hopes that Lan Juan is right, and that, when he opens his eyes, everything will be settled again. When he wakes up again at the crack of dawn, it seems so. There are hushed voices coming from outside, and Lan Juan is discussing with her husband...and other women. he recognizes Madam Yu, but the one from earlier that carried Meng Yao, but also a new one. This woman A-Huan guesses, must be Meng Yao’s mother. She has to be, she is so pretty; almost as pretty as A-Huan’s mother. No wonder Meng Yao looks so cute!
A-Huan hesitates a bit, as A-Zhan is still sleeping at his side, his little fists curled around his robe, but he manages to get out of his grip and sneak out of bed without waking him up. Lan Juan promised to wake him and tell him about Meng Yao after all, he is authorized to ask she keeps her words!
“I’m not…!” Lan Yuan pouts, obviously annoyed, not noticing it. “This is not my expertise.”
“Are you a doctor or not?” Insists Madam Yu. “She is sick, I’m not letting her get close to children without a check-up. Two sick children are enough.”
“Dear, come on, it won’t take long.” Adds Lan Juan with a smile.
“No. I refuse.” He looks again at the two women. “Ask the Yunmeng Jiang’s doctor. Or a woman. it’s even better. Not me. I’m a Lan. I’m not doing it. I’m not this type of doctor. I’m not doing this kind of check-up down there! ”
A-Huan is skeptical. Down there? He looks on the ground and doesn’t get why Lan Yuan should be doing anything there. He is right, that makes no sense, he is a doctor, not a gardener?
“She is coughing, there’s no reason for checking down there!” Scoffs Sisi.
“But it might! And when you do a check-up after your kind of job you do it all the way! And I’m not!” Insists Lan Yuan, stubborn. “I’m not helping during labor either. Ask someone else; a woman, preferably. Come back to me when your arm is broken, that I can do! If you Qi deviate; even better! But not that!”
“A-Shun…you’re being ridiculous.” Lan Juan almost growls, and it’s the first time A-Huan ever heard her use this tone or Lan Yuan’s baby name.
Lan Yuan, however, has a strategy to avoid the disappointing and annoyed tone his wife gives him:
“Yes, I am ridiculous!” He confesses.
And then puts his hands on his ears (almost knocking himself in the head with his own cast) and runs away.
“I can’t believe you married that!” Grumbles Madam Yu, pissed.
“I pity what your wedding night has been like if he is refusing to look dow-oooooh looks who is here! ”Sisi manages to correct as soon as she sees A-Huan.
The first young master gets the adults’ attention.
“Young master Lan, you should be in your bed!” States Madam Yu, with a scowl.
“I...I’m sorry, I saw Lan Juan up. I thought…”
Lan Juan sighs, a hand on her cheek, embarrassed:
“I promised him to tell him how Meng Yao was. Just a moment, first young master.” She turns to the other women: “I’m sorry for my husband’s disrespect. It’s not against you, he would act like that with every woman, he is just...very shy...and tired and grumpy. If it’s okay with you, I will check your body. I have studied healing arts too.”
“Thank you.” bows Meng Yao’s mother, her voice very much like her son, all soft. A-Huan can’t get his eyes off her. She has a mark on her cheek, like Meng Yao. It must hurt a great deal. Is that why she needs to see a doctor too? Is she okay?
“I’m sorry to interrupt you,” he says to the adults, as he gets close to them…” he asks Lan Juan, as he gets close to her. “But…”
“Yes, yes sorry!” She takes him in her arms like he weighs nothing and puts him on eye level with every other adult. Meng Yao’s mother looks at him puzzled, but kind. She is the one who answers him, smiling:
“My son is okay. The doctor here took good care of him, he is going to make it. Thank you for caring about him so much.”
A-Huan smiles back, his heart beating faster. He doesn’t get why.
“Can I see him now?”
Then he notices the adult’s expression and he gets why; he can almost guess their next words: not now, in a month, she is too sick right now. He almost imitates Lan Yuan and puts his hands on his ears to not hear it, again. But he can’t do that; it’s probably against the rule to act so childish, so he braces himself for the bad news...and grits his teeth under the restraint. But all he gets is a gentle pat on the head and a soft smile:
“Tomorrow.” Lan Juan promises with a soft smile. “Once he wakes up. For now, he needs to rest. And you do too. "
A-Huan holds into that promise.
***
The adults have an emergency meeting not long after sunrise. Which means that Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze are as lively as fierce corpses. They try to include Lan Yuan, after he came out of his hiding place (and he asked if they stopped wanting him to touch any other woman other than his wife, which was weird, in Fengmian’s honest opinion) but...Well, the healer is very invested in the debate. A tad too much.
"I didn’t know you bonded so much with our little disciple," comments Fengmian, surprised by the anger radiating from Lan Yuan.
"I did not, he is a patient, nothing else."
"It’s a kid, he doesn’t like kids being hurt, what a great future father he will be," sighs dreamily Lan Juan next to him.
"I do not!" Protests Lan Yuan, his cheeks red. " It’s just the stairs! There’s a stair pusher in the area and stairs are very dangerous for my wife! I cannot tolerate a stair pusher in the same area as her! Do you know how deadly falling down stairs can be? "
And he starts telling Fengmian how many injuries one can suffer from such a fall; it seems there are indeed a lot of deadly ones.
“One should not kill,” he states very seriously, once he is done with his list. “I will make sure to keep the one responsible very, very alive, as I break every single bone of his-”
He doesn’t stay for the debate, in the end, Lan Juan, very embarrassed suddenly, orders him to go to bed before he starts threatening the sect leader and a war clan.
“What about the not inflicting unnecessary pain rule?” They hear the Lan wife admonishing her husband.
“This is very necessary pain: teaching pain, very-necessary-for-my-peace-of-mind pain-”
“I think he has a point,” whispers Cangse Sanren, though, as the Lan couple exit from the room.
“Breaking every bone in his body should be appropriate. Are dicks a bone? If they are, we should definitely break that one.”
“Noted.” Wei Changze answers back. His wife is not aware of it, but since the Lan are out of the room, they can start plotting against the Jin without risking to bring another clan into their mess.
“Do dicks have bones though, you didn’t say?”
“I do not know.”
“You’re a boy and an adviser, how can you not know. Do you know? Fengmian?”
“I really do not want to have this conversation with you.”
“I think Fengmian does not know either. A pity. What should we d-”
Madam Jin, however, comes back to Lotus Pier, interrupting that terrible conversation. She is still very furious too; she announces to Fengmian that her husband would be paying some reparation fees, ignoring everyone else. Which implied that her husband had made his choice; the cowardly one where he did not tell his wife the truth, denied his bastard, and decided to pay. Yu Ziyuan does regret they didn’t free more prostitutes while doing so, to increase the amount of money the dick would have to pay. Still, there’s a certain irony, to make him free the woman he wronged and refused to help. That pleases her, and she has no doubt that it is what pushed Madam Jin to act like that. Kindness? More out of spite.
Madame Jin does not tell them, however, that her shitty husband tried to turn her against them, arguing that somehow, Jiang Fengmian must have heard about rumors, and tried to accuse someone else of his wrongdoing. Worse, he tried to appear as a victim, and had the nerve to tell her that surely, Yu Ziyuan had known and tried to trap him too. Madam Jin knows better who to believe, of course, but that still added oil to her fire. She was angry; angry that her shitty husband had the opportunity to twist the truth and make it sound so possible. For anyone not acquainted with Yu Ziyuan or Jiang Fengmian, the theory would sound as good as any other one.
But the result is what matters.
Yu Ziyuan can’t help but think Fengmian feels the same, she is sure. He, after all, greeted her arrival with the two prostitutes with a knowing smile and a glance that screamed “see, everything turned out okay” . Yu Ziyuan wouldn’t say everything is well and over quite yet, though.
“What about the two women? What will we do with them?” Asks Cangse Sanren, yawning.
They are currently in the infirmary, with Meng Yao, after Lan Juan cleared Meng Shi. Apparently the prostitute had a very bad case of winter seasonal disease, that was not taken seriously enough. It might not be dangerous most of the time; unless it settled in one person’s lungs and returned every year or so, worsening every time until the patient couldn’t breathe and died from it. Which was apparently very likely to happen if Meng Shi did not receive treatment. For those reasons, though, it was better for her to avoid young children. Especially Wen Ning, who is already weak and sick. Meng Yao being an exception as he is probably immune to it, since he lived through the cold season with her without catching it.
“I don’t want to see them.” Affirms Madam Jin, firmly. “And I do not want my son getting anywhere near this Meng Yao ever again.”
Cangse Sanren seems about to step up and protest, but Wei Changze stops her. Jiang Fengmian simply looks sad and resigned; she did warn him after all. Madam Jin continues:
“When we will be visiting Lotus Pier I want him out. I don’t care where, but out.”
Wei Changze pulls a strange face in the background; Yu Ziyuan reacts first because she fears what he might get from this declaration, that Madam Jin asks them to throw the boy out tonight despite his wounds. She thought that her sworn sister had accepted the boy in the Jiang before but maybe that was just a heat of the moment imprecision, maybe she changed her mind after confronting her husband. This is not acceptable. Yu Ziyuan will not accept that; neither will Fengmian. But she cannot betray her best friend either.
“Of course, we will see him out right now if that’s what you want,” she says to her sworn sister, putting a hand on her shoulder, while the other, free, makes rapid and precise movement, conveying another message entirely, using the language they developed. Find a place, protection, it means. She wants Wei Changze to know that even if they have to drive the boy out tonight, they will not leave him defenseless and wounded.
But they do not have to come to that. Madam Jin shrugs Yu Ziyuan’s hand off of her back (it hurts) and states:
“Did I tell you to do this? Of course not! I’m not heartless. I said next time I visit.” Madam Jin snaps.
Fengmian can’t help but smile, relieved too. It would have been troublesome to find a way to satisfy her demand if she had. Still, he inquires:
“But the boy can remain here, as a disciple, right? Tonight, until his wounds are healed, and in the future? As a Jiang sect disciple?”
“Of course! How would we explain the compensation fees if not? I just don’t want to see him. I don’t care about what he does, and becomes, as long as he never steps into Carp tower to claim whatever heritage he thinks he has right over!”
For the first time, she turns to her sworn sister and says:
“I’m counting on you for that, do not let the boy get any weird ideas, make things clear with him.”
Yu Ziyuan should be annoyed, she supposes, but she is simply relieved that the worst hasn’t happened. Her sworn sister still trusts her, Meng Yao can stay...Honestly, this talk with Madam Jin goes as well as it can be, given the circumstances. Yu Ziyuan expected worse, way worse. That didn’t mean she was happy with it still; as her best friend and sworn sister is still obviously angry and suffering, and their bond is somehow damaged. It can be mended, she hopes. It’s not gone yet, that’s what matters.
“Of course, count on me.” She promises.
Jiang Fengmian’s eyes narrow; he is not sure he likes to see his lady like this, so eager to please and obey, so desperate to keep their bond alive that she is willing to step on her temper. He does not say anything because the situation is complicated enough, but he suddenly gets what she had meant in their bedroom, hours earlier. He is glad he didn’t reduce the woman he loves in such a state with his actions, but despair that the situation, and her sworn sister, still managed to do it despite her wishes.
“We will make sure Meng Yao will see reason and not want anything to do with the Jin,” adds Wei Changze with a resolute voice.
His sentence might seem polite, with his expressionless face and courteous demeanor, but when you know him, this is so obviously a provocation. We will make him happier than you ever could, it implies. Yu Ziyuan is glad her friend cannot see it as she does not know the man well enough.
“And when you visit Lotus Pier, I’m sure we can send Meng Yao training for a week or two to other sects. He made friends with the Lan and the Nie here, I don't see why I would not allow this friendship to flourish by giving them the opportunity to train together every once in a while,” adds Fengmian.
“As for the prostitutes…” Cangse Sanren says, with another yawn. “Well, we could use some help...As you pointed out, our room is very dusty and we’re...unfortunately in no shape to do the cleaning.”
“You want to make them your servants?” Asks Jiang Fengmian, surprised. And Wei Changze sends his wife a strange glance.
“I was more thinking of something in the lines like Jinzhu and Yinzhu, you know badass maids, pshiu! pshiu! cleaning done! The bad guy killed, children bathed! Wow kind, and able to break their opponent’s jaw next time someone tries to slap them! You see?”
No. No one sees it happening. Yu Ziyuan doubts they can; Yinzhu and Jinzhy trained since childhood to become more than just maids but also protectors...But well, they sure can try, and after all, isn’t the motto of the Jiang is to attempt the impossible? It cannot hurt them to learn self-defense tricks, and it is true that the Wei couple needs help lately; on more practical levels. She had realized as much tonight; when Sisi banged at the door of the sect.
“Okay, fine, you can try to do that,” she concedes. “Yinzhu and Jinzhu will help and supervise their training then.”
“YES!” Yells Cangse Sanren, falling backward after a being a little too vigorous with her victory movement.
Cangse Sanren is a woman-child; she wishes the two prostitutes good luck protecting that. Wei Changze helps his wife gets back to a sitting position.
"If they wish it," he insists. "If not we will find another solution for them."
"Of course of course!" Promises Cangse Sanren. "But who doesn’t want to turn into awesome fighting maids like Yinzhu and Jinzhu?"
They ignore her comment, because it’s stupid.
"If they do not wish to be," says Jiang Fengmian. "I might have another role to give them, I just need a little bit more time planning it."
He thinks about the inn idea, the one inspired by Meng Yao’s watchtowers. But that can wait, so he turns to other matters and Madam Jin:
“I could move the closure of the banquet, on the last day, makes it inside Lotus Pier. So all main sect leaders will be there. Your husband might as well give the money there; that way he can do it without being noticed and feeling further humiliated. "
Madam Jin frowns, showing that she would very much enjoy her husband being further humiliated, on the contrary. But Jiang Fengmian can’t have that; he is already trying to prevent a war with the Wen, he cannot allow another one to start with the Jin right now. So he continues, tired:
"Leave the negotiations to me, I will make sure he understands the price is very much justified and not cause a scene.“
“ You should be warned then; he plans to put it on your back.“ States Madam Jin with a tensed jaw. “When I confronted him, he said the prostitute claimed she had a son with a Sect Leader, and that, out of worry for you, his friend, he went to talk to her to make sure she stops spreading her lies. That the whole set up is merely a sad accident.“
Jiang Fengmian tenses, Yu Ziyuan is outraged, she does not know how her husband still find the strength in himself to smile and speak calmly after hearing such lies: “
“I’m very thankful for your understanding and your patience, madam Jin.”
But madam Jin is not. Patient; at the very least. Understanding? Maybe a little; she gets the unspoken message of the sect leader, to not start a war today. But it’s not like she can start one anyway; unfortunately, she holds no such power. The Jin had always been an old fashioned clan; and her husband’s politics allowed too many old men to reach their current position and too few women. She cannot plan a coup with so little allies and so many potential enemies; even if they ever disagreed with Jin Guangshan, they’d have too much to lose by opening the door for a female Sect leader. And if she plots, aiming for her husband’s death, she accepts the risk of getting caught. Which meant executed at worst. Which meant leaving her son, her baby, alone with him. She saw what good it had done to him, last time: he came back changed, unable to eat and stand dirt. She will never allow her son to be hurt that much again. No, she can’t kill her husband nor make him fall from his seat. She might not be patient, but she will have to endure it until Jin Zixuan rightfully takes his place at the very top of the clan.
But, to make up for it, she can be petty. Oh so petty! And she will be. She turns to Wei Changze and states:
“You have a full day of preparation for your revenge then. Plan well. Do not get caught, cause a war, or kill him.”
Wei Changze bows cautiously.
“Permission to humiliate him?”
“Granted.”
Jiang Fengmian opens his mouth, but Wei Changze catches him doing so and assures :
“I won’t bring trouble to the sect, I will make sure it’s a humiliation he can’t accuse anyone of.”
“Don’t be needlessly cruel either,” still protests Fengmian; because avenging someone is something, but there’s a limit he does not wish his friend to cross.
He had been okay last time; when his friend burned down an inn, a man's entire life’s work, and he should have not. He had made a mistake because of anger; even if he didn’t feel like he had been furious enough to be blinded by it. But that’s the catch with this emotion, after all, making you feel righteous and sure of yourself. That’s why he doesn’t like witnessing it or harboring it. Even now the possibility he had made this mistake leaves a sour taste in his mouth. Maybe he did it because he simply didn’t know the innkeeper, the man had been a stranger in his mind, someone he barely talked to, so his compassion had been dulled and Jiang Fengmian hadn’t cared about his fate. It would be easier for him to accept this reason. But that’s another matter he will have to deal with himself over meditations. Anyways, the man had deserved punishment, but not this one, they had learned that fact the hard way later, paid for it, quite literally, during the trial. Jiang Fengmian is okay with doing a prank, but punishment? He doesn’t see the point; it’s not like he isn’t sad over what happened to his disciple; truthfully he is indignant, but they have secured Meng Yao and his family’s situation, the sect too, and earned compensation to make sure the guilty one knew that he had done wrong and should not try again… The fact that he lied to cover him is disappointing (annoying, infuriating) but had to be expected. Jiang Fengmian still feels like the battle is over. But he sees he is the minority thinking that here, everyone else determined to avenge the kid. And he is tired of fighting all the time, every day, everyone, yesterday, today and even tomorrow. So he lets them do as they please, simply putting barriers where he thinks it’s the most needed. That’s at least one battle he has less to lead.
Wei Changze nods, not quite understanding but obedient, while Madam Jin scoffs:
“We will be just the right amount of cruelty.” She promises.
“Can I break his bones?” Inquires Wei Changze.
“As many as he broke the boy’s.”
“Castrate him?”
She smiles like a shark. Fengmian facepalms.
“Can you really do that?”
Wei Changze hums and takes a sip of his tea (which must contain medicine because he looks at it and pulls out his tongue with a disgusted expression right after it. Sneaky Lan healers; trying to heal him behind his back and even in the middle of the night!) and shrugs at the question:
“I will figure something out. After all, we have to make sure our staff stays safe if we invite him to Lotus Pier.” He looks at his wife while he, reluctantly, takes another sip of his tea. This time his expression is a little bit more schooled. Cangse Sanren has the decency to look sorry.
Jiang Fengmian resigns himself over this, as it is indeed a legitimate concern, quite aware that given the limited time they have he will not be able to replace all the female servants with men. He has the duty to assure their protection and unfortunately, with Jin Guangshan’s tendencies, it becomes evident they have to come to this.
“Temporary castration.” He orders. “Not a bloody one.”
“Break his dick bones!” Encourages Cangse Sanren. “If it has one.“
“Dicks don’t have bones.“ Informs Madam Jin, with a frown.
“You’re such a killjoy.“
“I’m sure we can make sure..." Wei Changze pauses in the middle of his sentence, frowning as his phrasing for a moment, before deciding he is too tired to be eloquent and resumes ; "That his dick cannot perform anymore without breaking or cutting it.“
“If you learn how to do that, I want the tips,” Adds Madam Jin. Before resuming; “I see that, at the very least, the Jiang are my ally. I’m afraid though, that after such an incident, my husband might not see it that way.”
Especially if they fail their vengeance and get caught. Her words are tricky, while alone it would not be taken as a betrayal, her tone, however, leaves a sour taste in their mouths. War is inevitable, it implies, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or the day after, but in the future? Surely. Her husband does not take well humiliation. And she does not either; it is the one common point they share. Jiang Fengmian immediately picks it up but remains silent. He cannot fight on two fronts, if war there should be he can only plot to make sure it does not happen at the same time. He exchanges a glance with Wei Changze, who gets it too, and Yu Ziyuan.
Yu Ziyuan is no fool, she understands it too, and delaying this matter until they can fight it will be her job as she is Madam Jin’s sworn sister. Unfortunately, Madam Jin avoids her glance and prefers to turn to Cangse Sanren:
“I heard you are working on spiritual tools, lately? That you sell your services as a creator?”
That seems to chase all tiredness from Cangse Sanren’s eyes, as she grins:
“Yeah, I do! Why, do you want a weapon?”
“I would like to commission something indeed. If you succeed your price will be mine.”
Cangse Sanren’s smile grows wider, which is not a good sign.
“What do you want?”
“I want a spiritual tool that could identify one’s parentage.”
Yu Ziyuan’s frowns, failing to see how that would ever be useful in their current case; as much as she is angry at the two prostitutes, they seemed quite certain of Meng Yao’s father's identity. And madam Jin had been quite clear about what she wanted to do about this particular piece of information; shove it in her husband’s throat and make sure no one ever heard about it. So why?
“...And I want you to make a fake tool that looks exactly the same as this spiritual tool, but will not work.” Continues Madam Jin.
Ah. They all get her plan then; showing off the spiritual tool’s efficiency in front of witnesses, and then switching it with the fake one before testing it one Meng Yao. That way it would not show Jin Guangshan. It’s...Sneaky, and dishonest. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t like it. But it’s smart; and things are going in a favorable way for them, she does not want to stir trouble and make her sworn sister change her mind; turn against them, with a comment. So she shuts up.
Cangse Sanren pouts, not happy with it though, and she turns to Wei Changze with a frown.
“Will the Madam allow us to tell the truth to Meng Yao, so he knows it is a scam?” The man inquires in his wife’s stead, probably saving the day because there’s no way Cangse Sanren would have said that as politely as him.
“The boy suffered enough, I would rather not add scars to his heart when he might already sustain so many on his body already.” insists Jiang Fengmian after his best friend.
“You are responsible for him, your disciple; do as you see fits. I don’t care about him.” She answers them, scowling.
It is true. Madam Jin might have cared for the kid, as much as you could care for a good boy you briefly met and watched over for two days. But it is not the case anymore, something snapped inside her heart, as she heard what her sworn sister’s revelation. She doesn’t quite manage to know what exactly broke (apart from her patience) but she is not willing to fix it for Meng Yao or Meng Shi. She tries, really, to think of the boy, to remember the state he had been brought here in, and to summon the same anger, the same feeling she had, only a few hours ago. But it’s gone. Locked away or vanished, either way, the result is much the same; she feels nothing but cold reason. She has to plan, make sure they will never plot against her or her son. She has to take revenge while not getting caught, as she still has Jin Zixuan to look over. She cannot afford to be stupid, or her baby will be left alone with this dickhead she married. She cannot allow it. She will not allow it.
That’s sad, but good enough for the others, apparently. They do not force her to feel for anyone but herself and her son. She is almost grateful for that, almost.
"Your plan would work better," tries Wei Changze, "If the spiritual tool Cangse makes up shows that he is the son of someone else."
The man is smart, he got the vital point of her command; to cut this path for Meng Yao and Meng Shi. Madam Jin already has their words, but words are not enough. Jin Guangshan had betrayed his vows after all.
"It would," she confirms. "But who would accept a prostitutes child? You?"
Wei Changze does not laugh, and Madam Jin realizes that he might. But Cangse Sanren surprises them again:
"No."
Her frown is deep, and it’s the first time she sees the woman without her smile (as she hadn’t looked at her when Meng Yao was brought in, a few hours earlier). Wei Changze turns to his wife:
"Cangse..."
"No!" Cangse Sanren repeats, and her tone is firm, angry. Madam Jin recognizes it, as it is the same as her own; the tone of a betrayed wife.
" Why? " Asks Jiang Fengmian, confused. "It would really make things easier, and it’s not like you’re opposed to adopting kids, I heard you-"
"Yes, adopting is okay! I don’t mind, if you want to adopt this boy, Changze, I will support you, heck, if the boy didn’t have a mother already I would adopt him too! But I refuse-"
"Why?" Repeats Fengmian, and Yu Ziyuan sighs beside her friend while Wei Changze closes his eyes.
"Because the boy is 8 years old!" Insists Cangse Sanren, stubborn. “Wei Changze had already eloped with me then!"
Jiang Fengmian opens his mouth, finally understanding the problem. He never quite thought his friend could be jealous; and he is not sure she is, right now. Cangse Sanren might be shameless, but she has her limits, and apparently those limits are lying about her not-husband’s faithfulness. Wei Changze’s lips thin, but he does not protest, instead he takes his wife’s hands in his and whispers:
"You know that, if I take him as my ward, if I adopt him, these rumors would be there anyway?"
"Of course I do! But rumors are one thing, using my tool to confirm it is another!"
"But you will know it’s a lie."
"Well, maybe I’m sick of you lying about your past!"
Her words could cut, if Yu Ziyuan had been the one saying them, surely it would have; but Cangse Sanren’s voice breaks as she gives it, and her hands escape her husband’s grip to cup his face.
"Please, stop doing this to yourself," she begs him. “Don’t do this to me.“
And Wei Changze’s will falters. He sees his best friend’s expression, the same worry marking his features, too.
He does not see how this tiny lie could harm him as much as the one that buried his parents, deep inside his heart, but apparently Cangse Sanren and Jiang Fengmian fear it. Or maybe his wife will be the one breaking by it, this time, and he cannot endure what she had last week. So he closes his eyes and accepts:
"Fine. Just...makes your tool does not show Jin GuangShan and Meng Yao’s bond."
Cangse Sanren kisses him and her lips form a silent thank you on his. When she turns to Madam Jin and Madam Yu, her eyes are clear, but her voice still a little bit wobbly:
“When do you need it?”
“Before the closing ceremony and banquet at Lotus Pier.”
The inventor lets out a tiny squeal that sounds very much like panic.
“Better get to work today then!” She still smiles, up to the challenge. “I’m not sure I will be able to pull it through, the time is very short. Fengmian I will need to borrow your secret stuff about spells and seal bonds linked to your family so I can get how it works !”
Fengmian makes a not-very happy sound. Yu Ziyuan relates; it is one thing to order Cangse Sanren an invention for the sect and give her the tools for it, or the base spell to improve...it is another to give her the potential to crack the key of the vault protecting all their sect’s secrets. Cangse Sanren ignores them, her goal laying elsewhere. Yu Ziyuan recognizes the light in her eyes; the one that precedes a stupid disaster, the new joke she will say to hide her distress. And of course, Cangse Sanren turns to Madam Jin:
“If I succeed in making that...I want you to swear sisterhood with me as payment!”
“No.”
The answer is final. Madam Jin might have been joking about it earlier, maybe even a tiny bit curious and willing before; but the revelation changed her mind. Cangse Sanren moans, dejected.
“Well, I tried.” She doesn’t let herself be depressed for long, sign that it had been nothing but a way to divert people’s attention and adds: “It’s going to cost you a lot, and I’m gonna spend it all to buy gifts to my new maid-friends and their adorable son though!”
“Do as you please, I do not care.” Madam Jin shrugs. “Then since all is said and done. Now, excuse me-”
And she leaves the room to go back to her chamber. As she passes next to Yu Ziyuan though, the sworn sister takes the time to say what she hadn’t until now:
“I’m sorry.”
“You better be,” Madam Jin answers, with a sad, tensed smile.
Anger is not easy to deal with; it would be great if you always could direct it toward the one who deserved it, but it’s not always the case. Meng Yao, Meng Shi, Yu Ziyuan, all these people are closer, accessible when her husband is...Well, he is out of reach and protected by his status. Yu Ziyuan understands. She understands, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less to be on the receiving end.
Jiang Fengmian puts a comforting hand on his wife’s shoulder:
“Give her some time to cool down…I’m sure she will come around and understand. And you will both be back to normal.”
“Yeah, once her husband is punished, she’ll be okay again, let her push you into the pond once or twice, maybe…” adds Cangse Sanren, not helping.
Wei Changze doesn’t say anything at first, but when they all head out to their chamber, determined to get at least a little bit of rest tonight — or should they say, this morning? — he calls:
“Madam?”
Yu Ziyuan stops and stares, apprehensive. She is...just not okay with being scolded right now, or witnessing what remains of their friendship. She already lost him and is very much afraid of losing her oldest bond. Can this wait? Just... Not now. She is afraid she might snap by accident and make things worse. She couldn’t be that way with her friend, she couldn’t be herself; and it boils in her veins all this frustration, this deception, she is not sure she can contain it any longer; but any mistake with Wei Changze might shatter whatever she has managed to salvage.
But to her surprise, Wei Changze bows to her:
“Thank you.”
She blinks, not sure she understands.
“I didn’t do anything?”
On the contrary, she blew up his plan, from what she gathered, he wanted to keep the truth under the rug. She went her way, to be honest with her friend, and made things worse; the fact that things didn’t turn out to be as bad as she feared didn’t mean...Didn’t change that it might have been and the blame is on her. Did he get under the false impression she controlled her best friend’s anger and reaction? That the fact they purchased the two prostitutes’ freedom and managed to keep Meng Yao as a disciple is somehow partially due to her talking to her sworn sister? Then he is utterly wrong. She didn’t do anything and it infuriates and disgusts her on so many levels. She doesn’t even recognize her own self, she is the one who usually makes people yield, not the other way around!
If I lie, she realizes, if I let him think this way and do not deny his interpretation, will he forgive me? Will we be back to what we once were?
Could she regain his friendship, his trust, again?
And how she wants it. She really, really does. In this unfair night, she craves to get back what she lost.
But she cannot. What worth would be this regained trust, if it’s built on a lie?
Yu Ziyuan is a lot of things, she is irritable, selfish, has anger management problems, but she is not a liar. She hates lying. Look what lying did to him? To his family? To her sworn sister? She is too tired for this shit. She doesn’t want to deal with consequences like that ever again. She doesn’t want to be something she knows she is not.
“I did nothing.”
Truth be told she didn’t even consider this a possibility, if they had let her, she would have asked the boy to be sent away, in some minor sect loyal to the Jiang. Maybe not even this. She is not sure, she didn’t have time to think much about it. Sure the boy’s accident changed things and she would have considered his wounds and probably acted as much as she did when the Wei turned up fatally injured so many months ago but...But she would have never gone the way her friend chose, even if she is very happy she did. Yu Ziyuan explains as much, honest. He listens, and looks, silent until the end.
“Then,” he says when she is finished. “Thank you for always telling the truth.”
Because that’s something he can respect; something he is unable to do yet and will have to learn from scratch. After this, he goes back, limping still, to his room. He does not give her a second glance or thought. His compliment, however, rings in Yu Ziyuan’s chest; its echo is almost promising of something she thought had vanished.
Notes:
And then next chapter we're back to some fluff. The angst is -i think- mostly over. Last chapter i was not in shape to make end notes, so i will make up with this one...
First i have a question i want to ask you all, dear readers ; as you may know there will be a timeskip in this fic (i mean i complain about it since the gusu arc xD) ; but a reader advised me that it might be a little bit clever to stop this story at the timeskip...to start a new one in the same serie, in short a a follow-up one. So that new readers aren't scared about the amount of chapters in this one...And while i agree with the sentiment, i have also argument against it like what do i do sub-plot that won't be resolved before the timeskip because, well...it's not supposed to ??
Anyways what do you think about it? Would you rather have two fanfics or just a big BIG one?
It's the reason i took back some tags (ship tags mostly) ; to only leave the ship of couple that have moments in this part of the story. (That way readers aren't disappointed when they go through 60+ chapters waiting for their ships and ending up with "see you next fanfic for your otp ;)" they are still very much happening just you'll have to wait after timeskip for them to appear and be developped... I simply removed them in the tag fic but they are in the serie description!! ^^
Now that i asked my question, here is my newest weird dream for you :
Time traveller AU, where the time traveler where NHS and LXC come back in the past on agreement to save their sworn brothers/brother (because NHS after revenge didn't feel better at all like he thought he would and LXC was depressed in seclusion...) So they come back a little bit before the death of Jin Zixuan. Obviously they decide to go against Jin Guangshan, Zixun and Shu she...While NHS tries to help WWX's group because they might be able to cure his brother's qi deviation since they are demonic cultivator / resentful energy expert there...And LXC goes more political about the fix it, and decides to put Madam Jin in the confidence to get help from the inside of Carp Tower to plot (since he doesn't want to trust JGY again he is a tiny bit angry / heartbroken still). EXCEPT what they did not know was that...The reason why Madam Jin died of heartbreak after Jin Zixuan's death is because she had her hand in this : see in carp tower there was a battle of dominance and Mme Jin plotted just as much as she wished to expose her husband and his bastard's wrongdoing to take over / give the post to her son. Jin Guangyao added Jin Zixuan to the plot last minute because he wanted to make sure she couldn't involve him without making her own son fall too...And he died and it broke her heart because she felt responsible. Idk it made sense in the dream. (Maybe my brain just wanted evil!madam Jin after making her badass last chapter. I confess i wanted a duel between evimastermindl!Mme Jin and evilmastermind!Jin Guangyao). Anyways, in the end the whole group was stuck in the cave and everyone thought it was Jin Guangyao who was behind this but then suddenly Mme Jin took out a dagger and got "It was I that set the house ablaze mwahahah" and wei wuxian made "well i didn't see that one coming" before getting stabbed and Lan Xichen went "IS NO ONE IS THIS DAMN FAMILY NOT A FUCKING LIAR" and i woke up feeling very offusqued on lan Wangji's behalf.
I hoped to have a follow-up dream where they all teamed up with Jin guangyao to fix this mess, manage to save him somehow and take over carp tower...
But in the end i dreamed of Jin Guangyao going to cloud Recesses and Lan Xichen accidentally drinking alchohol and ending up sad-drunk complaining on his sworn brother's laps about his little brother's cursh. And JGY was like "wait what crush???" because no one will make me believe JGY knew about LWJ's crush before he went into mourning seclusion. And then JGY realized that killing WWX meant hurting LWJ which meant hurting LXC and he went "oh fuck" and had to rework his whole evil plot last minute so that no one got killed / and he still got the styrgian amulet to give his shitty father -which would ended up killing him but that wasn't very clear in the dream. (And also Nie Huaisang helped and they ended up being little masterminds shit saving the wolrd). I might write this one on day as it seems short enough and it might ends with wangxian (of course), 3zun and my new fav Nie Huaisang/Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing...
Voilààà...
Have a nice day ;)
Chapter 65: To Survive
Notes:
Sorry this chapter arrive so late !! I was travelling all day long, the 6hours travel by car turned into a gigantic 10 hours...x-x Let's say i'm a little bit exhausted right now xD
Previous chapter summary --> The accident with Meng Yao and the arrival of Meng Shi at Lotus pier called for an emergency meeting between the adults and Mme Jin. Together they talked through it and decided several things : first, since Mme Jin can't get rid of her husband for political reasons and Lotus Pier can't afford two wars (against the Wen and the Jin) at the same time, they will have to settle for a tiny revenge on Jin Guangshan. Wei Changze is working on it. Second Meng Shi and Sisi will be allowed to stay and be under the direct supervision of JinZhu and Yinzhu, in the hope (Cangse Sanren's hopes) that they will become badass maids. Meng yao will also remain a disciple of Lotus Pier, at the sole condition that he is not around when Mme Jin (and her son) visit and that they never cross path again. And finally, Mme Jin asked Cangse Sanren to make her a spiritual tool that will recognize one's blood children and the exact replica that will not, in order to trick her husband, on the closure banquet, that he attacked an innocent child...Once everything was talked about, all adult went on to do what they had to...In the meanwhile, Meng Yao opened his eyes...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When Meng Yao opens his eyes again his mind is hazy. There’s little to no memories of last night; he recalls sentences he has to repeat, strange Lan rules he memorized and had to recite before telling it again backward, over and over again, and pain. He is not used to having gaps in his memory. It should be scary. He should also feel ashamed to have bothered so many people — to have woken up the whole sect in the middle of the night and been a burden to his sect leader — made a show of himself and his life’s situation in front of people that could use this weakness against him. He doesn’t. His mind is numb and his mother is here, by his bedside, reading a book, and that’s all that matters right now. Because last time he saw her she was screaming as Jin Guangshan slapped Meng Yao hard for daring to humiliate him in front of other sect leaders. As if it wasn’t just the opposite that had happened.
" Mom... " He whispers, you’re safe, he wants to say, but instead, he supplies; " what are you doing here? "
They are not back in the brothel, that much he can see, he recognizes the infirmary room of the Jiang Sect; he saw it enough the week Wei Changze had been in comatose here. It didn’t make sense for his mother to be here, the Madam would have never allowed her to leave the brothel unsupervised. And despite his blurry memories of last night (is it even last night? How long did he sleep?) He remembers being cold with only Sisi and the bookseller talking to him as everything was dark around him.
Meng Shi turns her head in his direction; and offers him a blinding smile, that is just a tiny bit less radiant because of the slap mark on her cheek. She doesn’t hug him and simply pats his head tenderly. Sisi is by her side, as she always is, and huffs at the scene, hands on her hips:
“We are at the Jiang sect, you silly goose! You protested against it so much, how could you forget about it? I thought I would have to tie you up to the cart to force you to get there!”
Sisi is not very happy with the kid; she had told him a million times already not to be embarrassed about seeking help. She knows he is a young boy, with more pride than he should have, given his station, but he has to learn to swallow that; and also to understand that accepting hands is not a weakness or an embarrassment. Do blind people refuse to use their walking stick because that makes them look weak? No! Do sick people refuse medications? No again! The Jiang were willing to protect him, so why make such a scene about accepting what they are offering so kindly? She will make him learn this, one day, she promises; uses what weapon you have at your disposal dammit! The brothel should have taught him that one already! This is like one of the most important rules after " don’t get attached to people " (which she is failing, because when some people fall in love, it gives them wings, but when Sisi falls in love, she falls to the very bottom of the pit). The second rule is “everything is business, treat it like a trade " though, and if he doesn’t want to get the first one she can twist his logic so it can fit the second one.
“Sisi, not now, please,” whispers Meng Shi, patient. And also probably siding with her son; even though she is cunning and learned this lesson by heart. (But she also failed the first rule too, after she gave birth to her son. She took one look at him, at this tool that was supposed to give her her freedom and couldn’t help but love him more than her own life). Though she is more experienced than Meng Yao and knows best: when you’re at the very bottom of the social ladder, you get it or you rot, after all.
But Sisi supposes she is right, for now. The boy is not...Well, he is not in good enough shape for a scolding. So she keeps it. Later, though.
Meng Yao blinks, now that Sisi talks about it, he remembers some part of it; glimpses merely. Waking up in pain, knowing his eyes were opened but waving his hand in front of it, not seeing anything and laughing because fuck, he can’t see. But no panic, like the voices he heard in echo, the feeling of fear locked so far away within him. He can see now. That’s a good thing. Being blind would have made things troublesome. And...He is at the Jiang sect now…
Fear raises from the void. They...they must have made quite a show of themselves right? They must have embarrassed everyone, right? And if they told everyone who pushed him from the stairs, the sect leader is going to be in a tight spot at the conference. Heck! his friends, they will know about the brothel — they all know, but it’s different, they witnessed his pitifulness! They will probably change behavior around him, conscious now of the line that separated them. And, as horror grows he makes more connections; Wei Changze is probably sure of his parentage (if he had any doubt after they last parted) and Madam Jin is there, with Jin Zixuan! While his mother; his mother is here! What is she doing there? How the madam let this happen, did she run away? Are they—
“What nonsense are you spouting!” Frowns Sisi, furious.
“A-Yao.” His mother rubs his chest and orders: “Breath.”
He does, in and out, and wants to pat her hand back but realizes that one of his arms is stuck in a cast and the other has bandages all over his fingers. He should probably feel some pain, but he doesn’t. He is numb as the panic boils down under his mother's gentle soothing.
"He hurt you, " she says, her lips forming a thin line. "I’m sorry he wasn’t the man I told you he would be..."
Meng Yao wants to shake his head; because he knew already. But somehow, stupidly, he hadn’t wanted her to know too; because their father gave her hope, she loved him and now...Now she says sorry for something Jin Guangshan was guilty of. It’s unfair.
"He hurt you . " He answers back, with so much emotion that no one will ever call him a filial child again. And he doesn’t care.
Meng Shi’s eyeshine with unshed tears and she stands, not to put a kiss on his forehead but simply brush his hair and cover it a little bit.
“We are safe now, A-Yao,” she promises him.
Meng Yao doesn’t know yet, but she is right; everything is settled and cleared. Both Sisi and Meng Shi’s situation has been discussed with the Jiang, Wei family, and Madam Jin as soon as she had been cleared by the gentle woman-doctor. His future too. But this is a matter that is for adults to deal with, and the little boy, as an injured child, has only one duty:
“Rest, everything is okay now.”
He believes her, maybe he shouldn’t, after all, she had been wrong about his biological father, but it’s such a tempting, soft lie. How could it be so, though? His biological father hates him enough to throw him from the stairs and to not even look at him as he lays down there, broken, too busy hitting his mother. Yet, Meng Shi is right there, at the Jiang, and he is healed, and no one chased him yet. It warms his heart and makes his whole body go lax and the fear thin. He wants to believe this lie so much...
He does not realize he falls asleep again. But he does jolts awake as a cat is thrown on his stomach. (Wufa does not appreciate it and runs away almost immediately)
“It’s for you!” States Jiang Cheng, at his bedside with a big grin that does not match his scowl. “I wanted to bring my dogs but mother said no and A-Xian cried!”
"I didn’t cry; you did!" Protests Wei Wuxian, his cheeks red.
Jiang Yanli catches up the cat again and brings him down on the bed, putting him in Meng Yao laps in a far more gentle manner. This time Wufa accepts it, somehow. Meng Yao doesn’t quite know what to do with the pet, both of his arms being either encased and/or bandaged. He appreciates the sentiment though, so much that his throat feels too tight.
Wen Qing is there and checks on his bandage, insisting that he takes a dose of bitter medicine, while Jiang Yanli puts a bowl on his bedside table and gently asks him to eat up when he feels better. Meng Yao is not hungry, the pain and the emotion settled in his stomach and throat, he is not sure he could swallow anything without throwing up immediately in his state. But he is moved by the attention and even more by her words:
"There will be candies for you if you finish everything. Like we promised. "
He does remember being promised candies, in the mess that was yesterday night.
Nie Mingjue seems to take the promise very seriously. Near the bed’s end, Meng Yao catches a glimpse of a tiny Nie Huaisang, who is lining up said candies on the blanket under his big brother’s supervision. He is barely tall enough to do that, only the very top of his head being visible, but he seems very determined in his task. At the end of his line up, he even pauses.
“A-Sang…” Growls Nie Mingjue.
Nie Huaisang takes one last candy out of his mouth to add it and his big brother nods, very proud of them both.
It’s all nice and cute offering but yerk. He is not going to eat that one.
"I’m glad you’re better. " States Lan Huan, as he comes closer to Meng Yao’s bed.
He looks a little bit embarrassed, but that might be because his little brother is trying to merge with him; obviously distressed by how crowded the little infirmary room is. Or, maybe...not. As Lan Huan shows up a book he hid behind his back and avoids his gaze as he says:
" If...if you want I can read for you while you rest? I thought maybe you would like that."
Meng Yao would love that, actually, but he doesn’t understand; don’t they have better things to do? A schedule? Surely, his state is not that important that the whole planning of Lotus Pier got thrown away and had been forgotten. If he remembers right, older young masters should be training all day with disciples, under Yu Ziyuan’s guidance, while younger ones should have fun with Cangse Sanren, much like the day before!
"Are you sure you can? I would love to, but I’m sure you’re needed elsewhere, f-for the training..."
"Training got canceled! " Says Nie Mingjue, as he takes his little brother on his shoulders. He snorts; " Why would we want to train though? I want to find the one who hurt you and kick his ass! "
He should probably...not do that. Though as Nie Mingjue says that, Meng Yao notices for the first time the people that stand outside of the infirmary: fellow disciples are lining up, waiting to be allowed to visit! He can’t help but stare, his eyes wide. He recognizes even the idiot who always bullies him among the crowd! No wonder little master Lan is unwell; he is trapped and surrounded by people. Pardon Meng Yao’s crude language but: what the fuck is happening?
"Mommy is busy she can’t play with us" explains Wei Wuxian, sitting next to him. "She went mwahahaha and then wiiiiii in her lab, daddy said not to bother her, and angry auntie said no one is allowed near her place because it’s going to go boom very soon."
"All adults are tired," explains Jiang Cheng, who pushes Wei Wuxian to have a place too.
"They said we can do what we want."
And apparently what they all wanted was checking on Meng Yao’s well being. Once again Meng Yao feels all sort of nauseous, but in a good sort of way. He had lost so much yesterday night, he could not quite believe that he could get anything good in exchange. Yet, here he is, broken and in pain but surrounded more love than he ever had before. Yet, despite being overwhelmed by their attention, he can’t help but notice the absence of two people.
Wen Ning and Jin Zixuan.
He remembers Wen Ning being feverish, before he left Lotus Pier the day before, so it’s easy to guess why he might not be here…
"Is your brother okay?" He asks Wen Qing. "Did his fever get worse?"
The little girl seems surprised by his concern, but she nods:
"He is okay and safe.”
Though, it is a matter of perspective. Sure Wen Ning does feel safe where he is, tucked into a blanket, and tied to Cangse Sanren’s back as she is mumbling to herself and working on her new invention. His dream-friend tells him there’s little to no risk of anything exploding, despite Madam Yu’s claims, but he is probably the only one at Lotus Pier who thinks so. All other adults think he is with Granny Wen (which he is, it just happens that Granny Wen is also with Cangse Sanren because she needs two blood-related people for her tests).
Meng Yao doesn’t know that, but he trusts Wen Qing about her little brother’s safety. Which leads him to the only one who is not inquiring about his health here...
Jin Zixuan.
If his mother was there, he would ask her; but the woman had been dragged outside with Sisi, so they could meet Jinzhu and Yinzhu. The only adults who are here are Wei Changze (outside, drinking tea or sleeping, it is hard to say) and the Lan healers. He doesn’t feel confident enough to ask them if...Well if his secret is out and everyone knows. And if it’s why Jin Zixuan is angry at him and not here with the others. But what other reason would there be?
Meng Yao spends the whole morning surrounded by children, his pee-brothers and friends alike, while Lan Huan reads them books aloud. At first, he had chosen cultivation books; but the younger audience complained about it (well, not Lan Zhan) and Jiang Yanli came back with a scroll full of tales. No one must have had a decent night yesterday, because before the boy reached the end of the second tale, most of the kids had fallen asleep.
Jiang Cheng lays curled against his adoptive brother, Nie Huaisang snoring in his arms, and even Lan Zhan has his head on Wei Wuxian’s lap, the only one fighting exhaustion.
“I should not sleep,” he repeats, determined, and his sister giggles while Wen Qing sighs, exasperated.
“Why are you trying, just go to sleep idiot,” says Nie Mingjue. “Babies should sleep when they are tired.”
“No! No sleep! I’m not a baby and I don’t want anyone to have bad dreams and I have to ask important things!”
“What do you want to ask, A-Xian?”
A-Xian opens his hands and points each finger one after another:
“I need to ask Yao-bro if he is okay.”
Yao-bro scoffs at the nickname, and is still very much in pain (especially since Huaisang’s foot forces him to sit in a weird angle); but despite his body’s condition, he thinks he has never been better. Never had the fear been so distant. So he nods and A-Xian smiles before he resumes his list:
“And also why is everyone is tired, and if the pretty ladies are going to stay because they’re great and pretty!”
“They’re staying,” confirms Wei Changze who is apparently not asleep. He had a moment to discuss with them before they went out of the infirmary; and if Sisi gave him a strange glance after hearing his name, repeating it like she couldn’t quite believe it matched the person in front of her (he probably didn’t look at his best, to be fair) she seemed content with what they had decided for them. He gives Meng Yao a glance: “ We have found them a job and they will be staying here, Meng Yao’s mother might even give you lessons so you can learn how to read and write faster. After all, she did a good job with her son.”
Meng Yao holds his breath, his heart beating fast in his chest. Mother and Sisi will stay! This is not just an exception! They are safe. Just like she promised. And there are so many things that are strange — are still to be clarified — are they free, or are they servants? Did the debt just change owners and now instead of being under the Madam of the brothel they are under Jiang’s rule? Even if it’s that, Meng Yao can’t help but feel glad. He would trade being a Jiang over a prostitute anytime.
A-Xian seems happy too, but for a different reason:
“Great! Cause I have to learn how you write letters because Lan Zhan is going back in one night and I still haven’t made him giggle!”
He turns to Lan Huan and states, very determined:
“Lan Zhan says he can’t laugh because it makes too much noise!”
Meng Yao wonders when the boy said that to his friend, while Nie Mingjue frowns, arguing that this is some stupid rule. Lan Huan’s heart might break a little bit as he hears it; because as much as he understands the need for silence — people are meditating after all and you shouldn’t bother them — he would like his little brother to be happy and be able to show it if he feels like it. A-Xian has apparently come up with a perfect plan for that:
“If I say to Lan Zhan that we have rules here, he will do it, right? But it’s not a bad prank, right? Like making Zixuan eat dirt?”
“Don’t make Zixuan eat dirt,” admonishes Yanli.
“I know it’s a bad prank so I won’t! That’s why I’m asking!”
“Asking if you want to make a fake Cloud Recesses wall of rules to force your friend to do what you want? Seems like a bad prank to me!” Says Nie Mingjue, his eyes narrowing.
Meng Yao can see why it’s tricky; the baby Lan is obviously very attached to the Lan doctrine, and using it against him could be mean, but on the other hand...Maybe it would also help Lan Zhan being a little bit more…
Meng Yao looks at the boy who is very much hidden between his best friend and his brother, even in his sleep.
A bit more out-going maybe? More at ease? He is better than the first day but he still stands out and gets as many naps as the toddlers during the day. Maybe it’s stress? Maybe a wall of rules would help so he could be playing with them instead of just being there with them. He looks at Lan Huan because surely, the boy’s brother would know best, and Lan Huan also seems to be more nuanced on this topic. He puts the book down to ask:
“What kind of rules would there be in your wall?”
That is a very good question that makes A-Xian grins:
“First, you have to laugh once a day!” He states, proudly. “And you have to eat my sister’s soup before you leave home and when you return! And every time you think something bad you have to think something good…”
Lan Juan giggles and Wie Changze grumbles, as their “rehab” rules somehow made its way to A-Xians brain.
“And also you have to be hugged eight times a day!” The boy adds, proud.
Meng Yao hides a smile, Nie Mingjue doesn’t bother as much and laughs; while Wen Qing rolls her eyes and Jiang Yanli inquires:
“Why eight times?”
“One when you wake up, one after you eat breakfast, one before you go play, one before you eat lunch, one if you scratch your knee while you play, one when you do well, one before bath, and one before sleep! Oh and also kisses! Kisses are very important, mommy says that!”
Lan Huan listens to A-Xian lists out everything he wants on that wall and rules, and nods, approvingly.
“Cangse Sanren is very wise.”
Wei Changze snorts outside the room.
“But I’m afraid all those rules will not please A-Zhan…” Still says Lan Huan. “Some would be good but…”
“If you worry it will make the second master Lan uncomfortable, why don’t you make this wall of rules with him?” Proposes Meng Yao, after a thought.
Lan Huan’s eyes widen at the idea; and he smiles.
“Meng Yao is very wise too,” he whispers, and Meng Yao blushes when he sees this statement being whole fully confirmed by every kid present.
Wei Changze lets the kids make their fake wall of rules (they can prepare it before Jiang Cheng, Nie Huaisang and Lan Zhan wake up after all). It will be fun, to see what kids can come up with, he is sure there will be a lot of bullshit (like earning candy if you don’t drown people) but still very cute. It’s only when it’s lunchtime that the man gets up and urges them all to go to the dining hall and let Meng Yao rest. Some protest a bit, Nie Mingjue for example, as he still did not get the name of the one he has to punch, others, like Yanli, Wen Qing, and Lan Huan, simply take the little sleepy ones in their arms and obey. Before they go, they promise to come back later.
“You can but only after dinner, not before. He needs to rest too to heal properly,” Wei Changze tells them.
“Like you!” States Wei Wuxian with a big grin.
Touché.
Once the infirmary is clear, Wei Changze closes the door instead of following them and comes to sit at his ward’s bedside. Meng Yao fidgets, feeling the tension fills the room. For the longest time, Wei Changze remains silent, and anxiety rises in Meng Yao’s heart. Until there is a soft knock at the door and his mother appears. Meng Shi looks, well not okay, her cheek is purple and she doesn't care about hiding the mark anymore, but she looks relaxed. More relaxed than Meng Yao had ever seen her.
Wei Changze simply nods to her, and leaves the woman a place to sit; a chair closer to her son.
“Did Wei Changze tell you about our situation already?” Meng Shi asks as she obeys.
Meng Yao shakes his head, negatively, and Wei Changze starts to talk; as if he had simply been waiting for his mother to be present so she could correct him here and there. For a long moment, Meng Yao is rendered speechless, especially when Meng Shi describes to him what happened in the brothel, and how Yu Ziyuan slapped the madam. How they promised her money; that they would steal from Jin Guangshan with a compensation excuse. Meng Yao can’t believe it; how could he? He is merely a kid, not even a full-fledged disciple; he is certainly not worth two famous prostitutes. Maybe he would have if he had been disabled because of the fall, but clearly he isn’t. He is going to make a full recovery! This will not—
“This will work.” Assures Wei Changze. And he explains to him why. Meng Yao is a new disciple with potential, he says. He has already proved he would form a golden core as he can feel spiritual energy after only one week of instruction. He has shared ideas with Cangse Sanren and Jiang Fengmian, ideas that will be useful to the sect and its development in the future. And he already bonded with two young masters. Even with all the arguments, Meng Yao’s heart is still hammering in his chest. It’s too good to be true, there has to be a catch, a trap. Something this good can’t be happening to them!
And sure enough, when Wei Changze announces what it costs them, he gets it. Admitting that his mother lied — that he is not the son of Jin Guangshan, that he has no father — that way it would secure Jin Zixuan’s position and Madam Jin’s mind would not fear them enough to get rid of them. It makes sense. It’s logical. It’s even the most mercy she can show to them; one more ruthless would have simply killed them. But still…
It’s either that or they return to where they are from, right? If he doesn’t comply with this plan, what is going to happen? Will he be chased from the Jiang sect? Will he be abandoned again?
It’s a fake choice. Or maybe there’s still a choice but the cost is too high and so he goes for the easy solution. The one that hurts less.
“W...What if I don’t agree with it?” He whispers. “Wha-What if I want him to say he is my father?”
Wei Changze is puzzled for a moment as if he never considered that possibility. He takes the time to think before he answers:
“Well, if you do, Madam Yu will certainly lose her sworn sister, and I doubt the Jiang Sect will remain cordial with the Jin sect. You will make an enemy out of Madam Jin. I honestly can’t say what would happen then. I think we could send you to another sect that is loyal to us, but…”
He stops. But they will have to part. And maybe he is not sure he could protect him from assassination attempts there because that’s what he means by making madam Jin an enemy. And there’s just no way Jin Guangshan will accept being coerced into taking Meng Yao into his sect if they do it right now. He knows. He gets it. There’s a line between the beggars and the choosers, and Meng Yao always knew he fell into the first category. Always envied the freedom of the second, envied it, aimed for it. But he cannot belong here. Yet, Wei Changze surprises him again:
“Is it what you want, Meng Yao? To be this man’s son?” Asks Wei Changze, his tone is low, a bit judgmental, but the question is there still. As if he would try to find a way for this to work if Meng Yao ever answered yes.
But that’s not what happens.
“No.” Meng Yao says.
Meng Yao doesn’t care about Jin Guangshan, not anymore. It still hurts to not have a father — to never ever get one — even if he’s sure as hell he doesn’t want this one now. But it’s different, his mother...He doesn’t want people to call his mother a liar. And she…He looks at her with pleading eyes. Meng Shi’s eyes are bright, a little bit shinier than usual. A lot happened after all: she got her heart and hopes broken, then her son. But she wouldn’t have survived the brothel if she had been weak and not able to adapt. She might not be strong in the most common, literal way, but her will is ironclad.
“Jin Guangshan had always just been a means to get out of the brothel.” She lies, and she almost convinces herself it is the truth. “He does not matter to me, and should not matter to you either now that we’re out. He has served his purpose.”
It helps to think that way, that they used him as much as he used her. Meng Yao thinks for a short moment if she thinks the same of her son. Did he serve his purpose too, now that she is free? But he chases this away, as he knows for sure, that he is not a tool for his mother. Even if he was, she once said to him, when he was sad a kind client of hers was leaving, this truth: “you’re allowed to love tools, what matters is not letting that love blind you and make you make bad decisions.” There’s no reason for her to go, she is safe with him. His place among the Jiang secures her place too. Meng Shi loves him. Both his brain and heart agree on that truth. He can see it every day in the way she looks at him, just like she does now, as she says:
“I would rather give my allegiance to people who deserve it, don’t you think A-Yao?”
She smiles and A-Yao’s heart breaks a little bit as he feels invisible shackles around his neck crumble. He looks up at Wei Changze and thinks: Can I? Can he truly be unfilial to this point? Can he, just like the man before him, deny his father’s right over him because he deems him unworthy? Would people forgive him for that? Does he finally have a choice, and will be able to cross this invisible line?
He must have uttered the last word aloud, and he blames the medications for that because his mother pats his head and whispers:
“Of course A-Yao you can. Didn’t I tell you before?”
She hugs him.
“What matters the most is to survive.”
The key to surviving is not with Jin Guangshan anymore; clinging to him would lead them to an early grave, so the choice is made. It is not easy, it is painful, but it is the one they have to take. That’s as simple as that. That’s how they will find peace.
Yes, she did tell him that, that’s how they survive in the brothel because they have no choice. This one looks like a no-choice too, but it’s still one. And he wants to believe that here, in the Jiang, they will have that now: choices. That these will get bigger and bigger as time passes. So one day he will have to choose between stupid, boring things that will not have deadly consequences. They will stop being stuck between terrible decisions and awful fate. Yes, Surely, the Jiang can manage this task; they attempt the impossible after all. And as he hugs his mother back, almost free, he thinks that they already achieved it.
However, the situation is not optimal still. Wei Changze takes the time to explain their plan for tomorrow, during the closure banquet that will take place at Lotus Pier; but also...Why Jin Zixuan has not been here this morning.
“He is not allowed to see you. Madam Jin had been quite clear about it.” He states.
Meng Yao understands, he expected it.
“Does he know? Is he angry at me?” He still asks because he needs to know if giving up a father implies losing up his half-brother too. Maybe it’s selfish and greedy of him to want one while refusing the other, though.
Wei Changze’s eyes soften a bit.
“No. He does not, and he made quite a scene but his mother refused to give him any explanation.”
Jin Zixuan has indeed been furious, and even cried and screamed at his mother why her “no” always had more worth than his, which left them all stunned enough so he could run away and lock himself in his room to pout. Madam Jin and Madam Yu spent the entire morning trying to coax him out without success, and before lunch, Yu Ziyuan had taken her sworn sister for a walk around the lake to try to cheer her up.
Meng Yao felt sorry for his brother, but moved that he had valued their tiny sprout of friendship enough to throw a tantrum.
“When he finds a way to sneak in and see you, please do not tell him the truth if you can.” Asks him Wei Changze, to his surprise.
Meng Shi snorts at her son’s surprised expression.
“Oh A-Yao,” she whispers. “You will understand if you have a child one day too…”
The more you tell them not to, the more eager they get to do it. Meng Yao doesn’t understand at all, but he doesn’t have to.
Only a couple of hallways away, not long after lunch, Wei Wuxian walks with Lan Zhan, swinging their joined hands with a big grin, when he gets called:
“Wei Wuxian!”
And as he turns his head, the peacock’s determined eyes meet his. He opens his window just enough for it before he orders:
“I need you to help me get inside the infirmary.”
Wei Wuxian’s lips curve upward. Oh, that’s going to be fun.v
Notes:
Soooo... For now the majority seems to agree on splitting the story into two parts !! I will let a full week pass though to make sure everyone gave their opinion on it ^^ But it's most likely that Home will be split. If so, this fanfic would change title and be called "Find your way back Home" (with the additional Tag "babies home" and the second part will be called Home or something else (i loved people saying part 2, or season 2 xD)
During my travel i day dreamed a lot, and so i had something akin to a dream story yet again...Though it's way less precise since i was still very much awake while thinking about it xD Here we go :
Wei Wuxian is working on time travel array - not because of his grief, but curiosity speaking. He had theory that time travel was possible with demonic cultivation ; as it goes against the order of the world in the first place but would require an enormous quantity of resentful energy only to SPLIT a time and create an alternative timeline. Somehow he decides to test it by consuming Burial mounts resentful energy thinking "might as well clean the place it can't be bad for people!" under Lan Zhan's watchful gaze. Of course it doesn't go as planned and everyone gets back into the past. And when i say everyone, i mean everyone. They do not have full possession of their bodies though and have to share with their younger selves every single one of them. (Except people who are dead in the original timeline). It works like this ; they have a full day in their original time and when they sleep they are in the past timeline and can alter things. Lot of troubles ensues with everyone kind of trying to get the best of this situation...Except WWX realizes that his theory was wrong ; this ritual does not create an alternate timeline and he is starting to feel like there are changes happening in their memories everytime they act in the past. They are in a senses, erasing themselves up by acting. So some people change and try to forbid them from alterating the past while other are even more eager. The climax of the story happens when WWX (old) disappear from the future and readers are afraid he had killed and not brought back because of their actions but the truth is, since they saved him somehow, mo xanyu never gave him his body and so he disappeared because of that....Anyways it ends with all the "future-past" selves completely merging with their young selves and everyone forgetting why they took such decision back then but everyone ending up happy so no one bother about it.
*shrugs*
See you all on tuesday =D Have a nice week end and stay safe and healthy!
Chapter 66: Impossible mission
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you're doing great ;) I'm personally back to work (wouhou!) so I'm pretty much tired after only one day (wouhou...) Thank you so much for all your adorable comments, bookmarks and kudos once again <3 I hope you're all ready for a cute fluffy chapter! Because that's what I have in store for you ;)
This chapter is beta-read by Fraudulent_moose once again ;)
Previous chapter summary --> While Lotus pier was preparing the closure banquet that will be held there on the last day, Wei Changze was plotting their revenge on Jin Guangshan. But children however? Well children spent their time in the infirmary, where Meng Yao woke up, wounded and pained but surrounded by people who cared. It helped, when Wei Changze brought him back the Sect's decision regarding his fate ; as he struggled to accept that he would never be accepted by his father and had to forget this path, he also knew he had a a future still, among the gentry, here at the Jiang. It might not be a real choice ; but he accepted the deal regardless, and so did Meng Shi, focusing on their survival above all else. In the meantime, Jin Zixuan, who was not allowed to see Meng Yao, asked Wei Wuxian to help him disobey that order.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Nie Huaisang!”
Huang has to take a moment before he remembers that it’s his name. Papa said he had to answer only to that while he is away from home, because you cannot be a baby outside of home; especially in front of other people, because only family can see you defenseless. But on the other hand Mama said he will always be her little baby no matter where they are, and Huang likes to be pampered very much.
So he doesn’t get the point.
And he completely missed who called for him. So that means he doesn’t have to go, right? He smirks as he plays with his new fan and tries to hold it like Mama or first Mama did in their painting! It’s going to make big brother Zhou un-poutsie. Food didn’t work, visiting his new friend didn’t work (that’s because he didn’t magic-kiss him better, the fool!), and Zhou doesn’t even want to train (is his brother sick like Mama and first Mama? The thought makes him shudder). It means they have to use this secret card: It always works when Mama does it, but mama isn’t there, so it’s up to him. His plan cannot fail!
Now he just needs to find his brother! Huang spots him right away, as he is discussing with his other new friend, the pretty one. Not that the other isn't’ pretty. Everyone here is pretty. But this one is pretty in white (and a bit of blue), which is rare because white is a very sad, sad color. It’s the one he wore for First-Mama's burial. Huang likes Lan Huan still, (it’s his name, and it’s really close to his name, right? it’s funny!) even if he is in a sad color, mostly because all Huang has to do is show him doe-eyes and he gives him his share of candy. And also because Lan Huan lets Huang clutch at his robe and hide behind it. He is an experienced big brother too, Huang sees it. He approves it. Wen Qing wears white and she is a big sister but she doesn’t let him do that. (She is mean!) So Zhou can be friends with this Lan Huan, he’s a good one! (But not Wen Qing! not until she is not mean anymore) The other boy, Meng Yao, is good too, even if he is a bit broken at the moment (but he will get better, he got candies, and people are smiling when they talk of him so it must means he is going to be up and ready to play soon).
Huang doesn’t think twice when he sees his brother and friend, he runs to them, eager to show his new pose with his new fan, while everyone digests their meal.
He never gets to the courtyard.
As he passes through the hallway strong hands grip him and drag him inside. Huang doesn’t even have time to scream for his big brother to help him; he immediately sees Jiang Cheng’s frown. His new best friend has a finger on his lips and is shhhh-ing him quite loudly. Huang likes Jiang Cheng, but he is a bit stupid, he doesn’t get that the purpose of shushing people it’s to make as little noise as possible. Anyways he nods, and he is released immediately.
Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, Wei Wuxian, and Lan Zhan surround him.
So that’s where they were! Huang thinks.
He blinks when he sees Jin Zixuan hiding in the corner too.
Well. That’s weird. He had the impression they didn’t get along at all.
“We need your help!” Declares Jiang Cheng. “You have to distract our mothers!”
Huang smiles as he listens to their plan. Apparently Jin Zixuan wants to see Zhou’s friend too but he is not allowed (unfair!). He asked Wei Wuxian for help, who got his siblings in (they have experience, he tells him proudly, they’ve got into the infirmary unnoticed a LOT of times, Huang is impressed; he never would have thought that Wei Wuxian could be discreet enough to go anywhere). And Lan Zhan is here too, but that’s normal because Lan Zhan is always with Wei Wuxian, they’re best friends after all! And also Wen Qing is here. Even though she seems to wish to be anywhere but here (but she looks that way all the time). She stares back at him like the time he tried to kiss her (One day Huang will kiss both Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing, he swears, but not today ─ she is too scary!!) so he avoids her glare. Lan Zhan is less threatening as he looks a little bit white at the idea of doing something forbidden, and when Wei Wuxian asks him if he wants to do it he shakes his head negatively very, very fast.
“It’s okay, second master Lan, no one is forcing you.” Assures Jiang Yanli, kindly.
“Yeah just do your usual and shut up about it.” Adds Jiang Cheng.
Which distresses even more Lan Zhan, on the contrary. On one hand he doesn’t want to do something against the rules (even if Wei Ying said there will be rules at Lotus Pier, different from Cloud Recesses, so maybe he is not truly disobeying), but he also doesn’t want to talk to anyone if he can avoid it. But wouldn’t that still be bad? He doesn’t know, he wishes Lan Huan was there to tell him what to do. In his absence he looks up at the oldest kids around; Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli. They should give him a good example, he hopes. He will align with what they will do.
Huang doesn’t mind, as long as they do the forbidden thing and he does not. That way he can’t get punished if it goes wrong. But he has an idea to get a lot of candies. So he takes Lan Zhan’s sleeve and pulls it:
“Play with me!”
That way he doesn’t do something he doesn’t want, but he is not playing with them, and Huang gets his share of candies. He needs to refill his stock, he gave too much so Meng Yao could be cured faster. Plus he never saw the boy eat any, he must not like it. So everyone will be happy with this plan!
That’s how things settle down. Jiang Yanli giggles and wishes her little brother good luck, as she sees Madam Jin and her mother enter the courtyard. Lan Zhan avoids her touch with a graceful movement and manages his way behind her, his hand reaching for the tail of a sacred ribbon automatically; then he realizes Yanli has none and freezes completely for several seconds. Both because he is surprised by his own gesture — she is not family he shouldn’t do that — and because he doesn’t know what to do with his hands now. Kind Yanli offers him her sleeve so he can cling to it while she gently pushes Nie Huaisang forward. She looks like a mother duck.
“Leave it to me to keep them occupied,” she whispers to Jin Zixuan with a soft smile.
The boy blushes, because he hadn’t expected her to help — but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe if they get caught, then mother will get mad at her too and cancel the marriage. That would be great, Jin Zixuan doesn’t want to get married. But that would also be awful because he doesn’t want her to be sad when she is so sweet and helping. (It was easier to hate her when he didn’t know her) Still Jin Zixuan pushes the problem aside and focuses on the task at hand right now.
Wen Qing leads them away with a scowl, and says:
"If any of you undo our hard work and hurt Meng Yao, I will send you to the infirmary myself."
“That’s plan B!” States Wei Wuxian.
“Yeah if we don’t get inside I will break the peacock’s legs so he goes to the infirmary too!” Completes Jiang Cheng.
“Then he will have no choice but to be in the same room as Meng Yao!” Explains Wei Wuxian.
Wen Qing hits them both on the head, claiming -—truthfully- that’s this plan B is stupid and out of question. No one is hurting anyone under her supervision she says.
“But you hit us!” Whines Wei Wuxian pointing out the flaw in her logic, and it earns him a pinch.
Suddenly, Jin Zixuan regrets leaving Yanli, at least the Jiang is sweet, unlike these three...
He gives a long side glance to his mother, as she is accosted by Jiang Yanli, one toddler and one kid, and wonders what they have in mind to keep the two scary sworn sisters busy enough, (and if they will be alright) but before he can see anything Wei Wuxian drags him aside and Jiang Cheng pushes his back.
“Hurry! Hurry before they see you!”
It seems that all he had to do to be friends with them (or at least tolerated by them) is to step on the rules. Good to know.
***
Yu Ziyuan is not the most affectionate mother; there’s no denying. She is not even the most affectionate person, period. But she tries to be better, so when her sworn sister fought with her son over consent, she brought her on a walk to help her ease her mind. (Then they stopped because fuck that , and dueled the anger out with their swords, swearing and cursing Jin Guangshan while doing so, but no one has to know. There were no witnesses. They made sure of that.)
“I will tell Zixuan,” Madam Jin swears, not depressed anymore but still very much furious, “That my no is more important than his no because I’m an adult and I’m supposed to educate him and that’s how things are and he-”
“Things would be easier if you just told him the truth as to why he shouldn’t see Meng Yao anymore…” She whispers.
“So he can tell it’s unfair of me to keep him from his half-brother, then? And then plead his father to bring him back to Carp tower and ruin our work? Do you have any other brilliant ideas like this?”
“I’m trying to help!”
“Well it would have helped if you didn't pick the one single kid that is my husband’s bastard out of all the orphans out there!” She hisses back.
“Oh come on, you know there is no way he has just one bastard out there!” She snaps back.
The exchange hurts, and both Madams regret it immediately. Madam Yu takes a deep breath and Madam Jin straightens her back after that, her lips forming a thin line.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers, she doesn’t say she doesn’t mean it because that’s untrue, but she regrets snapping. Especially when she tried so hard to remain calm all through yesterday’s crisis. It seems she has reached her limit. As if her apologies opened an unknown path, Madame Jin nods and reciprocates:
“No, I'm sorry too, you didn’t know. You couldn’t know.”
She is just so angry; and there no one who deserves her anger right now, the one truly responsible being busy at the conference, safe. It makes everything harder.
They avoid each other’s gazes for the next couple of heart beats. The silence is so overbearing, that Yu Ziyuan considers the option of returning into the clearing for another duel when Yanli arrives with Nie Huaisang and Lan Zhan behind her.
“Mother we have something to show you.” Yanli states.
Apparently, what they want to show them is Nie Huaisang dancing with his fan, while Lan Zhan plays on Yanli’s guqin as she sings a tune. It manages to be very cute and also awfully embarrassing. Yu Ziyuan shares a glance with her best friend, hiding a wince as Yanli’s voice gets short on one note. She regrets their frustrated silence now. Madame Jin looks back, with an expression that means she would rather be anywhere but here, yet knows she can’t without breaking her future daughter-in-law’s heart. It doesn’t help that, attracted by the sound, both Lan Huan and Nie Mingjue find them and sit to watch, more eager and kind with the kids than the two women.
Fortunately, the song ends at one point. Yu Ziyuan knows she has to do better, and instead of scolding Yanli for her false notes (she still promises to herself to train so next time she will not — better yet, that next time she will not do such a show without it being perfect first) she claps her hands.
“You got better at guqin, A-Zhan!” Smiles Lan Huan too, and his little brother nods, looking at the instrument, the tip of his ears red.
“A-Sang you were awesome! Just like mothers!”
Nie Huaisang beams under the compliment, and Yanli smiles widely.
“If you like it, you’ll like the next one too!”
“Next one?” Repeats Madam Jin, scared.
Yu Ziyuan feels the dread as Yanli nods, firmly. It seems this second-hand embarrassment is far from over.
“We still have plenty to show!”
Yu Ziyuan is not the most affectionate mother. But she has been trying recently. It’s not easy, but she makes do. As she watches her only daughter dance with a toddler, she thinks that now...It’s when she has to make do and suffer in silence.
Almost. She notices something near the infirmary. She snaps:
“Wei Changze, I swear to you if you’re doing what I think you’re doing instead of resting, I will drag you down to your bed and tie you there!”
The three kids freeze right on their track, eyes wide, startled by her tone. For a short moment, Yu Ziyuan looks at them, suspiciously; were they providing their teacher a distraction? She stares back and Yanli looks at her feet blushing furiously. But Wei Changze, who is discussing with Sisi and some disciples in the background, raises three fingers and vows:
“I swear I'm up to no good.”
“That’s the problem! I know you have plans, but delegate the task, if I see you overworking yourself again...Where are the healers?”
He looks around as if he is surprised to not find them here too. His surprised expression can fool people but not here: if he has an easily readable expression on his face this clearly means he is faking it! The little sneaky bastard, he probably found a way to distract the Lan healers away from him. Yu Ziyuan is not going to be tricked and she will not accept welcoming Jiang Fengmian back tonight telling him that his best-friend collapsed again. She has enough being the bearer of bad news.
"Get down here! Do not dare move until you have healers supervising you, am I clear?"
"Perfectly clear." Wei Changze bows, and joins them on the terrace. He takes his role as spectator much more seriously than the two mothers. Sisi and the disciples part way rushing away with a strange sealed pot that is familiar to Yu Ziyuan.
As Yanli states they finished the second dance and will now proceed for a third, Wei Changze smiles and Yu Ziyuan’s blood runs cold.
"You know what would make the show even better?" The bastard suggests.
"No?" Smiles Yanli, eager.
"Dressing up for the dance. Disguises, costumes. Wouldn’t that be fun?"
Yu Ziyuan wants to kill him, and she hears Madam Jin grumbles at her side
"He is very good at revenge, is he?"
She is half-happy (after all, she did charge him with the task of getting revenge on her unfaithful husband) and half-despaired about this (she didn’t expect to be on the receiving end too, but maybe she should have, since she had been pretty unfair with the man’s ward). Putting her head in her hands, Yu Ziyuan sighs, relating to the emotion and sharing a smile with her sworn sister for the first time since yesterday’s revelation.
Of course, it’s too late to stop anything, Yanli’s eyes shine at Wei Changze’s suggestion. She is a little girl after all; and Nie Huaisang is equally enthusiastic (Lan Zhan however, is as eager as a wall of bricks — but Lan Huan is enough for the both of them). Yanli runs to Madame Jin and pleads with her to help them dress up for their show.
“You have such good taste, your robes and makeup are always so pretty!” She claims.
What can they do but accept?
That’s how both the violet spider and the feared Madame Jin end up doing servant work, helping kids dress up for two hours.
Yu Ziyuan thinks she has to take her daughter away from Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze before she turns into a sneaky, manipulative-but-endearing person like them. It’s only when she has been dragged away in another room, her arms full of clothes that she realizes her mistake; Wei Changze used the opportunity to run away.
Oh she hopes his plan to get revenge on Jin Guangshan is worth it, because the moment she finds Wei Changze again she is killing him.
***
Jin Zixuan is pretty sure Wei Wuxian is fooling him.
"The infirmary is that way!" He says, pointing the very obvious path that leads to it and that is empty. They have a chance. But no, Jiang Cheng scowls at him, his tiny hand on his hips and admonishes :
”Do you want our exper-experm...epiert..."
"Expertise." Completes Wen Qing.
"Expertise or not?" Resumes Jiang Cheng as if never interrupted.
Jin Zixuan does not answer that — he would be rude, and then he would not get help. Wei Wuxian however is a little bit more clear:
"We can’t go that way, that’s what they expect!"
Jin Zixuan has no idea who “they” is, since his mother and her sworn sister are currently being distracted by Yanli and her group. But he supposes the boy who lives here knows better — and it’s true that when they pass through, he notices two twin women in the shadows, staring back at them. Scary. Are they the ghost general? He didn’t hear the tug of a sword like at night and this time he didn’t offend any Jiang!
Scared he shuts up and decides to follow without question. Wei Wuxian makes them do a big turn around the building of Lotus Pier. (At one point he suspects the boy got lost because Jiang Cheng had to tell where to go). They pass in front of an isolated house, surrounded by ponds.
"Mommy!"
Wei Wuxian waves in the direction, and Jin Zixuan notices the woman. She does not return the gesture, sitting on the far end of the terrace, she is busy hitting her head against a column in a very dejected manner while an older lady holds Wen Ning.
"She said she has to work on something today," he explains to them. "But it looks like she is stuck. Good luck mommy!" He screams at her.
Cangse Sanren gives her son a thumbs up while still trying to break her head in the open. Wei Wuxian turns his heel and declares immediately as if he hadn’t been the one screaming just before: "Now you have to be super, hyper discreet!"
Jin Zixuan shares a glance with Wen Qing; she shakes her head, telling him silently to resign to the foolishness. They are all crazy in this household.
"Now! Barrel roll!"
Suddenly Wei Wuxian goes through the next hallway, diving like a pro and rolling around. Once on the other side he looks back at them with the smuggest grin ever; silently instructing them all to mimic him. Jiang Cheng eagerly follows (even if his barrel roll fails midway and he has to crawl his way out in the end). Now they are two looking at him, insisting he follows the example.
Rolling. On this dirty wooden floor.
Jin Zixuan considers if Meng Yao is worth it for a moment. But the fact that his mother forbid him to see the boy makes him even more mysterious and important. He has to know!
"You’re all ridiculous..." Comments Wen Qing as she simply walks through the hallway. Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian gasp, indigned; how dare she make it so less cool! They were on an infiltration mission!
Jin Zixuan uses her as a distraction to go through the hallway without rolling too and thanks the not-fun Wen girl in his head.
It takes a lot of coaxing for the boys to stop pouting and resume the infiltration party. But after a while they finally agree to continue; and show them a passage where a pile of old furniture allows them to climb on the roof. Jin Zixuan takes a deep breath, puts his sleeve up to his hand so he does not touch the filthy pile like Lan Zhan did to avoid people’s touch. As he reaches the top, he scrubs the tip of his robe to Jiang Cheng’s back to make it clean again. Jiang Cheng frowns at him, confused, and surely thinking he patted him, pats the boy back. Jin Zixuan almost feels guilty for this. But Wei Wuxian doesn’t give him time to ponder on his action.
"It’s a whole new path!" States Wei Wuxian very proudly, opening his arms to the roofs of Lotus Pier. It’s true that the whole place is very different there; it’s almost like there’s a pathway, with the different color tiles. They go back faster, and Zixuan is surprised how they do not get caught.
"No one ever thinks to look up," comments Jiang Cheng.
It’s very concerning.
At one point he looks at the warm pond where they swam the day before, and Wei Wuxian fakes a movement as if he is about to push him from there. But he is immediately hit by Wen Qing who orders him to stop being an idiot before he causes a real accident.
Jiang Yanli is still in the courtyard, distracting Madame Jin and Madame Yu. All they have to do is look in their direction and they would be screwed, Jin Zixuan realizes, sweating nervously.
"What do you think it is?," he hears from down there. Three disciples are talking; while holding a pot covered with seals.
"I don’t know, it has been in the treasure room for so long, before I even arrived in the sect.”
“Must be important.”
Wei Wuxian’s father arrives with one of the women that Jin Zixuan’s mother brought back.
"This one?" Asks the woman pointing the pot.
“Teacher!” Gasps the disciples. “Is it really okay to give a non-cultivator this?”
“Yes, don’t worry about it. We should have gotten rid of it years ago. It’s more dangerous in our treasure room than outside of it.” Then he turns to the woman: “Thank you for proposing to help with it. You know what to do. I’m counting on you.”
The woman takes the pot, looking down, embarrassed.
That’s when Wei Changze looks up and sees them. Jin Zixuan freezes, Wei Wuxian puts a hand on Jiang Cheng’s mouth to silent his gasps. Wen Qing stares back. For a long moment there’s nothing but silence. Then...
Then Madam Yu screams and they really fear for their lives. But fortunately the scary woman didn’t see the children on the roof, only the man on the terrace. All her anger is on him (Wei Wuxian sends him a smug glance again, and mouths back his brother’s words "no one ever looks up" Jin Zixuan hates him a bit right now). Wei Changze shrugs at the public scolding and as he moves to join the ladies, he makes a small movement with his hand behind his back. It’s for them: it’s a sign to flee.
Which is what they do.
From the roof, they let themselves fall near the infirmary’s window (again) and pass through it. This time Jin Zixuan can’t avoid the barrel roll for the landing. This is worth it; and not too awful because the infirmary room is clean. Wen Qing says so, as she sneaks in too. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng do not enter the place, they give him a thumbs up, their head upside down and disappear right away, back to the roof. Jin Zixuan hears them running above his head and Wei Wuxian’s comment about wanting to see Lan Zhan and Yanli’s show from there. Jin Zixuan supposes he will have to find his way out of there on his own…
Oh well, that’s still better than what he expected when he asked for help. He didn’t think he would manage to get this far, to be honest.
Now…
He turns to the bed, where Meng Yao is currently sleeping still, despite all the noise. He looks even worse than yesterday; all wrapped up in bandages now. It must hurt a lot, and Jin Zuxian hopes that the ghost general will get the one responsible for this, even if Meng Yao is not a Jiang, he is a disciple of the sect, so it must count as well, right?
One of the women his mother brought back during the night, is sitting by his side, a blanket on her own legs. Meng Yao’s mother he assumes, as they look alike quite much. She must have been reading before they barged in because a book is resting on her knees. She is looking at them, patient. She does not seem annoyed, angry or ready to sell them off; merely waiting for them to show their intention. Which is what Jin Zixuan does. He clears his voice with a cough and approaches:
"Hi...I’m Jin Zixuan...I wanted to visit Meng Yao and see if he is doing better...
He hesitates to say that he couldn’t before (with everyone else) because his mother said no, but decides against it. Maybe the servant does not know about this and this is why she hasn’t thrown him out yet. He is not risking it.
The servant’s expression is strange for a moment, then she hums, looks at her son and then at Zixuan.
Meng Shi is vaguely aware that she is standing on a tight spot there; by allowing Madame Jin’s son to be here in the first place she is endangering their new secure position. Everything could be ruined. She should get the boy away. She really should. But she doesn’t. She is very much scared, but if there’s one thing she knows, it’s that children that are disobeying direct orders are very much inclined to keep their mouth shut. Jin Zixuan will not say anything to his mother. And if she says nothing too, then no one will know. And her son, her little A-Yao, might not lose everything he should have had. He already has to give away his biological father, and though Jin Zixuan and Meng Yao might never be blood-brothers, like they should be, they could be friends. She doesn’t want to take anything else from her son. She knows the pain of losing your family all too well.
So she smiles at Jin Zixuan and nods:
"I see. Thank you for caring about my son’s health, then. Do you want to wait for him to wake up so you can talk?"
Jin Zixuan, feeling a little bit shy suddenly, nods. And she gestures to him a chair where he can sit. Wen Qing is already inquiring about the woman’s health, (and now that he looks at her, he notices the bruises on her arms and the mark on her cheek). But apparently it’s not that, Wen Qing heard she was sick, like a disease, and offers to brew her medecine. As she gets to work, looking happier than during the infiltration mission, Meng Yao’s mother stares at Zixuan. Jin Zixuan fights the urge to take a step away from her; he doesn’t want to be sick.
She looks a little bit sad, it makes him uneasy. He fidgets on his seat and hopes that Meng Yao will wake up soon (they do not have much time after all). But on the other hand, he hopes not; because he looks in pain and Jin Zixuan hasn’t decided yet what he will say to him. I’m happy you’re not dead? It sounds stupid. Does falling down the stairs hurt? We have lots of stairs at Carp tower! Is even more stupid. Why is it that my mother doesn’t want us to be friends? Is closer to the truth but he doubts the boy knows, adults tend to never explain why they decide this or that to children. It’s not fair.
"Are you friends with my son?"
Meng Shi’s question surprises him in the middle of his thoughts. Jin Zixuan is startled, and rendered speechless for a long time. Then...After a while, he nods.
"Yes." He says. He thinks. Maybe. Or at least he wants to.
Jin Zixuan does not have many friends his age; there’s a new girl disciple that is fun at home. Luo Quingyang, but she is a girl, it’s hard sometimes to get along. There’s his cousin, Zixun, but family does not count. They are forced to love you after all. Also, Zixun could be a real pain in the butt. Zixuan is not allowed to play with servant boys that are his age either; father says he bothers them as they work, and mother says they are not from the same world, which makes no sense. What are they if not human? Demons from the ghost realm? Jin Zixuan thinks he would like having friends. He missed the opportunity to bond with Lan Huan and Nie Mingjue — the three of them already forming a group when he got out of his room. And Wei Wuxian and Co.™ definitely don’t like him. He doesn’t like them either. Nie Huaisang and Wen Ning are babies — so not very entertaining- and the rest are girls. One of them is annoyingly his fiancée and his mother is annoyingly eager for him to be friends with her which makes the whole ordeal even more annoying. So yeah...if he could have a friend in Meng Yao...That would be awesome. Especially since they had so much fun during the cavalry battle.
Meng Shi does not comment on this, she simply grins and returns to her book with a peaceful expression. Instead she says:
"Your mother does not want you to be."
Jin Zixuan‘s head perks up.
"Do you know why?"
Meng Shi pauses a second.
She could tell Jin Zixuan the truth, here. She could turn the boy against his own mother, his own father by saying the truth. She could hurt the boy with it, use him as a weapon for a revenge against his parents. Against his father who hurt her baby and broke her heart. Against his mother.
Meng Shi tries not to hate Madame Jin — she helped, she saved them — but it is hard. As the mistress, it is a woman she learned to hate, through her lover’s tales. She had first known her as the “controlling bitch” Jin Guangshan had to marry against his will and did not love. Now that she met her, she is now the woman who saved her despite her anger, who offered her freedom. One who deserves her gratitude and loyalty. Yet, she is also the woman working on destroying the path that gave Meng Shi’s hope all these years. It’s stupid to care about it still, but she clung to this dream for so long, on bad days, on days she thought it was easier to just let go of everything and stop trying to survive. She chased Jin Guangshan’s shadow for so long, it was the one thing that kept her grounded, even when she couldn’t feel much of anything else, not even her own self. It is hard to say goodbye to this; even though the treasure lost its shine, it still held value in her memories.
She is stronger than this, though, she knows best. She can reason with herself and let it go. She will reason with herself. Sentimentality kills. She allowed this one emotion for him to survive way too long, and where did it lead her? To almost losing her son to the man’s temper. She will give up on it; because that’s better to let this childish illusion of a lover go than lose her son.
That’s how you survive, you drop the weight that slows you down, choosing which one will hurt less. She will not hate Madam Jin; one day. For now, she is a bit angry at her. But not angry enough to hurt her back, to step on her son’s innocent heart to get to her.
She is not like Jin Guangshan.
But on the other hand, she could tell him half-truth. She could tell him that Jin Guangshan visited her brothel, that he hurt Meng Yao and her, and that Madame Jin saved them. That she is furious at her husband and that looking at Meng Shi pains her because her husband had tried to be unfaithful (he doesn’t have to know he had been already). That she doesn’t want Jin Zixuan to be with Meng Yao because seeing them makes her remember that. With this lie, Jin Zixuan would not know about their blood connection, like Madamee Jin wants, it would not ruin tomorrow’s plans.
How wrong would that be? What would this cause? She forces herself to think about it.
First it would probably hurt the boy’s feeling ; as he probably loves his father. Maybe it’s a remnant of the affection she had for Jin Guangshan but she doesn’t want him to be hated by his own son, he is already stuck in a loveless marriage... He deserves it though, her anger roars, as he almost took her baby away from her. But he would not be the only one hurt, her motherly side tempers, Jin Zixuan would be too. An awful part of her whispers: And so what? The boy already has everything, he grew up in luxury while her baby had to survive with only one meal a day; surely he can withstand a little disappointment! Better him knowing about his father’s true nature right away than growing up in illusions — But she doesn’t listen to it. It is pettiness, jealousy, it makes you dumb and ugly. She will not lower herself and be the same kind as Anxin. Especially since she knows how much illusions can help one’s heart. Jin Guangshan is trapped in a sad marriage, but Jin Zixuan is just as much stuck between unhappy parents. He has riches, he has position, but he does not have everything.
In addition, if she told this lie, Jin Zixuan would understand his mother a bit more and forgive her, it would help her benefactor; but he might decide to side with his mother and so avoid Meng Yao as an answer. He could also speak to his mother and give her away, which would be a disaster and make them lose the future they secured.
So Meng Shi puts on the mask of courtesan she carefully forged for years, the mask she wore to protect herself and her own so many times that she is not even sure she knows the person she is without it. And the lie upon her lips, she lets it go:
“I do not know why your mother does not want you to be friends with my son.”
It’s for the best. It’s what Wei Changze asked them to do. It’s the most secure path for her and her baby. And heck if that makes her a little bit ungrateful to her benefactor. She smiles innocently at the boy in front of her and sticks to her decision.
Jin Zixuan’s shoulder slumps down. He had hoped to get an explanation. It can’t be just because they have different social status! Yes, mother is not happy when he talks to people below his station, but she is not cruel either. And she allowed them to play together at the start of the conference. It really doesn’t make any sense. Unless mother is afraid for his safety?
Meng Yao is very hurt, after all, and so is his mother. Maybe there’s a bad person attacking them and mother doesn’t want him in the crossfire. Which would be cute but Jin Zixuan is training to be a cultivator, now. He can defend himself on his own; and should defend people weaker than him from harm too! Father always says that women over-worry about their men and drag them down, that he shouldn’t listen to their fussing and stand proud and confident of his ability! Which is what Jin Zixuan will do.
If there’s danger he is ready to fight.
Meng Shi must feel his conviction because she puts a finger on her painted lips and whispers:
"Then it must stay our secret, okay? I will not tell her, but do not tell her either that I let you."
Jin Zixuan can’t help but grin back, vowing to keep his words. Meng Shi returns to reading her book, her heart at peace.
On the bed, Meng Yao mumbles and stirs, slowly waking up again. Jin Zixuan’s throat immediately feels dry, as he quickly has to think about what to say.
It’s surprisingly easy. Wen Qing explains to him that it’s because Meng Yao’s lunch bowl was heavily sedated, (and the thought of anyone putting something he doesn’t know of inside his meals makes Jin Zixuan nauseous) but it doesn’t change the impression Jin Zixuan has: talking to Meng Yao is pleasant. he even has the opportunity to play a card game with him (and win!) Unfortunately all good things have to come to an end and they hear commotion outside. Jin Zixuan has to go. Wen Qing gives the remedy she made to Meng Shi, and gets out by the front door to give him the opportunity to flee. Right before he jumps out of the window, Meng yao mumbles:
"I’m glad you aren’t angry at me, I thought you’d hate me now..."
It breaks Jin Zixuan’s heart; and he promises himself he will not let his new friend ever think that.
"I will write you letters!" He promises, before disappearing.
He doubts he will be allowed to, but Jin Zixuan’s mother always bothers him about writing letters to Yanli...He can probably start doing so, and slips inside the envelope another letter for Meng yao. Or better! Luo Qingyang showed him how to make invisible ink with lemon juice! He could do that!
Jin Zixuan grins as he does a barrel roll to get through the next hallway. This infiltration game is starting to get fun!
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter ; I personally loved writing it <3 Am I forgiven for all the angst and kicking children on the top of the stairs ? Ü (No?)
Next chapter is the...last one I have in stock (GASP I have to write a lot this week end to have chapters in advance again OO°) it ill be published on Friday as usual, I hope you'll like it, it's a bit of a transition chapter ^^I like you all, you're the best readers ever ! =D Stay safe and healthy !
Chapter 67: Siblings
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you're doing great ^^
Unfortunately Fraudulent_Moose is sick tonight (no the virus, don't worry) he said he could edit the chapter on time but i told him to rest and recover first; so this chapter is unbeta-read because of me ! Sorry ^^ I will edit the corrected version once i'ts done of course.
Thank you so much for your kind comments all week long, it was a pleasure reading your reactions and your thoughts <3Previous chapter summary --> Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing helped Jin Zixuan so he could infiltrate the infirmary and see Meng Yao, despite the interdiction. In order to do that, Yanli, Nie Huaisang and Lan Zhan distracted the two Madams with a show and while preparing Lotus Pier and his revenge against Jin Guangshan, Wei Changze found the time to help them. If Meng yao wasn't in the best shape to have a devent conversation, it was enough for Jin Zixuan, who also met Meng Shi. He promised to write letter to Yanli and hide within the notes a message for Meng yao, that way they can become friends. Unaware of his bond with the boy, Jin Zixuan walked out of the infirmary room, undetected, safe and sound, but most of all happy as he made his first friend. In the meantime, Jiang Fengmian is dealing with the conference and Cangse Sanren hit a wall (or rather hit her head on a wall) as she was working on the spiritual tool Mme Jin ordered...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When Jiang Fengmian comes back later that day, he is tired. This day in the conference is always dedicated to affiliated, allied and neighbouring minor sects, so he spent the whole day dealing with troubles from them. The kind of troubles that couldn’t be resolved without a discussion with other main sect leaders: trade route infractions, skirmishes on the limit of their territory, rivalry, stolen prey and even outright attacks and attempts at submission. The minor sect leader Yao has been especially hard to reason with, and almost brought his friend, the sect leader of the Ouyang sect, into his bullshit.
The only consolation he has during those days is to see that every sect leader has their troublesome subordinates and neighbours, even Wen Ruohan looked pissed when he faced the Chang Sect leader.
The problem is that he barely has time for anything else, and so could only manage to tell the Sect leaders of the main sects that they would have the closure banquet at Lotus Pier instead of here; leaving the city to the minor sects. Their subordinated and allied sects looked enthusiastic — obviously honoured to get so much attention to their own banquet — however the Jin Sect leader and the Wen Sect leader didn’t.
While Wen Ruohan’s reaction was a mystery for Jiang Fengmian (he would get the opportunity to see his nephew and niece before departing after all); he understood why Jin Guangshan was not, after their brief — but blunt — talk about the incident in the brothel and due compensation he had with him this morning.
Jiang Fengmian had been very clear with Jin Guangshan, summing up the facts; how he went to see a prostitute that happened to be his disciple’s mother, and pushed said disciple from the top in the staircase, the fall resulting in many troublesome injuries; and not even deigning to help. Then he stated the price, and explained why it was so high. He did ask for a higher price than the cost of the two prostitutes’ freedom and the doctor’s fees summed up, as it was normal for negotiation. Jin Guangshan stubbornly stuck to his lie, stating that he only went to the brothel because he was worried for his friend’s reputation, and that he was sad that such a selfless act had such awful consequences. He implied once again that Meng Yao was Jiang Fengmian’s secret son, and even dared to say that he didn’t know Jiang Fengmian could treat his friend (who only had his best interest at heart) so poorly. Jiang Fengmian listened, burying his annoyance and anger deep in his heart and smiled as he proceeded to reduce the price a little bit, for his pain. Jiang Fengmian comforted himself by knowing he still got more than planned as compensation, in the end, and that the man would hate to learn what his money got spent on. Buying the prostitutes’s freedom was good revenge in itself. At least enough in Jiang Fengmian’s mind. Now Meng Yao was looked after and his mother and closest friend were both safe. Of course he is still angry at the Sect Leader and pained for the boy, but he would rather look at the good results rather than the bad past.
Unfortunately, he is the only one in the group to think that way. That’s why the first thing he asks when he sits at the dinner table, at Lotus Pier, is:
“Is everything ready for tomorrow? How is it going to play out?”
Wei Changze nods with a tiny bit of a smile.
“I hope so!” Scoffs Yu Ziyuan. “He was insufferable all day long ; refusing to rest!”
“I rested during your daughter’s show.” The right hand man replies, which makes both Madam Yu and Madam Jin turn red from head to toe.
Jiang Fengmian gives his friend a look — he hopes it conveys his disapprobation.
“You better have a full night rest tonight.”
“I will.” Wei Changze promises.
And he means it, he would hate missing anything of his revenge because of an impromptu nap. He proceeds to give them a rapid explanation of tomorrow’s plan, and where he needs everyone to be. He also gives Madame Jin a powder that is supposed to deal with Jin Guangshan’s performance in bed, and the recipe for it. It is, apparently, from Lan Juan. Yu Ziyuan’s eyes narrow as she understands what he sent the Lan healers to do all day long.
“I took the haunted Pixiu out of the treasury room for this, I hope you don’t mind.” Wei Changze also warns.
Jiang Fengmian’s eyes widen; they captured this spirit so many years ago! It had been one of the first night-hunts they performed together. He thought the thing had been dealt with, but apparently his father had not. He wonders how Wei Changze found it, then remembers he had been dealing with the treasury for eight months now. He probably evaluated the stock when he first arrived, something Jiang Fengmian never bothered with.
Still…
“It was in the treasury?” He repeats in utter disbelief.
Wei Changze hums, and does not say the previous sect leader’s decision was stupid. Jiang Fengmian thinks as much still. He is a little bit suprised ,while he disagreed many times with his own father, and found him rash and sometimes too hasty, he rarely ever judged his decisions to be outright idiotic. He can count the occasions on one hand, and all of them are related to Wei Changze’s treatement as a servant. It’s the first time he thinks as such for a sect related decision. Huh, so his father could make mistakes too . He promises to bow in the ancestral hall to apologize for such unfilial thoughts. Especially since such stupid decision will probably help them tomorrow. Now he can see the outline of his friend’s plan. No one should be hurt but the gaudy sect leader wearing gold, it is a comfort.
After this Jiang Fengmian discusses a bit longer with everyone, to learn how their day went on — if the kids are alright, if the two new ladies were well taken care of — and then turns to Cangse Sanren and smiles:
“And you, are you ready for tomorrow, is your spiritual tool ready?”
All he gets is a low grumble and the most murderous glare he ever saw on his friend’s face.
“That means no.” Informs Wei Changze, unfazed by his not-wife’s temper.
“I’m THIS close to making it!” She protests, showing her fingers almost touching. “I just don’t get what I’m doing wrong! It worked with Wen Ning and his grandma! But then I tried to test it on Wei Changze and me and it didn’t!”
She rolls on the floor, furious. if she could she would stand on her feet and exit the dining hall; she is that angry at herself for not managing to do it. She always said that if she didn’t bend a spell to do what she wanted, it meant she lacked imagination. Well, she hates knowing she lacks imagination right now! There must be a way! She thinks back at how, only two hours earlier, the talisman paper she used with her spiritual tool glowed blue when Wei Changze and she used it together. Wei Changze turned white at that, and only Cangse Sanren’s confidence that it was not possible — that it meant she had made a mistake and that no — she was not one of his long lost siblings, did he relax. And she was sure of it; she remembered a bit of her parents — not much — but enough to know that her mother was not an alcoholic. Besides the time gap didn’t make sense, she had been adopted by Baoshan Sanren so young; way younger than the age Wei Changze had been sold off. and yes, she is a little bit older than him (probably) but not that much for the timeline to make sense. She can’t be one of his older siblings. She made a mistake in the spell. She didn’t take into account dual cultivation activities (which is what they do every now and then, despite Wei Changze not knowing what it is called!) and the inevitable mix of their spiritual energy during this act. It must have confused the enchantment. After all the talisman was supposed to analyze the QI present in one’s blood and if it recognized enough similarity (which she assumed mean parentage) changes color. It had taken a lot of time to reassure her husband about it; without giving away the truth behind dual cultivation (because she loves her surprising naive not-husband). He tried to comfort her back and say that her tool gained an additional use, being able to spot a sexual relationship between cultivators now.
But heck, she wanted the tool to tell if people are related, not if they are bedding each other!
It infuriates her. She didn’t know how to go around this problem yet and had so little time to fix it.
“Will you be able to do the fake one in time?” Asks mme Jin, firmly.
After all, they do not need the real tool to work for tomorrow.
“Of course!” She answers, still pissed.
She is a professional after all (well maybe); that’s the first thing she created. Mostly to have a model, a goal, and define exactly how she wanted the tool and spell to work. She also came up with how to make it show a false result without her being caught.
“Then it is as well, we can make do for tomorrow.” States Mme Jin continuing her meal.
BUT! That’s not the problem! They need the real tool to work! She accepted the challenge! She is not backing down—
“You need to rest Cangse.” Reminds her Jiang Fengmian. “Nothing good will come out of another all nighter!”
“I came up with A-Ying’s spell after two-” She protests.
“Go. To. Bed.” Enforces Yu Ziyuan, her glare cold. “Or I swear I will knock you out.”
Cangse Sanren pouts, and can’t resist the temptation, she takes a pose and whispers:
“Wow, I didn't know you wanted me so much, sworn sister! But you can’t! I promised your other sworn sister I would never bed you or your husband! We must resist!”
She gets a pillow in her face for this joke. She pouts and her husband simply rubs her back, full of compassion. He knows her pain of being forbidden to do what they want in the name of “healthiness”, he had been there (still is).
“You will be able to perfect the tool and make it work later, but we can’t afford mistakes during tomorrow’s banquet. It must work exactly as we want it.” Says Madame Jin.
She growls, still not happy with it, and Wei Changze is the one who gives her the best argument:
“If you work all night on your tool, you will be too tired to see Jin Guangshan get what he deserves.”
She is still not satisfied with herself, but she surrenders to that point. Later, as all adults head to bed (like they should, Jiang Fengmian reminds them again — like he is one to talk, he looks half dead himself), she asks to take a detour to retrieve all her little babies.
Once again the infirmary is crowded.
Meng Yao is already sleeping in the infirmary, exhausted still. He has a lot of broken bones, it’s to be expected. Meng Shi is here too — since there is no available room for the family yet, it has become her and Sisi’s place for the time being. Wen Ning is there too, being examined by the Lan healers and the Jiang doctor, under his older sister’s scrutiny. His fever got down earlier today, but he is still very weak.
“His soul is healing well,” affirms Lan Yuan. “We’re lucky he is so young, it seems it’s mending the gap on its own. Adult cultivators would have remained weak forever with a split like he had.” ]
“The fever is probably just a sign that his body is working hard on the healing process,” adds Lan Juan, with a smile.
Wei Changze on the other side inquires about Meng Yao’s health, and kneels near his son. Wei Ying is sleeping soundly, sprawled on the floor, a piece of clay near his head. Under the guidance of Lan Huan, Meng Shi, and Meng Yao, both he and Lan Zhan started making their “wall of rules” for Lotus Pier.
“And we also taught second master Lan how to write letters,” adds Meng Shi. “He just needed a little bit of structure to get it, and some examples, templates and patterns, but once he got it, it was really fast.”
“Oh no, are you telling me this is too late for little Lan Zhan? He is already brainwashed into a real Lan!” Complains Cangse Sanren.
“There’s nothing wrong with a structured environment…” Mumbles Lan Yuan, grumpy.
“And there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of chaos!” She replies, and their friends are not convinced.
Wei Changze smirks.
Lan Huan and Lan Zhan had already been brought up to their quarters by their senior and tucked into their bed, as it is now way past nine. Nie Mingjue also went back at the same time as them since his little brother needed to go to bed too, but Wei Changze is almost sure he saw him train in the courtyard, as he passed, under the supervision of one of the servants of the Nie delegation.
“Thank you for your hard work,” he says to the woman, as he tries to get his son in his arms.
He can’t, unfortunately, his general exhaustion after the Qi deviation is to blame, he can’t carry his wife nor his son. But he gets help, Granny and the Lan take care of them when he cannot and return to their quarter. Granny holds Wen Ning. They say goodbye to the former prostitutes and wish them goodnight. Wen Qing, the only kid still very energetic, talks to them all the way back. Giving her the painting of her parents softened her, she is more cheerful and open; she even acts a bit childishly, he remarks.
“You know, my dad was doing research on golden cores,” she tells Lan Yuan. “He told me about it! He had tons of ideas, to help common people, one was to develop a tiny golden core when they had a disease that could not be cured! Not a big one, because you know they can’t if they don’t start since childhood but that way they could survive longer than normal and with much less pain. And maybe even activate talismans on their own to protect others, without the help of cultivators. That way they would not be chased away by their family because they were sick and a charge. it happens a lot! I saw this!”
“That’s a very honorable task,” comments Lan Yuan.
“If Sisi and Meng Shi are learning to fight with Yinzhu and Jinzhu, they will have a tiny golden core, right? Why not continue your father’s research on that point? See how it helps Meng Shi to stand her winter cough? Would you be able to do that for me?” Wonders Lan Juan.
Wen Qing’s eyes shine bright at the idea.
“Yes! I will do that! Dad would have loved being here! He would have loved the Jiang robe and A-Li’s food and everything! He would have loved you!” She tells the Wei and the Lan couple.
She pauses for a moment, half sad, the words suddenly too big for her throat and Wen Ning whimpers. The mood drops and they are suddenly very aware of the icy bout of winter in the atmosphere. Then Lan Yuan and Lan Juan take one of her hands each and swing her up, she lets out a surprised gasp and giggles back, delighted.
“Don’t do that! I’m too big!” She protests still, and the Lan healers swing her higher as an answer. Wen Ning claps his hands, amazed.
They really bonded together; and Wei Changze fears the moment they will have to part ways. She must think the same because, after saying goodbye to the Lan, as she goes to her bed, curling next to her little brother under the cover, she asks Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze:
“Uncle Sect leader Wen...He will be there tomorrow?”
“Yes. All Sect leaders will be there.”
“Will he take us back to Qishan?”
It occurs to them that they didn’t relay the information to the Wen kids, on how they will stay here at Lotus Pier. Wen Qing does not smile, when only two days prior, the thought that her only family would come visit had been the only things she seemed to care about (with her brother’s safety). Perhaps she had a change of heart; Cangse Sanren recalls how she gave her the needle before she headed to Nightless city. Maybe the little girl remembered that she didn’t like it back then, hence there was no reason for her to look forward to it now. They hadn’t told her that the Wen sect leader had been responsible for the death of her parents — as it would have been cruel — but if she was so determined to go, they would have to. So she could protect herself.
Husband and wife exchange glance, and Cangse Sanren inquires, her voice soft, if a bit sad:
“Would you want that?”
Wen Qing hums, and she looks at her little brother, who fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow; surely the healing process is taking a toll on his tiny body too. She caresses the top of his hair, tenderly, deep in thought...before she admits, a bit shameful:
“I don’t really like Qishan. And i don’t really like my cousins either.”
“Oh? Would you like to go back to Dafan mountain?”
“I like Dafan mountains, I miss my other cousins and family...but…”
“You like it here?” Guesses Wei Changze.
She hides behind her blanket, but nods nonetheless.
“Are Lan Yuan and Lan Juan always there?” She asks, though.
“I’m afraid not sweetie. They are Lan, they live in Gusu most of the time.” Explains Cangse Sanren.
“But since I’m sick and they are the specialists for what I have, they might come often to visit,” can’t help but add, to give the tiny girl some hope.
It works. She tries to conceal it but her lips definitely go upward, and sends Cangse Sanren’s mood downward. His wife moans as she falls from her sword to the bed, dramatically taking a dejected pose.
“She likes Lan Yuan and Lan Juan better than me! I mean I get it, they're nice, I like them too, but they’re Lan! How could she? Awww, tonight is such a failure of a day…My tool is not working like I want it to, my babies are loving others more than me—!”
She clings to A-Ying, who is still sleeping in their bed since their quarter is so full, and hugs him close.
“At least I have my little A-Ying, I know you’ll never like a Lan more than your mommy!”
“Except maybe Lan Zhan…”
As if A-Ying is giving reason to his dad, he accidentally gives a headshot to his mother’s chin, mumbling and smiling in his slumber. He starts to hum a tune; the one Yanli sang during her “distraction” show. He must have heard it somehow. Wei Changze is impressed. The boy does not get it wrong a single time despite having heard this only once!
“He isn’t tone deaf like his mother,” he whispers with a smile.
“A-Ying! Changze! Why must you hurt me like this?”
She fakes sobbing and he lays down, presses them both close to his heart. She forgives him for the comment, and melts into his arms.
“You’re lucky I love you both,” she whispers, yawning and closing her eyes. He hums, and for once he is the one who succumbs to sleep first.
Only a few hallways away, in the infirmary, Meng Shi prepares the bed with a clean sheet, whistling softly. She is surprised by the absence of an answer, and takes a look back at Sisi. The woman seems deep in thoughts, she has been since the incident. Slowly she reaches for her friend and puts a hand on her wrist.
“Is there anything wrong?”
Sisi is startled by the contact and she stares back at Meng Shi, then Meng Yao, as if she is surprised to find her there still. Meng Shi realizes that her friend had been dragged into this, and while getting her freedom is obviously a good thing, Meng Shi doesn’t want Sisi to leave one cage only to end up in another.
“You know I’m happy to have you by my side,” she tells her, honestly. “But if you’re unhappy here, you don’t have to—”
“I’m happy here!” The former prostitute replies abruptly, but then she corrects her words: “I mean...I don’t know yet. It’s too soon. But we have a chance to be happy, so I want to give it a try but…”
She pauses, her hand in her hair, and looks at Meng Yao once again.
“You told me you got a visit from Jin Zixuan...That they seemed friends...Is that really alright?”
“What do you mean?”
Meng Shi isn’t sure; is Sisi uncomfortable because she allowed her son to see the Jin heir despite Madame Jin’s clear order? She had not taken this decision lightly and thought about the outcome...But her friend’s judgment is not something she took into account, too used to have her unchanging support no matter what she did. Does she find her ungrateful? While she is very grateful to the woman for barging in the brothel and rescuing her, she is also very aware that her act comes from anger rather than generosity. Maybe it’s petty of Meng Shi, maybe she is endangering their already difficult position by allowing this friendship to flourish...
But Sisi’s thoughts however, lays elsewhere:
“The young master Jin...He has everything A-Yao should have had. Aren’t you afraid that...Somehow...A-Yao will grow resentful of this? I don’t see how affection can sprout of this shitty situation! Do you expect them to be brothers, really? How could you ask that of him when while he stayed in the brothel, he just lived here and— ”
“Jin Zixuan does not live here…” She corrects him. Sisi doesn’t listen to him.
“Why? Why are their fates so different? Why does he get to live in relative luxury while he— ”
Meng Shi is pretty sure A-Yao is not the person Sisi is talking about, right now. They both know why her son’s fate is different from Jin Zixuan’s, after all. She touches her friend’s wrist once again, and caresses her palm with her thumb, the same way she did to A-Yao when he was a fussing baby, suffering but unable to tell her why. It always worked. Yet Sisi is an adult, she is older than Meng Shi, her mentor in some sort, she can talk.
“What’s wrong, Sisi?” She asks again.
Sisi’s expression crumbles, she doesn’t cry, but she sniffs and rubs her eyes angrily.
“Nothing. It’s a stupid thought.”
“It’s not stupid if it hurts you.” She assures. “Sisi, you’ve always been there for me, when I’ve been nothing but a charge for you.
“You’ve never-”
Meng Shi sends her a knowing look.
“When we were in the brothel, you’ve always been there for me, to guide me and protect me and A-Yao. Now we’re out…”
Sisi lets out a dry laugh, as if she does not quite believe it still, and Meng Shi shares the sentiment. She dreamed of the day she would be free of this nightmare, for years, since her village burned and her brother and her had been sold off. It is very different from the way she pictured it would happen. It was supposed to be all gold and peace, to be loved by an important man and living in luxury with her son’s future safely secured in the gentry. Instead, her child will be fatherless, and while he still has a chance to be part of the gentry, he will have to work hard if he desires to get by. It is still freedom. But A-Yao will never end up like her brother, or her. She is of course a bit scared he might end up like her family; killed by a monster during a nighthunt, but — She breathes in. One problem at the time. She turns to Sisi again and holds her friend’s hands close.
“Now that we’re out…Let me protect you.”
In the brothel, Sisi had experiences Meng Shi did not have. But out here? It’s sad, but Meng Shi is the one who knows best. Sisi got sold off when she was barely 9. Meng Shi lived free until her 13th birthday. She doesn’t remember much, and she knows she can't go back to the person she was before the brothel, but all she does will be useful for the both of them. And even if A-Yao has not the protection of his father here, he is very much part of the sect ; as long as his place is secured here, so is Meng Shi’s, and so is Sisi’s, she will make sure of that. Only if that’s what the woman wants, though :
“Unless...you want to go?” She whispers, she forces her hands to not spasm and cling to her friend. “Do you still want to go back to your village?”
“There’s nothing waiting for me, there!” Sisi spits. “If my parents are still alive, they would sell me off right away, again. ”
“What about your brothers and sisters?”
Sisi closes her mouth, and her eyes shine in the darkness of the room. Meng Shi can feel how her fingers curl around her own.
“I’m not sure I want to find them anymore.” Sisi confesses, her voice breaking.
“Why?”
Meng Shi is happy she doesn’t, because it means that she gets to keep her friend by her side, but at the same time she can’t help but worry. Just like A-Yao being recognized by his father gave her hope all those years, Sisi’s goal had always been to find her lost siblings. She always said she would become a Madam one day, and reunite all her family scattered away under the same roof; in a makeshift home. A red house still, but at least one they could feel safe and not harassed by their owner. It was a silly, very modest dream; but it had been hers. But maybe she had to let go of it now, because, well...She was free. Becoming a Madam would have allowed her to reunite prostitutes without paying off their debts, after all. Now if she wanted to rescue her sibling from prostitution, as a free woman, she would have to use the normal means. Which she couldn’t, when all she owns right now are the clothes on her back and her dignity. However, yet again, Sisi surprises her:
“What if…What if I had been wrong all along? ” She whispers. “What if they never got sold off like me?”
Meng Shi scoffs; “And where else would they be? They definitely weren’t in your home when you tried to got back, you told me you—”
She stops, because Sisi is avoiding her gaze, and suddenly she gets who she was talking about earlier. She breathes in, sharply. When? Where? The answer is simple to guess:
“One of your siblings is here?”
Sisi bites her lips:
“I’m not sure.”
“How so?”
“Well, the name is right, but it’s a common surname so I didn’t think about it before and...It’s been so long. He is so old. Last time I saw him he was 6. H-How can I be sure? He doesn’t look like my mother…Maybe a bit like father...But I’m not sure. And... He is here. Why is he here? Why did he not get sold off like me?”
The last bit of her sentence is so raw it hurt. Meng Shi can’t help but reach out, she is way tinier than her friend so she has to get on her toes to curl her arm around her neck, pressing close.
“Did you try to talk to him? To learn more about his past? Maybe he did. Maybe he was sold off. Maybe he got rescued by the Jiang too.”
“Maybe…” She mumbles, hiding her face in the crook of her neck. She doesn’t sound like she believes it.
“Maybe they just sold off the girls…” Meng Shi says next. It does not make it any better, but it’s a compromise to her pain.
Sisi lets out a whimper as an answer.
“He doesn’t remember me.” She says. “I looked straight into his eyes, I talked to him several times today, but he didn’t recognize me. He doesn’t remember me. I looked everywhere for him, but he didn't...He was there. Just there! And now I don’t know how to look at him, it makes me so angry ...”
It’s been a very long time, and as Sisi said, the boy had been 6 when they parted, Meng Shi thinks it’s to be expected he doesn’t. She doesn’t say it, because when you’re hurt over something so intimate, the last thing you need is reason. She knows. She hadn’t wanted to hear about Jin Guangshan abandoning her too, the first few months. She clinged to hope. She wants Sisi to have hope too.
“Maybe you could give him your real name, not your prostitute’s? Maybe it will ring a bell?”
Even Meng Shi never heard of Sisi’s real name; the prostitute kept it locked inside her heart, to protect her past self from the harshness of the world. It’s easier, she had said to Meng Shi, to think of yourself as two people, the prostitute and the one you were before. Alias’ help that. Meng Shi didn’t want that; she didn’t want to hide what she had been because she had been too scared to never be able to find it back. She chose to wear a mask, and, over the years, forgot who she was without it, instead.
Self pity doesn’t help Sisi’s case there; maybe her brother is looking for her, but under her real name. Maybe he will remember if he heard it. If it doesn’t, then maybe it’s not him. She hopes it’s not him. But they can’t stay in the fog too long; Sisi will need certitude, confirmation, or she will never be okay with this matter. What if’s are the worst.
“Tomorrow..During the plan…”
Wei Changze has given them instructions, she supposes; both Meng Shi and Sisi don’t have to play a big part. Jin Guangshan would be furious if he saw them outright.
“Let’s learn more about this brother of yours, shall we?”
Their noses brush as she gets a step back, and Sisi nods mechanically.
“What’s his name?” Meng Shi asks. “Let me help you.”
Sisi avoids her gaze, once more, and so Meng Shi forces her to look back, gently cupping her face in her hands. She knows the power of her doe eyes, how no one can resist her. She uses this as a weapon. Her old friend hesitates at first, but then she melts into the touch and yields.
“Wei Changze…” She murmurs.
Meng Shi laughs.
“Yes, we will have to ask the permission of Wei Changze, but he seems nice, I don't think he will say no.”
“No, Meng Shi.” Sisi insists, as she stares at her friend, seriously: “It’s Wei Changze.”
Oh. Meng Shi freezes.
Well, that complicates things a bit, she thinks.
Notes:
I can finally tell you that the first chapter covering the revenge against Jin Guangshan will be chapter 69. A fitting number for him, right? *runs away with her lame joke* I'm currently writing the second part of that revenge and editing it ;) I hope you'll like it as much as i did while writing it!
Also, congratulations for the readers who guessed about Sisi ;)
See you all on Tuesday for next chapter !
Chapter 68: The ghost general is always right!
Notes:
Hello everyone!! I hope you're all doing great ^^ I do! And so do Fraudulent_Moose!! Thank you for all the get-well wishes for him !! He beta-read this chapter and is doing better !!
Now without further ado, I will leave you with this last chapter before the REVENGE. Hope you'll like it =)
Previous chapter summary --> While Jiang Fengmian dealt with the other sect leaders, invited them to have the closure ceremony banquet at Lotus Pier, Wei Changze continued to plan the revenge on Jin Guangshan. While Cangse Sanren did not manage to finish her spiritual tool on time, she did have the fake one ready, so everything was going smoothly. Wen Qing even shown some reluctance over quitting Lotus Pier (but most of all saying goodbye to Lan Yuan and Lan Juan) ; which mean the girl was warming up to them. Everything was going okay, until Meng Shi wondered about Sisi. Her friend acted weirdly upset despite their recent luck. When she coerced into admitting what was wrong, Sisi told her friend what she suspected. Wei Changze might be her little brother.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sect leader Jiang has been kind enough to lend each sect a boat; the path to show them where to dock had been marked by a customised lantern, with each clan’s emblem. The whole place had been decorated for the occasion, the golden strings are hidden among garlands, and tiny bells that make no sound despite the cold wind blowing. Winter could not reach the place, thanks to the talismans carved into the wood, and Lotus Pier’s inner courtyard’s temperature is as warm as the early summer days of Gusu.
One would never thought this whole setup had been improvised last minute. Yu Ziyuan made sure of that (once she had gotten out of her daughter’s grasp and her sworn sister’s mood). She used most of what they had from the last conference, five years ago, and asked servants to alter it just enough so that people could not notice it is the same. She had done a wonderful job; Jiang Fengmian thinks as he welcomes the other sect leaders into his home.
Lan Qiren is happy the conference is almost over; he has never been a fan of social gathering and he cannot wait to be back at Cloud Recesses, surrounded by books and peace. But he has one ordeal yet to survive in order to do that: to retrieve both of his nephews from Lotus Pier and spend a banquet there. Where Cangse Sanren is currently living. He tries to breath through his nose and convince himself that it can’t be that bad — it’s just a few hours, after all, he has years of Lan discipline teaching him restraint — but he knows he is fooling himself the moment he steps into the Pier.
The first thing that proves him right is his youngest nephew. Lan Zhan is waiting for him with Lan Huan, Lan Juan and Lan Yuan silently guarding them. The boy’s white training forehead is gone, instead he wears the red one he loves so much.
“Lan Zhan...Where is your training ribbon?” He asks immediately.
He hopes the boy hasn’t lost it, he told him to be careful. The loss of a training ribbon is not serious, but he doesn’t want the elders to think of Lan Zhan as nothing but perfect; he has too many crosses to bear already.
Lan Zhan, unshakable, points out in the direction of the Lotus Pier courtyard, where Wei Wuxian is playing with the Jiang children. The boy has a red and a white ribbon braided into his hair.
Lan Qiren suddenly gets why Cangse Sanren said they almost ended up being in the same family. The thought gives him a shiver. He prays all of the gods to not let this happen and he swears he is going to explain Lan Zhan why he cannot, under no circumstances, do that again. He is sure the small boy didn’t mean it and didn’t understand the consequences of his action. He cannot ask Wei Wuxian to give it back; the rules are clear, the kid’s training ribbon is their responsibility, parents should not meddle with it — after all it’s for them to learn to care for their future sacred ribbon. He will have to ask for another one when they come back at Cloud Recesses. Hopefully, Lan Zhan will lose only one ribbon; and not ten or so, like some kids do...Hopefully he will not break Lan Juan’s sad record, who lost twenty five training ribbons (and gave Lan Yuan ten of them). Lan Qiren will scold him to make sure of that. He will not do it here though, such a public display would be unsightly.
He doesn’t want to make his family a show like the Nie. The Sect Leader Nie hadn’t even stepped one foot on the dock before his oldest son just surged on him with a wooden sword and they engaged themselves in a fake fight while laughing...
Yes; scolding Lan Zhan will wait until they have more privacy, so instead he turns to Lan Huan and asks him how he is, if he enjoyed his stay here, and if he finished his cultivation book like he promised he would.
Lan Huan smiles and tells him he loved being here, that he made a lot of friends and hope he will be able to come back one day (heavens!) and then drops the bomb:
“I didn’t finish the book, I gave it to my new friend.”
And he points out another boy, the one Cangse Sanren brought with her two days ago, during the opening ceremony. (The son of the prostitute! He recalls, a little bit nauseous, but he forces himself to remember the rules and to not judge someone by their origin but by their actions...So...The kid who had invited himself to the Sect leader’s banquet!) The boy is sitting on the terrace surrounded by Wei Changze, and two beautiful women. The Nie delegation must have arrived sooner because Nie Mingjue is already there presenting the boy to his father too. He pauses, though, as the kid is obviously hurt — covered with bandages. He wasn't like that last time Lan Qiren saw him, what happened? He pushes that thought away, as there is one bigger problem:
One of the Lan secret book techniques, given away, as a gift, to a common kid, another sect’s disciple, the son of a prostitute!
Lan Qiren wants to cry. Where did he do wrong with his nephews’ education, he wonders. Well at least they’re following the rules, being generous and kind...he tries to stay positive. He will have to talk to Lan Huan too, about the importance of Lan clan’s belongings and secrets that must not be shared with strangers. Fortunately they have a copy of this book in the library.
Lan Huan must senses his uncle’s distress because he adds:
“Don’t worry I will be able to take it back with me on the boat! My friend got into a fight and has been in the infirmary since yesterday, so I read it to him, and he said to me he finished it this morning! He’s awesome, uncle, he memorized it already and can recite some parts when I ask!”
A fight?! Who let his nephew befriend hooligans!? Lan Qiren panics, not hearing the last part of the sentence.
“A-Zhan made friends too!” Says Lan Huan, probably feeling the need to get off this dangerous path.
“Really?” He asks, in disbelief. That would be, actually, excellent news. He stares at his youngest nephew, who nods approvingly, and proudly shows him four fingers.
“Four friends?” He guesses.
A-Zhan nods again and points out Wei Wuxian (Lan Qiren knows that, he both loves and hates that fact), but also Jiang Yanli, surprisingly. Nie Huaisang also. And then a little boy who is wearing a mourning sash, daydreaming with two fingers in his mouth. He looks a little bit younger than the others.
“Really?” Mimics Lan Huan, who seems as surprised as his uncle on that last addition. But A-Zhan nods firmly.
“They are napping buddies!” Explains Lan Juan with a smile. “Right second young master?”
Again A-Zhan nods.
That’s when Lan Qiren realizes he didn’t even bother saying hi to the Lan healers, too distressed by Lan Zhan’s missing forehead ribbon. He corrects this and gives them a grateful bow of the head, to thank them for their work here, then inquires about their patients and how they handled those days. He knows they would have to come back at Lotus Pier regularly during the year already, as they said as much when he arrived, but do they have a more precise schedule planned yet? While Lan Juan is obviously pleased by the authorization to speak and do so, Lan Yuan is pouting in the background. In Lan Qiren’s experience, Lan Yuan has three dangerous expressions; first the polite smile he gives you when he has no choice, but probably wants to murder you in his mind. That’s the face he has when talking to elders. Then the perfectly obedient and little submissive Lan face that he does when he thinks you did something stupid. Or when you forbid him from doing something stupid and decides he will do it behind your back anyways without breaking any rules to piss you off. That’s the face he had when he married Lan Juan. And finally the third one, the grumpy one, when something bothers him very much but he can’t tell you without being punished, and so he tip toes around the subject making passive aggressive comments until you want to murder him. It’s the one Lan Qiren is the most familiar with, having witnessed it all throughout their childhood. He has this one right now. But he lets his wife speak for now. Lan Juan explains to Lan Qiren what they did to Wei Changze, what the man will need once again, and how they can organize their schedule to make sure the right-hand-man has access to the treatment he needs.
“Yesterday we talked to the Lotus Pier’s doctor, and gave him a quick instruction of what to do, but it would be better if we could be allowed to come back at least every two months to supervise his healing process. It will certainly help our research…” She tells him.
Lan Qiren promises to try to convince the Elders. It had been difficult for them to accept but Lan Juan didn’t cause any political incidents while being here; she proved she could not shame the Lan Clan. He hopes it will help her case. She probably wants to continue talking but Lan Huan is eager to show his uncle around Lotus Pier and Lan Juan encourages him to let him do so. The boy takes his uncle’s hand and leads him right to left. “Here we swam!” he says pointing to a warm Lotus pond. “Here we shoot kites with a bow and arrow!”; “Here I raced against Meng Yao, with Nie Mingjue in my arms!” (Excuse me, what? Lan Qiren thinks) On the whole, Lan Qiren gets that his nephew didn’t study much while being here; but had a lot of fun. He doesn’t know what to think of it — part of him is annoyed by this lack of rigor in their education, but the other is just happy they are happy. And it’s not like he expected them to be studious when he knew Cangse Sanren was partly babysitting them. Now that he thinks about it... Where is Cangse Sanren?
He doesn’t see her anywhere, and if there is one rule he learned with the damn woman, is that...While it’s dangerous for her to be around, it’s worse when she is not when she should be. It means she is up to something behind your back. Something that might explode in your face and shave your goatee. He tries to spot the figure, but fails utterly.
He is stopped by his nephews in front of a strange arrangement; several clay tablets are layed in the sun to dry.
“This is Lotus Pier’s wall of rules.” Explains Lan Huan with a big smile, as he takes one and shows it to his uncle. “We made it ourselves, we chose the rules and wrote it down! A-Zhan helped too!”
Lan Qiren blinks, once, twice. Then blinks again and gets closer to the tablet, as if he could read it better that way, narrowing his eyes. Both Lan Zhan and Lan Huan are so proud of this achievement, even though these rules are...Well, very strange. First there are several handwriting on the tablet; giving away when one’s rules is from someone else. Some are childish, others are from adults (those saying “share your toys” or “do not break other’s property” for example), some have conditions — which are also probably added by adults. He recognizes Lan Huan’s practiced calligraphy easily, and Lan Zhan’s less perfect one. Their rules are more or less just their favorites from Cloud Recesses, with a little twist here and there. Lan Huan’s personal favorite, “Be kind to others,” was easy to spot, and Lan Zhan’s “Do not make loud noise” is to be expected. They both added "Do not gossip" as it is special for both of them. Lan Zhan is also obviously the one who added “Do not force people to talk.” Is it how he is feeling: that they are forcing him to socialize?
There are rules that are way less wise, like “Each good action should be rewarded with candy” or the absurd “One should receive eight hugs a day” and a strange one that states ‘Do not touch other people’s food,” but overall it’s generally cute. Lan Juan kneels down beside Lan Qiren and whispers, eager:
“I’m thinking of doing the same at the nursery, that way, hopefully it will help babies understand the importance of rules and even like some of them!”
Lan Qiren thinks it’s a good bet, as long as the children don’t mix their fake rules with the real ones as they grow older. It can’t be bad to have more rules anyways.
“Do you know,” he tells his nephews, “that back then when the Lan clan was just a clan and not a sect yet, anyone could propose a rule to be added on the wall?”
He proceeds to tell them that, back in those times, many generations ago, elders would list the rules that were proposed and vote if it belonged on their sacred wall. Of course, overtime, as the clan grew and had to handle many more people, this custom got forgotten. Mostly because they had a lot of rules already and many propositions were just repetitives of the ones they already had accepted. The two boys listen to his story fervently, so he adds a bit of dates and important names for them to remember.
At one point Lan Zhan surprises him, as he pulls his uncle’s hand and leads him to the end of the courtyard, where a large wooden panel stands. This one does not have rules but gives examples of punishment; it is probably more official than their clay tablet. Lan Qiren hums as he looks at it, feeling a small pang in his heart. He once thought of installing such things at Cloud Recesses; as some teachers tended to punish some students (like Lan Juan) more severely, and sometimes unfairly. He thought that giving a pattern to punishment would help avoid that and help them be righteous, and he shared this idea with teachers, who then convinced Qigheng-Jun to talk to it in a sect leader meeting with the elders. It never came to be.
Teacher died and his brother married his murderer before going into seclusion; the idea forgotten by all, Lan Qiren included.
Maybe it’s time to try again, he thinks. Back then it took all his strength and will to fight the grief, the anger and the sadness, he had not the energy to lead such battle, but now...Well now he is still angry and sad sometimes, and of course he still grieves for his teacher and in a sense, his brother, but even if the pain never dulled, he endured it for so long now that he built much greater stamina. He can handle a few more fights than just barely holding on to what he has left of his old life. He looks at Lan Zhan who would probably need the punishment board more than Lan Huan, given his tendency to stay silent and stubborn. Lan Qiren would hate to see him treated unfairly; some elders would of course take his muteness as disobedience or provocation, but at least with a imposed punishment, Lan Qiren would make sure they could not be too harsh on him.
He is still thinking about that when Yu Ziyuan, as the host’s Madame, calls all Sect leaders to reunite and take their place at the table. The courtyard had been organized for them, and he notices how each clan has specific colored seats with embroidered cushions. Sect leader seats being surrounded by lanterns arboring their clan’s symbol. Every Sect leader gets to their places with their heirs, disciples and servants. Except for the Jin Sect Leader who is still talking to Jiang Fengmian in an isolated spot. They are probably finishing some last minute business as he witnesses an exchange of money. It happens quite a lot at Conferences. Lan Qiren doesn’t mind much; but he remembers in case he feels a shift of power between the sects in the following years. It’s always good to know about potential secret alliances.
Lan Qiren is delighted to see that Lan Huan and Lan Zhan are to be seated near him too, as he takes his seat. He assumed they would be separated from adults, but as the current heirs it makes senses they are not.
Though, the boys do not seem to understand they have to behave — they picked bad habits while being here — and Lan Huan especially tries to wave his hands at the Nie children.
“Lan Huan,” Lan Qiren immediately scolds him. “Sit properly. Do not talk during meals.” He recites.
Lan Huan lowers his gaze, puts his hands on his knee and pouts. This cannot be tolerated.
“Do not show your emotions like this. You’re representing the Lan Sect right now. You either smile or be neutral, am I clear?”
He looks at Lan Zhan too, who simply stares back, expressionless. By his side, Lan Huan nods again and his lips curve up even if his eyes are shining bright. Lan Qiren regrets hurting him; but it’s better that way, wearing his emotions on his sleeve will do him no good in the future. Emotions are the reason why his brother ruined his life, and theirs, in one single swift move. He can’t promise the boys they will be able to play with their friends after the meal, to make up for it, as unfortunately the dinner might take the whole evening. He can only relate to his nephews in spirit.
Unfortunately the Lan clan is facing the Jin Sect Leader. He swallows a sigh and tells himself he only has to stand the man for a mere couple of hours and then it will be over. It’s going to be hard, as the man seems irritated and especially in a bad mood right now. He pumps up his chest, trying to look important and talk loud about anything, drowning others with little information that is supposed to make him look more powerful than he actually is. Don’t be judgmental, Lan Qiren forces himself to remember. It’s especially hard when he makes a move on a beautiful servant and Madame Jin, next to him, furious, “accidentally” hits the servant’s arm, making her spill the plates she had been holding. Both the madame and her son get covered with food. The young heir starts hyperventilating and she hauls him away so they can bath and change quickly while admonishing the servant very loudly. Jin Guangshan does not even move and even makes a comment about his wife making his son too obsessed with appearance and that her jealousy is misplaced.
That’s when Lan Yuan sits at his right, still pouting obviously and nothing preventing him from complaining. Should Lan Qiren order him to remain silent for the whole banquet? Lan Yuan could probably not disobey a direct order and despite his mood swings, Lan Yuan tries to be a good Lan and respects the rules. Maybe that order could save Lan Qiren from a headache. But he knows his genius infirmary head disciple; the man will find a way around the interdiction to still make his intent clear:
“What is it Lan Yuan?” He asks, because he is better off knowing right now.
Lan Yuan smiles.
“Do you know how dangerous stairs can be?” The man inquires with an innocent (yet shit eating) face.
He hears Lan Juan groans in the background, and it might be his imagination but it seems like the Jin Sect Leader frowns in their direction.
For the next four hours, stairs are the only things that Lan Yuan talks about. How dangerous it is, the injuries one could withstand if they fell down them, especially small children! Lan Qiren has no clue why this is an important subject for him, today. Did Lan Juan fall down one? There’s no stairs at Lotus Pier, how could she? Wait it’s Lan Juan, could the clumsy woman find the only couple of stairs here and fall down? Probably. But Lan Jaun seems fine. So maybe not. Did Lan Yuan finally snap? Does he want him to destroy all the stairs at Cloud Recesses?! (As if it was possible! But if Lan Qiren did not have as much restraint he would be considering it, just to make him shut up). He exchanges one long look with his nephews, especially Lan Huan, takes a deep breath and erases all his emotions on his face, starting inner meditation. He hopes they learn from this, as it is a very important skill to survive such gatherings.
On the other side of the courtyard, A-Ning holds his sister’s hands tightly. She is looking for an opportunity to talk to their uncle, but the man is apparently very busy. A-Ning plays with his mourning robe, his heart anxious. He knows uncle is important, the sect Leader of the Wen, so they have to respect him, obey him and like him. But A-Ning doesn’t know him much, and his friend told him to be wary of him and to try to avoid being noticed by him. The ghost general is a bit spooky, but he is nice, he always makes sure A-Ning has nothing but sweet dreams. He scares the nightmares away and lets mommy and daddy always be there during nights. He also said that Wei Wuxian will always make sure he is safe, and he had been right, so A-Ning trusts his words: uncle is to be feared.
He wishes he could find the courage to tell his sister about it, though, but each time he tries words fails him and he stammers. He doesn’t know what to think of this whole situation.
If only he could ask his friend for advice, but the Ghost general can only be there when he sleeps. A-Ning managed to talk to him a few times during the day, when he was lost in thoughts and the whole world was turning into nothing but blurry colors and echoes, unfortunately he doesn’t know how to control that.
Finally he feels a pull, and his sister rushes into the courtyard with him. He stumbles a bit, as the Wen Sect leader grows nearer and feels his heart pulsing in his throat. A-Ning drags his feet to slow them down, in vain. A-Qing is already here, and Uncle Sect leader is looking right back at them.
A-Qing bows cautiously, and she tugs at his hands so he does the same, which A-Ning does, trembling a bit. Behind them two adults arrive; Granny and Jiang Fengmian. Granny puts a comforting hand on A-Ning’s back as she bows to and offers greeting to her sect leader. Uncle ignores her, talking to Jiang Fengmian but A-Ning can’t hear them. There’s a loud bump bump in his temple, it echoes in his ears and chest. It covers every other sound around.
Uncle looks scary and angry.
A-Ning doesn’t remember how he is related to them, but he sure looks nothing like his mommy or daddy. Never had mommy or daddy looked like this, even after A-Ning’s worst mischief. When he broke mommy’s favorite vase she just looked sad. A-Ning wishes he could have told her he was sorry, before she died. He did it already, but he wants her to be sure he really is. So the next time they meet, in their next life, she will want to be his mother again. He wants daddy to be there too, and A-Qing. And maybe he can be friends with everyone from Lotus Pier again too, make them meet his parents so they can be friends with his friends’ parents too. That would be great. He wants them to be together in every future next-life.
I am sure they would agree with you, b-but maybe you should focus on this life first before thinking of the next?
A-Ning stops and breathes in; that’s his friend’s voice! The ghost general! He looks around but doesn’t see him, which makes sense he is not sleeping right now. It’s too bad, he wishes he could be there too and protect him from the uncle Sect leader that looks so scary, like he does with nightmares. He knows Wei Wuxian made up the story about the ghost general protecting the Jiang to scare Jin Zixuan, and he is not a Jiang, but still...
I will try to protect you, whispers the Ghost general.
The promise, though unsure, comforts him enough so he looks up to see his uncle sect leader again. A-Qing is so brave, she isn’t intimidated at all, when he tells her she answers him with a crystal clear voice. When A-Ning speaks his words are all messed up and he hiccups. He doesn’t like the sound of it either. So when the uncle sect leader turns to him, he hides behind his sister and refuses to open his mouth. He doesn’t appear happy with A-Ning’s reaction, and returns to A-Qing. Well, A-Ning isn’t happy with how he treats A-Qing, and Granny and his family in general, so they’re even. When he speaks next, though, his voice is so loud it’s like he is screaming without looking like it:
“I leave you to Jiang Fengmian’s care. It has appeared to both of us that it would be more detrimental to your health for you to come to Nightless city. Remaining close will make sure you have everything you need in order to take over your branch family in your parents’ stead in due time.”
He puts a big hand on A-Qing and A-Ning’s shoulder. It’s cold and firm. A-Ning yelps at the contact, it hurts, his fingers press hard on his bones, but the stare he gives them is the worst. It’s like flames without the warmth.
“Though you are in Jiang Fengmian’s care, never forget that you are Wen. Be proud of your surname. Be worthy of it. I will make sure to send you the best tutors so you can show the Wen Sect’s greatness here. Do not shame the Wen or you will spit on your parents’ legacy.”
A-Ning doesn’t understand, and the ghost general’s voice is far away in his own mind, so he can’t ask him to translate, but A-Qing looks like she is about to cry so he assumes it’s bad. Uncle Sect's leader then goes away, without looking back, sitting at his place in the banquet. They can't go there; because they are mourning and wearing white. Shouldn’t his sect leader uncle be too? Isn’t he family? Why isn’t he sad for A-Ning’s parents’ deaths?
Jiang Fengmian gives them a kind smile and granny offers them both candies. She pats A-Qing’s hair while humming a compassionate “ Here” that soothes both kids. Though A-Ning really calms down only when the uncle sect leader is out of sight.
“We’ll take great care of you,” promises Jiang Fengmian. “And of course, every member of your family is welcome to visit you at Lotus Pier or even install their house in the neighborhood if they need.”
“C-can we go to the mountain too?” A-Ning stammers. He wants to see his cousin. He misses him. And Granny has to come back to take care of him too, at one points, he knows. A-Qing explained it to him.
“Of course.” Says Jiang Fengmian. “Now, let’s find you a peaceful place to stay.”
He leads them to a terrace a little bit far away from the water; where they can see the people in the courtyard and almost hear them too. There’s already Wei Wuxian’s daddy here, and one of the two pretty ladies that arrived yesterday...And even Meng Yao! His pee-brother and friend! A-Ning sits near him, and thinks he looks okay: still full of bandages yes, but smiling. Even though every part of his body must hurt right now, he knows he has a lot of broken bones after all. A-Qing tells A-Ning to avoid the woman (who is Meng Yao’s mother). She is sick and A-Ning is still weak from yesterday’s fever, she says. Granny takes Wei Changze’s place as he stands — and stumbles a bit — and leaves when Meng Shi’s friend calls him.
“The Jin Madam and the Jin heir have changed clothes.” She tells him.
“Nothing sparkly?” He inquires.
“Yes, it is the last day of the conference after all, they didn’t have any more clothes to wear and there’s no time to do the laundry. Of course, we gave them outfits worthy of their rank but I'm afraid we did not have golden attires.”
“Thanks a lot for your help, you should stay here now, it’s safer.”
A-Ning isn’t sure he gets all those complicated words, but their tones sound off and fake. It’s strange. Wei Changze grins and moves toward the courtyard.
“Where are you going?” Asks A-Qing. And A-Ning thinks the same; the man has taken his meal with them since they arrived, it would be weird to start eating without him.
Wei Changze gives them all a smile, and his gaze falls on the banquet taking place in the courtyard.
“A great show is about to begin and they need me to start it all.”
He pats both of their heads, does the same to Meng Yao and makes a small sign to the two ladies:
“I hope you’ll enjoy it.”
And then he leaves, and A-Ning watches, his mind a little bit fuzzy, wondering about every possibility that could happen. In the middle of his day dream a little voice in the back of his mind says: If old master Wei is anything like his son, you’ll like it.
A-Ning trusts the Ghost general, until now, he had always been right.
Notes:
Hope this is starting to answer your interrogation about Wen Ning's state and his relation with the Ghost general ! ^^ And also Lan Qiren's reaction to his nephews's antics xD
Next chapter will be the start of the revenge on Jin Guangshan, it starts slow and will end on chapter 70 and then after a few pause to deal with subplots, i'm starting the arc of timeskip. (FINALLY)I'm very tired lately, I come back from work, take a bath, eat and go to sleep xc (And I do not have weird fanfic dreams, just weird nightmares where I have meeting for work at the municipal swimming pool, trying to write down notes on watered paper...fun) I wish there was your hours in a day so I could so something of my evenings (like playing games). But oh well. I'm gonna get the rhythm back again. I hope you're all doing well, stay safe and healthy ^^
Chapter 69: Revenge, step 1
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you all had a good week =D
Me I finally found the time to play video games ! (Xenoblade chronicle 1 was waiting for me since may and I'm shook by the beginning of the story OoO) You're all so sweet telling me to take care so I decided to listen to you.
This chapter is also beta-read by Fraudulent_Moose who is definitely better again ^^
Now...Without further ado, let's start with...Previous chapter summary (Or PREVIOUSLY ON-) --> The last day of the conference finally comes to an end, and with it the closure banquet. Everything seems to be ready, Yu Ziyuan managed to make Lotus Pier looks comfy, Wei Changze has everything in place for his plan, Jiang Fengmian welcomed the Sect Leaders one by one...He received the compensation money from Jin Guangshan but also witnessed the few harshes words the Wen kids exchanged with Wen Ruohan. Unaware that, in the secrecy of Wen Ning's mind, the ghost general watched it too. Lan Qiren was welcomed by his nephews, not the Jiang Sect leader, and they eagerly showed him around the place, definitely happy their trip, telling their uncle how much the place had corrupted their minds. Lan Qiren was baffled by the amount of work it would require him to get them back on the right track. But not all hope was lost : after seeing the kid's wall of rules, and the punishment board, which reminded him on one lost idea he dropped years ago, Lan Qiren felt a little bit better. Then he had to sit for the diner, with the Lan delegation. Lan Yuan, unfortunately was in a sour mood and bothered him to no end, talking about the danger of stairs. The whole banquet was starting great though, only one minor accident occurred, involving Madam Jin and her son, which forced them to change into lesser not-golden robe. He sure hoped the whole banquet would continue to be calm and that he would be able to return to his beloved Cloud Recesses in peace, after a few hours. Unfortunately, he feared it was not meant to be, after all, he hadn't seen Cangse Sanren yet. That can't be good. Right?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Changze’s revenge starts small.
Jin Guangshan doesn’t see it coming at all; when he is, in fact, surrounded by it. There are incense burners all around each Sect Leader’s seat. it’s a Yunmeng speciality, a very spicily flavoured one that doesn't sell very well because of its notoriously poor reaction to one other substance. A powder that is used to perfume cushions. Combining the two often makes outsiders’s eyes water, their throat to hurt and their skin to itch. Oops! Too bad the servants, knowing how the Jin are precious, put this powder on the Jin Sect Leader’s seat. Not on his son as they are aware by now how that he hates dirt, nor on the Madam’s because she personally asked them not to. He also, just to make sure the reaction would be minor during the banquet but hit at full strength tomorrow, asked Cangse Sanren to sew an enchantment on the cushion this morning. His wife, after her failure with the spiritual tool, had been all too eager to do something she knows would work. Besides technically, if the spell is discovered, without knowing of the combining substances, most people would simply think it will allow the one sitting on it to feel refreshed and push his soreness away for later. A kind act, in short.
Jin Guangshan is already scratching his forearm discreetly. Wei Changze once saw someone get hives from the combination of the two; it doesn’t always happen, but he sure prays it will thanks to the spell.
The second step of his plot demands his intervention.
Jin Guangshan is allergic to peanuts. Wei Changze knows this because he did his research at Cloud Recesses to protect the Yunmeng servants from his filthy hands. Of course he strongly advised every servant girl attending the banquet tonight to use his old trick and smooth their skin with peanut oil; but he didn’t stop there. He has made sure the sect leader’s appetizers contained peanuts. Jiang Fengmian, the killjoy, said no murder (and also it would probably end up a tragedy, and an innocent cook executed if he let Jin Guangshan eat peanuts). So he doesn’t. Instead he asked the servant to serve the same appetizer to the man, so it allows him to step up;
“I’m sorry Sect leader Jin,” he says, “We’ll serve you another appetizer, one that will suit your taste better.”
It is a small humiliation, as no other — not his son who has a phobia, not even the Lan who are vegetarian —has to ask for a special plate.
Unfortunately Jin Guangshan beams at the attention instead of feeling ashamed — too bad, Wei Changze expected him to be like his son, and hate being the exception among his peers. Well. It doesn’t matter, as it is not the core of the prank.
He asks for the plate to go back to the kitchen and to bring what he specially prepared himself.
Wei Changze is, by far, not the best cook there is. On the contrary, his wife oftens tells him that his food tastes like magma. (She is exaggerating, if she had ever tasted magma, she would not be there to speak of it). He is aware he is always a bit too generous with spices.This time he felt like the most generous man he has ever been. He put all his love and thought very, very fondly of all Jin Guangshan did right in his life. Like throwing his own kid from the top of stairs and beating a prostitute mistress, humiliating his wife and madam’s friend, groping Cangse…Many, many other things that Wei Changze wants to personally thank him for.
He is honestly proud of the result. It doesn’t look like it could pierce a hole in one stomach.
Never trust appearances.
Jin Guangshan takes the first bite of the appetizer and he turns red from head to toe. He scoffs, tries to drink the tea (full of the drug that is supposed to make his little Jin unable to perform). He barely manages to utter a word of complaint as he points to the dishes. Wei Changze approaches, summoning all his years of experience as a servant to appear poised.
“Is there any problem with the dish, Sect Leader Jin?” He inquires, politely.
Jin Guangshan lets out a bit of fumes and a mumble of words that don’t quite make sense, but are what Wei Changze interprets as “It’s too spicy are you trying to poison me?” (Which is unfair, if Wei Changze was allowed to have him poisoned, he would be dead right now).
“Oh?” Says Jiang Fengmian, as it was planned. “Wei Changze, you have been our poison taster before, can you check the meal?”
“Are you sure about this Sect Leader Jiang, your right hand-man already looks like he avoided death by a inch!” Jokes the Nie Sect Leader.
“That’s actually pretty accurate. But I’m fine now.” Wei Changze tells him.
The Nie sect leader almost chokes on his drink.
Wei Changze takes a mouthful of the portion. He schools his expression as he munches the food; but the truth is that Wei Changze can tolerate the most spicy dish ever. Cangse Sanren says it’s because he killed all his taste buds by eating his magma-food too often. but he can actually taste his wife’s meal when she cooks and say it’s very bad, so she’s probably wrong about it. Maybe it’s just his quirk; Wei Changze, predisposition to Qi deviate, be depressed, and eat spicy food. That would make at least one useful trick on his list. Whatever the reason behind this,he puts it into good use, as he can stares Sect Leader Jin right in the face and says without a doubt:
“It’s very tasty, and I feel no poison in it.”
What he didn’t plan is for Wei Ying to escape the Jiang’s supervision to rush to his father’s side. He picks with his finger a bit of the food for him too. Jin Zixuan lets out a gasp, offended, and Wei Changze’s heart misses a beat but it’s too late to stop the boy.
Wei Ying munches the bit he took carefully.
“Yummy!!” He states with a big grin.
Fortunately Yu Ziyuan scolds him and orders him to return to his seat before he asks to get a portion too. Wei Ying pouts but obeys, ignorant that he unwillingly helped their revenge.
Now Jin Guangshan cannot admit that he is unable to eat the dish a five year old child can handle. Heck, he would not dare say that the sect tried to poison it either, as the right-hand man and his son ate it too! So it is a delight to see him struggle to finish his plate in the following hour.
Maybe one would call Wei Changze petty and childish, but he can accept such denomination. He hopes Meng Yao is watching (and Meng Shi) and that they look as happy as Madam Jin does. The woman drinks her tea and gazes at her husband with a little satisfied smirk on her face. if she likes it, she will love what comes next. He has heard awful stories about how the Jin bullies servants in their tower — while the previous Sect Leader Jiang did not trust Wei Changze and challenged him very often to prove his loyalty, or beat him once for his mistakes, he never pulled such a prank on the boy. Or anyone. So Wei Changze supposes he learned to do that on his own, without any example. What does it say about him…?
Think positive, he forces himself to recall, swallowing hard. Since he fails to do so, he hops on the next step of his plot instead. This one will take a little bit more time to arrive though. The pot Sisi hid away yesterday should not be submerged by water yet. So, to pass the time he goes and sits next to his son. A-Ying climbs on his knees and whispers:
“Why are you mean to Zixuan’s dad?”
Smart boy. He adjusts his son’s robe, checking with his thumbs that it’s the right one. The one A-Li offered him, with protective spells sewed into it. He is not sure if the boy will need it later but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
“I can’t tell you.” Wei Changze answers, because A-Ying would never be able to keep such a secret;he is too young.
“Does he deserve it?” Inquires A-Ying, absolutely not phased. Then he adds: “Is he the one that hurts Yao-bro?”
Wei Changze takes a deep breath in. His son is too smart for his own good. He thinks about it, Is the lie really necessary? Because he promised he would try. Finally Wei Changze decides that Jin Guangshan is not worth anything, not even a lie, so he says:
“Yes.”
A-Ying’s eyes narrow and he scratches his nose as he stares at the Jin Sect Leader, thoughtful. He doesn’t have the time to go through whatever he is thinking, unfortunately, as Cangse Sanren finally barges into the courtyard.
She insisted to continue working on her spiritual tool until the last minute, in hopes to make it work before the banquet. Wei Changze guesses she didn’t manage to do it, as she is still frowning and has ink all over her hands and face. Despite her disheveled appearance (which Yu Ziyuan comments on because she spent half of the morning trying to make her pretty) and grumpiness, her expression shifts immediately when she plays her part and states:
“Sect Leader, I’ve done it! I’ve made it!”
In the crowd, Lan Qiren gets all stiff, as if he is readying himself to face an up-coming disaster that Cangse Sanren is bringing along. He is not technically wrong.
Jiang Fengmian is a way lesser actor than the famous troublemaker and he answers, stiffly:
“What did you do?”
It’s funny how he can be so good at politics and bluffing but the moment you give him a script to follow for revenge purposes he turns into a mess. He has always been like that, but he definitely got better than before. Wei Changze remembers fondly the many times Jiang Fengmian ended up facing his father after one mischief; once, too stressed about looking natural, he just threw the incriminating proof he was carrying into the river, exactly right where Wei Changze was hiding. Once Fengmian’s father asked his son what Wei Changze had been up too (and the answer was that he was training secretly) and Fengmian casually decided to play dumb and answered “Who is Wei Changze?” It didn’t end very well for either of them that day. Fortunately now Fengmian is used to politics and to play out just the right amount of dumbness, even if sometimes the stage fright still gets the better of him sometimes.
“Cangse, we are in the middle of the banquet, it better be important!” Scolds Yu Ziyuan, a way better actor than her husband — surprisingly. But maybe her outrage is not that faked and that helps. Her sworn sister did ruin her make-up.
Cangse Sanren pouts and shows out the — fake — spiritual tool she is working on. It is small, carved in wood. It has the appearance of a paper weight, but when she turns it to Jiang Fengmian, they all can see it’s actually a seal the back of it is stylised, probably holding the complex spell. If you put it in the ink and put it on a paper, the enchantment would be imprinted on it.
“Of course it is important! You remember what you asked me for?” She says very loudly. “How to make the rumors about us and your bastards die down? Well, chan cha cha chan!: here is the key to that!”
There’s a visible curiosity in the audience now, while some — like Lan Qiren — still look annoyed by Cangse Sanren’s rudeness. Sect Leader Jin’s reaction is what matters though; and Wei Changze focuses on him. He still does not seem to understand the consequences of such an invention still, and is muttering, overly confident, that the women here do not know how to behave.
Fool.
“This can surely wait” Insists Fengmian, as he had been asked to. The key to protecting your lies from being discovered is either to redirect the attention to something else, or point out the flaw of the logic on purpose so that you can counter it by your own means. Here the weakness of this whole show is the Sect Leaders asking to eat their dinner in peace so: “I would not want our guests to-”
Madam Jin is supposed to intervene here and now, and says she is curious about the invention, but Wen Ruohan is faster than her:
“I heard many things about Cangse Sanren’s genius, I’m curious to see if the rumors are true. Let her show us her new invention, Sect leader Jiang, it does not bother us.”
He speaks from all of them — whether they agree or not — as usual. While Jin Guangshan is obviously not pleased, and Lan Qiren is annoyed, the Nie Sect leader grins, only vaguely hiding his interest, probably because he does not like siding with Wen. Wei Changze is not sure he likes this development but Cangse Sanren does not let this alteration in their scenario surprises her, she continues :
“Yes! Thanks Sect leader Wen! See? Sect leader Jiang? They’re ok, so let me!”
“Fine. And how would that work?” Wonders Jiang Fengmian, his acting skills improve very fast. Wei Changze is not sure he would have managed to do as well. Mostly when he acts he over exaggerates his expressions or on the contrary, decides to do the dead-fish strategy.
Cangse Sanren hums proudly and starts the demonstration. She requires talisman paper and ink, then puts a single sheet on the table, before she sinks her spiritual tool in the ink and presses it on the paper.
“Now I need some test subjects. Jang Yanli, can you come here a second?”
Yanli is startled to be called out like that, but she obeys in the end. Jiang Cheng follows her too, only hesitating one bit. Cangse Sanren takes a tiny needle and presses it against the young mistress’ thumb.
“Now put it on the talisman paper.”
Yanli does as she is asked. Cangse Sanren then asks Jiang Fengmian to do the same, and put a bloody imprint on the other side of the paper. As he does so, she speaks to Yu Ziyuan (but also the audience):
“If they are related by blood, the spiritual tool will make the talisman paper glow blue. One day I will be able to pinpoint exactly the nature of the bond between them and give different colors for sister and brothers, parent and child, but for now...All I managed to do is make the paper turn blue for blood relatives and pink for lovers”
“Lovers?” Repeats Yu Ziyuan in disbelief; it is not what they talked about and an non-planned addition.
She scowls at her second sworn sister; why must she alway improvise and go beyond expectations? Why can’t she just do what she is told?!
Cangse Sanren laughs it off, as Wei Changze feels nauseous.
“Yeah, when I tested it yesterday I realized that cultivators lovers exchange Qi during, well” She eyes Wei Changze — though she is probably looking at Wei Ying who is still sitting on his lap, and whispers unsubtly; ”You-know-what!”
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes. The Lan Sect leader scoffs, indignant, and the Nie scoffs loudly while Sect leader Wen looks only vaguely interested. Jin Guangshan, however, turns white. He is finally starting to understand how screwed he is.
“Must we really endure this woman’s show of herself?” He tries to back-out. “Once surely had been enough!”
No one listens to him; as they are not drunk yet like last time.
The whole conversation’s topic might be an improvisation, but it has a purpose — to distract people from Wei Changze. Cangse Sanren gave him earlier this morning a twin device that goes with the fake spiritual tool; and fake compass. It’s safely hidden in his robe, all Wei Changze has to do is put his bad arm in the crook of it, looking as if he is resting it, to touch it. And then moves the needle of the compass. The screen of the compass is split into three colors, blue, pink, and blank, north, south and east. Wei Changze moves the needle south.
A few meters away from him, the talisman paper turns bright blue. Cangse Sanren laughs.
“Congratulations Fengmian, your daughter is related to you by blood! Sorry Yanli you’re not my daughter, but I love you all the same!”
Jiang Yanli giggles as she is hugged, until her mother pulls her away from it and glares at her sworn sister. Her whole face says “stick to your child and all your adoptives kids, do not steal mine!” Fengmian rolls his eyes at the two women.
“I’ve never doubted it.” He says, and while he does not take his wife’s hand, his gaze is so loving and trusting he might as well do so. Yu Ziyuan sniffs, but her cheeks turn red:
“Of course you she is! Jiang Cheng is too!”
Jiang Cheng, hearing his name, understands it his cue and he asks eagerly if he can try it too. Of course he can — they simply change the talisman paper, replacing the old by a new one. The result is the same and Jiang Cheng beams at it, showing it to his father with bright eyes like he made it. Jiang Fengmian is a bit thrown off by his enthusiasm but he pats his head still.
“That’s revolutionary!” Comments the Nie Sect Leader.
Wen Ruohan though, interrupts:
“Barely, it simply showed us what we already know. I thought you would use it to fight against rumors?”
Wei Changze thought this kind of comment would come from Jin Guangshan — who is, instead, tring to make himself scarce, right now. If no one had done it, madam Jin was supposed to intervene. So it doesn’t change much what they do.
“Of course!” Says Cangse Sanre, hitting her forehead like she forgot. “Sworn sister, would you mind proving to people we are not bedding each other?”
Cangse Sanren does the ritual with Jiang Fengmian this time; pressing her thumbs on the talisman paper while he does the same. The paper doesn’t change color. They do a second test, with Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren. Again no change. But when she does it with Wei Changze the paper turns pink.
Not blue.
It’s a stupid fear; since he is the one controlling the result. Yet he can’t help but let out a small sigh of relief still. He isn’t sure if he will ever be able to find his lost sibling — as he barely remembers their names, faces or even where they were sold off to — but he is sure as hell he does not want to be anything but Cangse Sanren’s husband. His dear not-wife winks at him and gives him a quick smooch to reassure him, and A-Ying who does not like to be forgotten in this mess, stands proud:
“I want to try too!”
Which is of course the next step. Wei Changze makes sure the tools tell that A-Ying is his son, and not Jiang Fengmian’s when they test it. But he can’t help but snort when Wei Ying asks to test if Cangse Sanren is his real mother.
“You doubt me!” She gasps.
“You lie a lot mommy.” the kid answers, bluntly, and if Yu Ziyuan was a quarter less of a lady, she would have snorted at that. But she is dignified ; so she just smirks.
Cangse Sanren gasps, over dramatically, and tries to explain to her son that you never doubt a kid’s mother.
“Why?” Wonders Wei Ying.
All adults present hide their grin, until they see Cangse Sanren opening her mouth, about to tell her son exactly why and they panic. Jiang Fengmian is faster than all, as he knows how shameless his friend can be:
“Does anyone else want to test it?” He asks the other children.
Of course The whole display of the invention brought the attention of every child in the audience and they all want to play. Soon there’s a line of young masters. Even Lan Huan and Lan Zhan are authorized to join after one pleading look to their uncle.
Nie Huaisang looks at his older brother with a frown when the talisman paper turns blue when he tries it with his brother.
“You’re no Papa.” He says to Nie Mingjue with a pout.
“Blue is not just for Papa and Mama, A-Sang,” the teen explains. “It’s for blood bonds!”
Nie Huaisang still looks at him suspiciously and walks to his father so he can test it with him. Nie Mingjue’s expression after that is the best and Lan Huan pats his back to smooth the betrayal. Yu Ziyuan has to calm down the kids and restrict them to one talisman paper (and so one try) each; or Wei Changze would be stuck playing with the compass needle for hours. Lan Huan and Lan Zhan look at their paper for a long time, before they turn to their uncle and ask him to test it with them.
Lan Qiren shows how much restraint he has by not tearing up when the paper turns blue. Of course he knows they are related, but it’s one thing to know, and another to witness the genuine smile on his nephews’ face when they have the proof. Lan Zhan even pulls Cangse Sanren’s sleeve to whisper one of his very few words in her ears.
“Of course you can keep it!” She tells him, and the boy avoids her hand when she tries to pat his head.
That’s enough emotion for Lan Zhan, apparently.
The whole show is coming to an end, Wei Changze can see all Sect Leaders are convinced that the tool works. Cangse Sanren is even called by the Nie Sect Leader who is already asking her if it could be sold and spread among people.
“I don’t think it could work on commoners, it analyzes one’s Qi and compares it to another’s to tell you if they are related or not; while every being has Qi, I’m not sure if they would have enough in their veins for the spiritual tool to power it up and give a result.”
“Nie Huaisang is 3, and yet the tool worked.” Comments the Nie Sect Leader.
“Yes, but he comes from a long lineage of cultivators, even if he doesn’t have a golden core yet or even started spiritual exercises he probably has more than common folks by default.” She says; sending a panicked look at Wei Changze.
Oops, maybe he should have let the boy’s paper blank. But the Nie Huaisang looked so eager and happy to play along he didn’t have the heart to refuse him.
While the rest of the Sect Leaders are focusing on the new invention, Madam Jin finally makes her move.
“Sect Leader Jiang, didn’t you have a disciple among you that was rumored to be one of your bastards? Isn’t it what you told me, husband?”
Jin Guangshan looks slightly ill, probably understanding that his lies are about to bite him back. As a liar, Wei Changze relates to his pain ; as one of the instigators of this public humiliation, he feels smug and watches it with delight.
“Did I say that? Really?” Jin Guangshan stammers, his eyes moving from Madam Jin to Jiang Fengmian, anxious. “Ah, surely this tool would be convenient to prove the prostitutes’ words wrong once and for all! Too bad I don’t see the boy any-”
That’s when Sisi conveniently brings back Meng Yao to the infirmary, helping him walk despite his sprained ankle. The woman had been terribly efficient, and supportive while Wei Changze prepared the revenge, and she continues to surprise him. If she hadn’t, he would have informed where Meng Yao had been eating his dinner. Thanks to the prostitute's intervention Meng Shi is still safe and unseen on another terrace. Though they should be officially former-prostitutes by now. As soon as Jiang Fengmian received Jin's payment as compensation he sent someone to the brothel so they could buy the two women’s freedom without any more delay. Whatever would be left will be given to them at the end of the conference.
Jin Guangshan visibly gulps, and then scratches his forearm. Wei Changze stares at the movement with determination as if he could force fate to give the sect leader the hives. Madam Jin carries on the plan and moves to Sisi with a scowl.
“You again.” She says as if she just recognized the servant who spilled food on her and her son and not the prostitute she rescued. Jin Zixuan definitly recognizes her, as he steps a little bit behind his mother, ready to avoid being dirtied again. Madam Jin barks
“Get yourself useful, bring the boy here, we’re going to test it on him.”
“What happened to the boy anyways? He was fine last time we saw him and now look at him, did you try to break every single one of his bones?” Comment Sect Leader Nie and Nie Mingjue fidgets near his father — curious if the adults will give a different answer to his father than the one they gave them.
“I do hope it is not an incident during your training regimens,” Adds Wen Ruohan, “Or I will take back my nephews from your care.”
He would not, Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian know this comment is probably just here to show the other sect leaders that he is still in charge and allows the Wen children to stay. Smart, trying to turn the situation to his advantage. It’s better to let him do so, decides Jiang Fengmian, it’s not like his reputation to be weak is anything new, he can deal with this one. So he answers:
“Of course not, the poor boy got into a sad accident as he came back to his home. You know red districts can be very dangerous at night, especially for a kid.”
“Full of stairs,” whispers, not discreet enough, Lan Yuan and Lan Qiren takes a deep sigh before his eyes turn dull and grey, as if he disconnected his spirit from his body.
That’s actually really impressive, Wei Changze wants to learn how to do that.
Meng Yao nods shyly under the instructions, and Sisi helps him to do the movement he cannot because of his casts while asking many questions to Cangse Sanren about the spiritual tool.
Sisi seems to be very curious, thinks Wei Changze. Even if Meng Yao does not share blood with her, he definitely got his sharp mind from the woman, who raised him as much as Meng Shi. Wei Changze got the opportunity to discuss with the Meng Shi a bit too, this morning, and she is definitely smart, though her curiosity tends to be more practical. She asked Wei Changze about his past, in order for her to know what she could expect her son’s future to be like. Wei Changze assured her that Meng Yao’s life would be easier as he is not a servant like he had been but already a disciple. He does not know if his words comforted the woman, she didn’t show any emotion as she listened to him. He hopes he did. For now all he can do is hope and focus on the present.
Wei Changze does not have to do anything when Jiang Fengmian puts a bit of his blood on the same talisman paper as Meng Yao, of course, and so the spiritual tool deems them unrelated to the surprise of the crowd.
Madam Yu immediately seizes this opportunity:
“Of course it ends like this. I don’t know where people got the idea my husband would be unfaithful to me. Such baseless rumors: nothing but gossip, I’m happy we got to clarify this.”
Then she looks at Jin Guangshan and his wife, with a glare:
“I wonder how many of us are victims of such rumors, don’t you think so too, Sect Leader Jin?”
Madam Jin smiles as her husband blanches:
“This spiritual tool would be very convenient for us, too indeed, Don’t you think it would help a whole lot to clear your name?”
“It sure would…” The man whispers.
The other Sect Leaders around the courtyard hide their smirk and amusement. On the contrary, they think, it would rather do the opposite. There’s nothing wrong with a man having concubines; it is just how things are. But Sect Leader Jin is sleeping left and right and they all know he is too afraid of his wife’s anger to bring any of his mistresses home. Let alone bastards.
“Why not try it here and now?” Madam Jin proposes with a shark-like smile. “Didn’t you tell me they joked about you being the father of this boy? Let’s get rid of that idea here and now.” She says.
“Is it really necessary?” Defends Jin Guangshan, his voice getting shaky. “We all know this was nothing but a joke over our meal!” He says to his colleagues.
“If it’s a joke, then there is no reason for you to worry.” Says Wen Ruohan calmly.
The Nie Sect Leader was about to talk too, but after Wen Ruohan’s intervention he shut up and grumbled, probably angry to be, once again, siding with his rival. Jin Guangshan turns to the only one left who could oppose this: Lan Qiren. Yet, the man couldn’t care less about this matter; if Jin Guangshan doesn’t want to end up in such a situation, maybe he should restrain his lust. It’s not like it’s that hard, in Lan Qiren’s honest opinion. Wei Changze might not like Madam Jin’s plan, but it would be a lie to say he doesn’t enjoy the utter fear he’s reading on Jin Guangshan’s face right now, as he is cornered between his wife and her sworn sister. The two women that scare him the most.
Serves you right, he thinks, bitterly. It is nowhere near what Meng Shi must have felt when she had to serve him after he pushed her son down the stairs though.
Before Jin Guangshan knows it, Meng Yao has put his bloody thumb on another talisman paper, and Madam Jin leaves it on her husband’s table, right under his nose.
“Father?” Wonders Jin Zixuan, a tiny bit of tension in his voice.
The boy looks around, to his mother, his father, and then Meng Yao, and Wei Changze wonders if he is starting to connect the dots. It would be convenient if the boy could guess the bond he shares with Meng Yao without anyone’s input. Madam Jin certainly could not reproach that to them. Jin Guangshan yields under the gaze of this many, the humiliation is complete. Wei Changze can see the moment he resigns himself to his fate (maybe he is betting on the fact that Meng Shi is a prostitute, that he might not be the father, maybe he believes his own lies, that’s, after all, always the risk when you’re a liar). Anyways, the moment Jin Guangshan puts his thumb on the paper, Wei Changze touches the compass hidden in his robe.
He could make a mistake and let the paper turn blue. He could go against Madam Jin’s wishes. It would put the Jiang Sect in trouble, and hurt Madam Yu, as her sworn sister would be furious, but it would also probably erase the sad expression on Meng Yao’s face. Wei Changze knows he could. But he won’t. He does not want to put the Jiang Sect into trouble, and if he doesn't like Madam Yu, it does not mean he wants her to be sad. And most of all, if he did, Meng Yao could be — would be — claimed by the Jin, he would be taken and raised by Jin Guangshan. What good would that bring? The man is not a good person to begin with, and he would never forget the humiliation he endured, never forget the boy to be coerced into recognizing him. He would probably get revenge on his bastard; separate him from his mother...
I don’t want Meng Yao to go either, Wei Changze admits to himself. He reminds him too much of the child he had been himself, and he wants to prove to himself such a kid can have a better life. Wei Changze is selfish. And maybe in the end it’s his selfishness who motivates him, but it doesn’t erase all the previous good reasons stated above.
Why should one action have only one justification? Wei Changze thinks again, feeling a little bit more at peace this time around. It isn’t a bad thing. On the contrary. It shows he gave the decision a lot of thought.
So Wei Changze let the paper stay blank, like they planned. Madam Jin’s smile grows larger, as Meng Yao’s expression gets somber. Jin Zixuan’s shoulders drop a few inches. Jin Guangshan lets out a visible sigh of relief, before he scoffs it off:
“Of course, it’s blank. What did I tell you? Never trust the word of a prostitute, especially one that can read. They always end up thinking they can rise through the ranks.”
Both Meng Yao and Sisi hide a furious glare behind their smiles. It’s quite a strange sight: their lips curve up but their eyes are sending daggers. If a stare could kill, Jin Guangshan would be dead twice already.
“We never doubted it,” Says Wen Ruohan.
“You shouldn’t get yourself worked up like that for a joke!” Adds the Nie Sect leader.
Lan Qiren drinks his tea, deeming this whole conversation beneath him. And Madam Jin does not let the opportunity go to waste.
“We should commission one of those, don’t you think husband?” She says, and how someone can make the word husband sound so much like an insult is beyond Wei Changze. “Don’t you think it would be the most useful to us, given your reputation?”
“My reputation means nothing as long as my wife trusts me,” he answers acidically. “It hurts me that you don’t.”
“Oh I Trust you, husband, but am I not only one humble person? I alone cannot change anyone’s opinion…”
There is so much venom in their exchange, it’s baffling. Jin Guangshan frowns and she cuts him, he should not be able to refuse it, but he is good at lying and turning the situation at his advantage, so she does not give him the occasion, clearly winning the game of spite with her next sentence:
“If this spiritual tool allows you to clear your name, and for the common people to see what I know you are, a faithful husband that would not dare humiliate his honored cultivator wife with bastards, we should stop at no expense! Your price will be mine Cangse Sanren, how much is it?”
Again Jin Guangshan looks slightly ill at the idea of giving money (again) to the Jiang Sect, but he cannot argue back; his wife is doing this to preserve his reputation, how could he protest about it?
Cangse Sanren opens her mouth, taken by surprise because she didn't think about a price yet — as she didn’t complete the challenge. Fortunately she does not have the opportunity to talk; suddenly, the bells rings all around Lotus Pier, interrupting them.
It’s time, Wei Changze smiles.
The pot seals got wet and erased, the creature it contained is now free. It’s time for the second step of their revenge plan.
Notes:
And here we go, the revenge start slowly but soon enough Jin Guangshan will not know what hit him.
I hope you enjoyed very petty Wei Changze xD I loved writing his pov in this one.Wei Changze : murder time.
Lan Juan : This is not what I had in mind when I told you to be more honest with your feelings...Also I want to start a new game with you all ^^ I surprised you with Sisi being Wei Changze's sister, but...he has several siblings. While I do not plan to find them all and give them an identity, there's at least one more character that will be revealed to be related to Sisi and Wei Changze. Will you be able to guess who? ;) There is absolutely no clue in the previous chapters so it's really you and your theories here UvU The only thing I will tell you is that Sisi is not the eldest of the Wei siblings.
The one who manage to guess the identity of the remaining lost sibling will have a prize! What about a small One-shot as a gift? (My only condition is that if you ask for a ship One-shot, it will feature a ship I actually ship xo I'm not good at writing what I don't ship...And no smut because I'm no good at that...) If you're not interested about a OS you get to chose what dream I will write after Home (in the list of the dreams I shared with you >>) How about that? You're in ? =) Good luck for those who are willing to play ^^
Chapter 70: Jin Guangshan’s No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day
Notes:
This awesome title is provided to you by : MaddKingsQueen !! Thank you very much !
I had lot of fun with the guessing game last chapter, I didn't expect people to guess but you found out quite fast I'm impressed. Besides you gave me plenty of idea for the remaining Wei Changze's sibling ;) I started making a family tree (that I will share with you if you ask for it or at the end of this part of the fanfic, it's too spoiler otherwise xo). That way you'll be able to see who is connected to who ^^ It has limit as I can't show adopted/teacher/Student.martial siblings bonds but...It's better than nothing ^^ I hope you'll like it !
Once again it has been corrected and approved by Fraudulent_Moose, who really helped me figure out what to do to Jin Guangdick, this revenge wouldn't be as enjoyable as it is now without his help ;)
Now let's head to the new chapter and the final revenge move on Jin Guangdick.
Previous chapter summary (Previously on...) --> The closure banquet started, and no one noticed the revenge slowly taking place. Everything was going smoothly ; Jin Guangshan drunk the drugged tree that would render him impotent for a while, he sat on the powdered cushion and breathed the incense burner that would give him hives in a few hours...and even had to eat the most spicy dish Wei Changze ever prepared. (And so did A-Ying but the boy apparently got an iron stomach thanks to his parents' disastrous cooking skills). Cangse Sanren also barged in, in the middle of the conversation, and presented her (fake) spiritual tool. The demonstration gained the interest of every sect leader present, and most certainly every kid. They cheated, of course, in order for Meng Yao to be identified as fatherless during the demonstration, like Madam Jin wanted. It hurt the boy, but Wei Changze is sure that seeing Jin Guangdick getting back his karma in the face will make him feel a bit better...Fortunately, the seals on the pot he hid away broke just after the thought that and the Lotus Pier alarm rang in the air...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“What is that sound?”
The Sect leaders around the courtyard gaze at the sky, one hand on their sword by reflex. Wen Ruohan frowns while Jin Guangshan looks mildly annoyed, and mildly relieved that his whole debacle is interrupted.
“Do not worry,” Jiang Fengmian tells them. “This is merely our protection alarm.”
“A protection alarm?” Inquires Lan Qiren.
“This is something we did when we travelled with Wei Changze!” Cangse Sanren lies. “You put a barrier around your camp with bells that ring if it’s under attack! That way you can sleep peacefully, and it requires less energy than a full protective barrier! As long as you set it up far enough to give you the time to wake up and prepare to fight, that is...”
“We thought it was a good protection to add to our Sect,” completes Jiang Fengmian.
Jiang Fengmian is finally more in his element, standing on the thin border between lie and truth.
“Are we under attack?” Nie Mingjue squirms near his father’s side. “Are we going to fight? I’m gonna get my saber!”
And before his father forbids it, he rushes to his bedroom. The Nie sect Leader lets out a sigh. He pats Nie Huaisang’s head when the boy clutches to his clothes and tells him he is counting on his papa to protect him.
“It seems overly cautious, is the Jiang Sect that scared of an attack?” Whispers Wen Ruohan.
“Ah certainly!” Grins Cangse Sanren. “You know my reputation, I’m kind of a troublemaker and I must confess I pissed off a lot of people in the past…”
Jin Guangshan smirks, as if to say “Only in the past?” but the argument works. They do not ask further.
“Well you’re lucky we have the best cultivators gathered around there, no matter what it is currently inside your barrier, nothing should go past us!” Brags The Nie Sect Leader.
The past eight months, Jiang Fengmian had thought many times about what he could do to protect Lotus Pier from the Wen’s attack from the vision. The barrier warning them is one of those solutions. It only reacts if someone — or something — with resentful energy enters their territory. It has rung a few times in the past since they installed it; and thanks to that they discovered that if someone got into Lotus Pier with murderous thoughts, the level of resentful energy in them was enough to turn on the barrier. (Which was not that great because thoughts are not actions, and they only stopped one person who truly had decided to take that step further thanks to the barrier, the three others just stared at them, confused and ashamed that yes, for a short moment they wanted to kill their mother-in-law, brother or their unfaithful fiancé, but — please understand they were very annoying at the moment, they didn’t mean it!) So Cangse Sanren had to fix it, but she swore she would find a way for their barrier to warn them of murderous thoughts — those with intent and not just mere passing ones — too, one day. It’s on the top of her list currently, along with the incense burner and the spiritual tool...
The alarm does not prevent the resentful beings from entering like their normal defensive barrier; or the one Cangse Sanren added to protect Wei Ying from his monster. (Which is a very specific one that is way too complex for normal cultivators like Jiang Fengmian to understand) And so, Jiang Fengmian, along with Wei Changze, trained the disciples of the sect to react to the sound of these bells. They established a process to follow, gave each a post and a role to fulfill should they ever heard it.
All the energy for the warning barrier is supposed to be redirected into the protective one, trapping whichever is attacking inside and preventing reinforcement. It doesn't work there and Cangse Sanren curses. Wei Changze is more relieved than worried about it though: he had Wei Ying wear the enchanted robe so he would not see Mr Shadow-man if the barrier fell, after all. Cangse Sanren is glad her son will not be traumatized by accident again, but still, it’s another failure in her list! She can almost hear her adoptive mother’s voice right now; This is what you get for rushing and skipping testing steps! And she wants to bark at her memory: Well if I acted like you, we would never have anything done before next century! At least my inventions are up and working, I can fix whatever is wonky later! And Wow, okay, maybe Jiang Fengmian had been right, she needed some sleep if she was starting to argue with the memory of Baoshan Sanren in the secrecy of her mind. But she is not going to tell him he had been right.
Jiang Fengmian does not need to know, anyways, as he stares at the disciples around. The last eight months, they changed many things inside Lotus Pier: of course Cangse Sanren’s workshop, but not only that; the treasury room had been moved — so it could be hidden underground and taken on the way if he ordered the evacuation, for example. They also built secret escape paths. They trained their disciples to press the younger, weaker members to evacuate through it, each time the alarm rang. That’s why he is very surprised when he sees first disciples — the one who can’t fight — take a completely wrong path. Their senior disciples screaming loudly, waving their hands to encourage them to come nearer:
“Here, over here, take the planned evacuation path!”
They kneel under the terrace, where some of them start crawling under, and again explains, overly clear, to the crowd of children:
“Don’t forget it will lead you in the middle of the forest, there are fake children’s hide-outs there, go there and wait for us to come and fetch you.”
The small cabin Cangse Sanren built after Wei Wuxian’s missing incident…!
Jiang Fengmian smiles, getting the idea behind this display; now if one of the main sects decide to attack Lotus Pier, they would think they know where their escape routes lead and would waste time trying to ambush them there. It’s sneaky. As expected from his right-hand man. But he also witnesses what his lady told him yesterday; Wei Changze definitely over-worked himself. You let him out of your sight for one second and he disobeys the doctors’ orders! It’s good to be able to trust him to do a good job, but it’s tiring to have to supervise him because he doesn’t take care of himself on his own volition. He will have to get angry about this, won’t he? Jiang Fengmian sighs. He hates getting angry but he is running out of other options and doesn’t have the stamina to search for another way like he usually does, not after handling a full conference.
If the evacuation is fake, there are still some good actions taken from his disciples. The elders ask Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, Wei Wuxian and his parents to stand in the evacuation line.
Unfortunately there are also some bad moves:
“I need to go get my dogs!” Jiang Cheng says, visibly shaken that they could leave his pets in danger. And before they know it, he runs away to do just that. One disciple follows promising to get him back.
Wei Wuxian lets out a scared whimper at the mention of dogs and gets closer to Lan Zhan. Other Sect leaders followed the initiative, and most of the heirs are gathered in the same place; surrounded by a line of protectors. Lan Juan also had been added to the group of defenseless by Lan Qiren.
“Well, we didn’t get a night-hunt competition,” Says Sect Leader Nie, as he takes out his own saber with a smirk. “I missed it, let us handle it, Sect Leader Jiang!”
At the very least they do not seem to mind being interrupted by the accident, that was the one thing Wei Changze feared about his plan. Now that’s out of the way, he instructs to the disciples:
“This evacuation line is overwhelmed, let someone else supervise it, and let’s go to the Pier and do evacuation by boats.”
Again, he had given them instructions about this; normally they agreed with Jiang Fengmian that if there would be evacuation by boat, they would turn each embarcation upside down, as if it had keeled over. The disciples who know how to swim and fight water ghouls would hide underneath and float away from harm like that. This is not what they make other sect leaders believe right now; boats are lined up. Each person goes on board one by one, adding a protective talisman around the ship’s hull. Meng Shi is already here with the Wen kids, as they were closer to the dock than anyone else. Her identity is hidden among the crowd, and the atmosphere of urgency around. Meng Yao and Sisi sit near her and she offers them both a hug as if they could be scared by the whole situation. Which is not the case, Wei Changze warned them beforehand that it would happen.
Jiang Fengmian lets Wei Changze supervise this evacuation with his lady — who gets with who and which ship, and Gods, Cangse Sanren do not throw kids on the boat! — as he, on the other hand, tries to make this event a learning experience.
“Keep your eyes open,” he tells his disciples. “Be aware of every single detail, we need to know what exactly we’re fighting. If you notice something, say it aloud so we can brainstorm about it, your thoughts are put to good use only if it’s shared.”
Hopefully, they will understand that it means no hand-signs language in front of the other sect leaders. Most of the elder disciples' grips on their swords tightens while they are used to night hunting on strangers’ grounds, it’s the first time they have to protect their home turf. It’s a good exercise.
Nie Mingjue comes back with his saber, and he is immediately sent flying to the nearest boat by his father. The movement almost makes Lan Juan fall from the deck, and Lan Huan saves her just in time.
“But Papa! I can fight! I’m almost an adult!” Nie Mingjue protests, returning to the dock immediately.
“Have you passed the ceremony of your saber spirit?” Nie Sect Leader barks back.
Nie Mingjue scowls but admits: “No…”
“Have you done your crowning yet?”
“No…” reluctantly answers Nie Mingjue.
“Have you ever killed anything before?”
Silence. Then Nie Mingjue smiles:
“Does second Mama’s plants count?”
Nie Huaisang gasps, and puts a hand on his mouth, hiding his laugh, while Nie Sect Leader turns on his heels faster than lightning.
“So it was you! Damn it Mingjue, what did you do to your mother’s plants to kill them so badly?”
“Nothing! I just watered it everyday and poof, it died!”
“We already have servants doing that Mingjue!”
“I didn’t know that!”
“Well, as soon as we’re back you’re gonna tell your mother you’re the one who killed her plan-”
He does not have the time to finish, as something suddenly barges into the courtyard where they had all been eating only mere incense sticks ago. The whole crowd grows silent as they stare at...
“Is that a pixiu statue?” Wonders Lan Qiren, his eyes narrowing, and for a moment he doubts having seen the whole thing moving. Maybe it has been there since the beginning.
Pixiu are, after all, bringers of good luck and wealth.
But no, the thing barks and turns around like a puppy and starts to sniff the whole place. It might have the body of a lion, the head of a dragon and wings, but it is definitely not acting like it. It looks at the golden lanterns around, those embossed with golden threads, and tries to eat it. He finds the Sect Leader Jin’s cushion and bites it fiercely, shaking its head so fast the whole thing tears up, vomiting a good amount of the feather on the ground.
“It’s cute!” Comments Jiang Yanli. Jiang Fengmian hopes she will not ask to adopt it.
The Nie Sect Leader drops his son on the ground, disappointed by the creature they are facing.
Jiang Fengmian is the only one who doesn’t relax, and asks his disciple:
“Okay students, brainstorming time, what do you see? Evaluate the threat.”
“Is it a Pixiu?”
“I think it’s a statue.”
“You're just repeating what Sect Leader Lan said, it’s cheating!”
“Possessed statue then?”
“Or maybe a statue that cultivated awareness?” Proposes one.
“Statues don’t cultivate awareness, they are brought to consciousness by too many followers and prayers, right, teacher?” Asks one disciples, turning to Jiang Fengmian.
Yu Ziyuan snaps at them:
“Focus more on what the thing can do than its origin!”
And the teen immediately turns back to face the monster, sweating a little bit, ashamed of his mistake. Most of the Sect Leaders already put back their swords in their sheaths, visibly not impressed. Sect Leader Nie still asks Nie Huaisang to evacuate on one boat. Cangse Sanren takes the boy in her arms but Wei Wuxian accidentally pulls the boy’s robe and his stock of candies falls into the deck with a loud noise.
The pixiu raises its head, alerted. They all freeze.
Well except Nie Huaisang who squirm to get back his candies.
“Leave it on the ground” whispers Jin Zixuan. “It’s dirty now!”
But the boy does not want to let go and Wei Wuxian gets on the deck to fix his mistake.
“How did you manage to get so many candies…” Murmurs Cangse Sanren, astonished by the sheere amount. Nie Huaisang points out granny Wen.
Fortunately for them, the pixiu doesn’t seem that interested in them, he bites down yet another golden lantern. Wei Changze smiles in the background.
“What does a pixiu do?” Jiang Fengmian asks them, judging they have enough clues to guess now. “Whether it is a haunted statue, or a statue brought to awareness, it should not change its behavior.”
“Pixiu...What's the story about Pixiu anyways? I don’t remember?”
“Something about it being punished by heaven and forced to eat gold, right?”
“Wasn’t there a story about its anus being sealed off?”
“Why do you always make anything we fight related to asses?” Complains one female disciple to the other.
“Hey, for once it’s not my fault! I’m pretty sure it’s the real story!”
The Jiang disciples bicker about myths in front of the Sect Leaders, and Jiang Fengmian lets them (only promising himself to scold them later). Wei Changze thinks this is taking too much time and moves slightly a lantern in order for its light to reflect on the Sect Leader Jin’s golden attire.
No one notices, the Nie Sect Leader even scoffs to Nie Mingjue:
“Okay, maybe you can take that one off, it doesn’t seem very dangero-”
But then the pixiu surges forward so fast that they can barely see him. And he lands directly on the Jin Sect Leader. He would have only dropped flat on his ass, if...Nie Huaisang hadn’t dropped his bag of candies only mere seconds earlier. Now Wei Wuxian is helping the boy getting the sweets on its pouch (to Jin Zixuan’s despair) and his tiny body is in the way of Jin Guangshan’s legs. He acts as a lever and they all watch the sect Leader stumble over the child’s body and topple over the deck; falling into the river with a loud splash and a scream. Wei Wuxian’s smirk is a little bit suspicious. Jin guangshan didn’t even have the time to draw his sword.
Well it’s not exactly how the Sect leader was supposed to end up in water, but it’s the result that matters. The plan still works.
“Oh no, the Jin Sect Leader has fallen.” Says Wei Changze in the most flat voice ever. “Quick someone help him.”
It adds to the drama that Nie Huaisang, seeing his precious candies rolling and ending in the water along with the adult, starts to wail loudly. The Nie Sect Leader has to deal with one son, ready to dive into the water to fight the thing with his saber, and another, clinging to his robe and sobbing for him to get into the water to retrieve his candies. He does not bode well with the situation.
Cangse Sanren, who is next to her husband and is definitely not using the fact she is currently flying on her sword to go and help the sect Leader, whispers, smirking:
“You’re the closest to him, not-husband, why don’t you do something?”
“I can’t, I’m weak and sick and coughing; atchoo.” He whispers back.
“You’re not allowed to dive!” Wen Qing reminds them, who has been talking way too much to Lan Yuan if she knows that.
Cangse Sanren grins, and looks at the Dickhead who is trying to get out of the water, but the tiny monster is angry and fast and churning at his golden robes, his weight adding to the one of his clothes, dragging him down.
“I still say, we should have constructed stairs and pushed him from the top.”
Wei Changze ignores the remark, as he already explained to her they didn’t have time for that plan. One day, in the future, maybe. if the man manages to not drown. It helps that most of the sect leaders judged the creature as inoffensive and beneath their stations, so they just look at their colleague being bullied by it with a condescending smirk.
Except one; Lan Juan panics at the sight of Jin Guangshan drowning and she screams :
“Oh no Sect Leader! Do not move, I’ve got a rope!”
And she seizes one on the deck and throws it at him before Lan Qiren or her husband can stop her from doing so. The thick rope made to attach the ships lands right on the head of the Sect Leader with a loud thud. It nearly knocks him out and kills him.
“What are you doing!?” Roars Lan Qiren.
It could have been a good idea, if Lan Juan had thought of tying it beforehand. Which she did not. Now, not only did the rope almost render the Sect Leader unconscious, but it’s tangling with his limbs at each frantic movement. Lan Qiren facepalms. Lan Yuan simply takes his wife’s arm to bring her in the background, away from the fight.
Madam Jin, however...It seems someone (And Wei Changze is pretty sure it’s Meng Shi) gave the woman a paddle in the midst of the confusion.
“Husband,” Madam Jin declares loudly. “Try to hold on that.”
And When Jin Guangshan does as she said, she hits him in the head with it with the most girly scream that ever passed her throat.
“STOP HELPING ME YOU’RE MAKING IT WORSE!” Jin Guangshan roars back.
“Sorry, husband, I thought the pixiu was climbing on your face!”
She drops the paddle in the most innocent way possible. No one would guess she definitely had fun while hitting him, cursing his name in her mind and thinking of all the time he humiliated her.
The sect leaders, however, are not even trying to hide their laughter behind their sleeves anymore. Well, except Lan Qiren, who is mentally reciting rules in his mind to show some restraint. Jiang Fengmian however, bends to the side and asks:
“Do you need our help, Sect Leader Jin? Or are you handling it?”
The thing about pride, is that it sometimes makes you make the most stupid decisions ever. The man is drenched, and currently dealing with a weak monster who is eating his robes away with firm determination, almost to the point he might drown. but he is also humiliated in front of all his colleagues, he cannot, will not, accept their help without appearing weak. So he stubbornly screams:
“I’m handling it!” While trying to unsheathe his sword under water.
“You should take your robes off,” Instructs Jin Zixuan, worried for his father.
But Wen Ruohan says:
“Young master Jin, your father has more experience, surely he knows what he has to do.”
He looks rather amused by the whole situation. This is something Wei Changze didn’t predict, given how the Wen Sect and the Jin Sect always shows an unified front. Yet Jiang Fengmian talked business during the conference, so maybe it altered their bond.
Anyways Wei Changze will not lose this opportunity and so he says what he had wanted to tell everyone since Cangse Sanren returned from the conference to days ago:
“Sect Leader Wen is right, young master Jin, everyone should keep their rightful place, you should remain here on the deck, safe, while your father fights the monster. In the river...It’s how things are supposed to be.”
Meng Yao’s eyes fill with gratitude as he looks up to Wei Changze.
“Yes exactly!” Jin Guangshan digs his own tomb, not understanding the double meaning at all.
“Stay away from this thing Zixuan!”
He had not realized yet that, because of the incident earlier, both his son and wife do not wear golden attire and thus, are safe from the gold-eating- beast. Jiang Fengmian nods at the instruction and turns to his disciples:
“Thanks to Sect Leader Jin, who is keeping the monster busy, we have time to analyze this beast further, let’s continue the brainstorming about its nature and what we should do about it.”
The ideas fuse, right and left, like in a classroom, Lan Qiren even joins the lecture reminding everyone the rules: “First, liberation. Second, suppression. Third, elimination.”
all in all while in the background Jin Guangshan is drowning. Fortunately this isn’t about him.
Meng Yao is staring at the whole scene with wide eyes. Sisi hides her amusement very well, her back straight as they pat the boy’s head. Meng Shi is more mild, concern sometimes passing through her features when the sect leader’s head dips into the water, but a smirk curving up her lips every time he yelps and gets bitten by the pixiu. Jn Zixuan also looks overly worried.
“Don’t worry, the creature is fairly inoffensive,” Wei Changze tells them. “Once it has eaten all the gold in sight, it will probably go take a nap and leave him alone.”
It’s not completely true; while the creature does not care about humans, it’s still very heavy and hard. The Sect Leader Jin probably has a few bruises, or broken bones already. It had given them a lot of trouble in the past, when they captured it years before, as teens, during one of their first ever night-hunts. One of their fellow disciples broke his sword on its skin, while their mentor — the one Jiang Fengmian found the remains of — ended up with a concussion. Wei Changze himself finished the fight with a broken arm, because he shielded Jiang Fengmian at one point. He still can't believe the previous sect leader kept this creature in the treasure room, he could understand the fear of destroying a sacred object or a sacred creature that is supposed to bring luck and wealth...but still. In a treasure room!
He is glad he stumbled upon it when they moved the treasury to its new hiding spot, months ago.
Wei Changze had thought, when he established his plan, that the whole ordeal would end up here. Surely, Jin Guangshan is a bad guy, but not an inept cultivator. It is a matter of time before he gets rids of the beast and they will have to take care of his wounds. The humiliation over.
What Wei Changze absolutely never imagined would happen is, first, Jiang Cheng’s arrival with his dogs. (And he knows because Wei Ying screams and sobs, suddenly jumping on the boat and in his mother’s arms).
The thing is, they let the Jiang boy decide what to teach his pet. Sometimes they gave him instructions, and helpers there and there, but that’s all. Apparently, Jiang Cheng had cleverly thought that his dogs needed to know how to rescue drowning people. Which is a very smart move that they will have to congratulate him for. But for now, as Wei Changze sees one of the dog dives into the river to do its duty, all the adults presents here can think of is:
Oh crap!
Oh crap, indeed, because Wufa the cat had also taken up some habits during the past few months. One of which is to snuggle into one of the dog’s flanks and let the bigger pet do all the walking for them both. It goes without saying that the cat absolutely did not train to rescue people drowning, and absolutely hated this surprise bath. He hates it so much, actually, that he gets on the top of the Jin Sect Leader with an offended hiss, his claws digging into the man’s flesh.
This is starting to actually get dangerous. And attracting water ghouls. Wei Changze immediately threw a talisman to hold the creature off the zone.
Jin Guangshan is overwhelmed from all sides, one creature dragging him down from under his robes, one dipping his head into the water — because that's better than Wufa — while three dogs are trying to bite him into submission so he could be brought to the shore.
Everyone stares at the whole display with sudden dread. Jiang Fengmian gives his right hand man a look of panic that says: I told you no murder! And Wei Changze is fighting hard to not shrug at the whole mess and let whatever might happen, happen. Maybe if he drowns they can just say “we all agree this is an accident” and everyone will follow. It does look like an accident. It is an accident.
Cangse Sanren is dealing with a crying Wei Wuxian, but she is this close to actually stepping in and rescuing the dick thanks to her flying sword. But Madam Yu is faster than her.
Yu Ziyuan’s reaction is just as good as her son’s. Seeing that the plan is getting out of hand and that they are about to get the man killed (which would not be such a bad outcome, if it would unfortunately bring them into quite a political mess). So she acts.
“This is how you deal with creatures who hide in water!” She tells her disciples, and deploys zidian.
Someone (Lan Juan) has the presence of mind to put a hand over Jin Zixuan’s eyes for the next few minutes. Jiang Cheng screams, “My dogs!” and Jiang Fengmian orders: “Someone get the dogs!” Then adds, a little bit shameful; “And Sect Leader Jin…”
The following minutes are a mess. Nie Mingjue has somehow ended up hanged up at a boat’s figurehead by his father (to forbid him from trying to dive in and fight) and is currently pouting while disciples manage to get the dogs and cat out of the water (and they’re fine but numbed and confused, barking and running everywhere, Jiang Cheng and Lan Huan are running after them trying to calm them down and also, maybe, take them away from Wei Ying). There're three children crying loudly: Jin Zixuan because he thinks his father is dying (and he is comforted by Yanli and Madam Jin), Nie Huaisang who is still not over the loss of his bag of candies, and Wei Wuxian who cannot handle the dogs’ presence. Cangse Sanren is trying to get their son’s sobs under control, and Lan Zhan is using his rattle drum to cheer him up, humming softly in front of a bewildered Lan Qiren. It does not work.
Wei Changze’s plan had known better outcomes in the past.
In the whole confusion, Wen Ruohan manages to seal the zapped-pixiu into a pot, once again. A stunned Jin Guangshan is wrapped in a blanket — because there’s not much left of his golden robe — and he just stares at people in confusion.
“Lighting does that to people.” Confesses Yu Ziyuan, not a single bit embarrassed by it.
She hit a lot of people with lightning, so she probably knows best. Part of Wei Changze forces himself to remember because there’s still a tiny bit of a chance for the woman will use Zidian on her son, in the nightmarish future. The other part is awfully glad “zapped” people can’t cause a scandal. It is awfully convenient.
Jiang Fengmian looks at the result, a little bit baffled, and tries to be positive. Jin Guangshan is obviously too shocked to be angry, Madam Jin looks absolutely delighted. (She even high fives her sworn sister while no one is looking, so he supposes they are friends again). Meng Shi and Meng Yao are hiding their laughter very well, what the other sect leaders and disciples do not manage to do. And no one is dead.
That’s a good thing, right?
Wen Ruohan seems particularly interested in the creature he captured inside a pouch while everyone had been busy.
“I like it, I will keep it.” He states, even.
Well, good for you, may the beast eat all your treasures, Wei Changze wishes him in the secrecy of his mind. That would be one less problem to deal with. Jiang Fengmian claps his hands, promises himself he is going to sleep for one full month straight once this is over, and offers the crowd a reassuring smile:
“Now that the situation has been dealt with, let's get back to the banquet, shall we?”
Madam Jin however stops the servants before they bring Jin Guangshan to the infirmary — It is after all, and she knows it — where Meng Shi, Meng Yao and Sisi have taken quarters. If it is out of consideration for them, or simply because she still wants her family to have minimal contact with the three is unclear. Though her husband does need to be taken care of, and that’s why she states:
“The Jin delegation will be going now.”
She says goodbye with a faked hurriness to every sect leader, her sworn sister, and pushes Zixuan to do the same. The boy, still a little bit worried for his father, complies with reluctance. When facing Jiang Yanli, though, he tells her:
“Will you accept that I write you letters?”
“Of course! I would be so very happy!”
Their mothers are delighted by this proposition and the smile Jiang Yanli gives him takes Jin Zixuan’s breath away. He thinks that, even if the letter to Jiang Yanli might be an excuse to still contact Meng Yao, that doesn’t mean he has to fake his words to the girl. Actually he has to write her properly; it would be very impolite and undignified of him to use her like this! That does not mean he has to marry her still! Yes that seems almost logical and not a big stupid excuse, in his head. Understanding he is going to go without eating Wei Changze whispers a word to Jiang Yanli, who beams as she proposes:
“Would you like some soup for you and your mother?”
Jin Zixuan gives a thought to the proposition, by reflex, then he remembers that he already ate some before and loved it, so he accepts the deal with a blush. He tries to say bye to Meng Yao but his mother forbids it, and he has to settle for just a wave of his hand and a similar answer from the boy.
Before everyone is back to their table, Madam Jin is preparing her departure with her whole delegation, family, and the fake spiritual tool. Both parts were held secretly. Cangse Sanren is surprised by the fact (She thought she would keep the fake one) but Madam Jin insistes to take it, arguing that she would send payment for whatever the price they ask, once they would reach Koi tower.
“It’s not the definitive version, I’m still testing it,” Cangse Sanren tries to argue, hoping her double discourse is not too obvious.
“Then once you have a final product that passes all your requirements, send it to me too, I will pay for it again.” Assures Madam Jin. She hugs Zixuan closes and tells:
“Clearing my husband’s name is priceless. Don’t you think so too, son?”
Zixuan nods, and gets to the boat where Jin Guangshan is lying down, already being treated by the Jin servants. Jiang Fengmian manages to find a compromise between the two though; the (fake) tool will be offered by the Jiang as compensation for this sad incident, hoping the Jin will not hold a grudge against them. The second, however, will be priced.
Cangse Sanren still doesn’t get why she needs two, but as soon as they are gone, Wei Changze takes the time to explain it to her, minding his words in case they are overheard.
“It makes sense; with this version of the tool, she assures Jin Zixuan’s place and she will have control over who they accept at Carp Tower.”
Jin Guangshan will never be able to impose concubines and bastards on her; as all she would have to do to refuse them is to mark them down as not related.
“But then why need the...other version, if she already has this one?”
Wei Changze supposes Madam Jin still wants to know if her husband would father bastards. Maybe it’s curiosity, maybe it’s anger talking, or more likely she has plans for whoever would dare claim this status. He tries not to think too much about it — he cannot worry for people he does not even know, and might, though he doubts it, not exist. He already has too much trouble and is okay most of the day, he doesn’t need that added weight on his shoulder. Deciding just that, and feeling contented with how his revenge went (despite the little incident) he says:
“Come on, let’s get the younger disciples back and…”
Wei Ying, while he has stopped sobbing, is still very much distressed. Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli are not enough. Slowly, all children are gathering in the same place, having their own childish version of a closure ceremony. Even Lan Qiren agrees that his nephews spent the whole dinner by his side, if this means they help the sniffing boy...
“It’s the righteous things to do; help the weak.” He had said. “I had no idea that your son was this scared by dogs.”
Though Wei Ying is not distressed about dogs anymore, Jiang Cheng apologized to him and they are away by now. Like lot of time with children’s big fright, it has only been the first step, the reason he started crying, and now had found another reason to be sad about:
“I didn’t even make you giggle!” He tells Lan Zhan through his hiccup. “And you’re going to leave!”
It’s actually a very easy way to fix, decides Cangse Sanren, not liking to see her son be so sad (she learned that tears were okay by now, and that it is better to let it out, but that doesn’t mean she likes it still). So she flies to her side — one would argue her place is among the babies anyway — and she soothes him:
“That is very good, actually, you know?”
“How?” A-Ying sniffs, confused. Lan Huan has captured the cat and gave it to him, and he hugs Wufa close for comfort. Other children stare at Cangse Sanren with the same innocence, not getting it. She smiles back:
“Well that means Lan Zhan will have to come back so you can make him giggle next time!”
The truth brings back happiness in the kid’s eyes, and she even gets a smile. Lan Zhan’s lips curve a little bit up and though he avoids Wei Ying’s touch — too overwhelmed by people's closeness around him right now — he does pull his robe’s sleeve.
“Does that mean we can come back?” Wonders Lan Huan. And Immediately Nie Huaisang bolts up and inquires:
“Me too? Me too?”
Who is Cangse Sanren to refuse them? Of course she tells them all they are welcome to Lotus Pier anytime.
“You’re all friends now, after all.”
All the children hum in agreement, and the future of the cultivation world looks a little bit brighter.
Notes:
I Hope you liked this chapter too. It is the end of Jin Guangdick's punishment. I hope I didn't go completely full bullshit with this I tried to be as politically okay as I could but I'm not sure I succeeded xO Oh well, it's a fanfic. And I said there were peanuts last chapter, so *shrugs*
Chapter 71: Goodbyes
Notes:
I'm so overwhelmed by the old reception of last chapter <3 Thank you very much, you're all wonderful <3
I'll be honest with you : I didn't know if this chapter was necessary to the plot, but I liked many scenes and some seemed important for the characters. So I asked Fraudulent_Moose if he thought so too...And he did thought...just like me!! Since we both didn't know and tried to give the final decision to one another...I decided to still publish this chapter in the main plot and not the missing-scene fic =P I hope you'll like it still!
Previous chapter summary (Previously on...) --> The revenge plot against Jin Guangshan went almost perfectly. Almost? There were a few bumps there and there, with dogs, cats, candies and some zidian incident, but the man still ended up in the river and humiliated. Everyone was happy with it (except maybe Jin Guangshan, but this isn't about him). Wen Ruohan even got the gold-eating creature that tackled Jin Guangshan, the Pixiu, as a souvenir. The Jin delegation had to go early, given the state of their sect leader, but Jin Zixuan got to say goodbyes to Jiang Yanli and promised her to write her (and Meng Yao) letters. Madam Jin went back with the fake tool and the promise to have the real one delivered once it's ready. The rest of the group went back to the Lotus pier to enjoy their closure banquet, adults and children alike. This conference might have put in shamble the adults' alliances, but the children all bonded together and became friends. Maybe, just maybe, the cultivation world's future is assured thanks to them.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The rest of the banquet and the conference day ends up without any more incident. A little miracle. Wei Changze, once he returns with the younger disciples, offers a new bag of candies to Nie Huaisang to comfort the boy. Nie Mingjue spends the evening with Lan Huan, Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing and Meng Yao. Jiang Cheng, Lan Zhan, Nie Huaisang, Wen Ning and Wei Ying are on the other side of their shared table, obviously better than when the adults left. Wei Changze, after congratulating Jiang Cheng for teaching his pet well, gives his own son a kiss on the top of his head and apologizes to him: the dogs might have not been part of his plan, but it still happened under his supervision. Though the whole problem is completely forgotten, A-Ying is too busy playing with his friends to even answer him.
“Remember to drink lots of water A-Ying,” he tells him. After all the boy cried a lot, and he ate his hellish spicy meal, if he doesn’t drink he will get a headache.
A-Ying hums, and Wei Changze is afraid the boy didn’t hear a single word of his sentence, though Sisi did hear it, and she turns to him with a confused frown.
“A-Ying?”
It appears to Wei Changze that she probably just hadn’t heard his son’s birth name until now.
“Wei Ying, courtesy name Wei Wuxian,” he explains, Sisi simply stares back, bewildered.
She gulps, and then asks, almost shy:
“Is there a reason for naming him “Ying”?
Wei Changze thinks it’s a weird question, and he in turns answers:
“Well, is there a reason for naming Meng Yao, Yao?”
“Yes, actually,” answers Meng Shi with a smirk. “It’s a sign that was in my brother’s courtesy name, and also, it means precious stone.”
It reminded her of the button Jin Guangshan left her with, as he said it was precious, but that she doesn’t say. In the end, she just loves the name because her son has become what she cherishes the most in her life, so it still fits. Her intervention is enough to shake Wei Changze off his sarcastic mood and he clears his voice, a little bit embarrassed by his display.
“Well, Cangse came up with a lot of names for our son, and believe it or not, Ying was the best one. It just rang right? And it was definitely the least ridiculous of the lot so I picked this one.”
Cangse Sanren protests in the background: “How is that ridiculous for a kid? It means infant!!” to which Wei Changze replies that it would work when A-Ying is still a baby, but he would one day be an adult. “He’s still gonna be my baby!” Counters Cangse Sanren with a pout, hugging her son in front of all his friends. Sisi doesn’t laugh or react at all, she simply goes away taking care of another business, Meng Shi trotting behind her. She appears to be in a sour mood too. Wei Changze got a kiss (delivered by his lovely wife) from Madam Jin, and Meng Shi, as a thanks for his role in the revenge on Jin Guangshan. But not from her. Maybe the revenge on Jin Guangshan wasn’t humiliating enough for her? Maybe that’s why she’s pouting?
Wei Changze shrugs this off and gets back to work, as there’s nothing much he can do now.
As usual, the whole banquet lasts a few hours, and delves late into the night. Discussions that are serious at first turn into jokes and borderline un-structured rambles once alcohol is served. Jiang Fengmian handles it perfectly, with only the minimal help of his wife here and there, leaving the supervision of the children to the Wei family.
The Lan is the second clan to leave prematurely. Lan Zhan and Lan Huan fought valiantly against their sleeping schedule, determined to enjoy the most of their last evening with their friends, but they lost the battle in the end. Lan Zhan just falls asleep while sitting, and Lan Huan does the same in the middle of a sentence with Meng Yao. Nie Mingjue barely catches him in time before his friend’s head hits the ground.
“It’s time we go,” says Lan Qiren taking this opportunity to cut the whole banquet short.
Jiang Fengmian looks at the Lan, and envies them so, so, so much. Yet he hides his longing fairly well. He wants the conference to be over too, but as a host he has to stay until the end. He lets his friends deal with it while he stays and entertains the last two remaining sect Leaders. With the Nie and the Wen being the last one standing, the whole banquet could either turn very short or very long. It depends on if they manage to piss themselves off or if they engage (unfortunately) in a rivalry mood—which would mean the one leaving first is the loser.
After the proper goodbyes, Lan Qiren takes both of his nephews in his arms and heads to the dock. Lan Zhan doesn’t move at all, Lan Huan jolts awake, finishing his previous sentence, before going back to sleep almost immediately. Cangse Sanren coos at them, and Lan Qiren takes a step back, putting as much distance between her and his nephews as politeness allows him. A-Ying follows, even though Lan Zhan can’t hear or say goodbye anymore. Meng Yao also wants to say goodbye, but he is too weak right now, and Wei Changze can’t carry him in his state. So he simply waves his hands with a sad smile. Nie Mingjue is not allowed to wander too far from his father, so he stays too with a scowl and they both find a friend to relate to.
“I will stay with them,” says Cangse Sanren, patting the children’s head. “I can see when I’m not wanted!” She grins. Lan Qiren doesn’t counter that; it would be lying if he does.
The rest escort the Lan delegation to the dock. Maybe Lan Qiren didn’t hear much about Lan Yuan’s pamphlet against stairs, but Jiang Cheng apparently did, he whispers to Lan Juan to be careful at Cloud Recesses and not fall into, as he pats her goodbye.
“Thank you, young master Jiang, I will be careful!” She tells him, cooing at his cuteness.
As Wei Changze feared Lan Yuan and Lan Juan’s departure is the hardest for Wen Qing. If Wen Ning seems okay, simply stammering a shy goodbye, half hidden behind Wei Wuxian, his older sister clings to Lan Yuan’s leg like it could stop him from leaving. Of course it doesn’t work, but it certainly surprises them all. They are lucky that it happens out of Wen Ruohan’s sight.
“Are...Are you crying Lan Yuan?” Asks Lan Qiren, baffled at his subordonate.
“No Sect Leader, I am not.” Lan Yuan sniffs very loudly, and it’s true his eyes are very dry. Dry and red.
Lan Juan pats her husband’s back and whispers to both him and Wen Qing:
“We will be back before you know it, after all, we have patients here to supervise.”
She sends a look at Lan Qiren who huffs in confirmation. Wei Changze winces. Lan Yuan’s lips tremble and he kneels to be at Wen Qing’s level, forcing the little girl to step away. His hands stay on the girl’s shoulders still, though. His grip is light and kind, so different from Wen Ruohan’s, from her uncle’s touch, Wen Qing thinks, a little bit heartbroken.
“I’m counting on you to take care of them all in my stead,” Lan Yuan manages to say and his voice is almost the same as usual. Almost. “You’re the only one I trust here.”
Wei Changze raises an eyebrow—well, that’s reassuring—he thought they were friends! But Lan Yuan clarifies the situation by pointing out Wei Changze:
“You’ll have to keep this one from working. He never listens. Don’t hesitate to knock him out with your needle. I give you permission if you think his health is at stake.”
“Before you knock him out,” Intervenes Lan Juan, “Maybe try the soft way, make him do the meditating exercises I showed you, retelling nice events, suggesting nice mental places, thinking positive thoughts, listening to music or drawing...Okay?”
“But if it doesn't work, the needles!” Insists Lan Yuan when Wen Qing nods.
So. He was talking about that kind of trust. Okay, fair enough, Wei Changze thinks. Still also awfully sly of him: putting such a tiny and cute spy among his family! And Lan are supposed to be righteous?
Not this one; Lan Yuan is not done yet.
“And supervise his wife too, she has to do her rehab exercises, no matter how much she protests, can I count on you for that?”
Wen Qing nods, and promises, her throat too tight for words. Lan Yuan pats her head one last time and says she is the best assistant he could hope for. He adds a couples of new instructions: what Wen Ning needs to eat to get better (though that one he tells both Wen QIng and Jiang Yanli) how to handle Wei Ying’s nightmares if they come back, Meng Yao’s treatment and Meng Shi’s medicaments...Lan Qiren has to drag him down to the boat because he just does not stop, the list going longer and longer, and Wen Qing keeps promising, again and again.
“Stay safe! You have to stay healthy to take care of patients too! If I return and you’ve made yourself sick I will be disappointed!” Lan Yuan screams as the boat is leaving. Wen Qing waves back, going as far as the dock allows her too, more laughing than crying now.
They do not know, but once Lotus Pier is nothing but a blurry point in the horizon, only then Lan Yuan stops looking back. Lan Juan sits next to her husband and puts her head on his shoulder to comfort him. A tiny smile on her lips.
“I knew you would be an awesome father” she whispers.
Lan Qiren sends them a worried look as he puts his nephews on a makeshift bed. Please don’t reproduce, he thinks very vividly. Fortunately for him Lan Yuan protests:
“I’m not. I’m her mentor, she is my assistant. I’m too young to be a father still. We’ve barely been married.”
“It’s been four years, dear.”
“That’s what I said. Too soon. And we’re too young too. I’m a baby in my head, I can't take care of another one.”
Lan Juan laughs and puts a kiss on her husband’s cheek despite Lan Qiren’s eyes rolling up.
“You’re definitely acting like a baby right now.” She confirms.
“See—we don’t need one.”
“One day,” she still says, lovingly.
And after a pause, Lan Yuan yields, sighs and leans into her too.
“One day.” He promises.
The moment is all sweet and romantic until Lan Juan suddenly turns green and warns:
“Here, you can start training for my future morning sickness... ”
And proceeds to vomit overboard. Lan Qiren sighs, knowing it would happen since Lan Juan has stepped in the boat.
“I hate sea sickness, ” she mumbles.
“Technically we’re not on the sea, so it's more river sickness, or boat sickness?” he comments, rubbing her back and holding her hair.
She sends him an annoyed look:
“You’re right, I take that back, you're a baby and not ready to be a father.”
“Glad we’re in agreement.”
***
Jiang Fengmian lets the banquet continue for two more hours, before he turns to Wei Changze and states, as firm as he could possibly be:
“Now go and rest.”
Wen Ruohan and the Nie Sect leader are currently doing a drinking contest in all but name. The Nie Sect leader is losing, currently staring at Sisi like she has grown two heads. At first they all thought it was because she was carrying a wimpy and tired Nie Huaisang, trying to lull him to sleep, but he just kept staring even when the woman handed the second master to a Nie servant. He is that drunk. So there is just nothing important that will be done tonight. It is fairly late; most of the children are being kindly put to bed by Meng Shi, JinZhu, Yinzhu and Sisi. There’s no reason for Wei Changze to remain here, as he is still recovering from his Qi deviation, the man can be excused.
“The banquet is not over,” his right hand man protests still.
Jiang Fengmian breathes in, deeply, through his nose. Gods help him find his patience, because it’s running thin.
“Changze,” he says, and his tone is more harsh than he wishes, but he finds he doesn’t care anymore.
Cangse Sanren’s head perks up in the background, A-Ning and A-Ying both snoring in her arms.
“Oh? Is that angry Fengmian?” She asks, her eyes shining with excitement.
“Angry Fengmian?” Repeats Wen Ruohan in disbelief, and yes, the glance Jiang Fengmian sends Cangse Sanren after that is angry, there is no mistaking.
“Angry Fengmian,” she says before she can help it, as she cannot resist teasing her second best-friend. “I’ve never seen him angry, I thought it was just a myth and that he was just not capable of it!”
The Nie Sect leader grumbles:
“I wish we Nie could never be angry.”
“Life would be less fun, if Nie cultivators started to be calm” Comments Wen Ruohan, then he adds to Jiang Fengmian with a sly smile: “I’m curious now, I wonder what it would take to make the so calm Sect leader Jiang truly angry. ”
It sounds like he just accepted some sort of challenge. Cangse Sanren bites her lips, aware she probably just made a political mistake.
“It’s not that I’m never angry,” explains Jiang Fengmian slowly, trying to fix this misstep. “It’s just that I do not like making decisions while I am.”
Wei Changze hums, and thinks that while his best friend is certainly right, he also has a predisposition to be first sad then only angry, which must help greatly. Anyways, Jiang Fengmian certainly does not forget his right hand-man and he stands up. A simple hand sign tells them to follow him, away from the remaining two sect leaders’ eyes. Yu Ziyuan follows after a moment, leaving the two honoured guests with servants.
Only when they are alone and out of earshot, Jiang Fengmian turns to the Wei couple:
“And no, I’m not angry, but I’m very disappointed.” He says, his voice calm, slow and sad. “You promised to take care of your health. Both of you. I expected you to keep your words.”
Wei Changze’s mood pummels to the ground and guilt twists his insides, Cangse Sanren staggers too. They feel a bit like children being reprimanded. Yu Ziyuan however, stares at her husband, bewildered.
Fengmian leaves them no time to recover as he continues:
“Now I can see that I should not trust you when it comes to taking care of yourselves, so I will have to be more clear. Since my advice as your friend has no effect, I order you to go to your quarter and rest now, and I expect you to listen and obey like you should. This is not your friend talking but your sect leader right now.”
Wei Changze gulps, Cangse Sanren whispers: “I still think this is angry Fengmian talking” and she decides she doesn’t like angry Fengmian. But Yu Ziyuan obviously loves him, because she is turning red from head to toe—and tries to pretend she is not by drinking her cup of alcohol.
“Yes Sect Leader, we understand.” Mutters Wei Changze, guiltily.
Almost immediately, Jiang Fengmian whispers, tired:
“I’m sorry I have to pull rank over you but you just don’t listen.”
Wei Changze would be lying if he said he isn’t annoyed, but he knows when the feeling is due to shame. So he is annoyed at him, not at his best friend; He knows he is in the wrong here. He won’t admit it because it stings a bit though.
“It’s okay, you’re right, it is late, and we are no use for you.” He says, even if it hurts to admit it: how useless he is in his state.
He considers saying the truth: that he had been stubborn about this because he knows his friend is tired—this outburst is the proof—and that he feels guilty for not having been by his side during the conference like he should have. But he doesn’t want to make Fengmian feel bad about it so he stays silent and obeys.
“Good luck with the end of the banquet,” he wishes his friend and puts his arm around his wife’s waist to lead her away.
Cangse Sanren pouts, her arms heavy with sleeping (and drooling) children. Yet as she passes near the Jiang, she tells them: “Fine, I will do it, but not because the Sect leader asks me—I’m not part of your sect—I’m doing it because you’re right and Changze needs rest! See you tomorrow then! And look on the bright side, angry-Fengmian, once this conference is over you won’t have to organize another one for at least 30 years!”
She doesn’t see it, as she heads to their quarter, but Jiang Fengmian pumps his fist into the air at the idea. He apologizes to his son in the secrecy of his mind, because next conference will be on him, he is done with it for good now. Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes at him, and smirks. As they head back to the courtyard to handle the guests, she locks his arms with hers, and states:
“You should listen to your own advice and rest too, tomorrow. I will handle the sect and the aftermath of the conference.”
Fengmian sends her such a grateful and loving gaze that she doesn’t regret this decision, no matter how much work it will require. It is completely worth it.
As they walk to the courtyard, she feels her heart gloating inside her chest, the pressure on it both heavy and sweet. The conference had been quite a wild ride, she realizes. It started too badly, with Changze’s Qi deviation, and somehow the revelation about Meng Yao’s parentage managed to make it even worse. Yet they handled this matter, and all ended well, despite all odds, despite what she thought. Madam Jin is still very much her friend, and the Jiang Sect definitely came out of the deal stronger and richer.
It’s unfair to say that it is due to only one person’s actions, they all worked on it, communicated and planned together to go through with this. But still, she knows who she is the most grateful for. Slowly she puts her head on her husband’s shoulders and whispers:
“I love you.”
Because that’s what she had needed to hear, back then, when she had been certain she would lose her oldest friend, and that’s what he gave her. It seems only fair to return the words, especially when it has never been truer.
“You love me when I'm a jerk abusing his power to force my friend to listen?” He asks sadly.
She grins.
“I do love seeing you when you’re all confident and firm like that. And If that’s what you have to do for them to take care of themselves, so be it. If it’s too hard for you to love yourself when you do that, leave that task to me.”
Jiang Fengmian almost smiles back and he caresses her arms.
“Thank you my lady.”
He still doesn’t like the idea of being angry, but yes, knowing he is not hated for his words helps. Yu Ziyuan can’t resist and gives her husband a small peck on the lips, right before they enter the courtyard. Then she stops and takes a step away from her husband, refusing to show weakness there, in front of the Wen. It is a battlefield in everything but name, after all. Jiang Fengmian understands, and returns to work, his heart a little bit lighter. Because he knows this is only an act, and that his lady’s love will return as soon as the conference is over.
One more reason to look forward to it.
The Nie Sect Leader leaves at dawn, both of his sons already asleep in the boat that will carry them home. Wen Ruohan doesn’t stay much longer, deciding however, to return by flying on his sword with the rest of the Wen delegation. He doesn’t ask to see Wen Ning and Wen Qing one last time; as he tries very hard to not care about them. What’s the use of getting attached to pawns he might have to sacrifice?
Then the whole Jiang Sect falls asleep, finally at peace after so many days of work. Everyone finally gets the rest they rightfully deserve.
On a boat, miles away from the sect now, two tiny Lan open their eyes, and realize they left without saying goodbye. Lan Zhan does not know what to do with the lump in his throat, and he touches the red ribbon tied to his head. At least it’s still here, uncle didn’t take it away like last time. Lan Huan, noticing the movement, makes a sign. His younger brother understands it and sneaks out of his bed to join him under the same blanket. They don’t hug, but they snuggle close, and Lan Huan hums their parents’ song, just like Lan Zhan did, only two days ago when he felt bad himself.
“I’m going to miss them,” he whispers, once he finishes.
Lan Zhan could stay silent and simply nod, but he doesn’t. Instead he shyly asks:
“We will come back?”
Lan Huan smiles:
“We will have to! After all, Wei Wuxian promised to make you giggle one day!”
Lan Zhan’s ears turns red, and he scowls, stubbornly stating:
“Won’t let him.”
“Why?” Wonders Lan Huan, really puzzled.
“It’s the game.”
Lan Zhan turns his back to Lan Huan and closes his eyes, ending the discussion. He loves his brother, but sometimes he really is strange. Has he mistaken this challenge for the game where you have to hold each other’s chin and not laugh? If so, then his brother is more competitive than he gave him credit for.
This is the longest conversation Lan Huan ever had with his little brother, so the boy can’t help but wish they will return to Lotus pier. It’s a bit unfair, but this time, Lan Huan is not siding with Lan Zhan like he should, he hopes that Wei Wuxian will, one day, win this game. The sound of Lan Zhan’s laugh would be wonderful to hear. And Lan Huan is sure mother and father will agree with him. He can’t wait to tell her all the friends they both made, and everything that has happened.
He closes his eyes and falls back to sleep, thinking about her. Maybe they left Lotus Pier without saying goodbye, but he is happy to return to Cloud Recesses still. It’s home, after all.
Notes:
I hope you liked this maybe-not-necessary chapter UvU
I did something during the week, I drew Wei Changze, Cangse Sanren, Lan Yuan and Lan Juan. If you want to see, here is the link (it's my twitter, it is also on my Tumblr) https://twitter.com/MelieBacanarie/status/1306275958232670209?s=20
Of course it's okay if you don't like them ; since there are so many adaptation I avoid giving description to allow readers to picture the characters as they prefer (Drama/CQL - Donghua - Manhua - book)Next chapter is one of my favorite, I liked it very much and I hope you'll like it too. We officially enter the time skip arc where I keep jumping forward in time. No worry though, this first time skip is just a few days ahead (baby steps...) See you all on Tuesday ^^
Chapter 72: Memories of Home
Notes:
Hi everyone ! I hope you're all doing great =D
Thank you so much for your comments last chapter, once again and also your reaction to my drawing. I'm a noob on twitter so if i don't answer you / do something weird, just assumes i didn't find out how yet xD Someone else did a fanart of this fic and i thought i edited the chapter (it illustrated) endnotes to put the link of the fanart but i don't find it back ToT I'm so sorry dear reader, if you're nice enough to send me the link again i will edit the chapter right away and put your awesome art on display too <3I hope you'll like this chapter, i think it's one of my favorite, i really liked how the conversation played out <3 It was edited by Fraudulent_Moose as always <3
Previous chapter summary (Previously ON-) --> The closure banquet and the conference finally ended. Children reluctantly parted way, returning to their homes. If everything did not go according to plan, the conference still ended rather positively for the Jiang. The Wen Kids were allowed to remain at Lotus Pier and they avoided a disaster with the Jin. Jiang Fengmian will finally be able to rest, and Yu Ziyuan promised to take care of the sect while he does. Cangse Sanren will be able to focus fully on her inventions, Meng Yao on his recovery and...Well Wei Changze was firmly asked to start following doctors' orders. Will they finally be able to get peace now ?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sisi hesitates before she enters Cangse Sanren’s workshop. She stinks and is still in her training clothes, right out after her session with the two women she already calls Demon J and Demon Y. But then again, she recalls, Cangse Sanren isn’t one who would care about appearances, so it should be alright, even if she is not presentable. It’s good to not have to be the perfect little doll anymore. She takes a deep breath and sneaks inside.
The place is a mess; Cangse Sanren obviously doesn’t see the point of the table, as everything is laying on the floor. Apparently it’s normal. Sisi tries to not step on anything that looks important and tries to reach the inventor. The woman is sprawled on the ground, a few meters away, as if she had lost consciousness.
“Madam Sanren?” she calls, worried.
Cangse Sanren grumbles to tell her she is alive and throws something away. A carved piece of wood. The thing bounces on a pillar with a loud sound but does not break. It’s the replica of the spiritual tool she used to lie about Meng Yao’s father.
Sometimes this woman is such a drama-queen...
Sisi picks it up from the ground. She hadn’t been able to put it out of her mind. Sisi doesn’t want to steal it—she wouldn’t dare, not after all she owes to the sect—she just wants to take a quick peek at it. See how it is progressing, maybe. It would be a lie, though, to say she didn’t dream to sneak inside the workshop, and use it secretly behind everyone’s back, to have an answer about her and Wei Changze’s possible blood connection. But she is no cultivator, she wouldn't know how to activate it on her own. And...
“I guess it still doesn’t work?” She asks her.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t answer and instead she drags something else closer. An incense burner that has the shape of a Lotus flower. She starts carving it, still grouching.
“Do not take it personally,” a voice says behind Sisi’s back. “She is always like that when things don't work the way she wants it too.”
It’s Wei Changze. Her may-be little brother. Sisi gulps as the man takes the tool from her hand and puts it on the nearest table. Her fingers spasm at the emptiness, the pain echoes in her chest. The man is kind and polite with her, he treats her like he does with everyone else within the sect. And that hurts more than she is willing to admit. Sisi wishes she could tell him “you’re my brother” but she isn’t sure. They already know Meng Shi conceived Meng Yao to get her freedom, she doesn’t want the Jiang to think Sisi is a sly opportunist, trying to use her may-be relation to Wei Changze to secure her place among them.
“You have to finish it, Cangse,” Wei Changze says, unaware of Sisi’s emotional state.
“I know but I'm blocking on it! And I have to work on the incense burner too! And the barrier! and the inn-watchtower whatever. Oh and also the recruiting cultivator book the kids thought of. Can I not switch projects when I’m stuck?”
“You know when you scatter among projects it takes you longer to finish every single one.”
“Conjectures! You don’t know how long it would take me normally to finish my project! Even I don’t know! I’m switching because I'm stuck! I could be stuck for months if I didn't work on other projects in the meantime!!”
“Or you could be unstuck in a matter of hours if you kept working on the same one.” He replies.
“Only the gods of time could tell; us mere mortals, we will never know, how sad! Now, shoo, shoo, let me work!”
Wei Changze shrugs, resigned.
“Don’t forget to come for lunch,” he says before he goes. “Or the Madam will be angry at you. If you’re not at the hall when Fengmian and the children are back, she will come here and drag you there herself, you know it.”
“Then you’ll have to come and save me, easy-peasy! That’s why I eloped with you and love you. You’ll protect me from every angry madam and make sure I get my food!” She answers with a smirk.
Wei Changze rolls his eyes and then exits the place without making any promises.
It’s been five days since the end of the conference; a lot of things have been happening.
They got news from the Jin sect, apparently Jin Guangshan is healing quietly, licking his wounded pride privately. He however ordered all the pixiu statues to be melted or thrown away. Because of his high cultivation all his broken bones have healed nicely, but he got a serious case of hives that is probably due to the stress after the conference, say the Jin doctors. Madam Jin writes everyday to her friend to share her “concern” over her husband's wealth but also assure the Jiang Sect they made it home well. Jiang Yanli already received her first letter from Jin Zixuan—and So did Meng Yao in secret. Wei Ying also received a letter; one that answered all his previous ones he sent so many months ago! It made him laugh a lot, because the Lan boy did as he was taught by Meng Shi; answering every question in the letter point by point.
In Yunmeng, Madam Yu is running the sect completely, while her husband sleeps late in the morning, recovering from the conference. Sisi got a glimpse the day after the conference, he was completely wrapped in a blanket like some cocoon. After three days he has started to help again, bit by bit, by taking the disciples to shoot kites or run laps. Today however, he invited all the kids on a long walk through the woods, promising to show them all his secret hideouts from when he was young. Wei Changze had wanted to help dealing with the aftermath of the conference in his stead but he had been firmly told to focus on healing and handling his new wards, both the Wen children and Meng Yao. Granny Wen stayed a bit longer, but then left to take care of her other relatives, trusting the Jiang Sect to look after her grandchildren. Meng Shi, and Sisi had been given a small guest room. The one that will be soon be added to the Wei Quarter so Wen Ning and Wen Qing can have their own bedroom. The reason behind this is simple: it is close to the infirmary where Meng Yao still sleeps half of the day. He will be moved to the disciples’ dormitory once all his wounds are healed, but it will still take some time, and so it has been decided to allow the former prostitutes to stay within the sect in the meantime. They are talking with the Madam about the work Meng Shi and Sisi will do here, the payment they will receive, and how long it will take for them to find a small house in lotus Cove to live in thanks to it. Apparently Jiang Fengmian wants them to run an inn in the city’s outskirts if they don’t manage to become cultivator-maids. They had been asked to think about it. They have a small amount of money now, that is left from buying their freedom, but Meng Shi decided to use it to pay the Jiang doctor for Meng Yao’s treatment, and thank the Bookseller who brought him to the sect that fateful night. She doesn’t want to ever owe debt to anyone anymore, she said. And Sisi relates a bit.
Meng Shi, since she is still too weak to start training with Demon J and Demon Y, has started to work by giving reading, writing and music lessons to the disciples (which are all enamored with her so far). She is definitely doing her part and making herself reliable, securing her place.
Sisi, however, is not sure she is working enough to remain debtless like Meng Shi. She has to train under the twin maid’s guidance half of the day, and the other half...She has been asked to be Cangse Sanren’s personal attendant. Madam Yu has been very clear: she is to make sure Cangse Sanren never, ever appears as disheveled and without make-up in front of a crowd, like she did at the conference, ever again.
“We have a reputation to uphold now, we’re almost rid of the other ones thanks to her tool, I will not stand having another bunch of rumors about us because of them!” The Madam said, and while Meng Shi is a bit wary of her, Sisi finds her quite likeable, so she tries her best to do as she is told.
It is hard work because the ex-rogue is always flying and doing something, ruining her appearance in the process, but it is also very easy. The inventor loves to be pampered and she showers Sisi with compliments each time she sees her reflection after a make up session. The ex-rogue is surprised each time; as if she doesn’t know how pretty she is despite her many jokes on the subject.
It is a strange woman, that her may-be little brother married. Or maybe they aren’t married. Sometimes they joke about being not-husband and not-wife. Sisi is mostly confused about the Wei.
The last few days, Meng Shi and Meng Yao kindly investigated for her about Wei Changze’s past, since they have more opportunities to ask without sounding rude. While Meng Yao doesn’t know the reason why, he has been the one to bring her the most useful information.
Sisi now knows that Wei Changze was sold off as a servant to the Jiang when he was just 8 years old. One year after she got sold, then. He then became friends with the Jiang Sect heir, and learned cultivation, first in secret, thanks to his help, and then officially. He became the man’s most trusted advisor but ran away at some point, and only came back to Lotus Pier recently to take the right-hand-man position. There’s a story about him Qi deviating—but she isn’t sure what it means, except that he is recovering from that and almost died. She already knew that, as Meng Yao had been distressed the week it happened but…She hadn’t cared back then.
He almost died. Sisi almost lost him without knowing. She heard about his condition, from the boy’s mouth, but for her, the man had been only A-Yao’s benefactor in her mind. Nothing else. She didn’t even know his name back then, she didn’t care. She didn’t feel anything at all, the day the man fell.
How many of her siblings might be dead, and she didn’t feel a thing, busy with her everyday life?
Sisi tries to not think about it, but it haunts her nightmares. She should have been feeling something, she tells herself. Wei Changze must not be her blood brother, otherwise she would have felt it. She tries to convince herself. But it hurts to think that he might not be her brother too. She doesn’t know what to do. Everything hurts at this point: Wei Changze being her brother but not remembering her? It hurts. Her little brother almost dying behind her back without her heart aching at least a little? It hurts. Wei Changze not being her brother? That hurts too. Having hope hurts in general. She should know better than to harbor this feeling.
Cangse Sanren’s groan brings Sisi back to earth. The woman is trying to stand up, with the help of her ribbon. Sisi rushes to her side but she refuses:
“I’m supposed to do it myself, if I don't A-Qing is going to get mad at me!”
She manages to do it, but she needs to take a break, out of breath. Her ribbon ties itself at one of the ceiling beams to help her remain on her legs.
“A-Qing is lucky I like her. It’s the worst movement, it hurts so fucking much…” She assures when she catches Sisi’s worried glance. “Come on, give me the damn tool.”
Sisi obeys her and stares at the inventor frowns at it, inspecting it under every angle as if the solution is hidden within it. Her heart beat so fast in her chest, as she asks:
“When will it be ready?”
Cangse Sanren shrugs.
“I don’t know. It has trouble differentiating lovers from related people. The tool compares the amount of Qi between two people, their nature, likeness and stuff. The problem is when two people fuck they share QI, their energies blends and the amount is super huge. As huge as two related persons. That’s why it activates and the tools confuse it. I could tell it to not use the tool after you bang with your partner, as the amount of Qi lowers down after some time but-”
She groans again.
“It just bugs me, I just can’t find the phrasi— And you don’t get a single thing I said, right?”
“Yeah,” Sisi admits.
“Sorry, I just tend to ramble about my inventions. Why are you so interested in it anyways? I thought you would want nothing to do with it after what we used it for.”
She winces at the memory of Meng Yao’s expression. Fortunately Yu Ziyuan told her the Jiang disciples are not slandering the boy. It seems even the most opposed to his admission are now accepting him. They feel sorry for the state the boy is currently in, she says, and maybe they have a little bit of a crush on their new lovely teacher, Meng Shi. The power of young love! Jiang Cheng, Yanli and Wei Ying might not have to act as shields when the boy returns to training.
Sisi sees the opportunity, and she is scared. So very scared, as she whispers:
“I...I might be interested in it. For myself...Would...Would it work with common people?”
“Hm, no; you need to know how to use spiritual energy to activate it. Once it’s activated they need to provide blood, but if the person didn’t cultivate at least a little bit I can’t promise the result. But it doesn’t matter for you, you’ll soon learn how to do that, right? That’s the point of your training with Yinzhu and Jinzhu, after all!” Cangse Sanren says, and then she grins: “What personal reasons? You’ve got family out there waiting for you? Lovers? Children? Brothers and sisters?”
Sisi is pretty sure her mask is good, she fooled many customers with it, yet, somehow Cangse Sanren gasps as if she saw through her. She wonders why.
“Oh gosh, really? You have? I’m sorry! That was very rude of me, I meant it as a joke and— Why didn’t you tell? We could help you find them! You’re not forced to remain here you know, if you have people to—”
“I don’t!” She tells, a bit too loud.
She hiccups, taken by surprise by the distress in her voice, and smoothes it a bit before resuming, in front of a shocked Madam.
“I mean. I do...I have siblings. But...I don’t know what happened to them. We were separated when I got sold off. I wish to find them but I don’t know where to start looking and…”
Cangse Sanren waves her hand.
“No problem, leave it to me, I will make you a spare version of the tool so you can find them!”
Sisi breathes in, relieved. Happy to not have to act behind the woman’s back. What a kind lady, her may-be little brother found! For a moment, the idea of helping Sisi gives Cangse Sanren a boost and she works harder than before on the carving. But she soon hits the same wall as she had met the past days, and her motivation drops again. Pouting, she leans a little bit more on her ribbon, shifting her weight on her spiritual weapon. Little A-Qing will be angry at her, but it hurts too much to stand completely. The most frustrating thing about it is that she could do this some months ago, but she didn’t train enough and now she is back to almost square one. She hates it but Lan Yuan had been right; she slacked off and now she pays the consequences.
The silence starts to get her too, and she eyes the lovely maid by her side.
“Can I ask how many siblings?” She asks, before she knows it, too curious. Since she is asking for personal information, she decides to give some of her own too, even if she has not that much to offer; “I think I was an only child, myself. I don’t remember any siblings before I got orphaned. But I always dreamed about having a big family! I grew up in the mountains with my master and they were so many disciples; I liked the feeling of being surrounded by people my age! I wanted to give my son many brothers and sisters too. Wei Changze said it was better first to see if we could handle one kid on the road and then...Well, it’s not an option anymore.”
“From my point of view, your son seems to have many siblings, even though they’re not blood related.”
“Ah, true! We’re collecting kids right now! Yu Ziyuan said if I bring one more kid to adopt she’s gonna zap me! What about you, did you have more siblings than my sweetheart?”
Sisi hesitates, her face is smooth and tries to conceal her emotions, but her right eye has a tiny spasm. Wei Changze does that too, when he is tired and doesn’t want to talk. She half expects her to remain silent, but then Sisi finally says:
“Seven. We were a family of seven. My parents uncluded.”
“Wow, that’s a lot!”
“Yes. My parents couldn’t feed them all. We had a baby brother the year before I left, but he didn’t make it. Mother couldn’t feed him and he was too weak, he didn’t survive weaning. I think that’s why they...decided to sell the rest of us. So that we wouldn’t all starve. I...I thought my older siblings had started working, like they said they would, and that was why they left home but...I realized they had been sold off when they did the same to me. ”
“Sorry but your parents are jerks!”
“Yes, maybe. It has been a long time. I don’t know. My first Madam used to say that in the brothel children never starve, they always have at least one full meal a day. So they made the right decision.”
“Harsh! And yeah that might be true, but you get indebted then, so you’re forced to work to pay all those meals, right?”
“Yes. Indeed.”
There’s a silence, and then Cangse Sanren jokes:
“Well my baby wins then, he has one more sibling than you!”
“How so?”
“There is A-Li, then A-Cheng, now he also has A-Qing and A-Ning. And Of course there’s Meng Yao!”
“A-Yao is not—”
“Try to tell that to a five year old!”
Sisi scoffs at the thought, and she admits that indeed, it might be impossible to make the boy change his mind already. She heard him call A-Yao, Yao-bro and his pee-brother at one point, whatever that means.
“What happened to your family?” She demands, after a while, thinking she might feel less exposed if she is not the only one sharing her secrets.
Cangse Sanren hums. She has very few memories of her parents, their faces are blurry in her mind, their names erased by time. She recalls a few sayings and some events, like gardening with her father or cooking with her mother. But it might be false, after all she is a disaster at cooking, yet the recollection is nothing but sweet, full of laughter and tenderness. Not something that would happen if they cooked a bad meal, surely! She also has the feeling that it was something they were not supposed to do and so had the taste of secrets. Another scene surges into her head, of the three of them fishing with makeshift fishing poles in a garden pond, hushing themselves to be silent but unable to stop blabbering nonsense. Her father’s smile as he says, mischievous: “shh! The fishes are asleep A-Se!” while her mother proposes; “Let’s sing them a lullaby then!” and a voice complaining “You’re scaring the fishes!” before some shadows arrive and shout, making the three of them jump on their feet and run away cackling. That’s all she has left of them. That, and the certitude she loved them dearly and they loved her just as much.
Since she can’t say much about them, she tells Sisi what people told her, back then:
“There was a landslide. The whole village got completely swallowed in one night. A caravan arrived the day after, and they tried to dig out survivors. I was the only one they picked out alive. They called me the miracle child!”
She brags and smiles, but it’s forced, even after all those years.
“Saving me was enough for them, they already performed a miracle, and didn’t care about what I would become after they rescued me. So they just...left me to the nearest village and went on with their lives. Surely, a miracle child would survive everything!”
She almost remembers feeling angry at her rescuers.
“You didn’t have any relatives to be brought to?” Asks Sisi.
She shrugs.
“Mommy and Daddy have always been just that for me, I couldn’t give anyone a full name; I’ve always been terrible at remembering those anyways. I’m not even sure of my name, I called myself A-Se back then. And there had been no other survivors from my village, so no one could tell my identity to the others.”
Cangse Sanren stops, and looks up.
“I remember that my Mommy had a brother, though, I nicknamed him Uncle Cannot!”
“Why?”
“I don’t know!” She laughs. “Children’s minds are weird sometimes! Maybe he told me something and couldn’t do it? Maybe mommy kept telling him he could not do this or that and I picked this up? I remember that when I heard for the first time of the Jiang Sect and their motto I thought “Well no way my uncle-cannot is from that sect!”
She laughs openly and continues:
“Anyways, I somehow got it into my head that I could find the way to his home on my own, because I once went there! So I just took off one day and never returned! Probably because I couldn’t find my way back...My orientation skills have always been quite shitty...”
Then she lived on the street for some time, she tells Sisi, since, of course, she didn’t find her way to her uncle’s home. How could she? All the images she had were of a manor, and which noble in their right mind lets a street urchin enter their home so she can check? Out of ways to find out, she started calling out people who were vaguely familiar and asked them if they were her uncle-cannot, until she heard about people tricking young girls and selling them to brothels. So she stopped. Then Baoshan Sanren found her as she was picking up beautiful red flowers in a wild field and she offered the immortal one because she thought she was beautiful and deserved it. Whatever Baoshan Sanren saw that day, she decided to bring this orphan to her mountain, and offer her a new family. The immortal gave her a real name; Cangse. In the mountain, disciples who didn’t want their old names—or didn’t remember—took the surname Xiao (a little endearing mark and the only one Baoshan Sanren was willing to call them) But Cangse refused to be called tiny, arguing that she was big and tall for a girl her age and that it was unfair . Baoshan Sanren told her if it bothered her, she could take another one, which wouldn’t mean tiny, like dawn or something, but Cangse shamelessly stated that she would take the surname Sanren, then, since the immortal picked her up and pretty much adopted her.
She would never forget Baoshan Sanren’s strange expression at the suggestion. She looked moved, happy, “It’s a title” she still argued, “not a name.” but Cangse hadn’t cared, since she saw the tiny bit of her smile on her adoptive mother, she pushed and pushed until the immortal finally gave up and told her “Do as you want.”
After that, Baoshan Sanren had been her mother, and the mountain her home, the disciples her family. Yet again, she left all of that willingly and decided to never return for a chance to get freedom.
She never regretted her choice, as it led her to Wei Changze and gave birth to A-Ying. True, her parents left her nothing, not even a name, but a selfless saying, but she tries to live up to that. She focuses on the happy parts, not the bad ones. She learned the limit of that mindset, recently, and the good that comes with admitting when you’re feeling bad, but it helps sometimes still. Sharing the story is a little easier when she does.
“I’m very sorry,” Sisi says.
“You’ve never tried to go back to your village?” Cangse Sanren changes subjects, because she does not like people pitying her.
She can find it fun when she is joking or being ridiculously shameless, but not when it’s real. She never knows how to react to that. Thank you? I’m sorry too? It was a long time ago, it’s very much over now. When she told Wei Changze this story, he simply said “I’m glad you survived” and she told him “me too, that way I got to meet you!” and he blushed for the first time . It had been so sweet.
Sisi nods at the question.
“I tried, before my first night with a customer, I ran away and returned to my village. My parents were still there, but none of my brothers and sisters were left. Father immediately sent me back to the brothel before I could even speak to mother, and when I asked him where the others were, he told me they sold them too. After that I've never seen the point in returning.”
It sounds a lot like Wei Changze’s story? Is the situation more common than Cangse Sanren thought? She didn’t expect the outer world to have so many dick parents, maybe if she had, she would not have wandered off her mountain seeking freedom...Or maybe not!
“If your parents are still there, we could probably go back and you know...kick the truth out of them! Like pow and bam! Just like we did to Jin Guangdick! It’ll probably feel great and it’s a good start for your search! Right? Surely they will remember where they send them off!”
Sisi chuckles.
“Maybe,” she admits.
“Good! Where is it? Show me! I may not look like it, but I’ve travelled a lot, I might know about it! Show me on the map…! There’s plenty on the desk, I'm working on something for the watch-inn and the barrier with it...”
“I thought you were bad at orientation? How can you be a rogue with bad orientation skills?”
“I am a wanderer; my speciality is wandering! And it’s okay, I have my husband. Wei Changze has a very good sense of orientation. And I can read a map quite well, the problem is identifying what the map says and what the real world looks like. It’s not the same at all! It’s confusing!”
“Well, sorry the world is not made of ink lines only!”
“Changze once wrote me a poem saying the same thing, about how maps could never capture the beauty of the world or something as cheesy. It was adorable, how did it start, hum—”
Sisi bites her lips and to avoid learning more about her maybe- brother and their likeness, she goes to the desk and takes out all the maps. The first she looks at is the right one; she puts it in front of the Madam. She doesn’t feel that anxious anymore, the subject derived enough so she does not have to reveal what she is not sure of yet, and still she can advance in her project of finding her family again. Cangse Sanren peeks at the paper and smirks:
“So, Jin territory?”
“Yes, at the very border.” Sisi points out a tiny dot that stands right at the intersection of the Nie and the Jiang’s frontier.
Cangse Sanren lets out a joyful exclamation.
“Oh we almost passed through this place!” She says with a grin. “We stopped around there—” She points out a river that surrounds the village. “Because Wei Changze fell into the ditch and right into a bunch of nettles and thorns. He got all whiny!”
She recalls that day, he had been fussing all day long, they had heard about a monster in the region and wanted to offer their services, and he was worried they might be attacked on the road. He just couldn’t stop glancing left and right, on his guard. A-Ying had just turned two, and he was running everywhere, everytime they took their eyes off him. Wei Changze had a great instinct, the hole A-Ying almost fell in was nearly invisible, but Changze still caught his son and sent him out of harm's way...Only to fall in his stead. Then he just complained all day, saying he hated this place, it didn’t feel right and he wanted to go somewhere else, the nighthunt be damned. A-Ying, with the confidence of a toddler, even called his father a baby and Cangse laughed until she cried.
“So I decided to take pity on my dear not-husband and in the end we didn’t go,” she explains to Sisi.
The former prostitute’s face turns pale, and Cangse Sanren finds it weird. Maybe she feels sick, after all Meng Shi is. Maybe she caught her friend’s disease. A strange emotion fills her heart, something feels wrong here. She just doesn’t know what. As a former rogue, she learned to trust her guts. Since she can’t do much else, she says she will ask Yu Ziyuan about the village.
“It's one the Jin’s territories, she could tell her sworn sister about it. Do you remember your parents’ names? Sisi isn’t a name, more like an alias, right? What’s your real name anyways? Sorry I didn't think to ask before, so many things happened, it just flew above my head…”
“...Sisi is fine,” Sisi says, avoiding the previous questions.
Cangse Sanren can identify an opening when she sees it, she presses on. Wei Changze once compared her to a dog, when she gets an aim in sight she bites and never lets go. She did like that comparaison, some dogs were cute—regardless of what her son thought about it.
“Why? Doesn’t “Sisi” bring back bad memories? You’re sure you would not like it better if we call you by your real name ?”
“It’s just it has been such a long time...I lost the reflex to answer it, and...it’s a bit of a ridiculous name.”
“Now, you’re just making me more curious!”
“You promise you won’t laugh?” Yields Sisi, cornered.
Cangse Sanren shows three fingers and swears. Sisi sighs, and tries to find a way out of this, she didn’t think she would end up this cornered just by showing a map. She should have known better but now it’s too late to regret.
“YingYing.”
Cangse Sanren raises an eyebrow.
“YingYing?” She repeats, unsure.
“YingYing.” Confirms Sisi, blushing.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t laugh, despite the odds. A dread feeling getting directly to her stomach. She remembers Wei Changze as he listened to the list of name she came up for their son, how he looked unimpressed by the whole list, until she proposed “Ying.” His lips curled slightly up and she had pointed it out, stating “See? See! You like this one!” even though he denied it. She teased him out, and told him “Ying has a nice ring to it! It’s perfect!” until he admitted that at least this one made sense: Ying was an infant after all. He smiled until Cangse Sanren proceeded to test it out, aloud, using several endearing nicknames for her baby, watching how the newborn reacted to each of them. She had tested Xiao Ying, but didn’t like it because it reminded her mountain-home, so she switched to A-Ying, but when she tested out YingYing...Wei Changze had suddenly said “No.” That scared A-Ying who had started whining and Cangse Sanren had sent her husband a puzzled look which he returned, equally surprised by his reaction. “It’s just a bad idea to give him this habit,” he finally explained; “Doubling the sound, I mean. And his birth name should have just one character, not two, he will be confused if we call him that.”
Yet, now that she thinks about it, Wei Changze didn’t react at all when Yanli started to call A-Ying, XianXian, he didn’t even bother when the boy picked up the nickname and used it.
Everything is starting to connect, it makes sense, but also it doesn’t. Everything is blurry and complicated and she feels like she is trying to see through a dense fog. Now that she thinks about it, Sisi’s story sounds oddly familiar. The family that is starving, selling off their children to avoid certain death… Not to a brothel, though. As servants. But they promised Changze to sell him to a brothel if he dared to return. The new info she learned only a few days ago taunts her. She looks at Sisi, tring to see a likeness with her husband, and she sees it now. The way their eyes squirms under pressure, the stubborn jaw they both show when they are facing something they don’t like...Maybe even the sharpness of their eyes.
Maybe she is being paranoïd. Cangse Sanren tries to reason herself. What are the odds, after all? But, on the other hand, what are the odds? There are so many coincidences, and she knows now that her husband forgot his childhood, but also didn’t. That his memories are just in boxes, hidden in the back of his mind, and sometimes resurfacing in strange ways, like they did with the Qi deviation. Lan Juan told her that. Wei Changze feared that, he told her in the middle of the night how scared he was that everything he did, every decision he ever made, would be the product of what he survived.
He would hate it, but it would explain so much. She needs to know. She needs to learn more. Cangse Sanren hears herself ask, her voice shaking:
“Just YingYing? No last name?”
Sisi bites her lips, and again, she hesitates, her eyes ticking. It’s unsettling. It’s familiar.
“You must...promise me not to freak out. It’s a common surname, and I’m...I’m not sure. I don’t want you to think—”
“It’s Wei, isn’t it?” Cangse Sanren asks.
Sisi closes her eyes and it’s like all the pressure, the worryness floods away with the air.
“Yes,” she admits, and it’s freeing to say it at least.
She shouldn’t. Hope is tricky, dangerous. She knows better. She has no proof, it could endanger everything they are trying to secure right now. Yet how could something that seems so wrong, feel so right? She doesn’t know.
Cangse Sanren’s next question is dangerous too, awfully accurate:
“Did...Is your mother an alcoholic?”
Sisi breathes in again, letting the memory of her mother sinks in. The way she used to look for a jar of alcohol everywhere when there was none. The way she accused her family of hiding it from her sometimes. The way she would always go where there was alcohol during festivals or village gatherings. How once, their father had been called out by a coworker because the river overflowed and the whole field was soaked. Father had turned to mother and asked her to keep an eye on the children while he went and dealt with it, and she promised she would. But then she started drinking and when they got back home Sisi realized some of them were missing, and she told her mother and mother tried to count, again, and again...but failed and said: “Whatever, they know the way home” before going back to sleep. But they didn’t. She cried and cried, and her older brother and her went back to get the rest of them. When they found their older sister—and Changze, who was just a toddler at the time—, she was crying too, because she realized she had been all alone when the village place emptied itself; “I thought you abandoned me, like in the stories!” She hiccuped. “I was so scared!” Father had been so very angry at mother, and when mother finally sobered up she actually felt very guilty about it, she never apologized but she kept bragging about how her children were so reliable and smart. Sisi never forgot this moment. The moment she realized she would have to be smart and know the way home or she would be forgotten somewhere. It was the first thing she taught Changze as he grew up, recognizing the landscape, being able to know where he was and where to go. They played hide and seek or other games like this until he could find his way back from the otherside of the village, and then even the neighborhood ones.
But if her father sent him to the Jiang Sect, of course their efforts had been in vain. It is several miles away. No kid could travel such a long distance. Father did the same to her because he knew.
“Yes,” Sisi says, letting go of the memory. And since there is no denying anymore, she adds:
“And...I remember having a younger brother too. Whose baby name was Changze.”
Cansge Sanren doesn’t have time to react, there’s a broken sound behind their back. Sisi knows before she turns around what she will find, as it is the worst possible outcome that could happen. She is just that unlucky. And of course she is right, standing at the entrance of the workshop there is Wei Changze and Wei Ying. The plates they were bringing scattered on the floor. A-Ying is too young to get exactly what it means, and naively stares at his father, then Sisi, then the wasted lunch on the ground. He has only one thing to ask:
“So, do I get a new auntie?”
Notes:
Do you believe in curse? Most of the time i do, but lately informatics around me keep bugging so i'm kinda considering i might be cursed at this point (my mother is definitely cursed with informatics, so maybe the curse is passed down from mother to daughter...) Or maybe it's because i'm tired (stupid cat who wakes me up two times each night) and i keep making mistakes but don't remember it, it's possible. Jokes asides, i hope you liked this chapter and don't mind the cliffhanger too much!! You'll have next chapter on friday as always ;)
When i started writing it i went "would that chapter have more impact if i hadn't given the revelation about Sisi before?" and i ended up in my bed acting like NHS "i don't know! i don't know i really don't know!" and anyways it's too late to think that way, the bunny is out the hat, let it hops around! (Besides the dramatic tension is there because readers knows but characters don't !)
As i said we are entering the time skip arc. Which means we will have a series of time skips. It will get bigger and bigger each time, but paused with a mini arc in between each. After all before this part ends i must still resolve...The Lan parent's subplot ! Et oui, you thought i forgot? You know those tiny things that i started at chapter 30 ? Well, 40 chapters later, now we're back at it...;) But only after i've resulted things with the Wei family and the incense burner U-U° And a tiny detour with Baoshan Sanren, XY and XXC (cause it's been a while and you need to know something about them).
If you think of a subplot i might have forgotten and or something you absolutely wants to see before the end of this part, say it now or remain silent forever !
Chapter 73: Siblings' reunion
Notes:
Hello everyone !! Thank you for the awesome reaction to last chapter <3 I loved how everyone cooed about Wei Ying's question at the end xD I hope you're all doing well, I do! I finally got a full night sleep yesterday, I feel so refreshed I hope I will be able to do all the things delayed...
This chapter is (I think) edited by Fraudulent_moose ! Hopefully I didn't get the not-corrected version in our files !
This chapter is a BIT angsty, I tried to add some fluff/cute things, and I wouldn't advice to skip it because while being angsty I do think it says a lot of important things that should be heard when you're dealing with such emotion. But that's my two cents opinion about it, if it makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, don't forget that it will be summed up next time like always UvU
Previous chapter summary (previously on...) --> A few days after the conference things were finally settling down, each one finding their equilibrium and their places. Sisi visited Cangse Sanren in her workshop, as she had been tasked with being her maid. The woman struggled with the spiritual tool she promised to Madam Jin, and the conversation between Sisi and Cangse Sanren derived over it. Little by little they shared their past to each other ; Cangse Sanren telling her about her past and dead family, and how she had come to meet Baoshan Sanren, and Sisi about her own long lost sibling she longed to find back. But if Cangse Sanren is a troublemaker, she is also a genius, and the familiar story rand a bell in her mind. She pushed Sisi to tell her more, until the woman finally admitted the truth : that she might be Wei Changze's sister. Unfortunately none of them had the time to think about what they would do with this information : as Wei Changze and Wei Ying overheard the last bit of the conversation...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The brain is weird, sometimes. There are thousands of emotions running through Wei Changze’s heart, as he stares at his may-be (but almost certainly) sister. Thousands of thoughts going through his mind, thousands of questions. Yet, all he manages to say, his whole body numb, is:
“You don’t look older than me.”
Sisi, at the very least, is as shaken as him and replies back:
“I look younger than I am, you have to when you’re working in a brothel.”
Fair enough , Wei Changze thinks. Then he thinks again and realizes his sister has been sold to a brothel exactly like their father threatened him to do to him, and he puts his hand on his mouth, feeling nauseous. Cangse Sanren reacts immediately:
“A-Ying, go get the doctor!”
Wei Ying springs to his feet and he is gone before Sisi can blink.
“I’m fine,” Wei Changze protests, “I...I just need to sit down a little.”
There’s no cushion, so he sits on the floor, next to the wasted lunch, this probably does not help everyone believe his words, he thinks as he puts his head in his hands.
“Since when?” He hears himself ask, under the echoing sound of his own heartbeat. Since when has she suspected they are siblings?
“I believe it’s a condition that starts at birth,” replies Sisi, and Cangse Sanren whispers something that sounds very close to “I like your sister!”
But he cannot process it.
“I…” He hesitates, his eyes narrowing at Sisi and he does try very hard to see her, for real, but the more he stares the more pressure he feels in his head. He tries very hard to analyze it, but he doesn’t know if the uneasiness that stings his heart is due to a buried memory he is repressing, or because he doesn’t and feels guilty for it. After a while he is forced to admit: “I don’t remember you.”
Sisi’s expression gets pained, and he blurts a quick: ”Sorry” like some kid caught red handed. But isn’t that what he is? He should remember her. She remembers him, after all. Why can’t her face ring a bell in his mind? Why did he erase her along with their parents, when she didn’t deserve it? Does she deserve it? He doesn’t know. Sisi tries to reach him; he avoids the contact by reflex. His heart beats faster, and this scene echoes in his mind, reminding him of what he felt as he just awoke after the Qi deviation. He feels small, vulnerable, sad and disgusting and he doesn’t want anyone to see, anyone to know and—
“I need a moment. Alone with my, uh—” He stops, unable to say the word.
He wishes he could, he really does, but the word is foreign in his mouth, it doesn’t roll on his tongue and it sounds fake in his mind. He looks at Sisi—Wait, didn’t she say her name is YingYing? That’s so weird. What will they call her? He can’t say A-Ying, it’s his son’s name. But on the other hand it was her name first, she is older. Shouldn’t she be the one to keep it? The atmosphere here is weird too, awkward because of him. She is the one who is suffering, she is the one he forgot, somehow. Wie Changze forgot his own sister and he is making her feel bad about it when the blame is solely on—
“I didn’t find the doctor but I have A-Qing!”
Wei Ying has returned, and along with A-Qing he apparently decided to bring everyone else. So much for the alone moment with his sister. Damn, that doesn’t even make sense. You can’t be alone with someone, can you? Though right now he is surrounded by people, friends, and Wei Changze feels both alone and cornered.
“You better not be Qi deviating again!” Warns Yu Ziyuan.
“What’s wrong?” Asks Jiang Fengmian immediately, a little bit pale.
So much for his friend’s demand to be left alone with minimal people’s interaction after the conference! Wei Changze’s guilt increases.
“I broke the dishes, I’m sorry,” blurts Wei Changze a second time, but it’s not really about the dishes. He is sorry because he is bringing trouble to the sect, to his friend, again. When they all promised to let him rest so he could recover from the conference. The broken plate is just the cherry on top of the cake.
Jiang Fengmian pales at the words, and when Sisi bows and apologizes too, he looks like he expects them both to explode right in front of him, here and now.
“I don’t care about broken dishes,” he assures.
A-Qing must feel the same way because she takes Wei Changze’s wrist and checks his pulse—which is kind of funny, she is the baby between the two of them. Wei Changze should stand up, he most certainly can and it would look less serious if he does. Yet when he tries to she pulls down her arms and frowns at him:
“Don’t move!” She tells him. “Think about good things like Lan Juan told you!”
“Is he okay?” Asks A-Li to her friend with a tiny voice.
“Uncle, you’re not allowed to go nap again!” States A-Cheng.
“What happened? Cangse, give us some context!” Orders Yu Ziyuan, scowling at the scene, as if she could scare the bad atmosphere away.
Cangse Sanren jolts and she mumbles:
“Well I was working on the spiritual tool, and then Sisi asked if she could use it to find her brothers and sisters, so I told her yes, of course, and she told me there were like seven of them! Or maybe less, minus the two parents. Oh and one baby that is dead. So five? I think? What is math?”
A-Ying’s eyes shine bright at the mention of having so many uncles and aunts. He counts on his hands; five minus his Daddy and Sisi, this leaves three!
“Anyways, I said yes,” continues Cangse Sanren, unaware of her son’s thoughts. “And we got map, and she used to live at the Jin’s territory, near the place that made Changze act like a baby, and her name is YingYing and—”
“And now she is my aunt too!” Wei Ying sums it up. Then he turns to Sisi with stars in his eyes and his smile grows even bigger: “Same name!!”
“Wait what?” The crowd repeats, lost between the two stories.
That’s when Meng Shi arrives, helping Meng Yao walk. The boy’s treatment had been going so well that he could get some fresh air a few hours a day already. The Jiang doctor even says that, given how fast he is healing, it is necessary that he starts moving every time he has a break between medications. Like now. But maybe not. A-Ying turns to him and beams at him:
“You’re my cousin now!”
“ Huh?” Is the most eloquent answer Meng Yao ever managed to blurt, and it is not because he is drugged this time.
Wei Changze stares at Meng Shi; confused and maybe panicking a little bit inside:
“What, is she my sister too?” He asks Sisi, so, so confused. Did he forget his second sister and didn’t recognize her too?
“What? No! Of course not!” Defends Sisi, offended.
“Oh, you told them?” Inquires Meng Shi with her soft smile. “ You’re sure, now?”
“What did you tell them?” Shouts Yu Ziyuan.
“Whose sister?”
“Why are you A-Xian’s cousin? He is my cousin, not yours!” Shouts back A-Cheng.
“I’m not your cousin, you’re my sworn-brother!”
“We’re both! Sworn brothers and sworn cousins and pee-brothers and everything!” Protests A-Cheng, stubborn.
“A-Ying, why are you thinking Meng Yao is your cousin?” Jiang Fengmian tries, since apparently the boy is the only one answering somewhat coherently.
“Because his mother is my aunt!” A-Ying answers with a frown. “So that makes him my cousin, right?”
Meng Shi raises an eyebrow, looks at Sisi and Wei Changze, then Meng Yao who is starting to connect the dots. Maybe the walk was a bad idea, after all.
“A-Ying,” she tells the boy, as she kneels near him, her voice as loud and clear as she can despite her sickness. “You know I’m A-Yao’s mother, right?”
“Yes!” The boy chirps. “Of course, I know you’re like him but as a girl! But Sisi is his second mother, like Mingjue and A-Sang’s second mama, right?”
Meng Shi can’t help it, she whispers a small “Oh my,” this is an adorable misunderstanding, and she does not help clarify it as she admits:
“Well you’re technically wrong about that, but also kind of right.”
Which makes Sisi’s lips twitch and even turns her face into a beautiful shade of red. It’s worth it, Meng Shi thinks. Though, there is something she does not like in this whole situation: people know her friend’s real name when she herself only learned it five days ago at the end of the closure banquet. It might be a little bit selfish of her, but she would have loved to keep it a secret between them longer.
A-Ying is getting frustrated by the whole situation—and at both Jiang Cheng and Meng Yao protesting about them being cousins—and so he puts his little hand’s on his hips and asks directly at Sisi:
“Are you my daddy’s sister, yes or no?”
The crowd turns and stares at Sisi after that, and the woman holds her chin higher by reflex. Yu Ziyuan’s eyes narrow suspiciously, like the former-prostitute feared she would, and Sisi silently challenges him to say it, saying that it might be a scam, an evil plan, she is ready to fight for her honor. But Yu Ziyuan says nothing. Wei Changze however growls, and it sounds very much like he is about to hurl. This is when Jiang Fengmian, who had been staring too (that definitely explains the familiar feeling he had when they first met!) remarks:
“Younger sister? You don’t look older than Wei Changze...”
“I’m his older sister...I just look younger.” Sisi repeats, again, surprised.
This is too much; this question sounds as stupid in his friend’s mouth as it was in Changze’ s, and the man can’t help but snort. The sound breaks the tensed atmosphere, like some dam, and soon enough he can hears Cangse Sanren’s giggles echo his. Soon, one adult after another, the laugh spreads. The children, confused, ask them what is so funny, but do not obtain any answer.
The moment is broken when Wei Changze starts crying and Wen Qing pushes a single needle in his neck. The man falls face first flat on the ground with a loud thud. He is vaguely aware of voices for a solid minute...
“Wen Qing!” Protests Cangse Sanren, shocked.
“He was acting weird!” The girl replies. “Lan Yuan told me I could!”
Then everything turns black. Hell breaks loose after that.
When Wei Changze opens his eyes again, hours later, everything is calm and peaceful yet again fortunately. Wufa is sleeping next to him, his tongue sticking out, and A-Ying is poking his pet, trying to wake him up. He stares at his father, as if he hadn’t expected this one to wake up. The scene is very familiar.
"Daddy! "He yells.
“Hey sleepy head,” Cangse Sanren smiles next to him. He hadn’t realized she is sitting next to his bed. “Is it going to be our thing? You fainting in my arms and me dutifully waiting for you to wake up like a good wife?” She jokes.
“I would rather not,” he confesses.
“I’m hurt, I do a very good job at watching you sleep! I think this is my calling.”
"I don’t like watching you sleep," comments A-Ying however.
Cangse Sanren bends next to him and adjusts his pillow, helping him out so he can sit.
“We scolded Wen Qing, I told her it is very rude to put people into comatose just because they are acting weird. But I also congratulated her because she found the right meridian to knock you out on the first try? I didn’t know what the best things to do, parenting is too hard!”
"You were acting very weird!" Remarks A-Ying.
"The Sect doctor checked your Qi; No Qi deviation but that was a close call. He says you are fine now.” She pauses and sends him a questioning look: “Are you, though?”
Fine is not really the word Wei Changze would choose. But he is not bad. Now that he is out of the situation, he actually feels a lot safer.
“Is Si-” He stops and hesitates. “YingYing is still there?”
Cangse Sanren’s lips turns up and she sends him a loving gaze before she shakes her head:
“She told us to call her Sisi, she is used to it.”
She grins a bit, and whispers :
“You called our son after your sister’s name, it must have been your favorite one! That’s so cute! Do you think I named something after my mommy and daddy too?”
He winces. Given that she names things after what they are, the donkey being donkey, and the ribbon being ribbon, somehow Wei Changze doubts it. Except if one of her parents was called Freedom. Like her sword. Wei Ying has his own opinion about the deal :
"I said we could share it for like three days because my name is also Wuxian so I can do without but she said no!”
“How generous of you.” Wei Changze comments, amused. It is definitely easier to think about the whole mess at a safe distance. So he bites his lips and mumbles: “You have to stop calling her auntie.”
A-Ying’s eyes triple sizes. Cangse Sanren’s hand squeezes his, and she simply asks:
“Why?”
"Yes, daddy, why? Sisi is so nice!”
Wei Changze blinks, the answer evident in his mind:
“Because it’s her choice, you can't impose this on her. I always tell you that you can ditch family if they are hurting you, but the other way around is true too..And I hurt her. She shouldn’t feel obliged to be part of our family if she doesn’t want to...”
“Changze...” Whispers Cangse Sanren, but A-Ying cuts his mother, offering the perfect solution for that:
"Then you should just say sorry!" He tells his father.
Yet Changze shakes his head.
"Sorry doesn’t mean anything if it’s not followed by actions. It’s just words. How would you feel, if I steal your candies, then say sorry, but the next time you have candies, I steal them again?”
"That would make you a liar and I would be angry! But then just do not do it again. Or Do something that shows you’re truly sorry, like...offering me more candies!" A-Ying frowns. "It’s simple!"
But it’s not. At least he doesn’t feel simple in Changze’s head right now. Cangse Sanren is also aware of it, as she explains:
"The problem is, A-Ying, that your father did nothing wrong," she insists on that point. "And neither did Sisi.”
"Then why should one say sorry? And you said you hurt her feelings, and that’s bad!”
"Yes, he did, but so did Sisi. Neither of them wanted to, but that’s what happened.”
A-Ying frowns, focusing on the problem for a long time—for a five year old child—before he comes up with a solution:
"Then you both say sorry and don’t it again and it’s okay. "
It would be awesome, Wei Changze thinks, to live in a world as simple as children perceive it. Cangse Sanren must think the same because she asks A-Ying to go and help A-Li to warm up the soup for his father. A-Ying’s eyes narrow, and he looks at his parents, aware they are chasing him away. However the soup call is too strong and he finally yields. Before he leaves though, he puts his hands on his hips, mimicking Yu Ziyuan perfectly and states:
"This conversation is not over!”
If Wei Changze were in a better place, he would laugh at the scene and wonder what they had done wrong, for his son to copy their Madam out of all the people. But he is not and as soon as the boy has left an overwhelming silence surrounds the couple.
It’s not how he pictured the reunion with his siblings: overhearing a conversation, then promptly making a show of himself, putting her in the middle of a mess before leaving her deal with it, fainting his way out.
If he is honest he never bothered imagining a reunion with them. He just didn’t know a thing about them, and so didn’t know where to even start looking, so resigned himself to just...never finding them. They would go on with their lives, ignoring one another, maybe side by side. The hope they were alive somewhere without him knowing, maybe even happy helped. He tried to ignore the fact that they might be dead and suffering too, lhe deals with it like Cangse Sanren does with the fact that people are starving in some remote village, or attacked by monsters and that he can’t save them all: by not thinking about it when he can. His family, and siblings, Wei Changze thought it would always be a scar in his heart. But now the wound is opened again and it bleeds. It bleeds and he doesn’t know how to stop the hemorrhage now, he doesn’t remember how it healed in the first place. Maybe it never did. Guilt is making his way back to his heart. He knows he should say it, before the pressure burns him, it’s what the Lan healers told him to do, but it takes an awfully long time to find the words:
“I forgot her, Cangse. I forgot my sister .”
It sounds even worse aloud. Yet all Cangse has to say about it is:
“And I forgot my parents’ faces, even their names! Boo-ouh what an unfilial daughter that makes me! You were a little kid, Changze. If we were to die, A-Ying would probably forget about us too, it’s sad but it’s true.”
“Yet, she didn’t forget me.” He protests, his heart heavy. She even recognized him despite the years they grew apart. He didn’t. He looked at her right in the eyes numerous times, and it never triggered anything in his memory. His favorite sister? Who knows! Not him!
“She was older than you, and awful things happened to you, of course you didn’t want to rememb-”
“How is what happened to me awful? We lived under the same roof, whatever I went through she did too, I was brought here while she got sold off to a brothel. ”
As much as he complains about being a servant, he knows he got lucky. Wei Changze is aware of that, he made friends with the heir, got access to education and became a cultivator. He is neither a low born nore a noble thanks to these strange circumstances, not ignorant of the flaws of both worlds. Jiang Fengmian is sometimes naive about common people, he always tries to understand and listen. That alone is worthy of respect. He is less patient and kind with the elite.
And what did Sisi, his sister, get? And why did he get so lucky while she did not? He needs to know because then, maybe he could guess if the others are okay, or not. Did he do something right ? Did she do something wrong ?
“This is not a contest!” Protests Cangse Sanren, frowning. “This is not a game where the one who suffered the most wins! What were you supposed to do exactly? Run away from the sect you were sold to and find her yourself? With absolutely no memory? Believe me I tried, it’s a terrible idea! I’m pretty sure that I ended up in the opposite direction from where I was supposed to go! Even if you somehow managed to do more than me and actually find your way back...You know now what they’d have done to you; they would have sent you to a brothel too. Now we know that this was not a stupid threat they told you to scare you away! Then what good would that do, exactly, to have both of you suffer?”
She shakes her head.
“And okay, what she went through is awful, but that doesn’t invalidate what you went through either, this is a stupid logic Changze! When I told you what happened to me and my family, did you establish some silly scale in your mind?”
Wei Changze isn’t sure. He definitely thought that their similar background helped them to understand one another better, but he isn't’ sure. He hopes not. Cangse Sanren’s scowl fades away as her not-husband stays silent. Slowly she takes back her hand into her and sighs.
“I’m not telling you to be alright and smile to me, if you need to cry, then cry, don’t keep this in...I’m just…”
She frowns, finding the words hard. She pushes down her not husband's loose hair behind his ears, as if those were the bad thoughts fogging his mind.
“I don’t want you to blame yourself for something you have no control over.”
Wei Changze really wishes he could find a way not to do that . But this is where she is wrong, Wei Changze has control over it. He deliberately chose to forget.
Cangse Sanren continues, unaware; “And I’m sure Sisi doesn’t want that either.”
“How could she not? Is she not angry at me?” He asks, feeling small like a child, unsure.
It doesn’t make sense in his mind that she could not be furious at the awful little brother she found. The one who didn’t remember her, who never looked for her…
“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Cangse Sanren smiles.
Wei Changze is terrified by the very idea; since he cannot imagine how Sisi could find it in herself to forgive him. He knows he wouldn’t. He is not. But Cangse Sanren’s kind expression is telling him another story, it radiates with confidence and makes him a silent promise: everything will be alright. The fact that she doesn’t say it aloud, like she does in critical times, is enough to convince him that this is not a lie. That she truly believes it.
"Last time I checked, Fengmian took her on a walk, so they could talk about...your condition and why you reacted the way you did. Why Wen Qing had to knock you out.”
He doesn’t know what to think of that. Wei Changze can’t help but be a little bit angry and betrayed. Jiang Fengmian knows the truth; he certainly did out of kindness...But a part of Wei Changze thinks he also did it to leave no way for his best friend to hide this away. If given the opportunity, Wei Changze might have not told Sisi about...Welle everything: the memory, the qi deviation... Wei Changze knows he should, but he doesn’t want to give his sister the impression he is looking for an excuse, lessening his wrong doing. He forgot her. Him having a reason does not make it less real. Sharing the truth does not magically give him back the memories he lacks. It just hurts everybody. It just exposes his secrets and now Wei Changze has the impression he will stand naked in front of his sister.
This is a disastrous reunion, definitely. But it is still a reunion. He tries to see it in a positive light, forces himself to brush the distrust out of his mind and believe that Fengmian told Sisi the truth to help. So that Wei Changze doesn't have to fight the lump in his throat and look for words to explain his condition.
If so, bless his best friend, Wei Changze doesn’t know what he did to deserve him. Or his wife, or his kids. Or anyone, for that matter. He realizes at the thought that he is spiralling down and tries to breathe like Lan Juan taught him, focusing on happy thoughts. He fails. He compromises then: maybe he doesn’t deserve them, but they are here now and willing to deal with his bullshit. It might not last forever though, if he does not act.
“I will go and see Si-” He gulps, closes his eyes, forces the words out: “My sister.”
Cangse Sanren offers him an encouraging smile and promises to keep the soup warm for him when he will return for dinner.
"I’m sorry you had to discover it like this." She adds, biting her lips, as he exits.
He doesn’t hear her regrets; she doesn’t want to burden him with it right now either. Especially when she doesn’t know how she would have brought the news to him if she had the choice. It’s useless to ponder on what if’s too. The situation is as it is, and they have to adapt.
Wei Changze is surprised to find Wen Qing playing with Wen Ning, Meng Yao and Jiang Cheng in the main room, obviously waiting for him to wake up. Wen Qing mumbles apologies for making him semi-comatose and Jiang Cheng makes him promise to stop being sick while A-Ning asks for a hug.
Meng Yao however, remains silent until the very end of the exchange, sitting in a corner. Only when Wei Changze turns to him he dares opens his mouth:
"Are you angry at Sisi?”
"Why would I be?" He wonders, truly puzzled. No matter what everyone says, he can’t help but think that the one who ought to be furious is Sisi, not him.
"She kept the truth from you..." Meng Yao explains, and he looks at his feet. "She knew but she didn’t tell, and you talked to her and—" He stammers and corrects: "p-planned the banquet with her and she did not tell you still.”
Something tells Wei Changze it is not only about Sisi and him.
"Yeah! I would be angry at her too!" States Jiang Cheng, his face red, unaware of the complex matter.
"Maybe she wanted him to make the first move," Wen Qing suggests.
"She told me she wanted to be sure first," explains Meng Yao.
Sure of being able to get by if she got kicked out of the sect, or sure of their bond, that Meng Yao doesn’t know. Maybe both. His words work on the two older kids. Wen Ning however, bends his head to the side, and pats Wei Changze’s knee, in some comforting gesture. It’s cute. It helps a bit. He rubs his head and looks at Meng Yao right in the eyes:
"I’m not angry at Sisi. I’m surprised and...I don’t know how to act that’s all, as I don’t remember how to behave around a sister, as I don’t remember having one.”
And he is sure Jin Zixuan will be the same; puzzled and confused but not angry at Meng Yao, if the truth is exposed one day. He is merely ignorant on sibling matters, but from what Wei Changze could see, the boy seemed lonely. His ward gives him a not-convinced glance, but the other kids definitely hears his point:
"I will teach you," says Jiang Cheng. "I’ve got my sister since forever, it’s easy!”
"It’s easy because Yanli is kind.” Comments Wen Qing.
"Me too," Adds A-Ning with a shy grin. "I have s-sister."
"Yeah, and she is not kind so he will teach you everything I don’t know about!" Grins Jiang Cheng and he dodges one needle from a blushing A-Qing.
"You’re not allowed to throw needles; auntie said!" He screams as he avoids another.
"Come back here and say that I'm not a good sister to my face!”
"I did that!"
"Say it again!"
"Sister is a g-good sister!" Protests A-Ning, staring at the two running in circles, confused. Cangse Sanren, alerted by the sound, arrives and witnesses the chaos. Wei Changze hesitates to stay and help, but gets shooed by his wife out of the room.
"Go see you sister! I’m an adult and a great cultivator; I can certainly handle a bunch of kids! Look, the tallest of them is like what? 130 centimeters? How bad can it be? "
When Wei Changze leaves however, he hears a loud thud and the sound of something breaking. Cangse Sanren might be an adult, but she is outnumbered in there. Meng Yao sighs and reluctantly goes to warn Yu Ziyuan about the fight, as she is probably the only one who will be able to get this under control.
Notes:
And, there's still one chapter about Sisi and Wei Changze's (better) reunion, then a short interlude. We will come back to the Wei family but after a bit of a time jump and I want you to see what the other characters are doing UvU I hope you'll like it.
As I said I finally got a goodnight sleep...but unfortunately no weird dream fanfic came out of it xD Sorry =x And I'm afraid I have nothing to say in these end notes (I will probably think about it later, once I hit the publish button and facepalm myself for having forgotten about that...but oh well, that's life!)
So,...I hope you're all doing well and I wish you a very nice day =)
Chapter 74: A bittersweet walk
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you're all doing well and great =D As for myself i'm dead tired, you know when on friday i was like "yeah week end i'm gonna rest and do everything i pushed for later until now!" well. I did not rest and i definitely started to do what i procrastinated on for so long and i really should have known better to not push so many duties aside XO (oops). So wish me good luck so i finish everything. Also wish luck to Fraudulent_Moose who has ton of assignements but still managed to edit this chapter UvU Such a good bêta-reader...
Anyways i hope you'll like this chapter that i should nickname "time to fucking communicate"
Previous chapter summary (Previously On...) --> After the revelation about Sisi and Wei Changze's bond, it was chao. While Wei Ying was overjoyed by the idea of having an uncle, his father however reacted weirdly. So weirdly in fact that Wen Qing thought he Qi deviated and knocked him out. He was fine though, and when he woke up later, he talked things through with his wife and kids. While it did not push aside all his fears and insecurities, it did convince him to at least talk to Sisi so they know where they stand. After a brief stop to comfort the kid about his well being (and Meng yao who was definitely seeing too many common point between Wei Changze and Sisi's situation and him and Jin Zixuan), he finally header toward the river side, where Jiang Fengmian took Sisi out to talk things through. Will this sibling reunion end well, this time?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It is not hard to find Sisi. Jiang Fengmian took her on a walk he is very familiar with; one that follows the river. It’s a path he took quite often, when he was troubled as a child. When his father refused to listen to him, when he fought with his mother, or when Wei Changze and him didn’t understand another. He chose this one as it fits the mood, but also because he knows Wei Changze will look for them when he wakes up. He will know where to go, then. The servant had walked this path and found Jiang Fengmian many times in the past.
Sisi is a nice woman, much like her brother, Jiang Fengmian decides, after talking to her for an hour. He has no doubt they are related now—unlike Yu Ziyuan who stated, before going back to take care of the disciples, that they should wait for Cangse Sanren’s spiritual tool to be completed and confirm it. Sisi looks like Wei Changze, their likeness is minimal, physically. She has a beauty mark, like Wei Changze, but not in the same place. Maybe they have the same sharp eyes too. They also walk the same, without making a sound, like they’re always on their tiptoes; they lift their chin the same way, they stare and remain silent, stubbornly faking their emotion with the same annoying determination. It’s amazing, that despite the many years they haven’t seen each other they still share the same behaviors and expressions. Jiang Fengmian is convinced by now, Sisi has been silent and listened dutifully to what he had to tell her and he almost mistook her for his best friend twice.
When she understood the extent of Wei Changze’s memory damage, she simply held her friend, Meng Shi’s, hand tighter, her face not showing anything.
“I would understand if my presence is unbearable to him,” she says after a long breath. ”And if you’d want me out.”
That is also a trait she and her brother have in common, apparently, and Jiang Fengmian would rather do without. This is not what Jiang Fengmian wants at all; her being gone...It’s the same dilemma they had with Meng Yao the first time. He knows that’s not what Wei Changze wishes for too. Jiang Fengmian simply hopes they can avoid another Qi deviation and having to call back Lan Yuan and Lan Juan so soon. If ever.
“If it becomes evident that your presence is taking a toll on Wei Changze’s health, we will find a compromise.” He states. “But we will not throw you out. You are my sworn brother’s sister, I'd help you no matter what.”
He doesn’t say what he has in mind; that they can still put her in charge of an inn if her and Wei Changze truly can’t be near each other—instead he asks her about her village, her parents. He had looked for them after all, in the Jiang archives, in vain, and is more than happy to be able to track them down now. He doesn’t know yet what he will do with the information; a part of him—the angry part that he shouldn’t listen to—wants to barge into their place, kick their door down and tell the jerks they are awful parents, and that they were wrong to throw their children away but also right because they are better, more valued and loved the best here. He will not do that.
Unfortunately Jiang Fengmian is forced to stop this conversation; as Wei Changze’s figure appears on the horizon. The man is up, and despite looking pale, he seems determined to meet them. He will leave his best friend and reunite with his sister; properly this time.
“Good luck with her,” he wishes him, as he walks past him. He hesitates, then adds: “I don’t want to force you to accept her, Wei Changze, whatever you choose to do, I will respect your decision. Whether you want her close or not, as your sister or as a stranger. But I will help her get back on her feets no matter what. Be assured that she will be alright, with or without your acceptance.”
He doesn’t want Wei Changze to feel pressured into accepting a sibling he is not ready to have; he is certain, more than the revelation, that would trigger a Qi deviation. Wei Changze visibly wobbles on his feet and offers Jiang Fengmian one of his rare honest smiles.
“Thank you. No one is pressuring me. I...I just feel like we need to have this conversation. To know and agree on what we feel and we will do. And to say sorry.”
Then it’s okay. Jiang Fengmian puts a hand on his best friend’s shoulder and pats it briefly before retreating. He wonders how Cangse Sanren is, he might check on her, after all, she is the one who caused this revelation, maybe she needs someone to talk to. If not, they can still talk about her inventions.
***
Wei Changze feels like running away, his courage melting like ice under the sun. His heart thundering in his chest, he feels sick, and nauseous and terrified. But he doesn’t move; he would like to say it’s because he is brave, but it’s probably because his knees are shaking.
Sisi is right in front of him, he cannot read her expression at all, she wears a facade of bravado that is hard to break through. Is it how he looks to others? No, no one ever told him he looked that way. He didn’t look that way in the incense-burner dream. Maybe she got it from one of their parents? He wishes he knew. He wishes it could remind him of something, of someone, but it does not. It still does not and that sickens him.
Meng Shi is the first one to talk, much like Jiang Fengmian before her, she rubs her hand to her best friend’s back and wishes her good luck.
“I will be near in case you need me,”she promises Sisi.
It happens quite fast, as she brushes past Wei Changze, the man hears: “She is very dear to me, please be honest, and don’t hurt her.”
Her tone is sweet and calm but it ends with a silent: “Or I will never forgive you” still. She probably didn’t say it because she couldn’t; she owes too much to the Jiang Sect to do that and their status difference is too big. But she still feels it. Wei Changze has never been the one you do not forgive, he has always been the one holding a grudge. It’s terrifying; because he knows how hard—nearly impossible—it is to gain back someone’s trust. He hopes it’s not too late to fix it.
“So hum, I got some explanation from everyone and the doctor, and... starts Sisi, avoiding his gaze. “You really don’t remember anything?”
The pain in her voice is hidden away, like the skin imperfections of a powdered face. But her fists clings to her robe, betraying her inner turmoil. She can’t help it. It hurts. It hurts so much and she can’t help but silently praying please remember, just a tiny bit. Just a detail. Anything that would prove her that the little brother she remembers fondly is still there, underneath the grown man. That they haven’t lost too much of themselves in this tragedy, that they can come back to what they once were. She still wishes she could build back her home, stitch her family back together, minus the gangrenous part that is her parents. But if she is being honest with herself, and she realized it while talking with the Jiang Sect Leader, she is being unfair. She cannot expect her brothers and sisters to have come out of this unscathed. She did not either, she changed to survive, surely, they must have too. She is just angry that Wei Changze erased them, erased her , like a dead weight. Like they deserve it, being the same as their parents. She is angry and sad. She doesn’t want to believe it.
Unfortunately, Wei Changze shakes his head negatively.
“I’m sorry.”
He pauses and clarifies:
“For the longest time, I only had knowledge of what happened, no image or feeling attached to it. Like...knowing the sea is salty but never having tasted it? I knew I was sold off by my parents; I knew I had siblings and that we were starving before we got separated. It’s only recently that I started to remember some parts I missed, but it’s still mostly very far away, like I’m watching this happen to someone else rather than me. I…”
He frowns because that’s not completely accurate, it feels like second hand embarrassment; he sees the kid of his past be miserable and furious and he becomes just as much on his behalf but with his adult’s mind, insecurities and fears. The child he had been is heartbroken because he is given up on, abandoned despite his efforts, and the adult is desperate because he finally gets why he always felt never good enough, why he is what he is today. And he fears that everything he became is due to what his family did to him, that there’s nothing left that is truly himself that comes from goodness; only trauma. Sometimes he just wishes he could be whole again and forget. But he can’t forget anymore. Not when he is facing what he had lost by doing so for so long.
”I’m sorry,” he repeats, again. He truly is.
He is sorry she is suffering because of him. He is sorry part of him still wants to forget her. He is sorry she got the life in the brothel when he learned cultivation here, safe. He is sorry he is not the little brother she wanted to find back.
Sisi’s lower lip trembles and for a moment she breathes in, a sob in her throat. But she doesn’t give in, she swallows it and comes out strong because that’s what she learned to do all these years. She has her brother back; that much is enough. It will have to be enough. She will make sure it is enough.
“Then, I will tell you everything I remember.” She stops and frowns, hesitates and adds: “If you want to.”
She stares back at him, uncertain and repeats: “Do you want to?” but what Wei Changze hears is can you handle it?
Wei Changze wants to try. He wants to remember those who deserve it, to fix this. But he is also very scared of what he could be with his family around, afraid of not liking what he’ll become. What he was.
Thinks positive, he reminds himself; maybe you’ll like it . He doubts it. But it’s still a possibility. What truly gives him the courage he still lacks, however, is the certainty that he has a place here. With the family he built, with Cangse Sanren, A-Ying (even if the name has a new meaning now), with his friends and students. Maybe, Sisi could join their family, not the other way around? Would it feel safer to him that way?
Yes , he decides. He is sorry for many things, but he is glad he got to meet her again.
“I want to.” He replies.
Sisi’s whole body relaxes and she offers him a smile. It’s a bittersweet one, but still. It’s there. He hesitates to offer her his arms, but then decides against it, he still feels disgusting and sweaty and he is not sure he can stand her touch. He doesn’t want to flinch and hurts her more than he already did too. Sisi seems to understand and follows him, finding a place by his side but at arm's length distance. For a long moment they just get accustomed to each other’s presence, the way they sound, how they look...Sisi tries to spot the child she cherished inside the man that is standing beside her, and Changze tries to remember anything from this stranger sister. They both fail.
At one point, though, she asks:
“Do you still draw?”
Wei Changze gives her a puzzled look, and she elaborates:
“You were a silent child, always trying to blend in and hide in the shadow, you never played loud games with us or the other kids in the village, like you were all fine by yourself. One day I saw you scribble in the dirt and I realized that you were drawing.”
She chuckles.
“It was very impressive, I told you you had talent and you’d become a great artist one day. After that you stopped and I thought I embarrassed you, then at my birthday you offered me a drawing; a portrait of me!”
“We had the money for paper and ink?”
“No! Absolutely not! You used the fallen pieces of rags we didn’t use as paper, and I think you mixed some ashes and probably mud to make the ink. It was adorable, all our siblings were jealous, they asked you to make them one too!”
“Did I?”Wei Changze doubts the portraits were well made and recognizable, since he had done it before he turned 8.
“Yes! You did, you even made one for mother and father. We made a garland out of it and hung it to the main beam of the house.”
Wei Changze’s lips curve up, it feels great to have one story about his childhood that isn’t heart wrenching. It changes, he thinks he likes it. He wants to know more, he wants to fill the hole in his memory with nothing but good stories. It would be great, knowing he suffered but remembering only the good times. He is not sure he is capable of that but he wants to try; after all it’s what the doctors ordered him to do.
“What else?”
Sisi smiles;
“Does this song ring a bell to you?”
She hums a few notes, her voice is not the prettiest but it sounds just, it is too rythmic to be a lullaby. Wei Changze has no idea what this means and it brings absolutely no memory back.
“What is it?” He asks.
“Mingyan used to sing that to us, without the lyrics though because it was very vulgar. Mingyao always said she learned it while picking up mother. She had such a nice voice.”
”Mingyan? Mingyao?” Wei Changze questions.
Sisi winces and hides away the hurt behind a smile;
“Our eldest sister, Mingyan and her twin, our eldest brother; Mingyao. Then there is Wanyue, our second sister, then me, you, and finally the toddler.”
Wei Changze repeats the names in the secrecy of his mind. Mingyan, Mingyao, Wanyue, YingYing and Changze. He didn’t react to Meng Yao’s name when he met him, does that mean he didn’t like his older brother? But again he didn’t realize he reacted to A-Ying’s name either, back then.
“And the toddler?”
”He didn’t live long enough to have a name. Well officially he must have had one, but I don’t remember it.”
She forces a laugh out of this and adds: “See, you’re not the only one who has forgotten things!”
Wei Changze appreciates Sisi’s effort to brush off his guilt and share the blame. They talk until the sun sets. Sisi tells him everything she remembers of their siblings, sharing stories after stories about them: like the plan Mingyan had for their father's farm: cultivating mulberries' leaves for silkworms. How Wanyue clung to her older sister and mimicked everything she did, repeating it like it was the Truth, how Mingyao would imagine big adventures for all of them to escape to, and how she taught Wei Changze how to always return home. It feels great to finally share it with someone, Sisi clung to these memories like she’d been drowning and they were floating pieces of wood. It helped her so many times during her years at the brothel.
And it seems to help Wei Changze too, as he relaxes gradually and even asks questions there and there, curious rather than awkward. Sometimes his questions are still a bit weird and off the mark like:
“Did I like music because of Mingyan and Wanyue?”
“No? I don’t think so, you’ve never shown great interest to them when they sang, you stood there and you did your own things in the meantime, happy to be with us, but I’m not sure you were paying attention…”
Otherwise he would have remembered the song, right? Despite her negative answer it makes Wei Changze almost smile. It is something he owns, then, his love for music.
Sometimes Sisi is the one who is awkward. She always waits after talking and watches his facial expression, ready to stop if her brother shows the tiniest weakness. She doesn’t want him to Qi deviate. Truth be told she cannot relate to Wei Changze’s memory loss, she cannot even start to understand it, but she tries anyway because she wants that happiness back. They lost so much time already she refuses to give in to anger and lose any more.
At one point though she runs out of stories to tell and turns to Wei Changze.
“Why is your hair so short?” She asks him.
Wei Changze unconsciously touches his hair; which is not short. It’s his haircut which makes it seem that way, like it barely reaches his shoulders. He ties it into a bun and braids it in a Jiang style. But Sisi touches something that is ironically close to one memory, and he smiles a bit.
“When I arrived at the Jiang sect, I was scared. But also very angry I think. At first I didn't want to cause trouble or make myself be noticed, but after…”—Well after he got beaten by the previous sect leader for something he didn’t do, but he won’t tell his sister that. He continues: “After a while I got cocky and cut my hair with the first pair of scissors I could find.”
Sisi’s eyes open wide.
“The head servant found me and scolded me, she said “your body is a gift from your parents, damaging it like this is unfilial!” and apparently I said to her face “Well my parent sold me so they were unfililal first””
Sisi can’t help but giggle at that. He does not say he got dragged to the previous sect leader and had been scolded thoroughly for it, Jiang Fengmian’s father telling the servant boy he was that if he couldn’t show loyalty to the one he owes his life, then how could he trust him to be loyal to the sect?
“They forced me to keep my hair long after that,” he explains. “But Fengmian asked his mother and she showed me how to make it appear like it’s short, that way I could look unfilial and still not technically be in the wrong.”
“How bold of him, one would never guess!”
Wei Changze smiles. Actually he thinks it fits his best friend perfectly: doing what he wants while still appearing like they are obeying the rules. It was a bit rough of course, now Jiang Fengmian would not be so provocative, probably finding a way to make people think Wei Changze had long hair when he did not, in fact, but they were children. It was a good plan for ten year old boys.
Sisi’s eyes shines as she requests:
“Would you tell me more? About your life, here? ”
Her little brother stumbles, unsure, but finally gives in and tells her what he does remember. His childhood at the Jiang, supported by his best friend and proving his worth to the previous sect leader...How Jiang Fengmian always had his back, and how he tried to always have a plan to help his best friend do what he wanted. Their cultivation training, his days at Cloud Recesses...How he fell in love with Cangse Sanren, eloped and became a rogue…
Sisi tries not to drink vinegar. She is glad her little brother has been happier than her—how could she not?—she likes Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren even more through her brother’s tales. (though she will talk to the rogue cultivator about not-marrying her little brother!) It’s evident he loves them to no end. But, she can’t help but wonder why me? Why was I sold to the brothel and not given a chance like him? There’s only one person in the world who could answer that and she is not sure it is worth seeing him again. She is also too afraid of the man’s answer and what her reaction to his explanation would be.
“And you,” Wei Changze asks, after he runs out of stories. “Would you mind telling me about your life too?”
Sisi frowns at this; she is not sure she wants to share that. She is not ashamed about what she did to survive, because she had no other choice, but she is not sure her little brother would feel the same way. Still, not saying anything is also leaving that to interpretation, and from what she understood he is not a very optimistic man. Maybe it’s best to give a little, so his imagination doesn’t make her up a hell of a life. It has not been paradise, but there are nice things she could focus on too. She is not forced to tell him about the bad days, after all…
“My first Madam was nice,” she confesses. “She has always been gentle with me. Drying up my tears when I was little and scared, and she never beat me, not even when I was brought back after running away. She said it was because a scarred prostitute is less valuable but I think she is very much like your Madam Yu. She was not a bad woman, and once taught me a very important lesson: our work is just like any other, it’s just that our product is our body, that’s why we must take care of it and be proud of it; and never let a client get away with a free peek, just like you don’t let children get a taste of the candies you’re selling! Every touch has to be paid for! She used to be a prostitute too, and she is the one who told me I could become a Madam and find my siblings by becoming one, if they were sold to another brothel.”
Wei Changze’s expression does not falter, but he walks a little bit slower, silent, and that’s how she knows she shocked him. He doesn’t look sick or nauseous, but she wants to be sure, as she doesn’t know the sign of Qi deviation:
“You’re okay? I can stop if you’re-”
“Whether I’m okay or not is irrelevant, if you want to tell me something to get better then-”
But Sisi scowls, she is not buying that, Sect Leader Jiang warned her briefly about Wei Changze’s tendencies to be stubborn to the point of neglecting his health. She will not allow this under her supervision, not when she just got him back; not when his health is detrimental to her staying by his side.
“Your well-being is relevant to me! Don’t you dare say otherwise; I’m not finding you back now only to lose you right away because of some cultivator’s disease!”
Wei Changze stops, and it feels—she is not sure—that he is pouting. Good. She hmphs and crosses her arms on her chest, not conceding this point. After an intense stare-battle, he is the one who yields and sighs.
“Fine, I’m sorry. I’m fine, I can handle it. It’s just…”
He looks for the words in the corner of the sky.
“Why did you leave this Madam, if she was good to you? I’m under the impression the actual one was not-”
“She was a bitch,” confirms Sisi. “But I heard rumors of a male prostitute whose name was the same as our oldest brother. And it was said he had a sister. I needed to check if it was them and for that I needed to go to another brothel. My last Madam understood and helped.”
“Was it them?”
Sisi shakes her head negatively. Sometimes whispers get so deformed, passing from mouth to mouth, it gets very far away from the truth...It had been Meng Shi’s brother. He had been dead when she arrived at the brothel. She bonded with the little sister he left behind, all too aware that one day it might be her fate too. After that she stayed, partly for Meng Shi, but also because the new Madam was way less understanding and not willing to trade prostitutes with other brothels.
She doesn’t want to think about that, so she changes subjects and instead tells her little stories that made her days back then. Like the time they had a fussy baby A-Yao to deal with and no idea where to make him sleep; in the end they hid him under a wooden slate that the former owner of the room used to put her jewelry in. That’s where A-Yao slept until he grew too big to remain. Wei Changze finally lets go of his frown and his lips slightly curve up when she fills him about her life with Meng Shi and Meng Yao. Of course it had been difficult, but being by her friend’s side as she raised her son mended her heart too, gave her the illusion she still had a family.
***
When they return from their sibling reunion they are immediately surrounded by worried lads. Meng Shi immediately reaches Sisi and takes her hand in hers, whispering soft words. They both smile.
“Did you catch up?” Asks Cangse Sanren with a big grin. She had been talking and showing her notes to Fengmian on the terrace, waiting for their return—and supervising the kids from afar. (Okay maybe Yu Ziyuan supervised the children, in their stead)
An hour and a half is not enough to make up for all the time they spent apart, but it’s a good start...And it’s better than what he expected. So Wei Changze smiles back, if a little bit tired and overwhelmed still. He is exhausted but happy, almost refreshed, like after a long training session and a bath in the river. He doesn’t have to force himself to think positive, even if the anxiety of the reunion is still here. Sisi is a great woman, he thinks he can come to like her as a sister, and it seems like Sisi is ready to forgive him and accept him as his little brother. They can start from there, maybe it’s better even; than starting from...well, the start .
A-Ying is pouting when Wei Changze arrives at the main hall—because he had to wait for his father to come back to eat the soup. But as always, he does not stay angry long, as soon as he sees Sisi he runs to her and this time he asks:
“So, are you okay being my auntie now?”
Sisi looks at the boy puzzled, then at the other people around. Madam Yu’s eyes are not sending daggers in her direction anymore, and if the kids looked jealous or distressed earlier, they are obviously okay now. She does not hesitate, this time, as she kneels and pats her nephew’s head. She can’t help but grin and replies, cheeky;
“Depends, you’re okay being my nephew too? You can ask A-Yao, I’m a very strict auntie!”
Meng Yao answers the child’s stare with a polite smile and says with a straight face :
“She is a very strict second mother.”
Sisi’s heart gets too big for her chest, suddenly. She can barely articulate, maybe a little bit to both of them :
“So you’re okay with me?”
A-Ying’s hug is the best answer. Meng Yao nods in the background. Jiang Yanli doesn’t waste anymore time, as soon as the matter is settled, she takes Sisi’s hand and leads her to a sit near Wei and the Wen kids. Meng Shi stays with Meng Yao near where YinZhu and Jinzhu are taking their meal.
“You can eat with us too, if you're part of the family!”
Her little brother insists too:
“If you’re A-Xian’s auntie, then you’re our aunt too!”
It’s a little bit confusing, yesterday she had no family and now, she had so many that her arms aren’t big enough to hold them all! Fortunately Jiang Fengmian comes to the rescue and shoos the kids away and Madam Yu tempers everyone’s mood.
“She will sit with Wei when Cangse Sanren’s spiritual tool will confirm her story.”
Wei Changze’s eyes narrow and Sisi’s heart squeezes. Jiang Fengmian whispers
“My Lady,”
But she cuts him, her expression easing softly as she turns to Sisi:
“I am not trying to say you’re lying, but you’ll need this confirmation if you want the world to acknowledge that fact, otherwise people will simply say you could have similar backstories.”
“That would be an awful lot of coincidences,” comments Cangse Sanren, unconvinced.
“True, but since when do people listen to reason? With the tool you’ll have undeniable proof of your bond and we will avoid rumors. Now we know that no plan works better than undeniable truth with proof.” She adds, looking at Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian especially. She didn’t mind acting like a good wife and the Wei showing their love to the world ; but the rumors about Jiang Fengmian’s harem are finally subsiding now, after the conference and the show they pulled (Not the one about Jiang Fengmian being a warlord, unfortunately). “Better to be safe than sorry, in this case, don’t you think?”
Wei Changze blinks, unable to think, to be fair.
“It’s okay,” assures Sisi to Wei Changze. “I prefer sitting with Meng Shi and A-Yao anyways, it’s...let’s take this slowly.”
She is also overwhelmed and exhausted emotionally speaking.
“They are all sitting with Yinzhu and Jinzhu too, that’s as close to family as one could be,” Yu Ziyuan exacts, blushing too. And Jiang Fengmian sends her the brightest smile ever; his lady also has servants she sees as friends, in the end.
Still Yu Ziyuan senses she has ruined something because she quickly adds:
“When we have the confirmation, and...When you have good enough self-defense skills and Changze is in better health…We will organize a trip to your village.”
The declaration stuns everyone and Madam Yu lets out an offended sigh, irritated by their surprise.
“Why are you staring, how else would you plan to find your other siblings exactly?”
She ignores how A-Ying’s head perks up and repeats eagerly “You will bring more uncles and aunties?” and continues: “We will go to your village and get the truth information out of your damn parents…If they are not answering to you they will answer to me. Or I will zap them.”
Sisi thinks of the slap she gave the brothel Madam and can’t help but wish to see it again. Wei Changze remembers the way Jin Guangshan was zapped, and his lips curve up.
“And If you don’t want to go there and meet them yourself—” Cangse Sanren tries to say. “We will go in your stead!”
Jiang Fengmian completes the plan with the brightest smile on his face:
“And if they have nowhere to go, or in need of help, the Jiang Sect will offer it.”
Wei Changze stares at the two of them, lacking words. He cannot..Well, no; he could believe such a kind act coming from Jiang Fengmian, but Yu Ziyuan, the woman who he thought he could not trust anymore? He told A-Ying that he didn’t believe in apologies, as long as it was not followed by actions, that they were just meaningless words…Well, Madam Yu is acting right now, she tries and he sees it.
Maybe, just maybe, he is willing to give her a chance. The only second chance he ever gave to anyone. If they get the confirmation that Sisi and him are related, when they will both be in good enough shape to make this trip. When he will meet his parents, once again.
But they...Oh, they ; he will not offer the courtesy of a second chance.
Notes:
Brain : we are aiming for 100 chapters to end this fic!
me : WHAT ? NO. It's like 30 chapters away OO
Brain : 100 chapters. It's a good number.
me : NO you know when we give a number we always get past it ! NO.
brain : lalalalaaaaa not listening!
Next chapter is not Boashan Sanren, i've written a chapter that makes more sense before Baoshan Sanren's chapters. So well. That happened.
Brain : 100 chapters, i bet.
me : STOP.As alwyas thank you for being amazing readers, see you on friday with the new chapter ^^ Also do you like Wei Changze's siblings' names ?
Chapter 75: One Madam,Two Madams...
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're all doing great ^^ I'm so happy it's week end x) I still have chores to do but hopefully I will be able to rest and do what I enjoy (reading fic, playing video games...) this time. One of our family cat got to the vet yesterday and now she only has three teeth left, poor thing, so she will be cuddled and hugged all week end long by me. (what? No it's not an excuse!) Thank you again for your amazing review, I' a bit behind answering you, know that if my answers is late / you see people getting answers and you don't, it's not because I'm angry at you, it's just that something came up and I had to leave my computer alone to do something IRL >> I love every single one comment I receive <3 Now without further ado, I will leave you with the chapter...but before that :
Trigger warnings : discussion of rape (Qin Su's existence level) and suicidal thoughts.
This chapter might sound awful like this but I promise it is not xo But if any of theses subjects are difficult to handle for you don't hesitate to skip it. As always there will be a summary of this chapter before the next one ^^Previous chapter summary (Previously on...) --> Wei Changze and Sisi took a walk together, and finally had the opportunity to talk about their new bond together. Of course everything is not perfect ; years of separation won''t be fixed so easily, but they traded stories and tried to catch up anyways. Wei Changze didn't remember magically hearing Sisi's stories, and Sisi still felt hurt that she was sold to a brothel while her brother was given to the Jiang Sect, but they managed to tip toe around heir trauma and find common ground and agreement as they both wanted to keep the other in their life from now on. Wei Changze learned the names of the one still missing : Mingyan, his oldest sister, her twin, Mingyao, and finally Wanyue, another sister. And when they came back to Lotus Pier, Sisi was welcomed as Wei Changze's sister by the children. Madam Yu, however, wanted to make sure of Sisi and Wie Changze's bond, in order to avoid rumors and future slandering for the ex-prostitutes, so she asked Cangse Sanren to finish the spiritual tool to test it. She also promised -along with Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren- to go and check the village the Wei came from, and have a talk with their parents. But only when the Wei sibling would be ready, which mean Wei Changze healed and Sisi being strong enough to defend herself...Now all there is to do, is wait.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Madame Jin is happy, it has been a long time since she has felt that way at Carp Tower. Her husband is being contested openly since his return from the conference. How could he not? It has been a disastrous series of events for the Jin: Jiang Fengmian’s new commercial deals with the Wen trouble their own, they spent a lot of money (as compensation, but also for the spiritual tool) because of Jin Guangshan’s actions and the man returned, angry, half driven mad by humiliation and hives, and started to melt every damn statue of pixiu, not caring about the bad omens it could bring. The elders are outraged. Madame Jin however is delighted.
She talked to the doctor of the carp tower too, and gave him the “tea.” She didn’t even have to lie about it; the man had to heal countless women already, and he is, to put it mildly, quite fed up with sobbing women that he cannot help.
“I’m the one deciding the dose and when,” he states to Madam Jin.
She lets him think that, as she still has some of the herb in her pouch. She could easily pour tea and leave the cup between them, after a few drinks Jin Guangshan would not care about the rightful owner of the cup and would gulp it down. Easy peasy.
Zixuan must never know about it, however. His food problem is getting better since his return from the conference, now he doesn’t ask to observe the servants who make his meals, if said-meal is spicy. She doesn’t want him spiralling down again by making him realize people can add secret ingredients to one’s food.
The boy is particularly lively too, lately, it warms her heart to see him like this. He trains hard with the robe his betrothed made him and makes significant progress.
His friend, Luo Qingyan, a young disciple his age is awed by it. She is not supposed to stick to the Jin heir so much, but she just arrived at Carp tower, and is from a commoner background, so she has trouble fitting in among the disciples. Jin Zixuan looked so terribly lonely when he came back from Lotus Pier, Madam Jin didn’t have the heart to tell him no when he invited Luo Qingyan to share his private lesson after lunch break.
“Can I have one too?” Luo Qingyan asks when he beats her for the second time in a row with spiritual energy redirection exercises. She sticks to him even though it is break time, trying to understand why he is better than her, and came to the conclusion it’s thanks to the robe. The truth is it’s because he is the Jin heir and has access to private sessions, that he has a large family of great cultivators when she does not, and he is talented. But she is a kid, she doesn’t get that.
The boy hums, and says:
“Maybe! I will ask her in my next letter!”
He sent her a letter only two days ago, Madame Jin can’t help but beam at the idea of her baby getting along with his future wife. Love has always been an option ; this match is to assure their children’s future and safety, so their future selves could at the very least trust their spouses, unlike Madame Yu and Madame Jin. (Though the former is not in this situation anymore) It’s good to know their babies will have happier personal lives than they did. Though, she still needs to teach him a few things:
“Zixuan, you can’t ask your betrothed to make a gift for another lady.”
Jin Zixuan blinks and frowns:
“What lady?”
“Luo Quingyan.”
“She is not a lady, she is a girl!...And my friend!”
Lu Qingyan is smart enough to hide her giggles behind her sleeve. Poor Zixuan, he has a lot to learn about flirting, Madam Jin thinks she has some work ahead.
“First, before asking for another gift from her, why not send her one?” She tells him.
Jin Zixuan frowns, but then suddenly declares:
“She said the pixiu was cute, I could send her one!”
Luo Qingyan's eyes shine a bit brighter and she adds:
“I saw where everyone put all the statues, we could probably save one before they melt it!”
“Do you think we can find a way to make it move like the last one?” Zixuan wonders.
“We can try!”
“Yeah but we have to keep it away from father; so it doesn’t bite him too.”
Jin Zixun, who had been reluctantly working his sword stance besides them, drops the weapon on the ground and follows. Their private teacher sighs, apologizes to Madame Jin, and then tries to explain to the children why trying to make a pixiu statue move is against the righteous cultivation path. She wishes him good luck, and makes them promise to return to the courtyard in half an hour, as they have class to follow.
She has other business to tend as well; since her return she has made sure to spread her influence further in the Carp Tower. She will not take the risk and launch a coup against her husband, but she can make sure more people are looking forward to Jin Guangshan’s abdication and forward Jin Zixuan’s rise to power. She wants to make a list of all her husband’s abuse and wrongdoings, to women but also financially. That way if her son ever wants to overthrow the man through lawful means he will have all he needs. It might be years from today but you can never start too soon in politics.
However, she does not expect politics to find her. As she is watching over the budget, circling around in red ink all the expenses for brothels and prostitutes, a small knock interrupts her.
She is surprised to meet Madam Qin; while her husband, Cangye, is Jin Guangshan’s best friend, she is not Madam Jin’s friend. Not because of any animosity between them, it’s just that the woman has barely ever come to Carp Tower. They simply do not know each other well enough to consider the other as such. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t happy to see the woman. Especially now that, since she gave birth to her daughter, Jin Guangshan has stopped calling her pretty and making jokes about her looks. They immediately exchange courtesy bows and protocol, and she invites her over tea.
“Might I ask you what brought you here?”
Madam Qin squeezes her toddler tight, the little Qin Su that is almost three now. She is such a beautiful girl, with big rosy cheeks. Sometimes, Madam Jin regrets not giving birth to a girl, she would have loved to take care of a little lady like that. But that would have meant keeping bedding with her husband until she gave birth to a boy, and not having her little paradise, her Zixuan. So it’s better that way.
Madam Qin’s servant, Bicao, proposes to take the little squirming girl on a tour around the garden, to give the two women some privacy and her mistress nods. Madam Jin watches them go with a frown. What exactly would require privacy?
Her question is immediately answered as Madam Qin’s hand squeezes her robes and she, with many difficulty, says:
“I have heard about...a tool you brought from the Jiang...”
Madam Jin is baffled that the words had spread so far and wild already, she certainly does not encourage it, but she does not prevent it either. Carefully she sips a bit of her tea, and makes a soft sound as confirmation. Yet again, Madam Qin takes her time, swallowing several time and avoiding her gaze, silent and hesitant for a long moment, before she continues:
“I have a friend,” she starts.
A cold shiver runs through Madam Jin’s spine. Oh no, this is a very basic cover up story she is familiar with. Much like the friend you’re asking their crush’s opinion on their behalf, or the classic make your sweetheart jealous and watch their reaction. She is afraid to know where this is heading.
“A friend,” she repeats. “Well, we all have that one friend, do we? The one that brings nothing but trouble. What did your friend do that shall concern me and my new spiritual tool?”
Madam Qin doesn’t smile, and simply nods, still not staring at her face. Servants have been whispering about her health lately, how she never quite recovered from her pregnancy, like some women do. She stopped inviting people over to her domain, did not go out to events, even stopped taking care of her husband’s estate like a good wife. Of course Cangye denies those whispers, as besotted with his wife as the first day. Usually women who suffer from such afflictions hate their child, but his wife loves Qin Su more than her own life, he repeats. His wife is fine. She just needs time for her and her family. They had so much trouble conceiving can’t they allow them to bathe in the bliss of finally being parents? It’s an excuse that is convenient to believe.
Madam Jin starts to think it’s not the truth, when Madam Qin painfully talks about this " friend " of hers, that was at a party, and was forced by a drunk man to lay with him.
"The thing is, she is pregnant, and she doesn’t know who is the father, her husband or the man who, who..."
"Raped her? " Madam Jin completes, her voice deadly cold.
Madam Qin doesn’t say the word, but her head shakes positively.
"She just wants to know, she doesn’t...She can’t bring the man down, but she needs to know if her child is... Her husband or this man’s offspring."
"What would she do, if her baby is the man’s?" Madam Jin asks.
Because it’s relatable to want to know, to be sure, but then what? It doesn’t erase the problem, the baby is still very much here. Maybe in such a case, it’s better to have hope, to stay ignorant and doubtful, as it hurts less to think that the child could equally be from the man you love than the man you hate. Maybe with enough time, you can convince yourself.
"I cannot say. F-For my friend." stammers Madam Qin, sticking to her lie. Her fists clench her robe so hard her knuckles are both too pale and a little bit bloodied.
"So you need my tool." States madam Jin, more to push her to stop hurting herself than by need.
"Y-Yes."
This is problematic. The real tool is not finished. She could, certainly, use the fake one to give this woman hope, reassurance, what she wants to hear; that her baby is her husband’s gift and not that rapist’s curse. But…
But Madam Jin is suddenly very afraid that this need of blaming a friend, and not naming the man to Madam Jin despite her capability to bring him to justice, is due to another awful reason; that her husband is once again to blame.
Honestly she is quite fed up with him; it’s one thing to have power and use it to bed all the women he wants, it’s another to buy prostitutes, father a bastard and then beat them to make them swear secrecy. It’s a whole new level to force himself—even drunk—on his best friend’s wife. But apparently that’s what the bastard did. And even bastards do not deserve to be associated with such a scum at this point.
She curses his name in her head, and if it didn’t mean cursing her own son with it, she would have expanded the curse to him and all the future generations that would sprout out of his filthy dick.
Not showing any of the profanities she thinks of right now, she smiles, clenching her jaw, to Madam Qin and gives the woman a small pat on the hand, elaborating a plan on the spot, just like she did that night at Lotus Pier. Anger is a wonderful help. And she is quite furious and has no one to hit right now. She lets the emotion carry her and fuel her brain with revenge plans instead.
"Don’t worry, we will take care of that. But the tool is difficult to use yet, as it is but a prototype. I’m afraid I’m the only one who can control it for now. "
It almost makes Madam Qin cower and back down, she can read it on her face, so she quickly adds:
"Your friend doesn’t need to meet me in person, do not worry. Wait for her to give birth, when she does, I want you to use this. "
She takes out three talisman papers. It has to be talisman paper, because it will contain the Qi that is present in one’s blood no matter how long time passes.
"Put a bit of her husband’s blood on one side of the talisman, and the baby’s blood on the other side. Then on the second paper, do it again, it will be to verify the result. Better be safe than sorry, right? "
"And the third one, what is it for?"
"You will put the baby’s blood on it, only the baby’s. No one else. It allows the tool to familiarize with the baby’s energy before the test."
It will, in truth, allow Madam Jin to put her husband’s blood on the other side and check, if the baby is related to him, but that, Madam Qin doesn’t have to know. Actually, she will have the reassurance that her daughter (or, if she is actually pregnant right now, her other baby) is from her husband. This is the little mercy Madam Jin will give her, as for once, she really cannot blame the woman for sleeping with her husband.
However, she will have to send another letter to her sworn sister; maybe she needs more of her marvellous tea. And why not ask for the powder and incense that gave her husband hives? She loved the scent and misses it quite a bit already.
But first she will go training and break some things. Preferably very expensive ones that belong to her husband. She can’t punish her husband outwardly, but she sure can make his life a living hell.
***
A-Zhan stares at his mom’s garden. There’s a dragonfly on the top of one gentian. He points it out to his mother and says the insect’s name proudly. Mom smiles and says:
"Good job A-Zhan! Can you tell me what is this one?" she asks, staring at a butterfly.
A-Zhan doesn’t know which species it is, except that it’s a butterfly, so he remains silent. Mom lets a couple of seconds pass, and then she tells him a weird name. He repeats it until he gets it perfect.
"It’s one of the first butterflies you can see, it means spring is growing nearer."
A-Zhan nods, because he knows: the garden is blooming again, it’s been two months since they went to Lotus Pier. He misses Wei Ying suddenly, and decides to write him a letter about butterflies and dragonflies. So he returns inside the house, where he can hear his father playing from his own house. There's all he needs to write, mom has been warned by Lan Huan that A-Zhan tends to do that lately. She is still quite surprised by her son’s urges; but she is not complaining and encourages him to continue, his calligraphy is beautiful and he reads his letters to her aloud now, his diction getting perfect too.
"Mother, what is that flower?" Asks A-Huan.
Because just like she is teaching A-Zhan about insects, she is teaching A-Huan about flowers and more specifically gardening. Her eldest son is the most diligent student ever, listening to her every word, absorbing knowledge like a sponge and coming back every month with new questions, as if he has prepared the meeting and did homework. It is both cute and worrying; it is supposed to be a hobby, not a duty. But she doesn’t know how to make him understand that in one day, when their uncle has them for the remaining time of the month. All her work is undone the minute they get back to Cloud Recesses. Though it has been better lately, after their return from Lotus Pier, they finally looked and acted more like kids their ages.
“I think it’s a Yellow Gentian!” States A-Huan.
She lets Lan Zhan write his letter and approaches her older son, to see what he points out. She lets out a sharp breath when she realizes what it is; among the blue gentians of the garden, sprouts a yellow plant. It is still very new, but she has been waiting for so long she cannot mistake it. She couldn’t ask for the seeds from the Lan, as they would have denied her request, and has been hoping to make it appear with circumstance. They grow on humid mountains, the perfect environment for it, and those flowers always mix well with gentians, after all. Now, she has to act carefully, so it is not identified and ripped apart.
"I don’t know," she lies to her son. She knows. It is not a yellow gentian, but a white hellebore. The mistake A-Huan makes is fairly common. She had been hoping for everyone to make it.
"Why don’t we let it grow and nurture to full bloom so we can learn?"
Lan Huan is enthusiastic at the idea, and she gives him a soft kiss on the top of his head. Then asks him to follow her, they are done gardening, she says, so he needs to wash his hands. The white hellebore is highly toxic. She will have to watch her sons the day they are allowed to come, to make sure they do not touch it and put their fingers into their mouths or eyes.
A-Huan is a nice kid; he obeys without much resistance and is happy to change activities. She asks him to show her his progress with the flute, and he happily does. When A-Zhan finishes his letter, he makes grabby hands movement toward the guqin and she lets him join the concert. Soon enough their father’s song adapts to their music and she has a tiny concert.
”Can you sing mother?" Requests A-Huan, his eyes shining. She cannot deny him this tiny pleasure, even though the activities leave her tired and out of breath. She can do less and less lately, without ending up like that; the curse has reached her lungs already. That’s why the white hellebore is so much desired.
She will not let herself be killed by the curse. She would rather choose the way she will go.
Her sons show a little bit of remorse, as they watch her struggle to breath, and as the night is fast approaching, so is dinner time, and they have a new suggestion:
"Let us cook you something mother!" Lan Huan says.
"You cook?" She wonders and congratulates him; "When did you learn such a reliable skill?"
A-Huan blushes a bit, and looks at his little brother who nods, serious as ever.
"Jiang Yanli," A-Zhan tells.
"She cooked a soup when we were at Lotus Pier," explains A-Huan. "I thought it was so nice of her to already know how to cook, and that I wanted to make you something too. So I asked for recipes when I sent her a letter."
"I thought you wrote to this friend of yours, Meng Yao…?"
"Yes, and Wen Qing and her little brother, and also Wei Wuxian, and Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. It would be rude to write a letter to one and not the others, right? Besides, they are very nice and I'm friends with Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli too."
"Nie Mingjue," adds A-Zhan like it’s important, even though it’s not because Mingjue is not at Lotus Pier, he is at the Unclean Realm! So A-Huan teases his little brother back:
"And you, you’re writing to Nie Huaisang?"
"No. Just Wei Ying." States Lan Zhan, very proudly.
"Not even Wen Ning?" inquires mother, because she knows he adds a drawing for Nie Huaisang and Wen Ning, each time his older brother sends a letter to the older sibling. Yet the boy insists:
"Not writing."
Which, to be fair, is true. He does not write. He draws. She rolls her eyes, amused by both the stubbornness and the precision her youngest son clings to. It’s cute. The same way it’s cute he wears his red training ribbon. Ah She is so sad she is a prisoner here, she would have loved to see the offended face the sticky Lan elders are probably making each time they gaze at Lan Zhan’s forehead! But she has to resign herself and be contemptuous with Lan Qiren’s silent disapprobation.
In the end, Lan Huan makes them dinner, with her help and A-Zhan’s, they spend a lovely afternoon eating, the result that is not very tasty but perfect in a sense.
"I will get better next time," Promises A-Huan when Lan Qiren comes back to bring them home.
"Next time," parrots A-Zhan, and it’s the first time she sees him talk in his uncle’s presence.
“I see you are in a talkative mood today.” Says Lan Qiren.
The man smiles at her, like he won something and she lost it, she stares back angrily. Lan Zhan’s expression shifts and he lets out a “Mn” as an answer, probably clamming up for the rest of the day.
She will not be childish enough to regret that her son is finally communicating with others. Especially with his older brother who he has longer and longer conversations with. She will not. No matter how much it hurts to see her baby grow farther away. She will not give the Lan Clan any satisfaction, any victory. Not back then, not now, not ever.
She gives her son one last hug, and watches them go until they completely disappear behind the mountain path. Then she slowly drags her body back to her home, closes all the windows with her heart heavy, and rolls to the bed. Alone again. Her husband’s song still resounds around, even louder due to the sudden emptiness of the place. It is quite different from the music he played earlier, the notes are discordants, not very pleasing to hear. It’s not supposed to.
She picks up the notes, closes her eyes and focuses on translating the message. It's an inquiry language, she knows because when he plays it when the babies are here—which happens sometimes—A-Zhan’s head perks up. He has been learning it with his uncle and can pick up some words too. Then she smiles back and hums her answers back. Her chest hurts under the effort but it’s worth it. It feels good to communicate and not let the void and melancholy take her. Otherwise she might think about the yellow flower growing in her garden. It is not ripe yet, not ready to be picked.
She falls asleep at some point, lulled by the song, and jolt awakes, many, many hours later. She is not a Lan, but their prisoner, so she never cared about learning their way and fitting to their routine. She does when her sons are here, but the rest of the month, she just does as she pleases. And usually the Lan leaves her be. That’s why she is surprised to see someone in her house.
Someone who broke a vase apparently.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to break this,” a young woman whines in front of her misdeed. “I was trying to find a way to...Well, l mean wake you up?”
“Well, it worked, I'm awake.” She replies and the poor woman turns red from head to toe.
She thinks this one’s name is Lan Juan (she has never been sure and now it's too late to ask). She is the one who memorized Cangse Sanren’s letter for her and told it aloud last time. She doesn’t see her that often but she is nice. But still as clumsy as when they first met!
“I have good news! I wanted to come to visit sooner, but I had to find something Elder Wu valued enough but not too much, so he would send me here as a punishment for breaking it and not you know, make me do handstands for two days straight. I don’t know how to do handstands without laughing anyways, so I suppose that wasn’t a real risk, but he could have found something else—”
She raises an eyebrow, a little bit lost on her blabbering and Lan Juan must feel it because she hiccups and gets straight to the point. With a swift movement, she pulls another ribbon from under her sacred headband. Her haircut is so complex that she wonders how long it took her to hide it like that—and how she managed to get it without pulling down half of her scalp. But those worries are short lived, as Lan Juan explains to her what the ribbon is for.
Lan Juan can’t stay long, she just remains enough to tell her the instructions, as she cleans very loudly the mess she made with the vase. Then she checks her health, like she had been ordered and leaves with a tiny smile.
She remains alone, not knowing what to feel about this development. She hadn’t expected it; it’s been so many years since she has been condemned to remain here, in seclusion...part of her is delighted to push the darkness of solitude away, even for a short, silent and secret session, another is scared to interact with anyone. She is not sure she still knows how.
She would have been okay, if Cangse Sanren simply did what she had been asked to ; keep the token—his tiny part of her soul—and the letters. Then when she would die…
But apparently Cangse Sanren is very bad at following orders, and she can’t bring herself to be angry about it.
A little bit shaky, she reunites what she needs: a bowl of water. The one she always kept for her plants would do. Slowly she lets the tail of her new ribbon touch the water and waits. It takes ten heartbeats, ten awfully long heartbeats, before the water turns dulls, then colorful. A visage appears in the pond. She only saw her once, but she recognizes Cangse Sanren immediately, and the woman laughs; but no sound comes out of it. She makes the universal sign that means “wait a second'' and walks out of view. When she comes back she has a long scroll with drawn hand movements and meaning besides each. She points out the first one: hello. And does it. Then waits.
It takes a moment for her to realize that Cangse Sanren is waiting for her to do the hand sign too, and blushing, she reciprocates.
Cangse Sanren nods firmly and applause soundlessly. It seems they have a way to communicate now; even though that will require some work. But then she hears her husband’s song, and realizes: it’s not the first time she learned a secret language from scratch, and it’s not like she has other things to do, or a better place to be.
So she starts learning. And gradually, as days pass, she thinks less and less about the yellow flower growing in her garden.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter !! It's the first madam Lan's pov in this story I believe...
Next chapter will take you to the Nie and the Wen clan ! ;)Then we go to Baoshan Sanren's mountain. And then we return to Lotus Pier ! I hope you'll like it ^^
Chapter 76: Two conspirators
Notes:
Hello everyone, as promised I'm back to edit the note and adds a summary. I hope you're all doing well and are all healthy ^^
Previously On --> Several weeks after the Conference, Mme Jin was back at Carp Tower and gathering evidences of her husband's wrongdoing, hoping to help her son when he would want to inherit the Sect leader's position. As she worked she got the visit of the evasive Madam Qin. The scared woman heard about the spiritual tool Carp tower purchased. She asked, on the behalf of a friend, if a child could be tested to see if they are their official father's child. Madam Jin saw through the "friend" excuse and decided to see help Madam Qin (in her mind) by not telling her the truth about her daughter's blood if the tool (when it will be completed) ever say she is Jin Guangshan's. But her patience with her husband was definitely nearing her limit after that. How much will it take for her to decide she has enough?
In Gusu, Madam Lan was spending her one-mont-day with her children, when she noticed a yellow flower among the gentians of her house ; it was a flower she had been trying to cultivate for years already, a poisonous plant that could end her life before the curse reach her heart. But as she contemplates this possibility; Lan Juan visited and gave her the Ean to contact Cangse Sanren through the Jiang secret communication method. Will this be enough to push away the dark thoughts in her heart?(yes I'm feeling like the narrator of a sitcom today)
Now, on to the next chapter ! I hope you'll like this chapter, and the revelation that comes with it ;) Cameo of a character that you all liked when it was introduced and asked if he would come back...Well he does !
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Mingyan!”
Nie Mingjue stops training. There’s only two people alive who call his Second Mama by that name, his father; the Nie Sect Leader, and then First Uncle. So he is not surprised to turn around and see the second one walking toward them with a big grin on his face. Second Mama hides her own smile behind her fan but does not move from her spot, where she’s supervising her son’s training, making sure they do not overexert themselves or hurt one another before their afternoon lesson. A-Sang however drops the stick he has been using to mimic his older brother’s movements through sabre drills and runs to him. Uncle opens his arms and lifts him like he weighs nothing, even throwing him a little bit up to make the boy giggle in delight.
Nie Zonghui turns to see it, watching his father with a serious expression. Nie Mingjue gives his cousin a small hit with his elbow: surely if he wants to run and hug his father like A-Sang did, no one will mind. They’re between families. They could even call each other by their baby names in theory. Zonghui smirks and returns to his exercises. Which somehow, works better to drag his father’s attention on him:
“Zonghui, is this how you say goodbye to your father?” The man complains.
“You’re going already?” Repeats Mingjue, disappointed.
“No! First Uncle, stay!” whines A-Sang.
Nie Zonghui is also distressed at the news and he finally lets go of his dual sabers to look at his father and says:
“But you’ve barely been here!”
First Uncle raise an eyebrow and laughs:
“How is staying at Unclean Realm for three months is barely? I haven’t stayed that long in years!”
“Of course it’s not enough for them, the children will miss you terribly, like always. It’s your own fault, if you don’t want them to miss you, don’t be so likeable.” Says Second Mama, half of her face is still hidden behind her fan, but her eyes are shining, like she is smiling.
First Uncle groans but still gets to his son and pulls him into a hug.
“Train well and make me proud, would you? And don’t worry the sect leader or your cousins.” he says.
Nie Zonghi promises with a stubborn frown.
“I will be back before you know it, and I will bring with me a lot of new stories to share,” First Uncle adds, in vain, both A-Sang and Nie Zonghui’s pouts remain on their faces. Nie Mingjue decides to help:
“Next time you’re back, maybe we will both be done with the saber ceremony!”
After all, Nie Mingjue’s teacher is positive; soon his saber will grow a spirit. He is already thinking about names for it. And if Nie Mingjue is close, so must be Zonghui, even if his cousin uses two sabers and has to share his energy evenly between the two weapons, he is very strong and serious.
First Uncle winces at the mention of the ceremony, and Nie Mingjue wonders once again why. Why First Uncle, despite being a Nie, decide to become a rogue, why does he not wield a saber and prefer dual hook swords? People in the unclean realm say it’s because he couldn’t compare with his sister, Nie Mingjue’s First Mama. And how could a man’s pride stand being inferior to their sister in martial arts and sword play? But Nie mingjue doesn’t believe that; it’s the same person who says Second Mama is in love with First Uncle and that A-Sang is their child. Those people are stupid and liars, everytime he catches one he orders them to shut up.
“Do you already have a pattern for your ceremonial tattoo?” Asks First Uncle to Nie Mingjue and Zonghui. “It’s very important, you know!”
Nie Mingjue beams; of course he does! He has been thinking about it for months already. The tattoo has to be ready for when his saber develops a spirit, after all, as it will seal their bond in his flesh. He knows Nie Zonghui does too because they’ve been discussing it while training. A-Sang however, questions:
“But it’s invis-bunvis...not visible!”
Second Mama giggles and takes her son in her lap.
“Invisible. And that’s not true, tattoos are visible for family and cultivation partners. You can see your Papa’s tattoo, can you not?”
A-Sang nods, and asks:
“Can you see it too, Mama?”
“Of course I can. Isn’t it pretty?”
That’s why people saying Second Mama is cheating on the sect leaders are stupid. She wouldn’t be able to see his tattoo if she wasn’t his wife, thinks Nie Mingjue. She must see him nod approvingly, and guesses what he is thinking (that’s a mother’s special skill after all) because she laments:
“And your older brother is going to have a beautiful tattoo too. But I won’t be able to see it. You’ll have to look at it very well and describe it to me!”
“I will show the draft, Second Mama. That way you’ll know what it’s like.”
“Oh, thank you my boy, you’re just like your First Mama: so very kind.”
“Kind? My sister?” First Uncle laughs loudly after that while Mingjue scowls at him. Then he hiccups and says “Oh? Did I ever tell you the story of how your First Mama started her saber training?”
“No!” Answers A-Sang, obviously interested.
“Tell! Tell us!”
First Uncle lets Zonghui get down and sits on the bench with the others, as he starts telling the story. He always moves a lot and makes a show when he tells tales, after all. Nie Mingjue is definitely eager to know more about his mother, of course, he misses her terribly but talking about her makes their father sad. That’s why talking about First Mama is a thing they do only with Second Mama and First Uncle. Second Mama says that everybody grieves differently, and that’s why father doesn’t like to remember like them.
“Okay, first you all know why women cultivators are not encouraged among the Nie?”
“Because they’re less strong,” states Zonghui.
“Because pretty.” Tries A-Sang.
“Because they have higher Yin energy than men.” Answers Mingjue.
“Exactly.” Approves First Uncle. “Nie cultivation is just like us, hard to handle. It stands on the very limit of the righteous path and so it is very easy to lose balance of Yin and Yang energy. That’s why it is primordial to uphold high morals and be strict with yourself and training. Women with their higher Yin energy cannot afford any mistake like we do, it’s even harder for them than for us. Unfortunately while wielding a saber they tend to become hysterical and make too many little Qi deviations that alter their personalities. That’s why we tell our daughters to use different weapons, like a fan or a ribbon, or to not cultivate. And why we encourage our sons to marry into other sects or take commoner wives.”
Nie Mingjue nods, and can’t help but think about what Lan Huan told him in his last letter; while Lan clan doesn’t encourage their own to marry outside, much like the Nie clan, they have numerous people marrying common people. They follow important rules about love: arranged marriages are frowned upon and only encouraged when it is truly necessary. Because when a Lan falls in love, it’s often once and forever and opposing the union leads to tragedies. Yet allowing it doesn’t prevent sadness either, unfortunately. Lan Huan has been sad in his last message because one of the clan members has just lost his commoner wife. It is very unfortunate to have a different life span than your partner, he said, why would people inflict such pain upon themselves? Nie Mingjue agrees. Second Mama isn’t a cultivator either, Father and First Mama tried to teach her cultivation but she didn’t show any talent. She is a commoner, after all, an ex-courtesan, and she started to learn very, very late. Her chances of success were low. Sometimes Mingjue looks at her hair, hoping it will not turn grey too fast, but she is already in her forties.
While the teen is deep in his thoughts, First Uncle carries on with his story:
“Well, your First Mama didn’t care about all of that. She wanted a saber, no matter what. She started cultivation training like me, and insisted that she would have one. The day we had to give our design for our saber, she arrived with a drawing too. The instructor tried to convince her to change her mind.”
A-Sang giggles, he might not have a lot of memories about First Mama, but he does know she isn’t one to change her mind. First Uncle laughs too:
“Exactly Huaisang, but our instructor was determined. He gave her a spiritual weapon, a fan, and told her…” First Uncle changed posture and took a high pitched tone: “Look how cool this weapon is? Don’t you want to wield it? You could do so much that you can’t with a saber!” he pauses and turns to Second Mama: “Mingyan, lend me your fan-”
Second Mama gives him a look that says “you better not break it” as she obeys. First Uncle takes it with care and swings it once, giving just a little nudge of spiritual power in it. The gush of wing that results sends some weapons and training dummies flying. A-Sang claps and Nie Zonghui smirks at the show. Nie Mingjue doesn’t see the point: if it cuts things, why not, but making a monster stumble won’t protect you from its jaws or claws.
“Your Mama had the very same expression on her face as you Mingjue,” points out First Uncle with a grin. “Our instructor was so annoyed by it that he took things a little bit too seriously...And he was determined to prove to her that fans were better than sabers!”
“How did he do that?” Asks Zonghui.
Because it’s well known that nothing is better than sabers. Sabers are cool.
“Well, the first thing he did was kick one of the torchlights around the courtyard! Which caused a tiny fire that spread everywhere! Like pssschiou ! It caught a flag and the flames got bigger and bigger! And then BOOM!”
He claps his hands so close to Nie Zonghui’s nose that the boy backs up. But he recovers easily and raises an eyebrow at his father, not impressed, and repeats doubtfully: “Boom?”
First Uncle hides behind the fan like First Mama did, and Second Mama still does.
“Well, maybe I’m exaggerating, but that’s the impression we got. Our instructor used his fan to redirect the flames and make sure it wouldn't reach any of us. Then we watered the fire. He looked at us right in the eyes and said “What would you have done with a saber? Cut it?” and by the end of his show every kid wanted a fan.”
He smirks and stares at Nie Mingjue, like he did an incense stick ago. He does not say that he has the same expression as his sister did, but Nie Mingjue can guess.
“You know what my sister said after that? She looked him right in the eyes and declared “great, I will have a fan then” and right when our instructor beamed, sure he had won, she added “but I still want a saber.”
“And you all know how your First Mama was,” adds Second Mama, retrieving her fan. “What she wanted, she got.”
Zonghui rolls his eyes, and finishes the story quite fast, not sharing his father’s love for show:
“And then she became one of the greatest saber wielders, and kicked the sect heir’s ass at a tournament and he claimed that the day he would defeat her, he would marry her, bla-bla-bla! We know your stories by heart, go ahead and bring us a new one.”
First Uncle looks as his son jumps on his feet and returns to the center of the courtyard, resuming his saber drill with his two weapons.
“Is this the beginning of teenage rebellion?” He laments. “He used to love my stories.”
“When I was three like Huaisang! I’m older now!” Complains Zonghui.
“New stories, lots, lots of stories!” Demands A-Sang, uncaring about the father-and-son’s communication troubles. “And candies, and fans, and-”
“Wow slow down little one, I can only bring you one gift from my trip, one! Choose wisely!”
“I want candies, and fans and stories,” repeats A-Sang.
“Are you sure you aren’t my sister’s son? You sound like her.”
Second Mama giggles and pats her son’s head like she is very proud.
“I want a weapon” asks Mingjue.
“Why am I not surprised?” Scoffs First Uncle.
“And you Zonghui, I guess you will want a weapon too?”
“I want you back before my saber ceremony.” His son states.
“I will, I will! I’m not going very far.”
“You promise?” Zonghui says.
First Uncle sighs but does: “I promise.”
“Where are you going this time?” asks Second Mama, curious.
“That’s why I wanted to see you before I leave. I might wander around Lotus Pier again.” He tells her.
“Really?” Mingjue says. “Why do you want to go there?”
“Well, because my nephews told me they had a lot of fun being there and made some friends and I’m curious! But also because I went there last summer and I taught a little lotus princess how to use hook swords and I want to know how much she improved!”
“Say hello!” A-Sang asks.
“Yes, say hello to Meng Yao for me!” Adds Mingjue.
In his last letter, Meng Yao said “I might be fatherless, but now I have two Moms, like you.” He wants to know more about it. It’s the first time Nie Mingjue has a friend who has two mamas. If uncle goes there, surely he could give him more details. Meng Yao also told him that Cangse Sanren started working on the look-out towers (that will be inns,) with the Jiang Sect leader. And that also they are discussing recruiting books. (Meng Yao has a thing for telling stories, like uncle, he said that Cangse Sanren was too busy complaining about work to do the actual work until the Jiang Sect leader arrived and told her “Only you can do it, you are after all, a genius” and she suddenly got all fired up and finished one spiritual tool before dawn. Nie Mingjue doesn’t know much about Cangse Sanren but he could picture her doing that very clearly).
The thing is, if this continues, the Jiang will put into place all the ideas Lan Huan, Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue imagined together before the Nie sect leader even stops the fake cultivation books from spreading! Father doesn’t listen to him; but maybe he would listen to First mama’s brother, he respects the man’s opinion.
He is about to give the First Uncle some instructions, when suddenly Second Mama wavers. A-Sang almost falls from her lap and Mingjue catches her before she stumbles over the bench.
“Mama!”
“Oh I’m sorry my boys. Don't worry. I must have stayed too long under the sun. Continue your training, I will just go under the shades, over there! Surely, your First Uncle won’t force me to listen to him under such harsh conditions, right?”
“Of course, we can continue over there,” First Uncle says and he helps her walk to the other side of the courtyard.
Nie Mingjue frowns, because he has seen Second Mama do that countless times to help First Mama and their papa get out of tricky situations that will anger them. Like when someone talks about Papa’s sister and her relationship with the Wen. Yet Mingjue doesn’t get what’s the point here. No one is going to be angry about uncle leaving; not even Zonghui, who is used to seeing his father periodically. He stares at First Uncle and Second Mama talking in secret, and can’t help but think about what people say.
He doesn't know who to be angry at, right now. The sword in his hand is hot under his finger and he almost hears the iron roar. Yet, if Papa is not angry at Second Mama it means that it’s just a bunch of lies and he shouldn’t pay attention to it. But he wishes he could just shut them all up.
“Don’t worry,” whispers Zonghui next to him. “My father doesn’t like anyone like that. Not even my mama.”
Nie Mingjue would be inclined to believe him, but Zonghui doesn’ have the most appropriate opinion about his father.
Then Mingjue sees A-Sang. His little brother doesn’t hesitate, he goes straight to the two adults and collapses on his mother's knees with an innocent giggles. The two adults laugh and let him stay, while continuing their conversations.
A-Sang rubs his cheek on his mother’s lap. She pats his back but doesn’t hum the song A-Sang likes, the one with bad words in it.
“Sing mama?” he pleads, but she shakes her head.
“Later, mama is talking with your First Uncle now.”
A-Sang pouts, and states:
“At Lotus Pier, Sisi sings your song too.”
“Really? I’m jealous.”
“You sing better.”
“Aw, thank you my little berry.”
“About Lotus Pier,” reminds her First Uncle.
“Are you sure it is him?”
A-Sang fakes sleeping, closing his eyes and letting his mother’s warmth lull him. Maybe she will carry him later, if he fakes very well. He is tired of walking. His mama’s voice is sweet and soft too, even though she is not singing.
“I can’t be sure,” Says First Uncle. “But there’s good chances given what Mingjue and the Sect Leader told us. I will go there to check, again. But last time I went he didn’t speak of his past at all, I don’t see why he would change this time around and go tell me his life story without any reason or...motivation.”
Second Mama doesn’t say anything for a long time, then she whispers:
“Is he happy?”
“He looked like it? He was very busy but at the very least I can tell you he is well loved by the Jiang clan. Also he has a family, a wife and a son.”
“Good, that’s all I need to know.”
“Don’t you want to send him a letter, like you did with MingMing? I’m sure it would help me get the truth too.”
“Did he look like he was searching?”
First Uncle’s voice reluctantly admits:
“No.”
“Then what’s the point? Hide-and-seek is only fun when one is chasing the other. Let’s leave the past where it is.”
“Will you be okay with that?”
“I am loyal to the Nie Sect, and he is part of the Jiang. Even if we were to reunite, it would only lead to another heartbreak, as I cannot choose him over the Nie clan, even if he is family. My place and heart are here, with my babies and husband now. Why make him go through another abandonment?...Especially when it’s my fault if we were all sold off in the first place. I hurt them enough already. I’m fine with just knowing he is happy. MingMing is different, he is my twin, I knew he would never be at peace as long as he knew what I had become.”
“I suppose. I went to Baixue temple on my way back, MingMing says hi, by the way. And I went through your village too, the mulberry fields are doing great, your little plan didn't damage it and the business is thriving. But next time you send a monster after someone, do tell me so I can damage and control the whole attack.”
“I don’t see what you mean, it was an unfortunate incident. I am a weak commoner, how could I do such things?”
“Please; Mingyan, I’m not smart but I’m not stupid. I talked to the Nie disciples positioned around, they were beginners at best, it was evident they would have no choice but push the monsters away from the Nie border and couldn’t defeat it. Especially if their second lady is there with them, needing protection and so ill she has to be brought back home to be looked after by a doctor.”
Second Mama huffs, and for a moment, there’s silence. Then she whispers:
“I didn’t think you’d approve it.”
“Well you’re wrong. I think they deserved it. But the other villagers? They certainly didn’t.”
Second Mama’s voice gets cold, colder that A-Sang barely recognizes it: “I see. Though I do believe they are happy with the support they have received from the Nie Sect for three year as an apology. And they got rid of some vermins. Surely, it is a good enough compensation.”
She pauses, and her voice warms again, like she is smiling, but A-Sang keeps his eyes shut tight:
“Thank you for taking the time from your journey to look after my family. Thanks to you there’s only two left to find.”
“It’s nothing, it gives me the impression my travels are worth it, I’m sick of finding nothing to end the saber’s spirit curse.”
A-Sang shivers; what is this? It sounds scary.
“You’ll find something, eventually.” Says Second Mama.
“I’m afraid it’s a problem that can only be solved by being smart, and I'm the muscle, always have been. I...i just wished I could have found a solution before Zonghui had his ceremony.”
“You still have time to save him from his sabers.”
“Maybe, or maybe not, because that idiot decided to wield two of them.”
“You cannot fault him for wanting to be like his father.”
“He is nothing like me. If he was, he would be scared and would have chosen hook swords like me or the little lotus princess, but no, of course not, he is like my damn sister, stubborn to the very end about saber and the clan.”
First uncle grumbles, sadly:
“I don’t understand you all.”
“You don’t have to,” assures Second Mama.
“You’ve chosen the life of a rogue, after all.”
Two hours laters, when First Uncle finally leaves for good—though he will probably make a detour to say goodbye to the sect leader—A-sang comes back to play with a fan this time; Second Mama did see through his act and didn’t bring him to his bedroom.
Mingjue hesitates, as he doesn’t support such sneaky ways, but since Second Mama returns to her bedchamber without giving anyone a chance to ask, he has no choice.
“What did Second Mama and First Uncle talk about?”
A-Sang looks at him and blinks, then takes a deep breath and declares in one go:
“First Uncle said why something and Second Mama said because the past is past and she is our mama… and that she is loyal to Papa and First Mama. And also playing hide and seek is not fun if no one is looking. Oh. And sabers are scary. I want more fans.”
Mingjue is not sure he understands, but what he gets is that Second Mama is loyal to his Father, and that all that matters, after all. He returns to training his heart lighter, his sword silent in his fist.
***
Zhao Zhuliu takes a deep breath in as he waits for the door to open in front of him. Then Sect Leader Wen’s voice orders it to come in, and he does, his eyes on the ground, like his mother told him to do. The creature Sect leader brought from his trip at Lotus Pier barks at him, and Wen Chao runs after it, trying to catch it. Wen Xu is sitting next to his father’s throne, playing with a small piece of gold, ready to distract his new demonic pet with it if it shows any sign of attacking his little brother. Sect Leader Wen would be able to use his cultivation to make it bend to his will then. But it has been months now, and the pixiu seems used to them all, acclimated to the resentful energy bathing the whole palace, and only biting cheap golden furnitures here and there. Zhao Zhuliu quite likes it, since Sect Leader Wen offered it to his sons, the servants calling him in for help with Wen Chao lessened. The youngest heir loves his pet.
“You called for me, Sect Leader?” Zhao Zhuliu asks, bowing. He can only see the feet of his savior in this position, but that is just as well.
“Your instructor told me you’re making significant progress?” Sect Leader Wen asks.
Zhao Zhuliu declares, trying his very best to school his expression and not brag:
“Yes, I managed to melt every training dummies’ chests now, if I have time to gather my energy before.”
“Show me your hand.”
Zhao Zhuliu can’t help but shiver when he does. Sect Leader’s fingers are as hot as magma on his skin. The man’s thumb caresses the scar on the boy’s wrist, and he has to restrain himself from backing off. It’s a stupid reflex; Zhao Zhuliu knows he is safe with the Wen sect Leader. He doesn’t threaten to cut his hand like the mother of the Zhao disciple he hurt by accident. He doesn’t ask his surgeons to open his flesh and search for what is causing his spiritual power to be so deadly for others. He is a good man. The only one who has been willing to welcome, shelter and teach him anything. The only one who isn’t scared of his ability.
“It appears it is in better shape. Your meridians are finally completely restored.”
Zhao Zhuliu takes a deep breath in, not knowing what to think. Once upon a time he had been hoping that his strange ability would disappear, and that he would be “healed”. That whatever the people who captured him after they got exiled did, that had corrected his anomaly. But now, he is surprised to find he also has been very scared of this possibility too. After all, what use is he for Wen Ruohan, if he cannot melt core’s anymore?
“Good, now squeeze my hand, the stronger the better.” Orders Wen Ruohan.
Zhao Zhuliu does as he is told, and the pressure in his wrist is almost gone. It doesn't hurt anymore either.
“It seems your tendons are better too, you might even be able to wield a sword one day.” Wen Ruohan says.
“Really?”
Mother cried so much when they got rescued and the doctor told her Zhao Zhuliu’s hand had been so damaged he might never be able to use it again.
Wen Ruohan nods again and looks at the boy, the same way he looked at him when Zhao Zhuliu dared to ask if he had met the violet spider, at Lotus Pier. The woman that his father, in his memory, called his friend and rival. And just like back then, Wen Ruohan gives him an amused smirk, and doesn’t disappoint. Months ago he delighted Zhao Zhuliu with stories about the woman, and the Meishan clan, and now he says the one thing he never think he would ever hear:
“Good. Starting tomorrow you’ll be joining the Wen Disciples during cultivation training.”
“For real?” Yells Wen Xu and he sends Wen Zhuliu an enthusiastic look.
Zhao Zhuliu is afraid to hope. Some cultivators—and especially some instructors—have been clear about it: he is too old to learn cultivation correctly. Besides, last time he trained with people it ended with him being thrown away from the only home he and his mother have ever known, his very father’s clan.
“What if i hurt someone?” He dares ask the Sect Leader. “What if I qmelt someone’s core by accident?”
“Zhao Zhuliu, who do you take the Wen cultivators for?” Wen Ruohan declares, and Zhao Zhuliu makes the mistake to look at him in the eyes, to see the fire burning beneath the man’s glare. “If they are not able to avoid your blow when it comes, then I have no need for them among my ranks. Your presence makes my army stronger. They will have to deal with it.”
Zhao Zhuliu does not smile, his throat too tight. The warmth in his chest is almost unbearable, for a long time in a while he feels proud. He feels like he belongs. This is the best feeling in the world.
“Work hard,” orders the Sect Leader. “Do not waste this opportunity and be worthy of my attention.”
“Yes sect Leader!” He beams and Wen Xu immediately pulls him aside, saying what they should try first tomorrow when they go to training.
Wen Ruohan nods, and relaxes on his throne, his eyes setting on the one metal piece in the center of the room. Floating around it whispers to his ears promises and threats alike. He tries to ignore it, like the nightmares that show his death, stabbed from behind by a man he cannot even see. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, pours his spiritual energy into the connection to make it bend, clean it. He is Wen Ruohan, the greatest cultivator of his generation, the closest to immortality among his kind. He will not be manipulated by an old artifact; it is nothing but a tool. His tool. And it will do as the Sect leader tells it. Which is to absorb all the resentment draining their lands and spot its lost shard. It will help the Wen achieve prosperity and take back their rightful place.
And Zhao Zhuliu’s strange ability, combined with the Iron Yin, are the key.
Notes:
I want to thank you all for your comments when i asked you to guess Wei Changze's sibling. Many of you suggested Second Madam Nie as a sibling and i didn't expect it (didn't plan for it) but when i read it it just clicked and several plot point that were a bit loose connected and i just love that feeling when everything FITS. That's also why i love writing fanfiction so much, interacting with readers and heain their theories and playing guess games with them is so fun everythime and it truly helps me build this fanfic. if it is good, it is also thanks to you all and i wanted you to know it UU
Anyways, surprised by Jiang Yanli's mentor? ;)
Also Surprise Zhao Zhuliu =)EDIT : The first comment I got is from a troll that love to post anonymous comment on LXC/MY and 3Zun fic, I answered this comment immediately ; as it is the first time I've received it. But I want to ask you all, dear readers, that if you see such comment unanswered TO NOT GIVE THEM ANY ATTENTION OR ANSWER. While I know if one of you ever do that it comes from a good intention and out of kindness, it is never good (in my opinion) to group up and corner one person. I am an adult I can deal with it ; I have actually thought about what I want ; give them the privilege to be the only reader that will not get any answer from me ever (starting now) I will even delete their comment if it's too offensive -but in order to do that you must not give them any reply. So please do not give them any attention ^^ If you want to say something about it, talk to me in your comment, but not in their comment thread ^^
Thank you very much for your understanding, I know it might sound paranoid and a bit too soon to say that, but It's the first time I have such a large audience and I want to make things as right as possible.
Chapter 77: Fishy immortal
Notes:
Hello everyone !
I hope you're doing well <3 Today I deliver you the long awaited return of...Xue Yang's pov ! I hope you'll like it, he is a tiny gremlin of around ten years old and so already...Previous chapter's summary (Previously On) --> The Second Madam Nie, Wei Mingyan, was supervising Nie Mingjue and his cousin Nie Zonghui's training at Qinghe when she got called out by Zonghui's father (who is also Nie Mingjue's uncle). The man is a rogue, he rejected the Nie cultivation and travel the world looking for a cure for the saber's curse, and while he is doing it, also look for Mingyan's lost sibling. Last time he visited Lotus Pier, he did meet Wei Changze, but bonded with Jiang Yanli and taught her the way to use hook sword without managing to hear the man's backstory. Though, now that the kids are back after the conference ; it is sure, Wei Changze is Mingyan's sibling, so he secretly talked to her about it, not imagining that such behavior with the sect leader's wife might cause rumors... Second Madam Nie didn't ask to meet Wei Changze, contented with him being happy and fine. Unlike her twin brother, Mingyao ; nicknamed MingMing, who lives at Baixue temple, she didn't write Wei Changze a letter of explanation. Them being on different sect make the reunion impossible, she said, as their loyalty both lies with others now. She prefers to focus on finding the other and helps them if they need to, while keeping an eye on her village and her parents...though, she seemed to have plowed something years ago...
In the meantime, Zhao Zhuliu is living at Nightless city, and Wen Ruohan, proud of his progress and how much his health improved, finally authorized him to start cultivation training. The debt the boy has for his savior is expanding at a fast path...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Xue Yang is sure there’s something fishy going on with Baoshan Sanren. But he doesn’t know what.
He still can’t quite believe it himself; he might not be intelligent, but he likes to call himself streetsmart. He had to, in order to survive. Yet today he definitely feels like the stupidest being in China, not being able to figure out what’s wrong. So he is trying to establish a list; Baoshan Sanren taught him how to organize his thoughts and work well, he is going to use it against her.
The first thing he finds weird: there’s not enough people. When he arrived at the Immortal’s mountain, he wondered why there were so few disciples under Baoshan Sanren. When Cangse Sanren talked about it, he had been under the impression that she taught plenty of orphans how to cultivate and allowed none to leave her. Then where were they now?
Xiao Xingchen answers this interrogation of his quite easily:
“They are there,” he explains, pointing out the village. “They are not cultivators all the time, as we live in a peaceful place, but every disciple ends up living in the village.”
Xue Yang finds this very idea revoltin : what’s the point of preparing all your life to fight and slay devilish things, only to decide instead to settle down somewhere and reproduce? What a let down! Especially since their children aren’t forced to learn cultivation! They could, and if they wanted they were welcomed, but that is not a duty like in outside sects. Which means that at the current moment, the only true disciples of Baoshan Sanren are Xiao Xingchen, Xue Yang, and another one who is so young that if you kick him in the chin he might throw up all his baby teeths. Needless to say Xiao Xingchen forbids him to do just that.
Killjoy.
Unfortunately, it is a logical outcome given their situation. Xue Yang spent one complete year at Baoshan Sanren’s side, training, without ever getting the smallest glimpse of a monster. Or a Yao. Would the resentful ghost he saw the night she told him about the Iron Yin counts? ...Probably not since he hadn’t been allowed to kick it. (Nevermind that he got too scared to do that, no one has to know. Let's focus on Xiao Xingchen who spent three hours looking for Xue Yang thinking the boy had drowned like an idiot and whose shoulders only slumped in relief when he realized he was alive and safe. He had expected a few tears, at least, but nope!)
The fact is, Xue Yang is bored, and even if this mystery is very small he has all the time in the world to ruminate. It’s been four days since the thought hit him like a Yao. He should have found out by now. But since he does not, he decides to focus on something else. His head had been full of the Xue clan since Baoshan told him about it. So he spends all his time learning how to read just to find information about them in Baoshan Sanren’s book. (But all he finds the first couple of days is porn about a god prince and a ghost, and a female general and her princess! Yerk! What is wrong with this place thinking nothing but love and peace instead of blood and monsters like any normal cultivator?! He hopes they aren’t training him to become like them, he will be a monster slayer, not a puddle of sugary goop!) Honestly the most interesting thing he digs up, after five days, isn’t even about the Xue; it is a map-artefact (he calls it that way) that allows its owner to see what is happening here and there. That explains how the immortal still has a very good idea of the state of the outside world. It has some limitations (probably) but Xue Yang didn’t hit it yet, as he has little care for what the others did outside the mountains. Nonetheless, he thinks he can use this to drag Xiao Xingchen with him and make him help research about the Xue clan. The idiot is too curious about the outside world.
Unfortunately his plan goes to trash because the idiot is also too honest and when he learns about the map he simply asks Baoshan Sanren if he can use it from time to time to satisfy his curiosity. He asked permission! What the fuck! And the worst part? After much deliberation, the immortal agrees, saying: “If it helps you quiet your thirst about the outside world, please do so.”
Stupid woman. Who ever called her wise? It is the exact contrary.
Still Xiao Xingchen is a nice idiot, because despite not being rewarded with a prize, he still helps his martial brother look for information about the Xue. Damn, he even discovers that the map has a reason to be hidden inside the immortal’s library. It doesn’t work every time but when they activate some famous place in the map (like the Lan clan’s stronghold: Cloud Recess) while being around the bookshelves, the scrolls titles change. They have access to the place’s entire book collection too!
Xiao Xingchen thinks it is amazing that a clan can be so righteous that they share their knowledge with others, Xue Yang finds it useful but weird, from all his time in the street he learned one thing: no one gives their secrets willingly. Baoshan Sanren gives reasons to both: she tells them it is merely an illusion trick that is allowed because of an old agreement with the immortal and the past-owners of the place. So old geezers’ agreement which people probably have no memory of. Whatever, it helps Xue Yang’s research, so who cares? Not him!
In the end, Xiao Xingchen finds more than Xue Yang—but he cheats, he is better at reading than the boy is and he spends all his time playing with the map. Still nothing he gets is that interesting. What’s the point of knowing the Xue’s sect leaders and heirs speak as “we” all the time, as they are representing all his clan and his ancestors, but are forced to speak as “I” whenever they commit a mistake, in order to not implicate his clan with them?
“I think it’s very noble of them,” comments Xiao Xingchen. “You’re from a family worthy of respect.”
Bullshit. Xue Yang does not blush when his senior says that either; Xiao Xingchen just has his brain rotten thanks to all the romantic stories Baoshan Sanren keeps in her damn library. She forced him (and every kid in the damn village—to listen while she read it every now and then, of course it has consequences! Xue Yang shouldn’t have told the man about his family, now the idiot has expectations. Expectation for Xue Yang to be all noble and good and lovable. That’s the worst! He just wants to cut monsters.
“It didn’t protect them from being killed and leaving me alone, so I’m not doing that!” He replies to his senior. Xiao Xingchen has the guts to pat his head back like Xue Yang is weak enough to need some comforting.
He is lucky Xue Yang kind of likes Xiao Xingchen, otherwise the man would have lost his hand right there and then.
***
Since the Xue clan research is dangerous, Xue Yang comes back to his first plan; digging out his adoptive mother’s bullshit to throw it to her face.
The fact that there are not as many disciples now as there had been in the past is not a super obvious problem. It is easily dismissed or excused by everyone else in the village. They all have their own theory about it: mostly that Baoshan Sanren got her heart broken when Cangse Sanren left and couldn’t bear to bring anyone new from the outside world after that. One of the twins has another explanation and says it’s because she got fed up with the world’s bullshit. Xue Yang is more inclined to believe this one. The world is full of bullshit after all. And who would miss the crazy lady who sent him here? Not him!
Still he asks Baoshan Sanren about Cangse Sanren, one morning, not because he is curious and jealous, but because he has to prove the theory. Basic scientific process!
“How did you meet the crazy lady?” He asks the immortal. She does not need any explanation to guess who he was talking about.
“You are not meditating,” she replies, not opening even one eye.
“I’m contemplating the past while I meditate!” Xue Yang answers with a proud smirk.
Baoshan Sanen gives Xue Yang one of her rare amused smiles, she probably doesn’t buy this excuse, but she still complies. She usually likes when her disciples try to be smart. And since they are alone in the room, she can be honest with him:
“I was checking on a place where the Iron Yin had been hidden, in the Wen Territory.”
There’s a reason why the Xue person who checks each hidden place is called the florist, she explains. In order to make the place last longer, the Florist plants red flowers, poppies and chrysanthemums, to the place that is showing the first signs or spiritual disruption. Not many people know, but this specific mix of scents helps spread the spiritual energy evenly. It is good for isolated areas, as it allows the environment to find balance, but dangerous where the population gathers, as it disturbs common people’s Qi. It is even more dangerous for cultivators, she adds, as their energy doesn’t obey them like they are used to in the presence of such flowers. It leads more often than not to a lot of accidental deaths. Because of that, people usually believe red poppies pop where a lot of blood has been spilled.
“The girl was picking up flowers there, she offered me one because she thought I was pretty.” Baoshan Sanren smiles at the memory. If all people have to do to get adopted by the great immortal is flirting with her…
Well Xue Yang would not have been adopted, he supposes.
“That’s all?” He asks still, because he can’t believe it.
“No, there are many other reasons; First, she was smart, I asked her what she was doing there, she told me the flower field felt safe and no monster ever got there. She noticed such things when most experienced cultivators don’t even know about it, let alone about the effect the scents have on their QI. This is the second reason; I also couldn’t let her be exposed to the scents much longer or she would start to feel sick. Neither could I let her pick up the flowers, after all it was planted for a purpose. Thirdly I learned she picked and traded the flowers for food in town. I thought it would be easier to bring her to the mountain, there she would not have to do such a thing in order to survive.”
And then her talent for cultivation shone bright, Xue Yang guesses.
“Do you miss her?”
Baoshan Sanren doesn’t answer that, at first Xue Yang thinks it is because she is angry but then he notices the way she clenches her jaw, and the small furrow between her eyebrows. She looks in pain.
He doesn’t have much time to ponder about it, though, as Xiao Xingchen barges into the room only a couple of heartbeats later and states:
“There’s a resentful ghost breaching the barrier.”
Baoshan Sanren simply nods at that information; as if she expected it, and rises to her feet. Xue Yang kind of jumps on it, excited at the idea of finally fighting something. But Baoshan Sanren spoils his fun:
“Xue Yang, it’s your first time facing such an event so you stay on the sideline, you observe and learn.”
“What? No! I’m going with you!” He protests, of course. As if he would let the senior disciple have all the monsters on his own when it’s the only fun they had in months of training!
“You’re too young,” she says, eyeing Xiao Xingchen for confirmation. The disciple nods and she adds: “You don’t have a sword yet,”
“Then give me one!” He replies, showing his open hands at her, waiting.
Unfortunately she gives him nothing. And Xiao XingChen departs to the battlefield while Xue Yang talks with the immortal. He tries to follow but the woman grabs him by the collar and simply handles him like he weighs nothing. He grumbles, kicks, bites, and complains all the way down there, but she doesn’t care. She brings him to the village. Most of the healthy adults are armed with a sword or some spiritual weapons, while non-cultivators, (he supposes) children, and elderly are gathered inside the main and biggest building of the town. It is covered with protective talismans and another barrier. Baoshan Sanren simply puts him among the snotty children. Like he belongs here.
The guts! He is about to sneak out when Baoshan Sanren joins the mass of defenseless. She sits and simply waits by his side, in a meditative pose.
“Why aren’t you going to fight too?” Xue Yang screams.
“My disciples can handle it on their own, they have much to learn from this fight while I do not.”
Well, maybe she should take a dive into the lake then, her head is starting to get big. After that, Xue Yang is forced to watch the whole fight; as the barrier doesn’t allow anyone to get out either and he is not strong enough yet to break it. Pouting he watches Xiao Xingchen gracefully fight a male ghost dressed in red ( nán guǐ , some children from the village say). It hurts to admit it, but Xiao Xingchen is beautiful when he fights, he makes almost no sound at all, like he is gliding on air. He looks like Baoshan Sanren somehow. With the help of the other villagers they corner the ghost in a matter of minutes.
But then they don’t erase him. Instead they waste much time and effort to push it back; from inside the immortal’s barrier to outside. Xue Yang doesn’t understand. Why bother? He would have got it if they tried to appease the ghost and lay him to rest peacefully, because of some morality bullshit that Xiao Xingchen and Baoshan Sanren like...but that isn’t even that. They merely put it aside, still angry and resentful, just somewhere they wouldn’t see him!
That doesn’t make any sense! Except, if…
Xue Yang has a new theory now. It isn’t a bad theory; but he needs testing. Xue Yang wants to talk to Baoshan Sanren, but she retreats to her room right after the attack, saying she needs to meditate. After her, a lot of ladies from the village follow, bringing tea and herbs and stuff, giggling like when they go to parties. Which recoils Xue Yang from the following. Last time he did try to impose on such an event, he learned way too much about girls’ reproductive systems and problems, and that being an immortal doesn’t dispense Baoshan Sanren from experiencing phantom cramps in her stomach. And also that if a girl cultivator wanted to grow a baby she had to let her parts bleed. Very gross. He would rather not know more, ever. And also never touch a girl. Who wants to touch people who bleed without being stabbed first?
Xiao Xingchen is also being a pain in the ass, asking him what he learned from today’s fight (that he couldn’t be part of). Xue Yang is not telling him he found him pretty. That’s gross.
Unaware of his younger martial brother’s thoughts, Xiao Xingchen dutifully explains the process they have to follow: warn Baoshan Sanren, secure every civilian, lure the resentful being out of the village area, not harm it and push it back to the limit of the barrier separating the immortal mountains and the burial mounds.
“We have to be careful, when one breaches the barrier, a lot will follow,” Xiao Xingchen adds. when Xue Yang’s behavior makes it obvious he doesn’t care. “You weren’t allowed to fight today, but maybe the next one you will, so—”
It certainly motivates Xue Yang enough for him to listen. His focus even earns him a pat on the head (and Xiao Xingchen gets a bite mark on his fingers for that, because what does he think Xue Yang was, exactly? A dog? “More along the lines of a very feral cat,” Xiao Xingchen answers before leaving to tend his battle wounds).
***
Since Xue Yang couldn’t meet with the immortal officially, he decides to force a secret rendez-vous; after all he is nothing but stubborn. His plan is to wait for her midnight walk like he did the day he learned about the Iron Yin; unfortunately, for the first time since his arrival, the immortal does not go out of her room. She never skips her midnight walk, ever . Xue Yang did follow her a couple of times more since the first time; she doesn’t always summon the resentful ghost. Most of the time she just walks into the lake and calls out her soulmates name and tells her about her days. (Which are not often completely accurate, she tends to mix events together and repeat herself, but since there’s no one to answer—and maybe no one listening even—who cares?) Even though it’s pointless in the boy’s opinion, Baoshan Sanren still does it. But not today. Xue Yang doesn’t miss it; there’s definitely something fishy going on. He finds it so strange he acts upon it immediately and he barges into the immortal’s room through the window. She had been lying on her bed, reading. Or maybe writing as there is her still wet ink stone on a small table near her. Meditating my ass! Her hideous incense burner isn’t even lit! Xue Yang thinks she is writing other silly stories!
“You should be sleeping,” the immortal reproches to Xue Yang.
“You should be meditating,” he replies with a shrug.
“If there’s a lock on the door, it’s for a reason,” insists Baoshan Sanren.
Xue Yang decides to ignore that and to start interrogating the immortal shamelessly.
“Is today’s monster from the lost timeline?” He goes straight to the point.
“It comes from Burial mounds,” Baoshan Sanren answers, not even remotely surprised by her disciple’s theory. She resumes reading her stupid book like she has answered the question.
In a sense she had. Didn’t she say Burial mounds were now a mass graveyard due to the Iron Yin’s first rewind in time? It is a place that can’t be cleansed because it holds a whole world’s worth of spirits that had turned resentful. Purifying them is hence impossible: how do you appease someone who had been robbed of its very right to exist?
“Why not suppress it, then? I know there’s too many to count, but surely one at the time, you can-”
“If you start suppressing one spirit, it angers the others and they attack back to avenge their friends. We can deal with one, we cannot with hundreds, let alone thousands.” She explains.
Xue Yang doesn’t believe that, he is more inclined to think Baoshan Sanren is the one who would be angry if they “erase” the spirit. What if it is someone she knew from the previous timeline? What if it is her beloved Lan Yi? In the end the immortal is human like everyone else, and so, so selfish. Not that Xue Yang throws a stone at her for it; he understands, and what’s the point to cultivate to immortality if it doesn’t give you some priviledges and the power to do whatever the fuck you want? Besides, he had been here long enough to know already; Baoshan Sanren cares too much about her own kind.
“Then why not take more students,” he suggests. “Right now you can’t deal with a thousand but surely if you trained every kid in the village, and if you went out and brought orphans like you did in the past, you’d have a little army, you could take a hundred first…”
“Whether they learn cultivation or not is their choice, I will not impose it. One student is efficient only if he is willing to learn.”
Bullshit, if she is so adept of free-will she would not have the stupid rule about not-leaving-the-mountain. Heck, no one could! None of her disciples; but no one of the village either, they are completely on their own, they can’t rely on the outside word at all, which means resources are sometimes scarce. Like sugar. Which means candies. Which is absolutely not okay with Xue Yang. The crazy lady promised him tons of sweets when she sent him to her and if he ever sees her again he is going to kick her lying ass. The only reason he has candies everyday is because Xiao Xingchen hides one for him every evening under his pillow! Xue Yang asked around why they didn’t get the product they had too much of, and go sell them to Yiling for example; or maybe even trade it for what they lacked! But no one dares break the stupid rule. No one but Baoshan Sanren ever leaves the mountain. And Xue Yang, since he had been brought here, one year ago, never ever saw her leave the mountain either.
“Why did you stop?” He asks, annoyed.
“Stop what ? Be precise: taking disciples, teaching cultivation?”
“Yeah! And going outside, taking in orphans !”
He has been aware of such a fact: only Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen come from the outside world. Xiao Xingchen was brought in when he was a toddler, years ago, (though it is unclear how many years exactly) and well, Xue Yang didn’t get picked by the immortal, but the crazy lady she raised. There’s definitely something fishy he just knows! But what exactly?
Baoshan Sanren stops and stares at the wall in front of her, silent for a while, then she looks down at her book and orders:
“Go to sleep Xue Yang, it is late. Children shouldn’t stay up so late.”
“I’m not a baby!”
She raises an eyebrow at him which seems to say, you aren't doing a very good job convincing me you’re not since you’re acting like one . All of that in one tiny facial movement. Immortal power, no doubt. Xue Yang flushes red and barks:
“—And you avoided the question! Why did you stop? You used to supervise the Iron Yin hiding places too, you told me, why did you stop that too? It doesn't even make sense, the Xue clan are all dead, except for me, and I sure as hell am not doing their job, so it needs supervision even more than before!”
“I cannot do a thing against the Iron Yin, I learned that the hard way, but I can do many things for this village and my students. This is simply a matter of saving one’s strength.”
“Why do you need to save strength? You’re a damn immortal!”
And the damn immortal shows him that she can throw him out of her room anytime after that. Before Xue Yang can do anything he is sent flying through the window he came from.
“Go to bed.” She repeats before closing the wooden store.
Xue Yang doesn’t go to bed. He stomps his foot on the ground and yells:
“You’re not a fucking wise immortal you’re a damn walll! Why did you tell me about the Iron Yin and you keep your mouth shut about this?!”
Baoshan Sanren replies through her window, her voice calm but strong:
“The Iron Yin is your legacy. It is my duty to tell you what I know about it, as a survivor of the great war that birthed it. And while you remain here, you are safe from its influence. There is no harm telling you.”
“So you’re implying there’s something you hide and that there’s harm in telling it to me?!”
The immortal does not deign give him a reply this time. Xue Yang goes back to bed, cursing about stupid Masters and adoptive mothers and crazy ladies and hidden mountains and while he is at it he almost kicks Xiao Xingchen awake. Then he thinks back because he is angry at Baoshan Sanren and not him, so he just pokes his face until he opens his eyes.
“We need to talk!”
Notes:
We've reached 500 bookmarks!! I'm so happy thank you so much to every single one of you who bookmarked this fic <3
Next chapter, we will still be with Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen, (and Baoshan Sanren), actually next week is going to be only about them ! ;) I hope you'll like it.
Chapter 78: Xiao Xingchen's naivety
Notes:
Hello everyone !
I hope you're all doing well and all ^^
The bad news is that i'm a little sick (nothing serious don't worry ; it always happen at this time of the year) ; the good news is, since i'm a little sick i work from home until i'm not contagious anymore. Which might give me finally some time to answer your comments faster (and read all the fic i put on hold ToT)Previous chapter summary (previously on) --> Xue Yang had been staying on the immortal mountain for a year now, and while he is happy there, he couldn't help but think Baoshan Sanren was hidding something. Though revelations concerning his family's inheritance and having to learn how to read delayed his researches he had been determined to find out why Xiao Xingchen was the only disciple of the immortal (beside himself) why she stopped adopting orphans or supervising the iron Yin when the Xue are dead and it needs supervision more than ever?...The whole secret became even more interesting when the barrier surrounding the mountain and protecting them from Burial mounds gost was breached. The immortal didn't fight the ghost and let her past disciples and Xaio Xingchen do allt he work! They didn't suppress the spirit but instead push it back outside. Why? Why is Baoshan Sanren isn't doing basic cultivation job? When he confronted her he couldn't get any clue besides that she was saving her strength and focusing on what mattered the most to her. Furious, Xue Yang decided to not give up until he find out the truth.
Now without further delay...Here is the chapter !
TW : there is a scene showing child abuse / neglect !! If you feel uncomfortable at any moment during this chapter, don't hesitate to skip it, as usual there will be a summary next chapter so you can still know what happened.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
If Xiao Xingchen is unhappy with being dragged out of bed by surprise, he sure doesn’t show it. Only sometimes does he yawn and wipe a tired tear out of his eyes, but he still listens to Xue Yang’s rambles until the very end. Because he is like that; all stupidly kind and noble, not holding drudge for Xue Yang’s temper at all. He should be the one with the surname Xue. Honestly. Xue Yang would make a terrible Xue clan member. The more he thinks about it, the surer he gets.
But it’s not about him; it’s about the awful secret Baoshan Sanren is hiding from them and how to make her spit it out!
“Why do you want to make her talk?” Wonders Xiao Xingchen, after listening.
The question takes him by surprise.
“Because she is hiding the truth!” He yells back.
“It’s not necessarily a bad thing. You were like this about her midnight walks too, yet was her secret that bad then?"
"No, but I learned important things by insisting!"
"Things she would have told you anyways since it’s your legacy." Xiao Xingchen points out, before he continues: “Everybody has their secrets, you can’t force them to share it. As long as it does no harm, I don’t see why we should force them to tell us.”
Xue Yang wants to smack him in the face. How...Why? How can one be so damn blind?!
“You don’t know if it’s harmless until you know about it!”
“I am sure Master would talk about it, if it could endanger us or the village. We have to keep faith in her.” Xiao Xingchen answers. “Has she ever let you down since you’ve arrived? Didn’t she prove you time and time again that you can trust her? Why not trust her back?”
Xiao Xingchen never trusted a stranger in the street to give him candy if he carried a letter and ended up beaten for it, and it shows. But...he has a point; Baoshan Sanren is not a stranger, she is their Master, and she kind of rescued him from her resentful ghost girlfriend. She is the closest thing to a mother that Xue Yang has. Fine! Reluctantly, Xue Yang admits Xiao Xingchen is right. But he will not give him the satisfaction aloud.
Still, it bothers him. He doesn’t like the idea of being manipulated. he doesn’t like the idea of someone deciding what’s good for him in his stead. Only he decides what he likes and what he does! What’s the point of being powerful if you still have people ordering you around and able to beat you? He wants to trust Baoshan Sanren and like her (and he does) but as long as she hides things from him, he feels like he can’t. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t understand that feeling. It’s disappointing. Xue Yang thought he would.
“Fine, I will find out by myself! You stay stupid for all I care!” Xue Yang states, as he returns to his bed, grumpy. Xiao Xingchen hums like the boy said something funny, adds a blanket to Xue Yang’s bed and returns to sleep.
Xue Yang pouts, thinking again that Xiao Xingchen would have made a perfect Xue Clan member. All selfless and trusting. He closes his eyes, and falls asleep without being able to figure out a plan on his own.
***
Xiao Xingchen hadn’t lied when he said that the monster breaking through the barrier would only be the first one. After months and months of peace, there is not a single day without an alert for at least a full week. What Xue Yang has cannot be called a golden core yet, more like a tiny nugget of spiritual energy, but that doesn’t mean he is defenseless. Xue Yang finally has the opportunity to cut something with a borrowed (non-spiritual) sword and test out some talismans and skills.
And damn he loves it!
There’s something so excruciating, so freeing to defeat a monster that could and would kill you if you don’t stab him first. Never again would Xue Yang feel weakened and powerless, as long as he knows how to fight. No one can beat him into submission and make his life a living hell. He is his own master now, no one will dare order him around.
Well, except Baoshan Sanren.
“Xue Yang, you are not a monkey, you don’t have time to climb a tree while fighting.” She tells him, her voice even, as she stares at the fight, one day. Xue Yang pouts, and lures one ghost to follow him, and he manages to make it fall into one of the ground caves of the forest, just like he did with Xiao Xingchen. She is not pleased with that decision.
“Get that out, before it poisons the source with resentful energy.” She orders everyone.
The villagers organize themselves and Xiao Xingchen is the one who jumps into the hole to get the monster out. Xue Yang is furious.
“Why not keep it and analyze it? It’s trapped in there, and the water doesn’t connect to any other cave! It’s the perfect sp-”
“We do not analyze resentful energy and spirits. That is demonic cultivation.” Baoshan Sanren replies, firmly, some villagers in the background even wince, at the idea or at the master’s tone, that is not very clear. “We push it back to the border, this is the process, you just have to follow it, not question it.”
“So it can go back to burial mounds and kill some people outside of it?!” Xue Yang yells.
No that he cares about people he doesn’t know about; he really doesn't. Just as much, most people don’t give a damn about the orphans in the street, not even sparing a thought or a prayer. But he wants everyone to hear the hypocrisy behind their actions. Especially Xiao Xingchen. If they don’t kill these ghosts, they are going to attack someone else. And maybe they’re safe in their immortal mountain, but others are not!
Xiao Xingchen, who just got out of the hole, the spirit trapped in a magic pouch, hears that, and for the first time he frowns, worried.
“Master, is it true? I thought Burial mounds were sealed...” he inquires, as the other takes the pouch and goes to empty it at the limit of their barrier, without hesitation.
Baoshan Sanren avoids his eyes, and states:
“They have sects and cultivators outside, they are not as defenseless as you think.”
“Bullshit!” Says Xue Yang. “You have a whole mountain full of cultivators here! Outside people rely on sects, if they don’t pay them they do not get protection! And if they live too far away from it they do not get it either! I know I’ve been living there! Don’t you? Maybe when you were young, the cultivators were all great and noble but they aren’t anymore! How long has it been since you got out exactly?”
This is, apparently, the trigger to annoy Baoshan Sanren. It’s good to know it, for future disputes. Baoshan Sanren grabs him by the collar and drags him all the way up to the mountain in only a few jumps, leaving everyone behind. But she doesn’t go to their home, no, instead she turns and takes them both in front of a gigantic waterfall. There she ties him up to a boulder with spiritual ropes and puts him under the water.
It’s freezing as hell, and Xue Yang can’t scream without getting too much water in his mouth, the force of the water falling on makes him bend his head and he has the impression it will collapse right into its chest.
“You stay there until you’re calmed down; meditate on your tone and words. I don’t want to hear you talk about this ever again.” he manages to vaguely hear, despite the roar of the elements.
Xue Yang decides he will not calm down. He glares at the immortal until she disappears in the mist. If it’s a game of patience, he is going to win it. That’s what he repeats himself for the next few hours. Then when it’s starting to get all dark around he starts counting the seconds. He reaches a point he just...Doesn’t know the number to count further and he panics. He gulps a lot of water when he tries to scream and alert someone he is stuck here.
It’s so damn cold he can’t feel his extremities, and cannot even struggle free of the ropes. Surely...Surely someone will notice he is out in the dead of the night and…
But he is punished. Punished by Baoshan Sanren. And her words here are rules. Are the Truth. They do not question it; they don’t even wonder if it might be wrong! Just like with the spirits they do not suppress. Just like people who wander inside Burial mounds and they do not save. Wise immortal my ass! It’s not fair! She is the one hiding something. Why is he punished for simply stating the obvious? She never punished him that way before, yeah once or twice when he was too insolent she took a stand: no candy, having to meditate or repeat sword drills...But nothing this serious! What he said, it was a spur of the moment accusation, but did he hit bullseye ? Can she still get out of the mountain? If not, why? He has trouble thinking with tons of water hitting his head non-stop. He is tired. He is not sure he is able to stay awake any longer but Xue Yang knows if he loses consciousness here, he is going to drown, or maybe the water will break his neck, or maybe he will die of hypothermia like so many kids in the street during winter. Xue Yang thought he had made his peace with death while living as a streetrat, but he is suddenly very scared. And very angry. He thought the place was safe, Xiao Xingchen told him this place was safe, that he could trust them all! Where are they?
"He is here!"
There’s a rumble around, it’s difficult to be sure, but he thinks he recognizes one of the twin’s voices. Then suddenly Xiao Xingchen’s face enters his vision field and warm hands pull him out of the waterfall, breaking the rope.
“It’s okay, I got you, you’re safe,” the man whispers.
Xue Yang tries to wrap himself against the warm body, but they tear them apart.
"Put him in a blanket and start rubbing his back, we need to warm him up gradually!" A woman says.
***
Xue Yang is not sure what happens next, it’s a bit blurry and confusing. He is not brought back to the dormitory, instead they pinch him until he is in someone’s house, and given soup to eat and a lot of blankets. Xue Yang does not cry, if there is water in his eyes it’s simply the remnants of the waterfall okay?
Still he develops a fever during the night and his whole body hurts like hell, his back, head and neck are covered with purple bruises. Xiao Xingchen is furious; it’s the first time Xue Yang sees such expression on his usually calm face. It does weird things to his stomach and it worsens his fever, he hopes he is not going to throw up on top of everything.
"Rest, Xue Yang," his senior disciple tells him with a pat on his head, and for once, Xue Yang doesn’t feel like biting him back. Instead he smirks and mocks:
"You’re worried about me!"
“Of course I am. You’re my junior after all.”
“You like me.”
Xiao Xingchen sadly smiles at him and doesn’t answer that. Or maybe he does, but Xue Yang is asleep before he can hear it. Which is a pity.
What he will learn later on is that Xiao Xingchen waited for Xue Yang to come back to the dormitory, and having no news of him, started to worry and look for Baoshan Sanren. Whose he did not find. So he went to the village to ask for help, because every child of Baoshan Sanren knew the immortal could sometimes….misjudge the correct amount of time for one’s punishment. They checked every place the Baoshan Sanren could have left him, that’s why it took so long to find Xue Yang.
“You shouldn’t have talked to her like that,” villagers mostly say.
"It’s not her fault, I’m sure she didn’t mean to frighten you like that," explains one of the previous disciples, who is now married and a father of three." Once she forgot me in a closet for three days, it’s Cangse Sanren who freed me out, and when she confronted Baoshan Sanren, she didn’t understand the danger because she thought I could already do inedia… For her I was old enough to survive. "
Xiao Xingchen also shares his anecdote, saying that once, Baoshan Sanren was not satisfied with his sword stance and told him to repeat the same movement until she came back. Except she came back four days later. Xiao Xingchen who had been merely seven years old had been too scared to disappoint his master to move from the training field, except for strict necessities.
Baoshan Sanren, in this case, takes a little bit less time to come back. Apparently she showed up at the waterfall and found the place empty, and then returned to the village’s main place, and asked if anyone had seen Xue Yang, stating she might have lost sight of him.
"You should have seen the way mama screamed at her!" One of the kids tells him. "She scolded her worse than the time I ate her wontons!"
"Really? Really?" Xue Yang regrets not having witnessed that; the old immortal scolded like a child. She certainly deserves it. "And Xiao Xingchen what did he do?”
"Senior Xingchen gave her that look!"
And the little girl mimics the face that Xue Yang likes to call "the blank face of great disappointment." basically, he is giving her the cold shoulder. It’s not as good as screaming at her, but it’s still better than nothing. And he never thought Xiao Xingchen would ever be anything but respectful to his teacher. He caused that; and he is super proud of it. If it forces the older man to question the immortal’s actions then it is worth all the bruises.
But not the damn fever. He is tired of being hot then cold, and shivering and coughing.
The family sheltering him assures Xue Yang they will keep him safe until he recovers; they have to support one another as Baoshan Sanren’s pupils, they say. Apparently it’s something they are used to, rescuing kids that are punished too harshly by their immortal mother. Yet again they repeat she probably didn’t mean it, an excuse that Xue Yang has a hard time to swallow.
“Don’t you say and do things you don’t mean to, when you’re angry?” The mother who is taking care of him says, one day, to protect Baoshan Sanren, once again.
But Xue Yang means every single bit he says when he is angry, and whatever he does he never ever regrets it yet. So he doesn’t get it. He is also very tired of this protection squad around the master. It’s not like she slapped him after a bad word, she put him under a waterfall, for hours. He thought he was going to die!
Baoshan Sanren comes to see him not long after that talk, to give him spiritual energy transfer and help his recovery, she says. Xue Yang already had such sessions with everyone in the village, and it doesn’t work that much because of his tiny golden nugget they don’t dare call a core. But Boashan insists and it might be because she is feeling guilty, so he lets her. They both stay silent the whole time.
It’s hard to look at her in the face and mix the old sad lady that saved him from her ghost girlfriend months ago, and told him about the Xue’s legacy...And the one who dragged him and tied him up under a waterfall, before forgetting him there. He doesn’t know who the real Baoshan Sanren is and what to feel. Is one’s bad action enough to erase one full year of tenderness and care? He doesn’t know, it’s easy to give in and actually let himself believe what everyone says, that she didn’t mean it, that she cares and loves him like a mother would do. Xue Yang doesn’t remember what a mother’s love is like, maybe it’s the same. But it’s just as easy to feel angry and betrayed because he trusted her to never hurt him and she lied and hid things and if she did this once, what’s forbidding her to do it again? He decides anger is the correct answer and he wants to be cheeky and insolent about it, to make her face all this hypocrisy. But he doesn’t know where to start first. He waits for an opportunity and ponders on which one would cause him to be punished again and wich would not, trying to find the perfect limit to annoy the fuck out of the immortal without being in the wrong. So for now he gives her resentful stares and she avoids meeting his eyes. It’s enough.
The silence however, allows him to focus on the energy the immortal passes him through. It’s not the first time she does, she soothes her disciples wounds after rough training sessions. But it feels different. There’s no resentful energy, that he is sure off, but the flow is not as calm as usual. If Xiao Xingchen’s energy feels like a gentle breeze, Baoshan Sanren’s feels like a steady ground. And today, there’s an earthquake.
“What’s wrong with your energy today?” He asks her, noticing the weak spot he has been looking for.
“It’s always like that when resentful beings are breaching the barriers.” She replies, after a short hesitation.
Xue Yang frowns. Is that why she does not fight them and leave that to her disciples? Because she can’t? She seems to get what he is thinking because she immediately answers:
“This does not affect my ability to fight.”
Then what does this mean? Xue Yang doesn’t know enough about cultivation to get it. The only possible explanation he might have is Qi deviation, because this is an umbrella term that means “your spiritual energy went shit” for him. But he is not sure and the fear takes him by surprise, especially after everything that has happened and what she did to him
“Are you going to die?”
“Eventually all beings die.” She answers, still not looking at him in the eyes.
“I thought the point of being an immortal was like; not dying!”
She nods, but doesn’t explain much else. He is about to snap back at her, when Xiao Xingchen enters the bedroom. He definitely wears the great face of disappointment right now and he locks the door behind him.
“Master,” he says, his voice cold. “I talked with Xiao Chan, she thinks Xue Yang’s cough needs medicine that we do not have and cannot produce in time. Since he has no golden core yet, we cannot heal him like we would do for a cultivator.”
Did he eavesdrop on them, Xue Yang wonders; is he trying to force Baoshan Sanren to leave the mountain and prove Xue Yang’s theory? The boy can’t help but stare and gape at his senior. Will he survive such an act of duplicity?
Baoshan Sanren sighs: “You are not very good at lying, Xiao Xingchen, did you forget that I’m the one who taught Xiao Chan how to heal? I can tell Xue Yang’s cough will pass without such herbs.”
“I did not lie, she did say it would help him heal faster with the herbs” Xiao Xingchen states.
“Why prolong his suffering?”
“By the time I get those herbs and come back, he will be cured. I would have made the trip for naught.” She answers.
Oh gods, this is so infuriating, can’t she make it any less obvious that she does not want to set a foot out of her damn mountain? Not even for Xue Yang’s sake? He feels so angry at her right now, she didn’t even say sorry either! The very least she could do is to say sorry! It wouldn’t be enough but it would still be a start!
“Master, if you cannot go out of the mountain, I can.” Insists Xiao Xingchen. “Or anyone else, you can rely on us. We could go buy some herbs and comes back before-”
“You cannot go.” She states, her voice cold.
“I know the rules, but surely we can make an exception for such matt—”
“You cannot go!”
Baoshan Sanren rises to her feet, and her voice echoes in the locked bedroom, like a roar. Her face is tight with a cold anger that is reflected back on Xiao Xingchen’s face. It is said that only Cangse Sanren managed to make the wise Baoshan Sanren scream, and Xue Yang had been trying to do the same. Yet the one who succeeds right now is the kind and calm Xiao Xingchen. No one would have betted on it. He looks slightly ill at his exploit too.
“Why?” He asks. “Why are you so against us leaving the mountain? I get it that the outside world hurt you Master, I do! But—”
“And it will hurt you too if you leave again!”
Xue Yang doesn’t miss that word: again. But he is the only one in the room who does, Xiao Xingchen, does not scream back at his Master, his voice remains calm and composed, even though he is anything but that:
“You don’t know that—”
“I know ! If you go down this mountain, you will come back to me with your heart broken and blind to the truth that the world outside is not worth your time! No matter how much you struggle, no matter how many friends you’ll get, they will all die before you and their children will make every single mistake you manage to protect their parents from doing. Humans repeats this circle of deaths and errors again and again—”
Xue Yang is tired of hearing her bullshit and being ignored, and most of all he does not want to see the heartbroken expression on Xiao Xingchen anymore, so he does what his martial brother doesn’t dare to do. He screams, insolent and louder:
“Maybe you should go under the waterfall! Meditate on your tone and words until you’re calmed down!”
His words stop Baoshan Sanren dead in her tracks, like she has just been hit by thunder. She turns her face in the direction of Xue Yang and sends him an expression that is so hard to read; it reminds him of that night she shared the secret about the Iron Yin. It’s so vulnerable and so, so human. The wise immortal the whole world worships is nowhere to be seen; but again, she made it obvious she doesn’t care about the world anymore. If Xue Yang is completely insensible to it, it is not the case of Xiao Xingchen, who takes a step closer.
“Master, whatever plagues your mind, whatever you know-”
“What I know?”
She lets out a dry giggle.
“What I know is that the outside world slaughtered again the only defense they had against the Iron Yin.”
She takes a step forward, her eyes turning colder and colder after every word.
“What I know is that if you leave this mountain you’re as good as dead.” She tells Xiao Xingchen. She does not turn to Xue Yang as she continues:
“What I know is that if I leave this mountain to try to stop this, the barrier around the village will grow weaker and weaker, until it will completely collapse and you’ll all be engulfed into burial mounds and die. I am the only protection you have against this fate, I am the only one with enough energy to feed off this hidden place and even my spiritual energy is not enough! Here I keep you alive, I give you food and shelter and protection and all I ask of you in exchange is to not leave the mountain and obedience, yet you’re not even able to do that! I'm tired of losing my family to protect the world from itself! I would rather let it die like it deserves: it is only you reaping what they sowed... They had been warned. They knew but they didn’t care! And now you are warned too! Leave if you want, like Cangse did but do not come back crying to me ever again!”
Before they can ask her what she means, she pulls out a talisman and with one step forward, she disappears, not caring about the locked door or his deadpanned disciples. She is, after all, an immortal, why would she care about such earthly matters?
***
They do not leave the mountain. Of course. But they do not return to the dormitory either. Baoshan Sanren locked herself in her own room, pouting. It’s been a week or two. It’s hard to say, Xue Yang used to do a little carving on sticks to count the passage of time, but with his sickness, he skipped a few days and now he isn’t sure how long time has passed. In both more senses than one; Baoshan Sanren’s words ring still in his ears. Again, she said. Again! Is this the delusion of an old crazy immortal, the fear of a seer, or the truth? Are they, yet again, in a new timeline, the world fractured and rewinded by the Iron Yin?
He doesn’t know because she shut herself up.
“What a big baby, she is throwing a tantrum” Xue Yang comments.
Xiao Xingchen doesn’t agree, but he doesn’t defend his Master either. Which says a lot. He has been ruminating about her words since the confrontation. The monsters breaching the barrier are finally lessening too. Which probably means that whatever their immortal mother is doing, it’s affecting the barrier.
The barrier. Xiao Xingchen can’t help but wonder about it too. He asked around the village, and they did say that whenever Baoshan Sanren left the mountains to wander, years ago, they had to face monsters breaching the barrier on a regular basis. But they always worked it out, they told him. After all, aren’t they the students of the immortal? Even if not all of them are cultivators, they all have enough knowledge to survive any attack.
“It has been years since we lost someone after a resentful being sneaked in,” one the twin says.
“When did this happen?” Xiao Xingchen inquires.
“Hm, before you arrived.” He frowns and precises: “Actually I think it’s the trip when she brought you in! Damn, she was gone for such a long time, at first we thought we had this under control, but then five monsters breached the barrier in a very short time. We got completely overwhelmed and it’s only because Cangse Sanren came up with a plan that we pulled it through. Except it was kind of a temporary solution, she trapped them like little Xue Yang did last time and the plan was to let them fight each other to the death since we couldn’t get them. But one monster just ate the others and grew even stronger, strong enough to escape the trap and…”
He pauses and winces.
“Well we lost ten people. Baoshan Sanren came back just in time to save the day and she scolded Cangse Sanren like there was no tomorrow. Apparently what she had done was very close to demonic cultivation, even though she didn’t manipulate resentful energy, the principle itself of using resentful beings is against the right path…”
Xue Yang frowns, and thinks the rule is stupid. What the heck was she supposed to do then? Let themselves be killed because that’s the righteous thing to do, the good path to follow? Bullshit. Xiao Xingchen looks like he took a bite of a sour lemon, feeling guilty, so the twin’s wife intervenes:
“Don’t worry A-Chen, it’s not your fault, you were nothing but a babe! And you should have seen you, such a cute little baby!” She pinches his cheeks like he is still a toddler and Xue Yang can’t help but snort at his undignified face.
So how does it feel to be treated like this? Ha! Serves him right!
“Honestly, Baoshan Sanren was just in a sour mood to begin with when she came back. A clan had been mercilessly slaughtered in the outside world and I think she had some friends among them. She must have felt awful not being there to save them. And then she came back and she couldn’t save ten of us either.”
Xue Yang’s brain works fast, and so does Xiao Xingchen’s, they both asks at the same time:
“Was the clan being slaughtered the Xue?”
“Was it the last time she ever left the mountain?”
They look at each other, surprised by the other’s questions. Both make sense. Unfortunately they get no clear answer from the other villagers. No one knows the name of the clan slaughtered, they didn’t ask further as it obviously hurt Baoshan Sanren. As for leaving; it’s hard to tell, as the immortal often disappears and pouts like she is doing right now; who knows what she does during those times? She might go away and no one would be aware of it. What they can say however is that Xiao Xingchen is the last kid she ever brought up from the outside world.
Maybe Xiao Xingchen is a Xue clan survivor, much like Xue Yang? This inquisitive thought bothers Xue Yang more than he is willing to admit; even though he does believe Xiao Xingchen would make a better Xue than him. But then, again Boashan Sanren did say to Xue Yang he is the only survivor. And she also hadn’t shared anything to Xiao Xingchen about the Iron Yin—except this very brief mention when she scolded them. All the guy knows about it’s what Xue Yang told him while searching for the Xue clan’s information. Just like Xiao Xingchen, who didn’t want to force Baoshan Sanren to share her secret unless hiding it caused harm, the immortal has principles. Weird principles, but still. She would have told Xiao Xingchen of his legacy if he was a Xue.
She has too, otherwise it means Xue Yang and him are not martial brothers but maybe brothers and it sucks. He would rather not have him act all defensive and kind with him because they are siblings. He wants him to be that way because he feels like it.
Xiao Xingchen is a million miles away from such a dilemma. He supervises Xue Yang’s training in their master’s absence, and, everytime he has time for himself, he asks around...Even spends many nights in the library, trying to figure out what he can do for the barrier. It takes him many hours of sleepless nights before he has enough material to come up with a theory:
The spell that separates the village with the outside world consumes a lot of spiritual energy at random times. It cannot draw its power from its outskirts like normal wards, or it would drain the whole place and turn it into a deserted and dead land in a matter of a few years. Such enormous quantities of spiritual power—not Qi but transformed and purified energy, which means it has to come from a core, and worst of all a core of earth element affinity. It’s, in theory, only accessible from outrealm beings. Maybe it’s even the spell that is used to separate the three realms of gods and demons in the master’s stories. An immortal golden’s core has an immense reserve to it, but it’s not bottomless. Normally it would be okay, as a golden core converts energy and stocks it, Baoshan Sanren could restore the energy she spends on the barrier and reach an equilibrium. Unless...the barrier has started requiring more energy than she can produce and keep. Then it would be very much like filling a bathtub that has a tiny hole in it. Maybe the hole had been there since the beginning, so tiny the loss was barely noticeable, but then it grew larger and larger until it let out as much water as you're adding—or in the worst case scenario more water than you can pour in, even...
Maybe Baoshan Sanren knew about it and didn’t care. But Xiao Xingchen doubts it. He thinks that Baoshan Sanren realized the danger that day, years ago, when she came back with him. That’s why she stopped wandering. Maybe she thought the proximity would assure a constant, regular flow of energy that would stabilize it. Maybe she is trying to mend the barrier since then?
“She said she was saving strength,” tells Xue Yang when he shares his discovery with the boy.
“She didn’t say for what, but what if it’s for that?”
How much longer can it last before Baoshan Sanren reaches the end of her stamina? Before the whole barrier falls and the village is engulfed by burial mounds? Xiao Xingchen doesn’t know. He lacks samples, numbers and information to do the calculations. When he examines the barrier it seems fine.
But it’s not, and now he knows. This solution is temporary at best. One day they will have to go out of seclusion and return to the outside world. But how? The burial mounds separate them from it; it is deadly to cultivators, sending them into qi deviation almost immediately, and so full of corpses that going through it without knowing cultivation is suicide. The lake can only allow two persons at the time to pass…Then it’s sealed for days before another can do it again. It’s a protection against intruders, that way if someone ever witnessed a stranger going through the portal, they wouldn’t be able to follow through. It is useful for remaining hidden but detrimental in an evacuation scenario.
Despite his master’s words, Xiao Xingchen is not that naive. He had the opportunity to hear Xue Yang’s stories about the world, he has seen how it has hurt Baoshan Sanren, in a way time makes the wound fester and not any better. He knows it is not friendly. He knows there is no place here like the village he grew up in, where blood bonds and who you love matters not.
But, then, maybe he is that naive, because he thinks that, if such a place doesn’t exist there, maybe they can go out and build it with their own two hands.
It seems better than waiting for death, doesn’t it?
Notes:
...I hope you liked this chapter !
Sorry for all Xue Yang's fans, he didn't have a very good time during this chapter and what happened to him can be seen as child abuse, even though i assure you it is not what Baoshan Sanren's intention to hurt him...The result is still there. Her confrontation with Xiao Xingchen at the end is also borderline abusive.
Fraudulent_Moose while correcting it told me "she sounds like mother gothel in rapunzel" and i cannot express how much i love this movie and how Mother gothel is portrayed because it is the closest to realist abusive relationship disney provided us in my opinion.
I know many of you love Baoshan Sanren, and i do too, but it was important for me to show this side of her, that depsite having the best intentions at heart, she can be merciless and abusive, as shown at the beginning of the story with her letter to Cangse Sanren and a little bit in canon (with how she healed Song Lan)
Next chapter is a surprise pov ;) You had a lot of Xue Yang, a tiny bit of Xiao Xingchen, who's left in the mountain ? Hope you'll like it !
Oh it's been a while but i have a question for you ; i already told you that i made a family tree for this fic that i will share with you at the end of first part. Do you feel the need for a chronology too ? I can definitely try making one and give it to you at the end of first part too. It's up to you ^^ (Though if i do a chronology don't expect REAL number on it, i like you all dear readers, but i'm not doing math for you -mostly because there's 99% chance i make a math mistake. I can read, i can write i can draw, but i can't math sorry).
Have a nice day, see you on friday !
Chapter 79: Baoshan Sanren's recollections
Notes:
Hi everyone !!
You know what's very funny? Looking at the chapter you have finsihed, that has been ready for about a week and think " I don't like the end" then go screaming to Fraudulent_Moose like a big baby because "i don't like the end of the chapter i want to rewrite it, please read it and tell me if you think it's necessary". Then having Fraudulent_moose kindly say "i don't see any problem with the chapter, do you want to talk about it so you can figure out what's wrong?" and my brain going "i'm gonna rewrite it and you'll chose the verison you like better" the very night before publishing the chapter. ...in the end the chapter got slipt into too because of course the passage i rewrote was twice as long as before and so the chapter was way too big. And i still don'y know if i will go for this one or the last one. Writing is FUN =D
(It's true, writing is fun, my brain however, is not fun and if i could kick its ass without hurting myself i would)
Anyways enough ramble, this was my excuse for the chapter being published so late. So very sorry, it's entirely my fault for doubting myself and not finding a Baoshan Sanren's voice that satisfied me. I hope you'll like this chapter though, i do liked this part ^^
Previous chapter summary (previously on...) --> On the immortal mountain, monsters passed through the barrier more and more. Xue Yang experienced his first combat as a cultivator...And it went very poorly. Not because he got hurt by the monster, mind you...but because he angered Baoshan Sanren with his actions and questions. The immortal punished him for his insolence and disobedience by putting him under a waterfall...And forgetting completely about him. He survived thanks to Xiao Xingchen and the villagers' intervention, all of them too used to their immortal mother's habbit to...lose track of time. The incident made Xiao Xingchen thinks further baout his master's secrets, and he confronted her about it with Xue Yang when she came back. That's how he learned that not only the barrier protecting them is tied to Baoshan Sanren's core, but it is also too hungry in spiritual power. The immortal doesn't dare leave the mountain because she has to feed it off continouisly and even her gigantic stamina isn't enough yet! The barrier will fall at this rate and since they are on Burial mounds, they will be swallowed by resnetment the moment it will. In front of such problem, and after investigating about it, Xiao Xingchen realizes that leaving the mountain and build their village elsewhere mught be their only salvation...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Master!”
Baoshan Sanren freezes at the familiar voice, this is the only warning she gets before a young Cansge Sanren throws herself on her back, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. The weight is both strangely light and familiar.
“Cangse,” she says, smiling at her student’s antics. “How many times did I tell you to not jump from your sword on to me?”
Cangse Sanren laughs if off; “I don’t know but I guess it’s one more to the count now!”
Baoshan Sanren moves swiftly, in one fluid movement she manages to Cangse Sanren from her back to her arms, in the front. It’s not that hard, as the girl doesn’t struggle at all, and shrieks in delight instead. She is too old to be this childish; even though looking at her, Baoshan Sanren would be incapable to tell how old she is in this memory. She is a teen, very close to the age she left, the immortal realizes, and her heart sinks in her chest. Unaware of this, Cangse Sanren grins widely and lift her arms pleading:
“Help me get back up! Come one; throw me up! Up! ”
Baoshan Sanren looks up and sees the sword circling above them, with a few disciples waiting, both amused and annoyed. Ah. She remembers that day. She doesn’t like this dream, but she expected to have nightmares after her conversation with Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen. She just thought she would relive the moment Xiao Xingchen left the mountain in the previous timeline. Or worse: the day he came back begging her to heal his friend’s eyes. In a sense she is lucky. It could be worse. But it’s not because worse is happening that it is good either.
“Once you’re up, do not jump from your sword again and focus on the talisman lesson, okay?” She tells Cangse Sanren. her dream body says.
“Of course!” The girls lie.
Just like it always happens when Baoshan Sanren recollects the past, her body moves on her own, and she throws her student up, with a salto the girl is back on her weapon. The purpose of this session had been to teach every single one to fight in midair; especially using talismans, writing them and throwing them without losing altitude or control. Sometimes the creature breaching the barrier takes the form of a bird or, when it is the resentful ghost of a cultivator, can fly. It is important to be prepared.
It happens just like in her memory, as she walks on the ground, giving off instructions, she feels the pang in her heart and her spiritual beast, a little golden sparrow, surges from the sky, landing on her shoulder.
A kid by her side gasps; it is the first time she witnesses the appearance of the small creature. She is too young to participate in the lesson in the sky, and will, unfortunately, never reach that age. She dies in a few days. Baoshan Sanren fights the lump in her throat, as she kneels down and lets the shy girl touch the bird’s feathers.
“What is it?” She asks.
“A spiritual beast.”
“Can I have one too?”
She could have had a spiritual creature, through regular means. There are several ways for this: normally, to have a spiritual beast, you have to adopt it. The creature usually comes from a long line of spiritual beasts which leave only the bonding and education part to his master cultivator. But here, on the mountain? They do not have that. Maybe, if the girl had lived, she would have started it. But she did not. Another chance to get a pet would be to capture a creature, a plant or an object that has started cultivation and developing a consciousness, taming it. There is none inside the barrier, and outside, it is more often than not a monster that had been tainted by resentful energy, which meant that bonding with them would be demonic cultivation. So the only chance left to have a spiritual beast would be to capture a bird in the wild and start feeding him a bit of spiritual energy everyday; in ten years, she would have a connection, just like she would have with a sword or tool. The creature would develop a spirit, a consciousness, and have its life span tied to hers.
But a sparrow like Baoshan Sanren’s? It is impossible. The bird, much like the barrier, is born from her own golden core. Born in a time that has been long lost; it is the only memory from her first life, in a sense: the only tangible proof that she hasn’t turned crazy. And its existence had been a mistake in the first place; Baoshan Sanren’s goal had not been to give birth to a tiny bird, but a child. A high level cultivator, someone who has reached the 5th pillar or more, could use their golden core to give life, in theory. The immortal had given up on the idea to build a family, due to her preferences, she thought she had buried this desire before she cleaned Burial Mounds, and took disciples instead. Then she met Lan Yi, and grieved this possibility even more, until her soulmate showed her that text. You could have a child on your own, and we could raise it together, Lan Yi had said, caressing her wrist, where the Lan Ribbon had once been tied. And then I will reach the 5th pillar too, and have one of my own. A child born from a cultivator’s golden core is very similar to its “mother”, it is said, almost a copy of themselves. Baoshan Sanren hadn’t been sure this is what she wanted—but maybe given time, maybe if they dual cultivated and mixed their energy, maybe—she got lulled by those dreams. She tried, and her body reacted to her doubts when her mind tried to ignore it. She didn’t manage to form a child, but this tiny golden sparrow instead.
Lan Yi adored it anyways, and simply said that it was okay, that they could try another time, when they both felt ready; that they had all the time in the world for this.
They didn’t.
In this memory, Baoshan Sanren still used her spiritual beast regularly, to spy on the outside world. She has stopped that by now, preferring to save energy to protect her home. The little beast hasn’t disappeared, as it would truly do only at Baoshan Sanren’s death, but it is sleeping, nesting somewhere. Very much like her body is doing in the real world right now: appearing to meditate to everyone looking; all her body’s functions are cut down to focus solely on cultivation and converting energy and gather enough for the barrier. She has to do this often, to feed the wards, everytime she feels resentment, to avoid weakening the barrier and letting ghosts breach in. She prefers choosing the moment she goes into such a state, but doesn’t always have such luxury. Randomly, when the barrier requires it, it pulls her in. The dreams are an unfortunate side effect of that state which she still hasn’t found a way to eliminate. Though could it be called a dream, truly? Dreams aren’t supposed to be logical or this accurate. It is more like memories. She remains in stasis for as long as the memory lasts, usually. She tells herself it is worth it, if it means that she can feed the wards a couple of years longer. When she faces one of her students that left, one of her students that died, and the little sparrow she loves so much, it is harder to listen to reason, though.
In the recollection, her spiritual beast chirps in alarm. Back then Baoshan Sanren had no idea what was causing its panics, the spiritual beast is linked to many places and has been raised to alert her if anything happened to either of those. And unfortunately, Cangse Sanren choses this exact moment to be a troublemaker.
One of her seniors had made a mistake writing its talisman and so, it didn’t work, more curious than reliable, the teenage girl had flown to him and inspected his work. Only to smile and state: “Oh your mistake is interesting! It could almost works...I wonder what it would do if we just do that—”
“That” being a stroke on the wrong character, which resulted in a blast of wind that sent every single disciple flying all over the place. Some end up in trees, one in the lake, another is stuck in the waterfall and the last one is on a roof with broken bones. Baoshan Sanren has to spend the next hour picking up every single one of them and mending their wounds, while scolding Cangse Sanren.
“How many times have I told you to test your idea before doing it? There are process steps, made to protect yourself from failed attempts.” She tells, for the hundredth time.
Cangse Sanren who has a few bruises because landing is not her forte, but mostly made it out fine because she is unfairly talented—or lucky—crosses her arms.
“Yeah yeah, I know but it would take forever to find out what it did with your way, and my way we know it in like, one second?”
She said the same thing when she blew up a column that was a hundred years old.
Baoshan Sanren doesn’t know what to do to make her understand, so she punishes the girl by making her take responsibility. She puts her in charge to help every single disciple, to get them to the doctor if they need to and retrieve their weapons. In the meantime she follows the sparrow that is getting annoyingly insistent.
“What is it?” She asks the bird, the little creature pecks her skin, and it leads her to the library in a hurry. There, Baoshan Sanren draws the enchanted map, and the sparrow lands on one spot. Her past self’s face turns white. It is the place where she found Cangse Sanren; the spot where the Yin Iron is hidden in the Wen territory.
It is where the Xue Clan is slaughtered today.
Baoshan Sanren feels tired; if only, if only the Yin iron had brought her back this far, maybe she would have been able to do something like the first time. But it didn’t. Instead she was brought back again, with all her memory and no explanation, and not even far enough to save the Xue. Cangse Sanren had already left the mountain, it was years after the massacre. This event is stuck in the past, inalterable now.
Still the immortal feels her dream body fret in panic, and draws the shortening-distance array on the ground in a hurry. Later, she will regret doing so—among many other things—because when Cangse Sanren comes back to look for her—and tell her she finished her task—she will find the array and smart as she is, start studying it “in secret”. But this version of the immortal doesn’t know, doesn’t care yet, she appears a mile away from the hidden place of the Yin Iron, her little sparrow leading the way.
Unfortunately she has wasted too long with her disciples and arrives way too late. The ground is brown with dried blood, corpses are everywhere. They all probably wore different robe colors once upon a time; green, purple, red, yellow, even white, but now they are all united in death. She runs to the red flower field, hoping to find some survivors there, who might have hid, taken advantage of the plants’ scent to protect themselves from cultivators... There are none. She finds more bodies, many were stabbed through, from a lower point, by a short opponent; a child? The thought still makes Baoshan Sanren shiver today, even though she knows by now that they slaughtered everyone, elders, women, and children alike.
There is no one to save, here, and so Baoshan Sanren heads to the hidden cave, where she knows the Iron Yin is. But it is not here anymore.
Instead she finds the current Xue Sect Leader lying on the ground in the cave, in the middle of a bloody array. She is not familiar with his face, as she barely interacted with him (unlike with his ancestor and the florist) but she recognizes the way the robe is cut. He is dead, of course. The saber wound on his back was fatal, it went through his stomach and cut his intestines. It must have taken long for him to die, and it must have hurt a lot. Yet surprisingly his body emits no resentful energy at all; unlike the array on the ground. She doesn’t recognize it at first glance, but it looks like a curse. A very bad one. She deciphers some words but it is an alteration of the last-will curse on one’s killer. She would need time to fully understand it. It seems to target all those who wish for the death of the Xue (such a strange choice of words), but the details of what it will do to them and how it detects such things is unclear. Curses are not Baoshan Sanren’s speciality, it is the Xue’s. She is good at making barriers. Baoshan Sanren doesn’t waste much time on it as she realizes that there are two writing in this array, but only one body: someone is alive. The priority for Baoshan Sanren is definitely to track down the survivor and get to the bottom of this. She could always return and examine the curse later, she thinks.
But she is wrong, when she returns to the cave, the array will be too damaged to be read again because of some kind stranger who cleaned the battlefield and started to bury the body without caring about the bloody scripture stepped on while doing so.
Instead of doing what’s right, she asks her spiritual beast to fly high and watch, while she tries to track back the survivor. if they participated in the curse making, they should leave a trail of resentment behind. But the whole place is overwhelmed by it already ; between the innocent slaughtered, the intent of the perpetrators who were killed, and the Iron yin’s presence : it is a mess. The poppy field is not helping, trying to dissipate it, in vain : the whole energy is being syphoned by the array, powering it, enhancing the nasty curse.
She really should have stayed, memorized it and destroyed it, thinks Baoshan Sanren from the present. But she didn’t, and the memory is blurry in this dream, indecipherable. It does not give her another chance to know now.
The sparrow comes back and she follows it a few miles, until she ends up in a camp, or what is left of one. Even cattle had been killed, the river was overflowing, dragging some carcasses that had been left to rot in the mud. It is the caravan of merchants who sheltered the Xue for so many years. This is what their good deed earned them. And the Baoshan Sanren of the dream is overwhelmed by the memories of the previous timeline, of her first disciple’s actions that had the exact same consequences, the corpses only wearing different faces. It is happening again, she thinks, it is happening and last time she lost everything, the boy she raised, her soulmate, her home, her happiness…
“I let that happen again Lan Yi. You would be so disappointed in me.” Baoshan Sanren whispers in the midst of the destruction.
But the Lan Yi she loves is no more, she cannot be happy, nor angry, even less disappointed in anything. Not anymore. The knowledge hurts just as much as before. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, and Baoshan Sanren wonders how long she will have to wait for her to fade. Someday she wishes with all her heart for it to be gone, so she could move on and remember the good days with her soulmate fondly. But most of the time she clings to this pain as if it is the ghost of her loved one, pleads it to stay beside her just a little longer, as it is the very proof of what they shared and had in this new timeline.
She touches her wrist, that is free of any Lan ribbon once again, and it hurts that their marriage ceremony exists only in her head, now. Could she have done anything to save her? Could she have done something to save the Xue a second time? She still has no clue how. Not 20 years later, not 100 years later. Sometimes Baoshan Sanren doubts she ever truly saved anyone, instead of just, delaying the inevitable. As she ponders on her powerless state when she is one of the strongest cultivators in this realm, her dream self spots someone approaching in the chaos.
It is a person that has once been dressed in pure white, but is now drenched in blood. He is checking every corpse in the vicinity, moving it to see if they are protecting anyone underneath their cold bodies, holding their wrist to look for a pulse. Baoshan Sanren walks to him, as a moth is drawn to a flame, all too happy to find someone who is at the very least in the same mindset as her: looking for a survivor. But as she draws close, she sees the stranger’s face. It takes an awful lot of time for her to recognize it, as it is the one of a crying man, not of the smiling woman she once met. It doesn’t make sense, she might have lost her sense of time because of the first time-travel caused by the Iron Yin, but she is sure that this person should be old or dead. They were by Lan Yi’s side, back then. This is the person she left to supervise the Xue Clan and protect them after the Lan Yi—not the one she loves, but the one she raised—ran away with a piece of the Iron Yin, trying to master it. and failed.
And yet, here they are, alive, when the Xue are no more. It would have been okay for them to be dead; natural, even. But they are not, and that means they failed at their mission, it means they are at least a little bit responsible for this. The anger overwhelms the Baoshan Sanren of the dream, and the present one wonders, as she feels the surge of resentment, if this is it, if this is the sign that the barrier broke in her mountain and she missed it.
“Why are they all dead?!” The immortal screams in the middle of the battlefield. “They were supposed to be safe! To stay hidden! No one should have known about them! You were supposed to make sure of that!”
The person in front of her closes his eyes, his jaw clenching, and she notices his sacred ribbon, one of the tails cut short and bloodied.
“Wise immortal, you surely know that nothing can remain a secret forever. Someone heard about them.”
They close the eye of the next corpse with deference as he continues, their voice wavering:
“The one of the main family Nie girls is courting the Wen heir, and she heard about a deal the Wen Sect leader was trying to make with the Xue, apparently. You know a piece of the iron Yin cannot fall into one of Wen Mao’s descendants, or they will go mad. So the sects acted together to prevent it.”
“This is not some kind of prophecy—” Baoshan Sanren protests.
“No, if it was only that, maybe they would have listened to reason, but it is more than that, it is a curse, the very same that runs through the vein of the Xue. It is as inevitable as the sun rising every day. They had to come up with a solution.”
Baoshan Sanren knows this, but it is still as infuriating as back then. The whole cultivation world united and this is the solution they came up with:
“And their solution is killing them all? Including the innocent merchants sheltering them?!” Baoshan Sanren opens her arms, embracing the whole mess, the death around, the innocents, the pain everything, and she thinks again this is what I'm protecting? For these people I dedicated my whole life? I saved them so they could make this decision?
It is for this damn timeline that her Lan Yi was erased? The whole deal burns of unfairness, even years later.
“Now there’s no one managing the Iron Yin! And I can’t find the missing piece! All the knowledge of their clan, their books, their history, where it is? Who took it?!”
The Lan in front of her sighs, his shoulders slumping:
“We—”
“Who are you talking for? The Xue? The Lan?”
The man closes his eyes and bites his lips.
“I belong to the Lan Clan and so I speak for them. We don’t know. Not us. Their cultivation is too close to demonic cultivation, it is unrighteous, so we didn’t claim it.”
“Because this is righteous?!” Baoshan yells.
“Is there even a right or a wrong path in these kinds of situations? I’m not fit to make that decision! They agreed that it was the less dangerous option, and I—”
“And you let them do it? I gave you the duty to protect them, to be their watcher, their moral compass so what happened to your Lan Yi would never happen again!”
“My loyalty must be to my clan, first and foremost,” he says his voice even.
“Your clan doesn’t even accept who you truly are! But the Xue gave you a home and a family!”
“I know,” they sob, their voice breaking.
They close their eyes, as if not seeing the immortal would also make her accusation disappear too. As if he could erase all the blood and wrong that was done tonight. But he can’t, and Baoshan Sanren neither and that drives her crazy. So much power, so many years of training, a restrained and rigorous lifestyle, all of this for not even being able to matter in the end? What is the point of all of this?
“Where were you when they tried to make that deal with the Wen? Why didn’t you stop them? Why didn’t you try to prevent it? Where were you when the sects assembled and decided to march? On which side did you stand?”
“I tried! But neither side wanted to listen! ” The Lan roars back, his eyes red. “Where were you ? Surely, they would have listened to you better than me! ”
And the question rings in Baoshan Sanren’s head, just like the first time. I was in the mountain, I was training my disciples, she wants to say. But it is no excuse. She wasn’t there. But she is now, or at least she was there, back then. So Baoshan Sanren, in the dream, turns back, not wanting to see the face of another powerless fool that betrayed her trust, and starts looking at the corpses just like him. As she moves farther away, the Lan tells her:
“One of the merchants said, before he died, that...one of his kids wasn’t there during the attack...Maybe—If you find—”
Because life prevails over death, she drops the subject. Baoshan Sanren ignores the Lan, furious. She looks everywhere for hours for the kid, or the one behind the array, or anyone that might still breathe, and he does much the same, at the opposite side, ignoring each other. At one point she hears him jump into the river to get the corpses out. When it starts to rain, washing away all the blood, she enters what is left of the tents. It’s a tiny wail that gets her attention, it’s muffled but strong still, it echoes the sentiment in her heart. That’s where she finds him, both parents protecting him with their body, piling up on the ground and yet arching just enough to give their precious son enough air to breath, even in death. Baoshan Sanren has seen countless similar scenes, and yet it breaks her heart every single time, as she takes the baby in her arms. It’s a little boy, and he managed to make himself sick, feverish and red from head to toe.
Baoshan Sanren of the dream thinks that this must be the kid that the Lan is looking for, and then thinks again because the boy clearly has his parents right here, and he is in no condition to leave the clan on his own and be absent during the attack. She also remembers the vicious rage that made her leave the place and go to the nearest village, to find a wet nurse and enough medicine to get this crisis under control. Her little sparrow flies above the place for several days, looking for survivors, while she investigates for the Iron Yin, trying to identify if one of the clan that attacked departed with it. But it is soon evident that none of them did. The words spread that the Xue Clan had been slaughtered by rogues, not sects, and people around rejoice, ignorant of what it means. Some good souls reunite in the slaughtering place and bury the dead. It is either because they feel sorry for the slaughtering or because they are afraid of a battlefield full of rotten corpses. She sees the Lan there again, and people thank the righteous clan for their help. But Baoshan Sanren doesn’t, she sees no greatness in his actions as he allowed this massacre to take place in her opinion. One of the benevolent is a teenage girl that must be as old as Cangse Sanren, she is way more courageous than the Lan. She seems hurt but refuses to let the immortal examine her. She drops down after a full day of work and Baoshan Sanren gives her some money too so she can take a good meal. She nods and comes back the next day. And again. Until all that is left of the Xue clan is a graveyard.
Baoshan Sanren leaves soon after that, with the little baby in her arms. She returns to her celestial mountain, not wanting to have anything to do with humanity anymore and cherish the little family she managed to build despite it. What greets her at her return is exactly the same landscape she left behind: death and destruction.
Three of her children perished because of the barrier’s failure ( her failure). Two tried to go by the lake portal and when that didn’t work, they pushed through the limit of the ward and disappeared into Burial mounds, never returning. The five others died fighting the resentful creature that emerged from one of Cangse Sanren’s brilliant plans to contain the threat.
“How many times did I tell you to test out your ideas before using it!” Baoshan Sanren screams at the teenage girl.
“There was no time for testing! You weren’t there, I had to do something! ” The girl yells back, and the words hit too close to home, too much too soon.
Now that she is witnessing it from a safe distance, in a dream, Baoshan Sanren can see the red eyes of her disciple and the weakness in her voice. But the immortal of the dream only sees the desperate smile the teen tries to keep on her face, like a bravado, like this could still be fixed. But human life once lost cannot be fixed! And it angers her even more. This is a serious moment, a grave mistake and she doesn’t listen. She never listens!
“What you’ve done is demonic cultivation! It can only end in disaster!”
“I know that now, but I didn't know back then!”
“Yet once again it is others who pay the price for your mistakes!”
Cangse Sanren runs away from her, her head low to hide her face. Later, Baoshan Sanren will go to the dormitory and comfort her, patting her back and telling her she tried her best in a desperate situation that had no possible good outcome. She will be whispering that now that the girl knows, she will not make the same mistake again, and that is the best way to apologize to the dead. But those words are familiar, and sound as fake as when she tells it to herself. It sounds like what the Lan tried to do. It sounds hypocritical and not enough. Unfortunately the dream doesn’t go this far, it ends when she finishes burying the dead and thinks that she is tired of digging tombs and cleaning graveyards.
Notes:
So because of my brain, you'll have another chapter about Baoshan Sanren, Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen on Tuesday. But promise after we go back to Lotus Pier. I might publish you a missing scene this week end with the babies, and the Lan healers though. I make no promise but this might happen. And if it does, i hope you'll like it ^^
Also in this whole chapter exists thanks to Fraudulent_Moose, because i went to him and asked "I have a dilemma ; i'm preparing the Lan arc during the timeskip and i'm wondering if i should make Lan teacher appear before the Lan's story, because you know pre-existence rule, or if i should introduice him only during the Lan arc. if i do that it might change the narration and -conversation cut because spoilers-." And he agreed with me thatfollowing pre-existence rule was the best in this situation.
So yeah, Lan teacher's debut ! I'm curious about what you're thinking of him.
And also About Boashan Sanren's spiritual beast.
And also Cangse Sanren's surprise guest appearance ;)Anyways, see you all on tuesday, thank you so much for reading this story, have a nice week end !
Chapter 80: Baoshan Sanren’s fear
Notes:
Hello everyone !
I hope you're all doing well. I have nothing to say today, except thank you for last chapter's comments, you're the best as always <3 And I hope you'll like this re-wrote last minute chapter as much as I do x)Previous chapter summary (previously on...) -->Baoshan Sanren dreamed of the past ; the day where the Xue clan had been slaughtered, 20 years ago. The Xue had been killed by a conglomerate of the five great clan, each of them trying to prevent them from going a Iron Yin piece to the Wen Sect leader. Their opponent thought it was for the best ; despite the warning Baoshan Sanren left them 100 years ago, despite the words of the Lan clanman who had been left to supervise the Xue. And of course, such action lead to disaster : the Wen didn't get the iron piece, but it was lost, the Xue and the merchant hiding them got killed, and the clan leader died after cursing the world. Baoshan was used to get dragged into memories like this, but it still hurt to witness once again this tragedy occur, especially since, despite the Iron Yin's action to come back in time for the third time, it didn't go back far enough for her to save the Xue. She cling to the happy memory ; of the baby of merchants she rescued from the slaughter, the same boy that would be named Xiao Xingchen. But even that is not enough. In the memories, when she came back from the outside world, she was welcomed with more death and devastation ; monsters had breached the barrier and Cansge Sanren's effort hadn't been enough to rescue them all. 10 of her babies died in her absence. Because this memory isn't just about the Xue Clan's massacre, but also the day she realized how powerless she was, how the barrier she thought would protect her family could, and would fail, one day, if she kept caring about the outside world...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When she opens her eyes again, Baoshan Sanren is alone in her room, in the exact same position as she remembers last; but not in the same mindset. When the barrier pulled her in, in the middle of her meditation, her anger had lessened. Now it’s all raw and new again, with a new layer of exhaustion on the top of it all. She doesn’t know how long time has passed since then; she never knows. Time hasn’t been on her side for a while now. She raises to her feet and takes a deep breath before she tests the barrier.
It feels right again; monsters might soon stop breaching it. It should hold still. For how long though, she is not sure. Before the second rewind Baoshan estimated she could hold off the barrier for at least a century still. But the rewind doesn't affect her like it does to others; she comes back in time in the exact same state she has been in the previous timeline, as knowledgeable, as old, as strong, and as tired. All the energy she poured to keep the barrier still in the previous timeline has been lost to the void and she cannot take it back, very much like the souls that are trapped within the Iron Yin. Maybe it's because she is an immortal—maybe it is because she is the only one that is from the original timeline, where everything started, that still lives. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t really care at this point.
Understanding a problem is necessary to solving it, and in the past she tried very hard to do it. It had been a mistake. The first time around she tried to hold too many things at once, she tried to save the world, her disciple, her family, and her soulmate. She failed and lost it all. She couldn’t fix anything and so she stopped. She pours her energy elsewhere, on one sole goal: surviving with minimal loss.
This time she protects her home, and not the world. Hopefully it will turn out better. She wants to believe that this is the best decision, even if it’s selfish and not what you expect of a wise immortal, as it is the one she didn’t get last time. If it isn’t, then…
The Lan’s words ring still in her ears: Is there even a right or a wrong path in these kinds of situations? She rejects it with all her heart. It has to; it feels so wrong, sounds so fake, and it hurts so much, she can’t accept it as the truth.
She heads for the lake, she needs to talk to Lan Yi. The ghost rarely answers and it would be dangerous to summon her when she has just mended the ward, so she won’t, but knowing she is close soothes Baoshan Sanren’s heart. She can’t meet her disciple when her heart is still in turmoil, she has to calm down.
Unfortunately, fate isn’t on her side today too. Someone is already waiting for her to come out of her room.
“Master,” Xiao Xingchen appears on the other side of the hallway. Xue Yang is half hidden behind his tall figure, and he whispers: “See, I told you she would come out at one point. You didn’t need to worry.”
“Master,” repeats Xiao Xingchen, as he stops nearby. “Please come back to the village, everyone is worried.”
She doesn’t want to go back to the village either, where every single face reminds her of people who are long gone. It hurts. She doesn’t want to start training again and teach Xue Yang, submitting herself to his endless stream of questions either. She might lose her cool again and say things, or do things she will regret. She has enough regrets for two lifetimes. So she says:
“I just left.”
Xiao Xingchen’s winces, and he admits sadly:
“It’s been weeks, master.”
So long already? She tries to remember if it’s the same amount of time as she spent in the memory, but cannot. It would help if she could find a pattern in this absence of her. But she scolds herself mentally. Focus on what matters. And this, if she reaches her goal, will not matter in the grand schemes of things.
“I’m developing a new technique, do not bother me,” She tells them.
“The very valuable skill of pitying yourself for days” Scoffs off Xue Yang and that earns him a pinch from Xiao Xingchen—which he answers by a hit with his elbow.
Baoshan Sanren almost laughs; It might be a bit of the truth. She cannot feed the barrier like she is right now, but those random pulls in her memories gave her an idea, a long time ago; what if she cut all her body functions but her cultivation activities? She had heard of monks doing so in some remote area. It is very much like death, but not quite. She estimated back then that if she did, she would meet exactly the right amount of power the barrier needs to work. When she is dragged into this kind of state after all, the barrier is satisfied. It could work. It should work in theory. She still has to run several tests to be sure, but it’s her best bet. In a few years she should be able to complete the technique and put it into motion. She will become a tool for her family's salvation and bid them farewell. The idea doesn’t scare her as much as she thought it would. She would even feel at peace, knowing that her sacrifice would save her family, this time around. It is a nice revenge against the Iron Yin; you can have everyone else but not them, not anymore . A part of her, the selfish and grieving one, also longs to know what it feels like. This state is the closest to what is probably experiencing her soulmate. She spent so many days worrying; does it hurt? Are you lonely? She would get the answer to these questions by suffering the same fate. It seems fair.
She wants her last resting place to be by the lake, near Lan Yi too.
But that’s getting ahead of herself. For now the technique is not complete, she should focus on the present.
Baoshan Sanren sighs and tries to avoid her stubborn student, walking around them. It does not work. She blinks and the next time she opens her eyes as she sees Xue Yang staring right back at her, only a few inches away from her face. Unlike Xiao Xingchen he doesn’t care about giving her space, apparently.
“Are we in another timeline?” He asks, straight to the point, like always.
She holds her breath. Yet again, he harasses her with questions, not minding at all about privacy. He is smart, just like Cangse Sanren was. Probably still is. Is she alive in this timeline? She isn’t sure. She should check. But how? She can’t use her tiny sparrow to spy on the outside world like before, it would waste spiritual energy. What does it change that she is dead or alive, anyways? Nothing. Her disciple is not part of life on the mountain anymore. All that is left of the teen are stories they whisper sometimes with a smile, a letter that says too much and too little at the same time, and a gap that has her shape in her master’s heart. She should not think about her, she left on her own volition, she didn’t want to stay in this family and hence Baoshan Sanren shouldn’t waste her energy and time thinking about her fate. She should protect those who deserve it, those who chose to remain.
“Why do you think that?”
“You made it quite clear you know what’s going to happen to Xiao Xingchen if he goes out. And you said again. Last time we checked being immortal didn’t give you future sight.”
“Maybe it does.”
“You’re a petty immortal!”
“Xue Yang,” Scolds him Xiao Xingchen, jumping to the shore and joining them.
And he doesn’t seem to be surprised by the second timeline, so maybe Xue Yang shared his knowledge with him. Xiao Xingchen isn’t a Xue, but the son of a sad couple of merchants that had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. His existence is tied to them anyways. She didn’t want him to know because she didn’t want him to end up like them.
Xue Yang pouts, he looks at Baoshan Sanren, and his eyes are full of anger. It reminds her of Yanling Daoren’s face, when she came back the first time. She tried to save him. She really did. In her first life she never closed her mountain, she still had faith in the world and acted like an immortal should. She helped those who seek her help, but humans are greedy; when you give something to them, they think they earned it, and wait for a little bit more the next time. And you give and you give until there is nothing left of you. Much like this damn barrier. Much like the Xue. Much like this disciples right in front of her who she gave a home, education and love and still ask for more. It seems like life works that way and she has to accept it. She gave the world everything, and probably neglected her disciple while doing so. Otherwise, why would he turn out like he did? She must have made a mistake somewhere. So in her second life, she tried to correct it. She still helped the world; did not close her mountain yet; how could she when it was in so much danger? But she dragged her disciple with her, she cared for him, gave him all her attention, didn’t let anything go wrong. People called her disciple a sweet, generous man. No one would think he would turn out mad. She thought she succeeded. But he still did. He left the mountain too, saying he wanted to help the world like his master, and yet took the same path as the previous timeline, trying to tame and destroy it. And the Lan Yi she met and raised alongside him, so different from the one she loved, still learned about the Iron Yin, still died because of it.
When she lost them both, she closed her mountains definitely, this time. The barrier that cut her home from the rest of reality, protecting them from the burial mounds, definitely helped her take this decision. She didn’t have time to think. To save her home from the backslash of the Iron Yin, she created this barrier and spell on instinct. In the midst of the turmoil when everything was nothing but pain and loss and fear, she clammed up on herself and protected what she truly cared about; the place she had been happy and built with her own two hands. It had felt like a sign, back then. Like the right answer.
And 20 years ago these simple thoughts became a certitude. She protected the Xue 100 years ago but yet they met the exact same end 20 years ago.They died. She bought them some times, nothing else.
Events may change, but the end remains the same. All she can do is delay the inevitable. So that’s what she does. She delays and delays, and delays. It is a battle of attrition with the iron Yin she is determined to prolong until she breathes her last. But she has to choose what for, this time. For so long she had been chasing the past and only realised there that she had been heading in the wrong direction all along. She should set her eyes on the future only.
After her seclusion, the Xue Clan had been the last thing she still cared about in the outside world and tried to help, but she couldn’t be at two places at the same time. She couldn’t care for both.
People say immortals are wise, she wasn’t wise. A wise person would have been able to evaluate their own imitation the first time around, and not have lost as much as she did. But now she knows.
“Master,” says Xiao Xingchen, as he kneels in front of her. “I know you’re upset, but so are we. If you could just talk to us, that way we could find a solution together.”
“There is no solution.”
“How can you be sure of that? You’re not even trying!” Yells Xue Yang.
Baoshan Sanren thinks back of the one time she called for help; when she trusted Lan Yi, her soulmate, to have her back and save her disciple. The Iron Yin shattered. She lost everything, even a culprit. How could she have the nerve to blame Lan Yi, when she paid for this mistake with her very existence? No. It is Baoshan Sanren’s fault, she should have been strong enough to handle it on her own. She was the immortal between the two of them, after all. She is not making this mistake again.
Taking his master’s silence for an admission, Xiao Xingchen seizes this opportunity to give her options:
“What if each of us give a little bit of our energy to the barrier, master? Most of us aren’t cultivators as good as you, but we do have a functional golden core, together, we could probably gives the tiny bit of energy you’re lacking to-”
And then they would all be pulled randomly into the same state as Baoshan Sanren. It is not a viable option. That’s not what she says to counter it, though:
“If a monster breached the barrier still, it would leave the village completely defenseless. Sending energy to the barrier links one’s core to it, if it’s altered, so is your core. Every modification disturbs one’s Qi, making cultivating, and so fighting, harder and more dangerous.”
“So it’s okay if it happens to you, but not us? Cut the sacrificial crap!” Scoffs Xue Yang, and he adds: “ Then why last time you summoned the ghost, if it’s that dangerous for the barrier ?” Asks Xue Yang.
Yet again he is closer to the truth than anyone else.
“It’s very much like inviting someone in your home and someone breaking in your house. It’s completely different. Besides I can handle it, I have a better grasp on my energy than most thanks to my immortal state. I can probably avoid Qi deviation—”
Xue Yang hums, not convinced, and crosses his arms behind his head in carefree behavior, like he doesn’t care. But he does care, she can see it in the ferocity of his glare:
“Then it’s okay, we would have one fighter!”
“One fighter, and hundreds of people to defend. Worst: people that would feel sick and weakened, unable to run away. I am an immortal but I can’t be everywhere and save everyone.”
She says too much once again, but decides it is not a worse slip of a tongue than last time.
“Okay, then, what about not all of us giving energy?” Tries again Xiao Xingchen. “That way we would have some people ready to fight and protect the other still. We could...Ask for people with a earth affinity core to give off their energy as it is what it works best with it, and the rest—”
He did his research. But if he does, he must also know how many of them have a core that meets the requirement. Which is not enough. Xiao Xingchen’s core is bound to water, and Xue Yang’s tiny golden nugget will probably fall either in the metal element, given his family background. None of them can help. If her memory isn’t failing her—and it might be—Baoshan Sanren counts three, maybe four people who could do it. It’s not enough to make up for the barrier’s loss. Two of them aren’t strong enough to control the amount of energy they send to the ward, and might end up being completely drained to the point they might die from it. She tells Xiao Xingchen so.
“Then why don’t we just leave the damn mountain and make our village somewhere else?” grumbles Xue Yang.
And he is met with two frowns, equally indigned. Baoshan Sanren’s blood boils with outrage; this place is her home . It is where she reached immortality, where she built her temple, where she planned her life with Lan Yi, where she raised her almost-children and had been happy once. Every corner of the place is filled with memory. The wood echoes with the laughter of people long gone. On this earth are buried every single one of her babies. She will not abandon them like they meant nothing. They cannot be removed, and so she will stay and keep them company. Besides, this is where Lan Yi is trapped. This is where Baoshan Sanren wants to die, if she ever does. She is not leaving this place, not when, at the end of her world, in the clarity that comes with death, it’s the place she chose to protect over everything else. It is their haven. Her haven. It is the closest place in the world of paradise; they could search the whole damn world and find nothing close to it. There exists no other place where they are this safe, and free to be what they are!
Last time, Xiao Xingchen had told her, full of naivety, before he left: “But we could build such a place in the outside world too.” The fool hadn’t understood that this place came to be because it was free of the world’s rules, of the society's influence. And even if they somehow managed this miracle, it would still not be the same. It would not be Baoshan Sanren’s home anymore.
Cangse Sanren’s last words, as she left the mountain rings inside her ears: This is not a home! You can’t keep us trapped here forever, I would rather die free than live as a prisoner!
It’s true she can’t. And maybe the mountain isn’t meant to be their home.
“If you want to leave the mountain, do it. But don’t ever come back again.” She states, coldly.
“Maybe it’s the only solution,” agrees Xiao Xingchen, his shoulders slumping.
She shields her heart from the pain. She will grieve for them again, but she is used to grief by now. She already did last time with Xiao Xingchen. She thought she could delay his departure, but it seems like she cannot. It has arrived sooner. Maybe. She isn’t sure. She hadn’t had Xue Yang last time. And the boy doesn’t take the news well:
“What? You can’t leave!” Xue Yang states, turning to Xiao Xingchen.
“Xue Yang—”
“You can’t leave me alone with her!” He points Baoshan Sanren, accusatory. “She put me under a waterfall! I would be dead without you!”
Baoshan Sanren doesn’t protest; it is very much true. She made a mistake. The surprise is that Xao Xingchen looks obviously torn at the argument. Which he hadn’t been last time. Nothing she said made him waver and think about staying. She watches at the difference with a mix of curiosity and hope. But she also tries her best to shut it up, as she knows better than it’s nothing but a delay again. And surely, fates proves her right once again:
“I...I could wait until you’re installed in the village, surely,” Xiao Xingchen says.
“Or maybe I could go with you, and you teach me to be a cultivator!” Says Xue Yang.
“I...I’m no teacher, I wouldn’t know how to-”
“Well, first, you don’t kill your student by making them meditate under a waterfall.” Xue Yang lists.
“I’m sorry.”
Xue Yang freezes, and so does Xiao Xingchen, both turns and stares at the immortal, as if they aren’t sure the words are coming from her. Yet who would they come from, if not her? There is no other person guilty of such crime. And she truly regrets it. If he is to leave too, she wants him to know it. Cangse Sanren and Baoshan Sanren parted ways, angry at each other, and this last impression taints her memory of her disciple on hard day. She would rather not make this mistake again if she can avoid it.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I lost track of the time, and you ended up suffering in the end. Cangse Sanren entrusted you to me, and I failed her. You trusted me, and I betrayed you. That’s what matters. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Xue Yang is speechless for a moment. Xiao Xingchen, however, is not:
“We know that estimating time is hard for you, master. If you could only take the habit of warning us, when you punish one of us, I’m sure all the villagers would be happy to help and keep track of time in your stead.”
She hums but says nothing, and will do nothing about it. It should be her task, she should be able to do it on her own and have the spell under control. They will take care of themselves when she masters it and reaches her goal, when she is gone. She knows they will be able to. Besides, since she won’t be there anymore, the problem will be irrelevant.
“Come on, don’t look so pitiable, it makes us look like we’re the one bullying you! It takes away all the fun of apologies.” Complains Xue Yang, frowning. “If you’re truly sorry, then do something about it. Tell us what you hide! I can’t trust you again if you’re keeping things secret from us and refusing to talk!”
Xiao Xingchen, however, feels obligated to intervenes there:
“You’re not forced to tell us everything master,” he assures, as he sends Xue Yang one looks that makes him pout. “But if something is dangerous for us or the village, please don’t bear it all on your own, I know you want to protect us, but we’re not children anymore.”
Baoshan Sanren looks at Xue Yang, puzzled, and Xiao Xingchen suddenly blushes:
“Well, except him, he is still a child.”
“Hey!” Protests Xue Yang. “It’s not true the one acting like a child the most here isn’t me! It’s her!”
He is not very convincing, stomping the ground with his feet and pointing his finger at Baoshan Sanren. Yet he turns to the immortal with a frown and it is true that his words rings almost like the one of an adult as he adds:
“You asked me, last time if I knew a way you could do things right and prevent it from happening again…”
It would work better if he wasn't pouting too. Baoshan Sanren almost wants to laugh it off.
“It’s already happening again.” She declares.
If they leave, he should know that too. He is the last of the Xue, he is at risk more than anyone else, in the outside world. Him leaving could very much be the last step that will lead to its downfall. As an immortal, she should keep him prisoner, even against his wishes, and protect this timeline.
But she won’t scatter anymore. She will only save those who want to be saved by her. And the two boys in front of her aren’t. They struggle in her grasp and bite her offering hand. She can’t hold them all without risking to make another, an innocent, fall in their stead.
So she isn’t going to try. But apparently, they are willing to do it in her stead. Xiao Xingchen because he is benevolent, naive, and still full of hope:
“Just tell us master, and we will do what’s necessary”
Xue Yang, because he is full of confidence and provocative : “Maybe you can’t do a thing, but we can!”
They sound like Lan Yi; Xiao Xingchen, the one she loved and trusted to have her back once upon a time, and Xue Yang; the one she raised. Is it the fate of all her students, to be so sure of their abilities they end up destroying themselves? Probably. Is it Baoshan Sanren to stand there and watch them crash and burn? Surely.
This time she will avoid her gaze and steel her heart. She will not care.
“I will tell you. Do what you want.”
It is a mistake, she realizes this only a couple of second later, after Xue Yang’s eyes shines bright and he opens his mouth to say:
“Then, what I want is to leave the mountain and come back whenever!”
She stares at him in disbelief. She doesn’t have the time to say anything before Xiao Xingchen—out of all people—adds:
“It would seem logical to try to fix the barrier from the outside too. Maybe there’s something we can do from there that we cannot do here. It would allow us to test more theories.”
She is baffled by their guts. Are they trying to bargain with her? To find a compromise? She stares at Xue Yang because surely, Xiao Xingchen would have never dared do this without the boy’s input. And the kid doesn’t even look ashamed, he continues:
“Yeah, then since you agree to let us do what we want, we’re gonna do that. Get out and check then come back. maybe even take a walk-”
“You cannot!”
“What are you gonna do to stop us?”
She huffs in disbelief. She opens her mouth, furious:
“I could close up the lake portal for good.”
And Xiao Xingchen shudders at the thought, but not Xue Yang.
“I don’t think you’d close the lake portal” Xue Yang insists. “I think you’re bluffing.”
He is right. She cannot do that without pushing Lan Yi completely out of her life. She can’t. And she has the suspicion that the kid is aware of that. He grins at her, cocky and victorious. Furious, hurt and annoyed, she clings to her dignity and says nothing, as if she will go through her threat.
He holds her gaze unimpressed, and cocky, he adds:
“But if you do so, we would just go out through the burial mounds.”
“That would mean death!”
“Yeah like going outside according to you, so why do you care?”
She stumbles, the question hitting right in her loic flaw. It’s right, she shouldn’t care. But she does because it’s one thing to let them go and close every communication in order to never learn if they are dead, alive, happy or sad... It’s another to be sure. Like dates displayed on a funeral tablet. Yet again it’s not like she can keep herself in ignorance bliss this time either: she knows for sure that Xiao Xingchen will end up heartbroken, rejected by his soulmate, and begging her to cure his blindness, no matter what the cost.
“You would put everyone in danger, if you get caught and this place is found—”
“We will be very careful, master,” promises Xao Xingchen. “No one will spot us—”
“You will have to trust us,” singsongs Xue Yang. “Whether you want it or not!”
Xiao Xingchen’s expression is complicated, he disapproves of the boy’s method, but on the other hand they are so close to success. So he tries what he does best, he smooths things out (and pinches Xue Yang to the side to make him stop):
“Master, we will do it no matter what, don’t you think it’s best if you just...helps us doing it right, instead of opposing us and watching us make mistakes? Surely, we would welcome your guidance—”
“Speak for yourself! She might be too damn scared to act but I’m not! And it’s better to do something, even if it’s a mistake than freeze and do nothing like her!”
It earns him another pinch and he yelps and kicks his senior in the knee. Baoshan Sanren feels cornered, she cannot kick them out and burn the bridge like she did with Cangse Sanren. They won’t let her. It’s the first time people don’t listen to her. The first time they dare imply they know better than her when they are but babies. Forget about trust and relying on people, they are trying to boss her around and that’s…
Unacceptable.
“You will report to me often.” She says.
Xiao Xingchen’s entire face lights up, as he nods and promises. Anger subsides in her heart, replaced with something akin to hope. But also fear and guilt. She tries to push those feelings away by logic and reason. They will fail. Like she did. And then they will come back and understand that Baoshan Sanren is right to ignore the world’s plea. The fact that they can return to the mountain might be good in a way; once they get the lesson they will stay and be obedient this time.
It might be good parenting to let them make this mistake. Even if the idea of them getting hurt in the process is nauseating, it’s just...Delaying the inevitable. Again. They are going to be hurt anyways. Might as well give them the place and the opportunity to heal them after they are. Just like she did when Cangse Sanren tried her luck with demonic cultivation ; rubs their back, comfort them after they get hurt. Just like it happened to her. Then they would understand that this mountain is the only shelter that is worth still fighting for.
“Then it’s settled,” she tells them.
She turns her back to them and lets the rigged dice of fate roll. She knows the result, but if they need to get robbed to see by themselves, so be it. In the meantime she will protect their home, even if it’s the last thing she does.
Notes:
Next chapter we return to Lotus Pier...And the chapter's name is...The incense burner's return!
*dramatic music*
...I'm sure you didn't miss this one ;) But it will still make its return.Also, does Baoshan Sanren strikes you as a control freak?
I hope so, she is a bit like that.
Chapter 81: The incense burner's return
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're all ready as we return to Lotus Pier ! To deal with the incense burner, Yanli's nightmare and the Iron Yin plot...mwahaha.
I wouldn't tag the two chapters about it as horror though, it's not as hard as last time, I promise.Anyways without further ado, I leave you with the chapter ^^ I apologize as it is not beta-read ! All mistakes are mine (Fraudulent_Moose must bebusy today i hadn't heard of him at all u-u° Send him best luck for whatever work he is stuck with ;)
Previous chapter's summary (Previously on...) --> Baoshan Sanren came back to her senses, weeks later. The barrier had the bad habit to randomly pull her into a comatose/dreaming state like this, aggravating her already loosing sense of time. But she planned to use this side effect to her advantage. If she developed a new technique of meditation, that would cut all her body function but the cultivation process, she would be able to feed the barrier without any loss, unlike now. Her family would be safe in their home. While mastering it might take some time she is determined to succeed this time ; the Iron Yin will not steal anything more from her. But this is without taking Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen into account. Worried for their master, the two insisted to find another solution, realizing that they were in a new timeline, they pushed and pushed until, cornered, Baoshan Sanren finally agreed to let them try to save the barrier, to let them know about what the other timeline, and finally to let them leave and return the mountain to test out the result on their researches on the barrier. The immortal didn't look happy about it, but she agreed at the condition they reported to them often, hoping that this way, at least when they will get hut by the world, they would understand her stance and stop disobeying her.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Surprisingly enough, the first invention Cangse Sanren finishes is the incense burner. It has taken her nine months, in total (counting the time she spent before the conference), and so she calls it her baby. And also swears she is never ever making only one copy of a spiritual tool:
“Starting today I’m making a copy of each spiritual tool I make, every damn time! Also I’m never spending nine damn months on one tool ever again!” She swears to everyone willing to lend her a ear (and even those who are not).
Yu Ziyuan tells her she doesn’t see the difference: in the end she will have to do twice the work anyways, but Cangse Sanren says it’s less trouble to build the whole thing up from scratch and making a double of each piece of enchantment rather than starting all over again months later. Plus some tools like the Incense burner require rituals that can only be made once every blue moon when the stars are aligned (and oh she hates those types because what’s the point of having a spell and not being able to cast it when you need it? It’s stupid!) Wei Changze, as usual, sides with his wife and says it’s also good to have a back-up tool in case of emergency. Jiang Fengmian simply nods to her nonsense and tells her to not forget to write down a manual for each of her creations too so she does not forget how she made it. Cangse Sanren answers that by spending the whole afternoon on the hall floor, groaning. Everyone just...Step around her body and ignore her because she is a drama queen and the more attention you give her the more power she has. (Jiang Cheng has enough after a few hours though and decides to sit on her, which lead to Cangse Sanren almost being buried under a children pile)
“And how far are you with the family identification spiritual tool? Your sister-in-law is waiting for it, and my sworn sister is getting impatient.” Says Yu Ziyuan when she has enough of her show, Jinzhu, Yinzhu, Meng Shi and Sisi helping unbury the genius.
Cangse Sanren rolls away from the hall in shame Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes. Every kid thinks it’s a game and mimics her; even Meng Yao. He is getting better at acting like a kid, which makes the time he acts like a tiny adult even stranger.
In the end, the incense burner being ready is good news: especially for Yanli. She waited long enough, and now she is more eager to fight the nightmare than be scared of it. She made a lot of progress in sword training, her rogue cultivator mentor came back a few days and he congratulated her non-stop about her stances, which gave her the best confidence boost.
“I told you you’ve been doing great,” mutters Wei Changze.
“Thank you!” Beams Jiang Yanli, delighted under so many praises. Understanding that, Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng start to shower her with compliments until she turns red from head to toe and says she has to go back to training just to flee from them.
Wei Changze might not be allowed to participate in the training still, but he can supervise it and still give pointers (and also do paperworks in the meantime). Meng Yao helps him, like an assistant, when he is not among the students being trained. He looks like a little duckling.
When he returned after the conference, Jiang Fengmian started a new discipline too, asking each disciple to train as a duo, one attacking while the other one is defending (or more accurately deflecting the opponent’s hits, as it is still the most fitting way of defending yourself in the Jiang style). Yu Ziyuan has taken over the defense squad lesson while he takes care of the attack. The Meishan and Jiang styles are slowly merging. Jiang Yanli is thriving under this method, it gives her the time to catch her breath and think while fighting. She no longer has the sensation she is alone and cornered. So far she has been working with Wen Qing (when they are not training pure Jiang martial art) and Meng Yao, both in attacker and defender roles, and she loves it. They make a good team. It’s a bit harder to do it with her little brothers, as they are...eager, but less mature. It often leads to the two of them duelling each other.
She also made a lot of progress in her food cultivation.
Wen Qing taught her many useful things: especially the process of researching medicines. She has now claimed the kitchen as her workshop, and has started writing down notes.
Cangse Sanren fakes crying each time she sees her, saying her little niece is becoming a tiny researcher just like her auntie. Jiang Fengmian tells her he doesn’t see her writing any manuals each time and she avoids his gaze while Yu Ziyuan smirks.
Sure, Jiang Yanli is taking after her auntie, but she is way more organized than her. One manual is for established and successful recipes, the other one is for works-in-progress. Wen Qing also started one for cooking (she has plenty for medecine already); because the two girls are in disagreement. Wen Qing believes usefulness and healthiness primes over the taste while Yanli is determined to make recipes that are both healthy and tasty. For those reasons, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian insisted on being Yanli’s guinea pigs, and not Wen Qing’s. Wen Ning and Meng Yao both stare at them tearfully and betrayed each time Wen Qing drags them in the kitchen to test her new attempt.
“If it's such a bother to you, I could test my meals on dogs.” Wen Qing tells them, when she sees A-Ning gulps back a sob after one bite.
Meng Yao’s fake smile plastered on his face falters too. This meal is especially disgusting; he wishes he could say no to the “testing” sessions but he has little to no choice: his “miracle” recovery is due to the two little girls. The Jiang doctor is clear about it: without their combined efforts he would have had sequels from his fall. Now he is able to resume training. The least he could do to thank them is to help their research. Even if it’s really, really disgusting.
“Don’t give crappy food to my dogs!” Yells Jiang Cheng. Wen Qing’s stares go from the Jiang Heir to Wei Wuxian then.
“Or my cat!” Yells A-Ying too.
“You let Lan Huan give him food,” she points out.
“That’s not the same at all! Lan Huan loves Wufa!”
The Lan boy has been sending letters too—very much like his brother—to every single one of them (even if the longest are always for Meng Yao, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli). And more often than not there’s a treat for Wufa; a snack but sometimes also a toy. Wei Changze is starting to think Cloud Recesses is indeed better with the no-pet-rules; otherwise their future heir might adopt way too many cats and spoil them rotten.
“I like your pets too,” Wen Qing says, in her defense.
“Yeah, and you like A-Ning but look what you give him to eat…” Comments Jiang Cheng.
Like often, the conversation ends up with Jiang Cheng screaming murder and running away from Wen Qing’s needles. Cangse Sanren thinks they really should teach the girl that you cannot solve every problem with acupuncture. Yu Ziyuan says it’s good for Jiang Cheng, as he learns how to dodge projectiles. Jiang Fengmian bets on who is going to win with Wei Changze. A-Ning is the real winner though, since he is allowed after that to help Yanli in the kitchen. He might still be eating his sister’s healthy meals but he gets to learn cooking and eat tasty snacks with his other big sisters and his favorite siblings (which are everyone if someone asks him). Meng Yao is stuck with the medicines and he shares a long exhausted glance with his Mother and Wei Changze, who suffers the same fate. Sisi let them get away with none of that and watched them until they finished taking their pills and doing their rehab.
“Because that’s my job as your family,” she states, proudly.
They would rather not have her in their family right now—but of course they don’t say it and they swallow the new bitter pill and awful meal.
They’re lucky Wen Qing’s gardening area is still under construction. Otherwise the meal would be worse. It’s the one thing Wen Qing asked, when Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren planned the modifications to Lotus Pier. She doesn’t mind sharing her bedroom with her brother, she said, but she would love to have a place where she can nurture medicinal herbs. When the Jiang doctor heard about it he declared:
“If you plan to continue to get hurt like last year, we will need to expand the infirmary and have that. If you do not, I advise your disciples to keep their injury to one broken bone at the time every now and then. And to tell your right hand man to stop Qi deviating. And to find a way for his wife to stop putting things on fire.”
“You say that like they cause troubles all the time,” protested Jiang Fengmian. “ But they are calming down and are starting to be reasonable—”
Wei Ying had thought, wisely, that it was the best time to jump on his mother’s sword and go “wooosh” right in front of Jiang Fengmian and the Doctor while Wei Changze chased after him and kids started running to avoid being stabbed by a flying baby.
So they made a budget to expand the infirmary and get a garden. Wei Changze, Meng Yao and Meng Shi do their best to be healed before it’s finished. It’s the best motivation. Both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian lose their first baby teeth after one training session with Yanli and cry with relief when they learn this does not mean they will have to eat Wen Qing’s cooking too. She is getting a fearful reputation. Yanli pats her best friend’s back to comfort her.
Maybe it's because Yanli is such a good friend, always there for her, that Wen Qing insists on being dragged on in the nightmare with them.
“It’s not a game,” Cangse Sanren says. “It could be dangerous.”
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are both worried—even though they do not show it-—and so, ever since the incense burner has been achieved, Cangse Sanren has been teaching Yanli the sign to get out of the dream on her own if the worst happens. Yet Wen Qing insists:
“I know! But Yanli told me about her dream! She might need medical attention right? Do you know how to heal people?”
Cangse Sanren has many great skills but not that one. And Wen Qing knows first hand because the first month after she had been officially staying at Lotus Pier, after the conference, she got her first menstruation. At nine years old. Due to the shock of her parent's death (or at least that’s the doctor’s current hypothesis). Wen Ning who still slept with his sister saw that and got scared, then went directly to Wei Ying’s room to panic over it, which led to Wei Ying rushing to his parent’s room, crying that Wen Qing was dying. Which led to Cangse Sanren staying with the very embarrassed (and worried) girl while her husband looked for the doctor in the middle of the night (again). Let’s just say that unfortunately, Cangse Sanren had not really been very reassuring during that time. Even when the doctor cleared the mess and told them the diagnosis and went back to sleep, the ex-rogue cultivator hadn’t been the best still. Back in the mountain, two of her seniors had to drop cultivation training because of problems due to menstruations. Normally, a female cultivator would be able to control their reproductive system thanks to cultivating yang energy, stopping menstruations and allowing them to decide when they wanted to have a baby without taking dangerous herbs. A golden core also helps reduce childbirth mortality. But some women’s bodies, when they hit puberty, don’t react to yang like it should, the spiritual energy starts to hurt them, making them ill periodically. They could still cultivate, in theory, but the stronger they became the more it hurt. They would start being sick one week before menstruations, and suffer terrible cramps that often led to them being sick and bedridden for a week after it. Which only left one week of the month free of pain. Not a lot of people are willing to continue under these circumstances. Baoshan Sanren called it endometriosis; there is no cure for this. Cangse Sanren might have blurted that info in front of Wen Qing. She is lucky the little girl has been more interested in the disease she didn’t know of rather than panicking over it (especially since they tried cultivation exercises right then and nothing went wrong, proving that the girl was not suffering from it).
Obviously after such performance, Cangse Sanren has been rightfully put at the very bottom of the list of people to rely on when one is hurt, in the girl’s mind.
Still, she is not letting a nine years old (and a half!) girl tell her what to do; no one tells Cangse Sanren what to do!
“Well maybe you do know some stuff but you’re not an expert yet, you’re barely learning right now! If I have to bring anyone with me, it will be the Jiang doctor!”
The said Jiang doctor looks like he would rather be anywhere but dragged into a weird sleep induced state near them. But he still concedes:
“If the sect leader orders me to…”
And sends Jiang Fengmian a long sad glance that pleads him not to.
Except Yanli has something to say about it; she takes Cangse Sanren’s hand and pleads:
“Please auntie, I would feel safer with A-Qing with me.”
Cangse Sanren can’t say no to her teary eyes, Jiang Yanli is just that powerful and it’s unfair. But she has to! She has to be the adult here! So she takes a deep breath and says:
“No. This is final.”
Parenting is super hard, she hates it. Jiang Yanli’s eyes fill with tears and Wen Qing’s lower lip trembles. Jiang Fengmian rubs Yanli’s back and tries to reason with the little girl; in vain. Probably because Yanli’s tears are a little bit fake, but no one has to know that the Meng family taught her that. Fortunately, Wei Changze who has been there the whole time does his magic and comes up with a compromise:
“We can’t bring Wen Qing in the dream. What we can do, however, is let Wen Qing watch over your sleep and be ready to heal you when you wake up. How would that be?”
Jiang Yanli is not very happy with it, but she is a sweet child, and smart; she gets that fake tears won’t work this time. She agrees. Wen Qing is not that convinced but...She has no choice, they are her caretakers after all. In the following days they install the room to do the “dive”. The first night, they decide to try something out: by not letting Wei Ying sleep over but Wen Ning. It is a nice test to know if his condition is similar to his friend.
It does not work, Jiang Yanli sleeps peacefully all night, and so does Cangse Sanren. It’s a nice sleepover, and the little boy is very happy with it (cuddling with his surrogate mother and his second sister is the best!) but it doesn’t cause any nightmares.
“I wonder why?” whispers Cangse Sanren while patting both of her boys.
Wen Ning scars are fading, but it’s still there, and it’s so very much like the ones A-Ying suffered from. How is it so different? But Wen Ning doesn’t suffer from nightmares like A-Ying did. His sleep is disturbed; sometimes he holds his breath and shudders but that’s about it. He talks about an imaginary friend too that he calls the ghost general. But his level of yin energy is normal for a kid his age, and the talismans do not react to possession. It is probably just what he calls it: a friend he made up after the death of his parents to cope. But then what did Cangse Sanren see the first night she watched over him?
She doesn’t understand and it disturbs her. She asks Madam Lan about it, during one of their conversations, but the woman doesn’t know much, despite her more advanced knowledge on souls. It probably does not help that she has only half of the information at hand ; after all Cangse Sanren is limited by the hand languages and she does not want to tell about the Iron Yin to anyone…
***
Wei Wuxian, the Yiling patriarch, from where he stands between two timelines, doesn’t understand much better than his mother, but he has more information and so more theories. His younger self had been hurt by him; using the remnant of the Yin iron’s power that turned the duo of beast and cultivator into what they were. A cultivator that is apparently linked to the Iron Yin since generations. Wen Ning however, had been hurt by the fairy statue that had taken form thanks to the Iron Yin’s presence, and which changed in order to survive its loss when it was ripped away from it. It’s a small difference, but it’s there. Maybe the disease that plagues this little version of Wen Ning is imitating the true iron Yin’s disease, like the fairy statue did.
Or maybe he just has a regular sleep paralysis demon.
Or, and that is the theory Wei Wuxian is the most fond of, the reason behind the change is the Ghost general’s presence in the boy’s mind. Surely it altered things! Little Wen Ning’s spiritual cognition had a hole in it. The Ghost general; in his time, had been revived with only his last breath of life still there. Both parts fitted perfectly together and merged, healed themselves without erasing the other. But why is it not perceived as possession by traditional cultivation methods? This question reminds Wei Wuxian a bit of his demonics ideas he wrote down when he looked for a way to bring Wen Ning back to life. His more defined array would sacrifice the rightful owner of the body and since it was considered as a gift, it would do the trick. It doesn’t seem to be the case here (fortunately or it would have erased the little boy’s soul). But it still has tiptoed around what the cultivation tool considers has possession. So it is either because the merge is complete, or because they are the same person, deep down. Just at a different time of their life, how could this be a possession in this case? It is the most likely explanation.
Sometimes, when Wei Wuxian sees little Wen Ning conversing with his older self in the dream, or when he can hear echoes of how his ghost general and friend is doing...Wei Wuxian wonders. Should he do that too? But he only has to take one look at the boy in his parent’s arms. He is too afraid of killing his little self in the process. He won’t murder an innocent boy. He can still do things here, would he be able to do the same if he merged? He doesn’t know. Even if sometimes he suffers...blanks of consciousness, even if they cannot hear them, he has control over the resentful energy that is trapped. What would happen if he wasn’t there to hold it, control it with his demonic cultivation?
There’s too much unknown and too many risks to try, too much to lose. Wei Wuxian already lost everything, his family, his friends...he will not stand being responsible for their death a second time. It’s okay. He can suffer here alone as long as they are okay. And it’s not that bad actually. It’s been more than a year and a half now since he awoke. He is getting used to it.
Sometimes he can still discuss with his ghost general; their bond is not severed by the merging, somehow, just...not as reliable as it once was. It’s like conversing with someone far away, only getting muffled sounds and echoes when the conditions are bad. But Wei Wuxian still thinks it’s for the best. He never wanted to control Wen Ning in the first place; just save his life.
Wei Wuxian resigns himself to his state, but not to apathy though. His parents are trying to do something there; to go inside the dream once again. It’s another opportunity to talk to them through it, like last time. Hopefully he will have better grasp on it and not be submerged by it. Second time always works better.
So he watches as his mother and Yanli prepare the beds, and his tiny self jumps everywhere, all too happy to have a sleepover allowed. He barely contains his excitement too, readying his flute, but when Wei Ying finally yawns and closes his eyes, falling asleep...Fear suddenly seizes Wei Wuxian. After all, the nightmare where they are all heading toward is not a fond memory.
He tries to comfort himself; last time he didn’t live through the nightmare with them; he knew what they were seeing, but wasn’t there. He just added another dream at the end to interact. But maybe it is not a good plan; he had to fight for control with the Iron Yin to create this third dream. He had been exhausted, and not very coherent as a result. Should he try to invite himself over the nightmare? There would be a Yiling Patriarch in it, it could act as a vessel for his consciousness ; he might be against merging with his tiny self body, but he doesn’t bear such qualms about a dream of the worst version of himself. However he has more doubts about reliving the memory of the attack on nightless city.
It is his last memory before he woke up there, surrounded by the Iron Yin and trapped souls turning resentful. It is...the moment his already shattered life definitely implosed and he has thought it was better to stop at this point. He is not sure he can handle it better now than he had back then.
But things are going to be different, this time around. This is the past, focus on the present, he orders himself. In the present, everyone is alive. And in order for them to be saved, Wei Wuxian has to find a way to communicate with his mother and warn her. She will listen to him, hopefully, she seemed like the one among the other adults who would. There might not be another opportunity like this before a long long time.
So Wei Wuxian does what he always does, he ignores his feelings and himself to do the right thing. As he shapes his song to control the energy and enters the dream, he hears his brother’s soul scoff at him: Always playing the martyr, aren’t you? But a lovely sound of a guqin joins his song in a duet, and covers Jiang Cheng’s voice.
When he opens his eyes again the song is still there, he is still playing. Lan Wangji stands at the other side of the roof, his word pointing down as he orders him to stop, tells him that things have changed . But things didn’t change at all. Again and again it is the same thing happening. He tried to explain but no one listened, and they accused him to be arrogant and insolent. It’s like talking to a wall; there is no logic, no point to make, no argument. He is just condemned to see his loved ones and innocents die and be blamed by others for it. Not like he doesn’t blame himself first but the hypocrisy kills him a little bit more each time.
Below, people are screaming and fighting raw resentment. Touching it means internal bleeding, feeling like being devoured from the inside. He knows, he had felt it in his very bones, once upon a time. He remembers the hatred, the exhaustion is felt standing before them. The resignation too. He knew how low he had sunk. But so what? It’s not like he could fix this anymore. They wanted Wei Wuxian to be the bad guy? So be it, if that was all he could be on this world, why fight it? At least some justice at last would be served, for the Wen, for Wen Ning, for Wen Qing! It was too late, for him and for them all.
That day all his thoughts were so confused on what he had already lost that he never thought of what he still had and that could still very much be ripped away from him.
And then suddenly, there’s Jiang Yanli’s call in the midst of the battle, crystal clear despite the distance. And Wei Wuxian’s heart falls, shatters just like that day. Because he knows, he knows that this is the moment she dies now.
So just like that day he ignores Lan Zhan and rushes down to find her. Just like that day he doesn’t understand why Lan Zhan follows and backs him up. Just like that day too, something is wrong with his power. The raw resentful energy turns into something else, and takes possession of all the dead around. Corpses rise up not under his orders. Wei Wuxian tries to force his will on the nightmare’s body, but it moves just like in his blurry memories of that day. He tries not to panic over it; after all, last time he got control over the dreams only at the very end of it, when the pressure of the iron Yin lessened, but it’s hard to listen to reason when the worst moments of his life are being replayed right in front of his eyes.
He sees every mistake he made and hates himself from it, especially when his eyes fall directly on Jiang Yanli, among the crowd, but his body is still looking for her in the wrong direction, calling her name. This time, though, he also spots another woman in the crowd. Cangse Sanren. His mother. He can’t help but plead with her to get to Jiang Yanli when he cannot.
***
Cangse Sanren squeezes tiny Yanli’s hand in her. She asked the little girl to remain hidden; as a battlefield is a dangerous place no matter what. She expected it to be bad, but she didn’t realize it would be this bad. This messy. No wonder Yanli woke up so scared so many months ago. People are screaming all around them, and falling left and right. Each time a new body falls, tiny Yanli swallows a scream and gets closer to Cangse Sanren. She does not close her eyes, as she knows better than do such stupid thing.
“I think in the dream appeared around there—” she whispers, her voice shaking.
She points to a place, her hook sword in her hands. Just like Cangse Sanren could walk inside and wield both her ribbon and sword, in this the nightmare, it seems Yanli has access to her weapon if she wants to. Which is good.
“You’re doing amazing, continue to point me in the right direction,” she tells the little girl.
She does not want to appear in the battle field too soon too. It’s easier to move around when no one notices you, especially all this raw black energy floating around. But at one point she knows she will have to fight, to save big Yanli.
“When I let go of your hand, I want you to stay close to me A-Li,” she explains.
Yanli’s hold on her hand grows tighter, and she looks at her, very scared.
“I know, it’s hard, but I need both of my hands to fight, A-Li, if you stay inside the dream and do not think of stepping in, you’re safe, remember that.”
“I-I will,” promises the little girl, trembling but determined.
They walk through the nightless city’s palace main courtyard, invisible as the war rages on. Thanks to A-Li’s instructions they are here as soon as big Jiang Yanli steps in. She is wearing mourning clothes, just like the little girl told her and looks about to collapse, sobs wracking her tone she calls:
“A-Xian!”
Cangse Sanren’s heart hurts and she can’t help but look around too, hoping to see a glimpse of her son. Is he safe? Why is he on the battlefield in the first place? She cannot stop worrying and hoping she could summon him close to protect him too. But she knows he is fine, at least A-Li told him he would be. The one she must protect right now is the girl’s older self. And that’s what she will do, no matter what. Taking a deep breath she steps into the dream, sword in hand, ribbon tied around her waist.
“Jiang Yanli?”
Jiang Yanli stumbles, surprised, and looks at her with big wide eyes. She is beautiful, even all dressed in white. Cangse Sanren is amazed by how the tiny girl she learned to love grew up. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian must be so proud of her. But time is not on their side, and she pushes back the wonders in the back of her mind. Especially when no recognition passes through Jiang Yanli’s eyes.
“Who are you?”
It stings a little, but she ignores it too and replies:
“No one of importance, I’m here to protect you-”
“I need to find my brother,” she tells her. “This is a big mistake, there must be a misunderstanding, A-Xian would never—” she looks around the battlefield and lets out a tiny yelp as a cultivator falls near them. She hiccups. “He would never cause all of this, please you must bring me to—”
“I will—” Cangse Sanren promises.
And it’s true, if her son is in this mess, she wants him behind her back, safe, too. Even if there is no misunderstanding and that her little A-Ying is causing all of this.
Jiang Yanli’s expression eases, and she bows her head, thanking her, as she hides behind Cangse Sanren’s back. Just where her tiny self is standing too. It’s so strange to feel both of them there. A-Li watches her older self with curiosity and maybe a tiny bit of disapprovement, biting her lips.
“It’s very courageous of you to come here alone to save your brother,” Cangse Sanren says to the older Yanli, because she can’t stand seeing her A-Li judging herself so hard for it.
After all, Cangse Sanren is not known for her reasonable decisions under pressure. She would have barged into the battlefield, naked and powerless too, if it meant she could save her baby. She really isn’t one in position to condemn anyone. A-Li’s expression eases at the comment, just like her older self.
“Thank you...Might I ask what is your name?” Inquires Jiang Yanli. “You look familiar.”
“Later, when we’re all out of the battlefield, safe and sound,”
The promise works, and Jiang Yanli offers her a tiny smile, as she clutches her hand at Cangse Sanren’s clothes, especially the ribbon.
They advance at a snail’s pace that is difficult to bear, but they do walk forward. Jiang Yanli keeps calling for A-Xian, and sometimes, they hear a faint echo of a reply. Cangse Sanren is amazed by how little she is attacked by the resentful energy, it seems to favor attacking others rather than them. But many cultivators are in their way and their panicked movements are dangerous, her sword clashes against their blade two or three times.
She catches a glimpse of white in the corner of her vision field, a lan ribbon floating, but cannot recognize its owner. She also vaguely recognizes a voice, and the sound of the clarity bells, under all the noises...Someone else is calling Jiang Yanli’s name.
‘It’s A-Cheng”, whispers A-Li by her side. So far she is doing an amazing job, staying close to Cangse Sanren but not hindering the adult’s movement. Jiang Fengmian’s lessons about duel combat are doing wonders. She will tell him once she gets back. He will be happy about it, both Yu Ziyuan and him were dead worried at the prospect of A-Li entering the incense burner’s dream. Cangse Sanren and Jiang Fengmian both started to get to town together, to drink and discuss inventions, one day per week, now that the rumors about their relationship are finally gone. It’s good to think about better days and time with her friend in the midst of the battle. it helps when she sees people agonizing on the ground.
Focus on that, on what you’ll do once you’re out of this nightmare. This is just a nightmare.
And she wants to praise A-Li, because the sight is hard to handle even for an adult, she can’t imagine how traumatizing it must have been for her, months ago.
Then suddenly things get worse. People who fall immediately get back up, hit by resentful energy, they turn into fierce corpses and start attacking. This time, she has to use her sword against humans and cut flesh.
“A-Li, stays close to me-!” She screams, and bigger Jiang Yanli, startled by the endearing nickname, freezes.
“Who are you?” She repeats.
But someone shouts her name too, at the same time. Cangse Sanren’s blood turns cold. It’s a voice she hasn’t forgotten, even though she only heard it once, so many months ago. She turns around and sees her son’s, not her little A-Ying, but the one that had been swallowed into the nightmare.
He looks so pale and thin, so sick. Is he wounded?
“Auntie!” A-Li’s voice shakes her out of her daze and she suddenly remembers what the little girl had said: big Yanli had been hit in the back. She swirls on her fit and strikes, not even looking at what. her heart beating so fast the sound of the battlefield field away from one short moment.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter ^^
You got Wei Wuxian's pov for a tiny bit ;)
I have a little funny story today. You see, I suck at math (I think I said it before). So she I write I try to avoid thinking about numbers. But as I was writing the next chapters, i had to think about it a bit still...Because of Mo Xuanyu's birth date. I wrote two chapters before realizing that he couldn't be born so soon xo Then one problem leading to another I fell into the math vicious circle and was so lost I asked my little brother, his girlfriend and Fraudulent_moose to help at some point xD But anyways this story isn't about math. The thing is, confused as I was I looked everywhere my notes to see if maybe my past me thought about it before (ahaha, no she did not), and found back one of the first few draft I had for the story !! And this is what I want to share with you today...
In the very first notes I wrote about the plot, Wei Wuxian, The Yiling patriarch, was able to communicate with Wei Ying after some time. And the boy treated it as an imaginary friend (much like A-Ning does with the ghost general) while apparently his parents didn't know about it. (Why that is the question). BUT here is the trick : in this first draft, Wei Wuxian wasn't trapped in the Iron Yin with his timeline lost / put on hold. The timeline he was from still lived on, and so he was dead (so the reason why no one in canon could summon his soul was because he was away in another timeline). And so the idea was that 16 years after (so right before Cloud Recesses in the fanfic, and right at the beginning of the book in canon timeline) his soul is suddenly called back and put into Mo Xuanyu's body in the canon!timeline, leaving fanfic!Wei Ying confused and without his mentor, only having to fix things without his mentor and with his parents' help (that did not like the fact that their baby was basically possessed and didn't think about telling them).
So yeah, funny, the story would have been very different if I went that way. I wonder why I pushed that aside. (Probably because Wei Ying not telling his parents didn't feel right, or because I didn't want to do math...)
Anyways, thank you for listening to my rambling, I wish you all a good week end and see you on Tuesday for a new chapter ^^
Chapter 82: The Yiling Patriarch's counter attack
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're all doing well ^^
I arrive with a new chapter and this time it is beta-read by Fraudulent_Moose!! He really did his best despite being under lot of work at school, so he really deserves thanks this time around <3Previous chapter's summary --> Time passed at Lotus Pier, and while every kid were busy adapting to their new home, Cangse Sanren finally finished her own version of the incense burner ! Thanks to that she thought she could get rid of Yanli's nightmare like they did with their own, and despite the danger she organized the "sleepover party" to do just that, unaware that she was being watched...Watched by the Yiling Patriarch trapped inside the iron Yin, and the man decided to seize the opportunity to be in the dream too to communicate with his mother and warns her about the future. Unfortunately when he tried he got swallowed by the dream of nightless city massacre, unable to change it at first and forced to rewatch the events that lead to his downfall. Cangse Sanren and Yanli, however, were not bond to such rules and together they found Big Yanli and protected her as they went through the battlefield. Cangse Sanren just caught the glimpse of Wei Wuxian hen she heard A-Li scream, and without a second thought she turned and stabbed whatever that was threatening her nieces.
I'm sorry for last chapter cliffhanger, without further ado, I will let you know who Cangse Sanren stabbed....
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren’s sword cuts down a fierce corpse just in time as her ribbon pushes older-Yanli to the ground. The woman yelps as she falls, and tiny A-Li rushes to her side, checking for her injury, fortunately still invisible.
At the same time lightning strikes too and the corpse is sent flying as a man in a purple robe runs to them.
Jiang Cheng.
He looks so much like his parents , thinks Cangse Sanren, for a second. He has his mother’s scowl and disregards Cangse Sanren completely to kneel down to Jiang Yanli, wrapping her in a tight hug:
“What are you doing here?” She barks, managing to look both relieved and angry. “The battlefield is dangerous you should—”
“I must find A-Xian, A-Cheng, he-”
She winces, and he hugs her close to his heart, murmuring that everything will be okay, that she is fine and that he will protect her. This is so close to Jiang Fengmian’s voice when he is worried. And Jiang Cheng does look worried as he looks around the battlefield, surrounded by danger. Like he should. Like they all should.
Cangse Sanren has trouble remembering that when Wei Ying—her baby—throws himself in front of Jiang Yanli, his face pale and his eyes bloody red, his voice hoarse and worried. Her heart is shattering right here.
It takes all her strength to not just kneel and wrap him in a hug. It helps as much as it hurts that the man doesn’t even spare a glance in her direction, unlike last time. Someone else is getting the cold shoulder from Wei Wuxian, a Lan dressed in white and blue. Lan Xichen? Lan Zhan? She doesn’t have much time to ponder, as he turns around and protects their back, like she should be doing.
“Help me make a barrier,” she tells him. “Three points barrier protection; where is north?”
He jumps forward and she guesses it means north is where he lands. This is definitely Lan Zhan, she thinks as she walks to the east side, where her core energy would resound the best, facing Wei Wuxian. He will be the third point. Her ribbon expands and curls, making the connection they need for the barrier.
But the protection doesn’t work. Why? Duandai should act up as a vessel and let all of their three spiritual energies run through evenly. Lan Zhan sends her a glance that is almost panicked, and she says:
“Okay, old method it is then!” And uses her sword to parry the corpse that charges them.
Lan Zhan deals with one cultivator who screams about some Yiling patriarch but before Cangse Sanren can see what it is the man is lying on the ground, not dead, but unconscious.
A-Li is still invisible in the middle of it, and Cangse Sanren is reluctant to let wander off too far away, but she is also too scared to get close and let the fighting be anywhere nearer too. Trapped in the middle of the battlefield, surrounded, she wonders if she could just...wrap everyone with her ribbon and fly away to safety.
Probably not.
Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are talking to Jiang Yanli, as if they don’t even see the battlefield they’re on. Cangse Sanren’s gaze falls again on her son, on his pale skin, on the wetness on his cheek as Jiang Yanli caresses his face with so much tenderness that—
“Auntie!” A-Li screams.
Before she knows it, Jiang Yanli pushes Wei Wuxian to the side, Cangse Sanren curses, but she is too far away to do anything as someone charges their blade out. A-Li, however, is not. She uses her hook swords, pulls it around his ankles to make the attacker trip.
“I’m sorry!” She still says, checking the man’s legs to be sure she hadn’t cut the tendon.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t share such concern, she throws herself on the man’s back like a press and as he grumbles, she hits his head with her own sword’s pommel. She must hit her head in the process because her ears ring loudly as she gets up.
“Don’t drop your guard until you get them out of commission, A-Li,” she tells the little girl. “Once you start hitting you never stop until the other is KO or dead, okay?”
A-Li is shaking from head to toe, terrified and, worst of all, visible. But it’s a good thing, she probably saved the day, and Cangse Sanren pats her head a little bit shakily to congratulate her. Still that was a close call, too close to her taste.
“You did great,” she whispers and the little girl gives her one scared smile.
“What the actual heck?!” Begs to differ Jiang Cheng, staring at the mini version of his sister and the woman that looks and sounds like his brother.
Jiang Yanli, the bigger one, is staring too, her face white and just like that, without warning, she faints.
Oh. Okay. This is a little bit worrying. She turns to asks A-Li:
“Did she do that last tim—”
But the little girl is not here anymore. Cangse Sanren jumps right on her feet, her heart beating fast in her chest, she screams:
“A-Li!”
She told her not to wander away! She looks around in the battlefield, trying to spot her tiny figure, but then her heart stops in her chest. Sometimes, during a battle, every sound and color merges, reality becomes abstract, sidelined, as one focuses solely on his breathing and movements. This is not what happens. What she thought were mere tinnitus aren’t, it’s a song, a flute song. Dizi or Xiao, she doesn’t know, but the melody is familiar. Cangse Sanren isn’t overwhelmed by adrenaline right now; yet the world seems to have halted around them.
“She is fine,”
Cangse Sanren turns around as her son’s voice resounds around. Just like in the cave months ago. Just like during the third dream. Wei Wuxian isn’t looking at Cangse Sanren, he is caressing his sister’s cheek as she lays in Jiang Cheng’s arms. Lan Zhan moves slowly in the background. Like he is underwater and they are not. His sword cuts down another person who is trying to interfere. Jiang Cheng’s screams are muted, his voice echoes as he looks at them, Cangse Sanren can see he is trying to communicate, to wake Jiang Yanli’s up in despair, but—
“Our Yanli should be dead at this point, but you saved her...The Iron Yin was confused for a moment. It has given me the opportunity to take back control of the dream,”
He looks at Cangse Sanren for the first time, and his eyes are rimmed with red.
“Your Yanli should be fine—She hasn’t woken up yet, but she is in the space between awakening and—”
“How can I be sure?” Cangse Sanren asks, shaking; different urges fighting inside her.
“I…”
The man pauses and frowns, then after a movement of his wrist, a few notes echoes around. For a brief moment, A-Li’s tiny figure appears again, where she stood only mere seconds ago, she yawns and rubs her eyes.
“Auntie?”
She walks to Cangse Sanren who takes her in her arms and holds her tight, just to be sure. The little girl is warm and pliant. As soon as the little girl is safe in her arms, she nods down. It’s like she is sleeping inside the dream. How weird.
“I can't have her wake up yet, she is, like my tiny self, the core that allows this dream to be,” explains Wei Wuxian. But I didn’t want her on the battlefield too in case I lost control.”
Cangse Sanren looks at the man in front of her. Then around, to the battlefield that seems to be stuck in time, to Lan Zhan, whose movement is halted in a graceful sword stance, to Jiang Cheng who is still hugging his unconscious sister. Duandai answers her call and she leaves A-Li in its care. She knows it will protect the little girl no matter what. Then she drops her sword, and throws caution out of the window because her son is here, and he is talking to her and he is aware—She wraps her arms around his shoulders and hugs him tight. This time, this time —
“You’re not turning into a blob monster anytime soon, are you?” She shokes.
Wei Wuxian shudders at the contact. How many times has he witnessed her giving a hug to her son, on the other side of the reality. How many times did he forbid himself to wonder how it must feel, how warm his mother is, what is her scent... Would she even dare give him a hug, if she knew what he had done? But Cangse Sanren dares and he hears her sobs, or maybe he is the one sobbing, he isn't sure. It’s a little bit confusing. It is everything he dreamt it would be and more. She takes a step back, and for a moment he fears. This is it, she doesn’t believe you, she is a cultivator, she will try to exorcise you and —, but instead she cups his face in her hands and looks at him as if she sees him for the first time.
Maybe because it is.
“You look so beautiful,” she whispers in awe.
“People say I look like you-” He can’t resist saying.
“Nonsense, you’re just like your father! So, so pretty, and this beauty mark on your face—”
Wei Wuxian smiles, his throat too big to talk. She is a little bit biased; he does look like her a lot. But it’s true he does look like his father too. He knows now, now that he can see them everyday, but he didn't before. Jiang Fengmian barely spoke of them, in his reality, as one word could set Yu Ziyuan off; and people rarely thought to compare him to his father to tell anything pleasant. In general it was to remind him he was the son of a servant, nothing more. His mother, the troublemaker genius, whose smile robbed the heart of everyone in her way, and his father the servant. That’s all he got. Except that little bit of memory of them traveling on a donkey. All he knew about them. He is so glad that, at least now, he can tell—
“But you’re so pale and you’re so skinny, do you eat enough, are you—wherever you are—?”
That his mother is a worrywart, for example. Wen Qing would be grinning right now if she heard her, and probably use this opportunity to scold him and force him to eat, surely—
The image of his friend sends a sharp pain in Wei Wuxian’s heart and he is reminded of the predicament he is in, of what he has to do, to tell. He ignores how long he has to speak, as much as it hurts, he can’t waste anymore time on this.
“Mother—”
“Mom—”
He stops, dead in his track, she stares at him right back with a frown.
“You called me mom, in the last dream, call me mom now. I’m…”
She caresses his hair, smoothing it with trembling fingers. Her voice is shaking too:
“What is happening to you A-Ying? What is going on? I don’t understand—”
Wei Wuxian’s throat hurts so much, there have been so many people he loved, but none of them called him A-Ying. He had been Wei Ying for Lan Zhan, he had been A-Xian for his family, XianXian for his sister. Wei Wuxian for the rest of the world, Yiling patriarch for his enemies. And before his death, he had been so sure that Yiling patriarch would be all that there is left to call him, ever.
“I…”
The words are hard to come by, even though he has known he would meet her, that he arranged this whole set up so they could speak, he doesn’t know what to say. He hadn’t thought this through—like a lot of his plans. He just followed his impulse, seizing the opportunity and consequences be damned.
“I don’t know—” he admits. Because if there is one person he can admit his powerlessness to, it is a parent, it is a mother, right?
Cangse Sanren’s face is torn and she brushes his cheek with her thumbs, he hadn’t realized he started crying. She whispers:
“Shh, that’s okay, that’s okay, we’ll figure it out together, then, we—”
She hiccups and looks around, as lost as he is. Maybe even more lost than he is. The least he could do is give her context. It seems like a good start—
“We’re at Nightless city, It’s the last place I remember before—before everything went dark.” He says. “Yanli died, because of me—”
“She died because a bastard tried to stab you from behind!” Cangse Sanren retorts immediately. And for good measure she gives the unconscious body a kick.
“No—You don’t understand, I caused this—I—”
“Stop!”
Cangse Sanren looks at him with a frown.
“You are definitely your father’s son,” she says with a sad expression. “And maybe a little bit of mine, such chaos...Definitely mine...I...A-Ying, I don’t know what you went through, but I can tell you what A-Li told me when she went through this nightmare, what your sister felt. She didn’t think you were responsible for this. She was worried about you, she wanted to save you, and she did, she—”
“She should have let me die!” He roars back.
Wei Wuxian dead is infinitely better than Jiang Yanli being dead! That’s how things should be! He shouldn’t be...He looks around and looks at Lan Zhan, the one who tried to catch his arms as he let himself fall back then, when he gave up on living. He had no wish to remain in a world that didn’t want him, where his sister, A-Yuan, his family, his friends, where everyone he loved were dead—Wei Wuxian know why he feels so conflicted about it, sad and furious at Lan Zhan as he tried to hold him back in vain. Whether Lan Zhan held him or not, the resentful energy was already killing him, causing internal bleeding. He was dying, and Lan Zhan trying to hold him back would only cause him to fall with him. Hasn’t he caused enough death? Would he have to witness everyone he loves fall because of him?
“I should be dead, mom,” he says. “I destroyed the styrgian amulet, the rebound should have killed me, I could feel it in my bones, it was like I was devoured alive—”
“What amulet? What are you talking about?” Cangse Sanren clings to this tiny bit of information that doesn’t hurt, hoping that it will make her son stop wishing for his end.
Wei Wuxian frowns, and he takes out of his robe the amulet. It is not the same, he isn’t sure it’s the real thing, as it is supposed to be broken in many parts. But he has it, he still has it on him. Cangse Sanren hesitates, then takes the thing in her hands, her finger brushing the form, identifying the contour. She frowns as she deciphers the complex spells that are carved in it. A styrgian amulet, which deploys its full power when the two halfs connect, like two sentences that can work alone but reveals its true meaning once put together.
It stinks of resentment.
“What’s...I don’t recognize the metal it’s made from.” She confesses.
“It’s the Iron Yin—” Wei Wuxian says.
She almost drops the whole thing. This is not a spiritual tool, but a demonic one!
“What are you doing with this?! This is dangerous!” She scolds him immediately.
“I know but I had to rely on it—”
The reproch seems to shake Wei Wuxian out of his self-hatred mood, he takes back the amulet and seizes his mother’s wrist.
“Listen to me, since Wen Ruohan got his hand on the Iron Yin again, there will be a war, in ten years or so, the Wen will-”
“They will attack Lotus Pier. We know, we saw the dream last time. But...it is reality? It’s from the future? Are you talking to me from the future thanks to this amulet? I don’t understand—”
Demonic cultivation steps on the laws of reality, it seems logical that if there exists an artifact able to change the past it is from such path, but—Cangse Sanren’s heart shrinks at the idea that her baby might be using it, her master’s words ringing inside her ears: it only brings disasters! And his excuse is so much the same as the one she gave, so many years ago. It’s so weird, to be put in the position of Baoshan Sanren, to be the one who has to say No, don’t do that! When she remembers all too well what is it to be standing on the opposite side, stating: But what can we do, then? Back then she had been furious and hurt, give me a solution, she had wanted to say, if mine are so bad, then give me one, I would gladly take any! Because she hadn’t been blind and stupid, she had seen how bad demonic cultivation was, she had witnessed the death of her friends and family because of her stupid decision.
But just like Baoshan Sanren has none, neither does Cangse Sanren.
“I don’t think we come from the future,” whispers Wei Wuxian, shaking his head. “I…Everything happened already. And I think...We’re not really alive anymore.”
Fears overwhelms Cangse Sanren at the thought, and it must show because Wei Wuxian ads quickly:
“But we’re not dead either, at least...Not completely? It’s like everything is on hold since this moment. I don’t know, this place is the last memory I have then it’s like the Iron Yin swallowed us and when I had my consciousness back, we...you…”
He frowns.
“There was my tiny self right in front of me,”
“You’re tiny self, are you talking about my A-Ying?”
“Well..We can’t be both A-Ying, can we? It would be confusing, right?” He answers with a sad smirk, then he gets serious again and resumes: “—and you were heading to the nighthunt where I could feel all this energy, full of resentment against you and you were lucky it was the iron Yin because otherwise I’m not sure I would have been able to do anything—”
“So you saved us—” Just like she thought. “You can control this?”
“Not completely. I think I can only control what the Iron Yin has poisoned. But last time I tried, I almost killed my tiny self in the process—”
She is finally putting the pieces together of what happened that night. She looks at the amulet, the Iron Yin. It’s a mess in her head still, blurry anc complicated, but she has a vague shape, already, of the problem. She thinks back of what she knows of the iron Yin, what Baoshan Sanren once told: “It cannot be purified. It cannot be destroyed. It always finds a way to avoid it. It always finds a way to come back. It can only be sealed.”
Nothing cannot be purified, in theory. Nothing cannot be destroyed, in theory. The next sentence is the core of the problem, that explains this abnormality. Maybe it’s because she is used to playing on words for spells, but she feels her heart beating faster as she analyzes it again.
It finds a way to avoid it. It always finds a way to come back.
Find a way to come back. Back. Back in time? It would certainly explain why destroying it would be impossible and why there’s two versions of her sons but wouldn’t that mean—That would mean that they did not avoid death, like they thought they had, but that…
“We died?”
She looks at her son, and takes his face in her hands, caressing it again, and she repeats:
“Did we die that night?”
But what she means is: did you grow up all alone, without us?
Wei Wuxian’s expression falls, and he offers her a very sad grin:
“Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu took good care of me,”
But she knows it’s not the truth because, if those nightmares are from his reality, then Madam Yu whipped him, and then they all died and they were all alone and now—now..
“What will you become, in this reality?” She wonders. What happens to lost times the Iron Yin swallows to survive? How are they even—she doesn’t want to understand what it might mean.
“I don’t know,” Says Wei Wuxian, but his words are heavy, it’s the same tone he used when he said last time “all I know is that you cannot save me, but you can save others” he is lying. And very badly, his father does a much better job.
“I will save you—” she swears. “I will find a way for you to get out of the Iron Yin I—”
“You must not touch the iron Yin!”
This is what he said last time, but he is the one to talk! He has an amulet made of Iron Yin in his robe!
“Listen, I don’t know what it will do to you, or anybody! There are millions of souls from my time trapped within...the artifact, or maybe something else, or maybe nothing at all, listen, I'm not sure. But what I'm sure is that they only want one thing; getting out of there and getting their lives back! What if their other self touching the Iron Yin allows them to possess their doubles?!”
And then what if it does exactly as it did for Wen Ning? No cultivator would be able to see they are possessed because it’s just another version of themselves! The ghost general’s soul is incomplete, just like A-Ning’s soul, so the merge didn’t erase each other, but he can’t say it will be the case for normal, full fledged souls. Yet Cangse Sanren refuses to listen:
“I’m dead in your time, so there is no soul version of myself with you, right? So I should be safe then—”
She is so stubborn! Wei Wuxian doesn’t let her finish, instead he rushes it, like suddenly the world has caught fire.
“We don’t have time to think about me—”
“You’re my son: I will always have time for you!” She protests.
He ignores her: “You have to focus on your time only, listen to me, I have a shitty memory so I can’t help you much but—”
She can see how his hands are trembling, how his skin is getting paler and paler and his grasp muddier. It’s like he is melting right in front of her.
“Is it taking back control?” She guesses, and Wei Wuxian nods, and she sees the place he put back the amulet being soaked.
She takes it, hoping to gain some time and throws it away but it doesn’t change anything. Wei Wuxian’s extremities are getting swallowed already by the blob of the last nightmare. She tries to swipe it away but he caught her movement and repeats:
“Don’t touch it, I don't know what it will do to you!”
Last time it almost swallowed her with him after all.
He tries to continue his story but she is barely listening. How could she? When her son is right in front of her and he is being devoured, his face is melting, she tries to hold it in place. She is aware he will not be able to remember anything he says to her right now, she has a terrible memory and she can't’ focus when he looks like that-!
“How—How do we continue? How can I contact you again? If I use the incense burner, in a dream, in this dream—”
“I don’t think it will work? Maybe? I don’t know, “I’m basically just doing trial and errors right now—” he admits. “But I’m not sure it’s good for you to be here, Dad must absolutely never come back into a nightmare like this, he would Qi deviat-”
“You know your father Qi deviated?”
Wei Wuxian gives her a sad smile again and confesses :
“I’m always there, more or less—Everything tiny me can see, I can too.”
“But can’t see you!”
And she feels so guilty about it because he is right there, if he can see, doesn’t it hurt? Isn’t he in pain? She puts a barrier around her son to protect him from nightmares, did she condemn the other to torment in doing so? How could she do this? She didn’t know! How could she fix it? without hurting one of her babies?
“It’s okay,” Wei Wuxian assures, much like she did for him only a short while ago. His eyes lights up suddenly and Cangse Sanren can feels his hope like her own:
“You’ve got an idea!” She guesses. “What is it?”
They have to hurry, Wei Wuxian is almost entirely swallowed already.
“Wen Ning,” Wei Wuxian says. “Wen Ning’s imaginary friend, it’s not what it seems. It’s...It’s a friend that I had...a special bond with in my time. We can still communicate. And Wen Ning can communicate with him too—”
Wen Ning? She knew something was wrong with his condition! She just knew it! This is not the same as directly talking to him, but that’s a start. She can start from there and try to improve it. After all that’s what she is good at, improving things! (Or worsens it, when it comes to real life troubles) Though, Cangse Sanren isn’t sure how much Wen Ning can interact with his imaginary friend. They will have to find a way around it. They will also try to reunite in a dream and—
“Mom—” Wei Wuxian looks at her, he is almost completely gone by now. She cannot touch him anymore without risking to be swallowed too but it is so hard to keep her hands close to her body. She has to fight the urge to dive in and pull him out, she feels the tears gathering in her eyes, her lips trembling.
“I’m saving you, I don’t care what you say, but I’ll find a way to save you both, A-Ying and you—” she swears to keep the sadness away.
He smiles at her and whispers:
“Thank you for believing me—”
And it sounds so important to him that she can’t help but promises:
“Always.”
Her son’s smile disappears behind resentment. She wakes up in her bed, staring at the ceiling, tears rolling in her cheek and her chest, so, so heavy. A-Li is snuggling against her chest, letting a tiny relieved sigh, sleeping peacefully. Her A-Ying frowns in his slumber, safe and sound in her arms. He opens one sleepy eye, and catches his mother’s distress vaguely. His heart beat rises up suddenly, scared that he once again caused it. It’s confusing for him; ever since he got rid of Mr Shadow man, he doesn’t dream anymore—nor does he get nightmares. But it feels like the people who sleepover with him aren’t doing so well, like they catch the nightmares he is supposed to have. That would explain why at one point his parents were reluctant of him sleeping with others...But now, they are okay from time to time, so A-Ying doesn’t get it. If it is dangerous, maybe daddy and mommy would go, as they protect everyone from monsters as cultivators, but they would never let A-Li be at risk. They lie sometimes but it’s white lies, like angry auntie said, it’s only to protect them. It doesn’t make any sense, so A-Ying doesn’t get it. What he gets however it’s that his mother is sad and his heart is heavy inside his chest too, so he hugs her tighter and pats her head, the way she does when he is not okay.
“Mommy did I do something wrong?” He asks. “Are you hurt? A-Qing, is mommy hurt?”
Wen Qing frowns at him, unsure, but doesn’t move. Cangse Sanren smiles and hugs him tight in return too.
“No, you did great, I’m all fine now, and I understand some things I didn't before and it’s all thanks to you.”
A-Ying is puzzled by her statement, but the thought comforts him a bit, it eases the pain in his chest too. He can’t help but yawn again, his eyelids heavy. Now that he is sure his mother is okay again, and that she won’t be sick like his daddy, he feels more than ever that it’s still the middle of the night. He is so tired and the bed is so warm.
“Get back to sleep, A-Ying” Wishes him his father. “We’ve got it.”
And he does so, getting back to sleep.
Wei Changze and Wen Qing, however, remain awake and worried. As soon as the boy’s breathing evens out, they inquire:
“How did it go?”
Cangse Sanren tries to speak, she really tries, and she hugs her son and niece closer, as a sob breaks through her throat. After a long, very long time that worries Wei Changze, she manages to say:
“It went well.”
She needs to tell them what she discovered tonight.
Notes:
I hope you all liked this chapter ^^
Next time we're back to the kind of chapter last one first half was (so lot of things happening and mostly fluff) I hope you'll like it too ! I like it a lot U-U
And I want to tell you all that I'm officially writing the Lan parents' backstory (and it starts at chapter 88 !) I'm considering the possibility to make an enormous chapter with all eh flash back rather than split it (because I want to stay under the 100 chapters xo) what do you think? Several tiny chapters about the Lan parents' past or two big ones (one for each parent) ?
Now I wish you all a good week and see you on Friday with next chapter ;)
Chapter 83: One step ahead-
Notes:
Soooo...hm. Second lockdown for my country....I don't know how to feel right now. I will have only two days of work-at-home during this lockdown though (so it's a bit "better" than last time). I think I will be able to write as usual though. Let's hope =) I also hope everything is doing better at your places, dear readers and I wish you all to stay safe and healthy !
Previous chapter's summary (previously on) --> Cangse Sanren and A-Li managed to save Jiang Yanli's life but as soon as they succeeded, Wei Wuxian, the Yiling patriarch, managed to take control of the nightmare. It allowed Cangse Sanren to finally meet her son, and Wei Wuxian to get a hug from his mother. He tried to tell her about his condition ; how his timeline somehow ended at the nightless city siege and how everything went dark after it until he awoke in his tiny self's body. Cangse Sanren guesses that somehow the Iron Yin can goes back in time to avoid destruction. Wei Wuxian tries to warn her about the future events, but they lacked time. In the end he told her to talk to A-Ning's imaginary friend, the ghost general. A-Ning seems to be able to communicate with him, while Wei Wuxian cannot do that wit his tiny self. As the Iron Yin took back control of the dream and ended it, Cangse Sanren promised to save her son, no matter what. Unconvinced, Wei Wuxian thanked her still for believing his words.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Meng Yao is not used to sleeping in the open. As a baby, he has been hidden under a broken laden of the floor, in a secret hide-out meant for jewelry. As a child he had been relocated inside the closet in his mother’s room, or sometimes Sisi’s. He slept well while being in the Jiang sect’s infirmary only because he had been under heavy medication each night—in order to make sure he didn’t move at all, the combination of enchantments and needles have to stay in the same place to do their magic. Now he has been freed from it and given a bed in the disciple building, inside the dormitory. Aside from the fact that he doesn’t feel very safe sleeping near the boy who wanted him out for weeks—even if the boy changed his mind—he doesn’t rest well at all with nothing around protecting him. So he often sneaks out to get to his mother and Sisi’s room in the middle of the night and curls in the bed, his face against the wall. It happens that the wall is thin and he can hear the commotion coming from the Wei quarters tonight. So he wakes up, startled by the echo of a discussion. Meng Shi mumbles in her slumber, and he manages to get out of her arms discreetly to see what’s up.
Wen Qing is the one he meets first and she explains that Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze went to speak to the sect leader. In the middle of the night. While Jiang Yanli is currently brought back to her room by Yinzhu and Jinzhu.
It’s not that Meng Yao mistrusts Wei Changze, but he is suddenly very scared something awful is happening and that it will lead to him losing his new found home and family.
“It’s okay, I will check on them, you stay with your brother and A-Ying in case they wake up,” he tells Wen Qing, his heart beating so loud in his ears that he barely gets her answer.
He has faith in Wei Changze and the Jiang sect to protect him and not throw him away, but that doesn’t mean that a disaster or unplanned event cannot occur and force them to do it against their will anyways. And Meng Yao wants to be prepared in that case.
It’s the fear that is talking to him, and pushes him to go to the main hall, where he knows the four adults will meet. It’s also fear that makes him freeze right at the front door and hesitate before he announces himself.
It’s lucky that when he finally opens his mouth to speak up Cangse Sanren’s voice covers his, because what she says definitely convinces him to shut the hell up and listen until the end.
***
It doesn’t take long to convince Wei Changze Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan of what she saw in the incense burner dream. After all they were all already accepting that what they saw might come to be. Actually the hardest part is to make them understand that she is not manipulated by the Iron Yin, and that it is indeed her son she talked with.
“How can you be sure?” Asks Jiang Fengmian. “The Iron Yin is known for manipulating its owner.”
The truth is, she just knows.
“It’s my son”, she tells stubbornly, and looks at Yu Ziyuan, trying to find an ally in her: “Mothers can tell.”
Yu Ziyuan sighs, she doesn’t know if her argument worked with her, but she doesn’t deny it. Which is a good sign.
“She doesn’t own any Iron Yin on her, and neither does A-Xian,” she says, even.
Jiang Fengmian doesn’t seem convinced, but he hates closing doors or paths, even while doubting. What if it is indeed Wei Wuxian, and not the Iron Yin? He doesn’t dare abandon someone who might need help, so he says:
“Let’s split the role, you act as if it is Wei Wuxian, and we—” he points to Yu Ziyuan and himself. “ We act as if it’s the Iron Yin, that way we’ll be prepared for both outcomes.”
It is a bit frustrating, but this is the compromise they come up with, and at least Jiang Fengmian is not cruel enough to ask them to leave their possible son in peril, he takes the full responsibility for it.
Wei Changze however remains silent. At first she thinks he doubts her, but when they are alone together, back to their room, he asks her, pitiful:
“He doesn’t want to see me?”
His voice is full of pain. Is it because last time, in the third nightmare, he rejected him and saved Cangse Sanren, treating him like a monster? If so he could understand this decision, but he feels so awful for making it. Cangse Sanren sees this and quickly clarifies:
“No, he wants to see you, of course he wants to, you're his father...but it’s your health, he is worried about you Qi deviating during a nightmare.”
“Heck with my health! I’m tired of you all worrying about my health. I thought fighting the nightmare and getting rid of it was supposed to erase such risks—”
“It does, but...We aren’t sure, and I...He is not willing to take the risk to lose you. He loves you, Changze.”
Wei Changze looks down for a long, long moment, before he finally says:
“He lost us? The first time around? We died, and we left him all alone?”
There’s nothing much to say; she bears the same guilt. She cannot imagine how much it hurts him to think he has done what his parents did, but to their baby. Sure it is not the same, but she knows her husband well, she is sure that in his head such nuance doesn’t matter much, only the result does. So she hugs him tight and whispers:
“We’re not leaving him this time. And as long as he is there, somewhat alive, that means we can save him. And that’s what we’ll do.”
It’s the only consolation she can offer as the past is...in theory, irremediable. It appears it is not in the end but she will dwell on that later. Cangse Sanren lives in the present, and her eyes are focused on the future, she cannot afford to be lost in the past too long, she saw first hand how the past could destroy a person. To her surprise, she can feel when Changze hugs her back and promises:
“We will save them both.”
With the two of them working on it, she has no doubt they will find a solution, no matter how long it takes. She hopes wherever he is, Wei Wuxian can hear and see them like he told her. That he knows he isn’t alone.
Unfortunately Wei Wuxian doesn’t hear them, his consciousness fights the iron Yin right now, exhausted after pulling up a trick and possessing his dream self. But, as he fights he can hear a familiar song. He doesn’t feel alone.
***
The Wei couple is not the only one taking the news hard; Jiang Fengmian stares at the darkness in his room, wondering if the boy he met in the dream, the one he had to raise because his friends died is hiding there somewhere. Even if he forces himself to think of this as an illusion, a manipulation from the tainted artifact, he can’t help but wonder. He thinks of how much he failed him, in this future, by letting the war happen, by dying so soon. He can’t help but visit his own kids' room and rub their backs as they sleep, promising, this time, to do better and make sure they live and grow up in peace.
Yu Ziyuan is not doing much better; when she saw herself whip the boy in the nightmare she revolted against the idea, thinking I would never do that! Though, deep down, the doubt remains, as she knew she would be able to do that, if she had to. Now, she is sure that not only is she able, but in some other timeline she did it.
It hurt so much. She is so disappointed in herself. If this is indeed a trick for the Iron Yin to scare her, it’s working well.
Unlike Fengmian she doesn’t look for a ghost to apologize to him, she doesn’t dare. If he's anything like his father, then words would mean nothing: she is going to prove the boy she hurt that she has changed.
I won’t let this happen again, she promises herself in the dead of the night.
***
Meng Yao returns to his mother’s room, deep in thoughts. He hadn’t understood completely what the adults meant, but he heard enough to get that there is something wrong, very wrong, about to happen. A war. With the Wen. and something about a special iron metal and a lost timeline. He isn’t sure yet, but he believes in what they say. After all, if cultivators can fly on swords, why couldn’t they time-travel? And it’s Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren, they joke a lot and lie sometimes but they mean well. Such nonsense can do no good. It has no purpose. So it must be true.
“A-Yao?” Mumbles Sisi, opening one eye.
She has always been a light sleeper, unlike Meng Shi. She probably woke up because of the commotion too. But hadn’t realized the boy had left—probably hadn’t realized the boy was there, in Meng Shi’s bed, in the first place. He could be really silent when he wanted to. Her next words confirms his doubts:
“Did you have a nightmare? Are you worried because of the noise outside?”
Meng Yao can only nod, his voice tight with worry. And Sisi’s expression eases. She opens her arms and whispers:
“Come here, you’ll wake up Meng Shi and she needs to sleep. Training is hard on her.”
He obeys, grateful to have someone to cling to in this moment. She kisses the top of his head and rubs his back.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s nothing dangerous, if it was, Changze would tell me.”
He hiccups. He doesn’t want Sisi to feel hurt again because his brother is hiding something to her. But maybe Wei Changze will tell her one day, just not today, and he cannot betray his mentor like that by telling first. But on the other hand, if he doesn’t...Then it’s his second mother who will be betrayed, by her family, once again. He doesn't know what to think though, or what to do. He needs more info to make a plan, but he doubts the adult will let him in the secret. Yet he doesn’t think he will feel safe until he is sure that whatever is about to happen, no one is going to die or turn into a monster, like they say it did for Yanli or Wei Wuxian, and that no one’s house is getting burned and no one is getting stabbed in the back by family.
So as he closes his eyes, curling up under the blanket, his second mother’s warmth close, he swallows down the fear and plots.
***
After the incense burner’s dream, many things change, for all of them. First things first, Yanli gets the biggest confidence boost they ever witnessed her having.
She retells her father and mother about the dream and how she saved herself from an adult with her hook swords almost single handedly, three times. Both of them are a little bit thrown out by what she tells them; as they knew the summary of her nightmares but not the details, since the girl didn’t want to share it with them...She has no problem with it now, since it’s dealt with and she isn’t afraid anymore. But her parents are definitely getting all the worry and the fear they should have had before now. Nonetheless they hide it well for her sake: Jiang Fengmian pats her head, and tells her he is very proud. Yu Ziyuan however stares at Cangse Sanren with a frown each time Yanli recalls she had to take down the adult on her own. You promised you would protect her, her eyes silently accuse, and Cangse Sanren replies each time: “Hey, I did knock off the man in the end!” When Yu Ziyuan stops telling her sworn sister she is the worst babysitter ever, she does take the time to tell her daughter she did very well.
At the very least, this adventure in the incense burner got rid of her last doubts about training. She isn’t the strongest, she never will be, but now she can defend herself and her loved ones and she knows it. The knowledge gives her the strength she lacked until now.
Cangse Sanren also talks to Wen Ning more often about his imaginary friend, and so does everyone else. The boy beams at the attention and the adults’ trust. He tells them everything his “ghost general” shares with him, but it’s mostly kids bluberish. The boy is probably too young to get what the spirit is trying to tell him, or maybe the spirit doesn’t want to share awful premonitions about wars and death. After all, Wen Ning is barely recovering from his parent’s deaths too. His granny and cousins come to see him every month, but it’s not the same at all.
The boy must know, though, deep down, that something is dangerous. He always plays hide and seek with Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian when a Wen soldier arrives at Lotus Pier, under Wen Ruohan’s order, to check on them. They have to force him to interact with any of them (even the teacher Sect leader Wen sends). It doesn’t help that Meng Yao always helps covering the boy in those moments, keeping the Wen intendant busy or outright lying to him about where he saw the boy last. Wei Changze has to tell his ward to stop at one point.
“Wen Ning and Wen Qing have to follow the Wen envoyee’s lessons, otherwise Wen Ruohan might think we are taking them as hostages.” he poses, and adds: “Besides, your lies aren’t very good, I will teach you how to make better ones, if you promise not to use it with us and stop doing what you do when I ask you.”
It’s the only argument that seems to work. A-Ning looks absolutely broken-hearted each time he has to leave the Jiang, Meng or Wei, even if it’s only for an hour. Wen Qing hides her annoyance a little bit better and listens to whatever lesson the Wei envoyee teaches them. Yet the Wen envoyee says that Wen Ning isn’t up to the Wen’s standards and they should be taken back if they continue to misbehave.
“Listen, if you behave well with the Wen messenger and show him you’re happy here,” tells Jiang Fengmian one day, to A-Ning “Then I will take you to the training field, and teach you how to shoot with a bow.”
The boy always has stars in his eyes when he looks at the shooting kites game, so of course he agrees wholeheartedly.
“You take Ghost General with me?” He adds. “He misses s-shooting.”
Jiang Fengmian isn’t sure what to think of that, but he promises. Every three days he uses a possession talisman on the boy and asks the doctor to check the boy’s yin energy and resentment level, just to be sure. But nothing is wrong with him; even his yin energy level is within normal range given his spiritual wound and his age.
The only thing the adults can do, is to make sure A-Ning is in a nice environment where he knows they care about him and not only what his imaginary friend can tell them. And also that he can tell them everything and hope that the day he gets more from the ghost general, he will share it with them. Which is easier said than done but they’re working on that.
Of course since Wen Ning is allowed to come to the shooting kite game, Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng manage to find a way to be invited too. Wen Qing passes, and prefers to train with Meng Shi, Yinzhu and Jinzhu. They’re throwing daggers and needles, rather than arrows, but their aim is just as good. Sisi tries to do the same, and spends half an hour frowning trying to see the target in the far and blurry distance, in vain. She gives up on it the day she almost stabs Yinzhu (she claims it is an accident, and Jinzhu single handedly stopped the dagger in mid-air with two fingers anyways). It is decided after that session that Sisi will be, like A-Li, be trained with a special weapon that is more suited to her style. She ends up with a bow staff. Meng Yao surprisingly fits in Yu Ziyuan’s whip lessons with Jiang Cheng.
Cangse Sanren’s next invention she finishes is the barrier that surrounds Lotus Pier. It takes a few tries, but with the help of Jiang Yanli and Yu Ziyuan, she sews robes for Wei Changze and her that allows them to see Mr Shadow Man, too.
One of the reasons why Cansge Sanren is sure it isn’t the Iron yin, is because of the exact wording she came up with to see Wie Wuxian. “Show me those lost in time” she sewed. And it is only then that the figure started to appear around Lotus Pier.
They fail to communicate with him under this form, though, no matter how she complexifies the enchantment of her robe. She just can’t find the good wording yet to reach him. So Cangse Sanren starts using the incense burner some nights, when she goes to sleep in her son’s bed, hoping to get swapped inside a dream by accident. Wei Ying doesn’t complain at all, as he gets more time with his mother and gradually understands there’s less risk of hurting people he shares a room with. He explains more seriously to Meng Yao than before his nightmares were contagious, but not anymore, and Meng Yao sends a puzzled look to Wei Changze. Now Wei Ying explains that sometimes, thanks to the incense burner he has a nice dream with his mother and it’s very funny. So good dreams are contagious too, he concludes.
Yet even under the incense burner spell Cangse Sanren doesn’t see her other son, Wei Wuxian, again. It doesn’t work. (She considers the idea of building another incense burner, with modified spell, whose purpose would be solely to communicate with those lost in time, but it might take awhile—the first one took her nine months, a construction time that cannot be reduced because of stupid stars and fengshui requirements, and she had an instruction manual guiding her it.) What works however is that sometimes, Wen Ning is invited to join too, and that’s how Cangse Sanren finally meets the ghost General one day.
Let’s say that meeting a dead corpse brought to life by her other son from another timeline, thanks to some demonic cultivation (again!) is quite an experience. She is not sure what she thinks about it (except that if she finds her baby A-Ying playing with demonic cultivation she is kicking his butt). The corpse is surprisingly nice though; not the “gaaaah I will eat your flesh” kind she is used to dealing with. He promises to protect A-Ning at all costs and helps them all when he can.
He doesn’t know much about the Jiang’s side of the story but he is willing to tell everything he can about the Wen’s, even though he has little to offer since his sister sheltered and protected him from everything she could.
“Thank you for protecting her this time, my s-sister deserves to have a childhood,” he tells her with a grateful bow.
“I’m not sure how much of a childhood she is having, right now, she spends all her time studying medicine rather than playing,” admits Cangse Sanren.
Tiny A-Ning beams: “That's how sister plays!” and the ghost general nods to confirm.
Still, listening to the corpse’ tales makes Cangse Sanren glad they found a way to keep the Wen kids at the Jiang sect. This is awful; and it confirms what they feared, that Zhao Zhuliu is indeed already among the Wen.
“He is still Zhao Zhuliu though”, says the Ghost General. “I was there the d-day he got the Wen surname, he protected Sect Leader from an assassin’s attack and got rewarded f-for it.”
Cangse Sanren jumps on that occasion; this might be the solution to all their problems, if they could just allow the assassin to succeed, Wen Ruohan would be gone—no war! And Zhao Zhuliu might be brought back to Lotus Pier under Yu Ziyuan’s protection! It’s a bit awful to plan someone’s murder, but she manages find a loophole by thinking that she isn’t the one killing killing, she just lets it happen!...Or maybe not, knowing Jiang Fengmian, he would rather stop the assassination attempt so he could prove to Wen Ruohan that he is his ally and then maybe, prevent the war through peaceful discussions. After all, who knows how much this assassination attempt helped Wen Ruohan deciding “yeah this is war!”...If Cangse Sanren was in his shoes, she would definitely not like being targeted by assassins. (She would get it though, she could be a little bit annoying, but not to the point of people wanting to kill her!...Not yet at least. Except Qiren, maybe Qiren wants her dead. But he is a good guy he wouldn’t do that.)
“Do you remember anything about this attempt?” She asks the Ghost general.
But the man shakes his head.
“I couldn’t see the assassin well, as sister protected me, but uncle’s paranoia increased after this and my s-sister started to cure him from Iron Yin poisoning.”
Wen Qing has the potential to understand the Iron Yin’s influence then, that’s good to know too. Though this will happen only in a few years and after the assassination attempt; so she focuses on that.
“But you have a date, or an event that was close to?”
The ghost general pauses, and eyes the little boy playing on Cangse Sanren’s laps before he resumes, choosing his words carefully: “A-Actually, I r-remember it was it was not long after he took care of Sect Leader Nie.”
“Sect leader Nie?” She repeats, aware of the meaning.
The ghost general nods and Cangse Sanren’s heart sinks. Yeah the man isn’t very pleasant while inebriated, but he is a nice man otherwise, a cool and very loving dad from what she could see during the conference.
Wen Ning continues:
“It happened during the next conference. H-He bragged about weapons and somehow that ended with a duel, probably damaging the man’s saber with a piece of the Iron Yin. I don’t know much about what it did, but six months l-later the saber broke during a nighthunt and the man didn’t see the next y-year. The Nie sect accused uncle of murdering their leader but they c-couldn’t find a proof. Nie Mingjue didn’t become the l-leader right away, I r-remember uncle saying he was too young and the Nie elders wouldn’t allow it. Not long after the assassination happened...I think there was a talk about the Nie sect being accused of sending th-them, and Uncle asked c-compensation, and it took some years of argument until uncle found some kind of proof that the assassin was part of the Nie, but I’m not sure w-what. I-It must have been undeniable b-because he a-asked for Wen Xu to become the next Nie Sect Leader to atone for it, as i-it was his right because of some o-of genealogy. The Nie Elders refused, and sent their second Madam; saying she was the one behind the a-attempt and Nie Mingjue took the seat before his crowning. S-Sister said it was the Nie elders’ answer to Wen Xu’s claim. They p-paid the b-blood price to be free of it and p-put someone else on the throne to be s-sure to keep it.”
“What happened to the second madam Nie?” Asks Cangse Sanren.
It makes sense for the Nie clan to deliver a culprit to pay the blood price, so she is afraid she gets the political implication behind this decision; which means she definitely spends too much time around Fengmian. But she is also very angry that the Nie sect just decided that orphaning their heir by taking their only remaining parent would be better.
The ghost general looks sorry as he admits:
“She w-was executed in the fire palace.”
The knowledge puts Cangse Sanren in deep thoughts, but the Ghost general continued:
“A-After that my sister was good enough of a doctor t-to check the people with melted cores and s-she started studying it more often. But she never let me get close to Wen Zhuliu again. I am sorry I can’t tell you much about him. Some people like y-your son and my sister are important and change the world...and some are...merely there. I’m a-afraid I’m the second kind, I don’t know much about a-anything. Except what he did in my time, during the war...”
There’s a dead silence between them, only broken by A-Ning’s childish blabbering in the middle. He is much more talkative in dreams than in reality. Cangse Sanren ponders this, wondering how much she can learn about the war, without the toddler understanding too much. It is hard to say with children this old. But on the other hand she has to know more about it, if they want to prevent it from happening.
One of the other differences between A-Ying and A-Ning’s condition seems to be their presence in the dream too. She never saw her baby with one of the memories, and her future-son told her he acted like the core of the spell. It’s good, because that means A-Ying isn’t traumatized by the nightmares like they were, but...That also means Cangse Sanren can’t communicate with her future-son like she does with A-Ning apparently. Which she should deal with right now:
“A-Ning, do you want to play?” She tells the baby, and the boy nods firmly. She manages to find him somewhat occupied with Duandai, while the Ghost general tells her all he knows.
Cangse Sanren is happy she is in a dream, otherwise she would have grown sick to her stomach. A-Ning tells her about his studies at Cloud Recesses, about the attack on Lotus Pier, about saving Jiang Cheng from the Wen’s clutch and Wei Ying’s sacrifice of his golden core.
She gasps and suddenly understands why she couldn’t form a barrier with him as a third point. if he didn’t have any spiritual energy, of course, the formation failed! And that is why he told him he had no choice but use the amulet and the resentful energy. Of course, it’s the only energy one can manipulate without a golden core. The surprise doesn’t even end there: a core removal surgery? How the heck did little Wen Qing ever manage to do that? She wouldn’t know where to start, the idea itself makes her want to throw up. This is both revolutionary and terrifying. Her curiosity wants the little girl to become such a skilled doctor so she could witness this happening, but her motherly side roars loudly at the concept; as it is her son’s core that they are talking about. His very life as a cultivator!
And the worst is the lie that her baby pulled to hide the sacrifice he made to everyone, including his own family.
“His father is going to be so mad at such an awful lie!” She can’t help but snort.
The Ghost general nods: “Wei Changze does seem to be a better liar than his son.”
It doesn’t sound like a compliment, but to be honest her remark wasn’t so amused either, it’s tainted with the horror of the whole situation and her powerlessness.
“D-Do you want to hear more about your son?” The ghost general adds, though, almost shyly.
Yet he must have noticed how she hated the story so far, and starts showering “young master Wei” with compliments. It is evident, after a few sentences, how much he admires and cares for him. She didn’t have a lot of time to spend with her son, but she is happy that he has grown up a good enough man to inspire such loyalty. And that’s how she learns that despite what Wei Wuxian said when she met him, her son is courageous, brave and righteous, if the ghost general’s stories are anything to judge from.
“You said you were the kind of person that is merely there,” she tells the Ghost General, once, during his story. “But that’s not true, you saved my son after Lotus Pier’s destruction.”
And she will be forever grateful for that. The ghost general doesn’t seem to be comforted by her words though.
The incense burner allows her to see some memories, in the shape of a dream, alongside the ghost general. He doesn’t show her the most tragic ones, as baby A-Ning is there too and no one wants to drag him on a battlefield, he apologizes for that. But she is glad he doesn’t, because it allows her to see that her son wasn’t all alone before the end, that whatever happened, he had friends and even a kid (her grandson!). And he built a community in burial mounds out of all places! The irony.
“You being there was important.” She repeats, and the Ghost general shakes his head:
“If I hadn't been there, things wouldn’t have turned out this b-bad.”
What is it with all those future people not acknowledging all their good acts and only their bad ones?
Cangse Sanren decides to be annoyed at someone other than the living corpse in front of her, as clearly he has been through death, quite literally, already. So she is a bit angry at Baoshan Sanren for not offering the Wen to hide in her secret village; she knows, for living there, that she must have been aware of their presence. But Baoshan Sanren stuck to her vow to not interfere with the outside world’s matters anymore. Not even for her innocent disciple’s orphan.
If she ever sees her adoptive mother again, she will hug her then kick her in the chin. She deserves it.
The ghost general doesn’t show her the atrocities he went through, but he still tells her. What he shares about the Jin clan’s actions after the war is worrying too. The Ghost general hesitates, tries to tell something about Jin Zixuan, but baby A-Ning looks up, recognizing a name and he doesn’t go further.
After this meeting, Cangse Sanren relays everything she learned to Yu Ziyuan, who then promises to push her sworn sister to make her son the sect leader as soon as she can. She doesn’t talk about Wen Zhuliu, as if she has given up on him. Jiang Fengmian however, has not:
“We will try to use this knowledge to our advantage, if it isn’t a manipulation from the Iron Yin” he says, as optimistic as always: “Right after the war, if there is still one, we will be able to take actions and stop that from happening,”
She also tells him about the assassins and the Nie. It is a good guess that the assassins might be from their clan, given the timing, but with such a vague date it’s hard to do anything. They aren’t sure there’s anything they can do about it, except maybe stop the duel from happening if they witness it, which would save a Sect leader from dying and thus any assassins from being sent. But there’s so many things they don’t know yet. None of them know.
“Next time Madam Jin visits, Meng Yao will have to go somewhere. We could send him to the Unclean realm with Changze. He is friends with the young masters after all. There he would be able to test the water and see if he could...warn Sect leader Nie somehow.” Jiang Fengmian promises though he doesn’t know how one could warn them about being killed in a duel, then his wife sending assassins, getting caught and being executed for it while his son is given the lead of the sect while wearing white for both of his parents. But if there is someone able to come up with a believable story to warn them, it’s Wei Changze.
But that’s only if it’s not Iron Yin manipulation, and it shouldn’t happen before a few more years. So he focuses on the most urgent and practical things to do.
He orders Cangse Sanren, again: “Write a manual of everything you learned about this future too, before you forget important details.”
“Me? Forgetting stuff? It’s not my style!” She jokes.
It’s the one time she doesn’t complain about having to write down a manual.
As she exits the hall and stares at where her son is playing with his cat (putting a hand on the animal’s tail so it can stop swinging furiously). Next to him she spots the Shadow monster.
“I’m proud of you,” she tells Mr. Shadow man, hoping he can hear her still.
One day, she will make her own version of the incense burner and be able to tell him to his face, she swears. For now this is all she can do. The monster barely reacts to her, but he moves to the shades after that, like a lazy cat would do under a sun ray. She doesn’t know, but this time, Wei Wuxian can, and does hear her. Even though he doesn’t get what he did that deserves such a compliment today.
They discover that when the Ghost general tries to talk to Cangse Sanren and the Yiling patriarch at the same time, the dream ends immediately, so they talk one after another, relaying messages. Unfortunately they also discover that those trips with the normal incense burner have unexpected side effects: first, Wen Ning gets a fever every time they use it with him. So they try to limit it as much as possible, even if it hurts not being able to communicate with the ghost general (and hence her son) they agree that the boy’s health should be their priority.
The boy is frail, so very frail, they learn the following year after his arrival at Lotus Pier.
While Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, Meng Yao (despite his late start) and (surprisingly precocious) Wei Ying’s core building is doing great, A-Ning struggles a lot with basic exercises and falls sick every time he trains too hard. They make him enchanted robe, his sister brews him medecine, and he is taking extra classes with Meng Shi, Sisi, Yinzhu and Jinzhu, but it doesn’t change much. He is just not gifted with cultivation skills, despite his bloodline.
Jiang Cheng, who hates being inferior to Wei Ying apparently (even though they tell him Wei Ying’s progression isn’t normal and that Jiang Cheng is doing just fine, even more than fine) takes extra classes with A-Ning too, so that helps the boy not lose confidence.
But it isn’t enough for Jiang Cheng to close the gap that is increasing between A-Ying and him. At one point, after Wei Ying beats Jiang Cheng in a training duel one time too many, the boy throws his weapon on the ground and runs away yelling that Wei Wuxian isn't his brother anymore and that he likes A-Ning and Meng Yao better. Which of course causes multiple heartbreaks. A-Ying tries to hide the pain by laughing it off and making jokes just like his mother and it alarms the inventor a great deal. While Cangse Sanren cares for her son with the help of her husband, the Wen siblings and Meng Yao, Jiang Fengmian sighs, and with Yu Ziyuan they go look for Jiang Cheng, A-Li following them closely. They find him huddled in his dogs’ shelter, sniffing and hugging them tight.
It’s during moments like these that Jiang Fengmian is happy he listened to his wife and friends and didn’t throw the boy’s pets away. He never would have thought his son could be so tender and caring, or even in so much need for affection, if he hadn’t seen him running to his puppies to seek comfort so often.
Yanli is the one who coerces to get out and go to speak to his parents on the terrace. He seems completely convinced they are going to punish him, when he finally faces them.
“Why would you think that?” Jiang Fengmian asks.
“I’m not as good as A-Xian,” the boy sniffs, his eyes rimmed with red. “And I’m supposed to be the sect heir, but I'm not the best. And I threw a tantrum.”
“Yes, and you shouldn't have thrown a tantrum,” admits Jiang Fengmian. “You’ll reflect on that in the ancestral hall.”
The boy yelps pitifully, looking down. His answer breaks a bit of Yu Ziyuan’s heart. She knows the bite of jealousy after all.
“Of course you’re not as good as A-Xian,” she sighs. “He is a genius much like his mother, and you’re my son…”
Her words depress them both in one swoop. As much as she cares for Cangse Sanren now, the past few months where the inventor kept finding new solutions one after another had been hard on her pride too. She doesn’t resent the woman anymore but it still hurts to be rubbed with her greatness every day. Jiang Fengmian, who doesn’t like to see his lady and son like that, tries to find the right words. He cracks his head upside down and says, maybe a bit too teasing:
“Do you know what your mother has, and your aunt doesn’t?”
Both Jiang Cheng and Yu Ziyuan look at him, curious and surprised:
“No?”
“Survival instincts.” Jiang Fengmian states.
“Hey!”
Cangse Sanren appears on the terrace with a red-eyes A-Ying in her arms, her husband...And well almost everyone is hiding a few meters away. Jiang Yanli might have gone back to call for back-up. And the back-up is useful, because Wei Changze gives his wife one glance and says:
“Well, that’s true.”
“You traitor!” I have survival instincts. ” She says, scoffing the word like it’s an insult.
“Last week, you and your son glued one wind and one fire talisman together to see if it would control flames better. It exploded.” Yu Ziyuan reminds them.
A-Ying giggles at the memory. Cangse Sanren blushes.
“I must admit it was not my brightest idea,”
“Neither was it your stupidest,” adds Yu Ziyuan. “And that’s what’s worrying.”
And no one defending the genius inventor confirms it. Wei Changze shrugs because he can’t say anything; it’s sad to say but he admits he doesn’t have a survival instinct either, so he really can’t defend his wife in that field. Jiang Fengmian turns to his son, happy to be proven right and whispers, patting his head:
“See, everyone has their own qualities and flaws. Sect leader heirs need survival instincts more than anything.”
“And mother gave me that!” States Jiang Cheng, his lips slightly curving up.
“I gave you that,” confirms Yu Ziyuan, almost smiling too.
Though, maybe not the best survival instinct there is, as she defended the sect against a whole army with only herself and her two maids, in the nightmarish future. But still, it’s a better one that whatever Cangse Sanren gave off to her kid!
That evening, the two brothers somehow make up, as A-Cheng states that since Wei Ying doesn’t have a survival instinct, A-Cheng will protect him. Meng Yao says that A-Cheng’s forte is definitely protection, which does lift the boy’s mood even more. A-Ying somehow gets back the top spot of A-Cheng’s favorite brother after he announces that since his forte is being smart and that he will help A-Cheng develop the sect one day, like his father and mother do with uncle. Wen Qing snorts and says “You better stay brothers because I’m not giving any of you my A-Ning.” And Yanli makes them all soup so they can shut up and stop arguing with each other (though she doesn’t present it like that).
Wei Changze stares at the whole deal for a while, then whispers something to Jiang Fengmian’s ears who nods in return. After that, both Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze take A-Cheng on a small walk around the pier.
“You know, we all have our forte, now,” Jiang Fengmian starts, unsure, and A-Cheng frowns at his father’s tone.
“It’s also true regarding cultivation training,” clarifies Wei Changze. “People are better in one field or another, and there’s nothing you can do against that. Look, Meng Yao and A-Li started at the same age, a little bit late, but they are growing at a very different pace. While A-Ying is obviously being very talented, that doesn’t mean you aren’t doing well.”
“And being the sect heir doesn’t mean you have to be the best at everything, A-Cheng,” Adds Fengmian. “What matters is that you’re good at what the sect needs you to do.”
“What’s that?” Wonders A-Cheng. He frowns and asks, obviously not eager: “Paper work?”
Jiang Fengmian snorts, he can’t help it.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to,” he admits. “But I will teach you that, one day. You've got time before you have to do paperwork. And even when you do, you’ll get some help like I do.”
Wei Changze smiles at that, but continues to work toward his goal, which is to cheer A-Cheng up.
“If you feel like you can’t compare to A-Ying in some field, switch to another one.”
“Like what?”
“Pet cultivation? I don’t know if you’ve noticed but your dogs are really well behaved, while Wufa is a cute but not a very obedient cat.”
A-Cheng smirks, that’s true!
“We can start training your dogs so they can become spiritual beasts, it will take time, and I’ve never heard about a cultivator having three spiritual beasts...so it will be hard, but…”
“I want to try!” States Jiang Cheng, his eyes lighting up at the idea to be special in a way no one else is, especially A-Xian.
Surely he can't form a core as fast as his brother, but he can definitely do that.
“You’ll need a very large amount of spiritual energy and good stamina,” Wei Changze warns him. “Fortunately for you, I have some tips and it requires just hard work and stubbornness.”
Jiang cheng is definitely intrigued. While lacking talent in comparison to A-Xian (and it angers him to admit it) they are somewhat equal in stubbornness. A-Xian definitely hates hard work, especially when the subject does not interest him. (But when the subject does interest him, he forgets to eat and sleep and knows no rest until he is satisfied, like auntie and A-Cheng has to make sure he doesn’t get sick like his father does with uncle). So there’s room for A-cheng to be better here:
“What’s the way?”
“When you’ll be old enough to fly on a sword, do exactly like your auntie; ride it all day long.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, believe me, her stamina is increasing faster than ever and she is sure it’s thanks to that. Spiritual energy is like a muscle, the more you train the larger it gets.”
Jiang Cheng stays silent at it, and he remains as much until the end of the walk, deep in thoughts. It’s okay, he has time before making a decision. But the following day he looks at his auntie as she flies through Lotus Pier with envy. Even though Cangse Sanren does it less and less.
There’s a second side effect to the incense burner use, which is good: Cangse Sanren’s rehabilitation exercises are easier and she finally starts to heal at a correct pace.
“Did you start doing mental exercises before going to bed, like I told you?” Asks her Lan Yuan, when he comes to visit one day.
Cangse Sanren doesn’t answer, because she doesn’t want to admit he has been right. It is probably due to the fact she is walking when she is inside the incense burner’s dreams.
“Do you think I will be able to walk like before?” She asks Lan Yuan, as Lan Juan is busy showing Wen Qing how to help Wei Changze’s Qi to flow correctly.
Lan Yuan looks at her, and frowns.
“I don’t think you’ll be like before,” he replies carefully. “But I think you will be able to manage to walk when you need to. Maybe even run a bit if you work hard and listen to my advice: which is to try swimming again everyday this summer.”
She expected as much, she accepted it a long time ago, so it doesn’t hurt too bad to hear the confirmation. Plus, she does manage with Duandai ’s help and by flying on her sword. She is developing her own way to fight too, using ribbon to drag herself from one point to another fast enough, and do complicated aerial battles on her sword. She doubts she will ever be able to night hunt alone anymore, but she doesn’t have to either. She isn’t part of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, but she is part of their family, and so, they have her back. She isn’t a rogue, only relying on her skills. It feels strange and familiar, it’s a bittersweet feeling that reminds her of the immortal’s mountain.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter...which is a bit happier than the last one. The next one is also a couple of timeskips, and some nice scenes. You'll also have missing scenes published along with it. (One is already written as I had to cut it x) but I have another one I want to write).
It seems for now you all agreed to have one big chapter of flash back during the Lan arc (One flash back chapter for each parent, so two in total). For now, the Madam Lan's flash back chapter is 17 pages long, and I'm only midway, so...I hope you won't regret your decision it'll be a very big chapter.
Chapter 84: The Jiang Sect's growth
Notes:
Hello hello everyone !! I hope you're all doing well =) I do ! ...but i think we lost Fraudulent_Moose in the exams-hell...Since he couldn't make the edit today and do not answer my call. WISH HIM GOOD LUCK è3é7
Some of you noticed last chapter that i added informations in the end notes, i hope it will make it easier for you to evaluate everyone's age from now on! =) Thank you so much for all your nice comments last chapter too <3
Previous Chapter summary (previously on...) --> After Cangse Sanren's adventure in the incense burner dream she talked to Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan and Wei Changze. Unknowing that the commotion woke up Meng Yao and that he was spying on them, she told them everything about Wie Wuxian, the canon!timeline that was stopped at Nigthless city siege and the Iron yin ability to return to the post to avoid destruction. While Jiang Fengmian insisted to remain cautious in case it was the Iron Yin's trick, they agreed to help her and try to save Wei Wuxian and prevent this awful future from happening. After this, many things changed in the sect, but the most important one was Cangse Sanren's meeting with Wen Ning's imaginry (but not so much) friend ; the ghost general. If she couldn't talk with Wei Wuxian from the future he witnessed, she could to a certain extent (but not too much because it made Wen Ning sick) communicate with the Ghost general. This one told her as much as he could without traumatizing the kid he currently possessed and Cangse Saren started to write a manual about the future events that should be stopped. The Sect leader nie's Qi deviation, Wen Ruohan surviving an assassination attempt, The second Madam Nie being blamed for it and executed, The War, Lotus Pier being destroyed and Wei Wuxian giving his golden core to Jiang Cheng...So many things must be fixed...but that doesn't mean they can skip on parenting and their present either ; their kids need them here. And they understand that more than ever when Jiang Cheng, feeling the difference of talent between him and Wei Ying, made a scene. Fortunately with care and reassurance the situation was averted and the boy understood that if Wei Ying ahd strength he didn't have, so did Jiang Cheng.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
If the incense burner dream traumatized once again the adults, Jiang Yanli however is better than she ever was before. She astonishes everyone at training, flourishing.
“Soon enough, we will have to order her a real sword and she will start flying lessons and cultivating a spirit with it,” plans Jiang Fengmian, proud.
“Since she has twin hook swords it will be harder for her. She will have to develop two spirits,” comments Yu Ziyuan ; as much as A-Li improved, she is still not a genius at cultivation, and it is asking her a lot.
“Unless she focuses solely on one sword, and let the other one be a normal blade?” Proposes Wei Changze.
“Or if the two swords are both part of a tool that has only one spirit ?”
Cangse Sanren thinks about the stygian amulet in the dream and thinks about how to adapt it with swords. She wonders if she could ask Mr Shadow man about it, or the Ghost general. But she is reluctant to make little A-Ning sick, and Wei Changze’s attempt to teach Mr Shadow man hand signs to communicate on their own utterly failed. (Madam Lan learned it quite easily, and she is sure her other-son is not dumb, so it’s probably because of his current state that he cannot) So she supposed she would have to figure how to make a tiger seal on her own. That adds another project to her pile, which is very good because after the incense burner she wants to complete almost every single one of her projects one after another, like it's a race. Which might be. A race against time, the sooner she is done with them, the sooner she can get to work and find a way to get her other son out of whatever iron Yin trouble he is. She can start by making an alternate version of the incense burner with new spell work.
Talking about complex spellwork...One month later, the paternity spiritual tool is tested on Sisi and Wei Changze - and it confirms what they already knew, before it is sent to Carp Tower. The very same evening, Wei Ying takes his reading book for his lessons with Meng Shi and frowns. He doesn’t manage to read a single character and Meng Shi has to come to help.
That’s when she realizes it is not the poem book he is supposed to read ; but a manual. It’s handmade and the writing style is very recognizable ; only Cangse Sanren has such awful calligraphy ; her words are not even lining up in a straight line but sometimes it go spiralling out of control, big in the middle of the paper then getting smaller and smaller as the end of it draws closer...Some characters are even merging together like she looked away and continued writing anyways. No wonder the poor boy couldn’t get it! Meng Shi takes it and promises to give it back to his mother, while Jiang Cheng shares his book with his brother. This time the boy manages to read the classical poem without trouble. Meng Shi finishes the lesson with them, congratulates every disciple on their progress and then returns to the “book”. She is pretty sure she has seen her son with it at some point during the week and she wonders if there's cultivation tips in it. She has not shown much talent in cultivation unfortunately -she is much better at throwing daggers and learning a few self defense moves from the Meishan sect- but she tries. Cultivators say it’s normal that it takes her time, since she started so late, even with the help of the Jiang robe she still cannot feel Qi, let alone manipulate it. So she opens it to see if there’s anything useful that could help her improve and form a golden core, even the tiniest one, before she has gray hair.
There’s no such thing. It’s Cangse Sanren’s manual about the future facts she learned.
Meng Shi is confused, and merely concerned about Cangse Sanren’s mental health. So she asks Sisi about it, as she is the closest to the woman among the two of them, as her personal maid and sister in law.
Before dinner, Wei Changze finds himself cornered by his very worried sister that somehow convinced herself that his not-wife needs help. It takes him an awfully long time to understand what’s the problem. To be quite accurate ; it takes until Sisi draws the hand-made manual out of her robe for Wei Changze to get it.
Then he facepalms and curses his not-wife’s inability to hide confidential documents. He hasn’t wanted Sisi to know about all of this -not because he doesn’t trust her, but because he just hadn’t thought anyone needed to know beside the four of them, Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan, Cangse Sanren and him. But now that he is confronted with the situation, he finds himself wondering.
He has been trying to lie less and less, and she is certainly the one person he doesn’t want to ruin his relationship with because of a lie. So he does the only thing he can do ; he starts to tell her the truth:
“Those are events from the future.”
Sisi stares at him in disbelief, first, like he is crazy.
“Have you been drinking?” Is her first reaction.
Wei Changze winces, and realizes his sister doesn’t know yet he wouldn’t touch alcohol, even if it was the only way to save his life. (The only exception would be if drinking alcohol would save his son or family’s lives, he supposes but the chances of him being confronted with such a choice are low). So obviously it’s the only logical explanation. He was about to tell her about his mud-son trapped in the lost timeline and his ghost general speaking through A-Ning’s mind and giving them information about the upcoming war, when he reconsiders his choices.
Yeah maybe it’s a bit unbelievable, now that he thinks about it.
He decides finally that lies would be easier to believe than the truth at this point. He regrets it a bit, but it’s less complicated. So he says :
“Cangse Sanren is testing out something that allows her to glimpse into a possible future. It’s very wonky still and not very accurate and we’re not sure it’s working. So she notes down everything and we try to confirm it.”
Sisi frowns at him, looks at the book, pulls it closer as if it would make the word written on it suddenly clearer and easier to accept, and then looks back at Wei Changze, suspicious.
“Cultivation can do that?”
Wie Changze shrugs ; technically it is the truth. It’s just...not Cangse Sanren’s cultivation that is doing it, but the Iron yin’s, or his mud son’s. Actually it’s not very clear to him either. if the truth gets out he can claim he misunderstood. He just knows that everything written in this notebook might happen and so they have to be prepared. That’s all that matters in the end. That and saving his mud-son.
“Have you never witnessed people predicting the future by throwing bones, or reading stars?” He says, because that’s a more common and accepted type of cultivation.
“Yes but i thought it was a scam…”
“It’s a bit inaccurate, but it’s still a legit way.”
“So she throws bones and gets to know all of this?”
“No. She uses another method that is less known and relies on dreams and the incense burner you saw in her workshop.”
Sisi still looks a bit doubtful, but she doesn’t protest anymore. She gives back the book and tells Meng Shi has seen it, so she will share the truth. Wei Changze lets her ; he is under the impression that Meng Shi is as good as family at this point.
That’s how the two of them end up participating in the next urgent meeting they have about the future. Both Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan don’t say a thing about it, but for the third reunion, Jinzhu and Yinzhu join too. Wei Changze thinks it’s fair enough. Cangse Sanren however is a bit troubled by the lie her husband gave ; at first she is very careful with her words to not expose him, hence very clumsy, but soon she realizes that Wei Changze hasn’t said enough to be considered as wrong. He just oversimplified the truth. So she relaxes and gains back her confidence.
And it feels great, she decides, to have someone to talk about it.
“Rude, who were we, Fengmian and I? No one?” Complains Yu Ziyuan.
“Of course not, you’re my sworn sister and friend, but you know...you’ve said everything you wanted to say now ; your opinions are old. And they bring something new to the table it feels fresh and maybe they can help with solutions we hadn’t thought befo- ”
“ So we’re boring.”
“Come on, I didn’t say that-” Cangse Sanren whines, and then she sees the tiny smile on Yu Ziyuan’s lips and she blinks.
“Oh my gosh, are you teasing me? ” Cangse Sanren blurts out, overly emotional.
Wei Changze observes the two women’s game from afar, thoughtful. The more time passes, the less angry he is at his best friend’s wife. But he isn’t not angry either. Cangse Sanren doesn’t push it and force him to be anything but cordial with her either :
“As long as you’re okay with me being friends with her.”
Which he is, he always had been, it’s not because he didn’t trust her that he was foolish enough to impose his opinions on his wife. No one can do that. Even when he was angry with Yu Ziyuan he thought that all he had to do was being prudent and cautious with her for the both of them and that was it. Now...Now he doesn’t really know how to act. He doesn’t trust her back, and sometimes she still rubs him the wrong way, but she surprises him too. The past few months he has been going back and forth with his opinion on her ; his mind doing round like “If she does that, then i will-”
If she accepts Sisi, then i will give her a chance.
If she lets us try to save our son, then i will -
Sometimes Yu Ziyuan passes the test, sometimes she fails. At first he has been keeping track of the result but he has lost the count since then. He realizes he doesn’t care about it anymore and it puzzles him. When he talks about it with Sisi, his sister says :
“I do that with our parents sometimes, when i think about meeting them again. I tell myself if mother has stopped drinking, then i will try to be filial, if father has a good excuse for selling me to the brothel-”
“There is no excuse that will be good enough.”
“I know, but I can't help thinking about it.” She smiles sadly. “Maybe such thoughts proves we are...preparing ourselves to forgive someone...”
Then Wei Changze is glad he isn’t thinking that way about his parents, only Yu Ziyuan. He is a bit worried by the fact that Sisi might, but it’s her choice. Just like Cangse Sanren didn’t push him to forgive Yu Ziyuan, he can’t impose his sister to be angry at their parents. Even if he doesnt’ get why she wouldn’t be.
“I think,” says Jiang Fengmian, when he tells him. “That everybody is different. Some people need to forgive others to move on. Some people need to atone and act. Some people need to be angry to find the strength to go on. And some people just...are fine without anger and without forgiveness.”
“And every choice is fine as long as it makes you happy,” states Cangse Sanren, raising her cup of wine as a confirmation.
Yu Ziyuan huffs and Jiang Fengmian nods, raising his own cup too :
“As long as you’re at peace with your decision,” he agrees.
Wei Changze raises his cup of tea. He thinks he is surrounded by good people, and that the family he wants is the one at Lotus Pier, not some remote village he forgot the name of. He is neither in need to forgive or forget, nor angry or sad. And that’s nothing to be ashamed about because that's how he survived and met them all.
The thought leaves him contented and he wonders if it’s the sign he is getting better.
A few weeks later, with the help of Meng Yao, Cangse Sanren finishes the first draft of the “Jiang sect cultivation recruitment book” that Jiang Fengmian wastes no time publishing and spreading through Yunmeng.
Only a month or two later, some shy persons present themselves at the Jiang Sect’s door, with the spiritual exercise hidden in the book completed, their heart on their sleeve and their eyes full of hope. Jiang Fengmian doesn’t chase a single one, not even those who are way too old to form a correct core ; once they will know enough, he will incorporate them into the inn-watchtowers projects, he says. In the meantime, Sisi and Meng Shi get more classmates, and YinZhu and Jinzhhu get promoted from maids to teachers.
With the Jiang sect growing so much, they need all the extra-help they can afford.
This inn project, however, takes a little bit more time to complete, but in the end, after many, many nights brainstorming with Yu Ziyuan, Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian (and Meng Yao, as he is the one who thought about the project first and so deserves to see its completion) they come up with a good plan. Inn, like the one they built up and Wei Changze still supervises, will be spread evenly on the Jiang’s territory, and each disciples whose family is in a precarious financial position, or disciples who fails to form a good enough core to even be a rogue cultivator, will be asked to take over it. Hopefully they should know enough about cultivation to help the common people with talismans on the behalf of the Jiang. From there, they will start a spies network, listening to gossips from travelers that stay here, but also will supervise the region and call for help if the situation requires it.
“One day, each town will have one of our Inn,” hopes Jiang Fengmian. For now they do not have the money for it, but it is the plan.
However they can only help inside their own territory and not force other sects to do the same, but-
Meng Yao surprises everyone when he hears that :
“It’s okay, with the inns everywhere in the Jiang territory, it means that rogue cultivators won’t have a lot of room to work, right? They will have to go elsewhere, and they will steal work from other sects’ territory. Since you will have more work, more money and less rivals, others should understand it’s a good system and copy you.”
Jiang Fengmian is rendered speechless by the boy’s brilliant mind ; he did think that too, but he is over thirty and has political and commercial experience. The boy is not even ten years old yet. He is happy that Meng Yao is getting along well with A-Cheng (and that A-Cheng still takes his job of protecting the boy very seriously). The idea of his son having such clever advisor by his side is comforting. Wei Ying, for all his brilliance, snores during political lessons. Sure A-Li has shown some ability in that field too, but she is a girl ; she will be denied access to political talks no matter how talented with words she turns out. On the other hand she will be able to join gossip and listen to a part of the population A-Cheng will never be welcome to. If the boy manages to stay close to both Meng Yao and Jiang Yanli, his political influence and understanding will be amazing.
Wei Changze beams and pats his ward’s head ; he has been teaching the boy some ropes about sect management in his spare time, after all.
“I do not want put the rogues in a precarious position though,” he states after the speech. “Do you think we could find a way to implement them in the system once it is accepted by other sects? For example if we are unable to help on time and a rogue is here, they could do the job and a little bit of the payment would still go to the inn system for giving them the task?”
They discuss this matter for some time until they settle over a satisfactory solution. Then Meng Yao asks again, after one of this meeting:
“How do you fight corruption?”
Again the boy surprises him by his clear sight of the problem. Jiang Fengmian, who isn’t one to believe any of his disciple would do any bad, is indigned, but Wei Changze is very proud, his brain quickly catching up :
“True, corruption is to be considered. It is also possible that the family in charge of the inn might see the whole set up as a contest, and try to create problems in order to solve more than the others and get recognition.”
“If they do that, we take back the inn from their hand,” states Yu Ziyuan, like it’s simple.
“The problem is more about how you know there’s corruption, more than stopping it, though,” comments Cangse Sanren.
And they all turns to her, which causes her to blush and frowns:
“Ah no! I’m not inventing a tool against that! It’s people's troubles ; politics!! It’s your job Fengmian ! Stop turning to me like i can just get a magic trick out of my ass-”
“Are you admitting that you can’t?” Smiles Yu Ziyuan, challenging. “It’s good to know you’re still human-”
Cangse Sanren pouts, she supposes she could try to do something that analyze one’s resentful energy and alert them if it goes a certain point, like the barrier...but resentful energy is made of, well, resentment, anger, hate, loneliness, and someone who accepts bribes doesn’t tend to feel that way. No really, she can’t do anything about it! And they need to stop giving her so much work. She will be able to finish her own version fo the incense burner in ten years if they continue! She wants to speak to her other son before she turns forty!
So the problem is left on Fengmian and Wei Changze’s shoulders. In the end they decide to add a punishment about corruption and deceiving for glory on the punishment board of the sect, and to organize inspection every time something is suspicious, or one inn is doing too well. After all, it would mean that the region is often under attack, either it is administration failure or real problem, they should inspect it. Then they proceed to deal with the other problem they have with the Inn system.
Distance and communication.
“It’s a spiritual problem, surely you can do your magik here,” Yu Ziyuan says to her sworn sister with a grin.
And Cangse Sanren sure does. After a lot of thinking and complaining and drama. But it's worth it. Each Jiang inn will have a clarity bell built into it. If anything dangerous happens in the region, the clarity bell will be rung. Somehow, Cangse Sanren manages to link each bell with a “twin” on a map they keep inside the Jiang Sect. Whatever happens to one will be reflected on the other.
“I think i saw something similar in my master’s library,” she tells them. “Since i knew it was possible, all i had to do was to find out how.”
“See. You make it sound like it’s easy.” Scoffs off Yu Ziyuan.
“Well it wasn’t!”
“You did very good, Cangse Sanren, thank you,” Praises her Jiang Fengmian.
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes when Cansge Sanren beams at the compliment, all her troubles forgotten.
“You’re really like a dog sometimes.”Yu Ziyuan says, and to her surprise Cangse Sanren snaps immediately :
“Don’t call me that, ever.”
“I...meant it in a cute way,” Yu Ziyuan protests, confused ; it’s not often she makes a compliment that her sworn sister does not get and even rarer for her to be angry at...Well anything. Angry is usually Yu Ziyuan’s signature.
Cangse Sanren seems to realize she overreacted, frowns, and for a moment everyone can see that she is thinking hard. Then finally she eases, smirks and laughs it off :
“Ah sorry, sorry, Wei Ying’s fear of dogs must be rubbing on me!”
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan exchange a look, able to spot now when their friend uses a joke to hide her pain, but Wei Changze shakes his head in the background, silently telling them to not insist. So he must know what’s going on and have this under control.
“We were talking about the Inn, not dogs,” he deflects even, bringing back everyone else on the right subject.
“Thank best not-husband, you’re right, let’s talk about inn instead!”
For the Inn-project, Cangse Sanren has to work on a way to alter the spell that teleported her and her husband, that fateful night, near Lotus Pier. After all if it’s not the same spell, it is not like she stole from her immortal mother, right? As long as they keep it secret it should be fine. Right? ( her voice as she asks them confirmation sounds a bit shaky) The idea would be to allow cultivators to teleport themselves to each inn (or people to evacuate from those inn) if the situation requires it. But so far, she hasn’t succeeded ; it just costs too much spiritual energy. When they try, Jiang Fengmian finds himself unable to teleport even one person with him, and ends up completely drained.
“I can’t believe you teleported your husband and your son with this spell-” he huffs, when he comes back, exhausted. She teleported three persons, with an array that consumed even more spiritual energy that the version he tried and still had enough energy to keep giving her injured son her Qi.
“I have great stamina,” is her only answer.
“She does,” confirms Wei Changze and it takes an awful long time to Jiang Fengmian to catch it and be all flustered about it.
“Changze!”
“I’m sorry i regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth,” the man says, as his wife is rolling on the floor with laughter.
Yu Ziyuan smirks and rolls her eyes.
In the end, the only ways Cangse Sanren finds to avoid emptying one’s personal spiritual energy at each teleportation is by absorbing the environment’s Qi of every blue moon when the stars align. Which sucks. What’s the point of a teleporting array if you can use it only certain day of the year? Making it a not movable portal array would also help reducing the cost but not by much it still takes an awful lot, not allowing normal people to evacuate through it, and leaving cultivators who get there that way exposed and not ready to fight. In the end, Jiang Fengmian tells her to drop it for now, and that if there is an emergency call they would travel there flying by swords. Yunmeng territory is vast, but not vast enough for them to take days to go from one point to another. Especially since speed is the Jiang’s forte. It’s still manageable. Cansge Sanren is not happy with it, but she has lot of other things to do too. For example she has to take care of the children (though Meng Shi is teaching them music, writing, and reading. (It’s impressive how the ex-prostitute is knowledgeable despite her origins, it tells a lot about who Meng Yao got his hard-working personality from)). Wei Changze does the core training and meditation, while Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan the bow, sword, martial and riding lessons...So all Cangse Sanren has left to do is play with them and sometimes teach them a bit of her cultivation tips. Which is just as fine because she is busy : she also has to speak with Madam Lan every two days, and find a way to do so with Mr Shadow Man, and also try to bond with her adopted babies too of course... And do her rehabs exercises ; otherwise her adopted daughter will turn her into a needle cushion and Lan Yuan will torture her twice as much when he visits next time…
Who would have guessed that a sedentary life would be so full? Not her. She doesn’t miss the freedom of her wandering years and iIt’s weird. She probably loves having a lot to do. But this is enough ; she decides, she has enough work and she is not accepting any single more.
Yet, when Jiang Fengmian asks every disciple old enough to think about their sword design, he feels the woman’s stare on his back. He can almost hear her pleading : “Let me learn how to make a sword, let me learn how to make a sword, I want to make spiritual swords!”
“Don’t you have too many things to do?” Reminds her Yu Ziyuan. “Like, finding a way to help your shadow son. Gods this is weird, how do you call him?”
“Let’s say it’s my blob-son, Wei Changze says mud-son but i think blob is better,” says Cangse Sanren. “And i’m sure he would understand, that learning how to make swords is very important too.”
She looks at Mr Shadow Man to be sure, and he vomits a bit of mud, which she takes as a sign of his support. She is getting used to this weird creepiness. Wei Changze assures he will keep an eye on his wife so she doesn’t burn her workshop again ; but Jiang Fengmian refuses. He understands that the woman needs a lot of things to do to not get bored but there’s limits : the Jiang sect has had a blacksmith for generations already, and it’s a good one, it doesn’t seem fair to steal his job.
He changes his mind when Meng Shi arrives in his office one morning and inquires how much costs a spiritual sword.
“You don’t have to worry about that,” he tells her. “Each Jiang disciple gets a sword, no matter what, the sect pays for them and-”
“And so they are indebted to the sect,” guesses Meng Shi with a sad smile.
She doesn’t compare the sect with the brothel, but Jiang Fengmian can read it in her eyes all the same.
“I don’t want my son to be indebted to anyone, even if i know you’d never use his debt against him, how much does it cost?”
It’s way more than she can afford, especially since Sisi and her are still looking for a place inside the village. That’s when Cangse Sanren steps up (well not step up, since she can barely walk an hour a day still, but she barges into the room on her sword like she has been spying on it since the beginning. Which she might have).
“I could make A-Yao his sword. I’m a professional, i can choose my prices. It will only cost you the materials for making it.”
“You don’t know how to make a sword, Cangse Sanren,” Jiang Fengmian reminds her.
“I can learn, it can't be this hard. I know how to make spiritual tools and my business is thriving !”
But sword making is hard, and she sets her workshop on fire five times while training for it. Wei Changze apologizes and manages to get the fire down before it causes too much damage each time, but it helps make Jiang Fengmian comes to a decision :
“Fine. I will send you to study with our blacksmith so you can have a proper technique.”
“YES!” Beams Cangse Sanren and for a moment Jiang Fengmian wonders if he has been manipulated into this ; but Wei Changze’s sigh ; a mix of relief and annoyance, convinces him that unfortunately all that has happened has been geguine.
“But-” he points out. “You’ll only learn how to do it with him, and you’ll work on sword together, you’ll not steal his job, okay? You’re working together on special swords.” He insists.
“Of course, i can do that!” She promises.
She cannot do that. It takes her one month to declare the blacksmith is a stupid conservative, and for the blacksmith to write to Jiang Fengmian that he would rather shove his best sword in his ass than to keep her as an assistant.
Yu Ziyuan laughs way too much after this. Though this little adventure has not been for naught, Cangse Sanren learned enough to be able to do some metal work without burning the sect to the ground. She doesn’t make Meng Yao a real sword, at least not a conventional sword. It’s a strange one, one might say, As it can turn soft, expand and fragment itself. it turns into a whip with shards if you apply spiritual energy on the blade.
“I used all the broken parts from my previous attempt, linked it together and carved a spell on it to alter it and make it work, all you have to do is bite your thumb to draw a little bit of blood and passes it on the carvint, it should unmelt the part together and allow you to use it as a whip...Though if you want to use it as a whip, infuse spiritual energy in the chord that links the blade together, otherwise it’s going to fall apart. ”
She explains to A-Ying and A-Li how working directly on metal can make the spell easier, since it’s one of the five elements. That’s why talisman paper is made of mulberry leaves, from trees ; wood, only.
Of course when Yu Ziyuan tests out the sword it works perfectly.
“Why am i not surprised? Because of course you start with a complex task and still manage to make it,” scoffs off Yu Ziyuan, rolling her eyes.
“If you continue to roll your eyes so much, you’re going to get it stuck,” teases Cangse Sanren.
“That way i won’t see you anymore, seems like a win to me.”
“You’d be sad if you didn’t see me anymore,”
“Maybe,” Yu Ziyuan admits, reluctantly.
No matter how much she annoys her with her greatness, Cangse Sanren is great.
“ But i would not be sad if i could hear you less,” she adds, making Cangse Sanren burst out laughing.
Meng Yao’s soft sword is very fragile. Cangse Sanren warns him : it needs a lot of care. She will show him how to repair it if anything gets stuck when it turns back into a normal sword. But it is made especially for him, and there’s only one in the world like it (well two, because Cansge Sanren kept her word and made a spare). Since he has shown some good ability with a whip while training with Jiang Cheng and Yu Ziyuan, she thought it would fit him the most. When the boy uses it the first time it, he sniffs loudly and hugs Cangse Sanren tight. (And also his mother since she is paying for it). Seeing that, Jiang Yanli looks a little bit sad, despite her brand new hook swords, and Cangse Sanren proposes to customize her scabbard instead (as she is not sure she can modify the sword once it’s made. The Jiang blacksmith is talented after all, she still praises him, if reluctantly).
What she comes up with is almost a spiritual weapon, the scabbard works like a tiger seal in a sort, in the end, both hook swords slide into it and clicks into one in order to offer more space for the flying stance. She thinks, if one of the swords develops a spirit but not the other, making them share the same space will allow said spirit to bleed on the other, ultimately making it easier to form its own. Or, at the very least, turning it into an echo of the other.
“And if it does not work, the scabbard will make sure you have more space for your feet as you fly, and just keep the other sword in your hand, you’ll be able to fight while flying, how cool is that?”
A-Cheng and A-Ying look at their sister, obviously thinking that it is very cool.
A-Li is indeed very happy with it, but she takes one look at the crude metal work on it, ans ask, shyly :
“Can i decorate it myself?”
Which makes Yu Ziyuan snorts and she has to hide her laughter behind her sleeve while Cangse Sanren admits, blushing that yeah ; she hadn’t thought about making the sword pretty. Only useful.
“I will help you decorate it,” promises Wei Changze to A-Li (and even Meng Yao because his sword is anything but pretty too).
That’s how the Jiang Sect finds balance between Cangse Sanren and the official blacksmith. He does the swords, she sprinkles a bit of her craziness on top of it. Sometimes when the sword needs to be special from starting from its structure itself they send letters of instructions to the other that turns quickly into insults...but the sword is made each time anyway.
Cangse Sanren also continues her business of spiritual weapons and the Jiang Sect becomes her main client. But she is gathering more and more money. Enough to pay for her son’s many letters to his Lan Zhan and other friends, to buy books for her not-husband, and lantern for her and still save some for other projects.
“Like a wedding”, she says to Sisi.
When Wei Changze is finally allowed to start back training...She gives him a present.
“What is it?” He inquires, curious, unwrapping it.
It’s a wrist protection for his wrong arm and a sword tassel with matching carvings.
“Remember that spiritual weapon you paid me in nature and I never made?”
“Mommy, what does paying in nature mean?” asks A-Ying.
“Did your mother said paying in nature? She meant playing in nature. Playing outside. Which is what we’ll do. I’m going is going to play outside with this new toy and you go and play house with A-Li? Or go to your hide-out with A-Cheng?”
Or whatever with A-Ning, A-Qing or even Meng Yao before Cangse Sanren decides it’s the right time to give their son the sexual education talk.
A-Ying looks at him suspiciously, but he buys the lie in the end. And Cangse Sanren does shut up until he goes away. Once he is out of earshot, though, she states :
“Too bad it seemed like a good opportunity. You know at one point, we’ll have to explain such stuff. Preferably before he elopes with someone. Or before he walks on us.”
Or before he thinks dual cultivation is a cultivation path, like his father.
“Or...maybe we could put nightingale flooring before our bedroom. What about the one he attempted the other day? It’s a bit wonky but it works. He would be proud if we used his first invention in our very home.”
Cangse Sanren is this close to brag about her son’s first invention. (He did do a good job, coming up with a spell all on his own ; and he naturally used the wood plank as support, to enhance the carving and so the power of his enchantment. He couldn’t do a complex spell yet, and so makes the wood sing like a true nightingale flooring ; but he could make it squeak. After all every terrace could squeal to an extent ; all his instruction did was tell the wood when it should and should not. It was just so smart of him to tiptoe around his limitations !! Her son is definitely a genius. She is very proud of him. But she is not letting her not-husband avoid the subject ;
“You’re just delaying the inevitable.”
Wei Changze closes his eyes, aware he failed to deflect this.
“He will learn when he is older. And you’ll be the one doing it.”
Yeah, Cangse Sanren thinks so too ; it’s best she does it. She read her master’s secret collection of porn books. Yet she can’t help but whines :
“What about teamwork?”
Wei Changze tests his gift to change subjects. After his wound he has started using his other arm to fight, being a little bit ambidextrous in the first place, as he used it to draw and write already, it didn’t take him long to be okay. Not near his past level but okay still, especially since he kicks things too now. But this wrist protection has another purpose :
“I thought about the ghost we fought in the nightmare, not our blob-son, the cultivator one’s, you know since her sword kind of floated it didn’t have a articulation problem or whatever. Well i thought, maybe we could adapt it to you? Making your sword float around you like this. It’s not like a sword can’t float ; I mean we’re flying on it, after all! It’s just a matter of giving them the spiritual energy to do so. And that way you wouldn’t have to use your bad arm. Just think about your move like you would do with your bad arm, and the wrist will read your qi, your intent, and moves the sword accordingly-”
They discover there are some troubles when the sword confronts another ; he has to use his spiritual energy instead of his muscles’ strength to par. The spiritual tool consumes a lot, and thus cannot be used all the time until he has a better stamina too... But he loves it. He kisses his wife senseless after his first training session, all too happy to be able to fight again.
He has to stop though, when Wei Ying barges into their room stating he has enough playing in nature and wants to play inside with them, and what are you doing, is it fun? Cangse Sanren looks at her husband, her eyes laughing and she says :
“I could tell him now.”
But Wei Changze stands his ground ; Wei Ying’s sexual education will wait until he is older. He regrets that the Lan boy, Lan Zhan, isn’t here, he isn’t authorized to come to Lotus Pier often, they only seen him once, for a couple of days since the conference...and this time Wei Ying had been all over him, too busy spending time with his friend to cockblock his parents. Teasing, Cangse Sanren insists :
“I could ask Meng Shi to explain how things are done, or Sisi-”
He throws a pillow at his not-wife’s face and gets back up to play with their innocent and still too young son that will not be instructed about sex by Wei Changze’s sister.
“I’m sure our blob-son bangs”, whispers Cangse Sanren in the void, before doing the same as her husband.
Wei Wuxian, on the other side of the reality, has never been so happy to be unheard because he might have laughed a bit nervously. He has never been so close to mimicking Lan Zhan and says “shameless!” too.
Since Wei Changze has to resume training slowly too, he joins Jinzhu and Yinzhu’s lessons with his sister and Meng Shi. The opportunity is great after all, sometimes he still has trouble to reconnect with Sisi, both of them oscillating between the need to bond, and awkwardness that comes with their years-long separation. Sisi wants her brother back, that much is true, but sometimes it is hard to be reminded that he got lucky when she did not. She knows it isn’t his fault and she tries to not show it or blame him ; but when she sees him act as the right hand man of the Jiang Sect, all powerful and in control, her heart aches still. We Changze is not that much better, as he sees her struggle through what he considers basic exercises because of her lack of instructions. He doesn’t dare bring up the subject as he doesn’t want to hurt her but doesn’t know how to help and advise her in those conditions. It doesn’t help that, soon enough during the year, they run off of happy stories to share with one another, and have to bond over who they truly are, beyond their blood connections and shared history.
They make do and find a compromise thanks to their children. Sisi definitely embraces her role as the second Mama of A-Yao ; as if all she needed had always been Meng Shi’s permission. Whoever listens to the Wei siblings’ discussion would be amused as it always starts the same : Wei Changze making a compliment about A-Yao as his ward, Sisi telling how A-Ying is such a sweet nephew, and then each of them bragging about their own babies.
Days go on, time passes ; Yu Ziyuan still fights sometimes with Fengmian or them, pissed at everything. Jiang Fengmian still hides sometimes, tired of having to explain his every decision to others or to fight for it. Every now and then Cangse Sanren fucks up and blows up something either figuratively or physically, with her invention and scattered mind. Wei Changze still has days where he wants nothing but to stay in bed and wish the world would forget about him. Bad days happen, despite his new found family and his rehabilitation. For everyone. Meng Shi, Meng Yao, and Sisi meet trouble more than once, staring at the gap between commoner's world and cultivators, hitting walls during their training sometimes over something as evident as a word that means something for their instructor and something entirely different for them. It’s frustrating but they learn. Sometimes the kids make the mistake they should not do, sometimes they fight, sometimes they get angry over stupid things that seems like the end of the world for them and is so easily solved for the parents they have trouble getting why it causes such a scene. Especially when, in a household with so many parents' education lines blurred, there are some tensions and argues because one has overstepped with the other’s child. But they figure it out, step by step, mistake after mistake but also, victory after victory. There are bad days, yes, but that’s not what they remember. Because there are more good days than bad. There are so many good days, full of laughter, teasing, games and hugs...
And just like that, one year and a half passes after the conference…And Wei Changze and Sisi are finally deemed good enough to do the trip to their village and meet their parents.
Notes:
So you mostly all asked for a BIG flash back chapter for the Lan revelation. I hope you'll not regret this because when i mean big, i mean very big. See the size of the fic? This is what i thought would be a quick fic. Ah-ah-ah *cries a bit inside* Joke aside, i do not kid you that i can do enourmous chapters.
For this reason ; if you want the Lan chapter be big, this will be the only chapter published during the week. (I will not publish two chapters like i do usually the week it comes out). So last chance to vote / change your mind. ^^
I've also prepared surprises for you ; there's four missing scenes for you (3 are written and finished) that i will post soon.
The next missing scene will feature Wei Wuxian (it's an entire chapter i cut out because i felt it didn't say anything useful to the plot) It fits somehow in between the previous chapter and the middle of this one. For this reason he will be published this week. It might be what you'll have instead of your friday chapter this week for two reasons :
Next chapter (85) is rather sad because you know, it deals with the Wei family's troubles...And i would rather not have you be sad before your week end...
Because i might be stuck in the big Lan chapter and need more time to write it...(I kind of like havin chapters in stock...and i'm starting to have less and less...)Would you be okay with that ? If not, please tell me in the comment ^^
Also for the other missings scenes :
But there's one that takes place during the sword training scenes in this chapter
There's another that takes place during chapter 86
One will be just before the Lan revelation chapter 88Now that i've said everything i wish you all a great day, stay safe and healthy ;)
Chapter 85: Wei Changze and Sisi's trip to the past
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're doing well ! I had a very, very busy week so i answered your comment very late XO I'm sorry.
The good news is ; this chapter is beta-read by Fraudulent_Moose who came back, free of exams ;)
The bad news is i'm very tired so i will write the summary of the previous chapter tomorrow?
Okay?
Okay uuThis chapter is a bit angsty ; if it makes you uncomfortable at any moment remmebers you're allowed to skip it, i will make a summary of it next chapter on Tuesday so you'll know what you missed. Take all care of yourself, of your physical and mental health !
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren gives her not-husband a kiss on the nose.
“Be careful on the way.” Jiang Fengmian says.
Cangse Sanren adds another on the mouth with a new advice: “If you throw up, you do it on your stupid parents’ feet, okay?”
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes, and gets impatient:
“Are you done? We need to leave at one point.”
Meng Shi wraps a scarf around Sisi, and tells her to be careful on the road, as her best friend clutches her wooden spear, anxious. The kids wave their hands at the two of them, wishing them a good trip. Jiang Fengmian kisses his wife’s hand as she gets on the river boat. It has been decided that Yu Ziyuan would accompany Sisi and Wei Changze to the village, and only her. As Madam Jin’s sworn sister, and the Jiang Sect lady, she has the highest chance of getting away with anything if they...have to kick some villagers’ butts. Jiang Fengmian can’t go obviously as someone must remain at the sect and take care of things; the place is getting larger and larger with the recruitment book spreading and getting popular. Cangse Sanren wanted to come; but she can’t walk a full day yet, and there has to be someone staying and taking care of the children. Which is what Meng Shi will be doing, Cangse Sanren will be playing with the kids. (It’s important too, both women say).
The farewell takes another full hour before, finally, they manage to leave, the atmosphere all gloomy and stressful. Yu Ziyuan regrets the fact that Lan healers hadn’t been able to make the trip with them—they did give her pointers about what to do if Wei Changze Qi deviates, but...She is not just very good at raising up people’s spirits. The only thing she can truly say with confidence is :
“If you ask me, I can zap your parents.”
Which makes Wei Changze hum and Sisi smile but doesn’t do much about their overall mood for more than a few minutes. Their five day trip is majorly silent for these reasons, only breaking it when they reach one of the Jiang Inns being built. Then, for business, they ask around how the region is like, if they managed to build an information network, and how the Inn is faring. They walk most of the time, Sisi’s shaky foundation does not allow her to travel on sword, and while Yu Ziyuan or Wei Changze could have her travel with them...Yu Ziyuan is unsure she can do so for such a long distance, and Wei Changze isn’t confident he will be able to keep his energy steady enough once they reach a familiar landscape. To avoid crashing, it’s better to walk. And it’s a good idea because on the second day, Wei Changze starts recognizing some mountains and rivers, and he gets whiter and whiter with every step he takes. More than once, Yu Ziyuan has to insist they take a break and that he rests.
“I’m fine,” Wei Changze says, frowning and certainly not looking fine at all.
“If you say that one more time I swear I will send you back to the sect,” promises Yu Ziyuan.
He bites his lips and swallows the lie he was about to say. He ends up obeying her orders, as Sisi patiently rubs his back and reminds him of the basic exercises for breathing. He does as she says, frustrated and angry at himself. Sisi hadn’t realized that his condition has been this serious, not even after one year and a half with them at the sect, and she looks almost ready to drop everything and return to Lotus Pier. Yet Wei Changze insists they continue.
Of course it is hard on Sisi too, the more they advance inside the territory the more memories overwhelm her. She remembers this rock formation, words and vows that she knows had been betrayed, faces and smiles of people who never looked for her. Everything is tinier than she thought. She gets confused with distance, she misjudges the time she needs and the space around her. She feels too large, strange and uncomfortable, as if she is a nail sticking out of a wooden plank, waiting to be hammered down any moment. Her teenage years almost felt the same, with her limbs too big for her usual routines, her movements becoming foreign, her own body a stranger. It’s much the same, except maybe it’s the world this time that is difformed, not her. She feels old, yet it’s like her younger self is walking in her own shadow at the same time.
So this is the place she once loved so much? It looks so small, when it had been her whole world once upon a time. So this is the place Wei Changze feared so much? It feels like it could be blown away by the winds of time. Yu Ziyuan witnesses the two siblings' confidence fade away like snow under the sunrays.
When they reach the outskirt of the village Wei Changze throws up and he admits, each word costing him:
“I can’t.”
And then he sits and waits on a sideline of the road, his forehead resting on his kneecaps, his arms around his legs, most likely to take as little place as possible. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t know what to think, except anger for whoever reduced the man she learned to admire into such a sorry state.
Sisi immediately joins her brother and whispers:
“It’s okay. You don’t have to come, you can wait for me here, then.”
“I don’t want you to go through it alone,” he tells her. There’s a but that goes unsaid, that they are all aware of it. He really wants to be there, but he can't’. It should be a good sign, because before he would have refused to admit it, to show weakness and he would have pressed on, until he eventually collapsed or fled.
It is better, Yu Ziyuan forces herself to think. But it’s hard to listen when “better” looks like this.
“I hate this,” finally whispers Wei Changze. “I hate the way the houses are constructed. How they roll straws in the field, and the way the rice field looks. The mountains around. I hate it and I don't understand why it makes me want to disappear. It’s just mountains. It’s just—”
His childhood home.
“I want to go home,” he mumbles pitifully, and the fact he speaks about Lotus Pier and not his home makes Yu Ziyuan unfairly happy given the situation.
“Then we will go home.” She says. “After we’re done with the business we have to do here. If none of you can go, I will do it in your stead. And you’ll never have to come back again if you don’t want to.”
“I can do it,” affirms Sisi, as she squeezes Wei Changze’s hands. “And I don’t mind you staying here, I would rather have you safe here than be sick by my side.”
The words don’t seem to do much to alleviate Wei Changze’s guilt, but he doesn’t seem able to do much against it either, so he remains there and promises not to move from this spot. Before he disappears from their sight, Sisi hesitates, then runs back to scream:
“It doesn't make you any less brave, Changze!”
Changze doubts it, but he does his “positive” mind exercises to chase the self-hate away. He knows by now how dangerous it can be and can’t afford to relapse.
A part of Yu Ziyuan wants to drag the man with them, so he doesn’t get out of her sight and does what they came here to do...That’s what she would have done, a few years prior. Yes it’s hard yet you just have to man up and force yourself , she would have said, she would have made him yield just like she tried to make Fengmian talk when he holed himself up in his room. But there’s a line between trying to overcome one’s fear and traumatizing oneself that is very thin. She has never seen it more clearly than today. That’s why she doesn’t do it ; she doesn’t want to bring a corpse to her sworn sister, and the risk of Qi deviation is still high for Wei Changze.
***
Sisi leads her through the main road of the village. Yu Ziyuan is not sure she should call this a village though. It’s more like twenty houses lost in the middle of the scenery.
“It’s richer than I remember,” Sisi admits, and Yu Ziyuan wonders what it has looked like in the past if this is rich.
She gets away from the main place and slips in between two houses. She goes through a tiny narrowed path covered by nettles and brambles and Yu Ziyuan wonders if this is truly necessary. Isn’t there a proper way to get to her childhood home?
They go through a tiny bouquet of trees and Sisi stares around expressionless;
“It felt so much scarier and bigger,”
Then they arrive to a field and the ex-prostitute gasps:
“Mulberry trees!”
It must mean something to her, because she starts running without warning and Yu Ziyuan has to do the same to not lose sight of her. The sky started to get grey when they left Wei Changze alone, and now a fine rain is falling, reducing her field of vision.
“What’s up?” She inquires as she manages to copy the woman’s speed.
“We didn’t cultivate mulberry trees, it was Mingyan’s plan to turn the field into—”
“Mingyan...isn’t that one of your sister’s names?”
Sisi doesn’t answer her, she accelerates and in no time they reach the end of the muddy path. Then she abruptly stops and almost falls to the ground. In front of us, stand still a modest house. It isn’t a ruin, but it has been evident that it has seen up and down, enough for it to need a rock foundation and a second floor, with the typical roof that are usually used for silkworms farms.
Sisi stands for a long time in front of the house, so unsure and hesitant, that Yu Ziyuan can’t help but wonder: is there something wrong with it? Is it different than in her memories? But after some time, she figures out what’s wrong, as she catches the same subtle expression of pain on her face as the one on Wei Changze’s earlier.
“Do you need me to go first?” She asks. Then as Sisi is not answering her, she sighs, a little bit annoyed and adds: “Do you need me to talk too? What do you want to say? If you tell me, I can say it for you.”
“Hello, my name is YingYing, I used to live here.” Whispers Sisi, very low. “I-I couldn’t help but see the mulberry trees, is, perhaps, someone calling Mingyan, or Mingyao, o-or even Wanyue, ever passed b-by or have taken over the f-field?”
It takes a moment for Yu Ziyuan to realize she is not obeying her request but testing out the words she plans to say aloud. Sisi’s heart beats so fast in her chest she barely hears the Lotus Pier lady’s voice, let alone the sound of someone’s footstep in her back, until it is way too late.
“Who’re ya?” Asks a stranger’s voice in their back.
Yu Ziyuan turns around, as dignified and elegantly as she can, standing in the rain with her robe dirtied by the muddy path. A sturdy man in his early twenty stares at them or at least in their general direction: his eyes are as white as milk. He must be blind. Yet, he has a farming thingy resting on his shoulder and a muddy appearance that suggests he is back from hard work that surely, blind people can’t do.
Possibly.
To be quite frank, Yu Ziyuan has no idea what a blind man can and cannot do. Or how to farm either, she looked from distance as her children helped Wen Qing prepare a garden at Lotus Pier.
“We are here for a visit,” She tells the man. “My maid here used to live in the area and she—”
“Maid?” The man repeats, frowning. He turns to Sisi as if he can actually see her, and inquires:
“What’s your name? Wei Wanyue? Mingyan? YingYing?”
Hearing her sister’s name shakes Sisi out of her shocked state and she turns around so fast she almost trips again.
“You know my sisters’ names?”
The man blinks, once, then twice, and then he says:
“We should get insid’ looks like ya’got things to say.”
He opens the door, and they are surprised to see a woman waiting inside. Not an old lady, but a young one with modest attire. She has been busy weaving in the dark, but hearing the door opens, she raises her head. Her hair is milky white too, despite her young features, and her eyes are a very pale pink. She looks like a ghost; but isn’t, Yu Ziyuan heard about people like this. It’s usually bad omens when one is born and they are purposely forgotten somewhere in the forest most of the time. It appears that this one hasn’t been killed. Yu Ziyuan considers the possibility that maybe, this house had been turned into some kind of charity work place. But the man proves her wrong:
“Wifey,” the man says with a smile. “We've got visitors-”
“Is it the Nie collecting the mulberry leaves?” The woman asks.
“Nah, it’s not, I think they’re my siblings!”
Sisi lets out a gasps, as the woman smiles bright:
“Really? What wonderful news! Let me set the table, is tea alright with you?”
Yu Ziyuan is a little bit lost, as she is being dragged to a simple wooden table at the center of the room, near the fire, along with Sisi. She glares around, looking for, well, something, anything that makes sense, but can’t. The man puts his equipment down, excuses himself one moment to go and check something above them, in the ceiling, before coming back with straw all over him and a box in his hand. He stares at Yu Ziyuan for a long time at Yu Ziyuan, while his wife busies herself with a modest kitchen. And suddenly declares:
“You look super rich.”
“You...can see?” Is all Yu Ziyuan can reply.
“Oh yeah, forgot’. My eyes are like that ‘cause my mother used to drink a lot, and I got out of her womb looking like this, gave my dear old daddy quite a fright!” He snickers.
“You—” Sisi opens her mouth, and then closes it, unsure.
“Are your parents still around?” Says Yu Ziyuan in her stead.
The wife puts down the tea cups in front of them, slightly off, and at least she seems to be having trouble seeing. She sits near her husband and answer in his stead:
“Unfortunately, my parents-in-law aren’t with us anymore.”
“My old mommy was super old when she got me, so she never recovered from childbirth and died when I was young. or maybe she died cause’ of all the alcohol she gulped before, never quite knew what got her in the end. Anyways it’s my dear old daddy who raised me,”
“And me,” Murmurs the wife very carefully.
“but he died some years ago too.”
“There has been a monster running wild in the area, and he was one of its victims,” adds his wife.
Sisi lets out a shaky breath, and Yu Ziyuan is completely unable to tell if it’s a relieved or a shocked sigh. So not only after abandoning his children, he got another one, and then casually decided to adopt a bad omen girl?! Yu Ziyuan is this close to snap on her friends’ behalf. When the ex-prostitute talks again, her voice is even, her back straight:
“I see. My condolences.”
And so, her chance to get answers to her questions are gone with her parents. Somehow, it hurts more than she expects it; she feared having those answers, and one could think that not knowing doesn’t change much of her current situation and hence, should not aggravate anything. But it’s not the case. Not being able to have closure breaks her heart. Her mind is not a great place to be right now, million of new questions arising: Who are you? She wants to spit at this stranger boy who states he is her brother and she has no memory of? Why did they not sell you if you are theirs? Why did they keep you but not us? Why are you happy, talking about them, more than we all ever were? Those are the ugly thoughts, there are also strange, concerned and desperate ones stuck in the middle: Why are there mulberry fields here? How do you know about us? Did our mother suffer in the end? Did our dad miss us? Did it hurt?
Were they happy at the end?
She is surprised by her prayer that they did not suffer; that they died peacefully. She wishes she could have asked Meng Shi to send them a letter, or something, or come back sooner, so they could have that talk she had wanted. So she could have shouted at him and said what weighs her heart, and maybe, maybe forgive him. But she can’t now. Her father is out of reach forever.
Under the shock, she forgets her carefully planned presentation and takes a deep breath in. Swallowing in all the sorrow that threatens to overwhelm her, then she breathes out and let the ruins of her hopes go. She allows her little sad girl’s plea to live only for one breath, before she fades away, for good she hopes. It’s an exercise she hasn’t done in a year and a half, but it’s awfully easy to do it again. Like she never truly quit. Like her muscles remembers the pain and the taste of unshed tears.
She looks at the man in front of her, who seems naively eager to meet them, but lets her the time to introduce herself, and she wonders for a moment if that’s how Wei Changze felt, when he met her. This disgusting disconnection, like a musical instrument out of tune. Like being a stranger in your own life.
This is not her brother. She doesn’t know him. She wasn’t raised with him. She doesn’t even know his name. But he is. Apparently. And she can only take his words for the truth when her heart so strongly opposes it.
He isn’t her brother. He hasn’t suffered like they did. He hadn’t been abandoned like them.
And it’s unfair and unjust of her to wish such things, when the man is smiling at her so innocently.
So, painfully, she forces the words out, and says the word she has prepared, but not to the one she had wanted to say:
“Hi, my name is Wei YingYing, but I’m more used to people calling me Sisi, it appears that I am your sister. What’s your name?”
His name is Wei Zhengjiu, redemption, the name taunts her. Part of her wants to scream that if her father wanted to seek redemption, maybe he should have gone and took them back in, instead, but she doesn’t say it. Instead she sits with him and tells him who she is, and why she is here. How she is not alone and their brother is waiting for them at the outskirts of the town because he couldn’t bring himself to enter.
Wei Zhengjiu raises to his feet at that, and declares:
“That won’t do, it’s raining out there n’he gonna get sick!”
No one tells him that as a strong cultivator, Wei Changze doesn’t risk anything standing in the rain, but they do remind him that he will make himself sick if he gets inside. The young man doesn’t seem to get it, just like Sisi didn’t before she witnessed it, but he concludes simply:
“Then if he can’t get here, we’re gonna get to him!”
And just like that, his wife puts hot tea and soup inside a bag, one blanket, while he takes several umbrellas, and the box he took from the ceiling. And they go out.
***
Wei Changze is just where they left him, he hasn’t moved an hinch. Sisi gets to him first, and she carefully says, bringing him the news first:
“Changze, this is our little brother, Wei Zhengjiu, and his wife, Wanqing.”
Sisi sees her sadness and resignation reflected in her brother’s glance, as his eyes fall on the new group. It helps to know that someone shares the same pain as her. And she sits by his side, as she pulls the blanket around his shoulders. The youngest of them put the umbrella above their head to protect them from the rain.
“Nice to meet you.” Changze says to their brother. Because what is there to say, besides that? I don’t want you? It’s the truth and not the truth at the same time.
He didn’t remember his older siblings when he should have, so what difference does it make, that he has a younger sibling he doesn’t know either?
Yu Ziyuan stays several feets away from the reunion, not wanting to intrude. She can still hear their conversation with her enhanced senses, and she is ready to intervene if one of them starts feeling sick, but that gives them the illusion of privacy. She’s not sure how she feels; she expected someone to kick the butt off and blame, someone to scold, and there is none. If she feels cheated, she can’t imagine how the Wei sibling must feel.
But that’s just how things are.
It appears that the Wei patriarch never told anyone he sold his kids, not even his wife. Wei Zhengjiu is completely blown away by the news;
“He said y’all ran away, ‘cause of mother’s problem with alcohol. He said you’ve all left one by one ‘cause of that. That’s why she stopp’d drinking and insisted keep’g me even if she was that old.”
The lie doesn’t hurt, every revelation at this point barely scratches them, their whole body numb. It does little to Wei Changze that their mother stopped drinking after they got sold, as she couldn’t do it before so they could stay. Sisi, however, closes her eyes and wishes she could have met her and tells her the truth, before she died. So that she knew they didn’t abandon her. The one who takes the truth the hardest is Zhengjiu, who realizes the father he grew up with might not be the man he thought he was, the man he knew and loved blindlessly. His wife rubs his back, showing her support and sharing his pain, probably.
After a long pause, Wei Zhengjiu says found a box full of children's toys, after his father’s death.
“I was about to get married with my wife,” he explains, “So at first I thought it was him preparing for having grandchildren...But—”
“It’s likely I will not be able to bear any children, and we already knew about that, back then,” his wife explains.
“I’m sorry,” Wei changze says to her, but she simply shrugs like she doesn’t care.
“That and the toys were...Well see for yourself.”
The box he shows them doesn’t ring a bell to Wei Changze, but it does to Sisi. It’s apparently a box their parents received for their marriage. Inside, there are indeed old toys. Grass butterflies, straw dolls...they find the rags young Wei Changze painted portraits on, the lines have faded overtime, and all that is left is a blurry form and shaky characters under each drawing. Names.
“Father insisted that we all learn to write our names,” Sisi tells, not daring to caress it, too afraid to wipe it away. “He didn’t know how to write and read, but he knew how to write his own name and said it was important we did too. So when you did the drawing, he insisted we all wrote it down under our portrait.”
“That’s how I learned y’alls names. Our benefactors taught me how to read.”
“Benefactors?” Sisi inquires.
“Some big shot from the city,” he says. “He saw the field on a trip and thought it could be a good place for mulberry plantation. My old daddy wasn’t strong enough to bargain, so I went to make the deal, but the man didn’t want me to be in charge ya know, he wanted to buy the land and put someone else and I’d be under him-”
“But when he went the beast that attacked the village escaped from the Nie sect, and father-in-law got killed.” explains his wife. “To apologize for our loss, the Nie sect offered compensations for each grieving family. When they learned about the deal we were making, instead of offering money they gave us all we needed to turn our field into mulberry fields. Since we were provided everything we needed, the lord lost his advantage and couldn’t buy it from us. The Nie made a deal with us and our benefactor, and we became their provider for their own silkworm farms too.”
“So it’s a bit thanks to us that the Nie have such silky robes!” Beams Wei Zhengjiu.
Yu Ziyuan doubts that, given how little their field is, but she makes a mental note to prepare a contract with the couple, so they can buy mulberry leaves from them too and support the family. The Jiang too, need mulberry leaves to feed their silkworm farms and to make talisman paper, after all. Where the leaves come from has no real importance, and it’s a security to have several sources. Agriculture is too dependent on the weather.
“Anyways, since I can't make good deals without being literate, so they taught me a bit.” Continues the youngest Wei.
Wei Changze says nothing, and puts back his own portrait, his mind blank. He finds it a little bit strange that the Nie acted that way, while the sect is famous for its high moral, they are not as righteous as the Lan, and even the Lan wouldn’t go that far for a tiny village unless they really screwed up their nighthunt. But he doesn’t have time to think much about it. He frowns at the little scribble that he sees on the other side of the portrait on a rag; it has the shape of a lotus flower.
“Sisi,” he says, as he shows her the sign.
Sisi frowns, and shakes her head, as if to say that it hadn’t been there in the first place, which Wei Changze already figured out. She takes her own portrait and turns it, and just like on Wei Changze’s portrait, there’s a scribble on hers too.
“It’s the sign there was on the brothel I was sold to—” Sisi whispers.
“Brothel?!” Barks Wei Zhengjiu, but they don’t have time to unwrap that.
Sisi takes all the portraits and turns it around, on each one, there’s a scribble. It seems that even though their father did sell them, he left something to remember where exactly each sibling ended. Be it for him, his wife or his children if they ever came back, that knowledge is lost with him. But they aren’t going to let it waste.
“Does any of those scribbles ring a bell to you?” She asks Wei Changze. She points out the one on Mingyan’s portrait: a butterfly on a lantern. “I’m pretty sure this pattern is for a brothel, I just have to remember which one.”
Wei Changze looks at the snowflake on Mingyao’s portrait, but cannot find anything in his mind. However when he looks at Wanyue’s portrait, it’s like his whole body freezes up. He saw it. It’s a panda. He is sure he saw it before, but where?
“Can we take the portraits?” He asks Wei Zhengjiu.
The young man hesitates, obviously reluctant to part with it, but Sisi assures him they would only take the portraits on the rags, not the box that is from his parents nor the toys within it. After a bit of time, Zhengjiu finally says:
“If y’all come back so I can meet you, it’s ‘kay.”
“That’d be troublesome,” Says Yu Ziyuan and they all turn in her direction.
She raises an eyebrow at them, and clarifies the obvious:
“We can’t stay at the outskirts of the town each time we visit, so it seems more adequate that you visit us at Lotus Pier.”
“Huh, I suppos’ so,” mumbles Wei Zhengjiu.
“Once you become a full fledged merchant, you will be able to go there,” says his wife.
It is, in a sense, as simple as they say. Wei Changze and Sisi remain in the region for two more days; they stay at one inn, in the neighbouring town. Wei Zhengjiu tries his best to catch up with his older brother, who is taking his existence better than his older sister, as long as they remain away from his childhood village. Wei Zhengjiu doesn’t ask why, as after a few couple of questions, he guesses that his older sibling's lives weren’t as good as he thought they would be.
“I don’t know, I just always imagined that you’all got away ‘cause you had a job or got adopted by a better family—or something...” he says, once. “Not that…”
Well how could he have thought the father he loved would have done such an awful thing? He still has trouble believing it sometimes, but he has enough common sense to not call the other two liars in front of the scary noble lady. It explains the sadness that his father wore all his childhood, like a second skin. And his name. Besides, it’s easy to call one person a liar, but three? So he lets them, and mends his stained memory with his wife, in private. Maybe his father was a bad man once, but he was a good man with them, his wife reminds him the first few times. He raised a son he believed would be blind, and he gave the baby monster girl a home, when her own parents left her to rot in the field. Yes maybe he did all of those actions out of guilt, who knows, he is dead he can’t answer their question, but he still did it. Isn’t that what matters to them? The words help, a bit. Hopefully after a while, it will dull the fire and the pain he feels.
When it’s time to go, Wei Zhengjiu still asks his two siblings if they want to visit their parents’ grave. The cemetary is on one of the neighbouring mountains, so Wei Changze can go, he assures. It’s raining when they visit, and the whole place is empty. It’s like the sky is mourning when they do not. Yu Ziyuan stares at the whole place and finds it strangely shilling.
Wei Changze and Sisi remain completely silent in front of their parents’ graves, Sisi burns paper money while Changze returns to his lady’s side, his body stiffs and his face tired.
“You don’t want to speak to them?” She inquires.
She thought it would do him good to come back, that it would unlock something in his heart, but apparently it didn’t. It just hurt.
After all this travel, it seems a bit stupid to go without setting things straight, them being dead change things a bit, but it can be useful too. His parents cannot answer or defend their actions anymore so if he wants to scream and insult them, Yu Ziyuan thinks he should do so while they’re here. Yet Wei Changze sighs and says:
“I just want to go home.”
Well, Yu Ziyuan wants to go home too, and get over with this, but she has a message for the jerks from her husband. So she waits until the Wei siblings are getting ahead, and then stands in front of the grave. It’s not like they can yield and cower under her stare, they’re dead, but she still does it. She humphs, crosses her arms on her chest and states:
“You really screwed up there. I don’t care what your excuses were, or how bad you felt after doing it, you’ve had the nicest kid around and you still blew it up completely. Well, too bad for you, and good for us, because we’ve got them now, and we appreciate them for what they are, and it’s your loss.”
That’s Fengmian’s words, now, hers:
“You’re lucky you’re already dead or I'd have made you regret your decision for all your damn life! I’m not a very good mother, and yet even I can see how much you screwed up.”
Then she turns around and joins the sibling, satisfied. When she does reach Wei Changze, the man sends her a strange look; and she realizes he might have overheard her, with his cultivator senses.
“You’re a good mother,” he says.
“No, I'm not.” She protests, because she is aware of that.
“You’re getting better, and you’re trying,” Wei Changze insists. “That’s more than what my mother and father did with us, and what makes you a good mother in my opinion. A good person, even.”
And with that he goes ahead and leaves her with her shock.
She grumbles and they don’t talk about it for the whole trip back, because what else is there to say? Nothing.
***
When they return to Lotus Pier, a few days later, night has already fallen. Sisi and Wei Changze spend most of their time together, licking their wounds, while Yu Ziyuan stayed nearby, making sure she could intervene if their Qi went awry. Most of the people are asleep and unaware of their return. So they make themselves discreet.
Wei Changze thanks Yu Ziyuan for her time, asks Sisi if she will be okay, and when his sister says yes, he finally gets back home. The moment he closes the door behind him and walks away, he feels like breathing again. He hadn’t realized how heavy his chest felt until it finally eases up. He promises to leave the past behind and never give in to the call of yesterday again. He never wants to go to this village ever again. This, he realizes, is over and behind him for good.
Feeling better already, he goes to check his A-Ying, and is surprised to find the boy sharing his bed with A-Yao, a book still open in the boy’s laps. He puts a kiss on the top of his sleepy son, and makes sure A-Yao rests in a better position, taking the book back. At least it seems his ward isn’t suffering from nightmares; despite A-Ying’s proximity, that’s good. Then he passes through the Wen kids’s room. They threw away the blanket in their slumber, as usual, so he puts it back up and tucks them. The last few days he has been feeling so out of his body and dizzy, but now each action gets his heart lighter and lighter, like it finally returns to its rightful place.
Cangse Sanren is still awake when he enters their bedroom, she has been talking to her secret friend with her hands, but when she sees him she waves her goodbye, and turns her complete attention on him.
“How are you feeling?” She asks, carefully.
Wei Changze pauses, and considers the question.
“Better now that I’m home,” he says.
And that’s the truth; of course everything he learned still sticks to him like glue, but at least he doesn’t feel as exposed and weak, now that he is safely home. Things are looking better. He has a goal and clues to find his lost siblings too. And his parents are dead. It feels like their death is the last straw. It was the last offense they could do to them to abandon them. And they did. Does it make him an awful son? Probably, but for once he doesn’t find enough strength in himself to care. He isn’t surprised, he is just…
Disappointed. He feels hollow but content too. It’s an ugly mess.
“I know I should feel something,” he starts. “But I don’t.”
Cangse Sanren opens her arms and he finds his way back to her. She caresses his head and lets him take his time to find his words. And he does, after a moment:
“It’s not like I want to be sad, I really don’t—They’re not worthy enough to be sad over.”
“They really aren't.” Cangse Sanren confirms.
Yu Ziyuan has been kind enough to tell them all about what they discovered beforehand, through the Jiang communication system, and she promises to thank her later because otherwise she would have no idea what her husband would be saying.
Then finally Wei Changze pinpoints exactly where it hurts, his finger pressing the wound raw. It’s selfish, and completely self-centered, but it is true.
“But I wanted to have parents worth being sad over.”
But he didn’t have that. And even though he knew that already, it selfishly hurts. Even though Wei Zhengjiu had it, Wei Changze didn’t. What’s the difference between them?
“We don’t always get what we deserve,” whispers Cangse Sanren, kissing his head.
And her words make him feel a little bit better.
He wonders, though; had Wei Ying been sad, when they died, in this other reality? Or did he not care, like Wei Changze right now? What kind of parent was he for his son? Was he somehow worth any tears?
He can’t help but wish he was, but also prays that he somehow wasn’t, because he doesn’t want his son to suffer, in any reality. But he is starting to think that, whatever happens, whether you cry or not over a parent’s death, even if you don’t feel sad, even if you get over it and move on...Pain however, is still there, no matter what.
***
Sisi, on the other side of the wall, is not feeling better, the moment she closes the door and comes back home her expression, so carefully held together, finally breaks. She might have closed the door and got out of her village, but she feels like she got robbed from any chance to ever get closure now. She hasn’t cried a single time since the discovery and then suddenly the tears pour out, without her being able to stop them. She doesn’t know why, she didn’t even feel them gather in her eyes before it was too late and all she can do is stare, baffled at the ruins of her composure.
Meng Shi is a heavy sleeper, but not that heavy. She wasn't really asleep to begin with, so she gets out of her bed, in a hurry once she understands what’s happening. She rushes to her best friend’s side and cups her face in her hands, trying to wipe away the tears.
“Sisi, what’s wrong?”
“I’ve got a younger brother,” she hiccups.
Meng Shi sends her a sad, knowing look.
“I know, Madam Yu told us…”
“My parents are dead,” Sisi adds, then.
This time Meng Shi pulls her into her embrace and squeezes tights.
“I know…” She whispers, her voice full of pain too.
“And I know, that I shouldn’t be sad, i've got a new sibling and tha's a good thing. And my parent weren’t part of my life anymore, that their deaths change nothing to me, to my everyday life now, it means nothing — ”
This is the Sisi Meng Shi is used too, the rational one, who tells people with filthy hands to pay an extra, who lifts her chin to insults and replies with confidence. This is the Sisi she admires because she thought she could stand up to anything. But Sisi can’t be this strong all the time, she is allowed to break and to be in pain. She is allowed to know rationally, but feel otherwise. And when she does, Meng Shi wants to be there to put the pieces back together and tell her that she understands.
“But you wanted it to mean something,” completes Meng Shi. Because she knows. She knows that feeling. And she knows how much it hurts to not have it.
Notes:
Meng Shi's last sentence is so important in my opinion xo
Also i hesitated a long time for Wei Changze ; wheter or not he would be able to enter his old village or not. But i decided against it as he is a person who internalize a lot and so his body does a lot of things unconsciouscly (notably get sicks when he realizes he is close the "dangerous area" in his mind). I thought it was more interesting to have two different reactions for the two siblings at almst every event of the chapter and not makes one's reaction as less important / less valid than the other. I hope i managed to do so. If not i apologize ; my intent here was showing that we all cope iwth trauma our own way and there is no magic solution / remedy (and also that death of the abusor doesn't mean the end of the vicious circle). You do gets better, eventually, but if you're experiencing trauma and needs more time than others to cope/heal there's no shame in that.
Now if this chapter depressed you, i'm sorry, i will post a fluffy missing scene on HOME - missing scenes to make up for it ^^
See you on tuesday for a new chapter. ;) It will be a less angsty i promise.
Chapter 86: The Wei's investigation at Cloud Recesses
Notes:
Hello everyone !! Sorry for vanishing last week ; as i wrote down in the summary, Fraudulent_Moose is really sick and couldn't make it. So i decided to leave him a week rest and use this opportunity to finally finish the Lan's chapter. (Which i did!...today. More about it in the end notes)
GOOD NEWS !! Fraudlent_Moose is back !! So I edited this chapter it is not beta-read HURRAY! Though he is just back from a sick rest I want him to be able to rest a bit still, so this week will be a little bit special ; you'll have a chapter today and a missing scene on friday.
Now without further ado, here is the previous chapter's summary -->; The Wei sibling went back to their hometown, but Sisi did not find the closure they seeked of. On the contrary, there, they met Wei Zhengjiu, their new sibling, and his albino wife. Apparently, after solding out all his children, their father said a lie to his wife, telling their children run away because of her alcohol problem. She stopped drinking, and had Zhengjiu. Then she died a few years later. Their father found an albino girl abandonned in the field and took her back to raise her too. These decision puzzled Sisi and Wei Changze, and unfortunately their father is not here to explain his action to them anymore. He died a few years ago in a monster attack that the Nie didn't handle well. Since then the village (and Wei Zhengjiu's field) had been supported by the Nie clan as a compensation, growing mulberry trees. Wei Zhengjiu took the revelation about his father as well as he could, and gave his sibling a box his father kept close. Inside the Wei find the old portrait Wei Changze once drew as a kid, and at the back of each a sign. It must be a clue to find back their own siblings too! After visiting the graves of their parents (and Yu Ziyuan had taken the time to scream at them, and bonds with Wei Changze) they returned to Lotus Pier to heal their wound. While wei Changze found closure in the death of his parents, Sisi, however, broke down in Meng Shi's arms and cried over the answers she would never get.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
After the trip to their village, Sisi and Wei Changze looked, not closer, but...tied together by the same pain. The first few days of their return had been a little bit hard, as they had to retell what had happened several times; at first Wei Ying has been overjoyed at the idea to have yet another uncle, but when he saw how much asking after him hurt Sisi and his father, he stopped. Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan even received the boy’s visit, one evening, where he sat in his uncle’s office, like the disciples with grievances do sometimes, and asks:
“Did my new uncle hurt Daddy and Auntie Sisi?”
Jiang Fengmian is at a loss, not sure if it is his place to respond and comfort the boy. He exchanges a glance with Yu Ziyuan, who seems equally perplexed. But over the two last years of co-parenting they had agreed that if one of the children ever came to one adult for guidance, then it is their decision, and they should accept it. For whatever reason that went beyond him, A-Xian asked them, not his father or mother. So they should try his best to give the boy their honest opinions. Yu Ziyuan is the first to talk, as she has been the one present during the trip:
“Your uncle did nothing bad. It is just that sometimes one’s existence causes pain to another.”
Just like Meng Yao’s existence hurts Madam Jin. Just like A-Xian’s existence would have hurt her, if the rumors about him being her husband’s bastard had continued, she thinks.
Jiang Fengmian isn’t sure if that’s what plagues Wei Changze. His best friend told him he doesn’t know what he is feeling regarding his new younger brother, after all, neither happy nor angry. “It’s a stranger I have to meet,” he told his best friend. “Just like Sisi had been,” he had added, and this time, he had looked a little bit guilty at the thought. Maybe that’s what he suffers from; having to put Sisi, who protected him, looked after him and loved him, to the same level as this stranger of a brother. But Yu Ziyuan’s excuse is probably what Sisi suffers from; and Jiang Fengmian cannot imagine another reason to be upset; maybe he lacks imagination.
A-Xian obviously worries over his auntie’s reply, and Jiang Fengmian quickly adds, for the both of them:
“When this happens, it’s nobody’s fault. Not the one suffering, nor the one causing the pain. You cannot help existing; and no one should be told they have no right to be born.”
Yu Ziyuan bites her lips, aware of that. She looks at the void, and she knows that she should force herself to think of the Wei Wuxian in the nightmare as only the Iron Yin’s illusion, for the Wei’s sake in case it is a trick from the fallen artifact. Yet she can’t help but think: if it is not, if the boy from this future we saw, I hope he heard that.
And Wei Wuxian did, actually hear that. He just don’t know what to think of it, very much like his tiny self:
“Then what do you do?” Asks A-Xian.
It is a question that even adults, or wise sages, might disagree on. He is not sure there is a right answer, or behavior to have.
“You find compromises so the two people find a way to live while inflicting minimal pain to each other, I suppose...And you let them deal with their demons, as they are the only one who can tame it, and you cannot force them or impose them the way you see things. They will come to an agreement, eventually.”
That however, is when the Yiling Patriarch, still parasitizing his little self, recognizes the man who raised him.
A-Xian doesn’t seem happy with Jiang Fengmian’s piece of mind, nor less saddened. To be frank, Fengmian isn’t sure the boy understood everything, he is a clever boy, but he is only almost 7 years old, after all. But whether he got it or not, A-Xian leaves Jiang Fengmian’s office and does not speak of his Zhenjiu uncle in front of Sisi and Wei Changze again.
***
Over the course of a few weeks the matter settles, obviously. Distance from the source of the problem must help, but having a goal also keeps the Wei siblings busy and away from dark thoughts. Meng Yao does his best to help his second mother and mentor in their quest, be it by babysitting his little martial brothers in their stead, or by joining them when they go through dozens of reference books. They are looking for an insignia, an emblem, whatever that looks a bit like the one that is drawn on each sibling portrait. Meng Yao already identified the drawing that Sisi recognized:
“It’s from one of the brothels our Madam dealt often with,” he says. “It’s in the Nie region,”
After all, the boy did minor work for the brothel all his life, and with his memory he remembered every letter, every tiny document he ever laid his eyes on, better than Sisi did. He actually gives them the name of the village it is in. Wei Changze is definitely impressed by that fact and Meng Shi pats her son’s head with pride. She is too dignified to brag, but the gesture says enough. Meng Shi and Wei Changze then make a lie on the spot and write a fake letter to the Nie brothel, passing as a new Madam, who has been looking for prostitutes she once knew. Meng Shi says she is ready to offer a deal to have them. She puts the name Mingyan in the middle of made-up ones and prays for it to work.
“If she is there, we will have to buy her freedom,” comments Sisi… and that’s a problem because she has no idea how she can earn such an enormous amount of money.
She is sure the Jiang would be willing to help, but she is reluctant to further her debt with them. Besides, with all the Inn-building and the new disciples they are taking, the Jiang sect is having an “investment” year, which means there’s only so much money they can afford to give until they are starting to make profit again. Cangse Sanren is the one who provides an answer to that:
“I’m sure I can help, I have some savings after all!”
Then she hears the price of a normal prostitute and gets a bit whiter.
“Well, the wedding certainly will have to be postponed, but if it means my husband gets one of his sisters back it’s worth it, right?”
She looks at Sisi still with an expression that pleads, overly dramatic: “Please don’t kill me! I promise I will marry your brother one day!”
Sisi rolls her eyes at her not-sister-in-law’s antics. Wei Changze smirks at that, and states:
“If nothing works, we could still send Madam Yu to the brothel, after all, she got you both out.”
And the two ex-prostitutes laugh at the idea of their Madam barging into another brothel, slapping the owner in the face and leaving with the Wei sister under her arm like she has every right to do so. It is impossible for this to happen, but imagining it makes them giggle, and when they speak of such a plan in front of her, Yu Ziyuan blushes and grumbles every time.
Unfortunately, this clue leads nowhere, after a month they receive an answer to their letter, from the Nie Brothel, explaining that the Madam there has been newly appointed. They have no idea what deal they are talking about, and who the name refers to, and have no way to know if they ever had these prostitutes under their “care,” because a fire destroyed their archives. All they know is that in their current pool, there is no one named Mingyan.
Mingyao is as hard to find as his twin sister; the emblem on his portrait rings a bell to no one, not even Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. And being unable to do anything more, both Sisi and Wei Changze fall back into old habits. After Yu Ziyuan thrown them both into the river, Jiang Fengmian pulls out his sect leader hat and declares:
“It seems you still need to see Lan Yuan and Lan Juan again.”
“They said I only needed one year, and you pushed to one year and a half already, I doubt Cloud Recesses will be okay sending them here so soon—”
“Then you should go to Cloud Recesses. They cleared you, after all: you can dive and climb mountains again.” Points out Yu Ziyuan, with a shark-like smile.
She has taken the habit to back up her husband, and do the forcing in his stead, while Jiang Fengmian watches the fight and drinks a tea for his headache. Working as a duo with her made him better at giving them orders for their health. Wei Changze doesn’t know if he is grateful about that.
“Besides, while you’re at Cloud Recesses, maybe you could check their library. They do have a bigger book collection than we have,” suggests Fengmian, as always kind and compromising.
Wei Changze likes his best friend, he really does.
“Fine, I will go,” he says. “But I’m taking Wen Qing and Wen Ning with me,”
So they can distract Lan Juan and Lan Yuan from him as much as possible. If Wen Ning is indifferent to that, Wen Qing is ecstatic. Wei Changze also takes A-Ying with him, who is almost bouncing at the idea of seeing Lan Zhan again, and Meng Yao (who is as impatient to see Lan Huan, but hides it better). Then he excuses himself to the Jiang Sect and goes for a couple of days. Sisi and Meng Shi follow too, as Yu Ziyuan takes the opportunity to invite Madam Jin and Jin Zixuan to Lotus Pier while they’re away.
“I will protect our A-Li from peacock!” A-Cheng tells A-Ying before the boy goes. “You protect Yao-Bro from bad guys! And protect everyone else from Wen Qing and Lan Yuan.”
Wen Qing rolls her eyes. A-Yao snickers at the little salute A-Ying makes to show he got that order right. He knows there’s no point telling them he should be the one protecting them, since he is older and not defenseless anymore, but they just wouldn’t listen. He looks at A-Li, who doesn’t seem to mind being protected by her little brother from her betrothed at all, and she wishes them all a good trip.
“I will say hi to Zixuan for you,” she promises him with a knowing smile.
A-Cheng and A-Ying fakes gagging in the background and everyone ignores them.
***
Right after they land, Wen Ning (who has been sick while traveling on a sword) is kidnapped by the Lan healers.
“Poor little boy, let’s patch you up, I've got medicine for motion sickness,” Lan Juan coos at him.
“I don’t like s-swords like uncle Yuan” states Wen Ning, pitifully.
“Finally an ally in my plight!”
“When he is all grown up, he will join you in your battle against flying swords and stairs,” laughs Lan Juan.
“I don’t like battle, it makes uncle Jiang and the ghost general sad,” the boy insists.
“It’s okay then, we’ll make you a good healer just like your sister,” states Lan Juan, grinning at Wen Qing who already attached herself to her mentor.
“I want to be an archer.”
Lan Yuan winces at the idea but doesn’t say anything much, dragging the boy to the infirmary. The Wen siblings completely served their purpose, Wei Changze and Sisi can get inside without being dragged into rehabilitation right away. They offer their thank-you gift to Lan Qiren and head directly to the library pavillon after receiving permission.
Unfortunately this visit to Cloud Recesses is vain; while the Lan has the most important library in the region and countless reference books about other people’s sect emblems, they do not find the one they’re looking for.
Meng Shi doubts it is a brothel’s insignia, as snowflakes and pandas aren’t very sexy or poetic. (which is good, they would be surprised if the Lan Clan had reference books about brothel emblems). So it must be a minor sect, temple or even commoner clan. After all, Wei Changze has been sold as a servant, maybe the two others were sold as such too, or even as monks! Wei Changze can’t help but think he is missing a clue, he is sure he has something about the panda, he feels it. But he can’t remember, the design rings no bells at all. It’s like having a word at the tip of his tongue and yet not managing to blurt it out. It’s so frustrating!
“Maybe it’s not the pattern we have to look for, after all father couldn’t read or write” Sisi sighs; even she only learned how to read thanks to Meng Shi. “but he could understand characters and stuff like that, maybe he drew something that evoked the characters he couldn’t write?”
It’s a bit far fetched, but it’s all they have. They test out what characters could be associated with snow, and what could be associated with pandas, then they make a list of sects whose names are related to those characters.
“Since he could not read or write anything besides his and your names, you should take learning mistakes into account,” adds Meng Shi.
Wei Changze despairs over this; if they have to take mistakes into account there is no end to this.
“You know, when Cangse Sanren was a kid, she thought pandas were giant beasts with tiger paws, elephant trunks, rhinoceros eyes, and cow tails. She told me she was super disappointed when she saw a real one once she left her mountain.”
“Why would she think that?” Scoffs Sisi.
“Who knows, she managed to make A-Ying and A-Cheng believe if they plant their lost teeth in the ground they would grow a teeth tree too….”
The point is taking mistakes into account is impossible. The list of possibilities seems endless. After three days of research, they do not find anything. And on the fourth day, Lan Juan and Lan Yuan finally remember their existence and torture both Sisi and Wei Changze to settle their Qi right after so much stress.
But at least the children are overly happy and spent a wonderful time together.
Well, maybe not Wen Qing, she spends the whole trip locked in the infirmary (only going out to say hi to Lan Huan from time to time). And apparently someone managed to actually get their arm cut off during a night-hunt and Lan Yuan invited the girl to the operation. Wei Changze feels he failed at parenting when he learns about it; he should have said something, right? Prevent this from happening, right? But Wen Qing speaks of the event with stars in her eyes:
“Lan Yuan let me do some stitching!” She brags. “And then I thought about A-Li’s cooking and auntie’s duandai and what can it do if we imbue the stitching threads with spiritual energy too or better make a spiritual weapon from a thread? And Lan Huan said that Lan have technique with guqin cords that could probably be adapted! But he can’t tell me how it works. Except that the book he read to Meng Yao when he was hurt had the technique in it, and Meng Yao remembers how, he said he would tell me and we would train!”
Wei Changze is glad Wen Qing had fun, but he hopes no one is getting their arm cut off and that Lan Qiren will never learn that Meng Yao got his hand on a Lan secret technique.
Fortunately the other kids have more traditional playtime.
Lan Zhan wears an official sacred ribbon now (and already tried to give it to Wei Ying before Lan Qiren stopped him) the red ribbon A-Ying offered him and served as training is now tied to his wrist. He drags Wei Ying everywhere, and shows him everything; including his uncle’s new punishment book.
“It’s like at Lotus Pier,” explains Lan Huan to Meng Yao.
Wei Ying being Wei Ying, he gives the book one glance and then insists to play outside or check if the rabbits are okay instead; determined to try, once again, to make the Lan boy laugh. But Meng Yao shows interest and so Lan Huan continues the lesson.
“Uncle thought it would be great to list out every punishment the sect has sentenced for each crime in one place, that way it helps us be always fair and righteous,” he says.
Meng Yao looks at the list with a hum, frowning a bit at the harshest ones that cause to be lashed by the discipline whip; like the crime of hurting one’s own clansmate. He thinks he prefers the Jiang’s solution for the same crime: being forced to help and serve the one you hurt until they are completely healed. His eyes lands next on the nicest one, that includes many copying lines and handstands. Some punitions have exceptions in case the disciple sentenced to it is unable to perform it for a health reason. One line brings his attention especially; it states what happens to a student who refuses to answer his teacher’s question; having to write an essay about whatever the teacher asked and do handstands for the insolence.
“How is Lan Zhan doing at school?” Meng Yao asks his friend, suddenly worried. Since he arrived, he hadn’t heard the boy mutter a single sound at all; when at least at Lotus Pier during his visit he heard it once or twice. “Does he speak more now?”
Lan Huan winces, last letter he sent Meng Yao he had been worried about it too. So he explains to his friend that Lan Zhan has started following lessons like every other disciple and…
“It didn’t go very well,”
In more sense than one. Lan Huan saw his little brother trying to make friends too, especially through music lessons, but his attempts were mostly interpreted as rubbing his overwhelming talent in their faces. It’s hard to bond with someone when you’re struggling to do an exercise, and another just arrives and does it perfectly, then looks at you with an expression that no one but Lan Huan would interpret as “See? It’s easy, why can’t you do it too?”
Unfortunately the teachers are not helping the boy’s case either:
“He spends most of his time doing handstands and having to write essays. Teachers kept asking him, even when I told them A-Zhan didn’t like speaking, and even less in public. They said he has to overcome this fear and that it is their duty to take him out of his comfort zone.”
He doesn’t look like he agrees with them. Meng Yao stares at Lan Zhan who lets Wei Ying speak for the both of them and only nods and gestures at what he means. He can’t help but think the teachers’ reaction made him take a few steps backward.
“Uncle is trying to convince the elders to let him handle A-Zhan’s education partially,” tells him Lan Huan, a little bit hopeful. “He doesn’t speak a lot more to him but he is very good at inquiry language and is always okay to speak with music, even when he is in a very bad no-talking phase….so they can always communicate that way.”
While it might be the solution to make the abuse stop, it will certainly not help the boy bond with other kids and make some friends, right? He will be isolated from others by statute and special treatment. Lan Huan, with his cheerful and calm personality, already struggles making friends because of his social standing, how will Lan Zhan fare any better when he is...Well. not a social butterfly to begin with.
“Maybe you could spend summer with us, at Lotus Pier,” he proposes. “Maybe it will do him some good! My mother is a very good teacher, everyone at Lotus Pier loves her, and she managed to teach Lan Zhan how to write letters back then...”
Meng Yao certainly wouldn’t say no to seeing Lan Huan more often. Summer is a bit hard for the mountain kids, as they are used to colder weather, but it can be a good point to convince the elders to let them come. That way Lan Huan will train to permeation; this special way to avoid sweating! He is surprised by Lan Huan’s reaction to his invitation; instead of being enthusiastic like usual, the boy instead looks down, shamefully.
“I would rather not, I...I think it's important we stay here this summer...Our mother is not doing very good.”
Lan Huan doesn’t confess he eavesdropped on his uncle’s conversation with the healers; and how they all think their mother won’t last another year. Some even say it’s even a miracle she made it through this winter. He wants to deny the truth with all his heart, but each monthly visit confirms his fear, as his mother struggles to do simple tasks she used to do so easily before. She is always short of breath, everytime she lies down or sits she needs help to get back up. She stopped gardening and instructed Lan Huan what to do instead. She gets sick like commoners too now, despite her core’s supposed protection. He is scared the healers are right, and that soon, his mother will be gone.
And it confuses him because he doesn’t know what he will do when this happens. When he thought about that the first time around he cried without being able to stop the tears, for what felt like hours. Until his whole body felt light while his head was so, so heavy. with his nose itchy and his throat tight. Then the pain nested inside his heart and despite feeling it every time his thoughts head toward his mother, his eyes remain dry. He is just glad he managed to not get caught in this moment of weakness, neither by his uncle or his brother, or they would have worried, and he would have had to tell them.
Meng Yao doesn’t know what to say to his friend either; the mere thought of losing his mother terrifies him. So he simply takes back his invitation and says:
“If you need to talk about it, I’m here.”
It’s all he can offer. And Lan Huan doesn’t take it. The truth is, he doesn’t want to tell anyone, saying it would make it feel more real. And he doesn’t want it to be real. He wants his mother to last until the end of time.
Meng Yao regrets not being able to smooth his friend’s worry, but he thinks that, at least the boy won’t be alone. After all, Mingjue told him he will be coming to study at Cloud Recesses this year.
Madam Lan...is a touchy subject. Meng Yao doesn’t know much about her; she isn’t in the future-manual Cangse Sanren writes (and that he steals a peek at every now and then). So it either means she is irrelevant in the future, or...that she isn’t part of the future. Which is okay, Meng Shi, Sisi or him aren’t in the manual too, but that doesn't mean they’re going to die! If they did, then they would have had a nightmare when they did a sleepover with Wei Ying. (At least that’s what the manual implies, and to be fair, Meng yao hadn’t been able to test it with his mother, only with Sisi and him. But since they are always together, there’s no reason for Meng Shi to die when the other two are alive, so she should be fine).
The thought, however, gives him an idea.
“Why don’t we go now and see her with A-Ying and everyone? I’m sure it will cheer her up.”
He can find a way to exhaust A-Ying so he has to take a nap at some point there, or maybe he can talk things up with the adults so they’re all allowed to have a sleepover at Lan Huan’s mother’s place. This way it will clear all doubt in one go! Honestly it seems like a good plan.
Unfortunately Lan Huan shakes his head.
“We can’t do that. She isn’t allowed visitors, Lan Zhan and I can only see her once a month too.”
Meng Yao frowns. He knows no disease that requires such treatment, and he lives under the same roof as Wen Qing, who asks him often to help her learn her medicine books. In Cloud Recesses people say she has a disease that disfigured her and so she is in seclusion, that’s all. But he heard once or twice an elder say “apples don’t fall far from the tree” more often than none when they deemed Lan Zhan or Lan Huan’s action as not perfect. Gossipping is not supposed to be allowed in Cloud Recesses, but it does happen sometimes.
Meng Yao is starting to think, maybe it’s a bit more complicated than that. He wonders if he should ask Cangse Sanren or Wei Changze about it; but doing so would expose the fact that he...kind of listens to them every time they have a secret reunion about the future. Since Sisi and Meng Shi know, maybe he could go through her to ask?
But what would he say, he wonders. And he doesn’t find the answer to this question before it is time to go back to Lotus Pier.
Notes:
Okay Okay....I've finally finished the Madam Lan's flash back chapter (i might return to it for a few additions/correction but it's mostly over.) And it's 120 pages long. As you uess this is WAY too big ; are you still up for a big chapter ? Personally i'm against it, (it will be a pain to stop reading and finding back the passage you were at) but i don't want to go back on my words. Si here iis what can happen :
-I publish the chapter as it is, 120 pages long and you deal with it as you feel like it.
-I split the chapter up ; saying that each chapter is 20 pages (the double that you usually gets) it means 6 chapters (i think??)
-I publish the chapter up as it is, 120 pages, but at the same time i create a new story in the same serie, that will cover the flash back and will be 6 (??) chapter long. That way you can stop reading it at the end of the chapter and hop to the next one. I'm not sure about this solution as i don't think you can take the flash back out of context of this fic (too much lore going on) but on the other hand it will allow me to put the appropriated tags and trigger warning.What do you prefer? I leave this decision up to you, dear readers.
In the meantime i wish you all a very good week and see you on friday for a fluffy missing scene where you'll learn what Lan Yuan's first lesson on flying swords went ;)
Chapter 87: Madam Lan
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're all doing well !
This chapter is now beta-read both by Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie! A big thanks to both of them for making editing a little bit more fun <3
I also bring you the decision that was made : i asked last chapter what you wanted to do with the big flash back, the result are (if i didn't count wrong)
4 of you wanted a different fic. 2 of you wanted the big chapter in one go. 8 of you wanted the big flash back being split. So it's what's going to happen : the split. I will, as always, try to warn you when there's something to trigger (if it doesn't spoil the text) and provide you with a summary of last part so you can skip the chapter if it makes you uncomfortable and still know what has happened ! ^^...And now, the summary of previous chapter --> Still looking for the Wei sibling, the group went to Cloud Recesses, hoping the library would provide some clues. Unfortunately it doesn't and Wei Changze is more than ever doubtful they will find Mingyao, Mingyan and Wanyue, even if Sisi is not ready to lose hope yet. On the other side the children spent a good time together, Wen Qing and Wen Ning studying under Lan Yuan, Wei Ying playing with lan Zhan, and Meng Yao and Lan Huan bonding together. The elders aren't so patient and kind with Lan Zhan's tendency to go mute, and so punish him often, which makes Lan Huan worry. Meng Yao wanting to comfort his friend invited the two Lan brother at Lotus Pier, unfortunately Lan Huan refused ; his mother is very ill and he is more than aware than she might not last any longer. Would that be true, though? Meng Yao never saw Madam Lan's name in the book telling the future events Cangse Sanren keeps. As they returned to Lotus Pier, he wondered if there was anything he could do, and if Madam Lan was simply insignificant for the future events or, if her fate was grim...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“A-Yao told me about Lan Huan’s mother,” Meng Shi tells her, when she comes back from Cloud Recesses with everyone else.
Cangse Sanren looks at her sister-in-law. She likes to call her that because it makes Meng Shi giggle and Sisi thinks she’s hiding her blush well but she truly doesn’t—at least not well enough for Cangse Sanren to miss it. Then she bends her head to the side, hiding her nervousness:
“What of it? What did he tell you?”
“That Lan Huan’s mother is sick and in seclusion, and I wondered if...maybe you knew what the future held for her? Perhaps you could use your tool to…you know?”
Cangse Sanren shakes her head; not willing to fight the silence spell today, especially to not bring any good news. Though it’s not bad news either. She doesn’t know if the woman survived in the future. But she doubts it.
“Can’t you do something about it? You or Wen Qing? Like she did for my bad cough?” Asks Meng Shi, touching her chest unconsciously.
Wen Qing is starting to believe she misunderstood her father’s intent in the first place. Wen Qing believed her father wanted to teach common people to build a core to help them heal faster (even a tiny one). Now she realizes building a core is too complicated, especially when you start late, so she thinks she misunderstood her father’s intention. He must have had a lesser goal in mind than core building.The former prostitute can finally feel the spiritual energy and make it flow from one point to another of her body. Thanks to that she can do minor cultivator tricks, fight better than her level of training should allow her to, and the purpose has been met; it has helped immensely to fight her respiratory disease. Wen Qing wrote in her manual that maybe, commoner people don't need a golden core to expand their life span and be easier to cure. Maybe they could stop at this half-cultivating state. A golden core takes around 5 years to form, with the proper training, knowledge and age. It can take 10 years if the student is not talented, sick, or if his teaching or the method of cultivation isn’t appropriate for them. While it is not so much for cultivators, for common people it’s a lot of time; a lot of work and effort too. The last stage to build a core is often violent physically or mentally, and very demanding. One has to go through Inedia, a long period of time without eating and drinking to some extent. And there’s always a special cultivation method, the last step to do that is kept secret within the sect. Without the Golden core people are weaker and still fall ill like normal people, but by being able to control their Qi and manipulate it from one point to another they can still make the medicine they take more efficient. It is enough to get by.
Meng Shi probably thinks Madam Lan is a commoner and that such an idea would save Lan Huan’s mother as well. It’s smart and kind, but unfortunately, it won’t work. Madam Lan is a cultivator, she has a golden core. Though her spiritual energy is probably sealed given the fact she is in a prison seclusion; making her unable to use her energy….
Actually Meng Shi makes a point.
It’s been three years since she met the Madam, two years since Cangse Sanren started talking with her every two days, and she has seen her health declining, slowly but surely. The past few weeks, she has been coughing too. She assumed so far that it has been the result of her curse; but maybe it’s not. But surely if the woman is sick, the Lan wouldn’t let her disease get worse on purpose, right?
...The fact that she isn’t sure anymore says a lot about her broken faith in the Lan Sect. However she does trust Lan Yuan and Lan Juan. They would never allow Madam Lan to be sick if they could avoid it. She has to trust them they are doing the best they can to keep her healthy.
She cannot do much, as medicine is not her forte, There's nothing she can do about it except try to be a friend and be there for the other woman.
And even that she is not very good at it.
It is a bit sad, but Cangse Sanren and Madam Lan have not a lot in common. Qingheng-Jun and Cangse Sanren have not a lot in common either; she had attempted to talk to him as much as Madam Lan. It’s funny how the spouses have the same damn hobby. Madam Lan likes plants, reading, music, and poetry. Cangse Sanren likes music and poetry as long as it’s Wei Changze who does it, and to be fair, he could fart a melody and she would clap with the same enthusiasm (but don’t tell him that, he would be sad). Madam Lan also liked cultivation once, and fighting, but everytime the subject is raised she is so full of anger that Cangse Sanren thinks she could compete with Yu Ziyuan and win. And it is hard to express anger when you have to make a joke with your hands only (without being shamelessly inappropriate, which is probably not to Madam Lan’s taste); it’s unfortunate but the genius has a hard time handling the whole conversation and befriends her. It doesn’t help that bringing up their children—their only common love—makes the trapped woman immensely sad.
At first her plan hadn’t been to just speak to the woman; it’s a bit embarrassing, but she naively thought they could plan some prison break mission and get her out of Cloud Recesses. But her proposition had been shot down as soon as Madam Lan mastered the sign language enough to talk back.
“ Where would I go?” She had said.
“Lotus Pier!” Of course, Cangse Sanren answered. Sure they would have to be very cautious because Jiang Fengmian couldn’t hide a Lan Clan fugitive in the open, but…
But then it hit her that if she did that, Madam Lan would have to hide at Lotus Pier instead of Cloud Recesses; it would be just changing prisons. Maybe a little better and less solitary of a prison but still one. And even if she did, that would also mean that Cangse Sanren might hide Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan one of the persons responsible for their fathers’ deaths. The thought of betraying them made her rethink her plan.
“ It’s okay, I'm fine with me being here until the day I die,” affirmed Madam Lan. “ I have my husband and my kids close.”
The other problem with prison breaking would be to separate her from her family indeed, and despite her condition, she doesn’t seem to want that.
“ If you change your mind, tell me, and we will find something,” Cangse Sanren promised.
Madam Lan thanked her, but two years after that, hadn’t asked the inventor to keep her word.
How do you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved? Cangse Sanren has started thinking about this since she met her other son, the Yiling patriarch, and every time she talks to Madam Lan, she feels the same way. She still doesn’t know what to do except refuse to give up.
After all it is not about her; it is to give lonely people some semblance of life. But they mostly talk about the letters and how to send them to Lan Zhan and Lan Huan after her death without getting caught. It’s a very depressing subject and Cangse Sanren managed to bear it for a while because it gave her an invention idea (A qiankun pouch that is connected to another one, that way two people from a long distance can share the same storage space) but the invention is not working yet and so the frustration and the depression are building up...And she really needs a break from it. So she brings other people into the secret. As she said it is not about her, but Madam Lan’s solitude! Making her interact with others can only do her good too! Right? Right?
“Besides, I need to work too!” Cangse Sanren tells herself to feel less guilty. “And deal with my family a bit, helping my husband looking for his long lost siblings, children to raise and save...Incense burner to create...”
It happens by accident. Since Madam Lan knows a lot about plants and that Wen Qing’s garden is finally there, the little girl needs guidance on what she can cultivate together. Besides if the little girl happens to have an idea on how to fight the curse or the woman’s cough, it’s all the better!
The fact that she is teaching Wen kids the way the Jiang will secretly communicate flies totally over Cangse Sanren’s head. Especially since Wen Qing is very happy at the idea, (and so is Wen Ning because his sister is very adamant about teaching him everything she learns) but soon enough the little Wen girl hits the limit of the hand languages Wei Changze made up. Wei Changze cannot handle the little girl’s disappointment, and since it is either work on that or look for his lost sibling and be depressed about not finding them, the choice is quite easy to make.
It’s not like there’s anything much he can do to look for them at this point either. They read every book that could help in the Jiang library and the Lan. There’s no clue. And he cannot just leave the sect and wander off, hoping to come across the right place by luck. Every one of their disciples know what he is looking for, and they keep their eyes open during nighthunts. There’s also Yanli’s mentor, the rogue cultivator that started visiting, every now and then. He came this summer, for the third time in a row, and saw what Sisi was working on. Wei Changze has been reluctant to ask him for help; as they don’t know much about him and where his loyalty lies, and he doesn’t want unwanted attention on his sibling (it could be dangerous)...But Sisi was too fast and spilled the beans before he could stop her and make up a lie to cover it up. Surprisingly though, the man listened and had looked especially interested in the portraits Sisi showed him.
“And so you want to find all of your siblings?” He had asked, then, puzzled. “But to do what?”
“I just need to know if they are well and alive,” confessed Sisi.
“And if they are in trouble or unhappy where they are, we can offer them a home,” added Wei Changze.
In the end Yanli’s mentor promised to look around too and warn them if his travel led him to such an insignia related to snow or panda. But they haven’t got news from him since summer and so have little hope he did find anything. Maybe they will know next year.
In the meantime Wei Changze drops the research and takes the time to complexify the language so Wen Qing can talk gardening to her heart’s content. Which leads him to meet with Madam Lan officially (and not just sharing a glance or two over his wife’s shoulders) and participate in the meeting too. Which is good because he finally has someone to talk about music. Sure he likes everyone in the Jiang, but for them if it isn’t about wood carving then it’s not art (a pity truly). The only art people that remain are Meng Shi, Sisi and Wei Ying. And one of them is 7 years old. The other is his long-lost sister with whom he still has yet to get to know better (even after all that has happened), and whose current obsession is finding out the other siblings and nothing else. And the last one is the biological mother of his ward and his sister's strange best friend-maybe-more. So yeah, he is very relieved to have other options.
But at one point they have to talk about something else than music.
Which leads him to question this; why is the woman there? Why does Cangse Sanren, Lan Juan and Lan Yuan, insist these conversations are very important for the woman’s health. But they also come to Lotus Pier for check up and torture the Wei perdiodically with the same excuse, despite the fact that Wei Changze is technically healed and cleared to dive and go to the mountain and train and do whatever he wants!
“It’s improving”, assures Lan Juan to Cangse Sanren, once. “We got scared this winter but she made it out, she should be fine. And last time I went to see her she asked me how much longer she could get by, if she tried to fight—” she hiccups even though Wei Changze is sure she hasn’t noticed his presence—and resumes, never clarifying what the Madam has to fight: “She never bothered with it before.”
“And how long can she last if she does?” Asks Cangse Sanren, not looking relieved by the healer’s words.
“Well winter is approaching again so it will be critical, but if she goes through it again, then the remaining time of the year should be fine. Though it’s complicated, we never quite understood how it killed anyone, sometimes it could take years, sometimes it was super fast. I just know she entered the last stage of it recently, once it gets to the lung, there’s not much time left.”
It sounds like a disease. Yet, when Wei Changze demands explanations from his wife, she remains silent, looking strangely guilty.
“Do you think it can be dangerous for the Jiang sect?” Wonders Jiang Fengmian, when Wei Changze shares his doubts with his friend.
With Cangse Sanren it is a very likely possibility. But Wei Changze doesn’t want to believe it and when Yu Ziyuan asks, Cangse Sanren replies with anguish:
“I cannot say.”
Which does piss off Madam Yu so much:
“You are an adult and a genius! Use your brain to analyse options and consequences and tell us if it’s dangerous or not, surely you can do it?!”
“Aw, you think I’m a genius and an adult, that’s so sweet!” Deflects Cangse Sanren. “No one would ever guess!”
Yu Ziyuan goes off and ruins the training field before she kills her sworn sister. Jiang Fengmian, more patient, asks again;
“You don’t want to say, or you cannot?”
Cangse Sanren smiles with relief; she seems to test out her words before opening her mouth (a rarity that scares Wei Changze a little bit):
“I cannot, and neither can Lan Juan and Lan Yuan.”
It gives them all headaches. Wei Changze continues to work on the hand language and he looks at the strange, weak woman he sees in the reflection in the bowl of water. So one day, as he tests out a new vocabulary he dares asks the woman:
“Who are you?”
And the woman answers; gives him her name, Liu Hua, and her title: Madam Lan. Wei Changze is completely floored by the news: it is Lan Zhan and Lan Huan’s mother. Qigheng-Jun’s wife. Why all these secrets? Surely, someone of this importance could send a letter, even come to visit Lotus Pier, if she wanted. If they have to go behind everyone’s back that means she is not allowed to. That would explain why Cangse Sanren acts like this. Now that he thinks about it, when he went to Cloud Recesses, a little bit before summer, some three months ago, he didn’t see her at all. Neither did he see Qingheng-Jun. But it is known that the Lan leader is cultivating in seclusion to reach immortality. The next guess is evident; she must be in seclusion too. But why? For the same reason as her husband? Or did she Qi deviate? Is this why she is in seclusion and both Lan Juan and Lan Yuan are healing her? Why is she hidden and not authorized to communicate? Is it because their research is secret? Because having a Lan Qi deviate is shameful? It makes senses, but also doesn’t. He does not think Lan Juan or Lan Yuan would support such isolation, in fact he knows enough about their treatment to be sure that they would encourage quite the opposite!
Only yesterday, when they came back for a surprise visit (and got buried under a children-pile) and learned about Wei Changze’s...unsuccessful research about his other siblings whereabouts...They chased him all throughout Lotus Pier (With Wen Qing helping them). And while he tried to get away from them, Wei Changze ran into Yu Ziyuan. Of course he immediately asked her to hide him, like a decent, functioning adult. And she almost let him; but then she saw Lan Juan and Lan Yuan pass by, and she ordered explanations.
He should have lied to her, but instead he had been honest and told her:
“They want to talk about my feelings.”
Yu Ziyuan groaned and he thought she was relating to his every-day torture/rehabilitation. But she did not. Instead she betrayed him and yelled: “He is here!” selling him to his torturer/doctors.
Wei Changze made a point to stare at her angrily while the Lan dragged him back, considering going back to being mad at her (even if he knows deep down she did it for his own good).
Anyways, the thing is, if the Lan woman is in seclusion for Qi deviation, he doubts it is Lan Juan and Lan Yuan’s doing.
So Wei Changze asks Madam Lan again, this time: “Why are you a prisoner?”
He uses the word prisoner because seclusion is not yet a word he’s had to come up with; whereas hostage and prisoner are emergency words that he imagined right away.
But he sees the effect this specific word has on Madam Lan. She frowns and bites her lips. She hesitates. Her hands tremble, as she forms the sentences at first, and then, she gains confidence, as surprise crosses her features and then she cannot stop talking.
She is a prisoner. She cannot leave the house. She shouldn’t be able to talk about it. But yet she can now. When she starts crying, Wei Changze goes to look for Cangse Sanren in a hurry, (and Lan Juan and Lan Yuan, just in case) and they all discuss for a long hour, half laughing, half sobbing for some of them. Wei Changze translates their conversation in the secrecy of his mind, but little to nothing makes sense, as he misses a good bit of context. What he gets is that somehow, they were both unable to talk about the matter, that they’ve tried, and tried and tried again, with no success. Madam Lan even says she has tried through music language, Inquiry, Lan Juan explains, but that has been all in vain. But then with their hands it worked. It finally worked!
“Maybe,” Says Cangse Sanren aloud, carefully, “the silence spell from the Lan Sect forbids people to communicate by means that the Lan caster understands. ”
And since the Jiang language is still very much a secret, and completely new, it goes through the net. After this revelation, things get a little bit complicated. Cangse Sanren asks for an emergency meeting with the Jiang, and there she tells them, almost if a bit too late, what she learned during her time back in Cloud Recesses. She tells them about the woman trapped in a house, allowed to see her children only one day a month, hence the reason why she had given her the means to communicate with them, to alleviate her pain. She also speaks of QingHeng-Jun and his seclusion, and of some curse that she doesn’t understand completely. She shows them the letters Madam Lan asked her to give to her son once she passed away, and the token containing a tiny part of the soul of the Lan couple from a technique she hadn’t figured out yet. She hesitates, and then, decides to finally tell them what she hid the first time. After all, it has come to the light that lies weren’t advised between them and would only cause may trouble.
So she also tells them about the suspicions regarding Madam Lan, how she could be at the origin of the curse that killed so many cultivators, Jiang Fengmian’s parents, and Yu Ziyuan’s father included.
“How could the Lan Sect hide something so serious?” Yells Yu Ziyuan,standing up furious.
“To prevent a war,” answers Jiang Fengmian, immediately.
Wei Changze is more concerned by the fact that they inflicted a silencing curse on his wife, this is a declaration of war in his mind more than anything else.
“How could you accept this so calmly?” Yu Ziyuan and Wei Changze say to their partners at the same time, both for two different reasons.
Cangse Sanren shrugs this off, as she didn’t have much choice about it. Yes she had been very angry at the Lan Sect for restricting her liberty, and for their hypocrisy, but she couldn’t do a thing. So she just pushed it in the back of her mind and dealt with more pressing matters—it’s not like they hadn’t got a lot of them lining up the past years. They still have. She is working on spiritual tools, they are looking after the children, she spends hours talking with Jiang Fengmian about his sect development and what she can invent to help! The barrier, a way to communicate with her blob-son, her actual son’s health, the future inn-watch-towers system, the incense burner, the recruitment books... There was a lot on her plate honestly! She only has so much space in her brain to worry about things!
Besides, a part of her is furious about the Lan Sect, but Cangse Sanren had been an awful guest, she stepped on their rules and disobeyed them outwardly when they helped (and are still helping; because Lan Yuan and Lan Juan are Lan, and proud to be ones). So it seemed normal she got punished for it (even though she still thinks she had been inherently right). The fact that the punishment is disproportionate has crossed her mind, sure, but she is used to it; she has been raised by Baoshan Sanren after all.
Jiang Fengmian, however, is not in the same mindset, his jaw clenches and his fists are curled at his robe, as he repeats, cold:
“We have to remain calm too. It’s to prevent a war.”
He is not losing his shit because he does not want peace to shatter over this. There are tensions with Wen Clan, and Jin Clan still. They cannot afford to be angry at another Clan. What once stopped him to be outwardly hostile to the Jin can stand for the Lan as well. He cannot be angry. Not yet. Even for his parent’s memories. Maybe it helps, also, that Jiang Fengmian had refused to see his father on his deathbed. His last memory of him is good, and he has been called unfilial for his decision back then, what’s once more?
Yu Ziyuan frowns, she is too smart to not understand what her husband means by that, even if she despises politics, she understands it. They cannot go against the Lan Clan, and ask for compensation when they aren’t supposed to know. When they don’t have solid ground to support them if a war happens. She is aware of those facts but that doesn’t mean it is any less hard to swallow.
“She is dying from the curse too,” Cangse Sanren says with her hands, trying to comfort her sworn sister. “She is a prisoner, even if she is guilty of what they accuse her of, she is being punished for it.”
But it doesn’t feel enough for Yu Ziyuan; the curse took her father. Maybe the others don’t understand because they didn’t have good parents, but she did. She loved her father very much. He was firm and harsh but he was also kind and tender with his daughters and wife. He was one of the closest people Yu Ziyuan ever felt with, as they shared the same kind of temper and still found happiness in marriage somehow. And he died, and left his wife sad and broken, despite the numerous fights they shared. How can she accept this exactly? That the murderer of her father has not been judged for it?
“I want to talk to that woman. ” She finally orders.
“Yu Ziyuan,” Cangse Sanren the she pleads with her hand, “She has two children, Lan Zhan and Lan Huan. They only see her once a month—”
“And my father is dead, I can’t see him anymore at all!” Yu Ziyuan snaps back. “You didn’t lose anyone to the curse—”
She stops because she knows she is going to tell again a truth that will hurt just for the sake of hurting. But of course it is easy for Cangse Sanren to disregard the problem. She didn’t see a loved one die like this. Didn’t witness how much they suffered at the end. How long it took for the rot to settle in their body and what it did to their organs. How much they tried everything to keep them alive, including cutting limbs, thinking that it could stop the spreading...All in vain!
Jiang Fengmian closes his eyes at that, and Wei Changze notices the sadness in his friend’s stance. He hadn’t been here when the previous Sect leader died; he had already eloped. But he had been aware of him being infected by the curse. He had seen it right before going to Cloud Recesses. He even thinks that the reason why Jiang Fengmian's father sent him to Gusu was to prepare him to take over not long after his return. Which he did. The man was already planning his end. Wei Changze regrets not having been here for his friend, but he is glad he hadn’t witnessed the man’s agony either.
“I also want to talk to this Madam Lan,” Jiang Fengmian admits, with a sad tone. “Maybe it will help to know why they died.”
Cangse Sanren can’t tell them no; but they wait until Lan Juan and Lan Yuan are back to Cloud Recesses, so they can be with their Madam if she needs it. So when she activates the communication array with Madam Lan, they leave all the children under the care of Meng Shi and Sisi so that Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan and Wei Changze can sit with her.
Unfortunately Madam Lan does not answer the call. In fact, she will never answer her call ever again. One day later, the jade token she gave the inventor so long ago lights up in the middle of the night. It casts a sad and lonely glow all over the room.
Notes:
I'm so sorry for thos who wanted that i saved Madam Lan...There was just no way for our characters to help her in the situation she was right now. But fear not those who want lan Zhan and Lan Huan to have his parents like everyone else, if Madam Lan is not alive anymore i have a way to keep her in the story in some way. (Though it will have to wait a bit longer before she reappears)
I want to say my tags are still up : after all i said everyone lives except some like Wen Chao and people with no canon name (which means people i had to come up with a name, which includes ; Lan Juan, Lan Yuan, Madam Jin, Sect Leader Nie, Madam Nie, Madam Lan, Qingheng-Jun...) That doesn't mean i will kill them all, of course, just that they are more at risk than the others. (especially during the war and for story purpose / saving your author from too many characters / make Baoshan Sanren not a liar when she says saving people from the original timeline delays their death only)
I added a chapter that takes place in Cloud Recesses before the big Flash Back. We enter a big moment of angst (and i'm sorry for that) but i promise you the end of part 1 is happier and there's lot of fluff (because i need it too UU°)
Now that all is said and done, i leave you there and wish you a good week, see you on friday for next chapter ;)
Chapter 88: Qingheng-Jun
Notes:
Hi eveyrone ! I hope you're all doing great =)
As for myself 'ive been doing...Well, the week started with LOT of work x) (read : lot, LOT) so i'm a bit tired right now, i will write a bit this week end but my plan is to mostly rest and play video games. And you?
Anyways, here is the previous chapter summary : For the last two years, Cangse Sanren had been talking diligently to Madam Lan through the Jiang Secret communication array. While they do not consider themselves as "friends" she tried her best to make the woman less alone. And it worked, the Lan healers when they visited, said she did felt better, that she tried to fight the curse that was killing her slowly. Summer went by, and like the previous year they saw Yanli's old mentor again, who promised to help the Wei to find their siblings. Cangse Sanren introduced Wen Qing to the Jiang's secret hand language, so she could talk plants with madam Lan when she could not make herself available and this lead to Wei Changze improving the language and meeting her too...Which then lead them all to discover that using the hand language they could tiptope around the Lan silecing spell Cangse Sanre, Lan Yuan, Lan Juan and Madam Lan had been under. Immediately Cangse Sanren came clean and told her friend the truth about what she discovered in cloud Recesses so many years ago ; that madam Lan was linked to the curse that sread and killed so many, years ago, including Yu Ziyuan's father, and Jiang Fengmian's parents. Immediately the Jiang wanted explanation and ordered to be introduced to the Madam to knwo the truth...but unfortunartely they couldn't. Despite her effort, madam Lan passed away a few days later. The token that she gave to Cangse Sanren once started to light up, showing that it held now a part of the deceased's soul within its core...
In the meantime at Cloud Recesses...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 88 - Qingheng-Jun
When Lan Yuan and Lan Juan come back to Cloud Recesses, it is already way too late. The autumn breeze has been especially frigid this year; inevitably the mountain has suffered from storms, and in the last few days, they expect it to turn into a snowstorm. It is custom for people on the peaks to fall sick in this period. Most of the time it is nothing but a small cough that you can easily get rid of with care; but unfortunately it can be quite deadly for those with weak health and poor lungs. Madam Lan, due to the curse, unfortunately fell into the last category. The woman went to sleep, lulled by her husband’s melody, and somewhere during the night her body couldn’t take in enough oxygen to awaken again, which induced a coma, then death. Her husband found her in the morning, as he tried to play a song and received no answer, he went to see. When he called back the meal bringer for help there was already little they could do: being stubborn and forcing her to awaken by giving her spiritual energy and making the Qi circulate would only cause her to wake up as an empty shell.
“She is already a prisoner of this house, I don't think she would want to be a prisoner in her own body,” says Qingheng-Jun, when the healers explain to him the situation.
But the elders insist she is to be saved at all cost, and so Lan Yuan does try when he returns. It’s in vain; two of her souls are already gone, what the healers did in his absence is nothing but preserve her body and give it the illusion of life.
“If it’s of any comfort,” he says to Qingheng-Jun, when he goes to tell him that his wife is gone; “She probably didn’t suffer at all.”
Qingheng-Jun closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and says:
“It is a comfort, thank you for telling me. Please make sure Lan Huan and Lan Zhan know that too.”
Lan Yuan thinks it’s Lan Qiren’s job or his to do so, but if no one is willing to relay the message, he will.
“It’s too bad she didn’t die from the curse, in the end, she would have deserved it.” One of the elders says, when Lan Yuan brings them the same news.
Lan Qiren just look at Lan Yuan, completely lost, and mumbles:
“How do I tell her sons about it?”
Lan Yuan doesn’t know that, so he doesn’t answer. He wonders what he could have done to make Madam Lan’s life longer, but he has no clue. He knows too little about the curse; and just when she would finally be able to share her secret, she died. Maybe it’s the relief of being free that caused her downfall. It happens sometimes, just like some people collapse and die only once they finish their task when they should have fainted long ago. In the end it doesn’t change the result: Madam Lan is dead, and she takes with her her fair share of secrets.
He goes to the ancestral hall, and gives the person Madam Lan killed, Teacher, a prayer through an incense stick. Then he adds another for the Madam.
When she cleans up the place Lan Juan retrieves the ribbon that she used for communicating with Cangse Sanren. Her heart is heavy when she leaves the house: more than ten years among them and all there is left of the woman’s life is contained in a tiny box. She looks at the gentians that surround the place. Leaves have not yet fallen down, and there are still some flowers left, valiantly resisting the freezing wind. Among the blue gentians, one yellow flower stands out. When she gets closer Lan Juan realizes, thanks to her healer training, that it is a poisonous plant. Fortunately it does not look like anyone touched it in a long time. She rips it away before an accident happens.
The day after Madam Lan’s official death date, Lan Qiren tells the boys that their mother is gone. That they won’t be going to the gentian house this month—or ever again. Lan Huan doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t cry either, which worries Lan Qiren; A-Huan has always been the most emotional of the two brothers. Lan Qiren asks him if he is alright, if he understands, and Lan Huan replies, his voice all weak and resigned:
“I knew it would happen.”
And the truth is, Lan Huan did cry; a lot, in secret, when he eavesdropped the news earlier in the spring. And now he feels like he has no tears left; as if he spent everything he had back then. He is not sure he understands why he can’t cry when the hole in his chest is very much there. But he doesn’t.
The following day he goes to the class like he would have every other day, only putting white robes on. Lan Qiren sees him sticking to Nie Mingjue’s side. The older boy knows what it’s like to be mother-orphaned, and so Lan Qiren hopes the teen will find the right words to say.
Lan Zhan’s reaction to the announcement is more complicated. He looks at his brother’s with confusion, then at his uncle, like he doesn’t understand. He wears the white mourning clothes without a complaint but Lan Qiren isn’t sure the boy gets it...Until they have their music lesson together. Lan Zhan plays on his training guqin, asking for his mother’s name through inquiry language. Of course his mother’s spirit doesn’t reply; the boy is too little to know how to use inquiry correctly even if he has a good grip on his spiritual energy, he hasn’t formed a golden core yet, would not before a few years, and such a spell needs a steady one.
“A-Zhan,” Lan Qiren tries to explain, but he doesn’t know how.
Lan Qiren doesn’t know what to do to soothe their pain, and a selfish part of him thinks it’s their father's job, not his. So as soon as the lesson is over he goes to his older brother’s house. Once upon a time, Qingheng-Jun had been admired for his determination to save people. He had wanted to help everyone, even the dead and the fierce corpses, offering them mercy when no one would. It had been a good trait until he stumbled into Liu Hua’s path and decided to save her too, but failed miserably. Lan Qiren hopes that now she is gone, he will see reason and know who needs his help more than anything.
“Your sons need you.”
Qingheng-Jun looks at his little brother, his face pale and his eyes swollen and replies:
“I don’t think so.”
But Lan Qiren doesn’t let him close back the door.
“They already lost their mother, don’t you think they should at least have their father back?”
“You’re more their father than I've ever been.” Qingheng-Jun says.
The answer infuriates Lan Qiren; but to be frank, everything his brother did the past decade infuriates him. He doesn’t understand; where is the man he looked up to as a kid, where is the heir that everyone showered with praises? Where has he gone? What did this woman do for him to vanish the moment he met her?! Lan Qiren wants his brother back, and he wants his nephews to have someone to share their pain with because he sure as hell isn’t sad Madam Lan is gone for good and he can’t lie to them about it. He wants this decade old problem to be over and everyone to move on.
“You’re their father, and they need you,” he repeats.
“I will only ruin them.”
Qingheng-Jun stops and looks at his little brother, a little bit shaky:
“You remember, when father called Teacher back to Cloud Recesses? When he presented them to us and told us they would raise us in his stead?”
Lan Qiren bites his lips. How could he forget? There’s a rule on the wall that states that if one person finds themself unfit to raise their child, they can ask the clan or name someone to do it in their stead. This rule has been made to protect kids from abusive parents, or help dishonoured young mothers, or people who couldn’t feed their offspring. That’s what their father had done, when his wife died, arguing that the grief was taking too much of a toll on him and that the clan couldn’t afford him ruining the heirs. That’s also the rules the elders used to make sure Lan Huan and Lan Zhan were raised by Lan Qiren.
“The situation is different,” he says.
“How?” Asks Qingheng-Jun. “How is it different? Father didn’t want to ruin us, because he couldn’t see our faces without thinking about mother. Well i can’t look at them without thinking about Teacher or Liu Hua and I-”
He shakes his head.
“I cannot...I cannot get out, Qiren, I tried. I tried to go ask for help sooner. When it was over I tried to go and force them to use inquiry like they promised, even willing to propose myself for empathy but...”
Lan Qiren blinks, confused; he has not been warned of such attempts. Once, many years ago, he had been called out to the house because his brother had collapsed and asked for a healer. Lan Yuan, freshly appointed as the head-healer successor came and checked. Qingheng-Jun had nothing wrong physically. His Qi was in turmoil, at the verge of Qi deviation, probably due to his proximity with Madam Lan, and all her curse and resentment but—He is alright now. Surely, after all this time, the problem is fixed, right?
Lan Qiren is tired. He is exhausted and looks at his brother without recognizing him. Is it truly the man he used to adore, the one they called Qingheng-Jun, that danced with death and people called a genius?
Look at what she has done to you, he thinks, again and again. And look at what she still does when she is gone and all of this should be finally over.
At the end of his patience, he looks at his brother in the eyes and says:
“Teacher once said that you should always favor the living over the dead. Do you remember?”
Qingheng-Jun lowers his gaze, guilty.
“You used this excuse to explain why you would choose your wife over Teacher again and again. But now she is gone! She is gone but your sons are still here! And they need you. So if you keep favoring her despite everything...then…”
He looks at his brother, and thinks that truly, it is not the one he once loved anymore.
“Then I will stop coming to see you. I will stop considering you as my brother. You’ll be as good as dead for me.”
“Qiren...”
“What do you choose?”
“Qiren…Give me a little ti-”
“You didn’t need any time that day when it was Teacher lying on the ground bleeding to death! Why do you need it now?”
Qingheng-Jun, no...Qiangsi, because this man doesn’t deserve the title anymore, closes his eyes, his jaws clenched.
“I can’t get out,” he tries to explain again. “I’m sorry.”
“No. I think you just don’t want to.”
This man is a coward, he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions, he says the Lan clan is the problem, that he doesn’t trust it anymore, but does he try to fix it? No. He just laments over it and hides away to reflect on things he will never do.
“I’m sorry, Qiren.” Qiangsi says.
“I don't accept your apology.” Replies Lan Qiren.
And he walks away. Maybe the man is right; Lan Zhan and Lan Huan don't need a father like that, it will only ruin them. He will take over then, and make sure they never repeat the man’s mistake, no matter what the cost.
He goes to the ancestral hall, and looks at the funeral plate of their teacher, his heart swelling in his chest. He remembers the first fight he had with his brother, before Liu Hua’s trial. He shouted at his brother, asked why he had saved the life of their teacher’s murderess, and Qiangsi had shouted back:
I want answers!
Lan Qiren wanted answers too, once upon a time. But not from Liu Hua; he had wanted answers from Teacher. But over the years he understood he would never have it and moved on. He made peace with it. Hence decided what was the truth; he decided to believe what he had witnessed over the years with his very own eyes. Teacher’s kindness with them, Teacher’s patience, Teacher’s lessons. He will miss them forever. One mistake—if it had been done, which wasn’t even sure—couldn’t erase all the good deeds they had done. One mistake couldn’t invalidate all the Lan clan’s doctrine.
Still. It’s true that the elder promised. So he stands back and walks to the hall. He summons them all, and waits for them until nightfall. They take a lot of time to obey, they always do; because they know Lan Qiren accepted the post as Sect Leader inexperienced and reluctantly, always hoping that someone—his brother—would come back and take his duty away. So of course, they grasped as much power as they could and he let them do it. He followed the rules religiously and respected his elders and their wisdom.
Teacher once told him: “You are the second son, this means that you are to be your brother’s pillar and support. You must be exemplary, show the example so he will never have to correct your behavior. So that no one can point your actions to him and ask why they aren’t allowed as much leisure. Do you understand Qiren? Such is the cross that every second son must bear.”
Maybe they should have taught Lan Qiangsi to follow the rules as diligently as the second son. Maybe things would have turned better. Now Lan Qiren wouldn’t be a second son forced to do the job of the first one.
“Did you perform inquiry with Liu Hua’s spirit, like you promised you would?” He asks the elders when they are finally all seated.
Some of them scoff, annoyed.
“What’s the point? It will prove nothing much than the trial already had.”
“We will know if she lied that day.”
“Even if she didn’t, all her proof was circumstantial. It won’t give you the confirmation that Teacher had been guilty.”
“Yet, you promised. You must keep your words.”
“Qiren—”
“You shall not lie.” Lan Qiren recites, with his most authoritarian voice.
It’s the one he uses when his nephews are protesting against the rules. If they talk to him like he is a child, he doesn’t see why he should not extend the same courtesy to them. Silence follows this show of strength. Then finally, Elder Xian sighs:
“Are you sure you want to know?”
Lan Qiren shakes his head; it doesn’t matter what he wants. They promised, hence they should keep their words, like the rules taught. Because without order, all that there is left is chaos and pain: Qingheng-Jun’s downfall proved that.
“All of the persons involved in this mess are dead, why should we kick a can of worms?” Sighs one elders.
“Be strict with yourself.”
Besides It won’t change anything; what he thinks of his teacher, or his brother, or Liu Hua. It’s too late now. He made up his mind. Qiangsi needs answers. Maybe one day, Lan Zhan and Lan Huan will need it too.
“Perform Inquiry.” He orders. “Write a report. Deliver it to my brother’s house. Put it in the archives. If inquiry isn’t enough, then use empathy.”
“Empathy is dangerous, and she was full of resentment, she hates our clan, it is too dangerous to use empathy. She would use the occasion to kill the one performing the spell.”
“My brother said he is willing to go through it.”
They scoff.
“As if his testimony could be trusted. She manipulated him before, could still do so. And maybe this time she will kill him, the fact she hadn’t done so before proves nothing. Her spiritual energy was sealed. She couldn’t do anything.”
They make a point.
“Then just perform inquiry, but make sure our best player is in so there could be no doubt she is telling the truth.” He compromises.
He stays until they do. He watches as Liu Hua’s spirit appears above the guqin’s strings, and as they do gather, he says:
“Wait.”
Then he goes to retrieve Lan Zhan and Lan Huan. From there he goes to the Mingshi, where the elders in charge had moved for the ceremony of inquiry. They already started. Lan Qiren shows the tiny bubbles that form the spirit summoned by the elders to the boy and says:
“This is how inquiry works, A-Zhan. This is your mother.”
It’s impressive that it is not surrounded by resentment, Liu Hua used to wear it like a cloak while she was alive. But those spirits bubbles are as clear as crystal, if a bit too thin and small. The bubbles turn all red, then blue, and for a moment they float away from the spell, from the guqin strings to linger on her son’s cheek. Lan Huan opens his palm and she brushes the tips of his fingers. She then comes back to the string and without the Elder permission she lets two note rings.
Love. You.
It’s not much, but it’s enough to bring back a smile to Lan Huan’s face, for A-Zhan to nod in confirmation. He bows and says to the elder in charge of the guqin:
“Can I play please?”
It’s the first complete and articulated phrase he ever told them. Stunned, they let him and the boy pinches the cords with confidence, not making a single mistake.
Love. You. Too.
Lan Qiren asks the elders to repeat it, with spiritual power, so it can reach Liu Hua. The bubbles swirl in happiness once it’s done. Then, as it is time for the elders to ask their questions and have their answers, he tells A-Zhan and A-Huan it’s 9pm, they should go to bed.
“Can’t we stay with mother?” Asks A-Huan.
“No. We will discuss things that you are both too young to hear. But if you ever want to, you’ll be able to see it in the archives, once you’re old enough and ready.”
“Will we be able to play and see her again?” Insists A-Huan.
Lan Qiren takes a deep breath in and says:
“No. Inquiry works during the seven days after one’s death, or later if the person turns into a resentful ghost that needs to be purified.”
One elder adds, with a gentle voice: “You want your mother to be at peace, right?”
They don’t answer that, looking guilty for wanting to keep her close to them in those conditions.
“One should let go of such worldly concerns to find true peace,” adds another Elder, wisely.
So they obey and go back home, because they’re good kids, despite the longing look they send behind. Lan Qiren tucks them to their bed and pats their heads. He stays until they fall asleep. When he returns to the hall, the scribe is writing down the report. He doesn’t read it. He knows what is the truth and the truth is that Teacher loved and raised them and Liu Hua killed them.
***
Lan Qiren thinks the matter is handled for a few days, he helps his nephews do the funeral rites, and he sees Lan Huan smile again, during the day, in the company of Nie Mingjue. Lan Zhan also acts normally.
Until the day his monthly visits hit. Then when Lan Qiren wakes up he finds the boy’s bed empty. A-Huan helps him look for him, they check every classroom, especially the music room with the guqin.
“What if he has gone to Lotus Pier?” Mumbles Lan Huan.
“Why would he go to Lotus Pier?” Asks Lan Qiren; he knows he has friends there, and it’s normal to seek for friends when you are hurting but surely, Lan Zhan is smart enough to know he can’t just...go to Lotus pier on his own! It’s very far away, he would need a boat, money to get on the boat!
“Mother—” Lan Huan starts.
Ah! His mother’s house! Lan Qiren thinks. The boy must be at his mother’s house, of course, given the date!
The sky is still gray, it is very early, the sun has not quite risen yet over the mountain, it’s cold and the clouds are gathering announcing the feared snowstorm they all predicted.
They find Lan Zhan kneeling in front of his mother’s house as the first snowflakes are falling down. The boy is half asleep but he is waiting for the door to open diligently. Lan Qiren is worried when he touches the boy’s skin: it’s cold.
“A-Zhan, what are you doing here?” Asks A-Huan, as worried as him.
“It’s mother’s day.” A-Zhan answers without hesitation.
Lan Qiren’s hearts breaks a little, he thought the boy had understood.
“A-Zhan, your mother is gone.” He repeats.
“Gone where? To Lotus Pier?”
He is shivering when Lan Qiren takes him into his arms, not putting up any resistance. He wonders how long he knelt.
“I want to go there,” the boy says, clutching to his uncle’s robe and both Lan Qiren and Lan Huan let out a scared sound at this request.
“You cannot go where she is.” Lan Qiren insists.
“Once a month?” Insists A-Zahn stubbornly.
“No, A-Zhan, not even once a month.”
It’s the first conversation between them that lasts this long and it’s so heartbreaking Lan Qiren wants nothing more than for it to end. He squeezes the boy’s tiny and cold body against his, rubs his back to make sure his limbs don't go all frigid.
“But—she was there.” He says.
Lan Qiren doesn’t know if he is referring to here, alive, in this house, or here, as a spirit still. Maybe it had been a mistake to show him the spirit bubbles, to make him talk to her once he had said she had left. Of course it confused the boy.
“I’m sorry A-Zhan, but she isn’t here anymore. She is gone.”
“Then Lotus Pier?”
Why Lotus Pier? Lan Qiren thinks, confused by both his nephews’ reaction. Are they seeking for the closest mother they know besides their own? Are they looking for Cangse Sanren? He feels wounded deep down; Am I not enough for you? I try my best!
A-Zhan loses consciousness before Lan Qiren can find the right words. His body is too cold, and no amount of spiritual energy is enough to warm him up without a golden core to echo it. By the time they will reach Cloud Recesses again Lan Qiren fears the snow storm would rage and grievously afflict the weakened boy, so he does the only thing he can think of.
“Lan Huan, take your brother to your father’s place.”
He would go back, try to bring a hot towel and then come back for them if the storm allowed him. If not, they would be secure in Qiangsi’s place, as much as the man disappointed him, he would not let his children die in the cold. Just like Lan Qiren promised to never come back and talk to his brother; his nephews’ lives took over such a vow. The living people are more important than the dead ones.
Lan Huan nods at his uncle’s order and immediately gets to his father’s house, holding Lan Zhan close. Lan Qiren knocks, and Qiangsi opens up, still in bedwear. Without a single word Lan Qiren pushes the boys in, and states:
“Snowstorm, I will be back for them if I can. Lan Zhan must be warmed up quickly.”
Then he leaves. As he fears, the snow storm hits before he even reaches the first building of Cloud Recesses and he cannot come back on time.
***
Lan Huan looks at the snow howling outside; it makes the door and window frame shake hard all around. He is afraid it might be ripped away. It’s not the first time he is at his father’s house, but it’s the first time he is allowed to stay. He wishes it was on a joyous occasion but unfortunately it’s not. He hopes Mingjue won’t worry too much not seeing him during classes. He hopes...He hopes Lan Zhan is going to be okay.
Father wrapped the boy in a warm blanket, near the fireplace. He is rubbing his son’s back diligently, murmuring “Come on, A-Zhan, come on…” A-Huan is tasked with the tea and also supervising the fireplace. Father left some rocks in it, he wants to get them out once they're hot enough to be put into clothes and placed near Lan Zhan to warm him up gradually.
“Is he going to be okay?” Lan Huan murmurs, once the tea is good.
Father doesn’t answer and tries to make A-Zhan drink a bit of the liquid. A lot of it spills. Lan Huan feels himself on the verge of tears; when he thought he had none left. He doesn’t want A-Zhan to go where his mother is. He doesn’t want to lose anyone else. It’s all his fault.
“Why are you thinking that?” Father asks, and his tone is a little bit blunt so Lan Huan thinks it’s because he knows already. That he is going to punish him. He deserves it.
“We got letters from Lotus Pier yesterday…” he hiccups. “I read mine then I read Lan Zhan’s letter to him because he was punished and had to do an essay. But there was another letter hidden in it: one that is from m-mother. She gave it to Cangse Sanren so Cangse Sanren would give it to us, that’s what the message said...”
He doesn't understand how it is possible; how Cangse Sanren knew so fast that Madam Lan was dead to be able to send a letter that would arrive within the seven days of her death. But he didn't care at this point, just happy to see the familiar writing. He knew it would please Lan Zhan too so he skipped the explanation short and went straight to the point.
“I just read the letter. He m-must have thought—he…”
He must have thought mother was alive because dead people can’t write letters, right? It’s his fault he didn’t show any restraint when he saw the letter and only thought about himself. The letter wasn’t helpful either, with mother saying goodbye but telling she would always be there with them if they wanted her to be, that she prepared everything for this day. Even he couldn't help but have hopes, and he is older! Lan Zhan is only 7! Lan Huan should have shown more restraint, been a better older brother and—
“Oh No...A-Huan, it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.” Father says, and he hesitates, but finally pats the boy’s head.
A-Zhan mumbles in his sleep, and opens an eye, exhausted. His face is getting some colors back still and Lan Huan sniffs with relief.
“Mom?”
“Sorry A-Zhan, it’s only me and A-Huan here.” Whisper's father. “Do you feel better? Are you cold?”
A-Zhan nods, and says: “Okay.” but then sneezes.
“You’re not very convincing.” Confirms Father.
The three of them spend the whole day wrapped in a blanket together, staying warm and drinking hot tea as the storm rages on outside. At first they say nothing at all, too focused on Lan Zhan’s state, but as soon as the boy gets better, Father starts humming a song. Lan Huan always had his father’s song in the background, but it’s the first time he is this close while he plays it. It’s good, he thinks, leaning on his side.
“Can we come back?” He asks his father, as he feels himself drifting away.
“Once a month.” Adds Lan Zhan, half asleep too.
Father trembles before them, and they are both asleep by the time he whispers:
“Yes.”
Notes:
And after this chapter we start the Madam Lan's flash-back chapters!! I hope you'll like it <3
This chapter was beta-read and edited by Fraudlent_Moose and Nashapixie!! They are awesome as usual <3
Chapter 89: Liu Hua and Lan Qiangsi - Part 1
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're doing okay and that you're all ready for the chapter 89 - aka the beginning of the Madam lan's flash-back and the angst. Once we're done with it i think there's only pure fluff and happy things going on (at least that's my plan but my brain tends to adds angst there and there no matter what). Be warned though that this flash-back arc is harsh : here are the trigger warning for this chapter (at the end notes you'll have the full list of trigger warnings) :
-People being misgendered
As always if it gets too hard for you to read do not hesitate to skip it, i will add a summary of the previous chapter before the next one, as usual. I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. Also i'm aware the popular idea in this fandom is to make Madam Lan's act of murder as self-defense. I do not go that way ; be warned if you expect a Madam Lan that is innocent this is not what you'll get. I do not like that popular trope in the fandom (sorry for those who likes it, it's my unpopular opinion, feel free to disagree ; and if it's any comfort i don't like when they take all the blame from Qingheng-Jun either xo Here it might seems that way because we're focusing on Madam Lan's pov, but it is not the case at all) In this fic i think i've made myself very clear that i try to be nuanced, that all people do some wrong and do some right. I hope this flash back will make it clear that the situation is complicated.
Also this chapter is twice time longer than the usual ones, be warned ^^
Previous chapter summary --> Madam Lan died in the middle of the night. Cloud Recesses had to deal with the consequences of their Madam's death. Most of the elders showed absolutely no mercy at all, eager to put this whole decade-mess long behind. Lan Qiren would have joined their rank if he didn't have to bring the news to his nephews. He didn't know how to do it and for this reason tried, once again to pull his brother out of seclusion so he could finally take over the responsabilities he is avoiding for a decade. It didn't go that well and the brothers argued again : Qingheng-Ju said he couldn't physically leave the house anymore. Lan Qiren, at the end of his patience, decided he is done with his brother. But to respect his need to have answer, he ordered the elders to perform inquiry on Madam Lan's spirit, like they promised they would do. After facing a bit of opposition the elders finally agreed to do so, and Lan Qirne even brought Lan Huan and Lan Zhan so they could say goodbye to their mother's spirit. He thought it would help them understand she was gone. unfortunately he had been wrong. A few days later, Lan Zhan, confused by a letter they received from Lotus Pier (which carried a message from his late mother) thought she had came back and went to wait for her at the gentian house, despite the risk of the snowstorm. Fortunately his uncle and brother found him on time, and since the boy was too cold and the snowstorm too close, Lan Qiren decided to push the two boys inside Qingheng-Jun's house while he go look for help. Trapped inside the house, father and sons finally managed to bond a little, and Qingheng-Jun promised the boy they could come and see him once a month in his seclusion house, like they did for their mother.
As Always this chapter is edited by Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie ! A big thanks to them for their hard work <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
That night Cangse Sanren takes the token in her hands, it is a simple jade piece, like the one they give guests to allow them access to Cloud Recesses. The mineral is smooth, almost warm under her thumb. It might be an illusion, but it almost feels like something is pulsing inside the stone, thumping back like a tiny heartbeat. Scriptures slowly light up, illuminating the grain and revealing the spell that has been used on it.
Each person has three ethereal souls and seven corporeal spirits. All of which are very important to life and for reincarnation. Unfortunately Cangse Sanren doesn’t know much about the seven spirits: she knows that every living thing has them, even plants and animals, and that some of the spirits are linked to the lungs, and the last breath of life. But she is more familiar with the three ethereal souls; as it is said these are what makes a human's individuality. Those are the Earth Soul, Cognizance Soul, and the Human Soul.
When Wen Ning got hurt by the fairy statue, it was his Cognizance soul that got partially eaten.
After death, the three souls leave the body and go their own way. The Earth Soul and the Human Soul proceed to go to the Underworld. Only the Earth soul knows the way to go there, hence its name. It shows the way to the Human soul while the Cognizance soul remains within the body.
It is said the souls return on the seventh day after the death but in actuality, it is only the Human soul that returns, to get back the Cognizance soul, or if it is necessary to fulfill their last wishes. This is the one that Inquiry can speak to, or empathy-bond with. Sometimes it can linger far longer than seven days, if they have a task to accomplish in the world or any regrets, and thus, as long as it wanders, the three souls are separated, one in the underworld, one trapped inside the rotting flesh, and one in the human realm. When their last wish is twisted, or if the Human soul realizes they have been wronged in some way, the soul can be tainted by resentment and turn into a vengeful ghost, affecting the Cognizance soul that is still within the body, turning it into a fierce corpse. But if its wish is realized the Human soul merges with the Cognizance soul within the body and together, after the funeral rites and the cremation or burying process, they will go to the underworld and reunite with their Earth soul to await reincarnation.
Cangse Sanren feels like crying as she reads the spell carved into the jade token. It’s not exactly as Madam Lan once explained before; she probably over simplified. Cangse Sanren understands why the split wasn’t possible before death now; Madam Lan didn’t split her soul like she explained back then. She didn’t have to when death could do it for her naturally.
This isn’t the soul fracturing as she imagined. She expected the tragic break; what happens when a human is so heart-broken that they don't want to live, nor reincarnate, and so, their three souls tear themselves apart until only fragments remain.
This artifact doesn’t do that. It forces the Human soul to go inside the jade rather than in the underworld, mistaking its call for the Earth soul’s one. As long as one of the three souls is missing, one cannot go through the reincarnation process and it’s considered split. But the break here is cleaner; less damaging. Some people even thought that as long as the seven days weren’t over, you could bring someone back to life if you found a way to reunite the three souls inside a healed body. But no one ever managed it. Even her blob-son didn’t; she doesn't get exactly what he did to make Wen Ning raise as a conscious fierce corpse, but she guesses it might have everything to do by trapping the the remains of the half-eaten Cognizance soul inside the rotting body and luring the Human soul inside, to trap it too. Maybe it’s similar to this artefact, but instead of a token, it uses a real body as a seal. The fact that the Ghost general is still a corpse must be because he has only one and half souls left instead of the three one needed (Or maybe not and he made do with the seven spirits? Honestly Cangse Sanren doesn’t know, she’s never tried to bring anyone back to life and it seems overly complex! Her blob-son truly accomplished an awful miracle and it frustrates her to no end not being able to discuss how he did it with him!).
She gets why the Lan clan would think of such an artifact as demonic cultivation, as it goes against the natural order or more accurately takes advantage of the natural ways to change it. It definitely spits on Heaven’s laws; stopping the reincarnation process, but demonic cultivation, though? She isn’t so sure. She read some safeguards for preventing the ghost from developing a consciousness like it would normally do. Which is logical, ghosts are always made of human souls and always sentient; which puts them at risk to turn resentful toward the living and become a vengeful ghost. A protection is carved here to avoid this. Much like a seal. If she could remove that seal, maybe Madam Lan would be able to be conscious...Unlike what she said. But it would put her integrity at risk, is it worth it? Despite herself Cangse Sanren feels scared, the voice of her adoptive mother ringing to her ears the same way it did the day she came back from outside and found ten people dead, because of Cangse Sanren’s plan. Ten people, dead because of her attempt at demonic cultivation—even if she hadn’t been aware.
She hates it, but she can’t help but examine the jade token and wonder, if . Even if her legs are shaking at the very idea of trying. Now that she has her eyes on the spell itselfs it’s even easier. She pushes it away; demonic cultivation took ten of her friends back in the mountain, then it took her son and trapped it somewhere she can’t reach for all of time. If she tried and failed (again) she would lose the legacy of Madam Lan to her sons, her memories. Memories she has yet to see herself. She can’t afford to do that.
Before she thought about using the token with her half made incense burner—the one she is working on so she can see her blob-son—but it seems it will not be needed. The spell being visible allows her to understand how it works, sure, but also how to activate it so the Earth soul can share its past to the others. It is quite simple actually, all the people touching the jade and giving it a tiny bit of spiritual energy would be dragged into a similar state to the empathy spell. It doesn’t seem to need an anchor, but Cangse Sanren knows that the other three will ask for it, just to be safe.
Because Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan will want to come, right? After all, they didn’t get the opportunity to speak to Madam Lan and get the truth from her. Judging from how many porcelain pieces had been broken in a week, Yu Ziyuan is quite furious. Jiang Fengmian is...Well she wouldn’t say he is angry, but Wei Changze says he is definitely distressed, as he takes a walk every morning and every evening to calm his mind. Both of them aren’t giving Cangse Sanren the cold shoulder—which is something she is surprised of—they understand that she couldn’t speak to them about it, with the spell, and that Madam Lan not answering their call is not her fault either. Now they will also know it is not Liu Hua’s fault either. It hurts to think of them being furious with her; Cangse Sanren didn’t manage to befriend the woman completely, but they’ve talked and bonded for two years now. She is sad she is gone even if she won’t miss their talk.
Cangse Sanren hopes Lan Zhan and Lan Huan are okay, at Cloud Recesses. As okay as they can be, given the circumstances. She remembers the silent tears the feverish Lan Zhan shed when he hadn’t been allowed to see his mother, so long ago, she hopes receiving his mother’s letter will ease the boy’s pain a little bit. But somehow, she doubts it will.
***
Next morning as she wakes up the kids and does their morning routine, she pulls out a piece of paper and whispers to them:
“Hey, how do you feel about writing a letter to Lan Zhan and Lan Huan?”
A-Ying, who is always eager to do anything about, for, or with lan Zhan, immediately jumps on the idea. Wen Qing is calmer, but she still takes A-Ning on her lap and prepares his sleeves so they don't get in the way of the ink. The activity lasts until it’s time for breakfast, and as Wei Changze guide the little troup to the hall, Cangse Sanren sneaks into her A-Ying’s letters another envelope: Liu Hua’s message for her sons. She knows, thanks to Lan Juan and Lan Yuan that the elders stopped reading A-Ying and A-Zhan’s exchanges now (as there are too many letters and they have better things to do). Lan Zhan is also old enough to not ask for his uncle to read it for him. He asks Lan Huan instead, she knows because the older brother “bragged” about it a few months ago (as much as a Lan can brag). So it should be safe to deliver it that way. If it doesn’t she has safeguards and other ideas. But she hopes she will not have to come to that.
Once her job is done, she stares at the letters, and puts it in the pile that will be given to flying messengers later today. Her heart is still heavy in her chest, when she moves to the hall to join the others, as if the words on the paper aren’t only made of ink.
***
“Are you sure this is safe?” Yu Ziyuan asks, her eyes narrowing at the artefact.
Cangse Sanren nods, doubts and shakes her head then finally shrugs.
“I don’t see why she would wish me harm. Besides, this artifact is supposed to be given to Lan Zhan and Lan Huan when they are older and want answers about her past. I believe she would not hurt her sons.”
Yu Ziyuan doesn’t seem convinced still, muttering that they are talking about someone who might be a murderer. Jiang Fengmian, however, doesn’t share his wife’s worry and holds the jade token into his palm.
“And it will drag us three into her memory?”
“In theory. It is very much like empathy without the risk of being corrupted by a resentful ghost as she is not...A resentful ghost.” Cangse Sanren explains.
“But just in case, I will stay here and anchor you three,” says Wei Changze, he is after all, less concerned about this matter and can handle only hearing about the past, not witnessing it.
Besides, with his health problems, the untold consensus is that he should never do any spell that looks vaguely like empathy and could disturb his Qi’s balance. Without this ban, he would be trying to contact their other son via the incense burner every night.
Sisi, Meng Shi, Yinzhu and Jinzhu already agreed to supervise the training and the children today, to leave their leaders the time the spell might need. They told her they’re testing Cangse Sanren’s new cultivation tool for now, and haven’t decided if they would share the truth yet. It is a decision for later-them, now-them have their hands and heart full already.
Cangse Sanen doesn’t know what to expect when she activates the token; all her curiosity has ended the moment she realizes that learning the truth would solidify Madam Lan, or Qingheng-Jun’s death.
Yu Ziyuan however is boiling on the inside, her whole skin itching and her guts requiring somebody to blame and hit; but no one alive to fulfill that role. She doesn’t know what she will do if the truth pisses her off; as she cannot barge into the Lan clan and start wreaking havoc like her heart asks for. No matter what she learns, it won’t change the fact that her father is dead and that Madam Lan is dead too and it frustrates her to no end. Yet, despite the vainess of it all, she wants the truth, she wants answers. She wants to feel that anger because it’s all she knows and still better than sadness and grief all over again.
Jiang Fengmian is calmer on the outside, as he let the spell drag him, but no less hurt as his lady. He took many walks to run away from the despicable feeling of hate in his guts, and somehow the fire subsided when he heard the reason why Madam Lan couldn’t give him the answers he definitely needed. One cannot really blame another for dying on them, right? There are embers left still, but it has been calmed down by the guilt that he may have pushed the woman to an early grave and his compassion for her orphans. He really wishes he could not care about them and focus on his own tragedy, but he cannot. Everytime he closes his eyes he thinks of the two boys who visited Lotus Pier and wonders if their smile will survive the loss. He knows first hand how much losing a parent hurts and he was an adult when it happened to him. He also knows how awful it is to see someone you admire slowly decline and wither. He would never wish this on anyone, not even his worst enemy. Instead he hopes learning the reason why they all had to die, his lady’s father, his parents, all those innocents and the Lan boys’ mother, will help. That it will justify the compassion and sadness he is currently feeling, somehow. He really wishes the reason behind all this pain and death is worth it, because repeating that it is just “no one’s fault” or “the disease’s blindness” certainly never brought him any comfort.
***
When they open their eyes again, they are not standing at Lotus Pier’s main hall anymore, but in a wild and open clearing. Caravanes are spread evenly here, and people are busy making camp and preparing for the night. It is gigantic; there are at least one hundred people here.
“Welcome,” states a disincarnated voice in their back.
Yu Ziyuan immediately reacts by making a move that would have thrown Zidian in the enemy's face; but nothing happens. There’s no one there, only a voice.
“Liu Hua’s voice,” tells them Cangse Sanren, looking sad.
Jiang Fengmian’s heart beats faster, at the idea to get what her sudden death had robbed them of, and he inquires:
“Can we discuss with her here?”
But Cangse Sanren shakes her head negatively.
“No? The human soul is trapped within the jade—”
“Then she should be a ghost—” Says Yu Ziyuan.
“Yes, she would be able to interact but the spell carved on the token prevents her from developing a consciousness to avoid her to turn into a resentful ghost.”
And maybe, she doesn’t say, the Human soul is currently being interrogated by Lan elders as they speak, and if so she is not sure how it works in that regard. (Maybe they have to make do with only the Cognizance soul that is left in the body. Maybe the Human soul can go out of the jade, to be interrogated, it's just that it always comes back to the jade token prison instead of going to the underworld…) It is also possible that for now, only her last will is here, not the human soul yet, it depends if the seven days after her death are over. It’s so complicated. She wants to study this spell longer!
Jiang Fengmian tries to talk to Madam Lan anyway, introducing himself politely and wondering. Madam Lan, as Cangse Sanren predicted, ignores him:
“A-Huan, A-Zhan, I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry I left you all alone. I wish I could have stayed with you and watched you both grow out to be the wonderful men I know you could be...but, alas, things are what they are.”
She pauses.
Cangse Sanren can’t help it because her brain is focused on the spell. If that’s what Madam Lan wanted, maybe Cangse Sanren could improve the jade token, get rid of the safeguard—no, she can’t do that, it’s too dangerous—but maybe put a seal so she can have moments of clarity, allied with a purification spell, maybe she could make sure the ghost could interact with the people holding the jade token, and everytime her level of resentment is too high, her consciousness gets sealed and purified... But wouldn’t that be the same as trapping her, in a jade token instead of a house? No, I don’t think so, thinks Cangse Sanren. If the object is destroyed, the soul would be able to go free and if she is sentient Madam Lan could ask for them to do it whenever. Would that be demonic cultivation? Probably not since she is purifying the spirit from time to time...She would like to talk with her blob-son about the theory though, he knows more than her about reviving people. Just as Cangse Sanren is fighting an headache, Madam Lan continues, unaware:
“If you are watching this, it means you got your hands on my jade token. It is the one your father gave me so long ago, so take care of it. It also means that you want to know the truth about me and what happened. When you were born, your father asked for a new rule to be added to the wall, the rule forbidding gossip. It was to prevent you from being dragged through the mud because of me and end up having to live in our shadow...But since I was under the Lan silencing spell and your father couldn’t know the full truth, we couldn’t tell you the truth about what happened either...I always feared that...not knowing might be worse for you. Silence can do more harm. Imagination can make things worse than what they are. And I wanted to at least give you the chance to learn the truth, if you ever wished for it. It is not a pretty story, I am sorry to tell you that. I wish I could tell you that I’m innocent of what they accused me of, but I’m not. I wish I could tell you that your father and I, we loved each other. But we did not. I will give you the opportunity to see the truth as I witnessed it, bare and raw, back then. But if it ever makes you uncomfortable, if you do not want to see, just close your eyes and think about leaving, it should break the spell. I love you, and I don’t want you to suffer from my mistakes, but I don’t want to lie to you either.”
Well, it is comforting to know that it is as easy to leave. As the voice finally starts her story, the landscape around them becomes colorful.
“We were merchants. Long ago, the Xue Clan had been chased down, almost slaughtered. To avoid this from happening and continue their duty to keep an eye on the Iron Yin, they went into hiding. They hid among our caravans for the last hundred years.”
Jiang Fengmian is surprised to recognize Xue Ann and her spiritual beast, playing with a bunch of kids while their parents are otherwise occupied. She looks younger here, softer and happier, too. The wolf that turned into a demon in their time licks a boy’s cheek and lets out an amused bark when he pulls a face.
“We came from the north, from nomadic tribes. We agreed to part from our roots so they could blend in. From what I know, the deal was this: we provided the Xue clan a place to hide, a name and an excuse to travel from one place to another every year...While they protected our caravans from brigands and supernatural beings.”
it’s smart; no one would believe the Xue are hiding among people from the north, outsiders. And the caravan is too huge, too sophisticated and foreign to appear like the usual merchants too. As Jiang Fengmian thinks about the implications of such behavior, a little girl passes in front of them, running to one of the working adults with a determined gaze. She grabs the one wearing the nicest robe.
“Let me join the Xue Yang’s clan!” She states loudly.
The man laughs and sends her a sympathetic compatissant look, then a pat on her head:
“Did you fight with your father again Liu Hua?”
So this is Liu Hua, thinks Jiang Fengmian, staring at a kid younger than his son. She must be as old as Wei Wuxian now, seven or less. But she is surely not smiling like the boy, instead she pouts:
“No...” She whispers in a tone that definitely means yes. Cangse Sanren is struck by the strange mix of her features. She is a strange mix of Lan Huan’s expressive face and Lan Zhan’s stubborn frown. The little girl continues louds and kicking:
“I just want to be a cultivator, not a merchant, let me!”
“We’re no Sect, the only way for you to join the Xue Clan is for you to marry into it.” One of the women says behind the obvious leader of the group.
“That won’t make me a cultivator!” Complains the girl.
“No, but your children would be.” Points out the Xue Leader. “What about our son? He is a little bit older than you but he would make a lovely husband for you.”
Liu Hua takes one look in another direction, where a bunch of pre-teens are playing while doing chores, kicking each other and laughing loudly doing so. Jiang Fengmian supposes that one of them is a Xue, maybe even the heir of the clan. But Liu Huan doesn’t seem to deem any of them worthy to be her husband because her scowl grows further and she insists:
“I don’t want to be a bride! Just teach me how to be a Xue!”
“One cannot learn to be a Xue, it is in our blood, you have to be born in it or—”
The man doesn’t have the time to finish, as an older man rushes to Liu Hua and gets her by the collar of her robe. The little girl frowns as her feet leave the ground.
“Leader, I apologize for my daughter’s behavior, I hope she didn’t cause any trouble to you-”
“We don’t mind, your daughter is lovely,” assures the Leader. “She wants to join our Clan, she said, and it’s not often we hear this.”
“She has been very amazed by how you handled this bad buyer at our last stop,” Liu Hua’s father sighs.
“Bad buyers are the worst,” the little girl affirms, like the good merchant daughter she is.
Her father nods, agreeing wholeheartedly, and inquires too, curious:
“How did you do it? I’ve known this man for years, every time it takes forever to have him pay us—”
“Let’s say that he has been struck by very bad luck lately, and when he sought advice from rogue cultivators like us, we told him that maybe it could be karma, and if he started to pay his debts his luck might return.” Says the man with a smile.
“FengXi, did you curse someone?”
A tall woman appears in their back, her serious expression hardening her already angular face. The leader startles at the sound but when he sees the woman’s face he relaxes immediately.
“Teacher, don’t make such a face, curses aren’t all bad.”
Teacher raises an eyebrow at that statement and so do Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren.
“Give me one that is good then,” Teacher orders.
“Well...er—”
“I’m waiting, FengXi.”
Leader Xue FengXi looks around, trying to find allies in his plight, most of the Xue around him lower their gazes as an answer. But he doesn’t give up.
“Okay, fine: the soulmate’s curse, doesn’t it help people to find their soulmates?”
“Yes, but it alters their body without their consent, can distort their senses, and if they do not find their soulmate in time they die. ”
FengXi coughs, embarrassed and tries to cover up this failure with:
“Well the curse we used was harmless, simply giving someone a little bit of bad luck, and even then, really nothing alarming, a broken cup here, a stain on their robe there, just tiny events like these one. See? No dying!”
“Cool,” whispers Liu Hua.
But Teacher doesn’t seem to agree at all, she shakes her head, her white ribbon swinging in the air after her movement. Cansge Sanren frowns at the pattern, it looks like a sacred Lan headband, but she cannot be sure, as it is not tied the usual way; it is used to tie her hair and does not rest on her forehead at all.
“You shouldn’t do that, harming weaker people than you—”
“Oh come on Teacher, the worst that could have happened to him is maybe a broken toe because he hit his foot on the table!”
“The first step is he most slippery one, once you take it, every other step down the slope is easier to take and before you know it you find yourself at the bottom with nothing but a lot of excuses and regrets—”
Jiang Fengmian frowns at the mention of harming commoners with cultivation skills and he is not the only one. While it is not this rare that people with power abuse it, it is certainly questionable still. It is not demonic cultivation, cultivators from all ages and times sent their rivals curses to get rid of them, but it is definitely not a moral choice either. Yu Ziyuan grumbles, stating that you should simply hit the bad buyer if they refuse to pay up on time, there is no need to use such sneaky tricks. Cangse Sanren however disagrees with them both; she has been a rogue. She had to deal with such people quite a few times the first few years of wandering. Using curses is a popular way to make sure you’re getting paid for your work, no matter what. Unlike what Yu Ziyuan thinks, you cannot simply hit the culprit until he decides to pay; there are laws, it would send the rogue to a trial that he would lose. Only those who are protected by influence and wealth can afford to act as such.
The teacher discourse seems to be as effective on the Xue and merchants as on its secret audience; she convinces no one, and finally sighs, resigned.
“Just don’t hurt innocent people. And try to be more discreet, you don’t want to bring attention to yourself.”
“Of course,” promises the leader FengXi with a shrug and a smile.
“As for the little one here,” Teacher says to Liu Hua, her expression softening completely, making her almost pretty. “We heard you’re curious about cultivation?”
“Yeah!” Chirps Liu Hua, and her father sighs “I’ve tried to tell her she cannot become a cultivator but—”
“Well, why not let her try?”
“Teacher, surely you are not serious!” Remarks the leader, raising an eyebrow.
“We do not say she should become a Xue, but we are cultivators and not a Xue, still.”
“You’re part of the family, Xue or not,” assures the same woman who talked about marriage earlier.
Teacher thanks her with a beaming smile, but turns again to Liu Hua’s father, sharing her wisdom:
“Becoming a cultivator is not an easy task, but your daughter is stubborn. We know first hand, after all, who gives every kid here lessons for generations? She is just like you were at that age too. The only way to convince her to drop the subject is—”
“To let her do it and fail,” concludes Liu Hua’s father with a sigh. “I hated when you used this strategy against me…”
“I won’t fail!” Declares Liu Hua, determined and her father seems to be experiencing some flash-backs at the declaration, he sighs again and shakes his head in resignation.
Teacher laughs and it sounds a bit like a pig’s snort.
“Training as a cultivator is very hard, it’s okay if you fail”
“I won’t fail!” Repeats Liu Hua. “And I will become a Xue, not a bride, or a merchant!”
“You cannot become a Xue,” repeats the Xue Sect Leader with a laugh.
Liu Hua sticks her tongue at him and the landscape suddenly shifts, lines blurry and colors merge until they find themselves in a completely different place and time. Liu Hua has a large family, they realize, two brothers and one sister, who she constantly trades off chores with:
“I will do the wood chores, like carrying it and chopping it” she tells her younger brother. “If you do the dishes”
“I will go pick up the herbs,” she tells her older sister, “if you watch over baby brother in my stead!”
“If you don’t tell mom, I will read you a story tonight!”
“If you do my part of accounting, I’m helping you with your hairstyle tomorrow!”
She takes every little bit of activity that is physical, and train, train and train no matter what. She pleads with her siblings to cover up as she goes spying on the cultivation lessons the Xue give to their own, in secret. No matter the task, when a Xue calls for help, she is there, first to give a hand. Even if it’s just helping the old lady that visits every now and then to pick flowers and memorize her rambling about the herbs’ property or do her poems.
“Red Chrysanthemum, poppies and lilies,
Let the Qi spread and life carry,
no monster no man can feel the energy—”
She sings songs with the florist, as they plant. The Sect leader’s heir hears them one day and snorts:
“Well if you don’t become a cultivator or a Xue, you can be our herbalist!”
“Shut up Xue Hei!”
She chases him with her tiny shovel and he avoids her hits with a smirk, pointing out flaws in her movements until she all but falls down on the ground, exhausted and defeated.
“Still got some way to go!” He grins at her and runs away.
She lays on the ground and screams loudly, the sound muffled by the dirt. She will prove them wrong, prove them wrong, wrong ! She will be a great cultivator someday!
At first the adults around her either laugh at her determination or roll their eyes, her father sighs, her mother giggles...Xue FengXi shrugs. They say it’s a phase and that she is going to get bored at one point, or discouraged. But then, Teacher looks at her fondly, and after class she summons her:
“If you want to be a cultivator, you need good foundation, otherwise it might be dangerous; so listen well,”
And she does, she listens. She teaches her how to meditate with music, how to sense the spiritual power within her veins...Until one day, Teacher suddenly announces she will be departing.
“Where are you going? People say you’re leaving for good. You can’t leave!”
Liu Hua looks at the woman, who is already packing her stuff, without looking back.
“My family is calling me back, we—hu—I have to return.”
“Your family is here!” Liu Hua says. “You’ve always been here!”
And the disincarnated voice recites for Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren.
“ Teacher; she has always been called like this here, no name or family. She was the auntie of every child as she taught them how to write and count, as far as my memory went she has always been there, looking the same, since my father’s time, and my grandfather's time before him. Back then I didn’t know what it meant, because the Florist was much the same, except that the Florist simply decided to look old rather, and I was used to cultivators looking young for far longer than everyone else in the caravan.”
Teacher offers Liu Hua a sad smile, as she kneels near her and pats her head.
“I’m sorry, but there are children who need me at my home. W—I have to go. My duty here is over.”
“But they don’t like you in your family! They force you to talk differently! You’re part of the Xue family, you should say we. ”
“How is that any different from what you’re doing right now?”
She doesn’t let this deter her:
“It’s different, daddy and mommy told me they make you talk like you’re a man!”
Teacher stumbles at the words, visibly shaken.
Jiang Fengmian’s eyebrows touch his hairline as he looks at her angular jaw, her thick eyebrows, tall stature and large shoulders and thinks again. Oh. He gets why she is pretty, yet strange, she is a he. Or maybe he is a she. Jiang Fengmian isn’t sure, he had heard of such people but never met one before. He doesn’t know what to think about it. He had heard that it happens to people who were previously another gender in their past lives, but he isn’t sure how much ground this theory has. All he knows is that he hadn’t realized it at first glance and he is a little bit embarrassed by that fact.
Yu Ziyuan however, doesn’t look surprised at all, contrary to her husband, she had met someone like this teacher before, at the Meishan sect. Grew up alongside him. She had thought at first that it was just a girl who wanted to get boy’s privileges, and how could she blame her for that? Yu Ziyuan and Madam Jin, back then, very much felt that way. It wasn’t until teenagers years that she realized that no, they didn’t feel the same at all. That their envy was nothing compared to what their friend was experiencing; by their side, Cangse Sanren hums the old ballad of Mulan and the words rings to their ears:
“But when the two rabbits run side by side, can you really discern whether it’s a he or a she ?”
The song leaves a strange taste to their tongue, as they see Teacher’s resumes her packing, denying the little girl’s words:
“They don’t mean to hurt me, their mistake comes from ignorance, not any bad intent, and how can I expect them to learn and understand, if I remain hidden here? ”
“Why should it be you? Can’t someone else teach them? I don’t want you to go.”
“Why shouldn’t it be me? W—I mean—I have experience backing me up, I am a teacher. Surely they will listen more to my opinion than others.”
She pauses, and adds with the tone of wisdom:
“When I arrived here, among the Xue, they didn’t mind me being...Whatever I am. But they were against people of the same gender loving each other.”
Liu Hua frowns at that and can’t help but recite, overly confident:
“That’s stupid, love is love, denying it doesn’t make it disappear, it just makes people miserable!”
“Yes, but they didn’t understand that, they thought about legacies and children, and if love is love, not all love can produce an heir. Their worries were legitimate back then . But as time passed, without even imposing this on them, I managed to make them listen and see. Just like one child can be great at math but meet trouble with reading, while another is the opposite. Every clan, every family, every culture has its qualities and flaws, their differences. The only thing you can do is be there for them, respect them and show them it is possible, with patience, so if they want to change, you can help them and guide them through it. People change, they always do, you just have to wait long enough to see it. And there’s no better feeling that witnessing them change for the better.”
Liu Hua doesn’t like this explanation; it doesn’t go the way she wants this conversation to go. And Teacher sees that, she smiles:
“Besides, my friend asked me to come back to help and he values my opinion. I will begin with a head start, and a good position to make them see things faster. I won’t be absent for a long time.”
“How long?”
“Well, until my friend’s children are all grown up, so maybe 20 years?”
“It’s super long!”
“Really?” She snorts, making the pig sound again. “It doesn’t seem much for me, if you become a good cultivator you’ll see this is nothing. Don’t worry, I’m sure they will send someone nice to replace me.”
“No one will replace you, no one lets me study cultivation but you, don’t go, I need you here…”
Liu Hua’s throat is tight, her voice carries unshed sobs with her every word, but she doesn’t allow tears to fall down. It is hard, as a parent, for Cangse Sanren to not hug the little girl and comfort her. But Teacher does resist.
“I will send you letters, to you, and your family, and the Xue Leader” she promises. “The Florist will give it to you each time she returns. Don’t worry, my successor will teach you too.”
“Promise?”
Teacher snorts.
“I promise.”
“It’s not a promise if it’s you only, that’s what the Leader says, you have to swear on your family.”
Teacher smiles sadly, and repeats, showing three fingers:
“We promise.”
Only then Liu Hua gives her a satisfied nod, her eyes still rimmed with red but her heart at peace.
They see her leave the clan, she gives one last hug to everyone, along with advice or a small anecdote. She shakes the Xue Clan Leader’s hand and pleads:
“FengXi, be careful.”
And the Xue Leader smirks back; “When haven’t we? Go, don’t worry, we can manage without you supervising us for a couple of years. But don’t complain if, when you come back, our kids aren’t good at math anymore!”
She rolls her eyes at him, gives him one last gentle punch in the arm. Before she leaves though, she kneels down and opens her arms; allowed to do so, most of the children in the caravan run to her for one last hug, forming a big child-pile...That soon turns into something more when one adult decides he wants one last hug too.
Liu Hua sees her father and mother cry for the first time that day, when they hug Teacher goodbye and tell her to be careful on the road. Then she finally leaves. When her silhouette meets the horizon it melts and disappear along with the landscape, a voice states:
“I never met her successor. She was never replaced, nor did I receive any letters from her. I assumed she had died on the road…As it happens sometimes, no matter how strong you are. So I continued my training alone. Again, and again, repeating the little bit she taught me before disappearing. Thanks to that, I managed to have a good enough foundation, even if I wasn’t aware of it…”
Once again, the scenery shifts to the next scene where they are surrounded by people, as the caravan moves on the road. Liu Hua seems older, but she still carries out heavy bags and runs at a steady pace when her brothers and sisters sit on the donkeys and carriages along with the goods. They tease her, give her water or sometimes, try to mimic her like children do…
“One day sister is going to be a cultivator!” One roars, confident.
“One day, she is going to protect the caravan with me!” The other adds.
“While I will be selling everything, you’ll punish the bad buyers!” The last plans.
The scene is oddly familiar and the voice in the air gets warmer, like the first summer breeze:
“A-Zhan...A-Huan...These are your uncles and aunties. Liu Huo, Liu Mei and Liu Fan.”
And she recites about what they like, how Liu Huo secretly sewed his sibling’s clothes and mends them too, how Liu Mei is so good at math that she can already do calculations that adults cannot, and how Liu Fan is worried because he still sucks his thumb at night. The voice also presents her parents and shares how her father is always complaining about everything but still does whatever he can to make them happy, how Mother simply shakes her head at her kids' antics and smiles, like she is amused rather than annoyed.
“Don’t you think you have their voice A-Huan?” The voice says, eager, mistaking them for her sons. “And you A-Zhan, each time you pout you’re just like Liu Mei when she is in front of a hard math problem, you both remind me so much of them — ”
And Cangse Sanren can’t help but feels helpless as the dread feeling raises in her chest. She doesn’t know them at all, this memory is barely enough for her to care about them, yet she cannot help but hope as she sees them play tag and run away from Xue Ann’s dog with a joyful scream. Please, be okay.
Alas, they are not. And the voice tells them so: “The day they died, a part of me died with them.”
***
It happens suddenly, one moment they stare at a young Liu Hua, that is still struggling with the physical exercises and missing front teeth, and the next, in a blink of an eye, they see a young pre-teen, maybe the same age as Yanli is now. She is all limbs and awkwardness, her arms too long and muscular for the new roundness of her body and grumbles after it all the time.
“I hate boobs!” She states, as she tries to crawl under the caravan to get a glimpse of the Xue training and gets stuck in all the old passageways she used to fit in so easily.
“I hate long hair!” She complains again, when her buns are stuck in a branch as she jogs in the morning.
“I hate growing pains,” She laments, on the ground in her home.
“But I love you,” she tells them as her mother pats her head, humming a song and her older brother gives her a cloth full of warmed rocks.
For a moment, Cangse Sanren looks back, as if she could catch the little girl that disappeared so fast, and she witnesses a blurry mess of countless scenes in the horizon. She gets a peek of the first time Liu Hua manages to make a working talisman and how her siblings and her invent a game with it, or how they use it against a particularly annoying customer during a flea market. There’s bubbles of family diners, or play games and deal with her sibling, of stories they share in the middle of the night and stargazing they organized in summer. It feels like she could reach it and loose herself in the past if her finger just brushed it. But Yu Ziyuan stops her movement mid-air and shakes her head:
“Focus on the present,” she orders her. “Do not waste time on—”
She doesn’t finish her sentence, but Cangse Sanren is pretty sure what she means is compassion. Compassion for the potential murderer of Yu Ziyuan’s father and Jiang Fengmian's parents. Yet the troublemaker doesn’t know how her sworn sister and husband manage to seal their hearts like that. Maybe they don't succeed: Yu Ziyuan’s grasp is shakingly strong, and Fengmian’s expression is somber.
Cangse Sanren sure cannot not feel anything for Madam Lan, after all, even if they weren’t best friends, she talked with the woman every two days for two years. It’s already too late, she cares and so she bleeds.
Liu Hua is very late in her cultivation training, they can tell already; she has enough muscle and a good foundation thanks to the Teacher, and she is so close to forming a core, but she lacks the way to do it; the last stage. From her spying sessions she can tell that inedia is required; so she tries it, but…
“Why don’t you eat? Is it no good?” Worries her mother during dinner.
“Are you sick?” Inquires her father, checking her temperature.
So she tries to be more subtle about it, she finds a way to be late for dinner enough, so she only has a bowl waiting for her, that she lets her sibling eat in secrecy. Her sister is growing, and so is always hungry.
“This is not the right way to do inedia,” comments Jiang Fengmian, worried despite himself, as she sees the girl starve herself and fight cramps.
Liu Hua is smart though, she understands quickly that she cannot not eat and do the same amount of exercises and chores as she is used to. So she reduces her activities (and people from the caravan laugh, saying she is finally reaching her teenage years and being rebellious when she had only been helpful until now, like they know better). She drinks more too.
Xue Hei, the Xue Clan heir, almost an adult now, catches it when no one else does. So he throws her a candy.
“Here, keep it inside your mouth and suck it. Drink more water with it on your tongue when it gets tasteless, it will spread the sugar and do the trick. You’ll feel less hungry. In a week or so, you will have less cramps, you will feel better, if a little bit light headed. Don’t let it fool you and don’t do more exercises because of it. Also the idea of eating food might get you nauseous but you’ll have to at some point, so be prepared to force yourself when you get back to a normal regimen. And re-start with small portions too or you’ll throw up.”
Liu Hua stares back at him, suspicious, but nods in the end.
“Thanks.”
“Anything for our little herbalis!” He teases. “Inedia is only one step to form a core though, you should ask the florist, next time she visits. She will teach you the next step we can’t give you.”
“Can’t you teach me?”
“Nah, someone told me I’m an awful teacher!”
And he looks at her with so much amusement that despite not having witnessed the memory, Cangse Sanren is sure this “someone” is Liu Hua.
Next time they see the young man, he is standing alongside Xue Ann and her spiritual beast, bowing in front of the large crowd, his clan, the merchants, their family.
“We thank you for your protection and your kindness,” he recites. “You raised us and protected us, and so it is only normal we shall protect you in return.”
It looks like some kind of ceremony. The Xue leader walks to them and paths both of their shoulders, telling them to raise their heads.
“And we shall keep you in our hearts and minds everyday until you return, worthy of taking your position among us, ready to receive your courtesy name and be crowned as an adult.” He says to his son, before he turns to Xue Ann and adds: “We are sad to see you leaving again, but we know that it is our blood and duty calling you, and we are proud that you follow it. Please, continue to be our eyes and ears in the world, and protect the Iron Yin so it never causes ruckus again.”
They swear, and leave, both taking opposite directions. Liu Hua watches them until they disappear behind the horizon line. Some merchants' kids run after Xue Ann’s spiritual beast, waving their arms exaggeratedly. She allows herself to glance at Xue Hei’s back too, before he is gone.
“Sure you don’t want to be a bride?” Mother grins at her.
She blushes “Of course I’m sure!”
And mother hums, not convinced, which enrages Liu Hua even more.
“I don’t like him!” She repeats. “I really don’t!”
But other girls in the caravans do, and they sob and lament over his departure in the next few days. To her astonishment, Liu Hua sees her sister and her brother among them, sighing dreamily together.
“I don’t get why you would want to be his bride, he is an idiot and an awful teacher.”
“He is also beautiful and kind and honorable—!” Her sister sighs.
“And if you marry him you’ll just end up being his bride you’ll never be anything else but that, it’s your children who will be cultivators and not you, and who says he is going to let you be a merchant? You’ll be kissing goodbye what you are!”
“He is worth it,” Says her brother without any hesitation.
And the resolve in his eyes disappoints Liu Hua. This is stupid, who would want to say goodbye to their individuality for someone's else? No one is worth it.
“Why don’t you tell him then?” She tells them, angrily. “You should have said it before he went away for his whatever prove-your-worth-quest.”
“We might be travelling together,” answers his brother. “But we are millions worlds apart. You know it better than anyone else, how far the gap is between common people and cultivators. After all, you’re trying to make the jump, right?”
“Yeah, and it’s not this hard,” she tells them.
“You’re just scared. Maybe you just don’t love him enough to make the jump.”
Her brother shakes his head, and ignores her comment to return to his chores. But later that evening, as she oils and comb her sister’s hair, she tells her:
“It’s not because you don’t want to be a bride that it’s a bad thing, and it’s not because you can ignore the gap between cultivator and normies that everyone can.”
Liu Hua pouts at the comment; and the voice around them resounds, once again:
“I was too young, I didn’t get that happiness could take as many forms and shapes as humans. I couldn’t get that my sister’s future could be different from what I pictured for her. Or that my brother could renounce the privileges he had over us for something as stupid as love. A-Zhan, A-Huan, I hope that you’ll be smarter than your mother one day. Please be open to the other’s heart desires, and understand that it might differ from yours.”
The scenery changes again, briefly, and they see Liu Hua working on a talisman while her father sighs and grumbles on how she should check account instead:
“Why are you so against me being a cultivator?” Liu Hua frowns, furious.
“Because it’s dangerous. How can I be happy with you risking your life every day when you could simply be at home and safe? Isn’t it my duty as you parent to make sure of that? Is it so hard to understand that your well being means everything to me?”
“Well, being a cultivator means everything to me and you don’t get it either.”
Liu Hua says back, she gets her stuff in a bag and gets out instead.
They follow her to a far away tent that had just been added, if the fresh herbs around it is any indication. They see Liu Hua sneaking into the Florist's with a red lily and a poem as a gift. The old lady smirks at the gift;
“You know, if you continue to do that, we will get used to such treatment and ask everyone to do it too.”
“But then I wouldn’t be special anymore, and you’ll forget me,” Liu Hua says, fakely pouting and the old woman shakes her head with a smile.
“Silly you, how could I ever forget you? We’re not that old yet. Now come here, let us find a vase for this flower and make one for all that energy you keep hidden inside.”
In secrecy, she finally teaches the girl the next step to form a core, after inedia, in between more stuff about plants and gardening.
“I know you like gardening,” the old woman says with a knowing smile. “I saw your secret garden. It’s smart to suspend pots.”
And Liu Hua blushes furiously and runs away to avoid further embarrassment. A strategy that Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian are very familiar with. They are not the only one who notices.
“I should have introduced you to her sooner, maybe you’d have been friends,” murmurs Cangse Sanren.
“I would rather not be friends with my father’s murderer.” Yu Ziyuan protests, but the more time she spends here, the harder it is to stick to this idea.
Liu Hua continues to be sneaky, spying on Xue's activities here and there while feigning to do her chores or helping out. That’s how Jiang Fengmian recognizes the Dafan mountain, and the temple where the statue and the Iron Yin had been held; she is about to enter the passage she saw the leader take, when her brother calls her back; apparently their dad needs help in town for a delivery.
Xue Ann and the Florist visits again in the memory, twice, and the caravan goes to the Nie territory, to the Jin, then when they reach the Wen territory, Cangse Sanren suddenly starts fidgeting. She looks around the town where the merchants are trading with her eyes round and big.
“What’s wrong?” asks her Jiang Fengmian.
“I...I think I know this place,” she admits.
“From your rogue’s wandering days?” Guesses Yu Ziyuan.
But Cangse Sarne shakes her head, she has a bad memory but her first years of wandering alone are carved inside her mind, and not in a very good way. She would remember if it was from back then.
It doesn’t take long to figure out why it’s so familiar. The moment Liu Hua has finished bringing the merchandise to her father’s stalls, she does nothing but runs away, trying to catch up with the Xue clan. She saw them getting out of town earlier this morning and managed to track them down to a beautiful flowery field of red poppies and chrysanthemums.
“Oh.” Cangse Sanren lets out. This is where she met Baoshan Sanren, so many years ago. She hadn’t realized she had wandered off as far as the Wen Territory, as a kid.
The Xue leader is making quite a face, arguing with some other Xue. They are checking the flowers and don’t look very satisfied with the results. She can’t hear them quite well, from her hiding spot, but she does see a stranger in a red and white robe enter the place. Immediately the Xue group draws their blades, on guard, and Liu Hua’s blood boils in her vein as she expects a battle to start. She never witnessed a real cultivator fight until now, only training! She can’t help but grin and wait, impatient.
Unfortunately nothing happens, the group and the stranger discuss, then argue and finally part in a hurry. She has to jump on her feet and runs faster than ever to be back to the camp before them. Then she manages to get inside the chief’s tent and finds another hiding spot.
She does well, because the moment she settles in the shadow, Xue FengXi rushes in, followed by some Xue elders.
“We are compromised.” Says one of the elders. “We cannot move the Iron Yin piece if someone from the Wen knows we’re here and who we are. They are probably watching us as we speak and they will be able to localize the Iron Piece.”
“We know, but this cannot wait any further, the Wen territory is already suffering backslash from the Iron Yin presence, the flower fields cannot absorb much more resentful energy, if we wait any longer we are heading to a disaster—” Says another.
The Xue leader pinches his nose, clearly in pain, while other panics.
“How do they even know who we are? Does this mean we have a mole among us? Someone selling information to the Wen clan?”
“Out of all the people, it has to be the Wen Clan! We cannot afford them to even touch the Iron Piece, or Xue Chonghai’s curse—”
“What if we part ways here? We ask another caravan to take us, that way our merchants will be safe from suspicion, and then we rejoin them in another territory and return for the piece in a few months—”
“We cannot afford to wait, Xue Ann told us the piece was unstable, in the past few years the place has known more earthquakes than anywhere before! A few years ago, when the Florist went there she told us that a mudslide swallowed a whole village! How long will it take for an earthquake to awaken one of the volcanoes around? And there’s a starving starting already—”
“Enough!” The Xue leader orders, his voice loud and clear.
There’s a long silence after his show of strength, where all Liu Hua hears is her heart beating in her chest. It takes ten pulsations before Xue FengXi comes up with a decision:
“They said they just want to talk. Let’s invite them over to discuss then.”
The elders roar back, in a frantic panic.
“You cannot do that! It is too dangerous!”
“The Wen cannot touch the Iron Piece, no matter what!”
“FengXi, you cannot allow that to happen!”
But Leader ignores them all and insists:
“Elders, we have been hiding for 100 hundred years now. The world has changed, surely, the one who warned us to hide and saved us is gone. The four pieces must always be scattered to the four winds, but they're just so many spiritual places accessible there, sects were built and claimed those points, and so many of them aren’t accessible to us now. They get more powerful while each year we grow weaker and weaker. We birth fewer babies, and so many of them die young either because of our cursed blood or because of our constant moving. Even if we marry our merchants allies, so many of our family are already entertwined, if we continue we will be forced to accept incest in only a couple of years. We survived until now, but for how long still? We need to stop wandering and bring new blood to our clan, we need to make powerful allies if we want to continue our duty without drying the same lands every fifty years until we realize there’s just no more available points to hide the pieces!”
One elder gasps in outrage:
“You’re the one who contacted them! You’re the mole!”
And immediately a few of them follow:
“Are you out of your mind?!”
Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren however, as outsiders, can see it clearly, the ones being offended are inferior in numbers. They are louder and more vocal about it, as the others simply stare back, their expression torned. Until one of them states:
“Teacher would have never allowed that to happen—”
“Well luckily, Teacher is gone and returned to her clan. We no longer have to follow her instructions.” Replies Xue FengXi. “Or the orders of one immortal who gave up on us and the world.”
Cangse Sanren takes a deep breath, as it is obvious who they are talking about.
Once again, there’s a tensed silence after his declaration.
“This is a mistake,” claims the eldest among them, but his fire subsided.
“If it is, then I will take responsibility for it, and step out of my function as leader. But we do not act as foolishly as you believe, we have a plan. Each great sect will hold a fragment of the Iron Yin within their frontier, the idea is to make one Xue clan household among each of them. They will be in charge of their Iron piece management and will work with their superior sect to decide where it will be hidden next when the previous hiding spot has been worned out. They will also mix with other clans to bring new blood and teach our ways. If we are spread evenly everywhere, then there’s less chance for us to be slaughtered in one go too. And most important of all with this method, there will be no power imbalance between the great sects and a record of our hiding spots, if worse came to be, the Iron Yin will not be lost and left unsupervised. We already came to an agreement with the Wen Sect leader via letters.”
The plan does sound safer, even Jiang Fengmian can agree with it, there’s a certain naivety to think that one sect would never try to control their Xue family branch, acquire the Iron yin and use it for war and conquer the other, but it’s something that can be developed later on by putting safe guards.
Unfortunately, they all know how the Xue clan ended.
“So you already planned everything, and the meeting this morning was staged?” One elder says, suspicious.
“ I am sorry we had to resort to such methods, we wanted to test the water and your reactions to their presence first.”
After that, the whole conversation gets more technical, a familiar game of tag between elders and leader, decisions makings and compromises. That lasts for what feels like hours, until they finally reach an agreement. They agree to get the Iron Yin part on their own tomorrow, hiding it elsewhere where Xue FengXi would not know, and meet the Wen Leader after it to discuss an eventual deal. All that Liu Hua gets is the date where the mission is decided on, and that somehow, the Xue will stop travelling with the merchant's caravans.
She drags herself out of the tent, her heart heavy, in the middle of the night when it finally empties itself...And returns to her parent’s tent way after dinner. Everybody is already sleeping when she sneaks under the cover and stares at the void.
In the silent night, the voice of her Earth soul whispers:
“This night I made a decision I regretted all my life. As much as I do not like the Lan clan’s behavior regarding decisions, please, A-Huan, A-Zhan, never do the same as me. Never make a choice under distress. Insomnia is always a bad adviser.”
The next day, Liu Hua avoids her parents' questions during breakfast and does her chores as fast as she can, murmuring how it is such a hassle. Then she spots the Xue group leaving their camp, promptly she runs away without even a glance back to her family.
“Liu Hua! Come back here, we need you to pack—” Protests her father, and she doesn’t bother answering him, faking not hearing his words.
“It’s the last time I saw them alive. I wish I could have said goodbye…”
Notes:
The concept of three souls is 90% taken off 2Hua (The dumb husky and his white cat shizun) novel, as i’m not chinese and my researches about it confused me more than it helped. I tried my best but then decided to trust that a chinese author would have a better grasp / comprehension about this and be more legitimized to alter their own mythology. Plus the novel explanation was especially clear so it really helped me xo I hope it’s okay and that i didn’t butcher something important as i rewrote their explanation and prinkled new things on top of it to fit the story / this fic.
Complete trigger warning for this flash-back arc :
-Death (obviously)
-Murder (obviously too) / slaughtering (so read : murder of elderly, women, animals, children and minority too)
-Rape (it will not be described / developped but i will not say it's not a rape when it is one)
-Seclusion / Life emprisonment (obviously)
-Curse treated as deadly disease
-Betrayal / Abusing of trust
-Poisoning
-Parental neglect
-People being misgendered
-Homophobia
-Light bullying
-Binary and ableist mentality (binary = which means people thinks it's black or white without nuance. Ableist = which means you unfairly treat people with disability)
Now that everything hard is said and done, it's time to play game...In this chapter you met Xue Yang's father and you got Xio Xingchen's last name ;) Who noticed it?
Chapter 90: Liu Hua and Lan Qiangsi - Part 2
Notes:
Hi everyone, i hope you're all doing okay =D It took me a while to reply to your comment this week, i had lot of work (but it paid off, i got a raise!! <3) I must confess that i'm very tired (im going to sleep 12hours straight).
This chapter's trigger warnings are :
-Death (obviously)
-Murder (obviously too) / slaughtering (so read : murder of elderly, women, animals, children and minority too)
-Curse
-Betrayal
-People being misgenderedIf you feel uncomfortable at any moment don't hesitate to skip this chapter ^^
Thanks you so much for your reactions last chapter, i hope you'll like this one too. I hope you'll like the revelations in this one, nashapixie and Fraudulent_Moose both told me they liked it, they did an amazing job editing it <3
Previous chapter summary --> Cangse Sanren activated the jade token containing Liu Hua's human soul and memories ; Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan, eager to have answers about the curse, followed through while Wei Changze made sure to be their anchor and keep them safe in this almost-like-empathy spell. As they entered the memories, they discovered that Liu Hua had been the daughter of a merchant in a caravan...That had been hiding the Xue Clan's activities for the past hundred years. The little girl had no plan to become a merchant like her father, or a bride, she wanted to be a cultivator and a Xue too! Halas, the Xue were adamant that it wasn't possible to join their clan ; you have to be born with Xue Blood to carry their duty. However a woman nicknamed Teacher, who wasn't part of the Xue but merely educating them for generation, decide to give Liu hua a chance and taught her the base. Unfortunately she got called back by her rightful family and had to leave. Liu Hua persevered in her training still, helped by Xue Hei, the son of the Xue clan leader (Xue FengXin) and the florist. She even managed to form a core in secrecy. However something came up, not long after as Xue Hei and Xue Ann left the clan to travel around the world and supervise the iron Yin pieces...The caravan headed to the Wen territory in urgency : the piece there was provoking disasters despite the safeguards they put around it : they had to change its hiding place. Liu Hua thought it would be like usual, but the Cue Clan leader had something else in mind : prioritizing his family's survival, he wanted to make a deal with the great sects and come out of hiding ; giving a piece to each great sect to keep balance. This of course didn't sit well with the Xue elders but somehow he managed to convince them to give the deal a try. Liu Hua understood that if the Xue would do that, it would mean they would leave the caravan for good. The morning where FengXin and the Xue left to get the iron Yin piece, she followed, determined to not let her cultivator's future disappear with them...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Cangse Sanren, Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan understand right away what it means: these people, in the memory, they will die soon. They give one last look at the encampment. It’s big, as big as a merchant caravans can be, and always fussing with activities. Children are playing tag around the tent or carts, cattle munches peacefully in a corner, while parents are listing boxes and making sure about the safety of their goods. Cangse Sanren notices one young couple who are trying to calm down a crying baby, the woman trying to bounce it helplessly, two seconds from breaking down and crying too like young parents often do, her husband hushing them both with a tensed smile. Yu Ziyuan’s eyes linger on Liu Hua’s sister who is playing hide and seek with her friends, and Jiang Fengmian’s heart breaks a bit as he spots young boys installing a rope on a tree so they can dive into the river by swinging on it. How many times had they done that at Lotus Pier too?
Liu Hua’s memories force them away from the safety of the camp and they find themselves following where she goes, no matter what. For a brief moment it feels like they are in her head and not themselves anymore. She loses sight of the Xue though and confused about it, she decides to go to the flowery field; after all this is where they go in the end. They asked the florist—last time she was here—to make the antidote to the flowery field. She saw them take it this morning. So that must mean they are heading there. She took some too. Her spiritual power should not be disrupted. As long as they have the same destination they should meet, right?
She might have grown over the year, but she still finds a good spot to hide under the flowers, if she lies down, she knows she is almost invisible, and so she does it and waits. And waits and waits, her heart beating fast in her chest. To herself she whispers her prepared discourse: “Please take me with you when you go, I can be a good Xue, I promise. I can prove it to you, I have a golden core, look. Or at least let me continue a Xue branch with the caravan, and—”
She cannot finish her sentence, as chaos erupts. At first she just hears the sound of metal clashing against metal, then the earth shakes under the feet of many and screams echo all around. Shocked, she rises up and looks at the horizon only to see people barging in the clearing, weapons drawn. People with covered faces pursue them and before Liu Hua can wonder why, one of them stabs one of the Xue. The man wounded gurgles, blood spilling and in one swift move, his assassin takes back his sword, slicing his victim in half.
Liu Hua falls back into the ground, shocked. She cannot stop nausea from spreading as the odor of people dying reach her; a mix of sweat, shit, piss, and blood. She curls into a ball and puts her hands instinctively on her head when someone passes near her. her limbs feel like cotton, she doesn’t manage to get back on her feet and slides, again. And again. Too scared to move, and too scared to stay either, she tries to crawl. She barely manages to move a few meters away when something heavy drops nearby. It’s a human, someone she doesn’t know, their eyes are open wide, bloodshot and tearing. Liu Hua freezes on spot. It takes an awfully long time to realize that the person is dead, not looking at her but through. Their fingers are curled around a sword still. Liu Hua’s mind is completely blank as she takes the weapon for herself and resumes crawling away with it.
Two times a loud sound makes her curls up around the blade, trembling. Two times, someone falls nearby and dies right in front of her eyes. One of them is someone she knows, someone she saw the day before in the tent. One of the Xue Elders!
She is completely terrified at this point, her heart beats cover every other sound and her every breath tastes like blood in her mouth. She just wants to get away and return to her parents but she doesn’t even remember where she is; the world is so different at ground level and she doesn’t dare get to her feet to find her direction.
She is considering the option of just lying down and pretending to be dead—would that work? What if the Xue loses? What if the attackers win? Wouldn’t anyone check the battlefield after they are done? What would she do then?—when something pulls her out she screams and yanks back.
“What are you doing here?!”
Xue FengXi looks at her, he is the one who caught her by her collar. She clings to her borrowed sword and hiccups, both from relief and fear. Somehow the prospect of being punished for following them is better than any other future she can picture right now.
“I’m so sorry! I’m—watch out!”
Leader drops her and immediately turns to his heels, fast enough to stop a blade from running through his body. She falls to the ground and rolls. Then she sees a stranger run to Xue Fengxi, their sword drawn. Her mind blacks out. She doesn’t know why, maybe it’s because finally she has someone by her side, someone she trusts and admires and she is too scared to be alone again, so she takes up her borrowed sword and jumps. Her aim is clunky but she doesn’t miss, it goes through flesh and blood spills on her face. She stumbles along with her victim. Leader doesn’t let her realize if she killed someone or not. He ends the fight with his first opponent, catches her by the back of her robe and drags her along. Liu Hua’s grasp on the sword is so tense that she can’t let go of it, she barely feels any resistance when the blade slides out the body.
“Don’t look!” Screams Xue Fengxi.
So she closes her eyes, dropping the sword to press her palms on her lids in a panicked hiccup. The next thing she knows, she falls on an ice cold ground. When she opens her eyes again everything is pitch black still and she fears she’s become blind. Then there’s a spark, a flash of light, and she realizes they are inside a cave. Something, a ward, makes vines fall out and blocks the way. It’s Leader’s cultivation technique. She recognizes it because he always makes vines when they camp near a river, so that every child can swing on them and dive. She remembers because other Xue don’t do that, they play with metal parts rather than vegetation; she had believed it was the reason he was made leader until she saw Xue Hei, his son, play with metal bits and still be called heir.
For a long time, all Liu Hua can hear is her ragged breath. Until there’s a pitiful laugh that echoes around. Or maybe it’s a sob. Maybe it’s her, she isn’t sure.
“Leader?” She hazards, unsure.
“Liu Hua...We should be safe for now…”
It’s only then she realizes how her robe is wet and itchy where Xue Fengxi’s hands touched. She walks a bit, trying to find him in the darkness, and finally her fingers brush something. It is poised and hot. It smells like iron. It smells like blood.
“Leader?” She repeats, trembling.
He can’t be hurt, she thinks, in panic. She protected him from this opponent, and he managed to catch her and drag her along. Surely, if he is hurt, it can’t be bad? Just scratch, it has to be just a scratch!
Xue Fengxi laughs again and coughs. Then he whines:
“What have I done? Teacher… ”
He has to be okay, Liu Hua prays, again and again, as she gets a piece of homemade talisman paper out of her robe and tries to scribble, blindly, a spell. She did it so many times in the secrecy of her tent that it is easy, even with her hands trembling so much. The paper alights, a blue fire consuming the letters but not the paper.
And then she can see.
Leader is not okay. It is not a scratch. His robe is soaked with blood, his whole stomach makes bubbles . Unconsciously she tries to touch it—maybe she can just...put everything back inside, and it’ll be okay, she desperately wishes—but Xue Fengxi stops her movements.
“It’s no use.”
His eyes are on her and maybe it’s the reflection of her fire talisman that makes the trick, but it gives him a fiery, feral look.
“I need your help,” he says.
“W-What can I do?” Liu Hua laments.
She could give him a little bit of spiritual energy, she thinks, it might speed up his recovery and maybe save him. Maybe if there’s plants inside the cave she could make a bandage, a poultry. She learned everything from the florist, she could have been an herbalist.
But that’s not enough.
What can she do to get them all out of here? To make things better, to make whatever this is stop? Slowly, he asks her to help him walk first, and she does.She relays on him mentally as much as he relies on her physically for a short moment. Her legs are shaking like crazy but she pulls him up and lets him lean on her back. She tries to ignore the spongious sound that makes his body against her and focus on his instructions.
“We need to retrieve the Iron Yin,” he whispers. “You take it, and you have to run away as far away as you can. Don’t return to the camp, run until you cannot run anymore, don’t stop before you are sure.”
Sure of what? She wants to ask, but her tongue is heavy in her mouth. She cannot do that—she wants her mother, her father, she needs to return to the camp and tell them to run with her. She cannot go without them! She needs to take her siblings too. And their belongings! And want every merchant. How much time does it take them to take only the essentials and run, she wonders? Too long. Probably far too long! And she is trapped here!
She misses what Xue Fengxi does with his hands, only realizing he must have done something when he shoves a pouch in her robes, pressing it like it is a matter of life and death.
“Protect it, at all costs, do you hear me?”
He laughs again, as he draws something on her forehead with his blood, then on her arms. She feels the spiritual energy prickles her skin.
“Do you remember how you always said you wanted to be a Xue? Well, now consider yourself as an honorary member of our clan. This spell should help...Help you know what every Xue should know instinctively, the knowledge of all the Xue ancestors dead before you... We use it to...make sure our knowledge isn’t lost...I don’t know if it will work as well on your since you don’t share our blood but—you have to...go and find my son, or the florist, or Xue Ann and warn them...Make them regroup and— ”
He whines and this time Liu Hua cannot hold him, when he falls, she falls with him. Immediately she gets back on her knees and gets to him, trying to get back up but he pushes her away, his breath ragged.
“Leave me here, I need to take full responsibility for my mistakes... I need to...”
He stops, and it takes sometimes for Liu Hua to realize he simply fainted for a moment. Once she does, however, panic settles in her chest and she shakes him up, calling him again and again. She cannot do this alone; she doesn’t even know the way out! She is too small, she barely knows how to fight! No one will listen to her! Father will be too busy scolding her, telling her he warned her about cultivator’s dangerous job...
“The vines will disappear once this is over,” he whispers, regaining consciousness.
He coughs again and this time there’s a wet sound that comes along with it. He is dying. She knows that. He knows that. And while it terrifies the girl, it only angers the man.
“Damn you...Damn you all, we only wanted to do our duty!” He grumbles, his fist hitting the ground. “We—cannot, I let...”
He looks at Liu Hua, confused again, and caresses her cheeks. His palms are scorching hot. His words are incoherent.
“They are out there...Waiting for us...We cannot let you go alone...We cannot... They’ll try again to get it...We cannot let them live...But we don’t know who they are...”
Then he sobs.
“What did we do...What did we do to deserve this, we tried our best...We tried so hard, why is our blood so cursed, it was supposed to be a blessing, it was supposed to protect us...why—
Then laughs.
“A curse, that is...The curse...Like our ancestor did...Like Wen Mao—how fitting—”
Liu Hua fears Xue Fengxi has gone mad, when he manages to get back on his knees. He starts to scribble an array on the ground with his own blood, grinning. She tries to stop him—surely they have better things to do, now—but he pushes her away violently.
“Help me!” He orders. “Go to the other side and write what I tell you—”
“Leader—”
“You are a cultivator right? You learned! It must be a sign, fate, you have to help me, you know how to write talismans, then you should be okay with arrays...”
She nods mechanically, and he points out something, and shoves a part of his soaking robe into her arms.
“Make the circle—”
She does what he asks, after the circle is done he starts to give her other instructions; which characters to write down and in what order. She obeys, her eyes filling with tears as his voice gets weaker and weaker, as his instructions mix with rants.
“They will pay, pay, I don’t know who they are but I don't care, this will find them, this will track them. This will protect everyone. We cannot let them touch the Iron Yin. We cannot let them find it. They cannot be allowed to live! Make their organs melt, make the resentment spread, make them as rotten on the outside as they are on the inside! Golden light will fade to dark and they will pay—pay—pay! ”
Liu Hua cannot even see what she is writing at this point, everything is blurry and hurt. It’s dark and red. But she continues until the end. She wants to go home. She wants her mother. She wants her family. She wants it to be over and nothing but a bad dream.
Then as if the Gods had heard her prayers, there’s a loud thud, followed by an overwhelming silence.
Liu Hua stops and sniffs, as she sees Xue Fengxi on the ground. He is not moving anymore.
She carefully gets closer and, once again, shakes him slightly. He doesn’t react. He doesn’t wake up. He is dead.
She is alone. The blood written on her skin burns. Her whole body had felt so hot, only a minute ago, her blood pumping into her ears, her tears streaming down her face, yet all it needs to turn entirely cold is this realization.
She looks at Xue Fengxi’s hand. His finger is still pointing out, half writing his last word. She does it for him automatically. And then she curls up to his side, takes a shaky breath...and cries.
She cries and screams until her sobs echoes all around her as if someone, anyone, was here by her side, sharing her pain. And as she does, millions of images go through her mind, assaulting her brain. She doesn’t understand half of it, but it hurts. It hurts.
***
Cangse Sanren is the first one to emerge from the blurb of consciousness. Liu Hua is still lying on the floor, unmoving, her hands curled around the pouch in her robe. Her eyes are on the array. The bloody spell drawn on her skin is activating: it scorches the girl’s brain, to help her understand the array she just drew. The spell is so similar to the one out of the token, she realizes, only slightly altered. Liu Hua sees the image is clear, as clear as the pain and the loss. She sees it, she learns it, she memories it. But she doesn’t understand it yet because her head hurts too much, there’s too much information at the same time.
However Cangse Sanren does.
“This is terrible!”
She floats—or walks, she isn’t sure—around the array, deciphering it litle by little. It is as confusing and complex as a dead man’s last words, but it is workable.
Jiang Fengmian isn’t an expert on arrays, but his father died because of the curse, so he did try to read as much as he could about how it works. He has theory, not practice so he is sure that this situation is indeed terrible.
The last will of a cultivator is already very powerful; but under all those aggravating circumstances? Powered up by the Iron Yin’s presence? This might be the strongest curse in existence ever. Their only salvation relies on the fact that a curse’s target is always written last; as a safeguard. More often than none, curses require a lot of blood, and so if the caster dies before he finishes, it leads to a dangerous array of resentment without aim, trapped within the scripture...but not unleashed on anyone.
Unfortunately he knows this is not the case; that this is the curse that killed his father and so many before him. So the leader did write the end of the spell before dying. He did unleash it.
He does look at the array though, and tries to stare at the emplacement where the caster has to write the way to stop the curse, as it is mandatory. The spell would not work without it; another safeguard. But he can’t decipher it. It is written with shaking hands and is overly flowery.
“What does it say?” Yu Ziyuan also kneels around the array, trying to read it to no avail. It’s too complex. It mixes earth and metal elements, she can see the intent of making it travel through the land through dragons veins but then there’s a metaphor about bodies that lose her completely. So she turns to Cangse Sanren and orders her to explain. Because obviously the genius got it when she doesn’t.
“Remember the barrier I made around Lotus Pier? The first one, the one who alerted us whenever someone’s body had a certain level of resentment?”
“Yes. The one that rang too many times, even for petty crimes whenever someone was barely angry at another,”
“Yes! I fixed it by adjusting the level of resentment it required and clarifying who the resentment was focused on—Well it’s the same! Xue Fengxi didn’t know who was attacking them, so he made up a curse that would attack those whoever were feeling resentment toward the Xue Clan!”
She points out one part of the array, the one that the caster should write last, the one that gives the target to the curse:
“Except he didn't give a precise level of resentment for the curse! You have to be precise with such complex spells because there’s more chance of it working badly than just not working at all. And Liu Hua also made a mistake when she finished his work. It wasn’t just missing one word; he hasn’t finished a sentence. She cut it short and so the nuance is gone! Xue Fengxi probably wanted to write something like “ Punish whoever wanted to harm us.” But she wrote
“Punish whoever wishes us harm .” Present tense; and different words! ”
She gasps.
“That’s why the curse killed at a random pace: the more resentment the victim held inside their heart the faster it went! But if they only merely wished for their death once, like in a passing thought it would only create a small amount of resentment, that the golden core would not purge but not enough to kill. Yet the passageway would be created and inevitably more resentment—not necessarily against the Xue—would slip through and do the job...This spell compromises the core in the long term.”
Jiang Fengmian’s heart sinks in his chest. It’s hard to focus as he realizes a curse can violate one’s mind and secrets, enough to kill someone for a spare idea, not even one they would have backed up with actions. It’s terrifying. It’s nauseating.
“That’s what killed my father?! A passing thought?” Yells Yu Ziyuan.
As soon as she says it, she doubts it. Her father, unlike Jiang Fengmian’s who took years to die, was gone in only a few months once the first symptoms appeared. Does that mean he wished for the Xue clan’s death way later on? It doesn’t make sense; her father lived in the present, he would not care about the Xue some twenty years after their death. Then does this mean he is among those who attacked that day?
Yu Ziyuan hates to think her father would participate in such slaughtering but the Xue did want to go out of their hiding spot and share the Iron Yin pieces with the great sects. If her father had heard of it, he would have not allowed it; as it is too much power in the hands of people above Meishan Yu Sect. He would have got rid of the threat for his minor sect and children, no matter what the cost would be.
If so, why did it take so long to hit him? She clings to this in hopes to take the blame away from her father.
“The curse travels through earth and Qi points—” answers Cangse Sanren to her question. Yu Ziyuan hadn’t realized she asked it aloud. “ If the Meishan Yu sect is away from a major Qi point it might be the reason why it took so much time to reach him. Do you remember how the curse acted at the beginning?”
“The Nie and the Lan were the most affected.” Answers Fengmian.
And they all know that the Lan lives at Cloud Recesses because it is a high spiritual place; there must be Qi points somewhere on their ground. The Nie probably also have such things if Cangse Sanren’s theory is correct.
Lotus Pier doesn’t have a Qi point on their territory, but one is fairly close; after all, Cangse Sanren used it for her teleportation array the night she almost died.
Cangse Sanren sends them a sorry look and unfortunately nods, deciphering the array as she goes to tell:
“All the curse needs is a spark of resentment. The curse enhances it so it can avoid being purged by the golden core, passing as good yin energy, and travel with the spiritual energy through meridians. It then settles in organs, and little by little it piles up until it poisons everything...I’m sorry...”
“Because of a spelling mistake...” Repeats Jiang Fengmian, hollow.
His eyes fall on the array and on the girl curled at his feets, sobbing. Yu Ziyuan wants to punch this silly girl, slap her in the face and force her to reread the array, to rewrite it correctly and fix this, but she couldn’t even see where to start.
She doesn’t understand how this works, how could she expect for a self taught teenage-girl to get it?!
It’s so infuriating. She came here hoping to get a culprit, not sorry circumstances and pilling mistakes leading to a tragedy! She wanted the blame to be easily put on someone’s back and clear!
But life is more complicated than that. It always has been and will always be.
“Cangse, why did the curse stop, then? Can you decipher this part of the array?” Jiang Fengmian asks, his heart heavy.
He needs to know why the spell killed and killed and then stopped. Why it couldn’t stop before it took away his family. Cangse Sanren sends him a sorry look and moves to the part, she takes some time to read it, muttering under her breath.
Then shakes her head and closes her eyes:
“It stopped when the one who started it all and was behind the slaughtering had been killed by the Xue’s wrath.”
So, the curse spread and killed, again and again, until the true culprit of it all got himself close enough to a major Qi point to be infected and then killed by the curse.
If only he would have just walked out the battlefield and got infected, all of this could have been avoided, thinks Jiang Fengmian.
He looks at the cave, the blood, the crying girl and the corpse. He thinks about his father, about Yu Ziyuan’s father, about these years of fears the cultivation world lived under and thinks again :
All of this could have been avoided.
It hurts.
***
Slowly but surely, Liu Hua’s overwhelmed sobs quiet, as no one comes to comfort her, it turns into small whimpers before it is completely gone. The pain also lessens as the images and knowledge find their place in the back of her mind and the blood on her skin dries out and fades. At some point her grip on the dead body falters and she raises up, her eyes rimmed with red and her whole body slumped down. She breathes in once, the air coming in a bit ragged, and blinks as if she is surprised she can still do it. Then she does it again and this time her tears are gone. It’s easier. It doesn’t pill up to her chest and heart. She is fine. Physically at least.
She is fine and he is dead.
Her mind is so, so far away from her body as she stands up again. She picks up FengXi’s sword on the ground as she returns to the entrance of the cave and her hands caresses the qiankun pouch hidden under her robe. It pulses under her fingers, like a second heart and it feels like it swallows all her coherent thoughts.
Her mind is blank, her limbs are as heavy as her head, which is confusing because her whole self feels hollow and empty. Where does this weight come from?
Leader didn’t lie, the vines are soft again and let her pass and exit. The battlefield is cleared. There’s nothing left but bodies. She passes through it, dragging a sword, too big, behind her. She tries not to look at the corpses, but fails and recognizes way too many people. People she grew up with. She doesn’t realize she is running before a tree branch gets in her face at full speed.
Leader said she should run, and so she does. But Leader also said she should not return to the camp and that she can’t. She can’t! She can’t! She needs to warn everyone, she needs to tell them to run with her too, even if they don’t believe her, even if they call her a liar, she has to make them go before—
Before—
Before she even reaches the clearing, she hears the screams and the sound of battle. Her blood freezes in her veins, her hands tighten around her borrowed sword as the dark energy hidden inside her robe pulses, roars in echoe with her mind.
No! No! No! No!
She runs to the direction of the encampment, everything is aflame, everything is burning. It feels like her whole life is burning. People are fighting one another, her own armed with whatever they find, against blades. They have no chance to win. Her own weapon is too heavy in her arms. She can’t find her breath.
Yu Ziyuan spots a familiar movement in the crowd, and recognizes a defense move from Meishan. Jiang Fengmian hears the clear sound of a clarity bell amidst the chaos. Cangse Sanren recognizes the well known spell among rogues, that covers one’s face with a dark fog. It feels more real than ever, this is not an accident, this is not an unplanned attack. It is an ambush.
Liu Hua looks in the direction of the river and doesn’t spot her brothers playing there anymore, but the foam is slowly turning red. She can’t see her mother or sister. Where had she seen them last?
She doesn’t remember. So she makes her way to their tent at full speed.
Please be okay, please be okay, please be still standing!
Somehow she convinces herself they are waiting for her there, that they still have time to take whatever they see fit and flee. She does it because she doesn’t know what she would do if they are not. She doesn’t even know where to start to looking. She doesn’t want to be alone.
She is supposed to be the one attempting the impossible jump and die trying, they are supposed to remain safe on the road, doing a job they have done safely for generations. Suddenly she gets her father’s worries. Suddenly she realizes that despite all her complaints, she is happy here. She is not ready yet to live without them. She isn’t old enough to be on her own. She wants her brother and sister. She wants her mother and father- She wants-
And so she has it.
When she reaches the area of her tent, it is still standing. And she recognizes her father’s back.
It is pierced through by a blade.
She screams, but he isn’t the one who hears her. It’s his killer, whose face is covered by a black mist that moves. With one swift move he lets Liu Hua’s father’s body slide off his sword, and it hits the ground without a sound. Or maybe it does, but Liu Hua can’t hear anything but the thunder in her chest. She wants to rush to her father and try—something, maybe the wound isn’t too serious, maybe she can do something still, his chest is moving, he must be still breathing—but she cannot. The one who murdered her father stands in between.
“This is not against you,” he says.
Then why are you doing this? She screams back. If this is not against her, then give it back! Give her back Leader, the Xue, her father, her camp! Everything they took from her today! She charges—she just wants to get to her father, heal his wounds, if it’s not against them, then he could let her fix this! There’s still time. If he is this sorry, if he regrets, then—
But he isn't sorry at all.
Liu Hua doesn’t get immediately that the blade pierced her flesh too. It doesn’t hurt. Not like she thought it would. Or maybe she doesn’t feel it immediately because everything hurts right now. She hiccups in surprise and looks at the sword sliding out of her chest like it’s some oddity.
“I’m sorry,” her murderer says, as he moves to kill yet another innocent.
“Liar,” she whispers and falls to the ground.
But she doesn’t sprawl on the ground like she thinks she would, her knees hit it first, and she has the strength in her arms to hold on still. Her vision waivers and darkens around the corner. And suddenly it hurts like it should. It burns, it's hard to breath.
Father is just a couple of steps away. He rolled in her direction, he is breathing, he is watching.
“You’re going to be fine,”
Liu Hua doesn’t know if he tells her that, or if she is the one who whispers those words, maybe they both do, maybe it’s their common prayer. It gives her the courage she lacks. She bathes the wound with spiritual energy. She can taste blood in her mouth and her heart pulses raw under her fingertips. She seizes the sword she disregarded.
Suddenly it is not as heavy as it was before.
Suddenly, it doesn’t really matter if it’s hard.
She looks at her father on the ground and thinks that she will see him soon.
Liu Hua doesn’t know where she finds the strength to stand once again, to be quite honest she doesn’t feel like she does, it’s more like she lets herself free fall. She just decides where to crash and burn.
Her sword and herself hit a hot body at full speed. Then both her and her victim fall and hit the water. She missed his vital point. She knows, but yet she clings to her blade and pushes, pushes as far as she can. He screams back, and they roll in the river, their backs scratched by the rocks of the river bed. Everything is confusing.
“This is all your fault!” She roars.
“It’s your fault!” The man roars back “You sheltered the Xue! Don’t complain that you get the same fate as them! You left us with no other choice! ”
Then Liu Hua’s head hits something, again she feels the burn of the blade in her body and she loses. Her fingers slick off the guard of the sword, she gets taken away by the river stream. Her head gets submerged and she puts both of her hands on her mouth in the vain hope to keep a little bit of air in it. Finally the world echoes the turmoil of her soul, it turns upside down, left becomes right and she can’t breath. At first she tries to breach through the surface and take a gulp, but she thinks about the assassin and she curls up back to the water, like a floating corpse. Her body doesn’t obey her anymore. She’s tossed flopples around by a force she cannot fight with, the clear liquid she played in this morning is unrecognizable, muddy and bloody. It is so, so cold it takes all her breath away.
And so she lets it go and thinks about her father’s words:
You’re going to be fine.
Liu Hua doesn’t die. Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren awake with her on the riverbed. The sky is dark, it is night. She is hurt all over. But she is not dead. Someone has spotted her and is currently dragging her ashore, talking in a hurried, panicked tone.
The wound on her chest is red and puffy, she feels her spiritual energy tingling around it. Then there’s hands and compress, poultry and care.
“Mother?”
But it’s not her mother. The woman apologizes and Liu Hua lets the tear roll because she had hoped.
It is a farmer family who found her, she learns the next time she opens her eyes. They were by the river because they fear a drought this year and were trying to prepare an illegal irrigation system. Her wound is worrying, they tell her, but she barely registers their concern.
“A cultivator passed around a few hours ago, asking if we found survivors, apparently there was an attack on merchants up ahead are you—”
“Did you tell them I was?”
The farmer man’s lips thin.
“No. We don’t want troubles.”
He doesn’t say it, but it means: we don’t want you to stay here and bring us trouble. The rejection doesn’t really hurt. She doesn’t want to stay either, she wants...She wants…
She wants her family back. She wants her life back. She wants everything that happened to be a nightmare. But it’s not.
The next day, despite her wound, she leaves the farmer house before dawn. She has\d wanted to leave them a bit of money as a thanks, but she doesn’t have anything left. Not even the Iron Yin. The qiankun pouch has disappeared. It must have been swept away by the stream.
Liu Hua knows she should care, but everyone is dead and there’s only so much of her mind that can think beyond that very fact.
She finds the main road easily, scratching her chest wound nervously. It itches. A part of her knows it shouldn’t be cured already, but she is glad it is. Because she needs to get back to the camp. She only saw her father there—maybe her mother and siblings weren’t in the camp. Maybe they went to the town to sell something. Maybe they were playing in the forest. Maybe her father survived the chest wound like she did, he was conscious when she left!
Maybe. Maybe...Maybe she is not alone. She needs to know. She needs to be sure.
When she reaches the remains of the camp, of her life, there’s nothing left but ruins and blood. Some people are already gathering around, lining up the corpses.
“Are you here to help clean the mess?” One man says when he spots her. “We must make sure everything is done before it starts to rot…Every pair of hands is welcomed.”
Liu Hua wishes they would have been there yesterday, when every pair of hands mattered to save lives. Where were they, then? Why didn’t they rush to their rescue? Why didn’t they help? But she doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t know if they are on her side or on the attackers’.
And also because it doesn’t matter anymore.
“We’re lucky we have two cultivators helping, that way we’ll be sure not to have ghosts haunting the place—” she hears as she stumbles around the battlefield.
Cangse Sanren looks up and she gasps at the vision of her adoptive mother, her long and white figure gliding among the ruins. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian look up too, and they see the Lan cultivator performing Rest for the dead, they see an unknown woman placing talismans.
“Who it is?” Yu Ziyuan asks.
“Baoshan Sanren,” answers Cangse Sanren.
They blink in surprise, startled that the wise immortal could be seen outside of her mountain. But also how small she is. She is shorter than Cangse Sanren. And she looks like she is about to shrink in place too. Or maybe they see her that way because that’s how they feel.
In their career as cultivators, they have witnessed many tragedies, buried innocents and put to rest many victims. But this is different. This was not caused by a monster. It was caused by men. By their kind.
Maybe by their very own fathers, sects and clans.
“What are you doing here?” She murmurs to the ghost of Baoshan Sanren. She wants to touch and reach out, but she can’t, she is too far away.
And Liu Hua doesn’t look at the cultivators, her eyes stay down at the ground. She recognizes every face. Every single person there had been a friend or neighbor. Some she liked, some she only tolerated and some she outwardly avoided. But they have been with her every day and she didn’t even know how much they mattered to her until now. None of them deserved such ends. Not even the one’s she didn’t like.
It’s when she finds Liu Mei, her sister, that she finally breaks down. Her sobs turn into nausea and she throws up on the ground, unable to breath. One woman—Baoshan Sanren—rushes to her side and thinks it’s the vision of her tiny body, cut in half, that traumatized Liu Hua. But it isn’t. It doesn't matter that her sister was cut in half, what it matters is that someone did it. Someone took her family away. Her sister is gone. The worst mistake Liu Mei ever did was tell their father that Liu Hua skipped her chores! And now she is dead because people judged her evil . She lives in a world where her sweet sister is judged evil and where her two brothers are dead. And her mother. She finds out soon after. She makes a line just for her family, under the straw mats.
They must have been terrified. They were all scattered across the battlefield, dying alone and probably worried sick over the others. They must have died terrified and the thought won’t leave Liu Hua’s mind.
Later on, the same woman, Baoshan Sanren, comes around and gives her medicine. She asks her if she has eaten. If she needs anything. But all Liu Hua needs is her family back.
She can’t have that anymore, can she?
The next day she helps incinerate the dead, as she cleans her father’s body, she finds a piece of cloth stuck between his rigid fingers. It’s white and smooth.
Jiang Fengmian frowns, recognizing the pattern and suddenly he remembers, he connects the dots. He looks at the girl in front of him and realizes: this is the girl Xue Ann found in the cave . He should have made the connection earlier, but she had looked so sick in Xue Ann’s memory, he hadn’t—he had hoped it would be someone else.
But the Lan sacred ribbon in her fist is the same; it’s torn, the cloud pattern ripped in half, ravaged. Yu Ziyuan is not surprised, she saw at least two people fighting with the Lan style in the flower battlefield, in Liu Hua’s memory. None during the massacre of the merchants, but she might have simply missed them. The man who killed Liu Hua’s father may or may not be a Lan, the fight was over too fast, was too confusing through the girl’s eyes, to be sure.
Cangse Sanren’s eyes drift to the Lan who is cleaning the battlefield instinctively, but he is too far away, she can’t see if his ribbon is torn. And her attention is drawn to her adoptive mother’s instead. It’s hard to see her so close and not being able to reach out. She would probably know more about what happened here.
On the third day, Liu Hua has taken a bit of the ashes of the funeral pyre where her family burned. Everything is more or less cleaned, there are no bodies left, and people serve themselves in what is left of the merchandise and belongings. She finds Leader FengXi’s sword in the river and takes it back despite the damage the water did to the blade. No one comments on it as they very much do the same. It allows her to retrieve a few other of her things that survived the massacre, so she can’t complain, but her heart still burns when she sees strangers getting away with the treasured comb of their granny neighbor or the toys they all shared. One woman even takes the crib they made for the Zhang.
They killed my baby cousin too, she realizes and she didn’t think things could hurt even more. She never cared about babies, like her sister or brother did, when they reunited to see the baby boy, she barely gave him a glance. She didn’t coo like others when the baby grabbed their fingers. And now the baby is gone, he only lived for a couple of months.
It starts to rain and people are impatient to get over with this disaster. She is the only one here that realizes how much has been lost today. How fragile happiness is. A few hours of battle and three days of cleaning, that’s apparently all her everyday was worth, Liu Hua can’t help but think.
“Let’s leave this place.” whispers the man who has been supervising the effort.
And Liu Hua feels the same, she wants to leave everything behind too. She looks at the grey sky and wonders how the Gods can be so cruel. Until now she slept curled in the forest and it’s true she retrieved her stuff to camp, she knows how to but still. Each drop hurts, reminding her there’s nowhere else she can go anymore. She has no home to run back anymore.
Cangse Sanren looks at Baoshan Sanren from the corner of her eyes, and even though she knows the woman won’t bring her to the mountain, she can’t help but pray silently to do so still. Unfortunately the immortal doesn’t, she leaves.
“Why is no one helping this kid,” grumbles Yu Ziyuan. It’s evident she is—”
But maybe it isn’t, for people who don't know. Who don’t care. Jiang Fengmian can’t help but wonder how many children ended up the same way, after a monster’s attack or a catastrophe, and how many times he just hadn’t thought to look their way. Their job is to save them but they never care about what they do after. How could they?
Cangse Sanren knows first hand how you feel, when the world thinks they’ve helped you enough and leaves you on your own.
Liu Hua remains alone. So she continues. She walks, finding familiar roads she never really took alone before and where the ghosts of her memories linger by her side. She pokes the memories of the Xue, that is sealed inside her brain, trying to reach out to the souls of the dead and finds comfort in their presence. But they don’t answer her call, maybe because she is not from their blood. Maybe because it’s their knowledge she inherited, contained in the human soul, but not the soul itself. She is all alone.
Cangse Sanren is again all too familiar with this kind of wandering, where your only thoughts are on the step you take after another, water you have to drink and food you have to find. The days are easier than the nights, as long as there are people around Liu Hua somehow can keep her face straight. But when she ends up lying on the ground in the dark it’s harder. Even though she has years of travelling behind her and knows how to survive in the wild, like any kid in the caravan before her...She still struggles for the task that her parents usually did for her. When she fails she summons the knowledge of the Xue, all she lacks hitting her in the face. She can’t help but cry, her fingers trembling in the freezing rain.
“I’m so sorry—” she says to the void. “I didn’t know a single thing, I thought I knew better but I didn’t—”
Yes Day-Liu Hua can keep it together, but 2-Am Liu Hua can’t. She cries herself to sleep more often than not, the absence of her relatives freezing her to the core and wakes up with her skin burning, the flames of destruction haunting her dreams as her siblings screams and Leader laughs.
She misses her family. She apologizes for every little thing she did, for every missed opportunity to tell them she loved them. For not saving them. For not being with them in the end. For not having the courage to just stop and let death take her even though she has no clue what she is doing. She thinks of the Xue Clan, that she wanted so much to join and regrets favoring them over her family now. She thinks of all the people of the caravans, those she liked, those she hated, those she just didn’t care much but would gladly welcome back in her life to just...not be all alone. But the worst of it is thinking about how long there’s left to live for her and the realization that her family is now past and gone. That she didn’t even have 20 years with them, and that if she lives normally, the time she will live without them will be greater than with them.
Liu Mei will never have her first kiss, will never confess her feelings to the Xue Heir. She will never work with Liu Huo and take over father’s job at the caravan. Liu Fan will always be the snotty brat, she will never see them married or having kids or even be simply happy.
And her father’s words ring to her ears every night.
“Is it so hard to understand that your well being means everything to me?”
She understands now. She would give up everything if it meant they could be alive and well by her side. Everything. But it’s too late.
Father’s last words ring in her ears: “You’ll be fine.”
But she isn’t fine. How could she be fine?
It feels like there’s a second hole in her chest, and so the pain of the stab wound is laughable in comparison. One day it itches and she scratches it, and her fingers return bloodied with a little bit of pus. She almost thinks it’s a good thing. If she does nothing—if she lets the wound infect...Then it’s not really her fault if she dies, right? It should have killed her in the first place, she doesn’t get why a little bit of spiritual energy made the difference when the same wound killed her dad.
Yet, the first night the fever strikes she changes her mind. It’s worse.
It’s worse because she hasn’t been sick for a long, long time and all her memories of those terrible moments are full of the light touch of her mother and the kind care of her father. It makes the pain worse. She can’t stand the illusion of having them by her side to wake up and find them gone. It’s too hard. As soon as she is strong enough again she gets herbs in the wild and makes a poultry like the florist taught her. While it doesn’t work as well as it should she finds in the Xue memory the way cultivation should be used to accelerate the healing process. But it’s her first attempt at it, and despite knowing the theory she is still clumsy at best.
And that’s when she gets her realization, the florist. Xue Ann. The Xue heir! Leader asked her to find them. They are alive!
She is not alone!
She holds to her family’s ashes and the ribbon, and finds a new purpose. She has to tell them, they will know what to do, they will cry with her, they…
She goes to the only place she knows there’s a Iron Yin piece, thinking that at least one of the surviving Xue would stop there at some point. But she pushes through so much that the moment she finds the secret pathway and sighs in relief...She collapses, exhausted. The infection finds her before she gets to them.
Unfortunately, Jiang Fengmian knows what happens next, Xue Ann’s spiritual beast does find Liu Hua here, she brings the sick girl to the inn just like she did in the empathy. Jiang Fengmian already told everyone here what happened inside the memory, but it’s not the same to know about it and witness it. And once Xue Ann walks out of the inn room, shocked by the news of her clan’s slaughtering, she never comes back.
“I never saw her again,” whispers the voice.
Her dog, however, Molang, does come back. Covered in blood, it barges inside the inn room where Liu Hua is resting and tries to bring her down. She is feverish and cannot understand everything well, and the innkeeper, afraid of the beast, chases it away. That earns her another pair of wounds that get infected soon after, but before leaving Xue Ann paid the innkeeper and a doctor, so she is well taken care of for a few days.
She waits for Xue Ann for a long time there. Until there’s no more money left.
“I’m sorry, but you can’t keep freeloading,” explains the Innkeeper, embarrassed.
He is right, of course, so she leaves.
She is back on the road, alone, once again with nothing but her makeshift tent and her guilt. Her body is fine now, she is healed, but her mind feels broken and beyond repair. She doesn’t cry anymore. It feels like she wasted all her tears away the last few weeks when there is just nothing much to do anymore. Finding the Xue has been her last plan, her last hope to return to an echo, an illusion of her life from before. Now what life could she return to? They didn’t want her. They have never wanted her in the first place. All that is left in Liu Hua’s heart and future is anger. Anger and hatred.
She leaves angry. Angry at everything, at Xue Ann for leaving her alone and abandoning her. She thinks: Xue Ann probably took the Iron Yin pieces and ran away, guessing Liu Hua would be unhelpful...After all she did lose the piece the Leader entrusted her. She is angry at the Xue clan for disregarding her for this reason. She is angry at herself, for trusting someone only to be betrayed again and she swears this will never happen again.
But most of all she is angry at the Lan clan. She grips the Lan sacred ribbon in her hands, now that she knows what it is, and hate, hate, hate.
I’m not letting you get away with this.
Since she has no one in her life anymore, no more goal, nothing to protect, she decides she will destroy. She will find the one who ruined her life and make sure he knows the same pain as her.
Killing just doesn’t feel enough. It is too fast, too gentle. Killing them would be too kind. She needs to ruin them. If they only care about wealth and about reputation she will ruin it. If they care about people she will take it away from them the same way they did to her. She will humiliate them, she will make sure they have no life to ever go back to, just like she does. She will make sure their body, mind and fate wouldn't be their own anymore and that they will feel as empty and alone as she does.
You made the monster, don’t be surprised if it bites you back now.
“Hate is a strange feeling,” states the voice. “I wish you’ll never experience it, my boys, as the more you abhor it the closer you get from the one you hate the most. I didn’t realize back then, or maybe I didn't care. I couldn’t return to the person I was before and I could picture no future for me, so becoming a monster too wasn’t that terrifying. It felt better than who I was right then, sad and terrified.”
But Liu Hua is not stupid, or at least, the recent events taught her better, she is weak. So very weak. There’s absolutely no chance she will be able to find the one responsible for her family’s murder and avenge them in the state she is.
So. She takes care of that problem first.
Returning to training is almost freeing, it brings back a bit of before in her life, even though the ghosts of her family are always walking by her side. They do not encourage and shout at her like they did in the past, but they support her all the same. When she feels her legs trembling, when she is exhausted she looks up and remembers they are dead and that their murderer is free. The anger fills her lungs, gives her a second breath, the strength to continue.
It’s hard for Yu Ziyuan to relate so much to that girl, to understand her thoughts, the wrath that replaced blood in her veins. After all, didn’t she think exactly the same, when she learned about Madam Lan being responsible for the curse? Didn’t she wish for her punishment too? Not caring at all about the consequences and those her death would affect?
Training has a second advantage for Liu Hua, it gives her the impression that she is doing something toward her goal . She has no clue beside the ribbon and the knowledge she is not strong enough to charge head on yet. Training fools her mind. She thinks, If it had been faster that day, if I had ran directly to the camp to warn everyone, if — if —And it turns these thoughts into: Well now I will be fast enough, now I will be strong enough, now, now —
She doesn’t have anything to protect anymore, and though she doesn’t realise it yet, it gives her the hope that in the future she will have something new, something else, and that she won’t lose it. Of course, in her current mindset, all trapped in the pain of grief and anger, she is not ready to accept that.
“My first year of imprisonment I asked your father: why do the Lan go into seclusion? How could he just stand there and do nothing? I couldn’t stand it. He told me that he understands my need to busy my mind, to not think about everything else, but that the purpose of seclusion was that; facing the thing you are running away from, in hopes that you understand from your past mistakes, reflect on it and that you get better and stronger by facing your fears. It’s a bet, he told me. It does not work on everyone. Please, A-Huan, A-Zhan, I can’t tell you to never try seclusion...Maybe it is good for you, for me it certainly washed me away from the most part of my anger and allowed me to gain back some clarity...But it is killing your father right now, he is stuck in a loop where he can’t get out, no matter how much reflection and thinking he does. So if you find yourself in his shoes, please don't force yourself to remain alone and trapped just because this is the way people say you should go with your feelings. There are as many ways to deal with it as there are humans.”
Jiang Fengmian hears those words, all too aware of their truth, even for him who needs to retreat sometimes and understand more than any one present how seclusion heals...He also learned how much damage it can do too, both to yourself and your loved ones. While solitude and reflection can clear your mind, it is silence that is deadly confusing.
Both Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian look at Liu Hua, all too aware that one way or another, they are one and the same. And so it hurts to watch it. It hurts to see how much it destroys the teen they share their time with.
Liu Hua stops smiling, she stops complaining, she stops everything but what is necessary for her survival and her training. She sells talismans to earn money in town, keeping an ear out to know how efficient her work is, what it lacks, what she has to do better. She hunts to survive, small animals first to eat, then night-hunt then, to become stronger. She tests out flowers in the wild, sometimes going as far as proposing her service as herbalist in town to learn more.
But she never trusts anyone or stays more than a few weeks at the same place. She only stops when she hears about the Lan Clan. That, she categorizes every information in the back of her mind and stores it greedily.
She learns that Lan are righteous, that they appear where there is trouble.
Then all I have to do to lure Lan out is cause trouble. She guesses.
For months she tries to find a way to catch monsters, or manipulate them, so they can go where she wants them to be. So she perfects her technique of digging holes and making traps. Xue’s memories are very useful for that purpose, their cultivation path has always been to use their environment. Unlike most of the cultivation paths from the great sects, they develop the elemental part of their core. She learns that most of the other cultivators around don’t do that, except to enhance an array with their core affinity, strengthen their spell and spiritual weapon, or for divination purposes.
The Xue were mostly close to the metal affinity, that’s how, it is said, they were able to make the Stygian Iron that the Iron Yin is made of. They manipulate the element around with their spiritual energy. Leader was of wood affinity (or earth? She isn’t sure but it seems logical since earth gives birth to metal in the grand order of things). He could help vines and plants to grow faster with a little push. Just like the florist. When she went through the secret core forming exercise, she learned about her own affinity: fire. But she hasn’t been able to learn how to manipulate fire correctly. However Fire gives birth to Earth, that’s why she is so good at gardening, said the Florist. Maybe she could use this talent.
She remembers the red flowers poem, what the Florist told them. What was that about? Red poppy, red chrysanthemum (or was it red Lilies?), and no monster nor man can feel their energy?
“This can’t be good, the roads are dangerous for a young woman on her own,” comments Jiang Fengmian.
Liu Hua realizes that soon enough, when a group of men follow her in the dark night, she manages to lose them inside the forest, but the fear remains. That night, she doesn’t make a camp like she usually does, she hides on the tallest tree she can find and improvises a hammock. The day after her hair is sticky because of the sap of the pine she slept on. It would be easier to just cut it but she doesn’t have the force to do it. She disrespected her parents enough while they were alive, she cannot do it anymore now that they’re gone. So she spends the whole morning trying to save it somehow. After that event, Liu Hua hesitates to dress and put up her hair like a boy the next day, but then decides against it. She remembers Teacher too well, and how much gender mattered to her. She also probably died without being accepted by her family as she truly was. It feels wrong for Liu Hua to hide behind the other gender without meaning it.The fears still remain though.
Despite the risk for a young girl on the road, Yu Ziyuan is more worried by her half assed education regarding cultivation, she can't throw herself into every dangerous nighthunt, hoping to survive and come up stronger. This is not how it works, she needs a teacher to point out her mistakes or she will get bad habits. Some, like half hiding your smile behind your sleeve are harmless, but none are when you cultivate. It’s like walking with your foot positioned badly, maybe at first you don’t see the difference, but years later it will distort your spine and cause unnecessary suffering. Her cultivation path is nothing like they ever knew and taught around the world. Even her sect, the Yu Meishan who has made their speciality in adding sub-elemental propriety to spiritual weapons, regardless of the owner’s core affinity, is not proficient in mastering the elements. And the memories she earned from the Xue spell don’t seem to be enough.
Cangse Sanren looks as the teenage girl wanders alone in the world and worries, but not for the same reasons as her friends, while she knew the fear of being exposed and in danger on the road, as a girl on her own, it is the bitter cold of the loneliness that she remembers. She never quite could stand the overwhelming silence that came with it, neither could she erase it with her own blabbering. That led her to do many things she isn’t very proud of.
All of those reasons are valid, and somehow, Liu Hua ends up coming to the same conclusion, she cannot continue to wander alone like this. She has the Xue clan’s knowledge, yes, but it cannot replace a proper teacher, like a book is only a support to real lessons. So she does what every lonesome rogue does, she looks for a group to fit in. Many minor gangs are running after glory, so it is easy to find them, all you have to do is follow the call of a night hunt. That’s what she does.
The first one is completely blendable and forgettable but that’s okay with her. When they ask for her name she hesitates though. Liu Hua died the same day as her family. This fact is as clear in her heart as the difference between day and night. Part of her wants to be faceless, it’s the one that still has nightmares of the slaughtering, of the Xue being chased, hunted, of her family killed just because they were associated. It’s the coward side that wants to disappear and never be found again. The other part of her is furious, she wants her name to be a taunt, to tell her enemy “you missed, I’m still here,” and use it as a tool to lure out the enemy. This part plans to murder the ones responsible for her tragedy. It’s the one she listens to, because the coward can only wallow in her own misery and grief, trembling in fear, while the angry one makes her take one breath after another still.
So she answers the other rogue cultivator:
“My name is Xue Hua.”
The name rings right, after all the leader did say she had become an honorary Xue member right before he died. It had been her dream for so long, yet it does not bring any satisfaction either. It is just a reminder of all she has lost at this point, all she will never be and never have again. But it’s also the blade she will use to get revenge, so she clings to it as tight as the sword she found on the battlefield that day. It is her only lifeline.
Notes:
It's been a while but last night i had a dream where Wei Wuxian discovered that because of his strange state of "dead" being in a living body, empathy spell worked differently on him. People from the past could see his "ghost" self and interacting with him and he first saves XXC and SL by discovering it. It changes the presnet he is currently in but he still remains as "undead" Then the next time he is in the empathy spell with NMJ, and somehow he saves JGY by making sure they become friends again (he is kind of changing the past as he goes without having the full picture) which, by saving JGY and making sure he has friends somehow saves his life and the empathy spell breaks and he opens his eyes in his real body again before Jin Zixuan's death because he changed too much and he doesn't know why making NMJ and JGY friends again saved his life and his family but he is certainly not complaining. And the dream went like "now let's make wangxian confess" and i woke up. Sorry LWJ.
Also you might have noticed but i've changed the title of the fic !! The serie is now named "Home" this fic, the first installement is now called "Building a home". Next part will be called "Burning roofs" and if i need a third installement (i hope not) the title will be "Find your way back home." If i don't need a third installement this first part will be called "Find your way back home" as it fits the fic theme a lot UU
Chapter 91: Liu Hua and Lan Qiangsi - Part 3
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you're all doing well ^^ As for myself, i do. Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie worked extra hard to get you this chapter on time ! So a big thanks to the both of them <3 This chapter is like three time the size of the one you usually read...I hope you'll like it =)
This chapter's trigger warning are :
-Death (obviously)
-Murder (obviously too)
-Curse treated as deadly disease
-Betrayal / Abusing of trust
-Parental neglect
-Light bullyingBe warned !! If you feel uncomfortable do not hesitate to stop reading and wait until next chapter comes out with a summary. =) It's what i write them for ;)
Previous chapter summary --> Liu Hua tried to wait for the Xue at the flower field, hoping to be able to catch them on time. Unfortunately all she managed to do was being there when they got attacked and slaughtered. The Xue leader dragged her to safety, where the Iron piece was hidden, before the cave got sealed by vines. There, he did something to Liu Hua to make her an honorary Xue clan member, and asked Liu Hua to take the iron Piece and run away without looking back...But overwhelmed by the pain, he also realized that the Xue would never be safe as long as those who murdered them lived...So he ordered Liu Hua to write a curse array with him. Unfortunately one of them -because of the state they were in- mispelled some word and butchered the curse, which caused it to spread among the world and killing everyone who would think badly of the Xue, even once. Liu Hua didn't understand clearly, too shocked by the events. And when the Xue Sect leader finally died, she didn't obey, she wanted to save her family first. She returned to the camp, only to witness her family being slaughetred by masked cultivators. She fought the one who killed her father, and ended up in the river, almost drowning, and loosing the Iron Piece in the water. Yet she survived. For what. When she came back, all her family and friends had been slaughetered, all these was left to do was to bury them. She found a piece of clothing in her father corpse's hand. As she tried to cope with the grief and find someone -swore to avenge her family, she met with Xue Ann. One of the very few survivor of the Xue, since she hadn't been there during the slaughter. There Xue Ann told her what the piece of clothes was : a Lan's sacred ribbon. But the woman disappeared not soon after leaving Liu Hua alone once again. Furious, but conscious she was weak, Liu Hua promised to become stronger. She became a rogue and traveled around the world until one day she would be good enough to get to the Lan Clan and murder the one who took everything from her...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Liu Hua learns nothing in the first group of rogue cultivators she joins, except getting used to her new name, so she leaves after only a few months by their side. She is looking for a second one, listening to people chatting inside an inn’s main hall, when Cangse Sanren suddenly tenses up.
Yu Ziyuan frowns and Jiang Fengmian asks, worried:
“What’s wrong? what have you noticed?”
They look around, but the whole place is full of faceless mobs. Sometimes the landscapes and people are so full of details, the illusion almost perfect that you could mistake the whole place for the reality. But since the death of her family Liu Hua’s memories are getting blurrier and less precise. It has less color, it is emptier and duller, very much like her life. From the group she spent a year with, none of the cultivators had any distinguable features. The crowd here is no different, most of them are just shadows murmuring inintelligible background noise.
But one conversation is clearer than the others, it must be something Liu Hua is currently focused on, that had somehow left an impression on her.
It’s a group of cultivators they cannot see. They can hear two women’s voice, they are discussing about a nighthunt they plan to go when suddenly one of them rejoices:
“And here is my favorite dog and look, she even brought us drinks! Good job little puppy!”
“Of course!” Answers a younger voice, a woman too. The voice is a bit distorted but it does sound familiar to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan.
Cangse Sanren visibly trembles and whispers, her teeth clenching;
“Seriously?”
The conversation continues, as one of the woman exclaims:
“Puppy?”
“Ah yes, let me present you our new recruit to our group: Cangse.”
Yu Ziyuan’s breath freezes in her lungs and Jiang Fengmian looks at his friend, confused, but she avoids his gaze.
“Why do you call her puppy? Are you a thin—”
“Oh gods no!” Laughs the first woman. “There’s a story behind this of course. I met this little one while fighting fierce corpses, she was all lost and alone, like an abandoned puppy! And she knew nothing about cultivation—”
“I knew some things!” Protests Cangse Sanren. “I am the student of Baoshan Sanren!”
“Sure, and the immortal never told you what a golden net was!” Mocks the first one, obviously not buying it. “Well you wouldn’t believe what this girl did, I threw out my golden net and she caught it ! And then she brought it back to me like a tiny puppy, all happy and proud of herself while corpses surrounded us!”
The woman laughs and probably gets a young Cangse Sanren into a tight hug because there’s a very recognizable groan. She adds:
“Well I was lucky that this tiny dog could bite quite well, we managed to get out of there alive, but it gave me quite a scare! And since then she has been following me. I couldn’t kick it, have you seen her big puppy eyes? Besides no matter how fast I ran she always found me like she could sniff me out!”
“You said it was the game, that if I caught you, you’d teach me about golden nets.” Says Cangse Sanren. “And I won it! You suck at hide and seek.”
“That’s because you’re too good at it. Now, could you be a good little puppy and go fetch us dinner? I need to talk with my friend.”
“I will get it later. You’re talking about tomorrow’s nighthunt, right? Are you going to be part of it, nice to meet you and—”
Then there’s a sound of something bouncing on the ground, and the woman says:
“Oh no, I lost my chopsticks, go get it, puppy!”
There’s a long, excruciating silence.
“What are you doing? Go fetch it!” Insists the woman. “Come on you’re not fun!”
For a moment it seems nothing will happen, and then, suddenly a joyful reply resounds:
“I am fun. Who said I’m not fun? Woof, woof, count on me!”
The rogue cultivator women laugh louder, delighted. Cangse Sanren next to them, however, is closing her eyes and trembling, her face as red as a tomatoe. Yu Ziyuan has never seen her sworn sister’s face this red, not even when she teases her. The voices fade into oblivion after that, as Liu Hua decides that she will not join this group of cultivators and leaves the inn, if that’s how they treat their new member then she doesn’t want to be part of this.
Liu Hua continues her search and eventually finds a new group later on, but Yu Ziyuan confesses her attention is not on her anymore, she looks at Cangse Sanren and so does Jiang Fengmian by her side.
“Why didn’t you say anything? I wouldn't have called you a dog, back then if I knew—”
“To say what? Hello my name is Cangse Sanren, I like making people laugh, actually I like it so much that I let people treat me like a dog when I was a teen because I thought, hey it’s okay they didn’t mean it, and it’s better than being alone on the road! So please, don’t joke about me being a dog it makes me uncomfortable?”
“Of course if you present it like that it sounds ridiculous!”
“Then how should I have have I presented it?”
“Cangse—” Whispers Fengmian, patient. “Are you okay?”
She doesn’t answer for a long time. But the inventor must feels their gazes on her because she breaks the heavy silence with a nervous laugh:
“Aw don’t be upset about it, it's been a long time ago, as I said I was super young, I got out of the mountain and—well you know how I am when I'm not really okay, I start making self-deprecating jokes… And it made people laugh, and laughing means good. Laughing is comforting. So I didn’t think much about consequences until it was too late and I didn’t know how to get out of this circle because it felt like I was the only one being uncomfortable and everyone seemed to have fun so—”
She stops. She loves making people laugh. She is a troublemaker, she is delighted everytime she manages to pull a smile on one’s face. But back then suddenly she hadn’t and her young self hadn't known how to deal with it. It’s unfair of her to blame it solely on her company, she started the joke, she acted like a puppy just to get a smile and for them to like her. It’s unfair of her to point fingers and say they’re bullying her when clearly, they hadn’t known, she didn’t let them know she hated this joke and what it made her do. Cangse Sanren doesn’t like thinking about back then, about what she had become to please and fit in.
She takes a deep breath in, through her nose. It’s weird because she probably doesn’t need to breathe in this strange illusion, like one would not in an empathy spell, but she still feels better after the motion.
“Looks, it’s in the past, I don’t mind, it doesn’t bother me anymore. Did you hear me snap at dogs ? No. I like dogs, unlike my son. I just don’t like being called one. Not a lot of people do. It’s okay. I’m fine.”
“No you’re not.”
Jiang Fengmian surprises her by his firm answer, there’s no doubt in his tone, as he continues:
“I’ve dealt with people like that in politics, Cangse, they always mean it as a mockery, but manage to sound endearing or make you think you’re to blame for it. Whether you followed the joke or not would have changed nothing. It wasn’t your fault.”
It does help to hear that even if she isn’t this convinced, somehow it must be partially her fault, she started it, she annoys people on a regular basis. The conversation does make it seem like the woman in their group of rogues was all bad, but she really wasn’t. She was a good cultivator, worthy of respect and taught Cangse Sanren a lot, about cultivation techniques they didn’t use on the mountain, but not only that, she also taught her to value herself more, to not take the joke too far. She learned when to stop and when loneliness is preferable to company that makes you feel miserable. That’s a good life lesson. She likes to think it that way rather than another.
“Maybe, we’re both a little bit guilty,” She tells him, and Jiang Fengmian concedes her as a true mediator, only adding with a tone that would suffer no reply: “Maybe but she is just more guilty than you.”
Cangse Sanren only ever told this to Wei Changze. She hadn’t wanted others to know because she didn’t want their pity. It was embarrassing enough. Besides she had come to terms with it. Talking about it would bring it to the front and force her to face things she already confronted, like it’s new. She knew it would be uncomfortable for everyone. And she is right, it does. So because she made everyone uncomfortable with this scene, she can’t help but try to fix that with a confession:
“You know for a couple of months after I left their group, I was really scared to do it again, to be the one people would laugh at rather than with...But then I ended up meeting Wei Changze and you, and I followed you at Cloud Recesses and, well... “
She truly bonded with them. Not just people she would hang out with to fool the loneliness or people she grew up with, almost family that didn’t get a say or a choice about her presence, but real friends.
This scene is now a bad memory, one bad year lost among all the good ones of her life. It’s not that bad because it made her who she is today too. She will never have to play dog to get friends again because she is loved for who she is.
“That’s what I mean, when I say I’m fine now.” She tells them. “I know you would never do that.”
Jiang Fengmian’s expression is wonderful, so full of relief and gratitude. Cangse Sanren doesn’t know if he has the same one in real life, on his real body, but she has the impression he is bearing his true feelings out, raw and true. It confirms everything she already knows: that she is right. Right to trust him, right to like him and consider him as a friend, that he feels the same. She smiles, if a bit sadly, confident and safe around them. So she can’t help but tease:
“And we all know how my dear sworn sister reacts when I start making bad jokes. If I do it again I will end up in a pond before I can finish my sentence!”
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes at her.
“Of course I would, no deprecating jokes under my roof.”
And she adds, a bit shy:
“And if anyone calls you a dog, they will end up in the pond too.”
She is less frank with her feelings than her husband, always covering up with a bit of anger, as usual. But it doesn’t make it any less moving.
“I know,” Cangse Sanren says.
“We all have made choices we’re ashamed of.” Yu Ziyuan adds, as if somehow this truth would make them even, erase this embarrassing display they witnessed against her will.
“Ooh? What did you do? Tell me?” She jokes. “Did you hide porn under your bed, did you—”
She cannot finish her teasing, as Yu Ziyuan gives her a small kick. Her face is red, as she scoffs:
“You big idiot!”
“Aw, dog is not okay but calling me an idiot is fine? You should know, people call me a genius, I can’t be an idiot.” She grins back.
“You’re an idiot genius, deal with it.”
“But never a dog or a puppy!” Cangse Sanren smiles and the jokes stings a bit, but in a good way, like alcohol on an open wound.
Yu Ziyuan looks at her, all serious, and nods.
“Never.”
And Fengmian takes both of their hands, his lady’s and his friend’s in his, as he adds:
“Idiot, dog, genius...You don’t have to be anything that makes you uncomfortable. Just tell us, and we will understand.”
“Of course!” Swears Yu Ziyuan, a bit red, as if she just realizes it could be possible and is ashamed by not thinking it herself.
Cangse Sanren is surprised by the relief she feels, here, suddenly. She thinks, as she looks back at Liu Hua again, that among these awful, awful memories and tragedy, there’s at least one good thing that happened. But the scene is too sweet, she has to ruin it somehow, so she grins and hums:
“About that, I’m not sure I’m very fond of being thrown away in the pond, it was fun at first but then—”
“Really?” Mumbles Yu Ziyuan.
Then Fengmian sighs and she catches the teasing light in her sworn sister’s eyes. She blushes and spurts, ashamed by being fooled again:
“You idiot!”
And hits her sworn sister’s head just to make a point. Jiang Fengmian simply hums back and concludes:
“We will have to ask Changze to tell us for you, then. He won’t lie.”
“A pity we have to trust the one who has lying problems over her. But maybe you’re right, he won’t lie about his not-wife’s problems.” Adds Yu Ziyuan, rolling her eyes.
Cangse Sanren laughs as it sounds like a good deal. But then she stops abruptly. While they talked about her past they stopped paying attention to the world around and so the time went on, as strangely as it does during empathy. The landscape changed, they are no more in the inn and the day is bright again.
They are in another town and while landscapes are usually blurry now, one building is more detailed than the others. It’s a manor and its door is carved with a strange design, probably why it is so clear in Liu Hua’s memory, surprised by the incongruity.
It’s a chimera with elephant trunk, rhinoceros eyes, cow tail, tiger paws and a line of a poem.
Her heart beats faster at the sight and she rushes to it, unfortunately before she can reach it the memory fades and they are back on the road again.
“Wait!” She screams at Liu Hua. But the soul does not answer, of course. Her consciousness is sealed, maybe not even completely trapped inside the token yet even!
She tries to catch young Liu Hua’s body but her hand goes through the teenager. So she yells back at the sky, hoping to catch the disincarnated voice’s interest:
“I need to go back to this memory! What village was it?”
Yu Ziyuan frowns at her sworn sister, and Jiang Fengmian reaches out, worried:
“What’s wrong?”
Cangse Sanren’s heart is beating fast in her chest, despite not being physically here, it hurts. She isn’t sure, but:
“I think—I think this manor is the one I remember...My uncle-cannot’s door. I remember the carving I—”
She remembers asking what it was, and her uncle answers something with the tone of a joke, her mother rolls her eyes while her father jokes: “You cannot say that she’ll believe you!” And suddenly everyone was laughing for a reason she couldn’t understand, but since it makes everyone happy, she said it again. Uncle cannot say that! Uncle-cannot ! Her father sends a pointed look at her uncle and repeats with a big grin: Yes, uncle-cannot! Every time she repeated it, people smiled, so she did it, again and again and—
It was her uncle-cannot’s doorway. She is sure now. It was her uncle-cannot’s home and she missed it again.
Yu Ziyuan doesn’t get what happened, but Fengmian does. He knows about uncle-cannot, after all, it’s one of the first things Cangse Sanren joked about, when she learned about the Jiang Sect’s motto. He looks around and asks:
“My lady, did you see anything specific in the area? Do you remember something—”
But it’s no use, the place was blurry at best. Yu Ziyuan hadn’t seen anything. Jiang Fengmian feels like he has seen it before, the place seems familiar, but he is not sure.
“Cangse,” she whispers, worried about her sworn sister’s distress.
“It’s okay.”
“You don’t have to lie about it—”
But it isn’t a lie, sure it hurts to not have the name of the town, or any clue about it, but she remembered something important, she regained an old memory (maybe she had never lost it in the first place, it had just been indistinguishable until now). But most important of all she is now certain that this place exists. That this is not some pipe dream she clung to as a child.
This place exists. And so does her uncle-cannot. She did not invent him. He is here, somewhere!
If they do, then that means she can find them again. She has not many clues, yes, but it’s more than she ever had before still, so she can hope! She is an adult now, not a small helpless child with no sense of direction. She still has an awful sense of direction, but her not-husband is good at it.
If Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are still upset about her mental state, they do not insist any further. Together, they return their attention to Liu Hua’s past, Cangse Sanren is determined to not miss anything anymore.
***
Liu Hua’s life as a rogue cultivator isn’t very interesting, even the voice concedes it. Sometimes she points out techniques she used, pieces of knowledge she had from the Xue and that the rest of the world didn’t. It’s all for her sons. She also tells them about making camp, because:
“No one is going to teach you how to do it well in the Lan Clan.”
And it’s unfair because surely they would, but not as good as she does. She is a daughter of travelling merchants, nomads for one hundred years. They have no chance to compete against her.
But traveling with her is as depressing as discussing with her, Cangse Sanren realizes. There’s just always anger and grief. It never goes away, it’s her drive and strength, that allows her to move forward. There’s nothing else in her life, the girl doesn’t allow anything else to be. No comrades, no matter how long she spends inside a group she never bonds with them:
“Sometimes I wonder if you get that side from me A-Zhan,” The voice whispers. “I felt too much to put it into words and couldn’t spill my secret to anyone. I was scared, paranoid they somehow were related to the slaughter. I didn’t want to give them any control, to show any weakness and refused to let everyone in in case they would betray me later...and after some time...I forgot how to make friends. I stopped caring about others. I thought being alone was better than being betrayed.”
She doesn’t offer any solution to that problem, her tone is apologetic.
At some point, though, her wandering days end. It’s not like she doesn't know about the curse. The first time she heard about it it was because some elders from the Lan clan died from it. So she thought well you deserved it and smiled, if a bit scared that her revenge might be taken away from her.
Then it spread and did a lot of destruction to the Nie clan and some to the Jiang and minor sects. The Wen Clan leader died, Wen Ruohan officially took over.
Liu Hua found herself a bit lost and unsure, for her the curse should only punish the one behind the massacre and she realized how big it was. Suddenly, she understood that she did not have to fight just Lan Clan, but the whole cultivation world.
It’s a bit dizzying. As a rogue, she has the possibility to travel and see by herself how much misery it brings, so she does just that. She leaves her current group, deems herself strong enough to be alone and still safe and goes. She cannot ask to see a victim of a big sect, she has no reputation or social status, but minor sects are affected too. And some of them are desperate enough to let anyone in, hoping to find a remedy. That’s how she witnesses the curse killing someone for the first time.
It’s awful.
She gets out of the sect scared, nauseous and confused. Because that’s just awful, exactly as she wished it to be. The people who killed her family are suffering, just like they should...But she hates it, she feels guilty and awful and she doesn’t get why.
“That's just because they don’t know it’s karma hitting them, they don’t know why they are punished like this—” she whispers, the night after, trying to get some sleep, but failing miserably.
She hides under her blanket and repeats: They deserve it, they deserve it. She remembers the way the leader died, how her father was killed, and the corpse of her siblings. Liu Mei, cut in half. Her mother curled around to protect her belly. Her older brother, beheaded. Her little brother, drowned. She summons this image until she feels better. Until she convinces herself that it’s okay. Until anger finds her again.
The next few days she gets to another clan, with yet another victim of the curse. As the person lies on the bed, both Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan close their eyes. The scene is too similar, it hurts. It brings back their anger too.
Liu Hua returns to the same sect and this time requests to be introduced to the patient. She looks at them in the eyes, waiting for their reaction, when they say:
“Honey, this is Xue Hua, she is a rogue cultivator and knows a bit about medicine, she might be able to do something for you.”
The man’s expression tightens, his eyes widens, but he doesn’t say anything. Not until his family is gone, letting her alone to examine him. She brews him a potion and mixes it with tea. She didn’t lie though, she is a rogue cultivator and she does know some stuff about medicine. She studied under the florist after all, she has her way with plants. The patient takes it in his blackened and trembling hands but doesn’t drink it, instead he murmurs:
“I thought the Xue were all gone.”
Liu Hua says nothing but her heart beats faster in her chest.
“You missed one.”
Then with one swift movement of her wrist she sends talisman all over the room, sealing it and jumps on the man. Her finger finds a pressure point that hurts at the base of his hips, adding a little bit of warmth through her skin with spiritual energy imbued with fire and she pushes.
He screams and calls for help, but no one can listen. There’s a silencing spell on her talisman. She is good at talisman making. She dreamed about this, about having her hands on the culprit and how she would take her time with him. She is prepared.
“Please,” the man begs. “I have family!”
“I don’t, thanks to you!” She screams back. “Why did you kill the Xue?! Why did you kill the merchants too?! Answer me! Who is behind the massacre! Tell me or I swear I will make your last moments as painful as they can be!”
It’s easy to control him, he is weakened by the curse after all. And she is strong. So much stronger than him, powered by her anger. She has not used her golden core to purge resentful energy as she should have. She just used it enough to not be noticed as a demonic cultivator when she walked among other rogues and cultivators. She isn’t right now and so she lets the resentment go free.
The man spills everything he knows, surprisingly fast, he must sense that she will not hesitate. or maybe he thinks she is a vengeful spirit. She is, in a way, she is still breathing but isn’t truly alive anymore.
“I’m sorry! I just followed orders!” He tries to say first but she presses him and he yelps in pain and drops the act.
She doesn’t care about him being sorry, what does it change? Nothing. Her family? Still dead! She wants the truth! She wants to know why, why she lost everything! Who decided they were guilty?
And so he does tell. He tells her about a Lan teacher who told the great sects about the Xue Clan. How one of the Nie women from the main family branch was betrothed to Wen Ruohan, how she overheard a conversation with him and the Wen Sect leader, about their intention to find the Xue and get the Iron Yin. How the Great Sects reunited in secrecy, with only a handful of minor sects, to decide on what to do.
How they concluded it was best for everyone to get rid of the Xue rather than have them hand over the Iron Yin to the Wen.
“The Lan had scriptures with our ancestors’ warning: a Wen must never touch the Iron Yin, their blood is cursed! And so is the Xue blood, the Nie studied their techniques, it is similar to demonic cultivation—they were dangerous, they would bring disaster to—”
It’s true that the Xue knows more about curses than anyone else in the cultivation world, and true they would rather redirect outside energy rather than use their own, but to call it demonic cultivation? That’s a big lie! Even if it was Liu Hua doesn’t care about their excuses and how he sleeps better at night: he can repeat that until he feels better. She also tells herself lies to sleep without nightmares, but this man’s death, somehow she feels like it won’t haunt her. Not anymore. All her compassion vanished like snow under the sun's rays. There’s nothing left but pure anger.
She asks him for more, she wants names! Names! And so the man spills it, he gives her the name of the Lan Sect Leader and some name that Jiang Fengmian remembers as being worn by the head of Nie’s second family branch. Then he gives the Jiang Sect Leader’s name.
Jiang Fengminan closes his eyes and swallows a bitter feeling, one that tastes like disappointment. He is relieved it isn’t a passing thought that killed his father but also ashamed he participated in this massacre. How could he have missed it? He was young back then and his father didn’t make him actively participate in sect management before he came back from Cloud Recesses...but he should have noticed. Something this big, such a grand scale attack, it can’t go unnoticed, right?
But it did. Jiang Fengmian didn’t notice anything. Not about the almost-head-disciple that killed Xue Ann. Nor that his father accepted the slaughtering of the Xue and the merchants that sheltered them.
Yu Ziyuan also hears her father’s name in the list.
Cangse Sanren puts her hand on their shoulders and say:
“If your fathers took that long to be killed by the curse, it must mean they did it reluctantly.”
These words are a bitter comfort. Jiang Fengmian thinks he would have prefered his father be killed because of a spelling mistake in the array, innocent of the massacre. Yu Ziyuan however, is relieved. As much as it hurts it is fairer that way in her head. Her father did something wrong and so got punished for it. She hates it, she hates that she thinks of the man she loved and that raised her like this. He is not only this. He cannot be resumed to only this bad decision. But it helps so much to know. It also helps that in his stead, Yu Ziyuan would probably have done the same and met the same end.
As much as Liu Hua’s anger is legitimate, the Xue did try to give the Wen the Iron Piece. They were dangerous. It’s just the merchants weren’t. But everyone knows how it works in those cases, someone decides to be overzealous, the group follows, disaster happens.
After getting a list of names, Liu Hua is satisfied, she releases the man’s pressure point...And knocks him out. Then she does cut the ligament underneath the man’s tongue. She brews a new potion and gives it to the family, acting as if nothing happens.
“I’m afraid the curse has spread to his tongue, he might not be able to talk anymore.”
The family doesn’t take the information well, and chase her immediately, but the wrong is done. Given how trembling his hands are, the man won’t be able to write anything and tell the truth either. Besides, he will be dead in no time.
And this time he will know why.
Liu Hua returns to her wandering after this, armed with her list. She is saddened to see that a lot of the names are already dead, the Lan sect Leader, for example, has been one of the first to die, leaving his older son to rule in his stead. The Wen Sect leader isn’t on the list but is said to have died from the curse too and she doesn’t know what to think of this (does this mean the Wen trapped Leader FengXi?) She could go against the other sects. She considers it at some point but she looks at the ribbon tied to her sash and thinks twice. No . She wants to get the man who killed her father first. Then she will take care of the rest. She needs to know if he is already dead and if he is not, she will take his life.
She has made a mistake however, when she visited the minor sect, she told the family that the curse has spread. Not the disease, curse. The cultivation world hadn’t known that at first, they thought they were facing some epidemic. Now that they know it’s a curse they fight back .
She doesn’t know that of course, too busy to visit when she hears of someone affected by the curse. She passes herself as a doctor and examines them each time when she can. It’s not always the case, not every family trusts rogues. At first she seizes the opportunity to perfect her list...And sure, some names are added…
But then she realizes that some of the people affected by the curse don't react to the Xue name at all. They stare at her and her accusations like it doesn’t make sense. They are good actors , Liu Hua thinks, at first. But after three like this, and one disciple that is way too young to have participated in the massacre, she realizes the truth: they are innocent.
The curse is killing innocents too.
And she doesn’t understand why until she tries to redraw the cursed array from memory. The Xue Memory at the back of her brain burns as she analyzes it, filling up the knowledge she lacked back then to read it correctly. Then she comes to the same conclusion as Cangse Sanren and stares, numbly, at her mistake.
She doesn’t take it very well, she is sick the next few days, and tries to remember who did the spelling mistakes in the array. Not me! She denies, but she isn’t sure. She doesn’t remember well.
Part of her thinks: I didn’t mean it!, it’s not my fault! Another, bitterly clings to its hatred. So what? They are not innocent-innocent, if the curse activated that means they still wished the Xue’s harm at one point. They wished harm for a clan that is already dead and gone! If they didn’t participate in the massacre back then, maybe they would have if it occured now!
It doesn’t make her feel better, but sicker and nauseous and confused and she doesn’t want to think about it. She had been willing to become a monster to avenge her family. But...Not by her hand, she hadn’t sliced a throat yet, she just let the curse do its work until now and made them unable to speak. She reserved the murder to the one who killed her father only (she pictured herself killing more but she hadn’t yet, because her future is only this for now, avenging her family, she doesn’t see much past this). But this...if this curse is attacking innocent then- then…
She doesn’t want to think about it.
In her frantic panic, Liu Hua washes her hands multiple times by the river stream. That’s when she notices the mark. It’s a simple tiny black spot on her skin, a bit purpleish, much like a bruise.
But it’s not.
It’s the curse.
The curse’s rebound, Cangse Sanren realizes. Logically a curse’s rebound should hit the caster, the one who drew blood and poured the resentment into the scripture. But the Xue leader is dead and while Liu Hua didn’t give her blood or use resentment back then, she did write on the array too. Cangse Sanren didn’t know before today that it would be enough for her to be hit by the cultivation’s world answer. She isn’t an expert after all. She is not of Xue’s blood relatively speaking, but she is an honorary member of the Xue too, due to some spell. It’s an enchantment that stands somewhere between the one Cangse Sanren knows off, that most people use to transfer tiny bits of memory to another, and the one they are currently using, tying a part of a soul and their knowledge to someone. Maybe it’s enough to fool the rebound spell.
Liu Hua’s panic raises even more, she doesn’t understand at all! She doesn’t hate the Xue! She never wished them any harm—maybe she cried in the middle of the night and cursed the fact that her family was dead because of their bond to them, maybe she had been angry at Xue Ann for leaving, but she never blamed them for it. All her hatred, anger and resentment had been focused on all these faceless attackers, on this Lan man with a shortened ribbon! Not the Xue, never the Xue! So why?
Why is the mark on her skin?
“But maybe I did hate the Xue,” concedes the voice, “Maybe I had a passing thought about them, just a tiny spark of resentment as I blamed the Leader for the spelling mistake, or when I thought about my sibling...Maybe that was enough. Anger had been swelling inside my heart for so long, maybe I didn't recognize it for what it was anymore.”
But Cangse Sanren doesn’t think she is right, she looked at the spell, it works with resentment. Liu Hua isn’t a demonic cultivator but she doesn’t purge the yin energy with her core as much as she should, she lets revenge be her strength. If it was the curse, all these negative thoughts would pass through her meridians and attach to her organs, rotting it in a matter of days. She would be dead within the month. Somehow, it has to be the rebound and it has to be impaired by the fact that she is not the original caster. That’s the only reason she can think of that explains the fact she has lived until today.
She doesn’t realize she is speaking aloud before Jiang Fengmian intervenes:
“It makes sense, the curse rebound is not supposed to kill the caster at first, just mark them so people can know it’s the culprit. It makes the body bear the same marks and to some extent the same symptoms, but it’s slightly different, otherwise how would we know that he is the caster and not another victim? It becomes truly deadly only when the victim who makes the rebound spell dies full of resentment, binding it to their last will to get revenge.”
So the rebound curse only started killing after it accomplished its goal, getting rid of all the people who participated in the slaughter. That and the fact that most cultivators who died from the curse were from clans, most of them had performed the soul-calming ritual. It probably protected Liu Hua to some extent.
Liu Hua doesn’t get that of course, she knows more about curses, having grown among the Xue Clan, but how to protect herself from rebound? No idea, they never got caught before! She doesn’t even know that rebound is possible at this point in her life. So she tries to wash the mark off. It doesn’t work. She then tries to apply poultry and remedies, everything the florist taught her. It doesn’t work! She tries to cut skin and get it off.
It regrows exactly as it has been.
That’s when Liu Hua comes to the awful wrong conclusion that this is it, her days are numbered. She will die from the curse too.
With this comes a strange, numbing clarity.
In the end, what does it change? Not much. It’s not like she thought she has a future. She never planned on having her mind back. It is too late already, it is consumed by hatred and anger. She can’t bear the thought of being normal again after all she has seen, all she went through.
She has to take revenge now.
Even if she is not strong enough to vanquish the Lan Sect, she has to make her move. Because soon she will be dead. She has no idea how long she has left, the curse kills at a random pace, but she is not taking any chance.
She is not dying without avenging her father. Even if it’s the last thing she does.
And if she fails and gets killed for it, at least it won’t be because of the curse, it won’t be as an enemy of her parents and friends, the same way of their murderers. It’s better, actually, she decides.
So, after reaching that decision, Liu Hua heads to Cloud Recesses, her whole body heavy with dread, but her heart and head as light as feathers.
***
When she arrives at Caiyi town, the whole place is lively, and for a reason, Cloud Recesses’ year of study is about to end, disciples are almost at the end of their terms, ready to return home. Most of them are meeting their families at the inn, enjoying their reunion by celebrating and eating everything they weren’t allowed at Cloud Recesses. There are youngsters drinking, people chatting about their year with enthusiasm, and others, hugging and promising to write before they part.
Yu Ziyuan looks around, trying to spot her young husband’s silhouette in the crowd: is it the year before he got back to Lotus Pier? Unfortunately the whole crowd is made of shadows, faceless people making incoherent sounds that melt and mix badly together.
Liu Hua isn’t used to handling so many people anymore, she closes her eyes, clenches her jaw, and passes through them as fast as she can, taking a detour through the forest where it's calmer. She is considering her options at the outskirt of the town when she meets him:
Qingheng-Jun.
He is obviously returning from a night-hunt, walking with several younger disciples and discussing with a bright smile on his face. His robe is pristine white and blue, just like Jiang Fengmian remembers him last. Cangse Sanren however can’t help but feel the difference with the man she met at Cloud Recesses, three years ago.
Many things had been said about Qingheng-Jun and his crush. The official declaration is that he fell in love at first sight. Cangse Sanren who stayed a bit longer in Gusu than Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze (as it took her a bit of time to decide whether or not she wanted to follow them there and make her intention toward Wei Changze even more obvious) had heard about the tales. She even saw the man completely love struck wandering around the garden of Cloud Recesses, sighing and reading love poetry like a pining lover.
Maybe that’s what happened, as they are only in Liu Hua’s confidence, all they see is Qingheng-Jun reaching out for her, with a smile on his face.
It is one of the very few people who has clear features, all the disciples behind him lost in the blurriness of time. They can feel Liu Hua’s stepping back, her heart beating faster in her chest, scared to be caught so soon but also impressed by the man’s appearance.
“Good evening, is there anything I can do to help you?” Are Qingheng-Jun’s first words to Liu Hua.
“I’m looking for the Lan clan.” She tells him.
And the man’s smile grows wider:
“Then you are in the right place, welcome to Gusu, if you go a bit further up you’ll reach the stairs leading to Cloud Recesses. We are actually heading to it, would you want to accompany us?”
He looks beautiful. How can a Lan have such a beautiful smile when they are all snakes? Liu Hua thinks. They must hide their ugliness all on the inside. She gets her emotions under control and crushes those stupid thoughts.
“No, thank you I can make it on my own.”
“Actually, you might not, you need a jade token or an invitation to go past our protective wards.”
“Unless your name is Cangse Sanren,” One of the disciples snickers in the back, and Qingheng-Jun snorts, amused.
Liu Hua frowns, not happy to hear that. She had wanted to sneak inside and see what she could do, analyze the place and evaluate her chances. Qingheng-Jun must mistakes her expression for something else, because he adds:
“You seem troubled, if the matter is urgent, please tell me, I will speak to the elders and make sure you are welcomed as fast as possible.”
The words scare her a bit, no way she will speak to the elders -to her family murderers- without a plan. She backs up and shakes her head:
“No, it’s okay, I will—”
She doesn’t finish her sentence and rushes down the forest without looking twice at the man. Qingheng-Jun doesn’t call her back, but she can hear people laughing in the background.
Liu Hua doesn’t know what to do for the next few days, she wanders around the town and Cloud Recesses, trying to figure out the layout of the place. She sets camp in the forest nearby, her hammock on the highest tree she can find as usual when she doesn’t know the place well. As long as she can suspend an oiled cloth above her, she is good. All she has to do is hang some bells on the branch so she knows if someone tries to reach her while she sleeps. She usually campfires at the foot of the tree, lets the smoke get up high and warms the tissue suspended above. When it's time to sleep, she pulls out rocks warmed within the dying flame and puts them inside a pouch she keeps close to her the whole night, under her blanket. She can last a few months with this method, as long as it doesn’t snow. In all her time wandering she never let herself be surprised by winter, always moving to a warmer region before it. She won’t be able to do that here and she wonders if her savings will be enough for her to book an inn room. But she doesn’t want to wait until snowfall to avenge her family too...
The problem is she just doesn’t know how to go past the Cloud Recesses wards.
It’s strong, she tried to walk around it and find a hole in it to no avail.
Cangse Sanren rolls her eyes at her attempt, frustrated by her mistakes.
“Come on, it’s not that hard! Just give a push of spiritual energy to get access to the spell work and then analyze it—the Cloud Recesses wards are awfully classically structured their word play is the same! Just find the core sentence and find a way to play with their wording so you can slip past it and—”
She stops as Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian send her a disabused look. She scoffs, embarrassed. Okay maybe it’s not that easy for everyone.
Facing failure after failure, Liu Hua tries to think of a way to infiltrate Cloud Recesses instead. She may try to get invited for the one year study they set up every now and then, like the other little masters...But she has no statut, unless she illustrates herself in the region with a good deed there’s no chance she will be even noticed. Even then this is not even sure.
So she has to find another way. But what? The solution presents itself after a few days, as she wanders around the town, trying to sell her talismans, she stumbles upon Qingheng-Jun again. And the man recognizes her immediately:
“Oh it’s you!”
He immediately reaches out with a big grin on his face. The same beautiful grin as last time. She hates it. It rubs her the wrong way.
Jiang Fengmian frowns at the memory, and he asks his friends:
“Is Qingheng-Jun this beautiful?” He honestly doesn’t see how. He looks...Normal to him.
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes up and says “He is decent I guess.”
Cangse Sanren nods, “My not-husband is cuter.”
“Fengmian is more handsome than both,” Yu Ziyuan retorks and Jiang Fengmian blushes.
“My lady!” He blurts, embarrassed.
Cangse Sanren gives Fengmian a quick glance from head to toe and shrugs with a “meh”.
“Cangse!” He blurts, offended.
He decides to focus on Liu Hua again rather than the two wives who are starting to bicker over who is the most handsome male cultivator of their generation. He should have kept his damn mouth shut, he thinks.
Qingheng-Jun says: “I was worried when you didn’t show up at Cloud Recesses, I thought you had business to do with us, I hope then that your problem has been settled and that is the reason why we were robbed of your company”
“We?” She repeats, troubled by this old, yet familiar speech. It has been a while since she had heard it and her heart stings.
He blushes and caress his neck, embarrassed:
“Ah. I mean the Lan clan, of course, I… I was just talking in their name—maybe I shouldn’t have—”
Catching the exchange, one merchant laughs at Qingheng-Jun’s troubles and waves his hands at him:
“And why wouldn’t you? You’ve been doing a great job since your father’s passing, young master, get some confidence!”
Qingheng-Jun smiles again, but his body language betrays his embarrassment. Liu Hua however feels her breath catching up in her chest, the young master of Cloud Recesses, The Qingheng-Jun? She stares at him in disbelief, there’s plenty of people talking about this man, among the rogues, they say he is a pristine lord who dances with death during night hunts like she is an old friend! Not some sheltered young master!
Still, as Liu Hua stares at the man in front of her, an awful idea surges inside her head. Could she use him to get inside Cloud Recesses?
She should probably feel guilty to think that way but she does not, he is a Lan, why would she care about their feelings, when they didn’t spare a thought for her family at all?
Liu Hua doesn’t change her behavior right away of course, it would be too obvious, but when the young man takes a look at her stall and her talisman, she lets him.
“Oh? This is an interesting work! You’re a rogue? Is it why you wanted to see Cloud Recesses?”
Liu Hua takes the time to think of a lie, before she nods,
“I wanted to ask if it was alright for a rogue like me to wander in your territory.”
Qingheng-Jun blinks at that, a few times actually, as if it never occured him that it is possible to do that. Yet it doesn’t take him long to give her a dazzling smile in return:
“Of course! It would be unrighteous of us to forbid a rogue to help, as much as we try, we cannot reach every one, thank you for lending us a hand in protecting this land and its people.”
And then he gives her a short, deferential bow that leaves Liu Hua completely speechless and stunned. Mixed feelings fight in her chest for a while, before anger wins, as always. The hypocrisy! How can the Lan Clan act like gentlemen and tolerant saviours when they slaughtered her people? For no more reason than because they existed?! She is boiling inside when Qingheng-Jun raises up again and sheepishly asks her:
“Would you mind if I see you again? I’m curious about a rogue’s lifestyle.”
It takes a long, long time for her jaw to unclench enough so she can give him a polite answer, of course she accepts despite the fire burning in her veins. How could she let such a beautiful occasion pass?
And so the next few days, she waits for Qingheng-Jun to come back, always returning to the spot she saw him last. It takes some time, but eventually they meet again. And the young lord’s first gesture is to invite her for dinner in Caiyi town.
“I realize I don’t even know your name—” He apologizes to her and she supposes it’s his way to ask for it.
She hesitates, she hasn’t hesitated to give her name for a very long time. But she is on her family’s murderer’s turf. It is okay to lure enemies of the Xue with her fake name when she has the advantage of the territory, but here, one wrong move and she could find herself ambushed. Maybe it is not a good idea to say she is a Xue. But on the other hand it is the fastest way to make the killer come out from hiding if he is there too.
In the end, it’s revenge that wins, as always.
“I’m Xue Hua.”
Qingheng-Jun doesn’t react to her name at all, aside from smiling like she had given him a present. She is relieved, but kills this emotion with reason. It’s logical: Qingheng-Jun looks young, around the same age as her. He probably didn’t participate in the slaughter as he had been too young to even have a courtesy name. As she wandered around the world she realized that—aside from rare occurrence—the new generation doesn’t react to the Xue’s name. How could this be any different ? After all the clan is dead, why talk about them now? And the people who have a grudge against them are dying one by one because of the curse (even if they don’t know it), soon the only ones left will be those who never cared much about the Xue, hence they won’t teach their children. The Xue Clan is fated to disappear, heck they are part of the past already. This thought hurts more than she is willing to admit. They are not past to her.
“Well, my name is—” Starts Qingheng-Jun, in the present.
“You’re Qingheng-Jun, I know.”
“That’s my title, you can call me Lan Qiangsi.”
“I wouldn’t dare, our social standings are too different, it would be rude.”
And she doesn’t want to get attached. She doesn’t want to put names on people she is going to use and disregard, or kill if her revenge needs it. Qingheng-Jun looks a bit disappointed by this but he doesn’t force it. Damn, even his disappointed pout is cute. He is infuriating.
She forces herself to focus and seizes the opportunity to investigate further about the Lan clan. So she points out his headband:
“What is it exactly? You all had this on your forehead when I met you.”
Qingheng-Jun backs up a bit, as if to make sure she doesn’t touch it, despite the fact that her fingers are a few centimeters away.
“It’s our sacred forehead ribbon, it symbolizes restraint for us. It helps remind us all that equilibrium is found in moderation.”
Maybe they should have shown some restraint , she thinks bitterly, before slaughtering our entire caravan.
“And you wear it all the time?”
“Well, we take it off before going to bed, or with people we can let go of restrictions, like family or partner.” He says, blushing a bit.
It’s funny how his whole face gets entirely red, since he is wearing light colors it's even more impressive. When Liu Hua blush, only the tip of her ears get red, like her mother before her. She shakes her head to get the memory away and focuses on her duty:
“Even during night-hunts? It’s quite long, doesn’t it get in the way?”
“Moving with the ribbon tail always in mind is something we have trained since childhood, it helps us be light on our feet and move like we’re always dancing. It teaches us grace.”
She hums, he is certainly looking graceful, but she saw several disciples wandering around the town in the past few days, he is the only one that walks with such presence. So she doubts.
“And there’s never been an incident, people getting their ribbons stuck in a branch and cut during battle?”
Qingheng-Jun hesitates, then shakes his head.
“If there's been such an incident, I’m not aware of it.”
He seems to be about to add something, but then doesn’t. Probably a comment about it being shameful, she guesses, she heard Lan are very stuck up. So, he isn’t familiar with the man who lost a part of his ribbon during the slaughtering, she guesses. It will make things a little bit more complicated but she can still work with it. She keeps silent, deep in her thoughts, and Qingheng-Jun, probably embarrassed by it, changes subjects: he asks her about her life on the road and how it feels to always be moving.
“I’ve never left Cloud Recesses, except for a few night-hunts myself, but my teacher used to travel a lot and they told me so many stories about the road, I can’t help but be curious.”
She thinks if he was this curious he could ask merchants, they’re traveling too, and says so. The man blushes, and mumbles something about the company that makes her raise an eyebrow (thank goodness her blush is less evident than his!) She doesn’t say anything this time, she doesn’t want to scare him off.
For the same purpose she forces herself to share some stories with him, she has to crack her head open to find some happy anecdotes about her trips, as she didn’t pay much attention to anything, but eventually she finds some:
“Once, I traveled in a village and a commoner clan had a strange gate carved with a monster I’ve never seen before.”
Cangse Sanren holds her breath and rushes in closer as if it could change anything.
“Which village?” She asks.
But what Qingheng-Jun asks is: “What does it look like?”
Liu Hua describes the carving to him but gives nothing else. Cangse Sanren rolls on the floor near them exasperated.
“Oh, I think I’ve seen something like it carved on an incense burner in our Treasure chamber. But never in real life. What is it?”
“When I asked around the town, they told me it was a panda. ”
Qingheng-Jun burst out of laughing, but he is the only one. Jiang Fengmian freezes and Yu Ziyuan blinks at that, while Cangse Sanren feels like all air has left her lungs. They spent too many months helping Sisi and Wei Changze to ignore the word panda.
“Do you think?” Wonders Jiang Fengmian.
But Cangse Sanren doesn’t know, the incense burner, indeed now she recalls it, it has a somewhat similar shape as the monster carved on the door of her memory. Is it coincidence? What did Lan Qiren call it? She doesn’t remember. Damn, Cangse Sanren wonders if that’s why, as a child, she thought pandas were monsters.
They won’t know for sure until they find out where the gate is. Unfortunately the memory doesn’t care about what they want and Qingheng-Jun and Liu Hua continue their diner, ignoring their plea. It feels like they are drifting farther away from them, completely fading to the background.
“This is like in the empathy spell, we’re getting too deep into her emotions…” Murmurs Fengmian.
“Is it okay?” Inquires Yu Ziyuan.
“If it’s dangerous, Changze will take us out,” Cangse Sanren says, confident.
Still, she fights the exhaustion that weighs down her mind as best as she can. She needs to tell Changze about it! She—It’s a battle that is vain, she is slowly but surely overwhelmed. As they all close their eyes, they hear the low sound of the clarity bell, anchoring them and saving them from the resentment oblivion.
***
At the end of it the deal is simple in Liu Hua’s head, she gives him a few pointers on how the rogue life is and in exchange she manages to make him promise to show her Cloud Recesses. He agrees way too fast and she wonders how the Lan Clan can survive with someone like him at its head.
The doubts are somehow confirmed when, as they are paying the restaurant, one of the servers looks at Qingheng-Jun, his eyes wide.
“Young master, what are you doing here? It’s unusual to see you this late!”
“Late? What time is it?” Inquires Qingheng-Jun calmly looking outside.
The sky is still clear, but they are in the middle of summer, days are longer. The server answers the young master’s question and Qingheng-Jun’s smile twitch. He laughs nervously and Liu Hua blinks and he is gone, as fast as the wind.
“Hope he makes it before they close the gate,” sighs the server and in front of Liu Hua’s puzzled expression they explain: “They have a curfew.”
“He is an adult.” She points out, confused.
“It doesn’t matter to the Lan Clan, you have to follow the rules no matter how old or who you are. And they have only a bit less than 3000 rules!”
After learning that Liu Hua is hating the Lan Clan a little more. She doesn’t see Qingheng-Jun for a couple of days and when he returns he explains he got punished for being late.
“Aren’t you the sect leader?”
“I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m immune to failure, that’s why we have elders too.”
“Is it like that in every clan?” She fakes her curiosity.
“Well, no, to each their own. Even the concept of elders differs from one Sect to another. For example at the Nie sect, Elders refers to previous-generations of their side family branches, they deal with their uncles and cousins mostly. Jiang sect’s elders are former head disciples or representatives of subordinates sects. Jin Elders are cultivators who are helping paying the sect’s activities, the more you pay the more power you get—”
“What about the Lan sect?” Because that’s where her interest lies, truly.
“Well for us, elders are the one who are cultured enough, both in mind and body. Wisdom counts above anything else and they need to have good deeds under their mantle that proves their righteousness.”
She wonders what kind of good deeds are required, would killing her family have been counted as such? The thought awakens her anger, but she swallows it.
Once, as they walk through Caiyi town, their path cross some other Lan disciples and they eagerly surrounds her to ask her millions of questions:
“Are you the one our Sect leader is courting?” One brave boy asks.
Qingheng-Jun panics over this statement and she freezes.
“I’m not. We are not courting. I’m not interested in your young master.” She states, blunt and cold.
She is not using her charms to get her revenge, her soul cries. She is not. Even if he is cute and endearing, she will never. She can’t think that way or it will make her revenge harder to pursue. She can’t let him think that either . The young kids are as disappointed as their young master and one girl, brash and probably irritated by the rejection, inquires:
“Then what are you doing here?”
Fortunately, this time, Liu Hua had prepared her lies, she doesn't let it take her by surprise.
“I’m pursuing a monster.”
The best lies are ones that have a bit of truth, after all. Alas, she has been alone too long, and underestimates the curiosity of a bunch of kids that aren’t allowed to night-hunt yet. Immediately they want to learn everything about the monsters she is pursuing. She tries her best to give them vague answers. Qingheng-Jun remains silent during the whole conversation but at one point he interrupts his disciples and reminds them they have lessons waiting for them at Cloud Recesses, then drags her away.
“I’m sorry, I hope they didn’t bother you.”
"No. They didn’t.” She answers, refusing to look him in the eyes and give him ideas that she is flirting with him. And maybe because she doesn’t want to see his cute face.
“The monster you talked about…Is it dangerous?”
She hesitates, she tells the kids she has been pursuing it for years—which is true—that it escaped her every time and hides well, but she thinks he is around. It seems logical that the Sect Leader is worried about such a beast in his territory. She needs a way to make him stay away from it.
“Not to you.” She tells him. Which is also true.
“How? Is it some sort of vengeful ghost.”
She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry, if there is such a ghost here it’s her. But it’s the closest to the truth so she nods.
“He won’t attack anybody but me: he killed my whole family, and I’m the last survivor,” she admits.
Qingheng-Jun stops midtrack. A part of her is delighted by the expression on his face, until now he only sent her tender gaze and smiles. His eyes are big and innocent, he probably never faced any difficulty in his life, being raised as a young lord. Eyes like his usually don’t want to know about a past like hers, they avoid it at all cost and look away from the misery they indirectly caused.
Good, remember he is a sheltered young master that knows nothing. She tells herself. It will make him less beautiful.
“Do you need help?”
The question surprises her. It’s stupid, she probably shouldn’t be, not when she admitted pursuing a dangerous monster for years without success, not when the Lan clan claims to be righeous and that Qingheng-Jun has shown, in the little time she has known him, to uphold those values. But this is it, he is a part of the clan that murdered her family, he is the monster, how could she think he would help her to get revenge?
I plan to use you, whether you want it or not, to do that, she thinks. But a tiny, very tiny part of her is happy that he is offering to do it still. Even if he doesn’t know.
“You’re already helping,” she says, and again it’s the truth. She is going to use him. “You don’t need to do anything else.”
Qingheng-Jun looks confused, but like most people, when given the opportunity to step back, he takes it. Yet he still gives her a look of genuine care and sorrow. It makes Liu Hua’s heart squeezes with guilt. After wandering for years on the road, from a too young age, Liu Hua thought that by now, such a look wouldn’t faze her anymore.
But it does still. Or maybe it does because it’s from him.
Stupid, stupid, one boy who is good looking looks at you and you lose all your shit? She shouts at herself.
The moment is awkward after that, so she tries to lift up the mood without getting to a dangerous topic. She shows Qingheng-Jun how she camps and a few tips about the rogues’ way. He is interested in everything, but in her talismans in particular.
“When you wander alone you learn to prepare the field, install traps and other things as you cannot count on others to corner the beast.” She explains to him. “So you have to make a couple of talisman to trigger trap or lure the monster where you want.”
She shows him a couple of spells that are made to make a specific sound with what is available, she can make the wood of a tree sound like bones snapping or a piece of metal scream like someone being attacked or people dueling, of course. With her fire affinity she can trigger the trap from a small distance, way easier than anyone else would, but that she doesn’t say. She has to keep a few tricks in her sleeve after all.
He is definitely amazed by these small strategies, which are not even that impressive. Liu Hua wasn’t even the one inventing them, she learned it on the road from one group to another. She tells him so, (not that she completed and perfectioned some with the help of the Xue’s memories, though) but that doesn’t diminish his wonder, he smiles largely:
“That’s why traveling is interesting, you meet so many different cultures, and techniques! What else did you learn through your travel? Please tell me?”
And so she tells him. Again. And again. And he tells her about his life too, about the life in Cloud Recesses, and she tries too hard to convince herself that it is all a plot for her revenge.
When he tells her about the right side of the mountain that once caught fire, and was reduced to ashes, until his Teacher came and meditated for a full week in the middle of the burned land, imbuing the place with his spiritual energy, redirecting the flow of the Qi around to help heal the land. How Qingheng-Jun helped with his brother by watering the earth with their cold pond water, until, finally there was enough energy for Teacher’s array to work...until the whole forest regrew in one night’s time. She convinces herself she needs to know about such powerful Lan cultivators, so she can avoid fighting them.
She needs to know about the cooking there, because she needs to poison the one she seeks. She needs to learn about the spot near the magnolia tree, because who knows, maybe her family’s murderer likes to rest there…
Her lies make less sense with each passing day.
Notes:
I hope you enjoyed this part ; it's a little better than the last one, right ? ;)
This chapter had more infos about the spectators (Cangse Sanren, especially) than the previous ones. I've wanted to dwell a bit on Cansge Sanren's first year as a rogue cultivator for quite a long time and never got the occasion because this idiot hides things very well like her son and husband. But ow you got a glimpse of it ;)
And also another clue for Wei Wanyue and Uncle-Cannot.
I hesitated a long time wether or not Liu Hua would have a crush on Lan Qiangsi for several reasons... (one is me being ace and so attraction? Desire? yeah i'm not very good at that, but i'm not chinese yet here i am writing about a chinese fantasy story. But that's what researches are good for. I'm not very good at murdering people neither and yet i wrote about it. That's the power of imagination and compassion, being able to put yourself in another's head.) Well, in the end i did make Liu has a small crush on him for :
-Make the flash back less painful for readers.
-Make her life less hard too because she is suffering quite a lot
-I wanted a parallel with Lan Zhan and Lan HuanBe assured that i won't minimize Qingheng-Jun's canonical action despite this choice in the next parts.
See you next chapter =D
Chapter 92: Liu Hua and Lan Qiangsi - Part 4
Notes:
Hi everyone !! I hope you're all doing well =D
I'm very late to answer your comment, so i will post this chapter and immediately go do just that ^^ Sorry for the delay, i had lot of work and today my day was full because of a big online event/conference organized by my boss. Anyways, this chapter is the one where everything goes wrong, so be prepared for it =oit is also my favorite of the whole flash back XD I hope you'll like it. Fraudulent_Moose and Nashapixie did an awesome job beta-reading it as usual <3Trigger warning for this chapter :
-Murder (obviously too) / slaughtering (so read : murder of elderly, women, animals, children and minority too)
-Curse treated as deadly disease
-Betrayal / Abusing of trust
-Poisoning
-Parental neglect
-People being misgenderedBe warned ! And if you ever feel uncomfortable, skip it ^^As usual i will provide a summary.
Previous chapter summary --> While being inside Liu Hua's memory, Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan and Cangse Sanren made a few discoveries. First they encountered a young Cangse Sanren who had just got down her mountain and had still a lot to learn about friendship. But Liu Hua also passed in front of a very strange door with a carving that triggered Cangse Sanren's memory. It was her uncle-cannot door, the manor she has been looking for when she was a kid! And cherry on top of it? People called the creature on it a panda, apparently. This could be the clue they were missing for both Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze's family. Unfortunately, they couldn't discuss about it long, as the spell had been going on for too long. They gradually lost their consciousness and let their mind follow the tragedu of Liu Hua. Who discovered that the Xue curse has started to kill people...At first she tried to used the curse to find out the one behind the slaughtering and get more names, but then she realized that it might kill...innocent. She didn't have much time to regret though, as she spotted the curse mark on her own body too. She didn't know but it was the curse's rebound only. But she thinking her life had now a deadline she decided to go to Cloud Recesses and hasten her revenge. On the step of Cloud Recesses, though, she met Lan Qiangsi, the famous Qingheng-Jun and actual sect master of the Lan clan. She thought about using him to get inside the clan and get her revenge, but slowly she got blinded by his enthusiasm and gentle smile. So blinded that revenge plan slowed down drastically...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
One day Qingheng-Jun invites Liu Hua to a trip on the canal by boat and she accepts. There he asks her:
“Do you want to talk about them?”
“Them?”
“Your family.”
She doesn’t know what to say and he explains, clutching his pristine robes:
“I lost my mother when I was a kid. There’s a saying that in the family, a Lan only loves once and completely. Some say it’s a blessing from our ancestor, Lan An, that we find like him our soulmate and just know.”
Liu Hua wonders if he is telling her to coerce her into a relationship with him. If so it’s not going to work even if her heart flutters and her mind is flattered. Yet without a pause, Qingheng-Jun continues:
“Some say it’s a curse from the gods, as Lan An was once a monk at their service but stopped once he fell in love. Though I don’t think gods are so petty.”
“They were human once, why wouldn’t they be petty?” She says.
“I suppose. But they are supposed to have reached immortality and wisdom.”
“Well, I suppose it could be a curse,” She insists.
And if it’s not from the gods, it’s impossible for the old cultivator family to remain completely free of anything. They live fighting monsters and ghosts. There has to be some that manage to get to them, or their cousins throughout their history. Or maybe one of their ancestors played with the curse Xue FengXin mentioned once, the one about soulmates, and altered it a bit. She takes a peek at the knowledge from the Xue’s memory:
“Some curses can be inherited through blood and can last for several generations.”
The one that Xue Chonghua (Or was it Chongmei?) is still rampant in the Wen’s blood, and so is Wen Mao’s curse in the Xue. The Wen are fated to become crazy and end up like their past enemy if they dare touch the Iron Yin. The Xue are linked to their creation, forever attracted by the other for the better or for the worst. Though there is no more Xue to suffer from the last one, she supposes. She has only inherited their knowledge, not their ability to feel the Iron Yin pieces. What good are hundred year old tricks and tips to protect something she lost.
Qingheng-Jun shakes his head, “Whatever the reason is, after our mother’s death, father well...He was never quite the same. And he realized he couldn’t take care of the sect, us and himself at the same time so—”
He pauses.
“There’s a rule in the Lan Clan, that allows parents that aren’t fit to give their children into the care of someone else. Usually it’s the Elders who deem parents unfit, so he was praised for his wisdom when he called for help and proposed that my teacher took care of our education in his stead.”
For a short moment Liu Hua doesn’t know what to say, she assumed until now that, as a young master, he always had it easy. Saying sorry sounds a bit useless right now. She forces her traitorous heart to not feel sorry for him and to not want to reach for him and comfort him with a hug. They are not courting. At the end of her ropes, fighting with herself she mutters, angry:
“It must have been hard to hear people say abandoning you was the right decision.”
“I tried to convince myself it was only for a short while. The thing is, when we lost our mother, father couldn’t look at us in the eyes without seeing her and it hurt too much. So of course he didn’t talk about her as well. My little brother was too young when she died and people kept saying he would forget her. Sharing my memories of her with him, wouldn’t that hurt my father as well? Wouldn’t that be selfish of me to impose those memories of a dead person on my little brother so he could miss her with me? Besides it’s not because we share the same pain that we understand one another still. I didn’t know what to do and how to cope with all of it. Then Teacher spoke to me and said that if it was my mother's legacy that I was afraid to lose, then I should not be scared because she was with me still. In my every breath, in the way I walk, the way I speak, the way I think. Everything she taught me has an influence on my actions today, and if I keep her in my heart and think about what she would do, then it’s like she is still guiding me, right? And this tiny part of her that is still within me, I will show it to the people I care about. After all, this was the very reason why father hurt when he saw me, because she is here in my every move. If I help raise my little brother, inevitably, this tiny part of her will be transmitted to him too, and then to our children, and the children of our children. And as people are drawn to those who are similar to them, we increase the chances of meeting her again when she reincarnates. So the only job we have to focus on is to keep living until this moment.”
Liu Hua wonders if he expects her to give him her opinion, to be quite honest she never asked herself such questions, as she has been alone since she lost her family. She likes the idea of them being alive, or the Xue too, in the way she uses talisman and cultivates...But she also fears this, how could she face them again when she is letting their murderer run free? How could this ever be considered enough, when they were robbed their lives so unfairly and should be by her side?
“What are you trying to say?”
“Ah yes, I suppose I don’t make much sense, am I? Sorry I got lost in my story, I’m not really a good teacher! Well, Teacher also told me that day that if I had no one to speak to about my mother, they would lend an ear to me. As an outsider it won’t hurt anyone by doing so. I wanted you to know that if you want to speak about your family to me, you can.”
She must send him a weird look because he waves his hands immediately:
“And of course if you don’t want to it’s fine, I just uh—”
He puts his head in his hands.
“Gods I made things awkward…” He takes a deep breath and resumes, less flustered and more confident: “I just wanted to share with you the words that helped me back then and make sure that you know you can.”
She rolls her eyes at him, fortunately for Qingheng-Jun’s heart, their trip on the canal is just about to end, they reach the dock and she steps out of the boat, leaving him with a simple:
“I will keep that in mind,” to not fully reject it, but also not completely agreeing.
She thinks about it, that very same night, in her hammock. She is reluctant to use her charm to get into Cloud Recesses but at some point she has to open up to bond with Qingheng-Jun so he can trust her and let her in. Right?
Would that be so bad, to let him have his way with you? You want it too, her traitorous mind whispers. But it’s the same voice that tells her she abandoned her family, that she has killed innocents. This voice cannot be trusted. Should not be listened to. She won’t.
Liu Hua doesn’t have to tell Qingheng-Jun everything, or the truth. How would he know she lies? But a few anecdotes here and there would let him believe she is opening up and so—
His words ring in her ears and she rolls under her blanket, uncomfortable, again. The duty of the living, to keep breathing until you meet your loved ones again, in their next life. Surely, Qingheng-Jun’s teacher had been smart, giving a purpose to a grieving kid, a reason to train harder than before to reach immortality and make this pipe dream a reality. She doesn’t want that, even if her family were to reincarnate, they would be different, they wouldn’t be her siblings or her parents anymore. Besides she doesn’t think she can meet them again with her head high as long as she hasn’t killed their murderer...But the other things he said, how they are in her every move, the way she acts and the way she thinks...This is oddly comforting. This brings warmth in her heart, as she looks for this.
Surely, she can read music and has the perfect ear like her father had. She combs her hair with her fingers each morning like mother used to do when she was in a hurry. Liu Mei frowned in front of a math problem and she does that when a talisman is not reacting the way she wants. Years of wandering alone also pushed Liu Hua to whistle when the silence was too heavy, very much like her older brother. And it’s a bit embarrassing but when she feels alone in her hammock, she rolls her stuff around her sword and hugs it in her sleep, her little brother used to not be able to sleep without hugging one of his sibling’s legs or an arm too.
She misses them and the memory makes her cry like she used to, at the very beginning, but somehow, the tears that roll from her cheeks to her neck don’t hurt as much as before. A strange feeling bubbles in her chest, akin to warmth, the closeness of their ghosts don’t scare her for once.
The next time she meets Qingheng-Jun, a few days later, she tells him about her mother who used to sing while brushing her hair, about her brother who she traded wood cutting chores with, of her sister who was better at math than her, of her little brother who she fake-fought with...Of her father and their fight about her future. How he cared. It feels so good to remember them like this, for what they were in their lives, and not at the end, with only love and fondness.
Qingheng-Jun listens to it and beams at her stories, no matter how childish or casual it sounds. He treats them for what they are: treasures, and asks for more.
“Would you sing to me the song your mother used to sing?” He asks her.
She tries, but her memory is somewhat lacking, she misses a couple of notes and lyrics. But he states he knows this one and the next time he meets her, he brings a music instrument and fills the blank that time took away from her. They return to take a ride on a boat, and through the canal of Caiyi town she lets the music flow. She feels herself shivering, but not because she is cold, and she has goosebumps but does not feel scared at all. It’s a strange way to be.
Sometimes Qingheng-Jun also talks about his life too, she asks him to. After all she is here to get information on the Lan clan. She also says it’s unfair she shares her past but he doesn’t. So he tells her about his little brother, mainly...about his teacher often, rarely about his father and once about his mother.
“She knew her pregnancy was risky,” he says. “She still wanted to go through it. The day she went into labor she took the time to come and tell me and my little brother: “No matter what happens, I love you.”
He gives Liu Hua a smile, if a little bit sad.
“I didn’t get how strong her words were until I became a cultivator and went through my first nighthunt. When they are facing death not many people think about anyone but themselves. They are paralyzed by fear or regret. Not my mother: her last thoughts were for us, to make sure we would know what is the most important if she didn’t make it. She thought about our peace before her own.”
Liu Hua doesn’t say anything, but she thinks of her father’s last words. Maybe, maybe he did that too, maybe his last words were for her, as a wish, “You’ll be fine.” A prayer to calm his baby’s mind when everything was scary and hurting.
She likes to think like this, she...understands why Qingheng-Jun clings to his mother’s memory, it’s comforting to know your parents loved you more than their own life. She tells him a bit about that and he smiles:
“Maybe that’s what parenting does to people.”
His eyes get a little duller and she guesses he must think of his father, who didn’t get the parenting upgrade from what she gathered. The man died from the Xue curse a few years ago, so he was probably a bastard through and through.
Eager to go on a safer subject (and not just to make him smile again) she tells him next about the Florist, the game she had with the old lady:
“In exchange for her lessons, she wanted a flower or a poem. Flower always had to have roots, so she could replant it, otherwise she didn’t want it. And for poems, it had to not be a classical poem, but one I wrote. She wrote some too, mostly to remember some lessons.”
She recites the poem about lillies, poppies and chrysanthemums. The plants that, when planted together, disturb spiritual energy. She doesn’t tell him that part though.
“Do you like poetry?” Qingheng-Jun wonders.
She gives the idea a thought, and admits:
“I suppose I ended up liking it thanks to her.”
“Would you recite to me one of your creations?”
She blushes as she shares with him the first poem that comes to her mind: it’s a text about a frog's cry that breaks probably every classical rule. Still he grins amused and tries one too. Somehow his poem ends up worse than the one she made up at 8!
“How can you be so bad at it?” She giggles.
He smiles too and admits: “Well, I never had to make a poem before, I only had to learn them!”
“My teacher used to say: classics should be learned, but as a foundation for your own—”
“—your own reflection!” He completes. “That’s what my teacher says too, but I don't know, I’ve followed this rule for politics and strategy, but never thought about using it for poetry. ”
“Well, it’s a pity! You should have!”
She blinks when she catches Qingheng-Jun’s staring at her, and shakes her head:
“What?”
“That’s the first time I hear you laugh, it’s a lovely sound.” He states.
She freezes up and yet her body manages to feel as hot as magma.
“I didn’t laugh.” She defends.
But she did laugh. The mood crashes and she asks him to shorten their trip once again. On her way back to her campement she repeats her lies again and again. She is not enjoying her time here, with him.
She doesn’t like spending time with Qingheng-Jun. She is not lusting after him and she is definitely not liking him. She cannot allow that. It hurts on too many levels. She thought she had grown immune to pain, that this feeling had long been devoured by anger, but she finds out she isn’t.
Being with him forces her to see her trips as something more than wandering, first he points out memories and asks was it fun? was it beautiful? And then she has to face it and admits, yes it was fun, yes it was beautiful. Despite the fact that she doesn’t want it to be. She shouldn’t be allowed to have good memories, her parents, brothers, sister, friends and family are dead, they won’t ever be anything anymore. It feels right for her to be the same, she should have been killed alongside them after all. Yet she is not, she is still breathing and here, by his side. For a small moment that feels lost in time, before loss and tragedy, she can see who she used to be. Who she could still be. The future that once looked barren and not worth living is suddenly no longer so distant.
She hates that. She hates how he makes her feel like there’s more to life than anger and hate, than revenge, without even knowing he does. She hates his stupid smile that is so damn beautiful. How dare he? She is not letting a pretty face deter her from her revenge!
And now he made her remember them, her family, the Xue, in a way that doesn’t hurt, in a way that she is just content with. Every memory of them used to fuel her anger, not appease it. She shouldn’t keep in mind the way their small dinner around the tabled looked like, felt like, the knowing glance she exchanged with them when another said something stupid and the way they pushed the dishes they didn’t like on the other’s plate. She should see only how they ended, terrified and alone, because that’s the reality, that’s what matters. Someone took them from her and there will never be any more dinner together!
She hates being with Qingheng-Jun because with him she is the closest from what she used to be back then. And she doesn’t need this girl, she was weak, ignorant, disrespectful. She needs to be strong, strong enough to be a monster and kill, kill, kill.
How can she kill anyone if Qingheng-Jun looks her way like there’s still hope of a future for her?
She avoids the Lan Sect leader for a couple of days after this, but he ends up surprising her once again. He knows where she camps after all, and so one evening he waits for her there, with a pack of flowers in his arms.
“Red lilies, poppies and chrysanthemums. Like in your poem.”
She blinks at the gift and looks at the roots hanging still from it. He catches her stare and explains:
“I thought you might want to replant it, like your teacher used to do.”
She doesn’t know what to say. She caresses the flowers carefully, as if it could wither under her poisonous touch. She could use it for her revenge, plant it and lure her target on the field, where he would have to fight without spiritual power’s help. It is a great plan, a good opportunity. She doesn’t understand why it hurts so much to think about it now.
Or more accurately, she knows, guilt tightens her throat. She looks at Qingheng-Jun once again and whispers:
“Take it back.”
What she means is: don’t let me use you! He looks confused at her and asks:
“Do you not like it?”
“No.”
She loves it, that’s the whole problem. She will find another way to infiltrate Cloud Recesses. Qingheng-Jun is a bit embarrassed, but he nods and puts the flowers back on the ground. Yet he doesn’t give up and pulls out something from his pocket, their fingers brush when he hands her something and she feels herself feel faint at the touch.
“Then I hope this will be okay instead.”
He gives her a jade token. It’s pretty and precious, but she doesn’t understand the gesture until he adds:
“This will allow you entry to Cloud Recesses. You patiently answered all my questions and amused me without complaining for two months now, but I have yet to show you anything of my home. I...I thought it was time for me to keep the end of the bargain…I’m sorry it took so long but I can’t let people in if we don’t know a bit about them before.”
This is everything she has been waiting for.
How could she say no, when it lies so easily inside her palm? Liu Hua spent years wandering as a rogue, all for this moment, to become strong enough and be able to take revenge on her family. Strong enough. Yet she never felt so weak, as she lets the lie slip through her lips:
“Thank you,” she whispers, forcing a smile and curling her fingers on the jade token.
Qingheng-Jun blushes and hesitates for a moment, before he straightens his back:
“Though before admitting you to our clan’s home, I will have to ask you to promise to behave. We have rules on our ground and everyone has to follow it, even guests.”
She nods, mesmerized by the jade in her hand, it feels like her heart has turned into stone too, it weighs so much in her chest. But she makes a vow she knows first hand she will betray:
“I won’t cause any problem to your clan.”
He smiles and says, confident:
“I know.”
But he doesn’t. He truly doesn’t. And she is going to break his heart. Her anger whispers that he started first, he broke her family, her life, her happiness, once upon a time. But it’s not Qingheng-Jun who did. Yet she cannot let go of her purpose for him, she just cannot, not when the ghosts of the Xue weigh her every step. When she is so close!
Well, they are just going to both be hurt, she concludes. As if it’s of any comfort, to know that it will hurt me as much as I will hurt you, she thinks bitterly. She holds his gaze and makes the promise to try to let this be as painless as she can manage. She will not give him the hope of a relationship, she will try not to get caught after the murder and use the excuse of wandering away to disappear from his life after it. He will forget her, she can do it. She can spare him and still get her revenge.
And everything you taught me these past few months, I will take it with me and cherish it, close to my heart, just like the ghosts of my family.
She finds peace in this new resolve.
***
The first time Liu Hua enters Cloud Recesses, she is amazed by the serenity of the place. It’s like a completely different world, at the end of the stair there is Caiyi, buzzing with activity and at the top...At the top everything is silent, you can only hear the low rumble of the waterfall in the background, the sound of nature, chirping away. The whole place smells of books and fresh snow.
It smells like Qingheng-Jun.
Except, unlike him, she knows first hand that this place hides ugliness, this is only a cover, under all this glitter there’s a demon and she will find him and kill him. Maybe then, she will be able to appreciate the place for what it truly is.
Deep in her soul, though, Liu Hua knows that even then, she won’t be able to stay. Once her hands are bloodied she will be the stain that should be removed. She will have to say goodbye to Qingheng-Jun and disappear from his life, like she promised herself she would.
Qingheng-Jun always managed to look free when he met her at Caiyi, until now. However the moment he steps in Cloud Recesses with her, within minutes he is called away. Of course he apologizes for abandoning Liu Hua. She says it’s okay, she can take care of herself—actually she is relieved he won’t be by her side while she looks for the murderer. It makes things easier. She will not gaze at his hands and think what if I reach out? It’s for the better, she is weak, so she best avoid any temptation. She will focus only on her revenge with him gone.
What doesn’t make things easier is the teenager boy with a half-grown goatee that takes his place and follows her footsteps, like some sort of shadow. He must not be even 20 years old...
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Are you Xue Hua?” He asks her.
“I am. I see you know my name but I do not know yours.”
“I’m Lan Qiren.”
So he is Qingheng-Jun’s little brother. It’s funny how two siblings can appear so different, when Qingheng-Jun is all smiles and light, this one is rather...grumpy. But she is not one to judge, she was a grumpy teenager too that has grown into a grumpy woman.
“Nice to meet you, Qingheng-Jun often talks about you,” she comments.
“And he often talks about you too.”
Somehow it doesn’t sound like a good thing, the way he spits it, and he indeed clarifies the thought:
“If you aren’t interested in my brother you should tell him.”
“I did. I made things quite clear with him. I’m not interested.”
It’s less true than the last time she said it, but she manages to not let it spill into her tone. She is interested but she won’t act on it, so it’s as good as true. The clear statement seems to appease Lan Qiren whose lips curve up, then down.
“Then please don’t play with his heart.”
Then without further addition he is gone. What a protective little brother, it is almost cute. She wonders, if her own siblings had lived long enough, would have they reacted the same to Liu Mei and her suitors? She wants to believe they would and that Liu Mei and her would have been angry at them for it. Surely, they should be able to trust their own sisters’ taste. Beside they would have loved Qingheng-Jun, no one can resist him. It takes a couple of steps to realize where her thoughts lead her and she blushes. Suitors?! Qingheng-jun? Never! She can’t see him that way! She can’t, she just promised! And he is a Lan. Lan killed her family! She is going to betray him! She is not one to fall in love, she never was. She never will. It is merely attraction, loneliness. A crush at best. A crush that she will crush!
She isn’t going to love anyone, let alone marry and build a family. It was Liu Mei’s and Liu Huo’s dreams, and they are dead. She will kill their murderer and become a monster by doing so. Nobody likes monsters. Not even the ever so popular Qingheng-Jun, who only shows them respect and mercy.
She pushes the thought away and continues her investigation. She fakes interest in the library to spy on the people here, the next day she asks if she can sit in the meditation room, the next day the music room...She speaks a little bit to everyone she meets, trying to be the most polite possible despite her rustiness.
No one reacts to her surname Xue. No one has a clear cut forehead ribbon for all she has seen. Has he been killed already? She doesn’t know what to think of the relief that pours into her chest. Neither the faint feeling that she won’t have to betray Qingheng-Jun nor leave then. It should not be what she cares about. She should not feel this way, so she ignores it and inquires about the curse.
“Why are you interested in it?” One elder asks her.
“As you know, this one is nothing but a rogue, which allowed me to travel and meet a lot of people who were cursed. I am trying to find a pattern and a cure to this affliction but for that, I need to see every case I can.”
The lie makes sense, but the elder tells her he can’t let her see the person that is sick since it is still possible this is a disease and contagious somehow. However, he is willing to let her speak with the head-healer. So she meets the man as soon as she can. It’s an old man, who relies on his tiny assistants for everything it seems. Poor kids are running left and right to his every whim.
“Bring me the report,” he orders a young girl.
A few minutes later they hear a loud sound, a tiny yelp and the shelve containing most of the medicinal herbs fall.
“Again?” Complains the old man.
“I’m all right!” The girl squeals.
“I know you’re alright, but the medicines are not! It’s all mixed up now!”
“I’m sorry, I will clean right away—”
A young boy takes the fallen report on the ground and brings it to the head-healer.
“I will help her clea—”
“No, Lan Shun, I would rather have you help our guest with the reports. Make sure she finds everything she needs.”
That’s how Liu Hua ends up reading dozens of reports with the help of a kid. To be quite fair he is efficient and answers every bit of her questions. The rumors didn’t lie, the Lan clan did suffer greatly from the curse, at least thirty people died from it: their previous sect Leader, Qingheng-Jun’s father, but also a few elders, teachers and disciples, both inner and outer ones. There are only three persons still living with the curse at this moment, two are in the last phase of the disease, on their deathbed, one is doing okay and has been harbouring the mark for three years already, without it progressing much. Liu Hua theorises it’s probably because he is among the innocent people who didn’t participate in the massacre, she made the calculation and he would have been 15 years old if he were.
Unfortunately in those reports there’s no way for Liu Hua to know if the forehead headband of the deceased were damaged or not.
She dares asks:
“What happens to Lan’s Sacred headband when one dies?”
Lan Shun stares at her, a polite smile on his face even though his eyes seem to say “that has nothing to do with the curse and our current research”. He still answers:
“When one dies, the sacred headband is either buried with the body, cremated with it or given to the deceased’s family.”
She certainly hopes the one she is looking for hadn’t been burned with it.
“What do you do when there’s several family members who want it? Do you cut it?”
Lan Shun seems offended by the very idea and shakes his head:
“This is a matter that should be settled within the grieving family if the owner of the headband didn’t do it himself before their death.”
So she supposes it’s a no. Depressed by her failures, she wanders in Cloud Recesses, her heart heavy in her chest. She clings to the ribbon, hidden inside her robe, and caresses the smooth fabric, wondering where are you?
“Xue Hua!”
Qingheng-Jun finds her as she sits under the magnolia tree, he doesn’t run to her, but he walks fast and offers her a blinding smile. It should not be allowed. With their almost 3000 rules can't they fit “do not look this gorgeous” or “do not walk under the magnolia tree with someone that will betray you and is trying very hard not to love you but it’s hard when flowers are dancing all around your face like some magic spell” and god damnit! There should be a damn rule! She is not in love. It’s a crush. It’s a damn crush!
“How do you find Cloud Recesses so far?”
“You’re—” She breathes in and gets this under control. “It’s beautiful.”
And tiring, too, as all her hatred and resentment of the past few years is swirling inside of her without finding any target. It’s frustrating because maybe, she harbored those emotions when her family had already been avenged. She feels empty and deflated, without an aim. She doesn’t want to be relieved. She doesn’t want to look at Qingheng-Jun and thinks maybe, so soon. But she still does. She is frustrated at herself and her weakness.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t stay and show the place to you,” apologizes Qingheng-Jun unaware of her state of mind.
“Don’t be, I know you are the Sect Leader, I’m sure you have a lot of duties to attend.”
“I do, and I admit I avoided a lot to see you the past months...I was scolded for it and when my teacher got their hands on me, they made sure I couldn’t leave without finishing all my paperwork. They almost slept in the same room as me to make sure I couldn’t delay it further! Oh! By the way, I want you to meet them!”
“Them?”
“My teacher!”
There’s a pig snort behind them.
“We shall speak of how you introduce me to your friends, Qiangsi.”
“Teacher!”
Qingheng-Jun’s back straightens immediately and he steps away to let a man appear. Liu Hua raises to her feet too, to bow and salute him correctly. She didn’t get much about him, except that this man is like a father to Qingheng-Jun and his brother. And so he is partially responsible for raising the man she came to appreciate.
He looks, not old, but not young either. His eyes are tired, if halfway turned into crescent, half-smiling. His hair is greying, too, but his complexion is good, without any wrinkles. He is strangely familiar, but she supposes it’s because of his expression, it’s similar to Qingheng-Jun’s. Despite them having no blood ties (or very loose ones), there’s an air of likeness around them.
“It is nice to finally meet you, I wondered who would be so amazing that it would lure my student away from his duty like that.”
“Teacher!” Complains Qingheng-Jun, blushing, and Teacher snorts again before his gaze returns to Liu Hua.
“But I’m afraid he hasn't told me your name yet.”
Liu Hua bows low and says, almost on reflex:
“This one goes by the name of Xue Hua.”
There’s a sound, almost imperceptible, of one holding their breath for an instant. She would have missed it if, for years, she hadn’t been on the edge, waiting for it each time she had given up her alias. She immediately looks up and stares back at the man before her. But his expression shows nothing, instead he says:
“That’s an unusual name, but quite lovely.”
Liu Hua’s eyes fall on the man’s headband, that is floating in the wing behind him. One tail is shorter than the other, cut clean. Her blood freezes in her veins. For a moment all she can hear is her heart beating fast in her chest, and her mind denying, screaming No. Not him! Anyone but him! Maybe it’s just the way he tied the ribbon that makes it look like that, maybe—But no, a new gust of wind makes it evident that it is not the case, she can see the ribbon and the way the bout is slightly curling inward, like skin that had dried out with time.
She feels herself shaking as she talks, by automatism:
“May this one ask for your name?”
What is the name of my family’s murderer? Her anger roars.
Teacher’s expression softens and Qingheng-Jun steps up:
“Ah, names...huh, it’s a bit complicated, I would be grateful if you could just call them Teacher and maybe, also...use they—”
But Teacher raises his hands to make him silent and says:
“There is no need for us to complicate things, you may call me Lan Ziqian.”
“Complica— Teacher ,” repeats Qingheng-Jun in disbelief, but Liu Hua doesn’t spare him even a glance.
Ziqian. Lan Ziqian. This is the name of the man who took everything from her, then.
“Teacher Lan Ziqian,” she repeats aloud, testing the way it rolls on her tongue, it tastes like a poisonous herb.
“Lady Xue Hua,” he repeats, and maybe it’s an impression but she hears the acid in his tone too.
She found him. She found him.
But why is he not cursed? She looked at the register, his name is not on the list. No matter. He must have kept it secret from everyone else. He is here, and he will be dead soon enough.
“What happened to your forehead ribbon?” She dares ask openly.
Qingheng-Jun looks at it, and lets a small “Ah” she looks at him too, because he told her he didn’t know anyone whose ribbon had been cut short, and yet— yet. He must feel her anger in her gaze because the Lan Sect leader shakes his head:
“I didn’t lie to you, Teacher didn’t loose a part of their ribbon because of an accident during a fight—”
“What is that?” Asks Lan Ziqian.
“When I met her, she wondered how we could fight without our ribbon getting in the way, so I told her no, of course—”
“Then what happened to yours?” She insists.
Lan Ziqian looks at her, his eyes narrowing. He doesn’t answer. Qingheng-Jun does:
“It’s a sad story. You remember what I told you about the Lan only loving people once? Well Teacher lost his loved one and they couldn’t bring their corpse to be cremated here at Cloud Recesses so they cut their ribbon short so a part of them could stay by their side.”
Liu Hua thought she had been furious before, the past few years, as furious as one could be. Yet as she hears the story, this utter lie, she feels her blood turn into fire, her saliva is acid in her mouth, she wants to gag and spit, she wants to scream and nail the man’s tongue out of his damn mouth for daring to insult her father’s memory. Her father! His loved one?! It is not enough that he murdered him, he must also deny the fact that father loved his wife? That he would dare betray her and their children for who? Lan Ziqian?
“Is it true?” She repeats.
Lan Ziqian closes his eyes and sighs.
“This is a personal story I would rather not talk about with you,” Then he turns to his student and adds: “You should not share stories that aren’t yours to strangers.”
“I’m sorry Teacher, but this is what everyone talks about, what father—”
“And if everyone jumped off the cliff, would you think it’s smart to do so too? Let people say what they want but do not participate in the slander, you should not speak of what you’re not sure is true. You are the sect leader, your every word has more weight than theirs and so more impact, you cannot afford to spread falsehood. You should be above gossip.”
“I understand, this one apologizes.”
Lan Ziqian smiles and pats his head.
“As long as you understand. Maybe I will tell you one day if you’re curious.”
“I’m not curious.” Protests Qingheng-Jun. “It’s against the rules.”
“Curiosity on other people’s business is forbidden, but curiosity in studies is encouraged. Besides, all types of curiosity is necessary for a Sect Leader.”
Teacher turns to Xue Hua and bows slightly.
“I am afraid I must go, but I will gladly meet you again. I suggest you head back to your camp too, or else you will be stuck here for the night and that would send a wrong message to the clan elders. There’s too many people saying you two are courting.”
“We’re not courting.”
“I know. Qiren told us you were quite clear about it.”
At that remark Lan Qiangsi lowers his eyes, as if he has been taken red handed. Teacher doesn’t insist, he turns on his heels and walks away, leaving both of them speechless. Liu Hua barely hears Qingheng-Jun when he proposes to escort her back, her whole being focused on Lan Ziqian. The murderer. Though, as she walks down the stairs with him, slowly but surely, her emotions settle. The flames of hatred leave her bruised and burned, as she realizes what this means.
Qingheng-Jun’s teacher is her family murderer. There is no way to spare him any pain. Not now. Not anymore. No matter what she does he will suffer. She will break his heart and take away from him the man who raised him, the man who he looks the most after.
She thinks back of what she promised, so many years ago, at the bottom of the pit, while the pain and grief was at its worst. She vowed that killing the man would not be enough, that she would rob him away of all his happiness, take away what he cares the most, destroy everything he built and was proud of.
Liu Hua looks at her right and catches a glimpse of exactly that, Lan Qiangsi, Qingheng-Jun, the sect leader of the Lan clan, the man who people praise for his talent and his sympathetic nature. The man who smiled at her and forced her to see beauty in the world again, to find joy in the old memories that only hurt before. The man who looks at her right now, that is so naively beautiful and kind, and suddenly stops and stares, worried:
“Xue Hua? What’s wrong?”
His hand brushes her cheeks. She represses a shiver. It’s calloused, it’s the hand of a fighter, of someone who trains hard everyday and has a firm grasp on his blade, yet it’s so tender right now, as smooth as the bloodied sacred ribbon she keeps hidden close to her heart.
So far she held it back, but the moment he touches her, she hears the crack of her soul, of her composure, her mask. And all the feelings she can’t name, the emotions she cannot allow herself to feel are pouring down her face.
“What’s wrong? Is there something I can do to help?” He worries.
“Nothing, it’s nothing I'm just tired, and I—”
He shouldn’t look at her with such concern, because she won’t return it. Ever. Now she knows. He has done enough. She wishes she could learn how to love like he does, so freely, so completely, so utterly and naively. She wishes she could be the person he thinks she is. What makes him think she is so special? What makes him look at her with such adoring eyes and not see the truth? She wishes he could, she wishes he could look at her like Qiren does, like his teacher did. That he would hate her too. It would make things easier when she will have to stab him.
“I will go, you should return to Cloud Recesses, I don’t need an escort.”
“But you’re—”
“I’m fine, Qingheng-Jun. Go back, or people will think we are courting each other.” She barks back.
“Would that be so bad?”
She stops and stares, he holds her gaze, confident.
“I told you, Lan only love once. And I… Do love you Xue Hua. So I don’t mind people thinking that way. I…”
He hesitates. She panics, her heart beating faster in her chest, please stop, don’t, do not continue this conversation, she pleads in her thoughts.
“I know you’re suffering, beyond what I can imagine. I know you lost everything and that it hurts… but… I want to help you heal. ”
She laughs, nervously, bitterly. Heal? How can she heal? The wound had been festering for years now, it has spread so far that it blights her whole self, just like the curse that marks her skin. It’s necrotizing. He is a fool to believe that he could cut that part out without destroying her, for thinking there is a future for her. And she has been a fool to listen too.
It has been a good dream, but now it is over.
Yet he insists:
“I know you think it’s not possible but time heals all wounds and if you need time I’m willing to—”
“I don’t need time. I don’t need you. I don’t love you.” She lists cruelly, or maybe that’s her way to be merciful. She doesn’t know anymore.
He hesitates, bites his lips and then nods.
“I understand. I...I cannot help the way you feel. So please accept that you cannot help the way I feel either. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
Then he turns back up where he belongs, while she continues further down, down, down.
She wishes she could hide and keep this cruel fate at bay. She wishes she could be herself with him and answers his confession how she wants, maybe I do love you too, maybe this is not a crush, maybe I want to let you try and see if I can ever heal. But she cannot, she remembers what she told her sister, so many years ago, when she talked about Xue Hei. How Liu Hua treated her unrequited crush, with contempt and fake wisdom. Maybe you just don’t love him enough to make the jump, she told her sister. These words she said aloud, there’s no returning now without betraying everything she once has been.
Liu Hua doesn’t love Qingheng-Jun enough to make this jump: to give up on her revenge, and he deserves someone who would. Someone who won’t hurt him like she plans to do.
When she reaches her campsite, she stares at the red lilies, poppies and chrysanthemums, disregarded several days earlier. Their roots took into the ground and they survived. She caresses their petals, their season is long past as it’s already autumn, they shouldn’t be blooming, at all, yet… The mountain is so full of spiritual energy, as a dragon vein and major Qi point, it must alter their cycle. If she just uses her core’s affinity to warm the earth they grow, she should be able to make them live.
She doesn’t allow it. She takes the petals, everything that can be used for poison, and then burns it to ashes.
Between the tree, she can see the horizon line, where the sun lays, in the lazy twilight light. It slowly fades away and lets the darkness spread. Liu Hua lets it swallow her whole.
***
Liu Hua doesn’t see Qingheng-Jun for two months after that. She doesn’t return to Cloud Recesses either. Alone in the forest, she prepares, she organizes, she plots and if she cries a little bit too, well there’s no one by her side to see it. She misses him and wants to never see him again at the same time. It’s confusing.
Then one day, all her preparations are finally completed, so she goes to Caiyi town and lets people know she is looking for Qingheng-Jun again. Without fail, a few days later she sees him where she used to sell talisman.
“Xue Hua,” he says, with a sad smile and a small salute.
“Qingheng-Jun.” She answers.
“I’ve heard you’ve been looking for me?”
She hates it, she hates that small part of her that wants to preserve him from pain despite her resolve, despite the fact that he is the best way to hurt the monster she has been looking for so long. She forces herself to nod and stick to her plan.
“Yes. I realized we’ve never night-hunted, despite all the time we spent together.”
“Indeed.”
“I told you about the monster I’m pursuing. I’ve finally managed to lure him out, I would appreciate your help in that matter, as I’ve heard nothing but praises about your combat skills.”
Qingheng-Jun seems to hesitate hearing that, definitely wavering.
“The monster that killed your family?” He asks, unsure.
“Yes. You once said you wanted to help me defeat it. Is it still the case?”
“Of course!” But then he pauses and asks: “...What will you do once it’s defeated?”
She gives the question a thought, she supposes she could continue to roam the lands and look for more people that allowed the slaughtering. But this will not help convince Qingheng-Jun to help, there’s only one thing he wants to hear and so she gives it, even though it’s a lie,
“Then I suppose I will have no choice but to finally grieve and focus on the future.”
Qingheng-Jun smiles and he says:
“Then I will gladly help.”
And just like that, the trap is set. She puts her heart inside a box and closes it, lets it shrivel and die.
***
The plan is awfully simple, she will lure Qingheng-Jun in the night-hunt, capture him and use him as bait to get Lan Ziqian out. If he comes with an army, she has prepared the part of the forest she will hide in, it’s full of traps and should deal with most of the people. She knows how to avoid them and should be able to single him out. Then she'll make him believe she already killed the Lan Heir, show him Qingheng-Jun’s forehead ribbon with a bit of her blood on it to make a point, watch him suffer then she avenges her parents. If she can, she will keep him alive for a while—so he suffers, maybe make him into a simple human stick. It depends if she has to flee fast or not.
The plan is simple, so she doesn’t expect it to be thrown out of the window at the very first step.
Qingheng-Jun doesn’t show up alone for their shared night-hunt. Lan Ziqian is by his side.
“My student told me he made his feelings for you clear and as such it is only normal a chaperone is here to supervise you, otherwise it would be improper.” Lan Ziqian explains.
“I’m sorry” says Qingheng-Jun.
She shakes her head, it is not a problem, on the contrary. It will step up the whole plan and assure her she will not face an army coming to retrieve their leader. It’s for the better, she decides. All she has to do is make sure they part at one point, so she can still make the teacher think she killed his student.
“So, what kind of ghost are we chasing after?” Inquires Lan Ziqian, as Liu Hua leads them to the entrance of the forest.
She already took care of marking the place, so hopefully, no innocent commoner would be caught in the crossfire, she tied down cords wrapped with warning talismans and bells all over the place. If people still venture here despite the warning, well, it's their own fault. She gives Lan Ziqian the lie she prepared about the revengeful ghost, the same cultivators can read on the marking all around the place.
If he doesn’t believe her, he sure doesn’t show it. Instead she takes the lead of the nighthunt, telling she cornered the ghost in a smaller region and put a ward to keep it in.
“There’s traps everywhere, so here, take this, it should protect you and prevent you from being caught in it.”
She gives Qingheng-Jun a talisman that will do exactly the contrary, it bears a bit of her core’s energy, which will set aflame the traps’ triggers once it’s close enough. She didn’t plan for Lan Ziqian’s presence, but fortunately it is not hard to write him a similar talisman.
“What about you?” Asks Qingheng-Jun.
“I set the traps, I know where each one is and how to avoid them,” she tells him bluntly.
They depart and she doesn’t set her plan into motion immediately. The first half of the forest is full of ghosts she sealed through her wandering especially for this occasion. She released them and let them cause havoc for the sole purpose of being able to see what her companions could do. She needs to evaluate their level to have the upper hand later. She will pretend to be weaker than she is. Hopefully that will push them to underestimate her and leave an opening for her. No matter how strong you are, you only need one mistake, one blow to be killed. Her Teacher taught her that.
She knew that Qingheng-Jun is strong, of course, she heard about his reputation before. But she is not quite prepared to witness how strong he is. He is barely inconvenienced by the ghosts she had so much trouble capturing. She understands why people say he dances with death, each of his moves full of grace, with one hand he parries and with the other he purifies. Once or twice, the purification spell doesn’t work and he barely shows any inconvenience, his body simply continuing his previous movement and suppressing the spirit in the next breath, like it was all planned from the very beginning.
She cannot compete with that, no matter how much she trained the past few years. And the man smiles, beams at her every time they can catch a break. She can feel the heart she put away in a box struggling to go free. She does not let it.
The most trouble however is Lan Ziqian, he absolutely does nothing. She sends him a look and he shrugs:
“This is your night-hunt, not mine, I was not invited, I’m merely here to play chaperone.”
Things are not going well at this rate. So she decides to change a few steps. The next time they take a break, she proposes to stop and eat. She puts on a ward around them and hands them wrapped meals and a gourd.
“There’s a bit of alcohol in it, to make sure the water is clean of disease,” she warns Qingheng-Jun.
“Oh.” He hesitates, of course, as alcohol is forbidden in Cloud Recesses.
The water contains a remedy for the poison she put in the lunch. Especially the mooncakes. She powdered it with the pollen of the red lilies, poppies and chrysanthemums he gave her. It will disrupt his spiritual power in a few hours and make him unable to use it. She puts alcohol in her water to make sure no Lan would drink it and have access in the antidote without looking suspicious. And she said it because if she is honest with alcohol and respects their customs, how could he suspect she is hiding something else?
“You can use your golden core to burn off the alcohol you’re drinking,” informs Lan Ziqian.
“No. This is against the rules,” insists Qingheng-Jun, though he is looking at Liu Hua’s gourd with a yearning expression.
“Then takes my gourd, there’s fresh water in it,” Lan Ziqian offers.
Liu Hua has trouble keeping her face even as she watches them decline the antidote that would save them and drink their water.
“Is this normal that there are so many ghosts around but not the one you’re looking for?” Inquires Qingheng-Jun, after the meal.
“Yes, more often than not resentment attracts more resentment.”
That’s one of the reasons why the Iron Pieces cannot stay long in the same place, once the resentment starts leaking. The excuse is enough to convince Qingheng-Jun, but Lan Ziqian keeps staring at her, his expression unreadable. They return to the nighthunt not long after. At one point, she tries to convince Qingheng-Jun to part ways to catch the ghost between the two of them, her points are shaky at best as she didn’t prepare it beforehand but finds a strange ally in her plight.
“Let’s do as she says, she knows her opponent better than us. Do not worry Qiangsi, I will stay with her and protect her.”
“But teacher the point of the night hunt was-”
“I can't let you be alone together, as chaperone. Besides, doing your part of the job is another way to show her how reliable you are.”
She raises an eyebrow at them, and Qingheng-Jun blushes again. So he still didn’t understand, well, it’s his own fault if he suffers more than he should have, she decides. Even her heart understood now that it’s in a box. She closes and fences her mind against the guilt. She can’t afford second thoughts now. She has gone too far to turn back now. It will be done. And she is sorry, but she tried to warn him.
“Fine, good luck, don’t hesitate to yell if you need my help.” Qingheng-Jun says.
They finally part and Liu Hua is left alone with her family’s murderer. She tries not to smile as they start walking again in the supposed direction the monster should be.
“Show me the way. You know where it is hiding after all,” Orders Lan Ziqian.
It is right here, she thinks, smugly. She dreamed of this moment for so long, it is hard to keep her composure. Her grasp on her sword is shaky and her palms are sweaty. For a long time they just walk in silence, deep in thoughts, then suddenly there’s a flash of light and a talisman in her pocket is set aflame.
It’s the signal that she waited for, the one that tells her something has fallen into one of her traps. Qingheng-Jun is dealt with, fortunately the part of the forest she sent him has only harmless pitfalls, at worst he gets out with broken legs.
“What is it?”Inquires Lan Ziqian.
“The sign that the target is where I want it to be,” she says.
“You know, I’ve wandered for a while and I’ve never seen a rogue night-hunt like you do.”
“It is probably because you’ve always dealt with groups of rogues not lonely ones.”
“True, the cultivators I traveled with always walked in groups, mostly families.”
Lan Ziqian stops and adds:
“The sword you wield is also oddly familiar to me. One of my old friends had a similar one.”
Friend, the gut the man has to spout such nonsense, again. First the lie about her father, now about the Xue leader! She bites her lips, looking for the right thing to say, the words that would hurt back:
“I got him from a relative. Maybe you heard of him: his name was Xue FengXi.”
Lan Ziqian doesn’t let her turn around, before she can do anything, he has unsheathed his sword and pointed it at her:
“As you said, Xue FengXi nighthunted with his family and I was familiar with each of them. There was no Xue Hua among them. Even if you were born after I left your age just doesn't match. So who are you? Why are you pretending to be my friend’s relative? What are your intentions with my student?”
Liu Hua turns around and looks at the man and she lets the mask drop to the ground.
“Why are you pretending to be his friend when we both know you killed him?”
Lan Ziqian’s expression falters and his grasp on his sword shakes.
“Is that what he told you?”
“It is what I saw!” She screams back, annoyed with this chit chat. “You killed my father!”
“Father? FengXi only had a son...Hei? Is that you Xue Hei? Did you take your crush’s name—Liu Hua?”
Her real name sends a jolt to her spine and so she doesn’t let him finish and she surges forward. How does he know that?! How does he know so much about them? He spars without a single hesitation. She jumps backward immediately, there’s still too much force in his hold on the sword, his spiritual power is not disrupted enough, she has to gain some time for the poison to take effect but she is not sure she can hold her ground on a duel with him either, so she has to lure him inside the trap field like she wanted in the first place.
So she takes out the sacred ribbon from her robe and shows it to him.
“You forgot that in my father’s hand.”
Lan Ziqian’s eyes widens and he whispers, unsure:
“Liu Hua? Is that you?”
She freezes and suddenly something clicks inside her head. The pig’s snort, the fact that he knows her father, her name, FengXi and his son’s name. The problem with names. It’s not the way he is similar to Qingheng-Jun she found familiar. She knows him. Or more accurately she knows her. That’s why Qingheng-Jun wanted to call her them, why the student was surprised by his teacher’s decision to give a male name.
“Teacher?” She whispers, in disbelief.
Last time she had seen Teacher, Liu Hua had been under ten and she had left them dressed as a woman. Liu Hua assumed she had been killed on the road as she never kept her words. It never occured that maybe Teacher survived and just betrayed her vows. But now she knows. Teacher survived and then Teacher betrayed them. That’s why Xue FengXi called her in his last delirium. She—
Her heart hardens, the betrayal burning her soul raw. You should be dead, she thinks, and then, I will correct that. She will see how much Liu Hua improved, how great of a cultivator she became with her foundation lessons. It will make things fair. Even. It’s karma.
You made me the monster I am, so I will end you.
She throws a talisman at Teacher but the Lan cultivator makes it deviate from its trajectory with a simple movement of her wrist. That’s okay. Liu Hua throws another talisman at the one dejected: a fire one that lights up the spell on the first one.
It explodes immediately. Of course she jumped away on time and Teacher did too. But Liu Hua guessed right which direction her opponent would take and she was waiting for her with her sword. Still, Teacher is better than her, she swirls around her, their blades meeting. Then a root surges from the ground and takes the teacher out of harm's way.
This is FengXi’s technique! Liu Hua realizes. That’s Xue’s clan cultivation path!
Or maybe, it was Teacher’s and FengXi simply learned from her. She is not sure, it doesn’t matter anymore. She cuts it at the base and sends another talisman, trying to make sure Teacher flees toward the traps. It takes a couple of attempts, but finally, their protective talisman reacts. It burns a rope on a pine tree and lets a huge boulder fall right into them.
Teacher lets out a yelp as she avoids getting crushed, but by avoiding it, her foot stomps on another trap, and she falls out in a pit. Cultivators are used to fighting monsters, ghosts, nothing this intelligent. They don't know how to react to human’s traps. But cultivators are trained to have the best reflexes too. Teacher isn’t a strong cultivator for naught, she avoids the spikes waiting for her inside, using a root to propel herself out. Immediately she guesses that the talisman she had is not here to protect her, and she trashes it down, burning it. Liu hua takes this opportunity to stab her.
The blade pierce the skin and the stomach so easily, just like that day in the flower field.
But it’s not enough to kill a cultivator, it’s not enough to kill Teacher. Liu Hua knows, and she doesn’t want it to be. She expects the move Teacher makes to get her out and avoid getting hit, retreating behind the bushes and setting on another trap with her fire affinity.
“Liu Hua, we can tal—” Tries Teacher, but she has to avoid several arrows falling down on her.
She stands her ground this time, learning from her past mistake and cuts it down. Except that among those arrows there are several balls filled with powders. She cuts one and gets blinded for a breath or two.
Liu Hua charges again and gives her family murderer another stab before running away. Or at least tries to but then roots grow around her ankle and she stumbles. She looks back and sees Teacher frowning at her own closed fist, trembling. It’s easy to cut down the root, the spiritual power controlling it is flimsy, at best. It seems the poison is finally getting to her opponent. She sets it on fire in the hopes flames get to Teacher, but Teacher still has the energy to make the vines trash out of reach before it does.
“Liu Hua—” she tries again. “Please I can explain—”
“Explain what? “ She screams back. “What is there to explain? You betrayed the Xue, you killed my family! Did you or did you not?!”
Teachers swallows but does not deny. Liu Hua sends a talisman to the ground, it sets the herb on fire, cutting the escape route for the both of them. Just like that day, they are surrounded by flames, except this one she will be the one taking away what the others care about, she will be the one piercing her heart with her blade!
“Well, it’s time for karma’s rebound!”
Teacher seems to finally get the meaning behind her words and she pales, and oh how delightful it is to see fear in her eyes!
“What did you do to Qiangsi?!” She screams. “He is innocent!”
Liu Hua snorts:
“And so was my family! So were Liu Huo, Liu Mei, Liu Fan, my parents, my cousin Zhang...”
She continues to list their names, like she has dreamed to do for so many years. She recites each one she remembers, each person who lost their life in this absurd slaughter. She is running out of traps, so she throws daggers at her opponent. Some hits, but with or without spiritual power, Teacher is still a good martial artist, she manages to deflect most of it, and the few she allows to be hit by make minor wounds, not lethal ones.
It’s infuriating!
Each time Teacher hears a name, her expression hardens and she yells back:
“Where is Qiangsi? What did you do to him?”
As if she doesn’t care about anyone but him! As if Liu Hua’s family doesn’t count anymore now they are dead! But they count, they should be in Teacher’s every thought like they are in Liu Hua’s!
She doesn’t even say sorry like that day, she is not even making up excuses like she did when she pierced her chest with her blade! Where is the blade from that day? It’s not the same she wears right now either! Did she get rid of it? Did she throw it away to get rid of the evidence?! Well Liu Hua survived! She remembers, she knows, if Teacher wants this evidence to go she will have to kill her and not fail this time!
Teacher manages to get close to Liu Hua again and so she flees, trying to lure her into another field of traps, to get back her advantage, when something whistles and explodes in the background. They both look up.
There’s a big explosion in the sky, sparkles form a brief cloud, the Lan clan’s emblem. It’s a distress signal. Liu Hua holds her breath and curses: Qingheng-Jun! It must be him. And if she understands it, so does Teacher, whose shoulders slumps down in relief.
“You did not hurt Qiangsi.” She states with confidence.
Rage filles Liu Hua’s lungs. That’s not how it is supposed to be. She is supposed to make her tremble with fear! Teacher is supposed to live her last moments filled with grief and powerlessness! Just like her family did! Alone and scared! Yet the murderess dares look at Liu Hua and smiles:
“We can still talk, we can—”
“I don’t want to talk! I don’t want your excuses!”
She doesn’t want to hear from her why her family’s murder was needed, she heard it enough from the others culprits! How the Xue had to be killed because they betrayed their vows, because they were about to give the Iron Piece to the Wen, because there was no other choice...She doesn’t care! She doesn’t care about that! She doesn’t care about anything! Nothing, no words, no situation, nothing will be good enough to justify the fact that she is all alone and lost everything!
She surges forward with her sword and this time Teacher does not only par. Despite her obvious lack of spiritual power she stands her ground and the fight lingers and lingers. How can they be even when Liu Hua is using her spiritual energy and Teacher does not? That’s unfair! She presses on, her annoyance growing at each failure. Then suddenly after what feels like an hour long fight, Teacher disarms Liu Hua easily, with one swift move. Liu Hua’s breath is knocked out of her lungs and she is pressed against the trunk of a tree. Teacher’s arm locks under her throat.
“I’m sorry,” she says, and it feels like that day, on the battlefield, where the murderer of her father said sorry while still piercing his chest with her blade.
“I don’t care if you’re sorry, you betrayed us!” Liu Hua hisses back.
Teacher’s grieving expression is almost convincing, she is a good actor. She had to be in order to trick them all, of course. But Liu Hua won’t fall into her trap twice.
“I failed you all—” Teacher whispers.
“Xue Hua!”
She recognizes this voice, she doesn’t have to turn her head to know who it is that is calling her. But she still does. She still turns and sees Qingheng-Jun standing right there. Forget the pristine lord, he probably fell into every pit she dug on the way, his whole robe has turned dark brown. His hair is full of branches and leaves, completely in disarray. But he looks okay, he doesn’t seem injured.
She hates it. She hates the fact that she is relieved he is okay, when she needs him to be wounded, needs him to look at death’s door to distract the teacher . She needs to not care about him at all! Her fingers find a concealed qiankun pouch sewed under her sleeve, where a dagger is waiting. She just needs a small opportunity. A small distraction and-
“Teacher, what is the meaning of this?” Qingheng-Jun asks, his breath short.
“Her name isn’t Xue Hua, it’s Liu Hua.” Teacher replies, not even looking at her student, her complete focus on the person she is holding against a tree.
Qingheng-Jun opens his mouth, then looks at Liu Hua in disbelief and confusion. He closes it, and his eyes stare from one point to another, on the ground, as if searching through memories and clues, truth and lies. But all he manages to pick up is this:
“Is that why you gave her your dead name?”
It takes a moment for Liu Hua to realize he is speaking to his teacher and not her.
“Yes,” answers his teacher, without wavering. “I didn’t see why I should honor her with my identity if she hides her and bears my friends’ name —”
“Your friends?”
Qingheng-Jun doesn’t have time to say anything else, before someone drops on the ground.
“Brother, teacher, we saw the signal!”
Lan Qiren runs to his brother and checks on him. Liu Hua looks up, seeing a mass of people on swords, high above. She thought the forest would be dense enough to forbid them from getting to them by flying.
Well it does, only Lan Qiren manages to land correctly, more than one disciple hits a branch or two and ends up on their butt on the ground.
She miscalculated. She miscalculated so much and now the moment is past and—her family’s murderer will go free. Free! And she will be executed for her attempt. Again, the Lan Clan will get out of this with their hands clean.
She can’t accept that. She can’t.
“Teacher, what’s wrong?! You’re covered in blood!” Lan Qiren’s words shake Qingheng-Jun out of his stupor and they both move to check their teacher.
“I’m fine.”
Then the teacher makes the mistake to turn her head to them and smiles at her students to add to Qiangsi:
“Everything is going to be fine.”
By doing so Teacher makes the mistake and takes her eyes off Liu Hua and her grasp weakens for a second. And that’s all Liu Hua needs. As her father’s last words ring inside Liu Hua’s ears, she takes her concealed dagger and plunges it in the teacher's throat.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter !! As i said it's my favorite (oly because of one sentence UU will you be able to guess which one ? ;))
We're almost there, there's onlyt wo parts left of the flash back already <3I'm sorry for all my eventual trans!reader that i killed of the character representing you >< i will try to create a better one in the future that will survive.
As or those who are curious about Teacher's pov, you'll learn more about their side of the story when it will be Lan Qiangsi's turn to tell this story, which will only happen in part 2 of the fanfic. So it might take a while U-U
See you all on tuesday with the new part <3
Chapter 93: Liu Hua and Lan Qiangsi - Part 5
Notes:
Hello everyone, i hope you're all doing great <3 I loved your comments last week, they made me so happy <3 Fraudulent_moose and nashapixie did an awesome job once again beta-reading this chapter on time. I hope you'll like it !!
Here si the trigger warning for this chapter : be careful and do not hesitate to stop reading if you're uncomfortable, as always there will be a summary at the beginning of next chapter so you can know what happened.
-Death (obviously)
-Murder (obviously too) / slaughtering
-Seclusion / Life emprisonment (obviously)
-Curse treated as deadly disease
-Betrayal / Abusing of trust
-People being misgendered
-Homophobia
Previous chapter summary --> Liu Hua and Lan Qiangsi continued to court -even if Liu Hua refused to admit it. The young sect leader finally invited the woman he loved to Cloud Recesses, so she could see his home and meet his family. And she did meet his family ; his younger brother Lan Qiren (who had been wary of her and did not want his brother to end up with broken-heart) and...The famous Teacher who raised the two boys. Teacher, the same Teacher that traveled with the Xue Clan for one hundred years, the Lan who has his sacred ribbon cutshort. At this point Liu Hua understood clearly that there was no way to spare Qingheng-Jun's feelings. Despite her conflicting emotions and guilt, it's anger which wins and she decides to carry through. After a long prepartion, she invited Lan Qiangsi to a nighthunt, the man brought with him his teacher. She poisonned them both and separated them and fought Teacher with all her might, using traps if she could. But that wasn't enough, Teacher is almost an immortal and managed to block her in the end. Qingheng-Jun arrived to witness her defeat right on time, after sending a distress signal, which brought Lan Qiren and lot of disciples in the forest? The chance to still carry through revenge seemed so slim...Until Teacher made a mistake, turning their eyes off Liu hua to say to their student that everything would be fine. It gave Liu Hua the opportunity she lacked ; after all, no matter how strong you are, all you need is one mistake. She stroke Teacher with a concealed dagger.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It has started to snow, Liu Hua realizes. It feels like time has been suspended for a second, she can see everything: the snowflakes falling, the dagger piercing the skin, the surprised expression on her family’s murderer’s face and in the background the shocked stance of the Lan clan disciples.
Then she drops to the ground and so does Teacher, and before anyone can do anything or utter a sound she gets her dagger out and plants it back inside the Teacher's chest, but misses the heart in her urgency.
Time returns with a scream, she doesn’t care whose throat it’s from, to be frank, she is acting on reflex at this point, she takes Teacher’s fallen sword on the ground and the first person who reaches her, she pulls them in and puts the blade under their chin after sealing their spiritual energy with one swift move.
“No one moves!” She orders.
It’s Lan Qiren. She bites her lips and decides to regret later. At least it could be worse, it could be Qingheng-Jun or Lan Shun. Yet, as she looks at the teenager who is trembling inside her grasp, his eyes on his teacher, his father figure, she doubts it.
It’s too late to think about that now. And she doesn’t have much time, as Qingheng-Jun is already kneeling near his teacher, his hands on the wound of her neck with the help of an older healer.
“Don’t touch Teacher or I'll kill your second young master!” She warns.
Lan Qiren makes a strange sound and everyone freezes. Teacher on the ground makes a whistling sound, bloody bubbles bursting out of the wound.
“Do as she says,” Teacher whispers, wheezing painfully.
She is still alive! This cockroach, Liu Hua is not leaving until she sees the light of life fade away from Teacher’s traitorous eyes!
“Xue Hua—” pleads Qingheng-Jun.
“Silent! Didn’t you hear anything your teacher said? It’s not my name!” She screams back.
Why does he keep looking at her like that? Like this is a big misunderstanding and that it can still be fixed? What does she have to say, to do, for him to finally get it?!
“I betrayed you! I used you to get to her!”
To her utter shame she feels tears rolling on her cheeks and she refuses it, so she forces a smile on her face: it’s a happy day, she finally gets her revenge for her family, she is finally murdering the one who took everything from her! She must make quite a sight, she must look half crazy and it’s right. She feels like this, half drunk, dizzy with emotions, lightheaded with both delights and fears.
“Why?”
Qingheng-Jun sends her a broken-hearted look and she can’t help but laugh. Why? Why am I doing this? Why are you even asking?
“She killed my family!” She blurts out.
“Teacher would never do that!” Protests Lan Qiren, his eyes rimmed with red.
“Shut up! I have proof!”
“It mustn’t be enough or you wouldn’t be murdering him behind everyone’s back!” Yells the healer that has been told not to intervene.
Liu Hua wants to laugh, why would she seek revenge through laws? So that teacher is punished according to the Lan clan’s judgment? That’s not enough! That will never be enough compared to her crime! Why would she settle for less than what that betrayer deserves? Besides, who is this man to talk in Teacher’s defense? He isn’t even making an effort to say her.
She looks at Teacher still bleeding on the ground and thinks, bitter, when Teacher had a place, respect and was loved among the Xue, she still decided to choose the Lan.
“If you have proof, then you don’t need to go this far,” tries to say Qingheng-Jun. “Let us heal Teacher, and then there will be a trial and if they are judged guilty—”
“Brother!” Protests Lan Qiren. “There must be a mistake Teacher would never—how could you even think—”
“Qiren, hush, I’m tryin—”
“Qingheng-Jun—” says the healer.
“Do not interrupt me!” Qingheng-Jun orders. “Xu-hu...Hua? I don’t know what makes you think teacher did this to your family, but I’m sure this is a big misunderstanding. I know you think you’re right but I know my teacher. They would never do that. They—”
He gulps.
“They raised me Liu Hua. They raised me and Lan Qiren, maybe you took them for someone else, please, drop this sword.”
“She fooled you too, then!” Liu Hua laughs. “Just like she fooled me! Did she ever tell you she lived with my family before? Did you know she taught every child of my family for generations? Yet she still didn't hesitate to slaughter us all. Maybe I’m doing you good, getting rid of her, before she decides to betray you too!”
“Liar!” Screams Lan Qiren and he coughs a bit of blood, despite the fact that his Qi is sealed.
Qingheng-Jun doesn’t respond to the provocation, his eyes on his brother, instead he continues:
“You’re right. I didn’t know. That’s why they need to survive, so they can answer. We’ll only know if they survive. If you allow us to save them, then we’ll forget it: your attempt, everything, I will close my eyes on them, just let us have a chance to clarify this. Let Qiren go, I swear no one will get you.”
“So you can all capture me and kill me on the spot? I don’t think so.”
“Then take me as a hostage instead—” He proposes.
"Qingcheng-Jun!" Protests the healer, indigned.
“Brother!”
It is actually better, Liu Hua considers the solution, but she knows that the split second of time when she lets go of Lan Qiren is critical, he can incapacitate her. Or someone can attack and she is not risking it.
“No. I’m not doing any of that, and I’m not allowing you to heal Teacher either. I’m staying until she is dead.”
“Teacher’s dead.” states the Lan healer.
Liu Hua’s breathing halts and Lan Qiren in her arms shivers, while Qingheng-Jun freezes up. He turns his head to the man, in disbelief, and repeats, his voice shattering:
“What?”
The Lan healer lifts his chin and repeats, more firm this time:
“Teacher is dead. He bled out.”
“No—this...Their spiritual power—they should—they can hold longer than that—everything is going to be fine, they said—”
“His spiritual power is disrupted.” Comments the Lan healer, his eyes down. “He already lost a lot of blood and the dagger touched an artery.”
Qingheng-Jun stumbles. Liu Hua feels her chest tremble and realizes a little bit too late that it’s Lan Qiren, who is holding his sobs. It’s over. It’s finally over.
Teacher is dead. Her family is avenged.
Liu Hua supposes she should be feeling accomplished, relieved, but she is not. This is not how she wanted the murderer to go: alone and terrified. But it’s good enough. Her whole mind is blank and her body is still standing there, in the middle of the forest, her hand shaking because of the hostage she is holding and the snow.
The expression on Qingheng-Jun’s face is awful. It broke her heart free from its box and it bleeds out when it should rejoice and she doesn’t get why.
Teacher is dead. Her family is avenged. So she doesn’t need to continue this farce, she supposes. She could let go of Lan Qiren now, but… But if she does, surely in no time she will find herself surrounded with several swords pointing at her. Maybe she will not even have a warning and be killed immediately.
Is it preposterous of her to hope to get it out alive? Probably. She doesn’t know how she will manage to get out of this mess. She didn’t even know she would care, yet as she stands there she doesn’t have the courage to give up on her life still. Just like that day, on the road, where infection and fever almost got her. She is scared of death. Even though she knows she can’t escape because even if she does get out of this forest, there’s still the curse on her skin, growing. Even though she knows she probably deserves it. She is a monster too, now.
She wonders if Teacher got scared too, in the end. She hopes. She doesn’t want to be like her family’s murderer. She wants to be better than that. She wants…
She wants impossible things, right? Always had.
...Liu Hua closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before she finally knocks Lan Qiren out. There’s a sudden gasp and before she knows it, she finds herself shoved to the ground by Qingheng-Jun.
“Take care of Qiren!” He shouts to the healers.
“He is fine, I just knocked him out,” she says calmly.
Not that she expects him to believe her now. She looks up and sees his eyes filled with tears but determined, his lips bitten thin. His hold on her is firm. He won’t let go. This is over.
“Do not move.” He warns her. “Or I will—”
“Where do you want me to go?” She laughs, dryly.
The one who took her home is gone too. She didn’t expect to feel so conflicted, both fulfilled and empty, it’s like she accomplished the goal that’d kept her alive why she survived, but now, what is left there to live for? What’s the point of living just for the sake of it?
She sees Qingheng-Jun’s pain and for a moment, wonders, had she bore such an expression too, that very day where she lost everything? Unconsciously her hands reach for his cheek and despite his warning, his threat, he lets her move. He does not follow through.
He loves you too much to make the jump, she realizes and her heart breaks a little more inside. He looks beautiful even through this whole mess, despite the grief and the dirt. It’s unfair. It’s so unfair.
“It’s okay, you can avenge them and kill me,” she whispers to him.
To make it fair. She had her revenge and took what he cherished. It’s only fair he returns her the favor. The ugly part of her delights at the idea that he will be a monster too, like her, and that maybe that way they can understand one another. The other part hopes he will find solace in this act, peace, like she does.
But Qingheng-Jun closes his eyes and presses his forehead against her.
“Teacher once told me that a good sect leader should always think more of the living people than the dead ones.”
“Well maybe you should stop listening to a murderer’s advice and think for yourself.”
He opens his eyes again and stares at her with the saddest smile on his face.
“Maybe you’re right.”
And it hits her that she is a murderer too, now. He turns his head and looks at his brother, who is hurried away by the healer, and the corpse of his teacher laying on the ground, a fine layer of snow covering him already. Then he states, loud and firm:
“Someone has to stop asking for blood and revenge and ends this circle.”
“You cannot do that!” Roars the disciples.
“She killed teacher!”
“Sect Leader in such times of need it is important for you to stand firm and do what’s right—” Says the healer.
“Punish her!” One says first.
But then it escalates quickly:
“Kill her!” asks another.
“Avenge teacher!”
“Be filial!”
The crowd asks, and really, Qingheng-Jun should just deliver at this point. But he doesn’t. And when a more daring disciple walks up and seize Liu Hua’s hair he jolts up and shoves them away.
“Do not touch her!”
Something happened though, when he pressed their foreheads together earlier his ribbon got tangled up in Liu Hua’s hair and this whole movement made it fall on her chest. Qingheng-Jun freezes as he sees that, and before Liu Hua can understand anything he seizes it and wraps their two wrists together. The whole crowd gasps in outrage again.
Liu Hua doesn’t even have the time to think that it is a strange way to shackles her, when Qingheng-Jun blurts:
“With this, she is now my wife, anyone who would attack her will answer to me.”
She feels sick.
She can’t believe her ears, how many times must she tell him that they can not be, that she doesn’t love him, when will he understand and hear it? But then he looks back at her and she catches the expression on his face and... Oh.
He got the message this time.
It’s her who is having delusions. It’s her whose heart skipped a beat.
The next thing she knows she is knocked out by Qingheng-Jun and everything goes dark.
***
The next few days are a blur for Liu Hua, she awakes in a small room, Qingheng-Jun sitting next to her, meditating. When she asks him why he did that, why he spared her, he says:
“I want an answer.”
“You won’t like it.”
“I still want to hear it.”
Then shuts up and resumes meditation. Liu Hua is locked in the room all the time, but Qingheng-Jun can get out. More than once, she hears him shout outside the room, with whom she assumes are other disciples. They are asking for her head, and each time he tells them:
“You’ll act exactly as she did and no one will ever know the truth. This affair needs a trial.”
Once she can hear clearly Lan Qiren’s voice, asking:
“Why, why are you believing her, why are you even listening to her words? You’ve known Teacher for years, you’ve barely spent a few months with her! You have to know that teacher would never —”
But then Qingheng-Jun whispers back:
“Do you remember, that day, when Teacher came back from a night-hunt and went to seclusion directly and father forbade us to see them? When they came back with their ribbon cut?”
“Yes…”
“I disobeyed, I went to see them—”
“Why? You’re not supposed to do that! You’re supposed to respect people’s wishes, when one goes to seclusion, that’s how you show them you love them—”
“Because they went into seclusion saying they were unfit to teach us anymore that day. They went so seclusion because father told them to take time to think about it alone—”
“Teacher would—”
“But they did. Qiren. They did. And when I went to see them, they tried to hide it but I knew they were crying—they told me they were a terrible teacher, too naive, too trusting,that they should have been stricter and that we would grow up better without their guidance. I had to talk them through this!That...that is not the behavior of someone who has done nothing. ”
“But it could be anything else! It could be an old student doing something bad, or maybe dying, it doesn’t mean it has to be that! Rumors say Teacher lost someone during that night-hunt, maybe that’s what happened! ”
“But it could be what Xu-Liu Hua accuses them of too. It could be and I want to know. I want to know if the person who raised us did something terrible, Qiren. Don’t you want to know too?”
“I... I’ve never seen Teacher make anything but miracles. And I’ve only seen your Liu Hua doing terrible things to you, to your heart, to our clan and to them. I…”
He doesn’t say no. He doesn’t say yes either. The dispute ends there.
Liu Hua supposes Qingheng-Jun manages to convince his people because a few days later there’s kind of a trial. Some years after the fact, people are finally investigating on the Xue’s slaughter and Liu Hua’s family murder but it’s obviously a stage to prove their murderer’s innocence. She is nauseous the whole time and wants to puke at those elders who are pointing fingers.
It is as she guessed: Lan Ziqian is indeed her Teacher. She had been tasked to supervise the Xue Clan by Lan Yi, back in the day apparently. Which makes her over 100 years old. She accomplished her task until the previous sect leader, Lan Qiren and Lan Qiangsi’s father, called her back to Cloud Recesses. For her long mission and glorious deeds she had been given the role of teacher as soon as she arrived on Cloud Recesses.
The admission doesn’t sooth the wound, on the contrary it festers even more. She already knew of course, but it hurts to have the confirmation.
“What about her successor,” Liu Hua can’t help but asks. “She promised someone would take over her duty among the Xue, but no one ever came.”
“We are not aware of such things,” they answer back. “And we are not judging our Clan’s decision over it but your actions. You killed one of ours, and you claimed he was guilty of a crime, which is it?”
She tells them the truth, what happened, in front of so many witnesses this time, in front of Qingheng-Jun. She avoids speaking of the iron Yin as much as possible though, calling it an artifact. She will not betray the Xue Clan’s vow to protect it, and this slaughtered her people already, covering this killing to maybe get their hands on it. She won’t give them anything.
“Is it true, did we slaughter a whole clan?” Asks Qingheng-Jun to the elders, shocked. “Did my father order—”
They have the decency to be silent, though it doesn’t last long. Apparently her family’s memory and the Xue, are only worth an incense stick time of silence.
“There are such orders in our archives,” admits an elder. “But no explanation about it. From our registers, it seems like Nie Sect decided it. Maybe we agreed due to our alliance with them.”
“I’m sure it was necessary, the Xue clan created the Iron Yin.”
Qingheng-Jun frowns, biting his lips, and Liu Hua knows him enough to guess what it means, he knows what the Iron Yin is. The elders continues:
“—and the artifact got tainted by corruption, they must have met the same fate. They probably turned demonic too at some point and your esteemed father—”
“Decided he had the right over life and slaughtered them?” Continues Qingheng-Jun in disbelief.
“Be filial!” Reminds him one woman on her seat.
“What about the law you should not kill?”
“You should not kill at Cloud Recesses!”
“So as long as it is outside Cloud Recesses, it’s fine? So why are we even holding a trial, she killed Teacher in the forest at Caiyi—”
“Stop making this difficult”
“Are our rules only meant for us then? Or for people under special circumstances you decide on? The rule you should not kill had been added to our wall after Lan Yi’s demise, because of the Iron Yin’s fall out. A council of elders voted for it! Are you doubting our ancestors’s wisdom? We should have been even more cautious to not break this law when it is linked to the Iron Yin, then, as respect for our past elders!”
“Qiangsi,” says one elder, in the tone of a grandpa talking to a very small child. “I’m sure your father had a righteous reason to act the way he did.”
“Then tell me about it: I can understand some, I understood Lan Yi—”
“Unfortunately we can’t, all of the people who took this decision and participated in this mission died from the curse. There is...Simply no one left to say what happened the day they took this decision.”
Liu Hua can’t help but snort at that. How convenient! Unfortunately this redirects the attention back on her. She shrugs it, and can’t help but smile as she declares:
“Yes, maybe there’s a reason for that.”
And so she tells them about the curse. She even draws the array for them. They don’t see the mistakes right away and focus on the most important part for them:
Anyone who died from the curse had to have a resentful thought. For a clan that built its whole reputation on their righteousness and clarity of mind, it’s unbelievable.
“That can’t be!” Screams one elder.
Qingheng-Jun looks like he is about to faint.
“Some people who are dying did not participate on this mission, I’m sure of it!” Says another. “We have a list of the disciples who participated in the slaughter!”
“Check the registry!” Orders another. “Call someone specialized in curses, we need to decipher this part, it’s too flowery—”
They’re pointing out the part where there is the spelling mistake too. She doesn’t say anything to them, she lets them think whatever they want.
Liu Hua is sent back to her room the next few days and completely forgotten. Even if they have the curse, it won’t change anything, they won’t be able to stop it. It will continue to go rampant until it has accomplished its goal. They must get that because the next time they summon her for this trial, they do not talk about the subject again, they focus solely on her accusation. They do not even bring the Iron Yin’s name. Lan Qiren is there this time, far, very far away from his brother’s side. He sends her an hateful glare:
“You said you had proof of Teacher’s guilt. What is it? By your curse’s logic, they should be marked by it, yet their body shows no mark at all!”
No mark? Liu Hua doesn’t let herself be stunned by this revelation for long. Teacher was a strong cultivator, enough to live a hundred years and looks only slightly over fifty. Curses sometimes fail to affect their victims, if their cultivation is higher than the caster. The fact that it has never been the case before—affecting even sect leaders, because the Iron Yin and the slaughter probably enhanced Leader’s power—doesn’t mean much. No sect leader had as high cultivation as Teacher’s.
She says so, but Lan Qiren insists:
“That’s not enough proof, your curse compromises the golden core at the first resentful thought about the Xue, it has nothing to do with high levels of cultivation! It just proves the contrary, that never in their life teacher had a resentful thought about the Xue! Their core was completely unharmed!”
Liu Hua laughs, because that’s absurd, Teacher betrayed the Xue, killed them. She proceeds to share her ultimate proof. Qingheng-Jun’s face gets a whole tone whiter when she talks about the ribbon Liu Hua found in her father’s corpse’s hand.
“Are you now accusing Lan Ziqian to be a cutsleeve on top of everything else?!” One elder roars. “Your impertinence knows no bounds!”
“Teacher once told me that you Lan, didn’t care about who your own loved, and yet—”
Another lie to add to the pile. She is tired of all the Lan’s bullshit. First off, Teacher isn’t a man, so even if she dares like a man, that doesn’t make her a cutsleeve. Second, her father would never, ever betray Liu Hua’s mother. This whole rumor about him cutting off his ribbon to his lover is obviously made up to cover his crime, and she says so.
“Maybe your father and mother had an arrangement with Lan Ziqian, how could you know this is not the kind of thing parents share with their children,” proposes an elderly woman, almost kindly.
She refuses it, she would have known, she would have felt it. Teacher didn’t care for her family, for her siblings or her father, more than anyone else, she acted exactly the same. Fortunately some other elders are siding with her:
“Teacher’s cultivation path required to keep their purity. They could not drink or have a relationship. If they stepped out they would lose a lot of power.”
“Love doesn’t necessarily imply sex, elder Zhu.”
Elder Zhu gasps at the crude word. Liu Hua wants to laugh at the purity word, so sex was a no go, but killing is okay? What a joke.
“You said she taught you the foundation of cultivation.” One elder points out at Liu Hua, though.
But that proves nothing, Liu Hua decides. Teacher would have taught anyone. She loved to teach people. That’s why she had been so loved among the Xue.
“Where is this ribbon you say you have?” One elder asks.
Liu Hua finds herself blinking. She didn’t have it when she awoke, she assumed it was confiscated by the Lan clan, taken away like her sword and other weapons. She says so, and they snort:
“We did not find such things on you.”
“Then it’s on the forest ground,” she says.
“We did not find such things there,” they repeat.
She is furious at them but not surprised, she sends a look at Qingheng-Jun that says: so this is your clan’s justice. That’s why I didn’t seek for it. It’s not completely true, even if they had been fair she wouldn’t have accepted their decision. But still, they are blatantly lying and concealing proof. Qingheng-Jun frowns and asks:
“Is it truly gone?”
“Do you doubt us?” Says one elder. “Are you believing her words, over ours, when she lied to you before? Making a mistake once is bad enough, doing it twice is unforgivable.”
Qingheng-Jun remains silent after that.
“Is this your only proof?” Asks one elder to Liu Hua again.
“He stabbed me in the chest with his sword, when I was attacked. I still bear the scar. Measure it.” She says, opening her robe with absolutely no shame.
Qingheng-Jun looks away. They roar, undignified and she scoffs at their reactions. They should be ashamed, they are the one who pierced her chest with a blade. With embarrassment, a group of healers do check, but what they say is not to Liu Hua’s taste:
“It’s not Teacher’s sword, it’s too slim to be a Lan sword. It’s more akin to a Jiang’s or maybe even a Wen’s.”
She shakes her head: “She must have changed it so she could not be pursued!”
“So you say he kept his ribbon on his head, which gives away his clan more than anything else, but disregarded his cultivation’s sword to avoid suspicion? A blade that takes years to build a spirit for?”
Well Teacher has been a strong cultivator, years means nothing to her. She told her so, in the past, 20 years were nothing. And for the love of gods could they just call her the right way? They act as if they are offended by Teacher’s death but they don’t even show minimal respect!
“Well maybe you should ask her spirit about it.” She tells them.
She had heard of the Lan Clan’s famous Inquiry technique, people say that a spirit cannot resist their elders’ call when one plays and that they cannot lie to them. If she heard wrong they could try Empathy. Somehow though, her suggestion angers everyone, and especially Lan Qiren.
“How dare you, you know first hand that we can’t! You did something to their soul!”
Liu Hua frowns, “I did nothing to her soul.”
“You did! You broke their heart with your baseless accusation and their soul shattered!” Insists Lan Qiren.
Liu Hua shouldn’t smile but the knowledge that her family’s murderer died pitifully and will never reincarnate delights her. So what? Bring her to trial. Oh wait, that’s already what they’re doing! She can’t help but gloat:
“Maybe she had something to feel guilty about then—”
“Teacher has done nothing wrong ever!”
“She did, you just don’t want to admit it!”
“You are wrong, Teacher is innocent and they did not deserve to be killed like that! You killed an innocent!”
Liu Hua laughs and looks at Lan Qiren:
“Neither did my parents. How does it feel to have someone you cherish taken from you this unfairly, does it hurt? I hope it hurts.”
The comment is aimed at the Lan clan in general, but it only makes Lan Qiren leave hastily, his eyes red.
After that the trial falls into a strange stand still, where the elders insists that whatever proof Liu Hua ever had are not good enough:
“Your story only proves that Teacher was there during the slaughter, but nothing else. You didn’t see the face of the person that killed the Xue leader, neither your father.”
“And what else would she be there for? Sightseeing?”
As much as Lan Qiren screams it, Liu Hua doesn’t change her mind: Teacher had been guilty. When they cannot tiptoe around it they just blatantly accuses:
“And you could lie! You lied to our Sect leader, manipulated him and used his infatuation on you for your own purpose! You bewitched him. ”
Annoyed by the truth, she provokes them:
“I didn’t ask him to fall in love with me, I rejected his every attempt. Ask anyone about it. Or use Inquiry, or Empathy on me, I don’t know—”
“Such technique doesn’t work on the living!” They gasp in outrage.
“As if you aren’t all trying to put me on the execution ground!”
After that comment Qingheng-Jun leaves the room too. Liu Hua is brought back to her prison and she does not hear from him for a few days... She is not called for the trial again. She is not given any indication regarding her punishment. She is just...there, in her room, locked, watching the snowflakes falling down. Time goes very slowly as for the first time in her life she has nothing to busy her mind with. She tries to train, they seal her spiritual energy so she does it the common way, doing workouts. Yet soon enough she runs out of ideas. The emptiness fits the new hole in her chest. It’s different from the one she is used to, but it hurts still. She thought that her revenge would free her from the pain, but she guesses she miscalculated.
Again.
“I've never been quite as good at math as you Meimei…” She whispers to the void.
One day Qingheng-Jun returns to her room and, driven half mad by the loneliness and the absence of interaction, she spits:
“Are you here to make me your wife?”
If he wants to do it, he better do it before they execute her. It will only add one more offense the Lan Clan did to her. She might not mind either, if she is dying, she might as well know what it’s like to be loved that way. They both could go with no regrets then, he would know he can’t love her and she would get over her stupid crush before her death. Maybe then they would feel free of their infatuation, she heard first nights are rarely enchanting and she chased many ghost brides who were disappointed by it.
But Qiangsi freezes, and then shakes his head.
“I… You were quite clear about what you thought of me in front of everyone. Elders included. I won’t touch you.”
“Then why did you marry me?”
His expression is torn, as he repeats:
“I wanted to save you and that’s the only solution I thought of at the moment.”
He adds, a little bit later:
“I should have let you take me hostage and run away, but I …”
He closes his eyes and bites his lips. Liu Hua thinks she knows this feeling, it’s the same she had when he put the jade token into her palm and invited her to Cloud Recesses. Despite her resolve, despite her knowing, she caved into weakness.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters and his voice breaks a bit. “I wanted answers...I didn’t want to lose someone else and end this circle of pain—.”
She laughs, the rejection hurts. Her anger is free, it has no target anymore, so it hits randomly. So she hates Qiangsi for what he has given her: hope that he might like her despite everything. And she hates herself for thinking this way too. They are fools. They should stop.
“What circle of pain? I have no one else, if I died no one would have sought justice for me! That’s the whole point! It would have very much ended with me! You didn't’ have to do anything!”
This is just an excuse and besides, it’s pointless. She had the time to reflect while being locked up, she is still very much afraid of death, but what’s the point of dragging him along with her? Her qualms were against Teacher, not him, making Qingheng-Jun suffer had only been worth it when Teacher could see it. That’s not the case now. She is gone, gone gone gone. And she will never come back. He should be free of this suffering!
Qingheng-Jun looks at her with pity. Gone is his adoration. Gone is his love, she hopes too. Liu Hua sends the final strike to make sure it is:
“Besides, I won’t live long.”
She rolls up her sleeve and shows the mark on her arm. It is still small, and hasn't grown as much as she expected it, but it is still larger than when it first appeared.
Qingheng-Jun doesn’t say anything, but his eyes open wide and he gets closer, his fingers almost touch her skin, then curl in, not daring.
“It is not a birthmark?”
She laughs, she supposes it could pass as one, for now. But it won’t.
“It’s the curse. I’m as good as dead. See? So return to your hypocritical clan, let them hide everything, the slaughter, the curse, me...Let them execute me. I’m done anyways. I’ve had what I wanted.”
So please go away. Let me die alone and don’t give me a smile, don’t give me hope. I’m scared of dying. I don’t want you to see me like this. Stop trying to fix the mess I am. She doesn’t turn to face him, but before he goes she hears him whispers:
“But I haven’t.”
And then the door closes.
***
Qingheng-Jun, or should she say Qiangsi, now that they are married, is the most stubborn man she knows. Not only does he not follow her advice, but he apparently decided to ruin his life too. Lan Qiren went to her prison and accused her of his brother’s decision to go into seclusion with her. Life imprisonment, that’s what the elders decided she deserved. And apparently Qingheng-Jun stated that he would bear the crime with her, as the tragedy happened due to his carelessness, as she is his wife and so he should share the burden…
“He said he won’t go out until we clear either yours or Teacher’s name! But what is there to clear?!”
She hates it, but she agrees with Lan Qiren, all has been said and done, the witnesses are all dead, the proof was concealed or lost. There’s nothing left. Everyone has their own opinion on the matter and they won’t change their mind.
“You’re stupid,” she says to him, when he shows her the houses he built for them for (or maybe ordered to be built?).
It’s some nice prison. But it’s still a prison.
“I’m sorry,” he replies.
The first night she spends in this house, locked up, with him as a neighbor, she hears him sob and cry. So she rolls to the side of her bed and hides her head under the pillow as guilt fills the hole in her chest.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers too, again and again.
She really wishes she could have found a way to have both her vengeance and him not being hurt. But she hasn’t. And now it’s too late to regret. And it's sad to say, but she has worked on anger for so long that it is still her first reflex. Abandon me! Why don’t you? You’re making yourself miserable when no one asked you to be! Not me! Do you think I will be grateful? That I'll love you back? Do you think you can fix me? No one can! You’ll just end up as broken as me! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!
You’re such an idiot.
Days merge into weeks, weeks blurs into months and she remains locked here.
There’s very few visitors during winter, and even when there are, they usually go for Qingheng-Jun house, without stopping at her home. They deliver food rations to him, books too. Once, or twice she sees the little disciple she saw at the infirmary, so many months ago, the clumsy girl. She looks ill and stares at her with big frightened eyes. Yet she still puts down a scroll and squeak:
“If you need anything, like a book or a music instrument, just write it down here, we will try to provide you with it.”
“I’m a prisoner, you know?” She reminds her.
“Yes, but Teacher said that prisons are meant to put away the people who are dangerous for society and protect the innocent from them. It’s not a torture room. You’re not supposed to suffer here.”
Such mentality baffles Liu Hua. Again with Teacher’s wise words, maybe the woman should have followed her own words.
“I’m supposed to do what then? Reflect on my wrong doing?”
“That’s what seclusion is for,” says the little girl, and she frowns, focusing on the situation: “You’re sentenced to be here for life, so I don’t think you have to. People in seclusion reflect to come back, you’re not supposed to come back.”
Her analysis is so raw and so simple it hurts. But Liu Hua appreciates the honesty and the somewhat kindness.
“Didn’t you like your Teacher? Don’t you resent me?” She asks, still.
The little girl looks at her with pity:
“Teacher isn’t sad anymore, they’re dead, dead people don’t suffer. But you’re sad now. You shouldn’t hate people who are suffering, you should help them. It’s the righteous thing to do.”
She is going to be eaten alive in the future, if she feels sorry for every sad person she meets, even those who she knows don't deserve it. But the little girl is right, Liu Hua is sad. She feels lonely. And she is weak. This clumsy girl is the only one that talks to her, the others do as if Liu Hua is invisible. So she lets her think what she wants and enjoys the attention. Let the little girl be of use.
“Can you bring me enough so I could write?” She asks.
She does. And so Liu Hua starts writing. At first she writes poems but soon runs out of motivation. How can she write about the beauty of life? She doesn’t see it. Why should she write about the atrocity of it? It would only depress her and make her wallow in her own misery. Yet writing makes time fly. So she forces herself to write. Anything, until she runs out of paper and ink and has to ask for more again.
Unfortunately clumsy-girl doesn’t come often—she gathers from the other disciples' conversations that the little girl is sent here only when punished.
So most of the time Liu Hua is alone.
At first Liu Hua thinks she will go crazy, trapped here. She is trapped and she cannot train, she cannot run away, she cannot do anything but think and face what she has done. She starts writing about the Xue’s knowledge that is stuck inside her brain, because there’s just nothing else she can write safely without it impacting her mental health. Sometimes it’s okay, she can live with it, she doesn’t regret it. Sometimes however, she hates herself and the clan for it, she doubts. That’s the hardest when it happens.
It starts the same way: why is the sword wound not matching? And she thinks about the points they made during the trial and hates that it makes sense, why would Teacher keep her ribbon but change swords?
Then it continues: maybe your father, mother and teacher had an arrangement, and she thinks about all the small moments and precious interactions she witnessed between her parents and wonders. Was it romantic? Did she miss it? Was she that blind? She could be after all, she didn’t see Teacher’s betrayal coming either.
It always ends the same way: what if you killed an innocent, just like the curse? And she thinks of the pain she inflicted to Lan Qiangsi and his brother. It would mean that the killer of her father is out and alive and she has no clue, no idea and no means to get to him, ever again. She refuses to believe that. She won’t live with that. Because then she won’t be able to live with herself, she won’t be able to face her family in death, or Qingheng-Jun in life.
For her sake, she has to be right. She has to believe she is right and never doubt she killed a guilty person.
It's too dangerous as these kinds of thoughts turn anger into pain, pain into sadness, sadness into despair. In those moments she almost wants to run away in the snowstorm and let herself be swallowed by the winter. But she doesn’t do that, because every time, she remains scared of death.
She doesn’t understand why. She has nothing left. She accomplished her goal. She has no future. Why does she still cling to it? Why can’t she be brave enough and kill herself before the curse kills her as an enemy of her own family?
She wishes she was a braver person.
Some nights she hears Qingheng-Jun and she feels the same. During the day, when Lan Qiren visits—he is the only one brave enough to still come despite the weather apparently, he is the one who brings them food. Those times there are shouts.
At first Qiangsi tries to tell her about the investigation about his teacher, they buried the body, he says, they are sorting their stuff and trying to find clues, anything that could—but when he sees her expression he stops and focuses on other matters, how the investigation is going. They interrogated the two persons who were dying from the curse, the only one who had been there that day.
“They said they went with a delegation to talk things out, that Teacher had been there to talk some sense to the Xue Leader and failed—then they realized they were about to give the Iron Yin to the Wen and so they killed the Xue. Teacher led the troops and once the Xue were done and they made sure the Iron Piece wouldn’t be found, they went back to Cloud Recesses...But then it’s unclear. One of them said they were going back to Cloud Recesses when they heard the merchant camp was attacked, the other said they had orders to kill the merchants in case some Xue remained among them—maybe, maybe Teacher tried to come back and stop them and maybe your father attacked because he thought they were enemy and—”
“How convenient, now it’s my father who is at fault when he is the one who has been killed.” She mocks. “I don’t want to hear the rest,” she admits.
And so Qingheng-Jun stops. He never speaks of Teacher after that.
She feels guilty about it, after all he offered to her to speak about her deceased family once, he admitted that he needed to remind himself of the deceased to grieve. But she cannot do that, she cannot listen to him and speak so highly of the person she hates the most, the person she killed. She cannot take the risk to hear the investigation is clearing Teacher’s name and sullied her hand with the blood of an innocent, of a family member. She cannot tolerate him saying that maybe Teacher might be innocent, that Liu Hua killed an innocent. She cannot allow herself to think so—she doesn’t think so. She stands her ground.
Teacher betrayed the Xue clan and killed her father, so Liu Hua betrayed Qingheng-Jun and killed her.
Though she can see Qiangsi’s health declining, where he once had been so healthy and strong he is now thin and always sad. Gone is his radiant smile, so is the light in his eyes.
She is responsible for that. So she says:
“I don’t know much about Inquiry...But your sect elders didn’t show any respect to your Teacher...So I suppose they called her spirit by her death name…”
Qingheng-Jun looks up and she avoids his gaze:
“Maybe that’s why she hadn’t answered their call.”
“They didn’t have a name...though. When I met them, they told me to call them Teacher, that was what they wanted to be and nothing else.”
“Then just do so, call her Teacher.”
This is the most she can do to him, give him the hope that maybe, just maybe, his beloved teacher isn’t completely gone. That maybe if Qingheng-Jun tries to live long enough, he will meet her again when she reincarnates. Liu Hua hates the very idea, but she hates to see him wither and die even more. It’s her way of apologizing, since she cannot bring herself to say it to his face.
Teacher is gone, she should stop causing pain and spreading destruction.
After that, she hears him play often at night, strange notes that make no sense as a melody so she assumes they are Inquiry. She supposes no one answers the call, as he keeps playing for a few days and it breaks Liu Hua’s heart as she feels the music getting more desperate, pleading.
Please, please answer me. Don’t leave me alone with only doubts. It seems to say.
Teacher doesn’t answer. Of course, because why would she? She is a monster, she betrays people, she betrayed the Xue, the merchants, why would she care about Lan Qiangsi? Liu Hua decides, one night that she has enough, and so she whistles back a note. I’m not a monster like you, she thinks. She shouldn’t do that, she shouldn’t give him hope. She shouldn’t act on her affection now. But she doesn’t want Qiangsi to suffer any longer and be abandoned by everyone. Rumors once said about him that he hates the idea of people dying alone, even resentful ghosts and fierce corpses. He should be extended the same courtesy. Since no one is willing to do it, she will.
That’s how they start.
They spend all the winter talking like this, through music. She learns the Inquiry notes and sings back while he plays. They make a sound that fills the void and the silence of seclusion. They say words here, that they can’t say aloud to each other, that goes beyond insult and resentment, past guilt and apologies. It goes beyond words.
It reminds her of that day on the canal, on the boat. The moment they shared there feels so far away.
I have been happy here, she realizes. And she cries on the same night as she thinks: Why couldn’t I make the jump, back then? But she doesn’t allow herself to give in to these thoughts, as it’s the past. And it’s gone. She missed the occasion. And even if she had the chance to do it again, she isn’t sure she would choose differently, because if Teacher was standing right in front of her, yet again she would stab her. She didn’t stab her enough when she had the occasion. She is that weak. Just like the day her resolve melted, the jade token in her palms. She is weak. She starts to believe she will always be.
Life isn’t all bad thanks to the songs. Yes, the first days she had rolled out in anger, screamed into pillows and broke a few things, half driven mad by the stillness… but as snow melts away and springs rise, she gets better. She gets a pattern for her day, she works out, she writes the Xue’s memories, she eats her meal and sees clumsy-girl when she is here and then talks to Qiangsi through their song. It’s not much but it helps.
She asked Lan Qiangsi about seclusion and she is forced to admit that it does her some good, it forces her to face things she pushed at the back of her mind for so long. About her family, about the grief, about her way of handling things.
She always turns to anger, always has. She always redirected her emotions for one purpose, on one target. First it had been her father, he didn’t want her to be a cultivator so she was angry at him. Then after the slaughter happened she hated the killer, she briefly battled with hating and blaming the Xue and the leader. It’s her way. She is aware of that now. It doesn’t mean she can do much about it though: seclusion does some good, but it mostly does bad.
Now she knows how she works, she can see her flaws. Now in the middle of the night, with her anger running wild she has to fight not to redirect it to a new target. She doesn’t want to hate Qiangsi but sometimes she does, for his stupid plan to save her, his stupid idea to marry her to prolong her agony. She fights this. She wins this battle but not the war. She has to hate someone. It’s Lan Qiangsi, herself or the Lan. So she chooses to hate the Lan sect as a whole.
Spring helps her run away from her troubles again, she uses her old method to keep her mind busy to avoid the dark thoughts. She cannot go out much, there’s something dug into the ground that makes her faint when she goes past a certain point but she can wander in her garden and plant flowers. She decides to go for gentians. Blue ones.
“I thought you liked red lilies, poppies and chrysanthemums,” Qiangsi says when they bloom. They can see each other by their window but they rarely speak to one another so directly, they work with songs as it’s easier to convey their emotions.
“I lied,” she tells him. “I used those flowers to poison you both and make you unable to use your spiritual power like usual. I’m sorry.”
Yet, Teacher still overpowered her and he did too.
Qiangsi doesn’t look at her and simply turns around, returning to his meditation. She hears him cry and break things that night too. She wishes sometimes, she could go to his house and hold him close, comfort him. But she doubts he would let her. Doubts he would want her to. In his place she would hate her. She doesn’t understand why he doesn’t yet. So the next days, as she tends to her flowers, she tells him:
“Gentians have many good uses, they help when you’re feeling down but also for digestive troubles and other things. I could brew you something that might help. Not poison this time.”
“Is that why you’re planting it?”
“No. It’s because gentians thrive on mountain ground. And I like them. I like the color blue..”
And she hesitates but thinks there has been enough deception and lies between them, she owes him the truth now.
“And because when gentians grow, if the ground is good enough, yellow flowers bloom sometimes. It looks like a yellow gentian but it is not. It’s poisonous.”
“Are you planning to kill someone again? To poison me?”
He looks at her and his gaze says: would you continue killing if you go out? She cannot hold it, because she cannot say bluntly yes or no to this. She doesn’t know. But it hurts to know that he believes she would kill him too. She hates the Lan sect, for what they are doing, covering up their crime, the origin of the curse, locking up their sect leader who did nothing wrong but fall in love with the wrong person. But she doesn’t hate him. She couldn’t, despite all her efforts.
“I want to have options,” she finally says. “I don’t want to be killed by the curse, like an enemy of my family.”
She has no more goal to drive her forward, all she can do is stand still and survive because she is too scared to kill herself yet, and the Lan can’t execute her thanks to Qingheng-Jun. She doesn’t know if in the future she will have more courage to finally do it, maybe she never will, but she wants the assurance that she could if she ever wishes. This is the only kind of freedom she can have still.
Qingheng-Jun doesn’t say anything after that but he does not forbid her to grow gentians either, so she supposes he is giving her a silent authorization.
Not long after that, Lan Qiren visits his brother again and he doesn’t even try to hide as he states:
“The curse has stopped spreading, there are no more new cases for the first time since it has appeared.”
Liu Hua hasn’t been aware it was one of the Lan clan’s concerns but to be frank she didn’t give much attention to this part of the trial. When she talked about the curse, they pointed fingers and called her a murderer, said again that she killed many more than just the teacher and so she should be put to death. They talked about a war if it ever got out that they found the culprit of the curse and let her marry in. But she didn’t listen to their nonsense.
Did they somehow convince themselves that Liu Hua had control over the curse, that her imprisonment is the reason behind the curse slowing down? Can’t they even read a damn curse array right?
“It’s because all the culprits behind the slaughters are dead.” She says, to clear her name.
And the timing is perfect, she killed Teacher and only a few months later the curse stops? Isn’t that the best proof there might be against Teacher? The proof that Liu Hua had been right? It will certainly help her sleep better at night. But of course, Lan Qiren doesn’t read the events that way at all:
“There were two new cases of the curse right after Teacher’s murder. Cases only stopped when you were locked down.”
His gaze focused on his brother he declares:
“What more proof do you need? She is guilty. Let go of her, stop this nonsense and come back!”
But Qingheng-Jun doesn’t listen. He doesn’t come back. In their music she asks him why, and he tells her: How can I trust their words? Did people really stop dying? They lied before and lied and lied...Everybody lies. I do not know who to trust anymore.
She doesn’t know what to say to him. Would it matter if she did? She lied to him too.
Notes:
We're almost there!! The next chapter is the last one of the flash back!! I want to thank you for bearing with the flash back for so long, it allowed me to get a little bif of chapters written in advance and to rest. So thank you very much =D
See you on friday for the last chapter of the flash back =)
Teacher is following the purity path like Lie Xian in TGCF (the other story of the author of Grandmaster of demonic cultivation). I've wanted to inclue this purity cultivation path for a while (as long as Wei Changze believing Dual cultivation is a legit cultivation path). I hated the concept when i read it in tgcf because i wanted the heroes to well...you know. But on the other hand, i love this cultivation path because if cultivation was real i would definitely goes for this one. Being asexual, not smoking, not drinking, yeah i would be an awesome purity path cultivator mwahahaha. Easy peasy!
Though despite following the purity path ; Teacher does use technique from both the Lan sect and the Xue clan. It's a mindset / way to get stronger cultivation not a rigid set of techniques after all.
Chapter 94: Liu Hua and Lan Qiangsi - Final Part
Notes:
Hello everyone !! HEre we are, the last part of the flash-back. I can't tell you how much i was looking forward to end this flash back while writing it. I very much needed fluff back in my life. And there will be some in this part (because babies Lan are back =°). It's still sad, but i hope this little bit of sweetnesss will make you smile a bit. I want tot hank you all for all the comment last chapters, it made me very happy <3
Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie made an excellent job beta-reading this chapter once again too =) By the way, i gave them the authorzation to answer you in the comment, so don't hesitate to reply to them if they gather the courage to do so ^^
Now i leave you with :
Complete trigger warning for this chapter :
-Death (obviously)
-Rape (it will not be described but i will not say it's not a rape when it is one.)
-Seclusion / Life emprisonment (obviously)
-Curse treated as deadly disease
-Betrayal / Abusing of trust
-Parental neglect
-Binary and ableist mentality (binary = which means people thinks it's black or white without nuance. Ableist = which means you unfairly treat people with disability)As usual do not hesitate to skip if it make syou uncomfortable, i will provide a summary next chapter so you can continue the fic still ^^
And the Previous chapter summary --> Liu Hua killed Teacher. She took Lan Qiren hostage to be able to witness the Teacher's death and be sure of it. Halas, that also meant she couldn't escape after it. The Lan captured her and in the midst of the chaos that followed, Qingheng-Jun declaared them married in order for her to not be killed right on spot. Liu Hua hadn't been grateful for that ; if she didn't wnat to die, her life is doomed, as she is suffering from the curse. But Qingheng-Jun wanted answer ; and so he asked for her to be brought into a trial. Of course it didn't work the way theyoung sect elader imagined it ; Liu Hua showed her worst side, hurting for the sake of hurting, accusing everyone and especially Teacher. The Lan elders refused to listen and t was unclear if some proof had been lost on purpose, or not. In the end they all got out with doubts and no answer. The sword scar on Liu Hua's chest didn't match Teacher's sword, the ribbon was lost, elders suggested Teacher had loved Liu Hua's parents...Everything is very confusing and it didn't help that Teacher's soul shattered, making them unable to ask them the truth. In the end, Liu Hua was sentenced to seclusion for life, and Qingheng-Jun decided to share the sentence. Being stuck as neighboor for a whole winter and the spring allowed them to tlak things through...but that didn't make them feel any better at all and the gap between them only seemed to get deeper and deeper. It doesn't help that the curse which plagued the cultivation world disappeared soon after her emprisonment...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Things change for the worst when one day she sees Lan Qiren run to his brother’s house once again. It’s an usual sight, the boy often comes and invites himself into his brother’s seclusion. She gathered that he is taking over his brother’s duty as sect leader and needs guidance and so he has permission. Or maybe the Lan sect refuses to acknowledge the punishment and still says Qingheng-Jun is the sect leader, despite him being locked up. She wouldn’t be surprised if they do.
What she doesn’t expect though is to hear sobs coming from inside the house soon after. She has not much to do here: it’s hard to not listen, so she does. And she doesn’t have the full picture but she gets the idea: the Lan Clan is trying to force Lan Qiren to marry. They are pressuring a boy that has yet to be crowned to assume not only his big brother’s responsibility as sect leader but also to produce a new heir. And the boy is terrified.
She can’t help but feel the bile rising up to her throat. Those Lan elders! So righteous indeed! They are a bunch of hypocrites, forever in denial. As she catches her bad habit resurfacing, she tries to suppress it.
She never quite bonded with Qiren, didn’t allow herself before she betrayed Qingheng-Jun and after she hurt the boy too deeply. Qiangsi told her, this winter, that in a way they are both very similar to one another. She didn’t get it until now. But now she does.
She never really felt the need to have a husband, children or build a family. She mocked her sister when Liu Mei admitted wanting such things even. Liu Hua loved before but she didn’t know back then, she knows now. She probably liked Xue Hei a tiny bit and she likes Qiangsi, in a way. Just not… the right way. When she wandered on the road many rogue cultivators complained about being lonely and she thought she got it, because she felt lonely too. But maybe they had meant more than her back then. Maybe they had been lonely in a way she never had been. She doesn’t mind the idea of kissing, sometimes she remembers the way Qiangsi’s lips curves, the way his smile used to be so radiant, the happiness in his eyes and she feels the need to kiss away the hurt on his face, to smooth the brow of his forehead… But she almost always stops herself from thinking so. She thinks it has more to do with the guilt she feels for hurting him than any desire she might have for him though.
Liu Hua is not sure she wants to know what Qiangsi will do for his brother. Once, she thought she would be happy if they acted upon their mutual attraction, that they would get over it thanks to that. Mostly because she would be executed right after it and so would free him from her presence. Now that she is facing the possibility, she is scared.
She will have to deal with that. Qiangsi will have to deal with that. They will live with this act. She doesn’t want it. She is scared of the consequences. The consequences are a human being, a baby.
She never wanted a family, it’s Liu Mei’s dream, not hers. He doesn’t want to sleep with her, he is doing it for his brother. This is a disaster in the making she knows, she made enough mistakes in her life to recognize one.
She spends the rest of the day thinking about what if. She half convinces herself that Qiangsi will come to her house the very same night and try to figure out what she feels about it. But he doesn’t. It takes him three days before he gathers the courage to do so.
“You once said you do not love me. Is it still the case?” He asks her.
“Yes.” She replies, because this is true, she still does not love him enough, if given the choice, she would still hurt him and kill his teacher.
For as long as she feels that way what she feels cannot be rightfully called love. It is not right to make him believe this lie, when lies are currently destroying him. She won’t ever lie to him again.
Qiangsi’s expression falls and his fists curl on his robe.
“I know I promised I would never touch you ever, if you did not want it, that this marriage was nothing but a means to save your life but—”
He pauses, looking for his words.
“I…” He closes his mouth, his eyes and takes a deep breath in. When he opens up again, she knows what he will say. “I can’t let my actions hurt my brother any further.”
It hurts to hear that. She understands him to a certain extent, it’s true. She hurt him, she doesn’t deny it. She hurt him on purpose, used him and in a sense, it feels right that he returns the favor. A part of her mind thinks she owes him that much. The other is revulsed, betrayed again because she thought better of him, because she had hoped he cared enough for her to not even consider it. That he would keep his words. The other part thinks: He doesn’t love you enough to make the jump too.
Of course, how could she compare with his family? His own brother?
“So you chose your brother over me.”
She did the very same, choosing her revenge over him. She gets that. It's just that until now Lan Qiangsi has always chosen her over everything because he said he loved her. And now she knows the limit of that love. The choice of words, however, makes Qiangsi chuckle dryly.
“Why is it always like this with you two? Why is it always choosing a side and barring the other everytime?” But then he shakes his head and resumes: “Yes, if you want to see it like this, this is what it is. My brother never betrayed me. I can’t do this to him.”
So this is how things are going to be. Liu Hua thinks about it, she feels out of her own body. She fought this attraction she felt for him so hard, she always refused to use her charm to manipulate Qingheng-Jun, she didn’t want to lose this part of herself. Not that she values it that much but it had been important to the child she once was, that she became a cultivator, not a bride.
Well she became a cultivator. Now she is a bride too. In a twisted way. They made her bow three times before she got imprisoned here. She didn’t have the tablets for her family though.
Does she want this? With Qingheng-Jun? She honestly doesn’t know. She wanted before, like a coward right before dying. She thinks she would still if there was no revenge, no betrayal between them, maybe. If there were no consequences to their action. If he didn’t do it because his brother needs him to do so. She cannot erase all that has happened, her choices and his choices. Maybe it is pleasant to think about but it’s not real. There will be consequences. It will destroy who she used to be. It will destroy him. She felt good with him, happy, in the few months they spent together, almost courting but not quite. But now she feels terrible. Maybe it’s selfish of her to change her mind but he never knew before, right? She always faked it, making him think she would never. So it shouldn’t surprise him as much, right? He should expect the rejection! He shall never know she once wanted it. She will never let him know that and be aware that she changed her mind.
“And if I refuse to sleep with you, if I refuse to bear your children and heirs, what will you do? Rape me?”
Qiangsi has the decency to admit:
“Yes.”
She bites her lips to not let a twisted smile show. She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It hurts.
“You do realize that if I say yes now, it is still a rape, since you leave me no choice.”
“Yes.”
So he realizes it. Good, he won’t be able to hide under the excuses, to deny it. This time she can’t help but grin, her cheeks hurting, her anger flaring inside her chest. The anger she feels against herself for feeling the way she feels and suddenly for changing her mind and not wanting this, she lets it find a new target. She hates him. She hates herself. She hates this situation. She hates the world.
“Well I guess you Lan are all the same,” she declares, bitterly.
Qiangsi—no Qingheng-Jun —blinks and then, his shoulder slump in defeat.
“I guess we are.”
She lets him do what he wants. She doesn’t have a choice anyways. Maybe, she wanted it once, before, but she does not now.
“You don’t need to see the rest of this—” the voice says, resigned, as the memory fades away.
***
After that, they lose whatever they had managed to build during the winter and spring. They do not speak more than they have to. She calls him husband sometimes, when she feels he forgets that he is coercing her and he apologizes but still continues to visit her at night. She relapses into anger and resentment.
The ugly side of her is content with the situation: just like it hurts at first but she finds a bit of pleasure in the act over time. But it makes her hate herself and so she redirects the anger toward Qingheng-Jun to protect her sanity. That is also very satisfying: once again she has a target to hate. Especially since she has every right to do so, her anger is legitimate, justified, like her desire for revenge. He is in the wrong. It also makes things even in her mind, she hurts him, he hurts her back. Before winter she was the one who had to say sorry every time she saw him and now it’s the other way around. She is not the only one to blame for their misery now. They both share responsibility.
The rest of her is just horrified by her thought process and the whole situation .
It doesn’t take long for her to get pregnant and she is lucky enough to not suffer from it. Once it’s sure she is bearing an heir, Qingheng-Jun stops seeing her, he still plays music and sometimes she answers him with a whistle or a song but the window remains closed. She can’t see him anymore. He hides away in shame.
Maybe it’s for the best, she doesn’t want to see him either. She doesn’t want to see anyone. When there’s people she feels like her body is not her own anymore. They took everything from her, from her family, to her own self. She hates them.
They take and they take.
Lan healers come to check on her regularly, it’s the first time she has an official visit in her seclusion. And it’s all for the sake of the heir. She cannot fight the anger from growing, as much as her belly.
They choose their moment well, right? To ask for an heir. They waited to make sure the curse was over so it could not be passed down to the children she might give birth to!
When Lan Qiren eventually comes to apologize, she snaps at him, and laughs, bitterly. If Qingheng-Jun cannot hide behind excuses, then neither can Lan Qiren! What do you think would have happened? Was it truly a mistake on his part? Is he sure he didn’t manipulate his brother to get revenge on her?
“I won’t blame you for it, I understand the need for revenge. You and I are quite the same.”
Lan Qiren runs out of the door after that, he doesn’t come back. She regrets her words later, as she lies awake in the middle of the night. Did he really manipulate his brother? Or was he scared? Why is she like this?
Why are they all like this? Why does everything hurt? Her revenge was supposed to end everything, so it wouldn’t hurt anymore.
At least she doesn’t suffer from her pregnancy, physically, but her mind is all over the place every night. She is not used to having people around anymore, she hates being touched now too, but they don’t care about her feelings. They care about the heir’s well being. She is a murderer, so what if she hates being groped and checked? She is lucky she is even alive to begin with, they whisper.
She wonders where the little girl that dared to speak to her went. She was sent here as a punishment, so she should be happy to not see her, it means she is well… but she misses having someone who does not look at her with scorn. Someone who doesn’t think she is an object that should be used until it breaks. Once, she asks about her. And the old healer who is in charge tells her:
“She Qi deviated.”
And then leaves it at that. Liu Hua is left stunned, with a strange sense of grief. Is this how they treat their children? Is this really the clan she is giving an heir to?
She caresses her belly sometimes, half amazed by it, half scared. She never thought about becoming a mother, she doesn’t think she will be very good. It was Liu Mei’s wish, not hers. But Liu Mei is dead and she is alive, and somehow Liu Hua thinks she wants to try, in her sister’s stead. It was also probably what her father and mother wanted her to become, instead of being a cultivator. Even if she didn’t want the child in the first place, she wants them to be as loved as she once was, she wants them to know about their grandparents. She thinks of what Qingheng-Jun once said, that day on the boat at Caiyi, how those she lost survive through her, in her every day gestures, in the way she acts and thinks, and that will be passed down to her children too, and so on and so on. She wants to believe that. She wants her family to survive that way. That’s the good days though.
The bad days she remembers this child will be a Lan. That he will be raised as a Lan, as the heir, and what will stop the elders to do exactly what they did to Qingheng-Jun, all over again? What will prevent them from lying? From manipulating them? From pressuring them? To beat them into submission and brainwash them, making them believe they are always right and righteous, when they’re not?
Me, that will be me, she swears, those nights the idea won’t let go.
Lan Huan is born at the very beginning of the autumn as leaves just start to fall from the trees. His name has already been chosen by Qingheng-Jun, she learns about it as the healer shows him to his colleagues to announce the safe birth. It’s an easy delivery, as easy as the pregnancy, it’s like the little boy knows how much struggle is waiting for him in the future and so is already trying to smooth things up. She spends a long time marveling at his tiny toes, the way his little hands curl around her finger and the expression of contentment on his face.
He is beautiful.
Liu Hua never wanted to be a mother. She never cared about babies, not even giving Zhang's toddler more than a glance at despite the fact that it has technically been her cousin. She didn’t understand why people cooed at these tiny creatures when they couldn’t even keep clean by themselves. But the moment she sees her baby she cannot help but love him completely. Liu Hua’s life has been emptied the moment she accomplished her revenge. Her life has ended the same way it had after the slaughter, in every way but in the physical realm. Devoid of any goal and aim, the anger in her heart roared and snapped at everything. But now, oh now, Lan Huan accomplished the little miracle of turning all this anger into something new, something warm and fuzzy: joy.
“Just like a tiny golden core,” she whispers hugging him close.
Even Qingheng-Jun, at his best, with the adoration in his eyes and his radiant smile, never managed to make her feel like this. They were almost happy during these few months, almost being the key word. Here and now? Liu Hua is happy.
She can picture the future, she can see this tiny boy growing, she wants to teach him how to speak, how to walk, how to cultivate! She wants him to smile like his father stopped doing. She wants to tell him about her family and cannot wait to see what he will look like. Suddenly the future is not empty, like the house she is trapped in. Suddenly her plans are not the same, raise up, workout, write about the Xue, eat, sleep. It’s full of surprises, it’s full of discovery.
She falls asleep with her baby close. When she wakes up, however, Lan Huan is gone. It takes her an awful long moment to understand that no, he has not rolled out of her bed and ended up somewhere she could not see, someone took him. Lan servants.
Liu Hua loses all reason and rushes outside as fast as she can, forgetting all about her tired body or the array around her house that is supposed to prevent her from leaving. When she comes to again and opens her eyes, she is back to her bed. Qiangsi is there, looking at her with concern and talking but she doesn’t understand a thing he is saying. She doesn’t really care, she is sure he is with them in this, he must have ordered to take her baby from her, so he would not be raised by a murderer. After all he didn’t want Lan Huan, he reluctantly agreed to it because the clan needed an heir, because of Lan Qiren. So she pushes him away and snaps. Give him back, give him back, you took my family already, isn’t one enough? Why must you rob me of my family again? Give back my baby! Must he take everything from her?
Qingheng-Jun’s eyes widen at the accusation and his expression hardens suddenly.
“Do not move,” he orders her, the same way he did that day in the forest. “I will bring him back.”
He leaves the room and so she waits. She waits for hours. Her breast hurts, there’s no baby to feed. Where is Lan Huan? Do they take good care of him? How? They didn’t take care of Qingheng-Jun and Qiren at all! They gave them away to a murderess! Can’t they do it again? Can’t they give her son back to her? She will take good care of him! Night falls and she doesn’t dare fall asleep again in fear that someone might enter her home and take something from her again. She has nothing left to give but her brain doesn’t want to understand that. It’s at dawn that Qingheng-Jun finally comes back, holding Lan Huan in his arms.
She rushes to him and takes back her baby, half sobbing, half smiling. Poor Lan Huan whines at all this agitation and she showers him with butterfly kisses to appease him.
It takes a long time for her to calm down and realize that for sure, Lan Huan is here and he will stay. No one is stealing him away. It takes her a long time to stop watching her son and look at her husband again.
“What happened?”
Qingheng-Jun’s face is as cold as stone.
“It doesn’t matter, it won’t happen again.”
She knows what this means, the Lan Clan thought they could just take her baby and raise him with a nanny. She hugs her son tighter against her chest.
“Will you be able to make sure they won’t?” She insists.
Because it took him a complete night to retrieve their newborn! Qingheng-Jun’s confidence shatters at that and he can only mutters:
“I will try.”
This is not good enough, she wants him to make sure of it, but this is all she has right now. She realizes as the silence lingers between them that it’s the first time she has seen him in nine months. That it's the first time he has seen their son too. A part of her is reluctant to show him, not after what he had done. What if he hurts Lan Huan the same way he hurts her?
What if you hurt your baby the same way you hurt his father? A voice whispers in the back of her mind too.
Qingheng-Jun had stricken her as a family man back then, on the boat in Caiyi, so long ago. He talked about his mother, about his hope, his belief that the loved ones could survive through their lineage. He also returned her baby to her. And if she is honest, it’s the first kind act someone did to her since too way too long. She longs to have it back, just a tiny bit of herself, of before. Because honestly there’s not much left right now.
So she does the first step this time and shows his son to him:
“Do you want to hold him?”
Qingheng-Jun takes one look at the baby, his eyes caressing the tiny form, his fingers almost reaching. He already carried him back to his mother’s house but this is different. This is a peace offering between them, a truce, a way to maybe say: let’s give us a chance. But then his eyes drift to Liu Hua and his expression falls.
“No.”
And he stands up and returns to his house without further ado. He leaves mother and son alone in the house and Lan Huan whimpers in her arms, as if he could already understand that he is being abandoned.
The house suddenly feels so big and she feels so small, all alone, with her baby in her arms.
Liu Hua is first surprised, stunned by his reaction. Then she feels dejected and heart broken. Is it how you felt, that day, when I left you in the stairs of Cloud Recesses after your confession? But fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, sadness doesn’t stay long, soon enough bad habits take over once again and she ends up nothing but furious.
She hugs Lan Huan tighter and whispers to her son’s ears, in a comforting, soothing voice:
“It’s okay, A-Huan, if it's just you and me, we don’t need anyone else.”
Yet she knows that despite her best effort, there's a place she will never be able to fill in Qiangsi’s stead. Just like the hole in her chest, that has the shape of all she has lost will never disappear. But she will try, because she is nothing short on stubbornness.
What did Teacher say, once, so long ago, in what feels like another lifetime?
Ah, yes: she won’t give up until she has failed.
Well, she will prove them wrong again. Liu Hua really thrives the best when she has someone to fight. She really managed to be a cultivator despite all the odds, so maybe she can be a good mom for this little guy. He is worth it.
***
A-Huan is a very tame baby, a little blessing, and like his father: very expressive. Liu Hua loves him to the death. She once again understands her father’s words: you mean everything to me. A-Huan likes to catch her hair and pull it and his first laugh fills the emptiness of the room she lives in. Healers come and check on him regularly and they take the opportunity to check on Liu Hua’s curse too. It’s progressing very slowly but surely. She has now multiple marks on her four limbs that are growing but if it alters the strength and weakens her muscles, none has reached any vital organ and so she should be okay, they say, pulling a face. Something tells her they were hoping she would be dead so they would not have to go past Qingheng-Jun’s authority to get back their heir. She is happy to prove them wrong and make their life more difficult. For now they can’t take away Lan Huan, a baby is very fragile.
But she is aware that the moment Lan Huan is out of the age range where babies die easily, he will be brought out more often, if not completely, to be taught his sect’s rules. Part of her is furious at the thought but another is relieved he will not be locked in with Qiangsi and her. He deserves to know the world. As long as she can still see him and teach him to not trust the clan blindly. Lan Qiren already started coming from time to time, bringing books for his nephew.
He stays a bit each time, observing the baby crawling and inquiring about his development and health. Their conversations are… hard to come by. It always ends up the same way, one of them will say something hurtful and Lan Qiren will leave. But he comes back every time.
Part of Liu Hua is sure he always does because he doesn’t trust her with his nephew’s life and security. Which is fair, Liu Hua never managed to protect the person she cared about before and she hurt Lan Qiren in the past. She can understand his anger. She would accept it if he didn’t try too hard to hide it and just assumed it. But he is a Lan, he wears denial and hypocrisy like a second skin. Now as it is, she is just happy to prove him wrong every time he visits. She takes good care of her boy. He is perfect.
Qiangsi, at the very least, admitted his wrong and saw his excuses for what they are.
For now Liu Hua doesn’t care about the Lan sect. For once in her life she disregards her anger and focuses on happiness. She watches her son’s growth and is amazed by every tiniest action. Soon enough her home is filled with toys she makes for him, a tiny ball when he starts to crawl so he can chase after it, a tiny bamboo flute so he fakes answering his father’s songs too. She has to tell him several times he can’t eat flowers too. He likes flowers way too much.
His first words are of course Mommy (even though it sounds a bit more like mamy) and they spend hours baby talking. It’s during one of these sessions where she tries to teach Lan Huan new words that her throat suddenly dries and words are stopped at the front of her lips. She is surprised at first and tries again, to no avail.
And again. And again. Each time she cannot form the words, her lips shut tight.
She cannot talk to Lan Huan about her family. The story seems sealed. Furious she gives a toy to Lan Huan and rushes to her husband’s house, knocking furiously. The music stops, the sound is so common now she barely noticed he had been playing. Then Qiangsi opens up. He has changed, she hasn’t seen him in at least a year now. It’s not as bad as it had been the first winter but it’s definitely worse than before Lan Huan’s conception.
She steels her heart though, she is not here to pity him.
“I cannot talk about my—”
He raises an eyebrow and she clarifies:
“Their names, I cannot even say their names! I cannot even say I had—”
Understanding lights up his eyes but his expression remains closed up. He nods and explains:
“It’s the Lan clan’s ultimate silencing spell. Everyone involved in this mess is under the spell. We cannot afford the word to spread or it might cause a war.”
“Who might I talk to? I’m trapped here!!”
“It was the condition for you to keep the baby they came up with, they didn’t want you to slander the clan in front of A-Huan.”
“It’s not slandering if it’s the truth! And what does my—” She rages as the words are taken again but continues still: “—has to do with it!”
Qiangsi sighs and for the first time he takes a stance against her:
“They are the reason why you acted the way you did. How does it have nothing to do with it?”
“A-Huan has the right to know about his—”
“Well I wanted my children to be taught by Teacher!”
He stops, his expression morphing into pain. She roars:
“She is a murderess!” She roars, how can he even consider the idea of letting their baby be—
“And so are you!” He snaps back.
She stumbles and he doesn’t let her even take one breath in.
“If I don’t get the right to hide under excuses, neither do you.” He adds immediately. “Deal with it, you’re both murderers.”
And he closes his door, whispering:
“And despite that I can’t help but love you both still. This is my crime.”
She has known that. She is not blind, she has accepted the fact that avenging her parents would turn her into a murderer, a monster too. But it’s the first time the naked fact has been thrown at her face. No : it is incorrect, it had been during her trial. But it’s the first time someone she cares about said it. She doesn’t know what to think and say back, because it’s true, everything is true. But still, it feels so unfair that her baby will not know a whole part of his heritage! Wasn't her family supposed to survive that way? How is she supposed to accept that he will only know about the fake righteous Lan clan and nothing about the Xue or the caravans, the merchants, the people she wanted to avenge…
Her emotions swirling inside her chest, she returns to her house, where A-Huan has found her ink stone and started to make a mess of everything. She rushes to clean his hands before he puts it in his mouth and suddenly she looks at the paper. What about writing? Would this work? Like she does with the Xue’s knowledge? She thinks of the pile of paper she hides under the third plank near her bed.
She tries. It doesn’t work. The words fall short on her hands too, their meaning avoiding her and stopping her movement, forming big splotches on the scroll as she tries to catch it back. Frustrated and furious, she throws it away.
And try again the next day.
A-Huan looks at her, catching something is wrong, and puts his tiny hand on her cheek:
“No mommy, no.” He orders.
She understands his intent and smiles back to assure him that she will not cry. She kisses his tiny hands and keeps the sadness all inside. She also does not give up—when has she ever?— And tries to tiptoe around the limitation of the silencing spell.
She doesn’t manage either. She cannot say “my sister” instead of “your aunt”. She cannot make up a bedtime story, she can say “someone” or “a boy” or “a girl” but then it’s the event that she cannot describe. So she ends up telling A-Huan:
“I knew a boy once that had your voice.”
It’s far from what she wants to convey and when A-Huan asks further she cannot elaborate. It sends her spiralling down, whether she wants it or not. Before A-Huan turns two, she is obsessed with this limitation. It doesn’t help that Lan Qiren, backed up with elders, had come to her house and explained that soon enough A-Huan has to leave and live with them.
“He is old enough and it’s time to start his instruction as a cultivator.” they use it as an excuse.
She tells them so, but they cling to this sorry excuse. Without spiritual power, she cannot fight them. She tries to tell that Qiangsi would never let them but at that the elders scoff and smile, victorious:
“He doesn’t have a say in this anymore. Until he has proven he is able to take care of his child, the clan has judged him unfit to raise him and so has taken custody of the heir.”
She remembers this rule, it’s the same that Qiangsi’s father used. She draws a breath and despite herself she can’t help but feel pain for her stupid husband. He had smiled that day, when he told her about his father’s wisdom, but she has seen how much the decision had hurt him in his body language. And now he is forced to do the same. She knows he hasn’t looked or touched A-Huan at all in two years—and she doesn’t understand why, how he can resist their little blessing— but he played diligently everyday. And everytime A-Huan has used his bamboo flute to blow a note, he answered it. It had been a struggle for A-Huan to get that “music” doesn’t refer to his father.
“You cannot do that.” She whispers, and she looks at Lan Qiren—the reason why A-Huan is born in the first place—the only one that has not betrayed Lan Qiangsi among them. She repeats: “You cannot do that.”
Because if he does, then Lan Qiren betrays his brother too, and now, there’s no one Qiangsi can really trust anyone not to hurt him. He will never get out of there! Don’t you understand? If you do that, he has no one to come back to, just like me! Lan Qiren lowers his eyes and frowns at the orders:
“I don’t want that either but I couldn’t fight the elders’ decision. This law is made to be applied despite the family’s wish if it has to. I tried to convince my brother to get out of seclusion and fight to raise his son, but he refused.”
Why? She must asks the question aloud because Lan Qiren sends her a furious glare:
“Why indeed, he keeps choosing you over anyone else, is beyond me.”
“He would have given the world for you,” She snaps back.
He ruined what they could have had for Lan Qiren. But Lan Qiren doesn’t hear. She hates him for that. All her resentment for Qingheng-Jun finds a new target.
They take A-Huan. The boy cries like he never has before, trying to grab his mother with all his strength. She does too, but at some point she has to let him go or she will hurt him. She follows the troup until the very limit of her secluded garden, and stands by there until she cannot hear him anymore. She wanted to comfort her son and tell him not to worry, that he will come back, that they will see each other again, but words fail her.
She is not sure it’s the truth.
She lets tears roll down her face for a long time too, alone in the garden. There’s nothing she can do to have her baby back, she cannot go past this invisible line on the ground without fainting. She cannot fight. She tried to be the best mother possible to make them see, understand that she could do good, that there was more harm than good to take Lan Huan away. But it was not enough. So she stays there and contemplates how her anger is eaten by sadness and resignation. She stays there until night falls. And then, when she gets that she cannot stay there forever, that she has to come back to her house… her feet lead her to her husband’s front door once again.
“Go back.” She tells him, through the closed door. Go back to the Lan sect. Don’t stay here with me. Go back where our son is! She thinks. Please I know you lost Lan Qiren, but now you have your son, isn’t he enough?
Because somehow, the day her son was born her priority shifted and her son’s happiness has taken first place in everything, even over her own needs. If she knows he is fine, then so she is.
The music stops, she hasn’t realized he had started playing a soothing tune, she picks up the note but in the mess of her head doesn’t manage to translate their meaning.
“I can’t.” He answers.
“Why?”
“Because we’re in the middle of fighting with the elders. Qiren doesn't know how to deal with them, he never learned how to negotiate.”
“What negotiation?!”
“They do not want you to ever see A-Huan again, I said the boy needed to see his mother. But they refuse. As long as I remain in seclusion, they are forced to send him here to see me, and if he is sent, I can make sure he spends this time with you.”
She doesn’t know what to say.
“What about you? What about his father?”
“I would only ruin him. I ruin everything.”
Liu Hua doesn’t know where to start. What ruin? How?
“If I stay with him, if I interact with him, he will learn something… he will… I will influence him somehow. And look at me. I’m a terrible teacher. I’m a terrible example. He shouldn't. I can’t let him get anything from me—”
This...She thinks of what Teacher told a grieving child to ease his pain. How the words that once helped to move forward are dragging him down now. If he could only open the door and speak to her face, she would be able to evaluate his expression and maybe… But no.
“You’re stupid.” She whispers.
“I know.”
She is the one who ruins everything, yet Lan Huan loves her still. Qiangsi loves her still. He said so. It doesn’t matter in those kinds of situations, you can’t force people to stop feeling. Even if they interact, it won’t change a thing. Lan Huan is his son, no matter what he does and how much Qiangsi tries to prevent it, the boy will get some things from him. He has his damn eyes, his damn smile, already! There’s no fighting this! So he could at least get out and make sure the boy got the good qualities he has. But when she says that Qiangsi laughs and laughs like she said the funniest joke ever.
“Yes, let him have my naivety. Let him have my kind heart that makes you love those he shouldn’t. Let him think that he is strong but then crumble and not be able to stand at the first mistake! Let him have my genius everyone praised so much! Skills that made me feel all my life that people were too slow for everything yet when I needed it the most I was the one who didn’t understand a single thing and reacted too slow! Let him have all of that and ruin his future too!”
Liu Hua wants to slap him in the face.
“Let him have your ability to question what you’ve been told! To believe in others and doubt even those you love for the sake of truth! Let him have your ability to love despite everything, to find beauty even when no one else can!”
“Who would wish that for their child? How is that any good?”
She wishes. And kind of doesn’t wish it too. She doesn’t know. She isn’t sure. She wants him out, she wants him to listen to reason. It won’t work!
“They won’t be fooled long! They will understand what you’re doing and then they will make sure A-Huan cannot see you either—”
“They already know that it is just an excuse, but they think that I will yield at some point. They are proud and think of me as weak. They forget that another one of my flaws is that I’m more stubborn than all of them reunited. As long as I don’t yield, they will keep sending him in the hope of winning the fight one day. ”
He laughs, dryly.
“We stole enough from you.”
She wants to cry and presses her forehead against the wood of the door, defeated. She did this to him. She ruined him.
“And I stole enough from you too.”
They remain silent, because they don’t know how to give anything back to the other.
***
A-Huan is allowed to come back two times a week, at first. Lan Qiren leads him to his father’s door and Qiangsi does not open to them until Liu Hua opens her door and A-Huan runs to her arms. Only then, Qingheng-Jun lets his brother in. It couldn’t be more obvious. At first A-Huan spends his whole day crying and clinging to her. It breaks her heart to have to send him back.
“Is uncle mean to you?” She asks.
“No.” the boy sniffs.
She is glad he didn’t say yes, because she would have had to find a way out and kill Qiren if he did.
By the time Lan Huan is 3, the visits are lessened to four times a month. She writes him letters instead, hoping he would get it every day. But she does not receive enough visits to deliver them as often as she wants, so the messages start piling up. There’s nothing she can do against it. Qingheng-Jun is losing this war. Lan Qiren doesn’t even bother getting Lan Huan to his front door and leaves the boy in his mother’s garden. He even calls it the mom-visit day once in front of her.
Qingheng-Jun managed to make them admit their wrong and acknowledge their shitty excuse. But the victory tastes sour.
A-Huan doesn’t run to her arms like he used to. Instead he walks in, eyeing his uncle. He beams once he reaches Liu Hua and his uncle nods, approving.
“It’s bad. Rule says. Uncle says.” A-Huan explains when his mother asks him why. Then he curls up in her laps. “If I’m good and listen, I can see mom.”
It breaks her heart and so she tries to do what she promised herself she would:
“In this house,” she tells Lan Huan, “You’re free of rules. This is a free-from-rules zone. You can be loud. You can run. You can do everything that makes you happy.”
“Everything?” He asks, his voice tight with hope.
“Everything. What do you want to do?”
A-Huan thinks, hard, then comes up with:
“Rolling.”
So they proceed to roll from one side of the room to the other, laughing.
Liu Hua also learns that even if she is under the silencing spell, the rest of the clan are not. Because one day A-Huan asks her, worried:
“Mom, you killed teacher?”
And of course she cannot defend herself because of the silencing spell on her.
The moment her boy leaves, she rushes to her husband’s house and knocks. Since he doesn’t answer she tells him what she learned loud and clear, standing at his doorfront. Once she is done, the music stops playing and the door opens. Qiangsi’s expression is full of concern.
“People can talk about it outside?”
“Or maybe your brother told him.” She whispers bitterly.
“No. Qiren promised he would never say anything bad about you or me to A-Huan.”
“He could lie.”
Qiangsi bites his lips, and gives her a stubborn stare.
“It’s against the rules. Qiren had been raised to follow the rules to his best ability.”
“And you weren’t?”
She doubts it is humanly possible to do so. And it’s not like the Lan Clan has not proved they can step on their principles before. Qiangsi snorts, not amused.
“I’m different. I must follow the rules but I have to be able to rewrite them and replace them if there is a need to be. I was raised to become the sect leader.”
But here they are.
“People shouldn’t be able to talk about all of this. Everyone who knows should have been—”
He doesn’t finish but she guesses the meaning, everyone is under the silencing spell. Everyone who is taking care of her? Including the healer? Or those who were involved in the trial? Or those who are related to the curse, to the teacher? She does not know and their situation won’t allow her to ask for more precisions. Not that she cares though, she thinks about A-Huan.
“Well someone is talking still.” She points out, furious.
And it’s unfair that she isn’t allowed to defend herself and explain to her own child. If she isn’t allowed to talk, then they should not be either. She accepted her situation—not that she had any choice—but the knowledge that she hasn’t been the only one forced to remain silent kept the anger under control. Qiangsi seems pissed too, and he says:
“I will deal with that.”
He goes past her and walks out of the house. But she sees how his legs are unsteady, despite their healthy shape. He has to stop several times to catch his breath and at one point he wavers.
She rushes to his side, afraid he might pass out, but has to stop as she reaches the limit of where she is allowed to go. He is only a few steps further.
“Are you under a seclusion array too?” She asks, worried. Did they install this the day they took A-Huan from them?
Qiangsi’s respiration is strange, the air whistles out of his mouth and he is clutching his chest as if it’s hurting him. It’s similar to the sounds Teacher made, with her throat pierced by the dagger. She cannot reach him, he is too far away. All color is drained from his face. He doesn’t manage to say anything, but he ends up shaking his head to convey his answer: No.
“Then what’s happening?”
Is he sick? When did this happen? Is it serious? Is Lan Huan going to lose both of his parents? Like she did? The thought frightens her. She doesn’t want her boy to be an orphan so soon!
Eventually, though, Lan Qiangsi manages to get whatever this is under control and finally he raises up to his feet and says:
“It’s nothing serious. It just happens sometimes when I overthink. I will be back. Do not worry.”
And he offers her a smile, that is a ruin of what it used to be but is still the first he willingly showed her after so many years. So she cannot help but feel comforted by it. However, as she returns to her room, alone, the anger is still there, building up in her chest. So she converts it into something good, something great. She cannot do anything with her Qi sealed but she can probably make a talisman something… Find a way so that… One day, if Lan Huan wants the answer to his question, she won’t remain mute.
So she starts working on the first draft of it.
Three months later, when A-Huan comes back for his monthly visits, he tells his mother:
“There’s a new rule on the wall! Uncle says it’s Father’s.”
“Oh? What is it?”
“No gossip at Cloud Recesses!” A-Huan recites, with a big grin.
She pats his head, her heart squeezing in her chest. At the end of the day, she walks A-Huan to his uncle’s side, this time Qiangsi is still in the doorway. A-Huan immediately hides behind his mother’s robe, his eyes on his father’s tall figure. Qiangsi freezes and he makes a small movement that looks like he is about to run away but Qiren seizes his brother’s arms to keep him still.
Liu Hua exchanges a glance with Lan Qiren and for the first time it feels like they are allied in this. She kneels near A-Huan and whispers:
“Your father created a rule for you, it’s a gift, why don’t you tell him thank you?”
A-Huan gazes at his father once again, unsure, and so looks at his uncle for advice.
“Be filial,” recites Lan Qiren.
Liu Hua rolls her eyes at the extent of Qiren’s parenting skills. But somehow it seems to convince A-Huan better, as he sheepishly steps out (his hand still clutching at his mother’s robe) before he makes a tiny perfect bow. It’s the first time they talk together not through music and he seems to be looking for the right words before he finally settles for:
“A-Huan thanks Father for the rule.”
Qiangsi nods back, then hesitates. Liu Hua looks at him and she tries to convey to him what she couldn’t back then, when he closed the door between them. He obviously wavers and in the end, lowers his eyes and says:
“Mn. Your uncle told me you’re learning the rules well. It’s good. Keep going.”
There’s a silence, where everyone does not know how to continue this conversation. Lan Huan raises up, a big smile on his face, proud of the compliment. Then, clumsily, Qiangsi mumbles:
“I… is there anything you want, A-Huan? Something that would make you happy?”
A-Huan’s smile grows even wider and he states without any hesitation:
“A little brother!”
Obviously, the conversation is awkward after such demand. Lan Qiren lets go of his brother’s arm and immediately Qiangsi runs off inside his home. Liu Hua is stunned by the demand, she never considered the possibility, not when she knows what it implies for her and Qiangsi to do to conceive again. But… She loved being pregnant, she loved having A-Huan and she felt less alone for almost two years with her baby by her side. She thinks of her siblings, or Lan Qiren, and thinks… Well, she would love Lan Huan to have a little brother and sister to count on.
She caresses the mark on her arm, aware that she is not going to last forever too. Once she is gone, with Qiangsi refusing to speak to his son and Lan Qiren only opening his mouth to recite rules, wouldn’t A-Huan be lonely?
She doesn’t want her son to be lonely. She knows how much it hurts after her years of wandering, after being imprisoned here. But since A-Huan’s birth she almost did not see the time go by.
She wants him to have a little brother.
***
After the rumors incident, Qiangsi has started to open to Liu Hua again, they talk through music, if not face to face. Mostly they’re discussing A-Huan, avoiding dangerous topics. The song language doesn’t allow a lot of nuance anyways. Maybe that’s why it works between them. It’s harder to mess up this way. But there’s no way she will be able to tell him this through music, she has to concentrate on the right note for this and her throat is tight at the thought alone. She doesn’t think she can sing or hum correctly in this situation.
So she knocks at his door once again. He opens it, this time, and even lets her in. It’s new. It’s… odd. There’s an air of resignation around Qiangsi that has never been there before. It’s like he knows what she wants to ask, so she doesn’t tiptoe around the subject. Yet, when he hears it, Qiangsi objects immediately:
“No.”
“Why?”
He looks at her, pained and confused.
“You didn’t want it back then.”
“But I want it now.” She answers.
It surprises her but she truly does. It’s not like she suffered from conceiving A-Huan. At first yes, but then she found a little bit of pleasure in it, as she couldn’t assure to procreate on the first try with her cultivation locked away. She still calls it rape, her appreciating the act doesn’t change the fact that she had no choice. It just proves she is resilient.
“But it was wrong to do so.” Insists Qiangsi.
“It was wrong back then because I didn’t have a choice.” She explains, both for him and herself.
Maybe that’s why now she doesn’t mind. She almost wants it. Maybe it would smooth things up between them.
“And you still do not have one, nothing has changed in your situation.”
She grumbles, then he is blind. Many things have changed, she changed.
“You’re wrong, you needed an heir back then. Now you have one. Nothing is forcing me to have another kid. But I want to. I have the choice. You’re giving me the choice.”
She stops, realizing something important too.
“Do you not want to?”
Is she forcing his hands there? As much as she wants a second baby and to give A-Huan a little sibling she… is not sure she can accept to hurt him any further. What they have is not love, she cannot call it that when she hurts him and uses him so often and he cannot call it that way either when he ignores her will time and time again. But they have something, something she has no name for, that is very fragile. She didn’t love him enough to make the jump and forget her revenge but she loves him enough now to not inflict this on him.
“If you do not want it, I won’t force you.” She says, because she feels he needs to hear this.
“I forced you once, it seems fair that you force me once too,” he replies, lowering his gaze.
The logic behind it is so overly familiar, yet for the first time ever she hears the nonsense behind those words, the failures and shortcoming of this mindset too. She cannot help but feel the irony, as she murmurs:
“Someone has to stop this circle of hurt at some point, don’t you think?”
She wonders, where has her anger gone? When did it leave? She knew she had it, still, when A-Huan was born, but somehow along the way the boy had eroded it until all that was left was this very thin line of resentment toward the Lan clan. It doesn’t change the past or all the wrong they’ve done to each other and so they will never stop saying sorry to one another for all this, but maybe they can start saying...
Qiangsi raises his head, as if he is reading her mind and he smiles:
“Thank you.”
The memory doesn’t show more, but the voice says:
“You’re wanted A-Zhan, never forget that. And you A-Huan, I want you to know that even if you weren't at first, you’re definitely wanted now. Love is a fickle thing, I know the concept might be hard to grasp for you as you have Lan blood, but it doesn’t have to always be sad, just like you can lose love, you can also gain it through time. What you didn’t like at one point, you might come to love it later. Even if it is true that sometimes you never change your mind too. The concept of change, the realization that maybe we could meet halfway, your father and I, gave me what I utterly lacked before I had you: hope.”
***
The second pregnancy isn’t as easy as the first one, Liu Hua is sick more often than not. It’s ironic, how the child that was forced upon her behaved so well in her belly, having mercy, while the child she desired this time kicks and rolls all the time.
Healers think it’s because the curse is progressing, though not as fast as they want it to be (and it shows that they are frustrated by how slow it takes it to kill her, she is all too happy to make them angry). They monitor her sealed spiritual power to make sure it does not affect the child more than it has to. Normally, with a difficult pregnancy, they should allow her to get a little bit back of her cultivation, if only to protect her life and the child’s. But they don’t.
They’re too afraid she will run away and start another slaughter in the name of revenge, she supposes. Which is… not wrong. The more she stays at the mercy of the Lan clan the more she thinks they should get rid of their elders and replace them with new ones. Except that the elder position is held until death. A-Huan told her so, last time he visited.
The boy is also completely taken with his mother’s big belly. He puts his ear against it and listens to every sound, in case his brother has something to say.
“It might be a little sister,” she tells him.
“No, it’s a brother!” A-Huan states, confident.
“How do you know?”
“He told me!”
She laughs and lets him believe that.
“Father, can you play a song for brother?”
A-Huan asks, one day, as he visits. Qiangsi has started opening his window again, even if winter is coming. She spends the time on the terrace rather than facing the pond, so they can be together in a way. They still fight sometimes, but it’s better. They are almost back to the point of their first winter in seclusion, sharing songs and words they can’t find when speaking aloud. It’s sad, but with the pregnancy her anger is back, even if it should be called moodswing now. She still snaps at him sometimes and he still apologizes too many times. She apologizes too, now, even if the words never come easy, it’s easier for her to say thank you.
Thank you for being here this second pregnancy. Thank you for trying to fight for me and Lan Huan still. Thank you for proving to me that in the Lan Clan, they are not all bad. There are some that are like you.
Even Lan Qiren, who is still looking at her like she might snap and start killing people, is not that bad. A-Huan tells him about his days with his uncle and she can see he is trying very hard to keep his promise. He takes care of her boy as much as he can. And he doesn’t say bad things about his mother in front of him, nor he lets other people do so.
She still can’t stand being in the same room as him though, they might be alike but their characters are incompatible. Truly. And it might be hypocritical of her to think so but he hurt Qiangsi, so she is angry at him.
The baby is born early in the year, as snow is still covering the field. The delivery is as difficult as the pregnancy and she faints the moment the healer tells her it’s over. But when she wakes up, the baby is there, by her side, and so is Qiangsi. When he sees her wake he offers her a relieved smile, his eyes are rimmed with red, as if he had been crying.
Was he scared she wouldn’t make it? Like his mother, dying in childbirth?
He is holding the silent newborn in his arms and when he notices she is awake, he presents the baby to her:
“This is Lan Zhan.”
“Zhan?” She repeats.
Blue? She can’t help but giggle, as Qiangsi blushes from head to toe. He couldn’t be more obvious, could he? But she likes it. It fits. He is good at choosing names, after all their first born Huan means to dissipate and her little baby definitely melted some part of her anger. Not all, but enough for her to allow to live rather than survive.
“Good morning, A-Zhan,” she tells her second son. “So you told your older brother who you were before me, I’m a bit jealous.”
The baby whines without making much of a sound and she lets him find her chest so he can eat. Later during the day, Lan Qiren enters the house despite the snow, bringing A-Huan with him. The boy walks fast to the blanket where his baby brother is sleeping and he watches, marveled at the baby’s fingers and toes.
Liu Hua can’t blame him, she is too.
“Try to sniff his head, A-Huan.” She whispers to him. And the boy, very obedient, does.
“It smells good!” He remarks, stunned.
“It does, doesn’t it? Your head used to smell good too, I think it’s a baby thing.”
Qiangsi and Qiren both raise an eyebrow at that, but they refuse to try too (Well, except she sees Qiangsi sniffs his son’s head later, doubtful, when he thinks she is sleeping). It’s their loss.
A-Huan learns how to hold his baby brother that day, the Lan training has already started and he has more strength in his arms than a normal boy his age, so he has to be very careful. But he manages and he rocks the silent baby very seriously, all too happy. He must grow bored at some point, though, because just when he has to give his brother back to his mother and return with his uncle, he asks:
“Will A-Zhan play with me, next time?”
Liu Hua laughs and leaves his uncle the duty to explain the details of child raising to A-Huan. It’s her little revenge for him taking her son away so often.
***
A-Zhan is a very different baby from his brother, he has her golden eyes and the very serious expression that comes with it. She didn’t have such color and serious glare before she turned thirteen though so A-Zhan is impressive. He stares at people without blinking and rarely fusses.
“You’re very different from when you were in my belly,” she comments, remembering how he turned and turned, back then.
He is so silent that the healers check his ears, afraid he might be deaf. The delivery had been complicated, to the point that Liu Hua had been strongly advised against another pregnancy. The curse has reached her uterus through the last few months and so started its destructive work, maybe it's the reason why A-Zhan was moving so much in her belly, feeling uncomfortable. They had to unseal her spiritual energy after she fainted, to make sure she survived. That’s why Qiangsi has been allowed to remain by her side this time, so she wouldn’t wake up and run away immediately after, using her spiritual energy again.The healers fear the complications they met might have impacted the boy’s health, like it had with their mother’s. But A-Zhan is fine, he is just… not very loud.
And he bites. He bites everything, as if he is constantly teething. It’s very funny. The first time he bites Lan Huan the boy yelps by reflex, even though it probably didn’t hurt at all because the baby had no teeth yet.
“He must be thinking you can feed him.” She tells her oldest son.
A-Zhan is not very interested in the flowers like A-Huan was, and when he starts to crawl, he doesn’t care about going after the ball toy like his older brother did. Instead he crawls back to his father’s house whenever he hears music, like he is chasing after it.
She finds him standing for the first time thanks to this, because the boy hears the notes coming from the window, grabbed the wooden frame and rose, as if he could get to the notes if he got higher. When Qiangsi stops, alerted by the event (and Liu Hua’s reaction to it) the toddler falls flat on his butt immediately.
A-Zhan’s big cheeks puff in frustration until his father starts playing again. Liu Hua can’t help but laugh at the both of them. Qiangsi is still...distant with their son, especially Lan Huan, when he sees them, not daring to touch them. Everything is not perfect, far from it, but this is the happiest Liu Hua has ever been since her childhood. So she treasures it all the same.
***
A-Zhan does not talk, he mumbles sometimes, he says mommy when he really has too, but unlike Lan Huan who had been a chatterbox before he could walk, A-Zhan focuses on… other things, she supposes. He reminds her a bit of a cat, staring at things like he sees something they cannot. But also a bit of a bunny, as he hops around like a baby often does. Everytime there’s a loud noise he scowls and hides. Liu Hua doesn’t mind, she likes having a different experience from the first one. She plays with her hands, sees how he mimics her movements. A-Zhan plays with his brother’s flute too. She doesn’t mind him not speaking as long as he is happy and kind. Besides it’s not like they can’t talk to him, he understands quite well.
A-Huan however, is a bit disappointed, especially when she teases him:
“And you said he spoke with you when he was in your belly, you little liar.”
A-Huan tries to pout, but she doesn’t let him, it’s important to teach him frustration. She won’t let him grow all grumpy like she had been. So she tickles him until A-Zhan, startled by the noise, hides. So they play hide and seek.
***
A-Zhan is also taken from her when he reaches the age of two. He doesn’t cry like his brother did but cling to her just as strongly. It helps that this time she knows he will come back and that he has his older brother with him, not only his uncle. She can whisper to him comforting words.
Unfortunately, the Lan clan makes her a liar once again. The visits are reduced to once a month after that. Lan Qiren relays this information to his brother, who then relays it to Liu Hua. And she screams:
“Why? Don’t I take good care of them well? Why would they do that?!”
They know why, because they hate her as much as she hates them. It already infuriates them that she is allowed to see them at all. Now that Lan Huan has a little brother, they think somehow, it will help him forget about his mother. Fools! All of them!
Qiangsi tries to discuss this with them but on his way he gets a crisis once again, this time he doesn’t even pass through the ward, crumbling to the ground unable to breath and throws up a lot of bad blood . She rushes to him and rubs his back but it seems to make things harder so she stops touching him.
“I’m sorry!”
He doesn’t manage to get out of seclusion after that. So they can’t go against this decision.
As Qiangsi lies in his bed, in his home, apologizing for being weak and useless, Liu Hua thinks of what this could possibly mean.
The curse is growing, slowly but steadily, her son will lose their mother, she doesn’t want them to lose their father too. She knows how hard it is to live without family.
She thinks about what her father said as he died: you’ll be fine. And she thinks of all the things that were left unsaid that made everything not fine.
She doesn’t want her sons to go through this too.
“Qiangsi,” she asks. “When one of us dies… Will the Lan sect use Empathy or Inquiry on us? For Lan Zhan and Lan Huan?”
Qiangsi gives the question a thought, then nods.
“They promised after the trial they would for you. I asked them.”
She closes her eyes, she is not sure they will keep this promise, they broke so many already. But she doesn’t want to say it aloud when Qiangsi is already so weakened. It would only hurt him more. So she keeps silent. Instead she convinces Qiangsi to ask a healer to check his lungs next time they get food delivery.
“I don’t want you to die before me,” she tells him, holding his hand and he gives him a sorry smile:
“And I don’t want you to die before me either.”
“One of us will have to yield, at some point.”
They exchange a smile, conscious that none of them has ever been very good at that. They are both stubborn fools.
The healer is familiar (though she does not remember if it’s the same that welcomed her when she first arrived at Cloud Recesses). He is helped by a young boy that is oddly familiar to her, too and Lan Qiren. Both healers say there’s nothing wrong. It must have been lots of anger or frustration building up in his chest, resulting in stale blood, he says. Though after a while, the boy adds:
“Your Qi however is not very good. You should play Cleansing more often. And also maybe ask for someone for Clarity .” He declares. “Or you’ll Qi deviate in no time.”
Qiangsi takes the news better than Qiren, who immediately looks at Liu Hua like she is responsible for this too. And the worst? Liu Hua can’t deny it. She thinks of this clumsy-girl, this tiny healer that came to her house once upon a time. She Qi deviated too.
The older healer shakes his head: “This boy has some theories about Qi deviation but everything has yet to be proved.”
“I don’t have theories, those are observations based on previous cases.” The boy insists with a stubborn frown. “You should be fine if you’re careful and avoid your current source of stress.”
Qiangsi lets out a chuckle, resigned. Liu Hua does not want to laugh. Despite her best attempt and her overall improvement, Liu Hua still has mood swings and anger problems. She builds up resentment easily. They say it’s the curse but she has always been that way. Her husband has been playing diligently all those years of seclusion to communicate but also—she realizes now—to clean her from it and prolong her life.
Is it her presence that poisons him? Poisoned them? Because they got closer since A-Zhan’s birth? It wasn’t this bad before. It must be connected! It must be the reason. Could it affect her sons too? Will they Qi deviate if they stay near her?
Suddenly she is very grateful her sons are allowed only once a month. She couldn’t stand not seeing them but she doesn’t want them to be hurt.
She has had enough of ruining everything. She has had enough of anger.
This time she is the one who shuts him out. It’s for the best, she thinks. She wants him to live, this might be selfish of her but she doesn’t want to lose anyone else. She has been through enough loss for one lifetime and the next.
Is it how you felt, that day too? She thinks, a pang in her heart.
She starts writing letters. One for each situation she can think of, for her son. One for each birthday she might miss in the future. Each event of their future life. Not trusting the elders anymore, as time passes, as she sees Lan Qiren also bearing the mark of punishment from time to time, she returns to her work.
She looks through her notes on the Xue clan’s technique and finds the one that is very close to what she wants to do. The one FengXi did on her to make her an honorary member of the Xue. Bit by bit, she alters the formula for her artifact. Normally you would need spiritual energy to do it right but she can’t in her situation. She will have to use the split that occurs at the death moment to do what she wants and it will result in her Human soul, complete and not partially, being held in the jade token. Unlike the Xue spell that only takes a bit of the knowledge that is within the soul and lets it go to the reincarnation cycle still. She wishes she could be smart enough to prevent that but she doesn’t know how.
It’s okay, reincarnation is something she can give up on, with her crime she doubts she will be able to come back soon anyways. It’s a price she is willing to pay. However…
The problem is her resentment. She adds safeguards to the spell to make sure her consciousness is sealed, so she can not give in to anger and become a monster that will attack her babies. She wishes she could find a way for her soul to remain calm but again, it would require spiritual energy to explore the possibility, when she has none at the present moment. And she is not sure she can alter the spell to do it right. She only has one chance.
She prefers to make sure A-Huan and A-Zhan are safe from any harm, she doesn’t want to make them sick like she did with Qiangsi. She isn’t sure that, as a ghost she can keep calm and be at peace, not when she has never been able to while being alive. She is tired of being angry, but it’s so easy to give in to the emotion still. So she seals her consciousness away.
It’s for the best.
Once the spell is complete all she has to do is put a little bit of blood so that the tool knows whose soul to suck up. She burns her note, to make sure the Lan clan will never know about it and hides the jade token in the third plank of her house, where she used to put the baby’s toys. She is confident that if they ever look for it, her son will find it. She puts down the plank on them, and dark surrounds them as the voice whispers:
“This is the end of my story. I could tell you more, this soul has all my memories, until my last breath. If you want to, all you have to do is think about it, with a little bit of spiritual power. But this… This is what I wanted you to know, my sons. I’m sorry, if I’m not the mother you wanted me to be. But I wanted to give you what the Lan Sect would never do: the plain truth. I didn't want to lie to you. I also wanted to say this: I’ve never regretted giving birth to you. Your father and I didn’t love each other and weren’t always getting along, but you brought solace to my life and you are what I'm the proudest of all. So please, no matter what you hear, no matter what the Sect tries to convince you of, be sure of this: I love you. I hope you’ll live a long life, without regret and anger. I really wish I could stay with you… but I’m also happy to finally be free of this house, of this body of mine that was becoming so weak I couldn’t play with you anymore. ”
Cangse Sanren feels her consciousness returns as the voice fades, the spell is ending. She is dragged back to reality. Yet she cannot help but cling to it, her heart swollen in her chest, her eyes filled with tears.
Wait. I want to know —
She wants to know about the village, but also… Most of all… She wants to know: did Liu Hua suffer at the end? Did she die alone, in that house?
As if obeying her will, before she goes, one memory plays before Cangse Sanren’s eyes.
It’s Liu Hua, she is coughing. She fears the moment she has to go to bed, because since A-Zhan’s seventh birthday, she has been seeing nothing but nightmares in her dreams, she doesn’t remember much from it each time she awakes except that she feels herself dying. She rises up a little bit more exhausted each day, not knowing where to find the strength to fight the curse any long, but still trying. For her kids. For Cangse Sanren. At one point this end seemed better than the one she is walking forward too, but not anymore.
Liu Hua smiles at the thought of the woman and the little family she met through their conversations too. Her heart swells at the idea of being able to talk, finally, about her past. Qiangsi had been right, that day on the boat, she felt better after talking about her family. She can’t wait to be able to finally tell her children about their aunt, their uncles, their grandparents, to once again turn this tragedy into a source of fondness and love.
The idea gives her the courage to reach for her window and opens it, despite the chilly wind. She wants to remember tonight.
“Qiangsi,” she whispers.
And her husband opens her window too.
“A-Hua,” he says with a smile.
Their relationship had had their ups and downs since her decisions, when Cangse Sanren left only a blink ago. They went forward and backward, times and times again, one shutting the other up. Seclusion, anger, solitude, resentment, all those mixed emotions caused them to work in phases, one day okay the other not, they kept saying thank you and sorry way too often...But never had they stopped playing for the other.
“Will you play a song for me?” She asks, each word harder to come by. “The one you played that day on the boat…”
The one her mother used to play and Qiangsi filled the blank with. Qiangsi nods and pulls out his instrument. The first note reaches her as she lies on the bed. It feels like he is very close. Like everyone is very close.
And as Liu Hua lies on her bed, as it happens more and more often since her sons’ birth, she doesn’t meet anger. She is tired of the destruction. Tired of the anger. Tired of fighting. She had her revenge, she built a family too. So she allows herself to rest. She thinks… Tonight she will be able to sleep without nightmares.
She might even have a good dream. It would be great if it could be about a boat, drifting away, taking her to the Lotus Pier, her sons want to visit again. Then she would meet the person she talks to every now and then. People would be playing in the water, her son laughing among the others. Somehow, she sees her siblings among the crowd of children too, they are trying to get on board, taking control of the bark, claiming they are pirates. And someone is brushing her hair, while her head rests on her father’s laps. Her husband is playing the song but it’s her mother’s who hums along.
She lets herself drift away with them, happy. It doesn’t hurt anymore. She’s free.
Notes:
The reason why Liu Hua shows the slaughtering but not the rape to her children is because as QHJ said, the slaughtering is the reason why she acted the way she did. It explains her actions, the rape is just hurtful to everyone concerned and would only hurt her sons. So Liu Hua wanted to skip this part. (I also wanted to skip this part because writing about rape doesn't interest me). It is not my intention to belittle the rape act, i tried to do my best while not evoking it too much. Liu Hua's opinion on that matter is really complicated ; i want to make clear that she didn't change her mind about it ; she did not like it back then. It's still a rape. What she does love is her children, and to some extent her husband. The "forgiveness" (if you can call it that) she extend to him does not make the act disappear. Marital rape are complicated to deal with especially when it's with someone you have feelings for and they were both in very complicated situations too. Anyways i hope i managed to make things clear in the text. If not i'm sorry and i hope this tiny bit make it clearer.
Anyways next chapter starts with the children's pov and we're back to fluffy things (then a little bit of sadness because the characters went through a lot) then fluff again UvU I hope you'll like the final arc of this part of the story!!
Chapter 95: Karma
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you're all doing great =D We're finally out the flash back arc ^^ Few, I don't know about you but I'm happy to see the gang again and have some fluff.! I think we all deserve some happy moments UvU Especially since we're almost at the end of part 1!! ALMOST. THERE. I thought I would write the end this week end, but then Igot woken up on Sunday by my brother and the news that our step-family's diner was like...now. and I got to make myself pretty in like 10 minutes and be sociable with them...(Though I'm not sure I managed, but that's okay)...Anyways no writing this week end x) Fortunately I've got enough chapters in stock to afford it thanks to the flash back.
Thanks a lot for your support and your comment throughout this arc, it made me really happy <3
This chapter is once again beta-read by the talented Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie ! =) a big thanks to them and their hard work <3
Previous chapter summary -> Liu Hua's seclusion turns for the worst when Lan Qiren, pressed by the elders to marry, went to cry in his brother's arm to save him. Qiangsi chose to save his brother this time, and the only way to do that was to give the Lan clan one heir. That's how Lan Huan was conceived, through marital rape. While Liu Hua had never wanted children before, she fell in love with her little son and promised to care for him and give him allt he love her deceased family couldn't give. Unfortunately the Lan sect was not okay with a murderer raising their heir, and while Qiangsi battle with the elders to make sure he wouldn't be taken away from Liu Hua...he didn't win the war. When lan Huan reached the age of two, he was shoved into Lan Qiren's arms, only allowed to see his mother every now and then. Seeing her baby slowly be molded into the Lan clan heir broke Liu Hua's heart, and she tried to convince Lan Qiangsi to at least be with their son...While never managing to truly convince him, her voice reached him, and though they never recovered the relation they almost had, it got better between them. So when Lan Huan asked for a little brother, this time, both of them talked through it and agreed. Lan Zhan's birth gave their parents a little respite in the turmoil of their lives...However it couldn't last, he too, was taken when he reached the age of two. The elders insisted that they only could see their mother once a month, and used the Lan rules that once made Lan Qiren and Lan Qiangsi suffer so much to take charge of the heir. Lan Qiangsi tried to fight but couldn't leave seclusion without having a panic attack, his qi in disarray. His bad state convinced Liu Hua that, maybe it was for the best that she was in seclusion. What if the resentment of the curse affected him. Or worse, her sons? She resigned herself to live like this. But refused her sons to never know about her story. The lan ultimate silent spell forbid her to talk and defend herself. So she wrote letter. She created the token with the knowledge she herited from the Xue. And hid it, hoping that one day, her sons would find it and know the truth. She knew it would hurt, but she wanted to give them what the Lan would never : honesty. As Cangse Sanren was dragged out of the memory, the spell ending, she wanted to know if Liu hua suffered in ger last moments...And witnessed the death of Liu Hua. The woman went to sleep, lulled by her husband's melody, and never woke up, at peace.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wei Ying looks at the main hall where his parents, uncle, and auntie locked themselves this morning, leaving the sect’s business to Yinzhu and Jinzhu (and also Sisi and Meng Shi). He knows something is up, his mom acted weirdly all morning during breakfast, requesting he write a letter to Lan Zhan (well, he is okay writing to Lan Zhan whenever but it’s weird that his mother asks him to do so, she never writes anything unless dad or uncle force her to). They said they are working on a new invention but that’s a lie, otherwise they would be in his mother’s workshop, right?
He is not this gullible, he is 7 now! (His birthday had just passed!)
“Something is up,” he states.
“They’re hiding something,” agrees A-Cheng. “I hate when they do that.”
“They looked sad this morning,” confirms A-Li, a little bit down. “We should find a way to cheer them up.”
“Give them a hug?” Proposes A-Ning.
Wen Qing rolls her eyes, she half expects Jiang Yanli to offer to prepare dinner too.
“They didn’t look sad to me,” she says. “Madam Yu looked pissed.”
“Isn’t that her default mood?” Points out Meng Yao with a dimpled smile that contradicts his bluntness. One would think he’d given a compliment with such expression on.
“Fair enough,” concedes Wen Qing.
Wei Ying is thinking of a plan to get in and cheer the adults up—he doesn't know how yet, but that can be improvised on spot, probably—when Yinzhu and Jinzhu find them all. They are supposed to be meditating, they remind them, and they are definitely not. Wei Ying rolls on the ground overly dramatic and complains about meditation. It makes the other kids laugh.
Yinzhu and Jinzhu leave absolutely no chance for the kids to rush inside and bother their parents all morning. The training is harsh and they allow absolutely no break time anymore to any disciples. Then, once they are done with the cultivation sessions and the kids think they can finally do something, Meng Shi appears out of nowhere and declares they should study.
“Auntie Sisi,” A-Ying tries, with his most pleading eyes. “I want to see my daddy.”
“You’ll see him at dinner, study hard and time will go faster,” answers Sisi, showing absolutely no mercy.
Meng Shi is kinder, when they all have trouble focusing she says: “You know what would make your parents happy? Writing a beautiful poem for them.”
It’s a wonderful idea, so they make one together, using the new rhyme-rules they learned yesterday. The thing is, after they are done, they cannot go and give it to them because they’re still locked inside the main hall. So Meng Shi adds:
“It would make them happy if you show your progress in calligraphy.”
A-Ying is starting to suspect a foul play. Then she tells them to draw and he forgets about it because he likes drawing. Though when Meng Shi adds that it would make their parents happy if they all bathe before dinner he is sure there’s a trap. But still, the woman insists:
“I’m sure I would like my children to be all clean before I hug them.” And A-Cheng looks at A-Ying with an expression that says “Well she makes a point.” and A-Ning even nods and admits he likes hugs better when they do not smell. Still, when A-Ying, A-Cheng and A-Ning get back from the bath, they cross paths with Meng Yao, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli who are returning from the training ground. Yanli gasps at them, Wen Qing snorts. Meng Yao simply looks at his mother, then his three martial little brothers and sighs:
“She got you.”
“She didn’t get us!” Protests A-Cheng even though he is not sure what they are speaking about. He just knows he is supposed to be the one to get people, as future sect leader, not the other way around.
Wei Ying is sure Meng Shi totally manipulated them. He can respect that. But now he wants to see his parents! He finds a way to sneak close to Yao-Bro and whispers:
“Hey do you know what’s up with daddy and mommy?”
Meng Yao looks at him carefully before he replies “Why do you think I know anything more than you do?”
A-Ying sends him a look he hopes is as effective as the one Daddy sends when someone lies badly to him. Yao-bro knows most of the things happening in the sect, every disciples’ names, even the new adult ones! He even helps adults do paperwork and knows stuff he is not supposed to! A-Ying must fail because Meng Yao sends him a smile back, unimpressed.
Fine, he will find out all by himself! He is about to sneak outside when finally, finally the bell rings, indicating it’s time for dinner. A-Ying looks at Sisi, surprised, and she smirks:
“I told you time would fly fast if you studied hard.”
“It’s magic” comments A-Cheng.
If it is a cultivator trick, A-Ying wants to learn so meditation sessions can go a lot faster! He runs toward the main hall as fast as he can and he is not disappointed because when he reaches the hall, his mommy is already there. She is curled against dad, seeking comfort in his arms. Her eyes are rimmed with red.
When they all woke up from the jade token spell they all had been upset and while Jiang Fengmian and his lady went to the ancestral hall to find his center, Cangse Sanren stayed to tell Wei Changze everything they learned. Unlike Yu Ziyuan who understood Liu Hua’s need to get revenge, Cangse Sanren didn’t. She wonders: would Liu Hua’s family really be fine with this, their loved one suffering all those years, even missing happiness for the sake of avenging them? She knows deep down that if it was A-Ying she would wish for him to forget and live on, maybe not forgive but at least not be stuck on the past until he has no future. She witnessed how such a mindset could be destructive, twice already.
She is furious too, furious at Liu Hua for not letting Teacher explain herself and give the answer Qingheng-Jun and Lan Qiren needed. Furious at the Lan sect for covering this whole mess and punishing the victims further. Furious at Qingheng-Jun for letting himself fall down further and further without even trying to get up.
At first she quite managed to keep it all together as she told Wei Changze but in the end, she dropped all pretenses and asked her lover to hold her tight, needing the support to finish the story. Wei Changze doesn’t get her, he very much would have burned down Cloud Recess in Liu Hua’s stead, but he still kisses the crown of his wife’s hair, trying to make the pain go away (And he is pretty sure that Cangse Sanren, despite her statement, would have not let go of revenge and pranked the Lan until the end of time, making them fear every new day, waiting for their white robes to turn pink or something equivalent).
Seeing them like this is unusual enough for even Sisi to catch that something is wrong, despite the fact that she has been here the shortest among them. Immediately she reaches for her brother and puts a hand on his head, a silent question in her eyes: “Are you okay?”
A-Ying has stopped right in the middle of his steps, a little bit lost, he is not the best at comforting people and especially when they have been crying. The fact that his mother is the one crying confuses him to no end. It’s not the first time but he still has no clue how to make things better. Fortunately, Cangse Sanren knows now. She opens her arms to her son:
“Sorry sweetheart, mommy is a little down right now. I needed a hug. But it seems your father’s arms aren’t enough for my heart, do you happen to know someone who is good at hugging?”
The joke, even if it is said with a sad smile, is enough to give off a sense of familiarity. Enough for A-Ying to catch up and grin:
“I’m told I give the best hugs!” And he runs toward his mother to prove his point.
A-Cheng rolls his eyes behind him and he doubts:
“Who said that?”
“Lan Zhan!”
“When? He never speaks!”
“He never speaks to you, he speaks plenty to me!”
Jiang Yanli giggles at their bickering, and she offers:
“I think you give very good hugs, A-Xian.”
Which makes A-Ying pull his tongue at A-Cheng, victorious. A-Ning hesitates near Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren, not too sure if he is allowed to join in, and Wen Qing, catching his hesitation, states proudly:
“I think A-Ning gives the best hugs.”
“Really? Let me try!”
Before A-Ning can do anything he ends up in Cangse Sanren’s arms too, near a laughing A-Ying. She hugs them both tight and fakes pondering:
“Hum I don’t know, they seem much the same to me! What do you think, Changze? Who is the best hugger between these two babies?”
Wei Changze gives both children a look, then presses them all (not-wife included) against his chest.
“Hm. Hard to say, I need more comparison materials.”
Meng Yao is the unlucky one who is the closest and before he knows it he is wrapped into the hug with Sisi. He lets out a small yelp and drags Meng Shi with him. Of course everybody takes that as a signal to make a pile. Which A-Cheng manages to get on top of, avoiding being crushed to death by so many hugs. He learned the way to win these kind of fights by now. Yinzhu and Jinzhu stare at the little mound, unimpressed.
“So, are you better?” One of them asks, doubtful.
Of course, Cangse Sanren replies what they expect “A little bit overwhelmed and crushed at the moment, but definitely better!”
It takes a moment for everyone to scatter, but eventually by the time dinner is served, they are all sitting in their place (except for A-Ying whose place is on his mother’s laps, he claims). Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan aren’t there yet, though they should arrive quite soon. Cangse Sanren, her heart swollen in her chest, makes a sign to Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, and she tells them:
“Thank you kiddos for your hugs, I really needed it. And I think your parents will need one too.”
“Really?” Repeats Jiang Yanli, surprised.
“Sounds fake,” comments A-Cheng, he rarely sees his parents ask for hugs, they are more open with their emotions and affectionate with him since his auntie and uncle are here, but not that much. They take him on their laps and in their arms, but they always have an excuse or it feels logical to do so. They don’t give a hug freely just for the sake of it.
It’s okay, he doesn’t like hugs anyways. Except hugs from his sister, and A-Xian (and not always, only when he is not annoying).
Still, Wei Changze insists:
“It will make them happy if you give them a hug too. They need it, even if they don’t know about it yet.”
If Auntie oftens jokes and tells stupid things (like that damn tooth tree that was supposed to grow if they planted their baby teeth), Uncle is trustworthy (except when they are playing, but he is pretty sure they are not). Wei Changze also has very good timing because Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan decide to return to the hall only an incense stick after his declaration.
They look exhausted, both physically and mentally. The spell, while not dangerous, takes out a lot. It filled them with mixed and conflicting emotions.
Jiang Fengmian feels better after kneeling down to the ancestral hall, in front of his father’s tablet. He felt more legitimate than the last time he visited, at the very least. Before he had been inadequate, standing in front of him as an inferior and a failure of a sect leader, since he had seen the future and witnessed his inability to keep peace like he promised. Him and his father, they always disagreed on many, many levels, but he respected the man’s strength and rarely ever contested his past decisions before, except those rare times the man had let herself be driven by anger and had been too hasty. This moment in the past, alongside Liu Hua, confirmed what Jiang Fengmian already knew but never dared to say aloud: his father’s biggest flaw had been his anger. It even killed him in the end. But the memories brought Jiang Fengmian new information: that somehow, his father had been reluctant to the decision he made that day. He had no hate toward the Xue clan—otherwise he would have died faster—he just did what he thought had been right at the moment. This… is strange, to think that the man he always thought as strong and unwavering had been in fact, full of doubts and making decisions he didn’t like, like Jiang Fengmian does sometimes. It brings him a bit of closure, that his father had been human, and maybe a little bit like his son, despite all the differences that made them unable to get along.
“Fengmian, Ziyuan!” Cangse Sanren welcomes them, with a sad smile.
Wei Changze gives a small pat on Jiang Yanli’s and Jiang Cheng’s back. The two children stumble on their feet as they walk to their parents, a bit hesitant. Then without a word, Jiang Cheng hugs his father’s legs and Yanli wraps her arms around her mother’s waist, burying her face in her robe.
Both Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan freeze and they look at each other, puzzled, before looking down at their children.
“Uncle said you needed one! It’s his idea!” Defends A-Cheng, his face red.
And he almost runs away after that, but Jiang Fengmian feels his heart grows too big for his own chest. He catches the boy before he goes and brings him in his arms. It’s rare to witness a gesture of affection coming from him and it’s comforting to have one now more than ever. He knows that A-Cheng and his lady are able to feel many things beside anger but it is still their first answer when they deal with stress. Knowing that his son is able to show kindness, compassion, it gives him hope that maybe he will avoid meeting a tragic end, like Liu Hua, or Jiang Fengmian’s father.
“Your uncle is right, A-Cheng, I needed that one. So thank you for offering it.”
A-Cheng’s eyes light up and he hides a tiny smile, his cheeks blushing.
“You just ask then, next time I will give you an even better hug.”
“I thought you didn’t like hugs.” Comments A-Xian with a smirk.
“Family is an exception!”
“So, we can give you all a hug, since we’re family,” says A-Xian, victorious. “I want a hug too A-cheng, give me one!”
A-Cheng turns red from head to toe and he squirms out his father’s arms to run after A-Xian. Both brothers start playing chase in the main hall and when A-Cheng finally catches his brother, he screams “You wanted it, now you get it!!” and he tickles him until A-Xian screams “This is no hug, it’s an attack! Have mercy!”
Jiang Fengmian chuckles at the scene.
Being able to see the memories through Liu Hua’s eyes also had another effect, Jiang Fengmian finally has been able to feel what being powered and driven by anger felt like. He finally understood a bit better about his lady and his son thanks to this. It is a powerful emotion, one that definitely helps standing in the midst of the hurricane. Maybe the only power that makes you raise up even. In their place, he would have crumbled down completely (Is it what his other self felt, that day when the sect fell right before his eyes? He can’t help but think that his anger didn’t make him accomplish as much as Liu Hua’s). He is just not built for this, anger scares him even more than before. He promises himself that he won’t allow his lady and son to fall through this trap if he can. He will try his best to make Jiang Cheng grow into someone who will be aware of the cost of anger, so that maybe, he will be able to be strong thanks to it but not be a victim of his own emotions.
Yu Ziyuan also stares at her son’s behaviour, her heart uncertain but her thoughts close to her husband’s. Of course being in Liu Hua’s memory didn’t bring a perspective she never knew before, she lives with anger everyday in her life, after all… but she has now seen and felt what it is to lose everything to it. It hurt maybe harder because this is very much what she would have done in the woman’s stead. Every action the girl did, Yu Ziyuan knows, deep down, that she would have acted the same. And that’s what scares her the most, she is exactly as her father’s indirect murderer. She understands Liu Hua, when it’s the last thing she ever wanted. She felt in her soul the moment where Liu Hua forgot herself to the emotion and lost everything that could have been, even her chance to happiness, to it and Yu Ziyuan knows, once again, that she might share this fate too. It could have been her. She went very close to that point the year the Wei couple arrived at Lotus Pier.
She promises herself not to do this mistake and hugs her daughter tight, cherishing her presence. This girl she once thought as too frail and useless, who she loved and hated at the same time for everything she was and wasn’t. Never again.
“Hey, A-Li,” she whispers. “I want to visit your grandmother and pay my respect to your grandfather. Would you accompany me, when I do?” She asks her daughter, caressing her head.
She wants to say to her father that she understands his actions, but apologize for not bringing his murderer to justice because, really, it was everybody’s fault, no single person is to blame.
Jiang Yanli looks up and gives her mother a kind smile.
“Of course, I would be happy to see grandmother and grandfather.”
Yu Ziyuan will not be able to tell her brother and grandmother, or any of the Meishan Yu sect about the truth behind the curse. Not without making her father take the blame for the Xue clan’s slaughtering too. After all, if one snake is out, the whole bag is opened. She can't choose what truth she will give to arrange the reality as she pleases. Besides, they talked about it with Jiang Fengmian in the ancestral hall, telling the truth would endanger the peace of the cultivation world. They fear for war already, they don’t want to be the reason this conflict emerges sooner than it should, they don’t want to give the Wen sect (or any other) a legitimate reason to give the first blow.
As a sect leader, Jiang Fengmian understands better what led to this disaster and the Lan Clan hiding this whole mess. How could they justify to the cultivation world that they got one of the persons behind the curse that killed so many, and that their sect leader, their pride, married her? Despite the fact that she killed what was the closest to an immortal from their clan! On the political field, it was absolutely undefendable. So they hid it. Jiang Fengmian is not sure what he would have done in their stead—as he is not in their place—but he isn’t sure he wouldn’t have done the same.
For now, for their peace, for Liu Hua’s sons, and for them, it’s better that this secret remain as such. He hopes the only victim that remains from this tragedy will soon find peace too.
It still saddens Yu Ziyuan, who is not a fan of concealing the truth, but she gets it. She hopes that such a decision won’t come to bite them, like the one the previous generation did. It will help that it is made to preserve life, and not kill anyone, unlike their fathers’ actions.
Beside now everyone who were involved in this mess are dead or missing. The only one left is Qingheng-Jun, who should, as far as Yu Ziyuan is concerned, remain in seclusion until he dies for what he did to Liu Hua. She doesn’t care that the woman loved the man, loved her sons and was at peace with what happened. If Yu Ziyuan sees the man again she will cut off his family jewels.
“Why are you all sad?”Asks A-Ning, in a tiny voice, pointing out what none of the other kids dared yet.
The silence must have been too heavy for him. Lost in thoughts most of the adults hadn’t noticed it.
“Yes. Has something happened? Is your health okay?” Wonders Wen Qing, turning to Wei Changze.
“My health is perfect.” Replies Wei Changze, stubbornly.
“Is your experiment a failure?” Asks Meng Yao, knowing full well he is using a fake excuse.
Cangse Sanren lets out a grumpy sound that means nothing, then exchanges a glance with her not-husband and her friends. A-Ying—who is slowly recovering from the tickle attack—doesn’t know what they tell each other with just one glance, but they seem to come up with a decision:
“We did lock ourselves up because of an experiment,” Cangse Sanren says.
Sisi frowns, and Meng Shi picks it up quite well, she guesses: “But it’s not the only reason, right?”
Wei Changze sighs, while Cangse Sanren holds A-Ying closer, tighter too.
“We received the news that we lost someone.”
A-Ying is not sure what they mean by lost, like they did lose him that one time in the forest? Or when he ran away? if so, they should look for them instead of staying inside, right? It doesn’t make much sense, so he says:
“I will help you look for them, mommy, don’t worry.”
Then he remembers he loses things a lot too, and barely finds them on his own, he always needs Jiang Yanli’s help. Cangse Sanren gives her son a sad smile and a small peck on the forehead.
“Thank you sweetheart but it’s not what I meant by losing it.”
“Then what do you mean?”
“It means they are dead, that we can only see them again when we meet in our next life. But never in this one anymore.”
“Oh.”
A-Ying looks down, he knows what “dead” means, it’s what happened to A-Ning and Wen Qing’s parents after all. What happens to a lot of people who are calling for cultivators’ help. What his father almost had been when he Qi deviated. So he gets the fear. It’s still very fresh in his mind. Still, it’s a big scary word that he doesn’t quite get.
“Can’t you see them as a ghost?” He tries, because he is quite sure that’s what happened, he remembers the lessons.
His mother’s expression gets sad again, but she still smiles. She holds a jade token that is tied to her waist for a tiny moment.
“Yes that’s a possibility, that’s what we tried to do, but… it didn’t resolve anything.”
“Is it someone we know?” Immediately inquires Wen Qing, wary. She has the expression of someone who is ready to get bad news, and surely, she is the one who will suffer the most from it.
“Yes, I’m afraid,” admits Wei Changze.
And immediately Jiang Cheng surprises them all by blurting, scared: “It’s not Lan Juan, right?”
It’s true that the Lan healers often joke about Lan Juan’s clumsiness and how it might kill her one day. The poor boy must have remembered. Fortunately, his intervention helps lessen the shock, as Jiang Fengmian quickly brushes off this possibility:
“No, Lan Juan and Lan Yuan are both fine, don’t worry.”
Wen Qing’s shoulders drop, relieved. Wei Changze, however, clarifies, because she is the one who is going to be affected the most by the news:
“It’s the woman you talked to lately, through the Jiang’s communication array.”
“Oh.”
Wen Qing doesn’t cry, but her lower lips tremble a bit. Cangse Sanren immediately opens her arms and the little girl doesn’t hesitate long before she finally gives in and goes to seek comfort in the adult’s arms.
“You can cry A-Qing, it’s normal to be sad over it.”
“Was she sick? Would I have been able to help?” The little girl asks instead, her voice shaking.
“She was sick, but no, you couldn’t do anything. She knew she didn’t have long left.”
Meng Yao is startled at that, pieces of a puzzle getting together inside his mind. Could it be? He only knows one person who has been sick. Madam Lan. Does that mean that Lan Huan’s mother is dead? He is afraid to ask, A-Ying is not crying yet, but if he learns that his best friend’s mother is gone he will surely. Meng Yao himself feels like crying.
“I got to see her spirit. She left in peace and didn’t suffer in the end.” Appeases Cangse Sanren.
Wen Qing muffles a sob and A-Ning pats her head, tears rolling down his cheeks too, as sensitive as ever. Meng Yao doesn’t say anything instead he gets near his mother and lets himself be close to her warmth. Suddenly scared she might be taken away too. It seems he is not the only one who thinks that way, all the kids in the room get closer to the one they cherish the most, clinging to them as if they could make sure they will never leave.
For the longest time, they all remain silent, each taking the news differently, ignoring the food that is getting colder and colder, their stomachs full, cramping over emotions. Then suddenly, Cansge Sanren lets out a big sighs and growls:
“Urgh, this atmosphere is so gloomy! I can’t stand it! I’m tired of being sad!”
Sisi gives her one look and states: “You’re all four have been moping all day long, you can give the children more than an incense stick of grieving time.”
And Wei Chanzge adds, wisely: “It’s important to let them feel”. Which coming from him is a bit cheeky. It’s good because it shows he learned his lesson well, but still, the guts!
The situation makes Jiang Fengmian snort despite himself and Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes up. Wen Qing sniffs but looks at her adoptive aunt, a little bit lost. Cangse Sanren shakes her head, her cheeks red.
“I didn’t mean for you to stop crying, if you want to cry, do so, I’m just saying that… that I’m done sharing the sad news and I want a good one now!”
“Sorry, we don’t have a stock of good news in our sleeve waiting just for you,” comments Yu Ziyuan, amused.
“Well then I will make one!” Cangse Sanren protests.
She turns to Wei Changze, who looks at her with surprise, A-Ying sitting on his lap. She blurts out:
“Will you marry me?”
That certainly shut everyone up. For almost a second. Then the whole crowd explodes and they all let out a big sound of surprise, Wei Changze included. Which is rude. Especially coming from Sisi, didn’t her sister-in-law ask time and time again that she make her brother an honorable man? Well she is doing that right now! Why is she complaining? Fortunately the one who is supposed to talk doesn’t take long to get back his composure, he never does, and he simply says:
“Why now?”
“Yes, marrying my brother isn’t a joke you do to cheer people up, it’s important stuff!” Complains Sisi.
Why indeed? If Cansge Sanren had to point out a reason, it would be because she witnessed how Liu Hua and Lan Qiangsi’s love story crashed down. They missed each other time and time again and she doesn’t want to end up like them. She wants Wei Changze and her to be on the same page, for the world to know that she is his and he is hers. Maybe it’s also to make up the fact she cannot say anything about the secret she learned. And maybe it is like Sisi says, to cheer everyone up, she just hates people being sad this much. But she also loves Wei Changze even more, and isn’t that the best reason to marry? She tells them the last one, as it is the one that counts the most.
Somehow it feels like Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian understand the two other reasons even without hearing it and their figures untense. Yu Ziyuan even smiles up:
“It would be about time you do marry.”
“I’m sure it will be a lovely ceremony,” adds Jiang Fengmian.
“Aren’t daddy and mommy already married?” Wonders A-Ying, very confused right now, like most of the children.
“Yeah isn’t not-husband and not-wife just a joke?” Adds A-Cheng.
“Do you have enough savings for this?” Asks Meng Shi, ever so pragmatic.
Cangse Sanren laughs nervously, especially when Yu Ziyuan states “I’m not paying anything so you better have enough” which is a lie, they all know she will make sure her sworn sister is the loveliest bride of all even if she has to tie her up at the ancestral hall until she bows down to make sure she doesn’t ruin her makeup. She will probably use the excuse that it’s important for the Jiang Sect to hold a perfect ceremony.
Anyways, Cangse Sanren turns to Wei Changze and gather her most romantic voice:
“So, will you stop being my not-husband and become my real-husband?”
Everyone holds their breath, staring at Wei Changze, as the man finally lets out a small smile.
“Normally it’s the husband who asks.” He comments.
“Since when do we care about doing things in the right order?” She laughs. “We skipped on the courting too! and we even had a child! Oh, look, what about it? A-Ying can be our courting gift!”
“I’m a gift!” Repeats A-Ying, strangely proud of the fact.
“The best gift!” Cangse Sanren confirms.
Wei Changze looks at her, as she is on her knees, still holding a red eyed Wen Qing, their adoptive daughter, while he has their sons, A-Ying and Wen Ning, on his lap. Meng Yao, his ward and nephews at his right. They really did, he notices mentally, amused. Somehow it fits for Cangse Sanren and him to make this messy and chaotic. He wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Will you be able to get back on your feet or are you stuck kneeling?” He teases though, because that’s their way to flirt after all.
“I’m stuck kneeling so you can take your time before you answer me, I’ve got all night. ”
“Changze, stop joking and answer her, ” warns Sisi, at her wit's ends.
Wei Changze smirks but does not obey, instead he looks at his not-wife and inquires, concerned:
“I thought you didn’t want to marry because we didn’t have any family to bow to.”
Cangse Sanren laughs it off, it’s true that once upon a time, it had hurt her (more than it had Wei Changze, but he was the most against the wedding amongst the two of them). And it’s not the case anymore. She has a family now. Said family that is getting impatient still:
“You can bow in the general direction of Baoshan Sanren’s mountain,” offers Jiang Fengmian.
“Or she can bow to me, I’m her sworn sister after all” States Yu Ziyuan, her hands on her hips.
“Just answer her Changze!”
“And you bow to me!” Adds Sisi. “Say yes already don’t leave a lady waiting this long!”
Sisi completely misses the way Meng Shi looks at her after this comment. All she hears is the firm confirmation:
“Yes, it is rude to keep one hanging.”
Wei Changze snorts and finally, finally, he gives his not-wife a kiss on the lips and says:
“I would be happy to marry you.”
It helps that now, he is proud of his family, if not the complete one. He will be happy to have Sisi’s blessings. He just wishes he could have MingYao, MingYan and Wanyue’s too. But he supposes life is made that way. Cangse Sanren will not have her uncle-cannot or her adoptive mother and he will not have all his siblings to the ceremony.
Cangse Sanren kisses him back and the whole crowd cheers. Jiang Yanli is already half pleading to be allowed to sew a bit of Cangse Sanren’s robe or to be in charge of the banquet menu. Jiang Cheng says they need to invite everyone. A-Ying is already asking tons of questions about marriage, curious as ever. That’s when it suddenly occurs to her that she has forgotten something very important in the midst of the pain, sadness, surprise and joy. She laughs:
“Besides, we might not have to pass on our family being there,” she tells them.
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan’s feature suddenly lights up, as they are guessing what she is about to say. Cansge Sanren finally drops the news, with her usual recklessness:
“We may have a lead to find both my uncle-cannot and your sister Wanyue!”
For the third time in less than an hour, the room is rendered speechless for a whole minute, and then roars back in surprise.
“Another uncle and aunt for A-Xian?” grumbles Wen Qing, the voice of reason. “He is going to be insufferable about it.”
“NEW UNCLE AND AUNTIE!” Screams Wei Ying, overjoyed, confirming her fears.
Cangse Sanren laughs at the chaos she created until she cries, her heart squeezed by both sadness and joy. She thinks that… Liu Hua and her are alike, always creating a mess. It’s just that it’s the right kind of mess this time. Maybe she would be happy to witness that scene.
Her hand finds the jade token and she squeezes it tight.
Notes:
Surprise!! Or not xD You all knew this was coming but I hope I surprised you a bit still uvu
Also I made a mistake in the age range, Second Madam Mo is probably 2 years older than Jiang Yanli. I'm gonna correct that ;)
See you on Friday with a new chapter !
Chapter 96: Can or Cannot ?
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you're all doing great ^^
I'm sorry i missed the friday update, it was my first day of winter break and i decided to celebrate it by doing not much xD - and Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie were busy with christmas celebrations and family so they couldn't beta-read the chapter. It's still the case? I will edit it right away when they'll have the time to beta-read it. But for now i still wanted to give you a late-christmas present and deliver you this chapter ^^
I hope you'll like it !!
Previous chapter summary --> After witnessing Liu Hua's memory, everyone was kind of depressed. Fortunately the children noticed that and were determined to make their parent feel better! They didn't have to do much though, as their presence definitely helped soothe the heart fo the adult...And Cangse Sanren tired of bad news decided to give everyone something to look forward...And proposed Wei changze. Who accepted, after a few jokes. Hopefully they will also find their missing family member in time for the ceremony, after all they have a plan to find the mysterious uncle-cannot and Wei Wanyue...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 91- Can or cannot?
The next few weeks are...messy, to say the least. They are still all shaken from what they discovered through the jade token, and to recover from it they cling to this new project : Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze’s marriage and finding back this Uncle-Cannot and Wei Wanyue.
It’s a bit embarrassing to say but Cangse Sanren is starting to chicken up.
“I didn’t think this through,” she mutters, as another servant asks her if she wants Lotus Hair pins or another pattern, and she answers them I don’t know, for the third time in a row.
Yu Ziyuan sends her a glance, and replies, unhelpful : “When do you ever?”
Which is fair, okay, and true, but still! Besides why do they need to ask the Lotus Pier’s matchmaker about good fortune and their compatibility? They’ve already eloped! And they are very much compatible : A-Ying is here to prove it! (She might have glared at the lady until she read the chart correctly and said -after three trials- that yes, Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren’s fate are fortunate together, she just read it wrong) And why do they have to rely on fortune telling to choose a date? Does she really need to make this decision now about a hair piece? How much does it even cost? Her future-husband is broke, she will pay everything. Gods does she have enough? She sees the bills piling up and she doubts it suddenly.
“Hey, we should elope a second time,” she tells Wei Changze, after another maid just asked if she wants meat or fish for the banquet.
He kisses her nose and answers, firm : “We can’t do that.”
She whines. It’s not fair before his Qi deviation her not-husband always agreed with the idea of running away and disappearing into the wild!
She knows he is right and they can’t do that anymore, she still is frustrated. She just wants to invite Lan Zhan and Lan Huan so she can hug them, find her missing family (and her husband’s sister), do her three bows and bangs her husband. Why can't she? Why is life so complicated?!
Unconsciously she touches the jade token that has found its place at her sash. It will stay here until...Until she comes up with a decision about Liu Hua’s spirit. That or until the two Lan boys are old enough to make a decision for her (she won’t give them the token now, they are too young to see such an awful and sad story. It still saddens her everytime she thinks about it and she is old ). In the meantime she finds peace thinking that even though Liu Hua’s spirit is sealed, she gets to be around people and travel with Cangse Sanren. It’s better than leaving it collecting the dust on a shelf, right? Besides she can dive into it whenever she wants ;and check the memory that picked up her interest. Like the carved door she is looking for (though Liu Hua’s memory is messy, there’s no name of the village, not even region, as it happened when she didn’t care much and just wandered with no other goal than getting stronger). She also wants to check the Xue’s memories Liu Hua’s carries too. It hurts her to think that all this knowledge might be lost - as she doesn’t know what the Lan sect will do to Liu Hua’s notes. She is sure Liu Hua wouldn’t want that to happen either.
Despite her excuses for keeping the token with her, she just wants Liu Hua to be close and free. Even if the woman isn’t aware of it.
“Are you sure you want to invite the Lan?” Jiang Fengmian says, when she gives him her list of guests. (They have to tell them a long time in advance apparently, because people have life outside of Lotus Pier).
If Jiang Fengmian understood the Lan Clan’s decision regarding Liu Hua, he is still showing wariness over them. He should be over it ; almost everyone involved in this mess is dead. But he is not. When Cangse Sanren has started to record everything the ghost general told her, she mentioned Cloud Recesses being burned, and at first Jiang Fengmian had been determined to warn the Lan once he would be sure they aren’t being toyed by the iron Yin. Now he isn’t so certain if he will ; it’s pettiness and resentment, and he knows he should be above that, but he still has troubles. He says to himself that for now nothing is set in stone and so he has time before making this decision.
“Well i’m friend with Lan Yuan and Lan Juan,” Cangse Sanren says. “So i want them at my marriage. What their clan did changes nothing to who they are. Especially when they had no say over it. They were too young.”
There’s true wisdom in her words, which is very concerning given it’s from their favorite troublemaker. One would think she would cause chao instead of bringing peace but since their return from the spell, she has been the one carrying them all through this tempest.
“And also i need to see Lan Zhan and Lan Huan and make sure they are okay but i’m not allowed at Cloud Recesses anymore.” She adds, a little bit more childish.
Back when they told the children about their friend’s passing, Meng Yao had asked to talk to Wei Changze, before he went to bed. He then asked if the one friend they lost had been Madam Lan. Honestly this kid is too smart for his own good. We Changze didn’t want to lie to him, so he confirmed his hypothesis.
“Can...Can i go to Cloud Recesses then?” The boy has asked. “I want to be there for Lan Huan.”
“We’ve just been there, we cannot go back this soon.” Has explained Wei Changze.
“We’ve been here before summer, it’s been months.”
“Yes, but they are teaching guests in this period of the year, they do not welcome anyone but their students during that period except for emergency. Besides Nie Mingjue is by his side, I'm certain he is making sure your friend isn’t alone. And you could write him a letter if you’re still worried.”
“But he didn’t say anything about his mother dying in his last letter. Maybe he doesn’t trust me enough for that.” Has admitted Meng Yao, on the verge of tears.
Cangse Sanren was about to tell him Lan Huan didn’t have time, as they knew about Madam Lan’s passing the minute it happened when their son probably learned hours, if not a day later. Wei Changze as always, had found a lie that sounded almost true:
“It is surely difficult for him to write about it yet, grieving is hard for everyone. Telling you would make his mother’s passing more real, give him a little bit more time, i’m sure he will tell you eventually.”
Meng Yao takes a pause, swallowing the words, then he admits ; “I wanted to protect him.”
“From his mother’s death?” Had repeated Cangse Sanren, puzzled.
“I suppose it was foolish.” Backed down the boy, skittish.
“It’s not foolish, it proves that you are kind and that you care. But you cannot protect him from death, no one can. What you can do is try to make it as painless as possible.” Explained Wei Changze.
“I really can’t go to Cloud Recesses?” Had insisted Meng Yao still.
“No i’m sorry.”
The problem is that Yu Ziyuan had been very touchy about other sects and clans after the memory reading. She has admitted that there was nothing they could do but she was still...snappy. And especially angry at Qingheng-Jun too. And when she is snappy she is overprotective of her own. Meng Yao is a disciple of the Jiang Sect, he is under her protection and so, it extends to him too. She is not willing to trust the Lan Clan one of their disciples after witnessing their worst.
Honestly Cangse Sanren expects Yu Ziyuan to jump at the throat of the next clan who hide anything from her. Sometimes Yu Ziyuan even agrees and tells that next conference she is going to drop everything they learned on the main table and ask anyone to open their closet and tell about their skeleton before she finds it because if she has to discover another conspiracy she is going to zap everyone. Cangse Sanren is pretty sure it’s a joke. Jiang Fengmian hopes it is. Wei Changze doubts. Meng Shi and Sisi are holding bets and definitely look forward to the show. Yinzhu and Jinzhu seem ready to help zapping anyone their madam points at.
A few days later after their conversation, Meng Yao received several letters, one from Jin Zixuan, and two others, from Nie Mingjue and Lan Huan. It calmed him down, as Lan Huan told him about his mother’s passing and also the fact that he had apparently spent one full day with his father for the first time. And that A-Zhan had caught a cold, nothing serious though. The second master Lan is now fine enough to go to the rabbits’ shelter to pet the bunnies with his brother, but he is still weakened. Nie Mingjue promised he would watch over their friends for the both of them but asked for some advice still. (despite the fact that Meng Yao doesn’t know more than Nie Mingjue, after all he still has his mother safe and sound by his side, unlike the older one) The Yunmeng Jiang boys answered almost immediately, then A-Yao helped A-Ying write his own letter to A-Zhan and asked for Wen Qing’s knowledge to send the right medicinal herbs alongside the letter. He even asked Wei Changze if he could paint a portrait of Madam Lan like he did for the Wen’s parents, that way Lan Huan and Lan Zhan would not forget their mother’s face. Apparently Lan Huan had started studying painting seriously for that purpose, but it would be great for him to have a model. Wei Changze had taken the request and the letter had been sent with the gift.
Fortunately, A-Ying hadn’t realized yet that the one person that died was Lan Zhan’s mother, or he would have made their life a living hell until someone brought him to Cloud Recesses. Cangse Sanren blesses the marriage’s atmosphere (and the search for his uncle and auntie) that keeps him distracted. She isn’t sure she could go handle this much at the same time.
Reminding Jiang Fengmian of the innocent Lan kids in this story helps to soothe the pain of the betrayal. The memories of Liu Hua are still close to his mind, and he cannot shake the remnant of her affection for her sons off him yet. He thinks that, if he listens to his sympathetic side he will be better. He will seek peace. He will warn the Lan about the burning of their stronghold and not frown at them and ask them reparation for their lies. Maybe even allows his kids to study at Cloud Recesses (Maybe. So they can form good memories in this place like Wei Changze and him.) But right now he wants his kids as far as Cloud Recesses as possible...He just...needs more time to get over this and nurture this peace of mind alone. Maybe he will forgive the Lan sect one day. Maybe he will not, but still he forbids himself to wish them harm or pain. That’s what killed his own father after all. There’s nothing he can do anyways but hopes that the elders responsibles for this tragedy will be replaced. So he focuses on the task at hand and not those awful thoughts.
“You want to invite Madam Jin to the wedding?” Asks Jiang Fengmian as he looks at the list Cangse Sanren gave him.
There’s very few people, it’s a very short list and most of them are for the kids’ sake. They also decided on a date (the first auspicious one that takes place after the end of Cloud Recesses’s year of study, that way Nie Mingjue could be invited). Cangse Sanren shrugs at the comment :
“She is Yu Ziyuan’s friend and she helped Meng Shi and Sisi out. Besides i want to ask if my spiritual tool has been useful to her.”
“But Meng Yao…”
“Ah yeah the deal about Meng Yao never being there when she is...Huh...Can you tell her since it’s my marriage she has to get over it? I won’t chase away my husband’s ward and future nephew.”
“Future nephew?”
“Yeah, Sisi and Meng Shi are definitely going to be a thing. Actually once i’m married i plan to bother Sisi about marrying Meng Shi as much as she bothered me about marrying her brother.”
Jiang Fengmian stares at her in disbelief ; he is not convinced. Well , thinks Cangse Sanren, he is wrong and he will know one day. She is not the only one who noticed the two ladies being in love ; almost every disciples are betting about when they will confess to another. (Though most of them are betting against the confession because they have a crush on one or another) Still, she insists:
“I won’t chase Meng Yao out, if Madam Jin wants to be at the marriage, she has to stand his presence. Can you find a political and polite way to say this to her?”
An acceptable way to say to the wife of a sect leader that she is less important than a bastard? Jiang Fengmian sighs ; it’s flattering but really, he wishes his friends had less faith in his political ability.
“I will ask my lady to talk to her, she is probably the only one who will be able to make this happen. I can’t promise anything.”
Later that day, Yu Ziyuan will hear the request, rolls her eyes up, complain about spoiling too much Cangse Sanren but still promise to talk about it to Madam Jin.
“Any other guest i need to find a polite and nice way to invite for you?” Jiang Fengmian asks, a mix between amused and annoyed.
Cangse Sanren marks a pause and says:
“Hm, no, but i need to go at Yiling tomorrow.”
And the next day she goes alone on her sword. She doesn’t go to Yiling as she said, but flies near the border of burial mounds, clutching her letter to Baoshan Sanren in her hands. She didn’t even tell Wei Changze about her adoptive mother’s mountain. She just told him she needed a break and not being bothered by tons of people asking details for the marriage. Which is also true. She will tell him the truth when she gets back.
It’s the first time she came back this close since she left.
She feels a bit nauseous and nervous ; but she has been since the marriage preparation and the search for the weird panda door started. It’s just a little bit more than usual. She thought being alone would do her good, help her calm her mind. It helps Jiang Fengmian after all! But fuck that was a stupid idea. They are very different people. Too different! She has been super wrong it doesn’t work at all on her. She is terrified. Terrified to be rejected again. So she sits near the lake that leads to Baoshan Sanren’s secret village, and freezes, holding her letter. She takes small breath in and small breath out without managing to calm down a bit. But it doesn’t count, she doesn’t think there has been a time in her life when she has ever been calm. A-Ying takes too much after her, surely.
Since she doesn’t manage to get a normal heartbeat, and the silence is not helping her ease her mind, she starts to talk to the void :
“Hey, i know you said you never wanted me to come back, but...here i am! You know i’m not good at obeying rules, even though i’ve really, really tried to follow that one because...well i was really angry at you. Actually i think i’m still am, given everything i learned but…”
She pauses.
“I...miss you a bit. And I would really use your help on many subjects right now.”
Her blob-son and how to save him, for example. Or how Baoshan Sanren missed Liu Hua when she was right there, suffering before her very eyes. If Baoshan Sanren had noticed, would she have brought Liu Hua back to her mountain with the baby? Would that have saved her? Would Cangse Sanren make friends with her? Would they have fled the mountain together, headed for Cloud Recesses and met Qingheng-Jun and Wei Changze there? If Teacher who had been there too, had recognized Liu hua and brought her back to Cloud Recesses, would this story ended up better, or worse?
You can rewrite history with “what if” and “would have” so she tries not to think about that. But yet, her finger still brushes the jade token she wears all the time now, where she can feel Liu Hua’s spirit sleeping.
She really wants to break the seal on it, but she is so scared to dwell on demonic cultivation, to ruin the woman’s legacy and having to destroy her if Liu Hua ever turns into a resentful ghost. There’s too much to lose. She would only have one chance. She is not confident enough to take it. Not when last time it killed so many. She has been wondering about what she could do -even considering talking to the Ghost general and her blob-son, seeking advices. But the cost is too big ; Wen Ning is weak and she doesn’t want him to be sick again, especially when Wen Qing is still shaken by Liu Hua’s death. Poor girl has been through enough and Cangse Sanren wants to spare every pain she can. Cangse Sanren doesn’t know what to do. So far she has been working on her incense burner -the one that maybe will make her able to speak to her blob son and the ghost general directly without repercussion on the kids. She also works on theory for the jade token ; like Baoshan Sanren used to repeat her to do.
“You would be so proud, i’m doing everything perfectly! Testing on paper but not in real life, again and again, every damn step. It will probably take me ten years before i’m ready at this pace. No wonder you lost all sense of time!” She laughs nervously.
It helps though, to work on the theory of the jade token, it’s an illusion she is doing something when the truth is she does not. But it lessens her guilty feeling. She has the impression she is trying for Liu Hua and her sons at the very least. Lan Huan had sent her a letter too, telling her how Lan Zhan fell ill, how he didn’t understand his mother’s death and thought she was still here (if not at Lotus Pier, in her gentian house still, just not wanting to see him. All fo this because of the letter she sent recklessly the morning she learned the news. She has messed up completely. When they planned for the letters delivery with Liu Hua, they didn’t think about the kids’ reaction to it, too focused on how to avoid being censored by Lan elders. They should have.
Definitely she can’t allow herself to mess up again with the Lan boys. Their baby’s hearts are on the line! Wei Changze listened to her fear last night, when she admitted her wrongs, and kissed her. He told her that maybe they could use Jiang Fengmian’s method for once : just wait for an opportunity since they are stuck with no good solution right now. Until then she can work on theories, run tests and prepare.
“And you could give the letters to Lan Yuan and Lan Juan, when they are here for the marriage, so they can give it to the boys at the pace they feel is right. They are good with feelings. They also would be able to explain things to them better as they can talk face to face.” He even offered.
“Maybe, but i’m not sure i want to bring them in this mess, if they are caught…”
She had thought back at the conversation they held about the same subject. Back then she had been confident that whatever happened, the punishment wouldn’t be that bad, she knew it would not be pleasant but she didn’t think the elders would be cruel. Now she knows better than they can. She saw Liu Hua’s memory. So she doubts. Yet Wei Changze, as usual, found the right words:
“From what you told me, they are already in the mess. I doubt they will say no if you ask them to step down. And if the worst happened, we would act.”
Cangse Sanren’s mood drops and she shakes her head, chasing the memory away. Her future-husband is right : It has not happened yet ; one thing at the time, she will deal with that problem when it will arise. She should focus on the present ones, on the good news :
“By the way,” she tells the lake, and maybe Boashan Sanren on the other side. “I’m going to get married! And you’re invited.”
She shows the letter.
“I know i’m not allowed to go in your village again but i assumed if i can’t go in, you can maybe go out and say hi? Meet my husband? He is awesome, you’d like him. And also my kid. Yeah because we had a kid before marriage, the scandal! My baby is also awesome, i told you about him in my last letter and you told me to let him at the Jiang and go hide here. Which i will not do, that such a stupid idea. We need to talk about the way you think about parenthood one day. But not on my wedding day, it will be a peaceful moment where no one fights over anything but the food. I hope.”
She gulps, still feeling nervous about it. Jiang Fengmian has taken the marriage to heart ; he is helping in every way he can, like he is the one getting married. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Yanli are also very eager -it’s almost frightening. Somehow they brought every disciples and children along and now everyone is looking forward to the ceremony despite it being planned after the lantern festival!
When Cangse Sanren thinks about marrying Wei Changze she has no doubt ; but still all the ceremony, the seriousness of it all. She is never good at serious stuff. What if she has a hiccup when she has to speak? What if she can’t raise up between the bows because of her legs? What if she pulls a Lan Juan, trips and falls on the tablets, breaking it? Or worse ; what if she tears away the robe Jiang Yanli is working so hard to sew? She would be so ashamed! She can’t do that, poor Yanli would cry! What if A-Ying gets too excited, eats too much soup and barf on some important guests?!
Again she shakes her head to conjure these possibilities. It will not happen. Everything will go well! It has too. After everything bad that happened to them lately, karma is bound to change! Besides…
“And i didn’t tell you,” she resumes to Baoshan Sanren’s lake. “But maybe i will have uncle-cannot at my wedding! You remember him? I don’t remember if i ever told you about him. Had to, at some point, right? Well, maybe we found him!”
And maybe her husband’s sister at the same time ; honestly it would be awesome if they could. Wei Changze doubts it, he says it would be too much of a coincidence. She thinks there’s not this many panda stories around. So she has bet with Jiang Fengmian and Meng Shi. All the sect is betting to be honest. If she wins, the marriage will be almost completely paid.
The joke keeps the fear at bay. But not completely. She has been so sure inside Liu Hua’s memory (maybe the spell is to blame for this confidence) but now she can’t help but doubt. Especially when she dived back into the memory to find only blurry landscape and no village name at all. After such a big clue she thought they would be able to find the manor easy-peasy and the complications make her doubt. What if they never find the carved door? It’s been a long time since Liu Hua’s memory. Many things could have changed by then. What if she got everyone’s hopes up for naught? It was supposed to be a happy news that would make everyone happy and undepressed!
She breaths in and out, trying to calm down. Maybe she should go back and cry in her future-husband’s arms. Maybe it would all these awful emotions go away.
“Can i help you with something?” A voice asks her.
Cangse Sanren is so startled she almost drops into the water by accident ; fortunately a firm hand catches her before she does. It’s a young man, maybe just about to be crowned, he has a gentle, compassionate face and wears a horse whip at his belt.
“I’m sorry, i was just rambling about...huh...Stuff.” She says.
“It’s a weird place to do that, Burial mounds can be quite dangerous, even if you don’t wander past the wards.” The man replies, concerned.
“Ah, i suppose to. Sorry i just…You’re right, i will go.”
She is too tired to walk the way back, but doesn’t want to bring up the attention on her, which would happen if she just flies off. So she stands up -a little bit wobbly. Before she leaves, she takes her letter -the one she has meant to deliver in the first place- and throws it into the lake. She doesn’t know if it will work -she wrote everything on bamboo scroll to protect it from water and used her spiritual energy to make sure the ink won’t get erased- but she can only hope. (She should probably have tested this with a prototype at lotus pier but i’ts too late to regret) The man sends her a puzzled look and she laughs :
“Sorry, it’s hum, cultivator stuff. Complicated! Don’t worry too much about it. It’s...An attempt. To purify water! Yes, that’s it. I’m attempting to clean the close parts of the burial mounds. To make good water.”
She takes a sip of water in her hands, gulps it down and winces. The stranger raises an eyebrow at her.
“Yeah...not good water yet-Anyways I have to go. Thank you for your help.”
And she leaves, as fast as she can -which is not a lot-, her face all red. She hopes she didn’t give away her teacher’s secret passageway to a stranger by accident.
The man looks at her as she disappears, confused. Then he takes a peek at the bamboo letter : it’s floating instead of drowning. Before he can decide what to do, a young kid jumps into the water and splashes everything around.
“Oh what’s this?”
He holds the bamboo letter and opens it.
“Xue Yang, don’t-”
“She threw it away, it’s not her anymore! See it as the same as collecting scraps!“
The golden bird that has taken the habit to fly with them when they wander out lets out a tiny sound. It gives a hit with his beck on Xue Yang’s head, and the boy yelps and waves his hand to chase him away. Once he is saved from the bird’s fury, Xue Yang tries to decipher the letter. The woman looked familiar, but he only saw her from afar as she walked out. So it must not be Cangse Sanren. Cangse Sanren flew on her sword.
“It certainly doesn’t look like a cleaning array!” He says, proudly. “Or this woman is a very bad cultivator!”
And she writes like shit. He has trouble reading even one character. Xiao Xingchen sighs and goes inside the lake, taking the letter from Xue Yang’s hands. The bird lands on his shoulder.
“Tch! Why does he not attack you too? That’s favoritism,” Xue Yang complains.
Xiao Xingchen smiles at the joke. Then he looks at the letter, wincing at the awful writing. But he can manage some words out of it. His eyebrows touch his hairline. The bird suddenly jolts awake, peeping loudly:
“You’re right, we need to tell this to Baoshan Sanren.” He declares.
“Tell her you’ve started speaking to birds?” Jokes Xue Yang.
Xiao Xingchen snorts and activates the portal. Together they are dragged down to the bottom of the lake, returning to Baoshan Sanren’s secret mountain.
***
Wei Changze sighs, looking at the reports from the Jiang-Inns. He asked every single one of them to tell him if they ever heard about a Clan’s door which has a Mo creature carved on but still calls it a panda. At first he has been so sure the order would be so specific, they would find it no time -foolish he has been. He has read ten reports so far and none of them have heard of such door.
They know it exists, but they can’t find where. It’s so frustrating! He really wants Cangse Sanren to find her uncle-cannot and have someone at their wedding to bow to. Wei Changze doesn’t think they will find Wanyue here -it would be strange- but he has Sisi, and Wei Zhengjiu. He will have family on this day. (The one that matters. He asked Zhengjiu to not bring his parent’s tablet. He doesn’t want to bow to them and have their blessings, fuck tradition and filial piety. It’s not like it’s the first tradition they’re stepping on). But he wants his future wife to also have someone by her side.
So he opens up the eleventh scroll of reports that arrived this morning. He is about to put the twelfth on fire when A-Ning comes inside, running, his sister chasing after. Wei Changze is surprised by their presence ; they should be with their granny, in the Dafan mountains for two days still. Wen Qing requested to go there especially (Meng Yao told him it’s probably to make a surprise wedding gift for the Wei). Anyways they shouldn’t be here today. So why-
“F-found it! F-found it!” A-Ning states.
“Found what?” Wei Changze asks, taking the boy on his laps.
“What’s all this fuss?” Asks Cangse Sanren, alerted by the noise. She has been working on the wedding’s account with Meng Shi in the next room, barring the access of the place so Wei Change would not Qi deviate from the sheer amount they are spending on it.
“We found your panda!” States Wen Qing, with a serious glare.
Immediately Wei Changze’s heartbeat increases, he leans forward and asks :
“You’re sure?”
A-Ning nods eagerly :
“It’s the weird panda! You’re looking for p-panda, they have a w-weird panda.”
It’s Wen Qing who translate the five years old’s blabbering :
“There’s a commoners clan near Dafan mountains, we passed near their domain with A-Ning and granny while we were...hum.” She doesn’t say they have been looking for a gift. Wei Changze fakes not guessing it and lets her continue.
“They have a strange illustration on their door with a big chimera beast, one with a long nose, and tiger paw and other weird things, and A-Ning asked what it was to the door keeper and he said it was a panda. Which is not,” she insists to her brother, because she doesn’t want him to learn false things.
“They said it’s p-panda!” Assures A-Ning. “I like p-panda but not that panda.” He adds.
That alone should be enough to convince them. And Wei Changze’s heart makes a loop as he realizes it ; that’s why the panda thing has rung a bell but not a pattern! He probably heard about this story when he spied around the Dafan region, two years ago! He has no recollection of it, but it had been irrelevant to his problem back then why would he bother remembering it? Immediately he looks for the Dafan Inn’s reports. Of course it’s the scroll that is at the very bottom of the pile! He opens it, and as expected, the report states they have heard of such story. Exactly as the Wen kids said. Wei Changze feels like his brain suddenly gets a rush of sugar. It’s there! They found it!
Unaware of all of this, Wen Qing rolls her eyes and continue to explain to the other adults :
“Well they’re wrong.They're just trying to show off, and look scholarly : they said it’s a panda because of some poet or artists or whatever. The clan’s name is this:”
She writes it down in front of A-Ning so he can learn, but also adding with a smug face to Cangse Sanren :
“Their name is with the character "do not, is not, can not" or "there is none who can”"
Cangse Sanren’s wavers. This is it! This...This is why her father laughed at uncle-cannot’s nickname! It has to be it! She feels herself weak as she looks at the characters on the paper. It doesn’t ring a bell like the carved door in Liu Hua’s memory. But she caresses it anyways.
The Mo clan. Her family. Her uncle-cannot maybe.
Maybe.
Wei Changze considers the clan anew ; it’s easy to imagine his father getting confused the same way A-Ning had been, and drawing a panda to remember. If it’s near Dafan mountain it’s also not so far away from his village. But the possibility is there. Is it where Wanyue has been sold? He doesn’t dare hope. If it could lead them to Cangse’s uncle cannot, this is enough.
Yet Cangse Sanren who has been so confident about it until now seem to not believe they are at arm’s reach.
“It’s there, Cangse.” Wei Changze says, holding her hands, trying to give her some courage. He knows full well how weak one can feel facing the past they thought had been left behind.
“It’s there.” She repeats, in disbelief. She almost expects the clue to disappear right in front of her, like fumes. Likes it’s an illusion, a trap. But it remains here.
It’s there.
She wonders why she cannot shake the fear away.
Notes:
You know i like to answer your comments and talk with you...Well once i discussed with Shiver_Mint in the comment section and they told me this : “The wiki said that Mo was the 3rd century BCE name for giant panda, but because of a French sinologist in 1824 misidentifying the Mo as black-and-white Malayan tapir (which weren't native to historical china) due to Chinese woodblock illustrations, described by the famous Tang poet Bai/Bo Juyi in the 9th century, that depicted a mythological mo chimera with elephant trunk, rhinoceros eyes, cow tail, and tiger paws, the giant panda's name lost it's original meaning and got changed from mo to da xiongmao (大熊貓 lit. "large bear cat"). But, it'd be funny if the Mo Family coat of arms was the woodblock illustration, and they claimed it was a panda, but then got told by Cangse and Changze(or whoever) that it was not in fact a panda.” I loved this piece of knowledge so much that i had to include it in the story. (Especially since it’s a FRENCH person who got it wrong, and since i’m French I thought it would be a nice to show that my people are idiots. Of course i twisted a bit the story to explain why a chinese man would get it wrong, you’ll learn about it later ^^
Also i posted a "fanfic"
Are you ready for the family reunion right before the wedding ? :)
Chapter 97: Reunion at the Mo manor
Notes:
Hello everyone !! I hope you're all doing well and great...And that you're ready for this chapter full of revelations (or not). Thank you so much for your comments last chapter i loved it <3
This chapter is beat-read by Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie (i hope, if i didn't get the wrong files xo if so, sorry!!)Previous chapter summary --> The Wei decided to marry! All Lotus Pier started to work to prepare the ceremony, and while everyone seemed to be happy and impatient...Cangse Sanren started to chicken up. Not that she was unhappy, but there were just so many things left to do! They still hadn't found all the Wei sibling, neither her uncle cannot, despite the last clue they found in liu Hua's memory. They also all had to grieve the woman they missed to know. Using the wedding as an excuse, she went to Yiling and threw an invitation to her wedding in Baoshan Sanren's lake. She had little hope the immortal would actually come, but she had needed to speak her mind about it. She didn't know, but Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang heard her and picked it up after she left. At Lotus Pier, a few days later, as they were still busy with the wedding preparation( and finding way to invite Madam Jin without excluding Meng Shi and Meng Yao), Wen Ning and Wen Qing came back in hurry. They had finally found the panda door they were looking for ; it is found in the Dafan mountain region. Here, a commoner clan named the Mo have a carved door they insist represent a panda, when it is in reality, a strange mo chimera. Is this where they will find uncle-cannot and Wei Wanyue? Suddenly, the wedding is not the only thing Cangse Sanren is scared about...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Let’s take a trip there,” Wei Changze says to his future wife. “Just you and me, it’s worth a try.”
“No,” Cangse Sanren protests, the fear taking over. “It’s too soon. We-we should confirm this before we go. It’s probably just me getting ahead of myself. It’s the atmosphere full of lost siblings and family reunited, that makes me hope for something that isn’t there. Or maybe I’m just imagining because I want something good to happen because you know, it kinda suck—”
Wen Qing sends Cangse Sanren a puzzled look, and so does everyone here in the room. Maybe it is, indeed. Maybe they’re both wrong, but what do they have to lose? Only a couple days trip. And honestly, how many doors carved with a Mo creature that everyone calls a panda, can there be? How many clans with carved Mo panda on their door have the character for “cannot” in their name? The coincidences are piling, even Wei Changze is being convinced at this point. So he takes her hands in his and whispers:
“Cangse, what if you’re not wrong? If it’s your uncle cannot?” He even adds, a bit sneaky because he knows that if she will not do it for her, she will do it for him. “What if it’s a lead to my sister too?”
The argument makes her waver, he can see it, and so does Meng Shi, who adds:
“It’s possible, I mean, Dafan mountain is as close to the Wei’s village as the Jiang Sect. And it seems to be a popular story and joke that is said around the region, it’s very likely their father heard about it and drew a panda to remember.”
Wei Changze is less convinced at that but Cangse Sanren definitely is.If she will not go for herself, she will for her future-husband. Together they manage to convince Cangse Sanren to go.
“I don’t want to get my hopes up,” she repeats, again and again, as they explain their plan to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. And again, as they prepare for their trip. And again, when she kisses A-Ying goodbye and tells him they will come back soon.
“With a new uncle?” Asks Wei Ying. “Or an auntie?”
“Or a panda!” Wishes Wen Ning. “A real one, not the scary one.”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. Don’t get your hopes up!”
It’s weird to see her so unsure of herself, especially when she had been the one carrying this hope for them only days ago. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian look worried, and A-Ying, feeling his mother’s stress, promises he will be a good boy and not cause any trouble while they’re away. Which no one believes because A-Cheng and him plotted something all morning and A-Li has already started preparing soup. Wei Changze asks Wen Qing to make sure no children get any broken bones, and Meng Yao to keep an eye on his paperwork. He does not want to find a pile taller than him when he returns.
Since they are two cultivators and Wei Changze is getting better, they go by sword this time. It’s faster. Sisi wanted to go, but she understood, given Cangse Sanren’s state, that it’s better to leave the couple alone.
The nearer they get from the place the more Cangse Sanren acts unsure. It reminds Wei Changze how he acted on his way back to his hometown too. It’s different though; Cangse Sanren already came in the region before and never reacted that way, it’s not repressed memories resurfacing and bothering her. It’s anxiety. It becomes clearer and clearer to Wei Changze, as his future wife blurts out words to fill the silence during their flight:
“What if he does not live there anymore? If someone just kept the carved door because he liked the story but it’s not the same family. Or maybe another branch of the family?”
“It’s unlikely, Cangse,” Wei Changze tries to soothe her.
“Even if he is still here,” she says at one point. “He must be super old! I mean, I'm around 38 years old, maybe even more, who knows? Not me! Well he must have been an adult when I was a kid, like maybe 20 at best. Maybe even more!! That would make him like around 50 now, right? And it’s a clan of commoners, do commoners live that long? I don’t think they live that long…We’re doing the trip for nothing. He is dead. We should go back—”
Wei Changze doesn’t point out her slight miscalculations—his wife is good with words and spells, but not so much with maths. That’s why she needs Meng Shi to help her with the wedding’s account and sometimes even Meng Yao. Instead Wei Changze helps her down from her sword. He presses her hands tight and asks:
“Do you not want to meet your uncle-cannot?”
If she does not, he doesn’t want to force her. But Cangse Sanren’s expression shifts, she bites her lips, looks around as if the answer could be hidden around the corner, and finally spit:
“Of course I do...but what...What if he doesn’t like me? What if he doesn’t believe us? What if he chases me away? What if he thinks I’m just some random crook trying to find its way to his family to get money?”
So. It’s rejection she fears the most? Wei Changze should have expected it. Cangse Sanren touches her hair, trying to tame it, which is an impossible task.
“I don’t look very good, am I? My legs are still very thin, it’s obvious I’m sickly...And maybe we should have brought Sisi, she knows how to make me look pretty. I don’t know how to make myself look pretty. Do I look pretty?”
“You look beautiful.” Assures Changze.
“Aw, thank you,” she kisses him quickly on the lips, but then returns to her panicking state quite as fast: “But you don’t count, you always find me beautiful. You’ve got bias. That’s why you’re marrying me.”
“Cangse,” Changze calls her, cupping her face in his hands, forcing her to stop fretting over nothing. “If he doesn’t love you, then he is an idiot, and you’re better off without him. You managed to live quite well and happy without him, you can still do it. I promise, even if it feels like you cannot, it’s the truth.”
He cannot assure her that there will be no rejection, but he can make sure she knows she will still have a family if there is one. He is not saying it will not hurt, though. Cangse Sanren’s lips tremble, and her eyes turns into crescent as she brushes off the whole deal with a shaky smile:
“Yeah, you’re right. And why should I worry about it? It’s probably not even him! I shouldn't have drunk all that stilled water at Yiling, that gives me tummy aches…”
”Stilled water, really?”
“I panicked okay? I'm not the smartest in those moments. Or never actually…”
“You’re the smartest person I know Cangse.”
“That's very worrying then, Argh. I shouldn't get my hopes up. He is probably dead already.”
It seems nothing he says will get her out of the loop right now, so Wei Changze decides to leave her be and goes to book their room at the inn. It’s the same inn as always, the one he uses to supervise the region; and so he takes the time to discuss with the owners about rumors going around, after thanking them from the report they sent only two days ago.
“Do you know something about the Mo clan?” He asks them after a while. “Heard anything troublesome about them?”
He wants to be prepared to protect his future-wife from an eventual heartbreak. The woman, their disciple’s mother, hums as she gives the question a thought.
“I don’t think so? They’re pretty standard.” She stops and turns to him. “Why do you care so much about them suddenly? I’m pretty sure I told you about them before but—”
“I apologize for that, back then it didn’t feel relevant, but now it is. There’s really nothing about them?” Wei Changze insists.
“Well, I know the Mo clan’s head experienced lot of troubles...he was married twice; his first wife never gave him a child, and when she died he dragged his feet to remarry for years...despite having no heir...People were saying awful things about him...Like he was infatuated with his own sister or that he was a cutsleeve but then he laid with his maid at some point, and now he is favoring her since his second wife died! It was full of drama but in the end the whole truth was very plain and not that uncommon. ”
“What’s uncommon it’s that the servant gave him a daughter and he recognized her!” Says her husband, from the kitchen. “If it was a son it would make sense, because he doesn’t have any, but he has a daughter already. From his official second wife! Yet he still recognized this one and she is called around the second lady Mo even. It doesn’t make much sense.”
“Seems like a good man,” Wei Changze says, because in his opinion someone who values his children no matter where they come from and their gender, is truly good.
“Still a man who cheated his second wife, though,” says the woman. “Before she died.”
“It’s not really cheating, if it’s with a servant girl—” starts the husband and Wei Changze decides it’s time for a strategic retreat before things get bloody.
When he returns to their room, his not-wife is still panicking one moment, and trying to calm down the next. He wonders if it would add oil to fire if he tells her what he learned, and then decides to keep his words: no lies between them, not even by omission anymore. His resolve doesn’t make it easier to tell, especially when Cangse Sanren’s face pales as she listens to him.
“So my uncle banged his own maid, apparently,” she laughs nervously at the end. “Well, if it is him; uncle-cannot sure can...Or maybe it’s not uncle-cannot. Maybe it’s his brother. Am I from a family of people who sleep around?”
“Well you did elope with me and you’re only marrying me now, when our child is 7 years old. Maybe it’s in your blood: you sleep around and dishonour innocent people, taking away their virtue—”
This joke makes her laugh, it almost sounds genuine. But then she remains silent for the rest of the night, anxious. He wraps her arms around her middle and tries to lull her to sleep to no avail. So he rubs circles on her stomach until he falls asleep. When they leave the inn, the next morning, Cangse Sanren has messy bed hair and bags under her eyes.
“Cangse, if you do not want to meet him, we can go back,” Wei Changze tells her, as they arrive at the border of the Mo’s territory.
He doesn’t want her to be sick like he had been. This is not worth it. And Cangse Sanren doesn’t answer this time, unsure.
“If you want to meet him, but don't have the courage to do so, I can go in your stead too,” he says, thinking of what Yu Ziyuan and Sisi did when he couldn't enter his childhood village.
Cangse Sanren takes a deep breath in, as if she is about to dive into a river, and then says loudly, almost screaming:
“It’s too late now, we’re here! Here, help me get on my feet I want to meet them standing and walking, and—”
She stops in the middle of her sentence and her whole face changes. She yells:
“Xiao Luzi!! My little donkey!! ”
Wei Changze’s brain comes to a stop, as his not-wife forgets all about standing and walking to fly off to the nearest shed. There, a donkey peacefully does...Well donkey things he supposes? Cangse Sanren almost collaspes on the beast and starts petting him with a laugh.
“I missed you so much! I thought we would never see you again after that mean innkeeper sold you! Look Changze; it’s Xiao Luzi, don’t you recognize him?”
Wei Changze really doesn’t; and he is amazed his wife could after just one passing glance. He is thinking maybe it’s just her nerves finally breaking under the pressure when the donkey starts munching Cangse Sanren’s hair and sends Changze a glare.
Oh damn, it’s really Xiao Luzi, he realizes. Is it childish of Wei Changze to glare back and tell him he didn’t miss him and replaced him with a cat? Probably. He still sticks his tongue at the animal, like he usually did to make Wei Ying laugh. The donkey snorts back.
“I can’t believe it’s him,” He murmurs, and looks at the shed the donkey is currently living; he is not the only animal living here, there’s more donkeys around. Who needs this many donkeys?
“This trip hasn’t been for naught, then, even if it’s not my uncle-cannot, or if there’s no lead to your sister, we still got one family member back!” Laughs Cangse Sanren and this time it’s a true, free-of worry sound.
Wei Changze looks at the donkey, who spits in his direction, and thinks he would have lived well without ever finding this one.
Cangse Sanren’s mood is infinitely better since she has seen her little donkey, blabbering about how A-Ying is going to be overjoyed to see him again, instead of not raising her hopes up. It’s good to see her back.
It would be better if Wei Changze could convince her to not take Little Donkey home. Because of reasons. Mostly because he doesn’t like the pet, but he could probably pin the blame on Yu Ziyuan and says she would hate having a donkey among her horses. And also they have a cat now. He is still looking for arguments when they reach Mo's manor.
Cangse Sanren opens her eyes wide at the carved door. It’s definitely more real now that she is facing it. She knew what to expect but still. Wei Changze frowns at Bo Juyi’s poem that is carved alongside it and comments the obvious:
“It’s really not a panda.”
But Cangse Sanren doesn’t care about the mythological Mo chimera. It’s the same as the one in Liu Hua’s memory. In her own memory. Why she believed panda were creature with elephant trunk, rhinoceros eyes, cow tail, and tiger paws that is carved on the wood, she whispers:
“It’s there...It’s really there...”
“Do you need to go inside? You told me that you have some recollections of the interior…”
“It probably changed by now,” she murmurs, hesitating again.
“You will not know until you go inside,” he tempers.
“Yeah...You’re right!”
Wei Changze realizes a tad too late she means now. He manages to grab her robe before she flies off the wall and trespasses her uncle-cannot’s home. Unfortunately all the commotion brings the attention of the gatekeeper on them.
Wei Changze is embarrassed but his wife’s stress last night worried him so much he hadn’t thought of a lie to give to the Mo. So he tries:
“I’m sorry to bother you, we are looking for someone who is nicknamed Uncle-Cannot, our investigation leads us to believe it might be someone from your clan. Would you mind talking about it to your master, and maybe if they are willing, to let us meet?”
“Also, we’re looking for someone called Wei Wanyue too!” Adds Cangse Sanren.
He sends Cangse Sanren a look and she gives him a shaky smile. But if she feels the need to use Wei Changze’s lost sibling as an excuse to feel better, he can let her have that. So he doesn’t deny her words.
The gatekeeper looks at them suspicious, but doesn’t chase them away, which is a good sign. He tells them to wait here and returns inside. Before the day’s end Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze find themselves sitting in the Mo hallway, waiting for—apparently—the Mo patriarch.
Cansge Sanren looks around, fidgeting again, but not from fright this time. The more she looks around the bigger her grin gets. Her eyes are starting to fill with stars. She almost bounces with joy, staring at each column, at the decoration, at the wooden floor even, chanting: “It’s here! It’s here!”
Forget all about not raising her hopes up...For her sake, Wei Changze sincerely hopes they are not mistaken. That her uncle-cannot isn’t dead as she feared. But it’s a good sign that the place is familiar to her, and not in the bad way his hometown had been to Wei Changze.
“Cangse, maybe you should try to calm down, they might not be what you want them to be—”
She giggles back at him: “You’re right, you’re right, you’re such a pro at finding family, you could probably write a book!”
She doesn’t calm down and looks even less happy despite her words, but hearing her making joke and light of the situation comforts Wei Changze a bit, so he jokes back:
“If I write a book about it the title would be: How-you-should-not-react-when-you-find-out-about-your-long-lost-and-forgotten-family.”
She grins: “That’s a mouthful: I love it!”
“Thank you, I tried very hard to make every bad decision one could just for this very day.”
“My hero!” She giggles and his joke earns him a kiss.
It takes one full hour for her enthusiasm to finally deflate a bit and be scared again. Two hours for someone to finally come and see them. It is not a man, but a young girl, she looks a bit older than Jiang Yanli; as she already has some curves. She is also pissed and sends them a dark glare.
“How dare you try to scam my father with your words! The Mo clan isn’t that easily deceived!”
Cangse Sanren wavers for a moment, all her fears turning into a reality. But then the meaning of the girl’s words hits her and she looks at the kid with stars in her eyes; whispering something that sounds a lot like a mix of “look at my little niece, so ready to fight!” and “my uncle-cannot is alive!” Wei Changze just stares back at the clear hostility in Lady Mo’s glance and thinks that someone should really take care of this sassy lost child.
But apparently she is the one they have to deal with for now, so he bows deep and talks in his wife stead:
“It is not our intention to scam your father.”
“As if! what do you want exactly? Money? A Title?” Cuts in the first lady, and each of her words make Cangse Sanren goes a little bit paler, chasing away the smile she has had so much trouble finding back. “You’ll have none! Throw them out—I don’t even get why you let them in the first place!!”
The gatekeeper, who is not a guard, looks a bit baffled at the order; the girl probably has no right to give it, and Wei Changze seizes this opportunity. He stands his ground and repeats:
“We do not need money nor a title, all we ask is to know if there’s anyone inside your clan that might once have been nicknamed uncle-cannot.”
“Do not say that! My father has suffered enough! I will not let you and your filthy words get into—”
“I wasn’t aware that he was so old that he had to rely on his daughter, who is not even an adult yet, to speak for himself. If his health is declining this much, please allow us to pay for a doctor of your choosing, we will wait until he has recovered and we can speak directly to him.”
The girl closes her mouth, and her whole face turns red. Cangse Sanren looks at her future-husband and her maybe-niece with a mix of curiosity, amusement and fear still. The teen is about to recover and scream back at them when a voice resounds in her back:
“Mo Shuyi, enough,”
An old man stands at the entrance of the hall, half leaning on another girl. He stares at what must be his daughter, as their likeness is striking, and says:
“I will deal with those guest, return to your room.” Then he turns to the one supporting him and his expression warms: “Thank you for warning me about it A-Rong,”
“It’s normal, father,” the other girl whispers back.
She stares at one must be her sister under her eyelashes. The sassy first lady’s mouth closes, and she bites her tongue.
“Father,” she says angry. “You can’t listen to them, they must be lying and—”
“This does not concern you, I told you to return to your room.”
This definitely shut her up, and she stomps out of the hall with great fury. Yet just before she disappears she can’t help but spat harsh words to her sister:
“Wanrong, you always have to open your filthy mouth and report everything to him like some little dog!”
“I told you enough!” Roars her father.
“Why do you always take her defense?! I have more right to be here than she does, she is just the daughter of a ser—”
“I wouldn’t have to defend her if you weren’t hostile in the first place, now I swear if I hear one more word from you—”
He doesn’t have to, the first lady Mo storms out of the room with tears in her eyes. Cangse Sanren almost feels sorry for her. Almost, the rest of her wants to stick her tongue out at her back. Wei Changze looks at the strange family in front of them, and especially the second girl. She is probably around the same age as the first one, a little bit older than Yanli but not by much. She looks familiar, not in the sense that she resembles her father—he can’t quite pint point why exactly. But he doesn’t have the time to wonder, as the old man walks toward them and sits with a heavy sigh. The little girl—the man’s other daughter apparently—from earlier gets near and starts pouring them all tea.
“I apologize for the scene you witnessed.”
“It’s okay,” assures Cangse Sanren, her voice trembling. She can’t take away her eyes from the man right now. “Children, we know what’s like, I have kids too.”
She regrets almost immediately. That has to be the worst first sentence to say to your possibly-family one could ever say!
“So. You said you are looking for uncle-cannot?” The old man says, with a sad, tired smile, ignoring her rambling.
“Yes!” Admits Cangse Sanren in one breath. “A-And also someone called Wei Wanyue, maybe.”
The little girl freezes and looks up, spilling some tea out of the cup in one motion.
“Why are you looking for my mother?” She blurts out.
Wei Changze stops breathing. Unlike Cangse Sanren who tried to steel herself from the disappointment, he didn’t have to do that, because he never hoped in the first place. Confused and unsure he points out his chest and mumbles:
“Nice to meet you. This one’s name is Wei Changze and—”
The Mo patriarch doesn’t let him finish, he turns to his daughter and orders:
“Go fetch your mother.”
She is gone as fast as the wind, light on her feet, or maybe she doesn’t, and Wei Changze is just too baffled by the fact that this girl might— is? —his niece apparently? That the servant he heard about is his sister? Thoughts are hard to come by for a moment, and all he manages to say is:
“And Sisi was angry you didn’t marry me…”
Cangse Sanren snorts, and for a moment they share the same thought: Sisi is going to skin this man alive. Suddenly Wei Changze realizes that this old — very old man —laid with his baby sister. (It doesn’t matter that she is older than him and he has no memory of her, last time he saw her she was a baby, hence she is still a baby now!) He is struggling to find a polite way to ask “did you knock up my sister?” when Cangse Sanren makes her move:
“And about this uncle-cannot?”
She tries to prepare herself again; maybe she somehow understood the whole situation wrong, this man is going to say that uncle cannot doesn’t exist, or that he existed like a brother or a cousin or something and he is dead and he will lead her to the ancestral hall. But a part of her heart refuses to listen to reason and hopes still. The Mo patriarch looks at her with a sad expression, and he turns the cup of tea in his hands, lost in his thoughts for a long while...before he finally scoffs.
“It’s been a long time since anyone called me that way.”
Cangse Sanren takes a deep breath in and bites her lips to not scream out, while her heart is pulsing so hard in her chest it might as well jump out of her body already .
“Forgive my daughter’s reaction to the nickname, but it is a story I often told her when she was young, and she knows how much it hurts me to think about it. May I ask you where you ever heard of it? I always thought the only people who knew were my close family.”
Cangse Sanren is suddenly very glad that Wei Changze’s niece is taking so long bringing back her mother—Wei Changze’s sister—because words are failing her. She feels the pricks of tears at the corner of her eyes, and she is afraid she might just blurt out stupidity if she opens her mouth again. Wei Changze notices her distress and takes her hands in his, squeezing it. Surprisingly, it gives her the courage to dare and even more surprisingly, actual words get past her lips:
“My name is Cangse Sanren,” she starts, and it’s an awful way to start but that’s all that comes to her mind right now. “You m-might have heard of me before, I’m a cultivator. Until three years ago, I was a rogue cultivator, famous for being the student of Baoshan Sanren, the immortal.”
It’s important, she thinks that the man knows she is not doing this for fame, or money, or anything that she doesn’t need anything from him except maybe...answers? Yes. Her heart wants love and acceptance but she will settle for answers if that’s all there is to it. The Mo patriarch looks at her confused by her discourse, but he doesn’t forget his manner and slightly bow his head:
“It’s an honor to have a famous cultivator under my roof, then. I heard of you a few years ago. Is there a supernatural phenomenon happening in the region that I'm not aware of?”
He hesitates and his hands clutches at the cup of tea., his voice sounds weird, almost hopeful when he asks:
“I...is a ghost asking for uncle-cannot?”
Cangse Sanren snorts, because sort of? She feels like a ghost right now, that’s for sure, but she doesn’t want to make this man sad over semantics, so she clears that up:
“No. The thing is, before being adopted by the Immortal Baoshan Sanren, I...Was an orphan. I…”
It had been so easy to tell Sisi the story and now she doesn’t know how to say it. She can’t screw up the introduction. Damn she wishes her brain had worked on an introduction speech the last few days instead of constantly worrying over the fact that she could be wrong, or that uncle-cannot might be dead or hates her. If she continues to stammer like this, the chances of him being annoyed with her definitely increase!
“I...have very few memories of my past, but here is what I know for sure. There was a landslide, and it swept away the whole town I lived in a blink. People got me out of the mud and called me the miracle child for surviving such a disaster...And then...they kind of went on with their lives and I…”
“A landslide?” The Mo patriarch repeats, his hands trembling. “H-How old were you?”
“That’s the trick, I don’t really remember, Cangse isn’t even my name, it’s the one the immortal gave me. Back then I was too young, I only called myself A-Se.”
She stops to look up at the man’s expression but he is not showing anything, but confusion.
“The thing is, with my family gone, my young self thought she could walk to the only relatives she remembered, which...is a man I used to call uncle-cannot, for a reason I couldn't remember even until very recently. I had the memory of a manor, and so I walked and walked, looking for it and probably took a wrong turn somewhere because I ended up way too deep in the Wen territory and—”
She is losing herself to the story, she needs to refocus. She is about to blurt out: “I’m sorry, I don’t want to give you false hope but are you perhaps, my uncle cannot?” when the man interrupts her by standing up and getting closer.
Silent, he sits in front of Cangse Sanren—or rather, lets himself fall near her—and takes her face between his hands, forcing her to stare back at him. He is frowning, but not in a bad way, like something bothers him, more like someone trying to make out a clear form out a blurred image.
For the longest time, the Mo patriarch doesn’t say anything, but then suddenly his thumb caresses Cangse Sanren’s cheek bone, and it takes everything in Cangse Sanren to not lean into it. Instead she says, launching everything she has, all her argument and points that might convince him—make him understand she is not lying:
“Recently in a...Cultivator’s adventure, I saw a door carved like your. And I remembered a scene with my parents. It's super rare, I have like, only three of those! Anyways I...I saw the door and I remembered pointing it out and asking what the beast was, and someone answering me...it’s a panda! And one of the adults said just that, that you shouldn't say that because a young kid would believe it. Which is...exactly what happened, I believed pandas were beasts like that until I was an adult! But anyways I was a small kid and I didn’t get it and I remembered repeating “uncle-cannot!” and since it made everyone laugh I kept repeating it again and again—”
Her voice breaks a little at the end, and she feels Changze’s hands holding her tight, grounding her down as she looks at the Mo patriarch. She is surprised to find tears in his eyes too.
“How can you look so young? You’re so much like I remember her..”He admits with a weak smile, his lips trembling.
”Look like who?” She asks, not pointing out that talented cultivators can look barely in their 20 when they are over 50. And she is very talented.
“My sister. Mo Zhaojun. She married Wang Houyi, when I was young, a man of a rich clan in the Wen territory. Together they had a beautiful baby named Wang Zangse....My sister wanted to name her Chang’E as she loved the legend...but I convinced her that it would be preposterous to do so….And yet years later I almost named my daughter Chang’E too, but I didn’t want it to hurt each time I called her name.”
Cangse Sanren tries to take a deep breath in, but it ends up half in sob half in a laugh, and her nose is runny.
“I almost got named Chang’E?” That would have been so cool! We would have had matching names Changse!..And I didn't walk that far off!” She jokes.
Mo Zhaojun.
Her mother’s name.
Wang Houyi,
her father’s name! She finally has their names, they are not just blurry figures in the back of her mind. Somehow it fits them so well, just like mommy and daddy ever did. Her name however, is strange to her ears; it’s so close to the one she bears right now and yet so foreign! Just as if he read her thoughts, Wei Changze whispers doubtful:
“Wang Zangse...”
It must leave a strange taste in his mouth and Cangse Sanren can’t help but want to kiss it away until both of their lips are numb and unable to utter it. But Uncle Cannot nods, almost smiling.
“My sister loved this damn carved door and the poetry quote...She used to laugh at our founder’s confusion and say it was proof that ancestors could be wrong, it made our parents furious everytime. Do you know why we have this door?”
Cangse Sanren shakes her head, but her smile shows she is eager to learn. Wei Changze must confess he is also very curious.
“Our clan was founded a hundred years ago, our founder was not a literate man, he made his fortune by working a lot until he gained enough favors to build his own clan. When he ordered the door he wanted a carving of a panda because he thought it represented perseverance, and picked a poem he liked as a motto. Luck was that an immortal had been staying in the region and he dared ask the immortal if she could do something on his door so it could protect his family for generations. The immortal not only did that but also said she would carve it for them. Except she got confused because the poem our founder picked didn’t talk about a Panda at all, but what she called Mo chimera. She thought our founder wanted to make a pun with our name and carved this beast on it. Our founder couldn’t refuse a work from an immortal but he had already told everyone our emblem would be a panda. So he said to everyone that it was a panda, that the immortal knew best what was a panda and what was not after all!”
Cangse Sanren snorts, it’s a terrible story. The Mo patriarch continues:
“And your mother’s husband loved the nickname you came up with because it was linked to this story, he always encouraged you to call me that, he found the pun word with the Mo character hilarious and ironic…”
He shakes his head.
“Both were so unruly...so full of life...I couldn’t believe it...When the words of the landslide finally reached our manor, it had been months after the disaster...And there was nothing left of them…I truly couldn’t believe they were gone just like that without me feeling it...or noticing...”
“I…” She looks at her uncle-cannot, truly, it’s him, this time there’s no doubt. She has family now.
She already had one, of course, Baoshan Sanren was her mother, the people in the mountain were her martial siblings, and everyone at Lotus Pier are her family...That won’t ever change, but suddenly there is more, there is a past, there is a hole in her chest that she covered over the years until she could not fall in it. Suddenly it’s uncovered, yet it doesn’t hurt like it used too. It’s so strange. She loves it, she loves this sensation; and can’t help but want and want, now that she can, fill it with more and more.
“What’s your name? I can’t keep calling you uncle-cannot forever, can I?” She mumbles.
The Mo patriarch laughs, and sniffs.
“It’s Mo Yu, courtesy name, Shisheng.”
“Mo Shisheng…” She repeats.
He nods, approving, and once again his hands caresses Cangse Sanren’s cheekbones, it finally occurs to Wei Changze why the girl—his niece—looked familiar to him. She looks a bit like Cangse Sanren. In a strange way, the way A-Ying looks a bit like his mother to him. Maybe it’s that, the girl looks a bit like A-Ying, who looks like Cangse Sanren. And so his niece must take after Mo Shisheng’s sister in the man’s head.
This is getting a little bit confusing, and he is trying to order his thoughts around, when Cangse Sanren leans against him, curling her arms around his.
“It’s my uncle-cannot, Changze! Uncle-cannot. Mo Shisheng, ” she says to him, as if he hadn’t been here witnessing the whole reunion too.
She looks so delighted, so relieved he cannot help but smile back and whispers:
“Really? Oh wow.”
Which makes her laugh silly. She turns to her uncle and states:
“This is Wei Changze, I mean you know that, he told you, but what he didn’t say is that he is my future husband too. He is amazing. We’ve got a son together, his name is A-Ying, I can’t wait for you to meet him—
That brings Mo Shengshi’s attention back to him. His eyes narrow at the closeness between the two of them and he asks:
“You...and my niece? ”
To that, Wei Changze has only one answer, in a tone equally accusatory:
“You and my sister ?”
It is fate, or maybe irony, that Wei Wanyue choses this very moment to enter the room and reunite with them.
Notes:
There’s lot of names in this chapter x-x I hope i didn’t give a weird name to anyone (if so, sorry for this character, i didn’t know). Also i do know that Cang/Zang are pronounced the same way and so that the name difference doesn’t work. BUT we’re on a fanfic medium, and I thought it was funnier for readers to have a private joke with Cangse Sanren’s name divergence within the fandom than a completely new name. Especially in a chapter where so many characters / names are introduced. It’s a conscious decision. You’re free to disagree with me, and if you do, let’s have a game : how would you have named Cangse Sanren then? The only thing that matters is that her endearing nickname must be “A-se” !! I’m all ears for your propositions =D
Also now you can officially have access to the family tree without being spoiled by the revelations :
Family tree :
https://www.familyecho.com/?p=DC7QW&c=p6e5hhydcz&f=716547653570329259
Normally you cannot modify it, if you do please tell me i need to find a way to correct that.
Also when you click to a picture, you can go to the biographical tab, you’ll see how the person died and sometimes a link to the artist who i think draw them the closest to how i imagine the characters.
You can also have access to the chronology :
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1tGSq9ARw4cpuxFYcKzsdT_yTzSK47x4YTYF4PZjcbeA/edit?usp=sharing
Don't hesitate to tell me if you see a math error (especially regarding the characters' birth...I'm so bad at math that i once put NMJ's birthday 12 years before WWX's birth because you know...he is 12 years old when introduced....*facepalm*)
And i see you all on friday for next chapter :)
Chapter 98: As good as new
Notes:
Hello everyone i hope you're all doing well =) Thank you so much for all your comment last chapter, i'm so happy you liked this revelation. I changed the link of the family tree so it should work now. I also advise you to go to the settings features and tell the site to show "middle name" + "profession" and "activities" i work with those one, to make it clearer for me.
By the way...HAPPY NEW YEAR =D I wish you all nothing but good things in 2021, to be happy and remain healthy ^^I also hope you'll like this story until the end, we're reaching the end of part one x) I must tell you a secret, today i started the first day of the year by writing a wangxian kiss...So it's definitely a good way to start UvU
Again i will skip the summary, i promise i will return writing it, i'm just being lazy while being on vacations...=x
I hope you'll like this chapter !!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 93 - As good as new
Wei Wanyue is busy when the door keeper tells her someone asks for her specifically. But she is headmaid of the Mo manor: there’s always something to do. Managing a team of twenty gossiping servants means that there’s always one who is troubled and needs help for something. She doesn’t think much about her name being called, it must be a seller or something, they often go through her first before attempting to sell anything to the Mo Patriarch. If they are asking for her, that means they are not important guests. She asks the doorkeeper to make them wait in the hall chamber for a few hours, most of the sellers would go away after two hours of waiting, only the really determined ones remains, it allows her to sort the merchants out and keep working.
So she uses her usual strategy and returns to her duty. It’s only later, when she sees that her stepchild, the First Lady Mo Shiyu, runs to her bedroom crying, that she starts to worry. The poor little girl had grown up without a mother, as her own died attempting to give a male heir to Mo Shisheng. It has been a difficult year for her, her father getting older and older, it’s almost certain now that he won’t father a son anymore. If he does it will be a bastard and with Wei Wanyue. Which means Mo Shiyu needs to marry soon enough and find a suitable man to marry into the Mo clan. It’s a lot of pressure for a young girl and Wei Wanyue pities her for it.
So, she takes a couple of cakes and tries to make her way to the first lady Mo’s room, determined to talk through this crisis and make the young girl feel better. Unfortunately she doesn’t have the time for that, because her own daughter, Mo Wanrong , calls for her:
“Mother!”
Wei Wanyue turns around and reminds her daughter to not run like that, the hallway has just been cleaned, it’s still slippery. Wanrong immediately slows down, but her tone remains urgent as she blurts out:
“The people who asked for you earlier, Father went to see them, because they talked about the Uncle Cannot story—”
“Uncle-Cannot?”
The doorkeeper hadn’t told her about this, this changes a lot. Mo Shisheng had never recovered from the loss of his sister and her family, years ago. He still mourns them, he even kept one of the portraits her sister made during the courting period to send her betrothed and the one portrait the betrothed surprisingly sent back. The Mo patriarch often laments that he doesn’t have a portrait of their little girl, who once called him “Uncle-Cannot”. Using this nickname is the one way to get Mo Shisheng to listen to you. Whoever this merchant is, they are more determined than she thought at first and they know a secret they shouldn’t. She can’t help but worry.
But apparently this is not where her daughter’s concern lays, she continues:
“Yes, but also, there’s this man and he says his name is Wei Changze, and that they are looking for Wei Wanyue, mother…”
Wanyue’s heart stops in her chest: Changze? It is a name she never thought she would hear again. When Wanrong was born, Mo Shisheng offered to name the little girl Chang’E, both in honor to his deceased sister and niece, but also because he knew one of Wei Wanyue’s brother was named Changze. In the end she refused, as it hurt too much, and he agreed to this. Wanrong is a safer name, for the both of them.
Still… Wei Changze is here? Her brother? She almost can’t believe it. She doesn’t know what to think except “Why now?” Surely, after all these years, they all… moved on, right? Blood bonds aren’t strong enough to skip past years of separation, by now they are basically strangers. Why would anyone want to kick this can of worms and bring back chaos when they are all at peace?
She isn’t sure what to do now… Surely, if she went, it would bring a scandal to the Mo clan, she would rather—
“Father told me to get you,” explains Mo Wanrong, though.
If it’s an order from the Mo patriarch, Wei Wanyue can’t disobey it. She knows Mo Shisheng would never force her to do something she did not want, but she tries to avoid using that special privilege when it is unnecessary. There’s no reason to rub her special treatment in everyone's faces.
“Mother… Is this man family? From your side?” Inquires Wanrong.
Wei Wanyue never told Wanrong about her family. It had seemed unnecessary, as there were little chances it would bring her anything. Her grandparents sold off their own children, they made it very clear they didn’t want to have anything to do with Wanyue anymore, what would they do with grandchildren?... Things are clear. She is grateful for her parents selling her—as it allowed her to have a better life, the one she lives now—but they have nothing to say anymore. They are strangers. She pats her daughter’s head and doesn’t answer, instead she gives her the cakes and tea and orders:
“I’ll go, while I’m gone, bring that to your sister, and try to cheer her up.”
“Mother!” Complains Mo Wanrong.
Wei Wanyue arches an eyebrow at her, and the girl pouts, looking down:
“She hates me, giving her cakes won’t change a thing. Besides, why should I be the only one making efforts to get along? She doesn’t make any. ”
Wei Wanyue sighs and pats her daughter’s head again, like a caress this time.
“You don’t have a choice, A-Rong, you have to get along with your sister…”
For the longest time, Wei Wanyue had been worried that Mo Shisheng’s affections to Wanrong had been only because the child vaguely looked like his deceased sister. just like once upon a time she had been aware she was treated better by the Mo family because she was of the same age as their deceased granddaughter. Now she knows better. She knows that Mo Shisheng loves his second daughter more than he likes the first one and that Mo Shiyu is made aware of that everyday, which leads her to hate this bastard child. How could she not: Mo Wanrong still has a mother, threatens her position and steals her father’s love. Wei Wanyue would be lying, if she said she didn’t get the First Lady Mo’s anger, but she would lie too, if she stated she wasn’t angry at the First Lady Mo for her behavior toward Mo Wanrong. However, she is an adult, and she knows how cruel the world can be. Mo Shiyu is the First Lady Mo. She will marry, bring a husband into the family and together they will rule the manor at her father’s death (which is getting closer and closer everyday). If she hates her step-sister, she will make Mo Wanrong’s life a living hell. The fact that the girl has been recognized as family forbids Mo Shiyu to kick her out, but there’s other ways to get rid of unwanted people. Wei Wanyue knows this first hand. The first Mo Lady could force Wanrong to marry out of the family, under the excuse of a needed alliance, to someone despicable . If Wanrong and Shiyu cannot get along, then Wei Wanyue will have to find her daughter a good suitor and marry her to someone safe, to someone who will treat her right and allow her to have no less than what she has now. And she will have to do that before Mo Shisheng passes away. Wei Wanyue looks at her baby—her daughter—who is so young still.
It’s either that or try to give the Mo a male heir. Unfortunately Wei Wanyue is old, any attempt to fall pregnant again would be life threatening.
She would rather have the two girls get along.
“Please, do try, for me, okay?” She asks her daughter, though, it’s truly for her own sake. She gives the all-powerful point that she is sure will convince Wanrong: “It breaks your father’s heart and mine to see you fight like this…”
Wanrong bites her lips, but she promises. Wei Wanyue kisses her forehead and leaves her at her new attempt. Then she moves to the main hall, to meet her long lost brother.
Wei Changze is not what she expects him to be. To be frank the last image she had of him is rather old, one of a skinny seven year old boy who tried to blend in with the crowd. She has a few good memories of him, like the portraits he did or how he gently patted her wet cheeks the day mother forgot them at the festival and she ended up lost with him in her arms. It’s a logical thing that Wei Changze is not this toddler anymore, he grew up. How old must he be now? in his mid-thirties, right? Gosh, so much time has passed…
Despite herself she can’t help but wonder: what happened to him? Is he happy? Did he grow up with their parents? Surely, with MingYao, MingYan and her gone, the family had enough money to avoid starving, right? YingYing and Changze must have been safe and happy. She never bothered going back to check, content with the knowledge that they were fine, and thinking that if they wanted her back, they would take the first step.
Well… here he is making this first step.
It seems something else is going on though, Mo Shisheng is sitting very close to a beautiful woman. His eyes are red but he is smiling. Wei Wanyue is not the type to be jealous or worry over her position—she knows Mo Shishen loves her—but she can’t help but question what is going on.
The man, she supposes is Wei Changze, immediately raises up to his feet to meet her, but he doesn’t take her into his arms. Instead he stops awkwardly two step away and he awkwardly says:
“Wei Wanyue?”
She supposes his puzzled tone is to be expected. She has changed over the years, she is older and so is he. They look a lot alike though. Wanyue had always been a charming—but not beautiful—girl. Her jaw is not round enough, her frame is too muscular and she has moles under her eye and another near her lips. The same Wei Changze has. The Mo families second official wife paid a seer so they could say those were the marks of deceiving character. She wanted Wanyue to be kicked out because of this. It never worked. Despite their somewhat similar face, Wanyue is sure if they had ever passed through one another in the middle of the street, they would have not recognized they're siblings. Blood bonds mean nothing. That’s why she takes a very good care of her relationship and makes sure to never bother or annoy anyone. Everyone likes her, it’s her way to be safe and not be kicked out again. If Wei Changze wants Wei Wanyue to be back in his life, she sees no reason to act differently.
“Wei Changze.” She bows to him. “It’s a pleasure to see you again. You’ve grown up well.”
He looks unsure of what to respond to this and remains silent for a few seconds, before he finally says:
“Sisi will be happy to see you.”
“Sisi?” She bends her head, trying to convey her confusion.
It works, Wei Changze coughs and clarifies: “Wei YingYing, our sister. She lives at Lotus Pier with me.”
“Lotus Pier? Not home?”
She thought he was still living in their village, in the Jin territory. Did he marry away? She asks him just that and the woman behind him laughs and says:
“Not yet but soon! You’re invited to the wedding by the way!”
Wei Changze rolls his eyes but Wei Wanyue is almost sure his lips are curving up slightly. It seems… that they have a lot to catch up. So she sits next to her future sister in law (apparently), next to her lover, and starts pouring some tea. Surely, if they are aiming to catch up all the lost time, their throats will be dry before the end of the day. They will need a cup of tea or two.
And they do talk, a lot. And there is a lot more than she expected, as she discovers that she is not the only one who had found a long lost family member. Cangse Sanren is… Well, she looks a lot like the portrait of Mo Zhaojun, she will admit, but still… She can’t help but doubt her identity. maybe it’s because how unreal it feels to finally sees her, after all Wei Wanyue had been compared to the girl’s ghost since her first day at the Mo’s household. The very reason why the old Madame, Shisheng’s mother, had purchased Wei Wanyue was because of Wang Zangse. While the aging woman never said Wei Wanyue looked like her granddaughter, only stating that they were of the same age, Wei Wanyue always assumed they would be of similar features. Wei Wanyue had been wrong: Cangse Sanren is gorgeous.
“Are you sure?” She will ask her lover, a few hours later, as she will help him get ready for the night.
“She told me the story that I’ve only ever told you and the girls.” He will reply, certain.
The fact that they are not asking for anything—not even to help pay for the apparently future marriage—does help. Though Cangse Sanren does mention something about bringing a donkey back home… the thing is they are not trying to scam the Mo family, why would they? They are famous cultivators, way above commoners like them. Even if they are a rich clan of commoners.
Her baby brother is a cultivator, Wei Wanyue can’t quite believe it. She is still completely baffled by the story he told her. And a little bit heart-broken too. She had thought—hoped—that at least her being sold off would mean that her baby sister and brother would be safe! Instead, her YingYing had been sold off to a brothel! A brothel! Suddenly she feels very grateful that she is not as beautiful as her sisters. Would she have shared the same fate as her if she had been?
She ignores this kind of question and focuses on what truly matters: Wei Changze and Wei YingYing are fine now. Their parents are dead. (And also apparently she has a new little brother). She tries to find the strength in herself to care, but it has been a long time and she does not.
“Mingyan and Mingyao?” She asks, though.
Wei Changze shakes his head, “Unfortunately we haven’t been able to find them yet.”
She pauses, and says a secret she never told anyone before:
“When you find one, you’ll find the other, most certainly. They were so close. We used to call them MingMing.”
She stops, a memory resurging, and adds:
“Before father brought me here, I overheard Mingyan planning something with him. She heard old couples who didn’t have an heir tended to adopt youngsters to make sure there would be someone to mourn them and do the funeral rites. It wouldn’t work for girls, so she wanted MingYao and you to be adopted by such families to keep you safe, and was looking everywhere around for that. Maybe—”
Wei Changze’s eyes get a little bit sadder: obviously this is not what happened. Something went wrong with her plan, but it’s a start. He promises to look in this direction too.
One afternoon talking is not enough to cover up everything that has happened, and it is the same for Cangse Sanren and her uncle. So they are invited to stay over dinner and rest for the night. In exchange Cangse Sanren states:
“You’re invited to our wedding!!”
And then tries to look for the invitation paper before realizing she didn’t bring any because:
“I thought you weren’t real!”
Fortunately Wei Changze gets out one invitation from his robe.
“I took one just in case we were successful.” He explains to his wife, and this earns him a big kiss and lot of compliments (that he definitely feels smug about).
The man looks at Wei Wanyue however and lowers his eyes as he admits:
“Sorry, I do not have an invitation for you, I thought you were not real too…”
Which makes Cangse Sanren burst out laughing. Surely, Wei Wanyue’s brother found his match in this. Mo Shisheng looks—well not happy—but appeased. His niece is in good hands. He still stares at the man with the eyes of a father who is about to send his daughter to marry throughout the dinner (But it’s okay, Wei Changze seems to not care much, maybe he is even glaring back, but Wei Wanyue isn’t sure). In the meantime Wanrong managed to get her sister out of her room, which means the girl is sulking at the table. Or more accurately, is attempting to sulk.
“Look at my little nieces, look how cute they are!”
Cangse Sanren coos at the both of them.
“Doesn’t the tiny angry one reminds you of Yu Ziyuan? What a sweetheart! You’re going to love your cousin and your cousin is going to love you: he loves angry people! He likes to tease them until they chase after him, like little A-Cheng!”
“Why would I like such a cousin?” Barks back the First Lady Mo, who is definitely not buying the story about her new long-lost aunt.
“Once I asked him what his favorite game is, and he told me “pissing off A-Cheng!”" Cangse Sanren ignores her comment.
“Father I do not want to meet that cousin!”
Her father laughs and says full of wisdom: “One does not have a say with whom they are related to.”
Wanrong is much more interested in her own uncle, trying to get closer and start a conversation. Unfortunately she hasn't truly managed to utter a word yet. Wei Changze does notice her efforts though, and he adds a bit of vegetable to her plate, mistaking her glance of envy for hunger. Wei Wanyue has to hide her snort when her daughter mumbles to her vegetables with a heartbroken look, too shy to say she doesn’t like radish to her new uncle. Then her father starts telling stories about his sister, Mo Zhaojun and her husband Wang Houyi, to a delighted Cangse Sanren and the girl forgets everything to listen to it. She doesn’t even notice that no one is speaking about the Wei side of the family, too focused on the little anecdotes her father never shared before.
“And then your mother looked at our parents right in the eyes and said there weren't any birds inside the house, despite the fact that she had feathers all over her hair and that the heron was still flying in the background.”
Cangse Sanren laughs until her belly hurts, definitely her mother had been a wild one!
“Our little nephew did that too! A-Cheng was teaching his dogs how to hunt but A-Li was too sad at the idea of her brother’s pets killing innocent animals for fun, so A-Cheng taught them how to hunt and bring their prey back home without actually killing them… And once the dogs brought up a duck inside the house. The moment the dog dropped the duck, the bird started moving around and tried to flee, very panicked!! The whole room turned into a battlefield with feathers and screams everywhere!” She says.
“My son is scared of dogs, so he was running around just as much as the duck, making it panic even more! And we have a cat and the cat definitely does not mind killing a bird, so it tried to chase it and eat it too!”
Wei Changze nods, remembering the chaos and in the middle of it a very proud dog sitting there, probably thinking the whole mess was a celebration for his good deed. It ended with Yu Ziyuan using Zidian to calm everyone down and Jiang Fengmian catching said duck and freeing it behind everyone’s back.
Apparently Cangse Sanren’s father was just as his wife and daughter, too, the Mo patriarch explains:
“Our parents thought marriage would calm her down, but she managed to find the guy who was even crazier than her!”
He asks Wanyue to bring back the portraits that he kept and when she does show it to the three girls like they are the same age, they certainly act the same. Cangse Sanren doesn’t dare touch the portrait of her parents at first, until Mo Shisheng puts it directly into her hands.
“You see, while courting, your mother sent this portrait to her suitors. Like it is the custom. But your father sent her back a portrait too. Your mother was already quite infatuated with the act itself, but she decided she would test him again. She asked me to paint her. I was barely a boy, I didn’t even have my courtesy name yet, so I can tell you my skills weren’t good enough. But on the top of it, she insisted I painted her while she pulled a stupid face. She sent it behind our parents’ back...And guess what came back?”
“A portrait of my father pulling a face too?”
“Exactly! And one done very nicely, not a child’s doodles, no, a professional portrait. Of him. Pulling the weirdest face ever.”
Uncle and niece snort together, and they have the same laugh. It’s strange, they were separated for so long, one would think they could not act similar, yet...
“My Changze is quite romantic too!” Cangse Sanren brags.
Wei Changze sticks out his tongue at her to prove her point and both Mo Shiyu and Mo Wanrong blink at him, not sure they have seen right, as he returns to his serious face right away. Can this be called romantic? Mo Shisheng definitely saw and he pats his niece’s back, telling her she has the same tastes as her mother.
Wei Wanyue is happy to see Mo Shisheng like this, it’s like he has ten years of his life back. Once, a long time ago, he confessed to her that’ almost guilty, that while you can recover and grieve some people, this is not always the case, and he feared that his sister and her family’s death had broken something in him that could never be fixed. The declaration had shattered her heart back then. And now she looks at the man she loves being so happy… Maybe it’s only temporary, maybe it will only put a little bandaid on a wound that will forever bleed, but for now, and for the first time in years, it doesn’t hurt Shisheng. She is grateful to her brother for this, at the very least. The dinner definitely lasts longer than it should, and both Mo ladies end up falling asleep at opposite corners of the room. Wei Wanyue asks some servants to help clean up the place and bring the kids to their bedrooms, while she makes sure their guests are comfortably seen through.
Cangse Sanren also fell asleep, Mo Shisheng opened a few bottles at the end of the diner to celebrate and both uncle and niece drank themselves silly while their partners watched and judged their sluggish blabbering, amused. Wei Wanyue does drink, but never enough to lose control. Wei Changze however, apparently does not touch alcohol at all. She wonders if it’s because of their mother.
“Come on Cangse, it’s time to go to bed…” He says to his future-wife, trying to get her in his arm.
She mumbles something and wraps herself around his neck. Wei Wanyue can’t help but notice the way Wei Changze shifts his weight to accommodate his weak arm, and how Cangse cannot stand by herself, but not in the usual drunkard way. Now that she is looking at her legs, they do look a little bit too skinny. They told them during dinner that there was an accident that made them stay at Lotus Pier but didn’t elaborate further. There was just too much to catch on. She hopes it’s not serious.
“Will she need specific accommodation for the night?” Wei Wanyue asks, as it is her job to do so.
Wei Changze shakes his head: “We can manage, don’t worry, it’s kind to offer but I think… She would not want to appear less than perfect in front of her uncle.”
Said uncle raises up to his feet, hiccuping, but still very much able to hold a conversation.
“Her being alive is a miracle itself, she doesn’t have to be anything but that,” he says, his voice tight with emotion.
Wei Changze smiles and nods, agreeing too, but not for the same reason. Mo Shisheng wipes the corner of his eyes.
“How many times have I considered replacing those carved doors? They made my sister laugh, but they very much dragged the Mo clan into the mud. Our founder made this mistake, too eager to appear scholarly… And it made me sad every time I saw it.”
“Well, it allowed us to find you.” Explains Wei Changze, and he looks at Wei Wanyue as he adds: “And reunite.”
Wei Wanyue smiles back, and discretely holds the hand of the Mo Patriarch. He squeezes it back. She is not sure how she feels about the reunion in itself, but so far it has brought nothing but joy. And for that, she decides to give it a chance.
“I’m glad you didn’t replace it” she says to Mo Shisheng.
***
Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren stay three days at the Mo manor, trying to catch up as much as they can. They shower their little nieces with presents during the day and listen to their family’s stories every night. Alas, as much as it is good to meet their long lost family, they must return to their own at some point. The Mo clan promises to be present at their wedding day.
It had been quite a subject during their stay, this marriage. Mo Shisheng had been offended by the way her niece handled the traditions of the marriage, baffled that Wei Changze did not send a courting gift, or even write a letter to him to ask permission like it was customary. The bickering lasted until Wei Changze declared, deadpan serious that he was the bride of the ceremony since he wasn’t paying for the wedding and it was his honor that had to be cleared. The joke made Mo Shisheng laugh despite himself. He even sent a letter to Wei Wanyue, asking permission for Cangse Sanren to marry her little brother, taking the joke quite literally.
“I look forward to seeing you in red with a veil,” she declared to Wei Changze.
Mo Wanyue doesn’t know much about her brother, and sometimes he is hard to read, but Cangse Sanren is very expressive, and after this declaration she wore the face that said “challenge accepted!”. She expects the wedding to be very weird now.
“What about a couple of donkeys, as wedding gifts? The one we brought and was apparently yours, but also another, for this nephew of mine I must meet?” Offers Mo Shisheng, which earns him the title of Cangse Sanren’s favorite uncle and Wei Changze least favorite’s in-law.
As they are about to go, Mo Wanrong looks at her uncle and auntie, yearning, and it decides Wei Wanyue to try. She sneaks near her brother as Cangse Sanren and her uncle says goodbye, and inquires:
“Would you teach Wanrong to be a cultivator too?”
Wei Changze blinks, taken by surprise, and look back at his niece again.
“She is a bit too old to start cultivation training,” he admits. “She can, but she will have to work harder than anyone to obtain only moderate results…”
“But would she be able to?”
“It is not certain. You never know who will be able to form a core or not. If she does not she will only be able to manipulate spiritual energy a bit for tricks. It’s enough to protect one self, but not enough to make it for a living. She certainly can try? Why? You are aware that if she attempts it, she will have to leave the manor and train at Lotus Pier for months...”
Wei Wanyue hadn’t been aware of that, but despite her heart squeezing, she knows it’s for the best.
“I want to make sure she can… be okay on her own. In the future.”
Wei Changze seems to grasp immediately what she means by that, after all, he had been a servant too. He knows how unstable their condition can be, as long as their master favors them, they are okay, but a master can be replaced. Mo Wanrong’s place is only a little bit safer, as the legitimized daughter of the Mo patriarch. She is still the bastard kid of a servant. Mo Shiyu doesn’t like her, even though these past few days they had been too busy to argue again.
“Even if she does not have the gift of cultivation, she will always be welcome at Lotus Pier.” Wei Changze promises. “If you don’t want to part with your kid you don’t have to, but you have my word she will always have a place in my home.”
He can promise it, because he knows how Jiang Fengmian feels about it. The vow appeases Wei Wanyue, and she offers her brother a rare smile. Then she bows and says:
“Thank you. Then that’s all I’m asking for: that she has a place to go if this one is no good anymore.”
“You have it.”
“I will ask her if she wants to become a cultivator first then, if not she will remain with us. Thanks Changze, I’m glad we got to meet again.”
Wei Changze still doesn’t remember her face from back then, but he is happy too. He likes Sisi a lot, but Wei Wanyue went through the same path as he did, it is easier to talk about and bond over it. Her desire to not talk about the past also makes it easier for them, they can be friends as the people they are now, and not over the years they lost.
He bows back to her, and warns her:
“I cannot promise you that you won’t receive the visit of Sisi on the upcoming days.”
She laughs.
“I will brace myself then.”
“Tell your master to brace himself, I believe he will be the one at the end of her fury.”
When the Wei couple leaves the place, flying on their swords, their hearts are lighter than feathers. The trip back is obviously better. Cangse Sanren is all giddy, holding out the copies of the portraits of her parents her uncle gifted her with. Wei Changze too, feels more at peace than ever before, especially regarding a family. It’s only when they land at the inn, midway to Lotus Pier, that he realizes one thing.
“I didn’t have a crisis.”
Cangse Sanren turns to him, grinning. She wraps her arms around her future-husband’s neck and rubs her nose against his, almost purring:
“Oh my future-husband—or should I say future-wife? You did say you were my bride.”
“I am whatever you want me to be.”
“I want you to be all healthy, both physically and mentally… So healthy that your Qi doesn’t even flutter despite the fact that we did have to go through not one, but two family reunions!”
“Then you have it.”
She kisses him.
“Best courting gift ever, after our little sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”
He kisses her back and her lips curve up in against his again. He doesn’t think it could be possible.
“You’re all healed now, as good as new,” she whispers. “Ready to get married to me.”
“As good as new,” he repeats. “Want to repeat our wedding night so we don’t get it wrong?”
She looks at him, a teasing light inside her eyes that whispers “would you dare?”. He dares. He kisses her again.
Notes:
So here is my explanation for canon JGShit. Mo Wanrong has only ever seen her parents love each other despite the big age difference, so she sees no problem with loving an older man in her case. The man is a cultivator and promises her riches, and there’s the pressure to secure a good position before her sister gets in power. It is said in canon that the family Mo was even encouraging the relationship if I remember correctly... I will try to handle this matter with care when it will happen (in the second part of the story) So yeah that’s how the disaster happens in canon!timeline. At the very least this disaster got us Mo Xuanyu. Unfortunately in this new timeline there will be a new way for us to have Mo Xuanyu and for this disaster to unfold again...
For those who worry about Mo Wanyue being forced into this relationship...That's not the case. She wasn't been underage when she got Wanrong either. I will probably write a missing scene about her story...Mo Wanyue got to the Mo manor as servant when she was 12 (if i recall correctly her age èè) and was 22 when she started a relationship with Mo Shisheng, and she got Mo Wanrong when she was 23.I hope this sooth your worry if you had any =)
Chapter 99: To return to Lotus Pier or not...
Notes:
Hello everyone, I hope you're all doing well !
I'm sorry I'm one day late for this update, we got a bit confused about the chapters the was supposed to be posted x) But now it's here and it's edited by the talented nashapixie and Fraudulent_Moose, as usual. I hope you'll like it. it's a bit of a transition chapter !!Previous chapter summary -> Need to do this when I come back from work.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There are many ways Cangse Sanren could have announced how successful their trip to the Mo’s Manor had been, but among all those possibilities, she chose to present it like this:
“Guess who is older than you all!!”
Jiang Fengmian smiles, guessing what it must means:
“We knew that already. Your joke is as old as you.”
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes both at her sworn sister’s stupidity and her husband’s awful pun. She seems to judge which offense is the worse, then spits at Cangse Sanren:
“Maybe you should start acting like it!”
“Never!”
“Then don’t brag about it!”
Cangse Sanren laughs, all her previous tension gone while her sworn sister pinches her cheek like she is some unruly child. Wei Changze decides to be less cryptid with Sisi and Meng Shi, as they welcome him:
“Wei Wanyue sends you her regards and she says you’re welcome to visit anytime you want.”
Sisi opens her mouth, then closes it, and before Wei Changze can say anything else she just throws herself into his arms and squeals. Meng Shi is the only one that can detach her from her brother’s embrace, and after that, she spends every second of her time asking about everything that has happened. How is she? Is she okay? Is she happy? I have a niece!? What do you mean she had an affair with a man twenty years older than her and you didn’t kill this man right then and there?! Do I have to do everything myself?!
Then of course comes the moment when everyone else gets a bit of the story and starts to put the pieces together. Meng Shi is the first one to point out, asking unsure:
“Does that mean that your uncle” she points Cangse Sanren. “Somehow married your sister?”
She points to Wei Changze and Sisi.
“Yes, apparently we like to keep things in the family,” states Cangse Sanren, amused. “Damn I’m definitely a genius, my spiritual tool got the incest right, even though it’s only through marriage.”
“We should not speak about this,” adds Wei Changze, wincing.
Jiang Fengmian sends his best friend a sympathetic look, because this order will definitely not be respected, given how much it amuses Cangse Sanren:
“I wonder if he should call you nephew-in-law or brother-in-law. Which takes precedence over the other, do you know Fengmian?”
She shows mercy to her future-husband though, when she hears him groan at her question.
“Okay fine, what we speak about is all the money I’m gonna get from the bet however!” Cangse Sanren laughs. “The marriage is going to pay itself!”
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes but Jiang Fengmian pumps his fist up discreetly. He won the bet too. Meng Shi hums, content to be a little bit richer. However a few disciples will cry and get their pockets emptied.
“I need to tell A-Ying he not only has one brand new great-uncle, but also two aunties and two cousins! Or one uncle, one aunt, a cousin-auntie and one cousin?”
“Isn’t one of them technically your aunt too?” Asks Meng Shi.
“She is so tiny and angry, you should see her! Gosh this is so much fun!” Suddenly states Cangse Sanren.
“A-Cheng is going to be so jealous, I do hope, my lady, that your brother is working on giving him cousins or we will never hear the end of it,” complains Jiang Fengmian.
Yu Ziyuan grumbles and promises to relay Jiang Fengmian’s words to his brother in Meishan. He will definitely appreciate the information.
They are halfway back to Lotus Pier when Cangse Sanren finally notices something: Where are the kids? Usually they are ready to tackle them back the moment they land at Lotus Pier’s deck. But here, all she sees is the usual disciples training under the guidance of Yinzhu and Jinzhu. Not even A-Yao is in sight. She turns to her friends, curious. And both Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan pull out a face that is almost comical.
“Ah yes. Do you remember your son promising he wouldn’t do any pranks while you were gone?” Meng Shi starts, diplomatic.
Oh no. They knew he was working on something as they left, they should have known.
“What did he do?” Wei Changze fears.
“Well, a prank, obviously,” Cangse Sanren guesses. “Is it a bad prank, or a good one?”
Apparently, it’s something bad enough to send him—and all his partners in crime—to kneel in the ancestral hall since this morning.
“Your son found a wood-eating spirit,” Jiang Fengmian explains. “And he decided to adopt it and raise it in secrecy.”
“With the help of A-Cheng because of course, he is the expert in pet cultivation,” adds Yu Ziyuan.
“And A-Li and A-Qing’s help too, as they needed someone to feed it and heal it,” precises Sisi.
“There were a lot of wood-soup attempts, we should have guessed.”
Wei Changze doubts it, not so long ago the children were playing house and making mud-cakes. Every now and then, Jiang Yanli and her minions get holed in the kitchen to experiment food cultivation too. A wood-soup is not that far fetched.
“And of course, such a big secret requires a lot of planning, so A-Yao helped.” Finishes Meng Shi, almost proud.
They can see the row of children sitting in front of the ancestors tablets. Not a single one is missing…
“Why is A-Ning here?” Wei Changze points out. “He wasn’t in the list.”
“They needed someone to pet and hug the wood-eating spirit because it was cute and deserved to be loved.” The four adults answer, with the same dead-pan tone. They must be quoting one of the children.
Cangse Sanren is trembling, trying to hold off her laugh.
“How long did they manage to hide this from you?” She dares asks.
Jiang Fengmian sends her a smile that is just a little bit too tense:
“Until yesterday. When we tried to go take care of water ghouls and realized that every single one of our boats were full of holes.”
Oops.
“Seems like the spirit got hungry.”
She sure hopes it won’t cost too much to repair...
“The spirit got released to the forest, safely.” Meng Shi explains.
“At least it had been a good occasion to teach them how to deal with minor and not threatening pests without killing it,” admits Jiang Fengmian.
“As if we could have killed it, they loved the pest already, even gave it a name.” Regrets Sisi. “There was already too much drama and tears when we released it in the forest.”
“Now go hug them, because currently you are the only two adults they don’t hate because you didn’t take away their new pet.” Yu Ziyuan grumbles.
“You were right, taking a child’s pet is not a good idea,” approves Jiang Fengmian.
Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren laugh, and they do. Indeed the moment they get to the kids, the first thing they do is complain and plead with them to take them back to the forest so they can get back their wood-eating spirit. (Well, No, Wen Qing and Meng Yao do not plead, but they point out that the forest is cold at night and that it is too little to take care of itself on its own and so it might die without their help, which is worse, Jiang Yanli even joins saying they were teaching the wood-spirit to only eat fallen and bad wood that no one used, but that the boat full of holes was just an incident).
“Children, wood-eating spirits have lived since the beginning of time just fine. Your pet is going to be fine. If you miss it so much you can still visit.” Offers Wei Changze. “And no, you can’t teach it to only eat bad wood, you wouldn’t give your child rotten food to eat, would you?”
“Next time, try to adopt a stone-eating spirit, ok? Or a fairy! Take this as a life lesson, you can adopt everything you want as long as it doesn’t eat things we love and need, okay?” Adds Cangse Sanren, with fake wisdom.
“NO ADOPTING SPIRITS!” Screams Yu Ziyuan in the background, and Jiang Fengmian precises “Stone-eating spirits don’t exist.”
Cangse Sanren ignores them both, “Anyway, guess who gets a new uncle, a new auntie and two cousins?”
A-Ying’s eyes immediately fills with stars as he finds back his smile:
“Me?”
A-Cheng lets out a groan, that is echoed by Wen Qing, but fortunately, the news do make everyone happy and somehow put the pet incident in the back of their mind for the rest of the day. When Cangse Sanren tells Wei Ying they found back Xiao Luzi, their little donkey and show him his grandparents’ portraits, the wood-eating-spirit is definitely forgotten.
***
Lan Zhan nuzzles the bunny he holds, burying his nose in the pet’s fur. The rabbit doesn’t move much, it is one of the few of the bunch who doesn’t mind being hugged. The creature even comes to ask for a petting session on its own sometimes. The first time A-Zhan came here, after he recovered from his cold, the bunny had been very clingy, always climbing on the boy’s laps or on his back… And it did so until A-Zhan finally let out a few silent tears. It almost felt as if the bunny knew A-Zhan was sad and had wanted to comfort him. Lan Zhan doesn’t want to say it's his favorite bunny—he likes them all—but it’s definitely the one he has been visiting the most since his mother has been gone…
Gone where, A-Zhan isn’t sure, except that he isn't allowed to follow and that she will never come back. She can just send letters. It doesn’t feel enough, just like words are not enough to say what he wants. He misses her scent, he misses her hugs, he misses her voice. He misses everything Mother is and he is not sure he will ever be alright if he can never see her again. He misses talking to her, even though the people he wants to talk to could be counted on a single hand.
He doesn’t want to believe she is dead. She has to be just gone, and if he is very good, if he acts well and does exactly as the Lan sect wants, if he follows every rule, she might come back. A-Huan also says that if they behave perfectly, then no one in the sect can say bad things about Mother and Father. If no one is saying mean things about Mother, surely, she will be happy to come back.
“A-Zhan,” Uncle calls, and A-Zhan looks back, still petting the bunny on his lap.
He knows he will have to let go of the bunny eventually and return to study in the library. He just wants to stay a little bit longer. Yet Uncle sits next to him, making sure he is not touching any of the rabbits around. He checks A-Zhan’s temperature, his fingers brushing the sacred forehead.
“You shouldn’t sit in the snow, you still have a bit of fever.” he says. “Lan Yuan has been clear A-Zhan, you cannot continue to re-catch the same cold every two weeks because you’re not careful.”
“Mn.” A-Zhan answers, because he is trying to be more vocal.
That’s how he should behave even if he doesn’t like it. Mn is a good sound, it conveys a lot. Not always what A-Zhan wants to say, but always what the other wants to hear. So it’s good, since he is being vocal to please people now.
Uncle offers his hand to A-Zhan, and A-Zhan gets that it’s time to say goodbye to the bunny. He puts the little animal down after one last pet and lets his uncle lead him away. He misses the rabbit already. But he can come back to see them whenever, unlike Mother. So it’s okay.
At some point Uncle decides that A-Zhan shouldn’t walk and even takes him in his arms. He brings him back to their quarters and puts A-Zhan to the bed, with a few scrolls to read. A-Zhan likes it. Here he can be as silent as he wants, and there’s no overwhelming sounds all the time. It’s less tiring to study at home, Uncle calls it seclusion. From what he understood, as long as he is sick, he is authorized to do it. A-Zhan hopes he will be able to do it without being sick, like father, too, one day. It’s not like he will be missed during classes, since he didn’t manage to make friends. He works better that way. It’s easier to focus. And it’s not like he is always alone, sometimes after class Lan Huan comes back with Nie Mingjue to play with him. He doesn’t need much to not feel lonely. He is fine with just being there in the same room as them, while A-Huan attempts to master painting and do a good portrait of Nie Mingjue while Nie Mingjue does level four training poses. Or try to play the flute. Though Lan zhan prefers when he does not do that. It’s less painful for his ears.
“A-Zhan,” asks Uncle, once he is seated at his desk, which he brought closer to be able to keep an eye on his sick nephew. “Tell me, do you want to go to Lotus Pier?”
Lan Qiren looks at his nephew as his expression morphs, going from a cold resignation to something akin to hope.
“Yes or no, A-Zhan, I need words.” Lan Qiren instructs.
A-Zhan gets out of his bed and takes a proper sitting position, bowing his head slightly as he says:
“Can I go, Uncle?”
So. It is a yes. Lan Qiren sighs, very proud of his nephew’s efforts to behave correctly—and its progress in this field—but also a little bit sad. Because he knows this trip isn't going to bring A-Zhan the happiness he seeks. Still he says:
“Yes. You can.”
A-Zhan has been going to see his father, once a month, since his mother passing, two months ago. Yet, everytime Lan Qiren goes to retrieve them, the boy still knocks at his mother’s home at least once and waits. It has to stop. Lan Qiren had tried to explain to him what death means but apparently the boy either doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to listen. Maybe, if he goes to Lotus Pier—where he thinks his mother might be, according to Lan Huan—he would be able to grieve. If not, he will not be able to go in front of his mother’s house and wait in the cold night, which would be still a victory. Lan Qiren thinks it might be called small mercy, but he is also very sad he has to crush his nephew’s hope. It hurts, that on top of it, Lan Qiren will not be able to help his nephew when it will happen, his duty as Sect Leader and teacher keeps him here until the guest disciples are gone.
“You’ll have to go there alone,” he warns the boy. “Lan Yuan will take you there but he will return to Cloud Recesses right away, and you’ll not have me or your brother by your side, do you understand?”
A-Zhan seems to understand, and he seems to reconsider for a moment, only to finally asks, his voice as low as a whisper:
“How long?”
Lan Qiren calculates, he wants the boy to be gone before the once-in-a-month day, and then he wants the boy to stay at Lotus Pier, hopefully until his cold is really, really gone (Surely, not taking a trip to see the bunnies or waiting for his dead-mother to open her door will help, as well as Lotus Pier’s kinder, warmer atmosphere). But it’s too vague for A-Zhan, Lan Qiren is starting to understand that his nephew needs clear instructions. He shows the calendar to the boy. He points to the date, near the lantern festival.
“See, this is when Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze are going to marry. I will be here during the ceremony, with Lan Huan. Then we will return to Cloud Recesses after it. ”
A-Zhan nods, and points today’s date, almost three months away. He frowns, trying to calculate too. Lan Qiren knows it’s a lot. The boy has never been away from Lan Qiren for so long, not even when he was a baby and still lived at his mother’s house.
“Do you feel you can handle being alone this long?” Lan Qiren asks. “You will not see your father for a long time.”
A-Zhan nods, Lan Qiren supposes that despite the one habit they have, it isn’t that hard for the boy to skip his “once-a-month” meeting with his father, since he never had that for seven years. It’s still kind of new.
“You’d spend the lantern festivities at Lotus Pier.” He adds.
That hurts the most but Lan Qiren has the Cloud Recesses’ classes to wrap up in this period. It always ends at the Lantern festival. He cannot skip it. And it’s so close to the Wei's wedding date that making Lan Zhan come back only for a day or two, then return to Lotus Pier, would only tire the boy.
A-Zhan nods again, he never quite liked the Lantern festival anyways. He doesn't like celebrations in general: there’s too many people, too many things happening and people expecting him to participate and do things the boy is supposed to enjoy but doesn’t. He only likes his birthday and maybe, winter festival, as it is spent with family only.
“I will ask Sect Leader Jiang to train you among his disciples, you’ll have to behave well to not shame the Lan Sect.” Lan Qiren warns though.
The boy sends to his uncle a stubborn frown and nods. Confident.
“Not alone. Wei Ying is there too.” He explains.
Then that settles it, no matter how much Lan Qiren doesn’t like the idea, it will be for the best. Hopefully, when Lan Zhan returns, he will stop visiting his mother’s house and be cured. It will be easier to convince the elders to agree with those points.
“You’ll go right after your 8th birthday.” He tells him.
“Thank you Uncle,” A-Zhan says. Lan Qiren is proud of how much A-Zhan has progressed, since his mother has been gone. He talks, now, for real.
Small sentences, but clear ones. His mother’s death has many good sides, Lan Qiren thinks, even though he knows it’s a terrible thought that he should not have. He hopes that after the trip, they will get rid of the bad sides of her death.
That night, A-Zhan lays on his bed, thoughtful. A-Huan looked sad at the idea of letting him go, but he smiled anyways and wished A-Zhan to have a good time at Lotus Pier (and also Nie Mingjue and him asked A-Zhan to say hi to Meng Yao for them, A-Zhan asked A-Huan to say hi to Father in exchange). A-Huan didn’t ask about Mother, he thinks she is not at Lotus Pier. He explains to A-Zhan the same thing Uncle did: that Mother is gone and will not come back, even though she writes letters.
The boy touches his bag, even though he knows it’s too soon to pack, he still did it. The letter Mother sent is hidden inside it, safely tucked and rolled with A-Ying’s red ribbon. A-Huan will have the portrait the Wei sent them (he needs it to get better at painting he said, as an example), A-Zhan keeps the letter. The portrait is another reason why A-Zhan thinks his mother is at Lotus Pier: Wei Ying’s father never saw A-Zhan’s mother, how could he make a picture of her that is so realistic? She has to be there.
So he closes his eyes, full of hope. Usually he falls asleep reciting the Lan clan’s rules, but lately, he has been thinking about his mother’s letter. He knows it by heart now.
“My dear sons, I hope this letter finds you well. As well as you can be, in these dire circumstances. Mother is sorry she has to leave you like this. Be sure that she wanted to stay with you until the end of time, to watch you grow and become great men. I know how much it hurts. Mother misses her home everyday too. But your father once gave me this piece of advice: you carry your home with you all the time, in your heart. That way you never truly lose it. When you miss Mother, I want you to think of those precious moments we spent together. Even those which seem insignificant. I tried my best to give you only happy memories of our time together so you could always think of me fondly. I loved gardening with you A-Huan, and I loved reading you stories A-Zhan. I hope you’ll be able to find courage and comfort in those small moments like I did. Everytime I think about it, it brings me joy, I remember how much I love rather than how much I miss. But if you still hurt, then, be sure that I'll always be with you. I made sure of that, to be at your side, always, be it through happiness or despair, I will stay with you and maybe the memory of me you keep close to your heart will be enough to help you. I pray for this everyday. That’s how I will reach immortality. If you accept me by your side, then I will stay, for all eternity. Mother will always love you, even when no one else does, even if you make a mistake that you regret. Mother knows how easy it is. She did that quite a lot. Your father too. Everybody makes mistakes, no matter what the Lan sect’s rules say. It won’t change. I will always love you both with all my heart, I will always watch over you, even if you cannot see me anymore. So live well, live to the utmost and try your best to be happy. I want to see you smile. Would you do that for me, my precious sons?”
A-Zhan wonders what she means, by being there but not here. He can’t wait to see mother again and ask her. But most of all, he can’t wait to hug her. He misses her. Everyday.
***
In Qinghe, someone else is thinking of going to Lotus Pier. On one hand, Second Madam Nie is holding the invitation letter to the Wei couple’s wedding. On the other one, she has a message from her brother-in-law. Her heart is swelling with doubts.
The second message points out, accusatory: “You said you would meet them if they looked for you. Well they are. I already told Wei Mingyao about them when I visited him last month. He will be going to the ceremony, with or without your blessings. But he would be happier to go with you.”
“What’s troubling you?” mumbles her husband by her side.
His voice is grumpy and he is frowning. His day has been long and tiring and he wants nothing more but to fall asleep right here and now, but he is aware that his second wife is worried. So he tries to make sure she will not pull an all nighter. Her brows eases as she glances at him.
“Nothing that I can’t handle, I don’t want to trouble you too.” She says, stubbornly.
He groans and wraps his arms around her waist, to lock her up, as if he could forbid her to run away mentally as he can physically. She gets it. Second madam Nie sighs at the gesture and caresses the secret sect tattoo, sending chills down her husband’s spine.
“Do… Do you remember my family?” She finally admits.
That does the trick, her husband blinks once, then fully awake he looks at her, raising up. A question is in his eyes.
“I might have found two of my siblings,” Nie Mingyan whispers, avoiding his gaze.
“This is wonderful news, we must invite them to Qinghe, then!”
She bits her lips, and shakes her head.
“There is no need. They are currently living at Lotus Pier right now and—”
“Wait. What?” he pauses and then his eyes light up with understanding: “Wei Changze?”
Those who think Nie men lack intelligence are up for a bad surprise. Crude and maybe a bit too blunt, but Nie Mingyan never ever thought the man she married stupid. She nods.
“Ah, I should have guessed, but it’s such a common surname! And this woman, the servant… She looked a bit like you now that I think about it, and even sang your song—I should have…”
“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. The thing is: we cannot meet.”
“Why not?”
“Their loyalty goes to the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. My position in the Nie sect is complicated enough, I do not need people to doubt my loyalty because my family is tied to another sect. They are already doubting our marriage I—”
“Nonsense, no one is doubting our marriage.”
Wei Mingyan sends her husband a fond look, because he is just stubbornly rejecting what he knows is the truth.
“You just don’t listen to the whispers in the hallway.”
“If there are whispers, we’ll just have to scream louder than them.”
She giggles, forever amazed by her husband’s strategy. It’s a Nie’s trait, that’s for sure, their late wife did that too. Or more accurately, she dealt with rumors and poisonous words with utter confidence in her righteousness. “If you behave well, there’s no reason for people to gossip,” she had stated once, so certain that vile words couldn’t alter what she knew was the truth. She had been so surprised when she realized life isn’t so simple. That’s why they both needed Mingyan. Because she knows about subtlety and trickery unlike them. She managed to get rid (not by killing but simply removing them to the countryside) of all the people who knew about her courtesan past. She erased all proof she had been one, burned the brothel and their archives. She made sure her name wouldn’t sully the Nie Sect ever. Sure some people knew—people talked—but there was no past client, no past reports, no scandal and so no leverage to use from this.
She shakes her head and says:
“It’s okay for them to gossip a bit. It helps me.”
She cultivated her reputation of a weak and sickly wife: it is beneficial to her. This is the art of deflecting, by making them all underestimate her and look one way, she can plan and plot where they aren’t looking. But too many rumors, having them doubt just a tad bit too much and it becomes dangerous. The equilibrium is very hard to find and it took years in the brothel for Mingyan to get it right.
“If people learn that I’m connected to a great sect, they might think me more powerful than I actually am. It would be detrimental—”
“Who?”
She looks at her husband, lost, and his question is genuine. She is at loss of words for a second.
“P-People.”
“Yes, but who exactly?”
There’s a threat in his tone, like he would get rid of the person who would dare worry his wife. Suddenly she loves him for that—even though she also is a bit annoyed.
“This is of no importance—”
“Ugh. Women. Always finding excuses and making things more complicated than it should be....”
She chokes on her words. She regrets not having her fan to hide her expression behind it. But she is in bed, fans—especially the one that reminds them both of the woman they loved and lost—are not allowed here.
“This is not an excuse,” she defends, a bit weakly. “It’s true.”
“I think you don’t want to see them because you’re afraid.”
Nie Mingyan doesn’t answer that, because the truth would be obvious.
“Why are you afraid?” Her husband asks, though.
“It’s my fault we all got separated.”
He huffs, indigned.
“Bullshit, it's your father who is responsible. You’re not the one who decided to sold them all off—”
“But what if I am?”
Mingyan bites her lips in front of her husband’s frown. She hates how her voice wavers as she confesses:
“Back then I had a lot of plans to make sure we wouldn’t starve. Unrealistics plans, surely, as I was a kid, but plans still.”
She had wanted to change what they cultivated in the field, turn it into a mulberries plantation, at first, but then she realized how expensive, long and impossible the transition would be.Their baby brother was slowly dying, undernourished, so she tried to find better, quicker ways to survive. When father went to the city, Mingyao tried to get hired for small jobs. She accompanied them, hoping to find something to do and help too. But people could hire a young boy but they would not hire girls, except brothels. All the Wei daughters could do was help tending the field, the same field that wasn’t enough to feed them all. The pit they were stuck in seemed bottomless.
“I heard about families adopting boys, when they had no heir, and I thought that… well, with Wei Changze and Mingyao gone, maybe we could have a chance to survive. Even if we didn’t see them again, we would know they would be fine and healthy. I tried to convince father that it was the only way to survive.”
The next thing she knew her father took her to a household and sold her as a servant. He told her to never return home. She disobeyed, she ran away and tried to come back. He caught her while she tried to sneak back inside the house and without further ado dragged her to a brothel. She met the Madam who had once looked at the family, as Mingyan, Wanyue and YingYing tried to sell goods. The one who gave the three girls one look and commented how MingYan and YingYing would be so famous if they joined.
Mingyan should have guessed, she should have expected that, between boys and girls, their parents would rather get rid of the girls first. No family would look for a girl as heir. And she should have been smarter than that: after running away from servitude Mingyan couldn’t be sold to any other household anymore. All that was left for her were brothels... that paid so, so good, especially for girls her age they could put to work right away...
“That’s what I said, it’s your father’s fault, not yours.” Insists her husband, still. “He got the instructions all wrong.”
She smirks, not completely convinced. She killed her father for that. Not that Sect leader Nie knows about it. She had been very careful so he would never discover it.
He had been betrayed one too many times, first by his own sister and the second family branch, then by his ex-friend, Wen Ruohan. He would never forgive Wei Mingyan if he knew she betrayed him too. Even though she did. She killed her father and all the people who stood still in the village and avoided their gazes. She doesn’t regret it. She still thinks he deserved it. But maybe her siblings won’t agree with her. Maybe they will be angry. Maybe they would see her for what she is: the one behind all their pain, whose schemes failed to help anyone, and the murderer of their father. She is fine with knowing her siblings are happy and alright somewhere in the world. She can live with that truth. However she is not sure she can live knowing they hate her. So yeah, you could say Wei Mingyan is afraid. One might even say she is terrified.
Love is conditional. She learned that lesson the hard way. She never forgot it.
Sighing, her husband takes the invitation letter from Lotus Pier and curls his wife’s fingers around it.
“Mingyan, avoiding your fears won’t make them disappear, only confronting them will.”
“You and your Nie’s wisdom. This is not the kind of monster I can beat down, you know?”
“Everything is a monster you can beat down, you just haven't found the right way to hit it yet.”
She laughs, her throat tight with emotions. She doesn’t think he is right: some monsters cannot be taken down with a straightforward fight. But this is not the case of this one. This one… Meeting with her long lost siblings… This is not something that requires plans and trickery. On the contrary, this kind of behavior drifted them apart. Maybe her husband is right, maybe it is time to do it the Nie’s way. She is no less scared, though.
“If it doesn’t go well—”
“Then they are stupid,” states her husband, loud and clear. But then he smiles at her and drags her close. “But that won’t change a thing. I promised you. Qinghe is your home now.”
Mingyan doesn’t say anything, she snuggles close to her husband and puts her head on his torso. His words echo in her mind, with a different voice, the one of the wife they both lost. It’s true. They both vowed. Even if she has no family left, she will always have them. As long as she doesn’t aspire to have more than just them, she should be fine. Right? Admitting that it is not the case would be spitting on their generosity.
She looks at the letter, folded neatly on the blanket, and whispers:
“I will think about it.”
And that’s not a lie, in the next few days, she does a lot of thinking.
Notes:
I hope you liked Wei Mingyan's return =D I tried to draw her for the family tree, but I'm not sure I succeeded U-U My friend convinced me to give a try to hotel del luna (which is not a Spanish serie despite the title ??) and son watched it with her during the vacations, and I saw the actress that plays the heroine and went "that's it, that Wei Mingyan !! She even has the mole on her cheek !" So if you know this serie, well...now you know what Wei Mingyan looks like...U-U She's very pretty.
I also hope you liked baby Lan Zhan's pov even if it was a bit sad. He will get better of course, I'm working on that.
Good news I'm working on the last chapter of the first half!! I'm almost done with it =D Once I'm done I will probably take a small break to start to have chapters in advance before I start publishing the next part. I want to have 10 chapters in stock before posting the first one. I also wants to write missing scenes. So yeah, we'll see how things turns out !! ^^
Have a nice day, see you all on Friday!!
Chapter 100: Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan
Notes:
Hello everyone, i hope you're all doing great =D I'm currently writing the last chapter of the story (which is not this one, thanks to flash-back 6 parts chapter xo)...And it gives me a bit of troubles. So i want to ask all of you : what do you look forward the most for the wedding day? (If anyone of you tell me smutt i'm kicking their butt! then i will go hide in a corner!! I'm not writing smutt, sorry!!) Please tell me in a comment i will try to keep it in mind in while writing the last chapter =P
Previous chapter summary --> You know what, i will go and edit chapter summary when i will be done with the LAST CHAPTER. (can you feel the pressure?)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
One month after the winter festival Lotus Pier received a letter from Cloud Recesses. Which wasn't that unusual, but the content had been. For once it was not from Lan Huan or Lan Zhan, or even Nie Mingjue, but from Lan Qiren. And it was addressed to Jiang Fengmian. The man kindly requested the Jiang Sect leader to accept Lan Zhan for a few weeks, as a return of favor for helping Wei Wuxian and Wei Changze back then. Wei Changze and Jiang Fengmian suspected there was more to it, but accepted anyway, mainly because Cangse Sanren had wanted to check on the boy since Liu Hua’s passing. But not so surprisingly, the one who had been the most eager to see Lan Zhan had not been Cangse Sanren but Wei Ying.
The moment they told him about the visit, the boy jumped to his feet and went to his room. He tidied up the whole place and declared that since he was cured Lan Zhan had to sleep in his room (Then, to calm down A-Cheng and A-Ning who felt rejected and neglected, he compromised by saying they would all sleep together in one giant two-month sleep over, which the parents had not agreed on yet). He also bothered Jiang Cheng until the boy finally agreed to help him hunt bunnies, trap them inside his room for Lan Zhan, and then teach all Lotus Pier animals to not eat those said bunnies. Because those were gifts for Lan Zhan. He also asked Yanli to help him make a soup for Lan Zhan (which resulted in Yanli making the soup), asked Meng Yao to help him hang their Lotus Pier wall of rules in the room and was chased out of A-Qing and A-Ning’s garden when he requested them to make the plants grow faster so they could make a better cold medicine for A-Zhan.
A-Ying does not sleep at all the night before Lan Zhan was scheduled to arrive. And he spends the whole morning waiting on the pier, trying to spot the boat where Lan Zhan is. Wei Changze’s attempts to calm him down with cuddles do not work at all. The kid is almost buzzing with excitement.
Wei Changze sighs, unfortunately, before Lan Zhan arrives, he has to warn his son. He wishes Cangse Sanren could be with him, but alas, his future-wife went to visit her Uncle-Cannot again, along with Sisi, so the woman could meet Wanyue and her niece too. And prevent Sisi from murdering Cangse Sanren’s uncle. They will be back only in a few days, hopefully. They had already planned this before Lan Zhan’s arrival date was set. To make up for missing this event, Cangse Sanren had prepared Liu Hua’s letters (to give to Lan Yuan) and many other things. But she certainly did not write down a speech about life and death to give the kids. Unfortunately.
“Kids, A-Ying, there’s something I need to tell you,” He says.
He would have liked to have some support, bringing the news to the boy. Meng Yao looks up, guessing what the new is about easily. Jiang Yanli and Wen Qing already know, as they are older, but A-Cheng and A-Ning are puzzled and curious.
“The reason why Lan Zhan is here is not just because he has a cold.”
“It’s because Wen Qing is going to cure him like she did with auntie Meng Shi then?” Tries A-Cheng.
Wen Qing blinks a few times, surprised by the utmost confidence in her skills young master Jiang has. She manages to hide her blush to the boy though A-Li notices and chuckles behind her sleeve.
“No, it’s not that,” Wei Changze says. “I have no doubt Wen Qing is very talented, but so are the healers of Cloud Recesses Jiang Cheng, stating otherwise could be a political disaster if you said it in front of the wrong people.”
“I didn’t say they’re not good, I said Wen Qing is better.”
“That’s almost the same to some people,” explains Meng Yao to the boy.
“I don’t like politics” hisses A-Ying in his father’s arms.
Wei Changze can’t help it, he kisses the top of his son’s head. He reminds him too much of Cangse Sanren right now. Then he looks for the right words to say, for a long moment. Then thinking there is just no good way to say those things, he says:
“Lan Zhan lost his mother recently. So you have to be extra careful with him.”
“Lost, like your friend who is lost, not lost like playing hide-and-seek lost?” Inquires A-Ying immediately.
“Yes, A-Ying, lost like dead.”
Wen Ning’s expression falls at that, even Jiang Cheng’s angry pouts falter.
“But he didn’t say anything in his letters — ” A-Ying stops and realizes something, he looks down at Meng Yao and accuses: “You knew! That’s why you asked daddy to send a portrait like the one for A-Ning and A-Qing!”
Meng Yao has the decency to look a bit guilty. Especially when all the younger kids look at him, like he has personally betrayed their trust. Despite the fact that Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli also knew — yet no one points finger at them — embarrassed, he throws the blame on someone else:
“It was not my secret to tell.”
The excuse is good enough to calm the three boys… Only a little bit, as they soon worry over their friend coming over. A-Ning asks if he can hug Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng immediately reminds them that Lan Zhan doesn’t like hugs and so should not be hugged… But then A-Ying sends a confused look to the adult and his older siblings and asks:
“So what do we do?”
“Yeah what if he cries?!” Worries Jiang Cheng.
“Oh no!” A-Ying gasps. “He can’t cry! I have to make him giggle, not cry!”
Wei Changze has not a miracle solution to that, so he tells the boys:
“Be gentle and patient with him. Don’t talk about his mother unless he does it first. If he cries, warn one of the adults.”
Wei Changze manages to get their words and sighs. Just in time, because Lan Zhan’s boat appears at the horizon. He tells the kids to bring Jiang Fengmian here, so they can welcome their guests correctly.
Wei Wuxian, the Yiling patriarch, watches over the Jiang Sect as they help the boat dock. If he had still a body, he would certainly feel a pressure in his chest, his heart heavy.
Lan Zhan has grown up since the last time they saw him. He is still helped out of the boat by Lan Yuan, like a baby. Probably because he can’t move much: he is almost completely wrapped in a warm coat too, a big fluffy scarf hiding half of his face. He is wearing mourning white from head to toe. He looks… tired, and thinner too. It’s strange to see the second jade in such a state.
Lan Yuan takes care of the courtesy words, bowing low to thank the Jiang Sec for accepting their young master in their home for so long. He probably does it to relieve Lan Zhan of the duty of speaking up. Though at Lotus Pier, no one expects this of the boy. Yet, Lan Zhan walks up to Jiang Fengmian, shows the courtesy gift from the Lan sect, and says:
“Lan Zhan thanks Sect Leader Jiang for his welcome.”
Which causes the whole crowd of children to gasp (And Wei Changze and Meng Yao to pinch them all because making it weird would not help). Jiang Fengmian offers the Second master Lan a kind smile and accepts the gift with both hands. Lan Yuan exchange again some courtesy bows and then, finally lets go of all this political work to crouch in the direction of Wen Qing and Wen Ning:
“Here are my favorite assistants! How are you doing? Did you make any progress on your studies?”
This is a good sign, Wen Qing immediately drops everything to run to her mentor with her little brother. They both get a pat on the head and start babbling joyously about what they did the last few months.
In the meantime Lan Zhan stands there, on the dock, looking around like he is searching for a familiar face. Wei Changze puts down A-Ying so he can rush to his friend, but the boy hesitates. He does not see the red ribbon in his friend’s forehead, when he made sure to wear the one his friend gave him last time.
“Lan Zhan,” he starts’ but doesn’t finish because he doesn’t know what to say to make his friend feel better.
He is scared he will make him cry. When his father almost died, after all he felt like anything could make the tears spill out, and his father is fine, he made it out okay. In front of his hesitance Lan Zhan hesitates too, then shyly he opens his arms and asks:
“Hug?”
Wei Ying is thrilled by the request and jumps on his friend like he had wanted to do since he heard he was coming at Lotus Pier.
“I’m happy to see you!”
Lan Zhan stumbles, but does not fall like last time. He even wraps his arms around his friend and hugs tighter. But he remains silent. Fortunately Meng Yao and Yanli come to the rescue:
“Wei Wuxian prepared his room so you could sleep there with him,” starts Meng Yao.
Lan Zhan gives him a brief wave of hands, to give the boy Lan Huan’s hello, like he promised he would.
“He even caught bunnies and taught Wufa not to nip them. Would you like to see them?” Adds Jiang Yanli.
“I taught Wufa that!” Precises Jiang Cheng, eager to convey that his adopted brother is terrible at pet cultivation.
The word “bunny” definitely gets Lan Zhan’s attention on them but not by much, he still doesn’t let go of Wei Wuxian and looks around like he is expecting someone to appear. He still lets himself be guided by the crowd of children, and Wei Changze notices the extra effort everyone makes not to surround the Second master Lan and not touch him by accident.
The adults see them go, only a tiny bit worried.
“Will he be alright?” Asks Jiang Fengmian to Lan Yuan. “Is there anything we should be wary of?”
Lan Yuan sighs and shakes his head.
“Just be careful of his cold, I will give you medicine and instructions.”
“I’m sure Wen Qing will be extra vigilant on that,” assures Jiang Fengmian with a smile. “She is very good at making the kids take their medicine when our official doctor fails at it...”
“And we will tell everyone to be wary during training too,” adds Wei Changze.
Before Lan Yuan goes, Wei Changze does ask him to come to his quarter, and hands him Liu Hua’s letters. The man goes through this one by one, frowning slightly at each.
“Now I get why the Second young master is confused…” he sighs.
“I’m sorry, my future-wife didn’t realize it, she just thought it would comfort the boy. If you think it’s better not to give it to them…”
“No. They should have it. Their mother wrote this for them, and so they should be able to read it. Thank you, I will make sure they will get it. And also be sure they are not confused this time.”
Wei Changze knows how much Lan Yuan is risking by helping them. Yet the man doesn’t seem to even consider it this time around, putting the letters in his bag like it’s something very precious. Wei Changze also gets out a small incense burner from a drawer.
It is one of the prototype Cangse Sanren did, hoping to alter the spell so she could speak to the Ghost General or their blob-son. But then Liu Hua’s death happened, and they witnessed the woman’s memory, and Cangse Sanren… Changed her mind. They apologized to their blob-son but used this prototype for another purpose: to record the memory Cangse Sanren witnessed inside the jade token. Actually, it’s not quite the term she used, but Wei Changze isn’t sure he understands exactly what she did. It has to do with the spell a cultivator uses to transmit simple information to another — like a place, an itinerary or a technique — and the ability of the incense burner to make one see a dream they already lived through.
All he knows is that somehow, Cangse Sanren managed to make sure Qingheng-Jun would see Liu Hua’s memory thanks to the incense burner. That way she won’t have to give up the jade token (she wants Liu Hua to be outside of Cloud Recesses: free, even if the woman is not conscious, Cangse Sanren also wants to be sure that the jade token will be given to the Lan boys, once they are old enough, and they don’t know if Qingheng-Jun will ever be able to do that, after all they don’t know if he is even allowed to see his sons anymore…)
“If you can, could you offer this to Qingheng-Jun?” Wei Changze asks, wrapping up the gift.
Cangse Sanren had been certain that Qingheng-Jun needed to see some part of Liu Hua’s memories. Maybe not all, as it would hurt, but at least the part where Liu Hua’s feelings toward him were certain. And Jiang Fengmian and Wei Changze agreed on that. The man in the memory wanted answers, this would give him some. He is the only victim of this mess that remains, and so they want to help. Yu Ziyuan says they should let him rot, but Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren have never been able to ignore someone in pain, for the better and the worse.
Besides they can actually give a gift to the real Lan Sect leader without sounding suspicious. Thanks to the Lan sect’s lies and denial of Lan Qiren. They prepared a gift for the actual sect leader too, Lan Qiren, so it should be alright.
Lan Yuan nods and accepts the gifts, not suspecting a thing. They already put him in enough danger. This is for the best.
Lan Yuan stays for dinner. He checks Wei Changze’s health (and deems the man completely, 100% cured, especially after he learns that there was no Qi deviation after finding Wei Wanyue).
“You’re our first patient who is cured besides Lan Juan!” He even states, quite proud.
He also gives some instructions and lessons to Wen Ning and Wen Qing, especially regarding how they should cure the Second young master Lan. Finally he makes sure Lan Zhan is well settled and welcomed, then after one hug with the Wen siblings (he refuses to call it that, but it’s definitely a hug) and a goodbye to his young master, he returns on the boat, off to Cloud Recesses.
Before he goes, Jiang Fengmian walks to him, and asks discreetly if Lan Yuan and his wife still have what allowed Cangse Sanren to speak to their Madam. Lan Yuan, to his defense, looks completely unfazed to be found out by a Sect Leader, but maybe he assumed it had been done with his agreement from the get go. He answers by the affirmative.
“Keep it always on yourself, then,” orders Jiang Fengmian.
Yu Ziyuan behind him adds: “If anything happens to you and you need help, use it to contact us.”
It’s the condition they all agreed on. They don’t want the Lan sect to bury another scandal by locking their friends in seclusion. Lan Yuan doesn’t comment on the obvious mistrust for his sect, he simply bows respectfully and convey his agreement by this sentence:
“Well, my wife wanted to add a third ribbon in her hairstyle.”
Then the matter is settled.
“See you for your wedding,” he wishes them off.
“See you at the wedding,” Wei Changze smiles.
Lan Zhan waves at Lan Yuan, until the boat is gone in the horizon, then he returns and takes Wei Ying’s hand in his.
“Want to play with my cat and the bunnies?” A-Ying offers.
Lan Zhan nods, the tip of his nose and ears red. Jiang Yanli immediately offers him a tiny cake. Wei Changze notices the way Jiang Cheng lingers in the boy’s shadow, and Yu Ziyuan frowns at the sight too. She recognizes that behavior, they all acted this way at Meng Yao’s arrival at the sect, when she told them to protect Wei Changze’s ward.
“They’re going to spoil him rotten…” She whispers.
Jiang Fengmian smiles, “Good.”
It’s a little bit petty, but he certainly hopes the Second young master Lan will be happy here, so happy that when he returns home, and grows up, he will try to change Cloud Recesses to make it a better place. And somewhere, deep, deep inside his heart, this solution brings peace to the turmoil that was left after the trip in Liu Hua’s memory.
It’s a good way to take revenge, he decides. It’s his way.
***
Meng Yao sighs, they are currently playing hide-and-seek because of Lan Zhan. It has been two days since the boy's arrival. While the Second master Lan does seem better and even gave Wei Ying a smile or two, as he slept in his friend’s room and petted the bunnies and cat… It’s still very obvious that something is wrong. The boy hadn’t requested it outwardly, but every break they have between lessons they see him looking left and right, like he is searching for someone. So this morning Meng Yao suggested they played the game.
Part of the reason why he did, was to make everyone stop staring sadly at Lan Zhan. The other reason is that Meng Yao is also looking for something: the book where Cangse Sanren writes the information about the future. Since the “accident” where A-Ying found it in his stuff, Wei Changze had been vigilant. He is the one who retrieves the book every time Cangse Sanren adds something in it and he is also the one to hide it. Meng Yao hadn’t been able to find it since summer. And Meng Yao doesn’t like not knowing. So he wants to find it and take a peek without anyone suspecting it. Playing hide-and-seek is the perfect cover-up story.
He tries to put himself in Wei Changze’s shoes. Where would he hide such a big secret? Not in the treasure room, that’s for sure. The future says there will be a war and that lotus Pier will fall, that’s probably why there're so many training sessions teaching them how to evacuate. The first thing invaders would do after conquering a place would be to empty the treasure room. It would be too dangerous to hide it there, it would be discovered immediately. So Meng Yao thinks that the best place to hide a book is among bookshelves. No one spots a specific tree inside a forest, after all. It must not be among the interesting books, the one holding secrets techniques, or the library where Cangse Sanren puts all her invention’s manuals. An invader would immediately look there. It’s probably hidden among boring stuff people taking over wouldn’t care about, like…the accountants registry? Or maybe even more boring: letters stock. And that way, since Wei Changze works on it regularly with it, he would be able to check on the book position everyday. That sounds perfect. Smart.
Meng Yao heads to the office. Disciples don't mind him entering, Meng Yao often helps the Sect Leader, his right hand man and the madam with the accounting, he is authorized here. Once he is inside, he fakes looking for his martial brothers and declares:
“I hope you’re not hidden in this room!”
He hears a snicker, who he identifies as Jiang Cheng’s. That’s problematic. He doesn’t want the boy to witness what he is going to do. So he finds his hiding spot quite fast (only faking to look at the wrong place two or three times to soothe the boy’s ego).
“Found!”
Jiang Cheng scowls, but doesn’t complain.
“Go wait for me in the courtyard, with the others,” Meng Yao instructs. “A-Ying and Lan Zhan are already there.”
Learning he is not the loser helps. The boy exits the room faster, and Meng Yao is alone and free to do what he wants. He immediately goes to the bookshelves, trying to spot the manual. He is half convinced he had made a mistake and theorized wrongly, when he sees something. It’s not the manual but a construction of books, like they have in Cangse Sanren’s workshop. Someone cut paper and made a fake town inside the bookshelves, lightening the fake window frame with talismans and adding papermen inside the street. Meng Yao almost takes back his hand, afraid to ruin the structure, when his brain screams: “This! This is perfect!”
After all, the manual has to be protected from invaders, but also from curious children. The best way to make sure they don’t go there is to make a paper town. The older ones will find it pretty and will not want to break it, while the younger ones will probably stop wandering and play with it, not going further than that! Also getting behind the whole set-up without altering it will be difficult. If he touches it and lets it in the wrong place, Wei Changze will immediately notice. Fortunately Meng Yao’s eidetic memory truly helps. There’s no way he will make such a mistake. He takes a bit of time to memorize where everything stands, and then proceeds to put it down. The future-events-manual is there, like he guessed. There’s also another manual he never saw before, that is obviously in the process of being written, the title is: “Xue’s knowledge” which is a bit cryptic, he puts it back and focuses on the future-events-manual.
Meng Yao hides a smirk, it’s too bad he can’t brag about it to Wei Changze, the man would be super proud. But he can’t afford to be caught, so he quickly starts to read everything he missed since summer.
It doesn’t take long. Cangse Sanren doesn’t add things often Meng Yao knows, he noticed that every time she does, it’s when Wen Ning is bedridden. Probably because it makes her do something while she supervises the boy’s state, Cangse Sanren is very bad with inactivity she always has to occupy her mind or she whines. A-Ning had only been sick twice since summer.
The new pages are simple, and hard to decipher — it’s Cangse Sanren’s awful writing after all — it’s a protection in itself. But Meng Yao is used to it by now, he manages.
Unlike what he believed, the death of Madam Lan isn’t prophesied in here. He feels his shoulders slump down in relief. He hadn’t missed something important that could have helped his friend if he knew beforehand.
It’s still sad, but Meng Yao feels less guilty.
The next bit of information, however, leaves him speechless. His heartbeats suddenly pikes. The book says:
During the Sunshot campaign, Meng Yao enters the Wen sect as a spy. He gets closer to Wen Ruohan by helping out with his strategy and finding ways to extract information from prisoners. He became Wen Ruohan’s right hand-man after the death of the Core-melting hand. Apparently he sent coded letters and maps to the enemy to help them win the war. At the end he stabbed Wen Ruohan in the back, allowing the allied force to win. He got the title of Lianfang-Zun for this act and became sworn brother with Zewu-Jun and Chifeng-Zun. Together they became the venerated Triad. He was recognized as Jin Guangshan’s legitimate son soon after and joined the Jin sect and received the courtesy name Jin Guangyao. It is unclear if he helped kill the Wen remnants. The Ghost General never saw him inside the camp.
Meng Yao is, as always when he reads the future events, not sure he gets everything. What he does get however is that somehow he is important in the future. A part of his mind screams: is that why you accepted me inside the Jiang sect?
But he chases the idea right away, he is fairly sure the manual came to be, way, way after Wei Changze offered him to join the sect. And this bit of information is recent. Meng Yao had been with the Jiang for two whole years now. Besides, if they somehow did know but didn’t write it down, then they would have known about Jin Guangshan being Meng Yao’s father. Given how much trouble they went through after this discovery at the conference, they wouldn’t have taken the risk…
Except if they wanted the glory of training the one who killed Wen Ruohan?
Then the second information hits him at full force. Kill Wen Ruohan? Him?! Even though everyone says he is doing great during his training, Meng Yao is fairly late, he has trouble flying on his own sword! There’s no way he could become strong enough to kill a Sect Leader, let alone the strongest Sect Leader of the cultivation world! Even by stabbing him in the back!
And a spy? He is terrified at the idea. Finding ways to extract information? Isn’t that a nice way to say torture? He cannot do that! He knows because when he sees Wen Qing train-sewing on dead animals he feels nauseous. He only manages to bear it because he reasons with himself: they’re animals, they’re already dead and not suffering anymore, they’re being prepared for dinner anyways. They have to eat and Wen Qing has to train to become a doctor and save real people. But it’s still disgusting. How could he ever do that to alive persons? And the Wen Remnants? Does that include A-Ning and Wen Qing? Is he going to kill his martial brother and sister? He will…
Is that why Wei Changze is so adamant about him knowing how to lie?
Meng Yao gulps. Does Wei Changze expect him to do so?
He caresses the word recognized as Jin Guangshan’s son. That can’t be happening. They made sure this would never happen by making the rejection public…. Going back on that would expose Cangse Sanren’s inventions, and at worse would ruin her reputation as a cultivation tool maker. And that name, Jin Guang Yao. After two years at the sect, helping out Wei Changze during his recovery, and participating on the inn-project with Jiang Fengmian, Meng yao learned a fair share about sect, clan and cultivator’s politics. If he received a courtesy name, it should start with the Zi character, giving him something with the Guang character puts him out of the succession line completely! He would never be considered for the position his generation should have access to. This is not recognition, it is mockery!
His heart burns again despite the fact that Meng Yao expects nothing from the man that fathered him anymore. The pain surprises him and stings his eyes still. He doesn’t get why. How can you still be hurt when you care not?
Suddenly there’s a noise outside, and someone complains:
“Yao-Bro, have you found everyone yet? It’s boring waiting in the courtyard, let us help! Lan Zhan wants to look too!”
Meng Yao hastily closes the book and makes sure to hide it well, rebuilding the whole paper construction around it just like it was. Then he gets out and spots Wei Wuxian, who is simply repeating the same thing over and over as he walks through the hallway. Lan Zhan is looking under the terrace. Whatever it is the boy has lost last time he was at Lotus Pier, he must really care about it. If only he could tell them what it is, surely, they would help looking for it.
Meng Yao exits the room, school his expression and calm down his heart, until he is sure no one can see something is wrong with him, and says:
“I’m here! I still haven’t found A-Ning, Wen Qing and Mistress Jiang.”
“We should try the technique Auntie Yu showed us during training then! You know: extend spiritual energy to feel others!” Proposes A-Ying with a big grin.
Meng Yao manages to push the fear away while they finish their hide-and-seek session, not with the technique A-Ying suggested, as it requires a lot more spiritual energy than what they have. Instead he manages to convince Yinzhu and Jinzhu to move the training session sooner, and so the three players are found by the twin maids for him.
He focuses even more throughout training that day, working until his muscle burns too. He can’t help but feel the shadow lurking behind his back. He cannot slack off, if his future is to kill the best cultivator in the world, he cannot, if it’s what it takes for the Jiang Sect to survive and get to the top, then he has to —
Later that night, as he lies on his bed in the darkness of the dorm, he can’t stand it anymore. Once again he takes his stuff and goes to his mother’s and Sisi’s room and sneaks into his mother’s bed. Meng Shi doesn’t react much, in deep slumber, but he curls against her warmth and closes his eyes. His heart beating fast.
***
The same night, Lan Zhan curls under the blanket. Wei Ying snores beside him, and Wufa, the cat changes position, annoyed by his young master’s noise. He goes to sleep on A-Cheng’s chest, making the boy scowl in his sleep. The bunnies hop around, they found a way to get out of the cage on the first day and the children didn’t care about it. Even though some hop on the back of those sleeping on the ground. A-Ning often blinks himself awake, woken up by their movement, but he is the only one. The room is an utter mess anyways, as it is to be expected when four boys under ten years old gather for a sleepover.
Wei Wuxian, the Yiling patriarch, secretly watches this bunch of kids sleep, deep in thought. He is not the only one, Wei Changze often goes to take a peek, to be sure they are all doing well, throughout the night. When they cross way, Wei Changze waves his hand at his blob-son, as to say goodnight to him too.
Even though Wei Wuxian doesn’t sleep anymore. He loses awareness, but that’s not slumber.
Not tonight though. Tonight his head is especially clear. And tonight he is not alone. It happened gradually, at first it had just been a song, in the back of his head, then, a form vaguely standing at the corner of his eyes… but then, little by little, Lan Zhan appeared. Not the tiny boy that is currently sleeping, his cheeks wet, his Lan Zhan. The one he fought with time and time again in their own timeline.
He looks as pristine as ever. All dressed in white and regal. It’s the first time Wei Wuxian can see one of the spirits that are trapped in the Iron Yin so clearly. Not even when he summoned them had they taken such a tangible form. And he certainly did not summon Lan Zhan. Maybe he could have one day, but Wei Ying is so close to forming a golden core, and the closer he gets to it, the less powerful Wei Wuxian feels. But even then maybe he wouldn’t have been able to: there’s also not a single trace of resentment in Lan Zhan’s soul, staying pure amidst the pool of negative emotions the Iron Yin is.
Honestly Wei Wuxian shouldn’t be surprised, if there is one person that could accomplish such a miracle, of course it’s Lan Zhan. The one he once saw as his equal: his soulmate. He is both amazed and a little bit jealous. He bears complicated feelings toward the man since his death, at first there’s been anger mixed with sadness. The man stopped him from dying and put himself in danger to save his worthless — already doomed — life, after all, and this without Wei Wuxian’s agreement. Now after almost three years of wandering those emotions lessened a little. There’s only a strange sort of melancholy left.
Lan Wangji is playing the music on his guqin, near his tiny self’s mind. He doesn’t dare touch his younger self, but his music seems to sooth the boy’s pain. His eyes closed, focused entirely on the melody. It’s oddly familiar, not completely but some notes, especially one accord, rings a bell in Wei Wuxian’s mind.
“Can you hear me Lan Zhan?” He whispers, wishing but not hoping.
Yet the soul opens his eyes and looks at him directly.
“I can.” He says.
Wei Wuxian’s heart skips a beat — which is strange because he has no body anymore — but the impression is still there.
“Really! Oh wow, that’s awesome! How come I can only see you right now?”
Lan Zhan remains silent for a moment, then finally points his younger self:
“I’ve always been here. It’s just easier to… be aware when he is here with you.”
“Really? Maybe that’s why I can hear Jiang Cheng too sometimes. But he has never appeared to me yet.”
“Mn. I do feel his presence.” Agrees Lan Zhan. “Like Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli or Wen Qing.”
Wei Wuxian hiccups.
“What are you talking about? Those three aren’t here, they’re dead — ”
“They’re here, partly. Enough to be both here and not here. ”
Wei Wuxian blinks. It takes an awfully long time to get it: their Human soul, and Earth soul. Of course, Nightless city occured not even seven days after Jin Zixuan’s death. Not even he had the time to move to the underworld yet. Let alone Wen Qing or Jiang Yanli! He doesn’t know what to think about it. A part of him is glad his beloved sister and friend are by his side… The other part feels guilty they are trapped in this mess and unable to even form a conscious thought that the Iron Yin could feed on.
He is only sure of one thing:
“You’re amazing Lan Zhan.”
Not only had he perceived souls Wei Wuxian, the demonic cultivator, could not notice, but the Iron Yin itself probably couldn’t either. Or maybe it could? That would explain why old Jiang Yanli, in the nightmare created by the Iron Yin, was so unstable she fainted at some point. Her soul could handle a little bit of deviation but not much. He will think about it later, for now he is focused on what Lan Zhan accomplished and all of that without being corrupted. Wei Wuxian doesn’t feel resentment coming from Lan Zhan. Maybe that's the main difference with Jiang Cheng, who is a great cultivator, but he is prone to anger, which the Iron Yin feeds on. And Jiang Cheng cannot control it, only be swallowed by it, unlike Wei Wuxian. Lan Zhan, by remaining pure, can pierce through the darkness. Truly, his title Hanguang-Jun, has never rang more true.
Lan Wangji lowers his gaze, unconvinced. Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what to say to him. There’s a remnant of anger inside his heart, the one he bears on the bad days, when the Iron Yin wins and he loses. Wei Wuxian is sometimes angry at Lan Wangji for many things: for not helping him out before and for helping him out and trying to save him from the fall at Nightless City, for example. But that’s not what he is feeling right now.
He looks at the baby Lan Zhan sleeping in the bed and all he can feel is sadness.
“Tell me… Lan Zhan… Did we accelerate this little one’s mother’s death?”
Just like he did with the Wen sibling’s parents? It’s hard enough to be aware he is the cause behind the tragedy of Wen Ning and Wen Qing, in this timeline… He doesn’t want to be responsible for Lan Zhan’s sadness too. He is tired of being guilty of his loved ones’s suffering.
Lan Wangji stops playing, and remains silent for a moment. Then he shakes his head. Wei Wuxian wishes he knew and didn’t have to ask, but there’s just so much he doesn’t know about his Lan Zhan’s life. He knew that the man had only his father at Cloud Recesses, but not that he lost his mother so young.
“Mother should have died only a bit before my seventh birthday.”
This little Lan Zhan just celebrated his eighth birthday. This one only recently lost his mother. It’s almost a year later than in their original timeline. This fact brings a smile to Wei Wuxian and warmth to his heart.
“I’m glad.”
He is not the one making this tiny boy cry.
“Will he be alright?” He asks Lan Wangji next, and what is left unsaid is: Are you? Does it still hurt you?
Unfortunately, Lan Wangji shakes his head again. He doesn’t say that the boy will never recover from his mother’s loss, that he will miss her everyday, and that it will not get better with time. Yet Wei Wuxian hears it anyways, maybe it’s because of the strange state they’re both in, where words are second to emotions.
“I’m sorry.” Wei Wuxian says. “I wish we could have saved her. I wish you could have met her again. I wish I knew about it.”
He adds, a little bit guilty.
“I wish you weren’t trapped here with me.”
He wishes he was the only one suffering from the consequences of his mistakes. Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, Jiang Cheng, Lan Zhan, so many people are trapped here when they don't deserve it...
Lan Wangji doesn’t reply, which does not help chase the awful feeling away. He stares at Wei Wuxian and mumbles a sad “Wei Ying” like he so often did at Nightless City. Wei Wuxian recognizes the accusatory tone. He notices how the resentment — his self-hatred — clings to his soul. He fights it to remain conscious and aware. It’s hard, but he manages to swallow it down like he did many times while doing demonic cultivation. Still...
“Lan Zhan you’re really amazing, to manage to remain this composed here, without any crooked tricks....”
Lan Zhan doesn’t answer, like he always does, as if compliments go through him. Maybe he doesn’t realize how much of a miracle it is.
“Every spirit here is being eaten away by resentment. Even those who weren’t at Nightless City and didn’t bear any hate in the first place are growing angry because they realize they are dead and trapped… I can feel some that are still resisting but they try not to get close to this pit of resentment to not be corrupted faster... Why are you even here? Don’t you know it’s dangerous for your soul?”
It’s not like it will change anything, they are trapped here for eternity, that’s a very long time. Wei Wuxian has no doubt that Lan Zhan can resist corruption for just as long though, but he doesn’t want him to be in danger. That’s the very reason why he wanted him to let go of his hand at Nightless City: Lan Zhan shouldn’t be dragged down with him, he should have let him die. Yet his Lan Zhan looks up, and sends him a look that is so familiar.
“Wei Ying is here.”
If Wei Wuxian still had a heart it would plummet to the ground. It’s the same expression the man has when he asks him to return to Gusu with him to be cleaned, punished and imprisoned. Bitter, awful feelings slip through Wei Wuxian’s chest. Really lan Zhan? Even here?
“And it’s where I should be huh?” He spats.
This is what he deserves: an after life full of resentment? It’s what Lan Zhan warned him about, what using the crooked path could only lead to, and he had been right so that makes him happy and at peace? Oh so righteous Lan Zhan, doing his duty and seeing the evil punished even in death.
Suddenly Wei Wuxian has had enough. He doesn’t want to see the man’s face, despite missing him dearly. He doesn’t understand this man, even though he once thought he did. Even though he wanted to. But if that’s what Lan Zhan thinks of him, maybe he should stop —
“That’s where I should be.” Lan Zhan’s voice rings out.
Wei Wuxian looks up, surprised. But Lan Zhan doesn’t say anything anymore, he has disappeared, only one note of his melody remains. Wei Wuxian is both grateful and regretful. But mostly he is just confused.
Who would want to be trapped here, with him ?
Notes:
Surprise Surprise! !! Have Two Lan Zhan and two Wei Wuxian as a gift to celebrate chapter 100th !!
I hope you enjoyed him being an dense idiot in love. I hope the transition with his mood isn't too surprising, after all it's been 3 years since he awoke and his anger subsided...Anyways i want to take this oportunity to present all my readers who likes Xiyao these two fanfics :
Let me in by Esca735
and
The Restoration of Honour by WaterHorseyBluesBecause they deserve some love and all they get is the hate for the Xiyao troll and that's unfair. Their fics are really well written. I've been trying to go and comment but i don't have lot of time and can only do it very slowly...Anyways if you do give it a try i hope you'lll like it as much as i do =D
Chapter 101: Allowing yourself to heal
Notes:
Hello everyone ! I hope you're all doing great today ^^
I have a very good new...The last chapter is written UU (Well i have to re-read it and correct/edit some part and asks my dear beat readers nashapixie and fraudulent_moose their opinions on it but...It's written.) And i like it UU So...HURRAY ??? Wouhou, i'm so happy i managed to write before the fic got one year old x) I will take some time off to write off chapters for the next part but i want to post the second part of the fic on March (same day this one was posted). I hope it's okay with you !!
Also i have another good news, ArianaCS kindly offered to translate this fanfiction in spanish !! Hurrayx2 It makes me so happy it's the first time my work will ever be translated...!! Wish her good luck, it's a lot of work, but i know she can do it =)
Anyways i leave you with the next chapter today ^^ Once agian it's corrected by the talented nashapixie and fraudulent_moose !!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The moment Cangse Sanren returns to Lotus Pier with Sisi, Lan Zhan's eyes light up, he let's go of WY's hand and runs to the woman. He is allowed, there is no “no running” rule at Lotus Pier. When he reaches her, he pulls on her robe and looks up and asks:
“Where is Mother?”
Lan Huan said to Lan Zhan that Cangse Sanren sent the letters, so it seems logical she is the one who knows where she is. He hasn’t been able to find the place she is until now, no matter how much he searched for it. He half expected her to be with Cangse Sanren and see her silhouette close to Wei Ying’s mother, but there’s only A-Ying’s aunt by her side and a girl as old as Jiang Yanli, that he doesn’t recognize but looks a lot like Wei Ying and his mother.
Unfortunately, Cangse Sanren’s expression falls at his question and A-Zhan’s heart squeezes in fear. She lowers on her sword so their eyes can meet and she whispers, sadly:
“Oh Lan Zhan, I’m sorry… I wouldn’t have sent the letter if I knew how much it would confuse you.”
A-Zhan shakes his head: he likes the letter, he is happy he got it. But he doesn’t get why everyone is so adamant his mother is gone when she said she wouldn’t be. When there is so much proof that she is here, somewhere!
He remains silent as Cangse Sanren pats his head but avoids her arms when she tries to hug him. He doesn’t want a hug from anyone but his mother. Cangse Sanren looks sad but she doesn’t insist, instead she whispers:
“Okay, I will show you where your mother is, just… wait a bit.”
A-Zhan’s head perks up and he tries not to smile to show how happy it makes him. But he clutches to Wei Ying’s mother’s sleeve so she cannot get away. He remains silent and in the background as they return to Lotus Pier. Wei Changze and Sisi immediately start a big conversation about a subject he doesn’t quite get—something about an old man. Something about an uncle that must marry a sister. They get through the main courtyard to interrupt Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan at the main training field. It takes a few minutes but after a bit of discussion, the Sect Leader introduces to the disciples and the children the young lady as Wei Ying’s cousin, Mo Wanrong.
“She is from the panda side of the family!” States A-Ning, which makes everyone laugh for some obscure reason A-Zhan isn’t sure he wants to know.
Apparently she will be staying with them to see if she has the makings of a cultivator despite her being too old to actually start cultivation seriously.
Jiang Yanli and Wen Qing are obviously happy to have a new girl joining their ranks, even though she is a little bit older. Meng Yao promises her to give her tips so she can catch up, after all he started late too (though not as late as her). Jiang Cheng obviously gloats at the idea to show off the splendor of Lotus Pier to this new disciple. Wei Ying however seems hesitant for a moment, between returning to Lan Zhan’s side or running to meet the one he already calls his Panda-Aunt. In the end, Cangse Sanren makes the choice for him:
“Children, would you mind showing Lotus Pier around to A-Rong? I will go take a bit of rest, I’m tired from travelling. A-Zhan, help me carry my package, would you?”
A-Zhan is puzzled, as Cangse Sanren baggage is tied to her sword, and so she doesn’t need any help with it. He still vaguely puts his hand on it to make sure it doesn’t touch the ground and follows. She tries to talk a bit, asking him how he is at Lotus Pier and what he did in the few days he arrived but… A-Zhan doesn’t really feel like talking so he does the bare minimum and answers by nods and a few words when he has to.
He will tell his mother about all that when he sees her, Cangse Sanren can stay to hear about it.
It’s strange though, Cangse Sanren leads Lan Zhan to the Wei’s quarters, where A-Zhan knows for sure his mother isn’t staying. Maybe she wants him to tidy up the mess they made while playing this morning before? It would sound fair. So he starts to pick up the wooden swords they used to fake a fight this morning—
“Lan Zhan, put that down, come here.”
He obeys diligently—putting the sword close to the chest it should go—and sits at the main table in front of Cangse Sanren. His back straight. She puts a jade token in front of him, that is very similar to the one they use at home to go past the ward. A-Zhan looks up, trying to get why she is giving him that. Does she want him to return home? Is mother back at her cottage?
Cangse Sanren is thoughtful for a long time, visibly struggling with her words, her head in her hand, so A-Zhan doesn’t insist. He knows how hard words are to come out sometimes. He has to be patient and show restraint too, it would be rude to press on, even though he wants to see mother already.
“Lan Zhan, hm, have you ever seen how Inquiry works?” Finally asks Cangse Sanren.
Lan Zhan nods, he speaks the Inquiry language better than his older brother—though it’s not right to say it aloud, as it would be gloating. He likes Inquiry’s way of communicating: when words are not enough you pinch the chord so the sounds tremble and it gives a bit more, it gets a little bit closer to what he wants to convey. It adds emotions to words. But he doesn’t know how to put his spiritual energy right to summon spirit yet.
Cangse Sanren nods, and then asks, a little uncertain:
“Hum, did your uncle perform an Inquiry for your mother? Did you get to see it?”
A-Zhan frowns, not sure what to say: it’s not Uncle who performed the Inquiry, but he did see the ritual. He saw his mother being a little spirit light and he even got to talk to her. Finally he gets that he won’t be able to avoid talking for this one and he explains:
“Mn. The elders did. I saw mom.”
“Perfect.” Cangse Sanren says with a sad smile.
It’s a strange reaction, At Cloud Recesses, A-Zhan got under the impression that he should not think about this moment a lot. Yet Cangse Sanren points out the jade token again on the table.
“Well, the little ball of light that is your mother, once she finished talking with you, she went to hide in this jade token right here.”
A-Zhan frowns, but looks at the object in front of him again. He dares touch its smooth surface and can feel the warmth of the rock under his finger. There’s definitely something spiritual in there. And it’s true they studied that dead people got to haunt people and objects sometimes. No wonder A-Zhan couldn’t find his mother, if she could do that. He didn’t think of looking in places she couldn’t fit in.
“Inside?” He asks, and Cangse Sanren nods.
Still. Why isn’t she showing up? Will she always stay like that? She will never be able to hug him or A-Huan if she stays that way! Can't' she talk? He studied, and it says spirit can speak. Is she angry at him and isn’t speaking to him because of that? Uncle has been angry at him too—angry and worried—because he waits in front of his mother’s home every month and gets sick each time.
“Mom?” He inquires, and he wonders if it would work better if he used a guqin to talk.
Cangse Sanren shakes her head again though, and puts her hand on the jade token too.
“I’m sorry Lan Zhan, but your mother can’t answer you right now. Hm… you remember how sick she was before dying?”
A-Zhan nods, though he doesn’t like to think about it. Mother always tried to hide it, so he made sure he looked like he believed it. It also made A-Huan worry.
“Well, being sick made your mother very tired, so she is currently resting inside right now. She can probably hear you, but she can’t answer you. She needs to rest.”
A-Zhan supposes it’s logic, he has been very tired too, since he got sick. He can play less with Wei Ying, and at Cloud Recesses he had to interrupt training sessions or classes sometimes because he coughed too much. And Mother had been a lot sicker than he currently is.
“How long?” He asks Cangse Sanren.
Again the woman looks embarrassed and struggling with her words:
“Do you know about the crowning ceremony? The one you get when you turn 20? Well, she probably needs to rest until you’re crowned.”
A-Zhan frowns, that’s a very, very long time. Can’t they find a spirit doctor so she can heal faster? And to get her out so she can not be just a bubble of light? However the thought is quickly chased away from his brain. Lan sect rules say he has to be kind with others. That he should not want too much and be impatient. It’s not right to think that way, if Mother needs to rest then he should let her have as long as she requires.
It hurts though. He misses her.
“Letters?” He asks.
“Oh yes letters, she wrote a lot of letters so you can wait and not miss her too much while she rests. You’ll receive more in the future, but that doesn’t mean she woke up, okay? She just wrote it beforehand. We decided to make it a game with your mother, you’ll receive letters in the future, they will appear out of nowhere for you and your brother like… hide and seek, but with letters?”
A-Zhan is not sure he is following, but Cangse Sanren is a lot like her son and continues babbling without leaving A-Zhan the time to process or interrupt.
“Anyways that’ll be our little secret, okay? You can talk about it to Lan Yuan and Lan Juan if you have questions about it because they’re playing too, but no one else.”
A-Zhan nods, because he is used to Mother playing strange games he doesn’t get. Besides no one else should read Mother’s letters, it’s addressed to A-Huan and him. There’s a rule about valuing privacy. He looks at the jade token and caresses it again, hoping Mother feels it. He wonders if it’s why Wei Changze knew what Mother looked like, and how he managed to paint her so well. He is a cultivator, he can probably see her spirit better than Lan Zhan can now.
He will have to become a better cultivator so he can see her too.
“I’m sorry Lan Zhan, I cannot let you take the token with you back home, I need to make sure she rests well inside it.”
A-Zhan gets that, at home, haunted objects are purified, suppressed or destroyed, it’s the rule. A spirit cannot be allowed to remain. Cangse Sanren offers though:
“But if you or Lan Huan ever need to come and talk to her, just tell me. I carry her all the time. So you just have to ask. I’m sure she will be happy to hear about you. It will help her have sweet dreams.”
A-Zhan nods again, and then since he has the authorization, he asks:
“Can I?”
Cangse Sanren smiles and pats his head, this time he lets her do, the contact not bothering him this much. He has his mother. She is close, he can feel her buzzing under his finger, inside the jade token. He doesn’t notice when Cangse Sanren leaves the room, the boy is too focused on telling his mother about A-Huan’s friend at Cloud Recesses and his rabbits, what Wei Ying did this morning…
***
Cangse Sanren however lets out a heavy sigh as soon as she gets out of the child’s sight. She feels a little bit guilty about her oversimplification of the situation, but she didn’t know what else to do! By the time Lan Zhan will grow up, he will understand the situation better and then she will be able to ask him what he wants to do with his mother’s spirit and memories. But for now he is too young to make such a decision and she didn’t want him to grieve when he might not have to.
“Mommy!”
A-Ying runs to her and offers her a big smile.
“Are you done resting? Can Lan Zhan come and play with us again?”
“You’re done showing Lotus Pier to your cousin?”
“Yes! A-Li and Wen Qing decided to have a sleepover with her in her room tonight! She is great… But she likes dogs and A-Cheng went to show her his dogs.”
Ah, that explains why the boy is not with the rest of them.
“That’s great! So, you like her?”
“Yes! I like her. She is pretty! But I want to play with Lan Zhan now!”
“Lan Zhan is a bit busy right now, he will join us when he is done. In the meantime, why don’t we go and play with A-Ning?”
Fortunately A-Ying is not a troublesome child and the idea of playing with his surrogate little brother is enough to make him happy.
***
Despite how she feels regarding her little lie, it does a lot of good to Lan Zhan. In the following days he stops looking around Lotus Pier, finally enjoying his time with his friends.
The adults who supervised him when he arrived are obviously relieved to see him getting better everyday.
Lan Zhan’s health is slowly returning to normal. It may and may not be because Wen Qing took the matter into her hands. Lan Zhan being the diligent kid he is, never protests when she asks him to take a pill or makes him drink bitter medicinal tea. Though Wei Ying protests for the both of them, often accusing the girl of poisoning his friend. A-Cheng insists his adopted brother is right because why else would Lan Zhan be napping with A-Ning everyday? He is too old to nap! The bickering often ends up in a small duel where they have to kill the evil taoist Wen Qing. They even built a box to seal her away and wrote “horny jail” on it (because evil beings have horns, they explained to their laughing parents). Unfortunately they never managed to trap her inside it. Lan Zhan however thought it was a perfectly good spot to sit and wait for the battle to end. It always ends the same: A-Cheng and A-Ying never win this fight and the evil Wen Qing prevails. Lan Zhan takes his medicine and goes to nap everyday.
Cangse Sanren, too used to having to handle over excited children does worry a bit about Lan Zhan napping so often, but the boy just got out of a very long cold and he seems exhausted every time he has to deal with more than three people at the same time during conversation. So she indulges him, and Wei Changze even starts bringing the warm milk to Wen Ning and Lan Zhan before their napping time. The first time he did, the boy looked up, very confused and asked with the most saddest voice if truly, he was allowed to have that.
“Next time I see Lan Qiren, I'll shave his goatee again,” Cangse Sanren promises after witnessing this scene.
Yu Ziyuan smirks, and says: “I don’t think Lan Qiren is to blame, but the whole Lan sect.”
“Then you’ll just have to shave every head in the Lan sect.” Concludes Wei Changze, returning from the room on tiptoes.
“Since you’re banned from Cloud Recesses, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait for Wei Wuxian to grow up and do your revenge for you.” Suggests Jiang Fengmian.
“I will raise him well, I’m a patient one.” Cangse Sanren says—which makes Yu Ziyuan snort very, very loudly.
She ignores her sworn sister’s mockery and continues:
“In the meantime, I’m writing a manual about how to raise a child for Lan Qiren.”
“Because obviously you’re an expert.” Comments Yu Ziyuan.
“Well, I think I’m more of an expert than he is!”
“I’m not sure he will think of it that way.” Points out Jiang Fengmian. “After all he is a teacher. And he did raise Lan Huan and Lan Zhan alone.”
“Teaching is not parenting!” Insists Cangse Sanren. “And look at the fine job he did, look at this baby, Fengmian, he has anxiety!”
“I’m not sure I would call it anxiety.” Comments Jiang Fengmian.
“Well, you can certainly write observations about what makes Lan Zhan happy here. It will sound less offensive and kinder. If he reads it or not, and follows your advice, it’s ultimately his decision.” Concludes Wei Changze.
By the second week, Lan Zhan is cured and had developed a routine with the help of Meng Shi. He raises up a little bit later than Lan sect members, but still very early. Very carefully he slips out of bed without waking anyone in the Wei’s quarter and goes to Meng Shi and Sisi’s room, finding Meng Yao already there most of the time. Meng Shi then gives him private tutoring until the hour is decent. Then he wakes up Wen Ning, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli, who bring him to the kitchen where he helps make breakfast. The two of them seem to have developed a strange bond over the course of the few days. Wei Ying says it’s the magic of Jiang Yanli’s soup. But the truth might be that Lan Zhan is a silent companion everytime Jiang Yanli cooks or sews, an activity that bores her two other brothers, so she can focus more on her work with him. He is less friendly with Wen Qing, but since he is a napping buddy with A-Ning the girl automatically dotes on him too. The proof is that she always adds honey to the bitter healthy tea she gives him for his cold. After breakfast, the boy plays with A-Ying, A-Cheng and A-Ning, until it is time for training. The boys do love to fake duels when they have spare time, and so far, he has given them good matches.
It oftens ends up with them hurting each other though because they do not know how to go easy on each other yet or when to stop. More than once, they had to stop training to mend bruised fingers.
Despite that, Yu Ziyuan is very pleased with the kid’s level, as it forces the disciples of the same age to get better. Jiang Fengmian is also relieved, as the Lan second young master catches on quickly despite the big differences between their sects’ ways. He is not lagging behind the others, not even in the archery training. More often than not, Lan Zhan gets tired by lunchtime, and he starts to get annoyed by people talking to him or touching him. He is not fussy, as he is too polite to act that way, but he is definitely not happy. So it is time for him to part. Which is good: afternoons are time for academic lessons. Meng Shi covers what she already worked with Lan Zhan in the morning with the disciples, allowing the boy to get two hours of nap with Wen Ning. Sometimes they sleep in the Wei's quarter, petting the cat and the bunnies before going to bed. Cangse Sanren stays nearby, working on the wedding preparations or her inventions (nothing explosive though, it is a rule that such experiments are only allowed in her workshop), or even the children manual. Once or twice the boy has snuck out a bit earlier from the room and asked to have the jade token to talk to. Of course she let him have it.
One time, Lan Zhan, still half-asleep, walked out of the room, dragging his blanket and both A-Ning and the cat still sleeping on it, like they weighed nothing. Cangse Sanren, who had been busy talking with Madam Yu over the wedding preparations, had asked the Lan second young master if he needed anything. Strangely, Lan Zhan hadn’t requested to talk to his mother, and instead crawled on Yu Ziyuan’s lap to resume his nap there. Cangse Sanren has been completely torn between joy (that was so cute!!) and jealousy (why not on her lap!?) while Yu Ziyuan went completely still. In the end she took A-Ning on her arms and the two ladies continued their conversations as if nothing happened… It’s impossible to say if Lan Zhan had been embarrassed when he woke up, given his emotional expression range. He acted very much like a cat and went back to his routine without ever mentioning the incident ever again. But again, it’s not like the boy is a chatterbox in the first place.
Usually when the two boys are done napping, they join the kids group again, refreshed and happy. They study a little bit whatever the program is, then end up the day with cultivation training and meditation under Wei Changze’s supervision. Then it’s time for their own private lessons, Wen Qing under the Jiang healer, Jiang Yanli with Cangse Sanren, Meng Yao with Wei Changze, Yu Ziyuan with Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Fengmian with Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning. The hours before dinner, they play in the courtyard or in their room, together. Right after eating their meal, they get a bath. It's way easier to make A-Ying clean up since Lan Zhan is here, but the place often gets trashed, as they do water fights. Meng Yao teased Wei Ying a bit, as apparently, despite all the baths they took together, he did not make Lan Zhan his “pee-brother” yet.
“I just say there’s blatant favoritism, and I’m very hurt,” he said to A-Ying, obviously not very hurt at all.
“I said that to him too, but he won’t listen!” Added Jiang Cheng, agreeing wholeheartedly.
“No—I like you Yao-bro, but if I pee on Lan Zhan he will hate me!!”
“You didn’t think about my feelings before you peed on me, though…”
“It’s because I know you’re fine with it!”
Meng Yao wondered how the boy came to this stupid conclusion and got the perfect example when Jiang Cheng sudenly stated:
“We should pee on Jin Zixuan.”
“Ew, why?!”
“Because he would hate it! Maybe he would cry!” Explained Jiang Cheng.
“Mommy said good troublemakers don’t make people cry.” Protests Wei Wuxian. “And I don’t want to be pee-brother’s with Zixuan.”
“Urgh..You’re right.” Conceded Jiang Cheng.
“Yao-bro and A-Ning are our only pee-brothers.” Concluded A-Ying, overly proud of this fact.
Meng Yao did not tear up, but if his lips trembled a bit, only Wei Changze noticed it.
The kids’ days always end the same: At 9PM the boys start their “sleepover'' going to bed obediently all by themselves (The first time Yu Ziyuan thought they were possessed). Lan Zhan is the only one who falls asleep fast though, and more than once Wei Changze has to enter the room and tell the rest of them to stop playing and start sleeping by 11PM. Sometimes they still don't listen to him and he has to go fetch Madam Yu. She then counts to three with her “very angry voice” and kids obey by the time she is at two. Wei Changze tried that method too but it didn’t work as well so now he doesn’t even try and leaves that duty to Yu Ziyuan.
Honestly Cangse Sanren thinks she could get used to this routine.
Mo Wanrong also fits in quite nicely. She has a little bit of trouble, of course, as her martial brothers and sisters are all following advanced classes when she is stuck at the beginner lessons, but since the Jiang Sect has started to spread recruitment manuals, she is not the only one who is learning the cultivation late. Some students are even old men and women! So she doesn’t feel too singled out. She isn’t scared of Yinzhu and Jinzhu at all either, even started calling them Teachers. The twin maids are very pleased with that. Sisi is sharing her class too, all too happy to spend time with her new found niece. However the girl is definitely struggling to feel any spiritual energy, even with the help of the enchanted robe Jiang Yanli sewed her and with Meng Yao’s advice and her teachers’ supervision. After three weeks it becomes obvious that she will be a very weak cultivator if she manages to even become one.
It is always like this, you know how much potential one has to become a cultivator by how long it takes for them to feel their qi. One that struggles will obviously have much more trouble turning it into spiritual energy, then building a core, as they would need to gather the energy in one point below their navel for years, having to make the action as automatic as breathing. Over the months since they started teaching late “bloomers” as they like to call them, they realized that many thoughts about late cultivation are wrong. Some people do have the talent and could be as good as any cultivator despite their late arrival—never as good as a gifted cultivator who started young and worked well, but sometimes as good as talented cultivator who didn’t polish their skills as seriously as they should. No, the main problem older people met when they started cultivation was… Adulthood. Most cultivators in the sects started lessons young: they built up their entire life, habits and routine around training. Of course people who started late had other ways to live, they had to relearn a new way to move, walk, breath and to live completely. In addition most of them had work to do to be able to eat and couldn’t afford to give training the time they needed to close the gap between their seniors. It’s a vicious circle that very few dedicated persons can afford without exterior help. Fortunately the Jiang Sect can do that and allows the few that show skills to quit their job and give them this opportunity.
Though, if given the choice, Jiang Fengmian would not do that with Mo Wanrong: not because he doesn’t like her—she is, after all, his best friend’s niece. But because she doesn’t show any abilities.
“At least in the Jiang style,” observes Jiang Fengmian, after another hour trying to make the girls feel just a bit of spiritual energy. “Or maybe a path that doesn’t require a formed golden core or feeling your own spiritual energy. She can feel exterior spiritual energy quite well. And she is showing interest with divination lectures…”
“I think some Nie sect women made names as fortune tellers.” says Wei Changze.
Jiang Fengmian pulls a face, his right hand man is right, of course, but since they witnessed Liu Hua’s memory he would rather keep all his disciples in his sect. He doesn’t trust the Nie so much, not after hearing they actively took part in the Xue clan’s slaughter. It’s unfair of him to act that way, as he is certain the current Sect Leader has nothing to do with it—he got into power the same year Jiang Fengmian went to Cloud Recesses. But still, he can’t help but be wary of every sect now. How many secrets do they all hide still? He knows he can’t keep acting that way though: at one point he will have to trust some people again, he wants to believe in others again. And politics requires that he works with the other great sects, whether he likes it or not.
When he admits his moral dilemma to his best friend, Wei Changze tells him:
“I know it’s hard, but now you know the Nie and the Lan sects’ worst flaws, it gives you the advantage, you won’t be taken by surprise and you can plan accordingly. It doesn't mean you can’t appreciate them: Madam Yu has many flaws but you still love her. You just learned to work around it and even use her strength when you lack some.”
His words, as always, make Jiang Fengmian feel better and at peace.
The big surprise though, is how little Mo Wanrong gets along with her cousin Wei Ying. On top of liking dogs a lot, she always backs down when the younger boy proposes doing a prank. Madam Yu says it’s good to finally have one less troublemaker in this house, and she is probably right. But Wei Changze and Sisi think their niece’s behavior has more to do with her fear of being caught causing trouble than her not wanting to. After all, from what they gathered, her situation in the Mo manor is complicated. She often gets letters from her parents and there’s no doubt she is well loved but… Well Wei Changze suspects it’s difficult to be seen as more than a servant’s daughter and bastard. At least in Lotus Pier, she is not the only bastard and definitely not the one with the worst social standing. Between orphans, bastards, out of wedlock offspring, sons of prostitutes and ex-prostitutes… They’re lucky all their disciples understand that tolerance and respect is expected of them. Though there are still some accidents every now and then, Jiang Fengmian firmly believes it’s because of clumsiness rather than ill intent.
Still for all these reasons, Wei Changze is not surprised to see Mo Wanrong befriend Meng Yao and Wen Qing rather than Jiang Yanli, despite how kind and likeable, and more in common the two have. It’s just that Jiang Yanli has the protection of her blood, she can like cooking and sewing without worrying much about people talking. If Mo Wanrong did participate in such activities, people would immediately see her actions as normal for a servant’s kid. And the girl has some pride: she is not just a servant’s kid, she is the Second Lady Mo, she doesn’t want people to think of her that way. Meng Yao and Wen Qing understand well her fear to be seen as less than she is worth. More than Jiang Yanli can at the very least.
Just like that, days go by very fast and before they notice it, the Lantern festival is right around the corner.
Since each of them want to do different things during the festival, they all agree to split in the town and meet up again before lighting their lanterns. Wei Changze, Cangse Sanren, Wei Ying, Lan Zhan, Mo Wanrong decide to go to Yunping, to see the festivities in the city rather than in Lotus Pier. Granny (and a few other Wen from the Dafan mountains) came to visit and so Wen Ning and Wen Qing wish to stay on the sect ground to spend time with their family… While Jiang Fengmian, Madam Yu, Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli have plans to go to their usual shopping walk through Lotus Pier…
Cangse Sanren half expects Meng Shi, Sisi and Meng Yao to spend their time together as family too… Except that Meng Yao suddenly states he will go with the Wei instead and leaves his two mothers alone. She looks at the two figures, as Sisi readjusts Meng Shi’s coat, making sure it will keep her warm, and thinks that’s probably for the best.
Notes:
Of course Jiang Yanli isn’t as free as Wei Changze could think, she is a lady of a certain standing and so cooking and sewing could be seen as beneath her. Much like Yu Ziyuan reproches her in canon. In this AU, though, Yu Ziyuan’s character development makes sure she does not scold her daughter for loving doing such things (partly since it’s part of the cultivation path JYL is developing). Coupled with the fact that in Lotus Pier, servants aren’t seen the same way as the rest of the word (due to Jiang Fengmian’s opinion on servants and Yu Ziyuan’s twin maids) let’s say that Lotus Pier is a very good place to live in currently. Wei Changze’s opinions are better than before but he is still biased (To be fair, JFM would probably think all is well for Mo Wanrong and he would be wrong too).
Also if you like he Panda-Aunt and the panda side of the family joke, you’ll have to thanks chicalatina449, her comment was so funny I asked her the permission to add it into the main story =)
If you like Lan Zhan sleeping on Madam Yu’s laps, then you have to thank Shiver_Mint, their comment was too cute I had to add it UU I hope you enjoyed the chapter =D See you on friday for a new one...And there will be some kisses in this one *evil laugh*Also we discussed with nashapixie about crowning. In CQL they wear a guan, from my researches it seems to bethe same thing as crown (which are what they receive during the crowning ceremony when they turn 20)...but again I am not chinese, if i'm wrong, please feel free to correct me, i will be happy to learn ^^
Chapter 102: Good night kisses
Notes:
Hello Hello everyone ! I hope you all had a nice week and you're all ready for week-end (I know I am. They said it would SNOW and I'm READY.)
Without further ado I give you my current favorite chapter ;). I hope you'll like it !
As alway sit is beta-read and edited by the talented Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The Lantern festival goes especially smooth. They all spend a great time on their own, only to be even happier when they reunite.
They've celebrated this festival together for almost three years now, and Jiang Fengmian still can’t believe in his luck. He watches Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren light up the kids’ lanterns and help them send them flying with a smile. The children look at the dozen lanterns rising to the sky with starry eyes. Jiang Yanli glued the lanterns for everyone and they all painted together. There’s a small contest about whose lantern will go the farthest, and so all the kids try to run after their creations for as long as they can, while the adults watch over them, supervising from a safe distance.
Jiang Fengmian always loved taking walks, it has always been a way for him to gather his thoughts and find peace. Now surrounded by laughter, one can barely do that, but he treasures it all the same. Maybe even more.
It’s a simple joy, one that Jiang Fengmian almost forgot. He is glad that his family is making him remember how beautiful it can be.
Eventually, the children have to stop running after their lanterns, losing sight of them. Jiang Fengmian takes A-Cheng on his shoulders and Yu Ziyuan carries A-Li in her arms as they return to Lotus Pier, where a big banquet is waiting for them. Of course the children who went with the Wei already ate a lot of candies at the stand and are currently on a sugar high. Yu Ziyuan doesn’t even complain about that, that’s the best proof of her good mood.
The Lan sect is mostly vegetarian and teaches their disciples not to be picky with their food or waste any. So the kids developed a habit, when Lan Zhan gets meat he can put it on another’s kids plate. When the kids don't like their vegetables, they can give it to Lan Zhan. It would be all right if Wei Wuxian didn’t decide that it would be tons of fun to do this exchange behind Lan Zhan’s back and poor Lan Zhan is spending half of his time looking at his bowl getting fuller and fuller without being able to say who did it.
Sugar high gives a temporary boost to Lan Zhan too and when usually he is already yawning before the end of diner, tonight he raises to his feet and follows the other kids to the courtyard with no strain at all.
Yinzhu and Jinzhu offer to supervise the children in the courtyard, and the other adults take the opportunity to talk about the upcoming wedding preparations one last time. Especially their current unsolved problem:
"What about Madam Jin? Will she be at the wedding? Did you manage to convince her to come despite Meng Yao’s presence?" Asks Wei Changze, enjoying his hot tea.
Cangse Sanren snorts and declares, a little bit drunk as she did not drink only tea with Fengmian, " Well if she is not, we can dress Meng Yao as a girl and make him pass as my long lost niece, no one will notice one more to the count!"
Jiang Fengmian hums, almost convinced by the plan. It’s actually a good plan, Meng Yao looks girly enough for that, when he stands near Mo Wanrong, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli, one could think they are all girls. When the boy first arrived he looked skinny and he overtrained his body, hindering his growth. Now after two years among them, his cheeks are plump and while he did build some muscles, it is just enough for his size and weight.
Yu Ziyuan sighs, annoyed. She has been sending letters to her sworn sister for weeks now, trying her hardest to not hurt her friend’s feelings while still saying to her she is being overly stubborn. Sometimes friendship is hard.
"You might have to resort to that, she is not happy with the idea at all. But she also wants to see you be wed. "
“I would rather have you not crossdress my son,” Informs Meng Shi gently.
"Well if she doesn’t want to stand Meng Yao’s presence, then it’s her who is not welcomed," states Cangse Sanren. "Sorry but not sorry. He is family! And she is not, she refused to be my sworn sister when she got the occasion, it’s too late now!"
Meng Shi smiles behind her sleeve. While she is grateful Madam Jin got them out of the brothel, she doesn’t want her son to be excluded from his mentor’s wedding.
"Well technically, we’re not family," points out Sisi, embarrassed to be the bringer of bad news.
Meng Yao is Meng Shi’s son, a Jiang sect disciple among many. Despite Wei Changze acting like he is his ward, there’s no official bond between them. And while Sisi is close to Meng Shi and is called A-Yao’s second mother, that does not count to society’s eyes.
"Urgh, why don’t you just marry Meng Shi, that way you can be my sister-in-law for real and it’ll all be solved! " Cangse Sanren complains.
Sisi hiccups and looks at Meng Shi in fear. Yet the woman does not move at all or show any emotion, taking a sip of her tea too.
“I’m not—we’re not—” She protests, because being outed like that is never a pleasure.
“Please,” comments Cangse Sanren, not fooled. “You’re acting like Changze used to, it’s very perturbing!”
“I didn’t notice,” assures Jiang Fengmian to Sisi, to comfort her.
“You didn’t notice when Changze did either!” Points out Cangse Sanren.
Wei Changze unfortunately has to nod and confirm his wife’s statement. Still, he has to stop her from being so rude:
“Cangse, it is their business, not yours. You’re making Sisi uncomfortable."
Yu Ziyuan definitely agrees on that. Sisi is shrinking in her place, like a flower who had been deprived from water for too long. She sends Meng Shi a scared glance, as if she expects to be rejected any moment now, and for a moment, she pities the woman. On the other hand, it’s not like her crush for Meng Shi was a secret, everyone in the sect has been aware of it—minus Jiang Fengmian, apparently. She loves her husband but damn he could be oblivious.
“Admit it, already, everyone knows. Obviously if Meng Shi minded your crush, she would have shown it to you by now.” She states, bluntly.
Sisi yelps and now sends a confused glance at Meng Shi. Who simply shrugs it:
“I do know.” Is all she says, and lets everyone draw their own conclusions.
Sisi obviously concludes she has been politely rejected. Cangse Sanren definitely thinks this means acceptance and continues her drunk rambling:
"Then you should marry!! That would be so fun, so many disciples would be heartbroken because they all have a crush on one of you! And you’d make TONS of money winning the bet! "
She laughs, falls and decides to roll on the floor, very amused over her idea while everyone shakes their head.
"Marriage between women doesn’t exist, " reminds Wei Changze to his wife.
“Outside world is so stupid.” mumbles Cangse Sanren at that and takes a bottle of alcohol to forget what has just been said, again. “What are Nie Mingjue’s two mamas then?”
“They are sisters in marriage, official wife and concubine,” explains Jiang Fengmian.
“It sucks. What’s the point of being sect leader and having all this power if you cannot abolish stupid rules like this one? Fengmian: make people marry!”
“Even if I did, their marriage would only be accepted in Yumneng—” Protests Jiang Fengmian.
Yu Ziyuan frowns and turns to Sisi and Meng Shi:
“You can always dual cultivate, who knows maybe that would help you develop your core better than what we tried until no— ” She stops and looks at Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren, who are shaking their head from left to right like she is saying something forbidden.
Wei Changze raises an eyebrow at her, and candidly asks:
“You think that would work better than the cultivation path we’re teaching them already?”
She suddenly remembers that the poor man thinks dual cultivation is a legitimate cultivation path between best friends and almost loses it. Fortunately Jiang Fengmian saves her from stuttering by taking over the conversation:
"Actually, the sworn sisterhood could be a good idea."
“Oh yeah! Let’s make Sisi and Meng Shi be sworn sisters! Then she will be one another’s family and since Sisi is family to my husband she is family to me and everything is solved!” She giggles and adds, joyfully: “The family will get even bigger! We’re gonna have the biggest family of all the cultivation world! Take that orphanhood!”
Sisi opens her mouth, offended. She doesn’t want to be Meng Shi’s sister! She yearns for so much more… But Meng Shi obviously does not want that, otherwise she would have done something the moment she learned about Sisi’s crush, right? So if this is all she can have and the only way to be with Meng Shi, the only way Meng Shi accepts her in her life, then she—no! She is worth more than this! She stops herself from going that way. She doesn’t have time to think much farther though, as Yu Ziyuan scowls and states, offended:
"Don’t you dare use sisterhood like this!"
"Incest runs in the family, my uncle will marry my sister-in-law, since my sister-in-law scared him to death, not the first one, this one " replies Cangse Sanren, pointing Sisi.
Wei Changze winces and states that this is it, it’s time for Cangse Sanren to go to bed. She is spouting too much nonsense. He takes her in his arms and she wraps herself around him almost purring. Or burping, it’s hard to say, she is very drunk.
“Sorry about that,” Wei Changze apologizes on her behalf to his sister. Sisi doesn’t untense but nods to show she heard the apology.
Jiang Fengmian is relieved to see Cangse Sanren gone, they all think this topic is dealt with until Meng Shi carefully puts down her tea cup.
"We should hold a sworn sister ceremony."
Sisi’s heart skips a beat. Yu Ziyuan growls and she is about to protest and defends the ceremony again, when Meng Shi interrupts: "Not between me and Sisi, but me and Cangse Sanren. "
There’s a round of silence. Actually, that would be a good idea. Yu Ziyuan cannot pledge such a vow without hurting her friend, Madam Jin’s feelings. It would be a huge betrayal. But Cangse Sanren can. She is impulsive enough and Madam Jin knows that. And by doing so, Meng Yao would be officially her and Wei Changze’s nephew. His place would be secured at the ceremony. And so would be Meng Shi’s. That’s very smart and Jiang Fengmian wonders why he did not think of that sooner. It solves everything!
Sisi lets out a tiny sigh, not knowing if she is relieved not to be seen as Meng Shi’s sister, or disappointed she hasn’t been chosen by her best friend over Cangse Sanren. Unsure of herself, she hides her emotions by taking a sip of her cup of tea behind her sleeve, carefully building up her mask again.
"Nooo! I want a marriage! You bothered me for a marriage now it’s your turn!! My master married a Lan lady, I’m sure we can make it happen here too, fuck the rules!'' Boos Cangse Sanren in the back, apparently not far enough to not overhear the solution Meng Shi came up with.
"It’s perfect, I’m sure she will agree once she is sober again," says Wei Changze, loud and clear.
“I agree! I agree!” Immediately confirms Cangse Sanren, then they hear a giggle. “Soon, I’m gonna have as many sisters as you have Changze! Like all I need is another one and then one brother. Then we will be even! Even by being the biggest family ever! Where do you think there’s brothers for sale? I need to find one—”
Meng Shi nods with a tiny smile.
"Well, if this matter is settled, excuse me, I will be back with the money needed for the ceremony.”
“I can pay—” Offers Jiang Fengmian.
“No, the goal is to not offend Madam Jin right? I will hold a ceremony in Lotus Pier, without you, and our Madam as a witness, so you can say it has been done without your agreement and behind your back—”
Yu Ziyuan scoffs:
“I’m not lying to my friend like this, don’t worry about it. She values sisterhood, she will understand that you got close and wanted to make it official. If she does not, I can work on that argument.”
That she was sure of it, it’s an easier subject for her than forgiveness and letting go of anger. However, Sisi might not think that way, because after such a terrible conversation she rushes out of the room.
It suddenly occurs to Jiang Fengmian that it might have been awful to witness such a conversation for her. He remembers feeling that way the day his parents declared he would marry Yu Ziyuan, without even asking for his opinion about it. He is about to raise to his feet to go and speak to her when Meng Shi politely bows:
“Excuse me, I will go to talk to her, it seems she came to the wrong conclusions all on her own.”
And just like that, she leaves the room.
***
A little bit away, in the Lotus Pier main courtyard, A-Ying is in a dire predicament. In fucking trouble as his mother would say.
“I misplaced Lan Zhan!”
Jiang Yanli looks at him, ever so patient and kind, a sympathetic expression on her face. Jiang Cheng however, rages:
“How can you misplace a person?!”
A-Ying hums, confused about it too, it’s just that one moment he had Lan Zhan near him, holding his hand, then something happened and when he turned around Lan Zhan wasn’t there anymore!
“Where do you put it last?” Asks Meng Yao without looking at the boy.
He is playing weiqi with Wen Qing, the girl has received the new board game from her cousin earlier today. She had wanted to use it since then. Meng Yao of course had been eager to test it, but they had to wait until after dinner. He is so focused on the game that he hadn’t even realized they were talking about the Lan second young master, giving the advice by reflex. Wei Wuxian loses a lot of things daily.
Wanrong eyes her cousin, suddenly worried. She hadn’t known him for long but she is pretty sure he has his mother’s scatterbrain, which means he probably has already forgotten what they ate at dinner, despite the fact that it was only half an hour ago. She doubts he will recall where he left Lan Zhan. Actually, when asked, Wei Wuxian can’t even remember what distracted him long enough so he took his hand off his best friend.
“It’s past 9pm he must be sleeping somewhere...” States Wen Qing, adjusting her own sleeping brother against her chest. “Sugar high’s can’t last forever.”
“What, who is sleeping where?” Meng Yao asks, suddenly realizing the problem they're all speaking about.
Wen Qing doesn’t answer, her eyes narrow on the board game, analyzing Meng Yao’s move.
“You lost.” Analyzes Jiang Cheng above her shoulder.
“I do not, this is an avoidance strategy.”
“That’s what happens before you lose!”
“What if she moves here?” States A-Ying, pointing to a place on the board that indeed, would help Wen Qing turn the tides.
“A-Xian, focus on the problem at hand,” Jiang Yanli reminds him. “Lan Zhan. where did you see him last?”
“Hm…”
Meng Yao is not sure it’s the best approach to find Lan Zhan.
“Let’s ask Yinzhu and Jinzhu if they saw him, it will be faster.”
The problem with Jinzhu and Yinzhu is that they usually hide in the shadows, only stepping out of it to prevent the children from doing something stupid or dangerous (or to take them to lesson, bath, or bed). Meng Yao has no idea where they were. The good news is that, if the twin maids aren’t there, it means Lan Zhan is certainly okay. The bad news is that they will have to find him themselves. A-Cheng guesses that first and groans.
“I‘m getting my dogs look for him—”
“No!” Whines Wei Wuxian immediately.
As if he has been pursued by the dogs already, he starts looking everywhere. It takes him approximately three minutes before he runs back to them with the biggest grin on his face. Then he somehow manages to take everyone’s hand in his and drag them away.
“Did you find him?” Asks Jiang Yanli.
Wei Wuxian doesn’t have to answer, because Lan Zhan is sitting right in front of them, half hidden behind the bush, obviously fighting to remain awake. He has Wufa on his lap, he probably pursued the cat to pet it in his sugar high state. He yawns and rubs the corner of his eyes, but when he sees them he puts a finger in front of his lips and hushes. At first they think it’s to not wake up the cat but then—
“Everyone hide!” order Wei Wuxian, managing to whisper and shout at the same time.
They obey him, too used to his antics even though they don’t know yet why. It doesn’t take long for everyone to understand: Meng Shi and Sisi are standing on the terrace a little bit farther. They are too far away to hear what Meng Shi and Sisi are currently saying, especially when the two of them are whispering most of the time. Both are very close to one another and Meng Yao notices the way his mothers’ bodies move, like they did back then at the brothel when they were courting.
Oh crap!
Carefully, he walks back and manages to get away. And brings Wanrong with him. He really doesn’t want to know what’s happening between the two of them and he guesses she wouldn’t want to know either. Sisi is also her aunt after all. But they are the only ones.
Jiang Yanli is holding her breath with both hands on her mouth, eyes full of stars. Wen Qing doesn’t want to admit it but she is also interested and uses A-Ning, who is slowly waking up in her arms, as an excuse to stay. Jiang Cheng curiously wonders why he has to spy on the other women, while Wei Wuxian is ecstatic and almost shaking Lan Zhan (the poor boy blinks a few times, obviously about to fall asleep).
Suddenly Meng Shi’s voice rings in the night, loud and clear, maybe a little bit offended.
“Do you think I don’t love A-Yao?”
Sisi frowns, the very statement absurd and shakes her head as she protests, also loud.
“Of course not!”
“Why? If I follow your logic, I should not. I used him. The very reason he was born was part of my plan to get out of the brothel. Hence I cannot love him.”
“That’s not the same,”
They resume whispering, and the kids groan in frustration, unable to hear the rest.
“What are they hiding!!” Wei Wuxian whispers, as if he is about to enfold the biggest secret of the universe.
“It has to be very important because no one ever goes there during winter!” States Jiang Cheng.
“Are they gonna smooch?” Asks A-Ning, rubbing his eyes, surprising everyone by his good reading of the atmosphere.
“Where did you learn that word?” Wen Qing frowns.
“I hope they’re going to!” Squeals Jiang Yanli, suddenly very enthusiastic.
“If they smooch I’m out of here,” warns Jiang Cheng, not amused. He is here for a super secret, not for boring love shenanigans.
“They can’t smooch, they’re both girls,” comments Wei Ying.
“It doesn’t matter, what matters is that they love each other!” Explains Jiang Yanli.
“And consent,” adds Wen Qing.
“Like best friends?” Wonders Wei Wuxian.
“More than best friends!” Insists Jiang Yanli.
“Or not, my mother used to say your lover is your best friend too,” tells Wen Qing.
“I don’t want to smooch my best friend,” Jiang Cheng states, stubborn.
Yet Wei Ying hums in fake understanding at the girls’ explanation. Meng Shi and Sisi chose this exact moment to actually kiss. Jiang Cheng raises to his feet and declares, bored:
“I’m out of here.”
But Wei Wuxian grips his arms and forces him to remain by their side. He grumbles as all the other kids are watching the two women kiss for a long, long time. When they part, out of breath, and exchange a timid smile, A-Ning looks up to his sister and inquires:
“Are they going to make brother Yao a little sister or brother?”
Jiang Yanli lets out a delighted squeal:
“I hope so!! How great would it be, to have another little sibling to dote on!”
Wen Qing lets her best friend be all happy, but promises mentally to show her little brother the chapter about reproduction, and especially how babies are made, next time they study medicine.
“I want brother Yao to have a little brother,” states A-Ning.
“Do you want him to have a little brother, or do you want a little brother, A-Ning?” kindly asks Jiang Yanli.
A-Ning has the decency to think about it, before he replies:
“B-Both?”
Jiang Cheng thinks that if kisses give him little brothers, then it might not be so bad. Though they better be careful not to kiss so often, Lotus Pier is getting full lately, they can’t have that many more siblings. Kisses are still fairly gross, and seeing Meng Shi and Sisi kiss a second time secures his opinion on it. However Wei Wuxian looks engrossed by the view, he watches the whole show with a focus he rarely has. It’s weird, Jiang Cheng thinks, why would he? His father and mother kiss all the time, and in front of everyone, he should be used to the view (Maybe that’s why since they arrived and started kissing everywhere, Jiang Cheng got more and more siblings…It’s all their fault!).
Then Wei Wuxian looks at him with an expectant look and Jiang Cheng has to fight a shiver.
“I’m not kissing you!” He declares.
Lan Zhan suddenly glares at him and Jiang Cheng fears he might want a kiss too. The madman!
“But I want to try!” Wei Wuxian protests. “And we’re more than friends, right? We’re brothers!”
“We’re just cousins and I’m not kissing you!!” Jiang Cheng shouts, and runs away before any other nonsense gets to his stupid brother’s head.
Jiang Yanli giggles at the whole scene and turns to Wei Wuxian, though Wen Qing is faster than her to explain the problem:
“You can’t kiss Jiang Cheng, it would be incest.”
“Fine I don’t want to kiss him anyways,” pouts the boy. “I just wanted to try to know what it felt like.”
“I can kiss you!” Offers A-Ning.
If a stare could kill, Wei Wuxian would be dead right now: murdered by Wen Qing. And A-Ning by Lan Zhan. Fortunately Wei Wuxian politely refuses and hugs Wen Ning instead.
“You’re my brother too, I can’t do that, it would be incest!” He repeats. “But I can hug you!”
And he proceeds doing so, making A-Ning chuckle. Jiang Yanli sighs dreamily:
“I can’t wait to have my first kiss!”
“You’ll have your soon enough, young mistress.”
They all jump when Yinzhu appears behind their back, deadpanned. They wonder briefly since how long she has been there, and then decide to not think about that because it’s weird. She gives one look at Meng Shi and Sisi, the two of them still busy gazing shyly at each other, and then sighs. The kids don’t know, but she just lost a bet and a lot of money. Though she can’t bring herself to be angry at it, it was about time the two of them hooked up. And it will certainly be funny to see all the disciples in love with Sisi and Meng Shi mend their broken hearts, while the other half will try to fix their pierced pockets.
“Now it’s time for you to go to bed. It is late.”
They spot, in the background, Jinzhu carrying Jiang Cheng under one arm and Wanrong under the other, Meng Yao trotting behind her, his eyes on the ground. It seems they have little choice, and if they resist they will end up just like them. Wen Qing laments over her unfinished game with Meng Yao. They try to convince the twin maids to let them sleepover together but the women don’t indulge them. They know by now, that sleepover means staying awake until very late. So they part ways, Wen Ning and Wen Qing going directly to their bedroom, Meng Yao and Wanrong going to the disciples dormitory… But as Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng are about to go to their own quarter, Jiang Yanli stops:
“XianXian!”
She walks to him and gives one kiss on the top of his head. Wei Wuxian touches his forehead, his heart beating faster, a question in his eyes.
“You said family kiss is not okay: it’s incest!”
Though, now that he thinks about it, his mother and father often kiss him the same way, and no one says it's bad. So now he is confused.
“Kisses on the lips are not okay with family, but kisses are to show people they are very special and that you like them.” She smiles brightly at him.
Oh. He grins back, and pulls his sister's sleeve, so she could lower her head. She does with a grin and he gives her a kiss on the top of her head just like she did too then. Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at them, and when Wei Wuxian’s eyes fall on him he takes a defensive pose, to tell him exactly what will happen if he dares try!! Wen qing taught him some moves of self-defense! He can and will punch A-Xian in the nose before his lips reach his skin!
On the way to their bedroom, Wei Wuxian holds the hand of a pouting Lan Zhan. They obediently climb on the bed and get under the blanket, waiting for Wei Changze or Cangse Sanren to come and wish them good night. Though Wei Wuxian is still thinking endlessly about what he witnessed. He never thought two girls could kiss like that. Surely if two girls can, so can two boys. Right? It seems logical and fair. But it’s only for people that are more than friends and the only people that are more than friends around him are family.
Oh. Except Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan is his best friend! And he is no cousin or brother or pee-brother or anything. He had wanted Lan Zhan to be his family before, so they could always live together, but now he is glad he didn’t manage to do it. And now that he thinks about it, Wei Wuxian would love to kiss Lan Zhan too! Hugs with Lan Zhan are the best but he often thinks it’s not tight and warm enough. It doesn’t last long enough either! He sometimes wishes he could never let go of him. Surely a kiss would show the boy they are even more special than best friends. So he turns to Lan Zhan and asks:
“Lan Zhan!”
“Wei Ying,” the boy answers immediately, turning his head in his direction.
“Lan Zhan!” He giggles, already all flustered and happy about his idea.
“Wei Ying,” repeats Lan Zhan, without fail.
“Lan Zhan!”
“Wei Ying.”
He can’t get enough on how Lan Zhan would always, always whisper his name like this, when he always avoids answering others when he can. A-Ying is very glad his friend talks now, of course, but he is even more glad to still be treated differently by him. That’s why they shall definitely kiss! To make it official.
“Can I kiss you?” he whispers to Lan Zhan.
He is surprised by how bubbly he feels while asking, it’s like his whole body wants to smile.
“Mn.” The boy nods.
He can’t see Lan Zhan’s expression well in the darkness, nor can he aim really right, but he tries anyway. His lips end up on the boy’s cheeks, but it is smooth and warm and perfect. The boy lets out a soft sound that almost sounds like a giggle. A-Ying gasps at at:
“Did you laugh?!” He asks his best friend.
“No.” Lan Zhan answers, firmly.
So stubborn! A-Ying doesn’t believe him, and he decides the best way to know for sure is to do it again. So he lands another kiss on Lan Zhan. The sound happens again, if a bit muffled, and the next time, Lan Zhan actually turns his head to avoid another contact. He curls up in a ball to protect his face. A-Ying laughs, somehow the kiss turns into a game that makes it even funnier! He loves to tease his Lan Zhan the most.
“Okay, you said no, so no more kisses then! Consent is important!” He quotes. “Good night Lan Zhan!” he smiles and turns to hide under the blanket.
It takes approximately two seconds before he hears:
“Wei Ying.”
Lan Zhan must have uncurled, because he shakes him a bit through the cover, as if to make him get out of his hiding spot, but Wei Ying remains there, stubborn and very proud of himself. Now it’s his time to tease back!
He grins harder at Lan Zhan’s frustration. His best friend is so cute when he pouts! It’s too bad he can’t see it while he is hidden. He fakes snoring, like his father does sometimes, when he doesn’t want to get out of bed. He fakes and fakes, until, at last, he falls truly asleep without noticing. Poor Lan Zhan, however, doesn’t manage to get any rest, staring at the ceiling for the longest time, and then, feeling the smile on his face growing larger and larger, he buries his head in his pillow.
Notes:
In the meantime, blob!Wuxian is probably witnessing the whole scene…
Blob!Wuxian : So bold! So shameless!! I take back what i said, little me, you’re definitely smarter than i thought!
While Lan Zhan is probably standing here, a little bit jealous of his own baby self, wondering why he didn’t get a kiss in his own timeline and if they can kiss while being blobs.
I had plans for Sisi and Meng Shi’s confession to be a whole subplot, but then they went ahead and refused to cooperate so I decided to make them only background while wangxian happened. Maybe next time they will obey me. You can have a short glimpse of what was supposed to be their conversation during their confession scene xD Fortunately, nashapixie was here to help me deal with this sub plot and find a way to turn frustration into delight. I’m very happy with this chapter right now UU
Also I added a tiny gift for Yengirl, who asked for wangxian kisses in her comment… And nashapixie definitely encouraged me to do it… So here you have it x). I tried to make it as innocent as possible, since they are basically 7 and 8. I always thought children never wondered about such things so young, but then my friends and family destroyed my illusions and said “no we definitely thought about kiss, sex and stuff this young” and my aceself went “ah, okay” like the one punch man gif. Since apparently it happens, okay so let it happen then and bam. baby wangxian kiss. I hope you liked it x)
See you all on Tuesday for next chapter =)
Chapter 103: The day before the wedding
Notes:
Hello everyone !!
This chapter is beta-read by the talented Fraudulent_moose and nashapixie, once again!!I have a lot of work to finish so i will be very short in the notes UU I loved your comment last chapter ans your reactions it made me very happy <3 Thank you so much !!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Meng Shi and Cangse Sanren get their sisterhood ceremony the day after the Lantern festival—Wei Changze and Meng Yao are just so efficient together that it is fully organized before lunch. Poor Cangse Sanren doesn’t even have enough time to recover from her hangover. And Meng Shi talks very loudly next to her, making her wince every now and then. Wei Changze thinks it might be her way to avenge Sisi’s stolen confession. Apart from that, everything goes well, and when Meng Shi steps out of the ceremonial platform, fresh as a rose, she directly goes to Sisi and kisses her on the lips in front of everyone.
A lot of hearts are broken that day and many disciples spend the rest of the evening crying while they replace Lotus Pier festival decorations with the wedding ones. Cangse Sanren—pushed by Wei Changze—takes the time to properly apologize for her words while drunk and Sisi smiles and waves her hand, dismissing the matter. After all, it ended well for her. Wei Changze can’t help but think they are lucky in that regard, he would have felt awful if they had ruined his sister’s chances.
A few hours later, Meng Shi goes to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan’s office and puts down in front of them a large sum of money.
“With this, Sisi and my debt to you are cleared,” she states with an innocent smile.
It seems that she somehow found a way to win whatever bet was going on about her and Sisi’s relationship at Lotus Pier, despite being the one everyone bet on. Yu Ziyuan is suddenly very grateful to not have this woman as an enemy.
“Should we give you a private quarter to you and Sisi, from now on?” Asks Jiang Fengmian.
Technically they already have, but it’s not a couples one, and the nuance seems important here.
“If you don’t mind, of course we will pay you a rent,” Meng Shi agrees.
Jiang Fengmian smiles and makes sure the rent will not be too high. It’s not that hard, as he knows exactly how much Meng Shi’s salary as teacher in Lotus Pier is, and Sisi’s job as Cangse Sanren’s maid.
***
The next week passes as a blur, everyone too busy with preparations for the wedding and training.
Yu Ziyuan somehow manages to convince her sworn sister to come and accept Meng Yao and Meng Shi’s presence too. They receive her letter two days before the wedding and celebrate the news together. It’s a little miracle in itself. It’s even more impressive that Madam Jin even stated she would come with her son: Jin Zixuan. Jiang Yanli is overjoyed by the news and Meng Yao, even if he hides it better, is too.
Yu Ziyuan still manages to make him swear he won’t try to get too close to the Jin heir. No need to provoke and poke a hornets nest. Meng Yao swears, but the kids are already plotting behind the adults’ back. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng don’t think having to play with Jin Zixuan is any fun, however, finding ways for Meng Yao to play with the boy without the adults noticing… That is quite a fun challenge. It almost makes the boy’s presence bearable.
The other surprise is that the second Madam Nie will be there for the wedding, to supervise her sons. Nie Huaisang especially, because Nie Mingjue will be arriving with the Lan convoy, freshly out of his six-months study at Cloud Recesses.
“You’re quite popular,” Jiang Fengmian jokes to Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze.
And the two grin, helplessly. They never thought so many important people would come to the ceremony. After all, Cangse Sanren has been used to annoying people out of her life and Wei Changze very much wished to disappear into the wild for a very long time.
“It seems we have more than one friend now,” she laughs, a little bit helplessly.
“It’s more work than I thought it would be,” admits Wei Changze, overlooking the wedding preparations.
“At least we aren’t friends with all sect leaders. No Jin Guangdick or Wen Ruohan” Cangse Sanren sighs.
“It’s not too late to invite them—” teases Jiang Fengmian, and the groans from both Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze make him laugh.
The day before the wedding they are both a bundle of nerves. It is custom that the two betrothed do not see each other. Refusing to remain iddles when there’s still so much left to do before the big day, Jiang Fengmian turns this tradition into a game, in true Jiang sect’s fashion. The betrothed are blindfolded and have a couple of kids helping them walk around the place. It has the advantage to keep the kids and the nervous fiancés busy.
“You are becoming quite cunning,” Yu Ziyuan says to her husband.
Usually she would protest over the tradition but she has way too much fun seeing Wei Changze run into every damn column on his way. Jiang Cheng has many qualities, but he has absolutely no gift to lead blindfolded people and has a very short patience.
Wei Zhengjiu is the first Wei to arrive at Lotus Pier, a little bit unsure of himself. His wife is the one making most of the talk. He admits to Wei Changze, later, that he is embarrassed by his country-bumpkin accent. He is however, immediately charmed by Wei Ying, who is sitting on his father’s shoulders and stating to everyone willing to listen:
“It’s my parents’ wedding. They’re getting married! I’m their gift!”
The Mo clan arrives not long after him though, with a couple of donkeys as presents. Which Yu Ziyuan and Wei Changze are equally happy to receive. Jiang Fengmian put it near the Wen sibling’s gift—a lucky cricket they caught themselves.
“I have a surprise gift too,” Mo Shisheng admits, a little bit bashful. And then he opens a box that contains a baby panda.
Jiang Fengmian swears he never ever heard Wen Ning scream before, but the boy shrieks at the view of a real baby panda. Even Wen Qing looks surprised.
Cangse Sanren laughs at it, and guesses immediately:
“It’s fantastic! That way we will always remember the joke about your door!” And she turns to the children—who are already hugging the bear like it's just a big cat. “Remember, this is fine because it eats bamboo and we don’t live on bamboo stalks.”
The children giggle at that. Mo Shisheng smirks and tells his lover: “Look, I think I’m becoming their favorite uncle.” Wei Wanyue doesn’t have the heart to tell him he is their only uncle.
“It’s going to grow up and become very big with claws, you’ll have to teach him to be careful.” Warns Wei Changze when he is allowed to come near -he still cannot see his soon-to-be-wife.
“I’m on it!” Promises Jiang Cheng, and Wen Ning mimics his salute to show he will help.
Yu Ziyuan looks at the panda, the cricket and the donkey. She thinks of the three dogs and the cat they already have, and the bunnies that hopefully will be sent to Cloud Recesses with Lan Zhan. She sighs:
“This sect is becoming a zoo.”
“You didn’t want it to be an orphanage.” Comments Jiang Fengmian with a smile.
“That doesn’t mean I wanted a zoo instead…”
The children are miles away from such considerations. They are beyond themselves over the animals, be it the panda or the donkeys. They spend the whole afternoon trying to show the other adults how they can ride now. They started horsemanship lessons after all!
Wei Wanyue and Mo Shisheng are happy to see Wanrong, but even more to meet their nephews—and for Wei Wanyue, her other younger brother. They form a small group apart from the rest trying to catch up for the lost time. Sisi had been afraid that meeting with their new younger brother would be difficult for Wanyue, but the woman that her sister has become is determined to be loved by everyone. She manages to charm Wei Zhengjiu and his wife by asking advice about farming and, upon learning he is aiming to become a merchant, about his studies. She herself learned to read and write quite late, she says it’s the late Mo matriarch who taught her.
“I need to introduce you to Meng Shi,” Sisi decides after seeing Wei Wanyue win over Wei Zhengjiu in half an hour.
She is sure the two would get along well, they both are charmer.
“Meng Shi is a very special person to me,” she tells her sister first, and she is delighted to be able to say it aloud this time.
She likes Cangse Sanren and is grateful her antics lead to Meng Shi confessing her love to her, but Sisi had not liked not being able to reveal her feelings when she had decided it. This time however, she is in control.
Wei Wanyue, if she is surprised, doesn’t show it, and nods:
“I would be very grateful to meet her then.”
So Sisi takes her away to meet Meng Shi, sending one last glare at Mo Shisheng and scaring the hell out of him. She will do so until he sends her an invitation letter to his wedding with Wei Wanyue.
When she is gone, Mo Shisheng puts a hand on his chest, near his still frantic beating heart, and sighs:
“I don’t know if I should wish for my daughter to get the Wei’s strong will or not…”
Cangse Sanren laughs at that, right before snatching her uncle to show the place around.
Mo Shiyu, the first lady Mo, has more trouble fitting in the crowd of children. She has confused feelings over the situation. She had been quite jealous that her sister got an opportunity that was refused to her. Her father explained that she is the first lady, she can’t be a cultivator too. It’s normal Mo Wanrong gets privileges she doesn’t have because of her family, the same way she has privileges her half sister doesn’t, because she is the first born and the child of the official wife. However Mo Shiyu is also very happy to have the house and her parents’ attention (even Wei Wanyue’s) all to herself while her half sister was gone. It’s complicated. She decides to continue to enjoy her being an only child since that’s what makes her happy and as soon as she arrives she declares she doesn’t want to play with the same people as her half-sister. Which is stupid, and Wei Ying says so to her face. He decides to call her angry-panda-cousin after hearing her rant for two minutes, and then returns to play with the donkeys. Jiang Cheng gives the woman one look before he smirks at her and states he is Wei Ying’s favorite angry person. Jiang Yanli is kind enough to show her where the board games and other toys are so she can busy herself on her own, but not kind enough to waste time with someone who doesn’t want her friend included. Mo Shiyu remains alone in a corner of the house because of that.
It changes though, when the Jin delegation arrives at Lotus Pier. Madam Jin does not only bring Jin Zixuan, but also a young lady she introduces as Luo QingYang (“MianMian” says Jin Zixuan) and her husband’s nephew, Jin Zixun.
Yu Ziyuan guessed she did so to make sure Jin Zixuan would have someone to play with. That way the Jin heir would have no excuse to play with Meng Yao like last time. It’s smart but fails almost immediately as Jin Zixun manages to get on the nerves of Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan in an incenses’ time. Which breaks the already impressive record of Mo Shiyu.
The boy ends up pouting on his own near First lady Mo and the next time Yu Ziyuan looks at them, they are playing a card game, ranting and gossiping together, despite the age differences.
MianMian has more luck, she fits in with the children group almost immediately, as if she always belonged there… But does not fulfill her job of keeping Jin Zixuan away from Meng Yao very well… On the contrary, she clicks right off the bat with Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing and Wei Wanrong, and as it often happens at this age, the girls form a click on one side, while the boys stick together on another.
Madam Jin witnesses this happening and grits her teeth. Yu Ziyuan pats her friend’s shoulder and tells her:
“Come on, there’s nothing you can do about it, besides it’s not like he is playing only with Meng Yao. He just happens to play with a group that Meng Yao is also in.”
It is not technically true, Jin Zixuan obviously gives Meng Yao more attention than anyone else. But the argument seems to work, which surprises Yu Ziyuan. She suspects this miracle is not entirely due to her persuasion skills—which are abysmal. There’s another woman in the Jin delegation she noticed earlier: Madam Qin. The woman is quiet and shy, holding a three year old girl close to her heart and refusing to let go of her. The woman tends to be spooked every time someone gets close to her too and clings to Madam Jin’s side. Such behavior would get on the nerves of the friend Yu Ziyuan’s knows, and yet, Madam Jin is especially patient and thoughtful with the woman.
“She is not used to crowds anymore, she hadn’t gone out since giving birth to her daughter. I thought it would do her good to come here. This wedding is a good “come-back” party, or at least I thought so,” Madam Jin explains.
Yu Ziyuan isn’t so sure about that—she has come to love her people, but they are quite… noisy. And since it’s Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze’s wedding, she knows the ceremony will be… untraditional on many aspects. Though, maybe it is what Madam Qin needs.
The woman ends up finding solace near Yinzhu and Jinzhu, discussing at ease with the twin maids. Maybe she unconsciously realizes that there is no safer place than with them. Which leaves plenty of time for Yu Ziyuan to introduce to her friend the many changes that happened during the last few months. As she makes a tour of Lotus Pier, they cross ways with a still-blindfolded Cangse Sanren. She is flying on her sword, her ribbon attached to her Uncle-cannot so she would not smash right into a wall.
“Madam Jin! I’m happy to see you!” She grins happily.
“You’re not supposed to see anything, ” points out Yu Ziyuan. It seems the cloth they used isn’t very efficient.
Cangse Sanren snorts:
“It’s okay, my future-bride isn’t in the perimeter—”
“Bride?” Repeats Madam Jin, quite confused, and Yu Ziyuan groans and waves her hand at her, Madam Jin supposes it’s Cangse Sanren’s usual nonsense.
“Anyways, did I present you to my uncle already? Well this is my uncle! Mo Shisheng. My Uncle-cannot!”
“I get that, it’s your uncle, no need to say it three times.”
“It’s for good luck!”
Mo Shisheng smiles at his niece and bows to Madam Jin, which immediately makes her appreciate him.
“By the way, did my spiritual tool work well? I made copies of it, even the other one, you know, the first one we used! So if it’s broken, tell me and I will send you a replacement. I just thought it would be useful for us to have it, since you know, we’re kind of in a family search right now—”
“I’ve been made aware of it,” Madam Jin smartly avoids the topic of the cultivation tool and her own search and Cangse Sanren lets her do it because she is all too happy to be talking about her family right now.
It’s her new shiny obsession. It will pass at one point. Hopefully.
“Really? Yu Ziyuan told you already? You’ve met my nieces? Aren’t they adorable? One of them is my cousin though!” Asks Cangse Sanren with a big smile. “It’s the tiny angry one, you’d like her I think.”
Madam Jin is apparently aware of the fucked up family tree already, and she nods without an hesitation:
“I did, and apparently so does half of the cultivation world. The running joke lately is that my husband has a bastard in each town, but that the Wei family has as many siblings.”
Cangse Sanren bursts out laughing and Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes. She wonders how the word got out of the Yunmeng region. Some disciples must have opened their mouths, and with the inn system, it spread quite fast.
“Well, we’re still missing two Wei!” Admits Cangse Sanren.
“My husband is quite displeased with you, as if he liked being at the top spot of such rumors,” Madam Jin complains. “So I’m quite happy with it. I wish you to find many more siblings and family members for your Wei dynasty.”
“Count on me!” Promises Cangse Sanren. “Oh, I need to go, we need to put my parents’ plates in the ancestral hall, and then catch my son so his great-uncle can tell him stories about his grandparents. I told him the one you told me last time already, I hope you have new ones!”
Mo Shisheng smiles, and states: “A-Ying told me he wanted to show me to a certain Lan Qiren first, because I'm a great-uncle, and he is just an uncle.”
Yu Ziyuan warns him: “Grandmaster Lan Qiren is the acting Sect Leader of one of the great sects.”
Mo Shisheng turns a bit white and nods: “Then let’s not do that.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure A-Ying will not mind the broken promise!” Laughs Cangse Sanren. “He is too busy trying to kiss Lan Zhan’s cheek and run away before the boy can catch him!”
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes, having witnessed the boy’s new game too. Fortunately the Lan boy didn’t seem to mind the contact, or she would have stopped this shameless behavior immediately.
Speaking of the Lan sect, they are the next ones to arrive, and Yu Ziyuan has to leave her friend to go and glare at them. Since she can’t zap them during her sworn sister’s wedding she will at least make it clear she is angry at them. It helps that she has cultivated a reputation of being angry at everyone for the last decade, so no one will find it strange. She can do it to her heart content.
If she is not happy to see the Lan Sect, she is the only one. Lan Juan steps out of the boat—a little bit green—and Wei Changze only has to say that she needs a hug to get better… She is almost immediately buried under a children pile. She goes down with a very Un-Lan “oof” that no one comments on. Lan Huan takes the time to bow to Jiang Fengmian and thank him for inviting him over, before he joins the pile too. Lan Zhan who usually does not partake in children pile, even joins—or more accurately, grasps his brother’s sacred ribbon’s tail so he counts as in without touching anyone. It seems to be a big gesture for the Lan boys and to be good enough after one full month of separation. Fortunately Nie Mingjue jumps out of the boat soon after and decides that this won’t do either. He runs to the other and takes as many babies in his arms as he can. Which is apparently six of them: Lan Huan, Meng Yao, Jin Zixuan, Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning. Lan Zhan is fast enough to avoid such a fate, but he remains close while the others scream like they are being murdered (Well, not Lan Huan, Lan Huan laughs, but it’s covered by the others’ screams. Jin Zixuan is especially loud).
“That’s how you should greet people after a long time not seeing them!” Nie Mingjue states to Lan Zhan.
The boy ignores the teen’s order and goes see his uncle instead.
Said uncle who is apparently having a coded discussion with Lan Yuan, or maybe doing math, they are using nothing but numbers.
“It’s a rules contest,” explains Lan Juan, barely recovering from being tackled by a dozen children. “I don’t know what happened, I was sick, when I finished throwing up they started quoting rules. I think at this point they are just trying to see who is going to win.”
“Well, everyone has one strange hobby.” Comments Jiang Fengmian with his diplomatic smile.
Yu Ziyuan doesn’t say what she thinks about Lan’s sect hobbies, and glares at Lan Qiren like she could zap him with her mind. Which confuses Lan Qiren to no end: he had been under the impression that they parted on good terms last time. He drops the game with Lan Yuan—nodding gratefully at him—and focuses on Lan Zhan.
His nephew definitely looks healthier and happier, though his forehead ribbon is crooked, and he got his old red ribbon back into his hair, tying his bun. It’s a good sign, he hadn’t wanted to wear it at Cloud Recesses since Lan Qiren explained that white was for mourning.
“I’m glad to see you’re doing fine,” he tells the boy. “Did the trip help you put your thoughts in order?”
Lan Zhan nods and Lan Qiren certainly hopes that it is true, that his nephew is now recovering from his grief, like he has from his cold. Satisfied with Lan Zhan’s answer, he lets him return playing with the others—especially Lan Huan who missed him dearly with a bit of encouragement:
“Your older brother came back from the Golden room successful while you were away. He is now Lan Huan, courtesy name Xichen. Go congratulate him.”
Lan Zhan nods, solemn, and immediately goes.
“Congratulations for your golden core,” he tells his older brother.
But it is enough to make Lan Huan gain the attention of every kid of the group. He is too modest to gloat, but Nie Mingjue apparently isn’t and he tells every kid how Lan Huan managed to solidify his golden core already and so earned his courtesy name by the Lan sect’s tradition. Even though he has no clue how the final stages and trials to make one are in the Lan sect, he manages to make it sound very impressive. And it is, Lan Huan isn’t the youngest of the Lan sect’s history to solidify his core, but he is very close to the record held by Teacher .
Lan Qiren’s lips curve down at the memory and he turns to Jiang Fengmian to ask about Lan Zhan’s own progress.
“He has been a very serious disciple and diligent student,” Jiang Fengmian assures him.
Then he gives the man a fake apology:
“However just like your guest disciples have to follow Cloud Recesses rules, we asked him to follow ours.”
“That’s understandable,” comments Lan Qiren.
“I’m glad you do. This is why here he has been allowed to run, please do not scold him for that.”
“Of course.”
“And he also share his plates with the other kids—”
Jiang Fengmian continues the lists and, as Lan Qiren’s mask waver, Yu Ziyuan feels better. She is starting to think she likes how her husband’s revenge works. Since Cangse Sanren is not here to say anything, she takes a detour to retrieve the “Children manual” her sworn sister wrote, and gives it to Lan Qiren.
“Here, Cangse Sanren made this especially for you.”
The face on Lan Qiren’s face as he opens the book and struggles to read the first line definitely pleases Yu Ziyuan.
“I know how to educate my nephews,” Lan Qiren protests.
“Of course, that’s why Cangse wanted to give it to you, she knows you are the one person that will have Lan Zhan’s happiness in mind,” manages to save face Jiang Fengmian.
Lan Qiren doesn’t look very convinced, but he takes a look at the book, then at Lan Zhan who is currently playing in a crowd of children… And puts the book inside his qiankun pouch without a word.
***
Wei Changze smiles as he witnesses Wei Ying introduce Lan Huan and Nie Mingjue to the “panda side” of the family. The two older boys would probably rather go and play with their friends, but they listen dutifully to the younger’s rambling and even make impressed sounds at the right moment of the story.
At some point though, Jiang Cheng calls his brother to play and Wei Ying ends up putting Wufa into Lan Huan’s arms and runs away dragging Lan Zhan with him. Nie Mingjue decides to go talk to Mo Wanrong and Mo Shiyu, as he knows first hand what it’s like to have a half sibling. It gives Lan Huan the opportunity to go to Wei Changze.
“Thank you for the portrait,” he says.
“I don’t see what you mean,” Answers Wei Changze, hoping to convey to the boy the idea that it shall remain a secret.
Lan Huan’s eyes widen, but then he smiles back: “I see, sorry I misunderstood, of course you couldn’t do that, you’ve never seen mother after all.”
Wei Changze watches him go and hopes that Meng Yao will teach his friends to get better at concealing the truth, one day. They are hoping to change the future enough to avoid a war breaking out, but in case they fail, he will need to know. Thinking of that, he really should talk to this ward about checking the place he sneaks in for talismans. It’s obvious that one would put warning spells around something they hide, to know immediately if they are found out. Wei Changze has little care about how the smart boy ever learned about Cangse Sanren’s future events manual. Now that it’s done, he just wants to make sure the kid doesn’t get scared over it. He has noticed how much harder the boy trains, like a desperate man, lately. Just like the war, they plan to avoid the boy becoming a spy (Though he is very proud of his ward for accomplishing such a deed, no one could have guessed that the war would be ended by a nobody with zero cultivation training. Even with the blood of Jin Guangshan, the Meng Yao of this other world had not been taught). Wei Changze didn’t have the time to do it until now, but he really should find a way to make this clear. And also congratulate him on finding the manual because heck he thought he hid it pretty well… Maybe it could become a game between them—
Just as he thinks he has the opportunity, the word that the Nie delegation has arrived spreads. Wei Changze sighs, puts back the blindfold and asks his sisters to lead him to the guests. He needs to welcome them.
***
At the same time, Cangse Sanren is being warned that someone wishes to speak to her at Lotus Pier’s gate. She turns to her uncle, as if he could know what this is all about. She is pretty sure she didn’t annoy anyone yet enough to be called upon.
“Maybe it’s a friend?” Suggests her uncle.
“I don’t have that many friends, they all arrived already.” she touches the jade token that hands at her waist, and thinks suddenly that she will have to find a moment to give to Lan Huan the same speech she gave to Lan Zhan.
“Well, you won’t know if you remain here, come on—”
She grins at her uncle’s wise words and hops back on her sword.
“Lead the way!” She orders, despite the fact she doesn’t bother putting the blindfold back on.
The ones who called upon Cangse Sanren are strangers. At least in Cangse Sanren’s eyes.
It’s a strange group: a young man that must be barely twenty, a young feral child and a… Bird? Yes, the kid has a bird tangled in his hair.
She doesn’t recognize any of them, though they are vaguely familiar. She decides to use the ancestral strategy of “hey you!” that people with poor facial memory has used for centuries, when the kid grins and points at her:
“Hey old hag!!”
It takes a full minute to get over the insult, then another one to actually remember who was the last one to call her that way. But that doesn’t make any sense, he shouldn’t be here, right?
“Xue Yang, show respect to your martial sister, please,” The man orders calmly.
Xue Yang (It’s him! How can he be here, she sent him to Baoshan Sanren’s mountain?! Oh gosh he grew so much, she barely recognized him! He looks so cute now that he is clean!) sticks out his tongue at them, and complains:
“Well she didn’t recognize me so why should I respect her? By the way, why are you back on your sword? You could walk fine last time we saw you!”
Cangse Sanren’s mouth falls open, as she stares at them. Suddenly her brain starts working and she gasps at the older boy:
“I can’t walk a full day yet, it hurts too much… You’re the one I saw at the Burial mounds!”
“And we saw you drink putrid water!” Xue Yang smirks.
“My name is Xiao Xingchen,” he tells her with a courteous bow. “You might not remember me, I was very young when you left the mountain.”
Huh the name is familiar, but she thought it was an older boy who wore it. Maybe she remembers wrong. That’s the problem when there's too many people wearing the surname Xiao at the same place: you’re bound to mix them together at some point. Anyways her brain decides to stop working and doesn't provides her with any coherent thought but this one:
“What the heck are you doing outside of the damn mountain?!”
Xue Yang snickers at that, and she points him out:
“You’re way too young to be a cultivator already, how come you’re out?! Did you manage to get kicked out?!”
If so, like wow, even if she didn’t manage to do that, what kind of gremlin is he?! Xue Yang apparently doesn’t like to be accused of anything and he gloats at her, crossing his arms on his chest:
“I just made a fucking deal with your damn master, unlike every other stupid person living on that fucking mountain!”
“Master?! A deal!? As if! She is as stubborn as a—”
Then suddenly she is attacked by a bird, the creature crashing right in her face and tapping its beak on her forehead like it’s a nut it wants to open. Cangse Sanren does not scream: she is an talented cultivator she can face a stupid bird. She certainly does not move her hands to get it off and her first idea to get it out of her hair is certainly not to smash herself in the nearest wall at full speed.
But if she does all that, it definitely works though.
“Are you alright Zangse?” asks her Mo Shisheng, a tiny bit worried after witnessing the whole show.
Cangse Sanren groans. She is seeing three Uncle-cannot right now, but beside that…. She is fine. The man named Xiao Xingchen is also looking at her worriedly, but she suspects he is holding his laughter back. Xue Yang in the background is not bothering hiding his amusement, though he does point out:
“I told you this bird was fucking evil! I told ya! Here is the proof!”
“I’m sorry, martial sister, it isn’t usually like this, it must be his current link with our master that made him react this violently—”
“He doesn’t react like that with you! Because you’re his favorite! ”
Cangse Sanren’s brain suddenly works again at full speed, as if all the blood it held before flew back into her veins. She stares at the little bird that is as groggy as her after such a big hit, and she remembers.
“Wait, that’s Xiao Niǎo!! Master’s spiritual beast! Wow! It’s been so long I didn't recognize him at all! What—wait master? Master is here? Inside the bird?!”
Xiao Xingchen concedes:
“That’s an oversimplification but one could say that—”
“Oh my gosh you came to my wedding! You read my letters! You care!” Cangse Sanren gasps at the bird in her hand.
It still fakes to be out of commission. Spiritual beasts are way tougher than that, there’s no way a hit like that truly hurt it, it must just be abashed. And it shall continue to be self-conscious because the first thing Cangse Sanren does is attempt to hug the tiny little sparrow. Xue Yang is going to pass out from laughing too much at this point.
“Serves you right damn bird!” he manages to hiccup still.
This is not how Xiao Xingchen pictured the reunion with his martial sister, on the day of her wedding, but… he must say that given all he knows about her and the stories he grew up with, he is not completely surprised by the turn of events. He is trying to find a way to take back control of the situation when someones calls urgently:
“Cangse? Cangse, come quickly there’s someone you need to meet—”
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are running toward the place, quite in a hurry, but Cangse Sanren is too busy being emotional to notice that, instead the moment she sees them, she screams back, brandishing the bird in her hands:
“Fengmian, Ziyuan!! Look! Look! It’s my master! My master is at my wedding!”
Fengmian stops and stares at her friend, too confused and probably too polite to reply anything to her nonsense. Yu Ziyuan is not. She gives one look at at the sorry expression Uncle-cannot bears in the background, her sworn sister’s large grin on her face and the sparrow almost choked to death in her fist and states:
“That’s it, she’s definitely lost her mind.”
Notes:
Surprise surprise !! (or not...)
Next chapter you'll have another reunion i think some will readers will be happy.
See you on friday !!!EDIt : i forgot to add the notes I prepared So here it is :
I'll take a minute to expand the lore here… About courtesy names. Of course all of these info will be displayed throughout the story but I want to put it here as a reminder. Basically the 15 years old ceremony is tied to the cultivation world and the 20 years old ceremony is tied to the more global society.
Jin sect: gives the courtesy name at birth and uses it in front of everyone rather than baby name to protect their heir from curses / the baby name is secret only parents, lover and family knows about it and are authorized to use it, and only when they are alone/together. There is a coming of age at 15 years old when children are considered as close to adulthood. They should become disciples and no-more be called students. It is often tied to the formation of a golden core. If one disciple didn’t manage to get a golden core before his 15 years old celebration then is considered as unteachable and ejected from the sect. They get crowned at 20 and it is only at that age they can earn a living, and inherit titles and marry.
Nie sect: gives the courtesy name at birth too, and uses it in front of strangers/in public to call their children. In family or with people they trust, they can use their baby names. It is to show someone you care / trust them as much as family to give them your baby name. When their saber awakens, they go through a ritual that bonds their spirit with their weapon, and gets a special tattoo on their skin (which they decide the design). Only family and cultivation partners / people you’re dual cultivating with can see the tattoo: it’s invisible for others. The ceremony at 15 is a tournament to show off one’s skills on the battlefield and how much you’ve learned within the sect, the result will affect the position you’ll get within the sect in the future. They get crowned at 20, making them able to inherit a position and being considered as adults, with all that implies.
Wen Sect: the Sect leader blesses his disciples with courtesy names at his own convenience. He is the one who chooses it. It is custom that a courtesy name is given to a disciple only after they accomplished a great deed for the sect. That’s why Wen Chao and Wen Xu do not have one yet. Though the Sect leader can decide to bestow one for another reason… The ceremony at 15 is to present one child to the sect and gives them their first responsibilities / duties among it. They are however still considered as students until the adulthood ceremony. They can officially marry at 15 (Wen Chao hello). They get crowned at 20, which means they can officially inherit a position from their parents and are considered as full fledged adults.
Lan sect: courtesy names are earned when one disciple gets out of the Golden room, which means they passed all tests and managed to form and solidify their core. There is no ceremony at 15 years old, but an examination of one’s skills (scholarly, cultivation wise and physical). The result greatly influences how one is taught afterward. It is generally at 15 years old that one disciple is nominated for their first role within the sect (head disciple, disciplinary head…) and they decide their cultivation path and their career, so they can start studying it. But sometimes it happens sooner when one disciple is especially talented in one field or especially disastrous. They get crowned and take their responsibilities at 20 years old, becoming adults.
Jiang sect: courtesy names are given at the age of 15 years old through a ceremony, if you are of a gentry’s family/in a family that is rich enough to get one. It is at this age the disciples are given their responsibilities within the sect (head disciples for example) and the official age they can ask to be sworn brother and sister with someone, or for one’s hand. It can happen that a courtesy name is given sooner and used in some complicated family situation (like Wei Wuxian). Using one’s courtesy name is a show of respect but also distanciation (you don’t use courtesy names among family members). At the age of 20 they are considered as adults and are crowned. They can officially marry and inherit titles and duty.
Chapter 104: Let them be family
Notes:
The chapter is fairly late because i wanted to have my dear beta's confirmation before i could announce this...
Next week i will be publishing the last chapter of this fic. The last chapter that is 40 pages long...So i've decided to end it with a bang and remind you of the first months of this fic by a part each dayt from tuesday to friday (or maybe thirsday. As you know i'm not the best at math) which means : one chapter a day !! =)
I hope you'll like it UvU
Now i will leave you with the next chapter, that i fairly like because my beta liked it <3 I hope you will too!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The Nie delegation enters Lotus Pier without much of a fuss, at their head stands the Second Madam Nie, half hiding behind her fan, her son, the Second young Master Nie Huaisang, another boy they do not know and is around Nie Mingjue’s age and…
“Master!”
Jiang Yanli is the first to recognize anyone in the crowd. It’s the rogue cultivator who has been visiting Lotus Pier every summer for three years now, the one who showed her the beauty of hook swords. Jiang Fengmian apologizes for his daughter’s enthusiasm, but the man grins at the little mistress without caring much about protocol. Instead he seizes her by the waist and almost throws her in the air, spinning around before putting her down to the ground again. In front of a very shocked Jin Zixuan. Though he doesn’t say anything because no one else seems offended. It has been their way to say hello pretty much since the second summer.
“How have you been? I hope you got better!” He says, immediately. “Oh, by the way, I suppose you don’t know him, this is Nie Zonghui, my son.”
Jiang Yanli offers the teen a courtesy bow, that he returns with a cold glare. It’s not enough to scare Jiang Yanli, who asks kindly:
“Do you also use hook swords?”
“No. I do dual sabers.”
“How interesting, would you show me how different it is used?”
And just like that she manages to charm the boy. Jiang Fengmian is still amazed by his daughter’s power sometimes.
“Never seen Zonghui warm up to anyone so fast一” whistles the rogue cultivator, though perhaps it is incorrect to call him such a thing.
“Master Luozhu, so you are a Nie cultivator? Is that why you never gave us your full name?” Inquires Yu Ziyuan, catching up一allowing her husband to go and greet Second Madam Nie as it is his duty.
“Erf, don’t go thinking I went spying on you, I’m a rogue, it just happens that my family is from the Nie sect.” He shrugs. “Speaking of family一”
Wei Changze choses this moment to arrive, his black blindfold on, surrounded by his sisters. Sisi checks and then tells him that Cangse Sanren is nowhere to be seen, and so he gets it off with a relieved sigh. Nie Luozhu does not waste any more time and smiles largely.
“Wei Changze, Sisi, remember my promise to look for your siblings?”
Second Madam Nie trips in the background, as her son Nie Mingjue runs to greet her. The declaration, however, brings everyone attention on the rogue rather than on her. Jiang Fengmian stops mid sentence, turning their head to them, and Yu Ziyuan frowns. Sisi’s eyes light up and Wei Changze freezes on the spot.
Just after he said that, Jiang Yanli’s mentor takes a few steps to the side, opening the way so a man in a monk attire can come forward. He has one distinctive mole, in the middle of the cheek, where one would expect a dimple. But there’s no such thing, despite the radiant smile he offers.
“It’s good to see you again, Changze, YingYing…” He stops, for a moment, and then his feature relaxes as he whispers: “And Wanyue too.”
He doesn’t say much after this, as Sisi drops everything to run into his open arms.
“Mingming!” She whispers, not even bothering fighting tears. “I thought you were dead…”
She did, it doesn’t matter that it had been years now, that she knew the one who died was Meng Shi’s brother, Meng Mingyao, and not her MingMing, somehow, the fear never left. Until today as she holds him close, alive, once again.
“I’m fine,” assures her Wei Mingyao. “I knew you were fine too. I just knew you would all find a way to survive. I had faith in you all.”
“Teacher,” one young man appears behind Wei Mingyao, wearing a complete black attire. He looks young, maybe only twenty or so, and also completely shocked by such an emotional display.
“Ah, Song Zichen, this is my sister, do not worry, I told you about her on the road, you remember?”
The man named Song Zichen nods to show his understanding, but he still looks quite confused. Even more when Wei Wanyue gets closer to him, takes one look, and asks:
“MingMing, is he your son?”
Poor Song Zichen turns almost purple, especially as Wei Mingyao laughs openly.
“Oh no, no一 no . Please Song Zichen, take a deep breath, you’ll die if you don’t一no Wanyue, this is not my son. He just escorted me to protect me on the road. I’m not married.”
He takes a few steps back to take a good look at his two sisters, still managing to hold Sisi’s still crying face with extreme tenderness. Wei Changze tries not to stare, as he looks at the man that is supposed to be his older brother. He looks fine, rather old, with some grey hair and wrinkles around the eyes, but happy. Happy to see them all. Despite this being the third reunion he went through, Wei Changze still doesn’t know what to do with his arms and words. He is comforted when he notices how Wei Zhengjiu is as awkward as him.
“Where have you been?” asks Sisi, who definitely does not share such a problem, she wants to know everything.
“I was sold to the Baixue temple as a monk disciple.”
“Baixue… the character for snowflake?” Wei Zhengjiu asks, turning to Wei Changze for confirmation.
It suddenly makes sense. Wei Changze doesn’t have time to be angry at himself for not knowing Baixue temple, as Mingyao’s eyes get a little bit mischievous:
“I am not married, but MingMing is…”
Wei Changze doesn’t get what it means, neither does Wei Zhengjiu, but Wei Wanyue and Sisi immediately seems to pick this up:
“You know where Mingyan is?”
Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang frown at the name and look at their mother. Unfortunately no one noticed their movements. Not when Wei Wanyue is still asking:
“How is she? You said she is married? Is she al一”
Wei Mingyao’ smile grows wider and he bends his head to the side. Expecting another grand reveal in similar fashion, they all turn their head in the direction, but Second Madam Nie doesn’t step to the side to let a beautiful stranger get into the spotlight. She doesn’t move at all, gripping to her fan, her frown obvious.
Nie Mingjue, who is not used to seeing his second mama so open with her emotion, or even this silent, frowns too.
“What’s wrong?”
Nie Huaisang, who already half climbed in his brother’s arms grins and states proudly:
“Mama is shy!”
Wei Changze is the first one to suspect something and he feels a shiver runs down his spine. His first coherent thought is: Cangse Sanren is going to laugh so much. She will never let this die down. Jiang Fengmian seems to catch up what it implies quite fast too, and mumbles:
“This is taking quite an interesting turn...”
While his lady facepalm and sighs: “Wei family members are really popping up like daisies…”
Still, Second Madam Nie doesn’t say anything, as if she has turned into a stone. That is, until, Wei Mingyao walks to her side and put a hand on her shoulders, whispering, as fond as annoyed:
“Come on MingMing, it’s time to stop playing hide and seek…”
“You already said you would stop,” adds Nie Luozhu, Yanli’s mentor, definitely amused.
“Sect and secrets, I swear I'm going to zap them all,” grumbles Yu Ziyuan.
And finally, finally , the second Madam Nie, Wei Mingyan, let out a small “tch” as she claps her fan shut, revealing the lower part of her face. Everyone in the cultivation world has known it for years by now, meeting her when she had been introduced as the Nie sect leader’s concubine. It is not a surprise. It should not be a surprise.
Yet it is, because suddenly, Jiang Fengmian doesn’t see the beautiful aging woman he is used to, the one who has Nie Huaisang’s round eyes and nose… He notices the mole on her cheek, that is just the same as her twin’s, and the full curve of her lips, so similar to Sisi’s. Lips that are actually painted in red and pouting, as the woman admits, blushing:
“I didn’t expect… Wanyue to be here too. I have only been told about Zhengjiu, Changze and YingYing… I don’t like surprises.”
“About me too?” Whisper Zhenjiu, confused.
She doesn’t reply to him, only nodding to confirm. Then she glares at Jiang Yanli’s mentor, as if he is the one behind this trap and the man raises his hands, laughing:
“Hey! I told you about the rumors that were going on, the Wei being too many, it’s not my fault you were as stupid as me and didn’t get what it meant!!”
“But isn’t this perfect? Now we’re all reunited…” Wei Mingyao smiles.
“I… I suppose it is,” she concedes, though avoiding looking at everyone in the eyes.
There’s a silence that somehow manages to be overwhelmingly loud. Then finally, Wei Zhengjiu whispers, unsure:
“I dunno if I got it, but… is… one of our sisters is a great ma’am? Or did I miss som’thing?”
It’s like opening a damn and suddenly the revelation sets, truly, in everyone’s mind. Nie Mingyan nods and states, a tiny bit of accent piercing through her tone, matching her younger brother’s:
“Yeah, as you can see, I married… well.”
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes in the background: that’s the least one could say! But at least this secret isn’t so bad. It’s good to know another sect had the guts to get a woman out of the brothel and give them a better life. Now she has a reason to kick the ass of every person who says it’s not how the gentry should act.
Sisi is the first Wei to react and she gets close to second Madam Nie and states, determined:
“I don’t care who your husband is. I’m going to hug you, just like I did with MingMing.”
Second Madam Nie’s expression softens the same way her twin did, and she nods, her voice tight with emotions:
“Please do.”
And just like that, rules and social standing are forgotten. Jiang Fengmian might be a little emotional over this. Wei Changze looks at him, a bit confused: one would think he is the one finding a long lost brother and sister.
“I’ve spent my whole life searching for you all,” Sisi admits.
“I’m sorry, I thought you wouldn’t want to ever see me again… That you would be better without me and my plans that never work...” Wei MingYan whispers back.
“You silly goose, who put this idea in your head, I’m going to beat them up! I missed you so much一”
Jiang Fengmian witnesses Sisi being pressed into her oldest sister’s arms, while Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang stare at the whole scene, equally confused. Wei Changze looks at the boys too, like he sees them for the first time, and decides to offer them a hand:
“So, apparently, you are now my little nephews.”
Nie Huaisang grins and tries to get in Wei Changze’s arms happily. The man doesn’t mind, even if his hands are poised with sugar already. Nie Mingjue blinks a bit at him, but still manages a “Nice to meet you Second Uncle” as he does a clumsy bow. Nie Zonghui besides him eyes him warily.
Yu Ziyuan groans at that and Jiang Fengmian laughs.
“I’m going to go and fetch Cangse Sanren and your son, I believe they will want to see that.”
“Yes… Yes, she will want to know that… This is quite a big surprise. She is going to be mad to have missed it一”
“Changze… Changze, come here, I need to take a good look at you, how much you’ve grown一” Orders Mingyao.
He hesitates, and then finally joins his brother and sister, still a bit hesitant, but his chest warming up. His whole family. His whole family is here, beside him, for his wedding. This is a situation he didn’t even dare dream of, and yet... His throat gets suddenly tight with words he doesn’t manage to identify. It hurts, just the right kind of way, like a bubbling sob that would turn into a laugh.
It is going to be hard to top that, he thinks.
***
Yet he should have not underestimated Cangse Sanren, because she somehow managed to come up with a revelation that is equally一if not more一surprising.
“So now, A-Xian also has a bird family?” Complains A-Cheng, staring at the golden sparrow in Cangse Sanren’s hand.
Life is really unfair, he doesn’t say, because he has been working on his jealousy. But they all hear it anyways and many of them hide their smirk. Yu Ziyuan almost spits: “Yeah sorry, my family is boring and only has humans, ” but she fears the irony might be lost on a seven year old boy.
“It is an honor to meet you, Grandma Bird Immortal,” bows Wei Ying, naively一and is immediately mimicked by Wen Ning.
Wen Ning adds quickly: “Don’t get near Wufa, he eats birds!”
Cangse Sanren snorts at that. The kids have less trouble believing that a great immortal could hide behind such a tiny and frail creature. Given how many revelations have happened in so little time, the main family had left the guests to the care of the servants and reunited in the main Lotus Pier’s hall to discuss everything. Said room is unfortunately getting overcrowded, with all the children, all the Wei siblings and their partners… And一
Cangse Sanren elbows her husband in the ribs, all too proud of herself:
“See, see, I told you we would get even. I've got two martial brothers to match yours. Now all I need is one more sworn sister!”
Changze smiles back. Xue Yang sticks out his tongue at that declaration while Xiao Xingchen politely nods to them.
And then he bows to the bird in her hands and states, though it is not quite true:
“It is a pleasure to finally meet the person who raised the woman I love.”
“And a great immortal,” Add Jiang Fengmian.
“And apparently a bird,” comments Yu Ziyuan, still not looking convinced.
Her doubtful expression is shared by almost every non-cultivator in the room一and even some who are. Mo Shisheng especially seems confused at the idea of thanking a bird for saving and adopting his niece. He is questioning his niece’s family sanity for the first time ever. He turns to Mo Wanrong and asks her, once again, if she is sure she wants to be a cultivator. Wanrong nods, not changing her mind one bit, while her sister, who had been jealous that her half-sister got the opportunity while she didn’t, recoils. Cultivators are crazy people, she thought Cangse Sanren to be an exception but it seems she is the norm, if everyone kind of agrees to talk to a bird on her call. She doesn’t want to be part of that.
Said bird sings songs at the adoration he gets, as if moved too, then avoids Nie Huaisang’s grabby hands just in time.
“A-Sang, no. No grabbing immortal一” Orders Wei Mingyan.
“But it’s a bird! Sparrow! And so pretty!”
“It is also your一” Sisi stops, frowning, wondering how you call the adopted mother of the wife of your uncle… She gives up quite quickly and sums it up as: “Family.”
Nie Huaisang’s eyes fill with stars, though he is probably more thrilled at the idea of being related to a bird than to an immortal. He is a kid after all. Jiang Cheng huffs, and again he doesn’t say it, but they can all imagine he's grumpy. His best friend happens to be related to Wei Wuxian too. This is so UNFAIR. Is everyone family at this point? Jiang Yanli giggles at her little brother’s frustration, despite her own confusion over the family tree situation.
The bird一spiritual beast or immortal一ends up landing on top of someone’s head, deeming this height to be relatively safe away from dangerous children. It just happens to be Song Zichen’s head. Poor Song Zichen, who's obviously wondering why the heck he has been dragged into such a conversation about immortals and long lost siblings when he had just accepted to escort the monk who taught him to read and write at Baixue temple. He just wanted to make sure nothing would happen to the defenseless man… And now…
“Again, this is not technically Baoshan Sanren herself, but her spiritual beast. She just added a spell in order to be able to hear and see whatever he does, and maybe influence a bit of his actions.”Explains Xiao Xingchen, taking the small bird back into his hand, relieving his neighbor of his charge.
Song Zichen sends him a grateful look that does some strange things to Xiao Xingchen’s stomach. He blames the stress. Xiao Xingchen despite his looks is not much better than this Song Zichen, as he had come here to discuss serious matters with his martial sister. Yet he can’t bring himself to talk about it yet, not when she is so happy.
“It’s still kind of like my master is here too. I can’t believe we are having our complete family at our wedding,” whispers Cangse Sanren, with the brightest smile Xiao Xingchen has ever seen.
He suddenly gets why everyone still talks about this woman back on the mountain. It is quite unforgettable.
“I’m going to tell her,” smirks Xue Yang, who apparently does not share the same qualms as his older martial brother and enjoys ruining the mood way too much.
“Don’t you dare,” he stops him.
After all, there is still some time. Why not let them enjoy the moment?
***
“Your family tree is getting quite complicated,” Declares Meng Yao to Wei Ying, as all the children sit on the terrace after dinner.
The Lan brothers, MianMian and Jin Zixuan have joined and just learned about the latest news, and together they have been trying to write said family tree on a scroll. They are at their fourth attempt, always finding themselves forgetting one, or running out of place on the bamboo scroll. It doesn’t help that Wen Ning’s panda is eating half of it.
Despite everyone’s wishes to catch up and talk until morning, a wedding is still happening tomorrow. Guests have to be taken care of, welcomed and given room, and preparations have to be pursued. The tradition of not making Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze see each other had been forgotten in the midst of all those revelations, but their new found family had been adamant that the other customs would be respected. Hence, right after dinner, the two adults had been holed up by their respective family in another room, to get bathed and combed like they deserved. Yinzhu and Jinzhu are looking after he children from afar. They were supposed to have Yanli’s mentor supervising him too, but Nie Zonghui dragged the man to the training field to show his progress and hadn’t resurfaced since then.
“Really? It’s simple: everyone is my cousin!” A-Ying answers, uncaring. “I like it!”
“Not family,” comments Lan Zhan.
“Ah! Except for Lan Zhan who is my best friend, everyone is family!” Corrects Wei Wuxian. “Even Lan Huan because he is married一”
“Wei Wuxian!” Protests Lan Huan, too far away to put a hand on his mouth before he finishes his sentence, unfortunately.
“He is married to Yao-bro and he一”
Meng Yao isn’t far enough to not put a hand on Wei Wuxian’s mouth, so he does. The hand slaps a little bit too violently and he turns red from head to toe. Lan Huan blinks at the suggestion, as if he cannot process the information, while Nie Mingjue frowns. Nie Huaisang giggles at the idea. Unfortunately for Meng Yao, Wei Wuxian is used to having a brother trying to shut him up and licks his way free.
“Where did you get that idea?!” Meng Yao laments, because whoever did this, he is going to throw them in the pond! “I’m sorry A-Huan, he doesn’t mean that.”
“No harm done.” Assures Lan Huan but definitely there’s some harm done, or there will be once he finds the culprit.
“Who, Wei Wuxian?”
“Your two mamas!”
Betrayed by his own mothers!
“They kissed, so if two women can kiss, so can two men” continues Wei Wuxian.
“That makes sense,” agrees Nie Mingjue.
“And I think that you should kiss A-Huan because you’re special together but not family, and if you kiss you gotta marry.” Explains Wei Wuxian.
“Mn!” Confirms Lan Zhan behind him, with a strange, determined look.
Lan Huan puts his hand on his cheek and takes a position that means “Oh dear” without words. And Meng Yao wants to repeat that too. Oh dear. Meng Yao shuts his mouth, as the summary is both…oversimplified, but also true. He should have known better that Wei Wuxian would not care about details.
“Don’t say stupid things, Lan Huan cannot marry Meng Yao. He would join your side of the family. I still think it’s not fair you got so many,” mumbles Jiang Cheng. “You’re not allowed to have another one!”
“You don’t get to decide that,” Comments Wen Qing.
Lan Huan chuckles as the younger kids bicker, but stops when he notices Nie Mingjue’s frown as the boy sits next to him. Gently, he pushes his shoulder with is, to shake him out of his reverie:
“So, it seems you are now everyone’s big brother here. How do you feel about it?”
It is not technically true, as the Wen siblings aren’t related to anyone officially, neither are the Jiang, but still, this is also very true. Nie Mingjue is the oldest among them after all and already acts like a big brother to everyone. Meng Yao eyes his friend too, curious. But Nie Mingjue is still quite confused over it:
“I didn’t even know my second Mama had any siblings before today. When I asked Nie Zonghui, he didn’t know either.”
“I knew!” States proudly Nie Huaisang.
“How did you know?! She never talked about them!”
“Sleeping talk,” Nie Huaisang explains, though no one gets what it means.
“That must be quite a shock, then” mediates Meng Yao.
Nie Mingjue nods, mechanically.
“But, isn’t it awesome to see your family grow bigger?” Lan Huan comments. He takes one look at his own little brother while doing so.
Nie Huaisang has decided一to celebrate the event一to share his secret stock of candies with Xue Yang, Wen Ning and Lan Zhan. Hopefully the sugar will help his little brother stay awake despite 9pm fast approaching. Maybe he should take some too, he feels a bit tired.
“I don’t know, I would hate getting a surprise cousin” states Jin Zixuan suddenly.
Meng Yao flinches at the declaration, but fortunately MianMian snorts and says:
“That’s because your only cousin is Zixun and he is annoying.”
Jin Zixuan doesn’t confirm this outwardly, but his expression says a lot. Wei Wuxian, feeling generous, taps the boy’s back and says:
“Don’t worry my angry panda cousin is a bit annoying too. She will keep him busy.”
Nie Mingjue admits: “She is! I tried to talk to her and she is stubborn as hell.”
“Not to defend her, but you went to her and told her to get along with his half sister right off the bat,” Points out Meng Yao. “No one likes to get patronized by strangers.”
“It’s the truth! And it’s even more true now, she is my cousin, we’re not strangers anymore! She has to get along with family. Look: I get along with A-Sang just fine even though he is from a different mama!”
“It’s not because it’s true that you have to say it.”
“Then when the hell am I supposed to say it?” Grumbles Nie Mingjue.
And that’s a good question.
“Well even if A-Yao is right, I like your honesty A-Jue,” states Lan Huan.
Wei Wuxian is stopped before he can repeat “You should all kiss” by his sister. He loves her too much to lick his way out. Jiang Yanli shows once again her skills as a mediator and declares:
“Everyone here gets along, so this is good news.”
“Well, I suppose it’s true.” Smiles Nie Mingjue, his enthusiasm returning slowly.
It’s true that there’s absolutely nothing but good in this revelation. It’s surprising and unexpected but certainly not bad. He looks at the crowd of children, where the only one missing are Mo Shiyu and Jin Zixun一who are still pouting somewhere一and Nie Zonghui, who is also pouting but with his father apparently. It’s not very clear, the boy often does that, treating his father like he doesn’t love him but asking for his full attention whenever there’s competition. He supposes that even in family you could not get along, Zonghui and his father are proof of it and he definitely wouldn’t say to his cousin to get over his own problem. While he does not appreciate every single one of them, he does find Wei Wuxian and Mo Wanrong quite amusing. He could have gotten far worse cousins out of the deal.
***
Cangse Sanren giggles as the comb gets through her hair. It is strange, Sisi has moved to Wei Changze’s room, as she is first and foremost his sister, but Meng Shi has offered to replace her for the task. Behind her, Yu Ziyuan is preparing tomorrow's outfit, checking one last time that everything is as it should be. Cangse Sanren had thought that the ex-prostitute and the Madam would be her only company tonight, but now she found herself with her Uncle-cannot holding the bronze mirror… And a strange bird peeping on top of it. It is supposed to be the moment dedicated to family. And here she is, the street orphan who had no one before, surrounded and loved.
“You’re going to be beautiful,” assures her Meng Shi.
“You look so much like your mother, right now,” Adds Mo Shisheng.
There’s so much she wants to say to them, both her adopted mother and her uncle, and yet the words are stuck in her throat and all she can do is smile blissfully, overwhelmed with so much joy she could cry.
“Zangse?” Mo Shisheng inquires, worried.
She hiccups, as finger brushes her cheeks and wipes a tear. Then, on instinct she grabs the hand of her uncle and squeezes it, grateful.
“I’m so happy I found you.” She whispers.
She looks up at the bird, who is currently cleaning its feathers, hiding its head in the process. She could almost picture Baoshan Sanren avoiding her gaze, like she does sometimes. She hoped the immortal would get down off the mountain for her, but had been so certain she wouldn’t. After all they were still angry at each other, and Baoshan Sanren hated the outside world. Why would she brave it to see someone like Cangse Sanren? The girl was just one of the many orphans she adopted, after all, and one who chose freedom over her.
But the immortal did find a way to be here and it meant so much.
“Thank you for coming too,” she tells the bird.
This will have to do, because honestly, that’s the only thing she manages to say, before Yu Ziyuan clicks her tongue:
“Cry to your hearts content, better now than tomorrow, or you will ruin your makeup then!”
Meng Shi giggles and then whispers:
“Leave it to me, I know how to hide swollen eyes, you can cry all you want, tomorrow I will still make you the prettiest bride ever.”
Cangse Sanren laughs and laughs, happy beyond what she thought one could be. Once upon a time, her whole life was turned upside down by an unfortunate landslide. She had been dragged out of the mud and called the miracle child for surviving. She had been considered as lucky by so many, but deep down? Cangse Sanren didn’t think she had been. She didn't feel lucky that day, when she had to get by on her own. Then she was adopted by an immortal, raised by a woman many considered wise一though that was not truly the case. When she got away and embraced freedom, people still called her lucky: for being found and given the opportunity to learn among the peerless. Yet the blessing had felt like a shackle, sometimes. Cangse Sanren didn’t think she had been lucky back then too. She didn’t resent the past, was even grateful for it… but the word didn’t feel right in her heart.
Now it does.
She is about to get married to the man she loved for so long, who gave her the sweetest child ever, surrounded by people that are her family, in her blood and heart.
This time Cangse Sanren feels like the luckiest person of the world.
***
Wei Changze is holding himself together a bit better, in his room, despite being overwhelmed by people. He has been a lonely servant for most of his life, only ever considering Fengmian as family, until he met Cangse Sanren and decided to flee into the wild. Back then, he had left everything he knew, happy to disappear and be alone with his lover, thinking he would find happiness in solitude.
Yet here he stands, surrounded by more siblings he ever remembers having, each of them fussing and commenting about tradition and tomorrow’s outfit or this or that… And normally such scenes would tire him. But not today. Today, he sees Jiang Fengmian’s smile as he holds the bronze mirror. He feels Sisi combing his hair while Wei Wanyue and Wei Mingyan are debating on which oil scent is the best… While Wei Zhenjiu stares doubtfully at his brother’s choice of clothes for tomorrow and Wei MingYao asks:
“You’re sure about this?”
Wei Changze’s answer is easy for once:
“I’ve never been more sure.”
He wants this, even though he never knew he would. Once upon a time, he even believed he didn’t need it. And maybe he doesn’t, but he is glad he still has it today.
“Changze, are you crying?”
He nods, unashamed by this display of emotion. He fought all his life to become a ghost, a shadow one would pass by and never notice. He had been so scared for most of his life, scared to be seen, to be noticed, scared this attention would bring another disaster on him. Yet today he is at the center of attention, the target of all this love and he feels nothing but joy. He still doesn’t remember any of his siblings, no memory is resurfacing, but this doesn’t matter anymore. Tomorrow he is getting married to the woman he loves, the future is bright and open and he feels like he has all the time of his life ahead of him.
He can make as many new memories with them as he wants.
Things are not perfect: there’s probably dozens of things they have to talk about, with Wei Mingyao, Wei Minyan, secrets and sad stories they have to share… but they have all the time in the world to talk to his siblings about the hundred things they missed while they were apart.
All the time in the world to get to know them and meet them as they all are now.
All the time in the world to get over the past that dragged each of their steps for so long.
All the time in the world to finally… finally have a chance to be happy.
“Those are tears of joy,” he admits, with a smile.
And he lets himself be wrapped into a hug, be seen, be loved. Fengmian remains at a safe distance, probably not wanting to intrude on this family reunion, but Wei Changze decides to follow the impulse and drags him into the hug too.
“I’m glad I’ve found my way back to Lotus Pier,” he whispers to him.
Fengmian smiles, moved, and pats his sworn brother’s head back, his voice tight with emotions: “I’m glad you’ve made it your home.”
There is no other place Wei Changze would rather be.
Notes:
Se you all on tuesday for the last chapter !!!
Chapter 105: A bright future together - Part 1
Notes:
Are you all ready for the last chapter ? =) The first part is here!
Tomorrow second part, on thursday there will be a third part on friday too !! I hope you'll like every single one x)
Now wish good luck my poor beta-readers fraudulent_moose and nashapixie who will have lot of work every day of this week xDI will have to think of something to say for the last chapter too *gasp* i'm very bad at giving speech...One thing is sure i want to thank every reader who made it through the last chapter, you're amazing and it made me happy to share this story with you <3
Now i will leave you with the first part of the last chapter and i will think of something to say that might be a little bit better for tomorrow !!
Chapter Text
Lotus Pier is overwhelmed by red today. It almost feels like it’s burning bright and warm. It’s a chilly morning and yet none of them can feel the cold. All the breeze carries is the sound of the kids’ laughters and the scent of the banquet waiting to be devoured.
Jiang Cheng wavers on Meng Yao’s shoulders. They are trying to hang one of the last red lanterns up to the ceiling. It’s their last surprise for Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze. Meng Yao gets on his tiptoes, and it helps a bit, but Wei Wuxian still finishes before he does, perched on Nie Mingjue’s back. Lan Zhan is trying to fix one of the lanterns instead of putting it up, with the help of his older brother. Nie Huaisang and Wanrong are far behind, painting on the lantern at the last minute.
“Is it done?” Jiang Yanli asks them.
She comes back from the kitchen, where she showed Jin Zixuan the plate they will all eat, to make sure he was okay with it and wouldn’t feel forced to eat anything he didn’t feel comfortable with.
“Almost done!” Swears Wei Wuxian even if it isn’t true.
Nie Mingjue throws him up in the air so he can put his talisman on the ceiling. Immediately, the wood changes before their eyes, reflecting the whole place like a bronze mirror. It’s beautiful, the light of the lanterns reflecting everywhere, like the room is endless in the dark. The plate shines in the dark and it’s like tiny spirits are playing on the water. It gives an eerie feeling to the place.
Jiang Yanli lets out a gasp, more aware than ever of the spiritual energy of the place.
“How did you do that?” Wonders Jin Zixuan, blinking.
Wei Wuxian grins: “It’s a secret!”
Wei Wuxian worked on this since the wedding had been announced and sure hopes his mom is going to be impressed. He made it all by himself!
Nie Zonghui seems as surprised as him and comments “Wood is destroyed by metal elements, will it be fine? Won’t it risk collapsing on our heads?”
“Dunno! It would be fun!” Says Wei Wuxian to that risk.
“Don’t worry, I checked his work, it’s safe,” assures Jiang Yanli.
Jiang Cheng has other priorities. He nods, proud of their work: “Auntie Cangse Sanren loves lanterns, she will be happy to see this.”
“Oh no!” MianMian gasps suddenly. “It’s starting to rain!”
What she says is the truth, the sky has turned grey outside and the first drops are falling. All adults and guests in the courtyard take refuge on the terrace. Some disciples are rushing on the roof, ready to extend large clothes to protect the main courtyard from the pour.
“I like rain!” States Nie Huaisang.
“Me too, but it’s troublesome for the wedding,” explains Meng Yao to the boy, taking him in his arms as soon as he puts down Jiang Cheng. It is merely to stop him from jumping in the first puddle.
“Isn’t it a bad omen?” Comments Mo Wanrong—and she catches Wei Wuxian before the boy dives head first into the mud.
Meng Yao doesn’t answer, watching the sky with a heavy heart. He supposes it could be seen that way, he doesn’t quite believe in omens (he couldn’t, not when his very birth can be seen as nothing but bad by society) but he can’t help thinking about the future-manual. Normally, Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze should have died, years ago. Maybe it’s the world’s answer to their survival, a warning, a statement: this should not be.
Just as he thinks that, Wen Ning gasps by his side and he notices how the lanterns warm up in the grey atmosphere. Their light reflects in the puddles on the ground, turning the mud into something otherworldly. Lan Huan closes his eyes next to him and hums something along the drops, like he can hear nature's music.
“I think I’ve got an idea!” Jiang Yanli smiles, takes Wen Qing’s hand and drags her friend away as she rushes inside.
Jinzhu and Yinzhu call all the kids to get inside, as the procession is about to arrive and they follow. A few minutes later, Meng Yao notices how the disciples from the roof are adding petals on the clothes that cover the yard, while some get down and are now putting flower shaped lanterns on the lotus pond.
“It’s beautiful” comments Jin Zixuan, amazed.
“That’s A-Li, she makes everything beautiful!” Gloats A-Cheng, overly proud.
Nie Zonghui hums in approbation, he didn’t spend much time with the girl but she already won his seal of approval apparently.
Said sister comes back to them and sits, obviously very proud of her little miracle. She carries in her arms cushions to sit on too. Wen Qing trailing behind her has blankets… And a little surprise.
“Just this once,” she tells them as she gets a bag full of candies.
Just as if he was summoned by it, Xue Yang, the new boy that arrived with Cangse Sanren’s martial brother, appears behind them and smirks:
“Candies!”
And he sits by their side like he belongs. Mo Shiyu and Jin Zixun send him a glare, as far off from the group as possible. It would not be a problem normally, but his first movement is to snatch a candy out of Nie Huaisang’s hand. Of course it immediately makes Nie Mingjue and Jiang Cheng angry. While Nie Huaisang’s cheeks puff and his eyes fill with faked tears.
“Give it back to him!” Jiang Cheng roars.
“Okay!” Xue Yang says, and spits the candy in his hand and shoves it in Huaisang’s mouth.
Jin Zixuan’s face turns green and puts a hand on his mouth, gulping down a gag. Jiang Yanli quickly rubs his back.
“Spit that out A-Sang!” Warns Nie Mingjue.
“I thought you wanted him to have it back? Make up your mind!” Xue Yang laughs.
“Please, don’t fight,” asks politely Lan Huan.
“I’m not fighting, they are!”
“Apologize to my brother from stealing his candy!”
“How could I know it was his candy, his name wasn’t written on it! And last night he shared some with me!”
“It was in his hand!” Defends Jiang Cheng.
Nie Zonghui glares at the one who dared steal their Second young master, like he is this close to drawing the sabers he doesn’t have right now.
“And? The candies were in the girl in red’s hands too, yet it’s not her, you all served yourself and took it from her hand too!”
The argument makes Jiang Cheng waver, while Wen Qing rolls her eyes. Nie Mingjue however is older and not easily convinced:
“You know it’s bullshit what you did!”
Xue Yang smirks, that’s true but he is not going to admit it.
“Please everyone, calm down,” pleads Wanrong.
“There is enough candy for everyone, no need to fight," tries Lan Huan again.
Meng Yao sighs. He is used to boys being jealous with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. So he splits the bag of candies into even parts, so that everyone has the same number of sweets. Then he gives one of his own to A-Sang so the boy can stop crying—aware that Jiang Cheng, Nie Zonghui, Lan Wangji, Wen Ning and even Nie Mingjue are doing the same, ruining his work.
Xue Yang does look at his three candies in his palm, surprised to be counted in this. But Wei Ying went to give his cousin, Mo Shiyu her share too, and Jin Zixuan gave some to Zixun, despite the two of them not wanting to play with the others. So he supposes the kids are just stupidly generous like rich people are allowed to be sometimes. Xue Yang doesn’t have time to savor it though as, Xiao Xingchen arrives:
“Xue Yang, where have you been, I looked everywhere for you…”
The bird on his shoulders squeaks angrily as if it is repeating exactly the same thing but ruder.
Nie Huaisang’s eyes fall on the immortal pet and looks like he is mesmerized. Wei Ying jumps on his feet and asks Xiao Xingchen to sit with them, since he is family too. The man, too polite to refuse, indulges the little kid. But he still waits for Xue Yang’s answer, not breaking eye contact even once. Xue Yang pouts:
“Seems like you didn’t look hard enough, I wasn't that far off you know. Just sitting on the roof near the guy in black and the one playing guqin! "
He points out vaguely in the direction of the roof, where the two figures are still, despite the rain. Besides Xue Yang doesn’t care about them, he was too busy spying on Xiao Xingchen, maybe the man didn’t notice him, but that’s just because:
“You probably didn’t notice because you were too busy making heart eyes at the other guy!”
“I’m not making heart eyes at Song Lan,” Xiao Xingchen defends. “I’m just keeping him company since he knows no one here, just like us.”
Xue Yang huffs, not convinced. For once the bird seems to side with him because he uses its beak to tap Xiao Xingchen’s cheek at the mention of Song Lan.
“He can sit with us too,” proposes Wei Ying. “That way he can know us too!”
“Yes, and he is the only guy that is not in the Wei side of the family so he is welcome!” Adds Jiang Cheng.
“I’m not from the Wei side of the family” points out Nie Zonghui.
“Yes, if you were from one side, you would be Jiang, since you’re my master’s son,” adds Jiang Yanli with a smile that makes Nie Zonghui look away and Jin Zixuan frowns.
“Song Zichen is friends with one of the Wei uncles,” points out Meng Yao, and Jiang Cheng groans at that.
“How very kind of you,” smiles Xiao Xingchen. “Then I will invite him over.”
Just like that, he leaves and Xue Yang angrily puts another candy in his mouth, crunching it under his teeth. The bird leaves Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder and lands on Xue Yang’s head, as usual. But he is all angry and puffing, like all his feathers were rubbed the wrong way. And honestly? Same feeling! Stupid Xingchen, since when did Song Zichen became Song Lan exactly? He just got his eyes on them for like, half an hour yesterday and now look at them… What’s next? They will build a house together and marry too? Yerk. What does Xiao Xingchen even see in this man? He is boring, he didn’t laugh at Xue Yang’s teasing even once.
“Ah. Xue Yang—”
Xue Yang turns his head as a blanket is thrown on his shoulders. Xiao Xingchen sends him a smile:
“You’re drenched, be careful, I don't want you to catch a cold.”
“Do you often catch a cold?” Inquires Jiang Yanli.
Xue Yang huffs in protest, he just had one! Once! He is fine now. It’s just Xiao Xingchen who is too kind for his own good.
“Here, if you’re sensitive to cold, I will sew something on your blanket,” offers Jiang Yanli, getting out of her robe a sewing kit and getting to work.
Urgh, the hell, is Lotus Pier full of kind people? Xue Yang doesn’t say anything, embarrassed by the affection and attention on him. Xiao Xingchen however thanks the young Jiang mistress and says:
“Master, please, keep an eye on Xue Yang for me.”
The bird chirps as a reply. Jiang Yanli’s enchantment starts to work pretty fast, he is feeling warmer now. That or it might be too late already and Xue Yang can feel the fever coming right now, as he sees his martial brother leaves. Stupid. He wouldn’t have caught a fever if he had just spent time with him instead of Song Lan! Why is he even called Lan anyways?
“Hey, is Song Lan from your family?” He asks the two boys in white.
“No,” tells him the boy named Lan Huan. “The only ones from our family here are us, Lan Juan, Lan Yuan and our uncle, Lan Qiren.”
Huh, he was pretty sure the guy on the roof was from their family. He even had a ribbon on his head. Well, it isn’t his problem. He sits back and waits for the wedding to start. Just as he does, he notices Nie Huaisang putting a sullied candy on his hair with a smirk, as if trying to lure the bird with it.
“You little shit!”
Nie Huaisang smirks back, like a little monster, and Xue Yang changes his mind, instead of kicking the five years old he decides to tickle him. Nie Huaisang giggles loudly. This is apparently the good answer because he doesn’t get much more than a “language!” from Xiao Xingchen when he comes back. Not even the protective brother and the boy’s cousin protest this time.
The tickle fight has to end though, as at one point the procession finally arrives in the courtyard. Though this time, the bird lands on Nie Huaisang’s hand and decides to stay near the marvelled boy. Nie Huaisang doesn’t look much at the procession because of that, heck he barely dares to breathe, too afraid to make the pet go away.
The tradition wants the bride to go from their old home to their new one, but since Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze already live here, it is just for show. Jiang Fengmian asked two boats to be decorated and each one carries one of the betrothed. They come from the other side of the river to here, explains Jiang Yanli sweetly. From where they sit, they can see the boats getting closer and closer, all draped in red.
It takes only a few minutes for all the guests to surround them, as they got the best spot. The children part, each taking the opportunity to sit closer to their relatives. Well, not everyone. Wen Qing takes Wen Ning in her arms and gets in between her granny and Lan Yuan and Lan Juan. She sends the Lan couple a shy smile, as if to ask permission and it earns a tap on the top of her head.
“Here, give me Wen Ning, I missed my little boy!” Lan Juan even requires, giggling as the little kid accepts her demand.
“I’ve got a panda now, I named him Momo, ” he explains to Lan Juan. “He is a good panda, not a bad one.”
“Oh that’s amazing! Tell me, what do you plan to teach Momo first?”
“L-Lot of things. A-Cheng promised to help m-me. A-also, are you going to make Momo a little brother one day?”
“I’m sorry I'm not very good at making pandas.” Apologizes Lan Juan.
“He wants a human baby brother.”
Lan Yuan almost chokes on his tea next to his wife.
“Really? How convenient!” She looks at Wen Qing, who does stare down, avoiding Lan Juan’s knowing glance.
Fortunately, Lan Juan is on the Wen sibling’s side and she chuckles.
“I don’t know, this kind of thing takes a lot of time, you’ll have to ask my husband—”
“How did we get from talking about pandas to baby making?!” Laments her husband.
“Kids logic. You should get used to it, A-Ning and A-Qing want a baby brother, who are we to refuse them? Can it be a baby sister? I would like a daughter too.”
“Why not both?” Whispers Wen Qing, her cheeks red.
“Both it is then, you hear them dear?”
“I don’t know how to take care of a baby!”
“I think you’re doing great!” Tries to comfort Wen Qing, eagerly.
Lan Qiren huffs at Lan Yuan being cornered, then he looks at Lan Zhan and wonders.
Yesterday he went through Cangse Sanren’s parenting advice, and while some of them are utter bullshit and against every rule of Cloud Recesses… not all of them are stupid. Some are even sound. He wishes he had known about it before, when his nephews went to live with him. Like the one about warm milk, he thought babies didn’t need milk once they reached a certain age. He supposes it’s never too late to start. There’s a bunny plushie he saw in the market this morning, as he wandered across the stall, he could offer it to his nephew as a “welcome back” gift. After all he spent one month alone and behaved well, sure the boy cannot have pets, but he obviously likes rabbits, and no rules forbid him from having toys. As long as he doesn’t behave badly because of his possessions or become greedy he can have whatever he wants. But none of this matters right now as it is a subject for later… For now however...
He coughs to dissipate his embarrassment. He is fully aware of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan watching him not far, as if they know what he is about to say. As if he is passing a test. A bit embarrassed, Lan Qiren turns his head to his nephews and asks:
“Do you want to share the blanket with me?”
“No it’s okay Uncle, we’re good,” tells him Lan Huan.
And it’s true, he is already sharing a blanket with Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao. While Lan Zhan is cuddling with Wei Wuxian under another. They seem alright.
“Be careful Lan Zhan, I don't want you to catch another cold.”
“Mn,” promises the boy.
Well, it is enough, he won’t scold them for the promiscuity. The book said children need a bit of promiscuity and while he is very proud of his nephews and how well behaved they are… They do seem happier at Lotus Pier than at Cloud Recesses.
But he has other concerns very soon.
In the main courtyard, the two betrothed finally arrive, disembarked from their boat. And both are wearing a matching veil on their heads, walking side by side and holding hands.
Lan Qiren lets out bewildered gasp:
“What is happening? Is… he wearing a veil? Is that Wei Changze?!”
Lan Yuan is trying to hold off his own laughter, while his wife is lovingly pressing to his side.
“Aw that’s so cute, would you do that for me too?”
“Hm. Rule 785.”
“Aw! You would do it!” Lan Juan squeals.
“That’s the rule about laundry.” Comments Lan Qiren, not amused.
“It’s the closest to a yes I could find.” Lan Yuan states.
Lan Qiren doesn’t believe him, but he knows better that Lan Yuan can be insufferable sometimes, so he drops the subject and gets another look at Wei Changze. With a veil.
“Why is he even doing this…”
It’s a miracle that Jiang Fengmian manages to keep a straight face and explains very seriously:
“Well, since Cangse Sanren is paying for the wedding, Wei Changze guessed he was the bride and decided to assume the role.”
Yu Ziyuan scoffs, her arms crossed on her chest and tells her sworn sister: “The coward is just wearing a veil though.”
“There wasn’t enough time to sew him a bridal robe,” Jiang Fengmian reminds her.
“Attempt the impossible!” Shouts Yu Ziyuan, and to everyone's utter disbelief, Jiang Fengmian finally lets out a fond laugh.
Lan Qiren blinks at the two of them, he can’t believe it’s the Violet spider and the Jiang Sect leader he used to see bicker not so long ago. So many things have changed! He has to admit that not all changes are bad, even though he is still angry at the tradition being stepped on while no one but him seems to care. Madam Jin even adds, chuckling next to Madam Qin:
“Maybe he did this to avoid passing the bride’s family’s trials!”
Jiang Fengmian winces, remembering suddenly the trial he had to overcome to get his lady’s hand. Let’s just say that the Yu family was not easily pleased.
“Probably!” Approves Yu Ziyuan. “Cangse Sanren proposed some trial she wanted to overcome to get her bride, but we had to draw the line somewhere and tell her no. Most of the suggestions were too dangerous or stupid!”
“Why am I not surprised?”
Suddenly Wei Wuxian jumps to his feet, as if he just noticed his parent’s arrival and points out:
“That’s my mommy and daddy! Aren’t they pretty Lan Zhan?”
While Jiang Cheng proudly states: “It’s my sister who made all the embroideries on the veils and the robe!”
Jiang Yanli is too shy to gloat, but she definitely sits a little straighter after receiving compliments from her friends, and precises:
“I sewed butterfly patterns because Auntie Cangse’s favorite story is about an immortal prince and a ghost who uses butterflies. I tried to put the pattern everywhere on her and uncle’s veil so they could match.”
Jin Zixuan doesn’t look very impressed—despite his mother pinching him so he would send a compliment. He does manage to say something good after MianMian and Wen Qing manage to make Jiang Yanli talk about the enchantment that she imbued the thread with.
“Aw Uncle, don’t cry,” Wei Ying whispers, as he notices his Uncle-cannot sniffing behind him.
“I’m not—” the old man says.
But he definitely is and his soon-to-be-wife pats his back. Mo Wanrong and Mo Shiyu silently sits closer to her dad, each taking one of his hands to comfort him. Still, Wei Ying looks at his uncle, and doesn’t know what to do.
“Those are tears of joy, little nephew,” tells him auntie Mingyan behind her fan.
“Your uncle is alright, he is just moved.” Adds uncle Mingyao.
Wei Ying thinks it’s weird for people to cry when they’re happy: they should be smiling! Though once or twice he did manage to make Jiang Cheng cry when he tickled him long enough. He doesn’t ponder on this long though, as he notices his parents entering the ancestral hall.
“Quick or we will miss them seeing the surprise!” He shouts, running ahead.
“If you scream like that, they will know about the surprise before they see it,” warns Wen Qing.
They all rush to the Ancestral hall and reach it just before Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze do. Wei Ying almost trips but fortunately Meng Yao catches him by his robe’s collar before he meets the ground, puts him back on his feet and smooths the fabric in one heartbeat, Wei Wuxian barely having the time to notice all that, ready to run again. Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue exchange a knowing glance, as older brothers, they know what it feels like .
Wei Ying arrives right on time to savor his mother’s gaps and see how she puts her hands on her mouth, moved by the dozen of lanterns they hung behind their back.
“Mother loves lanterns!” He explains to Uncle-cannot -because he should know. Then he turns to his parents and shouts: “Happy wedding!”
Cangse Sanren doesn’t crouch to get at their level—this movement hurts her too much—but Wei Changze does and opens his arms.
“Did you do this little scoundrel?”
“Hm! Jiang Cheng had the idea, everyone helped. I did the talisman on the roof!”
Cangse Sanren looks up and notices the way the wood reflects the light like a bronze mirror.
“How did you even do this… Wood is so far away from metal in the creative circle! You’ll have to show me your spell!”
Even Lan Qiren seems impressed: inventing a talisman at such a young age, when the boy doesn’t even have a solidified golden core yet! Though all Wei Ying asks as a recompense is a hug and that’s what he gets, from both of his parents, before they have to put him down and resume the ceremony.
“Thank you A-Ying, it’s perfect!” They kiss him on the forehead through the veils before they kneel in front of the funeral plates. Wei Changze easing his wife’s movement.
Wei Mingyao asked yesterday how a Jiang wedding should be held, then asked for authorization to hold the ceremony. Of course Fengmian accepted, as it was Wei Changze’s brother’s request. The monk does a wonderful job, one would not guess he’d never done that before.
First they bow to heaven and earth, but when the time to bow to ancestors arrives, they stop. Veiled as they are, it is difficult to know what they are thinking, but Wei Ying guesses something is up, so he raises to his feet and takes Uncle-cannot’s hand.
“You have to move!”
And he drags him near the ancestor plates. Guessing what his intentions are, Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli and Meng yao start to do the same with the other Wei siblings. In a couple of seconds, half of the guests find themselves sitting behind the altar where the ancestors plates are on display. Mo Wanrong surprises everyone by running outside and coming back with Cangse Sanren’s parents’ portraits too, which she gives to her father so he can hold it.
“Thank you,” whispers Wei Changze to them.
He does not have his parents’ funeral plates in front of him—never wished for it—so he is happy to have his siblings and his wife’s relatives instead.
Cangse Sanren hesitates, then she taps on the top of the funeral plates, sheepishly asking:
“Master?”
The little golden sparrow squeaks, as if surprised to be called. But then it flies off Nie Huaisang’s hand and lands on the altar near the incense.
“Thank you,” Cangse Sanren says. Fortunately no one could see her eyes fill with tears again.
“Fengmian?” Asks Wei Changze.
Fengmian blinks, one time, and points himself with his finger, bewildered, as if his friend is sure he is referring to this Fengmian.
“Aren’t you my sworn brother?” Wei Changze says, and fortunately his smirk is hidden behind the veil.
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes, and helps her husband up, walking with him behind the altar.
“It’s getting more crowded here than with the guests,” she comments, sitting on Cangse Sanren’s side. After all she is her sworn sister, is she not?
The couple laughs. Indeed, all that remains of the guests are the Lan delegation, Song Zichen, Madam Jin, Madam Qin, their kids in the delegation, Master Nie and his son. At one point, someone dragged Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang to Cangse Sanren’s side of the family too.
“Well, sorry for having a big family!” Gloats Cangse Sanren.
She looks around a second time, and while no one knows, notices her blob-son among the crowd behind the altar. Wei Changze and her exchange a smile. Once upon a time they had only been a small family of three, one would never guess now...
It is only then that the couple bows to the parents.
When they stand up, they turn to each other and give the other one respectful final bow. And just like that, they are married.
Or not quite, as they have to unveil the bride. Or more accurately the brides. Cangse Sanren is the first one to act and she tenderly ups the veil out of her now-husband’s face. She is happy to see him smile underneath all the layers.
“Hello you, I missed those eyes!” she whispers, teasing, rubbing her nose against his.
“I missed you too.” Wei Changze says, unveiling her too. “It’s been too long.”
“You haven’t seen each other for one single night!” Complains Yu Ziyuan.
“You didn’t even manage to not see the other yesterday!”
“And I nearly died of starvation!” Cangse Sanren dramatises, faking illness.
Wei Changze mirrors her movement as if about to faint.
The kids laugh, used to their antics. Everyone return to their seat, as Wei Mingyao brings the goods for the next tradition. he does have to wait a bit though because of the shameless couple:
“You’re beautiful” whispers Wei Changze.
“You’ll have to thank Sisi for that, and Madam Yu, especially Madam Yu for the red eye-liner. I don’t know how to apply those things on my own!”
“I should bow a second time to your parents too,”
“If you do that I’ll have to kick your parents’ gra—”
Wei Mingyao coughs, interrupting them.
“Do you mind?”
“I do, my husband is being romantic!”
“If you don’t let me finish he will never be your husband...”
The argument convinces her, even if she does pout at that. Wei Changze snorts as his brother ties up the couple’s wrists to one another with a red and purple ribbon decorated by a Clarity bell. It's the same one that will be given to Cangse Sanren once the ceremony will be over. It rings as the two of them take a filled cup. They both wrap their elbows together, crossing their arms to symbolize their new partnership. Wei Changze frowns at the transparent liquid:
“Now you have the proof that I love you,” he grumbles and puts the cup to his lips.
Cangse Sanren carefully watches him as she drinks her cup and sees his expression softens. He blinks and looks at the liquid, surprised.
She can’t help it, she giggles: “We replaced the alcohol with ceremonial tea,”
Wei Changze’s expression turns so tender for one second and he can’t help himself, he puts a kiss on his wife’s lips.
“I love you,” he whispers, this time with not a single trace of doubt or resentment.
“Aw, thank you! But actually you love Jiang Fengmian, he is the one who came up with this solution! Maybe you should kiss him. I just pointed out I didn't want to start our wedding life by forcing you to drink alcohol!”
Wei Changze turns his face to his best friend and sworn brother and states then, with a very serious and solemn expression:
“Then next time, I’m marrying you, Fengmian.”
Jiang Fengmian almost falls from his seat, and Yu Ziyuan raises one eyebrow at them while Madam Jin growls in the background, but is calmed down by her sworn sister’s hand on her shoulder.
“You’ll have to go past me for that!” Yu Ziyuan provokes, amused.
“I will fight for my husband’s future husband!” Replies Cangse Sanren, joyful.
Sisi who waited several days to take her revenge dares say:
“Maybe all four of you should marry each other then!”
“Oh, yeah let’s do that, I’m the one kissing Madam Yu!” Cangse Sanren smirks.
She goes down with a yelp, a cushion hitting the back of her head.
Mo Shisheng is the first one to break and snort, and for the longest time, the sound of laughter covers the music of the rain outside.
Chapter 106: A bright future together - Part 2
Notes:
Thank yous o much for every single reader who commented on yesterday chapter <3 I loved it every single comment and i'm so happy you guys loved the wedding scene <3 Besides some comments make me reconsiderate and rework one scene and add another in one of the next part xD My poor beta i went from "it's done you cna edit!" to "I WANT TO ADD A NOTHER SCENE HELP" They're amazing because instead of throwing me out like "NO WE JUST FINISHED BETA READING THIS PART MELIE" they were really supportive. I'm lucky to have them. and you're also lucky to have them because this chapter is beta-read by Fraudulent_Moose and nashapixie again =)
I hope you'll enjoy the after party too ;)
I'm still working on my end of the first-half speech >o<
Chapter Text
The rest of the day is peaceful, the banquet is relocated inside since it’s pouring, but no one complains. The sight of the water falling down the rooftops, dragging countless lotus petals is mesmerizing. Little spirits are playing in the rain too, dancing between the drops and the light of the lanterns.
The kids are done eating already, they shoved everything inside their mouths and gulped it down, eager to return to playing. They’re entertained with the pets that are allowed inside: Wufa the cat has found its way on Lan Huan’s lap, teased by MengYao and Nie Mingjue. The bunnies are being petted by Lan Zhan, Wei Ying and Jiang Yanli, while Nie Huaisang is still trying to play with the immortal bird, helped by Wanrong and Nie Zonghui. MianMian is more interested with the baby panda that Wen Ning cuddles like a cat, under Wen Qing’s supervision. Jiang Cheng is a little bit farther, playing with the dogs, and Jin Zixuan obviously wants to participate but is reluctant to get himself close to the rain and the mud. The baby Qin Su is new to the gang, her mother finally, very reluctantly, agreeing to let her go and meddle with the others, she runs from one group to another with starry eyes, while Madam Qin watches, worried, only calmed down by Yinzhu and Jinzhu.
Wei Changze finds the time to catch up a bit with his two new siblings. He easily gets along with Wei Mingyao, who is a lot like Wei Wanyue, nothing but kindness, patience and generosity. It’s a bit harder with Madam Nie: at first he thought it was because he could not forget her title or their allegiance to different sects, but he quickly finds out it’s more complicated than that. While most of his siblings didn’t mind him not remembering anything—Sisi was sad, of course, Wei Wanyue called it a blessing, Zhengjiu related, as he had nothing to share either… And Mingyao quickly forgave him for forgetting…Wei Mingyan made a strange expression when she learned about it, as if she had tasted a bitter lemon, and quickly retreated behind her fan.
“Did you really forget or did you not want to remember? Did you lie to yourself until you believed it?” She asks once, during this banquet, probably a little bit intoxicated by alcohol.
She is not slurring but her voice drags a bit at the end of her sentence.
Wei Changze is surprised by the first question, as it is too accurate to not hurt, but relieved by the second.
“I try not to tell myself lies anymore,” he says.
And after that Wei Mingyan’s whole demeanour softens and she whispers:
“Good”
It sounds like a blessing, so Wei Changze supposes they’re fine. She even drags him back into the festivities, pushing him so he gets teased as he should be.
“You’re the bride after all!”
People exchange pleasantries with each other, laughing at the whole situation and the traditions being stepped on. It doesn’t help that Cangse Sanren laughs so much she can’t pour tea to all the Wei siblings like she should… Or that Wei Changze runs out of said tea before he can give each member of Cangse Sanren’s family a cup.
“Well there’s not enough tea! Of course, a marriage is supposed to have only one bride! I thought Wei Changze would be the only bride!” Uncle-cannot chuckles.
“Why? I’m a bride too! I wanted to wear a veil!” Explains Cangse Sanren, and she hugs Jiang Yanli. “My little A-Li sewed my robe especially for me, there was no way I would not wear it!”
Someone is trying to get around the family tree—it might be Lan Qiren, he is like that, trying to call everyone by their proper title and names and all. But it leads to a big confusion about who is what and who married who. At some point Meng Shi and Sisi being a couple is revealed, just after saying that Cangse Sanren and Meng Shi are sworn sisters now (Cangse Sanren takes the opportunity to tell Madam Jin there is only one spot left open, so if she wants to—). Mo Shisheng has the bad idea to joke about it:
“Seems I’m not the only one who accidentally married their in-law!”
Sisi sends him the nastiest glare as she says:
“I still didn’t receive the invitation for your marriage.”
Uncle-cannot gulps and whisper to his lover Wei Wanyue with dread:
“I think she really doesn’t like me...”
“I’m afraid you’re right, you’re her least favorite in-law. And she has many at this point.”
This leads somehow to a long discourse about love from Cangse Sanren that is only interrupted by Wei Changze kissing her in front of everyone. Wei Changze sums up his now-wife’s discourse, his expression flat:
“If you like something you kiss it.”
Cangse Sanren hides behind her hands and lets out something “as incoherent as her writing is unreadable” quote from Yu Ziyuan.
Madam Jin finally—after much deliberation—asks to speak to Meng Shi, and it feels like a truce has been reached. She sits next to her for the remainder of the banquet, leaving a spot empty for Madam Qin if she wants to join. The two women discuss and even share a few drinks. At one point, Madam Jin, a little bit intoxicated too, mumbles something about the wedding night to the newly-weds, and they both looks at each other, scandalized:
“What do you mean you aren’t a virgin? Did you lie to me?” Gasps Cangse Sanren.
“I’m so sorry. My virtue has been stolen by a rogue cultivator years ago. We could cut my finger and put blood on our sheet, no one will know,” says Wei Changze.
“I am not worried about it, what I worry about is this: is my son even mine?” Cangse Sanren continues, dramatically: “How can I know you didn’t have him with Fengmian!”
Fengmian shakes his head at their nonsense and Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes before she sends a cushion at their faces. It’s good to be able to joke about such a matter, when it once made them so uncomfortable.
***
As usual during celebrations like this, time is weird, fragmented.
At one point the Lan offer to play a song, and then there’s music all the time after that. Jiang Yanli shows the adults a dance she prepared for the occasion, and is joined by all the other girls and Nie Huaisang. They are adorable, even if Madam Jin and Madam Yu make strange faces the whole time, obviously having trouble hiding their second hand embarrassment in front of such performances again. Someone calls Cangse Sanren there, Wei Changze carries her to the table. Wei Ying sees this and decides to mimic them by carrying Lan Zhan the same way, except he doesn’t have enough arm strength and ends up walking like a crab, his face all red while Jiang Cheng laughs. Lan Juan tries to scare off the other kids with a ghost story, except she trips while impersonating the ghost and ends up in a vase, making everyone laugh. Yanli’s master thinks the poor Lan Juan is drunk, so he asks for more alcohol to show his support. They need more booze—then suddenly Lan Huan’s head falls into his plate and they need less booze and definitely to get the remaining drinks outside of the kids’ reach (fortunately Lan Huan is alright, he wakes up only a few minutes later and starts a game of tag with Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue, giggling and talking like every word needs three exclamation points). The chase ends with him hugging his uncle and stating he is the best uncle. Which of course starts a war among all the uncles in the room—and they’re are a lot. No one gets to know the winner, it gets lost in the turmoil of festivities.
Before they realize it, it is already evening.
Cangse Sanren would have loved to spend the whole day with her husband, but they both also want to spend time with their respective families. They've had one another for years now, and while they have something prepared to make their wedding night special, they can wait a bit and savor their relatives’ company longer. And use the opportunity to have everyone reunited in the same place to talk about the things they cannot postpone anymore.
One glance at the kids innocently playing together is enough to convince them.
Lan Yuan is the first person she manages to corner—not that it is very difficult, he and his wife are cuddling one another, obviously in their own little world. This whole celebration reminds them of their own marriage. She doesn’t want to disturb them but she wants to know how things are going, she noticed the new ribbon in Lan Juan’s hair, which means they listened to them but…
Fortunately she doesn’t have to wonder long, as Lan Zhan walks near the healer couple.
“Second young master!” Lan Juan calls, with a bright smile. “Come here a bit, would you?”
Lan Zhan looks at Nie Huaisang, Wen Ning and Jin Zixuan, whom he was heading to, but then nods, obeying to the adults. He sits near them on the terrace, his little legs not reaching the ground. Lan Yuan apologizes for the promiscuity, and then checks the boy’s temperature and pulse.
“You’re definitely feeling better.” He smiles.
Lan Zhan nods, aware of that, he is. He didn't think he was sad before, but he wasn’t happy either. Now he is.
“Do you know who is also feeling a little bit better?” Asks Lan Juan.
Lan Zhan takes a moment to think, as if he could guess, but then shakes his head negatively.
“Your father,” says Lan Yuan.
The healer turns his lead slightly in Cangse Sanren’s direction, making clear he knows she is here and can hear this too.
“I’ve been checking on his health for years now, and he is definitely getting better. You might be able to see him more than once a month when you’ll return to Cloud Recesses.”
“Seclusion?” Asks Lan Zhan.
“Ah, yes he is not out of seclusion, but his Qi settled a bit, which means he is less likely to be sick—” Lan Yuan starts, before he gets interrupted by Lan Juan (after all the boy is too young to understand so many details): “It’s your father’s decision to get out of seclusion, but now, he can because he is less sick than before.”
“Not like Mom?”
Lan Juan and Lan Yuan’s expressions soften, and Lan Juan lets out a relieved whisper:
“Yes young master, hopefully this means you won’t lose your father like your mother.”
Cangse Sanren smiles: that’s good news. She had hoped Liu Hua’s memory would help Qingheng-Jun. But she had also been scared Liu Hua’s memory would do more harm than good. After all her decisions during this whole affair weren’t always the best. The evocation of his parents seems to make Lan Zhan happy, but also reminds him of something. He raises up to his feet, bows to Lan Yuan and Lan Juan, and then runs to Cangse Sanren, gripping her robe.
“Can I show Mom to A-Huan?” He asks.
And suddenly Cangse Sanren realizes there is one more conversation she should have. She smiles and caresses the jade token that is concealed under her robe.
“Of course, let’s go and find him.”
Lan Huan is drinking lots— lots —of water in the corner of the room, under Meng Shi’s supervision, trying to get all the alcohol out of his body. Fortunately he is now more lucid.
It doesn’t make the conversation easier. It’s a bit more complicated than with Lan Zhan, as the boy is older. But Lan Yuan and Lan Juan who had been dragged into this by curiosity—they were near when lan Zhan asked that after his mother—help immensely. Bless them for rolling with the explanation and the situation without interrogating Cangse Sanren immediately. They do send their friend a glare that means they will want to know more about it. They won’t like it, when she tells them later, but they will accept this and push the issue away, as for now what matters the most is their young masters.
And the hope does help Lan Huan.
Lan Huan ends up caressing the jade token with kindness and lets out a sob while doing so. For the first time since his mother’s death, he lets tears roll on his cheek. He can feel his mother’s presence under his thumb, pulsing like the new formed golden core in his belly. It eases a pain he hadn’t realized was still there. He knows, as he is older, that his mother won’t come back this easily, that the situation is more complicated than it appears, but for now, he is just happy to have her close again.
***
Wei Changze is also having a big conversation on his own. When he saw his now-wife goes with the two young masters Lan, he guessed what they would talk about, and suspected it would be useful to keep a certain someone busy. After all, there are several people that he should talk to. Of course, before he does, he asks Fengmian the authorization and his sect Leader takes a second or two to judge the benefits and the losses… But he finally says:
“Okay meet me in the office with them,”
Wei Changze nods and goes to fetch the person he needs. It is easy to find Meng Yao, as the boy is waiting with Nie Mingjue for their third friend. Wei Mingyan, the Second Madam Nie (he still feels dizzy every time he thinks about it) is a bit harder to find.
He ends up finding her holding a grand discussion with Xiao Xingchen, Song Zichen and Wei Mingyao. Nie Huaisang peeping to the bird in the middle of them, as if trying to hold a conversation with the pet.
“If you like this bird so much, A-Sang, maybe you could work on your cultivation and have one yourself.” Wei Mingyan whispers behind her fan.
“If I became a great cultivator I could make birds?” The boy asks Xiao Xingchen, with starry eyes.
“Well, immortals can use their golden cores to give birth, but it is not specifically a bird,” precises Xiao Xingchen.
Wei Changze raises an eyebrow. This is an interesting bit of knowledge he is sure his now-wife would love to know.
“In our archives it is also said, that immortals can extend their domains, the spiritual place that represents their own selves, outside their bodies.” Song Zichen adds carefully.
Nie Huaisang doesn’t care much about domain, though Xiao Xingchen looks curious. It gives Wei Changze the opportunity to step up and steal his sister away. Wei Mingyao offers his twin to keep an eye on his nephew.
“Just make sure he doesn’t steal the immortal.”
“Not steal!” Protests Nie Huaisang.
“Right, you’re right A-Sang. Please MingMing, make sure A-Sang doesn’t adopt the immortal bird.”
Mingyao laughs and promises.
They had a bit of time yesterday to talk together, Changze and him, and he told his brother that despite having known about Mingyan (and their parents’ deaths already) it’s the first time he ever got to spend time with his nephew. He is used to dealing with children, as he is the one in charge for the youngest recruits at Baixue temple, but it’s just not the same to watch over his own family. Wei Changze can’t help but think he should organize more reunions between all his siblings and their family like this. Even Wei Zhengjiu has started to relax and enjoy his time—if Sisi is still wary around him, Wei Wanyue doubles her effort so he feels included.
By the time they reach Fengmian’s office, Lan Qiren is already sitting there, drinking some tea. The future-events manual is right in front of him, under Fengmian’s hand, but of course the Lan Sect leader doesn’t know. Meng Yao however notices it right away and Wei Changze feels him tense by his side. He puts a comforting hand on the boy’s back, and kindly pushes him inside.
“Don’t worry, I know and I’m not angry.” He adds in a whisper, because he knows what it feels like to be summoned in a room full of adults with something he should not recognize on the table.
Meng Yao relaxes a bit, but he doesn’t open his mouth, sitting in a corner and trying to make himself small and forgettable. It’s a behavior that makes Wei Changze’s heart clench in his chest.
Wei Mingyan must notice something is wrong because she immediately draws her fan and hides half of her expression behind it. Her eyes look everywhere as if expecting an attack.
Wei Changze suspects that none of his siblings went out of their childhood unscathed. They all developed their own shield, Wei Wanyue, for example, needs everyone to love her. She probably feels safer, less likely to be abandoned that way. Sisi lifts her chin and attacks first, tackling the problem head on even if it means she is going to get herself into trouble. It’s too soon to know what Mingyao and Zhengjiu do, but it seems that Wei Mingyan’s coping mechanism is similar to her third brother’s.
Once Wei Changze sits among them, Jiang Fengmian coughs and pushes the manual on the table.
“This is the result of Cangse Sanren’s latest invention.”
They agreed on this cover story since Meng Shi and Sisi had been brought up into the group. It is easier to explain, but also guarantees that no one will accuse the Wei of using demonic cultivation or be influenced by the Iron Yin. If Cangse Sanren learned one thing from Jiang Yanli’s nightmare, it’s this. The cultivation world will never accept this. So they would rather avoid this problem altogether.
“She is testing a device that would allow her to know some future’s events, through dreams and meditation trances and this manual contains what she gathered from her experiences.”
“Future events,” repeats Lan Qiren, stroking his goatee with a frown.
He is the one whose reactions matter the most politically, as he might be able to do the link between Lan Yi, Wei Ying’s condition and this. After all Cloud Recesses healers suspected prophetic dreams too, back then. But if he does, then he says nothing and remains silent. Leaving the one whose reaction matters the most to Wei Changze… Wei Mingyan’s.
The Second Madam Nie raises an eyebrow at this, and surely, the Nie sect might have come from a gruesome background, having a butcher as ancestors… but they also developed a lot of their divination branches, even if they use astral symbols for their arrays most of the time. She doesn’t seem doubtful though, and simply comments loudly, snapping her fan shut:
“Well everyone copes with almost-dying differently. I have heard that the nighthunt you escaped was quite traumatic, if this gives your wife reassurance, then who am I to complain—”
She shrugs, as if she doesn’t care, but her words contradicts her body language:
“Does it work?”
Jiang Fengmian lets out a relieved sigh, and Wei Changze takes over, having prepared his speech. It’s better if he is the one caught lying than his Sect Leader after all:
“We are unsure of that yet, some events have been confirmed, but some are too far off in the future and not something our sect can check on. Cangse cannot control what she sees, and sometimes she manages to get some context, but not precisely. You know how dreams work: sometimes the logic is a bit twisted and weird.”
“This is why we want to share some of the information with you. Does not take this as the truth, maybe simply a… Warning. Of things that may or may not happen. A test phase, if you will, so we can know the accuracy of Cangse Sanren’s device.”
Jiang Fengmian looks especially at Lan Qiren while doing so, as he had been pondering a long time about telling him, especially after the trip in Liu Hua’s memory. Fortunately he has come around and decided that what mattered the most here was the survival of the few Lan they actually like and hope that the next generation will take over. They believe in Lan Yuan, Lan Juan, Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen. And to a certain extent, even if he has been wrong in the past, they believe in Lan Qiren. The uncle does try: Jiang Fengmian witnessed it with his own two eyes during the ceremony.
On the other side of the room, Meng Yao sits still, and Wei Changze looks at him, conscious of the gap between them right now. He wants to make the message even clearer for the boy:
“And of course, if those events aren’t good, we can get a headstart to prevent them from happening.”
Meng Yao’s eyes move up, looking at Wei Changze guiltily still, but a tiny smile, genuine, still appears on his face (Even if the boy tries to hide it immediately behind his knees).
“What are those events?” Lan Qiren asks, frowning.
And so, they open the book and they start with the closest disaster coming: the next conference and the death of the Nie sect leader. Suddenly Wei Mingyan goes very still. Neither her, nor Lan Qiren opened their mouths after that, deep in thought, not even when they talked about the upcoming war and the burning of Cloud Recesses.
Wei Changze is not sure Lan Qiren believes them when he leaves, later, but he doesn’t accuse them of heresy, blasphemy or even slandering. He bows to Jiang Fengmian and just… Returns to the banquet, lost deep in thought.
“He is probably in denial, this is a hard pill to swallow,” comments Wei Mingyan.
“And you aren’t?” He asks his sister.
After all they only met yesterday, he doesn’t expect her to trust him blindly. But the woman surprises him and nods:
“This is of little importance, what matters is that, if this threatens my husband, I will be warned and ready. And for that, you have my gratitude.”
She smiles at Wei Changze, a smile that is a little sad around the edges and that Wei Changze understands, deep in his bones. Because he also has a family he built through teeth, sweat and nails, and he would rather die than see them hurt.
Jiang Fengmian accompanies her back, leaving Wei Changze alone with Meng Yao.
“You knew about me knowing…” The boy murmurs, looking at the ground.
“Yes. Next time, check for warning talismans before taking something that is hidden.”
He blushes at the comment, visibly frustrated with himself.
“But I didn’t expect you to find it in the first place, and for that, I’m really impressed. I thought I hid it well.” Wei Changze offers, as a small comfort. “Maybe next time I will hide it better, I wonder if you’ll manage to find it?”
If he gets the challenge, Meng yao doesn’t show it. It is of no importance in the boy’s mind and he asks, his voice wavering:
“You’re not mad at me?”
Wei Changze thinks about it, truly, but he is getting married today, he is with his family, they are working so the future can only be bright and good, and no, truly he cannot find neither sadness or anger within his soul at the moment. The day is nothing but joy, so he smiles and crouches to meet his ward’s eyes:
“I am not. I would rather have you not know about it, as it is a lot of pressure…-”
“Did you know about it… When you invited me to the Jiang sect?” Blurts Meng Yao.
He knows it’s stupid, he already crossed this possibility of his mind, but he can’t help but… fear. Fear he is being used. Fear he isn’t wanted. And he can barely hide his trembling hands in his sleeve. He doesn't’ know what he would do if—if—but Wei Changze wipes away those fears:
“No. No of course not. We didn’t know how to read the future yet. I invited you because… Well, you reminded me of myself. And I thought you could flourish and be happy with us. Here.”
“I..I am. I am happy here,” Meng Yao quickly confirms.
It is very important that he knows, so he does not chase the Meng away, but also, and more importantly, because it’s true.
“But… B-But you didn’t talk about me spying on the W-Wen… When you talked about the future events to the others...”
And he can’t help but wonder why. It’s not the only thing they left out, of course, they said no word about demonic cultivation and people allying against Wei Ying, either, but that makes sense. It’s to protect their son. Meng Yao, as much as he wants to, isn’t their son. He is—
“Of course we didn’t talk about it,” Wei Changze says, firm. “Because we won’t let that happen. We will find another way. Hopefully we won’t even let this whole war start and you won’t have to—”
“But what if you have to? What if everything happens and you have to, because—”
Well they have to win this war, not only against the Wen, but also against fate. They can’t let the Jiang sect fall, Cloud Recesses burn, they can’t let Jiang Cheng lose his golden core, the Wen sibling, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian die!
Wei Changze’s expression morphs, hardens with that same knowledge, and his hands end on Meng Yao’s head, stopping him, grounding him.
“We won’t let that happen, Meng Yao. Do you remember what your Sect Leader says? Attempt the impossible. Impossible is when you stop searching for another solution and think there is no other choice. We can’t allow ourselves to think that way.”
But Meng Yao can’t help thinking that way. Maybe he does not fit the Jiang sect’s mindset for that. He still thinks that if it’s the price to pay, if it makes sure the war ends, then maybe… Maybe he can endure it. After all, he managed once, in this strange future. That means he can, right? Even if it’s terrifying right now, he can.
“And even if you do end up in the same place… The very fact that you know what is going to happen changes things. We would know where you are.” Continues Wei Changze with a confident smile.
“And so, we will be able to help you. You won’t be alone in this future Meng Yao. You’ll always have us to support you.”
Somehow, Wei Changze’s words are more comforting than this certain future. It’s a fake vow, a pipe dream built on illusions and love, on hope. But it’s what Meng Yao needs to hear the most right now.
“Thank you.”
He hesitates, then freezes, keeping his hands against his chest. Yet Wei Changze seems to guess what his intent has been, and slowly but surely wraps his arms around the boy to drag him into a hug.
“I promise you that we will do our best to keep you all safe.”
Chapter 107: A bright future together - Part 3
Notes:
I cannot express how happy i am. This morning i woke up with tons of e-mail saying someone left me a comment (unfortunately i couldn't answer many today because i had lot of work, i'm just back from the office now and posting this part is the first thing i do...) Thank you. Thank you so much for all the love. I will answer your comment as soon as i can <3 Know that i read each one and i'm beyond happy. I wanted to end this fic with a bang but i didn't expect my heart to go boom too like this...
I'm very lucky to have amazing readers like you <3
And amazing beta-readers who accepted to beta-read this part that was added yesterday after a comment xD I hope you'll enjoy it =D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When Lan Huan comes back, his eyes and noses are all red and puffy. He is smiling but it’s obvious he has been crying. Wen Qing checks if he is still intoxicated with alcohol but Lan Juan and Lan Yuan assure her their First young Master is okay. Lan Huan even says so too. Yet Jiang Yanli isn’t so convinced and neither is Nie Mingjue. When Meng Yao returns in an equally bad state and assures them he is fine too, she decides to take the matter into her own hands. She is going to lift up the mood!
Unfortunately her usual means to do that are not possible, the kitchens are too busy with the banquet and servants would not like to have her in their way. Besides, she noticed how Jin Zixuan didn’t manage to eat much either and she fears that putting him on the spot with everyone would make a third person sad. She also already did a musical and dance show, and while she is sure Nie Huaisang would be happy to dance with her again, while Lan Zhan and A-Xian would play, it’s fairly close to 9pm, some might just fall asleep in the middle of the show.
She is still wondering what to do when she notices Wen Ning playing with Cangse Sanren’s red veil, trying to make Qin Su laugh with it, which gives her an idea. It’s a bit embarrassing and she is not sure she will have the guts to actually pull it, but she wants. Oh she wants so much!
Usually she would ask her shameless little brother for help, but for this matter he might be more of an obstacle. So she goes to the second best option: her friend Wen Qing. It is just convenient that MianMian and Wanrong are also sitting with her. She whispers to them her plan and tries not to blush when Wen Qing raises an eyebrow.
“You’re sure you want that?” She asks, doubtful, sending a glance to Jin Zixuan.
She nods firmly and Wen Qing sighs, resigned. Her friend has bad taste, what can she do about it? Nothing! MianMian however seems to disagree and Wanrong is equally enthusiastic.
“This will be so much fun!”
They are still unsure how to make this happen though. Fortunately, all Wen Qing needs is one faked comment:
“Ah, this wedding is so beautiful, every girl would want one like this.” She sighs dreamily.
Everyone is more surprised by her behavior than her comment. Jiang Yanli almost wants to applaud, she didn’t think her friend had the makings of an actress in her!! It shows she has been trained by both Meng Shi and Wei Changze! However Jiang Cheng is doubtful, his eyes narrow at the girl and he repeats:
“Really? You?”
It earns him a furious glare from Wen Qing. It doesn’t help that Wei Ying and Wen Ning seem equally surprised. He does look at the veil he is playing with though and then hands it to his sister. It does not go according to the plan, she isn’t supposed to be the main focus. It doesn’t help that Lan Juan somehow heard her and is as enthusiastic as a girl:
“Aw our little A-Qing wants to marry! So cute, who is the lucky one?”
“She is too young to think about that!” Protests Lan Yuan in the background, shocked.
Wen Qing would rather put the focus off her, she did that to help her friends, and it would be rather great if said friends would get the message and help. She tries to telepathically communicate with them like sometimes Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze do, putting all her thoughts in her glare. Then suddenly Jiang Yanli and MianMian get the message (Wanrong just stares back, tensed, as if she has been caught doing something bad).
“Ah! Me too, I so wish to have a wedding like this!” Yanli sighs.
It works perfectly, as predictable as the sun’s course through the sky, both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian raise to their feet and promise to their sister:
“We will make you the best wedding ever!”
And it’s MianMian’s turn to act, she leans near Jin Zixuan -who had been gently pulled in the background by Meng Yao—and says:
“Actually we could make you one, since we have your groom here.”
“Huh?!” Is Jin Zixuan’s eloquent response.
Meng Yao closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. Nie Mingjue snorts and Lan Huan giggles at that, they both notice how he tried to save his friend from the conversation, but no one can escape the girls apparently.
“What do you mean huh?! That’s all you have to say about marrying our sister?!” Growls Jiang Cheng.
Jin Zixuan looks at Jiang Yanli, unable to speak, and turns red from head to toe before he decides that the best course of action is to hide behind Meng Yao. Then he realizes Meng yao is smaller than him and decides Nie Mingjue makes a better hiding spot. This of course infuriates Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng even more.
“Don’t worry A-li we’re going to find you a better bride!” States A-Xian out of spite.
Jiang Yanli hums, saddened by Jin Zixuan’s reaction. Wen Ning, noticing it, puts the red veil on her head like a crown and Qin Su gives her a flower—where the little toddler found it, she has no clue. It gives Nie Huaisang an idea and he screams—fueled by sugar:
“Let’s make a wedding!”
Lan Zhan immediately gets near Wei Wuxian and takes his hand. Since Jiang Yanli got the message that she won’t have a fake-wedding with Jin Zixuan tonight, the idea lost its shine. So she would rather have the focus off her and on to another couple, to mend her broken heart. Jiang Yanli doesn’t have the time to suggest they organize a wedding for her XianXian and the Second young Master Lan though, as Nie Zonghui suddenly walks to her, all red and states:
“I don’t mind marrying you.”
Two things happen after that declaration: first Jin Zixuan rushes out of his hiding spot, shocked beyond words, and pushes Nie Mingjue out, who is too shocked by his cousin’s guts to do anything but fall flat on Meng Yao. Lan Huan shows his Lan strength by catching them both in his arms, keeping them from meeting the ground head first.
“She is my betrothed!” Argues Jin Zixuan, red from head to toe -because he is furious, or embarrassed, or both, who knows.
Nie Zonghui doesn’t care and he shows it by replying flatly:
“You clearly showed you didn’t want to marry her.”
“I didn’t say that!” Jin Zixuan claims.
Jiang Yanli’s heart skips a beat and she can’t help smiling. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng however, are not okay with this, they side with Nie Zonghui:
“You acted like it!”
“You don’t deserve our sister!” they say.
“Because he does?” Jin Zixuan points out which at least gives the boys a moment of doubt.
No one deserves Jiang Yanli in their mind. Besides if she marries she is going to another family, it is unacceptable. She stays at Lotus Pier! Nie Zonghui is annoyed by their silence, he is about to say something when suddenly a voice raises behind his back:
“You should have told me you wanted to marry!”
Nie Luozhu, Nie Zonghui’s father laughs loudly.
“They grow up so fast, I turn around for one minute, and they fall in love and get married behind your back!”
This definitely makes Nie Zonghui flees, all red, screaming:
“I’m not!”
“Oh no come back son! Tell me more about your crush!” Asks his father, running after him, obviously having too much fun teasing.
That’s how Jin Zixuan wins by forfeit. He is not sure he likes winning like that. Jiang Yanli doesn’t mind, she can’t take the grin off her face. She is the only one though, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are definitely not happy with the situation, Wen Qing doesn’t understand, MianMian is disappointed in her friend, Wanrong isn’t sure what’s happening and Lan Zhan is pouting because Wie Wuxian is ignoring him. Lan Huan giggles, amused by his little brother's obvious frown.
Nie Huaisang got some help from Lan Juan and is impatient to let the ceremony begin. It is impressive, he drew in a record time a fake ancestral tablet and portraits of parents.
“Are we starting yet?” He complains.
Nie Mingjue can’t believe he made all of that while the others argued. Sure the portraits are naive and there’s no name since Nie Huaisang is just learning how to write but still. He has trouble not bursting into laughter when he notices Jin Guangshan’s portrait. Since Nie Huaisang only met him once and probably didn’t remember much of him so he drew a dick. He can’t believe the Lan healers let him do that!
Jin Zixuan ends up completely surrounded and Meng Yao pats his back, but he can’t help him now, he put himself into this corner. He has no choice but to comply now. Red from head to toe, he whispers:
“Fine… I’m marrying you.”
Jiang Yanli’s smile doesn’t help him get rid of his blush.
“I’m getting your parents!” Wanrong states—and before anyone can stop her she runs to do just that.
She comes back later with only Madam Jin—as she did not find Madam Yu. And Jin Zixuan’s mother sends him a smirk. He hates this. Shut up mom!
“It’s fake okay?” He whispers to Jiang Yanli when she gets close to him with her stupidly beautiful veil.
“If I were you I would say that more discreetly, if you don’t want to be killed in your sleep,” advises Meng Yao, looking at Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng—who are definitely considering the option.
That’s how Nie Huaisang presides over a fake wedding ceremony, mimicking Wei Mingyao.
As Nie Mingjue carries the bride across the courtyard some adults notice and guess what they’re playing. Unfortunately Madam Yu, mother’s friend, is among them and she comes closer to ask what this is all about, her two maids and Madam Qin following close. Jin Zixuan regrets not having a veil like Wei Changze to hide behind, because he is certain he grows as red as the bridal robes.
“Isn’t this lovely. I knew he would come to his senses and see A-Li’s good side.” She says, proud.
“Of course, I taught him well!” Mother brags.
Madam Qin even smiles at them, especially when she sees Qin Su throwing flowers everywhere.
Jin Zixuan grumbles, it’s not like he doesn’t see A-Li’s worth! How can't he? He knows all she does for the sect thanks to the letters they exchange: she is amazing, not only is she building a core like he does but she also knows how to make enchanted robes and even cook delicious food. Food Jin Zixuan could actually eat! That’s a miracle in itself. Though it does not always happen, like today. Jin Zixuan wishes he could eat all the meals Jiang Yanli makes, because she looks so sad when he doesn’t and it makes him feel guilty for failing. Even if she never blames him for that. He prefers when she smiles. She is radiant when she does. She deserves to be only smiling, and he doesn’t like not being able to make her do so. She is kind, always patient with him and making sure he is always fine. Besides MianMian, she is certainly the best girl he knew. And Mianmian isn’t truly a girl, she is a martial sister! That doesn’t count!
But he doesn’t want to marry in front of everyone and especially not when adults were looking at them like this, with this smug face like they always knew Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli were meant to be. Of course they do, they bethored them without their consent!
Part of him doesn’t want to marry Jiang Yanli to prove them wrong. But the other part remembers Nie Zonghui asking Jiang Yanli to marry him and he is furious. He doesn’t want that either. She is so pretty, she wouldn’t be fine at Qinghe! She deserves to be surrounded by gold and beautiful tokens.
“It’s a good practice for the real day,” Madam Yu states, and then she notices something happening in the background and has to go.
“You better treat my daughter right,” she tells Jin Zixuan, pointing a finger—the one wearing her zapping weapon—at him.
“I will make sure he does.” Mother promises her friend.
Jiang Yanli just arrives, gently dropped by Nie Mingjue, like she is a precious flower. She certainly looks like it. Jin Zixuan can’t help but think he should have been the one to carry her, after all isn’t he the groom? If they’re playing this at least they should do it right! So he takes Jiang Yanli’s hand and leads her in front of Nie Huaisang. He will show them she should not go to Qinghe but to Carp Tower!
They bow two times—the third time, to each other, their head hits one another and Jin Zixuan is too embarrassed, while Jiang Yanli is too busy giggling, to do it again. That’s just as well. When it’s time to wrap the ribbon to their wrists, Lan Zhan steps up and ties his wrist with Wei Wuxian’s. Wei Wuxian's all too happy to tie up his own ribbon to Lan Zhan’s wrist too. No one has the heart to correct him—and Lan Huan has a lot of trouble hiding his laugh. He has to go behind Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao has to rub his back until he calms down.
“Now smooch!” Declares Wen Ning raising his hands, and Qin Su takes one look at him and decides to mimic him: “Smooch!” She repeats. Nie Huaisang who thinks he is the one giving orders in this wedding says it too: “Smooch!”
Jin Zixuan is fairly aware that if he does what they say he is going to die of shame. And also probably be murdered by his future brothers-in-law. And also Jin Zixun might mock him until he dies. Which is not so bad because it’s going to be soon but that doesn’t mean he is okay with it. His cousin is looking at the whole scene from the terrace on the other side, obviously smug, with Mo Shiyu. Jin Zixuan promises that, if his cousin dares say anything, he will remind his cousin that he is the one who spent the whole ceremony alone with a girl. But for that he has to get out of this predicament.
He has no plan at all, when two things happen. First there’s a broken sound behind their back: a vase. Meng Yao accidentally pushed Lan Juan who broke it apparently.
“Sorry” They both say at the same time, while Lan Yuan and Wen Qing roll their eyes.
Almost at the same time Jiang Yanli decides to have mercy and puts a kiss on his forehead, right where the vermillion mark is. She has a red spot on her lips that make Jin Zixuan’s insides do loops. Not the weird way in front of food he doesn’t want to eat, though, it’s even pleasant. He doesn’t get it. Wen Ning, Nie Huaisang and Qin Su yell their approval in the background, so he supposes he is safe for now.
It doesn’t last long because Jiang Cheng approaches him and states:
“If you want to take Yanli as a bride, you have to go through our trials!”
“Trial! There’s no trial!” He is quite sure Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren didn’t do any!
“Because they were both brides and it’s only the groom who has trials!” Explains Wei Wuxian with a smirk. “You are a groom so you have to.”
Jin Zixuan looks at his mother, hoping she will save him, but the trator simply shrugs:
“Groom has to.” She confirms.
“So eat this!” Orders Jiang Cheng, pulling a worm out of his pocket.
Jin Zixuan is going to throw up at his face, that's what he will do! Where the heck did he even get it? Does he move with worms in his damn pocket all the time?! Fortunately Jiang Yanli gently warns—and it’s more efficient than any growl:
“A-Cheng, no.”
“Remember what Cangse Sanren says about troublemakers,” reminds them Meng Yao.
“Fine, no dust and no food trial,” grumbles Wei Wuxian, obviously disappointed. But he knows it’s the right thing to do.
Jiang Cheng pouts and throws the worm outside. Jin Zixuan breaths a little more easily for approximately one second. Then of course his two devilish brothers in law find a trial that freezes his blood in his vein. He fears he might not survive their challenge.
“Fine, but you get one trial for each bride’s family member.”
“And my family counts!” Adds Wei Wuxian.
Which seems to awakens something in Jiang Cheng because his eyes fills with stars and he stands a little bit prouder:
“Yes it counts because A-Xian is our sworn brother and his family is our family!”
(He does turn to Nie Huaisang and whispers: “so the bird is my family too now!”)
Basically Jin Zixuan will be stuck with trials for the rest of the night. Mo Wanrong surprises everyone by asking to give the challenge first.
“Give Yanli the nicest flower.” She orders.
Jin Zixuan’s eyes open wide and he looks around… The sect is full of flowers, they’re everywhere, decorating the tables, on the top of the roof, sewed to the banner, there are seven lotuses in the ponds and petals in the mud! How is he supposed to do this? Jiang Cheng taps Wanrong’s back saying she found a nice one.
Jin Zixuan immediately ignores the ones in the mud, they’re sullied, it's no good. At first he hesitates to go around and ask the adults if they know which one is the prettiest but decides against it. He would have to explain why and they would mock him again and say “oh oh you’re getting married!” A bit cornered he goes to Meng Yao: after all the boy lives here and helped organize the ceremony (maybe? At the very least he was there when everyone did so he knows more than Jin Zixuan!).
“You know where the prettiest flower is?”
Meng Yao hums, obviously distraught.
“As long as you choose it yourself I’m sure Jiang Yanli will be happy,” Says Lan Xichen.
“Yeah and you have to find it alone otherwise it isn’t romantic!” Adds Nie Mingjue, crossing his arms.
Damn, are they romantic at Qinghe? He didn’t know. He feels the pressure on his back. Maybe she would be happier at Qinghe. Finally Meng Yao says:
“You could maybe find a mirror or draw a portrait of her and say she is the prettiest flower?”
What?! Jin Zixuan can’t believe his ears! Or that Meng yao has the guts to say this line with a straight face! How can he be so brave! He would rather shove his feet into his mouth. He would die of embarrassment! Especially if he has to do that in front of everyone!
Qin Su seems to take pity on him and walks to his side, bringing her basket of flowers. Except when Jin Zixuan thinks she would give her one, instead she turns to Meng Yao and puts it on his robe:
“Prettiest!” She says.
Lan Xichen doesn’t coo—but he definitely finds it adorable. And Nie Mingjue snorts, taking the girl on his arms, confirming loudly:
“You’re damn right!”
Meng Yao turns red from head to toe and Jin Zixuan understands he will not get help from him. And he is still not close to finding the prettiest flower! Damn… he needs to find a way before Nie Zonghui comes back with it and says he would be a better groom and Jiang yanli will understand Qinghe is great in the end and that Jin Zixuan sucks and will only make her miserable like Father does with mother!
Then his eyes fall on a lotus shaped lantern floating around. Its light reflects in the pond, making the mud around it almost beautiful, tainting it red. He blushes remembering that it was how Jiang Yanli made the rain feel like a blessing. Because she is just that awesome, turning even bad weather into good omens.
A little bit shy he picks it and goes to Jiang Yanli. He doesn’t have the guts to say a cheesy line like Meng Yao’s but he does manage to say:
“It reminds me of you.”
The lantern’s beauty pales in comparison to the smile Jiang Yanli offers him back.
Maybe those challenges aren’t such a bad idea after all… Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng look at the lantern, then at their sister, obviously divided on the matter.
“Fine you pass,” they say, reluctantly.
Mo Wanrong squeals in delight like girls often do and dances around Yanli covering her with compliments.
“You’re so lucky!!” She says.
“I know.” Yanli replies, whispering with her lips curving up.
Jin Zixuan has to fight the urge to hide again. Especially when he hears Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng debating on the next trial. Wei Wuxian suggests making A-Li and Peacock (that’s him, right?) playing house. Which is a terrible, terrible idea!! Like hell, how old do they think they are?! It’s even more embarrassing than the first one!
Suddenly Nie Mingjue bursts out laughing after this and raises his hand to give the next one, after all he is the oldest and everyone’s big brother/cousin/whatever so he should be allowed to do so.
Adults witness the children cheer up Jin Zixuan as he has to run around Lotus Pier with Wen Ning and Nie Huaisang clinging at his feet and Qin Su on his back. He heard that the groom could ask his friends to do the trial with him, and so he somehow convinced MianMian to run with him. The girl has way too much fun. Jiang Yanli is very proud of her work, now there’s a smile on everyone’s face, Lan Huan and Meng Yao included. And Jin Zixuan agreed to marry her! It’s definitely the best day ever!
Wen Qing smiles at her friend’s obvious joy and sighs, sometimes one doesn’t need much. As she thinks that, she notices the way Lan Juan’s head leans on her husband’s shoulder and the smile on Lan Yuan’s face. She knows she shouldn’t eavesdrop on them, but she can’t bring herself not to care as she hears Lan Juan sigh:
“Doesn’t it remind you of our wedding? You had to run around Cloud Recesses too, with me.”
“It does. I had to catch you every time you tripped.”
“And you did such a good job, I didn't have a single scratch on me.”
“Hm.”
Lan Yuan’s tone is suddenly distant and dreamy. He stares at the kids playing together and laughing, sees Wen Ning’s grin, as the boy clings to his big brother’s legs and he is himself surprised by the yearning in his heart. He wanted to savor his time with his wife, be her husband for a couple of years still before being a father… He had been too scared to handle two clumsy sweethearts and not being able to catch them both before they got hurt… but suddenly the fear is dulled, far, far away in his mind. All he hears are the echoes of laughter that could fill their quarters at Coud Recesses. Just like its echoes here right now at Lotus Pier. And he wants to. Oh he wants .
“Lan Juan,” he whispers.
“Hm?”
“Let’s have a baby.” He says.
Lan Juan trembles besides him, but she does not send him a surprised glance, her eyes are full of tenderness and love when she looks at him.
“Let’s have a baby,” she whispers too, leaning closer.
Wen Qing in the background smiles too, all giddy. Truly, she thinks again, sometimes one doesn’t need much.
Notes:
Just to be clear : Lan Yuan -since he is Jingyi's father- was not again the idea of having kid. He was just not ready at all yet and wanted to enjoy his newly wed life longer.
Lan Juan : We've been married since we're 20. We litteraly married as soon as we were allowed to.
Lan Yuan : Not enough, i need more time alone with you.
Lan Juan : aww, true who needs a baby when i have you?Without Lotus Pier, Lan Yuan might have make Lan Juan wait longer before deciding he was ready. (Way longer as you all know when Jingyi is born...Which is...in 8 to 9 years)
Anyways, see you tomorrow for a new part ;)
You see this time i didn't forget to update the chapter count. I even COUNTED how many part there's left. (I think i got the number right. Damn it !! I was aiming for 110. I'm really a disaster at math)
Chapter 108: A bright future together - Part 4
Notes:
Mwahahaha i managed to cut the last part (that was 18 page long) into two chapters this way i reach 110. It only makes my toc happy but it would have bothered me if i didn't find a way U-U Plus this way the fic truly managed to give you one chapter each day of the week since tuesday !! Anyways thank you so much for your comments !! I finally managed to answer you all. I'm so happy and moved by your support, i can't thank you enough <3
BEware this chapter is the quota-angsty/serious moment of the last chapter. Promise it's not this bad but it's definitely less cute than last one. I hope you'll still like it. It's mandatory since the plot has to move forward xo
See you all tomorrow for next part ;)
Chapter Text
As much as Xiao Xingchen wants to let Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze enjoy their wedding day, he cannot. Baoshan Sanren’s bird grows numb on his shoulder, shuddering and burying its own head into his feathers. He doesn’t look that good. And he suspects it is not because he has been bothered by the kids all day—actually, he is pretty sure the pet loved to play with the children.
It grows weaker, and this means that Baoshan Sanren might be in the same state, back on their mountain. They are too far away—and maybe they were gone for too long. Usually they’re only gone for a day or two at most. This is their third day away. It would be fine without the bird, but sharing her consciousness with her spiritual pet is taxing in energy. She usually doesn’t do that, leaving her bird to supervise them on his own.
They must return to the village, preferably before the barrier breaks and let a monster go through. This means they must say what they wanted to say to Cangse Sanren in the first place.
“Xue Yang, can you come here,” he calls.
The boy jumps off the roof again, completely drenched. He is going to catch another cold like this!
“What are you even doing on the roof…”
“Well, it’s a good place to be,” comments Xue Yang. “You don’t say anything to the other two and they spent the whole wedding on the roof! Well except during the bowing moment but—”
Xiao Xingchen frowns, he looks at the roof, but sees no one. While he doesn’t doubt Xue Yang’s words, he also believes the child might be slightly exaggerating to make his behavior more acceptable. Anyways this is not a problem: if adults want to spend all their time under the rain on the roof, they can. But Xue Yang is his martial little brother, and under his protection.
He throws a towel on the boy’s head again and makes sure to dry his hair.
“Just be more careful with your health.” He asks him. “And go packs your things, we will speak to Cangse Sanren and then leave.”
“In the middle of the night? Cool! Hey, if we cross paths with bandits, leave me some, I want to try some techniques!”
Xue Yang doesn’t need to be told twice, and runs to gather his things, while Xiao Xingchen wanders around, trying to spot his martial sister among the crowd. But he is found first: by Song Zichen.
“You’re going?”
Xiao Xingchen offers the man a sorry smile,
“Yes, I’m afraid my master needs us back home,” he says, caressing the bird’s flanks.
Song Zichen nods, and says:
“Be careful on the road then.”
Xiao Xingchen hesitates, as he sees the man turning his back, and asks: “Would you mind if I visited you?”
Song Zichen stops, surprised, and sends Xiao Xingchen a side glance, puzzled. While it is true they got along quite well, maybe it is a little bit too forward of him. The student of Baoshan Sanren suddenly doubts, and finds himself looking for excuses while the truth is…He just wants to nurture the friendship that is birthing between them. It’s the first time he’s befriended someone that is not another disciple of Baoshan Sanren. Not that he dislikes his martial brothers and sisters—and he is quite happy to finally meet the famous Cangse—but it’s to meet someone new. The idea makes him feel giddy and happy.
“Well, what you spoke of, your archives about immortal’s domain, it is interesting. And it might help us for our research.” He explains.
But as soon as he says it, he decides that, even if it is also true, Song Zichen deserves honesty:
“And I feel like we could be friends.”
When he told him he could call him Song Lan he thought they were already but the goodbye they almost had made him doubt. Song Zichen startles but doesn’t protest or anything. Instead he turns his back and declares:
“Well, you’re welcome at Baixue temple anytime, be it for your research or to see me. I might not be here though, I wander a lot around the temple region, as I am the only cultivator of age to night hunt for now.”
“I would be happy to help you night hunt, then, if we happen to visit while you do.”
“It would be an honor to night hunt with the students of an immortal and a friend.”
Xiao Xingchen feels himself smiling like an idiot, and is suddenly very grateful Song Lan is not facing him.
“Then see you soon,” he promises the other.
He is still day (or night) dreaming, when Xue Yang finds him again, his bag on his back. The boy gives Xiao Xingchen one look then rolls his eyes and groans.
“I have to do everything myself...” He grumbles. “Don’t move. I'm going to look for the old married hag.”
Xiao Xingchen certainly doesn’t feel like moving. Even if he wanted though, he wouldn’t have been able to, because three people find their way to him while Xue Yang is away. Sect Leader Jiang, his lady, and the groom-bride himself, Wei Changze.
“Thank you for letting us stay through the ceremony, it was lovely,” he immediately thanks them, bowing. “I do not remember much of Cangse Sanren, so I’m glad I got to meet her and see her happy with you. I’m sure it’s a comfort for our master too, to see she is surrounded by people who love her outside of our mountain.”
He caresses the bird a bit, to make him react, but the pet barely snorts at them, as if half asleep. It might be for the better, as the three of them only offer his declaration a sorry smile, polite but not moved.
“You coming, both you and your master, it really meant a lot for Cangse,” Sect Leader Jiang states.
Wei Changze bows his head slightly:
“You are like a mother for Cangse, and I’m glad I got to meet you, even if it’s your bird version—”
“But,” starts Madam Yu, her arms crossed on her chest.
Xiao Xingchen feels like she speaks for the both of them.
“Cangse Sanren cares a lot about your master. And so has been hurt a lot by her words in the past.”
“While I’m sure she has said many things that hurt this immortal too,” Jiang Fengmian continues, “we would be grateful if their quarrels could stop so they could not pain each other any further.”
Xiao Xingchen is a bit embarrassed—especially since the bird that is connected to Baoshan Sanren is not reacting. It means he will have to relay those words to her. He understands their grief: a few months earlier he would have not, but after witnessing his master’s flaws and saving Xue Yang from his punishment…he gets it. His master can be…rough. It comes from a nice place, only from love and care, but she hurts people nonetheless.
The only thing he can do is apologize in her stead.
“I understand, be assured that Master considers Cangse Sanren as her most brilliant student and she has a place in her heart too. When she received the invitation to her wedding she had been…”
Strange. Not happy, as she thought she could not be there, but certainly melancholic. Then Xiao Xingchen convinced her to at least try one of the solutions they came up with to stabilize the barrier, so she could see the wedding, even if she wouldn’t truly be there.
“About my master, there is something you should know…”
It is fortunate that Xue Yang arrives, dragging Cangse Sanren with him just as he finishes his sentence. Nicely, Jiang Fengmian offers to speak to them all in a private chamber, and Xiao Xingchen gracefully accepts his offer. After all, he doesn’t want such secrets to be overheard.
When they face each other in the office however he finds himself lacking words, not knowing truly where to start. He has never been quite good to tell stories after all. He tries anyway: during the rest of the evening, Xiao Xingchen explains what he himself discovered not so long ago. It is a mess, of course, as he has to speak about many things first, like the Xue, and this story about timelines and Iron Yin and returning to the past…and Xiao Xingchen is not a very good storyteller…fortunately Xue Yang knows much more about it than him and already had to deliver this story once, so he helps greatly to organize the discourse. It also helps that apparently, the four of them are aware of many things.
“Is this why she told me I should be dead in her letter?” Cangse Sanren asks, biting her lips.
Xiao Xingchen winces at his master’s clumsy warning. It’s not like he is not used to it. She had her fair share for him too, he thinks, touching his eyes. Blind, she said. She repeated it enough to believe it has not been just a figure of speech.
“I apologize, be assured she probably had your safety in mind when she said that.”
“I…” Cangse Sanren wants to believe it, but it’s hard.
It’s hard that the immortal could think Cangse Sanren would prefer safety over her family’s. But she supposes she did choose freedom over her hometown, once upon a time. It must be logical in her head. How can she make Baoshan Sanren understand that she has changed, when the immortal has remained the same for the last century?
Though, as she looks at the bird sleeping on Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder, she can’t help but hope. Maybe…maybe her master has changed too. After all, years ago, she would never have got down off her mountain to celebrate a wedding! Maybe…maybe they could both change just a little bit and manage to meet halfway.
“So, you are one of the last Xue,” Wei Changze says, looking at Xue Yang with a strange expression.
He once thought of this possibility, but didn’t want to believe it. Now it is hard to deny, since the boy admitted it in the first place. Jiang Fengmian regrets not having connected the dots before, he should have, after all he saw the memory too. Yu Ziyuan however is confused, trying to sort out what happened: Xue Yang is too young to have been saved by Baoshan Sanren back then, so where the heck does he come from? It’s so complicated! If there is another secret behind this she is going to punch someone.
The boy smirks and crosses his arms behind his head, in fake indolence. He doesn’t manage to keep it when Cangse Sanren speaks of some materials she has put her hand on: that apparently could contain the knowledge of the Xue.
“It’s incomplete yet, it will take me more time to write all of it, but…you’re welcome to come and check it regularly. It is your legacy after all.”
“This is so complicated,” groans Yu Ziyuan.
Jiang Fengmian agrees, he is feeling a future headache coming -or maybe it’s because he drank too much.
“In exchange for your help, if you happen to understand something or learn more about this future… timeline… Whatever that is,” adds Wei Changze.
“It’s my family’s knowledge, don’t take it hostage!” Grumbles Xue Yang, furious.
“No, of course, you’re always welcome to check it, but we would appreciate it if you would help us too,” mediates Jiang Fengmian. “And of course if you or your immortal master needs our help too—”
“...Actually…our master might need more help than you might think.”
And then, Xiao Xingchen explains to them what he also discovered only months ago. The truth about Baoshan Sanren’s mountain and core. As he speaks, he notices the way Cangse Sanren pales, her eyes widen. And he apologizes sincerely for bringing her such news the day of her wedding. But there is no time. The bird on his shoulder barely reacts now, even when Cangse Sanren takes him in her hands and brushes his feathers with her thumb. He fears the worst.
“So far she manages. She meditates a lot, and when her bird accompanies us on the outside, some senior transfers her spiritual energy while she stays in a strange comatose state…but, it can only work with people with a golden core with an earth affinity. We don’t have that many people that fit the description. It is only a temporary solution.”
“I never noticed the barrier’s flaw,” comments Cangse Sanren, ashamed. “And you said it won’t last?”
“The stupid Master says it will last longer if she enters a comatose state forever, but, you know, we don’t want that for some reasons.” Xue Yang states. “So either you help her or she dies.”
“Xue Yang!”
“What? Their day was ruined anyways!”
“Don’t let her do that!” Immediately orders Cangse Sanren. “My day will be fine,” she adds then to appease Xiao Xingchen.
Is that why she didn’t help her son in the future? Because she has grown too weak to help? While she always saw her master’s flaws, she never considered the immortal to be weak. As hard as it had been to have her as a mother figure sometimes, she had always been a pillar of strength in her mind, not a model or an ideal to achieve, but still someone worth admiring.
“We are trying to mend it, but the more we go and the longer we stay out of the barrier the weaker she seems to grow…” Explains Xiao Xingchen.
“When we take the bird with us,” clarifies Xue Yang. “If she let us wander without the pet she would probably be fine. But she is a stubborn old lady.”
“She is,” concedes Cangse Sanren, her heart heavy.
There’s just no way the immortal would leave the two of them without supervision. She has trouble believing she even let them out of the mountain in the first place! Baoshan Sanren would have never allowed such thing when Cangse Sanren was young…it’s strange to imagine. M—maybe she should start considering that her master is changing, has changed. Just like she did.
Maybe, she dares to hope, it would be safe for her to return and visit?
Her heart beats faster at the idea, feeling anguish over it. She is not sure what she feels about that. She is scared and sad, she yearns for her master to meet her family, but fears what she might do to them all. Her love could be…suffocating.
“If you ever need a place to move your village to, know that Lotus Pier would welcome you,” proposes Sect Leader Jiang, and she is relieved to hear these words.
Yu Ziyuan rubs her temples, wondering where they would put all those people. They really will need to expand their territory if they keep adopting every single person in trouble.
That is a good compromise, she likes the idea. And she would be able to see everyone else if they did!
“Thanks but the idiot master doesn’t want to leave the place, that’s the whole problem! She clings to it like a mad woman!”
“It’s her home,” points out Madam Yu, frowning. “and it’s her responsibility to protect it.”
“And she is very old.” Remarks Wei Changze.
He has seen, during his work as a rogue, many old people clinging to their homes despite the danger.
Their words might ring true, but it doesn’t change their problem. In the end, after a long conversation, they do not find a way to help—how could they? When this matter kept an immortal cornered for a century? But they do offer to work together.
Cangse Sanren while still not agreeing to return home—too afraid to be kept there—promises to look at the barrier from the outside and try to work on it.
“After all, barriers are my speciality!” She states.
“I thought it was enchantments.” Comments Yu Ziyuan.
“Or making cultivation tools.” Adds Jiang Fengmian.
“Or landing.” Jokes Wei Changze.
“So doubtful! One can have several specialities!” Complains Cangse Sanren. “I’m a genius after all!”
“More of a scatterbrain that needs a new toy every two months.”
Well, she can’t deny the truth in Yu Ziyuan’s words.
“So far, it helped us immensely, though, let’s hope it will do good to your master too,” concludes Jiang Fengmian, as optimist as always.
“We thank you for your help, every hand is welcomed,” assures Xiao Xingchen.
“You better show me what you’re worth old hag,” smirks Xue Yang.
Cangse Sanren smiles. She also asks for them to get more information about what Baoshan Sanren remembers of the future—though Xiao Xingchen has little hope about it, their master’s chronological memory has always been…problematic, and she didn’t leave her mountain in the “future-past” so there’s little chance she knows much more than earsays and rumors.
“Does she still write a lot?” Cangse Sanren asks. “She used to write a lot of stories when I was there, she often puts things of her past in her stories. Maybe we could find information she doesn’t want to tell you there?”
“You just want to know the end of the stories she used to tell you when you were young…” Guesses Wei Changze.
“I’m not looking through her porn books,” warns Xue Yang.
“Porn?” Blinks Jiang Fengmian, shocked.
“I will try to do what I can. If there’s a book in her library that might help, I will also try to copy it and bring it to you,” offers Xiao Xingchen.
“That would be very useful!”
“What about the book that taught your master how to give life to her spiritual creature? If it is about golden cores, we might find some clue on how to reinforce it or maybe, even make sure her pet being with you doesn't weaken her.” Asks Wei Changze.
“What? Golden core giving life?” Cangse Sanren asks, suddenly interested.
“Ah no, no more pets!” Warns Yu Ziyuan.
“What about kids? Can a golden core make a kid?” She asks, her smile growing.
“No more kids either! Lotus Pier is full, full , you hear me?!” Yu Ziyuan insists, to no avail.
She glares at Jiang Fengmian to get some help but her husband looks as interested in having more kids as Cangse Sanren. The idiot! They can barely hold on with the ones they already have! Fortunately Wei Changze does get the idea and comes to the rescue, changing subjects:
“I heard you were interested in some books the Baixue temple might have, maybe I could ask my brother if he could let you read some in exchange?”
“And of course the Jiang’s library is at your disposal too.”
“Wait, there’s an enchantment of Master’s that I recall of, we could try to install that—”
They continue to discuss what they can and cannot do for a long, long time. It is not much, but more than Xiao Xingchen hoped when he came to the wedding. Unfortunately, Xiao Xingchen has to cut it short when the bird on his shoulder lets out a pained squeal. Even Xue Yang does look worried after that, and he takes the pet in his robe, like it’s fragile.
Grateful, they thank the Jiang and the Wei, and leave the sect in a hurry, both hope and worry fighting in his chest.
If they made the right decision, only the future will tell. Hopefully this time he will be able to see it.
***
After such a big revelation, Cangse Sanren lets out a grave sigh, and lets herself be carried back to the banquet by her husband.
“I need a drink,” she admits.
“Me too,” complains Jiang Fengmian.
“I need to punch some idiots,” grumbles Yu Ziyuan.
While the first two are easy enough to grant, the third wish is more complicated. And Yu Ziyuan simply despairs over immortals that are not wise, a stupid sacred artifact that turned corrupted, a blob son, broken timelines and everything that is secret and hidden in the world. At the very least there’s no more Wei Siblings hiding anywhere… Though they did manage to make the last Wei be Second Madam Nie of all people! Spending time with the woman reminds her why she doesn’t like her, she can’t stand the way she always hides behind her fan. It makes her suspicious. She swears if the Nie sect is hiding another secret as bad as the Lan she might kill someone. Not Second Madam Nie though: now she will have to deal with her too since she is related to Wei Changze....
“You’re lucky I like you all,” she mumbles. “Or I would have zapped you for all the troubles you bring into my life.”
“And headaches,” adds Jiang Fengmian.
Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren laugh, half amused, half guilty. But the ease of their complaints help alleviate the pain in their hearts too.
“How do you feel, Cangse?” Suddenly asks Wei Changze, squeezing his now-wife’s hands.
After all it’s her adoptive mother they are talking about: even if their relationship had its up and down, she still cares for her. Cangse Sanren hums, unsure. There's a lot of contradictory emotions: thankfulness for her being at her wedding, wariness in case she finds herself locked again the moment she steps into the mountain to help, worry and annoyance… In the end there’s so much feelings inside her heart she cannot pick just one. Yet still finds herself saying, with confidence:
“It’s going to be okay.”
It is maybe wishful thinking, her old habit taking over once again, but she wants to believe it. She looks at her friends, Jiang Fengmian, Yu Ziyuan, and her now-husband, and she does, suddenly. It’s easy to believe and smile with confidence. They are in this together, and lately, it has come to them that they can overcome anything. And they smile back, because they believe in her in return, in her hope.
“Where have you all been?” Lan Juan asks them as she spots them. “We can’t party without the hosts!”
“Sorry!” They apologize, honestly.
They are just about to follow her and try to enjoy the celebrations when Wei Changze stops, and sighs in his wife’s neck.
“I need a hug,”
It suddenly comes to Cangse Sanren that it is quite late, and it is her wedding night. Sure, the guests needs the hosts to party, but do they need the groom and bride? She thinks not, and smiles as she puts her lips on his neck too.
“I think I can remedy that.”
He assures his grip on her and turns around, and she laughs, laughs despite the revelations, despite everything. She has tears at the corner of her eyes but she is happy because she is more loved than she ever thought she would be.
“I can't wait for you to get all the hairpins out of my hair, it’s going to be so, so good. ” She whispers.
“I live to make you feel very very good,” he promises, taking the first hairpin out of her head.
And just like that, they sneak away a second time. No one sees them before the next day. As it should be. It is their wedding night after all.
Chapter 109: A bright future together - Part 5
Notes:
And this one is truly the last before the end chapter!! Wouhou !! I can't believe we're ALMOST there. Thank you so much once again for all your comment, it always make me so happy <3 I'm so lucky to have so many great readers like you <3
Now i will leave you all with this new part :)
Chapter Text
The celebration lasts way longer than it should have. Some people from Lotus Pier suddenly barge in with presents and are invited to the party. There’s even some Wen from Dafan mountain who join. It’s long past the curfew for the kids. Most of them are picked up by the adults, one by one, and put on the same room and bed while the adults enjoy the party longer. Some of them have just laid on the ground and fallen asleep in the middle of the events. Others are definitely trying to keep standing, managing to stay awake by sheer stubbornness and spite.
Lan Qiren retires early with the kids, shaken to the core by the declaration of Jiang Fengmian. Of course he refuses to believe such nonsense—but on the other hand if there is one person able to go see through the past and future, it might as well be Cangse Sanren. He tries to calm down, by reminding himself that everything he heard might only be. This is an experiment and in no way a certainty. But this doesn’t help.
So instead he offers to supervise the sleeping children and meditate by their side. After all, it is not proper to let them all share the same room, girls and boys, even if they are young. That’s the argument he gives, and he does think so too, it is no lie. But he also needs to listen to their calm breathing to settle his fears. To remember what is at stake with this possible future.
Madam Qin had hesitated for so long before finally agreeing to let her daughter sleep “alone”. It’s so weird to have a 3 year old baby under his supervision again. He never had anyone so young besides his nephews. It brings back memories.
Nie Huaisang rolls outside of the mattress, and he picks him up. He has to put him besides Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning, as there is no place left. And it’s only because Wen Ning is curled against his sister’s chest that there is.
Lan Qiren watches A-Huan, who always had trouble keeping a good posture while sleeping. It doesn’t get better when he has to share the bed. Nie Mingjue does seem to be a tormented sleeper, because he grabbed A-Huan with one arm and Meng Yao with the other, dragging them both on top of him. While Meng Yao winces in his sleep, obviously distressed by the position, A-Huan curled himself against Nie Mingjue’s arm like it is merely a pillow.
Lan Qiren shakes his head and sighs. There’s little to do about it. Sometimes he wonders if it’s a “boy” tendency.
Mo Wanrong, Jiang Yanli and Mianmian also share the same mattress, but they sleep all curled against each other, holding hands but not rolling on top of each other.
But he knows this isn’t especially true, Mo Shiyu the First Lady Mo, is very much like Nie Huaisang, constantly getting outside the bed, sleeping against the wall. Nie Zonghui is a model of serenity and it’s the first time Lan Qiren sees the boy’s expression so peaceful. Jin Zixun lays on his flanks, not moving besides the occasional snores.
He heard that, like Lan Huan and Lan Zhan, Jin Zixun also lost one parent—his father—not so long ago. Yet he seems fine now. Just like Nie Mingjue is. And even those who still have them are not always getting along: Nie Zonghui is obviously angry at his father. While Mo Shiyu is dancing around her step mother like she can’t find the tempo.
Each child is different.
He always feared that Lan Zhan had been too different, but watching this group of babies, each one with their quirks, qualities and flaws… makes him wonder. Despite all those differences, Lan Zhan fits in among them. His nephew is sleeping in the perfect position too, but he is hugged by Cangse Sanren’s son, not caring at all of the promiscuity, when he hates contact so much while he is awake.
Lan Qiren once again had to take his sacred forehead ribbon off of Wei Wuxian too...
He doesn’t know what to think of it (he is starting to resign himself, his nephew knows the ribbon's significance after all), and he caresses the book Cangse Sanren gave him. The book that contains her advice about parenting. About what makes Lan Zhan happy and confident, here, at Lotus Pier. Maybe Lan Qiren doesn’t know what to think, but for once, in the longest time, he knows what he feels.
And what he feels is that he wants to protect this next generation, these boys… his nephews. He wants them to not make the same mistakes as they did. He wants them to have a bright future devoid of war and pain. He hates the idea of his nephew being in love (he is too young for that) but he loves the idea of his nephew being happy.
So he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and vows to himself to try, even if it means believing in Cangse Sanren’s strange inventions and accepting her presence back into his life.
A few hours later, when Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun wake up in tears because of a nightmare, he pats the boys’ backs, until Madam Jin is there.
***
Lotus Pier looks quite different, it is not the place where Wei Wuxian grew up in so many ways. It is not the place he lived anymore, the one that held so many treasured memories, both good and sad. It is different the same way it had been when they returned to it after the war, to find it emptied of the person they cherished. Yet it hurts in a whole new way.
This Lotus Pier is full of laughter and joy. It bears the mark of kids training together without any parents to favor one over another. Here they can be children and take the time to grow without fearing to be called weak. It is somewhere they can carve marks on a wooden beam and compare their height without feeling the pressure that it is never enough.
In his own time, there had never been a wedding taking place at Lotus Pier. Of course people from the town married every now and then, but it has been a distant matter for the Jiang Sect disciples. They usually celebrated it elsewhere and Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli and him had only ever seen the people carrying the bride to her groom leave the place, all wrapped in red and gold. They used to run along with it, as far as they could, to wish them off and pass them good luck for their union. None of the commoners or disciples dared ask to marry on the sect ground and so, Wei Wuxian never saw his childhood home like this.
Some disciples especially grew flowers with the help of cultivation and it bloomed right on time to be braided into flower crowns and garlands, hanging all around the place. Jiang Yanli, despite her young age, sewed many banners that are now flapping in the wind, and she is one of the people responsible for the scent of food that floats all around. Jiang Fengmian got out the lanterns they only ever used during conferences and lit the whole place. It reminds Wei Wuxian of the day when the Wen remnants celebrated Wen Ning’s resurrection: how they made a path of red lanterns so he could find his way back home.
In a sense, that’s also what it means here.
This Lotus Pier is what the Jiang siblings wished their home could be. And neither Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli or Wei Wuxian live in it, now that it has become real. He is the only one aware enough to see it come to fruition.
Despite the tone of his thoughts, Wei Wuxian isn’t really sad. He is used to this melancholy by now, after three years of living outside of time, witnessing his tiny self get a better life. And being a ghost has its advantages! Like for example being able to fly again! If he really wanted he could just float away above Lotus Pier, as long as he doesn’t wander too far off his tiny self, the physical realm laws mean nothing to him!
That’s how he found the best spot to see the wedding. And also how he managed to sneak himself among the family gathering when his parents made their bow. He hadn’t been bothered by the rain at all, contrary to real guests. He could sit on the top of the main building’s roof while everyone hid away except maybe the Xue Yang baby, but he tried to ignore it and not look at him in the eyes because you know… While he does not think they are the same person, they look very much like the same person and it’s a little bit unsettling to compare the memories of the aloof, deadly and murdery flirty teen he met and this kid. He has good taste though, this Xue Yang, roofs are often the best place to sit. That much hasn't changed.
He had to change rooftops at one point though, when the kids were put to bed. Since he still can’t be too far apart from his tiny self. It was fun seeing Yinzhu and Jinzhu pick them up one by one. Some tried to flee, not ready to leave the festivities yet (Jiang Cheng did protest it was not fair he had to go to bed while the adults were still partying, mostly because Jin Zixuan wasn’t done with their challenge), but then Madam Yu stepped in and started to count to three. She had a really tired and nasty glare that every remaining kid calmed down at “One”. Even Nie Mingjue!
That is something Wei Wuxian will take to his grave: the sight of Chifeng-Zun lowering his gaze back at Madam Yu and her maids. He used to be scared of this too, he reminds himself, but now he saw the two women spend hours crouched in the shadow to make sure none of the children spotted them while they watched over them… And it helped admire their dedication rather than being afraid of them.
And of course, Madam Yu is not the same anymore too, even if she reached the count of three the worst she could do to the kids would be to send them to sleep in the Ancestral hall instead of their bedrooms.
Once the kids are all settled and resting Wei Wuxian looks at the adults partying down there. Nights are… usually the hardest time to go through since he awakened in this strange condition. Nothing is happening so it’s harder to cling to consciousness. But he hopes he will be able to enjoy this night until dawn rises. He wants to remember his parent’s wedding.
What is strange, however, is to see people who are apparently from his blood family, among them. Wei Wuxian wonders if they existed in his timeline too and he just… missed them. Probably. It would make sense right?
He knows for sure that the Second Madam Nie has died in his past, and that the monk Wei Mingyao, if he remained at Baixue temple, had probably been killed by Xue Yang (And despite himself he has been reassured to see the boy leaving Lotus Pier, less when he saw that the boy went with Xiao Xingchen… but he supposes they’re martial brothers in this new reality).
He tries not to think about sad stuff today though: he only wants to think about love! This is his parents’ wedding day! Ah- it’s too bad he can’t have alcohol or company in this strange place he is stuck in, he would love to-
He hears the melody before he sees his Lan Wangji appear right next to him. The ghost remains silent, not picking up the obvious tease. But he is here. He has been appearing here and there every now and then throughout the night. Everytime tiny Lan Zhan had been close to tiny Wei Ying. Unfortunately until now, they failed to communicate. Probably because the kids didn’t spend enough time together long enough or close enough. What does he know? He is discovering the rules that govern his new reality as he goes too!
Now though, with baby Wei Ying and baby Lan Zhan sleeping in the same room, in the same bed even, they should have time to engage in a real conversation.
He can’t help but think of the way tiny Lan Zhan has resumed walking in Lan Huan’s shadow, holding his older brother’s ribbon’s tail. He can’t help but regret that the boy has stopped holding his tiny self’s hands all the time, but also coo at the overall cuteness of the baby Lan.
“Ah, you were so cute back then, Lan Zhan!” He whines.
He is here and Wei Wuxian tries not to smile too much about it. He still doesn’t know what the other meant, but… he is glad that at least Lan Wangji isn’t sad, trapped here with him, for all eternity, despite not deserving such an end. Wei Wuxian shouldn’t be happy, but has been feeling quite lonely all on his own. He knows his parents tried to communicate, but it’s just not the same. They didn’t succeed after all!
Once or twice throughout the night he wondered if Xue Yang could see him, but maybe it’s just his own uneasiness, making him wary of the boy and looking in his direction way too often (He just wanted to make sure he didn’t get too close to his sister, okay?). After all, the delinquent had a way to look at you and make you feel uncomfortable.
He looks at Lan Zhan, wondering what to say. This reunion will probably end the moment tiny Lan Zhan will return to Cloud Recesses, so Wei Wuxian wants to make the most of his time. He is about to tease the hell out of his partner! Enough to make up for all the three years he spent all alone!
Wei Wuxian can’t help but elbow his Lan Wangji: it passes through him without making contact but it definitely gets the man’s attention.
“Hey, Lan Zhan,” he smirks. “Have you seen how cute MianMian is? How does it feel to see your crush being a baby?”
“Ridiculous,” Lan Wangji states.
Wei Wuxian doesn’t let this go, the occasion is too perfect to tease, and he hops himself into the air, floating around Lan Wangji.
“Your little self doesn’t seem very interested in her, though-”
“Mn. Not interested at all.” Approves Lan Wangji, with what Wei Wuxian could almost call a smug smile.
The heck. Since he is resisting his teasing, Wei Wuxian plans to use the card in his sleeve: the kisses their little selves shared the other day right before going to sleep! He is sure Lan Zhan witnessed that one too. It’s a little bit embarrassing: Wei Wuxian had died before he could give his first kiss, and his 7 years old self managed to kiss tiny Lan Zhan right away… Yeah it was on the cheeks, but still! Such boldness! He was so proud of A-Ying’s shamelessness! Maybe it’s due to their young age ; even tiny Yanli is quite bold in this reality, daring to do a fake wedding ceremony with peacock. Stll, the kiss made tiny Lan Zhan giggle, ah- really, he takes back all he said about this baby version of himself, this one is definitely smart! Anyways, he is going to remind his Lan Wangji about the scene, and watch him get all angry and say “shameless!”
“Maybe your little self would rather kiss little A-Ying!”
“Obviously.”
Wei Wuxian almost falls off the roof at Lan Wangji’s answer. He blinks a few times, and stares way too long at his Lan Zhan. The guy has the guts to avoid his gaze, playing his guqin, as if he hadn’t dropped such a comment!
Baby Lan Zhan down there opens an eye, and looks around searching for the origin of the music, but his uncle soothes him back to sleep and Wei Wuxian is too busy recovering to notice. However Lan Wangji does, and his lips slightly curve up at the sight of his uncle being so… Affectionate.
Wei Wuxian does see the smile on his partner’s face though. The heck, he doesn’t have a body, so why is he feeling so out of breath and hot. Besides he shouldn’t be blushing over it! He is not the one being teased. The other one must be faking it, and he is going to break all his barriers. Determined he floats around his old pal and resumes:
“Ah, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, don’t worry about it, it’s just a kids’ antics, they’re curious that’s all, your tiny self will grow into grumpy old you too and soon he will say he is better off never marrying like you used to!”
“No.” Replies Lan Wangji, with an irrevocable tone.
“No?” Wei Wuxian repeats, confused.
“No.” Confirms Lan Wangji, closing his eyes.
What does his “No” mean?! Wei Wuxian is completely at loss. Is it the same man that once upon a time sputtered red and told him to get lost, ready to fight, because he showed him a cut-sleeve porn book?! What the heck happened?! Is he getting affected by the Iron Yin in the end? Where did his pure Lan Wangji, the one man who he thought could be his soulmate, has gone? He knew Lan Wangji never wanted him that way, he had made peace with that a long time ago, and even once or twice came to the conclusion that he didn’t mind. They went their separate way, while Wei Wuxian was bound to remain in the dark, in his narrow path, Lan Wangji was tied to the light. One couldn’t reach the other, and might even come to destroy themselves. It was okay, Wei Wuxian didn’t mind being killed if it was by his friend’s hand.
But Lan Wangji never did. On the contrary, he tried to catch him and to prevent Wei Wuxian’s death back then. And now, Lan Wangji even spouts nonsense like it’s fine to be trapped here with Wei Wuxian for all eternity, in this pool of resentment! Nonsense is usually Wei Wuxian’s trademark, Lan Wangji is supposed to be the voice of reason. But since he is a bit mad in his head -probably because of the Iron Yin’s influence- Wei Wuxian has to step up. He has to comfort his best friend, make him see he doesn’t have to resign himself to this- Yes, that’s probably what’s happening!
Wei Wuxian could understand that, after all, when one is trapped long enough, it’s normal to start to get used to the situation and change plans accordingly. Except that Lan Wangji can’t lose hope! Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren are working on something, surely they will find a way to rescue his soul. Then he will regret being associated with all this, and having such thoughts, surely. Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to be associated with regret in Lan Wangji’s mind. And he doesn’t want to be his “last choice” either. So he says:
“Ah, don’t say that in front of your uncle, Lan Zhan!”
“He can’t hear me.” Lan Wangji answers, focusing on the party instead.
“So sneaky! What would he say if he heard you… Don’t worry kissing a boy once doesn’t mean you have to marry him, your little one will come to his senses, it doesn’t make you a cut-slee-”
“It’s fine.”
“Fine?”
“Being a cut-sleeve.”
This is very bad, Iron Yin poisoning is getting to his head! Never Lan Wangji would never say that! Wait, was it replaced? Maybe he is talking to a fake Lan Zhan! Quick, he has to find a way to expose his identity! How do you do that? He could ask him what his favorite color is. Except Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what it is, probably mourning white. Maybe blue. He is betting on white though-
“What’s your favorite color?” He rumbles, confused.
“Red.”
It’s a fake! A fake!! Crap His Lan Zhan is being corrupted by all the resentful energy around and- Stop being ridiculous! Jiang Cheng’s voice rings in the background, angrily. Then it suddenly hits Wei Wuxian: wait he could probably communicate like that with Lan Zhan too, maybe this will make more sense, maybe they would be able to understand-
He tries, though he does not know for sure how it works. But he finds no words between them. Only colors, sensations, and something… a feeling of embarrassment, yet determination, over a new concept and an old one. This is not resignation, it is acknowledgement of a feeling that has been there and ignored for too long, finally being accepted. And the peace that comes with it, even though it still hurts sometimes.
Oh, Wei Wuxian realizes.
And suddenly it makes senses. His Lan Zhan’s outburst at the porn book so many years ago finally makes sense. Wei Wuxian really wonders how he could have even missed it. Maybe because it had never been a problem for him. A little bit embarrassed about his denseness, and eager to fix this, he whispers:
“Yeah… Well you’re right. It’s fine.”
Somehow, Lan Wangji seems to understand they are not talking about red and nods in acknowledgement. He doesn’t say much else though and without the relief he feels emanating from him Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have a clue. He retreats though : he is a demonic cultivator, and Lan Wangji is uncorrupted by the iron Yin. Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to risk tainting him by accident and make him disappear in the pool of resentment. As long as he remains incorrupt, Lan Zhan’s soul might still be saved after all. As long as he does not associate with Wei Wuxian, maybe he will survive. Just as he thinks that, Lan Wangji looks up to him, his expression slightly confused.
“It’s fine,” Wei Wuxian repeats though, louder, because he wants Lan Wangji to know, truly, that he will not judge him on that front. “You know, the first time I heard about the cut-sleeve story I found it so precious!”
He found the way the emperor would rather cut his valuable robe than awoke his lover next to him very endearing. He wishes to have such a loving relationship with someone, one day. What was a sleeve worth compared to your fated one’s happiness? Then he realized that other people didn’t think that way, and never told it. But here, with Lan Wangji, he supposes he can admit it.
“I mean look at everyone! Love is so complicated!”
He opens his arms.
“If it’s not this or that, then it’s another problem! Have you seen Jiang Cheng? He has a list of requirements for his future wife that is as long as the Yellow river! He is going to end up all alone if he continues to be this picky, and he likes women! And have you seen uncle Jiang and Madam Yu? I never thought their couple would ever work and yet here we are, look at how happy they are!”
He smiles as he witnesses Madam Yu take her husband’s cup of alcohol and gulps it up and down in front of his bewildered eyes. Lan Wangji does not react at Wei Wuxian’s declarations, continuing to play on this guqin a song that is oddly familiar.
“What I mean is that… well, you get it.”
He pauses and hopes what he says will help Lan Wangji feel better about himself.
“You know, once I asked my martial sister why people loved one another. Why would they put themselves in such trouble? Which is silly, i suppose, given people call me troublemaker at best or say I seek trouble at worst!”
He snorts, even though he feels his heart heavy in his chest. Maybe, his memory is a bit blurry from this moment, but he recalls thinking of Lan Wangji that day. Of what the boy had said, that he was fine never marrying and remaining alone all his life. Did Wei Wuxian want back then to be like him somehow? Did he think that since Lan Wangji would be alone all his life, they might as well be alone, together? He is not sure it’s the only reason, after all in his past he never witnessed any love story ending well. The only one that did…
He ruined it. He killed Jin Zixuan and made Jiang Yanli so miserable… Orphaned their son. And in the end, Jiang Yanli died and the reality where their son lived was destroyed.
“Wei Ying,” whispers Lan Wangji, by his side, in his low voice that always used to send shivers to Wei Wuxian’s spine while they were alive.
Wei Wuxian is about to ask him what’s wrong when suddenly the landscape blurs around them. Lan Wangji disappears and he finds himself standing at Qiongqi path once again, Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun facing him.
Ah. He thinks. Of course, Jin Zixuan is sleeping in the same room as little baby A-Ying. The Iron Yin is trying to scare him off so the man would never be involved in the mess that leads to its destruction.
Wei Wuxian raises his flute to make sure, and wishes despite himself, that the Iron Yin will succeed. That this will never happen. If his parents fail, if the future remains largely the same, he hopes that at least this one event, this one could be changed. Even if it’s the only one. He doesn’t like Jin Zixuan -even though the one in the new reality is more likeable- but he wants his martial sister to remain happy. He wants her to live. He wants the Wen to survive.
It doesn’t matter if he has to remain alone forever to pay the price, as long as the people he loves are safe and smiling.
His past self has been foolish to think he could avoid the shackles of love. He was already bound by so many, family, friendship… What would adding the romantic one change? Nothing. They were equally important to him. Maybe that’s why he asked Jiang Yanli, maybe because he knew deep down that love would kill him one day. Maybe that’s why he thought of the cut-sleeve story so endearing. What was a pricey robe in comparison to the people he cherished? They were his hopes and his downfall all the same.
There’s nothing Wei Wuxian wouldn’t do for the people he loves.
Chapter 110: A bright future together - Finale
Notes:
So...this is the end of part 1 =)
Thank you so much for every reader that stick with me for so long ; i wouldn't have made it this far without your support. You see i have a curse : i don't know how to write short story, and i started this fic on march 2020 thiking it owuld just be for me / to keep my mind busy. I wrote 10 chapters in the span of 4 days and realized that i wasn't going to drop to project and went to publish it x) Then here we are not even one year later with 500k+ words, 613 bookmarks (at the moment) so many kudos and...big surprise even more comment (yeah half of it are my comments answering you but STILL). I can't find the words to say how grateful i am. Which kind of stuck because i suppose you're all here for my writing skills...So congrats, you broke me and i'm just at loss for words. Fortunately while i am in lost for words i'm do have plenty of story yet to tell one way or another (including this one since we're not finished yet).
I may try to write a short story in february, but i make no promise as i never managed to do that x) I will try if i see that i can't, publish some missing scenes (about Teacher, Wei Mingyan and Wei Wanyue) If i don't i will just rest for one month and a half (then panic and write 10 chapters of part 2 to have chapters in advance like i did with this one). I wonder if i will manage to write this new part as fast as this part. We'll see ! It's a nice challenge =D
Let's play one last game before the end : What is your favourite moment of the fic? Your favorite arc? Your favorite character ? Your favorite pov ? I'm curious to hear it !
See you on march 21th, 2021 for the start of the second part named : "Burning roofs" i hope to see you all again and that you'll like the story until its conclusion !! In the meantime i leave you with the finale ! ;)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jiang Fengmian is called when Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun wake up in tears. His thoughts are is a bit slow, as it is late and he drank too much already, but he manages to get the situation under control. First he calls his lady and she brings her sworn sister with her. Madam Jin immediately gets her son and her husband’s nephew in her arms and cradles them until they calm down. It’s difficult to get details of his nightmare, as children this age often hiccup and wail more when you ask for an explanation. But Jiang Fengmian doesn’t need that, he knows.
And he regrets not thinking it was a possibility. He should have guessed. After all they knew that Jin Zixuan died at Qiongqi path.
“I’m sorry Uncle, I thought I was cured,” mumbles Wei Ying.
Jiang Fengmian smiles and pats the boy’s head, it’s not his fault, the blame lies entirely on the adults who, too taken by the festivities, did not think this through.
Most of the kids are up now -because of the ruckus. Some of them are puzzled by the whole incident, trying to get back to sleep now that the boys are looked after, but a few just know. Jin Zixun and Jin Zixuan are hiding from the boy’s view, like it burns. When Wen Ning tried to give his plushie to one of them, they screamed. Since then the boy has returned to his sister’s arms with a sorry expression.
“It’s never going to happen.” Meng Yao says, loudly, as he tries to comfort A-Ning and Jin Zixuan at the same time.
Jiang Yanli and Lan Qiren come back with some warm milk and the beverage does help calm the boys down. Enough for Jin Zixuan to feel very embarrassed to have caused such a scene in front of all his friends at the very least. She tries to comfort him, knowing full well what it feels like, but doesn’t find the right words, as she doesn’t know how much she can say in front of so many people.
“It’s okay, it is just a nightmare,” Lan Qiren says, but his expression is troubled.
Jiang Fengmian fears he might be connecting the dots with Cangse Sanren’s invention right now, so he hurries and adds:
“That’s right, a simple nightmare, now it is very late, so everyone should go back to sleep.”
They arrange the mattresses so Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun can be as far away from Wen Ning and Wei Ying as possible. Luo Quingyang even agrees to sleep closer to his best friend. Meng Yao can’t be this blunt in front of Madam Jin, he is still wary of her, but he makes sure he is in his half-brother’s vision field.
It doesn’t take long for most of the children to fall right back to sleep -the Lan being the first, since they barely woke up at all, yawning and rubbing their eyes through the whole mess. Once they do Lan Qiren says:
“I think it’ll be better for everyone to sleep in their own room now.”
“Yes, you’re right, but wait for everyone to be asleep, or they will think the sleepover was cut short because of the Jin boys.” Jiang Fengmian says.
And so they do. Once everyone is deep in slumber, they take them one by one and bring them back to their own room and bed, carefully. The matter is not over though: Madam Jin is not happy with what she heard and Yu Ziyuan whispers to her some explanation. She does not tell her it’s a silly nightmare without any consequences, but she has to be careful, otherwise Madam Jin will ask her son to never be in the same room as Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian again.
“We know how to handle this,” she promises her sworn sister, once Lan Qiren is gone. “All you have to do is come back and we will do a ritual so he won’t have this nightmare again.”
“I don’t understand,” Madam Jin frowns. “You said it’s a premonition?”
“Not completely, more of a possibility. We already know we can change it: Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren being alive is the proof. So you don’t have to worry, we won’t let this happen to your son.” Assures Yu Ziyuan.
“Knowing these future events gives us an advantage,” Jiang Fengmian adds.
The words don’t relax Madam Jin much, but she nods, looking more determined than ever.
***
The day after the wedding is… Chaotic. Most of the guests did not sleep at all last night so those who are not going through an awful hangover are sleep-deprived. Yet, Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze are happy, resplendent. It doesn’t matter that last night the kids woke up, Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun being victims of one of the future-nightmares: they are used to this now, they know what to do and how to help. They know it will help them fight the awful future. They already scheduled a rendez-vous with Madam Jin to get this under control. The faster the better, since they awoke Jin Zixun and Jin Zixuan have been watching Wei Ying, Wen Ning and Jiang Yanli with way too much fear to let this go for too long. Besides it will be a good opportunity to actually talk to her blob son, face to face. She can look forward to that, despite the sad situation.
Yes, there are still a lot of problems to solve, like Baoshan Sanren’s weakening state, or the Xue, or the Wen… and scary events awaiting them in the future, but they will face it together, like they always did. They survived the nighthunt that took their lives in another time. They found their family. They are married.
They feel invincible today.
They say goodbye to each of their guests, thanking them for everything they’ve done, and everything they will do in the future. There are a lot of hugs. It is hard to let them go a second time, especially those who were just reunited. They promise to see each other soon and already plan for the next meeting to feel better.
Of course Madam Jin is the first to depart, but there’s no doubt in her tone when she says she will come back soon. Jin Zixuan, even if he is obviously still distressed by the nightmare, does look up hearing that and sends a longing glance to Meng Yao. At least it’s good he isn’t afraid of everyone here. And he even accepts the cake Jiang Yanli gives him for their trip.
“I saw how much you liked this one at yesterday’s banquet, so I kept some for you.” She explains.
Jin Zixuan hiccups, not sure how she noticed, actually it’s the only thing he managed to eat at all yesterday. All the other meals made him feel nauseous and he didn’t dare try to put it in his mouth, afraid to make a fool of himself and throw up. In the end he did cause a scene, because of the nightmare but…
No one is mocking him right now. Not even Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, who are weirdly tame about it. It’s just a nightmare like everyone said, he forces himself to think. It’s a stupid dream that makes no sense: who would imagine Wen Ning, the cutest baby boy he ever saw, rip off his heart like this?
In the end, Jin Zixuan whispers, swallowing his fear: “Thank you,” he hesitates and finally asks: “I… Is it okay to still send you letters?”
Jiang Yanli’s smile is just like the one in his dream, too.
MianMian asks for this privilege too, eager to exchange training tips with her new friend. And Nie Zonghui surprisingly asks the same, his cheeks all red (His father mocks him, which earns the father a kick in the knee and the kid a scolding). Jin Zixun doesn’t ask such a thing of Jiang Yanli, but he does make a detour to say goodbye to Mo Shiyu.
Madam Jin is satisfied with this outcome, at the very least. Madam Qin is also quite happy with the wedding celebrations, looking more relaxed. She isn’t happy with all that happened, but since when has she been? Years, probably. As she is about to get on the carriage that will bring her back to Carp tower she sees Meng Shi in the background… She hesitates.
Before the whole mess last night they discussed what to do with Jin Guangshan. Madam Jin did not tell Madam Qin that she knew that her daughter was Jin Guangshan’s bastard for many reasons. One was to make sure she would never ask for her daughter to be recognized, just like she asked of Meng Shi and Meng Yao. The other was because she wanted the woman to get better. She did not say the truth about Qin Su to Meng Shi either, but she did say she found someone who was raped by her husband and also that she won't let it happen again.
Meng Shi didn’t promise to help, what can she do? She is only an ex-prostitute, now the Jiang Sect teacher, but she offered an ear and let Madam Jin rant to her heart’s content. They are not friends but… Madam Jin thinks it’s good to finally have someone who can listen. Yu Ziyuan is all great, but when she complains, Yu Ziyuan looks for a solution and a way to punch the problem down. This is not what Madam Jin needs, as there are little things she can actually do.
They’re not friends, but she thinks they could, one day.
Cangse Sanren however…
“Last chance for you to become my sworn sister,” the woman says with a smirk. “There’s only one spot left!”
Madam Jin rolls her eyes, and asks the carriage to go. The children wave their hands until the carriage disappears on the road.
Wei Mingyao invites them to Banxiue temple so they can have access to their library. Sisi still wraps him inside her arms. She has been taught cultivation a bit, she says, maybe she will visit to learn more about the Baixue temple’s way to train too, with Meng Shi!
Song Zichen seems interested at the prospect and looks at the two women differently after that, as if they suddenly gained something of interest.
Wei Mingyan offers her new niece, Mo Wanrong, to come to Qinghe so she can take part of a divination class. She takes the opportunity to invite over the whole Mo family as well.
“Why not come to the next cultivation conference as family?” She even offers with a cunning smile.
Wei Changze wonders if it’s a plan she came up with: by having her family over, maybe she thinks her husband will focus on them rather than Wen Ruohan.
Of course the Mo are honoured to be accepted by the cultivation world like this, and Wei Wanyue hesitates before she hugs her sister goodbye.
When it’s time for the Nie delegation to go, Nie Huaisang refuses to let go of his new found uncle.
“A-Sang, this is not even your uncle!” Nie Mingjue complains, trying to get his little brother out of Jiang Fengmian’s arms.
The boy’s grip is curiously strong.
“No! I wanna stay!” Nie Huaisang wails. “I wanna stay with all my uncles and aunties and I wanna play with A-Cheng and candies and pets!”
Nie Mingjue sighs, he doesn’t know how to get his little brother out without hurting him, until Meng Yao whispers something to his ears. He tickles the boy’s neck and uses the surprise on A-Sang’s face to finally get him out. A-Sang complains a lot about it, but nothing a hug from his big brother cannot fix. He does glare at Meng Yao like he had suffered the worst kind of betrayal though.
“If I were you, I would be wary next time we visit,” warns Nie Mingjue.
“Oh I'm sure he will have forgotten by then,” Meng Yao assures, confident.
“A-Sang is a good boy like Lan Zhan, he will not hold a grudge,” adds Lan Huan, optimistic.
Nie Mingjue isn’t as sure as them, but well, he can sure hope. He bows once to every adult -and does not get one uncle wrong, unlike A-Sang!- then jumps on the boat.
“You’ll have to visit Qinghe too! You’re my cousins now! Family is important!” He yells at them, once the boat leaves the deck. The children yell back a promise.
Wei Mingyan looks at her first son and smiles behind her fan.
“You’re right, family is important.” She tells him. “I’m glad you get along well with your cousins.”
She should not have said that, because Nie Mingjue frowns at her and grumbles:
“If family is this important, why didn’t you tell me you had family at all?”
Wei Mingyan blinks, surprised to get a scolding from her son. But she supposes she didn’t get any from her siblings, despite how convinced she had been of it. Universe must be trying to set the balance right. It’s easier, though, to argue with Nie Mingjue.
“Because I wasn't sure I would ever see them again, A-Jue. And convinced myself that I would be fine as long as I had you. You’re the family I chose after all.”
Nie Mingjue doesn’t blush, but he definitely smirks proudly at that, a little bit reassured.
“Well, now you have both!” He states. “And you have to tell me everything about your siblings!”
“Yeah story time!” Joyfully declares Nie Huaisang.
Nie Zonghui sits near them, waiting for the first story too. His father smirks and mimics the kid with an expression that says “don’t mind me”. Wei Mingyan rolls her eyes at them, half annoyed. She doesn’t have many happy stories to share about her family, but still, she feels blessed to have a new one to share it with.
A-Ying however, doesn’t feel that happy today, especially when Lan Zhan is gently put in a boat, ready to return to Cloud Recesses. He rubs his eyes and sniffs, trying to put on a brave smile and failing miserably.
Jiang Fengmian crouches near him, used to this now. After all he comforted Jiang Yanli when Jin Zixuan left with his mother earlier, and Jiang Cheng when Nie Huaisang went on the boat with the Nie delegation. It’s his third time and he is getting better at it.
“You’ll see him again soon enough, A-Xian.”
“I know,” mumbles A-Ying, “But I will miss you Lan Zhan!”
“Don’t be a baby,” comments Jiang Cheng. “I didn’t cry when A-Sang went back home! You’re five days older!!”
“You sniffed too!” Pouts Wei Wuxian. “ I can sniff! I’m going to sniff on your robe!”
“I will punch you!”
Wei Changze smiles at them, it is way harder to say goodbye to the Lan than any other delegations though. Meng Yao could hold up together to say goodbye to Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue, but he is weak in front of Lan Huan. And it doesn’t help that the Wen siblings are clutching to Lan Juan and Lan Yuan’s robes too, as if they could force the couple of healers to stay at Lotus Pier a little longer.
Their six-months study at Cloud Recesses promises to be something else, Wei Changze can’t help but look forward to that. He hopes that by the time they reach the right age, they will all remain friends. He hopes their parents will manage to give them a peaceful world to live in. They have a lot of work ahead in order to do that though. Fortunately they also still have a lot of time.
“We really need to go,” presses Lan Qiren, though he makes no move to fasten the kids’ goodbye.
It’s stupid, he still has time before Cloud Recesses might be attacked and burned by the Wen, but he cant’ help feeling uneasy, wanting to return and prepare the defense as soon as he reaches the place. He holds the cage that contains Lan Zhan’s new bunnies closer (the one Wei Ying caught for his arrival and the plushie they took the time to buy before leaving).
Cangse Sanren pats her son’s head and tenderly encourages him:
“Come on, go say goodbye.”
A-Ying sniffs and nods. He reaches out for Lan Zhan hoping to get at least one last hug before he goes.
“Goodbye Lan Zhan. I will miss you. Write to me okay? You’re my best friend.”
Yet the moment he gets close to Lan Zhan the boy steps closer. And in front of everyone's bewildered stares, he kisses A-Ying on the lips.
The adults blink. Lan Yuan drops the rope he has been holding, Lan Juan lets out a delighted squeal, Lan Qiren pales and Lan Huan smiles, as Lan Zhan takes one step back and confirms:
“Mn. Wei Ying is special.”
For the longest time no one speaks, completely stunned by the boldness of the scene. They got used to seeing Wei Ying kissing Lan Zhan on the cheek then ran away cackling, but never the other way around. Never on the lips. It seems Lan Zhan has suddenly stepped up their game. Then, suddenly, Jiang cheng lets out a very honest:
“Yerk!”
And like a dam has been broken, everyone reacts. Jiang Yanli lets out a very enthusiastic scream and hugs her A-Xian. Meng Yao blushes and Wen Qing rolls her eyes while A-Ning stares, puzzled.
Jiang Fengmian looks at the two boys with surprise. It’s a bit unexpected but… Oh well.
Cangse Sanren can’t help it, she laughs at Lan Qiren’s face, and her son’s obvious red face. What did he expect?!
“A-Ying, don’t go around kissing people and be surprised when they kiss you back!” She tells him.
Wei Changze shakes his head: wasn’t A-Ying supposed to make Lan Zhan laugh? And now, who is the one ending in a blushing giggling mess? It seems that his son has found his master, he is now the one being teased.
At that whole foolish situation, Yu Ziyuan has only one thing to say, she points the two boys and declares:
“They’re not marrying before my daughter.”
Which of course makes Lan Qiren spat: “Of course they aren't. They're too young to even consider this!!”
Wei Ying is completely red by now and goes to hide behind his parents’ legs.
“Mommy, Lan Zhan is teasing me!”
Though Lan Zhan isn’t much better, hiding behind his starry eyed brother, the tip of his ears all red.
Cangse Sanren takes her son in her arms and lulls him to calm him down, having trouble repressing her joy. Despite the lonely dark figure in the corner of her vision field, the future has never seemed brighter.
Notes:
I will take this opportunity to thanks, first of all my friend Nina who was the first one to talk to me about untamed, then Kris who DRAGGED me into untamed (and looked at me while i said i loved Wen Qing with a knowing smile BECAUSE SHE KNEW I WOULD SUFFER), and Marina who watched untamed with me and cried with me about our favs dying and MY missing the opportunity to have two husbands because for all his genius he is an idiot. Kris and Marina are also the ones i discussed first when i had an idea of an untamed fanfic came to my mind and i knew i wanted to write one but WHICH one. They advised me to their best ability and thus the reaosn you get this fic in the first place is because Kris told me to write, Marina told me "write the fluffy one not the angsty one even though i know you're going to break our heart as always" and Nina promised to read it. Then of course i need to thanks my amazing beta-readers : Fraudulent_moose, who arrived super motivated and that i welcomed with "great i have 20 chapters ina dvance when do you start?" The fact that he didn't run away immediately shows how great he is. And nashapixie who joined late but has been an immense help since then, putting up with my antics and my anxiety moments where i went "I HAVE AN IDEA TALK ME OUT OF IT PLEASE!" (sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't). She is also an amazing person.
Then of course i want to say thanks for you readers. i wish i could make a list of all your name but the box tell me i don't have many characters left and i don't want to forget one of you by accident so...Knows that i think of your names and thank you all of you who commented so regulary and played with me when i replied, for all of you who just commented once but leaving me a message so sweet i almost cried, for all of you who gathered th courage to tell me how much you loved my story despite the barrier language, for all of you who bookmarked or left a kudo, for all of you who never left any comment but read it until the end nonetheless ! I'm so grateful that you love my story. We often see the advice "write for yourself" on the internet, and while i do agree that you should always be your first reader and write a story you love, i do not write for myself most of the time...I love sharing my stories and i love seeing you react and care for those characters and the situation i put them through. I love reading about your theories, your ideas, your interpretations of the characters and the mystery! It helps me greatly. This story wouldn't be what it is today, and not half as good, without your input.
So thank you so much for helping me bring this story to life.
I hope i will see you again so we can make these characters have the happy ending they deserve.
See you on march 21th :)
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