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Adam sits for a long time in his old beat-up car that was parked in front of the firehouse that he called home. Home because he had spent the better part of the last five years there, taking on extra shifts as often as possible. He never actively thought about it as home but it was in every fiber of his being—that is, until seven weeks ago. It was seven weeks ago to the day since he last stepped foot inside of this home of his, and now he finds that he doesn’t have the guts to step back inside those sliding glass and metal doors—or does he?
Adam takes a deep breath and opens his car door, getting out slowly and standing near the back door. He tries not to think, tries to keep away the thoughts that are trying to invade every other second. He opens the back door and pulls out his shift bag, placing it on his shoulder before locking the car and turning around once more.
To face where it all began.
Adam had wanted to be a firefighter since he was two years old and his uncle gave him a bright red fire truck for his birthday. He took the damn thing with him everywhere—the sand box, the bath tub…hell, even to bed with him at night. The red paint began to slowly peel off over time, the stickers that comprised the headlights and taillights peeled off as well but to Adam it was the most beautiful thing in the world. He got good grades in school, started working out in the gym when he was sixteen and by the time he had graduated high school he had already applied to the fire academy—to the consternation of his parents and his brother.
Adam passed the academy exams with flying colors and worked his way up to lieutenant in a short amount of time. His parents were very proud of him but his mother worried every time Adam went on shift, asking him to text her every few hours, just to prove he was ok. Then one day Adam’s District Chief called him into his office to tell Adam that he was going to be moved to the busiest fire house in the city—House 64. Adam took on the challenge with a smile and his mother? She worried all the more…
Five years ago. Five years ago to this very day the love of his life walked into the busiest fire house in Cleveland…and Adam has never been the same.
Adam and crew had spent most of the night fighting a 4 alarm blaze in downtown Cleveland and had just returned to the fire house when they saw a group of school children standing in the large truck bay waiting for them. Everyone seemed happy to see the children except for Adam, who had gone in with four others to search the warehouse in case anyone was left behind in the blaze. While the other firefighters waved and called out greetings to the visitors Adam tried to sneak away. He usually loved visitors but today he just wanted to take a shower and have a chance to close his eyes for a few minutes…
That is, until he backed up and managed to step on the foot of the prettiest blonde male he’d ever seen.
“Now children, quiet down please! I know you are excited to see the firemen but the Fire Chief just told me that they were out all night long fighting a big fire downtown. The firefighters are all very tired so…maybe we should come back another day…OUCH!” Adam stepped forward once again and turned around immediately in an attempt to apologize, but the sight in front of him caused no words to escape his lips, his mouth hanging open. It took him a moment to collect his wits as he stared into a pair of warm chocolate brown eyes that appeared more amused than anything else.
“Please excuse our lieutenant, sir. He usually isn’t so boorish as to step on someone’s toes and not apologize.” Adam wanted to flip Boyer the finger but he decided it wouldn’t be appropriate in front of the children, so instead he simply mumbled “Later, Boyer” before choking out “I AM sorry, Mr…?”
“Ratliff. Tommy Joe Ratliff and these are the members of the local America’s Kids Club. And…” Adam thinks he sees Tommy’s eyes sparkle a bit as he leans forward and whispers “…and you're forgiven.”
Adam smiles as he calls out “Mr. Ratliff, children...welcome to Fire House 64! You are more than welcome to stay and take our tour, and at the end I’m sure the other fire fighters and I can find a few treats for you to have. Now…who wants to meet our mascot?” The kids all cheer and run off in search of the fire house’s dog as Tommy places his hand over Adam’s as he softly replies “Tommy…call me Tommy. And you are…?”
“Adam. C’mon.” Adam squeezes Tommy’s hand gently before stripping off his jacket and throwing it at Boyer. “Let’s go rescue the poor dog…”
Adam’s mind keeps him rooted to the spot next to his car as he thinks back to his first two dates with Tommy—both which were ruined by emergencies at the fire house. Tommy was patient and sweet, saying that he understood even as Adam could read the sadness and disappointment on Tommy’s face and in his voice. But Tommy never complained when his job took Adam away from him, not even when Adam was stuck working straight through their first wedding anniversary or when their honeymoon was cut short two days when the Fire Chief was severely injured on a call. No, Tommy understood that being a fireman was all that Adam ever wanted, and he didn’t want to get in the way of that dream. That was just the kind of man Tommy was.
Their wedding was beautiful. They had traveled to the Virgin Islands to a resort that offered wedding packages to gay couples. Adam’s family was there in force but only Tommy’s sister could attend, Tommy’s dad just having emergency open heart surgery the week before. Adam went to bed after making love to his husband that first night of wedded bliss thanking the heavens for a chance to love such a wonderful man as Tommy.
Adam now sighs, thinking about how the years had passed. Sure, they had fights over those years like any couple would but they worked them out. Adam couldn’t remember one serious fight between them. And things were never one sided. Adam gave as well as he got along the way—they were in this thing together.
Tommy was in a band when Adam met him and music was a large part of Tommy’s life. He was pleased that Adam understood and respected what Tommy began to call “The ‘other’ love of his life.” Adam saved up his money to buy Tommy an expensive guitar or bass for each of their anniversaries, and even went as far as to trade schedules with others in fire house so he could guarantee nights off when Tommy ‘s band played—to the point of working double shifts to accomplish his goal. Tommy would always beg him not to do it but Adam refused, saying that one of his biggest pleasures in life was to watch his love play.
On their third anniversary Tommy’s band was playing an important gig in a venue in downtown Cleveland, Adam sitting front and center as usual. This evening turned out to be one of the most special of their relationship. Adam’s eyes tear up now as he thinks back to how in the middle of the show Tommy took the mike away from the lead singer of his band, the man looking at him in shock. Adam knew how hard the next few minutes were for Tommy, knowing how naturally shy his husband was. Tommy gives the crowd a shy smile and softly says “Hi. My name’s Tommy Joe and this is my third wedding anniversary.” The crowd, most of whom follow the band closely, burst out in applause.
Tommy jumps down from the stage and walks over to Adam, the mike still clutched tightly in his hand, his guitar still strapped around his neck. “See, what you don’t know about my husband is that he is a fireman at Engine House 64. And another thing you do not know…” Tommy comes to a stop right in front of Adam, tears in his eyes. “…is that he is sitting there with a 2nd degree burn that covers his entire back and shoulders.” The crowd gasps and Adam blushes, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “His Fire Chief gave him time off to rest and recover but where is he? Sitting here watching me play when he should be home in our bed!” A single tear makes its slow way down Tommy’s face. “I just wanted to say that I love you and you have made me the happiest man in the world, every single day since we married. You are my soul mate and my love and I thank you for stepping on my foot at the fire house so we could meet.” Adam laughs along with the rest of the crowd. “This is for you, Adam.”
What Tommy does next makes Adam openly cry tears of joy and love. Tommy softly sings and plays “You Are My Sunshine”—the song that Tommy sings to Adam every time he is hurt or in pain after a long shift at the fire house. By the time Tommy is finished there isn’t a dry eye in the place and Adam, heedless of his injuries jumps up to wrap his arms around Tommy, pulling him in for a huge hug. The crowd cheers and Adam whispers “Thank you, my love. You are MY sunshine…and my angel.”
Their lives became much busier after that—the Fire Chief retired and Adam was promoted to the position, which meant more pay but many more hours away from Tommy, which he hated. Tommy’s band took off after someone posted his anniversary performance on YouTube, so much so that they ended up catching the attention of and then becoming the opening act for Fall Out Boy. With their work physically separating them the two made do with late night phone calls and constant texts and emails. Adam couldn’t Skype at the fire house, it was company rules but just hearing Tommy speak of his day and his success made Adam smile every single day, knowing that his love was happy and living out his dreams.
Tommy had been home for the last two weeks, FOB having to take time off for Andy’s wife to have a baby. It was 4am. Just three hours more and Adam would be home with Tommy for two days. Adam sat in his office watching the clock, thinking of his love cuddled up in their bed sound asleep. The thought brought a smile to Adam’s face…until he heard the sound of the alarm and a female voice calling out…
“Squad 3, Engine 17, Truck 4, Rescue 21. House fire, 2371 Ohio City Center.”
A chill ran down Adam’s spine. That was his house…and Tommy would be asleep…
Adam ran through the firehouse screaming at his men to hurry. They moved as fast as they could while giving him sad and stunned looks. Everyone at the fire house knew Tommy, knew how much Adam loved him. They ran as quick as they could to their vehicles.
When they arrived the scene was chaos. Neighbors stood on the sidewalks in their night clothes and robes. Adam jumped down from his truck before it came to a halt, breaking protocol by placing his air mask over his face and running straight into the house without backup. He could hear his men through the loud speaker in his helmet but he barely responded, saying only that he was headed to the bedroom to look for Tommy.
Adam found Tommy in the hallway at the top of the stairs, flames crawling off the closest wall and lighting a beam that had fallen on Tommy’s legs. Adam acted as quickly as he could, pushing the beam off and slapping out the flames on Tommy’s body before picking up his love in his arms and calling out to his men, telling them to have a gurney ready.
The next few minutes plunged Adam straight into hell. He vaguely remembers the EMTs pushing him aside so they could work on Tommy who tries desperately to reach for Adam’s hand. “Baby” Adam chokes out, squeezing Tommy’s hand tightly “…it’s gonna be ok. I love you.” Tommy tries to smile but fails, his face turning white under the streaks of smoke covering his skin. “Aaadam…” “Yeah, baby?” Tommy whispers something that Adam doesn’t hear over the frantic conversation of the EMTs. He leans down and chokes up when he hears:
“You…are my…sun…shine
My…only…sunshine
You…make me…happy
When skies’r…gray”
Adam sings the next three lines to Tommy, the words broken and hollow.
“You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t…take…my sunshine…away.”
Tommy smiles a faint smile and whispers “Now…I’m your angel…love you.” His eyes close and Adam sinks to his knees, a broken man.
Here it is seven weeks later and Adam wipes the tears off his face, taking a deep breath as he walks to the front door of the fire house. He knows that Tommy would not want him to give up his dream of being the best firefighter the city of Cleveland has ever known. As he is about to walk in the fire house he hears a voice singing from the sidewalk behind him and turns around. Adam sees a young woman pushing a stroller, her soft voice wavering as she sings to her little one.
“You are my sunshine
My only sunshine…”
Adam watches the young mother for a moment and smiles as he enters the firehouse. He knows that no matter what Tommy will be with him to guide and protect him. A sudden warmth fills Adam as he realizes that he will never be alone…because his angel will always be by his side…