you make me brave (among other things)

by untreasuring

Summary:

In a dystopian post-war world in the city of Chicago, society is divided into five separate factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue in an effort to maintain peace. Candor (the honest), Amity (the kind), Erudite (the intelligent), Abnegation (the selfless), and Dauntless (the brave).

On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must ceremoniously select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Josette Saltzman, the tough decision is between staying alongside her family or being who she truly is - she can't have both. On the day of the Choosing Ceremony, she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.

Notes:

im truly a sucker for the divergent series as well as hosie so this is my attempt at being creative. this will probably flop and i will be embarassed but feel free to leave your thoughts anyways.

also ps, this won't be identical to the series but i will definitely be drawing a lot of inspiration from it and putting my own twists.

Chapter 1

Josette Saltzman knows she's lucky to be in the city.

 

It's said the war was excruciating, that the world surrounding the city was obliterated until purely nothing but ash and debris remained. The founders built the barrier surrounding the city for protection, and developed a new system for society, dividing the citizens into five separate factions to keep the peace.

 

The smart ones, those who value knowledge and order and defy ignorance, are known as Erudite. They preach their concept that ignorance is defined not as stupidity, but as a lack of knowledge. They believe with a shared interest of knowledge and logical solutions, they can conquer the disconnection among people with differences. Erudite know everything about everything, and aren't afraid to prove themselves with statistics.

 

Amity, those who value peace and harmony above all else. They take pride in their comfortable states of kindness and tranquility, believing cruel thoughts hurt the speaker as much as it's target, therefore there is no need for such thoughts. Amity's always happy and willing to serve, they tend to animals and farm the lands that lie close to the barrier of the city.

 

Candor values honesty and order, believing anything can be resolved with the truth. They express themselves through the mortality of truth, so much so to the point of it sometimes being tactless, and even painful to themselves and others. They believe if a person willingly shares all their secrets, they have no desire to lie about anything because the truth is already out in the open, freeing themselves from their own minds and taking pride in that concept, even when you wish they wouldn't.

 

Dauntless. Otherwise known as the city's protectors, soldiers, and police. Those who are brave through thick and thin, seemingly fearless despite anything. They strive off their pride of courage and indestructibility, pushing themselves to serve in pure confidence for the greater good. They believe in ordinary acts of bravery, the courage that drives one person to stand up for another. They're the shouting voice for those who can only whisper, the strong defense for those who are helpless.

 

Most people think Dauntless are crazy, which granted, they kind of are, but Josette always thought they were amazing. Brave, fearless, and truly free.

 

Then, there is Josette's faction.

 

Abnegation, also called "stiffs" by most of the other factions for the fact that Abnegation oppresses their own needs despite anything. Those that value selflessness and care, the need of others above the need of oneself, or as they claim, "They Before I". They choose to turn away from their own reflection, never looking for too long in the mirror, and choose to rely not on themselves, but on others, to project outwards until they disappear. It's a simple life, living by the dedication of always helping others, even taking the time to provide food for the Factionless, those who don't have a place in society. Being public servants, as their faction is the most incorruptible due to the commitment of selflessness, Abnegation is trusted to run the government.

 

It's a complex system, but it's been the way of life for years since the war. It all works, everyone knows where they belong... except for Josette.

 

***

 

There's an art to losing yourself, or at least that's what Josette's mother had always told her for years. Of course, the brunette hasn't yet figured it out.

 

She's supposed to never think of herself, dedicated to the concept of selflessness, it's all about helping others and relying on your surroundings, along with a concrete rule of never looking too long into a mirror as it would defy all her principles.

 

There's only one mirror in the brunette's home, located behind a sliding panel in the hallway upstairs. The rule is, she's only allowed in front of it on the first day of every third month, the day her mother cuts her hair for her.

 

Josette sits silently on the stool, her mother behind her with a pair of scissors. Every few seconds, she glances down to see brunette strands fallen to the floor, shaping a dull ring. It never takes long for her hair to be trimmed, noting that her mother is now finished and pulling her freshly trimmed hair to the back of her head and twisting it into a knot.

 

She notices how calm her mother appears, how focused she is, despite the fact this may be the last time she ever cuts her daughter's hair for her. It's obvious the woman is well practiced in the art of losing oneself.

 

Sneaking a look at her reflection out of pure curiosity, Josette sees a slim face, chocolate colored eyes alongside long eyelashes, and pink tinted lips that seem to pout. She thinks she still looks like a little girl despite the fact she'd turn sixteen within the last few months. While the other factions celebrate birthdays, Abnegation doesn't, as it would be self-indulgent.

 

"There." Caroline smiles as she pins the brunette's hair in place. Josette's eyes catch her mother's in the mirror as it's too late to look away, and rather than being scolded, her mother smiles warmly at her.

 

"Are you nervous?"

 

Josette stares blankly at her reflection for a moment, as if remembering her life is truly about to change into something unknown. Today's the day of the aptitude test, the test that reveals her future and tells her which of the five factions she belongs in. Tomorrow is the Choosing Ceremony, where she'll be given the choice to choose freely from those five factions, to decide the route that determines the rest of her life, whether she'll stay with her family, or be forced to abandon them completely.

 

Faction before blood.

 

"No." Josette mutters, although she doesn't entirely believe herself. "Were you? For your test?"

 

"Mmm, no," Caroline hums with a small hint of humor. "I was terrified."

 

Chuckling softly, the brunette peers behind her to look into her mother's eyes as the woman gently grasps her face within her palm.

 

"But I didn't have any reason to be, and neither do you." Caroline presses a chaste kiss to the brunette's cheek before sliding the panel over the mirror. "Come on, let's go get breakfast before you have to get to school."

 

Josette thinks her mother is beautiful despite the idea of beauty being rather forbidden in her faction.

 

Her body is thin beneath the gray robe required for Abnegation clothing. Her mother has high cheekbones and pale blue eyes beneath her dark lashes, and when she lets her hair down at night, it hangs in blonde curls over her shoulders. Her mother is beautiful, but beauty is looked at as a form of selfishness, so she must conceal herself in the faction, confining to the stereotypical ideals known as the rules.

 

Walking alongside her mother, the brunette enters the kitchen. On these mornings when her sister cooks breakfast, and her mother occasionally peers at her with light in her eyes whilst she sets the table, and her father's hand gently skims her hair whilst he reads the morning paper - it is on these mornings that she feels the guiltiest for wanting to leave them.

 

Of course, she fears her test results will tell her she doesn't belong in Abnegation, only providing further reason for her to abandon her family, but she fears above all that it will tell her to stay.

 

***

 

Josette grimaces as she finds the bus reeks of exhaust, and when it drives over a patch of uneven pavement, it rocks her from side to side, causing her grip on the seat beneath her to tighten. Glancing around, she finds her twin sister, Elizabeth, standing in the aisle holding a railing to keep herself steady.

 

Although they're twins, they don't look alike. Elizabeth holds many features of their mother's, having the same blonde hair and blue eyes. Josette shares more features with her father, having dark hair and dark eyes, but she does get her wavy hair from her mother.

 

She thinks her sister is beautiful too, despite the idea of beauty being forbidden in her faction. If her sister wasn't Abnegation, surely the boys at school would stare at her.

 

Her sister had also inherited her mother's talent of selflessness, as she gave her seat to a man from Candor without hesitation. For her sister, it's far more than easy, and Josette finds herself questioning how she always seems to put others first without a second thought.

 

The man from Candor wears a black suit with a white tie, the standard wardrobe colors signifying their beliefs and values. Their faction sees the truth as black and white, therefore, that is what they wear. Each faction wears different colors, expressing what they stand for through the color of their clothing. For Abnegation, it's modest and concealed, wearing only gray and covering as much skin as possible.

 

The bus suddenly passes beneath elevated tracks, bumping slightly. The brunette has never been on the trains as the only faction that rides them is Dauntless. Josette peers toward her sister once again, finding the blonde's expression to be placid. Her gray robe hangs slightly off her arm, revealing the skin of her wrist as she clutches the railing.

 

As the bus comes to a jolted stop in front of the school, Josette rises from her seat, passing by the man from Candor. She stumbles slightly over her long robe, gripping her sister's arm for balance.

 

They walk alongside each other towards the school among the numerous buildings throughout the city, all made up of glass and steel. They pass by a particular high-scale building made entirely of glass, and the brunette recognizes it as one of the infamous buildings that Dauntless climb after school, daring each other to see who can climb the fastest.

 

"Aptitude tests are today." Josette mutters, glancing towards her sister.

 

Elizabeth simply nods as they pass through the front doors of the school, making their way towards the upper levels of the building, where the rest of the sixteen year olds are for their last day. The atmosphere feels suffocating as she walks.

 

"You're not worried at all?" The brunette asks.

 

Elizabeth raises an eyebrow. "Are you?"

 

"Not really." Josette lies, forcing a small smile. She ponders if she could actually be honest with her sister, admitting she'd been worried for weeks about what the test will reveal.

 

Who is she truly - Abnegation, Candor, Erudite, Amity, or even Dauntless?

 

"Well... just relax, and trust the test. It's simple, really." Elizabeth smiles back before beginning to walk in the direction of her own first class. "Have a good day."

 

Josette sighs before walking towards her first class, Faction History. The hallways are cramped with kids from all different factions, as school is one of the only places where factions are a mixture rather than being separated. The crowd is busy and seemingly optimistic as it's the last day before a new future comes.

 

A taller boy wearing a light blue sweater purposely shoves his shoulder hard against the brunette, causing her to lose her balance and fall to the ground.

 

"Get the hell out of my way, Stiff." The Erudite boy snarls aggressively before continuing to walk down the hallway.

 

Josette's face feels incredibly warm as she lifts herself up from the ground, brushing off her gray robe. She feels everyone's eyes on her as she quickly makes her way down the hall, not at all surprised that nobody had offered to help her up.

 

The discrimination towards the Abnegation faction had always been an occurrence, now more than ever it seems. The Erudite faction specifically have been releasing antagonistic behavior towards Abnegation, effecting the way the students of both factions interact in school.

 

The gray clothing, plain hairstyle, and unassuming demeanor of the brunette's faction are supposed to make it much easier for her to forget herself, along with everyone else forgetting her too. She finds it makes her a target more than anything.

 

Josette pauses by a window in the hallway, her eyes on the train tracks waiting for Dauntless to arrive soon.

 

Every morning, at exactly 7:25, the Dauntless faction express their obvious bravery by jumping from the rapidly moving train, cheering through the air and enjoying the freedom their faction allows them.

 

Her father, Alaric, had always called the Dauntless faction "hellions". From their all black clothing, their piercings and tattoos, to their rowdy and unapologetic behavior of mischievousness. Their purpose as a faction is to guard the barrier of the city, but from what exactly, she's not for sure.

 

She knows she should be frankly perplexed by the faction, as it's the complete opposite in every way of her own. She should wonder what courage has to do with permanent ink on skin or metal pierced through flesh, but instead, her eyes always seem to cling to the faction wherever they go.

 

It's almost like a magnetic pull, she just can't look away.

 

Even from in the building, the train whistle blares loudly, the sound resonating in Josette's chest. As the last few cars of the train appears, a mass of young men and women in dark clothing hurl themselves from the moving cars, most landing their jump perfectly to the ground whilst others stumble slightly before gaining their balance.

 

Watching them is a foolish practice, the brunette knows. She forces herself to look away before darting through the crowd of students to get to the Faction History classroom.

 

***

 

The aptitude tests begin after lunch. Josette sits beside her sister surrounded by the rest of the sixteen year old students at the long marble tables in the cafeteria while the test administrators periodically call ten names at a time, one for each testing room.

 

The test administrators are mostly from Abnegation and volunteering, although their is one administrator from Erudite and one from Dauntless to test the sixteen year olds from Abnegation, as the rules state she can't be tested by someone from her own faction.

 

The rules also state nobody is able to prepare for the test in any way, so truthfully, the brunette has no idea what to expect. The only thing she can think about is the speech that finished just a short moment ago, the speech that the Erudite test administrator was required to give before testing began.

 

"One hundred years ago, after the war, our founders created a system they believed would prevent future conflict among society and create lasting peace. Today, aptitude testing based on your personality will assign you to one of the factions, revealing where you truly belong. While it is our belief that choosing the faction indicated by your test is the best way to ensure success within the faction system, it is your right tomorrow at the Choosing Ceremony to choose any of the five factions, regardless of your test results. However, once your choice has been made, there will be no change permitted. As always, faction before blood."

 

Josette's gaze shifts towards the Dauntless tables across the room. They're laughing and playing cards, chatting rather loudly with each other.

 

At another set of tables, Erudite talk over books and the day's newspaper on their obsessive, constant pursuit of knowledge.

 

A group of Amity girls and boys dressed in their colors of yellow and red sit neatly in a circle on the tiled floor, playing some type of hand-slapping game.

 

At the table next to them, Candor boys make wild gestures with their hands, seemingly arguing. It must not be serious, the brunette notes, as some of them are smiling.

 

The Abnegation table is silent as they wait. Faction customs dictate behavior and supersede individual preference, and while the brunette doubts Erudite want to always study all the time or Amity wants to smile until their face is permanently stuck that way, they can't defy against the norms of their factions.

 

Josette counts the minutes in her head as she stares blankly at the marble table until suddenly Elizabeth's name is called, causing her to glance towards her sister. The blonde stands and moves confidently towards the exit, no doubt trusting the test will turn out just fine. She knows where she belongs, it's obvious she always has.

 

Josette's earliest memory of her sister is when they were five years old, and the blonde scolded her for not giving up her place at the swing-set for another child. Her sister doesn't bother to lecture her often, but she has her look of disapproval thoroughly memorized. She's tried countless times to calmly explain to her sister that they don't share the same natural instincts, but Elizabeth just doesn't understand.

 

"Just do what you're supposed to do, it's that simple." Elizabeth always says.

 

Josette sighs quietly as her stomach twists in knots. She closes her eyes tightly, keeping them closed until about ten minutes later when Elizabeth sits back down beside her.

 

She's as pale as a ghost, pushing her palms against her gray robe to wipe off sweat, and the brunette notices how her fingers shake slightly. She opens her mouth to ask if she's alright, until she remembers. She's not allowed to ask her sister about her results, as her sister is not allowed to tell her or anyone else.

 

An Abnegation volunteer walks into the cafeteria, and speaks the next round of names. She zones out until suddenly she hears it. "From Abnegation: Josette Saltzman."

 

Josette stands immediately only because she's supposed to, if it were up to her, she would stay seated for the rest of her life for her own sake. She can't shake the nervous feeling that seems to flood within her, the knots in her stomach doubling in intensity while she takes a deep breath to calm herself before walking towards the exit. There's a crater in her chest that expands in weight by the second, her hands seem to shake relentlessly, and she has to grip the hem of her gray robe to steady them.

 

Finding herself in front of her assigned testing room, Josette walks in slowly to find a woman from Dauntless already inside. She notices the woman is not as severe-looking as she would assume. The woman has dark straight hair, sharp eyebrows, and she wears a black blazer and jeans. It's only when she turns slightly that a tattoo on the back of her neck reveals itself, a black hawk with a red eye. The brunette wants to ask her what it means, if only her heart hadn't migrated straight to her throat.

 

Mirrors cover most of the walls of the room, and Josette can see her rare reflection from every angle. The ceiling glows white with bright lights, even though the sun shines outside through the singular window in the room. In the center of the room beside the Dauntless woman is a reclined chair with a machine next to it.

 

The brunette glances toward her reflection again out of pure curiosity.

 

"I never understood what it is with you Abnegation and mirrors."

 

The woman's voice surprises Josette, not expecting her to comment on her faction, but she shrugs. "We reject vanity."

 

"I know." The woman mutters with a hint of humor in her tone. "Have a seat. My name is Tori, I'll be administering your test."

 

Clumsily, Josette slides in the reclined chair, lying against the headrest and squinting slightly against the bright lights. It hurts her eyes, so she opts to glance to the side and watch as the Dauntless woman, Tori, busies herself with the computer-like machine.

 

"Why the hawk?" Josette blurts out before she can stop herself, but curses herself in her mind. Her curiosity is a mistake, a betrayal of her faction's values. She tries not to flinch as Tori attaches an electrode to the side of her head.

 

"Never met a curious Abnegation before." Tori says as if she's confused, cocking an eyebrow slightly. She studies the brunette for a moment before going on. "In some parts of the ancient world, the hawk symbolizes the sun. I got the tattoo because I figured if I always had the sun on me, I wouldn't be afraid of the dark."

 

Josette perks up slightly when Tori presses another electrode to the opposite side of her head. She tries to stop herself from asking another question, but she can't. "You're afraid of the dark?"

 

"I was afraid of the dark." Tori corrects the brunette. "Now, it just reminds me of the fear that I've overcome."

 

Squeezing the armrests tightly, Josette takes a deep breath to calm herself. Only a moment passes before Tori holds a small glass with a clear liquid inside, attempting to pass it to her. "Drink this."

 

"Why?" Josette's voice wavers slightly, her throat feeling nearly swollen. "What will happen?"

 

"I can't tell you, just trust me and drink it."

 

Josette takes a deep breath before swiftly downing the contents in the glass, closing her eyes tightly afterwards.

 

She opens them after a short second, finding herself standing alone in the cafeteria of her school. All the marble tables are empty, nothing and nobody in sight, and she notices that it's snowing outside from the tall window overlooking the train tracks.

 

There's a small glass table in front of her, two baskets placed on top. One holds a large steak, and the other holds a rather long and sharp looking knife.

 

A feminine voice suddenly sounds throughout the room. "Choose."

 

"Why?" Josette asks, confused. She glances around only to find no one is there before turning back to the table in front of her. "What will I do with them?"

 

"Choose, before it's too late." The voice sounds harsher as it repeats itself.

 

The brunette crosses her arms, her fear and confusion disappearing as stubbornness takes over. She refuses to give in without a good enough reason.

 

"Fine, be that way." The voice says with an attitude.

 

The table along with its contents suddenly disappears, and Josette hears the sound of a door creaking. She turns toward the entrance of the cafeteria, her eyes widening when she sees a large wolf-like dog with a long snout standing a few yards away. It crouches low and begins to creep towards her, its shoulders hunching and sharp teeth appearing as it snarls.

 

A savage growl sounds loudly from the dog, sending chills down Josette's spine. She can see why the basket's contents would've came in handy, but it's too late now. She knows she can't run, as the dog will obviously be faster than her, nor can she try to wrestle it to the ground. Her head pounds as she thinks of a decision to make, and as the dog continues to creep closer, the growling grows louder, and she thinks she can almost feel the sound vibrating through her skull.

 

She can't run. She can't fight. She only watches as the dog comes closer, noticing the details of its dark fur, and how there are no whites within its eyes, only a black abyss. The brunette's breathing is loud yet steady as she finally decides to sink down to her knees, finding it must be the closest thing she can do as a sign of submission. Of course, lying down on the ground in front of the vicious creature - its teeth exactly level with her face - is the last thing she wants to do, but she doesn't have any other option.

 

Closing her eyes and lowering her head, Josette stills as the dog creeps even closer until its warm breath fans against her face. She shakes slightly as it barks in her ear, and she clenches her teeth to keep quiet.

 

Something wet and rough suddenly glides against her cheek, and when the brunette lifts her head, she finds the dog panting, the growling ceased. The dog had licked her face.

 

Josette frowns slightly as she sits back on her heels, watching as the dog props its large paws up on her knees and licks her chin. She cringes slightly but can't help the laughter that escapes through her smile.

 

"You're not so vicious after all, huh?"

 

Josette lifts from the ground slowly, although the dog is now gentle, she still doesn't want to startle it.

 

She closes her eyes in a sense of relief, and when she opens them, she finds a little girl dressed in Abnegation clothing standing only a yard away. Her eyes are wide and she smiles brightly as she stretches out both her hands in the air. "Puppy!"

 

The little girl begins to run towards the dog, and Josette opens her mouth in an attempt to warn her, but she's too late. The dog snarls and snaps viciously as it starts to sprint at the little girl, attempting to pounce. The brunette doesn't hesitate to act, she runs and hurls her body on top of the dog all within a few seconds, wrapping her arms around its chest.

 

When her head collides with the ground, the dog and the little girl have vanished and she's no longer in the cafeteria. Josette finds herself standing in aisle of a still bus. Beside her is an older man holding a newspaper with rather calloused hands.

 

"Do you know this guy?" The man suddenly speaks to her with an urgent tone. He lightly taps the picture on the front of the newspaper, and the brunette reads it.

 

"Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended!"

 

Josette shutters slightly at the word 'murderer'. It fills her with dread, not knowing what is it come. The picture on the newspaper reveals a man with a beard and a plain face.

 

It feels as if the brunette does in fact know the man in the paper, although she's not for sure how exactly. She isn't sure it'd be a smart idea to inform the man of what she knows, anyways.

 

"Well?" The man asks angrily. "Do you?"

 

Josette's heart pounds as she glances around nervously, unsure of what to do. She knows it's a bad idea. If she tells the man that she knows the murderer, she knows something bad will happen to her. She realizes she can convince the man that she doesn't know what he's talking about, although it would be a lie.

 

The brunette clears her throat and shrugs slightly. Her fear is irrational, but she knows this is just a test. None of it is real.

 

"No," She says, her voice casual. "I have no idea who he is."

 

The man's mouth bends into a snarl as he lowers the newspaper from in front of his face. He leans in closer and the brunette grimaces at the strong stench of cigarettes that radiates from his breath.

 

"You're lying!" He growls. "I can see it in your eyes."

 

"I'm not lying." Josette straightens herself higher in confidence, although she feels weak against the man.

 

"If you know him," The man speaks in a low voice. "you could save me. You could save me!"

 

"I'm sorry, I don't know him."

 

Everything darkens in an instant, and Josette wakes with sweaty palms and a pang of guilt in her chest.

 

She's lying in a reclined chair of a mirrored room, recognizing it as the testing room, which means her aptitude test must be over. She glances towards the side to see Tori reaching for the electrodes attached to her head, and the brunette notices how wide her eyes are, how her lips are pressed in a thin line, and how it's obvious she seems panicked.

 

Josette waits for Tori to say something, anything really, about how the test had went. Was it over? Did she do well? Although, how could she possibly fail a test that reveals the true aspects of her character? Tori is only silent as she studies the computer-like machine.

 

Sitting forward and wiping her palms against her gray robe, Josette wonders if she had done something wrong, even if the test was only in her mind. Is the strange expression on Tori's face because she doesn't know how to tell the brunette what a terrible person she is?

 

"That... was perplexing." Tori finally speaks, although her voice seems reserved and quiet. "Excuse me, I'll be right back."

 

Josette watches as she leaves before she brings her knees to her chest and rests her head against them. She wishes she felt like crying, because at least tears could give her some sort of relief.

 

How could she possibly fail something like this? She grows more nervous as the minutes pass, and the thought of possibly being Factionless wonders into her mind. It would mean she's not destined to fit in anywhere, she would live on the streets in poverty and filth among the rest of the Factionless people.

 

To be Factionless is not only to be living in poverty, it is to be secluded from society, deprived of true life, love, and community. That's certainly not her destiny, she refuses it. Her mother had once told her that some may be able to survive alone, but thriving was never a possibility. Without a faction, there is no purpose or real reason to live.

 

The door of the testing room finally opens, revealing Tori quickly walking in before shutting the door carefully. She clears her throat before saying, "Sorry to worry you."

 

The brunette notices she still looks tense and pale, and as another silent moment passes, she decides she's had enough of the wondering.

 

"What was my result?" Josette asks in a harsh tone, her eyes scanning Tori carefully as she stands beside the brunette with her hands buried in her pockets, the nervous look on her face never ceasing.

 

"Abnegation..." Tori says in a rush. "Erudite, and Dauntless."

 

Josette frowns, the panic in her chest growing immensely as confusion takes over. "What?"

 

"Your results were inconclusive."

 

"I don't understand." The brunette mutters, her voice shaking. "That's impossible, the test was supposed to-"

 

"No, not impossible." Tori interrupts, shaking her head. "It's just very rare."

 

"The simulation is supposed to eliminate one or more of the factions with each stage, but in your case, only two factions were ruled out. This gave you the equal aptitude result of three factions, rather than just one. If you had selected the steak in the first stage and gave it to the dog, it would have proven your aptitude for Amity. You didn't though, which is why Amity was ruled out. In the second stage on the bus, your insistence upon dishonesty ruled out Candor. You threw yourself on the dog in the first stage, which confirmed your aptitude for Abnegation. It also proved your aptitude for Dauntless, as well as not running from the dog but facing it head-on. Your intelligence with your responses confirmed your aptitude for Erudite."

 

"I'm still really confused." Josette says mostly to herself. She feels as if a thousand bricks have fallen upon her shoulders, suffocating her relentlessly.

 

"You display equal aptitude for Abnegation, Erudite, and Dauntless. It's such a rare occurrence, but... they call it Divergent." Tori explains, mumbling the last word so quietly that the brunette almost doesn't hear it.

 

“Josette, listen to me very carefully, under no circumstance should you ever tell anyone about this. Not your friends, your family, anyone."

 

"We aren't supposed to share our test results," Josette nods. "I know that."

 

"No." Tori leans in closer, placing her hand against the armrest as her face is only inches away from the brunette's. "This is different. Very different. Never, ever, share the fact that you tested inconclusive. Not now, not at any point in the future. I know it's confusing to you, but divergence is extremely dangerous. Do you understand?"

 

Josette doesn't understand what exactly the older girl means when she says inconclusive results are 'dangerous', yet she nods anyway. She lifts from the chair, feeling a bit weak as she stands.

 

"I suggest you tell your family that the serum made you sick, and that I sent you home. You have a lot of thinking to do, and you need to trust yourself with your decision tomorrow." Tori says, gesturing towards the back exit of the room.

 

Josette doesn't say anything else, and she rests the palm of her hand against her forehead as she exits the room.

 

The weight on her shoulders feels even more suffocating as she ponders the numerous thoughts flowing through her mind.

 

She can't bear the thought of the Choosing Ceremony happening tomorrow, and while everyone else gets a clear single-faction result, she had positive aptitude for several, leaving her right back where she started in her indecisiveness of her future.

 

It's her choice now, no matter what the test says.

 

Abnegation. Erudite. Dauntless.

 

Divergent.

 

Chapter 2

Notes:

surprisingly this has gotten a lot of positive feedback overnight, which is pretty fuckin dope. so here's the second chapter :)

Josette walks along the curb of the roughly patched road, her mind restless.

 

Renovation surrounds her, as she's in the area of the city filled with crumbling and distasteful remains of old buildings. Most are salvageable, however, as her mother works as part of the Abnegation agency responsible for certain renovation of the city.

 

Her thoughts drift, finding herself thinking of Abnegation. Her faction, if she can even call it that anymore. She thinks of the Abnegation lifestyle from a different perspective quite often, and honestly, she finds it to be beautiful. What more could you want out of life other than a commitment of helping others, whilst surrounded by family and love?

 

The brunette can't help but adore the life each time she thinks of it, the seemingly perfect qualities of the faction should allow it to stand out among the rest. It's only when she tries to live it herself, that she finds herself perplexed. The way she's lived has never felt genuine, she never feels truly satisfied.

 

Choosing a different faction, however, means she would permanently forsake her family, and everything she's ever known. She isn't sure she can bare the thought.

 

Josette walks slowly past the wasted buildings, her eyes scanning the details of the busted glass and broken sidewalks she walks through. In certain areas where the road once collapsed, it was never repaired, revealing pits of waste and discolored sewage water, reeking of a powerful gruesome scent and the brunette is forced to hold her breath.

 

It's where the Factionless live. Once members of the society, they had failed to complete their initiation of their factions, leading them to be executed to live in poverty and loneliness. While they put forth the effort to do work around the city, Abnegation rewards them with necessities such as food and clothing. As her mother had once told her though, not enough of either.

 

It's not long before Josette reaches the street her house is on. She glances down to her watch to check the time, finding the rest of her family should be home soon enough. The only accessory Abnegation allows, because it's practical and helpful, is a plain watch. The brunette's is thin, with only a gray band and a glass face. If she tilts it just right, she can see bits of her reflection through the glass.

 

As she approaches her home, Josette glances up to see blonde hair and a gray robe sprinting towards her.

 

"Josette!" Elizabeth calls, gently grabbing hold of her sister's arm when she approaches her. "Are you alright? Where'd you go after your test?"

 

"I'm fine."

 

Peering around her sister slightly, the brunette frowns to find she wasn't alone. A taller boy with dark floppy hair wearing a gray vest stands still only a few feet away, his eyes remaining on her with concern swimming within them. Sebastian, she thinks is his name. He doesn't often come around, as she's only seen him a few times before, finding it oddly cute each time he and her sister modestly flirt with one another.

 

"I got sick, so they sent me home. Must have been that serum they gave us, or maybe just my nerves. I feel much better now, though." Josette attempts to give her sister a convincing smile.

 

Sebastian seem to let it go, as he's no longer staring at her as if she's insane. Elizabeth still narrows her eyes with a frown, the way she always does when she suspects someone of duplicity.

 

"Did you take the bus today? I know your father usually drives you." Josette turns to Sebastian, frankly not caring for his response but she needs to change the subject.

 

"Unfortunately, my father had to work late." The boy nods with a small smile. "He told me I should also be wise to spend a lot of time thinking before the ceremony tomorrow."

 

Josette's heart seems to pound like a sledgehammer against her chest at the mention of the ceremony.

 

"Well, you're more than welcome to join us for dinner tonight if you'd like." Elizabeth says politely, but the brunette recognizes the adoration in the gleam of her eyes.

 

"I believe the ol' man wants me home tonight," Sebastian smirks. "but thank you."

 

Josette knows her sister and Sebastian flirt in the tentative and modest way only known to Abnegation. It's never a thought to be explicit when it comes to interaction, which she has never understood nor has she ever experienced any form of a relationship.

 

Elizabeth's eyes follow Sebastian as he walks off in a desirable gaze, and the brunette has to grab her arm to startle her back to reality. She leads her sister into the house in silence.

 

Elizabeth turns to her, her blue eyes filled with accusation and her brows draw together. When she frowns as she is now, the brunette notices she looks even more alike their mother. It's not hard to imagine her sister having the same life as their parents: staying in Abnegation, graduating, marrying Sebastian and having a family.

 

It would be wonderful for her sister, but as for herself, she just can't see it.

 

"Do you wish to tell me the truth now?" Elizabeth asks softly before laughing. "At least I know you could never be Candor."

 

"I'm not supposed to discuss it." Josette says quietly. "And you're not supposed to ask."

 

"Of all the rules you defy against, this one you can't bend? It's important." The blonde's face seems to paint itself with offence, her brows raising. Her words seem almost accusatory, as if she'd actually break the rules for once in her life for this very reason.

 

"Tell me your results then, since you're so up for sharing." Josette narrows her gaze, her lips tugging into a sarcastic smile. "Don't think I didn't see how pale and shaken up you were after your test."

 

The silence in the lounge room is deafening as both girls stare blankly at one another, waiting for the other to break. It's interrupted by the train horn blaring distantly through the atmosphere. Josette knows the sound by heart, and she can't help but feel as if it's Dauntless calling her to them.

 

"I'm sorry. Just... don't tell Mom and Dad, okay? Please." Josette pleads, and Elizabeth stares at her with a look she can't truly decipher, before she curtly nods. She turns without another word and makes her way into the kitchen to prepare the night's dinner.

 

***

 

By the time her parents arrive home, dinner is completely prepared and the dining table is set. The aroma of fresh vegetables and grilled chicken fills the entirety of the kitchen.

 

Her father, Alaric, greets her with a chaste kiss to her forehead before setting his work bag down on the counter and taking his seat beside her mother at the dining table. His day was busy and he must be exhausted, she knows, as he is the leader among the Abnegation running the government. Most people in society respect her father, while others make snide comments seeing him too opinionated. She sees the good in him though, as he is gentle and loving towards his family.

 

"How did your test go today, Josette?"

 

Josette ignores the eerie chill that slides through her spine when her father mentions the aptitude test. All she can think of is danger, although she still has no clue what to make of anything she was told. "Fine."

 

Her sister was right, she could never be Candor. She lies without a single moment of hesitation, even to her family.

 

"I heard there was a problem with one of the tests today." Caroline hums. Her mother works for the government as well, mostly managing and observing work throughout the city alongside organizing charities for the Factionless.

 

"Is that so?" Alaric asks, intrigued as he raises his brows. A problem with the aptitude tests is rather unheard of.

 

"I don't know much, I only heard one of the students had a problem with their tests so the results had to be reported verbally. The student allegedly grew sick and had to be sent home early." Caroline shrugs. "Did you girls hear about that?"

 

"No." Elizabeth says calmly, and the brunette bites her lip to suppress laughter. Her sister could never be Candor, either.

 

A moment passes. the only sound in the room is silverware occasionally colliding with platters. The silence is interrupted when Josette hears her father speak with a reluctant tone.

 

"I had a rather difficult day at work. I usually enjoy leadership among the council, but it seems to be a chore as of recently." He puts on a sad smile, causing Caroline to overlap her hand over his in comfort.

 

"Is this about the reports Erudite released?" Caroline asks, frowning slightly. Her words sound bitter as if she is annoyed, which is a rare emotion for the woman. "Seems they've been doing everything they can to discredit Abnegation recently."

 

"Wait, why?" Josette asks urgently before she can stop herself.

 

She catches Elizabeth sending her a disapproving look from her peripheral vision. The dinner table is normally reserved for their parents to talk about their days at work whilst both girls listen - they're not supposed to talk.

 

"Erudite believes Abnegation is unfit to be the governing faction because while we value selflessness, they value knowledge. They think they're the strongest and smartest faction, and they attack us purely out of spite of our position." Caroline says, letting out a sigh after she speaks.

 

Her expression seems calm, yet it's obvious to the brunette that her mother has an internal conflict from the subject.

 

"It's purely their leader behind this ridiculous banter. Niklaus Mikaelson." Alaric shakes his head, scoffing with an angered grin on his face. "That arrogant, pompous son of a-"

 

Caroline places her hand upon his shoulder, narrowing her eyes as a warning. Josette knows her mother doesn't particularly like for herself or her father to show anger in front of the two young girls.

 

Alaric clears his throat, glancing at his daughters quickly before continuing. "I apologize. Frankly, I just don't see how Niklaus thinks he has the right to express his prejudice towards Abnegation. I mean, especially with those old anonymous reports released on his name. The complete opposite of what a leader stands for, in my opinion."

 

"What reports?" Josette asks curiously, raising her eyebrows.

 

She forgets the fact she shouldn't be speaking and interrupting her parents, and she catches Elizabeth's scolding gaze once again. It feels like needles piercing every inch of flesh on her body, she never did enjoy being scolded.

 

"Josette." The blonde says quietly.

 

The brunette ignores the heat that rushes directly to her cheeks, opting to nurture the eating utensil in her hand.

 

"It's an old accusation, really. I'm not for sure if its entirely truthful, as it is absolutely absurd and cruel. It's said that two years ago, Niklaus neglected and abused his only daughter, and that's why the girl chose to transfer to Dauntless during her Choosing Ceremony, rather than her original faction, Erudite."

 

The words her father speaks causes Josette to ponder. She had heard the story of the accusation held against Niklaus Mikaelson, the Erudite leader, among the hallways at school before. She never thought much of it, and she knows there isn't much revealed detail surrounding the neglected girl in question, other than the fact she's the only Mikaelson heir, and she's apart of Dauntless.

 

The Mikaelson family have been known for years for their high status in society from their wealth and high rankings in initiation of their factions, and whilst the girl is a Mikaelson, no one truly knows anything about her other than the fact she's from one of the highest families known. It makes the brunette wonder, could the accusation about Niklaus's heartless persona really be true after all? So much so that the heir completely hides the fact she's descended from the highest family?

 

"While it's only an accusation, I certainly hope it's true. It at least could give us something to use against the Erudite faction trying to suppress us." Alaric confesses with a shrug, sounding truly serious. If there's one thing the brunette's father is known for other than his governing position, it's his persistent habits.

 

"We will not submit ourselves to such gossip. We need to remain strong as a united faction against Erudite, and hope this diverting jealously banter ends soon." Caroline gives her husband a stern look, although the hint of a smile ghosts her lips.

 

Josette knows she would never choose Erudite. While this conflict of feud occurs among the factions, and the leader seems like someone she'd want to entirely steer away from, she doesn't picture herself choosing the Erudite faction. Even if the test confirmed her aptitude for knowledge.

 

Dinner passes quickly as their conversation of Erudite ceases, and different from the usual routine, her parents don't allow her or her sister to help clean up the kitchen. She knows they're supposed to keep to themselves for the rest of the night to think about their decision, as well as get plenty of rest.

 

Josette still holds numerous thoughts scrambled throughout her mind about tomorrow, conflicted and confused on what exactly she'll do. She feels as if her family could certainly help her choose, but she'd been warned carefully not to speak of her results in any way. Tori's warning whispers in the back of her head each time her resolve of keeping her mouth shut falters.

 

Josette climbs the staircase alongside her sister, quickly reaching the top where their bedrooms are straight across from each other. Before the brunette has the chance to grip the doorknob, she feels a hand gently skim her arm, causing her to turn around.

 

"Tomorrow when we choose..." Elizabeth starts with a shaken tone, looking sharply into her sister's eyes. "We should think of the family." A moment passes where the blonde looks conflicted, and she takes a deep breath. "But... we must also think of ourselves."

 

The words surprise Josette, causing her to stare directly at her sister with widened eyes. She's never heard or seen her sister ever think of herself, nor betray her commitment to selflessness.

 

It's unusual, as if her sister's statement lit a match and flames made purely of melancholy burn her inside and out. She tries to recover, breathing deeply as she shakes her head at the blonde. "The tests... don't have to mean anything. They don't have to change our choices."

 

Elizabeth smiles sadly, and she hesitates. "Don't they, though?"

 

Josette doesn't have time to say anything else before Elizabeth offers one last smile and resorts quickly into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. The brunette feels the infamous weight of bricks drop harshly upon her shoulders, and she wishes she could comfort her sister, admitting they're going through the same exact thing.

 

Admitting she truly needs help, and that she's so lost.

 

But, the idea of admitting that is forsaken and too much to bear, so Josette turns away.

 

***

 

The night seems to pass by Josette within an instant, her state of panic only doubling and further suffocating her as she sits on the bus among other Abnegation members wearing gray gowns, vests, and slacks. The sun shines through the windows of the bus, only a pale ring like the end of a cigarette visible through the mass of clouds in the sky.

 

Soon enough, the bus comes to a sharp halt, and Josette follows suite after her parents and twin sister, not wanting to become lost among the large crowd of families from the four other factions.

 

She quickly glances to Elizabeth, noticing that she seems surprisingly calm given the circumstances. The brunette figures she would share her sister's monotonous expression, if only she knew what exactly she was going to do for her decision in the ceremony. Instead, she gets the strong impression that her heart will soon combust from her chest at any point, so she softy grips her sister's hand for comfort as they near the steps of The Hub.

 

The tallest building in the entire city made up of exquisitely tainted glass and carved steel, The Hub is where all families harboring sixteen year olds are currently on their way to for the Choosing Ceremony. It's crowded and loud, only further giving the brunette more reason for being unable to catch her breath. Her family climbs the stairs among the rest of the Abnegation, created a mass of gray fabric ascending the cement steps.

 

The unrelenting noise of the crowd makes Josette's head pound.

 

Her legs grow sore and she struggles to breathe even more as she continues to climb the steps alongside her sister. It feels as if it's never-ending, until suddenly her father is holding the door to the top floor open. The crowd presses her into the room, and she grips Elizabeth's hand tighter as she glances around.

 

The room that will very soon decide her future.

 

It's arranged neatly, a mass of seats ascend on the far end of the room, organized to where each faction is clearly separated by their distinct colors. She notices Abnegation on the far left corner, and widens her eyes slightly when she notices Erudite right beside the gray mass of people.

 

Not every family member of each sixteen year old comes to watch the Choosing Ceremony, but enough join to where the crowd is intimidatingly large. While families fill most of the seating, the final two rows hold every sixteen year old that has to choose their faction. Elizabeth will choose before her, and the thought is oddly satisfying.

 

The responsibility to conduct the Ceremony rotates from faction to faction every year, and this year is Erudite's. The thought of Niklaus Mikaelson giving the opening speech before the Ceremony begins is enough to make her feel lightheaded, the thoughts of last night's conversation with her family crossing her mind.

 

Josette's eyes focus to the very front of the room, finding a large table on the white podium, five metal bowls placed on top. Each one containing a substance that represents each faction: solid gray stones for Abnegation, soil of the earth for Amity, shredded glass for Candor, water for Erudite, and lit coals for Dauntless.

 

Josette, Elizabeth, and their parents all pause between the sections marked for Erudite and Abnegation, and the brunette grows even weaker as her father bends down to give both her and her sister a chaste kiss on her forehead, followed by a small smile.

 

"I'll see you girls soon." He says proudly, not a trace of doubt in his tone.

 

Her mother's arms slide around the brunette's waist, embracing her in a warm hug, and what little resolve Josette has left nearly vanishes in thin air as she breaths in her mother's calming scent.

 

She clenches her jaw tightly and wills the tears not to fall, opting to close her eyes and think optimistically of the moment. Caroline holds her close for what feels like hours and seconds all at the same time before she pulls back slightly and whispers in her daughter's ear, "I love you. No matter what."

 

Josette barely has time to register her mother's words before she's walking away with her father to sit with the other Abnegation parents. The brunette frowns, the sudden thought of her mother knowing her even better than she knows herself crossing her mind. The thought is forgotten as Elizabeth pulls her to sit in their assigned seats, suddenly squeezing her hand so tightly it stings, but she doesn't let go. She has to embrace this moment as they both need each other's strength for the Ceremony.

 

The thought of abandoning her parents was one thing, incredibly painful and it threatens to bring tears to her eyes. The thought of losing her sister is another, and the brunette refuses to allow herself to think of it, scared of what she might do.

 

The crowded room slowly comes in order as each parent and teenager takes their required seat, awaiting for the opening speech. Only a moment passes before all conversation ceases in an instant, and Josette's eyes flicker towards the podium to find a rather tall man with dirty blonde curled hair wearing a blue suit, a smirk on his face that seems taunting, and the girl now recognizes him.

 

Niklaus Mikaelson.

 

"Welcome, welcome all..." His voice resounds loudly in the silent room through his thick accent. The smirk on his face never falters as he places his hands in front of him charmingly. "To the annual Choosing Ceremony. The day we honor the wise system our ancestors founded years ago. The day we serve our very purpose in this world, the day we are reminded that every man and woman possesses the right to choose their own path."

 

More like one of five predetermined ways of living according to stereotypes, Josette thinks to herself as she dares herself to roll her eyes. Instead, she opts to squeeze Elizabeth's hand tighter, forcing herself to listen to the man on the podium.

 

"Our brilliant youthful dependents are now sixteen, meaning the time has come for them to choose their rightful place in our society. They will honor their ancestors as it is their purpose in this world, showing nothing but respect. Tonight, these dependents will bare in mind how important it is they choose the right faction, for the sake of us lot. Our factions provide us everything: life, love, and true purpose... I find there is not better feeling than being where you truly belong, and banishing everyone who does not agree with the way you live. Without our factions, survival is not possible. Therefore, I trust our dependents will choose wisely, bringing them to their well deserved adulthood."

 

Josette's eyes narrow at the sight of the five different bowls on the podium, the breath in her lungs thinning immensely. Where does she truly belong? She does not know. She does not know. She does not-

 

"Let us begin this remarkable occasion. And as always, remember: Faction Before Blood."

 

A round of applause sounds muffled to Josette as her mind flickers through a multitude of conflicting thoughts like a swift slideshow. Her breathing is raged, she knows, and she attempts to sit still in her seat so she won't draw attention to herself. Her knees are locked and her body is stiff. She watches as Niklaus lifts a set of cards, reading off the first names, but she can't depict one syllable from another. It's all blurred.

 

One by one, the sixteen year olds stand from their seat and walk to the podium. Josette's gaze is solid as she watches the first girl wearing a yellow dress slice a thin line through her palm, allowing the few drops of blood to drip quickly into the Amity bowl, the same faction she came from.

 

The Ceremony seems to move quickly, although the brunette is silently panicking the entire time. A new name, a new slice of their hand, new blood droplets, leading to a new choice of life.

 

"Landon Kirby." Niklaus suddenly calls out, it is only then Josette raises her head and forces herself to pay attention.

 

She watches as a boy from Amity, dressed in a yellow and red vest and sporting black curls on his head, makes his way to the front podium. Josette notices how he seems fragile, and her suspicion is confirmed when he stumbles while walking, but he throws his arms out quickly to catch himself before he collides with the floor. It makes her frown, wondering why he's obviously nervous.

 

He stands on the podium, his head glancing back and forth as he slices open his palm. A long moment passes, the silence deafening, when the boy jerks out his arm out and his blood spills upon flaming coals.

 

The boy had chosen Dauntless, making him the first to switch factions. Josette can't help the way her jaw drops as she watches him walk towards the cheering mass of black on the far side of the room.

 

Amity-born transferring to Dauntless? The brunette has never seen it before, and by the way loud whispers and murmurs of disapproval resound from Amity, she assumes the faction had never seen it before either. She knows the boy will now be seen as a traitor, it makes her bite her lip harshly.

 

"Elizabeth Saltzman."

 

Josette glances with worries eyes at her sister, watching as Elizabeth squeezes her hand one last time before she walks toward the white podium. She notices the blonde keeping her head high, and her hands are steady as she reaches for the knife. Elizabeth slices her palm slowly, the blood pooling quickly in her grasp.

 

And then, the seconds pass deliberately, and Josette watches as her sister's fist drifts into the air close to her chest, as if she's unsure. Until suddenly, she holds her hand over the Erudite bowl.

 

No.

 

No. No. No.

 

Her blood drips without hesitation into the large bowl of water, the crimson color splattering and contrasting against the clear liquid.

 

Josette freezes whilst a massive wave of clapping and loud mutters inhabit the room. Her hands begin to shake in her lap, and she can't hold back as she glares at her sister with fury as the blonde bandages her hand and walks toward the Erudite faction. All the faction members dressed classically in blue are smiling at her as they welcome her. Her sister, the most selfless person she knows, transferring to Erudite?

 

The brunette closes her eyes, picturing Elizabeth's shaking hands after the aptitude test and the confrontation they had in front of their bedroom doors just the night before. How hadn't she realized it sooner? When her sister told her she should think of herself, the blonde was also taking her own advice.

 

She can't believe it, even after everything Erudite has done to discredit Abnegation, her sister had chosen to transfer to the faction and defy her own family.

 

Her family. Josette quickly looks to the Abnegation section of seating above her. Normally so calm and reserved, she's surprised to find deep frowns and angry whispers radiating from the faction.

 

She hadn't truly noticed the room had filled with utter commotion within such a short period of time until she hears Niklaus Mikaelson's voice yell loudly, "Quiet please!"

 

The room silents immediately, and just as Josette begins to relax and distract herself with other thoughts, she hears it.

 

"Josette Saltzman."

 

A chill shutters through her spine as Josette propels herself forward with a strong force. Her eyes pin to the ground, not trusting she won't trip, and she watches as her boots barely peaking out from beneath her gray robe as she walks to the podium.

 

Halfway to the five bowls, she finds Niklaus Mikaelson peering at her every move, and it's clear in her mind.

 

She's certain she will choose Abnegation, she can see herself growing into a woman in her gray robes, marrying another Abnegation member and raising a family, volunteering around the city like her mother does. The peace of the consistent routine, the quiet nights she'll spend in front of the fireplace alongside her significant other and their children, the certainty that she will always be safe.

 

The ringing in her ears grows louder as she glances once again to her sister. Elizabeth stares back at her with an empty expression from the Erudite section, until the blonde sends her a small nod, as if she knows what the brunette is thinking.

 

If Elizabeth, her sister who she thought was the perfect selfless ideal, wasn't fit for Abnegation after all, how could Josette be?

 

The thought pounds against her head, the pain causing her eyes to squint. But what choice does she truly have, as she's now the only one who could possibly remain with her parents?

 

Josette sets her jaw, taking a deep breath. She has to choose Abnegation, for her family's sake. It's her only option.

 

Niklaus offers her the knife and she grasps it tightly with a nod. Josette looks into the man's eyes, observing the dark blue-green color and how it compliments his smirking lips.

 

She peers down, her eyes skimming each bowl, specifically the gray Abnegation stones, and the coal topped with fire in the bowl of Dauntless. She holds the knife against her palm, and she grits her teeth as she softly jerks the sharp blade against her flesh. It stings more than she appreciates, but it's the least of her concerns.

 

Selflessness.

 

Can the brunette truly commit to the promise of the Abnegation faction for the rest of her life? She wishes the future seemed perfect, but it just doesn't.

 

A shaken breath escapes her lips as she thrusts her arm out quickly between the two specific bowls, watching as the first droplet falls upon the white podium, before her choice is then made.

 

Josette feels the weight of a thousand bricks lift from her shoulders, relief feeling overwhelmingly euphoric as the blood from her palm drips down quickly and sizzles into the black rock of the flaming coals.

 

Gasps, clapping, and the loudest cheering all bind together in the background, and Josette feels confident in the fact of knowing she is brave.

Chapter 3

Notes:

i appreciate all the love this fic is getting so far, definitely helps me feel motivated to update as much as possible. btw from this point on, since hope finally comes in, there will be pov's from her as well as josie.

let me know your thoughts on the chapter <3

The Choosing Ceremony comes to end rather quickly after her decision, and Josette finds herself standing in the sea of Dauntless members and other initiates.

 

Her gaze is trained to the ground whilst all the factions around her prepare to leave the building since the ceremony is now over. Dauntless exits first, and soon enough, she's following her new faction towards the staircase exit. They pass by the Abnegation section, causing Josette's eyes to cling to the people dressed in gray in search for her parents.

 

She's terrified to see their faces, but she just has to see them. At least one more time.

 

When her eyes finally land on her parents, she immediately regrets ever looking up from the ground. Alaric's expression radiates pain, his eyes burning into his daughter's with accusation, seeking answers of her betrayal.

 

Josette forces herself to look away in an effort to avoid tears, although she feels the wet trails will find a way to escape eventually no matter her refusal. When her eyes flicker slightly towards her mother, she's taken back by what she sees.

 

Caroline is smiling. It seems genuine, like she's proud. There's not a trace of faux emotion or sadness at all, and it causes the brunette to grow incredibly confused.

 

She doesn't have much time to ponder before people in black surrounding her are coaxing her forward, and she's forced to oblige. Then, once most of the faction reaches the staircase, they begin to run.

 

It doesn't surprise Josette, in fact, she studies them curiously as she lifts her gray robe from the ground so she doesn't trip before increasing her pace to a slight jog. Shouting and laughter fills the air as the wild faction descends the staircase, bursting through the exit doors and welcoming the outside.

 

The air is crisp and quite chilly as the sun begins to set in the sky, but it doesn't bother any member of Dauntless it seems. The joyous cries and laughter never cease, while some members even opt to preform hurtles and front-flips through the air, their stamina immortal. They seem to be heading in the direction of the train tracks.

 

"What the hell is happening?" A boy next to her shouts.

 

Josette glances towards him, recognizing him instantly. The surprising Amity transfer, she remembers his name being Landon Kirby.

 

She shakes her head, but continues to run beside him. The boy seems nice enough, and she could use the company to ease the slight nerves in her chest. She finds herself breathless, her lungs burning and the muscles of her legs aching, when she hears the familiar sound of the train horn.

 

"Please don't tell me they expect us to hop on that thing." Landon says in a panicked voice.

 

Josette had already known she would have to hurl herself on the train along with the rest of Dauntless in order to get to the headquarters. All the times she spent gazing through the windows at school, watching the wild faction emerge from the moving carts, briefly flashes through her head. It makes her nervous, but there's no other way around it.

 

"We have to," Josette sighs, giving the boy an encouraging smile. "come on!"

 

The crowd of Dauntless member and initiates all spread out evenly in a long line along the tracks, and she watches as the train glides as fast as lighting on the tracks, the lights flashing and the horn blaring, and coming straight towards them. The Dauntless members all jump with a fierce pounce, making it onto the train within seconds, leaving all the initiates to tend to themselves.

 

Josette runs in the line of all the other initiates, watching as a few of them throw themselves sideways and grab hold of the entrance to one of the many carts before managing to messily jump inside. When she leaps up, surprisingly succeeding in grabbing the cart's doorway with a strong grip, she finds she's not as strong as she thought.

 

Her shoulder slams painfully against the side of the train, and her body threatens to give in to the ferocious wind whirling around her, demanding she falls off and plummets to the ground.

 

Her chest rises and falls with dreadful breaths, and just when she thinks the wind will succeed in pushing her off the side of the train, a former Candor girl desperately grabs hold of her arm and pulls her inside the cart.

 

Josette offers a grateful smile. "Thank you." It comes out sounding rough and quiet as she's completely out of breath, even through the foreign sense of adrenaline coursing through her veins.

 

"You okay?" The girl dressed in white asks her, seeming genuinely worried. She's only a bit shorter than Josette, with olive tinted skin and black shoulder-length curls. She's pretty, that much is obvious.

 

Josette only sends a nod in return, too busy appreciating the feeling of resting on the floor of the train.

 

The girl in white sends her a smile. "I'm Penelope."

 

"Josette." The brunette replies, surprised that the opposite girl had introduced herself, but certainly not unappreciative. Again, the company is useful.

 

"Do you have any idea where we're heading?" Penelope asks, her voice loud to contrast against the fierce wind. The train is going down the tracks faster than it had when the initiates jumped on.

 

"Dauntless headquarters, I think. I don't know where that is, though." Josette shrugs.

 

"I don't think anyone does." Penelope shakes her head before giggling slightly. "Honestly, I think they're trying to kill us. Or at least scare the hell out of us, which is definitely working."

 

Josette can't help but laugh. She then glances out of one of the many entrances to the train as it picks up even more in speed, and her eyes flicker absentmindedly towards the faint sight of the familiar, gray Abnegation houses that she used to call home.

 

She remembers it being Elizabeth's turn to make dinner that night, and her chest grows tight as she pictures her mother and father's faces. What will they be doing by themselves from now on? How soon will they clean out her and her sister's rooms?

 

How are they coping, knowing the fact that both her and her sister had abandoned them so quickly?

 

"They're fucking jumping!"

 

Josette perks up at the sudden and loud exclamation of Penelope, her neck aching slightly as her head snaps up. She doesn't know how long she's been zoned out for, thinking of her family, but she figures it must have been awhile, as some of the initiates are blinking sleep out of their eyes. The train seems to have slowed down a bit too, and the brunette glares out of the entrance.

 

The Dauntless in the further carts ahead are leaping out of the train and onto an adjacent rooftop of a building that is, in fact, ten stories high.

 

The idea of having no choice, unless she wants to be Factionless, but to leap out of a moving train and onto the rooftop, knowing there is a decent gap between the end of the roof and the train tracks, makes Josette's throat tighten and her stomach twist in knots.

 

Penelope suddenly grabs her hand, helping the brunette up to stand so that she doesn't stumble from the quickly moving train. Josette appreciates how kind the other girl is being, it's not something she's used to, especially from the other factions.

 

"We have to jump too, then." A girl from Erudite says with sass. She has darkly tanned skin with tight black curls pulled in a ponytail upon her head.

 

"Right," A boy from Erudite replies in annoyance, raking a hand through his dark hair. "that makes sense, Maya. Just leap off the train to the likelihood of inevitable death."

 

"Jed, would you grow a pair already? This is what we have to do. If you want to end up Factionless, be my guest. I'm jumping with or without you." The girl snaps back at the boy, and Josette finds herself intimidated.

 

"Well, I'm not doing it." A familiar voice sounds close, and Josette turns to see the Amity boy, Landon, shaking his head and clenching his fists to his sides.

 

"You have to, dude." Penelope says lightly, patting his back. "Come on, you don't want to be Factionless, do you?

 

Landon seems to calm down slightly from the comfort, but Josette can still see his hands shaking and the rising and falling of his chest as he breathes quickly.

 

Penelope turns to her then with furrowed brows, offering her hand. The brunette complies and watches as the other girl interlocks their fingers tightly. "Sorry, I just... can't find the courage without a little help."

 

Josette nods with a soft smile, about to follow Penelope to the edge of the train cart's entrance until she turns around, glancing back to a nervous and doubtful Landon. She reaches for one of his shaking hands, gripping it tightly and tugging him towards her. He flinches in surprise at the sudden and close proximity, but reciprocates the grasping of their hands.

 

"Come on." Josette says encouragingly. "I'm not gonna let you fail."

 

Penelope looks to the brunette, biting her lip in anticipation. The train cart is right in front of the rooftop, and she knows it's now or never. The girl in white breaths deeply before tightening her jaw. "One... two... three!"

 

It's a leap of faith, really. Josette's obviously never once had the opportunity of jumping from a moving train onto a high-scale building, and she doesn't know what to expect to happen next as her stomach flutters with butterflies, the wind bitterly cold as she hurls through the air holding Penelope and Landon's hands.

 

It's a weightless moment, an adrenaline rush, when suddenly her feet slam into the solid gravel scattered across the concrete rooftop. Pain bites at every section of her body as she skids across the gravel, her knees and shins specifically.

 

The landing isn't pretty or swift in the slightest as she knows at some point in the jump she lost her grip on Penelope and Landon. She can feel the flesh of her hands and knees tearing vigorously against the sharp gravel when she slides against it, sprawling and surely drawing a little blood.

 

Josette finds the pain from her landing doesn't matter or really cross her mind for more than a mere second, because happiness radiates from her chest instead. It sends the brightest grin on her face, because she actually made it.

 

She peers at her surroundings quickly when she raises her head from the ground in search for her jumping-mates. Landon is perched on his knees with a grateful expression on his face, looking straight at the brunette, although he has a small gash on his forehead. Penelope is doubled over in joyous laughter, and she catches Josette's gaze.

 

"Okay, that was pretty damn fun." She says, smirking. It seems that Penelope won't have any trouble fitting in with the Dauntless thrill-seekers.

 

Josette's eyes flicker around the entirety of the rooftop, finding that all the initiates seemed to make it on the roof, some more injured than others.

 

While a few are already recovered and standing, only brushing off their clothing, she finds the Erudite girl from the train, Maya, holding her ankle and wincing on the ground. Beside her is the Erudite boy, Jed, smirking cockily with his arms crossed. He must have landed on his feet.

 

She sees Landon walking towards her with a small smile, his hands fidgeting slightly. "I just wanted to say thank you... for helping me. Not sure I would've actually jumped if it hadn't of been for you."

 

The boy seems genuinely thankful, the light in his eyes speaking for itself, and it makes Josette feel a bit proud of herself, knowing she made a difference in someone's life already.

 

She easily reciprocates the brightness of his smile before replying, "Of course. I honestly don't know if I would've jumped either, if it wasn't for Penelope, or you."

 

Landon's gaze shifts to the brunette's arm suddenly, and his smile quickly turns into a frown. "You're bleeding, are you alright?"

 

Josette only then looks down to where he's gesturing, finding her elbow stings slightly, and the fabric of her gray robe is now tinted red in the specific area. She peels her robe from her shoulder and down her arm to examine it, seeing the skin is torn in a few different areas, the blood fresh.

 

"Oh look, the Stiff's stripping. A little scandalous, don't you think?"

 

At the derogatory term commonly used to refer to only the Abnegation faction, Josette's head perks up and she can't stop herself from scoffing. Jed is pointing at her and smirking, while beside him, Maya cackles with raised brows. Despite her annoyance, she blushes and quickly pulls her robe back up her arm and over her shoulder.

 

"Just ignore those lowlife assholes." Penelope suddenly comes up from behind her, sending her a small smile.

 

Penelope grabs both Josette and Landon's hand before pulling them towards where the rest of the initiates are grouping up around the far edge of the rooftop, in front of two tall men dressed in all black.

 

"Alright, listen up! I'm Eric, and this right here is Marcel, the leaders of your new faction!" One of the men shout, who Josette now knows is Eric. His black clothing is tight against his muscular build, and she notices along with his blonde slicked hair, that he has a nose ring pierced through his septum, and detailed ink along his neck.

 

Eric stands tall on the edge of the building as if it's a sidewalk, and he couldn't easily fall to his death if he were to take a single step backwards.

 

"Several stories behind me, is the initiates entrance to the Dauntless compound. Now, if you can't find it in your fragile little hearts to jump off this ledge and down through the entrance, then I can guarantee you that you do not belong here."

 

"You want us to jump off the ledge?" Maya asks dumbfounded, and Josette fights the urge to laugh. She doesn't understand how it shocks her.

 

"Yes." Marcel replies, holding an amused smirk on his face.

 

"Is there water at the bottom or something?"

 

"Guess you'll find out. Unless you want to be Factionless, of course." Eric replies, his face emotionless and solid as stone.

 

The crowd of initiates are all silent and still, not a single teenager seeming eager to jump down several stories as their eyes are mostly glued towards the ground or the sky.

 

Josette doesn't know what comes over her, but when her body forces her to walk forward, she catches the sight of both Landon and Penelope gawking at her, but they have proud smiles on their faces. It gives her motivation as she continues to walk, even through the snickering that erupts from the rest of the initiates.

 

Marcel and Eric step aside from the ledge as the brunette reaches it, their expressions actually a little surprised.

 

Josette glances down past the building and sees a wide hole shattered through the cement, too dark to see anything resembling the bottom. Her palms grow slick and her throat tightens at the sight, but she takes a deep breath.

 

She knows what this is - it's simply a scare tactic, and she knows she'll land safely at the bottom.

 

The thought is what drives her to step onto the ledge of the building before slipping off her long robe, leaving her only in a gray t-shirt that outlines her chest, and matching pants. Josette quickly balls up the robe in her grasp as she looks over her shoulder, her eyes flickering towards Jed.

 

Admittedly, the Erudite transfer has done nothing thus far but piss the brunette off, so she launches the ball of fabric as hard as she can, and feels satisfied when it hits him in the chest.

 

Jed frowns down at the impact of the robe before glaring harshly at the brunette. She can hear catcalling and voices emerging from behind her, and she instantly recognizes Penelope's laughter among the voices.

 

Josette turns and glances down towards the hole far beneath her, feeling goosebumps scatter across her arms and her stomach building with nerves. She knows she can't back down, not with every initiate behind her obviously doubting her, along with the fact she needs to impress the leaders.

 

She takes a deep breath, and forces herself not to think as she bends her knees and jumps from the ledge.

 

The wind bites at her skin and howls in her ears as the ground expands below her, the butterflies from the falling sensation in her stomach now reaching for her throat. Her muscles are tense and her heart still pounds when the darkness lights up when she hits something hard. The surface sways beneath her and cradles her body, the sudden impact knocking the breath from her lungs.

 

A net. Although her heart still pounds and her body still stings, Josette covers her face with her hands and laughs softly, a blush heating her cheeks. She's as hysterical as she is relieved.

 

Movement catches in her peripheral vision, seeing a pair of hands beginning to pull on the edge of the net.

 

Josette shifts her body so she can grab one of the hands, pulling her body across the surface and rolling off. Her eyes widen when she thinks she'll definitely fall onto the ground, but then she's caught gently by her waist, the same pair of hands helping her secure balance.

 

Glancing towards the owner of the hands, Josette swallows roughly at the sight of her. A girl, only slightly shorter than her, with auburn-tinted hair and eyes as blue as the sky beneath long lashes.

 

She's wearing a tight black jacket that reveals her collarbones and most of her chest, accompanied with her black pants and boots. Her hair is pulled back into a high ponytail, and the brunette then notices the slight smirk of her lips.

 

Josette feels the girl's hands leave her waist, and she almost misses the warm feeling. It's then she remembers exactly where she is, and how the girl had caught her from falling, so she opens her mouth to speak but stops herself when the other girl speaks first.

 

"You get pushed or something?"

 

Josette's brows tighten as she feels slightly offended.

 

"No." She bites out harsher than intended, but it doesn't seem to phase the other girl.

 

"Well, I'll be damned." A feminine voice calls out from behind the brunette. She turns to find a girl with blonde hair and a silver nose ring, wearing relatively the same black outfit as the girl that had caught her, walking towards the two of them. "A Stiff the first to jump? I don't think that's ever happened."

 

"There's a reason she left, Jade." The girl with auburn hair says, her voice sporting a slight husk. "What's your name, newbie?"

 

"It's, um..." Josette hesitates for an unknown reason. She finds her full name just doesn't feel right as it lies upon her tongue.

 

"Think about it." She says softly. "But make it good, you won't be able to pick again."

 

"Josie." The brunette decides with a sense of confidence.

 

"Josie." Jade repeats with a smirk, her blonde hair bouncing slightly as she nods. "I like it. Make the announcement, Hope."

 

The girl - Hope - peers over her shoulder towards the rest of the cavern, other members of the faction around. "First jumper, Josie!"

 

The crowd around the cavern cheer and pump their fists in the air, and Josie feels euphoric, a small smile taking over. She's beyond relieved she'd been the first to jump from the building.

 

At that moment, another person descends in a flash from the sky and smacks against the net, girlish screams sounding through the air. Josie instantly recognizes the jumper as Penelope, and she can't help but laugh along with the crowd of Dauntless members at the sight.

 

Josie glances down to find Hope's hand grasping hers. Her eyes flicker up to find soft blue ones looking into her own, and a faint smirk lies upon the girls lips.

 

"Welcome to Dauntless."

Chapter 4

Notes:

i planned to update this so much sooner but my junior year ends in like two weeks so the rapid assignments have been total hell. sorry about that. here it is tho, enjoyyy

It doesn't take more than a quick fifteen minutes before all of the initiates have jumped from the high building and landed with loud screams against the net.

 

Josie stands between Penelope and Landon among the rest of the transfer and Dauntless-born initiates, watching as Hope and Jade chat briefly to themselves. Only a moment passes before the two girls dressed in black come sauntering towards the group, their chests held high.

 

"Alright, this is where we divide. All Dauntless-born initiates are with me," Jade says, then she smirks. "I assume you won't be needing a tour of the place."

 

Jade beckons towards all the Dauntless-born initiates before she turns in the direction of a far hallway, causing them to break away from the large group and dissolve into the shadows.

 

Josie glances around to notice only nine initiates remain standing, herself included. She's the only Abnegation transfer among them, as most transferred from Erudite. The brunette perks her head up intently when Hope speaks raucously.

 

"I usually work in the control room for mental intelligence, but during your training for the next few weeks, I'll be your instructor." She says, her eyes scanning over the group carefully with a polite nod. "My name is Hope."

 

"A pretty thing like you, our instructor?" Jed's voice sounds from among the group, and Josie doesn't bother to stop her eyes from rolling. She hears Penelope scoff loudly from beside her.

 

Josie watches closely as any positive essence of Hope's facial expression practically vanishes at the boy's remark, and the girl walks up to Jed slowly, her eyes narrowed and her jaw locked tight. The two of them are in such close proximity, with Jed smirking down at her and Hope glancing up at him with an oddly calm look on her face.

 

"What's your name?" She asks with a tilt of her head, her tone quite husky.

 

"Jed."

 

Hope suddenly snatches the tie wrapped around the boy's neck, and she tugs so tightly, his height matches hers in an instant. She glares at him fiercely as he makes rugged choking sounds, his eyes wide.

 

"Okay, Jed." Hope purrs, tightening her grip on the tie. All Josie can do is stare in amazement at the other girl, her jaw dropped. "The first lesson you'll learn from me is saving your smart-ass and sexist remarks, and keeping your mouth shut. Understand?"

 

Hope releases the tie from her grip with a jerk of her arm, stepping backwards as Jed falls to the floor, coughing and sputtering. She doesn't bother to turn towards the group of initiates before walking off in the opposite direction towards a hallway. "Follow me, we're heading to The Pit."

 

Josie follows along with the rest of the group, soon walking through the hallway. It's quite dark, only a few torches aligning the walls.

 

"So, she seems like someone you never want to fuck with." Penelope's hushed tone of voice catches the attention of the brunette.

 

"Well, she's definitely intimidating." Josie nods, raising her brows. The idea of how quickly Hope can shift between being calm and choking a guy at least a foot taller than her with his own tie manages to leave the brunette feeling on edge. She realizes it'd probably be wise to be careful around the auburn-haired girl.

 

Hope pushes open a set of double-doors, causing instant light to flood into the dark hallway, and she leads the group into an incredibly large cavern that Josie remembers the girl mentioning is 'The Pit'. The name is frankly perfect and definitely speaks for itself. Uneven rock ascends several stories towards the sky, and as the sun shines through, the brunette assumes glass aligns the top of the cavern to form a roof. Platforms seep from the walls, with no barriers on the edges to prevent someone from falling.

 

"So, this is The Pit, the center of life here at Dauntless." Hope says, gesturing with outstretched arms to the entire cavern. "If you follow me this way, I'll show you the chasm."

 

Josie watches as the girl now leads the group to the left side of cavern towards a dark entrance. The brunette studies the back of Hope's figure, and it's then she notices, beyond her ponytail, black ink on the back of her neck, barely peeking out from beneath the collar of her jacket. She wonders briefly of what the girl's tattoo is.

 

Hope gestures for the group to stop walking as they stand on a long metal bridge, accompanied with a railing. Roaring of water can be heard, as there's a waterfall ascending down from one side of the cavern. It flows at a quick pace towards the bottom of the cavern, gushing and crashing against numerous patches of uneven rock on the walls.

 

"The chasm is a constant reminder that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" Hope shouts over the thunderous flowing of the waterfall. "Any 'daredevil' stunt you try to pull from this ledge will end your life," She snaps her fingers together. "just like that. It's happened before, and I highly doubt it won't happen again, so don't be stupid trying to boost your worthless ego."

 

They start walking again, across the bridge over the chasm and in the direction of another, surprisingly lit up, hallway. It leads into a rather large yet plain looking room, beds spread out evenly among one of the walls. Lanterns are hung in a few places from the ceiling, and in the middle of the room sits a white table, black outfits in neat piles spread across.

 

"Welcome to your bedroom." Hope smirks, although her voice comes out monotone, outmatched to her expression. "This is where you'll be sleeping for the next few weeks during your training, and before you ask, yes... both boys and girls."

 

A few groans erupt from some of the initiates, and Josie watches as Hope doesn't say another word before quickly walking towards the exit of the room, back to the direction of the chasm. The auburn-haired girl stops walking briefly, glancing over her shoulder, and surprisingly meets Josie's stare. The brunette quickly finds the eye contact is oddly exhilarating as it sends a shiver down her spine.

 

"Get dressed, then come to The Pit's cafeteria. Take any longer than five minutes, and you all run laps."

 

***

 

The dining hall of The Pit is a chaotic, but still welcoming and comfortable atmosphere. Several gray tables fill out the floor evenly with masses of Dauntless members sitting at each one of them. The glass ceiling allows the sun to shine through, alongside bright orange lights scattered decoratively on the cement walls. All of the Dauntless members talk and laugh loudly whilst they eat, their voices echoing throughout the large room.

 

Josie, now wearing the faction's initiate uniform of a tight black t-shirt and matching pants, walks between Penelope and Landon as the trio follows the rest of the group into the dining hall. While most of the seats seem to be taken, the brunette catches a familiar sight of auburn hair, finding the girl's table to have a decently open space.

 

"Look, over there." She pulls on Penelope and Landon's uniform shirts, nodding her head towards the nearby table. Arriving swiftly, Josie dares to sit beside Hope, leaving a large gap between them. Blue eyes only flicker up to the brunette for a few seconds, before they shift back down to the table just as quickly.

 

Penelope sits on the opposite side of her, with Landon across from them beside an unfamiliar boy. Josie's eyes glance towards the table, overlooking the trays of food lined up tightly. It's a mixture of food groups, some meat and some fruits and vegetables. She decides on stabbing her fork through a small piece of steak and bringing it to her plate, figuring she should add more protein to her bones if she wants to increase her strength.

 

"Wow, Josie." Penelope snickers from beside her and nudges her slightly with her elbow, gripping an apple in one hand. "I'm surprised you even recognize that."

 

"Why wouldn't she recognize it?" Landon asks curiously, his brows furrowed. It's at that moment the unfamiliar boy from beside him speaks up, a smirk on his face.

 

"Abnegation eat plain food only." The boy says, lightly shrugging. "Typically a plant-based diet with minimal seasoning, if any." Josie can't help the raising of her brows, surprised the boy knows about the dieting habits of her old faction.

 

"Seems like somebody just knows everything." Penelope says sarcastically, her eyes narrowed at the unnamed boy. Her gaze then shifts to the brunette, a sad smile upon her lips. "No wonder you left."

 

"Right, Penelope. I just couldn't handle the 'oh, so terrible' eating habits and that's the only reason I transferred." Josie mumbles, the sarcasm that had just aimlessly spilled from her tongue making her widen her eyes slightly. She had never been allowed to dare speak out of tone at her old faction, and she wonders why it had come so easily just now, with not a second of hesitation.

 

The brunette hears the sound of nearby choked laughter. Her head instinctively snaps towards Hope, finding the girl's lips to be pursed in a thin line, the ghost of a smile present. She ponders if it had been her sarcastic remark that made the auburn-haired girl laugh.

 

"This 'somebody' has a name, you know." The boy abruptly speaks again, chuckling and shaking his head slightly. "I'm MG, Erudite transfer."

 

"Oh, great." Penelope groans, her shoulders slouching. "You really are a know-it-all. Literally, by definition, you can't argue with that."

 

MG smirks, his brows raised tauntingly. "Let me guess... Candor transfer, right?" He glances to the side before gripping Landon's shoulder in comfort. "I suggest you build up some strong self-confidence if you're gonna be friends with this one."

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Penelope gasps with faux offence.

 

"You have no filter!" MG exclaims as if it's obvious. "You're so brutally honest, you say the first thing that comes to your head without a second thought."

 

"Oh, I get it." Penelope smirks. "You mean like, you're a dumbass?"

 

The banter between them is the complete opposite of hostile as Josie can't help but giggle at the two, even Landon through his usually shy state can't control his laughter. The friendly exchange of teasing comes to an end too quickly as a newfound presence then enters the dining hall, a momentary spike of silence falling among all of the Dauntless members.

 

In the middle of the dining hall now stands Eric and Marcel, who Josie remembers to be the men from the rooftop and two of the Dauntless leaders. They're both glancing around occasionally, talking between themselves. Only a moment passes before Eric breaks off from the conversation and saunters towards the brunette's table, his arms crossed and his eyes cold.

 

Eric plops in the empty seat beside Hope with a small grunt, not offering a greeting. His eyes shift to the auburn-haired girl, scanning over her figure with a hint of something Josie can't seem to depict, but she knows in her gut that it's more than unsettling. Almost like he's the vile predator, and she's the meek prey.

 

A defensive threat builds itself up deep within her throat, just begging to be screamed out, but she conceals it for obvious reasons. While Josie's more than certain that Hope can easily defend herself, it's not like she even knows the girl well enough to be standing up for her in this sort of faction's environment. Besides, she knows she'd never get away with defying a leader. Even though Eric looks incredibly young to be a leader, the brunette knows she still wouldn't stand a chance.

 

Hope never once looks up to the man beside her, opting to keep her gaze glued to the table and her fists clenched tight in her lap. Oddly enough, her shoulders are hunched tightly, and she appears severely tense.

 

"You gonna introduce me to your new buddies?" Eric asks with a smirk, nudging Hope with his shoulder against hers.

 

Josie furrows her brows at the way Hope jerks slightly at the contact from the blonde leader, and if the brunette wasn't paying close attention, she wouldn't be able to notice the way the other girl's breathing begins to silently accelerate. But, she does, and she finds it doesn't make any sense.

 

A long moment of pure silence passes, with Hope never once replying to the leader beside her.

 

"Alright, I see how it is." Eric chuckles wickedly, shaking his head at the girl. He taps his knuckles against the table a few times, and Josie can see a few scattered scabs and bruises that align his hand.

 

Certainly the two of them aren't friends. From Hope's quick breathing, tense muscles, and resistance of making eye contact with Eric, that fact is proven wrong without a single doubt. Are they rivals? It seems to add up in Josie's mind, but there's something about the way Eric stares with lustful eyes at the auburn-haired girl that rubs her the wrong way. As much as she wants to, she just can't look away from the two of them, as if it's instinctive.

 

"You know," Eric cocks a brow, his eyes still glaring directly at the shorter girl beside him. "Marcel thinks you've been avoiding him. He keeps asking you to meet up, and you just keep ghosting him for some reason. I think he may want to talk about you joining the leadersh-"

 

"I'm perfectly fine with the position I'm in now, just as I was the first two times he asked me and I declined. Now, if you will, kindly fuck off." Hope surprisingly speaks with a sharp bark in her tone, her gaze as cold as ice staring directly through Eric.

 

Eric's smirk falls from his face, and he simply stares back at the auburn-haired girl for a long moment. Finally, he shortly nods before saying, "Well... I'll pass on the message."

 

When Eric stands from the table and quickly storms off, Hope breaths out a soft sigh, her shoulders instantly slouching in relaxation. The brunette studies her before a sudden act of boldness pushes her to talk.

 

"Are you... friends with him?" Josie knows the answer is a definite no way in hell, but she still asks. The tense cloud in the air is too much to take any longer.

 

Hope glances toward her for a brief second, and her ponytail bounces slightly as she shakes her head. "He was in the year above me when I was an initiate, he led the fighting classes sometimes. He transferred from Erudite, must be why he's such a know-it-all jackass."

 

Any thought of being careful and reserved around the girl leaves Josie's head as she can't help but ask another question, finding herself enjoying the sound of Hope's voice more than she'd ever admit out loud.

 

"Were you a transfer too?"

 

Hope rolls her eyes, huffing slightly as she turns and glares at the brunette coldly. The question seems to have triggered something, and Josie suddenly wishes she kept her mouth shut. "What's with the Stiff asking so many questions? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you transferred from Candor."

 

Josie doesn't know where exactly the confidence comes from, but rather than cowering under the callous gaze of the auburn-haired girl, she doesn't back down.

 

"Sorry," She begins, her tone anything but apologetic. "I forgot I'm just a Stiff with no obligation to anything. It must be because you're so approachable. You know, like a bed of nails."

 

Hope stares blankly at her, her expression emotionless. Josie doesn't look away, figuring it's useless when she's already made her bed: she might as well sleep in it. Though, she finds the tension is just as thick from when Eric was at the table. It feels suffocating, and despite herself, heat rushes to her cheeks. She hadn't meant to upset the other girl, she just couldn't help the hurt in her chest when the Abnegation slur left Hope's lips.

 

"Careful." Hope bites out in a whisper before rising from the table and storming out of the dining hall.

 

This time, she doesn't glance back to Josie.

 

The brunette can feel the disappointment ache across every inch of her body, and she sighs quietly as she turns back to face her group of friends, or at least she thinks they are. Her eyes pin to the table, the only thought on her mind is one that occurs of distant blue eyes. It's only when Penelope's voice sounds beside her that she glances up.

 

"Dude, I told you not to fuck with her."

 

***

 

Josie blinks the sleep out of her eyes as she adjusts the black t-shirt against her body, walking closely alongside Landon as the entire group of initiates saunter into The Pit.

 

It's the next day, her first official day in Dauntless. The thought alights something positive and determined within her chest, even if it's dawn and the sun hadn't even finished rising and only five minutes ago was when she was awoken by the excruciating noise of a metal tray banging against rock-hard cement, and Hope's voice yelling, "Everyone in The Pit. Five minutes and not any more than that, unless you want to run laps."

 

In the middle of The Pit stands a few Dauntless members, and Josie recognizes Hope and Jade as they talk quietly between themselves. Hope wears a black long sleeve that accentuates her chest, and her hair is down, framing her face. The brunette seems to fall in awe at the sight.

 

Eric then emerges from one of the shadows and sits in a stray seat, leaning back with his arms crossed and his jaw locked tight.

 

As the group settles in the middle of the room to await instruction, Hope breaks off from her previous conversation and moves to stand in front of the group. Her gaze scans over the initiates, and Josie tries to ignore the way her heart skips a beat when Hope's eyes land on her. It's only for a second, and soon enough, the moment is gone just as quickly as it began. The brunette swallows roughly when Eric speaks from his seated position.

 

"I'm sure you guys remember me, as I am one of your leaders, but if you don't, my name is Eric. As you do know, Hope will be your instructor, but because we take initiate training very seriously in Dauntless, I will be watching you guys from afar."

 

The thought of being watched by any Dauntless leader is enough to make Josie nauseous, but the fact that it will be Eric, makes the feeling even worse as it settles in the deepest part of her torso. She tries her best to ignore it, and perks up when Hope speaks.

 

"Eric's right. Dauntless takes training very seriously, so much so that it is divided into two separate sections, each one being just as important." Hope explains as she walks around the group of initiates, her eyes flickering every so often to each one of them and her boots creating an echo as they make contact with the cement ground.

 

"The first is physical, lasting five weeks. You'll be pushing your bodies to the breaking point in an attempt to hopefully master the methods of combat. It regards really anything you can think of... like gun shooting, knife throwing, and you'll even be fighting each other. All in fair play, obviously."

 

Hope continues to explain, her arms crossing in front of her as she stops walking. Again, her blue eyes flicker towards Josie before they leave just as quickly. It leaves her feeling conflicted, but she listens to the older girl intently. "The second stage is mental, lasting another five weeks. You'll be in simulations and we'll be seeing inside your mind as you face your worst fears. Most people have about seven to ten fears, but everyone's different. The goal is to conquer your fears-"

 

"Unless they get you first." Eric's voice interrupts the auburn-haired girl with a devious smirk.

 

Hope rolls her eyes as her back faces the blonde leader. She threads a hand through her long auburn locks, flicking her bangs out of her face before speaking again. "Right. You'll be trained separately from the Dauntless-born members but you'll be ranked together, just for comparison. At the end of training, your rankings will determine what jobs you serve out in the city. Like leadership, or guarding the fence, or-"

 

"Actually, your rankings serve two purposes." Eric stands from his chair as his voice overlaps Hope's, interrupting the girl for the second time. "Like Hope said, it determines your job out in the city, but it also determines who gets cut."

 

Penelope speaks up at that, her eyes wide as she glances to Josie briefly. "Cut? What the hell does that mean?"

 

"It means," Eric barks out, his eyes narrowed although his smirk never falters. "at the end of each stage of training, the lowest ranking initiates will be cut from Dauntless. As in... leaving, and there's obviously no going home to your families, so you'd live Factionless."

 

Pain stabs in the roots of Josie's stomach, feeling her knees weaken at the sight of Eric's awful smirk. She should have known that there would be a catch, especially when it comes to the blonde-haired leader. From the corner of her eye, she can see Penelope with wide eyes, and Landon with an agape mouth.

 

For a second, there is doubt. It consumes her and begins to eat every inch of her being alive, and she feels herself giving in to it. She's an Abnegation transfer, her odds here are obviously slim compared to the rest of the initiates. The doubt is deafening, but that's when she notices Hope staring at her with an unreadable expression. It's like a reminder, and it causes Josie to straighten her stance and paint over the doubt with confidence. She won't give in to it, she refuses to allow herself to fail.

 

"That's not fair!" A harsh feminine voice speaks up, and Josie recognizes it as Maya. "Why didn't we know that?"

 

"Does it matter?" Eric snaps, his jaw tightening as his smirk finally ceases. "Would you have chosen differently, just out of fear? If that's your argument, you might as well book it to the streets now. If you're really Dauntless, it won't matter to you that you might fail. If it does, you are the worst kind of coward."

 

Josie watches as he comes closer to the group, his steps echoing loudly throughout The Pit as he stomps, and each word sounding thunderous as it leaves his mouth. He stops and glares directly at the brunette, and she shudders when his smirk appears once again.

 

"You chose us, now we get to choose you."

Chapter 5

All of the initiates stand in a line upon the rooftop, awaiting to begin the first training session of the day. Josie stands between Landon and Penelope in silence, watching as Hope sets two black duffel bags down in the gravel beside her feet, bending down and rummaging through the contents.

 

After the training initiation speeches in The Pit, Hope had led everyone outside and into an unfamiliar building, only consisting of a dark corridor and a staircase leading upwards, at least fifteen stories high. The climb was quite tedious, and it made the brunette's legs ache more than she'd like, but soon enough it led to the very same rooftop she had volunteered to be the first to jump from.

 

The breeze outside is slightly chilling, nipping at Josie's bare arms that aren't covered by the black t-shirt she wears. She tries not to stare at the goosebumps forming along her tan skin, and instead glances around to study the large bullseye targets posted along one of the barriers of the rooftop. Her attention shifts elsewhere when Hope suddenly stands from the ground, holding a fair-sized rifle in one hand and one of the black duffel bags in the other.

 

"For your first training session today, you'll be learning how to shoot a gun. Shooting and fighting skills are the most valuable Dauntless traits, so we'll be spending a lot of time on both until each of you perfect them to the best of your ability."

 

Hope walks down the line of the initiates, reaching into the duffel bag and thrusting a gun into the hands of each member. Josie takes the rifle with hesitance, the cold metal foreign against her fingertips.

 

She feels her shoulders slouch in disappointment when the auburn-haired girl doesn't spare her a single glance, only continues to walk.

 

Josie is well aware she has no right to feel anything when it comes to Hope. There's just always a reason in the back of her mind when her eyes betray her and seemingly chase the older girl at every possible opportunity. She doesn't know what the heavy and warm feeling in her chest means either, only occurring when Hope corrupts her vision. They've barely spoken to each other at all, the only real conversation being the bitter exchange of remarks from yesterday's moment in the dining hall, and yet the brunette still feels herself drawn to the girl for such an unknown reason.

 

It's beginning to drive her insane.

 

"As you already know, your initiation training is divided into separate sections by the intention of preparing you for the responsibilities and way of life as a Dauntless soldier, each in a different way. Physical, emotional and psychological, along with a final test at the end of the ten weeks to determine your true worth. Physical is the most important, so it comes first."

 

"But how..." Jed's voice pipes up through the silence, cutting himself off with a loud yawn. "How does firing a gun have anything to do with bravery?"

 

In one swift movement that seems to progress quicker than a blink of the eye, Hope flips the rifle in her grasp and pins the barrel harshly against Jed's forehead. Her jaw is locked sharply as the sound of a bullet clicking into place fills the quiet atmosphere. The glare in her eyes could surely kill, Josie thinks, but she can't seem to look away from the sight.

 

"One slight pull of my finger on this trigger, and you're dead. You'll be nothing but a waste, even more so than you already are now." Hope rasps, the details of her voice sending an unwanted chill down Josie's spine.

 

Although Jed stands frozen, his jaw agape and his skin flushed pale, Hope's ice cold glare never ceases. "Wake up. You're holding a loaded gun, do yourself a favor and act like it."

 

Josie swallows roughly at the sight of Hope lowering the gun, brushing the barrel off with the tips of her fingers, an emotionless expression painted across her face. Her eyes shift to Jed, noticing the ignorant boy maintains wide eyes and crimson cheeks. If having the barrel of a loaded gun pressed between his brows wouldn't shut him up, the brunette isn't sure anything else would.

 

"What you fail to realize, initiate, is the exact detail of what bravery defines. It's the definition of your faction - courage, independence, defense, and protection. You need to know how to defend yourself just as well as defending others, that's exactly what bravery is." Hope's words roll effortlessly off her tongue, and she plants her heels into gravel behind one of the numerous targets. "Watch me, and I'll teach you how."

 

Josie studies Hope as the older girl adjusts her grip on the rifle, her posture straightening before she takes her aim. The rifle fires only a second later, and the agonizing blast of the bullet is so loud, it makes the brunette's ears ring. She glances up to the bullseye target, finding a single bullet hole cut clean through the middle circle.

 

Hope takes a few steps back, her face blank as if her clean shot meant nothing at all, and gestures with a wave of her hand for the initiates to step up to the targets.

 

The rifle in Josie's delicate grip remains foreign, the cold metal chilling her fingertips. She digs her boots into the gravel as she steps up to one of the many targets, keeping them shoulder-width apart. The brunette finds it difficult to focus, the hesitance causing her hands to grow slick, and furrows her brows when her family drifts into her mind.

 

The nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach must be from the thought of her family. She knows her parents or even her sister would never approve of the brunette holding a gun, let alone firing it. It's not like she ever has before, as Abnegation believed self-defense was a selfish method. The thought makes her wonder if she's even capable of pulling the trigger.

 

Josie pushes the thoughts from her mind and takes a deep breath as she wraps her fingers around the handle of the gun, tightening her grip. It's a large rifle, making it heavy and a little difficult to raise in the air properly, but she manages. She pins the barrel towards the target in front of her, squeezing the trigger harshly before she has any time to change her mind.

 

It fires with a sharp force, and once again she's not prepared for the ruthless bang that sounds through the air, mixing in with the sound of other initiates firing their guns. The recoil sends her hands flying backwards, and she barely dodges the rifle coming straight for her face. It's obvious the bullet didn't go anywhere near the target.

 

Josie forces herself to grip the rifle tightly once more, firing again and again and again.

 

The bullets continue to stray far away from the bullseye, and the brunette glances around to find a few initiates have managed to hit close to the middle of the target, even Landon and Penelope. A burst of jealous flames fulfills her chest at the sight.

 

Josie takes a deep breath before beginning to raise the rifle to her chest once more, until she's suddenly cut off by a familiar voice sounding softly into her ear, a presence so close behind her that a chill electrifies her spine.

 

"There's no need to doubt yourself."

 

She jerks her head quickly enough for her hair to whip around her shoulder, and blinks roughly at the sight of Hope staring at her. The auburn-haired girl's arms are crossed over her chest and her brows are raised, and the brunette feels insecurity surge through her body like a tidal wave.

 

"I'm sorry?" Josie's barely able to mutter the two words beneath the strong gaze of the other girl.

 

Hope smirks slightly before stepping forward, her fingers delicately grazing Josie's hands gripped tightly on the rifle with hesitance, as if asking for permission. "May I?"

 

Hope lowers the rifle from the close proximity it holds with Josie's chest and positions it forward, aligning it properly with the brunette's forearm. She then shifts Josie's fingers to spread out evenly on the handle, and pulls on them slightly in order to loosen the grip. The brunette isn't able to stop herself, for whatever unknown reason, from biting her lip subtly at the contact of their hands.

 

"Not so close to your chest, if it recoils too hard, it will hurt like a bitch." Hope explains, before stepping back from the close position and smiling fondly. "I can see the fear in your eyes, you know. Take a deep breath... fire your next shot with confidence."

 

The kindness of the older girl causes a warm spark to erupt in her chest, but Josie forces herself to ignore the intoxicating feeling and simply nods before turning back to the target in front of her. Josie can still feel Hope behind her as she looks through the scope, and takes a deep breath before squeezing the trigger hard.

 

The recoil is still excruciating, making her hands fly back but her feet manage to stay planted to the gravel. Glancing to the target eagerly, a grin forms on Josie's face when she spots a bullet hole on the very edge of the bullseye.

 

The newfound energy coursing through her veins gives her courage to turn back to Hope, the smile on her face surely bright.

 

Hope just smirks, an unreadable glint shining in her blue eyes. "Always remember to believe in yourself, Josie." She murmurs almost too quietly before quickly walking off.

 

***

 

Soon enough, the break for lunch arrives, but all Josie can think about is the throbbing coursing through both her arms from holding up the hulking rifle for so long, and the way her fingers are oddly difficult to straighten. The brunette walks through the dining hall alongside Penelope and Landon, not bothering to engage in their enthusiastic conversation as they find an open table.

 

Josie absentmindedly shifts the fruit on her plate back and forth with her fork, allowing her thoughts to swim. She furrows her brows deeply when the aptitude test drifts into her mind.

 

If she's honest, the thought has always been there, like a constant reminder that she's a dangerous mistake, just like Tori had told her with utmost seriousness. It feels as if it's been branded to the brunette's face, and if she just so happens to turn a certain angle, it will gleam and reveal itself to everyone around her.

 

No issues have occurred thus far, but that doesn't stop Josie from worrying, even if she has no clue what exactly to worry about. Tori had told her nothing about divergence, or what even makes the result dangerous. It's not like she can ask a fellow initiate about divergence, either. The risk of letting her guard down and being found is too high, the fear of what might happen like a constant shadow lurking over her.

 

"I'm just saying, I would hate to ever get on her bad side. I'm surprised she hasn't actually killed that Jed kid by now."

 

Landon's worrisome voice causes Josie's head to snap up, her eyes shifting to the smirk on Penelope's face.

 

"What?" Josie asks with an awkward chuckle, causing both Penelope and Landon to glance towards her.

 

"Oh, please tell me you've noticed what a bombshell our instructor is." Penelope laughs, her brows raised questioningly.

 

"Yeah," Landon nods, his mouth forming a deep frown. "a borderline psychotic bombshell."

 

"Psychotic? More like totally badass!" Penelope declares with a serious tone, although her eyes are swimming with humor. "You have to admit though, that kid did have it coming. He really doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut."

 

Landon shrugs, still frowning deeply as he shakes his head towards both girls. "I don't disagree, but still..." He pauses, before quietly adding, "she scares me."

 

Penelope can't help but laugh loudly at Landon's confession, causing the boy to let out a loud she does, which only makes the girl cackle even harder.

 

Josie smiles at the sight, finding the laughter about the subject to be contagious, but her expression ceases a moment later when Penelope glances straight at her with questioning eyes and a taunting smirk. "So, tell me your thoughts on the hot and mysterious instructor. But, please don't tell me she scares you too."

 

The hot and mysterious instructor.

 

Hope.

 

Josie wishes with everything in her that she could deny the uncertain attraction she feels, but quite frankly, it's impossible. She doesn't know what to make of it, either. She doesn't know what exactly it means, how the older girl always seems to drift into her mind, one way or another, no matter the time. Whether it's the beauty of the girl, or the familiar feeling Josie receives when she's in Hope's presence, there must be a reason she's all the brunette's mind consists of lately.

 

The girl seems dangerous to everyone else, more likely than not, but Josie can't help but remember the way a soft sincerity fulfilled in Hope's blue eyes each time she had caught her gaze. The way Josie had been the only one to be offered help from the auburn-haired girl during the morning's training session, although some other initiates had also struggled with shooting the rifle at first.

 

"Um..." Josie hesitates, gnawing at her bottom lip. Both Landon and Penelope are peering at her questioningly, awaiting an answer, and the brunette truly wants to slap herself from her lack of speech.

 

A million thoughts all consisting of Hope flicker throughout her mind like an endless slideshow, each one containing too much observation and detail than she'd ever dare to admit out loud, especially to anyone else but herself.

 

She clears her throat, beginning to mutter out a pathetic she's cool, when suddenly a new presence makes itself known at their table, and Josie has never been so thankful to be interrupted.

 

"Hey, could I sit here?" MG asks as he politely smiles, tapping the tabletop lightly with his knuckles.

 

"Aw, what happened with you and your Erudite buddies?" Penelope pouts dramatically as she peers up towards the boy.

 

"They're not my buddies." MG scoffs out a laugh, setting his tray down on the table and taking a seat beside Landon. "Just because we transferred from the same faction, doesn't mean we all get along. Besides, Ethan's obliviousness to Alyssa's flirting is honestly embarrassing."

 

Josie glances to a far table to spot the two Erudite transfers, Ethan and Alyssa. The girl is smiling, leaning in and staring longingly at the boy, who simply seems nonchalant as he talks to her, no other clear motives in his expression. The brunette can see what MG had been referring to, it really is embarrassing.

 

"Why do some people have to be so public?" Josie mutters with distaste before she can stop herself.

 

"It's just flirting." MG chuckles, raising his brows at the brunette. "I mean, at least she's not stripping naked."

 

"It's just... something like that should be sacred. Intimacy and affection is supposed to be special, she shouldn't be so public and desperate about it." Josie finishes her statement with a confident nod, only to see Penelope, MG, and Landon all sending her the same sort of smirk. She shifts uncomfortably beneath the undesired attention. "What?"

 

"Your Abnegation is showing." Penelope snickers, teasingly nudging the brunette's shoulder with her own. "A little affection in public isn't so bad to the rest of us, we've never really thought twice about it in our factions. Well, at least for Candor and Erudite. Landon, did Amity ever get freaky?"

 

Landon blushes furiously as he shakes his head, earning laughter from the rest of them. "Y-Yeah... sometimes."

 

"Damn." Penelope's eyes widen, her smile growing. "That's surprising."

 

"I guess I'll have to get used to it." Josie shrugs lightly, although still believing intimacy to be sacred. Even if her faction hadn't hidden all forms of romance, she still thinks she would believe in the deserved privacy of such a thing. It's not like she's ever had the opportunity to experience, though.

 

"Or, you could stay frigid." MG says, his eyes gleaming with the utmost form of mischief. "Nobody's judging you."

 

Penelope rolls her eyes, tossing a dinner roll from her plate at the boy, only for it to be caught and eaten in an instant. "Don't be such an ass. Frigidity is in her nature, just like being a know-it-all is in yours."

 

"I am not frigid!" Josie huffs, pouting with her arms crossed.

 

"Josie, it's okay if you are. It's endearing, really." Landon says gently as he smiles.

 

"Look, she's all red!" MG laughs loudly, pointing to the brunette. It's a teasing action more so than a direct attack, and the comment only makes Josie's face grow warmer in embarrassment.

 

Penelope seems to feel sympathy for Josie, opting to grasp her hand comfortingly, which catches her attention. "So, back to what we were talking about, before the know-it-all joined us. What do you think of Hope?"

 

Josie internally curses herself, the opportunity of avoiding the conversation now ceased. Everyone's attention is on her, their gazes mirroring needles pricking at every inch of her skin. The spotlight or attention of any kind has never been her strong suite.

 

“Um..." She squeaks out after an eternity of silence. "she's cool, I guess." Thankfully, before Penelope has a spare second to notice the deep crimson blush painted across Josie's cheeks, a voice perks up from across the table.

 

"Hope?" MG urgently questions as he leans forward in his seat. "As in our instructor?"

 

"Exactly." Penelope nods, smirking a bit before her tone becomes serious. "You think she's hot too, right?"

 

"Only an idiot would disagree with that." MG chuckles at the raven-haired girl's question, opening his mouth to say something else before he's quickly interrupted.

 

"So, I'm like the only one that thinks she's crazy?" Landon scowls, his eyes flickering anxiously between the members of the table. "She choked a kid with his own tie! And pointed a gun at his head!"

 

"He had it coming!" Penelope scoffs at the curly-headed boy across from her. "You really need to stop acting so uptight." A moment passes before she gasps, a smile tugging at her lips.

 

"You and Josie are literally frigid soulmates!"

 

Laughter sounds from around the table, and Josie shakes her head, finding it increasingly difficult not to smile, especially at the sight of Landon burying his face inside his black jacket to hide a very noticeable blush.

 

"You guys do know about Hope, right?" MG questions once the laughter subsides, his brows raised. "Landon's kind of right about her to some extent."

 

"Know what about her?" Josie blurts out, her intrigued state probably seeming dramatic from a different perspective, but she doesn't care. She had to let the question escape her mouth before she had even a second to choke it down and forget about it.

 

"If the way she stood up against that Jed kid indicated anything, it's that she obviously doesn't like to be treated like a joke." Penelope laughs shortly. "I think she's a badass. She defies every stereotype in the book, what else is there to know?"

 

"Well, she definitely doesn't like to be messed with, and for a good reason." MG says gravely. "She ranked first in her class two years ago, and she's supposedly the highest ranking initiate in the history of Dauntless. One of the leaders, Marcel, has tried to recruit her for leadership like three times, but she always says no."

 

The boy dressed in black glances around for a moment, and lowers his voice before speaking again. "Rumor even has it that she had a thing with Eric."

 

Josie knits her brows together, her chest tightening when the last sentence sinks within her mind. Just processing the simple sentence, about a girl she knows nothing about, manages to burn every inch of her skin, the flames devouring her entire being. There's no possible way that's true, it couldn't be. The brunette could practically hear the pulsing of her heart, and for what reason, she's completely clueless.

 

"That's insane." Penelope shakes her head, although she doesn't seem to disagree. She furrows her brows deeply at the boy. "How do you even know all that already? You transferred with us."

 

MG shrugs as he deadpans. "You'd be surprised just how much Dauntless likes to gossip... especially about Hope."

 

There's no possible way Hope would waste her time on someone like Eric, is there? The brunette begins to wonder if that's the very reason why the older girl was so uncomfortable within his presence in the dining hall yesterday. It causes Josie to reminisce of the details of the auburn-haired girl's actions. The visible shaking of Hope's fingers, her accelerated breathing, the way she flinched and jerked when Eric had tried to touch her, the bitter coldness of her tone when she spoke to him. It simply doesn't make any sense.

 

It has to mean something else.

Notes:

it's been two weeks or so since i last updated and i swear i didn't die lmao. i had a little writers block, mainly due to trying to focus on finishing the school year. thankfully i finished (with good grades yay) and now i can focus on this fic! the next chapter will be much longer i promise, i just wanted to get this out asap :)

Chapter 6

Lunch in the dining hall passes by rather swiftly, and Josie soon finds herself among the rest of the initiates being led by Hope to a new place. They pass through the busy corridors of The Pit, beyond the river and enter an unfamiliar room.

 

The room is quite large, and somewhat cold in temperature. The brunette spots a set of open doors on the far end of the room, and figures the breeze blowing in must be the reason why. Blinding white lights hang from the ceiling in a few areas, while the remaining areas cast dark shadows throughout the room.

 

Josie figures this area must have been a gymnasium at one point, as the wooden floor beneath her creaks slightly with every few steps the initiates all take, and the panels of wood are distressed.

 

There are two large mats directly in the center of the room, the bright lights of the ceiling highlighting each of them. Hanging at three-foot intervals along one side of the room are black punching bags. She glances toward the opposite side to find a chalkboard hung onto a pole, names listed in three different rows.

 

As Hope leads the initiates to the center of the room, Josie notices two figures standing upon one of the large mats. A familiar head of blonde hair leads her to recognize one of them as Jade, but she doesn't know who the other could be. He has a dark complexion and short black hair, a soft yet firm face that makes him seemingly young.

 

Hope stands beside Jade and the unnamed boy upon the mat, and Josie stops along with the rest of the initiates directly in front of it. The auburn-haired girl talks in a hushed voice with the two Dauntless members for a moment.

 

Jade says something in an equally quiet voice with a small smile, and Josie figures it must have been humorous, as Hope lets out a soft giggle before turning back towards the initiates. She appears to quickly try and suppress her smile in front of the group, but the brunette recognizes it without a doubt, finding herself charmed at the sight and wishing it wasn't so foreign.

 

"Moving into the next part of your physical training," Hope explains as she crosses her bare arms against her chest. "you'll be learning how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare your body to act, and respond to threats and challenges you will inevitably face in Dauntless."

 

If Josie's honest, she hadn't even began to think of her potential future in the faction, not since Eric had revealed the possible consequence of failing training. All she can think about is forcing herself to give all she's got in order to make it through initiation. There's no way she'll allow herself to fail, being Factionless isn't an option.

 

Hope turns slightly to face Jade and the unnamed boy behind her, gesturing towards them with a gentle nod of her head. "You guys know Jade, and next to her is Rafael. They'll be helping me today with going over fighting technique, preparing you for your first fights with each other tomorrow. I'd strongly suggest that all of you watch closely, those who don't learn fast will get hurt."

 

Hope jumps off the mat, opting to stand beside one of the punching bags and away from the initiates. "So, these two are going to fight and demonstrate some different moves. I'll be naming each one, and you'll need to know them, so pay attention."

 

Rafael and Jade face each other from opposite ends of the mat, playful smiles on their faces as if they're taunting each other. They begin to simultaneously walk around the mat in a circle at a slow pace, never taking their eyes off the other as their arms are put out in front of them in a shielding formation.

 

Their fists, each wrapped with black bandages presumably designed for fighting, are prepped in the air. The circling movements last for a few seconds, until the trash talk begins.

 

"You alright, Jade?" Rafael asks, although the smirk on his face proves his question to be the opposite of sincere. "You look a little scared."

 

"I'm scared?" Jade laughs in disbelief, shaking her head. "Yeah, right. I've kicked your ass before, remember? I'm not afraid to do it again." She daringly takes a rather quick step towards him, causing him to back up a little too swiftly for someone seemingly confident.

 

"Stop playing with each other!" Hope calls out in a tone that doesn't seem truly angry, as she's smiling towards the two on the mat. Josie assumes, by the way they all interact, that the three of them must all be close friends.

 

Jade nods, glancing towards the taller boy as she steps back from the center of the mat. "You heard the boss."

 

Rafael steps back onto the mat, his arms coming up once again to shield his chest, his clenched fists aligned with his jaw. The trash talk ceases and they begin to circle each other once more, growing closer and closer together with every step.

 

Josie watches with anticipation and a slight sense of adrenaline at each movement the two Dauntless members make, to Jade's careful composure or Rafael's eyes flickering across the blonde's body every few seconds, as if he's waiting for her to make the first move.

 

It's not long before Rafael surprisingly makes the first move, tossing his fist in an upwards motion directly into Jade's abdomen, too quickly for the blonde to dodge it, and harshly enough that a soft grunt escapes her mouth.

 

"That was called an uppercut." Hope says, glancing towards the group of initiates as she labels Rafael's punch, and Josie forces herself to ignore the entranced feeling she receives when the older girl's gaze settles directly onto her. It's only for a second, but the brunette could've sworn hours had just passed.

 

Rafael's first uppercut is followed by the boy attempting to produce the same move with his opposite fist, however, Jade acts quickly to catch his fist within her own, the other thrusting directly at his face and making fierce contact with his jaw.

 

The impact causes the Dauntless boy to stumble away from her, a grimace of pain shadowed across his face.

 

"That was called a hook." Hope calls out.

 

The next few moments are filled with a mixture of Jade and Rafael performing the previously named punches and even a few kicks, each one easily dodged or caught by the other.

 

Although the both of them are clearly putting effort into the fight, they still seem to keep friendly energy and offer smiles every so often. Josie has to admit, the amount of anticipation she feels while watching the two of them fight manages to surprise her.

 

Josie would have never guessed something of this nature would have interested her to such an extent, being Abnegation-born, but then again, something had definitely came over her during the Choosing Ceremony that was obviously apart of the deepest roots of her subconscious. Apart of something within her mind that she truly doesn't understand.

 

Something within her knew that this faction was her destiny, and although she's not sure of the exact meaning right now, she knows it will make sense in time. Despite her fears, there's a reason she never seemed to fit into Abnegation, a reason she always felt so out of place her entire life, a reason she chose Dauntless.

 

"Jade, I think he's taking it easy on you." Hope says, her tone dripping with playful accusation. Josie glances toward her to find a smirk painted across the girl's face as she peers up towards her friends on the elevated fighting mat.

 

"You know Raf's got a soft spot for us." Jade laughs, sending a teasing smile towards Rafael, who only shakes his head with a short chuckle.

 

Rafael doesn't say anything, only studies the blonde girl in front of him for a moment. He suddenly hurls his left leg through the air and towards the direction of Jade's ribs, but she dodges it with ease before catching his calf in a tight grip and tugging harshly.

 

It catches Rafael off guard, as the single tug was enough to send him hurtling towards the ground, the impact of his back slamming against the mat echoing throughout the large room.

 

Jade straddles Rafael's limp body before he has any time to lift from the ground, her knee digging deeply into the boy's neck. He makes a few rugged choking sounds, and the blonde's hands pin his fists to the mat, stopping him from being able to push her off.

 

"That was a failed roundhouse kick." Hope laughs humorlessly before quickly stepping onto the fighting mat to get a closer look at her two friends. She studies them for a moment, muttering something beneath her breath before she places a hand on Jade's shoulder. "Time!"

 

Jade lifts up from the ground, breathing a little heavy as she offers her hand out. Rafael grasps her hand and pulls himself up, his throat clearing a few times as he attempts to catch his breath. "Damn, woman."

 

"Told you I'd beat your ass again." Jade snickers.

 

***

 

After Jade and Rafael finished their demonstrative brawl, Hope had advised the group of initiates to find a punching bag and begin practicing the fighting moves they were just shown.

 

The punches and kicks they had demonstrated seemed fairly simple, but Josie finds it's actually a lot more difficult than she thought. Like shooting the gun, it takes her more than a mere moment to figure out how to position her hands, or how to move her body properly.

 

She had never engaged in any sort of serious physical activity before, so when she attempts to practice hits against the punching bag, she finds the contact between the tough leather and her fragile hands pains her more than she'd care for. The skin of her hands flushes a deep shade of red from the welting as a stinging sensation fulfills her nerves.

 

Even through the brunette's dedicated effort and what she thinks is a hard enough punch, the bag barely moves at all.

 

Josie's full attention shifts and she grows slightly distracted when she spots Hope wandering around the initiates, studying each of them as they practice different combinations of punches or kicks. She forces herself to look away, pretending she doesn't notice when the auburn-haired girl slowly comes up behind her.

 

The older girl's gaze seems to light her on fire, and Josie seems to forget for a moment that breathing is a requirement. She attempts a harsh punch against the bag, biting her lip to prevent herself from making a sound at the burning sensation that erupts through her hand. Her chest tightens at the sight of Hope staring at her, the girl's eyes pinned onto her body, flickering from head to toe and not particularly lingering anywhere specific.

 

Hope's eyes settle onto the brunette's bruised hands, and it's then she decides to speak. "You're weak."

 

At the critical comment, Josie knits her brows in offence. A sense of hesitation stops her from opening her mouth to retort, until she bravely pushes it aside.

 

"Thanks." Josie snarks, her lips involuntarily tugging into a sarcastic smirk as she glares at the girl. A brief thought of where the hell did that come from flashes through her mind before it's interrupted by a seemingly panicked Hope.

 

"No, I just meant..." Hope begins swiftly, but tapers off just as fast, biting her lip as she appears conflicted. Whatever the auburn-haired girl had just begun to say, she seems to think better of, as the apologetic tone from before vanishes quickly. "You don't have a lot of muscle right now. You need to use your whole body, and put more power behind it."

 

Before Josie can even blink, Hope's hand crosses over the short distance between the two and presses flat against the brunette's stomach, gripping softly just above her hip. Josie's eyes widen for a few seconds, freezing beneath the warm touch. She stares directly into Hope's eyes, feeling submissive beneath the strong gaze that's exceptionally close to her own. Her heart pounds like a sledgehammer against her chest, feeling short of breath.

 

"Don't forget to keep tension here." Hope nearly whispers, her voice sporting a slight husk that seems more rough than normal. "You're a lot faster than the others, so you could easily win as long as you attack first."

 

Josie simply nods, fully aware that the sight of this interaction wouldn't appear at all professional to anyone else. Hope's hand still grips the brunette's stomach where her shirt had ridden up slightly, the warmth of it feeling as dangerous as fire.

 

A second later, Hope quickly reverts her hand and doesn't spare Josie another glance before walking away.

 

Josie feels the pressure of the older girl's hand even after she's disappeared out of sight, and the brunette has to take a deep breath before she begins practicing again, the advice she received from the girl playing like a record in her mind.

 

***

 

A few hours pass by in an excruciatingly long manner before Hope dismisses the initiates for dinner.

 

Josie absentmindedly massages her knuckles as she walks, the stinging and burning of her hands just as relevant from when she was punching the bag. She jumps in shock when a shoulder nudges against her own, and she turns her head quickly to see Penelope and Landon beginning to walk with her down the hallway.

 

"I'm surprised Hope didn't shatter you in half." Penelope raises her brows with a slight grin, as if it was humorous.

 

Josie instantly blushes at the statement, reminiscing of the very distinct feeling of Hope's warm touch upon her exposed stomach. "You saw that?"

 

Penelope nods slowly, glancing at the brunette with a sly glint shining in her eyes.

 

"She still scares me." Landon says blatantly, shaking his head. "It's that quiet voice she uses."

 

"Yeah, she's..." Josie hesitates, sighing beneath her breath as a million thoughts of the older girl all rest upon the tip of her tongue, begging to be said aloud. She chokes it down and clears her throat as if to erase them from existence. "really intimidating."

 

It's surely not a lie, not in the slightest. Josie wonders why exactly she isn't scared of Hope like Landon says he is. From choking a boy at least a foot taller than her with his own tie, to pointing a loaded gun at the same boy's forehead, the brunette should have plenty of reasons to be frightened of the girl.

 

Hope may be intimidating, reserved, and impressively self-possessed, but Josie can't ignore the delirium she feels around the older girl. The longing she truly wishes she could explore, a list of questions she feels desperate to find answers for. A familiar sense she truly can't explain.

 

Josie remains blindly disoriented in her own thoughts until Penelope loudly calling her name abruptly pulls her back in.

 

"What?" Josie asks quietly, blushing beneath the questioning gaze of the raven-haired girl. Even Landon peers at her curiously, clearly caught on that the brunette was so zoned out from the conversation that she hadn't even noticed the new presence of MG.

 

"Landon suggested we all get tattoos tomorrow."

 

"Really?" Josie can't help but sound surprised, her eyes flickering between the three bright smiles of her friends - she thinks she can call them that now - as if to encourage her to be on board with the idea. She's honestly not sure how to feel about it, nobody in Abnegation or any other faction besides Dauntless ever had tattoos.

 

Landon nods with a short laugh, although it seems a little distance. "Yeah. I guess I just really want to feel like I left my old faction. I want to stop feeling sad all the time, knowing my family hates me for wanting to choose who I really am and abandoning Amity. I want to feel proud of myself, like I'm growing into someone better."

 

The honest vent from the curly-haired boy takes Josie off guard, along with everyone else. Penelope sends him a sympathetic smile, and MG places a hand on the boy's shoulder comfortingly.

 

"I think he's right." MG admits with a shrug.

 

Penelope nods, glancing towards Josie for a moment before explaining. "I think maybe it could be good for all of us. It could help us signify a new beginning, and definitely make us look more like actual Dauntless."

 

Josie ponders for a moment before ultimately deciding she truly adores the idea. The feeling of being held back from embracing her new faction had occurred to her more than once, and she figures she's got nothing to lose. "Okay, yeah... I like it. We're with you, Landon."

 

Josie returns the thankful grin she receives from Landon as all the initiates saunter past the entrance of the dining hall. During the short walk towards their usual table, the brunette decides to allow one thought, a proclaim, out in the open.

 

"Just a tattoo, though." Josie declares, her eyes pinned to the mischievous smirk on Penelope's face as she sits down at the table. "No cutting any of our hair, or piercing our faces."

 

"Fine." Penelope groans sarcastically. "I guess I'll get my nose pierced by myself."

Notes:

hope you enjoyed this chapter, hosie might be getting more steamy pretty soon. you didn't hear it from me though.

also, i may or may not be working on another au fic right now? i was watching a certain gay movie for like the hundredth time (you get no hints, sorry) and thought huh what a great fic idea. so expect that very soon, unless i lose my motivation for it. we'll see.

Chapter 7

"There are an odd number of you, so one of you won't be fighting today." Hope explains as she gestures towards the chalkboard posted up in the training room. 

 

The night had passed quickly, leaving the morning to come too soon, along with fight training between the initiates. To say the least, Josie had been kept up by her own incessant worrying all throughout the long hours of the night, just pondering of the different possibilities her first fight could bring. More specifically, if she's even capable of stepping onto the met, let alone engaging in a brawl. 

 

Josie glances towards the chalkboard eagerly, knitting her brows at the sight of her name standing alone, the space beside it blank. She's the odd one out that won't be fighting today. A feeling overwhelms her, an uncanny presence the brunette can't determine is relief or disappointment. 

 

Shifting her gaze, Josie finds Hope to be staring straight at her, an unreadable expression on the older girl's face. The brunette's stomach twists, and she wonders if Hope had anything to do with the reprieve. 

 

Hope shifts her gaze away from the brunette in an instant as her arms cross against her chest. "Okay, first fight begins now. Ethan and Landon, get up here." 

 

Josie glances to Landon beside her, offering an encouraging smile despite the way the curly-haired boy gnaws on his bottom lip, his nerves evidently consuming him. "Good luck, Landon."

 

Landon simply smiles, although it doesn't reach his eyes in the slightest. "Thanks, Josie." A frown adorns his face as he slowly saunters towards the fighting mat just a few feet away. He greets Ethan with a curt nod of his head before the two boys take their positions on the mat. 

 

"Well, this sucks." Penelope sighs, nudging her elbow against Josie's side. The brunette follows her friend's gaze. "I'm up against the Erudite bitch."

 

Friend. Surely, Josie knew for certain she could refer to the Candor-transfer as such, and Landon as well. She feels closer with Penelope though, even only knowing the other girl for three days.

 

Penelope hadn't yet left her side at all, as they sleep with their beds next to each other and the raven-haired girl even opts to shield Josie's body from surrounding eyes when she changes into her training clothes. It makes the brunette beyond grateful, to have someone to lean towards for comfort in difficult times. 

 

Josie glances towards the chalkboard, searching for a moment before finding Penelope's name quickly. Right beside it, written in white, is Maya. As if a timer went off, the doors to the training room swing open and Maya enters, with Jed right by her side. The both of them an obnoxious, laughing mess, clearly not caring about their late arrival. 

 

"MG and I were just talking about them last night. According to what he used to see in Erudite, the two of them have been inseparable since preschool days." Penelope growls bitterly, shaking her head as she crosses her arms against her chest. "They're dreadful, from what he told me." 

 

"They don't seem very nice." Josie mumbles quietly, not being able to help herself from admitting it. "They definitely have a problem with keeping their mouths shut, that's for sure. What did MG say about them?"

 

"Jed is pure evil. MG said when they were kids, he used to pick fights with all the other kids from different factions just for fun, specifically Abnegation, and he always got away with it." Penelope frowns. "I'm surprised you haven't encountered him sooner." 

 

Josie blushes, a resenting feeling building deep in her chest. Her lips tug into a broken and humorless smile. "Well, it would've been hard to keep track of every single bully I used to deal with in school." 

 

Penelope's mouth falls agape for a few seconds, her eyes shining with something closely resembling guilt, before she simply sends the brunette an apologetic smile. She uncrosses her arms from her chest, her hand grasping Josie's and interlocking their fingers. It had become a normal thing for them to hold hands, the action nothing more than a sense of comfort for either girl.  

 

"Sorry." Penelope barely whispers, before opting to swiftly change the uncomfortable topic. "So, Maya. The Erudite bitch. She's just... sneaky and insufferable, and basically Jed's sidekick through everything, or maybe his girlfriend, I don't know. They're always together, so it wouldn't surprise me.”

 

Josie catches the way Maya and Jed both cast a glare towards her and Penelope, their heads pulling slowly together as they whisper to each other. The brunette shudders as the two pairs of eyes study her and her friend's bodies with something shadowing quite close to repugnance. 

 

"I think they know we're talking about them." Josie mutters quietly, glancing towards her friend. 

 

"So?" Penelope rolls her eyes as she clicks her tongue, shrugging. "They already know I can't stand either of them." 

 

"Really? How do they know?"

 

Penelope summons the fakest of smiles towards them, the tips of her fingers forming a small wave in the air. Josie glances down, her cheeks growing warm in embarrassment. Gossiping in her old faction had never occurred, as the idea was claimed as self-indulgent. 

 

A booming groan echoes throughout the room, causing Josie's head to snap up. She glances behind her, watching as Landon drapes a hand over his forehead, pain painted across his face. It doesn't take long for him to shake it off, as his foot hurls through the air and hooks around Ethan's leg, yanking back and knocking Ethan to the mat below them. 

 

"Because I've told them, of course." Penelope's voices causes Josie to shift her gaze back towards her, finding the raven haired girl's teeth to be gritted through her smile. "I'm from Candor, remember? We try to be pretty brutally honest about our feelings in Candor. Plenty of people have told me they don't like me, and plenty of people have told me they do. Who cares?"

 

"Abnegation was just... different, I guess." Josie mumbles. "We were never really supposed to hurt or hate anyone." 

 

"Well, I like to think I'm helping them by hating them." Penelope claims slyly, a smirk upon her full lips. "I'm reminding them they are anything but a gift to humankind as we know it." 

 

Josie giggles softly at that, before her eyes catch movement of the two boys on the mat. She looks to find Ethan and Landon circling each other, their fists held in front of them in defense as they remain completely focused on one another. Ethan flicks his wet bangs from his forehead, and it's then the brunette notices how sweaty and truly out of breath the two boys are.

 

They each occasionally glance towards Hope in anticipation, as if they're waiting for her to call the fight off, but she stands off to the side of the fighting mat with her arms crossed against her chest, giving no sort of a response. Just a few feet away, Josie notices Eric slouched against the wall, glancing towards his watch every few seconds. 

 

A few moments pass of Ethan and Landon circling each other, neither one of them making a move towards the other. The lack of fighting causes Eric to shout at them. "Do you guys really think this is leisure activity? All you're doing is standing there like idiots and wasting my time! Fight each other!"

 

"But..." Landon's voice struggles through his shaking breath. He leans over, the palms of his hands gripping his knees as his gaze pierces straight through Eric. "Is this thing scored or something? When are we supposed to stop?"

 

Eric chuckles beneath his breath. "It ends when one of you are unable to continue."

 

"Well, Landon, according to Dauntless rules," Hope speaks up, her tone sounding such like a fine mix of annoyance, yet a little sincerity. "one of you guys could also concede. If you really don't think you can fight any-"

 

"Those are the old rules." Eric snaps loudly. From the way his ice cold glare narrows directly at Hope to the way his eyebrow twitches slightly as he locks his jaw, Josie can feel her fusing hatred for the blonde-haired leader thrive by the second. "Conceding is no longer allowed, we're done with the old rules."

 

"What happened to acknowledging the strength of others when we're in the ring?" Hope questions, not bothering to conceal her insolent tone. The auburn-haired girl awaits an answer from Eric with a harsh glare, flames within her irises. If looks could kill, the blonde-haired leader would surely be six feet under by now.  

 

Eric smirks, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly before leaning up from the wall and sauntering towards Hope slowly. He towers over her, peering down for a long, silent moment. "A brave soldier never surrenders, Marshall. You know that."

 

"Well, isn't it lucky for you that rule didn't exist when we fought."

 

Eric ignores Hope as he gazes back towards the two motionless boys upon the mat, and he snarls with an aggressive huff. "Fight!"

 

Josie's brows furrow deeply, paying close attention to the way Eric smirks as he stares at Hope again, then onto how Hope remains silent, only holding her chest high and maintaining a dangerous scowl up towards her superior. She realizes she's been given the perfect example to examine two different types of Dauntless - the honorable kind, and the ruthless kind. 

 

"Okay, this is ridiculous!" Landon rebuttals, the palm of his hand swiping across his forehead and collecting stray sweat. It's useless, frankly, as his curly head of locks has become damp with sweat, along with the rest of his body. "What even is the point of me beating him up? We're in the same damn faction!" 

 

"Oh, you think it's that easy?" A wickedly bright grin slowly etches onto Ethan's face. "Come on, try and hit me then. Bet you can't."

 

Determination that wasn't there before shines bright within Ethan's eyes as he paces around the mat, while Landon visibly sighs before shielding his fists in front of his chest. It's unclear what the outcome of their fight could be, Ethan is just as skinny as Landon is, although the curly-haired boy does have a bit more muscle than the other. 

 

Watching the two boys fight is truly an adrenaline rush, an unknown certainty of who could win between them. Landon hooks his fist forward in a swift attempt to preform a punch, but Ethan ducks just as quickly, the back of his neck shining with a sheet of sweat. With an even turn of his body, Ethan slips around Landon and kicks him straight in the spine, sending the curly-haired boy to his knees with a rough groan. 

 

The kick to his spine must have awoken something within Landon, because when he stands only a second later and turns towards Ethan, there's a burning fire within his glare that wasn't visible before. 

 

When Josie was younger, her mother showed a picture book about grizzly bears to her and her sister. She remembers one picture specifically, a bear standing on its hind legs with its paws outstretches, mouth open widely and forming a ferocious roar. It vividly reminds her of how Landon looks now as he launches towards Ethan, snatching the other boy's arm to where he can't slip away, and punches him hard in the jaw. 

 

A swarm of butterflies erupt within Josie's stomach as she watches the light leave Ethan's pale green eyes. The orbs roll straight into the back of his head, and all the tension falls from his body in one swift motion. Ethan slips from Landon's grasp, completely dead weight, and falls against the fighting mat. At that sight alone, a bold chill rushes down Josie's spine. 

 

Landon glances down at Ethan's limp body on the mat, his eyes widening immensely in pure panic. Instead of smiling in victory over winning the fight, he quickly crouches down next to Ethan, grasping the side of the boy's pale face with one hand, tapping upon his cheek lightly with the tips of his fingers. The room is silent, if a penny were to fall against the wooden floor, it would be as loud as thunder. 

 

Ethan remains what seems to be lifeless and doesn't respond to Landon's attempts to wake him, he only lies upon the mat with an arm bent behind his back at an odd angle. Only a minute feels like hours as everyone waits for Ethan to respond, and for a few seconds, it feel like he might not. A moment passes until finally Ethan's eyes flicker open, and he blinks roughly, clearly dazed. 

 

"Get him up." Eric declares. He stares with greedy eyes at Ethan's body on the mat, like the sight is the most divine meal and he hasn't eaten in months. Josie can't help but notice the curl of Eric's lip and just how cruel it is. 

 

Hope leans forward from her slouched stance against the wall and walks towards the chalkboard, circling Landon's name in victory. As Landon pulls Ethan's arm over his shoulder and drags him off the fighting mat, Hope studies the chalkboard to determine the next fight. 

 

"Next up is Penelope and Maya!"

 

As soon as Hope announces the next fight, Josie watches curiously as the auburn-haired girl opts to support Ethan's waist and help lead him out of the room. Hope appears to whisper something to Landon before the boy steps away from the other two and stands by the door, watching Hope in silence as she practically carries Ethan alone out of the training room. 

 

With Hope gone and attending to Ethan in his weak state, it leaves Josie and the other initiates alone with Eric, which admittedly makes the brunette's palms grow slick.

 

"Well," Penelope sighs, cracking her knuckles and offering a sarcastic grin. "Let's get this over with." 

 

Josie studies her friend as she walks slowly up to the fighting mat. The brunette thinks she should've wished the other girl some luck, but she doesn't understand any sort of good that would do.

 

Penelope is far from weak, but she mentioned more than once to Josie about how nervous she is for when it's her time to fight someone. Maya, on the other hand, seems overly determined, if the wicked smile on her face speaks anything for itself. 

 

"Hey." Landon's voice lures Josie away from her thoughts. The brunette is startled by his sudden appearance, and especially at the gruesome marks that are now scattered across his face and body. His jaw and beneath his eyes are cluttered with dark bruises, and blood has dried beneath his nose and all along his hands. 

 

"Hey," Josie forces her gaze away from Landon's injuries and smiles up at him. "You did good. Fighting, I mean."

 

Landon avoids Josie eyes, opting to stare at the wooden floor beneath them. He takes a deep breath before chuckling a little, shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah, I guess so. But... I can't help but feel guilty, you know? I may have won the fight, but I knocked him out cold. I mean, for a second, I thought I killed him. It's just... I didn't think I was capable of that."

 

Josie nods, noticing the expression of pure sadness upon the boy's face. She reaches for one his hands and grasps it within her own. "I know, and it's okay for you to feel that way. Take it from me, none of us are used to any of this, but we don't have a choice, Landon. We have to be Dauntless."  

 

Landon only offers a pathetic smile, still clearly upset over the situation, much to Josie's dismay. 

 

On the fighting mat, Penelope tugs on the fabric of her black tank-top before tucking her hair behind her ears. It's shoulder-length, black, and her bangs are pinned back with silver clips. Her feet pace back and forth upon the mat as she cracks her knuckles repeatedly.

 

She looks more nervous than ever, which is wholeheartedly understandable. Who wouldn't be nervous after watching Ethan collapse like a rag doll?

 

Josie's storm of thoughts begin to stir once again. If conflict within the Dauntless faction ends with only one person standing, the brunette is unsure of what this certain part of initiation will do to her.

 

Will she be like Landon, standing in victory over someone else's limp body, knowing she was capable of doing that to them? Maybe she'll be Ethan, having the life knocked out of her for a few moments and lying on the ground, solemnly helpless. Is it selfish for her to crave victory, or is it exactly what she needs to be - brave? 

 

Motion from the fighting mat snatches Josie from her zoned out state, and she snaps to attention when Penelope delivers a harsh kick to Maya's side. Maya gasps loudly, falling to her knees and she grits her teeth as if she's about to growl through them. A large lock of curly black hair falls from her messy ponytail, but she doesn't bother to brush it away. 

 

Maya stands suddenly, smirking in a vile way that sends an eerie chill down Josie's spine. Without warning, she quickly dives with her arms outstretched directly at Penelope's torso. She hits her hard and fierce, knocking her down and pinning her to the ground. With Maya's knees pinned into her body in just the right places, Penelope thrashes uncontrollably, but the former doesn't budge. 

 

Maya continuously thrusts her fist forward to punch, and Penelope is barely able to move her head out of the way. Maya only punches again and again, until her fist hits Penelope's jaw, then her mouth, then her eye.

 

Without thinking, Josie grabs Landon's arm from beside her and squeezes it against her body as tightly as she can. She just needs something to hold on to, and to keep her feet planted to the ground beneath her before she ultimately runs up to the mat and pushes Maya off herself.

 

Blood streams down from Penelope's face and splatters onto the mat beside her cheek. Josie wishes she would just fall unconscious already to save herself from more injury, but she doesn't. Penelope suddenly yelps loudly and yanks one of her arms free. She punches Maya square in the nose, knocking the other girl off balance, wriggling free from beneath her. 

 

Penelope perches up on her knees, holding her face tightly for a moment. Blood streams from her nose, dark and thick, covering her fingers within seconds. Josie can easily tell from the heaving of her friend's shoulders that she's sobbing, but the brunette can barely hear anything over the throbbing in her ears. 

 

Please go unconscious.

 

Maya storms towards Penelope, preforming a roundhouse kick to her side and sending her sprawling on her back. Penelope yelps loudly once again, her arms and legs thrashing on the mat to lift herself up before Maya can pin her to the ground again. Landon frees his arm from Josie's tight hold and pulls her into his side, hugging her warmly.

 

"Stop!" Penelope wails just as Maya pulls her foot back to kick her again. Her hands shield her face in protection as she lies on her back on the mat, her raven-colored hair in tangles across her face, damp from blood and sweat.

 

"Please! I'm..." Penelope coughs roughly through her tears. "I'm done."

 

Maya shrugs as she laughs a little. Josie sighs in relief, feeling weight like bricks finally disappear off her shoulders. She feels Landon breathe out in relief as well, his chest rising and falling against her shoulder. 

 

Eric saunters towards the center of the room, his movements painfully slow, and towers over Penelope with his arms crossed over his chest. He glares down at her for a moment, and he's quiet when he finally says something. "I'm sorry, what? You're done?"

 

Penelope lifts her back from the mat fully, pushing herself up with a soft grunt to perch up on her knees. When her hand lifts from the mat, a red and bloody handprint is left behind. Her hand then comes up to cover her continuously gushing nose as she nods. 

 

"Get up." Eric says harshly, although there's a delicate edge to it.

 

If he had yelled, Josie might not have felt like everything inside her stomach was churning like a ferris wheel, threatening her insides to come out. If he had yelled, she would have known for a fact that yelling was the worst he had planned to do. His voice was rarely quiet, and his words were rather precise. 

 

As Penelope stands to her feet, she wobbles a little, lacking balance in her obviously weak state. Eric wraps an arm around her shoulders, gripping softly as he leads her off the mat. He side-eyes all of the other initiates, something unrecognizable within his light blue gaze. "All of you, follow me."

 

Eric and Penelope lead the group of initiates out of the training room and through a few corridors until they eventually pass through The Pit. It's almost completely empty, as it's the middle of the afternoon, although it feels like it's been night for days on end.

 

As Eric continues to lead the group forward and past the pit, the familiar sound of the roaring of a waterfall can be heard, which leads Josie to assume they're heading towards the chasm. 

 

Eric still has his arm wrapped around Penelope's shoulder with a firm grasp when he finally gestures for all the initiates to stop walking. His arm falls from Penelope's shoulder before he glances at her questioningly. "You feeling any better?"

 

The raven-haired girl doesn't speak a word, and only avoids Eric's harsh gaze as she offers a soft nod in response.

 

With her eyes pinned to the bridge below her, Penelope's caught off guard completely as Eric swiftly and brutally shoves her, her back smacking against the wet metal railing as her head snaps up in surprise. 

 

"Climb over it." Eric snaps, the bark in his tone contrasting easily against the roaring of the waterfall.

 

"W-What?" Penelope stutters, her brows furrowed as if he was joking.

 

"Climb over the railing, now." Eric pronounces each word slowly, yet fiercely. "If you can hang over the chasm for five minutes, I'll forgive you for being a coward in the ring. But, if you can't or refuse, you're initiation is done... meaning you're out." 

 

The metal railing that Penelope is leaned up against is narrow and ice cold. The waterfall sprays in every direction, causing the railing to be as slippery as can be. Even if Penelope is brave enough to hang from the railing and prove she wants to continue initiation, there's a slim chance she'll be able to hold on. Either she decides here and now to be factionless, or she risks the high probability of falling to her death. Josie shutters at that thought alone.

 

"Fine." Penelope rolls her eyes, but her voice shakes when she speaks. 

 

Penelope grips the railing firmly, climbing upwards and swinging her leg over swiftly. Josie can vividly see just how much her friend's hands are shaking. The raven-haired girl places her foot on the ledge as she lifts her other leg over, holding onto the railing so tightly her knuckles turn pure white. She takes her feet off the ledge one by one, and soon enough, her face is only visible between the bars of the barrier. She looks nervous, yet determined at the same time. 

 

Eric then sets his watch, watching Penelope hang from the railing with clear enjoyment. For the first two minutes, she's holding on just fine. Her grip stays tight around the railing and she soothes her arms to not shake. Josie begins to think she may be able to make it through and show Eric how foolish he was to ever doubt her. 

 

But then, the river begins to hit the wall, spraying white water against Penelope's back. The force causes her to fly forward, her face smacking against the railing as she cries out. Her hands begin to slip off the bar she slings onto, leaving only her fingertips keeping her up. She thrashes slightly, attempting to get a better grip on the barrier, but her hands are wet, making it impossible. 

 

Josie's heart migrates to her throat and a sharp ache pounds against her chest at the sight of her helpless friend. If she helped her, Eric would make her fate the same as Penelope's. Will she let her fall to her inevitable death, or will she resign herself to being factionless? She can't decide which is worse - to be idle and simply watch as someone, her friend, dies right in front of her, or to be exiled and empty-handed?

 

Josie knows her parents would have no problem answering that reeling question in the back of her mind. But one thing is for certain, she is definitely not her parents. 

 

Penelope has proven to Josie that she can be strong, and unlike most of the other initiates, she hasn't cried once since initiation began. Now, her face crumples in defeat, and she lets out a sob that is louder than the waterfall that surrounds her. Another splash of water hits cavern walls, spraying Penelope's body once more. Her hands slip from the railing again, and this time, one of them fall completely leaving her hanging by only four fingertips. 

 

"Come on, Penelope." Landon yells out suddenly, his eyes wide. Josie's head snaps towards him in surprise. Penelope glances up at him with a pained expression. "Come on, grab the railing, You can do it, grab it again." 

 

Penelope swings her arm upwards, fumbling as she reaches for the railing. No one else cheers her on or says anything at all, but Landon shouts loud and encouraging, his eyes holding hers the whole time. Josie wishes she could say something, she wishes she could even move, but all she can do is stare down at her friend and wonder just how long she has been this disgustingly selfish. 

 

What's wrong with her?

 

Josie winces as Landon suddenly shoves his shoulder against hers. His glare screams at her to say something, anything that could help. The brunette shakes her head in attempt to rid of the doubt in her mind.

 

"Come on," Josie's voice cracks. She clears her throat before yelling out. "not much longer, Penelope. You can do this, I know you can."

 

Penelope's other hand finally reaches upwards enough to where she can grab the railing again. Her arms shake so harshly, Josie wonders if the earth is shaking beneath her, trembling her vision and she just hadn't noticed. 

 

"Come on, Penelope!" Josie urges in unison with Landon. It makes the brunette feel like she may truly be strong enough the help her friend. Josie swears to herself she will help Penelope, she won't be selfish. If she slips again, she will help her. 

 

The harshest wave of water suddenly smacks against the rocky walls of the cavern, instantly soaking Penelope. She yelps out a piercing shriek as both her hands slip off the railing. To Josie, it feels like time has just stopped. Her heart pounds so loud she swears she can hear it over the thunderous flow of the waterfall. She feels as if she may faint, until she notices that Penelope didn't fall.

 

Penelope manages to grab the very last bar of the barrier, her fingers sliding down the slick and cold metal until her head is no longer visible.

 

Suddenly, the timer of Eric's watch goes off, indicating it's now been five minutes. The blonde-haired leader glances down towards his watch, tilting his wrist in every direction and taking his time with it, all while Josie's stomach twists and she feels as if she can't breathe. 

 

"Five minutes are up." Landon practically spits at Eric, his fists clenched by his sides. 

 

Eric glares at Landon, flames within his irises, until he finally relents. "Fine. You can come up now, Penelope."

 

Landon begins to rush towards the railing until he's cut off by Eric snatching onto the black long-sleeve he wears, yanking him backwards.

 

"No, she has to do it by herself."

 

"Actually, she doesn't." Landon growls at the blonde leader. Josie's taken back by just how angry the curly-haired boy is, she didn't think he was capable of such rage until today. "She literally did what you asked, meaning she is nowhere near a coward. I'm helping her up."

 

Eric doesn't respond or even look phased by the attitude. Landon reaches over the railing, and he's so tall that he can easily grip Penelope's wrist. She grabs his forearm eagerly, and he pulls her up, his face red with frustration. The sight is what pushes Josie to rush forward to help him. She's definitely not as tall as Landon, so she can't do much at first, but she grabs onto Penelope's waist once she's high enough and helps haul her over the railing. 

 

Penelope drops to the ground, her face still blood-smeared from the fight, her entire body soaking wet and quivering from the cold. Landon keeps his arm wrapped around and supporting her waist whilst Josie interlocks one of her hands with Penelope's, the other hand combing through her wet hair.

 

Penelope lifts her fragile and empty gaze to meet Josie's worrisome one, and at the sight of the broken girl finally being able to catch her breath, Josie hates herself for not helping the raven-haired girl sooner. 

 

Notes:

i know its been almost a year since i updated this fic, and im sorry for that cause i know this got a lot of love even from the first chapter i posted. i do miss this fic a lot tho, and writing in general. my life has a lot more going on than when i first started this fic, with me working almost 24/7, graduating high school, and moving out. its crazy. but i promise ima try my hardest to update as frequently as i can. i hope you liked this chapter tho! more coming soon :)

p.s. not a fan of the new season of legacies so far but can we talk about how good danielle looks? *chefs kiss*

Chapter 8

The sound of flesh smacking against the punching bags is all that Josie can hear, besides the blood pumping erratically through her ears. She takes a deep breath, backing away from her own target for a moment to collect herself. 

 

She swipes her hand across her forehead, collecting stray beads of sweat. It's then that the brunette catches a glimpse of her left fist, grimacing at just how bruised and swollen her knuckles are.

 

Josie doesn't dare to stop practicing though, opting to take another deep breath before throwing another harsh punch at the bag dangling in front of her. She winces in pain, biting her lip at the contact against her bruised knuckles. She should probably stop practicing and let herself rest, but she just can't.

 

Training is all she can think about, she hasn't been able to get the image of Penelope helplessly hanging over the cavern out of her mind. It also doesn't help that Josie's name is still listed in the bottom of the rankings on the chalkboard, a risk she could be kicked out. The fear of failure haunts her in her sleep, pushing and pulling like an endless nightmare. 

 

She can't be Factionless. 

 

Josie steps away from the punching bag once again, swiping a hand through her hair and opting to glance around the training room. All the initiates surrounding her appear to be completely exhausted from training for the day, most of them now either gone or stepped away from their punching bags and talking among each other. 

 

Her gaze lands on Hope, and of course she can't look away as the older girl is dressed in nothing but a tight black tank top and black spandex that seem to hug her hips in just the right way. She takes a long swig from her water bottle, appearing to be in conversation with Jade and Rafael as she offers a curt laugh to something her blonde friend had said.

 

Josie stares at her for quite some time before she forces herself to tear her eyes away, not wanting to look like some sort of creep.

 

Deciding to end her training for the day, Josie gathers her sweat towel and water bottle from the floor beneath her before walking across the training room towards the exit doors. She has plans for the night with Penelope, Landon, and MG. The four of them are wanting to get tattoos, so she assumes she should probably clean herself up before they all go out.

 

The brunette strides closer and closer towards the exit doors, her gaze pinned to the floor in an effort to not look at a certain auburn-haired girl, and she almost makes it all the way there until suddenly a nearby voice calls out to her.

 

A voice she definitely did not want to hear. 

 

"Hey Stiff."

 

Josie instantly tenses up at the slur, stopping dead in her tracks and turning to glare at the owner of the unwanted voice. Jed sits upon one of the many benches in the training room, shirtless and seemingly drenched in sweat. His stare feels as cold as ice to the brunette, but not as much as the wicked smirk he has plastered upon his face.

 

Maya sits right beside him, offering Josie a skeptical and rather mock smile. It's then she notices the newspaper article Jed holds within his grasp. 

 

"Kinda funny seeing you, I was actually just reading about you in the newspaper." Jed chuckles, although without a speck of true humor. Josie's brows quickly furrow, her heart beginning to race. 

 

Jed teasing tone seems to echo all around Josie, and he speaks so ridiculously loud that the brunette can feel everyone's eyes on her. She glances back, just for a moment, immediately regretting it when she spots Hope just a foot or two away from her with her arms crossed over her chest, the older girl's eyes burning holes right through Jed. 

 

"What are you talking about?" Josie barely manages to get out, and she all but whispers it. Her throat feels incredibly dry, the air surrounding her seemingly turning to flames. 

 

"Oh, you haven't heard?" Jed scoffs with a grin, raising his brows. He glances to Maya, and they snicker at each other for a spare moment. "Listen to this, you'll love it."

 

Jed raises the newspaper in front of him, holding it out dramatically as if it's some sort of prize, and begins to read aloud. "The recent transfers of Josette and Elizabeth Saltzman, the daughters of Alaric Saltzman, call in to question the soundness of Abnegation's leadership and values. What prompted them to leave?"

 

Josie forces herself to breathe in deeply as Jed's voice grows louder and louder with each word he reads off from the paper. Hot anger courses through her veins, and as much as she wants to do something to force him to shut up, she stands still in her weak state.

 

Standing from the bench with the paper still in hand, Jed continues to read, beaming effortlessly. "Perhaps the answer lies right within the corrupted ideal of the entire faction! From the theft of resources, the general incompetence, or the abuse of their children..."

 

Josie clenches her firsts tightly to her sides, wanting nothing more than to punch the smirk right off his face. 

 

"I think that's enough, Jed." Hope's voice hisses through the sudden silence, having sauntered a few inches closer to the two of them.  

 

Jed ignores Hope completely, opting to raise his brows and tilt his head in faux confusion as he continues to run his mouth. 

 

"Did they beat you... like Niklaus Mikaelson's daughter?"

 

Before Josie can blink, or even gather in her mind a single thought, Hope sprints across the short space separating her and Jed and tackles him to the ground.

 

Her speed and strength combined leaves everyone with agape mouths, as it doesn't take more than a split second before the auburn-haired girl has the boy pinned the floor, her knee dug straight into the back of his spine. She twists his left arm at an odd angle behind his back, almost as if her intention is to break it. 

 

"Get the fuck off me!" Jed practically screeches through his groans of pain. He thrashes against the ground pathetically, but can barely move against Hope's sickeningly tight grip on his arm. Josie can barely believe she has yet to hear the snapping of the boy's bones.

 

Suddenly, Jade bolts towards the two of them and snatches onto Hope's shoulders, tugging with seemingly all of her strength.

 

"Hope, stop it!" Jade yells at her sternly, but it's obvious Hope is blinded with rage for whatever her reason may be. It isn't until Rafael comes sprinting up to them, grabbing Hope from beneath her arms and lifting the older girl in the air with a firm grunt that she finally lets up from her attack. 

 

All Josie can do is stare in disbelief. Stare as Jed scrambles to his feet and all but runs out of the training room with Maya right beside him, the few remaining initiates trailing not too far behind. Stare as Hope's face lacks any sort of emotion, although she breathes deeply and heavily, gazing blankly at the floor. Stare at both Jade and Rafael as they maintain a tight grip on each of Hope's arms, sharing an appointed look with each other of something the brunette can't quite depict. 

 

"You should leave, Josie. Now." Jade mutters softly, making sudden eye contact with Josie. She swallows roughly, barely managing to nod before darting out of the training room. 

 

***

 

"Josie, come on. Just this once, and if you don't like it, you never have to do it again. I promise." 

 

Those are the words Penelope had spoken only a short time ago, and twenty minutes later Josie finds herself standing tranquilly in front of one of the multiple mirrors of The Pit's clothing shop. Josie was unaware that the Dauntless compound even had anything of that sort, until Penelope explained to her the ideal of the point system, where each member of Dauntless receives a certain amount of points to spend per month on anything they may desire. The brunette's hands skim across the black fabric of the dress hugging her hips as she notices goosebumps appear on her bare arms.

 

Penelope had practically begged on her hands and knees for Josie to try the dress on, claiming she needs to stop being such a little mouse and be more confident, but the brunette doesn't understand how wearing a tight dress does anything in her favor.

 

"Found it!" Penelope squeals, sprinting towards the mirror and smiling brightly at Josie as she holds up a black pencil. The brunette gawks at the unfamiliar item, furrowing her brows. "Eyeliner." 

 

"You aren't going to be able to make me pretty, you know." Josie can't help but laugh at her friend's excitement, and although she's weary, she holds still and keeps her eyes shut as Penelope guides the tip of the black pencil along her eyelids. It tickles at first, and somehow Josie begins to imagine standing before her family in this dress. Her stomach begins to twist at the thought. 

 

Penelope scoffs, "You are pretty, Josie. Besides, I was going for noticeable." 

 

Opening her eyes once Penelope says she's done, Josie slowly shifts her gaze towards the mirror, staring openly at her own reflection. Her heart races, goosebumps aligning her skin as if at any moment she'll be scolded for breaking the rules. It's a constant routine, to remind herself that she's no longer Abnegation, therefore she needs to break the habits the Faction instilled in her. It's like tugging a single thread from a complex work of embroidery. 

 

Josie studies her own reflection in the mirror as if it's the first time she's ever seen it, and in a way, it sort of is. The new her, at least. Her hair cascades down her shoulders in dark waves, framing her face and allowing her features to shine softer and fuller. Her dark brown orbs, once dull are now piercing as the eyeliner compliments them. 

 

"See? You're striking, Jo." Penelope boasts with a smirk, although her lip is still busted and bruised from her fight. "Don't you like it?"

 

Josie meets the raven-haired girl's gaze in the mirror, matching her smirk. Her hands opt to smooth through her hair, taking a particular interest in the flow of her brunette waves as she nods. "Yeah, I do. I... look like a different person."

 

Penelope giggles sweetly, tilting her head. "That a good thing or a bad thing?" 

 

"A good thing." Josie blurts out quickly, shaking her head as she continues to study her own reflection. "Sorry, I just... I've never been allowed to look at myself in the mirror for this long." 

 

Penelope frowns, her brows rising. "Really? Abnegation is strange sometimes, I have to tell you."

 

Josie knows if someone had said that to her just a few weeks ago, she would feel offended despite if she was always questioning herself. It's weird, openly critcizing a faction she once used to call home. Instead, it makes her laugh. It makes her feel relieved. It makes her realize just how much she feels as if she made the right choice. She bites her lip to suppress her smile, and when the brunette feels her friend grasp and interlock their hands together, she turns to look at her. 

 

"I'm glad you left." Penelope smiles softly and squeezes their fingers together in a comforting manner. "Come on, let's go meet up with the boys and transform ourselves into a couple of badasses." 

 

***

 

By the time Penelope and Josie arrive at the Dauntless tattoo parlor, Landon is already lying upon a reclined chair, nodding his head along to the beat of the music playing while a broad and muscular man with more bold ink than bare skin is drawing a spider on his forearm. The raven-haired girl drifts off from her place beside Josie to find MG, opting to join the boy flipping through picture books of tattoo designs. 

 

Josie saunters around the large parlor, taking in the artwork scattered all over the walls. These days, the only artists in society belong to Amity. Abnegation always viewed art as impractical and useless, as someone could spend their time serving others rather than appreciating it. The view of all the artwork before her makes the brunette feel as if she could get lost for hours without noticing. 

 

Skimming the tips of her fingers along the wall, Josie halts when she sees a picture of three birds in flight. The imagery of the birds briefly reminds her of Tori's tattoo. 

 

"Ravens. Beautiful, aren't they?" 

 

Josie jerks her head towards the sound of the sudden voice, blinking in surprise as she finds Tori standing before her. The woman chuckles lightly as she raises a brow in something that appears to be disbelief.

 

"Well, hello there." Tori's gaze flickers across the brunette's body for a moment. "Never thought I would see you again. It's Josette, right?"

 

"Um..." Josie shakes her head lightly. "It's Josie now, actually. Do you work here?"

 

"I do, I just volunteered to administer the aptitude tests. Other than that, I'm usually always here." Tori explains, before tilting her head in curiosity. "Josie... I recognize that name. You were the first jumper, weren't you?" 

 

Josie nods, a shy smile tugging at her lips. Something flashes in Tori's eyes at the confirmation, but it's vanished before the brunette can spare a second to muse on it. "Well done. The word spread around fast about it... it was quite Dauntless of you."

 

"Thanks." Josie mutters, shifting uncomfortably at the thought of people gossiping about her. Although it's praise, she feels as if the crowning of first jumper is where her fame begins and ends. The aptitude test drifts back into the brunette's mind, and although the thought of it sends an eerie chill down her spine, she views this moment with Tori as an opportunity. 

 

"Listen, I need to talk to you about..." Josie begins, ceasing for a short moment to peer towards Penelope and MG as they seem to playfully argue with each other about something. The brunette internally sighs, she can't possibly corner Tori now. The risk of her friends being near is threatening, surely they'd ask questions. "Um... that one thing. You know, at some time."

 

"I don't think that would be very wise." Tori mumbles almost too quietly for the brunette to hear, shaking her head all too quickly. "I helped you as much as I could during your test, and I'm sorry, but this is something you will have to go through alone." 

 

Josie gnaws at her bottom lip in deep thought. She knows for a fact that Tori has to have answers, there's no possible way that she doesn't. Her test results seemed to frighten the woman all too well for her to know nothing at all, and Josie knows that she has to find some sort of way to pry something, anything, out of the woman. 

 

"Want a tattoo?" Tori swiftly changes the subject, nodding her head towards artwork of the three birds upon the wall.

 

Picturing herself with ink adorned to her skin causes Josie to shiver for a moment, reminiscing of her family. If the brunette went through with her plan to get a tattoo, she knows it would place another wedge between herself and her family that she could never remove. Although, if her new life continues as it has been, it would soon be the least of the wedges between them. Josie remembers how Tori had mentioned her tattoo representing a fear she had overcome - a reminder of where she used to be, as well as where she is now. She wonders if maybe this could be a way for her to honor her old life as she embraces her new one. 

 

"Yes." Josie nods, smiling softly to herself more than anything. "I'd like the ravens."

 

***

 

Josie flinches in pain as the silver needle pierces through the slim flesh of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut as Tori slides a miniscule black metal hoop through the fresh wound. The woman had told her it wouldn't hurt that bad, but as her eyes begin to water against her will, the brunette curses herself for allowing Penelope to talk her into this. 

 

"All done." Tori places a hand on Josie's shoulder, sending her a soft smile when she finally opens her eyes. "One tattoo and one piercing."

 

Opting to stay lying down in the reclined chair, Josie gazes towards one of the many mirrors upon the wall of the parlor. Her reflection always manages to surprise her the more she looks at herself as of recently, but when she sees the three ravens outstretched along her collarbone, and the black metal hoop pierced through the left side of her nose, she can't help but admire it. It's quite a strange conception, managing to find bits of beauty within herself although being so unfamiliar with the imagery of the mirror. 

 

"You look gorgeous." Tori says, catching the brunette's eyes in the mirror before turning away to take her gloves off and clean up.

 

It's then that Josie notices the two of them are completely alone, as Tori's work station is in a far cut off corner away from the center of the tattoo parlor. No longer distracted by the new tattoo or piercing, the aptitude test drifts back into the brunette's mind. It's like a raincloud, except instead of a gentle downfall, it's pouring hail and blood-curdling thunder. If there was a time or place to get Tori to talk, Josie knows it has to be right then and there. 

 

"Listen..." Josie begins, finding her hands are beginning to shake. She's unsure if it's due to the adrenaline rush, or the way Tori had seemingly read her mind, the woman huffing out a sigh as she meets the brunette's eyes. "Can I just ask you-"

 

"Josie, you made a mistake choosing Dauntless."

 

That was enough to make Josie freeze, her once shaking hands stilling as they instantly grow slick. She furrows her brows, trying to determine what exactly Tori means. Her mouth opens to speak, but nothing comes out. Tori sighs again, this time etched with something resembling sympathy as she sits on the stool beside the brunette, leaning in close towards the younger girl. 

 

"They're going to find out about you here." 

 

Dread with a fineline of confusion pools within the pit of Josie's stomach as she narrows her gaze at the woman, and when she speaks, she can only whisper. "Who?"

 

"Everyone." Tori bites out harshly, her tone exasperating. "Dauntless leadership, the other initiates, the entirety of society, the people you're a threat to-" 

 

"Threat? What do you mean threat?" Josie blurts out in a fit of something she can't depict is fear or rage. She doesn't understand any of this, and anything Tori says is only frustrating her. A flash of pain causes her to peer down, only now noticing she had been fiercely digging her nails into her thighs where her dress had ridden up. 

 

"You're a threat." Tori places a hand on Josie's wrist, and the brunette notices how terrified the woman seems. Her breathing is ragged, and she glances around every so often to make sure no one is listening in on them. "You don't fit into a single faction, you fit into multiple. That means they can't control you or your mind, they view you as the most dangerous threat to society as we know it. You simply existing with divergence defys every rule and concept of the faction system."

 

Tori takes a deep breath before continuing, somehow speaking in an even lower tone than before. "My brother... he was just like you. During the second stage of training, he got good. Really good. It happened so fast that he was viewed as inhumane. On the last day of the final simulations, the Dauntless leaders were all there watching him. The next morning, we... we found his body at the bottom of the chasm. They got rid of him."

 

Josie's heart pounds relentlessly, squeezing her eyes shut as Tori's words echo through her mind. A flash of her body falling to the bottom depths of the chasm pierces her vision, and the brunette suddenly wishes she hadn't said anything at all. 

 

"Listen to me." Tori urges as she grasps Josie's wrist even tighter than before, almost pleadingly. "You can't let them find out about you. My brother wasn't the only one whose divergence led to exile."

 

Swallowing roughly, Josie only nods pathetically in Tori's direction before sliding out of the reclined chair, clutching onto it as her knees buckle beneath her. Absolutely nothing, yet everything, seems to magnify through her mind all at once, and willing herself not to throw up right then and there, she lifts her gaze from the tiled floor beneath her to meet Tori's. 

 

"Thank you for trying to help me, but I... I have to be Dauntless. I chose Dauntless. I don't... what else am I supposed to do?"

 

Tori stares at Josie for what feels like an eternity before softly shaking her head. At first, the woman doesn't say anything as she stands from the stool and strides toward an exit door a few feet away. The palm of her hand rests upon the handle of the door as she glances back at the brunette with a sympathetic smile. "All you can do now is be careful, and don't trust anyone. And for your sake... I really hope you listen to me."

 

Notes:

im not dead i swear. im not sure if ya'll still care about this or not but like here's an update.

Chapter 9

That night, Josie dreams at least three times - terrifyingly - that Penelope is subjected to hanging from the railing above the chasm once again. Eric, with his vile smirk and devilish eyes, claims that only someone who is Divergent can help her. She doesn't hesitate, doesn't even think about it, when the brunette propels herself forward to help her friend, but someone shoves her over the edge, and she only springs awake from her nightmare right before she hits the rocks. 

 

Soaked with sweat and still shaken up, Josie mopes to the girls bathroom to shower, in hopes to rid her mind of that damned dream. A prompt fifteen minutes later, fluffing and ruffling her damp hair as she walks, she halts and her heart migrates straight to her throat at the sight before her. 

 

The word Stiff is spray-painted, bold and bright and blood red, across her mattress. It's painted even small along the frame of the bed, and once more on her pillow. 

 

Josie practically jerks her entire body to spin around, her gaze yearningly searching for some sort of answer, or a culprit. She catches a sudden figure emerging from a dark corner of the bedroom, her fingers shaking and her cheeks blazing at the sight. 

 

Jed whistles as he creeps closer and closer, his thick brows raised and his hands clasped together in front of him. She catches a smile expanding his lips as he peers at her, his wide and perfectly white teeth almost taunting. It's hard to believe she could hate someone who has such a kind and charming look to him at this present moment. 

 

"Nice decorations you got there."

 

"Did I do something to you that I'm unaware of?" Josie doesn't bother to conceal her anger, not this time. She sneers at him as she practically spits the words out, grabbing one corner of the stained sheet and ripping it from her mattress with a bitter huff of air. "I don't know if your bigot brain failed to notice, but we're in the same faction now."

 

Jed shrugs lightly, yet his cold stare never ceases. It makes her want to crumble beneath it. "I'm unaware of what you're referring to, Josette. I am aware of one thing, though." He strides forward, so quietly but so loudly, peering down at the brunette with repugnance. "You and I will never be in the same faction." 

 

As Jed finally leaves the room, snickering beneath his breath, Josie grasps at her chest in an effort to ease her radically beating heart. She shouldn't get angry, she knows that. He simply wants to get a rise out of her, she knows that. She shouldn't have just received images flashing through her mind of the brunette punching Jed until he stops breathing, she knows that. 

 

"Josie?" Landon calls out tentatively, causing Josie to jump out of her skin. She hadn't even noticed he entered the room through her internal battle. The boy's gaze falls upon the bright red slur upon her pillow, his eyes bulging out as he snatches the pillow from the mattress and peels the casing off. 

 

Josie ponders on how she'll inevitably need to scrub the bedframe clean later on, while Landon gathers the remaining stained sheets and tosses them with a grunt into a nearby trashcan. 

 

"Ignore that asshole." Landon shakes his head as he softly grips Josie's wrist and leads her out of the bedroom and begins the walk to the training room. The brunette eyes the detailed inkling of the spider he got on his forearm yesterday. "He's just some idiot with nothing better to do. If you don't get angry, I'm sure he'll stop eventually."

 

"Maybe." Josie doesn't believe herself, her fingertips lifting to graze across her cheek. It's boiling hot to the touch, a blush of bitter frustration still present. She attempts to distract herself. "Have you talked to Ethan at all? After... you know."

 

She purposefully leaves out the part of admitting she had overheard him crying against his pillow in the late hours of the night, causing her to wonder how he's coping with his obvious internal struggle of shifting from Amity to Dauntless.

 

"Yeah, he's alright. He isn't mad or anything. Even though the black eye I gave him is probably bigger than my fist." Landon sighs, stressfully threading his fingers through the choppy curls upon his head. The brunette bites her lip as he lets out a quiet sniffle. "Now I'll just always be remembered as the first guy to knock someone out cold."

 

"There are worse ways to be remembered." Josie grips the boy's hand within her own, offering a comforting squeeze. "At least no one is antagonizing you."

 

"There are better ways too." Landon looks to her, his rather evergreen orbs shining in the light with something Josie can't depict, but it briefly reminds her of how Elizabeth used to openly stare at Sebastian. A sense of longing, a sense of adoration, a sense of- "Little Miss first jumper." 

 

"But, still... I don't want to do it again." Landon blinks back the tears glistening along the corners of his eyes, clearing his throat. "I really, really don't."

 

The two of them reach the double-doors of the training room, and Josie can't help but gaze towards Landon as their footsteps come to a halt. She studies each attribute of her friend's face. The green of his shining eyes. The faint freckles dotted across the bridge of his nose. The downwards slope of his pitiful frown.

 

He has such an Amity face... maybe he is too kind for Dauntless. 

 

The chalkboard is all Josie can think of when the two of them walk in the training room. Yesterday, she had gotten lucky, spared from having to fight. Knowing today she definitely will, the anticipation nearly devours her. She scans the board in search of her name, and when she sees it, her knees nearly give out from beneath her.

 

Her opponent is Jed. 

 

Of course. Why wouldn't it be?

 

"Oh, shit." Penelope breaths out in disbelief as she shuffles closely to the brunette. A deep gash on her forehead and a busted lip garnishes her face, and she appears as if she is trying not to limp. The raven-haired girl shakes her head too many times, too quickly. "Are they serious right now? They're really going to make you fight him?"

 

Josie tries not to think about it. She tries not to think about how Jed had towered over her in the initiates bedroom just moments ago, over a foot taller than her. She tries not to think about how yesterday, Jed had beat MG in less than five minutes. She tries not to picture how today, MG's face is more purple and blue than flesh-toned and seamless. She tries not to imagine herself spitting out blood as her body aches in pain. She tries not to picture her face with dark bruises, or a busted lip, or-

 

"Maybe you could just take a few hits and pretend to fall unconscious." Landon suggests, the palm of his hand grasping Josie's shoulder and giving a comforting squeeze. She finds his touch makes her flinch more than calms her down. "No one would blame you."

 

"Yeah," Josie mutters beneath her breath. "Maybe."

 

Her gaze stays pinned to her name written on the chalkboard, and she feels her whole face continuing to fume. Penelope and Landon are only trying to help, she knows this, but the fact that they don't believe, not even in the smallest sliver of their minds, that she has a chance against Jed manages to make her skin crawl. 

 

She's not even sure why that is. She doesn't even believe in herself. 

 

Standing at the side of the large gymnasium among the group, Josie only halfway listens to whatever her friends are talking about, finding she can't take her eyes away from watching Maya and Ethan fight each other. Although Maya displayed incredible strength against Penelope yesterday, Ethan is noticeably much faster than she is, making the brunette think he may claim victory today. 

 

The fight drags on, seemingly slower and slower, and Josie can't help it. She starts to grow nervous. It makes her knees wobble and the palms of her hands slick and shaky. It makes her head begin to throb and her breath jaggered. 

 

Hope had informed the initiates yesterday of the number one key to winning a fight: exploiting your opponent's weaknesses. Aside from his complete and utter lack of tolerable qualities, Jed doesn't seem to have any sort of weakness at all. He's tall and muscular enough to be quite obviously strong, he has a distasteful appreciation for other people's soft spots, he's vicious and Josie is well aware she won't be shown any mercy. 

 

That's not what she wants to say at all. She wishes she could say that Jed wholeheartedly underestimates her, but that would be such a lie that the entire faction of Candor may as well drop dead. She is just as unskilled as he suspects. Maybe Landon is right, maybe she should just take a few punches and pretend to fall unconscious. 

 

Then it hits her, she can't afford not to try. She can't bear the thought of being ranked last. 

 

By the time Maya peels herself off the ground, looking only half-conscious all thanks to Ethan, Josie's heart begins to pound so harshly she can feel it everywhere. In her head, in her fingertips, in her stomach, in her knees. She suddenly doesn't remember how to stand. She doesn't remember how to punch. She doesn't remember how to breathe. 

 

Josie forces herself to trudge one foot in front of the other, her fingernails digging deep rooted crescents into the palms of her hands. An unexpected grasp of her arm, an electrifying touch, nearly startles her ten feet into the air, until she jerks her head up and sees her. 

 

"Do you remember what I said about attack?" Hope asks ever so quickly in such a hushed tone, and the brunette can barely comprehend the question through the deafening pounding in her ears. She tries not to bite her lip at the way the older girl's orbs settle upon the three ravens beneath her collarbone, for all but a half a second. "Get in there first, jab right to the throat, and don't you dare take your eyes off him. He steps before he punches."

 

Josie just dumbly nods at the words, and just as the brunette manages to forget where the two of them are for a moment, manages to remember only the way Hope is still touching her arm and standing so closely in front of her, manages to briefely become lost within the oceans of her eyes - Hope walks away. 

 

"You alright, Stiff?" Jed cracks his knuckles and taunts Josie as she reluctantly steps onto the fighting mat, and she cowers beneath his outstare. "You look like you're about to cry. I just might go easy on you if you cry." 

 

Over the boy's all too muscular shoulder, Josie can see Hope leaning against the wall beside the chalkboard. It's only when the other girl tucks a lock of hair behind her ear that the brunette gets a real look at her face. Her brows are furrowed and her lips are pursed into a thin line, as if she just swallowed something sour. Next to her, Eric is glaring and tapping his foot faster than Josie's heartbeat. 

 

Jed simply stares right through Josie, seemingly emotionless, before his fists come up to shield his face and he bends his knees as if he's ready to pounce. Josie mirrors him as they move clockwise around the mat, and they're still staring at each other.

 

Just staring. 

 

Hope's words from before echo through Josie's mind, and she knows she has to do something. She has to act quickly to get ahead, although all she can seem to picture in her head is Jed pounding his fist against her until she stops breathing. The thought causes her head to throb, but also propels her to boldly spring forward once she's sauntered close enough to him, jolting her elbow upwards straight into his throat. 

 

Josie's lips twitch into a smirk, just for a second, when Jed gasps for air and makes a rugged choked noise at the contact of her elbow. He throws his fist at her, quite messily, as the brunette swiftly dodges it with ease. She acts on instinct and throws her leg forward to kick him in the ribs. She would have, if he hadn't caught the heel of her foot and yanked it, knocking her off balance.

 

At the noise of her back smacking against the floor, Josie thrashes to free her foot from his callous grip and scrambles to get back on her feet. She has to stay standing so he can't kick her in the head. It's the only thing she can think about. 

 

"Come on, Stiff." Jed sneers at her, practically spitting the words. "Just one little pathetic tear. Maybe some begging."

 

"What is she, a toy?" Eric snaps. Josie longs so badly to roll her eyes, but she's much too afraid to look at anything but Jed at this moment. "Get on with it!"

 

Jed's mischievous expression fades. His arm twitches and pain stabs Josie's jaw and spreads all across her face, it makes her vision black at the edges and her ears ring. She blinks, swaying and hunching over from the impact but willing herself to stay standing. She doesn't even remember seeing his fist coming right at her. 

 

A glimpse of Hope, still leaning against the wall with her arms crossed tightly to her chest, causes Josie to remember advice she's supposed to be taking. Somehow, in some weird way, she musters up the energy to dart to the side when Jed throws a punch. She launches herself forward to snatch his wrist and takes the chance to twist his arm behind his back, just like she had the pleasure of watching Hope do once. 

 

Using her other arm to wrap around his skull, Josie hauls her knee to his throat as he doubles over. She jabs and jabs and jabs her knee into the flesh of his throat until she remembers how small - how weak - she is compared to him. He snatches an arm out of her grip and practically lifts her whole body into the air with it, flinging her across the fighting mat as if she's made of air. 

 

In this moment, she sort of is made of air. Or at least that's just how lifeless Josie feels when Jed sprints at her crumpled body, thrashing his foot hard into her stomach. The contact forces all the remaining breath from her lungs and it hurts. It hurts so badly and she can no longer breathe. 

 

She just has to get up. She just has to get on her feet.

 

She tries. She tries to push herself up but Jed is already standing there as if he has magical powers, and he grabs Josie's hair with one hand and punches her square in the nose with the other. This pain is different. It's less like a stab and more like a crackle. It resounds through her brain, spotting her vision with a multitude of different colors. 

 

Josie tries to shove him off, her hands grabbing onto the hem of Jed's shirt and her legs swinging up from the mat in an effort to hopefully kick him, until his fist flies and punches her again. This time it's in her ribs, and her face feels wet as a crimson liquid drips down and a metal taste fills her mouth. Bloody nose. She coughs, spitting the red liquid across the mat in front of her, the sight of it making her stomach churn.

 

The pain is all Josie can think of, but she forces herself to cast her fist forward in a swift motion, punching Jed in the jaw. He barely groans and smacks the brunettes ear with the flat of his palm, laughing under his breath. Josie can barely hear it over the ringing of her ears as she tries to blink some of the black patches from her vision.

 

When did something get in her eye?

 

With her face pressed down against the mat beneath her, Josie manages to shift her gaze upwards and finds a familiar head of auburn hair moving. Hope shoves the doors to the training room open and walks out. The brunette, through her immense pain, somehow manages to scoff. At least, she tries to, it comes out more like a broken sigh.

 

Apparently this fight isn't interesting enough for Hope, or maybe she's going to find out why everything's spinning like a caraousel, and Josie decides she doesn't blame her - she'd like to know the answer too. 

 

The mat feels incredibly cool against the hot flesh of Josie's cheek. It's almost a sense of comfort, a bittersweet relief through the burning, scorching pain that vibrates her entire being.

 

Something slams into Josie's ribs, and she screams for the first time. The first time in her life. It's a high-pitched and blood-curdling screech that belongs to someone else and definitely not her.

 

Something slams into her ribs, again and again and again.

 

Someone shouts from close by, "Enough!" and Josie finds she can no longer see anything at all. 

 

***

 

When Josie manages to finally wake up, she finds she feels everything and nothing all at once. Her eyes barely flutter open, opting to shut tightly once again as an orange tinted light momentarily blinds her. She tries to look again, only opening one eye while the other stays closed - as if it's glued that way. She finds herself laying in an unfamiliar bed.  

 

Pain erupts through her body all at once as if a switch was flipped. It feels as if her lungs are on fire and she tries to cough - a strangled noise escaping her lips. She tries to inhale a deep breath - it catches in her throat and she ends up choking on air. 

 

"Is her eye already black?" 

 

Josie peers with one eye in front of her as the voice sounds fuzzy and unclear, a faint ringing in her ears taking over her mind for a moment until it sharply disappears. Towards the right side, she finds MG and Landon. In front of her, Penelope is sitting on the bed with a hand grazing the brunette's leg, the other holding an icepack to her own jaw. The raven-haired girl has a medical bandage across the bridge of her nose.

 

"What happened to your face?" Josie finds her voice hoarse and cracked when she speaks, like it isn't even hers. A sharp pain shoots through her lips as they move with each word. 

 

Penelope giggles, cocking a brow as she squeezes the brunette's leg. "Look who's talking. Should we get you an eyepatch? You look awful."

 

"Well, I already know what happened to my face." Josie boasts, swallowing roughly. "I was there. Sort of."

 

"Did you just make a joke, Jo?" MG cackles, grinning as he leans forward from the chair he sits in. "We should get you on painkillers more often if you're gonna start cracking jokes. Oh, and to answer your question - I beat her up."

 

"I can't believe you couldn't beat MG." Landon laughs, shaking his head. Josie notices how his gaze stays pinned on her though, the glint in his eyes familiar. "You almost had him, too."

 

"Yeah, well... he happens to be good." Penelope shrugs, rolling her eyes. "I think I've finally learned how to stop losing, though. I just need people to stop punching me in my nose." 

 

"You know, you'd think you would have figured that out already." MG winks at her, a smirk fixing his lips. "Now I realize why you aren't Erudite. Not too bright up there, huh?"

 

"How are you feeling, Jo?" Landon asks gently, interrupting the playful banter that could've gone on for hours. His gaze is soft as his fingers reach out to tenderly stroke Josie's shoulder, like she's made of glass. "Are you okay?"

 

"Yeah," Josie nods, although the pounding in her temple intensifies at the movement. She grasps her forehead as if to ease it in some way. "just wish I could stay here forever so I never have to look at Jed again."

 

Except, she's not for sure where here is. It's a large narrow room with a dimmed orange light hanging from the ceiling, rows of beds cladded with white pillows and sheets on either side. The beds have curtains instilled between them, and in a far corner of the room is a desk with a computer and medical supplies on high shelves behind it. The brunette realizes this must be some sort hospital infirmary - where Dauntless members go when they're sick or injured.

 

The first time Josie ever went to a hospital, she was eight years old. Her and Elizabeth were playing outside of their house when she had suddenly tripped and fallen over a steep crack in the sidewalk, breaking her arm. The brunette had wailed in pain, but her sister just ran quickly inside to get their mother without saying a word. During the hospital visit, an Amity woman had set her bone back in place while the bright smile the woman wore never ceased. 

 

She remembers Elizabeth comforting her when they arrived home, her sister telling her that it would only take a month for her arm to mend, because it was only a hairline fracture. The brunette thought at the time that her sister was reassuring her, because that's what selfless people do, but now she begins to wonder if her sister was repeating something she had studied - if all her Abnegation tendencies were just purely Erudite traits in disguise. 

 

"Don't worry about Jed." MG says, alluring the brunette from her thoughts. "You never have to fight the same person twice."

 

"One of us needs to finally beat his ass, he deserves nothing less." Penelope snickers before glancing down at the watch upon her wrist. "I think we're missing dinner. Do you want us to stay with you, Jo?" 

 

Josie shakes her head. "I'm fine. You guys go ahead." 

 

Penelope and MG rise from where they're seated, expecting Landon to follow them but he just waves them off with a nod. When he rises and sits beside the brunette on the hospital bed, a sweet familiar smell of hazelnut fills the air surrounding her. It's his natural smell, it always manages to comfort her in some odd way, alike her sister's natural scent of lavender used to do.

 

"I just wanted to tell you that you missed Hope's announcement. We're all going on a field trip tomorrow, to the fence outside the city, to learn more about Dauntless jobs for after initiation is over. The train leaves tomorrow morning by eight o'clock." 

 

Josie nods before deciding to allow her eyes to rest for a moment. "Okay."

 

"And don't listen to Penelope. Your face doesn't look bad. I mean, it looks good - you always look good. I mean - uh... you look brave. Dauntless." 

 

Josie blinks her eyes open in shock at his words, her gaze shifting from the gentle smile painted across his face to the way he nervously scratches the back of his neck. Her stomach twists in discomfort as the silence grows loud between them. It was a sweet thing to say, but the brunette isn't stupid - she knows that the words meant more to him. It was more so a confession than a compliment.

 

However, she hopes that she is wrong. She imagines herself being attracted to Landon, and the thought nearly makes her cackle with laughter. She could never be attracted to someone so fragile, someone who is the complete opposite of someone else she manages to picture in her mind. 

 

"Um... I should let you rest." Landon coughs out, his lips once upturned switching into a frown. Josie smiles at him as much as her aching face will allow, hoping it helps to diffuse the obvious tension, but she grabs his wrist before he can step away from the bed. 

 

"Landon, are you okay?" Josie asks, studying him carefully as he stares blankly at her. "I mean, is it getting any easier?" 

 

"Uh..." Landon's voice cracks, his boots shifting back and forth on the tiled floor. His cheeks flush a bright pink as he shrugs. "A little, I guess."

 

Josie hadn't been able to sleep well last night - the chilling nightmare of Penelope hanging over the chasm again and the brunette exposing her divergence inhabiting her mind instead. She was already worried about Landon's rather upset state after his fight with Ethan, the boy seemingly struggling to grasp the concept of his victory and his capability of how easily he can hurt others. Through her trouble of falling asleep between the reoccuring nightmare, all she could hear among soft breathing of sleeping initiates was painful whimpers and gasps of breath through tears, coming straight from Landon's bed beside hers. 

 

It makes her question just how he ended up in Dauntless - when he so clearly shines with Amity. 

 

Landon jerks his wrist free, shoving it into the pocket of his black jacket. The question must have triggered some immense embarrassment, as Josie finds it difficult to recall ever seeing her friend so red in the face before. If she spent her nights sobbing into her pillow, she guesses she would be a little embarrassed too if someone happened to hear her. 

 

"Penelope and I fought, and I lost to her. After your fight with Jed." Landon sighs, clearing his throat. "I let her hit me a few times, and then I fell down and stayed there. I just figured that since I beat Ethan, if I lose all the rest, I shouldn't be ranked last... and I won't have to hurt anyone anymore."

 

"Is that really what you want?" Josie furrows her brows at the way his eyes refuse to meet hers, not even for a second.

 

Landon only stares at the white sheet covering the brunette's body, and he hesitates before he finally responds. "I just can't do it. I can't. Maybe that means I'm a coward, or I'm pathetic, or-"

 

"Just because you don't want to hurt people doesn't mean you're a coward." Josie cuts him off, her tone pleading for him to look at her, and he does. For a moment, they're both still as statues, just gazing at each other. The brunette hopes she sounds sympathetic enough, despite everything, she still wants to be his friend. She doesn't want to see him fail.

 

Landon green orbs shine with pain, his chest heaving with a sigh. "You think our families will visit us? I heard that transfer families rarely come on Visiting Day."

 

Josie blinks at the question, realizing she had forgotten about the said day approaching soon. She tries to imagine her mother and father stepping foot into the Dauntless compound to visit her, and her heart stings when she can't seem to picture it. "I don't know. I'm not sure if it would be a good thing or a bad thing even if they did."

 

"Bad, I think." Landon nods as he blurts out the words all too quickly. "Yeah, definitely bad. It's already hard enough." He nods again, as if to confirm the thought to himself, and he doesn't spare another word before walking out of the infirmary. 

 

It's less than a week away, the day that Abnegation initiates will be given the chance to see their families for the first time since the Choosing Ceremony. They'll be able to walk into their old homes and sit in their living rooms - talk and smile with their parents for the first time in a new light, as adults. Josie used to look forward to that day, she used to ponder what she would say to her mother and father when she was actually allowed to ask questions at the dinner table. 

 

On that same day, the Dauntless-born initiates and members will be able to find their families in The Pit, or in other buildings of the compound, and do whatever it is that the Dauntless do when their families come together in reunion. Maybe they take turns throwing knives at each other's heads - the thought makes the brunette internally laugh.

 

The transfer initiates with forgiving parents will be able to see them again too. After her father's tears of pure outrage at the Choosing Ceremony, Josie knows her parents will not come to see her. Not just because of her betrayal, but her sisters as well.  

 

If only Josie could have told her parents she was Divergent, and she was confused and lost about what to choose, maybe they would have understood. Maybe they could have helped her figure out what it means, or why she is supposedly dangerous. 

 

Josie clenches her teeth as hot tears fill her vision, shutting her eyes tightly as anger causes her hands to shake. It's all she can feel, even overpowering every ache in her bruised body. She's sick of feeling so small and weak, so confused and outcasted among everyone else. 

 

She manages to drift off to sleep after a while. Even through her aching bones, even through her pounding headache of despair. She senses she wasn't asleep very long when her eyes flutter open at one moment, as the tears from earlier are splotched dew-like across her bruised face. The brunette slips out from the hospital bed, her body writhing in pain with almost every step she takes to find her way back to the initiate dormitory. She doesn't care, though. Not in the slightest. 

 

The only thing worse than Jed beating her straight into a hospital bed, would be allowing him to put her there overnight.

 

Notes:

slow burn asf for hosie, sorry not sorry.

Chapter 10

The next morning, Josie doesn't hear the alarm. She doesn't hear the groaning or grumbling of the other initiates as they rise from slumber, the shuffling feet or motion of movement, the short and silent conversations as they get dressed. The brunette only manages to finally peer her eyes open as Penelope shakes her shoulder with one hand and lightly taps her fingers along her cheek with the other. 

 

"Come on, Jo. Up and at 'em."

 

Through the prolonged hours of the night, Josie had finally fallen asleep after tossing and turning her aching body at least a hundred times, only for her mind to conjure up a nightmare of Jed tying her to a chair in the middle of The Pit and demanding her to admit she was Divergent.

 

She denied quickly - profusely - but Jed only punched and kicked at her until she admitted it. 

 

Josie tries to pry her bruised jaw open to reply to Penelope, but all that comes out is a choked groan. Her body aches so badly that she can barely lure oxygen into her lungs, and it doesn't help that last night's bout of crying had made her eyes practically swell shut. 

 

Penelope sighs as she holds out her hand, and Josie can feel the other girl's burning gaze studying every bruise along her body as she takes the raven-haired girl's hand and slides out of the bed.

 

The clock on the wall by the restrooms reads eight o'clock. The initiates are supposed to be at the tracks by eight-fifteen. 

 

"I'll run and grab us some breakfast, you just... get ready. It seems like it may take you a minute." Penelope grins, although her eyes shine with sympathy. 

 

Josie grunts in response, trying her hardest not to bend at the waist as she fumbles through the drawer under her bed for clean clothes. It takes her a moment, but she grabs a pair of black tights with a matching long-sleeve before ever so carefully standing from the ground.

 

Luckily, Jed isn't anywhere nearby to taunt her as she struggles - the brunette is the only one left in the dormitory. 

 

Although the room is empty, Josie grips her clothes in one hand and holds the cavern-like wall with the other as she strides towards the restroom. She slowly peels off her t-shirt, her bare side patched with bruises just beneath her ribcage catching her attention.

 

For a second, the colors mesmerize her - bright purple with extended streaks of blue and green. She never pictured her usual tan skin to ever be so bright in color before. 

 

Josie changes into her fresh clothes as quickly as she can, allowing her brunette waves to hang loose around her shoulders - she can't muster up enough energy to lift her arms to tie it into a ponytail. Rubbing her fingers along the cuffs of the long-sleeve shirt when she pulls it on, she glances into the mirror to find a stranger. 

 

The figure in the reflection is simply unrecognizable. It has dark brown hair like Josie, framing the similar narrow face she has, but that is where the similarities end. Josie doesn't have perfectly hollowed cheeks clattered with a few scratch marks, or a disgustingly black eye. She doesn't have a bruised jaw, or a busted lip that seems to quiver. 

 

That couldn't possibly be her - yet, the figure moves when she moves. 

 

Josie tears her gaze away from the mirror before trudging out of the restroom. She sits on her unmade bed, staring with a burning hatred at her untied boots when she hears Penelope jog back into the dormitory.

 

She doesn't say anything as her friend strides closer, only maintaining her glare at the shoelaces. She thinks about how she'll be forced to bend over in order to tie them - she thinks about the inevitable fire of pain that will pierce every inch of her skin in doing so. 

 

Penelope holds out a blueberry muffin in front of Josie, waiting until the brunette grasps it with careful fingers before the other girl crouches down and starts to tie the shoelaces of her boots.

 

It's at that simple gesture that gratitude seems to take the place of aching pain, surging through Josie's chest with a warmth similar to the sun. She wonders if just maybe, there is a little Abnegation in everyone, even if they don't realize it. 

 

Well - in everyone except Jed. 

 

"Thank you." Josie mumbles after swallowing the last bits of her muffin, her tongue flickering across her busted lip before smiling tenderly.

 

"Well, we would definitely be late if you tried to tie them yourself and then Hope might just beat both of our asses." Penelope snickers, holding out a hand for the brunette to help guide her off the bed. "That being said, we should get going." 

 

Josie ignores the way her legs ache with every step she takes striding across The Pit, and she tries to control her ragged breathing as her and Penelope climb the lengthy staircase that leads to the rooftop exit. Every thump of her boots against the ground sends a direct bullet of pain through her ribs. She bites on the inside of her cheek to keep from whimpering. 

 

The two girls make it to the tracks just as the train arrives, the blare of the horn cutting through the atmosphere. 

 

"What took you so long? I was getting worried." Landon shouts over the blasting horn, his eyes bulging at the two of them. 

 

"Jo was caught in a daydream of beating up her shoelaces." Penelope giggles, her fists pumping the air in front of her in a fake reenactment. 

 

"Pretending the laces to your boots are Jed's face, huh?" MG cackles, his arms crossing his chest as he studies the brunette in amusement.

 

Josie shakes her head at the two of them, only partially joking when she mutters, "Oh, shut up."

 

Hope stands at the front of the pack of initiates, her boots planted into the gravel so close to the traintracks that if she shifted even an inch, the train might practically snatch up the auburn-haired girl with it as it comes to a halt. She grabs the handle on the side of an entryway and pulls herself inside with a single swift step, gesturing for the initiates to follow her. 

 

MG takes the initiative, hoisting himself up into the train with a little difficulty. He lands flat on his stomach before dragging his long legs in behind him with a lack of grace. 

 

After Penelope climbs inside with a little more ease than expected, Josie strides towards the train car and grabs onto the handle. She winces, gritting her teeth in preparation - she knows lifting her body to get inside is going to hurt more than she pleases.

 

Landon suddenly grabs her beneath her arms and lifts her onto it as if she's weightless. Pain radiates through her torso at the unexpected motion, only lasting for a few seconds. 

 

Josie catches the way Jed smirks at her - wicked and foul. A blush spreads across the brunette's cheeks at the sight. Landon was only trying to be nice and help her, so of course she smiles at him thankfully, but she wishes he wasn't nice. She wishes that he didn't just help her in front of everyone.

 

It only furthers Jed's supply of ammunition against her. 

 

"Feeling alright?" Jed asks, and if Josie didn't know any better, she would think he truly sounded sympathetic. He only smiles mockingly, a taunting arch of his brows present. "Or are you a little... Stiff?"

 

Josie shudders as Jed bursts out laughing at his own joke, and he only intensifies rather annoyingly when Maya joins in with him. It's an ugly laughter, with choked breathing and shaking shoulders and vicious teeth on display. 

 

"We are all in awe of your incredible wit." MG spits out at the boy, leaning back against the wall of the train car as it begins to move.

 

"Yeah, are you sure you shouldn't have just stayed in Erudite, Jed?" Penelope scoffs with a vile glare. "I hear they don't object to pathetic assholes like you."

 

Hope stands in the entryway of the train car, crossing her arms with a huff and speaking with venom before Jed can retort. "Am I seriously going to have to listen to your obnoxious bickering all the way to the fence?"

 

Rolling her eyes, Hope turns away from the now still and shell-shocked pack of initiates. She holds the handles on either side of the train car's opening, her arms stretched out and her body leaning forward outside of the train while her boots stay planted inside. The howling wind thrashes her auburn locks in a multitude of directions, but it doesn't seem to bother her. 

 

Josie tries to tear her gaze away from the instructor, but every few seconds her eyes manage to shift right back onto her. The brunette isn't sure what she's expecting, if anything, but she finds that she can only stare longingly at the auburn-haired girl even without thinking. 

 

"What do you think is out there?" Josie turns towards Penelope in an attempt of distracting her wandering eyes. The raven-haired girl knits her brows in confusion. "Beyond the fence, I mean."

 

Penelope shrugs, humming shortly. "Probably just more farms, I guess." 

 

"Yeah, but I mean... past the farms, you know? What are we even guarding the city from?"

 

"Monsters." Penelope gasps, widening her eyes in faux horror to which Josie only rolls her own.

 

"We didn't even have guards surrounding the fence until a few years ago." MG perks up, knitting his brows as if he's in deep thought. "Remember when Dauntless police used to actively patrol the factionless sector?"

 

Josie nods, also reminiscing on the fact that her father was one of those among the council who voted to rid Dauntless out of the factionless sector of the city. He declared that the poor didn't need policing - they needed help, and Abnegation could give it to them.

 

She decides to not mention that fact of the matter, though. It's only one of the many things that Erudite concludes as evidence of Abnegation's incompetence of the governing faction. 

 

"Oh, wait. Nevermind." MG shrugs. "I bet you probably saw them all the time."

 

"What do you mean?" Josie bristles, maybe a little too sharply. 

 

"Well, didn't you have to pass the factionless sector to get to school every morning?"

 

"Did you memorize a map of the city for fun or something?" Penelope gawks at the boy.

 

"Um... yes." MG peers at her, tilting his chin. "Didn't you?"

 

The conversation halts just as the train suddenly does the same, the sound of the brakes squealing cutting through the air. Josie gazes around as she follows Hope and the other initiates out of the train, lowering herself to the grass with a steady grip on one of the metal handles. The dilapidated buildings of the city are long gone, replaced with tall yellow fields. 

 

In front of the pack is a chain-link fence that reaches tall above them with barbed wire strung along the top. When Josie steps forward, she notices that it seems to stretch farther out than she can see, perpendicular to the horizon.

 

Milling around by the fence are Dauntless guards sauntering about, guns clasped to their side. The brunette gazes beyond the wiring of the fence to find swarms of redwood trees accompanied with a few stray ponds of water. 

 

"Follow me." Hope announces, leading the pack of initiates towards the gate.

 

Josie follows suit as they all walk closely behind the instructor, and she opts to stay side by side with Penelope.

 

She doesn't want to admit it, not even to herself, but she feels calmer when she's near the raven-haired girl. She knows if Jed happened to taunt her at any given moment, her friend would more than willingly defend her.

 

It's a shameful moment, Josie knows. She shouldn't be such a coward and allow Jed's ignorant insults to bother her, she should be focusing more on improving her combat skills and not so much on how awfully she performed yesterday.

 

She should be willing, if not able, to defend herself all on her own rather than relying on other people to do it for her. 

 

"If you don't rank within the top five at the end of your initiation, there's a chance you may end up here." Hope says as they approach the gate. "Once you're a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not a lot. You could possibly go on patrols beyond Amity farms, but-"

 

"Patrols for what purpose?" MG calls out.

 

Hope arches a brow at the interruption, rolling her shoulders back and answering after a long still moment. "I suppose you'll find that out if you happen to be among them. As I was saying - for the most part, those who guard the fence when they're young continue to guard the fence when they're older. Some find it comforting and insist that it isn't as bad as it seems."

 

"What rank were you?" Jed asks, and for a moment, Josie ponders if he'll go on to make another one of his infamous sexist remarks. She doesn't even think Hope will bother to answer his question for that exact reason. 

 

Hope narrows her gaze levelly at Jed, staring at him for a few seconds before she finally claims, "I was first."

 

"So you ranked first, yet you chose to do this?" Jed scoffs, but he peers at the instructor with such wonderment. "Why didn't you get a government job?"

 

"Didn't want one." Hope seems to spit the words out, shaking her head as she turns away from the boy.

 

Josie remembers what Hope had mentioned on the first day about how she works in the control room, where the Dauntless monitor the city's security. It's a little difficult to imagine her there, surrounded by high-end technology and data.

 

In Josie's opinion, Hope seems to fit so well in the training room. 

 

The initiates had already learned about faction jobs in school, and Dauntless have seemingly limited options. They could guard the fence or work for the security of the city. They could work within the Dauntless compound as tattoo artists, or work in groups of designing weapons. They could also work within leadership, given their worthiness proven by their rankings. 

 

Hope takes a moment to converse with two of the Dauntless guards as they busy themselves with opening the doors to the gate, which are twice as tall as them and a multitude of times wider.

 

A truck slowly drifts through the new opening, the older man driving it wearing a sunhat and a warmhearted smile. The bed of the truck is open, a few Amity boys sitting among it holding crates of apples in their laps. 

 

"Josette?"

 

At the sound of her name - her old name - Josie's neck stings with pain as she jerks her head in the direction of the voice, finding an Amity boy from the back of the truck making his way right towards her. He's wearing a gray button-up and a pair of blue jeans. He has floppy brunette hair and a familiar jawline. 

 

It's Sebastian. 

 

Josie tries to concentrate, tries to recall a memory of him from the Choosing Ceremony, but her mind fuzzes over and the only thing she can hear is the beating of her heart in her ears. She wonders who else she used to know that transferred from her old faction and abandoned their families.

 

If Abnegation is flatlining, she can't help but think it's all their fault - Sebastian's and Elizabeth's and Josie's. It's her fault, it's her fault, it's her-

 

Sebastian folds Josie within his arms, tightening his hold along her waist and causing her to stiffen like bricks. Only in Amity do people hug each other as a form of greeting one another. 

 

Josie doesn't dare move a muscle until he releases her from his grip, and when he does, his bright smile briskly fades as he peers down at her. "Josette, what happened to you? What happened to your face?"

 

"Nothing." Josie blurts out, her gaze flickering around in avoidance and landing on anything but him. "It's just training... it's really nothing. So, Amity, huh? I would have never thought you would transfer there."

 

Sebastian purses his lips, his eyes widening as he studies the brunette closely. He seems to look at her as if at any moment she will break. "I could say the same to you."

 

"Surprise." Josie deadpans, not quite appreciating his state of awe. She doesn't understand the big deal, she doesn't understand why the boy towering over her seems to stare as if she's out of her mind. 

 

"It's just..." Sebastian's mouth flaps open and closed a few times, as if he's debating his next choice of words. "I mean, Dauntless? You and Elizabeth were the nicest girls I knew before we transferred. Dauntless just... doesn't seem like you. They don't seem like nice people." 

 

"Sure, some of them aren't, but you really shouldn't stereotype everyone just because of their faction. You don't even know them. You don't even-" 

 

Sebastian grasps Josie's shoulder with his palm in a way she figures is supposed to be comforting, but she only wants to smack it away when he interrupts her. "You could go home, maybe. If you wanted. Alaric is on the council, I'm sure Abnegation would make an exception for you." 

 

"What makes you think I want to go home?" Josie bites out in a haste, her cheeks blazing. "You think I can't handle myself or something? I'm doing just fine. I don't-"

 

"It isn't that, Josette. Listen to me." Sebastian shakes his head, seemingly unphased by the brunette's momentary outburst. "It isn't that you can't handle it, it's that you shouldn't have to... you should be happy. And in my opinion, you look anything but happy."

 

"This is what I chose, Sebastian. I'm Dauntless. I don't know why you find that so hard to believe." Josie shifts her gaze past the boy's shoulder at a sudden motion, finding the Dauntless guards have finished examining the truck and the man in the sunhat is seating himself behind the wheel.

 

"Besides..." She shrugs. "being happy isn't my only goal in life."

 

"Wouldn't it be easier if it was, though?"

 

Before Josie even has time to process the rhetorical question, Sebastian squeezes her shoulder in a goodbye and turns around to walk back towards the truck. As he hoists himself inside the bed, a blonde Amity girl with a guitar in her lap begins to strum the instrument. The truck starts forward, carrying along the guitar sounds and different Amity voices away. 

 

As Sebastian waves to her in the distance, and she stands off alone from the rest of the initiates, Josie begins to imagine another possible life in her mind's eye.

 

It's a powerful force, and she can't help but to picture herself in a sundress, sitting in the back of the blue truck with a few other Amity boys or girls. She can picture herself singing, or even playing the guitar herself, or climbing trees and picking apples. Always peaceful and kind, always safe and sound. She isn't sure if she hates the thought or not. 

 

Through her conversation with Sebastian and distracted imagination, Josie hadn't noticed that Hope had already made her way to be all but a few feet away from the brunette. She hadn't noticed the frown upon the older girl's lips or the way her blue eyes lack the usual bright glaze. She hadn't noticed that as soon as she was alone, Hope didn't hesitate to come even closer. 

 

"I'm beginning to worry you have a knack for making unwise choices."

 

The sudden voice causes Josie to whip her head around, finding Hope standing right in front of her, an unsettling expression painted across her face.

 

"It was a maybe two minute conversation..." Josie avoids eye contact with the instructor, crossing her arms against her chest as if to somehow shrink herself into the ground. 

 

"I don't think a shorter time frame makes it any less unwise." Hope furrows her brows, her hand suddenly lifting and allowing her fingertips to graze Josie's bruised eye. The brunette's breath catches in her throat at the contact and she flinches, but the older girl's hand stays in place.

 

"You're fast, you know. If you would just attack first and get a few good hits in before your opponent knows what's going on, you could easily win."

 

"I did attack first." Josie scoffs, her venomous tone causing Hope's hand to quickly retract from the brunette's face. "I tried to win that fight, maybe if you didn't leave the room halfway through, you would've seen that." 

 

Hope sighs, shaking her head for a brief moment. "It wasn't exactly something I wanted to watch." 

 

Before Josie can process what the words Hope had spoken could even mean, the older girl clears her throat and tears her gaze away. "The next train is here. Time to go, Josie."

 

Chapter 11

Notes:

TRIGGER WARNING:

mention of suicide, domestic abuse/violence, alcoholism. please be kind to yourself.

this chapter is extra long and starts with a flashback from chapter 8, starting from when hope attacked jed and got pulled off by jade and rafael. and it'll then continue to dive straight into hope's past, probably taking up the whole chapter. hopefully it makes sense, it will reveal some key details for hope's background. also long time no see sorry my writers block lasted a literal year, but here's an update if anyone still cares ab this fic lmao.

 

Red.

 

Burning, scorching hot, red. 

 

It's all Hope can see, all she can hear or taste. It's all she can feel. Her body shakes and convulses within the tight hold Jade and Rafael have on each of her arms. It may be a good thing despite what she truly wants. She knows if her friends hadn't grabbed her, the familiar rage would have completely blinded her with no sense of an ending. 

 

"You should leave, Josie. Now." 

 

Hope can feel Jade speak the words, but the sound of her friend's voice is muffled. A sharp ringing radiates through the auburn-haired girl's skull, and she squeezes her eyes shut to relieve the pain as she takes a few deep breaths to calm down. 

 

Inhale. One, two, three. Exhale. 

 

Inhale. One, two, three. Exhale. 

 

Inhale. One, two-

 

"What the fuck was that, Hope?" Jade practically screams. Hope opens her glossy eyes to find her friends now standing in front of her, gawking at her as if she's gone completely mad.

 

Rafael holds more of a subtle and perhaps worrisome gaze, while Jade looks about two seconds from smacking her. 

 

Finding herself empty of any response, Hope shrugs and rubs at her knuckles, an old nervous tick of hers. She can't think of anything to say, at least nothing appropriate for the circumstances. 

 

What was she supposed to do - allow the sorry excuse for a top initiate to openly speak about her father? About what he did to her? All the pain and torture and suffering all wrapped into the solidity of abandonment?

 

She'd rather die than hear anything of the sort. 

 

"You're just gonna shrug, seriously?" Jade smirks with a bitter underlining. She takes a deep breath, presumably to swallow any wrong choice of words, before she fixes Hope with a stern gaze. "You can't just attack the initiates like that, Hope. You almost broke his fucking arm!" 

 

That statement manages to make Hope giggle softly beneath her breath, much to Jade's dismay who just rolls her eyes when she hears it. Admittedly, she does favor teasing the blonde from time to time, though she knows in a serious confrontation such as this, damaging their friendship is the last thing she needs. She can't bear the thought of being subjected to any more loss. 

 

"Tell me - what would Marcel and Eric even do if I did? Kick out a first class Dauntless soldier for doing something they've done hundreds of times? I don't think so." 

 

"That's not the point!" Jade bites out, her tone slicing through the air and echoing from the walls.

 

From the blonde's expression of pure and utmost anger, Hope feels as if she should be afraid or at the least regretful of her actions. She isn't, though.

 

Not in the slightest. 

 

After a stretched moment of solitary silence, Jade sighs and rubs at her temples before fixing Hope with a certain gaze. It looks like pleading, with a fine line of sympathy. It almost makes Hope want to scream - all the unwanted attention enveloping her like nails being hammered into her skin.

 

"Look, you've gotta help me out here, Hope. You've been really hateful and aggressive recently, and too quiet. Sure, you're normally all those things all the time, but it's been at an extreme level lately and Raf and I know something's up with you. You're not yourself. But, you haven't talked to either of us and we're worried, okay?" 

 

Jade and Rafael exchange some sort of look with each other, something Hope can't depict, and she feels like throwing up - or crying, or both. She hadn't realized this was some weird fucking intervention.

 

"Hope, you don't have to tell us everything if you don't want to, okay? We just want to know if you're alright." Rafael steps forward and places a hand on the auburn-haired girl's shoulder, massaging lightly. She flinches at first, opting to avoid the boy's piercing gaze. "I mean, what made you attack that kid in the first place?"

 

Hope bristles at the question. She was longing to avoid any sort of questioning to her actions within the last ten minutes - she knows that was next to impossible, but still. How is she supposed to try and explain herself with some sort of semi-logical lie?

 

Only the truth could justify what she just did, and the thought of allowing those words to ever come out of her mouth is enough to slicken her palms and grow weak in the knees. 

 

Jed was already on Hope's radar for not only being a cocky, sexist, egotistical waste of her time, but also for his continuous targeting upon a certain brunette girl who seems to be inhabiting her vision and thoughts more often than not recently. 

 

Josie. There's something so captivating about those chocolate doe eyes and pouty lips and unknowing charisma the girl just beams with so perfectly - so effortlessly. She doesn't even know it. Of course she's gorgeous, only an idiot would argue with that, but Hope sees something else in her, too.

 

There's a fire behind those eyes. There's drive, and passion. There's bravery. Maybe no one else can see it right now, but Hope notices. It's all she can see when she looks at the girl. 

 

Hope wonders if Josie remembers the first time they crossed paths in school. It was three years ago, when Hope was fifteen and Josie was thirteen. She remembers it - remembers Josette - like it was yesterday. If only she had the confidence to actually talk to the brunette outside of training her, she could know if the girl remembers it, too. 

 

"So, what is it then?" Jade asks, pulling Hope from a distracted daze. The blonde looks impatient, crossing her arms over chest. "Was it all because of Josie? Because all I can come up with is that you have a little crush on your trainee and wanted to play superhero." 

 

"Jade..." Rafael warns.

 

"Drop it." Hope growls.

 

She's not sure where Jade's confidence to pry is coming from, but it's gotten old just as quickly as it suddenly began. Usually, her friends know not to probe their way into Hope's personal thoughts or feelings unless she shares with them willingly.

 

The fact that Jade is beginning to open her mouth to make another smart-ass comment once again is beyond Hope, but ultimately pushes her forward to end the nonsense. 

 

"Am I wrong? Because from what I-"

 

"I'm done with this conversation." Hope doesn't spare a second glance at either of her friends before storming out of the gymnasium, heat reaching her ears and ragged breaths escaping her lips. 

 

The stomping of Hope's combat boots ring through her ears. Red drips from the walls through her blurred vision. She can't see anything but her anger - it's burning into her skin, leaving scars in the form of questions. 

 

Why is it she can never escape her past?

 

Despite all of her efforts, it's done nothing but follow her. Some instances in the form of whispers, others in catastrophic cries. 

 

Hope can't think of anything else but the urge to scream, and get away from everyone else as quickly as possible. Her mindless steps occur until finally the roaring waterfall of the chasm cuts through the ringing in her ears, and she lifts her gaze from beneath her to find she's thankfully alone.

 

Funny.

 

Allowing her fingertips to graze the wet railing before sliding down, Hope settles upon the edge of the jagged rocks below her, across from the waterfall. Her legs dangle off the edge towards the dark abyss, and she rubs at her knuckles, a few droplets of the ferocious water stream splashing against her cheek. 

 

Flashes of familiar faces of Hope's past spiral about her vision when she closes her eyes.

 

Some stay longer than others against her will, and it isn't long until all that corrupts her mind is dirty blonde hair and dark blue eyes. A navy colored suit. A menacing scowl. A black belt in one hand, a liquor bottle in the other.

 

That damn black belt. 

 

Her chest heaves, finding it hard to catch her breath when she realizes she's having a panic attack. Hope clutches at her skin in pure desperation for some sort of air, but it's useless.

 

It's like the belt is piercing across her body all over again. The shouting of her father's voice in her ears, yielding discrepancies. The start of tears soon turning to complete numbness as she's backed into a corner, no one present to save her from the one person who should be protecting her. 

 

Within a second, she's pulled back into the past. 

 

___

 

Hope knows that her father, even through his intelligence, possibly doesn't even know the definition of protection as he slices the belt against her skin once more. Although knowing it's a lost cause, her gaze pleads for someone - anyone - to appear and save her from her father's temper. Like her aunt Freya or aunt Rebekah.

 

Maybe her mother will appear, with a warm embrace and a gentle kiss to her forehead just like she always used to do. 

 

No. How silly to even imagine that her mother cares anymore than her father does. Her mother left her. Not a single explanation other than a letter, even so lacking any real reasoning. Not a word or warning of how her absence would strike the Mikaelson's to their knees. Especially Hope. 

 

The Mikaelson's skated along thin ice ever since the day her uncle Elijah's body was discovered, when Hope was only ten years old. 

 

Suicide, they said. It didn't make sense in Hope's mind. Her uncle was the embodiment of their family compound. To uncle Elijah, the smarts and wealth of the Mikaelson family stood no comparison to their true bond.

 

The bond of Always and Forever.

 

He made that apparent by simply existing, being the anchor of her father's happiness and the fountain of wisdom within the Erudite faction. There was no one quite like him. No one quite capable of being the glue to link their family together, no one capable of providing leadership and companionship among his siblings. 

 

Until suddenly, he was gone, and with him went the binding of their family. 

 

The day everything truly fell apart before Hope's eyes was her mother disappearing without a trance soon after the discovery of her uncle's body. It shattered the family compound, and each of their heart's in it. It was the final blow of disregarding any wishful thinking that they could hold their bond without her uncle. 

 

Hope had never thought her family was capable of drifting so far apart, until suddenly her father's gentle smiles and compliments were replaced with scowls of anger and drunken snarks. In turn, her father's behavior grew darker within a short length of time, and the first time he laid his hands on his own daughter came soon enough.

 

She had hoped it was a drunken mistake, a one time occurrence masked by her father's savage emotions, and she thought maybe he would apologize and hug her just like he used to do. 

 

That was until the drinking drifted from occasional to almost nightly, and so did that damn belt. Of course, Hope wanted to confide in her aunts about what was happening when they weren't around, but the fear of her father finding out about her defiance stood too strong.

 

Not to mention the fact that the light drained of both of her aunt's eyes ever since the discovery of their brother. They were never truly present since then, a smile something to never be found upon their faces again. 

 

Hope longed for something to give, something to help her feel as if she had a family again. But, it never did, and it clicked soon enough that she was truly alone. 

 

She was only ten years old, and the feeling of abandonment had replaced any ounce of love and acceptance she ever once felt. 

 

Then Hope was eleven, and then twelve, and then thirteen, and no matter how many years passed, every moment stayed the same as if she was chained to a limitless replica of time.

 

The same father, his same belt and liquor bottle. The same aunts, and the way they always seemed to avoid her or never once questioned where her black eye came from. The same absence where her mother and uncle should be. The same stares of judgement and lack of consideration at school. 

 

The same loneliness. 

 

Hope had accepted her fate that she was destined to remain alone in these years. It never stopped her from wondering, though. It wasn't much longer before she finally turned sixteen, and it'll be her time to choose the faction to which she will devote the rest of her life towards.

 

With that longing for change, also came immense fear.

 

Although afraid of change itself, Hope knows any possible test result would be better than the life she has been subjected to for the past three years. The same violence from her father, the same solitude from anything remotely close to love. But, she's even more terrified of receiving an Erudite test result.

 

That would mean she would feel shame to choose anything other than what her true attribute is.

 

That would mean she would never escape this tortuous faction. 

 

A constant wondering of what her life may possibly become is all that whirled within Hope's mind, especially when she turned fifteen. Only one more year was left until a new beginning could present itself.

 

It's all she ever thought about each time she walked the hallways alone at school, or sat outside the balcony of her bedroom when no one was home and listened to the birds chirp, or even when her father was home and drunk and threatening his daughter per his typical behavior.

 

One more year, that was all. Hope could only wish that when the day came, her new beginning would be everything she ever dreamed of. She wouldn't have to bear the pain of her father's belt, or listen to him call her a disgrace to the family name anytime she showed interest in anything other than a search for knowledge.

 

Reminiscing like this, it always brings Hope back to the very first time her father had hit her. She was only ten years old, and she remembers asking her father if she was allowed to go exploring off on her own in search for her mother.

 

She expressed that she wanted to be brave just for their family, just for him. She told him that even if something happened to her, as long as she found her mother, she thought there was a chance their family could feel whole again. She didn't care for any possible cost. 

 

The fire in her father's eyes at Hope's wish was something she knows she'll never be able to forget. It was a simple question, a simple reasoning, but her father had glared at her in pure disgust.

 

Pure horror.

 

Hope didn't understand why he looked at her the way he did. She didn't even have time to think about what was so wrong with what she asked him before a slapping noise echoed throughout the dining room, and a stinging flame surrounded her entire face. 

 

She's on the ground now. Her father is above her, one hand is clenched into a fist and the other is wrapped tightly around a bottle of liquor. The fire in his eyes hasn't left as he glares down at her, and all she can feel is hurt.

 

The man in front of her couldn't possibly be her father. Her father is gentle, and always kisses her forehead when he tucks her in at night. Her father doesn't hit her, he never has before. 

 

Why is he still looking at her like that? 

 

"Never ask such a thing again. Do I make myself clear, Hope Andrea? Never." 

 

"I... I just wanted to find mom." A tear streams down her face, and it feels like ice against the hot skin of her cheek. It almost amazed her, she rarely ever cried. She always hated when she did, especially in this moment. 

 

There's a short minute where Hope recognizes a glint in her father's eyes as the scowl on his face ceases, but it's gone just as quickly as it was able to be seen. She thought maybe it was some sort of remorse, maybe he regretted what he just did and he would apologize and hug her like he usually does each time he sees her, but then the look of disgust is back.

 

He bends down to look right into her eyes, and he stares. Hope can tell a million thoughts are running through his mind, and she wishes her father looked like her father in this moment. But, he doesn't. Not at all.

 

"I will not tolerate divergence." 

 

He walks away before Hope can question what that word even means. 

 

The day after that, there was a thunderstorm for a majority of the afternoon. Hope had gotten home from school late to find her father sitting at the dining room table just like yesterday. He smiled when he saw her, and she felt warm at the sight. It was like yesterday never happened. Maybe he hadn't meant to do what he did, and it will never happen again. 

 

"My dearest. You're home from school quite late, where have you been?" 

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so long." Hope hung her jacket and umbrella by the front door, her sopping shoes following suit. "There was a girl from Candor who was walking home alone, she didn't have a parent with her or an umbrella. I wanted to walk with her with my umbrella so she didn't get soaked." 

 

Hope notices the smile slipping from her father's face, a single brow twitching in place. Her father lets out a deep sigh, and she doesn't see the grip on a belt beneath the table begin to tighten. 

 

"Sounds like you were kind to her." 

 

Her father lifts from his chair, a hand held behind his back as he strides closer to her. There's some sort of look in his eyes, it briefly reminds Hope of how he looked yesterday. 

 

The fire is back in his eyes.

 

The disgust is back in his eyes. 

 

"What's wrong with being kind?" Hope asks gently, but she doesn't get the chance to wonder if that was the right thing to say before the same stinging across her face is back once more, and she's on the ground again, just like she was yesterday. Her father breaths heavy above her, and through her immense pain she can quickly pick up that same stench of alcohol as yesterday, too. 

 

"You're not supposed to be kind, Hope!" Her father grabs at her shoulder with such a tight grasp that it causes Hope to yelp. "You're supposed to be smart!"

 

Hope grabs at her father's hand holding her shoulder, tugging with all the strength she can to get away from him, but he only squeezes harder. "Dad, you're hurting me!"

 

"You just can't be that, anything but that!" Her father grows panicked as he gawks at her, and Hope's confusion and pain in her shoulder begins to overwhelm her. She wishes she understood what he was saying, but she doesn't.

 

"You can't be divergent, you can't be! Elijah was one thing, but not my daughter. Please, not my daughter!" 

 

Nights such as that continued to happen gradually. The same confusion over that one single word never left, she couldn't piece together what he possibly could mean.

 

Over the years, there were some days when Hope came home from school lucky enough to find she was the only one there. Other days weren't so lucky, but she was thankful it wasn't every night she had to bear her father's violence.

 

Hope had accepted it after a while. Even so at times, she always thought about the fact that although he was violent, her father at least acknowledged her existence. 

 

The only other acknowledgment she received from her family was gentle stares of pity from her aunts. A part of her questioned if they truly knew what was happening to their niece when they weren't around. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer or not. Nothing could ever be the same within her family. 

 

Hope had accepted she was destined to solitude. It plagued her thoughts more often than not, especially in the moments of taking makeup products from her aunt Rebekah's room in order to cover up bruises that had formed on her skin in product of her father. 

 

She's fifteen years old, sitting on the  bathroom counter at school and reapplying concealer beneath her left eye to cover up bruising.

 

She's trying to be quick, the fear of another student walking in immensely heavy. It seems the slight purple hue upon her cheek just won't disappear, and with the quick pressure of her fingertips, she imagines she's only bruising herself even more. 

 

Despite the frustration concerning her face, she's thankful her blue dress shirt and scarf are able to cover the few scattered bruises across her shoulders and above her collar bone. 

 

Having managed to finally conceal the dark hue upon her face, Hope takes a deep breath before shoving the makeup back into her school bag. She slides off the counter, opting to grip the edge of it instead, and takes a proper glance at herself in the mirror. 

 

One more year. One more, that's it. Just one more year, and-

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Hope jumps, gasping between her teeth. From her zoned out state, she must not have heard the creaking of the bathroom door opening. She shifts her gaze to find the figure standing in the mirror, staring right at her with what she would like to assume is concern. 

 

It must be concern. The girl, visibly not too far in age from herself, is garnished with a gray robe, not a sliver of skin to be seen except for tan hands clasped together in front of her. She has dark chestnut hair pulled high into a ponytail, with apprehensive eyes similar in color. 

 

Of course, it's concern. The girl is from Abnegation. 

 

"Um... yeah." Hope tries to ignore the warmth in her chest from someone finally speaking directly at her, without the use of friction. The girl is worried. Worried about her. She can't remember the last time someone expressed anything but avoidance or hatred towards her. "I'm fine." 

 

"You're hurt." The girl points at Hope's hands, causing her to glance down. She hadn't noticed a cut upon the back of her hand had opened up, a drop of blood beginning to trail towards her knuckles. 

 

"Shit." Hope bites her lip, avoiding the brunette girl's eyes all at once. She slips her school bag from her shoulder and begins to rummage through it in search of a bandage. 

 

The Abnegation girl saunters closer, almost as if she's nervous. "Uh, here. May I?" 

 

Hope stares at her. She knows the girl is only trying to help her due to the selflessness of her faction. That's all. She ponders whether or not she should ignore the girl and run out of the bathroom without looking back.

 

She doesn't need help. 

 

The girl in gray gently grabs Hope's hand, turning the faucet on before placing her hand beneath the stream and allowing the blood to rinse off. Hope continues to stare, silence enveloping around them. She can feel how nervous the brunette seems, but she can't figure out why.

 

It's all she can question as the girl sifts through her backpack and pulls out a bandage, wrapping the back of Hope's hand with such delicacy, it almost makes her cry. 

 

Hope can't help but ask. "Thank you, but um... you just happen to keep bandages in your backpack?"

 

The ghost of a smile is evident on the girl in gray's face when she finishes wrapping Hope's hand. "Stiffs are easy targets, you know. I'd rather come prepared having to be surrounded by other kids of Erudite and Candor all day... no offense."

 

The blue scarf around Hope's neck seems to tighten and suffocate her at that sentence. Of course, that's why the girl is nervous. She's afraid Hope is going to call her a stiff, or bully her just like other kids of her faction do. 

 

"Don't worry, I'd never do that." Hope offers a small smile to which she thinks might ease the other girl's worries. "I'm Hope, by the way." 

 

"Josette." The girl smiles when she introduces herself, and Hope notices a pink tint to her cheeks, a sigh that closely resembles relief escaping her lips. "I should probably get going. I'm not supposed to be on this side of the school, I only came to this bathroom to hide from a Candor kid who kept following me around and... calling me a stiff.”

 

The girl, Josette, steps away from the counter then and places a hand on the door to the bathroom. "I hope you feel better soon." 

 

With that moment, the most at peace Hope's felt in quite some time vanishes, and she wishes the Abnegation girl had never left. 

 

The next year passed by, too swift yet too slow all at once, and eventually the truth of everything revealed itself.

 

Her mother always used to tell her, "what is kept in the dark, always comes to light”.

 

Hope always pondered on her mother's words, the tone in which she said them kept some sort of underlying meaning without fail. The tone was even implied in the letter her mother wrote her before she left, and Hope lost count of how many times she read that letter, over and over and over again. It wasn't until she finally escaped her father's wrath that those words and their depth finally clicked. 

 

She turned sixteen, and it didn't take more than a few weeks passing for the day of the aptitude test to come. Hope was nearly throwing up with nerves, or excitement, she truly couldn't tell the exact difference. It was almost time, the time for a new beginning to present itself. 

 

Only rather than the aptitude test answering all of her questions and granting her prolonged wishes, it only further throws her down a spiral of confusion. 

 

From that day, everything is blurry through her haste. She remembers the name of her test administrator, Tori. She remembers key points of the test in itself. But most of all, she remembers the look of fear in Tori's eyes when Hope awoke from the effects of the test serum. The way Tori nearly refused to make eye contact with her, the way she was unable to speak when Hope pleaded to hear the results of the test.

 

"I'm sorry, I haven't seen this since... um. Your results were inconclusive, Hope."

 

"What are you saying? I'm broken, or something?"

 

"It's called divergent."

 

As soon as that word leaves Tori's mouth, it feels like all the air from Hope's lungs disappear. It feels like the belt is hitting her despite the lack of her father in the test room. Sweat covers every inch of her skin as she watches Tori speak, but she can't hear anything. She can't feel anything other than fear.

 

Hope's gasping for some sort of air, but she can't catch it. Her chest aches and feels as if it's on fire. Her vision is almost entirely black until Tori grabs ahold of her face, and she guides Hope to take three distinct deep breaths before she speaks again.

 

"Hope, I won't tell anyone. Don't freak out, just breathe, okay? I'm going to enter your test results as Erudite, and I'm going to tell the board that the serum made you sick, and I sent you to go home, okay?"

 

Hope finds the courage to speak. "Can you tell me what it means? Divergence? Please, I have to know."

 

"Instead of getting a single result, you got multiple. The results were inconclusive, Hope. You tested equally positive for not only Dauntless, but Erudite and Amity as well. I know you don't understand, but divergence is highly dangerous. No one can know your test results, okay?" 

 

"I'm dangerous?" Hope's surprised her heart hasn't jumped outside of her chest by now. 

 

"I can't go into detail. I wish I could help you, but I can't. You should get going before someone from the board comes. Just please, don't tell anyone your test results." 

 

So, Hope goes home. All she can feel is dread. All she can feel is fear.

 

It's swallowing her by the second, and all she wants now is to feel like she isn't drowning.  She doesn't see her father between the time she gets home and the next day, the day of the choosing ceremony. She's thankful, but all the while, she's certain her father already knows of her test results.

 

It's the only explanation for his violence towards her that's occurred for the past six years, and it's unimaginable what he might say or do if she were to see him and confirm he was right all along. 

 

The same fear is present during the ceremony, when she at last hears Alaric Saltzman, the leader of Abnegation, calling out her name. 

 

"Hope Mikaelson."

 

It's time for her to choose.

 

When Hope is walking towards the podium, it's as if everyone's eyes are lasers pointing at the back of her head. It's like 'divergent' is branded in black marker across her forehead. It's like she once again can't catch her breath. 

 

The knife glides across Hope's flesh, a strip of blood seeping through the skin of her palm. Each of the faction bowls are laid out in front of her, but she can't decipher a single thought within her mind. It feels as if she's been standing upon the podium for a century now, and she wishes she knew what to do, but she doesn't. 

 

Dauntless.

 

All her life, Hope has felt brave. She likes to think proud of herself for withstanding her father's wrath over the last six years. She likes to think perhaps she is strong, because all through the grief of losing her uncle and her mother and her family being torn apart, she didn't give up. All through withstanding the pain at her father's drunken hands, she didn't give up. All through questioning each night why she continues to drown in her loneliness, she didn't give up. 

 

Hope awoke each day and continued to push forward in anticipation of reaching this very moment. The moment that could determine how the rest of her life will go. Despite not understanding her own mind and what that forsaken test result could possibly mean for her, she still showed up to this moment. She isn't sure how her future will pan out, but she does know for certain she will never fall victim to anyone again. 

 

She'll never again let pain be something that overtakes her entire being or be something she can't escape from. She'll be strong from here on out, she'll be brave. Something she's always been on the inside, but now has the opportunity to express. It repeats in her mind as her hand hovers over the black bowl filled with flaming coals, allowing a drop of blood to fall from her palm. 

 

Is that bravery?

 

The blood sizzles against the coal as Alaric calls out, "Dauntless." 

 

There's a sudden multitude of noises, all ranging from clapping, to cheering, to gasps of surprise. Hope doesn't care, though. All she can feel is contempt within herself. 

 

She vows that day to never allow anyone to hurt her ever again. Her father doesn't matter, Erudite doesn't matter, her bruises don't matter, her divergence and the complete confusion over what exactly it means doesn't matter. Nothing matters in this moment except for the promise she makes to herself to be brave, and absolutely nothing will ever get in her way. 

 

___

 

"Hope?" 

 

Her name comes out of Jade's mouth in such a cautious manner, and she's so quiet that Hope almost doesn't hear her through the sound of the waterfall. She glances at her friend curiously, finding herself taken back by the way Jade is looking at her. 

 

Hope isn't quite sure how long she's been zoned out in this chasm, but by the way Jade has nothing but worry laced within her expression, she's sure it's been a while.

 

Remaining silent, she watches as Jade hesitates for a short moment before opting to sit beside her. The blonde carefully crosses her legs beneath her, and allows a few minutes to pass before finally speaking. 

 

"I've called your name a couple times, I know you didn't hear me, but..." Jade peers at her then, and Hope almost feels guilt from how worried her friend seems. She can tell it's genuine emotion, but she almost doesn't believe it. "what were you thinking about?"

 

Hope doesn't answer at first. What is she supposed to say to that? Once again, only the truth could justify anything right now. Her actions on Jed, her responses towards her friends, her unusual silence now, the fact that she's sitting zoned out in the middle of chasm.

 

Can she really tell Jade the truth right now?

 

No.

 

How would she even do that?

 

Jade would run straight to Eric and Marcel, exposing her divergence, and she would be exiled from everything she's worked towards achieving for herself within the past two years. She told herself nothing would get in the way of her perseverance. But now, everything's crashing down and she doesn't know what to do. 

 

"Hope, talk to me." Jade's voice is gentle, but Hope can tell she's frustrated. The blonde's eyes are wide, and worried, and seemingly scanning her face for some sort of answer to her question. "Please, I know you and you know me, and I know that this isn't you. You can tell me anything, that's why we’re best friends.”

 

"Except, you don't really know me, Jade." Hope's voice cracks when she finally speaks. She can feel herself crumbling beneath her friend's gaze, and doing what she does best, she resorts to defensiveness. "You know Dauntless Hope, you know nothing about what came before her or who she used to be." 

 

"Hope, what the fuck are you talking about?" Jade throws her hands in the air, and the venom behind her words causes Hope to break within just a little more. "Seriously, what is this about? And don't give me that bullshit, I'm done with this conversation, response again. Don't shut me out, I'm begging you to just-" 

 

She snaps, no longer caring is she were to lose everything in this moment or not.

 

"My last name isn't Marshall, it's Mikaelson." 

 

Jade stares at her. It takes a moment, but seemingly her friend puts it all together in her head, and then she sighs. "That's what you were so afraid to tell me? I don't care that you're a Mikaelson, what's the big deal?"

 

Hope nearly laughs. Frustration rushes straight to her head, and she can barely open her eyes to look at her friend. "You don't understand. You heard what Jed asked Josie, you heard him ask her if her parents beat her just like Niklaus Mikaelson beat his daughter." 

 

It's obvious everything hits Jade in that moment. Her eyes once corrupted with anger shift gradually towards sympathy. "Oh... I'm sorry, I just… I always assumed those old reports on Niklaus were just made up or something. I didn’t realize-“

 

Jade cuts herself off, and silence envelopes the two for a moment. Hope can't help the tears that had been building up to finally break, and while she knows in this moment she's risking everything, she can't help herself. The words come out quickly, and while her breath is shaky, she allows herself to finally speak the truth. 

 

"There's a lot to my past, but what I'll tell you now is that I defected from my original faction in order to escape my father. My uncle died when I was ten, and my mother abandoned the family right afterwards, and in turn my father became a drunk. I didn't know why he started abusing me then, and I didn't know why it continued up until the day I took my aptitude test. I discovered that it was because all along, he knew I was divergent." 

 

By the time she says her final word, Hope is nearly choking on her own breath. When she doesn't hear an immediate response from her friend, she's then braced for the worst to happen.

 

She expects Jade to instantly leave to inevitably expose her identity, she expects everything to come crashing down in that moment, she expects the promise she made to herself to shatter in a million pieces.

 

Jade doesn't say anything, though. In fact, it's complete silence for a few minutes. Hope is sure she's going to throw up any second, but that feeling ceases when she feels Jade's arm wrap around her shoulders and pull her closer. 

 

It's like all the weight latched upon Hope lifts at that very motion. "You're hugging me." 

 

Jade laughs at that. Actually laughs.

 

Hope doesn't really know what the hell is happening right now, she doesn't know why she just told her best friend about her divergence, or why her best friend isn't already on her way to expose the information to the leaders of their faction. 

 

"I'm not going to hold something against you that I don't even understand myself, Hope. I don't care what you are or what it even means. My best friend isn't dangerous, I know that. So, I don't care what you say. I'm with you, no matter what. Aptitude be damned." 

 

Hope nearly breaks all over again as she audibly sighs, her head instinctively falling to rest upon her friend's shoulder. "If you're actually telling the truth about not being freaked out, then I don't know what I'd do without you, seriously." 

 

"Well in that case, I'll forgive you for being an ass." 

 

Notes:

sooo like i said here's this if anyone still cares lmao. hopefully this turned out okay and answered some questions. there are still some things left out on the table about hope's past and that's cause im nottt gonna reveal everything just yet lol. ik its confusing but stay tuned.

Chapter 12

 

Sebastian grasps Josie's shoulder with his palm in a way she figures is supposed to be comforting, but she only wants to smack it away when he interrupts her. "You could go home, maybe. If you wanted. Alaric is on the council, I'm sure Abnegation would make an exception for you."

 

"What makes you think I want to go home?" Josie bites out in a haste, her cheeks blazing. "You think I can't handle myself or something? I'm doing just fine. I don't-"

 

"It isn't that, Josette. Listen to me." Sebastian shakes his head, seemingly unphased by the brunette's momentary outburst. "It isn't that you can't handle it, it's that you shouldn't have to... you should be happy. And in my opinion, you look anything but happy."

 

"This is what I chose, Sebastian. I'm Dauntless. I don't know why you find that so hard to believe. Besides... being happy isn't my only goal in life."

 

"Wouldn't it be easier if it was, though?"

 

The words run aimlessly through Josie's mind, an endless loop since she heard them this morning. Her fist slams against the punching bag for what has to be the hundredth time, but it does nothing to release the tension in her head on top of the relentless pain pulsing throughout her body. 

 

She can't decide which is louder at this moment - the repetition of conversation echoing throughout her mind, or the throbbing wounds all across her face and torso.

 

Taking a step away from the punching bag, Josie lifts the palm of her hand to her forehead, heat and sweat overwhelming the touch.

 

She doesn't remember just how long she's been in the training room, only knowing that she escaped the dining hall halfway through dinner in order to come here when she knew it'd be empty. She made up an excuse of not feeling well for a smooth exit to her friends, unable to explain the true reasoning behind her pent up frustration. 

 

The conversation with Sebastian out in the fields has yet to leave her head. She wishes she could pinpoint why exactly it bothers her so much, to think of why he of all people thinks he knows her or what she's going through, or what she should do for her best interest. 

 

"And in my opinion, you look anything but happy."

 

He doesn't know a thing. 

 

He knows Elizabeth, maybe. Not her. He knows cowardice Josette, maybe. Not her.

 

He knows Abnegation and Amity, not Dauntless. 

 

He doesn't know her. 

 

Unless maybe Josie hasn't changed at all. Maybe Sebastian could see right through her facade, a shell of what she wishes was a Dauntless soldier on top of who she's always been. A disarranged teenager girl stuck in the gray robes of Abnegation but never once feeling as if she belonged.

 

An easy target among her peers, a stiff, and nothing less than that. 

 

"Someone seems to be full of unwise choices today." 

 

Josie practically jumps out of her skin at the cut in silence, hissing between her teeth. A sudden rush to her head, caught by surprise, causes her to reach towards the punching bag to balance herself. Her shaking fingers all but graze the surface, and if it wasn't for a gentle hand grasping onto her own, the brunette is sure she would've fallen to her knees. 

 

Whether she lost herself too far in thought, or she's pushed past her body's limit in training, Josie isn't sure which is to blame right now. 

 

The hand holding onto her own guides her to sit down on the cold wooden floor of the gymnasium. Josie glances up then to find Hope, worried blue orbs piercing straight through her, sitting beside her. The older girl holds a water bottle out in front of her, gesturing for the brunette to take it. 

 

"I'm sorry if I startled you... are you okay?" 

 

Josie doesn't say anything at first, opting to chug from the water bottle instead. Hope continues to stare at her expectedly, and the brunette feels herself shrinking beneath the instructor's gaze. Blue eyes like fire, piercing every inch of bruised tan skin. Her wounds seem to burn down to the bone beneath the sudden attention. 

 

A reminder she is weak in this moment.

 

"Fine." It comes out sharper than intended, and Josie struggles to pull air into her lungs after chugging nearly half of the instructor's water bottle. "Come here to lecture me some more?" 

 

Hope cocks a brow at the remark, and Josie almost does the same. She doesn't understand where the confidence to snark off to her instructor comes from, it's like the words escape her lips before she has time to think them over. Instinctive, and probably idiotic. That thought is dismissed when she notices a subtle smirk playing on the older girl's lips. 

 

"Lecture, no." Hope shrugs. "Offer some more of my friendly advice, maybe."

 

A scoff manages to escape Josie's mouth before she has time to catch it, and internally questions once again where this newfound confidence comes from when it comes to interacting with her superior. Nonetheless, she doesn't back down.

 

If there is any time to be daring, it should be now, in this rare moment alone with Hope. 

 

"Friendly, huh? You have a strange definition of friendly." 

 

Hope stares, a smile tugging at her lips as she looks the brunette up and down. Her mouth opens, for a second, and closes almost too quickly. She seems almost hesitant, and it makes Josie question what's running through her mind. 

 

"That was just Sebastian... earlier." Josie says after a long silent moment, realizing Hope wasn't going to respond for whatever reason. When she’s still silent, only looking at her with wonderment, she continues.

 

"He was just saying that... um-" She stops herself, thinking back to all the remarks made by the former Abnegation boy. All of the things he said as if he could see straight through her somehow.

 

Her former friend? Peer? Whatever he was.

 

"We were in Abnegation together, he was friends with my sister, and yeah... that's all."

 

"That doesn't really explain to me what had you upset earlier." Hope shakes her head, studying the brunette intently. Josie notices how blue orbs stray from the tattoo on her collar bone, to her black eye, then to her nose piercing, down to her busted lip, and back towards her collar bone. The instructor is looking at her so intently, almost somberly.

 

For what reason, she truly isn't sure. She doesn't know what could be so interesting about her disheveled appearance. Maybe she’d critiquing just how bruised and beaten Josie appears. Judging her ultimate lack of skill, the pathetic excuse she is for a soldier in the making.

 

"I wasn't upset." Josie blurts out in a haste, swallowing the bitter taste in her mouth. "Seriously, it was nothing."

 

"It wasn't nothing." Hope declares, a small bite to her tone, yet she sounds gentle. Like she cares. 

 

Why would she care?

 

Josie can't find words for a moment, and the longer Hope stares at her so intensely, the more the brunette can feel herself breaking. She's hesitant to share any single thought regarding her emotions, especially with the girl sitting beside her.

 

The one person who actually matters that she's supposed to act according towards, be brave in front of, she couldn't possibly allow vulnerability to show. Not now, not ever. She can't possibly come up with any reason as to why her instructor would care about her internal dilemma so much. 

 

In a moment of weakness, she allows to words to be said aloud anyways. 

 

"He just said," Josie sighs, her bottom lip catching between her teeth. She doesn't know why she's even bothering to share anything with the instructor, but she feels almost as if she can trust her. At least, she hopes that she can. "that I don't seem happy. That I don't belong in Dauntless, or whatever. And that I should go back."

 

Hope hums, a glint of something unrecognizable within her irises. "Are you?"

 

"What?" Josie frowns, still stuck on questioning what her instructor is getting at with inquiring about her own emotions. 

 

"Are you happy?"

 

If there's any question Josie wouldn't know how to answer, other than what exactly that godforsaken term divergent could possibly mean or why she's now suddenly a threat to society because of it, it's that one. It surprises her to hear Hope ask such a question, she can't quite figure out why it matters to the older girl, or what she's even supposed to say in response.

 

"I don't know."

 

The response comes in a whisper, and while there is no evident reason as to why Josie shouldn't be able to trust the instructor with her honest response, she still feels that all too familiar apprehension. She wishes in this moment she could display herself in the purest form of the brave soldier she's supposed to be, in the way she's sure Hope would approve of, but that ideal feels far beyond unreachable.

 

An ideal only imaginable, but never attainable. 

 

Hope smiles then, a smile so soft yet meaningful in the way it reaches her eyes. It’s shining, and it looks more genuine than Josie has ever seen before. It manages to make the brunette's chest tighten at the sight alone. 

 

"Sure you do." Hope's fingers graze against Josie's wrist in the lightest touch, before suddenly the instructor clasps her hand firmly within her own, offering a gentle squeeze. "No one can depict where you belong, only you can. It was no one else's decision at the choosing ceremony, only yours. You chose Dauntless because you are Dauntless." 

 

Josie's hand feels as if it's on fire, and she decides right then and there that there is no better feeling than Hope's skin against hers. It's not the first occasion of physical contact, but in this moment, the brunette recognizes just how intoxicating the feeling is.

 

It's beginning to drive her insane, the things that she feels. The things that she feels for Hope. Why does she feel these things?

 

"Don't you remember what I said?" Hope narrows her gaze. It appears almost pleadingly. Josie only dumbly shakes her head, because as long as Hope's hand is within hers, she can't conjure up a single coherent thought. "On the rooftop... during rifle training. I told you to always believe in yourself." 

 

Josie smiles softly, remembering that morning, remembering how she only managed to succeed in hitting the center of the bullseye after Hope had graced her with guidance. The memory is fond, yet the brunette still can't shake the insecurity she feels. She may receive guidance from the instructor now, but who's to say she will ever succeed on her own terms? 

 

In the way Hope is looking at her, that familiar confidence slowly creeps back in, and Josie shrugs before softly giggling to herself. "Well, that'd be a lot easier to do if I didn't feel like Jed's personal punching bag." 

 

It's not much of a surprise to Josie when Hope's eyes shift quickly from sincere to a sudden flash of anger within them at the mention of the Erudite-transfer. In any shared moment or exchange of words between the two of them, the hatred that the instructor holds for the boy is beyond evident. It vaguely reminds the brunette of the brawl that occurred during training hours in the gymnasium just a few days ago. 

 

The brawl that started when Jed had cornered Josie with an article written about her and Elizabeth, an article of skepticism regarding their parents' alleged negligence towards their daughters and the questioning of their value as leaders of the Abnegation faction. An article that attempted to label her parents with the same fallacy that has followed the Erudite leader, Niklaus Mikaelson. 

 

It’s not that Josie believes the rumors about the intimidating leader. She just can’t help but recall that each time she heard the mention of his name, it was difficult not to question whether or not the rumors were actually true.

 

For a reason unknown to her, Hope had rushed to Josie's defense and attacked Jed within the blink of an eye, nearly breaking the boy's arm and leaving him with absolutely no chance to stand against her.

 

It was a moment of blind rage, a moment in which Josie had never before seen anyone look as angry or vengeful as Hope did. Remembering that occurrence, it's achingly tempting for the brunette to want to bring it up. She doesn't want to pry, but she just can't help but to question what Hope's intentions were.

 

The article was farfetched. It was definitely far from any sort of truth regarding the Saltzman family, or Abnegation as a faction, and although Jed had obviously deserved the hit towards his ego, Josie wonders why exactly Hope had gotten involved in the first place.

 

She could have just used words, maybe a threatening tone, in order to warn the boy while he was ahead. Instead, the instructor was seething with pure anger, and Josie has to know why.

 

Hope sighs, her hand retreating back and opting to rub at her knuckles instead. Josie can't help but notice how cold her empty palm feels now. "If there's anyone that doesn't belong here, it's him. And just so you know, I don't have any say when it comes to pairing the fights, and trying to argue against Eric would be pointless."

 

"I'm the stiff, it doesn't surprise me that I was paired against the top ranked initiate." Josie shrugs, a slight shake of her head following her words. It makes sense Eric was behind the pairing, and she’s sure he got more than a show out of her complete and utter embarrassing excuse for a fight. 

 

"Hey, no." Hope levels her gaze, a furrow to her brows. "Don't call yourself that, and don't let anyone else call you that. You're Dauntless now."

 

Josie bites the bullet in that moment, pulling in a sharp breath before peering up at the instructor. "Speaking of Jed... I was wondering why you attacked him when he cornered me during training the other day."

 

It comes out all in one gasp, and nervously awaiting Hope's response, she sputters before continuing. "Not that he didn't deserve it! He did, obviously, I just didn't think you cared that much about what he said about my parents. I mean, what he said wasn't true, he was just trying to annoy me, I know that-"

 

"He said more than just that." Hope spits out, and Josie is worried for a moment that she's upset her. She watches as the older girl squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath, seemingly in deep thought. 

 

Josie tears her eyes away, regretful in asking the question. For what reason, she's not entirely sure. She didn't expect Hope to have such a bitter reaction, although the curiosity as to why she reacted as such is enough to make her heart race. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry, you can do whatever you want-"

 

"What's so wrong with me simply wanting to defend you?" 

 

The words catch Josie off guard, her head snapping up to find Hope staring at her already. The air shifts differently in the way the instructor asks the question, soft and sincere, with a delicate edge as if she's awaiting a certain answer in particular.

 

Warmth catches in Josie's throat, watching eagerly at the way Hope's eyes linger all across her face, and when they settle still onto her lips, the brunette nearly chokes on her own breath. 

 

Surely Hope is just looking at her busted lip in sympathy, claiming she wants to defend her so she doesn't receive any more busted lips. Surely Hope doesn't hear the way Josie's heart begins to beat faster when she notices just how close the instructor's face is to her own, or the way her bottom lip catches between her teeth. 

 

Surely Josie isn't imagining it when Hope seems to lean in even closer, the small distance between them feeling as hot as fire, charged with tension. It's like she can't hear or see or feel anything except for Hope when she takes the brunette's hand again in one of hers, the other coming up to grasp the side of her face.

 

The touch is soft, almost hesitant. Like Hope is afraid she could somehow add any more wounds to her by simply touching her. 

 

Josie can feel Hope's breath pan against her lips, and she nearly melts, her eyes fluttering closed on instinct. She can feel the tension in Hope's fingertips on the underside of her jaw, and there's nothing she wants more in this moment than to reassure her that it's okay. It's exhilarating, feeling the older girl be so seemingly nervous when she's used to seeing her so confident and sure of herself. 

 

Unsure if she can wait any longer, Josie has the sudden urge to close the distance between them herself, and she almost does until suddenly the sound of the training room doors opening cuts through the air. Hope rips away from her faster than she can begin to open her eyes, the ghost of the girl's hand on her face burning.

 

"Hope, there you are. Eric's been hounding me because he can't find you, something about a meeting for-" 

 

"Right, got it." 

 

Josie finally opens her eyes to find Hope lifting herself up from the ground, the muscles in the instructor's arms flexing slightly as she pushes herself up. She doesn't spare the brunette a single glance as she walks to where Rafael is standing by the doors. The two of them speak lowly between themselves for a moment before suddenly they walk out, leaving Josie still shellshocked in the same position on the floor. 

 

She can't find a single thought to make sense of what just happened. 

 

___

 

Josie crawls across the length of her mattress, a heavy sigh escaping her mouth as her ribcage tenses up.

 

Compared to a few days ago, her body is slowly reaching back to its normal pre-beaten state, but stretching still tempts her to practically scream in pain. It's been three days since her fight with Jed now, the bruises all across her body have shifted to turn a light purple and blue hue.

 

She's gotten used to aching with her every movement, adjusted to the pain in a sense, but she is still far from healed.

 

Regardless of her injuries, Josie was still required to fight today. Luckily this time, she was paired up against Alyssa, who honestly couldn't throw a half decent punch even if someone else was controlling her arm for her. The brunette was able overpower her within the first minute, causing the other girl to fall and become too dizzy to get back up to her feet.

 

It's an empty feeling. Maybe Josie should feel triumphant, but there really is no triumph in sparring with a ditzy girl like Alyssa.

 

The very second Josie touches her head to the pillow, the door to the dormitory flings open, a dark figure of a crowd swarming in the room holding flashlights. She swiftly sits up at the commotion, nearly smacking her forehead against the bed frame above her, and squints her eyes through the dark to figure out what seems to be happening.

 

"Everybody up!" A familiar voice yells out, a flashlight shining against the back of the figure's head, making the rings in his ears glint. It's Eric. 

 

Surrounding the blonde haired leader are other Dauntless, some of whom Josie has noticed mindlessly throughout the Pit, and others she has yet to have seen before.

 

Then, she sees her. Hope is standing seemingly frigid among the crowd, leaned up against the wall with her arms crossed tight to her chest. Her long locks are hanging loose and framing her face rather than usually being tied back. 

 

Blue eyes latch onto Josie's then, and they stay there. Like they're stuck in a mindless trance.

 

Josie stares back, forgetting all the transfers surrounding her beginning to climb out of their beds, and she's unable to piece together what the instructor is thinking or feeling in this moment. It's the first time the brunette has been able to catch Hope's eyes within her own since the time they shared in the gymnasium two days ago.

 

Hope hasn't spoken to her since, let alone looked at her, and Josie feels as if she is being ignored.

 

Better yet, she's worried she's misconstrued the entire situation. Surely the instructor had tried to kiss her, surely she knows how Josie feels and maybe even shares her similar feelings, right? Or did all the injuries reach her brain and make her imagine the entire thing?

 

It's beginning to hurt Josie’s head, wondering why she's being given the cold shoulder. 

 

"Did you go deaf, stiff?" Eric spits out and shines the flashlight right at her, his irate tone echoing throughout the entire room. Josie snaps out of her daze and slides out from beneath the blanket. "You all have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks, we're going on another field trip."

 

About three minutes pass, and soon enough Josie is sprinting, wincing more than she'd appreciate, behind Penelope on the way to the train. A drop of sweat rolls down the back of her neck as she and the rest of the initiates run up the paths along the walls of the pit, pushing past other Dauntless members on their way up.

 

None of them seem surprised to see the sight, and it makes the brunette question how many frantic, running people they see on a weekly or even daily basis.

 

Josie and the rest of the pack make it to the tracks just behind another crowd, the Dauntless-born initiates. Beside the track is some pile of black figures, and she squints slightly to make out a cluster of long gun barrels and trigger guards.

 

"Are we going to shoot something?" Penelope hisses into Josie's ear. 

 

Right next to the pile are boxes of what appears to be ammunition, a label present on the front that reads "PAINTBALLS". Josie furrows her brows as she reads it, never having heard of such a term before. She figures it must be self-explanatory.

 

"Everyone grab a gun!" Eric shouts, and all the initiates rush towards the pile on the order. Josie stands closest to it, so she grabs the first gun she sees as well as a small box of the paintballs. She shoves the box into the pocket of her black jacket before slinging the gun across her back so the strap crosses against her chest. 

 

"Time estimate?" 

 

Hope rolls up the sleeve of her jacket to examine the watch on her wrist. "Should be any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?" 

 

"Why should I do that when I have you to remind me?" Eric taunts, his hand lifting to shove Hope's shoulder. She sends an icy glare towards him as he stands tall above her.

 

A flash of light appears from the distance, growing larger as it comes closer. It shines against the side of Hope's face, creating a shadow in the faint hallow beneath her cheekbone. For a moment, the light makes her look like she's glowing. A warmth spreads in Josie's throat at the sight. 

 

Hope is the first to lift herself onto the train, and in a moment where she doesn't know what she's thinking, Josie runs after her to follow suite, not bothering to wait for Penelope or MG to follow her.

 

Once she’s inside, Hope surprisingly turns to meet the brunette's gaze. She holds out the palm of her hand, and when Josie hesitantly grasps it within her own, she's pulled with a gentle tug inside of the car. 

 

Josie ignores the way her eyes betray her as she studies the defined muscles of Hope's forearm where her jacket sleeve is rolled up to her elbow. She has to remind herself to let go of the instructor's hand, fighting the urge to look into her eyes as she goes to sit down on the other side of the car. 

 

When the rest of the initiates make it into the train car, Hope clears her throat and speaks up. 

 

"Little Dauntless tradition that we do here, we'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even amount of members, Dauntless-born initiates as well as transfers. One team will get off the train first and find a place to hold their flag, then the second team will get off and do the same." The train car sways slightly, and Hope grabs onto a ceiling railing to balance herself. "If that sounds simple enough, think of taking this serious. Are there any questions?" 

 

"What do we get if we win?" A voice shouts from among the born-initiates.

 

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not Dauntless would ask." Hope raises a brow as she laughs humorlessly. "You get to win, of course. And we will consider your performance tonight when it comes to your rankings. Not by much, unless we're impressed." 

 

"Hope and I will be your team captains." Eric says, glancing around the train car before he peers at Hope. "Let's divide up the transfers first, shall we?" 

 

Josie bristles at the words, tilting her head back and allowing her eyes to fall shut. If the two of them are picking among transfers, the brunette knows she will be chosen last. It's obvious, she can feel it. 

 

"You first." Hope says with a nod.

 

Eric shrugs. "Jed." 

 

Hope leans against the door frame of the car and nods. Her lips are tugged into a small smirk, and the moonlight shining through the car makes her blue eyes shine bright. She scans the group of transfer initiates for a brief moment, and without much calculation, says, "I want Josie." 

 

A faint undercurrent of laughter echos throughout the car, and instant heat rushes into Josie's cheeks beneath the attention. She doesn't know whether to be angry at the people laughing at her, or flattered by the fact she was chosen first, that Hope chose her first.

 

"Well, well." Eric smirks, his breath easing back easily after his laughter ceases. "Got something to prove? Or are you just picking the weak ones so that when you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

 

Hope shakes her head, but nonetheless shrugs. There's a glint of something within her irises, but Josie can't tell what it is. "Something like that." 

 

Angry, then. Josie scowls towards the ground, her hands shoving into the pockets of her jacket. She should definitely be angry. Whatever Hope's apparent strategy is, it seems to be based on the idea that she is weaker than the other initiates. It brings a bitter taste in her mouth, considering she had just opened up to the instructor about her insecurities in training just a few days ago. 

 

She has to prove her wrong, then. It may be a mystery what this capture the flag game is, but she can't afford not to excel in some way now. 

 

"Your turn." Hope reminds Eric. 

 

"Ethan." 

 

"Penelope." 

 

Josie frowns when she hears the name of her friend. That surely throws a wrench in the instructor's strategy, considering Penelope is definitely not one of the weak ones. What exactly is she trying to do here? 

 

"Maya." 

 

"MG." Hope glances at Josie as she says the name, biting down on her thumbnail. The brunette tears her gaze away and forces herself to look at the ground again. 

 

"Landon." 

 

"Ryan." 

 

"Last one left is Alyssa, so she's with me." Eric says, his gaze level upon the girl in question. Josie cringes, noticing the way the girl blushes looking towards the blonde haired leader. "Next are Dauntless-born initiates."

 

Once the two of them are finished claiming the transfers, Josie stops bothering to listen, catching herself in deep thought. If Hope isn't trying to prove a point by selecting the weak, then what is she doing? Josie examines each initiate the instructor has chosen, struggling to find a common ground between herself and the rest of them.

 

With the exception of the Erudite transfer, Ryan, who stands towering in height above the rest of them, they all share the same body type. Narrow shoulders, and small frames. With the exception of Alyssa on Eric's team, all of the transfers chosen by him are broad and strong.

 

Speed, that has to be it. Josie remembers Hope telling her on more than once occasion that she was fast. She figures that because of each of their slender frames, they could all be faster than anyone on Eric's team, which could be an advantage of capture the flag. The brunette may not have played it before, but by the term capture, it has to be a game of speed rather than brute force. While Eric may be stronger and more ruthless, Hope is smarter and faster.

 

"Your team can get off second." Eric says to Hope, meaning they have finished choosing among the Dauntless-born initiates for their teams.

 

Hope smiles, a brow arching. "Don't do me any favors. You know for a fact that I don't need them to win."

 

"No," Eric laughs, biting down on one of the rings pierced through his lip. "I know that you'll still lose no matter when you get off. Take your scrawny team and get off first then."

 

When Josie and the rest of the chosen team stand up, she notices Landon peering up at her with a forlorn look to his face. She tries to smile back at him in what she hopes to be a reassuring way. If her or the three of her friends had to end up on the same team as Eric or even Jed, then at least it was him. They usually leave him alone for the most part.

 

The train is hurling fast through the air and is coming close to nearing the ground. Josie takes a deep breath, feeling herself determined to land on her feet.

 

Just as she's bracing herself to jump, a hand shoves against her shoulder, causing her to lose her balance and nearly stumble dangerously close to the open entrance of the train. She doesn't bother to glance back to see who it is, the answer being obvious but it doesn't truly matter. 

 

Before the culprit can try again, Josie jumps out of the entrance, more than ready for the momentum the train gives her. She runs a few steps to diffuse once she reaches the ground, but ultimately keeps her balance. Fierce pleasure courses through her from head to toe, and even through the aching of her ribcage, she can't help but smile.

 

It's a small accomplishment, sure, but it makes her feel like Dauntless. 

 

 

Chapter 13

 

"When your team won, where did you put the flag?" One of the Dauntless-born initiates, a pale girl with red hair and a gold lip piercing, touches Hope's shoulder when she asks the question. 

 

Hope shifts her gaze at the girl and shakes her head. "Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the game, Sasha." 

 

"Come on, Hope, I won't tell." The girl, Sasha, whines and winks towards the instructor. Hope scoffs and brushes the girl's hand from her shoulder, and for some reason, Josie finds herself biting her lip to hold back a grin at the sight. 

 

"Navy Pier." Another Dauntless-born initiate calls out. He's tall and muscular, yet still appears graceful rather than broad. He has dark skin, dark green eyes, and a buzzcut. "My older brother was on the winning team, they kept the flag at the carousel."

 

"Let's go there then." MG suggests, his tone cheerful. Josie isn't sure how he went from sleeping so soundly before Eric's interruption, to suddenly having such a high amount of energy despite the lack of rest.

 

No one seems to object, and Josie falls in stride next to Penelope as they all walk east, towards the marsh that was once a lake. When she was younger, she tried to imagine what it would look like as an actual lake, with no fence built into the mud to keep the city safe. It's difficult to imagine that much water in one place. 

 

Penelope bumps MG's shoulder with her own as he walks on the other side of her. "We're close to Erudite headquarters, right?" 

 

"Yeah," MG nods, looking over his shoulder. For a moment, his expression is full of something so close to longing, until it's gone in an instant. "It's just south of here."

 

Josie realizes then she is less than a mile away from her sister. Elizabeth. It's been just over a week since they were in this close proximity. She shakes her head in order to rid of the thought, she knows she can't think of her today, not when she's trying to focus on making it through stage one of initiation.

 

She shouldn't think of her on any day.

 

The group walks along the bridge that stands over a pit of mud, and Josie wonders for a moment just how long it has been since the river fully dried up. The city changes once they're across, and in front of them is a sea of crumbling concrete and broken glass.

 

The silence within this part of the city is eerie - it feels almost like a nightmare. It's hard to tell what exactly is all around, as it is after midnight and the city lights have been shut off. 

 

Sasha takes a flashlight out from her pocket, shining it towards the street in front of the group as they walk. 

 

"Scared of the dark, huh?" The Dauntless-born boy from before speaks up again, a teasing tone present in his laughter.

 

"If you want to step on broken glass, then by my guest, Uriah." The red haired girl snaps, although she turns the flashlight back off anyway. 

 

Josie has come to realize that part of being Dauntless is being more than willing to make things more difficult for herself in order to maintain self-sufficiency. There's nothing brave in particular about wandering dark, lonesome streets with no source of light, but she knows that they are not supposed to need any help.

 

They are supposed to be capable of adapting to anything. She finds herself liking the challenge, because there may come a day when there is no flashlight, or gun, or guiding hand, and she wants to be prepared for it. 

 

The broken buildings come to an end just before they all reach the marsh. A strip of land nearby comes into view beyond the marsh, and rising from it is a giant white wheel with dozens of red passenger carts dangling from it at regular intervals. It's the ferris wheel.

 

"Look at that thing." MG shakes his head with a small laugh. "People used to ride that thing, for fun, you know."

 

"They must have been Dauntless." Josie responds, her breath catching in her throat for a moment when she notices just how tall the ferris wheel stands. 

 

"More like a lame version of Dauntless." Penelope laughs. "A real Dauntless ferris wheel wouldn't even have carts, you would just have to hang on tight with nothing but your hands, and good luck to you."

 

The group walks down the side of the pier, alongside empty looking buildings to the left of their path. Their signs are torn down and their windows are closed rather than shattered, it's a clean kind of emptiness. Most places in the city aren't as clean as this appears. 

 

"Dare you to jump into the marsh." Penelope pokes MG, her tongue between her teeth.

 

"You first." MG chuckles. "Then we can both run and it's a fifty-fifty chance on who Hope chases after to kill for not taking this seriously."

 

They reach the carousel, some of the horse figures scratched and weathered. A few of the tails broken off or the saddles on the back chipped.

 

Hope gestures for the group to stop walking before she reaches into her back pocket and takes out the flag. It has a black stem, and the flag in particular is a bright green hue. 

 

"In about ten minutes, Eric's team will have picked their location." Hope says, her gaze level as she speaks to them. "I suggest you all take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one very important aspect of your training in Dauntless. Arguably, I'd say it's the most important." 

 

Josie agrees with the instructor on that, finding herself nodding along as she speaks. What good is a prepared body with such a scattered mind?

 

MG gestures his hand out for the flag, and Hope looks him up and down before handing it to him. "How about some of us stay here and guard, and the rest of us go out and scout the other team's location?"

 

"Oh, yeah? You think that would work?" Sasha retorts, plucking the flag with a fierce tug from MG's grasp. She points a finger at his chest. "Who put you in charge, transfer?"

 

"No one," MG scoffs, and he frowns down at the red haired girl. "but she just said to try and form a strategy. Someone's got to take initiative." 

 

"Maybe we should think of something more defensive. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out with a bang." Penelope suggests.

 

"That's cowardly." Uriah drawls out, a smirk painting across his face. "I vote we go all out, and hide the flag well enough so they couldn't possibly find it."

 

Everyone seems to burst into conversation at once, their voices growing louder and louder with each passing second. Josie notices Hope rolling her eyes and taking a step back from the group, surprisingly not bothering to try to calm the commotion. 

 

Penelope defends MG's plan, the Dauntless-born initiates all vote for offense, and everyone argues amongst themselves about who should make the final decision. Hope sits down on one edge of the carousel, leaned up against a plastic horse's foot.

 

The instructor's gaze lifts towards the sky, no stars present, only a bright round moon peaking through a thin streak of clouds. Having stripped of her black jacket she was wearing before, the muscles in her arms are relaxed, and her hand rests against the back of her neck.

 

Josie can't help but stare, taking notice of how the older girl almost looks comfortable as she holds the gun to her shoulder and remains still. 

 

She shuts her eyes at the thought. Why does Hope distract her so easily? Regardless of whatever she feels, she needs to focus on the task at hand. 

 

Pondering on what she could say if she could shout above all the sniping voices behind her, Josie shakes her head and figures it's useless. They can't possibly act until they know where the other team is.

 

Eric and his group could be anywhere within the two-mile radius, ruling out the empty marsh or their own location as options. The best way to find them is not to argue about how to search for them, or how to divide their team. 

 

It's advantage. Leverage. Climbing as high as possible. 

 

Glancing over her shoulder to be sure no one is watching, Josie saunters towards the ferris wheel with light and quiet footsteps. She presses her gun to her back with one hand to prevent it making any noise as it swings.

 

When she stares up at the ferris wheel from the ground, her throat grows exceptionally tighter. It's even taller than she originally thought, so tall she can barely see the red carts swinging towards the top. 

 

The only good thing, she realizes, is that its height is built to support weight. She knows that if she climbs it, it won't suddenly collapse beneath her. Josie's heart begins to beat faster as she moves closer.

 

Is she really going to risk her life for this - for this chance to win a game that the Dauntless like to play for tradition? 

 

From how dark it is outside, Josie can just barely see the rusted supports holding the wheel in place. Each support is only as wide as her shoulders, and there aren't any railings to hold her in, but she knows climbing a ladder is better than climbing the spokes of the wheel.

 

She takes a deep breath and grabs onto a beam, it's bitterly rusty and thin, feeling as if it may crumble within her grasp. She places a boot onto the very lowest rung to test her weight, jumping to make sure it will hold her. The movement sends a sharp pain to her ribs, causing her to wince. 

 

"Josie." A low voice sounds from right behind her, and Josie isn't sure why it doesn't startle her more.

 

Maybe because she is becoming Dauntless, and mental readiness is something she is supposed to develop. Something she is supposed to boast with.

 

Or maybe it's because the girl's voice is low and smooth, almost soothing to her ears.  

 

Looking over her shoulder, Josie finds Hope standing close to her, the girl's gun slung across her back in a similar way the brunette is wearing hers. 

 

"Yes?" Josie almost cowers beneath the instructor's piercing gaze, and she has to clear her throat before trying to talk. 

 

"I came to see what you think you're doing right now."

 

"I'm seeking higher ground." Josie retorts, daring herself to sound smart and cocks a brow. "I don't think I'm doing anything." 

 

Even in the dark surrounding them, she can see Hope's momentary smirk. "Alright, then. I'm coming too." 

 

Josie pauses, peering down at the instructor and scanning her face. She doesn't look at her in a certain way that Penelope and Landon sometimes do - like she is too fragile.

 

But if the auburn haired girl insists on coming with her, it must be because she doubts her. The thought makes her force her lips into a gentle smile and shake her head.

 

"I'll be fine, you don't need to-"

 

"Undoubtedly." Hope cuts her off, and she's smiling back at her. Josie doesn't hear any sense of sarcasm in the girl's response, but she knows that it's present somewhere. There's zero chance that it isn't. 

 

Ignoring the stupid internal dilemma, Josie forces herself to look away from the girl and begins to climb. When she's a few feet off the ground, Hope trails after her. She moves faster than the brunette does, and soon the instructor’s hands find the rungs that her own boots leave. 

 

"So, tell me." Hope's voice is barely above a whisper. She sounds close to breathless. "What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game, I mean. Not the climbing up the ferris wheel." 

 

Josie stares down at the pavement, trying to focus on the ground and not the way the wind is causing Hope's long hair to wave around effortlessly. It seems far away now, but the two of them haven't climbed even a third of the way up.

 

Above her head is a platform, just below the center of the wheel. She knows that's her destination, and she doesn't spare a thought to how exactly she'll manage to climb back down once they find out something useful. 

 

The breeze that was once brushing against Josie's face earlier is now pressing against the skin of her torso where her shirt has ridden up slightly. The higher the two of them go, the stronger the wind will come. She needs to brace herself tightly to not get thrown off balance.

 

She hums out loud. "Learning about strategy... teamwork maybe."

 

"Teamwork." Hope repeats her, a laugh hitching at the back of her throat. It sounds almost like a panicked breath. 

 

"Maybe not." Josie shrugs, the wind beginning to reach her ears. "Teamwork doesn't really seem to be a Dauntless priority." 

 

The wind is howling stronger now, and Josie presses closer to the white support beam to keep herself from falling. It makes it slightly more difficult to climb, but she doesn't trust the weakness of her own hands.

 

Down below, the carousel looks minuscule, the team barely visible beneath the awning. Some members are missing, making it apparent that a search party must have stranded out on their own. 

 

"It's supposed to be a priority, it used to be."

 

Josie tries to listen to the instructor as she speaks, but the height has grown nearly dizzying.

 

Her hands are beginning to ache from how tightly she holds onto the rungs, and her legs feel tender and start to shake beneath her. She's not sure why whenever she thinks about it, the height doesn't particularly scare her.

 

In fact, the height makes her feel almost more alive with energy, every organ and muscle in her body singing despite her bruised state. 

 

Then, she realizes what it is. It's Hope. Something about her makes the brunette feel as if she is about to fall. Or turn into pure liquid. Or burst into flames.

 

It's the same feeling she had during their almost-kiss moment just a few days ago. The same moment that it seems to Josie they are both deliberately ignoring, or pretending didn't even happen. 

 

Well, Hope is, at least. Josie on the other hand, it’s really all she can think about. It makes her hand almost entirely miss the next rung.

 

"Now, tell me." Hope has to yell a little over the wind. Her teeth are clenched. "What do you think learning strategy has to do with bravery?"

 

The question reminds Josie that the older girl is her instructor. She is supposed to be learning from tonight's events, not imagining what it would have felt like if Rafael hadn't interrupted the moment in the gymnasium.

 

A cloud shifts across the moon, the light shining to cross over the brunette's hands as she continues to climb. 

 

"It... prepares you to act." Josie proclaims after too long of silence. "You have to learn strategy in order to use strategy, in order to be brave. A clear mind is the only way to succeed in anything."

 

She can hear Hope breathing heavy from beneath her when the wind changes direction, the pattern is loud and fast. An expression she has never seen from the instructor before now. "Are you alright down there?" 

 

"Are you even human, Josie?" Hope's voice cracks through the air before she makes a strangled noise at the back of her throat. She's peering up at Josie with wide eyes, her deep breaths never ceasing. "Being up this high - how does this not terrify you?"

 

Peering over her shoulder and towards the ground, Josie notices how much higher they have climbed. If she falls now, she will die. The fact of the matter doesn't quite scare her, because she doesn't think she is going to fall. 

 

A sudden gust of wind thrashes into Josie's left side, throwing her balance to her right side and causing her to stumble. She gasps and grips the rungs even tighter than before.

 

A chill travels down her spine when she feels one of Hope's hands clamping around her right hip, two of her fingers touching bare skin just beneath the hem of Josie's shirt. The hand squeezes tight, steadying the brunette and pushing her gently to the left in order to help restore her balance. 

 

Now Josie is the one who can't breathe. She pauses, staring down as Hope takes her hand back and suddenly her mouth feels entirely way too dry. She can still feel the ghost of where the older girl's hand was, the fingers touching her bare skin long and cold. 

 

"You okay?" Hope rasps out quietly.

 

"Yes." Josie coughs, her voice strained. She forces herself to continue climbing, silently, until at last she reaches the platform in the middle of the wheel.

 

Judging by the blunted ends of metal rods, it used to have railings, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. The brunette sits down on the edge of it, leaving enough room for Hope to sit beside her, and swings her legs over the side. 

 

When Hope makes it up onto the platform, she opts to crouch down and presses the entirety of her back into the metal support behind her. Like she's trying to shrink down into it. Josie watches intrigued as Hope shuts her eyes tightly before opening them a few seconds later, blinking rapidly as she sighs. 

 

"So, you're afraid of heights." Josie smiles a little, watching as Hope blinks up at her with an empty expression. "How on earth do you survive in the Dauntless compound, then?"

 

"Simple." Hope breaths out. "I ignore my fear. When I have to make certain decisions, I pretend that it doesn't exist. In my defense, I've never climbed something so damn high up as this death trap before."

 

Josie can't help but stare at her for a moment. There is a key difference, she thinks, between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear, just as Hope does.

 

It's admirable, if she's being honest. She knows she's been staring at her for too long when Hope bows her head down, a hand lifting to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "What?"

 

"Nothing." Josie shakes her head, finally tearing her struck gaze away from the instructor and out towards the city.

 

She needs to focus, they didn't risk their lives climbing up here for no reason. The city is pitch black since it's night, but even if it was daytime, she wouldn't be able to see very far out as a single building stands tall and blocks some of the view from where she is sat on the platform.

 

Above the two of them, there is a tangle of white bars, the scaffolding of the ferris wheel. If Josie is careful, she thinks she can climb even further and wedge her boots between the supports and the crossbars and stay secure. Or at least, as secure as she possibly can. 

 

"We're not high enough." Josie lifts herself off the platform, grabbing one of the bars above her head and pulling herself up. Shooting pains like daggers stab through her bruised ribs, and she winces as she tries to ignore the pain. "I'm going to climb up a little further."

 

"Oh, for the love of God." Hope sighs. "Josie-"

 

"You don't have to follow me, scaredy cat." Josie laughs, daring herself to tease the instructor as she stares up at the maze of bars above her head.

 

She shoves her foot onto an edge where two bars cross and pushes herself up further, grabbing another stray bar in the process. In a weightless moment, she sways for a second, her heart beginning to beat so hard that she can't even feel the wind anymore. Every thought she has condenses into her heartbeat, moving at the exact same rhythm. 

 

"Yes, I do actually." Hope mutters as she stands, her back still pressed against the metal support beam. She moves hesitantly, and Josie can hear her mumbling curse words beneath her breath.

 

Something along the lines of fucking hell, this is crazy, she's crazy, what the hell is she thinking.

 

This is crazy, that fact is something Josie knows just as well. A fraction of an inch of any sort of mistake, half a second of hesitation, and her life will end within a flash. Heat tears into her chest at the thought, but she doesn't back down and grabs onto the next bar.

 

She pulls herself up with shaking arms, forcing her leg beneath her so she can stand onto a different bar. When her position feels steady enough, she peers down to look at Hope.

 

Except, instead of seeing Hope, she sees straight down to the ground. Josie can't breathe at the sight. Her mind betrays her in an instant and she imagines her body plummeting, smacking into the bars as it falls down, her limbs at broken angles on the pavement.

 

Hope's figure moves suddenly, in a haste, coming up to block the brunette's view of the ground beneath her. 

 

Hope grabs onto a bar with each hand, easily pulling herself up as if she's not even afraid. But, she is not comfortable or natural here, it’s obvious in the way every muscle in her arm protrudes out from her shoulders down to her forearms.

 

Josie can see goosebumps along the instructor's skin, finding her mouth dry at the sight. It's a stupid thing, for her to be analyzing the other girl's bare skin when she is one hundred feet off the ground. 

 

Shaking her head before grabbing onto another bar, Josie pulls herself up again, finding a space to wedge her foot into place. When she glances around the city again, the building from before is no longer in the way of her scouting.

 

She's high enough to see the skyline, noticing most of the buildings far out are black against a navy sky. The red lights on top of the Hub are lit up, blinking just as fast as the brunette's own heartbeat. 

 

Beneath the buildings, the streets look like narrow tunnels. For a few seconds, Josie can see only a dark blanket of land, just faint differences between buildings or sky, street or ground. Until her eyes shift and she suddenly notices a tiny pulsing light.

 

"See that?" Josie points when she notices Hope approaching her level from below.

 

The instructor stops climbing and looks over Josie's shoulder, her chin right beside the brunette's head. Hope's breath flutters against her ear, and Josie suddenly feels shaky again when she's reminded of the last time she could feel Hope's breath against her. 

 

"Yeah." Hope says, a smile tugging at her lips then. "It's coming from the park at the end of the pier. Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees provide camouflage. Not enough, obviously." 

 

"Target spotted, then." Josie lets out a short laugh, looking over her shoulder to meet Hope's eyes. They're so close to each other, again, that for a moment the brunette forgets just where they are. Just how high up in the sky they are.

 

Her gaze falls to the open space between Hope's lips, until she forces herself to look away. 

 

"Um." Josie clears her throat sharply, the palms of her hands beginning to grow slick. "Start climbing down. I'll follow you." 

 

Hope nods and hesitates for a short second before she steps down from the bar she's clinging onto. Her legs are just long enough to where she can easily find space to wedge her boots, guiding her body between the bars with ease.

 

Even in the dark, Josie can see that her hands are bright red and shaking. 

 

Josie steps down with one foot, pressing her weight into one of the crossbars. She's calculating her next move when suddenly the bar creaks from beneath her and comes loose, clattering against half a dozen other bars on the way down and bouncing on the pavement below.

 

The air slips from her lungs and a strangled gasp escapes her lips when she finds herself dangling from the scaffolding with one leg swinging in midair. "Hope!" 

 

The nearest foothold is at least a few feet away, further than Josie can stretch her leg to reach. Her hands are sweating profusely as the imaginative daze of falling off the wheel creeps back into her mind, feeling a thousand times more real this time.

 

She's going to slip. She's going to fall. She's going to-

 

"Josie!" Hope shouts, her tone breathless and shaky. "Hold on! Just hold on, I have an idea!" 

 

Hope continues to climb down the scaffolding, her pace increased tenfold. She's moving in the wrong direction - she should be coming towards Josie to save her, not moving away from her.

 

Josie stares at her hands, which are wrapped so tightly around the narrow bar that her knuckles are pure white. Her fingers are dark red, almost purple. She swallows roughly, knowing her grip isn't going to last much longer. 

 

Squeezing her eyes shut, Josie thinks about how it might be better not to look as she plummets down. It would be better to pretend that none of this is happening, none of this exists. She can hear Hope's boots letting out harsh squeaks against metal, rapid footsteps on ladder rungs. 

 

Maybe Hope had left her, or abandoned her. Maybe this is a new test of Josie's strength, of her bravery. She breathes in through her nose and out through her mouth, attempting to count her breaths in order to calm herself. 

 

Come on, Hope. Do something. 

 

Something wheezes and cracks through the air. The bar Josie holds begins to shutter through her grip, and she clenches her teeth as she fights to hold onto it. Until she realizes that she is moving, not the bar.

 

The wheel is moving. Air wraps around her ankles and wrists as the wind hurls up, like a geyser. 

 

Opening her eyes and feeling herself quickly descending, Josie laughs to herself, giddy with hysteria as the ground creeps closer and closer. She realizes she'll need to drop at just the right moment in order to avoid colliding with the moving carts on the side. Every muscle in her body tenses as she hurtles towards the ground, and when she can see the scattered cracks in the sidewalk, she drops. 

 

Her body slams into the ground, feet first, her legs collapsing beneath her at the contact. Her hands drift up to touch her palms to her face, finding her cheeks to be hot to the touch.

 

Josie doesn't try to get up just yet. If she tried, she's sure she would fall right back down, a wave of stinging present throughout her ribcage. Hope's hands wrap around her wrists in an instant, and the brunette allows the instructor to pry her hands from her eyes. 

 

Hope encloses one of Josie's hands perfectly wrapped between the two of hers. The warmth of the girl's skin overwhelms the ache in Josie's fingers from holding onto the bars. 

 

"We made it out alive." Hope smiles, pressing their hands together. "You okay?" 

 

"I think." Josie croaks. She peers up at Hope, finding a gentle glint in the blue of her eyes. 

 

Hope's smile grows and she begins to laugh then, and after a still moment, Josie can't help but laugh with her. With her free hand, the brunette pushes herself up into a sitting position, suddenly aware of how little space there is between the two of them.

 

That space feels charged with electricity, just how it did only two days ago. Hope is still giggling softly when she stands, pulling Josie up to stand with her. 

 

"You could have told me that the ferris wheel still worked." Josie sighs, trying her best to sound casual as her heart still beats inside her throat. "We wouldn't have had to climb and risk death in the first place."

 

"Don't you think I would have said something if I had known?" Hope is still laughing. Her hands are still holding onto one of Josie's own with a tight grip. "I had to save your life somehow, so I took a risk. Come on, we have a flag to capture." 

 

Hope glances down at their hands for a moment before moving one hand away, the other entangling their fingers together. If they were in any other faction, Josie is sure she would've been given time by the instructor in order to recover.

 

But, they are Dauntless, so Hope smiles at her once more and begins to guide them towards the carousel in a light jog, where members of their team should still be guarding their flag. 

 

Josie still feels weak from the chaotic mess that occurred just a few minutes ago, but her mind is charged and awake, especially with Hope's hand within hers. 

 

Penelope is perched onto one of the horses of the carousel, her legs crossed and her hand holding onto the pole that holds the plastic animal upright. The team's flag is behind her, a glowing triangle in the dark. Three of the Dauntless-born initiates stand among the other worn and dirty horses beside her friend. 

 

"Where is everyone else?" Hope asks in a haste. She looks as excited as Josie feels in this moment, her blue eyes pierced wide with energy. 

 

"Did you guys turn on the wheel?" One of the Dauntless-born girls perks up, her tone panicked. "What the hell were you thinking? You might as well have just shouted here we are, come and get us! If I lose again this year, the shame will be so unbearable. I mean, come on, three years in a row! I don't-"

 

"The wheel doesn't matter, chill out." Hope laughs at her, thankfully shutting her up. "We know where they are."

 

"We?" Penelope asks, her gaze drifting back and forth between Josie and Hope. 

 

"Yes. We." Hope says as if it's obvious. "While the rest of you guys were twiddling your thumbs, Josie climbed the ferris wheel to get a good vantage point on the other team." 

 

"What do we do now then?" Uriah jumps down from the plastic horse, a grin etched onto his face. 

 

Hope glances to Josie then, as if she's awaiting an answer. Josie swallows when she notices that all the eyes of the other initiates, including Penelope, all migrate onto her. Her shoulders tense up, feeling the sudden urge to shrug and claim that she doesn't know, until an image of the pier stretching out beneath her drifts into her mind. 

 

"Split in half." Josie says, her grip on the gun strap around her shoulder tightening. "Four of us should go to the right side of the pier and the other three should go to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four should charge forward in a surprise attack and the group of three should sneak around from behind in order to get the flag." 

 

Penelope gawks at Josie like she no longer recognizes her. Josie can't say that she blames her. 

 

"Perfect!" Uriah calls out, clapping his hands together. "Let's do this thing, shall we?" 

 

They split up, and Penelope joins Josie among the group going to the right, as well as Uriah. They start running, racing towards where they know the other team is, and the brunette has to run twice as fast in her weak state to keep up with the two of them. Though she can hardly breathe as it is, they pick up their speed even more when a chorus of yelling sounds through the air. 

 

Josie pulls her gun from around her body, her finger hovering over the trigger as the three of them reach the end of the pier, and she has to clamp her mouth shut to keep her loud breaths in.

 

Their footsteps ease down slowly so they aren't as loud as Josie begins to search for the blinking light again. On the ground, it should be bigger and much easier to see. Spotting it soon enough, she points towards it and Uriah nods, taking the lead in front. 

 

Another spike of shouting cuts through the air, so loud it causes Josie to jump. She hears puffs of paintballs flying through the air, splatting loudly against their targets. While the brunette's team is charging forward, members of the other team are running for the other side of the pier, leaving the flag almost unguarded. 

 

"Go, go!" Uriah yells out, taking aim and pointing his gun towards the flag guard on the other team. It's Maya. Before the girl has a chance to defend herself, Uriah shoots a paintball into her thigh, and Maya throws her gun to the ground in a tantrum. 

 

Josie sprints to catch up to Penelope as the two of them approach the flag hanging from a tree branch. It's high up, but Josie pushes herself to jump up and grab it, snatching it from the branch.

 

Penelope's hand clasps over hers as they turn towards everyone else with the flag in their embrace, shouts of victory with equal angry voices cutting through air around them.

 

The shouts of triumph from the brunette's team become infectious, and she lifts her own voice to join in. 

 

A hand touches Josie's shoulder from behind, causing her to turn and find Hope grinning brightly. Her voice is just above a whisper when she says, "Well done."

 

 

Chapter 14

Summary:

enjoy angst xoxo

 

"I can't believe I missed it!" MG yells out with a whine, his head bobbling back and forth. 

 

"You snooze, you lose. Me and Jo are just better." Penelope giggles, still fiddling the stem of the flag between her fingers. Wind pouring into the doorway of the train car blows her raven colored locks in every direction. 

 

Landon groans, a fist rubbing at a splatter of paint on his wrist. "Why did I have to be on the other team?"

 

"Because life's not fair, Landon. And the world is conspiring against you right before your very eyes." MG winks, nudging the other boy with his elbow. "Hey, can I see the flag again?"

 

On the other side of the train car, Jed is sitting hunched over with Maya right by his side. Their chests and backs are splattered all across with blue and pink streaks of paint, and they look more than dejected.

 

The two of them are speaking quietly between themselves, sneaking looks in Josie's direction but more specifically at Penelope holding the flag. 

 

It makes Josie thankful she is not the one holding the flag in this moment, it lessens the target on her back. At least, a little less than usual. 

 

"So, you climbed the ferris wheel, huh?" Uriah's voice pulls Josie from her thoughts as he sits down in the empty space beside her. Sasha follows right behind him and they both peer at the brunette with a look of curiosity, as if they're reading her. She nods, attempting to smile back at them. 

 

"Pretty smart of you, I'd say." Sasha squints at her. "Like... Erudite smart. I'm Sasha, Dauntless-born. What's your name, new girl?"

 

"Josie." Josie ignores the way Sasha's eyes scan her figure repeatedly. Being compared to Erudite would be an insult if she were still in Abnegation, but Sasha seems to say it like it's nothing short of a compliment. 

 

Sasha grins, her eyes bulging in excitement. "Oh, yeah! I know who you are! The first jumper tends to stick in your head. Nonetheless, a former stiff!"

 

It has been years since Josie jumped off the rooftop in her Abnegation uniform - it has been decades. 

 

Uriah holds a paintball in one hand, rolling it between his thumb and index finger when suddenly the train lurches sharply to the left.

 

The boy falls into Josie at the movement, his fingers accidentally pinching the paintball until it splatters, a streak of pink and foul-smelling paint spraying against the brunette's face. 

 

Sasha collapses over in loud giggles, all while Josie takes her hand and wipes off some of the paint from her face. Within a thoughtless moment, she turns to Uriah and smears the liquid across the boy's cheek. The scent of bitter oil wafts through the entire train car. 

 

"Ew!" Uriah sputters, moving to squeeze the ball at Josie again but the opening is at the wrong angle, and the paint then sprays into his mouth instead. He coughs out loudly and makes exaggerated gagging sounds. 

 

Josie wipes off the remaining paint from her cheek, laughing so hard at the boy's expression that her stomach begins to hurt. In a sudden thought, she realizes that if her entire life looks like this - loud moments of laughter and bold action and the sort of exhaustion she feels after a hard yet satisfying day - she should be content.

 

She watches as Uriah scrapes his tongue with his fingertips, his eyes squeezed shut. All she has to do is make her way through the rest of initiation, and this life will officially be hers. 

 

___

 

The next morning comes quickly. Josie trudges into the training room along with the rest of the initiates, a yawn tearing from her mouth. On one end of the training room, a large target stands tall, and beside the door is a wooden table with knives strewn all across it. 

 

Target practice, again. Josie feels a sudden gratitude, at least it shouldn't be painful. 

 

Eric is standing in the middle of the room, his eyes glaring holes into the floor and his posture so rigid it looks as if his spine has been replaced with a metal rod.

 

The sight of him makes Josie feel as if all the air in the room is as heavy as bricks, bearing down on top of her shoulders. At least when the blonde haired leader is usually slouched against the wall, she could pretend that he wasn't even there.

 

Today it seems that she can't pretend. 

 

"Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one." Eric declares, that vicious gaze lifting to scan the initiates. "You will resume fighting then, but for today, you'll be practicing your aiming. Everyone pick up three knives, then pay attention while Hope demonstrates the proper technique for throwing them." 

 

Josie notices that his tone is deep, even more than usual. There's a dark aura to the leader today, as if he could snap at any moment. That fact is proven when no one is moving at his command, causing Eric to huff, "Now!"

 

The initiates all scramble quickly towards the wooden table, each of them choosing three daggers. They don't feel nearly as heavy as guns, but Josie finds they still feel quite strange when she holds them. Almost as if she is not allowed to hold them. 

 

"Someone's in a bad mood today." Penelope mumbles, fiddling with one of the daggers in her hand. 

 

"Is he ever in a good mood?" Josie can't help but mutter in response.

 

Josie realizes what Penelope means. Judging by the poisonous glare that Eric gives Hope when she doesn't seem to pay attention to him, the loss he took last night must have bothered him more than he let on. Winning capture the flag is a matter of pride, and pride is something that is highly important to anyone in Dauntless. More important than reason or sense to Eric, it seems.

 

Hope takes position, and Josie watches the instructor closely as she throws a knife at the target. The brunette carefully analyzes her stance, the placement of her feet and hands, the angle her shoulders are rolled back. She hits the target each time she throws a knife, and she exhales through her mouth each time she releases.

 

"Line up!"

 

Haste won't do her any favors, and Josie realizes that she has to think of this practice as a mental exercise rather than a physical exercise. She spends the first few minutes practicing her position without throwing anything, carefully finding the right stance and analyzing the correct arm motion. She ignores the way Eric paces entirely too quickly behind them as they begin to throw.

 

"I think the stiff took too many hits to the head!" Jed is a few feet away from her, pointing the tip of his knife in her direction. "Hey, stiff! Remember what a knife is?"

 

Ignoring the words, Josie practices a throwing motion with a knife in her hand, although not allowing herself to release it. She blocks any stray thought from her mind. Eric's deliberate pacing, Jed's stupid jeering remarks, and even the nagging pit in her stomach she feels from Hope staring right at her. 

 

She throws the knife on the count of three. 

 

The knife spins quickly, end over end, and then slams into the board. The blade doesn't stick, but Josie is the first person to actually hit the center of the target. When she notices Jed missing his own throw again, she can't help but smirk and doesn't bother to stop herself from calling out to him. "Hey, Jed. Remember what a target is?"

 

An hour of constant knife throwing later, Landon is the only initiate that has yet to hit the target. His throws don't even come close, all of the knives instead clattering towards the ground or bouncing off the wall. While Josie and the others are approaching the board to collect their weapons, Landon hunts the floor for his own. 

 

The next time that Landon tries, and of course misses, Eric marches straight up to him with his arms crossed and a sneer to his lips. "How slow are you, Amity? Do you need glasses, or should I move the target right in front of you - would that help?"

 

Landon's face turns red, and he doesn't look Eric in the eye when he throws another knife, this one sailing a few feet to the right side of the target. It spins chaotically before smacking against the wall, the clatter loud as it hits the ground. 

 

"That was embarrassing." Eric chuckles quietly. His greedy eyes scan Landon with ill intent, as if he's recognizing a disgrace. Josie bites her lip at the sight, nervous for how this situation could play out.

 

"It... it slipped..." Landon sputters, the boy's palms lifting to wipe against his thighs. 

 

"Go and get it!" Eric smirks, but it fades just as quickly as he peers at the rest of the initiates who have just stopped throwing their knives. "Did I tell anyone to stop throwing?"

 

All too quickly, knives begin to hit the board again. Josie takes a deep breath, a wave of anxiety settling in the pit of her stomach. Sure, they have all seen Eric in an angry state before, but something about this is different.

 

Something about the look in the blonde haired leader's eyes is almost rabid. 

 

"But..." Landon stands frozen, his panicked eyes still refusing to meet Eric's own glare. "everyone's still throwing."

 

"I think you can trust your peers to aim better than you can." Eric's stare remains cruel as he shrugs. "I don't see them struggling to hit the board at all, so go and get your knife. Now."

 

Landon doesn't typically object to anything that they're told to do, especially if Eric is the one speaking the order. Josie doesn't particularly think the boy is afraid to do so, she just knows that he thinks objecting to commands is useless.

 

This time, however, Landon sets his jaw and finally stares at their leader in the eyes. It seems he's reached his limit of compliance. 

 

"No." 

 

Eric raises a single brow, his beady eyes turning even colder. "Are you afraid?"

 

"Afraid of getting stabbed by an airborne knife? Yes, I am." 

 

"Everyone stop!" Eric shouts.

 

The knives come to a halt, as does all conversation in the room. Josie grips the dagger in her hand tightly, unable to stop her jaw from falling slightly when she sees Eric smile.

 

"Clear out of the ring." The leader points a finger into Landon's chest. "Everyone except you." 

 

Josie drop the dagger in her hand, swallowing roughly when it hits the floor with a loud thud. She follows the rest of the initiates to the very edge of the room, watching as they all inch in front of her, eager to watch Eric's reprimanding in action.

 

Her stomach twists in disgust when Eric begins to pace in front of Landon, the leader never taking his eyes off the curly haired boy. 

 

"Stand in front of the target."

 

Even from the far end of the room, Josie notices the way Landon's fingers shake before he shoves them into his back pockets and follows the order. 

 

"Hey, Hope." Eric peers over his shoulder with a smirk. "Give me a hand with this." 

 

Hope is staring at him with a blank expression from where she stands and fiddling with the knife in her grasp. She uses the sharp point of it to scratch one of her eyebrows absentmindedly before approaching the center of the room. The instructor has slight dark circles beneath her eyes and a frown upon her lips - she seems to be as tired as all the initiates. 

 

"You're going to stand there while she throws those knives," Eric speaks to Landon slowly, as if he would have trouble comprehending him. "until you learn the technical skill of not flinching." 

 

"Is this really necessary?" Hope sounds bored when she asks the question with a sigh, but Josie notices that she doesn't look bored. Her face and body have grown tense and alert within the past two minutes. 

 

Josie clenches her fists, her heart rate picking up against her will. Regardless of how casual Hope sounds, she recognizes the instructor's question as a sense of a challenge.

 

The air feels thick when Eric stares at Hope, while she stares back just as coldly. Seconds continue to pass and the brunette's fingernails begin to bite into her palms.

 

"So, I have the authority here, remember that Marshall?" Eric says, and he's so threateningly quiet that Josie can barely hear him. "Here, and everywhere else."

 

Hope's expression doesn't change, but the smallest bit of color fades from her face. Her grip on the knives tighten and her knuckles turn a pure white shade as she turns to face Landon, who is still standing in front of the target with unblinking eyes. 

 

Josie stares at the way Landon's wide eyes refuse to close for even a second, to the way his shaking hands stay clasped to his side, and then to the determined lock of Hope's jawline.

 

Right before the instructor positions her back foot to take stance, Josie can no longer bear the hot anger coursing through her veins and doesn't think to stop herself from blurting out, "That's enough."  

 

Hope freezes, the knife in her hand turning and her fingers moving painstakingly over the sharp metal edge. Their eyes meet, and judging by just how hard of a look she gives Josie, it’s like the instructor is trying to light her on fire with purely her mind. 

 

Josie can't blame her for looking at her like that, she knows why.

 

She is beyond stupid for opening her mouth with Eric in the room. She is beyond stupid for opening her mouth at all. She can feel every single pair of eyes on her when she continues, pretending the sudden attention isn't making her sweat. 

 

"Any idiot can stand in front of that target, it's not going to prove anything except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a clear sign of cowardice."

 

Eric glares at her as she speaks, but rolls his shoulders back and nods. "Well, stiff. It should be easy for you then, if you're willing to take his place."

 

The last thing Josie wants to do is stand in front of the target and have knives thrown at her, but she couldn't possibly back down. She made her bed, now she needs to sleep in it. She forces her posture up and keeps her eyes calm as she weaves between the rest of the initiates, and someone shoves her shoulder when she passes them. 

 

"There goes your pretty face." Jed hisses, a snicker erupting from Maya who stands right next to him. "Oh wait, I guess you don't have one anyways."

 

Landon gawks at her when she approaches him, and Josie tries to smile encouragingly in order to ease him, but she can barely manage it. She stands in front of the board when he saunters off, and she finds that her head doesn't quite reach the center of the target. Hope is glaring at her with one knife in her right hand and two in her left. 

 

A dry sensation in her throat forces her to try and swallow, but it travels down with a harsh scratch. Josie peers directly at Hope with a small nod, unbothered to match the older girl's vile expression.

 

She knows that Hope is precise, never sloppy in anything she does at all. Even climbing one hundred feet in the air while bearing a fear of heights. 

 

Hope won't hit her. 

 

Josie forces her chin to tilt up and licks the inside of her cheek. She won't flinch. She can't flinch. She can't prove to Eric that this task isn't as easy as she said that it was - it would only prove that she's a coward. 

 

"If I see you flinch," Hope's teeth are clenched, and she speaks slowly. Carefully. "then Landon takes your place. Do you understand me?"

 

She nods.

 

Hope's eyes are glued to her - still blazing harshly - when she lifts her hand and pulls her elbow back in an instant, throwing the knife. It's a silver flash through the air before a thud vibrates Josie's back. The knife is buried into the board about half a foot away from her cheek, her eyes fluttering closed at the sight. 

 

"You done yet?" Hope asks with a glint of annoyance in her tone.

 

A flash of Landon's wide eyes and his quiet sobs at night flash through her mind before Josie shakes her head. "No."

 

The instructor taps the space between her eyebrows with her index finger. "Eyes open." 

 

Hope passes a knife from her left hand into her right hand while Josie stares at her, pressing her closed fists behind her back in case they begin to shake. She can't allow that to be a visible sight.

 

Nothing but Hope fills her vision when the second knife hits the target, and this one lands exceptionally closer than the last one. The brunette can feel the metal hovering right above her skull.

 

"Come on, Josie." Hope huffs out, her gaze filled with nothing but irritation. "Give up. Let someone else stand there and take it."

 

Josie bites her tongue. Why is Hope trying to goad her into giving up, into embarrassing herself? Does the instructor suddenly want her to fail? Her inability to understand the girl angers her, and she can't control the words that fall out of her mouth next.

 

"Shut. Up." 

 

Hope laughs, but nothing is funny. She turns the last knife in her hand painfully slow while Josie holds her breath. The brunette can see another sly glint in Hope's eyes as she pulls her arm back, holding it still in the air for a spare second before letting the knife fly.

 

It hurtles straight at Josie's line of sight and her body falls rigid against the board, but she doesn't flinch. 

 

This time when she feels it smack against the board, Josie's ear grows hot and begins to generously sting, blood tickling her skin. Her fingers raise to touch her ear, finding the blade of the knife had nicked it.

 

Judging by the placate expression on Hope's face, the instructor had done it on purpose. 

 

It's silent for too long until clapping sounds through the air, and Josie shifts her gaze to find Eric behind the loud noise. "I would love to stay here and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is, but I think that's enough for today." 

 

The leader creeps up towards Josie and grasps her shoulder with one hand. His fingers are dry and cold, and the look he gives her is greedy. Like he's claiming ownership of her and what she just did. She turns her gaze down and avoids his eyes. "Huh. I should keep my eye on you."

 

At the words, fear stabs all around Josie's insides. In her chest. Her head. Her hands. She feels like the term divergent is suddenly branded bright red across her forehead, and if Eric stares at her long enough, in just the right way, he'll be able to read it. Instead, he lifts his hand from her shoulder and walks out of the room, and everyone else follow behind after a few moments. 

 

Hope stays behind, and Josie waits until the room is completely empty and the doors are shut tight before peering up at the instructor. The older girl has an unreadable expression as she's walking straight towards her. 

 

"Is your-"

 

"What the hell is your problem?" Josie spits out, anger taking over before she has any chance to stop it. "You cut me. On purpose!"

 

Thinking over her entire life up until this moment, she can count on one hand the amount of times she has allowed negative emotion to take over her entire body, and it's foreign, but she doesn't care. Not anymore. Nothing can stop Josie from snapping at Hope in the way the instructor deserves right now. 

 

Hope tears her eyes away from Josie, seemingly refusing to look at her after the outburst. "Yeah, obviously. And you should really be thanking me."

 

Gritting her teeth, Josie fights to hold back a humorless laugh. "Thanking you? You cut me and spent the entire time taunting me while I was up there. Correct me if I'm wrong now, but I'm finding it very difficult to see a reason as to why I would ever thank you for that." 

 

Hope exhales deeply - glaring at her - and even while she's glaring, her eyes shine with a glint of something close to thoughtful. Their shade of blue is peculiarly beautiful in the lighting of the training room. A blue as dark as midnight, with small specks of a shade resembling bluebells on the left iris, right beside the corner. 

 

"Take a breath and think about this." Hope is almost seething when she finally speaks, her gaze burning holes right into Josie. "I know you’re smart. Think about why exactly I would be angry at you for deciding to open your mouth. That looks like nothing but pure disobedience to Eric, and if I didn't hit you, you would still be standing there and I would still be growing tired of waiting for you to catch on!" 

 

"Catch on to what?" Josie crosses her arms against her chest, and she practically spits out the words in a zealous tone. "Huh? That you had to show Eric how tough you are to feed your pathetic ego? That you actually do want to join leadership and you can be just as easily sadistic as he is?" 

 

Hope's fist tightens. "Stop." 

 

The instructor doesn't yell, her teeth aren't clenched, and in fact, it seems the anger fades from her eyes all together. Josie wishes that she would yell, even just a little, it might scare her less than what she watches her do next. 

 

"I am a lot of things, but I'm not like Eric."

 

The words are calm and precise as Hope leans in closer, her face now just an inch away from Josie's own. It briefly reminds the brunette of when she was laying right in front of the attack dog's fangs during the aptitude test. "Don't doubt me when I say that if I wanted to hurt you, then I would have, and don’t tempt me to change my mind.”

 

Hope turns away from her after a long, still moment, crossing the room and slamming the point of a knife so hard into the wooden table that it sticks in the air.

 

"I-" Josie begins to shout after her until she notices that the door slams, and Hope is already gone. She clenches her eyes shut in pure, seething frustration and wipes some of the blood from her ear.

 

It's like it's one step forward, and two steps back when it comes to Hope.

 

___

 

Josie likes to think of Visiting Day like she thinks of her life coming to an end - nothing after it matters, and everything she does builds up to it. There's a chance she could see her parents again, and there's an equal chance that she couldn't. 

 

Which is worse? The answer is unclear. 

 

Everyone in the dormitory is finishing getting dressed in complete silence. Josie lifts her black jacket over her shoulders and zips it up as she glances towards Penelope sitting on her bunk, and not even her friend is muttering a single word. She realizes then that everyone knows just as much as she does how much of an uneasy feeling today brings.

 

Everyone may be on their way to the Pit floor to search every single face possible just to be unable to spot a single familiar one.

 

The door to the dormitory is shoved open and Eric walks in with a clap of his hands. "Attention! I want to give you all some advice for today. If by some miracle your families do come," He flicks a lock of blonde hair from his eyes and smirks. "which I doubt, then it is best to not seem too attached. It makes it easier for you and easier for them, as well. Attachment to your families would suggest to me that you aren't entirely pleased with your faction, which would be shameful. Faction before blood, am I understood?" 

 

An echo of yes sir echoes about the room, and Josie can hear the threat in Eric's voice with each word he speaks. The initiates begin to funnel out of the room on Eric's command, and once the brunette's eyes adjust to the dim hallway light, she can see Penelope and MG walking together in front of her. 

 

MG is laughing obnoxiously, presumably at some dumb joke Penelope had made, and the shorter girl is smiling brightly towards him. For some reason, Josie opts to stay behind rather than try to catch up to them. She thinks it would be a mistake to interrupt their moment. 

 

The thought makes her realize that she hasn't seen Landon since last night. He wasn't in the dormitory, and he is nowhere to be found in the crowded hallway. Maybe he's already present in the Pit. It's an open guess, but Josie remembers just how dreadful this day seemed to the curly haired boy. 

 

Josie runs her fingers through the loose waves that hang around her shoulders, and peers down towards the zip of her jacket to be sure her chest is covered. Her pants are suctioned to her legs, and her collarbones peek through the v-line of her jacket. A flash of her parent's faces, disapproved, pops up in her mind as she walks. 

 

Who cares if they approve? Josie sets her jaw and shakes the thought from her head. Dauntless is her faction now, not Abnegation. Tight black clothing is what her faction wears. This is who she is. 

 

Clusters of families stand on the floor of the Pit, most of them being Dauntless families with their initiate children. Although she should be used to their appearances, Josie finds some the adults still look a bit strange. She sees a mother with pierced eyebrows, a father with full sleeves of tattoos on each arm, an initiate boy with purple streaks in his hair. Nothing like this could have ever been seen in Abnegation. 

 

Josie feels a bubble of anxiety beginning to boil in her stomach at the endless sight of uniforms, but none of them gray. She doesn't even think that she should bother scanning the crowd anymore for her parents, and she almost turns around to race back to the dormitory until suddenly she sees her. 

 

A blonde woman in gray slacks and a gray jacket by the railing of a spiraled staircase. Her mother. She's standing with her hands clasped together in front of her and her lips pulled together into a thin line while she looks around almost eagerly. 

 

Josie all but races towards her as her heart rate picks up, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Her mother came. Her mother is here. The speed of her footsteps pick up even more when her mother's eyes land on her and seem to grow twice as wide. Like she had barely managed to recognize her. 

 

"Josette." Caroline whispers when Josie falls instantly into her embrace. The brunette feels a hand running through her hair tenderly and wills herself not to cry at the touch. She pulls back to look at her mother with a bright smile.

 

Caroline lifts a hand to Josie's cheek and holds her face, blue eyes fluttering all around her figure. "You look so beautiful. So strong. Tell me how you are, honey."

 

"You first." Josie can feel the old habits threatening to break from their cage. She should let her mother speak first.

 

Caroline hums all too knowingly. "Today is about you. I came to see you, so I want to talk about you. Think of it as my gift."

 

Selfless. As always. Josie feels her heart burn at the thought that her mother should not be giving her gifts, not after she had abandoned her parents in the way she did.

 

"Okay." Josie sighs, grabbing hold of her mother's hand and interlocking their fingers. "Just... one question. Where is Dad? Did he go and visit Elizabeth?"

 

"Your father had to be at work. It was important, or else he would've came."

 

It feels like a lie, or at least a false shadow over what is actually true. Josie feels a sudden weight on her shoulders when she pictures the last good memory she had with her father. "You can tell me if he didn't want to come. I can handle the truth."

 

Caroline blinks at her, but smiles graciously as she squeezes their hands together. "Your father has had his fair share of selfish tendencies lately. But, he loves you. I promise."

 

Her father - selfish?

 

It brings a foul taste in her mouth, to think of her father as selfish. More startling than the label is the fact that her mother had assigned it to him. She must be angry with him for whatever reason to describe him with such a term.

 

"Well, what about Elizabeth? Are you going to visit her?"

 

"I wish I could." Caroline shakes her head and scratches at her temple. "Erudite demanded that Abnegation visitors are prohibited from entering their compound. Even if I tried, I would be removed from the premises."

 

Josie frowns. "Why would they do that?"

 

"Tension between our factions are higher than ever. Niklaus has been doing everything that he can to discredit anything your father does, he doesn't seem to be letting up in anyway and it's grown to be an irritation to your father, to say the least. I wish it wasn't like this, but there's really nothing I can do."

 

"Power hungry still, it seems. That's terrible." Josie looks out towards the chasm when her mother only nods in response, and it doesn't take long for her gaze to settle on Hope.

 

The instructor is standing alone against the railing. Though she is no longer an initiate, Josie knows most of the Dauntless use today in order to come together and spend dedicated time with their families. It's either that Hope has a family that doesn't like to come together, or she isn't originally from Dauntless.

 

It brings her to recall one particular night in the dining hall when Josie had tried to initiate a conversation with Hope during dinner, and had attempted to ask her if she was a transfer as well as Eric was. The question had only made Hope tense up and fleet away, and she can remember the way she had been called a stiff by the instructor's defensive tone.

 

If she had to guess, Josie wants to assume Hope is a transfer, although she's not sure why that feeling is. She can't depict between any of the factions the older girl could have came from. It must be because she seems so… Dauntless.

 

"There's one of my instructors." Josie points towards where Hope is standing when Caroline meets her gaze. "She's kind of intimidating."

 

Caroline smiles. "It seems like all of the Dauntless women are beautiful."

 

Josie can feel herself nodding purely on instinct, and she frowns in embarrassment when she hears her mother laughing softly from beside her. When her mother begins to guide the two of them in Hope's direction, the brunette almost dares to turn them right back around.

 

She has been trying her best to avoid the instructor ever since the knife throwing incident, and she doesn't particularly feel any different in this moment. 

 

Just as Josie is about to suggest that the two of them go somewhere else, Hope peers over her shoulder and stares directly at her. 

 

"Hi, I'm Caroline Saltzman." Caroline offers a gentle hand to Hope, and it takes the instructor a spare second until she accepts it. She looks almost startled by their presence, like she wasn't expecting to see Josie, the tension between them still present. "I'm Josette's mother."

 

"Hope Marshall." Hope replies, her eyes hesitant but the smile on her lips seems welcoming. "It's very nice to meet you. I've been overseeing your daughter's training and I can assure you she is doing wonderfully here."

 

"That's excellent news." Caroline hums. "I know a few things regarding Dauntless training, and I was a little worried about her if I'm honest."

 

Hope looks to Josie then, capturing the brunette's eyes within her own before they scan even lower, all across her entire being. There's a flash of something within her irises, but Josie can't tell what it is. "You absolutely shouldn't worry.”

 

Heat rushes into Josie's cheeks within an instant. She forces her eyes down and chews on her bottom lip, hoping the blush isn't noticeable to her instructor. She's still mad at her. She doesn't want to be mad, but she is. Damn Hope for being so confusing.

 

Hope can't just make her feel things, almost kiss her, and then stab her in the ear. It makes no sense. The random complimenting of Josie to her mother isn't going to change her feelings or ease the constant headache that Hope gives her. Maybe in time, if the instructor somehow stops being so confusing, but something tells Josie that isn't going to happen anytime soon. 

 

Besides, is Hope only reassuring her mother because she's standing right there, or does Hope really believe that Josie is capable? Sure, the instructor has spoken the words before, but with all the infuriating back and forth behavior, the brunette doesn't know what's true and what's not anymore. 

 

Why is Hope still staring at her?

 

Caroline tilting her head with a hum causes Hope to finally glance away from Josie and turn her attention back to the blonde woman. "Hope, you look so oddly familiar for some reason."

 

"I can't imagine why." Hope responds. Her voice has a slight chill to it, yet she smiles. It looks misplaced. Josie can't tell if it's genuine in the way a panicked glint shines in the instructor's eyes at her mother's comment.  

 

Caroline giggles softly, half air and half sound escaping her lips. Josie notices how her mother's eyes are still scanning Hope as if she is a puzzle. "My mistake, then. There was just something about you… maybe you just look like someone else I've met before."

 

Hope is still smiling, and Josie squints at the way both her shoulders and raised eyebrows seem to relax. "Well, I'll leave you guys be. It was nice to meet you, Caroline." 

 

Josie watches her leave the Pit entirely, wondering why Hope had began to act so strangely towards the end of the conversation. Was she annoyed to see Josie, or did she not want to speak with her or her mother considering the tension between the two of them?

 

If it isn't the stupid tension between the two of them, it brings a thought to her mind that maybe Hope had transferred from Erudite, and maybe she doesn't like speaking with members of Abnegation. Or maybe she believes the articles that Erudite released on Abnegation are true, and she couldn't bother to contain her own personal emotions when speaking with someone bearing a gray uniform.

 

"Hmm." Caroline's voice snaps Josie out of her thoughts. There's a certain look in her mother's eyes as they stay pinned to the door that Hope had walked out of, and Josie can't depict what she's thinking. "Is she always like that?"

 

"Worse." Josie can't help but laugh.

 

"That’s… interesting." Caroline grabs hold of her arm with a generous squeeze and begins to walk towards an open door. There's still an unreadable glint in her eye, and Josie is caught between wanting to ask her mother what she's thinking about, and why is she is leading them out of the Pit. She doesn't get the chance to ask anything when her mother turns to her and smiles.

 

"Have you made any friends?"

 

They're walking fast, seemingly towards the dining hall but right before they reach it, Caroline takes a sharp left turn and leads them down a dark hallway that Josie doesn't recognize. 

 

"Um..." Josie sputters as her eyes bulge out at the way her mother's movements seem too calculated, as if she knows exactly what she's doing. "A few. Mom, how do you know where you're going?" 

 

The two of them stop walking when finally Caroline halts right beside a locked door, standing on the tips of her toes and peering inside at the base of a blue lamp hanging from the ceiling. Josie is still staring at her mother with wide eyes, a million questions, when she turns to face the brunette again.

 

"Hey, I said no questions about me." Caroline smiles, although it doesn't reach her eyes. "You still haven't told me how you're doing. How have the fights been? What's your rank like?"

 

"How do you know about that?" Josie looks at her like she's suddenly declared herself to be selfish. This makes no sense. Her mother may work alongside the government, but she mostly holds herself concerned to overview tasks regarding the factionless sector of the city, not the faction initiation process. Her mother is looking at her now like she knows exactly the processes she's had to go through.  

 

Caroline has an amused look on her face, her brows furrowing cluelessly. "It's not like it's top secret information, you know."

 

Josie isn't convinced, but she slowly mutters, "I'm close to the bottom."

 

"Good." Her mother exhales through her mouth, grabbing onto Josie's shoulders. She frowns at the contact. "No one looks too closely at the bottom. What were your aptitude test results?"

 

At the mention of the aptitude test, Tori's words of warning pulse against Josie's temple like a migraine. She should tell her mother that her test results were Abnegation, since that's what Tori had said she input into the system. The feeling forces herself to look into her mother's eyes, and opens her mouth to lie to her, but the words catch in her throat.

 

Her mother. This is her mother. She can trust her.

 

"They were inconclusive."

 

"I thought so." Caroline is expressionless. Josie can't tell if she just did the wrong thing or not.

 

"Mom, what's going on? I don't get this, I don't-"

 

Caroline shushes her, gripping her shoulders tighter. "I don't care what faction you chose. I'm happy as long as you are, but I'm your mother and all I want is to keep you safe."

 

Shouts of conversation and laughter cut through the silent air, and Caroline peers over her shoulder worriedly at the sudden noise. A distinct smell of baked bread coming from the dining hall floats through the air. When her mother turns to look at her again, Josie notices the locked jaw and determined eyes.

 

"There's something I want you to do." Her mother says encouragingly. "I can't visit your sister, but you can as soon as initiation is over. Go find her and tell her to research the simulation serum, okay?"

 

"Not unless you explain some of this to me!" Josie crosses her arms and has to force herself not to yell the words, frustration building within her more than she appreciates.

 

"I can't, I'm sorry." Her mother kisses her cheek and brushes a strand of loose brunette hair behind her ear, and Josie's shoulders fall in defeat. "I need to leave. It will make you look better if you and I don't seem too attached."

 

"I don't care how I look to them." Josie mumbles quietly. She does, however. Not for the sake of her ego, but for the sake of her growing fear regarding what she is and what it means.

 

"You should." Caroline stares pointedly at Josie. "I'm sure they're already monitoring you."

 

With one last smile, her mother turns and walks to the opposite end of the hallway and out of the door, and leaves Josie alone.  

 

 

Chapter 15

Summary:

long flashback chapter, hope's point of view. i'm sure lots of questions will be answered with this one

 

The small apartment is bare, the floors still streaked with broom strokes in the corners. Hope doesn't own anything in order to fill the room beyond the last Erudite uniform she will ever wear, a navy blue skirt and matching long sleeve. It lays on the bare mattress in front of her in a bunched up pile, and her lips turn in disgust before she opts to instead throw it across the room. 

 

Dramatic, sure. But she hates it. She hates those colors and what they remind her of, or better yet, who they remind her of. Hope tries to shake the picture of his face from her mind before she kneels down and looks through the drawers beneath the mattress to find bed sheets. 

 

The Dauntless lottery was kind to Hope, since she was ranked first of her class. She was blessed with her own personal space, an apartment all to herself. Unlike her outgoing fellow initiates, she wanted to live alone. It's something she dreamed of longer than she can remember.

 

No, it's something she's dreamed of ever since she had to resort to covering bruises and welts all across her body. 

 

Her best friends, Jade and Rafael, weren't transfers like she was. They grew up surrounded by the Dauntless community, and to them, the silence of stillness of living alone would probably be unbearable. But, not to Hope. This is what she wants. 

 

Hope makes the bed quickly, pulling the top sheet taunt to where it almost displays clean corners. The sheets are slightly faded in the black color, presumably from prior use. The comfortor is a quilt-like material, a mostly black cloth with red trimming. It smells like cedar wood. 

 

She hears a knock, and Hope says, "Come in!" believing the new presence to be either Jade or Rafael. When one of the leaders Marcel walks into the apartment, the auburn haired girl rises to her feet. She watches as he glances around the room thoughtfully and clasps his hands together in front of him. 

 

There is a faction leader in her apartment. Why?

 

"Hello." Hope says awkwardly, unsure of what else to say. She offers a small smile for good measure when he meets her gaze.

 

"Sorry to interrupt!" Marcel matches her smile. "I'm surprised you didn't choose to room with your fellow former initiates. You made some friends, didn't you?"

 

"Oh, yeah." Hope nods. "This just feels more normal, is all. I like to be alone."

 

"I guess it's good to take some time to yourself. Gives you time to let go of your old faction." Marcel hums, his fingertips skimming the counter of the small kitchen. Some dust particles drift through the air in the stream of sunlight shining into the room. "How are you adjusting? I'm sure your father was displeased to see you leave the Mikaelson ground."

 

"I wish to untie myself from my family name, with all due respect. My father can take care of himself. In fact, I'm taking my deceased mother's maiden name, Marshall." The word father practically burns Hope's tongue when she says it. He is anything but that. She hates the fact that Marcel knows where she has come from. "Faction before blood, right?"

 

Marcel smirks at the quote, and looks at her almost beaming with pride. "That's what I like to hear. I respect the Mikaelsons wholeheartedly, but I can't say I'm not glad to see your skill in the Dauntless compound." 

 

Hope doesn't know what to say to that. Her gaze trails to the floor, a fake smile forcefully tugged at her lips. She wonders briefly if the leader will ever leave her apartment.

 

"You're going to be picking your job this afternoon." Marcel says with a glint in his gaze. Like he's eager for information. "Did you have anything in mind?" 

 

"I guess that depends on what's available." Hope responds, a shrug to her shoulders. She's only given dedicated thought to only one thing in particular, though. "I'd like to do something with teaching, sort of what Dorian does, maybe."

 

"I think the number one ranking initiate can do a little bit better than initiation instructor, don't you?" Marcel's eyebrows lift surprisingly high. One doesn't move as much as the other, as Hope notices it's crossed with a lengthy scar. There's something underlying in the way that he says the words, like he's calculating them carefully. "I came here because an opportunity has opened up." 

 

Marcel pulls a chair out from beneath a small dining table near the kitchen counter, turns it, and sits on it backwards. His black boots are caked with dried mud and the laces are knotted, fraying out at the ends. His smile shines up at Hope as he sits, and she notices just how young and excited he looks. He's only thirty, but he always seems to carry himself to appear much older. 

 

"To be honest, one of my fellow leaders of Dauntless is getting a little too old for this job..." Marcel trails off. Hope sits down on the edge of her bed in the feeling that this isn't going to be a short conversation. "The remaining four of us were talking about it, and we think it would be a good idea to get some new blood in the leadership. Like, transfer blood. New ideas for new Dauntless members and initiation training, to be specific." 

 

Hope is completely clueless as to what kind of point Marcel is trying to make, but she tries to appear as intrigued as possible and nods along as he talks.

 

"That task is usually given to the youngest leader anyway, so it would be a good fit, for someone young but skilled such as you. We were thinking of drawing from the more recent initiate classes for a training program to see if anyone is a good candidate, but there's no argument between any of us when we look at you. You're a natural choice." 

 

Hope's skin suddenly feels too tight against her bones, and a flash of heat spreads throughout her body. Is Marcel actually suggesting that at the age of sixteen, she could qualify as a Dauntless leader?

 

"The training program will last at least a year." Marcel continues, and Hope is too aware of how weirdly quiet she is being. "It will be rigorous and test your skills in a lot of areas, but we both know you'll do just fine in the fear landscape portion."

 

Hope forces a nod, suddenly aware of how well she is capable of disguising her true emotion. Marcel doesn't know just how well she had to train her own mind in order to develop the skills she has, just how easy she can manipulate the simulations and remain undetected. He doesn't know the abominable amount of trauma she has gone through that has forced her into the person she is now. The divergent, almost emotionless soldier. He has no idea. 

 

"You won't need to go to the job selection meeting later today." Marcel smirks and scratches the back of his neck with a red pen. "Training will start tomorrow morning."

 

"Wait," Hope blurts out, her eyes widening as a thought breaks through the puddle that is her mind right now. "you mean, I don't have a choice?"

 

Marcel's eyes snap up to stare directly into hers, and he looks more than puzzled. "Of course you have a choice. I just assumed someone like you, with raw potential, would rather train to be a leader than spend all day standing around with a gun on their shoulder, or lecturing initiates about good fighting techniques. But, if I was wrong..."

 

Hope doesn't know why her throat goes dry, she doesn't know why she can't feel anything except hesitation. Of course she doesn't want to spend each and every day guarding the fence, or patrolling the city, or even pacing the training room floor. She may have an aptitude for fighting, but that doesn't mean she wants to commit to it day in and day out.

 

The chance to make a difference in Dauntless appeals to the majority of her, the part of her that isn't thinking of the fine-line inner workings in this moment.

 

"No, you weren't wrong, sir." Hope clears her throat when her voice cracks, and she shakes her head with ease. "I'd love the chance at this opportunity. Thank you."

 

"Excellent, Hope. That's great." Marcel lifts from where he's seated with a bounce to his step. He holds out a hand for her to shake and she swallows roughly before grasping it. "Come to the conference room near my office tomorrow morning at seven sharp. It's on the tenth floor in the Pire."

 

Hope smiles and waves as Marcel exits the apartment, his boots scattering dried bits of mud as he walks out. She sweeps them up with the broom that leans against the wall near the door, the obsessive clean-freak in her demanding her to do so as soon as the door shuts.

 

It isn't until Hope takes the chair Marcel was sitting in and pushing it back underneath the table that it hits her. If she becomes a Dauntless leader, a representative of her faction, she'll be forced to come face-to-face with her father again. Not just once, but consistently, with no fleeting chance of avoidance. 

 

Her fingers fall numb and her heart jumps to her throat, and she has to sit on her bed before her body forces her to fall over. Hope has faced her fears before, many times in the simulations, but that doesn't mean she's ready to face them in reality.

 

Reality is not something she can manipulate.

 

Her father - he is not something that Hope can ever face again, not now when she has finally been graced with the life she has been chasing since she was ten years old. 

 

Not when she has finally escaped that fucking black belt. 

 

___

 

"Dude, you missed it!" Rafael's eyes are wide, concerned, when Hope looks at him. "The only jobs left by the end were fence-guarding and janitorial work! Where were you?"

 

"It's cool, dude." Hope laughs at his expression, her tray in hand as she follows her friend to the back table near the dining hall doors. "I didn't miss anything, Marcel actually came to see me earlier."

 

Jade is sitting at the table already with one of their other friends, Wendy, and right behind them is Uriah who is racing towards the table with a tray in his hand loaded with more food than he could ever possibly pack into his stomach.

 

Hope and Rafael take their seats at the table, and she begins to tell the story of how the leader had came to her apartment and made her an offer. She's careful to not make it sound too impressive. She only just found seemingly decent enough people to call friends, she doesn't want to create any possible tension between them for any reason.

 

When Hope finishes telling them about the offer, she notices Jade leaning her face into one of her hands. The blonde girl turns towards Rafael with a smirk upon her face. "We should've tried harder during initiation, huh?"

 

"Or jumped Hope before she could take her final test."

 

"Or both." Jade laughs, but she turns towards Hope with a smile stretching from ear to ear. It seems more than genuine. "Congrats, dude. If anyone deserves it, it's you."

 

Everyone's eyes on her feel like distinct beams of burning heat, and Hope swallows hard before changing the subject. "So, where did you guys end up?"

 

"Control room." Rafael shrugs. "My dad used to work there when he was younger, he taught me most of what I'll need to know already. It's pretty simple stuff."

 

"I'm in the patrol leadership group... thingy." Jade says. "Not super exciting, but at least I'll get to be outside most of the time."

 

"Yeah, let's hear you say that when it's the dead of winter and you're trudging through a foot of snow and ice." Wendy scoffs with a sour frown, mindlessly stabbing at the potatoes on her tray with her fork. "I swear, I better do well in initiation. I don't want to get stuck at the fence." 

 

"Didn't we already talk about this?" Uriah sighs when he turns to look at the dark haired girl. "I don't want to hear a peep about the i-word until at most two weeks before it happens, which means you aren't allowed to bring it up for another one hundred and four weeks. It makes me want to vomit just thinking about it."

 

The conversation dies off, and Hope pokes around her tray with her fork, her foot tapping aimlessly beneath the table. She hasn't felt much of an appetite since this morning, too worried about tomorrow to stand the feeling of a full stomach. 

 

Rafael seems to spot someone from across the dining hall, because he audibly gasps from beside her and nearly falls out of his chair when he moves to stand up. "I'll be right back!" 

 

Jade watches him cross the room to eagerly greet a few other members of Dauntless. Hope doesn't personally recognize them from initiation, so she figures they must be a year or two older. That fact is proven when she looks beyond the blonde girl that Rafael is talking to, and then spots at least one familiar face. His name is Eric, and she remembers that he was one of the two people in charge of leading her initiate class through physical combat training.

 

Eric seemed nice enough during training, but he had always given Hope a strange vibe. He liked to train with the initiates an odd way, as his physical training involved combating with each of the initiates himself on multiple occasions in order to give them pointers and test their strength.

 

Although the blonde haired boy is twice as big as Hope with an exceptionally noticeable difference in muscle mass, by the second round of sparring with him, she had managed to use her speed and agility to her advantage and easily pinned him down - something none of the other initiates, even Rafael, were able to do.

 

She thought the surprise Eric had expressed was slightly sexist at first, but she shook it off when he had actually gave her a thorough apology afterwards for doubting her and seemed to smile at her ever since that day with some strange look in his eyes. 

 

Something that looked like greed. Hope would be able to recognize it anywhere.

 

She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, though. Any other interaction with Eric was nothing out of the ordinary, but Hope made a mental notice of how many times it seemed that he tried to flirt with her. There was nothing too invasive about the way he spoke to her, but he would always go out of his way to talk to her rather than anybody else. It was... strange.

 

He is attractive, she will admit, but Hope doesn't particularly feel that way about him. She hasn't felt any sort of way about anyone since she was forced to get over the weird crush she had on Jade during the first week of initiation. It was purely physical, and it was easy enough to dismiss and laugh off when she found out that her blonde friend had a secret crush on Rafael.

 

Maybe they’re better off as friends, but Hope would be lying if she said that she wasn’t a little disappointed. In a rare moment of allowing herself to feel anything other than anxiety and shame, it was quickly shut down due to the circumstance of impossibility.

 

In the midst of being zoned out, Hope hadn't noticed Rafael plopping back down into his seat beside her. He turns to her with a mischievous grin. "So... whatcha doing tomorrow night?"

 

"Um... I don't know." Hope frowns. "Probably nothing, why?"

 

"Not anymore, girl. You're coming on a date with me."

 

Hope nearly chokes on the food in her mouth. "Excuse me?"

 

"I hate to tell you this, big brother," Uriah says with his eyebrows nearly touching his hairline. "but that's not really how you should ask a girl out."

 

Rafael squints at him in seemingly intense thought, until his eyes shoot open and he sputters. "Woah, wait! Not with me... sorry, I should have said that better. I meant, a double date. With me. Me with a girl, and you with a guy."

 

Hope frowns in complete confusion, waiting for him to continue. 

 

"I asked out Claire, I've been dying to do it for a while now. It's Eric's little sister, you remember him, right? She told me that he has a huge crush on you and she said we should all do something together! I thought you would be interested!" 

 

"Which one's Claire?" Jade tries to sound intrigued when she asks the question, but Hope recognizes the glint of pure melancholy in her gaze. 

 

"The blonde girl with the eyebrow piercing." Rafael comments before turning to Hope with puppy dog eyes. She realizes then that she has yet to say a single word. "So, eight o'clock tomorrow night, please? Come on, I'm begging you to come with me."

 

"I don't-" Hope starts to respond as he stares at her pleadingly, but she chokes on her own words. The thought of going on a date with anyone right now does not appeal to her in the slightest.

 

In fact, Hope has never even been on a date. There was no time to find herself interested in anyone during the hardships of her childhood, the constant anxiety that riddled her entire being each and every day. She was too busy trying to avoid her father, or cover the bruises left by him when she wasn’t lucky enough to avoid him. 

 

Finding herself clueless as to what to say, Hope bites her tongue when she feels herself beginning to cower. Defensive ways are easy to resort to, but she doesn't want to upset her friend. "Why don't you and Claire just go out, like on your own? Why does it have to be a double... thing?"

 

"Because Eric has a crush on you!" Rafael laughs, peering at her in confusion. He must think weirdly of the way she is being so evasive. "Come on, it's not a big deal. We can just hang out all together or something, but if you don't feel that way about him..." 

 

"I just don't really care about that kind of stuff... I guess." Hope laughs, unbothered to explain further, but she shrugs decidedly. There are worse ways to spend the evening, and Rafael is right, it is not a big deal.

 

Even if Eric likes her, she doesn't think that it has to mean anything, that Hope has to force herself to return those feelings. She figures that since the boy seems nice enough, she can just allow herself to feel special for the night, enjoy the courting and conversation, and just see what happens.

 

It could be another opportunity to unlearn her Erudite past and embrace her Dauntless future, embrace the new person she is. Maybe Eric will somehow peak her interest. 

 

"Okay, fine." Hope sighs, but can't help the smile the takes over at the way Rafael's eyes bulge out in excitement. If not anything else, at least she is making her friend happy.

 

“I’ll go.”

 

___

 

When Hope returns to her apartment that night, the smell of dust and cedar wood is still swirling in the air. She turns on the lamp sitting on her bedside table and stares at the glimmer of light reflecting on the floorboards. Although she knows she just moved in, it's clear that she should set a distinct time in order to clean up a bit thoroughly. 

 

The dust on the kitchen counter catches her eye all too quickly in the light, and Hope turns her nose up when she runs her fingers along the edge of it. A small piece of glass she hadn't noticed pricks her finger, and a thin trail of blood begins to drift down her skin, a drop landing within the dust. 

 

She pinches the glass and makes her way towards the trashcan in the corner of the room, remembering that she already lined a bag in the container this morning. Resting at the bottom of the bag is a pile of glass shards already present, assumably what was once a drinking glass. 

 

She frowns. She hasn't used any of the dishes in the cabinets yet. 

 

A shiver runs down her spine as her eyes snap up in a panic, glancing around the apartment for any more signs of disruption. The sheets on her bed are still neat, none of the drawers at the bottom of her bed are open, neither of the chairs in the kitchen or at her small desk in the corner of the room seem to have been moved. 

 

Hope would have known if she had broken a glass that morning, she knows that. So, who exactly was in her apartment when she wasn't? 

 

She tries to not give it much thought for the remainder of the night, and even in the morning when she wakes up, she decides that the only thing she can do is keep her guard up and pay extra attention to the apartment when she returns in the night. Hope stares at her reflection in the mirror before she leaves the apartment, and although she should be used to seeing black instead of blue, it's still a strange feeling sometimes. 

 

To see Dauntless black. Not Erudite blue. To see pants, compression shirts, and jackets that hug tight to her skin. Boots that lift her figure and make her over an inch taller. Not dresses or skirts, not turtlenecks and blouses.

 

She knows how hard it will be sometimes to continue to remind herself that she is new.

 

She is Hope Marshall - not Mikaelson. She is her own individual, not her father's daughter. She left Erudite out of fear and defiance, and the chance to chase a new identity. To escape her family. She belongs in these black clothes. 

 

Hope walks quickly towards the Pit, emerging through an arch halfway up the wall as she tries to tune out the loud stomping of her boots against the floor. She tends to walk on the lefthand side of the wall, as sometimes Dauntless children run up the right side without a care in the world, their laughter echoing all around them as they chase daring stunts.

 

Hope recognizes their bravery, but she knows she should be braver than they are without having to remind herself to do so. She isn't sure how bravery is something you acquire more with age, like wisdom. Maybe here, in Dauntless, bravery is the highest form of wisdom, and it comes with the acknowledgment that life can and should be lived without any fear. 

 

No fear of anyone, or anything. Let alone her own name. 

 

When Hope forces herself to climb the high staircase that ascends up and leads to Marcel's office on the tenth floor, her heart is pounding when she reaches the top, so hard she can feel it in her throat.

 

Marcel spots her glancing around questioningly through the glass window of his office, his hand raising to wave her inside. When she enters, there are a few people she doesn't quite recognize, but she doesn't pay them much attention before sliding into an empty seat.

 

"I think everyone is here, so let's get started." Marcel closes the door and stands tall in front of the large table that has eight chairs surrounding it, only four of them occupied. "You're all here because you've shown potential, but also because you've displayed enthusiasm for our faction and the future we lead ourselves towards."

 

Hope doesn't really recall how she's done that.

 

"Our city is changing, faster than ever before, and we have to keep ourselves in check to keep up, which means we have to change as well. We'll have to become stronger, better, faster, and braver than we are now. We'll be doing a combination of instruction and skills tests for the next several months, to teach you what you'll need to know if you make it through this program, but also to calculate just how quickly you learn."

 

Hope notices the way he says the last sentence. It's strange - it sounds almost like something Erudite would value, not Dauntless. 

 

"The first thing you'll do is fill out this info sheet." Marcel gestures to the stack of papers in his hand, and Hope bites her lip to hold back laughter. There's something quite ridiculous about a tough and hardened Dauntless warrior, a leader, having a stack of papers in his hand and calling them info sheets. He sends the stack around the table, along with a bundle of red pens.

 

"All this will do is tell us more personal things about you, and give us a starting point by which to measure your progress. So, it's in your best interest to be honest, and not to make yourself sound better than you are."

 

Hope feels a little unsettled when she stares at the piece of paper in front of her, but she takes the tip of the red pen from out between her teeth, and starts by filling out her name. 

 

Easy. Marshall, Marshall, Marshall. Hope Marshall. 

 

She frowns when she almost writes an I after the M. 

 

The next question is simple too, and she writes 16 into the blank spot beside the word age. The third question is asking for her faction of origin, and the fourth asks for the number of fears she has, the following question asking her to list what those fears are. 

 

A foul taste creeps into her mouth as she stares at the questions, unsure of how to describe her fears. The first two are easy, heights and darkness, and she doesn't feel hesitant as she watches her hand write the words on the paper. Hope bristles when she thinks of what to write next.

 

What is she supposed to say, that she's afraid of Niklaus Mikaelson? Her own father? No one else knows her origin, but Marcel does, and he's the one that has to read these stupid info sheets.

 

After entirely too long of staring blankly at the paper, she eventually scribbles in the words loud noises and loneliness, and she bites her lip before deciding to write abandonment as her last fear. It's not exactly not truthful, but Hope hates thinking about her fears. Hates thinking about what made them develop. 

 

The next few questions make her frown in confusion, taking notice of how strange they are. They're like statements, trickily worded, that Hope is supposed to say whether she agrees or disagrees with. 

 

It's okay to steal if it's to help someone else.

 

Okay, that's easy. Agree. 

 

Some people are more deserving of rewards than others.

 

Maybe... It depends on the rewards. Agree. 

 

Power should be given only to those who earn it. 

 

You don't know how strong someone really is until they are tested.

 

It is important to consider the feelings of others before your own.

 

Hope lifts her gaze, looking around at the few other people sitting at the table. Some of them appear puzzled or in deep thought, but none of them look the way that she feels - disturbed, almost afraid to circle an answer beneath each statement. It's peculiar, and she doesn't know what to do. 

 

She forces herself to stop thinking, and she circles agree for each one before passing her paper towards the center of the table. 

 

___

 

Rafael and his date, Claire, are pressed up cozily against the wall in a hallway next to the Pit. Hope can see their silhouettes moving from where she stands, and they look as if they are still as pressed up against each other as they were five minutes ago, when they had first stranded back there like giggling idiots.

 

Hope crosses her arms against her chest and turns back towards Eric, who has not stopped staring at her since he saw her. She had felt guilty for originally lacking interest in being here tonight, and she had truly tried her best to smile and converse with the blonde haired boy in front of her.

 

That effort quickly ceased when she couldn't shake the ditch in her stomach, bubbling anxiety from the way he keeps looking at her.

 

Greed. Hunger. Like he's practically undressing her with his eyes.

 

It's sickening. 

 

"So..." Hope trails off awkwardly, fighting the urge to bolt out of the Pit when Eric's eyes drift down towards her cleavage for barely a second. 

 

"So," Eric chuckles, sucking air between his teeth. He tips forward onto the balls of his feet and back onto his heels again, and it gives Hope a strange feeling. She doesn't know why he seems almost nervous. “this is a little awkward, isn't it?"

 

"Yeah, a little bit." Hope laughs, pushing her hesitation aside and resorting back to trying to speak civilly. She decides that if Eric seems to be nervous, then maybe he is. Maybe Hope is just overthinking things, maybe he's never been on a date before either. The Amity in her wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

 

"You look beautiful, by the way." Eric smiles at her then, and Hope notices that his eyes have finally drifted from hunger to something close to sincerity. She wonders if he actually means what he says. "I've always wanted to ask you out, but you're just so..."

 

"I'm so...?"

 

"Well, you're kind of a badass, honestly." Eric exclaims with a wide grin, and then he shrugs, shaking his head towards the ground. "I really think you're out of my league, that's why I never said anything before. I tried to, but I guess I couldn't tell how you felt about me. Figuring out how to be smooth when talking to a gorgeous girl who ranked first of her class is something that has troubled me for a while now."

 

"Right." Hope mumbles, and she wants to smack herself when she realizes that he's looking for reassurance. She forces a smile, the urge to rub at her knuckles growing.

 

Stupid nervous habit.

 

"I don't think I'm anything special, but that's very sweet of you to say. Thank you."

 

She curses herself for sounding so formal when Eric's smile drops for just a second. He must have been expecting a reciprocating compliment or something.

 

"You're pretty cool yourself." The words feel forced, but she says them anyways. She questions why this dating thing feels so weird, she doesn't know if it's just her, or if it's because Eric puts her off more than she'd like. 

 

"How long have you known Raf, exactly?" Eric asks. "I mean, I know you were in the same initiation class but I was just thinking about how I don't remember seeing you before I taught you guys." 

 

"Um..." Hope feels hesitant to admit that she was a transfer, the fear of anyone finding out where she came from present. She's been lucky thus far that no one has asked about her original faction, and she's been more than fearful that her luck will run out.

 

Tossing out hints about herself would be foolish, so she lies. “No, no. I was around, we've known each other a while."

 

Eric hums, but he's looking at her too intensely. Not in hunger, but in something that looks like he's studying her.

 

"So, how was your initiation process? Were you always in Dauntless?" Hope asks the question all in one breath as she fights to change the subject. A strange feeling is shadowing over her, and it makes the jacket she wears suction to her skin, burning her. She doesn't know why the feeling occurs, but it's shortening the air around her. 

 

Not now, anxiety. For the love of God.

 

"It was interesting, I must say. But, I enjoyed it. I wasn't sure how different I would feel about myself becoming Dauntless, but this is where I belong. I'd do anything to make a difference here. I have to say though, the fear landscapes were a bitch." Eric's voice picks up during the last sentence, and he looks to her with a smirk. "You can't say the same, I heard you flew through them with ease."

 

"Oh," Hope peers at him with curiosity. "you weren't Dauntless-born?"

 

"Nah, I wish that I was now that I know how good I feel here." Eric says with a shrug. "The only hard adjustment was missing my family, at first, but I detached quickly. Focusing on my training was my number one priority. Faction before blood really is a good concept. Did you miss seeing your family during your training?"

 

Hope bristles when he says the word family, that familiar pit in her stomach returning. That damn word, what does it even mean? She doesn't know.

 

But when she thinks about it, the only people she truly misses, beyond her deceased mother, are her aunts and uncles. They didn't abuse her, but they also didn't prevent the harm to her from happening either.

 

It's what's prevented Hope from allowing herself to think of them, think of just how much she misses the bond they all used to hold. She knows that Elijah's death was a despair too much to handle for her aunt Freya and aunt Rebekah, but she doesn't understand why the two of them seemingly just forgot all about her. 

 

She isn't even thinking when she says, "A little bit. My aunt Freya and-"

 

Hope wants to slap her hand to her mouth as she catches herself right before saying Rebekah's name. What the hell was she thinking? She almost just ruined everything.

 

She is not that person anymore, she's not. She's almost afraid to look up at Eric, the fear that she had just exposed her true identity present. 

 

The anxiety builds from her stomach and creeps up in the form of bricks against her shoulders when she feels Eric gently grasp her hand within his, and it seems genuine when he says, "Hey, it's okay. I get it. It can be hard, but detachment will get easier soon. Especially for someone like you." 

 

His hand squeezes before letting go, and Hope realizes that she should say something quickly when she feels the urge to cry.

 

She clears her throat, mustering up the best fake smile she can, and turns to him again. "Thanks. Faction before blood is something I'm still getting used to, I guess."

 

"That's okay."

 

Eric is smiling at her too weirdly. It makes Hope sweat beneath the attention, beneath the sincere gaze. She realizes that he said earlier he wasn't originally from Dauntless, and it makes her curious as to what his original faction was. If she had to guess, then maybe Candor. He seems like the brutally honest type. 

 

"So, if you weren't Dauntless-born, where'd you come from?"

 

"Oh, I transferred from Erudite." 

 

Eric is looking at her, and his mouth is moving, but Hope can't hear anything he says. The anxiety is overtaking her, the ringing in her ears is growing louder, and her skin feels as if it's on fire. 

 

God, how could she be so stupid?

 

Marcel knowing her faction of origin is one thing, he is a leader. He has to know where she comes from, but it doesn't matter to him. He only holds feelings of pure admiration for the Mikaelsons, but even if he didn't, it wouldn't matter.

 

Marcel is the very individual that invented the phrase faction before blood. Even if somehow her father tried to come after her, Marcel wouldn't dare to entertain the idea. He would refer to Hope as a Dauntless soldier and nothing else, even to Niklaus himself.

 

Besides, Niklaus would be an idiot to defy the good relationship that Dauntless and Erudite hold. If he tried to push Marcel for information regarding Hope, it would be complete ignorance to the key quote that Marcel reminds everyone of any chance he gets. 

 

But, that doesn't work quite the same way when it comes to anyone else finding out about who she really is. It would ruin the ideal that she is a new person here, it would lead to even more people finding out, until suddenly everyone knows, and Hope would be stuck in the past that she is trying to erase. It can't happen, she refuses for anything to happen to ruin the one thing she has been chasing ever since that day.

 

Hope knows that Eric is two years older than her and wouldn't have been in the same classes with her when she was in Erudite, and he hasn't mentioned in any sort of way that he recognizes her somehow, but all she can feel is the purest form of panic. 

 

It wouldn't be such a big deal, but she just told him her aunt's name. While Hope may not have been popular in school for there to be much attention on her, to her correlation to the family name, she knows for a fact that people knew of her aunts and uncles. They knew the Mikaelson's. 

 

They knew who her mother was, how she disappeared without a trance and abandoned the family. They all knew that everyone presumed that Hayley Mikaelson was dead. Dead just like Elijah Mikaelson, who everyone knew had killed himself. 

 

They knew her father. 

 

It feels like Hope can't catch her breath when she doesn't bother saying anything else to Eric, nothing except somehow mumbling out the words, "I'm sorry, would you excuse me?" and she races out of the Pit.

 

Her boots catch against the ground as she's speed walking down the hallway, and she has to grab onto the wall to keep from falling. She feels more than pathetic when her knees give out in front of a random trashcan and vomit pours from her mouth. 

 

___

 

Hope's footsteps feel like blocks of cement, threatening to pull her into the ground as she trudges down the hallway. It took nearly all her energy to halt the vomiting, and after five minutes of emptying the contents of her stomach, and chugging two entire water bottles, she finally feels like she can catch her breath.

 

If she sees Eric again, and he doesn’t declare that he has discovered her secret, she'll just use the excuse of period cramps. Surely he wouldn't pry at her with questions at that, it almost makes her laugh when she thinks about how he seems like the type of guy to be disgusted by that sort of thing.  

 

"Hey, you."

 

Hope almost panics at the words until she realizes that it's a girl that's talking. Not just any girl, but Jade. Her friend is smiling at her as she walks out of the dining hall and runs up to her excitedly. "Isn't tonight your big ol' double date night with Rafael?"

 

"Oh, yeah. It was. It's over now." 

 

Jade furrows her brows at her, an all too knowing smile on her lips. 

 

"What'd you last, like ten minutes?"

 

"Five." Hope doesn't bother to lie to her, she knows her friend knows her too well, even in the short amount of time they've known each other. There's no point in trying to make up an excuse, so she tells her the truth, but not the entirety of it. "He was... not my type. I didn't realize my eyes weren't as interesting as my cleavage."

 

"Oh, both are just amazing." Jade winks at her, and Hope ignores the way her stomach flips repeatedly. "His loss, you're too good for him anyways."

 

"Funny." Hope lets out a breathy laugh and shakes her head. "Where are Wendy and Uriah? I thought you guys were hanging out."

 

"Wendy started talking about her fear of initiation again, and Uriah lost his mind. They started arguing and I've been listening to them do that annoying shit my entire life, so I left. Thought I'd go to the training room and get some exercise in instead. You wanna come with me?"

 

Hope nods, eager for a distraction from the mess that is her mind. What's a better distraction than punching a stiff, hanging bag until her knuckles are red and purple? "I'm down.”

 

 

Notes:

next chapter will be another flashback in hope’s point of view!

Chapter 16

 

"It might seem strange, but it's important for higher in command Dauntless to understand how a few programs work." Marcel says, using entirely way too much hand motioning when he speaks.

 

"The surveillance program in the control room is an obvious one, since sometimes leaders may need to monitor certain things happening in the faction. Then, there's the simulation programs, which you need to understand in order to evaluate Dauntless initiates. The currency tracking program, which keeps commerce in our faction running smoothly. These programs can be pretty sophisticated, so you'll need to learn computer skills if you don't already have them. That leads us into what we will be doing today."

 

Marcel gestures towards the woman who then enters the room, and Hope can vaguely recognize her face, but she can't place it. She can't be more than a little older than her, and she has blonde shoulder length hair and a gold stud pierced through her right nostril. It dawns on her when the woman's eyes meet her own, and she realizes that it's Eric's little sister.

 

"This is Claire. She'll teach you guys some of the basics about computers, and then we will test you." Marcel says. "Claire is on our patrol leadership team, but in her downtime, she works as a computer technician in Dauntless headquarters. It's a little Erudite of her, but I'll let it slide for the sake of convenience."

 

Marcel leaves the office after saying he'll return in about an hour, and then Claire turns towards the group with a gentle clap of her hands. 

 

"Right." Claire smiles gently. "Today we're going to talk a little bit about how programming works. Those with some experience with this, please feel free to tune out and ignore me. But if you don't, you should keep focus because I won't repeat myself. Learning technical computer skills is sort of like learning a new language, it's not really enough to memorize words. You have to understand the rules and why they work the way that they do."

 

When Hope was fourteen, she remembers volunteering in the computer laps after school on more than one occasion - an easy excuse to avoid going back home. During her visits, she had learned to take an entire computer apart and how to put it back together. 

 

But, what Claire proceeds to inform her of, she has no knowledge of at all. The next hour passes by in a blur of technical terms that Hope can barely manage to keep up with. She tries to jot down notes of what the blonde girl says, but she speaks so quickly that her hand burns from trying to keep up with her ears. 

 

Claire shows examples of the things she mentions on a screen behind her, but it's hard for Hope not to feel distracted by the view from the window beside her. From this angle, so high in the sky, the Pire displays the city's skyline, the prongs of the Hub piercing the sky, the marsh peeking through between glimmering buildings in the sun's light.

 

Hope notices that she is not the only one who seems overwhelmed - the few other candidates lean over to one another and whisper frantically, asking for definitions of things they missed. She's pulled from her thoughts when Claire presses a button on a remote, the screen behind her moving up and withdrawing into the ceiling. 

 

"On the desktop of your computer, you'll find a file marked Programming Test." Claire says. "Open it, and it will take you to the timed exam. You'll go through a series of small programs and mark the errors you find in the coding that are causing them to malfunction. They could be big things, like the order of the code, or small things, like a misplaced word or marking. There is only one error in each program, so don't feel too overwhelmed and try to search for a million things."

 

Hope stares at the first program on the screen, and Claire was right, it is like learning a language. Everything in the coding has to start in the correct order and finish in the reverse order to be sure that everything is in the right place.

 

She doesn't bother to start at the beginning of the code, instead, she looks for the innermost kernel of code inside all the wrappers. In those lines, she quickly spots that the code finished in the wrong place. 

 

Marking the spot and pressing the arrow button at the bottom of the screen will allow her to continue the exam if she is correct, so she does, and she blinks in surprise when the screen changes and presents her with a new program. Hope frowns, thinking she must have been more absorbed in the lesson than she thought. 

 

The next one is also simple. She examines the center of the code following through to the outside, checking the top of the program with the bottom, and paying attention to quotation marks and periods and backslashes. She finds looking for code errors to be strangely calming.

 

In her state of concentration, Hope manages to forget about the other people in the room with her, the skyline in her peripheral vision, and wondering what finishing the exam will even mean. She focuses on the task in front of her, and soon enough, she touches the arrow button and is presented with an imagine on the screen that reads exam complete.

 

"Good work, Hope." Claire smiles when walks by and glances at the computer screen. "You were the first one to finish."

 

___

 

The apartment door is open when Hope approaches it. It's only by about an inch, but she knows for a fact that she closed it when she left. Her heart is pounding when she passes through the doorway, guarded and wide-eyed, like she's expecting an intruder to be perched in anticipation for her presence. 

 

She looks around, but the entire apartment is empty and no different than when she left it. Almost. Hope notices a piece of paper on the kitchen counter, and she approaches it slowly, as if it might burst into flames or dissolve into thin air if she moves too quickly. There's scrawled handwriting on the paper that she reads carefully when she picks it up.

 

Tonight. Midnight. At the train platform between the Hub and factionless compound.

 

What is kept in the dark, will always come to light.

 

At first the words just sound like nonsense to Hope, like it's a joke or something intended to rattle her, which it does. She feels suddenly unsteady on her feet and forces herself to sit on the corner of her bed, her eyes seemingly glued to the paper. By the third time she's read it, the message begins to take shape in her mind.

 

It slaps her across the face within an instant.

 

Hope is clutching the small piece of paper with shaking fingers, but she can't feel it. Her hands have gone numb and resorted to tingling when the realization dawns on her that only one person has ever said the last sentence to her, only one and no one else. But it doesn't make any sense, because that person is dead.

 

Right. Her mother is dead, she has to be. It has been six whole years since Hayley Mikaelson's disappearance, not a trace of her to be found throughout the rest of Hope's childhood, and even Erudite declared her to be deceased in their records of each member in the faction. It couldn't possibly be her that left this note. The only reasonable explanation is that her mother had maybe, somehow, for some reason, said those words to someone else.

 

Someone else like her father.

 

It feels like all the air is sucked from her lungs when his face pops up in her mind, and Hope almost laughs. She almost laughs when she thinks about Niklaus being in her apartment, planting a trap and tricking her into meeting with him, like everything is just some sort of sick and twisted game to him. That has to be it, and how dare he say to her the same words that he knows her mother used to say to her. 

 

It's unbelievable. What more does Hope have to do in order to escape him? Her father knows how much her mother meant to her, and how little that he means. Not that he cares, he did it to himself. He has no one else to blame but himself and his abusive ways if he ever questioned why Hope decided to defect from Erudite. 

 

He wouldn't question, though. It's obvious to Hope that her father didn't, and still does not, care about her at all. 

 

Hope is clutching the piece of paper in her fist when she stomps out of the apartment. Her hands have been numb ever since her father's face popped up in her mind, which hasn't seemed to leave yet. She moves along the walls of the Pit and climbs the staircase leading up to the Pire, unbothered to even notice how high up in the air she is, unbothered by temptation to look down.

 

Rafael mentioned the control room's location to her just a few days ago, and Hope can only bite the inside of her cheek in anticipation to find out if her friend is still there. She'll need his help if she wants to access the footage of the hallway outside her apartment. 

 

She knows where the camera is, hidden in the corner where no one thinks is noticeable. Hope notices it, and she remembers that her mother used to notice such small things like that too. When they used to walk through the Erudite sector together, just the two of them, her mother would point out the cameras hidden in bubbles of dark glass or fixed to the edges of the buildings.

 

Her mother wouldn't say much about them, or seem worried, but she would never fail to stare right at them when they walked past. 

 

Almost as if to say, I see you too. 

 

As Hope grew older, the memories would stick with her. She got down the habit of searching, scanning, and carefully watching for details in all of her surroundings. 

 

When Hope makes it to the fourth floor and walks down a short corridor, she finds the control room with a wide open door. A large wall of screens greets her when she walks in - a few people sit behind the screens, or at their own respected desks with their own personal screens. The footage is rotating every five seconds on a distinct timer, showing different sections of the city. 

 

The Amity fields, the streets surrounding the Hub, the Dauntless compound, and even the factionless sector, from a far distance. The Erudite sector screens catch Hope's eye before she shakes her head, pulling herself out of the daze and begins to look for Rafael.

 

He's sitting at a desk on the far right side of the room, typing something in a dialog box to the left half of the screen while footage of the Pit plays on the right half. Everyone is wearing headphones as they stare at the screen, presumably listening to the footage they watch. 

 

"Raf." Hope says just above a whisper. A few people around the room are staring at her, as if they're scolding her for intruding, but they don't say anything.

 

"Hey!" Rafael exclaims, the headphones dropping from his ears to hang around his neck. "Thank God you're here, I'm bored out of my- wait, what's wrong?"

 

Rafael glances from her face down to her fist, her fingers still clenched around the piece of paper. Hope doesn't know how to explain it, so she doesn't try.

 

"Listen, I need to see footage from the hallway outside my apartment. Maybe from the last five or so hours, can you help me?"

 

"Why?" Rafael frowns. "What happened?"

 

"Someone was there, when I wasn't there. They... left something." Hope hesitates, hoping her friend doesn't try to pry for information. "I just want to know who it was."

 

Rafael glances around subtly, making sure no one is looking or listening. "Hope, I don't know if I can do that... even we aren't allowed to pull up specific things unless we see something weird, it's all on rotation-"

 

"You owe me a favor, remember? For going on that double date with you?" Hope mutters, and she has to remind herself through pure anxiety to keep her voice down. "I would never ask something like this if it wasn't important."

 

"Yeah, I know." Rafael sighs, his gaze continuing to prance around aimlessly before suddenly he frowns. "Speaking of which, where did you go? Eric told Claire and I that-"

 

"Rafael." Hope can't help but spit out his name, her eyes widening. "Focus." 

 

"Sorry!" When Rafael closes the dialog box he had open, and clicks on the screen a couple times to open another one, Hope watches as he types in a distinct code to collect the footage. She is surprised to find that she understands a little bit of it, after the day's lesson over computer coding. 

 

An image appears on the screen, one of the Dauntless corridors near the cafeteria. Rafael clicks on it, and then another image replaces it, this time of the inside of the cafeteria. Then, the tattoo parlor, and then the hospital. He keeps scrolling through the Dauntless compound, and Hope watches the images with wide eyes and a restless heart. 

 

Most of the momentary glimpses of footage are nothing out of the ordinary for Dauntless life - people adjusting their piercings as they wait in line for new clothing, or practicing combat skills in the training room, or even wrestling with each other. A flash of Marcel sitting in what appears to be his office comes up next, and a figure clad with a blue suit is standing next to him. 

 

It's too familiar. The feeling it gives her is too distasteful, too uncanny. 

 

"Wait." Hope whispers, and frowns to herself when her fingers begin to shake. "Go back."

 

Rafael returns to the previous image on the screen, and it confirms exactly what she suspected. Niklaus Mikaelson is standing in Marcel's office, his blue suit perfectly pressed and his posture perfectly straight. The sight of his face makes Hope lose all color in hers, and she doesn't hesitate to snatch the headphones from around Rafael's neck as the footage plays.

 

Marcel and her father's voices are more hushed than she appreciates, but she can still hear them even through her own heartbeat pulsing in her ears. 

 

"I've narrowed it down to four individuals." Marcel's mouth is moving, and Niklaus nods as he speaks. "I'd say that's a good start for, what? The second day?"

 

"This is efficient." Niklaus's voice in her ears instantly makes Hope press her lips into a thin line and will herself not to vomit. There was nothing she wanted more than to never hear that voice again, but she listens regardless. Even if it feels like needles piercing every inch of her skin. "This was always the plan."

 

"With all due respect, Niklaus," Marcel says tersely. "I'm not quite sure how I like him, and I'm not sure that I want to spend all my days working with someone I don't like. If I may, you'll have to let me try to find someone else who meets all the criteria-" 

 

"Fine." Niklaus cuts him off with a huff of air, but then chuckles before swiping a hand through his dirty blonde curls. "But when you fail to do so, I except you to admit it, Marcel. I have withheld my patience for a lot of things, but I will not hold it for your Dauntless pride."

 

"Hope." Rafael hisses, his hands reaching for the headphones on her head. The motion makes Hope flinch nearly a foot away. "My supervisor is looking, give me back the headphones."

 

Before she has the chance to comprehend what he says, he snatches the headphones from her head. They snap against Hope's ears in the process, making them sting, but she finds it not nearly as hurtful as the sight that was on the screen. The sight of her father. 

 

"You have to get out of here or I'll lose my job." Rafael's teeth are clenched and he sounds serious, and worried, so Hope doesn't object. Even though she didn't find out what she originally needed to know, which was her own fault for getting distracted, she slips out of the control room anyways with a racing mind.

 

Half of her is terrified that her suspicion was right - since it seems that her father was in Marcel's office at some point, what would stop him from invading Hope's apartment, too? The other part of her is confused by the words that were spoken between the two men in the footage. 

 

"This was always the plan."

 

"I have withheld my patience for a lot of things, but I will not hold it for your Dauntless pride."

 

They must have been talking about the candidate for the council of Dauntless leadership. But why is her father concerned with who is appointed to the new position of leadership in Dauntless?

 

He is the leader of Erudite, and sure Dauntless has an exceptional relationship with Erudite, but it doesn't make any sense. The two factions may not feud with each other like Erudite does with Abnegation, instead harboring respect for each other, but that doesn't explain why Niklaus would be concerned with their leadership council. 

 

Hope makes it all the way back to her apartment, barely managing to notice the doorframe, and she sits on the edge of the bed and stares at the opposite wall. Separate but equally frantic thoughts course through her brain, and it makes her want to rip her own hair out. 

 

Who wrote the note - was it Niklaus? Why did he write it, why does he want to meet with her? Does he want to finally kill her because years of abuse wasn't enough? 

 

Why is he and Erudite as a whole so seemingly involved in Dauntless politics?

 

Who was the candidate they were talking about?

 

Hope presses the heels of her hands against her forehead and takes three deep breaths, willing herself to try and calm down, though each nervous thought is like a prickle at the back of her head. No, a stab wound at the back of her head. She can't do anything about the footage of Marcel and Niklaus right now, she needs to instead decide whether or not she is going to this apparent meeting tonight. 

 

Hope might just regret this choice, but clearly he isn't going to stop his efforts until she complies with him, even if standing before the man is the last thing she ever wants to do. 

 

___

 

The sun's late heat is still ghosting from the pavement even at eleven forty-five at night when Hope leaves the Dauntless compound. The moon is covered in clouds, so the streets appear darker than usual. She breathes in the smell of warm asphalt as she sets off in a slow run, her boots clattering against the ground beneath her.

 

The streets that surround the Dauntless sector of the city are completely empty, and she realizes it's because everyone in her faction all favor to live huddled together, like a pack of sleeping dogs. Marcel had seemed so concerned at the fact of her living alone because of that very reason. 

 

If Hope is really Dauntless and nothing else, shouldn't she want her life to overlap and intertwine with theirs as much as humanly possible? Shouldn't she be searching for every way to fold herself into her faction until she and everyone else surrounding her is inextricable? 

 

It ponders her mind as she runs, and she realizes that maybe Marcel is right. Maybe Hope is not doing a very good job of integrating herself and blending in with the rest of them. Disguising herself as a pure Dauntless soldier, rather than a divergent freak with partial aptitude for Dauntless. Maybe she isn't pushing herself hard enough. 

 

Hope finds a steady rhythm of a jog, squinting at the street signs as she passes them to keep track of where she's going. She knows she has reached the factionless compound when she notices shadows moving around behind the blacked-out, boarded windows of the broken buildings. She moves to run beneath the train tracks, the latticed wood stretching out far ahead of her and curving away from the street.

 

The Hub grows exceptionally large in her sight when she gets closer to it, and she can feel her heart pounding mercilessly. She doesn't think the feeling is from the running.

 

Reaching the train platform, Hope halts abruptly and stands at the foot of the stairs, glancing around as she catches her breath. She remembers when she first climbed these steps not too long ago as a fresh initiate, the sea of other Dauntless members crowding her and pressing her forward to become one of them. 

 

It was easy to be carried by their momentum then, and she knows it needs to be just as easy in this moment now. Even through her fear. She forces herself to start climbing, her boots echoing against the metal, and Hope instantly checks her watch when she reaches the top of the stairs. 

 

Midnight on the dot. But, the platform is empty. She is alone. 

 

Hope walks back and forth, chewing on her lip and glaring extra hard in the shadows to try and spot any potential dark figure hiding in a dark corner. A train rumbles in the distance, and she pauses to look for the light fixed to the nose of it.

 

The train light flashes, a gleam of white shining brightly, before it careens past the platform. It pounds and churns, slowly and failing to give a hint of stopping, and she sees a person leap from one of the last cars. 

 

It is not a man. It is a woman, lean and lithe with a slim build.

 

Hope squeezes the paper tighter into her first, so tightly until her knuckles ache and burn. It's not her father, and she can't say she's not relieved, but now her anticipation and fear has been replaced with raw confusion. 

 

The woman is striding towards her, and when she's a few feet away, Hope begins to analyze her a bit better. Dark chestnut waves. Full lips and sharp eyebrows. Black Dauntless pants, a white Candor blouse, and brown Amity boots. Her face is worn and thin, and it's like she's looking at a ghost. 

 

Because she knows who that woman walking towards her is. She could recognize her face anywhere, even if it's been almost seven years since she has seen it. 

 

It's her mother. Hayley. 

 

"Hope..." Her mother breathes out her name with wide eyes, as if she's as stunned by Hope's presence as Hope is by hers. All she can feel is the urge to throw up, or for her knees to give out at the sight of her mother's face. 

 

But then comes something else, a feeling she knows all too well - deception.

 

It's impossible that her mother could be surprised to see her, because clearly it was her mother behind the note in her fist. Her mother knew she was alive all while Hope has spent the last nearly seven years believing she was dead. 

 

Hope must have spent too long being silent, because her mother grasps her shoulder and smiles gently at her before saying, "I know this must be... alarming for you. God, you look... you're so beautiful. I've missed you so much..."

 

Her voice. Hope can barely recognize her voice. It's lower and stronger, harder than the way she remembers in her memories of the woman. That's how she knows that the past years have changed her, too. 

 

Too many feelings to manage all fulfill Hope within an instant, too powerful to grasp, and then suddenly something in her breaks. It shatters into a million pieces, and then she can feel absolutely nothing at all. 

 

"You're supposed to be dead." 

 

Notes:

either 1 or 2 more flashback chapters after this, haven't decided yet lmao

Chapter 17

Notes:

last flashback chapter for now, returning to present day josie after this. it's extra long and extra telling, enjoy!

 

"You're supposed to be dead."

 

It's a stupid thing to say, and the way Hope's voice nearly growls out the words is even more stupid. What else is she supposed to say, though? She doesn't know. It's a stupid situation, really. 

 

"I know." Hayley mutters, and Hope thinks she notices tears in her mother's eyes, but it's too dark to properly tell. "I'm not." 

 

"Obviously."

 

Hope can hear her own voice, but it doesn't feel like her. The words are leaving her mouth without thought, her entire body tingling and numb. She doesn't know what to think or feel in this moment of staring into her mother's hazel eyes. They used to be a lighter sort of hazel-green, but now they appear a multitude of shades darker. 

 

"I know this is a lot, okay? I know... but I needed to disappear, Hope. So I did, and I thought... when you got old enough, that I could find you again. I could finally tell you the truth. So many times over the years, I almost broke my promise to myself and came to find you sooner. We had to make sure to stay under Niklaus's nose, make sure he didn't find out anything regarding my disappearance."

 

"Who is we?" Hope frowns. 

 

"Freya and Rebekah. They helped me disappear and fake my death to Erudite. I know it sounds crazy, and there are things you don't know yet, but-"

 

Hope lets a short laugh escape her lips, like a bark. She can feel the anxiety churning in the pit of her stomach, slowly drifting into hot rage. "Oh, so this is a scheme - okay. That's really funny. Do you have any fucking clue what I've gone through since you died?" 

 

Hayley stares at her, and something tells Hope that she knows exactly what the rest of her childhood looked like. It angers her - the way her mother is looking at her. Like she's guilty but still unapologetic. How could her mother leave her at the hands of mistreatment, and come back seemingly not dead after all this time?

 

"I didn't know that your father would..." Hayley sighs, a slimmer of moonlight shining on her face and highlighting a single tear straying from her waterline. "I didn't know that he would do to you what he did to me. It killed me when Rebekah told me about the first time it happened, and there was nothing more I wanted to do than to take you away from all of this. From him." 

 

"You thought that Niklaus Mikaelson would never go so low as to abuse and neglect his only child for six straight years? I never realized my mother had such an amazing sense of humor."

 

"You're his daughter, he always loved you. I didn't think that his behavior that made me leave would fall onto you, but he's a drunk, and I should have known better. When I found out, I just-"

 

All the tension of the past hour, the past few weeks, the past few years builds inside of Hope, and it's too much for her to contain. Hayley has no clue. Her father doesn't love her, and he never did if he resorted to abusing her. She laughs, but it escapes her lips sounding mechanical. It almost scares her, even if she's the one that made the sound. 

 

"You have a right to be angry with me, Hope. You have a right to be angry that you were lied to, not just by me." Hayley is peering at her with such intense sorrow, such intense grief, and it makes Hope almost want to cry.

 

She's done nothing but miss her mother and wish to see her again for years now, but this moment, right here? She can't handle this.

 

"I would be angry, too. But I had to leave... I had something bigger to plan and I need you to understand why. I need you to know the truth."

 

Hayley reaches out for her, and Hope flinches before grabbing her mother's wrist and pushing it away. "Please, don't touch me."

 

"I need you to listen to me." Hayley says with an arch in one of her brows. Hope notices that her mother has yet to look away from her, even for a second. "My marriage with your father was broken, and there was only so much I could take until I reached a breaking point. I had an affair... with your uncle Elijah. I was getting sick of your father being stuck in his Erudite ways, and his obsessive lust for power, and I couldn't handle it. I confided in your uncle, and we fell in love."

 

Hope can't breathe. All she can do is stare at her mother, her jaw agape and sweat beginning to cover her skin. 

 

"Your father, for as long as I have known him, has done nothing but obsessive over being in control. He spent every waking moment in our marriage chasing after the chance to become a leader in Erudite so he could edge Abnegation out of the governing faction, so Erudite could take over. So he could be the one with power. He was smart, and they almost looked at him for the position, but they wanted Elijah instead. It infuriated Niklaus in a way I had never seen before... it's like he was blinded with rage. He had always been jealous of Elijah, but when it came to being outshined for the leadership position, he lost control."

 

Hope still can't breathe, but she finally lets Hayley grasp her shoulder and keep telling her story. 

 

"Your father cornered Elijah and demanded to find out what made him so different, better than he was. His jealousy and rage scared your uncle, and he told me that he confessed to Niklaus that he was divergent. Niklaus was always disgusted by divergents, but he didn't seem to be angry at your uncle anymore when he told him. Instead, he even tried to comfort him... but then the next morning came. The morning Elijah's body was found and they declared it as suicide."

 

Hope could never forget that morning even if she tried. It was just the beginning of the end. 

 

"I lost it." Hayley bites her lip when her voice cracks. "I knew right from the moment that Elijah told me what happened between them the night before his death, nothing good was going to come out of it. So when the very next morning, he's suddenly dead, I knew Niklaus was behind it. I told your father everything, from my affair to how I somehow, in some way, would put a stop to him. For the sake of you. So, I put my plan together, and that's when I went to your aunts, and they helped me escape to the factionless. Please believe me when I say that I didn't know your father would abuse you for all those years, okay?" 

 

Hope stays quiet.

 

"I needed my plan to play out perfectly. We had to keep everything quiet until the time was right, even if that meant me leaving and being unable to see you until now. It killed me, my sweet girl, it really did. But, I'm here now... and you have to understand, you must."

 

"What I understand... is that you left me alone in a house with a sadistic maniac." Hope growls, the blinding confusion taking control of the words she says. She can't help it, none of this makes sense and the throbbing pain in her head is enough to make her angry, let alone all her mother's sudden confessions.

 

"Freya and Rebekah did too, it's like I didn't even exist to them! They sat there idle as Niklaus abused me for years and did nothing. I was a fucking child being abused by my only parent left and they did nothing!"

 

"They were afraid of him, Hope. They knew what was happening and wanted to prevent it, but they knew if they did, it would only ruin our plan, and everything would fall apart. This is bigger than any of us, and we only have one shot at this... please. Please try to understand."

 

It looks like something inside of her mother is breaking. Her hands fall to her sides like cement blocks, and her shoulders slump. Even her face goes slack. Hope crosses her arms and rolls her shoulders back, trying to appear as strong and tough as possible.

 

It's easy in the Dauntless clothing, even despite what she feels. She knew this life would teach her to be stronger, and maybe in this moment now, it's a good point as to why she chose this faction.

 

"I-" Hayley starts.

 

"Just stop. Stop wasting my time... what are we doing here?" Hope snarls, tossing the crumpled piece of paper on the ground between them and raising her eyebrows at the woman in front of her. "It's been nearly seven years since you died, and you say that you couldn't do this whole dramatic i'm alive reveal until now, so why is that? What's different now?"

 

At first, her mother doesn't say anything. She stands frozen, like a statue.

 

Then, Hayley seems to pull herself together, visibly, and says, "We - the factionless - like to keep an eye on things. Things like the choosing ceremony, to be specific. I've become a sort of leader to the factionless, and it was reported back to me that you chose Dauntless. I would have gone myself, but for obvious reasons like seeing your father or anyone else that somehow remembers me, I couldn't. Even though I had been waiting for so long for you to turn sixteen." 

 

Hope swallows the sour taste in her mouth before shaking her head. "Well, what important parents I have. I feel so lucky."

 

"Hope, don't be like that." Hayley says, clutching her chest like she is the one that's hurt. What a joke. "This isn't like you. Is even a small part of you happy to see me again?"

 

"Happy to see you again?" Hope repeats her, unable to hold back the scoff in her tone. "I barely remember you, Hayley. In fact, I'd say that you don't even know your own daughter anymore. You only know ten year old Hope, the girl you left, not the girl you see now. Not the girl I've been forced to become because of all of you." 

 

Hayley's face contorts oddly when Hope calls her by her name, rather than as her mother. She had wounded her. 

 

"When you took your aptitude test and you chose Dauntless," Hayley continues slowly. "I knew it was time to reach out to you, just like I always planned. I knew it was time for everything to be set into motion. I'm inviting you to join us." 

 

"Join you? You mean become factionless?" Hope says dumbly. "Why would I ever want to do that?"

 

"Our city is changing so fast, Hope. The factionless are coming together, but so are Dauntless and Erudite, and it's because of your father. Niklaus will stop at nothing to be in control, and if that were to ever lead to a corruption of the peace because of his ways, I know it won't stop there. He has the capability to do things you don't even realize, and I know the day he does something is coming. Everyone will have to choose a side eventually, whether it's to stand with Niklaus or against him. I want you on my side, Hope. I know you can make a difference - there, with me."

 

"Niklaus has been a leader for four years now, if he was going to do something he would have done it by now." Hope murmurs, unsure if she believes it or not. What does she know? Certainly not the man that's supposed to be her father. "Besides, I know what side I want to be on. I'm not a faction traitor, I belong in Dauntless."

 

"Except, it's not just Dauntless that you belong in, am I right?" Hayley snaps. "You're not listening to me. He will stop at nothing to do anything he has to do to be in power, and when that happens, he will seek out the divergents and get rid of them just as he did with Elijah. I know you know that your father is dangerous - what makes you think that something big isn't going to happen just because it hasn't happened yet? You really think a war is beyond his capability?" 

 

Hope knows she's right, but her breath is shortened at the words her mother speaks. It's not just Dauntless that you belong in, am I right? 

 

"How did you know that?" The words are purely a whisper when they leave her lips. Hope is finding it impossible to think straight, but she knows that the woman across from her is making at least a decent bit of sense. It is possible, especially considering the footage she had seen of her father and Marcel speaking in the leader's office in the Dauntless compound. 

 

"I'm your mother, and I know you better than you might think I do." Hayley says bluntly, but the smallest smile spreads across her face. "It isn't a bad thing, you know. I'm proud to know that my daughter is more than either, more than any one faction. Just because you're in Dauntless doesn't mean you have to be just Dauntless. You can be more than that, more than just that. You can join me. "

 

Hope isn't sure what to think, but she can feel her defensive ways creeping back in. Despite what her mother says, she isn't sure if she can even be trusted. Not after all this time, not after the deception. 

 

"You might think that..." Hope starts, taking a deep breath before continuing. "but I don't think you have any idea who I am, or who I can be. I was the first-ranked initiate. They want me to be a Dauntless leader." 

 

"Don't be naive." Hayley narrows her eyes. "They don't want a new leader, they want a pawn they can manipulate to do their dirty work. Rebekah told me that Niklaus has been frequenting Dauntless headquarters, specifically to meet with Marcel, more often in the past couple weeks. Have you not noticed that they have shifted training around, experimenting with it? Have you noticed these alleged new things they're doing? As if the Dauntless would care to change something like that on their own. He is planning something, I don't know what it is yet but you're not safe, Hope." 

 

Hope remembers during her initiation training that Dorian, one of her instructors, had told her class a bit of odd information about fear landscapes. The simulations weren't usually so important towards the initiation process, or had been given such dedicating thought for when it came to rankings, but the faction was trying something new. An experiment, they had called it.

 

But, Hayley is right. Dauntless aren't the experimenting faction, Erudite is. If Dauntless was ever concerned with practicality and efficiency, they wouldn't bother teaching the initiates to even throw knives. By the action of occurrences in the faction becoming more technical and precise, it seems so Erudite in a way that Hope can't wrap her brain around right now.

 

She can't even think straight. 

 

"If you become a leader, this whole faction before blood nonsense won't matter, especially if Marcel is on your father's side of whatever his plan is. The only reason your father hasn't done anything yet is because he's taking his time, he has to be careful as to not look like a fraud to anyone if he wants to be the one in power of Erudite if they become the governing faction. I've been waiting to hear more from Rebekah and Freya, but-"

 

"Even if you're right," Hope forces herself to speak, staring her mother dead in the eye. "even if you're right about Dauntless, about him, I would never join you. I never want to see you again."

 

"I don't believe you." Hayley says quietly, although her eyes are wide. The glint in her irises like she wants to beg Hope for mercy. 

 

"Maybe if you hadn't abandoned me, you would know a very simple fact about me - I really don't care what anyone else believes. Especially you." Hope shoves her shoulder against her mother's and attempts to move past her, towards the staircase she climbed before. 

 

Hayley calls after her, dejection in her tone. "If you change your mind, find someone from factionless. Any message given to them will go straight to me."

 

Hope doesn't look back at her before sprinting down the stairs and all the way through the streets, far away from the platform. Far away from the ghost. She doesn't even know if she's moving in the right direction, the atmosphere around her too dark to see anything clearly. 

 

She doesn't sleep. 

 

When she returns to her apartment, she paces around frantically, unable to conjure up a single coherent thought. Hope pulls the remnants of her Erudite life out of one of the drawers beneath her bed and hurls them into the trash - the blue long sleeve blouse, the matching skirt, the socks, even the scarf that she makes sure to rip in half before throwing away to release some of her anger. 

 

The night passes her all too quickly, and two hours after daybreak, Hope finds herself walking in the direction of the tattoo parlor. It was a spontaneous thought that came hours after speaking to the ghost of her mother, something that she thinks will be able to help ease the tension in her head. She's almost there when a figure cladded in black nearly runs into her after she blindly rounds a hallway corner.

 

Hope doesn't lift her gaze from the ground, muttering sorry beneath her breath and moving to continue walking instead but she looks up in surprise when she hears a familiar voice.

 

"Hope," Eric is staring at her in some sort of amazement. "I was hoping to run into you. I haven't seen you since... you know."

 

"Oh, right. Hey..." Hope doesn't really know what to say to the blonde boy in front of her. She was hoping to avoid him all together, even if she knew it would be next to impossible. Eric clearly seems like he wants to talk about their date, and maybe ask for another one, but she would truthfully rather do anything else with her time.

 

She wonders how to make this conversation end as quickly as possible before saying, "sorry about that, I wasn't feeling very well."

 

"That's okay." Eric says, and Hope notices that he looks almost emotionless. Robotic. It unsettles her to a particular degree, but she wonders if it's just the remaining effects of speaking to her dead mother not too long ago. "I was just wondering if you would want to do it again sometime soon, maybe just the two of us? We could-"

 

"Eric, that's really nice of you, and I know you like me but I don't think anything serious is in the cards for me right now." Hope forces herself to smile as politely as she can. "There's kind of a lot going on for me... still adjusting to Dauntless, and I'm actually considering joining leadership. I have to go to another meeting later today, so... I'm sorry, but I'm just not looking to be with anyone." 

 

Eric visibly deflates, and his gaze turns somehow even colder. "Right, leadership. Claire told me Marcel was considering finding one more person to join the meetings. Something about one of the guys seeming uninterested. He came to see me last night and made me an offer, too." 

 

"Oh, that's good. Congratulations." 

 

"I guess I'll see you at the meeting then, Marshall."

 

Eric seemingly grunts the words out before stepping to the left and turning the corner, his shoulder bumping slightly into Hope's. She frowns at the contact, trying to shake off the way he had seemed to be fuming, the way he said her last name. Well, her dead mother's last name. She doesn't have time to worry about hurt feelings, not after the previous night. Not at the sight of her mother standing in front of her. 

 

When Hope walks into the tattoo parlor, Tori is already sitting on a stool with her eyes halfway closed. Swollen from having just woken up, assumably, and she's taking a long drink from a coffee mug. 

 

"Something wrong?" Tori perks up when she notices her, rubbing the heel of her palm at her left eye. "I'm not really here. I'm supposed to go for a run with Dorian, that maniac." 

 

"Sorry to catch you at a bad time, but I'm hoping you'll make an exception." Hope says, sitting on the stool beside her.

 

"Not too many people come in here with urgent tattoo requests." Tori peers at her questioningly.

 

"There's a first time for everything."

 

"Okay, I'll bite." Tori sits up, more alert now. "What'd you have in mind?"

 

"You had this drawing in your apartment, when we walked through it a few weeks ago. It was all the faction symbols put together. Do you still have it?"

 

Tori stiffens, her fingers freezing along the edge of the coffee mug in front of her. "You weren't supposed to see that."

 

Hope knows why Tori says the words bitterly, why she wasn't supposed to see it, why that drawing in particular is not something she wants to be public information. It suggests leaning towards other factions as a whole rather than supporting Dauntless supremacy, as any true Dauntless member should, and like any tattoo that a member gets is supposed to do. Or, at least have nothing at all designed that would be correlating to other factions. 

 

Even established Dauntless members are worried about seeming Dauntless enough, and Hope isn't sure why that's the case, what kind of possibly threats are leveled at people to potentially be considered a faction traitor, but that is exactly the reason Hope is here. 

 

"That's sort of the point." Hope lets out a breath filled laugh. "I want it."

 

The words that her mother said to her circled throughout her mind the entire night, over and over again. I'm proud to know that my daughter is more than either, more than any one faction. You can join me. The words she said suggested that Hope should abandon Dauntless and the people here that have actually embraced her as their own, shown her support and care that she hasn't felt in so long. They suggested that she should forgive her mother, and allow herself to be swallowed by her beliefs and lifestyle. 

 

But, her mother is wrong and untrustworthy. Regardless of anything she says, Hope doesn't have to leave, and she doesn't have to do anything that she doesn't want to do. She can be more than any faction right here in Dauntless, right here where she belongs. Maybe it's time for her to embrace it. 

 

Tori glances around, her gaze urgently jumping to the camera in the corner, one that Hope had also noticed when she walked into the parlor. 

 

"Come on, follow me."

 

Tori beckons towards the back of the parlor, and leads Hope through the storage room behind it and then into her apartment. She leads her through the kitchen and into the living room, where the older girl's drawings are still stacked onto the coffee table. Sorting through each of the pages, Tori halts when she finds the one Hope wants. 

 

Dauntless flames being cupped by Abnegation hands, and Amity tree roots growing beneath an Erudite eye, which is balanced beneath Candor scales. All of the faction symbols stacked on top of each other in one seamless design. Tori holds the drawing up questioningly, and Hope nods. 

 

"I can't do this in a place where people will be able to see all the time." Tori says, her tone urgent. "That would make you a walking target, a suspected faction traitor. You realize that, right?"

 

"I want it on my back." Hope shakes her head, ignoring the older girl's question. "Covering my spine."

 

The skin on Hope's spine that was once slashed by her father's belt is healed now, but she wants to remember that it was once an easy target. She wants to remember what she escaped from, what she chased to escape for so long. The deception and betrayal she was forced to feel for six consecutive years. 

 

"You really don't do things halfway, do you?" Tori sighs. "It'll take a long time, several sessions. We'll have to do it in here after hours, I'm not going to let those cameras catch it. Even if they don't even bother to check the parlor's footage at all." 

 

"That's fine, whatever works for you. I appreciate you doing this."

 

"You know, the kind of person who gets this tattoo is probably the kind that should keep it extremely quiet." Tori mutters, peering at Hope from the corner of her eye. "Considering the results of your aptitude test, isn't that right? Don't even say it, because those people often die in mysterious circumstances." 

 

A flash of her uncle Elijah pops up in her mind, and Hope swallows the dense hitch in the back of her throat. This is for him, too. 

 

"I know." 

 

"I have a feeling you enjoy putting yourself through the wringer." Tori mumbles, her mouth twitching. "Let's get started then. I'll leave a note for Dorian, he can jog alone just this once." 

 

Hope thinks that maybe Tori is right, maybe she does enjoy putting herself through the wringer. It might be what she's used to, or maybe there is a masochistic streak somewhere deep inside of her that uses pain to cope with pain.

 

It's easier to focus on the feeling of Tori's tattoo needle, the faint burning of it, rather than her mother's cold and low voice, and the way she had pushed her mother away when she tried to comfort her. 

 

In the years after Hayley's disappearance and presumed death, Hope used to dream that her mother would somehow come back to life in the middle of the night and run a hand through her hair, saying something comforting but nonsensical like it will be alright or it will get better someday, my sweet girl. But then, Hope stopped allowing herself to dream at all, other than to escape her family name. 

 

It was more painful to long for things and never get them than to deal with whatever was in front of her, than to deal with her father. Even if Hope doesn't want to imagine what reconciling with her mother would be like, what having her as a mother again would be like, she's too old to hear comforting nonsense anymore.

 

Too old to believe that everything will be alright. 

 

___

 

Hope grazes her fingertips against the back of her neck, feeling the top of the bandage that protrudes over her collar and making sure it's secure. Tori had outlined the first two symbols this morning, Dauntless and Abnegation.

 

Tori had told her to keep them covered for as long as she continues to work on it. The Dauntless flame will be the largest, the only symbol that shows with her shirt on and if she has her hair pulled up. 

 

Everyone else is already sitting in the office when she arrives, and Marcel is speaking to them. Hope feels a sort of reckless weariness when she walks through the door and takes her seat. She ignores the way Eric is staring at her and sitting in a seat a couple feet away from her, where a different Dauntless boy was just yesterday. 

 

"Nice of you to join us, Hope." Marcel says with a bit of humor. "As I was saying, today I'd like to hear all of your thoughts about how to improve Dauntless as a united faction. The vision you have for our faction in the next coming years. I'll be meeting with you according to your similar age, so the older ones will go first and the youngest will follow." 

 

Marcel leaves the room with three other Dauntless members, the older candidates, leaving Hope and Eric alone at the table. 

 

"Do my eyes deceive me, or are you late because you were getting a tattoo?" Eric smirks, pointing to the corner of the bandage that peeks out beneath Hope's shirt on her shoulder. "Is that where you went in a hurry this morning?" 

 

"Lost track of time." Hope shrugs. 

 

Ten minutes of complete silence passes, the only sound evident being Hope's heartbeat against her chest in response to the way Eric stares at her. Glaring and greedy. Like he's thinking a million thoughts at once. She has no idea what the blonde boy could possibly be thinking, but she shakes her head to herself and continues to wait for their turn. 

 

Marcel finally opens the door to his office and gestures for the two of them, and Hope lifts from her chair too quickly to trail behind the leader, ignoring the way Eric seems to do the same. She's led into a separate room across the hallway with two tables facing each other and a large open window, and takes her seat opposite of Marcel. 

 

"So." Marcel folds his hands on the desk. "Eric, let's begin with you. I've been eager to hear your ideas since you had a late start with us." 

 

Hope gazes out the window of the Pire, the Dauntless sector of the city corrupting her vision. A few yards past a random building, she can see the edge of the hole she jumped into when she first chose her faction, and the rooftop that she stood on just before that. She chose Dauntless, that is what she told her mother yesterday. Dauntless is where she belongs. 

 

Is that really true, all things considered? She doesn't even know. 

 

"What are your ideas for what might be good for Dauntless moving forward, do you have any?"

 

"I do." Eric sits up, clearing his throat. "I think we need to make some changes, and I think they should begin with the initiation process."

 

"What kind of changes exactly?"

 

"Dauntless has always embraced a spirit of competition." Eric says. "Competition makes us better, it brings out the best and strongest parts of us. It gives us something to fight for, and I think initiation should foster that sense of competitiveness more than it currently does so that way it produces the best initiates possible. Right now, they're only competing against the system and striving for a particular score in order to move forward. But I think that they should be competing against each other for spots in Dauntless."

 

Hope can't help but turn in her chair to stare at Eric. A limited number of spots available? In a faction? After only a few weeks of training? It's ridiculous. 

 

"And what happens to the initiates who aren't selected for a spot?"

 

"Well, they become factionless, of course." Eric chuckles, and Hope chokes down a derisive laugh at the sound. "If we believe that Dauntless truly is the superior faction to join, that the aims and goals are more important than that of other factions, then becoming one of us should be an honor and a privilege, not something that is just easily achieved." 

 

"Are you kidding?" Hope can't contain her own voice any longer. "People choose a faction because they value the same things that faction values, not because they're already proficient in what a faction teaches. You would be kicking people out of Dauntless just for not being strong enough to jump on a train or win in a fight. You would be favoring those who are big, strong, and reckless more than those who are smaller, but smarter and braver in their own ways. You wouldn't be improving Dauntless at all." 

 

Eric glares at her, an unreadable glint in his irises. "I'm sure the small and smart ones would be better off in Erudite or somewhere that is not in Dauntless, then. This system would only favor the most determined, we can't afford to be weak." 

 

Hope tears her eyes away from Eric and peers at Marcel. She expects him to look unimpressed by the plan, but he doesn't. In fact, he's leaning forward with a smile on his face, focusing on Eric's face like something about the blonde boy has suddenly inspired or surprised him. 

 

"This is an interesting debate." Marcel nods towards her. "Hope, I'd like to hear your thoughts now. How would you improve Dauntless, if not by making initiation more competitive?"

 

Hope shakes her head, glancing out towards the window again and taking a deep breath. A flash of her father and Marcel in his office pops up in her head, and she wonders if the leader's seemingly pleasant reaction to Eric's plan had anything to do with what the two of them were speaking about. If it had anything to do with some sort of ulterior motive, some sort of other plan that her father apparently has. That is, if her mother had told her the truth. 

 

"I would improve Dauntless by fostering actual true bravery instead of stupidity and brutality." Hope says as if it's obvious. "Take out the knife throwing and mindless battles, prepare people physically and mentally to defend the weak against the strong. That's what our manifesto encourages - ordinary acts of bravery. I think we should be mindful and return to that."

 

"So what, we can all hold hands and sing a song together?" Eric rolls his eyes. "Sounds like you want to turn Dauntless into Amity." 

 

"No, actually." Hope scoffs at him. "I want to make sure that we still know how to think of ourselves, think about more than the next surge of adrenaline. Or just be able to think, period. In that case, we know what to do if something else or someone else was ever trying to take control of us. You never know what could happen, we have to make sure the faction system remains stable moving forward-" 

 

"Sounds a little Erudite to me..." Eric cuts her off, peering at her and baring his teeth with a smirk.

 

"The ability to think isn't exclusive to just Erudite." Hope snaps, glaring at the blonde boy harshly. She wonders where his sudden change of energy is coming from, the way he seems to look at her now as if she is less. It must be because she rejected his advances of going on another date this morning, and the thought nearly makes her laugh. Of course he's one of those people, vicious when he doesn't get his way.

 

"The ability to think in stressful situations is exactly what the fear landscapes are supposed to develop. Do you even realize how stupid you sound right now?"

 

"Alright, alright." Marcel holds up his hands, and Hope takes notice of how troubled the leader appears. "Hope, I'm sorry to say this, but you're sounding a little paranoid. Who would take us over or try to control us? You're not making any sense. The factions have coexisted peacefully for longer than you have been alive, there's no reason that's going to change now."

 

Hope opens her mouth to tell the leader that he's wrong, that the second her father ever gets involved in the affairs of Dauntless, the second he began to consult with Marcel on who to appoint for the next leader, he had compromised the system of checks and balances that has allowed the factions to coexist peacefully for so long.

 

That is until she realizes that to tell Marcel those things would accuse him of treason, and to reveal just how much she knows of things that she isn't supposed to know. 

 

Marcel is looking at her still, and Hope can read disappointment in his face. She knows that he likes her, or at least likes her more than he likes Eric, since she is the one that got the offer for leadership first. But, she realizes that her mother was right last night. 

 

Marcel doesn't want someone like Hope, someone who can think for herself and develop her own thoughts. Someone divergent. He wants someone like Eric, who would help him establish the alleged new Dauntless agenda, someone who would be easy to manipulate because he has all brawn and no brain, so it seems. 

 

Hayley had presented her with two options yesterday - to be a pawn of Dauntless, to affiliate herself with her father again, or become factionless. But, Hope realizes then that there is also a third option - to do neither, to align herself with no one in particular, to live under the radar and free for herself.

 

That is what she really wants, to shed all the people who want to form and shape her in anyway, one by one, and learn instead to form and shape herself. 

 

It's all she has been chasing for her entire life. She is Hope Marshall, not Mikaelson. She won't be a pawn. 

 

"To be honest, sir, I'm sorry but I don't think this is the right place for me." Hope speaks calmly and collected. "I told you when you first asked me that I'd like to be an instructor, and I think I've realized that it's where I actually belong. I appreciate this opportunity, but I'm not what you're looking for."

 

"Eric, excuse us please." Marcel says with a curt nod.

 

Eric, barely able to suppress his glee, has a bright smile on his face as he leaves the room. Hope doesn't watch him go, but she would bet anything that there's a little skip in his step as he walks down the hallway. 

 

"I hope you're not suddenly changing your mind because I accused you of being paranoid." Marcel grasps one of her shoulders with one hand in a gentle touch. "I was just concerned about you. I feared that maybe the pressure was making you crack, making you stop thinking straight. I still believe you're a strong candidate for leadership, in all honesty, the strongest one here. You fit the right profile, you've demonstrated proficiency with everything that we've taught you, and again, you're beyond more capable than anyone else."

 

"Thank you." Hope smiles weakly, fighting off the urge to shake her head. "But, you're right. The pressure is getting to me, and I appreciate you recognizing my skill, but the pressure would probably be worse going forward. I don't want that for myself, and I'm sure you need someone stronger who can handle it." 

 

Marcel nods, a sorrowful glint in his eyes. "Very well, then. If you'd like to be an initiation instructor, I can arrange that for you. A spot actually just opened up this morning. But, that's seasonal work. Where else would you like to be placed for the rest of the year?"

 

"I was thinking maybe the control room." Hope says. "I have a friend that works in there, and I've recently discovered that I enjoy working with computers. I don't think I'd find patrolling nearly as satisfying." 

 

"Okay, consider it done." Marcel nods. "Thank you for being honest with me, and if you ever change your mind, please don't hesitate to tell me. We could always use someone like you."

 

"Thank you." Hope lifts from her chair and moves to leave the room, and even if Marcel is scheming with her father in a way that she doesn't realize yet, she can't help but feel grateful to him for letting her go so easily. He seemed concerned, sympathetic, and didn't further question her motives or paranoia. 

 

Eric is around the corner of the hallway, leaned up against the wall and watching her when she approaches him. As Hope tries to swiftly move around him, he grabs her arm. 

 

"Aw, what happened? I thought you wanted to be a leader?" 

 

Hope thrashes out of his grip and glares coldly. "I see what you did back there. I reject you, your pathetic masculinity can't take it, so this was your way of getting back at me?" 

 

"I can do what I so please. Don't be full of yourself, it's not very attractive." Eric folds his arms across his chest, towering over her. "Besides, you should really tread carefully with me. Soon, I'm going to be one of your leaders. And believe me, despite your own personal feelings, I'm going to keep a very close eye on you and make sure you implement my new training methods." 

 

Hope wants to scream, or hit him, or both. She figures the next best thing she can do is replicate his energy and try to get under his skin as much as he is getting under hers.

 

"He doesn't like you, you know that right? Marcel, I mean. I was his first choice, and I always will be, he said so himself. He won't give you more than an inch in any direction, so good luck with your short leash and your simpleminded thinking." 

 

Before Eric can speak another word, Hope turns away and walks towards the elevators.

 

___

 

"Damn." Jade mutters. "That is a bad day."

 

"Tell me about it."

 

Hope and Jade are sitting next to the chasm with their feet dangled over the edge. She rests her head against the bars of the metal barrier that keeps them from falling to their deaths, and feels the spray of the waterfall hitting her ankles beneath the tight cuffing of her pants. 

 

She had told Jade about her departure from leadership training, to the way Eric had seemingly turned against her purely because his ego was hurt and tried to make a fool of her in front of Marcel, but not about her mother. How would she ever begin to tell her friend that her mother, presumably dead for the past six years, suddenly came back and is actually alive? 

 

For all of her life, someone has been trying to control Hope. Niklaus was the tyrant of the Mikaelson compound, and nothing ever happened without his permission. He had his wife, his daughter, and all of his siblings in the palm of his hand, like he was in control. 

 

Then, Marcel wanted to recruit her in order to be the new Dauntless yes-man, for some apparent reason that she doesn't know. Then, Hayley seemed to have a plan for her, too. A plan for her to abandon the faction system and join the factionless, right by her mother's side. To work against and defy the faction system and her father, and whatever his plans are to take full control of power. 

 

And just when she thought she had escaped the means of control all together, Eric swooped in to remind her that he would keep his eye on her if he became a Dauntless leader. The words were eerie, unsettling, like he knows something and isn't letting on to what it is yet. Hope doesn't know what to think, other than the fact she should try and ignore him the best that she can. 

 

There's no possibly way that Eric knows who she is. He can't know that. 

 

All she has are the small moments of rebellion she is able to manage. Like the tattoo Tori is drawing on her back, the one that declares her divergence. Hope knows she'll have to keep searching for more brief moments of freedom in a society that refuses to allow it.

 

"So, where's Raf?" Hope asks as she turns to Jade. 

 

"I don't know..." Jade mumbles. "I haven't wanted to hang out with him much recently." 

 

Hope peers sideways at her friend, furrowing her brows. "You know you could just tell him that you like him, right? I honestly don't think he has even the slightest clue. He can be a dumbass sometimes."

 

"That's obvious." Jade giggles, but shakes her head with a sigh. "What if this is what he wants - to just bounce around from girl to girl? I don't want to be one of those girls he bounces on."

 

"I seriously doubt you would be," Hope nearly whispers when Jade looks at her, a sad smile on her lips. "but fair enough."

 

It's quiet between them for a moment, the only sound evident being the raging water against the cavern rocks, until Jade turns to her with some sort of sly glint in her eye.

 

"What about you?" Jade asks, bumping their shoulders together. "I mean I know the Eric thing was weird, he was an ass and you didn't even want to go anyways. Do you like any other guys?"

 

"Well..." Hope shrugs, unsure of what to say. She never openly voiced it before, but she can't help but feel that guys aren't quite what she wants. On more than one occasion, she always found herself looking at Jade during initiation rather than any of the other boys. She might be over her crush on her friend, but that doesn't replace any attraction she feels, attraction that she has never seemed to feel for any of the boys in her class. 

 

"I wouldn't say that guys are what I really want."

 

Jade doesn't get the chance to respond before suddenly a new voice perks up, the girl's attention quickly swept away. 

 

"There you guys are." Rafael exclaims, heavy breaths escaping his lips as his chest heaves. "Did you hear?"

 

"Hear what?" 

 

"About Dorian." Rafael frowns. "He died this morning. They're saying it was a suicide." 

 

"Wait, are you serious?" Hope blurts out, anxiety beginning to bubble in the pit of her stomach. Suicide.

 

It sounds like an all too familiar situation, something she doesn't want to think about. It's unheard of for Dauntless soldiers to be suicidal in any sort of way, especially if that soldier is Dorian.

 

Hope knows that she didn't truly know him other than the man being one of her training instructors, but surely if he had mentioned any thoughts of suicide, it would be to Tori. She had just seen Tori early this morning, and she thinks it would be strange for Tori to leave him stranded and cancel their plans if he was in need of company. She knows the two of them to be close, so the entire situation makes no sense to her. 

 

It hits her in an instant. Marcel had told her a spot had just opened up for the initiate training instructor position, and it makes Hope think that he knew somehow before anyone else did. It makes her wonder if the situation is similar to that of her uncle, that Dorian was more than he let on and he was discovered, leading to his secret exile. 

 

"Yeah, it's crazy. I never got the feeling Dorian was... in that sort of situation. I feel awful for Tori, they were really close." 

 

"How did you find out? I haven't heard anyone talking about it." Jade asks.

 

"That girl Claire."

 

"You still seeing her?" Jade hums, seemingly trying to be casual.

 

Rafael shakes his head. "Nah. Every time I was with her, I just kept getting the itch to be friends instead. That's not really a good sign, right?"

 

"No, not really." Jade laughs. "Besides, maybe you're dodging a bullet. She could be wicked just like her brother is, apparently." 

 

At the way Rafael frowns, beginning to open his mouth to ask what Jade means, Hope cuts him off. "It's a long story. Let's just say he'll make a hell of a leader."

 

"Oh yeah, Claire told me that too." Rafael sits down beside Jade, taking the alcohol bottle in his hand and opening it before taking a long swig. "Heard you're out of the running. That's why I brought this, thought you might need a drink."

 

"You thought correctly." Hope sighs, taking the bottle when he passes it to her and chugs for an entire ten seconds. She finds it doesn't burn nearly as much as she thought it would, not in comparison to other things she's felt before. "I'll be working in the control room when I'm not training the initiates."

 

"Hell yeah." Rafael grins. "I can't wait to have a friend in there. Right now, nobody really talks to me."

 

"Sounds like me in my old faction." Hope laughs, reminiscing. "Imagine day after day at school in which no one even looks at you."

 

"That sucks." Rafael says, a sad smile on his face. "I bet you're glad to be here now then, glad you found us."

 

Hope drinks from the bottle in her hand once more before passing it back to him. She swallows the burning liquid harshly before sighing. "Yeah, I am."

 

If the faction system is deteriorating, as her mother led her to believe, this isn't the worst place to watch it all fall apart. At least Hope has friends here to keep her company while it happens. At least this is a place she has support, a place she's cared for and considered. She can't say the same for her old family compound, or whatever factionless life would look like.

 

___

 

It's just after dark, and Hope has her hair down and a hood up over her head to hide her face as she runs through the factionless sector of the city. She jogs down an alley and soon reaches a wooden door that she knows she had seen random civilians walking in and out of before and taps her knuckles against it. In the midst of waiting for an answer, she presses her ear against the door and listens in. 

 

Voices are just beyond the door, and the smell of food is coming from one of the open windows. The only window in her vision that isn't boarded up. Footsteps grow louder as they approach the door, and Hope takes a step back before glancing up and adjusting the black hood on her head.

 

A man wearing a red Amity shirt and black Dauntless pants stands tall in the doorway.

 

"Well, well. Dauntless. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

 

"I'm here for Hayley Marshall." Hope mumbles, and the words nearly sting her tongue. She still has trouble believing this entire situation, knowing her mother is alive. "I'm... her daughter."

 

"Hope." The man nearly whispers. "Yeah, I know you. It's a pleasure to meet you."

 

"Does she talk about me or something?" Hope can't help but frown at the way the man stares at her.

 

The man chuckles dryly. "Well, you're her daughter, are you not? She's really missed you, you know."

 

Hope tries not to focus on the way her heart stings, tries not to focus on the way her eyes nearly threaten to close. She fiddles with the piece of paper in her hoodie pocket nervously, the note she had written in case her mother wasn't here or if she didn't think she could face the woman so soon after the last time.

 

She takes a deep breath before muttering, "Look, I'm just here to pass on a message. Will you give it to her?"

 

"Of course. I'll be seeing her tomorrow, I can give it to her then." He nods.

 

Hope takes the note and passes it to the man. "You can read it if you want, I don't care. And thanks, by the way."

 

"You're welcome." He says, and Hope doesn't offer another word or glance before she begins to make her way down the alley once more. Right before she turns the corner, she sees the man opening up the note to read what it says. 

 

Hayley,

 

Someday. Not yet.

 

P.S. I'm happy you're not dead.

 

Chapter 18

That afternoon, Josie decides to return to the dormitory while everyone else spends time with their families. She finds Landon sitting on his bed when she walks in, and he's staring longingly at the space on the wall where the chalkboard is usually displayed. Hope had taken it down yesterday night in order to calculate the stage one rankings. 

 

"There you are!" Josie smiles when his eyes meet hers in surprise. "I didn't see you earlier. Did you go out there to see if your parents came?"

 

Landon doesn't say anything, only shakes his head as Josie sits on the bed next to him. He rubs his fingers along his knee, a purple-blue tint to the skin and crossed with a scar. 

 

"You didn't want to see them?" Josie asks.

 

"Didn't want them to ask how I was doing." Landon shrugs. "I'd have to tell them, and I've never been good at lying."

 

"Well..." Josie struggles to come up with something to say, something that would ease him. She knows all he can think about is the rankings and how low his name sits. "What's wrong with how you're doing?"

 

Landon laughs harshly, staring at her as if he can't believe she asked. "I've lost every fight since the one with Ethan. I'm not doing well, you know that."

 

"That's by your own choice, though. Couldn't you tell them that?"

 

"Dad always wanted me to come here." Landon shakes his head. "I mean, obviously he wanted me to stay in Amity, but that's only because that's what he's supposed to say. He always admired Dauntless, viewing bravery like a special sort of kindness. Neither of my parents would understand if I tried to explain it to them."

 

"Is that why you chose Dauntless?" Josie asks, tapping her fingers against her knee. "Because of your parents?"

 

"No..." Landon shakes his head, silent for a moment before clearing his throat. "I guess it was because... I think it's important to protect people. To stand up for people. Like you did for me. That's what the Dauntless are supposed to do, right? That's what courage is... not hurting people for no reason."

 

Josie remembers what Hope had told her on the ferris wheel, that teamwork used to be a Dauntless priority. She wonders what the faction was like when it was, wonders why things seemed to have changed. 

 

Josie feels a pang of guilt in her chest at the emptiness in Landon's eyes. "Maybe it will be better when initiation is over, you never know."

 

"Right. Too bad I might come in last." Landon laughs humorlessly. "I guess we'll see tonight."

 

They sit beside each other in silence for a while, and Josie thinks it's better to be here rather than in the Pit. Watching everyone laugh and smile with their families.

 

Her father used to say that sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them. She feels good when she does something she knows that he would be proud of, like it makes up for all the things she's done that he wouldn't be proud of. 

 

"I feel braver when I'm with you, you know..." Landon says slowly, something fragile in his tone. "Like I could fit in here in the same way you do."

 

Josie is about to respond, about to allow herself to feel graceful at his compliment, when Landon slides his arm across her shoulders. She freezes, a rushing heat flooding to her cheeks. She didn't want to be right about Landon's feelings, but she was. 

 

Trying not to move too quickly, Josie leans forward in order for Landon's arm to fall away, and squeezes her hands together in her lap. 

 

"Josie, I-" Landon starts, his voice sounding strained. His face is as red as Josie's face feels, but he's not crying. He just appears embarrassed. 

 

"Um... sorry. I wasn't trying to - sorry."

 

Josie wishes she could tell him not to take it personally. She could tell him that her parents rarely even held hands in her own home, so gestures of affection aren't something she's used to, or even had the chance to experience much before now. It might not be entirely truthful, but it isn't a blatant lie. Maybe if she told him that, there wouldn't be a layer of hurt beneath his flush of embarrassment. 

 

But of course, it is personal. Landon is her friend - and that's all he is. It's all she can see him as, when he is not the one who corrupts her mind more often than not. What is more personal than that?

 

Josie takes a deep breath, and she forces herself to smile when she exhales. "Sorry about what?" 

 

When Landon doesn't respond, Josie rises up from the bed and brushes her palms against her pants. "I should go."

 

Landon nods, seemingly refusing to meet her gaze. 

 

"You going to be okay? Because of your parents, I mean... not because of..." Josie lets her voice trail off awkwardly, she doesn't know what she would say if she didn't. 

 

"Oh. Yeah, yes." Landon nods his head again, almost too vigorously. "I'll see you later, Josie." 

 

Josie tries not to walk out of the dormitory too quickly, and when the door closes behind her, she touches a hand to her forehead and smiles shortly. It's an intoxicating feeling, and all awkwardness aside, she can admit that it's nice to be liked. 

 

___

 

Discussing family visits would be too painful, so stage one's final rankings are all anyone can talk about that night in the dining hall. At any moment someone near Josie brings it up, she stares ahead at some point across the room and ignores them. 

 

Josie knows her rank couldn't possibly be as bad as it used to be, but it might not be good enough to get her into the top ten at the end of initiation, especially when the Dauntless-born initiates are factored in. 

 

"You weren't allowed to have pets?" Penelope almost yells, smacking the heel of her palm to the table. "Why not?"

 

"Because they're illogical, obviously." MG laughs, nearly choking on his drink at the raven haired girl's outburst. "What's the point in providing foot and shelter and care for an animal that just soils your furniture, makes your home smell bad, and inevitably dies?"

 

Josie meets Landon's gaze, like they usually do when Penelope and MG begin to bicker with each other. But this time, the second their eyes meet, they both look away in an instant. She hopes this awkwardness between them doesn't last long, she wants her friend back. 

 

"The point is..." Penelope tilts her head. "they're fun to have, you know. I had a bulldog that I named Chunky. One time we left an entire roasted chicken on the counter, and while my mom stepped out of the kitchen, he pulled it down and ate it. Like the whole thing. We laughed so hard."

 

"Yeah, that certainly changes my mind. I'd love to live with an animal that eats all my food and destroys my kitchen." MG shakes his head. "Why don't you just get a dog after initiation is over if you're feeling that nostalgic? I heard Dauntless typically have bigger breeds, though."

 

"Because..." Penelope's smile falls, and she pokes her fork aimlessly around her plate. "Dogs are sort of ruined for me now. After... you know, the aptitude test."

 

Everyone at the table exchanges looks at that. They know they aren't supposed to talk about the test, not even now that they've chosen a faction, but that rule must not be as serious for them as it is for Josie. For her, that rule is a sense of protection. 

 

Her heart jumps unsteadily in her chest. Each time Josie thinks about the word divergent, she can hear Tori's warning - and now her mother's warning as well. Don't tell anyone. Dangerous.

 

"You mean... killing the dog, right?" MG asks.

 

Josie had almost forgotten. Those with an aptitude for Dauntless had picked up the knife in the simulation and stabbed the dog when it tried to attack. It's no wonder that Penelope doesn't want a dog anymore, claiming the animals are ruined for her now. She tries to shake the thought from her mind, pulling her sleeves over her wrists and twisting her fingers together nervously. 

 

"Yeah." Penelope sighs. "I mean, you guys had to do that too, right?"

 

Penelope gazes at Landon first, until her eyes fall onto Josie. Her eyes narrow before saying, "You didn't."

 

Josie arches a brow, trying to appear clueless. "Hmm?"

 

"You're hiding something." Penelope says, her gaze pinning onto Josie's hands. "You're fidgeting." 

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"In Candor," MG perks up from beside her, nudging her shoulder. "they're trained to read body language so they know when someone is lying or keeping something hidden."

 

"Oh, well..." Josie scratches the back of her neck. She realizes the hole she's dug herself into, unsure of how to crawl out of it. 

 

"See, there it is again!" Penelope points at her hand. 

 

Josie feels as if she's swallowing her own heartbeat. How is she supposed to lie about her results if Penelope can tell when she's lying? She'll have to somehow control her body language. She drops her hand and clasps them both together in her lap. At the very least, she doesn't have to lie about the dog part. 

 

"No, I didn't kill the dog."

 

"How did you get Dauntless without using the knife?" MG narrows his eyes. 

 

Josie looks him in the eye evenly before calmly saying, "I didn't. I got Abnegation."

 

It's half-true, at least. Tori had reported the results of her test as Abnegation, it's the result displayed in the system. Anyone who has access to the scores would be able to see it. Josie makes sure to keep her gaze level with MG's for a moment, shifting away from him would probably look suspicious. Then, she shrugs and stabs a piece of steak with her fork. 

 

She hopes they believe her. They have to believe her. 

 

"But you chose Dauntless anyway?" Penelope frowns. "Why?"

 

"I told you." Josie smirks when her heart rate seems to finally simmer. "It was the food." 

 

When Penelope laughs and instantly launches into the story of the first day, of how different her eating habits were before coming to Dauntless, Josie can feel her body begin to relax. It might be simple to ignore the gut feeling, but she knows she shouldn't lie to her friends. It creates barriers between them, and there's already more in place than what she wants. Like her rejecting Landon. 

 

Dinner passes swiftly, and soon all the initiates return to the dormitory. It's hard for Josie not to sprint, knowing the rankings will be posted up when they all arrive. The anticipation and longing to get this night over with is something she hasn't been able to ignore. 

 

At the door of the dormitory, Jed shoves Josie into the wall in order to move past her. Her shoulder scrapes against the stone, but she keeps walking. 

 

Josie is too short to see over the crowd of initiates standing near the back of the room, but when she finds a space between heads to look through, she sees that the blackboard is on the ground and leaning against Hope's legs, facing away from the crowd. 

 

"For those who just came in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined." Hope calls out, a piece of white chalk between two fingers. "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward those who prey on the weak, that's cowardice." 

 

Josie thinks she sees Hope's eyes lingering on Jed at the last line, but they move on too quickly to tell.

 

"We also ranked any lasting impressions we saw outside of your fighting, such as the capture the flag game or your knife throwing skills. Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice. That said, if you rank low in stage one, it's extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation."

 

Josie shifts on the balls of her feet, trying to get a good look at Hope through the small crowd. When she finally does, she looks away in an instant. Hope's eyes were already on her. 

 

"We'll announce the cuts tomorrow." Hope says, her fingers grazing the edge of the blackboard against her legs. "The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless-born initiates are not will not be taken into consideration. Three of you could be factionless, and none of them. Three of them could be factionless, and none of you. Or any combination thereof. That being said, here are your ranks."

 

Hope hangs the board on the hook on the wall behind her before stepping back. 

 

1. Ethan

2. Jed

3. MG

4. Penelope

5. Maya

6. Josie

7. Ryan

8. Landon

9. Alyssa

 

Sixth? That can't be right. Josie can't be sixth. Her performance in the capture the flag game must have boosted her rank more than she thought it would. Landon isn't dead last either, but unless the Dauntless-born initiates completely failed their version of stage one, then he is factionless.

 

Then, she notices that Jed isn't number one. He's below Ethan, which is a surprise to her until she remembers that when Jed and Ethan had fought each other, it was a brawl that ended in Jed losing. It must have boosted Ethan's rank quite a bit to ultimately pass him up. 

 

Jed doesn't say anything, though. Given the boy's tendency to complain about anything that doesn't go his way, it is more than a shock that he is silent. He walks up to his bunk and sits down before untying his shoelaces. 

 

That sight makes Josie feel even more uneasy. Jed can't possibly be satisfied with second place, there's not a single chance. 

 

MG and Penelope clasp their hands in the air together before they turn to her, and MG claps her on the back with a hand that is bigger than her shoulder blade. 

 

"Look at you. Number six." MG says with a bright grin.

 

"Still might not be good enough." Josie reminds him, a heavy breath escaping her lips.

 

"It will be, you don't have anything to worry about. We should celebrate."

 

"Well, let's go then." Penelope grabs Josie's arm with one hand and reaches towards Landon's arm with the other. "Come on, Landon. You don't know how the Dauntless-borns did. You don't know anything for sure."

 

"I'm just going to go to bed." Landon mumbles, pulling his arm free.

 

In the hallway, it's easy for Josie to forget about Landon's unhappiness, and Jed's suspicious calm demeanor. But easing at the back of her mind is the fact that despite their friendship, Penelope and MG are her competitors. If she wants to fight her way to the top ten, she will have to somehow beat them first. She just hopes she doesn't have to betray them in the process.

 

___

 

That night, Josie has trouble falling asleep. The dormitory at night used to seem loud to her, with all the breathing initiates, but now it seems too quiet. When it's quiet, the brunette can't help but think of her family. It makes her thankful that the Dauntless compound is usually loud. 

 

The conversation she had with her mother pops up in her mind, and despite how much she had been trying to ignore it, she can't help but wonder if her mother was Dauntless. It would explain how much her mother knew of the initiation process, how she seemed to know her way around the Dauntless compound, and how strange she was acting. 

 

Her mother had asked her to tell Elizabeth to research the simulation serum, but why? Does it have anything to do with Josie being divergent, with her being in some sort of apparent danger, or is it something else? She has a thousand questions, but her mother left before she could ask any of them. Now they swirl aimlessly throughout her mind, and she doubts she'll be able to sleep at all until she can get answers. 

 

At the sound of a scuffle across the room, Josie lifts her head from the pillow. Her eyes aren't adjusted to the darkness, so she stares ahead into pure black. Shuffling and the squeak of a shoe sounds through her ears, and then a heavy thud. 

 

A wail that curdles her blood and makes goosebumps form on her skin makes Josie throw the blankets from her body and stand on the stone floor with bare feet. She can't see through the dark well enough to find the source of the scream, but she sees a dark lump on the floor a few bunks away from her.

 

Another scream pierces her ears.

 

"Turn on the lights!" A female voice shouts. 

 

Josie walks towards the sound, slowly, so she doesn't trip over anything she can't see yet. She feels like she's stuck in a trance, and she doesn't particularly wish to see where the scream comes from.

 

A scream of that volume, sounding that horrified, can only mean blood and bone and pain - a scream that comes from the pit of the stomach and extends to every inch of the body. 

 

When the lights come on, the sight of Ethan lying on the floor next to his bed and clutching his face is all Josie can see. Surrounding the boy's head is a halo of blood, and jutting between his clawing fingers is a silver knife handle. It's a butter knife from the dining hall, and the blade is stuck jarred into the boy's eye. 

 

Alyssa, who stands at Ethan's feet, lets out a piercing scream when she sees him. Someone else screams too, and yells for help afterwards. Ethan is writhing and wailing on the floor, and Josie forces herself to breathe as she crouches down by his head and puts her hands on his shoulders, her knees pressing into the pool of blood. 

 

"It's okay, lie still." Josie says slowly. She finds herself feeling calm, but she can't hear anything, like her head has been submerged in water. Ethan thrashes again and forces her to say the words louder and more stern. "I said lie still. Breathe."

 

"My eye!" Ethan screams, a sob wrenching from his throat. "Take it out! Get it out, get it out!"

 

"No, I can't." Josie shakes her head. "You have to let the doctor take it out."

 

"It hurts." He sobs louder.

 

"I know it does." Instead of her own voice, Josie can hear her mother's voice. She can see her crouching before her on the sidewalk in front of their old home, brushing tears from her face after she scraped her knee. She was only five at the time. 

 

"It will be okay, I promise." Josie tries to sound firm, like she's not idly reassuring him, but she is. She doesn't know if it will be okay, and she suspects that it won't be. 

 

When the nurse arrives, she grasps Josie's shoulder and tells her to step back, so she does. Her hands and knees are soaked with Ethan's blood. When she looks around beyond the panicked initiates, she notices that there are two faces missing. 

 

Jed and Maya. 

 

After the nurse takes Ethan out of the dormitory, Josie carries a change of clothes into the bathroom and washes her hands clean of the blood. Penelope follows after her and stands by the door, but her friend doesn't say anything, which makes her glad. There really isn't much to say in this moment. 

 

Josie scrubs at the lines in her palms and runs one fingernail beneath the others to rid of the blood stains. She changes into the pants she brought with her and throws the soiled ones into the trashcan. She gathers as many paper towels she can hold, thinking that someone should clean up the mess in the dormitory, and since she doubts she'll be able to ever sleep again, it might as well be her. 

 

As Josie reaches for the door handle of the bathroom, Penelope's voice stops her. 

 

"You know who did that, right?"

 

Josie ignores the chill that runs down her spine. "Yeah."

 

"Should we tell someone?"

 

"You really think Dauntless will do anything about it?" Josie scoffs, fighting the urge to laugh. It's a valid question, but the answer is inevitable. "After they hung you over the chasm? After they made us beat each other unconscious?" 

 

Penelope is left silent. For the half hour after that, Josie kneels alone on the floor of the dormitory and scrubs at Ethan's blood. When the paper towels she uses grows soaked, Penelope throws them away and grabs her new ones. 

 

Sleeping never comes that night.

 

___

 

"This is going to sound weird," MG sighs. "but I kind of wish we didn't have a day off today."

 

Josie nods in agreement, knowing what he means. They could all use a distraction after the events of last night. She hasn't spent much time alone with MG until now, but Penelope and Landon are both taking naps in the dormitory, and neither her nor MG wanted to be in that room for longer than they were forced to be. 

 

She slides one fingernail beneath another in a means of fidgeting as her and MG walk through the hallway with no particular purpose. She had washed her hands thoroughly, three times at least, after cleaning up Ethan's blood, but she still feels like it's on her hands. 

 

"We could visit him, maybe." MG suggests, until he frowns suddenly. "But, what would we say? I didn't know you that well, but I'm sorry you got stabbed in the eye?"

 

It isn't funny in the slightest, but as soon as MG says the words, a laugh rises in Josie's throat and she doesn't stop it from escaping her lips. MG stares at her for a moment before he laughs as well. Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better to the brunette in this moment. 

 

"Sorry, it's just so ridiculous." Josie mumbles. 

 

She doesn't want to cry for Ethan - at least not in the deep and personal way that she should cry for an actual friend or loved one. She wants to cry because something terrible happened, and she had seen the aftermath right in front of her, but could not see a way to mend it.

 

Nobody who would want to punish Jed for his act has the actual authority to do so, and nobody who has the authority to punish him would even want to. 

 

The Dauntless have rules against attacking someone in such a vicious way like that, but with people like Eric in charge, Josie suspects those rules go unenforced.

 

"The most ridiculous part is, in any other faction it would be brave of us to tell someone what happened." Josie voices more seriously. "But here... in Dauntless... bravery won't do us any good."

 

"Have you ever read the faction manifestos?" MG asks, in reference to the manifestos that were written for each faction after they were formed. They learned about them in school, before the choosing ceremony.

 

"You have?" Josie frowns, before suddenly remembering that MG once memorized a map of the city for fun. "Oh, of course you have. Never mind."

 

"One of the lines I remember from the Dauntless manifesto is, We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

 

MG sighs, but doesn't say anything else. Josie knows what he means. Maybe Dauntless was formed with pure intentions, with the right ideals and the right goals in mind, but it has strayed far beyond them. The very same problem is true of Erudite. A long time ago, Erudite pursued knowledge and ingenuity for the sake of doing good, but now they pursue knowledge and ingenuity with greedy hearts and minds.

 

Josie wonders if other factions suffer from the same exact problems, realizing she never had given it much thought before. Despite the depravity she sees in Dauntless, however, she doesn't think she could ever willingly leave the faction.

 

It isn't only because the thought of living factionless, in complete isolation, sounds like a fate worse than death. It is because in the brief moments that she has loved it here, she saw a faction that was maybe worth saving. Maybe Dauntless is capable of becoming brave and honorable again. 

 

"Let's go to the cafeteria and eat cake." MG smirks.

 

"Twist my arm." Josie laughs, and as the two of them walk towards the Pit, she repeats the line that MG had quoted to herself so she doesn't forget it. 

 

I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

 

___

 

Later that night, Josie returns to the dormitory to find Ethan's bunk stripped clean and the drawers beneath it open and empty. When she looks beside it, she finds Alyssa's bunk appearing in the same exact way. 

 

Penelope seems to read her mind, and sighs before saying, "They quit."

 

"Even Alyssa?"

 

"She said she didn't want to be here without him. She was going to get cut anyways." Penelope shrugs. "It sucks, I guess, but at least they didn't cut Landon."

 

"Who else got cut?"

 

Penelope shrugs again. "Two of the Dauntless-born, I don't remember their names." 

 

Josie nods and glances towards the blackboard as she sits on her bunk. A line is drawn through Ethan and Alyssa's names, and the numbers beside everyone else's names have changed. Jed is listed in first place. MG is second. Josie is fifth. 

 

Stage one began with nine initiates. Now, there is only seven.