Work Text:
Lily Evans was a romantic. But she was also a pessimist. Well, her friends always called her a pessimist, but she thinks she may be the world most positive pessimist, because even though she keeps saying things like “no, this is not going to happen”; “no, I will fail that test.”; “no, I will not fall in love.”, she hoped. She always hoped for the fairy tale. For the beautiful ending. For the life changing moments. She always hoped things would turn up for the better. She hopped she was wrong and that could achieve all that she keeps saying to herself she can’t.
Lily adored romance. She just didn’t -rationally- think it would happen to her. But she could imagine it. Since she was about 12 she made all these stories in her head. She imagined bumping into a cute ravenclaw in the library. Or having a summer love with a muggle and agonizing about telling him the truth. Or the classic: I just dropped all my books, you picked them up, we locked eyes and now we are in love.
All the daydreams didn’t stop her from rolling her eyes when people claimed they were “in love” after two dates. Or when they were 16 or younger, “because you don’t even know yourself at that age how could you love someone else?”. She says this a lot actually. Marlene always laughs and deems her a pessimist and Mary says that love is not real at all. Lily disagrees with both. Enter a pointless, but fun, discussion.
“Romeo and Juliet is so romantic! Real love should be like that!”
“Marlene, how do you know about Romeo and Juliet? Pretty sure it’s not a book purebloods usually read. And really, Romeo and Juliet barely know each other, Romeo is particularly stupid and they die. That’s just tragic, nr romantic.”
“Well, people in love tend to be stupid.”
“You are heartless Mary.”
Lily wanted love, but she was rational about it. When people (namely Marlene and her mom) told her “oh Lily, you will fall in love one day and will understand that you don’t choose who you love” she always disagreed in silence, because she firmly believed in choices. Things just don’t happen, Lily would muse.
Falling in love with James Potter was a choice. She choose him the second time he asked for her forgiveness after the incident at the lake (the first time, she almost slapped him, not her best moment really).
She choose him when she saw how loyal he was to his friends. She choose him when he asked her for help with charms. She choose him when he was not smug when she asked him for help with transfiguration in return.
She choose him, because he made her smile. She choose him because when a lot of people stayed quiet, he made sure people knew where he stood in the war soon to come.
And then, one this this very ordinary day, with very ordinary weather, but that seemed and felt like such a beautiful day to Lily, she decides she will never start that debate again with her friends, because she understood that now there was no choice at all. She couldn’t help but love him. Yes, she choose to start getting close to him, to forgive, to see his qualities.
James is just standing in front of her. He is frowning, as he looks at the schedule of the patrols and is rambling something about Remus and she just loves him. And Lily kind of always thought that she would only fall in love once. So she was prudent with her heart. Or at least she thought.
Because here she was: seventeen and in love after only three proper dates with his boy (but you know him since you are 11 and you both grow up together to be better people, she would reason with herself). In the mist of the begging of a war - where she was the target - and in love. Her home life a mess and in love. With no plans for the future and in love. In love with the person her former best friend hated. In love. She is being reckless. It is a very poetic conclusion to her ongoing discussion with her friends and she will admit it to them when she is more mentally stable.
She has no idea about her future, but she wants him in it. She is happy when they are together. Calmer. And sometimes, reckless, in a way that makes her remember she is truly alive. She never wanted tragic, just real.
James has a smirk on his – oh, how glad she is to freely admit to herself this - handsome face that has no right being there because it is making thinking properly a very hard task for her.
“I know I’m very handsome Evans, but really as Head Girl I expected a more serious attitude from you. This is the rounds we are taking about. It’s serious business. You can ogle me later.”
She does not laugh. Or call him smug. Or say that she was actually thinking very hard about the schedule for the rounds, as the amazing and committed Head Girl she was. Which frankly worries James, because after almost seven years of knowing Lily Evans he is fully aware that silence is never her go to response. And he loves her wit and was kind of counting on it.
“Lil, are you well?”
He is trying a few nicknames on her. She hates it, but she loves him and so she forgives him immediately even with she rolls her eyes and jokes that “if you call me ‘red’ again I will take it as a sign that this was a very elaborate and mean prank and you actually hate me”. She is who she is after all. These comments are second nature to her.
Finally, she says, averting his eyes and looking almost embarrassed:
“I’m fine, was just lost in thought..”
“Please don’t say the thoughts were about the rounds, because that would be terrible sad and I would have to immediately smuggle you out of the castle.” James tries a little joke, because he is who he is. These comments are second nature to him.
The normalcy of it calms her.
“Smuggle me? What are you a pirate? And what does that say about me? I do believe I have a say in being taken to places.”
James feels encouraged by this which enables him to breath easily again.
“No, see, in this scenario I would be the handsome pirate and you the sad noble girl who just wants to see the world.”
“ Oh dear you already have a story. How romantic of you. Do go on.”
It is so easy. This. Talking about nothing. Just being together, having conversations that would make no sense to others. It’s like, she fells, they are in their own world sometimes.
“Yes, it is very romantic. Thank you.” He is smiling and looking very excited. The day is suddenly brighter or she has gone mad. People in love really are stupid, damn you Mary. “Of course they eventually fall in love and a lot of drama ensues-“
He was going to continue, she was sure. The story is already made up in his made and ready for him to tell it to her, using all his dramatic nature to make her laugh. Sometimes she is afraid of all of this, because he can just decide that their world, this bubble they have, is not what he wants. But right now, she wants to be brave. Wants to continue on their world, for as long as he lets her. She has, she realises with a small smile, no choice. So, she interrupts him, because their story is more romantic than the one he made up in his mind and she hopes he sees it that way too.
“She does.”
“What?”
“Fall in love, I mean”
“I don’t think I follow…”
Except he maybe does. But he has been in love with Lily since, well. Forever. And this love has changed and grown and it is different now, because he knows her. Truly. But still, he doesn’t want to ruin this. He loves her too much already.
“Ok. So, what I meant was...” Breath in, breath out. “Well, I think I love you.”
She says it in one single breath, afraid her courage will run out in the middle of it. She fells free after it. Because she does not think it, she now knows with all her heart and brain. If she had any doubts, they would disappear as soon as she saw the way his whole face lighted up and the most beautiful smile appeared in his face.
James believes the sun has never shine brighter, even if they are inside the castle and he can only peek it from the small window on their side.
He kisses her, in the mouth, in the cheeks, in the top of her head.
She feels reckless. He fells incredibly emotional and has never been more sure about anything in his life more than the fact that he loves her and that if she loves him (he will take the I think I love you) he has done something right and he will keep honouring it.
“James, stop, I can’t breathe!”
He was now kissing and hugging her. Really tight. She can’t stop laughing and forgot how to breath.
“Oh sush, you love it, you love me, all is well.”
“I said I think. I can still take it back.”
“No, you can’t. I will always remember it.”
He kisses her again to make sure he commits this moment to memory. He nudges her.
“This was a very good day for your romantic admission (she slaps him lightly, he smiles and continues), look how beautiful it is outside. I just wished you had saved this for a more romantic moment, you know not in the middle of us discussing head business.”
“Well. If you want, you can arrange a very romantic way to say it to me!” She freezes and takes a step back from him, as soon as she says it. “If you want to say it I mean.”
Lily is suddenly very aware that he has not said it back. He kissed and smiled and hugged her and it should be enough for her, but it isn’t.
James Potter was a romantic too. And not a very realistic one. Maybe in another time, when he was a stupid boy, James would want to make a whole romantic gesture to tell her he was in love. But now this idea seems silly. This, being together, is all that matters. The moment is perfect, because its theirs. And because she loves him.
“Lily Evans, I love you. I reckon I’ve been in love with you all this time.” Lily tries to hide her tears as James continues.
“But yes, I will be singing a love song to you in front of the whole school.”
Lily looks panicked for just a second, enough to make him smirk again. She shakes her head and steps closer to him, again. Falling in a now common routine.
“Then you are a liar Potter.”
“How so?” She is too far, he pull her closer. Their noses almost touching.
“Well, if you truly loved me, you would never submit me to the extreme torture that is hearing you sing.”
“But I do love you! I don’t understand, I have the voice of an angel!” She rolls her eyes, smiling (he said it again he said it again) and he laughs. They both decide to close the little distance they still have between they to proper kiss. They are in love after all. When they pause for air he sighs.
“Ok, so let’s pretend all this round business is finished so we can go on and plan a very romantic date yeah?”
“The schedule for the rounds look just perfect, we are doing an amazing job. Let’s go!” She is so happy and all she wants is to run through the halls with him to the castle grounds. Or something else. Anything really. She has so much energy all at once.
“I love you.”
She plants a brief kiss to his lips, wondering how long will take for her not to feel emotional when hearing he say it. To recover she says:
“Because of my Head Girl skills?”
“Yes. And all the rest.”
She is never going to love anyone else, she is sure of it. She chooses him. Forever. And he never doubted he would only love her, without having any kind of choice in the matter