Chapter Text
The taxi pulled up to the house, music already pouring out of the building along with some of the guests. Julian paid the driver and made to get out of the car. Caitlin’s phone buzzed and she dug it out of her bag.
“It might be Barry saying he’s late, just let me check.”
He boyfriend rolled his eyes in faint exasperation as he left the taxi. Caitlin grinned when she saw that it was indeed a text from her terminally late friend saying he’d catch up with them later. She backed out of the message and her eye strayed to the thread under it. She bit her lip for a second before giving in and opening it up. She blushed as she looked back at the messages she’d sent. She had been home alone a couple of nights ago while Julian worked late again. A quick message to see if they was going to the party was followed by an ‘I miss you’. Caitlin blamed the bottle of wine she had been making her way through. She groaned and locked the phone before throwing it back in her bag as if that could erase the message. She slipped a smile on and left the taxi. Julian was already at the door of the house looking at his watch with a frown. Caitlin smiled at him as she slid her hand into his and they entered the party.
It was the usual party Cisco threw. The drinks were flowing and there were beanbags scattered around the room but there was currently a heated game of Mario Kart going on judging by the giant screen and the trash talking. Caitlin rolled her eyes fondly wondering where she would eventually find the host. She and Julian soon separated and went to find their own circles. She dropped down on the couch next to Iris and was greeted with a smile and a hug.
“Caitlin! I’m glad you came, you’ve been too busy lately.”
Caitlin shrugged one shoulder ruefully.
“It can’t be helped, we’ve been making some great breakthroughs lately and it’s keeping us on our toes.”
“No sign of Barry yet either.”
“He text to say he’d be late.”
Iris laughed.
“Why am I not surprised? I don’t think we have to worry though, I have Snart’s word that Bar will get here even if he has to drag him here himself.”
Caitlin joined in the laughing. Snart had once appeared at a party with a swearing Barry slung over one shoulder, had dumped him on a couch and left again. She didn’t doubt they would be seeing Barry at some point.
“He did tell me to keep an eye on Lisa if she turns up in exchange though. He said she’s still acting off.”
Caitlin suddenly decided that she needed a drink and headed towards the bar after asking Iris if she wanted anything. She was almost there when someone barreled into her. She turned to give them a frosty look but smiled brightly when she saw it was Cisco.
“Cait!”
Suddenly she was being hugged and couldn’t help laughing as she returned the embrace.
“You know I only saw you yesterday right?”
He pulled back beaming at her.
“I’m just really happy to see you! Is Barry here yet?”
“No, but I have it on good authority that he will be.”
Cisco deflated slightly.
“Oh, cool.”
He started up a stream of conversation but Caitlin could tell he was agitated. She frowned slightly.
“What’s wrong?”
He suddenly looked like a deer caught in headlights. He started chuckling nervously.
“What? What are you talking about? Nothings wrong! Why would anything be wrong?”
Caitlin could tell that babbling was about to start so she just leveled him with That Look as Barry and Cisco liked to call it. After biting his lip for a second he took a deep breath.
“Fine! I wanted to tell you and Barry at the same time but…”
He trailed off and, after a furtive look around the room, pulled a chain out from under the neck of his shirt. Caitlin’s eyes zeroed in on what was on the chain and her mouth dropped open.
“Is that…?”
Cisco shot her a happy but nervous look.
“An engagement ring? Yep.”
She looked at him and saw he was waiting nervously for her reaction. She gave a small squeal and threw her arms around him. He laughed as he tried to escape her death grip. She pulled back smiling so wide that her face hurt.
“I’m so happy for you! I was beginning to think he’d never ask!”
Cisco grinned.
“Me too, but you know what Harry’s like.”
He said this with such fondness that Caitlin felt a stab in her chest and her smile became slightly strained.
“Well congratulations, and don’t worry I won’t say anything.”
Her friend looked relieved.
“Thanks Cait, we’re just telling family and close friends at the moment, partially just so we don’t spook Harry. Not that he’d ever admit that though.”
Caitlin laughed and suddenly a mischievous look crossed Cisco’s face as he wiggled his eyebrows.
“You never know, it might be you next.”
Caitlin laughed again to hide her expression.
“One step at a time Cisco. Now if you don’t mind I’m supposed to be getting a drink and you’re supposed to be hosting a party.”
She shooed him away and with another hug and whispered congratulations they split. When Caitlin reached the bar she saw that Julian was already there so she sat beside him. He gave her a distracted smile as he continued to argue with someone about something that sounded work related. Caitlin ordered her drink and allowed herself a small sigh of defeat as she waited on her drink. She thought about her friends and their relationships. Iris was happily married to Eddie, Barry was blissed out with Snart, and now Cisco was going to marry Harry. Not only that but he was going to become a step-father. Compared to that… she subtly looked at Julian out of the corner of her eye. She was distracted momentarily when her drink was placed in front of her. She smiled at the barwoman in thanks and turned her attention to her drink. She stirred it with a straw while frowning lightly.
If she was brutally honest with herself she had agreed to that first date with Julian because he had seemed safe. She had genuinely liked him and he was always so polite. The small smiles he gave her had always felt more precious because they were so rare. One of those smiles would always have her smiling back with a warmth in her belly. And they were passionate, not overly so but sometimes they still reached toe-curling levels. But it had been a while since that had happened. Caitlin wasn’t an idiot, she knew they had been drifting apart for a while now. Julian worked late all the time. Caitlin had tried to make sure they still had time together, she understood being absorbed by your work as it was something she could be prone to too, but after the fourth canceled date she had given up. Sometimes they could go days without seeing each other and it had been some time since it affected her. She continued to stir her drink as her mind strayed to that forbidden place. Her last relationship.
It had been so different. It had been a fire that swept through her life leaving nothing untouched. There were rarely missed dates and if there were they were made up. They were definitely made up. Thoughts of fingers trailing down her back, a mouth hot like a brand, and silent cries had her throwing back a large portion of her drink to cool down. It hadn’t just been about sex. Though that had been amazing. There was the endless hours of soft conversations, questions about everything from scars to childhood pets names. The sleepy smiles in the morning. Teasing in coffee shops over orders. A thousand thoughtful gestures that left Caitlin breathless. They had been together for months and no one had known about them. Caitlin had been worried about what her mother would say and they had complained about an over protective brother that had ruined so many relationships. It was perfect otherwise. So perfect.
Too perfect? Caitlin’s analytical mind began to plague her. Nothing that good could last forever could it? Eventually they would burn out and Caitlin hadn’t thought she would ever recover from that. So she had ended it. They hadn’t seemed to be overly bothered by this and that had hurt badly enough that Caitlin knew she was making the right choice. They had both been civil and had agreed to remain friends as they had some in common. Caitlin put the memories of the relationship in a mental box and had sealed it shut. It wasn’t a foolproof technique as evidenced by nights alone with a bottle of wine and her phone. Caitlin flushed in shame as she took another sip of her drink. Those were the nights she hated herself for. She hated the idea that they thought she was just stringing them along whenever she felt like it. Nothing could be further from the truth. If she was honest with herself she almost felt like she was the one unknowingly being strung along. Unknowingly because they would never consciously do it. They were too good for that. But she watched the endless parade of people through the bedroom she had once been so familiar with and lied to herself that it didn’t affect her. When she lay in bed alone or with Julian asleep beside her while she cried she tried to convince herself it was for some other reason. But lying in the dark was the one time she couldn’t lie to herself. She hated herself. She didn’t love Julian anymore just as she knew he had fallen out of love with her. They were both just too comfortable and afraid to put an end to whatever it was that was left between them. Caitlin was beginning to admit to herself that they both deserved better than that. There was a commotion from the direction of the door as someone else arrived. She paid no attention until she heard the scoff come from beside her.
“What is she doing here?”
Caitlin finally looked up to see who Julian was talking about. Lisa Snart was standing in the center of the room surrounded by her usual crowd of admirers. Even though it was a casual party she was wearing a short, form fitting gold dress and a smile full of promises. Caitlin looked down at her own jeans and strappy white top with a sigh. She could never look like that no matter what she wore. When she looked back up Lisa was smiling at a cheerful Cisco and no doubting going through her usual routine of trying to fluster the man. Their friends all knew it was harmless and in good fun, though that didn’t stop Harry from glaring at her whenever they were in the same room. She smiled as she looked at Cisco knowing that it was probably killing him not to declare his news to the world. When she turned her gaze back to the Lisa she found their eyes locking. Caitlin froze as the familiar fire that had never died coursed through her body. Then Lisa smiled and looked away. Caitlin turned back to her drink to try and drown the pit in her stomach and the voice in her head that always whispered that she made a mistake. Julian finally turned his attention to her and they had a pleasant conversation for a while.
Eventually she decided to do a lap of the house, stopping in the room that housed the pool table and watched some unsuspecting fool get hustled. A flash of colour at the far end of the table caught her eye. She would never admit it but her eye always instinctively sought out any flashes of gold. Lisa was standing extremely close to another woman and they were blatantly flirting. Caitlin tried to convince herself it didn’t bother her and tried to focus on the game. She heard a giggle and her attention was snagged again. The bimbo talking to Lisa was giggling and stroking her hand down Lisa’s bare arm. Caitlin suddenly wished she had brought another drink with her. Mind made up she stood away from the wall with every intention of heading back to the bar when she saw it. Lisa gave the other woman a slow small. Her smile. Something in Caitlin snapped and she found herself striding towards the two women. She was barely aware of grabbing Lisa’s hand as she kept moving and soon found herself in the bathroom. It was thankfully empty and she took a couple of subtle deep breaths. Then she realized that Lisa was in the bathroom with her.
Lisa raised an eyebrow and Caitlin flushed. What had she been thinking? What was she doing? She quickly scrambled to apologize.
“I’m so sorry Lisa, I don’t know what I was thinking dragging you in here.”
“I don’t think you were thinking, I think you were jealous.”
Caitlin tried to think of something to say, a way to dispute it believably, when Lisa rolled her eyes with a grin.
“Hey if I remember correctly you were the one that broke up with me Cait.”
It was said in a playful tone but Caitlin knew better. She had studied that face for too long not to see the brief look of vulnerability cross it. A childhood of hiding how she felt and other weaknesses had left Lisa with a nearly impenetrable wall. Caitlin mentally cursed Lewis Snart.
“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I promise it won’t happen again.”
Caitlin bobbed her head slightly in apology with a strained smile and moved to walk past Lisa to the door. As she did she caught a waft of perfume. It was the same woodsy scent Lisa had always worn when they were dating and suddenly everything Caitlin had spent so long trying to bury burst to the surface. She spun around before she could even think about what she was doing and closed the distance between her and Lisa. She had a brief moment to see the look of surprise in the other woman’s eyes before their lips met. She felt Lisa freeze and immediately she realized what she was doing. She made to pull back when hands buried themselves in her hair and Lisa was kissing her back. Caitlin’s mind took a backseat to her body. They didn’t so much kiss as devour each other. Caitlin slid her hands down Lisa’s body reacquainting herself with familiar curves that the dress did little job of concealing. She slid her hands over Lisa’s ass and squeezed. She was treated to a heavy moan that she swallowed eagerly. Caitlin backed Lisa towards the sink without breaking any point of contact, fingernails were digging into her shoulders now and she could feel the desperation in everything they did. When she felt the bump of contact Caitlin moved her hands down to Lisa’s thighs and hoisted her up onto the counter top. There was the sound of things tipping over while some fell to the ground but nothing was more delicious to Caitlin than the gasp that left Lisa’s mouth. She pulled back slightly to look at the woman under her. Lisa’s pupils were blown and the flimsy straps of her dress had slipped down her shoulders leaving her heaving chest only barely covered. She had always loved when Caitlin took charge and she knew it wouldn’t take long before the other woman was falling apart.
Apparently displeased with the pause Lisa wound her hands back into Caitlin’s hair and dragged their mouths back together. Caitlin parted Lisa’s lips with her tongue and remapped the cavern. She soon felt legs wrapping around her waist and moved her mouth to work on Lisa’s neck. She was rewarded with a tightening of legs as she licked and sucked. While her mouth was occupied she slid her hands back up Lisa’s legs and towards her waist. In a hazy corner of her mind she knew that there would be very little the dress covered now. The hands moved from her hair, sliding down her back before slipping inside her jeans and gripping her ass to pull her closer. Caitlin moaned against Lisa, the sound echoing off the tiles and intermingling with Lisa’s gasps. Suddenly there was a banging on the door and they sprung apart.
“Hey is someone in there?”
“Occupied!”
Caitlin could hear the sound of whoever it was leaving and hoped that they hadn’t heard how shaky her voice was. She suddenly realized what she had been doing and it was like being drenched in freezing water. She looked to where Lisa was still sitting on the counter but was trying to put herself to rights. No amount of fixing would be able to hide the activities she’d been engaged in. Just the sight of her was enough to make Caitlin weak at the knees. Lisa hopped down and finally looked at Caitlin.
“You and Julian, is it serious?”
Caitlin blinked while trying to bring her thoughts in order.
“…What?”
Lisa shrugged with an unaffected look.
“Just curious.”
She adjusted a strap of her dress and gave Caitlin a cheeky smile that the other woman could see didn’t reach her eyes.
“Hey it’s just a bit of fun, I won’t tell if you won’t.”
She grinned and winked as she walked past Caitlin towards the door.
“That’s not fair.”
Lisa turned back with a look of confusion and the faintest traces of anger.
“Not fair? I think I’m being pretty generous here.”
Caitlin gave her a look full of remorse.
“On you, it’s not fair on you.”
Lisa’s face softened slightly.
“Cait, I’m not-”
Caitlin’s words exploded out of her.
“But you are! You’re so much more than you think you are, you deserve so much!”
“Just not you huh?”
Caitlin’s mouth shut for a moment before she continued.
“You didn’t seem to have any problem replacing me.”
She immediately shut her eyes as a wave of mortification swept over her. She really hated herself sometimes. She heard a sigh.
“Do you know why I always come dressed to kill at these house parties?”
Caitlin opened her eyes and watched as sadness swept across Lisa’s face.
“Because I know you’ll be here. And I figure even if you didn’t love me at least you might want my body just like everyone else. Guess I was right.”
Caitlin took an abortive step towards her.
“That’s not true, I never said I didn’t-”
“You never said you did either.”
It was in that moment that Caitlin realized just how colossally she’d fucked up.
“I’m sorry Lisa. I was scared, and I know that isn’t an excuse but I-I…”
She trailed off not knowing what to say to avoid making things worse. Another sigh.
“I’m not going to be your mistress, the one you cheat on your boyfriend with.”
“I would never do that to you.”
“Why are you always so-”
Lisa cut herself off with a sound of aggravation. Suddenly she straightened up, shoulders back and marched to stand in front of Caitlin. Caitlin prepared herself, sure she was going to be slapped. Instead Lisa spoke.
“Here’s the deal. I want you back but I want you honestly so I’m giving you… let’s say a week. If at the end of the week you decide you want to try being us again break up with Blond and Boring and we can try again. If not I’m done. I’m done hoping and waiting and I’ll move on for real. So that’s my offer. Do you agree?”
Caitlin nodded. Lisa gently kissed her cheek before walking to the door and pulling it open. She looked back.
“You know how to find me.”
With that she was gone. Caitlin walked backwards and slumped against the edge of the sink, her mind reeling.
What now?