road to the sun (quietly with a swollen heart)

by orphan_account

Summary:

“We weren’t ditching!” Minseok defended. “Rather, we were unditching,”

New transfer student, Hyunjun, just wants to pass this new year without any complications or (unnecessary) social relationships, but he just happens to meet a curly haired boy who is determined to befriend him.

Chapter 1: the new student

There was a click of heels heading further away in the distance; boys with untied shoelaces chasing after girls dressed in skirts; lockers slamming shut; and eyes that burned with intensity as they followed the limbs of a boy dressed in a crinkled blazer— his school uniform protruding its embroidered badge on the right shirt pocket paired with a loose black and green tie.

 

He hated that feeling, knowing the passing judgements from prolonging looks that trailed after his every step. He hated the prickling feeling of hearing whispers dance in the hallway the further he walked— it started as a crystal mumble, then a giggle, and ogling eyes. He hated the attention he gave himself just by simply walking. He hated–

 

“Class, settle down and please welcome your new classmate. Would you like to introduce yourself?”

 

– that . The curiosity of hormonal teenagers who gazed at him like a predator, waiting for his next move. First days were never easy. But if these thoughts were running through his head, no one would be able to tell— not with the unphased mask he wore.

 

“Lee Hyunjun. Junior.”

 

Those three words got the whole class talking. Some were trying their best to secretly carry a conversation about him; others not so much as they turned their backs to him and occasionally glanced over. 

 

There were only two empty seats in the classroom, all reserved in the back right corner where the large windows sat. He stalked toward the seat abandoned in the corner and all scratched up before the teacher could dismiss him, dropping his bag by his feet and gazing out into the sky barren of clouds. The attention on him died a little right as the school bell rang signaling the beginning of lectures, hefting out collateral groans from a few students who had to separate from their friends. The teacher had barely begun mouthing her greetings before she was interrupted by footsteps that slammed onto the tile. 

 

A lanky boy leaned forward, eyes shooting in every direction and panting. 

 

“Minseok, it’s nice to see you again. Don’t let it happen again.”

 

The boy nodded profusely before plopping himself down into the seat next to Hyunjun, barely noticing the newcomer as he dug through his bag. Hyunjun was glad for that as he was not in the mood to make small talk with a stranger. 

 

Lecture began with a drawn out syllabus and mentions of the annual school festival that will open the following week, earning a frequent cheer here and there. A buzzing atmosphere arose that Hyunjun paid no attention to, choosing to keen his sight on the tower bell. Then he heard it. 

 

“Excuse me. Would you mind getting my eraser from under your desk?” 

 

He stifled a sigh, knowing he couldn’t avoid engaging with the kid without a proper excuse as his earphones were still in his bag. He spared not a single eye contact when he glanced over his shoulders and leaned down to retrieve the grey eraser that fell by his foot. It had doodles scratched on of a bunny.  

 

“Thank you,” 

 

A smile that was too big for a small situation like this etched onto the boy, who looked at Hyunjun as if he just gave him the universe. He tilted his head and as if Hyunjun knew he was going to ask for his name, he slipped his earphones into his ear and ignored the beaming presence to his right. 

 

The day continued like-so.

Minseok had never felt his legs grant such speed in such an undesired situation, sprinting across crosswalks and dodging cars rounding the corner. A text in bold letters from Soojung— his senior, one of his best friends, and the school’s president— was the highlight of the (late) day. 

 

<3 jihoo <3

The school gates are closing in five mins. Are you in class yet? 

me

AJJDJREJS:;;;;;??:/

<3 jihoo <3

...I’ll be by the gate to let you in.

 

This was the second day he was late to his morning class and it was barely the beginning of the new school year. He cringed before he stepped foot onto the school ground, already imagining furrowed eyebrows and the slight scowl on his teacher’s face, who had previously been his writing teacher last year. But before he could make a turn, he saw a familiar figure in his peripheral vision making him hesitate in his steps. He squinted at the person climbing the football field’s metal fences, red bangs in their face and checkered shoes shoved in between the holes in the fence while their arms gripped the bar to balance themself on top.

Oh, it’s him , he thought. The new guy whose name he still didn’t know. 

 

“Hey!” Minseok shouted, legs heading towards his direction. “Buddy!” 

 

Hyunjun pointedly looked up, eyes catching onto the kid with his shirt half buttoned and his tie half caught onto his backpack. Not waiting for a second more, he quickened his process of escaping, throwing his other leg over the metal wire. But that made Minseok shout even louder, figuring perhaps the boy hear him properly. Crows cawed at a distance, watching the two pitiful humans.

 

“Wait– no– wrong direction! The school entrance is that way!” 

 

Just one more step, one more step and this dumbass would be out of hair’s way , was what Hyunjun thought before he yanked one of his feet back. It didn’t budge from its spot. 

 

“Hey!” Now that voice definitely did not belong to the curly head. It was deeper, almost aggressively deeper. Both students looked in the direction it came from at the same time. 

 

“Students. Office. Now .”

“Sir, I can explain–”

 

“Kid, are you aware of how many times I’ve heard that from students caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing in the first place?” The man uncrossed his arms to pick up his mug of coffee, sipping loudly in the too quiet small office. He placed the mug by his desk tag and crossed his arms again, reclining back in his chair. 

 

Hyunjun and Minseok awkwardly stood facing the front, both reaching the same height, equally lanky, and looking as if they wanted to be anywhere but here; but they looked rather like polar opposites. Minseok nervously folded his hands, toes twitching in his sneakers, brown curls unbrushed, shirt ruffled and unbuttoned even further than this morning, and his blazer was tied around his waist. Hyunjun, on the other hand, had his hands in his pocket, and eyes half lidded, wandering around the office as if absorbing as many details as it can before engaging in a game of I Spy . His blazer was left unbothered and trailed down to his white uniform shirt underneath that wasn’t even properly tucked in his black pants; his tie was nowhere in sight. He didn’t seem to mind the bangs that were covering his eyes. 

 

“We weren’t ditching!” Minseok defended. “Rather, we were unditching,”

 

The man let out a sigh. “Look Minseok, this is your third year here. I would have taken that you should know the rules by now. Is this really how you want to start off your junior year? And Hyunjun...” He cut short of his sentence and slid yellow slips of paper across his desk. “Which reminds me, I have to speak with Soojung about this; he seems to let you off the hook easily— I keep my eyes on the school gates and I have seen you arrive late enough times. I don’t want any biases to form in his position,” He shooed at the two students. 

 

“Detention after school and a call to your parents. You can clock out at four.”

 

Hyunjun did not not hesitate to head out as soon as the words were verbalized by throwing his backpack over his shoulder and pushing his skateboard under his arm; steps light as he trailed down the hallways. He left without a look back to Minseok. 

Thud. Thud. Thud . The tennis ball bounced off the brick wall with a continuous beat every three seconds passing. Silhouette of leaves casted down by the big oak tree planted at the back of the art department shied away, penetrating blinding sunlight Hyunjun was hoping to avoid right in his eyes. He scrunched them close, moving his head this way and that to find shade. 

 

The bleachers he laid on were barely occupied by students; only the isolated art kids ever visit here to either sketch out a masterpiece or the couple who wanted to get away to share a few kisses. It was also the furthest building away from the main ground everyone walked in and out of. Hyunjun could use some time away from the crowd, only barely managing to slip past the girls’ lingering stares from his writing course. 

 

He tossed the ball again but instead of bouncing back to his hand, he let his hand drop; the neon yellow-green fuzzy ball rolling down to the scraped corner. He closed his eyes, arms behind his head making his white shirt ride up a bit but he didn’t mind. No one was here to see him anyways; no one who could absolutely demolish the silence of the trees–

 

“Hyunjun!” That same annoying kid from this morning. I did this kid one favor, which was simply picking up his eraser, and now he just seems to have it out for me , he thought. He kept his eyes closed. Did I land on a curse?

 

“That’s your name right? I heard the principal mention it,”

 

How does this kid appear everywhere I go? Hyunjun frowned. He felt, rather than saw, the kid crouch by the bleachers, dipping his chin onto his folded arms as he stared down at the red haired boy, having no sense of personal space.

 

The fuck is up with this kid?

 

“You want to walk to the detention center together? Might as well get over it. I’m Min– Woosu by the way,” 

 

Woosu? Hyunjun opened his eyes, meeting a puppy who towered over him.

 

Minseok let a smile break loose the moment they made eye contact, starting small and slowly letting it embrace the warmth under sunlight blocked by tree branches. Surprisingly, it was Minseok who was the first to break eye contact as he leaned back and scruffed the bottoms of his shoes into the grass and pebbles. 

 

“It’s a nickname one of my friends made back in primary. I guess it stuck,” His eyes shifted down to follow the pebble he kicked. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for causing you trouble; I didn’t mean to, honest. I just thought you were lost since you’re new and all, but I probably frightened you when I shouted,” 

 

Hyunjun continued staring at him in silence. How dumb is this kid to not see that I really was trying to ditch? 

 

“I’m going to get an earful the moment I step on my front porch. Not even the front porch; more like the sidewalk in front of my driveway— wait, where are you going?” He trailed after Hyunjun, who decided to hoist himself off the warm bleachers and head in the opposite direction of the mainstream crowd, slowly dwindling down now that most have gone home. 

 

“So, are we cool now?”

The red head with his blazer thrown over his shoulder and the giant puppy following beside him reached the detention room right on the dot, breezing past one of the school’s treasurers who clicked his tongue at them and scribbled something down on his clipboard— probably to mark attendance— and closed the door right after them. The room that detention took place in also served as places that multiple clubs have used: the drama club, music club, essentially all the art clubs. It was not quite a tight fit, not small but not big either; filled with a long table that was shoved against the wall, musical production posters stapled to the grey walls and a word board. A limited number of desks were available, in which four other students sat, each doing their own thing. One was reading, two were napping, and the other seemed to be practicing their choreography in their seat. All devices, including earphones, were collected into a basket. 

 

Hyunjun, as expected, chose the seat in the furthest back where the musical posters were; Minseok plopping himself next to him. The white board in the front explicitly stated, “No talking, no loud noises, no eating or drinking, no playing games, no music…” and yet, Minseok found himself leaning to the side to whisper, “Did you bring anything to do?”

 

The addressed boy glanced over, folded his blazer into a bundle, and proceeded to nap. 

 

Minseok always had a difficult time taking naps ever since he was a child; if he was awake, then he was awake. The only time he could recall taking a nap was the day he hiked for two hours, river-rafted for four, and played in the waters until his camping counselors had to physically make him leave to his cabin back in the fifth grade on his science camp trip. Otherwise, he always pretended to take naps or jumped around to tire himself out where his own mother gave up on trying to get him to sleep at the age of four. So it was astonishing for him to see Hyunjun pass out the moment his head hit the bundle, lips parted a bit, and breaths coming out unevenly. 

 

Maybe he really was tired , Minseok pursed his lips. He fidgeted in his seat after taking a look at everyone else in the room; the treasurer was turning the pages on his book. He counted how many pieces of gum he could find under desks, how many red items he could spot; made up stories on how the other remaining people managed to land themselves in the detention room; what the treasurer could have been doing at this instant instead of watching over kids who got caught; and how many breaths Hyunjun took since the start of his nap. But those activities were not enough to last the two hours in detention, so he sought after the stack of paper nearby on one of the lower shelves to make some paper stars and paper cranes. 

 

Hyunjun could’ve sworn he felt something tap on his hair and every part of his face in between in-and-out of sleep, but figured it was probably his imagination. Little did he know, Minseok was busy balancing paper cranes on his shoulders, head, and the desk he was laying on as a challenge to see how many could last before Hyunjun awoke. 

 

At some point in between, Minseok took notice of the way Hyunjun’s shoulders seemed to shiver, his legs clenching as close as possible almost as if his body was involuntarily curling in on itself as he slept. 

 

How cute; he’s like a cat.  

 

He destacked the paper cranes on Hyunjun’s head and shoulders to drape his blazer over Hyunjun, careful enough not to awake the red head. That was the best warmth Hyunjun could receive in this situation. He continued making paper stars and littering them in the red wave of hair in the meantime. 

The first thing he noticed upon entering his conscious state was the weight that had settled around his upper body, embracing him from behind. The second thing was the amount of cranes surrounding him as he blinked his eyes open. The third being the giant mop of curly hair who was also laying on his folded arms but very clearly awake, blowing his front bangs away from his forehead in pure boredom. Minseok had used up about fifty pages of paper before they were confiscated from him by the treasurer. Hyunjun shifted, looking at the material wrapped around him and looking back at his own blazer bundled underneath his arms. 

 

Minseok glanced over at the sudden movement, eyes shining at seeing Hyunjun fumble with the blazer around him. His hair was pressed flat onto the left side of his face. 

 

“You’re awa–”

 

A dark jacket flung at his face, prompting him to choke on his words. The red head took the opportunity to look at the clock; the red handle landing exactly on the minute mark of four in the afternoon. He stood up and scraped his seat across the floor, dragging his blazer behind him and heading straight to the exit; the first to leave detention. He once again left with no looks to spare at the irritated treasurer nor at Minseok, blinking his eyes after him. But what no one took notice of was the red tint on the tip of Hyunjun’s ears. His memories of the day were nothing left but of the morning incident and the pretty boy’s smell absorbed by his blazer. 

Hyunjun did not skip any classes during the entire week, present in attendance but absent in activities and the classroom; he was a mirror that never moved its reflection. Lunch time was no different, Minseok searched every secret corner on school grounds that he could think of, but the red head was just simply gone. He was like an illusion.  

 

Minseok still attempted to engage in conversations with the red head, gaining no verbal responses, but he didn’t mind as much because he knew the boy was listening to his words. To others, talking to Hyunjun was more or less similar to talking to a brick wall that never cracked and budge but Minseok saw the responses in Hyunjun’s features. Sometimes, his eyes would dart very quickly to his right side; his fingers would twitch after Minseok retells something comical that happened to him in the mornings. One time, Minseok could’ve sworn he saw a slight smile appear but it was gone just as easily. Those actions made Minseok even more motivated to talk to him. 

 

Hyunjun stayed in his seat like a statue, earphones resting secretively in the crook of his blazer, and was the first to leave every time. He never looked at anyone directly— just walked off and headed to wherever he was. And yet, Minseok talks. He talks and talks because even if Hyunjun might never respond, he figured the boy could use some company. He didn’t pity the loneliness surrounding Hyunjun’s existence— rather he empathized. Humans are never meant to be isolated.

 

But one day, something happened. Others could dismiss the action as simply as a leaf falling off a tree because it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but Hyunjun’s actions said a lot. After Minseok confessed he doesn’t understand anything going on in Hamlet, their class book of the year, Hyunjun turned to stare at him. He stared as Minseok continued to chuckle, mocking a scene he found entertaining. The stare lasted maybe three— or was it four—  seconds before Hyunjun turned to look at his book flipped open to the wrong page. Minseok took that as he had Hyunjun’s attention for a brief moment. So Minseok continued. He continued saying he thinks Hamlet should fight his father’s ghost and that a character should mysteriously die to make the whole play interesting. By lunch time, Hyunjun disappeared to his secret spot and Minseok continued to eat lunch with Junyoung and Soojung by the library. 

Today was a game of hide-and-seek with the sun, heavy clouds hindering any sight of warm yellow to the human eyes. The grey sky rumbled, threatening to send a tiny drizzle of rain, and Minseok was once again running late. 

 

“Woosu, I’m not on gate duty tomorrow so make sure to actually arrive on time,” Soojung had sighed, flipping through Junyoung’s math book that he accidentally left at his house. 

 

Oh, how those words seemed to haunt him at this very moment.  

 

He skidded past pedestrians and curved towards a shortcut that Junyoung and he used to take to catch up on their gaming hours back in elementary. It was a literal hole in the wire fence— a half of it ripped— with vines dangling to blockade from trespassers to no avail. Minseok squeezed himself in, dashing toward the dirt pathway that led to one of the school fields until he bumped into something. Or more like someone. The same red bangs, the same trousers, the same tie that was never done all the way, the same blazer that sat tied around his waist. 

 

“Oh, Hyunju-” 

 

A hand covered his mouth and shoved his shoulders down, forcing him into a crouch. The red head spared a glance behind his back, seeing one of the revolving golf carts the sport coaches drove heading towards the baseball field before making a U-Turn. Any hesitance would give both of them away and leaving Minseok in the field alone would risk Hyunjun if the curly hair boy were to blab— knowing him he probably would; so Hyunjun did what he had to do without guaranteeing another detention: he grabbed Minseok’s hand and dragged the boy back to the entrance of the fence. 

 

Minseok was still in a daze, incapable of processing what was happening. One moment he was running to school and the next he was running away from his set destination. It was thrilling albeit confusing— it was mainly confusing— for Minseok.

 

The two of them rushed away from the vines and grass with morning dew; away from the pedestrians who were too busy in their routines to notice the two high school boys running while holding hands; away from the yellow crosswalk signs; away until Hyunjun slowed down by the road to multiple small shops. Minseok panted right after him.

 

It was silent between the two— Minseok’s brain catching up to the situation— and as if on cue both looked straight down at their linked hands. Hyunjun was the first to fling Minseok’s hand off, almost disgusted by their interaction. He didn’t bother to wait for him as he headed down the road; Minseok once again trailing after him like an anxious puppy. 

 

They ended up at a convenience store with vertical glass windows, a sign out front announcing the new hot dog machine that was just installed. As if he knew the store’s layout on the back of his hand, Hyunjun headed straight to the aisle displaying cold beverages, grabbed an Arizona and snatched a Twix bar on the way to ring at the counter. Minseok stayed close behind him, looking around at the store. 

 

Hyunjun reached for his wallet and, while pulling out some change, let his eyes rake up to Minseok’s face, looking at his wide, wandering eyes as if he’d never stepped foot in a convenience store before. Minseok couldn’t think of the words he wanted to say in this situation while alarms were going off in his inner turmoil; he was just confused as to why Hyunjun’s first initiated interaction with him was to drag him to a convenience store instead of heading to school where they were supposed to be at this hour. 

 

Unless he was really ditching–

 

Oh. Oh .

 

His realization hit a tad bit too late as Hyunjun stepped back, returned with a carton of banana milk, and quickly paid for the three items. He stepped outside, knowing Minseok would follow him a beat second later, and threw the carton back without peering over his shoulder. Minseok’s bad reflex skills made the carton drop onto the parking lot but just as fast as Hyunjun left, he blew off the dirt on the cold carton and ran after Hyunjun.

Both boys traveled to an area— a park presumably— with skating rinks and slopes stretched with metal bars used to do tricks. Hyunjun, of course, led the way.

 

He dipped behind the black gates that separated the skating park and swimming center for senior citizens, and came back with a skateboard underneath his arms. One look and you can tell it’s been used for years— the backside was scratched up with the tips chipped off as if one smashed it into the ground too many times. The backboard was white with an abstract design in primary colors in black outlines, not polished like the boards sold at stores but manually painted on. 

 

The red head placed his items on the ground and ran for it, skating down the first hill in a trial run. Minseok planted himself on the ground, sucked on the white plastic straw stabbed in his carton, and watched the boy skate. The only noises were of Minseok’s slurping and wheels rolling fiercely, clanging against metal before dropping onto the cement. How many hours had passed— Minseok had no idea— until he felt his phone vibrate. 

 

<3 jihoo <3

Where are you? 

 

Shit. It was probably lunch time and by assumptions, his best friends were both waiting up on him. 

 

me

don’t wait up for me </3 im not at school

 

<3 jihoo <3
Are you sick? 

 

<3 jihoo <3

Want me to drop by after school with soup?

 

Minseok did not know what to reply. Did he lie and say he already ate soup and would like to rest up or tell him the truth? That he quite literally ran into a boy he’s been talking to for a week and they both ditched out of fear by being caught twice, and now he’s currently sipping on banana milk as he’s watching the said boy skate at a park when he should be at the lunch table with his two friends as they argue over which Super Smash Bro character is superior? His hesitation on typing a reply was interrupted by Hyunjun plopping down next to him to open the Arizona can while keeping a few distances away. 

 

The most abnormal thing to ever happen between them was the silence. Not once had it been this silent between the two ever since they met each other on the first day, what with all of Minseok’s efforts to accompany the boy. If Minseok ever died down in conversation because he had to focus on the lecture, he never had it last for more than a minute, reviving the conversation in just a twist of a lightbulb. Minseok always initiated. 

 

“So… do you go here all the time?” Minseok glanced over at Hyunjun, who paused mid-drinking. 

 

Bringing him here was a mistake. Hyunjun, without glancing over, shrugged. Don’t know .

 

“Did you paint that? I like the colors. Pink is my favorite color,” said Minseok, pointing at the skateboard. He offered a smile. 

 

Why does this boy keep trying to talk to me? Hyunjun spared a glance at him before drinking his tea. 

 

“I’ve never skateboarded before. I used to ride the little scooters around my neighborhood, but never skateboards.” Minseok placed his empty carton down. 

 

“Maybe you should teach me,” 

 

That was not what he expected.

 

“What?” Hyunjun stared at him in bewilderment. 

 

He couldn’t take that slip-up back, the first words he’s ever said to this curly head boy who has been engaging with him for a week straight, not when the boy heard it so clearly judging by the growing grin taking over his face. 

 

“Show me how,” Minseok pushed himself off the ground, holding a hand out for Hyunjun to take as he gestured to the skateboard by his feet. 

 

I can’t exactly pretend to ignore him now, now that he directly asked me.

 

He pulled himself to his feet, ignoring the stretched hand, and dropped his skateboard, keeping it still by the top of his feet. He stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to approach Minseok. 

 

The curly head took the initiative to reach out both his hands, not yet touching Hyunjun directly but more as a standee position to secure himself on the skateboard. He rested his hands on both of Hyunjun’s shoulders lightly to where Hyunjun could step back if he was uncomfortable with the touch, and lifted his left foot to rest on the board. His legs slightly shook, squirming in fear of the board moving. 

 

Meanwhile, Hyunjun stiffened the moment Minseok touched his shoulders, not quite knowing what to do now that Minseok practically towered over him. He could see that the boy was quite unsteady, not taking the initiative to move the board itself. So he cleared his throat, hesitantly placed his hands on Minseok’s bent elbows, and started walking to the side. The board rolled under Minseok’s feet, with him occasionally making a few small noises that were a mix of an “mmm” and “aah” to express his startlement. 

 

“Um,” Hyunjun cleared his throat after a round of two minutes or so walking around like that. “You should try on your own now,” 

 

“You know… with your…” He gestured vaguely. “...with your legs,”

 

He waited for Minseok to steady himself then slowly retrieved his hands. He created distance from Minseok and stood to where the rails were, waiting for him.

 

Minseok pushed with one leg, arms reaching out as a reflex motion, and skated painfully slowly in Hyunjun’s direction. He tried again, little by little, and ultimately on his last push he exerted too much force causing the board to rush forward. He had no time to stop the board, legs frozen in a tense hunch, and crashed into a body. Arms embraced his tiny waist and his forehead collided with another as both boys fell down. The skateboard shot away.

 

“I-I’m so sorry!” He stammered. “I’m so, so sorry– Are you okay?”

 

He peered down at the red head, who clutched at his forehead, nose scrunching up in discomfort. Their legs entangled together while Minseok hovered on top— more so as him practically laying on Hyunjun— with concern over his face. His nose aligned with the other’s red cheeks, heating by the second the more Minseok refused to budge from his position, with his left knee in between Hyunjun’s legs, arms on both sides of his small frame, and an innocent expression that didn’t seem to comprehend how awkward their positions were. Hyunjun held his breath, unresponsive to Minseok blinking and waiting for him to say something. 

 

With Hyunjun’s elbow raised, he noticed the bleeding gash and skin peeling around the corners of the wound. Hyunjun trailed after his gaze and settled on his injury.

 

“Wait right here– I’ll go get my kit!”

 

He abruptly stood up and accidentally kneed Hyunjun on his inner thigh as a result, earning a groan from the other. Hyunjun slightly skimmed his finger around the skin near the wound. The frown remained on his face. 

 

Minseok came back with a small white box— about the size of his palm— filled with designs of Hello Kitty characters, small text filtering the blank spaces. He sat on his legs and applied alcohol wipes before wrapping it with a thin white gauze. 

 

“Pororo or Hello Kitty?”

 

Hyunjun’s response was delayed.

 

“What?”

 

“Do you want Pororo or Hello Kitty?” He raised both band-aid boxes up to showcase them; one yellow and blue and the other pink and red. 

 

Is this kid for real?

 

“Judging by your expression, Pororo it is,”

 

The bright yellow band-aid was taped to the edge of his gauze on the inner arm.  It was silent between the two as Minseok took to pack up his materials, gather the carton of milk before dunking it into a bin, and turn to Hyunjun, who was still sitting on the floor looking blankly at his injured arm. He offered a hand. 

 

“Let’s go eat, yeah? I saw an ice cream place when we passed by earlier,”

 

Minseok grinned at him but Hyunjun could see the smile dimming down the longer Hyunjun took to respond. He slightly hesitated before taking the boy’s hand. He was hoisted up and gathered his snacks and the flipped skateboard, turning to fully look at Minseok. This time, Minseok led the way. 

“I never got to say it earlier, but thank you,”

 

Hyunjun halted from biting down on his straw in habit. He no longer hesitated in giving attention to the curly head sat across from him by the small table, who was too busy swirling his ice cream with his tongue to realize the other was staring at him. 

 

After a sweltering ten minutes under the beam of heat, the two found themselves in a small ice cream shop tucked in between a daycare center and a pizzeria. The shop itself was perfectly square by square ratio— not surprisingly crowded seeing as students were stuck on school grounds at this hour— with soft pink lights hugging the walls nearly passing retro vibes if not for the modern decorations, and working air conditioner. The front cashier counter was made of reflective metal and white checkered floors along the three tiny tables on both sides. Red seats stuck onto hot skin and tables with residue left by children who were eating all sorts of sweets. Along the walls were portraits of dessert illustrations. 

 

Hyunjun sat with his orange slushie, seeing as it was the cheapest item on the menu, and Minseok with his vanilla ice cream topped with sliced strawberries and red syrup. 

 

“What for?”

 

“The banana milk,” Minseok never missed a chance to direct a smile at him. “You didn’t have to buy me anything,”

 

“Oh…” Hyunjun scratched his nape. “Don’t worry about that,”

 

Hyunjun recalled his action. Obligation was due to serve the kid a food item because he was in this situation in the first place because of Hyunjun. Hyunjun, who coincidentally crossed paths with Minseok at wrong timings, but despite this he hasn’t felt this feeling in years— of having a companion by him. It felt out of place and Hyunjun knew he couldn’t be friends with Minseok— friends with a person like Minseok. Someone who went out of his way to talk to someone like him, who was rude and never spared him any responses. But not once did Minseok seem upset over that; it seemed Hyunjun’s silence challenged him even more. 

 

Hyunjun bought him banana milk as a way to apologize for dragging the kid here. But also he caught the kid staring at the item more than once. 

 

“Also I’m sorry about your arm,” The boy licked at the tip of his pink spoon. “This is why I should never ride a skateboard again,”

 

What happened next caused Minseok to baffedly blink at the sight in front of him. Hyunjun cracked a slight smile, balling his left hand into a fist before attempting to hide his smile behind it. Minseok made him smile.

 

I could cry right now, Minseok thought.

 

“It happens. Not that bad,” Hyunjun mumbled, looking down at his bandaged arm. The Pororo band-aid was peeling off. 

 

Delighted with Hyunjun’s responses so far, Minseok pressed the conversation even further. He didn’t want to miss this chance.

 

“Did I ever tell you about that time I broke my head in a bouncy house?”

 

Hyunjun scoffed, not in a mocking way but rather an amused response. 

 

“So, I was at this kid’s birthday party, right? I didn’t know the kid myself but he was the son of a family friend— he was a preschooler who drooled everywhere. But anyways, I was jumping in the bouncy house with all the kids-”

 

The two sat in the cornered table in their own little bubble as the sun blistered into a pink sky in the early afternoon. Minseok rambled and rambled, talking about how he fell off the bouncy house in the first place; how he got a lousy scar on his right temple as a result; and Hyunjun sat and listened. He listened while resting his chin on his hand, elbows digging onto the table. He clung to each word when the wind from the small panels on top blew a slight breeze at his bangs. His smile never ceased, no matter how much he tried to hide it. He was infatuated, intrigued with the boy in front of him. The boy who was unaware of how seemingly charming he was. The boy whose curls bounced the more he moved. The boy who never stopped wanting to be his friend despite Hyunjun’s consistent dismissal.

 

Hyunjun was infatuated. He was comfortable yet uncomfortable. But in this moment, he will give him the time of the day. Just for a little bit. Maybe for a bit longer.

Notes:

please leave comments; it will motivate me to write more chapters :(( !! <3

Chapter 2: ride home

Summary:

Minseok is too nice to him, Hyunjun believes, that on any other occasion, Hyunjun would’ve questioned if he had other motives to befriend him.

His eyes were barely free from yesterday night’s restless hours, even after he trudged to the bathroom, got dressed, and left the house looking and feeling like a ragdoll left on the streets for days. 

 

He didn’t catch a wink of sleep; every time he closed his eyes, his brain conjured up the image of Hyunjun’s small smile at the ice cream shop. He was bashful at the possibility of getting caught with a smile; his lashes kissed his cheeks and he glanced down at the sticky table. 

 

Minseok had difficulty getting rid of that image. So he did what any crazed teenager with an overwhelming amount of love coursing through their body and couldn’t sleep it off would do: he attempted social media searches on the boy. Lee Hyunjun. One name, three syllables, and a face. It shouldn’t have been too hard to find him, except for Minseok’s case it proved to be like-so. 

 

No results on Instagram, none on Naver, not even Twitter. His existence wasn’t anywhere on the web. But then again, this was Hyunjun— the guy who decided no one was worth his attention in the exception that now Minseok was worth it. Minseok couldn’t help getting his hopes up of finding the boy on the web, even if it proved to be a hopeless dream. 

 

He was so wrapped up in finding the guy that he completely forgot about the assignments due in the morning and the text messages from his friends that he forgot to respond to. 

 

<3 jihoo <3 

Woosu, I’m at the front door. Let me in ㅜㅜ

 

<3 jihoo <3

Woosu???

 

<3 jihoo <3

Are you not home??? Hello???

 

<3 jihoo <3 

Where are you? 

 

<3 jihoo <3

Respond or I will eat this hot soup I got you

 

<3 jihoo <3

Nvm Junyoung ate it

 

junyoung T^T

you can’t have some~ haha jk where are you tho jihoo’s worried

 

< GC: lemonade mouth >

<3 jihoo <3

Why do I feel like Troy and Gabriella at the same time during Gotta Go My Own Way?

 

junyoung T^T

friendship ended with woosu, now Hot Soup is my best friend

 

<3 jihoo <3

Woosu, respond to our messages challenge ㄱ-ㄱ

 

junyoung T^T 

open up the safe bitches got a lot to say

 

How should he reply? Minseok deleted the initial reply he thought of, head ducked down as he walked to the small cafe at the corner of the block. 

 

Before the two boys left the ice cream shop, Minseok had asked Hyunjun if he wanted to walk to school together assuming they took the same path from the amount of times they had coincidentally met. Hyunjun was reluctant at first, looking elsewhere but at Minseok. He sipped on his straw more slowly, delaying an answer; so Minseok once again took the initiative for the sake of their developing “friendship” if you could call it that. 

 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. But if you do, meet me by the small cafe on the corner of third street near that shortcut we took,” Minseok offered his phone to Hyunjun, who slowly retrieved the device, fingers clambering for his own phone to exchange. 

 

“Just text me a heads up if you aren’t heading there, so I don’t have to wait. I typically wake up early, so…” He punched in his digits, Hyunjun albeit entering them more slowly. 

 

“It’s getting late. I should head back now,” Minseok with one hand clamped on his phone and the other on his backpack strap, he exchanged one last smile before heading towards the opposite direction to where his home was. He didn’t glance back, missing the slight furrow of Hyunjun’s eyebrows.

 

< GC: lemonade mouth >

 

me

ㅜㅜ sorry i suck at replying i’ll explain during lunch :(((

 

me

ty jihoo for the soup </3 ur the best mwah

 

me

also junyoung did you happen to take notes for math >~<

 

He stood by the fire hydrant so as to not block the sidewalk for passengers heading in and out of the cafe shop, desperately clinging to their cup of coffee. Today’s sky was foretelling of the pouring rain that will make an entrance with soaked cotton balls in the sky complaining and grumbling about. The wind nipped at Minseok’s exposed nape, causing him to involuntarily shrink his neck inwards like a turtle who’s been touched. He pulled at the grey hoodie he wore underneath his blazer to cover his neck and rechecked his messages. 

 

“hi it’s woosu :D” was delivered the minute he toed off his shoes at the front door and hopped on his bed on his belly, feet sticking up in the air like a high school girl waiting for her crush to reply— not that Minseok was exactly like that (He was exactly like that). The message was left unread, glowing blue and underneath was a tiny grey “Delivered”. It was still left unread by the time Minseok returned from his shower, dressed in his yellow short-shorts that were thrifted on the year he went on a camping trip with Jihoo’s family, and a red graphic tee with the faded David Bowie text and his signature lightning strike symbol. It seems Hyunjun was intent on not replying to his messages all the way ‘til morning. 

 

Maybe he just has something going on , Minseok thought. His eyes wandered from passenger to passenger, all either middle-aged men in business suits or teenagers, searching for the familiar red hair and improper uniform fit. He felt, rather than seen, a skateboard roll and hit the back of his ankle, catching him in a surprise as he turned to look at the object by his feet. He glanced up and he saw him. A head of unruly red bangs with long back-ends that was practically a mullet now; one hand stuffed in his pocket and the other left to dangle; cross earrings and silver hoops enveloped his earlobe; and earphones stuffed in his ears. His tie was missing. He stopped a few feet away from where Minseok stood, crouching down to pick up his skateboard. 

 

I didn’t think you would actually show up, was what Minseok had in mind but just as quickly disregarded it. 

 

The two synced their walking pace. Hyunjun was typically slower than Minseok, who was practically bouncing on his tippy-toes, adrenaline rushing through his veins at the simple act of Hyunjun walking with him to school. It was mainly quiet aside from the usual sounds of trees dancing for the wind, cars clunking over the manhole cover on the road, and Minseok’s soles making contact with the ground. 

 

hi, it’s woosu :D

 

It sat in his inbox several minutes after both boys had parted ways at the ice cream shop. Hyunjun stared at the delivered message, having received it minutes prior to his shift starting in the late afternoons. 

 

Should he reply to it?

 

“Just text me a heads up if you aren’t heading there, so I don’t have to wait…” He watched Minseok scurry to punch his digits in. Minseok left with a wave, not glancing back as Hyunjun stood his ground until Minseok disappeared around the corner; until the sun dipped to a deep orange. 

 

He did say to text him if I wasn’t going to head to the cafe, he thought. So he left it as is, clicking his phone off and dropping it in his back pocket. He tightened his apron and wiped the cashier counter clean. He left it as is even after the approaching moonlight bathed in the night sky, cleaning up the cafe as fast as he could before heading home. His ride swayed, phone in his lap blaring the white unread message. It remained ignored as Hyunjun crawled into his small bed, guitar in his lap, and jotted down the lyrics where he last left off. 

 

He contemplated replying to the text by the time he got dressed and walked out the door in the early morning, but figured he shouldn’t upon spotting the curly head waiting by the fire hydrant. He didn’t want to confront the boy with a simple “Hi” because the thought of it was awkward— like if it was a first date type of greeting— so he rolled his skateboard at the boy’s ankle. That ought to replace his verbal greeting. 

 

The pair of them caught up on the class discussion on Hamlet that they missed out on; Minseok hurriedly scribbling down the ideas written on the board while Hyunjun doodled and wrote down one or two words to summarize the idea. But it wasn’t until the lunch bell rang that Hyunjun stuttered to pack up his bag. 

 

Because Minseok had asked him out to lunch. 

 

“Do you want to eat lunch with me?” The curly head was bouncing on his heels, looking down at Hyunjun hopefully. His smile reached his eyes. 

 

Would it be too impolite to decline?  

 

Hyunjun stalled in answering, keeping his attention on zipping his bag slowly. He wasn’t keen on the thought of spending lunch in a crowded room where noises and chatterings went about in all directions. The thought of doing so was overwhelming. He felt anxiety pricking at his skin and a distant ringing in his ear. The eyes on him; the laughter that quickly evaporated into aggressive, uncomfortable anger; the mocking tone of words; the push and shove; the humility and the shame. 

 

“My friends and I eat by the library if that’s what you were wondering. No one ever goes there besides for my two friends,” Minseok wasn’t blind to see the hesitance of Hyunjun struggling with not wanting to seem rude but also eating with two other strangers was definitely not on his to-do list. He crouched down at eye-level with Hyunjun, who remained sitting in his seat and having eye contact with the ground, so as to not intimidate him. He gave a beat of silence before continuing. 

 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. Maybe next time?” Minseok shot back as if an invisible force hit him and dug through his bag. He pulled out a tube of… yogurt? 

 

“I forgot I brought this,” He stretched out his hand. “For you,”

 

This time, Hyunjun glanced up at Minseok, confusion as clear as day in his face. It softened Minseok’s smile and he reached out to take Hyunjun’s hand, putting the tube of yogurt in his palm before enclosing his fingers. 

 

“Eat it before it melts,” Minseok hugged his bag close to his chest, backing up by the door before he turned down the hallway, leaving Hyunjun alone with the softening yogurt in his hands.

“Alright, spill,” Soojung slid his enclosed lunch box to the space by Minseok, pausing him from taking a bite. He sat down in a huff and turned his body to fully face his friend. 

 

“Where were you yesterday?”

 

The three friends’ casual spot to eat lunch was not exactly by the library as Minseok had said, but rather in the library itself. It was a separate room— a study room more or like— with glass walls covered with white drapes to detract attention of the individuals within the enclosed space. Having a friend who worked as the librarian’s assistant since freshman year and a friend who was one of the school’s representatives and the school president absolutely had its perks; including Soojung, who was a walking campus map, knowing each and every secret corner of the campus. The five study rooms were only available during finals and after-school hours, but Soojung had an advantage of having keys that were accessible for everything in the school (aside from teacher’s offices). No one but the librarian knew of their hang-out spot at lunch. 

 

“About that…” Minseok moved to sip on his apple juice in exaggeration. Soojung rolled his eyes.

 

“Stop delaying. Did you go out with a secret boyfriend or something?” 

 

Minseok’s hiccup interrupted what Soojung had planned to say next, followed by a loud cough, and proceeded into a process of choking on absolutely nothing. Junyoung patted Minseok harshly on his back, eyes still on his Nintendo but ears listening in. Soojung stared at him as if he just burnt his entire field of year-long crops, abolished his farm animals, and called him censored words as the last flower of the season died.

 

“You have a secret‒”

 

Minseok slapped his hand on Soojung’s still moving mouth, muffles and saliva going on his palm. 

 

“Bold of you to assume I have a boyfriend when all I hang out with is you two,” Minseok wiped his hand on Soojung’s blazer in disgust.

 

“Also, you guys know I will never ditch you guys over a crush,” He sulked, swirling his tiny spoon in a cup of yogurt. 

 

“I know it, and I love and support you for that,” Soojung assured while Junyoung chipped in with, “Word,”

 

“But I even got you soup from that restaurant you like across from our school, and you had the audacity to not even reply to my messages,” Soojung pinched Minseok’s ear as Minseok squirmed away from his hold. Junyoung echoed after him in the background, “He even got you soup!”

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just— I was with this guy and he’s not really open to anyone but yesterday was the first time he was actually talking to me and I got distracted and he taught me how to ride a skateboard but then we fell‒”

 

“Wait, wait, slow down,” Soojung smacked his shoulder. 

 

“So it was a secret boyfriend!”

 

“Woosu,” Junyoung glanced up from his game, the sounds resonating the narration of “Game Over”. 

 

“You have one to two business days to give me back my game consoles. I do not condone this type of relationship-over-friendship betrayal. See you in court, bitch,” 

 

Junyoung slammed his palm on the table twice to mimic the sound of a judge’s gavel, prompting to end the presented case. 

 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Minseok whined, grabbing onto both Junyoung and Soojung’s hands. He swung them around on the table to bring attention back to him. 

 

“Okay, he isn’t your boyfriend,” Minseok nodded at Soojung’s confirmation, peering up at him. “He’s your crush,”

 

“No!”

 

“Wait‒ so you ditched that day?” Junyoung sighed, pointing his game console at Minseok accusingly. “And you didn’t think to invite me? Do you know how boring history was without you?”

 

Soojung cleared his throat. “As your school president, I shouldn’t encourage ditching. However, as your overly stressed friend, I didn’t think you had it in you to ditch in the first place. Voluntarily,”

 

“I didn’t even ditch on purpose,” Minseok whined. “Anyways, he is not my crush. I’m trying to befriend him,”

 

“By ditching class with him?”

 

“When you put it that way…” Minseok laid his head on the table with both his arms flat out, body deflated. “...yeah…”

 

“Okay… so where is he now?” Junyoung ripped open his bag of chips with his mouth, hands still holding onto his device. He let a hand slip out and smack Soojung’s sneaking hand, attempting to steal a piece. 

 

“Oh, uh,” Minseok paused. It wasn’t his business to tell them exactly what happened; he wasn’t sure if Hyunjun would be comfortable with that. “He wasn’t feeling well, so…”

 

“Ah. Cool,” Junyoung resumed his game after Soojung dropped a portion of rice onto his tray in exchange for a few selective chips. “Next time he comes around, ask him if he thinks Kirby is the superior character in Super Smash Bros,” 

 

“Oh, please, we all know Samus is the OP one,” Soojung uttered, putting more rice onto Junyoung’s tray. 

 

“Can Samus suck up characters and steal their powers? I don’t think so,” 

 

The two bantered over the skillsets of their proclaimed superior characters in the video game; Soojung’s argument being that Samus can blast any character into the void of space while Junyoung argued Kirby has the ability to leap three times before falling, which is essentially a power move if Samus does blast him into space. This was usually how the three friends’ lunch time passed— complaining over video games, retelling something entertaining, talking about new releases from their favorite artists, and teasing each other’s horrible haircuts. It was something Minseok wished Hyunjun could experience. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. Maybe next time?”  

 

Minseok is too nice to him, Hyunjun believes, that on any other occasion, Hyunjun would’ve questioned if he had other motives to befriend him. The kid has made it his personal mission to befriend him since the first day of school despite the many times Hyunjun made it clear he had no intentions to be associated with him in any way. 

 

At first, Hyunjun found the kid dumb and irritating; willing to put the both of them in trouble by exposing him while he was trying to ditch and how oblivious his judgements were. If someone were to not put any efforts into talking with you, surely you would be in your right mind to leave the person alone— but that wasn’t the case with Minseok. 

 

The boy persisted, shoving his head in Hyunjun’s business whether he was napping outside by the art building, sleeping in detention, or listening to music in class. He never stopped integrating Hyunjun into his life, carving out an extra space just for Hyunjun to fit. But for such a dense person, he never pushed boundaries— aware of the right things to say in the given situation and giving Hyunjun a choice to back off. It seemed as if he truly understood where Hyunjun was coming from, having been in the situation before. He talked not to fill in the awkward silence, which is what most people would do, but he talked to entertain Hyunjun, even if the red head never reciprocated. He talked to Hyunjun like he was someone he’s known for years. Listening to him became an expected comfort, and that puzzled Hyunjun.

 

Ever since the breach of the incident years ago, he never thought listening to someone talk to him would give him comfort. Maybe it was the fact that Minseok never talked about him but talked to him. It unnerved a part inside Hyunjun, who waited in the shallows for Minseok to drop his act of kindness; who tensed up in a fight or flight mode whenever the boy approached. It scared him to think that he was beginning to trust the boy. 

 

With the tube of somewhat melting yogurt in his hands, he ducked his head and moved to his secret spot on the rooftop through the hidden stairs in the janitor’s closet. Hyunjun may not have access keys like the school’s president, but he was crafty in unlocking things not meant to be unlocked. The rooftop was clear in the day’s eyes, but not everyone knew where the entrance and exit began because who would think to check the janitor’s closet in hopes for a set of stairs? 

 

Finding this place took a while; Hyunjun initially sat by the art building bleachers his first week in school, but staying long hours after the majority of students had already left campus allowed him more time to search for the rooftop’s access. And that he did, unlocking the janitor’s storage closet with two bobby pins he kept on his body at all times— for the purpose of breaking in and sometimes for his bangs at work. The closet was nothing unexpected, filled with cleaning materials and irritable dust. But behind the boots and the buckets and mops was an extra door. 

 

Hyunjun ripped a piece of leftover croissant he took at the end of his shift, stored in a tiny bag found at grocery markets, and stuffed it in his mouth. That was all he really had for lunch— a piece of bread, a rice ball he made at home, water, and occasionally candy and chips. He found eating a fulfilling meal at home was more satisfying than on school grounds that smelled of ash and urine. The smell of the rooftop grounds was better though, not having been stomped on by hundreds of school kids. It was quiet too by the corner Hyunjun tucked himself in between the electrical wires room and long, uncut grass. 

 

He laid back after finishing chewing, arms crossed over his head, legs propped up with one leg over his knee, earbuds in, and he closed his eyes. He thought about the skating park; he thought about the milk carton; he thought about the weight landing on every inch of his body after skateboarding; he thought about the band-aid still on his arms; he thought about the walk to the ice cream shop; he thought about the curly head moving with the wind; he thought about the little boy who fell out of a bouncy house; he thought about Minseok. His stray curly hair that always finds itself sticking to his eyebrows; his eyes that turn to stars whenever he looks at Hyunjun; how his laughter never seems to wear out; and his smile that irritates yet eases Hyunjun. Minseok, Minseok, Minseok . 

Minseok headed out of the library at exactly four in the afternoon, staying behind to what he would like to think of as productive studying when in reality he spent two of those hours playing Mario Kart with Junyoung on his switch. The sky was already a deep orange, streaking a blushing red behind the mountains that waved in greeting. After an exchange of Junyoung’s declination of hanging out at Minseok’s house with the excuse of having to make dinner for his younger siblings, Minseok found himself walking in the same path he and Hyunjun took earlier in the morning. 

 

Few cars passed in the small streets, quickly disappearing just as they appeared around the corner. The pedestrian crossing lights seemed to be in favor of Minseok today, flashing the white image of a stick figure automatically after Minseok pressed on its button. The soup and dumpling shop were not yet anywhere near closing time; the bookstore right next to it dividing the road into another lane seemed bare of people; and liquor stores yielded the usual silence. 

 

Minseok could use a cup of hot chocolate to cheer himself up from the inevitable studying he would have to catch up on later. Having ditched for one day, conveniently homework from all of his classes were assigned to be due within the span of two days, so he set foot into the cafe hoping to be relieved of the impending stress. 

 

The shop’s interior was recently changed from vanilla walls decorated in questionable illustrations that were more mystical visuals than high quality abstract work; the black, thin metal tables and seats that always scraped the tiles loudly were long gone; and the counter front became minimalistic to visually please the customers. Now, the designs shifted to black walls with a giant illustration of city buildings on the left by the large windows and quotations from romance films on the right. New white floorboards were produced in exchange for the old hard tiles children never liked, and the menus out front were chalkboards. But the warm atmosphere was still the same and their heavenly recipes the same. The shop was renowned for its heavy coffees and adorable displayed desserts, but what Minseok came for was the hot chocolate served in the kids’ section of the menu. 

 

Their hot chocolate was unlike any other— it best beat Soojung’s homemade hot chocolate and that took guts for Minseok to admit so. The drink was simply indescribable with words to accurately represent its taste; from the rich cream and silken milk to the chocolate that soaked all five senses with softness. And, of course, their iconic animal design in the foam on top sprinkled with powdered chocolate. 

 

With the morning rush long gone, there were a few customers scattered here and there; all mainly students hanging out after school with friends. There were few staff working in the late afternoon shifts as well; ones he recognized were in the kitchen and one new face working in the front cashier, sporting a black apron with the same hoop earrings. 

 

“Hyunjun!” Minseok approached the front cashier. “I didn’t know you worked here,”

 

The red head looked up in confusion— he was watching an episode on his phone behind the registry machine— before he relaxed upon seeing Minseok. 

 

“Ah, Woosu,” He withdrew his phone and slid it into his back pocket. He looked up at the menu before glancing back at Minseok, raising his eyebrows as if to question what the boy wanted to order. 

 

“A hot chocolate, please,” 

 

A hot chocolate at this hour? The red head hid his amused smile. 

 

“Small, medium, or large?”

 

“Medium please,” He paused, sounding out a small “oh” before he handed the exact amount of money. “Also, a bear on the foam please,”

 

A bear. How fitting. 

 

Minseok sat by his usual seat in the corner adjacent to the large windows, propping his blazer behind his chair, and got settled with studying materials. He scattered opened textbooks, highlighters, gel pens, wrinkled notebooks into their neat available spaces on the table and turned off his phone against the wall to avoid distractions. His choco was served as soft piano melodies played in his earbud— the final touch to his studying process; a beverage that will keep his taste buds active and music to deteriorate the prolonging exhaustion from continuously writing and understanding the text materials. The sun dipped into the yolk center and customers headed in and out.

“Wahh,” He arched his back in an attempt to stretch the ache in his tailbone, stretching out his arms. Every bone in his body seemed to crack in agony. 

 

“Ten out of ten would never recommend that again,” He slammed his textbook shut and blinked his eyes as his body responsively let out an automatic yawn, well worn out from his studying session. 

 

The only customers that were currently seated were three individuals, who were also all worn out from their work, and him. He peered up at the window to his right and startled at the darkness that had befallen onto the yolk sun. He had forgotten daylight savings began today— he never stayed out in the dark before for personal reasons that concluded to one thing: his fear of the darkness itself, which is why he hurriedly packed up his belongings and left the door. But his feet only carried him as far as a couple of steps toward the only lightsource outside the cafe— a poor street light that constantly flickered— before he paused and dialed Soojung’s number.

 

Please pick up, please pick up. He squirmed in place, head constantly turning behind him to check his surroundings. 

 

“The number you have dialed is currently not available‒”

 

Minseok hung up and craned his head high at the light flickering. The streets were deathly silent, although it hadn’t hit night time yet, and that only unnerved him even further. Standing near the edge of the road in the dark under a singular casting street light without a single presence besides for the warm cafe behind was not the ideal day for Minseok, whose feet seemed paralyzed to the concrete. Initially, he had hoped Soojung would be able to pick him up, as only his friends knew of his fear, but seeing as the plan had not gone as he’d like his only hope was Hyunjun back at the cafe. He turned around and watched Hyunjun clean up the tables and push his cart full of dirty dishes and cups to the kitchen. 

 

A part of him wanted to go back to the cafe until he eventually was kicked out due to closing time and the other hesitated, thinking about how awkward it was to re-enter a place he had just left. He sent a text to Soojung, something along the lines of “I’m a dummy and forgot it was daylight savings so now I’m stuck in the dark,” before he stuffed both hands into his pockets. But the darkness and road silence did nothing to soothe his anxieties, so he quickly detached his hands from the warm pockets and left his phone screen brightly on as a mere caution to any stranger who had malicious thoughts of attacking him. He glanced at the road, on his left and right, and back at the cafe again. Hyunjun was now sweeping up the floors.

 

Hyunjun quickly wiped down the counter tables and detangled his black apron as the co-workers in the back kitchen bidded him a good night, left to stay for the rest of the night shift. He packed his belongings, unbothered to properly wear his jacket as the weather outside didn’t seem to be as cold as he had expected, and left the building. 

 

The first thing he noticed was that the full moon was brightly shining today, visible in its beauty to all eyes of the universe. The second thing was the silhouette figure of a person standing underneath the only street light on the road. The person appeared to have a strapped bag on his back and his bright phone clutched in his left hand while the other clung to his backpack strap, and he was shivering‒

 

Woosu.  

 

The leaf Hyunjun unawaringly stepped on sounded out a loud crunch, startling Minseok out of his thoughts. His toes and shoulders shot up and he hastily turned around in fright; his wide eyes landed on Hyunjun, who stared back in confusion. 

 

“Ah, Hyunjun, don’t scare me like that,” The boy fidgeted in his designated spot, somewhat waddling as he fully turned towards Hyunjun.

 

“...Are you waiting for someone?” Hyunjun tilted his head.

 

“Uh…” He scratched behind his neck. “Sort of? Not really? Well, I am waiting for someone but not specifically anyone‒ it’s the darkness. I can’t continue on in the darkness,” He held his palm up as a gesture to point to the dark skies and silhouettes of buildings and neighborhoods. 

 

Hyunjun’s eyes landed on the moon, who seemed to be awaiting the company of her star friends, and glanced back at Minseok.

 

“Are you saying you need a ride?”

 

Minseok blinked once. Twice. Three times then continued to rapidly flutter his eyelashes before his mind caught up to what was just said.

 

“W-what? N-no, that’s not what I’m saying‒” He was stuttering over his words and Hyunjun took the chance to interrupt his exclamations. No one was blind enough to not be able to see his fear of the dark. 

 

“Come on, I’ll drive you,” Hyunjun began walking to the small parking lot, which was behind the cafe itself, without looking back to see whether Minseok was following him or not. 

 

The curly head hesitated in his steps, but his fear of being left abandoned in the dark overpowered his initial hesitation and his feet carried him to Hyunjun’s fading distance. He stepped on his own toes following Hyunjun to his black, parked car.

 

It was a small size— enough to fit three to four people at best— and several black and white stickers decorated the driver’s and passenger’s side. They both climbed in and the radio spazzed to life, blasting a rock band Minseok has never heard of, the moment Hyunjun twisted his keys. The car owner lowered the volume.

 

“Where to?”

 

“Um. It’s by the neighborhoods over there,” Minseok pointed. 

 

He drove along in silence aside from the occasional “Turn right here,” or a “Pass this stop sign,” with the radio lowered enough to still be able to listen to the song but not enough to override Minseok’s verbal directions. 

 

They reached a small neighborhood that was nearly as dead as the road by the cafe, scampering wild rabbits hopping away from the front lights of the automobile and houses with windows covered. He parked in front of Minseok’s house and the two awkwardly glanced at each other. Minseok was the first to break the silence.

 

“Thank you so much for the ride. I‒ ah‒ I can bring you some rice balls tomorrow for lunch if you’d like? As a way to make it up to you,” Minseok said, getting out of the car and hunching over the window. 

 

“Oh. It’s okay,” Hyunjun responded, not quite sure what he should do now. Does he wave goodbye? Should he leave right now or should he stay back a little longer? 

 

“Consider this a thank you. I’ll pack you some tomorrow‒” Minseok paused mid-sentence, patting his front pockets then his rear pockets. He frantically dug through his bag as he let out a string of indistinguishable curses jumbled together.

 

Hyunjun stared at Minseok all the while he did this. He furrowed his eyebrows even further.

 

Minseok heaved out a sigh, mentally cursing himself out for his idiocy today of having forgotten his keys, which was most likely sitting on his bedside table or tossed somewhere on his bed or beanbag. No one was at home; his mother had messaged him earlier in class that she’ll be out late due to her change of shift hours and reminded him to lock up all the doors and windows. 

 

Great. Now he was locked out of his own home. 

 

He turned to face Hyunjun and offered a small smile. 

 

“Thank you for the ride; I hope this wasn’t as much of a bothersome task. Drive home safely!”

 

Hyunjun watched the kid walk down his driveway and waited a beat second to see what he would do. The kid planted himself on the front porch step, waving a goodbye at Hyunjun with his lit-up phone like a flashlight. 

 

“You forgot your keys, didn’t you?”

 

The boy stilled his actions, slowly lowering his hand in embarrassment. He was bashful now but his small smile was still directed at the driver.

 

“Yeah, but it’s okay. I think my mom will come home soon,” 

 

That was a lie. The latest his mother had ever been home was four in the morning, and her later hour shifts usually ended at two— one in the morning if she was lucky. 

 

Hyunjun pondered over Minseok’s response and before he could even think it through, his brain-to-mouth filter situated itself into the conversation. 

 

“You can stay at my place,” 

 

Where did that come from? Hyunjun knows how to unlock locked doors— he’s done it many times on school grounds around areas with no surveillance cameras— so he can just as easily unlock Minseok’s door for him, and they can both respectively go back to their homes. Why did he have to offer his place for this kid?  

 

“Ah... thanks for the offer but I can’t take up on it‒ I don’t want to be a bother,”

 

“Get in,” Hyunjun clenched the steering wheel, thinking about what he had just offered. He cursed at himself. What was going on with him today?

 

“I‒ okay,” Minseok slowly opened the passenger’s side and seated himself, hands on his lap and arms loosely wrapped around his bag. He kept his gaze at the dashboard, fiddling his fingers, meanwhile Hyunjun looked everywhere but at him before slowly pulling out into the road where they came from. 

They arrived at a house that looked too small to be a two-story house but it, in fact, was one. The exterior walls were chipped of grey paint, revealing the old red layer underneath, and the upstairs floor was the same except more freshly painted. A tiny square ratio of a garden was planted on the right side, half dead and dried up, with thorn stems and chrysanthemum flower bushes. An uneven pathway led to the front entrance of the house, which was situated further inside. 

 

Hyunjun unlocked the door, swinging it shut behind him as a habit, but Minseok caught it in time to avoid it nearly crashing into his face. The two toed off their shoes; Minseok bent down to place them neatly into the corner and trailed after Hyunjun, who flicked on the lights in the narrow hallway and flung his bag onto the high stool in the interconnected kitchen with the living room. Time had hit six in the late afternoon as Hyunjun raided through the fridge. 

 

He threw a pack of baloney, a loaf of bread, placed two eggs onto the counter, and glanced over at Minseok standing awkwardly by the open doorway. 

 

“You hungry?” The eggs were cracked first into the pan heated up with cooking oil, sizzling with pepper shaken onto the yolk. 

 

“No,” Minseok’s stomach growl betrayed his response immediately after. 

 

The two worked in silence after Minseok was assigned to watch over the two slices of bread toasting while Hyunjun cooked the omelettes and reused the same oil for the slices of baloney. Hyunjun plated the individual toasts on two separate plates after it popped out of the toaster— startling Minseok so bad he bumped his head onto the cabinet— and stacked baloney and the omelette on top, and drizzled a light amount of chicken powder over. He handed one plate to Minseok, and went upstairs, fully knowing the kid would trail after him like a lost puppy.

 

Upstairs, Minseok took notice of four sets of doors and expected Hyunjun to pad into one of them, but instead he led the way up another short set of narrow stairs hidden in the corner, not meant to be used other than for storage, and opened a single door reserved for the space. Inside was a small room with ceilings that curved inwards, having to slouch their bodies in certain areas in the room but otherwise was oddly comfortable. Looking around the room gave Minseok an even deeper understanding of Hyunjun. 

 

The ceilings had two ports of light that were surrounded by a vast of glowing stars, all ranging in sizes and colors, and wall decals of planets that were peeling off. A singular twin bed was set against the wall with a wide window just above; on the sill sat a jar of guitar picks and a polaroid camera propped up. A wooden wardrobe was placed on the far corner along with clothes piling outside of the laundry basket tucked beside it. Every inch of the walls were covered in vintage movie posters, printed photos, and band posters. But what caught Minseok’s eyes was the red electric guitar languidly leaning against the boost stereos with a couple of journals on top and an acoustic by it. 

 

Hyunjun sat cross-legged with his back pressed against his pillows, backpack temporarily abandoned on the floor, and patted at the spot in front of him. Minseok sat with one leg over the edge of the bed. The two ate in relative silence; Hyunjun’s eyes never strayed further than his bed and Minseok’s eyes wandered to every corner of the room. 

 

It’s been a long time since Minseok has been over a house that didn’t belong to Soojung or Junyoung— the last time was in the second grade when he was paired to work on a project with a classmate, who was more than willing to let Minseok do all of the hard work. Being in Hyunjun’s house made him feel awkward, as if he was overstepping a boundary, especially since it wasn’t a properly planned sleepover with Hyunjun— the guy who’s only hung out with him once if you exclude their detention. All occasions between them were involuntary. But this is different because Hyunjun offered him, right? He could’ve just left it as is, accepted Minseok’s words, and drove back home. But he asked him if he wanted to stay. Minseok saw it as a step in progress to their friendship. 

 

Just as Minseok was about to ask if Hyunjun plays the guitar, Hyunjun gathered their empty plates and paused by the door. 

 

“Um, I don’t know if you want to wash up or not but the shower’s down the hall to the left,” He gestured vaguely at the direction with the hand holding the stacked plates. “The extra toothbrush is in the top right cabinet,” 

 

He goes downstairs to put the dishes away, leaving Minseok alone. He shoots a quick text to his mother along the lines of “Staying at a friend’s house,” and replied to messages in his group chat. 

 

< GC: lemonade mouth >

 

junyoung T^T

got chased by a goose in my own home it was like a one minute horror movie trailer

 

<3 jihoo <3

??? How tf

 

junyoung T^T

it flew in

 

<3 jihoo <3

Geese can fly?

 

junyoung T^T

dunno but this one def did

 

<3 jihoo <3

OMG Woosu did you call me? I was in the shower ;—;

 

me

its ok im fine now dw !!

 

junyoung T^T

baBY you know that i Miss.You i wanna get wit you.but tonite i cannot baby girl and thats the issue 

 

junyoung T^T

ok but fr whats up O~O

 

<3 jihoo <3 

Soulja Boy, leave <3

 

me

it ok i was just scared of the dark for an itty bit but im fine now

 

junyoung T^T

oo i see ,, good 2 hear

 

junyoung T^T

jihoo u will never be as good as soulja boy i tol’ them

 

<3 jihoo <3

Good because I’m planning to be as iconic as Celine Dion <3

 

Minseok pocketed his phone the moment Hyunjun arrived, heading straight to his wardrobe which consisted of all black outfits aside from the few colored clothing. He glanced back at Minseok then picked a Star Wars short sleeve and a pair of sweatpants. He handed them to Minseok, making contact with Minseok’s ear instead.

 

“Since you might not want to sleep in your uniform…”

 

Minseok smiled, dunked his head to thank Hyunjun, and accepted the outfit as he headed to the bathroom he was directed to. It was a tiny room too; black granite floor countered against white walls, sinks, and light wooden cabinets. He took the extra ten minutes having difficulty setting the amount of coldness and hot water that showered down the faucet, squeezing himself into the corner when the water was too cold and nearly slipping on the bar of soap he dropped while manhandling the switches. But he managed, giggling at the ridiculous amount of coconut soap Hyunjun had in the shower rack. 

 

No wonder he smells so nice.

 

After drying his body as best as possible, he waddled towards Hyunjun’s room, curls dripping down his forehead and onto the towel covering his head, where he found the red head spreading out a duvet on the ground beside his bed. 

 

“Hyunjun, can I use your hair dryer?” 

 

Hyunjun paused at flinging pillows down onto the ground from his bed, staring at Minseok in his loose tee and the sweatpants he lended him. His round eyes peered out from his damp curls, conveying the image of a puppy who was separated from its owner in the rain. His breath leaped back into his throat from its previous inhaling, causing him to choke for a tiny bit. He couldn’t trust himself to form words, so he just nodded and went back to chucking whatever he needed for the night onto the ground. Minseok brightly grinned and skipped to the bathroom.

 

The second time he appeared in the room again looking like a fluffed up teddy bear, Hyunjun had already situated himself on the duvet on the ground with a thin, quilted blanket draped over his lap and strumming a few chords on his acoustic. He scribbled something onto his notebook on the ground and looked up at Minseok. The curly head took a moment to assess the situation.

 

“Wha‒ no, Hyunjun, you should take the bed. I’ll sleep on the ground!”

 

He sat on his legs, hands perched onto his lap in front of Hyunjun as if begging him to take the bed. Hyunjun was puzzled at his reaction. 

 

“I’ve slept on the floor before. It’s fine..?”

 

“But it’s your bed,” Minseok held onto Hyunjun’s free hand gently, allowing him to withdraw if he wanted, and tugged his arm towards the bed. Hyunjun snaked his hand out from the hold and gave a small shove to Minseok’s shoulder to push him slightly to the bed. 

 

“Good night,” Hyunjun set his guitar to its original position and scuffled under his blanket before Minseok could argue any further. He turned his back towards the boy and laid still for a few seconds before sitting up to switch out the lights, shuffling back to the duvet without glancing over at Minseok’s direction. 

 

Because the attic had only a single window located above the bed, the room was entirely pitch black aside from the glow-in-the-dark stars decorated onto the ceiling. The night sky washed over the silence, and moonlight peeked in to watch over the boys cascading its blue light. Hyunjun wasn’t used to sleeping in early— the clock had barely struck ten the last time he checked it when Minseok was in the shower— so he reshuffled uncomfortably but froze at the noises made when his clothes rubbed against the duvet. He moved slowly to resist making even more noise in the dead silence. 

 

After alternating his head’s position on his pillow for the fifth time, he finally settled down in satisfaction and held his phone ready to catch up on the episode he left off of. But then he heard a hitched inhale, like an upset child trying to repress his sniffles from his parents, and small panting; a hiccup, a small interruption to the silence. It sounded like panicked breathing. 

 

With the flip of a switch, he turned back to Minseok’s direction and found him curled up like a shrimp on his bed. On normal occasions, he would’ve found the sight endearing if not for the way Minseok looked like he was on the verge of tears. Hyunjun crouched down at eye level with Minseok, who peered his eyelids open at the presence of another. Minseok let out a weak laugh. 

 

“I was controlling my breathing. Sorry for bothering you…” 

 

Minseok’s eyes darted around in embarrassment, rapidly blinking to get rid of the tears. He didn’t say another word as he distracted himself with fluffing up the blanket and gently patting it down to tuck his legs back in. Hyunjun let out a small “hmm” and dragged the salt rock lamp sitting idly by his drawer, untangled the long wire, and left it leaning on the pillow by Minseok’s head. An orange warm enough to resemble the sparks of a campfire usurped the lamp, glowing in intensity. 

 

“You can have this by you as you sleep,” 

 

Hyunjun lifted the corner of the blanket and draped it slightly over the rock. He paused by his wall, finger resting on top of the light switch, and glanced back at Minseok to give him the okay to turn off the lights before settling back down onto the floor. 

 

The silence returned and the lamp ceasingly eased the small tensions carried by Minseok from his spiked panic from earlier, crawling up his neck and shoulders. Hyunjun watched his episodes with his screen dimmed as to not disturb his guest, headphones on, and Minseok let his fingers trail over the texture of the comfort object. Minute by minute, his eyelids fluttered heavily and a ghost of a smile lingered on his lips. 

 

Before he reached the age of being capable of remembering memories, he had always feared the darkness. His creativity and imagination ran like a mill; from the monsters that lived under his bed would snatch him by the foot with their sharp claws; the bony skeletons that tapped on his window and would try to force their way into his room; the creature that could only climb high ceilings and tilted its head at him from afar; to inanimate objects coming to life to attack him. Little Minseok never budged from his position on his mother’s bed, desperately clinging to his mother before the clock would strike midnight. He would fall asleep in his mother’s arms where he was looked over— where the monsters couldn’t touch a single strand of his hair— until the age of six when they moved houses. But the monsters were always the same, following him to the new house and to his new room except in different positions. They would appear in the dark corners, following his every move on the nights his mother had to hire a babysitter or have a relative take care of him for the day. 

 

Eventually, the monsters would go away with age and maturity and he no longer slept in his mother’s embrace because he was “too old” to not be sleeping in his own bed; but his intensive fear of the dark would always remain. Although he could no longer see the scary monsters that creeped on him, it didn’t make the pitch black night sky any less fearful. He could still feel their breaths on his nape, their gazes in his surroundings, their hands darting in places near his legs, and the suffocation from invisible forces. 

 

That’s why he decorated every corner of his room with fairy lights, stringing them high up on his walls and bed frames. He had night lights plugged into every outlet in his wall, and a flashlight in his drawer. And now in Hyunjun’s dark bedroom, his fight-or-flight mode was still very much alive, but it ceased the longer he stared at the glowing lamp under the covers and the longer Hyunjun’s phone glowed in his peripheral vision. His panic drifted, swooping under the rugs and out into the empty streets. His eyes shut one last time, his mouth parting a tiny bit. And he slept. 

Chapter 3: stay over

Summary:

Earlier in his last class of the day that he shared with Junyoung, his friend suddenly pressed his nose against his collar, took a big whiff, and groaned that he smelled of teen romance tropes written by Rainbow Rowell— given he was wearing Hyunjun’s jacket. 

“And you smell like gas leakage. Go home,”

“On second thought, you smell like Cassandra Clare’s instead,”

“You take that back,” 

The sun wasn’t in the best condition, having fallen sick on the night the moon was in charge of the sky. She was nowhere to be seen in the midst of dark clouds that mourned over her, nose dripping onto the pavements and dried up flowers in Hyunjun’s garden. Tears were getting heavier before the population could arise and droplets pelted onto the window, awakening Minseok who stirred in the sheets. He stretched in the clothes that fit perfectly on him and squirmed against bed sheets that did not belong to him. A yawn drew out from the bottom of his throat and he rolled over to look up at the window and his surroundings. 

 

Hyunjun was still fast asleep, having rolled over in his sleep now facing Minseok’s direction with earphones dangling from his ears. He must’ve passed out watching his episode, Minseok thought. Minseok glanced at the phone tucked in his pant’s pocket. It read five in the morning. 

 

He was the usual early bird of his family ever since he was a child, opting to play by himself for hours before his mother woke up and prepared breakfast. He didn’t mind that this time was no different, diligently washing up before he retreated into Hyunjun’s room. He quietly folded Hyunjun’s blanket, placing the pillows in their upright positions, and rechecked the time. 

 

Usually, he prepared himself a quick breakfast, which mainly consisted of fruits and a bowl of cereal, and packed his school lunch but he didn’t want to raid Hyunjun’s kitchen while he was still asleep; it seemed intrusive and out of boundaries for someone who is barely close with the red head. So he kneeled by Hyunjun’s resting form and swayed his shoulders lightly. 

 

“Hyunjun,” He gently tucked a hair strand behind Hyunjun’s ear like his mother used to do to wake him up when he was a kid. “Do you want breakfast?”

 

The sleeping boy scrunched his nose in dissatisfaction at having been woken up, head unconsciously seeking after Minseok’s touch. His head flopped down onto the pillow, curling further into his duvet like a cat. 

 

“Come on, I’ll make you breakfast,” 

 

He dragged Hyunjun into a sitting position by grasping onto his wrist. Hyunjun groaned, hair sticking upwards, and he squinted up at Minseok in blank confusion. Minseok chuckled at the sight and heaved his body up, supporting the nearly knocked out boy by holding onto his elbows like Hyunjun did with him at the skate park. Hyunjun leaned forward, knees almost giving out, and stumbled over his two feet as Minseok tried to balance him. It reminded Minseok of the scene in Big Hero 6 when Hiro was supporting a drunk Baymax. 

 

“You big baby,” Minseok dragged Hyunjun downstairs, holding onto his hands that were covered in his long sleeves and fully taking advantage of the fact that Hyunjun was letting him. Hyunjun’s mind took its time to process everything, not quite hitting his central brain that dealt with emotions for him to react to the situation.

 

He led him into the kitchen, opened the first cabinet he saw, which was luckily what he was looking for, and grabbed two bowls for him and Hyunjun while Hyunjun fetched the utensils. 

 

“Cheerios or Lucky Charms?” 

 

“Marshmallows,” Hyunjun mumbled, grabbing the box himself and pouring it into both bowls without asking if Minseok wanted the other option. The two stood side by side against the counter with Minseok grabbing milk from the fridge and pouring it into Hyunjun’s bowl first. Hyunjun simply held onto his bowl and stared at the floating cereal, mind as blank as a goldfish. 

 

They ate in silence, backs pressed against the counter as the kitchen was too small to fit a dining table. Minseok bathed in the cool air, water droplets tapping onto the windows to get ahold of his attention, and crossed his bare legs adorned in sweatpants that exposed a bit of his ankles. He glanced over at Hyunjun, who paid no attention to him other than the frown on his face over the fact he was awoken only for cereal. Minseok nudged his legs with his toe and laughed when Hyunjun shot him an annoyed glance. 

 

“You’re up early‒”

 

A woman presumably in his forties paused in the open entrance, one hand buttoning up the sheer white sleeve on her wrist, and gawked at her son and a new face in the kitchen. She appeared as if she was about to head out before hearing the noises in the kitchen. 

 

“...Oh? Is this your friend?” Her shocked expression tells it all, genuinely surprised at seeing a friend of Hyunjun’s along with her son being awake at five in the first place. She scanned him up and down to see that he was wearing Hyunjun’s clothes.

 

“H-hello,” Minseok bowed and awkwardly smiled at her. “I’m Minseok. I hope you don’t mind me staying over,” 

 

“Ah, it’s about time I see a new face around here,” Her eyes softened at Minseok’s politeness and she looked over at Hyunjun. The two shared a look that Minseok felt had a story behind it, but it wasn’t his business to ask, so he quickly finished his cereal and tugged on Hyunjun’s hand so they could get ready for school. Hyunjun’s mother gathered her coat hung on the coat rack out front and bidded goodbye as the two went upstairs. 

 

Hyunjun knew what his mother wanted to ask, but was reluctant to in front of a guest. He knew it’s been a while since he had a friend over— not since he broke down at his previous school— and he knows it’s frustrating to leave her in the dark of things, but he didn’t wish to have certain events in his life made to awareness. Seeing his mother’s expression when she paused at the archway and looked over to him with the softened eyes dampened his mood just like the water droplets outside tapping on the window panes, so he yanked the curtains shut on his way out. 

 

They both got dressed— Minseok offering Hyunjun his tie since Hyunjun couldn’t find his— and headed downstairs to the downhearted rain, overpouring onto the cement like bullets in a battlefield. They shared one umbrella that Hyunjun found in his mother’s closet and got to Hyunjun’s parked car where he drove to school, breaching the time by a mere minute before the gates closed. Minseok giggled like a fool when Hyunjun let out a startled noise at having stepped in a deep puddle of rain, and kicked at the descending water on the sidewalk uncaring if he got wet. The classrooms were warm enough to evaporate all the wet spots on his pants and shoes anyway. 

 

First half of the hour passed when their teacher introduced project pairings for their upcoming assignment worth half their grade and Minseok flung himself at Hyunjun, who grunted at the boy back hugging him. Their female classmates who chewed on gum and twirled their hair in boredom glanced oddly at the two, wondering when they got so close. 

 

The project consisted of two prompts regarding their class books, Orwell’s 1984 and Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale , which they had to finish in their individual time after Shakespeare’s Hamlet . The first prompt was to discuss how the novels would differ if roles were reversed— having men be the oppressed in Atwood’s universe and how Wilson’s perspective would change if written by a woman in Orwell’s. The second prompt was a compare-and-contrast, such as the violent loyalty of citizens and how women were the inferior beings. The project requirements were presentation slides answering the chosen prompt and a demonstration of creativity: drawing, video editing, etc. 

 

Minseok and Hyunjun decided to work with the first prompt, seeing as many classmates clambered over the second one, figuring they would be better graded if their information wasn’t being repeated by twenty other students. Minseok offered his house or the school library as their meeting spots, seeing as he had stepped foot into Hyunjun’s house it was only fair for the red head to see his room. 

 

The lunch bell rang when Minseok was discussing how The Handmaid’s Tale won’t be as effective if men were the ones being oppressed since Hyunjun never finished either book, so Minseok held his hand and dragged him to the cafeteria. Hyunjun ripped his hand from Minseok’s hold when they entered the hallways, but Minseok didn’t question it. He picked up two cups of yogurt, grabbed an apple, and exited the cafeteria just as quickly sensing how uncomfortable Hyunjun was in crowds. 

 

“Quick, hide this under your shirt,”

 

“My what?” 

 

Minseok grabbed Hyunjun’s blazer and stuffed a cup of yogurt on the inside, walking confidently into the library under the sign that said “No food!”. He made his way to one of the study rooms located further inside with Hyunjun behind his tail, and threw an apple to one of the two boys sitting. The other said, “What happened to your tie?” before going silent as they noticed Hyunjun. 

 

“Boys, this is Hyunjun. Hyunjun, the boys,” Minseok gestured at the two and sat in the empty seat next to Soojung. Soojung’s expression lifted and he turned to Minseok dramatically, a smirk unveiling itself onto his face, and he went, “Oh? Hyunjun?” Before he could do any more damage to the conversation— Minseok could see him preparing an exaggerated wink— Junyoung slapped a slice of bread onto Soojung’s face to silence him. 

 

“Kirby or Samus?” Junyoung asked in lieu of greeting.

 

“What?” 

 

“Which of the two do you think is the superior character in Super Smash Bros?”

 

“Don’t bring him into this, Junyoung,” Minseok sighed, patting the seat next to him and offering Hyunjun a tired smile. “We all know it’s Princess Peach anyways,”

 

“Fuck Princess Peach lives. It’s all Rosalina now,” Junyoung bit into his apple with one hand. “Anyways, Kirby or Samus?”

 

Soojung looked over to a muddled Hyunjun, practically begging him to choose Samus with his attempt at puppy eyes. He just looked constipated. 

 

“Uh… Link?” 

 

Soojung looked about ready to flip the table over at the prospect of no one choosing Samus while Junyoung looked content with his answer.

 

“Okay, valid. It matters now though…” Junyoung leaned forward and his voice dipped. 

 

“Baby Link or Adult Link?”

 

“Baby Link,” They both said in unison at the same time, causing Junyoung to let out a loud whoop as he stood from his chair with both arms raised. He reached over the table to give Hyunjun a high five; the latter hesitating at first. 

 

“I knew I could trust you,”

 

“You just met him,” Soojung deadpanned. 

 

“Okay, and? I’ve known you since middle school and I still don’t trust your taste,”

 

Soojung sprung from his chair to envelope Junyoung in a headlock, venting how Junyoung was so ungrateful to his senior and how he should’ve left him on the streets. Meanwhile, Minseok turned to look at Hyunjun, sucking on his spoon dipped in yogurt. 

 

“Welcome to the club,”

It was still pouring out; the clouds continuously crying over the sun, bedridden but unable to become warm. Street cats hid under cardboard and dumpsters in alleys, stores turned up their heat to replace the stray warmth from layers of clothing, and flowers bloomed under the immense watering. 

 

All Minseok had for warmth walking home in the rain was the giant black jacket Hyunjun lent him this morning, completely drenched from head to toe. He had chosen to stay back for tutoring hours because his math grade was turning out for the worst, even with the extra credit assignments that honestly did very little to raise his overall grade. 

 

Soojung had offered to give him a ride but he was loaded with responsibilities to plan out what club activities were appropriate for their annual school festival, so Minseok opted out of having to stay back a few extra hours on campus. As for Hyunjun, his shift at the cafe started exactly fifteen minutes after his last class so he couldn’t afford to wait for Minseok. So that was how he landed himself in the current situation, kicking puddles and wiping water on his face. He couldn’t tell which was the rain and which was his own runny nose.

 

Earlier in his last class of the day that he shared with Junyoung, his friend suddenly pressed his nose against his collar, took a big whiff, and groaned that he smelled of teen romance tropes written by Rainbow Rowell— given he was wearing Hyunjun’s jacket. 

 

“And you smell like gas leakage. Go home,”

 

“On second thought, you smell like Cassandra Clare’s instead,”

 

“You take that back,” 

 

Bathing in hot water immediately after being under the rain to avoid getting sick was what his mother had always reminded him as a child; so the minute Minseok reached home he stripped out of all his soaked clothes in the living room, transported the pile into the laundry basket— he put a reminder to return Hyunjun’s jacket— and dunked himself in water hot enough to scald his skin. But it seems he had been exposed to the rain for too long as he now continuously sneezed after his bath, wrapped in a burrito blanket while attempting to work on his practice problems with piano concertos playing in the background. Time prevailed and he found himself listening to Nyan Cat on loop as he copied answers from Slader. There was something about that theme song that fabricated a sense of panic in Minseok, rushing him to finish his task at hand. 

 

It was closing into a Friday night, tailgating away from the weekday everyone wanted to forget about, and neighbors opened their windows; some already starting on their karaoke home set. The two project partners had agreed to get a head start on their project, seeing as the due date was in a week. He texted Hyunjun his address, although he knew the boy already knows where he lives, and left it on vibrate. He turned the television on as background noise in the living room, bent over the small coffee table. 

 

Cleaning up his station and driving past the all-too familiar fire hydrants and rabbits ascending up the hills, the rain thunked on his windshield, fogging up the insides. A female jazz musician sang a notorious long note, extending her vocals but giving way to not exaggerate her words; each syllable curved inwards and her pronunciations dripped of class. The simplicity of the situation was Hyunjun driving to Minseok’s house upon his promise after his shift was over, but his anxieties were saying otherwise. It was a peculiar weight on his chest; his heart throbbed at the uncomfortable stone lodged in between his ribs. He didn’t like this familiar feeling one bit. 

 

A ghost of laughter took place in the very same passenger seat. The laughter started off very faint where one wouldn’t be able to tell they’re laughing in the first place without looking at them. A hitch of a breath, suffocating on its mass silence, and spiraled down the hill into a repeated motion. The same laughter rang in his ears as he, too, laughed along— finding the situation funny simply because of the other’s presence. A phantom hand shoved playfully at his shoulders, and a mouth that stretched into two small dimples moved; some incoherent mutterings with pauses in between of laughing, and legs that intertwined with his. It was a rainy day with the two of them stuck in Hyunjun’s car, heat turned all the way up and the radio was playing. But nothing could beat his laughter in Hyunjun’s eyes. It was the only tune he was able to hear in the small space despite how loud the radio was playing. Rain thumped on his windshield, just like the very same day when it was just the two of them in one sided love. 

 

Hyunjun twisted his keys and parked in the driveway. He sat for a while, taking deep breaths to shove his emotions boiling down into a safebox before he stepped out. He brought a hand up and knocked. Under the front porch light, he fidgeted with the bandage wrapped around his wrist— he accidentally burnt a bit of skin under his wrist earlier in the kitchen— to keep his mind off the phantom memories that threatened his sanity. There was no response to his knocks.

 

me

woosu? you home?

 

He could clearly see the lights were on through the thin drapes, but there were no silhouettes or noises inside to indicate a person was in the house. 

 

me

. im at the front door

 

me

kim minseok

 

He dialed three times before rapping his knuckles against the door, thumb pressing against the door knob. The door slowly pushed open due to the pressure of his hand.

 

“Woosu?”

 

The doorway wasn’t much— sturdy oak wood and half white trimmed walls; picture frames arranged in linear order; a thick vintage mat with embroidered dogs chasing bees; a small storage closet on his left; and a shoe rack against the wall by the large snake plant. He tapped the wet soles of his shoes against the mat and toed them off by the rack, hesitantly approaching the dimmed, white lights in the living room while looking around for any signs of the tall curly head. There was a lump in the shape of a curled up figure on the beige fabric coach, cat socks peeking out from the blanket covering the body. Worksheets of practice problems were scattered on the metallic coffee table and Minseok’s phone laid on the floor. 

 

He must’ve fallen asleep waiting for me , Hyunjun thought. 

 

He peeled off the mustard yellow blanket, not expecting the state of flushed cheeks warmer than it should be. 

 

Hyunjun pressed his hands against the boy’s shoulders to wake him up but thought against the idea— he should let Minseok sleep for a while as he catches up on the readings. So he opted to silently listen to a sped up audiobook, multitasking by skimming through Spark notes for the summarization of each chapter.

 

In between twenty to thirty minutes passing, the red head resorted to drawing out the hierarchical pyramid on the different rankings of the roles in both The Handmaid’s Tale and 1984 for their second portion of the project. Occasionally, he glanced over at his sleeping partner to see his current state. Minseok’s cheeks were more flushed than before— a slight resemblance to ripened peaches.

 

Hyunjun lightly tapped the pink cheeks with the back of his two fingers and retreated his arm when Minseok’s eyelids twitched and his lashes kissed his cheeks. 

 

“Oh, Hyunjun?” Minseok’s blanket fell off as he pulled himself in a sitting position, revealing the boy in clad shorts that looked too small on such long legs and an equally blue gingham patterned long sleeve. The back of his head was flat and he ran his fingers through his bangs, smiling drearily at his friend. 

 

“Sorry I fell asleep. I’m just tired a bit. When did you get here?”

 

Hyunjun faced forward, shading the long robes of the handmaids. 

 

“Just now,” he lied. He didn’t want to admit that he felt bad for having Minseok wait up for him.

 

Minseok moved a strand behind Hyunjun’s ears, not noticing how the red head tensed up. His eyes moved to the front door.

 

“Soojung did always say I have a bad habit of leaving the front door unlocked,” He unconsciously twisted a stray piece of hair near Hyunjun’s ear, fingers lightly sliding against the burning tips, before he shot up from the couch and headed to the kitchen.

 

“Oh, where are my manners? Do you want anything to eat?”

 

“...What do you have?” Hyunjun abandoned his sketching and followed Minseok to the kitchen. The latter pulled out a bag of dinosaur nuggets and popped open the oven underneath besides the cornered sink. He turned to Hyunjun from his crouch.

 

“Care for some nuggies?”

“And what I’m trying to say is that this book won’t be as effective if it were men who were the handmaids because child bearing and rearing has always been expected of women,”

 

“That’s what this book is about?”

 

“ Yes ,”

 

“And men believe they’re the oppressed ones,” Hyunjun huffed out a disbelieving breath. He fell back onto the bed, arm placing itself over his eyes. 

 

“Why do people take pleasure in reading books where women are stripped of their humanity as if reality isn’t enough for them?”

 

“Tell me about it,” Minseok smacked his lips and chewed on the dinosaur nugget, crumbs littering itself around the corners of his mouth. He placed the last nugget on the plate against Hyunjun’s lips. 

 

“Do you want me to type out the essay?”

 

“I don’t even need to finish the books to get the jist on how to answer this prompt,” Hyunjun said, shaking his head at the offer and bit into the nugget. 

 

The two had relocated to Minseok’s room to work on their project. Minseok’s room was small and entrapped in taupe brown wallpapers that matched with the oak flooring; his bed was one half of a bunk bed that was dismantled and filled to the edge with stuffed animals, which was very fitting of Minseok’s character. Everything in his room was neat— the alignment of his white drawers within close distance of his bed; his wooden hutch desk decorated in stationary items and fake philodendron plants and succulents, a pinboard that included pictures of Junyoung and Soojung along with bobble heads on the top; a light pink bean bag that had a picture of disney princesses on it underneath the wall mounted bookshelves full of manga and comic strips. Although the space was small, it didn’t feel suffocating unlike Hyunjun’s cramped room. It felt… freeing. A safe relief spot almost, like what blanket forts are to little children. 

 

Hyunjun typed out the essay on Minseok’s bed laying on his stomach, occasionally verbalizing what he was typing out to his partner, who spun on his chair at his hutch desk. Minseok was left to draw the rest of the details on the handmaids and other caricatures, mainly because he had trouble properly formulating his thoughts on the effectiveness of supposed male oppression in Atwood’s work— he was never one to be quite good with his words, left with a brain-to-mouth filter that had no brake. It was a curse really; which is why Soojung always did the talking for him whenever they went out anywhere. But typing the essay took longer than the time Minseok spent on attempting to draw anime figures in long robes, and finishing his dinner with Hyunjun made him a bit lazy to do anymore work. 

 

The red head was in the middle of explaining that hierarchical oppression throughout history still affects women— mainly women of color— to this day, thus having men be sex slaves in the novel wouldn’t have as much significance due to historical context, when he felt a body lay on his back and soft arms wrapping around his neck in an embrace. Curls tickled his jawline and the extra weight made him swallow nervously. 

 

“Woosu,”

 

“Hmm?” The boy laying on top of him hummed, eyes staring at the laptop screen in utter ignorance towards Hyunjun. 

 

“What are you doing?” Hyunjun stared at the blinking caret cursor after his last written words. The light from Minseok’s lamp behind them reflected Minseok curling into him. 

 

“I’m hugging you,”

 

“...Why?”

 

“Because I’m bored ,” Minseok said, stretching out the word “bored” to exaggerate. Hyunjun felt like he was talking to a clingy five year old child.

 

He opened his mouth to suggest Minseok draw some more, but halted when he felt the other’s chin press against his shoulder. He knew Minseok was one of the more affectionate friends, unhesitant to express his love physically; he had caught him casually sitting in Junyoung’s lap and hooking his arms around Soojung’s when the latter was talking about how cool Samus was during their forty minute lunch time. He would grab Soojung’s hand and Hyunjun’s when he got excited over the upcoming school festival; he would rest his head on Junyoung’s left shoulder to watch over his game. 

 

He knew that but he couldn’t help the squeezing ache in his chest and contracting stomach. His palms were getting sweaty by the minute, and he tried to pretend as if this nonchalant act didn’t affect him one bit, but he could feel his heart thumping against Minseok’s dinosaur bed sheets and his toes curling, pores shrinking in as if relenting against an explosion. He wanted to excuse himself to the bathroom but Minseok beat him to talking.

 

“Are you going to stay over?”

 

“What?” He twisted his head a bit to catch Minseok’s eyes. He was way too close to him.

 

“Are you going to sleep over? It’s almost seven right now,” He shifted again and dropped his elbows on the two sides of Hyunjun’s body. 

 

“Oh,” Hyunjun blinked and glanced at the time located in the lower right corner of the screen to confirm it. “Is it still raining?”

“Uh…” Minseok sat up to look back at his window. It was still pouring outside and the sky had turned dark, almost representing a frightening image because of the one flickering street light across the street. 

 

“...yeah. It’s still heavy,” Minseok laid back down again but this time he curled inwards and pressed his nose against Hyunjun’s shoulder blades before closing his eyes, seeking warmth. No amount of thick layers of blankets and coats draped over his body could come close to the warmth Minseok laying on top of him gave. It was the perfect soothing warmth for a chilly, rainy evening with lofi soundtracks ripping through the speakers in the background. Just then, Honne’s Warm On a Cold Night came on shuffle. 

 

“I guess I’ll stay over,” he mumbled in the quiet evening. 

 

“I have some pajamas if you want to wash up and change out,” Minseok murmured into his shoulder. His lips vibrated against the red head’s skin. 

 

“Okay,” He waited for Minseok to get off him so he could fetch a shower before anyone else could climb in and steal the hot water— Minseok’s mom wasn’t home yet— but the boy laid still, quiet breaths tingling his skin. Minseok looked about ready to pass out on Hyunjun, despite it still being early out, and appeared completely fine about that idea. Hyunjun didn’t desire sleeping on his front so he wiggled his behind to get Minseok to slide off. He heard him let out soft giggles. 

 

“Woosu, get off,” He wiggled more aggressively this time. The curly head didn’t budge. 

 

“But you’re so warm,” whined Minseok.

 

“You’re warmer than me. You’re like a human sized heat pack,” He rolled with a grunt, successfully getting Minseok off, and slid from the bed. He skidded across the fluffy rug underneath and opened the boy’s wardrobe. Every single one of the clothes hanging in there were all bright toned colors with the dullest being grey’s and tan beige— none consisted of even solid black material. As expected of Minseok, Hyunjun thought. 

 

He picked the grey long sleeves that were an extra large size and a pair of red shorts and headed to the shower to prepare for the night, messaging his mother that he was staying at a friend’s which he hasn’t done in a while. He came back to the rest of their study materials put away— Hyunjun’s bag was against Minseok’s by the feet of his study desk— and Minseok’s body pillow right in the center of his bed to divide their spaces; the boy had already changed into his sleepwear. He couldn’t get a few words of protest in before Minseok dragged him to bed and tucked both of them in, already dozing off the minute his head dipped into his pillow. His breaths rolled out evenly, slowly depuffing his pink cheeks, and his eyebrows twitched before settling still. He couldn’t bring himself to even turn off the lights, resorting to the red head having to cross the room to do so, and settling back again on the left side of the bed. 

 

Hyunjun couldn’t sleep a wink the entire night, turning and reshuffling carefully as to not awaken the sleeping boy. He turned on his phone for a while and read a few comics enough to tire himself out, eventually drifting to dreamland. His breaths rose in and out, eyes weighing as heavy as his heart, and he slept the most peacefully he’s ever slept in his whole life.

Notes:

expect more fluff in the next chapter :)

Chapter 4: sick night

Summary:

His eyes that, since day one in the same classroom that gazed upon him like he handed him the universe, were so unbelievably round— that was now peering up at him with an innocence short circuiting Hyunjun’s brain. Eyes that made him forget his surroundings and how the owner of it aligned into the center of the universe, like it made sense in the moment, intertwined with the stars. 

Waking up in another’s embrace was something Hyunjun hadn’t experienced since the age of seven when the night had poured as heavily as his mother’s tears, and she held him tightly against her chest. He remembered her tears, which she tried so hard to keep shut, sliding down her neck and dripping onto her clothes and lips pressing against his forehead as she silently cried against his body. He was nine when he learned of what broke his mother’s heart, but too young to fully comprehend and be of the support she needed. And he was seventeen when he felt someone holding him again in his sleep with arms wrapped around his waist. 

 

Their legs were entangled together— the body pillow between them had somehow been kicked off the bed in their sleep— and Hyunjun laid still, fearing to disrupt the silence. Minseok’s cheeks were glowing redder than yesterday and his body warmth was even more extraordinaire. Hyunjun frowned. This was not a natural warmth; it was too intensive as one should be.

 

He placed his hand on the boy’s forehead and withdrew. This idiot developed a fever.

 

Hyunjun made his moves to strip the blanket off Minseok because that boy didn’t need any more heat when he heard quiet footsteps in the corridor, approaching the bedroom. In panic, he shifted closer and dug his face in Minseok’s chest, yanking the blanket up to his head to hide his face to whoever was outside the door. The door opened with a creak, and he heard a small intake.

 

“Oh, did Junyoung stay the night?” the voice questioned. It must’ve been Minseok’s mother. 

 

He evened out his breathing to make it more believable that he was asleep and held on tighter to Minseok. A few seconds passed in silence aside from the plate left on the study desk from yesterday’s nuggets clattering— Minseok’s mother must’ve picked them up— and the door clicked shut, footsteps descending into the direction of the kitchen. Hyunjun waited in Minseok’s embrace in case his mother returned, but upon feeling the boy stir, he pushed himself up into a sitting position and scooted over to his side of the bed while pretending to be busy with detangling his hair. The boy blinked up at him, completely unaware of Hyunjun’s cuddle. 

 

“You hungry?” he asked, sitting up as well. Hyunjun picked up the body pillow and placed it where it originally was: between them. 

 

“Nah,”

 

Minseok checked the time on his phone.

 

“Want to go grocery shopping with me?”

 

Hyunjun turned to him, confusion clear in the quirk of his eyebrows and narrowed eyes.

 

“I do it every Saturday morning where it’s not as busy. It gives my mom time to sleep in,” 

 

Minseok picks himself up and shakes out his blanket, folding it until it lumps into the shape of a rolled omelette. He neatly organizes his pillows with Hyunjun helping out on his side. They both changed out of their clothes— Hyunjun insisted on staying in his sleepwear to which Minseok responded by flinging a shirt at him with an “At least change your shirt!”— and washed up together in the small space of the bathroom, standing hip by hip in front of the wide mirror brushing their teeth. Minseok pushed at his shoulders in a jokingly manner as he reached for his cup, giggling when Hyunjun reciprocated, and won’t stop smiling when they made eye contact in the mirror. 

 

This was the most sociable Hyunjun’s ever been in the mornings. He used to talk his mother’s ear off, back when she still wore a smile and walked him to school. He would skip while holding her hands, talking about what he ate at school yesterday; how he bruised himself on the playground and had to be sent to the nurse’s office; and why he came home in tears (because he accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk). But the day after his mother tired herself from crying while latched onto him, she was unresponsive to his morning blabberings. Being a kid that young, he caught on quickly and reduced his morning conversations, and instead saved them for his favorite art teacher during lunch time. 

 

Being with Minseok resurfaced old memories, and a part of Hyunjun feared that. How easily he let Minseok talk his ear off was the exact same as what he used to do with his mother— hell, he could even talk about why mint chocolate ice cream is great for an hour straight and Hyunjun would listen to him. Being with Minseok reminded him of when he wasn’t afraid. And he was exactly what Hyunjun was afraid of.

“Look at this teddy bear! He’s so big!” 

 

Although the morning was not exactly bitterly cold, Minseok walked to the grocery store wrapped in one of his thicker hoodies that was shoved all the way in his closet space. With cheeks that were constantly burning red and a sniffing nose, it was apparent that Minseok’s sickness had gotten worse on top of him bundled in clothes not fit for the current condition. Hyunjun had walked out in the red shorts he slept in and a white graphic tee with a pouting cat slapped in the center. He looked like a lifeguard ready to hit the beach and Minseok looked ready to hit the snow sleds. 

 

“How cute,” Hyunjun agreed, reaching out to feel the dark brown fur of the stuffed animal. 

 

“I’m gonna put him in the cart,”

 

“It costs thirty dollars,”

 

“I’m gonna put him in the cart,”

 

They walked to the aisle with chill vegetables, picking out some lettuce, green onions that were incredibly cheaper than the last visit, and some other appealing deals. Having done this for years, Minseok knew exactly what his mother would’ve bought and what deals she would reject in favor of another so Hyunjun left him to it, clearly not interested in vegetables. He pet the teddy bear sitting in the baby seat of the cart, pitching its ears and stretching its humongous head. 

 

“What do you want for lunch?”

 

“Hm?” Hyunjun walked backwards, facing Minseok as the curly head pushed the cart. 

 

“That is, if you are staying over again,” Minseok grinned, reaching out for a loaf of bread while passing by.

 

Hyunjun thought to himself for a little as they entered the canned goods aisle. Usually, he would decline food offers at another’s house, not wishing to be a burden, but his eyes met Minseok’s sniffling nose and his puffed out red cheeks as he bent over to grab a can of tomato soup and chicken bouillon. 

 

“Chicken noodle soup,”

 

Minseok glanced up, seemingly amused at his simple answer.

 

“Just that?”

 

“Yeah,”

 

“Campbell’s?”

 

“You think I fuck with Progresso?”

 

“You’re absolutely right,” Minseok grabbed a couple cans off the shelf. “No one fucks with Progresso,”

 

The two of them walked to the skincare aisle near the back where ice cream tubs and baby products were located because Minseok insisted on a face mask night for the two of them, not wanting to hole up the entire weekend working on their project. Besides, Saturdays are for relaxing and Sundays are for the undefeated panicking and trying to shove everything in the deadline according to Minseok’s words— Hyunjun couldn’t bring himself to disagree. He also scraped in some baby lotion that was half off. 

 

Right before they checked off at the line, Minseok unbuckled the teddy bear that reached to his waist from the baby seat and walked to its original spot, clutching onto its paws as an attempt to comfort in his parting. He was a bit dramatic as Hyunjun stood to the side and witnessed Minseok swinging its paws like a child holding their best friend’s hand on the playground, saying “I hope you get put in a good home. You’re too cute to be left here,” but the sight made Hyunjun’s heart crack a bit if he were to admit it. So when Minseok paid for his items with his mom’s credit card and called for Hyunjun to help him with the bags, he looked back and saw Hyunjun sliding in some cash with the teddy bear on the conveyor belt. 

 

“Hyunjun, what are you doing?” 

 

The boy raised an eyebrow, tucking the bear under his arms on one side and reached out to grab the last bag Minseok couldn’t hold at the checkout line. 

 

“What does it look like?” 

 

It took a minute for Minseok as he stared at the boy walking around him and towards the exit, saying “Come on, it might rain soon,” without looking back for the situation to hit him. He hurried after, toes stepping on Hyunjun’s heels while exclaiming, “But the price is a rip-off!”

 

“I know,” Hyunjun slowed down to match Minseok’s pace.

 

“Then why…?”

 

“Because it’s cute,” 

 

Because you like it was left unsaid by the red head. It was a short seven minute walk from Minseok’s house to the grocery store and the pair reached the house in no time with their long legs. 

 

Reaching the kitchen, Minseok began to unpack everything and threw in a, “It’s okay, you don’t have to help,” to Hyunjun, who sat himself on the counter. He swung his legs, teddy bear in his lap, as Minseok organized the last can of tomato soup into the cabinet, picking out the chicken noodle from the grocery bags. He held it out to Minseok for him to get the memo.

 

“You wanna eat that now?”

 

Hyunjun hummed and went to retrieve bowls for the two of them as Minseok sliced the cans open, popping it in the microwave after. They headed to Minseok’s room, one bowl in each hand and cartons of apple juice, and dipped onto the bed. They ate in relative silence aside from the slurping, eyes glued to the laptop screen showcasing the episode of Pokemon when James cross-dressed to kidnap Pikachu, with Hyunjun on the left and Minseok on the right. The red head had one leg stretched out and the other tucked underneath, back leaning against the headboard, and the latter sat criss-crossed attentive to the soup bowl in his lap. 

 

It was quite still too early for either of them to have enough motivation to continue their project— what with Minseok’s drowsiness after the meal paired with his fever and Hyunjun’s typical mornings spent sleeping in. So, Hyunjun slid down the bed and took a quick nap with Minseok— the latter was engulfed in his thick hoodie with the hood up— not missing how the boy had practically cuddled onto the left side of his body, hugging the teddy bear. 

 

The sun flew higher and higher into the sky, casting warm rays, and the wind chimes struck to the rhythm of a lullaby outside Minseok’s window. It was roughly two hours later that the wooden bird on Minseok’s clock chirped, indicating noon time, for Hyunjun to awaken. The first thing he did was check on Minseok’s condition— a faint touch to his forehead left his entire palm red from how hot he was. He lifted the visible side of Minseok’s hoodie up, left to use the bathroom, and returned to the warm lump in the bed with a cold towel, snuggling it onto Minseok’s forehead. He situated the giant teddy bear onto the side of the bed and perched the laptop on his lap, figuring he might as well try to finish the essay left abandoned yesterday night. 

 

Minseok continuously moved in his sleep from time to time; one minute he would roll with a small whine that Hyunjun wouldn’t be able to catch if not for the silence of the house, and the next he rolled into Hyunjun’s legs, curling his body. His nose would scrunch in discomfort so Hyunjun stripped the blanket away, lumping it at the edge of the bed, and wetted the towel again to cool down his temperature. At one point, he carefully peeled off the thick hoodie inch by inch as to not waken him, halting at his unconscious movements, before proceeding until the material was completely off. Hyunjun dabbed the towel at his exposed neck and went back to typing.

 

It was a few hours later, he was on the concluding paragraph of the third page, double spaced and properly formatted, when he heard a car park in the driveway and two familiar voices outside. The voices entered the house without so much as knocking with a familiarity, steps making themselves known as they approached Minseok’s bedroom in the corridor. The door flung open.

 

“Woosu, I got‒”

 

Junyoung paused in the doorway while Soojung squeezed himself through the entrance. Hyunjun blinked back at them.

 

“Sup Hyunjun,” Junyoung greeted at the same time Soojung went, “Oh? Hyunjun?” in utter surprise. The former laid himself on top of Minseok, who groaned in annoyance at the weight; he didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was Junyoung. Soojung crossed the room over to Minseok’s side, took one look at his state with the towel still on his forehead, and sat on the edge to pat at Minseok’s arm in sympathy. 

 

“You sick?” 

 

“Ew, gross,” Junyoung mumbled, crawling out of his position. Minseok lazily swung an arm in the air to hit his friend, but missed and hunched over. 

 

“Get off me,” Minseok murmured into his pillow and rolled over one side to lay his head on Hyunjun’s lap. Hyunjun shifted the laptop over to his knees instead, still typing his conclusion. 

 

“Want me to get you that dumpling soup?”

 

Minseok shook his head, eyes still closed. “I already ate,”

 

“Well, that’s too bad because I came over to play Overcooked with you‒”

 

At the mention of the game, Minseok shot up but was immediately induced into nausea at having sat up too quickly, slowly falling back into Hyunjun, who took the fallen damp towel near the laptop keyboard and flung it on the side so he could deal with it later. Junyoung held up his Nintendo Switch with a smug grin and Soojung handed his water bottle from his bag to the ill boy. 

 

“You just got the game?”

 

“With my money,” Soojung tutted, playfully dunking Junyoung’s head as Junyoung retaliated with loud smacks to his shoulders and a, “Well, you shouldn’t have given in so easily,”

 

“Would you have given up if I refused?”

 

“Nah.” Junyoung said in response, laying down next to Minseok despite his jokingly expression of disgust earlier to show him the levels he’s managed to beat with three stars while playing with Soojung; the latter glanced over to Hyunjun and nodded at the laptop with his chin. 

 

“Homework?”

 

Hyunjun nodded, wrapping up the last few of his words and exited out of the tab; he would leave Minseok to spell check and edit the essay later when his sickness simmered down.

 

“I actually wanted to check out the new festival downtown— see if I could get any ideas for our own school festival. But I don’t think Minseok will make it a step in,” Soojung sighed, falling backwards only to land on the teddy bear, barely squeezed into the tight space without crashing onto the two youngest’s legs. Junyoung lightly kicked at his arm.

 

“He’s meditating, guys. He’s died,”

 

“The school festival will be fine, Jihoo; it always turns out fine. You worry too much,” Minseok mumbled, breath ghosting over his lips with eyes half-lidded. Even forcing himself to enable the conversation was draining him of energy. 

 

“Yeah, but I want to introduce new activities seeing as it is my last year here. Going out with a banger and all,” Soojung huffed, sitting up. “Anyways, I’m hungry. I came over hoping to impress you with this grandiose pasta recipe I learned after the festival, but I’m assuming you can’t consume solids?” 

 

At Minseok’s nod as he moved back to Hyunjun’s lap, Soojung slapped Junyoung’s thigh and stood up.

 

“I’ll heat up some soup for you. Hyunjun, you want some spaghetti?”

 

Hyunjun contemplated his offer for the time period it took Soojung to wrestle with Junyoung and drag him into a standing position to head towards the kitchen, and gave a small nod with tightened lips when Soojung looked back. He flashed a thumbs up and Soojung grinned.

 

“Come on, Junyoung, we gotta leave the two lovebirds alone,”

 

“Hope you die choking on a meatball,” Minseok called out after the pair had closed the door behind them. Minseok hummed, for reasons Hyunjun did not know, and looked up at the laptop screen displaying his Chrome home screen— a picture of the Little Twin Stars from Sanrio Characters. 

 

“Were you working on the essay while I was asleep?” Hyunjun picked up the majority dried up towel and dabbed at Minseok’s forehead. He hummed an “Mm,” as a response to the boy.

 

“How long was I out?” Hyunjun turned to look back at the bird clock and found it had been about about half an hour or so that had passed after the two friends had arrived to disrupt Minseok’s sleep. 

 

“You slept for a few hours after I woke up. We slept until noon, I think,” His hands parted the bangs falling into Minseok’s eyes and he played with the curly ends of his hair at his nape, twisting them with his index finger when he felt Minseok relax against him. 

 

“Hmm. I want to head out to the living room because knowing the two, they’d probably want to watch something together while eating. But I don’t want to get up,” Minseok whined, leaning into Hyunjun’s touch when his fingers found their way to the top of his head. He squinted up at Hyunjun and plastered on a growing grin. 

 

“Carry me,” 

 

Hyunjun looked down at him with a dublious look, furrowing his eyebrows. It seemed like he was glaring in that position with the shadows across his forehead, but Minseok knew it was simply disbelief. 

 

“Hyunjun, carry me~” He wiggled to accentuate the pout in his tone and his overall childish act, hoping to get a mortified reaction from Hyunjun to where he would give in. 

 

“Care me. Hyunnie, care me,” He sat up and clung to Hyunjun by wrapping his arms around his waist and digging his chin into Hyunjun’s shoulder. He made sure he got the boy’s attention by widening his eyes and wobbling his pouting bottom lip for the effect of a puppy to die for. Paired with red cheeks, anyone would’ve given in regardless of who they are is what Hyunjun tells himself as he turned around, indicating for the puppy to get on his back. Minseok climbed on, tightly enclosing his legs around Hyunjun’s waistline as the boy moved out of the bedroom with hands supporting underneath his thighs. 

 

It was somewhere around early afternoons between two and three when Minseok found himself dropped on the couch and his body felt like an amorphous solid, sinking into the fabric left to be swallowed whole. He could hear Soojung and Junyoung making a mess in the kitchen— it was most likely due to the latter though— and a hand tilted his head to push a pillow underneath him. The presence disappeared but what felt like a second later reappeared, handing him the giant teddy bear as a comfort item. Minseok immediately hugged the bear, arms and breaths languid like a summer’s evening. 

 

The television was on some random channel that was broadcasting an auction for antiques, mainly as background noises for the two in the kitchen. The curtains in the living room were being untied, diminishing natural light, and a shadow loomed over him. Then he felt a cold cloth being dabbed against his forehead. 

 

“You okay?” Hyunjun was squatting right in front of him but his voice felt miles away and was simply being communicated through a buffering radio. 

 

“Just tired,” He blinked slowly.

 

Hyunjun nodded, refolded the towel, and arranged it onto his forehead.

 

“Tell me when you need pain relievers,”

 

The red head turned to the stash of movies stuffed underneath the shelf hoisting the television, sifted through the huge collection of Disney and Pixar films, and plopped in Ratatouille so Minseok won’t be bored as he headed into the kitchen. 

 

Hyunjun stopped short of approaching the two, lingering by the side as they bickered. Soojung was responsible for boiling the noodles, which looked quite done, as he gripped the spatula away from Junyoung, who stood in front of a mixer bowl. 

 

“Why did you mix Tapatio with the tomato sauce?!”

 

“It’s not my fault the ingredients aren’t labeled in this household!”

 

“What else did you add??”

 

Hyunjun clambered to grab a bowl and a can of chicken noodle for Minseok. The two paid no attention to him. 

 

“What is this?”

 

Soojung scooped up ripped chunks of a yellow ingredient, hands on his hips meanwhile Junyoung was chopping up onions. A glance to the side while Hyunjun was waiting for the soup to be heated was a perfect picture of a mother scolding her child for dumping his vegetables in the nearby plant pot. 

 

“I ripped up cheese so it can overtake the spiciness!”

 

“Why would you add cheese in the sauce first??”

 

Hyunjun went ahead into the living room with Minseok’s soup, not before tasting a bit of the sauce while the two looked for a reaction of any sorts. The taste wasn’t bad, just unnecessarily spicy and the onions didn’t help, so all Hyunjun could do was advise, “More cheese,” before leaving. Minseok sat up at Hyunjun’s presence. 

 

“How was the sauce?” He cringed at the mention of the sauce, somehow already knowing the result without even tasting it, and gave a small thank you afterwards. 

 

“Mm.. it’s not bad. Just spicy,”

 

“Wow, how humble of you, sir,”

 

It had been a peaceful but unforeseen day for Hyunjun. He couldn’t believe that he was actually here in this moment, sitting on the couch with Minseok’s legs draped over his lap and his two unexpected companions on the floor dishing out a list of posh insults at each other over their plate of failed spaghetti in overly exaggerated British accents while Ratatouille played in the background on a Saturday evening. Typically a Saturday consisted of him sleeping in until the afternoons, heading to the skate park, and sitting on the floor of the living room alone with the television on in the dark shoving ramen into his mouth as night fell. But this… he couldn’t get the hang of. 

 

A fork wrapped in noodles plopped in Minseok’s mouth due to his persistence on trying them regardless of his stomach had him look straight into Hyunjun’s eyes blankly and go, “I think I’m gonna be sick,”. It caused a chuckle to tumble out of his throat, raw in the years he hasn’t genuinely laughed due to someone, and the sparkle of Minseok’s eyes said it all. He got Hyunjun to laugh again, and the idea to stretch that laughter until Hyunjun’s body had enough was impulsively tempting. So, he dug his toes into Hyunjun’s side and plopped a spoon of his soup into Hyunjun’s mouth telling him to eat this instead of the spaghetti. 

 

Junyoung gagged at the sight of the two feeding each other but proceeded to choke on the half tomato half Tapatio sauce a second later, which unveiled a chain of laughter from the rest of the boys. In the back, Hyunjun fed Minseok a couple more spoons before his appetite diminished and Minseok shifted, preparing to lay down. He was about to stand up to put their dishes away when he felt a hand tugging his shoulders down into an embrace, snaking around his neck to hold him, until he was laying on top of the boy. Hyunjun, confused to the fullest, attempted to pull himself up, but the arms around his neck weren’t budging. 

 

“Lay with me,” Minseok whined with his bottom lip jutting out. 

 

Hyunjun gulped. 

 

Being in close proximity with the ill boy in a chest-to-chest position— well, it was more of a chest-to-face position— allowed him to see him in a bare light, counting each and every breath he exchanged with the slight rise and fall of his chest. He could see how his lips were slightly chapped but moistened around the edges from the soup consumption earlier; his red apple cheeks that lifted the corners of his eyes; how his left eyebrow was a little more arched than his right one; how his top lip that usually juts out was a bit thinned and sunken in due to him pouting; and his eyes. His eyes that, since day one in the same classroom that gazed upon him like he handed him the universe, were so unbelievably round— that was now peering up at him with an innocence short circuiting Hyunjun’s brain. Eyes that made him forget his surroundings and how the owner of it aligned into the center of the universe, like it made sense in the moment, intertwined with the stars. 

 

Meanwhile, Minseok could see Hyunjun melt between his fingers. The walls that the boy barricades himself in were not cracking into chunks of crumbling bricks, but had shown its vulnerability in the time duration of their eye contact. He could see the tough walls become malleable, allowing a simple touch from Minseok to soften it. He could see his heart shaped lips parting a bit in surprise; how his eyelids, typically spreading itself closely on top of his lashes like a towel on the sandy beach, were lifted by his rising eyebrows; how that one strand of hair was at odd with the rest of his bangs, settling on the shoreline instead of united with the waves; his hoop earrings in the corner; and his eyes that sparked an old fire that had died out. 

 

But having seen Hyunjun still at their proximity made Minseok retract his pout. Had he gone too far? Was he making him uncomfortable? In an attempt of comfort, he patted Hyunjun’s top head, gave a small thinned smile, and turned his attention to the movie. And Hyunjun gave in. He laid his head carefully onto Minseok’s chest, ears pressed against the flattening body, and focused on the unfolding scene of Linguini flinging a pancake out onto the streets. 

 

For a doubtful moment, he considered pulling away from the embrace and walking to the kitchen to attend to the dirty dishes, and simply return without acknowledging whatever just happened had happened between them. But the part of him that won pushed him to lay down, to give into Minseok’s request, and pretend the situation was a casual thing that came in a set with befriending Minseok. He could only hope Minseok couldn’t feel his rapidly thumping heartbeats. Minseok wished the same.

 

Waking up in an embrace was one thing, but to allow himself to be embraced was another. He could feel the boy’s fingers lightly drawing up and down his back before scraping up his nape and running through his red hair. A tingle tracked down his spine— a different feeling from the one on the rainy night his mother held him for the last time. 

 

His mother’s hug, although desperately surging to convey warmth, was cold; a type of cold that started off in a disguise before transforming into a more noticeable chill that plagued every pore on his body as his mother uncontrollably shook. Minseok’s hug was the warmth seven year old Hyunjun craved for— one that didn’t turn into ice but instead burned more and more, just enough to overwhelm Hyunjun. He couldn’t pinpoint whether it was a good or bad thing — to allow himself to bathe freely in a warmth that could just as easily be taken away. 

 

But he laid, letting it all happen in the evening of Minseok’s living room with the two friends in front too immersed in the movie to give them any attention. He laid in Minseok’s embrace, and took a breath.

 

One. Two. Exhale.

 

He took a breath. 

 

One. Two. Exhale.  

Notes:

woof sorry it took so long... i have no excuse from delaying on this writing other than my lack of energy/focus lmaoo.

Chapter 5: romance in spring

Summary:

A different trombone hummed, vibrating his ribs and up his lungs; a cymbal marched to every nerve in his body, and when he gazed upon Minseok, a cello thumped to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

For a Sunday, it didn’t feel as warm in the morning as most typical Sundays were, along with the panic and dread for every student who had procrastinated until the last minute. As much as he would’ve liked to enjoy spending another day at Minseok’s to catch up on their project, which was set to be due this Wednesday, he found himself parking in his own driveway and coming home to an empty kitchen. 

 

The only person who was up was one of the other two renters, a short elderly man whom he’s never talked to other than acknowledging the other’s presence with a slight bow, offering him a small smile before disappearing into his bedroom with his daily mug of tea. The old man was just as quiet as the house, never made a peep of noise, to the point that Hyunjun was never sure if he was out or not. He didn’t know much about him, other than he seemed to be just as lonely as Hyunjun, with no visitors or friends over; and no grandkids. He was a walking corpse in a way. And Hyunjun preferred the silence, even if it gets to be a bit too much for his thoughts at night. 

 

His Sunday consisted of him changing out of his school uniform, which he had to change into after returning Minseok’s clothes, charging his laptop as he made himself a cup of instant coffee; prepped some wrapped food for his mother; and skated around town. He found himself at the cafe he worked at on the weekdays, greeting his coworkers with a polite smile, and settled at the table in the darkest corner pointed towards the restrooms. 

 

Despite being sick, Minseok was conscious and decent enough to not let his partner do everything, so he and Hyunjun worked on the shared presentation slides together, highlighting keywords in different colors to determine who would say what when presenting. Their presentation requirement was to summarize their essay in a limit of ten minutes or less, and to not bombard with just text as their teacher would also grade on visuals and aesthetics. 

 

From the hour Hyunjun ordered his bitterly sweet coffee to the time he finished it, he and Minseok accomplished completing the entire project in addition to picking out the presentation theme, media contents, color and font usage, and, of course, double checking for errors. It took about three to four hours in total, and the sun wasn’t quite ready to sleep so Hyunjun knocked back with some Chinese chicken from the shop next to his workplace and visited the abandoned skating park. He skated until the sun dipped— the only lightsource was from neighborhood streets and his phone, which was spammed with messages in the groupchat he was added into— and headed home to await for Monday.

 

Lunch time came the following day and Hyunjun sat with his legs stabilized on two chairs, head rolled back in an attempt to sleep, as the boys discussed over the school festival. Being the school president, although it came with tons of advantages and a high reputation among staff and students, also had disadvantages, which was the amount of responsibilities they held. That explained why Soojung looked like pure shit, like if he had died voluntarily only to be summoned over and over by a necromancer who forced him to live against his will. 

 

Two of the school treasurers— there were a total of six treasurers— were MIA in the meeting over the discussion for the school festival, and being the school president, Soojung had taken it upon himself to go through the entire list of plausible activities to approve for the upcoming event. He had also spent his entire Sunday catching up on the pile of homework while also creating props and decorations for the already-approved activities on school grounds. Minseok was currently helping him with curling some pink ribbons for a painted board. And Junyoung… well, he was check-marking some of the more questionable activities Soojung had separated from the approved. Or at least he was supposed to, but in actuality he focused more on completing his math worksheet first. He had found out it accounted for huge credits. 

 

“Who the hell suggests a dating club at school ?” Soojung groaned out in misery, repeatedly slamming his head onto the table. Minseok slid a piece of paper underneath as if that will prevent him from bruising later on. 

 

“Just go on Tinder for that,”

 

“They’re minors, Jihoo,” 

 

“Or they could just talk in person like normal people,” Junyoung chirped in.

 

“Not the point of how ridiculous this suggestion is,” Soojung leaned back on his chest, all life flashing before his eyes. 

 

The days passed with Soojung’s stress overtly growing worse and worse like mold in milk. Minseok and Junyoung offered to paint certain props after school and Hyunjun helped as much as he can on confirming selling prices for certain food items, like the mochi donuts that will be held in the courtyard stalls, while also balancing school and his job. Minseok and Hyunjun rehearsed a day before they were to present, being the second group on the waiting list to get it over with, all while helping Soojung during lunch periods. On Wednesday, the pair slid through their presentations without a problem; on Thursday, Soojung was a bundle of nerves; and finally the last day of the week arrived through the hell of it. 

 

Hyunjun had asked earlier in advance if his shift could be covered on Friday and his coworkers just as easily agreed, knowing about the nearby high school’s tradition of hosting the annual festival. So, with that, he set off to his home to prepare for the event.

 

This year’s festival theme was “Romance in Spring” suggested by one of the treasurers with a leading vote by twenty percent, beating other categories like “Tropical Warmth in Winter”, which is easily flawed seeing as the current weather invalidated winter clothing. The event lasted from four to nine at night, giving two hours for the school treasurers and volunteer staff to perfect every activity that reached practically every corner on school grounds, starting from the entrance gates to the courtyards and unlocked classrooms. 

 

The auditorium in the drama department was reserved for the showcasing of rented coming of age films like Alice Wu’s The Half of It and Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower . The biggest room in the art department was for lantern making, which they will set to rise in the sky at exactly eight when the sky has darkened enough, and the assembly room was for talent shows up to twenty five performances. Food stalls will be scattered throughout the courtyard near the front entrance and the fake-pretend cafe will take place in one of the larger drama rooms. With school fundraisers and sponsorships, they managed to rent a DJ booth for the dance floor in the gymnasium, three photo booths near the locker rooms, and an ice cream man in his food truck in the courtyards.

 

Hyunjun’s notifications were of Minseok asking what he was going to wear and if he had wanted to borrow clothes. Junyoung replies with, “Can I borrow your pink fishnets?” to which Minseok responds, “Fuck you,” and then a “I threw those out years ago.” right after. Hyunjun blinked. 

 

All he had was his all-black wardrobe so he had shown up looking like the odd Brady of the bunch dressed in attendance to his own funeral; the only color to his fit was the red illustration of blood in his no-sleeve graphic tee and the small silver chains he adorned. Junyoung, in his light jeans with an arm around Minseok’s shoulder, whistled at the sight of him.

 

“Wednesday Addams, did I ever tell you’re hot?”

 

“Stop flirting with other people’s boyfriends,” 

 

The trio had agreed to meet by the same fire hydrant the first time Minseok had walked to school with Hyunjun directly in front of the cafe. Seeing the three friends huddle together and crossing the short street to approach them tugged a familiar string in Hyunjun’s heart to a night of when he was out with him , but he must thank Junyoung’s comment for snapping him out of his incoming funk of repressed memories that would kill him if manifested. 

 

“Not flirting, just learning to pay compliments,” Junyoung acquired, avoiding Soojung’s pinching hands by using Minseok as a shield. The four had set off, falling into a rhythm with Junyoung and Soojung walking in the front, playfully smacking him in every area he could reach, while Hyunjun and Minseok trailed in the back. 

 

If Hyunjun had anything to say to Minseok’s outfit— what with the coral, gingham patterned overalls that reached to his thighs and the white shirt underneath— he chose not to comment, and instead secretly eyed him from head to toe. It came as a surprise when the boy enthusiastically looped his arms through Hyunjun’s that he saw a peek of Minseok’s exposed tummy through the revealing space of the overalls. His breath hitched and he coughed to hide the fact that he was left flustered at the moment. It appeared the white shirt was just any other plain white tee to the average sized person, but it took the appearance of a crop top when adorned on Minseok, being too small a size on his tall, lanky body. And it is with this mind that Hyunjun attempts to scurry after the two in the front, eyes looking everywhere but at Minseok, who was oblivious to his friend’s odd behavior. He balled his fists and shoved them down deeper into his pockets. 

 

To describe the atmosphere when the group of four entered past the school gates and into the courtyard tailing behind a group of other students would be unexceptionally overwhelming for Hyunjun, who tightened his arm still looped around Minseok’s and let himself be dragged into the crowds. There was enough space for everyone to walk around each other, but he felt he couldn’t breathe with the amount of people unintentionally leaning into his space or swerving past his shoulders to greet their friends at the entrance. On the left was the ice cream truck with a wide menu of gelato desserts and ice cream cones, ranging in flavors from the basics like vanilla to fruit based ones; the mochi donut stall starting at the slim price of five per piece; the more pricey dango stall; and one that sold simple sweets found at convenience stores. On the right side contained stalls for corn dogs, waffles, churros, chili cheese nachos, and tuna rice balls.

 

The four friends floundered to the ice cream truck— Minseok and Hyunjun latched to fruit flavors while Soojung and Junyoung got chocolate cups— and brisked themselves with shared snacks. Hyunjun, for the long period of waiting for the trio to grab some waffles, fled to the grass field away from the crowds but closeby enough to keep an eye out for them. 

 

He was on his third bite when Minseok had jogged up to him and held out the waffle drizzled in chocolate sauce for him. He took a bite and found it odd how, after a while of chewing, the curly head continued to stare at him. Hyunjun glanced up, a question on the tip of his tongue, when Minseok’s thumb lightly dug into the corner of his mouth and swept past his lips as if wiping a substance off him. The same finger dipped into Minseok’s parted mouth and sucked off the smeared chocolate syrup, oblivion in his eyes. Hyunjun wanted to vomit from the stuttering movements his heart in his ribs enacted. 

 

They ventured into the building, presented with two dollar slushies in one classroom, before essentially going place after place with a familiarity in their steps provided the event still held some of the same activities from last year. 

 

Hyunjun lagged behind a bit from the group, Minseok could tell, and not just physically. Looking at Hyunjun take everything in with caution when every student exhibited the opposite made Minseok feel how suffocating it must be to be Hyunjun himself, despite the charade he had going on with his stern posture. But Minseok saw the telltale signs no one took notice of: the way he walked stiffly straight as a bat, ready to bolt if threatened, when he usually hunches and his hyper-sensitivity of sounds. 

 

So Minseok did what he did the year Junyoung frightened himself to death and couldn’t calm down: he held the boy’s hand, gave it a slight squeeze, and matched his pace with Hyunjun to ensure he wasn’t alone, even if they fell behind. Hyunjun could only hope the blush on his face wasn’t visible. He gulped awkwardly at Minseok’s directed smile meant to comfort him.

 

With enough food in their stomachs to satisfy the duo, Soojung and Junyoung stopped in front of the auditorium, gathered by a few lingering students awaiting for the movie times.

 

“Aite, let’s take a vote. Rock for Perks of Being a Wallflower and scissors for The Half of It ,” Soojung chimed. 

 

It was two against one— scissors was in the lead— and they all turned their heads to look at Hyunjun, who passively shrugged with his hand still intertwined with Minseok’s. 

 

“Man, I’m sick and tired of Perks of Being a Wallflower . We watch it every time we stay over at your house,” Junyoung whined. Minseok could only nod in agreement. 

 

“Wait, is that why you’ve stopped visiting me?” 

 

“Cause that’s the only film you seem to know,” Junyoung failed to dodge Soojung’s kick to his behind. 

 

With a light heart and a nostalgic weight residing in his stomach, Hyunjun found that he enjoyed the movie more than he had expected of a romance-but-not-romance film. Judging by his character, he didn’t seem the type to actively search for romance films or chick flicks to consume— most would assume he was more of a horror, sci-fi kind of guy, although he did enjoy those genres— but his laptop history begged to differ. He loved romance films, never the classics because admittedly he would rather have a truck run over him than watch The Notebook or Titanic , because there was a lightness that he couldn’t experience in reality. Love as a concept was desirable and at times made him wish he had someone who was his, but love in actuality has the power to heal and destroy. It was the reason he moved to a new city, the reason behind his mother’s last embrace, and the reason his life took a turn. 

 

And Minseok, well, that kid was the definition of love. He doesn’t hide that he loves someone very well, based on his affections, and he loves to love. He would squeal when the excitement was too much for him to repress and hit the arm of the person next to him, which so happened to be Hyunjun; he would silently cry but pretend his eyes were irritated for a different reason instead; he would lean over and whisper into Hyunjun’s ears whenever the characters were stuck; he would absentmindedly run his fingers through Hyunjun’s hair, a slap on the thigh, or a pinch to the elbow; and he loved holding hands. He continued to hold Hyunjun’s hands even after they had exited the auditorium and were headed to the art room to make their own lanterns for later, but fearing exposure, Hyunjun clamped their hands in between the area below their waistlines to hide it. And if Minseok noticed what he was doing, he didn’t comment on it.

 

They passed by a small stall directly in front of the art building that was selling flowers to couples for cheap prices. They had roses, baby breaths, lilacs, tulips, hydrangeas, and orchids for sale— some fake and some real. Hyunjun had stopped to look at the hydrangeas when he felt something being pinned into his hair. He whipped around to find Minseok with a couple of baby breaths in his hands with some of the stems snapped off. The boy smiled as if the sight was common and pointed to the baby breaths tucked behind his ear. 

 

“We have matching flowers now,”

 

Hyunjun was unsure of how to respond to the cuteness of it all, and he staggered a bit under the boy’s stare. The fake orange tulips were within reaching distance, so he stuck one on top of Minseok’s curly head to match the boy’s outfit. Minseok beamed up at him before doing the same with the hydrangea Hyunjun was eyeing earlier. 

 

“Gross. Get a room, you two,” Junyoung gagged but was struck with Soojung tucking a rose by his ear. He smacked off his hands and threatened, “I will not hesitate to scream right here and right now if you do that again,”

 

If they thought the auditorium was crowded, the art room was two times the noise. Everyone pitched in early to decorate their lanterns with as many possessions and materials as they could get their hands on; certain stickers were out before Soojung could grab some for himself. Junyoung stole a table from freshmans who left to grab paint and dragged four seats together, reserving the spot while Soojung fetched the acrylics and paintbrushes. 

 

Hyunjun took his time with his, dragging his thin brush to extract outlines of city buildings that overlooked the water bridge further north of their district neighborhoods and low homes grouped up in blocks. He mixed grey paint to depict the rabbits that played in the hillsides of Minseok’s neighborhood block; brown paint for the cafe he worked at; and a mixture of vermillion and mustard yellow for the giant sun that overtook half of the paper lantern. This was the most focused Hyunjun has been at a desk— to the point he failed to notice the dagger stares of girls giggling behind their hands and ominous whispers.

 

“Woah,” Junyoung leaned over. “Van Gogh could never,”

 

Hyunjun arranged the candle to sit still inside the lantern with Minseok’s help. Soojung whistled at the artwork.

 

“Wait, Junyoung, place yours next to his,” 

 

The paper lantern was black and white city outlines, and right next to it was a shitty depiction of the Power Rangers. 

 

“Wow,” Soojung deadpanned. “You didn’t even draw the Red Ranger,” 

 

“Shit, for real?”

 

“How did you forget the Red Ranger? He’s the main one,”

 

Having finished, Hyunjun leaned in his chair with ease and admired the artwork he created. A lantern was shoved into his face, causing him to go cross-eyed before his focus was on a minimalistic design. It consisted of simple strokes, five at the most, but had a floral pattern of sakura petals randomly scattered throughout and curved lines in an almost V shape to represent birds. Right next to the lantern was Minseok’s giant grin, proudly showing off his product to Hyunjun. 

 

With white paint that somehow landed on the tip of Minseok’s nose and a smile that stretched to the heavens, Hyunjun found himself wondering of the life he could’ve had if he hadn’t been caught ditching. At this hour, he would usually be at home as far away from school events as possible, slurping on instant noodles in his bed with the television in the background. But instead, here he was sitting on the metal chair that shocked his skin with a paper lantern in his hands, two friends bickering at the end of the table, and a boy in a crop top who gave him everything to feel alive just for a little while. 

 

He could go on and on about the effect that Minseok’s smile had on him, but he was interrupted with a hand that grabbed his and pulled him towards a direction.

 

“Hyunjun, they have face painting!”

 

There were a couple students surrounding the table further in the back with all sorts of washable paint and jars of brushes taped to a paper that said, “Please wash brushes,”. Minseok uncapped one of the black bottles and pushed Hyunjun to sit down on a nearby stool. 

 

“I wanna draw on your face,” Minseok giggled. He grabbed a thin point brush and cradled Hyunjun’s face in between his hands.

 

“You can draw on me as revenge later if you want,”

 

Hyunjun blanked out when Minseok decided it was wise, instead of grabbing another stool, to sit on his lap with unadulterated innocence as if not realizing what the position suggested to outsiders. He could practically feel his cheeks heating up as he could only stare at Minseok in a daze, brain checking out while his heart screamed into the void. Not knowing what to do with his hands, he kept them clenched in a tight fist on his knees. He couldn’t trust his instincts to not humiliate him if he were to look directly at the boy, so he did the first thing he thought of: to focus on Minseok’s nose instead. Said-boy stuttered out a chuckle.

 

“Hyunjun, you’re going cross-eyed,” 

 

He straightened his posture and cleared his throat in embarrassment at having done such a thing, and fixed his attention on the strand of stitch hanging on Minseok’s shoulders. 

 

His mind must’ve went haywire because he refused to budge from his stiff position, even if the edge of the stool was painfully digging into his thighs from Minseok’s weight, and awfully afraid of doing anything to the boy in his lap, who took all the time he needed to draw whatever he wanted onto Hyunjun’s face. He must’ve gone insane— that was the only possible explanation. If this were to occur on the same faithful day he meant Minseok, the old Hyunjun wouldn’t have hesitated to forcefully push him off and maybe throw in a few curse words, but here he was doing the exact opposite of any of that. 

 

How long do I have to sit here? Should I move my hands? Do I tell him my legs are cramping up? No, that would make things more awkward , were thoughts living in his head rent free. 

 

“You’re so pretty now, Hyunnie,”

 

Minseok squished in his cheeks and beamed at Hyunjun, admiring what he drew. Hyunjun hadn’t even paid attention to what the boy could have possibly done to his face, too focused onto the zoo going on in his brain. He brought up his phone’s camera to show Hyunjun what he looked like. He had painted small flower petals on the peak of Hyunjun’s cheekbones, descending downwards into a grape vine and his nose bridge was littered with a trail of multi-colored flowers; a cloud hid at the ends of his eyebrows and white lines worked itself around his eyelids to accentuate the hooded crease. He looked like a Snow filter at the most. 

 

Minseok passed his brush to him. “Pretty huh? You can draw on me if you want,”

 

“I’ll gladly do so,” A hand snatched the brush and wrapped the other on the back of Minseok’s nape. Junyoung kept his hold on Minseok even as the boy squirmed away, whining at how he had offered Hyunjun and not his best friend. Minseok wiggling in his lap had only made Hyunjun more hyper-sensitive to the ringing in his ears that increased in volume, the burn underneath his thighs, and the sudden realization that all eyes were on him— more specifically the commotion going on— so he shoved the boy off his lap and straightened the flannel tied around his waist, eyes on the ground. Soojung came over to steady Hyunjun temporarily— he hadn’t realized his body was slightly trembling— and looked over his face. 

 

He commented a, “Not bad,” and looked over at Minseok having resigned in defeat and letting Junyoung draw Doraemon that overtook half of his face. His face, usually expressive from the times Hyunjun’s been with him, was void of any emotion as blue paint filled up his cheeks. Hyunjun couldn’t stop the snicker that vomited out of his mouth. 

 

For the next hour they spent waiting for the night to appear, they split money and shared nachos and other fried food with each other away from the crowded courtyards. They visited the cafe event on the second floor as Soojung had promised to overtake a role in preparation for the surge of customers, dressed in one of the costumes provided by the drama department. Fit in clunky dress shoes and a white, see-through blouse that was tight around his chest, topped with a frilly lace apron used for last year’s musical production. One of the school treasurers even managed to clip a french maid headband onto his hair without much of a fight, and Junyoung may or may not have secretly taken multiple pictures in different angles for blackmail. 

 

The trio headed to the sparse gymnasium with raving overhead lights and a cheap DJ booth blasting September by Earth, Wind, & Fire in an hour loop without Soojung; Junyoung mainly wanted to see what type of free beverages the staff bought sitting on the side by the folded bleachers. Hyunjun felt a hand slither in his own sweaty ones and fingers laced with his in nonchalance before they dragged him into one of the available photo booths decorated in fake tropical flowers bought from the dollar store. 

 

The space was rather small for the two of them, who were taller than average, so Hyunjun found himself with half a cheek squished on Minseok’s side and a foot on top of his. Minseok didn’t seem to mind much, focused on selecting what filters he wanted on the big screen flashing in rainbow LEDs. The screen began flashing a countdown and Hyunjun blankly stared at the red light, not sure of what to do in the enclosed space pressed up against Minseok, but it seems Minseok had other plans. 

 

On the last cue, he hung an arm over Hyunjun’s shoulder to pull him closer and pressed their cheeks against each other and smiled big at the camera with a peace sign in the air— Hyunjun in a hurried surprise ended up squinting instead of smiling. At the next round, Minseok shifted so Hyunjun was practically halfway in his lap unwittingly and pressed a finger into the left side of Hyunjun’s cheek as a cute gesture and posing with the other hand on his own cheek— Hyunjun was once again left in the dark to improvise an awkward gesture without touching Minseok. The last set had a little bit of a delay with the countdown; Hyunjun was attentive to the warmth radiating from being pressed against Minseok’s body that he was startled when he felt a finger rub at his cheekbones. 

 

It dawned on him what a mistake it was to look over when he met Minseok’s round eyes erupted in captured stars and a galaxy on his lips despite the cursed Doraemon on his left cheek; he felt his heart hum soft melodies, a music note for every gulp, and a push at the trombones for every exhale. Minseok’s smile was a whole concerto piece and Hyunjun’s fingers itched to press the piano keys, but the butterflies bunched up in his stomach were too afraid to be freed from their casted net. 

 

His eyes followed the twitch of Minseok’s lips and he felt the fingers again softly brushing his cheeks then he heard a camera shuttle and a click and the fingers quickly retracted. He blinked slowly, mind comprehending the pause in time while Minseok continued staring at him. His smile was slowly faltering but not in a bad way— it seemed as if an unspoken truth had also dawned on Minseok, tip-toeing on eggshells. It made Hyunjun uneasy as if Minseok was seeing right through him. Neither one took the initiative to move, fearful of disrupting the thin bubble formed around them. Hyunjun unconsciously licked his lips out of nervousness and he could’ve sworn his mind was playing tricks on him when Minseok’s gaze flickered to his lips. 

 

Minseok parted his mouth and said, “Your flowers were smeared–” but was interrupted by Junyoung pulling at the curtains with what looked like a cup of fruit punch in his hands. 

 

“Bro, you would not believe what this fruit punch tastes like. Taste this,” He held it out to Hyunjun, who passed it back after smelling the juice, not quite trusting whatever it was that Junyoung handed to him. Minseok sipped a bit and the “Huh?” that slipped out accompanied by his frowning eyebrows said much to the overall taste. 

 

“Junyoung, are you sure this is fruit punch?” 

 

“You tell me because I have no clue,” Junyoung pointed to the three staff members who were guarding the table of beverages for safety. “The staff were too busy flirting away to notice a group of boys steal an entire cooler of soda cans,” 

 

“This doesn’t even taste like fruit,” Minseok gave back the cup. He took the two printed photoset from the machine and Hyunjun took that as his cue to leave the enclosed space before it gets awkward between the two. 

 

“I’m gonna try to steal a couple soda cans without getting caught. Run when you see me run,” Junyoung headed back to the table without another word and Minseok gestured for Hyunjun to follow him to the exit of the gym. The duo stood by the doorway, leaning against the heavy set of doors, and kept an eye out for Junyoung. He suddenly bolted at his fifth try of stealing Fanta cans when a staff member looked over, causing the duo to bolt right before Junyoung approached in frantic steps while cradling the cans in his arms. 

 

They ran, even though no one had bothered to chase them, until they were out of breath and bending over in the quiet hallway of the library and Junyoung crashed to the floor in exhaustion. Minseok trudged over and smacked at his arm playfully, the giant grin back on his lips, and he stole two cans from Junyoung’s grip and handed one over to Hyunjun. They walked to the flight of stairs to pick up Soojung as the night was approaching, grabbed the lanterns they left in the treasurer’s care, and headed to the sports field where crowds of students were already gathered— most were standing with their phones out while some were sitting on the grass.

 

They had trouble finding a free spot as most were already taken or reserved by groups of friends waiting on others. Hyunjun had stalked to the outskirts of the field and the rest followed like little ducklings, not minding the isolation from the others. Minseok was back to holding his hand, words left unsaid between the two after what happened at the photo booth, and moved with him. They didn’t talk about the photoset because the last photo in the sequence were the two of them staring into each other’s eyes, too friendly to be just a friendship. 

 

Soojung and Junyoung found a small spot where the grass ended at the cement but it was still far more crowded than to Hyunjun’s liking, and his displeasure must’ve been obvious enough for Minseok to chip in, “I’m gonna wash this Doraemon off my face. Hyunjun, come help me,” before dragging him away from the crowd. They walked into the quiet fourth floor of the art department, closest to the fields, and into the deserted bathrooms where Minseok really meant what he said. He scrubbed harshly at the Doraemon when it didn’t come off in the first attempt of cleaning. 

 

“Isn’t this washable paint? Why is it so hard to get off?” He grumbled, splashing another round of water at his face. Hyunjun perched on the sink and looked at his own reflection, rubbing at the smeared flowers across his nose bridge and cheekbones with bare hands. 

 

“What if Junyoung accidentally used acrylic?” 

 

Minseok snorted at Hyunjun’s comment. 

 

“Knowing his dumbass, he probably did,” 

 

He dried his face with the paper towels, cheeks rubbed raw, and dampened another.

 

“Let me help,”

 

He dabbed at Hyunjun’s cheekbones with one hand and the other was placed onto the sink for balance, not needing to tip-toe to reach Hyunjun’s face. The boy sitting on the sink flushed a warm pink and held his breath, staring straight at the graffiti lined on the bathroom stalls in Sharpies. 

 

Why is this night so distressful? He thought, making out the words, “XX was here,” or a heart shape with two names etched in the middle. Why would you confess your relationship in a bathroom, much less a stinky high school bathroom? 

 

“Hyunjun…”

 

He looked over at Minseok instinctively, eyes shaking and pupils blown. Were Minseok’s lips ever this glossy? He hummed questioningly at Minseok calling his name. Minseok blinked, still rubbing at Hyunjun’s cheeks, and slightly startled at the noise as if he hadn’t expected Hyunjun to respond. His eyes widened a bit at the realization that he had whispered Hyunjun’s name unconsciously. 

 

He remained silent and continued wiping. And if Hyunjun’s face had been cleared of paint, aside from the white on his crease line, minutes prior to Minseok calling his name then no one needed to know besides for the curly head himself. He paused to wetten the towel again and carefully made sure not to rub rawly at Hyunjun’s skin. He looked adoringly at the boy in front of him, taking in the small tremble of Hyunjun’s top lip; his eyebrows that furrowed, straighten itself out then furrowed again in worry; his eyes that carried questions neither of them were brave enough to answer; the eyelash stuck underneath his eye bag; the blush residing on his cheeks; his red bangs that were fading of color; and the wishing star that twinkles in his eyes— Minseok figured a fairy must’ve gifted it to him. 

 

He was a beauty not meant to be touched, encased in a glass cold from the outside but warm on the inside. He was the embodied picture of the enchanted rose from Beauty and the Beast , and Minseok craved to touch him. He gave into every urge, every temptation that arose around Hyunjun, but was careful to not be selfish and prick himself with thorns. He was well aware of Hyunjun’s boundaries, but in moments like this where he’s pressed up against him he couldn’t bring his mind to verbalize anything, let alone think. What is Hyunjun’s boundary in this particular moment? Was Minseok making him uncomfortable? Why wasn’t he doing anything about it?

 

Minseok was confused to say the least. Was he selfish for wanting to touch Hyunjun every chance he got? Was he going overboard? He rinsed the paper that was falling apart. 

 

“Close your eyes,” 

 

Hyunjun arched his eyebrows at that then followed through once he realized Minseok intended to clean the paint from his eyelids. He could feel Minseok’s nervous energy through his shaking hands and wondered if Minseok could feel his too that were tucked in between his thighs. The ringing in his ears unnecessarily returned, much like high school bullies in teen films before the protagonist unleashes his true powers as a shock value to further develop the plotline, and his heart hummed to a familiar melody once again. The same music notes, the same trombones, the same piano keys, and… an unfamiliar, tingle to his forehead?

 

He opened his eyes to faintly see Minseok’s lips stepping away from his forehead and at the new redness plaguing the boy’s cheeks. The flustered boy stuttered out, “Let’s go back to the boys, yeah?” and left the bathroom before Hyunjun could even get a word out.

 

Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Minseok cursed at himself, heavily pacing outside the bathroom door. A girl walked out from the adjacent bathroom and moved around him without blinking an eye at his crisis. The polished, cold tiles looked inviting and Minseok never wanted the ground to swallow him whole more than ever, drag him through the dirt, and bury him alive as he contemplates over his regrets. He sinks to the ground and buries his hands roughly through his curls, tugging on them a little to inflict pain before pulling back. His lantern sat sadly by his foot. 

 

Hyunjun sat unblinkingly, staring straight at the wall with the Sharpie heart. 

 

Did what he thought happened just happened? Does he have to talk about this to Minseok?

 

He recalled back to the pink tint that usurped over Minseok’s cheeks and quickly darted around to look in his reflection and sure enough, the same clown stared back at him. No doubt Minseok had seen the same blush he wore. He pressed his forehead against the mirror, closed his eyes, and took deep breaths while slowly counting to ten. He reopened them, decided his face hadn’t cooled, recounted, then stepped back. He looked better off without the blush that only adds fuel to the fire in his stomach and concluded to try to brush off whatever just happened as if he wasn’t phased by what occurred. Easier said than done because he stepped out just as Minseok sunk to the ground in misery and concern flashed over him. 

 

“Woosu?”

 

The boy snapped his head up, face redder than a tomato, and Hyunjun felt a bit of sympathy knowing his face was better off after cooling down in the bathroom. He cleared his throat and swung the lantern. 

 

“Let’s go,”

 

Hyunjun headed further down the hallway and Minseok scrambled to stand up and drag his feet, trailing after the red head like a lovesick puppy. 

 

“Where are we going?” 

 

Hyunjun chose not to respond and took out something too small for Minseok to see properly as he hunched over the janitor’s closet. He was about to question what Hyunjun was doing before he heard a click and the door sprung open. Hyunjun stepped in and gestured for Minseok to follow him, switching the lights on, and waved his hand as if to tell him to close the door. 

 

Minseok did as asked, albeit hesitantly in his confusion, and a hum left his throat at a door entrance protruding from the broomsticks Hyunjun pushed aside in favor of unlocking it. The closet was, well, a closet; the expected tight space was even smaller than the previous photo booth so it was to no surprise the duo found themselves pressed against each other, except in this scenario Hyunjun had his back turned to Minseok. The latter stepped back because skin contact with the other only felt like a seering burn— a flashing pain much like accidentally touching a hot pan or an open oven. 

 

Hyunjun unlocked the door, and ascended upon a set of stairs too dark for the human eyes but slowed down at Minseok’s hesitance, blindly reaching for his hands to hold and guided the boy up the stairs. They made four more steps before Hyunjun opened another set of doors to acquaint Minseok with the night sky. The crescent moon hung low for a hi-five and wind travelled from afar to welcome Minseok, who could only gape at the beauty of his fear. But instead of a striking panic, he could only allow an undiscovered warmth to sink into his stomach like a stone when he felt his hand being squeezed reassuringly. 

 

Hyunjun stood near the edge of the rooftop fenced up for precautions in an area where he could see the lanterns lit from below but far back enough for the students to not be able to spot him. He felt around his back pockets, retrieved a lighter, and cupped the candle inside the lantern to block the wind from disrupting the flame. 

 

There was a minute left until the clock struck eight and the silence on the rooftop didn’t do much to pass the time; in fact, it was almost deafening to his ringing ears at being exposed to a different level of altitude. He could still hear the students counting down in unison from below, whistling and cheering, but it sounded like it was coming from a city away, similar to cafe background noises drowned in water and pitched down to the lowest volume. To Minseok, the rooftop felt like another dimension within an existing one— the timeline was aligned but a few chunks were not as clear. This place was made for Hyunjun. 

 

“So this is where you hang,” 

 

Hyunjun nodded, still keeping his gaze out to the commotion below. 

 

“How’d you find this place?” Curiosity got the best of him, so Minseok turned to face Hyunjun to search for a reaction, an expression— anything— from the boy. 

 

Hyunjun considered his answer, breathed in and out slowly, and responded.

 

“You won’t believe how many places I broke into,”

 

Minseok paused. “Do you know what’s behind the secret room in the drama department?”

 

“Nah,” Hyunjun shook his head. “Too many kids there and too much drama. Entering that place is like willingly walking into a death trap,”

 

Minseok could only nod in agreement, recalling that one year he participated in a musical production only to end up being a joke due to theatre kids who never learned to keep their mouths shut. He had shoved that specific event deep down to the turmoil where it belongs, and never stepped foot in an audition again. It was only thanks to Soojung that the news died down within a week of gossip. 

 

“But we can find out after the countdown. No one will be there,” 

 

Minseok beamed up at him, all signs of lingering awkwardness long gone. 

 

“Bet,”

 

Hyunjun let a smile slip onto his face, turning to face Minseok shortly before his attention diverted to the close call of the countdown. Ten, nine , he lifted his lantern. Eight, seven , Minseok lifted his. Six, five , they looked at each other. Four, three , the moonlight could never compare to the glow in Minseok’s eyes. Two, one , the same spark in Hyunjun’s eyes were far superior than the hundreds of flames in the sky. They both let go in delay, awaiting for the other lanterns to rise shortly before releasing theirs. Hundreds of lanterns decorated the night sky, parched in wishes and a beauty to the eyes; a universal light for the students who got along for one night. 

 

Somewhere inside Hyunjun’s heart, a piano key turned into a patterned sequence of music at the sight of the floating lanterns. It felt unreal and if Hyunjun breathed, even for a little bit, the feeling of utter happiness that ascended above the heavens and the galaxy would dissipate. A different trombone hummed, vibrating his ribs and up his lungs; a cymbal marched to every nerve in his body, and when he gazed upon Minseok, a cello thumped to the rhythm of his heartbeat. Minseok in a crop top and overalls with flowers in his curly hair and head tilted all the way up to the lanterns that flew higher and higher, lips softer than an angel’s wings, skin that glowed, and eyes that were much more bright and alive than the universe itself. Those same eyes now made its way back to him and Hyunjun was left star-struck. 

 

How one look left his mind reeling was something that was simply unexplainable by the universe. But it also left a craving that was within reaching distance and yet seemed so far away at the same time. Minseok could say the same under the night sky, movements still as he took in Hyunjun. The boy who would rather light gasoline on himself than voluntarily emit a friendship with strangers but yet took Minseok under his wings; the boy who was so incredibly soft but fooled others into believing otherwise; the boy who spoke through actions in his funeral outfit at a colorful event, baby breaths in his dyed fading hair; lips that expressed love; and eyes that danced with the flames. Looking at Hyunjun made him feel at ease in contrast to his heart colliding with his ribs. 

 

The pair was falling under the orange glow embedded in the mass of lanterns without realizing it. 

 

They made their way down to the first floor after the crowd had somewhat dispersed to find Soojung and Junyoung standing in the exact isolated spot. The two friends took in the sight of Hyunjun’s swollen lips (from biting on them earlier), Minseok’s disheveled curls (from burying his head in his hands), and the blushes painted across both their faces, and shared a knowing look when they made eye contact. Minseok’s phone buzzed.

 

junyoung T^T 

did yall just make out

Notes:

ayy next chp is even more Inch Resting and honestly the highlight i've been wanting to write ever since i started this iz fic . so . Look Forward . also pls leave some feedback/ur thoughts i would love to read ur guys feelings on this work bc im not very proud of it . once im finished with this series i'll prob continue one shots of other iz pairings

Chapter 6: halloween

Summary:

At the sight of the boy in a skirt— a skirt!— Hyunjun’s whole spirit diverged into four feral stages: a hyper-focus at his thighs, a griefing howl at Minseok’s entire figure that shaped the outfit itself, frustration that boiled to the brim of explosion at how good he genuinely looked, and the desire to crash his car into a nearby bridge to get away from said-boy and how he affected him with just one article of clothing.

Notes:

um . the angst is here and will continue onto the next chapter(s) . D:
also uhh tw / underaged drinking only for this chp

October easily is welcomed by students feigning ignorance to September’s existence through trees transforming into red and orange and the slight mist in the foggy air. Everyone was excited for October’s entrance because it meant one thing to look forward to: the holiday of Halloween night. Halloween was the one day students were allowed to undress from their school uniforms and into a different identity, creative or not depending on the individual, and this year’s Halloween happened to land on a Friday night; a perfect excuse to be out all day. But with October also came early exams and pop quizzes math teachers threw in to satisfy their sadism.

 

Sharing a literature class first thing in the morning with Minseok meant being able to catch up with materials he had put off until the last minute because Minseok was too nice and Hyunjun’s handwriting was terrifyingly illegible; it also meant sharing notes the other didn’t catch in class. Not that Hyunjun ever took proper notes in class; he had reserved that for nights on Sparknotes. Junyoung also happened to be in his chemistry class one row away, but it was of no use that by the end of every lecture Junyoung and he did not absorb a single thing taught. Soojung was insightful and intelligent— the top student as expected— in his history class. Don’t get Hyunjun wrong, he was interested in learning about how white people got away with everything, but there was a limit to his interests and one of which is learning how the government and courts worked. He would both intentionally and unintentionally space out and it is through Soojung’s typed up notes that he was able to understand the system. 

 

He used the free times that were spared in his work hours to study ahead by a week as much as he possibly can, and left the rest in hopes of whatever god out there heard his prayers. He managed to take one of his tests earlier than the set date with the excuse of having to care for his mom in the emergency, which was a lie his teacher ate up, to avoid having to fret over that class along with the others. He declined his friends’ requests for group studies and holed himself up in his room all week aside from his workshifts. 

 

He passed his exams with a low grade that was still considered passing but low enough to be one score short of an average grade— his highest score was the in-class short essay with one of the prompt choices being the very same topic he and Minseok worked on for their project two months back. He was entirely free of any future test anxieties for the next week after his back-to-back exams for all his classes, and planned to spend it writing new lyrics to his deadbeat song. 

 

And yet, here he sat on his carpet surrounded by masses of textbooks, his acoustic guitar on his lap, leaning against his drawer to inspect the curly head across from him scribbling reminders. Minseok was absolutely wrecked with an emotional spectrum from the range of a feral chimpanzee throwing objects to a distressed, wailing baby at three in the morning. One minute he was crying his eyes out at the amount of formulas he had to memorize and the next he felt like slamming his head into Hyunjun’s floorboard hard enough to put himself into a coma. Hyunjun was the one to witness all of that spawning in the ten minutes Minseok’s been working at it.

 

Hyunjun wasn’t the best at math, not horribly failing and still managing to pass with late homework credits, so he wasn’t exactly sure as to why Minseok abruptly showed up at his door bawling with a pile of studying materials on his day off. He could’ve gone to Soojung, who actually knew what he was doing, or studied with Junyoung since they shared the same class but he chose Hyunjun, who did not remember a single thing off his exams. But he couldn’t bring himself to complain seeing Minseok bunched up in a pink hoodie with short-shorts that exposed three-fourths of his thighs. 

 

What a disaster the two of them made as a pairing in this moment.

 

“I have done everything right, but I still somehow got an answer that is far off from the actual one,” Minseok showed Slader’s answer on his phone to Hyunjun. His answer was four digits more than the singular digit number. Hyunjun has been there before many times.

 

He looked down at Minseok’s messy equation. 

 

“Have you ever considered it’s because you used the wrong formula?”

 

“Wait what?” Minseok yanked his textbook closer. 

 

“But isn’t this an isosceles triangle?”

 

“The word problem literally says it’s a scalene,” Hyunjun pointed to the bolded term “scalene triangle”. Minseok could almost faint right about now. 

 

Hyunjun could feel Minseok practically rolling in his grave at their imminent silence, so he stretched back and gave a small push with his toes to Minseok’s knees. 

 

“Come on, take a breather. You’ll head to your deathbed soon if you keep this up,”

 

“I already am on my deathbed,” Minseok sulked and threw himself on Hyunjun’s bed. 

 

He turned to his side so he was facing the red head, faces so close Hyunjun didn’t dare to let out a breath. He strummed mindlessly to the same notes he had stuck in his head from the night of the school festival. He hummed a melody, not yet having lyrics to go along with it, and tapped his feet as a beat. Minseok laid in silence and stared at Hyunjun in wonder. 

 

The atmosphere contained an unknown weight that hung over the boys, who brushed over what happened between them underneath the lanterns. Something in their relationship shifted that night; it was difficult to pin down what exactly changed in their interactions and their emotions were nearly impossible to describe with words. The closest visual to how the two of them felt when their eyes landed on each other was the strawberry and mango swirl scene from Ratatouille , as silly as it sounds. 

 

Minseok ignored the harp playing in his chest in favor of pretending that things were just the way they are as usual; Hyunjun ignored the trombones in his ribs because acknowledging it would only lead to the confirmation that what happened was real. That these familiar emotions were real— ones that he should’ve gotten rid of the moment he felt them. Danger lurked nearby and Hyunjun wasn’t sure if he was prepared to confront that aspect.

 

Somewhere in the afternoons of soft acoustics and fleece blankets kissing their palms, Hyunjun ended up laying beside Minseok on the opposite end with both their heads parallel facing the ceiling, guitar abandoned. The dimmed sunlight from Hyunjun’s window sill highlighted Minseok’s curls splayed against the sheets. He looked like an absolute beauty in the sunlight— the kind that didn’t need any light source to glow on its own. In contrast, Hyunjun’s parted bangs were shaded by the arch of the roof tile. 

 

A comfortable silence washed over the two with the small radio quietly tuned into the jazz channel, and Minseok’s arm was bent over the top of Hyunjun’s head to reach over the other side, fingers twisting the ends of his hair. The red head didn’t mind one bit, relaxing into the other’s touch. 

 

“Hey Hyunjun?” Minseok’s whispers were breathy against the shell of his ears.

 

He hummed questioningly.

 

Minseok took an endless silence to continue what he dared to ask.

 

“Have you ever felt hot and cold at the same time?”

 

He itched to turn his head to look at Minseok, but knowing their faces would be inevitably close prevented him from doing so and instead chose to keep his focus on the ceiling. 

 

“How so?”

 

“I mean…” Minseok took a breath, eyes looking upward at the stars. “Have you ever felt incredibly warm, not physically but sort of… internally? You’re warm, but there’s a coldness to it,”

 

The first memory he thought of was the night he confessed his stash of secrets only to desperately try to stitch them back into his mouth, but reversing the damage was too late by then. The second thing he thought of was the sunset that had peaked in the silhouette of a boy walking away from the ice cream shop.

 

“Like coldness washing over you?”

 

He saw Minseok nod in his peripheral vision. He hummed his response as a confirmation, knowing he didn’t need to verbally chip in his response to get Minseok to understand. Between them, the silence lapsed in itself again before Hyunjun revived their conversation.

 

“Why the sudden question?” 

 

Minseok turned his head to face Hyunjun. He still kept his stare onto the ceiling.

 

“Nothing important… I’ve just been feeling this a lot these days,”

 

A hum. “Is that good or bad?”

 

Silence returned again. “I don’t know,”

 

Hyunjun tapped his foot repetitively against the head of his bed frame, arms hooked behind his head, eyes closed, and bathed in whatever sunlight he could get. On his other side, Minseok swung his legs that dangled off the end of his bed and continued playing with Hyunjun’s hair. This time, he chose to detangle the ends that he’s twisted. 

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Depends,” His answer was immediate and there was a pregnant pause before Hyunjun peaked over to Minseok, giving him silent permission to ask away.

 

“Do you miss your old home?”

 

Now that , Hyunjun was not expecting. He made it clear by the sudden pause in his movements, which didn’t fail to go unnoticed by the curly head. Minseok felt guilty and resorted with an apology on the tip of his tongue if he had trespassed on a sensitive topic, but Hyunjun interrupted him before he could get a word out.

 

“No,” His answer was short— a simple reject— but the sleepless nights he endeared and nostalgia of having what was once something he cherished hung over his reply. He swallowed on nothing.

 

“If I missed it, why would I leave?”

 

“Well…” Minseok continued carefully. “Sometimes people have to leave behind something they loved,”

 

And that he did, but staying in that same place with the constant humiliation, the death threats, and the violence did nothing to heal his corpse. He had to leave. 

 

“I had to leave,” His answer was vague, but Minseok could tell his next reply was either a hit-or-miss with a high chance of possibly offending Hyunjun. He debated for a moment whether he should leave the conversation hanging or not, but his innocent curiosity won over him.

 

“Why?”

 

If Minseok had seen the revolting disgust in response to his secret and the rumors that plagued everywhere he stepped foot onto— if he had seen what was once something Hyunjun had in control within his grasps transform into an uncontrollable truth then he would know why Hyunjun had to leave. The simplicity of the question, “Why?” felt heavy to Hyunjun’s ears but easily slipped out of Minseok’s mouth as if he was sipping on water. Minseok was anxious to see how Hyunjun would react.

 

“Let’s just say I did something I regret,” He finally turned over to meet Minseok’s eyes. It no longer contained the same spark underneath the lanterns— no, this one was hollow, cold, and so alike of the Hyunjun he met on the first day of school. Hyunjun’s stare bore into his, telling him to not press the topic even further. All Minseok could offer was an, “Okay,” and left it as is. 

 

Later on, the curly head ended up facetiming Soojung after relentless efforts to absorb the mathematical materials only to lead to nowhere close to how the formulas worked. Soojung taught him to the best of his ability through his low quality screen, offered a lunch period so he could make a cheat sheet for Minseok, and their study date ended with Minseok bidding goodbye at the front door. Hyunjun fell back on his bed, staring up at the three sets of photos printed on a vertical strip. The more he observed the last photo, the more the event felt like a sitcom that never happened— with the two of them staring at each other in an indescribable way. He picked up his guitar, photo strip laid out in front of him, and he strummed a forgotten melody of invisible trombones and piano keys.

Friday had descended upon them like a lifeguard vest to the students of honor rolls and failing scholars drowning in multiple arduous exams; Halloween was the only motivator to keep pushing past standardized tests that were complete bullshit and didn’t account different learning paces. Minseok passed his math exams with about the same grade as Hyunjun’s— a below average score but still passing either way— and Junyoung popped a bottle of apple cider in the middle of class right after his history papers were turned in as celebration, startling teachers into believing he was carrying an alcoholic beverage. And Soojung, well, he persisted with high scores enough to make every mother cry. 

 

It was a day to end the taxing week and Hyunjun honestly wanted to just spend it snuggled in his bed with the lights out and horror movies on his screen, but his friends appeared to have different plans. 

 

On the front steps outside of the main school building, Soojung had informed the youngins’ of a party invitation from one of the school treasurers, who he was on good terms with. The guy had his house all to himself for the night and invited students to the big house party, giving his address to all the treasurers with a hopeful expectancy that they would come. The four of them weren’t the party-goers themselves, preferring to stick together and go trick-or-treating the old fashioned way, but Soojung wanted to show support as he had helped him plenty in times of desperation. 

 

Hyunjun was ready to reject— no amount of empathy would make him miss out on a peaceful night to himself in favor of underaged crowds that stank of Axe and puke— but then Minseok interlaced their fingers and chimed in with a, “This party better be worth it,” leaving no space for further arguments.

 

And so he stood, looking into the bathroom mirror with dread in his eyes at the party he wasn’t looking forward to but still dressed to impress in a black high neck blouse with mesh sleeves he got when the mall at his old place was closing down, ankle pants he rarely wore, and boots that masked his actual height. He attached fake fangs that were flat at the top, so it won’t bulge his top lip, and threw in some fake blood from his mom’s red lipstick dripping down to his chin. He didn’t need much to look like a dead vampire; his blank expression was what sold it in place of makeup. 

 

It was a tradition between Junyoung and Minseok to dress each other up every Halloween at Minseok’s house— beforehand, everyone had sworn to keep their Halloween costumes a secret until they met up— so Hyunjun pulled up in Minseok’s driveway as promised around seven, arriving coincidentally at the same time as Soojung. His friend rounded the corner of his parked car and met Hyunjun in the middle of the driveway. Hyunjun eyed his outfit from head to toe in an all red one-piece with a pair of hair shears in his left hand and sandals. 

 

“Vampire? Lame,” Soojung commented, but his smile was amused in a light manner.

 

“You could say the same for yourself, devil,” Hyunjun stepped up to press on the half broken doorbell guarded by a witch decoration that lit every passing second. 

 

“I am not the devil. I’m Us ,” Soojung gestured to his one-piece. Hyunjun still did not understand the reference, blinking at him. 

 

“ Us ? The horror movie? Have you never watched it?”

 

Hyunjun didn’t get a chance to reply when the door sprung open with a black mass at the end of it. It was Junyoung, whose face was entirely painted black and white to the point where he was unrecognizable, adorned in a dark top hat and a long coat down to his legs. It was a beat of silence between the three— Junyoung waiting for their reaction and the pair trying to guess Junyoung’s costume. 

 

“Are you No-Face?” Soojung questioned at the same time Hyunjun went “No-Face?”.

 

“Does No-Face wear a top hat?” Junyoung deadpanned, finger aggressively pointing to his head. His shoulders deflated.

 

“Woosu made me into a shitty Babadook,” 

 

“Speaking of Woosu, where is he?” Soojung peered over Junyoung’s shoulder while Junyoung eyed his costume with furrowed eyebrows. 

 

“Fixing his skirt in his room. Are you supposed to be the red Teletubby or something?”

 

Light footsteps hounded around the short corridor and the flaring of a skirt slipped in the corner of Hyunjun’s peripheral vision. A pair of feet adorned in dark knee-high socks peaked out from the walls to tease the three boys at the doorway before a giggle erupted and Minseok stepped forth to the small area dividing the open-spaced living room and the kitchen. 

 

Hyunjun saw Minseok’s eyes drift over the others briefly in casualty but bore his stare into his with a smile hopeful for praises as if his opinion mattered most in the room. If anyone were to describe Hyunjun’s reaction as gawking at Minseok, he would stubbornly deny ever doing so behind the blank frontal look, eyes slipping over the boy’s figure, and lips pressed thin to convey that the costume was just a mere layered piece, but Minseok could spot how his fingers twitched and clammed into a fist that said otherwise and the same dazed look. 

 

At the sight of the boy in a skirt— a skirt!— Hyunjun’s whole spirit diverged into four feral stages: a hyper-focus at his thighs, a griefing howl at Minseok’s entire figure that shaped the outfit itself, frustration that boiled to the brim of explosion at how good he genuinely looked, and the desire to crash his car into a nearby bridge to get away from said-boy and how he affected him with just one article of clothing. 

 

Minseok flipped back the cheap dirty blonde wig he untangled to the best of his abilities without Junyoung’s help, side bangs clipped back with multiple bobby pins, and smoothed out his pleated skirt while approaching his friends. Hyunjun found he couldn’t breathe the closer Minseok stepped forward, so he backtracked outside to put a distance between him and the anime girl in front of him. 

 

“Woosu anime girl,” Junyoung chanted like he was hypnotized and Soojung blew out a breath in disbelief, pointed to Minseok’s legs, and exclaimed, “Did you shave your legs?” to which Minseok nodded proudly, extending his limb and unraveling his socks to say, “Feel them, they’re so smooth,”. All of this exchange happened in the second Hyunjun’s mind blanked out and he was only startled to reality when Minseok tugged at his sleeve and brought him inside the house once more. 

 

“Guys, wait up. Hyunjun here needs a makeover,” He dragged the vampire to his bedroom without looking back at the other two’s reactions. Junyoung simply rolled his eyes and called out a, “Aite, I’m going to steal your last Popart,” and Soojung followed him to the kitchen in search for a quick snack. 

 

Once inside, Minseok pushed Hyunjun to sit at the edge of his bed, grabbed a few makeup brushes and an eyeshadow palette he left on his desk, and returned to his attention. He beamed at the vampire, who couldn’t tear his eyes away from him like a moth to electrifying light, and, once again, sat in his lap like it was no big deal. 

 

“I’m going to add some dark eyeshadow to give you an even more dead look. Is that okay with you?” But the position he found himself in was too late and definitely too awkward for Hyunjun to reject, so he just nodded dumbly and stared at the colors Minseok was twirling his brush in. 

 

His first choice was a burgundy shade he traced lightly over the thin shape of his visible eyelids before applying more pressure to the area and fanned it out with black in a sort of drooped eyeliner. He tapped a shade lighter than the burgundy to Hyunjun’s eyebags, tongue sticking out in concentration, and Hyunjun shouldn’t have but he continued staring at Minseok’s lips in their close proximity. He took note of Minseok’s light makeup that appeared natural to how he usually looked, except enriched in light tones from the shade of pink lip tint that sat underneath his lip gloss to the peach tone around his eyes and blush on his cheeks. 

 

His eyes trailed after the tiny rise of Minseok’s chest, his skirt that fanned out against Hyunjun’s pants, his legs that were just astonishing to the eyes, and the wig that surprisingly fit Minseok in spite of the cheap material and frizzed up strands he couldn’t fix. He held tightly onto the bed sheets even after Minseok left his lap to fetch a tube of red lipstick and tapped the color against his ring finger. 

 

If Hyunjun thought his emotions were going berserk at the skirt, it showered itself in raging screams when Minseok smeared the red against his lips messily and left some streaks to stain outside of his lips. His lips were puffy and stained like he just went through an intense hour of a makeout session, and Minseok leaned back to stare at his work with his thumb still grazing Hyunjun’s bottom lip. Hyunjun couldn’t tell if he was deliberately doing it to rile him up or if he was just oblivious of his actions.

 

“All done!” He tapped Hyunjun’s cheeks lightly but made no move to get up from his lap and cradled his face in his hands. He is going to be the cause to my death was what Hyunjun thought, letting Minseok have a few more minutes at the staring contest before he heaved him to the side of the bed and walked out of the room with Minseok excitedly holding his hands.

 

The four friends decided to carpool in Soojung’s car, leaving Hyunjun’s in the driveway, after a round of rock paper scissors, and the short destination to the house party luckily took less than thirty five minutes. What was unlucky though was the issue with finding parking space on the dead-end street crowded with cars parked even on lawns themselves. Soojung u-turned so many intersecting roads that it was only a matter of time frustration would take place in addition to having to stop in alarm every ten seconds due to kids dashing across streets to collect candy from door-to-door. After twenty minutes, he managed to miraculously squeeze parallel in between two trucks hosting groups of underaged teens, who shouldn’t have been as drunk as they were, and prayed to whatever god that will take pity on him to not get caught with a parking ticket. 

 

The house itself was massive on top of giant lawns that were well taken care of and shrubs properly trimmed into ovalish shapes, two stories high and looked as if it could shelter twenty adults. Students were dressed to reveal and impress— Hyunjun could only take seeing that many guys and girls with their chests out before he quickly headed straight into the kitchen with Minseok behind his tail in dismissal of the stares and quirk of lips from girls who took interest. He observed the food table to see what was safe to eat— the only food left untouched was the humongous bowl of salad, otherwise everything in this house was tainted with grubby hands. Soojung was outside taking his time to greet the host and Junyoung somehow got a hold of a soda can, sipping on it and bumping shoulders with everyone because he wasn’t one to dodge first. 

 

Hyunjun already hated it here; few girls, who were probably in the same friend group, had the nerve to rub arms with him or flirt their way through the crowd and had only disbanded under his heated glare. Minseok didn’t seem to be enjoying the party any less than Hyunjun and anxiously cupped the behind of his skirt whenever they crossed a group of drunk boys. He still held onto Hyunjun’s hand though, and didn’t seem to have any plans to let go soon, so Hyunjun dispersed through crowds in hopes of finding a corner to stick himself in. Junyoung trailed behind as they lounged through the giant living room and entered what looked to be another living room except more narrow in size and completed with a pool table as well as air hockey. They traveled through long hallways, quickly turning around when they realized some doors were locked for privacy reasons with some couples making out in the hallway. 

 

Hyunjun could only breathe out heavily through his nose, pessimistic with how the night was going five minutes into this dump. Minseok didn’t have much to say to comfort the boy and immediately felt guilty for bringing him here. He turned to his left to look at Soojung, whose popularity breached in forms of girls giggling and saying hi to their school president. The boy could only politely greet back and offered a small smile to Minseok as if apologizing for how the night was turning out. They’ve wandered through about eight rooms now excluding the bedrooms upstairs for obvious reasons; it was when they reached a corridor with glass as walls leading to the backyard impossibly larger than the front lawn that Minseok grabbed Junyoung’s hand and dragged him behind. Soojung and Hyunjun paused to quirk eyebrows at them in confusion. 

 

“I saw a couple snacks back in the kitchen. Me and Junyoung will fetch them for you guys, just, uhh…” He looked behind them and pointed to the pool with some kids swimming, stripped of their costumes. “Just wait out there,”

 

The pair did as told, only leaving after they had watched Minseok and Junyoung descend down the corridor to an isolated spot right by the unnecessarily large quantities of pool tables and chairs for a single house sheltering three children and two parents. Then again by the looks of it, the wealthier side of the neighborhood loved to fill in empty spaces with unnecessary decorations. Soojung dragged his feet behind him, heels scratching the surface, and hands dug deep into his two pockets. 

 

“I’m sorry about tonight,” 

 

Hyunjun was never mad at Soojung in the first place, but seeing how Soojung looked at him with the utmost sincerity in his apology made him taken back with guilt for showcasing his irritation so evidently. He shook his head to dismiss Soojung’s apology without being rude about it, and offered a small smile to convey like-so. 

 

“It’s not your fault,” He took a sigh and roamed his eyes over the teens who thought it would be funny to splash water everywhere on the dry surfaces. “It’s just parties aren’t really my thing. Sorry if I ruined the mood for you guys,”

 

For the first time that night, he realized he failed to consider the others’ feelings on this party. He let his distaste for social gatherings, mainly due to his anxiety, affect the others in an irritable manner.

 

“Nah, you’re cool. Parties aren’t really our thing either, so the besties are just as overwhelmed as you. I think this is the first party where we’re together that’s outside of family holidays and birthdays,” 

 

“Oh yeah?” Hyunjun crossed his arms and leaned against the glass fences that enwrapped the backyard sort of into a bubble. “What do you guys usually do on Halloween?”

 

“We head downtown to the richer neighborhoods to scrap all the good candies. Sometimes we stop by the convenience store to get cheap popcorn and nachos and then we head back to watch a scary movie at either of our houses,” Soojung picked at his nails, posture more relaxed now that the two of them were talking.

 

“We mainly head to Woosu’s house though because he actually has Netflix. He never remembers his password,” He chuckles fondly, thinking back to the times Soojung has had to use Putlocker or 123Movies to find a film of their choice when Minseok couldn’t log into his Netflix. 

 

Hyunjun hummed. That would’ve been nice for today . 

 

“Speaking of which, wanna head back after they fetch our snacks? We can technically ditch this party now that I’ve greeted the treasurer at the door. He won’t even know we’re gone,” 

 

Hyunjun nodded, smiling gently at the offer. 

 

“Please, let’s get out of here,” 

 

Perhaps it was the slight desperation in his tone or they were both drunk off the smell of booze in the air that made Soojung let out a laugh at his response, hand grabbing Hyunjun’s crossed arms to balance himself. They exchanged a pleasant conversation that might’ve been awkward at first as they were usually the quieter ones in the group compared to Junyoung and Minseok’s eccentric energy but soon evolved into a more natural relationship while getting to know the other. Soojung was the initiator, bringing up topics as far as they go, asking Hyunjun what type of films he likes and has seen, whether he believes Stranger Things deserves the hype it has– 

 

( “Season one deserves it, but the rest of the seasons weren’t as interesting to me,” 

 

“Ohh, you’re going to have a field on that the moment Junyoung finds out. He loves the show to death,” )

 

–his opinion on pineapple pizza– 

 

( “Why would you willingly eat fruit on pizza?”

 

“Because sweet and salty hits different. Also, tomatoes are fruits and they’re on pizzas,”

 

“They are considered fruits technically, but you don’t see anyone putting them in fruit salads,” )

 

–and what type of horror film he’d like to watch once they get home. They hadn’t realized about an hour passed into the conversation before Soojung pulled out his phone that was filled with spams and three missed calls from Junyoung in their group chat in alarming messages. 

 

minion with hair

uhhh guys 

 

minion with hair

i think i just lost woosu

 

minion with hair

lmao finally

 

minion with hair

jk but srsly tho i cant find him anywhere

 

minion with hair 

help

 

minion with hair

ive searched the two living rooms

 

minion with hair

n the other hallways

 

minion with hair

hes not here???

 

minion with hair

yall pick up

 

minion with hair

(3 missed calls)

 

Hyunjun and Soojung shared a look at each other in concern before a hand smacked straight into the center of Soojung’s back. Junyoung looked disheveled with his top hat drooping forward in the brink of collapsing and the paint on his face was beginning to wear off from his excessive sweating in the crowded rooms. His long black coat wasn’t certainly helping. 

 

“Why didn’t you pick up my calls?” He panted out.

 

“Where’s Woosu?”

 

“Did you not read my texts? Because I quite clearly don’t know either, man,” 

 

Soojung took off in the direction back inside with Junyoung and Hyunjun trailing behind, mumbling “How did you lose him?” and Junyoung replied back with a, “I don’t know, man. I stepped out to fetch the snacks and Woosu went to handle the beverages,” 

 

They stopped at the end of the corridor that split into three different directions. 

 

“Okay,” Soojung breathed out. “I’ll check the crowded living rooms to see if he’s there, and if not, I’ll stay in case he ends up wandering back. I’ll ask around,” 

 

“I’ll check the other unused rooms,” Junyoung hitched a thumb pointing to his right.

 

“Upstairs for me,” Hyunjun said, already heading towards where the stairs were located. 

 

“Make sure to text in the group chat once you find him!” Soojung yelled out as Hyunjun retreated further away. He waved a hand to let the other know he had heard him and climbed up the steps as quickly as his legs allowed, avoiding the couples who didn’t know how to make way. 

 

He first checked the bedrooms even if it was less likely that Minseok was in there judging by the moans that sounded once he rattled the doorknobs. He continued onto a big room that stored artifacts encased in impenetrable glass and finding no curly head there besides for one girl who flung back in surprise and pretended she wasn’t secretly making out with one of the choir boys by the cushions. Hyunjun slammed that door shut without sparing another glance at the two miserable individuals. 

 

He checked the closets, storage spaces, rattled on some locked doors and called out “Minseok?” only receiving grunts or no responses whatsoever, and even leaned down the balcony to see if he can spy a boy dressed as an anime school girl. But it was to no avail, wishing he can bleach his eyes when he accidentally opened an unlocked door to a half-naked couple hurriedly scurrying under the covers. He hadn’t bothered to shout out an apology and instead locked the door for them before slamming it shut in irritation. 

 

The last room he descended upon was what appeared to be a bathroom. It was a spacious one at that with blue-green lights on, and he was cautious of accidentally intruding upon another person when he heard a round of laughter and four different voices talking at once. The conversation took a halt when he stepped in. And right in between two boys, whom Hyunjun recognized to be on the football team, was Minseok with his legs curled in and hugging his knees. His head was resting back against the cold tiles, and he looked out of it with half-focused vision and the bangs of the wig had fallen off and into his eyes from their pins. He, and the other four strangers, were sitting in what appeared to be a huge flat bathtub installed into the ground with empty beer cans trashed around. 

 

“Suhh dude,” the boy on the right side of Minseok with an arm around his shoulders greeted. He was clearly high if his slur, red eyes, and the smell of weed in the air didn’t give it away. 

 

“You here to take a piss?” 

 

“No,” Hyunjun didn’t bother elaborating on his answer, carefully stepping closer to Minseok who appeared to be half-awake. 

 

“Ah shit. I need to take a piss,” the boy groaned out and brought his arm back to his chest. 

 

“Bro, then take a piss. The toilet’s over there,” the guy across from him chuckled out. Everything seems funny when you’re high. 

 

“I don’t think I have legs to do that,” he gestured to his legs spread straight out. “I think they’re gone, bro,”

 

“Where’d they go, bro?”

 

“They ran off somewhere,” 

 

That erupted laughter around the four friends complete with snorts and choked breaths. Meanwhile, Hyunjun crouched down at eye level with Minseok to hopefully gain some type of response. He ushered out, “Minseok? Minseok?” about four times before the boy finally snapped his eyes wide open and slowly turned to where he heard his voice. His beaming smile appeared the moment his brain clicked that it was Hyunjun after a three second delay. 

 

“Hyunnie~ you’re here,” he called out. He practically climbed over the stranger and easily wrapped his arms around Hyunjun’s neck, given he was still kneeling by the bathtub. 

 

“I missed you so much,” Minseok dug his nose into Hyunjun’s neck, luckily covered by his high-neck shirt. He wasn’t sure if he could handle the boy’s hot breaths against his exposed skin. 

 

Hyunjun actively avoided bringing his hands to the boy’s waist and instead wrapped around his ribs, steadying him into a standing position, but the boy stumbled even closer leaving no space between their bodies. He clutched onto Hyunjun like a life jacket in the midst of deep bodies of water. 

 

“Minseok,” he called out. He took a step back and the boy stepped forward again. 

 

“Hyunnie, I got you apple juice,” He hiccuped, albeit it was quiet and small. 

 

“I… I got you apple juice, and Junyoung and Jihoo. Do you like apple juice, Hyunnie?” He peered up at Hyunjun with stars in his eyes and lips even more red possibly due to his body temperature. 

 

He didn’t stink of the typical heavy and thick alcoholic smell— it was more of a tropical fruity scent like mangos and pineapples— but Hyunjun has had enough experiences involving alcohol, seeing as his mother is a bartender, to know Minseok was drunk off his ass. Perhaps, it wasn’t to a huge extent to result in a heavy hangover, but enough for a tiny headache the next morning. He wasn’t certain on Minseok’s drinking capacity, but judging by the three red cups that were previously around his feet, he can assume the boy was a lightweight. 

 

“Yes, I like apple juice,” 

 

Minseok smiled and shut his eyes, letting out a breath of relief, before he pouted up at Hyunjun. 

 

“I think I drank your apple juice though. Are you mad at me?” 

 

The four strangers seemed amused at Minseok’s behavior much like Hyunjun was, although for different reasons, and saw his clinginess as a form of entertainment for them. They quieted down to observe the two, and Hyunjun dipped his voice lower so only Minseok could hear, not appreciating the attention he was getting.

 

“No, I’m not mad. You drank apple juice?”

 

Minseok hummed in satisfaction, murmuring under his breath about how apples were such a delight to drink, as Hyunjun navigated them towards the exit. 

 

“It was red– wait no, it was pink. Pink red. Like an apple,” he hiccuped once again. 

 

“Hey pretty boy,” the boy dressed as a mummy called out. “Are you guys dating?”

 

“Woaahhh, guys dating? No way,”

 

“Yes way, dude. Look at them,”

 

“We’re not–“ Hyunjun stopped himself short, unbothered to engage with the strangers. He just needed to find the others and get Minseok home safely— also hopefully figure out just what exactly Minseok put in his system. 

 

“Are we dating?” Minseok slurred while Hyunjun removed his suffocating arms to steer him in the direction of the door. They made it through the exit, door swinging shut, with Hyunjun saying, “No, we’re not,”

 

Minseok looked a bit sullen, pout emerging from his trembling bottom lip, and all Hyunjun could do was steer him against the wall for balance and reached into his pocket to inform the others that he found Minseok. 

 

The action of typing letters to form a message proved to be difficult by a giant man-child dressed as a girl clinging to his every body part and forcing him into an embrace. Minseok wanted Hyunjun’s attention solely to himself instead of the lit-up device, whining incoherent sentences and butchering words. 

 

me

wait for me outside the front entrance. i’ve got him

 

“Hyunnie, who are you texting?” He moved his giant head to look over at Hyunjun’s screen, huffing at the bangs in his eyes. 

 

“Junyoung and Jihoo. We were looking for you,” Hyunjun pocketed his phone after receiving responses from the two and attempted to get Minseok to cooperate in walking beside him. Instead, the boy shifted against the wall causing his skirt to ride further up to reveal his bare thighs, and that was what startled Hyunjun into grabbing his arms to steady him into a somewhat straight position. His foot was stepped on five times in the process of getting him to walk.

 

“Why? I was just–“

 

Hiccup. 

 

“–in the bathroom,”

 

“You were gone for an hour,” 

 

Minseok’s feet seemed to like stepping on Hyunjun’s because his foot loomed over the other for every step he took; Hyunjun managed to side-step in time for Minseok’s feet to crash into the carpet beneath. 

 

Minseok gasped in shock. “An hour?”

 

“Yes,” 

 

This won’t do. At this rate by the time they reach the front door, it will probably pass into daytime. Hyunjun paused in his steps and crouched in front of Minseok, back bent over. He turned his head to look at the boy, who stared at him in confusion and amusement. To Minseok’s drunken state, it looked like Hyunjun was pretending to be a leaping frog.

 

“Minseok, get on my back. I’ll carry you,”

 

Minseok wrapped his arms and legs around the boy slowly, and Hyunjun stood up shaking like a leaf at the added weight. He adjusted his gripping— deathly ignoring the fact that his hands were holding onto Minseok’s thighs— and proceeded to walk downstairs. The party was not so loud as his thumping heart that was further triggered for each breath that landed near his ears.

 

“Am I your princess?”

 

Hyunjun almost choked on his breath when the words were whispered directly into his ears and whipped his head around. He was about to respond but decided against it as the crowd was too rambunctious to be properly heard.

 

Soojung and Junyoung were huddled by one of the trimmed shrubs when they spotted the vampire and his anime girl slumped against his back, still awake but barely hanging on. They approached to take a look at Minseok, who grinned upon seeing them.

 

“My friends~ how are you?” He hiccuped, seemingly flustered at his body’s respiratory movement compared to when he was with the red head, and dug his face into the area between Hyunjun’s shoulder blades and his neck. 

 

Junyoung chuckled and thumped his finger onto Minseok’s head with a, “You’re drunk, buddy. How does it feel?” meanwhile Soojung inserted “Where did you find him?” in concern at his drunken state.

 

“I found him in the bathroom with a bunch of jocks— two I recognized to be on the football team— high off their asses. I can only assume Minseok got drunk because of them,” He lifted Minseok upwards to adjust his grip, arms beginning to ache, and walked to the neighborhood they had parked in. In the background, Junyoung was having fun holding a conversation with Minseok. 

 

“How much did he drink?”

“About three cups, I think. Not sure what he took though,” 

 

The night dragged by and within thirty minutes they were able to locate Soojung’s car that had a few toilet rolls entangled in the front windshield by small delinquents around middle-school age, vanishing at the sight of Babadook running at them. Junyoung had a laugh about it afterwards as Soojung tutted that he, too, would run if he saw Junyoung running at him in the dark. 

 

Junyoung ended up taking the passenger seat because Minseok refused to unattach his hold from Hyunjun, afraid he’ll “get away” according to his drunken fear; Soojung reversed, tipping the iceberg with the near bump, before he tracked down to Minseok’s house. It was around nine or ten when they pulled in Minseok’s driveway— Junyoung had texted both from his phone and Soojung’s to message their parents of their whereabouts and that they will be staying over at Minseok’s for the night.

 

Minseok had somewhat fallen asleep somewhere along the trip, slightly drooling on Hyunjun’s shoulder, after he was interrogated by the red head about what he had drunk. Their conversation went astray a few times with Minseok mumbling something along the lines of how he thinks Hyunjun should’ve been a cat for Halloween or how pretty he looks with (fake) blood in his mouth only for Hyunjun to unbudge from his main question— “Minseok, what did you drink?”— in which Minseok responded, “Strawberry and apple juice. Oh look, a kitty,”. 

 

So the safest bet was to let Minseok sleep through his slumber on his side to avoid choking in plausible vomit later on, and feed him water and Aspirin in the morning. Soojung and Junyoung helped distract Minseok’s mother and persuaded her to return to her bedroom while Hyunjun slipped past with her intoxicated son on his back to his bedroom. He placed the boy as gently as his twig-like arms could manage in strength, placed a pillow against his back to prevent him from rolling, and headed to leave when he felt a hand clasp around his wrist. 

 

Minseok resisted from caving into sleep, squinting his eyes open and whining protests of “Don’t go, Hyunnie,” that raised in volume the more he protested. Hyunjun raised his index finger to his lips to shush Minseok, and lightly stroked his curls to soothe the clingy boy with the wig discarded on the pillow next to him. 

 

“Hyunnie, hot,” Minseok reached a hand to tug at the collared shirt he wore, nearly ripping the buttons and all Hyunjun could do was revert his eyes and turned his head into the opposite direction, flustered that Minseok was so bold to strip himself in front of Hyunjun. He could hear the shirt shuffling against the sheets and socks being pulled off with impatience— he was going to die tonight, he just knows it. 

 

It felt inappropriate to dress Minseok himself with the boy laid so bare in his bed because the genuine consent of sober Minseok wasn’t given; he thought of calling in Soojung or Junyoung to cover the boy up in his stead and just as he was about to stand up to leave again, he was tugged down and fell on top of Minseok with his elbows propped on either side his body. The intoxicated boy giggled at Hyunjun’s shocked expression, finding the situation amusing and wrapped his legs around Hyunjun’s twisted waist to trap him in the position. Hyunjun felt his heart drop to his ass at the realization at a very naked boy with only a skirt on had wrapped his bare legs around him, not the least bit shy at their suggested position while puckering his lips playfully, and his cheeks heated up as he tried to remove himself from his position. Where Minseok got his sudden strength from, Hyunjun didn’t know, but he tugged Hyunjun down again and in shock, Hyunjun lost his footing and dived straight down. 

 

Straight down onto Minseok’s lips.

 

His reaction was a bit delayed when he found himself lip-to-lip with the curly head, who froze and stared back with wide eyes. He felt his breath catch in his throat and it was too hot in here, too hot for his liking, and he felt walls pressing up against him when he shot up, apology on his lips, and saw Minseok’s reaction. The boy looked like he was a deer in the headlights and suddenly Hyunjun couldn’t read Minseok, but judging by his furrowed eyebrows and how his arms went limp against Hyunjun’s neck, shell shocked at what just transpired, he perceived it as a sign of disgust. 

 

Hot flashes went against his temple and he found himself in a memory of the cold rain as a pair of lips pressed against his and then a jerk, a hit in exclamation of “What the fuck, man,” and he scrambled away in fear of the boy. His “I’m sorry‒ shit, I’m sorry,” rolled off his tongue but the damage was already done and he felt the humiliation and the pang of shame shoot him in the chest when angry eyes bore into his, and all he could do was repeat a mantra of apologies as he slipped into the pouring rain and away from the warmth of the car. He needed to scrub his tongue clean of the very sinful action he wasn’t supposed to commit, a desire to shred it raw with any hard surfaces, but what was done was done. No take backs, no apology was heard, just his lust that willfully brought attention to the table. A very accidental lust he couldn’t contain, rushing out like a damn flooding. 

 

He was so stupid, so stupid to let a mistake repeat itself, and he fell from the bed in a hurried panic and shoved his way out away from his friend and careless of the ruckus he was making in his attempt to get away. Everything passed by in a blur and he remembered a face here and there and voices that were in the distance of “What happened?” and “You okay?”, and he just wanted to get away. He shoved the bodies that were close to his, hands flying back, and just rushed out and into his car. The next thing he remembers is barging through his bedroom door in anger and deceit and everything was too much; his lungs were restricted and the trombones and piano keys that once played around Minseok’s presence became an orchestra of screeching violins only he could perceive and he screamed. He screamed into his pillow, pushed against his face in a hopeful suffocation to end the night there, his body jerked as vivid memories crashed into his system, and he blacked out still in his boots, body abruptly going limp. 

 

The night continued into an unrestful slumber. 

Chapter 7: barely breathing

Summary:

But seeing his reflection from the kitchen sink had only manifested the fact that everything was real— that he was still existing only barely.

Notes:

tw for descriptions of homophobic attacks and slurs

Waking up without a complete memory intact was something Minseok never expected to experience at his age, and with that a small pounding in his head that barely scratched the surface in what was considered an unbearable headache. It was slightly irritating at best and Minseok thanked the heavens not knowing what he did last night. It wasn’t until Junyoung barged into his room without knocking, panic in his tone, while Minseok downed the Aspirin that his fight-or-flight mode kicked in. 

 

Junyoung said nothing else, only shoving his bright phone into Minseok’s face. There was a new post uploaded onto the school webpage for students designed to alert incoming school events as well as a section for anonymous posting— it contained a caption “look who it is” and two low quality group pictures below. Minseok thought nothing odd of the pictures at first, it was simply a group of friends dressed in matching costumes, but the second picture was zoomed in onto the two figures in the background holding hands. He could recognize that figure anywhere and the red hair that was slightly slicked back over the high-neck shirt. It was a picture of him and Hyunjun holding hands when they had first arrived at the party. 

 

His initial reaction was nothing much— that was until he scrolled further down to see the massive gossip on the endless thread of Hyunjun’s dating allegations. A football player fueled the fire of the dating rumors by posting a picture of Minseok sat in between two of his friends in a crude bathroom, saying he first-hand witnessed Minseok’s boyfriend come to fetch him out of their hanging spot and other boastings of how he got Minseok “lit up” and “buzzed”. 

 

But what was the most fueling was an anonymous comment attached under his reply with screenshots and links of past scandals from a different high school. The bolded posts of slurs and direct violence against a boy by the name of Lee Hyunjun; the stock entertainment being videos of harassment in locker rooms, the cafeteria, and an outside environment behind the school building was enough to make Minseok’s heart drop, mind zipping a million thoughts and emotions per second yet processing none of them. The highlighted replies were filled with past reactions to Hyunjun’s outed sexuality and screenshots of a boy’s post, who claimed he was once Hyunjun’s best friend and that he was constantly lusted after. To back up his claims, he went into details about how he was forced into a kiss that he aggressively fought back and other stories of the times he hung with Hyunjun because he thought he was a “cool guy”. He perpetrated himself as the victim, having fallen into the hands of a predator— a gay one no less— with friends on his sports team to back him up. 

 

Lee Hyunjun, the same red head he knew now, had escaped a past of betrayal and violence at the hands of his friends into this new school, new city, and new home only to be met with the same faith as of today. Minseok wanted to vomit from the atrocious comments; Junyoung could only offer a tight lip just as Soojung stepped into the room with a face that said he had seen it all. 

 

There was a silence between the trio— Junyoung’s phone was laid on the bed with the screen still open. Minseok couldn’t bear seeing anymore evidence of the repercussions Hyunjun faced for a single accidental kiss to someone he dearly considered a best friend. 

 

Junyoung was the first to break the silence.

 

“Woosu,” he breathed out slowly. 

 

Minseok slowly turned to look at him at the mention of his name.

 

“Do you remember what happened last night?”

Hyunjun awoken to something preserving its presence on his face; that was the first thing he felt upon opening his sticky eyes. His hand dabbed at his cheeks and came in contact with a wetness that could only be his dried tears and smeared dark eyeshadow from last night’s makeup he forgot to take off. After all, he did pass out thrashing in his bed with a scratchy scream. 

 

His pillow was stained with red and black smudges, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not when there was a heavy monster sitting on his chest. It was invisible, that Hyunjun knew, but he could still feel its claws digging into his flesh and past his running blood that froze at the contact, through his esophagus and into his spine. Waking up also meant awakening his brain, which didn’t hesitate to project unwanted memories of last night’s event from the snippets of sneaking Minseok into his bed to landing on him with a kiss.

 

He wasn’t aware that his body automatically started crying until he tasted saltiness past his lips and onto his tongue and he sagged forward, pulling at his hair for the physical pain to overtake the burden he had placed upon himself. He laid there for an hour, two hours, three hours until he fought to roll over and check the time. There was about ten minutes left until school started, but Hyunjun had no intentions of going. Not today.

Minseok stared at the empty seat next to his. He didn’t know what he expected, certainly not for Hyunjun to show himself openly on campus anytime soon, but he was still haught with worry upon seeing the empty seat as the last bell rang. The lectures started but none of it was as prominent as the stares he received from the students in the front rows and the whispers that nagged at his brain. He could care less about them; he just wanted to see Hyunjun and itched to check up on him. He scratched at the wooden edges of his desk, leg shaking, and he replayed the conversation earlier. 

 

“Do you remember what happened last night?”

 

Minseok could only shake his head and his confusion was brought out in an insecure, “Why? Did something happen?”

 

Junyoung lifted his stare to Soojung, silently directing his senior friend to tell in his stead. Soojung got the message right away. 

 

“We don’t exactly know what happened between you and Hyunjun,” he paused, giving himself some time to formulate his words. “You were drunk and he helped sneak you into your bedroom without your mom noticing. Me and Junyoung were in the living room, setting up a movie to watch when Hyunjun came storming out. He was in a daze and... he lashed out at us when we confronted him to ask what happened,” 

 

Minseok took that in, trying to remember from the small, out of sequence snippets of the memories he had. Trying to piece together his memory was like being given a piece of a puzzle from different sides of the whole picture one at a time. His patience was running thin. 

 

“He left in his car and we came into your bedroom only to see you…” Soojung vaguely gestured with his fingers at Minseok’s body. “...with just your skirt on. You were passed out before we could question it,” 

 

Minseok could only stare at Soojung. He couldn’t provide an answer to solve whatever had happened in the bedroom, no matter how desperate he was to fill in the darkness with at least some exposure. 

 

“If it eases your mind, I don’t believe any… unwarranted sexual activity happened between you guys. God forbid that would happen to you, or else he’d never see a peak of living again,” Soojung let out a tiny chuckle to lighten the atmosphere, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “But… something else happened. Something that made Hyunjun react that way…” 

 

“Did you accidentally kiss him or something?” Junyoung bluntly asked. Soojung tutted at him with a sharp, “Junyoung!” to which he deadpanned at. 

 

“What? We all know they’re practically boyfriends,” 

 

Soojung let out a short-cutted sigh. “That is a possibility but we can’t be sure about it until Woosu regains his memories. Would a kiss really trigger him to that extent of lashing out though?” 

 

“Well, triggers can be anything for anyone, even a small insignificant thing to others,” Junyoung pointed out. 

 

“I’m still here, you guys,” Minseok said into thin air.

 

“Okay, and?” Junyoung cut in. His eyes drifted, deep in thought over something in that small brain of his, before he continued. 

 

“What if you weren’t the one to kiss him, but he was the one who accidentally kissed you? He blames himself, so that’s why he stormed out,” 

 

“If that is the case then we need to check up on him fast,” Soojung said tiredly. “These rumors are going to last for a long time,”

 

An hour into his class schedule, Minseok’s brain was able to output more forgotten memories, piecing it together as best as he can. So far from the picture, he had gathered that he sought to get beverages back to his friends in an attempt to lighten the mood from the overwhelming party only to be trapped in between four boys that he’s never seen before. They were all clearly intoxicated with a hint of having consumed drugs beforehand, and he remembers one of them putting an arm around his shoulders and dragging him upstairs while engaging in a friendly conversation, in which Minseok did not participate. He was still carrying the four cans of sodas he found in a cooler box in the second living room and then there was a blur in between him trying to escape the situation and having landed himself drunk off his ass in the bathroom. 

 

There was a possibility of pressure into drinking alcoholic beverages that he must’ve mistook for apple cider from the four strangers, what for Minseok could not tell aside for their own entertainment into coaxing someone into drinking. He caught a glimpse of a voice calling out to him and then he saw Hyunjun’s face hovering over him in concern. He remembers Hyunjun’s body heat against him and the feeling of being taken off his feet, and his heart was just as drunk as his physical body, sweating like crazy at just having Hyunjun near him. Hyunjun with his shaded eyes and lips that begged for a kiss, as red as Minseok’s flushed cheeks. 

 

Whatever had happened between them, he should fix it as soon as possible knowing it could never be Hyunjun’s fault. Not after seeing what kind of person his ex-best friend made him out to be, perpetuating a predatorial title that encouraged homophobic violence towards him. Definitely not the one who has been nothing but kind to him and never crossed his boundaries. 

 

“Let’s just say I did something I regret,” And Hyunjun turned to look at him. 

 

So, when lunch time arrived, he dashed to their designated hang-out spot away from crowded stares and asked, “Can I borrow your school keys?” to Soojung. Soojung entrusted Minseok with the ring of keys without hesitation. He could only quietly say, “You know where Hyunjun is?”. Minseok nodded and with that conversation settled, he rushed to the janitor’s closet in the fourth floor of the art department, ran up the steps, and pushed at the rooftop entrance. 

 

It was empty, void of the one person he was looking for. That gave him the confirmation that at least Hyunjun is safe at home for now, not having to worry about him being on school grounds. With a click of his heels, he turned around. 

It was around late afternoon when he picked up his phone after having passed out from his morning cry. His fingers slid past the spams of notifications— the earliest messages being from both Soojung and Junyoung, who had contacted him outside of the group chat, and the recent ones belonging to the one name he would rather not think about. He checked the weather and other uneventful apps before he saw a spam text that was mass-sent to every student within the school district. It contained a link and while usually he would delete spam, the words included in the URL was a familiar name of an old place.

 

No, no, no, no was all his mind could rush out. He saw bolded slurs before he could even close the link and his old high school pictures taken from a yearbook. He saw the comments and the screenshots and the videos— videos of the aftermath of his confession of his head being slammed and body dragged to the filth, and the laughter that looped to every push he took, every spit, every derogatory term that tarnished his mind and carved itself into his body. The words may be years old but it still left a mark by the faded scars. 

 

His brain rewinded and for the first time today he felt that anger surge, and he pushed it away because being numb was better than having emotions to further hurt him but the ringing in his ears was too much. And the anger overtook. Bed sheets crumpled away from his bed as he gritted his teeth to repress the scream that would only scratch his throat, pillows were thrown off, and he cried. He cried until his eyes stung and the screams became uncontrollable wails and he sobbed into his sheets with a trail of drool down his chin. 

 

This was his new home and his new bed, a chance at a new life, and new friends he did not want to lose but by the looks of it, he had already fucked it up with Minseok. Soojung and Junyoung have been friends with Minseok for years— it was no doubt they would take his side instead of Hyunjun’s during this mess. Minseok deserved to be protected away from Hyunjun, away from the one person who had created this mess in the first place. He wouldn’t want to be tied to a person who couldn’t control his actions that never should’ve happened. In Minseok’s universe, he would want anyone but Hyunjun. 

 

The red head convinced himself of that, chanting it like a mantra in his head in hopes it would hurt less, entangled in his bed and he closed his eyes and willed himself to damnation. 

Minseok had been sitting outside Hyunjun’s front steps, hugging his knees together, and every once in a while glancing up at the tiny window of the attic room in hopes of seeing any indication that Hyunjun was still alive. His phone was brightly lit up, perched on his lap to the group messages and doing his assignments while he was at it. Right after the school bell rang, Minseok had ran to the cafe down the block and startled the cashier by dashing up to the counter and abruptly asking if Hyunjun was working today. He didn’t care that he looked like a frantic maniac in the moment with hair that stuck up and his uniformed tie loosened by his neck, but to soothe the shocked cashier into talking, he at least had the decency to pat down his curls and straighten his blazer. 

 

The cashier, who turned out to be Hyunjun’s manager, cleared her throat anxiously and told him Hyunjun had called in sick for the week and vaguely asked for one of the kitchen workers to cover for him, leaving their conversation at that. Minseok bowed a quick thank you and was two steps out the door before he bolted back into the line and pointed to the display case with a, “Actually‒ can I get two cupcakes?” 

 

The two cupcakes topped with a cream that was more sour than sweet in the shape of two cats sat in the white box, now cold by Minseok’s side. He had used up all his leftover changes in his wallet to afford the two kitty cupcakes, but given the weight of the situation he would gladly spend all his money on Hyunjun just to give him an ounce of happiness. He spammed Hyunjun’s number with messages that were left unread, and when given no responses, he decided to take a different approach: confront Hyunjun at his house with the comfort of cupcakes. 

 

“Hyunjun!” he had called out. There was an eerie silence, but he felt as if the house itself was listening in on him.

 

“I-I,” he swallowed the lump on his throat. “I don’t know what happened last night…”

 

“But I want you to know I could never hate you!” 

 

“None of us do! Not Jihoo, not Junyoung, and definitely not me!” 

 

He paused to take a breath. The silence didn’t ease him, so he made sure his volume was enough for Hyunjun to hear all the way up in the sky. 

 

“I don’t know what I did towards you last night when I was drunk. Hell, I didn’t even know I was drunk until Soojung told me this morning. But whatever I did, I’m sorry if I hurt you!” He continued.

 

“You’ve probably seen the school page, and I don’t blame you for hiding one bit. I would be just the same as you if I were in your shoes. But Hyunjun, I need you to hear me out. Please, please , Hyunjun, this sounds cheesy but I need you to know you’re not alone. This type of‒ of‒ horrible shit happened and it feels like history is repeating for you, but I need you to know that you have support this time. I have your back no matter what; Jihoo’s got your back, Junyoung’s got your back, the school treasurers’ have your back!” He yelled his throat dry. 

 

“Soojung got the post along with other spreadings to be deleted, and he’s informed the school of the attacks against you. And‒ and I know you didn’t want these things to be known, especially done by someone who isn’t you , but you will get the justice you deserve. Soojung told me they’re going to figure out who posted what and expel them,” He waited for a beat second, looking up at the window. 

 

“They already found out one student who was involved and they were kicked. I don’t know if that brings you comfort because you have every right to be scared. But you’ve got me a-and I’ll punch whoever hurts you!” 

 

He crouched down to carry the box of cupcakes, picking at the plastic bow tied on the front. 

 

“And I got you cupcakes! They’re kitties and they reminded me of you,” He wasn’t exactly sure if Hyunjun was hearing him out— he could be sleeping for all Minseok knows— but he continued anyways. “They’re kinda cold now, but I still think they’re adorable. Just like you,” He had said that last part quietly, but with the silence of the streets his words echoed and bounced off nearby homes. 

 

“I’ll stay out here until I get to hand you these cupcakes!” He chipped in and settled down on the cold front steps, box secured on his lap, and he draped his blazer around himself as a replacement for a blanket. 

 

The sky was beginning to darken, which honestly was making Minseok paranoid of all the possibilities that can happen to him in the night time, but as promised he had stayed in his place firmly guarding the cupcakes and used his phone. Luckily, he had Junyoung’s portable charger with him from lunch time, having forgotten to give it back to the boy in a rush to find Hyunjun. He scrolled aimlessly through his social medias after finishing whatever assignments he can, informed the group chat of where he was at, earphones plugged in and baking videos in autoplay, but there was only so much he can do to distract himself from his fear of the dark. He nervously picked at the skin near his nail buds, debating whether he should sleep on the ground for the night or call his senior friend to pick him up. He ended up calling someone else in hopes of hearing his voice, but was met with the automated voicemail box with a robotic tone.

 

Beep.  

 

“Hey, Hyunjun,” he pulled at the ends of his sleeves, not quite sure how to fill in the silence after all that he had said in the evening. “I know you’re not in your best state, and that’s okay, not everyone feels good all the time. Sometimes it gets to you a bit too hard,” 

 

A pregnant pause. “But you will get through this. You may not feel confident on that now, but if you ever stumble in your steps, I’ve got you. I always will…”

 

There was a remaining minute left until the voicemail would cut off, and his mind blanks on what he should say to comfort the boy whose identity was just exposed to the public without his consent. He didn’t wish to repeat the same messages from earlier, not wanting to overwhelm him, so he thinks back to Hyunjun. The boy underneath the lanterns with baby breaths in his hair, staring back at Minseok with an indescribable look to his eyes. 

 

“Remember on our first day of school when I rushed into the classroom on the brink of being late, and the only seat that was available was the one next to yours? I remember when you were gazing out of the window, and I realized I’ve never seen you around before…”

 

Minseok talked and talked about their first day of meeting, and didn’t stop even after the voicemail had cut him off at the one minute limit. He still had his phone pressed to his ears, and stared at the few visible stars in the sky. He talked about how he thought Hyunjun looked so effortlessly cool, just sitting there in another world, and how his first impression of Hyunjun was that he was shy. He was blank maybe and looked like he didn’t want to be associated with anyone in the vicinity, but Minseok saw nothing negative of the sorts. He just needed a little nudging and company is all because everyone deserves a friend in their life. At this point, he was mainly talking to himself as he rambled about how he loved Hyunjun’s red hair and how it fits him better than any other celebrity he’s ever seen. His iconic red hair that was fading and Minseok questioned when he would be able to re-dye it; he was talking about what hair color he’d dye his own to when a car had pulled up and the headlights blinked at him. 

 

“You planning on staying there the whole night?” It was Soojung, rolling down his passenger window. He had a clue where Minseok was at based on his text messages.

 

But Minseok was stubborn and he felt defensive over his statement, so like a child, he crossed his arms in a huff and a pout and said, “Yes,” 

 

“On the ground? The whole night?”

 

“ Yes ,” 

 

“...Woosu, just get in,”

 

And he compiled, not wanting to start an argument with his friend, who had helped him lots today with Hyunjun’s situation, but before leaving the premises he pulled out a pen and wrote a quick message on the cupcake box and balanced it on top of the mailbox. 

 

to: hyunnie

 

you better eat this !!! i paid good money for it and the kitties will be sad if u don’t :( so will i >:(

 

~ minseok

 

Unknown to Minseok (or Soojung), Hyunjun had heard all of his messages loud and clear from his little window, still unmoving from his position on his bed. He replayed the cut-off voicemail as a lullaby as the late nights approached. 

 

“Hey Hyunjun. I know you’re not in your best state…”

On the next day with rain threatening to approach, Minseok did the same thing. After classes, he walked to Hyunjun’s house after having bought a pack of rice crackers; he left a different message on a small sticky note and stuck it to the package, and he sat on the front steps to inform Hyunjun of his presence. He did his homework in silence and at some point almost got tripped over by a renter who was taking out his separate trash. The man looked at him oddly, not knowing if Minseok was trespassing but after assuring that he knows Hyunjun, the man nodded and asked if he would like to come in. Minseok rejected. It felt improper to be invited into Hyunjun’s home without his explicit permission. 

 

He sat until the night times approached, left his treat in the mailbox along with a voicemail recalling the times they were at the skating park together, and was picked up by Soojung who never complained of having to do so. 

 

He did the same for the next three days with still no responses from Hyunjun. Minseok wasn’t mad, maybe slightly frustrated at his inability to get Hyunjun to talk to him whether it was through a simple text or flickering of his lamp, but he was willing to wait for Hyunjun. 

 

As for school, Soojung and his team of school treasurers managed to pin down who made the anonymous postings with the help of the computer science and technology department. The ones who had dug up Hyunjun’s past through screenshots had committed an invasion of privacy, as well as encouraged bullying throughout campus which wasn’t accepted in the reputational status of their high school, were punished for it. They were expelled with a letter to their parents and a bad report on their record. Those who left comments to spread the post were given temporary suspension of three days as they weren’t considered as malicious as digging up physical evidence of torture for humiliation. 

 

And Junyoung managed to land himself in detention for a day after he had dunked an entire Gatorade bottle onto the football player, who intoxicated Minseok and fueled the dating rumors, in the middle of the cafeteria. To say Junyoung managed to escape without a black eye was a miracle as Soojung had arrived on time to hold back the player’s swinging arms, and spared Junyoung with a lighter sentence after discussing with the principal and office workers. The player was expelled for intoxication of a minor despite being a minor himself, and he left the football team to just sixteen players at best. 

 

The stares, the whispers, and the gossips were the same, although reduced due to the amount of suspensions that occurred in the following week, but overall people kept their mouth shut at the topic of Hyunjun in open hallways and shared classrooms with the trio. They thought it was wise to talk in the library or girls’ bathroom, but Soojung wasn’t stupid. He confronted them with a smile that seemed polite at first glance but had a lack of compassion behind the dimpled corners and eyes that pierced a warning nestled in warmth. Fearing trouble, the girls quickly left their hangout spots. 

 

And with faded gossip came the distraction of a new movie night event hosted by one of the drama club members, and a new update on the school website that allows people to report bullying without the choice of anonymity. A week passes just like that, but as a high school student there was only so much his mother could take to having her son be out so late, so it was unfortunate Minseok couldn’t stay on Hyunjun’s front steps on Friday night. He still left a can of sweet tea he had fetched from the same convenience store Hyunjun had bought him banana milk in his mailbox with a sticky note etched on the metal lid. 

 

So, to say it had been a huge surprise to him when he had awoken on a Saturday morning early as ever to a delivered message from the one person he was hoping for. The words were a sentence short, but apologetic and straight to the point. 

 

hyunnie ♡ 

im sorry i have to explain myself could we talk at the park

 

His response was immediate, and he left his house hours later after a confirmed time, too nervous to handle breakfast but careless enough to leave in his giant hoodie and sweatpants. 

Although Hyunjun would’ve ideally liked to isolate himself in his bed, being a part-timer, especially as a student, with an absence that stretched to three sick days was his limit— unless he wanted to be fired. He had a job after all, so he found himself working in the kitchens instead of at the front on a Wednesday afternoon. He was well aware he looked like shit, only managing to bring himself to at least shower yesterday at one in the morning, and to be frank he still felt as shitty as the day he stormed out of Minseok’s bedroom. 

 

But seeing his reflection from the kitchen sink had only manifested the fact that everything was real— that he was still existing only barely. His reflection was of a coward, too afraid to face his friends despite the positive reactions he has been receiving from them and too anxious to reach out to them— to let them know he was at least alive. He knew isolating himself wasn’t the best, but it is an ugly habit most can’t get rid of easily and Hyunjun happened to be one of them. He knew that it was cruel and selfish of him to ghost people, but when he was exposed as a walking target for strangers to express their violent fantasies, he could only do but just that. 

 

So he isolates himself on his tiny bed that was beginning to smell unalike him despite having laid there for days. It began to smell like nothing as the days progressed, and Hyunjun was starting to believe he was fading into nothing. But then that voice came.

 

That voice he knew so well, shouting from outside his home and calling his name. Minseok was insane. Hyunjun had feared he would be at his house— after all, he had been here for more than one occasion— but to think he had actually shown up at his doorsteps was what frightened Hyunjun into his covers and tighten the blanket into his mouth to not let a noise slip out. 

 

He was pretty sure his entire neighborhood had heard the boy loud and clear, and to the outsiders it might’ve sounded like they had just gone through a breakup and Minseok was trying to patch their relationship together. But he appreciated Minseok being direct yet steering clear of verbalizing what exactly went down to fall deaf on nosy neighbors. 

 

A part of him had felt guilty when he heard the boy sit out into the dark, not daring to leave, and knowing Minseok’s fear of the dark did not sit well with him. But his own fear of having to confront the boy overtook his guilt, and so he waited until Minseok would get tired of him and move on just like they always do. 

 

Minseok never left, sitting outside his front steps as if it was his home but not enough to overwhelm Hyunjun. He listened in on the boy to keep himself awake and breathing.

 

He knew what went down was a repeat of history, and that was exactly the one thing he feared to become reality, but whatever deity took pity on him gifted Minseok’s stubbornness that grounded Hyunjun for a little while. Instead of a repeat of friends who actively sought to humiliate and shame him, he was gifted friends who knew the right words to use and proper reactions that were fitting for how their characters are. Instead of a best friend and crush that didn’t hesitate to wedge a knife through his spine, he was given one that would rather mold himself to become his backbone of support than play a part in hurting Hyunjun. 

 

He thought it impossible to love the boy any more than he does, but laying in his bed he found himself falling in love even more and that warmth hurt him— scalded him even. But he listened on. He listened until the boy left his property and used his voicemails at night as a lullaby to lull him to sleep to a dream where everyone accepted him with open arms. 

 

He washed the dishes as best as he could and fired up the spraying mists, and heard one of his coworkers whisper to him upon entering the swinging doors. She could barely be heard over the grinding coffee machines, but Hyunjun was able to tune in.

 

“I think a friend of yours is here? He asked for you to come out after your shift is over,”

 

Hyunjun dropped a mug he was cleaning in the sink in surprise, anxiety overtaking his senses at the prospect of Minseok coming to confront him, but as if the coworker detected his uneasiness, she asked if Hyunjun would rather she lie in his stead that Hyunjun wasn’t available. He could only ask, “What does this friend look like?”

 

“Uhh, his straight bangs kind of look like a walnut. He was polite, but serious about the matter,”

 

Soojung .

 

Should he lie and say he wasn’t at work or should he give Soojung a chance to talk? He hadn’t realized he had spaced out for a while longer than it should’ve been for a normal small request when his coworker cleared her throat to interrupt his train of thoughts.

 

“It’s not any of my business but…” She quickly glanced outside the shut doors and back at him. “...you look like you could use a friend.” 

 

She left with a warm smile and a gentle pat to his shoulders, disappearing to the front and Hyunjun sunk his hands into the flood of cold water drowning out dirty residue from squeaky cups. He has to confront the one person he least expected to talk to in the middle of his crisis in a couple of hours. He could only hope he wouldn’t face the wrath of the person who wasn’t usually quick to anger. He resumed his cleaning, accepting this very fact but his anxiety continued to loom over the hunch of his shoulders and eyebags that dipped into his sunken corpse tightly fit in his flesh. A breathy sigh escaped his nostrils in a deep breath for the first time today. 

 

As promised, a couple of hours later passed far quicker than Hyunjun would’ve liked and he found Soojung sitting in the corner table silently doing whatever it was that he was doing while closing up. Hyunjun wiped the tables slower than usual and placed the chairs on top to mop the floors. He kept his distance far from Soojung— even a blind man could see the tension between them— and he repeatedly surged his mop harshly against the corners to extract an invisible stain until Soojung spoke up. He had a calm demeanor in his mannerisms, pinky up whilst sipping on his hot tea, but his voice was heavy and laced with exhaustion, and what Hyunjun could only hope was not pity. He slowed in his mopping to show that he was listening. 

 

“Hyunjun, talk to me,” The scraping of the chair across from Soojung interrupted the lowered hums of the jazz music playing in the speakers of the cafe from having pushed at it, indicating he wanted Hyunjun to sit with him. He didn’t say any more words, listening intently to the kitchen workers cleaning in the back and waited until they showed themselves off with a wave towards Hyunjun. It was only until their cars faded into the distance that Hyunjun sneaked a glance at Soojung, finding his friend already looking at him. 

 

He didn’t have any more excuses to delay their conversation, so he set down the mop against one of the tables and reclined hesitantly into the empty chair across from Soojung. He didn’t look up to meet his eyes. 

 

Soojung abandoned his mug to his left and draped his elbows on top of the table to further get closer to Hyunjun. 

 

“Talk to me. What’s going on in that head of yours?” 

 

The red head sauntered back his tongue and mindlessly licked his lips out of nervousness, still staring at the table. He wasn’t sure where to begin. But Soojung seemed to be able to read on his hesitation, so he laid down groundwork to encourage him to talk. 

 

“You’ve probably heard...” he started off slowly. “...about the postings, but you don’t need to worry about the people behind them because they’re gone. Away for good. That’s one good news,”

 

He gave a beat of silence, not expecting Hyunjun to speak up so soon but leaving space for him to talk if he had wanted to. He continued after Hyunjun didn’t make a move to respond. 

 

“Another good news is that the school webpage is designed for students only, so parents of the students are not involved in any matter that was discussed unless it is a potential threat or can physically harm students in any way. The only adults who know about the situation are the staff members,” 

 

He picked up his mug and sipped on it to give Hyunjun some time to digest the given information. He blew out a satisfied hum, steam leaving his plump lips from the hot tea.

 

“The third good thing is that we still have your back,” He watched for Hyunjun's reactions and pressed into what he planned to drill into his friend’s head until he fully comprehends it, even if it took him the whole night to relay the message clearly.

 

“I need you to listen to me, Hyunjun. I don’t hate you nor will I humiliate you for your sexuality; Junyoung does not hate you nor will he bully you for your interests; and Woosu, especially Woosu, does not hate you nor will he ever shame you for being who you are,” 

 

He peeled a candy wrapper that Hyunjun didn’t even notice was in his hands, offering one to Hyunjun, who took it to idly do something with his hands. The peppermint stung the top of his mouth and breached freshness to his gums, washing away the nervous hiccup laying low in the back of his throat. And this time, he had the courage to look up at Soojung. The latter was busy formulating his thoughts. 

 

“The only bad news I bear is this situation had gotten so out of hand that you jumped to a conclusion that is miles from the truth— with how we’ve been handling everything. But we don’t blame you; we can never blame you. Not when you’ve experienced that conclusion before,” Soojung’s stare made Hyunjun feel exposed all over again, but it wasn’t a bad type of stare like the ones who ran on gossip and drama. It was a firm but comforting stare, like he was letting Hyunjun feel what he feels. 

 

“So, as a friend who will always have your back, allow me to ask you: how are you holding up?”

 

The simplicity of the scene happening right in front of his eyes paired with his nerve wracking mind going haywire at how his night was turning out caused a hysterical yet choked back laughter to throttle his shaking hands. He shook his head, only to assure Soojung that the laughter was accidental, and peered at his mug cracked in where the handle was intact into the cup.

 

“I don’t even need to tell you for you to figure out how I must be feeling,” His voice came out cracked and in any other situation, he would’ve been embarrassed, but in his state at having talked to someone within his friend group after days of isolation left him careless of how he appeared to the other. Soojung gently smiled at that.

 

“I know, but I heard talking it out would be of a great benefit,”

 

He swallowed the peppermint, let the feeling of it slide down his throat before lodging itself into his stomach, and reclined back into the chair. 

 

“Shit. I feel like shit,” he buffered out. Soojung nodded in understanding. 

 

“After I did what I did… it drove me into a wall. I just had to get out,” He swallowed back a wave of guilt in order to continue. “Then I found this place and you guys. But it happened again…” 

 

He trailed off, mind flashing back to the night of the rain as fear struck him like lightning and he just felt so cold and so dirty no matter how many showers he took and how many layers he wrapped himself. He felt like something had died in him that night, mind reeling and body retching at how his best friend’s reaction and more importantly of the kiss he accidentally initiated. He was dumb and naive and trusted his friends, and for everything to backfire made him feel like he was the scum of the universe, deserving of the death threats and slurs pinned onto him much like how his head was slammed into the brick building beating after beating. Having no one stop the fights, no one to sympathize with him made him aware of how wrong his sexuality was. So he ran. He ran until he could no longer hear the shouts and the shoves and the kicks. He ran until he was able to move into a new city and into a new home where he could rebuild himself. 

 

He heard a tap against the table and he turned towards the noise. Soojung was still staring at him.

 

“It’s not your fault. Your sexuality is never of a fault. It is not a flaw of yours, Hyunjun; the only flaw is of the people who convinced you into believing so. Do you get me?” Hyunjun nodded after a delay. 

 

“I need you to get that. Your sexuality is your thing, and no one should fault you for feeling the way you do,” Soojung sighed and placed the mug back into its wooden tray by the table, standing up. Hyunjun followed suit, pushing in the chair and went to grab the mug from his hands. 

 

“That’s all I have to say for now since you do need to close this shop,” He chuckled as if it just dawned on him that it was night time and the both of them needed to go back home. Hyunjun offered a small smile back and headed to the kitchen to put away the stained mug. He came back out to see Soojung packing up his bags. 

 

“Also, talk to Woosu. Soon enough would be wise, but no pressure. Just whenever you’re ready to... “ He paused while strapping in his bag. “...confront whatever happened between the two of you,” 

 

He walked to the door, but just before leaving he glanced back with a smile and said, “I can’t guarantee what will happen, but I don’t think anything bad will come out of it,” 

 

And he left Hyunjun standing in the middle of the cafe with much to think about. 

Hyunjun came back to the cafe after a quick run to the convenience store to grab extra sugar for the desserts the following day. Being absent from school had given him a false illusion of time seeing as time ran faster outside of school grounds— it was already nearly three on a Thursday afternoon and he was working at the front today. After his little talk with Soojung yesterday, which actually was far longer than he had expected, he went back to read all the messages he had purposefully ignored. The group chat was sort of dead, but the individual messages he received were wholly alive; the most entertaining ones from the amount of concerned texts were unsurprisingly from Junyoung. On a Wednesday night at exactly two thirty eight in the morning, Junyoung had texted him, “brooo did you know cockroaches have pee wees” only to automatically send “whoops wrong person i meant to send that to woosu” right after. In fact, he seemed like the most carefree of the bunch— still concerned for his friend’s well-being because he was a human who cared for his friends after all, but more prone to lighten conversations up. 

 

So, Hyunjun hadn’t expected Junyoung to pop into the cafe. But then again, everything seems to come as a surprise to him lately, especially involving his friends. 

 

“What’s up? I know Jihoo gave you his little talk yesterday; he texted me about it‒” He held his phone up to show Hyunjun, waving it in the air. “‒so I’m not gonna bug you, but uhhh, just know that I think you’re rad and your sexuality doesn’t affect me in any way, shape or form. I’m bi, so…” He trailed off, looking into the distance like he just discovered something. Hyunjun was thrown off the loop of everything that just tumbled out of Junyoung’s mouth and followed his gaze into the side of the wall with the city outlines decorated on it. Junyoung quickly snapped out of it. 

 

“Anyways, can I grab two iced americanos and one hot chocolate? And a cupcake for you if you’d like?” Hyunjun shook his head, and Junyoung reached for his wallet. 

 

“The total is eleven and thirty-six cents. And Junyoung?” 

 

The frazzled boy looked up at him in question. 

 

“Thank you,” Thank you for treating me well, thank you for standing up for me, thank you for being the friend I don’t deserve, thank you for everything, were words that were left unsaid but judging by Junyoung’s cheeky grin he was sure the boy understood his implications.

 

“No probs, gay little Hyunjun,” 

 

Hyunjun choked back a retort against that statement and Junyoung’s smirk didn’t cease the laughter that was threatening to come out. 

 

He left with an exaggerated show of blowing a kiss to Hyunjun while balancing the three take-away cups on the tray with one hand. The red head shook his head in silent laughter and swatted at the air to shoo away Junyoung’s flying kiss. The bell chimed and his day felt a little better.

He rolled around in his thin sheets in exchange for his thicker ones reserved for the winter, having sweat ball up on his bare back at how hot his body felt. He couldn’t tell if his sweat was due to the warm temperature of his room or due to his anxiousness that crept to the palm of his hands. His phone sat, blinking up at him with an undelivered text to Minseok. It was three in the morning technically on a Saturday night after giving himself a whole day to prepare what he wanted to say to Minseok. But twenty four hours didn’t feel enough to practice what he thought would be appropriate to say to the boy who he accidentally kissed while intoxicated and diverged into a whole anxiety attack over said-kiss. And it is with a groan that he rolled over once more, only for his fingers to accidentally slip and press onto the screen. He stared back in horror at the blue words. 

 

me 

im sorry i have to explain myself could we talk at the park

 

He tried to delete the message that was sent, but upon failure, he could only stuff his face into his pillow and scream in frustration. Fate had set it upon him to finally confront what happened between them, and he wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing. And as if on cue, pure exhaustion from the week had caught up and he let his eyes sink into the heavens, body languid on top of his blanket. 

 

His phone pinged at eight in the morning with the red head still deep in sleep.

 

woosu

yes !!! im always here for u </3 what time ?

Chapter 8: kiss kiss fall in love

Summary:

Kissing him tasted nothing like the cherry pies adults made it out to be from his seven year old perspective, but there was an edge to the sweetness. It was not on the same plane of existence as his accidental kiss with Minseok. Minseok’s lips were a strawberry garden, but with the intoxication in his system it can be compared to drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.

Saturday afternoons were either blistering hot where sweat became your second layer of skin or chill enough to seek warmth in a light jumper, but this particular afternoon was fused with a pinch of saltiness in the air— the same smell one would whiff on a cold morning beach— despite the nearest beach being two hours away, and mist attaching itself onto exposed skins.

 

Hyunjun’s brain was high in the heavens, leaned back with his eyes closed and only seeing white through his eyelids. He hasn’t felt sand spread underneath his fingertips and ocean waves touching his heel in years, and he yearns for that particular texture of scratchy grains in the middle of his palm. His biggest memory that he keeps locked in between the beating organ and his ribs was of dashing across the sand and chasing after a tiny figure about the same height as him. He didn’t know the boy very much other than he lived in a house about five minutes walking distance from the beach, and that he regularly played in the sand by himself. It was safe to say Hyunjun had a time period in his life where he visited the same beach weekly that he was able to bond with the boy whose name was the only thing he knew about him. And yet, they chased each other around the beach as if they were friends since birth.

 

Innocent little boys weren’t exposed to such nature of harbouring romantic interests to other boys— after all, Hyunjun was going to be the biggest heartbreaker according to his aunts at every family reunion— but he found himself doing exactly that without realizing it. There was a boulder— in fact, many boulders around the beach but they weren’t as pretty as Hyunjun’s boulder— that he secretly believed was a resting spot for mermaids. It was always covered in seaweed and clam shells that shone even without sunlight, and Hyunjun loved leading the boy behind it, which was their secret spot, to share secrets and play spy agents. 

 

He knew he also loved kissing the boy behind there where no one could see them; just a peck on the cheek, and once on the forehead because the boy had a fading bruise from falling in his kitchen and Hyunjun believed his kiss would be a remedy to the pain. The boy never minded; he reciprocated a few times but mostly aimed for the lips because that’s what his mother and father did and he was merely copying what he saw. Although Hyunjun never hesitated to kiss the boy he adored, he was always struck with caterpillars crawling in his tummy, not yet ready to transform into butterflies, and his mind felt like quicksand. They never addressed their infatuations with each other or whatever it was that they were doing because they lacked the words.  

 

Then Hyunjun stopped coming to the beach because his father tethered with the wind and his mother no longer could afford time to take him on a two hour trip. He never saw the boy again afterwards. 

 

Kissing him tasted nothing like the cherry pies adults made it out to be from his seven year old perspective, but there was an edge to the sweetness. It was not on the same plane of existence as his accidental kiss with Minseok. Minseok’s lips were a strawberry garden, but with the intoxication in his system it can be compared to drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth. It felt wrong and left a bad aftertaste, and Hyunjun ran over the things he wanted to say sincerely in apology: not too much where it might seem like he was guilt-tripping Minseok into forgiving him, not too casual as it might offend the curly head, and definitely not in the sense that he doesn’t want to kiss Minseok at all. 

 

He would like to— just when the both of them were sober and consent to it. 

 

But that left him worrying about what he should do in the case if Minseok doesn’t reciprocate his feelings. Should he give the boy space? Should he give himself space? But what if Minseok misunderstands it as he’s purposefully avoiding him?

 

With too many thoughts racing a lap, he failed to notice there was a presence by him if not for the shadow that loomed over his closed eyelids and a gentle flick to his forehead. He bunched up his eyebrows and looked up. 

 

Minseok had set off an half an hour early from the agreed time; the walk to the skate park from his house was faster than he had expected it to be and not wanting to appear desperate, he rewinded and headed into the convenience store of the day they ditched together. The purchased items were reminiscent of the first day they hung out together: a carton of banana milk for himself, a can of green tea, and a decent chicken sandwich for Hyunjun. He wasn’t sure if Hyunjun was well-fed these days, and felt the need to take responsibility in taking care of Hyunjun.

 

With twenty minutes remaining, he returned back to the entrance of the skate park only to find the familiar head of hair already sitting near the edge of the ramp in a headspace overwhelmingly full of thoughts. He gawked at the back of his head at the split ends that had gotten longer and the faded red. His black roots were made visible and he wondered when was the last time Hyunjun had dyed his hair. 

 

Minseok silently sneaked to him and snapped his index finger into his forehead as a playful gesture, showcasing his set of teeth in a wide smile at Hyunjun’s eyes squinting up. He plopped down next to him and slapped the sandwich onto Hyunjun’s lap along with the can of green tea. 

 

“Eat up. It’ll get cold,”

 

You didn’t have to , was on the tip of his tongue but seeing how happy Minseok appeared just being by his side, he couldn’t bring himself to say such a thing. If Hyunjun were in his shoes and he finally met Minseok after a week of ghosting, he would, too, be worried over his well-being. So, he unwrapped the sandwich from its plastic veil and ate it without a word. Next to him, Minseok sipped on his milk and hadn’t bothered to hide his staring. He didn’t know how to react under his scrutiny, so without verbalizing he offered his chicken sandwich, bringing it to hover over Minseok’s lips. The curly head shook his head. 

 

“I ate already,” he lied.

 

The two ate in silence, bearing the weight of being the conversation initiator on their shoulders. Minseok waited for Hyunjun to start because he didn’t want to overwhelm the boy meanwhile Hyunjun waited for Minseok to say something about how Hyunjun ghosted him for a week straight. Both sneaked a glance when the other wasn’t looking and was too warped into what they wanted to bring to the table without making the situation awkward to notice. Figuring this was getting nowhere, they opened their mouths at the same time.

 

“Your hair–”

 

“I’m sorry–”

 

The duo chuckled at their actions in embarrassment and Hyunjun gestured for Minseok to talk first; in response, Minseok said, “No, you first.”

 

Hyunjun took a deep breath. 

 

“I’m sorry for isolating myself with the whole…” He vaguely twisted circles with his wrist in the air and Minseok brought himself to interrupt because he understood what he was trying to say. 

 

“Ah, no, I understand. I would’ve reacted the same,” Minseok dismissed and held his palm up to the red head. Hyunjun held his hand without a bat of an eyelash, but flustered at how Minseok ran his thumb soothingly on the back of his hand. Minseok bit back a smile at the blush that raced across his cheeks and swung their hands together. 

 

“But still, it would’ve been nice if you had let us help you. Mentally and physically,” His stare was tentative to Hyunjun’s guilty, hunched form and his mouth formed the shape of his next words, but no sound came out for a while.  

 

“Jihoo said his bit, and I hope you engrave those words into your thick skin because it’s true. Hyunjun…” He propped one leg up and the other folded below. 

 

“It sucks that your sexuality was exposed before you were ready, and absolutely no one deserves to have that taken away from them. And I need you to know that the three of us won’t abandon you out of the blue,“ He paused at that and squeezed Hyunjun’s hands, and curved his head to peer into Hyunjun’s eyes to know he means it. 

 

“I didn’t go out of my way for two weeks to befriend you just to leave you now,” 

 

Minseok threw a crooked smile at Hyunjun’s airy chuckle.

 

“Yeah,” Hyunjun said in a hush whisper. “I know. We’re cool, Minseok. We’re cool,” He let Minseok interlace their fingers together and turned to the boy still sipping on his carton.

 

“What did you say earlier? About my hair?”

 

Minseok let out a snort, having forgotten about that. He dropped their intertwined hands to rub at his irritated eyes.

 

“I was saying your red hair is fading,”

 

“Ah, yeah, I was planning to re-bleach it today. Wanna come with?”

After crossing pebbled streets and stop signs to grab hair products at the grocery market, the pair headed back to Hyunjun’s house opting to make up for Hyunjun's absence with some time spent together. Minseok had wanted to ask what occurred in the late night of Halloween for Hyunjun to storm off, but he bit his tongue and figured he could ask later after they had finished not only bleaching Hyunjun’s hair but Minseok’s head full of curls as well. They had a whole day to themselves, so they might as well have damaged each other’s hair for the sake of colors. Minseok started off helping Hyunjun cover his roots, tilting his head high in the air to avoid the awful smell of bleach and enveloped a plastic bag over Hyunjun’s head because he didn’t have a shower cap. Hyunjun did the same to Minseok and the two took pictures of each other over how stupid they looked in all sorts of angles. 

 

To sum up their day, although it barely reached the peak of evenings and the birds have migrated back to their nests, would lack indescribable words to accurately express everything going on in Hyunjun’s brain. His fixated goal while holed up in his room was to eliminate his existence and return back to square one where he handled the aftermath of disasters alone— something that wasn’t new in his world. But to have his attachments go out of their way to give him the safety he felt he didn’t deserve had him wracking his brain for a sole reason on why they would do such a thing. That Halloween night as well as the following days, he had sent himself into damnation for committing something within his control. Boys weren’t meant to kiss other boys, he had learned that long ago. Then why did he take pleasure from kissing the boy at the beach at the age of seven? Why did he catch himself staring at the male cashier from one of the malls he lived next to at the age of twelve with no thoughts other boys should be having? Why did he fantasize about how the new neighbor next door smelled of flowers and coffee at the age of fourteen? Why did he develop a crush on his best friend only for it to end in a public outing at fifteen?

 

And he thought back to what Soojung had said to him the night he was closing shop, what Junyoung had to say before ordering his drinks, and what Minseok had told him this afternoon in the empty skating park while holding his hands.

 

“...Your sexuality is your thing, and no one should fault you for feeling the way you do,”

 

He felt a light tap against his temple by a knuckle and he turned to the curly head. 

 

“A penny for your thoughts?”

 

Hyunjun grinned at that. “You kinda look like the aliens from Toy Story right now with the plastic bag over your head,”

 

“As if you look any better,” Minseok playfully pushed at Hyunjun’s face and the latter dodged his hands, grasping and holding them in his own. 

 

“You looked deep in thought is all. Mind sharing?” He scooted closer and crawled into Hyunjun’s lap, somewhat straddling him with a pillow wedged in between them for Minseok to lean on. Hyunjun, again, wondered if Minseok was careless to his actions.

 

“I’m just thinking about…” He trailed off, tonguing at the word “sexuality” in unfamiliarity. “...about the boys…” 

 

This time he looked up at Minseok hovering over his lap. 

 

“...about the boys I liked,”

 

Minseok hummed in response and pursed his lips to exaggerate that he was thinking. 

 

“And what about them?”

 

“Just…” Hyunjun felt Minseok idly play with his fingers. “...trying to familiarize myself with this… this identity. I never had time to… think about it positively,”

 

“It feels weird, huh?” Minseok softly smiled, empathizing with him. Hyunjun nodded, mouth already moving on its own. He fully trusted Minseok with this. 

 

“When I was seven, I went to this beach and every week that boy would be there, playing by the boulders. I think I liked him a lot at that time…” 

 

Minseok had stopped fiddling with his fingers, but began rubbing his thumb over the back of his hands just like this afternoon. It was a comforting gesture to show that he was listening.

 

“I collected clam shells and rocks with him. He would put it in his little basket and carry it home for his mom to wash it off for him, and the next week he’d give them to me sort of as a present. We didn’t talk much about ourselves other than what our names were and while playing spy agents together…”

 

A pause. Minseok patted at his chest.

 

“And one day, I led him behind this boulder and I kissed him. Because that’s what my mom did to show her love, and I wanted him to feel loved. He stared at me funny for a moment…” He let out a quiet laugh at the fond memory. “...but then he kissed me back on the lips this time, and we just laughed it off like children do. We did it again the next time I played with him,”

 

His smile faltered and Minseok noticed, dipping his fingers into Hyunjun’s cheeks in an upward direction to manually produce a smile. It had worked temporarily.

 

“But then my father left. And my mother cried herself to sleep that night. And we never went back to the beach on the weekends because she didn’t have the time like we used to…” Fingers sketched patterns into his chest and he wondered if Minseok could feel his heart beating.

 

“And I never saw that boy again. But I still remember him though,” Hyunjun’s finger tapped Minseok on his forehead. “He had a head full of curly hair. He was quite shy towards others, but he was bold towards me. He had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen right next to yours,” 

 

Minseok’s hands had settled at resting near his neck and he soothed the baby hair on the back of Hyunjun’s head. 

 

“He sounds nice,” Minseok commented. “What was his name?”

 

Hyunjun’s eyes shone in amusement— for what, Minseok didn’t know. That was until he heard his next words. 

 

“His name was Minseok,”

 

Minseok swatted at Hyunjun’s chest, brain finally connecting why Hyunjun had smiled so big at him. He shifted in his lap because one of his legs was starting to itch from the lack of blood circulation and he shoved the pillow that was in between them to rest underneath his dead leg. 

 

“That’s such a coincidence. I wonder how he’s doing,” Minseok chuckled out in awe. The timer Hyunjun had set on his phone for an hour to keep track of the bleaching process beeped in alarm in the background. 

 

“I wonder that too,” 

 

Minseok was about to yank the plastic bag off Hyunjun’s head, but hands grasping his wrists prevented him from doing so. Hyunjun moved away from his bed, steadying Minseok by his waist and guided the pair of them into the bathroom down the hall. They stripped themselves free of the plastic bag suffocating their head; Minseok had offered to wash the bleach off of Hyunjun’s head first, so the latter laid on his chest while facing down the tub. Minseok sprayed at the swirl on the top of his head to start off and made his way down. 

 

“You know what’s funny?”

 

“What?” Hyunjun turned around after a towel wrapped itself around his neck, and his strands dripped water down onto the towel and shirt he was wearing. 

 

“My first crush was actually Jihoo,”

 

Minseok laid himself down onto the tub and handed Hyunjun the sprayer. It took Hyunjun a while to answer properly, blinking at the information just handed to him. 

 

“Oh? You’re…?” 

 

“Gay? Yep,” Minseok popped the end of the “p”.

 

“I don’t know why, considering Jihoo’s the straightest person I’ve met aside from my mom,” 

 

His hair had turned a funky orange after the bleach washed out, but that was expected of the first bleach when it comes to dark hair. Hyunjun’s on the other hand had turned out blonde from the previous red dye he had. 

 

“But it was just a small thing when I met him in middle school. I guess it’s because he took me and Junyoung under his wing on our first day there,”

 

He turned around after Hyunjun had blocked his vision with a towel over his head.

 

“Don’t tell Jihoo though or I’ll never hear the end of his teasing,”

 

Hyunjun laughed at that. He rubbed at the towel over the boy’s head and Minseok did the same to him, both going at it until Minseok patted Hyunjun’s head down gently to straighten out his strands sticking up.

 

“Does Junyoung know?”

 

“Oh yeah, he was the one who called me out on it. That boy can always tell when I have a crush on someone…” They decided to let their hair naturally air-dry and headed back to Hyunjun’s room where he fetched both him and Minseok clothes. It wasn’t addressed between them, but by the looks of the sky darkening outside and Minseok already slipping into Hyunjun’s clothes, he could tell the boy was definitely staying the night. Hyunjun perched his back against the bed frame on the left side and Minseok crawled on top of him to lay on him. He pressed his giant head onto Hyunjun’s stomach and the latter caved into reaching out to play with his hair, still damp from the washing. The orange was silly looking, but Hyunjun thought Minseok cancelled out the odds with a pretty face and a friendly soul of a beagle. 

 

The boy leaned up with his chin tickling the top of Hyunjun’s belly. 

 

“Hyunjun…” he called out. 

 

“What happened on Halloween?”

 

Minseok felt fingers still in his hair and he watched the top of Hyunjun’s eyebrows do that funny little thing where it freezes and sways a little bit like a caterpillar reaching out for the furthest leaf in the branch before persuading itself to settle with the the next best leaf its gotten closest to its field of vision. 

 

He held out a pinky when Hyunjun still hadn’t spoken. 

 

“I promise I won’t judge,”

 

But you will , Hyunjun thought. Because I kissed you . 

 

“It’s fine if you judge— after all, it involves you,” He wrapped his pinky around Minseok’s anyways. “But I would need to explain myself,”

 

Minseok tilted his head to the left, gesturing that he had all ears on him. Hyunjun abruptly halted at playing with Minseok’s hair; he felt inappropriate to touch him while speaking on this issue, so his hands drifted down towards his bed sheets instead. 

 

“You were drunk by the time I found you at the party, so we decided to call the night there and go home. I think you drank some sort of strawberry alcoholic drink— I’m not too sure what else you consumed. You wouldn't let me leave when I was tucking you into bed, and you got hot so you started changing in front of me…” Minseok flushed pink at hearing that, so he hid his burning cheeks behind his sweater paws. 

 

“I felt it was inappropriate of me to change you, so I meant to call in Jihoo or Junyoung to come in and help you. But you pulled me down and I…” Hyunjun drifted his gaze up and finding Minseok already looking intently at him, he quickly passed off his hitched breath with a cough and a turn of his head in an attempt to hide how hot his face was becoming. Minseok used that time to press his fingers into Hyunjun’s waist, urging him to continue, and raised his pinky as a reminder. 

 

“We may have accidentally kissed,” Hyunjun mumbled lowly.

 

“Wait, what did you say?” Minseok leaned in closer to where his chin reached Hyunjun’s chest and spotted a dust of pink flash from the boy’s cheeks. 

 

“Don’t make me repeat it,”

 

“I’m not teasing, I seriously didn’t hear you,”

 

“I said‒” He thinned his lips at their close proximity. “‒we may have touched lip to lip…” He hovered his finger over Minseok’s pouty lips and Minseok instinctively licked them. The puppy-like boy blinked up at him. 

 

“Oh? We kissed?”

 

“Don’t say that out loud,” Hyunjun fumbled with his sleeves that had fallen over his hands at some point in the conversation. “I’m sorry for taking your k‒ I had no intention to take advantage of you in that state,”

 

Minseok grabbed hold of Hyunjun’s fidgeting fingers and cupped them around his own cheeks, puffing them out in adoration over how nervous the red head— now blonde— was. 

 

“It was an accident, Hyunjun. Don’t beat yourself over it even more or else I’ll beat you until you get over it,” 

 

“But you were drunk ,” Hyunjun could not understand how easily Minseok forgave him in the span of a second over an issue he holed himself with for a whole week. He stroked Minseok’s cheeks, half confused and half in love with the boy laying on him. 

 

“And I pulled you . So, it was an accident,” At that, he playfully knocked his fist on Hyunjun’s arm for just a tap and giggled at Hyunjun’s furrowed eyebrows. 

 

He squished in Hyunjun’s cheeks and said gratefully, “I’m sorry for my behavior, and thank you for taking care of me and not taking advantage of me,”

 

Seeing Hyunjun frown at him as he squished his cheeks made him want to tease the boy over how adorable he looked, but he figured teasing could be saved for later when Hyunjun wouldn’t retreat into his thick shell. He let his patience play out, waiting for Hyunjun for as long as he needed to wrack his brain for a proper response, and played with his cheeks until Hyunjun denied him of doing so. The boy’s cheeks were ever so warm engulfed in Minseok’s equally warm palms, reddening from the contact and the pressure of pinching fingers.

 

“...You’re not mad?” 

 

“No,” Minseok shook his head childishly. “Like I said, it was an accident. And it’s obvious you feel guilty over it, so what’s there to be mad about?”

 

Hyunjun felt ridiculous over how the situation had progressed; he had expected the worst case scenario that would lead to Minseok and the rest of his friends eventually abandoning him and he would be alone to tame himself. But perhaps his insecurities and past trauma shrouded his judgments for the worst, declining himself into a reality that is far past what his current friends are capable of, such as abandoning him over his sexuality when Junyoung and Minseok were within the same community. He could only thank the heavens they weren’t offended by his heavy insecurities right about now. 

 

Minseok empathized and comforted the boy as he wished someone would do if he were in Hyunjun’s shoes.

 

“You’re silly, Hyunjun,” he said in wonder. “Not a bad silly, the good silly,” 

 

He tucked his head onto Hyunjun’s right shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist in a cuddle.

 

“ But I am still offering a kiss if that’s what you want,”

 

The trees have somewhat stopped swaying to the rhythm at the drumming of his heart and trombones in his lungs. The universe had paused for a second before resuming its orbitation, and Hyunjun had to remind himself to breathe through his flabbergasted state. His nerves got the better of him and he choked out a, “What?”

 

Minseok lifted his head to stare at the firewoods ready to burn. And he pushed for it to burn. 

 

“My offer to kiss still stands,” He puckered his lips for the dramatics of it all, sensing a spark here and there so close to lighting up the flames he desired.

 

“W-wha…” Hyunjun mumbled out stupidly. All he could hear was the smashing of piano keys vibrating in his ears. 

 

Minseok pouted at him with puppy eyes and left a quick peck on Hyunjun’s cheek. Hyunjun’s mouth opened in surprise and his cheeks dipped into a red sunset. 

 

“I offer you my kiss, I consent to it,” 

 

Minseok leaned in close, poking their noses together and stopped short of reaching his actual lips. He wanted Hyunjun to close the distance himself, and that Hyunjun did after hesitating a few. 

 

Their lips met in a small peck, too shy to keep them pressed together for long. And how the flames burned. They scattered to each stump and branch, plagued the rivers and the grasslands, engulfed the soil and pebbles into ash, and burned until it was satisfied; and the two of them had felt all that from just one peck. It had fueled so much damage and yet was a strawberry wonderland from Minseok’s lips alone, and Hyunjun yearned to experience it again.

 

So he leaned in and this time molded their lips together for a longer duration. 

 

Kissing him tasted like forbidden freedom and with every awkward slide of their lips came a euphoria of tiny sounds and Hyunjun drowned— he drowned in the flames that scalded his skin and whisked fractions of his hair away. 

 

Minseok tasted of the first breath you take after swimming to the surface, relieved to finally being able to breathe after holding it in; he tasted of the summer nights transitioning into autumn under the blanket of stars, cooling against melted flesh; and he tasted unlike the sweetness of strawberries but an irresistible tang that left him begging for more.

 

To Minseok, Hyunjun tasted of the leftover smoke of a campfire, an end to a long exhausting day; he tasted of a bubblegum blow, stretching to its limits before it can no longer take it and pops; and he tasted of dark chocolate, and what more can Minseok excite out of him by merging the taste of strawberries and chocolate together.

 

Their teeth clashed together and Hyunjun’s pace missed Minseok’s timing and everything felt awkward so that bubbled laughter out of their mouths, but that was okay because they were more than content with everything. They resumed the mesh of their lips for just a moment more until Minseok’s stomach grumbled and he realized he hadn’t eaten anything all day; he confessed so to Hyunjun, who slightly tutted at him for lying at the skating park, and he took him by the hand down to the kitchen. 

 

They kissed against the counter while Hyunjun waited for the water to boil, but he pulled away shortly, saying he didn’t want his renters or his mom to see in case she miraculously came home early. And Minseok was fine by that as long as he still had Hyunjun by his side. He asked why Hyunjun’s mother came home so late— he says she works as a bartender at a restaurant and bar that closes at midnight but most customers are too drunk to leave— and he asks how long Hyunjun’s had his guitar— he named his electric guitar Sebastian and it was the first purchase he made with his own money a year ago. 

 

In return, Hyunjun asks how long he’s known Junyoung and Soojung— for Junyoung, he’s known him since second grade and the both of them bonded over the summer Minseok had moved in; and as for Soojung, since middle school when eighth graders thought of seventh graders as inferior to them, and Minseok and Junyoung were picked on— and what his favorite food and movie was— Minseok wasn’t picky but he enjoyed pasta and dinosaur nuggets and he loved Classic , an old romance film. 

 

Hyunjun finished serving Minseok a bowl of ramen and they went up to Hyunjun’s room where he illegally streamed Classic for him. The night ended better than Hyunjun had predicted this afternoon with Minseok in Hyunjun’s old long sleeves ripped at the collarbones and sweatpants that slipped off his waistline, clutching at a bowl of ramen and eyes watching the screen in front of him. 

 

The movie was background noise to Hyunjun, and at some point it was too for Minseok, so it was after his last bite that he placed the bowl away on Hyunjun’s table and straddled his lap to kiss him again. His lips were salty from the chicken flavored broth, but nothing could hide the taste of strawberries from Minseok’s lips. His hands entangled themselves in Hyunjun’s blonde locks while Hyunjun hooked his hands on Minseok’s sweatpants by the waist. And Hyunjun fell hard . He hadn’t known a person could taste this good— be this good— let alone kissing him without a doubt and blindly entrusting Minseok to not tear his heart. 

 

They kissed until their lips were sore and Minseok yawned after pulling back to breathe properly. They slided down the bed and Minseok fit himself against Hyunjun like he was his giant teddy bear before Hyunjun could drape his blanket over them. Minseok hadn’t bothered to face the ceiling stars, fully content in darkness for the first time because Hyunjun was embracing him and that was all that mattered. Hyunjun fell asleep soon after Minseok drifted away to the unconscious— into a peaceful one he hasn’t experienced in years. 

 

The trombones blaring from earlier faded into the quiet night and piano keys hit their last notes, and violins died down with clouds hanging over their head in a deep slumber.

 

Holding him and being held for the entire felt like they had defeated the universe. The stars formed as bodyguards for the two bathing in moonlight underneath the covers and the leaves rolling down the sidewalks went to town to share news. He thinks about the boy at the beach, the male cashier from the mall, the neighbor who smelled of flowers and coffee, and all the times he hadn’t chased after boys. 

 

Everything made sense in the silence and, maybe, just maybe in this moment, Hyunjun belonged in this world along with the boy in his arms. He isn’t confident that he deserves Minseok in his life, but is well aware he, himself, deserves to be treated well. He deserves to love and to be loved . He deserves to be the person he hasn’t been in years. So, he holds on tight, plants a kiss on his orange curls, and he lays bare with satisfaction.

Notes:

we got there folks we got there !! i originally didn't plan for this chapter to include them kissing because i wanted to focus on hyunjun personally overcoming his repressed sexuality that's been ongoing for YEARS before he kisses minseok, and i was scared that adding the kissing part might feel rushed or give the message that romantic love solves everything (it doesn't), but while writing i finally realized that minseok, who might not solve every conflict of hyunjun's, can definitely be helping him throughout his journey of exploring his sexuality. minseok can lead him to be comfortable with this identity he's been hating along with soojung and junyoung's support !! i hope that was okay

Chapter 9: you. will. be. my. boyfriend?

Summary:

“Am I practically your roommate now?” There’s a sparkle inside Hyunjun’s eyes, clearly amused at the situation, when he says that as Minseok unbuttons then rebuttons the sleeve of Hyunjun’s uniform blazer. But despite his answers, Hyunjun texts his mom that he’ll be out of the house for the night, this time being the fifth count since he’s met Minseok. 

“Why not? We’ve kissed and held hands.”

Sunday mornings typically consisted with sleeping in longer and having the day turn into a fast evening when beds weren’t even made yet. Sundays rob people of time conceptions, but Minseok found himself laying in bed and staring at his boy snoozing right next to him with all the time in the world. His blonde strands splattered against the white pillows represented blooming of daffodils and the day he woke up to something more beautiful than flowers. He had a dribble of drool at the corner of his mouth, sure, but despite the flaw the whole sight was enough to endear him. Hyunjun was the giant lake in the middle of dense forest trees and wildlife; it provides hydration for the animals and plants, looks beautiful and is beautiful, but a loving beauty has both the power to destroy and give. And Minseok found himself drowning in Hyunjun as he reached out to move the daffodils away from his forehead and tuck them behind his ear, careful to not awaken him. He held his breath and admired the sunlight gleaming against melanin to cast a beautiful glow, his butterfly lashes kissing his eyebags, and lips as sweet as honey. 

 

A part of him wanted to go downstairs and make a small breakfast in bed but then he remembered this wasn’t his house and he wasn’t sure if Hyunjun would be comfortable with doing that, much less a high chance to bump into Hyunjun’s mom and having to convince her that he isn’t an intruder. So he stays. He stays and admires the boy in bed with him until he starts drifting to consciousness with a hand petting his hair, and they lock their lips with an addiction to the taste of strawberry and chocolate. They would part to catch slight breaths and Minseok assumed that would be the end, only to be proved wrong when Hyunjun leaned in again and kissed him like it was a fever dream. Minseok was pilant laying on his side, Hyunjun moved a lot and at some point found himself on top of the curly head to kiss him again.

 

It was nothing but sweet and ideally they would’ve loved to spend their Sundays like that but alas they had to get rid of their morning breaths and had assignments to work on individually. Minseok bidded him goodbye, not without a quick peck at the front door, after changing back into his own clothes, taking the second box of bleach, and walked home despite Hyunjun’s offer to drive him. It was after retreating into his bedroom again that Hyunjun found a new feeling inside his chest: a longing, missing him although it’s been only a minute since Minseok had departed. But he was well aware of his character, knowing his introverted tendencies needed time alone to process everything that had just occurred within the span of one night and two mornings, and the shift of friendship to a more ambiguous relationship between him and Minseok. 

 

He finished half his assignments that were due last week with his phone on silent but well-lit with group chat messages, lying on his chest on the bed and legs bent up. Minseok must’ve shown Junyoung his newly bleached hair because towards late afternoon while he was writing a short answer essay did Junyoung alert him with a message in all capitalization, sending him a picture that Minseok must’ve sent him posing in a mirror selfie. Hyunjun decided to keep quiet about his own hair for entertaining reasons.

 

It was a short day and the night fell after Hyunjun climbed out of the shower, but it wasn’t until he climbed into bed with his head dry that he started feeling his breaths restrict and a hoarse humming in his throat, pulsating instinctively because his body demanded to breathe. He knew this feeling all too well, but was taken by unexpectancy at the start as his day went fairly well compared to usual. He inhaled repetitively, choking on nothing and he pressed his forehead down into his pillows to quieten the noises in case it alerted his renters. He counted to as many stars in his head as he could, slowly gaining control of taking a breath and he breathed into the pillow Minseok laid. It still smelled of him oddly despite using Hyunjun’s own clothes and his own shampoo in the shower— a faint scent of pink lemonade and raspberries— and he inhaled deeply to focus on breathing properly until the last constriction was tamed. He mumbled a set of lyrics in replacement of a prayer after every attack to calm himself, eyes shut closed, but the edge of anxiety still lingered no matter how much he recited. 

 

So he thought to call Minseok to hear his voice, but had accidentally dialed Soojung, which he didn’t know until he heard a, “Hyunjun? You okay?” after five seconds had passed with no noise on the line. 

 

He swallowed a couple more times and whispered out, “Hey…” weakly. It wasn’t very convincing that he was alright, and he could hear muffled noises as if Soojung was relocating to a more private room. And Soojung was back on the line.

 

“Sorry, I was in the kitchen with my mom. I moved to my bedroom for more privacy. How are you as of now?”

 

Soojung didn’t directly say it, but Hyunjun trusted Soojung knew what was going on with his state. He could only quietly reply, “I don’t know,”

 

There was a creak and sliding of doors, feet shuffling against the hard floor, and Hyunjun could only assume Soojung was shutting the door for privacy. It was silent between them, unsure if they should speak up and Hyunjun was about to apologize for disturbing his night but there was a small hum as if Soojung was thinking of what to say. 

 

“Are you worried about tomorrow?”

 

Hyunjun hadn’t had the ability to process what could’ve possibly triggered his anxiety attack before he thought to dial Minseok in hopes of hearing his voice, so he pondered about the question on the line. Everything was going well so far, too well in Hyunjun’s vocabulary, and to end the night with a problematic issue was rather normal— an expected occurrence almost. But it doesn’t make it any less painful or daunting. 

 

He nodded and when realizing Soojung couldn’t have possibly seen him, he murmured out a small, “Yes,”

 

Another hum on the line. “I can’t guarantee how people will treat you tomorrow…” He sighed out. “...but just know you got this, okay? You’ve been through the worst and you can get through it again,”

 

“And this time, you have us so…” 

 

He could feel his stomach churning like a half-broken washer chugging out bubbles from powdered soap but there was a midst of warmth in the cold water cycling in the center upon hearing that. He grabbed the pillow on the right side of his bed and brought it to his chest to hold, inhaling the citrus and raspberries. A part of him that had experienced the worst doubted what was said because who was to guarantee that Hyunjun wouldn’t have to transfer schools and cities again? After all, his identity and violent treatment was for all eyes to the public. But a tiny, hopeful part of him that he spent years trying to crush seemed to trust Soojung. He trusted Soojung after their small talk at his workplace, he trusted Junyoung after the boy didn’t make a big deal out of what went done in the week of his absence, and he most definitely trusted Minseok. And who was to say that he wouldn’t get through it with his trusted friends by his side? 

 

“Thank you…” is what he whispers into the dead of night, ringing to the phone line. 

 

He hears a short breath from the other end and he practically feels Soojung smiling despite not being able to see him physically. 

 

“Try to sleep, okay? You’ll need that energy for the work you missed out on tomorrow,”

 

Hyunjun lets out a hum, letting the silence speak for himself. Soojung hangs up after a short bidding and Hyunjun finds himself contemplating whether he should contact Minseok— the thought of doing so elevated his heart rate and he wonders if he could go to sleep if he did. And yet, he opens the messaging app and clicks on Minseok’s name. He types a quick message, scrolls through videos on Youtube to kill time, and it is only when he receives the notification for Minseok’s message did he shift towards his side and read the response. 

 

Little did he know that the two would spend two hours talking to each other from topics ranging from how Hyunjun liked his coffee to the time Junyoung made a kid in Minseok’s second grade classroom pee his pants on the playground because he was caught bullying Minseok. And at some point, Hyunjun’s eyes began to blur and he blinked profusely to stay awake but the raspberry pillows were too inviting and his will to not sleep declined, so he drifted into unconsciousness with the last message from Minseok bidding him a good rest after being left on read. 

If it wasn’t for Minseok’s constant presence by his side the first period in the morning, Hyunjun wasn’t sure if he would’ve shown his face at school at all. Despite last week’s outing having died down due to the school’s removal of said-posts, it certainly didn’t improve Hyunjun’s mood when he was aware that practically every student in the campus knows of his past. The girls who usually stared at him in the literature classroom kept their distance, but Hyunjun wasn’t foolish enough to not notice them peering at him when he wasn’t looking and hunching forward to whisper about him. The boys who usually paid no mind to him now gawked at him, judgingly and some even in pity. And his teacher, who had good intentions but instead drew more attention to him, welcomed him back after a week of absence and he could only nod and keep his head down as the silence in the classroom was bitterly stinging. 

 

Minseok and his group of friends were the only normality of the day. Minseok glared at the onlookers who kept their gazes between him and Hyunjun longer than necessary, but hid his frustration behind the smile he directed Hyunjun’s way every time he made light conversations about the same goose that flew into Junyoung’s house early this morning. He never once brought up the current dilemma Hyunjun was in, and for that the boy was grateful for. His skin was already itching to hide up in his rooftop area where no one had access to besides the school janitor and staff but he knew it was too much to ask Minseok to ditch with him. After all, he had his own work that he hadn’t caught up with from the week he was gone. 

 

And if Minseok slid his past assignments into Hyunjun’s bag for him to copy tonight, Hyunjun didn’t verbally mention it; only a small smile shared between the two and a court of a nod was enough for them. 

 

The next period was overbearingly more difficult to handle. He didn’t share the class with any of the people he knew and this time, the gossipers didn’t bother hiding the fact that he was the subject of their conversation. But he tried not to let it get to him, opting to wear his stoic mask and tune out the whispers in favor of listening to the teacher, who directed him to the shelves on the side where late assignments were kept and turned in. And by the time he reached chemistry, a class he shared with Junyoung, everyone was too focused on learning the Avogadro’s number and practice problems to pay him any attention. Junyoung stared at his newly bleached hair for the duration of the class, reaching out to poke at odd strands that fell over his earlobe, squinted at him in suspicion, but never mentioned what that look was about. He made the occasional commentary and slid his bag of chips underneath his desk to share with Hyunjun. 

 

Lunch rolled around and Hyunjun was the first to head out of the class, avoiding the common grounds where it was usually crowded with kids waiting in lunch lines. Descending down the steps of the math building, he nearly collides with a group of teenagers, four boys and one girl, who pause in their steps and gaze at him from head to toe. The one in the center has his arms around the girl and sneers at him.

 

“Hey, lover boy.”

 

Hyunjun was about to chip a response along the lines of, “Do I know you?” but that fell through when he felt an arm draping over his shoulder. He whips his head around to find that it’s Soojung.

 

“How’s your side chick doing, buddy? She’s been looking a little lonely, might I say.” 

 

The girl wrapped in the boy’s arm disengages from all physical contact from him as if he was infectious, throwing his arms off and storming in a different direction. He seems to connect the dots quite a little late because by the time the girl disappears from view, he turns to Jihoo in shock and throws a finger at him before chasing after the direction of his girlfriend. His two friends silently follow right after, but not without glancing back at Jihoo, who wore an innocent smile but had eyes that said otherwise, and Hyunjun, who looked disinterested from the whole situation. 

 

Soojung only takes his arm off Hyunjun after the crew has disappeared and he pats Hyunjun on the back as if to say, “You okay?” as he walks towards the direction of the quiet grounds leading to the library by the isolated special eds building. 

 

“I share marine biology with his side chick; I’m not one to meddle into love affairs, but I’ve told his girlfriend beforehand. She deserves to know,” Soojung says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “But she didn’t quite buy my story and continued to pretend everything was fine. It’s about time she broke it off with him.”

 

The two walked side by side to the second floor where the library was located and Soojung turns to give a look at Hyunjun before he pushes at the metal doors. 

 

“How are classes treating you?”

 

Hyunjun huffs through his nose, vibrating a tired hum in the back of his throat, and Soojung nods in understanding. He gives a small, reassuring smile and heads to the second study room on the left away from the librarian’s front desk where surely the two others were waiting inside. 

 

“Nice hair by the way,”

 

Upon spotting them, Minseok excitedly pats at the empty chair and waves Hyunjun over to sit by him. Soojung jokingly holds an arm in front of his chest to block Hyunjun and moves to plop down on the chair by Minseok, but the curly head pushes at his upper torso and threateningly opens his mouth to bite him, causing Soojung to automatically retreat from the danger and push at Junyoung’s dangling legs to grab the seat by him. Minseok takes hold of Hyunjun’s hand and tugs him down, beaming from the lifted corners of his mouth, and Hyunjun freezes at the sight for a slight second before looking down at the worksheets displayed on the table. Everybody notices his pausing but no one comments on it, although Soojung and Junyoung share a look.

 

“What’s this?” Hyunjun points to the papers, hunching over to look at them. 

 

“Ah, just confusing math, the usual,” Minseok comments before he tucks a strand behind Hyunjun’s ear. “Do you want yogurt?” 

 

Soojung’s phone sounds out a notification and he looks down at the text message sent to him. 

 

lee junyoung

are they really doing this right in front of our salad

Soojung only shakes his head and lets out a small laugh, fingers typing at his screen.

 

me

Was the hair not a dead giveaway already?

 

Junyoung shoots Soojung a squint when the two make eye contact.

 

lee junyoung

u rite

 

lee junyoung

u think they’re together 2gether

lee junyoung

or should we wait for them to tell us

 

me 

Wait for them to tell us. Let Hyunjun have a breather.

 

Meanwhile, Hyunjun sucks on the tube of yogurt Minseok had brought for him, the same kind as the one Minseok had given him last time when he had invited him to join them for lunch, except the flavor was strawberry banana instead. He rests his elbows on the table, leaning forward to look at the math problems as Minseok plays with the ends of his hair on the back of his neck, eyes skimming over the instructions and formulas as he squeezes the tube of yogurt. 

 

“So… how is this wrong?” Hyunjun asks.

 

He looks back at Minseok, who only stares back in exasperation. 

 

“That’s the problem. I don’t know.”

 

Hyunjun lets out a snort in disbelief of the situation, eyes going back to the problem Minseok had redone multiple times based on the amount of eraser marks. Minseok runs his hand through the back of Hyunjun’s head, fingers threading through the bleached strands. 

 

“Maybe you can help me after school? I’ll need your help in bleaching my head again too.” He’s got a pout on his face, bottom lip jutting out and cheeks puffed like a baby that all Hyunjun could do was stare at him fondly. He quickly pokes Minseok’s pouted lip with his index finger and goes back to looking at the page.

 

“I’ve got work after school, so if you’re willing to wait that long…” Hyunjun raises an eyebrow at Minseok’s repetitive nods and wide grin, resembling a golden retriever. Minseok raises his pinky, eyes sparkling in excitement. 

 

“Also you’ll help me bleach my head?”

 

“I have to work until night time.”

 

“You can stay over again,” Minseok quips.

 

“I have to catch up on my assignments,” Hyunjun lets out a light chuckle at Minseok’s persistence, eyes darting to his quivering lips. 

 

“I can help you. I’ll let you copy off my previous answers,”

 

“Am I practically your roommate now?” There’s a sparkle inside Hyunjun’s eyes, clearly amused at the situation, when he says that as Minseok unbuttons then rebuttons the sleeve of Hyunjun’s uniform blazer. But despite his answers, Hyunjun texts his mom that he’ll be out of the house for the night, this time being the fifth count since he’s met Minseok. 

 

“Why not? We’ve kissed and held hands.” 

 

Minseok elopes his fingers with Hyunjun, not exactly interlocking them but spreading Hyunjun’s fingers so he can slip a hair tie onto the boy’s wrist. Hyunjun lets him do as he pleases, having no intentions to stop Minseok from initiating affection, although he wearily glances at Soojung and Junyoung to see if they have noticed— the two seemed too wrapped in their own screens to glance over at the lovebirds’ way.

 

“And just like that I’m your roommate?”

 

“You can be whatever you want to be, as long as you aren’t my platonic friend.”

 

Hyunjun pauses at that, wondering if that was a diss to his character. 

 

“You’re giving up on our friendship that quickly?”

 

At that, Minseok giggles and squeezes his fingers into the gaps of Hyunjun’s hand, rocking their hands together on the table but away from the view of Soojung and Junyoung sitting further down the table if they happened to glance their way. He rests his temple onto his arm stretched out and looks up at Hyunjun with the utmost love he can convey through his eyes.

 

“No, silly, I’m asking you to be my boyfriend,” He shifts onto his elbows and rests his chin onto the free hand, looking at Hyunjun’s receptive pause and an expression he can’t read. “That is, if you want to be.”

 

Hyunjun wanted to very much scream his lungs off until his throat ran dry at the prospect of being Minseok’s boyfriend at last. But his eyes duck to the unfixed collar of Minseok’s dress shirt and wrinkled tie and he composes himself to fight off the blush that threatened to spread on his cheeks. 

 

“Would it be fair if I gave you my answer after I’m done with work?”

 

Minseok pretends to think it over, tapping his index finger onto his cheeks as his eyes glaze over the ceiling, but he quickly drops the act and puckers his lips. 

 

“I’ll wait for you if I get a kiss.”

 

In other settings where the two of them were alone together, preferably in either of their bedrooms, Hyunjun would’ve gone for that deal. But sitting in a study room on school campus with two of their friends sitting behind them and a librarian right outside, and the possibility of strangers seeing made Hyunjun tense up just for a bit, which went unnoticed by Minseok who assures him with a warm smile and a rub at the back of his hand.

 

“If you’re not comfortable, that’s okay. I wasn’t that serious about it anyways,” He scoots closer to whisper only for Hyunjun’s ears to catch. “But I am serious about the hair bleaching. I look like a clown right now; ask Junyoung, he’s been teasing me the whole morning.”

 

“The orange isn’t that bad. You look… unique.” Hyunjun responds, flicking Minseok’s bangs away from poking his eyes. Minseok gives him a deadpan look as if saying he knows Hyunjun thinks otherwise.

 

“Okay, you look a little funky but it’s not the worst that I’ve seen. This orange makes your skin glow.”

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Yeah,”

 

“That’s nice to know. So, are you going to help me?”

 

Hyunjun lets out a sigh and looks into Minseok’s eyes, for whatever reason he doesn’t quite know other than the fact looking at Minseok is part of his comfort zone now.

 

“I’ll help you,” He says at last. Minseok fist bumps the air, biting his lips and nodding in a groove as if he’s won the universe. “But you have to finish your homework before I bleach your head for you. Also meet me at the cafe after work so we can go home together.”

 

Minseok salutes at Hyunjun’s request and leans over to talk to the other two.

 

“Do y’all want to do our homework together at the cafe after school?”

 

Junyoung finger guns Minseok and temporarily pauses his game to take a bite of whatever attempt the school lunch made with mixed rice with chicken, avoiding the stale tortilla chips in the plastic bag. Soojung smiles to himself when he sees their interlocked hands.

 

“I can’t. I unfortunately have a treasurer’s meeting ever since one of them brought up the movie night project but bailed at the last second,” Soojung groans, deeply inhaling to relieve his mental exhaustion. 

 

“Well, that’s settled then. Mario Kart for two hours instead of studying?”

 

Junyoung unhesitatingly complies. 

It was towards the middle of his shift at the start of his break-time does Hyunjun beg his manager to let him enter the kitchen to prepare a surprise he’s been planning ever since he clocked into work. Minseok and Junyoung were sitting at the table at the far right corner by the decorative bats attached to the windows their manager never bothered to take down because according to her, it was still Halloween season even after the official holiday was over. He prepared a total of six cupcakes, decorating the five of them with pink frostings because he knew pink was Minseok’s favorite color and the sixth one with a simple chocolate topping, and squeezed words onto each of the five cupcakes with a thin tipped piping bag of condensed milk. In his pocket, his phone vibrates with notifications from Minseok sending him pictures of pigeons and dogs that pass by the shop. 

 

He sets them in a tray and approaches their table with Minseok laying his head down on his math textbook. Junyoung was gone from his seat, presumably to use the restroom.

 

“Hey, sleepyhead,” He gives a ruffle to the head of orange curls. Minseok shifts from his tiny slumber, confused for a second at where he was, but he smiles upon seeing Hyunjun. 

 

“Eat up. I made these for you,” He rearranges the cupcakes onto the table. “Tell Junyoung this one is for him since I didn’t want to make him feel left out.” 

 

Minseok lets out a gasp and starts moving the cupcakes out of the order Hyunjun had initially placed them in and dips a finger into the pink frosting to taste them.

 

“Pink, my favorite color!” He tilts his head to read the words on the cupcake and Hyunjun resurrects all of his will to hold in his chuckle. 

 

“You. Will. Be. My… Boyfriend?” 

 

Minseok peers up at Hyunjun with a half confused and half amused expression and seeing Hyunjun smile back at him, he playfully pushes at Hyunjun’s chest. 

 

“That’s quite demanding… and also not fair. I asked you first, dummy– you can’t just ask me the question I asked you this morning, which you never answered by the way.”

 

Hyunjun laughs at Minseok’s response and leans over the table to move the cupcake with the word “Will” to the front of the sentence. 

 

“First of all, it’s ‘Will you be my boyfriend?’ and secondly, I wanted to make up for the things you gave me while I was self-isolating for a whole week.” Hyunjun pats the top of Minseok’s head to smooth down the curls that were stiffly pointing up from when Minseok laid on his forehead. “This is my ‘thank you’ gift for that.”

 

He crouches down to be at eye-level with Minseok and he feels his breath restricting from the look Minseok has on his face. The corner of his lips were curled upwards, stretching into a clear smile, and the apple of his cheeks were dusted into a faint pink as if fairies had kissed him. His one curl fell flat onto his eyebrows and the corner of his eyes were lifted into a single line that portrayed his happiness at what, or mostly who, was in front of him and all Hyunjun could think of in that moment was that Minseok was too pretty to be real. 

 

“But also, would you be my boyfriend?” 

 

Hyunjun expects the smack on his shoulder as a flustered retaliation from Minseok. 

 

“I asked you that first! You answer it.”

 

“Why would I answer my own question?”

 

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

 

And Minseok expects the light smack on his shoulder.

 

“You can’t uno-reverse that question on me. I’m asking you right now,” Hyunjun jokingly retaliates.

 

“Be my boyfriend,” Minseok utters with a fake frown on his face that Hyunjun just absolutely coos at, reaching forward to pinch his cheeks. The minute he squishes him, Minseok’s frown dies down and he grins lovingly at him. “Please?”

 

He adds an extra pout to his lips for the effect of his request. 

 

“Fine, I guess, since you asked nicely.” Hyunjun gives a final pinch to Minseok’s pink cheeks before he lets go and stands up from his crouching position, but Minseok tugs him down by the wrist with the hair tie on it. 

 

“Can I seal that yes with a kiss?”

 

Hyunjun reciprocates the same smile Minseok is wearing and he’s quiet for a while, mind processing all that has just happened right in front of him. His eyes bore into Minseok’s round eyes that sparkle underneath the dimmed cafe lighting and his gaze falls down onto the tip of Minseok’s nose, his soft pink cupid’s bow, and his bottom lip that naturally jutted out. He believes he’s dating an angel. 

 

So, he takes his hand and drags him to the back where the storage room is located, kicking the door gently shut with his foot and he presses his lips against the angel’s, letting out a content sigh that fans out onto the other’s parted mouth. Minseok sighs too in satisfaction and his hands crawl their way into Hyunjun’s hair on the back of his head and he tips his nose to get closer to Hyunjun even if it was nearly impossible from how they were positioned with Minseok locked in between the wall and the boy he’s kissing. Hyunjun slides his leg in between Minseok’s and he cradles the curly head’s face, kissing him until both of them are melting. 

 

Meanwhile, Junyoung exits out of the bathroom and comes across the cupcakes in a single line. He peers over to read the words and looks around, wondering where Minseok went. 

Notes:

it's been a while since i've updated this, i apologize. i hope u enjoy this tho :( we're almost to the end of this series folks. i will write more iz fics in the future so look forward to that !! i've already developed some ideas for future aus !!!

Chapter 10: a song and all-nighters

Summary:

Hyunjun leans in as his answer and molds his lips against the soft pair that tasted of strawberries and time seems to have hit a pause because he’s got a hand full of curls and the boy he loves wrapped underneath him, reciprocating the same warmth he’s draining out of his heart and squeezing it until the last ounce drips off like a blood bag.

Kissing takes practice over a duration of exploring what you and your partner respond to; it is unalike the perfect molding of flesh on flesh like the media portrays. It’s awkward and laughter inducing, especially when your noses and teeth collide in the middle, and feeling saliva on your lips isn’t the most pleasant experience but Hyunjun and Minseok make it work. At times, the two of them would get flustered as an aftermath of their kisses but then either of them would crack a joke and easily overcame that flustering state. 

 

Sometimes, kisses are sloppy and boundaries aren’t addressed when Hyunjun’s got his mouth attached to Minseok’s bottom lip, but he would break their kiss to mumble consents or ask if Minseok was alright with what he was about to do. And sometimes, kisses are soft and intimate as the two find a harmonic rhythm to tug at each other’s heart strings. One peck on Hyunjun’s nose and Minseok could practically hear the harp’s one note from the crinkle of Hyunjun’s eyes; and when Hyunjun cups Minseok’s cheeks in both hands, he can feel the drumming vibrations through Minseok’s swollen cherry red lips. 

 

In this case, sitting on Hyunjun’s bed with both of their heads dampened from washing out the bleach and dye, their kisses were languid and were purely treading on water to bring out something from within each other. Minseok discovers that Hyunjun unconsciously hums in the back of his throat when Minseok parts his lips but doesn’t make a move to close their lips together or when he pecks him on the jaw; Hyunjun finds that Minseok mewls quietly when Hyunjun cradles the side of his face by the ear to bring him closer into the kiss. 

 

But kissing gets physically tiring and constantly being close to each other proved to be hard to take a breather, which is how they found themselves lying diagonally from one another in a criss-cross position with Minseok’s head on Hyunjun’s stomach. What started off as a light conversation on their boundaries turned into a competition of complimenting and playfully dissing one another. 

 

“It’s the way you shut yourself out and feel like you have to deal with everything alone for me,” Minseok shoots out teasingly. He squirms away from Hyunjun’s hands poking at his sides.

 

“It’s the way… I don’t have anything to complain about you,” Hyunjun responds. He entangles the front bangs of Minseok as the boy peers up at him with a slight furrow of his eyebrows.

 

“That’s because you’re not trying hard enough. I must have some flaws to point out.” 

 

Hyunjun hums, gazing away to where his old vintage film posters were peeling off from the walls and his fingers wave through pushing Minseok’s bangs away from his forehead. Minseok waits for him expectantly, studying his bobbing Adam’s apple and how his pink lips pursed together in thought.

 

“I guess… it’s the way… you choke on your own drool in your sleep for me,” is what Hyunjun settles with, glancing back down at Minseok to gauge his reaction. Minseok lets out a trail of giggles and is quick to respond.

 

“Please, you should see Soojung. It’s like sleep apnea but he consistently salivates instead of disrupting his breathing.”

 

“Good to note, but I would rather not.”

 

“My turn. It’s the way you purr when I play with your hair for me.”

 

“I do?” Hyunjun asks, pausing with his fingers still attached to Minseok’s curls. 

 

To prove his point, Minseok sits up and leans forward to tread his fingers on the back of Hyunjun’s head, dipping into the dented curve of his skull, and on reflex Hyunjun’s shoulders curl in and he purrs while leaning into the touch. Hyunjun looked perplexed at how his body had reacted to Minseok’s touch, eyebrows practically kissing each other and lips parting in shock. Minseok smiles as if to say, “See what I mean?” and he pats Hyunjun’s head. 

 

“You’re like a cat,” Minseok coos. He goes back to laying down but Hyunjun pushes his back against the headboard for Minseok to rest his head on his lap, and Minseok shifts onto his side to face Hyunjun.

 

“I could say the same for you. You mewl when I hold you like this.” At this, he leans down and halts nose to nose with Minseok and his hands squish Minseok’s cheeks together. He molds his lips onto Minseok’s puffed up ones and the tiniest mewls like that of a kitten emerges from the back of Minseok’s throat before Hyunjun pulls away completely, teasing Minseok with a smirk. 

 

But Minseok sits up and casually plants himself onto Hyunjun’s lap, chasing after Hyunjun’s mouth with his hand wrapped around his nape. He stops short of kissing him. 

 

“It’s the way I can probably draw more purrs out from you,” Minseok mumbles, lips so close to the other’s but just shy of actually making contact. Hyunjun automatically seals his arms around Minseok’s waist once he’s seated in his lap and he brushes their lips together. He doesn’t dare look away from his lips.

 

“Bet.”

It’s three days past the day Minseok and Hyunjun officially got together that Hyunjun starts to see the change of atmosphere on school campus. People still whispered in hallways, but the wary glances and awkward steps to avoid getting physically close to Hyunjun had managed to be decimated, and it was all thanks to Soojung’s proposal of having a new club dedicated for LGBT students. 

 

The new club was still under the works of gaining approval from the school but Soojung and a few school treasurers had made plans to appeal the purpose of the club to students and supervisors who will be in charge of looking after the club. One of the female treasurers, who shortly came out as lesbian in a meeting, was to be made head of the club with responsibilities of providing a safe space for members who will be attending, researching news events or issues within the gay community as a weekly club discussion (the duration of said-discussions were to be determined), listing resources for hotline crisis and shelters, distributing snacks, and ensuring security for those who didn’t wish to be identified by allowing sign-in lists to contain nicknames instead of their legal names. She and Soojung had also wanted to include movie nights on holidays for a community bonding, open to all gay film recommendations students would like to see. And oh boy did Minseok contribute to ninety percent of their soon-to-be movie list. 

 

It’s been three days since Hyunjun had asked Minseok out— Minseok would argue that it was actually the other way around— and three days of Junyoung and Soojung teasing the two that Hyunjun started to feel a little more comfortable in his skin. His anxiety levels had decreased every morning he awoke a text message from Minseok and he no longer was the center of attention the minute he stepped foot onto campus with Minseok trailing right beside him as if they were attached to the hip. Hyunjun was grateful for how understanding Minseok was; Minseok was deathly affectionate with him when they were in more private manners, barely able to keep his hands off him, but he strayed clear of any public displays of affection until Hyunjun felt comfortable engaging in it and the scrutiny had died down. 

 

Hyunjun learns, overtime, that his body now craves affection from the other boy. Any second spent without Minseok accompanying him, as much as he’d hate to admit it, made him feel irritatingly lonely and incomplete like a pause right at the intense built-up climax of a movie or song. He lets his heart do the thinking, although sometimes in hesitation, when he wants to just hug Minseok after a scheduled day of back-to-back classes or dig his face into Minseok’s neck because his scent relieved him in ways no therapy session or herbal medicine could. Days where Hyunjun wanted to be the one to initiate skinship, he commits to it and by the curled smile displayed on Minseok’s pearly whites he can tell Minseok loves it. 

 

Hyunjun would love to relive the moment Minseok had noticed the polaroid they had taken in the photobooth at the annual school festival at the back of Hyunjun’s phone case, and how his eyes lit up in recognition and his cheeks glowed a bright pink and Hyunjun was struck in awe that Minseok was the galaxy’s hidden milky way. Minseok added his copy of the photo on the back of his phone case the very next day, idly placing it face down on his desk where everybody could see without even needing to peak over during the first period. 

 

And it’s the fourth day of dating that Hyunjun and Minseok both end up accidentally ruining their surprises for their agreed date night. Minseok had walked in on Hyunjun tuning his guitar for his surprise serenading before he could take him out to a buffet restaurant, and Hyunjun had accidentally sat on Minseok’s present for him, which was the same teddy bear Hyunjun had gotten him at the market except in a darker color and holding the sign “Date night at the park?”, that Minseok hid last minute underneath his bed covers. 

 

But that didn’t bring them down, not one bit; in fact, that memory is now treasured by the couple with smile indentations on their faces after laughing so hard. 

 

Their first date begins at an all-you-can-eat buffet a few hours right after school with the prepaid cost being a bit pricey, so Hyunjun and Minseok split money to pay (Minseok insisted on sharing the cost together). Hyunjun found out Minseok’s stomach was basically a giant vacuum that whirled in anything within close distance of his mouth, and he was a huge sweet tooth, mainly aiming for the desserts before the main dishes. Minseok finds out that Hyunjun eats the weirdest combinations of food items you can think of and he unironically enjoyed tasting them; a fried chicken wing that he coated with cream cheese frosting from a slice of cheesecake and hashbrowns drizzled with chocolate syrup. And he likes mint chocolate ice cream, which doesn’t bother Minseok because he, too, loves it but to Soojung it was a damnation that shouldn’t even be a flavor.

 

The two talked more than ate really; one bite of their shared strawberry patbingsu and a twenty minute betting on how many students were going to perform “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz or “When I Was Your Man” by Bruno Mars for the school’s upcoming talent show before the final exam season began. Hyunjun pushes the last strawberry onto Minseok’s plate to clear up the pile so they can grab another set dish, but Minseok protests with incoherent mumblings and shoves his fork with the strawberry into Hyunjun’s mouth. He accidentally jabs Hyunjun in the gums and the both of them had to retreat to the bathroom to stop Hyunjun’s mouth from bleeding, which is where they found themselves calling it a day at the buffet and headed to the children’s park nearby to walk off the calories burning in their stomachs.

 

They walk by the trees, hop on slides, and attempt to squish themselves into the little kiddy spring riders shaped in horses and airplanes. They play on seesaws with the both of them recording each other from the opposite seats but Hyunjun gets a little carried away and abruptly stands, leaving Minseok to fall straight down and the seat slams down onto the rubber tiles. Hyunjun apologizes profusely, rubbing at Minseok’s tailbone to hopefully ease the burn but then Minseok pushes him off while blushing and saying the situation looks weird out of context. So, Hyunjun does the first thing that comes to mind.

 

He slides closer to Minseok and teasingly pats at Minseok’s rear and coos as if comforting a child who just fell on his bottom. Minseok playfully shoves Hyunjun’s hands off and sits on the swing set, his rear out of reach from Hyunjun’s hands. The two swing until the sun starts turning a darker shade of orange; ideally, they would’ve stayed until the sun sets but realistically they were students who had hours of assignments to work on, so they got up begrudgingly and Hyunjun drove back to Minseok’s house. 

 

The brunette walks his boyfriend up to his door and there’s an unspoken silence between them where they both knew what was to come at the end of date nights. Romance films and chick flicks portray kisses under the night sky on the front porch with soft rose bushes swaying in the background; the guy with his leather jacket and unused cigarette tucked behind one ear leans down to kiss his girlfriend, whose lips is blotched in pink and tastes of cherry, and she begs him not to leave. But that expectation wasn’t ideal, at least not in Minseok and Hyunjun’s definition and especially for a couple who wasn’t out to anyone but their friends. 

 

Hyunjun isn’t the bad boy whose breath probably reeks of the liquor he steals and smoke from the amount of cigarettes he consumes, and Minseok absolutely is not the pretty blondie who shares a drastic height difference with the male lead (although Hyunjun would say Minseok is his pretty blondie). In fact, Minseok was a couple centimeters taller than Hyunjun but not enough to be romanticized in the romance genre.

 

So the couple creates their own story— one that doesn’t pertain to the standard romance trope. Minseok boldly kisses Hyunjun’s knuckles and that causes Hyunjun to want to bolt to his car and drive away to scream his lungs off, but he shuts off the alarms in his head and tiptoes to plant a kiss onto his forehead, hand brushing away the blonde curls. The kiss stays for a solid three seconds, but then the red cheeks return to their spotlight so Hyunjun shyly bids Minseok a good night and Minseok restrains himself from just jumping onto his boyfriend and kissing him right there and then until the moonlight gives out. Minseok pinches Hyunjun’s cheeks and retreats back to his front door, giving a small wave and a giant grin before he disappears from view. Hyunjun walks back to his car and drives home, heart drumming in his ears the whole ride. 

Where there is good, there is bad is something no one wants to hear in the face of wet sidewalks as fall season makes an appearance. A week off for Thanksgiving break is all people ever really look forward to in the approaching month of November, unless you’re clocking into work on holidays, but in exchange for the upcoming holiday week students also had to face the greatest stress of their academic year: preparations for final exams. 

 

It’s been a week into dating the sunlight of his life does Hyunjun admit the one time of bitterness where his body, having grown used to Minseok’s touches, misses the boy. Proposals to a group study did occur, but Soojung and Hyunjun could not get behind social facilitation, unable to focus in the presence of others, and Minseok and Junyoung would only play Mario Kart with each other instead of actually studying so the plan was left cancelled.

 

The boys had their own set schedule. Soojung stayed after school for required weekly meetings of a school president and for a reserved study room all to himself, Junyoung was to sort out returned books as his role of a librarian’s assistant and studied at the front desk where few students approached to check out reading materials, Minseok studies at the laundromat because he needed background noise in order to focus but not enough to overpower his thinking process, and Hyunjun locks himself in his bedroom up in the attic and only comes out for food and to satisfy his bladder. 

 

Of course, they still text in their shared group chat and still hung out during lunch periods but half an hour of break time was unbalanced to the number of hours they spent without talking to one another. By the second day of studying, Hyunjun had to temporarily mute the group chat because Junyoung kept sending in pictures of the geese that terrorized his property, and his manager was lenient with a limit with how much his phone vibrated in his pocket during work hours. He gave few words to Minseok, sharing an anecdote but knew engagement to the conversation in long durations would only resort to him getting no work done; it was the same for Minseok, who stopped responding an hour into talking with Hyunjun to jot down math formulas onto the index card his teacher had given the class for the exams. 

 

But the nights where they were a little on edge from spending all day with her heads down onto a textbook and Minseok craved to run his fingers through Hyunjun’s incredibly soft hair while Hyunjun constantly peeked over his course of materials to stare at the polaroid of him and Minseok did it overwhelm them with how much they missed each other. Never had the pair of them experienced this type of unexplainable emptiness that wasn’t on par with other lonely experiences. It was different to the time Minseok had to spend the last night of summer camp in the second grade alone because Junyoung fell sick on the trip and was discharged early, and it was different to the silence that swept over the house besides for the low static of the television as Hyunjun waited for his mother to return home at the age of eight. It felt like a part of them was ripped off and thrown into the never-ending ocean, limbs sinking down into the abyss and they can’t fight the waves because they were already drowning. 

 

It’s only been a day that Hyunjun caves in and dials Minseok’s number at around half midnight, still pacing around his room to keep himself awake to inscribe the last sentence on his review sheet due tomorrow. Minseok picks up with a soft concern to his voice calling out Hyunjun’s name but it makes all the difference to his fatigued state as his joints crack and he falls onto his bed with an excuse of asking if he can borrow Minseok’s white-out tape for tomorrow. It was silent on the other end of the line for a few seconds before the blonde utters out a, “Yeah, sure.” and he chuckles slightly, constricting Hyunjun’s stomach into knots. The brunette was about to ask him what he was laughing over, but Minseok beats him to it. 

 

“If you missed me, you can just tell me, you know. We’re already boyfriends.”

 

Hyunjun opens and closes his mouth, unable to argue back because it was true. His silence was a confirmation to Minseok. Hyunjun can practically hear him smiling over the phone.

 

“I miss you,” Minseok softly whispers. Hyunjun melts, digging his face into his pillow.

 

“I miss you too,” Hyunjun mumbles into his pillow, but Minseok was able to pick up on it anyways. Minseok exhales, only serene in the quiet of the nights.

 

“You sure you only want to borrow my white-out tape?”

 

Hyunjun shifts onto his front with his elbows, feet kicking at his pillow and a light smile glowing in the dimmed lampshade at his teasing.

 

“For now, I only need your white-out tape.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“...Actually, fuck it, I’m stealing your gel pens too.”

 

“You can have my yellow one— the rest are already in use.”

 

“You can keep it then; I can’t even see yellow.”

 

Hyunjun could hear shuffling on the other end like polyester rubbing onto silk and a tiny hmph, sounding like Minseok just threw himself on his bed. He plucks at the loose thread and dust on his sheets. Minseok mumbles something on the line, his voice being muffled by an object, and Hyunjun leans forward as if he could physically hear Minseok better. 

 

“Wait, what did you say?”

 

“ Imissyourhead .”

“What?”

 

“I said I miss your head,” Minseok sounds exasperated on the other line, like he just inhaled a breath of air for the first time after unintentionally suffocating. 

 

“...You miss my head?”

 

“Your head of hair,” Minseok fills in. “It’s so unbelievably soft and I want to touch it right now.”

 

On the other end, Minseok raises his hands into a claw-like formation, twitching his fingers for the dramatics no one could see— after all, it was nearly one in the morning. It was the possibility of having bonded with Minseok in so many ways that he would’ve never expected to occur in his lifeline that Hyunjun could sense what Minseok was doing because he starts chuckling when the other line goes silent and he lays his head in his arms, cheeks threatening to transform into innocent red wine.

 

“It’s like one in the morning. You’re babbling nonsense, babe.”

 

He was met with silence, both on his part and the other’s.

 

“Babe?” is what Minseok whispers out. Hyunjun sits up from his position on his bed, startled over his own unconscious slip-up of Minseok’s nickname. 

 

“No, you misheard. I said‒” He pondered over words that could’ve possibly replaced babe in similar pronunciation but upon discovering none that would make sense in their conversation, he decides to use the old fashioned technique of avoiding the aftermath. “‒oh sorry‒ I‒ my phone is‒ cracking up‒ static you know.”

 

And he hangs up. 

It was inevitable that the subject would be brought up again the next morning, especially since he shared the first class with him. Their literature class had been temporarily transferred to the library as their classroom for the time being‒ their assigned one was being renovated‒ and Hyunjun had come to class surprisingly earlier than Minseok. With his back slouched away from other students, he failed to recognize the approaching footsteps of his boyfriend until a bag was dumped on the seat next to his and a quick kiss landed on his temple.

 

“Hey, babe ,” Minseok greets. He wore a smile based only on innocence, but by the glint in his eyes Hyunjun knew it was anything but naivety in dominance. 

 

“You’re not letting that go, aren’t you?” Hyunjun huffs out, pretending to wipe at his kissed temple in annoyance but he drags the seat out for Minseok anyways. That abruptly causes a loud scrape against the porcelain wood floors and Hyunjun ignores the looks that are sent their way in the private studying. 

 

“Yeah, I’m not letting that go,” Minseok scoots his chair closer to Hyunjun— the same as the first time Hyunjun’s met him outside the art department bleachers with no sense of personal space. But this time, Hyunjun doesn’t mind. He inches his body closer to the desk to lend an ear to whatever Minseok wishes to say without disclosing it off for their other classmates to overhear. Minseok leans over, elbows tucked on the long table.

 

“Not until you call me babe again,” He whispers. Hyunjun directs his deadpan look to Minseok, who’s batting his eyelashes, and points to the work pile on the desk.

 

“Go do your work.”

 

In any other cases, Minseok would’ve refuted just to tease Hyunjun more but he compiles because they were starting to attract the attention of their teacher and a few classmates eavesdropping. He brings out his items, gathers the worksheets from where the teacher sat for their silent study time, and does his best to focus on the material in front of him. 

 

From time to time, the two would stumble upon questions they couldn’t solve without the aid of another; Hyunjun would lean over and point to a question silently and Minseok would whisper how he got the answer or vice versa. When the teacher wasn’t looking, Minseok would slide his hands underneath Hyunjun’s and interlace their fingers and slip away when others would look in their direction. It was about five minutes until their first class ended, every student practically packing their bags, did Minseok allow himself to run his fingers over Hyunjun’s head of hair, affectionately tucking his strands behind his right ear. 

 

And he calls him babe once more right as the bell rings. Hyunjun smacks his shoulder in retaliation. 

Hyunjun can’t say for sure he doesn’t enjoy it, but he has never once expected to be so flustered over a singular word that he was referred to within a day. During second period, his phone pinged with Minseok starting conversations with the addressment “Babe” and it continued throughout all his other classes until lunch time. Counting down until Hyunjun could confront Minseok in person was like plucking out flower petals from peonies one by one for each time Minseok called him babe. 

 

So, it was to his unexpectancy that the second he walked out of his math class to see Minseok leaning on the wall, clearly waiting for him. Their eyes met and Hyunjun can see something click in Minseok’s brain and‒

 

“ Babeeee ,” Minseok whines once Hyunjun gets closer, aware of the eyes of those who couldn’t hear their conversation. Hyunjun gets pulled into an embrace that’s quick and fleeting and Minseok loops his arm through his to pull him to the cafeteria to get their lunch. 

 

“Did you just come from the art department?” The brunette asks, dragged to the end of the line. They grab their paper trays and lays it out for the cafeteria ladies to hand them today’s attempt at mixed rice with chicken along with vegetable and fruit side menus. The microwaved chicken hadn’t yet defrosted properly, still coated in tiny layers of ice from the looks of how awkward it looked next to the rice. 

 

“Yep,” Minseok pops the ‘p’. He puts the carton of apple juice onto Hyunjun’s tray and orange juice onto his, well aware of his boyfriend’s dislike of orange juice. Hyunjun had once complained about how the taste was too tart and its texture felt like a stinging grease plaguing his teeth and tongue— they had a debate over certain food preferences the day after they had both re-bleached and dyed their hair. 

 

“You don’t have to walk all the way here to pick me up, you know. I know the library is far closer to you.”

 

“Hmm,” Minseok hums, tapping at his chin in thought. They left the line to head to the library. 

 

“I’ll stop once…” 

 

Hyunjun waits for Minseok to continue, but the pause continues far too long for Hyunjun not to become curious. He spares a glance over at Minseok, finding the boy to be already staring at him with a grin. 

 

“...once you call me babe,” Minseok states. 

 

“Have fun walking then,” Hyunjun responds, quickly pacing himself ahead of Minseok to get away from the blonde. He could hear the pout in Minseok’s protests behind him. 

 

The same group of boys he had encountered last time by his math building entered the cafeteria doors and upon making eye contact with them, he knew they wouldn’t let him walk by without a comment. The middle guy smirked as he neared, parallel to them, and Hyunjun held in the sigh unreleased from his lungs. 

 

The boy greeted him with a slur and his friends took pleasure in his use of profanities and slander, for reasons Hyunjun couldn’t think of other than they took pleasure in degrading other people with an inferiority dressed in sagging pants and dirty converses that looked close to disintegrating off the earth. Although he knew it was a pathetic situation he was put in, a part of him couldn’t help but tense at the slur as the boys laughed it off in disorienting pride. It may have gone unnoticed to others in the cafeteria, but never to his boyfriend.

 

“Your zipper’s down,” Minseok says, stepping by Hyunjun’s side to block him from the group. He pauses in his step to look directly at the one who verbally said the comment. “At least check yourself before you go around insulting others.”

 

Minseok guides Hyunjun through the doors and a trail of offensive slurs fades into the background. Minseok throws Hyunjun a reassuring smile as they head their way to the library. 

 

“You okay?” 

 

At Hyunjun’s nod, Minseok pinches at Hyunjun’s cheek slightly and drops it before Hyunjun could smack his arm. He moves the conversation onto how he faked an excuse to go to the bathroom (with his belongings) five minutes prior to class ending so he could head to Hyunjun’s classroom in time. His teacher saw right through his excuse but allowed him; science teachers were always more lenient in these situations anyways.

 

At the entrance of the library, he quiets down because there were a few students who opted to use lunchtime to get ahead of their studying in preparations for early exams. And Hyunjun uses this time to think about what just happened to him. 

 

“Thank you,” he mumbles under his breath. Minseok turns around and smiles when he meets eye contact with Hyunjun. 

 

“I just want you to be okay,” Minseok simply states.

 

“Glad to hear that…” Hyunjun falters in his steps, seemingly conflicted with whether he should say what he was going to say next. The brunette looks up and all he can hear is the harp plucking in his ribcage, the trombones that emerge, and violin at the back of his skull. 

 

“Glad to hear that, babe.”

 

Hyunjun, once again, hurries ahead of Minseok, who’s shocked to the core at what just transpired between the two of them in the middle of the library’s lobby. His entire body is stunned in paralysis and his mind reels at the event, Hyunjun’s voice repeating in a loop.

 

He called me babe , he thought.

 

Ahead of Minseok by ten steps, Hyunjun smiles to himself. 

The last bell rings and everyone pours out like a hoard of zombies, running after the last few survivors with weapons in their hands and a span of their lifeline in years tagged onto their head. It is only through the existence of examinations that every student finds themselves alike to their other peers; a time where all students are strictly pulling their own dead legs from the buried dirt and gravitating towards freedom, no longer drowning in sorrow tears, all nighters, and however many brain cells they had left. It was finally the week towards Thanksgiving but to the four friends it also meant Minseok’s birthday had arrived. 

 

Hyunjun had spent the better of the week not only reviewing, but also secretly planning his own surprise for Minseok’s birthday. He had written a song for Minseok and it took him three days to finish perfecting the lyrics. The melody had come on a whim, based only on his isolation within the attic walls and plucking at his acoustic strings on late nights where he couldn’t sleep well or left abandoned with his thoughts. The song lyrics itself took up three days of work, but the melody was thought of the first time he had hung out with Minseok. 

 

The first time he laid eyes on the head of curls; when sunlight glistened on his forehead and dripped onto his eyelashes as he retold the story of a kid’s birthday party he attended. The first time he had awoken in detention with another person’s blazer over his shoulders and paper cranes littering his head and body, only to be met with Minseok’s definite smile too close to his face. The first time when Minseok, despite Hyunjun’s constant cold shoulder, made continuous efforts to form a friendship with someone like him, who had not given a chance for people to get close. After all, attachments would only end in heartbreak. 

 

But Hyunjun doesn’t regret getting attached to someone like Minseok. He doesn’t regret a single thing about it; not when he had obtained a role in Minseok’s heart, to be of an importance and value to a person who was equally devoted to him, and definitely not when Minseok looks at him in that way where his head tilts just slightly and his eyes widen into saturns. Like Hyunjun was his universe. 

 

So, he writes what he cannot express verbally whenever Minseok throws a leg over his and nips at his neck because he found out Hyunjun was ticklish; whenever Minseok dances on his tippy toes and shakes his arms when he gets too excited; whenever Minseok feeds him a spoon of whatever he’s having because he wants Hyunjun to try it too; and whenever Minseok goes out of his way to make Hyunjun know that he’s worthy of love.

 

He calls the song “All You Want” and spends the next twenty minutes trying to find the best position on his bed to record himself singing for Minseok to keep as his gift with what little sunlight he had left. He waves at his phone’s camera shyly and says a quick birthday message, something along the lines of, “By the time you see this, it’ll be your birthday. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.”, and he strums with lyrics memorized by heart from how many times he had practiced the song. He saves the file, and goes back to study the little material he had left. 

 

It is a day before Minseok’s eighteenth birthday that Hyunjun excuses himself from the group heading home (he had a free work day) and lies to Minseok that he’s busy. Minseok doesn’t question it and walks home with Soojung to go over some word problems he had trouble with. After making sure they’ve turned the corner, Hyunjun heads to a department store to buy thumb tacks. He spends an extra hour thrifting for a cork board to pin the amount of pictures they’ve taken together as an official couple, but also a few of when Minseok used Hyunjun’s polaroid without his knowledge and vice versa, and buys a carton of strawberry milk from the convenience store. He pulls an all-nighter to pin the photos in between breaks of his cramming session and passes out somewhere between three to four in the morning.

 

Exams take place the whole day after that, anxiety levels high in the air, but then the last bell rings and everyone crams to head out for the holidays. The four friends walk home together, not without first heading to the convenience store to buy ice cream, to Minseok’s home decorated in two balloons and a welcoming cheek kiss from his mom at the front door. His father is still at work, so the boys settle in the living room to unload their presents and his mother comes through the open doorway of the kitchen with a store-bought cake in hand. 

 

They sing “Happy Birthday”, Minseok blows the candles, and they begin smearing frosting onto his face. One on his cheek from Junyoung, one on his earlobe because Soojung missed his other cheek, and another dab on the nose from his brunette boyfriend, who’s smiling from ear to ear at the sight of his boyfriend covered in vanilla. His mother leaves to fetch some plates, and Minseok uses this distraction to his advantage because he smears frosting all over his own lips and presses Hyunjun’s face into his to kiss him, view hidden behind his hands. Hyunjun, caught off guard, blushes a deep red at the fact that Minseok had done that in front of Soojung and Junyoung but Minseok innocently dips his finger into Hyunjun’s mouth for him to eat the frosting right after. Soojung diverts his eyes awkwardly, only playfully gagging, but Junyoung just stares at them in disgust at having done such a thing in front of his eyes. Minseok’s mother comes back looking between her son and Hyunjun, oblivious to what just went down.

 

Minseok unwraps their presents— Soojung got him a figurine of Jigglypuff from Pokemon and a sticker pack of Pororo from Junyoung— and he turns to Hyunjun expectedly, holding out his two hands as if begging with a pout on his face. Hyunjun only smiles in guilt and ruffles his head comfortingly, saying his present was more reserved for private eyes, but Junyoung and Soojung misunderstands the context and starts covering their ears, trying to change the subject because they don’t want to hear about what Hyunjun’s gift exactly was. Hyunjun’s ears turn red as he realizes what they meant, but the pair get pinched by Minseok in retaliation. 

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon eating seaweed soup and cake and talking about little to nothing, their conversation topics changing from the latest episode of the show Junyoung got all of them to watch, including Hyunjun— although he was the most behind compared to the others— to what cake should’ve won on the cake competition show, Cake Wars , when Soojung brings up something completely unrelated to food. It is towards the late evening when Soojung notices how Hyunjun kept glancing at the clock and it clicks for him when they meet eye contact, so he nods at him and reaches for Junyoung to pull him up. 

 

“Hey, Junyoung, didn’t you say you wanted to watch the last episode with me today? It came out this morning right?”

 

He’s dragging Junyoung to the door, fetching their uniform blazers on the coat rack, and Junyoung is confused by the manhandling. He looks back at the couple to see if they, too, noticed the absurdity, and Minseok seems equally confused too by the dip of his eyebrows. 

 

“When did I say that? I thought we were all going to watch together?”

 

Soojung shoves Junyoung’s shoes into his arms and pushes him out the door. 

 

“You told me this morning when you were napping in the gymnasium. Plus, they’re both behind; don’t spoil them.” 

 

Soojung shouts a quick goodbye to Minseok’s mother in the kitchen and Junyoung does so too out of politeness and they leave with Junyoung struggling to put his one foot through his shoes. The couple lets the silence weigh over them for a few seconds before Minseok turns to Hyunjun, completely forgetting the abruptness that just occurred and takes Hyunjun’s hand in his. He swings it around and pulls Hyunjun to the couch where they crash and Minseok’s leg traps the brunette next to him so he can’t escape. 

 

“So, where’s my present?” Minseok asks gleefully. He tucks Hyunjun’s hair back and cups one side of his face.

 

Hyunjun shoves his leg off of him, cautious of the fact that Minseok’s mother could walk in on them any second. 

 

“I’d have to show you back in my room since your mother is here,” Hyunjun says, his one strand being twirled by Minseok’s playful fingers. 

 

“Okay, then let’s go. My mom would be understanding.” He smacks lightly onto Hyunjun’s thigh and releases the boy, who pulls him up from the couch with boy hands, landing in an embrace by the clingy birthday boy. He bids farewell to Minseok’s mother in the kitchen, and Minseok reassures that he’ll be heading to Hyunjun’s to hang out and he’ll be home by night-time. 

 

Heading back to Hyunjun’s house with Minseok fumbling with the radio in the passenger seat, legs crossed and laughing over small jokes gave him a bit of an epiphany over something so parallel yet so drastically different. Sitting in the passenger with an accidental confession on his tongue, rain pouring but not as heavy as the shame and humiliation he faced, versus sitting in the driver’s side with a boy too good for him in the passenger, admiring his car decorations. To add to this fever dream, he extends his hand shyly on the center console for his boyfriend to take; Minseok looks down and happily elopes their fingers together, running his thumb behind the back of his boyfriend’s hand. 

 

He parks the car, they head to Hyunjun’s room, and the brunette’s got a guitar in his lap as he gestures for Minseok to sit by him on the bed. He hands him the cork board full of their pinned pictures— Minseok loves it and pulls Hyunjun in by his nape to give him a kiss— and the milk carton. And he nervously straps the guitar over his shoulder once Minseok puts the cork board down and puts a bit of distance between him and Minseok to adjust the guitar (but also because he got shy under Minseok’s stare). He clears his throat and looks up with his fingers in their proper placements.

 

“First off, I never got to properly thank you for so much that you’ve done for me. I never got to thank you for…” His eyes dip to the crinkled bed sheets as he thinks how the curly head in front of him has changed his life for the better. Minseok absorbs the silence. “...for everything, really. I mean it.”

 

“Of all people, you chose me to include in your life since day one when I saw you. Even when I ignored and avoided you, you kept coming to me with a persistence that I found irritating and amusing at the same time.”

 

Minseok cracks a smile at that, and Hyunjun’s corner of his lips twitch at his response. 

 

“But I am forever indebted to your persistence. Because if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to meet people who I never would’ve given a chance to; I wouldn’t have been able to do so many of the things that I got to experience through you. It’s through your friendship that I was able to learn so much— of the love I was receiving to something like how much you like your eggs scrambled with sweet soy sauce.”

 

The curly head nods in embarrassment, criss-crossing his legs on the bed. 

 

“But most importantly, I was able to learn of my value as an individual with an identity I tried to repress. I was able to learn that it’s okay if I may not feel the same as other people and to be comfortable with my differences, because that’s what makes me me ,” He says, smiling softly at the blonde. “It was through your support that I still am growing used to my attractions and interests. That I like boys and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

 

“There are still a lot of things I want to thank you for, but…” He sighs. “...you’re too cute, so I’ll shut up and play you my song.”

 

The blonde stretches out his legs to poke at Hyunjun’s thigh and rests against the headboard comfortably. Hyunjun shifts again— his legs had gone numb— and gets in position.

 

“This is a song I call “All You Want”.”

 

He starts off with a light chord, strumming a bit too hard out of nervousness, but starts familiarizing himself with the rhythm he pulled a week of all-nighters to practice. He voices out the words he’s been wanting to express to Minseok since the days he heard the harp strumming his ribcage and the trombones thumping beneath his beating organ and since he became the blonde’s universe. He expresses the joy that rushes into his head, making him lightheaded over Minseok’s pure existence and how he carries himself with an innocence Hyunjun never wished to be contaminated. The happiness Minseok has been able to give him was something he wouldn’t dare dream of at the age of seventeen because happiness as he knows carries a sack of sadness that can overshadow the positivity once felt. And his feelings are touched upon well through his voice carrying the message and his fingers dancing on his acoustic. 

 

Hyunjun ends the last chords of the song with a gentle flick, unstraps the guitar, but doesn’t yet dare to remove the guitar from his lap. The big instrument was enough to offer him comfort through his fear of not satisfying Minseok, and he positions it vertically so he can somewhat hug it from behind. Minseok was smiling so wide that his face looked about ready to burst, applauding after a few seconds of silence, and he crawls over to where Hyunjun sat.

 

“You did so good, babe,” Minseok lifts the guitar off of the brunette’s lap so he can replace himself with it. He cups his face into his hands, bringing him up for a kiss on the nose and a few more innocent pecks over his eyelids and cheeks. He bores his stare into Hyunjun’s, smiling with his eyes to let him know of his feelings. 

 

“Your voice is so amazing! You should sing more often,” He wraps his arms around Hyunjun’s neck and the brunette steadily holds him by the waist. Minseok dips his lips closer to his boyfriend’s, but doesn’t quite touch it, and swivels his nose around Hyunjun’s in a nose kiss. 

 

“Really?” Hyunjun mumbles, tilting his head up. 

 

“Mhm. Do you take song requests?”

 

Hyunjun gives him a quick peck and couldn’t help himself to touch Minseok’s lips with his thumb because everything about the boy in his lap was so soft. 

 

“What would I get in return for your commissions?”

 

One peck. Two pecks. Three pecks. And the fourth kiss lingers for just a little longer.

 

“That‒” Minseok says, “‒is what you’ll get.”

 

“Mmm, not enough.” He takes the courage to lean forward for the both of them to fall on the bed with Minseok underneath, legs wrapped around his thighs and hands in his hair, and Hyunjun entangles his hands into the soft blonde curls that remind him of dandelions. 

 

“And what will be enough for you?”

 

Hyunjun leans in as his answer and molds his lips against the soft pair that tasted of strawberries and time seems to have hit a pause because he’s got a hand full of curls and the boy he loves wrapped underneath him, reciprocating the same warmth he’s draining out of his heart and squeezing it until the last ounce drips off like a blood bag. Minseok twists his head to prevent their noses from collision and kisses even deeper, sinking his fingers into the brown strands. Each tug on his head urges a purring noise to rumble in his throat, leaning into the touch, and the blonde underneath seems to enjoy that because he tugs even more at the same strands to hear his weakness. Their lips envelope around the soft outline of puffy lips, red as maraschino cherries but the taste of vanilla, and Hyunjun bends even further down to land a kiss onto the corner of the boy’s mouth. Minseok’s lips follow and he connects them together once again, empty without the other’s touch, and their lips begin to sting. 

 

But neither of the pair were willingly to stop for the night, too content in the other’s embrace. The more Hyunjun kissed Minseok, the more the vanilla transformed into a sweeter taste, addictive to the tongue yet indescribable to the sweets the brunette has tasted in his lifetime. And the more Minseok kissed Hyunjun, the more winter nights defrosted into smoked marshmallows and fireplaces. He tasted of heaven and Minseok felt no more than an angel serving the universe. His universe. 

Notes:

this chapter covers a lot of events i am well aware, it might be a bit of a whiplash but i hope this is fine ?? i wanted to leave the last chapter with minimal events so it won't be as overwhelming, and by planning that i had to squeeze as much as i could into this chapter instead. we're almost to the end of this story folks c: and i got a head-start on my new iz au coming up so please look forward to my future works. i will be contributing more to the iz tag on here . <3 kudos and comments are appreciated, i would love to hear what you think.

Notes:

please leave comments; it will motivate me to write more chapters :(( !!! <3 kudos to all iluvs out there, we're living on crumbs