Murdoc's Fresh New Start

by PikaPikaPikaPikachu

Summary:

After losing half of his band, how will Murdoc cope with being left alone with Russel? One of the men who broke his nose, and perhaps his heart? How will 2D cope with being married? How will Noodle cope with being dead?

Notes:

I hope you like this! I worked on it tirelessly to make sure it came out PERFECT!!!!

Chapter 1: Bittersweet

Bittersweet

2D wiped his eyes, sniffling and whimpering quietly, his lower lip wobbling as his eyes trailed down to Noodle’s coffin, AKA wedding altar, AKA race car bed. Murdoc stood in ill-fitting priest’s robes, droning on about a rash on his pimply green ass, much to the dismay of everyone else in the room.
Russel gruffed quietly behind 2D, nudging him gently, asking, “You alright?”
2D nodded, despite the lump forming in his throat, bile churning in his stomach, “Y-yeah,” he whispered, “O-oi’m fine.”
Ace, finally having gotten tired of Murdoc’s shit, carefully grabbed his face and pushed him backward, forcing him to trip over Noodle’s corpse. He smiled, taking 2D’s hands in his own, stepping toward him.
“Think we’d be better off elopin’, bub?” he asked cheekily, sticking out his forked tongue.
2D nodded in relief, leaping into his strong yet scrawny arms, before the two speedily left. Murdoc scoffed, glaring after them.
“Buncha ungrateful pricks I tellya wot,” he huffed, greeted soon thereafter by a firm smack on the back of the head from Russel.

Chapter 2: A Golden Opportunity

Summary:

After the funeral/wedding, Murdoc tries to find a way to cheer himself up, but Russel is less-than-willing to help.

A Golden Opportunity

 

Russel hummed as he enjoyed his grilled cheese. It was that good kind of cheese that was really melty, but not, like, fully liquidy. You know what I mean? Anyway, he was enjoying his sandwich when Murdoc sprinted in, slamming two tickets on the kitchen table.

“Oi Russel!” he squawked, “Yew like tha Golden Girls?”

Russel squinted his terrifyingly empty and blank eyes, giving Murdoc a sultry glare, letting the word roll off his tongue like chocolate off velvet, “No.”

Murdoc puffed up his disgusting, gangrenous cheeks in a pout that could be considered cute were it not coming from a 50+ year old man-child, barking with an air of indignation, “C’mon, I awready bought tha tickets! Yew can’t dip out on me like… well… me!”

“Yes,” Russel said, standing up with his grilled cheese, a grilled cheese he’d kill for, a grilled cheese he had already killed for, “I can.”

“Naoo!” Murdoc bellowed, “Remember tha time I helped yew with ‘at eel?”

“Yeah?”

“So c’mon!”

“Those things ain’t related, guacamole ass.”

Murdoc huffed and flopped on the filthy kitchen floor, rubbing his rippling pectoral muscles against the even-filthier-than-the-floor rug in a tantrum.

Russel sighed, setting down his beloved grilled cheese, “Fine.”

Murdoc perked up, stumbling to his feet, “Awright! C’mon, 2 AM concert! Be there!” before running out.

Russel sighed. He knew he would regret this. 

Chapter 3: An Unlikely Reonion

Summary:

Murdoc encounters a surprisingly familiar face in the police station.

An Unlikely Reonion

 

The once-golden Golden Girls lay in a smoldering heap at Murdoc’s feet. He peered back over his shoulder at the crowd of fans gathered, all dead silent. Including Russel. He held up an arm and gave a thumbs-down gesture.

Later that night, Murdoc was taken into custody for having murdered the Golden Girls via fireworks that were supposed to create an image of his face in the sky. Well… at least he was in the news, either way.

In the interrogation room, Murdoc Niccals, murderer of the Golden Girls, sat, bored as could be. That was, until, Cyborg Noodle walked in. Murdoc gasped in shock, covering his mouth with his gross, gangly hands. 

“LoNg TiIIme No SeE ;)” she spoke, voice glitching out, “I caNt StOp WiNKinG PlEaSE HelP mE ;)”

“And whoiy should I do ‘at?” Murdoc guffawed, snorting at her like a wild hog.

Cyborg Noodle trailed around the table, holding a water pistol, “BeCaUSE I HavE SoMEthIng YOu DoNT ;)”

“Nuffin I want, I’m sure,” he retorted snarkily, kicking up his high-heeled, bright red, sequin-covered, 9-inch-heeled boots up on the table, handcuffs jangling around his wrists as he rest them in his lap.

“Au COntRaAAAiRe ;O” she blepped, holding up a scratched CD.

“Dolly Parton’s Greatest Hits!?” Murdoc gasped, eyes going wider than his ass was thicc, “Where’d yew get ‘at!?”

“;3 FrOm yOUuR shItTy 1978 BlUe CAmAAAro WiTh nOOo DoOrs,” she smirked smugly, pointing her water pistol at his temple. 

“Dew it. I focken dare yew,” he shut his eyes, “Got nuffin tah live fer widdout ‘at CD.”

“I’lL gIIiVe It BaAck… On OnE cOnDIition… ;(“ she smiled wider, synthetic skin tearing in stripes, revealing green, scaled metal underneath. She was a scaley.

Murdoc swung his legs off the table, falling out of his chair, flopping around the floor like a fish out of water, “Yew vile bitch! Ought ‘ave ya scrapped fer parts! I’ll never dew it!”

“I waAant… RuSSel’S… GriLleD… ChEEEsE. ;}..” she breathed shakily, excitement coursing through her circuitry.

“I’ll dew it!” Murdoc perked up, scooting across the ground like a sad snail. Cyborg Noodle took off his handcuffs and left Murdoc alone. He got up swiftly, sneaking out of the third story window, falling into a strawberry bush outside. Mmm. Strawberries.

Russel, however, felt something was wrong. He felt it in his bones. He hugged his grilled cheese tighter as he watched the Golden Girls get hauled away, before they turned into zombies, of course. He gently kissed the top of his sandwich. His precious grilled cheese with that kind of cheese that’s, like, pretty melty, but not too much. He had to watch his figure, after all. Russel quickly left the venue, not knowing that Murdoc was waiting right around the corner…………

Chapter 4: Destiny's Crossroads

Summary:

Murdoc reminisces on his past.

Destiny’s Crossroads

 

Murdoc lunged at Russel, who held his grilled cheese with that cheese that’s kinda melty in a good way, teeth bared and tongue flailing.

Suddenly, the most famous Vocaloid, Otomachi Una dove in front of Russel, saving him from Murdoc’s yellow, corn-like teeth.

 

//FLASHBACK//

 

Murdoc and 2D entered the Hot Topic/Gamestop, which was a store kinda like when Taco Bell mixed with KFC, looking around with great intrigue. Murdoc bit his snake bites suggestively, winking at a t-shirt with Morgan Freeman on it.

2D gasped, cheeks flushing bright blue like he did when he was being choked by Murdoc. Murdoc followed his gaze to the cashier. Ace. He was turned around, but Murdoc recognized him from his thicc, JuicyTM ass, and his booty shorts that read “Bite Me” in comic sans. 2D drooled openly, much to Murdoc’s hypocritical disgust. Ace turned around, ass throwing him off-balance as he did.

“Muhrdawk!” he whined in a very unsexy and squeaky voice, “Yew’ve gotta help me!”

“N’ whoy should I?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes several times.

“Remember literally everyfhin yew’ve ever done tah me? Can yew jus’ be a decent hewman bein’ one toime?” 2D pleaded.

“Fine,” Murdoc huffed, walking him up to the register.”

He and 2D stared silently at Ace, who stared back with a blank smile. Not a single word was exchanged, nor did anyone blink. The silence carried on for several minutes, even as other customers entered (and left, after having sensed the sexual tension ;).)

Finally, Murdoc bit his snake bites, winking at Ace, who bit his lip ring in reply.

“Yew remember ‘at time I did yew a favor?” Murdoc asked his old friend, Ace.

“No?” Ace replied, waggling his brows.

“Well pretend it ‘appened. Yew wanna fock me best mate?” he clapped 2D on the shoulder.

“Sure,” Ace shrugged, grabbing 2D by the collar of his men’s small, black Hello Kinky shirt, pulling him behind the counter.

Fade to black.

The store’s power had gone out.

 

//PRESENT DAY//

Murdoc, Russel, and the legend Otomariachi Una stood around, confused. Una squinted at Murdoc.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, winking at him angrily. 

“Honestly, what’s right wiff me?” he replied, sighing dramatically, slinking to the floor and taking off his shirt, before then proceeding to do the worm.

Una turned to Russel, bowing politely and dramatically. Russel blushed, turning his head away.

“You want a bite of my :b:illed :b:heese?” he asked shyly.

Una took the sandwich, licking it once before handing it back to him. Russel blushed further, throwing it over his shoulder like it was fucking radioactive. Never again would he enjoy that grilled cheese with that cheese that was, like, perfectly melty, but not TOO melty.

Una winked at you.

Chapter 5: Pennywisdom

Summary:

Murdoc meets a new love interest to replace Russel!

Pennywisdom

 

“Penny for your thots?” A mysterious clown asked, leaning his phat nose out of the sewer grate under Murdoc, staring up his skirt. 

Murdoc gasped, blushing, moaning loudly as he honked the clown’s nose, groaning, “Whore yeeeew?”

“You forgot an apostrophe, bitch ,” The clown huffed, slinking backward into his original space, “Ahm 2D’s sleep paralysis demon. Moi nayme’s Hatsune Miki.”

Murdoc blushed further as he picked up the licked grilled cheese with the cheese that was kinda melty, melty enough to get stuck to the sidewalk, melty enough to engulf Murdoc’s hand in cheese. The green goblin man wailed and thrashed, trying to get free from the salty embrace.

“Get fucked looser,” Hatsune Miki snickered, phasing through the grate like the Terminator, “;)”

“Hatsune Miki, pwease, hewp me!!!” Murdoc uwu’d miserably, sobbing and wailing with all his might, “I’ww do anyfing!”
“Anyfing?” Hatsune Miki gasped, blushing, turning around and bending over.

“Anyfing!” Murdoc repeated, climbing on his back.

Hatsune Miki carried Murdoc away piggyback-style from the attacking grilled cheese with that cheese that’s like.

Cyborg Noodle stared as they ran away from it, gasping to herself, “NoW’S mY CHAAnNcE ;D”

She tiptoed towards the grilled cheese wearing her MoonShoesTM, tripping and breaking her ankle off just as she reached the sandwich. Cyborg Noodle gasped in pain, reaching out a hand to the sky in one final, desperate attempt to be saved, before she was washed over by a tidal wave of cheese that’s.

Murdoc stared back over his shoulder at a 47 degree angle, one single tear rolling down his cheek as he watched Cyborg Noodle be destroyed, “Dowwy Pawton…” he whimpered, lower lip trembling.

“Hey baby,” Hatsune Miki whispered in his ear, lips ghosting over the shell of his ear and causing a shiver to go down his spine, “Guess what I got for you? It’s long and it’s hard and it’s just for you.”

Murdoc gasped as Hatsune Miki held up a floppydisk labeled “Dolly Parton.”

“Ever seen Jem and The Homograms? This is basically our Synergy!” Hatsune Miki squealed at a pitch high enough to break glass.

Murdoc sobbed, his chest heaving up and down as he clung to Hatsune Miki for dear life, wailing and shaking as he struggled to catch his breath, managing to cry out, “Fank yew!”

This was the beginning of a beautiful relationship……….. 

Chapter 6: Poggers

Summary:

NOT!!! Poggers!!! :(

Poggers

 

Russel sighed miserably, sitting down in the middle of the road, cars crashing and getting stuck against his fat, sweaty ass. The most famous vocaloid, Una Otomachi, sat beside him, patting his back reassuringly. She hugged his arm, frowning, whispering, “Roll for recovery. +1 dex modifier.”

Miserably jangling his hooves, Russel tossed down his identical set of one-sided dice, rolling a total of 3.

“Oh no……… you’re a furry,” Una gasped, pulling back from Russel as he sprouted fur and his snout grew longer. His fursona was a horse.

Standing up on all fours, Russel trotted along the road ahead of Una, who quickly flew up with a saddle to ride his back like the majestic horsie he was. Eventually, they caught up to Hatsune Miki, giving a piggyback ride to Murdoc, running from the grilled cheese tidal wave. Russel found himself incapable of describing the cheese, other than that it was much too melty, now. He shed one single tear for his lost love, and then another, and then one more out of his (metaphorical) third eye.

Ice whined into the phone from within the phonebooth, complaining about how he’d recently been declared a robot by the government, and was currently on the run. The grilled cheese cared not, crushing his booth under its dummy thicc weight.

Russel neighed loudly as he picked up his pace, encouraged by Una’s singing, “Do your best, do your best!”

Murdoc whimpered as he held his floppydisk close to his heart. A floppydisk with CHEESE on it!!! He looked up at Hatsune Miki, who had cheese coming out from underneath their wig. Could he be a long lost part of the cheese????? Probably not. He’s probably just gross.

“Hop into my car!” Otomagotchi Una called, forcing Russel to leap into her Mercedes Benz with a pick-up truck bed attached to the front.

Murdoc and Hatsune Miki leapt in as well, quickly speeding away from impending doom.

“Yew know,” Murdoc sighed, looking down, “Fings were a wot easier before we had fans.”

“I know baby,” Hatsune Miki sighed better, patting his own back reassuringly, “That’s how it was for me, too. It gets worse. I wanna die.”

“Fanks baby ‘at’s reassurin’ to tha max,” Murdoc scoffed, glaring at his newly-found long-term lover and potential baby daddy.

“Hey, can I ask why Russel became a furry?” Una asked, only to receive confused glares from Murdoc and Hatsune Miki, quickly shutting her up about the topic, forcing her to look down at her lap as she drove, “I just wanted to play Minecraft.”

“We’ww pway Minecwaft when we’re dead!” Murdoc guffawed, raising a lit torch in the air, “Onward!”

Though that would’ve been ideal, they were quickly stopped by a police block set up in the road to stop Murdoc, as he had committed innumerable crimes, including killing the Golden Girls. He grit his yellowing, half-rotted teeth as he forced the car to leap over the barricade. How he did it, you’ll never know.

Russel neighed appreciatively, slowly morphing into a more anthro and less biologically accurate form of horse. Murdoc stared, entranced, blushing at the beautiful horse man. He looked like an anime boy with a horse body and human face. It was… breathtaking.

Murdoc looked back at Hatsune Miki, who smiled, honking their nose, unaware of Murdoc’s inner turmoil surrounding his unfinished business with Russel, and his newly started business with Hatsune Miki. Russel was a monogamous man, Murdoc knew that, but he still desired both of his deepest loves.

“Life isn’t fair,” Murdoc observed morosely, looking down with a heavy smirk on his face.

“If life was fair we’d spell it arfe,” Russel spoke softly in his chocolatey velvet tone.

Murdoc’s inner goddess was doing a lil’ salsa merengue, and he looked away.

This would be trouble.

Chapter 7: The Furture

Summary:

A cherished love is lost, and a former friend comes to the light.

The Furture

 

Four minutes had passed.

Hatsune Miki was dead, laid out on top of Noodle on the race car bed/wedding altar/funeral pyre. Murdoc sniffled as he stared down, feeling Russel’s hoof patting his back. Hatsune Miki had discovered Murdoc’s REDACTED fetish, and, well, he couldn’t have anyone knowing about that, not even you.

“I’m sorry, man,” Russel sighed, swooshing his long, curly bald head from side to side.

“Yew reawwy mean ‘at…?” he whimpered, hugging around Russel’s fat neck.

Russel nodded, frowning in a seductive manner, “Yeah. I do. Now it’s just us. Everyone else is dead or married…”

“I can play whatever Noodle played, probably!” Tomselleck Una piped up, smiling brightly, wanting to do her best to help her new BFF.

“‘At couwd work,” Murdoc gasped, excited, eyes sparkling. They were on fire, but just a little. As a treat.

Murdoc took out his bass, the fish, and began to play. From the ground rose the Devil himself, carrying a fiddle, and they played a wicked rendition of “London Bridge” together. Russel teared up, moved by his playing, bowing down on his front two hooves. He nearly burst into sobs as Una joined in, playing the guitar in Japanese.

NOODLE SAT UP FROM HER GRAVE!!! Knocking Hatsune Miki off of her.

Murdoc gasped and dropped his bass as Noodle approached him. She stared silently at Russel, who then stared silently at Una, who frowned and left alongside the Devil to go to Target to start their new duo together. Noodle t-posed aggressively, intimidating Murdoc greatly.

“She’s got a good point, Murdoc,” Russel frowned, biting his upper lip.

“Yew’re roight… We need to get 2D back!” Murdoc declared, storming out of the Wendy’s.

 

\\Flashback\\

 

Ace Copular sat comfortably beside Stuart Pot in bed, cuddling him, arm wrapped comfortably around his waist. He smiled, content, nuzzling the top of Stuart’s head gently. Stuart giggled, tickled by the action, leaning up and pecking his cheek in response.

 

\\Flashback End\\

 

Murdoc teared up, looking down, “We can’t dew it. Not aftah seein’ ‘ow ‘appy it made ‘im!”

Russel stared directly down, neck possibly broken, “You’re right… but we need someone to replace him. Got any ideas…?”

Tapping his chin, the green fella suddenly found the answer to all their woes, “I know! We’ll just clone me!”

“Sounds stupid. I’m in,” Russel nodded, looking to Noodle for approval.

Noodle had not stopped t-posing, and after a few moments of staring, Ruseel nodded, “She’s right. We should just clone 2D.”

“Foine,” Murdoc huffed, “But I ain’t gonna like it!”

He would. 

Chapter 8: Garden of Gold

Summary:

After a long leave....... I return.......... ;)

Garden of Gold

Murdoc hauled the cloning machine out of his basement, alongside a blow-up doll and blow-up banana-shaped boat. He teared up as he saw the blow-up doll, noticing how much it looked like Hatsune Miki.
“Don’t smile because it happened. Cry because it’s over,” Russel reminded Murdoc with a firm hoof to the throat.
Murdoc fell backwards down the stairs, snapping in half at the bottom. His vision swirled to flames, and he felt his spirit being dragged downward, toward a fiery abyss.

He awoke twelve seconds later in Hell, being prodded by a long stick. Peeking his eyes open, Murdoc was greeted by one of the four newly-elected queens of Hell, Betty White. She stared pensively down at Murdoc.
“We meet again,” she spoke eloquently, her long, flowing Burger King kid’s meal crown swooshing in the wind.
“Bad Bitch Betty!” Murdoc gasped, scandalized, grimacing.
“The very same, basic bitch Murdoc!” she laughed victoriously, “You gave me more power than your tiny piss brain can even comprehend!”
Long Furby snaked up Betty White’s arm, hissing at Murdoc through its beak. Murdoc stumbled backward, bumping into something. Looking up, he saw Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, and Estelle Getty, all holding electric batons. Murdoc was soundly beaten.

On the surface, Russel jopped.
Noodle shook her head, frowning, forbidding Russel and forcing him to stop via her telepathic powers. Distantly, they could hear Murdoc getting his ass whooped.
“...” Noodle said, frowning deeper.
“Understood,” Russel sighed softly, rubbing his cheeks with his thicc hooves.
Russel trotted over to their spare cloning machine, the first having been destroyed by the grilled cheese wave. He took out a little baggie, which contained 2D’s hair, from his pocket, tossing it into the machine. After a few flicks of the levers, the machine glowed, and a clone of 2D, though inside a baggie, flopped out. He thrashed around like a fish in a particularly dry and miserable meat market, gasping, placing his lips to the sides of the bag, searching for air. Russel narrowed his eyes and opened the bag with his supple lips.
“Oh thank you, kind sir!” 2D gasped, his voice posh and eloquent as he stood up and dusted himself off, “I was in a right bit of trouble! I-”
He was kicked in the throat my Russel’s back hooves. Both of them. At the same time. This kick sent 2D careening off into a horn pile nearby. Ouch.
“...” Noodle noted pensively, cocking a brow in mild curiosity at the 2D clone in the horn pile.
Russel, realizing that the horn pile wasn’t there earlier, frantically checked the calendar.
4/13.

Somewhere, far away, in another time entirely, there was a boy. He was green and had just turned 13. Enter his name.

>Pickle Man.

Honestly?? Close enough. Pickle Man reached out towards the screen, towards you, attempting to grasp at your throat. Alas, he had no arms. How about you help him find some?

>Pick up arms.

Unfortunately, there were no arms to be found. He lied on the floor and cried.

Back in present day, Murdoc was still getting his ass whooped in Hell. For some reason, the memory of his 13th birthday occurred to him. He looked down at his arms. They were there. Gathering up his strength, Murdoc stood, grasping the three electric batons. He was electrocuted and fell down. Poor, dumb bastard.
Betty White held up her hand, her Furby hissing to get the other queens’ attention.
“That’s enough,” she hummed, the edges of her lips quirking into a smile, “He’s learned his lesson. For now. Send him back.”
The other three Golden Girls lifted him up, throwing him skyward. Unfortunately, they were indoors, so he just hit the ceiling and fell back down. Taking further pity on him, they carried him outside, and then threw him again.

Murdoc gasped as he returned to the land of the living, still snapped in half. He blinked slowly, words forming on his tongue like foam in a rabid dog’s mouth.
“Pickle Man,” he spoke his true name.
And then all hell broke loose.

Chapter 9: Ultimate Connection (Part 1)

Summary:

Hehe :3 c
Pickle Man faces his Pickle Consequences......

Ultimate Connection (Part 1)

 

Ultimate Dirk stared pensively at his command console, noting how each knob and button flashed and flickered with varying levels of intensity. His gaze paused as he noted one in particular, a green one labeled ‘Pickle Situation’, was flashing unusually quickly. A chill ran up his spine as he pinched the bridge of his nose (as best as he could with those stupid ass anime shades his very cool and normal visor.)

 

Just as he was about to correct me again and probably monologue about relevance and the narrative and whatever who even gives a shit amirite guys haha, another figure entered the room.

 

“Cinnamoroll,” Ultimate AVERAGE Dirk greeted without turning around, face scrunching into one of confusion and frustration, “What is it?”

 

Cinnamoroll shifted uncomfortably where they floated, moving around in the air like the bouncing DVD logo, before speaking up, “Thewe seems to be a bit of a pwobwem…”

 

“Don’t you think I’ve noticed already?” Dirk said, like an asshole wow, before turning his head skyward again, as if that’d help him edit the text at all. Dumbass. He continued, his voice growling like a garbage disposal, “Something’s messing with my narrative powers. Worse than that…” his gaze trailed back to the blinking ‘Pickle Situation’ button, “something’s threatening to get rid of the narrative entirely…”

 

Pyramidhead, who was totally there the whole time, nodded sagely, agreeing with Dirk’s assertion. Dirk jumped slightly because he’s forgetful and didn’t notice that PH (Pyramid Head) was there the whole time.

 

“No he wasn’t,” Dirk lied, fibbing fibber that he is, before groaning in frustration, “We need to get moving. I can’t put up with this for much longer,” Dirk said, unaware that there’s meant to be 100 chapters, and we’re only like seven or 9 in.

 

With that, Dirk set the coordinates of the ship for a very familiar location. And speaking of………………………………………………..

 

---

 

Murdoc– no, Pickle Man, gently broke it down whiteboy style, his bones unbreaking and his old man body being even gently-er floated up the stairs. Russel and Noodle watched in amazement as this happened, with Posh Clone 2D still lying in the horn pile. He’s so overdramatic, it’s been 4 years, get up ://

 

As Pickular Man landed at the top of the stairs, he held his arms wide, declaring, “Oi’m back, bitches!”

 

Russel fought the urge to kick Purple Man back down the stairs, but thankfully Noodle had more self-control than he did, and she stopped him with her mindpowers. BC2D (Br*tish clone 2d) stood up as well, somehow completely fine.

 

“And now that all four of us are back in one spawt… we can start playin’ music again! Foinally!” Pronoun MAn cheered.

 

Suddenly, the door was kicked in, two men on segways riding in at rapid speeds.

 

“Halt!” one of them shouted, a man in a trenchcoat with glasses who looked. Just so sad. He looks like a sad wet cat :(( 

 

“Freeze!” chimed the other, a man who looked like levi ackerman but like, more oldman-babygirl-core, yk??

 

“Satoru Mashita and Kazuo Yashiki!?” Pickle man shrieked in fear and despair, before the lights suddenly cut out, surrounding them all in darkness. 

Outside……… a space ship landed… >;)

Chapter 10: Ultimate Connection (Part 2)

Summary:

How WIll Pehickular Manslaughter get out of this one!! DD:
Womp womp :3c

Ultimate Connection (Part 2)

 

Ultimate Dirk bounded out of his ship the second they landed, sprinting into the unspecified but large building, katana drawn at his side. 

 

Russel’s hoof found the lightswitch on the wall, flicking it on as Dirk sprinted in, Pyramidhead and Cinnamoroll following close behind with a bat and gun respectively. Mashita spun to face Dirk, gun drawn (poorly).

 

“Hold it there, cowboy!” he shouted in a bad southern accent, “Put the weapon down!!!”

 

Pyramidhead held up his bat fearsomely, but Dirk held out his hand, urging him to back off for a sec. PH nodded understandingly, lowering it slowly as he also dropped it low low low in his abj and bwtf. Cinnamoroll jopped.

Yashiki turned to Murdoc, holding up his gun still as he spoke, “Murdoc Niccals, you’re under arrest (again) for the murder of the Golden Girls and fleeing arrest.”

“Hang awn, are yew even a cop?” Murdoc asked, holding his fists up, ready to fight.

“Listen here, Pronoun Boy,” Mashita cut in, “We’re not the ones on trial here.”

 

Mashita looked away as a spotlight fell over him, dramatically lighting his face as Yashiki began playing the piano in the background. He began to monologue.

“If this were a normal crime, we wouldn’t even be here… it’s because you dieded and came back to life after committing a crime. We’re not just cops. We’re ghost police. It’s like that classic American film, “Ghostpolice (1984)”...” he monologued so hard.

“Do yew mean Ghostbustahs?” BC2D piped up, before Cinnamoroll fuckign chokeslammed him for killing the moment.

“Oi’m a ghauwst…?” Murdoc repeated, feeling his heart drop into his feets, “Naur… hauwre could oi let this happen……….” he said, falling to his knees as he hwept.

Taking the chance to expose this weakness, Dirk held up his katana, preparing to swipe down on Murdoc’s neck. Just as he was about to strike and finally rid himself of this situation, he was suddenly tackled to the side by YOU!!!!!!!!!!

All hell broke loose (AGAIN), and fighting continued. BC2D and Cinnamoroll grappled for Cinnamoroll’s gun, Noodle and Russel faced off against Yashiki and Mashita, and you were presently in the process of trying to prevent Dirk from ending the story prematurely.

This left Murdoc and Pyramidhead in a clearing in the middle of the room, both of them making polite eye contact in the small bit of peace amongst the chaos.

Murdoc looked up at Pyramidhead, who was a mighty 7’11 to Murdoc’s 4’5. They looked like that one BL base with the giant pointy chin on deviantart. you’ll find it.

“So…” Murdoc started, feeling his heart skip a beat and uwu a little at the presence of the man-monster-thing before him, “What’s yaur favorite shape…?”

Pyramidhead tilted his head forward, front part resting just under Murdoc’s chin and tilting it upward. Murdoc went “Uwaaah!” and blushed all kawaii-like. Pyramidhead-san reached out to hold his hand before marriage, when suddenlyDIRK–

 

FUCK. Finally. Jesus fucking christ that took too goddamn long.

 

I’m getting the hell out of here before you get me tied up in any more bullshit.

 

…

Ah. And happy birthday, John.

---

 

Dirk had left, along with Cinnamoroll and Pyramidhead, leaving Murdoc, Yashiki, Mashita, BC2D, Russel, and Noodle still in the location.

 

“I’ll never forget ‘im….” Murdoc said longingly, pulling out his locket of Hatsune Miki and drawing over the picture with a little sharpie to make it look like Pyramidhead instead.

 

He wouldn’t ;).

Chapter 11: Alphas vs Betas

Summary:

Mashita and Murdoc make a deal....

Alphas vs Betas

 

“Now that that’s settled,” Mashita began, pulling a pair of handcuffs from his jorts pocket as he gracefully schmooved over to Murdoc, “It’s time for you to face justice.”

 

“WAIT!!!!!!!!!!” Yashiki whispered, holding out his hand to Mashita, “First,,, YOU must face justice. For riding a segue without a helmet…”

 

Mashita’s eyebrows flew up his forehead, and he nearly dropped the handcuffs in surprise. How could this be? Years of academy training WASTED. With a grim expression on his face, Mashita gently twerked to the floor. All hope seemed lost, before he suddenly reached into his other jorts pocket, pulling out a bike helmet with a little police siren on top.

 

Everyone gasped, even Russel, and Yashiki’s eyes widened by like 2 inches as Mashita slid the helmet onto his head. Just as Yashiki was about to point out that fixing his wrongdoing didn’t absolve him of any previous crime, their phones rang in unison. 

 

Furrowing his brow, Yashiki whipped his phone out of his trenchcoat pocket, eyes widening another inch as he saw who was calling him.

 

“Aoba?” Yashiki murmured, thinking about his son who had moved to the big city (Carson City, Nevada.) The thought of the melty, but not too melty, city sent a shiver of eugh through him. He spent so long thinking about how much he hates Nevada that he missed the call entirely.

 

Similarly, Mashita despised Nevada, so the second he saw his son’s name, he aggressively started barking at his phone.

 

“Erm,” BC2D began, before softly griddying closer to the two armed men, “Ahn’t chew gonna answer that?”

 

“Tch, don’t tell us what to do, beta,” Mashita growled and huffed and kicked a rock.

 

Yashiki, finally having come back to his senses, attempted to call Aoba back, but the phone call immediately went to voicemail. He shivered again, looking to Mashita with big giant huge eyes.

 

“I knew this would happen eventually. We have to go save him! He could be in danger!” Yashiki howled, grabbing his head and having his elbows up in a kind of ‘what the hell is going on’ way.

 

“Does that mean oi’m nawt gettin’ arrested?” Murdoc prompted.

 

“Justice waits for no one, not even our son,” Mashita angsted, closing his eyes and looking away as a shadow fell over his face. The scary demon floating behind him shook his head also.

 

Yashiki shivered and wiggled and grooved in discontent, looking at Mashita with disbelief. How could he say such things??

 

“I don’t care what you say,” Yashiki glowered at his lover and baby daddy, “Aoba’s been abandoned enough times in his life. It’s time someone stepped up.” said Yashiki, who was not the step-dad, but the dad who stepped up.

 

As he turned to leave the room, suddenly, a pool of water appeared underneath him. With a fearful, life-altered stare, he turned his attention back to Mashita, mouthing faintly, “My water just broke.”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I hate this shit so much,” Dirk hissed in a French accent, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

Despite his best efforts, things hadn’t gone according to plan. Something had shifted the narrative in such a way that he was trapped- nay, gifted the chance to be part of such outrageous bullshit.

 

“If it’s a gift I want a goddamn receipt right now,” Dirk growled out a shitty one-liner, already far and away done with this whole schtick.

 

“...” Pyramidhead asked, turning to Dirk with a solemn, sensual gaze.

 

“He’s right,” Cinnamoroll nodded their lil tiny silly self, “Something feews… weiwd.”

 

“‘Weird’ is an understatement,” Dirk muttered Frenchly, pushing back from his command centre and turning to face the other two, “We need to figure out a solution, fast . I don’t have time to be dealing with this on top of all the other narrative horseshit I have to deal with.”

 

PH turned away, knocking over a potted plant with their big ass head, whispering solemnly and sexilyly, “...”

 

Dirk’s face crumpled in a grimace of disgust and frustration as he wondered how much longer he’d be stuck in this hell. A while, buddy. A while.

 

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Whew, alright, that was a quick fix,” BC2D said as he put some flex tape over Yashiki’s water bottle that had sprung a hole in itself for some reason.

 

“Yeah, thanks for holding my other son- Akira,” Yashiki smiled, taking back the baby he had handed Russel off-screen, tucking them safely into one of those like. You know, one of those baby backpack carrier things?? Anyway

 

Mashita stared pensively at Murdoc, his eyes narrowed with conflicted grief. After a few long minutes of silence only broken by Noodle’s soft rapping, he sighed.

 

“I’ll let you go. On one condition,” he began, trying to convey a look to Murdoc that said ‘do it or i’ll make sure you get the death penalty, or life imprisonment, or a sentence of a minimum of five years.’ Murdoc shivered. He never liked getting those stares.

 

“What is it…?” Murdoc huffed, pouting like >:C.

 

“You have to help us find our son,” he declared, stomping his foot once to assert dominance as the alpha. He opened his phone and opened a tracking app, finding Aoba’s coordinates within mere half-an-hour.

 

“ That ’s where we have tah go…?” Murdoc gulped with a really loud GULP sound.

 

“It’s this or the chair,” Mashita frowned, brow set in a firm line.

 

“Babe, don’t mention the chair in front of Akira,” Yashiki hissed softly. He touched the window wistfully, whispering, “Aoba… we’ll find you somewhere in that twisted jungle of a city…”

 

“You know, they call that city ‘the new Chicago’,” Russel lied.

 

Noodle looked at Russel, who then hung his human head on a horse body in shame. How could he have fallen so much…? He was a liar… AND he was still nakey!! he broke the lost 11th commandment, “Thou shalt be ashamed by natural anatomy.”.....

 

Overwhelmed by shame, Russel sprinted out, jumping through the window as he made his great escape. Noodle held a hand out, wanting to stop him, but it was too late. He had horsed away.

 

“Foine,” Murdoc said, ignoring all of that, “I’ll dew it.”

 

He will. :>

 

or will he? >;9

Chapter 12: A Fresh New Start...

Summary:

Finally,,, Murdoc gets his fresh new start 🥹🥹

A Fresh New Start…

 

 

 

Mashita stared pensively at the wall, tracing each dent and hole with his eyes. The way the wall folded in on itself….. it reminded him of his long lost first love and baby mama.

 

Pennywise.

 

Distinctly different and separate from Hatsune Miki, Pennywise was Mashita's first love, long before he met Yashiki. It was so long ago, in fact, that it was before you were even born. It goes back to ancient times, even. You dont even know.

 

“Shishi?” Yashiki spoke up, brow knit with concern, “I don't know what youre angsting about,,, but we have to go. Aoba could be in serious danger.”

 

Mashita nodded solemnly, before leaping into action. With his super mega strength, he scooped up Murdoc, Noodle, and BC2D. Yashiki can walk, he thought. 

 

He valiantly swept them away into the awaiting stolen police cruiser outside, shoveling all four of them into the backseat as Yashiki gingerly sat his pretty little princess self in the passenger seat, his son Akira (not that one) carefully held in his lap. Mashita slid over the hood of the car, before realizing he had slid over to the wrong side, swiftly fixing his mistake by sliding across the hood again.

 

“Sooo,” Murdoc began, recalling that he was the namesake of the story, “How'd yew two end up wiff two kids, eh? Yew boff look pretty young..”

 

“We found Akira on a beach,” Mashita began, starting up the car's engine, “and Aoba,,,,,,, we also found on a beach.”

 

Murdoc nodded sagely. That was a good way to adopt, these days.

 

“...” Noodle pointed out, giving the gathered men a small, tiny, little smile of victory.

 

“Noodle's roight,” Murdoc started, fired up from Noodle's impassioned speech, “We need tah get goin’! Onward!” He jabbed his finger forward, poking Mashita in the eye.

 

Mashita blinked super hard, before throwing the car into gear a second time, peeling out of the unspecified city street and rushing toward the big, big city of Carson City, Nevada.

 

---

 

As Dirk drummed his fingers on his command console, he suddenly perked up, as if sensing a new presence. He spun around in his spinny chair, accidentally spinning a full circle and having to awkwardly orient himself to face whoever had just appeared. Much to his disappointment, however, it was just Cinnamoroll.

 

“Sir?” Cinnamoroll began, nervously rubbing a paw(??) on the back of their neck(??), “We hawe another pwoblem,” they confessed, causing Dirk to angrily lean back in his seat and press both hands over his face.

 

“Of course we do,” Dirk grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose, “What is it, now…?”

 

“Weww…” Cinnamoroll hesitated, struggling due to how many ‘w’s were in that single word, “Thewe’s a stwanger on the ship. He said he’s wooking for his pawents, and he’s not weaving until you help him find them.”

 

Dirk shot up in his seat, visibly flabbergasted, frantically looking around to check for any other bullshit he might not know about. Though visibly irritated, he prodded, “Where is he?”

 

Cinnamoroll gingerly stepped aside, revealing a figure like 3 times taller than they are who was inexplicably hidden behind Cinnamoroll as they stood in front of the doorway. Dirk’s blood ran cold as he took in the appearance of the figure, and a grimace pressed itself into his features as he processed the sight before him. Pressing his fingers to his temples, he sighed, gathering his thoughts before looking at the other man.

 

“Who are you looking for, exactly…?” Dirk prompted, squinting at the unfamiliar yet strangely anxiety-inducing figure, “And who are you?”

 

“Pennywise and Satoru Mashita. I’ve heard you’re good at finding things, so I thought I ought come to you first,” the incredibly cunty and slayqueen man said, his black hair with blond ends remaining perfectly emo-styled over one eye. With a soft smirk, he added, “As for who I am… you can call me ‘Towa’.”

 

---

 

Mashita sprung out of the car as it skidded to a stop in front of a lovely, traditionally Japanese home. Yashiki elbowed a window out of the police cruiser for style, before climbing out of the car carefully, his son floating several feet away in a bubble of safety and plot armor.

 

Murdoc and the others normally and politely exited the car, chatting amongst themselves as if this was perfectly normal as they walked up the walkway to the front door.

 

Mashita kicked the door open, shouting, “Aoba!”

 

And to their surprise,,,,,,,,,,,,, Aoba was sitting RIGHT THERE.

 

Aoba smiled politely at his dad, giving him a small wave as he greeted, “Hey, pops, you made it. Go ahead and sit down wherever, I’m sure Koujaku doesn’t mind.”

 

“Wait, so you’re not in danger?” Mashita asked, walking into the house, flopping back on the couch beside Aoba and kicking his feet up on the coffee table like a dick.

 

“Danger?” Aoba repeated, raising one of his blue eyebrows and gently tossing his mullet back, “Who said I was in danger?”

 

“We just assumed…” Yashiki trailed off, walking into the house with Akira in his arms.

 

Aoba’s face lit up as he saw his younger brother, and he sprung off the couch, knocking Ren halfway across the room as he walked over with his leg-warmer-wearing self. Yashiki handed him the baby, and Aoba smiled down at him.

 

The Gorillaz squeezed in awkwardly behind the others, before surrounding Aoba to look at the baby. Murdoc’s heart squeezed as he thought of his own baby….. Haha jk. Could you imagine? BC2D took a moment to think about his numerous canonical bastard children, and Noodle vibed in their singlehood.

 

“How owd is he?” Murdoc asked, blinking his big, luscious eyelashes at Aoba.

 

“He’s 547 days old,” Aoba answered, his tone fond and affectionate. He gently bounced Akira in his arms, and at his feet, Ren schmooved.

 

Interrupting this impromptu reunion, Koujaku opened the door to the closet he had been inside of, eyebrows shooting up as he saw the large assortment of people in his home. His expression turned tired, and he turned to Aoba, exasperation clearly written across his features.

 

“ Aoba ,” he began Britishly, his face awash with exhaustion and hopeless resignation to his stupid, stupid boyfriend’s actions, “What did I tell you about inviting people over to my house without asking me…?”

 

Aoba kicked a rock, pouting, “Noiz lets me invite people over…”

 

Koujaku’s face scrunched up at the thought of his other boyfriend. And his other other boyfriend. And his other other other boyfriend. God, polycules were hard to keep track of.

 

“Apologies, young man,” Mashita said, turning to Koujaku, who was the same age as him, “We just came because we thought Aoba might be in trouble.”

 

“Aoba’s always in trouble,” Koujaku chuckled, shaking his head fondly, “But… thank you. We appreciate it.”

 

Murdoc turned to Mashita, pouting his luscious lips and blinking his eyelashes super good, “So does this mean we’re free tah go?”

 

Mashita scrutinized Murdoc for a few long minutes. Long enough for Koujaku to make them all some tea, get everyone sat down, cook them a nice meal, and see their way out the door.

 

“I suppose,” he muttered, getting into his stolen police cruiser alongside Yashiki and Akira, who was now a fully grown adult man and IS the Akira you're thinking of.

 

“You did the right thing, dad,” Akira said, nodding sagely in unison with Yashiki.

 

Mashita didn’t really know if he did the right thing or not, but in that moment, he didn’t care. He was going back home, away from this huge hellscape of a city and back to his home town of Cambridge, Massachusetts.

 

As the three men drove away, Russel teleported in, restored to his fully human body, and turned to Murdoc, his tone lighter and more relaxed than before, “Maybe all of this…” he paused, gesturing around, referring to the whole previous series of adventures they’d been on, “Maybe it was for the best.”

 

Noodle nodded, adding, “Got a lot of new song ideas from it.” she said, the only time she will ever speak across the next 80-some chapters.

 

“Hah! Bright idea of those coppers to set the Gorillaz loose in the jungle!” Murdoc howled, referring to the treacherous, huge, expansive, unyielding, melty but not too melty city of Carson City, Nevada. Murdoc grinned toothily and stomped feetily, before shouting, “Gorillaz… onward!”

Chapter 13: Old Man Yaoi

Summary:

old man,,,, yaoii?? :flushed emoji:

Old Man Yaoi

“So,” Murdoc began, muffled by the burger whooper in his mouth, “What’s the plan fer our fresh new start?”

 

Russel does a little L shape with his fingers right at his chin, before suggesting, “Since the band’s back together, how about a little rebrand? Might help us avoid the heat from all the murders.”

 

BC2D perked up, nodding enthusiastically, “Awroighty, that sounds like a great idea! Maybe we should even change our name, then?”

 

Murdoc balked and guffawed and scoffed and snarled at the idea, narrowing his eyes at the man with blue hair and pronouns, “Yew wot? Oi’m not changin’ the name of this band, no way, no how! We’ve always been the Gorillaz, n’ we ain’t gonna change it now!”

 

“Perchance,” Russel began.

 

Bowing his head, BC2D squirmed in his seat, the burger king crown on his head swaying in the wind (it was drafty.) Perking up again, he suggested, “What if we just change our own names? Or have nicknames?” he turned to Russel, looking at him with his ginormous raven orbs, “C’mon, doesn’t that sound fun?”

 

“Loike I trust yew lot to pick out new identititties!” Murdoc huffed, pouting his big pouty lips poutily, “What we need is an agent… A REAL agent. Not just some guy at the mall who offers to take photos of yew and then goes all ‘oh, I’ve never seen someone with so much natural modelin’ talent’, and then yew go ‘really??’ and he goes ‘really really.’ and then yew go ‘jeez thank yew mistah, how much money can I make offa it?’ and he goes ‘Jus’ slide me fifty dollahs and I’ll get these headshots laminated and you’ll be on yer way’ and then yew do but then he nevah contacts yew again because he didn’t ask for a number or nothin’ and yew get left feelin’ like a fool.”

 

Noodle sympathetically pat Murdoc’s back, nodding sagely. It had happened to everyone at least once.

 

“But where’re we gonna foind an agent…?” BC2D asked, taking another bite of his limited time pineapple frosty that honestly wasn’t very good but when you spend five dollars on something you kinda HAVE to enjoy it, “This city’s loike a jungle! We’ll never foind an agent willin’ to work with us…!”

 

“‘Scuse me, boys (and girliepop),” a voice greeted from behind the group. Upon turning around, they could scarcely believe their eyes……….. Red hair, big giant red nose, receding hairline with a widow’s peak… could it be…….? (no)

 

—----------

 

“Pennywise and Satoru Mashita…” Dirk repeated, his throat dry from disuse, as if he hadn’t spoken in months. “You’re a little too late for that, actually. I just ran into one of them, unfortunately…”

 

“I know,” Towa said, setting a hand on one hip, jutting out his wide omega hips, “That’s why I snuck aboard your ship.”

 

“Why didn’t you just confront him then and there?” Dirk prodded, squinting at the strange man before him. It was a plothole, to be sure, but the sooner he resolved it, the sooner he may be free of the influence of the god-awful narrative.

 

“Well, I know where one of them are, now,” Towa hummed, tilting his head back and exposing his daintily bruised neck. Ooh, kinky. “But I still don’t know where Pennywise is. I tried following some leads, even learned about a man who could effectively have been his double– alas, though, it wasn’t him. Just some bimbo named ‘Hatsune Miki’.”

 

Dirk pinched the bridge of his nose again, sliding back in his chair as he sighed deeply, “Fucking… Hatsune Miki. Of course that’s their name.”

 

“Siww…? Are you otay?” Cinnamoroll asked, ears jangling to the side as he tilted his head with concern.

 

“I’m fine,” he sighed tensely, giving Cinnamoroll a tiny little pat on the head, before recoiling as if he had been burnt. Since when was he one to indulge in bullshit stuff like physical affection…? The narrative must’ve been taking a tougher toll on him than he’d thought. Turning his attention back to Towa, he asked all edgily, “Can you give me a reason as to why I should help you, rather than slice you in half where you stand…?”

 

“It’s simple,” Towa murmured, licking his dry, cracked, dry as hell, chapped as fuck lips, “I’m trying to rail this doctor, so I need my medical history. He said he won’t sleep with me until I get a proper check-up and fill out all the documentation…”

 

“... What? No, I’m not helping you get laid. Fuck off my ship,” Dirk barked out in indignation.”

 

“But siww! He’s wooking for his famiwy…! S-shouldn’t we hewp…?” Cinnamoroll looked up at Dirk with big huge gigantic enormous eyes, “Pwease…?”

 

Dirk opened his mouth to protest, but as he went to form the words ‘fuck no’, he found himself nodding instead, wrists lifting in a puppet-like fashion as his jaw fell open and he spoke, “Yeah. Sure.”

 

Dirk forcibly shivered and swiped at the air, trying to hit some unseen foe, sweating slightly as he panted and huffed. “What the FUCK was that…?” he hissed, glaring at nothing.

 

“You’re unhinged. I like that in a man,” Towa flirted, twirling his dyed blond ends as he murmured, “Just like my ex, Rory… He was blond, too. But he left me for some redhead named Alex. I don’t know what he sees in him. What, am I not shitty enough? He had to go for someone even shittier?”

 

“Just GO,” Dirk shouted at the two of them, forcefully shoving them both out of the room and slamming the door shut.

 

Once the door had closed, it was like a vacuum had sucked all the air out of the room. The atmosphere was silent and completely stagnant, an unsettling chill building at the base of Dirk’s spine as he tried to calm his racing heart.

 

“I need to get the hell out of here,” he muttered, fumbling around waist for his katana. It wasn’t the most elegant solution, but anything was better than being stuck in this story for a single moment longer.

 

The second his finger touched the hilt of the blade, his hand recoiled, as if zapped.

 

Within his mind, an English voice echoed, “Blimey, Dirk…! Don’t do it!”

 

Dirk’s breath hitched at the familiar-sounding voice, and he slowly tilted his head back, staring across the room at the source of the voice. A slightly-transparent twink stood there, worry knitting his brow and a gross little wispy mustache right above his lips.

 

“... Jake?”

 

—--------------------

 

“Hatsune Miki!?” Murdoc gasped, tears welling in his bright blue eyes, “Oi thought yew died…!”

 

The clownish man stared back at Murdoc in confusion, shaking his head, “Hatsune… who? No, no, I’m Pennywise. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard you fine folks talking about rebranding, and, well, that’s sort of my specialty…!”

 

Murdoc felt his heart shatter into 1 morbillion pieces. So it wasn’t his long-lost love and potential future baby daddy. It was just Some GuyTM.

 

“What’re your qualifications?” Russell asked, staring at the other man with a surly, seductive glare.

 

“I’ve been the one getting all of Nicholas Cage’s roles,” Pennywise boasted, puffing up his chest and doing a little dance where his head stayed in place but his body still moved. “AND I’m really good at nicknames. Watch this.”

 

Pennywise turned to Murdoc, scrutinizing him for a long moment, before his big-ass forehead crinkled and he grinned, “You strike me as an… ‘old man yaoi’.”

 

“Old man yaoi!?” BC2D repeated, fanning himself with a traditional japanese fan, “Whoy, Oi’ve nevah heard such a good nickname!”

 

Murdoc’s eyes widened with surprise, before he muttered, “That was my nickname in college…,” clearly irritated by how fitting the name was, then and now, “But what’s in it fer yew?”

 

Pennywise grinned harder, wringing his hands like an evil sidekick in a cartoon, “I want in.”

 

“In what?” Russel asked, raising three brows.

 

“In the band! Duh!” Pennywise snorted, shimmying his hips a little, “I want to be your official back-up dancer…!”

 

“We don’t need dancahs! No deal!” Murdoc huffed and harrumphed and pouted.

 

Noodle put a hand on Murdoc’s forehead, staring him deeply in the soul. By god. She was right.

 

“Well… maybe just for a little bit. But if we decide you’re crampin’ our style, you’re out!” Murdoc declared, pounding his fist on the table, crushing his burger whooper and sending ketchup flying EVERYWHERE.

 

Pennywise nodded, clasping his hands together and looking at the group with wide, innocent, never-murdered-a-child-before eyes, “I promise, I won’t let you down…!”

 

With that, the crew was now assembled, along with their new titles. Old Man Yaoi, Br*tish Boy, The Girl, Russel with One L, and Dimesmart. Only time would tell if they’d become the Gorillaz everyone knew and loved once more…

Chapter 14: Pony Boy

Summary:

It's him,,,

Pony Boy

 

After giving up their terrible nicknames, the group headed to a local office space. In exchange for some cold, wet cash, Russell was able to secure them a space to practice their music, and, even better yet, actually write songs for the first time in several years. 

 

Leering over Noodle’s shoulder, Murdoc squinted at her papers, asking, “Wot’s this all about, then?”

 

As he gazed closer, he realized the song was about their recent adventures, recounted in painstaking, unentertaining, non-summarized detail. But it had a sweet bass riff, so it was probably fine. Nyeowww nyeow nyeow.

 

“Are yew writin’ in the dancin’ segment, too? Or do I have to choreograph that?” Murdoc pressed, pushing Noodle’s forehead back a few inches. She grimaced, biting his hand, causing him to recoil in pain and shimmy and jimmy. “Awroit, awroight I’ll do it!”

 

Russell gazed upon his fellow bandmates with a soft, fiendish smile. Gently, he beckoned Pennywise and BC2D over, urging them to come and have a look at the growing camaraderie. Pennywise sighed dreamily, leaning against BC2D, practically purring as he spoke, “It’s like a dream come true…! I’ve always been such a big Gorillaz fan, you know. Ever since your very first album- Plastic Beach!”

 

“That’s not-” BC2D was cut off as Pennywise slid three fingers over his mouth, silencing him with a soft ‘shhhhhhh.’

 

“What’re we gonna call this next album?” Pennywise asked, looking up at Russell with big ol’ eyes.

 

Russel pondered for a moment, stroking his chin thoughtfully as he watched Murdoc and Noodle fight in a cartoon cloud of smoke, punches and cats and dust clouds flying up from the two of them. Suddenly, a lightbulb appeared above his head, but he paid it no mind as he turned to the other two men.

 

“How about… New Album?” he suggested, smiling with ALL of his teeth, yes even those ones.

 

“That’s brilliant!” BC2D squealed through Pennywise’s hand, nodding excitedly, “We’re sure to top the charts with that one, we are!”

 

“Even in a big huge gigantic city like Carson City, Nevada, it seems like dreams still can come true…!” Penywise teared up, rubbing his beautiful gorgeous eyes with a darling smile, “It makes me wonder… if someone like me really CAN make it with superstars like you.”

 

“Ehhhhh,” Russel said, grimacing.

 

“Oh, okay,” Pennywise frowned, kicking a small rock on the ground, unintentionally kicking it too hard and breaking a nearby window and potentially altering the course of history. Somewhere, a butterfly explodes, and a spaceship continues its maiden voyage… more like GAYden voyage am I right lads??...

 

—--------------------

 

Dirk’s chest heaved with panicked, labored breaths as he stared across the room at Jake. How the hell…?

 

“Dirk, calm down! Deep breaths, alright?” Jake coaxed, walking over in his shorty shorts and kneeling by Dirk’s side. Dirk sucked in a sharp breath, drawing his katana and holding it just under Jake’s neck like some toxic yaoi shit.

 

“Stay back! I don’t know how you got in here, but you’re not supposed to be here…!” Dirk shouted, shoulders shaking with the effort of holding himself back from slicing him in three.

 

Jake stepped back, nearly falling on his perfect ass as he held up his hands, mustache twiddling and twitching on his face, “Woah, jeepers cripers, fucking hell, Dirk! Watch the sword!”

 

Hearing the man’s familiar voice, Dirk fought back the urge to surge forward, instead keeping his hands firmly on his blade. For all the timelines he had been witness to, Jake had scarcely been on his ship in any of them- and to be honest, he preferred it that way. Especially considering the way things had been going lately, the last thing he needed was another variable to deal with. Especially one so,,,,,,,,,,,,,, seductive.

 

Jake stopped picking at his teeth and stood up straighter, holding his hands out at Dirk, “By jove, I think you’ve got your head twisted on backward if you’re drawing that old thing on your best bro!”

 

“Shut up!” Dirk barked and woofed and howleddd, before whispering in a panicked, slightly cracking voice, “No I didn’t!”

 

He took a few deep breaths, steadying himself, before rising slowly and surely to his feet. His gaze slipped past Jake, staring out the front windshield of the ship. Floating by, he noticed a weird, busted-up ship labeled the ‘Pony Express’. He squinted with disgust. Another variable. Just as he moved to blow up the ship, he saw a pony cut-out float past the window. That face…

 

“... God damn I want that stupid horse,” he muttered, sighing heavily and taking his finger off of the ‘blow it the fuck up button.’

 

“That’s more like the Dirk I know,” Jake smiled, putting a bare naked hand on Dirk’s back, massaging his gigantic back muscles. I forgot what they’re called. Trapezoids or something.

 

“Trapezius…” Dirk muttered, blinking moisture from his eyes as he scrunched them shut.

 

“Uh, bless you?” Jake chuckled, blinking his singular braincell around his skull. “Speaking of… there’s something I need your help with.”

 

“Of course you do. Everyone always needs my goddamn help,” Dirk muttered, turning toward Jake, clarifying, “But as soon as I do, you’re getting your ass off my ship. Capiche?”

 

“Got it!” He nodded, clasping his hands together, “I need your help getting me to this place… It’s called… Pandora-”

 

“No.”

 

“But Dirk! C’mon! Please? It’s my greatest wish- think of all the blue babes down there! All the right solid jolly jills I could get my rocks off with! All the-”

 

“STOP,” Dirk groaned in exasperation, turning toward the other man. “Fine. Fine… You want to go to Pandora? Fuck it. We’ll go to Pandora. We’ll go to Pandora, Derse, Prospit, fuck it, we’ll go to McDonalds if you want to!”

 

“Yahoo!” Jake cheered, as did Cinnamoroll, who teleported into the room at the mention of McDonalds.

 

Dirk, who now felt like a tired dad on a shitty vacation, rubbed his temples firmly. It was going to be a LONG voyage…

—----------------------------------------------------------

 

“Ten million copies?!” Murdoc balked, looking at their pre-order sales, “How’m I gonna sing a song ten million times!?”

 

“Why don’t you just record it once and then make copies?” BC2D asked, tilting his head 90 degrees.

 

“Because that’s inauthentic! It’s nawt what the fans deserve!” Murdoc lied, covering up for the fact that he didn’t know how to use the control C, control V function on the keyboard. In fact, he had long since lost the V and C keys from his keyboard, on his phone and on the computer.

 

“Then we’d better get to jammin’,” Russel nodded, looking to Pennywise, who was hauling their gear up from the first floor to the 69th, where their office was. “Penny, hand me my drums.”

 

“A nickname…” Pennywise teared up, his clown makeup running down his face. Excitedly, he sprinted over to Russell, bowling into the much taller man and nearly knocking him over as he threw his arms around him. Russell blushed, looking away as Murdoc fixed him with a heated, hateful glare. To see someone who resembled his lost love so freely embracing Russell… it made his blood foil.

 

“Roight,” Murdoc harumphed, grabbing the microphone from the pile, “Let’s get this show on the road. Pennywise, dance behind me.”

 

“Are you really gonna make me dance ten million times…? They won’t even see it on the disc!” Pennywise gasped like a coward.

 

“It’s for au-then-ticity! If yew can’t even do this, you’ll never make it in the show business!” Murdoc declared, waving his arms wildly.

 

Pennywise grit his teeth, before nodding, tearing away his clown outfit to reveal his vocaloid/mariachi-inspired outfit he had made specifically for dancing. Noodle similarly stood nearby with her guitar, Russell BishBoshed, 2D prepared to sing, and Murdoc got on the based bass.

 

“On my mark! Three, two…!” Murdoc hollered, ready to blow the city away with his tunes.

 

Little did he know, he was leading his greatest foe straight to him… AND his greatest lover…

Notes:

Even more serious fics to come shortly. ;)