Chapter Text
It all started like this: Ashido had burst into the common room, waving her phone and saying that she had a song that she wanted everyone to listen to, asking, “I only know the music box version, does anyone know the lyrical version so I can look it up?”
Then, after waiting a bit for the kids in the common room to quiet down somewhat (though that was only possible due to Kacchan being in his dorm room) she started playing a kind of simple, innocent tune , that Izuku instantly recognized, and started humming lowly to, mouthing some of the words, before quietly singing, “Koe o kakete shimatta, ‘nē, yamena yo.’”
Uraraka heards him, and sat up straight in her chair. “Deku-kun, you know this song?”
“Um.. Y-yeah. I listened to it a lot when I was in Junior High. It’s called Watashi no R , by the way Ashido-san.” Izuku shrugged before going back to his Hero Notes for the Future: Vol. 18 . “IwonderifBackdraftcoupossiblyformwaterbullets? Couldtheyevencontrolwaternotattachedtothem?No,nevermind,iftheycouldtheywould……” Descending into one of his muttering fits, Izuku didn’t notice for a couple of minutes that the room had gone silent with the exception of the low noise of whatever was on the common room television. Finally, after filling the page and the muttering calming down enough, he looked up and saw several of his classmates looking at him in worry. “W-what?”
“Deku-san, is everything alright?” Aoyama asked. Midoriya startled slightly. Where was this coming from?
“Yeah, everything is fine!” Midoriya frantically tried to reassure them. “I’ve never been better!”
“Deku-kun…” Uraraka shifted closer to her friend, gently putting her hand on his shoulder and frowning at the flinch that Izuku still hadn’t quite gotten rid of.
Mina continued when it became clear that Uraraka was focused on something else, “Deku, it’s become a little challenge on TikTok to play this to your friends, because nine times out of ten, the people that know it either are suicidal or at least were in the past. “
Midoriya froze and his eyes widened, looking for all the world like a frightened animal as the room lapsed into silence yet again. “O-oh.”
“What’s going on here?” Shoto asked, having just arrived back from training.
“N-nothing, Todorok-” Kaminari cut Izuku off.
“We found out that Deku is or was suicidal!” He exclaimed, standing up to slam his hands on the coffee table.
“Yeah, and I wanna know some names so I know who to throw into the sun.” Uraraka glowered.
“G-guys, it’s not that bad!” Izuku tried to deflect. “It’s nothing!”
“Midoriya.” Shouto said, imploring his… friend? with his eyes.
“It was nothing.” Izuku asserted, standing up and striding towards the stairs.
Kaminari, Ashido, Aoyama, and Uraraka shared a look before turning as one to Todoroki.
“Even if he doesn’t tell us, he has to tell someone.” Uraraka started.
“Yeah, dude! We all care about him, but you’re the only one he says anything to!” Kaminari whined.
“Come to think of it, that’s right! Deku-kun talks a lot, but I don’t think I’ve heard him say much about himself other than his name and birthday…” Ochako pondered. Conversation picked back up, and no one noticed a certain peppermint boy slip away upstairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After getting no response when he knocked on our greenett’s door, Todoroki wandered about the upper areas of the dorms, wondering where he could find his wayward friend before finally coming across the door to the roof. Ajar as it was, he could hear someone singing from the other side.
“-se no hikui ko wa, kataru. KURASU de no kodoku o
‘Mushi sarete, ubawarete,
Ibasho ga nain da’tte “
Pushing the door further open, Todoroki could see Midoriya leaning against the fence, and knocked on the door frame to announce his presence.
Midoriya sighed, before turning around, looking unsuprised as to who had found him. “Todoroki-kun.”
Not wasting any time and with the tact of a drunk elephant, Shouto asked, “So what were they talking about?”
Izuku winced. “Ashido-san played a non-lyrical version of a song that I listened to in Middle school that has some… concerning lyrics, and they were worried because apparently most people who know that song by heart want to kill themselves.” He turned back to the rail and glanced back at Todoroki. “Though, I guess it holds some credence.”
“What do you mean?” Todoroki eyed the fence on the edge with distrust. He didn’t like how close it was to the edge.
“I was a…. Pretty late bloomer, Todoroki-kun, and kids aren’t very kind to those that they see as weaker or less.” Midoriya turned his gaze to the horizon. “That song, ‘My R’, is focused on single girl who keeps going up to the roof to commit suicide, but there’s always someone else there before her, and she talks them out of it. The first one is a girl who got rejected by someone, the second one was a girl that was bullied severely, and the last one she saves was a girl that was abused at home.
“That song still strikes a chord with me, you know. I can’t tell you the amount of times I came into homeroom in middle to find someone had written things like ‘Useless,’ ‘worthless,’ ‘Die Deku,’ or things telling me to kill myself. I had to learn how to set dislocated limbs when I was seven , because my schoolmates wanted to see if ‘Quirkless Deku’ could withstand a tumble down a flight of stairs after tying my shoes together.” Midoriya rolled up his pant leg, revealing a gnarly looking scar that was about three inches in length on his calf.
“That is from the one time I had to go to the hospital because a classmate wanted to see how his ‘Quake’ quirk would work on the human body. I had hairline fractures everywhere, with the exception of this,” he tapped the scar. “That is where my fibula snapped in three, and decided my skin would be a good exit point. Do you want to know how that kid was punished?” Izuku glared at the rail and rolled his pant leg down.
“He was given a two week suspension and another week's detention. He didn’t get a mark on his record, instead, while I was in the hospital, being told that I might never walk again , the school put a note on mine that I was a ‘troublemaker,’ and that with two more marks like that I’d be expelled. It took my Okaa-san threatening to sue for discrimination for them to accept my doctors note explaining that I was out of school for almost a year because I physically could not get out of bed !” Angry tears rolling down his face, Izuku was trembling from where he was furiously gripping the railing. Shouto stayed silent, not knowing what to say to comfort his friend.
“I thought about it, you know.” Midoriya whispered, words almost being lost with the roar of Shouto’s heartbeat in his ears. Todoroki’s blood turned to ice.
“... What?” The half and half boy breathed.
“I’ve thought about committing suicide. Not as much anymore, I have more to live for now than I ever did before UA. It would have been so easy. The only person who would’ve trulymissed me would have been my mother, but she would have had an easier time of it; with an absentee husband and a quirkless son who committed suicide, she would have at least been able to take advantage of people’s pity and fake sadness. Ultimately, I never really tried because I knew she’d be too sad to take care of herself properly.” Wiping his face, Midoriya steadied himself. “Besides, by killing myself I’d only give them what they wanted, and I wasn’t about to do that.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unknown to the two on the roof, one of the windows on the top dorm was open, and a certain student heard everything.