Chapter Text
Rick looked around at the ruins that had been Alexandria and felt a bone chilling terror. He had finally made it back home, but it was too late. Everything was gone, the city burned to ashes and no one around. THE Kingdom and Hilltop were gone too. If it had just been one he might have had hope but then there were also the blood soaked spikes bordering each community. He didn’t know exactly what had happened but seeing the utter desertion of the other communities and the ruins he was now facing he knew that they were all gone.They were all gone. His family gone and nothing but bitter ashes and rubble as far as he could see. He had fought so hard to make it back to them to let them know that he hadn’t given up on them and it was too late.
He remembered the laughter of Judith when she was playing with Maggie. The beautiful smile of Michonne when she beat Tara in a bet. He remembered the soft smile on Carols face after she was finally able to retire. He remembered all the little things that made his family so special and felt his heart squeeze tight. While he had loved Michonne he recognized now that it had been circumstances that had made the relationship happen. While he would always care for her and remember her as family she wasn’t the one who his heart longed for, the one that his psyche called out for and longed to have next to him again.
Because most of all he remembered the steadfast feeling of Daryl at his shoulder. He remembered every time that Daryl held him up over the years, starting with the death of Lori. The way his dark blue eyes would squint at him as though he could read every thought that Rick had. Suddenly it was as though his spine was struck with lightening. How could he have not realized that Daryl wasn’t his brother, he was the other half of him? Because so many strong emotions felt towards men had to be labeled, he had labeled it as a brotherhood, but it wasn’t. It was a true partnership in every way but as carnally intimate because they had always had a physical intimacy that showed their love and trust for each other. Rick realized that every day even up until the day they thought he had died Daryl had shown his respect, support and admiration for Rick even when he thought that Rick was being stupid. He remembered that one of the last things Daryl told him is that he would die for him and Rick had just taken it for granted that he would always be there.
With tears clogging his throat Rick remembered a conversation with Jenner from so many years ago.
“There’s your chance, take it” Jenner said to Rick with pity.
“I’m grateful, “replied Rick gruffly.
With sadness in his eyes Jenner replies, “the day will come when you won’t be.”
Rick wishes that he only knew then what he knew now. There would be no second chances. The people that they had lost could have survived if he just knew what he needed to become earlier. He could have found them a safe place and they would have been strong. They would have survived. Even Lori might have been able to make it, though he knows now that he still would not have reconciled with her.
With a heavy heart and tears in his eyes Rick put the python to his temple and prayed to a God he wasn’t even sure he believed in anymore. He prayed that he would be reunited with his family and with the love of his life. Then he pulled the trigger and knew no more.