Chapter Text
“You’re so annoying.” You roll your eyes, pop your gum, eyes plastered on your Instagram feed. Scroll, scroll, scroll.
“Like I give a shit what you think, fucktits.” He hisses from the desk in front of you. Kirishima glances back at you from the seat next to Lord Explosion Murder—stupid name!— his red eyes pleading for you to stop. Like hell you will.
You set your phone down, wicked grin on your face, the ‘gram long forgotten. “Fucktits? Are you projecting, Bakugo?”
His pencil snaps in his fist, splinters of wood fall to his desk and the floor by his left shoe. “Fuck you! You know what I meant, asshole!” He turns, then, shoots a signature glare at you; it only fuels your need to bait him.
“Now you’re just straight up fucking me?” You gasp melodramatically, holding a hand over your heart; his eyes positively bulge. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of thing—”
You’re silenced by the door sliding opening, Aizawa wandering in. Unlike the asshat sitting in front of you, you’d never speak out of turn in front of the teacher. You’re a good girl, with perfect grades and an interesting quirk. You’ll be a hero as soon as you graduate; six months to go.
You can still see the tension in Bakugo’s shoulders. For some reason it makes you grin, though you do your absolute best to suppress it.
“It has been brought to my attention that we have not been undertaking enough classes to improve your life skills.” Aizawa announces, sounding mildly annoyed. He takes a whiteboard marker from his desk and turns to the board. “There will be two new subjects, and no, Yaoyorozu, your grades in these will not affect your GPA,” his back is to the class, and still he felt your desk neighbour shoot her hand up. “These subjects are purely for your benefit, however best grade in both wins a prize.”
Home Economics.
Taxes and Money Management.
Chatter breaks out amongst the student, Momo turning straight to you. “It’s like normal high school.” Shes excited. “We’re going to get to hatch a baby chicken!”
Your immediate thought is: ew.
It isn’t until she says that, however, that you realise what’s probably going to happen: couple projects.
“Yaomomo—” you start, but Aizawa cuts you off.
“Home Economics will be thirty minute cooking classes Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays before lunch; you’ll also have a baby you’ll need to keep alive— not a real baby, they’re electronic, but they record everything, so no abandoning them in their hours of need.” He continues, the epitome of disinterested.
“A baby!” Toru gasps happily. “How exciting!”
“And Tax and Money Management will be hour long classes on Tuesdays.” The teacher continues. “Any questions?” Hands shoot into the air, he nods at Yaoyorozu.
“Sensei, we’re not getting chicks to hatch?” She sounds crestfallen.
“Too risky. At least if the doll gets ambushed, it’s just a doll. With the League still around, we need to be conscious—”
The door slides open and All Might rolls in a cart.
“Speaking of.” Aizawa approaches him, opens the large container and peers inside. “Now, I want no objections, All Might and I have spent a whole day sorting this out with Midnight, so you’ll suck it up and work in the teams you’re assigned.”
There it is.
Chatter breaks out again, and dread swells in your stomach. You’re gonna be a mama, and there’s gonna be a papa. You pray for someone fun, eyes darting around the room. Sero, Denki, Mina, Kirishima. Any of those would be great! Preferably not the asshole in front of you, or the villain magnet Deku.
“We have eleven babies and twenty-two students.” All Might says over the noise. But it only makes the chatter rise.
Momo grabs your sweater sleeve and pulls you into the walkway between your desks. “Surely we’ll get someone we can work with?” She asks, voice hushed.
“Wait, sir!” Denki calls out. “There’s seven girls and fifteen boys.”
“Yes, Kaminari, there will be four male couples.” All Might grins, sending him his famous thumbs up. You barely manage to keep in a snort of laughter, before turning back to Momo.
“Fingers crossed I get Sero, because we get along the best; no doubt they’ve put you with Todoroki.” You say, hand clamped around her ear for maximum secret keeping.
“Couple one: Aoyama and Koda.” Aizawa calls out. There’s dead silence. Then the both of them slowly stand and make their way to the front of the class.
You hear suppressed giggling, short snorts of laughter.
“Here’s her birth certificate—” Aizawa begins saying to Koda while Aoyama takes the baby, then he changes to announce the class again. “You’ll get a birth certificate. Fill it out together. Name your baby.” He grabs another one out of the cart, turns a key in its back. “In the back here, it opens. Mum and dad will both have to call the baby’s name three times each to set it. Say it calmly, as if you would address an actual baby.
“There’s a button to press to record. Once that is done, I’ll take your key tag. No more opening baby up.” He says. “You’ll get a baby bag filled with reusable diapers. They’re not real— and the babies will not soil them— they have barcodes on the inside that are read by the scanner on the baby’s bottoms; if the same diaper is used more than once in a timeframe, baby will be very unimpressed.” He opens a bag and demonstrates the barcode, holding up a diaper for the class to see. “Same thing with the bottles. There’s not anything in them, but there’s a little chip; can’t use the same one without ‘sterilising’ it. The steriliser is also in the bag. It’s pretty much like charging your phone.” Aizawa then pulls out a bottle and the steriliser. It can hold three bottles, and you place them teat down in the designated slots.
That’s… a lot of information.
“I’m excited for you all. Parents are hero’s in their own right.” All Might adds.
“Don’t record the naming in here. Once you have your baby, take it for a walk with your partner and name it somewhere quiet.” Aizawa glances down at his sheet of paper. “Ashido and Iida.”
A collective gasp. It’s an odd pairing. Your blood runs cold as Mina sends Tenya a bashful shrug on their way up to collect their baby, certificate, and diaper bag.
“Asui and Sero.”
Your eyes widen and you send a look to Momo. Sero is your friend, you have similar interests and sharp tongues in common. He glances at you on his way up, ‘I dunno, man’, written all over his face. They’ll be a good team, you can see it, but it’s frustrating. Your chances of getting someone irritating only rises.
They collect their things, and they laugh together when Sero doesn’t quite know how to hold the baby. It manages to pull at your heartstrings. They actually look good together.
“Bakugo and [name].”
“What?!” You both object together, him a little— a lot, actually— louder than you. The room goes dead silent. Your spats together are famous. One time he actually attempted to blow you up—you quickly stopped his time and escaped, laughing like a hyena.
Surely Aizawa knows about Bakugo and his need to yell and swear and try and blow up everything he disagrees with?
Nevertheless, you bite your tongue and rise, pass him on your way up to the front, jaw clenched.
“Sensei, wouldn’t he do better with one of the guys? He’s insensitive and loud.” You say quietly, glancing back at the glaring asswipe. Aizawa puts the baby in your arms. It feels weighted, like a real baby, skin soft and supple to touch.
“You’ll be fine.” He says gently, then looks past you. “Daddy, come get the birth certificate and diaper bag.” He says, teasingly; you’re too annoyed to laugh along with the rest of the class.
“This is so fucking stupid.” Bakugo stands loudly, stomps up to the front and snatches the piece of paper, leaves the bag.
“Hey, be careful with that.” You frown at him.
Electricity— not the good kind— sparks between you, before he loses the staring contest and makes his way back to his desk. So immature.
You grab the bag and head back down the aisle.
Back in your seat, Momo sends you a mournful glance, mouths ‘it’ll be okay’. You just nod, look down at the little doll in your arms.
The rest of the couples are a bit of a blur, but Momo gets paired up with Kirishima and Todoroki gets Jiro. Not even Midoriya and Uraraka end up together. He gets Shinso and she gets Ojiro.
“It’s… 1pm,” Aizawa sighs, looking up at the clock. “Use the rest of the afternoon to go through the birth certificate and name your child. If you face any issues, I’ll be in here until 4pm; I’ll expect all of the key tags to be returned by then. Good luck.” He smiles and dismisses the class. A few couples leave, Momo included, but you just sit there for a moment and stare at the prickly blonde head of your baby daddy.
This is going to be great.