Chapter Text
1.
When Shen Yuan first wakes up in the world of << Proud Immortal Demon Way >>, he knows his place.
He is, of course, the Xiu Ya sword, the peak lord of Qing Jing Peak, a scholarly immortal favored by the leader of the sect himself for who knows whatever reason.
He is also the person who will abuse a child and push him into the Endless Abyss, triggering the protagonist to finally awaken in his final form. Luo Binghe will take revenge for all that was done to him in his past and tear Shen Qingqiu limb from limb, and reduce him to nothing.
...Yeah right.
As if Shen Yuan will let something like that happen.
Once OOC restrictions are lifted, Shen Yuan, Qingqiu now, takes full advantage of the fact. As per the first thing on his agenda (if you can call waking up in a novel and then trying to stay alive an “agenda”), Shen Qingqiu stops the abuse immediately. He’s not a child abuser, whether said child is fictional or not.
And besides, Luo Binghe of now was nothing like the Luo Binghe that would grow up to destroy Cang Qiong in the future. There was nothing of that suave, unbeatable stallion protagonist with a harem with a body count in the hundreds.
No, instead, the first Luo Binghe that Shen Qingqiu comes to learn is a fumbling white lotus. There is no malice in his eyes when he stares up at Shen Qingqiu. Maybe apprehension at first, but now only earnestly. With a desperation to please, and receive kind words in return, Shen Qingqiu balks at the idea that this is the face the original goods had looked upon and decided to beat black and blue.
It makes Shen Qingqiu’s heart clench, how desperate this younger Luo Binghe is for the approval of his Shizun, who up until now, has not spared a kind glance at him once.
And it’s not exactly like Shen Qingqiu can blame him for seeking out affection from the person who’s probably the only person who has shown it to him. The whole stickiness thing is probably something that will wear off anyways, when Luo Binghe has enough wives to span the whole mountainside.
This is the reasoning he gives himself when Luo Binghe stumbles into him for the fifth time while practicing sword forms.
Shen Qingqiu catches him easily, noting with some satisfaction that Luo Binghe has finally put on some weight, no longer looking like the half-starved child that he was when Shen Qingqiu first laid eyes on him.
“Shizun, this disciple apologizes,” Luo Binghe says hastily, righting himself quickly and lowering his head.
Shen Qingqiu sighs, hitting Luo Binghe’s head lightly with the back of his knuckles. “Is this master’s teachings really so poor that he can not teach his disciple the basics of sword fighting?”
Luo Binghe shakes his head rapidly in an attempt to dissuade Shen Qingqiu of the notion that his teachings could be anything less than perfect. He fumbles several times in his haste. Absolutely nothing like the OP protagonist, Shen Qingqiu thinks, watching this clumsy child with some level of amusement.
“That’s enough,” he tells Luo Binghe, cutting him off mid-apology. “Binghe simply needs more practice.”
“This disciple is stupid,” Luo Binghe readily agrees.
Shen Qingqiu tuts. “That isn’t what this master is saying. He doesn’t fault you for taking more time than everyone else. It is better to struggle now so things can go smoother later. There is no use in rushing things.”
Luo Binghe nods, eyes bright. “Yes, Shizun!”
“Good,” Shen Qingqiu nods. “Then, that’ll be enough for today. Why don’t we go back inside, hm?”
“This disciple will make tea for Shizun,” Luo Binghe says, and rushes ahead of Shen Qingqiu and into the bamboo house without another word.
Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes. Truly, this Luo Binghe is nothing like how Shen Qingqiu could have ever imagined.
2.
If he was asked, Shen Qingqiu would say that above all, he wants to live. That’s the point of all this. And he understands what he has to do to make that happen.
There is a lot that Shen Qingqiu is willing to do so long as it’s a step in achieving that goal.
If that means letting go of his pride once or twice, it’s fine with him. What’s pride in the face of his rest of his life?
It’s the rest that doesn’t quite sit with him.
The Immortal Alliance Conference is fast approaching. It’s one of the key points of the novel after all, the one that will start the protagonist’s rise to power. And Shen Qingqiu has to be the catalyst of it, according to that damn Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky.
Throwing a child off of a cliff and into the PIDW version of hell is something he has never had to do before. It is also something that, as Shen Qingqiu comes to terms with, he doesn’t want to do. Ever.
Not if he can afford it.
3.
“Binghe, do you want to become strong?”
It’s a copout. A way to absolve himself of any blame if Luo Binghe does answer yes, something to point to and ‘See? He wants to get strong! If I push him down, it is for his own good.’
It makes Shen Qingqiu queasy. He’s no stranger to this kind of thinking, forcing himself to believe one thing when every inch of him is against it, and he’s certain it won’t be the last time he’ll ever have to do it.
And it only makes him feel a little better when Luo Binghe sits straight up and tells him:
“More than anything!”
Shen Qingqiu looks at Luo Binghe. “Even if it meant you had to endure trial on trial, and go through incredible hardships? If you had to endure the worst suffering known to man, would you still want it?”
Luo Binghe falters, and instead stares at him curiously. It’s moments like these where Shen Qingqiu is reminded that Luo Binghe is not an idiot. “Shizun... Shizun looks upset.”
Lies. Shen Qingqiu knows how to control his facial expressions. No part of it should have revealed that Shen Qingqiu is feeling anything right now other than complete calm, asking his disciple an innocent question that has no bearing whatsoever on any future events to come.
“Has something happened?” Luo Binghe continues. “If Shizun is worried about how this disciple will perform at the conference, there is no way this Binghe will do poorly with Shizun’s teachings.”
Shen Qingqiu wants to laugh. If only that was the height of his concerns. Too bad he already knows that Luo Binghe will certainly place first. How humiliating would it be for a protagonist if he didn’t?
“This master was just curious,” Shen Qingqiu says dismissively. “Binghe needn’t worry about it.”
Luo Binghe doesn’t push further. “If this one can grow up to be able to protect the people he loves, then that will be enough strength for me.” He stares at Shen Qingqiu acutely as he delivers the line.
Luo Binghe is always strangely intense when it comes to protagonist-like declarations like this. Shen Qingqiu thinks nothing of it.
“Binghe is very admirable,” Shen Qingqiu says after a beat.
Inwardly, his resolve to push Luo Binghe down into the Abyss wavers even more.
4.
“System,” Shen Qingqiu asks that night. “Does Luo Binghe have to fall down in the Abyss?”
[Does the user really want to know?]
“Yes.”
[Asking the user once again, are you sure you want to know this information?]
“What the fuck? Are you broken or something? Did you not hear me the first time?”
[...]
Shen Qingqiu wishes the System was a person. Punching a blue hologram feels way less satisfying than punching a person.
“If you’re not going to answer, nevermind.” Shen Qingqiu waves at the screen irritatedly.
[If the user is looking for a clear answer: You do not have to throw Luo Binghe down the Abyss.]
Shen Qingqiu frowns despite himself. Something about the way the System delivered that... is off. It speaks to how stressed he is about the upcoming conference that the relief he feels at the statement is enough to overshadow whatever suspicion he has. ‘Jesus. Was that so hard?’
[Indeed.]
Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know what it means for the state of his sanity that he is now able to pick up sarcasm from a voice that sounds like Google Translate audio. “And you didn’t think to inform me of this before?”
[There are consequences to changing a major plot point of the novel.]
No shit. As if Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know how the System works by now. “What’s the cost?”
Shen Qingqiu curses at the number the System spits back out with him. He’d think if things were going to be this costly the System would at least have half a mind to give him more than fifty B-points every mission. What the hell was wrong with this system, threatening near death with every failure but giving a fraction of that in rewards with every success?
A fucking rip-off is what it is.
“And if I don’t have that many points?”
It takes a moment for the System to respond. [There is an alternative way to fulfill the cost requirement.]
“Which is?”
[Giving something up in exchange.]
Shen Qingqiu blanches. Like a life for a life? The whole purpose of this was for him not to die, thank you very much. He tells the System as much.
[Luo Binghe will fall into the Abyss by the hands of Shen Qingqiu unless host user Shen Qingqiu gives something up of equal value.]
Something of equal value? What could be so important to his own survival that could compare to saving Luo Binghe’s life? Sure, Luo Binghe wouldn’t necessarily die, but this version of him would. And that is what Shen Qingqiu is trying to save.
...No matter how Shen Qingqiu looks at it, isn’t the answer Shen Qingqiu’s own life in exchange? Like hell.
If not his life, then his body?
That thought makes Shen Qingqiu shudder. He isn’t keen on giving up a limb, or any other body parts for that matter. He needs his arms to fight, and his legs for the same reason.
He needs his eyes. How is he supposed to fight anything if he can’t even see what’s coming for him?
He needs his tongue, he needs to be able to speak--
Shen Qingqiu pauses.
Does he?
Shen Qingqiu is a scholar, sure, but shouldn’t most of that be for writing anyway? He technically could live without being able to speak. There are other ways of communicating. And if there aren’t, Shen Qingqiu will find one.
...The logic isn’t flawless. Sue him.
He doesn’t even know if it will work as a proper “exchange”.
Shen Qingqiu clears his throat, and tells the System, “My voice.” He feels like a fairytale character. Which considering the circumstances, he supposes it’s not the most far-off comparison a person can make.
[Your voice.]
Wow. Shen Qingqiu can actually hear the incredulity.
“Shen Qingqiu can’t protect himself if he doesn’t have his words to protect himself with,” Shen Qingqiu argues. “By losing his voice he may as well have lost his life.”
Of course, Shen Qingqiu will have to think of some other way to defend himself, since he doesn’t particularly intend to just roll over and die, but that is a worry for tomorrow.
The System doesn’t respond right away, which Shen Qingqiu takes as agreement.
[If you lose your voice, you will not push Luo Binghe down into the Abyss.]
Shen Qingqiu wonders, “And how long do I have to decide?”
[The Immortal Alliance Conference is in three days. You have until then before this option is removed from the program.]
Shen Qingqiu waves the System away. His head hurts, and he wants to go to bed.
From past the thin walls, he hears Luo Binghe quietly snore.
-
Attempting to sleep is a futile effort.
By the time the sun starts to rise, Shen Qingqiu has already more or less made a decision on what he wants to do.
He doesn’t want Binghe to fall down the Abyss.
His voice isn’t the largest price he could pay for that. And at the end of the day, it’s not like it’s an entirely selfless decision. Shen Qingqiu wants to live. Preserving Luo Binghe’s white lotus state is only a small part of the matter. Too small to even count, as a matter of fact.
5.
With his remaining days until the conference, Shen Qingqiu plans trips.
He feels a little shameless doing so, purposefully seeking out the people it wouldn’t be weird for him to approach out of the blue like this, only for the selfish reason of wanting to use vocal cords for what could be the last time.
But only a little.
Truthfully, Shen Qingqiu is used to living life on a time limit. In his last life, he is positive that had he not died from the food poisoning, he would have only had a few years to live regardless.
He has always been painfully aware of his own mortality.
He’s eternally grateful that his disciples are independent enough now that, while they all seek his praise, are more than capable of handling themselves for the next two days while Shen Qingqiu is occupied. Pats on the back to him for teaching them so well.
He’ll leave someone in charge before he departs.
But first, he thinks, staring at the white lotus in front of him, he should probably deal with this.
“Shizun, maybe I should go with you?” Luo Binghe proposes to him hopefully when Shen Qingqiu tells him of his plans.
Shen Qingqiu pulls out his fan and taps Luo Binghe on the head lightly with it. “Nonsense. Disciples should be working on their cultivation, not following their masters around while they run errands.”
Luo Binghe looks down. “Shizun...” He pouts.
Shen Qingqiu wants to roll his eyes. This is all to help you, you know.
“Binghe,” he says instead. “Be good.” Shen Qingqiu replaces the fan on Luo Binghe’s head with his own palm, patting him gently. “Don’t you wish to get a good result during the Immortal Alliance Conference?”
Like a switch, Luo Binghe’s brightens. With the sun hitting them from an angle, it almost looks like his eyes start to glow. “This disciple will work hard and await Shizun’s return.”
Shen Qingqiu smiles, and departs for his visits.
-
First:
“Yue-shixiong, if you have the time tonight, would you be opposed if I joined you for dinner?”
Yue Qingyuan seems to glow with the invitation. “If Qingqiu-shidi wishes, I would be happy to share a meal with you.”
-
And then:
“Mu-shidi, I had some questions about the healing properties of one of the flowers in this book, if Mu-Shidi wouldn’t be averse to explaining it to me.”
“Of course. Would Shen-shixiong like to discuss it over tea?”
-
And then:
“Shen Qingqiu? Why are you here?”
Shen Qingqiu raises an eyebrow. “What if I said it was to teach you how to respect your seniors?”
Liu Qingge growls in annoyance, just like Shen Qingqiu expects him to.
“I only jest, Liu-Shidi. Is it wrong of me to want to see my marital brother? What if I just wanted to chat with you?”
Liu Qingge turns his head away. “A waste of time,” he says, and starts to lead the way to his private quarters.
-
And last:
“Binghe, could you come here for a moment?”
Luo Binghe’s eyes light up. He instantly scurries over to Shen Qingqiu’s side. “Is there something Shizun needs?”
Shen Qingqiu smiles fondly. “Would Binghe like to sit here and listen to some poems?”
6.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Shen Qingqiu asks. “You have everything?”
“Yes, Shizun,” Luo Binghe answers dutifully.
“Show me what you’re bringing,” Shen Qingqiu insists anyways. “It won’t hurt to be extra cautious.” He starts rummaging through the contents of Luo Binghe’s belongings. “Remember, if there is something you can’t handle, there is no shame in running away. Your life is the most important. Don’t worry about doing well if things get too difficult.”
Shen Qingqiu pats him on the head, and it strikes him just how tall Luo Binghe has gotten as of late. Not quite near the height Shen Qingqiu is currently at, but enough that head pats seem a little awkward now. He drops his hands to Luo Binghe’s shoulder and pats again.
Luo Binghe’s grins happily. Shen Qingqiu hopes it can stay like that.
“This lowly one will be sure to make Shizun proud!”
As if there was any way you couldn’t, Shen Qingqiu thinks with an eye roll. He wouldn’t bet so much on Luo Binghe if he didn’t have full faith in the sheer power of the protagonist.
Shen Qingqiu waits until Luo Binghe departs to call the System again.
It doesn’t hurt like Shen Qingqiu had expected to have his voice taken away. He had thought it would have felt his throat getting constricted, or his oxygen leaving him, but there is nothing. One moment, Shen Qingqiu is able to speak, and the next instance he is not.
And really, what else is there to it?
7.
Shen Qingqiu, as he watches everything play out from these knockoff cameras Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky has created for this world, has envisioned how this will go. The Abyss will still open, but Luo Binghe won’t fall because Shen Qingqiu won’t push him, and Shen Qingqiu in turn will be able to keep all of his limbs attached to himself.
Luo Binghe will stay his white lotus, and grow up happily. Should his demonic nature reveal itself regardless, Shen Qingqiu will support him through it.
Luo Binghe will live.
Shen Qingqiu won’t die.
Then Mobei Jun appears, and everything falls to pieces.
8.
Luo Binghe is in the Abyss. It is a sentence Shen Qingqiu might have considered in the beginning to be an absolute truth.
He didn’t think it would be true now.
Luo Binghe is not with him right now. Of course he isn't, because he is in the Abyss.
What the fuck? Why is Luo Binghe not with him? What is he doing in the Abyss?
Shen Qingqiu stares at the remains of Luo Binghe’s sword by his feet blankly.
It’s only in this moment that Shen Qingqiu is finally able to place just what was so odd when the System had given him the alternative; “You will not push Luo Binghe down into the Abyss,” it told him. The System had never promised that Luo Binghe won’t fall down at all, only that it wouldn’t be at the hands of himself.
And what a bitch hindsight is.
As it turns out, if it is not Shen Qingqiu that throws him down, it will be Mobei Jun that drags him in.
Shen Qingqiu, in this universe, is simply a bystander that watches quietly as a weak, young, Luo Binghe is forcefully pulled down to a place worse than Hell as he screams for his Shizun to please understand, this disciple begs for your forgiveness, he won’t ever hide a thing from Shizun again, Shizun said demons also can be good, Shizun said no one was intolerable to the heavens, please don’t let him take me, Shizun, please save me, Shizun, Shizun, Shizun!
The Endless Abyss closes with much less fanfare than it opened with, only the slight rumbling of earth giving any indication that it was doing anything at all.
The damage left by the demons must have been insurmountable for there to be so much dust in the air, because Shen Qingqiu’s eyes start itching soon after.
Truthfully, Shen Qingqiu should have suspected it.
He should have suspected that there were some things that truly could not be changed.
He should have known that the System had made him give up something he didn’t have to lose because the System is an abomination sent straight from the Abyss itself, that all Shen Qingqiu had done at best was save his own skin, and wasn’t that his goal in the first place?
Shen Qingqiu never forgot that. His goal in mind had always been to save himself first.
If that’s the case then, has anything really been changed at all? Like nightmare fuel, Luo Binghe’s face just as he’s dragged down flash in front of Shen Qingqiu’s face. Wouldn’t a person capable of making that kind of grief-stricken face be able to turn that grief into murderous anger?
Shen Qingqiu heals the fallen disciples near him. His head throbs. He forgoes healing himself. He can do that later. If there is blood on his robes and face and scratches on his skin, so be it. He is an immortal cultivator, or at least pretending to be.
Shen Qingqiu pauses at where his thoughts lead him up to.
That was right.
Somehow, in the mess of everything, Shen Qingqiu had actually believed himself to really be a Peak Lord in a world where things like cultivation and immortality existed. As if he was not a transmigrator desperately trying to survive in a web novel that he had spent much of the remaining years of his life avidly criticizing. Shen Qingqiu had almost forgotten that Luo Binghe was not only the white sheep he had watched grow up into a confident young man; No, Luo Binghe was the protagonist. How on earth had Shen Qingqiu forgotten what that meant? The protagonist can’t die.
What was Shen Qingqiu thinking, offering his voice up to protect someone who was already invincible?
What was Shen Qingqiu thinking pretending like any of this was real?
Once the disciples are healed, he collects the broken pieces of Zheng Yang and makes his way back to where the peak lords have regrouped, counting the injured and the deceased with grim looks on their faces.
He has no idea what expression he’s making when Yue Qingyuan spots him, but it is enough for him to come over and check on him, gesturing for Mu Qingfang to follow. “Qingqiu-shidi, are you alright?”
Shen Qingqiu feels lightheaded. Another oddity, considering that healing minimal damages isn’t enough to cause a severe depletion of qi for an immortal. Although it had admittedly been some time since Without a Cure was treated. That was probably it.
Liu Qingge also makes his way over, as if suddenly all the peak lords think it's a good idea to suffocate him. His eyes dart to either side of Shen Qingqiu. “Where is that disciple of yours?”
Yue Qingyuan finally stops fussing over Shen Qingqiu in that weird way he does with hovering hands that never touch, and notices that Shen Qingqiu’s own hands are not empty. “Xiao Jiu, what is that?”
He makes a move to reach for the shards Shen Qingqiu had collected. Shen Qingqiu stumbles back a few steps, startled. He holds the shattered pieces of Zheng Yang closer to himself. He can’t give them to anyone else! Luo Binghe is still in the Abyss. If it’s not the push into the Abyss that will make him want to kill Shen Qingqiu, then what if it’s this instead? What if when Luo Binghe comes back, he finds out that Shen Qingqiu had gotten rid of his sword at his earliest convenience, and that’s the tipping point for him to tear him limb to limb?
Shen Qingqiu won’t risk it.
Yue Qingyuan watches the action, and his face clears in some sort of pained understanding.
Shen Qingqiu has not the slightest idea what there is to understand.
Ning Yingying is the first of the disciples to realize what the shattered sword remains imply. She bursts out crying. Ming Fan makes a face. Slowly but surely, all those present at the Immortal Alliance Conference seem to realize just what happened to Shen Qingqiu’s most favored disciple. Some cultivator is saying something, about what a tragedy this is, how the cultivation world has lost a golden disciple.
Shen Qingqiu can’t find it in him to care. Talking about Luo Binghe’s ‘supposed death’ right in front of him? Luo Binghe isn’t even really dead. Not all of him at least. Only the part Shen Qingqiu had raised.
His hands remain steady, seemingly effortless as he holds the sword remains carefully, so as not to cut himself on them.
His mind, on the other hand, is still in a frenzy. Had the ending changed? Had any of this worked? Or did the System lead him to a dead end and only make him believe there was any way out of this? Had Luo Binghe falling just put things back on the right path?
Would Shen Qingqiu still die?
Ha.
Hahaha.
If he constantly has to ask that question to himself, he supposes he already knows the answer.
It’s a small mercy that he can’t talk anymore. What the hell is he even supposed to say?
Yue Qingyuan clears his throat and announces to everyone: “Qing Jing Peak notes down one casualty. It seems that Luo Binghe has been attacked during the demon invasion, and killed.”
9.
One of the first things Shen Qingqiu does when they make it back to Qing Jing is make a sword mound.
It’s rather nice, if he says so himself. He can’t stop himself from observing it whenever he walks by the area that it’s buried in. He’s never actually seen one made in real life before, so to be able to make it just by novel descriptions, Shen Qingqiu feels that his careful observance of the sword mound is well deserved. No matter that hours will pass before he remembers his other responsibilities of the day.
Ming Fan is the one to make him realize the fact, his slow approach from behind making Shen Qingqiu all too aware of the sun setting and the cooler air of the night start to rush in. Didn’t he come here right after breakfast?
“Shizun?” Ming Fan asks carefully.
Shen Qingqiu turns his head away from the mound, not quite facing him.
Ming Fan takes that as his cue to speak. “Shizun, the ten thousand spirit stones finally were delivered...”
Shen Qingqiu frowns. What?
Ming Fan continues carefully. “Shizun? The ten thousand spirit stones?”
Shen Qingqiu turns to face Ming Fan fully.
“At the Immortal Alliance Conference,” Ming Fan explains, wincing as the words come out, “Shizun bet the spirit stones...”
Right. That bet. Those spirit stones. Luo Binghe had won the Immortal Alliance Conference. Because of course he did. And now Shen Qingqiu has ten thousand spirit stones.
Shen Qingqiu waves his hand in dismissal, hoping he’s conveying something along the lines of ‘Just put them away’.
Ming Fan doesn’t say anything. “Shizun, should I--” He stops to clear his throat, “Where should I put them?”
Shen Qingqiu only waves his hand again. Can’t you tell I’m just telling you to dispose of them? What am I supposed to do with them right now?
He hears Ming Fan slowly retreat back in the direction he came from. Shen Qingqiu makes a mental note that later he’ll have to figure out where exactly those spirit stones were placed, but it’s so far away from the top of his to-do list that it’s laughable.
Had it been Luo Binghe instead of Ming Fan, he would have known where to put them.
It’s not until the moon is high in the sky that Shen Qingqiu finds his way back to the bamboo house.
10.
The rumor amongst the cultivation sects is that the Qing Jing Peak Lord has gone mute from grief.
Shen Qingqiu undoubtedly hears about it. His disciples, after all, are only children. The sound of their gossiping is just a bit too loud when they are worked up. It makes Shen Qingqiu want to knock everyone on the mountainside upside their heads for even starting such ridiculous rumors. Whose gone mute from grief? What grief? As if losing his voice was a choice.
It was, a traitorous voice inside Shen Qingqiu reminds him. He dutifully ignores it. The System played him into doing it! Had it just said “No Shen Qingqiu, even if you don’t do it, someone has to,” Shen Qingqiu would still be talking today!
Shen Qingqiu is going to be killed either way, so he didn’t even reap any benefits from any of this shit!
No points received whatsoever either, because Luo Binghe has given him heartbreak points instead, and now all of Shen Qingqiu’s hard work had practically been run to the ground. He can’t even pick a bone with the System, who has then proceeded to completely shut down with Luo Binghe’s fall into the Abyss, like that was fair.
Whatever.
He has other problems to deal with for the moment.
For one, having lost both Luo Binghe, his life has gotten much too quiet lately. The disciples mostly leave him alone, only Ning Yingying and Ming Fan daring to come near, and even then only to make sure that he is awake before scurrying off to do what they need to do. Shen Qingqiu understands. They’ve lost their fellow disciple. Even if they were not as close to Luo Binghe, some having outright despised him even, this must be their first encounter with the death of someone that grew up with them.
Shen Qingqiu decides he won’t bother the rest of them, then.
It leads to his next problem. Shen Qingqiu, strangely, isn’t used to being alone anymore.
Shen Qingqiu had inexplicably gotten used to the constant presence of Luo Binghe at his side, doing all the work Shen Qingqiu himself couldn't be bothered doing, with the finesse of a peak lord himself. It came with the territory of having spent enough time with Luo Binghe only a wall away.
On some mornings, Shen Qingqiu almost forgets that the storage room that became Luo Binghe’s bedroom is once again just a storage room. He’ll wake up with Luo Binghe’s name on the tip of his tongue, only for no sound to come out.
It’s days like this that make him feel that maybe losing his voice is a blessing in disguise.
Imagine if the disciples heard him calling out like that? Or if Luo Binghe came back before sunrise and heard him.
Shen Qingqiu would die from humiliation before any limb-tearing even begins.
11.
Shen Qingqiu has mostly figured out the secret behind Mobei Jun’s appearance at the Immortal Alliance Conference, but he would like to hear it from the source itself. And, he has a proposition if his theory proves to be correct.
He gives Ming Fan a note, requesting the An Ding Peak Lord’s presence at his earliest convenience.
12.
The writer.
Shen Qingqiu had assumed that he was with another reader that died too early, but no. He is with the person who created this shitstorm in the first place. Fantastic.
“Um, can I ask something?” Shang Qinghua asks hesitantly, after successfully avoiding death at the hands of Shen Qingqiu.
Shen Qingqiu raises an eyebrow.
“Is there a reason you’ve been writing this whole time instead of, uh, you know. Speaking?”
Shen Qingqiu glances at the paper in front of him. Most of it has already been filled with several expletives, written in a fit of anger. Shen Qingqiu flips to the other side. ‘I can’t, he writes simply.
Shang Qinghua eyes him curiously. “So I take it you’ve really stopped speaking after Luo Binghe fell?”
‘Don’t be stupid’, Shen Qingqiu writes. ‘It’s a punishment from the System.’
It’s not a lie, technically. Shen Qingqiu’s ongoing theory is that the System only offered an alternative to pushing down Luo Binghe himself as a way to punish him for even trying to spare Luo Binghe from the Abyss in the first place.
Shang Qinghua blinks. “That... huh.”
‘It’s only until Luo Binghe comes back and kills this body in five years,’ Shen Qingqiu puts down on the paper. ‘Thank you for that, by the way.’
Shang Qinghua scoffs. “Hey! How was I supposed to know you would transmigrate into this?! And you think you have it bad? You at least transmigrated at the height of Shen Qingqiu’s life. You were already a peak lord. I came here as a fucking infant! Do you know how hard that is? On top of that, at least you got to be a major antagonist! You’d think the author of this novel would get some perks but nooo. I got stuck as cannon fodder! And a double agent? At least you can ask for Cang Qiong’s protection; I’ll be hunted from both sides!”
‘Cannon fodder you invented’, Shen Qingqiu points out. ‘And isn’t dying an easy death better than being carved from head to toe by Luo Binghe himself???’
“Yeah, well.”
Shen Qingqiu sighs. He remembers something then, but before he can say anything, Shang Qinghua opens his mouth:
“You and Luo Binghe,” he starts. “You two really had a good relationship didn’t you?”
‘What are you going on about?’
“Your disciples,” Shang Qinghua says. “They warned me not to mention some things, not to say other things. They’re worried about you. Think you’re beside yourself with grief.”
‘They don’t know how to mind their own business.’
Shang Qinghua laughs without humor. “Uh, but you know, you don’t really look that good though, if you get what I mean?”
‘What the fuck?’
“Not in a you're-ugly way,” Shang Qinghua hastens to explain. “More like in a way... you kind of do look like you’re grieving.” He sighs. “All I’m saying is, I think he’s more important to you than you think. I thought it might be an exaggeration, but now that I see you... Could it be that you don’t just see him as a disciple, but rather as a -”
Shen Qingqiu raises a hand. What kind of sin did he commit in his past life to listen to this kind of bullshit?
‘If you finish your sentence, I will kill you,’ he writes slowly, making sure Shang Qinghua is following every word. Then, when Shang Qinghua nods in understanding, Shen Qingqiu finishes, ‘But this gives me an idea. I thought about it just now, but I think I have a way for the both of us to solve our problems.’
Shang Qinghua perks up. “Really? How?”
Shen Qingqiu reaches for a new piece of paper.
13.
“Are you really sure you only see Luo Binghe as a--”
Shen Qingqiu crumples up the piece of paper and throws it at Shang Qinghua’s head.
It doesn’t take any form of writing to give Shang Qinghua the middle finger.
14.
Mu Qingfang seeks him out one day.
Shen Qingqiu isn’t quite surprised by the unannounced visit, considering that Without A Cure still needed constant management for it not to truly hinder him, but it is still strange for Mu Qingfang to be the one to show up, as opposed to someone who had a cultivation base suitable enough to actually, you know, clear his meridians.
Unless this is some sort of annual checkup that no one gave him any heads up about.
Shen Qingqiu greets him with a nod of his head, and goes further into the bamboo house to prepare a cup of tea.
It is-- was Luo Binghe’s task to do the menial necessities like this one when they had guests over, and with him gone, Shen Qingqiu should have probably assigned another one of the disciples to do them, but he simply hasn’t gotten around to it yet. He makes a mental note to ask later if Ning Yingying would be willing.
“Shen-shixiong, the other peak lords are worried about you, as are your disciples.”
Shen Qingqiu holds back a sigh. Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan have been more than persistent these past few weeks, especially once the story of Shen Qingqiu going mute broke amongst the disciples. Each time, they ended with an urge for Shen Qingqiu to visit Mu Qingfang, or to seek medical help from someone else. It wouldn’t do, they tell him, for Shen Qingqiu to go without speaking for so long that he loses control over his vocal cords completely.
Ironic.
To Mu Qingfang, he shakes his head. He’s heard it all already. He brings the tea back to the low table in the middle of the room and bows his head in a gesture for Mu Qingfang to sit down as well.
Mu Qingfang smiles. “Do not worry. That is only tangentially what I am here to discuss. If Shen-shixiong is not willing to speak, I will not force him to.”
Shen Qingqiu raises an eyebrow. He knows a smile of pity when he sees it. He’s already lived through nearly two decades of it being the only type of smile he’s ever seen. He knows what Mu Qingfang must be thinking; that this is Shen Qingqiu’s way of grieving, that this is the way he is coping.
It would have been a good excuse, maybe, if Shen Qingqiu wasn’t deathly afraid of Luo Binghe taking it the wrong way when he came back. But it’s not like Shen Qingqiu can exactly explain that he can’t speak anymore, especially when, according to Mu Qingfang, his vocal chords themselves work fine.
For his part, Mu Qingfang reaches into his sleeves and pulls out a book. Shen Qingqiu eyes it curiously. Mu Qingfang explains, “Even if Shixiong decides not to speak again, there is no reason for us to be unable to communicate. There are ways to speak without using your mouth, if Shen-shixiong wishes to learn.”
So something akin to sign language exists in this novel. That is... beyond useful, actually. Maybe Shang Qinghua has finally shown some usefulness. Shen Qingqiu looks at the book with renewed interest.
Mu Qingfang continues hesitantly. “If this is not agreeable, that’s also alright. But I’m sure our brothers and sisters, as well as your disciples, wouldn’t be adverse to it.”
Shen Qingqiu takes it out of his hands and flips through the first couple of pages of the book. He never learned sign language when he was alive, didn’t have a reason to. He couldn’t tell if this had any correlation to the sign language that existed when he was growing up.
It’s all the same to him, considering he’ll have to start learning it from scratch regardless.
“I- I take Shen-shixiong’s interest as a yes?” Mu Qingfang asks, reminding Shen Qingqiu that there is still a proposition that he has yet to answer.
Shen Qingqiu pours out another cup of tea, and doesn’t respond.
Mu Qingfang takes the book back from him and opens to the first page.
15.
Shen Qingqiu is not sure how three years go by so fast.
The peak lords, minus Mu Qingfang and Shang Qinghua, had made countless attempts to try and get him to speak. They had given up a year and some months in, after they had realized that Liu Qingge telling him bluntly to “Speak” whenever he came to visit, and Yue Qingyuan trying to cajole Shen Qingqiu to at least talk to him wasn’t working.
It was a few days after that that all of them had begun to start learning sign language, making it a point to hold meetings amongst all of them just for that purpose.
Shen Qingqiu’s own students have learned it, lessons being led by Ning Yingying.
By the end of the three years, everyone that Shen Qingqiu considers at least a fellow acquaintance has at least picked up the basics, some picking the hand movements up easier than others.
Shen Qingqiu knows this mostly second-handedly. After all, he’s spent the majority of the three years wandering, seeing this and that and exploring places he didn’t have the chance to before.
It’s Yue Qingyuan that finally calls him back on urgent matters, a cry from help from Jin Lan City, speaking of a plague that had devastated it
“Zhao Hua Temple, Huan Hua Palace, and Tian Yi Monastery have all sent people to investigate. No one has returned as of yet.”
Shen Qingqiu’s brows rise. No wonder Yue Qingyuan urged him back.
“We’ll need people to go and assist,” Yue Qingyuan explains, “along with a group to follow behind, and another to watch over the mountain.”
Liu Qingge offers first, “Bai Zhan Peak will escort Mu-shidi there.”
Mu Qingfang going is a given, Shen Qingqiu thinks. No one else would be more suited.
Shen Qingqiu raises his own hand.
Yue Qingyuan gives him a look. “I had been hoping that Qingqiu would watch over the mountain.”
Luckily, Shen Qingqiu knows how to work with Yue Qingyuan now. If it’s Shen Qingqiu, all he has to do is annoy Yue Qingyuan into giving in. He signs slowly: ‘Even if this Qingqiu is useless and doesn’t know much, I can still be of some help.’
This of course, is the biggest understatement he could have said. On the entire mountain, Yue Qingyuan would be hard-pressed to find someone that knows more about demons than him.
It’s not much longer after that that Yue Qingyuan agrees.
16.
“It’s no trouble,” Shen Qingqiu hears.
It’s a slap to the face.
He knows that voice. It’s deeper now, smooth and rich and having long since outgrown the awkward cracks and dips from puberty, but Shen Qingqiu knows it still.
From where he stands, he can see a group of disciples in Huan Hua uniform colors. In the center of them is where the voice came from, from a youthful-looking man dressed all in black.
It’s not like Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t be able to recognize that face. He raised that face! Before all this, he had merch of that face, plastered on posters, mousepads, that one body pillow that Shen Qingqiu had bought completely for comfort and aesthetic purposes.
Then, like it was wired to match up to Shen Qingqiu’s memory, the System starts to make a Window start-up noise.
[System activation successful! Universal Activation Key: Luo Binghe]
And then the man in question looks up, and red eyes meet green.
The first thought that runs through Shen Qingqiu’s head: Did he lose track of time? Because the last time he checked, he was only three years into Luo Binghe’s five years in the Abyss. Where is Luo Binghe’s grand entrance two years later?
The second thought: Did not pushing Luo Binghe down himself actually speed up Shen Qingqiu’s own death?
The third: Fuck.