Work Text:
As Selina pushed the rosewood door open, she was not at all shook by the painted wooden barrel left at the entrance. Nor did she offer any expression to the pungent stink surrounding the barrel. The lumber was painted with many crimson-colored figures that were supposed to appear decorative, she assumed. However, the paint had been smeared inefficiently onto the barrel, which made the figures appear unreadable. Selina stepped outside the doorway and squatted down before the doorstep in order to study the barrel more closely. She was able to make out to a big dripping grin and a couple of very poorly written ha ha’s. Selina could not suppress the urge to roll her eyes: Of course, who else would it be?
Selina shook her head, as she stood up again. The charcoal Versace robe was pulled tighter around her slim figure, as the raven took a second to ponder, about how she would ever get rid of this ‘’thing’’. Not able to conceal her curiosity, Selina bent down to lift the lid off the anonymous ‘’gift’’. As the inside of the barrel was revealed, it turned out to be absolutely… empty, nothing death-threatening hiding within it at all, much to her surprise.
However, as Selina observed the inside of the barrel closer, her gaze caught sight of a maroon smudged paper folded and held together by a big yellow smiley sticker. She took the filthy note and brought it up to her face studying it closely. Her eyes scanned the mocking smiley-face, and did not repress the big frown that quickly appeared on her face. Great just the company I needed.
Assuming there must be some type of purpose to this ‘’surprise’’ delivery, the raven opened up the letter. A groan bring caught in her throat, as the paper soon revealed a pity attempt - or that was her opinion - of handwriting. After a moment of struggle, the raven succeeded in making out a somewhat readable message from the messy conflated disgrace, the sender thought was writing:
Fun fact! :D
Did you know that in the 1800’s Europe, the people had a celebrative tradition of trapping a cat in a barrel, where they would kill the cat by continuously slamming the barrel with a baseball bat? What a celebration! In fact, I cannot figure out, why they would ever stop such a wonderful tradition! I think it is time to bring it back, don’t you?
Selina resisted the strong urge to roll her eyes again and instead let out a long tiring sigh, as the message crumbled in her fist. What kind of pathetic attempt to frighten me! Doesn't he know, who I am? The raven thought, as she threw the crushed paper-ball back towards the fence. You are not scaring me, your pathetic excuse for a clown.
‘’Your coffee is ready Mrs. Kyle. ‘’ The woman’s head perked up at the modulated voice behind her. Her gaze wandered to the entrance, where the elderly butler was standing with a porcelain mug. The embracing aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled Selina’s nostrils, her shoulders visibly relaxing in response. She offered the butler a grateful smile: ‘’Thank you, you must have read my mind. ‘'
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Selina carefully let the windows be pushed open, the fresh damp air filling the sultry bedroom. Her eyes fluttered close, as she leaned towards the window ledge. However her nose wriggled abruptly at the faint smell of something harsh and… rotten? Her stomach turned in response, the stink only growing stronger for each passing minute.
The raven’s speculation was disturbed by the sound of moving covers behind her. When she turned around, she was met with the sight of an awakened Bruce, who was rubbing his eyes lazily, as he sat lingering on the edge of the bed. As he gradually became more awake, the man furrowed his eyes and threw Selina a questioning stare: ‘’Why does it smell like death in here? ‘’
Selena rolled her eyes already having an idea of the next ‘’present’’ waiting for her at the entrance and even more importantly- the certain someone, who had left it there: ‘’maybe you should ask your ever-smiling boyfriend instead? ‘’
Bruce’s entire body tensed at the comment. His ocean eyes had turned completely cold in a split second, but the woman hardly flinched in response. Selina was well aware that she had stepped on dangerous territory, but did she give a damn? No not the slightest.
Bruce’s racing thoughts were almost audibly in the room. His face flushed and eyebrows furrowed, as he buried his face into his palms. You are not supposed to say that, Selina could almost hear him whisper.
There were many occurrences that Selina was not allowed to bring up, and most of the times she did not bother to. As long as it had no significance, she honestly could not care any less. For an example, Selina did not to comment on the fact that though, they shared an enormous king-sized bed, she was not allowed to cross the middle of the bed under any circumstance. He would always push her away, if the raven attempted to get cozy besides Bruce. She continued to push on the matter, the man would leave instantly to sleep in one of the manor’s numerous guestrooms.
Selina had never attempted to discuss the smeared ruby lipstick that had occasionally been left on the bed-sheets. Perhaps the reason why the raven had never tried to voice these suspicious quirks to Bruce was that she already knew the answer. And if the suspicion in her gut had even the tiniest bit of truth to it, she knew that this was not a reality, Bruce was ready to face nor admit yet… and who could really blame him for that?
Selina shook her head in an attempt to return from her deep thoughts. A deep sigh brushed past her lips, before her legs began meandering towards the doorway. However, she still paused briefly to deliver a scolding comment for the billionaire: ‘’I better hurry downstairs to investigate it, before Alfred finds the mess that has probably been left on your doorstep. ‘’
Before leaving, her eyes offered the bedroom another glance, as she waited for an acknowledgement from the silent man. However, the only response Selina earned from was an agreeing low grumble. Bruce had already returned under the covers, his arm resting comfortingly around a purple cashmere pillow. Selina threw a long nasty glare in his direction, as she finally exited the room.
With as much discreetness as possible, Selina sneaked down the big staircase, only walking on her toes in order to avoid as much sound as possible. When her elegant body successfully had made it to the entrance hall without seeming to have awakened anyone or caught their attention, a sly self-satisfied grin had pushed its way onto her face. However, she still froze, as her hand reached out to open the front door. The raven-haired woman eyed the hall suspiciously, her emerald stare scanning for any flicker of movement. You never know with the people living in this house, she grumbled to herself. When Selina had let herself be convinced, there was no unknown presence hiding nearby, she finally pushed open the main door.
The sight that met her on the manor’s doorstep could be described as anything but welcoming. Selina easily recognized the limb body set before her as one of the stray cats, she fed on her regularly visits to the East End district. Selina tried to push away the faint sting in her chest at the gory display: The cat’s emerald eyes were widened wildly to an unnatural extent. The raven assumed the poor thing had tried to put up a fight but to no avail. A long path of fur bits and ruby stains ran along the road in a straight line leading to the entry gate. The frequent scratches visible on the tiles indicated that the cat had been dragged all the way to the entrance, while it was still alive and conscious. The usual elegant onyx fur was now dripping in thick blood turning the coat all greasy and wavy. The fur was left completely slaughtered by numerous cuts to its fragile body, some of which still had Joker’s razor-sharp playing cards stuck inside them. Selina furrowed her brows, as she fought back a shudder.
An abnormal wide grin was plastered on the cat’s face. The mouth was brimming with fresh ruby-colored blood and lavender chemical burns, as all the teeth had been ripped out from the mouth opening. Selina crouched down beside the corpse petting the head affectionately, as the knot in her chest only seemed to expand. How anyone would ever dare to hurt such an innocent oblivious animal, was beyond her reasoning. She let her fingers wander down the pet’s bony stomach, when her fingertips brushed against something unusual. The woman raised an eyebrow, before she repeated the action once more. Her fingertips touching the edge of some coarse material. Selina shut her eyes tightly, as she let her fingers be pushed down into the fresh cut of the body. They returned with a blood-covered paper very similar to the one, she had received only three days ago. However, this note did not contain the same smiley-face sticker, which had been replaced with another indigo-colored sticker representing a growling devil.
Oh great, another note, she frowned, not bothering to repress a dramatic roll of her emerald eyes. As the folded note opened, Selina was confronted with yet another sloppy disordered handwriting. She furrowed her eyebrows in frustration, as her hand was brought up to massage her left temple. A headache had already begun to form against her skull, and it was not even close to midday yet. The raven very much found it a miracle that she still was able to figure out the message behind the smeared-together letters:
An early wedding gift just for you kitty!
How generous of me, I know. It was my pleasure really~
I cannot wait for my invitation to arrive! I am sure the wedding will be sparkling and mind-blowing! ;)
Her fist clenched around the moisted note once again crushing it in her palm. While running a hand through her shaggy morning hair, Selina shot a deadly glare towards the still-opened window to the master bedroom.
‘’Bruce! ‘’ she hissed, the venom in her voice unmistakable. Her eyebrows furrowing again, as they landed on the dead corpse spread out on Bruce’s doorstep. He could clean this mess up himself; it was his mess after all. Hopefully, she would not have to be made target for it anymore, soon enough. Growling, she returned inside, the rosewood door smacking violently behind her.
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Over three weeks had passed, and Selina has had it. Had she suspected a certain someone would be furious about the proposal? Yes. Had she expected three weeks of daily surprises consisting of several death threats and animal remains? No, but perhaps she should had seen it coming.
When the doorbell rang Thursday morning, a loud tiring groan escaped Selina’s lips. She pressed her head against the palms of her hands, as she tried to summon any remaining strength to get up from her seat and drag herself out to, whatever was awaiting her on the doorstep this time. Her feet were forced to drag her all the way out to the front door. She froze for a moment, as her hand lingered over the doorknob: Do I truly want to answer this door? Though the answer was a loud no, after lingering in the doorway for what felt like an eternity, she took in a deep breath and threw the door open.
The first impression to greet Selina was the steady sound of high-pitched shrieks and squeals. It did not take more than a moment for the raven to make the link, as to what had been left on the manor’s doorstep this time. She narrowed her eyes at the wooden crate placed on the stone tiles. Taking a deep breath, Selina reached out to pick up the cage. Oh, how she wanted nothing more than to find that foolish clown right now and erase the stupid mocking smile, which she had no doubt, the clown was wearing at this very moment.
Selina held the abandoned box up to her eyes, as she took a moment to study the small critters that were roaming around inside. Three young mice were strolled peacefully around the crate occasionally freezing in their tracks to sniff for possible food hiding in the bedding. Though this did not seem to be any horrible or murderous gesture at first glance, Selina had gained enough experience throughout the last three weeks to be confident that the Joker would not let her off the hook with something as innocent as an abandoned crate with three mice.
This sureness caused the raven-haired woman to turn the cage around questioningly in her hands. Her emerald gaze analyzing the cage in detail for anything that could be considered ‘’out of place’’ or ‘’odd’’. It was first, when her eyes fell on a slight change of color on the cage’s loft that she discovered the folded letter attached to the lid of the enclosure. Selina immediately frowned, as her eyes narrowed at the sight of the crimson-stained paper: Of fucking course, he would’ve written a note. What else did you expect?
She lifted open the roof of the case and ripped off the attached note. Though the paper seemed nearly identical to the previous ones, this time yet another sticker was plastered on the surface: A grey-colored human skull. Narrowing her eyes, the woman opened the letter, which revealed a handwriting, she found way too familiar by now and had no problem reading anymore:
Cats chase mice, and bats chase clowns.
Kitty find yourself a mouse-man, or you will get yourself caught up in a catastrophe >:D
(p.s. look down for a special surprise!)
Chills were shot down Selina’s spine, as her ears detected the faint sound of a howling beeping-tone. Her eyes widened, as she recognized the too familiar sound and what consequences, it might bring, if she did not act fast. Her eyes darted around the space of the doorstep, as they desperately attempted to locate the source of the sound. A series of curses ran past Selina’s lips, as her gaze locked onto the bottom of the wooden cage or more specifically… the electronic square that had been attached there. The device, Selina immediately recognized as a detonator, was a small metal box surrounded by numerous colorful wires, which were all attached to a watch that were now counting down from 10 seconds.
The crate flew through the sky and landed on the grass close to the entrance gate with the most powerful throw, she could muster. Her legs quickly kicked themselves off the ground and with a strong backflip, she searched cover behind the rosewood door. Selina prepared for the impact of an explosion, squeezing her eyes shut, as the beeping from the crate suddenly silenced. However, there never came any impact nor could any clash be heard, which caused the raven to raise an eyebrow.
As Selina stepped away from her cover behind the door, and her vision to the cage grew much clearer, she raised an eyebrow at the trail of fern thin smoke roaming inside the crate. Selina froze in her tracks. Her eyes were fixated on the box, in case there came even the slightest sign of movement from the animals there.
The heavy silence prior was replaced with a hoarse grunting wheeze, as if something was fighting to catch its breath. That’s when the woman began noticing the crimson-shaded liquid that dripped down onto the bedding, which was caused by the long streams of blood falling from the mices’ bloodshot eyes. The wheezing only grew louder and more frantic, as time continued to pass. Soon the critters’ claws began to scratch against their eyeballs, causing them to rip open their pupils. This resulted in even larger doses of blood staining the pet’s white fur, and they began pacing wildly around the cage in blindness. A bright mint-colored foam began forming around the edge of the mices’ mouth, and in a less than a minute, the animals began attacking each other in blindness.
Piercing cries cut through the air, as bitten and ripped off limps began to be scattered all around the cage. One mouse’s stomach had been slit open: Its insides falling out and then trailing after the panicked mouse, who ran around the cage in blind painful confusion. Soon the two other mice had caught the scent of the organs, which resulted in them jumping onto the injured critter tackling it to ground. They then began digging into the organs eating them eagerly, as if they had been not been fed for ages.
This continued for almost three minutes, Selina standing completely frozen with an empty stare in her eyes. Unable to do anything about the graphic fight, in case she would become infected herself by interfering. However, soon enough the horror came to an end, when big chunks of hair began peeling off the mice. As more of their skin became clearer, the raven could clearly observe huge spots of violet and indigo chemical burns on the animals, who proceeded to collapse onto the crimson stained, limp and fur covered bedding, where they went into a cramping seizure. It did not last long, before the bodies went entirely numb: The small fragile bodies finally giving up and letting themselves be handed over to the fate of death.
Her stomach turned at the ferocious display that had occurred before her. Selina pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a series of not-so-sweet curses into her hand. She needed to have a serious chat with the Joker now.
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Selina’s feet were aching by the time, she reached and landed elegantly on the dimly illuminated rooftop. Her fingers brushed off the flexible pitch-black bodysuit, she wore in an attempt to mentally prepare herself for the unpredictability that was known as the Joker and the energy-draining situations, there often followed.
After hours of sprinting from one empty rooftop to another with no sign of the clown, Selina had almost lost all of her patience. However, when her emerald eyes had caught a small purple figure in the distance, she had sprinted as fast as her legs would carry her towards the source.
Selina let out a superficial cough to make her presence known, and taking a step out of the shadows to make herself recognizable: ‘’Well, well, well look at you. And I, who thought, clowns were supposed to be happy. ‘’
She made no effort to hide the smugness in her voice, as a mocking sly smile played on her lips. Her hands placed confidently on her hips, the raven waited for the other man to address her presence. However, the only response earned from the colorful silhouette was an almost inaudible shaky sigh.
That was new, Selina thought to herself raising an eyebrow. She hesitantly took a few hobbled steps towards the clown. Her hand held onto the handle of her whip firmly, her body lowered cautiously as she came (dangerously) closer to the mass-murderer. The man could do a frantic move at any given moment.
As predicted, the man exploded from his seat in an abruptly manner. Selina felt herself jump lightly (though she would never admit it), as she felt, Joker wrap his arms around Selina’s ankle and clinging to it miserably. The clown was staring at her through wide glassy acid-eyes that seemed to shine dangerously in the restricted light. Selina stood frozen on the spot for a minute, before she quickly regained her composure and growled, as she shook her foot to escape the clown’s clinging embrace. Instead, she ended up simply kicking the pale man in the face, causing him to let go of the leg. A small groan escaped the clown’s mouth, as he stared up at the Selina from the ground. His puppy-eyed gaze begging for any form of sympathy, but only resulting in a narrowed look from the woman.
‘’How can I be happy, when I’m in complete mew-sery?! ‘’ The man threw his hands in the air, a big gesture that seemed just to be for dramatic effect. However, his body quickly slumped down again in defeat, as he went on to hide his face in his hands. After a few seconds had passed, the clown slowly spread his fingers, so his toxic-colored eyes were able to stare back at Selina. When the Joker seemed to realize, he drag no reaction out of her, his mouth opened again as if to speak up. Probably preparing to let out even more bullshit, Selina thought. Nevertheless, the man did not get the chance to speak, before Selina pointed an accusing finger in his direction to silence him.
‘’Shut it fool, both you and I know very well that you’re the one, Batman loves. ‘’ Selina made the growl in her voice very evident, as she emphasizes the words ‘’you’re the one’’ and ‘’batman loves’’ very clearly.
‘’I’m sorry, but I don’t see a wedding ring on my finger! ‘’ he snarled waving his hands in front of Selina’s face hectically. The left index finger twitching madly to point at the naked ringfinger to emphasize his point. Selina pinched the bridge of her noise, as the strong urge to roll her eyes slowly fainted. The raven took an exhausted breath, as she locked eyes with a heavily frowning Joker.
‘’He’s just too deep in denial to admit it to himself. I would be denying it too, if I were in love with a sadistic mass-murderer, who dresses up as a clown, ‘’ Selina stated flatly not caring, whether her comment had offended the Joker or not. Her arms were crossed across her chest, while she waited for the next outburst of protest from the clown. However, much to her surprise, the only response the woman was given was a nearly invisible shrunk in the jester’s shoulders. The man paid her no mind, as he kept his back turned to her, his eyes instead focusing on the city spread out before him.
Selina eyed the empty space beside Joker hesitantly. A deep sigh escaped her lips, as she trudged over next to him and settled down on the edge of the rooftop. A strained piercing quietness formed between the two, the only thing preventing them from falling into a deafening silence was the ever-moving city boisterous beneath them. The many cars, loud music, alarming police sirens and never-ending shouting working as a type of soundtrack to the city. The night sky was covered by heavy grey smug that gave the stormy wind a damp feeling, as it brushed against the raven. The countless illuminated skyscrapers and buildings throughout the city gave the clouds a flaming glow, as if the sky had been set on fire lighting up the otherwise pitch-black midnight. Many would describe the big city as depressing or gloomy, but not Selina. To her Gotham was the least not depressing, Gotham was freedom.
When the jester did not seem to be up to anything suspicious at that moment, the raven finally let her shoulders relax. Selina allowed herself to momentarily keep her guard down, so she was able to enjoy the sight of the big city before her. Her gaze strolled carelessly around the rooftops and high buildings surrounding her, some of where she was able to make out small chains of smoke. Probably a late night smoker, who was taking one last puff before retiring to their apartment for the night, she assumed. When the clown finally broke the silence, Selina flinched forgotten the other’s presence for a moment: ‘’Why can’t he just get his bat-head out of his bat-cave! Locking me inside Arkham solves nothing. No matter what happens, I’ll never go away. We’re just meant to be, him and I… together. ‘’ His voice slowly faded out into nothing the usual bubbliness and shrilling tone gone, causing the woman to turn her head towards the source as to make sure, she was actually listening to the Joker.
That was when Selina caught a flicker from the corner of her eye. She was careful not to turn her head to her right and waited for a moment, until the movement would seem more natural and unsuspicious. As she shifted on her seat, she lead her gaze slowly wander across the nearest rooftops. Her eyes froze and locked themselves onto a broad dark shadow that would not have seemed so suspicious, if it had not been for the small pointy ears peeking out from the darkness.
Selina knew the shadow was well aware that it had been recognized. It could have easily disguised itself into the darkness entirely, if it had wished to. Perhaps this was the long-awaited sign she had been waiting for: Perhaps he was finally ready to listen to her. Her glare fixated on the shadow with a strong intensity, Selina’s steady voice broke the silence:
‘’It would definitely be a-‘’ she held in a hesitated breath before continuing: ‘’…complicated relationship, but with that said… I think he’d find himself much happier. ‘’ The Joker’s head perked up at the words. His head turned sharply towards the disguised woman, as his eyes roamed her face analytically for any indication that she was lying.
‘’Yes you absolutely agree with me, that must be why you’re walking down the aisle for him. ‘’ Joker made no attempt to keep the envy out of his voice, as he hissed the words out. His former blank expression had now formed into one of infuriation: his nostrils flaring and his muscles twitching violently. Selina forced herself to look away from the silhouette to regain her focus. However, the man beside her had already moved to point a knife towards her neck. The raven hardly flinched at the movement: it had never been unthinkable that she would end up in a situation like this. When she met the Joker’s furious glare, her only response was to simply shrug her shoulders. The woman’s mouth opened and closed a few times, before she finally spoke up: ‘’He’s one of the few men, I could marry, where my freedom and own won’t be compromised. Besides becoming the wife to billionaire, Bruce Wayne does have some advantages. ‘’
Selina winked, a mischievous grin slowly spreading on her lips. Being a part of Gotham’s elite class definitely had its advantages, when you were a thief. However, if Joker had caught on to Selina’s not-so-goodhearted interests in the marriage, he did not voice it. Instead, he studied Catwoman with wide eyes, his mouth hanging agape. Not even 10 seconds had passed, before Joker threw his arms up in the air again and began waving them frantically with his knife still in hand, as he began rambling: ‘’Oh, you mean besides the fact that he’s Batman: sculpted like a god and with a dick the size of the Eiffel tower? ‘’ The clown stated in-a-matter-of-factly tone. The dull expression that hung over the clown’s face seeming to state accusingly at Selina: I thought, this would be obvious.
Selena cringed at the comment: If she had not already been convinced back then, she could be one hundred percent confident now that it occasionally - in fact - had been Joker’s lipstick stains left on Bruce’s bedsheets back at the manor.
Though Selina had countless things, she held against Joker, was there one small part of the man, she had to admit to enjoy occasionally, it would no doubt be his bluntness. Both of them were not afraid of speaking, what was lingering on their minds no matter how inappropriate or offensive, it may sound to others. Perhaps in an alternative universe far away from this one, there would be a small chance of the two becoming associates, friends even.
‘’Well, he is quite the cat-ch, isn’t he? ‘’ The clown’s eyes turned wide and seemed to bore into Selina’s soul, as his gaze ran across Selina’s face analytically. The tenseness, which had suddenly formed around the two, seeming suffocating, as they both were trying to read the other’s expression. However, Selina let out a relieved sigh, as a loud shrilling laughter erupted abruptly from the clown. The man threw his head back into a hysterical laughing fit and clutching his stomach tightly in a half-hearted attempt to regain his breath. Selina rolled her eyes at the manic mess in front of her, but did not try to disguise the satisfied smirk that formed on her lips. As her eyes wandered back to the other gloomy rooftop, she could not help, but notice that the previously pointed shadow had disappeared.